Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-09-17

All dogs have their daze when hit with
club.
You can not count votes honestly by
elect trick light.
A man with water on the brain should
wear plug hat.
We are happy to know, dear reader,
that . will always be in ''luck."
Watering the stock of leather making
concern is new form of hide-raulics.
Soap was first mentioned by Pliny,
which proves that it's an historical Tyre
While her mother was taking fly out
of the butter, little Daisy asked s'Is
that a butterfly, mamma ?"
"What is pride, my SOM" said gen.
tleman to his little boy. ';Walking with
a cane when you amt lame,' he said.
A V spent in Watermelons will W up.
z the point ?-ROchester Express Post
A very d joke.-Elmira Gazette.
People say the breakers at the seashore
are not as high as they used to be. That
depends upon the kind of breakers, Land
lords are just as high.
Spa, rogues always fall out at night. y
cat night? How do you know that p
because, pa, when rogues fall out hon.
est men get their dews.
A gallant railroad engineer met girl
in the morning, courted her all day and
in the evening married her. That was 9
| sort Of locomotive spark.
1t is now certain that the wreck found
on Mount Ararat is the remains of Noah's
ark. They know it by the grease marx
in the bunk where Ham was slowed.
| Fish have been so very plenty at the
beaches this season that amateur fisher
men have been obliged to do very littl,
lying, compared with previous years.
Telegraph official to new linemen-
''Here, you, that last operator we en-
gagged don't even know the alphabet. G.
out and cut the wire he was working on
When the dude said to the shoemaker
'sYou will be certain to make my shoe
of calf-skin,'' the reply was, Certainly
I shouldn't think of using any other ma
terial for you.'
Some thoughtless fellow has remarke
that no man with any sentiment will kis
girl by telephone. Why shouldn't
man transmit her proof of his affectio
if the receiver is willing?
The high school girl severely repri
manded her brother yesterday for usin
the phrase mot to be sneeZed at" Sh
says he ought to say, 'soccasioning N
sternutatory convulsions.''
Lady Cartaret, wife of the lord lieuter
ant of Ireland, one day remarked to Dea
Swift, ''The air of your country is e1
cellent.'' Swift Immediately fell dow
on his knees, and exclaimed 'sFor hes
ven's sake, madame, don't say so in Ems
land, or they'll lay tax on it !''
'Maria," observed Mr.. Halcomb, as b
was putting on his clothes, there ain
no patch on them breeches yet" ssI can
fix it now nohow am too busy" 'sWe
give me the patch, then, and I'll carry
around with me. don't want people t
think can't afford the cloth.'
A backwoodsman got on the train tt
other day. Right in front of him sat
bald-headed old gentleman who kept pc
sistently scratching the lower parts
his head. At length the old hunter cou
stand it no longer. Leaning forward
whispered hoarsely, ssDriye 'em up I'M
the clearin'!'
saw you at the funeral the other day
said one lady to another yesterday.
eyes, saw you, too"
"How natural the corpse looked ?''
'sJust like marble
sI never heard more affecting fune1
sermon; did you ?"
ssNever. And just think of it, VIII
everybody was crying I reached for 1
handkerchief and found to my horre
/ that it was red one had in my pocke
: Goodness What did you do %
ssWhy, I didn't cry. How could VIII
J every one else in the church was usi
white
good Eaptst clergyman OF Bergen. N. Y.
strong temperance man, suffered with kidney trou
e neuralgia and dizziness almost to blindness over
ps years after be told that Hop Bt.ers would c
or him, because he afraid of and preudiced aga