The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-05-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

If you think a new broom sweeps clean
Justtry 1t on your dress-suit once. Puck.
Strangely enough the young man with
crooked legs always wants to wear tight
p nts.-fN. o. Picayune.
Lawyers are about the only class of men
who successfully oppose "woman's will"
/ pringfeld (O) News.
The color that comes and goes on the
cheek cannot be Counterfeted. That which
comes and goes on a saucer is Different
IN o. Picayune.
A Portland (Oregon) Chinese pedder re-
fused an English shilling offered as two
bit piece, saying, mo good. Me heap sabe.
n chicken on him
Doctors are generous men. Who ever
heard of a doctor rushing out to to chase
away boys who were taking fruit from his
trees?-[ Somerville Journal.
The star-route Jurors are already looking
around for positions as professors OF gov
ernmental science. No enterprising college
should pc without ONE Boston Transcript.
Proud Mr.. Blobbs-"it my boy amt 90
in to be president, signs DOM count. Why,
that boy II run away from school every day
to go. a'tishing' - Louisville Courier
Journal.
The mill-owner who turned the fire hose
upon some of his disorderly employees ex-
planned his conduct by saying he was only
washing his hands, Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
Distinguished amateur-'l -a-rub out a
great deal. Most Of my effects are got by
that" Old Snare-"Ah, capital process
Only you don't carry it quite far enough y
-[London Punch.
Custom house official (holdng up two
black bottles)-"I thought you said You
had wearing apparel only in this trunk.
What are these2" Lady-"So did. Those
are my husbands night-caps. "-[Life.
An old lady was asked her opinion about
Mrs. Smith, her next-door neighbor.
"Well" she said, 81 am not the one to
speak of anybody, but | feel very sorry for
Mr.. Smith.-[Rochester Post-E1press.
Eyes" said the fond mother, 81 have
such dread OF the ocean that | can't bear
to think of my sons going to sea, ard to
prevent it shall enter him at the Naval
academy at Annapolis Cincinnati Satur-
day Night.
"Yes," said the former member of the
legislature, "Mr Jones is very smart man.
| think, perhaps, he is as smart man as
there is in the state to-day. Do you re-
member how got the best of him in the
| uuusc III lcoi.- liUNtIl Sltlhtu
The veracious Tribune says an emotional
play made the soft-hearted Denverites sit
around and cry so copiously that the bat
keepers on the ground floor had to raise
their umbrellas and wait on their Gus, ON
ers in gum coats and rubber boots.
"Out of the mouths of babes" Edith
Have you written all the invitations to
my party, mammal" Mamma-'Yes. Ed.
it'll" Eiith-"But the best part will be
when the receptions and receptions begin
to come In, won't it mammaY"-T Harvard
| Lampo0n.
| An Arkansaw paper says there are two
chief reas ms why farmers are poor. This
statement is true, and the two chief reasons
are First, that the farmers are not in a
very good financial condition, and second
they haven't any money. Arkansaw Tray.
eller.
Upanswerable. -Priest-"Pat, under,
stand you are going to be married again.
Disconsolate widower-"Yis, your riv'-
renee" Priest-"But your wife, Pat, ha,
only been dead two weeks" ID. W.-"Yis,
your riv renee but shure amt she as dead
now as she liver will be- Harvard Lam
pooh.
A New York man who sued railroad
| for killing his COW has lost his case. The
railroad company proved by seventeen wit.
nesses that the schedule OF the road was
pasted ON fence right where the COW could
see it, and besides, that the engineer
winked four times at ii, but the reckless
animal would not take the hint.-[Pitts-
burg Telegraph.
The addresse, Of certain young man
having been declined by young lady, he
paid court to her sister. "Ilow much you
resemble your sister," said he, on the eve
ming Of his first call. You have got the
same hair, and the same forehead, and the
same eyes" And the same noes" she
added quickly. lie has stopped calling at
that house -[Cincinnati Saturday Night.
The Somerville Tenn Falcon brings the
story OF one Of the daughters of the
dusky race, who has just made her first Wis
it to the Episcopal church in that place.
On reaching homo she said Look here,
mis,us; never seed such dom as that at
church afore. The people they be's pray.
in and the preacher he holer at UNI t.
ee up, and den he gets mad and turns his
back on 'em, and don't have muffin to do
| With IAN,