Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-09-26
BRIGHT BITS.

Il CAN always make money SCOUTING
Shakespeare" solilOquiZed the impecu-
ni0us actor as he pledged another copy Of
the immortal bard.-BCstOn Courier.
4 sAvANr has discovered that man de-
seconded from the bear. We have heard
before that man ascended from the bear,
and have been shown the trees where 1t
occurred Marathon independent.
LITTLE FREDDIE late 10 breakfast r..
papa. what is the difference between me
and those baked potatoes - Give 1t up,
Freddieu. "Why. the potatoes Early
Rose, and l didn't.'-BurliHqtoR fres
Press.
A RrRAL editor has lost faith in the
luck of borseshOes. He nailed one over
his door recently. and that morning there
came by mail three duns and seven stops,
and a man called with a revolver TO ask
''who wrote that article:H
The most remarkable epitaph in Berk-
shire is that on slim slab Of marble, IN
the words, ITO the memory OF John
smith. erected gratuitOusly by his broth
CT, with the ''gratuitously" IN very large
letters. Boston Transcript.
AN article in an exchange is entitled
"Religious Umbrellas" A religious UNI
brelIa. we should say, Is one that doesn't
leave the church fifteen minutes before
its owner. and send a 25-cent substitute
to take its -NOrriSt0,cR Herdtd.
BIGGs had eaten pretty heartily. He
left the table before his host and hostess,
excusing himself Of course. as IN pohte-
ness bound. Excuse yer" exclaimed
Farmer SparrOwgrass; ''oh, get out:
love TO see man eat."-BOStOH iran
script.
A CORRESPONDENT asks whether we
think the maidstone a trustworthy cure
ltr~Nss .hf.ls
weighs six or eight pounds, and Is hurled
with vehement accuracy at the dog before
he bites you. it is a sure cure.-RocheSter
Post Express.
A BRIGHT, thoughtful boy. one summer day
Planted an acorn, and went his way.
Both grew. "a boys and acOrns can,
Till one was a tree. the other man.
Now mark the reward: Along comes the man.
And the tree shelters him as an oak tree can.
But why stays he there in the moonlight dim:
He stole fine horse and was hung 10 a IInb
TON" said an Austin Irishman to his
Office boy, was this lump Of ice put in the
water cooler tO-day:' mo, sir" replied
the youth. sit was left Overfrom last even
ing, and, as it was large lump, | thought
il would answer" You did, oh, you
rascal. Throw it out, throw it out, and
put in some fresh ice, an niyer agin try
TO palm OFF a stale article on me-
PA" said little Porkinpine looking up
from his paper, PA, it says 'the queen
has fixed the ceremony Of the dedication
Of the cairn TO John Brown for September
l. What is a .cairn|" Its Scotch for
baby said old POrkinpine, with the air
Of man who throws of waves Of lnfOrma-
ton as a base-burner throws of heat.
cts Scotch for baby. or little child. A
Scotchman's children are his cairns, and
! suppose the Queen is going to stand
gOdmother to one Of Lord Browns chill
dren, or cairns, as you may ay.'-BuT-
LngtOH Hdtckcye.
AMBITIOUS pupil to professor Of mathe-
matics: "A man half alive equals man
half dead; is it not so|' p. NJ: Eyes,
senOr." 4. p: II state the proposition
on the blackboard thus: = alive y
dead.v z. NJ: "The equation is cor
rectly stated" \. P: suppose, now,
that each quantity be increased or de-
creased in the same proportion, the rela-
ton Of equality will remain unchanged,
will it not?' ''P. NJ: eyes, senOr." A.
p: "Therefore, one alive equals one dead"
i. NJ: Enough of mathematics. "-Ctty
Of Herico Nonitor.
OUTRAGE on "A cOlOred clergyman: Rev.
MelancthOn Fish, cOlOred divine, re-
ceiyed a call from cOlored congregation,
provided he gave satisfaction. Last sun
day he preached his trial sermon. After
IT was over be walked home with Uncle
Nose. who is celebrated for being the most
candid old Niger in Austin. Dat ar
congregation" said the Rev. Fish, pat
ronizingly, "am composed oh de finest
looking body of men | ebber saw EFF
dat am your candied 'pinion. you should
nebber have called 'em belubbed BREEDER
en- remarked Nose, quietly. "Why not,
Uncle MOse:" "Bekase you don't look
like you belong to de family. You aint
fine enough looking to be more den forty
second cousin, much less a brudder."
There now exists a polar wave, or a gla-
cial period, between Uncle Nose and the
new pastor and there is some talk Of a
/ hostile nominations SiftingS.