Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-12-07
FUN

FUN
o-~~-- ~~0~-~---~~~~0-~7-r
SHE MADE A SLIGHT MIsTAKE.-She
was thin, narrow. dark-yisaged woman
with ssspecs'' on, and she carried pack
age of trackIets and leaflets which she
scattered broadcast among the sinners in
the horse car on which she rode. When
only one or two of the pamphlets were
left a man got in. He was on his way to
the depot, countryman going home evil
IDENTITY. He had big watermelon which
he disposed of tenderly on the seat next to
him, and glass flask with rubber cork
stuck boldly out of his coat pocket.
..Heugh!" he painted as he stuffed his
fsre into the box. Hotter than harvestin
up here amt it?"
Everybody looked cold disapproval at
him, as good, polite Christian people do
when spoken to in street car, all but the
woman With the "tracts." She had fshed
out one and extended it to him.
''Thankee," he said, receiving it in a
brown baw. "Comic almanac. hey ~
mo, cir" said the woman, firmly, in
high falsetto voice. "lt's to save your
immortal soul. Touch not, taste not, han
die not the wine,' and she pointed with y
crooked forefger 10 the glass flask pro-
truding from his vest pocket.
'tOh, see,'' said the man, smiling good
humoredly on his sour-visaged yis-a-vis ;
but this bottle amt for me ma 'am.''
''Woe unto him that giveth his neigh
Dor drink" quoted the woman 6ercely.
HE amt eggsactly my neighbor eye
ther." said the man. You see its tie
new baby, and wife calculates to fetch
him up by hand, this bottles for him
bless his pootsy tootsy. Here's the rig
ging of it, and diving into another pock-
ct he fished out some Iudia rubber tub
ing, etc.
dissertation on temperance, but got out
without asking the driver to stop.
We have received unique publication
called market Quotations. 1t is ii CIR
caar il form. about one TO It in diameter,
and weighs two or three ounces. 1t re-
minds one Of the game OF roulette. 1t is
covered with dates and figures to show
what Lake Shore was worth in days gone
by, and what Pacific Mail may not be
worth in years to come. Then there is
shovel-blade shaped piece of pasteboard
that works around op pivot, and tells
you how the monkey jumps. 1t would be
frst-rate thing to nail over stove-p!pe
hole, and ought to be in the hands of all
psTents or guardIans.-Puck.
John Jones lives in Cleveland. Whils
milking he tied the COWS tail to bis leg.
as the flies kept that aprendage Tipping
After he was taken three times around
the COW pasture on his back he remarked:
II recognize my mistake. I should have
tied her tail to her own leg instead OF
mine.'
"My SON." asked Sunday school teach
er, what do you know of the provelb r.
garding people who reside in glass houses2
II don't know Dothin'." was the response.
'.about the provelb; but l know that PEG
ple who live in glass houses orient to lay
abed in the morning unless they pull down
the blinds"
There is lively contest now going OF:
between the citizens of the little town II
Mary Ann, Ark. A number of the resi-
dents have applied tn have the town rein
corporated and called mariana, )" Will
the old settlers object and say in their pa
e.. 81
with Mary Anu they can get up and git.
do You preach extemporaneously or BY
notesY" inquired church trustee of ali
applicant for vacant pulpit. "Well. SIR
was the frank reply. II have been preach
ing extemporaneously the last two years
for notes, and as tHey are all passed due
and worthless I concluded to seek new
fields and pastures green.'
81 trust your daughter is not one OF
these tame, spiritless sort of girls that
sometimes apply to US for situations and
are too bashful to fll them" said Bos-
ton shop keeper to father who was SET X
ing employment for one of his children.
s'Sir.'' he replied Indignantly, "my
daughter has red hair.''
Almoast Hht-"How's yer comm on
in your new place p asked Uncle Nose OF
Gaba Snodgrass, who had recently accept
ed a position as porter in an Austin hand
ware store. Use not COMM on very fas,
Uncle Nose. De boss tole me sonnet
dis mornin', and eff he don't take it back
he gwinter lose me, suah yer born.'
W hat ded be tole yer ?' ''He tole m
ter consider myself discharged.
THAT handsome gentleman seemed +,
know you. Why did you not bow to him?
Was be mistaken" "No, not exactly
We we're engaged all summer; but, you
know, the season is over now, and IT
would never do to recognize him here in
the city. He don't belong to our set.''
There is one thing connected with your
table," said drummer to western land
lord. that is not surpassed even by the
b. st hotels in Chicago Yes" rep.iad
the pleasant landlord land what is tha;?'
The salt'
Every tody IS favorite-$
A risky thing-An insurance policy.
A cows paradise-The udder world.
Down on a fellow-a youthful mus
ticae.