The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-09-06
WIT AND HUM0R.

Il finish q Sunday morning nap.
The people of the West, after hearing
from Ischia, conclude that tornadoes are
to be preferred.
"Aunty.vat makes the little baby cry
SOP Do it want its mudder?" lies.
dear. and its fodder, too!'
When a woman smiles from ear to
ear, it's real mean to say that her mouth
goes back on her.
A woman in Philadelphia eloped last
week with the father of her husband.
Probably she thought she could go faith
er and not fare worse.
81 aim to tell the truth" Eyes" in
terrupte6 an acquaintance, land you
are probably the worst shot in Eng
land"
In passing sentence upon two rogues,
Philip of Macedon ordered one to leave
Macedonia with all speed, and the other
to try to catch him.
"When am played out as a novel.
ist.' said Balzac one day to Dumas the
elder, Il intend to write for the stage. "
Begin at once, then, replied Dumas.
A Canadian paper demands: '.Why,
| if man wishes to marry his wife's sis
ter, didn't he marry her at first?" Per-
haps she was not old enough then.
A Vassar college girl has written a
novel called "a Foolish Virgin" One
must read the book to find out where
| the foolishness comes in.
A Hartford girl, twelve years old.
| being asked how far she was advanced
at school, replied that she was sin geog-
| raphy on the second floor.
A London editor SAYS Yankee girls
| look a man right in the face. Poor
| man! They were looking to see if there
were any indications of ice cream.
II marry that fellow!'' exclaimed
Miss Mitinice; ''no! | would rather die
| than have him-that is, if 1 could get
| somebody else.''
Matches are now SO cheap that the
man who borrows your pipe and tobac-
co would scorn to ask you for match
also.
A young man says he is going to at
| tempt the feat of going forty days with
out working. He says if his employers
| don't watch him he thinks he can ac-
complish the task.
Policeman Ito group of small boys)
Come, now, move on. There's moth
ing the matter here. Sarcastic Boy
Of course there isn't. If there was you
wouldn' be here.
| An Indiana widow drinks nothing but
black tea while she is in mourning.
Such consistency is truly pathetic. But
what a nerve she will have for her next
husband.
Two young ladies who had quarrel
concluded to kiss and make up. The
| kissing process was of short duration,
but it required nearly two hours for
them to make up
John Wesley's breastpin was among
the articles offered for sale at recent
London fair. Mr.. Wesley, it is believed,
was not hotel clerk, and his pin did
not attract much attention.
| ''Take care of the useful, and the
beautiful will take care of ITSELF This
is what the fond and humorous father
remarked when he married off his ug-
lest daughter first.
A guileless girl wrote to her adorer
thus: Don't come to see me any more
just yet John, for father has been having
his boots half-soled, and two rows of
nails around the toes"
Dear Louise, don't let the men come
too near to you when courting." ooh,
no, dear ma. When Charles is here we
have a chair between u.s." Mother
thinks the answer is rather ambiguous
The Burlington Free Press says:
''Man is by nature circus-goer He
generally likes best, when the opportu-
nifty is offered, to take q place in the
ring"
When a Chicago girl reaches the
summit of Mount Washington, and
miles of some of the grandest scenery
in the world are unfolded to her view,
she just gives q little gasp and exclaims,
at takes the cake!,'-EG.
All the summer resorts yet heard
from claim a sumptuous allowance of
pretty girls and q corresponding search
ty of young men. This neat style of
advertising catches a great many mas
culines of monopolistic tendencies.
ambmuttonandham'' said
the girl who "waits on table" at the
Isle of Shoals. well, " said the old
gentleman, 81 never lasted it, but you
may bring me some, and I'll see what it
is like"
Theodore Hook, after having been
frightfully crammed at an Aldermanic
feed, being asked to be helped again,
replied: mo, thank you, don't want
any more; but l will take the rest in
money, if you please"
Leadville clergymen are becoming
very particular. One of 'em got mad
at funeral where he was to officiate
because the master of ceremonies mott
fed him to begin by remarking: '.Now,
old boss, it's your play. Boston Post.
The last straw. Scene on an ocean
steamer: Steward-You mustn't be
sick on the stairs, sir. Suffering French
man-Sacrebleu! And you think l am
sick on your damne stairs to make N.Y.
self pleasure?-Lite.
One of the sable philosophers of the
Detroit Free Press Lime-Kiln Club
sensibly says: Remember dat you
can't judge Of de home happiness of
man an wife by seein' dem at Sun
day-skule picnic
Notwithstanding soda water frequent
ly explodes heavy copper generator
and blows drug store into splinters,
the gentle girl calmly swallows goblet
after goblet of it, while it is the young
man along with her who gets ''busted."
| A colorado excuse: Countess-'I told
you expressly to paint the chamber
blood-color, and you have have made it
blue" Painter-"I beg your pardon.
thought the gracious Countess had
blue blood. Paris Paper.
After suffering 1.-THE bigamies of
death" from an attack of .'inflamma-
ton in the borax," Mrs. Darlington
threw herself back in her easy-chair
and remarked: There's no blessing
like health, particularly when you are
sick"
| Remarkable obituary headline in a
| Western exchanges: Deaths Shining
Mark = The Grim Archer Scores q