The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-02
WIT AND HUMOh.
Brown brcd-Mulatto children.

The first fast male-the prodigal son.
The debt of the City of Paris is $780,
100000. Patti must have been singing
in Paris.
Anew book is entitled "Short Sayings
of Great Men" When are we to have
Great Sayings of Short Menp"
Rattan furniture is fashionable, but
the small boy objects to having his base
ment furnished with rattan.
"Well, my lad, how much do you
earn q weekp" II dunno what earn,
sir; but l know what gets"
The musician who robbed bakery
said in extenuation that he was in favor
of movable dough.
Why cannot two slender persons ever
become great friendsp Because they
will always be slight acquaintance.
Every girl who expects to keep up
with the times should wear clocks on
her stockings.
''Of what complaint did your father
diep" 'The jury found him guilty."
was the answer.
1t is nice enough to serenade and
sing. "Come with the lark-come with
+ the lay" but the hen that comes up
promptly with the lay takes the cake!
A man has invented chair that can
be adjusted to 800 different positions.
1t is designed for q boy to sit in when
he goes to church.
Never jump at conclusions. An ex-
ception is allowable in the case of a rat
etlesnake's conclusion. In that case, the
sooner and the farther you jump the
better.
Gentlemen of the jury" was the i'm
FASHIONED peroration of a lawyer in
city court few days ago, "God knows
my client is innocent, and what is more
to the purpose, l know it."
Whoever doubts that the newspapers
have mission should enter car and
see how useful they are to the men
when fat woman with big basket is
looking around for a seat.
An article in an exchange is headed:
Kissed by Her Husband" Such mis-
takes will occur, and there should be
some remedy devised to prevent their
recurrence
A man died in Atlanta the other day
who confessed in his last hours that he
spent seven months trying to whip
Chicago editor and could never get
within ten feet of him.
Speaking of lady who was forever
telling of her aches and pains. said Fogg,
II always enjoy her conversation. It is
complete course of lectures on physi-
elogy, and nothing to pay"
Every railroad built in this country
is a human piece of work." said a Can
ada man. 'Whyp" asked bystandcr.
Because they give people better OPP
portunity of getting ont of the place"
Enquirer. Eyes, man not jus
tice of the peace can administer an oath.
We accidentally stuck corner of our
umbrella in mans eye, the other day,
and he administered several oaths to us;
but he wasn't a justice of the peace"
she cometh not" she said, and she
was quite right; he didn't arrive. His
intentions were all right; but they failed
to successfully combat the bulldog that
was screened in the moon-kissed shrub
berry.
A good-looking girl, whose lover
asked her in the tenderest tones why it
was that she was so magnetic, explained
the phenomenon by informing him that
her mother and father were both tele-
graph operators.
II do wish you would come home
earlier" said woman to her hus-
band. 81 am afraid to stay alone. l
always imagine that there's somebody
in the house; but when you come 1
know there amt"
"Poor fellow! he died in poverty
said man of person lately deceased.
That isn't anythingr' exclaimed O
seedy bystander. dying in poverty is
no hardship; it's living in poverty that
puts the thumbscrews on fellow"
"Your husband is q staid man now, il
ne notp" asked II former schoolmate of
her friend who had married mao
noted for his fast habits. II think So"
was the reply, she stayed out all last
night" A
Prince Bismarck keeps diary. The
first entry on Jan. /, reads: 81 have re-
solved to drink not more than sixty
glasses of soul-destroying beer q day
during the present year" p. S.-Save
on Schuetzenfest days.
II am trying to break myself of slang
phrases said the Centralville girl,
'.and have been for some time; but,
actually, used the word racket to-
day before thought, and Pm so asham-
ed of myself. You won't give it away,
will youP''
When Mr.. Snaggs wants peace and
quiet of an evening, while he sits and
thinks, he says to his wife: "Now, my
dear, talk to me, and amuse mer' And
the blessed old dame at once loses all
capacity for thinking of anything to
say, and never opens her condemned
head.
A Scotchman, having hired himself
to q farmer, had cheese set down be-
fore him, that he might help himself.
After some time the master said to him,
..Sandy, you take long time to break