The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-03-21
That Bad Boy.


parrot. do you ?"said the bad boy to
The grocer man, as he puts his wet
mittens on the top of the stove to
dry, and kept his back to the stove
so as he could watch the grocery man
and be prepared for a kick, if the
man should remember the rotten egg
sign that the boy put up in front OF
the grocery last week.
"Naw, / don't want no parrot. l
had rather have a fool-boy around
than a parrot. But what's the mat
ter with your mas parrot? | thought
she wouldn't part with him for any
thing"
"Well. she wouldn't, until We'd
nesday night, but o she says she
will not have him around, and | may
have half | get for him. She told
me to 60 to some saloon or some dis
reputable place and sell him, and /
thought maybe he would about suit
YOU. and the boy brokeopen abunch
of celery and took out a few tender
stalks aud rubbed them on a Goldfish,
TO salt them. and began to bite the
stalks. while he held the sole of one
wet boot up against the stove to dry
il. making a smell of burned leather
that came neal turning the stomach
of the cigar sign.
"Lookahere, boy, don't you call
this a disreptutable place. Some Of
the best people in this town come
here" said the grocery man as he
held up the cheese knife and grated
his teeth as though he would like to
lab il into the youth.
80, that's all right. They come
here cause you trust. But you make
up what you lose by charging it to
other people. Pa will make it hot
far YOU the last of the week. He
has been looking over your bill, and
comparing it with the hired girl, and
she SAYS we haven'tever had a prune.
or a dried apple, or a rasin, or any
cinnamon or crackers and cheese cut
of your store, and he says you are
worse than the James brothers, and
that YOU used to be a three card mon
te man, and he will have you arres-
ted for highway robbery. But you
can settle that with pa. / like you,
because you are no ordinary sneak
thief. You are a high-toned, gentle
manly sort OF a blk, and wouldn't
take anything you couldn't lift. o,
keep your seat. and don't get excit-
ed. 1t does a mar good to hear the
truth from one who has got the nerve
to tell it. But about the parrot.
Ma has been away for week, having
a high old time in Chicago, going TO
theaters and things, and while she
was gone | guess the hired girl or
somebody learned the parrot some
new things to say. A parrot that
can only say "Polly wants a cracker
don't amount to anything. What we
need is new style parrots that can
converse on the topics ofthe day and
say things original. Well, when ma
got back ! guess her conscience hurt
her for The way she had been carry
ing on in Chicago, and SO when she
heard the basement of the church
was going TO be frescoed she invited
the committee to hold the Wednes-
day evening prayer meeting at our
house. First there were four people
came, and ma asked pa to stay and
make up a quorum, and pa said
seeing he had two pair he guessed
he would stay in, and if ma would
deal him n queen he would have a
full hand. | don't know what pa
meant, but he plays draw poker
sometimes. Anyway, there was
eleven people came, including the
minister, and after they had talked
about the neighbors a spell, and ma
had showed the women a new tidy
she had worked for the heather,
with a motto on it which pa had
taught her, IA contrite heart beats a
bebtailed flush" and pa had talked
TO the men about a religious silve,
mine he was selling stock in, which
he had advised them as a friend tc
buy for the glory of the church, they
all went into the back parlor and the
minister led in prayer. He got down
on his knees right under the parrots
cage, and you'd a died to see Polly
hang onthe wires of the cage with
one foot and drop an apple core on
the minister's head. Ma shook hel
handkerchief at Polly, and looked
sassy, and Polly got up on the perch
and as the minister got warmed up
and began to raise the roof, Polly
said. 20, dry up" The minister
had his eyes shut, but he opened
one of them a little and looked a,
pa. Pa was tickled at the parrot
but when the minister looked at pa.
as though it was him that was max.
ing irreverent remarks, pa was mad
The minister got to the amen" and
Polly shook hisself and said "What
are you giving us" and the minister
got up and brusehd the bird seed of
his knees, and he looked mad. ]
thought ma would sink with NORTH.
cation, and / was sitting on a piano
stool, looking as pious as a Sunday
School superintendent the Sunday
before he skips out with the bank
funds. and ma looked at me a:
though she thought it was me thai
had been tampering with the parrot
Gosh. / never said a word TO tina
parrot, and i can prove it with my
chum. Well, the minister asked on.
d. of the sisters if she wouldn't pray.
and she wasn't engaged, so she sale
with pleasure, and she kneeled down
but she corked herself, cause she got
n knee on a dumb bell that | hac
been practicing with. She said &c
my" in a disguised sort of a wa,
and than she began TO pray for the
reformation of the youth of the land
and asked for the spiritto decend OF
the household, and particularly OF
the boy that was such a care and anx
iety to his parents, and Just then Pol
ly said, 20 pull down your vest.
Well, you'd a dide to see that woman
look at me. The parrot cage wa
partly behind the window curtain
and they couldn't see it, and sh'
thought it was me. She looked a
ms az though she was wonderin,