Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-01-20
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

II SOiN ~ PCil
High tied-Married up in balloon
The telegraph cannot singh it can
beat time.
Fashion journals are properly clas-
sitied as the clothes press.
Spectators who get squeezed in 2
pork deal naturally squeal.
The tight style of pantaloons is going
out of fashion and the young men of
the country can now draw a long breath
of relief.
A man in Boston has invented a
stone-cutting machine which can do
the wook of sixty-four men. Better
sentence it to State Prison.
An Ohio woman armed with broom.
stick and flat-iron put to flight two
masked burglars the other day. When
lovely woman stoops to flat-irony she
makes success of it.
Liberal landlord - What are you
doing in my back yard?" Irish tramp
(engaged in mending his clothes )-"I
was jist gatherin' in me rints, sorrr
The squire drops the subject and re-
tires.
"Your husband is staid man now,
| is he not ?" asked former schoolmate
of her friend who had married man
rather noted for his fast habits. II
think so," was the reply, "he stayed
out all last night"
Herbert Spencer considers the wear
ing of pointed-toed shoes and skin-light
trousers well defined mark of mental
imbecility. This level-heated remark
reassures us as to the soundness of Mr..
Spencer as philosopher.
A young lady in failing health ap-
piled to a physician for advice" "Well,"
he said, as he discovered the poisonous
compounds which had made her once
raven locks fashionable blonde color.
Il would suggest a change of hair"
"Well, she isn't my style of beauty"
was the contemptuous remark of the
lady with the snub nose. so / per-
ceive," said Mrs. Blunt. AS there was
40 chance for an argument, the subject
was dropped instanter.-Bos TRAM
script.
Miss Rowe, of Boston, has written
a play for seven girls. 1t is understood
that the heroine falls down while skat-
ing and is saved by piece of chewing
gum which she had thoughtfully
placed in her pocket before leaving
home.
AS long as she lived: 81 don't care
what anybody says" remarked Mrs
Fogg warmly; "Mr Bolus is a good
doctor, and l shall employ him as long
as | live" Every likely" replied
Fogg; Il believe it is the same with
all his patients. They all employ him
as long as they live - that is to say,
until he gets through with Them
In town not many miles from Bes-
ton, a man stepped into a neighbors
house where he saw the head of the
family lying upon his back on the
floor, and his wife standing over him,
as he thought, with a threatening air
He was about to withdraw when the
PROSTATE man shouted "Come along in,
Steve; she is only chalking me out
pair of pants"
A lady stood patiently before the re-
ceiving teller's window in New York
bank the other day, but no one took any
notice of her till she attracted the at
tention of the money taker by tapping
with her parasol on the glass. "Why
don't you pay attention to me?" she
said petulently. I'm sorry, ma'am.
but we don't pay anything here. Next
window, please" was the polite re-
sponse.
A traveller in France, whose con-
science would not allow him to use
strong language, found out that at the
hotel where he was staying the walters
had been so accustomed to hear Eng
lishmen do so that they set him down
as a milksop and neglected him accord
ingly. He therefore hit upon this ex-
pedient to secure proper amount of
attention: Whenever he gave an order
he rolled out in sonorous tones the
words, Northumberland, Cumberland,
Durham" The effect was marvellous.