The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-11-08
WIT AND HUMoR.
Marry in haste and repent at-your

suckle." because he is always hanging
over the front railings.
Somebody has been bright enough to
say: 'Langtry and Gebhard-th lily
of the valley and valet of the lily"
Pap, what was that the governor of
North Carolina said to the governor of
South Carolinap" ''You are too young,
my son, to ask such question"
One of the saddest sights in these
hard times is to see woman with a
five-foot husband trying to alter his
pants to fit her six-foot son.
An English magazine is speculating
rs to 1.-THE kind of clothes ghosts wear"
We always supposed they wore spirit
wrappers.
The waiter inferred that the guest
had taken little something before sup
per from the mere fact of his ordering
''tied fraters and chork pops"
Jenkins says that when he asked the
girl who is now his wife to marry him,
she said: II don't mind" and she nev-
eli has minded.
A little girl at Newport, seeing the
willow phaetons for the first time, ex-
claimed: "Why, mamma, everybody
rides out in their clothes-baskets here"
An undesirable loan-a cyclone
A rash act-catching the measles.-A
man that knows the ropeJ-the sheriff.
Waist of time-the middle of an
hour glass.
A living brainless baby is attracting
a good deal of attention from the doc
tors. Watch his progress. Twenty
x.aa go hanoa ho NAV ho hnntin~ tho
fierce anise-seed bag at Newport.
Mamma" said Harry, whats the
difference between goose and geese?"
"Why. don't you know" said 4-year-
old Annie. Zone geese is goose, and a
whole lot of gooses is geese"
The poet who wrote "the child is
father to the man" was somewhat dis
concerted when practical friend ask
ed him how the case would be in the
event of the child being girl.
Yes" said the druggist, I'm very
sorry 1 gave MIR. Snaggs the wrong
dose by mistake and he died. He's the
second good customer I've robbed my
self of in this way this year"
Light-minded young thing in bath
ing suit-"Surely, Aunt Margaret,
you're not going to wear your specta-
cles in the water" Aunt Margaret
Indeed, l am. Nothing shall induce
me to take off another thing"
A fish called the 'whistling sucker
is sometimes caught in Walker Lake,
Nevada 1t is called very remarka.
BILE fish, but the whistling sucker" is
quite common in this part of the coun-
try.
A Beaufort bachelor so greatly ad.
mired the way in which his house
keeper prepared his coffee that he pro
posed and was accepted. This is q
pointer for a woman with ambition il
that direction.
The 40-year-old maiden who got mar
ried told female friend next day tha
she blushed so when the minister was
performing the ceremony that she was
glad she had veil over her face. Pool
young thing.
Speaking of the house of lady wht
does not intend to spoil her children by
sparing the rod, somebody remarked
how neat and clean everything was
Yes" said Fogg, everything is like
whacks work. "
A young miss of 16 asks what is the
proper thing for her to do when she i!
serenaded by a party of gentlemen at {
late hour. We are glad to be able tt
answer this question. Steal softly
downstairs and unite the dog.
A Maine girl didn't went her lover tt
name a boat after her, because sh,
didn't desire to read in the papers tina
matilda Slocum is up for repairs,
matilda Slocum is on the dock TO b,
scraped," etc.
In front of colored woman's cot
tage in HackeRsack stands pear tire
on which is nailed a shingle bearin,
the following legend written in pencil
Fife dollus fine, whoevur shaiks di
tree"
A lady speaker was thus introduce
to her waiting audience by hasty pre-
siding officer: Il have the pleasure G
presenting to you Mrs. -, who wi
give you an account of the 'remissness
es' of her past life. which am sur
will interest you al"
''Chawles," she lisped to her ney
beau from Boston, shave you seen Roe
ers' new groupP'' NO." he replied
''but knew Billy Rogers old gang
who backed John L. Sullivan" The
are estranged. Boston .sculchah" wa
too much for her.
Six lovely school-ma' ms were ou
rowing on the placid Monongahela. Il
bold, wicked man on shore, who was
bad boy few years ago, instead Q
taking off his hat as the boat went by
simply remarked: "Behold the whalin
fieetr'
If there IS any money to be made o
selling whisky to Indians, it should b
made by the missionaries, who bear th
hardsnips of carrying civilization to tn
unenlightened, not by the sutler.
who have q good enough thing of
in playing poker with the army off
GERS.
1t was on the piazza of the Gran
Union, Saratoga. "How beautiful
that woman sings" said one lady I
another, who was in gorgeous attil
and blazing with diamonds. "Is she
mezzo-soprano?" mo, guess no
think she is a Swede," replied tt
other.
A conceited young country parsol
walking home from church with ono
the young ladies of his congregation
said, in allusion to his rustic audienc
81 preached this morning to congf,
cation of asses" II thought of that,
observed the lady, "when you callc
them beloved brethren.
A poetess says: ''If were dead, an
thou shouldst venture near the coffi
where / lay, should know it, shoul
feel it." Not one reader in thousan
will believe this wild assertions; and tn
poetess, in order to secure reput;
ton for veracity, should die and give
practical illustration of her allege
post-mortem gift.
Didn't l tell you not to ask Unc
James for money!" said his mothe
casting hard look at her son. IN
mann" "'What! Didn't tell you tn
morning not to ask him?" "Yc
said not to ask him when you W;
around" "Jeemsr' ''But to stril
him for dollar while you was out a
you would give me nickle of it."
At q school examination clergym;
was descanting on the necessity of groN
ing up loyal and useful citizens
order to give emphasis to his remarl