National Republican., 1883-08-21

SLOmhCI, una III 10llS 10 De Denelclal, DON'T throw
II up to him, is the courier-JourHdps advice.
A PENNSYLVANIA clergyman is q pitcher in
a baseball nine. His gestures sometimes mako
the congregation duck their heads.-Bttriington
Free PrCss
MINISTERS may forget their text, forget
their DISCOURSE forget their hearers, and forget
themselves, but they never forget the collection.
Tcras SUtiags.
PEOPLE whose conscientious scruples
wouldn't allow them 10 go to the circus can now
go to camp meeting and have Just as much fun
Detroit Free Press.
NOTHING inspires person with true relg-
iou1 sentiment during church service so quickly
as the contribution box man with soreechy shoes
on Kentucky STATE Journal
A MEXICAN lady of rank has hair two and
half yards long. It is mighty fortunate thing
for the Mexicans that she is lady of rank instead
of a cook in a boarding house.
IN Michigan citizen is allowed by law to
have his will probated during his life time. What
that state needs is society for the prevention of
cruelty to lawyers. -HdtokGye.
THE favorite perfume of tho Empress
Josephine was musk. A Boston editor sensibly
suggests that people who blame Napoleon for di-
vorcing her should stop to consider this.
THE debating society of u rural village has
decided that it doesn't look consistent for girl
TO be Il member of church and wear powder on
her hair to catch the young men, YonkerS Ga
ssuc.
THERE is something very solemn in the
sound of the Sunday church bells 1t reminds
hundreds Of men that, although 1t is the usual
time, the beer saloons set no free lunch on that
day ioRkers Statesman.
| WE have now scientific gentleman of adj
vapced researches and conclusions, who holds
hn arih 10 H1iI mi
posed, with a crust few miles thick around 1t,
| like cake, but u solid body, as hard as an
ivory steel, or glass ball.
THE spectacle of the English queen still
weeping over the grave of her body servant, and
refusing to be comforted, is beautiful. If tho
spirit of her dead husband can be found 1t should
| be interviewed by spooks professor, that we may
know what it thinks about the business.
The GOODNESS among Ohio democratic lead
ers " increasing The candidate for governor
must feel as If he were navigating sea filed
with icebergs. In our minds eye we can see hut-
tering from the highest peak of one of the chill
lest crafts OF the frost king blood red bandana.
A CHURCH lawn party in Amsterdam, N.
y, ended in a row and free fight An ice cream
sylph got mixed up in the crowd and had all her
| false hair torn of, and two deacons crawled un-
der the church and got wedged in so that they
had to be creased with lard before they could 10
puIIed Ou..-FuH htpGT duUdnCe.
WHEN a Virginia belle was once surprised
by her father in the paror Of hotel at the White
Sulphur Springs supporting upon her shoulder
the head of u middle aged admirer, she at once
disarmed the impending rebuke by exclaiming:
"Surely father this is not the first time you have
| cen an old head on young shoulders?'-Graphic
"MAMMA," asked five-year-old White
ha Ter. us he returned from church on Sunday
morning, yves Paul doctor?' mo my son."
she replied. why do you ask?" "'Causc the
minister said he told man to take little wine
for his stomach's ache, and that's what pa says
his doctor tells him to take whisky for.-W Whitehall
Times.
THEY are making steel cannon at the Wash
ington navy yard. 1t must be great deal pleas
anter to steal 'em than it used to be to capture
them, and thousands of men now on the pension
rolls wish the government had thought OF this
way of getting cannon twenty years ago. The
confederate government, we believe, did think of
it at the breaking out of the war.-HaWkeye.
AN evangelist mounted the platform in q
Kentucky meeting house, and, looking about tie
room for moment, he suddenly exclaimed: "ATe
you prepared to die?" 1t was well that he was
very spry man, and 1t was well also that the pull
pit was double thickness. The evangelist says q
Kentucky congregation is very responsive, but
you must be very careful what kind OF language
you use when in its presence.
IT is observed that the most unattractive
and 'scrawny" women at the watering places arc
the most indelcate In their style OF dress Evi-
IDENTITY women live to attract attention in ono way
or another.-NelO York Graphic. 1t is also OBJ
served that while crossing muddy street it is the
ladies with the most unattractive pedal eXtremi-
ties who arc the most careful OF their skirts.
Queer world, isn't it?-I'ost-E Express.
DIR. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES has for
many years been regular attendant at Kings
Chapel, one of the Oldest churches In Boston, dat
ing back to period be fore the revolution. The
atlantic for September will contain poem by HIM,
which was suggested by the memoriam tablets on
its Walls, especially those bearing the names of
the men who went forth from Kings Chapel to
fight for the union and did not return.
Mr. GEORGE WHITFIELD the famous
preacher, is buried beneath the pulpit of the OLE
Presbyterian church in NewburypoYt, Mass. Prob.
ably none Of Mr.. Whitfelds relatives had ever
visited the tomb until last week, when Mrs. Walsh
of Savannah, Gu, grand niece of the distin-
gushed divine, went to the church, handled
7 reverently the Bible from which her ancestor
> preached, and visited the tomb where his remains
lie.
. "CAN you put up prescrip tion ?" asked a
. leading light OF the Good Templars of druggist
l apprentice. NO sir; amt got that far yet and
Z the boss has gone to lunch" I'm in hurry and
would like to have this filed" said the customer,
u
know what that's said the boy, Frightening up
= "the deacons of tho church around the corner
o come in here every Sunday and get 1t for the
= collie" And the boy handed down bottle of
spiritus Jrtmenh and set tumbler before the Gus
tomer-San Hancisco Post.
. Mrs. SARGENT, tho wife of the American
minister at Berlin, in letter describing u call
) upon the empress, said; Her majesty surprised
: me by asking about my daughter Lizzie. She had
heard that Lizzie began the study of medicine in
California, ana was now continuing 1t in Zurich
We are much interested in medicine the empires!
t added, and then spoke of the civil war in Amer
It lea, and the Franco-Prussian war; saying that the
z, Germans had gained much valuable information
!, from the Americans as to the treatment of sicl
!, and wounded soldiers which was put to good use
in their last war"
u NEW ORLEANS rIcdytne: 1T is a bad STRIKE
- that will not work both ways....A man too fal
n away to be telephoned TO is gone beyond ques
= tlon, Wisdom of thought goes for little with q
. man who Is foolish in action. Blondes at water
> ing places have been washed out of fashion this
r. season....The mon who put up corner on lart
not living on the fat of the land 1.-The Ameri
can eagle is always change, SO far US halves and
=, quarters go. III it were wicked TO make up
> faces, religious old girls would not use powder
....lf young man becomes too con-
spicuous before the public put him on the
.NIl - rANWIH he