Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-10-18
Mnaaruns Repartment.


youngsters, from constant practice, get fer
tile in inventive excuses. "Why, George
YOU are smokingw exclaimed an amazed
mother, who came upon her little son as ne
was putting away at cigar.
"N-no, ma; Pm only keeping it lighted
for another boy"
ssDid you break that window, boy?" said
grocer, catching hold of fleeing urchin.
"Yes, SIR"
.what do you mean by running off in
this manner 2"
"PIease, sir, I was running home to get
the money. I was afraid if 1 didn't run
home quick, I might forget" " was the instant
It must have been an Irish boy who wrote
in a postscript: "Dear father, forgive these
large blots on my letter, but they came while
the letter was passing through the post. l
write this for fear you should think made
them myself"
At a Juvenile party, a young gentleman
about eight years old, kept himself aloot
from the rest of the company. The lady OF
dance, my dear. Choose one of those pretty
girls for your wife"
''Not likely" cried the young cynic; mo
wife for me. Do you think want to be
worried out Of my life, like poor pap" "'-
Chambers Journal.
NoTSUCHA FooL.-A rather superstitious
young man of this city, who isfond of quoting
fag ends of wisdom in old sayings and max
inns, was recently sitting by the girl of his
choice, trying in vain, to summon up cour-
age to pop the question. Every time he
plunged in and said something approaching
the subject, he would be seized with spell
of bashfulness and would comfort his face as
if about to have fit. One day he had pro-
ceeded as far as-"Supposing young man
should ask you ito" Then hewrinkled his
nose, and became silent.
"What is the matter with your nose ::'
asked the young lady, solicitously:
sTickles; must be going to- kiss fool,
as the saying is"
The girl smiled into his face with sweet
innocence.
"Mother says 1 look like fool some
times" she said, archly.
He had sense enough left to improve the
opportunity, and now he says that actions
speak louder than words, and are better, too
Detroit Post.
A STUDENTS TRICK.-The religious pa
pers are telling the story of the late Bishop
Peck, that twenty years ago, when he was
president of callege, he went as delagate
to Methodist conference at Staunton, Va.
There is lunatic asylum there, and the
students of the college wrote to the superln-
tendent of the asylum that crazy man,
who imagined that he was Bishop Peck, had
escaped, and it was expected he would ap-
pear at the conference, and requesting the su-
perintendent toconfne him in the asylum un-
of the good bishop was sent, and when he
arrived at Staunton he found carriage
waiting on him, and he was driven to the
asylum, where he remained twenty-four
hours before the ministers could get him
out. These 600 students are all ministers
now, but they still laugh over their boyish
trick.
AN EVEN THING.-The teller OF bank
in New York, reports the following incl
dent:
A German citizen approaching the win
dow, requested that a check payable to the
order of SchweitzercaSe be cashed.
"Ya, dots me-" he nodded, reassuringly,
in answer to the teller's look of inquiry.
"But l don't know that you are Mr..
Schweitzercase. You must get yourself
identified" said the teller.
"How vos dot ?" asked the German citi-
zen, with puzzled look.
"YOu must get some onetO identify you,"
repeated the bank officer. 81 don't know
you"
"a, va !" cried Hans, much relieved.
"Dot's all right. Idon't know you, neider."
Washington Capital.
pS- The following is Artemus Wards de-
scription of why he courted Betsey Jane:
"There werem many affectin' ties which made
me banker after Betsey Jane. Her fathers
farm lined ourn; their COWS and ourn
squenched their thirst at the same spring !;
our old mares both had stars in their for
reds; the measels broke out in both families
at nearly the same time; our parents (Bet-
sey James and mine) slept regularly every
Sunday in the same meetin' house, and the
nabOrs used to observe, How thick the
Wards and Peasles air." 1t was a sublime
sight in the spring of the year to see our
several mothers (Betsey James and mine)
with their gowns pinned up so that they
couldn't sile 'em, effeckshunitely bilin' soap
together and aboosin' their nabors."
Es~ A friend of mine who is really one of
the boys, felt little off color last week, so
he went to doctor to find out all about it.
"Doyou drink !" asked the disciple of Es
culapius.
"rhen give it up. DO you smoke"
eyes"
"Then give it up. Do you remain out
late at night"'
SHeS.'
'Then give it up. Do you"
"NO, don't"
"What?" asked the astonished physician.
"Pay ten dollars to be made fool Of"
And out he walked from the Office, with
out Tightening his pocket-book.
n1~ An exchange tells this good story:
They stopped, looked and commented upon
his being drunk or asleep. Finally, one
said:
80, come along; can't you see the fellows
drunk ?'
Up came the head of the drowsy individ-
ual, and, with eyes half closed, leered at the
man who had just spoken, and answered
with big oath
eyes, I'm-er drunk but (hic) Gamer get
over that. You're id (hic) fool, and
you'll never (hic) get over that"
R9- An Irishman one day came running
into barn-yard, and hurriedly cried for
spade. The farmer, coming out, demanded
what he wanted with it, when Pat replied
that his friend had stuck in bog, and he
wanted to dig him out. "How far is he
imp" inquired the farmer. '"ro his ankles"
said Pat. 'Is that all ?" said the farmer.
"Then he can pull himself out again. You
will get no spade here" Pat, scratching
his head, while his face bore evident signs
of grief, blurted out, "Och, but be jabers,
he's in head first"
THE OTHER PARTY LAUGHED.-Some
boys recently tied dish-pan to dogs tail
by a long rope, and the dog picked the pan
up in his teeth, ran quietly down behind a
barn, crawled uuder it and went to sleep in
the pan. The dog just opened his mouth
and smiled away back to his hips, when he