The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

D
and lecture.
The best iire-esCape is when your wife
gets up IN the morning and makes it,
! Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Spell bound boy at the foot Of the
class who Is stumped on long. hard,
crooked word,-[Burlington Hawkeye.
Put away hi. little tables
That he used to brag about;
lie is done with all his fables;
lie has climbed the golden spout
Thank heaven un exclaimed fond father,
as he paced the floor At midnight with his
bowling heir; thank heaven, YOU are not
twins''-[New' York Commercial Adver
tiser.
The latest novelty is a looking-gl upon
whose surface can be found indications of a
clear sky or coming storms. Such look
ing-glass should be placed upon the weather
bureau.
1t has been remarked that every miner
| knows his lode, but the history of the rise
and fall OF the toy-pistol has proven that
every miner doesn't know his Load Y on
kcrs Gazette.
Sitting Bull says he would not return to
the war path on any consideration, but he
| feels rs if he would be success as rail
| road ticket-scalper in Denver or Omaha
/ Detroit Free Press.
A New York druggist is going TO open
twenty -four soda fountains In London This
summer, twill be tun to see the English.
men sit down TO wait for the foam SETTLE
Detroit Free Pree Press.
pipes iro2en?" he said. "Well, I'll so
| and call u plumber, and you have the root
scuttlc opened. He won't be able to tell
what TO do TO that sink-spout till he has
been up on the roof. - Boston Post.
Yes, said the society belle, "Mr. De La
Mere has insulted me. But III be re
yenged. III danCe german with hia and
step on his toes and get my train In his
way at every possible opportunity
Whenever yon see man coming out of a
| country drug store, wiping his mouth with
the back of his hand, you may know that
the town is suffering under combined ut.
tack OF malaria and the license law,
When man Is dismissed from employ
ment he always has a good deal to say
against his late employers. A man, in
Tact, 10 like gun. lie makes n great noise
when he discharges Boston Transcript.
A young man named Polk sang all the
| evening to company of friends AT Mont
gomory, Alabama, and then shot himself
dead. lie probably preferred suicide to
being lynched.- Rochester Post Express.
Julia. my little cheruh, when does
your sister Emma return?' II don't
know" Didn't she say anything before
she went away She said if you came to
s%e her she'd be gone till doomsday, -
Exchange.
DO you sing in church, Mrs. Dobbs %
81 did formerly, Mr.. Hobbs, but nowaday :
! am SO thankful when our long distance
pastor gets through his discourse that al
ways sing as soon as | get out of church. -
Gonkers Gazette.
"Henry" writes us, asking how he can
break his mother of calling him: You
He-ner-ry!' He says that he has noticed
that Whenever she calls him that way she
always gives him licking and sends him
TO bed without his supper.
boy who does not sigh to become II
| Stage driver, hunter, a fireman or n pi-
rate will make tlap,jack sort of Il man,
| who may possibly learn to cobblo shoes,
but viii not be smart enough to put a bolt
on door Detroit Free Press,
Fashionable young club men cf New
York, sans aims, sans brains, who ape the
| British snobs in their dress, are called
| dudes. We don't see much economy in
the new name. The old title, "idiots, -
contains only one more le.t6r.-[Norris.
town Herald,
WHAT has become of all those scientist,
with their brain-iood diet? We want to see
Just one man before we die who has ever
shafpened up his natural talents by either
pouring whisky into his stomach or cram
ming fish into his head.-TDetroit Free
Press.
A Milwaukee travelling man writes that
he crossed 4 slab bridge up in Marynettc
county, which probably cost So and over
the bridge was the following "Noti.:'
"Doant kun kros that bridge fastr nor wax
or you will 50 to lok up, and pay SIS fyne tc
kounty for skoul fund. [Peck's Sun.