National Republican., 1883-06-28

l4cb US pray.
The cry Of the New York Su,, "Turn the
rascas out" recalls TO the Emira Advertiser the
experience of a democratic congressional invesu.
eating committee n few years ago. Every tmo
the committee dropped its hook for rascal 1t
hauled up democrat.
NOTABLE instance of tho enormous ad-
vance in high class New York store property is tho
TACT that the building which q. w. Carleton Il Co
have taken for their publishing business originally
cost the owner the sum of SIG, ,OO0 aud now rents
annually for $4,000 pretty satisfactory invest.
ment
In is said that nature has written letter
ofcredit on some mems faces which is honorod
everywhere It is presented. The New York COM
meretdI AdpcrtiS conJectures that perhaps that ia
tho reason why a barkeopor always sets out a bot
tic before red-nosod man without asking any
questions.
THERE are but fow republicans now in office
In Arkansas, but one OF tho few is J. r. Grady,
sheriff of Logan county, who has Just settled In
full with the state treasurer paying over the taxes
oil his county, of which he collected ninety. eight
per cent He is the first sheriff to make such q
settlement.
HE was looking for the cashier and asked
the paying teller If Mr.. Blank was in. "Gone to
tho springs" was the reply in tho torse manner
aud courteous tones usual to bank hotol, aud va.
rious other kinds of clerks. GLOW much is it2"
asked the visitor. Tho teller didn't seem to catch
on.-San HdiiciSco Post
OBITUARY notice from tho Kansas City
Journal: 60 Nine toed Aunie.' parsonage we'll
known In the upper circles of Helrs Half Aero
society, fell into the Missouri river last evening
and was drowned. She was a daughter of the lato
lamented Scar-faccd Maggie, and a cousin Of
'one-eared Sam and Ginger. r.cake Joe."
1T has been found that worm eaton and
partly deCnyed logs make the best sounding.
boards for pianos, and within u few years piano
firms have sent agents through Connecticut to
hnd fallen and partly decayod chestnut logs and
such timber has been sold good prices after tho
owners had considered 1t entirely useless.
IT is the early watermelon that catches the
small boy. The Richmond editors can't seem to
nnd each other.. Gen. Crooks copper ooored
captives want to go home. The king of lard can
only pay about one cent on the dollar. Vacation
will absorb the vanishing valedictorian He may
find his vocation later. - Nel0 York Commercial
Advertiser.
A GENUINE dude has struck Laramie. He
has homeopathic head and nlopathic feet His
pants so tight that he never takes them Off and
he has n plate glass window in one eye. The
other is closed for repairs He got on tho widest
kind OF a dob auch last night with half an ounce
of pepper sauce and bunch of cigarettes. He
halls from New York.-Boomerdno.
"YEs," said young Mr. Tagg, who had on
joyed the distinction of having ono of his poems
printed i'll an afternoon paper, "this being famous
has its inconvoniences. have been stared at
and pointed out to-day till I'm quite nervous I
suppose, though, it's penalty of celebrity we
must pay" He was Mortified to learn later that
he had been mistaken for the hero OF divorce
suit-Bostoa Post
A MEMPHIS clothing man was bitten on the
hand by "cotton mouth" recently while fishing,
His arm Immediately became numb aud hs
drank nearly three gallons of whisky before he
began to feel drowsey, and was out of danger. II
he had been n member of the Business Mems
Moderation society,"" of New York, he would havo
been obliged TO stop at the second gallon. aud
would have probably lost his life.-NoristoDn
Herald
SCENE Workshop in Union street. Two
girls are discussing the approaching picnic.
Jeanie. say, Janet, are ye gaun tae hae n lad at
the picnio2 Janet. Ay i'm a, dut a. don't ken
which o my lads all tax. Ane o. thom's no lang
over frae Ireland, an he speaks awfu' Irish
JAMIE An whas yer ither lad2 Janet. Oh, he's
fiddler in the salvation Army, bit a. wild hae tao
pays fare. Jeanie. Well. q widna hae him.
Glasgow Bdlte
| TIE printers in Chicago have given notice
| that they will strike for an advance of wages.
| The following singular mixup iu tho Chicago
Nelos suggests that the time has about arrived
when the papers might with proprety strike for
| au advance Of printers: "Notice.-My wife. Emily
| Coote Ferguson, having left my bed and board
| and gone back on mo, for Gods sake and for the
sake Of your life take 1t away. Temperature,
| 1891 60 above zero"
| SOME bald headed philosopher has said that
"no thoroughly occupied man was ever un-
| happy" We have our doubts about that. AS a
rule II may be all right. but there arc exceptions
| We remember seeing q young man sit down upon
| a hornest's once, when the hornets were at home.
For time he was the most thoroughly occupied
young man we ever saw; and II he wasn't un-
happy. appearances are deceiving, that's all
Middlstown Transcript.
THERE Is some talk Of establishing an
American daily newspaper in Paris Tho Ameri-
can in Paris, q rule. can struggle along for the
present without his daily paper lie hasn't got
time to read, Sight seeing? Blessyou, no. Spot
ting new arrivals at the hotels and negotiating for
a small advance until he hears from home. Tho
establishment Of q first-c class American lunch
route would do our countrymen in Paris great
deal more good than daily paper.
mo sir" said old Tostewater 'theBe is
! good in every man." "Yes" said Lawyer Green.
bag "there was jim Slanger he drank, STOLE swore,
lied, and followed bad life for years, and yet,
when we arrested him the the other day
Here Tostewater interrupted: "You told him OF
his old mother of his once happy home You
found some redeeming thing about himT eve
did" said Greenbag, Us oxpectant eyes were fixed
upon him; 1--WE found something redeeming about
hinl-it was pawn tcket."-BostOR Commercial
| Bulletin,
"Is THE art critic in p inquired gentle-
coat The stranger was shown to tho picture de-
tractor, and With fear and trembling unfolded 10
view couple of paintings. " Here, he said, are
two bits that have Just thrown of, and want
you to tell mo candidy what you think they arc
worth" "Wel" replied the art critic, without
giving tho pictures second glance, 81 think
they are worth just what you say they are I"
Just what l say they are2' "Yes, two bits."--
Boston Transcript.
The town clerk of Gladstone, Northwest
territory, has an application for the position of
chief police of that place. The applicant writes
81 beg TO offer my services as chief of police of
Gladstone for SIS per month, in advance. have
never been in the force, but have seen police
men. Age, thirty four; height not quite six feet;
weight just lacks thirty five pounds of being 200.
Born In Ontario, good TO wresIle and savage as a
meat AK when enraged, the very best Of chaIac-
ter, excellent health, and married. If chosen
will superintend almost all the business of this
town. and will not allow any members of your
lak kfHN