The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1883-02-28
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Always bent on shooting-A how.
An international air-The wind.
Hatters are the people oftenest
caught mapping.
"Tales for the Marines" are now
published sea-rially
The dancing masters motto-Beware
of the first wrong step.
Barber-"How will you have your
hair cut, sir?' Man in chair-"In
silence. ."-BoSton Transcript.
lie that is in trade is wise all his
goods to advertise, for that is the rea-
son why half the people come and buy.
Nantucket has girl pilot only seven
teen years old.-Boston AdCertiseT.
And we'll wager that she is familiar
with every buoy on the sound.- Breck-
iIaridge NeeoS.
An editor wrote a headline, "a Hor-
rible Blunder," to go over railway
accident, but thought it was the print
er's fault that it got over the account
Of wedding.
As matters are going in this co'ln-
try just now, we think seriously of oh
tanning pensions for the chairs of our
office, as many of thtm have lost ii leg
in the service.-LotceU Citizen.
A new club in New York is callel
"The Growlers." 1t is supposed to be
composed of married men who have
to wait five minutes when they 90
home for dinner.-NoTTiStOtOn Herald.
A peddler may understand euchre and whist,
And for handling the cards have knack;
But, pray, do not think him gambler be-
cause
He is found at all times with pack.
Statesman.
At a restaurant. Diner" Here,
waiter, 1 say, confound it, this game
is too much so ow Waiter, blandly-
Beg pardon, sir, but you're mistaken,
sir. It's the other gentleman's fish at
the next table, sir. r."-Qliz.
inexperienced shootist-" Dear me
l made sure I'd killed at least one Of
those birds, yet see, yonder, away they
soar" Keeper doan't think they
be sore, zur, for they doan't look as il
yew'd wounded of 'em much. LON
don Fun.
"What idiot has carried off my
pen?' exclaimed an Austin lawyer,
angrily, during the trial Of case in
the district court. Colonel, you
have got it behind your ear" remarked
one of the lawyers. "Just where |
thought it was. ."-TeGGs SU'tilgS.
You say your wife gets mad and
raises a row ?" q" l should say she did.
She makes enough fuss to run afreight-
train forty miles an hour" But il
You knew she was in the habit of get
ting mad, why did you marry heT?"
Because if / had held back she would
have got madder than ever"
If man desires to express himself
logically, he must not allow himself to
| become tiurried, as was the case with
an Austin man, who was very much
annoyed by frequent callers, and who
finally exclaimed: "There is no min
ute in the day that can have quiet
half hour to myself. ."-Siftin9S.
The Iowa Falls Sentinel says: "There
is not a single woman on the platform
of female suffrage who has happy
family of husband and children-not
one" Well, we should say not. When
the editor of the Sentinel can explain
how other "single women" have happy
families of "husband and children"
people will be ready TO listen to his
/ views on woman suffrage and its meas
ureless horrors Huntington Hat0keye.
Next to the Arabian, who comes
down to us through the lines of clumsy
verse, the Arkansaw man entertains
the highest regard for his horse. The
other night a gentleman ran in great
haste for a doctor, and, gaining audi
ence with the physician, said: MY
wife is mighty sick, and my horse, too,
is powerful bad off, How much do
you charge visit?" 1.-Two dollars"
WAL, | amt got but three dollars.
Reckon you'd better go and see the
horse. ArEiHs0to Traeeier.