The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-02-01
ALL SORTS.
A landeau-a mortgaged farm.

BLOOD will tell" so be careful how
you make confdants of your relations.
Never do things by halves. That's
the way divorce court does business.
Speaking of rare coins, twenty dol
lar gold piece is rare enough with most
men.
Children are like boils. Everybody
knows how to take care Of those that be-
long to other people.
Man proposes, God disposes; but it
takes woman with her hair down to
be indisposed when anybody calls.
Jay Gould has just bought an acre in a
cemetery. Mr.. Could evidently means
to give his skeleton good start.
A Portland man who read at the end of
his friends marriage mo cards." sent
him euchre deck by the first mail.
soft answer may turn away wrath.
but it is far safer to trust to the legs in
case the other party is real mad.
The New Orleans Picayune finds fault
because "the moral Undertaken is al
ways wanting to bury the dead past.
A young woman who gave her hand to
gentleman of ninety years says that
dried fruit is much better than it looks.
A New York sculptor has just finished
large statue representing Slumber
1t is the first policeman ever done in
marble.
The gay Lothario recently shot in St.
Louis had been bank cashier. He did
not identify the lady's husband in time
to get away.
To rest we'll you mustn't dream. Tie
your brain in knot before going to bed
and put fat-iron on it to keep it from
turning over.
81 pla by ere" wrote st. Louis belle
to Chicago professor, who immediately
wrote her, saying that he believed she
also spelled that way.
Congress will soon be in session and
then the entire country will be angry be-
cause the law against killing game in
December also protects Congress.
A fresh young clergyman of the west
describes the United States as a 'coun-
try bounded on the north by an iceberg
and on the south by banana"
The Tartars consider small, fiat nose
sign of beauty. We suppose that to
look beautiful in that country the girls
starch and iron out their noses every
morning.
do boldly whatever you do at all, +"
is not safe rule to 80 by If the bust
ness on hand is the cancellation of the
bulldog in the front yard Of your girls
house.
Professor in physchology-"Can we
conceive of anything as being out of
time and still occupying space?" Student
(thoughtfully)-"Yes, sir; poor singer
in u chorus"
Just as soon as the Thermometer gets
below zero in the far northwest, saloon
keepers pay liberal wages to fat man to
sit on the whisky barrel to keep the con-
tents from freezing.
"Ah," mosned widow recently be-
reaved. "what misfortune! I know
what kind of husband have lost, but
how can I know what kind of a husband
his successor will be?"
Bill I'VE is not Mormon. He gives
out as his platform, lone country, one
flag and one wife" Bill says he 'has
never pinned to make the marriage reg
lister of his family bible look like hotel
register"
A Vermont legislator in introducing a
bill to make the sale or manufacture of
cigarettes misdemeanor, said: mo
one except a predestined, and fore-or-
dained fool would ever smoke cigar
ette."
Women are such queer creatures that
no man can understand them. Indeed
it has been generally conceded that the
only way to find woman out is to call
when she is not in.
In England beverage extensively
sold as GOOD Templar" champagne,
and used as temperance drink, contains
alcohol to the equivalent of % per cent
of proof spirits, which percentage is in
excess of the intox :cating properties Of
real champagne.
Bret Harte once wrote a poem for a
soap manufacturer, for which he was
paid an enormous sum, but though his
name was signed to it, no one believed
that he wrote it, so he got the money and
the soap man was only laughed at when
he paraded the authorship.
There are three dishes, it is said,
which, if put upon the bill of fare in a
London club, are devoured before all
else; so that at or o'clock, when most
members dine, there is nothing left of
them. These dishes are Irish stew, tripe
and onions and liver and bacon.
There is a general opinion that Dick
ems popularity is waning. 1t may be,
but within the twelve years that have
passed since his death about 1. 239 600 of
his works have been sold in England