The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1883-06-29
NUMBER 26.

"'a"' h''ic topheavy, says the New York
World, rushed iutoa Sixth avenuc telc-
graph Office, seized telegraph blank
aud stub pen with ball of dried ink ON
the end and, by proppiog himself against
the counter, managed to write the following
mcssagc
"katc /: I won't be home till morning.
HARRY"
Whatli that cost ?' said the man, hand.
ing the message through the portfolio to the
manipulator of electricity.
LET mo see : Seven wcrdS-15 cents"
"Fifteeu, ch How much for ten words ?''
"Ihe same price; anything not cxcccd>
ing ten will cost you Is cents to any ad-
dress in this city," answers the operator,
making spring to muzzc an instrument
that was sputtcring as if it had dclirium
trcmcns.
"l'm. bound to have the worth of nv
money out Of your corporation, thcp," said
the man, braciug himself against the coun-
ter as he traced on blank this clear me-
sage:
"lncomprehcnsibility, manufacturers,
transccndentalism, ConstaEtiuoplo, concavo-
co lvex, Massachusetts, assassination Penn
sylvan'a, impccturbability, philoprogenitivc-
ness"
"There, string that on your wire and
send her at 2.40 gait" said the man, with
a look Of vcpgcance.in his eye.
The operator counted the words, but VOL.
untecrcd the information that there was no
sense in the message, and that the diction--
ary must have been ransacked for the longest
words.
IL know there's no sense in it. but Kate'lI
understand it all the same. She'll know
I'm on drunk anyway when send mes.
sage at this hour, whether it's souse or not
l made 'em long, on purposesto break tho
back Of your darncd machine Shovel EN-
in and start the crank I'm in for a good
time. Never mind tho expense. Here's
your Is cents" And the man ran out
and hailed passing cab.
TIE BAD Boy IN NEW RoLE.-"Say,
did tell you about pa and ma having
trouble ?" said tho bad boy to tho grocery
man. ~ -
mo, what's the row
.syyeli, sou 500, ma wants to ooonomizc
/ all sli c1.i, and PA mas pecU gccCl.s5 thin
ner since he quit drinking and reformed,
and L have kept on growing until am big
ger than he is. Funny, amt it, that boy
should be bigger than his pa? Pa wanted
a new suit of clothes, and ma said she would
fix him, and so she took one of my old
suits and made it over for pa, and he wore
them week before he knew it WIS an old
suit made over, but one day he found
handful Of dried up angle-worms in the
pistol pocket that had forgot when l was
fishing. and pa laid tho anglc-worms to ma
and ma had to explain that she made over
one Of my old suits for pa. lie was mad and
took them off and threw them out tho back
window, and swore he would rcvcr humil-
late himselfby wearing his sons old clothes.
Ma tried TO reason with him, but no was
awful worked up and said he was no old
charity hospital. and he stormcd around to
fiud his old suit Of clothes, but ma had sold
them to PLASTER of paris image pcddlcr,
and pa hadn't anything to wear, and he
wanted ma to so out in the alley and pick
up the suit he threw out tho window, but
the rag man had picked them up and was
going away, and pa he grabbed linen
duster and put it on and went out after tho
gagpicker, and be run and pa after him, and
the rag man told policeman there was an
escaped lunatic from the asylum, and he
was chasing people all Owe the city,
and the policeman took pa by the
linen ulster and pulled it off, and he was
sight when they took him to the police
station. Me and me had to 60 down and
bail him out, and the police len. us tar>
paulln to put over pa, and we got him
home, aud he is wearing his summer pants
while the tailor makes him new pair Of
clothes think pa is too cxcitablc and
too particular. | never kicked on wearing
pas old clothes, and think ho ousht to
wear mine now. Well, must 80 down to
the swectcned wind factory and jerk Soda"
and the boy went out and hung up sign
in front of the store "spinago for greens,
that the cat has made nest of over Sun~
day."-PccI's Sun.
The busy bee is held up as an example
OF industry to the boys, yet what terrible
example hr is. If boys wero like bees you