The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-11-07
WIT AND HUMOR,

ed 'trdnd Old Man any more; but, II
You AK u, what his new name is to be-,
it is "A FirSt-raie Teller
mo" said Biggs, mo liquor in mine.
A stick in my lemonade alwav, makes
me feel sleepy. Then remarked
Fogg, Il suppose YOU would call it n
nod stick,
They call certain art daubs that you
can make neither top nor tail of
"studies. = because it would take a
years study to find out what the paint
er tried to do
Irving, the English actor will write a
book giving his Impressions Of Ameri-
ca. Mr.. lrying's impressions of
America will be mainly determined by
America 5 impressions Of him.
DR.. Willis announces the fact that
"mother-in-laws are not laughed at in
Persia. " Same here. He must be
bold, bad man, without any hair who
would laugh at his mother-in-law
Come away frum dat straw stack.
chile, - called negro woman to her
son "Fu,t thing yer know yer'II hab
de hay fever Doan Yer put none Oh
dat straw in yer mouf. -
So many people are dying in all parts
OF the country just now at the advanced
age OF los years, that a man at 81 feels
kind Of ba,hhll about going into 4 bar
bec shop.
A Springfield (Mass.) boy received
this dispatch from his generous HOlvOkc
girl the other day: Joe, come up; |
am full of money and will pay al ex-
penseS,
There j, one thing connected with
your table, said a drummer to a west
ern landlord, that is not surpassed by
the best hotels in Chicago" Yes, "
replied the pleasant landlord, land
what is that?' The salt"
Gentlemen" said the Texas man IN
the restaurant, when the waiter dumped
plate of hot soup down his back,
gentlemen, don't laugh" A. he had
risen 10 hi, feet and drawn two revol-
yers, his wishes were respected
A mother can call johnnie, its time
to get up for three hours without
making an impression, but when the old
man steps to the foot Of the stairs and
shouts, John. johnnie takes his break
fast with the rest Of the family.
physician said loosely to a police.
man one evening Il always feel safe
when see policeman in the evening,
for there is no danger about. Yes,
safer that feel when have a doctor
about, was the rctOrt,
Il say, jenkins, can YOU tell Young,
tender chicken from an old, tough onc?'
"Ol course | can. We'll, how do YOU
tell it?'' BY the teeth Chicken.
have no teeth, man" NO, but !
have
There are some things about the ua.
tional game which are difficult to un.
drrstand For instance. the outs al
way, occur in the innings, and when a
game is called it is not a called game.
boston Transcript
The chief of police Of Buffalo define,
a suspicion, person AS "a man standing
on n street corner with his hands in his
pockets" Fold your arms and lean
against a wall il YOU want to pass fo1
an honest man
A colorrd girl wa, heard the othe,
day 10 remark conf dontiaily to friend
Yes m. done write 20 my gemman
fren' dat de next time sci de day fun
de ceremony it'll have TO come Off an
he knows + in earnest, for put it in
paronthe,is,
A st. Louis girl stole nineteen trade
dollars aud concealed them in her
mouth, and even then had jaw room
enough left to sass the officer who came
to arrest her 50 vigorously that his HAN
jumped up and kicked his regulation
cap of.
In Scandinavia, mothers take their in.
fants to church. closely swaddled and
wrapped in fur. and bury them in the
snow-drif'> n the door, leaving little
holes for the children to breathe
through. whence from time to time is
sues a superior article of ice scream.
Upon his first visit to New York"
boastfully asserts a paper of that city,
"a western man is astonished." We'll,
we should say he is, He is more than
d'lOuIcutIs llt 10 SNI hNh hNiIiIb hIitu
he feels for his money and finds that
some pickpocket has relieved him of it.
Nashville has passed city ordinance
against fortune telling An astrologist
told an alderman that he was to marry
a widow worth $4,000. He married
one who was in debt to the tune of So
600, and he doesn want to see any one
else so basely deceived.
A young lady who visited Saratoga
this summer has had seven marriage
proposal from Young men of sense ard
wealth since her return home, She APP
peared at the hotel dinner table one day
in dress costing not over y cents a
yard.
A young society man, whose mind
was running on another subject, ac-
knowlcdgcd an evening invitation as
follows: Your kind invitation for
Thursday evening is accepted with re-
gret" And then he lay awake all
Thursday night wondering why his hos
tess treated him 50 coldly.
Two lovers in Milwaukee agreed to
commit suicide at the same hour the
other night Next morning both were
up an hour earlier than usual to look
over the paper, and their disappoint-
mpnt and diSpllst at such conduct on