Tolland County press., 1883-01-25
AUNT SAMANTHA DOOLITTLE's EXPERIENCE
Spunky Holler Dec. 16th

Spunky hOHeF DeC lOtn
 Of course, they both on em asked ms tew cum along when they he'd got reddy to go, but new they was ennymost tick led tew deth GUS they thert cuddent so I told 'em I'd stay whare I was a spell, and if they see Sam, send him over tew keep me cumpany.
 The minnnit they got onto the ice the widder commenced tew be afrade she was goin' tew fall, and sprawled around and squealed as tho she warnt moarn sixteen, and scart to death, so Liab he'd tew hold onto her all the time few keep her up but notissed arter they got along lee tie ways they didn't seem tew hev enny more trubble, and when they went outer site they was putty clost together, and salein along perfectly unconshus of the fact that thare was enny boddy else in this world that warnt on skates or that my wife, Samantha Doolittle, was settin on the soft side of hemlock log chewin' the cud of bitter fancy, and wonderin' where in creation Sam was, and why he diddent cum in site But he was on the watch, and he'd only wated till they was out of the way before he cum with my skates. I'd asked old Mrs. Jones tew swap her cloak for my blanket shawl, for the shawl warnt putty thing tew skate in, and, besides, wanted tew cum up to Liab and the widder without hevin 'em no me.
 Vixen I'd got about half way up I seed 'em cummin down, and when they'd got by l follered lem. I tue notiss they didn't go down fur enuff tew see the log where they sposed Samantha was restin' but struck across and got on tother side. l follered up as nigh as I cud, and heard the widder say :
 s'You wont tell me Liab, thet you mar red fur luv."
 ''Well, no," ses Liab, ''I cant say thet 1 did but I dunno as 1t makes much odds, seein' it's dun an cant be helped"
 ''Its dretful thing" ses the widder, ''fsr folks to live together withous luv. 1 have he'd time tew see what great mis- take made when told my first luv no, and married man cuddent luv.''
 ''Duz that mean," ses Liab, "that you luved me then, and wuddent own it..
 ''It dug, ," sizes the widder and Liab put his arm rite around her neck, COS he was afrade she was goin' tew fante, I sposs; and I was wonderful how I was goin' tsw put stop tew the performance, when l see sled cummin rite towards us, as tho it was pushed by telegraph. They was so ingaged they diddent take enny notiss, and before they new it thare he'd ben g collision, and Liab and the widder was performin' gimnasticks on big scale. The sled must hev hit Liab, fer the fust thing he new he was kinder hyin' side ways, wavin' the widder's hat, and lot false hair thet he had grabbed tew save himself with. He he'd, in sum onaccount able manner, got his skate iron tangled 1T the widder's hoop skirt, and she was grabbin' at nothin, ,bareheaded, and screen in like hull tribe of Injuns possessed and fore you cud tell ont, thare was z crowd around 'em tryin' tew repare dem ages. -.--..
 They was putty we'll demoralized, fel Liab's nose was parked the hull length, which warnt no short distance and he't hooked two of his frunt teeth out, and hed got black eye, besides big whack on his shin whare the sled hit him. And the widder's hoop was in ruins, and her pull. backs trailin' on the ice, and her switcl and frizzles missin, and her false teett demolished besides bump on her het as big as hens egg. I kinder watet around till see they warnt much hurt and then I left fer hum :; fer I didden want tew see the widder agin that nite And hoped 'twould be warnin' tev lem, not tew be meddlin' with matters they hadn't no bizzness with. But I mite have nown it wuddent,if she'd got sot ar ter him, far he warnt nothin but man and she was widder. Yours truly, AUNT SAMANTHA.