National Republican., 1883-04-30

10 SAT- When we both nave uled,
With mover oar,
With mover shore,
Drifting on with the tide
-Mdy ProoSn.
The Boston Herald prescribes a steady re-
fisa to be blackmailedas as an effective remedy for
blackmailing
A MAN con Brooklyn ferry boat" gave
Z" Number One" away the other day said II was
Dan OMyte."
ACCORDING to the Boston Herald the latest
form ofinvitaton is to "come west and blow up
with the country"
WHEN q man beats his wife Mt cards, he
becomes wife beater, yet law that would pun
ish him by aogging would be unlust-0R City
Bhssdrd.
BIsMARcK's income is $4,000. How much
Of this he secretly squnndors on American pork.
the Coarier.Journdi says, is known TO very few in
Deutschland.
BABY nudges his mothers elbow. "Mam-
ma, stop Toto from killing the fly on the window"
"what forg" because / want to kill him my
self"-French Fun.
1--WE want your custom, not your money"
ndvertises a 81. Louis frm. The business men Of
ST. Louis have large hearts as we'll as large feet.
Courier.J Journal.
OUR advice to young ladies who contem-
plate advertising for man with whom she eau
trust her happiness: Putnot your trust in print,
iss."- Whitehall Times.
THE Courier-Journdl is disgusted because
Herr Most, who has talked more blood aud thun.
der than any European visitor this country has
ever welcomed, has not yet slaughtered even a
dude.
II is said that Thackeray never break
tasted until o'clock, although he arose four hours
earlier. The Commercial Advertiser thinks he must
have lost his collar button with reckless regu.
larity.
HEARD on the street by the Philadelphia
NeDs " Please sir, won't you give me penny;
I'm starving" "A penny Why, gave you fifty
cents, yesterday. What did you do with it?''
Please, sir, went to the cercus."
THEY were discussing an elopement, and
one lady, turning to her friend, said: Don't you
believe It would kill you II your husband was
to run away with another woman2" ut might"
was the reply "Groat Joy sometimes kills"
For moro than eight years Miss Annie
Goandter has been a switch tender at Milwaukee.
She is employed by the Chicago, Milwaukee aud
| ST. Paul railway company and has charge OF
seven important switches She receives $40 per
month and is supposed to be the only female
switch tender in this country. ca
The Wilmington Netcs tells Of man who
went home the other night and found his house
locked up. After infinite trouble he managed TO
gain entrance through back window and then
| discovered on the parlor table q note from bis
wife, reading: ~ have gone out; you will find the
key on the side of the step" Some women are
too thoughtful to live.
CARRYING the war into Africa. Visiting
Briton-"Ya-as, Miss Wosnlind-but your politi-
cians-aw-are a lot of blawsted cads, y'knaw.
You are-aw-wuled by a set of wiotus wascals
whom you wouldn't dream of-aw-inviting to
your house" Rosalind-"True; but in England
you are governed by persons who wouldn't dream
ofinvitng you to theirs"-LUe.
The woman who can read the following
item without shuddering or screeching must be
devoid of all feminine feeling and fit for an advo
cate of female sufrage farmer In California
carried a mouse around on the inside Of his
clothes for several hours the other day before he
discovered what II was. He felt Its struggles but
said he thought 1t was the twtching of one of his
muscles.
THE masher is an amateur dude. -. There
Is nothing very backward about the spring..
GRAY hairs are honorable. The bald head is
doubtful "A dead look is out Of place In legis-
lature, though It is all right on cemetery gate
Two beats to the bar make common time. Too
many beats about bar prevents the barkeeper
from having any kind OF time on his own ac-
count-NeD Orleans PtcdWtne
ASAN FRANCISCO paper has this fair thing
J | 10 say of undortakers: A great deal OF fun 10
poked at undertakers on account OF their exorbit-
} ant charges; but who ever heard OF an UNDER
taker becoming millionaire? The undertaker's
charges are high, but he is probably cheated out
OF his pay ofener than any man In other business.
} He charges what the traffic will bear and gets
even on his paying customers for his losses on
, those who fail to pay"
, IT may or may not be blessing, but our
railways and newspapers and telegraphs carry
slang as well as other things from one end Of the
country To the other at tremendous rate Of speed
D Away out In New Mexico the Las Vegas Gazette
, announces that &C. W. Clark was run out Of town
7 yesterday. He Is a common dude" When the
western mode of disposng OF these gentry reaches
New York what running out OF town" there
, will be.-Boston Herald
QUEEN CAROLINE, wife of George III, was
q remarkably plain spoken woman, II an anecdote
told of her by the London Truth is authentic. She
| is said to have remarked of her eldest son. the
father of George III: MY dear first born is the
greatest ass and the greatest liar, and the greatest
canaile and the greatest beast in the whole world.
: and most heartily wish he was out OF It," Her
i wish was ultimately granted, as this hopeful
prince died at the age A. while his royal father
o was still on the throne
. SoMERvILLE takes the first prize for a ten.
y der hearted man. According to the Journal Of
that place; he is so sensitive that he can't bear to
y see or hear his wiie saw wood, aud when she
tackles the bucksaw in the cellar, he puts his
y y hat and walks out of the house, We have man
a In Yonkers, though, who is not great many laps
\ behind him 1t makes him feel SO bad when his
a wife gets up to make the fire in the morning that
4 he turns over and shuts his eyes, Then he feels
Il better Yonkers Statesman.
% A LONG ISLAND dominic visited the Brook
lyn police headquarters for the purpose of looking
at the rogues gallery. Tho first thing that caught
"a his eye was frame containing portraits Of the
u police captains. After critically examining
u them, the paTson remarked: at is easy to tel
y criminals there is deprayity in every hne o
~ their countenances." The heoaptan in charge didn'
70 know whether to consider that criticism com
- pliment or to club the clerical connoisseur within
" an inch of his life.-- Commercial Advertiser.
h. THE Plainfeld IN. J.) Bulletin has this para
1T graph of interest to many people in Washington
OF " Mr. Walter Phillips, one of the widest know
n journalists and electricians in the country, ha
i leased the handsome property known as ken
~ sngton Villa" at the junction Of Konsington ave
sd nue. and Putnam street, and expects to bring hi
IN family hither from Washington early In May. MI
a. Phillips, who Ia at present the business manage
~ of the United Press association at No. 1857 Broad
a way, New York, was for ten years prominently
' connected with the Associated Press rst as prin
Na H. lnN. M.