The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-05-27
THE SPOOPENDYKES IN
HAMLET.

queen, anu We want luis tuluS W ~
| Of about right. The hardest part we
have to play together is where l ac-
ause yen of poisoning my father, and
We bad better try until we get it per-
fect. I'll commence:
Now, mother, what's the mat
ter p"
well, I was thinking whether l
bad better wear my black silk or my
maroon suit" returned Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, sticking her finger into her
mouth reaecsively. 'Do Queens
wear"
will you be kind enough to tell
me what pack of cards you got that
idea ola Queen irom?" demanded
Mr.. Spoopendyke fixing his wife's
eye with glare. ''Do you suppose
the Queen sent Tor Hamlet to get his
opinion on bargain in dry goods
When I say that you must say:
Hamlet, tLou hast thy father
much offended"
"Oh! l understand" pleaded Mrs.
5poopendyke. Il thought you asked
me what | was thinking about. I
didp't know you had commenced
the play. Try it again."
well, you be careful this time,"
recommended Mr.. 6poopendyke. in
a tone OF solemn warning. This is a
play, this lie. Think you know the
difference between q play and q
| hanKruDt sale? Know the difference
betW cen a play and a millinery shop
opening? "Now. I'll try it again,
and you try to do it decently."
"Now, mother, what's the mat
ter9"
There's nothing the matter now,"
replied Mrs. spoopendyke, straight
ening up and preparing to be Queen
as soon as her turn came. go on,
dear, I understand it now"
"5ay it can't YET" Numbered Mr..
5poope ndyke. "Haveu't ye studied
this business? Don't ye know your
part?"
"What shall 1 say dear?" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke. looking at her
bust and with a dszed expression.
"say /" roared Mr.. spoopendyke,
''sipg hymnl If you don't know
your part get of a psslml Didn't l
tell you what to say? Look here"
apd Mr.. Spoopendyke lowered his
voice to the intense pitch. Have
you ever read this play? Have you
conceived any kind OF a notion of
what it's all aboul?"
why, yes" faltered Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, you come in and stab Mr..
Specklewottle behind the ears and l
scream. Isn't that right, dear?'
Hear her" mosned Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, fIothing at the mouth. ''stab
Specklewottle behind the ears! That's
all right; now you scream Scream
why don't you? You know so much
about your part, why don't you play
it?"
"W-e-e-e-e p squealed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, faithfully following in
structions. II knew l could do it
right as soon as you showed me how.
'Oh, that was queenly ~ snarled
Mr.. spoopendyke. dropping into a
chair and regarding his wife with
rolling eyes. "Just do that again.
Four of those dramatic efforts will
make this play the greatest of modern
entertainments Do it once more?"
SIT hurts my throat" complained
Mrs. Spo pendyke. Cant we make
it do with one scream, dear?"
MRS. 6poopendyke," said her hus-
band with unnatural calmness
''there's been some mistake in this
thing. You should have been cast
for Ophelia. That was the part in
tended for you"
Il would just as soon play It,"
murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, who
failed to see the drift of her. husbands
remarks. "What did he do?"
He was an idiot from birth, and
afterwards went crazy" explained
Mr.. Spoopendyke. THAT was the
part for you"
"Then I'd rather be Queen" re-
turned Mrs. 5poopendyke, bridling q
little. ''Now, dear. lets commence
all over, and I'll do it right this
time"
"You can't do it worse" growled
Mr.. 6poopendyke. "I'll try it once
more. just to see what kind of foolish
ness you can work off"
"NoW, mother, what's the mat
ter?"
W.e-e- e.e." giggled Mrs. spoopen-
dyke. satisfied that she was perfect
this time. "Hamlet, oh, Hamlet /!
we-e-e-e"
"Turn it of!' yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, springing from his chair. and
capering around the room ss though
snake had bitten him. "Be quiet
and break off the end. What's the
matter"
I'VE, e.e el' squealed Mrs. spcop-
endyke, profoundly impressed with
the idea that the play was still going
on. and that she had mastered the
intricacies OF her part.
"Will ye ever shut up?" gasped
Mr.. Spoopendyke, madden than ever
to think his wrath was taken for act
ing. who ever told you to yell like
that? Don't We know anything at all
scarcely? Think Hamlet's a lunatio
asylum? Got some kind of g notion
that the Queens foehorn9 Where'd