The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1883-07-12
Saaeraoa gutelligeueer.
STUDIES IN CHURCH.
The Pew rs seen from the Pulpit.

AS you preach the Word, my dear
young brother, cast your eyes around
upon the congregation and you will OBJ
serve the people, as follows, to wit,
namely, viz:
/. The SLEEpER.--He will be there.
Peradyenture he leaneth his chin upon
cane, so that when the moment of deep
and profound slumber cometh upon him
his chin slippeth off, and with the bang
Of his head upon the pew in front of him
he is awakened. Howbeit, the bang
upon his wife's head no man can hear.
Or, the slumberer may sit bolt upright
and nod in time to his deep and regular
breathing. Only when you cast your
eyes upon him, the watchfui wife OF his
bosom stabs him with ncr elbow, and he
glareth upon the congregation rs one
who should say "He that sayeth /
sleep, the same is liar and villain
and horse thief" Or, if it be SO that
he leaneth his head back until the lid
thereof falleth down between his shoul-
ders, and he playeth fantastic tunes with
his nose, insomuch that the boys in the
gallery make merry over the same, then
is it hazardous to awaken this slumberer
right suddenly, because he dreanleth of
divers things, and sayeth to the titbing.
man who shaketh him up: clay hi
ha yes, yes, all right, I'm up" And
thus is the congregation much scandal.
lied. But if he foldeth his handkerchief
over lne back of the pew in front, and
boweth his head devoutly upon the same
even in that moment when the text iB
pronounced, then will that sleeper
trouble no one, but will slumber sweetly
on until the time of the benediction {;
and he will awaken refreshed and smil.
ing, and he will extol tho sermon and
magnify the preacher. He is the old.
timer from Sleepy Hollow.
II. THE LoUNGER.-He falls into the
pew and slides easily into the most COM
Portable corner. He shakes himself
down into q comfortable attitude. His
legs extend under the Pew in front and
meet his hips ut the cEookedeat Of obtus5
angles. He crooks his pliant elbow into
the arm of the pew and dropa the side
Of his face into the fearful hollow Of his
hand, by means of which he pushes his
cheek up into his eyes. His shoulders
are nearly on level with his head.
Every time you look at him you expect
to see him slide out of sight. And, al
though you are good man, sometimes
yon wish he would, and never come up
again.
III. THE FIDGET.-Whethe you look
for him or not you know whero he is.
He pushes the hassock away with long,
resonant groan of his own. Then he
sits bolt upright, hooks his shoulder
blades over the back OF the pew, and
hangs on. He Is going to sit still this
Sunday If it kills him. But the pew Is
too high, 30 he settles down o little.
Then he puts hymn.book between his
back and the pew. Then he leans for
ward and lets it fall with crash. Then
he folds his arms he half turns and
lays one arm along the back of the pew.
Suddenly he slides down and braces both
knees against the back of the pew in
front. Alb, that's comfort 1t lasts
ninety seconds. when he abruptly
Btraightens up, elevates both arms and
hooks his elbows over the back of the
pew. That isn't what he wants; his
lege are tired; he reaches for the hassock
with both feet, upsets 1t, and, in o fran
tic effort to stop It, kicks it against the
pew. Covered with burning embarrass.
ment, be pulls ont his watch twice with.
out looking at 1t. He folds his arms
across his breast, then he crosses them
behind his back; he thrusta his hands
into his pockets, he drops Bible on the
floor and puts his feet into his hat, and
at times you look to. see him 60 all to
pieces, but he doesn't. He stays together
and comes back next Sunday, every limb
and Joint of him.
Nv. The WATCHER.-His neck is
fitted on o globe socket and turns clear
around. He sees everything that gees
OF. The man who comes in late does
not escape him, and 1t is vain for the
tenor to think he got that little note to
the alto conveyed between the leaves of
the hymn.book unobserved. The watch
or saw 1t. He sees the hole in the
quarter that Elder Skinner dropped In
the plate. He sees that Deacon Slowboy
has On but one cuff. If the door swings
he looks around; If the window moves
noiBelessly he looks up. He sees the
stranger in his neighbours pew, and he
sees Brother Badman sitting away back
under the gallery furtively take chew
of the inhibited ine.cut. All things
thst nobody wants him to see the watcher
aeaa. He aees go much that he has no
time to to listen.