Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-05-31
PLEAS-A-NT'REES.

thing IN Wisconsin
mo LIBRARY is complete without it.
the feather buster.
A SOUND suggestion-Neyer turn
deaf ear to telephone.
BASE bawl is always seasonable with
a country church choir.
DARN fool, says Hsrkins, who was
vexel at his wife, so mote it be, said
Mrs. H., hourishing darning- needle;
whereabouts are you worn out?"
DO YOU see any grapes, Bob?7 "Yes,
but there is dogs" Big dogs, Bob?"
eyes, very big" Then come along
these grapes are not ours, you know"
a FELLOW must SOW his wild oats.
you know" exclaimed tho old Adde'S
cent John. yes, replied Annie, but
one shouldn't begin sowing so soon after
cradling.7
NEVER use slang. Is may not always
apply. Listen, as A. comes into BIS
room. Says B.; How do you like my
new shoes?' A.-"Ob, they're i'm
mense!"
Few lawyers, +" says an English
wr;ter, "have ever been invested with
the Order of the Garter" This shows
that that kind of garter was not intend
ed for climbs of the Iaw. "-BoSto7a
Globe.
4 LIQUoR-sELLER presented his bill
to the executor of p deceased customers
estate, asking, DO you wish my bill
sworn to-" No." said she executor,
the death of the deceased is sufficient
evidence that he had the liquor.
4 THOUGHT" remarked the victim.
after the dentist had dragged him
around the room several times, Il
thought you advertised 80 extract teeth
without pain?" $50 do, sir, replies
the operator, blandly; "ib doesn't hurt
me at all to yank 'em!"
"WHY do you go to shose Iow-down
resorts ?" asked one man Of another Il
go to study character" was the reply.
We'll, all have to say is, shat it would
be greater study TO discover any char
aeter in the frequenter OF such places
than to study it after you have found it. :"
The Drummer.
my dear" said Mr.. Jones to his
wife, you are mighty f1ee so call every
body fool. Can you tell mao what a
fool looks hke?" Yes, I can, but I
won't" she replied, angrily. why
not, love?" Because you can look in
the glass and see for yourself. That's
the way I found out. Cincinnati
Drummer.
A FATHER has been complaining to
friend of the family OF the conduct of
his prodigal son. You ough5 to reason
with him seriously" says the friend of
the family. so do! So have" says
the father in despair, "but it has no eff
feet. The young scoundrel viii listen
to nobody that isn't fool Like himself
1 want you to go and talk wish him!'
The hair of girl employed in an
Eastern cotton mill was caught ia the
machinery, torn off her head and ground
into bits But the girl didn't mind it
much. She kept right on at her work
simply remarkinG that it only cost 81,
anyhow. This is one of the advantages
Of art over nature. Her
aid.
AN uninforned Irishman, hea1ing the
Sphinx alluded to in company, whis
pered to friend: Sphinx? Who's he,
now?" "a monster man" 20, Mum
ster man? I thought he came from
Connaught, " replied the Irishman, de-
termined not to seem totally unac
quainted with the family.-Ba1gljSh
T5dbjtS.
my hearers" began the lecturer, Il
trust :" Before he could proceed
farther babel of voices shouted:
Wen trade with you, mister; we'll
trade with you. Never you fear that"
The ignorant citizens thought he was
going to open a grocery In town, and
that he had risen to announce the fact.
Transcript.
"DoN'T you think shat was a convinc-
ing sermon?" asked a friend of Yeast
as they were slowly making their way
out of the Rev. Mr.. Jericho's church
on Sunday. Convincing? Well, I
should say So" replied Yeast, with
yawn. "He fully convinced me that he
hadn't the slightest idea of what he was
talking about "-YonkerS Statesman.
"MR. SPEAKER, said an Arkansas
legislator, Il am compelled to ask for
leave of absence, having just received a
II III