The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1883-05-10
BEGONE. Dull cARE
What the Funny Fellows are Saying In the ser
papers.

what the Funny Fellows are saying In the NewE-
papers.
Some people are like weIl-used rocking
chair; they are always on the go. but never get
ahead.-BostOH Transcript.
Prisoner, why did you kill your wife ?"
" Because life with her had become unbear-
able'
g You should have separated from herr
p" had promised that [ would never desert
her while she lived.
Hint for liars about the weather.
" never remember anything like this season
for dryness. Three months without any RAIN
" BAH That's nothing Now, in 1916. I
remember, we didn't have drop Of rain for
eighteen months F"
Johnnie said the teacher, lie can be
acted as well as told. Now, if your father was
to put sand in the sugar, and sell it, he would
be acting lie and doing very wrong That's
what mother told him." said Johnnie, impetu-
eusly, and he said he didn't eare."-N T. I..E-
aHiaer.
Mrs. Hunter to dry goods clerk: eff YOU
viii cut me small sample Of this / viii find
out from my dressmaker how MANY wards /
need, and send for the goods by the maidD
Enfant Terrible Hunter. "Why. mamma,
that's just what you said in ali the other
stores +"
What win it be % said Brooklyn druggist
to a well dressed young man who stepped up
to his soda fountain. Blood Beg your
pardOn?" Blood - No mistake p" g r. food
was what | said" . We don't keep t. Guess
You know what | mean" That is what they
call 1t in Boston. BE got it.
Her father stood at the gate TALKING with a
gentleman, and the seven-year-old miss threw
out several hints about supper being ready
without success At length anxious and i'm
patient, she called out from the side staop:
Papa, If you don't come right into supper the
ice cream will all get cold "-Detfoit Free
Press.
This IS from the French: "And so, says the
narrator, closing his story, they took him I'D
TO the cemetery in a g0Id-mOunted hearse with
four black horses, and all the bands in the
garrison playing the Dead March, Very
grand, dessay," remarks his listener, /" but I
don't care for style. Going to the cemetery on
foot is good enough for me-
Carrying the war into Africa Visiting Bri-
ton" 4a-aS, Miss WOsalind-but your pOlitic-
ians-aW-are a lot of blawsted cads, v knav.
You are-aw-wuled by a set of vicious was
Gals whom you wouldn't dweam -aw-invit-
ing 70 your house." RosaIind-" True; but in
England you are governed by persons who
wouldn't dream of inviting you to theirs
Life.
Caught: Army candidate -"And I only
Couldn't for the life of me think where tho
Straits Of Macassar were" Fond father-''Oh.
L say, you ought to have known that Fancy
the Straits of Macassar!" Army c, adidate-
Well, didn't, anyhow. By the way, where
are they, dad?" Fond father" Oh-whers
are they? Oh-er-they' re-weIl, they re-but
don't you think we'd better go in to luneh?
London Punch.
Guying the Californians: They have a. quies
way of guying us. these Eastern folks, which
IS not altogether pleasant. For instance a Bos-
tonian staying at the Palace Hotel lately re-
marked TO an old forty-niner: q You are a
curious and dissatisfied people here, it seems to
me- How sol? g Well, / have been study
ing your great City Hall and it seems to me
that the design must once have been very har-
monious. Why could you not have left it sO?"
" Left 1t So Why, we are only just building
1t !" oh, | thought you were pulling is
down." Tableau.-Saa francisco Nelrs Letter.