The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-16
WIT AND HUMoR.

mids cheap for cash If it could find
purchaser.
1t is said that great improvements will
be made next year in railroad restaurant
sandwiches.
You can give man the cold shoulder
and not hurt his feeling q bit If you only
go at it right. 1t should be cold shout
der of mutton.
'Never kiss anybody on the mouth"
says DIR. Hall, "unless you are reckless
of consequences" What, do they ever
bitep No mattcr-we are reckless.
A young woman who has q wart on
her nose complains that when she has
cold in her head it makes her nose
warter.
The zodiacal sign for the opening of
Winter is a goat The goat is a hard
butter, and hard butter is almost always
sign that the weather is cold.
'He's grown to be polished gentle
man, anyhow" said an old lady, gazing
fondly as she spoke at the shining bald
head of her son, just returned after a
long absence.
Previous to 1860 the French would not
eat potatoes, it. being supposed that they
would cause freckles. What harm would
it have been had there been freckled-
faced nationp
Said doctor to lady patient: "You
must take exercise for your health, my
dear" "All right" she said; "Pll
jump at the first Offer" They were
married shortly afterwards.
p 'What is virgin forestp" asked an
auditor. "Phwat is vairgin forest is
it We want to knowp A vairgin forest,
sur, is one phwere the hand of man has
niver set fut, bedad."
"And what do you call thatp" asked
the inquisitive visitor, pointing to a mu-
tilated statue. ''That is torso" re-
piled the sculptor. Him." muttered
the visitor; "but how did it become tore
sop
A man at hotel fell the whole length
of flight of stairs. Servants rushed to
pick him up. They asked him if he
was hurt NO." he replied: mot at
at all. I'm used to coming down that
way. I'm life-insurance agent"
One of the Aides on the military staff
of the Governor of Ohio has wounded
himself in the leg three different. times
while trying to draw his sword, but he
is going to persevere until he can COOP
er the proper style.
A man named Darrell lives in town
in the western part of the state. His
friends say: "If you flour Darrell with
whisky he gets staving and hoops Ter up
so loudly that policeman chimes in and
heads him for the cooper some other
place of confinement"
A party of young men dined sumptu-
ously at restaurant and each one in
sisted on paying the bill. To decide the
matter it was proposed to blindfold the
waiter, and the first one he caught
should pay the bin. He hasn't caught
any of them yet
An Illinois court has decided that a
woman's lie about her age doesn't viii
ate her insurance policy. The Judge
thought that if they expected woman
to tell the truth on that point they de-
served to be swindled.
Said the owner of the pottery-works
in reply to o question by visitor: mo,
we never have any work lost. If dish
or cup comes out badly, so that it can
not be sold for the purpose for which it
is intended, we dispose of it for bric-a-
brac."
Jones having invested in silver mine
is puzzled. He has been called upon
for an assessment to build works for re-
ducing the ore. He always thought the
object of mining was to increase the ore.
But Jones is not an expert and he don't
know much any way.
Some one pinned card of Warrant
ed Fresh" to the cloak of Chicago
woman, the other day, and she walked
the streets for two hours with it. Now
her husband wants to give one hundred
dollars for the name of the miscreant
who did the advertising.
Come here, my little fellow" said
gentleman to youngster of five years,
while sitting in a parlor where u large
company was assembled; edo you know
meP'' "Yeth thir.' "Who am I?'
.'You it'll the man who kithed mamma
when papa was in Albany"
''1ow do you feel, my little manp"
asked youth of his sweetheart's little
brother. The young fiend looked up at
him sidewise, aud with q grin respond
ed: II feel just as if I'd like to have q
dime" He got it, but his prospective
brother-in-law now avoids the health
question.
He was lisping drummer and had q
pretty good opinion of himself. He said
to his partner at dance in town not
far from Boston, II wanth youth to
understan' that Pm no ordinary wun-
ner. ] belong to the firm Of Jones &
Thun. My father is Jones and I'm thee
Thun."
"Protoplasm." remarked the Profess
sor, sis composed of carbonic acid, wa
ter and ammonia, in which compound
the water largely predominates. To
what conclusion does this leadp" The
pupil was boy and not easily stagger-
cd. He answered: ut leads to the con-
clusion that dad never takes any proto-
plasm in his'n."
A Southern miles-an-hour rail-
road has started chicken train. Hens