Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-08-24
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.
Food for thougbt-flsb.


urday, but nobody knew him. His hair wa
cut, and he wore long trousers
The Concord philosophers went right from
their clam bake TO listen to lecture. Til
but step from the sublime to the ridiculous
Mrs. woodruff announces In a London pa
per that she is candidate for the presidepc,
OF the United States in 1884 This will be
news to the United States.
AT the recent convention of photographer:
In milwaukee, the man who offered resolu
ton that hereafter babies should be charged
only half fare was hooted on, of the assem-.
bly,.
A French stcnographer has written "A, OBJ
words on postal card. The same sort of Q
man who would eat 50 cents worth of spring
chicken at 25 cent hotel dinner.
A writer says that the potato is our most
prosaic article OF diet Yes, but it's blamed
romantic, you know, to get hold of good
one
The editor who kicked poet down stairs
apologized 10 friend who had come in ,c
steal exchanges by saying that he couldn't
help It, he had a sole for poetry
Hayes, driver Of coal truck in Milwau.
kee, is mad because his initials arc II. b. lie
says it subjects him to unnecessary and en-.
tirely uudcseryed seclusion
new color in camping shirts is called
"bullock's blood" Any CAMPER who has had
occasion to go across a tcn-acre pasture for
milk and butter will confess that mistake
has been made as to the proprietor of the
blood.
The New York G'aphic prints picture of
the birthplace of the man who invented gas.
That is too bad the enragcd popuace will
Immediately proceed to pull ii down.
Strange. that dog is safe only when he
has muzzle, aud gun only when it hasn't.
Strict mcasures-grocers'.
A vacant lot-one that doesn't draw any
thing.
First go ahead, then he sure you're right
oSShio w pe INV ii'ttp VI u bpou ulhuy peO-
pie.
An exchange advertises for 'good girl to
wash If your soap barrel is actually run
ming over, don't stop to get girl-take a
boy.
States prison executioner out Wet
calls himself the Chief executive.
Now john" said the father of the city
family TO the father of the country family,
I'VE have been spending all Summer with
you, and, as some sort of rec,mpense, we
are going 10 have some amateur theatrcals
and give you a farewell benefit" No,
thankec, Charles was the reply. Don't
wait to do that The farewell will be bene-
fit enough for me-
Mrs. Bascom's daughter wrote home from
the seaside that it was lust full of girls of
ton y and the good lady in replying eau
toned her daughter not to eat too nuch.rich
food or she would soon weigh ton too
The Springfield R1pubHtan speaks OF the
Aldermen of that city as being sin circus
assembled Pretty snide w--only one
ring.
Head. quarters-barLers' fees
A yard s,ck-a bean pole.
A noted physician says that nearly all
women have smaller chests and trunks than
they ought. Baggagcmen don't think so.
A New York man recently hanged himsel
on his birthday. He wanted 10 lend even,'
as the printers say.
A prisoner in the Jail at Norwich, Conn
recently fell dead while drawing his ralions.
He died of surprise at seeing a piece OF fresh
meat.
An advertiser in an exchange wants ian
experienced cuff turner" Most any sweaty
citizen would he able TO ill the bill, during
the dog days.
A drunken man in Philadelphia was partly
eaten by hog, the other night. Whiskey
and hogs are the two great antdotes for
snakes.
A current writer says that the colored
man can not reason. lie never stops to-,
when he sees watermelon just over the
fence.
A Connecticut school Tor boys is called
"Tbe Gunnery.' Very appropriate, as it is
one of the places where the young idea is
taught to shoot.
Diary of the Presidential party: Aug 10.
Camped at Wind river Party in good
spirits, in cases. Went fishing. Aug. l6.
Whole party went fishing. Aug, II. Fish
ing. Aug. IS. Camped In Teton Basin.
Went fishing. Aug. 10. Camped in low
mesa. No Sunday services except fishing.
Aug. 20. Good fishing. Camped on banks
of Gros Nentre river. Aug. 81 Fishing.
Many men, says an advertiser, daily
polish their boots who never give thought
TO the condition of their head" Nature has
probably polished that sufficiently
A Stanford, n. Y, man recently fell three
feet from haystack foundation on his
farm, aud broke his neck. Must be be had
| on cclluoid collar.
A Connecticut man came in haste to a
physician. and informed him that his wife
had severed her great artillery" 1t turned
out to be her wind-pipe.
AT Quito, the only city in the world on
the line of the equator, the sun sets and rises
at O'Clock the year round. A man can
have no excuse for being lac to breakfast
there.
There is a man down IN Connecticut who
has slept steadily ever since Christmas Poor
man perhaps Santa Claus stole his stocking,
and he didn't have but one pair.
II a mAn was rs strong in proportlon 10