The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1883-05-23
PEoK's BAD BOY
Tries Hard to Obey Orders as
Driver at q Funeral,
But the Minister Seizes the Rib
bons aud Wakes Up tie Old
Horse-Resultant Collision,
Demolition end Moral
Reflections.
Peck's Sun.

Reflections.
Peck's Sun.
"Well, great Julius Casar's bald
headed ghost, what's the matter
with you" said the groceryman to
the bad boy as he came into the
grocery on crutches, with an arm in
a sling, one eye blackened, and a
strip Of court plaster across n side
of his face. Where was the exple-
sion, or have you been in a fight? Or
has your pa been giving you what
you deserve, with a club? Here let
me help you. There, sit down on
that keg of a%pplejack. Well, by the
great guns, you look as though you
had called somebody a liar. What's
the natter" and the grocery man
took the clutches and stood them up
against the show case.
20, there's not much the matter
with me-" said the boy, in a voice
that sounded all broke up, as he took
a big apple off a basket, and began
peeling it with his upper front teeth.
II you think [ am a wreck you
ought to see the minister. They had
to carry him home in installments,
the wav they buy sewing machines.
[ am all right, but they have got to
| stop him up with oakum and tar be-
fore he will ever hold water again."
. "Good gracious, you have not had
| a fight with the minister, have you?
Well, I have said all the time, and [
| stick to it, that you would commit Il
| crime yet, and go to state prison
What was the fuss about?" and the
| grocery man laid the Ratchet out of
the boys reach for fear he would get
| excited and kill himself.
20, it want no fuss. It was in the
way of business. You see the livery
man that I was working for pro-
noted me. He let me drive a horse
to haul sawdust for a bedding, first,
and when he found I was real are
| full he let me drive an express wagon
! to haul trunks. Day before yester-
day, I think it was-(Yes, I was in
bed all day yesterday)-day before
yesterday there was q funeral, and
our stable furnished the outfit. 1t
was only a common eleven dollar
funeral, so they let me go to drive
the horse for the minister-you
know, the buggy that goes ahead of
the hearse. They gave me IN old
horse that is thirty years old, that
has not been off a walk since nine
years ago, and they told me to give
him a loose rein, and he would go all
right. It's the same old horse that
used to pace so fast on the avenue,
years ago, but / didn't know it.
Well, I want to blame, I just let
him walk along as though he was
hauling sawGust, and gave him a
loose rein. When we got off of the
pavement the fellow that drives the
hearse, he was in a hurry, cause his
folks were going 10 ave duck for
dinner, and he wanted to get back,
so he kept driving along side of my
buggy and telling me to hurry up. /
wouldn't do it. cause the livery man
told me to walk the horse. Then the
minister, he got nervous, ard said he
didn't know as there Was any Use of
going so slow, because he wanted to
get back in time to get his lunch and
go to the minister's meeting in the
afternoon, but 1 told him we would
oil SCL W tAC CClICtCly SOOA CIlCuSl
if we took it cool, and as for me |
wasn't in no sweat. Then one of the
drivers that vas driving the mourn
ers he came up and said he had to
get back in time to run q wedding
down to the one o'clock train, and
for me to pull out a little. 1 have
seen enough of disobeyiug orders,
and [ told him a funeral in the hand
was worth two weddings in the bush,
and as far as [ vas concerned, the
funeral was going to be conducted in
a decorous manner, if we didn't get
back till the next day. Well, the
minister said, in his regular Sunday
school way, My little man, let me
take hold of the lines,' and like a
darn fool [ gave them to him. He
slapped the old horse on the crupper
with the lines, and then jerked up,
and the old boss stuck up bis off ear,
and then the hearse driver told the
minister to pull hard and saw on the
bit a little, and the old horse would
wake no. The hearse driver used to
drive the old PAGER on the track, and
he knew what he wanted. The min
lister took off his black kid gloves and
put his umbrella down between us,
aud pulled his hat down tight on his
head, and began to pull and saw a the
bit. The old cripple began to move
along sort of sideways, like a hog 60
ing to war, and the minister pulled
some more, and the hearse-driver
who was right behind, he said, so
you could hear him clear to Wauke-
sha, 'Ye-e-up,, and the old horse
kept going faster. then the minister
thought the procession was getting
too quick, and he pulled harder and
yelled whoa and that made the old
horse worse, and I looked through
the little window in the buggy top,
behind and the hearse was two blocks
behind, and the driver he was laugh
ing, and the minister he got pale and
said, my little man, / guess YOU had
better drive and | said, Not much,
this funeral the way [ wanted to, and
now you can boss it if you will let
me get OUT but there Was a street-car
ahead, and all of a sudden there was
an earthquake, and when l came to
there were about six hundred people
pouring water down my neck, and
the hearse was hitched to the fence
and the hearse-driver was asking if
my leg was broke, and a policeman
was tanning the minister with a plug
hat that looked as though it had been
struck by a pile-driyer, and some
people were hauling our buggy into
the gutter, and some men were try
ing to take the old PAGER out of the
windows of the street car, and then l
guess I tainted away again. o, it
was worse than ~telescoping a train
loaded with cattle,O