Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-03-16
Wit AID HUMoR.

and b" gets it.
A study in oil The ATTEMPT to gc
a sardlne ont whole.
The reason people are afraid 0
lightning Is because it makes such
laundering noise.
Some men give according to thei
means. and some men give accordin.
to their meanness.
Some men are born rich. some hav,
riches thrust upon them and some be
come newspaper editors.
Young men who want to .'se,
something of the world think they
must stay out nights to do it.
Wheat is "thrashed' for the pur
pose Of getting out the grain; boy
Is "thrashed'' to get out the chaff.
Il Thought you took al inte-cat i,
my welfare said an unsuccessful
lover. No. indeed" she replied
'-onit in your farewell"
Upon writer exclaiming that hi.
works contained much food fol
thought a friend remarked: THAI
may be SO: but it is wretchedly
cooked"
Alphonse Daudet's new French
novel is said to treat of subject
never yet handled by French
novelist" We suspect it treats OF
morality.
Mr.. Gatling has improved on the
gun which bears his name. His new
affair will waste loo bullets a min.
ute, which raises the average amount
OF lead necessary to kill il man about
100 per cent.
Talmage says that spanking chill
dren should be done coolly, quietly,
vigorously, and with the aim to let
the lesson sink deep into their little
hearts. That seems rather round
about way to reach child's heart.
Mamma" said a wee pet, they
sang i want to be an angel in Sun
day school this morning. and sung
with them" why Nellie" ex
claimed mamma, could you keep
time with the rest?" L guess [
could" proudly answered little
Nellie; Il kept ahead of them most
all the WAY through"
A French photographer boasts of
having been able to catch the impress
sion of flying bird There is
nothing at all wonderful about that.
An Austin man, who has no scientific
attainments whatever. without any
effort on his part, caught the impress
sion of flying bat. 1t was very
clear impression. The flying bat was
brickbat He was offering reso-
luton at Il ward meeting when the
accident occurred
\ young woman who had never
learned the gentle art of cookery,
being dcsirous of impressiny her
husband with her knowledge and
diligence, manages to leave the
kitchen door ajar on the day after
tn turn from the bridal trip.
al. i as her lord comes in from
the office sxclaims loudly: Hurry
up Eliza, do. Haven't you washed
the lettuce yet? Here, give it to me; ;
where is the soup?"
He was after an appointment on
the Harbor Commission. The Gov
ernor would not give him any posi-
tive answer, but SAID: Il may posi-
bly, wish to communicate with you.
Please give me your address" Just
address me at the postotlice." he said.
But l may want to send Il messen-
ger. Where do you live!" said the
Governor with gentle insistence.
See here, Governor and the as
pirant proudly erected himself If
l had any place to live what the
devil would l want an office for?"
A Virginia preacher. who bought
his butter from his brother Paul,
sent for a fresh supply for his Sun
day dinner and was in the midst of
his sermon when his negro servant
returned and took his seat in the
church. The preacher had cloquently
related what Matthew. Mark. Luke
and John had said in relation to the
subject matter of his text, and heIthen
SAID, i'll laundering tones: "And
what does Paul say2" The negro,
thinking the question addressed to
him replied, in the hearing of the
whole congregation: "Marse Paul
says as how you can't get any more
butter till you've paid for dat you got
last week"
A patriot returns to his native
land more profoundly convinced
than ever of its immeasureable su-
periority to every other country in
the world
The language of those other
countries" he says, with fine scorn,
lis particularly idiotic Why. they
call things this, that and the other,
without the slightest regard for their
nature or use. Now. you know, it is
different with us. We call brush a
brush, because you use it to brush
with; or glass Il glass because it is
made of glass; or hat a hat, be-
cause
well, because-why?'
"Oh, L guess that must bc derived
from one of those same foreign
languages. now that l come to look
into ifr