The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1883-11-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

If you want to experiment on the ad-
hesiveness of affection, endeavor to di-
vorce a lazy boy from a warm bed on a
cold winter morning -Breckearidge Nesos
Professor Cooking at his watch): GAS
we have few minutes, shall be glad to
answer any question that any one may
wish to ask" Student" What time is
it, please9"
During a recent storm off the North
Carolina coast the wind blew eighty-one
miles an hour. This nearly beats the
best time made by auctioneers and stump
speakers. .-Detyoit Journal
Neighbor-" Your family looks con-
tented and happy" Mother" Yes; the
boys are happy because they are through
with their whipping, and the girls are
happy because they didn't get any
THE Judge.
Little Freddie date to breakfast):
"Papa, what is the difference between
me and those baked potatoes 7" Give
it up, Freddie" "Why the potatoes
early rose, and 1 didn't. ."@BurlingtoB
Free Press.
A Brooklyn woman has been arrested,
charged with stealing an accordion. A
woman wicked enough to steal an accor-
dion would do worse She would even
play on the diabolical instrument. Nor
ristO'cn Herald.
A lady in Toronto got to laughing
over some amusing incident and couldn't
stop. Finally a doctor was called in,
and he couldn't quiet her. AS a last
resort some one had to tell her that her
back hair was coming down.-LOaoeU
Citizen.
A preacher in Tennessee is known as
the " satisfying preacher Whenever a
church began to get little tired Of their
pastor, this man was sent for, and after
hearing a sermon or two from h1m they
were " satisfed"-to keep the pastor
they had.
In Scandinavia mothers take their in
! fants to church, closely swaddled and
wrapped in furs and bury them in the
snowdrifts at the door, leaving little
holes for them to breathe through, when,
! from time to time, issues a superior article
of ice scream.-Rochester Express.
The most humane woman this country
has ever produced has just been discov-
cred In the early part of the season she
gave away her switch to be tied to the
abbreviated appendage of bobtail horse,
heroically parting with it rather than see
the poor animal pestered by flies. s.-Phila-
delphia NeooS
"Well,n - said Amy, after patiently try
ing for an hour to drown a worm in
Horse creek, without being rewarded
by even nibble: WELL fishing isn't
what's cracked up to be-" More
slang!" exclaimed the high school girl;
"you should say: Fishing is not pull
verified according to the original inten-
ton. "-DTYick.
An attempt having been made to take
a census of the females of Kurdistan,
they rebelled, and 500 of them, assem-
bling, attacked the soldiers who were
sent to aid the enumerators, and put
them to fight. The census had to be
suspended until the reinforcements could
arrive. The census man should not have
asked these ladies their ages without
protection.
Adele is "A splendid cook, but it is evil
dent that she cannot content everybody
and his father. The other evening
madame went into the kitchen and found
the gas stove lighted. "Why, Adele,
do you light your stove at this hour"
But l have not put it out since morn
ing" "Why, girl, are you crazy 2"
No, but madame is always complaining
that use too many matches. '--Farts
Pdper.