Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-03-08

that Will De useIul KNOW, sir, Wnen
we do catch him"
An Englis hmsn shooting small game
in Germany said there vas spice of
danger in shooting in America "Ah,"
said the host, ''you like danger nit
your sport. Then you go out shooting
NIT me. The last time / shoot mine
brudder- in-law in the schtomsck."
"Hil where did you get those trou-
sers ?" asked an Irishmane of q man
who happened to be passing with q
pair of remarkably short trousers on
81 got them where they grew" was
the indignant reply. "Then, by me
conscience" said Paddy, "you pulled
them a year too SOON"
whats the crowd sbout?" queried
a stranger as he noticed a stream of
visitors going into fashionable resi-
dence. "It's silver wedding" replied
his informant. "What's silver we'd
ding? ?" "Why, a chaps been married
twenty-five times and he's celebrating
it~
Ifthere is anything in this world that
makes q man thoroughly sick tits to
run half block with might and main
to catch s.horse- cariwhich he hears but
cannot see, and to arrive ct the corner
in a lather of perspiration only to dis
cover that the car is going the wrong
way.
Thirty years ago man could only
get his portrait in the illustrated papers
by performing great deeds of valor;
now the came end can be achieved by
eating two quail day for two weeks.
This is another evidence of the rapid
strides this country is lmaking in the
industrial arts-or something that way.
"If you come around to my house
I'll give you a pair of old pants" said
Co. Hobe5on to q rather dilapidated
looking tramp. "Where do you liver"
"Out near the lunstic asylum" 81
am not in the habit of doing business
in the country, but rather than disap-
point you III go out there. Give me
two car tickets"
A district attorney who was cross-ex-
aiming doctor on criminal trial,
exclaimed, petulantly: "a doctor
should be able to give his opinion with
out mistakes" He is as well able as a
lawyer" retorted the doctor. ga doc
tors mistakes are buried six feet under
the ground" said the lawyer. "And a
lawyers are sometimes hung six feet
above it." responded the doctor.
Ingersoll says plug hats and suspen
ders are needed in the south before VIC
will make much Roadway, as no pee
ple who wear SLOUGH hats and and let
their trousers hang slovenly on their
hips can ever become civilized. That's
it. With the danger of breaking his
suspenders and having his 81 hat
smashed staring him in the face, man
will be slow about going into fight,
A lnnatic whose monomania take;
the directien of autographs, runs VIC
lently down steep stairway leading
from a shop, and exclaims triumphant
ly to another sufferer, whose disease /:
art: 81 have i'll I've just bought one
genuine R4phaell" "a r .phael?
replies his companion, 81 have one.
The autograph collector, scornfully
Yes, but yours is only picture"
Mr.. and Mrs. Swellington Jones dis
cussing the success of their ball: My
dear, who is that fellow over there look
ing at the pictures Don't know my
dear" :" Who brought him here
"Don't know, my dear" Well, ge
his name correctly, and take good cars
not to have him here again. He don't
talk, he don't dance, he is very com
mon locking, and he eats like sixty"
"My mother says your father has
gone into bankruptcy" said one little
girl to another. al don't know exact
ly," replied Nellie, but 'spccts it's
something awful nice. Pa used to work
awful hard, and used to go around in
his old clothes; but since he has gone
into bankruptcy, he dresses up every
day and doesn't do anything but walk
around just like 8 perfect gentleman.
81 will now ask my esteemed frenC
Mr.. VIM Z. Dodge, 10 presiIe," sale
DR. u .chos at the Cooper institute tn,
other night; the doctor, not being 1
reader of the newspapers, had failed t
hear of his death. This is not quite *
bad as the incident related of an emf
uent English nobleman who was pre-
siding at press dinner. He concluded
his few feeble remarks by proposing
the "health Of Gutenberg" SOmeon
pulled his coat tails and whispered tina
he was dead. " Iregret continued th
nobleman, to announce that intelli
gence has just been received that Gut
enburg is dead"