Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-07-04

drama called "Storm Beaten" He
should dedicate it TO Virgins. IN. O.
Pic,
BEFORE you criticise a neighbor for
keeping a dog, consider how difficult 1t
IS to lose one when you want to lose
him.
''YEs, said the farmer, "barbed-wire
fence is expensive, but the hired man
doesn't stop to rest everytime he has TO
climb it.
The king Of Italy has been presented
with q valuable horse. His name is
Damascus" A poor name for a horse.
bu! first rate Ole for donkey. -B0s-
ton star.
NEVER engage in anything you
would not open With prayer" says an
orthodox divine. We suppose a special
reference is had to jack pots "-Onaa.
ha Repub.
A New YORK divorce lawyers adver-
t1sement reads: "Hymeneal iucompat-
Utilities, as a specially, carefully adj
Justed. lis slavery TO detain the hand
after the heart hath fed"
A YOUNG lady being told at a recent
fire 10 stand back or else the hose would
pc turned on her, replied, Oh, [ don't
care, they are striped on both sides,
any way. - Columbia Spectator.
ART Americana Mrs. MaIaprop-'sSo
you are going to Paris to study art, are
you? That will be nice. When you
come back you can take all our pho
tOgraphs, can't you ?"-HarVord Lam.
pooh.
The time O day: A Syracuse young
lady has a peculiar mode Of reckoning
time on Sunday. Last Sunday evening
about six o'clock, when asked what time
1t was, she replied: Five minutes Of
Smith"
A SOLUTION. Visitor frequent, SCI
entltic young man, he was now trying TO
explain the philosophy of positivism)-
" / admit the question is abstruse and
compile" She-"Why not pop
it ?"-LOnd0n Punch.
THE man who has a nice place in the
country is to be envied at this time. Al
though he has TO send to the city for all
his fresh vegetables, he can go lie Oh
the grass and let the bugs bite him
PtjLadelDhi0 Chronicle Herald.
SCENE IN a shoe store: What size ?"
''Iwos, please" An interval OF hard
work. do you want pair of shoes,
miss, or only one?" "a pair, OF course"
'FAh yes, I see; twice two are four;
John, stretch pair of No. 4 CATERS"
DISTRACTION. The young lady-"Oh,
aunt, did you observe what a badly
made dress Mrs. Brown had on?"
Aunt (who couldn't bear i" that wom-
al ')-"Ah, that's how it was il fitted
SO well, dear-yesi '-Lond092 Punch.
& CHICAGO girl inagines herself to be
an angel. This illusion will be dis
PEELED the moment she attempts to fly.
There must necessarily be transmigra-
tion of sole8 before q Chicago girl can
hutter like & seraph.-Neae Orleans
Pjcoyune.
SARA BERNHARDT says IN her book
that she was not very pretty as a girl.
We can believe it. We imagine that
Sara at thirteen years of age might have :
looked something ike the afternoon
shadow of patent fire escape.-Neag
orleans Pic0ya1ae.
OUR esteemed local contemporary,
the Times, had an editorial yesterday
to drink ?" When you are drinking
Will LiSs D1CeuSLs YOU GILL nave lu5G
what you call for, if the apothecary mas
it in stock.-LoaOeU Citizen.
AT the Terrace baths last Sunday an
impatient young man walked up to the
door of one of the compartments and,
knocking on the same, testify inquired:
50 When in blazes are you going 70 get
those trousers on ?" There was faint
gigele and a siIvery voice replied:
"When [ get married, suppose ?" He
had mistaken the door; that's au.-Sa12
Francisco Post.
A LADY stood patiently before the re-
ceiving teller's window IN q bank the
other day, but no one took any notice
OF her till she attracted the attention of
the money taker by tapping with her
parasol on the glass. why don't you
pay attention to me ," she said petu-
lantly. ''I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't
pay anything here. Next window,
please was the polite response.
The first quarrel: Philip Fogy, Jr.e
(who had refused, after prolonged dis
cussioD, to get gaudy raiment and take
his wife to the Derblune's fancy balD
morosely: ST wish I had married a
sensible woman" His recently-ac-
quired spouse Ito whom the said ball is
for the moment much more attractive
than Heaven) vindictively: "She
wouldn't have had your
OVERHEARD: First elderly gentleman
to his wife: Ii should not return you
viii get the insurance on my life all
right; good-by." Second hald-headed,
nervous man to his business partner:
Z" [ believe have told you all about my
private financial affairs and my desires;
farewell" What means this solemn
leave-taking? Simply that two of our
richest merchants were going out this
afternoon to join IN game of base bali
between two trade nines.-B0St0e
Globe.
He was seeing the girl he liked best
home from the theaEer, and as they
walked slowly along, the beauty of the
night inspired him to say: COT 8ll the
hapdiworks of nature none are more
beautiful than the frost works on" At
that moment MS feet flew from under