The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-18

A household journal says ''soapsud.
IS. not the bestsw ash for silverware. ,
This Is importantsif true; but what the
| tssocletya young man wants to know
is how to polish up dollar store dia
! mand pin So that il Will look like &
gem OF the first water Norr'5stoscaa Her
IGtQ - - -
"a sefmon {. 'Isooker yer, now, Mr..
! Johrising, OATS gone bout far enough
You say You doan' go to church cause
dem seats hut yo back. Howsomeve1
you'll set heah all day Sunday on desc
hard rocks en- fish. L carn't see de ar
gyment in dat. So you'd better tfrap
dat pole and come to church longer wid
me. You heahP"
BOSS. said negro sbutcher> to an
occasional customer, femme wise yer
not ter buy no NOAH meat down ter
Reds shop, case fur one reason. De
udder day, a man fotch in five hogs
what had died wild de cholera, an dat
niger bought two OBJ. EN- The
'scoundrel! What BECAME of the other
threeP' why, boss, ter keep anybody
else from buyin' EN- bought 'em my
self, sab. Arkansas Tr0Ueler.
Clarence Fitz-Herbert sends us q
beautiful poem beginning II viii wait
Ton any love at heaYveR's gate 2 We
think You are about right, Clarence
People who write that kind of poetry
seldom get any further than the gate
You'll probably continue to wait there
long after the rest of us have passed on
inside unless you reform and quit
writing poetry and learn to spell heaven
with one " Darlington Hasokege.
Sonny, you will please stoop down
and pick up my glassesPe You see /
can't bend very well, said a corpulent
gentlemanto apassing newsboy Yes,
see you can { mister, said the boy, pick
ing up the glasses; you re hunch-back-
ed in the wrong spot for convenience,
ain yer? You could forgit to put some
of your garments on in the morning and
not know anything bout it, fairs obser-
walton goes, couldn't yere''
The discipline of the German army is
almost, if not quite, perfect. 1t is
never relaxed under any circumstances.
A captain and a lieutenant were on the
deck of steamship out at sea for the
first time. How do You feel, Lieuten-
antP'' asked the captain. Very sick,
Captain. why don't you use ba-
sinP' asked the captain. 81 would have
done SO long ago, Captain, but i was
Tor you to be sick first. / would
be court martialed if / were to take
precedence of my ranking officer Will
you be pleased to be sick first, Captain .
A prudent housewife informed her
husband one night that she wanted q
small rug, and that he must buy it be-
cause she didn't look fit to 90 out. s.But
on no account said she, unjust YOU
pay more than 81 for rug worth So;
and if you don't find it in one place 90
to another" ssAll right said the good
man, ''I'll take half day off to-mor-
row." The following morning he mott
fed his employer that he wanted half
day of, because there was sickness in
the family, hoping by means of the
falsehood that his wages would not be
locked. He excused himself to himself
Tor the lie, saying, eff don't get that
rug there will be serious sickness in the
family He succeeded in obtaining the
desired article for S1.99, and ON the fol-
lowing Saturday his employer deducted
81 from his earnings.
A merchant In Paris lost his pocket
book, containing 5000 francs in bank
notes. He Immediately advertised. Of
fering reward of 1000 francs to the