Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1883-03-08


his thsune q dienily, where in his hrzs card
be fortised hinssig aeaisss ths sword ofiusals,
has buekisd - HI araor and condesrsnaea
70 do baitls viii : high private IL sbe rear
ranks. -
he charges alOng nv ensiFs line from right
% isRs awesping svesy thing beioFe him like .
ghiSIviad, and / fear, snless display be-
Ger eenasalship. he win be in my rear and an
initiate me before can eros orer into CAl-
vert where am 70 be taught pure CockbnEn
manners. Really, Prince. an. sogry you
hare come down from jour lolsy p1aision, for
two reasons, first, because Chapnco win lose
the dignity q her biggest man, and, second
u, because the blossom oflovs will bloom 40
more on your cheek forsver.
! think, however, can stiIl call yoa my
fsiend, for jon. have brOaght me back from
the Dry TOrtngas 70 my native place, where
] can breathe the air Of freedom again and
read your interesting cards in the BEAcoz. I
am also obliged 10 you for quite q hies plea-
sure trip to Calvert county, DesrOiE and Snake
Island. ] regret y0u did not include Wash
ingtou, D. c.. Is think, through your in
auenee, ] might hare gotten situation on
the street cars for = couple Of weeks.
My trip, beIisse, cominences In Calvert.
Well, friend L., have visited Calvert qnise
often and can testify 10 the sociaIisy and hos
Pitality Of Der people. The only objeeliOa
one could have to them l., that they are % i'm
tolerabIy ignorant q Coekbnrn mnnnera and
% totally deficient in the higher branches Of
Physical Geography, as taught At the Gross
Roads. advise you, Mr.. Teasher, 70 cross
over into Calvert and locate at place called
Sharp Sheet, where there Is said 70 be High
School that beats Charlotte Hall two to one,
crowded with students, who are almost DYING
to be instructed in C0ckbuFn manners and 70
hear Jour lectures on Snake Island and Horse
Latitude. lam sure your talent for teaching
will secure for you the Principals place in
this High School, besides il will be stepping
stone to prOfessorship in Yale or Harvard.
The next place yOu name on my trip is De-
troit which, conclude, is q one horse town,
as you fail 10 describe Il. ] shall. therefore,
not stop At this place long, but hasten on board
the Betsy Jane and commence ny voyage 10
Snake Island, which you speak as Of being an
interesting Island. the only Objection being
the Water Snakes Well, friend L., as do
not fear these water reptiles, | will take up
my quarters under the Chime Bells. Bnt, my
friend, while do not fear Water Snakes, let
me tell you that do stand in dread ofsuapping
turtles, and especially the big-headed one that
inhabit the Postofice at chaptico, which
may be described as having q spring rattle
tail and q gas kettle head, but is said to be
good-natured on all matters except Postofice
matters fla fellow happens to mention The
BEAcOss being sent to Canada, his head 10
erected with spasmodic jerk, his mouth flies
open and streams Of iorked lightning issue
forth upon the uulucky offender. This orked
lightning he uses on me, the gas from his kel-
lie be distributes to puif his cards, and the
rattle is warning to The BEAcoE. So, look
out, BEAcOx. you viii catch thunder next.
The next in order is Horse Latitude. Being
little rusty in Physical Geography, 70 post
myself, consulted one Of our colorcd teachers
about this place, who informed me, that yOu
are right, friend L., about its being rough on
horse flesh. But this teacher tells me some
thing about this latitude which you failed 20
mention. Said teacher states that, while this
latitude Is hard ON horses. that asses prosper
well there. To be certain Of this thing, will
inquire Of our School Examiner next time
see him, aud il he confirms the aforesaid teach
er's statement, friend L., you go there sure,
that Is, IL can muster sufficient influence at
Washington 70 send you, aud can lind = boat
that will float with your long-eared lordship.
But before you 20, you will have 20 be sent 10
Calvert TO learn the Cockburn manners.
take this precaution, because your family are
noted kirkers. and il this should be neglected,
you might kick Horse Latitude out OF exis-
ieuce.
Prince L., you think you have given me q
severe spell OF vertigo. | acknowledge this,
and more You have also given me The Tor
iueas-gO, the Calvert-go, the Snake Island-go,
aud came very near giving me lhe 90 TO Horse
Latitude, but just at this 60, you grew selfish
and reserved il tor yourself. fQ
Well, friend, am sorry 70 mention IL, bnt
il seems you, too, are afflicted with chronic
disease, aud you: symptoms clearly Indicate
that you bave sure case OF Rooster Goat and
rheumatism. Old cocks are great sufferers
from these diseases. The first symptoms are
q swelling Of the joints, Mt the hook, and
contraction Of the toes. The bird loses the
use Of It's legs and i unable to 90 about, and
ii he dues 80, totters a few steps and then
squais again. He will eat well, although un-
able TO so about. and will even sit and crow
all day without moving from the spot.
10 was In this predicament that our very e.
ficient mail carrier found our Chaptico FooS-
e. Gnr A..u- l.. =
liz and fierceIy over his card to appear in the
next BEACON that be scared the poor youth al
most out Of his boots. This disease is said 70
be extremely difficult 10 manage, and As The
only Doctor who knows how to. treat il a. ali
At last accounts had left for the South, pre-
scribe for yoa Limbo Physician's remedy
10 gal. Of Snake Island Cordial, add gal.
OF Horse Latitude Apple-Jack Shake well
and take one pr. every two hours. This will
keep You alive until you can consult your
phy stefan.
You say, friend L., that you consider my
works about wound up. You might have
added in equal good taste, in the language Of
our esteemed States Attorney, that am CON-
pleieIy ''smothered and split mp forever" /
acknowledge this, too, but think the read
ers OF the BEAcoN can afford 20 account for my
misfortune, as big fish are expected 70 swallow
small CUES.
In regard to the Legislature, have 10 say
to yon, that should get back from Snake Is
land in time to head my bark for Annapolis
this Fall, will call on the republican Bell
Weiher Of the district, take some lessons In
the ART Of fence jumping, and ride on your
shoulders 20 the Legislature. Remember.
Prince William Charles, y0n have promised
me your support, and II you don't put me
through right, / will have your Tortugas
boiler repaired, convert ron intO mud ma
chine and pat you 10 cleaning out the chan
mel Of the Potomac River. % that the big
democratic flagship may sail into Washing.
ton in "a when you will hare an opportuni-
~ Of Witnessing what kind Of combustion