The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-01-26
HUMOROUS.

One of the saddest moments in life
is when man is looking through an old
vest and thinks he has found a ten-cent
piece, which, when brought to light,
turns out to be a cough lozenge. Puck.
old Mrs. B. came to town last week
from Indiana on an excursion. and when
she was asked why she was in such a
hurry to leave she replied: eve got
to; you see as how came in on an ex-
ertion train and my ticket perspires to-
night. "-Drumm1er.
"A Eairhaven fve-year old CHI Id who
went to hool for the first time, came
home at noon, and said to her mother
81 mamma, don't think that teacher
knows much" ''Why not. my dear p
"Why she kept asking questions all the
time. She asked where the Mississippi
liver was. '-Bost0n Post.
"A child having Sustained horizon
tai Relat ons with His mother S lap, was
heard to Philosophically remark that
Spanking not only Developed the Bot
tom fact of a Slippers usefulness, but
also Afforded the Spankee an adm rable
Opportunity of approaching the Beau
tiful and VI Ondrous Intricacies of the
carpet Pattern -DenUer Tribune.
The New York SIN has embarked
in the laudable business of instructing
its contemporaries, esteemed and
otherwise, in tn use of good English.
There aren nothing that we can tn NIX
of what we despise more than poor
grammar and loose syntax in the news
papers. The San are engaged in good
work. = NOrristoo0n Herald.
Here is Welsh song. The Ameri-
can who would sing it must first take an
emetic, a pinch of5Cayenne pepper in
his nose and breathe the sulphur fumes
of a few matches. Then it comes natural
enough:
"Chwychi ach ochi oche achau-o chowch
Ach uwch achychan
Iachewch eich och ewch ieh iachau
ZACH wychach ewch och achau."
Once u0on a time an editor in
search of food was compelled to pawn
his diamond shirt-studs for loaf of
bread While conveying the humble
meal to his castle hungry dog ran of
with it, and few moments later rob-
bers deprived the editor of his watch.
Instead of being ratified by these unto
ward incidents, the editor smilingly re-
marked Il thank the gods that [ still
have my appetite left. We are taught
by this little fable that true content
ment is the greatest of all journalistic
boons. Chicago Times.
-"Father,'' he began as he entered
the library W tn hesitating step, ''may
l ask you a question ?'' Certainly, my
dear-a thousand if you like Are
you afraid of dogs p" why. no :" did
a dog ever bite you?" "NeYer." s.Did
one ever try TOP mot as | remember
Of" Gould dogs bite you'll they wanted
to-" why, l p esume so but L m moi
AFRAID ''Oh, you needn't be BIZ
afraid, for heard man on Sixth
avenue car say that he was laying fol-
you and would put you where the dogs
couldn't bite you Hesaid you unloaded
on him. M Y Sun.
Major Gale Faxon bought horse
from the pastor of an Austin church,
ard shortly afterwards the following
conversation was heard: "You have
swindled me with that horse you sold
me last week. "How so ?'' asked the
clergyman, very much surprised. 'Well
/ only had him for three days when he
died. !" That very strange. / owned
him twenty-three years, and worked
him hard every day, and never knew
him to do that while owned him, '',,-
Teras StJtinqa