Milford chronicle., 1883-02-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

SAYS the Florida ItWcs, Dut VIC van
beat the world on pension list.
A MAN told his tailor that he wouldn't
pay for 'that last epilepsy. 1t was
discovered that the man meant "bad
fit"
AT a bal masque a Jolly girl said to her
partner, " You like to waltz, Monsieur
"Iadore it. "Then why did you never
learn? ?"
If YOU want an example of thorough
non.partisanship, take the members OF a
brass. band during the campaign. -Lo'0-
Ell citizen.
If you kant trust a man for the iuh
amount, let him skip. This trying to
git an average on honesty has always been
a failure. Josh Billings.
In Maine they are finding diamond
pins in the old oak trees. The hotel
clerk of New England appears to have
attended picnics at very early period.
IRIS said of Frank James that he
never killed man unless he felt it was
positivelv necessary. This relieves him
of much suspicion. Free Press
sDoUeErERBY says his wife hasn't done
very much shopping this winter, al
though she did go down town the other
day to buy muff ''iust to keep her
hand in ,,,,
LIaHrvnSa recently struck telegraph
pole and ran along into the Office at
Coatsville. Ind, when the operator
seated at the instrument exeitedly tele-
qraphed back, "don't send so fast
IT IS related as a singular fact that fat
men never commit crime. 1t doesn't
seem so singular when you reflect that
if Is difficult for fat man to stoop to do
anything low.
They found a crazy man in the State
House gallery the other day, and the at
tendant respectfully said: =" You've
made a mistake, sir. Your place is down
stairs. boston Post.
PASSIONATE Love II tell you, ex-
claimed Brown, " that Charley is Whoiiy
unselfsb in his affection he loves the
verv eround that she walks on" " Yes
renlied Foge. "when she is walking on
her fathers estate.
THE tramp who tried to steal a passage
from Albany to New York remarked
when he picked himself from the snow
bank into which the muscular brakeman
had deposited him, ''that he didn't care
to be threw passenger agaln.
A FREvcHMAN claims that he has m
vented a system by which he can cause
three and two to make six. This mVen-
tion IS not original with him, however.
II was first discovered by the American
government while negotiating with lne
Indians IL, ~
THE amount Of stationery which har-
ward and Yale have used this winter :"
endeavoring to settle the terms
nroposed race next summer W
egtima'1rl.provide each crf
boat one hundred
long and two feet six and thfee'9d'f'er
inches wide.
AN African traveller gives a thrilling
account of vegetable vampire "a
tree which envelops a person with its
branches and strangles him to death.
The nearest approach we have IN TINS
country to vegetable vampire IS tno
" dead beat, " who also lives upon otnels'
-NorristoaCn Herald.
LITTLE Paul is at the Paris Geological
Gard ems. in front of the monkeys cages.
Pereeiving youth dressed in most re-
markable style, who is coming toward
him he cings close to his mothers
Gown ooh. mamma, he cries, "here
Is cpe who has got out of the cage T.
CIV going to a masquerade ball this
evening and I want an appropriate
dress " he said to the costumer. What
= ,,o,,, business ooh, I'm milk
man "Ahl Then you'd better put
ON a pair Of pumps and go disguised as a
waterfall. ''-Nelo York Commercial
" WnnY1sf. my son, says an economi-
ool r,otI,er 10 her son. 50 for mercy's sake
don't keep on tramping up and down tne
aoor in that manner-you wear oue
vour new boots. (He sits do,Oa.) There
Won eo-sitting down Now, you'll wear
ont your new trousers declare,
never see such a boy
LADY taking tea at a small company,
being very fond Of hot rolls, was asked
10 have another. Really, 1 cannot,
sbe modestly replied, 81 don't know
how many I have eaten already. II
do - unexpectedly cried a juvenile up
start. whose mother had allowed him
seat nj the table. you've eaten eight;
I've been a countin' =
YOUNG wife who had acquired the
habit Of calling upon her husband for
statement Of his receipts and expendi-
tnreg for the current week, was after
while met with the impatient exclama-
ton. "see here I support this house,
don't L? earn the money, don't 4
s. Yes. answered the young wife rehect-
ively, "but then, you know, I save IT.
SCENE in court: "Now, Mrs. Blank,
Won saw that on that day at noon you
saw a woman ride past your house at
furious pace. and you have given us
detailed description Of her costume
please tell us what was the color Of the
horse p "I do not remember. Well,
was the woman white or black !" II