The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1883-04-26
HUMOROUS.

Woman'S douyh-main--lne:k :kllchsL :kllchsLl g
The Oil City blizzard supposes that
Macluff was a hen, because he was
told.to lay on.
Hoods "Song of the Shir. was
originally played by the wrist band
NeD York Neacs.
in spite of the electric boom gas 3
continues to be no light matter tlen 3
the bill comes iIL. a es
A woman can make no mistake In
marrying an editor. She is sure Of
getting the write man. IS
Oscar Wilde says that he feeds on
himself. He must be fond OF Wind
pudding. Troy Times.
We frequently hear the expression
"bee in bonnet" Who ever saw
bonnet without a B in it2-Bostofs
Star.
The car keeps his crown on a shelf
in the pantry. Thus he lays up some
thing FOR reigny day.-Nea0s York Id AZ -
rertiSer. 80
The census proves that the number
of persons in a family in the United
States is small fraction over We.
In some families the husband is the
small fraction over. u S.
It takes but thirteen minutes to lead
an elephant on q train, while 1T takes (
twenty for any sort of a woman to kiss
her friend goodbye and lose the check
for her trunk.-Rome Sentinel. -
"Yes," said the mother Of a daugh-
ter, II shall stop Mr.. Tommy calling
without any trouble or, unpleasa ut
ness. Ishall merely ask him to stop
to dinner and then invite him TO 4
carve boston Post.
A prominent merchant says when
he is tired and wants a rest he DON'T
90 off on a tour and spend money, but
he Just takes his ad. out Of the paper.
It has the same effect a red flag hung
in front Of his s.llaase would GRIP:
Five million baseball bats were used
in this country last year. Had EACH
been converted into a hoe handle; q
hoe attached, and the same 1ssed as
energetically as were. the ball CLUB, Z;
potatoes might have been cheaper now.
OIL city Bltssard. ~ i
Lady Ito deaf buteaer) .Eel!'
Mr.: sHa =; nd .IG1s5- 21
self to-day Smallbones: aWell,
I'm pretty well used up5- mum Every
ribs gone; they've almost tore me to
pieces for my shoulders, and never
had such a run on my legs. s
Philosophers have observed that
when one member Of a family gets
into trouble other members are almost
sur to meet with misfortune before,
long. That's the opinion Of the small
boy, who put powder into his fathers
pipe, and subsequently got a blowing
up, with shingle accompaniment -:
Ne,0 YORK. Commercial. Ed
A Partisan lady called on her milli-
ner the other day regarding the char
acter of a servant. The respectable !
appearance of the latter was beyond
questioning. "But is she honest ?ps
asked the lady. ~ am not so certain
about that" replied the milliner.
have sent her to you with my bill a.
dozen times, and she has neX1
me the money"
A bachelor and spinster,
been schoolmates in youth and were
about the same age, met in after years,
and the lady CHANGING to remark that 3
"men live a great deal faster than
women" the bachelor replied: s" Yes.
Maria; the last time we met we were :
each twenty-four years old. now I'm
over forty, and I hear you haven't
reached thirty yet" They never met
again.
Clarence Fitz-Herbert sends us a
beautiful poem beginning, "I will
wait for my love at heavens gate. . 8
We think you are about right, Clar-
ence. People who write that kind of
poetry seldom get any further than
the gate. You'll probably to
wait there long after the rest Of us
have passed on inside unless you re-
form and quit writing poetry and
learn to spell heaven with one v.-#
Burlington Haackeye. IS;
While eating Blue Point oysters on
the half-shell in one of the Main street
restaurants the other night, a young
man-a stranger in the city-felt
some hard substance in one of the BIZ.
valves. Not dreaming of such good
fortune, he carelessly removed the
intruder from his month, and was
about to lay it down by the side Of his {
plate, when he discovered that it was
pearl of unusual size-a pearl shirt
button. 1t had dropped from the
cooks cuff as he was serving the
oysters. .--Bradt0Tl Mail.