The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-03
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A cruel husband calls his wife
"green fruit" because she never agrees
with him.
Advice for the season: Keep a dog
chained up and he will not run mad
n. o. hcayune.
You can't make the fellow with 8
lot of sisters believe that happiness is
merely relative matter. At all event:
he goes to some other fellows relatives
to find it.
Some one says: mo Thoroughly
occupied man was ever miserable. "
How about the man occupied in fight
ing dozen hornets which have got up
his trousers?-Boston Post.
AS he passed COW in the road
Sheriff Nickel, of Lincoln County,
Miss, said "ShOor' but she evidently
thought he was High Sheriff, for she
tossed him at least twenty feet up in the
air.
Puck says that the only safe way tc
wash mule is to stand on the other
side of the fence and use garden hose.
But as we are not in the business OF
washing mules we don't feel much in
terest in the Internationally Y
Mail.
Dude: We do not think that COM
planning to the police will do any good
The best way is to be careful hereafter
not to stand in front of clothing store
or, if obliged to. while waiting for = ear,
keep moving little. Then people won't
turn you around to look for price marks.
Chicago Times.
A Los Angeles rancher has raised
a pumpkin so large that his two chill
dren use half each tor cradle. This
may seem very wonderful in the rural
districts, but in this city three or fom
full-grown policemen have been found
asleep on a single beat.-San FraaciScC
Post.
-.'Where should l wear an engage
ment ring?' Wear it on the second
finger of the right hand if everything is
open and above board; but if you do not
want any one to know of the engage
ment we would advise you to wear it in
the right hand corner of an old striped
stocking in the bottom of the bureau
drawer Chicago Herald.
The literature of advertisements is
sometimes as comical as the funniest
savings of the funniest men. In the Far
West man advertises for woman ..t0
wash, iron and milk one or two cows"
To wash cow occasionally may not
be entirely out of place, though in the
east we wash the milk instead of the
COW, because it is an easy way of ac-
accomplishing the desired result; but to
iron cow seems preposterous even for
the enterprising West.-N. Y. Herald.
Ancient history of baseball: We
read a great deal at present about the
first-base man, second-base man and
third-base man, and also of the short
stop man, and it occurs to US that Cain
was probably the original first-base
man. Judas Iscariot second and Nero
third. while the wandering Jew may be
regarded as the original short-stop, for
he never made anything but short
stop wherever he went. Noah was
probably the first pitcher, for he pitched
the ark within and without.-Bostoa
Transcript.
The good folk who have gone into
the country for quiet and rest ana to
get rid of the annoyances of city kfe
will read the following sad lines with
tears of sympathy: Dot musquitter vas
a grade pird. He vas vun of dose pc
cooliar gases dot ven you got him he
don't vas dere. Id vas always youst the
same way. When you shlap him You al
ways shtrike de blaze dot he vas youst
left already. He vas got fine voice
doc, und vhenhe sings you some leedle
songs YOU don't could vent to shleep
right away for more as acouple o. hours
already.--M Y. Graphic.