The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1883-02-27
HIS PA JOKES HIM.
By GEO. W. rrcK.

| "N ----- 9ai 10 piiuf.l si
"What on earth issthati you have
got OF, your upper lip" said tho gro
Gerry man to the bad boy, aahe. came
in and began to peel rntabaga, and
his upper lip hung down over his
teeth, and was covered with isome.
thing thst looked like sshoemakers
wax. rl"You lock aa though you had
bcen digging potatoes with your
nosen ''"'VH@ 's''hA HffN q
40, that's some Of pas darn smart,
hess. I asked him if he knew any,
thing that would mske,a boys mous.
tache grow, and he told mo the beat
thing he ever tried was tar. and for
me to rub II on thick when. went TO
bed. and washit tofsipythe morningd
put It on last night, and by gosh !
can't wash 1t off. Pa told mo all l had
10 use was securing brick, aud II
would corno off, and Fused the brick,
and'it,took the skin of, and the tar
iisthere.yet. and say, does my lip
llook'vary bad ="
ssThe grocerylnan told him 1t wasC
the worst looking lip he ever saw.
but he could cure It by rubbing it,,
cayenne pepper in the tar. lie said
tho tar would neutralize the pepper,
and the pepper would loosen the tar
andlaci as a cooling lotion to tlle lacs'
arated lip. Thu boyawent TO a eau Of
pepper behindo the b, COUNTER, and
| stuck his finger in and rubbed n lot
lofitonlhfs lip, aid iheii his hair bbe
9amto raise, and he began 10 cry, aud
rushcdtoth the waterapsll and ian biz
face into the waller 10 wash on the
pepper. The, groeeryman laughed
and when the boy had got the pep
per washod of, and had resumed HE
rutabags, he said:i eealiaossij L. !
THAT sealsisyour fate. No man
Eeycr irifss with the feelings Of the
bolti bnecaneer Of The Spanish main,
'withont lfSing 10 rueait.@" " liewill lays
for.you old .hshJauds sdonh you for,
eetit. Pa sthDught he wasl smart
when he got me to- vput, tar, on my
lip, to bring my moustacho out, and
to.day he lays on 4 bedTof pain, aud
tomorrow your turn w III come. You
will regret that you did not get dowH
on your knees and, beg my pardon.
You will be sorry YOU did not pre-.
scrIbe cold cream for my bruised lip,
instead ofcayehhe pcppera Beware,
you base twelve OUNCE 70 the pound
hucks,er, you, gimlel-cyed seller OF
dog sausage, you sanded sugar idiot,
you small potato three card monte
.leight OF hand rotten egg iiend, you,
villain thai sells smoked sturgeon
and doghsh Tor smoked halibut. The
avenger is OIL your Track 81 3" ~
/ 7"Look here, young man, doh'tyoui
threaten me, orInwill mkesgyou by
the ear and lead you through green
fields and beside still waters, TO the
front door, aud kick your pistol pock.
ct clear around SO you cam wear II
for a watch pocket in your vest No
1 boy can frigh,en me, by crimus. Bpl
tell me, how did you, get even with
your .pa2p, "
swell, give ne glass OF cidor and
wewill be' fricnds, andI will tellyou.
fThailks saGosh, but that cider Is
made out of mouldry dried apples
and sewer water" and he took a
handful OF layer raisins of the top oi
a box to take the taste out OF his
mouth, and while the grocer charged
peck OF rutabsgas, a gallon Of cider
and two pounds Of raisins TO the boys
pa, the boy proceeded: "Yoa sec, pa
likes a jokctle best OF any man you
ever saw, ifitliss on somebody. else,
but he kicks like a steel, when 1t is
on him. asked him this morning
fit wouldn't be good Joke TO put
soft soap OIL the front step, so the
letter carrier would slip up, and spill
himself, and pa said II would be elc.
CANT, Pa is democrat aud he
thinks that anything that wills make
1t unpleasant forh Republican offico.
holders, sisiegitimate, and, he encour.
aged mo to paralyze tho letter.car.
rier. The letter carrier 'is- as old a
man as pa, and didn't want TO hu,
initiate him, but 1 Just wanted pa to
give his consent go he couldn't kick
II he got caught i In his own trap,
you see Well, this morning tbs mill
lister and two ofthc deacohs called on
ps, TO have atslk wi ith him about his
actions,im church, ontwo or three oc-
casions, when be pulled out the pack
OF cards with his Handkerchief, and
jplayed the music box, and they had Q
4 pretty hot time in Aliel back psrlor,
|, and finally they settled iii and lwere
going TO- sing hymn, when pa hand;
ed them a little hymn book, and tho
? minister opcnedit and turned pale
, and said, what 7is this 2'handf thoy
/ looked at II, and 1t was a. book Of
IIoyle's games instead Of q hymn
book. \, Gosh, wasn't the minister
mad 4? he Fad started to read a hymn
and he quit after no had Tread two
lines where II said, 'In game of fopI
handed euchre, never trump YOU
partners ace, but rely on the ace Il
take the trick on cult Pa was, try
n imgito explain how the book came tc
/ be there. when tho minister and Jth'
. deacons s,ariod out, and then poured
!. the,two quart Tin pail full Of sofl
, soap on the front step, II, was thit
lwhite soap Just the color ofthe step
and when II goto it lspfesdgI went
down in the basement. The yisitori
came out and pa was trying TO ex'
plain TO them, abont IIoyle, wher
one Of the deacons stepped in tht
!. soap, and his feet flew up and h,
struck on his pants and slid, down ,h'
steps The minister said 'grea
heavens, deacon are you hurt2 lie
(. me assist you, and he took TIVE quicl
/. steps. and you have soen these fcl
: lows Iii anigger show that kick escl
i other head over heels and, fall OF
n their ears, and stand, on their ear
y and turn round like a top. Tho min
: listers feet slipped and the mex
Q thing saw he was standing on hi
: head ia his hat, and his legs vert
Il sort OF wited and fell limp by nj
' side, and he iell oyer on his stomach
y You Talk about spreading the gospe
7. in heaihen landss l's nothing to tn
o way you can spread, i with tw,
4 ~, ri, nf anft ooon Thu $ trtnfoi q