Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-05-13
REGISTER RAPS.
"a Buriesque Word is often a Mighty
Sermon

Sermon"
NEGRO CAMP.xEKTING SONG.
Ole Sister Mary drapped her pride,
An all at once got sanctined,
An wheu she fell down for ter pray,
she tuck up wings an new away.
An pray ter de Lawd as fas' as yer can.
Ole Sister Mary, when she riz,
Shuck her leg at the rheumatic,
An few way ober the turnip patch,
On her way TO lift de hebenly latch.
oh, git on de groun', po' sinner man.
An'make move ter iine de ban.
Ole Brudder Ike was full oh sin,
An at de I4swd would stan an grin,
But de de bill grabbed him wild nook,
An down below wild him took -
Oh roll In de SAN, sinful chile,
Au' take from your soul de debil'%oile.
.trkGEsuE Trdccler.
VANpERBILr pays his cook 81 900 a year.
Many young men with legal ambition and
who sell dry goods at $500 per week, would
do well to note this fact.
A Quincy embezzler has returned $4,000
which he got away with about year ago.
A ten cent subscription should be started
at once, in order that we may erect mon
ument TO his memory.
IT must be discouraging to the average
sinner, when he becomes enthused on the
subject "Salvation's free for all, to have a
blank presented him requesting monthly
payments for the same.
THE Salvation Armys quarters were
burned down at Franklin, Pa, few days
ago. Reports say it was hot fire, and it
strikes the average reader whether 1t was
not picture Of the future OF the members
OF the Army.
SOMETHING is out OF gear in Kansas. st.
John, cyclones and grasshoppers seem to
have entirely disappeared, but the inhab-
itants of the sunny State have reason to be
proud to all OF which they point with un.
pardonable pride.
\ NUMBER of Indians at Tallcquah an
nounCe their intention Of starting brass
band, and the United States Government
will allow this Wholesale murder to pro-
coed unmolested, for we know it will kill
many a poor soul who has no ear for the
beautiful.
4 NUMBER of tOothless old maids and
hairless bachelors in Philadelphia have
taken compassion on the harmless
Apache, and are going to learn him tossing
sweet praises and raise wheat. So far
The raising is concerned, we'll guarantee
to the society that he'll learn to raise the
devil and drink bad whisky quicker than
anything else.
FREEMAN, the religious fanatic, who will
once more. When person wants to COM
nit murder nova, days, he gives a whoOp
of hosanna, dives into his victim, is ad-
Judged insane, placed in an asylum, and he
suddenly becomes sane and goes on
through life as a shepherd in his flock.
The days OF progression are here, mark
you.
TIE harmless and gentle Celestial OF New
York is now amusing himself in the trivial
matter of wholesale ruination OF young
girls. Wonder what some OF these weak
minded humantarians think of this? But
gentle John will he allowed to remain and
continue his nefarious traffic just so long
as the sympathetic gang rule the common
sense crowd. He don't seem "tO go worth
a cent.
The vast standing army OF this great ma.
ton who have been sent out to extermi-
nate the Apaches, report progress II
the Government would send respectable
number Of men to General Crook and leave
him run the machine, he might succeed in
saving lives and property. But three or
four American soldiers can't fight Indians
and await directions from Washington be-
fore they fire each shot.
JEENs says his bordiag house is too slow.
lie told the old lady yesterday that here
after he'd like to dynamite earlier.-Hart'
ford Journal.
a am going to turn over new leaf, as
the caterpillar remarked when he hal sur-
cessfully ruined the one he was on.-Balti
more Every Saturday.
THERE is talk that Sarah Bernhardt in
tends leaving her husband, If she should
do so life will indeed be for him a Sahara
desert.--San Francisco Pest
THE Jacks humped," said the card.
player as the train jOlted uncomfOrtably.
And the tracks jumped said his part
ner as the train rolled into the ditch
Pittsburgh Telegraph.
During the winter We feel that we can
hold our own pretty well as All average liar,
but now that the circus bill is beginning to
adorn the wall We feel our utter iusigniii.
canoe. Evansville Argus.
Mas. SrRAGGINGS was Boosting OF her new
house. The windows, she said, were
stained. That's too bad but won't ben.
zine or turpentiue wash it off: asked the
good Mrs. Oldbey. -Bwim9to" Ha"kyc.
THERE is some talk of raising the stand.
ard of American colleges so that graduates
can pass civil service reform examination
for positions as janitor without taking a
three-years extra course. -Phlladelphia
Evening News.
"HANE you anything extraordinary on
your person by which you could be iden.
lifed?' asked an Austin doctor who was
examining Bill Colbert for life insurance
policy. Colbert thought for awhile before
tie answered. At last he replied that he
had the required peculiarly. What mark
is IT, Fearful cramps when eat green
corn Teas SGtnyS.
"Boss, does yer wanter buy ham" ask
ca 8 negro of a white man. What is it
worth" wall, as its yersef, yer may
lake it fur fifty cents: That won't do.
You can afford TO sell it Tor less, for be-
liere you stole it. anyhow" BOSS. doan
Cuse me so rash. Have a little mussy
bout your pusson. But, tell yer, boss.
if yer won't say nothin' bout it. I'll let yer
hab il fur forty cents" The white man
sgreed and paid over the amount. The
negro just as he crossed the street, was &C.
costed by an acquaintance, who said:
What did yer let dat man hab dat ham So
cheap fur? "Oh, / could ford il, case I
stole it outsn his own smoke house.
Arkansaw Traveller.