News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-01-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

pen to like either? What then?
THE Washington monument has now
1853 courses of stone and is 336 feet 81
inches high, or q inches higher than the
top of the figure of America on the Cap
itol.
"HAvE you ever seen a mermaid, cap
tain ?" asked lady on Staten Island
boat "Ive seen a good many fish
women, madam, if that's what you
mean, was tie reply.
A YOUNG INVENTOR youngest
inventor on the records in Washington is
Walter Nevegold, lad Is years of age,
of Bristol, Pa, who has patented i'm
portant improvements in rolling mill
machinery.
4 YOUNG man in Des Moines loved
girl so wildly that he wrote her fifteen
letters a day for five weeks. At the end
Of that time she eloped with another
fellow as a matter Of sef-protection.-
Boston Post.
| A PHILADELPHIA man has bought q
schooner and gone in search Of seals
His wife wants sacque for the coming
winter. an he calculates to save sew
eral hundred dollars by getting the
material in this way.
We are willing to take a certain
amount of stock in newspaper accounts
of Western. cyclones, but when an Arkan.
sas paper tells about zephyr carrying =
bed quilt sixty-one miles, and then going
back for the sheet, we amt there.
ONE sign of prosperous times is the
activity among dealers in patent medi-
cines. Or is it an indication OF hard
times on the theory that the people have
less time to fuss over their fancied all
ment when they get busy ?-B Boston
transcript.
HEALTH journals say that to retain a
sound constitution a man must lie on the
right side. Yes, but which is the right
side? Every lawyer, preacher and edi-
tor in the country thinks the side he is
lying on is the right one.-T8cas SIT
ings.
HEREAFTER, when you are in New
York, don't drink. One OF the Central
Park Ostriches swallowed a glass of lager
beer the other day, and died almost i'm
mediately. 1t doesn't do to touch New
York liquor unless you were born in the
place, and weaned on lt.-LoUeH C9t-
izen.
DEAN STANLEY is said to have had
great love for children, though he was
childIess. As the Dean might at any
time have drawn on an orphan asylum
for fifteen or twenty little prattlers, and
as he never did do so, it is fair to infer
that the Dean was a gentleman of re-
markable self-control, and that he never
allowed his affections to run away with
him.
OSCAR WILDE lost his trunk while on
a lecturing tour last fall, and his legs
were in a state of perturbation painful to
see. "'Ere, AIRY AIRY 'Ere's jolly
go, [ say! [ ave the brawses for the
luggage. and the blooming conductor as
gone and shunted the luggage van off OH
another line, don't you know Blawst
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- ,lle -. t,.,,I,Io
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Sou iN1io" ~ ''''7'
The modern Esop: A father had four
SONS. who were yery naughty. and often
gave the neighbors cause for serious dis
satisfaction. For this reason he sum
moned them in his presence and showed
them four twlgs OF hazel. lake houce'
my sons, that II should stl1ke you win
one OF these tWlgs alone you "oulo le1i i
niue "heie'S' - = 'i'''''''' t.--..' >,
,,,.l ...,..,, l,, +i.3 +!,.n, I..,..th.r nnd
,-,,.o Ill.,. 4...,.-.. -,upd tl,ra.hing Ii tyie-
0cud. Ji,lt...
lHE4 :, Lac only peen married snort
'i'ne, -, 1;, ''',r a,,5 yrorhlod .,,, in low
'1io'i-iI' -l-l--' ..na -, ,oo1iza
,7"I"i ,l1ll,' n,,4 NON, w., oro married
n.y. ara rl,''' ooIv one o, oNo" REPLIED