The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-11-14
ALL SORTS.

Martin Farquhar Upper thinks
men will yet be able to fly. They
will want to If Upper writes any
more poetry.
Yes, my wife is good poker
player" Gays Long Island farmer ::
and then he added "She is also just
as handy with the longs"
The Gar draws pay as Russian
colonel. The Kentucky colonel
serves for nothing. Such is the diff
ference between a despOt and pat
riot.
Hold this before your girl 81 a
solemn warning. A 16-year-oid girl
at Newcomerstown, Ohio. died the
other day from eating ice cream and
oYsters.-Oil City Derrick.
eyes," he said, "I'll get even with
that postmaster. I'll write a mys-
ferrous postal card to somebody in
the village and let. him lie awake
thinking about what it meant
Boston Post.
A Brooklyn school teacher
spanked pupil, and now the pupils
father wants $4,000 damages. The
chances are that lit would be money
in his pocket to pay the teacher
$4,000 to spank the boy again
Hartford Post.
Long Branch is said to,be the old
est settlement in northern New
Jersey, and it has a church built in
Queen Anne's time. You see a
church at Long Branch is used so
little that it doesn't get worn out,
and lasts long time.-Boston Post.
An aged physician who .practiced
much among the ladies, made
large fortune. It was his custom to
say to every female patient, "ShoW
me your tongue, honey! There,
that will do, dear! You will be
well in a week, thank God, my
dear"
The Lowell Citizen says: "The
manager Of the American exchange
in London reports that 10000 Ann
erican tourists visited Europe this
this year. 1t is safe to assume that
$4,000 made fools of themselves in
some way" This is letting the
other 1 900 down very easy.-Bostoa
Post.
"You could tell at a glance that
that buttee wasn't DID," said Jones
to his landlady. "Of course it isn't,
sir" she replied; "but how can you
tell, sir ?" why, 1 can see that it
isn't bald yet" he answered softly,
and for ten minutes naught broke
the silence save the EXPLANATIONS of |
a fly in the milk pitcher, who was
unable to swim. life.
Six sturdy and rather plainly
dressed men stood at the corner of |
Wall and New streets the other |
noon talking Of the weather, the |
crops and prices. They wore stove
pipe hats. a degree or two out of
fashion clothes that hads cen wear,
and boots without lpolish. On the
opposite side stood six young men
respondent in the tip of style,
jewelry, canes and cigarettes, talking
about the ladies that passed. The
first six were representative citi-
Zens, and represented $4,000 900;
the six were dudes, and, outside of
their wearing apparel, shadn'5 20
cents among them.-New York
Commercial Advertiser.
A gentleman was riding with
lady in an open carriage, "all of a
day." and accidentally
mems arms are such awkward
things, are ever in the way
dropped an arm around her waist.
No objection was made for a while,
and the arm gradually relieved the |
side of the carriage Of the pressure
upon it. But of sudden whether |
from late recognition of the i'm
of the thing or the sight |
of another beau coming, never was |
known the lady started with vol !
canic energy, and with a flashing |
eye, exclaimed, 'Mr. Brown, I can
support myself" Capital" was
the reply, you are just the girl 1 |
have been looking for these Eve
years-will you marry me?"