Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-06-21

/
| the West In those times was the shyest
thing in all natur', and it was most par
ticularly shy with me on that occasion.
The voters, seeing my predictment,
| fell off to the other side, and | was left
deserted and alone, as the government
will be when he no longer has any Off
Ger to bestow. | saw, plain as day, that
the tide of popular opinion was against
me, and that, unless got some rum
speedily, should lose my election as
sure as there are snakes in Virginia
and it must be done soon, or even burn
ed brandy wouldn't save me. So I
walked away from the shanty, but in
another sort from the way [ entered if,
| for on this occasion [ had no train af-
ter me, and not voice shouted FHuzza
for Crockett Popularity sometimes
depends on very small matter; indeed
In this particular, 1t was worth a quart
of New England rum, and no more.
"Well, knowing that crisis was at
hand, / struck into the woods with my
rife on my shoulder, my best friend in
time of need, and, as good fortune
| would have it, / had not been out more
than s. quarter of an hour before [
freed q fat coon, and in the pulling of
trigger he lay dead at the root of tree
I soon whipped his hairy jacket off his
back, and again bent my way toward
the shanty, and walked up to the bar,
but not alone, for this time [ had half
a dozen OF my constituents at my heels.
[ threw down the 'coonskin upon the
counter and called for quart of rum
and Job, though busy in dealing out
rum, forgot to point to his chalked rules
and regulations, for he knew that
coon was good legal tender for a
quart in Il West az d New York shil-
ling any W III the year. My constit-
uents no. focked about me and cried
'HUzza + n Crockett! 'Crocxet for everp
and finding the the tide had taken q
turn, / told them several yarns to get
them in a good hUmor, and having soon
dispatched the value Of the coon,
went out and mounted the stump with
out opposition, and clear majOrity of
the voters followed me to see what I
had to offer for the good of the nation.
Before l was half through one of my
constituents moved that they would
hear the balance of my speech after
they had washed down the first part
with some more Of Job Snelling's ex-
tract of cQrnstaIk and mOlasses; and
the question being put up, it was car
ried unanimously. It Wasn't consider
ed necessary to tell the yeas and nays,
SO we adjourned to the shanty, and on
the way began TO reckon that the fate
of the nation pretty much depended
upon my shooting another Coon
While standing at the bar, feeling sort
Of bashful, while Jobs rules and regu-
latiOns stared me In the face [ cast
down my eyes and discovered
one end of the 'coon-skin sticking be-
tween the logs that supported the
bar. Job had slung it there in
the hurry Of business. I gave it q sort
of quick jerk, and it followed my hand
as naturally as if l had been the right
full owner. [ slapped it on the corner,
and Job, little dreaming that he was
barking up the wrong tree, showed
along another bottle, which my con-
stituents quickly disposed of with great
good humor, for some of them saw the
trick, and then we withdrew to the ros-
trum to di. cuss the affairs of the ma
ton. don't know how it was, but the
voters soon became dry again, and
nothing would do bat we must return
to the shanty, and, as luck would have
it, the coon skin was still sticking be-
tween the logs, as if Job had flung it
there on purpose to tempt me. I was
not slow in raising it to the counter;
the rum followed, of course, and wish
[ may be shot if didn't, before the
day was over, get ten quarts from the
same Identical skin, and from fellow,
too, who In those parts was considered
as sharp as steel trap and as bright as
a pewter dollar.
'This joke secured my election. for
it soon circulated like smoke among
my constituents, and they allowed with
one accord that the man who could get
the whip-hand of Job Smelling in fair
trade could outwit Old Nick himself,
and was the real grit for them in con-
gress. After the election was over I
sent Smelling the price of the rum, but
took good care to keep the fact from
the knowledge of my constituents. Job
refused the money and sent me word
that it did him good to be taken in oc-
casionally, as it served to brighten his
ideas, but [ afterwards learned that
when he found out the trick that had
been played upon him he put all the
rum had order in the bill against my
opponent, who, being elated with the
speeches he had made upon the affairs
of the nation, could not descend to ex-
anime into the particulars Of bill of
vender of rum in a small way"
A Duel on Horseback.