Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
PLEASANTRIES,

hOHE people ole OF excessive eat than
excessive heat.-Bo8ton transcript,
LIE mule is apt to be behind in his
buslness.-BOStOn Commercial BuLZe-
tim.
OUR fellow citizen who lost his nap
will now be found in thread-bare coat.
N Y. NeWS.
HE man who makes q motion to adj
lourn is not necessarily adjournalist.
Illinois State Register.
BLoBsoN calls accompaniment s'bald-
headed must" -because they haven't
got any air.-BA'lingtoa1 Free Press.
John, asks the teacher, (which an
1mal attaches itself most to man ?''
John, after some reflection" The
| leech, sir!"
SEEING carriage full of bellies and
beaux drive by, Aminadab remarked
that that reminded him of a load of
Wooed.-Mar0tbOp Independent.
"DD the child die under suspicious
circumstances ?" asked the coroner of a
witness. ''No, sir, it did not. It died
under the back porch. P5tt8bemg Tege-
graph.
"THE difference" said Twistem, as
he thumped his glass ON the bar, "be-
tween this glass and locust is simply,
that one Is beer mug and the others q
mere bug"
HAVE bright prospect before
me, said the loafer. "You always will
have, remarked Fogg; CT don't think
you will ever catch up to it.'-Bostoy
transcript,
NEARLY 100 Philadelphia teachers are
to be married this summer. A school
system that enables woman to support
her husband is the next best thing to
free beer. -Berdette.
Two Illinois lawyers are now the hap
py possessors of two splendid Illinois
farms. A few months since they be-
longed to thrifty farmers who duarreled
over dollar and half pig.
A WICKED young man says that he
never will, upon any consideration
whatever, really believe that a pretty
girl knows what a kiss means till he has
it from her own mouth.-Judy.
HE New Jersey law prohibiting the
sale of tobacco to boys under Is years
of age Is not grand success; the small
boy hires his big brother to buy the to-
bacco, and then!goes halves with him on
the tobacco.
A WESTERN paper says: "Sam We'll
don was shot last night In the rotunda
by Henry Parsons. About the worst
place man can be shot, next to his
heart, Is IN the rotunda. It invariably
proves fatal. -Norr58toa0n Herald.
A LAWYER was sum moned as a wit
ness In a certain case. The Judge, find
ing that the witness was lying badly,
interrupted him, saying: 81 beg of
you to forget your profession moment
and tell us the truth. "-Sp01liSh Joke.
Mrs. SUMMERBREEzE's new girl was
told to watch the turnover few min
utes; when the lady returned the turn
over was burned to crisp and the girl
remarked: "Sure I've watched it.
mum, but it hasn't turned over yet. -
The Judge.
A MOTHER can call " Johnnie, its time
to get up" for three hours without max
ing any impression, but when the old
man steps to the foot of the stars and
shouts "John!' Johnnie takes his break
fast with the rest of the family. -Rocb-
ester Post Express.
A RETURNED missionary, in delivering
| O AOOOllAC OOASCAhAL5 1auuS LII Wu1Cn
he had labored, spoke of some exceed
ingly rugged territory he had visited.
He said: "The roads up these noun
tains are too steep and rocky for even a
monkey to climb; therefore, [ did not
attempt the ascent"
The man who asks ''Are you going
away this surumer ?" accidentally met
the person who says g Is this hot enough
for your" Each idiot thought he was
guyed by the other, and they had it hot
and heavy until policeman came out of
the beer saloon, where he rests, and
parted the belligerents.
"WHAT's that, John; is that the stage
coming ?" asked a summer hotel pro-
prietor of the porter. Yes, sir, I guess
| it is ?" "Then hurry up and put some
ether under the bulb Of that thermome-
ter on the porch; they'll be here pretty
| quick, and We must have it down to sew
enty-fvedegrees at least. "-LoWeU CSta-
zen.
LONDON conversation: EDO you
know, AIRY, them bloody Hamerieans
is hactually him1tating the Henglish ?"
"Ho, yes. Hi'v card O. that. But we
mustn't be hangry. Let US hextend 'em
a 'elping and, is my motto. We can
haford to be ham1able, you know, so
long as they do not hask for hannexa-
| ton |"
TRUE caution: (" Ma" said Jennie
Parvenu at Newport, "they said those
Smiths who have got the Jones cottage
are awful stylish and have got a pedi-
gree" SCOT the pedigree, have they?
said Mrs. Parvenu, excitedly; "wen, you
keep away from them, for 1 don't want
you to catch it. "-NeaO York AaiL and
Express.
WHEN lady living at Chelsea sent to
London for doctor, she apologized for
asking him to come such a distance.
IS Don't speak Of it," answered the
M. D., Ct happen to have another pa
tient IN the neighborhood, and can thus
kill two birds with one stone. ''-Colalna-
biG Spectator.
| A CONDEMNED murderer IN Boston
received much sympathy from number
of ladies, who daily brought him flowers
and various delicacies. But one day he