The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-05-18
HUM0R OF THE DAY.


An early SIP ing-Jumping out of
bed at 5.3O A.. M.-SVing.
Should music b. sold by the chord?
Drum music might be sold by the
pound.
ANY raw recruit can write about
fla e by preparing an essay on cheek.
-NeU York NeUs.
81 wouldn't mind going up so high"
said the hotel guest, eff the bill was
not made out in the same way"
From the way in which the bruisers
stick to their business, it is evident
that this is the muscle-age.-Yonkers
Gazette.
Pugilists are generally considered
plucky fellows, but none of them get
through with a sparring match with
out feinting.-BOSton Commercial.
Let those who fish with patent flies
The small boys bait of worms despise;
The chances are as ten to one
The small boy has the grea' est fun.
~-itehmond Baton.
The mill owner who turned the fire
hose upon one of his disorderly emt
ployes explained his conduct by say
ing that he was only wa hing his
hands.
Teacher: "Can you tell me which
is the olfactory organ?' Pupil
frankly answers: "No, sir" Teacher:
Correct" Pupil goes off in a brown
study.-BoSton Transcript.
Mulcahy says the statement that
Roach's ship is the first iron vessel
lannchaI in pnor;aa T., N ,,;,t,1-o o.
Mrs. Mulchay frequently launches iron
vessels at him.-Boston Bulletin.
Mrs. Spaggins was Boosting of her
new house. The windows, she said,
were stained. That's too bad; but
won't turpentine or benzine wash it
off :" asked the good Mrs. Oldboy.-
burlington HaWkeye.
No matter how glad
Man may be, he is sad
And angry and mad
When the bone of the shad
Makes him wish that he had
Ordered liver, bedad. Puck.
"What can a boy do?" asks an ex-
change. We are just Yankee enough
to answer by asking another: What
can't a boy do?" Parents who have
brought up male offspring will at once
see the force of the reply-LowH
citizen.
A young lover in Iowa paid $40 for
/ locomotive to run him thirty-fve
miles to see his girl, and when he got
there the family bulldog ran him two
niles and didn't charge him a cent.
Corporations have no souIs.-Du.uth
Ifibune.
Much of the trouble in married life
originates in disputing who shall carry
the pocketbook. \ young Philadel-
phia husband got around this trouble
by letting his wife carry the pocket
book while he kept the money
ChrOnicle-Herald.
A young lawyer appeared before a
Washington judge with his umbrella
under his arm and his hat on, and in
his agitation he forgot to lay either
ASIDE when he began speaking.
Hadn't you better raise your UNI
brella?" the court kindly suggested
Baltimore Necs.
"Bjornstjerne Bjornson, the Norwe-l
gian poet, is soon to visit London
Bjorn tjerne could have a good deal of
Jun now IL lie only knew IL. lie cOuluI
have his name printed on cards and Girl
culated through the streets of London
Thefrightened inhabitants would think
it a Fenian cipher dispatch, and it'll
would create a panic.-Puck.
Father" said Johnnie, this paper|
says that many prominent citizens
are now i'll with pneumonia and KIM
dred Diseases What is a kindred dis1
ease, father?' "Why, my son." said
Smithly, "a kindred disease isis
why-yes, yes a kindred disease Isl
one that runs through an entire family
kindred, relatives, you know. Sur1