The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
The Paragraph Fiend.

Bawl dresses-Baby clothes.
Knot neutrality-suspicious.
A cold suap-A crack in the ice
Bear ground-The stock exchange.
Appropriate name for a bulldog-Agrip'
pa.
A Londoner has sued for divorce, al
lering that his wife is left.handed.
People say that blackberrles are good
Tor the complexion; but who wants Il
blackberry complement
A mutf is described az thing that
holds glrl's hand and doesn't squeeze 1t.
THIS definition is almost correct.-Ihe
Judge.
There is one thing about Munchausen,
says Philadelphia paper, TO his credit
The Baron never tried 20 be a weather
prophet.
There is difference between bull in q
china shop and new girl in the kitchen
The difference is one of sex, only, however
An Iowa editor who was asked by O
correspondent, "Do hogs pay?" has looked
over his subscription lis. snd declares thai
they do not.
We have just received sample copy o.
a new song, entitled, put your arm:
around me, dear" Any lady who desires
to try it can do so by calling at our Office
we mean the song, Of course
THIS atroclous piece OF journalism
must be charged to the Cleveland Herald
"When the button comes off the back OF /
mans shirt his choler begins to rise"
A literary society in the vicinity o
Wayerly is discussing the question; Re
solved, THAT hog cholera is create
nuisance than the present Legislature.
We imagine the legislature will take TIN
pastry.
Rabbit hunting by moonlight is now !
fashionable sport In some parts OF Illinois
Men in that State are satisfied with almos
any excuse for staying out o'nights.-Bos
ton Post
Ex-senator Tabors performances II
Washington suggest to the Boston Htrdlt
Swiit's cynical remark you can see wha
the Almighty thinks OF money by the met
He gives it to-"
"A wARNIN'.
Dc man what ponds on do rooater fer tie
crow
Adj wake lin up 'arly In de mawnin',
May sumtime lin dat de- rooster Is no mo-,
But WIZ stolen sev'al ours for dc dawnin'.
GEORGIA MAJOR.
Lost, strayed or stOlen-a cyclone
When last heard of was between the co,
ers of my almanac. Any man who viii
capture and return 1t VIII be literally re
warded by L. Stone Virgins, Ii. d., As
tronomer Royal of Canada, Ottawa"
An exchange south of us says; "W
don care anything about iamo-money
good enough for us-but If we didn
hear robin chirp yesterday mornin
about o'clock we are Canadian weathe
prophet"
| 1t Is already reported that the buds i
toe Delaware peach orchards are oil kille
for this year, and those Of next year ar
badly nlppcd by the recent cold weather
There is some consolation in the fact tina
there is Ne injury reported to the baskets
Jokes about the poverty of newspape
men have been laid aside. they are no
funny any more. because the people hav
found out they are not true. Look a
James Gordon Bennett, and Jay Gould
aud Robert Bonner, and--and the rest Q
us.
A blizzard story from the Northwest: !
man went for bucket of water, and spill
ed little while returning TO the house
He put one foot on the wet spot, and be
fore he could take another step nc wa
frozen to the ground. He had to leave III
boot behind aud hop to the house.
A FRAGMENT.
\ little boy and little sled,
. Those two.
The little sled was painted red
And blue,
The little boy wore Kncherbockers,
And he was sliding belly Rockers"
Poor lad
| This boy, he scaled the hill, he did,
Way up.
Then down the hill, this boy, he slid,
| kerslup,
! That painted sled, !. struck rock,
That boy IS just now out OF stock:
Too bad!
| They searched the ground for miles around
| Alasl
Before his busted bones they found,