Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-03-23

promise you dat ~ You did for far"
~ uid you can call me liar and you can
prove II by mc."-1.StjR Statesman.
WHATS IN name" A legislator WHO
has large falniy at home. and who has lo
DC very saying, catered an Austin aycuue
RESTAURANT about dinner iimo and asked for n
business consultation, which was arabtcd.'
10" much DO you charge for dinner 2"
Fllty cents" GLOW much for breakfast >
"Iwcnty-flvc cents" "rhcn bring me n
breakfast for dinner. .'-7esas !Sittiags.
In certain church this Winter ATTEMPT,
nave been made to take up contributions for
iour Inherent objects, but in each ca.e The
coHectlon has been postponed on account u.
stormy weather and small attendance Cod.
man, who is parishioncr, says he is about
to change his taciics. Hereafter he will stay
at nome pleasant Sundays, aud b. most sort.
pu'ous IN MS attendance on the most disa-
greeabe. --L0,seH Citizen.
ileaping on the horrors; Lady Midas
Aud VIC were hustled into the train any.
how, my dear Mrs. de Tompkyns: and otiv
imagine our horror. when lhc tram had start
ed, at discovering that we were actually in u
second-class carriage! Grgsby NuuOccnt
ly-"Dcar me, Yes. Very awkward In.
deed You'd TAKEN third.class tickets. |
suppose ~ tllotor Of Lady and Miss Midas,
| whI generally lake saloon Cafr,ale aIllp
themselves )-LoHd0H Punch.
The most impatient man we ever heard OF
was tile freight brakeman who committed sI.
lclde out West the other day. lfhe could
only have been willing TO wait five cr ten
ihlnhtes-but there, there some men never
can wait for the slow movements of the inc.
vItable-B0st0a Transcript.
lie came home late the other night. and
| tIa a /
burning match trying to light the cold water
tap over the marble basin in hi, dressing
room. james she said, "lhlt is not the
gasOurncr.' Il know it now. nv love" he
replied, unsteadily fact is, I've been over.
worked, and that's the reason | made thr
mistake ''Ies, you look as if you'd been
lifting good deal, she quietly answered as
she returned to her pillow. 49, Yorkslire Busy
Bee.
a sylishly-dressel woman entered res.
tauranf. The waiter handed her a bill of fare
and said' PLEASE mark off the dishes YOU
wish to order" Could a woman in a seal
SKIN coufess that she could not read: Taking
Tue pencil she made few da,hcs and h,r
order read Dinner 80 cents. "Feb. 20.
50. vegetables please pay at the
desk celery. She waiter brought her
Dec''teik aud onions and prLne sauce AM she
= dld not dare 10 raise a word in protest
tfrfLdHd |Oicc.
smith Washington an aged collr,d Alri.
can, whicwashed the fence of an Austin
banker for dollar and u aqulrter. which tie
banker paid him in Mexican quarters at pa.
several days rolled away INTO eternity before
smith Washington had any occasion to put
ono OF these Mexican quatters into circlll,.
tion, but when he attempted to do so he was
shocked at the twenty per cent discount.
HIS feelings were hurt too. He lifted UP his
G voice and sand, jess Ter think ob a barker.
in whom | lad cbcry ConiiLeucc in lie
word. beating me oIt 90 quarter ob dol.
lar. | lowed he was an honest map.
hadn't Oitcr tuck de job IN de fust place,
and then lie added more cheCrfuy, But cf
hadn't tuck de job to whitewash de fence
neDhcr would hab found out whar de
chickens roasted and as sold four dollars
; wuil oh chickens next morning the back
> hain't cotched up wild me YETI, SIT
inSs.
, One Of our most influential Georgn gran
gers was experimenting uif 4irs At his r,l,t1n
press, the other day, when he was acc s,ed
= by nciShbor Il see, colonel, that lh.
i. tailf bill has passed" is that so. How
: about cotton tirs'" "Still tlirty-tive per
4 cent, al yaloreY" "Wen, here, yol BOYS,
thar! sift another shovel % sand in til. md.
, die Of that bale; cant aif ord to reform I'M
u u the taru cocs' AMI the sitting was
q q strictly attended to.-Georgia -Vgj0r.
r The following is told Of one Of the r tbs
>. childs-le OF Frankfort: Came the Baron
Won q. INTO the Office Of the great banker.
Take chair, Sir" SAID he not even raising
- his head from his writing. Sir" said G.,
" why 'sir| am, like yourself, a baron OF
the empire, and think should b. addressed
d. as such. "A thousand parJons. - leplled
y Rnlhschild; IA baron Of the empire: Then
take two chairs until can attend u YOU -
Ic Beaten G!DJe.
II What difference there is in the ways of a
mans and womans falling on ice. 4 mau
=, Will go sprawling all over the sidewalk and
~ After kicking about ike crab with tn. shals
~ Ing palsy for two or three minutes, will final
y get up with thoroughly demoralizrd air
IS his rainent covered with dirty snow and his
re mind full of maledlctions. But woman
IL bless her when she falls she siuks down
IT with courtesy into neat and compact
p bundle and before you know ii is on her feet
Is again sailing swiftly away, with scruphic
y smile on her face, sunshine in heat. anr
e not so much as suggestion of her downfa'
on her clothing -Erchsnge