Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1883-04-07
Breaking Up a Love Match.

1880 w 'O"'ii0ot dIuS you We
got in stockY inquired young man
with enough court plaster, lint, and
cotton waste on his face and hands to
clean up locomotive ready for itsnext
run.
Cant sell no poison to suicides"
said the clerk. "Been in fght2"
"Pm no suicider, not much. Pm
just the lvelest man in the city,"
"Want to poison some rats, don't
your That's an old racket that won't
work in this emporium"
"No don't want to pizen rats.
But if you've got any triple extract of
strychnine or double concentrated es.
sence of arsenic, or threeply fly paper
soaked in corrosive ,sublimate, why |
want it. Pm laying for q goat, young
man. Ever see a mountain goat with
chin whiskers and big iron head?"
1--WE seen goat drawing boy in
little cart"
80, you've seen tame goat harness
ed to a little red wagon, have you;
well, he amt the goat Pm laying for.
Look at that ear. Big as six ears"
Here the plastered youth limped
around the end of the showcase to ex-
hiblt his principal scars and body
wounds. "See the ridge on that nose ?
Got to havea silver bridge put in there.
See that eye? Getting back into its
socket somewhat, but last night it laid
out on my cheek, and the doctor
thought one time that he coulden't per-
suade it to 60 back and sustain pleasant
relations with the other one. I've
mashed one of the handsomest girls
on the South Side. It's a regular love
match and her fathers as rich as river
mud, and he and | are having regu-
lar fight over her, or was having that
kind Of set to until he introduced
This goat into the battle and now its a
kind of a three.cornered duel, and so
Tar the goat is ahead. That's what |
want the dose for; l want to dose that
goat with something which will make
him lay down and gently kick his life
TO the soft shining of the evening breeze;
something that will curl him up like
dead leaf rafting in a fence corner.
The old man got thoroughbred Ell
glish bull dog when | first commenced
paying particular attention to his daugh-
ter, and it's many a night I've let 60 of
her hand and lit over the gate, partly
because | didn't have time to work the
combination lock, and partly because
wasn't acquainted with that branch of
the family, the dog; but it wasn't many
moons before crept into that dogs af-
fectlons, and he wouldn't bite me any
quicker than he would the old man
himself. Well, the old gent got into
the undue familiarity which he saw ex-
listed between me and the dog, and when
he couldn't seek him on to me any
more, and saw with pain that the dog
had rather outlived his usefulness, he
sent the critter out into the country,
and got this goat on to the place, and
there amt no two ways about it, one of
us has got to die, and by crimus! |
don't feel as though it ought to be me,
right in the prime of life and solid with
the girl. The girls justas anxious as |
am to assassinate the goat, as on one
or two different occasions the sportive
animal has boosted he up over the
bushes and up the front
steps quicker than she intended. You
cant watch out for him, for he don't
stay on the ground much, and is lust
as likely to come for you off the wood.
shed or the roof of the porch as he is
to sneak up in the rear and shoot YOU
along the gravel path with your nose
throwing subsoil like a snow pillow.
| believe that goat crawls all over the
outside of the house and climbs trees.
lie has dropped me sometimes in my
tenderest and most emotional moments
moments when | was burning with
nloquence, and l had to lay there and
kick and swear, knocked out and par.
alyzed by the old mans goat. Well
that goat will eat anything from quail
on toast to a weeks washing, and if you
Just do me up a couple of pounds of
pure strychnine I'll invite him to a
picnic which will shatter his nervous
system and turn him into a ghost"
Jackson Wing: Mr.. j. M. Winstead,
4 TIL IN nh