Milford chronicle., 1883-07-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

column to explaining what causes cold
perspiration. Anyone who has gone up
dark alley and stepped on a dog would
be wasting valuable time reading it.
IT is calculated by scientists that a
man can make more Of a blamed nui-
sance of himself in five minutes with
garden hose than he can in an hour and
half by an other method. .-LoloeH
citizen.
He looked at Niagara long time in
silence and then exclaimed: "Dis scene
fills me up mid oxcidemends und en-
thusiastics, bud, oh. my tear boy, der
vaste-der waste Of vasser Dot is some
dings offuls l''-Hot Mail
A sUBscRRuoN-BooK publisher says
that out Of a thousand book agents he
only finds about ten who are worth
retaining after a months trial. We
suppose that the other 800 become
too much crippled up to keep on work.
ing.
A CELEBRATED circus manager is on
the hunt for a new curiosity for his
show. He is seeking to find a young
married man whose wife can cook as well
as his mother did. Twenty-six States
have been explored thus far withoutsuc-
cess. -iSomerUitle Journal.
"WHo WAS THE first man ?" asked the
superintendent, and boy in the noisy
class replied, can American colonel.
But the superintendent explained that
the colonel would be the last man, and
if the world lasted a tcw years longer, the
only one. -BURDETTE.
A ST. LOUIS Judge says that the boys
who become criminals are the boys who
do not get whipped. The St. Louis
Judge is wrong, says an exchange. The
boys who do not get whipped become
rich and famous. Mr.. Sullivan is one Of
these ''boys."
A PEORIA girl recently planted lot
of feathers with the hope that they
would bring forth an early crop Of spring
chickens. She is closely related to the
young lady who wouldn't eat veal be-
cause she thought she could never after
ward look a COW in the face.
A New York regiment in camp at
Peekskill, N. Y, threatened to revolt if
they were not furnished with napkins.
We cannot conceive of a more thrilling
aud striking picture of the ''horrors of
war" than soldier without napkin
unless it be a corporal with dollar-store
icarf-pin.
In NORTH Brazil there are no profess
iional dressmakers, the finest ladies
Usually making their own costumes.
When a man buys his wife a 50 dress he
DOESN'T have to give her SO to get it
made. There are some things in North
Brazil worthy of imitation in this coun-
ry.- Norristo,0n Herald.
We understand that collars, railroad
les, car wheels, boats, and numerous
,ther articles are now being made out Of
Daper. This is a world of progress.
We should not be very much surprised
It hearing before long that some one
lad discovered a way of making money
mt of newspaper. - Yonker's Gazette.
"WHAT influence has the moon on the
ide?" the teacher asked John Henry.
md John Henry said it depended on
That was tied; if it was a dog it made
i'm howl, and if it was a gate it united
}, Just as soon as a COW or the young
lan came along. 1t is such things as
his that make school teachers lie down
nd die every day at four o'clock.
''WHAT do they grind at the spice
ill ?" asked Rollo, as he walked passed
ne with his father. customers" re-
lied Rollo's father, who knew what pep
er was made of and how cinnamon was
avored. ''They grind the customers.
nd Rollo said, "Oh !" He viii say it
,uder when he is old enough to keep
ouse himself. - Darlington Hawkeye.
Miss JENNY MARKS, of Baltimore, won
new wsewing machine by making guess
the number Of pills in a bottle in
indow. There were %, 100 pills in the
ottle, and she guessed %, 100. There
ere over 5000 guesses, and the worst
le was a guess Of 100000. The man
no guessed 1000, 600 was one of those
llows who get their education by read
g gas-meters.
The late Baron Rothschild once took
cab to his offices, and on alighting ten
red the proper fare. The cabman re-
ived it, but kept his hand open and
oked at the money significantly, which
used the Baron to inquire whether it
Is not right "Oh, yes, replied the
bmau, ''it's quite right, but your sons
ually give me double "They do, do
ey?p was the Baron's reply; ''well,
ey have got a rich father, and can af-
I'd it; have not"
Mrs. W is a character in certain
untiy village She is now an old wo-
IN, and lives in small cottage off the
in street a few days ago she met a
driving fine load Of hay to market.
e stopped him, inquired the quality
price Of the hay, and after much de-
Grafton ordered the boy to drive his
rses round into her yard. The place
S rather straight for the wagon to gn-
but he finally managed 70 drivk in,
prepared to unload. Looking dp %
lad, who, pitchfork in hand, was
mt 70 toss oft the hay, she said, with
at simplicity, "You may give mo