Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-04-02

People who wonder why mems hair
turns gray before their whiskers should
reflect that there is about twenty years
difference in their respective ages.
A mother noticing her little daughter
wipe her mouth with her dress sleeve,
asked her what a handkerchief was for.
Said the little one: cts to shake at the
ladies on the street. That's what papa
does with his
A German at hotel in New York city
the other day had some Limburger cheese
sent to him. little boy who sat beside
him turned to his mother and exclaimed
mamma, how / wish I was deaf and
dumb in my nose.'
The law against the Importation of
American hogs into Germany goes into
effect in a month. The man who takes
two seats in crowded car while wom-
an with baby stands in the aisle, and
other men of like tendency, will please
take notice, Germany don't want them.
DR.. Hawks OF New York, it is said,
once asked the vestrymen of his church
to increase his salary because of his in
| yourself" said the vestrymen, "the Lord
has said He will care for the young ravens
| when they cry s'I know that" said the
| clergyman, ''but nothing is said about
the young Hawks
A well-known Presbyterian clergyman
| of the lower Delaware counties, some
what famous as wit, was approached by
Baptist clergyman with the question,
s'Well, brother, we're going to have new
| bell for our church. What sort would
| you recommend" There was twinkle
behind the Presbyterian parsons glasses
and he answered promptly, 'sBy all means
diving bell.'
At school examination, clergyman
was descanting on the necessity of grow
ing up loyal and useful citizens. In ordel
to give emphasis to his remarks, he point
ed to a large flag hanging on one side O
the schoolroom, and said: sBoys, wha
is that flag for?'' An urchin, who under
stood the condition of the room bette
than the speakers rhetoric, exclaimed
s'To hide the dirt, SIR
Landlord to tenant: ''Good morning
sir; fine day, sir. Just called around t.
see if it would be convenient for you t.
settle your quarters rent, SIR" Tenant
i ''Did, eh? Do you know, landlord, tina
J none Of the doors in this house will shut?
Landlord-s'New house, sir. new house
you know; takes time to settle, sir.
| Tenant-'tAh, then, there's a pair of us
I'm new tenant; it takes time for me t
settle, too"
An Austin young man had been borin
a young lady with his attentions for som
time past, although on various and sund1
d occasions she had given him to understan
that he was distasteful to her. A fe
! evenings ago he assured her that he ws
II anxious to fulfil her every wish. s'Is
, really a fact that you will do whatever
t. ask of you?" '.Your slightest wish
law. Command me and / shall obey
swell, then, wish you would see if yc
can induce my mother to marry you. 81
is a widow, and is not so particular abo
whom she marries as I am
An Irish laborer attended concert f
the first time, and was asked how he lik
: it. ssWell," he replied, ~ loiked it
except a piece they called the quartht
n They didn't know that at ALL Furrest t
~ two ladies began singing and the two m
er er waited fur thin to stop. Thin they g
in tired of waitin', and started in anyho
of But the ladies kept on, as it was gu
p- roight they should. And when they
for shtopped singing the gurrl at the plan
she didn't know the piece was done, a
just kipt on whole by herself. Th
spoilt it entoirely; but didn't loike /
= piece anyway
Lives OF great men always ft mind us that We
alh all subject TO die says exchange, but
yourself away as long you can raise 25 cents 70
bottle of DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup.