Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-07-09
Up in arms.-The midnight baby.

Dave ueNelopeu lloln Hea
Up in arms.-The midnight baby.
A man with history-a book agent.
Babies in Chill never cry. They yell.
summer trip-Over the croquet wick
ct.
The rule of three-for the third person
to clear out.
The musician, like the cook, makes his
bread out of his do.
Happiness is where it is found, and sell
dom where it is sought
If you wish to preserve your secret,
wrap it up in frankness.
A drowning man catches at straw.
So does a mint julep man.
The latest sophomore salutation to
freshmen-wipe off your moustache.
''This world is barber shop" says
Squibs, ''for we all shave one another
Can you tell me how to make trout
fly? [John.l Yes, John; fry it in butter.
Mr.. Spurgeon says that water is the
strongest drink. Mr.. S. should use a
filter.
A Virginia woman has named her baby
Malone, because its alleged father repu-
dates it.
1t is better to live and die childless
than to bring up boy to play on the ac-
Gordon.
The wise man gives his home the shake
while his wife and the hired girl shake
the carpets.
When man stops friend in the street,
to tell long story, he may be said to ask
a button hole favor of him.
The price of whiskey has been lowered
two cents at Cincinnati. This is not by
the glass. 1t is by the gallon.
And now they say that girl has been
born in Ohio, with two toes joined in the
shape of V. We veto that story.
A young lady, who has just mar
ried man by the name of Moore, says
she hopes she is safely moored for life
Mexicans are not fond Of intellectual
subtleties. The only kind of riddle they
enjoy is riddling one another with bullets.
Two men were blown up by dynamite,
and cruel joker who saw them ascend
remarked: ''There they go-two for as
cent"
The editor can't afford to wear dia-
mond of the first water, but when it
comes to paste he takes the cake from the
community.
The latest agony is for young lady to
have dog to match her dress. We'd like
to see crushed strawberry dog-in fact
any kind Of crushed dog.
Esop, the poet, once paid 100000 for
single supper. 1t wasn't because he
was SO awful hungry, but just because he
had to keep up the custom of the guild
Bee culture is becoming great indus
try in Texas. Profanity is also fine art
with the inhabitants of that state, and
the two will work in together very nicely.
boy in a history class in school was
trying to recite about Napoleons troops
ascending the hill in platoons and said,
''They marched up the hill, pantaloon
after pantaloon."
Did you ever notice how suddenly a
timid woman who is humming an operat-
ic air will switch off ON a religious hymn
when storm comes up and she hears the
first clap of thunder?
Strawberries have been so pletiful at
| the south we are told, that it didn't pay
to pick them. That is the reason why
they left the strawberries and sent the
sand to the northern markets.
viii you please insert this obituary no.
tice?" asked an old gentleman of coun-
try editor. ''I make bold to ask it be-
cause the deceased had great many
friends about here that would be glad to
hear Of his death.
certain little Pharisee, who was
praying for his big brother, had a good
deal of human nature in him, even if ht
was only six years old. He prayed, &c
Lord, bless brother Bill, and make hin
as good boy as am
Little eight-year-old Oracle on coming
from school was asked by a caller if sh,
intended to be schoolma'am when sh,
got old enough. She quickly responded
''No, sir; I'm going to be nothing bu
just mother to my children.
my home is not upon this earth" wa
the remark Of Deacon Crowfoot, '.m
mansion is in the Skies ''Then," sal
Fogg, II would advise you not to NOV
into it until you find out what kind Q
neighbors you are going to have"
At a wedding where the bride was yer
dilatory in arriving at the church, a lad
remarked concerning the affair: 'sWel
the idea of that woman being late in ge
ting here when she has been waitin
twenty-six years for just such chance 9
this"
J A little boy -astonished his companion
the other day by telling them that he ha
a spanking team at his house. An excl
ed crowd of boys had walked near
home with him when one of them asked
ssWhat dye call 'em?" spa and ma
+ was the reply.
n A young man of our town sent b
: sweetheart bouquet on Monday, al
she thus wrote him 'sOh, the permea
ing aroma of that altogether too love
exuberance of nature inflated my affiatl
and kindled in my soul a passion tn
= time cannot obliterate.
)8
,r Dr. G. H Hill Front Royal. Va. says Browns II
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