The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-03-06
IHE DAILY Argus.
The ROYAL Bumper Degree.


A bad boy gives in Peek Sun the follow
ing account of how himself and ehum
gave his father the Royal Bumper Degree
$ We went up stairs and told pa to come
up pretty soon and give three dis
tinet raps and when we asked him who
comes there?' he must say a pilgrim who
wants to join your ancient order and ride
the goat Ma wanted TO come up, too,
but we told her If she came in it would
break up the lodge. cause woman could
Mt keep secret, and we didn't have Il
side saddle for the goat. Say. if you never
tried it, the next time you initiate man in
your Mason's lodge, you sprinkle little
Cayenne pepper on the goats beard before
you turn him loose You can get three
times as much to the square INCH OF goat.
Well, we got all fixed and pa raped, and
we let hin in and told him he must be
blindfolded, and he got on his knees laugh
ing. and | tied a tewl around his eyes, and
then turned him around and made him get
down on his hands also. and then his back
was right toward the closets door, and | put
buck beer sign right against pas clothes.
He was laffing all the time, and said we
bows was as full of fun as they made EN-
and we told him it was solemn occasion,
but we wouldn't permit no levity, and if
he didn't stop laffiag we couldn't give him
the grand bumper degree Then every
thing was ready and my chum had bis hand
on the closet door, and some kyan pepper
in his other hand and I asked pa in low
base tones If ne felt as though he wanted
TO turn back, or if he had nerve enough to
go ahead and take the degree. / warned
him that it was full of dangers as the goat
was loaded for beer, and told him he yet
had time to retrace his steps If he wanted
to. He said he wanted the whole usiness
and we could go ahead with the menagerie.
Then said to pa that if he had decided to
90 ahead and not blame us for the conse-
quences, to repeat after me the following:
g Bring forth the Royal Bumper and let
him bump Pa repeated the words and
my chum sprinkled the kyan pepper on the
goats mustache, and he sneezed and look
ed sassy, and he see the lager beer goat Far
ing up. and he started for it just like acow
catcher and blatted Pa is real fat, but he
knew he had got hit and he grunted and
said: Hell fire! what are the boys doin'Y
and then the goat gave him another degree
and pa pulled off the fowl and started for
the stairs, and so did The goat, and ma was
ut the bottom OF the stairs listening, and
when | looked over the bannisters pa and
ma and the goat were all in a heap and pa
Was Yelling murder and ma was screaming
fire, and the goat was batting and sneezing
and butting, and the hired girl came Into
the hall and the goat, and she crossed her
self just as the goat struck her and said
'Howly Mother protect met and went down
stairs the way we boys slide down hill,
with both hands on herself, and the goat
rared and blatted. and pa and ma went in
to their room and shut the door. and then
me and my chum opened the front door
and drove the goat out. The minister.
who comes to see ma three times a week.
was just ringing the bell aud the goat
thought he wanted to be Insulated, too and
gave him one for luck, and then went
down the sidewalk batting and sneeZiBg,
and the minister came IN the parlor and
and he was stabbed and then pa came
out of his room with his suspenders hang
ing down, and as he didn't know the min
lister was there ne said cuss words, and ma
cried and told pa he would go to hell sure.
and pa said he didn't care, he would kill
that kussid goat before he went, and told
pa the minister was in the parler, and he
and ma went down and said the weather
was porpitious for revival, and it seemed
as though an outpouring of the spirit was
about to be vouchsafed to His people and
none of them sot down but ma, cause the
goat didn't hit her. and while they was talk
IN religion with their mouths. and kussin'
tn goat inwardly, my chum and me aa
10 urned the lodge and | went and stayed
with him all night and I haIn't been home
since"