The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-11-17
MY MATHDA'S BATH-TUB.

1t was all the fault of my dear Matilda's
patent bath-tub | have consistently main
tanned that. She, on the other hand, will
have it that it was my defective French ac-
cent. But know better. The fact is that Ma
tilda was quite in the wrong when she bought
that bath-tub, though nothing would ever
make her acknowledge it, and though she
continually demonst. ates, with woman's
convincing but far from flawless logic,
that what happened would have happened
had the bath-tub never been bought. | am
naval officer, and naturally Matilda has
followed me about in my wanderings as
far as possible. She is the best woman
and wife in the world, capital manager,
and gifted in a remarkable degree with
what the French call the genius of installa-
ton. She never yet was twentyfour hours
in an apartment without giving it home
like air, and though she travels with a
great deal of baggage-women will, [ sup
pose-so many little luxuries and comforts
are constantly appearing from her numer-
GUS packages that [ have never had the
heart to restrict her in such things. Still,
Matilda has the fault OF her sex; she never
will let well alone, and thus it happened
that though we had been married for some
seventeen years, and had been travelling a
great part of the time in complete comfort,
she suddenly announced to me one morn
ing that she had bought a new patent bath
L
which would greatly simplify all our ar
rangements for packing.
"Good heavens, my DEAR" | exclaimed,
on looking over her shoulder at the receipt
which she was methodically filing in her
receipt snap, what is all this? Three
guineas and half for a bath-tub 1t
seems to me most unnecessary expense.
The India rubber bath-tubs we have hitherto
had have always answered every purpose,
and l am sure all your toilette arrange
ments have always been most excellent and
ready to your hand the moment we arrived
anywhere"
''And to yours, too" replied Matilda,
with some little asperity.
"And to mine, too, and the children's,
ALSO" replied, with the Difference wise
man always shows to a clever, practical
wife. "Really, my dear" l continued.
returning to the charge, 81 see no use in
this new purchase"
But here Matilda swooped down upon me
with afood of facts lin my opinion the
most bewildering things in the world), and
cited number of authorities to prove that
nothing before invented could ever be as
useful as the patent bath-tub; that it would
IN the first place, contain all the other
bath-tubs and secondly, that it could be
used as sort of supernumerary trunk, into
which everything which would not go into
the other boxes could be thrown at the last
moment.
Astute woman She well knew the ir.
resistible temptation contained for me in
that final suggestion. 1t mustbe confessed
that L have weakness for forgetting
things, and making purchases at the last
moment, when the trunks are in hopeless
state of repletion. AS Matilda spoke
remembered a nargileh which | intended
to buy 1--WE were in Constantinople), and
abandoned the contest, Observing that
supposed she knew best.
"Ot course | do, DEAR" said Matilda,
smiling, and drawing me into the room
where her new purchase was displayed.
1t stood in the middle of the floor, yawn.
ing cheerfully in all the brightness of fresh
white paint and varnish. 1t was an odd
shape, sort of rounded square, like some
antique Dresden china teacups, and, like
them, stood in a wide, shallow saucer
which saucer, it seemed, was the cover
The exterior of the bath-tub and cover was
painted dark chocolate brown, the inte
rlor white, as have said, and emblazoned
IN the center was a monogram, NJ ID, G.
Matilda Dora Gilbert. thought the mono
gram altogether superhuous, but | held NV
peace, little thinking under what mortify.
ing circumstances l should again see that
internal bath-tub. But, as the noyelists
say, let me not anticipate.
a few days later parted with my dear
wlte, who went northward to Switzerland
where our children were at school, while
returned to my ship, which was ordered to
JOIN the Mediterranean squadron. In the
summer we hoped to carry out a long
cherished plan, and have a cottage II
Switzerland, in which the children woulC
be happy during their summers vacation
and from which we could make little ex
cursions in various directions. OF course
everything depended upon my getting
leave of absence; but by the end of Nav
was able to write to Matilda that | hat
every reason to hope for leave during JULY
and August, and that she might make hel
arrangements accordingly. By return
mail | received the following letter from
my daughter Laura, who is one of tn,
sweetest and most impertinent girls in tn,
world:
"BoUGAUD SUR CONSTANCE, June TO- 1877.
DEAREST PAPA-We were enchanted 4,
hear of the probability of your getting leave
ana mamma has taken the sweetest lttl
chalet Imaginable FOR the summer, in which
am sure we shall all be very happy. I'm
fortunately the poor boys will not be released
from durance vile until the middle of July
so that they Will not be able to come part
the way to welcome you, as mamma ana
and little Blanche intend doing. MANN
sends you love, and kisses innumerable, an,
begs you TO remember that this is Bougau
sur Constance. She says she is particula
about this because you never pronounce tn
French dU properly, and if you make YOU
usual mistake there is every probability o
your being taken to Bougorre sur Constance
which is quite different place, and yer
much out of the way. Little Blanche send
you "A big kiss, and also begs you to be care
ful, because she wants to see you as soon a
possible.
Ever, dearest papa, your loving
laura"
'Impertinent little minxesp' | said t.
myself; and then. after some slight and