Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-07-27
BRIGHT BITS.

| A MASTER of free-hand drawings pick
| pocket.
THE MULE is apt to be behind in his
| business.
THE TALLAPoosA has taken no active
part in the Senatorial struggle at Con-
| cord.
spa, how can a club blackball manW
| ''When it knocks him out, my son; when
| it knocks him out"
| HORSE DOCTORS are now admitted to
! court in England. The world does sort of
scoot along after all.
! HoT WEATHER ITEM: Greatest water
| ing place in the cOuntry-directors' room
! of the Western Union.
DURING the summer months the critic
| rion of veracity will be transferred from
| the gravestOne to the circus poster.
STATISTICS show that 100000 people
| are killed by whisky, where one person is
| killed by a mad dog. MOral-DOn't be
afraid of a mad dog.
MISTRESS to new cook: con Wednes-
! days and Saturdays | shall go to market
with YOU" New cook: every well,
mum; but who's agoin' to carry the bas-
| ket the other days.?
| BRIDES at Saratoga wear their white
satin wedding robes in the evening, and
/ thus silently notify strangers that they
/
want to flirt with any one else.
A BENEVOLENT lady recently offered a
| little bov on the sidewalk some cakes she
! had bought in the neighbOring bakers
| shop. ''Naughr he drawled. Il don't
want it: my pepper made it." It's a
| wise child that knows its own fathers
| cakes.
If PATIENTS would tell their doctors
| the whole truth great many druggists
would be hard up.-Grip. Yes, and if
doctors told their patients the whole
/ truth fifty per cent. of the druggists
would shut up altOgether.-LQe. But as
| il is many of us will continue to lose our
| grip on life.
THIS is the season of the year when the
| cook out of situation goes to newspa-
per office, with the thermometer at 2l2 in
! the sun. and, while the perspiratiOn is
| Douring from her face like rain from an
! umbrella during an equinox, writes out
an advertisement ending with Ono objec-
| tions to the country or the seashore."
/ ON ACCOUNT of the scarcity of One-dol-
| lar coins the editor of the Dansville En-
/ press claims that he is compelled to run
! all over town to get tive-dOllar bills
! changed, The spectacle of country edi-
| tor trying to get a five-dollar bill changed
| is certainly unique ifnot unparalleled in
this country. Perhaps, though, the bill
was an abandoned counterfeit, and blew
| in through the window.
ONE NIGHT Sandy told her that he
! ''liket' her lawful Vice." She simply re-
sponded, 'dittO." Sandy was not very
| sure what that meant, so the next day,
while at work, he said: "Father, can
YOU tell me what ditto is?' "Ou, ay,
| Sandy" replied the father; ''dae We see
| that cabbageg' Yes" "And dae We
! see that ither ane, that it's just the
| same?" ESYes." 'Weel, that's ditto"
"Gracious gOodnessp' exclaimed Sandy :;
! ''did she ca me cabbage head: FL ma
wed her."
A DYING MAN once sent for an Arkan-
| sas editor. who FASTENED to the deathbed
with more alacrity as he had no heirs.
| pm glad you've come" said the old man
1 in a deathly whisper. Come closer"
! The editor approached. "YOu know that
/ have worked hard, and that have earn
| ed every cent have got. Some time ago,
! YOU remember, | subscribed for your pa
| per for six months. There is Just one
more number due me, and as / am dying
/ and can't wait till your next issue comes
| out, Just give me nickel and We'll call it
! square"
! SHERIDAN once succeeded admirably in
! entrapping noisy member who was IN
! the habit Of interrupting every speaker
with cries of Hear! hearw Richard
| Brimsley took an opportunity to allude to
| a well-known political character Of the
| time, whom he represented as a person
who wished to play the rogue, but had
/ only sense enough to play the fool.
| where" exclaimed Sheridan, in contin-
uatIon and with great emphasis, ''where
! shall we find a more foolish knave or a
more knavish fool than this?" Clear!
hearw was instantly beloved from the
[ Hhn vx1fo Wit hrvx
| ed. and thanked the gentleman for his
ready reply to the question, and sat down
amid commissions of laughter from all but
| their unfortunate subject.