The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-07-11
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Wednesday, July II, 1883.
COME COMMENTS.

ing. stand up. Spell .duel'" Ink.
{ That's good boy; but there's anothe
waylwii-n-d.n-Lomseille Cou1fc,',Jonrnal
quite too much: On very rain!
tse ing a age makes its way along TIL
boulevaro teed smoking from the pour
ing showers. n horse Poor horse r
says member of the S. P. G. A.; g out il
such weather, and htehed to an open car
riage, too French Fun.
"A mothers fear: al don't feel uneasy
about the future prosperity of any of my
children, except Tom," said an Arkansav
lady, in conversation with an acquaintance
4" Poor TOMS mind is weak and fear that
like his father, he will be compelled to prac
tice law. "-Arkansaao Traeeler.
-Unanswerable Priest" Pat, I un
derstand you are going to be married again.
Disconsolate Widower-"Y is, your riv'
renee" Priest" But your wife, Pat, has
only been dead two weeks" d. w" Yis
yer rivrence; but shure amt she as dead
now as she liver will be Harvard Lam.
p0on.
-Jubiters bright idea: Jupiter, having
created the mosquito, the flea and all the
sile orders of the entozoa and the epizoa,
paused for moment in perplexity. "Now,
what in thunder shall make for them to
prey upon ?" he asked himself musingy.
Suddenly bright idea struck him. He
made man Paris W.T..
-Proverbial philosophy: Abstinence
makes the heart grow fonder. All swell
that ends swell-as regards shoes. One
swallow does not make q summer.--Dis-
auce lends enchantment to few.-Let me
make the ballots of an opera, care not who
writes its scores. Woman is not so fair as
she's painted. -Catch your hair before you
shave it.-Ha,pard Ldmpoon.
No vehicle desired: "And So" says
the narrator closing his story, "they took
him up to the cemetery in gold-mounted
hearse, With four black horses and oil the
bands in the garrison playing the Dead
March," every grand, Idessay," remarks
his listener, "but / don't care for style.
Going to the cemetery on foot is good
enough for me, n--Brom The FrencA
Language Tommy" What does 4
beg your pardon mean? ?" Aunt 1t is a
form of apology, my dear. For instance, if
iwere to Knock up against you by mistake,
should apologize by saying: / beg your
pardon" Tommy" Oh, mother wouldn't
say that She'd say Get out, yer young
warmth, or I'll fetch ye SIGH slap O. the
head y own father won't know ye from n
twopenny bus. '"-London Fua.
City and country counting. Counting
in tho country is altogether different in.
dtitution from the city article. In the form.
or place you get rosy lips, sweet cider,
johnny cakes and girls made by nature,
and in the latter collection of starch
phrases, formal manners, fine silk, great
lewelry and got up seeundum artem. AL
ways take the rural district when you wan
to get a good staple Of calico. G1eensJ0y,
(Ga) Herald
Tho fashionable boot: A young wo-
man calls upon her shoemaker, the most
fashionable artist in the city, and complains
that her new boots burst on the very first
day that she wore them. I" 1t cannot be,
madam" says the artist, firmly but respect
fully; 1T is simply impossible that -
But look herei" says the customer, pro-
ducing package containing the boot. TIE
artist examines it carefully and with per
plexity. At lasts his face lights up. 81 see
how it was !" he cries, trumphantly; "you
have been out walking with them on p'--
French Fun.
-Guying the Californians: They have q
quiet way of guying us, these Eastern folks,
which is not altogether pleasant. For in
stance, Bostonian staying at the Palace
Hotel lately remarked to an old forty.niner;
You are q curious aud dissatisfied people
here, IL seems to me-" GLOW SOP
"Well ] have been studying your great
City Hail and it seems to me that the design
must once have been very harmonious.
Why could you not have left 1t SOP" LEFT
it sol Why, we are only building It'll"
Oh, thought you were pulling it down.
1ableau. San Francisco Ne,os Letter.
Poor Yawcob; "You say your wife Il
trying to geta divorce P' said the lawyer
Yaw," answered Hans Spreckendeutch
"Yaw, dot is So" "And now you want tc
sue Jacob Schneider for damages for alienat
ing her affections !" Yaw." "Was she O
good wife ?" NO. she vas bad vomans.
"Did you love her very much ?" "No, I'm
potter midout her." "Well, il she was q
Ind woman and you are better without her
you are not much damaged II jacob
Schneider takes her Of your hands.
"Yaw, it looks like dot, amt ii Mebbe it
potter don'd say nuttiugs about it, But, p.
shiminios, pitties dot Yawcob Schneider
Tho Bookkeeper.
Promises mo, they're not done
hnt you can have them next week. Boot
maker to customer who has called six times
Certainly, tomorrow morning. "-lIusban,
to wife who wants the carpet beaten
"About week from next Saturday, sure.
Young man to tailor who furnished winte
overcoat 81 will give you your answer il
the lln-Girl to young man who hai
bought the winters ice cream. Yes--oh
yes-I'll paint and paper throughout-g
to do it."-Sarcastic landlord to tenant who
owes two quarters rent. "Cf course will
at once. "-Fresh young man who doesn't
know a vito who wants nower-bed- -
R9ckiand Courier Gazette.