The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1883-02-24

MI. Spoopendyke Buysa Christmas Present
Say, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
as he finished reading a letter he had re-
ceived. "my brother wants me to buy a
razor strop and a suitable Christmas present
for a young lady, and send them to him.
al didn't know a razor strop was a suit.
able present for a young lady, replied Mrs.
Sponpendyke. who was busy mixing catnip
tea, and caught the remark imperfectly.
I" 1t would be a suitable present for some
married women, if it would sharpen 'em
up any retorted Mr. Spoopendyke. Who
said anything about a razor strop and a
young ladyZ6 What | observed was that
my brother wants me to send him a razor
strop and a suitable Christmas present for a
young lady. Now I can get the strop. but
l don't understand what kind of a } present
she wants.
"Let me see," unused Mrs. Spoopendyke.
her shopping instincts rising to the surface.
" Does he say what kind of a young lady
| she is ?n II ~
aNo. he doesn't" roared Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "He leaves something to the imagin-
alton of the reader. / suppose she's got
arms and legs. cause if she hadn't he would
probably have mentioned it. What he wants
is a present for an average woman. Now,
what can we get for her p
"IfI knew whether she was a blonde or
a brunette. 1 could tell better what she would
like" replied Mrs. Spoopendyke. who. Lib e
the rest of her sex, always associated a
woman with the color that became her best.
" Do you suppose he means something for
her to wear, or some ornament for her house7
You see, | don't know whether she keeps
house. or boards. or lives at home.'
What difference does that maker" de-
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke. She's probably
a human being. but we will suppose she
roosts in a tree. Does that help you any2
Can you think of something useful for a fe-
male that lives in a tree, and hops with
light-hearted skips from bough to bough
like - crown"
"You mightget her a toilet set,'' suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke, taking refuge in a wo-
mans one idea of an appropriate present for
another woman.
"She don't want a toilet set" snerted Mr..
Sp~oopendyke, "any more'n she wants the
chicken-pox! You want to think of some
thing that is pretty, and at the same time
hat she can use. Now think"
"How would one of the newly-painted
porcelain fower-pots dof' ventured Mrs.
S~poopendyke.
THAT is" howled Mr.. SpooPendykc, a
1ower-pot with a measIy saucer under
it to plant the tree in now it's turned
coldi That's your idea! One with broken
legged spiders painted on the outside and a
hole in the bottom, so she can use it in the
spring for a spy-glass. That's the idea! A
twenty shilling flower-pot for a sixpenny
rose-bush with the blind staggers and a touch
of the pip! Where's the pota Fetch forth
the highly-seasoned flOwer-pot!"
And Nh. Spoopendyke leaned back in his
chair and glanced at his wife.
'II tell you what will dc, my dear" said
Mrs. Spoopendye approaching the next sug-
gestion cautiously. Why not send an album?'
"You mean one of those books for a lot of
idiots to wish they were dead in2" asked Mr..
SPoopendyke, suspiciously.
"No," replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, "a pho
tograph album"
'Don't want il" replied Mr.. Spoopendyke,
contemptuously. 'You mean that sort of
thing a girl brings out after tea. and says
That's ma. and that's pa, and that's aunt
Vim and her little boy, and that's Uncle ST,
and that's my niece Nellie, amt she sweet?
And that's a dog we used to own, and |
don't know who that is, and that's Sarah
Bernhardt. Don't want it," And Spoop-
endyke's voice rose to a steam whistle pitch.
''S'pose I'm going to infict a suffering pub
lie with a book full of old stagers that all
lock alike and that have been in every
messly album since Adam began to wear
pants? Can't you think of something sem
sible2''
Wouldn't half a dozen forks be niece"
faltered Mrs Spoopendyke, aim ost at her
wits end.
'Just the thinga' gasped Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. Half a dozen pitchforks an a ton of
hay. Then you might throw in an eight
day hen coop and a cat climbing over the
fence. You've got ideas about such things.
All you want is a chin whisker and chimney
to be a Santa Claus. With your inteIli-
gence on these subjects, you only need a
strike and a glue-pot to be- a toy shop! I'm
going to buy his present myself"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot out of the
house and tore down the street, with his
head sunk on his shoulders and his fists in
his pockets.
In an hour he returned all grins. and
tossed a silk handkerchief into his W fe's
lap.
CHOW, my lear what do you think of
that ?'' he asked cheerily.
Mrs. Spoopendyke opened the parcel, and
discovered q huge crimson silk handkerchief
would have made a tabernacle tent for
camp meeting.
/" How did you come to think of it g. she
asked. holding it up admirably.
Why" replied MI. Spoopendyke. he
said in the letter that i'll couldn't think of
else to get a handkerchief"
But he don't say handkerchief-he says
nice handkerchief ring 7"
Why don't he write plain g. he howled.
. Why didn't you tell me before what he
wanted2 Why did you let me break my
heck to get this flag for when he wanted a
If didn't have any mere sense than
got, I'd put broken glass on my head
hire out for the back fence of an idiot
And Mr.. Spoopendyke drove into his chair
md snored Justify until bedtime.
Aconite in Dysentery.
DIR. Owen reports the results eff ISL