Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-02-17
HIS PA GOES CALLING.

he would drink nothing, but he did. |
He was full the third place he went
to. O, so full Some men can get
full and not show it, but when pa gets
full, he gets SO full his back teeth
float. and the liquor crowds his eyes
out. and his mouth gets loose and
wigqles all over his face, and he
laughs all the time, and the perspira
ton lust oozes out of him, and his
face gets red, and he walks so wide.
Ma wanted my chum and me to fol
low pa and bring him home, and
about dark we found him. in the door
yard of a house whore they have
statues in front of the house, and he
grabbed me by the arm, and mistook
me for another caller, and insisted on
introducing me to marble statue
without any clothes on. He said it
was a friend Of his, and it was
winter picnic. He hung his hat on
an evergreen, and put his overcoat on
the iron fence, and was so mortified
l almost cried. My chum said If his
pa made such circus of himself he
would sard bag him. That gave me
an idea, and when we got pa almost
home 1 went and got a paper box
covered with red paper, so it looked
lust like brick, and bottle of
tomato ketchup, and when we got pa
up on the steps at home l hit him
with the paper brick, and my chum
souirted the ketchup on his head, and
we demanded his money, and then
he yelled murder, and we lit out, and
ma and the minister, who was making
call on her, all the afternoon, they
came to the door and pulled pa in.
He said he had been attacked by a
band of robbers, and they knocked
his brains out, but he whipped them,
and then ma saw the ketchup-brains
oozing out of his head, and she
screamed, and the minister said,
Good heavens, he is murdered and
Just then 1 came in the back door and
they sent me after the doctor. and
they put pa on the lounge, and tied
up his head with towel to keep the
brains in. and pa began to snore, and
when the doctor came in it took them
half an hour to wake him, and then
he was awful sick to his stummick.
and ma asked the doctor if he would
live, and the doc analysed the ketchup
and smelled Of it and told ma he
would be all right if he had little
Worcester sauce to put on with the
ketchup, and when he said pa would
pull through, ma looked awful sad.
Then pa opened his eyes and saw the
minister and said that was one of the
robbers that jumped on him, and he
wanted to whip the minister, but the
doc held pas arms and ma sat on his
legs, and the minister said he had
got some other calls to make, and he
wished ma happy new year in the
hall much as fifteen minutes. HIS
happy new year to ma is most as
long as his prayers. Well, we got pa
to bed, and when we undressed him
we found nine napkins in the bosom
of his vest, that he had picked up at
the places where he called. He is all
right this morning, but he says it is
the last time be will drink coffee
when he makes New Years calls"
"Well, then you didn't have much
fun yourself on New Years. That's
too bad,' said the grocery man, as he
looked at the sad eyed youth. "But
you look hard. IF you were old
enough / should say you had been
drunk, your eyes are SO red"
didn't have any fun eh? Well, l
wish 1 had as many dollars as l had
fun. You see, after pa got to sleep
ma wanted me and my chum to go to
the houses that pa had called at and
return the napkins he had klepto-
maniaced, so we dressed up and went
The first house we called at the girls
were sort of demoralized. I don't
know as I ever saw girl drunk, but
those girls acted queer. The callers
had stopped coming, and the girls
were drinking something out of shaw
ing cups that looked like lather, and
they said it was 'aignogg. They
LATED and kicked up their heels wuss
nor a circus, and their collars got
unpinned, and their faces was red,
and they put their arms around me
and my chum and Rugged us and
asked us if we didn't want some of
the custard. You'd q dide to see me
and my chum drink that lather. II
looked just like soap suds with nut
maig in it, but by gosh it got in its
work sudden At first 1 was afraid
when the girls Rugged me, but after
I had drank couple Of shaving cups
full of the aignogg I wasn't afraid no
more, and huggcd girl so hard
she catched her breath and painted
and said %, DON'T Then / kissed
her, and she is great big girl,
bigger'n me, but she didn't care
Say, did you ever kiss a girl full of
aignogg! If you did it would break
up your grocery business. You would
want to waller in bliss, instead of
selling mackerel. But wasn't we sick
when we got out doors. 0, it seemed
as though the pegs in my boots was
the only thing that kept them down.
0, my, but that let's me out on aig-
nogg. I don't know howl got home,
but I got in bed with pa, cause ma
was called away to attend baby
matinee in the night. l had heard
pa blame ma about her cold feet, so
I got piece of ice about as big as a
raisin box, just zackly like one of
mas feet, and 1 laid it right against
the small of pas back. I couldn't
help laffing, but pretty soon pa began
to squirm and he said. 'Why'n ell
don't you warm them feet before you
come to bed,' and then he hauIed