The Ottawa free trader., 1883-11-03

4Il :. tNll'lpi'N.ll'lN nv S''' p'N ''' ''N~'
caught n ler own trap, anu made no
turl cr resistance.
"NNhcre's the step ladder?' asked
Mr Spoopculyke cheerIully Bring
me the Dor able Tower of Babel, and |
will frcsco this wall with the finest of
modern arl.s.ic enOrt,."
Mrs. Spoop ndyNc lugged the step
ladder upstairs, and Mr.. Spoopcndyke,
having arranged his string. mounted to
take uUwn the old gentleman picture
with view to the proposed removal.
Look out YOU don't fall, dear, sug-
gestcd Mis-. Spoopendyke, forgetting
her defeat in hcr sOllctudc Tor her nus
band.
That's all right smiled Mr.. Spoop-
endync from his perch. You just quit
rcOsling on that bottom round like q
non, and | will get on without any
! further trouble.
! Mrs. Spoopendyke jumped off the
! ladder. but her dress caught on the
istnp, and down came Mr.. Spoopendyke
( Ike bundle of soIcd clotneS, rolling
/ on the carpet and trying to get clear OF
the Ia der that had rolled after him
and mincd itself up with him 50 taat
/ it was difficult to tell which was
which.
.WHat did YOU let 20 for?' yelled
NJ. Spoopendyke, trying to get his ell
bow out Of his mouth and still strug-
gljAg with the ladder. Didn't | tell
We to hold on? Think | don't know
how to get of ladder when | get
ready? S'pose | want 4 ladder turned
bottom upwards when | want to get
down. Take it off, he roared, salts
{, inc himself that he was powerless.
IF YOU want to see Il ladder climb up
Spoopcndykc, stand me up against the
wall and give me Il show. Dod gaSt
that ladder!' and he rammed his legs
between two of the rounds in his efforts
to free himself, and, finding one leg
caught. drove the other after it to keep
it company.
WAT minute, dear, pleaded Mrs.
Spoopcndyke. tagging away at the lad
der. but tactlv admitting thar she was
not equal to the task. Keep perfect
IS quiet and will get you out. y
"How'm to keep sti,l!' howlcI Mr.
Spoopcndyke, naturally rescnting any
assistance from his wife, at the same
time recognizing his help'cssness.
"How'm to keep quiet when you're
pulling my legs out like Il pair of teeth?
Let 30! Pull it around and loose that
foot! Drop it, cant ye? Don't yc
know enough to straighien that leg be-
fore YOU twist it off? What's the mat
ter with YOU anyway?' and with vi
cious wrench, Mr.. Spoopendykc CON
lrived to free himself from the ladder
and assume perpendicular.
Let the picture 90. dear, cooed
Mrs. Spoopendykc. "You can fix il
some other time.
mo time like the present" hissed
Mr. Spoopendyke, jamming the ladder
against the wall and mounting once
rlore. Never put off father-in-law
until tomorrow that you can get away
with to-day! Now you hold that thing
tight, or YOU will be apt to be 4 widow
between this and the time it takes to
sweep me up" and Mr.. Spoopendykc
seeing that his wife had n death grip
on the ladder. took the picture from
the wall and began to descend eau
tiously.
Shall | take the picture, dcar?'
asked Mrs. Spoopendykc, letting 60
the ladder and holding up ker hands
for the painting
Mr.. Spoopendyke turned to hand it
to her, and losing his balance once
more came to the floor with n crash.
"Got t?" shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke,
rs the ladder again ioppled over on
him and he saw a repetition of his
former mishap. Think We got the
measly picture? Got notion that We
saved enough to collect the insurance
on? If the picture is safe" he contin-
ued in subducd and melancholy
voice, ''if the picture is safe, never
mind me. I'm all right. I'm meas
ly virgin and my lamp is filled and run
ming over on the carpet. Never mind
the step ladder. Where am now go
ing, shall hop around on dod gasted
wings, and will do the Masters will
without any idiot of wife TO hold the
golden stairs for me! Goodbye, dear.
When they ask for me- tell 'em | am a
saintcd angel with feathers for stirrups
and gone to that realm where the meas
ly pictures cease from troubling and
the dod gasted step ladders do not
break in and corrupt! Going to lift
that thing off me, or are you going to
use it for Il tombstonc9 Either mark it
'Hic Jacet Spoopendykc,' or take it
away before begin to exercise my SUI
pernatural strength and kick it into the
realms of eternal bliss, where the lad
der biteth like a-!' and here with
prodigious kick. Mr.. Spoopcndyke sent
the ladder to the nethermost part of the
room and rose TO his feet foaming.
Never mind the pictures, dear, sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke. you leave
it with me and I'll hang them to-mor-
row."
"Oh, you'll do it, 'howled Mr.. Spoop-
endykc, whirlng on his heel and COM
ing down hard on his own photograph
which he had carefully laid on the floor
''lou are the one to hang it! Trust
You for thing of that kind! II you
had wire along. your ceiling and a
catalogue in Your ear, you ii only want
Il tin type and row TO be an academy
OF design" and with this complicated
description of his wifc's few failings,
Mr.. Spoopcndyke shot into bed rs if he