National Republican., 1883-05-10

Alasl none of these. Now prepare for shock,
dear:
The Joy to drink deep Of in spring. time is
Book Beer"
-commercid, Advertiser.
HEMP is worth So per hundred at Lexing-
ton, Ky. The Commercial Advertiser thinks this
may be one reason why so few murderers are
hanged.
The latest Paris colors are "rotten goose-
berry, "decayed orange" faded rose" and
grocers blue the latter being the color Of the
piue paper In which sugar is wrapped
The man who blows out the gas upop re-
urins is declared by tho Commercial Advertiser to
DO hlher to the boy who tries to ignite his
cigarette by touching it to an electric light.
MYRoN II. WHITNEY, the great basso, is
sald TO have begun life as a stone cutter. Boito,
VINO promises to be the greatest tenor of the
world, was taken from n position in livery
stable to be educated for the stage
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN considered the tur-
KEY much nobler and more suitable bird for a
national emblem than the eagle. The earle he
sald, was theif, bully, and coward; the tur.
key was a useful bird, and never hestated To
a'teck the red coats courageously."
The Boston Post asserts that out in Ken.
lucky when they wish to raise the price of land in
u
Whereupon the Louisville Courier Journal retorts
this Immediately brings on big colony from Mas,
SachuSetS and business at once begins.
NEW song is entitled Brothers Hair
was Cut by Mother" II is companion piece To
that soul stirring hymn called "Fathers Pants
WIZ soon be Brothers" "Leaninglon my Brothers
breath, sisters Teeth are Plugged with Znc.p
ana the other familiar family ballads.
1T issaid that when William Ii. Vanderbilt
sailed for Europe ho took letters of credit with him
ior el,OOO,OOO. Some one asked him loosely what
ne INTENDED to do with SO much money. "Itis
the custom on the other sde," responded Mr.. Van.
oeroiit soberiy, ITO foe walters aud attendants"
GEM from new Chicago romance: Once
again the venerable administrator pressed bis Inns
reverently to the young girls forehead, and as he
,eu ner 10 the door OF the old mansion and again
Kissed her goodby, he muttered to himself; "I
guess 1t will be no harm TO sink another 81 600 Of
her money In my little wheat speculation"
In Webster Parish, La, club of fourteen.
year-old boys has been formed to compete with
one another in the cultivation of one acre of corn
each. The lad who produces the largest crop of
corn on his acre Ia TO receive five bushels OF corn
from each OF tho other members of the club
Young ladies who arc devoting their time and en-.
ergies to the broom drill will please cut this out
and paste 1t on their dust pans.
ACCORDING to California paper Cinnamon
who deal in unstamped cigars have dropped ON a
new dodge. They paste pieces OF red pepper aud
some fish scales on their faces, and, when brought
before the court begin to scratch off the scales
Then somebody yells "a leperp and the Judge
holds up his hands in horror, saying: "The de.
ieidant Is not guilty; get out of here, John as
quick as tho Lord will let your
OLD four eyes got of a sharp retort yester-
day. While selling some pigs at auction bidder.
who was very anxious to have pig knocked
down to him. called out: at takes YOU long
time To sell pig. Hurry up and be done with ~
Quick as lightning Dennison replied: at takes
longer to sell pig than hog; and II you don't
believe 1t, get into pen and I'll show you.--
Wichita Times.
Il SAY, Jim, what are you doing there with
those cards?" observed gentleman to his col.
ored gardener II is doin' some tricks" "Giye
mea little evidence Of your ability" said the
gentleman. Thereupon the colored man shufied
up the cards in true magician STYLE and performed
some very clever work with them. The gentle.
man dropped quarter into the mans hand and
| said to him: " Jim you are quite juggler." Oh.
no, massa, am only negro man, sir."-Pret=ers
| Weekly
LET me congratulate you," said one
brokers' clerk to another across the lunch table
| the other day. ION what % "Why, rumor saws
"Well,l dunno-I rather think not" Is the en-.
| gagement ONT" "Yes, rather off, loved her aud
shesgot tho money, but couldn't see no earthly
way of buying wedding suit, paying the clergy.
man, and footing the expenses for two or three
days, or until felt well enough acquainted to ask
| her Tor loan OF couple OF hundred p'-Erchdnoe
LOOK heah boss" said negro prisoner
70 the Jailer, i doan think IT'S right ter put us
| members OBJ de church in heah wild desc sinnors
Heah is long side OBJ man what neber 'fessed
ligion. 1t amt right, an dar oughter be a law
| put in force agin It," "You we're put in here for
stealing COW, 1 believe" said the jailer ".Dat
amt de pint It amt right ter make me 'socate
wild dc unrejubernated." "well, worry along
with the sinners week or 80, and wen send
you to the penitentiary, where the society is bet.
ter."-Prtson Record.
WHAT, the paper gone again |" exclaimed
| Col. Blacus. "Its been three weeks since had
chance to read that paper, and unless there Ia
reform soon somebody's going to feel uncomfort-
able. Sarah," to the colored cook, "have you
seen anything Of the morning paper?" "what
| paper, boss?" "The paper that's thrown on the
gallery every morning" "Is dat dc ole paper yer's
maxim sich fuss about? Use been klnlin de fire
| wild dat paper fur doan know how long. Why
didn you tell me not to tech dc trash lyin' roun'
! de house."-ArkansatO 1Favsier.
Miss CARRIE SwEARINGEN had a narrow
escape from terrible death at Monticello, Mimi,
a few evenings ago. She was holding a little
coral ring in her teeth when 1t slipped and lodged
in her throat and despite all her efforts abe could
not dislodge It, Growing faint and her breath.
| ing becoming so impeded, she summoned help
The family being unable TO relieve her. physicIans
were called in, and after severe struggle the un-
| ruly ring was disloged. Had 1t been anything
but ring tho result would have been far diff
| ferent," says the St. Paul Pioneer. Press GOOD.
| ness gracousp' says the Commercial Advertiser
"supposing 1t had been mouse?'
THEY were an old couple coming east by
| the Michigan Central When the brakeman an
nounced. "AIarshall-twenty minutes for dinner 70
| they both left the car and entered the eating.
house. They had scarcely seated themselves at
the table when the husband took out his old
fashioned bulls-eye watch, squinted at the time,
and passed 1t TO his wife, with the remark: Now
I'll eat and you hold the watch, and II we get LEFT
it'll all be your fault. Sing out at the end Of
eighteen minits" And the good -natured old wife
sat there, without eating mouthful, and timed
him while he pitchforked everything within
reach into his stonach.-Letrou Free Press.
JOHN A. STEVENS, the sensational actor
| who hrst produced" the Henry kiss, says he
has new idea for the stage next season, which
he win develop in a play called "Her Second
Love-" 1t is an emotional drama of Russian life.
and the one point of the play is that the leading
lady is to exhibit herself as the most beautifu
| woman in St Petersburg I'm order 10 save har