The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-03-30
40. DEER LODGE MONTANA, MARCH 80 1883
WHY WE LAUGH.

WHY WE LAUGH.
The rule Of Three: For the third person
to clear out.-Puck.
Cards are the DEVILS books. BY all means
then, let US cut them.
Carbolic acid Is good for scarlet fever, but
give US the scarlet fever every time.-Puck.
The Russians believe that poison was used
to make Gortshakoff this mortal coils. r.
Exchange.
The Fat Contributor" is the man who
gains favor with the printes.-Nep Orleans
Picayune.
A missionary says he only saw one poem
illustrated IN Fiji, and that was "Nothing to
Wear."-Judge.
The young man who went to butchers
shop for liver pad was . brother to the
fellow who went to . grain elevator to have
his corns removed. -z-' -r 49,. -~' r
The demand for napkin rings made Of
wood grown at Walter Scott's home, Abbotts-
ford, Is proving great drain upon the for
ests Of Maine.-Boston Post.
An inquisitive young lady asks: "What
Is the most popular color for the bride ?"
The New York Star answers: "If We were
going 10 marry, we should prefer white
one."
"Oh, mammal" exclaimed bright little
boy yesterday, ''there goes an editor "Hush,
my child" said the kind hearted lady,
"hush, the poor unfortunate man may hear
you"
Ch;caoo rsnortor u,ho ma. da..;iad 30
hunt up the matter has discovered that pork
will not be cheaper until the agricultural
bureau invents Q hog with six legs, 80 that
each p0rker will make six hams.-Phiiadet-
phia Chronicle.
They are building tenement houses 50 high
in New York that the man who occupies
the top floor Is obliged to start for home
about 0 O'Clock In the evening In order to
reach bis bed an hour after midnight
Norristorn Herald.
An English bishop querulously remarked
to his servant that he was dying. "Well, my
lord" said the good fellow, "you are going
to better place." "Juhn," replied the pre-
late, with an air Of conviction, there Is no
place like old England"
The Birmingham O,oi declares that after
the service at Bingley hall the other evening
. man was seen on his knees beside one Of
the seats. To him went one of the "lights"
-"Friend are you seeking salvation ?" "Sal.
vation be blowed, Pm looking for my hat"
awake me up, darling, tonight and give
me toddy," said an Austin inebriate to his
wife, as they were about TO retire for the
night. "But how will know when you
want one ?" "You can't make mistake. l
txxyax hirsty han II
Teras Siftings.
TIE King of the Sandwich Islands locks
himself In when he gets drunk. II would
be we'll If some Americans were TO initiate
his example instead Of going out on the
highways and byways and offering to lick
eli creation and occupying both sides of the
street at one time.-Norristo,cn Herald.
Several extra Numbers ofthe Congression-
al Record had to be printed to accommodate
the undelivered speeches. General Bragg, Of
Wisconsin, perpetrsted one of 104 pages with
several maps on the Fitz John P.,rter case,
enough TO make an octave Of 500 pages,
probably. Columbus Upson, of Ohio, ad-
dressed few remarks to the tariff question,
covering 1l0 pages Of the Record.
The children In one of the Chicago schools
were recently asked to write sentence en-
bodying the word capillary. Que girl wrote:
81 sailed across the ocean in Q capillary"
and when asked what she meant, triumph
antly pointed out the word in Webster's die
tionary-"Capillary, q fine vessel" Upon
investigation 1t was found that many of her
fellow pupils had made the same blunder.
Dumpsey went hunting the other day and
took Johnny with him. They saw \ rabbit
and Dumpsey drew up and shot. The cap
exploded and there was long splutter, and
finally, just as Dumpsey took the gun down
the charge went of. When they got home
the folks asked Johnny what luck they had.
"Oh," said Johnny, "papa saw rabbit, but
his gun stammered so he couldn't hit it,
burlington Free Press
old, living IN Unity, N. H., without using
an old musket that once belonged to SOL
dier in the Revolutionary war. This does
seem . little out o. the ordinary run, but
II Is probable that the squirrels were look.
ing down the barrel Of the musket at the
time to see whether II was loaded.-Brook-
tyn Eagle.
The Autophone Company conduct Oh Of
their correspondence by means Of . type.
writer. The company had occasion to send
four or five letters to m agent way out in
Wisconsin, aud they were amused few
days ago to receive one from him closing
with these words: "You needn't print any
more letters you send me, for want you
to understand that I can read writing
Ithaca journal.
In single season an oyster can lay several
million eggs, fish double that nun Der II It
10 In any health at all, and even ths ordinary
house fly, 1t Is said, can acquit itself Of 10000
without any great mental strain. But hen,
whose eggs are good for something, gets
black IN the face trying to lay seven .
week aud then goes all over the neighbor.
hood telling about II. Nature has made .
failure Of the egg business. Post.
Express.