The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-06-16


siness. Doubtless, though, husbands
will have to be more agile than ever in
skirmishing around to pay for it.
Now that Arthur Sullivan is knighted
we SHALL expect no more musical works
from him. for the good book tells us
that when the knight cometh no man
can work.
Mr.. Isaacs, canyon tole me we're vas
the first diamondP'' No, Mr.. Yaw-
cobs; we're vas it?" Ivy. Noah's son
on der ark; he vas Shem of der fust
water"
Joseph Cook has written an article on
tobacco, but fails to teach the secret of
carrying cigars in the vest pocket in
such manner that ones friends can
not detect them.
do you see that young man going
along thereP" Yes; what of it?'' "He's
got girl on the brain. " "Ah; Judging
from his appearance the girl must have
soft sit.
At breakfast the other morning
New York dude declined piece of shad.
He had been told that fish food made
brain, and he didn't want to unfit HIM
self for the position he occupied in So
ciety.
1t has been said that on founding
colony, the first thing Spaniard does
is to build "A gallows, Portuguese to
build a church, an Englishman drink
ingbooth. and Frenchmah a dancing
floor
1t has been discovered that one cause
of the popularity OF the telephone con-
5ists in the fact that by means of it
man can talk with friend five min
utes without asking him to take
rink.
The Philadelphia NeaOS defines the
difference between a newspaper man
and journalist A newspaper man is
one who has been writing editorials for
twenty years. A journalist is one who
began police reporting two weeks ago.
Il will love yon always" said q
young man to the girl whose hands he
clasped. Il will love you when you are
old" But will you love me when I'm
fat" she said. That's the question: -
-ArkanSaW TrQUeler
A Cincinnati paper says the audience
grew enthusiastic over a pasteboard lion
that did duty in one of the Roman plays
last week. This lion probably looked
something like goat, and was mistaken
for bock-beer sign.
1t is said by somebody that the poll
test man in Des Moines is gentleman
who put telephone in at his home
few days ago, and who has called the
central office up regularly every night
since to bid the operators good night
before retiring.
WAS the alderman drunk" asks an
exchange, in giving an account of the
actions of one of those interesting per-
sonages. Well, We can't exactly say,
but we should think he was old-a-man
enough to know better than to do such
things.
Il have been married now boosted
a prosy old fellow, more than thirty
years, and have never given my wife a
cross word !" THAT because you never
dared, uncle, said little nephew who
lived with them, If you had, auhtie
would have made you jump"
Omaha wonders why she can't pro-
duce great actor or poet, and then
turns around and tells Of citizen fall
ing beneath wagon loaded with two
tons of stone and having a wheel pass
over his head without cracking his skull.
Detroit Free Press.
Here you, didn't you read the sign
1t is against the rule to smoker in these
cars pr Yes, Tread your blamed old
sign and have not broken your rule yet,
I'm smoking in the singular number in
this one car just now When l smoke
in these cars then it will be time for
you to talk, "-Te1as Sytings.
A cat has nine lives, But that doesn't
enable you to comprehend how you can
hear her, or him, as the case may be,
spit and squat and yell in fifteen differ
ent places on four shed roofs and two
fences at the same time Alas, how
weak and vain thing is science, after
all!-Barlinqtop Has0keye.
when were these eggs boiledP' ask
cd a man OF negro lunch dealer. "Dis
nawnin', sab We'll, then, they're
no account | can't eat an egg that
hasn't been boiled several days. " ''Oh,
does yer mean when da was fust biledf
Da was billed fus' las week, an was
only billed ober dis mawnin sab. =
| ArkanSdl0 TrdUeier
The other day on an Arkansas rail
road, an old gentleman sat, half asleep,
with book entitled 1.-The Train Rob
bers' lying on his lap. Pretty soon he
sank to sleep. The windowsash fell
with loud report, and the old man,
springing to his feet and throwing up
his hands, exclaimed, Gentleman,
| haven't got cent. "
A colored brother in this city, when
questioned recently with regard to the
spiritual condition of his church, spoke
most enthusiastically of its growth
Had any conversionsP" continued the
interrogation. Better than that, better
than that, replied the brother; "sinee
our new minister began preaching fol
us all the disinfected ones are coming
back"
The stage beard looks as much like 8
beard that grew there as a cows tai
would if tied to the bronze dog on the
front porch. When you tie q heavy
black beard on young actor WHOSE
whole soul would be ehurned up if he
smoked a full-fedged cigar, he looks
about as savage as bowl of mush and
milk struck with club = Montana
Gazette.
/ He was a five-year-old grandson o.
the author of ..Uncle Toms Cabin, .
and he was swinging on a neighbor'
| front gate. willie" said his mother
"Mr. Smith doesn't like to have anyon'