The Portland daily press., 1883-02-10
Our Colonel's Story.

Intimately PerfectlY. AS Wen as my
own brother, sirP most OF us replied, though
if the truth be told, there was not man at
the mess-table who had ever heard Of. Mr..
Mcpherson before. You see it was the com
manding officer who spoke, and it was al
ways risky saying him ray when he expect
ed yea.
They used to call him, you recollect,
"The Great Unwashed" vulgar but APP
propriate sobriquet nevertheless" continued
the chief. Great on account of his bury
and previously ugly person; unwashed by
reason of bis accredited scant acquaintance
with brown windsor, spring water and the
functions of the dhirzees and dhobies, j. e.
tailors and washmen Of tie land.
sOn his coffee estate IN the mountains, and
among his undraped and unscrubbed cool
les, this disregard for the comforts and
conveniences of life went for nothing, per-
haps it was even in keeping with the sur
roundings; bur when he came down to this
city, walked in its public gardens and es-
planade, or showed with its swellS at the
band, his appearance was something too
outrageous, and his brother K. c. b. s,
meaning knights of the Coffee Berry, and
not, as you might suppose, of the Order of
the BATH, dressy men hereabouts, what ever
else they are on their plantations, cast them
completely into the shade by. their get-up
and gorgeouaness.
AS for the spinsters and young widows
of the station, by ''Mars, Bacchus, Apollo,
vivorum,'' as Colonel Damas in the play
puts it, there was scarce one but who fought
shy of admitting him into her presence as a
morning visitor, much less a sutton, though
many of these blooming ladies were on the
sharp look-outfor the silken chains of mat
rimony, and Barkis-that is to say, McPher-
son-was as they knew, willing.
But disadvantages of person and attire
notwithstanding he was a right good fellow,
this same gentleman. He was honest, hard
working, thrifty, simple minded; and from
being mere adyenturer without interest,
friends or money, he had, selfhelped only,
saved up the bawbees little by little; and
bought patch after patch, acre after acre,
of virgin land; cut down its timber cleared
it, planted it, and now he had squatted down
free from encumbrances Oh Ailsa Craig as
he called bis property, as pretty and as fruit
full small coffee estate as could be found in
one of the most picturesque districts of this
lovely island.
4 wish that could give you faint idea
of the exquisite beauty of its scenery, as it
stood on range of lofty hills looking out
on still higher mountains, clothed to their
very SUBMITS with hoary forest trees.
= I could paint that mighty waterfall
almost beside the house, as i5scame TiIsuin ls
and tearing over beds and boulders of rock,
tumbling with an incessant roar into foam
ing river below. would were able 10
picture the slopes green with scented grass,
the fields white at one season with snowy
blossoms, and at another red with the ripen
ing fruit of the coffee bushes, and towering
crags glowing with bright tropical flowers,
and the steep declivities verdant to their
very bases with ferns and lichens. / can't
do it boys and l won't try. All that [ want
to let you know is that it was deuced nice
sort of place this hahtant of the McPher-
son; and that to be settled there with ones
household goods and coffee selling at seventy
or eighty shilllngs per hundred weight in the
market would pay precious deal better
than does her most gracious Majesty-God
bless her!-and the command If this dear
old corps with its unruly subs.
So no doubt, too thought its owner as he
lolled and smoked at his eottage-front and
gazed at the silver bloom or the rudy cher
ries of his trees growing almost up to the
very door. But it was poor ungarnished
comfortless higgledy-piggledy sort of home
stead that same dwelling-house; for what
ever else friend Sandy had done toward the
beautifying and fertilizing of his land his
rooftree, like his wardrobe, had been utterly
neglected. Both wa tied just exactly what
he thought they did-the wife element to set
them ship-shape and presentable; and as
you have heard before for that desideratum
he was on the Qui oioe.
Now, you young gentlemen who are in
the habit of lawn-tennising, afternoon tea
ing, talking, spooning, walking, driving,
with all the feminines, plain and colored, of
this place, and who think that they have
only to ask and be received-which | beg
and entreat you will not put to the test, cut
ting up the mess and so on-can't perhaps
realize to yourselves the difficulties the
worthy / am speaking of had met with in
even this overstocked matrimonial empori
UNI. The Anglefralls, the Hunters, the
Hookers, lots of girls whom wiilnot name,
had snubbed or turned up their pretty noses
at him when he came a-wooing; and so,
nolens volens, he remained bachelor, ana
thematizing his 1ll-luck. and venting his dis
appointments upon the backs of Sinking
and recusant Tamil coolies, the recognized
natural enemies of coffee and the scapegoat
of Its cultivators.
Then as a last resource he sought, among
his brethren of the berry round, counsel as
to the most advisable method of getting the
so-needed helpmate; and the first man he
consulted was Herr Thaler, successful and
rich German, whose estate bordered ON Ailsa
Craig.
$50, SOP said that parsonage. ''Zere
is noting more easy. Fave off Eat ragget
beard, burn in re fire zose old clothes not fit
for 'Oundsditch or any Juden Strasse, buy
Won big tob, mein friend, get some Europe
musler coats, and zen return to re frauleits
and vldder fraus vid re monish bags in re
'ands. If gay will not ave you, gay will take
re rupee; frost EN- for Eat, my zon.',
But the recommendation was unpalatable,
and to great extent impracticable, so an
other hdus Achates was appealed to, one
Jack lie Geste, man much addicted to chaff
and practical joking.
tETn this land of nparle and llraninua
stones, no GO, dear boy" said Mr. lie G.
"From Dondra Head TO Point. Calanlere-
north, south, east, west-the women won't
look at you; that you have found out long
ago. Give up hunting, then, in these ofttrod
colonial fields, and draw the home covers.
Don't you happen to know any bonny
lassie in your own Caledonia stern and
wild or a pretty colleen in the oisle of
shillelahs and shamrocks, who would be
glad to share curry and rice with you? Go
and try those parts if not, have haphazard
shy at where 1 hail from, the Channel
Islands. Spins-ay and precious good look
ing ones too-are as plenty there as cocoa
nuts are here, and maybe one of them might,
be induced to clear out in your favor. Fail
ing those islets, know of no other dodge
than indenting upon one of those cooperative
associations which furnish every thing even
to better-half. But mind, old man, they
" ioseer lor foreign service III LDelf
ofnces; hrst lady on the list, plain or pretty,
first for duty; you pays your money, but YOU
don't take your choice.'
But these ggestions also were consider
ed infeasible, and put aside. Presently
however, thought struck Mcpherson
Gle Geste," said he, "when 1 was a bow
there lived in the neighborhood of my fathe,s
manse widowed lady with two or three
then wee, very wee, daughters.
From what l can recolect of them their
means were cramped, not to say seanty. but
they were of good blood and form. One
of the children, the eldest, if my mem
ory serves me, was called Efie-Efie Need
UNI, and promised to be bonny, for l can
family, recall her blue eyes, faxen hair.
rosy complexion, and jump little fguge. If
she be alive she must be close ON thirty; for
it is many years since [ came out here
STRIPPING, and Chinna Doray (Anglce, little
MASTERY on the Paycock estate, as my kind
employer styled that property. Mrs. Need
nm knew me well--better, indeed than
knew her. ! wonder if she and the BARNS
be IN the land Of the leal or the living"
Write indirectly and inquire"