The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1883-01-21
-e's------------
That Bad Milwaukee Hoy,

"What is that stun on your shirt bosom.
that looks like soap grease9 said the gtocery man
ing after Christmas
The boy looked at his shirt front, put his fingers on
80, that is nothing bit little OF the turkey dressing
and gravy. Ion see after and got back from the
rollef-skatlng link yesterday pa was all broke up
aud he couldn't carve the turkey, and had to do IT,
and pa sat In stuffed chair with his head tied np,
and pillow amongst his legs, and he kept compa
Ing that | didn't do 1t right. Col darn a turkey
any way. should think they would make turkey
HAT on the back. so he would lay greasy platter
without skating all around the table 1t looks so
easy to soc pa carve turkey, but when speared into
the bosom OF that turkey and began on It, tile
turkey rolled around though IL was castors and
1t was all could do TO keep 1t out Of mas lap But
rasseed with 1t TIL got of enough white meat for
pa and ma aud dark meat enough for me, and dug
out the dressing, but most of 1t flew into my shirt
bosom, cause the string that tied the place whe
the dressing was concealed about the person OF the
turkey broke prematnrely, and oyster hit pa In
the eye, and he said was as awkward as cross eyed
girltrying to kiss man with hair lip. IT I ever
get to be head OF family shall carve turkeys with
corn-sheller.' ~
' But what broke your pa UP at tho roller skating
rink S' asked the grocery
''oh, everything broke him up. lIc Is split up 70
ma butiens the top of his pants to his colarbutton,
like bicycle rider. Well he business to have
told me and my chum that he used TO be tho best
skater In North America when he was boy. lie
said he skated once from Albany 10 New York ia an
hour aud eighty minutes. Me and my chum thought
VI pa was such terror 0n skates we would get him
to put ona pair of rolcr-skates and enter him the
great unknown and clean out the whole gang.
We told pa that he must remember that roller skates
were different from ice-skaies and that maybe lie
couldn skate on them but he said 1t didn't make
any difference what they were AS long as they were
skates and lie would Just paralyze the whole crowd.
SO We got u pair of big roller skates for him, and
while we were strappng them on pa be looked at tho
skaters glide around on the smooth waxed floor Just
as though they were creased Pa looked mt the
skates on his feet after they fastened, sort OF
forlOrn like, the way horse thief does when they
put sliackles ON his legs, aud told him II he was
afraid he couldn't skate with them we would take
hn hn lant ,,,.l,,, H..
there or bust suspender. Then we Strengthened
pa up and pointed him toward the middle of the
room, and he said 'leggo, and Just give him a
little push to start him. aud he began to go. Well,
by gosh, you'd dido to have seen pa try to stop.
You see, you can't stick in your keel and
stop like you can on ce.skatcs, and pa soon
found that out, and he began TO turn side
ways. and then he threw up his arms and walked
on his heels and he lost his hat, his eyes began
TO stick out, cause he was going right toward an iron
post. One arm caught the post and he clrcled around
It few times, and then he let go and began fall
and, SIR lie Kept falling all across tho room, and
everybody got out of the way, except a girl and pa
grabbed her by the polonaise, like drowning man
grabs at straws though there WASN'T any straws In
her poonase as know OF, but pa Just pulled her
along rs though SHE done up In a shawl-strap and
his feet went out from under him aud he struck
on ms shoulders and kept a-golng, with the girl
dragging along like a bundle of clothes. II pa had
bad another pair OF rocr-skaes his shoulders and
casters his ears he c0udn' have slid along any
better. Pa is n short big man. and as he was rolling
along on his back he looked like sofa with castOrs on
being pushed across the room by girl. Finally
right across him. with her roller-skates IN his neck,
and she called him an old brute, and told him IL hc
didn't let go OF her polonase she would murder him.
Just then my chnm and me got there, and we ampu-
tated pa from the girl and lifted him mp, aud told
him for heaven'ssake to let MS take OF his skates,
cause he couldn't skate any more than cow, and pa
was mad and said for us to let him alone and he could
skate al right and we let and he struck again.
Well, sir, was ashamed. An old man like ma ought
to know better than to try to be boy.
pa said he was going TO spread himself and II am any
Judge OF big spread, he did spread himself. Some
FnaIn nd Iau
feet and his feet got to going In different directions
and pas feet were getting so far apart that was
AFRAID would have two pas, half the Size with one
leg apiece. tried TO get him to take IN q collection
OF his legs and get them both In the same ward hut
his arms flew around and Ole hit the nose, and
thonght " he wanted To strike the hest friend he
had he could run his legs hisseIf. When he began
to separate could hear the bones crack but maybe
II was his pants, hut anyway lie came down on the
floor like of those fellows In circus who spreads
himself, and he kept going. and finally he surrounded
an iron post with legs, and stopped; and he looked
pale, and the proprietor OF the rink told pa II he
wanted to give hyiDgtrapeze performance lie would
have to GO TO the gymnasium and he couldn't skate
afraid OF him. Then pa said he would kick the liver
out OF the proprietor OF the rink and he rot IN and
steaded himself. and then he tried To kick the man.
nut DOlh heels went up 10 wOnct, and turned back
snmmersaut and struck high on his vest in front
guess knocked the breath out OF him, for he didn
speak for a few minutes, ana then he wanted TO 20
home, aud We put him In street car, and he
laid down ON the hay and rode home. oh, the
work we had to get pas clothes OIL lie had crlcks
IN MS hack, aud everywhere, and ma was away tO
one Of the neighbOrs to look at the presents and
had TO put liniment on pa, aud made mistake and
got bottle OF furniture polish, and put 1t pa aud
rubbed II IN, aud when ma came home pa smelled
like CONN at charity funeral, aud ina said there
was no way Of getting that yarnlsh OH Of ma I'm IL
wore OF. ia says holidays are q condemned nut
sance any way. lie VIII have to stay In he house all
| this week. -
lyon arc pretty rough ON the old man. - said the
grocery man, after ho has been Kind 10 you ana
| given you nice presents. ~
mice presents nuthln, Al got wasa Christmas
card, with brindle fringe, from ma, aud pa gave ms
pair OF his old Slspendcrs, and calendar with
notices for every MONTH some quotations from Scrln-
| ture, such as honor thy father and mother aud
'eyll communications corrupt two In q BUSH aud
bird In the hand beats two pair. Such thing don
| help boy to be good. What a boy wants Is club.
skates, aud seYen-shot revOlyeTs aud such things
Nel' must go and help pa roll over In bod aud put
ON new porous plaster. GOod-bye. N-P6ck'S Sun.