The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1883-03-15
THE STATESMAN.
Had Bow.
AUSTIN, TEXAS.

and he took handful of layer raisins
off the top of box to take the taste
out of his mouth, and while the
grocer charged a peck of rutabagas,
a gallon of cider and two pounds Oh
raisins to the boys pa, the boy pro-
ceeded: "You see pa likes joke the
best of any man you ever saw, III IL Is
on somebody else; but he kicks like
saeer when IL is on him. L asked him
this morning if it would not be good
Joke TO put some soft soap on
the front step, so the letter carrier
would slip up and spill hlsSelf,
and pa said it would be elegant. Pa
is a Democrat, and he thinks that any
thing that will make IL unpleasant for
Republican officeholders is legitimate,
and he encouraged me to paralyze the
letter carrier. The letter carrier is as
old man as pa, and did not want
to humiliate him, but / just wanted
pa to give his consent, so he couldn't
Kick II he got caaght in his
own trap. You see2 Well, this
morning the minister and two of the
deacons called on pa, to have a talk
with him about his actions in church
on two OF three occasions, when he
pulled out a pack of cards with his
handkerchief, and played the music
box, and they had pretty hot time
in the back parlor, and finally they
settled 1t and were going TO sing a
hymn when pa handed them little
hymn book, and the minister opened
IL, turned pale, and said "what's this Z"
and they looked ut it, and it was a
book of Hoyle's games instead of a
HYMN book. Gosh, wasn't the minis
ter madl lie had started to read a
hymn and he quit after he had read
two lines, where il said, ain n game
of four-handed euchre, never trump
your partners ace, but rely on the
ace to take trick on suit" Pa was
trying to explain how the book came
tobe there, when the minister and
the deacons started out, and then i
poured the two-quart tin pail full Of
soft soap on the front step. 1t was
this white soap just the color of the
step, and when got it spread L went
down in the basement. The visitors
came out, and pa was trying to eX-
plain to them about HoYle, when one
of the deacons stepped in the soap,
and his feet flew up and he struck on
his pants and slid down the steps.
The minister said, Great Heavens,
deacon, are you hurt? Let me assist
you;' and he took two quick steps,
and you have seen those fellows in a
niger show who kick each other head
over heels, and fall on their ears and
stand on their heads, and turn around
like "a top. The minister's feet slipped
and the next thing l saw he was
standing on his head in his hat, his
legs was sort of wilted and hung limp
by his side, and he fell over on his
stomach. You talk about spreading
the gospel in heather lands. 1t is
nothing 60 the way you can spread it
with two quarts of soft soap. The
minister didn't look pious a bit when
he was trying to catch the railing.
He looked as though he wanted to
murder every man on earth, but it
may be he was tired. Well, pa was
paralyZed, and he and the other dea-
con rushed out to pick up the minis
ter and the first old man, and when
they struck the soap they went kiting.
Pas feet somehow slipped backwards,
and he turned asomersault and struck
full length on his back, and one heel
was across the minister's neck and he
slid down the steps, and the other
and pa swore at them, and it was the
worst looking lot of pious people l
ever saw. think if the minister had
been in the woods somewhere, where
nobody could have heard him. he
would have used bad language. The
hired girl told ma there were three
tramps out on the sidewalk fighting
pa, and ma she took the broom and
started to help pa, and tried to stop
ma, cause her constitutions not very
strong and didn't want her to do any
flying trapeZ biZness, but l couldn't
stop her, and she went out with the
broom and towel tied around her
head. Well, don't know where ma
did strike, but when she came in she
said she had palpitation OF the heart,
but that was not the place where she
put the arnica. o, but. she did go
through the air like bullet through
cheese, and when she went down the
steps bumpity-bump, felt sorry
for ma. The minister had got so he
could sit up on the sidewalk, with his
back against the lower step, when ma
came sliding down. and one of the
heels of her CATERS hit the minister
in the hair, and the other foot went
right through between his arm and
his side, and the broom liked to have
pushed his teeth down his throat.
But he was not mad at ma. AS soon
as he see it was ma, he said: why,
sister, the wicked stand in slippery
places, don't they and ma she was
mad and said for him to let go her
stocking, and then pa he was mad
and he said, look-a-here, you old sky.
pilot, this thing has gone far enough,
and then q policeman came along, and
he thought ut first they was all drunk
but he found out they were respect
able, and he got chip and scraped
the soap off of them, and they went
home, and pa and ma they got in the
house some way, and just then the
= letter-carrier came along, but hi
didn't have any letter for us
and he didn't stop, and then
went up stairs and said
"Pa, don't you think it is real mean
after you and fixed the soap on the
steps for the letter-carrier, he didn't
come on the steps at all" and pa hi
was scraping the soap off of his parts
with piece of single, and the hired
girl was putting liniment on ma anC
heating it for palpitation of the heart
and pa said, ''you dam idiot, no more
of this, or I'll maui the liver out o.
you," and l asked him If he didn''
think soft soap would help boys
moustache to grow, and he picked III
mas work-basket and threw it at my
head. as went down stairs and came
over here. Don't you think pa is un
reasonable to get mad at little jok'
he planned hisself?
The grocery man said he didn'
know, and the boy went out with
pair of skates over his shoulder, ant
the grocery man wondering VIVA
joke the boy will play on him.
A Small Ice Machine.
An ice machine suitable for privat
houses, or for steamers, ambulances
A... al l,xr IN