Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1883-03-23

An Arkansas editor says that the stingiest
man in his town talks through his nose to save
the wear and tear on his false teeth.
The evil that men do lives after them. Even
when an amateur cornetist dies, he leaves the
fatal instrument behind.
The remains OF a man have been dug out
of the ruins of Pompeii, with both hands
resting on his stomach. The buildingin which
he was found is supposed to have been a cheap
restaurant.
A Pennsylvania man proposed to kill the
baby in order to reduce the expenses of the
family but his wife finally persuaded him to
reduce the dogs rations instead and in a few
weeks the family was rich enough to buy an
other dog
quaint old minister was once asked what
he thought OF his two sons, who were both
preachers "Well," he replied, George has
better show in his shop window than John,
but John has larger stock in his ware.
house"
The inhabitants of your state seem to be
endowed with patience" said man to an
Arkansaw gentleman. They are the most
patient people in the world sir. II they
owe you, sir, they never get tired of wait
ing "-ArkdRsaD T'rdreler
Impudent little boy Cto a very fat old gem
tleman, who is trying to get along fast,
but with Indifferent success); "I say, old fell
low, you'd get on jolly sight quicker il you'd
lie down on the pavement and let me roll you
along"
Have you ever tried the faith cure ?" ask
ed a long haired, sallow-faced stranger of a
gentleman who sat beside him in Brooklyn
street-car. 81 have" was the answer. "Do
you believe in it p II do" May ask of
what you were cured ?" Certainly was
cured of my faith"
A Delaware widower of threescore and ten,
the father of 2S children, built, with a view to
their economical education, a schoolhouse of
his OVID, and hired young lady teacher. The
widower soon after married the young lady
teacher, and the institution has now grown to
a college, with the old gentleman for president
and his six oldest sons for professors They
haven't begun to go outside the family for
students, either
The ruling passion of some men is strong
| even in death. John Ziska was a distinguish
ed leader of the prosecuted sect of the Huss-
ties. 1t is recorded of him that in dying he
ordered his skin to be made the covering of a
drum. This isn't quite so bad as the story Of
the old farmer who when dying requested
that his teeth might be pulled and stump
fence built around his grave.
He had a very rubicund face, suggestive OF
| a ulsslpated NE AS ne was waking up the
street, a gentleman remarked: "That fellow
is so highly oolored that he reminds me of q
chrome" "He reminds me more of an en-
craving" said bystander How so ?
well, you see an engraving has glass il
front of 1t and chrome hasn't"
"Dar am muffin which ruins a niger NOR,
suddener," said Uncle Nash, solemnly, to hii
eldest hopeful, 'dan de custom OBJ vistin
hen-roosts in do full oh de moon. 1t am wei
enough to tackle de watermillyun patehe
when de queen OBJ night am saiin' round il
short neck an low sleeves, becaose de squawl
ob twisted watermillyun vine am not like d
squawk OBJ a red-headed rooster when yol
done pluck him out o. de hen-patch. Bette
take de rooster when de moon am on de half
she'll"