Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-10-04
Aatauruas department.

Not A SHYLocK.-A day or two ago q
man who was at the Central Depot to take
train, suddenly cried out THAT some one had
stolen his valise, and he began such hula.
baloo that everybody had to be interested
81 sot that 'ere satchel right down THAI
and stepped to the door," he explained to
Officer Button, land when | returned il
was gone."
"Well, you should have been careful. We
are not responsible for such losses"
"You amt Ell? Whar's the President: :''
"Out of the city, sir"
"Whar's the Gineral Manager?
"He's sick abed."
"Whar's the Superindent:
"Won't be here till o'clock"
"Wall, now, somebody's got to make good
that loss or about dozen men will 60 to
the hospital for six months apiece"
"What was the value"
"Fifty dollars, and not a cent less!'
"What were the contents ?'
81 had twelve shirts, new suit Of clothes,
an overcoat and lots of other things"
"Was it carpet-sack ?"
"She was"
Zone handle gone and the lock broken? ?''
eyes, one handle was gone and l had her
tied with string"
"Is this it?'' asked the officer, as he took
the baggage off bench not six feet away"
'Great snakes! that's her" chuckled the
owner.
In handing it to him the string broke,
the bag flew open and out rolled two old
shirts, pair of socks and five or six paper
collars-all there was in it. ...
'Then these are the duds you wanted $50
for ?" queried the officer.
''No, STRIP was the indignant reply. 81
should have taken the money for loss OF
time and damage to my feelings. / am no
Shylock, sir!'-Free Press.
HAD THE GOUT.-IncidentS of highly
ludicrous nature frequently occur in the eX-
animation of patients both by doctors and
students. A professor on one occasion was
lecturing to his class on the means of dag
onizing diseases by the external appearance,
face, and other details of the patient. EX-
pressing his opinion that patient before
the class afforded an example of the prac,
tice in question, the professor said to the in
dividual-"Ah! you are troubled with the
goutv' "No, sir" said the man, 'I've nevv;
er had any such complaint" But" said
goutw "No, sir" was the reply, "nor my
mother eithern' "Ah, very strange" said
the professor to his class. ~ am still con.
vinced that this man is equity subject.
see that his front teeth show all the charac.
tiers that we are accustomed to note in gout.'
"Front teethu' exclaimed the patient
eyes" retorted the professor; Pm con
vinced my diagnosis is correct. You have
gout, STRIP "Well! that beats everything ,
replied the man; "it's the first time, sir
I've ever heard of false teeth having the
gout! I've had this set for the last fifteen
yearsm The effect of this sally on the part
of the patient upon the inquisitorial profes'
sor and his students may be better imagin'
ed than described.
MOURNERs EASILY CONsoLED.-Many
years ago, in one of the quiet New Hamp-
shire towns, young man lived who lost
his wife after only few months of welded
bliss. He was inconsolable over her loss,
and one day his pastor attempted to com.
fort him in the presence of a company OF
his towns-people, quoting. the apostle's
words. "Wherefore these light Affections,
which are but for moment, work for us a
far more exceeding and eternal weight OF
glory" but was promptly squelched by, the
WidOwer, who turned on him with look
of scorn, and said:
est. Paul didn't know anything about it
he warrant a married man."
He, however, found, solace in blooming
damsel, who, at his demise, which occurred
a few years since, remarked to sympa-
thizing neighbor:
eyes, it was terrible blow. l could
have picked out forty men in town that
I should rather had died than my hus-
band"
But even she was not so incOnsOlable as
a certain school committeeman in Brooks
vile, Maine, was, on the occasion Of his
wife's death. His inconsolable sorrow
could only be expressed by the remark to
sympathizing neighbor: "I'd rather have
lost the best cow in my barn."