The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-26
CREME DEs odR0NIOURs.
What the Alleged Wits of Paris Find to
Say in Their Newspapers.

Remark by Cardinal de Retz. which
/ is as true now as when it was uttered
"A politician must often change his
| opinions if he wishes always to remain
IN the same party
! A gentleman who has been thinking
OF buying hack, having visited a men.
/ a9el'ie, comes home radiant with ioy.
| Il m going to buy one OF them zebras,
| he said, ''one of those riffed horses.
They must carry much further than the
ordinary sort"
II thought, remarked hevictim, af-
ter the dentist had dragged him around
the room several times, Il thought YOU
| advertised to extract teeth without
pain?" So / do, Sir, 2 replies the oper-
ator, blandly, lit doosn hurt me at all
to yank EN-.
A father has been complaining to a
friend of the family of the conduct OF
his prodigal son. lyon ought to rea-
son with him seriously saws the friend
OF the family. $50 | do So | haven'
says the father in despair, ..but it has
no effect The young scoundrel will lis
ten to nobody that ism TIA fool like him
self. | want you to go and talk with
himl'
A mothers pride What! Your
son is only a Sergeant" Yes, that is
his grade, but with pride, and conf
dentially-t.in reality you know, he is
a Captain, but he doesn't publish the
fact because he doesn't want to wound
the feelings of his comrades who haven't
got on as rapidly as he hasn'
The delightful French gallantry of the
olden time has not yet flown from earth.
A beautiful rosebud of a girl is walking
up the drawin@-room leaningon the arm
OF her father: What, mademoiselle, .
says gentleman of the old school, s'do
you walk? Bless me, / thought YOU
were on a stemI'
A lady OF mature age is consulting
her lawyer about instituting proceed
ings for divorce Il perceive, saws
the lawyer, you wish 10 obtain sep
aration because OF his cruelty" Il
wouldn have minded so much being
beaten. sobs the lady, If he had beat
en- me in IN ordinary manner, but he
didn THE scoundreI didn't sir. he used
TO thrash. me with with? Com
pose yourself, M dear madame >
''With M poor, dear, first husbands
cane!'
Breakfast at home. Well, madame,
says the head OF the house, who has APP
parently got out OF bed on the wrong
side, what have-you got for breakfast |
this morning? Boiled eggs, eh? Seems
to me YOU never have anything but
boiled eggs. Boiled Erebusl land what
else, madame, may l ask?' Mutton
chops, m} dear, says the wife timidly |
Mutton chopsr, echoes the husband, |
bursting into peal of sardonic laugh
ten Mutton chops. l could have
guessed it. BY the living jingo, ma
dame, ii ever | eat another meal inside |
this house and jamming on his hat
and slamming the door, the aggrieved |
man hounds down the stairs and be-
takes himself to the restaurant.
''WEat'H YOU have, sir, says the
waiter. politely, handing him the bill OF
fare. All! says the guest. having-
glanced over it, ''let me seei Bring me /
two boiled eggs and mutton chopr'
The parents have taken the Youngest
of their three daughters to tho theatre. |
They had their doubts about taking one
Of the eisiar ones. sor the play was OF
the @natnralistics kind; but as for the |
youncesf. poor child, she would never
see m thlag wrong in it. At tone of the |
most 'naturaiistie scenes the little |
maid observes with all uniIGaginahle |
gravity; You were quite right, ma! 1t
WoHhi never have done 10 let the girls |
see il. ( {1d*E'c3 81 lie \. i. I,'orld). |