The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1883-07-14

~ expecting him all day, but when a
gush of cloves preceded his entrance her
heart sank within her. Jack felt the i'm
portance of presenting a sober appear |
ance, and his bow was cold, almost stern,
and full of preternatural gravity.
"I wish you, Miss Benton, the COM
pliments OF the season, he said, in slow |
and deliberate accents. There was not a |
solitary "r" in this sentence. for Mr.. |
Quimby knew from past experience the |
dangers surrounding that consonant at |
this stage of the proceedings. "Judge,
am delighted to see you looking so |
well, and this time the bow was directed
to stiff, high-backed chair, an heir
loom in the Benton family.
''Sit down Jack, aud don't be silly"
whispered Alice, after greeting his
friends. "Oh, you wicked boyl what's
the mstter with your eyes? And your
necktie has slipped up under your ear.
How your gloves are stained with
claret?'
Half an hour latter Mr.. Quimby was
supported to the carriage, and Alice
registered solemn VOW that unless her
cousins plan was conclusively and per-
manently effective she would never be
Mrs. Quimby, if she had to live and die
an old maid. On the evening of Mr..
Quimby's call half dozen young fellows
sat together in the private rooms of
well known restaurant. Alice Benton's
cousin was chairman.
Boys" he said, "we must all Of us
make raid upon Quimby to morrow.
You, Jack, will be the deeply insulted
husband, and you, Tom, the honest viii
culturist whose money Quimby borrow
ed and squandered. Dick, want you
to play the undertaken from whom the
coffin was engaged, and Bill, you can ap-
pear as the man assaulted by Quimby-
| the angry man who had determined to
appeal to the law OF his country for re-
| dress in the shape of heavy damages.
The Office group will now rehearse."
When Jack Quimby awoke on the sec.
ond day of the year he had vague idea,
that he was on the threshold of sponta-
| neous combustion. "Never," he groan-
ed, "were my coppers so Internally hot
before. If do not join some temper
ance legion ere the day is over I am
lost man." Despite these reflections
Mr.. Quimby dressed and after q good
round of stiff cocktails, walked to his
Office and fell into the regular business
| groove.
"Quimby,' said the senior partner of
the firm, II want that invoice made out
by ten o'clock
| "All right, sir; am at work on it now. !"
Somebody for you, Mr.. Quimby," !"
cried the messenger boy, bursting into
the private Office.
"Show him in said Quimby. A tall,
gaunt individual followed the boy, and,
1 OF oil 0k To
cant chair.
"Of course you know who I am,
Quimby."
I'm blessed if do" replied Jack,
after close scrutiny; "never saw you
before in my life that can remember" +"
MY name," said the visitor, isis Eu.
tropius Brown, and l have brought you
! the coffin you ordered last evening. If
you will show me to the deceased, Mr..
| Quimby, I will arrange everything with
out further delay. l believe you re-
marked the corpse had been already two
days on ice."
Quimby looked at the window. Sure
enough, there stood black wagon out
side the door.
my dear sir" he said, "there is no.
body dead in this house. THIS is bus
iness house, and you are quite mistaken
about the address. never ordered a
coffin from you. I've got no one to
bury, and it strikes me-" added Jack
growing desperate. "that you are alto
| gether in error, in fact that you are not
quite right in your mind"
| SIS not your name John Quimby?"
"It is; I'm Quimby; but, great heav-
ems, have no use for an undertaken"
L - 7 4
voice, "did you come to my establish.
ment and ring the night bell? Why did
you tell me to bring along, the first
thing in the morning, the nobbiest cas-
ket in the shop? Do you think that is a
fair treatment for decent undertaken,
Mr.. Quimby? Do you think"
'tFor the Lords sake be quiet, !"
gasped Jack. "Here are five dollars for
a New Years present. Say no more
about it. Take your casket back and I
will call on you this afternoon and square
up the balance. Don't you see that I
was not myself when I spoke to you
about that interment? Now, go away,
like good fellow" and Jack pushed
Mr.. Brown out and sat down again to his
invoices with heavy heart.
| "How full must have been" he NUT
1
the orst I ever did. I wish T could re-
member something about what hap
pened after I left Benton's. But can't;
It's no use.
Gentleman wants to see Mr..
Quimby," shrieked the messenger.
"Dou't disturb ) ourself, Mr. Quimby," !"
| cried short, stout man with a bull
| neck. Just 1890. Come to give you
your lessons as per contract" and swing
ing sack from his back he took out
set of boxing gloves and smiled COM
placently at the astonished Quimby.
"What the devil are you doing here?s
| calculated that individual, as soon as he
recovered his breath.
Your boxing lesson, Mr.. Quimby.
Contract drawn up, sir, last night.
Signed in the presence of Mr.. Elmore.
Hours from ten to twelve every day, at
this Office. See for yourself" And the
pugilist handed Jack paper on which
his own signature appeared.
Here's S5," said Quimby; stake it
| for your trouble, Mr.. Slogan, and come
the latter part of next week" And as
the pugilist put his gloves away and
| walked off, Jack clasped his hands about
| his head and fell into train of serious
thought.
GIVE been off" he said, "but never SO
off as was yesterday. A coffin aud box
ing lessons-where the deuce could I
have been, anyhow"
''Let me in! / must see him D-n
L l. L.