Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-02-07

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toiler Of the sea, and the other a
soiler of the tea.-Ex.
If the man who writes anonymous
letters has never stolen sheep, it is
probably the fault of the sheep
Bridgeport Standard.
A sailor remarks that since he was
married his wife has doubled. He
took her for half tar, but now finds
her tartar.-The Judge.
Who was it that said the bad con-
dition of western railway was owing
to the fact that the whistling of the
locomotive "wakens the sleepers ?"-
Ex.
A Yankee editor wishes to know
whether the law recently enacted
against the carrying of deadly wea-
pons applies to doctors who carry pills
in their pockets.
And now it is learned that army
officers are overworked and discour-
aged. Each officer has to boss an
average of eight men, and it is
killing task.-Free Press.
A Nebraska Justice Of the Peace
fined his own son SIS for contempt of
court, but the boy not being able to
pay it and the father having only six
ty-fve cents about him, the fine was
RENTED and the paternal boot sub
stituted.-Frec Press.
The movement in the east to abol-
ish the vest has petered out. When
man takes off his coat at n Sunday
school picnic to ladle out the ice
cream, he wants something between
the public and his suspenders.- De
troit Free Press.
A western preacher, whose congre-
CATION had begun to fall off some
what, had it intimated that he would
discuss a family scandal tire follow
ing Sunday. AS consequence the
church was crowded. The ministers
subject was Adam and Eve.-Ex.
A New York dealer in prayer
rugs" says nearly all his customers
thus far have been editors, and he
doesn't think he has sold one to an
alderman in four months. 1t is just
like New York editor to get some
thing to do his praying for him.
Norristown Herald.
"Do you know what church your
next door neighbor attends? ?" inquir-
ed friend of an uptown man. "No,
/ do not; but Pm sure he's Chris
tian." "What reason have you for
thinking sol'' Because he sprinkles
ashes on his sidewalk when it's slip
pery."-New York Commercial Ad-
vertiser.
"Why did you speak to that police
man? Are you acquainted with
him ?" asked Milligan's wife as she
and her husband were walking home
from the theatre the other night.
"Oh, no! / don't know the man."
replied Milligan 'it was simply my
duty as citizen to see if he was
awake. Lowell Citizen.
When some one was standing by
the Natural Bridge in Virginia ex-
pressed doubt about George Wash
ington's reported feat of throwing a
silver dollar completely over it, Secre-
tary Evarts, who was present, gravely
rebuked him, saying: "You forget
how much further a dollar went in
those days. IN. II. Register.
They were discussing Thackeray's
English Humorists." "Who was it
Miss Cutting, that said: True wit
never produces a smile ?" 81 really
can't tell you, Mr.. Quotation, but il
seems to me he must have heard q
good many Of your college men tell
ing jokes, or he'd never have taker
such dismal view of life. ."-Har
ward Lampoon.
"Gen'lem, | don't believe in cross
in de breed oh our hogs. De ole
fashioned hog is plenty good. | owes
de saddest time oh my life to fin,
hog. | was passin' pen once an
seed fine hog. Ef he hadn't beer
. a fine hog | wouldn't paid no 'tentioI
to him. Wall, / was rested on ac
count oh dat fine hog an sent ter d
pcnitentiary fur year. Don't brin,
J no fine breed OBJ hogs into dis neigh