Connecticut western news., 1883-04-11
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS. WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO LAUGH
 OVER THIS WEEK. Peck's Bad Boy ARain-An AristOcratic Dog A Depot JOke-Hints to Pianists,
 etc., etc.
POOLING WITH A JOKE.

asked a customer of the Stua's Union Square barber.
 "He is lait up from fooling init an Ing-lish choke-dot kind of a rittle were von word means choost der same und also someding deefrent, alretty. Dere comes ill man und to me says, You peen marrit, ain't it?' 'Yes,' says, a leedle vonce.' 'Ven,' he says, ven is your vife not lady half der dime? We'll, now, I peen piggy too much to waste much dalk on such nicker minsdrel dings, so I says, T gif it right away Your vife is in der day time lady, says he, but not at night, because ef- fiery night she is a-bed.
 "Dot monkey barber he had to vent und fool init dot choke. He goes right away ofer to de peer saloon und sees der enchineer from der corner arount, und says to him, Your vie is no laty, und 1 can proof it. Dot chendleman he vent on choost like bile-drifer, and chumped on der parber's negk und chucked him arount undil der barber vos in four or fife places at vonce He sent for me, und so soon reckernized him sayt:
 "'Ah, ha! dolt you so. If you fool yourself init some purns you peen sure to gatch fire. "
 AN ARIsToCRATIC DOG.
 There were two of them, one man, the other dog. The man was a tall, raw-boned specimen of humanity and his face wore an expression of care. He held little string in one hand and at the other end of the string was very aesthetic pug dog. The faces bore 8 striking resemblance to each other, but there was certain aristocratic look about the pug's face and he daintily raised one of his paws and shook off a coal-dust that had settled thereon.
 "Will yez blaze tell where the perlice station is, till take this little Satan there }"
 "Why, that dog looks like good ami nal" remarked the reporter.
 The descendant of an ancient line oi Irish kings drew himself up and look of pity stole across his face.
 Good dog? He's bloody aristocrat an he's been the bane of me life fur the last foive days" He gave the string { , vicious jerk and continued: q came home from me work a few days since and me wife says: Faith, an look at tht purity crature we've got for Teddy to play wid.' At supper gave him an intelli gent piece of steak, an yez will hardly believe it, but he turned up his nose an walked off. An the only thing he wut ate w1ls poi an cake. An he'd sleep nc place but ill me own bed on wun of tho pillows. I stud it four days, an, bt hevings I'll stand it no longer. I'm nc aristocrat, an dog what ates poi ane cake is too high-toned for me. Get or
 ter the mug of him. and giving tn.
 string an extra hitch he started ill tn,
 direction of the police station, while tn,
 aesthetic canine's hind legs merely grazet
 the sidewalk.
 HIS RICH JOKE.
 The other day a baggage-wagol f brought trunk to the Union Depo which was labeled:
 , Dynamite within-smash if yol 9 dare p
 The trunk was closely followed by
 young man who had about seven minute I to get his check and catch the train , When he presented his ticket and asket l for check the baggage-master replied: a ''This trunk can't go as baggage" I "Why?"
 '"The contents are dangerous. Youl , have to remove it from here at once o
 I'll make you trouble"
 ''But there is no dynamite within" n ''There is the warning"
 "Yes, but that was for joke on tn p baggage-smashers."
 f ''Young man, 8 railroad never jokes h Get that trunk out of here."
 "Come, old fellow, it was only in fun, e entreated the smart Aleck. 1T hay e only four minutes to catch the train. "
 "If you do not remove the dangerou
 trunk I shall have to call an officer" wa l
 F. "I tell you it is not dangerous. I "Let me inspect it."
 This was grudgingly acceded to, an . nothing more dangerous than four shirt h which sadly needed washing were dis f covered. By this time the train had dc if parted, leaving the joker with eight hour !, on his hands, and as the trunk was re O locked he was handed & scraper and tn . advice:
 e "Young man, it might be safer for yo r to label yourself with something like ,- 'Perishable-no delay You are evident
 ly too ripe for this section. Now scrap l. that sign off, or the trunk can't go."- l. Detroit Free Press.
 a HINTS FOR PIANIsTs g A mildmannered little man, who e, . plained that he was the father of eiol
 musical prodigies, has kindly tendere e an exchange for publication the follow e ing hints, gleaned from his own observ, W ton and experience, upon the instru, J. tion of very small children on the piano tt forte: The child should sit squarely O e high stool, so that it cannot possibl d reach the loud pedal. If the child hs st very long legs, it would be as well, pel
 haps, to take the pedals off or chain th
 legs to the stool. The habit which mo- D. children have of sucking their thumt }. should be encouraged in the youthfl d player, when performing for compan, 3, It looks cute, and the guests will be il IS fnitely better pleased with the musi