Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-12-12
Wednesday Whafnots.

young man recently bought a copy OF
"Grandfather's Clock" at a music store. ant
was at the same time supplied with bullet
proof undershirt. The clerk explained that
such articles always went with certain songs, by
order OF the board of heath.-The judge.
Astronomer new comet can now be
seen with the naked eye" Uncle Sam-"Wha1
new cOmet?" AstrOnOmer-"The comet OF
1872" Uncle Sam-"Goodness gracousi yur
don't say so! Even the comets coming back
for pensions. -PhiIacl0lphtd Cal.
The girl with big hat seems to be all head
until You to talk to her.-RushuiIe Times
The COngrrgationdhst translates Matthew
Arnold's phrase, sweetness and light" into
''mOlasses and mOonshine."
A young man writes to consult US about the
best pattern OF health lift. We would sugges,
helping his mother little with the coal hod.-
Burlington Free Press.
To say that procession was three hours in
passing given point doesn't, according to the
Chicago Times, necessarily show that it was a
long procession, since the given point might
have been beer saloon.
Mrs. French heard terrible pounding on the
stOvepipe the other day and called to her hus-
band to know what was the matter. ''l'm only
getting out my fall SCOT, he replied gravely.-
Boston Times.
The Mormon question: dearest will you Join
my aggregation" -Boston transcript.
Lost a chiSnon: I" 'Hack?' 'hack?' hack.
madam:'-why. was Almost hacked to pieces
by the saVages!" exclaimed Aunt Tabetha on
emerging from crowd of hacK-drivers a. the
depot.-Neec York Commercial AdoertiSsr.
Old bills: Two hundred and twenty
bills were introduced into Congress the first
days session. Just think of it!' remarked
Mrs. Simple: isn't it ridiculous? These Con-
gressmen get salariesbig enough. should think.
to.pay as they 90. Two hundred and twenty
seven bills! For things they got last year. of
course. For my part, think it's positively
scandalOus. '-B0st0n Transcript.
Dumbfounded "Now," said the irate mother
to her family of one boy and tour girls. who had
been misbehaving themselves, Il am going to
whip you all, y and she seized on Jimmie to re-
ceive the first instalment of the chastisement
Mother" said Jimmie, ''ladies first, always
The old lady was so struck with this application
of her own instruction that she did not strike
any OF the children, but let them off that time
oil city Derrick.
Sign in the shop window-"Boy wanted"
Young wife to her husband: my dear, isn't
that too bad; suppose they have all girls
''But Sylvia" said Hattie, ''it you climb that
fence, Mr.. Taw1nus. who is over there, will see
your stockings" And Sylvia replied: "IthOuoht
of that. "-BnstOn Post.
President Arthur need not expect the vote of
Seth Green or any angler in this country That
trout wasn't mentioned.-C Chicago NearS.
When your friend is married, put your good
wishes into shape OF an old English saying:
Zone year of joy, another of comfort, and all the
rest of content. Utica Press.
ga brave man carves out his own fortune"
says some philosopher. He does, and no mis-
take. But let that same brave man ATTEMPT to
carve turkey, and he'll get left. unless he has
learned the trade througha seven years appren-
ticeshp.-LO,ceN Citizen.
Gam tired flife?, said cheerful old man
the other day, in reply to the question. "Not a
bit of remember landing In this town with
achiphat and hickory shirt and pair of breeches
I've been way up. and I've been fat onmy back
yet I'd like to begin and 60 it all over again
chip hat, shirt, breeches and all. Why? Well,
you see, when you come to the end you don't
know what's beyond. I'm dead sure OF this
thing; and. on the whole this world just tickles
me to death!"-ROcheSter Advertiser.
Mary Anderson is studying poses In the British
museum. One might think this meant that she
had taken to botany, but it isn't so.-Lo,oeu
Courier,
"Have you soul for poetry" asked wild
eyed man as he entered the editors office and
threw down a roll of manuscript. "Well. don't
know about that" replied the editor CHANGING
at the bottom of his literally proportioned boot;
but have sole for poets" The poet didn't
stay.
A Michigan girl told her young man that she
would never marry him until he was worth
$4,000. So he started out with brave heart
" 'hohO ~ Ao" diC JOu SCttluss NcOiSe,
she asked at the expiration Of couple of months
"Wel," George said hopefully, 81 have SAVED
S22." The girl dropped her eyelashes and blush
ingly remarked: 81 reckon that's near enough,
George"
How to save: "My DEAR" said husband, lay
wife, 81 see that Mr.. Harnethorn is dead. y
''That's unfortunate, indeed" the sympathetic
woman replied. "Ded SO soon after buying a
new buggy. But we never know whats in
store for us. If he had known that his end was
SO near he would not have bought the buggy,
perhaps, and would have saved several hundre d
dollars. "-ArkdHsdac Traveller.
ssYou Will rob YOURSELF" cried gay young girl,
Who was enc Oh a party OF three,
Among whom youth, with n any a tWirl,
Was dividing an orange with glee.
"NOt at ALL" the generous youth replied,
AS he fumbled with his lOcket,
"FOr love to give; and then, beside,
"Iye dozen mere in my pocket
-Nelc York NoraiDn EalIiloL