The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-03-20


A printers towel fell out of third
story window in New jersey town, the
other day, and cracked paving stone.
The crash was heard two blocks away,
and little boy ran home, with white
lips and trembling limbs, to tell his
mother that he had seen IA negro man
tumble off the roof and explode his
head"
What on earth makes YOU announce
that you extract teeth without pain?
Didn't hear every patient you had up
here yell?" You did, sir, replied the
peripatetic dentist; ''but those were
shrieks of joy which they uttered. sir.
They were so delighted sir, at being
painlessly relieved that they could not
restrain their enthusiasm.
Plain Woman-How shall you he able
to increase the attractiveness of your
face and person without the use of cos
metics or other artificial means? Easy
enough; get invited on to Washington,
and appear at one of the receptions
there. The papers of the entire country
will next day gloat over your ravishing
ueauUy.
Tie Dakota town of Pierre has new
jail. and some people wonder because q
local newspaper man praises it IA -
substantial wooden structure Even
pine Jail ought to hold man until
the neighbors can get a rope
A German emperor made visit C
one of his towns. and was received al
the gate by long row of deputies. just
as they were about TO address him a
neighboring donkey set up n terrible
bray. Gentlemen" said the emperor.
If you wish me TO understand You, YOU
must speak one At a time
HALO" calculated guardian to his
pretty niece, rs he entered the parlor
and saw her in the arms of a swain,
who had just popped the question and
sealed it with kiss, whats the time
of day nowPa Il should think it was
half-past twelve" was the cool reply of
the blushing damsel; ''you see we are
almost one"
ANY body called this morning?" ask
ed the editor of country paper of his
assistant, whom he met on the stairs
Yes, our subscribers are up Stairs
"Whatl all of emp Yes, they're al
there" What did you do. thcnP We've
only got two chairs" go, borro we'd
one next door"
About six hundred years ago coun-
try editor started a joke about printoa
who made mistake in setting MP S
piece OF copy. The next week the Ell
tor tried to set up three-line editorial,
and the proof looked like Aiexanrlri, af.
ter the bombardment, or rubber over
shoe after three years service.
''JoAn," said the cashiers wife, drop
ping into the bank in the midst of
shopping trip. you forgot Ia leave me
that money this morning." What
uameP asked the cashier. without look
ing up. Name. nainer' exclaimed the
lady. Il am your wife" mo doubt.
no Doubt" answered the cashier me-
ard going on with his writ
ing; ''but you will have to bring some
one TO identify Sou
The post-mortcm examination of .
mulatto who died recently in Cincinnati
revealed brain weighing 81 ounces
There are on record but two brains
heavier than this, that of Cusier, weigh
considered bright intellectually, vet is
described as becoming. late in life, |
thoughtful and reserved" He had |
been slave.
A very successful trial of the Cuttress |
telephone, in combination with the Mil 1
iik-n transmitter. was made at Boston. |
The other day, over line of the Rapid |
Telegraph company, distance of Cos |
miles Conversation was carried on for /
nearly three hours, the articulation be- |
ing very distinct. and powerful enough /
20 be heard with the receiving telephone
inches from the ear.
Coins with holes in them are very |
found ON the collectors |
platte" said the Rev. Nicolas Ballads. adj /
dressing the congregation ut st. Bern |
ards Roman Catholic Church, Putnam
avenue. Brooklyn, recently. 1T not un-
frequently happens that gentleman
puts n SO cent piece with hole through,
{ on the plate. The coin would no. b
AIKEN by broker for its face value:--
.ut, then. if we consider that had the
tonor not had the mutilated half dollar
le might not have given one cent. we
hould be grateful y