The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1883-01-25
McWILLIAMs' BURGLAR ALARM.

The conversation drifted smoothly
and pleasantly along from weather to
crops, from crop to literature, from lit
erature to scandal, from scandal to re-
ligion, then took q random Jump, and
landed on the subject of burglar alarms
And now for the first time Mr. McWIl-
Jams showed feeling. Whenever I
perceive this sign on this mans dial [
comprehend it, and lapse into silence,
and give him opportunity to unload his
heart. Said he, with but ill-controlled
emotion:
81 do not 60 one single cent on burg
lar alarms, Mr.. TwaiH-not a single
cent-and J. will tell you why. When
we were finishing our house we found
we had n little cash left over, on ac-
count of tho plumber not knowing it.
was for enlightenng the heathen with
it, for l was always unaccountaby
down on the heather somehow; but
Mrs. McWilliams said no, let's have
burglar alarm. / agreed to this COM
promise. | will explain that whenever
want q thing, and Mrs. McWilliams
wants another thing, and we decide
upon the thing that Mrs. McWilliams
wants-as we always do-she calls that
n compromise. Very well; The man
came up from New York and put i'll the
alarm, and charged 1895 for it, and
said we could sleep without uneasiness
now. So we did for q while-say q
month Then one night we smelled
smoke, and l was advised to get up and
sec what the matter was. Ut candle
and started toward the stairs, and met
a burglar coming out of q room with q
basket of tin-ware, which he had mis-
taken for solid silver in the dark. He
4 =
friend, we do not allow smoking in this
room" He said he was a stranger, and
could not be expected to know the rules
OF the house; said he had been in
many houses just as good as this one,
ana 1t had never been objected to be-
tore. lie added that as far as his eXpe-
rlence went, such rules had never been
considered to apply to burglars any
81 said: Smoke along, then, if it is
the custom, though | think that the con-
eeding of q privilege to burglar which
is denied to Bishop is n conspicuous
sign of the loosencss of the times But
waiving all that, what business have
you to be entering this house in this
furtive and clandestinc way, without
ringing the burglar alarm?'
''He looked confused and ashamed,
and said, with embarrassment: Il beg q
thousand pardons did not know You
had burglar alarm, else | would have
rung it. beg YOU will not mention it
Yhero my parents may hear it, for they
are old and feeble, and such q SEEMING
1y wanton breach of the hallowed con.
ventionalities of our Christian civiliza-
ton might all too rudcly sunder the
frail bridge which hangs darklnp be-
tween the pale and evanescent present
and the solemn great dceps of the eter-
mites. May trouble YOU for matchP'
al said: Your sentiments do YOU
honor. but, if you will allow me to say
it, metaphor is not your best hold.
Spare your thigh; this kind light only
on the box. and seldom there; in fact,
my experience may be trusted. But to
return TO business. How did you getin
hereP'
''Through asecond-story window"
cit was even so. / redeemed the tin
ware at pawnbrokers' rates. less cost of
advertising, bade the burglar good
night, closed the window after him, and
retired to headquarters to report. Next
morning we sent for the burglar-aarm
man, and he came up and explained
that the reason the alarm did not 90
of, was that no part OF the house but
the first floor was attached to the alarm.
This was simply idiotic; one might as
well have no armor at all in battle as to
have it only on his legs The export
now pnt the whole second story on tho
alarm, charged $500 for it. and went his
way. By-and-by, ono night, found q
burglar in the third story about to start
down n ladder, with lot of miscella-
neous property. My first impulse was
to crack his head with q billard-cue,
but my second was to refrain from this
attention, because he was between me
and the cuc-rack. The second impulse
was plainly the soundcst, so Irefrained,
and proceeded to compromise 7 re-
deemed the property at former rates,
after deducting ten per cent. for use of
ladder, it being my ladder; and next
day wo sent down for the expert once
more, and had the third story attached
to the alarm for $500.
"By this time the annunciator' had
grown to formidable Dimensions. 1t
had forty-sevcn tags on it, marked with
the names of various Iooins and CHM
neys, and it occupied the space of an
ordinary wardrobe. The gong was the
size of washbowl, and was placed
a wire from the house to the coachman' 8
quarters in the stable, and noble gong
alongside his pillow.
"W9 should have been comfortable
now but for one defect. Every morn
ing at FIVE the cook opened the kitchen
door, in the way of business, and rip
went that gong! The first time this hap
pened thought the last day was come,
sure. | didn't think it in bed-no, but
out of bed--for the first effect of that
frightlul gong is to hurl you across the
mouse and slam you against the wall,
and then curl you up, and squirm you
hKe SPIDER, on stove-lid, till some
body shuts that kitchen door. In solid
fact, there is no clamor that is even re-
motelly comparable to the dire clamor
which that gong makes. Well, this cat
sstrophe happened every morning reg
ularly at five O'clock, aud lost us three
hours sleep; for, mind you, whom that
thing wakes you, it doesn't merely
wake you in spots; it wakes YOU all
over conscience aud all, and you are