davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-09-21
TRAVRLRR's GUIDE.
Trains arrive and depart as fOllOws-oIty time.
unItt,,nra A, nhEn.- AFIy,r Ytv, nfspa mn

Trains arrive and depart a. iollows-City time.
Baltimore d Ohlo-MAN l1SE-DEPART-
LISA m, $50 q N, 2I0 p m, 6.lo p m, 7:o6 m,
o, o. DlS.-G20 am. ais > m, II;i6 ) m, $40 m.
". d P. Div.-leAye- N, G66 q m, EIO
p m, 100 p m ARRIVE-Main Line-l2lS q
"a, l6.20 N, sis . N, $40 N, El6 p m. o, o.
DIy,-6;io p m. $50 N, ass m. W. q p Div
Arrivo-SSo q m, n:s5 q m, Gao JIM, 1c:6opm.
p, Q. d ST. L.-pErART-6:27 q m, eo2 am.
La p m, l:tI p m. AmIyE-S:S7 m, i1:i2 n,
S,S7p N, T07 pm. ti. =
Cleveland, Lorain q wheellnE.-DPAHr
Bridgeport amidst ClRinyille Accommodation, 9:20
m and Sis 2 m: Cleveland, 100 noon; Mlnl'on,
$40 p m. ARRTvE-Ss6 . N, 1910 m, 2:lS m,
ll6 pm. ,aalilT lW gtf0'
Cleveland q Northumberland a
m, 1850 N, 400 p N; steubenville AcOommoda.
uon SIS q N, Wellsville Accommodation EfIS
pm. ARRIvE-l20S Q m, ttS p m, &l2 p mi steti.
benvllle accommodation 2;SS p N, WellsyiLe AZ.
c9mmodRtion GtSAm-, f.E.,Ef
Il, q. q O. RAilWAy-LEAvE BellAIre for
Wootsfield and 91mmertield at 6:i5 m, and ROO
p. m AREryE Of BellIite At 9tSa. IN. and 6:90p Pm,
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-09-21
new GOODS !!
GE0.E.STIFEL & CO..

Anticipating a large Fall and
Winter Trade, we have made our
purchases accordingly, and now
have on exhibit an immense stock
Of Fancy and Staple Dry Goods,
Notions and Dress Trimmings, all
Of which will be sold at the
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-09-21
NEW ApyERrrsEmENrs.

DIOR PENTHOUSE NO % s. PENN
Il street, ISlGnG. AL modern improvements
and IN th0I0ugh order. ga
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-09-21

}, The above sale is adjourned until TUESDAY.
ieiS LIE. JONES, Trustee.
The above sale is adjourned until TuEsDAY,
'1 lRsaI = 1865 II +. JONES, Trustee,
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-09-21

uTANTED-A COMPETENT TIMER
w Good WAGES and steady employment h
A. Albright, 2607 Chapllne street, wheeling, VIVA
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
A Hard Witness.

"Do you know the prisoner well?"
asked the attorney.
Never knew him sick replied the
witness.
mo levity," said the lawyer, sternly
Now. sir, did you ever see the prisoner
at the bar?'
Took many drink with him at the
bar
ANSWER my question. sir" yelled
the lawyer. "How long have you
known the prisoner?
''From two feet up to five feet ten
inches
!, .Will the Court make the
Il have, Jedge." said the witness.
anticipating the lawyer; 81 have an
swered the question. l knowed the
prisoner when he was boy two feet
long and man five feet ten."
Your Honor
s.It's fact, Jedge, I'm under OATH"
persisted the witness.
The lawyer arose, placed both hands
on the table in front of him, spread his
legs apart, leaned his body over the
table and said.
.'Will you tell the Court what you
know about this case?"
That amt his name," replied the
witness. q.
What amt his nameP'
Case"
"Who said it WASP"
"You did. You wanted to know what
1 knew about this case. His names
Smith"
Your Honor" howled tn, attorney,
plucking his beard out by the roots,
Twill you make this man answer"
Witness said the Judge. "you
must answer the questions put to YOU"
Land o. Goshen, Jedge, hain't ]
been doin' it? Let the blamed cuss fire
away. I'm all ready"
Then" said the lawyer, ''don't beat
about the bush any more. You and the
prisoner have been friends?'
Never" promptly responded the
witness.
"What! Wasn't you summoned here
as friend?'
mo, sir; / was summoned here as a
Presbyterian. Nary one of us was ever
Friends. He's al old-line Baptist,
without drop of Quaker in him."
Stand down, yelled the lawyer, in
disgust.
..Hey?n
t.Stand down"
Cant do it, I'll sit down or stand
up"
"Sheriff, remove the man from the
box"
Witness retires, muttering: ''Well.
f he amt the thick-headedest cuss I
ever laid ewes on. "-Uticd Observer.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
There She SpOuts.

About three o'clock the other after
noon, says the New London, Conn
Day, as Captain ID. G. Tinker, an old
whaler, and one of the crew of the
light-ship, were coming from Bartlett's
Reef with the keepers monthly report,
in the large schooner rugged boat at
tached to the ship, Captain Dan dis
covered something in the water, on his
lee bow, which looked strangely I'M
familiar in these waters, and yet pecu-
liarly familiar to Captain Tinker's re-
collection of the days gone by. He
called to the man with him, and pointed
to the object in the water. Just at the
moment monster lifted itself out of
the deep, and the forked spout of a
right whale was cast high into the air,
leaving no further doubt of the in
dividuality of the strange visitor. Capt
ain Tinker estimated that the whale
was at least of sixty barrels capacity,
and had not less than $1,000 worth of
oil and bone inside its carcass. The
sea monster was first discovered about
a mile and a half northeast from the
Bartlett's Reef light vessel, and in the
deep water between Goshen and Bart
let's Reef. Captain Tinker steered to-
ward the whale, tackled and retacked
after him, got within fifteen feet of him
once, and within twelve feet of him
again. He kept the animal in view for
more than an hour, and saw him sink,
rise and spout five successive times.
If there had been a bomb lance on
board there were three certainties of
killing the whale. 1t was too late when
Captain Tinker arrived in the city to
return with a boat and weapons, and
probably the whale is by this time
navigating the temperate waters of
the gulf stream, The right whale is
very seldom seen in the North Atlantic,
and it is more than a hundred years
since there is any record of such fish
in Long Island Sound, although over
quarter of a century ago it is
recorded that parties went right whal-
ing in the waters between Fishers
Island and Montauk Point. If Capt
ain Tinker had two hours more
daylight so that he would have had
time to get a boat out before dark
ness had set in he has no doubt that his
bank account would have been several
thousand dollars heavier.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
A Clerical Joke.

A French paper has gone to the
trouble of collecting number of exam
Piles of the pleasantries and practical
Jokes with which All Fools Day was at
one time celebrated. They are not of
sort to make one regret their disappear
ance. Even ecclesiastics were not above
indulging in these stupid jokes, which
were occasionally of highly irreverent
character. An Elector Of Cologne, for
instance, in the last century, brother of
the Elector of Bavaria, being on one oc-
casion at Valenciennes, announced that
he would preach on the LIST of April,
and large congregation assembled to
hear the discourse. He gravely mount
ed into the pulpit, made the sign of the
cross, stood in a meditative attitude for
a minute, as if mentally recapitulating
the heads of his discourse, and at last
exclaimed, in a voice of thunder, '.April
Fools!" After which he descended the
steps again, chuckling over the humor
of his proceeding, while band of trum-
pets and horns, posted in the church,
made "a tintamarre de tous les diables."
Another practical joke quoted was that
perpetrated by the EUening Star on
March 81, 1916. 1t announced that
a donkey-show would be held next day
in the Agricultural Hall, Islington. A
crowd of connoisseurs assembled there
on April to find the doors closed, and
to become painfully conscious, when too
late, that if there was show of donkeys
at all it was not in the interior of the
buildings James Gazette. =
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
Advance at Your Peril.

"Well, I was beat out of a .splendid
evenings engagement, Sunday night, "
said the cigarette-smoking young man,
the Young man with the well balanced
mind, if parting his hair in the middle
balances his mind. 1t was Monday
evening, and he was unburdening him
self to the drug clerk.
"What was tie trouble" said the
drug clerk, as he took bottle of per-
fumery and squirted some in his hair
and on his vest. Ibid some other fell
low get to the girls house ahead Of
your"
mo, but was stood off. You see, ]
went to the house, and the servant let
me in and was seated in the parlor.
My girl came in the room, with woe
depicted on every feature. She stood
with her head down, her hands clasped
in front of her, so tight that the blood
stopped circulating in her fingers, and
she seemed utterly crushed. 1t made
me sick at heart to look at her, and !
knew something dreadful had happened.
L got up and started toward her, to
take her in my arms, let her head rest
on my bosom, and help her bear the
burden that was evidently killing her,
but before 1 had advanced two steps
she held up her hand and shouted.
Back, back! Advance another step at
your peril!' 1 stopped and tried to
find out what was the matter, but
she would not speak. Finally ]
started for her again, but she
held up her hands again and said: Go,
leave me! am not strong. Go, and
tomorrow will write you all Well,
Invent. Any gentleman would, under
the circumstances, and all night l
dreamed that she was dying, and this
morningI went by her house to see if
there was Grape on the door. I tell you,
Pills, I have suffered more in the last
eighteen hours than man ever suffered
before. 1 could see her laid out, and
the hearse in front of the house, and
everything was as plain to me as though
it had actually occurred. 1 have shad-
owed the postoffice all day, and l just
got this note, explaining it"
Good heavens, she is not dead"
said the drug clerk, as he pounded some
herbs in a mortar.
"No, she is alive, but 1 don't know
what she meant by telling me she was
not strong last night. She writes me
that she had been eating onions for a
cold. That was the reason she told me
to advance one step at my peril. Why,
l could have discounted them onions. !
had been eating limberg cheese all the
afternoon, with the boys, at the poker
rooms and onions wouldn't have made
a first payment on me. Just think what
an evening missed by this COMPOUNDED
superstition about onions. Have a
cigarette, Pills." and the young man
with the well-balanced mind pulled out
a case and treated his friend. and they
sat and smoked in silence until a woman
came in after bottle of castor OIL
Pcck'S Sun.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
The HandsOmest Man in France.

Nowhere in all France can we meet
with men of finer or more robust frames
or of handsomer features than in
Lower Normandy. As & matter'of sta
tistics, the men of the Cotentin, although
unable as body to stand back to back
with the men of the Doubs and Jura de-
partments-the descendants of the
ssseven-feet Burgundians''-have sell
dom to be excluded from the ranks Of
the French cuirassiers on the ground of
insufficient height. As a matter of per-
sonal observation, it is sufficient to visit
Bayeux or CoutaDces on market days
to be convinced that the tall, athletic
looking farmers who are busy over the
sale of their stock or butter belong not
to the conventional French type, but to
a wholly different one, and that leu
tonic or Scandinavian. In point of
complexion, too, we notice, at least in
certain districts, like conformity to
the Northern races. Among the factory
.hands of St. Lo and the artisans of
Coutances a Large proportion are found
to possess TIE fair features-light hair
and blue ey,es-and the long visage
which are cha racteristic of the Danish
and Norwegian types. And the fact of
these peculfarities is rendered the more
when we contrast with the
of these towns and neigh
borhoods that of Gran, -lle-distant not
twenty miles from Cou tances-where
the prevalence of dark and wholly
type suggests the presence OF
4 seaborne colony, possibly of Basque
Quarterly Reviesc.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
When Does Day Begin.
The Ernressmnu's MonthLu SAYS:

Ihe ETpreSSnldH s Monthly says:
l. If a person should start from Gin
cinnati, Monday, at twelve o'clock, and
travel westward with the sun, he would
return to the city on Tuesday at twelve
o'clock. He would enjoy constant noon
during the twenty-four hours on his
journey.
Observe that Monday noon would
change to Tuesday noon without an in
tervening night. Where did the change
occur? Cincinnati is little north of
the thirty-ninth parallel of latitude,
which is a circle much smaller than the
equator, or one of the meridians, hence
the length of a degree on the formeris not
GO. 16 miles, but about 1891 miles. In
travelling around the earth on the thirty
ninth parallel, the distance would not be
$4,000 miles, but $50 times 1891 miles,
or about 1881 miles, which, travelled
in twenty-four hours. would be at the
rate of about 800 miles per hour.
2. All points on the same meridian
have the same time, as Lansing, Mich,
Cincinnati, o., and Chattanooga, Tenn,
also Pittsburgh, Pa, Charleston, S. c.,
and Guayaquil, South America; also
Berlin, Venice, Rome, and Tripoli.
3. Every traveller has observed that on
going eastward his watch has been too
slow and westward too fast. Since
during twenty-four hours every part
of parallel is brought under the sun,
then $50 degrees passes by in twenty
four hours, or in one hour fifteen de-
grees are traversed by the sun. Hence,
IN, hn 1of nf -
about eight hundred miles east of us, is
one hour earlier, and place the sane
distance west of us would be an hour
behind our time. Since fifteen degrees
make one hour difference in time, then
one degree will make a difference of
four minutes: hence at place tifty-three
and four-fifths miles east of us the
clocks are four minutes faster than ours,
and at place the same distance west
of us, the clocks are four minutes slower
than ours. Let A and b start at the
same moment from Cincinnati and travel
at the same rate, the former due east
and the latter due west, they would
meet on the opposite side of the globe
and their watches indicate the same
time. One watch would gain twelve
hours and the other lose twelve. To
prove this, take two clocks and cause
one to gain twelve hours and the other
to lose twelve, and then compare the
time. Theywill indicate the same hour.
4. theoretically day begins at the one
and eightieth meridian, which
divides the Pacific Ocean into nearly two
equal parts; but practically the inter- |
national date Tine varies considerably
from this meridian. The English, Dutch
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
The Stockings Grandma Knit.

The stocking grandma knit; how
much love went into every stitch; how
many prayers were wrought into every
round. Somewhere | once read about
a nun, who bent over her needle work
and as oft as a tear fell from her ewes
upon the snow fabric she wrought about
it and worked it with her delft needle,
until at last the strange design wrought
out touching story of her loneliness
and sorrow. And if we could read all
the dreams and thoughts and prayers
that grandma wrought with those pa
tent needles we would wear the stock
ings she knit on our hearts, rather than
on our feet. For here is a dream of
John, and there is a tear for Chris Rob-
bic, and here is plan for VIII, and
here comes creeping in quivering
strain from some old, old hymn that is
hallowed to US now because her lips
blessed it so often; see how a prayer
quivered all along this round; here the
stocking was laid down while the old
hands turned over the leaves of the
Bible that seemed never to be out of her
lap; here the old eyes looked out across
the pasture and the moving lot down
to the wooded hills where the birds are
answering winds; here the old eyes
slept for a few minutes, and here
is knot. All, yes, Philie and
Annie are home this week, and
the house is full of their children.
There will be many more knots in the
yarn before the stocking is finished.
Who is the boy whose fate it is to hold
on his extended hands the skein of warn
while grandma winds it off while the
romplng youngsters taunt him with
Shrieks of laughter as they desert him?
But never mind, grandma comforts him
with splendid stories of Uncle Docs
pranks when he was boy and went to
school at Carmichaeltown, until the
boy wishes the skein was five miles long
And then he is rewarded by great big
cooky, sweeter than honey, because he
was such good boy. The only thing
that took the edge off this reward was
that all the other children got Just as
big cookies as he did, because somehow
grandms's rewards for the good boy
and girl managed to include all the
other boys and girls. To grandma, all
children were good; some children were
better than others, but there were no
bad children. A thousand blessings,
thousand times told, on the dear old face
and the silver hair that crowned the
placid brow; on the wrinkled hands and
the work they wrought; on the dear lips
and blessed old hymns they sung; on the
dear old book that lay in her lap, and
the life that drew so much of love and
faith and help from its pages. In every
household and every nook of the land,
IN the city tenement and in the roomy
Nd farm house; in the mansion on the
ayenue and in the cottage down the
lane, God bless grandma and the beau
ufui memories her figure always in
Tokes.-B9rdette.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

"A Kentucky whisky dealer, who
had been arrested for failing to stamp
the barrels sent ont from his distillery,
proved by ocular demonstration that
goat licked off the st;Smps as fast as the
barrels were rolled out OF the establish
ment. He was liberated.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

Victims of youthful indiscretions and
pernicious practices, suffering from Prema-
ture decay or old age, nervous debility,
lack of self-confidence, impaired memory,
loss of manly powers, and kindred symp-
toms, should send three stamps for large
illustrated treatise, giving means of certain
cure, with numerous testimonials. Ad
dress WoRLD's DISPENsARY MEDICAL AS
ISOLATION, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

AND now, as the violets appear, and roses
become about twenty cents apiece cheaper,
the young man tells his friends that he
thinks of going to Europe some time in
June. And all his contemporaries secretly
envy him, and look upon him as a man
born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He
tells them how he is going to climb the
Alps, and sail over Lake Como, and wander
through the Colosseum and the Castle Of
Chillon. He makes great impression on
his friends, and invites them to see him of,
which they do with a great deal of enthu-
siasm. Then he disembarks at Halifax, and
goes off to Michigan, where he spends the
summer oil his uncle's farm, and gets the
skin of his hands thick and hard enough to
sole a pair of boots, or to be palmed off
anywhere for a clearinghouse steak. And
when he comes back he speaks of Ravenna
and Athens as though he had been living
there in opulence all summer, and not hoe
ing corn and chasing mad bulls.-Puck.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

The voLrArc BELT Co., Marshall, Mich, win
send Dr. Dyes Celebrated Electro voltaic
Belts and Electric Appliances on trial for
thirty days TO men young or old who are AZ.
ficted with nervous debility, lost vitality and
kindred troubles, guaranteeing speedy and
complete restoration of health and manly
vigor. Address IS above. N. B.-No risk IL
Incurred, a. thirty days trial Ii allowed.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

J. Gray, Dadeville, Ala, writes us: I
have been using your DR.. VIM. HALLS
BALsAM FOR THE LUNGS, and l can say, of
a truth, it is far superior to any other Lung
preparation in the world. My mother was
confined to her bed four weeks with a cough,
and had every attention by as good ply
sicians as there are in the country, and they
all failed to effect a cure; but when | got
one bottle of your DR.. WIN. HALLS BALsAM
FOR THE LUNGS, she began to mend right
away. l can say in truth, that IT WAS THE
MEANS OF SAVING HER LIFE. / knew of five
cases that DIR. VIM. Halls Balsam has
cured, and my mother is better now than
she has been for twenty wears,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
There has neve

There has never
been an instance in
which this sterling
Invigorant and anti
febrile medicine has
failed to ward on
the COMPLAINT, when
taken duly as a pro-
lection against ma
laria Hundreds of
p by sicians have
abandoned all the
ofiicinal specifics, and
now prescribe this
harmless vegetable
tonic for chills and
fever, as well as dys-
pepsia and nervous
affections Hostel.
ter's Bittcrs is the
specific you need.
For sale by all
Druggists and Deal.
ers generally.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

SYDNEY SMITH being i'll, his physician adj
vised him to "take a walk upon an empty
stomach" "Upon whose?" asked Sydney.
Still better steps to take would be the pur-
chase of DIR. r. V. Pierce's "Golden Medi-
cal Discovery" and pheasant Purgative
Pellets" which are especially valuable to
those who are obliged to lead sedentary
lives, or are afflicted with any chronic dis
ease Of the stomach or bowels. By druggists.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
To Consumptiyea.

or those with weak lungs, splitting Of blood,
bronchitis, or kindred affections Of throat
or lungs, send two stamps for DR.. X. V.
Pierce's treatise on these maladies. Ad-
dress the doctor, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

In Yazoo County, Miss, a cow died with
hydrophobia from eating the hay on which
a mad dog had been lying.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

"BRowN's BRONCHIAL TROCHEs" are excel
lent for the relief of Hoarseness or Sore Throat.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

IT is better to be reproached by a friend
than complimented by hatterer.-Irdn
PdRiR.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

Hale's Honey of Horehound and Tar
Take instanter. Don't neglect cough.
Pixies toothache drops cure in one minute.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

AN evil speaker differs from an evil doer
only in the want of opportunity.-Quin.
titan.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

UPoN what should the dude be fedf Upon
dew-drops, of course.-LUe.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

IT is not a lucky word, this same impos-
sible; no good comes to those who have it
so often in their mouths.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

FUNNY, isn't it, that you always see the
before any stars begint to shoot
The Judge.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
Another Life Saved.

THE French Government intends to hold
a grand international exhibition at Paris in
1875,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

Rheumatism Positively Cured
in the shortest time. Write for free 40-page
pamphlet on rheumatism, to Il. K. Helphen.
slime, Druggist, Washington, ID. c.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
THE GENERAL MARKETS.

WHEN you want a real choice thing, get
Wise's Axle Grease for your carriage.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

MRS. JAMES z. WIRMAN, of Harrison, o.,
writes: "Dr. Guysott's Yellow Dock and
Sarsaparilla cured my daughter of dyspep-
STA and irregularities"
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04

25c. buys pair of Lyons Patent Heel Stiffen-
ers and make a boot or shoe last twice as long.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-04
Our Citizens Desire no Notoriety, but Arc
Always Ready to Proclaim the Truth.

W1sE's Axle Grease never gums.