The Republican journal., 1883-01-04
spoopendyke as Farmer.

This" said Mr. Spoopendyke, as he
gazed around oD his new acquisition of
six acres, "ths my dear, is what have
always wanted. A farm and farmers
life are the highways to happiness. Mrs
Spoopendyke, don't you think so"
'lt's perfectly lovely rejoined Mrs
Spoopendyke. II was born on a farm,
and was always healthy, though had TO
go a good ways for water"
'Ill fix that, my dear" returned MIR.
Spoopendyke "IlI bring the water.
Now where are my agricultural reports ?
must plant right off if we are going to
have crops, and when they are ripe We'll
take them TO market
II see the report says YOU must give
Your hen chopped turnip once in while, .
said Mrs. Sp0opendyke, putting her
thumb on the paragraph
'Either that or cabbages," returned
her husband. 81 don't know whether We'll
have cabbages enough" he continued
musingly.
'Nou might have less buckwheat," /"
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke II should
think, though, that two acres would be
enough for one hen; and if it isn't, YOU
can buy load now and then from the
neighbOrs."
I'm think that over" replied Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Here's one thing certain
don't understand. 1t says We should
test a few seed before planting to be
sure they will germinate; but it don't
say how to do it."
"Maybe it means to boil them" sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke; Or perhaps
YOU
"Oh perhaps YOU think it means to
crack 'em with an axe to see if they are
hard. s'pose you've got an idea YOU
stick straWS into 'em to see if they re
done Well, you don't; you put acid on
'em. I'll get some acid and drop EN- in !;
and if it discolors 'em they're no good,
and if it don't they're all right. think
we ought to have some Weevi for the
pig"
IL don't know where YOU'RE going to
plant it." said Mrs. Spoopendye, 'unless
it will grow with buckwheat or onions.
You can't put it with the cabbage, be
cause the pig and hen would fight
"Don't you know what weevil is 2" de-
manded Mr.. SpOonendyke, glaring at his
wife. ''Got notion it is some kind of
weed for the pig to smoke, haven't you
Imagine it's gilt-edge note paper with a
monogram for him towrite on, don't you ?
Well, it isn't swallow-t tail coat or a plug
hat for him to go to church in, neither
You don't plant weevil, Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, any more than you do soap, clothes
pins, or stair rods. You buy it in bar
rels, and I'll order some"
81 think we ought to have some lace
curtains for the front windows" suggest
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to change
the conversation.
~ es, and we want folding bedstead
for the cow, and we've got to have a new
arm chair for the pig, and 'm afraid
those cabbages won't do without a wet
nurse" )" squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke. ~
suppose I've got to hire man to see that
the meadow don't go fishing on Sunday
and upset your religious notions Oh i,
you're a farmers wife, you are. If had
time to write an index to you and get
some dodgasted binder to fit you up with
tly-leaf, you'd make a whole agricult-
ural report"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot into the
house and TO bed, while his wife, having
put all the oil lamps into buckets of wat
er, so they couldn't explode during the
night, fell asleep, dreaming that the
cabbage patch had eloped with the on
ions, while the COW and the pig had died
of weevil, and the windmill had abandon
ed agricultural pursuits and started off
through Ohio preaching the gospel
brooklyn Eagle.