The Delaware ledger., 1883-08-11
Wit and Humor.


native town, has just started on his
first journey. He was in hearse.
A compositor who was puzzling over
one of Horace Greeley's manuscripts,
sagely and savagely observed .''If Bel
shazzar had seen this handwriting on
the wall, he would have been more ter
rifed than he was"
A New York State man who tried a
! flying machine of his own invention last
week had no advice TO give to those
who crowded around. All he said was
"WOrk in 'durned fool somewhere on
my tombstone ?"
What is the best thing to hold when
you get out of temper2 Your tongue.
What kind of essenos does young
man like when he pops the question ?
Acquiescence.
Mark Twain remarks that all we
need to possess the finest navy in the
world is ships-for we have plenty of
water.
A Western editor alludes to rival as
a person entirely devoid of bigotry in
medical affairs, having allopsthic feet
and homeopathic head.
The need of the age is not only a
stronger nail, but also a nail that can
be driven by woman. One with a
head about the size of trade dollar.
A great many men remain awake
during the sermon until the minister
straightens up and says, "But one word
more and am done" Then they start
in for a long nap.
"You Just take bottle of my medi-
cine," said a quack doctor to con-
sumptive, "and you'll never cough
again. SIS it so fatal as that 2' gasped
the consunptiye.
'What brought you to prison my
colored friend 2' said Yankee to a
darkey. 1.-Two constables, sab. :" eyes /;
but | mean had intemperance anything
to do with it ?" "Yes, sab dey was bof
of 'em drunk"
''Pa," said little four-year-old boy,
after running in the house the other
evening, "are you an old dude ?" ''No,
indeed, am not. Why did you ask 2''
"'Causea feller just now come along
the pavement and said was IA young
dude. >"
An old Irish soldier, who prided him
self upon his bravery, said he had fought
in the battle of Bull Run. When asked
If he had retreated and made good his
escape, as others did on that famous Oc
casion, he replied "Those that didn't
run are there yit -
A Partisan lady, who is soon to be
remarked, has "a little daughter eight
or nine years old. One of the little
girls friends invited her to dinner for
the following Tuesday. "Oh, can't on
Tuesday," replied the child, with most
important air 81 marry mamma on that
day p
The most gauzy story ever presented
to the credulity of the American public,
says the San Francisco Post, is that ilIa
recent stage robbery in Montana an editor
who was passenger was robbed of 81. 80
and had 5000 that was not taken. The
inside facts are that he had the 81. 80 in
the toe of his sock and the 5000 in his
mind.
PAID IN HIS OWN COlN.-The presi-
dent of defunot savings bank of Chi
cago got into hack and rode to tha
central depot. Upon arrival at his des-
tination, the driver said Fare, please
one dollar" As the regular charge is
only fifty cents, the indignant passenger
at once demanded of the "Jehu, -
"What do you take me for p" ''Fifty
centson the dollar, sir; | was afraid to say
only fifty cents for the ride, for fear you
would want to settle with me for only
twenty-five cents, that being fifty per
cent, aud the rate at which you settled
with your other creditors" The hack
man got his dollar, and the ex. banker
got something he had not thought OF
before.
Western humor will siss and bubble
under any and all circumstances. Now,
who but westerner would think of
making the track of the awful cyclone
the subject of Joking comment, but he
does it, and very cleverly, too. Here
are some of the things which a CORES
pondent of the st. Louis Republican
says happened during recent visitation:
The turning of well wrong side out in
Mississippi moving township lines III
Nebraska blowing all the slaves out
of a whisky barrel in Iowa and leaving
the bung-hOle changing the day of the
week in Wisconsin snatching twelve
shirts out of Henry Clay Deans trunk
at Rebel Cove; killing an lonest
Indian agent in the far West twisting
the tail of a mule in Texas; lifting
David Davis off the political fence in
Illinois; numbering a man contrary
to law in Kentucky; blowing the
crack out of fence in Dakota, and
all the schism out of a church choir in
Minnesota.
| Birds of the Hebrides,