The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-09-19
VT AND R0M0R,s

| the wife toher husband dear. Il Wilt
she's a bewitching elfr' was his answer
cool. .-.
An enterprising reporter, writing of a
wreck at sea, stated that. no less than
fourteen of the unfortunate crew and
passengers bit the dust.
The water-cartman sits high aloft
on his jostling perch, glancing now and
anon at the sky for signs OF a rain that
will give him a day of. Baf8 e
When the dog gets after the boy in
q melon-patch and there are no trees
handy he sings: ''Oh, for the garden
wall. z I'll
Two Young ladies who had a quarrel
concluded to kiss and make up, The
kissing process was of short duration,
but it required nearly two hours for
them to make up"
Soyers the great French cook, used tc
chew garlic and breathe on a salad to
give it flavor In America the boarders
chew the salad awhile and then go to
headquarters and blow on the cook
The City Marshal OF Dodge City, Kan
sas, will be a candidate for reelection
and bases his claim upon the fact thai
he has killed a cowboy at distance o.
300 yards
A Georgia Justice of the Peace told a
granger that the code allowed him s.
for marrying a couple. ''Well, " said
the newly made bridegroom, ''here is
81; that will make you three
A young correspondent complains
that there are too many lawyers in the
country" Oh, my boy. there aren't
half too many lawyers. There aren't
half enough clients, that's ALL
Glove contests are not unknown t.
the fair sex. Did you ever see a young
lady putting on tight pair of kids
while the last belli is tolling for church,
Sunday morningP-Rome Sentinel
well, may hope, then, dearest,
that at some time | may have the hap
piness Of making you my wifePn s.Ye IS
hope sou am sure, she replied. u
am getting tired of suing fellows foi
breach of promise.
The quantity of beer produced in the
United States last year averaged more
than fourteen gallons for every inhabi-
tant of the country. Somebody has
played q wretched mean trick on Us
then Darlington Free Press.
TIE cry about cigarettes being IN.
healthy IS all fooIishness. There is nc
strength in the tobacco ofwhich they
are made. All the strength has beer
taken out by the ehewers of the tobacco
before it is made upinto cigarettes.
Il know" said little girl to heI
elder sisters young man at the supper
table, .'that Won will join our society
fol, the protection of the little. birds, be
cause MAMMA says you are very fond o
larks.
The German citizen teaches US thai
the acquisition of fortune is possible
without the incessant striving that shat
tiers both mind and body, aud that rea
sonable rest is quite compatible witt
remunerative industry. Brooklyn Ea
gle.
Is it a girl? 1t is girl. What funny
clothes she wears. Yes, that is the style
Does she belong to a circusp Oh, no
she is only a member of a lawn tenni
club. What queer shoes she has on
They are not shoes. What are they
They are liver pads.
Discarded lover: Yes, l felt terribly
when she fitted me-" Same CATER !:
pause and sighing): land. do yol
know. had hardly begun to pay hel
attentions when l learned through {
book-keeper in bank that she flaC
$500, 900 on deposit in her own right.
The Ocean Steamer TIE wrong man
"Will you be kind enough, sir, to in
form Inc, sir the location of No. 41S?'
Take two turns and half hitch, lie
90 the weather main brace, clow up yer
t'gallant stay sail, port yer telm. and
| ask the man at the wheel. Thanks.
Life.
He was looking for the cashier, and
asked the paying teller if Mr.. Blank
was in. Gone to the Springs was the
reply in the terse manner and c0urte-
Gus tones usual TO bank, hotel and va
rious other kinds of clerks. How much
is it?' asked the visitor. The teller
didn't seem to catch On.-San Francis
| co Post ft -tftHff 44#
The wish 10 please. ''Ohi how DC
you do, my dear Miss Robinson? Sc
glad to see You looking so we'll! By the
way, how lovely YOU looked at my
dance last Wednesday! Everybody was
! asking who you were, | assure YOU.
Il? IL wasn't there! | had q bad
cold and sore throat, you know. -
| Punch.
College students don't please as table
walters. When you call one misera-
BILE jackass for spilling the soup dowr
your back and giving you salt-cellal
filled with sugar, he of course can
answer back, as it is against the rules
of the hotel, but he can say something
TO another waiter in Greek which you
| can't understand, but which you fee
sure is horrible abuse of yourself, and
it's awful 'maddening.
The proverbial wit of our citizens o
| African descent and their skill in taking
a collection were shown again last Sun
day at camp-meeting near this city,
| says tnS CWt SLtub <dkUOcAtCs n ol5boi
in exhorting the friends to make lib
eral contribution said: There's beer
a heap of trouble about trade dollars
You that has had EN- refused elsewhere
need have no fears here. brow then
in the basket. They won't be refusedn
Now lay me down to sleep, pray
the Lord my soul to keep" sleepily re
peated a little Dracut girl aftel
her mother one night not long ago
Then she stopped eff" hel
mother suggested. The little one hest
tated moment, half opened her heavy
eyelids, and then continued, pausins
long between the words: If had 4
--cow---thatgave such milk-
I'd dress n-the-tines
silk Amen"
A gentleman was walking along the
sidewalk and two young men in thu
street were playing ball. One threw
the ball wide and it hit the gentleman
with terrific force back of the ear, max
ing him think he was slain. heyouns
man who threw the ball came up t.