The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-06-13

not to expect a tree to look large when
her husband is around

Z
said one of our .'clodink' merchants to
a customer the other day and then in
an aside to his head clerk he added, with
wink, s,and dot vas tie blice he is vii
ling to gif.
A man sitting in the back room of
saloon playing euchre breathes about
eighteen times per minute. A female
voice suddenly falls upon his ear, and
his respiration Jumps to forty-nine
quicker'n scat.
1T does. beat all what Fascality there
is in this World exclaimed farmer
John, angrily 1.-The last ton of soap
stone that 1 bought is SO much adulter-
ated that it is not fit to adulterate my
butter with. "
One of the most sanguinary pans of
the season was perpetrated by the Bos-
ton BaVetiaa, as follows: "A b1ooded
horse is, OF course, good gore. y After
such an effort as this, life appears much
brighter.
Il notice one thing about this hotel, "
said one drummer to another as the pair
We're seated at dinner; '.the people here
understand the art of bread-making -
$50 they do, was the response, but
they can't help it, You see; it's inn
bread .4r4A
A Lowell, Mass, man,advertises re-
! duction of twenty-five cents. a thousand
on contracts OF laying 5000 shingles. =
We had no idea the boys were 50 bad in
Massachusetts, and wenow begin to see
where Ben Batter got his start. Gin,
Drummer.
Feel pad to thilk lput that faro clip
| in the contribution box by mistaken
said the Louisville man. II reckon
do. That was 81 chip, and they'll
go and get it cashcd and get IS out OF
me, when only intended TO give them
i so cents.
/ Jay Gould has had a sulphurous bath
put into his house Snakes and theioth-
er Injuries. SO graphically delineated by
Dante, Will, doubtless, be added as the
process of naturalization advances. 49,
! There is nothing after all like clear
conscience and ii healthy liver.
A woman is never content to say,
He pulled my hair She particular
ICES thus: He pulled me by the hair of
my head. This is necessary in order
to distinguish Between the hair of her
head and the head of hair which she
purchased at the store. t...
| A visitor in the country seeing very
old woman doing at her cottage door
asks little boy of or Z, who happens
to be playing near by. SIow old she is,
Il can't say, sit, replies the child,
politely; ''butshe must be very old, I
She has been here ever since can re.
member > FH.'ar e.
A,newly arrived bride from the goose
countries, says the San Francisco Post
got fcarfully mad because when she sent
for a little ginger at the Palace the 9th,
er day tile clerk asked her if she wa,
Esuflering from cholera infantum. ''AnJ
we just malTied, too the cheeky
thing.
that Irishman had a correct apprecia
ten of the fitnsiS; of tlfngs who, being
asked by the jui,se when Ire applied fol
a license 10, sell WHISKY, If ire was o
good moral characters replied, Faith
liver Honor, | don't see the necessity 81
good moral character To sell whi5
Ky"
A lady never feelysmore like going
home and raising row in the family
than when she adinstS her garments II
: she is about to .paSs Il clothing Stbr,
where she sees fifteen or twenty mel
standing around the window, and find
out after She has passed them that the,
were dummies"
} An Arkansas boy, writing from col
+ lege in reply to his fathers letter, said
so you think. am wasting my time ii
: writing little stories for the local paper
and cite Johnson's saying that the mai
| who writes except for money is fool
/ l shall act upon DIR Johnson's sugges
ton and write for money. Send IN
$50"
5 A little 6-year-old boy went into tn
t country on visit About the frs
: thing he had was bowl of bread an,
. milk. He tasted it, and then hesitate,
e moment, when his mother asked hin
if he didn't like it, 10 which he replied
[ smacking his lips, .'Yes, mamma; Iva
| only wishing our milkman would keep
: COW. ~ ]
Where are You going, my prett
maidcnS?" lie demanded OF two prett
I girls, who were hutrying at railroa
e speed down Chestnut street. oh. d
I not letain us one OF them answered
r I'VE are hurrying to the postotlice to &C
o a letter. If YOU 60 at that rate" h
, called after them, you'll secure tn
z whole alpimbet!
An exchange contends that the veal
7 / ing of hats is what makes the peopl
!, ba1dheaded We don't believe it. l.;
u dies don't wear hats-that is, they don
u wear them on their heads, by about 81
y inches or more-and vet women bu
u more hair in one year than men do in
\ quarter of century. -N0rristOWn He
} aid. a
Referring TO paragraph last wee
saying that the word love in Indian lal
guage is observation-disclosures
IL a correspondent sends us the INTEL
N gence that in Norwegian the word loy
is kjaerlighedans. Fancy the feeling
u of an active Norwegian who hears tt
~ old man coming just as he has struc
: the second syllable.
In forecasting weather Mr. Roll
Russell points out that next to frequeI
readings of the barometer and the
:, mometer locally, and a knowledge
- the distribution of atmospheric pressul
Jver as wide an area as may be, obser
y alton of the character of clouds, esp
IS cially OF the cirrus variety, is of Il
= greatest utility. Observation of cirrl
can plainly be made use of in syste
ks of telegraphic Weather forecasts