The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-04-05
THE sPooPENDYKEs IN HAMLET

Now, NV dear, sand Mr.. Spoopendyke,o open
ing the book, and assuming the correct dramat-
ic scOwl; "now, my dear, we'll rehearse our
parts for Speckl.wottles theatricals. I'm TO be
Hamlet and you're to be the Queen and We
want this thing to 90 off about right. The
hardest part we have to play together is where
| accuse yOn of poisoning my father, and We
had better try that until we get it perfect. I'll
commence:
Now, mother, what's the matterf"
.'Well, was thinking whether had better
wear my black silk or my maroon suit, )" re-
turned Mrs. Spoopendyke. sticking her finger in
TO her mouth Tefectively. "Do Queens wear-f'
''Wil you be kind enough to tell me what
pack of cards you got the idea of a Queen from 2"
demanded Mr.. Sponpendyke, fixing his wife's
eye with glare. ''Do you suppose that queen
sent for Hamlet to get his opinion about bar
gains in dry goods' When ! say that, you
must say:
'.'Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offend
ed'-
.-Oh, understand" said Mrs. spoopendyke.
81 Thought You asked me what was thinking
abont. didn't know You had commenced to
play. Try again"
"Well. you lie careful, this time, /" recommend
ed Mr.. SpOOpendyke, in tone of solemn warn
ing. This is play, this is. Think You know
the difference between play and bankrupt
sale! Know the difference between play aud
a millinery shop opening' Now, I'll begin
again. and you try to do it decently.'
"'Now, mother, what's the matterr"
There's nothing the matter, now" replied
Mrs. SpooPcndyke. Strengthening up and pre-
pairing to be queen, soon her turn came.
go on, dear; understand it nov"
"Say it, can't ye" Numbered Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. Haven't We studied this business. Don't
We know yOur partf'
.'What shall say, dear." asked Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, looking at her husband with dazed
expression.
Say roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Sing a
hymn. II You don't know your part, get OFF n
psalm. Didn't tell you what TO say. Look
herr and Mr.. Spoopendyke lowered his voice
to the intense pitch, ''haye yon ever read this
play! Have you conceived any kind of no.
tiOn of what it's all about! a.
'.Why, yes, !" faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke. 'You
come in and stab Mr. Specklewottle behind the
ears. and scream. Isn't that right dear.r
Hear her." moaned Mr.. Spoopendykc, truth
ing at the month. stab Speckle wottle behind
the ears! That's all right; now You scream
Scream, why don't You. You know 50 much
about your part, why don't you play it ~
''W-e-e-er squealed Mrs. Sponpendyke. faith
fully following instructions. II knew could
do il right, as Won showed me how.
VIII that dO!'
.4Oh. that was queenyr' snarled Mr. Spoop-
cndyke, dropping into chair, and regarding
his wife with ruling eyes. "Just do that again
Four of those dramatic efforts will make this
play the greatest Of modern entertainments!
Do il once morer
sit hurts my throat complained Mrs. Spoop-
endyke Can't we make it do with one scream,
dearf"
Mrs. Spoopendyke,r said her husband, with
unnatural calmness, ''there's been some mistake
made in this thing. You should have been cast
for 'Ophelia.' That was the part intended for
yon"
81 wonld just as soon play it, murmuretl
Mrs. Sponpendyke, who failed to the drift
of her husbands remark. 'What does he do p
He was an idiot from birth, and afterwards
went crazy, explained Mr.. Spoopendyke. That
was the part for yon.'
Then I'd rather be guecn,r returned Mrs.
Spoopendyke, hridling a little. NOW, dear,
let's commence all over, and I'll do right this
time"
''You can't do it WORSE" growled Mr. Spoop-
endyke. "I'll try yOu once more. Just to see
what kind of foolishness you can work off,
Now, mother, what's the matter:'
'.W-e-e-e-er giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke, salts
fed that she was perfect this time. "Hamlet,
oh, Hamlet, w-e-e-e-er
Turn il off, yelled Mr.. Spo0pendyke spring
ing frum his chair, and capering around the
room as if a snake had bitten him. BE quick,
and break off the end, What's the matterr
.'W-e-e-e-e" squeaied Mrs. Spoopendyke, pro-
foundly impressed with the idea that the play
was still going on, and that she had at last
mastered the intricacies of her part"
will ye ever shut up.' gasped Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, madden than ever, 10 think his wrath
was mistaken for acting. ''Who ever told We
10 yell like thatl Don't We know anything at
all scarcely! Think Hamlets lunatic asy-
lum' Got some kind of a notion that the
queens fog hornf Whered We get your idea
of this thing, anyway"
Il did Just as You told me, DEAR argued Mrs.
'SPoopendyke, completely taken back 10y her
husbands criticism. lyon said was to scream
when you asked what the matter was.
Didn't do it right e
..Oh. that was right ~ howled Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. lyon strpck the keynote of high art
both times, With that YELL and your knowl-
edge of the text, all you want now is n fire and
frre-ist to Ice a theatre with restaurant at
tachment. The first time show comes around
Inrnagrrie! Such talent as that can't he wasted
ON any cheap Shakespeare plays. while I've got
the money aud Influence to get you job in the
Legitimate circusr and Mr. Spoopendyke kicked
the book through the window. peeled himself
like potato, and dove into he'd with flop like
a Standardization Eagle.