The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-04-04
HIS PA INSULATED.
The Bad Boy Gives His Father Royal
Bumper Degree.

The Bad Boy Gives His Father Royal
Bumper Degree.
"Say, are you a Mason, or a Nod
fellow, or anything?" asked the bad
boy of the grocery-man as he went
to the cinnamon bag on the shelf
and took out long stick of cinna-
mon bark to chew.
why, yes, of course l am J; but
what set you to think of that?"
asked the grocery-man, as he went
to the desk and charged the boys
father with half pound of cinna-
mon.
swell. do the goats bunt when
you nishiate a fresh candidate ?"
mo, of course not. The goats are
cheap ones that have no life, and
we muzzle them, and put pillows
over their heads, so they cant hurt
anybody" says the grocery-man, as
he winked at brother Odd Fellow
who was sitting on sugar barrel,
looking mysterious. "But why do
you ask?"
20, nuthin, only l wish me and
my chum had muzzled our goat with
a pillow. Pa would have enjoyed
his becoming a member of our lodge
better. You see, pa had been tel
ling us how much good the Masons
and Odd Fellers, did, and said we
ought to try ard grow up good, so
we could jim the lodges when we
got big, and asked pa if it would
do any huTt for US to have play
lodge in my room and purtend to
nishiate, and pa said it would not
do any hurt. He said it would inn
prove our minds and teach us to be-
come men. So my chum and me
borried a goat that lives in livery
stable and carried him up to my
room when pa and ma was out
riding, but the goat blatted so we
had to tie a handkerchief around
his nose. and his feet made such
a noise on the floor that we put some
baby's socks on his feet. Well, sir,
my chum and me practiced with that
goat until he could bunt the picture
of goat every time. We borried a
buck beer sign from saloon man
and hung it on the back of a chair,
and the goat hit it every time. That
night pa wanted to know what we
were doing up in my room, and |
told him we were playing lodge,
and improving our minds, and pa
said that was right, and that there
was nothing that did boys of our
age half SO much good as to initiate
men, and store by youthful knowl-
edge. Then my chum asked pa if
he didn't want to come up and take
the grand, bumper degree, and pa
laughed and said he didn't care if he
did, justto encourage the boys in in
nocent pastime that was so improv-
ing to our intellect. We had sut the
goat up in the closet in my room,
and he had got over his blatting, 80
we took off the handkerchief, and
he was eating some of my paper col
lars and skate straps.
We went up stairs and teld pa to
come up pretty soon and give three
distinct raps, and when we asked
him who comes there he must say
a pilgrim who wants TO join your
ancient order and ride the goat. -"
Ma wanted to come up, too, but we
told her if she come in it would
break up the lodge, "cause woman
couldn't keep a secret" and we
didn't have any side saddle for the
goat: Say, if you never tried it, the
next time you nishiate a man In your
Mason's lodge you prinkle a little
kyan pepper on the goats beard just
before you turn him loose. You
can get three times as much fun to
the square inch of goat. Well, We
got all fixed and pa raped, and we
let him in and told him he must be
blindfolded, and he got on his knees
laughing, and / tied towl around
his eyes and then l turned him
around and made him get on his
hands also, and then his back was
right toward the closet door, and /
put the buck beer sign right against
pas clothes. He was a laffing all
the time. and said we boys were full
of fun as they made 'em. and We
told him it was solemn occasion,
that we wouldn't permit no levity,
and if he wouldn't stop laffing we
couldn't give him the grand bumper
degree. Then everything was ready,
and my chum had his hand on the
closet door and some kyan pepper
in the other hand, / asked pa in low
bass tones if he felt as tho he want
ed to turn back, or if he had nerve
to 60 ahead and take the degree. /
warned him that it was full of dam
gers, as the goat was loaded for beer,
and told him he yet had time to re-
trace his steps if he wanted to. He
said he wanted the whole business,
and We could go on with the man.
agerie. Then ! said to pa that if he
decided to go ahead aud not blame
us for the consequences, to repeat
after me the following; Bring forth
the Royal Bumper and let him
bump" Pa repeated the words,
and my chum sprinkled the kyan
pepper on the goats moustache and
he sneezed once and looked sassy,
and then ne saw the large beer goat
rearing up, and he started for it just
like cow-catcher and blatted. Pa
is real fat, but he knew he had got
hit, and he grunted and said !:
"Hell's fire. what are you boys
doin?" and then the goat gave him
another degree, and he pulled off
the towel and got up and started for
the stairs, and so did the goat, and
ma was at the bottom of the stairs
listening, and when l looked over
the banisters pa and ma and the
goat were all in a heap, and pa was
yelling murder, and ma was scream
ing fire, and the goat was blatting,
and sneezing, and bunting. and the
hired girl came into the hall and
the goat took after her, and she
crossed herself just as the goat hit
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