The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-03-08
THE ARKANSAS HOG.

The following was sent from Eureka Springs,
Arkansas, to n. VI. Purviance, of this city, BY
Z" Korporal Kazy," and is published by request /:
MIR. CHAIRMAN;-My proposition is that where
there is low civilization there is high Democra-
cy. If you will show me a County, State or
community that raises long, lean. lank gaunt
cadaverOus, lop-eared, slab-sided razor-back.
m-splitting. thistle-digging hogs, / will show
you Democratic majority. 1t was my fortune
or misfortune, to see some years ago, near Mays
willie, Benton Comfy, Arkansas, n specimen of
this persuasion of hog. His ears had been
chopped half way up, and yet he had enough
left to eclipse the MOON He was hump bac ked
and leach particular hair stood on end, like
quilts upon the iretful porcupne." HIS snout
would have made Jumbo rage with envy, and
at his sight the ghost of the elder Hamlet would
have died of grief There he stood in the Jack
oak brush, "wTapt in the solitude of his own
originality" / was amazed, puzzled, perplexed.
My first impression was that he was the ghost
of the "lost cause'-evidenty he was a lost
cause Of some kind. His sides were a living
argument against the contraction of the curren-
cy. His backbone was sidc-spitting Joke.
He looked like the chrome of panic | conld
think of nothing for the purpose of hog he
wonld apply To except, perhaps, spar-ribs; in
that think he was a success. He looked like
a clothes-horse crossed with the nightmare. He
thin the painted shadow of a porous
plaster, and seemed to be abdominally insolv-
ent. Not much u known of his ancestors hnt
| think he was sired 10y an alligator and damned
by everybody in the community. He seemed
debiliated, and sadly in need of tonics He
vas a melancholy hog. think he was an or
phan, aud that his folks died of galloping over
neighboring fences, and consuming the contents
of eVerybody's truck patch except their own
cTS. Evidently lac was a self-made hog: had
service; had stood AZ the mast He
was living picture of before taking" He
seemed to lie afflicted with scurvy, complicated
with bone SPAWN. He was u breathing photo
graph of death in the primer" His family
physician must have been a quack, and he the
victim of malpractice. Elsewhere. | would
have thought that he had been fed ON hoop
skirts. He looked like the vignette ON a patent
nostrum for ''anti-fat.' He was walking vol
ume political economy; a living witness for
the doctrine of supply and demand. For reach
ing down into the for hidden treasures dig
ging cisternS,s or mining, he may have been
fnl, but for the purpose of a hog he was dis
NAL failure. lie was a bad lot; his mother was
an old SOW. He may have been honest, but lie
had hal cuIntenance He had "A hideous
Ishmaelitish look about him. i think he was
an outlaw. think he disobeyed the law in
regard to a legal fence. ! think he was a CON-
mon thief, and would steal anything he could
get his alligator jaws on, and then refuse to get
fat As TO contributing anything to the wealth
of the country, he was a snare and delusOn.
And yet this graceless ghost of hog this de-
formed. unfinished, lantern iawed burlesque of
a brute; this tleshess rack of bones; this law
less villain, desperate, aud son of a SOW, finds
a hiding place, home and habitation in the
bosom of Arkansas Democracy. Is comment
necessary! ] inquired of my travelling cont
paniUn il this was an extreme ease of the mel
ancholy hog and he informed me that lie had
lots of friends aud relatiOns-thlt there was
large family Df him. Aud the moral of the tale
Of this hog is this: At this very moment, as |
can prove 10y the dates, canvass was in pro-
publican party hi'l not even have a ticket or an
organization.