The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-07-08
STOLEN SMILES.

A WOMAN in Mexico Is llj years old. Can
any member of the corps de ballet beat
/ this1
Strawberry Observation-Disclosures free. ,
Alas The Strawberries are not admitted
free.
A man whose best works are always
trampIed under foot--a carpet manHiac
turer.
Silas d. RatilTe is u senator, one who a.
such Is intructed with large quantities Of the
publ @ money.
Specimen of Princeton trial: Lawyer
ibid the ground slmt}h Witness es
sir, " LawSo But did it slant at an
angle?"
To be tried Tor his liFs--The hen pecked
husband. Two cats ON the back fence meet
purr-chance the usual way. Brought up
by hand-The coal.hod
An EDglish traveller thinks that we have
mighty comfortable quarters in our sleep
ny cars. Yes, we do have pocket full Of
em when we start but we fee em all out
to porters before we get there.
BROOKLYN wife-"My gracious what nm
odor. What have you been drinking2'
Husband nothin' tall, m'dear;
ano2zer panic on tn bridge an an alder,
man got crushed near me; that's all,
m dear"
A barber shop bit: as that about the
right length, sir2" asked the skillful barber,
AZ he finished cutting his customers hair.
81 like the sides and back" was the re-
Spouse; But wish yon would make it a
little longer on top"
A Leadville woman recently stole four
gold watches from as many persons during
dinner hour At u restaurant. IL is inn
possible to steal the watch of Yankee.
He always keeps IL before his eyes when
eating to see ii he can beat his previous
10 ord.
| know that II is rude for me to call him
dude as pass; but his bob-tail coat, you
know, and insane features show the wearer
Is All ass, And if | should live to be such
n jackanapes as he, such daft; wear tight
trousers, sore-throAt dickey, toothpick
shoes and darling sickle, you may laugh.
We hear from Chicago that hogs are
steady. They are just as steady in New
York, and are to be seen almost any day,
NJ elmer, putting their knives in their
mouths. making u noise like mountain
torrent when swallowing their soup and
sticking their table napkins under their
chius.
"a paShhko NNllhlulUE TWO uThllS, one tOf
81 600, another for $1,000, and a So gold
piece, belonging to n lady in Beauregard,
Miss, was found ITO miles from that place,
having been blown there by tho cyclone.
II takes a cyclone to raise the wind,n and
you will find always more or less breeze
where there is draft.
At fashionable wedding in New York
the ceremony was performed under floral
umbrella. This was probably little sug.
gestion OF the BRIDES mother, who wante,!
the groom to understand by the emblem
that he ought TO put up something Tor a
rainy day. Oh, no II was u suggestion
for paraso-taire diamond earrings.
"Mehitable Jane, | cannot give you an.
other new dress his summer calculated
| Mrs. Purse-proud to her darling, "youl
fathers pocket book has been drained by
| You now; in fact, IL is dry" "But, mann
ma, must" "Nou must not, - interrupt
ed Mrs, Z. You are a-a--" "a regular
clothes wringer," reioined the young lady
A Boston man chung to friendly lamp
post in the vicinity OF the University CLUB
and as hemade several Intellectual attempt.
to stop the drugstore on the corner under
the impression that it was q horse-car. ex
claimed "li (hlc) there'sh anything lhic
that | (nic) despise, it'sh one thing Ihic
more'n Mother" The drug store continued
TO whirl around until policeman came
along.