Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-03-29
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
They tell of an Ohio woman who is
so gentle-mindedt that she has never even
been known to have an obstinate cough.


so gentle-minded that she has never even
been known to have an obstinate cough.
-Life's Journey
At ten a child; at twenty, wild;
At thirty, strong, If ever;
AT forty, wise; at fifty, rich;
At sixty, good, or never.
Buffalo Courier.
-''What makes the milk so warm?''
the milkman was asked, when he brought
the can to the door one morning. ''Please,
num-" he answered, 1.-The pump-han-
dies broke, and missus took the water
from the boiler. - Cincinnati Times.
When man is dismissed from en-
plOyment he always has a good deal to
say against his late employers. A man,
in fact, is like a gun. He makes a great
noise when he is discharged.-BOStOn
Transcript.
Angeles father wrote to Adolphus
that his presence at the house was not
especially desired; but Adolphus would
not take the hint, and was helped out by
the paternal boot. Moral-No letter is
complete without a foot-note.- Chicago
Times.
-Professional-Please gimme ten
cents, sir, to buy some bread. Mug
gins-Why, gave you ten cents not
half an hour ago. Professional (taking
in the situation) Yes, sir, l know, sir,
but Pm terrible bread-eater. -HaT-
card LGn1p0On.
"A mans business seriously affects
his morals. If, for instance, a shoe
maker takes unto himself two wives, and
the legal question comes up as to which
he shall support and which discard, is it
not true that as a cobbler he ought to
stick to the last?-M Y Herald.
-''Inotice.' said one Austin lady to
another, ''that at our social gatherings
you are always the last one to leave"
Il know it," was the reply, ''but have
an object in view.' What is it?'' 81
want to prevent the rest of you from
slandering me- go, you mean thing;
you never like to see your friends enjoy
themselves" -TerGS Stti1gS.
Every carpenter who shaves with
foreplane bOrrows the genius of a for
gotten inventor" Perhaps he does; but
when his foreplane strikes a nail in a
pine board he bOrrows a suitable quota
ton from profane history, which is not
so much forgotten. That's the kind of
a jackplane the carpenter is.-NOrrts-
toiOa Herald.
AASb0olAS AAO all AAC 4AAOCN AAAo
hat at the front door, 81 am soliciting
for home charities. We have hundreds
of poor, ragged and vicious children like
those atyour gate, and our object is
''Sir! those are my own childrenH' she
interrupted, and the way that front door
slammed his toes Jared every hair on
his scalp-lock.-DetToit Free Press.
How do you find the third side of
a triangle?'' asked an Austin teacher of
one of his pupils The boy grumblingly
said in low voice that the teacher was
donkey. ''Say it over again, Johnny,
and speak up louder. Perhaps your an
swer is the right one," replied the peda-
gogue, who is a little deaf.-TerGs SLtt-
iags.
Heard in a doctors Office: ''How
long will it take you to cure me, doctor?"
''Well, Mr.. Blank, think you can get
back to your desk at the bank in about a
month, but you will have to remain under
treatment several years" ''But you
mistake; I am not Blank. the banker,
but Mr.. Blank, the letter-carrier. 20.
that alters the case. There is nothing
the matter with you but little bilious
ness. You will be well in week!