Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-01-19
f u N
A Devoted Bridegroom.

out of the window, what is in the paper
to-day 2" And he says just what almost
any well seasoned bridegroom in America
says in answer to that same question:
''Oh, nothing"
us the election over?"
s'Um."
'sWhe is elected ?''
'sJohn Kelley"
81 didn't know he was running for any
thing"
saw, yes. He's running for every
thing"
"WelI, is be President now9"
s'Um."
I don't believe it. What is he Presi-
dent Of"
sammy Tilden."
sch pshaw! Who is President of the
United States ?''
arthur"
ARTHUR who? Wasn't Mr.. Hayes Presi-
dent last timer"
Muck"
WHO was, them"
Mrs. Hayes
YOU'RE awful smart. Who is Governor
of Pennsylvania ?"
Col Alexander Mcclure"
What is the weather probabilities ?"
Dunno"
docs John Wanamaker-"
Great Scott, woman! Have / nothing
ase t6 do but read advertisements p
There. apw, take the paper. Pm going to
slsep.'s
And the stricken bride merely said. II
think it's time" and without looking at
him turned at once to the mourning de-
pagtment and widows supplies column
RI. Burdette in Burlington Harkeye.
Madame, your boy can't pass at half
fare. he's too large,' said the ticket collec-
tor Of Highland train which had been
long detained on the road by snow. "He
may be too large now. "replied the matron.
"but he was small enough when we start
ed The collector gave in.
4 small boy of four summers was riding
90 hobby horse with companion. He
was seated rather unconfortably on the
horses neck. After reflective pause, be
said, 1 think if one of us gets off, I could
ride much better.
'sYou advertise that there is fine
stream of water on the place, but don It
see it, remarked a stranger who wanted
TO rent the place. The landlord said ::
Just work that pump handle little, and
you will see fine stream of water. You
don t expect to have the Niagara Falls Oh
che place for SIS a month, do you ?"
How do you feel, my little man 2"
asked youth of bis sweethearts little
brother. The young hend looked up at
llim sdewise and with grin responded
II ee ell Just as if I'd like to have dlme."
he got it. bnt his prospective hrother-in-
law now avoids the health question.
"I've been to see Mrs. Tittletattle," said
Mrs Telltale, land the way she ran On
about you was perfectly scandalous." $50
she's been talking about me, has she ?''
asked Mrs. Sensible, quietly. Yes, indeed
she has, replied Mrs Telltale. with en-
phasis. 'sWhat nice time you two must
have had,' said Mrs. Sensible, with a
sweet smile.
What is the key to this great my sterv
If death ?" selemnly inquired An orator.
causing impressively. And the man in
the front seat who had been coughing all
ehe evening huskily replied that he reckon
ed it must be skeleton key.
The ''sermonette," spoken Of so fire.
uently in the west, is not full sermon.
1t is a nice little new bonnet talk. sniff
Gent to call congregation of hearers to-
gether, but not powerful enough to wear
them out.
The deacon's wife wanted to jot down
the text, leaning over to her scapegrace
nephew. she whispered. shave you card
aDons you?n s.You can't play in church,"
was his solemn reproving answer, and the
good woman was so flustered the forgot all
about the text.
Politicians are not so bad as some peo-
pie would have us believe. Almost any Of
them would rather be politically RICH. than
politically left.
Baptist minister was once asked how
il was that he consented to the marriage
of his daughter to Presbyterian. We'll
be replied. as far as have ever been able
TO discover, Cupid never studied theolo-
gy.'"
A wag, speaking of friend whom he
suspected of living altogether beyond his |
means, observed that he believed he |
"would owe several thousand dollars after |
ali his debts were paid"
Ma" he asked. at dinner. "who was
Charlotte Russo 2'' ss.Oh," said Ma, ''she |
vas one of them old queens who made
trouble during the Restoration"
Said farmer, who was given to long !
drinks, to brother agriculturist: what |
breed of cattle would you advise me to
adopt ?" Short horns,' was the signii-
cant reply.
Four daughters of Kentucky farmer
eloped in one night, each couple taking
different road, and it drove the old man
about crazy to decide which party to pur-
sue. EE
It is rumored that certain members of
the class of 'S2 have decided to form a
league of total abstinence-from study.
Do you believe in love in cottage
Yes, but if you are burdened with pal
ace, don't be backward on that account l