Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-01-06
WISE AND OrMExVVISE.

4 newspaper philosopher SAYS man is
"like an egg; keep Ia hot water AMI hc
is bound TO become harJehed.' Ies, anl
If you don't keep him In hot water he's
bound 10 spoil.
Little Little TO her friend: IL have too
many cares. Yesterday little baby sister
arrived an papa is on journey. Ii was
but piece OF luck that mamma Was at
home TO take care of it,"
Concerning the Insane Rochester gill,
who gets ont OF bed at midnight aud goes
to work saving wood in the hack yard, 1t
is said that he father deeply depl"rcs her
insanity, but always leaves the ~ood-pilc
handy for her 10 get at.
"whal do you mean BY cat-and-'los-
lifey" said n husband TO his wife. "Iook
at Carlo aud Kitty asleep on the rug. |
wish men lived hall as gracefully with
their wives" "Stop," said the lady; site
them together and sec how they will
agree"
A young gentleman, who was looking
over n pretty girls shoulder while shc
/ was playing cards. observed: "what
| lovely hand," You may hnve II. if yoi
want it," murmure sc. an ! Ill Of III"
| evening he WAS wondering what Ter In
tentions were.
A preacher, raising his eyes from lie
desk In the midst Of his sermon, was par
alyzed with anrazement TO sec his ru'l.
boy In the gallery p'lling the hearers In
the pcws below with morse rhr.iButs.
But while the gool man wa- pr"paringa
| frown OF reproof the young hopeful cried
out: "You tend 10 your preaching, dad
dy; III keep 'cm awake"
An Indiana youth by the name OF Gos-
ling saw u girl at church, courtcl her
there for two hours, ai.d at the eiid OF the
next hour was married To her. An Iowa
editress says of this aif ir: "A man who
does all his rouring In two hours and
then mlrrics misses lot. ~ fun. lt's like
stufiing himself with peaches aud cream
In i've minutes and then having dyspepsia
the rest OF the year"
An lri-lman, lying ut the point OF
death, had received The last rites Of the
church. and was patiently waiting for The
end when he turuc'l to the good priest Ia
Whiting and feebIy requested that he do
him n favor. "Hhat is 1t, my song"
asked tie pious man. Just this" said
Pat, "will yez have me buried in aJrw's
burying groundS" "Iu jew. burying
ground !"exclniinct the aniUIIirhed priest.
"wby, Pat, It's losing your senses thHtye
are." "Faix, then, but i'm not; sure It's
the last place the devil would loo for AN
Irishman."
GLOW are the colored voters coming
out OH Onion Greek ?" asked Nh Austin
candidate of darkey with lond Of hny.
"Dar's heap of ofslckuess out dar among
colored folks"
"what IL It, malariag"
al reckon dat's de name oh de stun.
Hit am sumhn what he got from de drug.
gerry shop"
"what stuff are you talking abou;?"
"De stuff white man out dar puts Ia
his waternil,ons to keep ,le colored ToIks
frcm mis- akin 'em fur their own water
millions"
The editor Of the Fort Plain Regiao
has his Office and residence coDBected by
telephone. Recently Mr.. skidd, Of Little
Falls. an old friend, called Oh the editor
and expected TO remain for dinner.
The editor hurried to the Telephone and
shouted To his wife:
"Mr. Skidd will be mp With me to din
ner. Lay an extra plate"
"Now," said the editor, "Mr. Skidd,
you may converse with her."
As the gentleman was about 10 approach
the instrument these words were pIaiply
heard:
You tell Mr.. skidd we don't keep
hotel on wash day"
Mr.. Skidj excused himself for a few
moments, and was next seen eating fried
CLANS in the Rainbow Saloon.
"Parson," said man approaching an
Arkansaw minister, "I reckon. .you'G bet
ter take my name of Jour church books
and let me 60"
"wby soy" asked the preacher. "You
have always been . consistent church
member"
"walI, you see stole mule, and
though, that IL wouIdD't be healthy for
the CHI rch for me- to belong 70 H."
"wh ID yo,i steal the mule"
"About six montls ago."
"why, since that time you have assistsd
in several revivsls. When ~ers you seis.
ed with remorsef'
sTo-dsy."
.swas there canss that induepsed Jon
70 make an acknowledgement"
eyes, semsshiug a epnsP-"
sWhst w1s itfs
ssrLsy provsd fhst sepls - osjAtoe
7 have copcIsdsd 20 qnk ~ coosstA q
shuy asdut psoved n & ecsed esvs ~
"a atued 1oEuer.S ~ - - ~ - - -