Smyrna times., 1883-06-06
That Bad Boy.

mat Bad Boy.
"Well, how is the baby" asked the
grocery man of the bad boy, as he came
into the grocery smelling very hor-
scy," and sat down on the chair with
the back gone, and looked very tired.
so, darn the baby. Everybody asks
me about the baby as though it was
mine. l don't pay no attention to the
darn thing, except to notice the fool |
ishness going on around the house. |
Say, | guess that baby will grow up to |
be fire engine. The nurse coupled |
the baby on TO section of rubber hose |
that runs down into a bottle of milk, |
and it began to get up steam, and
pretty soon the milk began to disap-
pear, just like the water does when
fire engine couples ON to a hydrant
Pa calls the baby old Number Two
! | am Number One and if pa had
hook and ladder truck and a hose cart,
and fire gong he would imagine he
was chief engineer of the fire depart
mcnt. But the baby kicks ON this
milk wagon milk, and howlS like dog
that's got lost. The doctor told pa the
best thing he could do was to get
goat, but pa said since we 'nishiated
him into the Masons with the goat he
wouldn't have goat around no how.
The doc told pa the other kind of Il
goat, | think it was Samantha goat
he said, wouldn't kick with its head,
and pa sent me up into the POlack set
: tlcment to see if | couldn't borrow a
milk goat for Il few weeks. ] got a
woman to lend us her goat till the
$, baby got big enough to chew beef, for
! q ., nj 4 LII
to advance, and pa went up in the even
ing to help me get the goat Well it
was the damdcst mistake YOU ever did
see. There was two goats so near
alike you couldn't tell which was the
goat we leased, and the other goat was
the Chum of our goat, but it belonged
to Il Nirish woman. We got bed
d. cord hitched around the Irish goat,
and that goat didn't recognize the lease,
? a and when we tried to jerk it along 1t
rared right up, and made things real
quick for pa. | don't know what there
is about goat that makes it get SO
spunly, but that goat seemed to have
- a grudge against pa from the first II
there were any places on pas manly
form that the goat did not explore
with his head, pa don't know where
the places are. 0, it lammed him, ant
when latled pa got mad. l told hin
every man ought to furnish his owl
Y goats, when he had baby, and le
i. go of the rope and started off, and p;
said he knew how it was, | wanted
. him to get killed. 1t wasn't that, bu
| saw the Irish woman coming aroun(
the corner of the house with 81 cisterl
pole. Just as pa was getting the goa
out of the gate the goat got cross way
of the gate, and pa yanked, and doub
led the goat right up and l thought h
had broke the goats neck, and tn
woman thought so too, for she iabbe
! pa with the cistern pole Just below tn
belt, and she tried to get hold on pa
X hair, but he had her there. No woma
fur. can get the advantage of pa that way
mpt cause ma has tried it. Well, pa e2
PITY planned it to the woman, and she le
red pa off if he would pay her two dollar
b Of damages to her goat, and he paid i
''s' and then we took the nanny goat an
it went right along with us. But
have got my opinion of baby thu
'I will drink goats milk Gosh, tits lik
this stuff that comes in a spoiled coco;
aus, nut. The baby hasn't done anythiu
uar, but blate since the nurse coupled it Q
anne to the goat hydrant. | had to take a
z''iE my playthings out of the basement
-, keep the goat from eating them.
1907 guess the milk will taste of powd,
and snged hair now. The goat got
eating some Roman candles me ar
my chum had laid away in the co
Deal bin, and chewed them at the furnaC
and the powder leaked out and co
APM fell out of the furnace on the heart
'''aa and you'd a dide to see pa and Il
hired girl and the goat. You see
can't milk nothing but n milk WACO
and he got the hired girl to milk Il
goat, and they were just hunting aroul
the basement for the goat, with t
cup, when the fireworks went O
Well, there was balls of green and re
and blue fire, and spilled powder bla
ed up, and the goat just looked asto
M ished, and looked on as though it W
sorry so much good fodder was spoile
but when its hair began to burn, t
goat gave one snort and went betwe
oud pa and the hired girl like it was sf
0llu out of cannon, and it knocked
over a wash boiler into the coal b
and the hired girl in amongst the kir
York ling wood, and she crossed herself q
repeated the catekism, and the &C
jumped up on top of the brick furna
9 an and they conldn't getit down. Ihea
the celebration and went down a
took pa by the pants and pulled Ii
iofse out of the coal bin, and he said
would surrender and plead guilty
4-tf being the biggest fool in Milwauk
- l pulled the kindling wood off
hired girl, and then she got mad, a
said she would milk that goat or {
st 0, that girl has got sand. She used
.FN work in a glass factory Well, sir
" was sight worth two shillings adm
sion, to see that girl get up on a st
ladder to milk that goat on top of
farnace, with pa sitting on barrel
Us potatoes, bossing the job. They
going to fix gang plank to get
goat down off the furnace. Pa has
to grow new lot of hair OH that 9,
ndS or the woman won't take it back.
,ff'' don't want no bald goat. Well, Il
4fs can run the baby and goat to
themselves, cause / have resigned
have gone into business. Don't
n smell anything that would lead to
'S' mise that | had gene into busjnC
No drug store this time and the
got up and put his thumbs in the a
rom holes of his vest, and looked proud.
xed 90, don't know as / smell a
thing, except the faint odor of hC
blanket What are you gone j
anyway" and the grocery man put
- ziiE wrapping paper under the eoun
.TY, and put the red chalk in his pocket
- the boy couldn't write any sign
go to hang up outside.
Post You hit il the first time. / h