Morning journal and courier., 1883-08-04
BARE.

The reporter wrote of the ball that it ''pre- sented 8 scene of rare beauty" but the wicked types but t'b' in place of the ssr. ,
 s'Never say, Mrs So-and Sos young one, " said Philadelphia lady to her young hopeful: ''rats have young ones, people have children "That may be all right about Mrs So- and-So,'' answered the boy "I don't know her, but Mrs. Smith has young ones, for heard her call one of them a 'liE- tie rat '"-Philadelphia News.
 "I understand, g said a Democratic politi- clan as he clinked glasses with constituent, sthat the supply of Groton is getting scarce :" stI believe SC, said his friend land it's all owing to those cenfonnded Republican who drink so much water. We must turn the rascals out and give the country free whisky 50 the people will not suffer in times of drought. "-New York Commercial Adver- tiser. g:
 As the consumer of tobacco can be neither frightened nor discouraged, it may be well to mention that some tobacco farmers, to kill the worms, sprinkle the growing weed with Paris green. The poison, being absorbed by the leaves, must, of course, be taken in event. ually by the consumer. However, peace to the ashes
 '-Paris green be the grave above him"
 Louisville Courier Journal.
 Before marriage: 'sExcuse me, George Did my parRsol hurt you?" ''Oh, no! my dear It would be pleasure, if it did. D After marriage: sGreat heaxspsl $, There was never woman under the sun that knew how to carry parasol without scratching fel- lows eyes out"' 'And there never was a man that knew enough to walk on the right side of woman with Q parasol." "There isn't any right side to woman with para sol. l."-Hartford Post.
 'I'm so alarmed, Lizzie," exclaimed a St. Louis girl, who was engaged to be married to 8 young army officer; The hasn't written me in three days" There is no occasion to get excited" was the reassuring reply; ''he is out of the reach of Indians, there is no epi demic prevailing where he is stationed, and when he last wrote you he was in perfect health" sOh, yes, I know all that, Lizzie, !" said the timid, agitated creature, "but then there's the army worm. ."-Brooklyn Eagle.
 He Didn't Want Any Supper r-During the campaign in Egypt a Mohammedan dervish was continually preaching to the army of Arabi Bey, and proclaiming the doctrine that the soldier who died fighting against the En. glish would sup that night in heaven. As soon, however, as the fight began, the der wish was the first to run. He was soon over taken by other fugitives. who upbraided him for running away, and reminded him of how severely he was neglecting such an excellent opportunity of supping in heaven Allah il Allah !" exclaimed the dervish, as he soar cd over high bunch of prickly pears ''Dod gast the luck, don't you know I'm for bidden by my sacred calling to eat supper on fast days, and this is the fastest day of the season. Get out of the way Faugh a-Bal- laugh Clear the track !' yelled the vener able dervish, as he went tearing into the woods.-Texas Siftings.
 Now upon a summer morning,
 When, without the slightest warming All your hopes of slumber scorning-
 Bridget comes knocking loudly at your door, door door;
 Then right out of bed you prance,
 Grab the wrong end of your pants,
 And your keys and money dance
 Ger the door floor, floor. -Chaf.