The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1883-06-06
THE BADBOY ALL BROKEUP.
BADLY wREoKED BY POOLING WITH
AN OLD PAGER.


nowT said the grocery man to the
bad boy, as he came in to the grocery I
on crutches, with one arm in a sling, |
one eye blackened, and strip of court |
plaster across one side of his face.
"Where was the explosion, or have |
you been in a iight?"
"Oh, there's not much the matter |
with me-" said the boy, in voice that
sounded all broke up, as he took big |
apple off basket, and began peeling
it with his upper front teeth. eff you |
think am wreck you ought to see
the minister. They had to carry him
home in instaIments, the way they buy
sewing machines. am all right, but |
they have got to stop him up with
oakum and tar before he will ever hold |
water again"
"Good gracious, you have not had |
! fight with the minister, have you2
Well, have said all the time, and L
stick to it, that you would commit a
crime yet, and go to State prison. What |
was the fuss aboutp" and the grocery |
man laid the hatchet out of the boys |
reach for fear he would get excited and
kill him.
"Oh, it was no fuss. 1t was in the
way of business. You see the livery
man that was working for promoted
me. He let me drive horse to haul
sawdust for bedding, first, and when
he found 1 was real careful he let me
drive an express wagon to haul
trunks. Day before yesterday there
was funeral, and our stable fur
nished the outfit. 1t was only a COM
mon eleven-dollar funeral, so they let
me go to drive the horse for the min
ister-you know, the buggy that goes
ahead of the hearse. They gave me
an old horse that is thirty years old,
that has not been off walk since nine
years ago, and they told me to give
him loose rein, and he would go
along all right. It's the same old
horse that used to pace so fast on the
avenue, years ago, but ! didn't know
it. Well, 1 want to blame. just
let him walk along as though he was
hauling sawdust, and gave him a
loose rein. When we got off Of the
pavement the fellow that drives the
hearse, he was in hurry, cause his
folks was going to have ducks for din
ner, and he wanted to get back, so he
kept driving alongside of my buggy,
telling me to hurry up. l wouldn't
do it, cause the livery man told me to
walk the horse. Then the minister,
he got nervous, and said he didn't
know as there was any use of going so
slow, because he wanted to get back
in time to get his lunch and go to a
= ministers meeting in the afternoon,
but told him we would all get in the
cemetery soon enough if we took it
cool, and as for me / wasn't in
no sweat. Then one of the drivers
that was driving the mourners,
he came up and said he had to get
back in time to run wedding down
to the l o'clock train, and for me to
pull out little. have seen enough
of disobeying orders, and told him a
funeral in the hand was worth two
weddings in the bush, and as far as
was concerned, the funeral was going
to be conducted in a decorus manner
if we didn't get back till the next day
Well, the minister said in his regular
Sunday-school way, My little man.
let me take hold Of the lines and like
a blame fool l gave them to him
He slapped the old horse on the crup-
per with the lines and then jerked up
and the old horse stuck up his off car,
and then the hearse-driver told the
minister to pull hard and saw on the
bit little and the old horse would
wake up. The hearse-driver used tC
drive the old PAGER on the track, and
he knew what he wanted. The
minister took off his black kid gloves
and put his umbrella down between
us and pulled his hat down over his
head and began to pull and saw on the
bit. The old cripple began to move
along sort of sideways, like hog
going to war; and the minister pulled
some more, and the hearse driver, who
was right behind, he said so you could
hear him clear to Waukesha, 'Yee cup,
and the old horse kept going faster
then the minister thought the process
sion was getting too quick, ant
he pulled harder, and yelled
whoa and that made the
old horse worse, and l looked through
the little window in the buggy top be
hind, and the hearse was about two
blocks behind, and the driver wa.
laughing, and the minister he got pale
and said, My little man, l guess yor
better drive and said, Not much
Mary Ann; you wouldn't let me rur
} this funeral the way / wanted 10 anC
now you can boss it, if you will lei
me get out but there was street cal
ahead and all of a sudden there was al
earthquake, and when l come to there
, were about six hundred people pour
ing water down my neck, and thi
hearse was hitched to the fence, tnC
the hearse driver was asking if my le;
was broke, and policeman was fan
ming the minister with plug hat tina
looked as though 1t had been strucl