National Republican., 1883-07-24

Jug.-NelD Iork Commercial advertiser,
IT was rather cowardly in tho apoplexy I.
strike little fellow like Tom Thumb Boston
Transcript
ST. LOUIS girls are commencing to prepare
for the coming Of Santa Claus They are knitting
stockings.
PROF. PAINTER, of Roanoke college, Va,
indofses the classical position assumed by Charles
Francis Adams.
MEANWHILE the public will put up with
such inconveniences as the company affords
them-for while.
BLoasoN calls accompaniments "bald-
headed music c"-because they haven't got any
air. burlington Free Press.
NOT less than 100000 pigs were slaugh-
tered last year for their fesh fat and alligator
skins Philadelphia NelcS.
EMERSON says, Hitch your wagon to
star" Freddy Gebhardt has evidently followed
h is advice.--Boston Budget
THE Brooklyn bridge doesn't pay. The
people are either afraid to walk or ride over 1t
or arc too stingy to pay toll.--Boson Post.
" The bad men get into court some time or
other" remarked the philosopher, either as
criminals or lawyes."-BOstoa Transcript.
A PRovINcETowN (NIass.) teacher was
missed by his congregation for preaching on local
pOiitSSt oiu oOulS VI lIcln leit tne CHuTCH.
THE editor of the Maple Leaf New Bruns-
wick paper, is worried By bears, which come into
his sanctum ut night without wiping their feet.
PRESIDENTIAL candidates in Indiana, iii.
nois, aud other states are admonished by the Cis-
cnnau Enquirer to "Shl There's q hen on in
Ohio"
MRS. MARY TANNER, of Walton county,
Ca, wove seven yards of cloth in one day, made
IL into two shirts and went tea Mt n neiphnnr'a
five miles away
My wife's sister, out in Inianna is dead,
and she's wearing mournin, and she thought it'd
be more appropriate like TO use black tea for
while now.-Mardthon HdeD,ndenL
WHY wouldn't it be good plan to export
load of toy pistols to the cholera-stricken east2
In one months time the cholera would have moth
ing to feed upon.-BoSton Transcript.
"JUsT my luck" moaned o Philadelphia
man. Here I've been paying heavy premiums
on life insurance policy for twenty years and
rm not dead yet Philadelphia NetVs.
GIRL at Cape May playfully threw sand
| into the eyes of young man who scrutinized her
bathing attire too closely, and there is danger that
he will never look at anything again.
| THE idea that "a man loses his dignity
! when he has his hair close cropped is absurd.
| The man who orders his hair close cropped never
A RAscALLY baggage thief stole dudes
| valise the other day, and when he opened up his
plunder he found 70 linen collars, II pairs linen
cuffs one flannel shirt and ono pair of socks.
| A SKELETON wanders at sweet will about
house in Moundsville, W. Va. 1t is accompanied
| by an indescribable sound, which penetrates tho
air for miles around and seems TO originate in the
| earth.
A Boston school girl cannot be made to
speak of overalls She prefers TO call them super
omnes Now let some of those wild western sheets
again sneer at our culture If they dare lBoston
Transcript
"IT is no use," said the policeman to the
| sufferer whose pocket was picked on the Fourth
| of July, "for you to put guard your watch,
unless you also keep watch on your guard.
Move on"
BEWARE the deadly corned beef and cab
bage. The New York Commercial Advertiser says:
| "a Emily in Brooklyn was poisoned by that de-
lectable dish" Even our oldtime friends can't be
trusted in these days of fraud and wickedness.
IT is said that many ladies at Long Branch
wear diamonds in profuson at the breakfast
table, Ladies who appear in diamonds at break
fast the sort that apt TO raise II there
is no pie on the bill of fare-R0chestsr Post Er-
press.
THE American printing house for the blind,
just dedicated at Louisville is the first building
ever erected in the world Tor that sole purpose, 1t
stands in large yard, surrounded with trees, and
is of brick, three stories high, with ample base
ment.
BAKER, the life insurance agent, had his
chin whiskers shaved off the other day. "What
on earth did you do that for?" asked his friend on
meeting him soon after the catastrophe man
| in your business needs all the chipnature and
art can furnish him."-LoiOeH CAisen
A NEW York boy drank piht of whisky,
went swimming, ute u lot Of green apples, drank
a quantity of ice water and wentto bed. Next
morning he was found dead. About the worst
thing boy can do In hot weather is to fill him
self up with ice water.-NoIristown Herald.
WESTERN writer thinks that it is unfor-
tunate for women that they must wait to be
courted. Yes, but just think how unfortunate 1t
would be for a fellow If a halfdozen women
should follow him home and Insist upon remain.
ing until midnight courting him.-BoStoa Star.
SQUIRE DUNLAP, of Waynesburg, Pa, mar.
ried Mems johnson aud Miss Lotta FrankenberEE,
who were respectively is and II yearS of age.
Lotta's father said he was damaged $500 by the
marriage, but finally accepted Sfb from the squire
and gave the youthful couple the parental bless.
ing.
NIAGARA FALLS is suffering severely from
It's reputation for extortion. The village looks
squalid, the hacRmen are idle, and tourists shun
the place. Nevertheless the tolls" making it
impossible for the visitor to move without paying
from ten cents TO half a dollar, are still main
| tanned.
AN English country parson setting before
his hearers a glowing picture of heavenly de-
lights, wound up with, "There shall be, my be-
loved brethren, all singing at the same time
and in different keys" This would seem to indi-
cate that there will be Congregational singing in
heaven Philadelphia Negs,
RIVAL summer-resort hotels are playing
all kinds of tricks on each other 1t is no uncom-
mon thing 10 see a hotel runner, with small
turtle about as big as five dollar gold
piece, showing it TO tourists as bed-bug captured
by guest at rival hotel, who got disguised and
came 10 the hotel of which the runner is agent.
D Tourists should not believe more than half they
1 hear about bed bugs and fishing,
| FIFTEEN years ago the fisherman on the
4 lake would ask the dealers, show many fish can
you use ?" But now the dealers say to the fisher
men, "send me all you can get" Experts at
Toledo and Detroit assert that, unless fishing Ii
restricted and more hatcheres established, the
supply of lake FISH will soon be exhausted. Rs.
ing plices of meat make reason enough for de.
. yeloping this economic food supply.
CURIOUS case of sensitive skin has been