Milford chronicle., 1883-02-23
WIT AND WISDOM

JOB never slpppeu HftAf Nui it0 -i0f
over once.
wnEs lovers quarrel the tafy trade
weakens.
A WASHINGTON GIRL can blush TIL her
nose bleeds
FAsr TRAINS. Stuck in the snow with
no provisions aboard.
"SroP TREASURER e has now taken the
place Of "Stop-thief. ?
IT IS said the tariff discussion has
brought the steel men to Washington
SoNa of the Illinois militia: 'Bye-full
men, rye-full men, rye-full men, form Z
MEN don't blow ont their brains be-
cause Of too much pleasure in the upper
story.
AUTUMN. wheezy, sneezy, freely
Winter: Flippy dnppy, nippy
Spring: showery, loweiy boweIy
Summer; Hoppy, croppy, poppy.
ASKING man to lend you dollar or
two and being waved off is one Of the
coolest waves that we know anything
about.
YEs, man is a creature of habit. Once
let him contract the habit Of begging lrs
tobacco and he'll never buy another
ounce.
"AHw sighed the husbandman, 'if
wagging tongues were but wagon tongues
how much better we should get ON in
this world -
The one great fault of this life is the
readiness with which man accepts the
circus bill for the show inside the canvas.
Whitehall Times.
AT a recent donation party the preach
er received a large quantity Of half
cooked bread and he says now he does
not want any mole "doughnation par
ties
A MAN at Lawrence, Mass, didn't
know how he was to spend February and
March in Florida, but some one proposed
fair; he was made Treasurer, and the
$3.50 enabled him to skip.
A GERMAN at a hotel table in this city,
the other day, had some Limburger
cheese sent to him. A little boy who sat
beside him turned to his mother and ex-
claimed: Mamma, how / wish was
deaf and dumb in my nose.
A PENSION AGENT in Natchez secured
negro widow pension Of 81 600 and
promptly handed over $3.50, taking the
remaining $3.50 as his fee. It is pleas
ure to hear of man now and then who
believes in the good old adage: Live
and let live"
A SPRUCE and conceited young Mr..
Fell in love with another chaps sr.
With his sweet little cane,
At the end of the lane,
He met and he fain would have kr.
But he trod ON her train,
At the end Of the lane,
and A slap on his face made blr.
LADY CARrARET, wife of the lord lieu
tenant Of ireland, one day remarked to
Dean Swift, "The air of your country is
excellent" Swift Immediately fell down
on his knees, and exclaimed: "For
heavens sake, madam, don't say so in
England, or they'll lay a tax on it. .
The Queen Of Servia writes all her
husbands letters while he plays billiards
There are not many wives in this coune
try who would do that much, but we can
point out a few who make it point to
read all their husbands letters. And
wise women they are, too.-Present
Hour.
A GERMAN statstician estimates that
6 OOO. 600 rats were drowned by the late
foods in that country. Over here, re-
marks the Detroit Free Press, if a man
works for two weeks with 81 trap and
a pound Of cheese to catch one poor old
rodent. he brags over it as if he had won
a horse race.
A WASHINGTON lady went to II
o'clock breakfast then to 2 o'clock
luncb next to tea" from to 6, then
TO a dinner at 7:3O, and afterward to re-
ception. and finally to german. When
she cot home she found her husband
rocking the cradle with one hand and
irving to darn his stockings with the
otber.- Rochester Post Express.
A LITTLE boy, when picking the drum
sticks Of a chicken, swallowed the ten
dons. and was very nearly choked. The
tendon was, however, extracted with
great difficulty from the little fellows
throat. when he exclaimed, "Oh, mann
ma if wasn't che chickabiddy's fault;
it was because cook forgot to take of its
garters.
The place in California where the rail-
wov accident occurred the other day is
said bv the New Orleans Times to be
"Tachipoka.r The Los Angeles Com
mercial says it is "Tehachepi;" some
New York papers claim it to be "Iehl-
chipa. while Others locate it at " Teha-
chapi." The only way to arrive at abso-
lutte correctness regarding the name Of
this place is to get somebody to sneeze
and have stenographer ready to take 1t
down. Rochester Post Express
SALOONS Our WEST. The saloon Ii
cense question is oceasioning consider
oflaexcitamentth throughout Iowa Cou ell