Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1883-07-18
The FOOLS Errand.

The FOOLS Errand.
There are more such errands than one
The northern reconstruclionists who wen
south at the close of the war to plant fire.
state notions and principles, is not ou
only fool. Such men may not be very
numerous, nor such errands be very fire
quently Or generally undertaken. but still
they exist, and have. all along the ages
/ The removal of the tobacco using habit il
such an errand, and he who undertakes i
is one of the biggest kind of fools. II,
must be an out and out "crank." Notice
proof or two:-
| l. 1t is wide spread, we'll nigh uni
versal vice. 1t numbers its votaries by
the millions. There are said to be more
than eight millions in the United State.
alone. These millions are from all classe
of society. They are not alone from the
poorer and meaner classes who lounge al
street corners, or in filthy saloons an6
bar rooms, or who dig and delve, but
from the upper classes $50 called) as well
There are well clad clerks and merchants
and bankers. and judges, and statesmen
and ministers, too. who puff their cigar
and chew their cud with all the gusto and
delight of the merest bloat. 1t meets you
everywhere-at the grocer's, at the drug.
gists at the barber's; and moments
tarry at the post Office soaks ana saturates
you through and through. Beef you can
refuse to eat if you wish; fish and vegeta
bles you are at liberty to reject at your
pleasure; but tobacco, and that, too
second handed,you can't escape, no matter
how cordially you hate it, or how sick ii
may make you.
We once took ride on the cars when
very sick with disease of the throat.
We soon learned that we gave an unpleas.
ant scent to the car, and were not disposed
to complain that we were invited to retire.
But man may sit down before you in
the train befouled all through with the
sickeuing odor of tobacco, and who will
second your motion for him to retire
You may 90 out on beautiful morning
for breath of Gods pure air, but who
will vote you gentleman for protesting
against the pollution of the whole street
or sidewalk for rods before youP You
can't get away from it, and, if you try
it you are fool! If you take the steamer
or the cars, or the stage it is there; If you
take the wings of the morning and
dwell in the uttermost parts ofthe sea even
there will its smoke becloud and its juice
besmear you. 1t is almost an omnpres-
ent nuisance. What folly then to resist it :!
What presumption to raise your puny arm
against it! When the United States will
expend $610,000,0 900 for tobacco, and only
$6,00O,0O0 for all its clergymen, what a
FOOLS errand to cry, down with tobacco!'
Why sir blow at tobacco is not only Il
blow at the million of soakers, suckers aud
respectable men of all classes, and boys,
and women, who use it, but it is blow
as well at the commerce and indus.
tries of the nations. Don't you know
that in the United States alone we consume
more than 100,000,00O pounds, besides
billion and a quarter OF cigars?
What II crazy fanatic, then must that
man be who attempts the suppression OF
an evil like this! Why not attempt
something possible, and not such UtO
plan project What do you want to get
everybody down on You for9 What
mortal use is there in itp Fight some sin
in Jerusalem. pitch into polygamy out in
Utah, give Buddhism and other forms of
Paganlsm kick; but don't make yourself
unpopular, and spoil your influence for all
good, by any hot and radical warfare
against the ''harmless innocent pleasure"
of so eteUatjng and purifying and dignyy-
ing and manly an employment as chewing
and smoking tobacco. oh, no; don't do
that!
1t may be true, as statisticans tell us,
that the human family is annually con.
suming over four billions pounds, at an
expense of over two billions of dollars
enough to build thousands of railroads,
hospitals, universities and school
houses and that of the fourteen hundred
who people this globe three hun
dred millions or more are addicted to this
habit, of whom thousands spend more for
its qualification than they do for the bread
they eat; yet, for all this, it will not do to
and hotly oppose it. And, too.
it may be true that this army is growing
army; that the boys pick up the stubs
thrown away by their elders, and soon
are veterans; that other stubs are ground
up and soaked in poisons and made into
first class cigarettes which breed and
mature smokers rapidly, if not something
and yet no earnest remonstrance
must be uttered. 10 fight Darwinism, and
and materialism, and Roman
ism is wise and proper, but to fight tobac.
coism is the errand OF fool!
Clergyman especially have a hidher
and holier calling. 1t is refreshing TO
notice how many classes of persons there
are who are greatly concernedfor the purely
Of the clergy. The unprncip led politician
wants him to keep out of his dirty pool.
The rumseller does not want him to
besmirch himself by contact with his
unholy traffic. And the lihertine and
gambler and Sabbath breaker are equally
for the spotlessness of his holy
garments. Dear souls, how kind they
are! All hell will vote him good |
and holy man if he will only betake him
self to some lofty eminence, and shut his |
eyes, and close his ears, and gag his |
mouth. But these live, wide-awake,
open-eyed, open-eared and outspoken |
men, how hell hates them! And what
fools they are!
II. 1t is an exceedingly tenacious and
vice. 1t not only has many
votaries, but these votaries are held with a
nerciless grip. 1t cost something to
earn the vile abomination; and it costs
no less to quit it. 1t is usurper upon the
hrone of appetite and pleasure and affec.
ion. Its qualification is demanded and
secured again and again at the expense of
scores of other pure and lawful demands.
Food and clothing and comforts and ioys
greatly needed must pay it tribute.
Business and the companionship of dearest
friends are ofttimmes powerless in the
presence of its pleadings. A filthy smok.
ng car, hardly decent for hog, often has
more charms than the rich companionship
of the cultured, or the sweet fellowship Of