Smyrna times., 1883-04-25
WHOLE NO. 1850.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.

PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.
As the baseball season has success
fully opened, the country may be re-
garded as safe for another year.
How many races are there? ?" was
asked in Kentucky school. "Three,"
yelled the children in chorus, the
Spring meeting, midsummer speeding
and Fall fairs"
Physicians affirm that diseases are
often contracted by person becoming
Overheated. Which is all the doctors
know about it. Heat does not con-
tract; it expands
Edith: So far as we can learn the
most fashionable parasol this season
Will be the one that can be seen the
tarthest, costs the most and gives the
least possible amount of solid comfort.
Mrs. Langtry says she occasionally
changes play to suit her style of act
ing. This is "a good deal like the col
ored gentleman who wanted fence
changed to suit his style of whitewash-
/ ing
The idea that color cannot be distin-
guished in the dark is false. You NAV
not be able to see but you can feel blue.
boston Post. True, and in the dark
young man may not look vet may be
green.
This is the time of year to remove
the piles of oyster shells and tomato
cans from the back yard and clean out
cellars. Place them in a heap, but
don't shovel them over into your
neighbor's yard until after dark
A philosopher observes that when a
man takes more pleasure in earning
money than in spending it he has
taken the first step toward wealth. He
has also taken the first step toward
leading the meanest kind of life.
1t is a somewhat remarkable fact
that, with the exception of some pub
| lie occasion, very rich people are rare
ly found in places of amusement
l Having so much money to look after
they have very little time for amuse-
| ment.
, In his will Peter Cooper gave $5OOto
, each of the female servants employed
in his family. 1t is not often that
| American philanthropists are able to do
a that. The average servant girl don't
q stay long enough for the head of the
E family to learn her name.
A Mexican who had killed eight men
I was nearly killed the other day while
= trying to get away with the ninth
3 This is what Southern editor wrote,
u but it came out in his paper: "While
II trying to get away from his wife"
Il The editor has gone fishing.
Herr Most rails against capital and
e passes around the hat, defends social
% ism and passes around the hat, advo-
% cat9s dynamite and passes around the
es hat, yells " Kill! KILL and passes
5. around the hat, predicts that the Car
le will not be crowned and passes around
d the hat.
le The leading dry goods houses of
% Boston have resolved to stop delivering
ly goods. Purchasers must hereafter
ID carry their packages with them. If
h. this plan works, it is thought that their
ne next step will be to insist that the first
customers in the morning shall help to
e. sweep out the store.
%- "See here, pop" exclaimed Phila-
70 delphia boy, you would not let me go
- - to the circus, and yet Tommy Smith
mr. says you were there yourself, for he
NJ, saw you" Yes, my son, went there
. to learn if it was moral enough for you
,rt to see. l find that it is not That cir
he Gus is very wicked"
~ The postal cards, It's said, have
or, diminished the consumption of writing
OF paper by from $12, 600, 900 to $15, ,000, 600
rs year When it becomes fashionable
ny for lovers to correspond by telephone,
ID. the consumption of writing paper will
IN be still further diminished by from $50, :
re- OO0, 600 to $100,OO0,OO0 year.
rar A common mistake: "What are
you doing now?" well, l have a
of Job sitting pile of ashes in the cellar
St of a newspaper office" "Oh! I'm so
,rn glad. You know Ialways was friend
It's, of yours give me a couple of dozen
tly circus tickets, some theater checks and
his few railroad passes, won't you"
tai Business life in this country is like
1er bicycle-riding. The faster you go the
,st- easier it is to keep your balance, yet
mt. the more likly you are to take a
his time when possible and go slow when
hat necessary, but keep moving. If you
of stop you tOpple over and are left be-
The hind.
The Ledger says it is the tessitura .
Te W, of Nilsson's nature, as well as the
sne charm of her voice, that holds the aud
rs, rs ience captive. As some people may
car not understand this we will explain
IN J "Tessitura means range, and range
au, as everybody knows, means cooking.
TN stove. The Ledger, therefore, means
- that Nilsson has a warm, genial ma
lt ture.
ler- Free trade would make butter, egg.
In and -four cheaper. To be sure, there i:
s a no tariff on them, but free trade would
to close UP the manufactures, throw thu
iich operatives out of work, and then wher
ma they had all starved to death the de
mand would be so much lessened tina
try farmers would be glad to sell their but
rds ter, eggs and wheat at any price. Oh
lest free trade would be great thing fol
we this country.
ges
and In the Philippine Islands beautiful
at bambOO-houses for ornewly-marriedc coup
tial les can be bought for SIS and $40 each
ion. Fifty cents more will purchase enough
cocOanuts, dried fruits and sugar-can
to last for two years, and for ten cent
H. the greom can buy all the clothing
1:1 rne which the whole family will need in
IVY lifetime. Go to the Philippine islands
I = o1 ye young people who hate work, ant
onu @ loll around with the country.
feet There is a good deal of quiet hume
ries in piano men. A week or so ago
ses, Steinway agent advertised a second
nee hand Chickering, which he describe
). as as "a fine piece of cabinet work an
her just the thing for an ironing beard.
VS. q Shortly afterward the Chickering agen
t to got hold of a secondhand Steinwa
the and advertised it as admirably adapt
cir ed for use as an icechest and warrante
ged to scare rats away whenever playe
liar on"