The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-08-24

Trom Carl Pretzel's weekiy.j

Trom Carl Pretzel's week1y.l
WHAT has Random done that so many
people shoot at him.
WHEN q man is sentenced for twenty
days in Jail his days are numbered.
ANY tramp who attempts to steal the
close of the day, ought to be shot ON
the spot.
DIssoLvING views-Looking through
the bottom of glass containing gin
and sugar.
SOME men return home from ~The
Lodge" as hunted criminal does when
passing a jail.
THEY say that bald heads and gray
hairs are defects In natures works. The
defects are more noticeable when bal
let troupe n IN town.
Il SAY Pat how do you like Ameri-
about going back to Ireland" What's
the matter with this country?" asked
his friend. Faith and there's nothing.
but, am going back to be ex-pat-
rated"
A WOMAN applied for q divorce, and
in giving her evidence in the case
averred that she had passed many
sleepless nights in tears" The Judge
granted decree, at the same time ex-
pressed his sympathy for the man who
had wife that would tear around so
much.
From Texas 6iftings.l
In library: Il say, who took the
Life of Washington p" "P1l swear
didn't know he was murdered"
IT is common enough for love to laugh
ut locksmiths, but it is a much more
serious matter for marriage to laugh at
the plumber.
.THE,temperance societies in consider
ing how to treat drunkards seem to lose
sight Of the fact that the more they are
treated the worse they are.
"Are trade dollars taken at par, I'M
CURED little Rufus Bolts of his mother.
"No, but they are taken from pa, when
he goes to bed with his boots on"
ONE of the Tennessee press excur-
sionists, who visited Austin not long
since, is the author of the following
lines, penciled on the back of his card:
o, were v, u ne'er editor.
And did you never eXcurt
And feet tLat shrin lage of the purse
As you don your las clean shirtI
FARMERS clubs are suggested as very
good things fer protection against pat
ent-gate and Lightning rod swindlers-
They should be about five feet long and
made of stout hickory.
from Chicago Cheek
IT has just been ascertained why "the
l. foIl Ill Sc 4,N af ,exhk ot-
lently stole away" he was afraid the
Sheriff might want him if he fingered
any longer.
AN old colored preacher in Atlanta,
GA, so the story goes, was lecturing q
youth of his fold about the sin of dane
ing, when the latter protested that the
Bible plainly said There is time to
dance" Yes, dar am time to dance"
said the dark divine "and it's when
boy gifts whippin' for going to ball"
AT town in. Illinois, the seats of the
church had been freshly painted, and
on Sabbath the paint wassas green as o
country pedagogue. There was large
congregation. Before opening services
the minister requested Bro. Jones to
lead in prayer" Bro. Jones cnlored
like an Oriental sunset, but did not
respond. Bros. Smith, Brown and
Simpkins were in turn invited to "ad-
dress the Throne OF Grace" but what
was the surprise of the good man when
all remained seated like craven images.
TO cover his embarrassment the preach
er called upon the congregation to
rise and sing" Not one moved! He
then stepped down and asked the
janitor what it all meant. The janitor
explained that the fresh paint held
every worshiprer fast to their seats.
Such was the fact and services were
closed amidst much merriment, and
after no little trouble and some damage
to wearing apparel the congregation
dispered.