The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-01-20
The Paragraph Fiend.

Il Bad movement on root-Slipping up.
q A maritime romance-A wedding.
5| Successful books--lhose bound to sell
i Protection OF home indus,ry-Lock or
) the pantry door.
i One half the world don't know how the
, other half-lies.
Gambe,ta was attended by seven doctors
His will power and constitution must have
been something wonderful.
"GambeI place cannot be filed" says
the New York Maj Why the editor OF
the HdG Objects to going abroad IL not
knowB.--Chtcago tribune.
i A New York paper says that 1.-The favor
ito calling cards this season will be very
plain" In Chicago three aces vii! con-
linuc IN favor-Ib.
| The Princess Louise says she doesn'. like
Canada. This would indicate that at some
period of her life the Princess had visited
that country,-Ib.
The Garfield monument fund Of Gin.
cinBati now amounts u $989977. The
arrival of somebody with three cent
stamp is anxiOusly awaited.-b.
An English explorer asserts that he has
found the Identical site of the Garden OF
Eden, but when be called aloud tor Adam
to show up. Adam wasn't in the show
business.
II IL estimated that only one man in \
hundred will make any effort to restore a
lost wallet unless i. is empty Of money. or
course, tho emo man Ia an editor.
According 10 q Washington dispatch,
"the Senate has passed bill for the relief
of tho whisky men," Why this Govern
ment should be called on to purchase
cloves Is not clear.
About the time boy begins to speak Of
his mother as the "old lady" is about the
time he 10 old enough to be killed.
Road Commissioner Hayes kept open
house at Fremont o., New Years Day.
II Is perhaps unnecessary to state that the
house was tho only things he did open on
that festal occasion.-Chicdoo Tribune.
A man hss been jailed q. Albion, N. Y.
who confesses 70 having been one of the
assasslns OF Lord Cavendish, Ia Dublin
Ireland. In May las. This lie tho tenth Of
the four murderers who has owned up.
The United States minis are absut to
coin new cent nickels. Of new design
larger and thinner than those now In cir
culation. What Is wanted, Is . nickel big
enough 70 pay for two three-cent cigars.
Life must be perfect desert to the
women of Salt Lake. What can they talk
abouts There's absolutely nothing q man
OF that city can do that is scandalous.-
Boston Post!
A party Of Italian scientists who recent
Iy explored Patagonia found In that coun-
try large numbers Of enormous human
craniums. There we're evidently no polo
or bicycle clubs In Patagonia,
There sprang leak In Neah's ark,
And then the dog began TO bark;
Noah took its uose to stop the hole,
Hence a dogs nose is always cold.
Humane Journal.
A man who holds his opera glass la both
hands, with his elbows sticking out ON
both sides, is preferable TO lady with q
big hat at the theater. You can kick the
man.-Ph,LIdolphia News
The feet of Chinese girls are no longer
crsmped to make them small. American
shoes lind market In China, and 1t has
been discovered that the French heel 10
torture enough,
The editor of Texas Greenbnck paper
adverliscs for wife who knows less than
he does. He Is probably Joking. No
body can possibly know less than the edi-
tor OF Grcenback paper Terds Syttngs
The Rev. Mr.. Grant, OF Poughkeepsie,
n. Y, has been dismissed from his pastor
ate for the reason, among Others, that he
had been seen I'm broad daylight sitting
beside his wife on sofa and eating from
1nc >An!a hnana with her" Another
charge was that -he put food 10 his mouth
with his knife"
The St. Louis PosLDispatoh, in reply to
correspondent who wants TO know the
exact dress for young man who desires
to call on his lady friends on New Year,
says, THE proper thing ~ a swallow tail
coat black. low Gu, veal, and black trou-
sers; whitc shirt studs white or black
neckue; fob chnin; gloves almost any color
but terra Gotta. Don't forget to black your
boots" The proper caper IN Ottawa Is 10
have on In addition clean SHIRT under the
I0wcut black vest.
The New York papers publish the fol-
owing dispatch illus,rsnve Of the exIsor-