The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-07-28
GUrKIPPAH ON BASE BALL.
The kentucky Colonel Grapples with an
Exciting but Painful Experience.

Exciting but Painful Experience.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Il done went to a baseball game yester-
day, sab, said Colonel Gutrippah
How do you like the national game,
Colonel?' asked the reporter.
II don't like it at all. sah,' he replied, We
hemently. II considah it game fit only
fob Yankee mechanics, sab. It's dangahous,
sah-dangahous"
Yes" assented the reporter; "tne players
do get badly hurt occasionally"
They playahsl' tine Colonel exclaimed,
contemptuously. What do they cussed spec
tatahs cahe fob they condemned playahs,
sab? It's they alls business to get injuahed.
What was talking about sab, is they dan
gah to gentlemen who attend they cussed
exhibition, sah"
Which game did you attend, Colonei?'
Il done attended they game with they Bos-
tons, sab. Boston culchah can't beat Chicago
cuSsedness sah."
DO you understand tile gamer" asked the
reporter
mo, sab; and don't want to. sah done
went to they game because | wanted TO see
what it was, sab. When | came away, sab,
didn't know as much about it, sab, as when 1
done went in, sah."
Tell me about it, Colonel"
well, sab, I'll tell you all, sah | done
bought ticket for fifty cents, sab, and went
along with the crowd until came to path
VI pdHs, Sdu. Stanteu TO cllmD over IHey
bahs to get in they cussed show, thinking all
the time it was a condemned nconvenient
way, when they mechanic who took the
tickets says:
What you doing, old man? Is you
crazyT
And he showed me against they cussed
bahs, sab. They bahs turned around, sab,
on swivel. sab, and 1 was in. l done took
seat on bench, sab, and pretty soon jul
venlle mechanic came around with cush-
ion. They seat was pretty cusSed hahd, sab,
and | done asked him if he wanted to sell
they cushion. He all said they price was
five cents, and bought it of him, sab.
Pretty soon a lot of mechanics in knee
britches, sab. come out on the ground and
began to toss the ball about, sab, and to hit
1t with chaih leg one of them had, sab.
Aftah awhile anothah lot of mechanics
dressed in shoht clothes, sab, came outand
began to toss they ball about, sab. while
they first lot sab, sat down on bench and
watched 'em doing it, sab.
up retty soon, sab, a bell rung-clang,
clang-and they all come togethah in
bunch sab, and thought they was going to
be fight, sab. But l was disappointed in
that, sah fob they all was meahy pitching
pennies for their drinks sab. Then half of
they mechanics in shoht clothes spread out
ovah they ground and one of 'em took they
chaih leg and stood up in they middle of
they lot, sab, while they rest set down on
mahk to kill time, sab. Then a couple of
they cussed, condemned mechanics, sab, be-
gan TO throw they ball back and forward,
sab, and they man with the chain leg tried
to hit it, sab. He all hit at it about foh times
and began to think. sab, he all would get
tiahed of swinging they chain leg sah when
all at once he all hit it on they cohnah
sab, and they ball came along like lightning
and struck me IN the abdomen, sab. | was
speeches. with Indignation, sab. boy next
to me, sab, done throw the ball back into
they lot, and in the operation, sah he all fell
ovah me, and knocked my hat off, sab. That
was the last feathah. sab, on they back of
they scared COW, l got up and said
Gentlemen, / am from Kaintucky. am
a old man and shoht winded, gentlemen. l
can't preach cussed sehmon, noh write con-
demned poetry My wife is dead and my
children is all grown up, gentlemen. I'm not
SO young as was twenty years ago; but spill
my Southern blood if 1 can't whip they
cussed. condemned, lop-eahed mechanic that
done hit me with that ball, in fob minutes
ina squah fight with bowie-knives, gentle
men
Y "Then they cussed mechanics laughed in
a sassy mannah, sah done set down
and took chew of tobaccah sab, like l
al ways does when I done get excited-you
all may have noticed it on me- sah."
The reporter said yes, he had noticed it.
"Well, sab, they mechanic with the chain
aud L wasn't paying much attention, sah
when all at once-spat! bif! and they ball.
psahS took me in the left eah. Fob few
minutes, sab, 1 done heard they bombahd-
ment of Atlanta, sab, they yelis of they
victorious party, and they shrieks of they
wounded. All at once | came to and remem
bered what struck me, sab. Cuss my liver
and kidneys, sab, but was maad. done
drew my knife and stahted fob fresh bleed
ing tivahs, sab. 1 fully intended to make
that ball lot resemble slaughter-house, sab,
in less than half an houah, sab.
"a policeman came up just then, sab, and
took away my Knife. sab. He all then, in
perfectly gentlemanly mannah. sah took my
ahm and esoohted me to they DOH sab. l
done shook hands with him, sab, and
thanked him fob helping me out alive, sah
He all said he all was glad if he all had been
of any sehvice to me, sah and went back in
they lot. They last done saw of they cussedr
condemned bail game, sab, vas they man
with they chaIh leg a-paddling wind,
sab. done come away without they cush
ion bought, sab. 1t was a bahgain for a
nickel, sab. Shall we all take Duh Beah
Grass now, sab, OH wait till we all get to they
tavahn?" sid