davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07
Two Recent Graduates Well Fixed.

Your daughter graduates this
mouth, Mr.. Thistlepod ?"
"Yes, she'll be home about the goth,
] reckon"
Y "And your son graduates also ?"
"Oh, yes he'll come home about
the same time.
"And what are they going TO do ?"
"Well," said the old man, thought
fully, 81 don't just exactly know what
they do want to drive at, but Marthy,
she writes that she wants to continue
her art studies on the continent, I'll
just send her to Greece in the dairy
and let her do little plain modelling
in butter, and Sam, he says he's got
to go abroad and polish up little,
and as good luck will have it, he'll
be home just in time to spread himself
on the grindstone and put an edge on
the cradle blades against the wheat
harvest"
The old man smiled to think that
he hadn't thrown money away when he
sent his children to school.-Burling-
ton Hawkeye.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

An Arkansas journalist, in assum-
ing control of the local column of a
weekly paper, says: "The proprie-
tors of The Skillet have deemed it ad-
visable for me to lend my influence to
this great enterprise. am an old
hand at the business, and come highly
recommended, having been run out of
the swamp land district on account of
a delicately expressed sentiment to
the effect that the county judge was a
thief of no small capacity. So long
as the judge of this county remains
honest, or rather is not caught steal
ing anything, / may stay with you,
and help you develop the wonderful
resources of this section, but just as
soon as he is proved to be thief, |
reckon I'll have to slide. | take this
method of informing the people that
| will preach at the Clay Hill Church
next Sunday."-Arkansaw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

81 thought" said the senior Bag
giles, as he produced a suspicious look
ing fiat bottle from his sons valise,
"that there was nothing but your sur
gical instruments in this bag. p
That's what / said, dad" "Then,
sir, what do you call thisY ?" "That
Oh, that's my eye opened, dad; very
useful instrument, very useful indis-
pensible, / assure ou."-Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07
A "Fathcr Hubbardv Dress.

The other day when old Major Sol
man announced his readiness to pro-
ceed in the direction of the church,
his wife appeared wearing Mother
Hubbard" dress. The old man in
tcntly regarded her for few moments,
and asked: MARY what sort of a
coat do you call thati' "It's a Moth.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

81 tell you, pard," said old Jimmy
Cannon, a guide" the west has lost
its romance. Only a little while ago,
it seems to me, where once there was
nothing but the whoop of the Indian
and the song of the six-shooter, now
there are railroads and churches and
commercial men and high schools and
lecturers and daily newspapers and
every little while a natural death.
Why, within two months, if the
blarsted papers tell the truth, several
men have died in Wyoming of dis
ease. tell you, it looks as though
us old timers would have to move
away. When we have to wait for
lingering disease to snuff us out it's
time to light out for the frontier. y
Laramie Boomerang.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

They used to say: "Spare the rod
and spoil the child" Nowadays it
is well recognized fact that even
forty rods make one rood.-Boston
Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

A New Jersey woman lately wrote
to the publisher to stop her paper as
she noticed it was entered at the
post-ofiice as second class matter" /"
whereas, she labored under the i'm
preston that she paid for first class
paper.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

Darwinian theory: There is boy
in Norristown who "sprang from n
monkey" The monkey belonged to
an organ grinder and attempted to
bite the boy.-Cape Ann Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

The scarcity of gentlemen at a
neighboring summer resort was so ap-
parent that Boston lady telegraph
cd to her husband: George, bring
down lot of beaus for the hop this
evening" Thanks to the telegraph
manipulation, George arrived with n
"pot of beans. boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

The young husband of Baroness
Burdett-Coutts owns seventy-six fish
ing smacks. When a man marries
an old woman for her money he has
to go outside the family for his smacks.
Chicago News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

"Well, may | hope then, dearest,
that at some time | may have the
happiness of making you my wife ?"
"Yes, / hope so, am sure" she re-
piled; / am getting tired of suing
fellows for breach of promise. Dos
ton Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

81 don't like to have my husband
chew tobacco" remarked a young
married lady, "but put up with it,
for the tin foil is just too handy for
anything in doing up my front crims."
-Someryille journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

Dispatches of the morning said :
Market acts tired. Think it will re-
act. Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

A Dayton, Ohio, man put Il pistol
ball in his stomach. AS his digestion
is good he may not digest yet.-Pitts-
burgh Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

The man with the single English
eye-glass looks as if he had pain in
his eye.-Boston Commercial Bulle-
tin. And therefore presents a singu-
lar spectacle.-Someryille Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

A man may not want to buy the
cat, but when he runs it out Of the
pantry he becomes pur chaser
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

An unhappy marriage is like an
electric machine-it makes one dance,
but you can't let go.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

"The bark went down. said the
ague patient after he had swallowed
big dose of quinine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

Some unknown person attempted to
break into the editors's house recent
ly, but discovered his mistake and
escaped before the editor could rob
him.-Friendship Register.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

Saturday always reminds one of
the wooden thing shoemakers use
when they make sick folks shoes.
It's the last of the weak.-Pittsburgh
Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

Mr.. William Doodle.-"Yes, Miss
Frost, | always wear gloves at night !;
they make ones hand so soft and nice.
Miss Frost.-"Ah! and do you sleep
with your hat on ?"-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

The place where they "break the
moose gently" is the divorce court
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

When drove of cattle gets to bel
lowing you can't get so far away from
them that they will not be herd. =.
Cincinnati Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

Why is leaky tub like a poor
rule Because it doesn't hold good.
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

A party that bots-the turnkey
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

1t is seasonable bit of informa-
ton to state positively that we needn't
90 to the seashore after beachnuts.-
Pittsburgh Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

II fill the Bill" said Willie when
he got into his mothers preserve closet.
"And | foot the Bill" remarked papa,
overhearing his soliloquy.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

The Philadelphia Call claims that
"there are $4,000 old maids in this
State alone" Why, of course they
are alone. Chicago News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

A young lawyer Of this city, who
has girl in Warren, and one in Cor
ry, and another in Meadville, may be
said to be already conducting circuit
court.-Oil City Derrick.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

Miss (uncertain age)-"I pride
myself on my descent; one of my
ancestors came over in the Mayfow-
er." DeSmith-"Was it your father
or mother ?'-The Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

"Hello, boy. Has your paper any
thing more about the earthquake p
"No, sir; not in this Ischia Louis
vile Courier-,Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

A million bats are said to live in
the dome of the court house at Bren-
ham, Ga. What bonanza for a base
ball club. oil City Blizzard
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

"A Russian gravc.diggcr heard groans
Issuing from new-madc grave. Instead
of Immediately disinterring the groaner,
he rushed off to the priest, upon whose
sole authority, hc thought, such resur-
rection could have been made. The
priest refused upon the ground that the
police must first be Informed. Five hours
were wasted in such proceedings, and
then the coffin was dug up. 1t was
found that the unfortunate occupant had
turned over in his coffin, and in his agony
had torn out his hair and worn out his
finger-nails in his efforts to release him
self. Tho wife brought suit against the
priest for heavy damages.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07
Likeness OF Animals and Men.

The miser has his prototype in the
rodents, whose two narrow, gnawing
teeth arc etcrnally reproduced in human.
ity. The proud popularity of the strong
graybeards is TO look like lion--and
Longfellow had that distinction. Chris.
topher North looked like noble mastiff;
but other men have n more ludicrous re-
semblance to dogs of an inferior breed.
A much whskered individual, driving
in a Victoria down town, with . his
Scotch terrier, asked witty lady what
she thought of them. "Why, "said she,
81 thought you were beside YOURSELF"
A man of the Dundreary type can look
very much like a terrier. The bulldog
finds his manly prototype in Bill Sykes,
and we have all seen slender, greyhound
looking men, and little, mean, ferret
faces on the lookout for game. Men OF
sardonic temper and smooth outlines,
who are wise enough to wear a white,
straight mustache, have grand resem-
blance 10 bengal tiger. They look
cruel, butt is handsome, strong cruelty.
No one can help respecting Bengal
tiger, although his traits are scarcely
amiablc. All types of the dog are rep
resented in man, and who has not seen
women resembling sheep?- Chicago
Express.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07

IL YOU
Want a cook,
Want n clerk,
Want partner,
Want situation,
Want salesman,
Want a servant girl,
Want 10 sell a piano,
Want. TO buy horse,
Want to purchase a farm,
Want to sell carriage,
Want to borrow some money,
Want to sell some town property,
Want 10 find good boarding place,
Want 10 sell groceries or drugs,
Want TO sell dry goods or carpets,
ADVERTISE IN THE WEEKLY ARGUsl
Advertising gains new customers,
Advertising keeps old customers,
Advertising makes success easy,
Advertising begets confidence,
Advertising always pays,
Advertising shows pluck,
Advertising means biz,
Advertise or "bust,"
Advertise long,
Advertise we'll,
Advertise now,
Advertise,
Here
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07
Detroit & Bav City Railroad.
GOING NORTH.
GOING SOUTH.

Day and Evening Express daily, Sundays except
ed. Night Express daily, Saturdays excepted.
II. LEDYARD, HENRY c. WENTWORTH
Genr Manager, Genl Pass. & Ticket Agt.,
Detroit. Mich Chicago, Ill.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07
Advertising Rates.

Business Cards, year, dollar for every line.
Local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion
AMI all notices continued for three months longer
q discount OF 5per cent.
Advertisements supaceompanied by verbal or written
directions will be published three months.
Advertisements, under contract, ordered out bS
d re expiration Of time, will be charged full rates
No paper discontinued until all arrearagcs are 1id,
n eept at the option Of the publisher.
Transient advertisements must be paid In advance.
0rerms CASH, payable quarterly.
Only Metal Cuts Inserted.
Prices and Terms alike TO all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-07
Flint g. Pere Marquette R, R.

Drawing room morning and evening trains
between Bay City and Detroit, extra charges only
25 cents. .
Night express east runs Sunday night instead of
Saturday, All other trains daily except Sunday.
SANFORD KELLER, Sup't
w. ~. JOHNSON,
Ticket Agent, Alpcna, Mich.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1883-12-08

A San Francisco scientist maintains
that the peculiar sunsets recently noticed
on the Pacific Coast, and observed with
considerable interest in Eureka, are due
to the late volcanic eruption in Alaska.
Ashes from that eruption have been car
risd all over Japan and beyond, and SIM
liar coloring Of the skies has been OBJ
served there. During the eruption in
Java similar coloring was exhibited in
different parts Of the world, and as far
east as Panama. The beauty Of many Of
the Italian sunsets are held to be due to
ashes from volcanoes and from dust from
the desert. Our own sunsets, therefore,
are supposed to have been caused by the
particles Of ashes coming from the
Alaskan volcano. These are carried in the
upper currents Of the air, and form, as it
were, q canopy. In the ordinary position
the sunlight passes through this stratum
without producing a visible effect but
when the light is below the stratum, as at
sunrise or sunset, and the rays strike the
under surface OF the ash-laden current,
the solid particles form an extended re-
flecting surface. The sunlight is thus
thrown back upon the earth, and causes
the beautiful sunsets which have been 80
much admired.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1883-12-08
District Court.

The trial Of Florentia Ruellas occupied
The District Court, Judge Bigelow presid-
Ing, Ill day yesterday and until after 10
O'Clock In the evening. The accused was
charged With cattle stealing, and it was
the policy Of counsel for defense to use GER
tain evidence offered to prove that Ruellas
had killed Mr.. Benson's steer because he
WI hungry, and hence he was excusable
according to scripture, to say nothing even
Of the law. The plea was very ingeniously
made BY R. NJ. Beatty, Esq. The prosecu-
ton by District Attorney CARRIER and
J. L. Wines, Esq, was sharp and harsh
Of course, as the Commonwealth de-
msnds, or as custom has seemed TO render
necessary when men are on trial for such
grave ofenses. The augmentation in the
evening was tart and sailed with PERSONAL
tiles that kept the Courthouse wide awake
until pretty late. The jury were
charged by His Honor and sent into their
quarters 10 weigh the pros and cons Of the
case - best they could apart from the
lawyers and ell the rest OF tie world on
the outside. The impression prevailed al
midnight that they would not agree.
They had at that time composed them.
selveA for slumber, and unless they
changed their minds while dreaming. the
hungry Mexicano will probably be set al
liberty to-day TO go and get hungry again.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1883-12-08
Law AND THE LAWYERS.
Are b Latter u Superior Institu'

Are b Latter u Superior Institu-
tfOn to the Former.
1t is difficult for the layman to appreciate
the axiom among the profession Of lawyers
that claw is the perfection of reason when
the results Of legal proceedings are so often
i~rreconcilabie with the judgments Of CON
mon sense. Apropos Of this, we reproduce
a rather sharp article from the Walker
Lake Bulletin. Whether the Mr.. Curler,
SO much eulogized, is held forth as the typ
ical lawyer merely and is 30 mentioned
only for the purpose Of the argument, we
are not able to determine; but it does not
matter much whether the reference to him
by the editor is earnest or satirical. The
article expresses public sentiment in q
bright and original manner and is worth
reading. This is what it says:
Judge Curler has succeeded in clearing
8. Rosenthal, who, it will be remembered,
was arrested in Grantsville some time
since and held or q charge Of arson. Pub
lie feeling in the neighborhood was very
strong against him, and circumstances
seemed to make his guilt certain, but Mr..
Curler in some way convinced the jury
that his client was innocent. He was
acquitted on the first ballot and is an
other instance Of the uncertainty Of law
and justice where an able lawyer talks to
the jury. 1t is not so much the question
Of guilt or innocence upon which depends
the conviction or acquittal Of the accused
as it is as to who is his attorney. Having
been acquitted by q jury, it is p~resumable
that Mr.. Rosenthal was innocent; but no.
body appeared to think 80 until his attor-
ney went to work for him. This is not
intended to prejudice thinking people
against the man who has so lately been
acquitted, but simply to illustrate the
necessity which now exists Of taking ac-
count Of the attorney before arriving at .
conclusion as to guilt or innocence. Some
years ago the same attorney took up the
case Of Q man who had been tried, con-
victed and sentenced to be hung, in n Of
the eastern counties. He got him a new
trial and obtained an acquittal. When it
is remembered that there are several other
lawyers in Nevada of equal skill and en-
ergy, it should not be surprising if our
criminals, in a short time, begin to defer
Judgment as to their own guilt or inno-
cence until they learn who will be IL eir
attorney.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1883-12-08
A Surprise.

Some 25 or 80 lads and lassies took Miss
Susie Boehm completely by surprise. at
her home, last evening, and they had a
jolly time of it until about II o'clock.
The young gallants, Master George Bart
lett in the lead, are No. l reporters, for
they came to tell us about it at once and
requested a nice notice for the surprised
hostess. We do the best we can for you,
boys, but don't blame US II you have q
scramble afterwards for the nearest place
to the young lady, heart. The boys didn't
give any clear explanation of why the
party was given, except that it was to
please the young lady and to raise Cain
generally and have q jolly time. And
they succeeded and so did the pretty.
rosy girls who joined in the games and
tackled the nice things to eat as heartily
as they. That's the idea, young folks,
make the best of the happy hours now,
and you will be happy in thinking over
them when you get too old or too sour to
romp any more.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1883-12-08

Scraps from ms Notebook of the
Senttnei's Reporter.
Miss L: jewell came up from Pslisade
last evening.
The WEEKLY SENTINEL can be had at @
M. Fsssett's drug store, Ruby Hill.
Our merchants are getting in their
Winter stock, and they are very large.
The WEEKLY SENTINEL is a good paner
to send to your friends in the East and in
Europe.
The Northern Belle Mining COMPANY
has filed q bill Of exceptions on q motion
for Q new trial.
The soiree last evening, at the Opera
House, was fairly attended, and was a
very nice party.
Attend the auction sale of clothing at
the White House this evening. It is their
last night for selling goods.
A matinee will be given at the Truckee
Music Hall on Sunday afternoon ct Q
o'clock. Admittance free.
All the telegraph wires east Of Chey-
enne, except one, are still down, and no
press report came through yesterday.
The miners Of the Gold Hill Union
gave q grand ball last night to commemor-
ate the 18th anniversary Of their organizs-
ton.
"How do You know when q cyclone is
coming ?" asked q stranger OF q Western
man. "Oh, we get wind of them" was the
answer.
Burns, the insane patient who escaped
from the Reno Asylum Saturday night,
was captured at Boca and returned to the
Asylum last Tuesday morning.
Ormsby county has allowed Washoe
county 81 ,135 rs IS costs in the Coombs
trial for the murder Of Jack Ross. Murder
trials are an expensive luxury.
The dry goods establishments Of M. J.
Franklin d Co. and Morris & Levy pre-
sent q handsome appearance and are at
tracing. throngs Of lady purchasers day
and night.
The Republican says: Truckee is duller
than it has been at any time since the fire
OF Aug. 2, 1881, and the worst of il is that
the indications are that it will be duller
before it will be %livelier.
A stated communication Of Eureka
Lodge No. 10, F. & A. NJ, will be held
this evening at Z O'Clock. The annual
election OF officers will be had and q full
attendance Of members is requested.
The Board of Insane Asylum Commits
sioners met at Carson Thursday for the
purpose Of investigating the charges made
BY DR.. Bergstein against Supt. Bishop. So
far nothing has been reported concerning
their action in the premises.
This is the way it strikes the New York
Mail and Express "Gen. Rosecran's
plan for getting rid Of polygamy by Con-
stitutional amendment is as effective as
the reading Of the riot at q vendetta or
the perusal of the State laws at a prize
fight"
Last night the attorneys had a field
time of it in the Ruelas case, and INDUCED
themselves pleasantly in a spsrring match.
In his first speech one gentleman painted
another rs s'the silver-gray fox" and in
the second he drew q full-length portrait
Of him as Shylock. 1t was, Of course, all
metaphor.
7. E. Clohecy and wife came down from
Wood River yesterday. Mr.. Clohecy is
one OF the most prominent merchants and
miners in the Northern country, and has
Q host OF friends there and here. After a
few days visit among friends, Mr.. and
Mrs. G. will go East on an extended visit.
Salt Lake Tribune. The gentleman
named is q near relative of w. P. Clohecy
Of Eureka.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1883-12-08
G PRIMARY.
THIRD PRIMARY,
A Champagne stampede.

The Bodie Free Press says: If we
should call him by name it would at once
be confessed that Main street without him
would look deserted. The individual in
question went to Lewis q few evenings
since and purchased q bottle Of cham
pagne, requesting that the cork be drawn
and :. steam taken off" after which he put
it in his ooat-tail pocket and started for
home. The shaking up caused more gas
to generate, and in one OF the dark, back
streets the cork popped like q pistol, and
off our friend few with a troop of imag-
mary highwaymen in his rear. An aban-
doned clubhouse was the nearest retreat,
and into it he projected himself, only to
find that the floor had been removed and
that there was an unstable and unsavory
footing at the bottom. Hence the neces-
sity for those new clothes.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1883-12-08

Our Republican friends have allowed
themselves handicapped and bothered
in their National Conventions ever since
the late civil war, by allowing all the
States q representation therein, according
to an superintendent based on their rep
resentation in the Senate and House. BY
this arrangement those States which could
never be expected to choose Republican
Presidential Electors, that is, mainly
the Southern States, held a power in max
ing nominations entirely out OF proper
tion to their actual strength in the party
as voters. By reference to our dispatches
it will be seen that a proposition will be
laid before the Republican National Com
mittee at their meeting Dec. l6 to modify
the apportionment that has hitherto pre-
vailed among our political friends, SO as to
place the nominating power nearer where
it ~belongs-in the hands OF those whose
votes will count in the Electoral College.