The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-12-20
Rather Small for Him.


as he surveyed himself in the glass,
with pertubably solemn countenance,
''My dear, how do you think these
clothes fit me?"
'Splendidlyr' emphasized Mrs.
Spoopendyke, walking around him so
as to take in all the glories of his new
! garments. eff I hadn't seen you dress
ed for funeral, I should say you
ought always to wear black"
..Think the Grape on the hat is about
the right height for a pall-bearer?" ask
ed Mr. Spoopendyke, shaking his hat
on his head and regarding his wife with
steadfast eye, as though he expected
to catch her in lie about the hat.
''Just exactly right, - exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, land here are your
black Gloves
Don't want any gloves" growlcd
Mr.. Spoopendyke, turning again to the
glass. ''How m going 70 catch hold
of those handles with Il pair of tight
gloves on?''
But you must wear gloves" pro-
tested Mrs. Spoopendyke '::All pail
bearers wear gloves, and want you to
look as nice as the others. This is a
real nice pair, and bought them for you
|
Mr.. Spoopen,fyke jabbed his right
fist into the glove and commenced to
tug. ''Where's the steam derrick chat
goes with thisp" he demanded, stop
ping to eye his progress with some
misgivings IS to his ultimate success.
when you get your hand in you
want TO take it by the fingers and push
it on" suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke,
| +N Oh lnL ID,
a mistake and bought size too small.
only have patience. Now try"
''Then it wants q pile driver" grin
ned Mr.. Spoopcndyke. Il had an idea
that Il! derrick was the proper thing.
That the Way-you mean?n and Mr..
Spoopendyke caught his four fingers in
an iron grip and bent them double.
''Is that one on, from your standpoint?
Are those ends sticking out there in
tended TO represent anything partictl-
larly connected with funeral? What 5
all this bare place down here for? Is
that the way the rest of those pail
bearers are going to lookP" and MIR.
Spoopendyke pointed disdainfully st
the tiuttering fingers and his naked
palm. perhaps the others will paste
the other glove over this bare spot! Is
that the way it works?''
mo, dear" murmured Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, not exactly seeing her way
clear, and wishing she had said moth
ing about the gloves. 81 would give
them gentle pull, now. just see if
they won't 90 on that way"
Mr.. Spoopendyke caught grip. and
hauled until he was red in the face, bat
| ho rrln fi1,n I,
his foot against the side OF the bureau
and gave Il tremendous wrench.
'1t is Il good strong glove, anyway"
commented Mrs. Spooperdyke, who
had been watching the experiment with
an anxious interest.
'.What dye think I'm going to?''
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke, tenipora-
rily letting up on his performance.
E'What do you think this is the funeral
of, gymnasium? Got any kind OF n
notion that am going to bury a circus?
Why didn't you get some gloves more
! renowned for going on a mans hand,
and less for their durability? Strong,
eh?" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, going
back to his avocation with renewed
appetite. Think they are pretty
strong, do you? just you keep an
eye on these iron clads now, and YOU
will get some new notions about
strength and Mr.. Spoopendyke bent
allhiS energies on the glove. and rip
| ped it from the thumb knuckle TO the
wrist joint. That the way you mran
it to go?" he yelled, considerably dis
satisfied with his success. ''Think this
style adds anything funereal to my APP
| pearance? Is this the latest thing in
| Oall-heariOrp''
''Ncver mind, dear cooed MS.
| Spoopendyke. 81 can take few
| stitches in it, and it will do for to-
day."
s.What's the matter with it nowp"
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke, giving it an
other jerk that carried the tear around
J to the whole back of the hand. ''What
+ it wants is few stitches taken out of
it, and the proprietor is going right in
to the business of getting them out.
How does that strike youp" and Mr..
Spoopendyke, having pulled the disin-
tegrated part over his wrist, stuck out
the fingers for his wife's contemplation
with the air of man who was setting
the fashions.
''Tll tell you what you can do" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''You caa wear
the other and carry this in your hand.
No one will notice the tear, and Think
the other will 60 on easier"
Mr.. Spoopendyke made a grab for
the other glove, and jammed his hand
into it. Half way on it stuck, just as
the first had
''Yesr' he painted. ''This is easier!
See it crawl up my hand! Stopit, Will