Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-07-04
QUITS.
A Commercial Travellers Tale.

Commercial Travellers Tale.
Old commercial travellers will tell you
that in many respects the profession is
nothing to what It was; though for our
own part we are inclined to think that
in many respects the profession has i'm
proved. The penny postage, the tele-
graph, the enormous expansion of the
railway system, have wrought such
changes in the mode of doing business
between town and country, that in the
commercial rooms of 'country-town inns
where, in the 'good old days." score
Of gentlemen would have assembled of
an evening, one nowadays meets but two
or three. Much of its old character,
also, has departed. Before the era of
railways, when men and horses might
be detained at an inn for days by stress
of weather or badness of roads, jollity
and free-and-easiness were q very pre-
vailing characteristic of the commercial
traveller; aud the reckless jollity of the
fraternity-for n fraternity it was, OIL
most masonic in the rigidity of its rites
and the exactness of its etiquette
passed into proverb.
But to our story. There happened TO
be n snug party of commercial gentle
men assembled in the commercial room
of an inn in one of our quaint South
country towns, one winter evening q
few years ago. The cloth had been re-
moved from the table, the customary
toasts had been duly honored, and the
company, some half dozen in number,
had drawn their chairs round the fire,
lit their pipes. and each with his glass of
grog at his elbow had evidently made
up his mind to be rs comfortable and as
cosy as possible.
The conversation was being monopo-
lied by MIR. Hicks, vulgar, puffy
faced, bald-headed man, with large eX-
panse of shirt-front and much ostenta-
tious jewelry, who was standing with his
back to the fire, his hands tucked under
his coat-tails in the orthodox British
fashion. The other men, who were all
younger, were listening with the respect
due to representative of the old school
of commercials, hazarding occasionally
an approving remark, dutifully laughing
at every joke, but in no way interfering
with the great mans periods.
"Ah" he said, wrinkling his fat brow
into q series of parallel creases, and gaz-
ing almost mournfully up at the ceiling,
'traveling amt what it was. There
amt no fun nowadays. You young gents
don't know what it means, for railways
have Knocked it all on the ed. 1t was
something, can tell you, to turn out of
q warm bed at four o'clock of q winter
morning and jump into the trap for q
twenty mile round before breakfast, so
that the Imposition shouldn't get start
of you. Nowadays you jump into your
train with your hulsters, and your wraps.
and your mornn' paper, and you take
your time over matters rs comfortable rs
can be. You don't seem to have the
spirit we had, though we worked and we
had fun, too, can tell you. You work;
but you don't seem to have no time for
fun"
"In what way do you mean, sirP"
asked the boldest of the audience,
"What wayP" repeated the great n an.
"Why, l mean the lodges and larks we
was'up to-"
"What sort of lodges and larb>s?"
asked the other.
30, all sortsr' replied the old geltle-
man. There's so much humbuggin'
etiquette about nowadays. It's what
you call bad form for a gent to play q
trick upon another I've known all sorts
o. things done. They used to hocus one
another's drinks, so as to make the
Imposition sleep 'eavy the next morn
ing; lock their doors on the out
side; change their boots; tell the
boots not to wake 'em until it was
too late to do anything; and as we used
to ave rather wet nights in those days, i
can tell you some of us required a
power o. sleep to shake of the effects.
1t was considered fair and above-board
TO steal march in any way upon gent
who was working in the same line; and
there was much more Imposition then.
although there may be more competition
now; because, you see, such q lots done
by post and wire in these days. Why,
look at me; | 'aven't been here for two
years or more; but know that when /
go round tomorrow to sec how the
other travellers been gettin' on, shall
get just as many orders as if I'd been
regular all that time. Not that all my
customers will know me; but they know
the name of the firm Hooker 81 Smoker
of Dowg3te 'ill-and that's quite
enough for EN-"
"And were you ever tricked in any
of the ways you describeP" asked an
other young commercial.
"Me? me trickedp Not me. Joseph
ticks was always too wide awake. No;
/ was never cinght," replied the great
man. IL once caught fellow i'm the
hact of taking linch-pin out of my
gig; but soon stopped his game. can
tell you. That was at Charing-not
Charing in London, but Charing be-
tween Canterbury and Maidstone. ..
"And did you ever play any tricks
yourselfP" asked the first young man
who had spoken.
Mr.. Hicks slowly turned himself to-
wards the speaker, and, winking his eye
several times, replied: III should just
about think dd-many and many n
one. And now you remind me, I'll just
tell you about one / played.
Mr.. Hicks, having toasted himself TO
his entire satisfaction, now conde-
seconded to let some of his companions
see what the fire was like, settled him
scif slowly and pondcrously down into
the chair which by prcscriptive right
belonged to the senior traveller in the
room, took long sip at his grog, and,
with preliminary clearing OF the throat.
began.
at was in forty-two, and it's q strange
thing, but il was in this very identical
place. There was cocky, stuck-up
young fellow OF the name of Brownsmith
travclin' for Stokes & Nokes, Great
Tower Street, in the same line as mine.
lie 'adn't been ere aforc, and didn't
know who was, so l says to myself,