The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1883-11-24
The Upper Berth.

One OF the most difficult things il
this world, next to swimming th'
whirlpool of Niagara, is to get int,
the upper berth in q sleeping car. /
is q moving and affecting spectacle I.
see the fat and habitually dignified
head of = family la%boriousiy &C
quire possession Of an upper berth.
The trouble usually begins by the old
gentleman exp0stulatiug with the
conductor for putting him 80 high up,
and he oegs that gilt-edged official to
| try aud make q trade with spme
small-sized man who can easily climb
up the side of the a and crawl in
side with little OF. no difficulty. The
commanding officer of the quarter
deck says be will see what he can do
about it, and then he wanders eff in
to the blue regions of the smoking-car
and shakes dice with the train boy
for a cigar. Meanwhile the fat man
all the officials of the road, from the
president down to the section bosses.
When the conductor saunters leis-
urely back he tells the fat man that
nothing can be done; no one, he says,
will exchange . lower berth for an
upper-no not even if the fat man
will give something to boot. Then
the dignified fat man glares at the
other passengers. and waits till they
have all retired before he tries to get
into the upper berth.
There are several ways of forcing
an entrance into an upper berth.
You can hire the porter for two bits
to give you a leg up, but this method
is liable to attract attention and excite
ungenerous and sarcastic remarks.
The dignified fat man has q regular
circus. First swinging himself w by
the curtain bar he tries to go in feet
first, but he can't let 60 the rail with
out falling back into the aisle. The
porter helps him out nf this fix and
the fat man tries q new deal. This
time he steps on the ear Of a sleeping
beauty in the lower berth, and the
sleeping beauty knocks the pins out
from under him, and the fat man re-
tires to the wash-room to battle his
nose and abuse monopolies.
Then he gets the porter to bring a
camp stool. he gets on it; catches hold
of the brass rod above, and is about
to spring for the berth when the CAMP
stool doubles up. aud, in his efforts
to save himself from coming down
with q dull thud" on the floor, he
wildly grasps the bell-cord and that
stops the train, and the conductor
comes in and uses Language to him,
and the passengers all wake up and
use more language, and the dignifed
fat passenger even wishes he were
dead or had more clothes on. Finsl-
~ he manages to crawl into the up
per berth, and he bolls oyer with ma
thoughts and sinister desires
for the bankruptcy Of the railroad
1t is q full hour before
be relapses into slumber, and then
the conductor comes along and
punches him and his ticket; and
then a horrible suspicion flashes
across him that the berth may be-
come loosened IN some way from its
catch and spring up against the CELL
ing of the car aud smother him. He
sleeps no more until daylight, and
hen he has to Jump out and dress
1urriedly for the train is running in
the city. A good stretch on the
longitudinal cushioned seats in the
'aboose of a freight train is ma =
'oints ahead of the best upper berth
yer invented for q palace sleeping
and we don't care who knowsit it.
-2szas Sittings.