davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Too Much Kentucky French.

A Kentucky farmer with lot of friends
were doing Louisville one night, says the
Merchant Trareler, and brought up at a
small restaurant, where the farmer called
for everything on the bill, and especially
quail on toast. When he went to settle the
bill was $2375.
whats that? | don't want to buy your
dOgoned old restaurant. | want to pay for
the feed for this gang"
THAT is what the bill is for, sir"
Then one Of his friends got hold of him
and urged him not to pay so much.
''Do you know" said he, what quail on
toast is ?'
NO, but it was in the bill in big letters
Il know it, and they charged you IS
cents for each one"
'Who are they"
why, quail on toast amt nothin' in the
world but pa'tridges and light bread, and
you know we can git patridges for y cents
a dozen down where we come from, and
bread don't cost nothin' Don't you pay
more'n that; if you DO you're fool"
He settled at $50, and as he went out he
remarked:
well, dog ON the French language, any
how. French French is bad enough, but
when man tackles Kentucky French and
has to pay $40 to find out that quail on
toast means pa'tridges and light bread, l
think its about time to build schoolhouses
at every cross roads in the State"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Insulting the Flag.
Texas Siftings.

Texas Siftngs
"Ah, Jones, good morning. said Mr..
Plumbottle, the other day, grasping his
friend warmly by the hand, II have a few
questions / want to ask you
Proceed" replied Jones grayely.
Have got short, bull neck?"
Quite the contrary" said Jones.
Am all intellectual development. and
no hair? Does my forehead extend away
over to the base of my brain ~
Quit the contrary
DO look like a pouter pigeon with a
white vest and moss rose in my coat
lapel?"
Certainly not"
Am l cock-eyed?"
NO." said Jones Indignantly.
"Glad to hear it," said PlumBottle,
"Glad to hear you SO emphatically deny
the following foul aspersion. See here"
taking a newspaper out of his pocket,
that leading British luminary, Lord Chief
Justice Coleridge, says that Benjamin F.
Butler is the typical American. Plumbot-
tie, shall we, as freeman, take such insults,
or shall we twist the lions tail 2"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
The Way He Looked at il.

Albany Argus
4 boy passing the peanut stand at the
corner of Broadway and Columbia street
Yesterday noon, snatched single peanut
from the open roaster. The attendant
Italian saw the act and as quick as flash
seized the lad, to whom he administered a
vicious kick. A benevolent old gentleman
who had witnessed the affair demonstrated
with John
Why do you kick a small boy for
taking one peanut? You ought to be ar
rested"
"Dida you sometima sella re peanuts Z
quered the Italian pleasantly.
No" replied the old gentleman, with
puzzled expression.
"Wella, tella you somezing zen. onea
lit-tel steala onea lit-tel peanut, no maka
mucha losa. Buta when re tousen little
boy steala re tousen peanuts, it maka helia
re hole in re bag"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
He Was Easily Satisfied.

While talking with the brisk proprietor
Of a shoe store the other day, attention was
drawn to an ''aisy" son of toll who was
driving sharp bargain with one of the
clerks. my good man., said the knight
OF the shoe horn, persuasively. "I've
shown you the best pair of shoes in the
store. What kind is it you want ?"
"Shure, was the naive response, ";t's me-
self that isn't particular, if the soles are in
desthructible and the uppers are made of
eternity"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Capacity of Ocean TeIegraphs.

The statement is made in the Engineering
that in recent trials of the spped of work
ing on the Jay Gould cables laid across the
Atlantic from Penzance to Canso, in Nova
Scotia, 1000 code words were sent from
Penzance, and received in the Canso station,
in eighty-one minutes, including all'repeti-
tions and corrections The thousand words
consisted of 7,2s8 letters, which is about
equivalent to 1,46S words of five letters
each the average number for the English
language, or eighteen words per minute.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
A MISGUIDED YOUTH.

Merchant Traveller.
A cowboy dropped into church,
Intent on goodness purely;
He went away up in the front
And took a seat demurely.
He felt little out of place.
But thought he ought to try it,
And watching what the others did,
Maintained perfect quiet.
He didn't make "A single break,
Nor show the least detection,
Until little deacon came
TO take the church collection.
The plate came to the cowboy first,
OF course with nothing in it;
He looked up at the deacon, then
Down on the plate a minute.
He couldn't tell the game at all,
And didn't dare to doubt it;
The more he tried to find it out,
The less lie knew about il.
At last he spoke right out in church.
Now look a-here, old Banty,
Don't try no bluff, I'll take the chips
JiS sing ont what's the ante"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Old People.

Baldwin county, Alabama, contains three
living beings whose ages aggregate 1856
years. Their names are: Sylvia Cambert
113 years; Mary English, no years. and
Peter Hall, 113 years. Their ages were
obtained from the Judge of Probate for
Baldwin county, who, by the way, is a
remarkable man himself, being upward Of
so years of age and still erect and active.
He thinks nothing of riding 36 miles on
horseback to marry a couple, and then
return home in time for supper. Again,
there is Mr.. Howard, sc years of age, who
married only last Fall
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
BOSTON "CULCHAW..

The Judge.
Miss Pallas Eudora Won Blurky,
She didn't know chicken from turkey,
High Spanish and Greek
She could fluently speak,
But her knowledge of poultry was murky.
She could tell the great uncle of Moses,
And the dates of the wars of the Roses;
And the reasons of things,
Why the Indians wore rings,
In their red aboriginal noses.
Why Shakespeare was wrong in his grammar
And the meaning of Emerson's "Brahnra;"
And she went chipping rocks
Wit II Il little black box
And small geological hammer.
She had views upon coeducation
nd the principal needs of the nation,
And her glasses were blue,
And the number she knew
OF the stars in each high constellation.
And she wrote in a handwriting clerky,
And she spoke with an emphasis jerky;
And she painted on tiles
In the sweetest of styles.
But her knowledge of poultry was murky.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
The Highest RAILWAY.

Ground was broken November 18th at
Crystal Park, Colorado, for a railway
which is intended to run to the summit of
Pixies Peak, an elevation of 14,2OO feet.
This will be the highest line of railway on
the North American continent, and is
expected to be completed by the first of
next July. The calculation for the first
years business embraces the carrying of
10000 people 10 the summit of Pixies
Peak, $4,000 to Seven Lakes, and 10000 to
Crystal Park. 1t is another of the many
grand schemes to add to the attractions of
tne Centennial State
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
MARRIAGEABLEG GIRLS BEWARE
American Hog Treat Their Amer-
can Wives.

Joseph F. Potter, our Counsel at Creteld,
Germany, has been making investigations
in regard to matter Of great interest to
our fair country women, and the result OF
his labors is to be found in report full of
information of the most vital interest He
has been inquiring into the results of mar
riages between American girls and Ger
man mobiles, and what he tells us is most
startling
In thirty-three marriages cited there has
not only not been q single happy union,
but either a divorce or abandonment has
speedily followed the wedding. He finds
the reason for this unhappy state OF affairs
to be that the American wives have IN
every instance been brutally treated, and
in some cases absolute violence has been
used The brides were expected to perform
the most menial office. In one instance,
the husband who is an officer of rank i'll
the German army, demanded that his wife
perform the services usually expected from
a servant of the humblest sort, and one of
the things she was ordered to do was to
superintend the cleaning of his boots.
This lady was the daughter of leading
railroad magnate in Western State, and
the story she tells is a most pitiable one
I1GT ldlItI lOOh tHC plSCou-
tion at her marriage to settle his daugh-
ter's fortune upon her, and tied it up in
such a way that she could not relinquish
its control even if she desired to do SO.
After many humiliating tasks had been
given this lady, the boot-cleaning was re-
quired Then she rebelled She drew the
line there, and with her American blood at
the boiling point she fatty refused. Her
warrior husband, who, besides his military
rank, has the title of Count attempted to
enforce discipline in his family by using
his riding whip upon his recalcitrant bride,
and after serious time Of it she evaded
the t1ogging and left the bed and board Of
knightly Uhlan for her native land. Her
husband could not prevent her departure,
but tried to compel the payment of GER
tain sum of money by way of salve to the
wounds his sensibility received by her
abrupt departure. He did not succeed, for
the lady had no property in the province
that could be held, so she got away with
ont further loss of time
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
A Story of Thaddeus stevens.

1t is related of Thaddeus Stevens that
shortly after his removal to Lancaster he
heard of an old friend in York, lawyer
who, pressed hard by necessity, had divert
ed $500 due to widow client, hoping soon
to repay her But ''unmerciful disaster
followed fast and followed faster" until
the poor fellows mental distress was
actually killing him.
Mr.. Stevens hunted up the client, paid
her from his own pocket the $500, obtained
her receipt, and went to see his friend.
Hello, old fellow he exclaimed on en-
tering his Office, you must wake up.
Don't be so down-hearted. Say, don't you
suppose you've really gone and paid that
woman and then forgotten it?'
A despairing shake Of the bowed head
was the only reply.
We'll, believe you did, and I'm going
to look through your papers and see if l
can't find the receipt"
Then he pretended to ransack some
pigeon-holes, and moment later ex-
claimed:
well, if you amt the biggest fool /
ever heard of! Look here. old man, what
is this ~
So saying, he showed the receipt to his
astonished friend, who thereupon recovered
his spirits, and, happily, his fortunes also
Afterward he repaid Mr.. Stevens, and the
latter was never able to find out how his
generosity had been detected.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Preferred the Dirt Road.
Wall Street News. |

1t might have been station on the -
that tramp approached conductor of a
train and said:
Colonel, there's four tramps going to
steal ride with you through to Blank
vile. You'll find them in the smoking
car"
Thanks, my man, you deserve to be re-
warded"
"Oh, no. don't. I'm only an old tramp,
ragged, hungry and dirty; but have a
grain or two of honor left. When rail-
way line is two months behind in paying
its men, and can't declare dividend to its
stockholders, tramp who thinks anything
of his character will take the dirt road"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
A CAPITAL POEM.
MACK O'RoNE'

MACK O'RONEY.
sing the rustic who is Y's
Enough to take his Els,
And study nature with his Is
And think of what he C's.
He hears the chatter of the Us,
As they each other rs,
And C's that when a tree ID KS
II makes II home for BIS.
A pair of oxen he will US.
With many haws and G,s,
And their mistakes he will X Q's
While ploughing for his P's.
In raising crops, he all X Is,
And therefore little O's,
And when he hoes his soil by LIS,
He also soils his 'O's.
And when, at last, most = ID q,
He says adieu for A,
He'll smile and say with that A ID U,
Il know I'm all o X.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Seal of the Confederacy.

The original seal of the Confederate
States, which is of massive silver, is still
in the hands of an ex-Confederate soldier
The device is an equestrian portrait of
Washington, surrounded by wreath COM
posed Of the principal agricultural pro-
ducts of the Confederacy Cotton, tobacco,
sugar cane, and wheat, and having around
it the words, "The Confederate States of
America, 22d of February, 1862" with the
following motto: "Deo cindice."
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
He Proposed to Take his Dinnef i'm a
WheelbarrOW.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.

A rough fellow from the country got
into swell restaurant by mistake and
was much at loss how to conduct himself
Finally the waiter said to him:
''Will You dine la carte, sir?"
What's that, you grinnin' ape?"
"Will you take your dinner a la carte ?n
mo, sire: I'll be gol darned if will.
Prices is too blamed altitudinous to take
it in them quantities. Jis you bring mine
in on wheelbarrow. guess thatm be
enough for me to sample the vittles by,
and then if want more you kin trot out
your cart. Now get around peart, for I'm
mighty holler under the skin"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Would Not Be Extrayagant.

Il Wish I had yer money" said the old
negro to the wealthy. minister ola fashiona-
BILE church.
1T is very wrong to make such wish, .
the minister replied. "Do you not know
that you are committing sin in wishing
for my money?;
Oats fact, boss. De Lawd don't like
to see such extravaganza in mar I'll
take back what said an jes' wish fur only
half oh what yer's got'
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
IpgersolI Pays a War Debt.

TIE Washington Capital says that some
time ago DR.. Cowan, who was surgeon in
General Forests Confederate cavalry
division, published letter stating that
when Colonel Bob IngersC was captured
in Tennessee, he loaned Ingersoll $50,
which had never been returned. A few
days ago DR.. Cowan was surprised to re-
ceive letter from Colonel Bob inclosing a
check for 5000, being the principal and in
terest of the amount borrowed.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Threatening TO Quit.
Texas Siftings.

How's yer coming on in your new
place." asked Uncle Nose of Gabe Snod-
grass, who had recently accepted position
as porter in an Austin hardware store.
Use not comin' on very fas', Uncle Nose.
De boss tole me sumfng dis mornin', and
eff he don't take it back he's gwinter lose
me, shuah yer born"
What did he tole yer?"
He tole me to consider myself dis
charged"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
Keep to the Right.

In this country and in France "the rule
of the road" requires carriages meeting
each other to pass each other on the left
hand side. In England they keep to the
left. In all three countries it is customary
for persons driving to sit on the right-hand
side. This position of the driver leaves his
right arm free in case fright on the part of
his companion causes struggle in the
vehicle, and for other reasons it seems
natural that-as most people are right
handed the right arm should be on the
outside. But the effect in this country and
France is to put the driver away from the
spot whence he could best observe the prox-
unity of other vehicles meeting him. For
this reason the English rule of keeping to
the left seems preferable
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
SThe Smell of IT,

An 1rishman was recently installed in a
Boston oil store as roller of barrels and a
pumper Of the slippery fluid into casks and
cans. He is apt and bright, and has made
himself useful and familiar with the store
and its equipments, among other things the
telephone. He is sometimes trusted to
answer calls through that instrument
Saturday morning Pat was busy as usual,
and for the moment everybody else was
absent, when the telephone bell sounded
Pat wiped his oily hands and took up the
sounder. He soon got the name of the per-
son desiring to speak with the firm. A
sample of certain number and grade Of
fish oil was wanted. Pat stepped to the
shelf and got phial, then back to tele-
phone and shouted:
Here it is !"
But send it over" came back through
the instrument; 1--WE can't tell whether it
will suit us till we see it."
Here was dilemma Pat could not
leave the store to carry the sample of oil
over. But his ready Irish wit was equal to
the occasion. He uncorked the bottle, held
it up close to the transmitter and shouted:
"And can't ye tell by the smell of it,"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-12-27
AN ANANECDOTE OF AARON BURR.
The RecOllectiOns of a Lady Who Felt
the Charm of His Piercing Eyes.
ISt. Louis Republican.

St. Louis Republican,
In New York City, few weeks since,
died Miss Theodosia Burr Davis, in her
77th year, only sister Of Col. George I. Nj.
Davis, well known to some of the former
residents of ST. Louis as formerly promi-
nent member of the Illinois Bar, aid-de-
camp to General James Shields in the Mex
lean War, and in 1849-51, editor of a
newspaper in this city. Miss Davis was a
lady of brilliant and highly cultivated
intellect, fine conversational powers and
remarkable energy. Though tried by dis
appointment and sorrow as few have been,
she retained her vivacity and wit almost to
the last, while, by life which was, in
most respects, one long selt-sacrifice, she
won and kept the esteem and affection of a
large circle of relatives and friends. Her
virtues. however, were so entirely domestic
and private that the only excuse for this
brief notice is the fact that she was lndl-
rectly connected with an historical person
age in whom the public is always interested.
The father of Miss Davis died young,
and was left to the guardianship OF his
brother, Matthew L. Davis the intimate
friend and biographer of Aaron Burr-one
of that little band OF devoted adherents
who never abandoned their unfortunate
chief, and who were known in those days
as "Burr's Tenth Legion" Though she
bore the name OF his idolized daughter,
and was the niece and ward of a man so
closely associated with him, Miss Davis
never saw Burr but twice Their first
meeting made profound impression upon
her, as we'll it might She was at her un-
cle's house, spending portion of school
vacation, when one morning she was
up stairs he called to her to come down as
there was a visitor who wished to see her.
For some reason she never could explain,
she had an undefinable dread of this un-
known visitor, and did not at once obey
the summons 1t was repeated with en-
phasis which put an end to further hesita-
itation, and she came down. Mr.. Davis
took her by the hand and they entered
the parlOr. There she saw sitting on the
sofa a little old man, dressed in the fashion
of past generation, with hair as white as
snow and eyes so lustrous and piercing
that she could not resist their fascination.
With the stately courtesy OF the ancient
regime, her ancle led her toward the
stranger and said: Colonel Burr, this is
the child of whom spoke. | need not
tell you whose name she bears" The old
man rose, and grasping both her hands in
his held her at arms length, gazing into
her face with those marvellous eyes as if
he would read her very SOUL The ordeal
lasted but moment, though it seemed an
age to the timid gil then her hands were
dropped, and Burr exclaimed in faltering
voice: Take her away, Matthew, l can
not stand it !" Once afterward they met
on Broadway. She hurried past without
speaking, but Burr stopped and as she
looked round she saw his eyes following in
a long, wistful gaze as if they would draw
back to him the bearer of that beloved
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-07-13


CHICAGO, July ia special
from Fort Wayne, Ind. says fash.
Unable socie y 10 in q ferment over
the ei..pement- of Mollie Summers.
= beautiful, accom- pIished aud very
fine Orgsnist, with Tom Butler,
for man If the round house of the
Fort Wayne Railroad.
A Fatal Quarrel.
CHICAGO. July ia special
says: Geo. Bernhard, . wild
young man Of Erie. Pa, relative to
the Partisan actress. got into . boil
in the suburbs and delibeatey rip
ped open the stomach of John
Bernhardt has not BEEN
rhe victim u dying.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-07-13
Bathing At Hawthorne.

Bathing ut Hawthorne.
The Wa ker Lake Bulletin has
the following:
The rcsh to the lake continues
undated, md it has now come to
considered The proper fashionable
thing for everyone to take plunge
in the limpid waters of the Walker.
1t il truly delightful recreation.
The water tastes like the ocean and
when one gets All unexpected
mouthful he is very forclbly re-
minded of the Sunday he has spent
at Alameda or his h, liday jaunts to
Santa Cruz. The te "perature Of
the lake is considerably higher
than that of the ocean, the bottom
is . fine clear sand, and the cleans
ing properties Of the water are SO
strong that it is = most not Qnite)
believed tina, that it would wash
white the soul OF the junior editor
of the Free Press. A noticeable
feature OF the ba hing mania is the
gradual Improvement that has been
made in the ladies' costumes.
When the season opened the ladies
were content to go in in flannel
wrappers or even robes de NUT
Now nothing less than suit i'm
ported from the Bay wi ! please the
aesthetic dears. Lsng's bath house
has proven great accommodation
to the public, and Two or three pri
vate enterprises are contemplated.
A gentleman who came in from
Hawthorne yesterday says that
some of the Hawthorn. girls are
adopting the ''undress" stye of
bathing suit. and he has seen sights
there fully equal to the revelations
of the most fashionable Watering
places on the Pacific G. asst.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-07-13

In 1881, Stephen H. Tying. Jr
was appointed Paris agent of the
Equitable Life Assurance Society +,
and he wrote a pamph ct cal Ell
" Does Life Assurance Assure g.
Now the Equitable has paid Tying
$2O, 600 to resign. The papers are
calling for an explanation, but per
haps the Equitable is going to get
Is much advertising out of the
matter As it can before it explains.
Go I'd dodge.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-07-13

LONDON. Ont, Jny pa
special says: The rain of Tuesday
night lasted over eight hours, q,
most continuously. with tremend-
Gus violence. About ga. NJ the
tho river rose rapidly. inundating
Yves: London. Nearly every one
in the village. which numbers about
1000, had to take refuge on honse
tops. Many were drowned. Houses
were washed over as if bui of
Pasteboard and Carried off down
tie river. The water was never be
fore known to reach such q hight.
A full list of the fatalities cannot
yet b given. Only one bridge in
the vicinity of London is lit for
travel. Three or four are totally
carr ed away and others are dam.
agod. Both railway bridges are
badly sprung and trait: is sus.
pended ON the Great Western rail-
way. Men are working hard to save
the rema ming bridges. Houses
weFe carried down the river with
people screaming on the roofs and
inside. One house lodged against
some trees y mile below the CITY.
A boat followed. attracted BY
screams, and rescued some people
on the roof first. When theo again
went to the h"use there were no
sounds. Tho family 10 supposed 0
drowned. The facts are not yet |
known.
Tho list Of drowned will reach
about thirty.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-07-13
Saturday. July IA, 1888.

Committee OF Arrangements:
Joe Mandel. E B. Mitchell,
W. G. Steen, Mercer Otey.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-07-13

The Pacific Ocean was never
ca'mer than during the past few
weeks. The San Francisco Post
says owing to the peacefulness Of
the waters tho steamer Coptic was
able to make the rip from China
two days ahead OF time, while the
City of Sydney was three days
ahead of time from Australia.