davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
The Revolving Mule.

We referred short time ago to
joke once played on the war depart
ment by the late Capt. Derby, or John
Phoenix, as he was known in literary
circles. The Baltimore American gives
the following particulars jeff Davis,
who was secretary of war, issued a
general invitation to officers of the
army who were skillful draughtsmen to
send in suggestions for the new uniform
which it had been decided to adopt
One such invitation was sent to each
officer. Lieut.. Derby was very ready
with his pen-a really ingenious artist.
In reply he sent to the war department,
not exactly n design for II new uniform,
but n peculiar addition to the old uni
form, the amendment consisting merely
of ring attached to the seat of the
trousers of each private soldier. Each
officer was to carry, instead of a sword,
II long pole with II hook in the end,
like n shepherds crook. The pole and
ring enabled officers to keep priyates
from running away in battle. Fugi-
tives could be easily caught by it and
brought back stragglers could be
kept in line. Moreover, the ring would
he very useful in cavalry service to
fasten soldiers to the saddle, to prevent
them from falling off, and in the artil-
lery the ring was to be used for draught
purposes, in the absence of mules.
These specifications were accompanied
by the most grOtesque pictures, repre-
senting officers hauling back cowardly
recruits by the serviceable ring, cavalry
securely fastened to the tops of their
steeds by the same device, and artillery
men harnessed to cannon, drawing
them through narrow defiles or up an
acclivity inaccessible to mules. On
another sheet of Bristol-board was an
| illustration in gaudy cOlOrs of "Derby's
Rotary Mule Howitzer,' accompanied
by written inscription to this effect
"UpOn the back of a young and vigi-
liant mule strap a mountain hOwitzer,
the muzzle pointing towards the tail.
A similar piece of ordnance is fastened
with iron bands under the animals ab-
dOmen, the muzZle aimed between his
fOrelegs to the front. There are four
! gunners-twO to each piece-and 4
'persuader,' as he is called, whose bus
mess it is to persuade the mule to stand
firm and not retreat by stut1ing him
with oats, after each discharge with II
tin sausage stutfer. When Indians or
other Legitimate game appear in view,
the mule is, by crank movement on
the tail, brought to the front. 1t don't
make any difference which way the
mule faces-and here is where my
patent comes in-One gun is always
pointing toward the front. AT the
command Fire y the top howitzer is
discharged. The recoil throws the
mule on his back, bringing the second
gun in position. This is discharged,
which suddenly throws the mule Oh
his feet again, when the gunners swab
out the mules throat with hay and
reload" The illustrations which ac-
cOmpanied these directiOns-in brown,
red, blue and gold, and still on file in
the war department-represe the
rotary mule in several different atti-
tndes, looking contented and happy all
the time.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21

OF course it would not be policy for me
to explain all the mechanism, but I'll
give you an idea of the process. Into
the first machine is put the yolk mix
ture-n
"What is that 9r | asked.
''Well, it's mixture of Indian meal,
corn starch and several other ingredi-
ents. 1t is poured into the opening in
II thick, mushy state, and is formed by
the machine into ball and frozen. In
this condition it passes into the other
box, where it is surrounded by the
white, which is chemically the same
as the real egg. This is also frozen,
and by a peculiar rotary motion of the
machine an oval shape is impaired to
1t, and it passes into the next Iecepta-
Gle, where it receives the thin, filmy
skin. After this it has only to 90 into
the sheller, where it gets its last coat
i'll the shape of plaster of paris shell,
tritie thicker than the genuine article.
Then it goes out on the drying trays,
where the shell dries ut once and the
inside thaws out gradually. 1t be-
comes, to all appearances, n real egg"
GLOW many eggs can you turn out
in day ?"
"Well, as we are running now, we
turn out a thousand or so every hour
"Many orders p
"Why, bless your soul, yes. We
cannot fill one-half of our orders. All
we can make now are taken by two
New York Wholesale grocers alone.
We charge SI3 per thousand for them,
and they retail at all prices from
twelve to thirty cents per dozen. We
sell only to the Wholesale houses. |
suppose plenty of those eggs are eaten
in Newark as well as other places.
Col. Zulick, Billy Wright, Honest An
drew Albright, Joe Haines, Judge
johnson, Judge Henry, and all New
ark's candidates for governor are living
on them. They are perfectly harmless,
and as substantial and wholesome as Il
real egg. The reason we made the
machinery of wood is because we found
that the presence of metal of any kind
spoiled the flavor and prevented the
cooking Of the eggs"
"Can they he boiled ?"
"Oh, yes" and he called one of the
men. ''Here, jim, boil this gentleman
an egg"
''Can they be detected 7" | inquired
while the bogus egg was being boiled
81 hardly think that anybody would
be likely to observe any difference I'M
less he happened to be well posted, Il.
they look and taste like the real thing
We can, by little fiavOring, max,
them taste like goose or duck eggs, o
course altering the size. They viii
keep for years. That one you hav,
just eaten was nearly year old. They
never spoil nor become rotten, and
being harder and thicker in thei
shells, they will stand shipping better
than real eggs. We calculate that in {
few years we will run the hens of tn,
country clean out of business, as oleO
margarine has driven ont butter"
Not only artificial eggs, equal to th'
best hen-laid, are now produced, bu
S. Brown of Greatneck, L. l., writes t,
a New York paper that he hatcher
chickens from them, real barn var,
chickens, but uses cold instead of heat
"Some persOns," he says, "may thinl
| am lunatic," but he has made ap
plication for a patent.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
kalamazoo, August 30, 1883.
A New Jersey Egg Factory.

500 You mean to say that you made
that egg without the assistance of IA
hen ?" asked New York Sun reporter
of Newark egg manufacturer.
''Yes," he replied, "and if you wish
| will show You something of our pro-
cess. Come"
He led me through room i'll which
there were stored boxes upon boxes of
eggs, and into another large, cool room
in the rear. Everything was clean and
neat Several strengthening wooden
machines, totally unlike anything
had ever seen, stood in different parts
of the room. Six or seven men were
operating the machinery, which moved
nOiselessly and with great rapidity.
followed my conductor to one end OF
the apartment, where were three large
tanks or watts. One was filed with II
yellow compound, the second with a
starchy mixture, and the other was
covered. Pointing to these, the pro
prietor said: "These contain the yOlk
mixture and the white of egg. We
empty the watts every day, so you can
Judge of the extent of the business al
ready. Let me show you one of the
machines. You see they are divided
into different boxes or receptacles
| The first and second are the yolk and
white. The next is what we term the
''skin" machine, and the last one j.
the shelter, with drying trays. Thi,
process is the result of many years oi
experiment and expense. | first con
ceived the idea after making chemica
analysis of an egg. After long tim,
/ | succeeded In making "A very GOO
imitation of an egg. then turned my
attention to making the machinery
and the result you see for yourself
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
GlcaningS.

October | the postohice department
will substitute a new general mail lock
for those now in use. The change of
mail locks is made but once in ten
years.
During the eight months of the year
considerably more than 10000 lives
have been lost in notable disasters, in
that taking into account the yellow
fever in the south, by simply following
the big news of the press dispatches.
A sensible Massachusetts sheriff
thinks that if those women who ask
permission to read and talk to the
criminals in jail would read and talk
to the same class who are not as vet
criminals, it might keep them from be
coming such.
A syndicate of capitalists has com
pleted the purchase of a large tract of
land Immediately surrounding the
Great ShOshOne falls of Snake river,
Idaho. The falls are surrounded by
! the grandest scenery i'll the world. The
syndicate will build a mammoth hotel,
put steamer on the river, and make
it the Niagara of the west.
| 1t is impossible to imagine to what
uses paper will yet be turned. A paper
steamboat, twenty feet i'll length, has
been made in Lansingburgh, n. Y, to
hold twenty-five persons and carry
three tons. Its sheathing is solid
paper three-eighths of an inch thick
on which bullet fired from a distance
of four feet made no impression.
The trustees of Plymouth COngrega-
tiOnal church of San Francisco, Cal,
agreed to pay Rev. II. w. Beeche1
Il, 400 for his four lectures in that
city. Judging by the thin audiences
at the first two lectures the probabili-
ties are the trustees will lose money
Mr.. Beecher is not popular there, on
account of his utterances on the
Chinese question.
Benjamin f. Bates of Boston made 3
conditional contract in 1873 to give
Bates college of Lewiston SI0O,OW
provided SlO0,OOO more were raised
within five years. His heirs claim thai
the condition was not fulfilled and the
, trustees of the college brought suit Il
secure the amount. The full bench OF
the state supreme court has sustained
the verdict of the lower court, whicl
decided against the college.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
A Cheerful Announcement.

When the stranger remarked that he
was from Arkansas one of the passen-
gers suddenly turned and asked:
'1ou are, ehP Maybe you are from
Crittenden county ?"
81 am that"
Perhaps from James LandingP"
"That's it, exactly"
"Then, maybe, You know my broth
er, William Henry Jones from Penn
Yam, this state ~
stranger put it thar" exclaimed
the Arkansas traveller, rs he extended
his hand and smiled all over. Dust
my buttons if didn't help hang your
brother for cattle stealing iist before |
left home. y Wall Street News.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
SnMIlS.

The difference between a cat and a
comma is that one has the claws at the
end of the paws, while the other has
the pause at the end of the clause.
Is it dude ? Yes, it is a dude. Was
it always that way Yes, natural
born. What does it do for livingP
1t breathes, dear; don't disturb it.
eugene l.. Didier accuses Tennyson
of plagiarism" Tennyson? We have
heard of Didier but who the Dickens
is Tennyson III NOrristown Herald.
Creelsburg, Dakota, is just about a
hundred days old, and has christened
itself the Saratoga of Dakota, the in
habitants having noticed very un-
pleasant taste in the water Boston
Transcript.
"Why must we mourn for vanished
light ?" asked poet. 1t may he
owing to the fact that it has been cut
Oft at the metre, because of failure to
pay an old gas bill. 1t sometimes hap
pens that way.
"Will there he hop tonight 7"
asked a summer sOjourner of another
who had loved the stock market mot
wisely but too we'll" "DOn't know
about the hop; but there will be a skip
! if | can get my trunk out" was the
reply.
An exchange says that "the Boston
Herald kicks against the statue to he
erected on the Common in honor of
Harriet Martineau." 1t is difficult to
see how IA statue that is not yet built
can be kicked against. But still,
Boston paper can do almost anything.
II Rochester Post Express.
Vereker has hit upon scheme
whereby he expects to make IA fortune.
He will advertise largely, "For ten
cents ! will disclose IA plan whereby
one cent postage stamps can be made
to do the work of three cent stamps"
His plan is perfectly simple and can
not fail. Use three of them.
Some time ago a dispatch was sent
from st. Louis to Memphis, addressed
to "James Giles, pie clerk, steamer Ma
genta.n There was no man named
Giles on the boat, and the message was
not delivered, whereby lawsuit en-
sued. The person meant was James
Gillespie, clerk of the Magenta.
An Irish lawyer having addressed
the Court as "gentlemen," instead of
, eyer honors," after he had concluded IA
brother of the bar reminded him of his
error. He Immediately rose and apol-
ogized thus: "May it plase the COort,
III the hate of debate | called yer hon
ors gentlemen. made mistake, yer
| honors." The speaker then sat down.
= "Pray, my good man." said IA Judge
} to an Irishman who was a witness on
| "A trial HWhat did mass hetween you
and the prisoner ~ "Oh, then, plase
, your lordship," said Pat, "sure | sees
, Phelim atop the wall. Paddy y says
he. What ? says l.. Here y says he.
'Wheref 2 says |. 'Whistr says he.
! Hush says |. And that's all, plase
your lordship."
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
THE
B0sT0N VARIETY Store
THE

in the State and always the lowest prices.
large line Of watches Of all makes. grades and
prices from $500 up nice second hand watches,
good timers, s4Ol and $500, New watches 800
$1,000 sl2.OO and $500. Warranted too.
-, Everything n the line OF Jewelry, Chains Bs.
Charms Pins Rings, Neck-Chains Bracelets, Bar
Pins, Cuff Buttons &C. at the lowest prices
Every style of a Rubber Stamp made to order
Six Styles of Organetts
from $500 to $40 co. also Music for all kinds of Or
ganetts. repairing Reeds &c. all kinds of Musical
Instruments Violins Aceordeons Concertinas
Harmonious, Flies, Flutes, Piccoos. Drums, &c
Violin Strings and fixtures of all kinds. large
new Stock of Bird Cages all STYLES and prices that
can't be beat All sizes styles and prices of Valises
and Bags, over 40 kinds of Bags from p cents up
to 600. YOu can save money if you want Nalise
or Hand Bag
Fans and Sunshades at your own prices to close.
A Nice line of Umbrellas at low prices. Gossamer
Rubber Circulars, Coats, Caps, Hats, Hat covers,
&C, at the lowest prices.
All Styles and Prices of Albums,
Card, Scrap Albums and Photograph Albums from
25 cents to s7.OO. Wallets, Pocket Books. Purses,
Spy Glasses, Opera Glasses Mirrors, Hand Glasses,
Vases Toilet Sets Smoking Sets large variety
of Coffee and Mustache Cups and Saucers,
Dolls, Dolls, Dolls,
every kind and price of a Doll from cent to 5000.
Black Walnut Goods,
Hat Racks. Paper Racks and Towel Racks,
Brackets, all prices and sizes. Slipper Cases and
Backs Toilet Brackets &c. have everything in
the Basket line. Work Baskets Office Baskets,
Nursery Baskets. Work Stand, Clothes Baskets,
all styles of Lunch Baskets. Good Baskets 10
cents, large Market Baskets II cents If you want
any kind of Basket cor here.
All prices OF HammOcks, good ones for SlOO,
larger 81 %, large 81 80 to $500. CrOquet.
Wagons Wagons, all sizes and prices of Wagons,
from p cents TO 5000 Doll Wagons. Carts, Chill
dren's Chairs. Lap Boards, Tin Toys, Ladies' and
Gents Under Flannels at lowest prices.
Gloves, Gloves, Gloves,
81. ~.
We headquarters for Gloves all kinds and
prices, Oil Tan, Plymouth Buck, Kid and Dog Skin
Gloves We will nndersell everybody ON Gloves.
We have the largest assortment of Gloves and will
make the lowest prices. Call and see.
Roller Skates,
and soon will have Seds and Skates of all kinds
for winter.
We have everything in the line OF Fancy Goods
and will say the largest stock and the lowest prices.
All orders by mail filled at and if not salts
factory can be returned. All Goods represented
lust as they are and all Goods warranted To be as
represented. You can save money by trading at
the Variety Store.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21

Western Union and VI. IHterndt0Hdl-n ST
.Iohnsbury House. Open from a m, To . p. Ill
sundays. to 10 a. M. to p m. Night message
at half rates
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
St. Johnsbury Post Office.

Commencing Oct ., the mails will close at the
Post Office follows:
rassumpsic L. K. Way Mail, South, $50 a. IN.
No. Danville 300 a. IN.
st j. 4 l.. G. K. r. Way Mail East 2.l5 p. IN.
1t. j. X l.. &. K. K. Way Mail, West, 300 p. m.
Montpelier n W. River X. K. Way Mail 2.3O p. III.
Passumpsic Il. K. Way Mail. North, 400 p. II.
West Concord and ST Johnshurv East $50 a. m.
Waterford. W. Wat'f'd and L. Wat'Td, 400 y. III.
Boston, New York. Conn. X. Val. Mail. 500 p. m.
Collections will be made from the mail boxes
Ia season for the mail south in the morning,
and At .. m. Collections will also be made from
the mail box at of Railroad Street and
Eastern Avenue at a. m and 7.3O p III.
CHAS. =. CARPENTER I'd. Z. NJ
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
Six per cent Guaranteed Bonds

secured by First Mortgage. Interest payable at
MiddletoWn al the Fourth National Bank of
New York. If you wish Investment, whether
large small which will be SAFE and profitable,
send for circular giving full information tOctl2
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21

JOB PRINTING of all kinds, at living prices.
With modern type and machinery and -kilful
workmrn, nearly all kinds of job Printing can bc
done well aud as cheap Is in the cities.
Legal Blanks, Card and Paper stock constantly
IDu hand
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21

Library and ReddiHg- Room,-Free to all. Open
from a. NJ. To L. NJ; from to =. NJ, and from
To l ; Saturday evenings.
Art Gduery-Open Tuesdays and Fridays.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
Pa~s"mpsic Railroad =, 1888
st. Johnsbury Church Directory.

AdUeHt-Paddock Village. sabbath Services al
1880 a. M, las aud $50 p. M. Sabbath School
- N. Prayer Meetings at 1870 p. III. Sunday Tues
day and Friday evenings.
Bdptist-Hairoad Street Corner Maple. Rev
E. 1. Sandford, Pastor. Preaching 1850 ,. NJ. )
School l. NJ. Prayer meeting $3.50. Prayer meet
Ins Wednesday evening at 7iO
Free Bdptist-Maiu Street Corner Prospect
sabbath services 1880 An, and 6:30 NJ. sabbath
School AT L. NJ Prayer meeting Wednesday even
ing al 30. Rev. D. II. Adams pastor.
Church Of the Messiah-t tUniversalist) Eastern
avenue. corner Cherry street. Sabbath services
At l:i1 $50 =. N. sabbath School at 1890 p NJ
Wednesday evening meeting at 1:3O. Rev. q. W
jenkins, pastor.
Mcthodist-Central street. Rev. f. W. Culver
Pastor. Residence next to the Church. Sab
bath services at 1880 A. NJ, and 6;O =. NJ. sabbath
school at II NJ Wednesday evening meeting at
1;}O.
North ConqregationGI-M Main street corner o
church. Rev. Henry W. Jones, Pastor. Sabbatl
services at lO:3O a. NJ, and b;3O =. NJ. Sabbath
Hchonl at l:ij T. NJ. Wednesday evening meeting
| al $50.
south CongregatioHal-Mai street Rev Ed
ward l. Fairbanks Pastor. sabbath services al
1880 4. NJ, aud $50 +. NJ. sabbath School at l. NJ
Wednesday evening meeting at 7:jO.
Presbyterian Chureh-Eastern venue Rev W
Il. Laird pastor. sabbath services at 1880 Il.
500, $50 p m. sabbath school at IL III. Prayer
meeting Wednesday evening 7:3O.
81 4ndreWS-( EpiscopaL) Main street Rev
+. = Fisher Rector. Services Sundays a
1880 a. m, and p. Wednesdays at 7:;iO p. m
sunday School, at L. m.
Roman Catholc-Cherry Street. Rev. j. a
1 iioissonnault. Parish Priest. Mass and 10 a III
/ Nespcrs and BenedictiUn at p. III. On TIN
| second sunday of the month, service at $50 a III.
/ and y. m. At Lyndonyillc same day at 1880 a m
| \. ". C. A.-Alectings at the hall of the Y. NJ. c
| \, Main street, Sunday mornings at $50, Satur
| day evenings at 73O. Young Mems meeting Sun
day at 30 p. m. Noon meeting every day a
/ rooms un Eastern avenue.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
Justices Record in Criminal Cases

\ new blank for Justice Of the Peace. just
printed aud for sale At the CALIFORNIAN OF
FlCE. n
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
Complete Heating Apparatus
for SIS.

A large size Boynton Furnace in complete repair
with duplicate CRATE, for SIS, aud fifty dollArs
worth Of pipe and registers thrown in" The fur
mace il nearly newAnd was taken out 70 make place
for steam heater. Z. NJ. STONE.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
Nice Calling Cards.

bilt edged. m boxes or eases. very neat Jus
the thing every lady wants Can and see them
CALEDONIAN OFFICE.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
ST. cJumsburp GalrdOnian.
G. NJ. STONE & Co,
ADVANCE TERMS oF rHE CALEDoNIAN.
PUBLISHERS

opposite the Athenpeum, St. Johnsbury, Vt.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-09-21
| MIDDLESEX BANKING co.,
MIDDLEToWN, CONN.

Incorporated under the laws of Connecticut and
subject 10 the inspection of the
STATE BANK COMMISSIONERS.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-07-27
BEYOND the RIVER
A10Gy Across the Mississippi is Held
q Conoincjng Conferences.

81 tell you, sir, that they are ore o.
the nestest com bin&tiuns ever produced,
and my experience Of that sort of thinE
has been wide enough to entitle my
judgment to me respect"
''Ob, / don't know" responded the
first speakers friend, with little yaxn,
ss though he didn't take much interest
in the subject, 81 have never been able
to see much difference in those thinga.
They are all pretty nearly the same size,
aud made of about the same stuff
The talk, Of WHICH the foregoing is q
fragment, took place in Gallatin, Mis-
souri,, not long ago, in the snug office OF
DR.. III. T. Flowers, one OF -tbe leading
physicians of the state, who followed ND
the vein in which he had introduced il
substantially in these words:
" Nonsense, that is the rigmsr0le of g
boy, or rather of o man who either
doesn't know or doesn't care what he
sAys, Those thugs, As you call them, are
just as different SIS the moon is from green
cheese. Now, liniments, lotioas, and
olntments are v ~ good ia most cases
for the relief Of pain or Inflammation.
But, ia the fret PLACE, they are unclean;
they soil the hands and the linen, besides
bsiDg Away Gu. Of reach when they are
most wanted"
well, my dear Doctor" sighed the
traveller from the north. swhat would
you have? This is weetched world any
hew, and nothing is ever ct hand when
it is wsnted. Ytu can't suggest any
thing"
'EYes can" broke in the doctor,
humping the table with his Est. 81 can
suggest BENSON'S CAPOINE POR-
GUS PLASTER. 1 have tried it on my
patients, and l have tried it on myself
for an attack of Pneumonia. and in sll
cases relief has followed in from three to
forty eight hours. The old plasters are
Stage coaches-the CApcine is telegraph
dispatch. For instance, in csse Of Neu-
rslgis, Muscular RheumsLifm, Lum-
bsgo. retarded action of the Kidneys,
and"
Il give it up, doctor, and in case OF
need I'll buy Benson's." said the trsv-
eler, pleasantly.
In the centre Of the genuine is cut the
word CAPOINE.
Seabury & johnson, Chemists; New
York.