The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-05-25

WHOLE NO. 724
WHY WE LAUGH.
The Weather Bureau Is the storm scenter
Cincinnati Drummer.

The Weather Bureau Is the storm scenter
Cincinnati Drummer.
At this season Of tie year the carpet maj
has the fioor.-Boston Globe.
Puck calls Lydia Pinkham the "yenus d
Medicine" Then is Oscar Wilde the Ap
pallipg de Belvidere.
| A Washington paper says that Dorsey Is
kind man. II so, some other kind of man Il
preferable.-Teras Siftfngs.
"The resurrectionists" Is the term applied
to the newspapers which are disturbing tn,
remains of ths venerable s. j. Tilden.
The funny man of the St. Petersburg
| Gazette says that the Czarina will appear a
the coronation ceremonies in m-bazine
dress.
A Cincinnati critic spoke Of Miss Ander
| son "throwing her deep and powerful voice
out as from cornet," and the last word wa:
set up "corset."
"Put Your Arms Around Me, Dear" Is
the title Of new song. 1t Is companion
piece to "Soak Your Feet in Pot of Glue.''
-Pitsburg Leader.
Some Of the eastern papers are discussing
the important question whether "dude" Is
pronounced In one or two syllables. Out
west it is generally pronounced dsrned fool.
-Hawkeyc.
"Mr. 1saacs, can you tole me we're vas the
first diamond?" "No, Mr.. Yawcobs; we're
vas !" "Vy, Noah's son on der ark; he
vas Shem Of der first vater."-Boston Com
mercidi Bulletin.
A Georgia paper, and bright on it is, too,
is called The Major. 1t has 295, 900 sub
scribers. Nearly every man in Georgia and
the adjacent States thought 1t was named
after rhim.-Ha,ckeye.
An old lady was asked her opinion about
Mrs. Smith, her nextdoor neighbor. "Well,"
sbe said, ~ am not the one to speak i'll of
anybody, but feel very sorry for Mr.. Smith,"
Rochester Post-Dispatch.
"Where are your kids?" q society man
asked, looking at the bare hands of q poor
but deserving editor at Vanderbilt's party.
"At home In bed" was the indignant reply;
"do you suppose I'd bring my children to
party like this ?"
A party Of young men dined sumptuously
at q restaurant, and each one insisted on
paying the bill. To decide the matter it
first one caught should pay the bill. He
hasn't caught any Of them vet.
1t was at the Cataract House in Sioux
Falls, the other day. A specimen son of the
Emerald Isle was ushered into the dining
room at the dinner hour, and the polite stew
ard TODD hold of the back of the chair to push
1t into place. The guest looked around sus-
piciously for minute, and then said, loud
enough to be heard all over the room: "By
the howly Moses, If yer jerk that chair from
under me, I'll knock the whole top Of the
head of of yez."
A new rival brass band had been hired to
play at the funera: Of Connecticut deacon.
At the grave slew and solemn dirge was
being played, when suddenly the trombone
gave blast that frightened the hearse horses
and threw the whole procession into confu-
,ion. The leader Of the band ansrily turned
upon the player, and asked him what he
meant. He replied, with smile, "Well,
thought 1t was note, and 1t wasn't nothing
but horsefly; but played it."
"Sir," said q suspicious looking individual
,n Congress avenue, accosting q business
man, "in New York ii men represent $780, |
100000" sis that so?" "Yes. Now In |
Austin the wealth is not quite so much con- |
We will assume that 20 of us
represent 100000" ayes" ave will also |
assume that you and l are two of the 90" |
yes" "Well, then, how would 1t be If / |
wanted to draw out 10 cents from the capital |
tock of the syndicate, would you let me have |
t"--Terds Sytings.