Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1883-04-18
Many pnsf- IETgLLIsgECER,
4 coon saUAsn TRADE

Son;re HspQood had the prettess
danohter and biggest squash OF any nAn
IN TIE town in which be lived.
Hia daughter was plump, buxom ana
.;ohtaen. and bore the name OF MAGGIE.
His SQUASH was of the variety known -
the Hubbard. and hs intended TO exnipit
- ~ the ensuiuQ autumn town TAR. q
.h;ch h fopdIy hoped and believed u
-cnid - awarded the first premium.
IN his daughter and his vegetables the
.on;re Iavished all OF his affection, but
slss! that my Pen should record tine
-sc.Nshie hot kyy far the larger pert.
"a loved Maggie n Brutus ioved C&
AR. but he loved the squash a. bfosus
loved home.
Now, in my opinion pretty girl = OF
more yaIue than q squash, however Dig
the souash might he; and 20 thought Dig
Hiram Hardy. He was smart yo1nR
Warmer. and was nejghbor OF the squire;
ia vas dead in love with Maggie, ana
Mscoie vas dead in love With him. ne
v;~ited her twice or thrice week. ont ne
,n;Oht a. we'll have stayed at home Tor
anc nleasure that be derived from bis
v;:its, Not one time 10 twenty did ne
r,at 4 chance to exchange moro tnsn
dogsn vords with her. Nosooner would
he make his appearance At her no Q
ti,en the snuire would take him ont INTO
ths Garden TO see that squash" and ne
wouId keep him there hour after hour
talkino sauash TO him until his brain
would fairly reel.
Al Ien0th one day Hiram was fortunate
anouoh 10 find his beloved alone. here
was an opportunity 70 propose, ana ne
vns not sloW to avail himself Of It. Mag
ole. blushiue and radiant, referred him
10 hsr father.
That very evening Hiram called upon
the snuire. He found the old gentleman
roasting his heels before q CHEEKY nre.
Reside him stood pitcher OF cider and
in his hand was q weekly paper, jour
nal devoted TO agriculture. Hearing the
Young man enter he lifted his ewes from
the page, first taking caro- to marx Ms
place with his finger.
"Howdedoo. Hiramf" he cried, In hi.
Usual loud, hearty voice. az ne recognized
bia Visitor. "Take cheer"
Hiram returned the salutation and tnen
deposited himself in chair which Mag
oie hasteped 30 bring him. :,
"Haye some cids RI" asked the Ole
man.
well, I don't care If do" returned
Hiram. nething 10th.
Maggie filed large tumbler with the
refreshing beverage and handed u u
her lover, who drained IL In a business
like manner. -,
You've come just in tho nick o
time" said the squire, turning 10 hi'
paper.
"Ehw said Hiram.
"Just In time TO hear an account OF
new tangled way Of killing squash bug7
Ill read il 10 you."
Hiram cast despairing glance at bis
charmer, and received sympathetic one
in return. Then he tipped his chail
against tho wall, clasped his hands above
his head, aud resigned himself 10 the
inevitable.
Squire HapQOod prided himself on hi
elocutioa, Il wos Of n jerky, explosive
nature. Every word leaped from his
lips like bomb from the mouth Of q
mortar. He paid no attention to thu
punctuation marks with which an article
was interspers0i. He used but two
stops, short one and n long one. Tn.
former he used after every word, Ant
the latter whenever he wanted TO cleal
his throat with drink Of cider.
10 H0VQulk IA bko INV -kNkIkAVa WoJ
Of killing squash bugs was quite lengthy
Il took the squire n full half hour u
read Il. When he reached the end O
IL he turned to his visitor and ex
claimed:
"Nov what do You think o that
Hiram?"
Alas, poor Hiram! He knew not wha
TO say. He had not been listening to tn
article; he had been watching his sweet
heart pare apples. But the old man
eyes were upon him, and he had to "a,
something.
~ think that-that." he stammered
~ think t--that-that it's all moon
shine! he added. becoming desperat
and little angry.
Without knowing u he had hit the ma
squarely on tho head.
Squire HapQood struck his knees on
phatically with his hand.
You're right. Hiram" he cried, ~
provingly. "You've got Some sens
about you. you have! It'sall moonshin,
Tue idea OF putting pisin on the vines
kill the buRsl Why, II would kill tn
vines. too. Any fool ought TO know tha
That editor 10 donkey! Ill write /
him tomorrow to stop my paper. &
In for the old-fashioned way Of KILN
squash bugs, l do. Just catch 'cm an
mash their heads with STONE; thnt's th
way 70 kill squash bugs"
"ThAt's o." said Hiram, recovcrin
his sell. possession. and winking, unpel
ceivsd by the old man, At Maggie.
Squire Hapeood lsid down his pape
and showed his chair back from the fir
Hiram knew BY sad experience wha
WAS coming, and determined tn max
an effort to prevent IL by unfolding q
once the object Of his visit. He hemme
two or three times and began:
Squire Hapeood, ! called here q
night to-"
:. 10 SO that squash. Yes, know 70
did. was intending all along o. sho,
u 10 yo0, bus l thought you'd like I
hear me read that pieoe first. MagQi,
my boots" and the old man nimbl
kicked Oh his slippers.
Don't put on your hosts, squire.
didn't come here tonight 10 nee tina
squash. l won't put you 70 the trou
ble."
mo trouble ut all. ia a. soon nc
coInmodats yon N not. Maggie. IN
"But, squire. ia darker than Esyr
out" W
Maggie, my lantern"
And i raius, too. csn hear Il bea
agAinat the window"
Maggie. NV umbrella
Hiram groaned and eavc up the con
tee: At oncs.
Come along, Hiram" and out int
the garden they went.
lt has grown wonderfully aimee yo
we're here last; don't you think SOP
aaid the squire. N they came 10 . paus
beside the mammoth vegetable.
Shouldn't have known il waa III
same squash said Hiram, unblush
inQly.
"come around and take a look AZ /
from this side. Jerusha! Amt il q mon
ster, thought
You bee.'
DEACON Sykes thinks he's going /,
take the first premium ON squaahes thi
year. but he viii nnd himself most might
lily mistaken"
That he will.s
this"
"Of course not.
"Just look q that stem, Hiram; there
stem for you!''
should ny %"
And Just look a them viuss: ala 70,
ever 80 the likDr
No, never"