Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-01-20
TWO CIE4E'EE;EsS OE TIE BAD
E1H.
HIS PA MORTIFIED.

HIS "a MOkIli
"What was the health officer doing over
to your house this morning." said the
grocery man to the bad boy, as that youth
was firing frozen potatoes at the man who
collects garbage in the alley.
80, they are searching for sewer gas
and such things, and they have got tpInmb-
ers and other society experts till You
can't rest, and come away for fear they
would find the sewer gas and warm my
Jacket. Say, do you think tits right, when
ANYTHING smells awfully, to always lay
to Il boy"
"WeM. in nine cases out of ten they
would hit it right, bu. what do You think
is the trouble over your house. honest?'
"S-h-h! Now don't breathe i word of
it to Il living soul, or | am dead boy.
You see was over to the dairy fair at the
exposition building Saturday night, and
when they were breaking up, me and my
chum helped to carr boxes of cheese and
firkins of butter, and cheese man gave
each of us Il piece OF limburgcr cheese,
wrapped up in tin foil. Sunday morning
opcned my piece, and it made me tired.
Oh. it was the oiiulc~t smell ever heard
Of, except tie smell when they found Il
tramp who hung himself in the woods on
the Whitcii,h Bay road, and had been
dead three weeks. 1t was just like an old
back number funeral. Pa and ma were
lust getting ready to 90 to church, ana |
cut i piece OF cheese aud put it in the in
side pocket Of pas vest, and put another
in the lining of mas null, and they went
to church. | went down TO church, too,
and sat on back seat with my chum,
looking Just as pious as though l Was
taking UP = collection. The church was
pretty warm, and b. the time they got up
to sing the first hymn pas cheese began
TO smell Il match against mas cheese. Pa
held one side Of tie hymn book and ma
held the other, and pa he always sings
for all ,hat is out, and when he braced
himself and sang Just as ! am,' ma
thought pas voice was tinctured with
bil;ousncss and She looked ut him, and
hunched him and told him to stop sing
ing and breathe through his nose, because
his breath was enough to stop clock. Ia
stopped singing and turned around KIDD
of cross towards ma, aud then he smclled
mas cheese, and he turned his head the
other WAY and said, "whew," and they
didn't sing any moro, but they looked 1T
each other as though they smcllcd frowy.
When they SAT down they sat as far apart
rs they could get, and pa sat next to
woman who used to be Il nurse in hos
pi;al, anG when she smelled pas cheese
she looked ut him as thodgh she lhO1ght
he had the smallpox, and she held her
handkerchief TO his nose. The man in the
other end of the pew, that ma sat near, he
was stranger from Racine, who belongs
T. our church, and he looked at ma sort
Of queer, and after the minister prayed,
and they got up 70 sing again, theman
took his hat and went out, and when he
came By IN he said something in a whis-
per about female .lue factory. Well,
sir, before the sermon was over every body
in that part OF the church had their hand
kerchirfS 10 their noses, and they looked
at pa and ma scauda!ous, and the two US
hers they came around in the pews look
inc Tor a dog. ard when the minister got
over his sermon, and wiped the perspira-
ton of his face, he said he would like TO
have the trustees of the church stay after
meeting, rs there WAS business of impOr-
tarcc to transact. lie said the question
OF proper ventilation and sewerage for the
church would be brought up, and that he
per:umcd the congregation had noticed
tuis morning that the church WAS unu,u-
ally full OF sever gas. He said he had
spoken of the matter before, AMI expect
ed il would be attended TO before this.
He said he was a meek and humble fol-
lower Of the lamb, aud was willing 10 cast
his 10. wherever the Master decided, but
he would be blessed If he would preach
any longer in a church that smelled like
bone boiling establishment. He said
religion was Il good thing, but 40 person
could enjoy religion as well in q fat rend-
Ing es ablishment rs he could in flower
garden. and a. far as he Was concerned he
go. enough. Everybody looked at every
body else, ana pa looked at ma a. though
he &new where the sewer gas came from,
and ma looked ut pa real mad, and me
and my chum lit out, and went home
and distributed M cheese all around. |
put slice in mas bureau drawer, down
under her underclothes, and piece in the
spare room, under the bed, and piece in
the bath room, in the soap dish, and a slice
in the album on the parlor table, ,and piece
in the library in book, and went TO the
dining-room and put some uEder the table,
and dropped piece under The range in the
kitchen. | tell you the house was loaded
for bear.
"Na came home from church first, and
when asked where pa was she said she
hoped he had gone TO walk around block
to air himself. Pa came home to dinner,
and vixen he got srnei: Of the house he