Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-10-19
FUN


A COLLEGE FETICH.-It was Septem-
Der, 1879. The train that bore Bode Haw-
kins to college caught him away from the
arms of his mother and the kisses of his
sisters. Very glum was Bode Hawkins.
and very reluctant he was to 90 to school.
Jaw, shaw !" he growled, 81 donkare
to 60, nuther, so what's the usep Dog
gone the collidge, it don't do no good, an
| won It know no more we'en come lack
than I do we'en 60 away. I'd druther
drive team'r learn trader somethin'.
ODD fetch the thing anyhow"
June, 1S83.-Ambrose Hawkins returns
to his ancestral hall on the farm. HIS fam
lily weep for joy. All rush to embrace him
as he steps from the train. Ambrose Haw-
kins gazes fercely at them through the
oriel window that includes one eye, and,
delicately extending two fingers for them
to grasp, he murmurs:
"AW; fathaw gently, my deah fellah,
gently; easy on the rings. We knaw; bless
VOW, me methaw-how, he, thanks; kiss
you when we get home, ye kpaw, how Go,
brothaw- brothaw-well, bless me soul,
but aw, I've forgotten the boys name.
Sistah, deah, will you kindly hand these
brawses fab me boxes to the luggage
mawstah +? Avis this-this the vebici 20
And all the way homo the old man dldn't
say word, but he just drove and thought.
and thought and drove, and nearly all that
night he sat up twisting hickories and lay
ing them to soak in the watering trough
down by the cow barn. And he told
neighbor next morning that Charles Fran
els Adams was right, and that The had
about four years of college farming to III
larn for Bode afore the boy 'uid holler al
yoke Of steers like he used to. but the
boy seemed to be coming round all right,
and he reckoned he'd do, by'l py."-Bur-
lington Haaokeyc.
There Is quaint old story told bout a
congregation. While the congregation
aud pastor were at dagger's points, the
latter received an appointment as chaplain
of penitentiary. When he came to
following verse for his text Il go to pre-
pare place for you, so that where | am
there ye may be also."
A New England lady was asking her
cook the other day about waitress she
proposed to hire and said MARY. is she
Irish ?" 'No, ma'am." said Mary, ''she's
American" ''What is her name, Mary?"
bridget O'Connor. ma'am." "Wby,
then, of course she is Irish. Mary mo,
ma'am, she was born in Lynn" "Oh
but that makes no difference, Mary, she is
not an American swell, in faith, per-
haps she amt ma'am. They tell me the
real ones is red.''
''What did you get out of that case p
asked the old lawyer. II got my client
out of it," replied the young one. ''And
what did he get out of it 2'' "Satisfac-
ton, I reckon. 1 did not leave anything
else for him to get.'' "Young man." said
the senior, proudly, ''you'l never be a
judge. There is not enough money on tn,
bench for ysu.''
''You said you were going to vote for
me-" Indignantly exclaimed defeated
candidate, addressing well-known Irish
man. "An' didn't vote for ye ?'' mo,
you didn't well, sor, in that evint,
there's only one conclusion that 1 kin
arrive at" ''And what is that 20 ''That
1 towld ye lie, sor.''
s'Yes." said Mr.. Barbour, ''I've had an
awful time of it over my marriage to Miss
Russ. All the papers in the country SEEM
ed to feel 1t incumbent on them to refer to
it as barbarous affair. Pm not sure that
journalism isn't curse 60 country"
It is related as singular fact that fat
men never commit crime. Itdoesn It seem
so singular when you reflect thatit is diff
cult for fat man to stoop to anything |
low.
II hate to have tax bill pokej in my |
face,' said the young woman when the |
assessor attempted to snatch kiss. }