davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
The Barber and the Bunko Man.

"a WOOL has got nine lifes und always
lants on his feet" said the barber near
the Cooper Institute, and then, he made
change for man, and helped him on
with his coat When he came back he
added: II vas dinking of OSCAR Wide,
Der Lort neffer makes a WOOL mitout
daking care of him, choost as He does
of dem leedle sbarrows vot CANT vail
py der grount mitout He found it ovid.
Id wood peen bedher for der goot name
of dis gundry if der Yankee dhieves got
away NIT der money vich dot chack-
donkey dock in from der Yankee vools,
but dot could not pc, for Hefen dakes
care of dem vich to dake care of dem
sellufs don't got some prains.
'.Dotvos sensible dings yot der Mar
quis of Lorne und his wife done, alretty;
getting PREDICTION of poddy guard Of
soldiers to keep dem bunko men away.
Bedher der rest der Englishmen done
der same dings ven they come Ply dis
gundry."
The loquacious barber pronounced
bunko ''pung-go." He took advantage
of the fact that his assistant was sham
pooling man in further corner of the
room to tell this story:
"You know dot monkey parber py der
negst shair always tresses so vine like
der CLERK by hotel? Veil, he always
done dot, efen ven he lifted NIT his far
der in pennsylvania. Vonst he came by
Nye Yorrick on leedle sbree, und he
vos tressed poodiful. He ditn't know
Something's apowd dem bunko vellers
any more as you Something's know abowd
der negst Wort of Chully. He vos going
down der Powery ven comes up man
und says: Hello, Prown?'
"1 ton'd vos any Prown,' der barber
says.
"'Vot, aim you Pob Prown 1 met in
Hot Strings?
"'No, 1 vos Martin Armenian, of
Bottstown, pennsylvania der parber
says.
by chimmaneddy, in dwo minnits
comes up weller vich says:
"'How you vos, Arnemann; und
your sister Loweesa, how she vos, and
how gifts along der olt manp' und he
dolt dot parber more apowd Bottsdown
as de parber could found ovid in sixty
years.
"My vrend,' dot parber says, 4 been
oxdremely pleased to seen you, und SIM
you know my vanity more better as l
mineselluf will you please lend me seffen
dollar und halb, for l haf peen on
sbree und tond got cent left to get my
home back again already
'.He says dut bunko weller could NIT
fodder himselluf knock down." IN Y
Sun.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
A Fatal Choice,

With the drifting clouds of smoke and
steam that rise from the ruins of the i'll
fated Newhall house at Milwaukee,
there comes a sadly romantic story, in
which a gentleman of this city is one of
the actors. Only few months ago Mr..
Porteous, of this city went to Canada to
marry Miss Sutton, to whom he had
been engaged for some time. Here
manned there some time. His friends
waited, with no little wonder at the de-
lay. to hear that the ceremony had been
performed. No word came, however,
and 10 the surprise of all. when at last
the r.oom-elect did return, he brought
with him the sister of the lady to whom
he had been engaged. and for whose
hand he had gone to the Dominion.
1t seems that when Mr. Porteous
reached the home of his nancee another
had come between them. She had met
and learned to love an actor, and prom
ised to become his wife. This Mr. Por-
teous learned when she had refused him
her hand and given him his liberty. He
then found out that his affection had
transferred itself to Miss Sutton's sister,
and forthwith wooed and won her, re-
turning home in triumph with bride.
The young lady to whom MIR. Porteous
first intrusted his heart, no longer fet-
tered with a betrothal, then gave her
heart to Mr.. John Gilbert, of the Minnie
Palmer company, and with him went
on the boards. This fact was not known
to the wife of Mr.. Porteous, however,
and for several weeks she has been ex-
pecting a visit from her sister. When
the news of the terrible calamity at Mil
waukee was flashed over the wires,
Mrs. Porteous was struck by the name
OF Mrs. John Gilbert among the victims
and an investigation proved the sad
facts too true. Her only sister, the
bride of one night, was burned in that
fearful Observation-Disclosures Courier
Journal.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
nlanitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10TH.
What Americans Neglect.

A letter from Sheffield, Eng says: 1
wonder why most Americans coming
over here write of the natural scenery OF
England, and say so little of these CEN
tury-old, world-famed manufactures
Speaking of scenery, 1--WE have plenty
Of that at home" as the boy said when
he was offered hash to eat while paying
a visit.
Up at Birmingham, the other day, l
visited the famous elliot Pen Manufac-
tory, and saw the tiny things turned out
by the thousands. Then we went into
a glass factory and saw the whole opera
ton of glass making. from the sitting OF
the sand to the last polishing and the
cutting by hand. A boy not more than
10 years old sat at his bench before
grind-stone and ornamented gas-shade
with stars and complicated lines and
curves, with no outline drawn and no
pattern marked.
At Manchester is the cotton spinning;
1000 spindles running at the same time
with deafening whir and buzz l was
much interested in machine intelli-
gencer," worked by electricity, which
made manifest the least flaw in the
thread, stopping the spindle instantly if
larger piece OF cotton creptin to cause
bunch or knot On the yarn-an Ameri-
can invention. Another thing which
was shown me by the proprietor, with
a grim smile, was a huge pile of sand.
| looked up inquiringly, and he said:
That is a bit of your native land"
and explained that it was the adultera-
ton from bales of raw cotton sent over
from America.
l fastened to change the subject, re-
marking that we were likely to have a
fog.
At an exhibition of decorative art in
Manchester l saw glass spun and dress
made from it to adorn a pale lady in
wax who smiled meltingly on the opera
ton; some antique china, worth pounds
to the square inch, and wall paper with
q plush ground and birds and flowers
in gold relief. And here in Sheffield
it is almost worth trip across the
ocean-can be seen the relics of the
FORCES built by the Roman monks GEN.
turtles ago, when this ''capital of steel"
was day-old infant in swaddling
clothes.
IL 10 qullc "Oitu yOul WHlIC " 'loit
Sir John Browns immense steel manu-
factory covering acres of ground and
employing armies of men; or Thomas
Turner's old and well-known cutlery
factory, whose knives and forks 60 over
to France and Italy and find their way
to the remotest parts of Germany and
the colonies. Jos. Rodgers great show
rooms are a marvel of glitter and bright
ness.
They showed us knife with 1882
blades and the largest elephants tusks
on record.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
A Happy Couple,

An old Irish couple who have grown
up in the mills of Lawrence, Mass,
have no children, and live alone in a
tiny house. They have worked together
for fifty years for their home, saving up
little by little until it was paid for.
They are rather feeble in mind and
body, but possessed of wonderful pa
tience. Their browning ambition was
to carpet the ''fore ROOM" and that has
just been gratified. ''An' what more
can we askPn said the wife to visitor,
pride and satisfaction shining in every
line of her wrinkled face. '.Now me
an Mike is ready to be walked respecta-
BILE any day, an he is as plaised with
the carpet as meself; it's the two of US
as is plaised togither. An livery night,
before we goes to bed. we jist peeks in
at the blissid carpet--an' the table
a'shinin', an the pictur of the Virgin
over the shelf a-smilin' down on us.
All, mum, it's rich folks were gittin' to
be, intirelyi''
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
Securing Advice,

A prominent Detroiter, says the Free
Press, vino has the reputation of know
ing all horses, was coming down Wood
ward avenue the other day when
stranger halted him, inquired if he was
Mr.. So and so, and added:
81 have walked seven miles this morn
ing to secure your advice. Will you go
to the harness shop with me?"
The citizen turned back and walked
three blocks to the shop. The stranger
then showed him two horse brushes and
said:
This brush is twenty cents and that
one two shillings. Which would you
advise me to purchaser"
I'D take the dearer." replied the dis
gusted adviser. did you bring me
here simply to settle that question:"
''Oh, no. had already about made
up my mind to get brush with land
scape painted on the back. Now about
currvcombs. The object of a curry
comb is to agitate a horse, | suppose,
but what particular style do you advise?
Here are both red and blue handled cur
rycombs, and will be guided by what
you say"
Did you ever own horse?' asked
the citizen.
Mercy, mop
'Do you own one now?
"Why, nor
'Then, what in Taxation do you want
of those things?"
"Well, that's another matter on which
| wanted your valuable advice. Isn't
it better to buy brush and currycomb
iii the winter and then buy the horse
in the spring, or would you buy all at
once?"
you'd better buy saw-horser' re-
marked the indignant citizen as he walk
ed off.
Just see thatn' gasped the man who
had walked seven miles. "Why, was
intending after we got through to ask
him to take glass of beer and he walks
off as if he took me for dead-beat!
What other man in Detroit knows all
about horses?'
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
Russian Longevity,

''By the way" emarked the Doctor,
as his visitor got up to leave, 81 said
just now that America could produce
more eases of longevity than any other
country. l must except that the cold
est regions of Russia, as 1 understand
there is alevel country about 100 leagues
square, sloping to the south on the bor-
der of Siberia, where q year rarely
passes in the course of which some per-
son does not die at the age of 100.
asked a Russian physician whether the
reports could be depended upon and he
says they are kept by the priests of the
Greek Church who, for reasons of faith,
are most rigid in regard to the exacti-
tude of age of their dead. "-Phaladel-
DhiQ Press.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT TT.

Mess. Robinson d Himichs:-Wet take
this means of attesting our high opinion
of Hinrichs' american Corn Cure. Our
opinion of its value in removing COr7ss
and Warts is based on the fact that we
have used it and have found that it will
do just what you claim for it. As cure
for Cor7as and Warts it is deserving of
the highest praise. and we take pleasure
in recommending it to all who are afflict-
ed, knowing that it will effect cure in
every instance.
Yours respectfully,
FL. D. SMALLEY, Justice of the Peace.
HUGH MORRISON, City Marshal.
r. d. START, County Judge.
@. II. SCHMIDT. Editor Nord Veste1a.
FRED. HEISEMAN, City Clerk.
G. s. CANRIGHT. HENRY BURCHERDT.
A. d. SMITH. 81. KLINGHoLz, oil.
E. BRANDEIs ROYAL SNIFFIN.
JOHN PITZ. FRANK A. MILLER.
J. p. REINDL. WM. RUNGE.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
As It Came Ont.

A man one day came running into a
farmyard and hurridly cried for a spade.
The farmer, coming out, demanded
what he wanted with it, when the man
replied that his friend had stuck In a
bog and he wanted to dig him out.
'How far in is hep" inquired the farmer.
"Up to the ankles ..Is that all?' said
the farmer. '.Then he can pull himself
out again. You'll get no spade here" "
Scratching his head, while his face bore
evident signs of grief, the stranger
blurted out: Och, but, be jabers he's
in head firstr'
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
Too Mnch tn Ash

The late Robert Morris, the colored
lawyer OF Boston, once examined, as a
witness, portly daughter of Erin, who
squarely turned her back upon him at
his first question. After vainly request
ing her to face him, he appealed to the
judge. "You must face the counsel,
my good woman" said that officer.
can would ye, Judge" she cried indig-
nantly. ''have woman O me shtandin'
tace naygurP" The Judge did not in
sist, and Mr.. Morris seemed to enjoy
the joke as much as anyone in the court
room.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
Study Of Lar ynages.

A gentleman who has recently taken
up the study of French, and who loses
no opportunity of airing the little knowl-
edge he has thus far acquired of the lam
guage by translating and pronouncing
such French words and phrases as his
friends might encounter ii his presence,
was thus addressed by an acquaintance:
''lf you only knew as much English as
you do French. you might get along all
right
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15

The New York Evening Post says it is
the right of trial by jury that encour-
ages suits for breach of promise: and
intimates that if tried by Judges, very
few plaintiffs would make out their cases.
Parson Ito Observation-Disclosures s
this I hear. Giles-that your wife has
left you! All! this is what l." Giles
-.'She might do worse than that. sir. "
Parson Observation-Disclosures Giles
"She might come back againr'
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
Apply into nostrils with little finger.
Point Out Your House."

This was club dialogue and its Sc
quel: Q.-What are you smoking? A.
An imported Havana. Q.-How
much does it costP A quarter. @.
How many do you smoke day? A.
Half dozen. Q.-How long have
you smokedP A.-Thirty years. Ad-
vice-My friend, with that amount of
money you could have bought house
on 5th avenue. The parties quilted the
Brunswick and strolled up town. AS
they came near the Windsor, the smoker
asked: Q.-You never smoke? A
Never. Sarcastic query-Then point
out your house.-Music and Drama.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15

ionce of Job would become exhausted
were he a preacher and endeayoring to
interest his audience while they were
keeping up an incessant coughing, max
ing it impossible for him to be heard.
Yet, how very easy can all this be avoided
by simply using DIR. Kings New Discov-
cry for Consumption, Coughs and Colds.
Trial Bottle given away at Robinson and
Hinrichs' Drug Store. q
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
a Conscientious Mans Testimony.

Rev. Isaac Aiken, Pittsburgh, Pa,
writes: / take great pleasure in stating
that. after having suffered with Dyspep-
STA for about fifteen years, have been
entirely cured by the use of Goes Dys
pepsia Cure. For years I knew not
what it was to pass five hours without
intense pain. My casewas considered
so marvellous that, for a time, it was
feared it might be fictitious, but 1 am
now so we'll convinced that 1 have been
not merely relieved, but permanently
cured, that / can conscientiously recon-
mend Goes Dyspepsia Cure to all
victims of Dyspepsia.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
BUCKLEN'S ARNICA SALVE.

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever
sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains,
corns, and all skin eruptions. and posi-
lively cures piles. 1t is guaranteed to
give perfect satisfaction or money re-
funded. Price 25c per box. For sale
by Robinson & Hinrichs. 16mar83
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
In The Summer Time.

Elyphus Lyon, of Nelson, Madison
N. Y. Co., says, I was afflicted with
Diarrhoea three years ago, which resisted
all the remedies of several physicians,
and continued to wear me down for
three or four months, when applied to
DR.. Foord for advice. He gave me
bottle of his Tonic Cordial, and in
week l was cured and have had no return
to that complaint since.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15

ZoPEsA will cure the worst case
of Dyspepsia. A single dose
will relieve in degree that
shows its wonderful curative
powers, and its peculiar action
upon the stomach and digestive
organs. 1t is a positive and
absolute cure for costiveress
and constipation, acting in
remarkable way upon the sys-
TEN, carrying off Impurities.
AS a Liver regulators its actions
are remarkable. It tones and
stimulates the Liver to action,
it corrects the acids and regu-
lates the bowels. A few doses
will surprise you. Sample bot
ties 10 cents at Robinson &
Hinrjof1.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15

A Massachusetts Yankee has invented
a COW tail holder. It is used for pre-
venting the tails from becoming dirty in
Che stable, is light, and said to be quite
an acquisition.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15

THE disagreeable operstion of forcing
liquids into the head, and the use of
exciting snuffs, are being superseded by
Elys' Cream Balm, cure for Catarrh,
Cold in the head and Hay Fever. Price
so cents.
Apply into nostrils with little finger.
ONLY Two BOTTLES. -Messrs. John
son, Holloway & Co., wholesale druggists
of Philadelphia, Pa, report that some
time ago a gentleman handed them a
dollar, with a request to send good
catarrh cure to two army officers in
Arizona. Recently the same gentleman
told them that goth the officers and the
wife of Gen. John G. Faemont Gov. of
Arizona, had been cured of catarrh by
the two of Elys' Cream Balm. fe22
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15

Why is man ringing a bell for an
auction like church sociable? One
makes noise to get money, and the
other makes an oyster get money.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
New York Weekly Herald.
One Dollar a Year.


The circulation of this popular newspaper is
news of the Daily Herald and is arranged in han
dy departments. The
FOREIGN NEWS
embraces special dispatches from all quarters of
the globe. Under the head of
AMERICAN NEWS
are given the telegraphic dispatches of the week
from all parts of the Union. This feature alone
THE WEEKLY HERALD
the most valuable chronicle in the world, as it is
the cheapest Every week is given faithful re-
port of
POLITICAL NEWS
embracing complete and comprehensive despatch
es from W Washington, including full reports of the
speeches of eminent politicians on the questions
Of the Eour
THE FARM DEPARTMENT
of the WEEKLY HERALD gives the latest as well
as the moss practical suggestions and discoveries
relating to the duties of The fsrmer hints for rails
ing Cattle Poultry, Grains, Trees, Vegetables,
&c, &c, with suggestions for keeping buildings
and farming utensils in repair. This is supple
mented by well-edited department, widely cop
led, nader the head of
THE HOME,
giving recipes for practical difhes hints for max
ing Clothing and for keeping up With the latest
1ashloDs at the lowest price. Every item of cook
Ing or economy suggested in this department is
practically tested by experts before publication.
ents On the very latest fashions. The Home De-
partment of the WEEKLY HERALD will save the
housewife more than one hundred times the price
of the paper. The interests CT
SKILLED LABOR
are looked after, and everything relating to me-
chanics and labor saving is carefully recorded
There is page devoted to all the latest phases OF
the business markets, Crops. Merchandise, &C,
&c. valuable feature is found in the specially
reported prices and conditions of
THE PRODUCE MARKET.
Sporting news at home and abroad, together
with story every week. d sermon by some enin-
ent divine, Literary. Musical, Dramatic, Personal
and Sea Notes. There is paper in the world
which contains SO much news matter every week
as the WEEKLY HERALD, which is sent, postage
free, for One Dollar
You can subscribe at any time
ll6 N, /. 1GldlQ weekly FORM Xl d IGdI.
Address, NEW YORK HERALD,
Broadway and Ann Street New York
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
S. 3. SHERO0D,
GENT. LAND AGENT.

Has for safe Farms and Lands in the Coz ntles
of ManitowOc Calumet, Brown, Door SC. wis.
Also lots aud houses in the City of Manit owoc
Wis.
Also. 5000 acres of good Pine Lar ds in
Marathon, Chippewa, Ashland, &C, counts WIS
Also about 1870, 900 acres of Buriini ton &
Mo River r. r. Co.'S Lands ia the Southern
part of the State of iowa and the Southea stern
part OF the State Of Nebraska, on 10 year, time
with six per cent interest. Persons wishing TO
buy or sell Farms, Lands and Lots. or wa ltinR
TO employ an agent in any business OF land
matters. will please give me q call, in person
Or by letter, at the Williams House, Manji Owoc
Wis. Em3rchs6ly
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
IHlRlIGHIREAIHENTHILL CURE

Cream Balm has gained an enviabln reputation
wherever known; aispiacing all other prePara-
lions. Send for circular containing fuil lntofna
ton and reliable testimonials. b. mall prepaid
80 cents Package-stamPs received Sold ny
all wholesale end retail druggists.
Ely CREAAi BALM co. Owego. \. 7.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15
APOsITTVE CURE
ELYS
CREAM BALM
FOR
CataTTh&HaT Fever.
Agreeable 10 sc.

UNEQUALLED FOR
COLDS IN THE HEAD
Ees5zche a-2 Deafness,
or any kind Of mucus
membrarzl irrit a
tons. iniamed aid
rough surfaces. A
preparation OF un-
doubted merit. APP
ply By the little fin
- into the poatri is.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-15

are looked after, and everything relating to me
chanics and labor saving is carefully recorded
There is page devoted to all the latest phases Of
the business markets, Crops, Merchandise, sc.
&c valuable feature is found in the specially
reported prices and conditions of
The Press., 1883-11-22

Hebron seems to be the recent center for church troubles. Before the Cutler. Fillmore trouble was over in the Congrega- tional church a disturbance broke out among the Methodists. The pastor, Rev. Mr. Roberts, at recent prayer meeting became disgusted at their apathy and call ed them biockheads, and told them there was no more expression in their faces than in so many wooden heads. They are -ap- athletic no longer. Since that time they have become wonderfully attentive and un- comfortably critical of MT. Roberts utter ances. The Cutler-F Fillmore trouble is end ed by the removal of Fillmore, with last taken wife, from the tewn,
The Press., 1883-11-22

The New York papers tell a queer story in connection with the recent terrible mur. der near Roslyn, l.. I. A MT. Maybee, old, helpless, paralytic and blind, was fear fully beaten by two thieves who killed his wife and daughter. It was murder ot the most horrible sort and poor old MT. May bee was expected to die from the shock and distress. Instead of that he comes out of 1t with sight restored. The fierce blows of the the club that struck his head knocked the paralysis out of his optic nerve and opened his eyes so that he can now see all the trouble that he is plunged in. It is curious and pathetic incident whether it has any hearing or not upon medical science.
The Press., 1883-11-22

The large advance in the price of seal skins lately reported from the London market was explained by the announce. ment that the catch of seals this year had been very small The San Francisco Chronicle denies that this is the fact, and asserts thai the Alaska company, which is permitted under its lease from the govern ment to kill 100000 seals annually, has killed more than 9O,O00 this year.
The Press., 1883-11-22
UNION. ~
J4N AO1No MASHAPAUG. InnpREsPnNnENnE

M H. Kinney has been quite sick tht last few days, but is getting better now
 Rev. J. Betts preached in the chape at East Brimfeld last Sunday af ernoon and will preach in the same plate n Sun day, Dec. 2d. All are welcome.
 Winch & Wallace are giving employ. ment to nine hands in their box-shop and prist-mill
The Press., 1883-11-22

Large Bible Glass. 2,59O members at tend regularly the Saturday afternoon bi- ble class of the Boston Sunday School Teachers Union, conducted by Rev. R. R. Meredith, DID,, in Fremont Temple, on the next Sundays lesson. The concerts on the great organ, by Prof. Geo. Kendall Taylor, commence at 2:30. The scripture lesson at 3 o'clock Free to all.
The Press., 1883-11-22

Full returns at the office of the secretary of the Connecticut Temperance Union show that o4 of the 167 towns of the state are n6 license.