The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-07-06

tie ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS qutre Wen In
Madagascar. and that they will be able
to spell their names before many moons
have elasped.
An old friend with new face: Gus
tomer-"Have YOU any tirst-class music
al Instruments" Shop-keeper-"Yes,
sir; best stock in town, sir: can't be
beat" Customer Cunning to go out
Cant be beat, eh? Sorry; wanted
drum.
Lady Ito deaf butcher): "Well Mr..
Smallboncs, how do you find Yourself
to day?" Smallbones: ''Well I'm
pretty well used up, mum. Every rib
gone: they've almost tore me to pieces
for my shoulders; and never had such
run on my legs. +"
Bismarck is buying a million acres of
land in Mexico for his countrymcn.
The time seems coming when sauerkraut
and the pretzel will push their way into
the land of the Aztecs, along with rail-
roads and the telephone. -Pttsburg
Telegraph
"Are your domestic relations agree
able?' asked u Judge of II colored wit
ness. whats dat conjunction boss?"
81 ask are your family ties pleasant?
"Wall, no. sab. When Il oman ties q
man when he's drunk an whips him till
he's sober, doan think dat it's pleas
ant, sab"
The following is Il remarkably neat
instance of the retort direct: a husband
advertised that he, Thomas A,
would no longer be answerable for the
debts incurred by his wife. Thereupon
the wife replied: This is to notify that
|, Elizabeth A, am able to pay all
my own debts now that have got shut
of Tommy
Sunday-school teacher: "What is the
first and most important of the sacra-
ments?' Little year-year old female
scholar: Marriage" Teacher: go no!
baptism is first and most important"
Small girl: "Well, it may be with some
family; we are respectable people, we
arr"
Two young fellows stood before bill
board the other night intently perusing
the announcement of the Boston Ideal
Opera Company. Finally one remark
ed What is the Boston Ideal any
how?' The other looked at him half
contemptuOusly for moment and re-
piled in deprecatory tone: Don't
know what the Boston Ideal is? Why,
you ninny, it's baked beans
The Atlanta Constitution has discover
ed why the rains descended and the
floods came upon Louisville. 1t was
because ''the bald-headed paragrapher
of the COurier-J0urnat said that every
American woman imagines herself pref
tier than Langtry. And yet not more
than three days ago this insidious rascal
wrote: Woman have fancy, but no inn
agination. "
A member of Congress he from
Michigan?-was recently invited to a
dinner in Washington. He says: There
wasn't anything on the table when
got there but some forks and spoons and
bricky-brac. Presently they brought in
some soup. As didn't see nothin' else,
| thought I'd eat all the soup could,
though soup is Il mighty poor dinner to
invite fellow to. So | was helped four
times; and then came on the finest din
ner ever see, and their l Set groan-
ed he, ''chock full of soup!'- Detroit
Free Press.
A countryman went to a lawyer. laid
before him case in dispute. and then
asked him if he would undertake to
win the suit. Lawyer: "Most certain
" l will undertake the case, we are
sure to win!' Peasant: $50 YOU really
think it is good case?" Lawyer: "Un-
doubtedly; am prepared to guarantee
YOU will get verdict in your favor"
Peasant: Well, then. sir, don't think
I'll 90 to law this time, for, YOU see,
have just given you my opponents case,
acI not ,,,,- ,,ur,, -