Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-10-05
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

Many men Of many mnda-hen-p ecked
| husbands.
u A coroner's Jury out in Nebraska had to
wait two days to be sword, while q messeng-
er rode 10 miles to get Bible.
A Wisconsin woman who married one Of
two twin brothers has been SO bothered ever
since to find out which one 1t was that she
has concluded to sue for divorce.
A lot of snakes suddenly appeared in
North Carolina campmeeting and three
fourths Of the colored deaeons frantically
pulled of their boots.
With regard to the report that Parnel was
shot In Ireland, an exchange tmidly suggests
that shadow Of doubt is cast upon the
rumor by two slight facts, one of which was
that Parnell was not in Ireland at the time
and the other one that he wasn't shot
An enterprsing Yankee advertses COM
pound called baby Beautifiern 1t is ex-
tensively used by old maids with yellow
skins, but we never yet heard Of mother
who would admit that her infant needed
| il.
| There is nut growing in Africa called
the "kola" which is said 10 conquer the taste
for liquor Let's import few and drop
em into our country deacons cider bar
rel.
zone hundred Methodists," Gays an ex-
change, were recently immersed in Hi
nois." Now don't get up and howl, good
brothers. They didn't go over to the Bap-
| tists-they only got dumped into the water
at barge picnic.
AT recent shooting festival of jersey
City police, the gold medal was awarded to
the target. 1t was the only member of tic
| tournament that wasn't hit
The alleged ancient Shapiro manuscript,
which was offered to the British government
for $4,000, 900 has been cOnclusively declared
forgery. Shap will have to dispose of his
little piece to some city paper at $40 col
umn.
The most successful masher-the pugi.ist.
oh, you want to see some real county
milk eh ?" said Mrs. Bascom, "W.ll, Just
come out into our crcamtory, and I'll show
you some.'
Sioux chief bears the mellfluous name Ct
1.-TWO Skunks." lie evidently wishes d.
signing sluaws to understand that he is not
matrimonially inclined.
Virginia is beginning to make flour Of
peanuts Virginia is too blamed poverty
| stricken to have any romance left in her soul.
New York girls of the period drink goats
milk for the complexion. The coloring mat.
ter in tomato Can Labels is said to produce
red checks.
Capital is vigorously timid," says
writer. Awfully-awfuy. How the poor
little thing shrunk and trembled during the
great strike. 1t is is Labor that is the bold,
bad boy.
Ayoung society man, whose mind was
running onanother subject, acknowledged an.
evening invitation as follows "Your kind
invitation for Thursday evening is accepted
| with regret" And then he lay awake all
Thursday night wondering why his hostess
treated him SO coldly.
man who applied for an assistant pro-
fessorship in Western college, when asked
if he had had any previous experience, re.
p led that he had been tutor for the past
six years. After he had been engaged, it
| transprel that he had been tooter of brass
| instruments.
The paradox of paradoxes is that in the
marriage ceremony, the woman doesn't get
l in INV mn fn1t- ha tha
John Lawrence Sullivan, by spreading
himself over the country, con'rives to unite
the occupations of spelling faces abroad and
spelling stomachs at home.-Boston Tran
script.
| Yes said the drummer, watching a
rival at hotel; sit isn't his first trip this
way. Don't you see, he isn't on flirting
terms with the table girls ?-Bost0n Post.
| The condor of the Andes is the largest bird
that flies. School Book. This was written
before the United States abscouder came
into vogue.-BOston Star.
| Sick Man What. female physician
| want doctor, to make me well-not a
woman, to make love to me. Female physi-
| clan (basLfully)-I promise 10 Go nether.-
| The Judge.
| Prof Parkhurst says that the comet of
1912 will be visible to the naked eye with a
short tail about Christmas. Don't you wish
your eye had short tail attachment
CITY Derrick.
| Dear me-" said good old lady on Fifth
avenue the other evening, show this craze
for china is growing Here's New York
club that pays 5000 for a pitcher. PITTS
burg Telegraph.
Almost ht-"how's yer coming in your
new place 2" asked Uncle Nose of Gabe
i Snodgrass, who had recently accepted posi-
ton as porter in an Austin hardware store.
"rse not comm on very fas', Uncle Nose.
De boss told ME suning dis mornin', and cf
he don't take ii back he gwinter lose me
shuah yer born. He's tolc me to consider
myself discharged. "-.Sittngs