Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1883-02-16
Eslsff Rfaoing.
His Pa Goes Calling.

Saw, YOU are getting too altir' Il
smart, said the grocery man TO the bad
boy as he pushed him intoa corner by
the molasses barrel, and took him by
the neck. You have driven away
several of my best customers, coniound
YOU aud he took mp II cheese knife
.nd bryan to sharpen it on his boot.
w hat sthe-gurgle-matter, asked
tie choking boy, Ms the grocery man S
fingers let up on his throat little, so
he could speak. Il hain't done nothin'.'
'Didu't you hang up that dead gray
tom cat Ly the heels, in front Of my
store, with the rabbits | had for sale
| dlGn't notice it until the minister
called me out in front of the store, and
pointing TO the rabbits, asked what
good fat cats were selling for. BY
crimus, this thing has got TO stop. You
have got to move out of this ward or |
will
The boy g,t his breath aud said it
wasn't him th.t put tie cat up there.
lie said it Was the policeman. and he
and his chum saw him DO II, and he
just come in TO tell he grocery mau
atout II, aud before he could speak he
had his neck nearly pulled off. The
boy began to cry, aud the grocery man
told him he was only joking, and gave
him box Of sardlnes, ard they made
up. Then lie asked the boy how his
"a put in his Nvw Years, aud the boy
sighed aud laid:
We had y sad time at our house
New Years. Ia insisted on making
calls, aud ma and NE tried to prevent
it, but he said ne Was Of age and
guessed he could make calls If he
wanted TO, so he looked at the morn
ing papers aud rot The names of all the
places where they were going to re
ceivr. and he TUNED his paper collar,
aud changed ends With his cuffs, and
put some arnlca on his handkerchief,
4nd started out. Ma told him not to
drink anything. and he said he
wouldn't, but he did. lie MAS full
the third place he went 10. o, so full.
Some men csn get full and not show it,
bu; when IA gets full, he gets 50 full
his back teeth float, and his mouth
gets loose and wisgles all over his face,
and he laughs ali the time, and the
perspira,ion just oozes cut OF him, and
his face gets red and he walks S.
wide. o, he disgraced us all. At one
place he wished the hired girl happy
new year more than twenty times and
hung his hat on her elbow, and tried
10 put on rubber nall mat for bis
overshoes. At another place he car
ried away a card basket full Of bananas
and oranges Ma wanted my chum
aud me to follow pa and bring him
home, and about dark We found him
in the door yard of house where they
have statues in front Of the house, and
he grabbed ne by the arm, and mis-
took me for another caller, and insist
ed on introducing me 10 IA marble
statue, without any clothes on. He
said it was friend of his. and it was
a winter picnic He hung his hat on
an evergreen, and put his ovsrcoat on
the iron fence, and | was so mortified
| almost crie.l. My chum said if his
pa made ,nch circus Of himself he
would sand-bag him. That gave me
an idea, and when we got pa most
home went. and got paper box
covered with red paper, so II looked
Just like u brick, and bottle of toma,
10 keichup, and when We got pa up
on The steps at h. NE hit him with
the paper bricS, and my chum squirt
ed the kelchup on hi, head, and We
dem nded h5s money, and then he yel-
led murder. and we lit ont and ma and
the minister, who was making "a call
on her, all the afternoon, they came to
the door and pulled pa in. He said he
had been attacked by band Of rob-
bers, and they knocked his brains ont,
but he whipped them. and then ma
saw the ketchup brains oozing out OF
his head, and she screamed, and the
minister said, Good heavens, he is
murdered and just then | came in the
back door and they sent me after the
doctor, and they put pa on the lounge
and tied uphis head with a towel to keep
the brains in, and pa began to snore,
and when the doctor came in it took
them half an hour to wake him, and
then he was awful sick to his stun
mick, and ma asked the doctor if he
would live, and the doc analyzed the
ketchup and smelled of it. and told
ma he would be all right if he had a
little Worcester sauce to put on with
the ketchup, and when he said pa
would pull through, ma looked sad.
Then pa opened his eyes and saw the
minister, and said that was one of the
robbers that jumped on-him, and he
wanted to whip the minister, but the
doc held pas arms and ma sat on his
legs, and the minister said he had got
some other calls to make, and he
wished ma happy new year in the
hall fifteen minutes. His happy new
year to ma is 'most as long as his pray
ers. Well, We got pa to bed, and when