South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-11-02

"A"' 10 ZIG uat'cT "iku yS1s WHIT arc
you crying about?'
Freddy. oh, mamma, Eve dot such
q nawful headache in my stomschp
(Yckel TO his son at q concert during
the performance Of duet:) Dye sec,
Tor, now it's getting late they are sing
ing txo 1T time go as to get done
eooner.'
There is q grocer out West who is said
TO be SO mean that he was seen 20 catch
o fly CT his counter, hold him mp by the
hind legs and look In the cracks Of his
feet TO see il Le hadn't been stealing
: some ugar.--Somervi!Ie Journal.
A SCHOOL BOY ON CoBNs.--Corns are
Of two kinds vegetable and anina'.
Vegetable corn grows in rows, ard AMI
NAL corn grows on toes. There are sev
crai kinds OF corn: There is the uni
corn, the capricorn, pop corn, corn dod-
gcrf. field corr, ana the corn, which i,
the corn your feet feel mos. II is said.
Ibe!ieve, that gophers like corn, but
persons having ccrns do not like TO go
fur If they can help il.
Corns have kernels and some colonies
have corns. Vegetable corn grows on
The ear, but animal corn Sroas on feet,
at the other end OF tie body. Another
kind OF corn is the acorn; this grows on
oaks, Int there is no hoax about the
corn. The acorn s corn with an in
definite article aided. FRY it and see.
Many man when he has corn wishes
1T was au acorn.
Folks that have corns sometimes send
for a doctor, and if the doctor h mself
is corned hc probably won't do so well
as if he isn't. The doctor says corns
are produced by tight boots and shoes,
which is probably the reason why when
n man i. tight they say Ii, is corned
II y farmer manages well, Le can get
good deal of corn on an acre, bat /
know of farmer that has the corn that
makes tho biggest acher on his farm.
The bigger crop of vegetable corn man
raises, the better he likes it bat tho
bigger crop Of animal corn he raises
the better he does not like il.
Another kind Of corn is the corn dod-
ger, The way il is made is very simple,
and it is Is follows-.hat ia If you want
to know: You go along the street and
m an L. hra a
n rough character; then you step ON
the toe that has tho corn on it, and
see ifyou don't have occasion to dodge.
In that way You will lind out what a
corn dodger is.
SHE DETERMINED TO QUIT IN TINE.
A Newport unmarried elderly lady,
the leader of the fashion in her own IA
miIy, attended the Louisville Southern
Exposition, Wednesday. She is and al
ways has been very bashful; in fact,
she's SO bashful she won't get married,
and she has had ever so many Offers
But she made hasLy retreat from the
building. A lady friend, whom she hap
pened TO meet at tho depot when she ar
rived, will tell why she left.
Why, goodness gracious, Mary Back
already ! thought you were going to
spend several days in Louisville.
We'll, I'll tell you why came back
go soon, lhe said in almost q whisper
/ became Disguised.
Disguised And why
Why you see it was given out in The
papers that the Governor OF Arkansas
would wear at the Exposition suit of
clothes made within only a few hours
from the time the cotton was picked
from the field in Arkansas.
Oh, that was a novelty, surely.
Well, l went to the Exposition, AMI
got good seat close up to where the
Governor and other notablcs were sitting
and after few moments discovered
that the Governor hadn't put ON the new
suit yet, for the Mayor Of Louisville was
presenting it to him; and Just as The
Mayor picked up the pants 10 hand TO
him got up and left
What did yor leave for, Mary A.?
Why, my goodness DO you think
was going TO sit there and sec him put
on his pants?
Augustus, she said. why is there SO
much confusion in that store p ! know