, 1883-08-04
The Old and the New.


ed the old man sadly, as he scruti-
nized the books ON the reviewers
table, "since my eyes gave out |
haven't been able to do any readin'
and I've lost the run Of the
present style of novel. Are they
much different than they were when
l was a boy ?"
"They haven't changed any," re-
piled the reviewer kindly. n should
say they were the same now they
were twenty years ago"
"Does the pretty girl say 'AlphOnze
| love but theep and fall on her
knees and pray high heaven to spare
him when he jumps overheard to re-
scue her hated rival from shark /?
used to get right up and turn around
when / came to thatpa Have they
altered it in any way ?'
"That is the point on which the
last novel turned" murmured the
reviewer "Only it wasn't shark.
lie saves the hated rival when she is
threatened by an alligator. They go
mostly on Indians lately"
CHATS it!' exclaimed the old
man, with glistening eyes. 'Hhe
same old business. The brave trap
per says, Back to thy wigwam, saw
age, or by the scttin' sun l had slew
the with these hands, ere thou hadst
laid impious touch upon the pale
daughter Of the pile face > and then
the Indian skidaddlcs out and sets
up jobs on the girls young lover.
Oh, Pm onto all that style. When
used to read these things | wanted
to cover myself over with red paint
and tear the hair out Of the plaster
on the walls"
"And the Indians catch the girl,
and the young lover crawls up the
night before they are going to burn
her at the stake and cuts the ropes,
and puts her on the neck Of pony,
springs up behind her and, with a
demonic laugh, speed away to his
mountain fastness. That's the ideal"
and the reviewer, who had imbibed
the old mans enthusiasm, rubbed
his hands and forgot his debts.
81 don't see how them writers
think of all these thing" pondered
the old man. "Thcn there was the
fellow who used to defy the million
aire father and run away with the
girl and get married in his overalls.
DO you ever hear how he made out
to get another job ?"
"He's just the same he was when
you were a boy. The only difference
is he makes a fortune in Wall street,
now and then takes the father in as
junior partner in some scheme that
lands them both in Jail, and the girl
elopes with an actor"
"Of course you've got to expect
some Improvement as you grow old
er," conceded the old man with
sigh. "The world don't stand still.
How about the murderer, nowadays?
Does theyounger man with the broad
shoulders take him by the neck and
say, Hound, thou hast forfeited thy
dastardIy life, but in the light Of the
happiness that dawned upon me
through the miscarriage of thy ma
chinations, let thee gOp And
then, does the murderer slink away
and fall into the water as he crosses
the canal? That's another thing
used to trip me every rattle. I've
seen the time l have bored hole in
the cellar floor with the top of my
head over that business"
"He's the same old murderer" re-
piled the reviewer. There hasn't
been any change in him, except that
once in while he turns out to be an
Irish informer, is paid for his testi-
mOny, gets drunk on the profits, and
dies Of delirium tremens."
"That's new death for him." re-
marked the old man. "But / sup
pose they got struck for something
fresh once in while and have to
keep up with the demands Of the
times. How about the bank presi-
dent who wouldn't forgive his daugh-
ter when she ran away with the hon
est young pirate ?"
"By the way, there is something
new about him p exclaimed the re-
viewer. "They used to make him
die Of apoplexy, but under the new
laws they have the cashier default
and take away all the old mans
property to pay the depOsitOrs. Then
the pirate brings out lot of gold
cups and starts the old man in an
other bank, and they all get rich to-
gether."
81 don't think that's as good rs the
other" complained the old man,
shaking his head, "apOplexy was
more sure, and II didn't give him a
chance to default on the unsuspect-
ing pirate"
THAT'S so" admitted the review
er.
"Then there was the young girl
what took in sewin' rather'n marry
the old gentleman with the gout Is
she gettin' pretty stiddy work all the
time now or does she marry the
ohjec' Of erchoice T'
"Oh, that's all been calcimined and
whitewashed," retorted the inter-
viewer "Now, she Is taken with