National Republican., 1883-08-28

e. ~, IN me ATgondW.
On vacant lot back of Covington, KY, is
posted this sign No plane base Boil on these
Primaces"
Mr.. WATTERsoN says that New Yorkers
eat oysters all the year round because there is an
ar" in year.
A CONNECTICUT lightning rod agent has re-
Gently lost two sons, who were struck by light
Mug in Nebraska.
CAPT. WEBB, an English democrat, has
bssn engulfed by the whirlpool at Niagara. The
| whirlpool must go.-C A. Dana,
AN Alexandria correspondent says If the
| British troops should be withdrawn from Egypt no
European family would remain in the country q
week after their departure.
IT is announced that Queen Victoria goes
through the newspapers like an exchange editor
OF course she omits the exchange editors remarks
| which burst forth at regular intervals.
JANE GREY SwIssHELM says: "You can
not lessen the size of woman's waist without
| stunting her brains" This Is why girl rolls
her eyes and looks idiotic while being squeezed
AT a swell dinner party at Newport last
week, when the guests departed they were each
given photograph of the dining table. Many
took it home and lived on it all the next day
LotOeH Ctisen
PITTsBURG Telegraph: After reading a list
OF horrors, from an earthquake to a suicide, and
footing up at least 1000 dead 1t is positive lux
ury to turn to demurelitle Item about woman
out in Ohio having triplets.
LITTLE Johnny says that all men do not
belong to the animal kingdom. For instance,
there Is the circus proprietor He doesn't belong
| to the animal kingdom but the animal kingdom
belongs to him.-Boston Transcript.
DE ole advice, "be slow ter anpor.R a n
| fniUhty uon ~ I,o
man should ack like he couldn't whip chile, but
arter he gifts inter de fight he should ack like he
could whip dozen men-Arkansdw Traueler.
ONE of the men who knows it all rather
took away Miss Georgia Cayvons breath in the
Luxembourg gallery the other day by explaining
to her that certain picture of Christ and the
Magdalen was "our Lord pardoning the adulter-
| ated woman"
mo-" said the man who had been looking
around for q house and finally found one next the
cemetery, l don't think the situation is pleas
ant one, but then it's handy. Whenever there's
a death in the family we won't need TO have hacks
at the funeral. "-LotesA Citizen.
A PARTISAN paper offers coffin as q pre-
MUM to each yearly subscriber. The Bismarck
Tribune thinks that when reader sits down to
tackle column of Partisan jokes 1t is gratifying
to feel thata receptacle is prepared for his pain
distorted body If he fails to survive the ordeal.
MORMON wife writes pathetic letter
to the Independent telling of her distress and the
suffering OF other Mormon women account Of
the revelation of " celestial marriage" Sho states
that the strength of this system is being under
minded by its very weakness. Attacks from the
world outside Of Utah be of little avail, yet
the work Of disintegration has already begun from
within.
ELIAS DocKEY, of Northumberland county,
Pa, the other day found turtle on his farm with
the date and initials, "1777-J. d." scratched on
his shell. The initials are those of Mr.. Dockey's,
, grandfather, who owned the farm at that time.
Mr.. Dockey neglected to state in his interesting
narrative that he cut the date and initials on the
! turtle himself about three weeks ago. So we
, kindly supply the omission for him. No thanks,
Mr. Dockey 1--WE are an old liar ourself" and
we always like to help man out when we SEQ
! him forgetting Observation-Disclosures Haukew
, THERE is nothing for which we should be
more devoutly thankful than the blessings en-
tailed by thorough education, This beautiful
aphorism on the half shell is suggested by a re-
mark which recently fell gently to the floor from
the lips of society lady who leads the bonne tong
in Pealuma. She apologies for coming on visit
to San Francisco as follows: "Our furniture was
Z faded aud worn and so we sent 1t to the upper
bosterer TO have 1t ripped in blue and marine
As soon as 1t is appoulticed shall return to our
lairs and peanuts after enjoying the spectacles Of
the Nights Tumblers in their procession from the
Q McKanns institoot."-Saa Francisco Ne,0S Letter.
= =, The Baltimore girl has dog style of her
n own which Is an improvement upon anything yet
seen In that line, She makes her own dog.
strange as 1t may seem. After deciding upon the
kind of dog she wants, she buys the shaded plush
. CLOTH satin, linen, or fur that her nimble fingers
! can manipulate into the shape she desires, and
:, then she cuts out her canine pet, stufs 1t with
raw cotton, sews on its tail and ears, fits couple
of glass marbles in for eyes, and there she has q
B. dog which she can hold in the most graceful at
= tude. suited precisely in size and shape to her
favorlte breed, and in color harmonizlng beauti-
l. fully with her complexion and dress. Some ultra
f fashionable families have number of these pud-
l. ding pugs and poodles made up and constantly
3, on hand to match their various costumes.
y A TOUGH snake story comes from Nevada.
Ono night recently as the stage was app reaching
Woodiord canon, the team began TO fag wonder
fully and the driver was at a loss to account for
10 It. The driver, TO his asonishment, found, as he
5. supposed, that rope had been tied between the
n two wheels. Laying his hand on the rope he
started back with yell Of horror on discovering
that live snake had twisted itself between the
~ hind and fore wheels aud was holding the stage
70 as securely If tho wheels had been tied with an
inch rope. The passengers got out and tackled
the snake with clubs and stones, and as the snake
g thrashed about uLder the wheels the horses were
W wild with terror He was finally killed by blow
70 the head and 1t after midnight before they
got him disentangled from the wheels
"a THE Galveston Ne,ps relates the following
a. ~ An English gentleman thus amusngly hits of one
~ of the minor annoyances Of travelling in the west
"Tm much pleased" he says, with the country
"a and very much enjoy travelling in it, but do You
10 know that your railroad eating house system Is
" very annoYing2 Just as a man sits down and per
o1 suades himself into nap, negro comes along
shakes him, and says, supper at Catfish 2 You
tell him yes and arouse yourself You are, o.
~ course very hungry, and every time the train
Ne stops you expect to hear some one shout, Catfish
ID twenty minutes for supper; but the train rolls on
III After awhile the negro that aroused you comes
along, aud you say, How far is 1t TO Catfish?
80 Sah2' How far Is II to CatfshY 'Bout twenty
70 Ave miles sah.' What made you arouse me baol
ne yonderY Wanted to know whuder yer wanted
io io supper so could telegraph ahead Da only cook
,d what's ordered sah.' Twenty miles to a hungry
man Is long distance, and you loll around witt
a cigar awhile aud finally drop off to sleep. Afle
Wy awhile you awake and wait for the train to get Il
of the station. The negro comes through again
n How far is 1t 70 CathshY sahF asked you
re how far is 1t to Catfsh2 yves dun passed dar
no IS sah.' why didn't you wake meY 'CRuse ye
got mad when Iwoke yer afo', Ash.'"