davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

The following is the translation Of
an article in a Berlin paper which
will convey an idea Of the German es-
Inmates Of the coming American no.
tel The latest American progress
in building will be the mammoth ho-
tel" soon 10 be erected in Chicago.
The enormous hotel is to have front
age Of three English miles long, and a
depth Of six miles; the height Of n
stories, will measure 3,4S0 feet from
the ground floor to the roof. The ho-
tel will have no stairs, but five hun.
dren balloons will always be ready to
take visitors up TO their rooms. No
room walters are 10 be employed, but
visitors will be served by a newly pat
euted automatic, put up in every bed
room, who will do all shaving, sham
pooning, ETC., to the guests by very
simple and ingenious mechanism. Sup
posing the guest requires hot water,
the automatic will be able to call
down stairs: "A bucket Of water up 10
room number one million three thou
sand one hundred and seven,' and the
water will be up in seven seconds by a
patented elevator. Half an hour be-
fore table d'hote, instead of the ring.
ing Of bells, a gun twenty-five pound
err will be fired on each floor to call
the guests to get ready for their
meals. The tables in the dining rooms
will be measured four miles each, at
tendance to be performed by twelve
walters on horseback, on either side oil
the table. Music during table de'hots
will be played-gratis-by eight
bands Of seventy-seven men each.
For the convenience Of visitors a rail
way will be built on each floor as we'll
as telegraph Offices. The price Of one
bed room will be from one dollar ID
ten dollars. The cost of this building
is estimated TO be $3.50, 100000. Tn,
billiard room VIZ contain nine hun.
dred American, ninety-nine French
and one English table, and most Of
the visitors expected to be Americans
the billiard room will be fitted ouI
with a spittoon Of one hundred feet in
rcumference."
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24


"Do you need reporter" inquired
a long, lean, lank youth, as he entered
the sanctum, and formed rings Of
smoke from hii cigarette. "You bee
/ am a genius, am. Got new idea;
bound 10 make your paper sell. En-.
gage me and your circulation will
double In a week"
"Our staff is full, suggested the
"Ahl.yes, saw two Of 'em full
around the corner just now. That's a
joke" he yelled, gazing at the immo.
bile face Of the editor. "But TO bust
ness. Pvea new idea You see this
cast-iron way Of reporting is played
out" ~
"Ohl is III" ventured the editor.
ITO be sure. The public wants
something new and original; some
thing that will strike home. Now,
here, he said, unfolding copy of the
paper, "heres an account Of an acct
dent TO a little child. just read il.
See how dull it is. Probably n thou.
sand accidents have been Described in
that way, and the public scarcely
deign TO glance il over. If | was Civ
en- such an accident TO write up, I'd
just throw myself. Now just see how
I'd improveit. DO you think would
say, as this does
"a little child of Joshua Squill'
was run over by an ash cart yesterday
and is not expected 10 recover No
sir. Now you just listen to this:
"'It is our mournful duty to record
terrible accident, by which a sweet
young life Is probably crushed out Of
existence. Yesterday one of the ma
ny offspring OF our esteensd fellow
citizen, Joshua Squills, Esq, a regu
lar subscriber To this journal, was pre-
cipitated to the roadway a passinl
vehicle which is used in the TRANSMITS
sion of refuse coal, and sustained in
juries which were beyond the contro
of the most eminent physicians. Tn,
dear infant, i is feared, will soon b
climbing the golden stairs. For o
such is the kingdom of heaven"
"Now, there's an article which woulC
cause a sensation. Let me give yol
another example"
do you prefer the elevator or Ga
stairway" queried the editor, as b,
arose.
GOOD morning." yelled the inter
esting youth. "DOnt trouble your
self; the stairway is good enough 70
me-" And he made rush fer tn
door, but not in time to escape th
projected boot.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

A Washington paper sketches a
gentleman as one may say to the life,
though he is gone. Col. johnson is
dead. He was a fine specimen ola type.
Good family, good society, ample
means, with well.filled stables and fox.
es in the woods, he lived a charming
life. But applejack got the better Of
him. Next the Captain lost his pro
perty. The loss sobered him. In his
old age he worked out the puzzles in
the childreus newspapers. Now he ID
dead.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

A Philadelphia shoe dealer gives
customers their photographs, and a
dentist loans teeth on trial. Business
is becoming demoralized. 1t was the
tea-store chrome that started it all.
The mems furnishing store man who
doesn't give diamond stud with each
shirt can't sell nowadays. The grocer
must give a full tea set with each
pound of catnip and peach leaves, OF
the day is cold for him.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

An ingenious farmer. sticking a few
nails into a clothes line to keephis nei-
ghbor's cattle out Of his pasture, went
about his other bushes, thinking no
more of the matter. A sharp fellow
came along, saw the rope and began to
think about it. He evolved the "barb.
eb wire" fence, and the very farmer
from whom the fellow got the idea has
to pay him a tribute for an article
which he himself originally designed.
And the income Of the monopoly is es
timated at 500, 900 per month.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24
PnEsl PILEsi Piles!

DR.. Demfag's Aeso Discovery for
Piles Is a radical change from the old remedies
heretofore In use. The Discovery IL the result Of
years Of pa teBt scientific study and investigation
into tns character Of this painful disease To con-
vince you Of It's great merit, call On Penny Nc
AIister, stanford, or W. N. Weber. Nj. Vernon,
and eet a sample boz free Of charge.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24
Results of an Accident.

As with many valuable discoveries,
the process of rolling cold iron owes its
discovery to an accident, which is thus
related; "a foundryman, q work.
man at the rolls, neglected to take his
tongs from bar Of heated iron in
time. and they were carried through
the rolls. Much to his surprise the
tongs instead Of being broken in pass
ing through the rolls, were reduced to
the same guage as the heated bar, and
shone like steel. The workman call
ed the attention of the superintendent
to what he thought was merely fun
ny circumstance; but the superintend-
ent jumped at the conclusion that if it
were possible to roll cold iron once. it
could be done again. He commenced
to experiment and had not gone far
before he discovered that cold iron was
in every respect the equal of steel for
shafting purposes and in some respects
it is superior. as it is more easily turn
ed to any desired size than steel.
Other discoveries followed this. and
the process for rolling Geld iron was
patented. The man who allowed his
tongs to go through tn rolls, was suit
ably rewarded, and the persons who
followed up and placed his discovery
on the market, have made millions.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

The enterprising Georgia girl who
raised four acres OF onions and sent
lots of them as presents to her rivals,
but carefully avoided touching them
herself, hss won and will soon marry
the young man that all the girls in
her section we're after.-lP Philadelphia
News.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

In several States there are laws
against selling liquor toeOmmOn drunk
ards, The method Of posting up. in
conspicuous places a list ofall drunk
ards in the town has worked wonders
in several communities. A man has
to pretty far gone to desire to see his
name posted in such list. va &
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

A man never prides himself on the
smallness of his wife's feet when she
has got them planted in his spine and
is prying him out Of bed to build the
fre.-(Fall River Advance.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

1t is question il a summer vaca'
ton is of any practical benefit to q
clergyman. In three months con.
gregation can lose an amount Of piety
that hard winters work will scarce.
ly recover.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24


The heaviest rail used in this coun.
try does not exceed ~ pounds per
yard, the average being go pounds
per yard. or 81 tons per mile while
the best English roads use a double.
headed rail weighing 80 pounds per
yard. Allowing an average face to
face crosstie Of 0 inches aud 5000 ties
per mile, we have a wood, bearing sur.
face of $3.50 lineal feet per mile Of
track. The English roads, with a
heavier rail, have a much less mum.
Der of crossties. A rail weighing so
pounds per yard equals l25 z tons per
mile and with crossties of 9iaches
face (average) and ten to each rail
length, the English track has awood-
bearing surface OF |. 432 lineal feet,
about 81 per cent. less than our own
roads. This is what we shall eyentu.
ally come to in America heavier
rail aud less wood on our, roadbeds.
We think. that Il Il not safe to use a
soft wood tie, such as white cedar or
blackberry, save upon tangents and
then oak ties should he used at the
rail joints. with only the best oak ties
upon curyes.-[IrOn Age.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

Tho object OF the English syndicate
who are purchasing Confederate bonds
is said TO be 10 get possession of funds
deposited in European banks by the
Confederate government.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

A new convert wished very much
to be baptized by one minister and to
join the church Of another. She went
to the first and asked if it could be
done. "Yes," replied the pastor, 81
could do it, but don't take in wash
inc"
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

eyes" said the Vermont deacon,
81 always go down to camp meeting,
and always come back feeling good.
Do you see that magnificent horse
there in the 6eld2 Well, you ought
to have seen the old plug took down
therein
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

When the minister is pretty severe
upon human shortcomings in the pull.
pit, every man leans back in his pew,
smiles, and says to himself, "Now he's
giving tito en- Satisfying thought,
isn't it, that the minister always has
reference to somebody else?
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

j. II. Broohen. Louisville, says Il have
beep suffering from tiyss eOmplainli the
best remedy have ever used is Browns
Iron Bitters.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

No matter how faded the constitution
may be from disease or excess, the Great
German lnyigorator restores il permanent
ly. See advertisement. For sale by Pen.
ny a McAlister.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24
ATeonsssee Character.
There !, delightful old.iime flavor
about the following Tennessee charac


about the following Tennessee charac'
ter ffue4 fsii.Hf
Col. W-was one Of those odd
characters who become conspicuous
for their humor and eccentricity and
who are kept in remembrance long
after they are dead by the many anec'
dotes related concerning them. He
lived in one Of the counties in Middle
Tennessee. where for many years he
traded in slaveo for many years, a vo.
cation which was not regarded favora
bly, even in the South, but which en-.
abled him 10 acquire comfortable es-
tate. lie was widely known not only
as a shrewd trader, but rs a genial and
fun.loving though rather self.import-
ant man, always ready to turn an
easy penny and who could tell a CAPT
tai story. On one occasion he was
approached by Major II -, one of
the most prominent citizens Of NJ
who wished TO buy smart, good.
looking young negro 10 do service
about his stable and kitchen. (It
may be we'll 10 remark here that in
those ante-bellum days Of militia
musters, military titles we're nearly as
common as they are at the present
time) MG1r--was of one Of the
"fv y families" prided himself upon
high position in society, was very
dainty and delicate in his tastes and
was scrupulous in drawing nice social
distinctions. Col. Vat an mp.
pointed hour brought up for inspection
a likely mulaiio boy. who was men
tally and physically sound, but who
stammered distressingly. As the boy
was not consulted In the matter. he
had only 70 quietly submit 10 an ex-
animation, very like that to which
a horse is subjected when offered on
the market. After some higgling up
ON the part of the two men Major II.
paid a good round sum for the boy,
and TOOK his newly acquired property
home.
The nexi morning. as the Colon 81
was saated in front of the town tavern,
with his heels elevated against the bal
listers, Major H-advanced toward
him in no plea.ant frame Of mind. and
vi,bou, other salutatiou. exclaimed,
"Col, W. YOU have cheated me,
sirls fFN ttE
Without altering his positiou. the
Colonel looked I'M calmly, and said in
his blandest tones, made more provo.
king by his taniali1ing lisp: Good
morning. Msior. You them 10 be
tbomewhat perturbed. II your re
mark wa,h addrethed to me, hope
you will ecihcuthe me if 1 inquire TO
what you have referenthe."
"You know very well, SIR" replied
the Major, with growing indignation.
lou uece'Ved me ABOUT '"A' negro
bought yesterday why con'ouno
ltl ne shutters ~ Dauly ne can nhruiy
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

A novel wedding will take place on
the evening of the 2Sth inst. at the
Buckingham Theatre, Louisville. The
contracting parties are Mr.. John
Smeiriz, better known as "Msjor
Mike" and Miss Mary Lail, two of
the smallest people 10 the world. The
Major is AZ inches in height, while
Miss Mary is but 81 inches. They
claim 10 be the smallest people in the
world. The Major says that Tom
Thumb was almost head taller than
him, while Miss Mary says that Min
ME Warren overtopped her by half a
head. The Major was born in Mos
COW, Russia, in 1853, and has only
been in America about ten years. In
1876 he travelled with Barnum for a
short time. His intended bride was
born at Mocksville, North Carolina,
in 1850, and is consequently three
years older than the Major. She has
been on the road for seventeen years,
and she has Travelled the world over.
Last winter the Lilliputians met in
Pittsburg. and they concluded to ex-
hibit themselves jointly. They had
no difficulty in securing an engage
ment and they finally drifted toward
Louisville. They we're Immediately
engaged by John Whallen for his mu-
scum. Sly old John conceived the
idea Of them being made man and
wife, and when they both consented
to take each other for better or worse,
it was determined TO have them mar
ried on the stage at the Buckingham,
in the presence Of the entire audience.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

There are Sc shops for the sale O
horse flesh as food in Paris. France.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

Every young doctor will get on if
he only has patients.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

CANINE IsrELLIoESoE.--A remark
able instance of the fidelity and saga
city of the dog lately happened at Mil
ford Haven. Two men named Davies
and Taylor we're out in boat, which
was swamped. The former Of these
was the owner of dog, and while the
men we're struggling in the water the
animal caught hold Of Taylor with the
object disappearing him; finding, how
ever, that ii was not his master TO
whom be was rendering this assistance
he relinluished his grasp and went to
the aid of Davies. his master, support
ing him until he was rescued by a
passing steamer, the other man being
drowned. Itft fN
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

Who can estimate the alaonnt Of human suffer
lag caused BY oaiy Dad oougAf And Who the NAM
Der Of lives undermined and lost by negeeiing Iust
a ooaghg Brown's Expectorant will cure tbis
cough n given a chance. Price, any cents For
sale BY Penny A MeAllstsr, stanford. and W. N.
Weber, Mt vernOa.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24
Not Cold.

At 10 o'clock on Thursday evening
an omnibus was rumbling down Fifth
avenue. A handsome young lady,
modestly sttired. sat near the door.
As the vehicle passed the Hotel
Brunswick a man with a white hat,
diamond studs and gray side whiskers
caught sight Of the pretty face. He
entered the omnibus and sat down at
the side of the young lady. After
paying his fare he hummed "Sweet
Violets" and tried TO attract her at.
tention. Wrapt in her own contem-
plations, she gazed at the stately resi-
dences ON the avenue. unmindful Of
her surroundings. Suddenly she felt
the tips of his gray whiskers on her
cheek. "Are you cold, Miss,f" the
owner said.
80, no." was the modest reply.
"Are your ears coldS"
Certainly not. the man replied.
"But why do you ask :" 10
because you evidently want them
warmed" she answered.
The only other occupant of the
stage laughed outright at'the cutting
retort The gray.bearded man flush
ed and pulled the strap. He got out
in some haste. and the stage rumbled
onward, while the young lady resum
ed her CONCENTRATIONS. -fNew York
San.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24
About American WIDOWS.

WV hh'tN I''ttut tunh " WH1 bu wv
own hopeful. SO many ladies find
the black vail and dress, with the
widows frill, so becoming that they
wear the "weeds" long after the al
lotted period Of mourning. and there
are instances where the sable attire l.
adopted from fancy.
The modern boarding. HOUSE, Is the
paradise of the widow, and no board.
ing-house is complete without one.
There is the rich widow-aged, the
relict Of an aged husband with whom
she ioiled in early life up the hill
Of time; young, having been left by
an old husband who did not marry
until late in life, when he had made
his fortune. There is the demure
young widow, who ekes out living
by fancy work or teaching. There is
the young widow who is accompanied
by her mother. The poor young wild
ow generally has one or two small
children.
Between the married flirts and the
widows. the young Mis- has to make
n bold fight, because she has to Offset
their experience with her youthful
freshness; and they can often, with
the aid of dress or cosmetics, produce
effects equal 10 her own, while she can
only acquire their tact and skill by
time and practice.
Every community has its rich wild.
ow who succeeded TO an immense es-
tate which she manages with skill
worthy OF her late liege lord. The
rich widow is generally fair, fat and
forty, while the poor young widow,
who Is her rival, is pretty and de
mure. The youthful beaux first make
a desperate onslaught ON the last
named, who repulse them because Of
the unsatisfactory condition OF their
exchequer. Then they fly at the rich
old lady. one OF them generally sue.
ceediDg in winning her, her rival
finally wedding some bald, insipid old
CI@sus.
In this city careful statistician at.
tached 10 the Health Board estimates
there are at present 100000 widows
in this country, $4,000 Of whom are
Independent; $4,000 Of whom live on
elegant incomes; $4,000 of whom are
supported by their own or their late
husbands family or relatives; the re-
naming 100000 earning their own
living. lii.f
That the widows OF wealthy men
are no always well provided for, q
recent case in the courts furnishes ev'
idence. The widow and daughter Of
no less n man than the late Jesse Hoyi
are suing for an increased allowance,
claiming that the income afforded
them under a trustee is not sufficient.
Among the richest widows may b.
mentioned Mrs. w. X. Garrison, Mrs.
Marshall o. Roberts, Mrs. A. +.
Stewart and Mrs. Paran Stevens, both
Of whom have been reported severa
times to be again contemplating mat
rimony. Dame Rumor had il at on,
time that President Arthur would
lead Mrs. Roberts TO the hymenial al
tar, but nothing has ever come Of it.
Mrs. Stevens has been reported to b
engaged TO several gentlemen, but she
remains true to the memory OF thu
late lamented. Mrs. Stevens is pro b
ably the richest widow in this part o
the country; there is one richer il
~ g.. !,
~ - e ~. :
1es ro ' "s' ~ n
-. -
W., a. - ~. ,...;.oo.
-. - ~.
, -, rS,.a.s a. ,wo ,h., ,.a-. /;
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

George W. Ribelln, Of Blue Mound, H., whites
that Browns Expsctorant cured him Of a severe
cold AFTER everything slse had Allied For sale BY
Penny A MeAlister, stanford, and W. NJ. Weber,
M VornOn
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

The best thing to give to the poor
employment.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

Tho pig hnds living in his pen
aud so does the editor. The similari-
ity, however, ceases at this point
THE Drummer.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-24

"Pa, is it right to call a man born
in Poland a Polef" "Of course. my
child" "Well then. ifa man Is born
in Holland, is he a hOleS "Tut,
tut III answer no more of your silly
questions" tN
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1883-03-08
PAssgnass LISTS.

CARLIE, March 7th.-Passed heTe to-day.
to arrive in Sacramento to-nao-rovr P. q
Jones and family, Honolulu: NJ. Firkin.
London, Eng; Jacob Mayer, Portland, Or;
Adolph Roof, San Francisco; q. P. Serauss'
Portland, Or; Il. P. P. Most, Springfield.
o; 5. II. Halsey, South Hampton, n. Y:
w, O.. Candeld, Omaha; T. B. Seymour
and wife, Green Bay, Wis; Robert Dve
and daughter, Salt Lake; W, T. Preston.
Q. P. r, r.. British Columbia G. H.
Preston, Brooklyn, N. Y; Albert Meyer.
Chicago; G. A. Williams, Miss Williams.
Mr.. and Mrs. Irousidss, New London. Conn
Miss D. N. Burt, Butte, Mon; Frank Guge'
Minnesota; j. II. Buck, Wisconsin A. A.
Rose, Tuscarora /; George w. Coffin, Bosten
w. w. Noble, Oakland; A. V. Lancaster,
Alameda Mrs. w. Payne, Chicago; NJ. Fl.
Holt, Cheyenne; t. G.. Lake, Salt Lake: IS
emigrant passengers, including 75 males. 20
arrive In Sacramento March 9tb
NEwHALL, March 7th.-Psssed hers ,o.
day. to arrive IN San Francisco to.morrovV
J. H. Nash, :. Gunst, Miss j. Gordon. San
Francisco; A. Morris, Salt Lake; Louis
Anderson and wife, San Francisco ID. w.
Bryant, San Diego; 81. Wheston and wife.
L. 3 Bsnson, New York; 9. Nj. Coultou.
=. f. Coalton, Los Angeles Mrs. W. Ewslt.
Quincy; Col. p. T. Diekensop, Alameda
Il. McCarty, Tombstone; ". T. Farron.
Arizona; j. lass, I'll Paso %. A. Hall, ID,
E. Lanoy, San Frsncisco; Geo. w. Smith.
r B Brigham, II. c. Barrett, Boston: Mrs.
+. L. Hoyt, Miss Dsisy Hoyt, Oakland !:
Mrs. E. A. Fuller, San Francisco; NrT. r.
NJ. Clapp. Miss Josephine Clapp and gov
erness, Salem, Mas; w. ?. King and wife.
Oakland; ]. D. Dubois, Louis Allen. San
Francisco; George Lyon. Mendociao: w.
Mayors, San Francisco w. j, Tigh. Los
Angeles A. Nash, Toronto, Canada Lucy
Nelson, Oakland w. S. Kettle. Cincinnati (:
w. j. Morgan, st. Louis.
KANSAS CRY tMo.), March 7th.-Psssed
Topeks to-day. to arrive in San Francisco
March 18Th: L. e. Yates, n. j. Irving. Y.
Cornell. B. Cornell, Mr.. and Mrs. G. s.
Phinney, Mr. and Mrs. A. E. Kent. Mr.. nd
Mrs. Robert Watt, Ssn Francisco.
OMAHA. March .7th.-Lsft here to-day. TO
arrives In Sacramento March 18th: Miss
Annie Gordon, Mrs. G. A. Thompson. San
FraneiscO: w. s. O'Brien, New York; G..
L. Wuggazer and family. Stockton Theresa
0'Nein, New York A. Koha, Portland, Or /;
J. w. Pierce and wife, Csnandsgua, N. Y;
james B. Alley, Boston Walter II. Car
naby. st. Louis H. E. Homer, Chicago; E..
w. Elton, Baltimore.