davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
ExECRABLE EcCENTRIoITIEs
LEGAL INTELLIGENCE.

Not long since an Austin lawyer
was appointed by the district Judge
to examine a candidate for admission
to the bar. The young man was
rather deficient in Blackstone and
Greenleaf. It looked very much as
though he lacked the requisite prep
aration.
"Do you know what fraud is in the
judicial sense OF the wordT inquired
the examining attorney.
Il don't-I hardly think I do"
was the stammering reply.
"Well. fraud exists when man
takes advantage of his superior knowl-
edge to injure an ignorant person" "
$50, that's it, is it, Then if you
take advantage of your superior
knowledge of law to ask me questions
l can't answer, owing to my igno-
rance, and, in consequence thereby,
l am refused a license, 1 will be in
jured. and you will be guilty of
fraud. Won't you, judge?
The lawyer was very thoughtful
for a few moments, and then added,
reflectively:
my young friend, I perceive you
have great natural qualifications for
the bar, and / shall recommend that
large, handsomely engrossed and
richly engraved license be granted
you in spite OF your ignorance."--
Texas Siftings.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
A,w0MAN WHO BORE NINE CHILDREN AT
THREE BIRTHS.

A number of charitable ladies
from Philadelphia and New York,
spending the summer at Island
Heights, a lovely summer resort en-
Toms river, N. j., are actively en-
gagged in raising donations of money
and clothing for a Mrs. johnson, re-
siding in small cottage at that place.
who has just given birth to the third
set of triplets. The latest arrivals are
three chubby, growing children, the
very pictures of health, and all girls.
The only way that they are distin
guished from each other is by their
clothing, which some of the ladies
had mischievously marked Faith"
"Hope" and "Charity." The parents
are both large and well-formed per-
sons, and MIR. johnson is employed as a
Iaborer on neighboring farm. The
six other children of Mr.. and Mrs.
johnson are all stout and healthy,
and are all under eight years of age.
The cottagers and boarders in the
neighborhood have given parlor en-
tertainments, taken up collections and
have resorted to various other means
Of relieving the family, who are poor
in circumstances. A large purse has
already been raised.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
H0RsE-RIDINa.

Horse riding is much better exer-
else than walking. The muscles OF
the arms and chest are exercised in
guiding the horse, those Of the back
are called into play in keeping the
balance, and those of the lower limbs
in springing from the saddle. The
mind, too, is diverted from thought
both by the necessity for ordering
the animals movements and by the
rapid passage Of objects on the road.
In fact, no mode Of exercise is SO de-
lightful as horse-riding, and Fannie
Kemble 'had reason" in always
speaking Of woman on horseback
as a happy woman" 1t is not easy,
however, for the majority OF middle
class people to employ this method
of improving their health and spirits
1.-The principal objection" as Oliver
Wendell Holmes says, 'is OF finan-
cial character. Riding is good for
those that are born with silver
mounted bride in their hand, and
can ride as much and as often as
they like, without thinking all the
time they hear that steady grinding
sound. as the horses jaws triturate
with calm, lateral movements, OF the
bank bills and promises to pay, upon
which it is notorious that the prof
gate animal in question feeds day
and night" A horse. indeed, is
rather q tyrannical servant. He will
catch cold, if you keep him standing
too long, and like Goldsmith's
Lovely Woman" will bring repent
ance to his master, and wiring his
bosom by dying off. He has his
liver, and his little tempers. and all
the rest Of it, jutt as much as your
self. The best of horses, like the
best OF husbands, is not perfect, and
is trying at times. Finally, he wants
saddling, and he wants dressing for;
and if you can only snatch half an
hour at a time for exercise, these are
undoubted obstacles to horse-riding
as the means of taking it.-[London
Society.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
THE MODERN EDIFICE WHICH THE HON
JACK ERECTED.

This is the mansion that quantity looks
Like a crazy collection of crannies and
hooks.
While the red painted roof in contrast is
seen
With the walls of decidedly bilious green,
And shady verandas, all darkly completed,
Which surrounded the new villa which Jack
erected.
This is the massive and finely carved door;
And the hall with its rich India rug on the
floor,
Which you see as you enter the cottage that
looks
Like crazy collection of crannies and
hooks, etc.
This is the brilliant electric light,
Which plainly reveals to our curious sight
The carvings upon the massive door,
And the hall with its rich India rug on the
floor,
Which you see as you enter the cottage that
looks
Like crazy collection of crannies and
hooks, etc.
This is the furniture. quaint and rare,
With monogram carved on each stately
chair,
Which is seen i'm the brilliant light,
Which also reveals to our curious sight
The carvings upon the massive door,
And the hall with its rich India rug on the
floor,
Which you see as you enter the cottage that
looks
Like crazy collection of crannies and
hooks, etc.
This is the fireplace, famous for miles,
For its exquisite frame of painted tiles,
Which lights up the furniture, quaint and
rare,
With a monogram carved on each stately
chair, etc.
These are the polished brazen "dogs,"
Which support the cracking beechwood logs
Inclosed by the fireplace, famous for miles,
For its exquisite frame of painted tiles,
Which lights up the furniture quaiut and
With monogram carved on each stately
chair,
Which is seen in the brilliant electric light,
Which also reveals to our curious sight,
The carvings upon the massive door,
And the hall with its rich India rug on the
hoor,
Which you see as you enter the cottage that
looks
Like crazy collection of crannies and
hooks, etc.,
While the red painted roof in contrast is
seen
With the walls of decidedly bilious green,
And the shady verandas, all darkly COM
plected,
Which surrounded the new villa which Jack
erected.
This is the charming youthful bride,
Who over this beautiful home will preside,
Who will gayly lead luxurious life,
As the rich old widower's second wife,
Very unlike the maiden forlorn,
Who MIXED the COW with the crumpled horn,
And worked on the farm from morn till
night
While she sewed for the priest by candle
light
In the first little house that Jack built.
Portland (Me.) Transcript.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
A SUBMARINE BALLOON.

The International Exhibition Of
Nice is reserving some wonders Tor
the foreigners who may propose to
pass a portion of the winters of 1888
"a upon the borders of the Mediter-
ranean. One of these wonders is q
balloon which its inventor, Nj. Toselli,
calls ''the observatory under the sea-"
It is made of steel and bronze, to en-
able it to resist the pressure which
the water produces at depth OF 120
meters. This observatory under the
sea" has a height of eight meters,
and is divided into three compart-
ments. The upper is reserved for
the commander to enatle him to
direct and to watch the working of
the observatory and to give to the
passengers the explanations neces
sary as to the depth Of the descent,
and what they will see in the depths
of the sea. The second Apartment,
in the centre Of the machine, is COM
fortably furnished for passengers to
the number of eight who are placed
so that they can see long distance
from the machine. They have under
their feet glass which enables them
to examine at their ease the bottom
of the sea. with its fishes, its plants
and its rocks. The obscurity being
almost complete at seventy meters OF
depth, the observatory will be pro-
vided with a powerful electric sun,
which sheds light to great distance
in lighting these depths. The pas
sengers have at their disposal a te
jephone, which allows them to con-
verse with their friends who have
stopped on the steamboat. which
transports the voyagers to such places
as are known as the most curious in
the neighborhood. They have also
handy a telegraph machine. Beneath
the passengers an apartment is re-
served for the machine, which is con-
structed on natural principles-that
is tc say, as the vessel OF the fish, be-
coming heavier or lighter at COM
mand, so as to enable the machine to
sink or rise at the wish of the opera
tor London News.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

BoYIsH GENEROSITY. - mo, Bob"
said Willie, generously; "that's the
largest piece; keep it yourself" and
ne pushed it back with the expression
Of a lad who has performed an act
that deserved to shine in a dark
world.
"Willie." said Bob, casting pc
culiar look at his companion from
between the half-closed lids of his
lett eye, Il know what's the matter"
"WLat7" asked Willie, serenely.
why, this watermelon amt ripe"
IBrooklyn Eagle.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

A contemporary says; "The we'd
ding bellies, how they ring" The re-
mark leaves us in quandary. for
now we wonder whether it is the bellies
or bells that ring, and if the former,
whether they ring or wiring. We
know the bride usually has her hand
ringed. and perhaps the other bellies
at the wedding wiring their hands be-
cause they are not brides. How 10 it.
snyhowi-{Oil City Derrick.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

Northampton, Mass, has a woman
who cares for a husband who has not
been able to dress or feed himself for
several years. She does all the
work for large family, has an excel
lent vegetable garden which she
manages by herself, and also has
large broods OF ducks and chickens.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

The plaintiff in st. Louis suit
lor the recovery of money paid for
sealkin sack AYERS, in her formal
complaint, that the garment "hung
upon her person in most ungainly
% manner, destroying her peace of mind
while wearing it."
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

Circumstances do alter cases. A
telegraph boy has been known to
actually run with a message, when
there was fire in the direction Of its
destination.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
AN ORIGINAL SKETCH OF BENJAMIN
FRANKLIN.

Mark Twain has been writing an
account of the American printer.
Patriot, and Philosopher" As will
be seen, it varies very considerably
from previous estimates of his char
acter.
Benjamin Franklin was one of those
persons whom they call philosophers
He was twins, being born simultane-
ously in two different houses in the
city of Boston. These houses remain
until this day, and have signs upon
them worded in accordance with the
facts. The signs are considered well
enough to have, though not necessary,
because the inhabitants point out the
two birth places to the stranger any
how, and sometimes as often as several
times in the same day. The subject
of this memoir was of a vicious dis
position, and early prostituted his
talents to the invention of maxims
and aphorisms calculated to infiict
suffering upon the rising generation
of all subsequent ages. His simplest
acts, also, were contrived with view
to their beng held up Tor.
THE EMULATION OF BOYS
for ever-boys who might otherwise
have been happy. 1t was in this
spirit that he became the son Of a
soap boiler, and probably for no other
reason than that the efforts of all
future boys who tried to be anything
might be looked upon with suspicion
unless they were the sons of soap
boilers. With a malevolence which
is without parallel in history, he
would work all day, and then sit up
nights, and let on to be studying
algebra by the light OF smuldering
fire, so that all other boys might have
to do that also, or else have Benjamin
Franklin thrown up to them. Not
satisfied with these proceedings, he
had a fashion of living wholly on
Dread and water, and studying astro-
nomy at meal time-a thing which
has brought affiiction to millions Of
boys since, whose fathers had read
Franklin's
PERNICIoUs BIOGRAPHY.
His maxims were full of animosity
toward boys. Nowadays a boy can
not follow out single natural in
stinct without tun,bling over some Of
those everlasting aphorisms and hear
ing from Franklin on the spot. If he
buys two cents worth Of peanuts,
his father says, Remember what
Franklin has said, my son--'A groat
a days penny years" and the com
forts al gone out of those peanuts.
If he wants to spin his top when he
is done work, his father quotes.
"Procrastination is the thief of time" |"
II he does virtuous action. he never
gets anything for it, because ''Virtue
is its own reward" And that boy is
bounded to death and robbed of his
natural rest because Franklin said
once, in one of his inspired flights
of malignity-
+" Early to bed and early to rise
Makes man healthy and wealthy and
wisa."
As if it were any object to boy to be
healthy and wealthy and wise on
such terms. The sorrrw that that
maxim has cost me through my
parents experimenting on me with
It, tongue cannot tell. The Legitimate
result il my present state OF general
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

A contemporary asserts that the
latest thing out is q bad husband.
What about the gas in his wifs's
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
JAMES A. GILLIAND,

BY arrangements with reliable land attorne' s
In Olympia and Washington, ID. g., my custo-
mers can have their land business attended to
the same as if personally present at either place.
Parties wishing to. purchase or locate Land
Scrip, would do well to consult me.
wAll latest Land Laws, Rules and Decisions
kept on file. Land Warrants bought and sold.
Conveyancing, taxes paid, purchases and sales
made. Collections made and proceeds prompt:
ly remitted. IL u
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

A little boy in school gave one Of
the best definitions ever given Of
economy; "Paring potatoes thin"
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

When a man dies penniless, his
descendants ruefully admit that they
are badly left
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.

nERSONS IN NEED OF LEGAL BLANKS.
/ such as Chattel Mortgages, Quit-Claluls. and
Warranty Deeds etc. would do well to make ap-
plication at this office, where they can be OBJ
tanned at reasonable prices. Blanks printed 10
order on short notice.
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

The CHI
tR every
3, to Jan.
no sends
s ia post
cy. THR
md most
the West,
with the
Send In
|'.Addresa
FER,
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06
ANACORTES, w. L, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6, 1888.

debility, indigence, and mental aber
ration. My parents used to have me
up before nine o'clock in the morning,
sometimes. when l was boy. If
they had let me take my natural rest,
where would l have been now? Keep
ing store, no doubt, and respected by
all. And what
Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-06

| B NEW
rs being
4 T'arter
purity,
Else.
D BAK-
he very
price for
ers rep
materials
are sold
lis them
tLAND
t falling
'ior pow
the part
Finding
BLAND
brands
as asgood.
hey en-
ces, and
J. 4 co.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-16

into my cell, and 1 tried to bite it. She made the hair fly, but killed her. don't know how long remained here, but one morning the sun rose and shone in at me through the window. It seemed to be the first time that had seen the great luminary for months. A mist cleared from before my eyes. My brain began to work, and suddenly l realized that had been insane. called the keeper, and when he saw me, he ex- claimed, Thank God" and grasped my hand. was not long in putting on another suit of clothes, and turning my face toward home. A physician said that
 was cured, and everybody seemed bright and happy at my recovery. l
 boarded train, with a gentleman, and went home. My wife fainted when she saw me and learned that had recovered
 my mind. Iasked for my little children, and two big boys and young lady came forward and greeted me. had been in
 the asylum twelve years"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-16
Men Killed in War.
Exchange

In the days of hand,o-hand fighting. whe;i missile weapons were employed by a comparatively small portion of the com baiants. the vanqu,shed were generally a.mos, annihi.a;ed, and the victors sat- fered enormously. At Canne ..o.ooo Romans out of So.ooo were killed. At Hastings the Normans. through ;he vic tors. lost 10000 men out of 6o,ooo. and a, Crcey 5000 Frenchmen out of fo.o aoo were, t IS asserted. killed. withou, reck- oniIg the wounded. When the filn,-lock reigned the average of the proportion of the killed and wounded in ten battles, beginning with Zorndoff. i7sS, and end ins with Waterloo, was from one-fourth to oae-iith of the troops present or both sides. The heavics, loss wss a, Zosndorf. where Sc.9io men ou, of Sc.ooo were killed or wounded. IL was also very heavy a, Eylau. being SS.ooo casualties out of 100000 men. In the campaign ia Italy in 1859 rifles were used on both sides, and we md that the proportion of casualties to combatauts was al Magenta and Soixrno one eleventh. In the Frarco-rrussian war of IS7o--i. when both sides were armed with breech load ing rifles, the average proportion oi killed and wounded a, Worth Spieheren. Mars la-Tour. Gras~lo,;e and Sedan one-nin,h. the heaviest loss being at Mars-ia-Tour, where l, was one-siAth, and the sraalles, a, Sedan, where II was one-swelfth-
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-16

change in regard to dueling. A few years ago, in Arkansaw, man who would not respond to the bloody call was regarded as a coward. Now the man who would respond is regarded as brutal. The law did not effect this change of sen- timent. Orators did not effect it. The pulpit cried out against il, but was pow erless. The great reformation was left for the newspapers. Healthful ridicule laughed ii out of coun,enance. Sharp sarcasm cut it until it was glad to hide its head among the knee-breeches and barn. door trousers of the past. Profound moral arguments failed The duelis, also had an argument in support of his tragic theory. Reason could accomplish noth- ing, for the duelis, m maintained his position by reasoning power which we'll he yielded; but ridicule arose and de- manded An unconditional surrender. It laughed at arguments and booted at reasons. It made the people laugh at the chivalrous gentlemen. It scattered the tin- sel of sickly heroism. The brave gentle men could stand anything but laughter. You may curse q man, and with injured dignity he proudly arises in resentment. but laugh at him, and he wilts like a cab bage plant set out in the heat of the day.
 The people of Arkansaw do not fight duels. Probably there are not two prom inen. men in the state who are so re- gardless of public opinion as 10 accept or send challenge. Men who few years ago gloried in i, would scorn it now. If man were to challenge the editor of this paper, he would say: No sir, do not fight duels. will meet you in T watermelon contest. and will turn a grind-stone with you against time, bu, I won't step out and spoil your shirt bosom with pistol. am not afraid to fight you, but don, wan, to hurt you. was taught never t.. inflict pain never to make a fellow-creature fee. uncom- fortable, but if you must have my blood. if fight Is the only soothing remedy known to your experience. come to my place of business. Come when am out of town.'
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-16

THIS time of year is, in the country, known as the beginning of the bilious season. The bilious season, though the very thought seems unreasonable, is hailed with pleasure by the average far mer It is difficult to conceive how any one bu, a doctor welcomes the sickly season, but yet it is fact. It is an established opinion that man mus, drink whisky to keep off billiousness- women, though, are not benefited by the hilarous liquid. Why whisky will keep malaria away from man and no, have the slightest tendency 10 keep it away from woman is something that medical scienceNaas failed to successfully investi- gate. When man gets drunk during the bilious season he can go home with impunity What's the matter." his wife may say when he s,aggcrs into the room. Bilious - This explains the trouble. The woman knows that even if he has taken little too much medicine he did it to save his health and consoles herself with the though, ,ha, it is better to take little too much of remedy than none at all. The bilious season lasts until frost covers, you may say, the entire fishing season. The whole thing has been pretty well arranged.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-16

AN Atlanta newspaper says tha, the great growth and enterprise, wealth and general shove imputed to that city, was gotten up by land spectators, and that the city is greatly overated. hi. will no doubt be sad news to the people who have held up Atlanta as the great city that arose from the ashes af,er the war. and grew with life it had never before known. A great many people will learn with re- gret that the streets in Atlanta are not nearly so long as reported, and that the < dir dug from cellars is not worth any more than dir " dug from a village well. Who would have thought that the town was operating on a reputation 10 which it was not justly entitled. and that it has been detected in the fraud? It this sweeping investigation consinues, we sho id not be surprised to receive proof of the fact that Atlanta is a mere village, with only one justice of the peace, and a wooden ,ramway instead of a railroad. Investigations are running characters and industries in the south.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-16

UPON the occasion of every new inven- ton or discovery. some searcher oi the pas, comes forward and asserts that the Chinese used # hundreds of years ago. IL is now asserted that the Chinese used the telephone thousand years ago, and that the electric light was used in the days of Confucius. bu: that it fell into dis use. The Chinese arc really great peo- pie. but they did not make all of the dis coverie~ They may have used tobacco centuries before the discovery of Amer ioa, and may have glided around on roiler-skates before Socrates knew enough to blow his nose; they may have caugh, fish with . spoon-roll, and hunted birds with breech-loading shot-guns while Romulus tugged at the lacteal fountains of the wolf; they may have killed each other on suspension bridges, and their treasurers may have run away ~ath money, while the ancient dude "doffed his hat to let Queen Dido pass;s. but there Is one thing so which this grea, people cannot lay claim: They did not invent the metropolitan editor, whose duty t is to clip without giving credit. This man is an American production. The press is proud of him, and the Chi nee must not steal the honor of his in- venxion.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-16

\ COLLEGIATE education may not be all that is required in journalist, but II is great help. The popular idea ,ha, no classically educated man can succeed IS a journalist is false. The metropolitan newspapers now employ college men, and find them decidedly useful The other day university man entered a newspaper office and said to the manag- ing editor II have jus, graduated al college. and l would like 10 procure a situation on your journal. was editor of our college magazine-' ..'Nuti said the editor replied. You are the vey man want. The uncducated rooster who has been doing the clipping for this paper fell into the habit of giving credit. have discharged him, and shall employ you, knowing that you will never be guilty of such indiscretion.'