Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-04-20
A GIRLS FIRST LOVE.

"Are there no underwriters for human
hopes? for the precious Of interests is there
no insurance.
had been tempted all day, tempted
by fate and the devil. All summer long
l had been trying to clasp hands for Il
life journey with a man / did not love; a
a Ia noble of soul and born to the pur-
pie, who set up his high lineage against
my poor gifts of beauty and song. He
threw Some love into the scale, too, but
l, God help me, had none to give in re-
turn. l had battered erewhile my whole
possessions for a few glances of a dark,
dark eye, and my note had gone to pro-
test.
Could I, could l? 1t kept following me
about with fateful persistency, for to-
night [ was to give my answer to my
high-born lover.
l triedto look things in the face, to
count the cost.
Money was a good thing; it insured
II warmth in winter and delicious
GOODNESS in summer, and prettiness and
dalntiness, and the entrance into good So
clety. Yes, money wasa good thing, and
position and power, and houses and lands.
So far good; but my soul hungered and
thirsted for love commensurate with
my own, which this man, who offered
me purple and gold, had it not in his
power to give, or, let me qualify thst,
had it not in his nature to give.
The stars came out golden and soft,
and the fragrant summer dusk crept
around he where / sat inhaling the
tore my heart by turn, and WEAKNESS,
too, put in a poor, pitiful plea, for l was
so tired, so tired.
1t was a brilliant future that Reginald
Dacre offered me, wherein toll and
WEAKNESS could v come, l thought
of the purple and fine linen; the lux
urious rest; the emoluments! Then my
daily life passed in review before me-
that OF companion to a naughty, fine
lady, and Il singer in a fashionable
church, among fashionable saints and
over the D'SA'l old s aaHon
In a church which is garnished with null
lion and gable,
With altar and reredos, with gargoyle and
groin,
The penitents' dresses are sealskin and sable,
The odor of sanctity's eau de cologne.
But surely if Lucifer flying from Hades,
Could gaze at this crowd with its paniers
and paints,
be would say, looking round at the lords
and the ladies,
O, where is All Sinners if this is ALI Saints?
| mad entered upon this life from an
unloved and unloving home, a home
doled out to me by the tardy justice of a
granduncle who had robbed me of nv
inheritance, l thought at first 1 might
find the sangreal somewhere in this new
country which seemed so fair, but, alas!
l had not even heard the swish ofwings.
l thought Of it all-the fever and the
fret; the petty jars; the misunderstand-
lngs; the pain of inconlprehension; the
unguerdoned toll; the tagging hours; the
awful pauses.
This or marriage; this or marriage. 1t
seemed written like a placard on earth
and sky. 1t seemed bound like phylac-
terry upon the brows Of the people as
they passed to and fro; and soon the
word marriage lost all its significance
for me, as the words do after oft repeat
ing. Did it mean misery or happiness,
bliss or woe? This marriage that rung
its changes through my brain-was it
God-appointed? Did it mean Gods
blessing or His curse?
You know l did not love this man
who offered me rest from my labors. He
had not power to evoke one thrill to his
call. But then love is only one reason
VIII n should marry a Ia There
might be love and plenty Of money, and
yet one be hungry AL ones life. l have
known such things.
had tried to make my life straight
o,,l r,.r t~11 %~,@1 ~ 1,~@n 1n-
hands and a pEre heart; tried-God,
who knows the secrets Of all hearts,
knows this-to fight despair.
= Long, green days,
Worn bare Of grass and sunshine; long, calm
nights
From which the silken sleeps were fretted
Bc witness for me.
We see through shadows all our life
long. We come into this world without
our being givena choice as to our advent.
and go out Oft in the same II
We have not been consulted as to birth
OF death. More and more the PRAYERS OF
Epictotus haunts me: LEAD me, Zeus
ana Destiny, whithersoever am APP
pointed to go; l will follow without way
ri even though | turn coward and
s.rink, / shall follow all the same"
Should l marry MI. Dacre? Was he a
snod parti, as the world said? Too good
Zoe me, as my lady elegantly phrased it.
I had been born into the world amid
fierce throes ofmental anguish. Through
out the pain of her travail my mothers
heart was rent with the greater pain of
my fathers sudden death-drowned of
the Cornish coast, for / was born at sea.
She lived until l was 10 years old, q life
Of sorrow, and poverty and remuneration.
Then she died, leaving me to the care OF
a compassionate world and my uncle.
Of him l have already spoken.
My life dragged on with clogged
wheels. l was always at war with my
surroundings. Though to proud to ex-
press it, l had never realized my ideal
of womanhood, or in any way grown up
to my aspirations and dreams. If / had
grown at all it had been through pain
and repression-satal thih,; always for a
warm hearted, earnest woman.
MY uncle, Edward Earl, had procured
me friendship () of the lady in whose
house l had passed a twelvemouth-Mrs
Lucien Granger, a distant cousin of his
own. 1 was an unsalaried governess or
companion, our remote cousinship be-
ing always made available by my uncle.
1t was during my residence with the lady
that my fate came to me.
A young nephew Of Mrs. Changers
came to the hall. He was an artist,
young and handsome, and fresh iivnl !,
four years sOiOurn in Rome,