The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-03-22
WIT AND HBaoR

Longfellow evidently paid his fare
like man. Didn't he write in .sEx-
said?'
Something new in woolens-a baby in
its first flannel shirt Folio. Some.
thing old in. wool-ensAMary's Little.
Lamb.-Satena (Mass.) Contributor.
1t was Cairo woman who bored
three gimlet holes through the kitchen
floor to let the freshet drain off under
the house.
They tell of an Ohio woman who is
so gentle-minded that she has never
even been known to have an obstinate
cough.
The readiness with which the foot of
the modern man taketh him to the club
would go far to prove that man is by
nature club-footed. Rome iSentiaseka
A newspaper communication that ex-
| aggerates as wildly as a circus poster is
not always signed Truth Sometimes
the signature is s'Veritas.'
Said the editor of the bore: at isn't
| that he doesn t know enough to come in
when it rains; he doesn't know enough
to stay out when it's not raining. BIOS
| ton Post
Cato did not begin to learn the Greek
| language until he was 81 years of age.
The excuse for his beginning on it then
| was that he had entered his second
| childhood.
In spite of all the talks and Jokes only
one patron in twenty-five beats his tail
on, while no tailor gets a good fit on
| more than two men in five. It's about
an even thing.
1t takes a giraffe about twenty days
to recover from the sea sickness of an
! ocean voyage. That is, ten to get the
feeling all the way down, and ten more
TO bring it all up.
General Cook, of Georgia, went to
| dog show in Washington the other night.
| ut reminds me of Congress- he said,
because the little dogs make all the
fuss, and the hitler they are the more
fuss they make. +"
| When a fellow gets a letter for his
| wife out of the postoffice and he forgets
| to give ii to her for a week or so, the
| safest way of letting her have it is to tie
it on the end of long fishing pole and
| poke it through window to her.
Commander Cheyne, who is in Mon
| treal, says that he has not abandoned
his proposed balloon expedition to the
uOItu DOlC- lslcutcAdiU oCIlW dthd HAS
offered to join him. Say, Cheyne, take
Langtry, Freddie, and Oscar Wilde
| along with you for ballast.
A new secret society has been started
| in New York under the name of s'Order
of the Iron Tie The order of 1.-The
Steal Overcoat' operated extensively in
this vicinity during the winter, but was
| suppressed by the Cast Iron Collars,
| otherwise known rs DOfippmRn
Professor Julien asserts that the brown
| stone houses of New York will entirely
crumble away in less than one thousand
| years, 50 runous is our atmosphere.
| That settles it. We shall not build a
| brown stone house. 1t wouldn't be
economy. ~ NO1TistOUH Herald.
book agent tried to sell Cincinna-
ii Irishman a copy of ''Hiaw atha:" Pat
looked at the title and then at the can
vasser. Higher wather, is itP" says he;
''be iabers the wather in these diggins
is quote high enough, me by, for any
dacent mon. So be off wild yezn Med
York AdUertiser.
For pure, unauthorized nerve, COM
mend us to the woman who, having re-
ceived present that doesn't suit, calls
at the shop where it was purchased, and,
seeing nothing that she would like bet
ter, concludes to take the money which
bought her present.
Forty years ago, when Mrs. Mowatt
was playing Juliet to a crowded house,
and she lay dead in the tomb, she con-
| triyed to ask Romeo how the scene WAS
going. s.Beautifully,' he answered,
.sthe people down stairs have to put up
umbrellas 10 prevent being drowned by
the tears of those in the gallery
A preparation is on exhibition in Chi
eaoo for making fabrics fire proof. The
agent SAYS if the skirts of ballet girl
are treated with the preparation that
| she could dance in fire and not be burn
ed We hope they would also treat the
sawdust with the preparation, too, or
| there might be trouble. Sawdust makes
| the hottest kind of fire.
A drillmaster at the naval academy
was a determined sufferer. One day
| he was drilling IA squad OF cadets who
were marching toward the Severn. As
| they neared the seawall the lleutenanb
attempted to halt them. The words
! hung fire Overheard the mischlevous
/ cadets went. The lieutenant took the
precaution TO tell his men the next time
he did not get ''halt out they needn
| 90 overheard.
/ EFIhere WAS a great zeal OF dEt dpoub
the minister's sermon to-day, WASH {
therep'' said MIR Brown to Deacon Jones.
ssWhy, didn't think soiit seemed very
natural replied the Deacon s'Well, it
sounded very much like art to me-. =
| s.Nill YOU be kind enough to explainP
We'll, YOU know art is long, and that
| sermon was .sOh-ah!" interrupted
the Deacon, IL see,' and the converse
ton changed The Drummer.
The dispatches from Washington an
nounce that son of Senator Voorhees,
has made a bust of Don Cameron, which
is easily recognized by all who see it, as
being a likeness of Cameron. The gov
eminent ought to hire Voorhees, at once.
The trouble with busts of great men,
generally, is that nobody can tell who
they are intended for, without there is a
sign on them.
The grandma of a little 4-year-old
had been telling her one day not TO say
people lied, but rather that they were
mistaken. Her grandmother, to amust
her. told her bear story, which was
touch one to believe. After she flae
finished, the little girl looked up into
her face and exclaimed: s'Grandma
that is the biggest mistake l have evea
heard ''-Sala Francisco Neg0s Letter.
The dead Beat Wagon" company
4 of Cleveland, has been sued becaus'
their driver stopped the vehicle befor'
a lady's door while he went back Il
look for the horse's shoe 1t is a brigh
| colornd fri0hffullv painted bold letter