Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-29
PLEASANTRIES,

AFTER concentrating the whole force
OF Its gigantic intellect upon the subject,
the Chicago Inter Ocean digs up the fact
that the potato is the most susceptible
of vegetables because it is so easily
mashed
ACANADIAN contemporary asks: Does
Goodwin Smith now stop right there,
please. Gold wins q great many per-
| sons, but when you tackle the Smiths
you've got large family to purchase
Boston Star.
MEN grumble because cabbage is used
as substitute for tobacco in cigars, but
they would probably grumble more if
| the best Havana tobacco should be served
with their-corn beef as a substitute for
cabbage.
A YOUNG man urged, as one of the
reasons why girl should marry him,
| that he had collection of over 400 diff
ferent kinds Of wood. She said if it was
klndling wood shed think Of it.-BeGy-
li9agt01a HaaOkeye.
q CONTEMPORARY says: 6 In selecting
3 wife, choose one that will not fade"
| What would he have man do? Ask
| girl before he marries her If she paints
-Bo8t011 Budget. No. Ask her if she
will wash.-C52. Com.
The woods were full of woodcock
gunners on Wednesday. One veteran
| sportsman shot ve.-NeUbhrypoTt
Herald. Five woodcock gunners bagged
III one day must be good thing for the
birds. Courier.
THE whole police force of Denver is
| placed at the command of ex-senator
Tabor, because he thinks his life is In
danger. Poor Taborl Perhaps some
| body Is trying to steal the pattern of
his ruffled night-robe.- Y. Com.
A DUDE passed down Merrimack
Street the other afternoon, and small
boy who saw him at once called out to a
dyer see that? Where's the hand
organ he belongs to ?''-L0a0eU citizen.
A PENNSYLVANIA clergyman is pitch
er in base ball nine. His congregation
has forbidden him to play in match
games, and the captain of the nine
thinks of getting even by forbidding him
to preach only for fun.-Hartford Post
SPA, is English a dead language -
"Why, no, my son; English is the
most living Of all languages. "Well,
pa, I'm mighty glad to know that; I've
heard SO often about English having
been murdered. "-Lingat58tjc Levity.
CHOW old is the dog?" was asked of
a colored man. eff ne lives to see
| the 9Th Oh next June, sab, he will be de
Oldest dog on de plantation "And If
he don't live until then" "HeTl be
| dead, sab. "-ArE. Tray.
AT the funeral-First friend: eyes,
DR.. Jalap told him he must take
rest, but Charley kept right on"
Second friend: ''Ah, but DR.. Jalap is
way. He always does"
BRONSON A1coTT suffers from sort
of aphasia, such as Emerson had in the
last years of his life, and cannot find the
words he wishes to use. Aphasia, by
the way, doesn't trouble man when he
jams his thumb in a door.-BoSto1a
| Post.
| SPEAKING of the house of lady who
! does not intend to spoil her children by
| sparing the rod, somebody remarked
how neat and clean everything was.
eyes" said Mr. Fogg, Everything is
/ like whacks. work. "-BOSt0n Tran
script.
A FEW miles above Athens, Ga.,
| lives man who eats III one county,
| sleeps in another, smokes, when sitting
on bis piazza, in a third, and has built
his barn in fourth. He certainly has
corner in counties. York Id
| Uertj8er.
A YOUNG miss of Is asks what is the
proper thing for her to do when she is
serenaded by party of gentlemen at a
late hour. We are glad to be able to
answer the question. Steal softly down
stairs and unite the dog. -Roche8ter
Post Express.
"YoU must battle regularly" said a
Springfield physician gravely as he
looked at the patients tongue and felt
his pulse. g But, doctor, I do" said
the sick man: ST go in swimming regu-
larry every Fourth of July. Spring
field co.. Nea0S.
HAVE you got any four-o' clocks in
your flower garden ?" asked one Somer-
| vile gentleman of another. "Four-
o'clocks ?" was the reply; "no, sir,
there is no four clocks about mine; it
is all day with my flowers; the hens
have been at 'em. "-SomervilLe Jour-
| nal
The craze on electrical study is begin
ming to bear fruit. ''Are you the con-
ductor?" asked lad on an excursion
train. ''I am, replied the courteous
official, land my name is Wood.
sob, that can't be, said the boy, for
wood is anon-conductor. "-BOsto12 BatI-
Ietj32,
EFFECTS of the strike: "Thunder
and lightning What's this? Brown
g. Co. telegraph for 100 dozen elephants.
Must be going into the show business"
That's all right" said his partner;
s'they want 100 dozen elegantes, that
new brand, you know, Hartford
Post.
WHEN Shootwen died, the boys
dubbed together to buy him tomb
stone. They couldn't agree upon the
inscription. Fogg suggested this:
s. His oIln never missed fire Tlat NJ