The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-01-19
TOBACCO.
RATES OF FREIGHT.
Mark Twain Vex6d.

Somebody was asking Hartford
man how it happened that Mark Twain
wrote and published so little nowadays
He writes rs much as ever, was the
reply, "but his barometer is out of order,
and he does not know what To publish.
So he publishes nothing"
What in the world has his barome-
ter to do with his literary actiyity?'
His barometer is man-servant
named Jacob, who is remarkable for
his deficient sense of humor Mark
never can Judge of the merit of his own
performances. Years ago he fell into
the habit of testing everything he wrote
by observing its effect on Jacob. 1t
Jacob listened to the reading Of the art
icle, Jest or story with unmoved coun-
tenance, or merely smiled in perfume
tory way, Mark was satisfied and sent
the manuscript to the printer. But il
Jacob laughed outright, or gave any
other indication Of genuine merriment,
the humorist concluded that the stuff
was hopeless and withheld it from pub
location. He regarded Jacob as infalli-
bic aud came 70 lean upon his judg-
mcut.
About three years ago, il appears,
Jacob learned for the first time from
some outsider that his master was a
professional humorist He felt greatly
honored that he should have been
chosen hsbtualiy to enjoy the first
freshness of every new production OF
genius. He did not exactly under
stand why he should have been thus
chosen, but felt in a vague way that
great bumorist must need sympathy
and appreciation, and must naturally
look for it to the fcllow-being nearest at
hand He also felt that he had perhaps
failed 10 be at All times sufficiently ap-
preciatige SoJacob kept bis discovery
10 himself as far a. his master was con-
cernci, and resolved TO be rs apprecia-
tive in the future rs anybody could de-
sire.
"Onc day Mark called Jacob in aud
read him a sketch entitled Tho Cow
and the Lightuing-rod man In COM
posing it Mark had fattcred himself
that lie bad struck pretty tine streak.
TO his amalemeut Jacob put back his
head aud roared. With halt-suppress-
ed ejaculation, Mark dashed the man
nscript in the wastc-psper basket.
Then Mark waited six weeks or two
months to collect his forces (for he is
never precipitate in anything he does),
and achieved romance called How |
Bounce the Baby He summoned ia
cab and watched his face with obvious
anxiety as he read the touching nara
tive. Jacobs mirth was painful to OBJ
serve. Mark tore up the story and then
tore his hair
Two or three experiments OF this
sort, with unvarying results, persuaded
Mark Twain TINT the malaria, which no
has becu dreading ever since it began
to creep up the Connecticut Valley. had
reached him at last and destroyed his
powers Of usefulness. He fell into q
settled melancholy. His friend the
Rev Mr.. Twichell, tried in vain to
cheer him up. Perhaps suggested
Twichel your man has really cultivat-
ed sense of humor, so that you must
no longer Judge by opposites. Mark
bhOOh Ms HtdNl' dIb Dpl lOHth a NcAhihN
OF Jonathan Edwards sermons from
his friends library, lie copied out a
long passage from the discourse on eter.
nal punishment and palmed it off on
Jacob as his own latest effort. For the
first time in history the gloomy periods
provoked peals Of laughter. Jacob
held his sides, and shook all over. Then
he suddenly stopped bis countenance
became blank, turned pale, and he in
continently fled. He had seen murder
in his master eye.
That said the Hartford man, in
conclusion, lis why Mark Twain does
not write He hung his reputation as q
lumorist upon his barometer, and his
barometer no longer works. Rilddel-