The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1883-04-12
WIT AND HUMOR.

The cat does not drink, yet it is generally
found dead in the gutter.-TNew Orleans
Picayune.
"I'm always getting things mixed as
the man said who had hash set before him
thirteen times a week.-[Boston Transcript
"a great change has come over me, u
sighed the small boy as he lugged home q
bag full OF pennies from the bank.-[New
York Advertiser.
Gentleman to waiter-"Bring me some
grammatical and typographical errors"
| Waiter looking puzzled at first, but recov-
ering in a moment his usual serenity
We are just out of them, sir" Gentleman
Then what do you mean by keeping
them on your bill Of fare?"-[Detroit Free
| Press.
Man at lephone-Confound you Can't
you hear? hear you easy enough" And
there came through the instrument these
remarkable words: "Should think you
might. You've got a big advantage over
me- Just think of the size of your ear."
The man threw down the receiver with q
Jerk and vowed that the telephone was a
blankety- blank humbug, and he'd have the
- thing taken out to-morrow.-IB Boston
Transcript.
A Cincinnati paper says that lone Of the
most useful yet neglected OF all the arts is
that Of lying in bed" After Cincinnati
editor has been lying in the editorial chair
all day, perhaps two-thirds of the night,
we shouldn't think he would worry much
about lying In bed. Lying in bed may be
neglected art-especially among tramps-
but the mother who has to yell six separate
times in the morning to get her 14-yesr-old
boy out OF bed will not believe it, Morris
town Herald.
The sick mans face became suddenly IL
Illuminated with heavenly radiance; an I'M
wonted light beamed from his eyes, and be
eyes, and he moved his lips as II be would
speak. His fearful wife bent down her ear
10 hear the last words that should pass
those lips which we're so soon TO be stilled
forever. In n faint whisper, but yet full Of
Joy and peace and hope. the dying man
murmured: II die happy; / shall escape
the house-cleaningl" Then all was still.
His spirit had fled.-TBoston Transcript.
A young lady Of Denlon recently OBJ
tanned judgment before one Of the local
magistrates against a former beau for IS,
the alleged value Of q piece Of jewelry-a
had loaned him, and which the young man
had lost or made away with, and refused 70
return 10 the young lady. The magistrate
last week issued an execution for the debt,
and as the ouandom beau IL possessed Of
some property, the young lady expects 10
recover the amount.-lBsltimore Day.
Say, say, BlobsoDi" whispered Popin-
jays nudging his neighbOr at the opera-
house the other night. See that young
man. FIVE rows ahead there. with the seal
skin collar and checked ulster7 Hes real
nobleman. sir-fact. Come down from
Montreal. He's baron o-Of-" Just then
the young man turned bis placid asinine
face and great vacant eye-glass in the direc-
ton n the two worthy burghers. YES,
vel understand what you mean" as
seuted Blobs0n. Hes baron Of int iect.
-fBuriington Free Press
Af,urnos r. aivays within the easy reach
81 the British Literary man AL he has ~
90 lei o. risif America and 70 home and
write q book giving It's bi0ofnin' country
particular fis This vii make
lin soIid With bis c1mpstri0is
I'D cause fhe-1 20 c1rne down
hnndso1neiy. Then. amer year Or Two. he
rsrs ~ . slc1nd visit and On retu-tiuz n
~ native hesfh be NrItes 9 second book,
in uhiri Be takes back al fbe misrerre-
renisiions. al he satire nnd eli TIE Les IN
a i f-st volume. md Eivts us tnly inste1c-
r = second book cons. qnsnly teEez bert.
- hi1 f-st one % ever fbers.-lBcsio1
T-z1sUipt-