Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1883-06-07
PLEASANTRIES.


nut.eating contests. This is the only
way she can take the cake.
A FIvE.ToN lard roller passed over an
Indiana man withoutserionsr He'd
been married thirtysix years.
WHEN you squeeze girl rather tight
she will be com, pressed-hlle other
bales of cotton. .-EUr1y Saturday.
The Chicago Herald is of the opinion
that Jay Gould will, IN all probability.
sail his new yacht in fome of his watered
stock.
THE telegraph companies do not OBJ
ject TO pay a "pole tax, as it enables
Them to DO their "wire pulling TO ad.
vantage.
HENS may be little backward on
eggs, but they never fail to come to the
scratch where huwerbeds are concerned.
N. o. Pic.
"I WISH" said gentleman at Joseph
Cooks lecture, "that 1 had time to stay
through another word, but l must 60"
Boston Post.
The new postal telegraph can send
1000 words a minute. 1t is the only
system yet devised which can outtalll a
IT is too carly to say what style para.
sol viii be fashionable; but, rs usual,
they will be worn Just high enough 10
rake out u mans eye.
OSCAR WILDE loves appIejack because
its odor is indescribable aud its effect
too utterly bewl!dcring TO utter, so to
speak, in u measure us itwere, you know
-En.
a CHICAGO nan has composed piece
called "Full of Joy Gallop." The pic
ture on the cover leprcscntsa Il man dane.
ing with apothermau's wiic.-Nc1D York
IVorld.
FIVE y,ucg ladies of Denver, Col,
ride the bicycle ''man fashion," clad in
black velvet ee-breeclles, W. olen high
stockings, polo cap, and sack coat,
with low. cIt bicycle shoes.
IT is stated that the marriage of Mr.
Hcrudon Morsell to Miss Lizzie Burton
will take place at the close Of the ope2atic
season. They are both members of the
Boston Ideal Opera Company.
A PHILADELPHIA dudc is reported 10
have died OF congestion of the brain,
caused by excessive exeriion. His
mother was sick one morning, and he
had to button his shoes himself.
WATSON, the dcfaultine paymastcr,
did not drink or gamble, nor horse-rAce,
and the only excuse his friends can urge
is that he must have lost the money by
investing III some evening newspaper.
FLORIDA teacher in n colored SIM
day school asked her class why man
was forbidden to have two wives mt the
same time. A little ccru youth replied:
Case man can't serve two masters
1r has been said that on founding Il
colony, the first thing Spaniard does is
to build Il gallows, Il Portuguese to build
Il church, IN EuglIshman drir king
booth, and Frenchman IL carciug
floor.
DENvEK Tribune: Americans are for
b,dden to cross the Rio Grande after he
Apaches. Purely as Il matter Cf equity,
new order should be issued fOlhicding
Apaches to cross the Rio Grnnle after
Americans.
The following advertisement appears
in RlSerpa New South Walcs) Jour
nal: Nanted-A cultured pcnilemun
capable oil miIhiug goats; university
msn preferred. Applications with testi-
moniuIsus 10 p,ofcicncy to be addrcssed,'
etc.
A sopA-wATEE fou1tuin exploded in
Syracuse and severely injured several
persons. The impccunious young man
should cut oun this ltem and show it to
his best girl when Sue expresses n wish
TO sip the tiZz which foams but not in
toxica,es.
BY dear fellow" remarks The Judge
to the plaintiff, who had lost his action
before him that Afternoons; "you had IL
mighty good case, but what made YOU
employ such an ass of Il lawyer ?" "'Be-
cause 1 had been told he had the ear of
the COURT"
JUDGE BARSUM says he asked news
boy once II he knew the way to the
Sherman House. Tho urchin stopped
and looked Mt him III worder, and then
answered: "Jcwhihliins don't wish 1
he'd as menuy dollars rs | know the way
to the Sherman. II hicugo Noes.
THERE are forty-two different shades
IN KID gloves this spring. This number
might be Increased by initiating the
shade of disappointment that passes
over lady's face wien She secs some
other woman with Il pfettier par than
AiSi c"b. LIoftotfttt &idtCJGfStT.
A LOUISVILLE court has decided that
II oman strikes II man, be must run
away. Like many ether decisions, this
one does not cover tie case Mt all, A
mans mother-iE-aw, If she once gets a
complete grip on his ha1r, is retty GER
tain to keep him from " ruunins away"
Courier Journal.
A NEW YORK yacht club refused to re-
celve Jay Gould as member, aud Jay,
to get even, is going to buy up all the
bays and rivers around New York and
move them to Texas. He is bound that
the fellows who blacaballed him shall
not have any water TO boat npon.-.P .Pbik-
daeilohia Chronicle.
iTwas after they hal I,cenchased twenty
miles oycra rough, swampy country that
confederate officer observed one of his
men leaning against tree and looking
dlsconsolate. he rode up to the man
and said, "My boy, what's the matter p"
Matter!' replied the trooper; "Cap'n,
I'm satisfied this war is II damn big mis-.
take. "-Bos. Post.
The youths of nine and ten wears. liv.
ing at the Highlands, who complained
bitterly Of the temperature of the
water in which they were compelled to
wash their acesyes'erday morning, were
dellghted in the afternoon to find that
the ice in the pend back of their house
was melted sufficiently to permit of their
gong IN swimming.-Bos. Post.
AN item going the rounds of the press
is headed, Hail Stones as Big as
Pumpkins" We can readily credit that
though we don't believe any other coun /.
try ON the face of the earth can raise
them half as large. BY steady and
persistent cultivation of the lying facrl.
ties, we should have ha,i-stones, within
a few years, as large as hogsheads. y
Norr. Her.
"A IEXAs paper tells this cheerful tale
OF the experimental school of medicine.
woman came TO a prominent physi-
clan and asked for a remedy for her hus.