davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
TOWSONTOWN Md, SATURDAY, JULY T. 1888.

parlor. There was every variety Of
her. She was tall, short, fat, lean, red =
faced, pale.cheeked, plump, scrawny,
old, young, sour, pleasant, vivacious,
stupid, graceful, and awkward. The
parlor got crowded-why don't they
have bigger parlors at the American
House, anyway? The idea OF expecting
a reporter to interview Mrs. Young in
room not more than 6xS The air
was sitting. The reporter felt rs If he
were going to faint. He began to re-
greet he had ever undertaken the novel
task Of interviewing Mrs. Young.
"Oh, girls, girls, here comes Briggy!"
cried one Of the ladies who had been
looking out Of the window.
"Wherc? where?" screamed the rest.
rushing pellmell to the windows-there
were seven Of them-and craning their
necks to get look at their husband
Such scrambling and hustling never
were seen before. Mrs. Young pushed,
crowded, slapped, and scratched one
another in their attempts to secure n
view of her liege lord,
.See, he threw n kiss at me-" ex-
claimed Mrs. Young.
ale didn't, either II was for me -
cried Mrs. Young.
"And Immediately the rest of Mrs.
Young indignantly asserted the kiss
was meant for her, and then ensued a
war Of words, in which such cndearing
epithets As "You saucy jade" "You
pert MINK" "You mean thing" and
"You cross old hen" figured conspic-
uously. The reporter crept YEARLY
away from the scene. As he tottered
through the hotel office Mr.. Smith stop
ped him.
al hope you succeeded in getting the
interview you wanted, said Mr.. Smith
al did the best could under the
circumstances, but the fact is quite a
number of Mrs. Young have gone out
shopping and others were feeling too
much under the weather TO receive
callers"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
HOW TO FAIL.

"Herman. said Hoffenstein, as he
glanced over his book in which he kept
small accounts, "has dot shoemaker
which keeps de corner around bald vat
he owes de sdore %
"No, Misder Hofenstein, replied
the clerk; ::'but think he will. He
vas a good man, il he vas poor"
"Dot may be so, Herman but you
had pedder watch him. Don't let him
hat nodings more on credit. You must
always dink man was RASCAL until he
pays vat he owes; il you don't you will
lose money, by blinking he vas goot.-
My gr-r-ecious, Herman, ] hat seen
blenty uf poor men who were goot.
Dey would get dings at my sdore on
CREDIT, and spend der cash nit somevon
else. Watch the shoemaker, Herman
have been poor myself once"
ode shoemaker. Misder Hofenstein,"
said the clerk, "vould hat bald before
dis if don't hat been so poor"
"But he don't get no pisness being
dot vay," replied Hofenstein. "a
man vot vos poor, Herman, don't can
blame no one but himself. w don't
he get velty, like odder people1 II
man vas satisfied mi, being poor he
don't can be vert anything, you know.
Ven ] vas bedding | vent to a velty
merchant to git some goots on credit.
He don't let me hat dem, und | dold
him dot vas honest if / vas a poor
man. Vat you dink, Herman, he says:
MY trent, hell vas so full Of people in
your fix dat der legs yer sticking de
windows out Dot experience, Herman,
learned me dot poor man don't hat
got influence enough in dis world to
made dc dogs bark At him, und | vent
TO work. Drec years dot hat dry
goot sdore, und vas de brcsidcnt uf a
political association. Mygrecious, Her
man, meier want To be poor man. De
only ding dot poor man gifts vas relig-
ion, und he wouldn't git dot il it cost
ANGLING. Regollect dot perseverance
in pissness will make you velty, und dot
if you vail in the rigid way dere vas
money in it. Ven vas keeping redail
sdore in der country, pissness got dull,
und vent To Simon kraneman, my
viie'S uncle, und says: Simon, | dink
will vail, der vas no money in dc
pissness any longer Ruben, he says,
'dc boys vas paying as high as dwendy
cents dis year, und think you better
vaii. | dock his advice, Herman, und
next year ven dey vas only baying ten
cents, | vailed ind made Offer four
dousand dollars. Shust dink of it
Now dere vas Solomon Opperheimcr,
who put little sdore up away out in
Arkansas, ind dc goundry for fifteen
miles around vas so poor dot all de
ilcas vent away. Veil, he put his sdorc
dere, ind for seek years he vailed in
pissneSs, und now Solomon owns a
couple Of brick sdores in Houston,
Texas. He made all dot by his ber-
severence, Dink Of il, Herman, und
vile you dink of it, don't let de shoe
maker We vas talking aboud git away
miout paying vat he owes"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
THE LIFE OF MAN.
PHILADELPHIA TTaars.

philadelphia T;Asrs.
Man, born OF woman, is of few days
and no teeth. And, indeed, it would
be money in his pocket sometimes il he
had less Of either. As for his days, he
wasteih one third OF them, and for his
teeth, he has commissions when he cuts
them, and as the last one comes through,
10, the dentist is twisting the first one
out, and the last end of that mans jaw
is worse than the first, being full of
porcelain and a roof.plate built to hold
blackberry seeds. Stone bruises line
his pathway to manhood his father
boxes his ears at home, the big boy
cuffs him in the playground, and the
teacher whips him in the school.room.
He buyeth Northwestern at ITO, when
he hath sold short at 90, and his neigh
Dor unloadcth upon him Iron Mountain
at 63ss, and it straightway breakcth
down to s3L. He riseth early and
stitch up late that he may ill his barns
and storehouses, and 10 his childrcn's
lawyers divide the spoil among them.
selves and say, ala, ha !" Hegrowle,h
and is sore distressed because il raineth,
and he beateth upon his breast and
sayeth, "My crop is lostl" because i,
rainc,h not. The late rains blight his
wheat and the frost bi,cth his peaches.
II il I've so that the sun shincth, even
among the nineties, he saycth, "Woc
is me, for PERISH" and il the north
west wind sigheth down in forty-two
below he cricth, "Would were dead :"
II he wear sackcloth and blue jeans men
say, ale is n tramp" and If he goeth
forth shaven and clad in a purple and
fine linen all the people cry, "Shoot
the dude !" He carryeth insurance for
twenty-five years, until he hath paid
thrice over all his goods, and then he
lette,h his policy lapse one day, and
tina, same night fire destroyeth his store.
He buildeth him 4 house in Jersey,
and his first born is devoured by
mosquitoes he pitcheth his tents in
New York, and tramps dcvour his
substance. He moveth to Kansas, and
a cyclone carryeth his house away over
into Missouri, while prairie fire and
ten millions Of grasshoppers fight for
his crop. He settleth himself in Ken
lucky, and is shot the next day by a
gentleman, colonel and statesman,
"because, sab, he resembles, sab,
man, sab, he did not like, sab" Yer
lily, there is no rest for the sole OF his
foot, and if he had il to do over again
he would not be born at all, for ''the
day Of death is better than the day Of
ones BIRTH"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
THE MEN THE GIRLS LIKE.
s. a. D. IN Ssr York Ledger.

3. a. d. IN Ssr York Ledger.
The Boston girl likes n man of mind,
whose name is in the magazines. Pro
feSsor is the title she adores and she
rather dcspises money. She admires
lean men with thin features, who live on
Graham waters and eschew tea and cof-
fee. And she prefers eye glasses TO the
brightest eyes. II her admirer takes
her TO lectures so darkly deep that she
cannot understand 4 word of them, she
is entirely happy, and asks no more
amusement.
The Philadelphia girl requires OF the
gentleman she "respects"-any warmer
feeling she thinks vulgar-that he shall
never touch beer, nor smoke cigars
that he shall attend church regularly,
and be socially "well known" Her
greatest happiness is in taking tea with
his ancient aunts and uncles, who en-
terrain her with genealogies longer than
those of Genesis. And she thanks fate
that they have been brought together,
If she discovers that his mothers hus-
bands great-great- grandmother was
forty-third cousin to William Penn.
The Virginia girl admires gentle
manly man." who wears large mus
iache and rides well. She requires
great courtesy and many compliments,
and immense Difference to "the ladies'. 3"
And he must be of 4 first family. 10
be perfect, he must also be a colonel.
The Cincinnati belle adorcs, OF all
things, man with voice, who is good
at making a stump speech, and expects
TO be Congressman. II he can hold
his own in responding TO an aftcr-dnner
toast, and takes her to hear all the prima.
donnas who come TO town, she will say
''yes" when he pops the question. She
rather likes him to be man of the poo
pie, il he his capable of making his own
way in the world.
The Colorado belle likes 4 stout man,
not very young, with loud voice, a
high color, anil talent for getting on.
She does not object to whisky and
cigars, il he only owns plenty of mining
stock. She never asks about his grand
father, bu, she expects him to be gen.
erous and her idea OF token of az
fiction is 4 diamond-ihc bigger the
better.
The New York belle at present makes
the young "dudc" her ideal She likes
to have the square shoulders and the
dash and imprudcncc all to herself
She does not demand pity, virtue or
accomplishments OF her idol-nei,her
genius nor business talent. She simply
desires him TO be the undoub;cd heir to
somebody's millions, and able toassurc
her lifetime of utter idleness. Her
ideal used to be count or marquis,
from that vague whereabouts, ECU
rope" but he has turned ont badly so
often that he has gone ont of fashion.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
THE DOMESTIC REVOLVER.

The iragical death OF the wife of a
Jersey City clergyman by the accidental
discharge OF revolver enforceS anew
the peril of firearms in the house. 1t
is a dull day which does not bring from
some part of the country report Of
some similar accident, not always fatal,
but melancholy and needless. Ii the
facts could be ascetained il would pref
" certainly be found that where one
revolver docs the execution which is
intended, in protecting its amateur user
from violence or harm, scores explode
BY accident and kill the innocent
Children point them At each other, not
knowing they are loaded or they fall
from the pockets and are discharged /;
or they are fired at the wrong person
by some half wakcned sleeper. /, is 4
sensible man who lies quietly in bed
and watches man rifling his pockets
rather than take his chances in fusiladc
with the burglar. An aggressive dog
or even 4 waichman's rattle gives more
protection in 4 house than revolver.
A good many men who have travelled
through lawlcss regions report them
selves much safer without 4 weapon
than with one. The amateur stands
little chance with the professional des.
perado in the use of pistol, for the
desperate is certain to be quicker in
his motions and more accurate in his
aim. The revolver certainly has its
uses, bu, il is used good deal too Of
ten by people who would do better not to
handle it. As piece of domestic fur.
nituie, it is in most cases senseless and
dangerous and often fatal.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
ABOUT THE HANDS.


Ncr York HoAs joHrzaL
Hands are divided into three different
kinds--thosc with round pointed fingers,
those with square tips, and those that
are spade-shaped, with pods OF flesh on
each side of the nail The first type,
with round pointed fingers, belongs to
characters with perceptions extra sensi-
tive. 10 very piouS people, to contem-
plative minds, TO the impulsive, and to
all poets 5nd artists who have ideality
as prominent trait. The second type
those that are square shaped belong
TO scientific people. to sensible, selfcon-
tanned characters, and TO the class of
professional men who are neither vi.
sionary not altogether sordid. The third
type - those that are spade shaped,
with pods of flesh at the sides OF the
nail-indica,e people whose interests
and instincts are mostly material. people
who have a genius for business, and
who have a high appreciation for every
thing that pertains to bodily use and
comfort. Each finger. no matter what
kind OF a hand il is, has a joint represent
ing each of these types. The division
of the finger that is nearest the palm
stands for body, the middle division
represents mind, and the highest joint
spirit or soul. lf the top joint is longer
than the other, it denotes 4 character
with too much Imagination, great ideal
ity, and of learning toward the theoreti-
cal rather than the practical. When
the middle Joint of the finger * LONG in
promises logical, calculating mind
4 very common sense kind Of person
and when the lowest joint is longest, it
indicates nature that clings more to
the luxuries than to the refinements Of
life; mind that looks for utility be.
fore beauty. II they are nearly alike,
and especially il the joint of the fingers
equal the length Of the palm, it indi-
Gates a we'll balanced mind.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
THE wooppEcKER AS A PIANIST.

4 close observer of birds and their
habits is convinced that the peculiar
sound made by 4 woodpecker with its
bill is intended As a substitute for vocal
music, the bird selecting one particular
spot upon the trunk or bough Of the
tree, which spot is naturally sonorous
by the wood being more or less hollow
cd by decay. The bird returns TO this
precise spot continually during the day,
produces the sound by striking on the
tree with its bill, the stroke being re-
peated with rapidity that is really
incomprehensiblc, for it quite eludes
the eye. II is effected by vibratory
motion OF the head, but the vibrations
are so quick they look like single
motion. After short pauses this stroke
is again and again renewed, sometimes
for several minutes together. During
each interval the woodpecker. looks
round il and below it with evident de-
light and with an apparent challenge of
admiration. The beautiful crimson
crest is more or less erected. The
whole performance evidently takes the
place OF song in other birds. The
nest is not in the same tree rs that
struck by the bill Of the male. Similar
sonorous spots in the trees OF the neigh
borhood are selected il available, so the
observer concludes the hen bird rs she
sits on the nest is sercnaded from differ
ent directions with as much variety in
the sound as the change Of tree may
produce. This is the only case among
the icathered tribes where instrumental
music Is Dracticed.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07
SOLITUDE.
nv ELLA WHEELER.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you:
Weep and you weep alone,
For the sad old earth must borrow IL miTth,
But he has trouble enough Of its own.
Sing. and the hills will answer;
Sigh, Il Is Lost on the air.
The echoes bound 10 joyful sound,
But shrink from voieing care.
Rejoice. and men will seek you;
GTieye, and they turn and 20.
They want full measure Of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
he glad, and your friends are many;
he sad, aud you lose them all,
There are none 20 decline your neetared vine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded:
Fast and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and II helps you live.
Bu, no man can help you die.
There IL room in the halls Of pleasure
For large and lordiy train,
But one by one We must all Gle on
Through the narrow aisles Of pain.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

eI-If spring put forth no blossoms,
in summer there will be no beauty, and
autumn no fruit. So, il youth be triaed
away without any improvement ripper
years will be contemplate, and old age
miserable.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

D6-Mrs. Cramsie wanted a cook.
A colored woman named Malvina Strunk
called on her. else fust class washer
an liner, but / doesn't like to wuk at
dat now, Ise mo- parshul to cookin'."
"Well, it's a cook | want. presume
you can give references or bring testi-
monials to show that you are faithful
and not inclined to change about as
most cooks dor" "Yes'm, Use faithful
fur fac. Ise had the same colored
gemman visitin' me for morn six monfs,
an I've no expectations Of changin' .
at least not till cotton pickin' time. I've
never been 'cused oh being imfaithful.
an hab been married lots oh times.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

pT-The withered leaf is not dead
and lost. There are forces in il and
around it, though working in inverse
order, else how could il rotI Despise
not the rag from which paper is made,
or the litter from which the earth makes
corn.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

n1-"I suppose you have heard of
our dudes. Miss Clarwa?" observed a
New York swell to a Jacksonville girl.
''Oh, yes" she answered, "ihey are
becoming very popular in Florida. We
use them for alligator bait"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

bO-As the next thing TO having
wisdom ourselves is to profit by that Of
others, so the next thing to having
merit ourselves is to take care that the
meritorious profit by us; for he that
rewards the deserving makes himself
one of the number.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

p4-Go with mean people and you
think life is mean. Then read Plutarch,
and the world is proud place, pcopled
with men Of positive quality, with
heroes and demigods standing around
us, who will not let us sleep.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

sJ-The high price Of life, the crown
ing fortune OF man, is to be born to
some pursuit which finds him in en-
ployment and happiness-whether il is
to make baskets or broadswords, or
canals, or statues, or songs.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

sara beautiful Cody life, a noble
manhood, filed full OF facilities and
heroisms. is itself the very best state
ment and the very best defense OF Chris
tianity.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

s@-"Are you any relation to my
sister," He blushed and stammered,
until the young lady, taking pity on
him, solved the matter by saying, "No,
but he would like to be-wouldn't you,
Alfredo"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

g-There's no short cut to excellence.
In every department Of human achieve
ment superiority IS based upon toll,
and success is reached only by effort.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

sW True politeness scorns deception /;
it has kind and honest heart shown in
kind and honest speech and conduct.
Hence il thou wilt be truly polite,
first, feel kindly; secondly, act kindly.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

DD-When thou wishcst to delight thy
self, think Of the virtues Of those who
live with thee for instance, the activ-
ity OF one, and TIE modesty of another,
and the liberality Of third and some
other good quality Of fourth.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

sy-All who have meditated on the
art Of governing mankind, have been
convinced that the fate OF empires GER
tainly depends on the education Of the
young
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

I@-To preserve ourselves happy, il
is not enough that we have external
sources Of comfort; we must keep open
the well strings Of contentment and
peace within.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-07

EXTENSIVE STOCK
Fine Diamond, Pearl, Coral,
Amethyst and Cameo Sets,
Etruscan and Enamel Sets,
Opera, Leontine and Vest
Chains, Necklaces, Loekets,
Pendants. &c.
English and American Gold and Silver Watches.
Fine Silver Wsre. my own manufacture.
Triple silver Plated Ware,
Table Cutlery, Fine Bronzes, dc.
All description Of HAIR JEwELRY made. and
REPAIRlHG done in the neatest manner
call Is respectfully solicited. April li',s3y.
ions :. Cuttings. wy. n. nosL.r.
The herald. (Big Stone City, Dak. [S.D.]) 1883-1890, 1883-10-05
IrGc Poetry.

The Press and Dakotaian says that
Dakota is losing it's prestige as from
tier territory. The world is surround
ing it. booming it, selling it Tor four
OF five times its value and causing the
states Of the east to grow as green
with envy as were our virgin praiTleS
with native grass elght years ago.
They begin to want To llaport some OF
our billiards.. become possessed Of
some Of om aikali, divide with rs one
Of otH sample Dakota dloaths, take q
portion II onr productive desert
wastes ANYTHING 10 keep the people
with them ant prevent them from
pursuing the setting SUI to the famed
land If tht D3kotas The white man
and the White woman and then White
children. are driving the Indian AID
the grasshoprer from tn. land and Il
does au. seem that VT shall ger as,.tsn
hear the uhoep Of the fantastic s1vaga
~ listen to thu patter apnn the root -
tie nINrlads Of aerial insects Whlcn II
times gone ~ honored us with tAe.1
visits,
The herald. (Big Stone City, Dak. [S.D.]) 1883-1890, 1883-10-05
SECccss in Dakota,

flare ', aa, '''0 ti'p''oil "H "Iue4 10 SET
oN,'t' ",t"' says ll1G SIOUX ans IieSS,
~ (p',vI''il'oI'iN administers leW words
w. "''o''So.''e I>@. ""Flco 10 people VINO
va, " ''''( ' ~ ~ o'' 700 laSt' IL points out
,;', ~ ,'1 '''i'' le""l" I" puck ana pa
'.},n, ''l'' l,oloet|'al'ce' ana tothoh-
t>'. ,o,',.' 'I'o i|Ii'lei I,i'' ne must Oe con-
''1, I'nI ~ razor ana Walt In oEdeI 10
i.''til +D,' 'nc S rewards ~ Nii'cn Dakota Las
~, ~. 'Nc1S 'l"Ho ol li40'Soi
The herald. (Big Stone City, Dak. [S.D.]) 1883-1890, 1883-10-05
concerning Nails.

Many persons are puzzled 70 under. :.
Sand what the term "1olIpehny,
..iynenny," and .'tenpelny, mean
80 .,nnlied 10 nails. "Iourpenny
~ means four pounds to the Thousand
nails. ..sixpenny" means SIX pounds
ntha thousand. and 50 on. II IS al
a13 Inollsl term, and meant ut first
..tenpnl,na nails (the thousand beng
,,,d d4,stool). hut tire old English clip
pel it to ,.tenpun and from 'hat y
lagenerated until penny was subsfI-
tnfed 1or pound, v hen . Thousand
,s,lls weigh less than one pound. they
80 n,1leI hrads. tacks, ETC.. and ale
recLoneu - hy ounces. v ahpeton Gaz-
cite.
The herald. (Big Stone City, Dak. [S.D.]) 1883-1890, 1883-10-05
.uryeyer Roy MD President.

YoHn4 Peoples Life ot George Washington.
Ry William ii Thayer Elzrvir edll7n IA.
,ares. BREWER type, laalei " hi lstrtt-
ions. Extra cloth, 80 cents halt RussIf, rel
edges, 65 cents
S06ther name has received such universal
homage as that OF Washington. Eawartt fvtf-
at sloke int the verdict otthe world wAea
IL pronounced Washington, : u ;tll tn len
thatsi1ayc ever lived, the creates o ge5i laelt
a,4 fIr best ii good men Frederick the
treat. whose name ranks With those 81 Aies-
ander, Casar and Neloleon declared 80
deeds Il be-. the most brilliant u any ii tie
annals al military achievement
Whether III school boy, SURVEYOR hpF,
I,ditn tigbter member of Congress, cela-
malller-ln-lh hief, or President, us lie Nas
tulI ot striking incident, atli eFt.i an eAant-
p.e Is thrill and inspire a11y Yeuth y 9se
heart putsates With tile Tree ald vigorous
blood ol the Anglo saxon race
Mr. Thaver. tire author ot the present work
inst published. las proved by Ills world lsifl-
,,ns R,ps OF Lincoln, : From Pioneer + alAe
j, tbe White House, and OF Carried, prom
In. cabin Is the " Whte House, writer
,.yt.,se rell is wonderfully suited tolts theme
III ,,r,irS with an enthusiasm worthy 81 hls
s9AQet. With viyidly drawn Tleares q tife
.t1,,Irs and scenes through winch he passed,
t,aotilIg the language oi his trends anu con-
nllelaries autt eroWdmg the pages Will ap-
,,,,,,. LITE Illustrative anecdotes, he makes
iIf fI1aes and the characters seem present
re.IitIe. ia the reader. Ills book Will at
,,4ra IT, accented as one OF the best OF the
Irf. al Washington, not Tor young people
#a,.ly Int ter older folks ts Well. Il Is hot
s,.a hy dealers but only direct by the pub
.IAher' Who will send Il loo page descriptive
catalogue Of his attractive and faihuuslF
cleal publications tree Oh request. Iohn p