St. Landry democrat., 1883-01-13

Screws. 70
Recharging battery. Observation-Disclosures. .9s
Three hours labor. ............ 2.5
String .e w
P P,pd Extract liz
Springs. 4,050 s.vg
Railroad fares. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 7.25
sla.77
eat length a perfectly natural thing
came about-after we had answered
three or four hundred false alarms Ito
wit, we stopped answering them. les.
/ simply rose up calmly, when slammed
across the house by the alarm, calm
ly inspected the annunciator. took note
OF the room indicated, and then calmly
disconnected that room from the alarm
and went back to bed as if nothing had
happened. Moreover. 1 left that room
of permanently, and did mot send for the
expert. Well, it goes without saying
that in the course OF time all the rooms
where taken off and the entire ma
chinery was out of service.
SIT was at this unprotected time
that the heaviest calamity OF all hap
pened. The burglars walked in one
night and carried off the burglar alarm!
yes, sir; every hide and hair Of it;
ripped it out, tooth and toe-nail;
springs, bells, gongs, battery and all;
they took one hundred and fifty miles
of copper wire; they just cleaned her
out, bag and baggage, and never left us
a vestige of her to swear at-sWear by,
/ mean.
1--WE had time of it to get her back,
but we accomplished it finally. fo1
money. Then the alarm firm said that
what we needed now was to have her
put in rieht-with their new patent
springs in the windows to make false
alarms impossible. and their new patent
clock attachment to take off and put on
the alarm morning and night without
human assistance. That seemed q good
scheme. They promised to have the
whole thing finished in ten days. They
began work, and we left for the sum-
mer. They worked couple of days;
/ then they left for the summer After
which the burglars moved in and began
their summer vacation. When we re-
turned in the fall the house was as
empty as beer closet in premises
where painters have been at work.
We refurnished and then sent down to
hurry up the expert. He came up and
finished the Job, and said: Now this
! clock is set to put on the alarm every
night at ten, and take it off every morn
ing at 5:45. All you We got to do is to
wind her up every week, and then
| leave her alone she will take care OF
the alarm herself.
| g After that we had most tranquil
season during three months. The bill
was pro9igious. of course, and | had
said [ would not pay until the new ma
/ chinerY had proved itself to be HAWKES..
! The time stipulated was three months.
I So paid the bill, and the very next
| day the alarm went to buzzing like
1 10, 900 bee-swarms at ten o cock in the
morning. i turned the hands around
| twelve hours. according to Instructions,
and this took off the alarm; but there
was another hitch atnight, and ] had
to set her ahead twelve hours once more
/ to get her to put the alarm on again..
! That sort of nonsense went on Il week
or two then the expert came up and
put in new clock. He came up every
three months during the next three
years and put in new clock. But it
was always "a failure. His clocks all
had the same pergerse defect. They
would put the alarm on in the day time,
and they would not put it on at night;
and if you forced it on yourself, they
would take it off again the minute your
| back was turned.
Nov there is the history of that
burglar alarm everything just as it
/ happened; nothing extenuated, and
naught set down in malice. Yes, sir;
and when l had slept nine years with
burglars, and maintained an extensive
burglar alarm the whole time. for their
protection, not mine. and at my sole
cost-for not a plaguey cent could !
ever get them to contribute lust said
to Mrs. McWilliams that had enough
of that kind of pie; so with her full
consent took the whole thing out and
4 traded it off for a dog, AM shot the
dog. don't know what you think
about it, Mr.. Twain. but think those
things are made solely in the interests
of the burglars. Yes, sir; a burglar
alarm combines in its person all that is
OBJ ectionable about a fire. a riot and q
Hharem, and at the same time has none
! of the compensating advantages, OF
one sort or another. that customarily be-
long with that combination. oa-bye;
/ get off here. = !.
So saying Mr.. McWilliams gathered
up his sachel and umbrella, and bowed
4 himself out OF the train. - Marx
lvain,''. IN Harpe1's Christmas.