The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-03-08


said that the old man had worn it on his back
Tor two weeks, and il never drew blister IL
just lnafed around ON his back, and was no
more account than 50 much sand-paper. tried
To tell her that porous plaster was not intend
ed 10 blister, but simply to retain the back in
ats proper place, and let the pain crawl ont
through the holes. She kicked and said | was
a w"rs" irand than the other plaster-Peck's
NHH.
SPECrAcIEs OVER THE MoUTH-An elderly
gentleman, accustomed 10 indulge" entered
The room of a certain inn, where sat a grave
friend by the Ere Lifting pair Of green spec
tacles npon his forehead rubbing his inflam.d
eyes, and calling for hot brandy and water he
complained Ia the Friend that ''his eyes were
getting weaker and weaker, and the spectacles
Gid not seem 10 do him any good-
:. I'll tell thee, friend" replied the Quaker
what think. If thee was to wear thy spec
tacles over thy mouth for a few months thy
eyes would soon get well again.
LEFT HER CARD-Wit that is too personal.
often returns 10 plague the inventor A queer
old lady named Ann Mann. used to live in Prov
idence. Her housekeeping was a little eccen-
the and caller who came one day when the
mistress was out, scrawled in large letters in
the dust upon the top of table the uncomfort-
able word, ..slut."
few days later. she met Ann ON the street.
and said:
II called, the other day. but YOU were on. -
Yes" replied Ann, Il know You were there.
for | saw You left Your card"
AT the Club Il say, Gus. old boy, haven't
seen you abort very lately. What have Won
been up to 2"
Me 2 oh, I've been preparing INV Person
al RecOllections of Lon.fellow' for publication
why. didn't know that won endowed his
personal acquaintance"
II didn't. | never knew him But Iav.
friend at Cambridge ho s.nt me the po-
cts photograph.
oh: predict your book will bc a pronounc-
etl ~ucrcss."-Neir HarcH Rogisirr
REV. Mr. Fulton, of fremont Temple. ciarr-
Theodore Tilton with wine drinking. He
gives the following conversation in belmont
cos:
What, are you drinking wine, Theodore =,
Yes. drink it for the sake Of my brains"
Then. for the sake of yuur reputation stop
The Almighty get on without vour brains.
but lie ought not {" liz compelled to get on
without decent Christian character behind
N"Gr reputation"
liz had very rubicund face. suggestive of
diSSipated life. As lac WAS walking mn the
street, gentleman remarked: THAT fellow is
:" highly r"l"red thar he reminds rnr Of chrn-
mo.
lie reminds me- more Of an engraving than a
chrnmo." remarked hy>tander.
How Sn.'
Well ynu S1r an Engraving always b,. a
glass ~ front OF it. and - chrnm" hasn'i.~-Siff-
iRgs.
CERTAIN old lady who had been famed for
sour Looks and not very sweet words touching
the very accidents of life, observed tn have
suddenly become very amiable
What a happy change has come over you :"
said a urshhoT.
WHY said the transformed. Ito tell Won
the truth, have been all my life striving for a
"snichtrd mind. and I've finally made up INV
mind {" si' down e"ntented without it
An Austin lady, who had cOmpauy 70 tea IT,
proved her little son several times speaking
however, very gently. At last out of patience
with HIM, she said. sharply: Jimmy, if You
don't keep still. III send y"u away fran the ia
BILE
Yes, that's what yon always do when there
is company, and there not enough canned
peaches TO =" around" the reply of the
gifted youth.
CoMPoUNDING A FELONN-A farmer in Ciuc,p
natl caught fellow abstrarting chickens and
hntfrr frum his wagon, whom he reminded that
lie had not paid for them. With the greatest
GOODNESS he replied Il believe ] did forget ta
pay for them Are you the owner of that WAC
on. and will that satisfy you ?" handing ont a
three dollar hill. The farmer concluded TO take
The money. lie did So, and found too late that
u was counterfeit of the Bank of Louisville
WHEN ynGng man at Harlem boar,liuq-
house found the girl he adored was flirting with
ah"thtI Wah ne uiih Try To make either he
lieve the other false. lie hired the waiter 10
bawl ont in the kitchen. loud enough 10 he
heard in the dIning-room. Second Mate a. on
ions, and a fresh plate O pork and beans for
Miss Blank. And the other fellow of course
heard 1t, and dropped her.
SOME signs may always he relied upon Whom
a lady makes young man present Of a hand
kerchief, and he immediately proceeds to lock
II up IN drawer, notwithstanding that he has
\ cold IN the head, and his washing hasn't been
brought home, j; is usually safe 10 presume tbs,
he is in love
A RECENT event makes the following s,r,n ,
good one village politician noticing an adj
Nertisement of the Andes Insurance CSnnany
remarked that he knew ANDY woulJ aIw,y,
ne AT the head "t something. Gou can't keen
IHE following gem of descriptive writip,
was penned 10y an Illionis reporter, IN his les,
crption OF recent wedding He SAYS. .sTbo
mayor galooted up the church aisle swasIav;n,, |
and gyrating like a Chinese Joss with The i'm, /
jams Jun
WESTERN writer thinks that if th., nr,,,,.,
way OF spelling tho is though, and ate eight. |
anu Dos beauN, the proper way of spelling pota ]
Toes Is ponghteighteaux. The new Spellinr ia, 4
sottiy is phsOuShtleigh. '
CHElsLoPHER NORTH says, it is no wonder