The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-04-13
WHOLE NO. 71S
THAT BAD BOY.

Peck's Sun.

| Peck's Sun.
"What was the health officer doing over te
your house this morning." said the grocery
man to the bad boy, as the youth was firing
frozen potatoes at the man who collects gar.
bage in the alley:
"Oh, they are searching for sewer gas and
such things, and they have got plumbers and
other society experts till you can't rest, and
l came away for fear they wonld find the
sewer gas and warm my jacket. Say, do you
think 1t fight, when anything smells awfully
to always lay 1t to a boy?"
swell, In nine cases out of ten they would
hit it right; but what do you think is the
trouble over TO your house, honest ."
"S-h-h Now don't breathe a word of /,
to a living soul, or l am dead boy. You
see was over to the dairy fair, at the expo
sltion building, Saturday night, aud when
they were breaking up, me and my chum
helped to carry boxes Of cheese and firkins
OF butter, and cheese-rnan gave each of us
apiece Of Limberger cheese, wrapped up In
tin-foil. Sunday morning opened nv piece,
and 1t made me tired. 1t was just like old
back number funeral. Pa and ma was lust
getting ready to 60 church, and cut off a
piece Of cheese and put 1t in the inside
pocket of pas vest, and put another in the
liningof mas muff, aud they went to church.
l went down TO church, too, and sat on
back seat with my chum, looking just as
pious as though was taking up collection.
The church was pretty warm, and by the
time they got up to sing the first hymn pas
cheese began to smell match against mas
cheese. Pa held one side of the hymn book
and ma held the other; and pa he alway.
sings for all there Is out; and when he braced
himself and sang Just as am ma thought
pas voice was tinctured little with bilious
ness, and she looked at him, and huncbed
MIN, and told him to stop singing and
breathe through his nose, cause his breath
was enough to stop a clock. Pa stopped
singing and turned around kind of cross
towards ma, and then he smelled mas
cheese, and he turned bis head the other
way, and said, 'whew,' and they didn't sing
any more, but they looked at each other as
though they smelled frowy. When they sat
down they sat as far apart as they could get,
and pa sat next to woman who used 10 be
a nurse in hospital, and when she smelled
pas cheese she looked at him as though she
thought be had the small pox, and she held
her handkerchief to her nose. The man in
the other end of the pew, that ma sat near,
he wa, stranger from Racine, who belongs
to our church, and he looked at ma sort of
queer, and after the minister prayed, and
they got up to sing again, the man took his
hat and went out, and when lie came by me
he said something in whisper about
female glue factory.
"Well, sir, before the sermon was over
everybody in that part of the church had
their handkerchiefs to their noses, and they
looked at pa and ma scandalous, and the two
ushers they come around in the pews look
ing for dog; and when the minister got over
his sermon, and wiped the perspiration off
his face, he said he would like to have the
trustees of the church stay after meeting, as
there was some business Of Importance TO
transact. He said the question of proper
ventilation and sewerage for the church
would be brought up, and that he presumed
the congregation had noticed this morning
that the church was unusually full of sewer
gas. He said he had spoken Of the matter
before, and expected it would be attended to
before this. He said ~ was meek and
humble follower Of the Lamb, and was will.
ing to cast his lot wherever he Maser de-
cidsd; but he would be blest if he would
preach any longer in church that smelled
like bone-boiling establishment. He said
religion was good thing, but no person
could enjoy religion as we'll in fat.rendcr-
ing establishment as he could in a flower
garden, and as far as he was concerned he
had got enough. Everybody looked at
everybody else, aud pa looked at ma as
though he knew where the sewer gas came
from; and ma looked at pa real mad; and
me and my chum lit out, and went home
and distributed my cheese all around. I
put slice in mas bureau drawer, and a
piece In the spare-reom, under the bed; and
piece In the bathroom, in the soap-dish;
and slice in the album, on the parlor table;
and a piece in the library, in book; and 1
went to the dining-room and put some under
The table, and dropped q piece under the
range in the kitchen. ! tell you the house
was loaded fer bear. Ma came home from
church first, and when asked here pa was,
she said she hoped he had gone to walk
around block to air hisself. Pa came home
10 dinner, and when he got a smell of the
hsuse he opened all the doors; and ma put |
around her shoulders, and told |
pa he was n disgrace to civilization. She |
.ried to get pa to drink some ca, bolic acid. |
Ia finally convinced ma 1t was not hlu, and |
hey decided IL was the house that smelled |
30, as well as the church; and all Sunday
afternoon they went visiting; and this morn.
ing pa went down TO the health Office aud got |
The inspector of nuisances to come up to the |
house; and when he ST slled around spell,
ne said there was DEAD rats in the main
'ewer pipe. And they sent for plumbers, and
ma went to = neighbors to borrow some
'resh air. And when the plumbers began to
iig up the floor in the basement came over
here. II they find any OF that Limberger
:heese it will 60 hard with me. The hired
'irls have both quit, and ma says she Is
,cing to break up keeping house aud board.
That is just into my hand want TO beard
It hotel, where you can have bin of fare,
MI tooth picks, and billiards, and every
hing. Well, guess III 60 over to the
,ouse, and stand in the back door, and listen
o the mocking-blrd. If you see me come
lying out Of the alley with my coat tail fnll
u boots, you can bet they have discovered
he sewer gas"
There Was Nothing Mean About Him.
Chicago Check.
Charles said she, Is she leaned her