Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-05-21

There is fig tree in Ceylon more than
2,165 years old. 1t is believed to be an
offshoot of the tree from which Mother
Eve wove her delightfully."- fair costume.
'Here, now,' said mother to her little
boy, stake this good medicine. It's
sweet as sugar" mamma, love little
brother" the boy replied; ''give it to
him.
4. ''Don't you think" said husband,
mildly rebuking his wife, ''that women
are possessed by the devil?" eyes," was
the quick reply, "as soon as they are
married"
Landlord-"Were so crowded, 1 am
sorry to say, that you two gentlemen will
have to sleep in the same bed with anoth-
er guest" Travelers-'Oh no; we can't
do that; we're Changers, and don't want
any middle man."
"Crusbed strawberry" is the latest color
in hats for gentlemen. 1t is kind Of
kind of-well, it's the same color as the
nose of the man to whom the police judge
always says: "What! up again on the
same old charger"
A man found rough-looking individual
in his cellar. ''Who are you?" he de-
manded. ''The gasman come to take the
statement of the meter" was the reply.
"Great heavens - cried the householder,
~ hoped you were only burglar"
They were discussing an elopement,
and one lady, turning to her friend, said
Don't you believe it would kill you if
your husband was to run away with
| another woman?" ''It might" was the
reply. ''Great joy sometimes kills."
| A lecturer, discoursing on the subject
of s'Health," inquired: ''What use can a
| man make of his time while waiting for a
| doctor?" Before he could begin his an
swer to his own inquiry some one in the
audience cried out: 'He can make his
will"
at is standing rule in my church,
said one clergyman to another, ''for the
sexton to wake up any man that he sees
asleep" 'I think" replied the other
"that it would be better for the sexton
whenever man goes to sleep under your
preaching, to wake you up"
At a fashionable wedding in New York,
the other day, the ceremony was perform.
ed under floral umbrella This was
probably a little suggestion of the brides
mother, who wanted the groom to under
stand by the emblem that he ought to put
up something for rainy day.
The Richford Gazette is responsible fol-
the following: An Enosburgh man wrote
to his grocer: "Please send me by berrel
two pounds of shugor, blackin brush
five pouns of cofey, and some little nails
My wife had baby last night-also two
padlOks and monkey -rench.'
'I haven't seen you at prayer-meetins
this summer" he once remarked to one O
his flock. ''No, dominic" was the reply
sit has been too hot for me to attend.
''Too hot?" replied the dominic, his eye.
all a-twinKle. ''Where will you find
colder place than one of our prayer
meetings?''
A candidate for Congress met Uncl
Nose in Louisville, and said to him: ''B,
sure and come to the ward meeting to
night, and bring your neighbors will
you" ''You kin jess bet dey will COM
along wild me, or l stay at home myself
Oar wouldn't be chichen lef in my coo]
if / was to go to der ward meetin' an,
luff dem nabors at home"
laughable incident occurred in one O
the express offices in Newark on Monday
A young lady had just handed in smal
box that she desired to have expressed t
the west and while the clerk was writin
the receipt she pulled from her pocke
what she believed to be her handkerchief
A curious expression on the clerks fac
told her that something was awry, an
glancing down she discovered that he
supposed handkerchief was pair of co
ored stockings. The express office wa
! cleared of the presence of the young lad
instanter.
LIVER KIDNEY AND BRIeHT's DIsEAsE.-A met
. cine that destroys the germ cause Of Brights d
v ease diabetes kidney and liver complaints and h