St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-01-19
Squibs.

"There's always room at the top"
hummed mosquito, as it got its work
in on bald head.
In auger-al addresses are doubtless
so-called because they are so often
bores.- Lowell Courier.
An eX-prize- fighter never dies.
When he leaves the ring he opens IL
saloon and outlives all his friends
Detroit Free Press.
Oscar Wilde, probably owing to his
patent medicine hair, has been taken
on the streets for Buffalo Bill. Mr..
Bill intends to shoot him on sight
New Orleans Picayune.
A Kansas railroad feels mighty bad
at having to pay $4,000 for killing IA
bartender, not on account of the mon
ey, but from feeling that it is paying
so much more than the man was worth.
A bald-headed man, who has heard
that the hairs of II mans head are num-
bered, wants to know if there is not
some place where he can obtain the
back numbers. Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
GLOW old is that dog ?" was asked
of colOred man. 'If he lives ter see
the fifth oh naiXt June, sab, he will he
de oldest dog on de plantation" "And
if he don't live until them "He1l
be dead, sab. Arkansaw Traveller.
Scientific men have lately discovered
that the crab does not crawl backward.
1t is made that way. 1t is going for
ward all the time. If we have ever
referred to the democratic party as
"crablike" we beg the crabs pardon
philadelphia News.
A good looking Sixth avenue girl,
whose lover asked her in the tenderest
tones why it was she was so magnetic,
explained the phenomenon by inform
ing him that her mother and father
were both telegraph operators. - Ele-
waited Railway Journal.
| Prof. Brewer says "the trotting horse
is Il modern and American invention.n
Thank heaven there is one thing that
wasn't invented by the Chinese twenty
three thousand years ago Later re
turns, however, may rob us of this
honor NorristOwn Herald.
! a little girl in Sunday school. who
the day before had succeeded in tear
ing her doll to pieces, when asked what
Adam was made of, replied, "Of DUST
| quired the encouraged teacher. "Of
saw DUST" was the prompt response.
A telephone bull A reporter rang
up the Office of two prominent physi-
clans. ''ls anybody in ?" was asked.
Yes, sor." ''WhOf' "Me, sor, PLACE"
sis DIR. A. in ~ "Wouldn't Dr. X. do
sor, plaze ~ "Well, yes" "Nather
man Of 'em is here, sor."- columbus
| Globe.
sect right out of this ~ shouted an
! Irrltated merchant to IA mcndacious
clerk 'this is the third lie | have
caught you in since ten o'clock this
morning !" "Oh, WE'LL" said the new
man, "don't be too hard on me. Give
a fellow time to learn the rules of the
ouse."-tOil City Derrick.
A half-breed Maori from New Zea-
land has come to this country to fight
with Sullivan, the Boston champion of
the ring. To expect "A representative
of the culture of the Hub to put on the
! gloves with half-civilized half-breed
from an island in the Pacific Ocean,
will strike that city as being a very
amusing thing.-LPhiladelphia Times.
l A story is told of woman in the
rural districts who wanted to keep up
appearances, who was often thwarted
in this by her innocent and matter-Of-
fact daughter. One day when visit
or was present at the table the hostess
said to her daughter, "Where are all
our knives ?" "Here they are, both of
them" was the astounding reply
Boston Globe.
A hunter fired at bird as it flew
over the doOr-yard of an Arkansaw
residence. A boy that was playing
around was struck by "A couple of shot,
and his loud cries brought the farmer
to the scene. "What have you done P7
he demanded of the hunter, drawing "A
revolver. 81 beg ten thousand par
dOns," exclaimed the hunter. "In my
eagerness to secure the bird | fired
thOughtlessly, and fear that / have
seriously wounded your SON" "Son,"
said the old man al thought that you
had hit my dog. Mind how yon shoot
around here, for if you put shot into
: that dog III cut off both of your ears"
; i Arkansaw Traveller.