Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1883-02-09

4 middle aged. ire.h hooking, feshy
man, little short of hair and breath.
carving can, came into our otilce
one morning this week, and after being
seated and making some remark about
the go' Gorgeous surroundings, he said:
IL See Edison has got patents on over
three hundred inventions. Now, why
don't he originate Il new excuse, and
confer boon on suffering humanity"
We admitted that Edison was great
inventor, but could not understand
| hat the caller meant 5ya pew excuse,
and asked him what he had reference
10.
"Why," -aid The man, as he took Il
cigar OF The mattel, what &c. want is
new excuse fer staying out at nights,
au excuse that will have the semblance
Of truth AMI sincerity. Now, | stay
down town every night till about
eleven O'Clock, and tell you it is a
good deal of work to figure out excuses
for my abs nee, different excuses, you
know, so my wife will be goodnatur-
ed"
Have YOU ever tired the lodge
racket, and meeting customer from
the country" We asked with smile
of reinsurance.
"Oh. lodge be das. he'd said he, as
he scratched Il match on his sleeve. 81
have played all the lodges ia town on
her, until she does not believe word OF
It, and il is humiliating to sensitive
man to be disbelieved. have played
the country customer dod sc for twelve
years, but last year | went out of bust
ness and since then | have been meeting
old creditors among my former custo-
mers. To settle with them, unnl my old
partner told nv wife that didn't have
anything to- DO with selling the accounts
of the firm. and for the last SIX months
| have teen attending committee meet
ings OF several stock companies, in
which don't own dollar of stock.-
just keep watch Of the papers, and
when | see there is to be meeting oil
anything, from the humane society to
the little sisters of the poor, | use that
as an excuse. | have tried everything
to make things pleasant, Tut it seems
TO me all the excuses are exhausted, or
the women have got onto The racket,
md ! do wish an editr or some smar,
man would think up alew excuse and
charge us royalty OH it. would be
willing 10 ray.
did YOU ever try telling the truth
about where ,ou were at nights, and
what you were doing? Why not tell
your wife right out that yen have been
out with the boys playing draw poker,
nd throw yourself on her mercy
"By George, it is good idea ]
never thought of that I'll try it, and
he went out jabbing his cane on the
golden stairs. Ire next day We
heard SOM b. dy rap at tbs door softly,
and at the word "come in" the door
opened and the man who wanted an
xcuse, limped in. He had a cloth
tied around his head, over one eye, and
a piece of black court plaster from his
nose down under his eye. We asked
him if he had tried telling the truth.
Lifting the cloth from over his eye,
and showing the worst looking eye
that ever was he said:
"Yes, tried it, and if my life is
spared | shall not tell the truth any
more. | believe rou knew she would
hit me with the cover to wash bowl.
| " hen | said had be, n playing poker.
she flew right off the handle, and said
she had mistrusted for years that she
WAS welded to gambler, and that
settled il. | said it was lie, that
was not gambler, but only played fol
exercise. owe you for this black eye,'
and taking handful of cigars he
limped out. Still, We maintain thai
the truth is the safest generally. NIL
acaukee San.
Look at you!' shrieked Mrs
Ecomi, as the nurse let the badly tum.
BILE. Two inches nearer the wall and
that child would would have smashed
a $50 statuette and the hall lamp.
And then they picked up the baby.