The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-03-07
The alnutville Lyceum.
A Correct Account of the Doings of One
Evenings Entertainment.
Drawer of the March Harper's ]

Drawer of the March Harper'sl
Mrs. Brown having lecture upon the
Parthenon was invited to deliver it before
the lyceum of Walnutville. knowing of
Walnutvile only that it was 10 miles from
railroad, Mrs. Jones suggested more pop
ular subject No; Walnutvie wanted the
Parthenon. At the station named in the
letter of direction Mrs. Brown saw stage,
and soon the driver said:
"Be you the lecturer for Walnutville?''
sYes.n
''Wa'al, git right in; and you han't no
need TO pay no fare neither, for L m the COM
mittee that wrote you"
Mrs. Brown was the only passenger, and
the driver cheered the long and lonely way
by telling her, Folks was thinkin a sight
about seein' on her, lots on 'em remember.
in her grandsir." They were only four
hours on the road, and when the time for
the lecture came Mrs Brown was escorted
to the hall by the same gentleman. On the
way he exhorted her to speak up, and not be
like them Methodist wimmen, who mum
bled so folks did not know when to say Hal
lelujah.' The hall, an implanted build
ing, consisted of great room with an enor-
nous outside door opening directly into il.
There were seats against the wall upon two
sides, which the stage-driver explained as
being the place where ''the old men sot
town-meetin' day." The people who were
in their seats turned round and gazed at
Mrs. Brown while she took off her wraps
and put on her gloves. Telling her escort
she was ready, he said he 'swarn't a-goin'
upon that roostrum to make fool of him
self; the minister had got to do that"
While waiting for the minister, and en-
during the staring of the audience, Mrs.
Brown diverted her mind by wondering why
a row of men were seated at the back of the
platform. Finally curiosity conquered.
"Wnat are those men up there for?'
''Them? Why, they're the Walnutville
brass-band, and they're goin' to play. Don't
they have no bands where you come from?"
Fortur ately Mr.. Snow, the minister, APP
peared then, and Mrs. Brown trailed meekly
up the aisle after him. Obedient to his ges-
ture, she sat down, and he said, "We will
unite in prayer
That exercise disposed of, Mr. Snow pro-
ceeded: "The Walnutville band will favor
us with Columbia, the gem of the ocean, /"
The performance was stunning, deafen-
ing; but, before breath or hearing could be
regained, the agile clergyman was again on
his feet
'.The chorister of the Baptist church will
now delight the audience with a song
There's good time coming, boys; wait a
little longer
The chorister walked slowly to the steps
of the platform and waited, looking severely
at Mr. Snow.
81 forgot te say,'' shouted that much-af-
ficted man, "that he will be accompanied
by his daughter on Mason and Hamhn in
strument."
Then the father and daughter mounted
the stage. the organ was wheeled into its
place, and the performers had good time
if nobody else did.
The audience was Indifferent TO an alarm
ing degree, lookit G to Mrs Brown like scores
of duplicates of the goddess of Pasht who
sits and glares at people in the British muse
UNI.
Again Mr.. Snow: ''Mrs Brown will now
read us piece on the Parthenon."
Mrs. Brown stepped to the front, and,
amid stiffness so profound that she could
hear the breathing o. persons near her, read
her piece. 1t took an hour, and during all
that time the death like quiet was broken
but once; and then boy who had climbed
up on the outside, and peeped in at win
dow informed his companions in a hoarse
whisper that ''she WASH no great to look at,
anyhow" Not hand stirred nor even an
eyelid moved when the Parthenon was ended,
but Mr.. Snow allowed no time for embar-
rassment, for he was at once on his feet:
"The chorister of the Methodist church
will sing Rocked in the cradle of the Deep
He will accompany himself"
The same mastery indifference while the
Methodist chorister rocked himself violently
backward and forward and while he was
wiping his heated brow after he had re-
turned to his seat. But indefatigable Mr.
Snow knew no WEAKNESS.
"The band will again delight us with
Marching Through Georgia."
clark From the Tombs'' would have
suited the temper of the audience equally as
well-to all appearance, better. Finally the
minister concluded:
"These exercises viii close with bene-
diction''
He had hardly spoken its last words when
the stage driver shouted:
Here, marin, is the money we've took.
You can take your pay out ont"
Mrs. Brown, not accustomed to approving
herself, declares she rose to that occasion,
for she turned all the moneynto her pocket
handkerchief and told him she would settle
on her way TO the train. One or two people
walked soemnly up to her, Imply shook her
hand and said plaintively: eve have en-
joyed your lecture" but with these excep-
lions the awful silence was not disturbed.
To this day Mrs. Brown is in doubt if they
think the Parthenon an improved sewing
machine or new kind of hay-spreader