davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

No wonder the mule is a kicker.
Were mule, 1, too, would kick.
/ know just exactly what kind of a
mule would be. A bay mule. One
of these sad-eyed old fellows that lean
back in the breeching and think.
With striped legs like zebra. And
dark-brown streak down my back,
and paint brush tail. And my
name cut short, and my foretop bang
ed, and a head as long as flour bar
rel, and I'd be worth two hundred
and half in any market, and I'd
wear fiat harness and no binders, and
some day when some man hitched me
up to dray, and piled on a ton and
half of wood, six barrels of flour,
and steamboat boiler, would start
off with it patiently and haul it
steadily until | got to the top of the
grade on the new road around North
Hill, and right about there and then
falling maple leaf, futtering down
in aspark of gold and crimson, would
scare me all to death, and the au.
thorities would have to drag the Miss
issippi River six weeks TO find all Of
that load and some of that driver
while in three minutes after the
emeute would be TRANQUILITY brows.
ing on the grassy heights that smile
above the silver flowing river. Tha,
is the kind of mule l would be-
Burlington Hawkeye.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

1t is not true that the lady David
Davis is to marry was once COM
positor ON newspaper. At the same
time it must be admitted that she
shows printers preference for fat
take.-Boston Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

A worthy citizen of this city whose
good name is besmirched by the idle
gossip of a crowd Of seamstresses
next door, has a good deal to say re-
garding the poisonous effects Of sewer
gas.-Eyansyille Argus.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

1t was a cold day for the judge who
threatened to fine party SO fol
coughing in court, when the disturbing
element informed His Honor that he
would be willing to pay twice that
sum to have it stopped.-Denver
Rustler.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Instead of having written on his
tombstone: "He never told a lie, y
the greatest man Of modern times
will probably prefer the words: "He
never stole an Observation-Disclosures
port Breakfast Table.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Fashionable ladies consider it the
correct thing to collect ancient and
curious combs. None of them have
yet undertaken to gather in the Cata
combs.-New York Commercial Ad
yertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

"The reason you were not elected,
my dear, was because you did not
look at the new moon over your left
shoulder" said the superstitious wife
of a defeated Austin candidate to her
husband. "That's all you know about
American politics. | might have
gone down on all fours and looked
backwards between my legs at the
moon for two solid hours and it would
not have done me any good. | Iought
to have chartered another saloon and
hired a man to stuff the ballot box.
Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

1t was the Erie druggist who la
belled new liniment "Phiz," be.
cause a learned friend told him that
was popular name for human lin
eaments.-Pittsburgh Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Herbert Spencer says Americans
take life too hard. Herbert ought to
60 and live among our wild Indians
he would find that they take life easy
enough.-Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Miss Nellie w. Palmer is lecturing
in Cincinnati on He'll, its locality, and
the nature of its fires. 1t is indeed
difficult to keep anything from a
woman Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

In the cold weather the choicest
seats in the congregation are those
nearest the stoves, and yet people are
supposed to 60 to church to escape
fre.-Philadelphia Chronicle Herald
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

AS tight trowers are now going out
of style the young swells can have
them stuffed with sand and sell them
to the police for clubs.-New York
Commercial Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

An Iowa paper speaks of loving
couple who were neighbors, but were
separated "by a cold cloud of real
ISM" What kind of new patent
fence is that ?-Siftinps.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

chance to make smart remarks
about her short stays in our principal
cities.-Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Excuse me-" said an Arkansaw
gentleman who accidently tramped on
lady at church festival. al
thought you was my wife. ."-Arkan-
saw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Boots are like men. No good wher
they are tight.-Baltimore Every
Saturday. And yet getting tight il
but loose habit with men.-Nev
York News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

The country must be waiting fol
two-cent postage to be established
several dunning letters, overdue, have
not come to hand.-Cincinnati Sat
urday Night.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Mrs. Langtry has had newly in
vented patent corset named after her.
Of corset will give the paragraphers
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Who was the most finished orator
asks correspondent. Well, Demos
themes has been finished about as Ions
as any Of them.-Cincinpati Satur
day Night.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

A dispatch from Madison, Wis
consin announcing the wedding of two
young people of that city, states that
"the happy pair will make wedding
journey to Milwaukee and Oshkosh"
Some people wish to see all the dark
side of life at once.-Chicago Tri-
bunp
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

The following is the reply of q
fond father, who had just received q
letter from his son, a student in his
own alma mater: "My dear son.
Accept my heartiest congratulations
/ was engaged to the same Miss Bun
ter when | was in college and can ap'
preciate the fun you are having. &c
it while you are young. Your loving
father. =Bowdoin Orient"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

The board Of health Of Philadel-
phia has advised people not to kiss
friends or relatives who show symp-
toms of diptheria. Husbands should
learn that servant girls who go bare
footed in the kitchen are apt to catch
cold, and colds bring on diphtheria.-
Oil City Blizzard.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Sixty-fve pawn checks were found
on woman arrested in this city. II
is easy to tell her tribe. She belongs
to the Pawnees.-Philadelphia Chron-
icle- Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

you're fool, Orlando" said Mrs.
Snifler, as her husband undertook to
handle the hot stove cover with his
hand, and burnt his fingers to a crisp.
EYES," he replied, with just tinge
of sorrow in his voice "that's what
mother told me when | got married"
Clinton Bugle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Rev. DIR. Hall said that every rock
was sermon. When a boy was
stealing apples from Mr.. Halls or
chard, the latter pelted him out OF
the orchard. When the boys father
subsequently asked him why he limp
ed, he replied that he was very much
struck with one of DIR. Halls SER
mon's.-Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

The famous Boston Musical Asso.
citation has given the Messiah seventy.
four times. 1t ought to know how to
Handel it by this time.-Lowell
Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10
Detroit & Bav City Railroad.
GOING SOUTH
GOING NORTH.

Day and Evening Express daily, Sundays except
el. Night Express daily, Saturdays excepted.
Ii. B. LEDYARD, HENRY c. WENTWORTH,
Genl Manager Genl Pass. & Ticket Agt.,
Detroit. Mich. Chicago Ill.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Inasmuch as the course Of true love
never did run smooth, wouldn't it be
a pious idea for Congress to make an
appropriation for the stream of love?
Grin
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

The great revolutionist-the fly,
wheel. Hosts of people-landlords.
A matter Of deep feeling-ocean
soundings.-New York journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

"What a bustling little woman you
are" said a newly welded husband
to his wife, while she was adjusting
her make up.-Clinton Bugle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

almost bad disaster" is a head
ing in an exchange. We are now en-,
gagged in wild search for a good
disaster. City Blizzard.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Cattle trains should not be run
without cow-catchers.-New Orleans
Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Drawing room cars morning and evening trains
between Bay City and Detroit extra charges only
25 cents.
Night express east runs Sunday night instead of
Saturday. All other trains daily except Sunday.
SANFORD keller, Sup't
w. II. JOHNSON,
Ticket Agent, Alpena, Mich.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10
A cold spell-I.c-e.-Puck

Borrowed money is a noteworthy
object.-N. o. Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Spectators who get squeezed in a
pork deal naturally squeal.-Lowell
Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10
SEA BREEZE,


ghpagwe ,hpubhh
ng On river nc I'm tn
y
o ta midst
the
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-01-10

Santa Claus is undeniably an
American. He was born in Merry
land.-New York News.
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27

don't know how it is, but there
never is anybody in our part of
town that has a baby but they have
it in the night, and they send for
ma. / don't know what she has to
be sent for every time for. Ma
aint to blame for all the young ones
in this town, but she has got up a
reputation. and when we hear the
bell ring in the night ma gets up
and begins to put on her clothes,
and the next morning she comes
in the dining room with a shawl
over her head, and says, its a girl
and weighs ten pounds or a boy,
fits boy baby. Ma was out on
one of her professional engage
ments, and ! got in bed with pa.
| had heard pa blame ma about her
cold feet, so | got Il piece of ice
about as big as a raisin box, just
zactlv like one of mas feet, and |
laid it right at the small of pas
back. l couldn't help latiing, but
pretty soon pa began to squirm and
he said, 'Why'n ell don't you
warm them feet before you come
to bed, and then he hauled back
his leg and kicked me clear out in
the middle of the floor, and said if
he married again he would marry a
woman who had lost both feet in a
railroad accident. Then I put the
ice back in the bed with pa and
went to my room, and in the morn
ing pa said he sweat more'n a pail
full in the night. Well, you must
excuse me. | have an engage
ment to shovel snow off the side
walk. But before | go, let me adj
wise you not to drink aignogg, and
don't sell tom-catsf for rabbits" and
he got out the door Just in time to
miss the rutabaga that the grocery
man threw at him.
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27

best strictly to regard this, as it is
awkward to present the check at
the bank and be told that there are
no funds.
In case ofmarriage by a clergy
man, courtesy demands hat the
groom present him with a So bill.
Courtesy gets %''lett,' however very
often since stocks are down.
If the groom be over sixty and
the bride under twenty, as is often
the case in San Francisco. she
should never presume on any occa-
sion to forget the respect due to
age. The custom here is always
to refer to him iocularly when he is
present, as ''you wretched bow"
and when he is absent, as grand
pa"
Reference to the past should
always be mutually avoided i'll
second marriages, as comparisons
of hat kind are odorous.
In preparing the family register
the names Of former husbands OF
wives are not inserted, nor any off.
spring Of previous progeny ledger
devoted to that particular venture.
The tin wedding, which used to
take place at the end Of five Of mat.
rimony, is obsolete in California,
having been replaced by the silver
wedding at hat period, which i,
rare. The tin wedding now take,
place at the end Of one year, and i
the parties + living together anC
on speaking terms at the end o
that peIiod, it is a season of %reioic
ing. These reunions are very
rare, however.
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27

clothing the undersuit worn Mt the
time Of his retiring for the night
and his pantaloons, in the pocket
Of which was a silver box contain
ing thirty matches. From a caro-
full examination of his trail it was
seer that he had been walking and
running about day ahd night.
During the day his trail avoided all
rocks. thorns and bushes, whereas
in his night travel he had stumbled
over stuinps and fallen down the
little ravines in his course. His
feet we're badly torn and cut by
Jagged rocks and his face boro
marks of severe bruises received in
his falls. The nail of the little fin
ger of the left hand was completely
torn off, and deep scratches on his
hands and wrists showed the effects
of a fearful struggle in climbing up
or down steep lodges. That he
never rcgaincd possession of his
faculties is highly probable. Ger
tainly the first thing to be done by
a man in his right mind, under the
circumstances, would have been to
kindle a fire. The country is thick
ly wooded. and to one so perfectly
able to look out for himselfa as Jor-
dan was, the kindling OF a big blaze
would have been the work of a few
seconds only. BY this he could
have kept himself tolcrably warm
and signalled his whereabouts to
the comrades from whom he had
wandered. BE this as it may, the
event remains as one of the saddest
and most shocking in the military
annals of Arizona.
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27
Marriage Customs in California

From the California Wasp.
In all cases the expense Of mar
riage should be borne by the
brides family, who + tacitly mn
derstood to be getting the best OF
the bargain.
In cases where the bride has
been twice divorced previously or
Us a little oii-color, 50 TO speak, a
quiet marriage by a justice Of the
peace is best. His regular price by
law is 81, but if the bride is a regu-
lar customer he should knock off
twenty-five or fifty cents according
to circumstances.
The "swell" custom is for the
brides father to place some govern
ment bond or check for SO, 900
among the presents, it being a
point of honor with the groom to
let it alone after the ceremony UNI
til the old gentleman can take it
back OF tear il up. 1t Is always
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27
LIEUT.. JORDAN'S DEATH.
Lost in the Mountains of Arizona. He
Succumbs to Cold and Hunger.

Fort Whipple Letter.
The particulars Of Lieut.. Jor-
dams sad fate, as near as they can
be asccrtaincd, are as follows
Being an excellent shot, and fond
Of hunting, he joined a party of
officers and soldiers which left this
post and Fort Verde a fortnight
since to go to the summit Of the
Mogollon range or Black Mesa.
This range, about sixty miles to
the east of Prescott, is noted for
the number of wild turkey, deer
and bear to be found in its forests
and canons. Not one of the party
was in such high spirits or in such
apparently cXcellenthealth as poor
Jordan. On the night Of the 10th
inst, he rose from his blankets in a
fit Of somnambulism or temporary
alteration and wandered away from
the camp. He is said, by officers
who knew him when Il cadet, to
have once or twice walked in his
sleep, at the Military Academy,
and the concurrence of evidence
and belief is that some such calam-
ity befcll him on the present occa-
sion. The precise hour of his
departure is not known, but it
must have been some time between
one and three in the morning, the
herder on duty at the first named
hour having seen him i'll his blank
cts, and the one who went on
guard over the animals at three re-
porting that his bed was empty, a
circumstance which gave him no
uneasiness, as he presumed the
lieutenant was only temporarily alb
sent. Camp was aroused for the
work Of the day shortly after / o.
clock, and it was then discovered
that Lieut.. Jordan was missing,
and that his boots, coat and vest
had been left on his blankets. The
alarm was at once given, and the
camp 'circled' to cut his trail. In
the darkness this was hard to find,
and when struck, doubled and
twisted in a way to confuse the
most experienced woodsmeH, and
to assure them that the comrade OF
whom they were in pursuit, had
travelled with great rapidity. The
country i'll that vicinity is so fear
fully broken, cut up with deep
canons and covered with 50 much
rock, that the human foot makes
little or no impress, and, conse-
qucntly, Notwithstanding the encr-
gy and intelligence with which the
hunt was maintained, three days
elapsed before the unfortunate Off
Ger wa found-dead-in a small
r%avine, some eight miles from
camp, and about two or three miles
from the canon of Clear creek, one
ofthe deepest and most rugged in
America. He was lying face down
ward on a ledge of rock, his only
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27
Why Re Didn't Explain.

From the Detroit Free Press.
Some eight or ten years ago a
silvery tongued chap, who claimed
to be fruit tree agent, swindlcd
the farmers Of this county in a
shameful manner, and one resident
Of Nankin was so mad about it that
he came to Detroit, searched the
rascal out and gave him a pound
ing on the street. After he got
through his work he told the fellow
he would lick Him twice as bad if
he ever put his eyes on linn again,
and it was threat to be remem-
bercd. About three weeks ago the
Nankin man was travelling i'll Was
tenaw county, and as he %iourneyed
along the highway he met a travel
cr who so closely rcsembled the
fruit tree swindler that he halted
and called out:
Here you are again. you bold
faced rascal"
YES, I'm here" was the calm
reply.
"Well, som /, and I'm going to
lick You until you can't h%ollcr.," !
said I'd do it and | always keep
my word. Climb down here"
The stranger "clumb' without a
protest, shedding his coat as he
struck the ground, and a fight be
gan. In about two minutes he
had used up the farmer and was
cody replacing his coat.
"Sec here said the mar from
Nankin, as he wiped his nose with
burdock, you fight better than
you did eight years ago"
Gwen, ! dunno. This smy first
affair with you"
Didn't | wollop You III front of
the Detroit post-ofice eight years
ago."
ono, sir. Twas in Australia up
to a year ago"
"And you never saw me bcfore!''
Never"
"And never was in Nankin!"
"Nevcr."
swell, I'll be hanged! Come to
look at you, | can c that You arc
not the man. Why on earth didn't
you explain, OF ask me to! You
must have thought me mistaken
"Ch, yes; | knew you were
mistaken, but | had just discovered
that | had ridden seven miles on
the wrong road and was wishing
some one would come along and
give me two words. | didn't want
any explanation about it. l feel
fifty per cent better. So long to
you!"
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27

The new nickel is to be larger
than the old one. Glad to see the
government becoming more libeaal.
--1lK. Tureter.
The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-01-27

IT'S wrong TO beat your grocer
Out Of his honest dues,
It's worse to beat the cubblCr
Out of his boots and shoes.
There is a chance of pardon
For him who steals your coal,
But he who beats the printer
VIII surely lose his soul
The Dillon tribune. [volume] (Dillon, Mont.) 1881-1941, 1883-01-06
A1itatiOn In ireland.

The situation in Ireland Is such as to
cause great concern, not only among the
English people an,agonistic to the Irish,
but also among 1reland's friends. At the
last session Of parliament the government
refused to admit that the arrears act was 4
failure. or to permit MIR. Parnell to open a
discussion Of the Irish question with the
hope Of securing more favorable legislation.
In consequence all sections Of the Irish
party are united in favor Of another agita.
tion more determined and more general
than any previous one, for the purpose of
iot cling the government to consider the
condition Of the suffering people. Par.ia-
,nent does not meet until the middle Of
February, and BY that time popular sent.
ment i'll Ireland will doubtless be worked
up to fever heat. The situation will be
critical, and the government will be forced
to recognize the fact. What the consequent
ces will be depends altogether upon the at
titude OF the government at that time. In
the meantime, Parnell, Davitt, Healev,
and Others are making speeches, urging all
classes Of people to organize for the gen
eral welfare Of the country. Mr.. Davitt
has been making during the week series
Of speeches in the vicinity OF London, III
which he has discussed the question with
force and eloquerce. He sums up the
present condition Of his country as one oi
famine, discomfort. aud coercion and con.
>iders the prevailing distress OWN. to the
unjust system Of land laws, rack rent and
encouragement Of every form Of trade.
The Dillon tribune. [volume] (Dillon, Mont.) 1881-1941, 1883-01-06


IN THE District Court Of ths First Judicial Dis.
tr'ct oft,,c Territory Of Montana, IN and for The
County ot Belvcrhead.
William Il. Gilbert. plainha. vs.. Mary I. Gilbcrt.
defendant
The people Of the Territory of Montana send
greeting to Mary l.. Gilbert, defendant: You are
hereby required to appear in an action brua,ht
against YOU hy the above nained plaintiff in the Dis
trct Court Of the First Judicial District Of tn Ter
ritnrv of Montana, in and fr the county Of Re ,vcr-
head, and to answer the complaint filed therein,
withi. ten lays (excsive OF the dayOf servicc) at
ter the service YOU Of this SUMMONS, II served
within this county; or, II served out of this county
hut in this Dstric hin twent, d,yS; o,hrr.
wise within FORTY avs; Judgment hvslefult will
he taken against you, according to the PRAYER Of
aid ctmnpl unit.
The said action is brought to obtain decree o,
this court for dissolution o. the bonds OF III ,.ri,no.
ny heretofore and now existing between YOU and this
plaintih.upon the grounds ot adultery committed hv
you ter the two years last passed, md alsu your will
tul dcsertion and abandonment Of plaintiff about
the Is'h dav Of June, 1881 and yo,r continue dcs.r-
t;on and abandonment Of said plaintiff
And YOU are hereby not'fisd that If fail to ~,
pear and answer said complaint as above required,
The said plaintiff will apply to the court for the
lief demanded in said complaint.
Given under my h md and the seal Of the Dis:rc,
l--+ Court of the Frs, Judicial District Of tn.
SEAL, Trrritury "f Mont,na. in and for tn
county Of Bcavevhead, this s7th dav ot
November, in the wear Of our Lord on,
thousand eight hundred and eshtv-two.
THEl MUEFLY. Clerk
Bv PHri. u. AICS;ouGii, Deputy Clerk
G. MEAD, Plaintiffs Attorney. GIs :,