News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-02-15
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
wHATwE FIND IN THEM THIS WEEK.
The RObber and the EditOr-Advice TO YOunH
Men-He COntinued-A Batch
of Little Jokes.
THE RoBBER AND THE EDITOR.

THE ROBBER AND THE EDITOR.
Listen, my children, - saidavenerable
man, land will tell you a story, beau
tifuI and true. Once upon time there
was a bad, bold robber, who had his
haunt in the wilds of a mountain. AT
the foot of the mountain, in the valley,
was a village. 1t was not very large
village, yet init newspaper was printed.
The robber looked upon the editor OF the
newspaper rs being the chief man OF the
village, and thought he must be very
rich. SO one dark night he came down
from his den in the mountain and stole
into the dwelling Of the editor and then
into the room where he slept. The editor,
being a good man. slept as soundly and
sweetIy rs a child The robber searched
all the place. but could not find the
caskets of gold and diamonds he had
supposed to be stored up in the room.
He then put his hands in all the pockets
of the clothes Of the editor, but found
no money in any Of them.
The r0bber then stood for time as
in a stupor. He was like one awakened
from a dream. He listened for some mo-
ments to the deep, regular breathing of
the sleeping editor, and as he stood so,
he began to feel sad. The heart of the
bold, bad man was touched, Quietly he
took from his purse $4.75, placed the
money in the pantaloons pocket of the
editor. and softly stole from the house.
In the morning, when the editor got up
and put on his pantaloOrs, there was q
Jingle as of money. A look of astonish-
ment came into the face of the editor.
He put his hand into his pocket and
drew out the money. When he saw
this great wealth, the knees of the editor
smote together; he turned pale, tainted,
and fell to the floor, and there lay as one
who is dead"
ooh oh grandfather, did they catch
the bad robber man and hang him on a
tree ?"
mo. my dears, they did not catch the
bad. bold robber. He is still living.
From that day he reformed, and got a
place as cashier in big bank, where you
will be glad to hear that he is doing well
and is greatly respected by all his
church"
"And the poor editor man, grand
father What became of him.
''Ah, yes, my darlings! I had almost
forgotten him. Well, when he came out
of his faint, and his eyes again saw all
the money lying about the room where
it had fallen. he was sorely perpleXed.
At last he felt sure it had been quietly
placed in his pocket at night by great
and rich neighbor, who owned lanyard,
and was running for the Legislature.
50 for days and days he printed in his
paper whole columns of praise OF the rich
who was elected to the office,
and ever after the two men were the
greatest friends. Thus, my dears, do
good actions always meet with their re-
ward. Virginia city Enterprise.
ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN.
Il have had a great deal Of advice, "
saws Burdette of the HalrEcye, given
me by older people than myself. In
many instances [ know [ would have
been much wiser had [ followed that adj
vice. When a boy, ! was told to keep
away from the canvas of the circus tent,
but didn't. I am wiser now. Although
a circus mans arm is not as swift as
lightning, yet it is much more likely to
strike twice in the same place. Young
men, YOU must be somebody to begin
with. I don't mean by this Chat you
must be born of some big family, for
ancestry don't count for much in this
country. If you have got the idea into
your head that it does, you ought to be
stuffed and set up i'll front OF a cigar
store. When the world wants you, my
son, it will find you. 1t won't ask who
your grandfather was, for it don't care.
People soon forget the names of the an
cestors of distinguished people in this
country. I don't believe there is man
who can tell me the name of Brigham
Young's mOther-in-law.
'Make up your mind to do a great
deal of hard work. 1t won't kill you.
It's the intervals between work that kill
people. It's after one of these inter
walls that you wake up and find your hat
four sizes too small and your coat several
sizes too big. It's the recreation that
kills. Oh, but it's only once in while,
you say-a very small matter Well, al
though a bUlmble-bee is not as large as q
dray-horse, you mustn't handle him care
lessly. Then try to get acquainted with
yourself A good many men die without
having scraped an acquaintance with
themselves. If you are going to be hon
est from policy, don't be honest at all.
The kind of honesty that can be bought
and sold isn't worth much. Don't be
ieve that cheek is better than modesty
or merit, because it isn't. If you never
do anything else III the world, marry.
Don't be afraid your wife won't look af-
ter you. You'll find she viii be able tC
do that to perfection"
A DISCOURTEOUs LEGISLATOR.
An Austin merchant says that Col
Harris Cheever, a member of the Legis-
lature, is the champion impolite man OF
Texas.
"What did he do that was so i'm
polite ?" we asked
81 met him on the Avenue" replied
the merchant, "and he did not lift his
hat to me, and it is the same hat [ sold
him on credit during the last session of
the Legislature. "-Teras ,SIftings.
LITTLE PURE CHEEK.
els the lady of the house in ?" asked a
tramp of the servant who rang the door
bell of one of the stateliest mansions in
Austin
ode lady oh de house don't come to
de door to talk wild de like oh you"
"Then, said the tramp, elevating the
remnant of hat, with grace Chester
field might have envied, tell the lady
of the house a gentleman wishes to speak
with her III the parlor. -SitIingS.
A WARM ADVANCE.
An Austin clerk is in the habit of draw
ing his salary for several months III adj
vance. A few mornings ago, he came
down to the store half an hour later than
usual.
What makes you so late ?" asked the
proprietor
ut was SO cold, didn't like to get
up"
q don't see how you come to find it
cold" growled the boss. "You drew
yOUr salary for next Juno Yesterday -