Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1883-06-28

OF COQu6ttes, Wnen Ouplu anu Cupiulty
are confeunded and matrimony has
sunk to a matter-o- money indeedI
The dodo and the tuDeful swan are
extinct birds, but | would as soon
think of stocking an aviary with their
three thousand year old bones
as of attempting to start my
conjugal side show on the
sweet, ETHEREAL fgments of the TO-
mancers and dreamers in that blest
period when the world was young, and
people loved and woOed and welded
as their hearts, and not their pockets
and their neighbors' opinions, led
them.
Married. To be married. II Make
myself a blushing target for every
newspaper incompoop in the
country tCr months to conner Set
myself up Ter very cross. roads jour-
nalistic OWL OF dilapidated lemon
squeezer pee aud hatful of plea "pi"
to hurl ba Acts of taffy and slop,
habbergasty Wit and rhetoric, and
cart loads .. vld slippers and so called
good wishes, at and on and all over
me at his will2 Do l not know what
they would say? Have l not been
there2 Have l not said and written
the same absurdities hundred or
thousand times, when other fellows
have been the victims2 Who is there
that cannot rattle it off like a prize
poll parrot2 The groom, gallant
soldier or boss Of a sutler wagon dur
ing the war, handsome, gifted, bril-
liant, versatile, ct i'd omne genus
humbugibus. The bride, one Of the
loveliest daughters of her noble State,
beautiful N person and charming in
mind and character, adorned with all
the virtues and graces that render
young womanhood glorious and fitted
for queenship in any realm. The i'm.
pressive ceremony, the exquisite
bowers of tropical flowers; the inspir-
ing strains of the grand organ, or the
music from foliage hidden harps and
viols, delicious, languid, vague, like a
poppy breath in a sound; the crush
of rich costumes, the sweep of silken
trails and the glitter of priceless
jewels, the costly presents, the sumpt
uous repast, etcetera. eteetera, ad in
finitum and ad diseustitum; winding
up with the regulation volcanic out
burst of sick lunatic asylum business.
May heaven do for the newly welded
pair all the idiotic and preposterous
things that twaddling rhymesters usu-
ally request on such occasions. Shower
blessings enough on their heads to
wear FIVE thousand cast iron or gutta
percha pates as bald as billiard balls.
Scatter roses along their pathway UNI
til they have to get a locomotive snow
pillow to shovel them away. Grant
them skies SO undoubtedly bright that
they will have to carry two ply blue
cotton umbrellas at midnight, and,
when their earthly lives and loves are
over, bear them away in the same
celestial egg basket, beyond the smil~
ing and the weeping, beyond the wax
ing and the sleeping, and several other
things to tedious to mention. Selahl
Have | not heard it alp Who is not
familiar with it2 Stale, electrotyped,
nonsensical. Do you think | want to
be dozed in that styleH Avauntl
Married. To be married. And to a
Mexican grill What sort of a traitor
do you take me for2 Desert my own
country and country women and marry
a foreigner, while the census shows a
million or a half million possible and
probable old maids coming on beneath
the starry banner of the free? Neverl
She is rich. Well, have no banker
ing after a situation to carry some
woman's baggage checks through life.
And she sings like a nightingale. That
is sweet, but | prefer our own mock
ing birds, orioles, or meadow larks.
And she speaks three languages
Heaven preserve mel Any we'll organ.
lied woman can talk enough for me in
one,
Married To be married Nav.
nay. | was but recently an editor.
man! Divide nothing by two, and
perhaps by several, and how much
remainsH Ask to starve some other
gentleman's sister to death? Harness
an angel fresh from realms of celestial
bloom to rag mans dog cart? Clip
the rainbow tinted pinions of a seraph
or seraphina, and give her in ex-
change one ink smeared gray goose
quill. All no, | would not if | could
but | need not fret about it, for l
could not if | would. 1t would be a
swindle too huge for anything but ter
ritorial craftsmanship to contemplate
without feeling a chunk of shuddery
moral ice slide down the vertebral
column. Far be it from me for many
a day. | would rather cook forever
my lone corn dodger, wash my own
solitary paper collar, sew on my own
pasteboard horn buttons, and do my
own darning and other diminutiye
profanity, than dream Of such a fraud
on womankind or unkind. Now,
henceforth, and for ninety days or SO,
world without end, amen, a-womenl
Married. No, no. Good Mister
Spectator, take it back, and let me
out Of the scrapel My mother says I'm
too young anyhow.
Yours fundamentally,
P. DOMAIN.