National Republican., 1883-08-17
THE MAN ON THE AVENUE.
small TolE ABOUT MEN and Measures.

Small Talk About Dien and Measures.
young business man went over to Cape
May the other day, and on his return boasted
to his wife of tho humorous firtatlons he
had enjoyed with pretty girls at the Cape
lie spread on SO thick that the spouse did not
believe him. A day or two afterwards
dozen or moro letters came to the house in
response to an advertisement for desirable
summer boarding house on the sea shore.
"Hcro, sis," said tho young man, throwing
his better half portion Of tho mail, "sVe
what's in that batch"
She obodiently broke the seal Of the first
letter she put her hands on At the first
glance she turned pale, and her eyes ran down
the page. They began to blaze and her hands
to tremble. The song sho had been bltholy
singing died on her lips and her throat got
parched and dry. She read on to the end,
and thon exclaimed with an angry sneer, "a
thousand kisses Your little rosebud Maud"
Then she crurlpled the letter and threw it
iuto her husbands face "Thats from one of
your Cape May flames, suppose. You had
better 60 back there and see your rosebud"
The dismayed husband picked up the note
and discovered that 1t was ! ON woman,
and that she was addressing him throughout
in very familiar, not to say afectonate
manner, calling him "baby," darling" and
other pct names, and making frequent refer
cnces to Dime and meetings. He looked at
the signature and then ut the letter, and then
at his thoroughly enraged wife. 81 swear,
sis, don't know who this is from or what it
means. never saw the woman in my life"
"You needn't tell me that. Didn't you
boast of your conquests and /, like goose
thought you were fooling. l am going to my
mother right away" Here she broke down
sobbing.
Suddenly light dawned upon the hus.
bands distressed mind and irradated his coun-
tonance.ss lie slapped his knee and exclaimed;
"Now, have it. That letter is intended
for another fellow. 1t is for a member of the
Rifles who bears my name. 1t is all clear
now"
To his astonishment it wasn't all right, and
isis" wouldn't believe his most solemn pro-
testations of innocence. He was finally COM
PEELED to hunt up the lady killing Rifle, get
an introduction to him, tell him the whole
story, and ask for help. Rather than see n
happy household broken up the the Rifle con-
sented to the sacrifice and manfully acknowl-
edged in the presence of his namesake and
spouse that the amatory epistle had gone to
the wrong man. This satisfied the wife and
she surrendered, though with some show OF
reluctance.
Pashi Mulhatton Mohammed's discovery of
the ark in Mount Ararat, has drawn from a
local student of tho Scriptures the following
essay and reflections:
"Sacred history repeats itself as we'll 40
| T,, h. gsx nI,n ,.ncr ic
is stated that Noah secured the contract fc-
building the ark, and that he rugged it up in
style. The state rooms were hung with pic
lures by Raphael and Rubens, the floors were
covered with brussels and axminster
carpets, and turkish rugs wero lald
before each door. Chandeliers hung
pendent from the archcd ceiling, a
Knabe piano stood at the lower end of the
ladies' cabin, upon which Shem's wfe con-
tinually banged Life on the Ocean Wave
and tho animals fowls, insects, and reptiles
joined in the chorus every time while Ham
acted as steward and kept the pinnacle in
order. Japhet was officer of the watch, and
. while off duty passed his time in duplicating
his pay accounts. This thing went ON all
right until ono day a dove with moro energy
than discretion quit tho vessel and went
ashore, and returned with an olive branch.
Then the Jig was up. Noah destroyed his
library on seamanship and declared he would
never take to water again, and Immediately
kept his word. Ham upbraided the old m ~,
and was dreadfully cotored for the same, and
from said coloIing the white liners have made
much capital
"Now comes the sequel. They (B1oham.
mcdans) say that Mohammed has escaped from
his vault at Mecca and declares that the
world will be struck by plague and cyclone,
mixed, within the next one hundred and
forty years and completely dem lishod The
Palestine exploration funders have rccov-
cred from q tribe of guileless Bedouins ncac
t tho Jordan, pieces of skin proof slips, con-
tanning portions of Deuteronomy and
the Commandments, struck of SOC
years before the Christian era, and
the report now comes that an agent of Roach
or Cramp has discovered the ark in the fast
nesseB of Mount Ararat, and is preparing tc
set up the plea that the firm he represents
claims tho original contract saying that they
were swindled out of it by tho Noah ring
The agent says further that, with few mod,
ern improvements and little caulking and
4 holystonng of tho deck, the vessel will be
ready for the next universal overflow"
a"4
A visiting Baltimore sport remarked to {
S friend, in one of the hotel lobbies last even
ing, that in his city the short card fraternity
u was getting ready to reap harvest mex
month and during the winter. MEN will
;, gamble you know" he said. Might as wei
try to stop the motion of the sun as try Il
q stop gambling. 1t can't be done. Wher
" business men go away from home for few
s days to buy goods or have time, nine ou
of ten lay out few dollars or perhaps few
r, hundred dollars to play cards with and h
y spend in an inspection of the elephant. l
70 they can't be accommodated in one city the,
will 60 to another. Four-ffths of the sport
ut ing men who will attend your races this fal
~ will make Baltimore their headquarters, run
ming over every morning and back again il
the evening when the races are over. Gam
bling is not an unmiNed evil. 1t is possible
d that tho prevalence of gambling may have
demoralizing effect on young men, but youn
er men who fall a prey to this influence are goin
~ to be demoralized any way, and they might a
we'll go one way as another. know of sew
eral members of congress who have engaged
"a | ouarters in Baltimore for the winter AM