Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-14
WHY HE CHEWED.
Fun in Boston street-Car.


She was large and fashy and coarse,
and more than all these, she was fat.
When she entered a Highland ear, says
the Boston Globe, all the passengers
looked at her, and fell to reckoning up
the profits of a travelling show with her
as leading attraction. In less than
five minutes every inmate but one had
made himself retired millionaire, and
was sitting on the piazza of his country
residence smoking 5O-cent cigars by the
mile. This one exception sat opposite
the leading attraction and chewed to-
bacco, with look of heavenly resigna-
ton on his face, such as school-boys who
are having their mlk-teeth extracted are
supposed to wear as an exclusive.
Among that carload of awe-struck NOR
tails he sat and chewed the cud of mar
cotic content and spat upon the rug, a
living embodiment of the great and only
undaZzled.
The leading attraction gathered her
skirts around her and cast look at him
that would have gone through cow
hide boot and two pair of stockings and
withered cork leg.
Everybody expected to see him shrivel
to mummy, but he didn't even wilt
he only chewed aud smiled.
Fellow" said she, you chew to-
bacco?"
He nodded.
Why do you spit in my presence"
Because my mouth is full"
I'll not endure it; FL call the con-
ductor"
pray don't disturb yourself; if mad
am wishes to get off shall be pleased
to stop the car"
She looked gatling guns and dyna-,
mite at him, but said nothing. He
spoke again, and she did not signal the
conductor; she sat still and heard him:
IF madam Will listen I shall be
pleased to tell her why I am obliged to
indulge in this habit that is so hateful
to her. I do it to escape worse-in-
deed, much worse fate; madam, as
you are now, so once was T."
She stared and said What do you
mean?"
II was obese"
She looked scornful.
Il was polysarceus."
She looked interested.
L was, say, slnquescent.
She was fascinated.
In other words: I was fat"
And mad was no name for how she
looked. She tried to catch the con-
ductors eye, but he was busy staring at
some girls in window on Washington
street and did not see her; she made a
frantic effort to get up, but the car was
in motion and she was obliged to listen.
Yes, madam, was almost as bad off
as you are now. Like you, ate chalk
and drank vinegar; took arsenic and
belladonna in large doses, but they did
me no good, and in few years I should
have been as fleshy as you are, if I had
not got relief from tobacco. Every time
1 entered street-car they called for
another horse; my picture was stuck up
III all the local fairs, and labeled The
Prize Porker'; the soap boy used to
yell grease an extra half hour under
my window every morning, and one
time, when [ was sick, the boss of an
oleomargarine factory called upon my
wife, and tried to get mortgage on
my remains. He said he had promise
of yours, and if he could only get
claim on mine, all the associated cream
cries might go to-hello! must you go
SO soon? Well, good-by. Take MY
advice and go to chewing It will help
you when everything else fails"
The great undazzled put in another
quid and looked dreamily out on the
common, and four old maids, with paper
parcels and band-boxes, came in and
occupied the seat left vacant by the
leading attraction.