Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-06-16
BOB BURDETTE
He DiscoIirses In His Most Laugha-
bic Vein Upon Summer Topics.
AND THE TRAMP.

uic sGtu upon summer TOPICS.
AND THE TRAMP.
And with the other idols of the sum-
mer comes the all-pervading tramp.
He is the idolest of the lot, in fact.
What he demands kwork and pay-you
do the work and he get the pay. In the
battle of life he confines his efforts to
the serious and important duty of draw
ing rations. He requests more revictua-
ling than the much fed Nicnic. His pam
falcons bag at the knees, and the one
suspender that he wears is tied around
his waist. He is useless as a juryman,
but he knows great deal more. He is
like valve. He works well-in horn.
The straighter he takes his whiskey the
crookeder it makes him. He lisa rolling
stone, bat he gathers much moss. And
chips and hay and bits ofstraw and clay,
for when he lays him down to sleep he
| wraps the drapery of the barn or wood
shed about him, if peradventure, he
covereth not up with the broad and
star-gemmed canopy of heaven.
When he comes TO the front door
and prefers his request for provender
he is as carefully respectful and law-abid-
ing as newspaper with libel suit on
his hands, and when you send him away
empty he is as impudent as new re-
porter. He is not soon forgotten when
he is gone, because he usually takes
something away with him for you to re-
member him by. Sometimes, impelled
by WEAKNESS, he listlessly ESSAYS to sit
on the top rail of barbed wire fence to
rest, and oft, as he descends, therefrom,
he curses the niggardly spirit that sac
rifices personal comfort to mean and
sordid economy. The good die young,
but the crop Of tramps and generals sur
vive every peril. They toll not, neither
do they spin; and yet Solomon in all his
glory was not arrayed like tramp. The
garments of tramp always date far back
beyond the knowledge Of man. If a
tramp had come strolling into the gar
den of Eden when Adam and Eve were
keeping house ION the ground floor, he
would have worn clothes so fearfully
old fashioned and out of style they would
have been ashamed of him. In the sum-
mer he unconsciously assimilates the
linen left out on the line
and in the winter
he enters the unguarded hall and plag-
iarizes the overcoat. He is such an
adept at getting something for nothing
that he would make good chairman of
relief committee. He travels on his
face, like Mrs. Langtry; he is the wizard
of the road, for never know which way
he is coming. Of late years he has for
saken the far West, because he has to
work so hard in Kansas to dodge the cy-
clones, and now he blossoms in the East
and the bloom wherewith he blossoms
is on his nose; but as he leaves the house
which is about all he does leave-you
perceive that he carries flag of truce
aft. His clothes are not so expensive
nor stylish as are the, garments of the
dude, but, then, he isn't one-balf so fear
full Of meeting the man who made them.
AND COMMENCEMENT.
The sound of the graduate is heard
in the distance. Yet few days and the
all-beholding sun, when he passes over
Philadelphia, will see 400 blood-raw
doctors step out of the medical colleges
and wait cheerfully for the cucumber
and little green apple to open business.
Scores of tooth carpenters will face the
world of cheek with much hope and
exceeding great jaw. They will make
living gently if they can, forciblv if
they must. In every high school and
college brave and hopeful young people
will "stand upon the threshold of life"
and ''glide down the stream of time"
| with dull thud. The memory of the
pleasant hours spent within these walls'
will do just about the same things the
same old memory used to do long years
ago. "And to you, dear teachers, who
have so lovingly and patiently guided us
| through the intricate mazes and along
the pleasant paths of knowledge" now
with a skate strap and then again with
the butt-end of hedge-stick,
whose gentle watchfulness and tireless
patience has ever" picked us up in the
act just when the wad of home made
paper-machine was about half sway to
the ceiling or was yet wingiing its flight
to the other boys ear, We bid farewell
with tears, same tears that have been
the year under slightly different and
rather more compulsory circumstances.
The boy graduate rarely Weeps when he
retires from school. Oh, rarely! When
a boy weeps he has something substan-
tial to cry about. Or rather to cry over.
once heard boy going down street
singing at the top OF his lungs, Dare to
be right, dare to be truew singing it so
loud that he woke up all the babies on
the block, and set every last dog in the
ward to barking, and as he sang he
smashed a window in the parsonage,
broke a chickens leg with a stone,
"sassed" market woman, shot farmer
in the eye with "nigger-shooter," hit a
dog crack with shinny-club, that
made poor Carlo howl till his back
ached, pulled a picket off fence, slapped
a little boy and took his cooky away
from him. He disappeared inside the
schoolroom, and above all other
voices l could hear his soulful shrek in
the morning song, "Oh, how ! love my
teacher dearp And before prayers
were over he linked a boys nose, put
two bent pins where they would do the
most harm, sailed claim of shOemak-
er's wax On the teachers chair, scratch
ed his name on his desk with a pin, ate
an apple, and fired the core into the ear
of the good boy with thin neck, who
was never absent or tardy. If boy
weeps when he leaves school, it is be-
cause he knows he will have to go to
work, and can't have any more fun. He
will have to develop mission, and live
to some great and lofty purpose, that he
may honor his alma mater and grow to
be President, or judge, or the Begun of
Vic VI
or Akkouhnd of Swat, or something of
that sort. All things are possible to a
boy that you don't want him to do.
LIKEWISE FISH.
Did we not go Fl thing it would not be
summer. Conversely, if it were not sum-
mer, we would not 60 fishing. The al t
of fishing is now reduced to science,
simple and exact. 1--WE are going fish
ing next week." said Mr.. Oldboy, :'and
l want to be sure we've got all our things
together"
"Got tent?" asked his partner.
eyes, I've got a tent"
"And boat?"
eyes, that's engaged"
Whisky"
"Lots of it."
''Some pilot biscuit"
eyes, whole box"
Give or six dozen of beer?"
eyes"
"Cigars?"
Hundreds of 'em."
PLENTY of whiskey?"
eyes,"
"Ham and canned meats?"