The banner-enterprise., 1883-05-03
THE BAD BOY AND THE BABY
THE TROUBLE THE NEW ARRIvAL
HAS CAUSED.
How the Bad Boys Pa Got Goat for the
Infants sSustenance--IisN New Situation rs
Teller in Livery stable.

grocery man of the bad boy, as he
came into the grocery smelling very
"horsey," and sat down on the chair
with the back gone, and looked very
tired.
o., dickens take the baby. Every
body asks Inc about the baby as though
it was mine. don't pay no attention
to the blame thing, except to notice
the foolshness going on around the
house. Say, / guess that baby will
grow up to be a fire engine The
nurse coupled the baby on to section
of rubber hose that runs down into a
bottle of milk, and it began to get up
steam and pretty soon the milk began
to disappear, just like the water does
when a fire engine couples on to hy-
drant. Pa calls the baby odd Num-
Der Two lam Number One, and if
pa had a hook and ladder truck and a
hose cart and fire gong, he would
imagine he was chief engineer of the
fire department. But the baby kicks
on this milk wagon milk, and howls
like dog that's got lost. The doctor
told pa the best thing he could do was
to get goat, but pa said since we
'nishiated him into the Masons with
the goat, he wouldn't have a goat
around no how. The doc told pa the
other kind of goat, think it was Il
Samantha goat he said, wouldn't kick
with its head. and pa sent me up into
the Polack settlement to see if l could
borrow a milk goat for a few weeks.
l got woman to lend us her
goat till the baby got big enough
to chew beef, for dollar a week, and
paid a dollar in advance, and pa went
up with me in the evening to help me
get the goat, Well, it wa, the blamed
est mistake you ever see. There was
two goats 50 near alike that you
couldn't tell which was the goat we
leased, and the other goat was the
rhum of our goat, but it belonged to a
Nirish woman. We got u bed cord
hitched against the Irish goat. and
that goat didn't recognize the lease,
and when we tried to jerk it along it
reared right up and made things lively
for pa. | don't know what there is
about a goat that makes it get so
spunky, but that goat seemed to have
grudge against pa from the first. If
there were any places on pas manly
form that the goat did not explore,
with its head, pa don't know where
the places are. Oh. it lammed him, and
when ! latGed pa got NAL. l told him
every man ought to furnish his goats,
when he had baby, and let go of
the rope and started off, and pa said
he knew how it was, I wanted
him to get killed. 1t wasn't that, but
saw the Irish woman that owned the
goat coming around the corner of the
house with a cistern pole. Just as pa
was getting the goat out of the gate the
goat got crossways of the gate, and pa
yapked and doubled the goat right up,
and l thought he broke the goats
neck, and the woman thought so too,
for she jabbed pa with the ciStern pole
Just below the belt, and she tried to
get hold on pas hair, but he had her
there. No woman can get the advan-
tage of pa in that way, cause ma has
tried it. Well, pa explained it to
the woman, and she let pa off if he
would pay her two dollars for damages
to her goat, and he paid it, and then
we took the nanny goat, and it went
right along with us. The baby
hasn't done anything but blat since
the nurse coupled it onto the goat
hydrant. | had to take all my play
things out of the basement tokeep tle
goat from eating them, l guess the
milk will taste of powder and singed
hair now. The goat got to eating
some Roman candles me andmy chum
had laid away in the coal bin, and
chewed them around the furnace, and
the powder leaked out and coal fell
out of the furnace on the hearth, and
you'd a dide tosee pa and the hired girl
and the goat. You see pa can't milk
but milk wagon, and he got
the hired girl to milk tho goat, and they
were just hunting around the base
ment for the goat, with tin cup, when
The fireworks went off. Well, there
was balls Of green and red, and blue
fire, and spilled powder blazed up, and
the goat Just looked astonished, and
looked on as though it was sorry so
much good fodder was spoiled, and
when its hair began to burn the goat
gave one snort and went between pa
and the hired girl like it was shot out
Df a cannon, and it knocked pa over a
into a coal bin, and the
lired girl in among the kindling
wood, and she crossed herself and re-
Deated the catekism, and the goa.
Jumped up on top of the brick furnace,
md they couldn't get it down. /
heard the celebration, and went down
md took pa by the pants and pulled
lin out of the coal-bin, and he said he
would surrender, and plead guilty of
being the biggest fool in Milwaukee.
pulled the kindling wool off the hired
yirl, and then she got mad, and said
Ihe would milk that goat or die. Oh,
hat girl has got sand. She used to
work in the glass factory. Well, sir,
t was a sight worth two shillings ad-
mission to see that hired girl get up on
! step-ladder to milk that goat on top
Il the furnace, with pa sitting on a
,arrel of potatoes, bossing the job.
They are going to fix gang plank to
ret the goat down off the furnace.
rhe baby kicked on the milk last
light. l guess beside tasting of pow
Ter and burnt hair, the milk was too
warm on account Of the furnace. Pa
las got to grow new lot of hair on
hat goat, or the woman won't take it |
'ack. She don't want no bald goat. |
Veil, they can run the baby and goat
o suit themselves, cause | have re.
;nnad 1aya oona into hro;naee