New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-01-24
WIT AND HUMoR.

WIT AND HUMoR
How is it those schools Of philosophy
never turn out philosopher?
Cincinnati brewers won't drink each
Others beer on the ground of health.
Il dess l know what memory isl
said little four-year-old. sits the
ting fordet wid.''
One of human natures oddities The
girl with the biggest feet always wants
to play Cinderella.
Boston is q town with ends to 1t In
stead Of sides. That's one reason why
she can never square herself.
"A New England Photographer has dis
covered that a dogs lungs is the seat
of its pants.
Some men are born slight, some
achieve slightness, but most men have
sights put upon them.
Mince pie is not only the most healthy
of any sort, but you may eat six OF 'em
for supper and have no bad dreams.
An engaged girl is happiest when she
is telling about it to another girl who is
not engaged and is not likely to be.
A mule is not generally considered an
@sthete; but give his hind quarters half
a show and he is big on art decorating.
when will this car go?'' asked a
gentleman, the other evening. ''As
soon as it has cargo" was the prompt
reply.
The reason why some of the street
lamps burn all night is because the
light is SO small it is afraid to go out
alone in the dark.
Every cloud has silver lining"
said Respondent diner, as he saw the
dusky walters pocket the quarters Of
the guests.
The earth is said to have two motions,
but to a drunken man coming home at
II o'clock at night it doubtless has
more than 200.
Seventeen thousand names were adj
ded to the pension rolls this last year.
1t is never too late to find out that you
were disabled.
Forney's Progress claims that billiard
balls can be made of potatoes. Perhaps
they can, but what's the use of wasting
the potatoes?''
Cairo, ILL.,, is the place where an Eng
lish sparrow carried a lighted cigar stub
to its nest under the caves and burned
up the house. Sparrows haven't the
right sort of mouth to smoke cigars.
SWELL madame, how's your husband
to-dayP" why, doctor. he's no bet
ter ''Did you get the leeches?"
Eyes, but he only took three of them
raw had to fry the rest"
Young housewife: "What miserable
little eggs again! You must really tell
them, Jane, to let the hens sit on them
q little longer, or we must change our
grocer
When you see it stated that a man is
''eminently respectable you can make
up your mind that he is chap worth
over $l,0O0,0O0. Anywhere under that
figure is simply esteemed citizen"
''How dreary life would be without
hope" observes a Cleveland paper.
Yes, and when you get the list and find
that your ticket didn't hit how mad you
are.
They were discussing an elopement,
and one lady, turning to her friend,
said: Don't you believe it would kill
you if your husband were to run away
with another woman7'' ut might" was
the cool reply. "Great joy sometimes
kills"
A New England physician says that
if every family would keep box Of
mustard in the house three-fifths of the
doctors would starve. No instructions
as to whether it should be kept in the
pantry or down cellar.
A negro was observed the other day
mailing an unstamped letter at the post
office in country town in Georgia. He
was asked what he meant by mailing
unpaid letters. ..Oh,'' replied the me-
gro, Il does that reg'lar.'f "You dop''
''Yesser; wen de postmaster amt look
in l draps my letter in; do dat often.
saves de postage, yer see. jes write
letter, don't put no stamp onto it, and
slips here and lets her drap. OATS de
way send my letters and gets de best
of the postotfice -ha! ha! takes dis Mig
ger to be sharp, it does.''
The Dakota town of Pierre has new
Jail, and some people wonder because a
local newspaper man praises it as "a
substantial wooden structure Even
pine Jail ought to hold man until
the npighbors can get a rope.
A German emperor made visit to
one of his towns. and was received at
the gate by long row of deputies. just
as they were about to address him q
r.t>e. Il AoS,. ~