The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1883-01-19
DEAD BEATS.
LAUGHABIE JOKES, AND ONE STORY THAT
Is POSITIVELY CHASTITY,


a case now comes to mind, however. that
illustrates the artist in his business TO per
lection. He was well-dressed man, and
when he entered the Office the clerk scrutin-
lied him and concluded that il would be a
matter OF difficulty 10 discriminate between
him and millionaire He registered his
name IN Sir-J Joseph- Porter-K--C.-B style
that commanded respect. When he entered
the dining-rOOm the walters bowed obseaui-
ouSly. lie sat down and occupied a full
hour discussing every article the bill Of fare
promised. He had reached tn limit in the
shape of g pudding. Suddenly q Mortified
exclamation burst from his lips. The wait
ers gathered anViously around
Is tbs what You give your guests 10 eat p
he shouted, eIcitedly.
''Sh! don't speak so loud said the head
waiter, soOthngiy.
90 Yes but I viii speak loud, % and II you
are in the habit Of cooking CO" But the
hand OF the head waiter stitisd the remain
der Of the word.
d Sh don't say ANYTHING about t. and
your meal sha'ut cost YOU a cent
Well, that's all right, said the swell
with Frightening cOuntenance, and be left
the room.
In the bottom Of the dessert-dish was-sn
reached the pavement, threw = wink over
his shoulder, and, putting his hand in his
yest-pOcket removed therefrOm and deposit
ed in .he gutter a half dozen OF more Of the
not cent OF money, snd after he had eaten
bis ill placed the cOczrO8ch IN the dish and
made holy kick on the strength Of Il to
elude the demand he knew would be mace
for a cash settlement.
The manner in which another Of the pro
teSsion succeeded in beating place Of pub
lie entertainment was so ludicrous that we
repeat it, although. fearful that to many &c
may be a " chestnut, as the bows say. A
man entered the Grand Pacific one evening
late-any Grand Pacific viii dO-and asked
for a room lie wore a long ulster buttOned
from throat 10 ankle, which be did not open
while under Surveillance Of any Of the at
taches uf the house Early next morning
the bell connected with his room rang furi-
Ously. The clerk and the bell-boy flew for
his roOm, and found him raging and storming
about Ike a maniac. " have been robbed, -
be yelled, in answer TO their anxious queries ::
." all my clothes are gone. They contained
all OF my valuables. Nv trousers contained
500 IN money, and there was q diamond
stud IN my shirt" The last word was
positive veil 4 new suit was given 20 him.
besi5es S1OO in money. Later 10 was learn
ed That he had owned no clothing rt all and
had utilized the long ulst er TO hide his naked
ness until he could get his work in on the
hotel.
All the cases hitherto mentioned possess
their humorous side, but just now there
comes - mind q case that in al its details
was positively CHASTITY.
Once uuo1 a time Who threw that
stand chat we viii begin again
A wFil-dressed- middle-ageC man OF seri-
Cus aspect entered q well-knOwn hotel I'm e
leading Indiana city q few years ago. and
asked for 3 room. With him he had an
enormous trunk, which, by his request was
conveyed 20 the apartment assigned to him.
He had made arrangements that at no time
should he be disturbed, neither for meals nor
anything else. he even went 20 far as to
demand That the servants be ordered rot 20
enter the room. Days passed. The strange
man came and went without attracting any
particular attention. Finally he ceased to
appear but at the time nothing was thought
of the affair. as he frequently remained in
his room q day at q time. On the morning
of the third day one of the servants knocked
at the door but received no answer save the
Cuus OmluOuS echo from the apparently
empty room. With n fear that he could not
express depicted in bis face he sought the
landlord AMI told him OF the strange affair
Together they sought the room, and Tecefv-
ing no response to their demands for admis-
sion, burst open the door. A hoTrid sight
met their eyes. There, lying in the centre Of
the room, was the body Of the strange board
eT, while lying some distance away was
staring, grinniDe head. The body was lying
in a pool of blood, just in front OF a queer
looking machine, which, on examination
proved IN be . guiilotine An investigation
developed circumstautially, that the big
trunk contained the Instruments Of death
that all the time he passed in the seelHsiOn
OF MS own room was passed IN putting the
machine together II was stationed, as be-
fore stated, in the centre Of the room. The
knife was as keen As a razor and heavily
weighted, so as to give force to its descent.
was held up by a cord, that, passing on
I through a pulIy fastened 70 the ceiling, ran
along and down the wall to the table, where
. it was passed along close to a candle, and
fastened to an object provided for that pur-
pose. On the table in addition 70 the candle
and cord fastener, was bottle that had con-
tanned chloroform. When all was prepared
this strange man had evidently iit z candle,
. inhaled the chl0rofnTm, and then Isiu with
his neck underneath the fatal knife. The
drug caused him TO pass into unconscious
ness. As the hours passed the candle barn:
I ed lower and lower, and finally reaching the
( cord and burned il in twain. The knife de-
. seeuded, and the stranger passed paiulezsiV
from sleep TO death He cOuTted deaf. nd
beat his earthly landlOrd.-Cin CineiBHt n
qtftreT.