The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1883-05-16
WIT OF THE WEEK.

A young lover in Iowa paid $40 for a
locomotive to run him thirty-five miles
to see his girl, and when he got there the
family bulldog ran him two miles and
didn't charge him cent. Corporations
have no souls.
A Chicago woman says that she has
walked the streets of that city time and
again at two o'clock in the morning
without being addressed. She doubtless
wore shawl which indicated that sho
was cunning for husband.
The average young man in New York
might as well emigrate. Judge Arnoux
has decided that ice cream saloons may
be kept open on Sunday. Evidently the
Judge wants to discourage gallantry in
the metropolis.
Two friends meet Sunday morning as
one comes out Of drug store. "Hello,
Charlie; out for your mothers dram?"
"Well, no; not exactly. But 1 have no
scruples about telling you that am out
Of my morning ounce"
A lady friend won't allow the sales
woman to try on her gloves for her, not
because it is hard work for the sales
woman, but because our lady friend
will have nothing to do with counter
fits.
"No, won't take your combings and
have them made into bangs, either"
growled Mr.. Oldhusband to his wife, this
morning. "Why, sir?" Because I'd be
arrested for tress-passing."
Professor Swift offers $500 to the dis
coverer of each comet during the present
year. We may be able to avail ourself of
this point some night when excuses for
being out late run dry.
A weekly paper is to be started in San
Francisco conducted exclusively by wo-
men. 1t will be called the Echo, probably
because an echo, like woman, is bound
to have the last word.
A Piute princess has just married her
twenty-fifth husband. A few enterpris-
ing Piute princess would soon cxter-
inmate the male portion of the tribe,
and save our government considerable
money.
20, by the way, Tom," said an Austin
lady to her husband just after breakfast,
'be sure and bring home that new silk
dress I selected yesterday crushed straw
berry, you know"
1t takes an Irfshman to turn a compli-
ment. When he saw Jones, after having
met the latter with Mrs. J. Pat McFla-
herty, said: "Ye are mooch younger
than yer wife, sur" Presently he met
the wife and remarked: "The idea of
such young woman marrying Misther
Jones" The next DAY he met them to-
gether, hut he wasn't at loss for blar-
ney, "Och," he exclaimed, eye are both
of yez too young for aich other"
A writer in a Denver paper, tho other
day, in describing Colorado Canyon, at
tempted to say: ''Gazeup and down the
rocky jaws and you imagine the world
has opened its mouth to eat q planet and
grind it with mountain molars." After
the intelligent compostor had got in his
work there was less boldness in the fig
ure of speech, inasmuch as the world
was made to open it's mouth Ito eat
peanut" .-.-s-.z..-.-
In suit for separation the counsel for
the wife pleaded, among other motives,
the incompatibility of temper, and began
to trace portrait of the husband: "Brl-
tai, violent, anger + T."
The lawyer for the husband, in his turn,
painted the wife: wicked, violent,
peevish." Excuse me-" said the judge,
interrupting the advocate, gentlemen,
where to you find the incompatibility of
temper?"
A new invention is a door lock that
has no key. Married men who are in
the habit Of carrying night-key will
kick against it's introduction. It would
be rather inconvenient to take the door
off its hinges and lug it about with them
until midnight or later. What is wanted
is lock with keyhole that can be
opened by simply working at it, when
the male head of lhe house comes home
and finds that incorrigible aperture
making three hundred revolutions
minute.
"Hurry out into the kitchen and light
the fire, Johnny l want to get supper
early"
"Can't."
"Don't answer me that way, but 60
along and do it."
Cant"
'There, now that'll do. Don't Ike SO
impudent. Go light the fire."
II tell you can't"
"Why can't you?"
"Cause nobody can light a fire. If
there's fire there its's already lit; and
if there isn't any, there isn't any. But I
can light the kindlin', if that's what you
meen."