National Republican., 1883-05-22

"a
How much for bachelor? Who wants to buy7p
In twinkle every maiden responded, IL"
In short, at highly extravagant price.
The bachelors all were sold of in a trlce.
And forty old maidcns, somo younger, soma
older,
'ch lngged an old bachelor homo on her shoul.
dor.
-Lucretid Davidson.
lacks are made at the rate of 1000 n
minute Trying to catch up with taxes -Courter.
Journal
WESTERN actress who plays Camille has
arms 80 long that they arc described as reaching
twice around Armand at every hug. making him
look ike lost man in the power Of devil fish"
BOSTON Transcript: There was profound
wisdom in the advice of that master IN
whom n former servant, grown rich went 10 ask
what he should do to appear like a gentleman,
and who answered, Wear black and keep your
mouth shut"
BOSTON minister is reported to be sea, cr.
Ing for some one 10 tell him in ten words whnt .
the new movement" In theology That is yery
essily done, says Spectator" in the Christian
Union. "Where the Spirit OF the Lord is, there ia
liberty" That is just ten words.
FIVE young ladies of Denver, Col, ride tho
bicycle man fashion, clad in black velvet knee
breeches, wooen high stockings, polo cap and a
sack coat, win low cut bicycle Shoes The Dem
yer masculines are all learning TO ride SO as to
accompany the girls In their spius. G
In Chicago one Sam Leo, a Chlnaman.
wishing to link his fortunes with Mary stadkey
German girl applied for a marriage license. Re-.
fore Sam was sworn the clerk asked him If he
believed In God. "Bleve God? You bettee I
oleve,' was the answer, and the license was ac.
cordlngly given him.
For some mysterious reason the Berlin
police have Just seized Boccaccio's "Decameronv
a number OF functionares suddenly appeared at
the publishing house of Messrs. Hoffman, ana
carried off every copy they could find of soltun's
German translation; strange proceeding, con.
sidering that the work has been III free crcula.
ton for more than twenty years.
CERTAIN brands of tobacco sold in this citv
have attached to the plugs round pieces of tin
which become scattered about on tho street. In
an uncertain light they resemble ten cent pieces
and the narrowing feeling that possibly you NAV
have overlooked genuine dime rather than take
the chances Of being laughed at for picking them
up keeps man in cold sweat most of the time
Ihey should be prohibited by law.-PoSt- Express.
THAT was a novel complaint which an
"elderly man preferred in IL London police court>
few days ago. He declared that his son, who
had large family, had insisted upon burying his
deceased children in grave which the complain
ant had purchased for himself THE conse.
quence will be-" said the elderly man, /" that by.
and-by there won't be room for me; aud that's a
very uncomfortable thought for a man who has
taken the trouble TO provide q last resting. place
for himself as l have done. It's too bad, YOU
know"
"MAcKEY, of Nevada" cable me,senes
from Berlin announces, Twill attend the corona.
ia atn. oA1
Mackay accompanies her husband and takes
fifteen court dresses" This news is important but
perplexing. Why should Mrs. Mackay take fifteen
dresses to wear at the coronation? Perhaps she
Will wear them oil at once as q safeguard against
the as'assin's bullet or flying bits of exploded
bombs. The lady's courage is admirable. The
nihilists may scare the car into postponing the
ceremony, but they can't scare Mrs Mackay II
Nevada out Of her determination to exhibit thoe
fifteen new drsses, If 1t takes l--mb.
ROCHESTER Post-Express.- Rev. Mr.. Tai.
mage says the principal occupation in heaven
VIII be singing. In the other place we UNDER
stand II Will be singeing The report that pro-
crstination is the thief Of time Is not correct It
is the poet who sang, ~ love to steal awhile
away. .As q boy, Lord Byron was very fat. We
understand, though, that he has since lost his
superhuous hesh....It is said that some New
Workers now die of old age before they reach the
prime Of life....When mans heart leaps into
his throat he is not necessarily light hearted
Lotus club cook has been fined $40 for cutting
off cats tail. We do not believe such an act is
any worse than cutting off an ox's TAIL but we
wouldn't care to eat any OF the soup.
New ORLEANS Picdyune: The fea-biting
dog seldom barks, He is TOO busy. :. Cincinnati
has flute player named Strilly Beng. The man
Of check must be taken at his face value Sun
day cyclones are the worst known in the wind
line The original Uncle Toms have commenced
dying OFT Circus leapers king early starts
for backward spring. Crushed strawberry
color will be succeeded by smashed tomato 80.
Ship loads Of whisky are going to Bermudns by
the Hundreds. The time II takes to climb a
fence depends upon the size OF the dog. List
has stiff finger that tells him he has PLAYED the
piano long enough. Kate Field is going to Chi.
cago TO live, and will undoubtedly start something
there. 1.-The man who died with fan IN his hand
wanted TO make sure OF something for the future.
IT is a pity that all whistlers were not
made to keep company with Morere, the tenor, in
lunatic asylum. He is incuraby mad over his
pet hobby-whistlng For years he cultivated
that faculty until he was able 10 emit blast
that would frlghten the cab horses on the boule-
wards of Paris and drive cornet players wild with
envy. Once he was arrested and fined for dis
turbing the public peace, when he had only wbis-
tied an air while walking home from the opera
loud enough, however, to wake up every one
within half mile, more or less. On another oc.
casion he was singing in Faust" at the Grand
Opera, and having cold. gave some false notes.
The audience hissed, Down he sprang into the
orchestra, and cried; "since you have begun to
hiss, let me tell you that you don't understand
the art in the least Now listen" Then ne gave
n whistle minute long and loud enough TO mako
a caliope sick. There was no more Kissing, and
the opera went on. At present no believes him
self commissioned 10 learn to whistle loud enough
to drown the sounds of locomotive and all the
bells of Nore Dame together; aud as he practices
faithfully ten hours day his fellow-lunatics in
the asylum are most worthy objects Of pity.
Mr.. GEORGE ERRINGToN. the accredited
agent OF the British government at the vatican,
whose diplomacy has induced the pope TO inter.
fere in the Irish difficulties against the Parnell.
ite cause is OF English descent, Dnt owns large q.
tates in Ireland. He Is member Of parliament
for the county of Longford, the other member
being Mr.. Justin Mccarthy, the we'll known
writer and the author Of "The History of Our
own Times" Mr.. Errington is in politics home
ruler of the milder stripe, and intense admirer
Of Mr.. Gladstone and bis policy. lie lives in
London In tho Albany, is a member OF the Reform
club, and is we'll known In society. Several years
ago he was employed upon emi.dlplomatio
mission 70 the vatican by Lord Granville, but tho
non.recogniuon Of tho mporAl power Of the
pope by England has com ntly stood In. the way
of the aOnOiulmaut ~ 10