The Evening critic., 1883-03-16
THE CRITIC ABROAD,

1t was young man of handsome,
thoughtful face and hercuean frame that
stood on the winding steps leading up
to Police Headquarters, and was speaking
earnestly to little group of people as the
Critic approached.
Eyes" he proceeded, as the Critic came
within hearing, az have seen my share OF
great men and illustrious women in my
day, although / am still a young man. i
have sat beside Queen Victoria on her
throne, have conversed with Napoleon III
his exile, ] have driven with seven Presic
dents, ridden with the crowned heads oil
four nations, dned with the magnates of
court and stage and press. / bave sought
in vain to cheer the Wandering jew in his
dreary pilgrimage. ] have shared the
hospitality of cardinals and .popes."
Tho hearers listened in wonder to the
young mans story, and while some seemed
inclined to smile incredulously, there was
an impressive earnestness in his utterauces
that imposed silence upon the group. Some
evidently wondered how one SO young
could have travelled so far and seen so much,
but all listened as he continued
81 have sung duets with Jenny Lind,
fiddled with Ole Bull, rhymed with Poe
and Longfelow, and reasoned with Emer-
son and Carlyle; have planned campaigns
with Garibaldi and Wellington, and have
swapped speeches with Gambetta and Dis
raeli, but must leave you now, for have
an engagement to drive with Conkling
this afternoon and look up General Grant
before dark"
The young man walked quietly away,
and the little group stood silently for an
instant until one of the men inquired who
the remarkable adventurer was.
"Oh" replied the Critic, that is the
ambulance driver who has been conveying
insane patients to st. Elizabeths for ten
years"
And the little crowd dispersed without a
murmur.
at is amusing to see with what POM
posity and self-constituted Importance Puff
fer Moore, the Philadelphia jury-fxer, now
employed by the Department of Justice in
the District of Columbia, walks into the
Postoffice Department about a. M" said
an observer this morning.
"Pufler Moore!" said the Critic. "Who
is P-u-f-f-e-r M-o-o-r-eP
"Why, he is the most notorious humbug
on Gods foot-stool. he will take more
chances for less money than any man on
earth. He is employed to fix the jury in
the Star Route cases."
DO you think he has done it?"
"Not this time. He did his do with the
shaving witness fees in this trial. His
occupation in this trial is lost.
-:o:
Nearly all the statesmen remaining in
the city from Congress are ex-members
There are few members here. The first
named class are, it is presumed, looking
about for future employment. THE devil
takes care of his own"
-:o
The last city directory issued (Boyd's, for
1882 contains the following Brewster en-
tries:
Brewster Andre, Department Of Justice,
1925 Connecticut avenue.
Brewster Benz. H., Attorney-General
of the United States, 1925 Connecticut
avenue.
Brewster Robt. j. W., Department Of
Justice 1925 Connecticut avenue"
This is that portion of his immediate
family that is represented in the Depart
ment of Justice not to mention Brewster
| Cameron and other nephews, or uncles or
| couzins that are strung about in the diff
ferent rooms Of that legal synagogue, like
| so many beads on q string.
Brewster isn't guilty of nepotism, oh,
| no!
When Mr.. Chlcott came to the Senate he
was not used to the mode and manner Of
doing things in that august body. He
watched and prayed, endeavorng to learn
as best he could. But for the life of him
he never could get it into his head how it
was that nearly every day some Senator on
| the Democratic side would get up when the
| roll was being called and an
nounce that his colleague was paired with
| the Senator from Colorado, Mr. Chilcott.
He would go to one Of his own party and
ask if that was right, and be informed
that it was that pairs were arranged by
the chairman of the respective caucuses as
rule, and it was as fair for the one as the
other. The Senator got along during the
first session all right. 1t so happened that
when the River and Harbor bill of the first
session of the Forty Congress was
voted on in the Senate some Democrat
got up and made the same old announce
| ment:
"My colleague is paired with the Senator
from Colorado, Mr.. Chilcott! !"
The Senator paid no attention to the
matter until he arrived at home. in Colo
RADIO. 1t was then that he learned that he
had lodged the vote on the great jumbo
steal. No explanation he could make
would satisfy his people chat they misun-
derstood the facts in the case. So he made
up his mind that he would pair no more
When Congress met this winter the Senator
was found in his seat about week after il
had been in session, Some question arose
upon which roll-call was had. When the
name of Mr.. Hampton was reached Mr..
Butler arose and said:
My colleague is paired with the Senator
from Colorado, Mr.. Chilcott"
| This was too much for Mr.. Chilcott. He
| arose and replied:
"The Senator from South Carolina is
mistaken. / am not paired at all. have
voted"
This got O little stir and hustle for a
while, which, however, was not generally
observed. Pretty soon Mr.. Dawes, Mr.. Rol-
Inns and several other Republican Senators
gathered around the Colorado Senator and
asked why this was thus. He very quickly
informed them that his being paired at the
last session ON the River and Harbor bill
had cost him his political existence in Colo
RADIO, and he would be id if he woult
pair again under any consideration and h
did not.
"only politicians devoid Of principle AM
those who, seeing the end of their public
career nearing them very rapidly, will sci
the friends who have stood by them by tn
preparation of such acts Of meanness as ex
Speaker Keifer and Senator Mitchell hav
been guilty of. Why, damn such men; III
rather steal than discharge men as Keife
and Mitchell have done for the purpose o
giving sinecures to relatives or any Others