Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-08-18
Saturday Smiles.

WOman's love for ribbons is pardOnable since
she owes her existence to rib bOne.-GOureg.
neur Herald.
A Watch Hill young lady wishes to know
girl with very auburn-in fact, red-hair. Wear
green dress and put seeds in your hair and
go as watermelon.-N. Y. Herald.
The Chicago Times speaks of Mr.. Hayes as
1.-THE husband OF the lady who was once pOpu-
larry known as the inventor and proprietor of
washington temperance society,""
"Why do most people marry under the age of
twenty -three?" asksa religious exchange and
the Rochester Post Empress replies: "Most people
under the aye OF twenty-three marry for love;
beyond that age they marry for money"
She wasa sweetly inexperienced young house
keeper. as one may gather from her remark
when some one suggested that she should pur-
chase spring mattresses, EYES," she replied.
"if they are in season we'd better have some I"
Yorkshire Busy Bee.
The president, riding for 100 miles behind a
team of four Missouri mules, had an excellent
Lo,ceA Citizen.
A Sullivan of the sky: The reason why the
lightning does not strike twice in the same place
is because nothing OF the place is left to strike
after the first round.-Ne,o Orleans Picayune.
Here is another poor, deceived New York
bride and vanished German nobleman, nam ed
Won Hoffman. He obtained all her money an
fed. Give us an honest Count Philadelphia a
Press.
Johnsonian to the last: Boston girls who got
lost in the woods in the White Mountains the
other day did not cry Help" but Three ladies
In this direction are In urgent need of assist
ance. Hotel Mai.
Why old maids are preferable: "I'm glad Billy
had the sense to marry settled old maid" said
Grandma Winkum, at the wedding. Goals is
hity-tity and widders is kinder Overrulin' and
upsettin'. Old maids is kinder thankful and
willin' to please. "-Christian at Work.
Shutting the battle: The speaker who alluded
to his candidate as "the war horse that snuffed
the battle from affair."" climbed up to the compo-
paper as ''the ward boss that snatched the bottle
from bar."-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
August by the sea: At the seaside, z a. m:
Beautiful m-m-orning, J-J-J0nes. This s-s-sea
air is d-d-delightful" "Ch-ch chilly How the
folks at home m-m-must be s-s-sufering with
the heat. You never catch me st-staying at
home another summer, when can keep so cool
here" you never c-c-atch me here again.
Let's 60 In and w-warm up"-Hdrtford Post.
A fact to jot down: "Is the man mad?" "No,
the man is not mad" ''Then what makes him
yell SOP" "He is talking to man a mile away"
Through that little Instrument" Eyes, through
that instrument of torture called telephone. :"
Certainly he will" "But he could do it Just
as easily by yelling out of window" '.Why2
does not the telephone work." 'No, it does
not work; the man using the telephone works;
jot that down in your m."-Hartford Post
Yellowstone humor: "Philip," said the Presi-
dent, as the wagon came to q halt In the wild
Yellowstone region. "Philip. I've got q good
one" "Well Chester" returned Philip, .Pm
all attention" "Philip, you know touched off
the southern exposition?'' Eyes, Chester"
'Well, Philip, my ambition now is to fire off a
canyOn!" Chester, said Philip, gloomily, sTm
an old soldier. have suffered many things 1
have always been patient But, Chester, until
this moment have never felt that could Justly
ask for my discharge" 1t was some time be-
fore Mr.. Vest. with his theodolite, succ eeded in
restoring good feeling.-LouisuiHe Courier
Journal.
Plantation philosophy: ode education OF man
is his silver, but his common sense is his gold
Fortune sometimes comes ter de one what least
expecks 1t, but 1t Ia more apt ter come ter de
man what works fer It. De wust boy don't alters
turn out ter be de bes' man; has kn0w'd good
boys ter drag along an finally amount to suth-
In. Yer KANT alters jedge Oh a man by his pub
lie walk. It's sometimes de incest steppin' man
dat runs down de heel Of de shoe. De oman
what is de wust bout runnin' round de neigh
borhOOd tellin' tales is de one what complains
de lOudes' when somebody talks about her. De
wust lick cher got was from man what didn't
want to hit me. Now Use mighty keerful bout
crowdin' man. When puss0n says dat he
want ter fight, yers's safe; but when he tells
yer dat he doan want ter fight, den stop right
war yer is."-Arkans1so Traveller