Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-11-26
The dentists take the stump during Il
political campaign.

The dentists take the stump during Il
political campaign.
1t is the sausage manufacturer who
makes both ends meat.
A lazy policeman, like good piece of
cloth, is known by his nap.
Barnum's circus has gone into winter
quarters. So has Buffers
Said an English peer, amid the Pyra-
minds: 'I see that here mummy's the
word"
A little book just published is entitled
Chow to Talk" A copy should be
placed in the hands of every barber in
the land.
Speaking of visiting, does it ever occur
to you that the telephone girl answers
more "calls" in one day than other ladies
do in month?
A celebrated organist slipped on his
bench recently while playing Bach fu-
que as postlude. He was Immediately
expelled from the church as a Bach
Slider
S'And now," said William W. Astor,
the American Minister at Rome, will do
as the Romans do" And he sat on the
steps of st. Peters and held out his hat
for aims
The Hartford Times remarks that "Mat-
thew Arnold has great future before
him in Boston, 1t would be truly sad
if Mr.. Arnold had a great future before
him, in Boston or anywhere else.
''Ill give you a dose of Vermont JUS
tice," said New Jersey judge to a
wealthy young man arraigned before him
on charge of stealing: ''you are SEN
fenced to ten years in Colorado
ttPhewr' exclaimed the driver of an
omnibus, as he crawled out from under
his vehicle, which had been upset by
passing tre-engine.; ssthats the first time
| ever suffered from stage fright
The ladies in Ohio distributed coffee
and cakes on election day, many OF the
cakes being baked by seminary girls.
The men who ate the cakes and voted
the girls ticket viii never do either again.
A young lady, recently, speaking about
her brother being at the battle of Bull
Run, was asked in what capacity he
served. To which she replied with a
proud nod: s'He was the driver of an
avalanche.
Professor to class in surgery: ssThe
right leg of the patient, as you see, is
shorter than the left, in consequence of
which he limps. Now, what would you
do in case of this kind?'' Bright stu
dent: s'Limp, too"
''Your cheek is an awful temptation to
me" he exclaimed, as he looked admiring-
ly at her fresh young face. 'sYour cheek
must be an awful burden to you," she
replied, glancing at him suspiciously
and the fresh young man withdrew.
1t is the sagacious remark of a keen
observer of tourists, and he offers it to
the travelling public, that you can gen
orally tell newly couple at the
dinner-table by the Indignation of the
husband when q fly alights on the wifes
butter.
In Vienna the law compels man to
obtain permission from his wife before
he can go up in a balloon. Up to date
there has not been one application re-
fused, and the authorities are beginning
to think that the law might as well be
repealed.
A Connecticut boy has a third arm
growing out of the middle of his back.
There are times when a man would give
money for an arm in the middle of his
back; and such time is when he can't
reach an itching spot with his present
quota of arms.
When James T. Fields invented the
name of -the-sea, and wrote
a note to DR.. @. w. Holmes dated from
the place, DR.. Holmes replied in a note
dated, Beverly by the Depot" Never
was piece Of foolish affectation more
neatly rebuked.
How TO GET sIcK.-Expose yourself day and
night, eat to much without exercise, work too hard
without rest doctor all the time, take all the vile
know
words-Take Hop Btters.