Daily Republican., 1883-07-06
BUCKING AGAINST FACTS.

A farmer came into a grocery store
the other day and exhibited to the eyes
Of an atmiring crowd an enormous egg,
about six inches long, which he avowed
to have been layed by one of his own
hens. He had it packed in cotton, and
wouldn't allow anybody to handle it
for fear of breaking the phenomenon.
The groc"ryman examined it with the
rest, and intending to chatf the country
man, said Pshaw I've got some
thing in the egg line that will beat
that"
"Pll bet you five dollars you
haven't, said the countryman, getting
excited.
"Take it up" replied the grocery
man, and going behind the counter, he
brought outa wire egg-beater. "There's $
something in the egg line that will beat
IL, guess" said he, reaching out for
the stakes.
"Hold on there" said the farmer,
"let's see you beat it,, and he handed
the egg to the grocer. The latter held
ont his hand for it, but dropped it in
surprise on the counter, where it broke
two soup plates and platter. l: was
SOLID iron painted white.
"Some folks think they are mighty
cute" muttered the farmer as he pock-
eted the stakes and lit out, " but 'tain't
no use bucking against the solid facts.
GENUINE SELF-DEFENCE.
never killed but one man during
the whole war;" said Colonel James
Otis, who commanded "a New York
calvary regiment, "and tina was una
voidable." elbow was that ?" inquir-
ed listener. "Well, said the Colon
el, seriously, ga Confederate chased me
twenty-five miles and fell dead from
sheer exhaustion. l have greatly re-
GREETED it since, but it could not be
helped "
UNREQUITTED ADVANCE.
Old flame Gin tone of tender mean-
choly to an old togy whom she regrets
having rejected when he once made
her an offer) "Do you think, Mr..
we shall meet those we love
in the next world ?" Old fogy "Per-
haps, ma'am. And, let us hope, in that
part of it where they neither marry, nor
are given in marriage"
Guileless young woman: con
Uncle, do wish you would take me
with you. adore those French
Dperettas Discriminating male rela-
tive: "It isn't a proper place tor you,
my dear girl" &. Y. w.: But it is
all in French, and | should not under
stand more than half what was said"
.. NJ. R.: eyes my dear, but which
lalf?"
" 1t is really quite amusing" remark
ell New York dude after landing in
Philadelphia am used to being ad-
nired by the women, You know, but to.
lay as came down the steps of the
Broad Street Station dozen men began
Hanson, hanson, han
'oln,' in such loud tone of voice that |
'ould not help overhearing."
Enthusiastic Professor OF physics, dis
,ussing the organic and inorganic king
Ions: "Now, if should shut my
'yes-so--and drop my head-so-and
bould not move, you would say l was
clod But move, ] leap, l run
hen what do you call me?' Voice
rom the rear" A clod-hopper" !" Glass
8 dismissed.
This Is the way they libel us in |
france: An American steamer was
making thirteen knots per hour when a
fell overheard. The captain
'rdered the beat stopped, and boats
we're about to be lowered, when the pur-
or exclaimed, "He has paid his pas
age" "All right" shouted the captain,
! 90 ahead !"
"You have been up here before
ne haf-a-dozen times this year,"
aid an Austin justice severely to a
ocal vagrant. "Come, now, Judge,
zone of that. Every time I've been
lere, I've seen you here, You are here
more than am. People who live in
lass houses should not throw stones"
" Have you ever tried the faith cure?"
sked ong-haired, sallow-faced stran-
er, addressing a gentleman who sat
'ehind him in Brooklyn street-car.
have" was the answer. "DO you ,
elieve in it 2" do" May | ask,
hen, of what you were cured ?" Ger
ainly. ] was cured of my faith
A St. Louis butcher has eloped with
neighbors wife. Something should c
. done with these butchers. A butch
r who will charge customer twenty
We cents u pound for beef and then G
7alk off with that mans rib, should be
round in one of his own sausage ma s
hines. u