Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-09-20
MISCELLANEOUS.


What is the difference between the
death of barber and that of sculp-
tor? One curls up and dyes and the
other makes faces and busts.
-Terse aecoapt Of prize fight in
The Soc1rrJ IN. Nd .NescS: Harry
DOugherty, our city circulatOr, broke
Mexican porter at the Sturgis House
Tell on his arm. =
Says an Albuquerque correspOn-
dent; yLet me tell the young men from
the East that the Cry of Young man, go
Nesti IS played out, unless he wants to
take a pick and shovel and work for
two dollars per day and live ON almost
nothing h-Lhicag0 Times.
"a couple from Alexandria, Scot
land, came to this COUNTRY to be mar
led. They did so because the woman
was a deceased wife's sister, and they
could not be married under the absurd
English I2;y. This is one solution of
the difficulty. 7. Independent.
-Sick-headache patents are recon-
mended three glasses of lHke-warm
water, to be swallowed in rapid success
son, and to be followed Immediately by
a glass of hot mustard water THE
cfectis at times, adds the Troy (N.Y.)
Times, ''very beneficial and quite aston
lsAlng to the uninitiated.'
We are masters of the rest of the
civilized world. because of our cheaper
production of the absolute neces sites of
existence, because of labor-savin0
machinery and because of our railway
system. Year by year this dominion
will become stronger and firm er,
and the profits of the American
farmer and planterwin grow, until that
uncertain period when the European
farmer gets released from the now inev-
liable soldier on his back.--NelO York
Mail
An American lady was travelling in
Europe. She stopped at a French inn
IN Normandy, and being the best French
scholar in the party she was deputed
by the others to arrange for lodgings,
etc. In vain she aired her best lin
guistic entertainments. Not a word
could the clerk understand, and for
aught she knew his replies were in
''heathen Chinee." In desperation she
said, with great distinctncss: dc.
you-speak- English?" He frightened
at once and said: Land sakes! guess
do; was brought up ten miles from
Bangor, Maine!''
On the high road to the capital
from the Caspian the members of the
expedition sent by the German Govern
ment to observe the transit of Venus.
met lovely vision in habit and hat on
a prancing steed. They halted, saluted,
and declared their errand ''To observe
the transit of Venus ah, well, you can
go home now, gentlemen, your duty is
done; good-bye;" and the pretty vision
disappears at smart canter ''away in
4 hn .oNrTi rLraif ocH
That joke dawned on those Germans
after some hours.-Dr. WakpS E'MOde7H
Persia. rf.
Some enthusiastic versifier, who
hides his light under bushel, in other
words, his name under initials, has sup
piled London weekly journal with en-
pertaining reflections upon the famous
Ohio girl, Miss Chamberlain, who has
been for Il long time favOrite in Lon
don society. The versifer celebrates
Miss Chamberlain after this touching
fashion: ''Of all the gay and gifted
crew, here brought by kindly steam and
steerage, our commons Golfers to re-
new, or to regild the British peerage,
not one upon our hearts has played
with power like this Ohio maid. =
Detroit Post.
A parrot has been the means of
presenting young lady who lives near
Boston in very peculiar light. This
young lady sits ON the lower front
piazza with her work or book large
part of the time, but was out of town
for week, during which time parrot
had been hung in the upper piazza,
fact of which she was ignorant, as she
is little hard of hearing. Resuming
her old seat on her return, she became
Uo,.N- uOuob annnVn6 at 10 oft of
passers-by, especially the young gentle
men, and is now astonished to learn
that the parrot, hidden from view, has
been addressing everybody in the street
with the free-and-easy invitation, kiss
me, kiss me, kiss me quick - given in
perfect imitation of the human voice
Boston Post