Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1883-05-16
NO. 26
A Tale Of Telegraph Ticking.

A Tale Of Telegraph Ticking.
A well-to-do young man recently
married and started West on his bridal
tour. The happy young couple were
breakfasting at station eating house.
During the repast two smart Alecks
came into the eating room and seated
themselves opposite the contracting
parties. They were telegraph opera
tors By delicate posing of their knife
and fork they were able to make sounds
in close imitation of telegraphy. In
the mystic language of the key one
said to the other:
"Ain't she daisy, thought"
The party thus addressed replied by
clicking off:
"Wouldn't l like to kiss her, the lit
tie fat angel!,'
Wonder who that old bloat is that
she has married?n
"Some gorgeous granger, I reckon.
replied the other.
The groom stood it until forbearance
ceased to be virtue, when he also
balanced his knife, and click, click, it
went in rapid succession. 1t was in
telligible to the very cute twain that
had recently made fun of its author.
When interpreted it read:
"DEAR SIRs: l am superintendent
of the telegraph line upon which you
work. You will please send your
time to headquarters and resign your
positions at once. Yours,
SUPERINTENDENT OF TELEGRAPH
"A doctor at Richmond says that
if people will take bath in hot whis-
ky and rock salt twice year they will
never catch cold Until somebody
has tried this new remedy we would
say stick to the old and reliable DR..
Bulls Cough Syrup.
"A man breathes eighteen times
minute on the average, but the rapid
ity with which he breathes after run
ming to catch train has not yet been
estimated.
H Don't wear dingy or faded
things when the ten-ceut Diamond
Dye will make them good as new.
They are perfect.
Prize fighters pickle their hands
daily in wash composed of vinegar,
alum and tan water boiled together.
This is said to be excellent for the CON-
plexion and takes off the freckles.
That poor bedridden, invalid wife,
sister, mother or daughter, can be
made the picture of health by few
bottles of Hop Bitters. Will you let
them suffer? when so easily cured!
Building is going on in Pittsburgh
this spring that the mpn who goes to
sleep on lot at night is liable to have
roof over his head in the morning
that is if the police do their duty.
Every year about this time one
hears a great deal about dress reform,
and yet one can never discover where
it comes in. What do they reform
the skirt, waist, founces, sleeves, or
buttons?
1t is claimed for one circus-ticket
seller that he has sold 6,S45 tickets in
forty-three minutes. The well-known
accuracy of all assertions concerning
circuses precludes doubt of the truth
of this statement
The mill hands of Lawrence are
prone to sleep late on Sunday morning,
after their week of hard labor. The
Rev. Mr.. Miles tell them that they do
right "Men and women who work
early and late six days are no worse
Christians because they are sleepy en-
Sunday.
A girl ut Chicago wedding fell
in paroxysms soon after drinking wire
from a glass that her discarded lover
had filled for her. He had added ar
senic to the beverage, because the GER
emony reminded him of his own fail
ure to secure conjugal happiness.
Recently man in Pittsburgh
made out and had published in Phila-
delphia papers u list of the widows of
Allegheny county, with their approxi-
mate wealth. Some of the widows
who were thus brought prominently
before the public, are very angry, aud
if they find that the publications was
libelous they threaten to bring pros
ecution.
"A correspondent wants to know
the color of pure water. Almost any
person who has no special knowledge
of the subject will reply at once "it has
no color" Absolutely pure water,
when seen in masses OF sufficient thick
ness, is blue, and all the varieties Of
color exhibited in lakes and streams
arise from the presence in the water of
mineral salts of different degrees of
solubility and in varying quantities.
The other day bright little girl
was listening to her mother who was
reading stories to her, in one of which
the name of his Satanic Highness was
given. Mamma" she exclaimed,
"who is the devil?" "Why, my child"
the mother answered hesitatingly, Il
can't tell you exactly" o, well, never
mind" was the interruptive eXclama-
tion of the little one; I'll ask grandpa.
I've heard him mention him."
An Iowa villager laid wager
that stranger, whose acquaintance he
had causally made, could not within
six hours WOO, win and marry young
woman who had just arrived at the
same hotel. The suitor introduced
himself to her, she smiled upon him. a
minister was called in, and the ceremo-
ny was performed. The couple left on
the following morning, with no incon-
siderable sum of money. They were
husband and wife of long standing, and
had played the same trick in many
places.