The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1883-06-16
June Mirtll.

Truth is a greater stranger than fiction
New Orleans Picayune.
Why is deacon like hat band? Because
he passes around the hat.
The New Orleans Picayune gives Mr.
Watterson's platform as poker for reve.
nue. only.
If Gov. Butler is chicken in politics
his Vtoes show him to be dorkin.-Tur-
ner Falls Reporter.
Boston is building an immense barrel
factory. Boston always prepares for the
national campaign. Journal.
| A Philosophical son of Erin was over
heard remarking to friend; "Have a
good time while you live, for you're a long
while dead n'-Life.
Joubert says Gravity is the rind of wis
dom;' but this is not always so. 1t FREE
quently occurs that there is wisdom in the
peal Of laughter.
Although NJ. Vanderbilt retired rather
preeipitously, the NorristoWn Herald is
inclined to believe that bis accounts are all
straight.
The Commercial Advertiser says that
old brass knockers on front doors are to be
revived. They will probably assume the
shape o1abook agents.
The New York Graphic said the other
II oft ba hos
heaven, DR. Holmes will read poem. - Il
lustrated World.
Boston's pet pugulist will pound and be
pounded this evening in the same plac
where the other dog show was held last
week .--Commercia Advertiser.
1t is the fashion this year for baldhead-
ed people TO wear their SUBMITS so highly
polished that when fly lights on it he'll
slip and break his neck - lonkers Gazette,
last week Methodist conference in
New England voted that the use of tobacco
is sin against God. It must have had
reference to Connecticut tobacco.--Post-
Express.
General Butler has the power of going
to sleep at any time when he chooses to do
so. It is supposed that the General, in his
younger days, was on the police for a time.
DR.. Armitage says: "Man should always
be graceful Did the Doctor ever have
on a new spring suit, and try to get out
of the way of a watering-cart? Guess not
Lowell Citizen
Under recent legal decision in Chicago,
it is established for all time that when a
blonde lawyer kisses 4 pretty girl book
agent and Is cow-hided by a redheaded
lover, the party last named must pay five
dollars fine.
"What is ffchue?' asks a correspond
ent. All yes; fichue is q hue that re-
sembles a fish of some kind--kind of a
crushed mackerel shade, and much in
vogue with the Goldfish arstoracy. White
hall Times.
'Kind words cost nothing and go long
distance,' We know letter containing a
few that went from Philadelphia to New
York and then came back to the sender's
wife and caused divorce suit.-Chronicle-
Herald.
The young man was trying to play sober.
He sat with the young lady on the front
steps. He studied for a long time; trying
to think Of somthing that would illustrate
his sobriety. Finally he looked up, And
said: 'sThe (hic) moons as full as goose !;
amt it?o-Georgia Major.
Charity on the boulevard: A little beg
gar in a lamentable voice cries Charity,
if you please. Mamma is widow with five
children; we have no bread. Charity, if
you please - passerby, after giving two
cents, ask ''What does your father do lit
tie one? 20 ''IIe is a carpenter, sir !''-Char-
iyari.
An 1llinoise man boxed his wife's ears
because she invested 81 in lottery tick
ct. She left him, and her ticket soon
after drew $4,000 This should teach hus-
bands lesson. When their wives invest
in lottery tickets they should defer boxing
their ears until after the drawing comes off.