Arizona weekly citizen., 1883-08-11
Ladies, HHmOr.

Charle. quite outwltted: She leaned her head upon his shoulder and sad, ID her most Insinuating tone: Charley. dear. I've heard so much about dudes want you get me one" Charley smiled at her innocence, but resolved to humOr 1t. Would you prefer a French dude?" he asked. .I think moi" she answered, confirming eoyly. How would q Gt r. man dude suit?" T don't think it would suit at all. don't understand German" Well, what shall 1t be, thenY It was her turn to smile as she said, with an arch look: "A Yankee dude Il do.'
 A maiden aunt of a Brooklyn man, who tells the story, has 10 patience with anything that can not be turned to some useful account. She wastes DO time herself and cannot see why those around her should waste any. The other day she said to her nephew, the Brooklyn man, when he returned from hls office; John, see that inc gentleman nexi door Is a great smoker. wonder whether he would mind coming over into our garden and smoking III our rOse-bushes to kill the caterpIllars that are destroy ing the buds? Would you just as leave ask himE
 "Mr. Blifkins, do wish you would give up that abominable practice of punning," said the good lady to her old man at breakfast, one morning. "1ou don't like punning, my dear:" said old B, with affected surprise. You know very well that I don't. I'd rather have a hedge hog in the house than pun ster." Il see" said the incorrigible brute: "Hedgehog, eh? H'm-hog. Ah, yes,-It's for pork-you-pine." and he slipped under his end of the table, but not Tn time to dodge the missile. The doctor said he was a pitiable spectacle.
 "Now I lay me down to sleep, pray the Lord my soul 10 keep" slespily re- peated a little Dracut girl after her mother one night not long ago. Then she stopped. tiff - her mother suggested. The little one hesitated a moment, half opened her heavy eyelids, and then continued. pausing long be- tween the words: "If l had R-cow that gave such--mlk-Fd dress her-in -the-finest silk. Amen
 Mrs. Jones, head of the house, filling out census returns: "rhe impudence Of such a question. MT. Jones, listen to this. This paper says, state the mum Der of idiots in family, If any. Mir. Jones, Dursing baby: "Mark down 'One' on the idiot column, my dear Mrs. J.; "What do you mean, Mir. JonesY Mir. J.: Didn't 1 deliberately marry you, Mrs Jones?" Mrs. l.: "Yes." NIT. J.: Well"
 "I wish was on a desert island" ex- claimed Mrs A., who had been annoyed by gossipping neighbors: ''I wish l wa on a desert island, where there wouldn't be anybody to talk about you" "But, my dear" replied NIT. A., "you must re- member there wouldn't be anybody to talk about, either" Mrs. A. said she hadn't thought about that, and conclud- ed that desert island might not be go pleasant after all.
 "I was at the theater last night said Clara, "and what do you think: Charley Norris WAS there, in the very next seat to me-" Was he:" replied Mary. "Dld he favor you with any of his long sto- ries?" "Oh, no" said Clara; "he hadn't much to say to me; he talked most of the tune to the young lady with him 'I see" sad Mary; "he gave her tongue and you cold shoulder"
 'Your mother comin| exclaimed Snitherh, Whyi they sa! tue uIu haiIs couldn't live with her" But" replied Mrs s. in her most taunting manner. 'you will try to tor my sake, won't yous Charley?'
 "No," said Mrs. McGill, we didn't celebrate All Fools day at our house. The squire never pays any attention to legal hollow days: and as for me, feel just as foolish one day as another"
 "I know," said little girl to her elder sisters young man at the supper tab.', 'that you will join our society for the protection of little birds, because nam ma says you are very fond Of larks."