The Bossier banner., 1883-08-02
How to Marry a Rich Girl.

peLe Win nef f1ch ana accomplished
admirers is a question that haunts YOU.
Success will be easy if you know how
to go to work. In the first place, YOU
must get all mercenary thoughts out of
your mind. TO do this there is nothing
like early rising and cooling diet.
Having gotten yourself into wooing
condition. set about the task with busi-
uess-like determination.
improve every opportunity of getting
daughter, but always appear entirely
unconscious of her presence. If you
chance to find yourself near her, 90 to
another part of the room and pay court
to the homeliest and most neglected
girl in the house. Tell your best stories
and display your choicest witt; pres
emily you will have crowd of listeners
who will hang upon your words and be
swayed by your eloquence The rich
young lady will hear the murmurs of,
applause and for time remain OBJ
ivious to the sensation you are making;
then she will grow uneasy, and give
nonsensical orders to the servants.
She will ask foolish questions about the
weather in Scotland and the fashions
in Holland, and finally, with an ingeni-
GUS air of Indifferent surprise, remark:
Il wonder what that young man is
saying to those foolish girls. !"
Of course you hear the young lady
talking, but you must effect entire
ignorance of her presence, while you
continue your eloquence. 1t will not
be iong before the beautiful heiress will
slyly ask what you are talking about.
The reply will be entirely unsatisfac-
tory. Then the heiress will invite you
to sit near her. If you are wise YOU
viii be brilliant and further excite her
curiosity by a few words, pointing
witticism or two and speedily returning
to your friends. This will pique the
rich young lady, and her heart viii
burn with anger. AS. soon as you dis
cover that she is really interested in
what you are saying and seeks your
society, make preparations to depart
Go through q grand flourish of leave
taking with your neglected listeners,
keep them amused and smiling until
the very last moment. then politely
take leave of your heiress and 90 home.
This little maneuver of yours win
end her pleasure. for the evening.
Precious little sleep win she get that
night. All the fine phrases and ilowery
compliments of her wealthy suitors
will be lost in the thought of how you
Sighted her.
Unlike men, women are impetuous.
They do not wait. On the very next
day the heiress will send you an invita-
ton to attend party. She will be
there and so will you. On this coca
sion you must pay her your finest adj
dress. Do it in line, delicate but in
different way. Your conduct will again
perplex the heireSs, but never mind
that.
You must now talk constantly of her
to her friends. Tell them that you
would like to shoot three or four Of her
lovers; that il she were not rich you
would walk over ten acres of bayonets
to make love to her. In few DAYS
you will get an invitation to another
party. If you are wise you will send
and decline to go. Explain to
her friends that you are madly in love
with her, and that your sense of honor
keeps you from intruding upon her
presence. Send her anonymous bou-
quets merely writing From friend
on the card. Your star now begins to
rise upon the horizon; you must go
away for few weeks. While you are
gone write ardent but very respectful
letters to her friends from your place
of exile. On9 your return you will get
an invitation to call on her. You must
go at once, talk to her as if you owned
her, give her good advice, explain your
views about self control, then change
the conversation until it concerns your
self, finally hesitate, stammer little,
blush a good deal and make the girl
your confidant. Tell her in warm
gush Of enthusiasm how much You love
a rich girl, but add that you are. poor
and feel that it would be dishonorable
to propose to her. In conclusion,
say that you intend to leave
the city in a week-forever, never
to return again. This will make the
heiress tremble. She will ask you to
name the girl. While she catches her
breath, blush again, let your heart
swell and the tears flow from your eyes.
Say with a sob that she is the one YOU
love, and then rush for the door. Your
sweet, beautiful heiress will give one
cry, fling her arms around your neck
and sob: II love you with all my heart;
take me-" etc., while you clasp her to
your breast and rain kisses upon her
lips. During this period of divine ec-7
stasy (Which will seem about two centu-
ries), suddenly come to your senses,
tear yourself from the girl and
wildly exclaim that the sacrifice must
not be. Say that her friends will re-
proach you and justly accuse you of de-
stroying the life of a poor girl, say that
you love her too well to drag her down
to poverty, cheap laundries, etc, ETC.,
etc.
That night you will go home Cseasr
with C8sar's crown upon your brow,
and in few weeks you will be married
to a woman who truly loves you with
her whole soul. Butnot until you have
taken possession of noble palace on
the Hudson, with luxury and fine horses
all around you, win you begin to realize
into what depths of contempt sordid
man can descend. IN. z J0ar71ag.