Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1883-05-11
Selfrf Reabing.
His Pa Gives Him the Grand Bounce

His Pa Gives Him the Grand Bounce
"po you know that you smell like {
glue facrory:' asked the bad boy o
the grocery man. "Gosh, | can smell
You all over the store. Don't you
smell anything that smells spoiled?"
The grocery man thought he did
smell something that was rancid, and
he looked around the stove and finally
kicked the boys boots off the stove and
said: "It's your boots burning. Gra.
cious, open the door. 1t smells like
hot box on a caboose. Whew? And
there comes a couple of my best lady
customers" The ladies came in anC
held there handkerchiefs to there nos
es ard while they were trading the
boy said, as though continuing the
conversation:
Yes, pa says the last oleamargarint
| got here is nothing but axle grease
Why don't YOU put your axle grease
in different kind Of package? The
only way you can tell axle grease from
oleamargarine is spreading it on pan
cakes. Pa says axle grease will spread
but your alleged butter just"
At this point the ladies went out o.
the store in disgust, without buying
anything, AID the grocery man took 4
dried Goldfish by the tail and went uI
to the boy and took him by the neck.
"GolbIast you. | have notion to Kill
YOU. You have driven away more Gus
tom from this store than your heck is
worth Now, you git" and lie struck
The boy across tie back with the cod,
fish.
That's just the way with you all, .
says the boy, as he put lis sleeve up to
his eyes and pretended to cry, when
feller is up in the world there is moth
ing too good for him, but when be
gets down ycu maui him with Goldfish
Since pa drove me out of the house
and told me to shirk for my living,
haven't had a kind word from any.
body | am going to drown myself
and my death will be laid to you
! lheywiIl find evidence Of goldfish on my
clothes, al d you will De arrested iol
driving me TO suicides grave. Good
by, | forgive you, and the boy started
for the door.
Hold on there says the grocery
man. feeling that he bad been toe
harsh, Come back here and have
some maple sugar. What did your pa
drive YOU away from home for: 81
90, it was on account of st. Patrick
Day" said the boy, as he broke OF
half pound of maple sugar and dried
his tears. You see, pa never sees ma
buy new silk handkerchief but be
wants it. "Totber day MIA got one Of
these orange e;Iored handkerchleis
and Ia Immediately had sore throat
and he wanted it, and ma let him put
it on. | thought would break him Of
taking everything nice that ma got,
so " hen he went do II town with the or
ange handkerchief on his neck, | told
some of the st Patrick boys in the
Third ward who had green ribbons on
that the old dutler that was putting on
style was an Orangeman, and he said
he could whip any St. Patrick's Day
man in town. The fellerS laid for pa
and when he came along one of them
threw barrel at pa, and another pull.
ed the yellow handkerchief off his
neck. and they all yelled hang him,
and one grabbed a rope that was Oh
the sidewalk here they were moving
building, and pa got up and busted
\ lou d dlde to see pa run. lie me-
Il policeman and said NOR II hundred
men had tried to murder him, anl
they had mauled him and stolen hl'
yellow handker chief. The policeman
told pa his life was not safe, and h'
better 90 home and lock hisself in, ant
be did, and | was telling ma atou
how | got the boys to scare pa, and h'
heard it, and he told me that settled
lit. He said | had caused him to rul
more foot races than any champion
pedestrian, and had made his life un
bearable, and now must so it alone
Now | want you to send a couple o
7 EUulIuS VI oNSl " ltlC AOuSS
aud have your boy tell the hired CIR
that | have gone down to the river t.
drown myself, aud she will tell ma
and ma tell pa, aud pretty soon yo,
Will see baldheaded, pussy MAJ
whooping it up towards the river will
IA rope. | am going down to the river
and | will leave my coat and hat b,
the wood yard, and get behind th'
wo,d, and you steer pa down there
and you will see some tall weeping
over them clothes, and maybe pa viii
jump in after me, and | will come ou
from behind the wood and throw in {
board for him to swim ashore on
Goodbye. Give my pocket comb tt
my chum,' aud the boy went out ant
hung up sign in front of the grocer,
as follows: Pop corn that the ca
has sleept in, cheap for pop corn ball
for sociables.'