River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-03-29
A RACE FOR A KISS.
How Nevada Woman Cured Her
Husband OF Tipping.


Husband of Tipping.
Virginia City Letter.
A buttcr-pedler from Honey Lake.re-
lates with great glee how neighbor of
his was cured Of too frequent tipping
the gin-bottle. This neighhor married a
young. handsome spirited lady, and for
month or two all went well in the
house and about the farm; then the hus-
band fell back into his old tricks. The
wife demonstrated and for a time the
husband reformed. Presently, how
ever, she became satisfied that the
"bottle-tipping" was again going on.
When she spoke to her husband about
the matter he swore that the "aroma"
she detected was that of collie med
icine he was taking, he having developed
q most intractable collie, for the relief OF
which he had brought home and pa
raded a bottle of medicine.
The wife was confident that there was
kept somewhere about the premises a
considerable store of very different
kind of medicine. She kept her own
counsel and at the same time strict
watch. In day orStwo she discovered
under q Manager in the barn the secret
hoard. She said nothing of the discov-
cry to her husband.
Soon after the husband had business
at neighbours some two miles away.
On his return he was somewhat sur
prised at seeing a note pinned upon his
front door. He hastily advanced and
read as follows:
'Ben: You viii find the key of the
house where you keep your collie medi-
cine. / have taken Kitty and gone
home to my mother. Father and broth
er Bob will come tomorrow for the
trunk in which have packed my things.
NELLIE.
The husband rushed to the barn. At
a glance he saw that Kitty, his wife's
mare, and the side-saddle were gone.
Darling to the manger ne hauled out his
eorpulent demijohn of gin, and suspend
ed from its neck found the key OF the
house.
Securing the key. he sent the demi-
john whlzzing and crashing against a
post of the barn. Bounding forth, he
ran to and mounted the horse he had
left standing in front of his house.
Away he dashed. 1t was ten miles to
the house of his father-in~law, and he
was determined TO overtake his vile be-
fore she could reach it or kill horse in
the attempt.
Said the butter man: "Now, seed
Ben's wife come over the hill, hall a
mile south of my house, on her little
mare Kitty, and begun to perform some
queer abolutions. After she'd got over
the brow o. the hill she paced up an
down the road for time; then she nd
up and looked over the ridge for awhile
After lookin' bit she turned about and
rid up and down the road a few times;
then went up to the brow o. the hill
again. So she kept dom, an once OF
twice she got off and led Kitty up to the
top o the hill,
ssI was puzzled as to whether she was
waitin' for somebody or had lost some
thing while on her way to her fathers
place, some four miles. beyond my house
| was just about to walk out that way
when | seed her wheel Kitty round from
the brow o. the Hill and begin to play
her whip.
I'm half a minute she was flynn past
my place like wild woman. | stood al
my front gate by the roadside, ready tc
holler out at her to know what was up
bat bless YOU she never looked toardt
me. Her eyes seemed sot i'll her head
her face was pale and at every jump she
let into Kitty with whip. swar, hel
ridin'- skirt fairly cracked as she bound
ed past.
ter behind me. Turnin' about, seeC
Ben a-comin' over the pitch of the hill
on his big black boss, like big Conan
che. He was ridin' with loose reins
leanin' away for'ard, and diggin' hi
spurs into his horse like he'd rip his in
sides out.
"He passed by, with hair and coat
tails sailin' back in the wind, and neve
turning his head to right or left.
thought / seed murder in his eye, ter
you, million thoughts went through m,
brain in second. All the stories II
ever heard about jealous husbands anC
insane husbands went through my heaC
in a lump. and do believe ifTd my gun
in my hand I'd have taken a wing-sho
at HIM on suspicion.
g / seed Nell look back once and then
lay the whip on Kitty hottern ever
Ben was gonin' like wind. know'd
Nell was headed for her fathers and
seed plain as day that Ben would gel
her fore she was safe landed.
cat last he was upon her. Lit was then
neck and neck for time, with Ben
he cot it, and the two horses gradually
slowed up till they finally stepped.
mounted my gate-post all ola tremble,
expectin to see somethin' dreadful hap
pen.
"They stopped in the road talkin'
nigh onto half an hour; then l seed Ben
lean over till their two heads come to-
gether.
ssWhat the mischief" says /, "kissin'
instead of KILN. Well, that sort of fracas
gifts me- After the head.bumpin'- the
pair turned about and came slowly jog
gin along back
CAS- they passed Inc / called out to
Ben to know what in the living lingo it
all meant. Ben began to stammer
something, bout half of which never got
through his big beard, when Nell sings
out to me: Only race for kissl' and
giyin' Kitty cut that made her bound
ten feet, she called out to Ben; Come
on! A race to the top of the hill for an
otherl' and away they both went.
''That was five years ago, and | never
knowed the meanin' OF that wild harum-
scarum ride till bout three months ago,
when the story bout the collie medicine
leaked out among the wimmin folks.
For good while after the ride, how
somever, remember of the neighbor
men wonderin' what had come over
Ben that he had shut down on all his
gin all of a.sudden and wouldn't so much
as fake glass O. Oregon cider.
s'To this day no doubt Ben thinks he
had a desperate chase after Nell and a
narrer escape of her gittin' into the
home den long with her big brother.
ner father and his motherin-law; and
Eve never said word to him bout how
she fooled long under the brow o. the
hill"
-H-N~--
TANNING OF THE SEREW.