The Durham recorder. [volume] (Durham, N.C.) 1879-19??, 1883-06-06
GENERAL ITEMS.
A fine fellow-the judge.

!, AhN 9bDa ~ SabS WhNh 'hSAi
new mustaches come out red.
Blessed is the bald headed man, fol
his wife can't pull his hair.
Agricultural item-Neyer cultivate
an acquaintance with a "rake."
, Another-Never attempt to weed
the walks of life with half,hoes.'
: There is a skeleton in every closet,
and old pieces of rusty wire in every
back yard. 1'
| A Good Rule-Nerer cross a
bridge until you get to it, or spend
your money until you earn it.
Possessed of evil spirits-a man
with flask of whiskey.
A modern philosopher thinks that
early rising is well enorgh as far as
bread is concerned.
"What made the mule kick you p"
"Do you think was fool enough to
go back and ask him?"
A man in the hands of a drunken
barber should be glad when he gets
ont of tight scrape.
How rapidly man loses all inter-
est in politics and national finances
when he shuts the door on his own
thumb"
A new song is entitled, "We Never
Speak As We Pass By" Probably
they are both courting the same girl.
Let every man add good name
. to his other capital" quoted the for
ger when he fixed up a ten.thousand-
dollar check.
Atone point in Illinois the cyclone
of last week killed 100 sheep. Many
poor farmers dog will go hungry
this summer.
A man in Massachusetts, does not
shoot the debancher of his family
but when the debaucher dies natur-
al death, his wicked skin may be
tanned.
"Oh, Mabel, dear, you act 50 queer,
what makes you act so forlorn?"
"Oh, Johnny-boo-boo. you'd act
so too, if you had such a corn"
A New York druggist is going to
open twenty-four soda fountains in
London. His scheme will result in a
fortune or grand frizz. .-..-.-,...s
Leadville, Col, during the past five
years has produced 2S.0O0, 900 ounces
of silver, 10000 tons of lead, and
20,090 ounces Of gold.
Nancy Lee" COW, brought S2,,
100 at auction in New York. The
butter from her, on the basis of her
cost, will be more than gilt.edgcd.
James Gorden Bennett estimates
his value of the New York Herald ut
Sl0,0O0.000 and says it is paying six
per cent. per annum interest on that
amount.
The Washington monument is tn he
higher than any of the pyramids, but
il will lack the centuries to look down
upon the various rascalities of the
capitol.
A Yale student swallowed his dia.
mond pin and is ninety-nine cents out
of pocket thereby.-NOrr. Herald.
Ila! il has come out at last! Yale
is the educator of our hotel clerks.
Professor Huxley says that the
presence Of a rat in the house always
indicates a connection with sewer.
This will surprise many people who
don't live within ten miles of sewer
and are troubled with rats.
An English servant girl, who had
returned from the United States to
visit her friends at home, was told
that she " looked really aristOcratic. |"
To which she responded: "Yes, in
America all of Us domestics belong TO
the hire class"
A young woman, lately looking at
a printing press at work, turned to
her companion, and in a most earnest
manner inquired: "Well, Charley,
an them's the things as writes the pa.
pers. Be's them what they call edi-
tOrs?"
Priest Pat, understand you are
going to he married again" Discon.
solate widowcr: "Yis, your riv'rence." +"
Priest: But your wife, Pat, has
only been dead two weeks" ID. w.
"Yis, your riv'rerce; but shure aint't
she as dead now as sho ever will be ?"
A boy wrote a composition on the
subject Of the Quakers, which he de.
scribed as a set Chat never quarrelled.
never got II to a fight. never clawed
each other, and never iawed back.
The production contained a postscript
in these wor,ls-Pa is Quaker, but
ma isn't.
The new Michigan Senator. Palmer,
is to deliver an address before far.
mers' club of that State. lie proba.
bly, expects to demonstrate that q wa.
termelon patch should be on suitable
soil. twenty miles from any college.
| Ex-senator Tabor's first wife, whom
he discarded as soon as he became a
millionaire, is SAID to remain faithful
in her affection for him, and though
she is now rich, she declares that the
happiest days Of her life were when
che kept his grocery store at Califor.
mia Gulch. ..
/ little Sam Wfinkler on visiting a
, neighboring family last Saturday was
addressed by the lady Of the house.
II dunno" said sam. Mamma
told me not to ask for cake, or pie, as
II did last time, and I'm softer at, a
loss to know what TO ask. for, for /