Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-04-09

Job never stopped over, but he boiled
over once.
We admire spirited animals, but deliver
US from wildly enthusiastic mule.
Funny, isn't it, that you always see the
night fall before any stars begin to shoot?
The real glove fight occurs when wo-
man tries to put a No. glove on No 7
hand.
Musicians are in the habit of slurring
| some notes, but they all speak well of
| greenbacks.
Sum marry to be happy, and missing it,
wonder where all the happiness goes to
| when it dies.
| If there is ever a time in mans life
when he is tempted to lie it is when the
assessor asks personal questions
There are a good many desolate and
uncomfortable things in this world, but
pldg hat in snow storm strikes us as
1 the climax.
Among other things taken by burglars
| from an Illinois minister's house were a
box Of tobacco, six bottles of whiskey,
and pistol.
A bride is reported to have lately said !:
81 told all my friends to have my name
| put on my presents, so that if divorced
George should not be able to clam them y
| An eastern merchant who never adver-
tised was found lying dead on the counter
in his store the other day. 1t is thought
the body had lain there several days be-
| fore being discovered.
The Whitehall Times man speaks of
'dimity hanging pendant from clothes
line, when zepherical wavelets, impreg-
mated with auroral ozone, perambulate
this mundane sphere"
"My boy" said politician to his son,
clean little toward everything and COM
nit yourself to nothing. Be as round as
bottle and just dark enough so that no.
body can see what's in you.''
The remains of man have been dug
| Ouo VI OLlC VI OIupcll, WI UOtL
hands resting upon his stomach The
building in which he was found was sup
posed to have been a cheap restaurant
A man who eloped with a Wisconsin
wife left a note for the husband: 81 have
looked your woman; but you are welcome
to my last weeks wages, which 1 didn'
draw and 1 hope that squares things
Barnum's big elephant was matched t.
pull against two horses, and was badl,
beaten. About the only thing an elephan
is good for is to furnish an excuse TO
awfully good folks to get into the circus
tent.
Jones asked his wife: ''Why is hus
band like dough?' He expected sh
would give it up, and was going to tel
her that it was because woman need
him; but she said it was because he wa
hard to get off her hands.
Old Mrs. B. came to town last week OF
why she was in such hurry to leave, sh
replied: ''Ive got to-; you see as how
came in ON an exertion train, and M
ticket perspires tonight
A Judge, in remanding prisoner, calle
him a scoundrel. The prisoner replied
II am not as big scoundrel as your hon
orr there the culprit stopped, but finall
added-''takes me to be- 'sPut you
words close together said the Judge
care those cakes new maple sugar?" h
asked as he halted before a stand on Wa
street. ssThey are, sir. 'sMade thi
winter?'' .sYes, SIR 'sFrom the pur
sap?' 'sThe pure sap, sir. How man
will you have?' s.Not one. am lookin
for some cakes of old maple sugar-som
at least year old. l think new suga
unhealthy" '1'll tell you what, SIR" sal
the keeper of the stand, as he gave hi
: voice confidential pitch, ''if you wan
six cakes at five cents each, I'll admit tina
/ lied about it and this is old sugar po
e. ished up with rag. Come, sir, patron
o ize poor but worthy man."