Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1883-02-21
TIE RAILROAD JUDGE,
Aad Rpw Rs s!dslrasksd the aln.
psrs This Morning.
Burned Out Boilers, DilapIdaIeu
SmOkestacks aud queer
y Filled Tat KS.

Clear the main track and back up
the passenger" said Judge Burke,
when he mounted the platform Of the
Depot de Police this morning, at 8:59,
railroad time.
Tim Mccarthy, the FIRST passenger
who alighted, had his baggage over.
hauled, and at least halt a gallon Of
contraband whisky was found. You
must put on brakes, Tim" said the
Judge. you are going down grade
too fast. Check up, Tim, check xp,
or you will be ditched the first thing
you know"
Andrew Keller, charged with va
grancy, was found to be travelling dead
head on a punched ticket and a
bunged eye, He had been travelling
around that way for the last six
months, the officer said, and
was a first. class vsgrant. Hadn't
we better lay him on the track
and run the engine over him?' in
quired the Judge.
please don't; you'll brake me all
up" piteously plead the prisoner.
Turn off your brakes and move off
then" said the Judge, while the
turnkey whistled to give him good
send of
Here's man that's been firing up
too much, sir" said the officer in
introducing Jim Moore.
1.-THE trouble with me. Judge" OK.
planned the prisoner, "the trouble
with me is taking too much water On
when my boilers are not"
You mean whisky, eh? You are
not much Of an engineer, that's plain.
Your head looks like the wick Of a
tallOw candle. 1t is red, but don't
give out any light"
"Oh, I'm a tiptOp man, Judge"
Then you'd better pull your
safety valve aud let off a little
gas. Entirely too much pressure
to the square inch. My opinion
is you've slipped an eccentric
and had better have your boilers
cleaned out. Your driving wheels
need oil, aud that smokestack you
have on your head needs to be brushed
up. Guess you had better go into the
rOundhouse for repairs. You will
never be fit for anything but a yard
engine or a dummy any more, I'm
afraid. Have you tender behind?"
Yes, Judge" replied the pris.
pner ruefully.
"Then I'll spare you. Go some
where for repairs as quick as you can. |
| don't want you on my road any
more"
Here Is an escaped convict from
Ensley's farm" the officer said, in in
Producing John Porter.
"A runaway, Ell? Who shut off his |
steam?'
II did, sir, replied John Doherly. |
II caught him coming around curve |
and smashed his headlights, yanked |
him off the track and brought him up
on a dray."
Where was bis cab?"
Busted"
"ScOtt Yinyard," exclaimed the
boss brakesman, when that individual
alighted, what kind Of q tank have
you been getting your supply irom2
Think I'll just side track you under
the bluff for ten days. And you, Dan
Jones, I'll put you in the ca(la)bOose
for like period. Your trucks don't
seem to fit the tracks in this town
somehow. They are at least six inches
too wide. What's the matter with
Mack Hart, did you saya Telescopeds
Looks like it. I'll send you to the
shops for eight days, Mack" a
Charles TFOlio Was shpyed ia,
CHARGED with atrikiaR Ahram Cannon,
OOlOred, over the head with beer
keG,
"The regulation baggage smasher,
ah Got you at last, have II"
ABE was a regular hair trunk,
Your Honor, and failed to make a
scratch. Surely my humiliation ia
great enough fgF ne 70 bear, without
ADDITIONAL punishment" cAimed
4rolio.
Don't think a., said ths cham
pion checker, "I'll charge you ten
dollars for failure to perform your
duty. Go and tackle pile driver and
try and improve your muscle "
Here the whistle blew,the bell rang,
the conductor pSied all aboard and the
Judicial locomotive sped away into the
distance.