Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-03-16
F. U n

MAKING UP TIME.-Half dozen rail-
road men were standing at the Union de-
pot lunch counter the other night, waiting
for train, drinking coffee and telling
stories about their experiences in railroad
ing. AneDgineer was making camel tracks
in half of pie. and between swallows he
was entertaining the boys about a fast run
he made one day between Milwaukee and
La Crosse, when the ''old man. was in a
hurry to get up there to see about the
bridge that was being built there. AS he
was describing how the engine and two
cars fairly blistered the rails between Por-
age andCamp Douglas, "a frightened-looking
man stepped up and asked for a cup of cof-
fee and some doughnuts, and while he was
soaking a doughnut in the coffee, he said
they didn't know anything about fast run
ming unless they had been on the Pennsyl-
vania road. The men asked him what he
knew about fast running. and he turned
out some coffee in a saucer, blew on iI to
cool. swallowed it, and said:
swell. just got here from the East.and
have witnessed railr0ading that KNOCKS
the socks off of anything that ever was
We started out of Jersey City one night
at sight O'Clock. and up this side Of Phila-
delphla there Was wreck ahead of us, and
we side tracked for six hours, and when
the track was clear we started. Well, sir,
that train flew, fairly flew. We didnt re-
alize in the car that we were going fast,
by any jar, for it was just as smooth as
pair of skates on smooth ice, but if man
went out on platform be could not
breathe. The niger started to bring
lunch from the hotel car into the car
was in, and while he crossed the platform
the coffee froze as stiff as ice cream
and man ate itwith spoon. "he niger
was afraid to 60 back into his Cal. land wait
ed till the train stopped at coal place
The conductor told me the train was going
faster than bullet. He said the engineer
often shot his revolver up the track ahead,
and the engine would oyertake the bullet
and flatten it against the smoke-stack.
Did you ever see a passenger train jump
right over freight train, when both were
in motion ?" asked the douohnut man. as
he filled his coffee cup up with milk.
''Oh, what are you giving us I' said the
engineer, as he loosened the leather belt
around mis- greasy overalls, and looked al
the man with disgust.
"Well, you don't have to believe it L
you don't want to, but 1 pledge you my
word our train jumped right over long
freight train ahead of US. We come up to
it, on straight track, and our engineer
signaled to the freight engineer to slow up
little, and the concuctor told US to keep
our seats. We had seen.the freight train
ahead on curve, and wondered why our
train did not stop. When the conductor
told us to keep our seats, asked him what
was the matter, and he said we were going
to jump freight, and if we moved around
We would jar the cars 50 they wouldn't be
so liable to hit the track ahead, when We
come down. Just then ( could feel the
train 20 into the air, and hear the Wheel
turn with no track under them, and in less
than ten seconds we began to descend and
I could hear the wheels On the track
again, and I looked back and the freight
engineer was waving his hat at Us. Why,
there was no more jar than there is in this
room now. OF course they wouldn't at
tempt to jump freight train on curve
or 10 tunnel and the man scratched
match on his pants. and lit cigar stub he
had been keeping. -Peck's Sun
Ingersoll says ''plug hats and suspenders
are needed in the South bsfore she will
make much Roadway, as no people who
wear SLOUGH hats and let their trousers
hang slovenly on their hips can ever be-
come civilized That's it. With the dan
ger of breaking bis suspenders and having
his 81 hat smashed staring him in the
face, man will be slow ab put going into
X fight Boston Post
Not long ago new member of Congress
was invited to dinner. He describes it
thus: There WASH t nothing on the table
when he got there but some forks and
spoons and bricky-brac. Presently they
brought in some soup. As didn't see
, nothin' else, I thought I'd eat all ths soup
that could, though soup is a mighty
poor dinner to invite Teller to-. So was
helped four times; and then. coma the
finest di lner ever sesd. aud there aot,''
gfoaned he, 'schuck full of soup"
A doctor is called in to prescribe for a
sick chilk child. and having examined the
patient writes prescription and leaves
instructions as to the treatment of the
little sufferer. On making his visit the
next morning the prince of science is sur
prised to find the household ia tears.
MY poor child! sobs the mother, II
never thought he would have died of
croup!r
.'Of croup?" echoes the doctor: ''do you
mean to say the child had the croup?-
Why didn't you tell me?"
An Indiana woman awoke in the night
and found her jaw dislocated. She had
evidently been lecturing Ler husband in
her sleep.
"Ab!'' sighed the husbandman. ''if
waggipg tongues were but wagon tongues,
how much better We should get on in this
world" ]