Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-09-10

Railroads kill more people than light
ming, Jersey lightning excepted.
Some people must know themselves,
for certainly they never seem to think of
anybody else.
There is a doctor in Winconsin named
Green S. Apple. The only core to this
apple must be an ambulance corps.
young lady writes that she is not
engaged, but she ''sees a cloud in the hor-
izon about the size of mans hand.
California paper says: ''The milk
men of San Francisco have formed mu-
tual aid association. One holds the can
while another pumps.
An Iowa family gave tramp dinner,
and the tramp gave the family the small
pox. Don't blame the poor man. Per-
haps that was all he had to give.
An exchange thinks the theatre of the
future will be ireproof. 1t will have to
be if there is not an Improvement in the
moral tone of the plays produced.
Eve must have had good deal more
time i'll which to do her housework than
the modern woman. She had no looking
glass to be running to every half hour.
In Mobile is pumpkin nicely painted
and exhibited as a monster peach. Agri-
| cultural fair time is upon US, and here is
hint to our honest old farmers who
raise apples.
John Wesley's breastpin was among
the articles offered for sale at recent
London fair. Mr.. Wesley. it is believed
was not hotel clerk, and his pin did not
attract much attention.
A teacher in the Chinese Sunday schoo
at Portland, Me-, was relating to one Of
the pupils the story of Job, when he sud
denly exclaimed, "Job, me know him
Me see his name on wagons -
A young man urged, as one of the rea
sons why girl should marry him, thai
he had collection of over 400 different
kinds of wood. She said if it was kind
ling wood she would think of it.
''Well, swan, Billy, said a blunt ole
farmer to an undersized nephew who was
visiting him, ''when you take off tina
'ere plug hat and spit two OF. three time.
there amt much left of you, my boy, i.
there?"
An OK team is singularly symbolic o
courtship and marriage, for it begins will
a bow, continues with ring and yoke
progresses with a tongue, and ends b,
goaded pair.
What's that you are wearing?" aske,
Farmer John of his fair city boarder
s'Oh, that is my red Jersey" can right,
was the reply, ''only don't go near m,
brown Jersey over in that field unles
you are good at climbing trees''
A tramp reached into the pantry win
dow of an out-of-town house the othe
night and tried to steal a pound Of butter
but it was so strong it drew him in an,
whistled for the dog. The tramp VOW
he will never tackle any more countr
butter
ssBlast the luck!" cried the burglar, a
he turned his dark lantern on the handfu
of silver he had scooped up from the YES
pocket of a banker. 'sBlast the luck,
here aint six trade dollars 1 have m
opinion of any government that puts u
these games on a feller!'
The scarcity of gentlemen at a neigh
that Boston lady telegraphed to her hus
band: George, bring down lot {
beaus to the hop this evening"" Thank
to the telegraph manipulation George al
rived with sspot of beans.''
At one of the White Mountain hotel
he asked student waiter for some gree
corn. 81 regret to inform you," said ii
intellectual servant, ssthat the supply
that vegetable was not adequate to tt
Possibly you may select some garde
product enumerated on the menu as
substitute. $50 to thunder!" was q
the diner said.
good Baptist clergyman OF Bergen N. Y,
strong temperance man, suffered with kidney trouD
n nouralg lgia aud dizziness almost blindness over L
years after he told that Hop Blers would C,
AZ him. ecause he afraid of and prcn,iiced aga
2 .Biters" Since his cure he rays none need fear