The Arizona champion., 1883-12-08


 "Real imitation lace"
 .'I claim the right of way" says the hayscales in the street.
 The age at which many marry--The parsonage.
 The fashionable susan now writeth her nickname "SiouX.
 A nod thing in bonne,s-A sleeping beauty in church.
 A sign of an early iall--A bar of soap on the cellar steps.
 Singular that electric light companies should be SD largely composed oi heavy men.
 A Chicago detective has partially re- formed and become a bank robber.
 "The slugger, sullivan, never goes armed" says sporting journal. He doesn't need to.
 A Texas murderer recently received regular William M. Eyarts sentence ninety-nine years.
 Aided by it's 400 physicians, Cincin- natl is enabled to boast of one of the finest cemeteries in the world.
 ''Why are you so distant" said d tramp to beefsteak in the restaurant window.
 What has the New Orleans PicoytHe got against blacksmiths? It says the Chicago Times is edited by one.
 A new style of writing paper is called "Dude." We infer that it is a kind of ioolscap
 A young lady who has been leased out of ten dozen copies of her photo graph calls her friends begging a picture-ask performance.
 The immense new organ for the Ca thedral at Riga has l25 stops. This is l22 more than "Grandfather's Clock" has.
 'I'll meet you at the polls, as the brush at the barber shop remarked to the comb. 'I shall be there" replied the comb, "and do some scratching, too"
 We observe that the son of an Indian Chief is learning to be plumber. This will enable him to scalp people without the aid of q knife.
 A Philadelphia lawyer, too proud to allow his friends to suppose that he practices in the divorce courts, adver- tises "Nistit marriages a specially"
 Novelist Towels thinks Heaven will be a place of ''unceasing and seli-con- trolling activities with energes that are immortal" " Does he mean saving wood?
 It is said that life at an elevation of 20 ,000 feet is impossible. Citizens who are in the habit of getting elevated every night must take care not to reach this limit.
 'I wish l had pug dog" said an uptown youth recently. "What in the world do, you want one of the critters ior?" asked q friend "I know where l could sell him for $l5" was the earnest reply.
 Did you ever think what you would do if you had the Duke of Westminster's income?' Village pastor; "No, but have sometimes wondered what he would do if he had minc."
 "Are you going to follow the sug- gestion of the railway officials and adopt | the mean time?' asked the watch maker of Mr. Stubbins. "NIean time ? l No, indeed My watch keeps mean time enough now"
 Ada Richmond's new piece. written | by Joaquin Miller, is entitled "Tally | lIo.' Not bad name for stage | piece. The actors ought to get well | coached in such play and it ought 10 | have good run.
 'If," asks the Chicago News, "Matthew Arnold is neither the man who betrayed his country nor the man who wrote the "Light of Asia il is surnised he can't amount to very much unless, perchance, he should happen to be author of Arnold's writing ink. ."
 It having been stated that Miss Anna Berger would conduct an English or chestra during the performance of a medley from "The Queens Lace Hand hfiNIlltl, ll HUN bttll StSBtSltu lIlhl the fair leader should receive the title of "The Queens Band-Anna."
 The ChriStion dt Work contains an article entitled; 'Ilow to Make Wife Insane" As we think it is very m- right to make wife insane, we shall not reproduce the article; and we are surpsised that a journal, claiming to be q religious teacher, should print such a recipe.
 The banjo, which is indigenous to America, is more fashionable than ever. Ladies of the highest responsibility are quite proud of being proficient pickers of this queer little instrument, which originally did not cost more than a cents. At present some rich people pay AZ high as S70 fora banjo, made of rose wood and bound with slver.