Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-01-04
A Farcical Drama.

The materials for a grim and CORY
tragedy were all on hand last Saturday
evening but like a sedleitz powder il
needed two parts to make a fizz and
one part was lacking owing to a damag.
ed revolver. Prologue and all, this serio.
comic would be drama is quite lengthy,
but the tale unfolds itself something in
this wise. Somewhat earlier in the
swiftly fading year a party who squeezes
the rumbling carwheels for the railroad
company whose lines center in this city
was secretly enjoying himself as a parI
of the domestic life of a quiet family in
the middle walks of life that reside in
this city-names in this sketch are not
necessary-when his joys were inter
rupted by an internal racket on the out
side walls of the castle showing that
the same was in a state of seige, from
some sort of Internal artillery, which
afterwards proved to be cord-wood. 1t
then transpired that a few ..fellows OF
the baser sort'' who were possessed of
the foul worn of jealousy had been
moved to this extraordinary innova-
ton On the articles of war and civiliz-
ed siege guns. They fled, however,
i~ncontinently when the garrison APP
preached the portcullis-in common par
lance the door-but not soon enough to
save a reco gnition. The beseiged then
retired and in solemn conclave deter
mined to take the case before a higher
court. They placed the facts in the
hands of Superintendent Swineford who,
clothed in the panoply of justice and
authority, appeared upon the scene last
week and, after an examination of the
besieged premises, a glance at the artil-
lery, and interviews with the besieged,
returned to his palace and by a firman
Topped off the official heads of the Of
tenders.
This closed the first act, but, as might
be supposed, transferred the bile from
n side to the other. To be headless
at any time is bad enough, but t. be
decapitated right at the beginning of a
hard, cold winter, intensifies the serious
ness of the situation. The more the
decapitated ones felt the cool draughts
on their vacant necks the warmer be-
came their blood until it was finally re-
solved that they would wreak a speedy
vengeance on the party who not only
basked in the light Of domestic joys but
could continue to squeeze wheels to the
g%revious discomfort and envy of the
conspirators. 1t appears that a rumor
of the fell designs about to be practised
came to the ears of the victim and he
girded himself for the fray. In the
meantime friends, who detested the
sight of gore-much prefering as a rule
the amber beer-collared the blooded
minded ones and induced them, by
various good and weighty reasons, to
forego their expected feast of slaughter.
This they promised to do and quiet ap-
pear about to reign in Lancaster bor-
ders. The pacified ones had settled
down and were gazing pensively late
in the evening first named at the cylen-
der which surmounts the Wright House
stove when the party of the first part en-
tered. He was not aware of the change
of intentions and evidently wishing tho
entertainment over as soon as possible,
walked up to n of the parties of the
second part and remarked in icy tones,
Il heard you were looking for me-"
The CONCEALED aspect of the words at
once struck the ear of the listeners and
contrary to the general effect of frozen
particles aroused the slumbering lion
and with one accord the party to whom
the remark was direetly addressed
arose and promptly knocked the speak
er down. The felled one did not stay
down but at once arose to his feet with
blood in his eye and a cooked revolver
in his hand. He pulled the trigger of
the last to satisfy the demands of the
first. Fortunately for all concerned the
revolver refused to do its part and only
snapped. Before he could repeat the
dose Deputy Richards, who had hap
pened in, collared the shootist and took
away his gun. Friends than interfered
and the belligerents were separated and
removed to a safer distance where the
danger of any more trouble would be
reduced to the minimum. Before the
curtain fails a word of explanation is
When the threatened one
heard of the alleged danger in which
he stood he made the grand rounds in
search of a revolver, no one had one of
these articles to spare, but seeing the
fellow was bound to get ONE in time
and then there would be blood on the
face of the MOON, Deputy Richards had
been kind enough 10 lend him the de-
sired weapon, being one that was never
known to go off even on the most press
ing invitation. To this foresight on
the part of Ora is due the prevention of
a tragedy which, however comical it
may look now, might easily have been
made a very serious affair.
The churches and the better class of
people generally of New York have
brought a heavy park of artillery to
bear on Salma Morse and his Passion
Play representation. They claim that
its presentation as proposed will bring
contempt and insult upon the christian
religion and shock the moral s~ensibilities
of all good citizens. This is MIR. Morse's
second attempt to present this play and
has proved as abortiye us his first
which went down under a storm of in
dignation from pulpit, press, stage and
people.
Cerre Gordo Williams thinks il a pity
the Republican party did not die when
the var closed. The Senator must re-
member that the contract it had taken
not then filed and from the tone
aud aatinnr "a tha ~1.