Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-07-13
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| ousu cA'cuis''pn 70 ehhlingi RnR M nRh'..
A wiry man the telephone, central. ssla .
Fish are nervous ThsygArbEs nehooks
too easily. I'D Z w,N n9eWiga
Sweet strsins-a boarding schotf ga
trying to reach an octave on the piano. ''A
1--WE must protect home industries" as
the Burlington man said when he set the
new bulldog to watch for the hired girls
beaus
Little drops Of lager,
Little sips OF gin,
Make the red proboscis
And consume the tin.
Grave charges-too much powder
The onion stands 10 the front rank OF veg
etables.
Bret Hates father married girl out of
| the mill.-Current Item. 1t isn't likely he
married her in it.
Mosquito netting is u frst-ratc thing. 1t
keeps the flies from going out and spelling
their compilations.
An Illinois man has read the Bible through
two hundred times. Bet you The can't tell
where the book OF Ebenezer is.
An exchange advertiscs for sale "a dcprcs,-
cd cylinder engine" Poor thing! Lost its
governor. probably.
Rev. Henry Ward Beecher started house,
keeping on $500 year. Anybody could do
that. The bother would be to keep 1t up all
the yenr.
Saratoga trunks ars now made smaller than
they were. 1t Is said that two OF them can
DO got into the same baggage ear.
Indian cotton cloth is first mentioned by
Herodotus. He had six custom.msdc shirts
built from 1t.
The water Of the holy we'll at Mecca has
boon found to contain $40 grains of solid
matter to the gallon. The term "holy" is
understood to apply to tho intersticcs between
the animalcule.
"Cut 1t Short" said the Burlington man, as
he climbed into the barbers chair. He didn't
refer to his hair, but to the Grafton OF the
tonsorial artist.
1t is said that ex-vice- President Colfax's
new political lecture is very instructive, but
not very amusing. Indeed, it is all cold
facts.
Il Senator Vest, while bathing al Hot Springs
Arkansas, became insensbls, and had a mar.
row escape from drowning. Just see how
much depends on being used to thing.
Wall street brokers complain OF dullness in
the street. Just let 'em turn a mad do.
| loose, and they'll see some lively going
Ion.
Were you In the late war :" asked vet
eran OF badly .deniorslized citizen, who
came hobbling down the street on q crutch
II don't know how lale you mean" was thu
sad reply. "Sh. gave me this one last night
. before tea"
There is u young man 10 Philadelphia
whose name is Hughard. All the girls ar
, crazy to get introduced to lin.
Il Kansas City boasts the largest mule in tn
: world. 1t measures Is fee, from nose t
d tail. There is enough motive power iu it
:. kick to run steamboat
Fifty members of the Texas Legislature
have been indicted for poker playing.
!. they would confne themselves entirely t
8 this intellectual game, the State would b
better Of.
s The quantity of beer produced in the Unit
J. cd States last year averaged more than four
: teen gallons for every inhabitant OF tn
!; country. Somebody has played wietche,
C mean trick on us, then.
II Two settlers in the Apache region wer
n | recently found with their heads cut oil IAN
l. scalped. Medical authorities are agreed tha
q the latter surgical operation was not neces
i sary TO ensure death.
81 \ Florida editor requests his friends nj
to call him colonel any more. 1t gives hir
warlike reputation which he finds ii som'
Is what inconvenicnt to sustain.
III A Missouri farmer recently 'ploughcd up
n little black jug. He ploughcd up to it, an
ri stopped there every time around.
al An exchange has an article on "Walkin
" Clubs for Women" We don't know rs "
i. ever saw club walk, but blamed
IN we wouldn't make 'em s,raddle along sou
u way, il the dear creatures insisted on it.
Del When travelling, It is said that lying wit
e the head toward the engine will cure heat
ache. 1t will |: tbs engine is coming you
- ~ way.
is An exchange, whose proof-reader has ev
te IDENTIFY gone on vacation, says that =
u. 70 Payne Collier is the oldest member of ii
a. newspaper press now Lying" He may
IN the oldest, but he Is not the only one, by
~ long shot.
I'd "Do you think the population of Vermo
b. will ever doubleY" John Not until Il
IT. watermelons and cucumbcrs get ripe, job
ng ''Do you call this hot? 70 exclaimed
y, Western drummer to perspring citizen
al the hotel. the other day. why, man, "
los ought to be out in Southern Micbig;
IN during the dog-days It's 50 hot there th
they have to wipe the sweat OIL the clo'
: face to see what time 1t Is its so hot, s.
that all you have to do is to take bet
steak and wave it three or four times out
the kitchen window, and 1t is done to a
have actually seen dog, sir, try to r
j.. across the street from the hotel. and bcfc
t he struck the curbing on the other side
{ was skinned, peeled, dressed, broiled, a
: Il ready TO lie served up on the table
r sausagcs II la Franchise. But that is no
ing " -" The drummer was startled b.
=. heavy fall on the flor. The Burling