Connecticut western news., 1883-09-26

Taken separately, camels and Afghans can be dealt with; together, they forma disastrous social problem we are as yet incompetent to solve. In regard to dis- position, camels, with few exceptions, are abominable. They are vindictive and cunning. When their wrath is excited from any cause, not only do they en- deavor to trample upon you, but add in- suit to injury by splitting deliberately in your face. Now in this matter of ex- pectoration they are second to none. Even Missourian with quid of James River xxx in his capacious mouth would have to be content with 8 back seat. A camel never misses his aim. One has been known to hit 8 man in the eye with three or four gallons of this noxious fluid at distance of forty feet. An Afghan told me that in his country he had seen a camel standing on one side of the Khyber Pass hit an innocent man who, like Norval's father, was quietly tending his focks on the other. It is no doubt connected with the fact that camels were until lately exceedingly abundant and ferocious in the Khyber Pass that the British soldiers have met with so many disasters there.
 Of course, when man is treated in this manner by camel, he naturally be- comes imbued with strong desire to shed that tylopod's gore. This is not so easy to accomplish as it would at first sight appear. Only novice would ever attempt to beat 8 camel with 8 whip. A club is not sufficient. An ax or crowbar, when judiciously used, is sometimes effective. The only vulnera- ble part of tylopod is his nose. How this happened to be an exception was a mystery to me for long lime. One day an Afghan told me it was owing to merciful interpretation of Allah in favor of Mohammed, who, as every one knows, was 8 camel-driver before he went into business as a prophet.
 Mohammed one day found it neces- sary to chastise camel he was riding. (This is certainly probable.) He began, but after wasting much energy and all the clubs he could find within mile or two, prostrated himself on the ground and implored the aid of Allah. Allah answered his prayer, having prob ably an eye to Mohammed's future ca reer, and caused the camel's nose to be- come tender. Mohammed then, guided by inspiration, conceived the brilliant idea of tying that tylopod's head to a tree, and humping his nose with as big a stick as he could conveniently wield. The result was admirable. The camel arose and went along like lamb. Mo. hammed, seeing with a prophetic eye that an immense benefit had been con- ferred upon his race, left full instruc- tions how to manage a camel in the Three-hundred-and-s Book of the Koran, where it may be read to this day. He mentioned also in that work the innovation to be used when 1t was necessary to perform the operation. The Afghan told it to me. It was short but sweet. Thus: Suhawallah molly l! l! wackah III rowah III! guzz III! whe-e-e- e-sh-tah !!!!!! A camel never fails to arise and go about his business if this is said to him with due emphasis, after the application of club to his nose for an hour.
 Regarded as thing of beauty, a camel is not joy forever. Far from 1t. He IS absurd, idiotic. Why nature should have inflicted such ludicrous form on any animal is incomprehensible. Even an Afghan can give no plausible reason. Wherever a camel is seen for the first time, the rest of creation fees as if from the wrath to come. Ihave been assured by presumably veracious persons that horses seeing a camel, or team o1 them, for the first time, have run away and kept on running for days. I have seen them run away, but do not know how many days they went, because l did not follow them.
 Probably camels have been the means of saving the lives of some persons. Ii would be interesting to know how many they have hurried in premature grave
 have been nearly placed in the latter category. They have so many ingenious methods of putting you out of the way Lying down upon you when you are asleep is generally effective. Pulling one out of the saddle and sitting on hin has been known to produce happy re suits for the camel. Another method
 which they practice when man is hob
 bling tEem, is generally successful; they raise one of their fore-feet, ostensibly tt
 knock off fly or two, but really to land person about fifteen feet away, ant then kneel on him. As camel doe,
 everything by contraries, he can not kicl
 in the normal way, .. c., with his hind 1 legs; at least he does not. He hit
 straight out from the shoulder. If an,
 one is standing then anywhere in th'
 vicinity, he goes off into space with
 strong impression near the l,Sa,a60
 plecus that he has been hurled from
 catapult.
 Camels at 8 good distance, say ten o
 twelve thousand miles, are noble an'
 imposing beasts. Nearer than that thei
 interest to me dimishes directly as tn
 square of the distance. Long may the.
 flourish in Afghanistan I never wan
 to see them-except through the re
 versed telescope. Bismillah Peac
 be with them !-Horpeg''s Basor.