The National tribune., 1883-01-04
SOME sIDE-sPLITTERs.
What the Funny Fellows age Saying in the News
papers.

papers.
A closure: Liberal Landlord" What are
you doing in my back yard:" Irish tramp leu-
gagged in mending his clothesi-"I was ji5t a
gatherin' in me rints sorrW The squire drops
the subject and retires.-LoadoH Pt.Hct.
Perfectly empty: do wish you would come
home earlier" said a woman to her husband.
" l am afraid to stay alone. I always imagine
that there's somebody in the house, but when
you come know there ain n't-ArkGnsal0 Trap
eLer.
bit Of human nature When q man is
elected ter office his frien's come aroun' an
says: rs glad dat yer's beat yer opponent, bat
I amt surprised" But eff be is beat, his friens
go TO some man on de udder side an say: [
tole him not ter run, no hoW."-ArkansaD
TrGUslsr
mistake: At a special election held in New
Bedford recently, certain drummer who was
looking for place 10 qUench his thirst, walked
into ward room and inquired what was going
on. He was told an election. "Thes;deyil,"
he said, "I thought it was a bar rOom," and
he left in disgust, amid the laughter of the oti-
cials.-B0stOn Globe.
An Arkansas editor, in retiring from the
editorial control of newspaper, said: 4" 1t is
with a feeling Of sadness that we retire from
the active control of this paper; but We leave
our journal with a gentleman who is abier than
we are financially, to handle it-a gentleman
we'll known in this community. Lie IS the
sheriff"
Two odd names: So you have got twins at
your house." said Mrs. Bezuube TO little
Tommy Samueson. " Yes, maam; two Of EN-"
What are you going to call themp Thunder
and Lightning" why, those are strange
names TO call children" owen, that's what
pa called them as soon as he heard they were
in the house."-TeJGs Sift6ys
A matter of time: Time and again, without
any gain TO himself however has an Austin
tailor, Mr.. Piukney French, dunued DR.. w. Z.
Rodes. The latter has been owing the former
q tailor's bin for the last four years. Doctor,
/ am losing a great deal OF time trying to col
lect that BILL" said French. You viii get all
your time back I am going to pay you In
time.-Teras S.JIiHgs
Guuter's Incarceration: A gentleman while
| bathing at sea saw his lawyer rise up at his
side after a long dive. After exchanging salu-
tatious, says he, Z" BY the way, how about Gum
terY' s. He is in JAIL replied the lawyer and
! aived again. The gentleman thought no moro
of it, but on getting hisaccOuut he found: To,
consultation at sea about the Incarceration OF
Gunter, So Springfield Republican.
Inconsistencies: The dancing lady who tries
to wear the skirt of her dress under her arm
and the waist around her knees and kicks her.
Shippers clear over JlS orCheStfd CAtltS every
night, gets 5000 a week and the city missionary
gets 5000 year; the horse race scoops III
| > 600 the first day and the church fair lasts q
week, works thirty Of its best women nearly to
death and comes out so in debt.-Aarl5Oro
Times.
Trying to disgrace his relations: How did
you ever come to run for the Legislature any
how" asked Charles O'Bear of Myer Hudgins,
newly-elected member OF the Missouri Legis-
ature aud who is visiting Austin for his health.
" did it to bring disgrace on my uncle. He
| treated me badly when | was boy, and I took
a fearful vow / would humiIidte him and
have done it," "What business is your uncIe
engaged IMP" HE is making shoes in the Ohio
Peuitentiary." TeraS S!ttiags.