Connecticut western news., 1883-12-12
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
WORDS OF WISDOM BY BROTHER
 GARDNER.
From the Detroit Free Press. ]

An Address Upon a Very Serious Subject | From the Detroit Free Press.l
 ''I desire to announce" said Brother Gardner as he rose up and looked around on the bald heads before him, "dat de Right Very Honorable Erastus Du Biff LL.D., of West Point, Ga., am waitin in de aunty-room to deliber lecktur befo' dis club. De subjick he has choosen on dis illustrious occasion am: What will de fuchur' bring fo'th?' He arrove heah two days ago, an has bin occupyin da srar' had ;a PsssaaAs. ual.aolA'a- -hausa Arter de lectur' colleckshun will be tooken up fur his benefit, and to.morrer mawnin' he will purceed on his way to Toronto. De committee will now pur- ceed to bring him in."
 When the committee reached the ante-room they found the Right Very Honorable bathed in cold precipitation and his paper collar fast willing away. He had an attack of what is called ''stage fright" and the committee had to rub his back with brick, pour cold water down his neck, and lend him fifteen cents in nickels before he could sufficiently command himself to enter the hall. He finally appeared, rosy smile mortgaging his features and his head nodding from one to another, and was formally introduced by the Presi- dent. He seemed on the point of wilt ing again, but Brother Gardner whis- pered to him that if he did he'd have to go out of town on foot, and the warning stifened his legs and made new man of him.
 "My frens," he softly began, "I reckon dat mos of you know what de word fuchur means. It doan' mean de huskin' bees of las' var, but it refers to goin' a-fshin' nex' summer. De fuchur means dat which am befo' us. We know what de past has brung out. What will happen in de fuchur cannot be known but may be predicted. I am heah tonight to predict.
 'I do not say dat de fuchur will see 8 cull'd man occupyin' de White House at Washington, but predict dat if de Norf Pole am ever diskivered it will be by some member of de Lime-Kiln Club.
 'De cull'd man of de fuchur may not become world renowned for inventin' an sOO-barreled cannon, but see no reason why he shouldn't bring fo'th steam bootjack or diskiver way to patch butes wid cold pancakes. Steam be- longs to de past. A hundred y'ars hence it will be too slow fur any bizness 'cept sawin' up wood fur poo folks.
 "I do not assert dat de fuchur will do away wid railroads, but de son of some pusson now widin' sound of my voice will win fame by inventin' some way of killin' de brakeman who emag- f ines dat his sole duty consists in roastin' de passengers in each car.
 "De fuchur may not solve de prob- lem of fyin' frew de air, but who kin tell what de next fifty years may do to- ward improvin' de hotel bed an de restaurant sandwich?
 eTo-day we stan an look upon de sewin' masheen as perfeckshun. Fifty years hence men will smile at de ideah of our bein' satisfied wid any sich affair. A wife will take de sewin' masheen of de fuchur an support lazy husban' an nine children widout workin' ober two days in de week.
 "De fuchur will have a heap to do wid our own pertickler race. De Samuel Shin of hundred y'ars hence may be g city comptroller; de Giveadam Jones will be President of college; de Pickles Smith will boss railroad; de Waydown Bebee will have his name mixed up wid @ nashunal bank; de Lord Nelson Slabs may command an army an de Br udde Gardner will sit in de Gubiner's room al de State House an sign his offishu name to de bills passed by de Legis lachur. Wild cheers Wid desc few impervious remarks is dun. return my sympathetic adherence for de tyran nical manner in which you has bestowed your attenshun an take my leave of yor in de moas' emblematical manner"
 The closing remarks were greeted with such storm of applause a broke out several window-panes ant upset two lamps. The honorable gen tleman was then conducted from tn hall, and the collection taken up for hi benefit netted him the handsome sum o $7.30.