Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-04-13
FUN
Too Many Degrees.


The middle-aged lady. with black al
paca dress, worn shiny at the elbows. and
cheap shawl, and a cheap bonnet, and
her hands all puckered up and blue, as
though she had just got her washing out.
went into the Office of a prominent Mason
few mornings since, and took chair. She
said
"Are you the Boss Mason ?''
He blushed, and told her he was Mason
but not the highest in the land.
She asked him if he had taken the whole
1888 degrees in Masonry.
The man assured her that there was only
thirty three degrees, and that he had only
taken thirty-two. The other degree could
only be taken by very few who were rec
commended by the Grand Lodge, and they
had to 60 to New York to get the thirty
third degree. The lady studied moment
and said i:
Where does my husband get the other
200 degrees 2"
The prominent Mason said he guessed her
husband never got 200 degrees, unless he
had a degree factory. He said he didn't
understand the lady.
'sDoes my husband have to set up with
a corpse three nights week 20 she asked.
her eyes flashing fire. ''Du you keep lot
of sick Masons on tap for my husband
to set up with the other three nights 20
The prominent Mason said he was thank
full that few Masons died, and only occa-
sionally one was sick enough to call for
Masonic assistance. ''But why do you ask
these questions madam?' said the promi-
nent Mason.
The woman picked the fringe off her
shawl, hung her head down and said
''Well, my husband began to join the
Masons about two years ago, and he has
been taking degrees or sitting up with
all times of the night. smelling of beer and
cheese. I thought at first that the cheese
was the result Of his going to the morgue
to help to carry brother Masons home after
they he'd been found in the T liver. He has
come twice W it'll the wrong pair of draw
ers ON, and when [ asked him how it was
he said it was secret he could not reveal
under penalty of be ing shot with can
Don.. All that he would say was that hf
took degree. have kept little tracA
of it, and figure that he has taken 23s
degrees, including the grand Sky Fugle
degree, which he took the night he came
home with his lip cut and his ear hanging
by piece of skin.''
ssOh, madam said the prominent Ma
son, "there Is no Sky Fugle degree In Ma
sonry, your husband has lied to you"
THAT'S what think" said she, as a
baleful light appeared in her eye. He
said he was taking the Sky Fugle degree,
and fell through the sky light. l had him
sewed up. and he was ready for more de-
greet After he had taken, I should think.
about hundred and fifty degrees, told
him should think he would let up on i :,
and put some potatoes in the cellar for
winter; but he said when man started
on the degrees he had to take them all, or
he didn It amount to anything. One time
l wanted hat to wear to church with
feather on it, and he said feathers were all
nonsense, and the next day he brought
home leather case with felt coalskuttle
in it, and a feather on 1t that couldn't
have cost less than ten dollars, the way l
figure millinery. And when he put it on and
/ laughed at his ridiculous appearance
he began to throw his arms around, and l
asked him what was the matter, and he
said that was the first hailing sign of dis
tress, and if didn't look out an avengel
would appear from dark closet and run
toadsticker through me for scoffer. He
must have spent fortune on the hundred
and fifty degrees. One morning he cane
home with his coat tail split right up the
back, and his pants torn just as though
dog had chewed him. and one eye closed
up, and wad of hair pulled right out of
his head, and he said he had been taking
the 20Oth degree, but he wouldn't tell me
how it happened. because it was dead
secret Sometimes a brother Mason comes
home with him early in the morning. and
they talk about "full-fush,'' and they
both act full as they stand on the steps
and talk about their "pat hands," and
"raising 'emout' and "calling'' and ''bob-
tail flush. One night when he was asleep,
/ heard him whisper, 81 raise you ten dol
lars," and when asked him what 1t
meant, he said they had been raising
purse for poor widow. Another time he
raised up in bed, after he had been asleep,
and shouted, II stand pat,' and when l
asked him what it meant he said he was
ruined if told of 1t. He said he had
spoken the password. and if the brethren
heard of it, they would put him out of the
way, even as Morgan was put out of the
way. Mister, is Il stand pat your pass
work Pr
The Mason told her that it was not.
That the words she had spoken was an
expression used by men when playing
draw poker, and he added that he didn't
believe that her husband was Mason at
all, but he had been lying to her all these
years.
She sighed and said, "That's what |
thought when he came home with lot of
ivory chips in his pocket. He said thew
used them at the lodge to vote on candi-
dates, and that a white chip elects and
blue chip rejects candidate. If you will
look the matter up and see if he has joined
the Masons, will be obliged to you. He
says ne mas TAKEN oh Cue zoo utkTeoS. ana
the boys want him to join the Knights of
Pythias. I want to get out an Injunction
to prevent him from joining anything else
until we get some under clothes for WIN
ter. I'll tell you what 1 will do. The
next time he says anything about Sky
Fugle degrees, and consistory nonsense,
will take the washboard and make him
think there is one degree IN Masonry that
he has skipped. and now goodbye. You
have comforted nae greatly, and will lay
awake to night until my husband comes
from the lodge with his pat hand, and |
will make him think ha has fornnf hia |