Middletown transcript., 1883-11-02
CHIPS.

The Philadelphia News says; "The
dog has queer taste in matters of dress ;
he wears his pants in his mouth"
Yes, and the mans pants, tOo.-Chi-
cagO Ne'CS.
The Ohio prohibitionist is like a
ten-year-old boy just big enough to be
a nuisance too small to vote and too
big for the cradle; he won't stay
home and you can't take him with you.
So there. .-Bardette.
The new state Of Dakota will take
for it's motto "Fear God and Take
Your Own Part" The old motto Of
the territory used to be " Fear nothing
and take everything you can lay your
hands on. Marathon Independent.
A German doctor is the authority
for the statement that blowing horns
will cure consumption. Ha, now, con-
sumptive, here's your cure! When
YOU call for horn. of beer just blow the
froth off it. Don't drink it.-Chtcdgo
Telegram.
Prosy and serious papers are the soda,
temperance papers the cold water and
humorous ones the acid of journalism.
Mixed together they are refreshing and
pleasant but there wouldn't be much
fun or fiz in the draught if it was not
for the acid.-FdU Rirer AdUance.
-"At one time OF another" says
the sporting man Of the Middletown
Transcript, "the man who pulls his
gun through the fence by the muzzle
will get his name in the papers. " You
want us to understand that he will be
double-leaded. YOnkers Statesman.
Reform has set in with great fury
in Connecticut. Last Sunday twenty
persons we're arrested for driving on the
Sabbath day, and nobody has murdered
a awoman for nearly two weeks. Really,
it looks as though the millennium had
struck Connecticut long before the rest
of the world was half ready for it
Burdette.
Mamma" Mercy on US, children,
stop that noise. What are you quar-
.reling about ?" Little Nell" We
isn't a quarreling." Mamma" Then
what is all this noise about What is
Harry scolding for, and why are you
pulling his hair ?'' Little Nell" It's
only play, mamma. We is pretendin
we is married. Philadelphia Call.
"My son. asked a Sunday schoo
teacher, What do you know Of th'
proverb regarding people who reside il
glass houses ?" "I don't know
nothin'. . was the response, . about tn
proverb, but l know that people VIII,
live in glass houses orient to lay abe'
late in the morning unless they they Ptil
down the blinds. 81 Unkno,cn Exchange
"Some of the greatest men," re
marked an editor to subscriber. I" hav
RTOWu W uduHOOu DCAOAC uCSIOlh
upon a definite mode of action. wa
a long time discovering that there wa
anything in me- 'Yes," replied tn
subscriber, and it will be DEVILS
sight longer time before the publ
makes a similar discovery. "-ArLar
SaW Traveller.
Tennyson, the poet, smokes nearl
all the time, but perhaps if he hadn
smoked he would be more of a poe
1t is hard matter, even by the illu
rious examples, to determinetow what e.
tent tobacco has injured the human fan
lily. Old Abram Cavendish, who liv'
in the western part Of Arkansaw, an
who has attained the age of ninety-eigl
years, when asked if the use Of tobacC
had ever injured him replied" Yes,
think it has. I was great wrestler
my day, and 1 have sometimes though
that if l hadn't used tobacco | coul
have flung the fellers little harde
but ah, Lord, it can't be helped now.
-ArkdnSalo Traveller.