The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-08-16
WIT AND HUMoR.

n cruel husband Calls MS VIE green
huit," because she never agrees with
him.
A new novel is named ''One Word"
1t is unnecessary to state that the au-
ahor is man.
Cynical Spanish proverb that, after
all, may not be without some Justice:
"a woman's tears cost little but bring
her much!'
Rhode Island wants law against
snoring. They think it's all wrong that
one man should disturb the whole
State.
A New Yorker calls Chicago an "out-
lying town." The title may be de-
served, but there are number of towns
in the west that can outlie it.
Professor was lecturing on "After
Man-What?" A listener remarked
that it was generally 'the sheriff, or
some other woman"
James New. of Norwich. named his
tirst-born Something; it was Something
New. The next he called Nothing; it
being Nothing New.
A now book of travel has just been is
sued entitled Travels with Donkey"
All, ha? Somebody has been taking
jaunt with Oscar Wilde.
Forty suits for damages are all ready
TO open out against the big Brooklyn
bridge. That is right. The bridge was
built to support the people.
A daring robbery was accomplished
on Main street yesterday in broad day
light. A Harmony township farmer
had three photographs taken.
II IL cold fhaf Mr. T0hr C,,n:,1o,,
cant fight any more than five or six
rounds. 1t might also be said in this
connection that Mr.. John L. Sullivan
doesn't have to.
An impetuous youth in Indiana, with
the appropriate name of Goslin, saw a
girl at church, wooed her there FOR two
hours, and at the end of the third hour
had married her.
They are making a chain at Troy six
miles long. This will give some young
man chance to wear four watch
chains across his vest and beat the
double chain chaps clear out Of sight
There are over $1,000 lawyers in the
United States, and the Drummer is not
nearly so much surprised that truth
should be crushed to earth as that it |
should rise again.
1t takes but thirteen minutes to lead
an elephant on a train, while it takes
twenty for any sort of woman to kiss
her friends good-by and lose the check
for her trunk. -
Loss of sleep, it is said, is making |
mon small and puny. That is fact. Just
look at the difference in the physique OF |
a delicate scholar and the robust night |
policemen. /
Foote, being once annoyed by a poor
fiddler straining harsh discords under
his window, sent him q shilling, with |
the request ''that he would play else
where, as one scraper at the door was
sufficient"
1t is asserted that chopping off dogs
tail will seriously impair his eye-sight
Some folks may believe it, but you can't
talk that nonsense to a chap who has
been sighted in a melon-patch by bob
tailed dog forty rods away.
Said the citizen of the country town,
whose house was afire: "For heavens
sake get the two fire companies to fight
ing and then we may be able to save
something. If they get in here they'll
destroy everything"
An English servant girl, who had re-
turned from the United States to visit |
her friends at home, was told that she |
s'looked really aristocratic." To which |
she Responded: "Yes, in America all of |
MS domestics belong to the hire class"
A new animal has been discovered in
Oregon. 1t smells like polecat, barks
like fox, climbs like squirrel, and
eats anything from an innocent baby to
a hardened old bedquilt left out on the
line.
The principal Of a Massachusetts in |
land academy saw fit to expel one of his |
boys, who then wrote hometo his father |
in justification of his course: II got ex-
PEELED for riding with the girls, but |
took the neatest, cleanest, prettiest girl |
there was in town."
A Philadelphia girl complains that |
she got into such chill while out |
sleighing last winter that she has been |
in poor health ever since. Experience !
teaches dear school. Next time she |
will know enough not to go sleighriding |
with her own brother.
Il detest slang phrases" said an old |
lady to the pastor. especially when |
nsed by women. Why, the other day L |
heard a girl say that she had flirted |
with fellow, and made mash. She |
thought didn't know what she meant,
but tumbled to it. all the same"
"Pa, did You hear that report that
got out last night?' what report, my
sonp'' The report of a pistol" The
old man was arrested for chasing the
boy with hatchet. but was discharged
when the facts were made known with
the advice to kill him next time.
II like company well enough said
Mrs. Planetung; ''but I'm not going to
put myself out too much. / believe in.
looking after ones own comfort first" "
7 THAT is to say" remarked Fogg, that
You follow the custom of the shop sign |
and put your company last"
The average young lady wants at
least four feet of seat in a street car for |
a ride of six blocks, but she will ride
half a day. Sunday squeezed into bug
gy-seat beside her young man and not
find the least fault. Why are they SO
Inconsistent?
Upon reaching Newport the Princess
Louise found that the hotel accommo-
dations we're not sufficiently stylish to
suit daughter of Ehgland's Queen, but |
the landlords all say that if she had
given them two days notice they would |
have painted British flag on the back
of every cockroach.
Some clever young ladies have in
vented a new plan for securing hus-
bands. They go out boating with the |
man of their choice, contriYe 10 upset |
the boat, and then grab him and save |
his life. The victim, in the first burst |
of gratitude and admiration, generally |
makes the desired proposal to his hero. |
ic preserver.
The secretary of the navy is going to
sell score or two of condemned gov
ernment vessels. II Mrs. Toodles is
partial to bric-a-brac, here is a splendid
opportunity to add few articles Of
..bigotry and virtue to her collection.
And how handy It would be 10 have
few old gunboats in the house! Z :
The keeper of New York prison |
charUes prisoners fifteen dollars a week 1