Arizona weekly citizen., 1883-10-06
Garnered WitticjSmS.

"Is this train to stop at Neponset:' 8 passenger asked conductor of the Old Colony road the other forenoon. "NO, sir, no stops between South Braintree and Boston" was the reply. "Why, how's thaty' said the surprised inquirer, you used to stop there; you dId the last time l came up.' The conductor was puzzled Guess yOu are wrong, he said, but when was that timer "Well," replied his passenger, T cant say exactly" And after a moments thought, he continued: Ut was when l built my barn-some time during the war
 sNow, John" said the father of the city family to the father of the country family, "we have been spending all summer with you, and as some sort of recompense We are going to have some ameteur theatricals and give you fare we'll benefit" "NO, thankee, Charles, was the reply; "don't wait to do that. "The farewell will be benefit enough for me-
 An Irish lawyer having addressed the court IS "gentlemin' instead of yer huu0r." after he had concluded, a broth CT Ot the bar reminded him of his error. He immediately rose and apolOgised thus: May It plase the cOort, in the hate of debate called yer honor gentle min. ] made a mistake your EuUor5.' The speaker then sat down.
 How IS IL you can tell such whop- Ders.' asked caller, addressing the editor of the tish-stOry department. Well, you see, replied the editor, ~our wife's name IS Anna" w hat has that .A q .ma We are writing fish stories We usually have Anna nigh us to help us. The caller was carried to the hospital.
 "You said you were goIng to vO.e for me," indignantly exclaimed defeated candidate, addressing Mike, the we'll known Irishmau. An dIdu't | vote fur ye2" "Naw, you didn't "Weli, sor, m that evint, there's only one couclusIon that l kIn arrive at" And what is that:' That l tOwld ye a lie, sor.
 'I understand that you referred to me as a pig, sir" remarked Q pompOus eld- srly gentleman to young man who had spoken disparaglngly of hIm to third person. You have been misInfOrmed, sir" replied the young man; "l hope that l know better than to refer tc a person of your advanced age as pig
 IL makes farmer crazy Co look up into an apple tree to tell his son, who IS up at the top, how to shake the fruit down, and suddenly get an apple on the nose so hard that 1t knocks him down and rolls bIm around, and causes the boy to descend and seek safety in the woods.
 "Walter, what IS the mark on the side of my pIe2' "HO, yes; why certainly, sir That mark, sir2 That IS the point of my thumb, sir. Just had my thumb iu chocolate served the other gent. Meant to have called yOuf attention to 1t before, SIT. Cut it out for you, sIr?'
 "I have here a poem on the Jersey sad the literary editor to the chief. What shall i do with it?' "COnsigu 1t to the waste-basket," he replied. The entire staff immediately held a consul tatlon to ascertain If the chief really did intend to embrace the waste as pun.
 Dibdin had a horse which he called "Graphy." "Very odd name, said friend. "Not at all.' responded Tom;
 when I mount him it's TOp-O-Graphy; and when I want him to go It's Gee-ho- Graphy."
 Every man talks the lingo of his trade. When a plumber wants to stop his Hd- vertisement he says, "Shut It of" and the reporter who goes tO write up funeral asks, "Has the last form gone dOwn?'
 "Greek? do I understand Creek? said jolly German. "Vell, l schoost can shmile. ", ven l vas a lsedle pOy J al- ways swim in dot creek instead of dot ritfer.'
 A San Francisco paper has sIxty-one columns about the Knights Templlrs during the late cOnclave there. It would take several nights Co read It | through.
 New electric light companies are | being organized all over the country, | bu. as far as heard from their IilumIna- ton is not nearly SO light as their re- ! c-ipts.
 Did you ever notice that the men who | go 70 the beach tO hear the band con | cert generally find the bar-rOOm the best | place for hearing the musict A workman was killed, the other day, | while climbing over fence to get a drink. Moral: All pass the bottle un- | der the fence.
 | A paper steamboat is soon to be | launched on the Ohio river. They'd | better not make 1t of plotting paper if | they want any river left.