Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1883-03-24
MASHED" THE WAX WOMAN

What was the doctor at your house for
this morning?" asked the 'groceryman. "Is
your ma sick"
No, Ma is worth two in the bush. It's
Pa that amt well. He is having some
trouble with his digestion. You see he
went to the exposition with me as a guide,
and that is enough to ruin any mans diges-
ton. Pa is near-sighted, and said he want
ed me TO go along and show him things,
Well, never had so much fun since Pa fell
out of the boat First, I made him lump
clear across the aisle, there where the
stuffed tigers are, by the fur place. ! told
him the keeper was just coming along with
some meat to feed the animals, and when
they smelled the meat they just cawed
things. He run against show case, and
then wanted to so away He said he travel
ed with circus when he was young, and
no one knew the dangers of fooling around
wild animals better than he did Well, YOU
would died to see Pa there by the furni-
turc place, where they have got beautiful
beds and chairs. There was one blue chair
under glass case, all velvet, and sign was
over 1t telling people to keep their hands off,
IA asked me what the sign was, and | told
him it said ladies and gentlemen are request.
ed TO sit IN the chairs and try them. Pa
climbed over the railing and was Just going
to sit down on the glass showcase over
the chair, when one Of the walk around fel-
lows with police hats took him by the COL
lar and yanked him him back over the rail.
ing, and was going to kick pas Pants. Pa
was mad to have his coat collar pulled up
over his head, and have the set of his coat
spoiled, and he was going to sass the man,
when toldPa that the manwas 4 lunatic from
the asylum, that was on exhibition, and Pa
wanted to go away from there. He said he
dlda't know what they wanted to exhibit
lunatics Tor. We went up stairs TO the pan
cake bazar, where they broi pancakes out
Of self-rising flour and put butter and sugar
on them and give them away Pa said he
could eat more pancakes than anv man out
OF Jail, and wanted me to get him some.
took couple of pancakes and tore out a
piece OF the lining Of my coat and put it be-
tween the pancakes and handed them to pa,
with paper around the pancakes. Pa
didn't notice the paper nor the cloth, and it
would have made you laugh 10 see him
chew on them. I told him I guessed he
didn't have as good teeth as he used to, and
he said. Never you mind the teeth and he
kept on until he swallowed the whole busi-
ness, but he said he guessed he didn't want
any more. But I thought 7 should split
when Pa wanted Il drink of water. |
asked him if he would druther have
mineral water, and he said he guessed
it would take the strongest kind of
mineral water TO wash down them pam
cakes, so | took him to where the fire
extingushers are and got him to take the
nozzle Of the eXtinguisher in his mouth, and
| turned the faucet. don't think he got
more than quart of the stuff out ofthe sal
cratus machine down him, but he rared
right up and said he'd be condamned if he
believed that water was ever intended to
drink, and he felt as though he should bust.
and just then the man who kicks the big or
gan struck up, and the building shook, and
guess Pa thought he had busted The
most fun was when we came along TO where
the wax woman is. They have GOT n wax
woman dressed mp to kill, and she looks
just as natural as if she could breathe. She
has Il handkerchief in her hand, and as we
came along | told Pa there was lady that
seemed 10 know him. Pa is on the mash
hisself, and he looked at her and smiled,
and said good evening" and asked me who
she was. told him it looked to me like
the girl that sings in the choir at our church
and Pa said course it is and he went right
IN where she was and said, Pretty good
show, ism it, and put out his hand to shake
hands with her, but the woman who tends
the stand came along and thought Pa was
drunk, and said, 'Old gentleman, l guess
you had better get out Of here This is for
ladies only Pa excused himself to the
the wax woman, and said he would see her
latter. MlWaukce Sun.