The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-06-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

''NJ NbV ACdu tiialb 1t lucky TO |
pick up a horseshoe, picked up one in
a blacksmith's shop. The suddenness
with which she dropped it showed that
1t was not lucky,
Lake Shorge'' he said. ...ish fine
blaze-tiner like silk, bud der prizes are
doc high like as Trinity steebles. Dot |
ish Wy my tear poy, l go nit my familie
to der Vite mountains. .
An old lady in Kalamazoo, Mich, OBJ |
Jeeted to the setting of a telephone pole |
on her premises, saying she wasn't go |
ing to have that thing there totelegraoh |
everything she said all over the town.
1t was a. Vassar maiden, fresh from
school, who requested her father to ..ar-
teulate the elevation of Hermes in the
crystalline tube. when she wished 10
know the temperature.
lnquisitiveness rebuked: Mistress Ito
applicant for cooks position)-
did you leave your last place." APP
plicant-''You're very inquisitive marin.
| didn't ak you what for yer last cook
left you"
A lady once applied to Judge for a
divorce. What is the name of your
husbandP' inquired the Judge 81 have
no husband yet, but inasmuch as con-
template .matrimony, feel that | should
be prepared for the worst
Exaerbation-She (they had quarrel
ed and were exchanging back their love-
letters) Il suppose needn't trouble to
return the locks of hair you've sent
me?" But he, being bald, had no sense
of humor.
A Lyme young woman serenades her
lover with a guitar every night. He is
sick in bed with the infammatory rheu-
matism. If he doesn't Join the angel
band pretty soon it won't be his girls
| fault.
Mary must have Summer bonnet"
remarked Mrs. Rattles to her husband
this morning, land | think will have
my old straw pressed over for her. "A
| chip off the old block, [ suppose, " re-
| joinee R-Boston Courier.
A dealer in counterfeit money was re-
| Gently interviewed as to the state of
trade, and in answer said, well. bust
ness would be first rate, but we have
such trouble to find honest men to
handle the stuff on commission. "-The
Judge.
The window in a dentists Office came
down and caught cat by the tail, while
he was OUT and fourteen people who
would have waited for his return, on 60
ing upstairs and hearing the cats voice,
decided to go home and stand the pain
of the toothache.
| You cant convince the countrvman
who madly rings the church bell half an
hour after every man, woman and child
in the village has arrived at the scene of
the contlagration that he didn't take the
principal part in extinguishing the fire.
Boston Post,
do you believe that woman. nova
days, would die for the object of her
| love?" asked a bachelor friend. Il don t
know whether she'd die or not" an
swered the Benedict; "but I've known
her to go wild when trimming didn' tsuit
her"
The composer of Home. Sweet
Home" is moldering in the grave, the
composer of kathleen Mavoureen'' is
old and poor, and Over the Garden
Wall is an outcast who dares not vent
ure near civilization for fear of being hit
with prick or something.
A Poor Matrimonial Speculation.
had nine children to support, and itkept
me busy " said Smith to Jones, as they
met; ''but one of the girls got married.
Now have Eight, y interrupted
Jones. mo, ten," said Smith, with a
sigh which might have been heard affair
off
Mrs. Sage. / should like to know
whose ferry-boats those are that stumb-
led over in the hall. y ''Ferry-boats, in
deed sir! Those are my shoes. Very
polite of you to call them ferry-boats!"
Il didn't say ferry-boats, Mrs. Sage;
you misunderstood me-.fGjry boots, ]
said, my dear"
3 As the circus bills begin to adorn the
! wall, the anxious mothers can stop put
ting patches on the seat and knees OF
her offspring's pants and devote herself
to buying him new hats. Top and mar.
bles are all right till the circus bill
0 comes, and then the American boy will
stand on his head or bust-a suspender,
h -EUanSUiIle argus.
While more boys are born than girls
it is a singular fact that there is a sur
plus of female population. 1t is easily
accounted for. Pooling with toy pistols
playing baseball, and falling off cherry
t. trees, all boyish pastimes, are six time
more hazardous than wearing corset
t and jumping the rope five hundred time
in one inning,
"Who is this Tom Moore that Paine
has been plagiarizing FROM" asked ont
Yale Senior of another Blessed if
know" was the reply; Il have looke'
over the college records, but failed tt
find any such name,' and then the,
went into the gymnasium and begai
pounding each other with boxing-glOves
D Rochester Post Cypress.
A crippled man stopped a Philadel
phia lawyer on the street the other da,
| and beggedf for aims. won you pleas
give a poor man with wife and larg
family something to keep them iron
starving?' For a wonder the lawyer
heart was touched. MY poor fellow,
he said, Il feel for you. haven't an,
change to give you, but | tell you wha
will do; if you want a divorce I'll onl
charge you half rates.
.'What is the matter, Mose?" aske
Jim Silverton of Mr.. Schaumburg, tn
Austin merchant prince Il vas mad a
dot SchwindeImey. He hash not invit
ed me to his Wedding, vich dakes b1ac
next Monday But l don't see VIII
you should grieve over such trifle.
s'Sooch tritie! Mine Colt! he wash a
mine Wedding and he ate more den any
body else, and now when he gets hissel
married he gives me no chance to ere
even NIT him.
A woman in Albany, while cleanin
:, house, found large roll of bank bill
III secreted in a storeroom. She had in
vested the entire amount, in her mind
in Spring bonnets, redingotes, straw