Morning journal and courier., 1883-07-09
The Rrtttsh Dude.

L'Fun's' true picture Of the Gildod Youth of the Time, compiled from current Prosecution Case.l Hon. De Pensonbye We're Ponsonsonbye was only IT, and inexperienced consequent ly he put on his own necktie, and went out for a stroll down Bond street. Presently he yearned for 8 smoke, and was just stepping into tobacconist's, when he observed his three friends, Hon. Courtenaye Howarde de Tracye, Hon. Pierayge de Brette Pierayge and Hon. Launcelote de Smytee-Smythe Tomkynnes, gazing upon him in languid wonder.
 'Tevvah's matter, deah boyer" asked Hon. Courtenaye.
 Something wrong with collah ?'' asked Hon. Pierayge.
 ssMost a oueeah !'' said Hon. Launcelote. Hon. Ponsonbye explained that he was en- tering to purchase cigar. His three friends simultaneously and slowly raised their six eyebrows and let fall their three glasses from their three near-eyes in token of wild aston ishment then, with 8 pitying murmur of
 "Pooah old chappie!" they led him gently away and explained things to him. Hon. Ponsonbye had advanced in knowl edge now. He was again strolIing down
 Bond street, and wanted 8 cigar so he
 passed the tobacconist's, and was about to enter a door with brass plate, when he again observed his friends gazing at him in wonder.
 ""Tevvahs mattah now, deah boye ?' they asked.
 The Hon. Ponsonbye explained that he was about to call on an agent to go to the
 tobacconist's and buy him cigar. Gently
 murmuring Better, but not quaite raite
 yet !" they again led him away.
 The Hon. Ponsonbye was really progress.
 ing now. He was again strolling down Bond street followed by his valet, and he wanted a
 cigar. So he beckoned his valet and told
 him to go to the door with the brass plate
 with stMr'' on it, little beyond the tobac.
 conist's, and instruct the agent to procure @
 cigar Then he waited at the corner fifteen
 minutes until the cigar had been handed to the agent, who handed 1t to the valet, who
 handed it to the Hon. Ponsonbye. The ci-
 gar came to ten shillings-original price two
 and six agents commission from tobacco
 mist, two and six; agents commission from
 purchaser, two and six valet's perquisite, two and six.
 The three friends were delighted, for the
 Hon. Ponsonbye was progressing wonderful
 ly, but great was the disappointment of their
 eyebrows vixen they called upon him and found him writing check for 2, ,O00 boxes of cigars, each procured in the same way. ssTevvah's this wraiting on this laine-and
 these figyeahs ?'' they asked. ''Whaiy, that's
 mount of check" said the Hon. Ponsonbye. The three glasses again fell. Again the three friends led him away.
 sNeyvah wraite amount on check-nevVah Bad form !' said the three. Always give bank checks to fellahs, specially uttah stran- iahs. Bettah form to write on blank papah. !" There was another valuable wrinkle but the pupil was not perfect yet, for the three l friends, calling again, after languidly admir- 1 ing his furniture, stood unhappily gazing 1 about the floor in search of something evi- dently wanting; then, without word, they l led him gently to each of their three sets of chambers in succession, and he saw that their carpets were strewn with blank checks, &C., ceptances and sheets of paper, all signed at ] the corner and they explained to him that
 their agents, legally employed to sign for 1 them, called each morning and signed good hatch of these instruments, which were cared up by the char woman when she came "Makes bit Of ittah," said the three, "but it's form"
 After this the Hon. Ponsonbye really gave his mind to it; he decided that it would be better to get another agent to tell his valet
 what agent to communicate with then he
 got another valet to come between him and
 the first agent then he decided to borrow
 nine hundred thousand million pounds-not
 that he wanted it, but he wanted to pay the
 interest on it and the commission to the two
 hundred agents acting for him for he would
 not think of employing less than that num-
 Der of agents for the transaction. And we
 regret to say that, failing to procure an agent
 to eat for him-for he already employed all
 the existing agents, and he would not hear of
 using the same agent for two purposes-he
 succumbed to starvation. He did that him.
 self.