News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-09-20

WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK.
| Slaughter Unconstitutional Economy
| He Loved NIusic-The Editors TrOw-
sers, Etc, Etc.
SLAUGHTER HOUSE.
In warning the veterans Of the late
war against exaggerating what they did
and saw in it, Ex-Governor Curtin at a
Washington banquet related the follow
ing anecdote of a revolutionary veteran,
who, having outlived nearly all his com
rades, and being in no danger of contra
diction. rehearsed his experience thus
wise: 'In that fearful day at Monmouth,
although entitled to a horse, [ fought on
foot. With each blow 1 severed an
Englishmar's head from his body, until
/. uage pile Of heads lay around me,
~roo+ r1oola Of blood on either side. and
my shoes were so full of the same dread
full fluid that my feet slipped beneath
y L
shoulder, and, looking up, who should 1
behold but the great and good Washing
ton himself! Never shall [ forget the
majesty and dignity OF his presence, as,
pressing his hand upon me, he said: My
young friend, restrain yourself, and for
heavens sake do not make a slaughter
house of yourself. - The shouts of
laughter that greeted this story showed
that the Governor had made a point
Detron Free Press.
RAILROAD ECONOMY.
"Nothing is wasted on our road" ex-
planned railroad president, who was
under examination the other day as to
the condition of his line. "There is not
a concern in the country that utilizes
everything as we do"
"Do you put everything to some use p
inquired an incredulous lawyer.
eve fail in nothing" replied the pres
ident. "You can't name thing that we
do not derive some benefit from"
ever had a wash-out?" asked the
lawyer, sarcastically.
owe have"
''To what use did you put that?"
"We watered the stock with it y and
the witness was allowed to depart i'll tri-
umph. -TraUele1's Magazine.
EVIDENCE ENOUGH.
A New York broker, who left the
street three or four years ago, one day
received call from a man up the river,
who announced that old Blank was dead.
cold Blank. Yes, remember him;
so he is dead?"
eyes, and his heirs are trying to break
the will"
"They are p
eyes, and they are going to have it he
was crazy. They want you as witness" "
"Want me? Why. [ know nothing of
the old man, except that once invested
| $4,000 for him"
Well, that's all they expect to prove
What, chr
why, if you'll come into court and
swear that the old man let you have
$4,000 to invest for him the case is
made out. When can you come %
He never WENT Wall Street NeeOs.
TWO CURIOUS THINGS.
They said it was a curious cncum-
stance that two men from New York,
two from Boston and two from Philadel-
| oil ,,,oo+ of tho coTOa hotel in
Colorado. In fact, the six sat in row
on the verandah, all smoking, when
native came up and said:
"Gentlemen, have discovered a new
silver mine which beats anything in the
country. There are a thousand tons of
ore in sight, and the assayer says it's 95
per cent. pure quill. want to get my
diving wife out of this climate, and I'll
sell the mine to any of you for $4,000. ."
Then the other curious thing hap
pened. Not one of the six men replied
a word. Not one of them even looked
I'D. Not one of them seemed to care a
continental whether his old ore assayed
! Is or 95 per cent. They had all " been
| there. y WGU street NeloS.
THAT LITTLE SECOND.
"Iittle children should never get
angry ?" said Grandpa Binks to the little
second-story Binks. 'Little children
should always think twice before saying
naughty words !'
There was a bad boy in the Binks
household and he had found an old razor
that looked like a saw. He put it in
grandpa's box.
Grandpa was going out that afternoon
and he had to shave.
He got the lather all nice and ready,
put towel under his chin and pulled
the razor from the box.
Remember what told you this morn
ing p he said as the children in answer
to wink from the bad boy began to
quarrel "always think twice before you,
-!!@- BSE~ ~ ! & Bs9-
-l!- ns3E" s & - *-
60! & -.
And then, as Grandpa Binks looked
at the bad boy, he took another look at
the razor and remarked that he guessed
he'd 90 out and see if it looked like
rain.
THE MOUSE ESCAPED.
A lady while engaged in the pursuit
Of her domestic duties encountered O
mouse in the flour barrel. Now, most
ladies. under similar circumstances
would have uttered few genuine shrieks
=, and then sought safety in the garnet
but this one possessed more than the
! ordinary degree of genuine courage
She summoned the man servant and tOl(
, him TO get the gun, call the dog, ant
station himself at a convenient distance
+ Then she clambered half way mp star
: and commenced to punch the flour bar
= rel with pole. Presently the nous
. made its appearance and started acroS
the floor The dog at once went III pun
suit The man fired andth dog droppe
dead. The lady tainted and fell dow
It the stairs. and the man, thinking tha
b" she was killed, and fearing that he woul
" be arrested for murder, disappeared
; and has not been seen since. The nous