Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-07-13

And when SWOre it was q shame,
That he should all my gold dust claim,
Who buzzed me till my "ears were lame? ."
Alawyer
FUN
The Thoughtful Contributor.
INsTRUCTING HIM AS TO WHAT ARE IN
TEREsTING ARTICLES TO WRITE.
81 want to write for your paper,'' said
solemn-lOoking man. as he paused on the
threshold of the editorial sanctum.
s'That's right" replied the editor with
out looking up from his work, for it was
publication day and there was stern de-
mand for copy that could not be denied.
sWhen you write for it be particular and
give your name and postofice address dis
tinctly."
81 will, }" said the solemn man, stepping
in and taking chair.
Sand don't forget to inclose the money.
Some folks write for the paper and forget
to put in any money. Then they complain
because the paper doesn't come"
"Do you want money when man writes
for your paper?" asked the solemn man, as
his face acquired an additional elongation.
'''Of course. What dye think we, print
paper for? Fun? Not much. Ifaman
writes for the paper we suppose he wants
it and it he wants he must pay for it,.
You don't understand, said the solemn
man, what 1 want is to write for your
paper"
sThat's what you said before, and told
you how to do it, replied the editor, tes-
lilly, swinging around in bis chair
Though 1 can't see why you can't sub
scribe rigt here now just as wells to wait
until you get home and then write for it.
Though maybe you haven't the necessary
two dollars with you. I respect your IN
dependence. You don't want to subscribe
for paper you are not prepared to pay
for. That's right
'sBut if write for it,
eff you write for it and inclose the
money it will be sent promptly. No fear of
that. Subscribers will confer favor on
this Office by reporting any carelessness or
1rregularity on the part of their postmas-
ter in delivering the paper.''
II can put great deal into letter.
lnsinuated the solemn man.
Needn't put more than two dollars in
said the editor, ''unless you get up club.
Usual reduction to clubs.''
II fear you don't comprehend me. y said
the man of solemn visage. 81 want to
write for your paper-write articles and
correspondence, you know, for remunera
tion.''
ooh, that's it. Why didn't you say so
before ? Thought you wanted to subscribe
Seemed sort O. curious. too, that you
couldn't write for my paper to bs sent
without coming in and telling me about
it,
You will like my letters"
Cant say as to that. The most inter
esting letters the editor gets as rule are
these short, pithy ones, which simply say
Enclosed please find subscription price to
your valuable paper for one year. That
outweighs dozen pages of Reflections OF
the Dying Year, or Thought on Discov-
erlng the First June Bug A great many
people want to write for the paper who
have nothing half so interesting to say rs
that they find their subscription has abou
expired and here IS the money for renew
ing it. That is neat and to the point, and
no editor will throw the letter Into the
waste without first taking out the
money and duly crediting the subscriber
on his account. Write for the paper, my
friend, by all means, but don't forget the
inclOsure.'
Then the solemn man went away more
thoughtful than before Cincinnati Sat
urday Night.
At dinner party the little son of the
hostand hostess was allowed to come down
to dessert. Having had what his mother
considered a sufficency of fruit, he was
told he must not have any more, when to
the surprise of every one of the guests, he
exclaimed: "If you don't give me some
more I'll tell! !" A fresh supply was at
once given him, and as soon as it was fin
lShed he repeated his threat; whereupon
he was suddenly and swiftly removed from
the room, but he had just time to convulse
the company by exclaiming: ''My new
trousers are made out of mas old bed
room curtainS!''
WHAT He MEANT.-A New York
broker. whe took his wife up the country
last week to pass the hot months with the
old folks, was entlced into attending a
village church on Sunday, and when the
box was passed he dropped trade dollar
into it. The preacher himself counted the
collection, and when he had figured up he
remarked: "Some person has contributed
trade dollar. Was it his intention to
beat the Lord out of 10 cents ?n mo,
sir, promptly replied the broker as be
rose up. what meant was to give Him
regular rates and take advantage of the
discount myself!' The preacher sighed
and gave out the opening hymn.-WoW
Street Daily Neaus.
Somebody has discovered that the cor
rect pronunciation OF the word Khediye
is ''Kedowa." They might as well tell us
that the proper way to pronounce bee-h hive
is behowa.
The town of Paris, Texas, has raised
potato five feet long. The Colorado beetle
hasn't heard of that fashionable summer
resort. When it does we shall read of