davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

1.-THE reason you were not elected, my
dear, was because you did not look at the
moon over your left shoulder" said the
superstitious wife of defeated AUSTIN
candidate to her husband. That's all
YOU know about American politics. /
might have got down on all tours ana
looked backwards between my legs at the
moon for two solid hours and 1t would not
done me any good. | ought to have chaF-
tered another saloon and hired man 70
stufr the ballot-boX"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

While a colored man and his family were
engaged in prayer, Kettle OF water reiI
over and scalded the old mans wlie. Inc
woman rose with "scuffiing" alacrity and
howled. The old man slowly arose, and
casting on his wife contemptuous glanSe
said CANT yer got no respect fur de
Lawd? Amt yer got no noah humilla-
ton den ter howl when Use hsndin up peti.
tions?" al doan mean to insult de Lawd,
yelled the old woman, but when pot OF
bilin' water falls on me, it doan make no
difference ef Use gwine through de gate OF
de New Drusalem, Use gwine ter squat;
does yer heah meT
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08
PA,Ns IN THE BACK.

What theg medn-Hon cured.-A poign-
ant pressing pain in the "small Of the
back" is a dangerous symptom. 1t means
approaching kidney troubles - possibly
Bright's Disease. 1t should not be neg
lected-not day, not an hour. Fortunate
" these symptoms are easily cured. Hunts
Remedy, the great kidney and liver medi-
cine, is an absolute and unfailing specinc
for them, and for any diseases of the Kid
news, bladder, liver and urinary organs.
A single bottle of Hunts Remedy has many
times saved q life.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08
A CARD.

To all who are suffering from the errors
and indiscretions OF youth, nervous weak
ness, early decay, loss of manhood, etc,
will send a recipe that will cure you' FREE
OF CHARGE. This great remedy was DIS
covered by a missionary in South America
Send self-addressed envelope TO the Kew
Joseph I. Inman, Station ID, N. T. CITY
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

A neighbor of ours lost valuable mare
recently, 1t Is supposed from bots. II he
had used % cents worth OF ShertddRS
Cdralry Condition PO,cders, he would have
been driving his pretty chestnut to-
day. Sorry for you, doctor Those pow
ders are immensely valuable.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

First dude, with an embarrassed smile
-"Say, Augustus, | really believe have
broken a corset lacing. Have you an eI-
ira one with your" Second due, with an
expression of horror" Really! why, Al
gernon. where could you fix it II | had
one? The gyurls are all looking at u, We
tnnw
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

Chapped hands. A few drops OF JOhn.
sons Anodyne LinimeRt rubbed into the
hands occasionally will keep them soft and
free from soreness. Soldiers, sailors and
fishermen should remember this. II is
the best Liuiment In the world for any
purpose.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

At Irkutsh, Siberia, they sell milk by the
block, each block having stick frozen IN
TO 1t for convenience In carrying. You
can get milk with a stick in 1t in this coun-
try, but the stick does not always maze II
easier to carry. 1t often has an eifectdirect
ly to the contrary.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

st. Louis lawyers say "dirty puppy"
To each other in court. The proceeding,
however, is generally disapproved, for it
ia considered ridiculous for lawyers to tell
the truth.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08
Happy AID HUNGRY.

For over five years was constant SUI
ferer with that most terrible and annoying
disease, dyspepsia. After paying out hun,
dreds OF dollars, the only medicine FOUND
that would 10 me any good was sulphur
Bitters. Six bottles cured me. Now
can eat well and am happy and hungry
Editor.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

Many ladies admire gray hair-on some
other persons. But few care TO try It's ell
feet on their own charms. Nor need they
since Ayers Hair Vigor prevents the hair
from turning gray, and restores gray hair
to its original color. 1t cleanses the scalp,
prevents the formation Of dandruf, and
wonderfully stimulates the growth OF the
hair
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

We call the attention OF our lady readers
20 the advertisement in our columns OF
James Pyle's Pearline, for laundry and
kitchen purposes. An article so popular
and widely circulated, must possess mer-
its that commend II to the favor OF house
kaanar
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

A Jockey met his old college tutor at a
horse fair, and exclaimed: What brings
you here among these high-bred cattleE
DO you think you can distinguish horse
from an ASST" my boy" replied the tu-
tor, 81 soon perceived you among these
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

American born artists can paint and
draw equally as well as those of other
countries. but after all, what can draw
like an American dog e ght!
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

4 cockey was recently asked 70 join the
Appalachian Club. His answer was Bet
ter endure the hills we have than fly TO 9th
ers that we know not OF"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

The profits on the sale or Arthur Sulli-
vans " Lost Chord" have reached SOD,
900. By 81. Cecilia, aud had we a chance,
We would lose whole woodward for half
the money.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

Kansas City genius has succeeded in
making q glass eye SD perfect, that an al
sent-minded customer, on Accidentally put
ting IL on wrong side out, was enabled 10
discover his inmost thoughts.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

That poor bedridien, invalid wife, sister,
mother, or daughter, can be made the pic
ture OF health by few bottles Of Hop Bit
tiers. IgW yoW let them suffer- when 50
easily cured.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

nS~No woman really practices economy
unless she uses Diamond Dyes. Many
dollars eau be saved every year. Ask the
druggist.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08
Nj wArLEvA>ssy,

4 few mouths ago was taken down with a
severe ,icAuc.,. which confined I' O. The house
quite I,a. ,.-le. ,.J much q tls t..1, SIS 80
yery lame IS 20 De unable O. ua.A. aul my lcf;
le, from theh.p @. tlct toes. became monstrously
swollen. ans suffered extremely from the con-
slant intense pains produced by s' -syst 'HdaIn-
nation. was irving the various so-ca.ltd cures,
Al the time and was under tAr treatment %
physician seven weeks. but getting 20 substantial
relief. AT this j.lur ar oil time friend, police
oHcer. called uron ne. and during our converse
ton informed me vf tA' g-ea, benefit which hc
hal Obtained by the ace o. Hunts Remedy. and
urged me o. tsy &C.. as De cog, j,ged 10 a wouder-
ful medicine. commenced taking Hunts Rem
eiy. HAVING very little faith that 10 would 10
much IN such q stubborn ease rs mine. but my
doubt was soon d.,Ic.led. fog before ! had taken
one bottle began o. 20 better, the severe pains
disappeared the swollen leg gradually decreased
in size. AMI ! was encouraged 60 continue the use
% the Remedy. and the improvement; 70 my
health cou;inucs my appetite is good have re-
gained my strength. aHi am roa performing
asain my duties as Waterman 40 the foundry.
Every night 20 up AMI down stairs more than
one hundred times. and am 90 good condition.
and feel that my recovery is due Co Hunts REM
e,lv alone Nv severe sicknJs, and terribly
swollen le- was caused ly The diseased state Of
my kidneys. and think TIA, % s. most valuable
medicine that viii 80 speedily relieve and cure
such a severe case a. mine ] therefore most
eheerfully recommend Hunts Remedy to all
afflicted with Kidney Diseases. as I know 1t 10 b
safe and reliable remedy"
PRovIDESCE, Dee. 5. lSs2"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

An Irishman wrote thus TO the wife of 4
sick brother "If jamie Isn't dead yet, re-
moind him OF the twinty shilllugs he owes
me on the pigs; and II he is, tell him not
to give himself any consarrun about II y!
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

4 fashion paper says sleeves have al
most disappeared from evening dresses.
No reference is probably intended to coat
sleeves 10 the dizzy waltz.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

Happiness Sure. No home il complete,
aud happiness cannot he there without 4
bottle OF the Relief Ljniaent on md.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

Do YOU feel broken DOWN. Try Wheat
Bitters, and jump for JOY. They will re-
store you.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

I'm always getting things mixed" as
the man said who had hash set before him
thirteen times q week.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08
PrtCC ~ 'ts. (nruggtsrs). Hy mall, 20
cts. prepaid. Three BOTTLES So.
From the many City Testimonials we
Give Few.

e. Artff.A's~ GU Red NG
Ofda-. lruT AT hgrn 'r p. g. NJ Al, NJ. u.
II cu-,l pa of DtndruI. Il. z :. GOULD.
Aplts,carv. r g ..~ Mv.,'- and CCn-re-- streets
Is -sl-s lra.- lts popularity, yUPPl klSS
MANA ALDEN. ufu-yi-;-.
It is trruEing uu- q grul growth OF hair " here
Twas bad. {. 4. PARSONS, (Dry-si-t' GEO, Z.
REAR>k, +. a. n AMLlN GARDINER VI PAR
KEE J. y LANpER.
Know u irs curing rSc've OF nv customers OF
SaEtUs--. daldrud. a., + - SIM RS Barbe
4. Lac cured number CT my customers Of the
above dIses-s-, JOIN T.. VEL II, E'roer.
,s.-.- -tftug ever u-vt !lr tue ladies toilet,
I f.t. measure !1 rsr'um~ntirg 90, Mss Il. L.
ROGEAS HELM u. HIGGINS ard usnv others
r..ru-sr yyur hair dressing, thiuS l. has all
the -.t.ft- vcu claim Tor N on your c.rcu. AEs
jobs &. PROC TER ESQ.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

AT q coin sale at Philadelphia, last
Friday. one man wanted five cent piece
of 1904 badly enough to pay four hundred
dollars for It,
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08

The Venus de ldedieine Lydia
Pinkham.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08
Our w.fchful Guardian and faithful =
,.-tor rc.tor,.i 70 active, ,lutv AGAIN

teCtor restored TO active duty again.
Mr.. HESRY A. WATERMAN, q the city Of
Providence Il. L. for many years the faithful
an viyiiaut night Waterman Of the Barstow
Stove Company very extensive establishment,
having been confined b, AIS home several weeks
byayery distressing Illness. on rcsum!ug his du-
ties again avail, himself OF this early cpPoEtu-
u.Jy Tor stating briefly few plain facts.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-05-08
From the Port AMI Daily Advertiser.
CapiIIariS!
Wanted.

1000 oa o.n 20 f heir % hair mr. t aoao i'd
win dsrIruG o. uumor. those thgt have bccn u n
able @, gc, cared, anil I will cure thefG with
cauIla~is tor Eve dOlars or nothing. No
nav r,qIIrri until All Of the above cures
are maze. I challenge sny person in the city
OF Portland, 10 produce a case that can
not rurc, unless the roots s~c entirely dead,
which TO, tn- case IN more % ~ one ease In ten
snd vet thry NAV have been bald for years Any
one t--s.r- t-pliii-ri-" cannot Doe hum5uSged ,
a. 10 htz no equal tor hair dressing AMI 10 worta
TIE prize Of mfr tina; purPo-e. Two 0r three
bof; es will make sil OF The above cares. Never
the,es-. ". tHsqk -kcr,cal and Ircre',ulous PER.
sons THAT ar cu-ri - al the above diseases and
their bsir Tr-tuTet. ought 70 q willing 10 pay q
after tI.g result d. rIru 20 d. accomplished.
T.HtLL VI NN~FlEJD, Prop'r,
L.DL-m.L-L R--ck Pol..and. Maine.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30
Potato Seed.

selected five smooth potatoes of good
size, says New Hampshire correspond
ent of the American Culti0dtor, and cut
them into three or four pieces. then
selected some about the size of a walnut.
These were taken from my pile of pota
toes intended for the hogs. planted
one row with the cut potatoes and the
next row with small whole ones, and so
on, until had planted ten rows, five of
each. treated them as nearly alike as
l could, and felt sure that the cut pota-
toes would yield the best crop. But at
digging time, to my surprise, | found
nearly one-fifth more of marketable pota-
toes in the rows planted with the small
whole potatoes than in those planted
with the pieces of large potatoes.
have concluded that there is something
more for me to learn about planting po-
tatoes, and l intend next year to make a
more complete test on larger scale.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30

The peach, says Mr.. J. l.. Loyett, re-
quires warm, dry soil that is but mod
erately rich in fertility, but as it is a
great feeder and draws heavily upon the
soil, especially of potash, nutrimcnt
should be furnished in the form of pot
ash and bonedust. The trees may be
planted fifteen or twenty feet apart each
way, according to the character of the
soil-thc usual distance being sixteen or
eighteen feet. The best way to mark
out the ground for planting is to fur
row it with a one-horse p!ow both ways
at the desired distance. In planting, be
careful to cut of all bruised or broken
roots smoothly, and trim back all side
branches to within few inches of the
main stem-small ones to whip-and
cut back the main stem at least one
third its length. The first two years
after planting bects, mangeis, sweet po-
toes, or other hOed crops may be grown
among the trees, after which time they
should be given the full use of the soil !;
whether the space between the trees be
devoted to hoed crops or not, the soil
then and in after years should be kept
always as mellow and as free of weeds
throughout as llelu Oh corn, being care
full never to disturb or iniure the roots
while cultivating. A peach orchard
should never be planted to grass Or grain
crops, as such are exceedingly detri-
mental to the trees. The peach is more
generally neglected than other fruit, and
yet there is none that more literally pays
for the necessary labor and exp, nse both
in the superior yield of the fruit and by
maintaining vigor and fruitfulness. The
trees should be examined carefully early
in the spring of each year for borers and
grubs, which may be found in their
trunks just at or Immediately beneath
the surface of the ground. AS pre-
ventive of the borer, place at the butt of
each tree a shovelful of slack d lime or
several of coal ashes.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30
He Carried Matches.

The Pittsburg PENN Dispatch says
that man of letters was smoking and
chatting with physician on a Hudson
river ferry-boat, when II stranger stepped
up and asked for light. - Let me give
you match, replied the man of letters,
adding after his petitioner had with
drawn: II don't know how you feel
about it, doctor, but for my part | very
much dislike toput the end Of my cigar
back into my mouth after it has been
fingered by Tom, Dick, or Harry.
always carry matches with me, and make
it point to offer one of them instead"
And quite right you are, - said the
doctor. Il believe TINT some of the
worst diseases can be conveyed by one
man to another through the contact of
his fingers with a borrowed cigar.
personally know of case where varioloid
was transmitted by means of So bill.
and l firmly believe that varioloid and
things much worse can pass from mans
fingers into cigar, and thence into the
smoker of it.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

Somebody says lager beer is Teutonic.
Bill-collecting is easier said than
"dun."
Why is great bore like bee2 Both
appear best when leaving
It's much easier to lay plans than it is
to hatch hem.-SprinGfeld Necs.
"Truth crushed to earth will rise
again provided the yeast is not sour.
-Teras SVtings.
What is the difference between the
North and South Pole All the differ
ence in the world.
Bob Ingersoll's middle name is Green.
Perhaps that's the reason he thinks he
will never burn.-Ne'o York Joulnal
The difference between advertising
and advertiser is, the former always pays
VIII lie the latter sometimes does not
"i'm down to bed rock" said Pitts
burg husband rs he swayed the cradle
containing his bowling son and heir.
-Putsburg Telegraph.
The Washington milkmen are not al
lowed to ring bells, as they disturb the
slumbers of the policemen. They might
be allowed to use dumb bells - .Sacannah
AeHs.
No sir my daughter can never be
yours" 81 don't want her to be my
daughter" broke in the young ardent.
4" want her to be my wife. "-Nen York
Commercial.
The Connecticut boy who has third
arm growing out of the back will be able
to scratch himself between the shoulder
blades without resorting to the corLer of
a building.
Professor of chemistry: 1.-The sub
stance you see in this vial is the most
deadly of all poisons. A single drop
placed on the tongue of Il cat is enough
to kill the strongest man.
1--WE have struck smoother road,
haven't we r asked passenger of CON
ductor on an Arkansaw railway. "No,"
replied the conductor, ''we have only run
off the track. "-ArIunsato Tiureler.
1t is estimated that over 600. 900 tons
of paper are made in this country every
year, and yet the man who shaves him
self has to hunt around for over fifteen
minutes before he can find piece that
he dare wipe his lather upon.
" Oh, no, l don't object to the quality
of your butter" said the customer to the
grocer cts not that, but my wife
complains that there isn't enough hair in
it to make respectable switch, but a
good deal too much to make it palata-
BILE"
The newspaper foreman got marriage
notice among lot of items headed
"Horrors of 1888" and the Norristown
Uerad says: When the editor learned
that the groom's income was only seven
dollars week, he said it had better re-
main under that head.
"Oh, I'm real glad to see you, Ciccly,
dear. Pm puzzled to know what to give
Charles for a Christmas present" Has
he proposed yet 2" why, no What's
that to do with Christmas present p
"Oh, nothing. Only I'm having plaster
cast of my hand made for George Per-
haps he will take hint, you know"
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30
Epeaves.

The heaves is an affection of the lungs
and occasionally of the heart as well,
through the lungs. 1t is a nervous dis
ORDER which affects one of the principal
nerves of the body, the pneumogastric,
which controls the digestive and breath
ing organs, so that the disorder may have
its seat in the stomach or in the lungs, or
both, or in the nervous system. 1t is ac-
companlcd by violent action of the lungs,
which causes heaving of the TANKS for
short time and by spasms, or when the
horse is worked hard or run quickly. The
usual remedy is to relieve the stomach by
feeding lightly with highly nutritious
food, to give no dry feed and to keep
the system open by proper medicine
Also, to relieve all pressure on the throat
or neck; provide ample ventilation in the
stable, and keep the air pure; and, further
to give water only in small quantities and
never soon after feeding .-Neeo York.
Times
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30
NORRIS & IRELAND,
BOSTON MASS.


ii is Il fact not generally known tha. the
James Boss Gold Watch Gases really cor
tain more pure gold than many solid"
gold cases The demand for these watch
cases has led to the manufacture ct Il ycry
poor grade Of solid gold watch cases-
low in quality, and deficient in quantity.
These cases are made from A to 10 karats
and a or Is karat case IS often sold Tor Il
or Ii karats. 1t is NOT economy TO by L
watch case SO poor in quality that it viii
soon lose its color, or one so soft that it viii
lose its shape and fail to shut tight this
letting in dust and damaging the works, or
one SO thin that slight blow will break
the crystal, and perhaps the movement.
1t Is economy to buy a James Boss Gold
Watch Case, in which NONE of these things
ever occur. This watch case is not an expert
meat-it has been made nearly thirty uecrs.
HAZLEroS. PA, Oct q, 1859.
sold two James Boss Gold Watch Cases thirty
years ago when they first came out and they are in
good condition yet. One of them is carried by a
carpenter, Mr.. L. W. Drake, of Hazeton, and only
shows the wear in one or two places; the other 10y
Mr.. Bowman, Of Cunningham, Pa; and can pro-
duce one or both Of these cases At any time.
SYLVESTER ENGLE. Jereier.
Send cent stamp TO Keystone Watch Case Factories PhiIa
dslpha Pa, for handsome illustrated Pamphlet showing how
James Boss and Keystone Watch Casss made.
ITO be Continued.)
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30
To Keep Hogs Healthy.

Keep your hogs in good, clean
fields; give them access to pure water
even though you should be compelled
to dig a well for that purpose-a good
pump and plenty of suitable troughs,
cleansed every week, will cost but little,
and will always prove valuable outlay
Provide, also, in the dryest part of the
field, good shelter both from sun and
rain. Il few rails properly arranged
two or three feet from the ground, COW
cred with stack of straw or coarse
prairie grass, will be an attractive place
for the entire drove. In troughs near by
their resting places, two or three times
each week place a composition of salt,
soda, red pepper and ginger. To four
parts of the first two articles add one
part of the latter. Our common red
pepper will do very well. They should,
however, be well pulycrizcd, and all
the ingredients thoroughly mixed. Most
healthy animals will readily devour salt.
To obtain it they will also take the alkali
and stimulent. The compound will not
injure bird, beast, fish or man. 1t is not
offered as patent remedy, but simply
as a preventative of the injurious effects
of foul gases and the pestiferous filth
in which hogs have been allowed to
wallow. Continue their usual summer
feed, whether clover, bran, meal or corn.
--Dr0Cers' Journal
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-11-30

second or third class butter fro the
other. Another important point itthe
skill of the skinner. Only cream should
be taken off the milk, and not partiae
of skim milk with it, if you can avoidM.
Every drop of milk contains certain
proportion of curd-that is to say, I'M
made cheese; and this curd gives that
rank flavor and strong taste which are
characteristic of bad butter. Now, if we
follow the cream, taken carefully
off the milk after twelve or twehty-four
hours standing according to the
temperature, let it be put into perfectly
clean jar, well closed, and kept in a cool
place Tree from bad smells. The cream
taken off the next day in the same man
ner may be added to it. and so on, and
the small farmer need not churn more
than once or twice week, and will make
excellent butter if he takes care thus to
get his raw material-the cream-per-
fectly pure and sweet to begin with
Many people will tell you that you ought
to churn the cream while it is still sweet
My opinion is contrary to that dictum
and base it on my experience of the
dairy practice in foreign countries es-
pccially Normandy and Denmark. In
Normandy most of the farms are very
small and butter is made once or twice
a week, the cream being skinned sweet
and afterward ripened, as just described.
In Denmark, on the other hand, the
dairy farms arc generally very large, say
from fifty to two or three hundred milk
ing cows, yet even on those farms the
sweet cream is carefully ripencd before
it is churned. Now, as Normandy sends
us the best fresh butter, and Denmark
sends us the best keeping butter, it is
quite obvious that up to the present point
the process of manufacture is the same
in both cases. Let me formulate it: The
cream must be skinned while it is per
fectly sweet; it must contain no skim
milk. and it must be ripened before it is
churned.n