Milford chronicle., 1883-05-18

WHAT BOYS DID.
There are some queer things about
boys Here is Johnny, the son Of ten
der and indulgent parents, who couldn't
eat any breakfast the other morning be-
cause of what he considered the gross
ineompetency of the cook. Nothing
could suit him the breakfast was cooked
too much, there was too much saleratus
in the biscuits and he shifted suspiciously
at the milk, and being assured by his
mother that it was good, swallowed it un-
der protest Then he went out to play,
it being holiday, and hunted up some
other spirits like himself, and they
all set out to enjoy themselves In pur-
suance of plan then and there formed,
one Of them went home and got Bridget
to give him some flour +; a second went to
a neighboring bakery and bought yeast
cake. and others contributed salt, butter
Und various other articles Of the sort that
seemed to them necessary. Then they
went into a back lot and with a barrel
head for a moulding-board and a base
ball bat for a rolling-pin, prepared a GER
tain nondescript species Of flat cake, into
which they incorporated all the ingredi-
ents which they had managed to pur-
chase, borrow or steal and they built up
an oven Of bricks and built a fire therein
and baked the composition on the top of
an old piece of sheet-iron which they OPP
portunely CHANGED upon, And when the
thing was baked to their lil1ing-they
had to pry it off the iron with Bill Thorn
sons iackknife-they all partook thereof
with great delight and said it was bully"
and they wished they had such grub as
that at home. And the fastidious
johnny above referred to quite outdid
all his companions in voracity and loud
expressions Of approval.
A BROOKLYN ALDERMAN's oRAToRY.
The orator Of the occasion was
Brooklyn alderman. As he stood up to
address the audience he pulled down his
vest, readjusted his shirt collar and
threw back the lappels of his coat, dis
playing the noble chest to great adyan-
tage One of his fellow members could
not refrain from audi5ly noting his re-
to a Greek statue. His
speech, which was literally applauded,
as follows:
Gentlemen, you have heard that
Lord Nelson exclaimed at the battle Of
lake Erie. Give me death or Axmin-
ter Abbey = But, gentlemen, don't
want none of your abbeys When I
lie, give me a niche in the patent Office
# American statesmen"
BABoRING WITH A CARPET.
There is probably no other household
uty that devolves upon man that he so
earthly despises as that of tying his
.gs up in a double-bow knot, humping
p in a little wad over a carpet, and
irving between gasps for breath and
imprecations to hit a little in
gnificant tack in the corner Of a room.
he tack persists in standing on its
cad just at the time when the man plies
le hammer with a frenzied effort, and
g stops a moment to let about four gal
ms Of perspiration soak out Of him. 1t
worth double the price of admission to
atch a man put down a carpet, and men
no are not troubled with such laborious
ID heartrending duties, have been
lown to go more miles to see a man at
mpt to 'down" a rebellious carpet,
an they would to see the biggest prize
yht that ever was. From the time the
ctim begins to think about his prospec-
7e task he is mad, and grows madder,
It'll the grand tableau that usually takes
ace about the time the task is half fin
he'd, and putting like whale, and
rearing at every jump, he goes down
wn and hires a man to come up and
cllle the carpet But he usually COM
ences by taking the carpet in a roll
d throwing it down inTle center Of
e room, where he stands and glares at
and swears he viii have it down in
teen minutes at the outside.
He drags corner Of the carpet up in
corner of the room, and puts in the
st tack " just as easy, and he keeps
along one side of the room, driving
a tack, pounding the " mop-boards,
d knocking his thumb and fingers at
cry rap. Then he gets madden He
oeeeds to stand or sit,on the very part
the carpet that he wants to stretch up
the side Of the room, and he pants
G a locomotive, and wears off some
,re skin from his hands. His knees get
FER every minute, he gets a crick in
: back and he perspires like a tin
ter cooler ON a hot summer day,
ont the time he is so mad that it
ms as though he would burst, and his
DTS are full Of perspiration, and he
.kes last conclusive effort to lift the
ye Of the carpet up to that he is stand
on and holds it in place with his
tn, and with his head wedged against
wall he strikes wildly at where he
, POSES the tack to be, and mashes
thumb fatter than the proceedings
the star route trial, he jumps up
Ii a yell and swears that is the last
le he viii ever touch a carpet, and
IS and hires some one to dait, just as
has always done before There are
,usands Of men in this country who
rer will know what it is to labor with
apet and stand on their heads in
room for four hours at time, but
y