Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-28

time in the back parlor, and finally
they settled it, and were going TO sing
hymn, when pa handed them a lit
tie hymn-book, and the minister open
ed it and turned pale and said, whats
thisi Z" and they looked at it, and it
was book of Hoyle's games instead
of hymn-book. Gosh wasn't the
minister mad? He had started to read
a hymn, and he quit after he read
two lines where it said: In a game
of four handed eucher never trump
your partners ace, but rely on the
ace to take the trick on suit Pa
was trying to explain how the book
came there, when the minister and the
deacons started out, and then pour
ed the two quart pail full of soft soap
Oh the front step. 1t was this white
soap. just the color of the step, and
when | got it spread | went down in
the basement. The visitors came out
and pa was trying to explain to them
about Hoyle, when one of the deacons
stepped on the soap and his feet flew
up and he struck on his pants and
slid down the steps. The minister
said Great heavens, deacon! are you
hurt? Let me assist YOU and he took
two quick steps, and you have seen
these fellows in a niger show that
kick each other head over heels and
fall on their ears, and stand on their
heads and turn around like a top
The minister's feet slipped and the
next / saw he was standing on his
head in his hat, and his legs were sort
of wilted and fell limp by his side,
and he fell over on his stomach. You
talk about spreading the gospel in
hethen lands. It's nothing to the way
you can spread it with two quarts Of
soft soap. The minister didn't look
pious bit when he was trying ia
catch the railing. He looked as
though he wanted to murder every
man on earth, but it may be he was
tired. Well, pa was paralyzed, and
he and the other deacon rushed out
to pick up the minister and the first
old man, and when they struck the
step they went kiting Pas feet
somehow slipped backwards and he
turned a summersault and struck full
length on his back, and one heel was
across the minister's neck, and he sliC
down the steps, and the other deacon
, fell over all three. Pa swore at them
and it was the maddest lot of piou'
, folks / ever saw. | think if the min
lister had been in the woods he would
} have used some language. They al
seemed mad at each other. The hireC
J girl told ma there was three tramp
fighting pa in the front yard and mi
r she took the broom and started t
help pa and | tried to stop ma cause
: her constitution is not very strong
and / didn't want her to do any fyinl
trapeze business, but could not stoI
) her and she went out with the broom
9 and a towel tied around her head
e Well, don't know where she die
9 strike, but when she came in she sale
, she had palpitation of the heart, bu
g that is not the place were she pu
the arnica. Then policeman cam
along and at first he thought the,
l were all drunk but he found the,
S were respectable. and he got a CHI
J., and scraped the soap off of them am
Y they went home and pa and ma the.
t got in the house some way and jus
D then the letter carrier came along, bu
o he didn't have any letters for us AM
Y he didn't come onto our steps, AM
: then / went up stairs and said, 'P
don't you think it real mean, after yo
n and l had fixed the steps for the lette
u carrier that he didn't come Oh tn
E steps at all ? and pa was scraping tn
d soap off his pants with piece ofshir
u gle, and the hired girl was putting lin
:, ament on ma and heating it in 70
|, palpitation Of the heart, and pa sale
y you dam idjut, no more Of this O
] I'll maui the liver out of you, and
s asked him if he didn't think soft soa
n would make a mustache grow, and h
n picked up mas work basket and tire
it at me as / went down stairs then
Il came over here. Don't you think p
e is unreasonable to get mad at littl
II joke he fixed up himself?"
e The groceryman said he didn
It know, and the boy went out with
a pair of skates over his shoulder, an
y the groceryman is wondering whi
II joke the boy will play on him to g
Ir even for the cayenne pepper.-Peck
Sun.