National Republican., 1883-09-07

But will join the temperance corps.
-0l CIu Derrick.
COP liver oil from selected livers is the
latest assuring advertisement.
JEALOUS editor in Dakota sneers that
King Alfonso's troops cheer him so much that
they have scarcely time to go to their meals.
The Bismarck Tribune says Motana maiden
married all editor go years old because he had
such high forehead. We may all be happy yet.
AN exchange says that watermelons are
good for thekidneys They attract the attention
from the invalid kidneys to the distorted stomach
for few hours, possibly
THERE ia q man in Mandan whose nerves
cannot endure the shock produced by the sound
Of church bell Hence he goes fishing every
Sunday. -Bsndrck Tribune.
"YEs," said the druggist 'I'm very sorry
gave Mr.. Snaggs the wrong dose 10y mistake and
he died. He's the second good customer I've
robbed myself Of in that way this year."-Boston
Post
A LIVING brainless baby is attracting a
good deal of attention from the doctors. Watch
his progress. Twenty years hence he will be hunt
ing the fierce anise bag at Newport.-Boson 7ran-
script.
A CONDUCTOR who applied at Boston rail-
way office for position was asked what expert
Il
two years down east packing sardines. - Cambr1d9
Tribune.
A FLOUR merchant in Rochester, Mimi,
sent his sweetheart barrel Of -four, and told hei
If she would bake batch of bread from IL hd
would marry her. She made o loaf yard long,
and knocked him down with 1t the next time he
called.
PITTsBURG Telegraph: As Chambord was
dying, his father confessor, raising his hand up
ward said, most impressively: Ascend to heaven
son Of st. Louis" This is the cruelest blow
Chicago has been called upon to stand for long.
long years.
NEW ORLEANS Picdyune: Nothing is for
gotten so quick rs grand jury report. The oys-
ter is looking remarkably we'll after Its vacation
by the end of the month q man can give his
straw hat to the poor Give the Indian vote
and he would soon hold the balance of pow-wow
in politics.
WELL sir, where do you work Samuel?"
inquired Chicago judge of a colored prisoner
yesterday. 81 work in bank sah." "What un-
der the sun is your position in bank?" Use
teller, sah." What bank is this you speak of,
and what are your duties tellerT' "Its AL
Hankins's ferry, au tells the gamblers that they
can find any sort o game they's spilin fur, sah."
Chicago Eye.
"I'LL have to fine you $5," said police
enness. Judge, you ought not to make me pay
IS. Why, you know me. keep summer resort
hotel near here, and you stopped with me
couple of weeks at the opening of the season."
"Oh, yes, remember you now. OF course I'll
not fine you S5y "Thank you. sir" "1ll only
fine you s1o."-"7he Whtrii9tg Of Time" BY Burch.
LOOK here, Pat" said real estate owner,
you've got to- move, or pay your rent" "Be
jabbers. I'll do naythur." "Well, III show YOU"
lnntt ha afth N, thatx
Brown!n'; lit ush raison awhile togither. AT yex
puth me out by lah, 1t will cost yez sikh dolers an
sixhty cints, an af yez move me out yersilf, 1t
will cost yez only foor dolers. Now, phat willy ye,
do?' The owner sent q team around and movet
him.-lferchant Traveller.
THERE is a gentleman in Columbus, Ga,
who exercises his dream power on every monthly
drawing Of the lottery. He says that he has
dreamed several numbers but has never been
able to get the number in that drawing He Is
confident that if he could get the one dreamed OF
that he would hit it. The Picayuns says this man
is wasting himself in dreams. He should play
policy and make his own combinatong. Dream
| ing at drawing and having no ticket is simply
| idiotic
| IN the lodge room Most Supremacy Utter
Grand Khedive-"T The Entirely Supreme Grand
Navigator will proceed, according to the ritual of
our Intensely Obsolete order, to inform the In
| tShacly ouulihlS Ohler Ludb Iu0 COnClaVe IL
assembled for the purpose of initiating novices in
| the dread mysteries of our work." Entirely Su-
! preme Grand Navigator to the Intensely Sublime
| Grand Usher in the ante room" Como on Jim,
with the kids. They are ready for you in there"
Boston Transcript.
AN exchange gives this rather striking
"object lesson" for the benefit of young inuuir-
| ers: "Tennyson can take worthless sheet of
paper, and by writing poem on 1t make 1t worth
| n,ott ,n,,t,, Ua.1
few words on sheet and make II worth S. 900 900.
| That's capital. The United States can take an
ounce and q quarter of gold and stamp upon Il an
eagle bird and 500. That's money The me-
chanic can take the material worth IS and mako
1t into watch worth 500. That's skill. The
merchant can take an article worth 25 cents and
| sell 1t for ST. That's business. A lady can pur.
chase very comfortable bonnet for $40, but she
prefers 10 pay 500. That's foolshness The
ditch digger works ten hours a day and shoVels
out three or four tons Of earth for S2, That's Ia
bor"
II was somewhat q painful surprise to see
| that our highly esteemed contemporary, the New
York Sun, court journal of New York Newport
&C., &c, gave place in Its usually courteous and
deferential columns to spiteful and treasonous
letter from Rome, wherein not only was the royal
moustache of his majesty. King Humbert of Italy,
disrespectfully mentioned as decidedly callow,"
and her majesty the queen criticised for her 'sa-
low skin" and "fearfully prosaic face" but the
prince and princesses were set down as "royal
Italian brats." In view of the recent bitterness
exhibited by France ODonovan Rosa, and other
great powers toward Italy, It has been surmised
that the significance of this departure from imme-
mortal precedent is that our esteemed contem.
porary has been prevailed upon to join the con-
gress of said powers against Italy, but from cer-
tain facts which cannot now be published, we are
enabled to say that it is only the result of quiet
but ingrowing conviction which has troubled Mr..
Dana of late, to the effect that the republican
party must Collie :
EDWIN Booth frankly admits that Henry
Irving has far more patience than he ever could
master in drilling his company of actors or ao-
tresses-something we can all readily believe as
we recall the atrocious support usually given Mr.
Booth on our American stage. Irving" says
Booth, "is despotc on his stage, commanding all
points with an understanding that his will Is alb
solute law that is not TO be disputed, whether 1t
concerns the entry OF mere messenger who bears
letter or whether 1t is the reading of
an important line by Miss Terry. From first to
last he rules his stage with iron WILL but as an
Offset to this he displays patience that is mar
velous. At rehearsal he will sit upon the stage
among his players, watching every movement and
listening to every word, and instantly stopping
any one-Mss Terry as readily as the messenger
who does not do exactly tight. Mr. Irving