Morris tribune., 1883-04-14
SPOOPENDTKE.
He Corres Himseif scith Rasor, an tss
Jsma EoMtsttc Jsngi Fofiotcs

He Ca9ces Himself scith Rasor, an t,ts
| sWa Eomtstic Jss.gi Fosio,cs.
MY dearl" exclaimed Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, dropping his razor and examin-
ing his chin with startling eyes, my
dear, bring me some court plaster,
! quickl I've plowed off half my
| chin"
"Let me see!" demanded Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, bobbing up and futtering
around her husband. "Great gracious,
what cut Wait a minute" and she
shot into the closet and out again.
"Quick!" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
I'm bleeding to death! fetch me that
court plaster!"
"Oh, dearp moaned Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. Il put it-oh, where did / put
it?"
bod CAST the putty!" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke, who had heard his wife
imperfectly. "What dye tn nix this is,
a crack in the wall? Got some sort OF
notion that there is draught through
here. Court plaster, I tell you! Bring
me some court plaster before I pull ont
the side of this house and get some
from the neighbors!"
just then it occurred to Mrs. Spoop-
endyke that she had put the plaster in
the clock.
Here it is, dear!" and she shipped
off a piece and handed it to him.
Mr.. Spoopendyke put it on the end
of his tongue, holding his thumb over
the wound When it was thoroughly
wetted, it stuck to his finger, VIII; e the
carnage ran down his chin. He jabbel-
away at the cut, but the plaster hung
to his digit until finally his patience
was thoroughly exhausted.
whats the matter with the measly
business ?" he yelled. "Where'd We
buy this plaster? Come off, dod gas.
ye!" and as he plucked it off his finger
it grew to his thumb. Stick, vii ya?"
he sqlealed, plugging at the cut il Ii
chin. Leave go that thumb and he
whi~led around on his heel and pe~gcd
at it again. why don't we bring ms
some court plaster?" he shr eked, turn
ing on his trembling wife. "Who asEc,!
We for leech? Bring me some h.rg
that knows thumb from & chin" aid
he planted his thumb on the w,url
and screwed it around vindictiye'y.
This time the plaster let go and
slipped up to the corner of his mouth.
"Now it's all right, dear" sm lei
Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to secure
peace in the family. "It's all right
now!"
think it is, do YEP" raved Mr..
Sroopendyke, with fearful grin.
Maybe you've got the same idea
that court plaster has! P'raps you
think that mouth was cut with razor.
Maybe you are under the impression
that this hole in my visage was meant
to succumb to the persuasion of bit of
plaster Come off! Let go that mouth"
and, as he gave it wipe, it stuck to
the palm Of his hand as though it had
been born there.
aLet me try" suggested Mrs. Spoop-
endyke; IT know how to do it"
"Then why didn't ye do it frst?"
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. "What did
We want to wait until I'd lost three gal
Ions of gore for? Oh, you know how
to do it! You only want a wooden back
and bottle of mucilage up your side to
be county hospital. Stick, dod CAST
YEP and he clapped the wrong hand
over his jaw. "Tll hold ye there till We
stick, if I hold We till my wife learns
somethingl" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
pranced up and down the room with a
face indicative of stern determination.
aLet me see, DEAR" said his wife,
approaching him with a smile, and,
gently drawing away his hand, she
deity adjusted another piece of plas-
ter.
"That was my piece, after ALL"
growled Mr.. Spoopendyke, eying the
job and glancing at the palm of his
hand to find his own piece of plaster
rono @You always come in after the
funeral"
u guess you'll find your piece stick