davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31
Number Three.

On Brady street boy about thirteen
years old stood outside the fence and
received a hatfull of cherries from a
boy of nine or ten on the inside. There
was something so sweetly friendly and
charitable in the action that pedes-
trian crossed over and said to the small
boy after the big one had moved on:
Sonny, did you sell him the cher
RESP
'.No, sir
"Gave them of your own free will,
Eyes, SIR
''Well, he looks like poor boy who
can't buy fruit, and it was noble
action of yours
That's what I think, too, sir. He's
been licking me all summer, and
"And you heaped Goals Of fire on his
headP'
mo, sir. | fixed to heap a quart of
half-ripe cherries into his stomach, and
if he doesn't howl and twist and yell
and tie up in hard knots before night
then he's too mean for the collie to
tackle! He's the third one I've paid
off that way this week. ''-Detrot Free
Press.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31
A Thief as a Witness.


eyes, said the old prosecuting law
yer, 1--WE have some pretty sharp wit
nesses to handle sometimes. These
thieves get so they can dodge question
very successfully if they don't wish to
answer it. | remember once / had
well-known thief on the stand as wit
ness against another thief. was pref
ty sure he wouldn't testify to the truth,
but determined that If he did not
would convict him Of perjury. / wanted
to prove that there were less than q
dozen persons in a certain room at the
time the theft was committed, and that
the defendant was one of them. 1t was
my purpose to show to the jury that the
defendant and this witness were the
only persons not of excellent repute in
the room at the time, and thus heighten
the probability Of defendants guilt.
''How many persons were in the
room when you and defendant were
imp I asked
g" Between three and four hundred
said he.
II knew I could prove by every other
witness that there were only ten or
eleven, and it struck me [ would do the
public service by giving this witness
full opportunity to perjure himself. 1
asked the stenographer to read the
question and answer, and asked the
witness if that was his answer. He
said it was. Now, sir, said 7, on
your oath you say there were between
three and four hundred persons in that
roomp'
Yes, sir.'
"'Do you know the law relating to
periuryp" Iasked.
T" Yes, SIR
DO you know that intend to send
you to the penitentiary if you persist in
swearing thus falsely?'
sYou can't do it; 1 am telling you
truth" said he, as cool as a yellow dog
under an ice-wagon. Il piled the
thing up on him mountain high; asked
him all the questions / could think Of
that would tie him tight. As soon as
possible after that I had him indicted
for perjury, and on trial he beat me
sky-high. .
''How on earth did he do thatp''
s'Why, he simply swore that he meant
there We're between three persons and
four hundred in the room. And that
let him out He was quick one al
repartee, too. / asked him a question
and, as be wanted to gain time to think
it over, he pretended he didn' hear me
Perhaps, said /, sarcastically, I'd bet
ter write the question; may be you can't
hear. No. said he, in the same tone,
perhaps I'd better hear it; may be you
can't write. - Chicago Herald
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31

age; how bright and fascinating in its
promise of forbidden pleasure and iovs
anticipated; how apparently small and
Insignificant as it winds its way in and
out of the events of daily life; how
cheerful in its frothing, foaming con-
VITALITY; how green the fields, luxuri-
ant the shade. and tropically magnifi-
cent the flowers that deck its banks;
how easy the sailing, how unheeded the
ripples of warning against the PROV, or
the wrecks of other lives as they float
hopelessly BY
With what reckless hilarity and aban-
don the pleasure parties glide along its
smooth bosom, unmindful of how swift
ly the shores are receding, and how
near the gloom and despair Chat are
slowly settling over them! Then, the
first froth of Joy gone, and with the ter
rlble consequences of their action star
ing them full in the face, tbay awake to
a realization of their dreadful fate, and
with trembling hands endeavor to steer
for land. Too late; already the ill
omened nightmare birds of debt, dis.
honor and disgrace perch upon and
rend the frail bark, whose thin boards
alone separate them from the now foam
ing waters beneath.
Then is the terrible force and swift
ness of the current realized; then it is
that hopes and promises and good reso-
lutions so often fail to turn the doomed
craft from its course; then, too late, that
the foulness and pollution OF the stream
are seen; then that the staring and
CHASTITY faces of dead-and-gone hope,
happiness and ambition, dropping
astern, are lost to sight forever. The
banks no longer green and luxuriant,
but brown and seorched; the air hot
and sulphurous; thirst intense, craving,
dominant; delirium imminent; the joys
no longer joys, the pleasures now be-
come burdens.
No LONGER the little ripping stream
that the word mo- might at any mo-
ment turn from its course, but the angry,
seething, troubled sea of drunkenness,
the black clouds of despair, and the
sullen roar of the mighty breakers of
crime. disease or dishonor, against
which so many once promising lives
have been dashed and hopelessly
wrecked, and whose CHASTITY skeletons,
strewing the beach or stranded high
upon the shore, tell sad tales of misery,
despair, neglect and restitution.
Oh, for breath of the cool fields
where the golden grain is ripening!
Oh, for draught from the crystal
stream that moves the miller's WHEEL
Il. Il, Kane, H. d., IN Hypc,'S Weekly.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31
HUMOROUS.

Upon seeing a fire-engine at work,
an exquisite remarked: ''Who would
evan have dweamed that such 9, vewy
notwithstanding apparatus would
hold so much wattah!n Chicago I'rib-
U1ae.
The last case of Incidence related
is that of man named John Hole, who
was so lazy that, in writing his name,
he simply used the letter ''J'' anil then
punched hole through the paper
A. Y. News,
"A newspaper is much excited over
what it calls the Diseased wife's sister
Bill But what the wife's disease
was, and why her sisters name was
Bill, is not at all plain in the article
discussing the subject.-Detroit Free
Press.
One man was asked by another,
with whom he was on the best of
terms, where he had taken up mis-
abode. tOh,o he replied, I'm living
by the canal at present. I should be
delighted if you would drop in some
evening"
st 1t was pitched without" said a
clergyman, having Noah's ark for his
theme, and an old baseball player who
had been calmly slumbering awoke with
start and yelled ssfoul. /" The first
bass from the choir came down and put
him out.-M. Y. Iqdependeaat.
-"Send anything to this office in pay
ment for subscriptions, potatoes, cord
wood, string-beans, rags, old iron, any
thing, only send it, walls an impe-
cunious country editor, and then adds:
mot necessarily for publication, but as
a guarantee of good faith. dorchester
Post 1press.
-"And how old did you say she
vast" asked Mrs. jenkins of the muse
UNI attendant, pointing her sun-shade at
the Egyptian mummy in case.
-Four thousand years, ma am" an
swered the man. ''Do tell; wonder
fully well preserved at that age, amt
she? Are her teeth false?'
The scarcity of gentlemen at a
neighboring summer resort was so APP
parent that Boston lady telegraphed to
herhusband: George, bring down a lot
of beaus for the hop this evening"
Thanks to the telegraph manipulator,
George arrived with "pot Of beans, =
Boston Courier.
His Vacation
He wanders the street in an old striped coat,
With ink marks all over his arms,
And never shirt collar graces his throat,
And no waistcoat his brave bosom warns.
A scraggy beard grows all over his face,
And he looks very much like tramp;
His hair is uncut, and in heats grim embrace
He appears most decidedly damp.
Why does this young man, SO careful in dress,
Now look very much like hummer?
Ali bitter the truth that must here confess
His girls gone away for the summer.
-WdShirgtOfl ReDltblicdn.
Everybody in Texas knows Colonel
Bill Fritz Hugh, the man who talked
old General Holmes out of the ring dur
ing the war. Bill was at the Great
Windsor, in Dallas, and sent a waiter off
with his order. In course of time the
fellow came back. Bill looked at him
in establishment moment and then
asked: ''Are you the same man | gave
my order top To which the waiter
replied: Eyes. sir, I am that same. y
''Well, my goodness!" retorted Bill,
you have aged SO that would not have
known you from Aaron's scape- goat"
TEXAS S!ftiags.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31
What Was in a Bottle.

I was once called upon to analyze
bottle of liquor in case of suspected
poisoning. took it into my laboratory
and applied the chemical tests that sci
ence had developed, and found only the
usual component parts of carbon, hydro
gen and oxygen. No, there was no
poison there, such as had been suspect
ed. 1t was, as the manufacturer stated
on the label of the bottle, ''pure liquor"
My little chemical skill had failed to de-
tect any unusual ingredients.
l sat looking at the suspected COM
pound for a few minutes, when imagi-
nation, ever busy with the human brain,
said TO me: ''Oh, thou most blind and in
expert chemist, most ignorant of what
thou art most assured. is thy scientific
knowledge of so little avail? Seest
thou no poison there? Look again; re-
gard not the evidence of the alembic
and the retort, but take it into the labora-
tory of thy recollections of the past and
of all human experience, then tell me
what thou seest."
Hooked for a few moments, and soon I
saw its color change, and on the bottom
the red drops of murder were gathering
there. 1 looked again, and from its
liquid depth the CHASTITY face of suicide
looked forth at me, with the glazed eye
and livid features of the dead Again
looked, and pale, haggard want, famine
and wretchedness were floating like
notes in the sunbeam in its sparkling
contents. And there | saw the mothers
grief, the wife's agony and the tears
of the drunkard 5 children; saw the
ruined hopes of a wicked life and the
record of sin and crime. The very bub-
bles that sparkle on its surface were full
of human sorrow, disease and woe
From "Leaves from the Diary Of an
old LdaOuer.''
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31

DR.. Moffat, the father-in-law of DIR.
Livingstone, whose death has been an
nounced, was for many years a mission
airy in Africa. In 1870 he returned to
England, and he was presented soon
afterward by his friends in that country
with the sum of $4,000 in recognition
of his great services in the missionary
field Such recognition is too rarely
accorded to missionaries who have
spent the best part of their lives in an
apparently thankless work.-N. 7.
Trihnaae.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31

-Pug-dogs have gone out Of fashion
as ladies' pets, and japanese spaniels
and Italian greyhounds have taken
their place. Chicago Journal.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31
THE CROCODILE GIVES A DIN
NER PARTY

willy crocodile
Who dwelt upon the Nile
Bethought himself one day to give dinner.
Economy said he,
"Is chief of all with me,
And shall considered be-as Pm sinner"
With paper, pen and ink,
He sat him down to think;
And first of all, Sir Lion he invited;
The Northern Wolf who dwells
In rocky Arctic dells;
The Leopard and the Lynx, by blood united
Then Mr.. Fox, the shrewd-
No lover, he of good
And Madame Duck with sober step and stately:
And Mr. Frog serene
In garb OF bottle green,
Who warbled bass, and bore himself sedately.
Sir Crocodile, content,
The invitations sent.
The day was come-his guests were all assem-
bled;
They fancied that some guile
Lurked in his ample smile;
Bach on the other looked, and somewhat trem-
bled.
A lengthy time they wait,
Ihe1r hunger wakes great;
And still the host in conversation dalliea
AT last the tables laid,
With covered dishes spread,
And out in haste the hungry party sallies.
But when-the covers raised
On empty plates they gazed,
Each on the other looked with dire intention;
Ma'am Duck sat last of all,
And Mr. Frog was small
She softly swallowed him and made no men
toni
This Mr.. Fox perceives,
And saying: By your leaves,
Some punishment is due for this transgres-
sion"
He gobbled her in haste,
Then, much to his dstaste,
BY Mr.. Lynx was taken in possessionl
The Wolf, without pause
In spite Of teeth and claws,
Left nothing of the Lynx to tell the story;
The Leopard, all irate
At his relations fate,
Made mince meat of that wolflsh monster
hoary
The Lion raised his head;
Since am king" he said,
ut Ill BELTS the king to lack his dinnerl''
'f Then on the Leopard sprang,
With might of claw and fang,
And made meal upon that spotted sinner
Then saw in sudden fear
Sir Crocodile draw near,
And heard him speak with feelings Of distrac-
ton;
"Since all of you have dined
Well suited to your mind,
You surely can not grudge me satisfaction
B N& And sooth, a deal of guile
Lurked in his ample smile,
AS down his throat the roaring lion hasted;
. Economy, with me-
Is chief of ALL said he,
"And am glad to see there nothing wasted"
8Vt5 Good Cheer.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31

/ Ice cream may taste good, but it's
oold comfort after all, Boston Star.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31

A TEMPERANCE MEETING AT SEA-
Not many temperance missions are
held in mid-ocean; but some blue-rib-
bon delegates, on their way to Canada
recently set an example of this line.
They held Gospel Temperance services
IN behalf of the sailors and passengers
OF their ship; gained seventeen new
pledges, and distributed ninety-three
blue ribbons. Among those who took
the pledge were the First Mate md the
Chief Engineer of the vessel.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31

THE SAME EVERYWHERE Strong
drink is the same blighting curse in
every cline. The Friend, published at
Honolulu, says: "Some months ago,
when the Prohibition question was un-
der discussion the seamen's chaplain
preached a sermon founded upon the
sixth command of the Decalogue, Thou
shalt not kill. He little imagined that
in so few months so many sad and
tragic illustrations Of the ruinous con-
sequences of intoxicating liquors would
be placed upon record in the courts of
this Kingdom. The reports of trials
from Hilo, Waikiki, Lahaina, and 9TH
er localities, are enough to deter men
from importing and selling rum in this
Kingdom. The idea that the Govern
ment should encourage, rather than
repress, the issue of rum licenses, is
among the saddest aspects of Govern"
ment policy.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-08-31

Coop WoRK.-Loeal Option does
good work in Maryland. A comparison
of the commitments for drunkenness in
nine prohibition counties, with fourteen
which license the saloon, shows one COM
mitment to each 382 persons in the
former, and one to each 1874 persons IN
the latter counties. The National Tenn
pera1ace AdUocate, after giving the tabu-
lated figures, further states in proof OF
the fact that Local Option prohibits in
Maryland, that the last Brewers Con-
gress voted $4,000 to assist the Mary
land brewers in fighting the Local OPP
tionists
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13
A Cunning Scheme.

An aged lady named Mrs. Hutchinson,
living in Flat No. 8, No. 1861 Wabash
avenue, was run down in front of No. 363
State street at four o'clock by runaway
horse belonging to j. f. Baumgarten, of
dered insensible and quite badly bruised,
and several people ran to her assistance.
As she was being picked up young
woman who seemed TO be very much agi.
tatcd took hold Of her feet and helped to
carry her into neighboring drugstore.
Bending over her, she asked: "Mother
are you hurtg' and then turning to a
gentleman who had picked up small
red handbag dropped by the injured
lady, asked him for it. Thinking the
young woman daughter of the old lady,
he gave her the bag and she slipped out.
A few minutes later Mrs. Hutchinson re-
gained her senses and at once asked for
her bag. When told that il had been
given to her daughter, the old woman
gasped something about being robbed,
and tainted. A couple of policemen who
were then present suddenly "tumbled'
that there was something wrong about
the young woman and the handbag, and
after n little inquiry found a woman
named Cora Coleman, who had been with
the, other young woman, whose name is
Hunt, and who Is no relation to Mrs.
Hutchinson. 1t eventually transpired
that it was clever case of robbery, the
handbag containing 500 in cash and a
set of jewelry and watch worth 5000
more. The Hunt woman and her COM
panion had Spotted" Mrs. Hutchinson
somewhere, it is supposed, and followed
her about, awaiting a chance to get the
bag The accident gave them the OPP
portunity, and the clever ruse adopted
by the Hunt woman gained the prize
Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

A letter from Reed City, Mich, says.
Charley Chick, veteran land-looker
and woodsman residing at Baldwin, and
well known throughout this section, met
with an exciting adventure with Il deer,
recently, in the north part of Newaygo
County. He was land looking in town
Is. II, accompanied only by his dog, a
bull terrier Hearing his dog barking
furiously at something quite distance
away and across the river from where
he was, he went over the stream, and on
snow-shoes went to investigate the cause
of the racket. He had noticed lynx
tracks several times during the afternoon
and thought that the dog had freed n
lynx. Owing to the peculiar nature of
the ground he could not see the disturb
ance until fairly upon them. Instead of
q lynx his dog had brought to bay very
large buck deer The crust of the snow
was strong enough TO hold the dog but
not the deer, and they were having q
lively time CT il. Not wishing to kill the
animal ut this season of the year he
broke off n limb from dry hcmlock and
struck the dog two or three times and
made him loosen his hold, the dog hav-
ing solid hold of the buck. No sooner
had the dog loosened his grip than the
ungratei1i deer turned upon Chick with
great fury and made fierce charge upon
him. He was armed with n hunting
knife and revolver. He determined to
run, but made such poor Roadway upon
his show-shoes that the enraged buck
soon overlook him. In the onset the
deer's foot struck the rawhide network
of the snow-shoc and broke it. Any per-
son who has ever tried walking on snow
shoes knows what predicament that
puts man i'm. The dog came TO the
rescue of the master and for time it
was badly mixed up mess of man. dog
and deer. Finally, getting his foot free
from the broken snow-shoe he drew his
revolver and put ball in the deer's head.
The next instant the buck knocked him
down and made vigorous effort to
stamp him under the snow. The dog
seized the deer and that animal turned
upon him. Chick had lost his revolver
in the onslaughts. Before the deer again
turned to Chick he had time TO draw his
knife, long-bladcd dirk. This time he
grapplcd the deer and hung on to his
head and neck with one arm while he
piled the knife with the other, finally
succeeding in killing the buck. Chick
arrived home i'm badly battered condi-
ton, with his clothes torn and damaged.
His whole life has been spent in the
woods, and he says that this was the
most exciting adventure he ever had.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13
Tho m;nisterino hand of orc

The ministering hand of gentle
woman has been felt again, this time in
Pawtuckct, X. /. A child in one of the
schools there whstled. The teacher
asked who il was, and failing to find out
flogged the whole school, with one ex-
ception. a girl who chose to be turned
out instead. There were fifty-eight
scholars, and iifty-seven of them got five
blows apiece with q rattan. Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

-"An act to prevent the burning or
cremating Of human bodies after death
was introduced in tho Pennsylvania
Senate recently by Senator Nelson, of
Wayne County, on the ground that "such
bodies are generally imported from other
States for cremation, and the practice is
contrary to the instincts of humanity,
the Christian civilization of the age and
abhorrent TO the masses Of the people Of
the State" The penalty proposed is a
fine of from $500 to 81 900, or solitary
confinement at labor for from one TO
three years, or both.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

A woman of one OF the interior
towns of Pennsylvania has introduced a
startling innovation into the time-hon-
ored custom of giving birthday parties:
She insisted that each guest, instead OF
purchasing present at random, should
contribute fifty cents, and that she should
thus be left free to buy such presents as
she might want. Every minister's wife
in Pennsylvania will rise up and call this
woman blessed. Chicago Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

81 should like to see Mrs. Smith, y
said Mrs. Brownloe. "Pd give her a
piece of my mind" "Quite generou:
of you," remarked her friend "but
perhaps she would never find any
more use for it than you have, Mrs
Brownloe. boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

Mr.. Hammer is a Chicago. man who
is dreadfully bored by having people
tell him he ought to be able to hit the
nail OH the head. He, however, re-
torts that he never does, as he is
wholly in the hands of his wife,
Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

Things one would rather not have
said: Mrs. A.-"Come and lunch
with us tomorrow. You will be in
terested in the schoolmastcr's bride"
Mrs. Bob yes; how do you like
her" Mrs. Avery well, only
she's little unused to the ways Of
society. | should not like to ask her
to meet nice people. e."-Fliegende
Blatter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

The large stone hand of an idol in
a Chinese temple recently fell off and
severely injured worshipper beneath.
"Satan finds some mischief still for
idol hands to do."-Burlington Free
Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

We have seen it asked who painted
Henry Kirke White. Ii was proba-
bly, the same person who painted Will
liam Black, Thomas Gray, and the
other Thomas Brown.-T. III. +.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

If u woman loses her voice driving
out chickens, could she be called u
blacksmith? She certainly would be
a hoarse-shewer.-The Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

81 saw you coming out of bar
room the other day." remarked a lady
to q gentleman. "You wouldn't have
me stay there all the time, would you p
Milton News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

YOU'RE the plague of my lifc," ex.
claimed an angry husband. 81 wish
the old Nick had YOU $50 | might
plague you in the next world?" calm
ly inquired the wife.-Elevated Rail
road journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

Jones says he feels sure that his
young hopeful, 6 months old, will
easily develop love for field sports,
because he is such base bawler.-T.
ii. +.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

Judge Richie, of Frederick, Nd,
has sixteen beautiful daughters, only
one of whom is married. This is
what the French would call an en-
barassment of Ritchie's. Lowell Cour-
ier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

A Jersey City undertaken adver-
tises that he furnishes "every requis-
ite for funeral" He must be II doc
tor as well as an NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-13

Tit for tat: as the baron ut homer"
B.-"No, he sends word to you that
he has just gone out" A.-"Good
Give the baron my compliments, and
say | didn't call. .'-Fliegende Blatter.