Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-05-31
HUMOR.

ohhAD 10 VIC SEuo euA6 hSssheS bue
butterfly.
How TO beat your grocers on eggs
succumb.
WHAT is a house without . babye
Well, comparatively quiet.
THERE is project to revive ancient
Roman games In the Coliseum.
AT the Geological Garden: "Mamma,
is that gorilla?" NO, child, it's only
dude"
SWEET are the uses of adversity,"
exclaimed the receiver as he pocketed
60 per cent. of the estate.
A CONTEMPORARY publishes a poem
addressed ITO an Assassin" That's
right. Assassins deserve punishment;
address your poetry to them.
SINCE the railroads have been run
ming into the interior of Mexico ex-bank
cashiers are to be found in almost ev-
cry town in the sister republic.
DEATHS by violence average over
average of ten murders day. About
1850 are frozen to death query year.
WE often hear the expression that
"the fire had gone out. And it is
said that in some of our large places
You can actually see the fire escape.
IT's Just as well to be refined in your
conversation. Say: "Those who in
dulge In terpsichorean recreation are
under obligation to remunerate the vio-
linist."
"TAKE care of the useful, and the
beautiful will take care Of itself" This
is what the fond and numerous father
remarked when he married off his
uglist daughter first.
IT takes but thirteen minutes to lead
an elephant on a train, while it takes
twenty for any sort of woman to kiss
her friend goOd-by and lose the check
Of her trunk-ROn1e Sentinel
THE remark of the pious Eneas, the
classic exclamation, "Horresco refer
ens"-"I shudder to relate"-is sup
posed to be the prototype of the mod
ern expressions, Z should blush to
murmur, Il should litter to eiaculate,"
ETC.
WE hear of woman who applied for
a situation as car-driver Being asked
if she could manage mules, she scorn-
fully replied: "Of course can; I've
had two husbands" That woman
should go to Congress where there are
plenty to manage.
DIoGENES, finding the water In
public bath dirty, asked: Where can
one go and wash on coming ont ?" The
Tahiti women, after swim in the sea,
always went and rinsed themselves in
fresh water brook, to preserve the
smoothness of their skins.
A VISITOR in the country seeing a
very old woman doing at her cottage
door asks a little boy of 6, or 7, who
happens to be playing near by, how
old she is. II can't say, sir" replies
the child, politely; but she must be
very old. She has been here ever
since L can remember"
In addressing d Sunday-school a
while ago, speaker said to the boys:
always be kind to your little sisters.
Nov, I never had little sister, and I
once tried to be kind to some other fell
lows sister; but she had cruel father,
and he hurt me helping me off the front
steps"
REFERRING to heroic attempt of a
young man to rescue a lady, who was
drowning, we began the article, Grand
er heroism has never been exhibited"
The intelligent compositor got it "gand-
er heroism," etc. It is a wonder to us
that so few homicides take place in
Texas printing ofices.-TeTas SJtings.
"CAN you tell me" said frugal wife,
to the heed of the family, as she handed
him pair of trousers Of her own man.
ufacture, "can you tell me the differ
ence between your wife and an Irish
peer?" "Go on, DEAR" was the reply;
proceed and do your worst "The diff
ference is that one makes the daddy's
pants and the other makes the Paddles
dance"
OK Montcalm street, in Detroit, a
boy was leading goat by rope, when
pedestrian asked if he wanted to sell
the animal. Course not; we just got
him." was the reply what do you
want of goat?" Nothing much. We
bought him to get ahead of the Browns,
who have fox, but they've gone and
got even again" "How?" "Why,
three of the family have been mesmer-
lied, and Johnny has had two teeth
filed"
A BosToN honeymoon: They were a
Boston couple, who had been married
but a few weeks and had just gone to
housekeeping. As the husband stood
at the area door one morning, with the
market basket in his hand, his bride
threw her arms around him and said
DO you indeed love me so very much,
Bradford? ?" Bunker Hill monument
may fall, "he answered with enthusiasm,
"but my love will always stand. "Well,
then" she exclaimed kissing him, "don't
forget the BEANS"
THE vicinity of Austin is very hilly
and rocky, and abounds in rabbits. A
little boy, who had not been long in
the place, undertook to capture a rab-
bit. He chased the animal up steep
hill, but when he undertook to follow
it down the other side he lost his bal
ance and got bad fall When the