The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-08
A SLIM BANQUET.
spoopendyke Invites specklewottle to Din
ner and is Disappointed.

"Say, my DEAR" whispered Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, closing the door carefully and
approaching his wife with broad grin
on his visage. Say, my dear, Speckle-
wottle's down stairs in the parlor. He
as come to take dinner with us"
"Great gracious!" exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and
bustling up to the glass to arrange her
hair. "What did he come to-day forp
Don't he know it's wash day."
"He came for dinnerr' retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, turning pale around the
lips. "What dye s'pose he came for,
to be washedp What's wash day got to
do with itP Think the man can be
soaked in tub and hung over the
clothes line with measly wooden pin
astride the small of his back? Well, he
didn't, he came for grub, and you want
10 hustle around and get it pretty lively
for him, orIll begin to serve up things
myself before long,
Spoopendyke, "there's nothing in the
house! The clothes -"
Then serve up the clothesm roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for
gotten the day of the week when he in
vited his friend, and now wanted his
wife to get him out of the scrape some
how, and at the same time not let him
down with Specklewottle. "Just put
the clothes on platter and set 'em be-
fore him! You can explain to him that
we only eat three times week, like a
dog in hotweather! That'l satisfy him,
so long as he has the clothes to eatr'
"You don't imagine he would want
to eat the clothes, do youp' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, innocently.
"Just try him. yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. enraged at the idea of being TAX
en- literally. "Just try him and sling in
some of the natural grace you always
put on at the table! Mr. Specklewot-
tie, have some of this fricaseed petit
coatp' and Mr. Spoopendyke held out
the legs of his trousers as q woman
holds her skirts and waltzed around the
room. "'Mr. Specklewottle, have lit
tie of this poached night shirtp Now,
Mr.. Specklewottle, do try one of these
fried socks, and slice of pillow sham!
Dear Mr.. Specklewottle, pray let me
help you to piece Of this shirt collar
and a pair of stuffed cuffs! lmade them
myself. and though they are not as good
as that's the way to do i'll" continued
Mr.. Spoopendyke, suddenly concluding
his remarks with war whoop, and pre-
senting himself before his wife all out
of breath. Think you've got that bill
of fare all righte See your way clear to
successful dinner party now?"
'There's some cold shad down stairs,
and think there is a raw ham in the
cellar, ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke,
regarding her husband with startled
look of inquiry, as flashing if he thought
Specklewottle would mind the meat be-
ing raw and the fish triile cold. ~
don't think he has anything home on
Mondays except cabbage and beans. Or
perhaps he may have doughnuts and
pie, she continued, hastily, seeing her
husband swelling with retort. "And
I'm sure doughnuts and pie are good. "
"That's what he wants. howled Mr.
Spoopendyke, Bring forth the shad
that froze to death in the house of Spoo-
pendyke! Produce the ham with
crumpled horn that MIXED the shad
that froze to death in the house of Spoo-
pendyke! Develop the measly banquet
and let joy be unconilned! Amt We got
any more sense than a bung hole?
Think I'm going to bring the aristocracy
here to fatten on dead fish and live hogs?
How long are you going TO let that man
sit down stairs in state of starvation?
Where's that roast Of beef | brought
home the other dayPn
81 think we ate that all up the dav il
came home, " sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Do you mean that roast with the queer
little sticks in it?"
1.-The same" replied Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, nerying himself for another or
deal. "Did we eat the sticks? Am | 10
understand that there is not one dod.
gasted stick left of all that anluent lux.
uriousncssP Lift the impcnetrable veil
OF obscurity off the secluded bower Of
che shrinking sticks" he yelled a. Il
"hou on MN mat SpecklcWOttlo was
N the parlor, waiting to be fed and
Chat the social problem was no nearer
solution than when he started I.et
as unravel the mystery that hangs like
apall over the fate Of the unhappy
sticks, that they may come forth and
tructify Specklcwottle," and in the ex.
tess OF his emotion Mr.. Spoopcndyke
gaspcd for breath, and resting his hands
on his knees, looked Us II he were nvlt.
lLng his wife TO n little game Of leap.
frog,
There's some lettuce in the house.
and bought some Strawberries to-day,
and ] could cook the steak had saved
over for breakfast murmurcd Mrs.
Spoopendykc, coming out ,riumphan,ly
IN the end, woman like, "And will
put on my new wine coorod SATIN and
we viii give him nice supper"
Going 10 put that wine colorod satin
on the shao or the hamp" howlcd Mr.
Spoopendyke,w who had a mans idea that
a dinner Is not dinner until It's roast.
ed. Think brought that man horo at
six o'clock In the afternoon 10 take
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