The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-05-19
WIT AND HUMOR,

~
and dried affair, just like caucus.
When certain bachelor was married
members of the bachelor club broke him
up by sending him as wedding present
a copy OF Paradise Lost - 'ol
The services of gentleman who
wants 10 be correspondent of the
Epenlng Bulletin are respectfully de-
clined on account of his 'reileranccs,
Philadelphia Bulletin.
81 have shocking news for you" said
q gentleman approaching Col. WeX-
more. Your wife" dead. is she?'
asked the Colonel "Oh no. She has
returned home" "Oh, Lordr' said
the Colonel, --Ark. Traveler.
Venus rises two and half hours be-
fore the sun. 1t naturally takes the old
girl some time to kindle fire and ret
the tangles out of her hair before break
fast time. The sun gets up earlier when
the weather gets warmer.
1.-The Pendleton civil service bill has
passed. remarked Mr. Wigglesworth,
from the interior of his paper. "Well,
I'm glad of that" said his wife, land
now | hope our hired girl will have
little more manners.
A young politician explained the tat
tered condition of his trousers to his IA
Their by stating that he was sitting under
an apple tree enjoying himself, when
the farmers dog came along and con-
tested his seat
"She wears Louis XIV. shoes, does
she?" exclaimed Mrs. Recentwealth.
well, she's got mighty big feet if that's
her size, that's all I've got to say"
And the old lady .contemplates her own
canal-boat shoes with evident satisfac-
ton
Mrs. Marrowfat had Just finished
reading an account of Michigan girl
who had dropped dead upon receiving
an offer of marriage from young man,
when Miltiades quietly asked; Mother,
don't you suppose he knewit would kill
her?"
A North Carolina woman, aged SO,
has just begun to learn to read, Prob
ably she was informed by an enemy
that her name was in one Of the local
papers When woman's curiosity is
once aroused there's no telling what
she will do in order to crafty it-M Y.
.4dUertiSer.
There are some persons who cannot
take a joke, but Fogg is not one of them.
One of the boys, acquainted with Fogg's
frequent change of abode, asked him
which he thought was the cheaper, to
move or pay rent IL can't tell you,
my dear boy replied Fogg; Il have
always moved"
Very tired in their heads: First Duf-
fer-"You say you have met me before,
and ! have an impression that | have
met you before. Can you tell me when
it was?" Second Ditto--'I can, sir; il
was at the same time that met YOU
First Duifer (reflecting) --"Yes, yes; il
must have been; but what remarkable
coincidencem
While Robert Burns was at Moffat
once, with Clark, the composer, the
poet called for bumper of brandy.
ooh, not a bumper" said the musician;
81 prefer two small glasses Two |
small glasses'' cried Burns, "why, you
are like the lass in Kyle, who said she
would rather be kissed twice bareheaded |
than once with her bonnet on.
"A few days ago about hundred clerks
in one of the departments at Washing
ton sent to this locality a contribution OF
S27 and large amount of sympathy fol
the Hood sufferers, 1t was good thing
for the sufferers that the big-hearted
clerks thought of sending with then
mite Of cash so much sympathy. Ky |
state JOurndL
An old colored man in Halifax, who is
begging money for his coffin, uses the
following plea; II Sc tired Of life, longin'
TO de grave. Sebenty-eight years now
begun dis miserable existunce. As
grew in age fostered fond ambishum
picterin' de road to wealt and fame
Here am to-day, poor and wretched as
when was born, hopes of success blars
ted, bones waitin' YEARLY fo' de day oh
rest. Glib me but few cents to help me
buy coffin to bury my achin' body"
The wife of Philadelphia lawyer
called at the home of widow with |
whom she had reason to believe her
husband was upon terms of undue init |
macy. The Widows innocent little boy |
opened the front door. "Do you know |
Mr. Harris?" the enraged asked, with
her sweetest smile "Yeth, | know |
him. the little chap answered; chats |
Uncle Charley, he's mammals brother"
There's a divorce suit pending upon |
this information.
New York society has decided that |
when gentleman and lady meet on the |
street the one who first sees the Other
should bow, So we learn from $50
ciety' item; hut it doesn't explain
whether the parties shonld be acquainted
or not, though we think they should
etiquette or no etiquette, II they should |
happen to pass without seeing each 9TH
err, we suppose the bowling formula may
be dispensed with without giving offense |
to either party,
Courtship in Georgia; He rushed in
the parlor without ringing the door-bell |
and discovered n lpht fguro sittin0 IN