The Black range., 1883-09-07
FOOLISHNESS.

Woman Is naturally tlmid. shrink
ing creature, but Il Is the bathing suit
that reveals her shrinkage the most.
The man who drinks can not conceal
It from the world. His habit Is red on
his nose.
The pig finds living in his pen and
30 does the editor. The similarity,
however. ceases at this point
An old song revised:
what is ship without a sail?
Adieu, my lover, adieul
What Is a monkey without atsil9
dude. my lover. dude.
Twenty-Five years ago a young Scotch
boy grrived at Castle Garden with only
twelve cents in his pocket. Now he is
$4,000 in debt.
II a two.wheeled vehicle is bicycle.
and a three-wheeled is tricycle., it does
not follow that one-wheeled is an
icicle. 1t is wheel-barrow.
There was once Wild eyed editor.
With a washwoman bold for a creditor;
When she dunned him out loud.
Right before a big crowd.
Myi didn't he shske his bald head at her.
A man never prides himself on the
smallness of his wife's feet when she
has got them planted in his spine and
is prying himout Of bed to build the
lire.
"Please to give me something. sir?"
says an old woman. Il had a blind
child; he was my only means of sCbsis-
tence. and the poor boy has recovered
his sight"
Young lady TO fellow passenger)-
"Can you tell me what station that is,
please?" Foreigner cooking out Of the
window at advertisement)-"I think it
is Coleman's mustard
A knowing heather: A Portland
(Oregon) Chinese peddler refused an
English shilling offered as two-bit
piece, saying: mo good. Me heap
sabe. No chicken on him.
Elderly philanthropist, to small boy
vainly trying to pull door-bell abov e
his reach: "Let me help you my little
man." pulls the bell) Small boy
NOW you had better run or we'll
both get licking
Now at earliest crack OF dawn
Neighbor Smith will NOV his lawn,
And across the tender grass he will
tear, tear, tear;
While the man who wants to sleep
Well. no; he will not weep,
But he'll turn upon his pillow and he'll
swear. swear. swear.
A Partisan author has translated
Shakespeares, line Out, brief candlep =
into French. thus: Get out short can.
die" That isn't as bad as the transla.
tion of an examination of Millions by a
Frenchma an, who rendered HAL hor.
rors hail!" thus: How dye do, horrors
how dye dor"
married my wife for her beauty
She married me for my-wit,
That got the best of the bargain
I'm candid enought to admit
Wit often subsidies into drivel,
That "beauty soon fades" is all bosh;
Ny wife is day at the wash.tub,
So am certain that beauty will wash.
Plantation Philosophy: Honesty is
gettin' scarcer ebery year case dare is
more people ter perylde. Pleasures de-
crease as da come near us. De fish is a
heap bigger fore year gets it outen de
water. De injurious is in dis worl' is
alters de fanclest. De brandy-bottle is
fixed up finer den de bread.tray. A
well-fed niger is de happiest man in
worl'. 1t doan make no Offence bout
clothes, but gin him some hog an den
take care.
A friend of mine, who dabbes con.
siderably in stocks, walked into a we'll
known clearinghouse the other day
and created considerable excitement by
remarking: Il got pretty good thing
when | bought that, last winter. II
was at thirty-four then, and to-day il
stands at ninety-fve." swell, should
say so,' exclaimed the senior partner
But what stock was i'll" 1T was a
thermometer" cody replied my friend
1t didn't cost the boys anything fol-
lemonade that day.
A self-acting sofa, just large enough
for two, has been invented. If proper
ly wound up it will begin to ring 6
warning bell just before 10 o'clock. A,
1910 it splits apart, and while one-halt
carries the daughter of the house u,
stairs the other half kicks her younl
man out of doors. They will come higl
but people must have them.
A child, while walking through al
art gallery with her mother, was at
tracted by a stature of Minerva. "Wh,
is thatP" said she.' "My child, that /
Minerva, the goddess of wisdom.
"Why didn't they make her husban,