News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-02-08
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
WHAT THE HUMOROUS PAPERS
HAVE TO SAY THIS WEEK.
4 Burglar Alarm-Our POpuIatiOn-Living
and Dying-The Time-Whcrc They
All Are. etc.. etc.
WHERE THEY ALL ARE.


"Why not accept this place yourself,
Judge?" inquired Senator from Routt
County
Oh, well-now," stammered the
Judge, blushing very deeply; "I-welI-
you Inow-ah-I-I am-yes-totally
mprepared for that sort of thing, you
know"
"Of course you are, said the Senator
from Routt County; " but you embody
all the qualifications demanded and Tn
going to announce You as a candidate p
"No, no, nor cried Judge HalIet,
catching the Routt County Senator by
the coat tails 'Don't do that, my dear
sir, don't do that But I'll tell you what
you can do. Come this way a moment,
The Judge dragged the Senator into
the darkest corner Of the lobby. There
was meaningful glitter in his eyes, his
bosom heaved with conflicting emotions
and his voice was strangely hoarse. He
stood up on his toes and whispered in
the Senator's ear:
"You can say [ am in the hands Of
my friends. "-Dcncer Tribune.
"wHAT TIME WAS TIP
Four clerks in a Summer street dry
goods store were lounging about after
lunch one day not long ago, when bust
ness was dull. They got to telling
stories.
"The other day." said one, ga New
York business man started from here in
a hurry to the Providence depot. He
wasn't sure of the way, and when he got
to the corner Of Washington street he
asked a boy. The boy directed him,
and got ten cents for his trouble. At
the corner of fremont and Boylston
streets he got stuck again, and asked
another boy which way to go. The boy
told him, and the New York man gave
him ten cents also. Arrived in the depot, !
all out of BREATH he asked a third boy !
what time the next train started for
Providence The boy told him. and the
man gave five cents. What time was it ?"
''Two and a half, said one Of the
three attentive clerks.
a quarter past" suggested the
second.
"Quarter to three" exclaimed the
third, tliumphantly.
''Keerect p said the fiend who per-
petrated the yarn.-BOston Globe.
LIVING AND DYING.
John Smith was exc a goodly man
As ever lived on earth,
The world admired aud loudly praised
His truly Pious worth;
His life was fun of charity
And free from sinful pride
But scarce had reached to thirty-four,
When one dim cveutidc
\ mule kicked at MIN pluyfuuy,
.ul Smith eooTr- u+-r- died.
John Brown. n Ilnave Of deepest hue,
Dwclt in the seIf-same town;
A grosser. meancr. viIer scamp
There never lived than Brown.
He cursed. he sworc, he smoked, he chewed,
He even keno played.
And down in Texas years aAO
They say a man he Stayed.
Yet he lived on contcntedI
And lots of money made,
Till finally, gray-haircd man,
John Brown to die was laid
His wife and children gathered round,
A preacher lingering nigh
And the only token of his Geath
Was quiet, gentle sigh,
We'd like to live as did John Smith,
Revered by all the town;
Bnt when it comes to dying, we'd
Prefer to die like Brown.
-DmUer Tribune.
WHY A WISCONSIN EDITOR SHED.
The proprietor of PccE'8 Sun, who
lately visited the metropolis for the first
time in twelve years, observes:
The greatest change in New York is
the Elevated Railroad. am mashed on
the IL" road, as is every person who
has toiled up and down town in street
cars and stages. The memory of those
old rides on crowded street cars, on cold
DAYS, when you were lucky if you got in
and still lucEier if you got out alive, and
with your pocket book still with you,
seems like dream. Now you can 60 up
a pair of stairs and get into comfort
able car that will seat about eighty pass
engers each, and a little steam engine
will whirl you up OF down town at the
rate of twenty miles an hour, over the
heads of the people in the streets. I
ssshied" little at first at the elevated
trains like a country horse that comes to
town and sees a steam fire engine, and L
felt ike taking the bit in my teeth and
kicking the dashboard, and running
over an apple stand, but soon got used
to it, as all the other horses do here, and
now YOU can drive me right under a
train and all do is to prick up my ears
and prance a little.
BURGLAR ALARM.