River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-05-31
Wash-day at SpOOpendyke'sD
A Slim banquet.
= ? - = = =" 4 ." "
From the BROOKLYN EAGLE.

From the Brooklyn Eagle.
"Say, my DEAR" whispered Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, closing the door carefully and
approaching his wife with broad grin
on his visage Say. my dear, Speck.e-
wottle's down stairs in the parlor. He
has come to take dinner with usr'
"Great gracious!" exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and
busting up ID the glass to arrange her,
hair "What did he come to-day for!
Don't he know it's wash day?"
''He came for dinner" retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, turning pale around the
lips. What do you s'poSe he came for,
to be washed? What's wash day got to
do with it? Think this man can be
soaked in a tub aud hung over the
Clothes line with meas.ey wooden pin
astride the small of hfs back? Well, he
didn't. he came for grub, and you want
to hustle around and get it pretty lively
for him, or FL begin to serve up things
myself before longW
''But, my dear" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, there's nothing in the
housei The clothes"
"Then serve up the clothes!" roared
Mr. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for
gotten the day of the week when he in
vited his friend, and now wanted his
wife to get him out of the scrape some
how, and at The same time not let him
down with Specklewottle. Just put the
clothes on a platter and set 'em before
him. You can explain TO him that we
only eat three times a week, like a dog
in hot weather. That'll satisfy him, so
L ~ ~
You don't imagine he would want to
eat the clothes, do you?" ASKED Mrs.
Spoopendyke, innocently.
"Just try him." yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, enraged at the idea OF being taken
literally. Gust try him, and sling in
some Of the natural grace YOU always
put on at the table. "Sprccklewottle do
try one of these fried socks, and slice
OF this pillow sham! Dear Mr.. Speckle-
wottle. pray let me help you to piece
of this shirt collar and pair of stuffed
cuffs | made them myself, and though
they are NOT as goo Ia So that's the way
to do it, continued Mr.. Spoopendyke,
suddenly concluding his remark with a
war whoop, and pre- senting himself be-
fore his wife all out OF breath. Think
you've got that bin Of fare all right?
See your way to a successful dinner par
ty nowY
There's some cold shad down stairs,
and think there is a raw ham in the
cellar" rumnated Mrs. Spoopendyke,
regarding her husband with startled
look of inquiry, as ifasking il ethought
Specklewottle would mind the meat be-
ing raw and the fish trifle cold. II
don't think he has any thing home on
Monday except cabbage and beans. Or
l.. 4 i. ~
pie she continued, hastily, seeing her
husband swelling with a retort. "And
Pm sure doughputs and pie are good"
That's what he wantsp' howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Bring forth the shad
that iroze to death in the house ofSpoop-
endyke Produce the ham with the
crumpled horn that MIXED the shad that
froze to death in the house of Spoopen-
dykei Develop the measly banquet and
let Joy be unconfned! Amt We got any
more sense than bung hole? Think I'm
going to bring the aristocracy here to
fatten on dead fish and live hogs? How
long are you going to let that man sill
down stairs in q state of starvationi
Where's that roast of beef | brought
home the other day?
81 think we ate that all up the day il
came home" sighed Mrs. Spookendyke
"Do you mean that roast with the queer
little sticks in it?'
''The same" replied Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, ne1ying himself for another or
deal. 'tDid we eat the sticks? Am | tC
understand that there is not one little
dodgasted stick left of all that affluviant
luxuriousness? Lift the impenetrable
veil of obscurIty off the secluded bower
of the shrinking sticks" he yelled, as il
i 4 IL i.,st II
was in the parlor, waiting to be fed, ano
that the social problem was no nearer
solution than when he started ''Let us
unravel the mystery that hangs like {
pail over the fate of the unhappy sticks
that they may come forth and fructify
Specklewottle," and in the excess of his
emotion Mr.. spoopendyke gasped fo
breath, and resting his hands on hi:
knees, looked as if he were inviting hi
wife TO Il little game OF ieap-frog.
There's some lettuce in the house
and ] bought some strawberries to-day
and | could cook the steak | had saved
over for breakfast" murmured Mrs
Spoopendyke, coming ont trump hantly
in the end, womanlike. "And
will put on my new wine coloret
satin, and we will give him nice sup
per-"
"Going to put the wine-colored satii
on the sha or the sham?" howIed Nh
Spoopendvke, who had mans idea
that a dinner is not a dinner until 1t Is
roasted. "Think | brought that man
here at six o'clock in the afternoon tc
take breakfast? Got some kind no.
ton that cold fish, raw ham, wormy let
tuce, green strawberries and fried COW
are going to satisfy the cravings ola mar
who has Just won a bet of a dinner on
=" but here Mr.. Spoopendyke stopped
short, The last revelation was uainten'
tional
"Was it bet dear?" asked Mrs. Suop'
endyke, opening her ey, 5 with astonish
ment. did YOU bring Mr.. Specklewot-
tie home here on a BET? If had known
that and you had given the time, |
would have had nice supper for you
don't suppoge that he would care for a
cold meai under the circumstances.
-ealiy think
THAT settles It." souealed Mr. Spoop-
enoy lle, mad Mt himself for what he had
divulgei, and angrier still as he saw thai
he must explain to Specklewottle how
he was fixed. when you commence
to think the free list IS entirely suspend
ed. Some day wien ! catch y1u think
ing, Pm going to drive spiggOt in your
head and advertise science on tap; book
science a dime extra; free lunch from
ii to |"
Aad with this prospectus Mr.. Spoopen
dyke dashed down stairs and explained
to Mr.. Speck lewottle that, owing to Mrs
Spoopendyke having severe headache
they had better postpone the dinner oil
90 to a restaurant.
81 don't care" murmured Mrs
Spoopendyke, drawing paper of candle
from an upper bureau drawer. 81 dom
care; it must have been very importan
thing to bet on, when cold shad warmed
over and nice beefsteak isn't good enough
to paw it, Anyway, he'll be glad of
for breakfast, and the next time ht
brings man here to dinner he'll picl
out some other day than Monday
Though | expect that Mr.. Speck lewotll,
will 90 home and tell his wife that h,
don't have anything to eat here from ont
weeks end to the other. Anyhow, SIN
ows me a call, and | hear that the dress
maker disappointed herall last week, 81
she won't pay much attention to what b,
does sayr' and Mrs. Spoopendyke wen
down to her supper of straw berries ant
with Specklewottle in fllets of beef anC
yellow Cliquot.
Census of Trees.
A curious census of the trees in Wash
ington has just been completed. Il
shows there are to-day in the capital o
the republic nearly one hundred ant