The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-20
HUMOR.

THE fashion Of short sleeves never
makes pretty arms, but it is more than
probable that pretty arms made short
sleeves fashionable.
In one shoe factory in Lynn are thirty
women, all of them divorced wives.
And vet every one of them would con-
slider herself insulted should anyone in
sinuate that she is not true to the last.
SATIRE can no further go than when
Sam Johnson said to a BOBBY, "f /
have said anything that you under
stand, sir, humbly crave the pardon Of
the rest of the company"
A vocATIoN-First small girl: Il
know what I'm going to be when I
grow up!" Second ditto: what are
you going to be when you grow up?"
First small girl: "a widder"
IT is good thing to wish that your
friend had the keys of Heaven that he
might let you in, but it is more practi-
cal to wish he had the keys of the other
place that he might let you out.
"AH," said fond mother, VI should
be glad If my son were to marry-then
l could train his wifel" The boy told
her never to make that remark again,
or he couldn't get a girl to speak to
him.
WHY bugle trimmings are so called:
"Why are those things on your dress
called bugle trimmings?" George want
ed to know. "Oh," Emma replied
lightly, because pa blows so over the
bill"
FORGIVEN: "Yes," said Deacon Snaggs,
"that fellow stole my horse, but / shall
not prosecute him. He traded the ami
NAL to that COMPOUNDED old scamp, Zeke
Hasham, for 5000 more than it was
worth, so L forgive him the theft. -
Boston Post.
MISTRESS who, desiring to press out
some articles, calls to the servant In the
kitchen through the speaking tube
Bridget, put down hatiron for me
Immediately" Bridget, lately arrived
at Castle Garden" Yes, mum; will We
have it hot or cowld? 2"
"CoME now, father" exclaimed q
Brooklyn girl, in joyous expectation of
many pleasant reminders of the season,
as there anything you enjoy more than
the Christmas tide?" "Yes, my dear"
he said rather solemnly, ~ would en-
JOY it more if your mother was tongue
tied"
A CITY chap who had escorted q coun-
try girl to the theatre, thinking to please
her, went out and bought some apples
When he placed them in her lap she
spoke up, loud enough to be heard all
about what do you take me fora
cider-mill? ?" The city chap collapsed;
he couldn't stand the press.
LITTLE TOMMY was very hungry and
said Mamma, may L have some bread
and sardines 2" The proud mother re-
piled Not now, Tommy, wait until
am ready TO give you what is coming to
YOU" The hungry little boy, with tears
in his eyes, responded: "But, mamma,
it's me that's hungry, not you"
THE parrot is an initiative bird. When
it lives near church, it becomes bird
of pray. 1t viii also acquire crude pro-
family, with which it delights to shock
the sensibilities Of people coming out
or going into the church. The parrot
is an evergreen. 1t never drops its TO-
liage in the fall of the year, but retains
its verdure from one years end to the
other. The parrot will live on almost
anything. 1t will live on to 100 years
of age, unless something extraordinary
happens.
No OTHER nation can compete with
the English in sending out missionaries
to the heather, yet there is an unlimited
supply of criminals and paupers at
home, that might be converted and 9TH
erwise assisted. England reminds one
of Bobby's mother. She was very
good kind-hearted woman to everybody
except to the members of her immediate
ladys boy in tattered and torn con-
dition, and the following remarks were
passed: Bobby, why don't your mother
sew up Your trousers?" Cause she is
at the vestry sewin' for the heathen.'"
Tends SUtings.
AT q New York wedding, the March
played on the organ was composed by
the bridegroom. About year from now
we would like to have him compose
another march, after he has got up of
o'clock in the morning and run q
mile after q doctor, because the street
cars have stopped running, and been ar
rested twice by policemen, as a suspic-
ious character, before he finds the doc
tors house. There will be less orange
blossoms about the second march, and
more saffron tea, less lace and satin, and
more linen and flannel, less Of the odor
of roses and more catnip. The COM
poser will never realize that he is mar
ried until he composes another march.
-Peck's Sun.
What Kansas City Young People Read.