davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29
Joking the Sporting Editor.

In the building used for the publica-
ton Of one of the many weekly papers
in New York which gives its attention
almost exclusively to sporting matters,
there is long passage studded at reg
ular intervals with doors leading into
series of connecting rooms. On one of
these doors the words sporting Ed
tor" are cOnspicuously blazoned, and it
was through this door that reporter
recently strobe to make certain enquir-
les of the said sporting editor. The edi-
tors arm was bandaged, the EDITORS
| nose boosted long red scar, while over
the editors eye was an ugly looking
cash only half healed. After the bust
ness in hand had been transacted, these
evidences of bodily suffering naturally
drew sundry sympathizing and inter-
rogatory remarks from the reporter,
and the following interesting account
from the sporting editor:
Il tell you," said he, ''that it amt a
bit of a joke to be at the head of the
sporting department on paper of the
standing of ours. You see that these
here sports are rum lot, very rum
lot, and unless a man knows how to
handle them he had better order a
nickel-mounted glass-slide oaken cask-
ct, from the nearest undertaken who'll
supply him on credit. See this wrist of
mine? Broke in three pieces. See this
conk?" (pointing to his wounded nose).
''Busted by the butt of a gun. See this
eye? Chewed almost out of my skull.
And that's only a weeks work. Man
come in last Tuesday-no, it was We'd
nesday-and wanted some bills for
smuggling match printed on credit l
sent him to the foreman of the job de-
partment Down he came an says as
how the foreman didn' know him from
Adam, an he wanted that printing
done right away, an would | 60 bail
for him or would [ not. | told him l
wouldn't and, be somethinged to him.
What does he do but 90 for my eye
with his teeth an held on like bull
terrier. Ipounded him over the head
with a paper weight, an bimeby in
comes my orfis boy and between us we
boosted him out. Well, l had rest
till Friday, and then the boy brought
word that Teddy Mulhooly, the fighter
of the Fourth Ward, was around with
a gang to whip me for saying in the
paper that Billy Mahoney was ready to
meet him in the ring if Teddy would
put the money up. [ made jump for
my gun, which lay on that shelf, just in
time to see Billy put his head inside the
door. / ran into the next room and
out of the door, down the staircase and
into the street, with Billy in hot pur-
suit. Up the street | scooted, till ON
the next corner he came up with me
along with a couple of friends. Well,
to make long story short, they got me
down, broke my wrist and banged my
nose with the butt end of a pistol. What
did / do? Well, L BACKED Billy's left
eye, bit half his ear off, broke one of
his friends collar-bone, and kicked the
other in the head till he couldn't see
Oh, tell you, it takes a man of expert
ence to run this department and humor
all the patrons of the paper. You'll
smile? No? Well, look in whenever
you re passing and maybe you'll drop
on bit of fun now and then >
The reporter promised to do So
Nee0 York Tribune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29
Thrilling.

''Do you think that Prof Buncombe
will have large audience at his lect-
ure this EVENING"" inquired gentle
man from San Antonio of his travelling
companion.
Hardly think he will, > answered the
other, ''for | see by this bill here that
it is stated 'he carries his audience with
him. Must be a boy who trims the
lamps
''Oh, no, you are mistaken. That
statement about carrying his audience
with him means that his lecture is so
thrilling that his audience follows him
with the closest attention. Ever hear
him?"
Eyes, heard him once, and one part
OF it was exceedingly thrilling"
What was that?'
when was obliged to yield up a
half dollar at the door. "-IeGas jSift-
mas
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29

nosity III BOOK making in Mr.. Town
sends library is to be seen in two books,
for which he has himself collected all
the material. These two large volumes
are filled with engravings of Cromwell
and his family, and their immediate
connections. Some of the engravings
are costly, many of them are exceed
ingly rare, and all are skillfully inlaid
in the thick pages of the books. They
were collected from various sources in
this country and Europe at a cost Of
more than $500.
With trained mind, and retentive
memory, assisted by such resources as
| have described, is it marvellous that
Gath should write as he does? He
is doing good work. To historians
of this epoch his letters will be graphic
and faithful pictures of the closing de-
cades of the nineteenth century.-F b.
LOOMS, IN Marietta 10. Leader.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29
The Government Mule.

I'm an army mule from the river Platte,
I'm accustomed to fighting and all that,
j lug the baggage and tote in the train
From this fort to that fort and back again.
Many's the bullet and budgeOn We felt,
But nobody yet has punctured my petit
oh, oft in the past when the muleteer,
The packer bold, or the brigadier,
Have undertaken to impose on me,
I've doubled them up most beautifully;
For, while the soldier may be born to rule,
He must not abuse the government mule.
I've kicked twenty men i'll single day,
Killing some of them, I've heard the boys
say.
Then they'd pound me sore with the whiff1e-
trees,
And cast me out in the hope that I'd freeze
Oh, it's hard to down government jack;
You may break his bones, but he will como
back.
into winter quarters now / will go,
And quietly dOZe until melts the snow,
With nothing to do; no baggage to tote,
And my stomach lined with many an Oat.
Oh, who wouldn't be a government mule
In the summer warm or the winter cool?
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29
Two Portraits of Queen Victoria.

Accompanying Mrs. ELEPHANTS arti-
Gle in the November Centatry are a copy
of a recent photograph of the queen
and a frontispiece copy of Thomas
Sully's old study from life, made in
1888. Of the latter Mrs. Oliphant says:
1.-The first time [ saw the queen was
on the occasion of some great public
ceremonial in Liverpool, when she must
have been in the fuliness of her early
prime, somewhere about 80. She was
then much like the portrait which the
readers of this magazine have now pre-
sented to them. Her eyes seemed to
me her most remarkable feature; they
were blue, of the clearest color, not
dark enough ever to be mistaken for
black, but with nothing of the washy
grayness into which blue eyes occas-
sionally fall on the other side. This
beauty was very much enhanced by the
straightforward, all-embracing look,
which to my fancy-that of an admir-
ing girl some ten years younger-was
queenly in the highest degree. 1t was
the look of one who knew, with all
modesty and composure, yet with full
conviction, that she could encounter no
glance so potent, so important, as her
own. She met the thousand faces turn
ed toward her with royal serenity which
it is impossible to describe. By nature
the queen is shy, and shrinks from the
gaze of the crowd, but her look was
sovereign over all such natural tenden-
cies-the true gaze of a queen. This is
less remarkable now, perhaps, than it
was in her younger days; but the read
er will see something of this open-eyed
serenity in the eyes of the portrait,
though they are those of a girl of 49,"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29
He Wins Every Time.

Il am sorry for you, sir, but my
daughter has been brought up to life
of luxury, and l can never allow her to
become your wife. .
But you forget. [ am prosperous
broker"
Yes, [ know; but the markets are
very uncertain and you may be poor
man tomorrow"
but own a rolling-mill, too.
$50 | understand; but the iron bust
ness is subject to great fuctuation.
|'And [ have three wooden factories,
am member of a jobbing firm, and
own large amount of real estate. >
''All of them uncertain properties.
Even real estate is being ruined by
high taxes. Have you nothing else?'
Yes, own a newspaper
''Oh, [ beg your pardon. Take her,
my dear boy. She is yours. '-Phtla-
deLfohia Call.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29
Know Thyself.


The average weight of an adult is 40
lbs. OF.
The average weight of a skeleton is
II lbs. Number of bones, 240.
The skeleton measures one inch less
than the height of the living man.
The average weight of the brain of a
man is 1-2 pounds; of a woman 3
pounds IL ounces.
The brain of man exceeds twice
that of any other animal.
The average height of an Englishman
is fit. in; Frenchman, ft. in,
and of a Belgian, fit. g in.
A man breatheS about twenty times
in a minute, or 1920 times in an hour.
A man breathes about Is pints of air
in a minute, or upwards of hogsheads
a day.
A man gives off 4.08 per cent. car
bonic gas of the air he respires; respires
10, 666 cubic feet of carbonic acid gas
mon air.
A man annually contributes to Vege-
tation 124 lbs. of carbon.
The average of the pulse in infancy
is 22O per minute; in manhood 80; at go
years, so. The pulse of females is more
frequent than that of males
The weight of the circulating blood
is about % lbs.
The heart beats Is times minute,
sends nearly ten pounds of blood
through the veins and arteries each
beat; makes four beats while we breathe
once.
Twelve thousand pounds, or "a hogs
heads 4 gallons, or 10,7824 pints pass
through the heart in two hours.
One thousand ounces of blood pass
through the kidneys in one hour
One hundred and 5eYenty-five million
holes or cells are in the lungs; which
would cover surface thirty times great
er than the human body.
A large item in the expense of main
tanning a sleeping-car is the washing
bill The Pullman Company's entire
outfit includes $4,000 sheets, IS, 200
pillow slips, $4,000 blankets, 10000
hand towels and 5000 roller towels.
A car is entirely emptied and cleaned
as soon as it reaches its destination,
and the linen is sent straight to the
laundry The Wagner Company's to-
tai equipment is 1900 wooden blankets,
1851 linen sheets, y, POP pillow slips,
), 40 hand towels and 2,347 roller tow
els. The expense of keeping the Wag-
ner Company bedding clean is $780,
900 a year; the Pullman Companv'g is
larger.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29

1t costs S15, 900, 900 year, in round
figures, to maintain our naval estab-
lishment, there being about 5000 per-
sons on the pay rolls, of whom more
than 1900 are officers, 5000 enlisted
men and boys, and the remainder
civilians employed as mechanics, clerks,
etc.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29

''Oh, no." said Mrs. Appleboy, who
was visiting Mrs. Pringle, Il am not
bit cold; it is quite comfortable here. "
'Isn't it funny, mammal" exclaimed
little Edith; ''that's just what you said
the last time we Were here; and when
we got out, don't you remember, you
said you was almost frozen to death,
and you guessed you wouldn't come
here again, where they were too mean
to keep fire." There was instantly
fire enough in the faces of Mesdames
Appleboy and Pringle to warm half
dozen rooms.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-29

A Madison Qnd.) dog, having had
his tail mashed by a truck, bit the
member off clean
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

Silks SILKS! S1LKsl
IMMENSE ASSORTMENT OF SILKS.
BLACK SILKS. CoLoRED SILKS, FANCY SILKS,
SUMNER SILKS.
CHEAPEST SILKS IN WASHINGTON.
Summer Silks only. 37kc. Colored Silks garnet
green bronze navy blue and steel grey 5oc. Black
Heavy eros Grain Black Silks price eSerywhere ST.
finish heavy Gros Grain worth 81 SO our price 81 25
Black silks reduced from 81 to S. 50 special bargains
Gros Grain CSlorea siIfs ST. the same quality Silks
sortment SO. e. Toe, actual value, 81 Coored Surah
Yelling all colors, wool. 25c Nuns, Yelling. all
bargain. Colored Cashmeres, pure WOOL wide double
strawberry Soc cocrsd and Back Six Seisets sn at
Black SILK Grape. g.. Blsached Table Damask. pure
mense assortment Of Remnants Of Dress Goods. Silks
Sattns. at less than actual cost.
THOUSANDS OF YARDS OF NEW SPRING DRESS
GOODS-IMMENSE ASSORTMENT.
CARTERS
mh21 I'll MARKET SPACE.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
New DREss GooDs,

ELECTRIC BLUE. CRUSHED STRAWBERRY,
SHRIMP PINK, OK BLOOD, FRENCH
GREEN. CHINA BLUE, GARNET BRONZE,
MARINE BLUE, CREAM. ETC. IN
40 inches wide Illuminated Foule, 80 cents.
38 inches wide Nuns Yelling, so cents.
AZ inches wide Beges so cents.
40 inches wide French Cashmeres. so cents.
~ inches wide French Chudda, 81 cents.
40 inches wide Cachemire Beige, 81 cents.
Nuns Yelling, all WOOL % cents.
All wool Pin Check Dress Goods. 25 cents.
All wool De Bsges, Is cents.
All wool Combination Suting, 90 cents.
SUMMER SILKS.
Check and Stripe Summer Silks so cts. e2 cts. and
Dress Silks, all the new colors, 81 per yard.
Surah Silks. all the new colors. SO cts.
Colored Silk BrOcades Ottomans, and MORE Silks.
Black Cashmeres 81 Cts, so cts, 60 cts. 70 cts.
WONDERFUL BARGAINS.
II Bridal Quilts. Marseies Styles, 90 cts.
~ inches long all linen Towels Is cts. each.
Cloth for Men and Boys Suits % cts 81 cts 80 cts.
Ladies Flannel Suiting, double width, Is cts
New China Mating, white and fancy styles.
c. NJ. TOWSON,
mh24 636 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE. South side.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
An Internal Revenue Officer Saved.
PROVIDENCE, August 81, 1882.

Editor Of Boston Herald:-
DEAR S1R.-During my term Of service IN the Inter
nal Revenue Department of the United States at the
time Office in this city. afflicted with a
attack of Kidney dieesse, and at times suffered
tensey. received the medical advice Of of
best physicians for long time. without being bene
flied by their prescriptions. Being discouraged by the
failure Of the doctors help me- and being urged to
use Hunts Remedy by friend who had tested its
merits although reluctant to try . patent medicine
was finally induced to try the Remedy, and procured
two bottles of it. and commenced taking it faithfully
according to the directions.
Before had taken days the circulating pains
in back had disappeared, and before had used two
bottles was entirely cured Whenever. from
erton violent cold the pains in my kidneys re-
turn. few doses of Hunts Remedy quickly effects q
cure.
Before closing beg to mention the remarkable cure
commended this valuable medicine. He was suffering
physician decided of Bright's Disease of the Kid
neys. I obtained two Lottes of Hunts Remedy for
him. and he commenced taking it. and began to i'm
prove at once and speedily restored to health and
he attributes the saving of his life, under the bless
ing Of mercifu Providence, to Hunts Remedy.
Another friend of mine in New York, to whom I re-
commended Hunts Remedy, suffering severely
from Kidney disease and entirely cured of it after
using this wonderful medicine only short period
Feeling deeply grateful for the great benefits expert
enced by friends and myself from the Of Hunts
Remedy. feel it to be my duty. well great priv
lege, to furnish this voluntary and unsolicited
statement of facts for the information Of your large
number of readers, many of whom undoubtedly
suffering from this widely spreading and be.
Heve that it is the best medicine known, and that
it will cure all Of Kidney diseases that be
cured.
shall be pleased to confer with any who may de-
sire interview regarding the statements herein con-
tanned. Truly yours.
RICHMOND HENSHAW,
80 Messer street.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
They na, for the Doctor.

Some people are always running for the doctor
when the least thing Is the matter with themselves
or their children. or course, the doctor likes this
for he gets well paid for It, But there are ma ny
occasions when the tudiclous use or Perry Davis
ram Killer Will do all the doctor can. Mr.. r. v.
Miller, OF syracuse. N T.. says he has for twenty
years used Pain Killer Tor miscellaneous family
scknesses and that II is so valuable that it ought
10 be kept IN every housa.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

SpR1Na
THE MISFIT STORE,
CORNER 10TH AND F STREETS.
The Spring stock of fine clothing at the Msft Store
materials and good workmanship cannot be surpassed
while prices cannot be eQualled anywhere.
Special attention is called to
BOYS CLOTHING.
SUITS FOR BOYS FROM 12 TO II:
Good Suits for S., worth 50.
APi iMSG S sas ff for E e. @os sae s1a
E Ts .S Set5 sats fss 81 worth .1s
FOR BOYS FROM Toll
Good Knock about Suits for So. worth s.. 80
ABisns}a Suits suite for %, & worth worth
Elegant Suits for IS. worth SO.
SPRING OvERCOATs
FOR MEN AND YOUTHS
AZ, wool Spring Oyercoats at Sc, worth SO.
Silk faced Spring Overcoats at 81. 50 worth 49,.
Elegant ,sa silk faced Spring 6vercoats at So.
Fine Melton silk faced Spring overooats at SIC.
SUITS FOR MEN AND YOUTHS;
Better Suits at 81. So, worth So
ss suits sss sae XN5se
Fine Black Diagonal Coat and Vest Prince ALDER,
style, at SIS, worth S25.
Fine Brown Tricot Coat and Vest Prince Albert
style, at Sl9, worth $50.
Black Trcot Suits. crtsway frock at $15 worth $685.
Fine Corkscrew Suits ct SIS, worth $28.
Blue Flannel SUITS, warranted indigo. at SO. worth
Fine Yacht cloth Suits at $l5 worth EOS.
Black Cloth Suits, double breasted frockS, at $18,
worth $50.
Gossaner Coats at g. 81. so. So and S. 80. worth
fully double.
PANTS
at 49, 50 so. So. So co. 81. "a. so and S.; must be
seen to be appreciated.
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED TO ALL PUR-
CHASERS OR MONEY REFUNDED.
THE MISFIT STORE,
CORNER 10TH AND f STREETS.
N. B. The Misft Store has no connection with any
other concern in the city. mh23
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

Are yen suffering from Cough, Cold, Asthma,
Bronchitis or any OF the various pulmonary troubles
that so often end IN Consumption? II SO, use evil
boris Pure Cod Liver OIL and Lime" safe and sure
remedy This is no quack preparation. but is regu-
larry prescribed by the medical faculty. Manu-
featured only by A. B. WILBOR, Chemist, Boston.
Sold by all druggists
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
CITY AND DISTRICT.
Amusesa.ats. &c. Tonight.

FoBp's OPzE. HoUsE.-CoIlier 6 Rice's Opera
company IA ''IoiG"tht.'
NATIONAL THEATER--J1hn Mccullough In "BrJl-
tus: or the F.:Ii o. Tarqun'
THEATER CoHIQrE-Hyde d Behman's 1.-TWO
Johns" COmbiH ItiOn.
DIME NUsEs-Y.-N0vcl performance AMI remark
able curiOSt.eS.
ODD FELLOWS U.JL--HOward Gil's Uncle
Toms Cabin" combination.
CURTIS Hall. (WEST WASuINGTONl. -PantOmiY ne
anl Operetta for the benefit OF St Johns church.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
CITY ITEMS.

lt IL Like the SUN, 1t Shines For All:
we mean DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup. Doctors pre-
scribe IL.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
New Five Cent Pieces


given in change JOHNsoN's Oyster Saloon and
Restaurant, Ninth street, near E. ladies' Saloon
first floor
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

IN THE Police Court tai5 morning the case Of
Willis Jones, eoicred, ch@Igct with prey -ftinar
divine worship in the First Baptist church at
Mount Pleasant. by Mailing up the tioor5 OF the
Church, Was dismissed
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
Catarrh of the bladder;
nraxp tho (nrk

Singing irritation, Inflammation. all Kidney
and Urinary Complaints, cured by "Buchu-paiba. )"
81. IL
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
To One and All.

1921 Pennsylvania avenue, say: eve receive fiat
tering encomums from our customers in regard to
Browns Iron Bitters."
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

Day GooDs.
j. A. LUTTRELL & co.
SUMNER SILKS. in Checks and Stripes, warranted
pure, SO. 62H and IS cts.
CHECKED SURAHS. pure Silk. "a inches wide, only
81. l21.
All the Spring Novelties in Wool Fabrics in Plain and
in Combination.
FRENCH SATEENS in endless variety, at the very
Lowest Price.
]. A. LUTTRELL CO.,
mh17 817 MARKET SPACE.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
StandifOrd's kOumiss, 9Th and F NV
A pleasant tonic and agreeable stlmulant

Delicate Combination Of Old Liquors
with fruits OF SURPRISING richness, have rendered
the name Hub Punch' very popular. Sold by
grOcerS and druggists
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

SHERRY WISE.-ChT. Xander has tho finest va
riety In the city. such Amontil! }dc. Vino de
Paste, OlOrOso, TOp-z, West India, DC Gail ana
try them ut No. OIL Z street.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

Fresh Attorney Butter churned every morning
and delivered in H-lb "Ward" prints, SOC. per ID.
Also. cottage cheese buttermilk and sweet milk,
sc. per at. Cream. 15c. pint
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
ssa1dernev na;rv w,

Draw the COfk
and Hub Punch is ready. 1t tops all other
punches, either taken mixed with iced or hot
water, &C. Sold by grOcers and druggists.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27

THE BEST OF ALL HAIR DRESSINGS.
1t allayS irritation removes all tendency to dan.
druh, and nvgOrates the action Of the capillarteS
in the highest degree, thus promoting vigorous
and healthy growth OF hair. Its effect upon the
glossiness and richness OF the hair is such as can
not be surpassed.
Burnett'S Flavoring Extracts are the best
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-27
IS Flavorlng Extracts are the best
LANDLORDS Perfumes.
Edenia, Marechal Mel Rose, Alpine Violet.


DKCSSHHK
In the ordinary way, good condiments, plenty of
time and no little skill are essential Durkee's
Dressing supplies these requisites. ALI grocers
sell Ii.