Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-01-12
LAENIIPPE.

.hot rs. wary les. ma AN; DUt
the new kitchen clock has such large
minutes
No. he said, Il shouldn't mind
being called a liar, only, you sep. |
cant deny 1t without proving 10
everybody that l am one
When Fogg heard that cigars were
largely made by machinery he said
he had noticed stationary Indian in
front of nearly all the cigar shops.
The theory that violins get tired
by constant use is one that cannot be
too industriously circulated in the in
terest of those who suffer from over
practice by their amateur neighbors.
Professor-'Now, Mr.. Snodkins.
you may criticise the theme you have
just read" Snodkins-"I I'd rather
write a criticism. sir. | can't
talk so well as l can WRITE Profes-
sor (who has waded through Snod-
klns' last theme with great difficulty
Then, sir, I'm sorry for you"
Where have you been, John?"
"Oh, I've been spending u few years
in the country. Nice hotel up there"
Yes, what are the terms" Three
years to a lifetime" ''Oh, I see: you
have been to the Hotel de Concord"
just So"
Two boarding house keepers are
comparing notes. 1T pears to me,
Mrs. Miggles. that your chicken
salad Is never found ut-lenstways,
L never heard none of the boarders
complain" "You see." exclaimed
Mrs. MigSles, Il allus chops up few
feathers with the veal"
Miss Notebanger had just finished
n difficult" piece of music upon the
pianoforte. Beautiful, isn't it," re
marked young lady. "Yes." re
piled Fogg. "Splcndid exercise:
superior to Indian clubs or dumb
bells, but rather exhausting to a be-
glnner, 1 should say"
Il will register for another piece
OF pie, MAJ said South End urchin.
My son, You have cast one thought
less ballot of pie down your throat
already. There shall be no stuffing
the digestive ballot box in this fam
ily,' and the little fellow hung
around the supper polls without
avail.
"John, l have noticed
Ior some time that my shirts always
come from the laundry one week too
late. How is this?" John-"Excuse
mo, lieutenant, but your shirts are al
ways SO clean that / think it pity
to send them to the laundry, and so
l wear them another week"
DO You want to hire an editor7"
inquired dapple faced man with a
prominent nose, who had just kicked
u strong oak button Off from the
door and walked in on us with the
gall of Il map peddler. NO, not to-
day. We are quite sober, thank YOU"
was the gracious reply. Don't?
Well. can l shovel in that pile of
coal down on the sidewalk. and
whattle yer give?"
what well-dressed gentleman
that is" remarked a stranger from
Onion Creek. as gentleman in an
elegant turnout dashed down Austin
Avenue. Yes; but he just lives from
hand to mouth" why, that's very
singular. He don't look as if he was
in straitened circumstances" There
is nothing singular in his living from
hand to mouth. He is the leading
dentist in the place" Texas Sift-
ings.
Conversation overheard in the horse
car the other day: Edith Are my
shoes crocheted!" Mother-"Cer-
tainly not, my dear" Edith -"They
are black, amt they?" Mother
Yes, that is undoubtedly true"
Edith (triumphantly)-"Well. then,
isn't that crow shade!" Silence on
the part of the stern relative.
Once upon time tenor went to
the genial and gentle critic Darthenay
and SAID, Indignantly: "Oh, come
now, say, what makes you so hard
on fellow?" so hard on you?"
gasped the stupeticd critic. YES"
retorted the singer. Here you write,
Very few tenors have ever equaled
him, not even Nourrit or Duprez.'
Damme, sir, l never was equaled by
anybody"
An old gentleman with a nose as
fiery red as q comet came into Mr..
Mahlstick's studio the other day, say
ing that he had a fine collection of
water colors, mostly marine pieces. to
dispose of, and he wanted Mahlstick
to come and look at them. The ar
tist was all the time intently looking
at his visitors nose. by Jove," he
said, that is no water colorr' Young
man." solemnly replied the caller,
you're right; it's distemper."
Say, Thompson" said Pete Bige-
low to friend last Tuesday, don't
it look as though Sile Difenderfer
was kinder subdued like?" Sub
dued!" replied Thompson. "Well, 1
should say yes. That's very quiet
family just now-that of Offender
fer's." ''How so?" "Why, you see,
Sile kissed his mother-in law on the
back stairs the other evening, mis-
taking her for the hired girl"
A reporter while chatting with an
old soldier of Hibernian nationality
yesterday, ascertained that the latter
had assisted at the funeral of the
hero of Waterloo at London in 1852.
Il suppose large bcdy of military
paraded at Wellington's funeral"
asked the scribe. Yes. indade, and
whin it was all over we resaved a
shillin' apiece to dhrink the Dukes
health" was the reply.
Boston Transcript: When 'the
poor drunkard on the stage raises his
eyes to the flies and exclaims melo-
dramatically, I'll never drink anoth-
er drop so long as L live the i'm
pressible young gentlemen in the
audience applaud the sentiment to
the echo, and as soon as the curtain
goes down they all rush out to cool
their heated emotions at the nearest
sample room.