Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1883-02-21


out of the hotel business.
The ballet girls of Paris are on /
strike. Poor things! we suppose they
want money to buy clothes.
The lah-de.dali tigarette-smoking
young man is now styled third-class
male matter.
You can't eat enough in week to
last you a year, and you can't advertise
on that plan either.
A western railway company Is seri.
cusly thinking Of calling its main road
'FThe Primogeniture Route" because il
is the heir line.
will you drop us saline?" asked q
friend of man departing from Syra-
cusc. THAT depends salt together Cd
circumstances" was the reply.
prisoner. this il the third time this
\ year that you have appSsred before this
court. What has brought you here now.
ehp' 'The police, sir!'
A brother of the King of Siam ID
named Damr0ughser.: We should itidg6
the folks who named him took him for
q New York Alderman.
Papa: "Pon my word, II think I
shall have the heartburn" Little daugh-
ter: shall fetch it for you. papaP Is
it in the cupboardP"
The Syracuse Herald thinks that the
Chicago Tribune was not far out OF the
way. 1t spoke of doctor feeling bis
patients purse"
The Digger Indians of California play
foot ball, and invariably supplement the
sport with dance, drunk and free
tight. Very like white men.
Trout fishing is unusually good this
year. We have reports Of sixteen-inch
trout having been caught in two-inch
streams.
A Newport youth drives three horses
abreast to T cart. Poverty has its ad-
vantages. A man may be = born idiot,
but he can't show it unless be has mon
ey.
A Springfield Republican man has
discovered Leadville church. in which
is conspicuotsly displayed the legend:
please do not shoot at the organist; he
does his best.'
1t is alleged that Arab Bey was ori.
ginally confectioncr. His endeavor
to supply caramels for the girls drove
him to his present extremity of rebel.
lion against the whole world.
In the mountains--Arabell6 (whose
soul is wrapped in science); ''Charles,
isn't this gneiss" Charles (who is deep.
ly interested in Arabella): Nice! It's
delicious"
"Well,my little man, aren't you bare
footed rather early this season?" said
benevolent gentleman to . youngster
this morning. 'G,iess not. Wus born
barefooted"
Pats -Doetor-"Well, Pat,
have you taken the box Of pills sent
you" Pat--"Ycs. sir. be jabers.I have;
but don't feel any better yet; maybe
the lid hasn't come oil yetr'
II wish l was worth $500, ,0OO," salu
Agontlem&n. . ''What good would it do
you, for yoa don't spend your present
income?" reio;ned q friend. '.Oh, I
could 10 economical on large scaler'
A number of Baltimoreans caught in
an unlicensed beer saloon sworc that
they did not know what they wer, drink
ing. They probably told the truth.
They would not have touched it IL they
had known.
The miraculous good fortune which
invariably attends drunken man" has
for once, at least, been conspicuous by
its absence. A Tallahassee man got
drunk. lay down near swamp and was
stung to death by mosquitoes.
Better left unsaid: Snookson with q
knowing look through his eyc-glass)-
II say. Doodle, who's that uncommon
showy-looking woman your friend
Scamperdown's always about witha
Boodle-His wife-and my sister,"
Two gentlemen were lately examining
q plow-share on stall in market
place. ''Tll bet you o guinea. said one,
lyon don't know what this is for"
'DOne," said the other--"lt is for SALE"
The bet was won and tho wager was
paid.
Little Miss Innocent (seated xt din
ner, to pompous old cove): Mr. S.,
won't you drinkp' S.; .Yes, my dear,
certainly. But whyY' Miss l.: ..Be-
cause mamma saws YOU drink like a
fish. and l want to see how fishes
drink" SILL!
''Vat ees your namef'' inquired
German grocer of new customer. my
name is Cox" was the reply. "How
vas dot shpeldtP" ..Why. Cox" yah,
yah; das weissich schon; but how you
shpeldt dot xP" persisted the puzzled
Dutchman.
A labor auctioneer: "Yes. !" said Fend-
erson. lazily removing his pipe from his
mouth to say it; '.yes. TIM in favor Of
anything which shall promote home In
dustry." ''True for YOU" replied Fogg;
''but noticed that you keep away from
home when there is anything in the in.
dustry line going on"
Miss Hope-Edwardes, in her little
book ''Eau-de-Nil.' gives in one little
anecdote . curious side glimpse into
Egyptian character. When she once
complained to q certain Government Of
fetal. as to . superior person. ..Erery-
body seems to want backsheesh." the
great man replied grayely and unhesi-
tatingly: ''Certainly-l Also"
They were talking over music and the
drama at the table of their host, who,
~ they were already aware. owned his
fortune to his own unaided cxertions.
''You are fond Of Rossinp" asked one of
the guests. 'Passiohately.n replies the
host. know his .Barber?' - s.No. sir;
do not-never patronized the man;
have shaved myself for tho past forty
years"
II is said that Berlioz, the composer,
once said to his best girl; .'Ariel,
adore you. bless you; in word. love
you more than the weak French tongue
can say; give me an orchestra OF 100
O,~A = Ak~ -
and will tell YOU" The girls reply
Is not given, but il she was ono OF the
ordinary sort it was: '.Whisper what
thou feelest," or words to that effect.
A good story is told BY French Pc.
per OF two provincials, . man and his
wife. who visited tho Louvre, IN Paris.
''What struck you most at the Louvrep''
asked one OF their friends, when they
returned home and began to tell Of the
wonders they had seen. ..Oh," replied