The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-07-07
THE MONKEY BARBER AGAIN.
BE Plays Choke on the Old Man and
the New York Sun Reporter


Hello, young Weller" said the Mon
Key Barber in the shop near the Cooper
Institute, II peen der poss here now
Der olt man has got q proken chaw.
"How on earth did he break itP'
"Oh, it vosn't NIT himselluf he proke
it. If he could done dot he would long
ago hat proken it dalking. Der olt man
vos dalking like he always done, choost
as if his tongue vos drying to make a
fool of his brains. Dot vos der alder
noon backwards of lasd Duesday. He
mate chokes apoud der garbenders und
shoemakers und such dings. Presently
der lasd gusdimer-a fearful pig Irish
man--g into der shair, me und der
poss der mittle bedween.
.Oi soy, barber, he hat sayt. you've
way av spakin' yer moind right out,
SO We have"
4 chenerally sbeak blain English
der poss hat sayt.
"'Oi wud loike fer ter git yer opinion
on the tailors.
'Soo-o-o?' sayt der poss, as simple
rs pilly goat drilling init Il package OF
dynamite; Il can some pully chokes re-
member apoud der dailors. We used to
say by Chcrmany, goot, healdthy dali
lor ought to Weigh nineteen bounds, und
should not peen avraid to vent ovid on
a windy day WITHOUT daking his goose
along to keeb him from blowing away.
Can't you think nv e'er anudther
joke upon the tailors?'
"'Vell, yes, der poss hat sayt, der
used to peen a sdory of vonce upon a
dime yes der dailors all used to sit der
mittle of der floor und work, but Won
morning shdupid serfant girl swept
Won of 'em into dust band und vlung
him der ash parrel inside, we're he vos
sutfogated. Sine dot dime der dailors
hat sat always der dop of a dable, ovid
of der way Of der prooms.
"'Well, sorr,' der pig lrishman sayt
in a voice more louder rs der dooting
of logomotif. me name is McNulty,
the Bowery tailor, an whin you git troo
Shawn me Oh intend fer ter knock tn
everlasting dayloights of av We, and
Oi'll civ vez notice yer can sind out fer
all d'uther Dootchmn yez can fond,
an OH polish the whole Nv 'em to the
Duane taste, so Oi will
"Vell, dot vos trightful. De poss he
drembled like der cracks of der elevat-
ed railrote, und he had sayt to me in n
visper. 'Chaky, my poy. hat put der
dwo Of mine feet in it dot dime. Ain d
YOU sorry for der old mani? Dressed
his hant in silence mitout sbeaking Won
word"
An mark moi wurruds,' sayt dot
gusdimer. if you lave the sign av q
scratch on me face wild yer resor, yer
iaw-twisting, la,hering, haythen devil,
DIN lick yez fust an make yez shave
me afthcr.'
'Chaky,' der poss vispered, i wish
YOU could dink of vot der defill | shall
done.
Theirs been altergither tew much
Dutch goin on in the city, dot Irishman
sayt. It's got fer ter be n-yuisance
an it's got fer ter be reggerlatid.'
"'Shall make myselluf der pleasure
to put on your het 4 leedle oil, srP' der
poss Sayt, 'chooSt as bolite rs if he vos
sbeaking 10 some lady owitsite of his
wife.
"'Ycz'll put lie on me head, an the
Dist yez have. an plenty af it, an yez II
d up me hair in the Fifth avenue stoyle.
wild bangs an tashboards foreninst me
ears. an p;t-art behoind, an Loo-ey
Boncy-pa-art waXt inds to me musstash
an bay rum. an powdher, an allim
wather, an pomaytum. an all ov the
Dist, that Oi may look foine, whoilst
Oh m afthcr pain ycz fer yer bl"b wild
me chew fists an fate. Dye MONT that,
We g-varlic-stuffin limburgerde-vourin
| boboou?'
" 'C.aky,' der poss vispercd, vent
right away ovid und COLLAR boleecc-
man, wien will safe der botc Of our lifes.
Get IN Irish holceceEan, Chaky; dem
hat nol he. science Of der boicece peeZe-
ness down finer, und dem get to work
more gwicHer rs der Chcrman vons,
"Veli. To make shOrtness ovid of my
sdory, | ven; und didE't find Il Loieece-
man insite of dwo miles. ind ven | 90;
beck der olt man vos hanging droo der
beck vinder sash. his legs der shop IN
site, und his head in der beck yard. He
will pecn sick more rs a mondth.
just as the reporter finished brushing
his coat the proprietor ran briskly down
the steps into the shop showing not a
sign of the Entertainment he was credited
with having received.
"Py chiminy. You are quick ovid,
said the assistant. and dashed up the
stairs.
"Gwick ovid" said the proprietor;
II hobe dot monkey parber has no,
been ledding himsclluf from his imatch-
ination loose. Der only dings | peen
gwick ovid Of is feefdy cents choost
lost insite Of dwenty minutes Ply pc
nuckle in der saloon der street agross.
Where Titles Come from.
The prediction Of Southern people