The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-01-17
WIT AND HUM0R.

"leS, said the father Il Ike 10
have my daughter have beau, on the
score OF economy. If she didn't, some
Of the other members OF the family
would occupy the parlor and burn gas"
III" says the chronological Journal,
"whistling will drive away tho blues,
why shouldn't the girls whistler
Pshaw! if they did, the puppies would
run after them more than ever.
Peter Baumgartner, a ST. Louis sa-
loonist, makes oath that ho is son-in-
Jaw of Napoleon Bonaparte, Does any
body remember of any OF the Bona
parte girls marrying BaumgartncrP
Greek recitation; Benevolent pro-
feSsor (prompting) Nov, then, Eip-
as" Somnolent soph remembering
last nights studies) IL make it next"
He goes ii alone before tho faculty.
Professor Tyudall asserts that if
player on an ACCORDION happens to
strike tho right chord, he can render a
listener temporarily insane. TyndalI
didn't need to be a great scientist in Or
der to know that.
A great Irish orator and wit was
asked what an Irish friend Of his, who
had Just arrived in London, could mean
by perpetually putting out his tongue.
81 suppose he's trying to catch the Eng
fish accent" said the wit
Elizabeth Cady Stanton advises bill
iards for girls of the period. If a girl
handles a billiard cue as dextrously as
she throws stone, the man four feet to
the left of her is likely to have an eye
poked out.
A Florida man killed a rattlesnake by
throwing a glass Of whisky in its face.
1t wasn't the effect of the liquor that
caused the reptiles death, but it was
the horror of the mans reckless extrav-
sgance.
The owner of small dry-goods store
in st. Louis says that the amount of his
annual sales has not varied Is cents in
thirteen years. A stranger ought to
drop in and buy bolt OF cotton and
scare him to death,
"Detrain" is a new word in use in
England. When a body of soldiers
alght from railway cars they de
train" Pretty soon the papers will
TEEN with "dehorsecar," deomnibus,"
"dehack, " "decanalboat, and SO
forth,
The dresses of Lolita Paulina the RI
val of Aggrippna, were valued at 49,
86l. l80 not including her jewels, which
cost HIS much more. 1t has slipped our
memory whether Miss Paulina was the
daughter of a plumber or al editor, but
our impression is that she was.
A young Now Yorker at a party asked
and received the consent of a young Ia
DIV to accompany her home. He wait
ed in establishment while the company
slowly departed and finally limited that
it was time for them to go co." said
she, demurely, Il am boarding here.
Madam comes to inspect the costume
Of tambourine girl which she has or
dered for the ball. at is ravishing,
but my husoand-will he not find the
the train q triile short?' Not at all,
madam" replies the modiste latter |
shall present my bill"
The girls have discovered that the
thin legs of habitual cigarette smokers
prevent them from watzing well. At
taRta Constitutions In this part Of the
country the girls waltz on their own
legs and are not dependent upon the at
tenuated extremities of smokers of any
kind.
Charles Lever tells OF an lrishmau
who, while wheel of stage-coach
was passing over him, cried out,
whats this for?' An Arkansaw man
was equally sef-possessed. While
standing in saloon, where a party of
convivialists had gathered, pistol be-
longing to one Of the party was acct
dentally discharged. The Arkansaw
man fell, shot through the body.
BLAMED if understand this" he OK.
claimed. why that pistol should Sc
lect me when older men are present is
beyond nv mental reSea-s..'
An aged peasant learns that the vii
lage doctor, to whom he had advanced
some small sums, has just passed away
leaving nothing but debts, "Therer'
said no to his wife, with delightful
chuckle. ''if | hadn't had the good
luck to have that fit Of rheumatism two
months ago. where would my money
bep"
They had met "by chance on rail
road train. "Oh, how wish knew
you in the summer, when ! had my
yacht he murmured, looking seward
And the fair being at his side felt
drawn toward him, she little knowing
that he worked in drug store at 81
per week, and that he still owed
| 9uarter-fo for the use of a row-boat at the
| beach.
A young author was telling of his
woes with regard to book. Said he'
Il gave it to one publisher to read, and
he accepted it and said he would pub
lish it. But three days later he COM
mitted suicide. Then | showed it to
another publisher He agreed to pub
lish it, and the next week took all his
partners money and fed to Europe.
And then--what the blazes are you
laughing atP"
A witty nobleman once asked cler.
ical gentleman at the bottom of the Ia
Bile why the goose, when there was one,
was always placed next to the parson.
| NRpolly NV lord ~ sold Tho clarC,p,on