Milford chronicle., 1883-12-28
WIT AND WISDOM.

DIE ueSlecIs ner neafb VINO stud1ei
her glass.
| I CONSIDER that man to be undone
who is insensible to shame.
THE generous heart should scorn q
pleasure which gives others pain.
A MACHINE for pressing hops has re-
Gently been invented. America is the
home of the hop-pressed.
No ACTION will be considered as
blameless unless the will was so, for by
the will the act was dictated.
THEY who do speak i'll of themselves,
do so mostly as the surest way of proving
how modest and candid they are.
IT is very bad taste for a wife to
growl at her husband for tracking mud
into the house, for "what is home with
out its mudder?"
WHEN asked what she had for dinner,
she replied "cold tongue" And he
judged, by her manner, that there would
be some of it left for supper.
LOOK upon Incidence as a sort of
suicide for the man is efficiently de-
stroyed, though the appetite of the
brute may survive.
A YOUNG pigs sides should not bulge
out; it is a sign of over-feeding. If
you are a boarding house keeper, paste
this on your dinner plates.
''LoNeFEn1ow said, In the world a
man must be either anvil or hammer
He was wrong, however. Lots of men
are nothing but bellows"
DARwN1AN theory: There is a boy
in Norristown who ''sprang from a
monkey" The monkey belonged to an
organ grinder and attempted to bite the
NorristoaUa Herald.
A New YORK man has asked for di-
vorce because a mustache is sprouting
on his wife's lip. AS a rule, it makes a
man mad to have any mustache on his
wifes lip but his own.
WHEN wild Western editor advises
the girls not to chew gum, but to have a
little gum shun about them, the art of
punning reaches a point where it be-
comes useful as well as ornamental.
THE Japanese never wear shoes in the
house. This is a great saving on their
carpets. But then they have no car
pets. So we don't know just what good |
there is in this no shoe business after all.
The young man who pays $50 for
suit of clothes is always ready to bor-
row the money from another man who
pays 500 a suit. There's moral in this,
boys.
SINCERITY is an opening of the heart.
We find it in very few people and that
which we generally see is nothing but a
subtle dissimulation to attract the con-
idence of others.
ANENT recent defalcations, an ex-
change says: ''The cry is still that
which fell gratefully on the ears Of the
lying general: They run, they run ?
md if anybody asks, who runs Q like
Wolfe, the answer is, THE secretaries
nd the cashiers. ,"
In going through a tunnel it is real
nean for a passenger to kiss the back
f his hand with a loud, resounding
mack. When daylight is reached it
auses the other passengers to eye each
ther with painful earnestness and dire
uspicion.
''FATHER, " said bright lad ''I think
II become minister when I grow up.
What puts that idea in your head, my I
oy?" asked the astonished parent. a
Because, dad, notice that ma always I
ills a chicken whenever the minister
sts here.
A sHABBILY dressed woman called !
pom one of our citizens for aid, claim !
g that she was in a starving condition. -,
he citizen looked upon her plethoric " "
rm, estimating the avoirdupois of the p
lperfuous fat, and answered, ''You P
mt look like starving woman. 'I
low it, )" she whiningly answered, ''I'm -
Dated with grief.
"YEs," said Mrs. Blank, in her So r
'anoest accents, '9when you used to call !
e your love- fore we were married, [ =
tie knew what you meant when you
id that your love should always be
But 1 have been change q
IS. sure enough" It is suspected that p1