The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1883-09-08
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

--ScltmOn said, '(io to tho ant" bot
the perverse y"uth Of to-day goes to his
"uncle.
"A hard case-the oysters.
The key note--"Wife let me in."
A revival meeting-A catnphor tot-
tie and fuiniing worUan's nose,
p sitiTe, wal comparative, waiter;
superlstive, go get it Yourself.
The wig is the missing link. 1t IL
neither man nor monkev, but bare
boon.
Glove laughs at locksmiths.' Reckon
it's because they wear such big aprons.
-"Little girl, where is your fathet2'
Poor papa died two 7esrs before was
born"
1t isn't the bathing that IS tbs great
attraction at the seashore. II is the fee
male batbers.
of tow. says he thinks be can now ap-
Preciste what it is to be AL orphan.
1t has become the fashion for rich
men to own stesm plea@nr- chts. but
the poor man, as usual, has to content
himself with schooners.
-Gayly colored fans are the latest ad-
vertising venture. Good thing to ''raise
the wind
One of the most trying moments in
mans life is when be is getting his
picture taken to send to his hest girl.
and is just assuming his most ang,-
ic expr"sslo', aud fly al ghts on his
nose. ff
-Longfellow sail. ~ this wt.ri h
man must either be an anvil or hammer"
Longfellow was wrong, however. Lots
Of men are neither the active hammer
nor the sturdy anvil. They are nothing
but bellows.
Why not subscribe for the CARBON
ADVOCATE. only 81 per aunpn2
An intemperate citizen of Jersey City
calls his stomach "Hades," because it is
the place of departed spirits.
LET me kiss him for his mother"
Is what Desdemona remarked about
Othello before she become pillow case.
Walls have ears. OF course they
have. You remember how quickly the
walls of Jericho tumbled to the rackei2
-Wben a death occurs in a Boston
family the surviving members eat black
beans for month as o mark of respect
for the dead.
-Matrimony is said to be lottery,
but up to the hour of going to press no
law has been discovered prohibiting the
use of the males.
Two or three weeks vacation spent
at farm house is great thing for an
overworked business man. Il so recon
Giles him to his life in the city.
They say in St. Louis that when
Brooklyn man registers at a hotel there
the clerk at once rings the bell and tells
a boy to ''show this gentleman to the
oar"
"A Wisconsin man was killed by a
Cyclone because he wouldn't go down in
the cellar, but insisted on staying above
ground to enjoy seeing his neighbor's
new barn blown to flinders.
There's plenty of room at the top"
is very true OF dudes.
--Somebody has been bright enough
to say. "Langtry and Gebhard the lily
of the valley and the valet of the lily."
The lunatics on b ackwell's Island
are going to follow tue example of luna
tics in other parts of the country aud
start a newspaper.
The cost of stopping train of cars
is said TO be from forty to sixty cents.
Bat it wouldn't do any good to hold up
half dollar to brakeman on the rear
end of a train you have just missed as it
goes out of the depot.
The language in which the current
descriptions nf sensiae and mountain ho-
'els are written ~ termed ~Summ r re-
sort English, aud tue comments Of the
guests will come under the old familiar
name of profanity.
The scheme | want to bring about,
Aud one that's bound to win,
Is turn the raseals inside oHt,
And the outside raseals in.
Two-thirds of the Summer is nov
nearly over. aud the wise Girl who e1.
pets to get married in the Fall will take
all the advantage possible of the SHORT
time remaining OF the ice cream season.
why do you call stupid person
stisk?" asked Rpllo. one day. Add
Rollo's father said be didH't know. un-
less it was because one en was of no
more account than the other.
-"In what condition was the psiri-
arch Juh AT the nd OF his lii'?" a-k-d
ias Sunday schnll teacher 'D.aS.
,almiy responded tue Americas boy.
Private prayer Is yovr ehiaf pressr
vation from sin. temptation snd error
. Rather be beaten in ught IA, sue
. osed IN wrong.