Connecticut western news., 1883-10-03
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SNfiI. .E
 OVER THIS WEEK.
The Old Hat-An Engineers LOve-BilI Arp on Sounds COmbustiOn-A Singular Dcbauch,
A VISIT FROM SOUNDS.

A VISIT FROM SOUNDS. It was after midnight. About the time when deep sleep fa1leth upon man, but not upon a woman, for Mrs. Arp's ears are always awake, it seems to me. felt gentle dig in my side from an elbow and a whispered voice said: evil liam, William, don't you hear that?" "What is that ?" said I. "Somebody is in the front piazza, said she. "Don't you hear him rocking ill the rocking chair?" And sure enough I did. The chair would rock awhile and then stop and then rock again. "Is the gun loaded ?" said she. "They are robbers, but don't shoot, don't make noise; can't you peep out of the window. Mercy on us, what do they want to rob us for? Maybe they come to steal one of the children? Slip in the little room and see if Carl is in his bed. Don't stumble over chair, maybe somebody is under the bed." The rocker took @ start again and had another dig in my side. "It is the wind" said I. "No, it is not" said she. "There is no wind; the window is up and the curtain don't move. They are robbers, I tell you. Hadn't you better give them some money and tell them to go?" "I haven't got any money" said I. "It's all gone. !" ''Lord have mercy upon us, said shc. William, get your gun and be ready. "
 gently slipped out of bed and tip toed to the window and cautiously peeped out and there was the pointer puppy sitting straight up in my wife's rocking chair and ever and anon he would lean forward and backward and put it in motion. whispered to Mrs. Arp to come and see the four-legged robber, which she did, and in due time all was calm and serene.
 Last night there was another sensa- ton in the back piazza, and it was sure enough feet this time, for they made a racket on the floor and moved around lively, and the elbow digs in my side came thick and fast. It took me a minute to get fairly awake, and after language, "Goats, Carl's goats," and I gathered broom and mauled 'em down the back steps. 'I told you, my dear," said I, ''that those goats would give us trouble; but I can stand it if you can. ."-BaU Arp.
 | ENGINEERS MAKING LOVE.
 Nearly every engineer on the New York and New England Railroad has { sweetheart or wife in New Britain, Conn Every train would whistle a salute tt some fair dame, and the din grew SC fearfully ar-splitting that the authorities have had it stopped.
 It's noon when Thirty-five is due,
 An she comes on time like flash of light, An you hear her whistle, "Too-tee-too ]"
 Long fore the pilot swings in sight Bill Maddon's drivin' her in to-day
 An he's callin' his sweetheart, far away l Gertrude Hurd-lives down by the mill;
 You might see her blrshin; she knew it, l Bill.
 | "Tu-die Toot-ee! Tu-die Tur' l Six-fve a. m there's local comes
 Makes up at Bristol, runnin' east;
 An the way her whistle sings an huns
 Is a Twin caution to man an beast.
 Everyone knows who Jack White calls
 Little Lou Woodbury down by the falls;
 Summer or winter, always the same,
 See hears her lover callin her name 'Lou-ie Louie Lou-iee p
 At six fifty-eight you can hear Twenty-one
 Go thunderin west, an of all the screams That ever startled the risin' sun,
 Jehu Davis sends into your dreams.
 But don't mind it; it makes me grin 1 For Just down here where the creek let's in
 His wife, Jerusha, can hear him call, . Loud as a throat of brass can bawl-
 'Jeee-roo-shee Je-hoo!'
 But at one Fifty-one old Sixty-four-
 Boston express runs east, clear through Drowns her rattle and rumble and roar
 With the softest whistle that ever blew.
 An away on the furthest edge of the town
 Sweet Sue Winthorps eyes of brown, Shine like the starlight, bright an clear
 When she hears the whistle of Abel Gear,
 ''You-ou-ou, Su-u-u-u-e" !" Along at midnight freight comes in,
 Leaves Berlin some time-I don't kno But it rumbles along with fearful din,
 Till it reaches the Y-switch there and then. The dearest notes of the softest bell , That out of brazen goblet fell, Wake Nellie Minton out of her dreams
 To her like wedding bell it seems ''Nell, Nell, Nell Nell, Nell, Nell p An somewhere late in the afternoon,
 You'll see Thirty y-seven go streakin' west; It's local, from Hartford; same old tune New set for the girl that loves him best.
 Tom Wilson rides on the right hand side, ! Givin' her steam at every stride
 An he touches the whistle low an clear, For Lulu Gray, on the hill, to hear ] "Lu-lu Loo-loo!'
 ! So it goes on all day an all night
 Till the old folks have voted the thing & bor Old maids and bachelors say it ain't right ' For folks to do courtn' with such 8 roar, f. But the engineers their kisses will blow
 From whistle valve to the girls they kno,
 An the stokers the name of their swee u hearts tell,
 n With the Belle Nell Dell of the swayil @ bell ROBERT J. BURDETTE. LIFELONG DEBAUCH,
 "No, I'm obliged to you, I don . drink, replied Judge Gibbons, of Lal caster, Pa., in the barron of the Giral House. "I am ty-three years old ar have never used tobacco in any forn never have tasted malt or spirituo, liquors, never have been at horse ra,