Daily Los Angeles herald., 1883-09-27
you want to pervade my last hour

wlth?
| mo. DEAR cooed Mrs. Spoor
endyke, somewhat at loss to ey
ress herself. "What would yol
like to have me do?''
"Dol'' roared Spoopendyke
who had expected the prospective
wido to burst into tears at th
suggestion OF his demise. "Wha
do expect you to do7 Go fish
ing! When tue lump of I'm
mortality sounds for Spoopen
l,ks / expect you to get u lot o
old hens together and have ,
c.ndy-pulll Understand it now
Does that dying request conve,
to your mind any intelligent idel
Of the last wishes of the defuncr
Think ycu could carry out tina
bequest without getting the NC,
iasses all over the corpse2'
Yes, dear" signed Mrs
Sooopendyke. struggling to keer
the tears back. as in her imagina,
ton she conjured up the vlsage
Of MI. Spoopendyke lying in bis
coffin with his poor face all stuck
up with treacle. "OnIy I wouldn't I
like to have a fire in the house
when you was dead, because il
would be so hot for the mourn.
ers; and, you know n corpse
ought to be sept as cool as posi- :
bic in this warm weather."
so it ought, hadn't ilr yelled
Mr. Spoopendy he, rather st .rtled
BY this practical suggestion that
he might not keep loug in a warm
house. ''And the mourners
ought to be kept comfoI tatle il
they are going to enjoy the pro-
ceeaingsl' he continued. r-mem
bering that in the enumeration ol
ehe reasons for not build ny fiie
the feelings Of the eaved were
consulted before the elect on the
late lalnsnted. "Tbat bus.s that
scheme. No candy pull over the
remains of Spoopendy ke. Can't
ye think Of something else? /
say" he howled. as new and
particularly bright idea struck
niln, "You might have o game
Of Aunt Salty with mel Set ne
up In u corner and throw sticks
at me. and then you could have IN
s,me ice-crean for the mourners
That would keep all hands cool.
How does that strike your Think
you could manage TO put up with
my loss on racket Of that kin dY'
and Mr.. Spoopendyks placed bis
hand to his ear as il ANXIOUS not
10 lose word OF his wife's reply
to this sensible proposition
"Woul.in't you rather have me
get some a ,wsrs, dear, and fill
your poor coffin up with fra
yrance?" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. looking up to him affec-
tionately.
"Nol' roared Mr.. Spoopen :
.iyke, as the grim aspect Of CROSS
es, wreaths anl anchors in tube
roses presented itself to him. IL
don't want ahy measly flowers
Think I'm going to lie still in a
box, while lot of old women
headed by prancing widow in a
borrowed dress march past and
shy vegetables OF mel Think I'm
an opera siuger, to hoistup in my
c fla and bow every time a
Ineasly IDIOT fires o dandelion At
NE, and have some one in the
back end of the church yell
5peechr That your notion Of u
funeral? With your ideas aboui
.leata. all you want is u pair OF
-ilver handles aud an autopsy to
be a railroad accidsntl' and wi b
his complicated illustration OF
his wlfs's views Of immortality
Mr.. Spoopendyke slammed the
door after him and went to the
races.
II don't care,' murmnred Mrs
Spoopend, ke. az he departed
Il i Mt care. At all the funer-
ais / have attended they ha :
Il ,wers, aud if we don't have
-sine when my poor husband dies,
they'll say we didn't have an,
friend. or money. Auv way,
hope he won't die before I do.
aud then hell know what trouble
it is to hunt up his own things
anl what it is TO he without any
pls to put them away .ur him
AMI with this sentiment Mrs
Sloopendyke put her husband
RAZOR strap behind the clock an,
hi, pipe Into The shee-bag. anf
lhsn sat down To wonder huw -h'
wodl look in mourning if sh'
,h.uld ever che driven to til,
pitcb.-Brooktyn Eagle.