Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1883-03-23
Feck's Bad Boy.

on your upper llp: SAID the grocery
man to the bad boy, as he came in and
began to peel rutabaga, and his up
per lip hung down over his teeth, and
was covered with something that
Looked like shoemaker's wax. You
look as though you had been digging
potatoes with your nose
90, that's some of pas darn smart
ness. | asked him if he knew of any
thing that would max boys nous
tache grow, and he todd me the best
thing he ever trled " as tar, and for
me to rub it on thick when | went
to bed, aud wash it off in the morning.
/, put it on last night, and by gosh |
can't wash it of. Pa told me all
: had to do was to use securing brick,
and it took the skin off, and the tar is
there yet, and say, does my lip look
very bad?'
\ The grocery man told him it was
the worst looking lip he ever saw, but
he could cure it by rubbing little
cayenne pepper in the tar. He said
the tar would neutrallze the pepper,
and the pepper would loosen the tar,
and act as cooling lotion to the
iacerated Tip. The boy went to can
Of pepper behind the counter, and
stuck his finger in and rubbed a lot
of 1t on his lip, and tn n his hair be-
gan to raise, and he began to cry, and
rushed to the water-pall and ran his
face into the water TO wash off the
pepper. The grocery man laughed,
and when the boy had got the pepper
washed off and resumed his rutabaga,
ke said:
That seals your fate. No man
ever lritles with the feelings of the
bold bucaneer of the Spanish n.aln,
without living TO rue 1t. | will lay for
you, old man, and don't you forget it,
Pa thought he was smart when he got
me to put tar on my lip to bring my
moustache out. and to-day he lays on
bed Of pain, and to morrow your
turn will came. 1,u will lie sorry
you did not get down on your knees
and beg my pardon. You will be sor-
ry you did not prescribe cold cream for
my bruised lip, instead of cayenne
pepper B ware, YOU base twelve
ounceto-the- pound huckster, Yet GIN
let-eyed seller of dog sausage, you
sanded sugar idiot, you small potato
three e-ca,d,monte-sleig ight- t-ol-hand-
ton-egg Gend, y'u villain that sells
smoked sturgeon ami dogfsh for
smoked hlIbut. The avenger is on
yonr track.
/ Look here, young mar, don't you
threaten me, or Will take you 10y the
ear I'D walk you througAs;r en-, fields,
and yeslde sIli waters, 10 the front
door, and kick your pistol pocket
clear around so you eau wear 1t for a
watch pocket in your vest. No boy
can frighteu NE, ty crimus. But tell
me. how did you get even with your
pa
We'll. give me glass of cider and
we will be friends, and | will tell you.
/ Thanks, Gosh, but that cider is made
out Of mouldy dried apples and sewer
water and he took handful of layer
raisius off the top of box to take the
taste ont of his mouth, and while the
grocer eharg, peck of rutabagas, a
gallon of cider and two pounds of
raisins to the boys pa. the boy pro-
ceeded: You see, pa likes joke the
best of ant man you ever saw, II 1t Is
on somebody else, but he kicks like Il
steer when it is on him. | asked him
this morning if it wouldn't be good
joke to put some so't soap on the Ire nj
step, so the letter carrier would slip
up and spill himself, and pa said Ii
would be elegant. Pa is Democrat,
and he thinks that anything that will
make it unpleasant for Republican
office holders, is legitimate, and he en-
couraged me to paralyze the letter car
rier. The lstter-carrler Is as Ola d
man as pa. and | didn't want 10 hu-
initiate him. but just wanted pa to give
his consent, so he wouldn't kick II he
got caught in his own trap. You see !:
Well, this morning the minister and
two of the deacons called on pa, to
have talk with him about his actions
]
when he pulled out the pack of cards
with his handkerchief, and played the
music box, and they had a pretty hot
time in the back parlor, and finally
settled it, and were going to sing a
hymn, when pa handed them little
hymn book. and the minister opened
it and turned pale and said, whats
this and they looked at it, and it was
book Of Hoyle's games irstead of 4
hymn book. Gosh, wasn't the minis
ter mad? He had started to read
hymn and he quit after he read two
lines where it said, Ina game of four
handed eucher never trump your
partners see. but rely on the ace to
take the trick on suit Pa was try
ing to explain how the book came
there, when the minister and the dea-
cons started ont, and then | poured
the Iwo-quart tin pail full of soft soap
on the front step. 1t was this white
soap, just the color of the step, and
when got it spread | went down in
the basement. The visitors came out
and pa was try ing to explain to them
about Hoyle, when one of the deacons
stepped in the soap, and his feet flew
up and he struck on his pants and slid
down the steps. The minister said
great heavens, deacon, are you hurt?
Let me assist you,' and he took two
quick steps, and you have seen these
fellows in a niger show that kick
each other head over heels and fall on
their ears, and stand on their heads
and turn around like top. The min
ister's feet slipped and the next l saw
he was standing on his head in his hat,
and his legs were sort of wilted and
fell limp by his side, and he fell over
on his stomach. You talk about
i lsnreadinu the ,rosnal in heat hen lands