davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
Thn GhinnSn HnaVnn

In this country" said Mr.. Wong
Foo, editor Of the Chinese American,
the othar day, ''the Cinnamon Of each
province live by themselves and take
care of their dead. There is a Chi
nese plot III Greenwood and another
IN Belleville, n. J. Isee that several
bodies have been removed from the
latter place and prepared fer shipment
to China. Even in the grave the
dead OF each province lie by them
selves"
Are all the Cinnamon who die
among barbarians ultimately taken
hone?"
Most of them; not quite all, ;" re-
piled the editor, glancing over the
proof of a slashing leader on the
spiritual effect Of amputating queues.
There are about 5000 Cinnamon in
New York. Fifty Of them return to
China every month, and of this num-
Der perhaps One-third come back.
eff any one going back to the old
them along. | do not believe that
more than per cent of the China
men who die in the United States are
permanently buried here. Friend
less Celestials are left here, and no one
cares whether they go to heaven or
not.
Cannot one of your race get into
Paradise unless his bones rest IN Chi
nese SOLE"
''Nosir; Cinnamon believe that the
only road to heaven is through their
own country"
'Butif a good, virtuous Cinnamon
who has kept the pigtail and his con
science intact dies in a strange land,
will he be excluded from heaven be-
cause he is poor and friendless?'
That's the doctrine" said Mr.
Wong. According to Christians,
no man can be saved except through
a certain belief, no matter how good
he is; according to Cinnamon, there
is no salvation outside Of China. One
belief is about as rational as the
other"
when you dig up the remains of
your countrymen do you have any
services at the grave?"
1--WE burn a little incense-paper,
maybe, and take a drink, just as
American do on all occasions"
What does the drink signify?"
Its what you would call tost.
We drink peace to the soul of the de-
parted, and prosperous journey to
the body. We use any liquor that
comes handy. Sometimes tea, or
whisky, or, in extreme cases, water. :"
''How are the bodies prepared for
shipmentY
They are embalmed if they are
fresh enough If not, the meat is
scraped off, and the bones only are
carried away"
Then it suffices for Chinamen's
salvation if only his skeleton is buried
IN the home of his fathers?
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
How to Live Happily in the Married
State
New York Sun

New York Sun.
Harmony in the married state is the
first thing to be aimed at. Nothing
can preserve affections uninterrupted
but firm resolution not to differ in
will, and determination in each to
consider the love of the other of more
value than any object whatever on
which wish had been fixed. How
light, in fact, is the sacrifice of any
other wish, when weighed against the
affections of one with who we are to
pass our whole life And though OPP
position in single instance hardly
of itself produce lienation, yet every
one has his pouch, into which all
these little oppositions are put while
this is filling the alienation is insen-
sibly going on, and when filled it is
complete would puzzle anyone to
say why; because no difference of
opinion has been marked enough to
produce any serious effect by itself.
Other causes of discomfort, very COM
mon indeed, are the little cross-pur-
poses of husband and wife in common
conversation; a disposition in either
to criticise and question whatever one
says, a desire always to demonstrate,
and make him feel in the wrong, es-
pecially In company. Nothing is so
goading. 1t is much better. therefore
if our companion views thing in a
different light from what we do to
leave him in the quiet possession of
his views. What is the use ofrectify-
ing him if the thing be unimportant?
Let it pass for the present and wait a
soft moment, more conciliatory oc-
casion of rehearsing the subject to-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
The Burglar Under a Couch.
Pail Mall Gazette


Nine out Of ten women prObab, y
look under their bed every night be,
fore retiring to rest in search of the
muchdreaded burglar; and possibly
one woman in thousand millions
has discovered that often-looked for
visitor What happened on those
rare occasions history saieth not, al
though, considering the universally
of the search, some general rule as to
the measures to be taken In cases of
discovery ought by this time to have
been pretty well established. In de-
fault of such standing order the exam
pie of Mrs Crolly, whose case a re
ported from Dublin, may be COM
mended for information by the rest Of
her sex. Finding a man concealed
under a couch in her drawing-room,
she immediately locked him in, sent
for a Constable, and then, without
waiting for the arrival of the police,
she armed herself with q revolver,
re-entered the drawing-room and
threatened to shoot the intruder If he
stirred. He remained motionless I'M
der the sofa, covered by the muzzle of
Mrs. CrOlly's revolver, until the ar
rival of the Constable, when he was
carried off in costody. But how
many women, it may be asked, have
either the nerve or the revolver of Mrs.
Crolly? Those who lack either or
both will probably console themselves
by rejecting that their is no woman
who cannot scream, and, with few
exceptions, a scream IS as effective for
soaring a burglar off the premises as a
dozen revOlvers.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
---zf%
He Wouldn't Have 1t.

Detroit Free Press.
\ squatty little man, very cOrpulcnt,
very stitf-necked, and very much out
of sorts, halted a policeman at the
cornerof Jefferson avenue and Wayne
street recently and said:
'Ha, sir! but what kind of a city is
this, sir? Hal blowing his nose) it
strikes me that you're a queer set.
Anything wrong?"
'Hal sir! yes (blow) sir! [ came
from with the excursion. I had
scarcely put foot on the street when a
boy called me a caravan, sir Ha Z!
blow a caravan
He shouldn't have done it."
And a stranger slapped me on the
back and yelled Hello, pard = In my
ear! Yes, sir (blow), he did, sir-in my
ear, sir"
That was wrong.
Aud a bootblack, sir (blow), had
the impudence to call my feet freight
cars, and to ask me what line [ run
on. Yes (blow), sir-what line Irun
on Ha! sir"
He deserved arrest"
'Ha! he (blow) did, sir. I want the
the people of Detroit to understand
that I'm worth S14, 900, sir, mostly IN
cash-mostly in cash, sir"
Eyes"
And I've been justice of the peace
for twenty-five years, sir! Ha. (blow)
SIR
rs it possible?"
Yes, SIR CA long blow. And
when one of your villains calls out
to shoot this hat, sir, | want him
TO understand that I'm also post
master"
You are"
Eyes, sir; an.l when anyone sneers
at my clothes sir, let him remember
that I've run for the legislature the
legislature, sirl Hal (blow) and was
almost elected! l won't have this un-
due familiarity, sir! Why, no man
IN my town would dare to call me
pard' let alone slapping me on the
backi Why, sir (blow), why-but |
want this stopped"
Yes, sir"
Il won't put up with it,
Eyes, sir"
7 am entitled to respect, sir!
Yes Colow), ha! ha! I am STRIP
Eyes, sir!"
He walked up Jefferson avenue,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
An Historic Virginia Mansion.
From the Richmond State.

Ossian Hall, in Fairfax county, adj
joins Ravenworth, the fine estate of
General w. IT. T. Lee. In the revo-
lutionary days it belonged to the
Fitzhughs, and afterwar. to the
Stuarts. 1t is now owned by gentle
man IN New York. The estate former
ly embraced about 3, 900 acres of land,
but is reduced ROW to 700. The man
sion, which was built in.colonial style,
resembling Mt. Vernon, Is over 100
years old, surrounded by lofty colon
nades The halls and rooms are spa
cious, the surroundings beautiful, the
terraced grounds covered with males
tic oaks, various species of pines.
hollywood, magnolia, mock-orange,
calycanthus-the ivy and woodvine
Irvine around the old trees as though
they would hide their decaying trunks
and support their declining years. The
old mansion was once q favorite resort
of General Washington. and one Of
the rooms still retains the name of
Lady Washington room. AS we
walk through and around this old his
toric place ones thoughts wander back
a century ago, when it was the abode
of wealth, culture and refinement,
when the great and good congregated
here, nor scarcely dreamed of the
mighty events which were there hid
in the womb of the future
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
COULD NOT LIFT 4 POUND.

The above are the words of Mrs Harriet Bailey, Of
Putnam Conn She writes May 5, 1888: Il have been
troubled kidney and liver disease for two years
suffered severely in the back and oins Before TAX
ing your wonderful medicine, Hunts Remedy, could
not lift pound After giving il fair trial. began TO
improve. and can now truly say it a 'Godsend 10
me- as am now able to do my household work and en-
Joy the best of health. I have recommended Hunts
Remedy to two of my neghbors, who have been great
" benefited by This letter Voluntarily with
the hope that il viii be the means of inducing some
sufferer to Hunts Remedy, and be cured as have
been.n
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

The moralist says: Every man is
occasionally what he ought to be pre-
Then again some men are
perpetually what they ought to be
only occasionally.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

but had not gone block when truck
man, who was tossing watermelons to
a man on the walk, made a miss, but
hit the 1000 man in the back with
a twenty FOUNDER, and cried out:
Look out, Shorty, or you'll be
counted in and sold for quarter
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Here is another point in favor of the
Darwinian theory: There is boy in
Norristown who ''sprang from a mon
key" The monkey belonged to an
organ-grinder, and attempted to bite
the how
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
Important.

When you visit or leave New York city, save
baggage, expressage and carriage hire, and stop
at the GRAND UNION HOTEL, opposite Grand
Central depot; $50 elegant rooms, fitted up at
cost of one million dollars, reduced to 81 and up
ward per day. European plan. Elevator Res
taurant supplied with the best. Horse cars,
stages and elevated railroad to all depots. Fam
lies can live better for less money at the Grand
Union Hotel than at any other frsU-ciasS hotel in
the city.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

An old bachelor recently gave the
following toast. Woman morn
ing star of infancy, the day-star of
manhood, the evening star of age
Bless our stars, and may they always
be kept at telescope distance
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
n T. ALEXANDER


She went into a shop to buy some
toilet soap, and, while the shopman
was expatiating on its merits, about
made up her mind to purchase, but
when he said it would keep off chaps
she said she didn't want that kind.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Is there anything wrong IN kiss
mgr he asked her, as they stood to-
gether at the gate Certainly there is
she replied, ''or there wouldn't be any
fun in il
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

II you are frequenter or resident of MAS
matte district, barricade your system against the
ScOurge of all new cOuntrieS-ague. bilious and
intermittent feyers-by the use of Hop Bitters.
LUDINGTON Mich, Feb. , 1880
/ have sold Hop Bitters for four years and there
is no medicine that surpaSSeS them for bilious at
tacks, kidney complaints and many diseases Incl
dent to this malariiu climate
H T. ALEXANDER
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
Good Men.

Plato says good men should not except presents
from wicked men, but this does not rsfer to Aliens
Iron Tonic BitterS which wise men know cures all
chronic disorders of the stomach, promotes diges-
ton and invigorateS the whole system All
genuine bear the signature of J. P. ALLEN, st.
Paul Mimi
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

THE MINISTER WHO FAILS to interest his conqreoa-
ton and build his church generally preacher
of not studying hard enough THAT always
from. Dyspepsia and liver disorders responsible
dull sermon and pulpit When the Dons
apparatus working and his giving him pain and his
brain refuses do duty almost impossible
good sermon Give suffering minister bottle Iron
You will its effect Sundays preaching The Rev. Mr.
Zhng of Codorus Pa parazd and could walk except with
crtches until Browns Iron Bters made of him. The Rev.
Mr. White of Rock HILL S. 1t
gor Browns Iron Bers only for the minister but for all people
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Great improvements have recently been made
IN Caroline, a deodoriZed extract Of petroleum,
the great natural hair remover, and row it is alb
solutely perfect as an exquisite and delightfully."-
body is delighted with it. Sold by all drug
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

The reason Thanksgiving comes in
November is because flies, mosqui-
toes and soda water are things of
the past and people are mighty
thankful.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
He Takes the Odds.
From the Texas Siftings.

"Drap dat watermilIion, Jeems,
drap that million. Don't ye know
dat de cholery is in Europe?"
mo, is dat a fac?"
An it's gwine to come Lero.
us dat so?'
1T is fur a fac, an watermilIions
am de vussest kind OBJ fruit to bring
on de cholery. Han dat million ober
heah, Use done had de cholery wunst,
an [ amt Altered"
docs folkses hab de cholery of
ten?'
"Nebber but wonst, nebber but
wonst When it strikes a niger
,ae's mostly done dead de fust cIat-
ter"
Don't it kill dem as don't eat
watermillion?"
Yes, it do, but it's wusser on dem
as eats defruit. If We hab de water
million habit ye STAN ten to one to
die"
"Well, Uncle Nose, Use ies made
up my mind ter take de odds"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Pure Cod liver OH made from selected livers
on the seashore, by CAswELL, HAZARD u Co.,
New YOrN. 1t Is absolutely pure and sweet
Patients who have taken it once prefer it TO al
others. Physicians have decided it superior to
any of the other oils ia the market
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

The VoLTAIc BEET Co., Marshall, Mica, will
send Dr. Dyes Celebrated Electro-Voltaic Belts
and Electric Appliances on trial for thirty days
to men young or old who are afflicted with
guaranteeing speedy and complete restoration of
healtH and manly vigor. Address as above n.
B.-No risk is incurred, thirty days trial is al
lowed.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

I'm happy to sag DR.. BcnsOns Skin Cure has
cured my Eczema of the scalp, Of four gears
StGndiag.n Jno. A. Andrews, Atty at Law
Ashton, H. 81. at druggists. Endorsed by physi-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

A Colorado man was recently killed
while gathering scuttle of coal in
his back yard. After a few heart
rending occurrences like this, wives
will begin to learn their household
dutieS
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

"MoTHER SWANS WORM SYRUP" for feverishness
restlessness. worms. constipation. Tasteless 25c.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Don't forget to purchase a return
ticket when you go on your vacation.
1t may come handy to get back with.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
Eho Conductor.

Conductor Warren, of Winona, Mimi. says
used one bottle of Warmers White Wine of Tai
Syrup, when l was so hOarSe l could not speak
above whisper, and in twenty-four hours it cured
me. 1t is the best remedy l ever saw.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
Free to all ministers,

l win give two bottles Of Warmers White Wine
of Tar free of all costs. to any minister VIII will
send order from his store keeper for two d0z
bottles Of the same.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
.tS ptClIUIIy UUIo,
r A CHM M |

Dean and Professor of Surgery, United
States Medical College of New York:
editor of Medical Tribune; author of
Gums New and Improved Hand Book
OF Hygiene AMI Domestic Medicine.
etc, etc,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

IREDEIL COUNTY, II. C-The Ex-Sheriff. Mr.. w
T. WaSSon says: Browns Iron BitterS has i'm
proved my digestion and general health.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

gether. It is wonderful how many
persons are rendered unhappy by n
attention to these rules of prudence,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

An Arkansas man found out
after he had married a woman
that she was a widow and he had
helped to hang her first husband.
It is presumed she married him
out Of revenge oil City Blizzard.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

recommend to those suffering with Hay-Fev
Ely'S Cream Balm. l have tried nearly all the
remedies, and give this decided preference 1t
gave me immediate rehef-C. I. STEPHENS, Harl
ware Merchant, Ithaca, N Y. Price soc.
Eyes, [ loved that girl once" said
Charley Poddington, as young lady
passed HIM on the sidewalk Did she
return your love?" asked his compan-
ion. mo, nor the $100ring gave her
neither y
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Why suffer longer from Catarrh, Hay Fever.
and cold in the Head? A sure cure is EIy's Cream
Balm. 1t is not liquid snuff, and is easily ap-
piled. Fifty cents.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Chapped Hands, Face, Pimples and Rough
Skin cured by using 10 PER TAR SOAP, made
by CAswELL, HAzARD ~ Co. New York.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

"BUCHJ-PAIBA.'- Quick, complete cures n.
annoying Kidney and Urinary Diseases. S100
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

Louisiana colored girls make
dresses out of corn huSks. Their
bcaus make overcoats of corn, and
as they wear them inside it makes
their voices husky.-Ol City Biz
zard.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
Personal! no NEen only.

SKINNY MEN. W elPs Health Remover" re-
stores health and yigor cures dyspepsia, impotence
a
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

DR.. BenSOn's Celery and Chamomile Pills for
the cure of Neuralgia are a success. Dir G.
?. Holman, Christianburg, Va. 50 cents at drug
giStS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

The number Of country girls anx-
ious to learn dressmaking from a
sharper, who gathers in $16 a head
and then decamps, is almost equal to
the number OF girls who light fire:
with kerosene.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

KEYsER. w. VA-Dr W. D. Ewn, says: MANY
esteem Browns Iron Bitters as an excellent
tonic
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

CROUCH On RATS. clears out rats mice flies
rnachas he'd -hmgs- ants vermin. chinmnnlSS &c.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-12-18
Letter From well Known New York
Auctioneer. tl.I. ~ d,

1t6 & l1s East FOURTEENTH Strict, New
YoRK, May 18th, 1881 have been troubled
with an irritation Of the threat and q cough
Tor some time. lam also martyr to dya-
pepsia. By the advice Of very learned
physician I applied two Allcoccs Porous
plssters to my chest, and one on the pit OF
my stomach. In three days my cough wEs
cured and my throat was well. have now
worn the PlRstets two weeks, and my sppe-
tlte and digestion have much improved. !
am confdent that In another week my dys.
pepsla will be entirely removed. l have
never used 80 pleasant aad agreeable remedy
In my LIE. THos. MArHEwl
"Al!cock,S, 10 the only genuine Porous
Plaster; all other 50 called Porous PlAsters
are limitations. TTasAw
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-12-18
Baron renpyBon.

Net1 l0fS Hedh
The last section Of the title assumed by
the poet laureate on being elevated" to the
peers 20 is The name oil an ancient Norman
family, the D'Eyncourts, from whom the
Tennysons claim to be descended. The
poets uncle, Charles Tspnyson, who was a
somewhat noted member OF Parliament In
his day, in 1886 was made happy by royal
license which permitted him to add D Eyn-
court 10 his name. The poet has always
prided himself on his ancient lineage.
Reports as to his ability to support the dig.
nifty OF a peerage are conflicting. A para.
graph was recently published TO the effect
that his total income is only 10000, but
as he was reputed to be worth 81, 000,0 900 q
few years ago, his income ought TO be dou.
BILE the first named figures. In person he
looks little enough like poet. His face Is
strong and bis eyes have q certain bright
nees, but he ia reamed, rather than
yrinkled, from forehead to chin; heappears
TO be puffy; he Is partially bald; he stoops
and shufiles; dresses ordinarily and care.
lessly, and has generally rustic mein.
His family consists Of his wife and two sons,
Hallam and Lionel, the last named hay.
ing about four years sgo assumed the sur
name OF Turner, to qualify himself to suc.
coed to the Lincolnshire estate Of his IN.
Gle, the Rev. Chas. Turner, which Is worth
over 5000 year. This brother oil the
poet, in his turn, has assumed the name oil
Turner on succeeding to the property,
which had come into the family through
his grandmother. Tho poet, who Ia now Is
wears Of age, has passed nost OF his Lille
since bis marriage ct Farringtord, on the
Isle Of Wight. Abou fifteen years ago he
built himself a second residence, In pic
turesque Valley in Surrey, where he passes
q part Of each year for the sake OF inland
air and sSopery. This residence Is known
as Aldworth, aud its name IL to be incor
pora.ed in thelaureates title.