The daily gazette., 1883-11-24
roR rnosr VINO LAuaIl.
Selections from ths Humorous Papers Of
the Country


the Country
lrrayeler'R Magaxiue.l
The usual crowd Of autumn liars were
gathered together tn the store, occupying all
the grocery seats--the only gross receipts
that the proprietor took no pride in--whena
little, bleRr eyed. weazen-faced individual
sneaked into the back door and skunk into
dark corner.
"That's him." said the ungrammatlcal
hummer, with q green patch over his left
eye.
"Who is itP' asked several at once.
"Why, the chap who saved the train from
being wrecked" was the reply.
"Come, tell us about IT," they demanded,
as the small man crouched in the darkness,
as II unwilling that his heroic deed should
be brought out under the glare OF the blazing
kerosene lamp.
After much persuasion, reinforced by q
stif horn Of applejack, he began;
at was just such a night at this--brlght
and clear-and was going home down the
track, when, right before me, across the
rails, lay great beam. There II was. Pale
and CHASTITY as liieless body, and light as II
appeared, had not the power to move It.
A sudden rumble and roar told me that the
night express was laundering down and
soon would reach the fatal spot. Nearer
aod nearer 1t approached, till, juat as the
cowcatcher was about lifting me, sprang
aside, placed myself between the obstruc-
ton and the track, and the train few on
unharmed."
The silence was so intense for q moment
that one might have heard q dew drop.
Presently some one said:
"What did you do with the beamP
81 didn't touch it." he replied, "but it
touched me-"
swell" persisted the questioner, 'if you
couldn't lit 1t, and didn't touch 1t, how
in thunder did the train gee overa"
why, don't you sect" said the sad faced
man, as he arose from his seat and sidled
toward the door, "the obstruction was
moonbeam, and jumped SO that the shadow
of my body took It's place, and"
Bangl Aew ham against the door, and If
II had struck the body of she retreating hero
there would have been a much bigger
grease spot irescoed on the panel.
VERY OLD STORY WELL ExHUMED.
THE Judge.l
General s. and Major l.. were candidates
for Congress in the Old North State. They
were stumping their district, and kept To-
gether during the campaign. In those
mountains which reach out towards Tennes-
| see there lived an old lady who had eight
sons and four sons-in.law. These politicians
family, and 1t so happened that they met at
the old lady's house to stop over night.
Early next morning, Major l., thinking To
ingratiate himself into her good graces, rose
| very quietly and took the water-buckets to
| go to the spring. Imagine his dismay, when
coming up the steep hill with q bucket Of
water In each hand, he saw General 5. In
| the cow-pen holding cow by rope while
the old lady was milking, and telling hin
she never did ''like folks what was stucE
up" The General got the votes, and wal
elected by 10 majority.
HE SAW 1T.
| Cwall street Newsl j.
AN Alabamian who had projec ted rail
road, worked by subscriptions for the lin
and organized company, with himself a
president, was one day accosted by q har
looking case, who asked for the loan of
dollar.
81 don't know you," curtly replied tn
official
''Pll explain" said the man. "I'm bea
In the stock market"
"Youl"
"Yes, sir. The stock of your road no,
sells at 49,"
sit does"
} I'll you should be laid up for a mont
, with broken head or stab, the stock woul
tumble to 90"
"Y.e-s-l see--y-e g." unused the pres
dent, as he scrutinized the stranger, and sa
I that he was ragged, hungry and desperat
e "This is no locality for bears, but q might
G good ono for bulls; you'd better go on
New Orleans
"You see l' asked the man.
"Oh certainly" and the five dollar bi
laid on the table as prooi of it,