The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1883-11-07
WIT OF THE WEEK.

correspondent wishes us to tell him
how bad woman can feel" That de-
pends upon her sighs.
Women do not suffer as much as they
used to in old times, from contra ctiOn
of the chest. Just look at the size of
the Saratoga trunks.
An Ohio farmer who has barbed wire
fences, says he gets One-fOurth more
work out of his hired man than he used
to when he furnished top rail to sit
on.
A little child learning its tables was
heard to say, "Ten mills one cent-why,
If 1t takes ten mills to make a cent, 1t
must take several factories to make a
dollar"
VOltaire, speaking of law, says: 81
never was but twice in my life COM
pletely on the verge of ruin-first, when
l lost lawsuit; and second, when
gained one"
80, Henry, had such delightful
dream. dreamt had such love of a
bonnet sent me-" did you, my dear?
Isn't it singular that L had the night
mare, and dreamt l had to pay the bill"
The daughter of Texan cattle king
has just returned from Paris, where she
says she walked through the TOOTalOO-
the statutes of Physic and Cathrine de
Medicine.
After shutting up her house for some
time, woman used weak tincture of
iodine to stain herself and her children
brown, and then succeeded in cOnYinc-
ing all the neighbOrs that she had been
to the seashOre.
A Newport woman is trying to get
divorce from her husband on the ground
of bad treatment-he carried letter he
got out of the pOstoffice for her from one
Sunday until another before he thought
of giving 1T to her.
Two business men were talking of a
merchant who had failed heavily the
other day. 81 expected it," said one.
You know he has wife and six daugh-
ters, and 1t Will bankrupt any man to
buy fall bOnnets for that many women.
A professor who recently tried to mes
merize bull by gazing fixedly at the
ferOciOus beast, has just recovered from
the effects of his involuntary aerial
navigation, and has quite lost faith in
the power of the human eye over brutes.
When travelling on railroad it is said
that lying with the head toward the en-
gine will often cure headache. A more
effective remedy is to lie with the he Id
on the railroad track in front of the
engine. The latter recipe Is warranted
or the money refunded.
"If am not at home from the party
tonight at 10 O'clock" said husband to
his better and bigger half, don't wait
for me-" THAT l won't" replied the
lady significantly; 81 won't wait, but |
will come for you" The gentleman re-
turned at 10 o'clock promptly.
Teacher-JOhn, what are your boots
made OFF BOy-0f leather, sir. Teach
er-WheTe does the leather come from?
BOy-FTOm the hide of an OK. Teacher
What animal, therefore, furnishes
you with boots and shoes, and gives you
meat to eatP BOy-My father.
Curran was once asked how mem
ber of Parliament had spoken. The an
sweT was, "HiS speech was a long pa
renthesis." He was asked TO explain.
why" said he don't you know that a
parenthesis is paragraph that may be
omitted from beginning to end without
any loss of meaning?"
Together they were looking over the
paper. "Oh, my, how funny" said She
what is itP" he asked. "Why, here's
an advertisement that says mo reason
able offer refused" whats so odd
about that" Nothing, nothing" she
replied, trying to blush, "Only those are
had not taken the hint then and there,
and proposed, she would have hated him.
ETinley is an eccentric chap, and Of
ten does strange things-eminently phi
lOsOphical-but queer, you know. And
so it was that, upon becoming engaged
to be married, he presented to the young
lady ring, on the inside of which was
engraved the motto, "In time of peace
prepare for war"