The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1883-07-31
A Mulhattan Yarn.
HARDWARE GoosE-RANcH, TExAs,(
April 18th, 1883.

April 10th, 1888.
EDITOR THE DRUMMER:
Charlie Orrick travels for the Sim.
mons Hardware Company through
Texas, and about eighteen months
ago he thought he saw big spccula-
ton in starting goose ranch down
here. He therefore communicated
with one of his employers, Mr.. L. G.
Simmons, of that great hardware
company, in regard to the matter,and
the result was they came down to
Texas together Bnd established an ex-
perimental ranch on the banks of the
beautiful De Leon River.
They started the ranch with 3d.
900 geese, for which they traded
hardware all through Missouri,
which, of course was great saving
over paying out actual cash. -Four
Mexican families were established
upon the ranch to look after the
stock, and the proprietors went on
their way rejoicing that they had
struck it big in an industry that no
one else had ever thought of-and
they had-for, at the end of six
months, they found that their geese
had yielded 10000 pounds of feathers,
which they sold in Dallas for 40 cents
per pound, thus realizing the neat
little sum of $4,000. Mulberry Sell
ers and his mule and eye water was
nowhere alongside such thing
with millions in it-as this, and the
proud rancheros went back to Saint
Louis highly excited and highly ella
ted at the unlooked-for unprecedent-
ed success Of this new venture. They
determined to organize company
with a cash paid up capital of l,000,-
600 and establish the greatest goose
ranch on earth, and control the feath-
er interest of this country at least, if
not of the entire world. 1t was TO be
a huge, soulless, grinding monopoly
not caring a continental for any
body's interests but its own. 1t was
to be known as
"TnE HARDWARE MEMS CONSOLIDATED
GOOSE RANCH co..
None but hardware men were to
become stockholders, or to be identi-
fed with the undertaking in any
way. Just like the Presbyterian
Mining Company, etc, you know.
Confidential circulars were sent out
to all the leading hardware men in
the country, and they at once tum-
blcd to the racket. John Cantwell,
Esq, of the Shapleigh Hardware Co.,
was the first to come in. Then Da-
vid Carruth, all of the st. Louis !;
Louisville was represented by Dick
Donigan, of the Todd, Donigan Iron
Co.; Herman JUST, formerly with
W. B. Belknap & Co.; Luther Baker
of the Rankins Snyder Hardware
Co. Cincinnati was represented by
Mr.. L. Pappcnheimer and Walter
Ludlow. Pittsburg was represented
by Billy Beck, W. X. MCDOWELL, esq,
AL. MCDOWELL, John Anderson, My
Joe-John, and Phillip Menges. Phil
adelphia was represented by Harry,
Terry, and John G. Brenner's sons,
and New York by Smith Cohen "
Co., Sergeant & Co., and several
other firms who do not want their
names mentioned.
1t was a powerful syndicate of
hardshell hardware men, and they
proposed to the State Of Texas to
erect at an enormous expense a
beautiful home for eyeless, toothless,
long-nosed, cross old maids, who had
lost all hope ofever securing a hus-
band, also similar institution for
scolding motherin-laws. all of this
for land grant of 10000 acres on the
banks of the beautiful De Leon. The
grateful people of Texas jumped at
such magnanimous, generous, un-
heard-of offer, and the syndicate af-
ter giving bond were at once placed
in possession Of their title, and the
great goose ranch was thus estab-
lished. They bought all the geese
that the old women and far mcls
would sell, from Maine to California
and from Canada to the gulf. They
were received at the rate of forty car
loads daily except Sunday, and great
excitement prevailed all over the
cou ntry; nothing else was talked
about except geese and feathers "a
light and airy topic certainly. Eve
rybody had goose on the brain; eve
rybody dreamt about goose and felt
like goose until person would
think the entire world had gone a
goosing, or that everything was love-
ly and the goose hung high. Well,
it looked that way to the Hardware
Mems Consolidated Goose Ranch
Co.." anyhow, and they were in
great glee over the prospect. At the
end of six months an inventory was
taken, and it was discovered that
they had pluckcd from the geese
95,463,SG pounds Of as fine feathers
as ever grew in the State of Texas.
An immense feather barn had to
be built to hold the product of this
wonderful ranch, and they were