Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1883-05-09

Ike Boston commercial Bulletin Is
afraid the new trade journal, the Corset,
will be taken for waste paper.
The reason why fisherman carries
fat bottle With him is that he may wait
for bite with baited breath.
GERMAN wit that is carelessly trans
tated and poorly paraphrased is about
as stale as an imported bologna that has
been shipwrecked.-N. Y. Com.
A WITNESS in New York court testi.
fed that he could drink key of lager
and attend to business. He was a
policeman, we believe.-PhiI. Neavs.
LAST week the captain of bay
schooner. while asleep on the rail of his
vessel, fell overheard. He was off his
guard, and was drowned.-B0't insorc
Sun.
"WnAT is sc rare as day in June?"
Well, now and then day in April is de-
cidedly UNDERGONE, and some of the
March days are really law. Life.
THE largest baton house 10 New
York has suspended" Now, if the ]arg-
est suspepder house had buttoned, it
would not have been so bad.-N0rris-
tOlU,1 Herald.
CARE you Owen Brown?' asked a
Harlem man of gentleman he met yes
terday. Eyes. I am OWN Brown, but
what business is it of yours if I am ~
Harltm Times.
''YoU needn't be so crusty," said Tod
kins to his better half. 'Bctter be s.
little clusty than not half baked" was
the reply Of his amiable spouse. los.
ton Transcript.
IT is reported by some who have "been
there that persons going fishing in
the remote parts of Florida s'always
leave Sunday at Jacksonville pre-
vent breaking it.
ISIS 1T crime to be woman ?" asks
Mrs. Blake. Not, We think, If she sin
cerely repents, asks to be forgiven, and
promises not to be SO again. -New York
Graphic.
In lecture the other evening Bob
Bu1dette said: "Spea2lng OF the tele.
phone, 100 years ago it would have been
thought an invention of the devi!-anl l
sometimes think it is now"
Away does one see the COUNCILLOR
wife so seldom? B.-She has TO watch
her husband. A.-Watch her hus' and |!
Is he sick? B.-No; if he was there
would be no need to watch him.
A YOUNG man married against the
visit co of his parents, and in telling a
friend how to break the news to them.
said: 'Tell them first that I am dead,
and gently work up TO the Climax
RECENT excavations ct Pompeii have
uncovered the remains Of man with
both hands resting on bis stomach. This
would indicate that the early cucumber
was not unknown to the asclents.
A New YORKER has been fined $500
for giving tobacco 10 a giraffe il Cen
trail Park. That's right; give tobacco to
boys Us much as you like, but don't ny
to poison our giraffes. sou CITY Der
rick.
els anybody W. ling on you?" said a
petite dry goods clerk to young lady
from the country. eyes, sir" replied
the blushing damse], "that's my fellow
OUTSIDE; he wouldn't come in the
stc1e."
JAY GOULD ";hiuks he has luis share
of LIES pleasant things" He doesn't
say anything about the shares OF
pleasant things in his possession which
belong to other folks. -.Boston 7Tan-
script.
t'WoRru her weight in gold" is not
the most complimentary thing that can
be said about q woman, as she would
have to weigh 800 pounds to bring her
valus up to Sl00, 000-- Pitts6urg Dis.
p0tch
"MAN," said Victor Hugo. "was the
conundrum of the eighteenth century
woman is the conundrum of the uine-
teenth century," An editor adds: eve
can't guess her, but will never give her
uI--no, never''
The French authorities have captured
Louise Michel. After seeing her picture
in New York illustrated paper, re-
marks the Baltimore American, we trust
that We may be allowed to hope that
they will keep her.
An American outfit for base ball club
has been sent to Robert College, Con
stantinople. 1t is expected that this
Will open market in the Orient for
American court-plaster, arnica and
splints. city Derrick.
The use of garlic conduces to halluci-
nation Of the brain on the part of the in
dulger that he is possessed of valuable
secrets which it is bis conscientious duty
to impart to others, by putting his mouth
close to the ears of his victim.
WY certainly, Ezra, certainly. Any
q nr0oknoS1 SH0
that. They are called lend men" be-
cause they are the last persons the wan
dering joke reaches in its earthly pill
grimage- Burlington Hasvkeye.
A FARMERS journal recommends
IS blanketing the bees in winter" A
man should be careful which end of the
bee lie grasps when he goes to put a
blanket on it, or he may "blank it I"
consi lerab:y more than he bargained
for.-Me Judge.
"THEY say Charles has married. Do
you know his wife? Is she woman of
any intelligence Is she well-informed?"
tWell-informed! Well, I should say
20. She has belonged to the village
sewing circle for ten years, and never
missed a meeting"
LOUISVILLE Courier. Journal: The
is maize that the foe of $50
on q lady lawyer by Wiscon-
IN Judge because she threw tumbler
Of water into bis face was too much.
It should be remembered, however, that
Wisconsin judges may not be accustomed
10 water.
A BOSTON man who had his nose
mashed over his face during personal
in q Chicago bar-room,
vas told by the doctor that it was sim
pie case of molecular disintegration.
i Thank you," he said; II feel better
that soundss 20 much like home. j"
Eagle.
"OH, it is all right said the druggitt
If the plumber at work for him. '1've
found little job for him to do down
cellar after he fixes the waterpiFe, and
he'll catch such cold down there he'll
have to buy some medicine, and I reckon
he work he does for me won't cost me
much. "-B0st0e Post.