Milford chronicle., 1883-12-21
WIT AND WISDOM.

STEEPLEs come high, but thechurches
must have them.
PoLTTToAL pressure always smells of a
poor brand of whisky and bad grade
of plug tobacco.
IT was Cato who said, che had rather
people should inquire why he had not a
statue erected to his memory, than why
he had"
''TRA1N up a child in the new way he
should go, and when he gets old enough
he will go-after the girls.-NorristosOn
Herald.
THE best pen wiper is piece of an
old kid glove. No lint sticks to the pen,
as is very apt to be the case when the
coat-tail is used.
A YOUNG lady of Anderson, S. c., de-
clined an offer of marriage on the
ground that her father already had too
large a family to support.
In New York they are gathering shells
by the river. The trouble is. the shells
have another mans oysters in them.
Hence the oyster war.
The Pullman Gar Company have 49,
600 blankets. If you don't believe this
give the porter fifty cents on cold
night and he will show you one.
WHEN your friend is married, put
your good wishes into the shape of an
old English saying; "One year of Joy
another of comfort, and all the rest of
content"
A TORONTO man waited until he was
eighty-three years old before he got
married. That's like running three
miles to get a good start for fourteen
inch jump.
''PAPA," said Harlem boy, edo goats
give milk ?" eyes, Tommy" "And
goat is butter, isn't it?" eyes, my
son" "WeI, then, isn't goats milk
buttermilk ?"
Or course the bonanza kings want to
shake the wives of their youths and
marry others. You see it takes one kind
of wife to help make fortune; an
other to help spend it.
GOLDMAN AFRAID OF-NoTHNG" is the
name of a recently civilized Indian in
Montana but as he has since married a
white woman, he thinks of sending in a
petition to have his name changed
INQUIRER; "What is the origin of the
expression 'dOg-trot?" ANS. 1t was
originally applied, we believe, to the gait
adopted by lovers when returning home
from houses where a canine was kept.
A YOUNG man out in Waupun, Wis,
organized an accordion corps. At last
accounts he was still half a mile ahead
of the inhabitants, but things looked
quite encouraging, as he was very much
out of breath.
GA BRAVE man carves out his own for
tune, says some philosopher. He does
and no mistake. But let the same brave
man attempt to carve turkey, and he'll
get left, unless he has learned the trade
through a seven years apprenticeship.
A YOUNG lady was relating how an
angry COW chased her and how narrowly
she escaped with her life. "And weren't
you terribly frightened? ?" was the gen.
eral exclamation. "NO; simply little
cowed, that's alL"-PhiJadelphiG call.
WE met a young married man and
asked him how he was pleased with his
change in life. He took a long breath
and turned his eyes up as if trying to
think of some expressive word, and then
said: ooh, sir, wouldn't take a mil
lion dollars for myself. "
"IF at any time you desire the wind
to change suddenly" says the Whitehall
Times, ''take pan of ashes, go into the
back yard, and facing the direction that
you desire the wind to blow from, quickly
empty your pan. All who have ever
tried this rule have never found it to
fail"
''YEs," said the farmer, 'that COW is
badly hurt and wouldn't bring s.. But
1 shall get more for her. A party of
swell city fellows are coming down here
to hunt, and shall put her up in the
scrub pine lot and tell them deer abound
up there. Oh, she's as good as sold for
$780,"
"CAN you tell me what sort of weather
we may expect next month ?" wrote a
farmer to the editor of his country paper,
and the editor replied as follows: cit is
my belief that the weather next month
will be very like your subscription bill"
The farmer wondered for an hour what