Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-12-28


a note Of this fact, and look before they leap.
~. y, Morning Journal.
Mr.. Beecher says four-ffths of the inhabi.
tants OF Heaven are women Massachusetts
comes nearer being heavenly State than
any other in the Union, on that basis, for
shc' 100; has large preponderancc OF wo-
meu.-LoneR Courier.
A medical journal devotcs an entire COL
umn telling how TO fall asleep, while we
can do II in three short words go 10
church" This shows the great advantage
of the American paragraph system over the
old fashioned lengthy editorial. - Philadel-
phia Chronicle.
Wilmott wrote; Every year carries
away something beloved and precious into
soft and visionary twilight" This Is very
true; every year about this time VIC look for
or rubber boots, and find they are gone
given TO some tramp.-Lo,reH Citizen.
1t was calico ball, and the understand.
ing had been that nothing but calico should
be worn but Mrs. Shoddy wasn't to DO
cheated out OF an opportunity to display her
wealth, aud she came dressed in a splendid
now satin. She enjoyed herself hugely until
Mrs. Plaintuug met her with, why, how
calico3 All! understand. You didn't
want TO go to unnecessary Expense SO long
as You had something in the house that
would do just as we'll" Mis-. Shoddy was
heard 10 repeat the words chad in the
house in an injured tone as she nOunced
out OF the room.-Boston 7fdnscTpt.
Too numerous to men,lon-those who OK
poet to receive more than hey intend to
give on Christmas.-N. Y. W0rRing Jour
nal.
1--WE must husband our resources" as the
man said when he pocketed the two dollars
his wife had earned for days washing
Phihdeipha CAL.
mo, Charley isn't much of a story.tellcr."
Last night he related little affair that
took place few days ago, and blamed if he
didn't tell it exactly as il occurred. Boston
Transcript.
A medical journal asks, as the resectlon
oil the carcnomatous pylorus justilabe
Operation p All answers must be in before
Christmas or money refunded. CinciRnoG
SATURDAY Night
The musical critic Of the daily paper
wrote, "Mr. So-and-s) is the tenor of the
company It was printed, "Mr. So-and.so
musical critic of the daily suddenly resigned
aud went to Chicago after few words of
consultation with the proofreadcr is not fully
understood. --Uusicdi Rec0d
When Samson's hair was cut short he was
OF no more account than an ordinary man,
aud, as arallcl case in modern history,
oscar Wide Is poor example. -IHilddek-
lin Bulletin.
Tic newspaper foreman got marriage no.
tlce among lot Of items headed Horrors of
1883, and when the editor learned that the
erOoms income was only seven dollars
week, he said it had better remain under that
hcad.-Norristo,rn HrdH
The maiden of old used to dream of
prince mounted on a coal black steed coming
to her fathers gate to ask her hand But
cakes of ice, monkey wrcaches and lead pipe
now find place in the maiden's dream and
the prince is the son of an ice man or
plumber. -S0mOelle Jouradl
A man living near Benton, Texas, has over
100 ncphcws aud nieccs. oar heart swels
with sympathy for the unfortunate at this
joyous Christmas season. Poor man "a
hundred !-LoiceH Chi..a.
Eyes" said Deacon Gipin. the pesky
rats annoy me about to death. | wish could
invent some way to keep EN- ont Of my
cracker barrels I'm tell yer how" spoke
up Amin.dab. l,"How - Keep your
crackers in boxes THAT won't keep the
rats away from EN- "Oh, no hat it would
keep 'em GU. of the barrels" Marathon In-
dependent.
There must be almost as many colonies in
Paris as in New York. Eight thousand have
offered themselves for service in TCnquin.-
". Y. Journal.
Yes says the Idaho man. tits dreadful
unfortunate that my gal got Rugged by that
ar bar. She's sort o held NE in contempt
since. '-Boston Post
A coon club in New Hampshire, after hav-
ing been org inzei tea years. has caniured
It's htst coon Inc coon Is supposed to have
been ill.-Loui,GHie COuriol-Journal.
There is no use in teescoping train of
cars. The people on board cannot see it,
NeW Orleans ifcayHne.
A Boston judge declared the new standard
time legal, and that very night his daughter
sat up with her young man half an hour later
than usual and her pa did not dare to say
word.-I'hl1delphia taN.
The Presidents cabinet is valuable piece
OF furniture So is the weather bureau. So
are the professional chairs in college Blu.
the most popular is Il good 'lounge. THE
Judge.
Barnum's got the white elephant, and the
way you'll have white elephant talked TO you
before another Summer wanes, will about
drive you crazy.-BdStoa Post.