davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
HUMOROUS.

The stranger oarelessly tucked away
in his vest pocket the change OF $5
note that u Brooklyn bartender handed
to him after serving warm drink,
There was nothing strange in that, but
subsequently, the bartender SAID to the
bystanders:
II have made customer of that
man. How ? Why, as easy as rolling
Oft log. 1 have given him tifty-oent
piece with hole in it. He'll come in
tomorrow when he's going by, politely
call for drink, inform me in the kind
est manner that have unintentionally
put in on him fifty-cent piece with O
hole in it. To all of which will reply
good-naturedly that am really sorry,
and ask the man to take drink with
me. We are both feeling quite satisfied
with each other, and there is no refus-
ing. "reminiscences follow. The man
spends three or four half dollars with
me and then leaves, saying I am Jolly
good fellow. I buve bought all the
perforated CONS that can lay my hands
ON. Business has increased thirty per
cent. this week."
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

INFoRMATIoN wanted: ''Look here,''
said the Governor to q high State oific-
ial, "when are you going to pay me
that ten dollars?" "Upon my honor,
Governor, don't know" "Wby, sir,
the other day, when | mentioned the
fact Of yourlndebtedness, you asked me
where I would be Tuesday" eyes,
SIR" "Wen, wasn't that a promise that
you would pay me Tuesday ?" ''No, sir. y
"Why, then, did you want to know
where I.would be Tuesday?" "Beoause
I wanted to know where you'd be so l
could make arrangements to be some
where else.:'x.> ...t
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

Two hundred thousand people are
asked to contribute niokle apiece to
build q church in Texas. It should be
called the church of st. Niokle-us, and
when it is in operation it is to be hoped
the old Nickle have less to do in Texas.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

*"'Men condemn in others what they
pracLice themselves. Those who prac-
tice the use Of Kidney Wort never con-
demn It's use by Others, but commend 1t to
all affected with piles, dyspepsia, .consti-
patton and all other diseases resulting from
a disorderetl state Of kidneys, liver or bow
els.
"a" Diamond dyes are so perfect and so
beautiful that it is pleasure to use them.
Equally good for dark or light colors. 10
cents.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
Lost Faith fO Phya{c}nNu

why Ia 1t that 30 many persons proprietary medi
cines. or patent medicines. as thoy commonly
calledS Is It because peop" lose faith IN physciansY
There are inst where have been
effected by scoyis sarsaparilla or Blood and Liver
Syrup FOR all diseases of the blood whom they had been
given over by their physclans 1t is OF the best
remedies ever offered to tho pablo and It Is pre-
pared with tho greatest care as a spsciGc for certain
diseases 1t Is wonder that should be more efecual
ta hastily written and carcessly prepared prescrip.
tons made by incompetent physicans. Take Scovills
Blood and ver Syrup for all disorders arising from
impure blood It is indorsed by leading professional
men as we'll as by eminent physicians and others
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

Mensman's Peptonized beef tonic. tho
only preparation of beef containing It's en-
tire nutritious properties. 1t contalua
blood-making, force generasing and life
sustaining properties; invaluable for indi-
gestion, dyspepsia nervous prostration, and
all forms of general debility; also, IN all
enfeebled conditions, whether the result of
exhaustion, nervous prostraAon, overwork
or acute disease, particularly If resulting
II ON pulmonary complaints. Casweli,
Hazard g Co., proprietors, New York.
Sold by all druggists.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
a FACE that grows: The following

A FACE that grows: The following is
a mot credited to one of the recent Gov
ernors of Maryland: "What remarka-
ble ugly man AR. Blank is" said he to
n pretty and tender-hearted young lady.
"Ah, - replied she, depz coatingly, "but
he has n face that grows on you. )"
"Hum - responded the Governor,
"God forbid, madam, that it should
ever grow on me-"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

The Frederickto,a (NeaU BrunsaOsck,
Can. Reporter says: "Nobody can but
admire the persistent enterprise manifest
ed by the owners of st. Jacobs OIL IN keep.
Ing the name before the public. 1t receiv-
cd big send off in the House the other
day by the Hon. MIR. Perley, who warned
his colleagues In the Government of the
danger of Bear Killers receiving two boun-
ties for one nose; the judlcious use of tho
Oil causing rapid growth"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

If were GIRL" says New Eng
land clergyman, 81 would not parade
too rnuch in public places" or course
he would not. He would SWING on the
front gate and watch the young fellows
IN the nelghborhood do the paradinQ.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
On Thirty Days' Trial.

The Vol'aic Belt Co., Marshall, Mich,
will send DR.. Dyes Celebrated Electro
Voltaic Belts and Electric Appliances on
trial for thirty days to men (young Or oldD
who are afflicted with nervous debility,
lost vitality and kindred troubles, guaran-
tee,ng speedy aud complete restoration OF
health and manly vIgor.-Address as
abovc.-N. B.-No risk is incurred, as
thirty days Irlal Is allowed
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

THE well-known Henry Ersltine onco
met al acquaintance, barrister, who
dealt III hard words and circumlocution-
al sentences. Percelving that bis ank-
les were tied up with silk handker-
chief, Erskine asked the cause. "Why,
my dear sir" answered the wordy law
yer, II was taking romantic ramble in
my brothers grounds, when, coming to
a gate, had to climb over it, by which
L came in contact with the first bar,
and have grazed the epidermis of the
skin, the accident being attended with
q slight extravasaion of blood" "You
may thank your lucky stars" replied
Erskine, "that your brothers gate
was not so lofty rs your style, or you
must have broken your neck"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

mo lady of refinement likes to resort to
superficial devices to supply u becoming
semblance of her former beauty 1t as
heath alone that kindtes the fire that
lights lie oottiste,suisce ana brings oacE
the fresh ti,,ts of the apple blossoms to
the .fuded cheek. If anything on earth
will do this it is Mrs. Lydia f. Plpkham, g
Vegetable Compound whicn has already
brought health 10 multitudes with whom
all other means had failed.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

We can insure any person having bald
head or troubled with dandruff, that Car
boline. deodorlzed extract of petroleum,
will do all that Is claimed for 1t. 1t will
not strain the most delicate fabric and Ia
delightfully."- perfumed.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

The duty Of iumigatlng green houses is
one of such nh unpleasant character that it
IL often rcP lcctcd, to the injury of the
plants. French hortculturlst has made
discovery winch will render it unncccs-
sarY to use smoke for the purpose. lie
finds That the vapor from boiling tobacco
juice is as ctlicaclous a3 are the fumes of
the burning weed. The method adopted
Is simply to mix small quantity of JUICE
In the water and cvapOrato the whole. The
Vapor, II ie said, kills all insects IN the
house. Could not the same plan be adol =
ted against house flies and n,osHui!ocf2 Its
Recommendation wolld be IT'S chtapness,
Tor the juic, could be expressed fiom the
refuse tobacco which Is now thrown away
at the factories.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

1APoRTANoH of the Legislature:
"Cheer up, Don," said venerable head
of the house, pussing the bottle of Mon
ongaheIa to his Respondent son. "Fath-
er," returned The Senator, 't1ere isn't
O cheer in me. We've even lost the
Legislature. "But why do you lay
any stress on the ioss of the Eegislature?''
Because" replied Don, "I had inten-
ded to petition it to change my name."
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

EASILY PRovEN.-It is easily proven
that malarial fevers. constipation, torpidi-
ty of the liver and kidneys, general debil-
lty, nervousness, and neuralgia ailments
yield readily to this great disease conquer
or, Hop Bitters. 1t repairs the ravages Of
disease by converting the food into rich
blood, and it gives life and vigor to the
aged and lnfirm always.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

A YOUNG man who undertook to trace
his family back two centuries, struck the
penltentiary before he had exhausted
century, and concluded to stop. He
feared he would collide with a gallows
before 1eacning the objective point,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

AN item for the household says: eff
the water in which new cabbage is
boiled is changed once or twice, it is
less likely to be indigestible. Perhaps
it is; and persons who are In the habit
of drinking water in which new cabbage
has been boiled should heed the sug-
gestion; but as long as water is 30
cheap we shall continue to take ours
raw,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

A BEAUT1Tuh standing screen is made
OF crimson boiling muslin, upon which
II landscape design is worked in differ
ent shades OF green filoselle in long
straight stitches. 1t is mounted IN q
square frame OF antique brass, hammer
ed in relief
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

A REVEREND doctor of Louisville has
refused to allow the ladies' of his con.
gregation to prenoh from the pulpit in
the conduct Of their church work. Con-
sidering the general average of minis
tors these days, we don't believe right
minded women want to preach III their
DulDits
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

*+*'Too late to whet the sword when
the trumpet sounds to draw it," But
never too late to whet your appetite by
taking Kidney Wort, restoring health and
making yourself well, strong, hearty
man. 1t is unequalled as remedy for all
liver, bowels and kidney diseases. All
druggists keep and recommend it.
BfD- Hoods, scarfs, ribbons and any
fancy articles can be made. any col or
wanted with the Diamond Dyes. All the
popular colors.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

CuRJsAN hearing that stingy and rlov-
enly barrister had started for the Con-
tinent with shirt and guinea,
observed, "He'll not change either till
he comes back" Somebody told Our
ran during his last illness that he SEEM
ed to cough with more difficulty than
Oh the previous day. "Do II" said
Curran; "that's odd enough. I've been
practising all night"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

He has dropped the lodge dodge for
the present. He stays out O. nights
now to 500 tho comet, and she thinks it
is better for his health than to be
grooming n goat in room where even
the air isn't admitted without the pass
word.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

A NEW ground for divorce has been
discovered in kentucky, whore an es-
thetic female accuses her husband Of
"impressibility Of soul affinity" The
poor woman ought to take him to doctor
nnd get linn mended,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

"WHAT do you think I had better
preach about?" asked the new minister,
and the old deacon scratched his head
and replied: "Waal, if you preach
about twenty minutes think you'll
tech our people jest right"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

A CERTAIN reverend drone preaching
worry dull sermon to q congregation
not used to him, many of them left the
church before the sermon WAS near ell
ded. "Tuly." said gentleman pres
ont, this learned divine has made
q very moving discourse"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

AUSTRALIA presents the strange anomaly
OF choice breeding rams selling d, $1,000 to
$4,000 per head while mutton Is worth o.
@8 cents per pound. There Is evidently
a wider gap over there between the appro-
citation OF wool and that of mutton than
wSnld seem TO bc reasonable or warranted.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

SEVERE punishment: A Montana won.
an sued for a divorce because her hus-
band kissed the servant girl. "You
want this man punished ?" asked the
Judge, "I do" said she. s'1hen, "
said the judge, 'T shall not divorce you
from him"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

TO draw a load on a sand road requires
power equal to one fifth tho weight OF
the load, an ordinary earth or dirt road re-
duces this, approximately, one ha.f, while
clay bed road again reduces half, good
cobbles require a thirtleth equivalent, while
American Belgian blocks necessitatc a
fortioth. Asphalt Is calculated as reauir-
ing one hundred and fortieth, while the
leverage oman ordluary railroad ls but ono
two hnndredth." Reducing this to practl-
cal horse power, ono horse, on an ordinary
rail. can draw wagon weight that would
require the power of,lwonty horses over a
common dirt road and OF forty through a
Jerscy sand path. This simple proportion
as a valuable guide III close loading"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
HAYRsviILE, ONO, Feb. II, 1880.

HAYRsviLLE, ONO, Feb. II, 1880.
l am very glad to say have tried Hop
Bltters, and never took anything that did
me as much good. only took two bottles
and would not take 800 for the good
they did me. recommend them to my
patients, and get the best results from
their use, @. Il. MERCER, NJ. D,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

TEE sad suicide of an Arkansas preach
or who had devoted himself principally
to politics would seem to be q valuable
lesson 10 ministers Of the gospel who
want to run the primaries and boss the
machine,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

A SOUTHERN exchange gives plan for
counting sheep somewhat as follows: The
sheep arc allowed TO run through a narrow
chute; the counter. stands where he can
check the run of sheep, and has string of
tightly-fltting leather buttons. all at one
enc; as fast as 100 sheep pass, a button Is
moved to tho other end. ..
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

VKGETINE Ia the great health restorer-
composed exclusively of larks, roots and
herbs. 1t is very pleasant to take; every
child lik s IL.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

A MISTAKE merely; Lord Shelburne
could say the most provoking things,
and seem quite unconcious of their be-
ing 80. In one Of his speeches, alluding
to Lord Carlisle, he said: "The noble
lord has written comedy" "No. q
tragedy" interrupted Lord Carlisle.
30, beg pardon; 1 thought it was a
comedy"
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

We recently overheard a sufferer from Nervous
Debility say Of Aliens Brain Foed: ut is
Meat, Drink, Lodging, and weeks washing
thrown in." AT druggists aud at Aliens Pharma-
cy, 3l5 First ave-, N. Y.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

"What Is heavens best gift to manP"
she asked, sweetly smiling on him, CDR.
Bull's Cough Syrup" he replied with pru-
dence, He had just been cured by it Of q
bad cold.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

DR.. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer is tho
ITS Iits stopped free. Send to 99l Arch street.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
LYDIA e. PaMKHAM'&
Is q Positive Cure
VEGETABLE COMPOUND.


Tor all those Painful Complaints and Wcpkncssct
aocOnnon to our best female population.
It will cure entirely tho worst form of Female com.
plants. Ill ovarian troubles, Inflammation UlccIu
tion. Falling and Dspacelntnts, ond the consequent
Spinal Weakness and Il particularly adapted to tho
change OF Life.
1t will dissolve and cxpcl tumors from tho uterus III
an early stage Of development. The tendency to can.
corous hnmos there very spec iy by its lso
1t removes faintncss atu,ncy, destroys I'LL craving
for stiinulants and relieves weakness Of tho
It cures Bloating, Headaches Nervous rrostraton,
General Debility, seeplessncss Depression and Indt
gcstion.
That feeling OF bearing down. causing pain, weight
and backache, Is always permanently cured by its
1t Will ut oil times and under all In
harmony with the laws that govern the system.
For the euro OF Kidney Complaints Of sex this
Compound is unsurpassed.
LYDIA +. PINKHAMS VEGETABLE COM.
POUND Is prepared at 23 and 235 Western Avenue,
Lynn, Mass. Price 81. Six bottles S. by mail
In the form of pills, also In the form Of loxcngcs
receipt of price, 81 per box for either Mrs. Pinkha
freely answers all letters OF inquiry Send for pampl
let. Address as above. Mention tiiiS paper.
No family should no without LYDIA +. rINKIIAM'S
LIVER TIILS. They constipation, biliousiesi
and torplditY Of the liyor. - cents per box.
E2- Sold o.: uIl rr,,sl-ists. "a
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

Qf hundred peas preserved IN the free
ar by Mcssrs. Van Tleghem, and Gaston
Bonner ninety aftcrward terminated: of a
hundred lnclosed with air in sealed tube
only forty y.five, while of like lot kept in
caibonlc acid gas rome grew. Similar re-
suits were obtained with other seeds, show
ing clearly that all seeds should be stored
where pure air may have access to them.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

DO not forget that swalcs, Swanps and
any wet land with hard pan near the sur
face pays very small interest, II any, III
their present condition. If drained three
feet deep with tile they will pay a very
large int ercal on the original cost. and on
the drainage besides. it Is not unusual
70 get back the cost OF drainage in Q crops
after the tiloS arc laid Where tiles cnn
ne had near, ior ut Il cost for freight not
exceeding their price at the kiln. 1t ls
cheaper to drain with tile than with stone.
If these arc not available and stones are
upon the ground, use these. Drciniug will
open anew would TO the farmer who has
never tried it. Put down the s'crockcry"
this fall ard make your capital in land
draw Il good interest.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

That Husband OF Nine
Is three times The man he was before he beRan
using MeilS' Health Rencwer. ST. Drugp ats
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
Vegetine.

CAYsa Boston physician, "has no equal ~
- blood purifier. Hearing of It's many wonderful
cures after all other remedies had failed, visited
e
which is effective, ard they are compounded In
such manner asst produce astonishing results"
Vegetine
Il the great Blood-Purlner.
Vegetine
Wll.oure the-worst CASE of sorofula.
Vegetine
q recommended by pnyslcians and apothecaries.
Vegetine
Hss effected some marvellous cures in cases Of
Vegetine
Cures the worst cases of oanker.
Vegetine
VIII eradicate Salt Rheum from the system.
Vegetine
Removes Pimples and Humors from tho facs.
Vegetine
II tho great remedy for General Debility.
Vegetine
q acknowledged by all classes Of people to b the
best and most reliable blood puri-
der In the world.
Physicians md Apothecaries speak.
THOUSANDS speak. VEGErINR Is acknowledged
and recommended by physicians and apOhecaries
to be the best purifier and cleanser OF the blood
yet discovered, and thousands speak III Ito praise
who have been restored to health.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

Ladies and chlldrcn's boots and shoes
cannot run over If Lyons Patent Heel
Stiffeners are used
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

For Thick Heads,
. i msaVy sloinachs, bilious conditions May
Apple fiiis'-atiti-Diltous, cathartc. 10 and 26c ,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

--Boston. ladies 60 to the theatre
male escorts.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

fpR fEss X KNAPP. OF the Iowa Agri-
cultural College, writes, saying that "tak-
ing the best specimens of each breed Of
cattle and carefully comparing them
cannot see for beef purposes. one has
very much advantage over the other.
have sccn Pnllcd Angus hclfors, at Q years
old, weigh 1900 pounds. These we're &C.
.ccted in England end imported. Both
iereforls anu Short-horns have cqualed
It, and / venture the assertion that, If an
equal number OF the best specimens of
those breeds were selected and placed
under the same conditions, there would be
scai ccly any difference in the profit for
beef. There is no sense IN paying 1890
for Pollcd Angus heifer when an equally
good Shorthon con be bought for one
sixth the money.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08
Skinny Men

"WellsIIealth Renewer''rest ores health and vigor
cures Dyspepsia, Impotence, Sexual Debility. 81.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

sUCcRssFCL trult grower thinks that
many apple trees are set too near together;
two rods apart ls near enough. The land
for an orchard hust be kept IN good con-
dltion. He top.dresses his orchard once
In three years, principally with a thick
coating OF straw. Hc allows hogs to run
IN his orchard, and 'plows tho land until
the trees are 80 large as to intcl fcre with
such practice. Last year he picked As
barrels OF G1ccniDgs from four trees. Or
chards thrive best near bodies of water.
Trees should be judiciously trimmed while
young. Many trees are injured by over.
pruning. Trees should be grated when
they are from one inch TO one and one.
half inches in diameter.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

"o>RN of wheat" Is a little thing, but
marvciously complex. Through the CEN
trc OF the kernel lnns groove, 60 that a
horizontal section is heart shaped. Under
glass we sec that 1t is very composite in
structure. The outside layer ur cuticle,
which forms the bran, Is comp :scd mainly
Of slick, the mineral base OF sand, which
by means of the potash in the soil is made
soluble. and is carried by the little veins
OF the wheat plant and deposited with the
woody tissue. The nutrImcnt in this tll-
pie coat is not dlgcslblc by the human
stomach, but Is excellent fer catt,e. The
layer next the inside this IS styled gluten.
This is complex substance and in the
highest degree nutritious, especially to the
muscular tissues of man.
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

AN illinois horticulturst has construct.
Cd fruit house, which is to be protcc-
uon alike from summers heat aud winter 8
cold. Two lews of po ts are set in the
around, two and half feet apart, boarded
up inside and out and the intervening
space h'lcd up with straw, packed IN as
closely as possible. Two sets of raflers
are put on, the upper set three feet above
the lower, which are boarded on upper
sides and the space closely packed with
straw,aitcr which cheap board is put on,
On'the llth Of last August, with the tenn
peraturc % deg. in the shades. in 1t was
as cold as an lce-house, and contained
quantity OF apples as sound as when taken
from the trees ten months before,
The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-03-08

TIE tortila ls kind OF bread Used by
the Meas Eve Americans call them May
az), the aboriginal natives OF Yucatan. 1t
Is cake made of crushed corn, which Is first
boiled, then soaked in I've to soften the
husk, then repeatedly washed in water,
with which it Is ground into a paste On
ones, "mctates" which are snld to be the
same as those used IN ancient Egypt. Thin,
circular cakes, about SIX inches III dame
ter, are made Of this paste, about one
eighth OF all inch thick, and baked, or
rather cheated through,' on an iron slab,
and they are eaten with ground chill pods
or red peppers. 1t Is interesting to know
that the people who eat this kind of bread
men and women, are exceedingly clean III
their habits and amazingly honest. They
arc said 10 be quick TO learn.