The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-06-01
HUMOR OF II DAY.

"You be hangedl'
According to an exchange, this is tht
season when the mar who can see ser,
mons in running brooks is apt to &c
and look for them on Sunday. Fish
are biting.
A Georgia young lady is raising
four acres of onions in order to obtain
$500. When she gets through she
ought to be able to write a companion
piece to Tennyson's clears, Idle
Tears
Mrs. Spaggins was boasting of her
new house. The windows, she said,
were stained. "That's too bad; but
won't turpentine or benzine wash it
off p asked the good Mrs. Oldboy.-
Burlington HIWkeye.
"Shall we wear a silk hat ?" was the
subject of a lecture by a Brooklyn di-
vine recently. That is a question
which no man can answer. Every
thing depends on which way the cleo
tions go.-Philddelphid NeUS.
There is a young fellow in our neigh
borhood who has been making a daily
practice of attempt ng to sing, LET
me like a soldier die" He seems to
crave death, and they do say that one
of the neighbors who has a musket is
preparing to accommodate him.
Saturday Night.
The height of economy has been
reached in Philadelphia. A woman in
this city, having worn out the heels
and toes of her red stockings, is going
to use the upper portions for lining her
bonnet. 1t won't be quite as snowy as
red satin, but ju.t think how much it
saves.-Phtadelphia Chronicle.
A woman has been sending bananas
to her husband who is confined in jail
in st. Louis. They were of a very
peculiar kind, and are deserving of the
attention of horticulturists. On ex'
animation they were found to contain
saws and files within their pulpy
bosoms. The imprisoned criminal viii
hereafter be known by his fruit.
"What dye leave that door wide
open for 2" exclaimed the gentleman
in the office to the intruding peddler
Vol thought SURF" was the quick re
)ly, "tkat we moight want to kick mt
downstairs, and Oh wanted to make il
convenient for we, SURF The gentle
man was so taken aback that hi
bought two apples for five cents
passing off a bad quarter in the trans
action.-Boston Transcript.
Charley, the three-year-old of thu
household, stood an attentive and inter
ested looker-on while grandma wa
pairing potatoes for dinner. Present.,
She made u sign of disseminating thu
work with a single potato left un
peeled and unwashed. The little fel
low reached into the pan, took it in hi
chubby hand, and turning his brigh
eyes in an appealing glance to grand
mas face, exclaimed: "Take i'm c'oe
off and give i'm baff, too"
A gentleman, who i3 said to be ION
of the poets laureat of the Unite'
States" has written "a poem descrir
tive of a visit to Egypt, in which h
says: "Then to the railroad we did 6
To take the ears for Cairo; To see tn
pyramids was our intent, So from Al
exandria we went" We never under
stood before just what was meant by
"poet laureat of the United States,
but it is clear from this specimen tina
the country is well supplied with then
-NorriStoWn Herald.
Inquirer-You wish to set NJ
Snaggs and his next door neighbor
fighting. Easy enough. Some Oar
night Just take a load of ashes and oil
oyster cans and dump them in Snagg
back yard. He'll lay it to his DeighbC
and sling 'em over the fence. Th
neighbor'n be ma1der than a candidat
for office beaten by n vote, and wi
sling 'em back. Then things wi
hum; law suits, pulled noses an
bloody heads will result, and you ca
sit back and see the fun.-Boston Pos
An indignant landlord writes d
handing the name Of the party wi
frst suggested putting coils of rope
sleeping rooms as "A protection again
fire. He says he provided every be-
room in his house with a coil of rop
and the first night three of his CUES
lowered their baggage from the sixt
story window and skipped, leaviI
several days board bill unpaid. J.
allows that being burned to death
bad enough, but running a hotel Fl
fun is a good deal worse.-Rochest
EIpresS.