Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-01-27
4 l.EG"II.k: VII.

A disobedient little girl, being told by
her mother that IL MAS necessary that she
should be whipped, said, "Wcll, ma, theh
| suppose must but won't you give me
chluroiUIm tirst:'
"Dil understand you to call me pup
py, sir:" Yes sir, called yod u pup
py." Lucky for You, sir. The insult
i too small to notice; but had YOU called
me dog--an old dog woull have
Knocked you down."
Two ouug men out riding were pass
Ing a farmhouse wh.rc "a farmer MAS
irving TO harness mule. "Wou't Il.
draw Z" said one of the hur>cmru. "OT
course he will" said the farmer, "hc
, draws the attention of every fool that
passes"
"If you would be truly happy, my
dear" said one New York lady Ia Az
other, "you will have neither eyes nor
ears when your husband come, home late
from the club. "lcs, know" answ.r-
ed the other, "earily; 'but what am T.
do win a., uoscy"
"Are you the judge of reprobatrs!'
said Mrs. Parlingior, ~ she waIhcd into
an Office of jddge of probate. 81 am n
judge of probate" MAS The reply. "Wcli,
that's il, expect, quo,h tnc OLD Lady.
"You see my father uicd detcstcd and he
LETT several liule midcI., and Wan. 10
be their cXcculloncr.'
80 you have got twins AT yonr hou,cf'
said Mrs. Bczumbc 30 lilIlc Tommy Sam
Le son. eyes, man, TWO Ui 'cm." "W hat
are yVu going To call iIIrnt" "lhuhGer
and Lightning" "Why, those are
strange names to call children" "Wcl,
that's what pa called them ~ sOon rs he
heard tkey wer, in the house"
Cheyenne men bet on anything. Two
OF them put up five dollars apiece on -
wager Ihal one couid holi n wasp longer
than The other coili, aEd tie fellow vito
rubbed the chlOroiOrm Oh hi- hand cx-
pecled TO win; but the other fellow hap
pencd 10 know that male wasps duu't
sting, aud got one Oi that sex, and they
grabbed their waSps aud ,miicd nI each
other, while the CTOwd wondered, uutii
the chlorofOrm had eyapOrnie'i, aud The
fellow who used II suddenly let go his
wasp and let the audience into the secret
of how to swear the shingles ali of tile
roof
At a dinner party the little ron Of the
host and hostess was allowed to come down
~ dessert. Having bad what bis lnO.her
considered a sufiicieHcy Of fruit, lac was
told lie must not have any more, waen ia
the surprise Of every one Oi the g,ic-ts,
he exclaimed: "lf you dou't Civ. ~. som.
more I'll tell !" A fresh supply WAS at
once giyel him, and as soon Ms II was
finished he repeated his threat; wher.
upon he was suddenly and swiftly re-
moved from the room, but he had just
time to ,onyulse the company by .Aeiaim-
ing: MY new trousers ale made out VI
mas old bedroom curtains"
JudS. Tarb-ll tells the following joke
on himself. a short time after lis retire
ment from the bench he happened 10 meet
All old friend whom he had not seen Tor
some time. The judge, all smiles and
h.arliDrss, efierveseed over his friend in
such way ~ to provoke the inquiry:
"What Office are you a candidate for
now, judge"
Tn. judge made "A depfecaiory move
ment with an outward turned palm, and
said:
FOR none at all, my dear brother; l'm
simply candidate Tor the Kingdom VI
Heaven"
His friend regarded him sorrowfully
for an instant, and then, with more Wit
than polileness, and more profanity than
either, said:
'I'll bet yol don't carry a d-d town.
ship"
Doa5tless the judge lost sight Of the
mans profanity in admiration of iiis sub
timely truthful character. f
When Bishop Whitaker Ma. In Candle
loiar, Nevada, he took stroll in the out
skirt. OF the camp with parry of ladies
and gentlemen. A man was seen labori-
ously turning n windlass which boisted
from shaft bucket flied with rock. The
only thing remarkable about the nia1 at
the winolass wIs is hat, The crown of
Which uas stut clean on, allowing the hot
sun to pour 1own upon perfectly bald
head, some waggisli friend having rrcom-
mended this arrangement as sure To re-
produce crop of hair. The bishop and
his party stood watching the man ioiling
and gruntiug at his heavy labor Tor sew
eraI minutes, and them the kInd-hearted
clergyman spoke up with concern aud
said: my friend, Why doDt you cover
ND your head! The aot SUI will affect
your brsin." brain, 10 iss'' csScd tho
man, as he gave the sIpsIass smother
hesviIy-crcaking revoiutios. ''Bs jsbsrs,
an II had any brains dye ehink Ia Be
here puIlin' ~ this buckess" Tho bishop
and l,is party hastily retired.