Smyrna times., 1883-07-11
Good Advice to Brother Hopewell.

"Am Purveyor Hopewell in de hall
dis evenin' ?' asked Brother Gardner
as the meeting was called to order.
ayes, sah," replied a voice from the
back row of seats.
"Den please step dis way"
Brother Hopewell shuffled forward
with a mixed look of hope and doubt
on his face. He couldn't make out
whether he was to be rewarded for
pulling stranger out of the river the
other day, or court-martialled for hav-
ng a wheelbarrow in his possession
which three different men claimed to
have been stolen from them.
"Brudder Hopewell," continued the
president as a great silence fell upon
the meeting, "de Odder day met you
down street an l shouldn't have
knowed who you was if Pickles Smith
hadn't identified you. You had on II
suit of togs dat mus have cost $40.
eyes, sah."
"You had hair lie on yer ha'r, you
smelt of perfumery, and you card a
cane"
eyes, sah"
"When you walked you acted like a
man who owned half de town, an when
you stopped yOu struck pose to show
off your figger. Brudder HOpeweIl,
how much money does you airn Il
week ?"
"Bout 50, sah."
"An' how much am you behind on
board?"
"I-I-I s'pects I'ze bout chen.
sah."
Brudder Hopewell, you am in debt
fur board, fur cloze, fur butes, fur
cigars, an you has borrowed money
which you can't pay. has had my
eye on you fur dc pas three months
an l knows all about it. Now, den.
who am you?"
AAOINNCliy S'ln.
"'Zactly-'zactly. You am a single
man, 25 years old, second-class bar
ber, not WORT 500, an out of de $1,000
600 people in dis kentry not Ober 100
has eber heard Of you. Now, den, you
dress up; you swell around; you fling
on scOllOps; you try to deceive peo-
pie into takin' you fur a pusson oh
riches. What am your objick?"
"I-I doan' know, sah," stammered
the victim.
Brudder Hopcwell, let me tell you
sunthin'. When you Aatter yerselfdat
de people of dis kentry doan' know
de difference between de bray of de
mule an de roar of de lion, you am
dredfully mistaken. You have bin fol-
lerin' dc lead of sartin white people. l
knows heaps of 'em who goes hungry
an dodge creditors fur dc sake OF
blindin' pcOple'seycs. Awoman whose
hnsban' Arms $50 a week has no biz.
ness wild silks and diamonds, $l5 hat
or 81 par of shoes, but she am de
pusson who'll have 'em fur fear dat
somebody will think she isn't rich,
Half de kentry am in debt fur clozc
which only de odder half kin afford
De woman who wars de best cloze on
de street has de moas' holes in her par.
lOr ca'pct at home. Deman who swells
de biggest owes de moas' to his tailor
and shoemaker. You am a poo man
You'll nebber have hundred dollars
in bank as long as you llYe. You'll
nebber airn mo- dan huff to run 8
small cabin in small way, an yet you
am swellin' aroun' as if a $4,000 mort
gage wouldn't bodder you haitian hour
What's your objick?"
"I-I-doan' know sah.n
"BOy! take off dat swaller-taileG
coat! Jump outer dem tight pants
Drap that silk necktiel Den you go tc
work an fin cheap boardin' house an
begin to pay your debts. Let you
cloze match your salary, Let you
board match your close, BE what you
am-a common sort O. pussen who's,
assets will kiver his liabilities by hare
pullin' You can't deceive anybody
an de less you try to, de better peopl,
will like you"
Brother HOpewoll retired to his corn
er all broken up, and his first move wa
to offer to trade a handkerchief with
red border to shlndIg Watkins for {
white handled knife with all the blade
broken.-DetrOit Free Press.