The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-07-13
HUMOR.


BILE fight.
WHEN dumb photographer wants to
say Eyes" to q customer he merely dis
plays two negatives.
CARPENTERS who refashion cid dry
goods boxes should be called "circum-
Stances" because they alter cases.
OLD Sport-We do not know who
the greatest hero is; Hanlan is the
greatest borrower, probably.
The poet said that cleanliness was
next to godliness. This is no. to be un-
lerstood to apply to the kind of godli-
ness represented in the top gallery of a
theater.
MIR. IsAAcs, can you tole me we're
vas the first diamond 2" mo, Mr..
Yawcobs; we're vas it," Ivy, Noah's
son on der ark he vas Shem of der
fust vater."
"MA," said Miss Parvenu, Jennie
Jones has been presented at court in
London" "Thats nothing" replied
ma; "why / was in court two whole
weeks when my sister was getting her
divorce. We are just as good as the
Joneses."
LIZ museum in New York woman
spends most of her time in an aquarium
under water. When it is considered
that she cannot, of course, talk while
submerged. her sad lot in life will draw
a tear of sympathy from every female
eye in America.
IT is said that Boston mothers are
endeavoring to initiate some Chinese
women by reducing the size of their
! daughters feet to a reasonable circum-
ference. What blessing it will be to
the boys who have occasion to dance
with them, as it WERE
LAwYER-"You say you made an ex-
animation of the premises. What did
you find?" Witness nothing of
consequence; "a beggarly account Of
empty boxes, as Shakespeare says.
Lawyer-"Neverm mind what Shakespeare
says He will be summoned, and can
testify for himself if he knows anything
about the case. "-Boston Transcript
DURING the last days of the last Con-
gress q Western member of the House,
indicating himself on the floor, struck
Henry Clay attitude, and cried with
all the fervor of original conviction:
"Sir, I'd rather be right than be Presi-
dent. Don't worry yourself about
that" shouted another member across
the aisle; you'll never be either"
THERE is something about your
daughter" Mr.. Waughop said reflect
iyely-"there's something about your
daughter-" yes" said old Mr..
Thistlepod, "there is; noticed it my
self It comes usually every night at
s o'clock, and it doesn't get away usual
ly till about IL o'clock. And some of
these evenings ] am going to lift it all
the way from the front parlor to the
side gate and see what there is in it.
Full tender beamed the light OF love down from
his manly face,
AS he pressed her to his bosom in a fervent,
No cost of Others happiness found place within
his thought:
The weakness of life's brittle thread no dim
forebodings brought.
But tenderer than the light Of love, more brittle
than life's thread,
The shrouds that wrapped two other hearts gave
up their weathered dead;
For, crumbling in his waistcoat, their glowing
future dashed,
| Two excellent Uavanas were very badly mashed.
-Hdrper'S Bazaar.
SCENE: Mexican city in Northern
Mexico, a switch-engine moving cars
back and forth on side-tracks. A
"gringo" yardmaster to a group of Mex
lean ranchmen who are watching the
movements of the engine and cars for
the first time-"Well, senors, what do
YOU think of a railroad?" Mexican
senior, reAectively- can readily see
how the engine moves the cars, but L
cannot see how the cars move the
engine"