The Evening critic., 1883-03-29
THE CRITIC ABROAD.
lCommuncated.l
IL That Benny Brewster7

IHt OhlIIC AbhUAU,
lCommunicated1
Ii THAT Benny Brewster7
Ai'-"Is THAT MIR. RIELLY9"
I'm Benjamin Brewster, n man OF great fame,
Aristocrat 10 the backbone.
I've flne coat.of.arms, and high sounding
And lovely frilled shirts do I own.
Ifthey'd but let me be, would have n big sprce
From the first TO the last OF the year;
would live in the style Of a sultan or Shah
And swim round in whisky and beor.
Is that Benny Brewster, can any one tell7
mean Benny Brewster who dresses 30 well2
Well, II that's Benny Brewster, that queer
Good day to aSCyoG You, Brewster, you're doing
quite we'll.
I'd have all my relations made viscounts and
earls;
would live in the richest of style;
/ would stand on the corner and ogle the girls,
And would get drunk? should smilei
TnE CRITIC I'd sack, Dorsey put on tho rack,
And Ingersoll burn at the stake;
Every man ! would hang In the whole Star.
And my thirst for reform would slake.
mean Benny Brewster that dresses so we'll.
Well, II that's Benny Brewster, that queer
looking rooster,
Good day to you, Brewster, you're doing
-:o:
Some how or other it has always been
that when public holiday, such as yes
terday, is given, the employees of the navy
yards are Disseminated against. Yester-
day was no exception to the rule. Every
Government department in Washing ton,
save the navy-yard, was closed as a mark
of respect to the memory of the late Post
master. General.
In this connection q good joke was got
ten off by an employe of the machiue-s shop
of the yard. Walking down the A venue
yesterday afternoon he observed that Wash
ington was out in its gala-day attire. Said
he to a friend.
"This looks like holiday"
at is a holiday said the friend. "The
Departments are all closed on account Of
the funeral of the Postmaster General"
"The Postmaster General dead Why,
we of the navy-yard have not been Off
cially notified of that fact by Secretary
Chandler !"
Many persons are attracted to the Star
inside of a courtroom, and who are entirely
ignorant of the details Of judicial proceed
ings, and as a natural consequence they see
and hear many things which they do not
understand
When these people get together during
recess to discuss what they have witnessed
in the courtroom, many amusing disputes
arise and comical questions are presented.
The Critic came upon little group to-
day, under the spacious and dirty south
portico of the City Hail. who were much
exercised over question which had arisen
in THAR rnindc frnnr xphot fbap had hoord
A tall colored man, in the transition state
between silvery wool and bald.headedness,
was leaning for support against one of the
pillars as he enlightened group Of curious
friends by free exposition of his superior
knowledge of legal matters.
81 kin explain mos cherry ting about dis
hyar trial, but d'ar one ting puzzles dis
niggah mos ter DEATH"
The little party and the Critic paused
reverently to learn what it was that could
puzzle so profound philosopher, as he
proceeded:
"Dey is always talkin' about de sworn
statements of men an animals on de diff
rent roots. Now, kin understan' de sworn
statements of de men, but how dey am a
goin' ter git dc sworn statements of de ami
mails for testimony in this hyar trial am
what gifts ter me de wust kind"
The question remained unanswered, and
it is probable that delegation will be ap.
pointed to investigate the matter.
-:o:-
"The Marshal and his deputies are getting
to be too id nsthetically aesthetic around
this courthouse" said an old timer to-day,
referring to Judge Wylie's court.
"Why, what on earth is the matter with
you now?' inquired the Critic.
"Ob, nothing Is the matter with me but
you sec ever since we have had court
house in this District, the doors were al
ways open to everybody when court was
in session."
"Are not the doors open to all now ?"
mo, sir; not to Judge Wylie's court"
"Why is that"
"Well, you see, this Oscar Wilde Marshal
who runs things in q sort of aesthetic way
has ordered all his deputies to wear stripes
up their trousers legs, brass buttons on
their coats and understand the Marshal is
going to wear a big sun-1ower on his
bosom."
"Well, what has that to do with closing
the doors to visitors?"
"Only this: The Marshal is. putting on
too many airs. He has no right to close
that door against any citizen who desires to
go in and look ON, if he behaves"
Just at this juncture another old resi-
dent put in. Said he:
sit is not the fault of the Marshal"
"Whose is it, them" queried the first cit
izen; =" the judge's?"
"Oh, no! 1t is the fault of Lawyer Ker.
He is so delicately constituted that the
smell of a lot of negroes in the courthouse
makes him SICK"
''Are you certain Mr.. Ker suggested the
propriety of closing the doors to the pub.
lic?"
81 am pretty certain he did, and in sug-
gesting it he said just what said he did
that he could not stand the stencil of q lot
of lazy and trifing negroesv / tell you,
none but the select get in that courtroom
now"
Whether Mr.. Ker did or did not cause the
doors to Judge Wylie's Court to be closed
to the public during the sessions thereof
is not known to the Critic, but the Critic
does know that the doors are closed.
--:o.-
A young man who is not very prepossess.
ing in appearance nor Daniel Webster in
point of ability, wss in one of the uptown
hotels last night informing an anxious
public who he was and where he was from,
what he did and what he was going to do.
Gentlemen, am clerk in the First
Comptroller's office my name Is McCord
1 am nephew of Speaker Keifer's and my
father rents eighteen houses you bet"
you say you are relative of ex-Speaker
Keifer 2"
"Well, 1 should smile if I amt. 1 am