The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-08-15
Home Summer Resorts.

Where are you going to spend
the summer ?" said prominent cit
izen.
"Well, l have not made up my
mind" said the second prominent
citizen. Il have been talking it
over with my wife, and we have
about concluded to fix up the house
rs summer resort, and stay at
home. She thinks she can take d
hatchet and break some of the
springs OF the bed, and shorten up
the bed Stats SO they will tall down,
and put some old cabbage stumps
in the mattress. and can make the
bed about as uncomfortable as the
one we mad at a summer hotel last
summer at S4 a day apiece. But she
has got to have a fire IN the room ali
summer to make the room as bot as
our hotel room was, because our
house is so near Lake Michigan that
II is disgustingly cool during the
summer"
That may do for a starter for a
summer resort, said the other prom
inent citizen, but she will want TO
tamper with the broiler so it viii
burn one side of beefsteak and
leave the other raw, and she viii
have 10 instruct her cook how 10
make biscuit so hard outside that
you can strike a flint Oh them, and
soft inside"
On, she can arrange that all
right" said the other. But she Is
going to have hard time to train
our servants to make good Imitation
summer resort servants Of them. l
tell her she wants 10 tram them so
they Will do nothing without being
paid half q dollar. l have got the
chambermaid so that she Will not
make up the bed in my wife's room
until all the other beds are made
unless she gives the girl quarter,
and my wife says it seems real nat
ural. | have instructed the man who
answers the bell not to come up for
three-quarters OF an hour after we
ring, and to always bring a pitcher
vi lce-water, the way they do at sum
mer hotels. Did you ever notice
that beli-boy at a summer motel
al ways brings ice-water when you
ring? He thinks that the chances
are when the bell rings that the
guest wants a pitcher OF ice water.
and he takes it along so he Wiii not
have to make another trip, and when
he finds you want something else he
looks mad and sets the pitcher
down, and seems to think you are
q fraud because the other nine pitch
ers of ice-water he has brought you
are enough. Then we have got to
borrow lot of trunks, so the porter
can get the wrong trunk in our room,
and we have got to get in the habit
OF going down to the lake and pay
ing dollar an hour for an old boat
that never cost three dollars when IL
was new. l am having a bar fixed
up IN the barn, and shall make the
family pay TWO shillings a glass for
lemonade that has a pint of water, a
pinch of acid, a little sugar, and a
strawberry that looks as though it
had been ground under boot-heel.
| think | am getting the thing down
fine. Come over and see Us from
your hot and dusty residence on the
West Side, and we will make you
tired in about two days"
"Ch, | am fixed. | am going to
take blanket and 20 out to the glue
factory and lay off this summer and
catch suckers in the Menominee. and
fight mosquitoes, said the other citi-
zen, ''and charge myself 81 a day. |
tell you, man can summer resort
right here at home, and have all the
discomforts, and get just as mad, as
he can go to Saratoga or Long
Branch, and the two citizens went
out.-Detroit Free Press.