davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

A SWAIN who Il counting girl and try
ing to please the old man at the same time
is said to b very par ticker In his atten-
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

IL you are bilious, take ~. Fierce,
{" Pleasant Purgative Pellets, the orlg1nal
q Little Liver Pills.n OF all druggists-
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

Now Thar Arthur Sullivan Is knighted,
Ne shall expect no more musical works
from him. for the Good Book tells US that
when the Knight cometh no man can work.
IN =. Graphic.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

Elm GROVE, N. Cdr. g. n. Robertson
snS t;rd = pn = y ne nuwms aiVn psssers
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

WHY are hens immortal? because their
sons never set. Why have they no here
afters Because they have their necks
twirled in this.-G0lden Days.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

LOGIC Is logic, and it does not follow
that Noah brewed beer in the ark because
the kangaroo went on board with hops
Ch;cQgO Tribune.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

A PrrTsBuRGHc Iofhier advertises AGENTS.
Refrigerator Clothing" Tho outfit proba-
bly, includes nice chest protsctor.-P ftts
b1SrgA Telegraph
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

Skinny Men. "Wells' Health Remover"
restores health and vigor, cures Dyspepsia
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

WHY Is conscience like the strap on an
on the outward man
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

HAr-FEvER. Ihave been a Hay-Fever
sufferer for three years; have often heard
Ely's Cream Balm spoken Of in the highest
terms. used it, and with the most won
derful success. T. s. GEER, Syracuse, NY.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

WHY was Cowper, the poet, in debty
Because he " oh'd for lodge in some vast
vilderuess0
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

erRAIoHrKx old boots and shoes with Lyons
Patent Heel Stiffeners. and wear them again
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

woNAN's sphere-The darning-ball. In
fact, many q woman fears it.-Boston
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

AxAuenzxo stock-A collection Il eoea
jokes.-Boston Courier.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

Stinging, irritation, all Kidney and BlaA-
der Complaints, cured by 'sBuchr-P alba. ~ s..
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

.MAxMA,u said a Monson street four
~ear-old maiden, do the geese lay goose
berriess' 80 no, my child, they grow on
the trees" "Well, what are goose eggs
anyhow!' ssThey are the things, my dear,
which the baseball players make when
they don't make anything."-Syrdcusc
Herald
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

UNCLE REUBEN; "Yass, Ephrim, but 70
should do as 20 is done byn Eph: !" Yass,
Uncle Rube, but dis chile hain't never been
done by !"-Arkdnsdr Traveller.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

" anlicted with Sore Eyes, use Dr.. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell it. SO.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

"MURDERs are plenty" said Mr.. Fits
noodle. rs he laid down the evening paper.
Yes" sighed Mrs. f., "people are being
before. "-C Chicago Neps.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

A DELAWARE man keeps bis favorite
fruit in refrigerator because he believes
in freeze peach.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

A BILLY is a little club, jimmy is .
little tool, dicky is little shirt, and all
the other boys are little fresh.-N r.
Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

500 REWARD will be paid for any case of
chills that CHILLARINE will not cure. Try it.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

HIGH in rank-0ld butter Merchant and
Traveller.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

kerr on drsught-the blast furnace
Boston Star
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

HAY FEVER. can recommend Eiy's
Cream Balm to all Hay Fever sufferers, it
is, in my opinion, q sure cure. l was af-
6icted for % years, and never before found
sure relief. w. H. HAsKINs, Marshfield, Vt.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-09-01

INvENFoRs' HAND BooK-FR OUT
How great fortunes have been made. His
tory OF inventions; valuable to all who read
and think. Order it by postal card. NV.
Fitzgerald. Solicitor, Washington, D. c.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
Farewell to nu ola Friend.

party Of six gentlemen holding prominent
positions In the Government Printing ONCE
made the Norfolk trip on the Leary on SIT
urday evening last. AS all carried email
satchels, II 10 supposed they were prepared
Tor drought. An empty bottle was picked
up by fisherman early Sunday morning off
Point Lookout, which, upon opening, was
found 10 contain tho following;
Farewell, old friend,
Thy days OF usefulness are o'er;
Thou bloodless Victim OF misplaced c5nfilence
Avauntl
Full many time I've seen the full.
(And shame be Z said, I've been qu 10 full my
self,
And with affections grasp clrellng ny Juicy
neck,
Have qnafed the crystal drops tn { $50 the
soul,
Make the heart glad, and Danish care.
But now how is ~
Ny heart grows cold willis gazing on thine
emptiness
l cast thee on to minsle win the sands Of
earth,
From whence thou camest.
FAREWELL ola friend, farewell.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
Local option Sustained by the
Courts In Alexandria COuntv

The temperance element having prevailed
IN the neighboring county OF Alexandria at
the last election, as result the court refused
20 grant licenses for the sale OF intoxicating
liquors IN several OF the maglsterlll dlstrl IT'S
In the county. Several OF tho applicants for
licenses on Thursday, by their attorney, Mr.
Edmund Burke, moved the Court u grant
them licenses upon the grounds that tho elec.
iiOn was Illegal and void from Irregularities
az The voting precincts, and that tbs Law sub.
miiting the question OF granting or nOt grant
ing licenses 10 sell intoxicating liquors 10 the
people, was unconstitutional.
The consideration Of the question whether
or not the "lOcal option law" would De sus-
tAined by the courts has created considerable
interest, both in the county and also among
the temperance societies OF this city-ls the
members Of these societies visited the County
Of Alexandria prior to the election, held pub
lie meetings, and did much to agitate tho
question and persuade tho voters - cast their
ballots againsl tue sale Of intoxlolting liquors.
The Gaze was heard by HIS Honor, Judge
James sensster, the county being representa-
by It's attorneye, james +. Clemeuts aad A. W,
Armstrong, esq. After Lengthy arguments,
the Judge sustained the law and dismissed
the aDDlleaftOn.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
A Hintto iha ROW.

Kansas CITY journal.
Washington is great news centre, but the
press dispatches from that city are open to
grave objection. The average news-gatherer
there makes the mistake OF supposing that
what interests the hotel gossipers and depart
ment clerks is acceptable to the people OF the
country. And this gossip constitutes about
three-fourths OF what is sent over the
wires. This practice gives undue promi-
nence 10 people who are of no I'm
portance whatever 10 anybody except the
boarding house keepers once week. We
know Of one man, for example, whose name
was known by the press dispatches through.
out the nation for i've or six months, who all
that timo was sponeing his board of poor
woman who kept boarding house and has not
paid her yet. II the good people who read of
these men could only see them and know them
as they are really known they would be aston
lshed, What ought 10 come from Washington
are facts about public business, but we have
a grain OF that and brshel OF ho.el lobby
gossip and unfounded sensation.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
REAL ESTATE.
The Official Transfers, as RecOrde ed
TODAY.

The Official Transfers, as Recorded
To-day.
Messrs. Danenhower II Son. real-estate
brokers, 1925 F street northwest, report the
following transfers in real estate In the Dis
trict to-day, as compiled by them from the on
cial records In the ONCE OF the Recorder of
Deeds.
Thomas Robbins to Arthur A. Birney, part
OF lot O, in James Robbins, ST. .s subdivision OF
original lot 16, In square 2S3, $1,000.
Joseph Tabor johnson to Annie L. Rice aud
Jeannette j. Summer, part OF original lot IL,
in square 372, 10000.
original lot 2, in square 512, 5000.
Georgetown College to Bridget Hickey and
Margaret Hickey and John McGrant, part OF
original lot Ia, In square 763, $3.50.
Anthony Hyde to Charles ii. Caldwell, orIgl-
nal lots and s and part of lot 6, In square
s7S, being lots 43, Al, 45, 46 and AZ, In Hyde's
subdivision of said ground, $1,000.
Anna NJ. Torbett TO Bernard A. Clarke, lot
Sd, in John W. Starr's subdivision OF lots 81 to
81 In Guillick's subdivision OF square 9s7,
$1,000.
Chris. Rupert to Gustav Rupert, lots II
and 1S, in Chris Rupperts subdivision oi
original lots and 8, In square 81, $4,000.
Belva A. Lockwood to Alice A. Stewart, part
of original lot l. in square 1912, 800.
Charles W. Hills to Joseph Tabor johnson,
part Of lot 2s, In square 126, $4,000.
Alice A. Stewart 10 Bernard Burnstine, origl
nal lots i, 2, 13, III, 15, 16, IL and IS, ir
square 1912, nominal.
C.J. Hillyer to Woodbury. Blair, lot 8, ir
said Hillyers subdivision of a part of square
105 500
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

A sTUpENDoUs scheme has just been
born at Indianapolis. 1t is to build dou-
ble-track, narrow-guage railway from New
York to San Francisco and from Chicago to
New Orleans. The capital stock is placed
at s3oOOOO,OOO, and the projectors have
kindly decided to put the shares at only
$5 each, so that anybody, no matter how
poor, may have a share in the house.
The scheme appears to be as promising
as the one to buy up Confederate bonds and
hold them for redemption by the United
States,
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
Tippecanoe and tyler, Too.


There has Just been ploughed up In an In.
diana field an interesting souvenir oil the
famous ''hard-cider" campaign OF 1910 In that
State, In the shape OF one Of the medals that
were then worn by the supporters of Harrison.
II bears on one side representation OF a log
adjoining tree. ON the reverse are the In
scriptlons, "The Peoples Choice, the Hero OF
ippecanoe-Major-Gen W. II. Harrison,
born February 2, 1772." 1t viii be presented
to Hon. Richard W. Thompson,who Is the only
survivor Of the Indiana electoral college OF
that year.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
Aayice 70 Consumntives.

On tho appearance OF the first symptoms-as
general debility, loss OF appetite, palor, chilly
sensations, followed by night sweats and
taken. Consumption Is scrofulous disease OF
the lungs: therefore use the great anti
scrofuln, or ood-purifer and strength re-
covery.' Superior to cod liver oil as a nutri.
tive, and unsurpassed as pectoral. For weak
lungs, splitting OF blood, and kindred affec-
tions, 1t has no equal. Sold by druggists the
world over For DR.. plerce's pamphlet on Con-
sumption, send two stamps to WORLDS Dis
PENsARY MEDICAL ASSOCIATION, Buffalo, n. Y.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
THAT "KNowLnpaE IS POWER,

NEEDS no DEMONSTRATION. AND HE
WHO BY EXPERILNCE KNOWS THE
VALUE OF TARRANT's sELTzHR APERIENT
DOES NOT NEED TO BE TOLD THAT HE
HAS IT WITHIN HIS POWER TO WARD OFF
FEv,ERs, BILIOUS ATTACKS, HEADACHES,
AND ALL THE Ills ARISING FROM A DIS
ORDERED STOMACH, LIVER OR BOWELS.
A TEAsPOONFUL IN A GLASS OF WATER,
BEFORE EATING, ACTS LIKE A CHARM
AND NO WISE MAN WILL BE WITHOUT
1T. FOR SALE by ALL DRUGGISTS.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

AS GENERAL CROOK predicted, the refusal
of the Government to carry out his agree
ment with the Apaches has alarmed and in
censed them, and those who are not already
under guard have turned back into the
mountains with the avowed purpose of re-
suming their murderous depredations. Had
his recommendations been needed Apache
wars would have been ended for all time,
and this would be better even than carry
ing out the pet theory of civilian Secreta-
ries. ofcourse the hostile Apaches will all
be captured or killed. But it is possible
thar General Crook IS plan would have saved
white lives and cost less money, to say
nothing of its being more humane.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
The New chief Clerk.
IndIAnapolIs Tlmes.


Mr.. G. W. Walker, who has been connected
with the Times since It's establishment, has
been offered by POstmaster-Ge Gresham
and has accepted the position OF Chief Clerk
Of the PostOffice Department, II Is due to the
Time and TO Mr.. Walker 10 say that he did
not seek nor ask for the appointment. He
VIII go 20 Washington % assume It's duties,
and g. their conclusion Will resume service on
the JtMes.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30


Some New York papers, full OF sharp crlti
cism OF the Star r-Routers and the Postof1iee De-
partment, chow great virtue as 10 all postal
eyes are blind and their ears are deaf to the
wholesale frauds upon the postal revenue
within the shadow Of their own offices, the
priYate postal syetem OF New York city.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
He Was Born In York state.

san AntehIO LIght,
1t is wonderful that Abram $. Hewitt sh luld
be thought so formidable a candidate for the
Democratic Presidential nomination as to
cause the circulation OF stories that he was
born In England. or, ia It a weak invention
OF his friends
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
THE CRITIC ABROAD.

The Hon. Joe Blackburn, of Kentucky,
says lIoadly will be elected Governor of
Ohio by 10000 majority, and that the next
Democratic ticket should be Hoadly for
President and Cleveland for Vice President.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
The Prcss CIub ExcursIon.

The excursion OF the Washington Press Club
on Monday evening next TO Marshall Hall
promises to be pleasant affair. The steamer
C0rcoran Will leave her wharf at o'clock. The
Apollo Glee Club Will take passage with the
boys, ana Will sing some Of their choicest selec-
tions. Tickets can be procured from any
member Of the club.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

THE cholera bids fair to spread to the
West. This calamitous result will be due
to the bull-headed policy of England in
setting her commercial interests above
human life, and refusing to proclaim quar-
antine in time against infected ports.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

THE general idea appears to be that the
trade dollar must emulate tho example of
the Chnaman and "git up and git" That's
right. It's Chinese coin anyway.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
Ladies, before Leaving

the city, call at Mrs. s. Helier's and examine
her well-selected stock OF hair braids, vent
waves, Langtry, which she is selling at re-
duced prices for thirty days. Mrs. s. Heller,
506 Ninth street northwest.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
we arc Determined

10 clear out odds and ends. We have selected
some more pants TO be sold at half price. Call
before the best are picked. Eiseman Bros
corner Seventh and Z.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

FRANK HATToN knocked the New York
Times clean ont of time by his reference to
the private delivery" stealings of certain
citizens of New York city.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

Persons leaving the city for the
SIMMER can keep posted I'm wash
ington news only by having The
Critic" mailed 10 them. This IL the
only paper giving ALL the local
news of washington. The address
may be changed as often as desired.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

CoNdER caught on. He'll make a good
Postmaster.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

After all it looks as though the only way
TO settle the speakership question is to
elect Mr.. Holman, of Indiana. He wouldn't
object.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

How perverse is human nature some
times Some of the most ''pokcy" horses
driven by members of the Cabinet are those
owned by the sprightly officers, while the
fiery steeds are the property of the old
members.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

!. BE sure and buy the Gassits tomorrow. 1t
VIII be red-hot.
begins some things. The fight over the Will,
for instance.-NOITlst0i0n Herald.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
EnsireIy Disappeared.

n UIONIE STNLLT
NEW BRUNswICK, n. j., Sept. B, 1851.
II. II. WARNER & Co.; STs-A severe at
tick OF kidney diulculty entirely disappeared
JOHN b. IEsLEE.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
For the Next Thirty DAYS.
The Ream in their own Eye.

pants made to order at sacriace, at straus
X Marks, al Seventh street, two doors soutl
OF e.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

Excursionists Will find II very difficult to
procure good weed while out OF the city.
Chris. Abner, corner Of Ninth and f streets
northwest, the tobacconist, sends you his we'll
known brands OF cigars free OF postage, at
bottom figures,
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

once tho Mississippi valley was a lake, and
the Inhabitants are having a hard time 70 pre-
vent II from again becoming 80.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

The CHAIR OF political economy at Cor
nell University has been filled by the ap-
pointment to that professorship of Fl. q.
Adams, free-trader. But in order that the
instruction on the laws of trade may not be
entirely one-sided, Mr.. Ellis II. Roberts,
editor of the Utica Herald, has been ap-
pointed q lecturer on the same science "to
present the protectionist view." This is a
judicious arrangement, not only as n
means of satisfying the demands OF students
of opposite ways of thinking, and of parents
similarly divided in their views, but because
there is really great deal to be
said on both sides of the question. Political
economy has so many open questions that
it cannot with any propriety be dogmatic-
ally taught. The great object in teaching
it is to make the student acquainted with
the best that has been said on each side Of
its controversial questions, and SO arouse his
interest in the science as to lead him to
think on it for himself, with as much as
possible of vigor, care and independence.
And the duplex professorship at Cornell will
tend to promote this result.
training school, in which common school
education will be combined with instruc-
tion in the use of various kinds Of tools.
Something of the same kind is desirable
here; or rather, it is desirable that we
should have National polytechnic COL
lege.
The fact that Washington is not manu-
foo ~ ma IN oh inc
tion to it as the location for such an insti-
tuition, but many reasons outweighing this
objection will suggest themselves to the
reader among which we may mention the
fact that this is already the chief centre OF
scientific activity, while on the mechan-
ical side Washington enjoys especial ad-
vantages from the presence of the Patent
Office. Nor must it be too readily assumed
that this is not to become centre of man
ufacturing industry. That it will never
become another Pittsburg we have, fortu
nately, ample assurance, but manufacturer;
do not invariably carry with them an at.
mosphere loaded with SCOT. Paris Is a
great manufacturing city. as we'll as Q
centre of art, science, literature aud fash.
ion, and the fact does not prevent
its atmosphere from being clear, it:
buildings free from CRIME and
its general aspect all that the mos
esthetic taste could desire. The explana.
tion is that its manufactures are mainly OF
an artistic character. This is the class o.
manufactures at which we should ain
here, and the establishment of polytech-
mic college might be made conducive tt
their development.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30
Great Inducements

in summer cassimeres and thin goods for
warm weather wear, and there won't be any
trouble 10 please you, either, II you Will only
come and take a look at our stock and prices.
Noah Walker Il Co., 625 Pennsylvania avenue.
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

Since Colonel Dudley has announced
that he is not a candidate, Major Calkins, l
have no doubt, will be nominated for Gov
ernor in Indiana next year without ma
tcrial opposition, TO the Critic this morn
ing remarked Captain Thomas II. Mckee,
superintendent of the House Document
room. "And he Can organize the laboring
classes and make better race, | believe,
than any man in the State" continued
Captain Mckee.
You are very right" replied the Critic,
who has recently been ON the field and
learned of Major Calkins' strength.
Captain Mckee has just returned from a
tour of Indiana and has fresh information
upon the politics of the State and in reply
to interrogatories, said
81 really don't believe that the Republic
cans will take Presidential candidate
from Indiana; but | feel sure that the
Democrats will nominate ex-senator Nc
Donald, and in that event General Gresham
will be given second place on the Repub
lican ticket. If the Democrats were TO
nominate next week / believe Mcdonald
would be chosen by acclamation. The Re-
publicans of Indiana are in excellent or
ganization and will make successful
fight"
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

One Of the newly.appointed policemen
who has made large number of arrests of
late, principally ''drunks," was interro-
gated by tine Critic this morning as to his
knowledge of intoxication.
"How do you know when a man is
drunk, in The lawful meaning of the word?'
asked the Critic.
THAT'S an easy one," he replied "There
are several ways of telling when man is
drunk enough to he run in. He will either
stagger, sit on doorstep or fall down"
whats the matter with smelling his
breath ?" murmured the Critic.
THAT would be good idea, too," re-
piled the philosophic cop, innocently. But
the reason / arrest man when he is only
staggering drunk is the same reason that
the Fire Department begins squirting
water on house when the fire has just be-
gan to burn. nip it in the bud, whereas
ifI'd wait awhile might have to convert
myself into an express wagon and cart
the drunk to the station house."
The Evening critic., 1883-06-30

To-day, just as the Critic turned the
corner of Pennsylvania avenue and Fif-
tecenth street, he observed bcvy of ladies
in front of Frank Ward S milk depot, in the
CoIcoran Building, on Fifteenth street, op-
posite the Treasury Department. The
Critic moved up near the place where the
ladies were standing, when he heard one Of
them say
ooh, my, would you have thought it
Well, / do declare Did you ever" !"
The Critic was at q loss for some time to
understand what it was that was so aston
ishing to the ladies. Finally, however,
one of the ladies said:
Don't you know that THE CRITIC few
days ago had paragraph saying that he
and another gentleman was in there? did
not believe it then, but am satisfied now
that it was true"
"Well,' said another lady, "I never
want TO hear anybody say again that he is
an aristocrat or a snob, because it is not so.'
Remarked another one of the party
Isn't he good looking? Isn't he hand
some?"
And fourth party put in and said,
THAT is the second mug he has drank"
by this time the Critic had become a
little restless and anxious to see what it
was and who it was that the ladies
were talking about. Taking a peep into
Frank Wards milk establishment he saw
His Excellency wiping his mouth with a
towel that was hung on the counter, which
indicated that President Arthur had, for at
least the second time, gone in to get mug
of buttermilk, and that it was he who had
attracted the attention of the ladies. And
the Critic, like the ladies, thinks that there
is nothing in the story about the President
being snobbish aristocrat.