The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-06-08
WHY WE LAUGH.

The latest agony Is for young lady TO hav,
dog TO match her dress. We'd like TO see
crushed strawberry dog-in fact any kind of
crushed dog.-Loutscitte Argus.
The English jockey, Archer, who is th,
wealthy pet Of Britain, Is now made more IA
nous as the hero of a new comic opera. II.
must be the insatiate archer Of whom the poel
speaks.-LooeU Courier.
"ls the bowling of dog always followed by
death ?" asked little girl of her father. "Nol
always, my dear; sometimes the man thai
shoots at the dog misses him." was the reply
ofthe parent.-Denrer Tribune.
Where do you retreat to in the summer p
asked the old soldier. And the Colonel re-
piled: Retreat! Inever retreat! slway.
advance into the thick fighting. summer In
New jersey boarding house" - Boston
Post.
NO." said Philadelphia philanthropist
81 cared nothing about the swindle; only
sued The man as an act of charity. There are
$1,000 lawyers in the United States, and no,
work enough for half of hem."-Philadel.
phia Ne,cs.
The War Department recently advertised
for proposals TO furnish the army with 5000
scrubbing brushes. An army armed with
scruboiug brushes would certainly send q
thrill of terror through the enemy.-Norris-
to,rn Herald.
They were Boosting about ancestry. "My
forefathers," said John, came ever from En-
gland on the Mayfower." Sand my ANCESTRY"
said Pat, "kim over from Queenstown on the
Sunaower. It's aesthetic am, begorra !"-
LO,ceU Courier.
An exchange says: "a Mississippi dog bit
of boys nose and swallowed It," This
shows the thoughtfulness-e Of the dog. If he
had swaliswed the moss without biting 1t of,
IL must have proved fasal to the boy.-Pitts
burg Commercial.
A paragraph is going the rounds of the press
to the effect that Mr.. Gould IL having lot Of
saints aud angels painted for his tomb. This
Is q mistake. The artist has been given an Or
der To paint . life-size representation of Q
camel passing through the eye of needle
N. Y. World.
The stage beard looks as much like beard
that grew there ss cows tail would If tied to
the bronze dog on the front porch. When you
tie heavy black beard on Q young actor whose
whole ssul would be churred up If he smoked
afull-feged cigar, he looks about as savage a.
bo lofmush and milk struck with club
Montana Gazette.
Agentleman who met Senator Hoar of Mas
sachusetLs, recently, told him thai some BOs-
ton clergymen had conceived The idea Of set
ting apart day to offer up prayers for The con-
version of Ben Butler, "Ifyou have any in
fuence with them," said the Senator excited
ly, spray exert II to prevent the consummation
of their purpose. want TO 60 TO Heaven my
self"
Col. James Otis, the elevator manufacturer,
Is haunted by his unavoidable killing of
Confederate soldier during the war when he
was Colonel ofcavalry. The incident, as he
describes IL, was as follows: "a Confederate
chased me twenty-five miles and fell dead
from sheer exhaustion. have greatly regret
ted it ever since, but it could not be helped at
the time. -ls+a% a-.-a -r.t.
Oscar Wilde Is in favor of giving ones wife
q name eslhetically suggestive of her hus-
bands business. Agood plan. A chemists
wife would De then Ann Eliza; furniture
dealers, Sophia; farmers, Tilly; fisher
mans, Nettie; atonsorial artists, Barbara;
q pawnbroker's, Ju liza; q burglars, Kitty;
all attorneys, Laura; q barkeeper's, Gin
evra; and an editors, Rit-a.-Pittsb1trg Tel