The Labor enquirer., 1883-02-03
Im used to coming down that way. Pr
a life insurance agent.n I..l

now my dear, you must do as the
Romans d." said old man Scroggins to
his daughter on their arrival in Italy.
And the first thing the girl saw was
boy trying to stand on his head in the
corner of a railway station.
Chicago girls never go. to theatre
with young man without taking along
enough money to buy tickets for both.
Then, if the chap discovers that he has
been robbed. they don't have to walk
around until the play is over.
A physician, on presenting his bill to
the executor of the will of a deceased
patient, asked. "Do you wish to have my
bilFsworn?" NO." replied the executor,
"the death of the deceased is sufficient
evidence that you attended him profess
sionally."
An English brewer, observing one of
his men wearing the total abstinence
blue ribbon, suggested that it was some
what inconsistent with his line of bust
ness. "Well, sir" he said, 'you see it
makes folks like to tempt me, and then l
succumb"
Two gentlemen paused before an owl
set up in window, and discussed it for
five minutes,and decided it was the worst
case of botchery in stuffing they ever
saw, and then the bird woke up and
moved it's head, and they felt terribly
embarrassed. $
When Mr. Snaggs wants peace and
quiet of an evening, while he sits and
thinks, he says to his wife: "Now, my
dear, talk to me and amuse me" And
the blessed old dame at once loses all
capacity for thinking of anything to say
and never opens her head.
Il don't know" replied Montmorenci,
cuttingly, with polite smile, but l
know man who had twins so much
alike that the only way to tell 'em apart
was to send one to- Harvard and one to
Yale. Then one came back gentleman
and one Connecticut rough.
II should like to have coin dated the
year of my birth," said maiden lady
of uncertain age to a male acquaintance.
DO you think you could get one for
me?" Il am afraid not" he replied
These very old coins are only to be
found in valuable collections"
Josh Billings says, Il haven't much
doubt but that man sprang from the
monkey; but what bothers me is where
the monkey sprang FROM" Why, Josh,
monkeys spring from trees. 1t is as
tonishing that man of your perception
should never have noticed this fact.
A clerk in an eminently respectable
house, the head of which is deacon,
was instructed to prepare an advertise
ment and have it inserted in the news
papers. He prepared one which read:
The pot scooped We hold four aces
to the bobtaiE flush of any house in town
on fine tableclOths."
"India, my boy" said an Irish officer
to friend on his arrival at Calcutta ''is
the finest climate under the sun; but a
lot of young fellows come out here, and
they drink and they eat, and they drink
and they die, and after that they write
home to their parents pack of lies,
and say it is the climate that has killed
Them"
A South end lady received ateIegram,
and her face blanched and her hand
trembled as she held the unopened en-
velope before her. Giving it to her
daughter she said, "Read it." The girl
obeyed. Papa has broken his leg and
gone to the hospital" she said. Il feared
he was going to bring somebody to
dinner"
As long as she lived: Il don't care
what anybody says" remarked Mrs Fogg
warmly, "Mr Bolus is a good doctor,
and l shall employ him as long as l
live" very likely" replied Fogg; Il
believe it is the same with all his pa
tients. They all employ him as long as
they live-that is to say, until he gets
through with then"
From the French-Mme, X. comes to
die, and her husband, who is of an avarl-
cious nature, is asked to give 1000 francs
for the funeral fees. "a thousand
francs?" is his reply; what do you take