Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-08-19
PEcK's BAD BOY.
Another Of His Famous Talks.
The Bow Discusses Solomon In all His Glory,
wththe GrOceyman-Arguss that a
thousand Wives are Too Much
of Good Thing.

~ lev - N1 N@~A~ ANN - NAAAAp
an = leg for"" asked the groceryman OF
tbs bad boy, as the youth had sat on a
b,x for halt an hour, with his hands in
his pockets, looking at 3 hole in the
Aoor until his eyes were set like a dying
horse. What you thinking OF, any
wsy9 1t seems to me bows set around
and think more than they used to
when | was a boy" and the grocery
man brushed the wilted lettuce and
shook il, aud tried to make it stand up
still AMI Grip, before he put it out doors,
but the contrary lettuce, which had
been picked the day before, looked so
tired that the boy Noticed 1t.
THAT lettuce reminds me of a girl.
Yesterday l was In here when it was
new, like the girl going to the picnic,
and il Was as fresh, and proud, aud
>,archcd up, and kitteny, and full of
life, and a. sassy rs Il girl starting
out for = Picnic,
To-day it has got back from the picnic,
and Ike the gIIl, the starch is all taken
cut, and il ~ Timber, and lauguid, aud
Tire anu cant stand up alone, aud Il
looks as though II wanted to be laid st
rts, beside the GOTTEN spples in the alley,
rather than be set out in front of q store
10 bt Sold To honest people, and give
them the gSugreue OF the liver" aud
the Ioy pat ON a health-2OmmissiOner
alr tha- heightened the grOcerymau, aud
lie threw the lettuce out the back
door.
"Nuu never mind about my lettuce"
said the gruceryman. 81 can attend
10 nv affair. But now tell me what
YOU Wtre thinking a6Ou. here all the
~DUIUIlg'
Il was thinking what u fool King
solomon VAS said the boy With the
air OF one who has made a statement
That las got to be argued pretty strong
20 make il hold water.
Now, look a here" said the grocery
man, IN anger, Il have stood It To have
yuH play tricks on me, aud have lIsIeu-
I'd H. your condemned fOOliShness with
vat a muru.ur a. long IS you have con-
.iued NOur>riftO people now living, bat
uitn YOU attack solomon, the wlseSl
man,
The Great king,
and rrIl him a fool, friendship ceases,
and you must get out of this tore.
solomon IN all his glory, is a friend OF
niue, and no fool j. going to abuse him
IN my ~;.rrseuce. Now you dry up"
sit down on the ice box" said the
10y To the grOceryman. What you
need il ret. lou are O~verwOrked. Your
alleged brain Is equal to wiIted lettuce,
and il can devise ways and means to
hide rotten peaches under good ones, SD
a. TO sell them to blind orphans, but
when il ONE to grasping great queS-
lions, your small brain cannot COmpre.
lend them. GUur brain may 20 up
Sideways To a great question, and u
against II, hat il cannot surround it,aad
Grasp il. That's where you are delOrm-
81. Now, il j. different with me. |
ran rarSe brain to sell 10 you grocery.
men. Listen. This SOlOAan is credited
with bving the wiSeSt man, aud yet
history says he had a thousand wives.
lust think Of il. You have got one
wife, and
Pa Has Got one,
ond oil tho n~IEhbnrs have one. VI they
have had any KIND Of luck. Does not
one wife ina you pay attention"
Wouldn't two break. you up. Wouldn't
three cause YOU 10 see stars? HDw
would ten strike you? Why, mtu
alive, you do not grasp the magnitude
of the statement that solomon had a
thousand wives. A thousand wives,
standing side by side, would reach about
four blocks. Marching by fOurS il would
take them twenty minute to pass -
give. point. Tie largest summer resort
hotel only holds about five hundred
urOplp, 80 Sol would have had TO hire
Two hOtelsii he TOOK his wives out for u
day in the country. II you would stop
and think once in a while you would
know more
The grocery mans eyes had begun to
stick out a. the bad boy continued, rs
though the statistics had never been
IrougAt TO his attention before, but be
WAS bound to stand by is old friend
solomon, and he said, well,
soIomOn's wives
must have been different from u
wives Oi the present day"
"Nol much" said the boy, as he saw
he was paraIyZing the grocery a
Women have been about the same
ever since Eve. She got mashed on the
cid original dude, and 1t stands To rea-
son that SOlOmOn's wives were no better
than he mother of the human race.
Statistics show that one woman out OF
every ten is red headed. That would
give Solomon an even hundred reu
beaded wives. Just that hunured req
headed wives would be enough to make
an ordinary man think that there was
q land that il fairer than this. Then
there would be, out of the other niue
hundred, about three hundred blondes,
and the other SIX hundred would be
funttteS, aul maybe he had a few
a.biLOs. aud bearded women, and lat
women, and DIV arts. Now, those thouS-
and women had appetitesr desires LOT
dress and style, the ame "a all women
Imagine solomon saying to them,
't,irlS, lets all 60 down To the ice cream
saloon and have a dish OF ice cream,
Tan ,ou. with Your brain muddled
with e. dish and new potatoes, realize
the >csu. that would follow. Suppose,
after Solompm's broom brigade had got
seated IN
The lee Creamery,
one OF the red headed wives should
catch solomon winking at 3 strange
girl AT another table. You may thlnS
solomon did not know enough 70 WINK
or that he was not that kind OF q hirt'
bu, he must have been or he could never
have succeeded in marrying q thousand
wives, IN a sparsely settled country. No,
sir, il looks To me as though Solomon IN
all bis glory, was an old masher, anu
from what 1 have seen OF men oeing
tossed around with one wife, L don't
envy solomon his thousand. why,
just Imagine that gang of wives going
and ordering fall bUnnets. Solomon
would have 10 be 3 king, or q Wander
bit 10 stand il. Ma wears five dollar
silk stockings, and pa kicks swtuily
when the bill comes in. Imagine Solo
mon putting up for q few thousand par
otsilk stockings. / am glad you WIN
SIT down and reason with me ~
rational way about some Of these Biole
stories that take my breath away. Ioe
minister stands me OFF when L try 10
talk with him about such things. anu
tril- ms IN sfuNy fha narable OF Ln6