Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-03-26

ought to, but for the sake of the
young ones I've borne it and said
nothing. I've told him, though,
what he might depend on, and now
the times come / won't stand it,
young ones or no young ones. I'll
have divorce, and if the neighbors
want to blab themselves hoarse about
it they may, for | won't stand it
another day
''But what's the matter? Don't
your husband provide for you? Isn't
he true to you? Don't he treat you
kindly?" pursued the lawyer.
sWe get victuals enough, and l
don't know but he's as true and kind
as men in general; and he never
knocked one of us down. | wish he
had, then I'd get him into Jail and
know where he was at nights" re-
torted the woman.
''Then what's your complaint
against him?"
"Well, if you must know, he's one
of them plaguey jiners."
IA what?''
ga jiner. One of them pesky
fools that's always jining something.
There can't nothing come along that's
dark and sly and hidden, but he'll
jine it. If anybody should get up a
society to burn his house down, he'd
jine it as soon as he could get in, an
if he had to pay to get in he'd go in
all the suddener. We hadn't been
married more'n two months before he
jined the Know Nothins. We lived
on farm then, and every Saturday
night he'd come tearin' in before sup
per, and grab a fstfull of nut cakes
and go off gnawing 'em, and that's
the last I'd see of him till mornin.
And every other night he'd roll and
tumble in his sleep, and holler, Put
none but Americans on guard, George
Washington and rainy days he'd
90 out in the corn-barn and jab at a
picture of the pope with an old bay
onet that was there. / ought to put
my foot down then; but he fooled
me so with his lies about the pope's
coming to make all the Yankee girls
marry Irishmen, and eat up all the
babies that weren't born with crosses
on their foreheads, that | let him 90
on and kinder encouraged him in it.
Then he jined the Masons. P'raps
you know what them be, but don't,
'cept they think they're the same kind
of critters that built Solomon's tenn
pie and took care of his concubines :;
and all the darned nonsense and CAB
about worshipful masters, and squares
and compasses and sich like that we
had in the house for the next six
months, you never see the beat
And he's never ontgrown it nuther.
What do you think of man, squire,
that'll dress himself in white apron,
bout big enuff for a monkeys bib,
! and go marching up and down max
ing motions and talking foolishest
lingo at picture of George Wash
ington in green jacket, and a truss
on his stomach? Amt he loony-
tick? Well, that's my Sam, and
I've stood it long as I'm goiug to.
The next lug the fool made was
into the Odd Fellows. | made il
warm for him when he came home
and told he'd jined them; but he
kinder pacified me by telling that
they had sort of branch show thai
took women, and he'd get me in as
soon as he found out how to do it
Well, one night he come home ant
said I'd been proposed and some
body had black balled me- Did i
hisself, of course. Didn't want m,
around knowing to his goings on. o.
course he didn't, and | told him so.
'sThen he jined the sons Of Malta
Didn't say nothing to me about it
but sneaked off one night pretending
he'd got to set up with sick Odt
Feller; and I'd never found it ou
only he come home looking like
man that had been through a thresh
ing machine, and / wouldn't do
| thing for him till he owned up. Ant
so its gone on from bad to wus, ant
from wus to wusser, jinin' this, tha
and t'other, till he's worshippe,
, Minister of the Masons, and Goodies
of Hope of the Odd Eellers, an
: Sword-swaller of the Finnegans
!. Virgin Cereus of the Grange, an
: Grand Mogul of the Sons of Indo
lence, and Twoedged Tomahawk Q
: the United Order of Black Men, an
!, the Talebearer of the Merciful Man
o nikins, and Skipper of the Guide c
d Catherine Columbus, and Big Wiz
d zard of the Arabian Knights, an
u Pledge-passer of the Reform Clul
: and Chief Bugler of the Irish Machir
lists, and Purse-keeper of the Ordt
of the Canadian Conscience, an
: Double-barrel Dictator of the knight
:" of the Brass Circles, and Standal
ne Bearer of the Royal Arehangles, an
at Sublime Porte of the Onion Leagu
and Chambermaid of the Celeste
re Cherubs, and Puissand Pofentate