davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28
A LAWYER FOOLED.
The Eloquence which Won An Old Sol
dier's Suit.

A distinguished company Of lawyers
sat in the Supreme Courtroom recent
ly talking over old times. Among
them was Colonel Charles S. Spencer.
He was in his usual happy vein, and
told new story.
II was retained he said, s'by an ex-
soldier Of the war to sue for the recovery
of some $500. which he had loaned to
friend. The late Edwin James was
counsel for the defendant. [ went to
work zealously for my client. James
cross-cXamincd the plaintiff in his usual
forcible way
You loaned him 81, s00on Mr..
James asked
- did, sir, was the reply.
1T was your own money! Mr..
James continued.
g 1T was, sir, my client responded.
When did you lend him the
money! was the next question
".ln July, 1865, was the reply.
g Where did you get that money.
sir?:' Mr.. James asked sternly.
al earned it, sir. The words were
said in meek tone.
You earned il, eho When did YOU
earn II. asked MT. James.
"During the war, sir, was the reply,
still in Il very humble tone
You earned it during the war
Pray, what was your occupation during
the war; Mr. James asked.
Fighting, sir, the man replied
modestly
" oh, fighting Mr.. James said,
somewhat taken down, and instantly
changing his manner.
Il smiled triumphantly, and even
snickcrcd little. James was half
mad. Well, we went to the Jury and
|, Of course, had the last to say. |
sailed away UP to glory ] spoke of the
war, of the lives and treasures it cost
us; Of the awful battles that decided the
fate of the Union Of the seh-denial and
bravery OF our men who left home, and
wife, and children. and father and
mother, and everything that was dear
to them, and went forth to fight for
fireside and freedom, and the salvation
of the nation. | pointed to the plant
III as he sat there, still with the same
air Of humility, and even sadness. /
said that was the sort of man who had
fought our battles and saved our FLAG,
and she'd his life-blood that we and our
children might enjoy, uncurtailed. the
glorious blessings of freedom wrenched
from the hands of despots by our sires
worked up that jury, and the plaintiff
himself drew forth an unpretentious
handkerchief and wiped away tear. I
got verdict for the full amount, of
course.
..As we We're quitting the court-room
James said: Spencer, your war speech
gained you the verdict. If you hadn't
discovered through my cross-examina-
ton that the man had fought in the war
you would have been beaten.
"'My friend, l replied, sif you had
only asked the man which side he
fought on, You might be going home
with a verdict. My client was an old
rebel. "-BrOoklyn Eagle.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28
WHOLE NUMBER 3s9
Patent Annlied For

i
Trying a fire escape down the ave.
nue'' he said as he slid upstairs yester-
day and sat down on the edge OF {.
chair.
Eyes
''They cost money and are in the
way"
YES
:sAnd nobody ever heard of an es-
cape by 4 fire escape.
Never
81 have some stray theories OF my
oWn, he continued rs he gathered
confidence enough TO occupy the chair.
'.Out of the. $4,000 hotels in this couu-
try. only seventy-eight are DESTROYED
per year There are thus 1922 chances
that YOU won't be stopping at the hotel
which burns
Exactly
'Out OF the seventy-eigh hotels
destroyed per year there were only four
eases where life was lost. There's an
other scventy-four chances for YOU
II see.''
''And taking the average. only thir-
teen guests persisted to a hotel. OF
these, four or five We're lame, and the
o.A>A' WV SotiAi SiCCpClS. hctllN,
sir, but we arc not SO bad off as the pa
pers try to make out.
Seems not.
''But there is no call for any loss of
life whatever he went on. :.Chinese
labor is very cheap. Suppose that each
hotel keeps 100 Cinnamon hanging
around9 For thirty cents guest can
hire one of these Mongolians to sit by
his door all night and listen for the cry
Of fire, and help carry baggage down
stairs when it comes. Let an electric
Wire be connected to each Chinaman,
and the night clelk down stairs sends q
shock around every five minutes to keep
them awake. Only thirty cents to sleep
in absolute safety in hotel! Why, sir,
I'd pay thirty-fivc in minute yes,
forty OF EN-, and if the old woman was
along I'd make it seventy-fvc cents and
throw in a plug of tobacco. What do
you think OF my theory?''
very good.''
kin l get it patentcd?''
Perhaps
'Then I'll do it. I'm not going to
rack and wrench my head for the oene-
fit of hotels. III apply for q patent
and sell county rights for $3.50 each,
and if l don't bankrupt these fire-escape
chaps you can call me a cahooter!
Egad! but when folks pint me out for :,
fool they don't even know the color OF
the old coOn's fur!''
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28
A Rich Zinc Mine in England.

The remarkable find of blende (zinc
ore) at the Magpie mine, Derbyshire,
which was briefly noticed in the Times
of Friday, is exciting great interest in
mining circles all over the country. The
mine is situated near Blackwell, in High
Park, and has been worked for three or
four hundred years with the exception
OF short interval from 184S to 1869.
In the latter year it was again opened
out. but the proprietors had a prolonged
struggle against water, the great enemy
Of lead mining in North Derbyshire.
For nearly two years pumping was car
ried on at an expenditure of SO tons OF
coal per week. During this period the
owners raised f19,0OO worth Of ore at
considerable profit, but in consequence
OF the great expenditure of coal it was
thought advisable to suspend pumping,
and to get rid of the water by driving a
level. This work was begun in 1873
and was finished in 1881. at cost OF
914,O0O, the level, nearly 1000 yards
long, unwatering the mine to depth OF
1876 yards. A few weeks ago Mr.. Sim
mons, the captain of the mine, made
the discovery of a seam of blende 5 feet
wide. which increases in width the fur
ther it is explored. Mr.. Simmons re-
CARDS the discovery as most wonderful
and altogether unparalleled in this
country. He estimates that there are at
least 10000 tons of ore in the seam,
worth f3 lbs. Cd. per ton. The CON-
pany are now making a roadway to
their rich deposit and laying down
four-feet track, on which the ore will be
conveyed out of the workings. Twenty
yards from this find of ore the work
men came upon an immense natural
cavern, % yards long. extending for II
yards overhead and for an unknown
depth below water. This cavern was
sufficiently large to hold the whole OF
the debris excavated during six months,
and was of great convenience to the
company.--London Times
~
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28
Where to HAVE Bills Sent,

In Dakota town, one Sunday after
noon the Postmaster called on his
neighbor, and as he took his departure
he informed his neighbor that there was
letter in the Postoi1ice for him. A few
days afterwards the Postmaster met his
neighbor in Il saloon and told him again
about the letter, that bore his address.
John discharged a stream of tobacco
juice, Strengthened up, and said
'William, from what State did the
letter Gomez
"Ohio, replied the F. NJ.
''Send it to the dcad-lclter office.
That letter contains my grocery bill.
Confound that grocery man, he has dis
covered my location again. = Peck 8
Sun.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28

The thirty-seven Methodist colleges
in this country have 2.7sG students and
$500, 600 income; the thirty-one Baptist
colleges 4,6O9 students, and S49l coo in.
come; the twenty-sis Congregational
colleges 1852 students, and 1929, 600 in
come, and the thirteen Presbyterian
colleges AT students, and s212. 0OOin-
come.
The ladder is becoming i. eonspic,,-
Gus decoration Of New York hotel
fronts.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28

t:.Indeed. shall not buy my wife
sealskin sacque,'' remarked a Philadel-
phia man. '..Tiey are SO hard to get
OFF that the fair owners keep them on
when making calls and are sure to tako
cold when tie; go cut again into the
open air. love II. "ifc sto much Il,
expose her t. such dangers.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28
He Struck Ont.

: When man fishes for compliment
he is apt to get more than he wants.
The best way in which to get praise Is
to do something which demands it. An
actor once said to Garrick: don't you
think struck out some beauties in my
acting last night?' And the great come
dian replied, without changing mus
Gle. well: yes l thought you struck
them all ont
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28

Massachusetts citizens have petition
ed the Legislature to pass uniform tele-
phone law. They object to the arbitrary
and discriminating rules which the tele.
phone companies are compelling them
to sion,
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28

We have heard negroes singing ..I'm
bound for the promised land while
stalking along the strest at night. But
they couldn't fool us that way; they
were bound for somebody's hen roost.-
Park CITY Times.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28

Iif. francis states IN a PAPER read Ii.
fore the Hasvcian Society. LONDON, thai
the habit OF tea drinking nj and between
meals, nov SO common in England.
renders people peculiarly liable to neu-
Iaigia. lady in England wrote to her
husband in India: III you wish ever to
see me again, come al once. am very
i'll. She asked her medical attendant
to write also, which he did as follows:
.Stay where you are; Il your wife would
only take less tea. she would 10 qpito
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28
Long Distance Telephones,

Experiments in talking over long dis
tances were made recently in the Office
of the Mutual Union Company, 13s
Broadway, New York, where converse
ton was carried on easily. first with
ground circuit and Hopkins telephone
between New York and Westfield.
Mass, by way of Danbnry. Hartfore
and Springfield, a distance OF 16o miles.
Another wire by way of Albany was i'm
troduced, and instead Of grounding the
wires a metallic circuit was used, thu.
getting rid of induction disturbances.
With circuit measuring 400 miles in
distance. conversation was carried on
with equal ease. Experiments are to be
made with wire between New York
and Buffalo, giving, with return wire, Il
distance Of nearly Loco miles. Utica
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20
All I see.

An old man was arranged bef>rc
an Arkansaw court, for some trlllng
o!irnsc, and among the witnesses was
in old woman, who, in giving her tes-
timonv, made such efforts to shield
the old man, that the judge asked:
"Maa no have you known this
man yeryhhg:
Yes, SIR the old woman replied,
i have known him a very long time,
When | was a young girl this man
used to visit me, In fact, judge, we
were sweethearts, and she twisted
her ~ ron and looked down,
'Ah, [, see, the judge replied,
used to be sWecthearts, and think so
much of each other now because you
did not marry each other them,
you ale mistaken, judge, Tor we
did marry each other then, and are
husband and wife now,
Indeed, the .judgc exclaimed, this
is remarkable ease, Liberate the
old fellow, Mr. officer,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20
Pearls OF Thought.


Silence does not always mark wis
dom,
A man that is young in years may
be old in hours,
Few advise how to make money,
many know how to spend it,
The umtru'hru man makes q bad
companion and worse friend,
In the DO k of life, as in the med
icaI books, the recipes come at the
end,
There is certain dignity to be
kept UP in pleasure as in business,
One must learn to accommodate
ones self to good fortune when it is
Few,
The things which we enjoy are
passing, and we are passing who en-
Joy them,
When a man is ont of money he
shows the least Of it, When he is
out of temper he shows tic most OF
It, IL
Men are guided less by conscience
than by glory and vet the shortest
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20
Job Work-CASH.
An old landmark-"For Sale
The best rife team-thc pickpock-

An old landmark-"For Sale
The best rife team-thc pickpock-
cts, ....
A man who breaks his word-the
Istutterer,
Ice cream may taste good but it's
cold comfort after all,
Rulers sway the people, but the
schoolmastcr sways the rulers,
The meanest man ont is one who
knows who will be next president but
will not tell,
Henry Bergh opposes angling be-
cause it not only lacerates the fish,
but encourages lying,
Out in Illinois if IL man washes his
face twice IL day and wears a COLLAR,
they Call him dude,
The man who drinks nothing but
cistern water is the one who leaves
we'll enough alone,
Adam was not a polygamISt, al
though in his day he married all the
women in the world,
If you hear man say that there IS
very little gambling going on at pres
ent YOU can safely infer that he
know. no better,
Young Muggins recently became u
party to very interesting sleight-of-
hand performance, His girl gave
him the mittcn,
"Were you in the late war p asked
a veteran Of badly demoralzed cit
IL N who came hobbling down the
street on a crutch, 81 don't know
how late YOU mcan,' was the sad re-
ply; "she gave me this one last night
before tea,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20
white hand was on his head as he die

Good dog, Tsar thank you sir,
1t was odd, indeed, but something
in that remark seemed aimed ut the
dog; and it must have bit him, too
by the proud way Of his walking off
but some of it went further. The
young physician assisted Percie into
the buggy, and drove it away: and ii
was quite a distance around the cor
ncr of tho main road that they passed
dimly discernible and quite breath
less group that leaned against a fence
Nobody going by in a buggy could
have heard them mutter:
Tell ye what, boy, that was
the awfulcst dog ever seem
Guess we won't try that there road
agin tonight. He's loose.
All them sort o dogs has got to be
killed off, or the roads won't be safe.
Perhaps, but at that moment Tsar
was rc-entering his own yard, fer be
went straight back to his quarters
lie stood for a moment turning over
his empty muzzle with his paw and
then lay heavily down, He thought
he understood the matter now,
.Hcber Gorham knew that that
Young lady would be in need Of ne,
IT. all right, but I doubt if | did my
whole duty, Uumuzzlcd, too, A lost
opportunity"
As to the tramps, yes, but not as to
all other parts Of his performance
He never knew how it afterwar1
came to pass, but before long he dis
covered that he had formed a habit Of
going down to the cove with Percie
Lec,to see her take sketches of islands,
trees, waves. COWS and other matters
and things, and Of remaining until
Heber Gorham, ,Jr, NJ, D, came to
take biz place, with or withouta a bug
cv, He filled fully to understand
the business until another sort of day
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20

! She arose Il little naSllly, DllC snt
gave the island a very long last look
as she closed her portfolio-lcne
enough for a bys5ander to hNe read
her name in gilt letters, on the leath-
er coyer-"Percie Lee But no one
was there to read, for a lonlicr spot
than that would be hard to find
however we'll adapted it might be fol
the making of marine sketches.
Perc,e was ilf the road in hall a
minute more, and she could but see
that the shadows We're lengthenlng
rapidly. She reflected 1T is lonely
for little way beyond DR. Gorham $,
but | won't mind it from that to the
village. 7 do hope | shall not meet
Hcber Gorham. ! will not speak to
him. if | do | won't even see him
He has not called since he came back
from Europe and hope he never
WILL M o,V'o' .'''A'
o''e s''o wv " :, -; -,
"'' ~ O., r..a.4n ,>,,
o'"a'o' '',',
s''"o' "e'se'' VIA '' ~ ~
"'' ms " -, ,..
i'''' ''''''o Wv '0' " "
:" f''lo' l'o4'0' ''0'' w " -
VI '''o'''' y, nv y =, ~ -
D''0 "' "'''' 49,.
"o0'' VIC Wv, 90, w., .,.,
"ne'' ''e '"~'''>''' '0'' i
''v~l'"'''' 'n' .l. ,,,
O''' ''"' wy
~ ~ S"', ' >7 , u, 1;I
WI, w '7' ,.,.,'
''oV '''''. ~ " '''"o "n' ,1
''0'-'e VI "e,' ''' '''''
''l"' N'" "a a''''
lie ~ ie''','S '"'' ''''"'
'"' W. SO' ''' Wv Wv
s'"'',' '''' '''l '' ,' ~ y, - =. ,
'o'' va w wy 49,
she tAIhh OF sNelchlh3 hAn' '''No"o"
he was certainly worth 1t, sac seem
Ell hardly to care 10 looN at i'l'I''
lsr' on ms part hao taken Il S'"'
look at lercie Lee lie WAS ''"' mis-
taken aoo"' "eF io' one '''oIN' ,'''
Very nice girl wen dressed
lret'y' TOO; oo' ''l' 5 out lat : M','
likely her '4nIy are 1flrh'S "l b'
Gorham. ! must h1Ie an eye on
that young iady' IL Is S''uhS q 'FN'
That eye was what startled Iefei'
50 dreadtU'!y Il moment later: Tor Sh'
happeled to look oeAiAu AeF' an"
there was t'at vast creature solemn
ly taNlnG after her, -e
lie Is loiioWlhH me! she eAclalm
ed,
Not DOUBT OF it, ana the i'ct 'fl''
nc St0nlJiI or Wpnt Oh lllSt us SIlt ulu
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20

lcnleu llllie MI edlu.s IL was hoo "
loud one, and there was mere surprise
in it than fear, but it was followed
by remarkable consequences.
/ Tsar had quickened his lordlv pace
full twenty seconds earlier, and for
some reason Of his own he had ad-
vanced a little under the shadow Of
the fence; but his eyes had not wan
dercd from the human beings in the
road before him. His head and tail
were raised trihe, and there was a
very peculiar expression on his broad,
hairy face. There was no love of
tramps in it at all.
on, no, we hain't hurt you. You
needn't squaIl.'
That was what the second of those
three rul1ians began to say, when an
awful, wrathful, roaring growl, as of
warning, sounded from some deep
iawed cavern among the shadows at
! the right of Percie Lee. 1t was fol-
lowed. in one long, elastic, power-ex
pressing bound, by Il huge dark form
that in one second was crouching in
front of her
The first and second tramp upset
the third, and tuhblcd over him, so
sudden was the retreat they made.
while Tslr, for their special benefit
and more ut length. repeated his
growl, with supplementary snarI
that sounded foarfulIv like the an
nounrement OF another spring for
ward.
The remarks made by all Of those
vagabonds, as they scrambled to their
feet, were in manner complimentary
to Tsar, although not intended to be
so.
Percie Lee stood behind her prot'c
tor, and she could not see, as they
did, the white rows of claiming te'th
and the fierce green light in the
threatening eyes. She could perfect
Iv understand, however, that there
was an enormous amount Of very
rood dog between h'r and any iurth-
er approach to ruiiian inSovence.--
she was almost astonishcd at the sud
den feeling Of security which clme
upon her and at the entire ease with
which she began to brett again.
Tsar did not spring lie did but
crouch ia that picturesque atttnd"
until the nearest tramp was fifty
yards away, on steady run and
then he stood erect, sending after his
enemies one deep, sonorous 'wo9t-oot,
20 keep them company.
Good dog goou fellow :
u'r-r.r-r,' was the gentle response
Of Ts,r, and he even wagged his tail,
moderately, but he did not conJe-
scend to look around. He walked
slowly on up the raad, ana it was now
p,roi =. +,n,, to "a 1nu, him
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20
Sc1rfhd Stojn.
LsY THE TSiR.

SSAte''"
AyvExED HY THE TsAas
lie WAS huge dog, and he stoo'
by the kennel in old DR. Gorharn'
b ,ck yard III an altitude OF deep med
i alton. There was one subject TO
thought lying right before him
and another lay only a yard or so be
yonl the first. 3
The one was an empty "muzzle
that lay upon the grass, close by
couple of well-picked bones. Th'
second was an equally empty stee
collar, with u strong chain attached
The onl Of the chain was hooked i'll
to staple at the side Of the kenne
door.
Tsar was dog to look twice at
His father had been a Siberian blood
hound and his mother an English
lnastih, and DIR Gorham would have
trusted him to pul down Il wild bull
or to ri, g a church bell, if he conld
once have seizel with his maSSi ic
ilws the nose of the one or the ring
ing-r"pe of the other,
Tsa made no audible remarks, but
there was no difficulty at al. i'll dI-
vining his meaitations.
They have fed me an hour before
snndown, for some reason, and now
they've gone of AMI neglected me
No muzzIc, no chain, no master
around, and all the country left open
to me. 1t is state of affairs to
which am not accustomed at this
time Of the day. If there We're an
other bone with meat on it, [ d know
exactly what to do.
|
He put out a great paw ana turn
ed the muzzle over. Then he walked
forward and smcled Of the hcI Ipless
collar. Then he paere solemnly III
to the kennel. There WAS a mystery
about the whole matter, and 1t seem
ed to suggest visit TO the front
gate, Ihat, to"' was "N'e ofeN' us a
witness to the haste required by the
summons OF the la'tIaIlent, hnd lSHr
could therefore walk ont ana look ~
and down the shady road tor an cN-
plantation OF ms "Wn case. lie could
not see any, at iIrSt' Tor there was
nothing to be Ie'rne' ron " HOOK OF
geese, three henS aMd one stray calf
| he very pig that was roofing uhder
the walnut tree PAD hll no manner
OF attention.
1sar shrugged his broad shoulders
10 make sure ABOUT The ro'I2f' pa"eu
hls nose Tor moment IN memory "i
hIs mrzzle, and tHrhed Tor look al
the gate. There II Was NlI'I very
d1ngy "Id TN sign on one pcs" whose
faded letters read: 'Dr h'o'F No'-
ham, and with ii very ne" sign on
the other post whose 'rl9N" 'l'S''
gliding announced ur He'er uo'-
ham, Jr, AS also ready 1or patients,
That was all right, and 1t occurred
to lsar that a walk would be soou
for his health. lie acted On the %uS
geston promptly enough, hut WIN
dignity, as became IL e'oG oil his SIZE
and no voice from the house rec"''ea
tn as he marched away down 'hr
road toward the sea. n sh'li OF "a''
air would be Just the lhIn6 Tor MS
digestion after the hearty dinner ne
had eaten ut the kennel.
The sun was getting very low to-
ward the horizon, and yet, away
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20
what Geraldine Though.

Does Geraldine ever say anything
about nc? asked an enthusiastic
Brooklyn lover Of his sweetheart's
brother,
Yes, indeel,' answered the little
man; she says YOU are very kind to
bring her so many carameIs,
Anything else
She says that album You gave her
on her birthday must have cost 50,
'>he is good at guessing, 1t cost
twenty-five, Johnny, But does Ger
aldinc ever say anything about, you
know, about-what she-she thinks
of me-
oh, yes, sometimes. She said at
the brellus table thismorning that she
thought yours ears would make good
Yacht sails, and that when she got
YOU she would rent your feet to con.
tractor as pile-drivers,
Unfortunately for Goraldines little
commercial project he used his feet to
carry him away, and the last heard Of
him he was in New York, where he
was looking for rooms for single
gentleman,
At a camp meeting held III Dor
chester County recently a watermeI-
on with pint whiskey flask was con-
cea'ed in its interior and sold for for
ty cents. After using the contents
of the flask the rind would be re
turned to the seller who would fill
the flask again and be ready for an
other customer, thus evading the 10
c4l option law.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20

A man who marries a frivolous
hirt gives to airy nothing Il local
habitation and name"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20

The pleasantest thingsin the world
are pleasant thoughts, and the great
est art in life is to have as many of
them az possible.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1883-09-20
ADVERTISING RATES.

One Square, four insertions ar LEGS $3.50
seach subsequent insertion Is
two months, 200
/" three months, $50
six months, 300
one year, t...- $50
Twelve lines constiuteia square.
sa3- A liberal deduction IN adr to yearly
adycrtiscrs
Local or special notices ) cents a inc.
JOB PRINTING executed with nea T.
ness and dispatch, and on liberal terms
Materials all new and good imprcssi OH
guaranteed. .s.s.. A..