Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-08
SQUIBS.

ana oU.
The hand that rocks the cradle is the
one that makes spank-aches.
How singular that baby's 1st 9th
should come 4th.
Slang is always Objectionable. In
stead of saying, GA dead give away
we would advise you to say ga post
humous donation.
The husband is called the head of
the family only by those young writ
ers who haven't had any experience
in married life.
Lit won't do for a married man to
say to his wife, "Never mind" She is
apt to take him at his word.
Being married made Pennsylvania
youth insane. If he never RECEIVERS
be will miss a great deal Of trouble.
Alaska girls have trick of cutting
button holes in their upper lips. But
no Alaska man has yet had the nerve
to sew bottom on his wife's lower
lip.
Philadelphia ladies are learning
base ball; one of them has caught her
husband out several times already.
The ladies who fed out coffee and
cakes In Ohio on election day all say
with one accord: cit is just too dread
ful the way the men will tell fbs how
they are going to vote"
NE" said the eloping woman;
"theCe isn't the least likelihood that
nay husband will discover our where
| abouts. He's a New York detective. >
| The fail of man was in the fall of
the year. Adam was fired from the
garden when the apples were ripe.
An excited organ of the cremation
lists declares that the Underta9xers'
Union has been running the thing in
to the ground long enough.
| 4 Connecticut woman has written
to the emperor of Brazil and asked
him if he went please emancigate the
slaves of that country. He Will prob
ably do SO to oblige her.
A trades2nan having bought door
mat with the word ''salve" (welcomel
In the center, a country relative, Oh
seeing the mat, remarked: It say,
| Cousin John, what kind Of salve is
that you advertise on your door mat9"
| In this world nothing is lost. The
firm which cast Bartholdi's statute of
Liberty has preserved the moulds of
/ the feet and will send them to Chi
cago wood-cutting house to be used as
models Tor shoe-lasts.
mo" said mamma, 1--WE can have
no idea of what God is; he is beyond
our comprehension" Mamma" re-
piled little Edith, 'Tfink know what
bod is like; he must be like bis'op,
only p'aps not quite so gwand." )"
An oyster will live to the age of 26
years That is, in the sea he Will. In
the restaurant the chances are decided
| ly against him. Sometimes he lasts
long time in the restaurant; oh, a
very long time. But he does not live
nearly SO long as he lasts.
Monsignor Capel says what strikes
him most in this country is the sauci-
ness Of the children. He paid a call
| On Baltimore women in company
with the Archbishop, and her 4-year-
old boy greeted that prelate with a
kind ''How do, Archl''
Papa, can't go to the store and
get me a new dress?" 'FWhy, child,
you have. got plenty of good dresses. y
Yes, papa, but papa, they are out of
style" =" Nonsense, girl! the trees al
ways come out in the same style every
spring, don't they?" Eyes, papa,
and they always look green, too. :"
'All right, go to the store and get a
dress"
II trUst your daughter is not one of
those tame, spiritless sort of girls that
sometimes apply to us for situations
and are too bashful to ELL them, " said
a Boston shopkeeper to a father who
was seeking employment for one of
his children. tSir." he replied,
Indignantly, my daughter has red
hair"
You're about as near a fool as you
can possibly be, YeastT' exclaimed
Crlmsonbeak, becoming excited, while
he and his neighbor were talking poll
tics the other morning.
''Yes, Mr.. Crimsonbeak, fully re-
alize that I am altogether too near one
to suit me. ] guess will move on
Good morning.
Emperor William is said to have
very extensive wardrobe, some of the
articles having been in his possession
and use for twenty-five years. The
Emperor's wife is very different from
other women, or else plaster of paris
image vendors never call with busts
of Napoleon and Bismarck, which
they offer to exchangefor secondhand
clothing.
He'd been waltzing with his hosts
ugly elder daughter, and was In a cor
ner repairing damages. Here he was
espied by his would be papa-in-law.
"She is the flower of my family, sir"
sad the latter. 80 it seems" answer
ed the young man. ''Pity she comes
OFF so, amt it?" he continued, as he
assayed another vigorous rub at the
White spots on his coat sleeve.
Probable Partisan Life.
Paris Letter.