The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-06-07
WASHINGTON LETTER
The Fellows with Missions and Other
CrankS.
Arthur and Dynamite Execution In
the White HOuse.
A Singular Fish In Journalism.

WAsHINeroN, June Especial Cor
respondence. Every fellow having a
special mission on earth gravitates
towards Washington. Wherever one idea
fastens itself on his BRAN he makes tracks
towards the seat OF government. lie can
only ventila,e it through the president oil
the congress or he must have il patented
happened to be in the White House on
the morning of Guiteaus execution, when
wild looking, long haired creature hailing
from Ceaveland, Ohio, entered the general
reception room. The pr, sident had not
appeared and our hero with large pack
age under his arm, went forward to the
presidents table aud in the presence of
twenty or more persons deposited it care.
fully. With a wild glare oftriumph he looked
about him. Everybody expected an explo-
sion. OF course it was an internal machine.
Several spectators made hurried exits:
others stood closely against the wall and
behind screens an6 furniture. All seemed
more or less alarmed by the presence oil
''Guiteau's supposed avenger, by whose
hand Arthur was TO fall" The wild in
truder and his terrible magazine were more
intently stared at than was ever successor
of George Washington. The machine was
two feet high and six inches square. An
east Tennesseean, more selt.pOssessed than
the rest OF us, approached the "crank" and
smilingly asked, what is the purpose OF
your pretty machine2"
"Oh," answered the wanderer from Ohio
"it is only patent galows. fetched il to
the president to hang Guiteau with"
He at once stripped the covering
from the deminuive galloss a manaiin
stepped out upon the trap, sprung by his
weight, he fell drought the opening, the
neck cracked and then The machine itself,
by its own action, pitched the deminutiye
Guiteau out, lie fell across the presl-
dents inkstand exceedingly dead. His
neck, as he lay, was foot long.
THE MORAL EFFECT.
The spectators were well pleased IL was
not their neck that was broken or skull tn, /
was cracked, The East Tennesseean again
was first to speak. Evdentally he was net
willing that President Arthur should be
unpleasantly reminded of the coming ter.
rible event involving the death of the man
who had made him president. Mildly and
modestly therefore, did the East Tennes.
sean suggest TO the gallow, crank that the
president was not the executioner
but that Marshal Henry would be delighted
to inspect the patent neck fracturer. The
crank stared steadily Il moment in my
friends kindly face, slowly bagged his ma.
chine, and hurried away TO find Marshal
Henry. The president escaped an un.
pleasant interview and we had seen one of
a thousand like him who Travelled thous-
and miles to strangle Guiteau artistiCally.
M0RR CRANES.
There are more cranks with absurd or
0utlawed claims against the treasury
than those OF any other monomania.
oil
hungry look, their clothes are threadbsre
and questionable but scrupulously clean,
their hair long and eyes aflame. Beware
OF entrance into conversation with one of
theee pests of social and business life in the
capital. Those having peculiar missions
some great, good and glorious work to do,
or those carrying subscription papers to
provide for the burial of some poor devil
some ex.congressman or other fallen mag
nate-thosc are cranks whom one must
zealously avoid in Washington. Beg
gars in winter time, bootblacks, news
boys and hackmen are intolerable
pests, but not TO- be compared with these
cranks Of one and another sort each having
mission" Crandall came, chief of ali
these. Greenbackism was his mission"
lie rode 1t, booted and spurned it till its
life was extinct. Wash Jones carried its
bones home with him, and Crandal now
rides any hobby that comes rackipg by.
Another fellow with mighty mission has
risen above the surface of the sea of news.
paperdom in the capital, the first "oyster,"
such is his name-that ever drifted out
% upon the ul breakers on which
pronounces himself the "anti.monopolist"
and raises mighty uproar. Not even an
OYSTER can keep ailoat on single plank
on the great beisterous sea OF American
politics. But anti-monopoly will have
great run for little time. Novelty gives it
attractiveness, and when this is worn Off the
childish toy becomes worthless bauble.
II has no virtue or usefulness that does not
inhere in democracy, and anti-monopoly
and oyster" will soon be entombed with
greenbacklsm and Crandall,
PERSONAL.
Walter L. BrownlOw, who foisted himself
into the position of doorkeeper of the ma.
tional house of representatives by suffering
y TO be represented that he was the son OF
the famous parson, Governor Brownlow, of
Tennessee; and who suffered II to be stated
that he had been Union soldier in the
late war, when, in fact, he was but fourteen
years old at the close of the great struggle,
will soon retire into native insig-
niticance. He will make strenuous
efforts to avert the cadayerous
fate in store for him. He cheekily asks to
be made governor of one of the territories
10 the end that the administration may
know what manner of man this Brownlow
is, some one should mail the executive a
paper telling of this Brownow's anteced-
ents in connection with the means adopted
in toisting himself into position by
suffering himself to be represented as the
son OF somebody else's father.
NARRo.