Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-02-28
PLEASANTRIES,
LITTLE drops o. water,
Little grains o. sam
Helpeth out the milk trade,
And the grocery man.

10" 10 get OUT OF scrape-Let your
beard grow.
LANGUAGE of the howers-You he
blowed. Life.
ONE way to give man 50 chance TO
rise In the world"-knock him down.
a MAN has grinding monopoly when
ne owns the only gristmill in the county.
An exchange asks, "W,ll the coming
woman work ?" She will if she marries
lazy husband.
WHY Is French ministry like shirt
Because 1T is changed every dav.-B0s-
ton Advertiser.
Love is much like a kitchen-stove
IN being keenly susceptible to the &C
ton of damper.
A YOUNG married man says that one
note is all that he comprehends of music.
He lives in A fiat.
AN exchange asks the question: 'tWhv
do single men grow baId-headed?" It
must be because they have no heir.
BRowN-" My dear fellow-two UNI
brellas What on earth is that for ?"
Jones" Why, in case I leave one any
where! |"
WE hear good deal about the rage
Tor speculation; but Fogg, who speaks
from experience, says the rage generally
comes after the speculation. Boston
transcript.
What is theater party asks a
correspondent. I" It is volunteer home
troupe, whose business is to keep the
audience amused while thepeople on the
stage are speaking"
HARRY, you ought not to throw away
nice bread like that; you may want It
some day, perhaps" ''Well. mother.
would l stand any better chance of get
ting it then if ate it now?"
AN agricultural journal recently pub
lshed o long article on "Sheep Hus-
bandry," but it didn't say anything
about the man who continually compli-
ments his wife, although he is most as
Buredly a she-praiser.
THERE is one great consolation that
comes to an unsuccessful business man
as he sees his possession swept away to
satisfy his creditors, and that is that he
is nor compelled to give up everything.
No law can force him to give up drink
ing.
WHEN Chicago artist sold a picture
to a saloonkeeper for $4,000, q friend
deplored that it should 90 to drinking
place. The artist replied: "More art
judges will see it there than would see
it on the wall of an art institution. -
Near York Herald.
WHAT Is this, my son?" asked a
fond parent. Your school report of
last month said, conduct, exemplary
while for this month it reads, conduct.
execrable What did you do % Just
what I did the mon tn before, only the
master noticed me.
They have discovered a new way of
preserving butter so that it will last,
they claim, 100 years. Why any one
should want to eat such old butter when
he can buy some five years old at any
grocery is a question not before the
house.-Detroit Free Press.
'YOUNG men" said tiresome and in
structive old muf to group of APP
prentices, young meu should begin at
the bottom of their business and work
up" 81 can't, responded one of them.
"Why not?" asked the old muff. ''Be-
cause am weIl-digger," answered the
apprentice.
AN Arkansas editor, who had been
elected county judge, felt that he could
not conscientiously endorse his own adj
ministration and In an able editorial
said: SIT is with sorrow that we an
nounce that the county Judge of this
county and the editor of this paper is a
id fool. !"
"LIQUoB tends to drag down, and
nothing IN it or about it tends to elevate
o man." That statement does not hold
water as far as Austin is concerned.
Our lookup is on the top of hill;
hence, instead Of being dragged down,
the inebriate is pushed up. Please make
correction as to Austin. Teens SIftin08.
Chow do you regulate this clock ?"
said the local matchmaker to a Scotch
bellman when called upon to repair the
clock in the church steeple. 81 just
shovel some gravel into it If it goes too
fast, " was the reply. ''And what do you
do If it goes slowly? ?" ''Pick some
gravel out, Of cooase, yefule. "-Derodt
Free Press.
1T Is said that the emperor of Russia
"chops wood for exercise" This gives
his wife more time to gossip over the
back fence with the next door neighbors;
but one would suppose that the emperor
got exercise enough lodging dynamite
bombs and other internal devices con-
trived by the nlhilists, without resorting
to wood-chopping. -Norr6stoa0n Herald.
Two little girls, one 5 years old, the
other 6, sleep in the same chamber. Ia
the morning the eldest one says: "Oh,
[ have had such nice dream!" Sc What
was It? I was in 9 large pastry cook
shop, and I ate as many rum cakes,
strawberry tarts and bon-bons as I
wanted" ''Was I with your" asked
the little one. emo" And the little
one began to sob.-PariS Wit.
"YAAs," exclaimed honest old Johann
Kartofelsalad, ''yung beebles haf got
into extravagunt noshuns. Ven I vos
yung l rote on blame foolishness gap ba-
per. Now my poys rites on schmall,
golt-edge little schraps, vot COST five
times SO mooch as pig fooishness gap,
und don't give you quarter so mooch
room for ritin' as dot good ol'-fashun
foolishness gap. Huntington Haa0keye.