Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-11-03
THE BAD BOY.
He and his Chum Take u Trip to Chicago
He thinks the Prodigal Son Business
A Dead Failure.

"Hello, got back again, have your
said the groceryman to the bad boy,
as he came in the store looking tired,
with his clothes soiled, and a general
appearance of having been sleeping
in freight cars with cattle. "Your
pa told me he expected you had run
away for good and that you might
not come back. Where you been7''
Chicago" said the boy, as he took
out toad stabber knife and pro-
ceeded TO take the ulster off a smoked
herring. "Been playing Prodigal
Son, in two acts. But times have
changed since that young fellow in
the Bible went off on tear and came
back and the old folks killed young
cow for him TO eat, and fell on his
shirt collar and cried down the back
of his neck. They don't receive
prodigal sons that way in our ward.
They fill a prodigal sons coat tails
full of boots, and he can't find cold
veal enough in the house to make a
sandwich"
II thought your folks were pious,
and would he inclined to overlook
anything" said the groceryman, as
he charged the herring and crackers
to the bad boys father You don't
mean to tell me they went back on
the teachings of the go'd book, and
warmed your jacket"
"You have guessed it the first
time," said the boy. This prodigal
son business is all right in theory,
but in practice it's dead failure.
You see at Sunday school the lesson
was about the prodigal son, and the
minister told us all about how the
boy took all the money he could
scrape up and went away to distant
country and painted tho towns red,
and spent mis- money like country
man at a circus, and how he took in
all the sights, and got broke, and got
hungry and took a job at the stock
yards feeding pigs, and he WAS so
hungry he used to help the pigs eat
their rations, and finally he thought
of his home, where they had pie, and
he went home expecting to be fired
out, but his pa was tickled to see
him, and set up a free lunch of calf
on the half she'll, and hugged the
boy, and made him feel bully. When
we got home pa and ma talked about
the lesson, and pa said it was one of
the most touching things he ever
heard, and told me to think of it, and
it would do me good. Well, the more
l thought of it the more l felt like
trying the prodigal business on, and
/ told my chum about it, and he said
he hadn't had any vacation and he
would go off prodigaling with me il
/ would go, and we could see the
country, and have good time, and
come back and be received with open
arms. Well, we got all our money
together, and brakeman OH freight
train, that goes to our church, cause
his wife sings in the choir, he hid us
in the caboose, and we went to
Chicago. 0, my, bat we had good
time. l never saw money wither the
way it did with us. We eat about
twenty times a day, the first two
days, and then our appetites left us,
because we didn't have any more
money. The first two nights we slept
in a two shilling lodging house, the
third night we walked around, and
the fourth night we slept in the police
station. When our money was gone,
half the fun was gone. If fellow
can walk around with money in his
pocket, he feels good, even il he don't
want to buy anything, but when the
money is gone, he feels bad, and
wants to buy lets of things We
waited two days for our brakeman,
and when we got on his train he put
us in cattle car, and it was vile. i
traded my collar-button for a postal
card, and wrote to pa that the prod
igal would put in an appearance at
nine ,. NJ, and for him to prepare to
fall on my neck. and to send down to
the meat market for hind quarter
of fatted calf. and have plenty of
gravy. You wouldn't believe it but
there was no carriage at the depot,
and we had to walk home. l could
have overlooked that if there had
been anything to eat when | got to
the house, but there wasn't enough
Tor a canary bird. Pa was there,
however, and I was just going to
hold out my neck for pa to get on to
weep, when he grabbed it with his
hand and came near twisting it off,
and then he turned me around and
began to play the bass drum on my
clothes with his feet. ! never was so
annoyed in all my life, honestly. 1t
was not the treatment l had a right
to expect, after they had told me
about the prodigal son of ancient
times. AS quick rs l could catch my
breath asked pa what he thought
the prodigal son of the Bible times
would have thought If his pa had
mauled him when he came home,
and what kind of a story it would
have made, if it had told about the
old man taking him by the neck and
kicking him all over the room instead
of falling on his neck and weeping
and giving him veal pot-pie. Pa
said he wasn't running any old back
number prodigal sons, and he thought
his way was the best, and he sent me
to bed without any supper. Thai
settles the prodigal business with
Hennery. No more fatted calf fol
Hank, II you please" and the boy
got up and shook the herring peel