Daily Republican., 1883-10-04
II u M OROUS.

SONY "Your age" beg pardon.
Your age?" DIDO | understand tn,
| must give my age?" eyes, miss, ii
law requires 1t. Worlds, sir, woul
not tempt me to give it. Not that
care. No; had as lief wear 1t on m
bonnet as a cabman does his numbe
but I'm twin, and If my sister has
weakness, 1t is that she dislikes an
reference made TO her age, and coul
not give you my own because l do ne
wish to offend her."
why, Harry" said a lady to
small boy, who was crying IN the stree
what's the matter?" Mother whir
ped me-" groaned the boy. "Wha
for?" "'Cause | fell in the river an
got wet" "Well, don't you think yo
deserved it?" "No, L don't. / cam
purity near gettin' drowned, and if
had then wouldn't she a. cried her eve
out? and just b cause / didn't, an
come home little wet, she gives me
whippin'. Next time III drown, an,
teach her how TO treat a feller-boc
hoo"
A Chicago wholesale house sent GU
three female drummers by way of tx
pertinent. One of them wore all he
samples to picnic and got lemonade
pie and grass stains all over them; an
other got mashed on a brakeman an,
followed him off, and the third reported
three new dresses, n lawn tennis suit. q
garden hat, and Langtry bang in hel
expense account. The house Is no wei
satisfied with the result Of the expert
ment that 1t will not repeat it.
"Why do you nut thos. horrid wood.
en- things on the necks Of those cows o.
asked the young lady boarder of Farm
er Furrow, az he was driving the oxen
down the lane. That's to make 'em
keep still while I'm milkin' 'em ex.
claimed the old uan, a, he winked al
his wife. son." exclaimed the city
maiden;" ought to have known that. "
Then She ran up stairs TO enter the in.
in her diary.
Biddy, bring Mrs. Smith glass of
sherry Exit Biddy. "You must he
;ired from your walk" Biddy brings
;he glass OF sherry. "Not that way nv
good girl. You should always bring it
m plate or salver." Exit Biddy.-
She is very willing, but she knows 80
ittle.' Biddy, re-entering with wine
n soup.pla tt. "Shal | bring q
poon, ma'am, or will the lady lap It
lp?"
~ tell you it's been a powerful close
eason in Michigan this summer" said
he tramp IN he fish I'd in his pocket for
mother green apple. "Why, last sum.
ner kept myself dressed like gentle.
nan by stealing the scarecrows from
he cornfelds but this year the farmers
ip pair of "pants" in two and make
be two ragged legs do duty over n
'hole forty acres.
Ma" howled boy, running into
ne house aud approaching bis mother
Willy hit me with a stick" "TllI
nip Willy, said the mother abstract
lily, rolling together pair of stock.
lgs that she had been darning "No,
ont whip him." cried the urchin.-l
Don't let nm have any supper l
hipped him before he hit me-
" Strange, remarked Mrs. Brown
| have rung at Mrs. Smiths door
'ree times this week, aud didn't sue.
'ed in getting an answer. | expect
10 family is "uf Of town. - " Posi-
y, replied Mrs. Jones "but Mrs.
NTH wa, telling me jdst now that she
nld tell your ring among thou.
nd. -
A young gentleman writing from
1ng Branch, asks Wy whether it is
good form" to hold bird with ones
lgers while eating it. If the bird
the regulation wstering'place spring
icken II is good form " enough but
or policy. You shonll brace yourelfl
alnst something AID use both
nds.
Many Philadelphia business men now
. type-wriiers. Not Ion. ago whole
lie house sent letter OF this kind No n
lall dealer in the far west. The vest
man returned it, with the Indignant
81 just want you to under
nd that ! amt no sciaolboy. | cnn
Vi wr,iin as good as any one"
What do you mean, you rascal, hy !
ling your soup all over me - Dc.
ilded an irare passenger At a dining
ton, OF a waiter VINO had just delug.
him: That's all right. replied
waiter, sOothingly: "don't get mad. u
ere's more soup in tbe kitcheR, =,
ugh I'm not sure that i y warm 70
he young lady to whom her lover -
&, Darling, kiss my tears away"
. inst Lea nj mi ~. hn 4.
that purpose when her pas bulldog "
ne roul the corner. Talk about -,
IT ukissed KISSES" there was a
Ole backyard full of them while the q.
nclock was striking one.
How old would yon think my daugh- b.
WASP" asked a mother OF u lady
nd at one Of cur summer resorts 81
ould you think she was eighteen 2"
b, yes" was the candid reply, ct Id,
aid think she was eighteen-about
years ago" They" never speak as of
: pass by" now. eli
Ugh :" exclaimed Brown, al be. rii
e shall freeze to death but I've fol
to die sometime" he added, "and ad
ght as well die that way rs any
r" "Much better" replied Fogg,
"you'll have such an ex-
,nt chance to thaw off on the other lal
You know" to
Q had brought her the very things FL
wanted from the supper tableto her the
retreat on the stairs, and she was COZ
ed to say, half iaughingly " You pei
/ man after my own heart, Mr.. b." ng
st what am after" he answered, Tor
k as flash, covering her with con- at
N. III
ltiquary: " Here is something very aac
=; the identical Colts pistols worn wh
10 great Roland, who was slain at sen
by the Turks" Customer wa
: there were no pistols in that and
Antiquary :"I know that, my dow
sir that's what makes them so ths
lool
zen the editor proposed and was ac-
'n said to his sweetheart : 81 +
d be glad If YOU wOuld give me a wit