The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-08-04
Paragraph F;end.

A master Of free hand draWing-lh'
pickpocke.
Paris green--the chap that has beer
there week
Speaking of fast colors, isn't roug
classed as one of them?
Blobson calls accompaniment bald
headed music-bccausc they haven't go
any air.
When a poor fellow begins gong TO th'
dogs, it is only his dog who continues t.
sympathlze with him.
"Pa, how can club blackbaIl man y
when 1t knocks him out, my son, wher
it knocks him out"
During the SIMMER months the criterion
of veraciy will he transferred from thc
graves,onc to the circus poster-O1y CHJ
Derrick.
DR.. Potter, OF New York, lamcnts 1.-The
decay OF enthusiasm lie should watch
the small boy on the morning of the
circus.
The mcanest man out is the one who
knows who will be the next President, but
won't tell.-N a. PicdyPHe.
Duelling is no longer popular in the
South. No American wants to die until
he sees how the Langtry Gcbhard filtration
turns out-PhtIddeiphta Chr0Htcle.
An ugly and dsgraceiul rumor Is in cir.
cuation that David Davis wears corsets.--
san Francisco Er0miHer.
A new cigar Is appropriately called the
"Mother-in.aw." 1t is always sure to get
the best OF fellow oaherS Statesman,
Hanlan is the crack sculler Of the world,
but the New York policemen still cOntin-
Ne the skull crackers.-PhiM Ctroajcle
A clothing dealer advertses "ready. made
Childrens suits" Children Of this sort
are supposed not to be very particular
about clothing.-N. u. Picdg4ne.
The most puzzled beng in this wide,
wide world is the small boy who possesses
one cent and doesn't know what to spend
II iOr.--Puck.
New York Commercial AdcertiSer, An
t4LhdlCul JOCltSS UHAlOuSlJ walls - "utIC
can find rests" Get position as sales
woman in q store that doesn't advertise,
darling.
i sick man in Kentucky when asked to
bequeath his body after death to medical
college, refused saying that he didn't pro-
pose to be led into any such dead give
away as that
They call it "a romantic marriage when
q couple of the nelghbors get the brides
father in back room and SIT ON him toI
prevent his Interruptlng and brcakiaE up
The wedding
An enthusiastic country exchange re
marks: The hills and valleys are carpet
cd with the vcrdant growing crops" \
neat idea. The carpet, strictly speaking,
is Of the ingram variety. PHtsJUrgh
lclcgrGPh
\ few moments sometimes make great
change. a man with blue eyes WAS seen
going INTO a beer saloon yesterday, and
when he came out n little later nc had
black eyes B0Ston Pest
A man who paid plumber $500 for
putting the water on every floor OF his
house, said when the kitchen chimney
caught fire the engine company did the
same job without charging HIM a cent
81 DEss 1T WAS PAPA"
"Who made those marksW asked stern papa, |
"Whose pencil is 10 blamey
The wall is spoit-come, children, here
He calls them each by name
But not child has seen the marks,
Each "guesses" twas the other.
wen find this out" persists papa,
'Ill 90 and ask your mother"
But she knows nothing Of the marks
Made since the day began),
And, quite determined TO find out,
She asks each little man.
Then guilty George lifts his eyes,
And whispers lond, Mamma,
dess know who made those marks -
dess 1t was papa"
What makes you drink as you do 3" ex.
claimed Mrs. lliggle,on, turning to her
husband, who steadled himself against the
door and surveyed his wife. What makes
me drink as do?" he repeated with an
idiotic chuckle cause there amt no
other way to drink"
\ humorous sketch in the August Gem
lsrY, called "The Silk Dress Story" con.
iains the happy variation of an old prov.
erb: "a true Bostonian Is one who when |
lie is in Rome does rs the Bostonians do"
Fourth of July comes early in the sum
mer so as to give the physicians family |
the necessary money to spend the latter
portion at the seashOre or mountains
Phtladeiphja chronicle.
Yes" SAID the duellist, "hc gave nc
worse slur after we got on the field than he |
did In provoking the quarrel. He sad he |
should shoot at my heart and deliberately |
fred at my boots. "-B0St0A Post.
Rhode island strawberries Of six inches !
in circumference are reported. The most
wonderful part OF the story is how they |
grew in the state without hanging over
into ConnectiCut.-OU city Derrick
\ South Carolina man rode twenty |
three miles to stab aud destroy 4 prize !
pumpkin which his enemy was raising to |
.y6,b,t a, .bn rpuutv far vsi thorn orn