New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-10-17

can throw such 4 gloom over q fu-
neral that the corpse will be quite for
gotten.
A Pennsylvania clergyman is pitch
er in baseball nine. His gestures
sometimes make the congregation duck
their heads.-Burzingt0n Free Press.
A fire in this city on Saturday and
the failure Of a pigeon race in the East,
both resulted from the same cause a
detective Aue.-Pittsburg Despatch.
Is it dude? Yes, it is a dude. Was
it always that way? Yes, natural born.
What does it do for q living? 1t breathes
dear; don't disturb it.
Punch defines the difference between
pitchfork and q tuning fork: One is
used to make hay with, and the other
to make A with.
A New York man was fined $500 for
giving tobacco to giraffe in Central
Park. But they wouldn't fine him a
centif he only gave whisky to a boy.
''Now that have got my hay in,"
said the relieved farmer, Il think the
world would be greatly better for a
good shower.-Boston Globe.
The telephone is said to be popular
in Colorado, for with it q man may con-
verse with another and occasionally
reach around to his hip pocket for his
tobacco without being shot.
In several female colleges in Iowa
the girls arc taught how to cook. 1t will
come quite handy for them after mar
riage if they get anything to cook
Tonke1's Gazette.
Il never loved but one person., :"
sighed Biggs. ''And, as q man can
not marry himself, remarked Fogg,
''of course it came to nothing. Poor
fclIow!'
"Did the prisoner knock Mr.. Smith
down in retaliation?" asked the lawyer
of witness. mo, sir: he knocked him
down in the boardyard:" -W City Der
qick.
When man is in hurry to reach a
certain point, which is the most annoy
ing, to arrive at the depot II little too
late, or to learn that the train is eight
hours behind time? dorchester Cypress.
The tailor's apprentice, when COM
mcncing his trade finds there is truth
in the text that "What man sews
that he shall also rip Son1erville
Journal.
At Niagara Falls young bride was
very much embarrassed when hack
man pointed to her husband and said:
''Do you wish a carriage for your father
miss?"
It is about an even thing between a
man and an orange peel. Sometimes
the man throws the orange peel into
the gutter and sometimes the orange
peel throws the man.-L0ndo1s Musical
World.
A report of balloon accident in
France says: "By singular good for
tune it landed in a marsh and Made
moiselle at last stood on terra firma. "
How anybody can stand on terra frma
in marsh is a conundrum.
"A Reverend. Idol'' is the title of a
new novel. We suppose the hero, a
young clergyman, was SO idolized by
his congregation that they raised his
salary from $3.50 to 1915 without wait
ing for him to ask for it. Fiction is
stranger than truth Philadelphia
NeaCs
Cow:srdly:-A lion-tamer quarreled
with his wife, 4 powerful vigaro, and
was chased by her all around his tent.
On being sorely pressed he took refuge
IN the cage among the lions. ''Oh,
you contemplate cowardi" she shout
cd. Come out it you dare. '--hr0na
the French.
A.Fact:-Two gentlemen were ques-
tioning why professional men should so
frequently be bald. The little daughter
of one had BEEN an attentive, though
unobserved listener, but made her pres
ence and opinion known by suddenly
cxclaiming: "Oh, papa, know; it's
SO that their wits can come out"
A young gentleman writing from
Long Branch asks whether it is good
form to hold bird with ones fingers
while eating it. If the bird is the regu-
lation watering place spring chicken, it
is good form but poor policy. You
should brace yourself against some
thing and use both hands.
"Pray, my good man." said Judge
to an Irishman who was witness on a
trial, "What did pass between you
and the prisoner?'' '.Oh, then, phase
your Lordship," said Pat, 'ssure l sees
Pheim atop of the wall. Paddy!
says he. 'What?' says l. 'Here!' says
he. 'Where?' says I. .Whist!' says he.
'Hush!' says I. And that's all, phase
your Lordship."- Chambers Journal.
Music at home (the egotism of genius)
Eminent violinist: '.Dell me-who
is dat fiddle paid old chendelman viz
re vite viskers und re binc-nez, looking
ut re bigchus?' Hostess:-''It's my
Uncle Robertson. I'm grieved to say
he's quite deaf!' Eminent Violinist:-
Zach, am 70 zorry for him! He vii;
not pc apple to hear me blay re fttle. :"
::Now, John,' said the father of the
city family to the father of the country
family. ':We have been spending all
summer with you, and as some sort Of
:recompense we are going to have somo
amateur theatricals and give you u fare
we'll benefit" mo, thankee Charles, :"
was the reply, ''don't wait to do that
The farewell will be benefit enough for
me-"
A patent medicine manufacturer died
in New York last week. Before he died
his friends asked him how he would like
to be buried. He had just strength
enough left to say. ''Insert me top
column next to reading matter, fifty
two times electro by mail, and then
he closed his eyes and passed away to
that bourne where there are no omis-
sions or wrong insertions.
Deacon Wilson, of Evansville, Mo-,
was so greatly annoyed by q stranger
who tlirted with his daughter in church
that while praying he raised his voice
to it's highest pitch and said: can now
% Lord, hev mercy on the dunn idiot
with the store clothes on as is winkin'
at our Alice, an keep him a hangin'
roun' the church door when sarvis is
over till | can git to him and put head
on him! Amen"
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