National Republican., 1883-01-20
1Iark
WASHINGTON, Jan. 10.

WASHINGTON, Jan. 10.
ALWAYS drink a pawnbroker's health in
hook.
A LADY who lives in fat says it's too suite
for anything.
No MATTER if the postage is reduced it is
just as much trouble to lick two.cent stamp as a
three cent ono
New York lawyers definition of n con-
tngent fee: r. don't win the suit get nothing.
If do win you get nothing.
They arrested man in Brooklyn the other
day for pretending to be a policeman" lie was
found guilty on the ground that he was asleep.
II was Mrs. Malaprop who said if tho Ma
lads were constantly bathing sue presumed that
the Dryads were the ones who brought the towels.
IT takes man of muscle to play tottcring
liking Lear" 1t was Edwin Forests finest char
acter in his last years, and now salviui has mado
hit in it,
A PITTsBURG girl robbed hair store, and
one of the local newspapers in describing her,
said she resembled u pistol because she went
of with bang"
A BRooKLYN girl has married the living
skeleton, weighing sixty.seven pounds, and now
they are one bone and one flesh. He is the bone.
-OH CITY Blszard.
a INsilON JONlIul bugb IluU INC luNOIlID
color of sndrcssed kids for street is dark tan.
An undrcssed kid caught in the street certainly
ought to be tanned.
QUEEN VICTORIA is q large real estate
owner in New York. An advance in rents by her
agents has changed the tenants in a large block
on Broadway, near Eighteenth street.
EVERY sensible man in Chicago who has
seen Langtry has gone home and said to his wife:
"Well, well, If she's good looking wonder what
they'd call you?" Some wives take 1t as Il COM
pliment.
IT WAS q cold day for that judge who
threatened to fine u party $40 for coughing in the
court when the disturbing element informed his
honor that he would be willing to pay twice that
sum to have it stopped.
OF THE ffty-four murderers who did busi-
ness in Chicago in 1885, only one was held subject
to proper punishment Hemust have been u fear
fully virtuous fellow not to have some friends
among the gamblers, burglars or police 10 get him
OIL.
MINOR headings in the Troy Press of Nom
day: Brutal Husbands" Fatally Shot," "Mis-
mated Pairs Seeking Relief from Irksome Bonds"
Clubbing in Saloon" "Row Among leo Har.
vescrs," Juvenile Thieyes" Pleasant town
that Troy.
JOHN G. WHITTIER is quoted as saying
that Hawthorne only once mentioned the House
of the Seven Gables" to him, "and then he said
the story was about half finished, and to use his
own words" continued Whittier, with peculiar
smile, 1T darkens damnably'"
HERBERT SPENCER, who has worked HIM
self nearly to death that he hasn't been able to
getone full nights sound sleep in three years, says
If we Americans don't work less and recreale
more, we will shatter our nervous systems spen-
Ger is like most doctors-hed rather prescribe q
thousand pills than take one.
MIKE LEAvITT, the theatrical manager,
says he has signed contract with Arab PaAha's
Wife, who issaid to be ilne singer and very beau
tiful. Gentlemen who arc anxious TO initiate
Gebhardt had better be careful however, as Arabi
himselfis bad man from Kokomo and carries
scimetar.-Rdnsds Cty Journal.
THE latest story of Boston is that two old
ladies of that city, devoted friends became spirit
ualists. One Of them dying the other finally es-
tablished communication with her, ana inquired
how she liked the spirit world. "Well." she re-
piled, "it is very beautiful, very interesting very
instructive, butt is not BostonP'
SEVERAL years ago the German empress in
stitued as n reward for long and faithful service
as a domestic a special distinction known as tho
golden cross" to be given only to women who
had served in one family for forty years and more
During the past six years this coveted honor has
been given to moro than s93 women.
A GENTLEMAN while bathing atlsea saw his
lawyer rise up ut his side after long dive. Alter
| exchanging salutations, said he: by the way
how about Gunter?" He is in JAIL" replied tho
! lawyer, and diyed again. Thegenteman thought
40 more Oft but on getting his account he found:
To consultation at sea about the incarceration
| of Gunter, s."
AN Ohio editor, who is down among the
orange groves of Florida, describing his visit to
one of them, says that appetite seemed to feed
| inpN lam .tibe gunn1iag a
lonce of the golden limbs squirting in shining
sprays from pressing lips pouting with pulpy fra
grance," If somebody should hit this editor on
| the head with club more pulpy fragrance would
doubtless follow,
MERCIEUL fire was that which destroyed
the Tweddle hall building, in Albany, at an early
hour in the morning. The entire interior was Il
roaring sea OF lame within few moments after
the fire was discovered. The hall was on the Sec
ond AooT with no means of egress save by tho
front s;airways, which were cut of by the fire.
| Had II been full says dispatch, not one OF tie
audience could have escaped.
THE young men who occupy chairs during
business hours, and who have not the time to walk
home are advised that they will find little exer.
else in standing In the cars and holding on to tho
| straps, II Is almost as good as walking around a
| billiard table, If not so pleasant. The men who
make selfish, ridiculous, and ungentlemanly
rushes for seats, as If sitting were the only ambi-
ton of their small lives, arc frequently those who
are tired because they stand for hours on saloon
corners.
IN REFERENCE to q remark made by Lille
| Devereaux Blake, and noted some time since, the
Toronto Mall observes: miss Lille Devereaux
Blake makes strong point against BartholdIs
celebrated statue of Liberty Enlightening the
World on the ground that it is absnrd TO repre-
sent Liberty as female, as females the slaves
of despouc men. Very good, Lille; but in select
ing male care must be taken that the typical
! figure is not that Oft married man." And that is
a sharp and fair retort.
MR., b. G. MITCHELL, who bought the main
exposition building at Philadelphia for $4,000,
made "good thing" out Of his purchase, The
cost of removing the huge structure and other eX-
penses amounted TO about 100000, and the mate
rias of which It was built have been sold for about
100000, leaving n profit of 100000 to be divided
among Mr.. Mitchell and the five other gentlemen
whom he associated with himself in the enter
prise. At the time of his purchase Mr.. Mitchell
| was frank enough to say that he fully expected TO
make a large sum Of money by il; that he WAS
prepared to pay considerably more for the build
! ing than the price at which it was knocked down
! TO him, and that no was astonished that Mr. Rich
ard Dobbins, who built 1t, and was as well ac-
| quaiuted with its value as himself. should have
| let such pretty plum slip through his fpgers