Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-08-26

NhN IVY w ~ SANNNAg AAs
ped at the door OF the grocery, dressed
in q blue wamuS. his breeehes tucked in
his boots, and an old hat on his head,
with a nO = In,t let out his hair through
the top. He had got out Of q democrat
wagon, and was holding the lines
hitched to a horse about forty years
old, that leaned against the hitching
post to TEST. only a shilling apiece"
go, go way" said the grocery a
81 only pay three cents apiece" And
then he looked at the boy and said,
"Hello, Henuery, is that you? have
missed q all the week, and now you
come on To ne sudden, disguised Is y
granger. What does this all mean?'
alt means that | have been the vic
tim of AZ vie n conspiracy Us ever was
known since Cesar was stabbed aHd
Mark Antony grated over his PROSTATE
corpse in the Roman forum, to an audi
ence of supes aud scene shiflers, y aud
the boy dropped The lines IN the silp-
walk, IN 7 sail, "Whna, gol darn you"
to the horse that was asleep,
wiped His BooIs IN the Grass
in front of the store and came in, and
seatsG himself TN the old half buShel.
ether, THIS seems like home again"
"WSat's the row? Who has been
playing i on you?' and the grocery
man smclled II sharp trade in cabhage-,
a. well rs other smells peculiar TO tue
farm.
"W,ll, I'll tell you. Lately our folks
have been constantly talking of the in
dependent life of the farmer, and how
e, ~ il j., and how they would like it'll
/ would learn to he n farmer. They
said there was nothing like it, and sew
Pral Of tue neighbOrS joined in aud said
| had the natural ability to be IN of
the most successful farmers in the State.
They ail drew pictures of the fun it was
TO wOIk on a farm, where you could get
Your work lone and take your tish-pOle
and go uirand catch fish, or y gun aud
go out and Kill game, and how you
could ride horses, and pitch hay, AMI
smell lie sweet perfume, and 60 u
hu>king bees aud dances, and every.
thing, aud they got me all worked up
80 ! wanted To 50 to work on q iarm.
Then
An Ola Deacon
flat bviuu.s 10 our church, who u n a
lAElll slbAll- SlEbN AAlASS "a Va "" u AZ
came un the scene aud said he wanted
p Toy, and It | would 90 out aud work
for him he would be a on me because
ne knew my folks, and we belonged 70
the same church. | can see il now. Ii
was all "A put W. job on me, just like
they play three card monte on a fresh
stranger. | was took in. By gosh, |
have been out there a week, n here's
what there Is lett Ofme. The only way
GOT chance to come to town Was LO
tell the farmer | could sell cabbageS to
you for u shilling u piece. l knew YOU
sold them for fifteen cents aud | thought
you would give q shilling. 50 the
farmer said he would pay me my wages
in cabbages at y shilling apiece n
only charge me 8 dollar for h horse
and wagon u bring them in. So you
only pay three cents. Here are thirty
CaUOaA,~, which Will come TO ninety
cents. Up adoliar for the horse, and
when | grrI hack 10 the farm ] " tue
farmer ten cents, besides working Il
week for nOthiug. ., it's all right. |
don't kick, but .hiS ends farming for
Hpnnery. | know when | have got
enough of AN easy life on a farm. |
prefer "a hard lie, breaking stones on
the streets, 10 an easy,
Dreamy Life
on a farm"
They did play il on you, didn't
they" said the grocery mar. but
wasn't the old deacon u good man To
work tOr??'
Good man nothin'," said the boy, as
he took up "A piece OF horse radish AMI
began to- .grate il on the inside Of his
rough hand. III tell you there's a heap
Of difference i'm a deacon in Sunday
school, telling about sowing wheat and
tareS, and q deacon out on 3 farm IN Il
hurrying season, when there Is hay TO
get m and wheat to harvest all at the
same time. | went out to the farm
Sunday evening with thedeacOn anu MS
wife, and they couldn't talk too much
auuut the nice time we would nave,and
the fun; but the deacon changed
more than forty degrees in five minutes
arer We got OUT to the farm. He jump
ed out of the wagon and pulled Off his
coat, ami let his wife climbOut over the
wheel, ami yelled TO the hired girl To
bring uuJ the milk pail, and told me TO
fly around aud u~nharneSS the horSe,and
throw down a lot OF hay for all the
work animals, and then told me to run
down 10 the pdster and drive up a lot OF
cows. The pasture vas half a mile
away, AID the cows were scattered
arOuUu IN the woods, aud
1he Mosquitoes Were Thick
and | got all covered with mud and
burrS, and stuug with tnistles, and
when | got the cattle near the house,
the old deacon yellel to me that l was
slower than mo, a,-es IN the winter, add
then | IOuk a cluO and tried to hurry
the COWS, aud ne yeI.Sd to me 10 stop
hurryIug, cause | would retard tue
flow 81 mix. By gosh | Wa mad. |
asked for u mosquito bar 10 put over
me next time | went after the cows, and
the people ali laughed az me, and wnen
1sat e. wn on the fence to SCrape the
mud OH NY sunday pants, the deacon
yelled Ikr he does i'm the rtYival, only
he SAID, come, come, prOcrastInaLlOn Is
the 81 If nf time. You get up and
lump yOuself and go and feed the pigs
he VS. :, darn mean that l could not
help throw \ , turl ok bur against
the side OF the COW he WAS milking, aud
II struck her r,gnt IN the flank On the
O;her side from where the deacon was.
Well, you'd a d de tn Sc the cow Jump
and Hat. All tour of her feet were on
the ground at a time, and /
guess most Of them hit the
deacon on his Sunday Vest aud
the rest hit he milk pail, and the COW
backed againNt the fence and bellered,
u tie deacon WAS all covered with
milk u COW hair, and he got up and
thTuwed
The Three-Lexged stool
at the cow and hit her OH the horn and
II glanced of and hit me on the pants
Just as l went over the fence to feed the
Pigs l didn't know 3 deacon could
talk so sassy at acOv, and come so near
swearing without actually saving cuss
words. Well, | logged swill until I was
hOmesiCk to my stomach, and then I
had to clean or horses, aud 90 to the
ntlghbOrs about a mile away to borrow
lot Of rakes to Use the next day. | Was
so tired l almost cried, and then I had
10 draw two barrels Of water with a well