The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1883-10-31
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

a mutt 19 Qe1lncd as lulnS WHICH
holds a girls hands and don't squeeze it,"
Correct; and any fellows "a mutf" who
will hold q girls hand without squeezing
it.
Emory Storrs is said to possess 800
neckties. What advantage to him If ne
gain q thousand nccktics and loses his W
collar-button under the bureau ?-NeW
York Graphic.
A scientist asks: elbow was man dis
tributcd on the earth?" Well, brother,
Judging from a painful experience, we
would say it was by means of m lnsid-
ious banana peel.
Almost any man will forgethi i ten-dollar
umbrella when he leaves q restaurant;
but give q woman a parasol worth 81 and
take her into fifty restaurants, and she
will not forget it once.-Pue&.
Whipplc, the cssayist, defines poetry
as "the protest of genius against the
reality of life" When a poet gets kicked
out of the editors sanctum it is the pro-
test of the reality of life againt genius
| LoweU Courier.
"What shat I write about?" asked a
young reporter of the managing editor.
HOh. write about the first thing that
comes to hand" was the brief order.
The scribe drew pay for an article on
door-knobs.- Chicago Inter- ocean.
It is one of the unexplainable things
of moral ethics how people decide so
promptly as to how little rain and bad
weather it takes to keep them away from
prayer-meeting; and how much Is re,
quired to keep them away from a good
show.
"No, sir" said the young lawyer who
was paving attention to o fair maiden,
"no, sir, I don't like a circuit court:
There's no fun in being chased around
the house by q cross dog before getting
q chance to dive in the front door,
Mew York Journal.
"Do you know why you and George
remind me of two shades of one color?"
asked a young lady of a companion who
had been engaged for q good many years.
"No," was the reply. "IE tell you,
then; it's because you don't match "
Philadelphia Call.
When an editor in Japan stays out
with the boys all night, or attends a last
spike banquet, or encounters some other
obstacle that sets him back in his edi-
torial work, the paper goes to press on
time with two or three blank columns
and an unusually large edition IS sold.-
Norristoun Herald.
A gentleman visiting q school had q
book put into his hand for the purpose OF
examining a class. The word "inherlt-
ance" occurring in a verse, the querlst
Intercepted one Of the youngsters as
follows: "What is patrimony2" Some;
thing left by a father" What would
o call it if left by a mother" "Matrl'
mony."
A Norristown married man can heavily
discount Vcnnor as a prognostlcator.
When the former starts for home at
o'clock in the morning he always pre-
diets q "storm" within an hour, and
never made o miss but once, and then ne
found his wife sound asleep when he
reached home. Next morning she de.
clared that she had been drugged.-
N0rristoun Herald.
"What are you doing thcrcl" de,
mandcd a policeman of a man who sat
on a fence bowling. "That Teller in the
house shot my dog because he howled
and I'm carrying out the dogs contract.
I'm going to howl here until / think the
dor's death has been sufficiently avenged.
If he shoots nc my SON. will howl out my
contract, and if further harm should be,
fall nv family my wife will come out and
howl till he can't rest. Oh, but we are
howlers "-Arkansaw Tlareler.