The sun. (Fayetteville, N.C.) 1883-188?, 1883-10-03
HUMOROUS.
Shimmelpfenig's Uncle's Dog.

Fritz Shimmelpfenig is a shrewd
old German. who presides over the
destinies of a grocery store on the
corney Of Austin Avenue and Bum
bic street, near the gas factory.
His neighbors and customers I
mostly Americans, and on Saturday
evening they drop into Fritz's store,
and, sitting around on the barrels
and boxes. hold a kind Of social eau
Gus. at which many wild and i'm
probable yarns are told. The other
evening there seemed to be a called
meeting to discuss the intelligence
of dogs. Each loafer present had
either owned or been personally
acquainted with a dog that was gift
ed with more intelligence than a
college graduate. Some of the lies
would have reflected credit on the
columns Of a party organ: Fritz
did not attempt to interrupt the flow
of mendacity, nor did he applaud some
stppendaGs yarns that really deserved
official recognition of some kind.
He calmly smoked his pipe, and
seemed to be happy as a clam at
high water; After the gentlemen
had become somewhat exhausted,
there was a silence for a few min
utes, which Fritz took advantage Of
to remark:
II subbose you dit,ks dose Ameri-
can togs a schmart, but dose togs
must 60 to school some times vet
before dey come up NIT dose Sher-
man toys vat We have in de old cOun-
thfle.l'
The audience did not agree with
Fritz. They insisted that the Gen
man dogs born and bred under a
mOnarchical form Of government
were inferior III intellect to the free
and intelligent canlnss Of the InlFcd
States, whereupon Fritz told a story
about ii dog once owned by Frltz's
uncle, Baron Won Schimmelpfenig.
The Baron was in the habit Of Civ
ing. Tie Intelligent brute was i'll
the habit Of taking the coin to the
butcher, and receiving in return a
bone, which constitliteit che dogs
breakfast. This happened every
morning for almost a year. About
a @eek. before Christmas the butcher
missed the morning visit Of the dog,
and for a whole week he did not put
in an appearance. On Christmas
morning, however, the dog trotted
into the butchers shop: and placing
six small coins in the butchers hand,
pointed with his nose to a roast
worth just about the amount Of mon
ey offrFed: The animal, instead Of
buying a bone every day, had saved
up his money for a whole week, and
invested it i'll a square Christmas
dinner"
Such was the story Fritz told his
American friends with a perfectly
straight face. One by one his audi
ence slid off the barrels and the
counter, one Of them remarking:
cts no use trying to compete
with an imported liar. He is old
Munchausen himself, or whatever
his name is They moved to the
door.
II wash 50 sorry about dat toy.
De toys in Schermany vas 50 schmart
dat dot tog stood no show. II he
had been schmart like de older togs
in Schermany he would have bought
dot meat on credit and given hish
note for de amount, so mine uncle
he gif dot toy away
'"That'll, do Fritz; that'll do
7elos Svfings.
Too HANDY WITH A PEN.-Ex-
Senator Thomas J. Dreamer tells a
good story of the palmy days when
the Hon. Paddy Burns was a Deputy
Sheriff. He was frequently detailed
to take convicted prisoners to Sing
Sing Prison, One day, as he approach
ed the entrance, a mild-mannered
prisoner held out pair Of small white
hands chained together with hand
cuffs.
"Sheriff," he said, in pitiful ac-
cents, "look at those hands. They
will be no good in the quarries. I'm
here for ten years. It'll kill me to 60
into the quarries. You might as we'll
put a titled lady in a laundry
"Ah, be aisy, now" said Paddy.
"You talk SO much you twisht the eye
of me"
vest pocket, and"
"Whisper, Whisper" broke in Pad
dy with sudden interest.
otis my last hundred dollars" the
prisoner continued in a low tone, "and
it's yours if you'll only keep me out
of the quarries.'
what can we do now?" Paddy in
CURED.
-.- ~.1.