New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-14
WIT AND HUMoR.
''Her foot is a poem," the lover said;
"a melOdious rythm is her tread"

The song of the bricklayer-"Still
there's mortar follow"
An anonymous article-a baby before
it is christened.
What ought to go together?-A tur-
nip watch and an eighteen carat gold
chain.
A man never knows what genuine
poverty is until he has to shave with soft
soap.
It is said that Michigan women get
married just SO as to keep q man about
the house to scare away tramps.
Bismarck is said to look like dollar
store when he gets all his decorations
on.
The King OF Burmah has four Queens
and Gen. Schenck considers him on the
road to prosperity.
The bonds of public official are al
ways good until they are wanted in
court, and then they are good for moth
ing.
What is the difference between a glass
half full of water and broken engage
ment? One is not filled full and the 9TH
or is not fulfilled.
''Never kiss anybody on the mouth, y
says DR.. Hall, "unless you are reckless
of consequences" Young people are
naturally reckless.-LoweU Citizen.
'Why are so many classic concert
pieces called 'polonaises' on the pro-
gramme?'' inquiries Edith. Because
they are quite long and generally drag.
The Princess Louise travels with
siXty-fve pieces of baggage and she has
no Gebhardt to get it checked, poor
thing.
Practice makes perfect. True, but q
man can continue to drop a hot horse
shoe as readily the first time trying as
the second.
Sat last I know there is such a thing
as cold snap" remarked the burglar
to the sheriff, as he clapped the steel
shackles on the shekel stealer.
We do not care whether the French
Danish Prince Napoleon or not AS he
knows no English he can't come over
here and lecture.
Liberalism is creeping into all the
churches; but the poor preachers notice
that it has not yet struck the contribu-
ton box.
It is said to require 1000, 900 to take
care of the egg business of this country.
Verify, the hatchways of the ship of state
need many repairs.
The tobacco Waltz and the ''Ciga1
Quadrille'' are two new dances lately
invented in Middle Tennessee. One
must be up to snuff to follow the piper
who provides the music for them.
The meanest slight girl can put up.
on an admirer is touse postal card in
refusing an offer of marriage. Improves
that she doesn't actually care two cents
for him.
cit is ole sayin' dat one bird in de
ham is with two in de bush,'' says Un.
Gle Nose. lit may be with more ter DE-
man, but it amt with half as much te,
de Bird
A Norwalk girl hangs up the follow
ing Illuminated motto in the back parlo1
close to the sofa: ''E plus I bus, yum.
yum" And the young man sighs 'sun
Moribus'
We are offering a chrome to any one
who will bring to this office pretty
young woman, with dimples, who will
not chew her under lip, as she goes
along the street, to make them show.
A Tennessee girl is suffering from by.
drophobia produced by the bite of E
squirrel. That's what girl gets TO,
fooling with squirrel when there AZ.
so many desirable young men handy.
"What are you always thinking about
1da?' II am always thinking abou'
nothing, auntie. / never think abom
anything, unless I happen to think abom
something to think about
''Pa, is it right to call man born il
Poland Pole?'' ''Of course, my child
"Well, then, if man is born in Hol-
land is he Hole?'' 'Tut, tut! I'll an
swer no more Of your silly questions!'
Two little girls were comparing pro-
gress in catechism study. 81 have got
to original SIM" said one. GLOW lar
have you got?' "Oh, I'm beyond re-
demption," said the other.
Husband G a. m. after a curtain lee
ture)-'Well, all I've got to say is, if
you are person of such refinement and
good breeding, you ought to be above
talking to drunken fellow at this time
OF the night
Jones asked his wife: "Why is a hus-
band like dough?' He expected she
would give it up, and was going to tell
her 1t was because woman needs him;
but she said it was because he was hard
to get off her hands.
We have heard of a truly happy hunt
lng-ground for superhuous mashers.-
In Peru girls come out at the age of
seven, and get married at ten years
old. Their children are called decimal
fractions.
Young Lady-'Isn't this child little
Frenchman?" Nurse-"I cannot tell;
the father is German, the mother
French. - Young Lady-'.Ah, then we
shall not be able to find out until the
little fellow can speak.
Say, remarked q spotter to a com
mercial traveller, 'syou fellows carry lots
OF check, whatever else you may have"
.'Pshaw" replied the pilgrim, eve on
~ carry samples-you ought to see our
stock.'
some men are ever ready to offer
a remedy for everything. The other
""S We ASiii'u Acu " one Oh GleSe AMI
mated apothecary shops: IAN idea
struck us yesterday and before we
could finish he advised us: Grub the af-
fected parts with arnica!''
The proprietor of one Albany hotel
has placed in every room in his house a
knotted rope long enough to reach the
ground, and fastened one end of it to
staple in the door. There is now no
reason why any good circus actor should {
not feel quite safe in that hotel.
'sYoung men," said tiresome and
Instructive old muff to group of APP
prentices, ''young men should begin at
the bottom of their business and work
up" II can't responded one of them.
why not?" asked the old muff. ssBe-
cause l am q well-digger, answered
the apprentice.