The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-10-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

| as far as heard from their illumination
is not nearly so light as their receipts.
There is young lady in New York
| City who makes, it is said, about $50
| calls nearly every day of her life. Oh,
| you need not look SO disconnected, miss;
she works in telephone office.
A happy family; Neighbor- Your fam
'ly looks contented and happy. Mother
Yes: the boys are happy because
| they're through with their whipping
and the girls are happy because they
didn't get any.
Junior Alley, who was rejected by
his Polly Ann because, in the ardor of
| the moment he was abashed, and used
ungrammatical expressions, thinkshis re-
lection was a polytechnical one.-Bostoaa
folio
Mamie says you can't come to see
her any more" said boy to his sister s
admirer. ''Why not?" because you
come to see her seven nights a week
now, and how could you come any
more?" Silence was the only answer.
rs their anything wrong in kissing?"
he asked her, as they stood together at
the garden gate. Certainly there u.s.
she briskly replied; then slowly and soft
ly added, after pause, ''if there's any
one looking"
A writer in a scientific monthly asks:
"How was man distributed on earthP''
According to the account of recent
nitroglycerine explosion, he was distrib-
uted on the earth in several hundred
pieces; but perhaps this is not the man
referred to.
The reason given out why the Queen
did not mention John Brown in her re-
cent address to Parliament, is that Mr.
Gladstone always looks over the proof
prior to its delivery. and that he '.killed'
the passage relating to the Scotch
gillie.
a Texas steer was loose in the street
at the West End, in Boston, the other
day, and it is unnecessary to say more
of the way things were going on. A
sick man in the house heard the disturb
ance, and looking up YEARLY at his
nurse, said: Il do wish that Harvard
student would go home.''
The Evangelist tastefully remarks:
8" How to Attain the Life Beyond is
the title of a fifty cent book. We don't
want to disturb the authors right to
monopoly of the book, but as he failed
TO mention the toy-pistol and the early
apple we think he did not exhaust the
subject.
A Vermont girl paid $50 for parro
and hung it up in its cage on the front
porch. Next day she gave small boy
rs cents to take it away. The boy won
dered why, until the bird suddenly
stuck its head on one side and exclaim-
ed in loud voice; kiss me-kiss me
quick. 81 Burlington Free Press.
OF the 5000 Neutrality-suspicious. in Phila-
delphia, $500 set up free lunches. s'Dot
loonch, said proprietor to a Press
reporter, 'vaS cosdt more den rend
Scoop nearly Won tollar, fih-gakes about
ninety cents und de butter und bread
viii make up aboud six tollar Dot is
Wy | hat no money got. Dot loonch
piznes don'd like. y
A successful strike occurred when the
Richmond night express struck a negro
walking on the track, who got glimpse
of the locomotives headlight just before
being landed in the woods a dozen or
two yards from the road line. His first
conscious words were: For de Lords
sake, boss, who frow'd dat lantern at
me?'-
If you wish to make man perfectly
miserable send him an important mes
sage by telephone. Tell him to be sure
to meet you at hotel az a certain hour,
say. But when he asks YOU who you
are, don't understand him, and don't
give him your name. He'll fret off a
pound of flesh an hour trying to make
out who it is that has telephoned him
Boston Post.
Little Edith was taking her first les
sons in geography. Her mother pointed
| out to her upon the map the States,
rivers, towns, etc. Edith proved re-
markedly apt scholar. and seemed to
understand it all. Yes she said
that's riber, and that's town, and"
running her fingers along the lines
of latitude and longitude" them's
the wire fences, mamma, cumming ev'y-
where. "-BoSt0n Transcript.
Miss Phoebe Couzins, who was in
the vicinity of the Minnesota cyclone,
was reported among the lost. She
writes that she is safe. 1t appears
that when she saw the cyclone approach
| ing she commenced to deliver one of her
women's rights speeches. when the
bosom of destruction suddenly turned
on its heel and went bowling howlfully
| oyer the prairies in another direction.
| -Norrtst0CR Herald
''See here" said the star to the man.
ager, ''if you are going to have bouquets
| handed to me every night. why don't
YOU get decent ones? Look at this, to-
night is; its all wilted. Why can't al
ways have as good bouquet as had
last night?" LAS good q bouquet as
Sou had last night?" shrieked the man=
ager; ''why, holy sunfiower, its the same
one. "-LoweN Citizen.
Don't like the bed?" said the hotel
clerk. astonished at the presumption of
the complaining guest. "Why, some
of the best people, some of the high
| tonedest folks in the United States have
siept In it., Yes, that's just the
trouble responded the guest; II found
last night there were altogether too
many big bugs in it for the comfort of
common people like me. "-Boston
Transcript.
Mrs. Gwendolyn Van STYLE: And,
Griffin. always remember to offer the
salver for the gentleman card. Griffin
(elevating himself to tiptoe1; Yes N.
Mrs. G. Van S.: And, under no eirc UNI
! stances, Griffin remain waiting in the
drawing-room until | come down, as
yoa did yesterday. Griffin Gets him.
self softly down 10 his heels again) !:
But suppose. mem. as takes him to be
gent, mem, whatll bear watehin',