National Republican., 1883-03-31
DON'T BE A FOOL.
Some Things IL WIN Bc Wen 10 Cook
Out For To-Morrov.


BY tradition tho fools have one day in tho
year. As a matter of fact the fool blooms on
all seasons and climates. IL may be that in
April the FOOLS lanoy more intcntly ccnters
upon thoughts of folly; atany rate the rules are
suspended by unanimous consent on that day,
and It is folly TO be wise at one stop and wise
TO be foolish at the next. IL comes on to-
morrow this dreadful day. At the Sunday
morning bath, which is generally more pro-
tractcd and soaking than the baths Of
other mornings, the chances are, il
there are some very funny people in the
house, that you will find that you are using a
cake ofmaplo sugar for soar, aud later in the day
your compensation will come in the shape of
soap in the mouth for maple sugar. IL would
perhaps be better to omit the la.h. The
door bell is one instrument of torture which
gives the fool great opportunities. He can
ring it and run away, and repeat the Offense
under cover of the suspension of the rules of
common sense which govern the conduct of
people on other days. The door bell should be
either unhitched or mullled lt is easier to
control door bell than fool, and
the real friend who might be ringing ut the
handle of your dumb bell, will let you or on
the sscorc of Aprl-foo business. He will
think you are roguish lot. The telephone
is an invention which will greatly extend the
the fools possibilities. He can call you up
and tell you to come at once to some reno to
drug store on important business, and then
he can 80 away, leaving an envelope with tho
April-lool message. Perhaps it would be well
to unhook the transnitter and let in danglo
for one day The fool will simply call up some
one else and have his fool joke through the
telephone all the same.
The cautious man will grope his way
through the labyrinthine folies of tomorrow
with great advantage over the impulsive man.
The impulsivo man will do well TO remain Mt
home, for by so doing he will avoid mortifca-
tion, and, perhaps, escape some physical
breaks. A broken bone is funny, but tho
man who owns the bone is not the man who
laughs. If the impulsivc man must 20 out
and mix with tlf other fools there arc
many things that he will do well to refrain
from. The innocent looking old hat on the
sidewalk SO inviting to kick, will, if kicked,
send the impulsive man bowling to his homo
amid the jeers of the boys who put the bricks
under it; he should remember that the old
hat is the most raging and malicious of all
the enemies of man on April first. 10 comes
out of its hole as surely as the grounding on
Candlemas, and may generally be found on
the same square with the less venomOus half
dollar ut the end of a string. As the impul-
svc man starts upon his way to church, The
ing sure, at least Of hndinga genuine preacher
in the pulpit he would be playing in
big luck to encounter the half dollar
before meeting the old hat. lie might swear
just the same, but ho could 60 on and repent
of his sins easier than he could go on and
mend his shins. Having been mildly fooled
before leaving home the wise man VIII walk
forth with his mind on dead strain to pre-
vent recurrence, but he has an awful day of
1t, and at night can never be sure whether he
has fooled himself by not picking up the fat
looking pockctbook or fooled small boy at
the other end of string. There are some
things that are not for man to know in this
world, and that is one. But he must hold
rigidly to his course OF neglect and
indifference to all allurcments, and
having stepped carefully over the
old hat and pretended not to see the
half-dollar he can refuse the candy with
cotton in it, spurn the bundle 'of ashes so
nicely envclOped, affect an utter indifference
to tlocks of wild geese flying over, deny his
own name to the telegraph boy with mes.
sage, and go proudly home with u sort Of you
an't-fool-thc-old-man swaggcr to find every
body laughing at the enormous placard hang
ing to his coat tail OF course it would not
be the proper thing to advise man to delib-
erately get drunk ON the night of Saturday,
the thirty-hrst of March, and keep drunk un.
til Monday morning, tho second of April-of
course that wouldn't do; but intoxication to
oblivion has advantages on that day that can
not be claimed for IL on any other. Nobody
will deny that.