Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-07-20
ALL SORTS.

A trial trip--Whcn the jury dis
agree.
A journalists club-The lead pen
Gil.
To the ''pooher" all things are
poor.
| The shades of night gather in dew
time.
| 1t takes the moon to bring q dog
to bay.
! A dumb bell can only emit mute
tap peal.
| A time honored court room--The
front parlor
| No sea,captains ever dreathed of
| fore castles in the air
| The foolishness that can't be cured
must be in dude.
| The porter of sleeping coach
should wear Il Cal bnnkle pin.
| Velvet lawns so called because they
must be kept veil vet to remain so.
| A man called his cat Plutarch, be
cause it had so many lives.
Two ancient pedagogues might
properly be called tanned -'em team.
One of the new rifle team is Mr.
Shakespeare. Now' we shall know
what's in an aim?
| There is tailor in town who speaks
of another in the same business as
one of his coat temporaries.
Misery may love company, but the
small boy doesn't when there's a
limited supply of fruit cake on the
tea table.
The slang phrase "a dead sure
thing" has been superseded by the
elegant expression, "a deceased
surety"
If woman loses her voice driving
cut chickens, could she be called
blacksmith? She certainly would be
hoarse shewer.
1t is understood that a rule of art
is reversed in the burlesque actress.
She must learn to paint before she
can draw.
A Jersey City undertaken adver-
tises that he furnishes 'every requi |
site for funeral" He must be a
doctor as we'll as an undertaken.
A New York girl, while walking
up Fifth avenue. stopped and kissed
horse. Just see to what straits the
dudes have brought the girls.
Jones says he feels sure that his
young hopeful, six months old, will
easily develop Il love for field sports,
because he is already such a base
bawler.
Some one has discovered that
good article Of pocket handkerchief
can be made of thistledown. If
true, thistledown the silk article.
Il saw you coming out of bar
room the other day" remarked a
lady to a gentleman. You wouldn't
have me stay there all the time,
would you?"
We have seen it asked who painted
Henry Kirke White. 1t was proba-
bly, the same person who painted
William Black. Thomas Gray and
the other Tom Brown.
The large stone hand of an idol in
Chinese temple recently fell off |
and severely injured worshiper be-
meath. Satan finds some mischief
still for idol hands to do"
did you dust the furniture this
morning, Mary?" asked the mistress.
mo, ma'am," replied Mary; 1T didn't
need it; it had all the dust on it that
it could easily hold" |
you're the plague of my lifew
exclaimed an angry husband. Il
wish the old Nick had you" $50 l
might plague you in the next world?"
calmly inquired the wife. |
Judge Ritchie, of Frederick, Md,
has sixteen beautiful and accom-
plished daughters, only one OF whom
is married This is what the French
would call an embarrassment of
Ritchie's.
1t is mean wretch who will slyly
drop a hair switch in car loaded
with women, and then smile as he
sees every woman make grab for
the back of her head when she no
tices it.
After popping the question, next
in order Is to question the pop
Does your son play the flute? Not |
we'll; but he is under tootle- age
Clock worked stockings are not nee
essarily second hand stockings.
A Michigan woman, with a short
and heavy stick. has set out to walk
| to California. 1t is nothing uncom
mon for actresses to travel all over
the country with half a dozen sticks,
and they make money at it, too.
MIR. Hammer is Chicago man who
is dreadfully bored by having people
tell him he ought to be able to hit
the nail on the head. He, however,
retorts that he never does as he's
wholly in the hands of his wife.
What is that with an Apron? That
my son, is a Woman. What is she
trying to Do? She is trying to drive
Ten pullets and a Gentleman Hen out
of the Garden. Will she do 1t? No,
my son, but she will spoil the Gar
den.
Il she uld like to see Mrs. Smith,
said Mrs. Brownloe; I'D give her a
piece of my mind" "Quite gener-
ous of you," remarked her friend;
"but perhaps she would never find
any more use for it than you have,
Mrs. Brownloe."
Don't you think Parson Brown is
man of considerable ardor?' in
quired friend of Mr.. Jollie. No"
was the reply; ION the contrary, l
inferred from the exhibit made at
dinner the last time he invited me
to dine with him that he was a man
of very little larder.'
First student: "How stupid! Here
my uncle sends me twenty marks as
a present" Second student: Il
should think you would be de-
| l;rbfa11 sNnf M oil. T VINO inst