The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-26
A SLIM BANQUET.
Mr. Spoopendyke Forgets Tha, I, is
 Wash Day.
Brooklyn Eagle


 Say, my dcar." whispered MT. Spoop- endyke. closing the door carefully and approaching his wife with broad glin on his visage. Say, my dear, Speckle- wottle's down stairs in the parlor. He has come to take dinner with us.'
 Great gracious!" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, dropping her work and hustling up to the glass to arrange her hair. "What did he come today for !! Don't he know it's wash day!"
 He came for dinner." retoned Mir. Spoopendyke. turning pale around the lips. What dye s'pose he came for, to be washed! What's wash day got to do with i,. Think the man can be soaked in tub and hung over clothes line with measly wooden pin astride the small of his back? We'll, he didn't, he came for grub, and you want to hustle around and get ii pretty lively for him, or I'll begin to serve up things myself be- fore long."
 But, my dear,' remonstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke, there's nothing in the house. The clothes"
 Then serve up the clothes roared MT. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for gotten ;he day of the week when he in- vited his friend. and now wanted his wife to get him out of the serape somehow. and at the same time not let him down with Specklewottle. lust put the clothes on platter and set 'em before him :. You can explain to him that we only ca, three times week, like a dog in hot weather. Ehat'll satisfy him, so long as he has clothes to eat :"
 "Yor don't imagine he would want to eat the clothes, do you.D asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, innocen,ly.
 lust try him." yelled Mir. Spoopen- dyke, enraged at the idea of being taken literally. Just try him and sling in some of the natural grace you always put on at the table! MT. Specklewottle. have some of this fricaseed petticoat p" and Mir. Spoopendyke held out the legs of his trousers as woman holds her skirts and waltsed around the room Mir. Specklewo,tle, have little of this night shirt. Now, Mir. Specklewottle, do try one of these fried socks and a slice of the pillow sham. Dear Mir. Specklewottle, pray let me help you to a piece of this shirt collar and a pair of stuffed cuffs made them myself, and though they are not as good as that's the way to do it.' continued Mir. Spoopenayke, sud- denly concluding his remarks with war whoop, and presenting himself before his wife all out of breath "Think you've got that bill of fare all right? See your way clear 10 d successful dinner party now!"
 There's some cold shad down stairs, and l think there's raw ham in the eel lar, ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke, re- garding her husband with startled look of inquiry, as if asking if he thought Specklewottle would mind the meat be- ing raw and the fish trifle cold II don't think he has anything at home on Mondays except cabbage and beans. Or perhaps he may have doughnu,s and pie she continued, hastily, seeing her husband swelling with retort. And I'm sure doughnuts and pie are good"
 That's what he wants v howled Mir. Spoopendyke. Bring forth the shad that froze to death in the house ofSpoop- endyke! Develop the measly banquet and le, joy be unconhned! Hain't ye got any more sense th4 In bunghole? Think I'm going to bring the aristocracy here to fatten on dead fish and live hogs How long are you going to let that man sit down stairs in state of starvation Where's that roast of beef brought home the other day.'
 ''l think we ate that all up the day il came home," sighed Ms. Spoopendyke. " Do you mean that roast with the queer little sticks in il ?"
 "The same,' replied Mir. Spoopendyke nerving himself for another ordeal. Did we ca; the sticks! Am l to understand that there is not one little dodgasted stick left of all that afiiuent luxuriousness Lift the impenetrable veil of obscurity oil the secluded bower of the shrinking sticks" he yelled, as it dawned on him that Specklewottle was in the parlor wait ing to be fed, and that the social problem was no nearer solution than when he started. Let us unravel the mystery that hangs like pail over the faAe of the unhappy sticks, that they may come forth and fructH Specklswottle," and in the excess of his emotion Mir. Spoopendyke gasped for breath, and resting his hands on his knees, looked as if he were inviting his wife to little game of leap frog.
 There's some lettuce in the house, and bought some ssrawberTies to-day, and ] could cook the steak had saved over for breakfast," murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, coming out triumphanty in the end, woman-hke. @And will put on my new wine colored satin, and we will give him nice supper"
 3Going to put that wine colored satin on the shad or the ham P howled Mir. Spoependyke. who had a mans idea that a dinner is not dinner until it's roasted. Think brought that man here at 6 o'clockin the afternoon to take breakfast 1? Got come kind of a notion that cold fish,