The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-03-02
THE GREAT UNKNOWN,
How the Bad Boys Pa Figured at the
Skating Rink
Peck,S Sun.

"What broke your pa up at the roller
skating rink ?" asked the groceryman.
40. everything broke HIM up" said the bad
boy. ""t,l. he had no business to be the
| best skater in Nc-h America when he was
a boy. He said he skatt5 once from Albany
to New York In an hour anG ,iphty minutes.
Me and my chum thought if pa &c" such a
terror on skates we would get him to put m
a'pair Of roller skates and enter him as the
"Great Unknown" and clean out the whole
gang. We told pa that he must remember
that roller skates were different from the ice
skates and that maybe he couldn't skate on
them; but he said that 1t didn't make any
difference what they were as long as they
were skates, and he would just paralyze the
whole crowd. So we got pair of big roller
skates for him, and while we were strapping
them on pa looked at the skaters glide
around on the smooth waxed floor Just as
though they were creased. Then pa looked
at the skates on his feet after they were
fastened-sort of forlorn like, the way
horse thief does when they put shacklss on
his legs, and told him If he was afraid he
could not skate on them we would take
them off; but he said he could beat any body
there or break q suspender. Then we
Strengthened pa up and pointed him toward
the center of the room, and he said "lsggo,"
and we just gave him little push to start
him and he began to 60.
"You'd aided to have seen pa try to stop.
You see, you can't stick your heel in and
stop, like you can on Ice skates, and pa soon
found that out, and he began to turn side
ways, and then he threw up his arms and
walked on his heels, and he lost his hat, and
his eyes began to stick out, cause he was
going right towards an iron post. One arm
caught the post and he circled round II few
times, and then he let 60 and began to fall,
and, sir, he kept falling all across the room,
and everybody got cut of the way except .
girl, and pa grabbed her by the polonaise
like drowning man grabs a straw, though
there wasn't any straws on her polanai,e as I
know Of, but pa just pulled her along as
though she was done up in q shawl strap,
and his feet went out from under him, and
he struck on his shoulders and kept agoing,
with the girl dangling along like bundle Of
clothes.
"Well, sir, was ashamed. An old man
like pa ought to know better than to be
boy. This last time pa said he was going to
spread himself, and II I am any judge Of q
big spread, he did spread himself Somehow
the skates, had got turned around sideways
on his feet, and his feet got to going in differ
ent directions, and pas feet was getting so
far apart that 1 was afraid l would
have two pas, half the size, with one
leg apiece. tried to get him to take mp .
collection of his legs, and get them both in
the same ward, but bis arms few around,
and one hit me on the nose. and thought II
he wanted to strike the best friend he had he
could run his legs himself. When be began
to separate cocld hear the bones crack.
"The proprietor Of the rink told pa that il |
he wanted to give flying trapeze perform
ance he would have to go the gymnasium,
and he couldn't skate on his shoulders any
him. Then pa said he would whip the pro-
prietor Of the rink, and be got up and /
steaded himself, and then he tried to kick
the man, but his heels went up 20 wonct,
and pa turned back somesault and struck
right on bis vest in front. guess Il knocked
the breath out him, for he didn't speak for
few minutes, aud then he wanted to 20
home. and we put him on q street car and
he laid down on the hay and rode home. o,
the work We had TO get pas clothes of. He
had ciieks In his back, and everywhere, and
ma was away To one Of the neiehbors, to
look at the presents, and had to put lini-
ment on pa, and made mistake and got .
bottle Of furniture polish and put II on pa
and rubbed II IN, and when ma came home |
pa smelled like coffin at charity funeral,
and ma said there was no way OF getting
thai varnIsh Of pa TIL 1t wore oG. He will
have to stay In the house oil this week.