Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-06-15
9setrs.
Trouble in the Choir.

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Trouble in the Choir.
There was something SO unusual in the singing OF
the choir
That the elder looked up mildly from the tenth of
jeremiah,
And. with readjusted eyeglasses looked along the
foremost row,
While hundred necks were twisted in a stare from
all below,
As before the rolling thunder comes distant, wall
ing moan,
There was presage Of disturbance in the very
organs tone,
As the popping of the pckets ere the battles awful
din,
Or the tuning of the iddles ere the orchestra
begin.
An unprejudiced observer might have seen with
half an eye
There was waiting an explosion that would send
them all skYhigh,
Or spontaneous combustion, to accept modern
name
That was waiting just motion to burst forth into
flame.
The Soprano sat in grandeur, with her book before
her face,
With her back comb turned in anger on the Alto
and the Bass:
While the Tenor stood beside her with an elevated
nose.
And the organist paved mady at the pedals with
his toes.
How could any one but angels sing when they were
feeling SO?
Tho the hymn was '.Ssngs of Gladness,' they would
make it Sounds of Woe;'
When we sing about devotion some devotion we
must feel,
Or cur plaintiye tones Of worship will be something
of squea1.
But the Alto sung her solo, and then left it to the
Bass,
Who was gnawing at his moustache and was look
ing for the place,
While the Urganist, in anger. sung the leading part
alone.
And the Tenor tried to follow, but 1t ended in
groan.
rising higher,
1t patent to the simplest there was trouble in
the choir
And the Organist, in fury, closed the organ with
crash.
And the Alto sobbed in anguish because the choir
had gone to smash.
When the elder went among them with view to
reconcile,
The Soprano told her story with sanguinary
smiles ~
1t appeared the wretched Chorister had introduced
girl
With brand new style of singing and most dis
tracing curl.
But, to cap the bitter climax. this usurper wore
hat.
just duck, gem, a beauty and it made the rest
look fiat;
But the straw that broke the camers back and
made the wreck complete
She came early Sunday morning and usurped The
leading seat.
When the elder asked the Tenor why he left, he
said: because
The Soprano said my chest tones sounded just like
filing saws,''
And he overheard the Alto night whisper to the
That a man with such moustache was palpable
disgrace
And the Bass informed the elder that he sacrificed
his views
When he came and joined the elders choir, to help
fill up the pews;
He was an Episeopalian, and if the people thought
he'd take
Any nonsense from Baptist they had made great
mistake.
Then the Organist and Alto beth put on an injured
look,
Saying something in an undertone about change
OF book;
And the elder overheard them, as he gently closed
the door,
Use the words: "A poor old fogy" and "a senti-
tmental bore.''
And he scratched his poor old aoddle. as he ram
bled down the street,
With his spectacles on his forehead and his slippers
on his feet
And really think the elder has hope of pouring
Oil
On the troubled sea of music, to aIay the sad
turmoil.
In the meantime, service opens with old "Chiha'
or "Bethune"
And the deacon with his tunefo1k gives the peopl,
all the tune;
And the organ gathers cobwebs, and the people
While they roar out Coronation" to the Deacon's
hoarsest base.