Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-04-26
HQmOrS of the Day.

white stocking so that it won't shoF
through the fssure Of his boot.
A seaside belle having left her bath
ing shoes out of the hotel window tc
dry, the town paper announced tha
the hotel had erected new awnings of 8
unique design.
1t was darling GweoIge" when q
bridal couple left Omaha; it was "deal
George" at Chicsgo; at Datroit it was
George" and when they reached
Niagara Falls it was 'Say your
Mean" said TIE Texas man of his
neighbor, "why, there isn't drop oil
the milk of human kindness in that
mans body. He's got dog that's an
elegant match for Jenk's bull-pup, and
ne won't let them fight"
They say Charley has married. Do
you know his wife? IL she s. awoman al
any intelligence? Is she we'll informed?'
well Informed! Well 1 should say so.
She has belonged 10 the village sewing,
circle for ten years aud never
missed a meeting"
1t takes sn Irishman to turn COM
pliment. When he saw Jones, after
having met the latter with Mrs. j., Pat
Flaherty said: "Ye are mooch younger
than your wife, surr." Presently he
met the wife and remarked: ''The idea
OF such a young woman marrying
Misther Jones' The next day he me-
them together, but he wasn't at a loss
for blarney. "Och," he exclaimed, "ye
are both of yez too young for each
other"
Not long ago the birth of a girl baby
with three tongues was announced; :;
now comes news of the birth of d girl
baby who has two tongues. After a
while ali the girl babies will have two
or three tongues. The coming man, if
ne marries, is likely to have q very
lively home.
The Brooklyn oracle says "it's Just
as easy to turn water into wine as wine
into water" The point is well taken.
If you have your water in one glass
and your wine in another, it doesn't
make much difference which glass YOU
turn" The oracle speaks from ex-
perience, evidently.
The manufacture and sale of " mis-
fit" clothing, carpets. ETC., has proved
so remunerative that ''misft" neck
ties, pocket handkerchiefs, sleeve but.
tons and jewelry will shortly be placed
on sale, and "misft" drinks will be
served cheap at q number of progress
sive saloons next summer
The Arkansas Traveller tells of a Ia
who knows that her husband never
shakes dice for the drinks, and that b.
IS strictly sober, was awakened the
other night by her husband who in his
sleep exclaimed: " Three trays to q
beat. Horse on me-" What do you
mearY' asked the wife, shaking him.
"What does who mean?" "You."
what about?" Why you cried out.
"Horse on me-" 'Tnat's all right, I
merely had nightmare"
An old woman who has for many
years Kept q newsstand at the corner
of Broadway and Maiden Lane, New
York died the other day worth $40 600.
1t seems impossible for anyone to be
connected with newspapers without
making moEeJ.
Nine. Eugenie Legrand, the actress,
is the wife of Kyrle Bellew, who tries
10 act In England while his better half
is content to make her nome in Amer
ica. 81 am told your husband is very
handsome" said al acquaintance Of
hers. go I---hear," replied mad
ar2e."
Rockville, Conn, has three cornet
bands, three string bands and a drum
corps of twenty 10 embers. A railroad
which runs through Rockville has ap-
piled to the legislature for permission
to take up its tracks and circle around
A Philadelphia girl thoughtlessly
told friend that the names of the DON
ors would not be displayed with the
presents al her wedding. OF course
the news got abroad, and when the
wedding came off not even the presents
we're displayed. They consisted of732
plated sugar spoons and 1880 salt
cellars.
'You say your wife gets mad and
raise? q row." 81 should say she did.
She makes enough fuss to run freight
train forty miles an hour" "But if
you knew that she was in the habit
of getting mad, why did you marry
hep Because if | had held back
she would have got msdder than ever.
Bother Gardner'a philosophy
"What we don't know we often try to
make up for in argument. What we
lack In argument We t.y to make up
for IN blab. 1t am easier to Call man
a fool dan to produce facks and figures
to convince him dat he am in de wrong.
1t am safer to call an old man a liar
dan to wink at a young mans wife,"
Problematic: Scene-Mexican city in
Northern Mexico; a switch engine
moving cars back and forth on side
track. a 'gringo" yard-master to q
group Of Mexican ranckmen who are
watching the movements Of the en-.
CINE and cars for the first time: "Well
senors, what do you think ola railroad?
Mexican senior refectively: L can read
lily see how that engine moves the cars,
bat [ cannot see how the cars move the
engine"
Dean Stanley, speaking of the per-
plexlties Of life, said: There are prob
lens of life beyond the power of man
to exhaust, and In that certainty it is
our privilege to rest. The human mind
may and ought to repose as calmly be-
fore confessed and unconquerable
difficulty as before confessed and dis
covered truth"
mJuyenile Leadn ard nMasher.in-