Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-14
Garnered Witticisnl.
A household pet: A carpet.

Garnered Witticism.
A household pet: A carpet.
The hire class: All sorts of laborers.
The man who offers you counterfeit cop
pers showed bad cents.
The Brooklyn bridge has caused good
deal of ''wire-pulling' in New-York
In the distinguished quartet of visitors
to Florida, it was the president who played
the bass.
Speaking of poetry, if there is any little
ccount that winter ode to spring it must
have been paid up long ago.
At this time of the year the beer sellers
hang out pictures of the festive goat.
These are intended to attract the young
kids.
The individual who stood ready to pay
his one cent at midnight on the Brook
Ign bridge was the first man tolled to go
across.
A Cleveland paper says that John SEN
ter. of that city shot himself on the south
side. A man who can't come any nearer
the center than that had better practice.
proud of it?" he said. ''Of course I
am. He stopped four days at my house
and was taken with the delirum tremens.
Shows I'm a good entertainer, dosn't
it?'
Nov, then, witness" said the cross ex-
aiming counsel sternly, ''does the preced-'
ing witness enjoy your entire confdence?'
''Great scott, no! Why that's my wife"
SEQ awayr yelled the sportsman to
his boy; $50 away! For once in my life
I've caught string of fish, and if any
body sees me talking to you, they'll swear
bought EN- of YOU"
And even now things go wrong in Oirland
Scene An Irish cabin. Pat is Ill. Doc
tor has just called. 'Well, Pat, have you
taken the box of pills sent your" eyes
sir, be jabbers, I have, but I don't feel any
better yet; maybe the lid hasn't come off
yetr'
colored porter in an Austin store
asked the proprietor for a days leave of
| absence. What's up now?" "Dar's
niggah gwine ter get married and I ough-
ter be present to ace him fru." "Who is
| this colored man at whose wedding You
have to be PRESENT." Else de niggah
boss"
| Two dudes had finished their chocolate
| IN the Cafe Brunswick, New York, when one
of them thus addressed the waiter:
''wata! howh mush is aw the bill?" FIFTY,
cents sir" ''Yaw, yaws: but the amount? ?"
''Why, fifty cents, I said" "Yaws; but
don't you see, the amwont in shillings?"
At the resturant-how to establish a dis
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.: give me a steak
| just warmed through, some boiled pota-
toes, and quart bottle of extra double
Guinness, stout" Waiter: eyes, sir (Sol-
iloquizing.) Now if he growls over all
that when he gets it, I'll know he's gen.
uine Briton."
In crowd-"Who is that man? sob
he is one of the most prominent Irish
Americans" 'Who is that other one?"
"He is a distinguished German American"
| s:And that one?" "a we'll known French
American "And that one over there
with bundle under his arm:" "Oh he's
nobody nothing but an American-Amer-
| ican.'
A Texas paper tells this cheerful tale
of the experimental school of medicine:
"a woman came to prominent physician
and asked for a remedy for her husbands
rheumatism. The doctor gave her pre-
scription and said: Get that prepared at
the drug store and rub it we'll over your
husbands back. If it does him any good,
come and let me know. I've got touch
of rheumatism myself"
A crippled man stopped a Philadelphia
lawyer on the street the other day and
begged for aims. wont you please give
poor man with a wife and large fam
| lily something to keep them from star
ving?" For wonder the lawyers heart
was touched. ''My poor fellow" he said.
Il feel for you. l haven't any change to
give you, but 1 tell you what 1 will do; if
you want divorce I'll only charge you
half rates"
''Yes," said the culprit, I'm thief, but
1 don't want anybody to insinuate that my
crime was the result of unfortunate stock
speculation, and l wont have anybody say
that have hitherto born an unblemish
reputation. have been a thief from
infancy, and never bought a share of
stock in my life. Call me eccentric, if you
please, but don't want to be mixed up
with airy of your amateurs. Pm
professional; lam"
| The stunning announcement is made in
the English papers that Lord and Lady
Carnavon are coming to the United States
next month for heightened tour. Some
of our readers may not be fully sensible of
| how stunning this is. That is because
| they do not know who Lord Carnarvon is.
He is Henry Howard Molyneux Herbert,
D. G. L. P. c., Earl of Carnarvon, Baron
Dorobastar of HiuhcIora c0uDtv SOuth-