The Osceola times., 1883-10-06
ON THE HALF SHELL.
Carl Dunder's Adventure In search OF some
Life Insurance.
Detroit Free Press

Life Insurance.
Detroit Free Press.
any wife all der time says 20 me- Carl
Dunder, if you was TO be kilt by a
butcher cart or ice wagon, or # some
steamboat plowed you oop on der river,
| was left nit no money. Why doan't
you be insured nit your life?'
"Vhell, | links about dot good deal.
II vas my duty dot my wife and Katie
doan' 20 nit der poor house if can
help it, and l thinks it vas best to get
some insurance. | shpeak to mine
friendt, Shon Places, about it, und Shon
he says:
"'Of course you vhant insurance. You
shall GENE into my lodge OF the United
Order of Half-Shells. Dot vhas an order
which only costs you one dollar year
und if you die your family puts on
shtyle NIT der ten thousand dollars in
greenpacks. / calls meeting right avay
NIT your saloon, und we put YOU through
like some streak of creased lightning
"Nbell, | goes home and tells der old
vhomans, und she says dot vas X. O.
She doan' like to see me die, but if some
shnall pox yellow fever comes TO Detroi.
und takes me avhay, she likes to have a
long funeral procession und build me n
grave stone, which reads dot Carl Dunder
vhas good husband, kind fadder, und
dot he has gone to heaven only leedle
While before he vhas ready. spheak to
my daughter, Katie, und she shed some
tears und tells me dot she looks as cute
as an angle in some mourning close for
me. So it yhas all right, und sweep
out my saloon, und about twenty men
come in dot evenings to make me a Half
shell.
"Oxcuse me if | was mad, und use
some words like a pirate. My friendt,
Shon Places, vas dere, init red cap on
his head, und a voice so solemn dot |
feels shills go up my pack. He calls der
meeting TO order, und he says like to
shoin and become Half-shell.
"Does he like beer?" asked some man
in der CORNER.
"'IIe does said Shon Places.
"'Und SO do wew yells all der meet
ing, und Shon says | vhas to come down
NIT ter peer. Dot was nineteen glasses.
'Den Shon Places he reads from a pook
nit plue cover, dot man vhas diving
cherry day so fast dot you can't count
'em, or Something's like dot, and he calls
oudt:"
"Vhat shall save dis man?''
"Und eferybody yells lager peer" Dot
means | set him cop again, und dot vhas
nineteen glasses more!. Den two men
take me und vhalk me all aroundt, und
Shon Places he cries out :"
1--WE vhas here to-day und gone to-
morrow In der midnight, When efery-
body vhas ashleep, tief comes und
shteals our life away What keeps dot
tief afar Off"
"Und cferybody groans out like he
vhas dying Cool lagerr Dot means
set 'em oop again, und dot vhas nineteen
leads me twice aroundt und says
Carl Dunder, you thinks you vhas
made Half-shell already, but you vhas
mistaken. Put out your left hand Dot
vhas goot. Now, my frendt, what vhas
der foundaion-stone Of liberty, equality
and brotection?"
"Ilnd eferybody lifts oop his voice,
und groans oudt All the lager a man
vhantsv Dot means vhas to tap fresh
keg und | pelieve dot crowd drinks
more as forty glasses. 1 don't like it SO
previous like. didt, but my friendt
Shon Places tells ne to lie down on der
table on my pack, and shut my eyes.
When | vhas in position he hit me dree
times NIT his fist in der stomach. und
CRIES oudt:"
"Vhen he vhas alife he vhas kind nit
der boor; when he vhas deadt we forget
his faults Brudders, what vhas der
great principle dot leads to charity und
penevolence?"
''Und eierypody shumps to his feet,
und yells oudt: Some more lager und
cigarsN Nhell, set 'em oop once more,
und den | vhas so mad dot take my
Club und clean dot crowd oudt nit der
street. | pellet dot he vhas fraud on
me. pellet dot Shon Places tells all
der poys. und it vbas put up shob.
lose my peer and cigars, und somepody
carries off more ash ten bottles of visky
from my par, uDd vhas no more Half
shell as you are. If dot vhas some vhay
to insure me so dot my vhife und Katie
haf some mourning goods und puy me a
grave-stone nit lamb on top, go oudt
of pollytics right avhay. 0xcuse nc dot
shed some tears, und kick oafer der
shain and tables, for vhas madt like
some cats on gloze.line."