Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-11-15
Mamuruus department.

ed ana appfOacneQ cautiously 1rOIu DenluO.
The Confederate's gun was leaning against
and removed it, stepped forward and ex-
claimed:
20. "0h, yes, I've got you" lu
''That's fact"
Come, get on your horse, and I'll take
The two men mounted and started on
through the woods in direction which the
Federal supposed to the union lines, but
which the Confederate soon discovered
was toward his own command. They had
not gone far when slow fire of musketry
caused the Federal to ask:
eyes" ,...
"Who is it?"
"Joe Shelby"
''The devil it -
They went on little further, the Federal
all the time keeping the Confederate's gun
lying across the horse in front of him, when
the crash of small arms and the boom,
boom, boom of cannon caused the two men
to stop. .,,.-.....-
"Do you know who thatis? asked the
Federal.
Eyes"
"Who is it?"
"Marmaduke."
'sThe devil it isv'
They went on again, the Federal grow
ing more and more nervous. Pretty soon
heavy firing, and the awful rebel yell told
that the battle was opened.
"Do you know who that is up there"'
asked the Federal.
eyes"
"Who is it?"
"Maxey with his Ingins."
"The h-n it is! Here, you take the
o,,I hx,t thn
made the men were in the Confederate
lines.-Arkd,eSas Irdveler.
WHISKY AND TALENT.-"Take that bot
tie and go out and get me some whisky"
said Col. Jimjams to the sad-eyed woman
whose misfortune it was to be the wife of a
convivial inebriate.
'sGive me money to buy it with"
"Give you money! Why, any darn fool
can get whisky if he has money, but to get
whisky without money is what takes tai
ent. 1 thought you had some talent"
Taking up the bottle with sigh, the pa
short time she returned. Apparently she
had been successful, for she placed the bot
tie before him, and said, in low, reproachful
tones:
''There! take it, and drink to yourheart's
content"
"Now, that's what I call smart. You
have got real genius or you couldn't get
whisky without money - and placing the
bottle to his mouth he was about to quench
his thirst when he discovered the bottle was
empty: e44yS,. ,,,o+ ao,, +,;, ,,,o., Q,
"It means that anybody can drink whisky
when the whiskyis in the bottle, but it takes
real talent to drink whisky when there is
none in the bottle. Drink away. I know
you have got talent. ."-Isras SVftigs.
THE SECTION HANDS SECRET.-Mr.
Kimball, the present vice-president of the
Rock Island Railroad, took a seat behind
two section men in coach leaving Daven-
port for Chicago. The conductor came in
and collected fare from one of. the men, the
latter, to gag his friend: 81 can travel on
this road whenever I want to, and never
pay cent" "How's that?" said the other.
tits secret" said the first. Mr.. Kimball
pricked up his ears and thought he had a
good sized chen on" The Paddy who last
paid his fare got off at a way station, and
Mr.. Kimball slipped into the vacated seat.
"Have ?" he said to the remaining
Irishman. "How do you manage to travel
W6a wthSqt kgaTgpg T do Woad 9sa Wyse ke eqd
know ?" said Pat, looking cunning. "In-
deed I would, and III give you $40 if you'll
tellme.n "No, SIR" "Fifteen." 'sNo, sir.'
"Twenty-fve." ''Donew said the section
hand, and the cash was forked over. "Be
jabers, / walk! ~ This same Pat is section
foreman on the Rock Island, near Davenport.
THESAGE AND THE MoURNERs.-A Sage
on his weary way to Wisconsin, came upon
a crowd one day and observed a general
sadness in all faces:
"Why this gloom ?" queried the old man,
as he laid down his bundle and felt for the
front end Of his plug of tobacco.
"Oh, Sage, we mourn the death of a good
man." was the reply.
"Was he honored ?"
"He WaS.'
'Sober, upright, charitable, and given to
peace ?"
":He was"
"Who of you praised and encouraged him
in life ?" asked the old man as he looked
around him.
A hush fell upon the crowd, and no one
replied.
"Praise that comes after DEATH" whisper
ed the Sage, "does noteven cut down the un'
dertaker's bills. Better squander your time
saving wood for his widow"
MoRAL.-The widow will be expected tC
take in plain sewing to support herself.
HEALTHY BUSINESS RIvALRY.-"Here
y'are, now; two packages for 10 cents !!
yelled seedy-looking envelope peddler in
Grand street. 'Here y'are, this way; two
packages for cents?" howled another en-
velope peddler, almost crowding his fellow.
merchant off the sidewalk. Women out
shopping noted the difference in price, and
soon bought out the wo-for-fve-cent man
Then both peddlers drifted around the
corner, and the one who sold no envelopes
divided his stock with the other, remark.
ing, with a chuckle: "It works boss, pard
don't it?"
Ba% Mr. Isaacs keeps clothing store, in
front of which he is generally to be found
pouring forth an eloquent disquisition on
the merits of his stock. Yesterday, while
he was so employd, Jacob happened to be
passing, and caught the words
"Nice CLEAN shirds inside; de incest shird
in the city"
"Vell, fsaacs, vot vos dot you say?"
"Nice CLEAN shirds inside"
"Vell, for Heavens sake, go righd in und
put Won on your pack, mine friendt'' ex-
claimed Jacob.
B6% "Look here, Pat" said a real estate
owner, ''you've got to move Or pay your
rent"
"Be jabbers, I'll do naythur."