davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
ENGLISH JOURNALISM.

Justin Mccarthy says that the future Of
journalism in England is greater degree
of Authorization after while they
will even get to interviewing people, writes
aLondon correspondent of the Chicago Neaos.
Now, just think of it, and then let loose a
half-dozen Chicago journalists in this big
village. Why, they would go through the
town like pack of eagles through an Irish
hamlet, and they would be about as popular,
too. The English newspaper man insists on
having faithful reports of uninteresting
speeches and debates, but he cannot abide
to have anything that everybody else has
not got, and he wouldn't go out of his rut
for anything. Unlike his American brother,
he has politics of so earnest sort that he
won't report an opposition meeting, and he
simply despises the journalist on the other
party paper. The reporter calls himself
"we," despises personal journalism. looks
forward to q sub-editorshp, at f5 week,
and counts his salary at SO much year.
Lately he is getting to be much better sort
Of man, and he is improving in his style of
work, but he is as much of machine, an
unwieldy dependent upon some outside
source for mental steam, and AZ helpless
without it, as the printing press that ought
to choke over his work sometimes.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
SINGULAR NAMES,

The intense devotion of the Puritans 10
the Scriptures particularly the Old Testa-
ment Scriptures, prompted them to adopt
the old Scripture names, ana the Bible was
ransaeked for names as odd and uncommon
as possible, says the St. Louis Globe Demo.
Hdt. Strange combinations of names were
made and, in order that the unlucky youth
nigh. be MS well loaded as possible, several
were bestowed. One unfortunate of the
time of Cromwell was afflicted with the
name Nebuchadnezznr Belshazar Hezekiah
Ebenezer Grump, while another went
through life bearing the burden of Senac-
charib Jeremiah Sarum. Finally the climax
was reached by giving children whole text
OF scripture for a name. Praise God Bare.
bones, of the Rump Parliament, was said to
have groaned under the afiiiction of PRAISE
t-hnd-not been through His mer-
GYM Christ Jesus you would have BEEN
damned Barabones." One of Barebones' fell
iow-suiferers was, "For-now- we-see-t through
a. glass darkly- but there face to- face Hig-
gers" This extravaganza in naming was its
own cure, for after the restoration many of
the Puritans found themselves 80 mach the
object of popular ridieule on account of their
lengthy and absurd names, that they volun.
arily changed them for rther and less cum.
5ersome handles.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
DO YOU KNOW THIS MANI

The Providence Star thus editorialiy de-
srbes an individual who had hobby and
bored the editor with it: "Ilo was the
squarest man bodily-this Joab Mahoy Oh
ney-the word ever saw. lie seemed to
have been sawed out of unmatched boards,
and even proximity to his person was sug-
gestive of protruding nails and splinters
He was also well up in sawmill manners,
such rs always leaving the door ajar for the
ingress of influenza, motioning instead of
talking as if to make himself understood
above the uproar of sharp-singing saws and
the constant dispensing of pungent odors of
yellow pins and ncwly-cut cedar. 1t was
more than strange that this dead-eyed rude
lmbered and untrimmed piece of human
timber should have formed friendship for
the editor, for it was calamitous. When
morbidly affected by his shady and deep.
rooted society we sometimes thought that
he was nailed loosely together in the sim,
ilitude of mortal arms and legs, and walking
upright to appal LIS before ourtime. Indeed
when he opened bis bark-colLred lips it was
like the slow lifting of the coffin lid, and the
conversation that rose therefron was always
lowered to the dead level and deadlier mon.
otone of DEATH"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
HEAVY BLOW S.


eyes, sir" continued the Texan, wiping
his mustache and contemplating the Mon
tana man thoughtfully. Eyes, sir, n Texan
norther is such as is regarded ms considera-
BILE by them that has seen it in full opera
ton"
els it calated to beat Montana
blizzard ?" inquired the man from the Month
west, whetting his knife on his boot and ap-
parently much interested in the narrative of
his companion.
at are" replied the Texan, solemnly.
" 1 am prepared to say TINT it is cal'lated to
beat anything that blows. Stranger, I've
seen norther carry stone wall twenty
miles and set it down rs it picked it up
without displacing dornick! Seen il done
myself Oncet seen one that turned nm
apple orchard upside down, and the man
Ind to dig out his harvest And that wasn't
much OF o norther, either!"
81 hoarn they was pretty powerful" con-
coded the Montana man, "but they don't
make no speed"
=" Stranger" continued the Texan, falling
into the trap, "stranger, / seen Texan
norther catch the first shake of IN earthquake
and carry it right over our town before that
quake could get grip anywhere Speed !!
speed Why, stranger, I seen q norther
ketch mortgage out'n mans hand onct,
and that mortgage was due before the man
picked himself outn the mud !"
Didn't think they went so fast" observed
Tho Montana man, with an ominous mild
ness. "Thats pretty fair goin' and l think
a great deal o. money could be made by i'm
porting them northers into our parts for
little breathing places when we have oliz-
lard on"
"Does billiards. go faster than that" in.
quired the Texan, who wanted to kick him.
self for not letting tho Montana man get bis
work in first.
~ never seen but one that wasn't making
10, 900 mile an hour" replied the Montana
man carelessly
"What seemed to be the matter with
him ~ asked the desperate Southerner, sar
castically.
at was n long time before we could find
out" continued no from Montana, but
finally when no got baekset somewhere
and wasn't going over 100 miles a minute,
we got on to what troubled him"
"Was he sick ?" demanded the Texan,
ready TO fight.
"No, he was trying to haul that dog gonad
norther of yours along / know it was the
same norther, cause | seen the mortgage
sticking outn his ear"
And then they went at IL; bnt when the
police got there the Montana man was still a
little ahead.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
CIRCUS oYMNAsrs AND RIDERS.

In conversation with a reporter of the st.
Louis Post Dispatch dircus manager said:
"The best gymnasts are Americans, but the
best riders are English Robinson and Fish
are both wonderful riders and both Amer
leans, but they never received that rudi-
mental training that gives afterwards such
grace and pose to the English professional.
Mime. Eloise Dockril is unquestionably the
greatest living rider, and draws a salary of
$3.50 week. The first lesson rider is
taught is about the same as that taught an
actor, and for aught know an opera singer
that is, to dance. They should be thor
ough dancers and masters of motion before
they are placed on horse. The greatest
male rider is James Robinson he receives
from $500 to 300 q week. The greatest
jockey rider is Frank Gardiner He is also
the most celebrated leaper. was present
at Dubuque Ia. in 1860, when, for the
championship belt and q wager Of $500 with
sault owe, thirty-two horses. His salary Is
$3.50 or $500 a week. Gymnasts are num-
erous, some very good, others the rayersa-
Did yon ask about triple somersaultf
There are no triple somersaulters; it never
has been done. When any one tells you the
contrary, but him down for a-mistake.
Two have tried it, but never lived to make
second attempt Yes, some are well paid;
some are not. Performers-good ones, Of
course-the best. The poorly paid men in
the profession are the agents and officers.s
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
A MIXED MEDICINE PUFF.

We regret very much the act of gross care.
lessness by which, the other day, tho advcr-
tisement of ono of our largest patent medi-
cine patrons got mixed up with the account
Of tho bulldog on North Hill that involunta
rily suicided by eating half pound of raw
meat and fifteen grains of strychnine
" Father Ind been sick for nearly five years.
writes little girl, "and the doctors gave up
all hope of ever seeing him out of bed. A
friend said to us, Why don't you try Sylvia
Greenbaum's Liver Wort I? We bought a
bottle, and father took three doses, when he
fell on the ground and began bowling in the
most heart-rending manner. He writhed
and yelled in the most intense agony, tear.
ing the ground with his teeth and swapping
at everybody who came near him. 1t was
80 clearly evident that no human power
could save him from the fatal effects of the
deadly dose, that passing policeman was
called in who silenced his bowls and ended
his sutferings by knocking him on the head
with an axe helve. We wouldn't be with
out bottle of it in the house now for any
noney."-Burliagtoa HHokeys. 3
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
A MODERN CAVALIER.

Pc tilteth not at tournament
Love lists, with .evel lance,
Nor wendeth TO the Orient
Like hero OF romance
lie bears no cuirassed breast-plate,
Plumed helm, nor FURNISHED spear,
For raideth at a Moslem gate
This modern cavalier.
He comes not with crusadlng air,
AS Bernard de Clavaux,
Nor yet TO champion the fair,
1ncog., as Ivanhoe;
Pirates not about lion heart"
Though Richard knew more fear,
And as FOR valor stands apart,
Unmatched, my Cavalier.
His virtues come adown line
or spotlieSt chiyalry,
That Christian charity divine
Meath standard fieur de lys.
No Bayard, nohlest son OF France,
Nor Sidney ranks his peer,
Nor lived a knight dare shiver lance
With this pure Cavalier.
In harness snineth he mail proof
Against dishonor, wrong,
Suspicion. Islander, stink aloof,
Assall no. one so strong!
Yet an disarmed standeth he
Before one soriowing tear.
With all that quick, sweet sympathy
Which marks the Cavalier.
His lance Is ever In defense
OF worthlest womanhood
OF helplessness, youth, innocence,
The gentle, guilr,ess, good;
With just that dash OF gallantry
10 woman's hearts most dear,
And Is he not, of courtesy,
A prince this Cavalier?
New Orleans Times Democrat
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
POETRY.
NOTE THE BRIGHT HOURS ONLY.

A lesson in itself sublime,
A lesson worth enslrinlng,
Is this; 81 take no heed OF time,
Save when the sun is shining -
These motto words. dial bore,
And wisdom never breaches
10 human hearts better lore
Than this short sentence teaches.
AS life is sometimes bright and fair,
AS stmetlmes dark and lonely,
let us forget the toll and care
And Note bright hours only"
There is no grave on earth's broad chart
But has some bird to cheer it
So hope sings on In every breast,
Although we may not hear it;
And IL to-day the heavy wing
OF sorrow is depressing,
Perchance to-morrow's sun may bring
The weary heart blessing.
We bid the joyous moments haste,
And then forget their glitter
We take the cup of life, and taste
No portion but the bitter.
But should we teach our hearts to deem
Its sweetest drops the strongest,
And pleasant hours should ever seem
To linger with us longest.
The darkest shadows of the night
Ara just before the morning
Then let us wait the coming ligh-,
All boding phantoms seorning,
And while we're passing on the tide
OF Times fast ebbing river,
Let's pluck the blossoms by its side
And bless tie gracious Giyer.
Utica observer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13

Or THE Two Evils TAKE YoUR CHOICE
There are queer differences in the way diff
ferent men do business. Some men qrevery
slow about doing the work and very quick
abont brineingiD the bill, while others ara
very prompt about doing the work, but it is
small eternity before you can get them Ia
render a bill or state the price for the job
L0aoeH Citizen.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13

HE NEW AND THf OLD METHODS. "A
Buffalo scientist explains that the aesthetic
way of cracking butternut is TO make an
lncision in the osseous endocarp at right an
giles with the plaeente ip the region of the
rudmehtary sutures. In this way the OPP
orator Is able TO strike the oleaginous ovule
literally. The old method was to break
the shell with fiat iron and pick out the
fruit with hairpin.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13

A MApEN's INExpLIoApLE FIcKLENEss. -
A smallsensation occurred on Big Skin Creeh
in Lewis County, about ten days ago.
There was to have been wedding. The
guests, some forty number, had assembled,
the bride was dressed, and all were in wait
ing for the minister, who was not 200 yards
from the house, when the lady all at once
changed her mind and the affair was indef-,
nitely postponed. The would-be groom was
gentleman wellto do in the world, and the
lady gives no cause for her strange pro
cedure -Knoroiils Chronicle.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13

AN EDUCATED MONKEY. TT wouldn't
sell that monkey for $500" said Siguor Patti
who ia not related to the divine Adelina, but
who Lss wide reputation as monkey
trainer. 81 have had him ever since he was
baby and have taught him all he knows
He plays the fiddle, beats the drum, loads
the gun, skips the rope and does other
tricks. don't want to tell how / trained
him, because that would be giving away thu
secrets ofmy business. Icould train another
Just as easy, but wouldn't sell this one, be.
cause that would be bad luck Yes, / be-
lieve in luck, and carry Bnakeskin and a
potato in my pocket all the time, thatmy luck
may be good"--St. Louis Post Dis.
DaLcL
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13

AppE,nANofs coMgrIMEs DECEIVE -
Judge not by appear >. A woman can
carry pocketbook in her hand just as
proudly when 1t only contains two horse-ca'
tickets and latch key ss when full OF bills
L0aoeH Citizen.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
g. A. d G.. III. skill MIN,
AttOrneys-at-

SOUTHEAST COR. BRID0E AND UNION SITS,
LAMBERTVILLE N. J.
Collections and all legal business intrusted TO
our care will receive prompt and faith fnl a'ien-
ton.
G.. A. SKILLMAN, G. II. SKILIMAN,
L6anSeil0r-di- Lar. .iH0raey-at- LaIc
julY .. 1879.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13
MISCELLANY
DESTRUCTION OF IVORY.

\ Limited SnppIy Now In the MARKETS. q
the World.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-13

Cutlery in endless variety at Gandey's
store, 81 Bridge st. ct.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-23
Bobby's Mistake.

Bobby's father builds boats by the
bay. Bobby and his friends run and
jump and skip on the wharf. They
hang on the ropes and swing from the
booms of the vessels They Jump into
row-boats and rock them till the water
comes over tho sides. Then they shake
themselves, and laugh, and sit in the
sun until their clothes.ar are dry. Bobby
often tumbles into the water, but he al
ways comes up like a rubber ball! He
loves that bay and says This kind Of
water does not drown folks!"
One day new boat lay waiting for
its mast. The men in the boat-house
heard noise like that OF great sea-
bird tapping its wings on the deck.
They ran out, and there lay q little body,
dressed in short pants and red stock
and feet. Il was Bobby-all but his
head! And where was his headp Down
in the dark hole ofthc boat! The bowls
and sobs told that Bobby's head was
still on his neck. IN FL
Bobhy's father took a small saw, and
sawed piece Of plank out Of the deck.
He had to saw very near the little white
neck, but he did not even scratch it.
Then he pulled Bobby up by his heels.
The little face was very red. He was
nearly dead. They gave him some
water. and when he was better, asked:
How did you get your head down
thereP'
As soon as Bobby could get breath
enough he said: II thought that mast
hole would just fit my head; and SO II
did! But my ears and nose wouldn't
let it come up again when l wanted It
to-
"What did you think when your head
was down therep" asked his father.
Bobby caught his breath again, and
sobbed out: II thought If my head had
TO stay down there I couldn't see the
torchlights to-night!'
A man said: You'd better keep away
from the water"
Then Bobby sprang to his feet and
cried: at wasn't the waters fault that
| put my head into the mast-hole."
Every summer we expect to hear that
Bobby has been drowned. But the first
face we see, staring in at the stage door,
is always Bobby's. our Little Ones.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-23
II Wasn't a Mash.

Soon after we left Meridian, on the
way across to Vicksburg, solemn
looking old chap came into the smoker
and groaned and sighed and took on
like man terribly distressed, and when
it the worst, he replied;
"Gentlemen, there is powerfully
good-looking young woman in the next
car, and she has fallen into the hands
Of human hyena."
Mop" shouted three or four voices
at once.
Yes, indeed. He's wicked-look-
ing wolf in sleeps clothing. If | mis-
take not, he represents some New En-
gland machinery house. He's squeez-
ing of her hand and whispering of
his love, and the giddy thing has fallen
right into the trap. couldn't bear to
see it any longer and so ! came in
here. Gentlemen, some of you have
daughtersr'
Yes, there were three of us who had
daughters ranging from two to seven
years old, and we were honest enough
to admit it.
Just think of your daughters being
kayjoled by PhilistincN' he continued.
"He's talking and flattering and prom
Using. and she's somebody's daughter.
Gentlemen, something orter be did,
We agreed. We all loungcd in and
saw that she was good-looking, hap
py-faced girl of twenty, and we returned
and held an Indignation meeting, After
a fine display of cloquence and oratory
1t was unanimously agreed that If the
masher got off ut Jackson, where we
were to wait twenty minutes, the good
old man should go in and tell that girl
reached, and sure enough the human
nyena got of and ran into the hotel. He
was not out of sight when we all en-
tered the car, and the philanthropist
took seat beside the girl and began:
my dear young lady, my heart is
sad-oh, so sad! you! You are on
the road to destruction!''
"W-what do you meanp" she fall
tered.
IL mean that the villain who left you
a moment ago is seeking to ensnare
you"
1.-The v-villainv'
"Yes, ma am, the wolf in sleeps
clothing-the hycna in human form :
the scoundrel whose very look proves
the vileness of his heart. warn you
to beware. Of him as you would Of a SER
pent."
"Why, he's-he's my husbandP' she
shouted at the top of hcrv voice, and the
next instant she had her fingers playing
through his venerable locks and exca-
waiting channels down his wrinkled
cheeks.
All of us got away at last and found
hiding places in the baggage and mail
cars-all but the old man. When he
managed, to get clear of the bride he
slid off the car and took a Decline up
town, and though he met several people
while in sight of us, we couldn't see
that he stopped to answer any ques-
tons. Detroit Free Press.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-23
PlfNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

BE self-reliant; do not take too
much advice but rather depend upon
yourself.
"A mules hind leg has only one sea-
son-it is always beautiful spring,
even If it is backward. Spring in this
case is always followed by an early fall
An exchange says all the cotton fac
tories IN the South are making money.
That il "queer." Isn't the mint in run
ming orderp-Burlington Hawh-Eye.
Some one wants to know why Nils
son announces every concert she gives
in Boston as a farewell. Because
she does fare well every time. -Mitton
NeUs.
Here is proof conclusive that pig
may be fish. A tautog is a. fish; an
educated pig is a taught hog; ergo, the
metamorphosis is apparently. y Ad-
Uertiser.
A Venetian glass manufacturer is
fabricating ladies' bonnets by the thou
sands, and selling them, too. That
style of bonnet ought 10 make good
looking lasses. -Boston Star.
Base ball fashions for 1888: Fingers
will be covered with cotton cloth, cut
a la mode, and held in place by splints;
eye-patches will be dark blue in color,
and without fringe; bandages will be
cut bias, and court plaster will be worn
on all occasions. Chicago Times.
"A well-meaning person gives hints
telling chow to live on seventy-five
cents week." There is such a thing
as being too close, and most editors viii
just keep on squandering eighty cents a
week, even if they see ruin staring them
in the face.-Ieras iSiftings.
The Toronto Globe has found the
bane of Manitoba. 1t is the too eager
pursuit of wealth. Wehad an idea that
it was forty-eight degrees below zero in
winter and good sleighing all the
spring, but the Globe probably knows
best. Detroit Free Press.
miss Fitzjoy-aw-are you not
fond of etchings, -aw-you know they
are deuced clever some of them are?"
..Ah, yes, indeed, Mr.. Featherweight.
And do you know there is something
about you that reminds me very much
Of an etching?" why, really-aw-
how charming-' Eyes. There is
about you such foggy suggestion of
something that isn't there, you know"
Hartford Post.
A few years ago two boys Of the
name of John Smith were sent to the
same school where the pupils had
learned that "a rose by any other name
would smell as sweet" Hence they
were more prodigal than particular in
comforting new names upon each other,
but the twin name of John Smith" fol-
time staggered them. At last, how
ever, they discovered that one of the
young gentlemen was the son Of an
auctioneer and the other the son of .
waiter, so the former was 1t once
dubbed Going Smith and the latter
Coming Smith, names by which they
are still-distinguished. Chicago 1'rib.
usss.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-23
Little by Little.

Every day little knowledge. One
fact in q day. How small is one factl
Only one! Ten years pass by. Three
thousand six hundred and fifty facts are
not a small thing.
Every day little self-dcnial. The
thing that is difficult to do to-day will
be an easy thing to do three hundred
and sixty days hence, II each day it
shall have been repeated. What power
Of sclf-mastery shall he enjoy who,
looking to God for grace, seeks every
Every day a little helpfulness. We
live for the good Of others, II our living
be in any sense true living. 1t is not in
great deeds Of Kindness only that the
blessing is found. In little deeds Of
kindness" repeated every day, we find
true happiness. At home, at school, in
the street, in the neighbor's. house, we
shall find opportunity every day for
usefulness. - PHILADELPHIA Methodist.