The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-05-04
HUMOR-

woxAN's sphere-that she will never
get married.
A cRoss-EYE is really aristocratic and
owes its position to caste.
HINT to O lazy man-Endow free
bed in o hospital and occupy it your
self.
WAY is a fishmonger the most prudent
of merchants Because he always sells
c. o. d.
MEXICO must be slippery place
on account OF the number Of "greasers'
there.
No MATTER if the postage is reduced,
il is lust az much trouble to lick 2-cent
stamp as q 3-cent one.
A POET saws: "Can not q man be wise
without beard? ?" The old Hairy; he
beard-arn fool if he couldn't.
A DEBATING society will tackle tina
question: (which is the most fun-to
see q man try to thread a needle or a
woman try to drive nail?"
A New YORK man committed suicide
in sheer disgust, A Pennsylvania back
woodsman asked him if New York had
got big enough for street cars yet.
IT has been discovered by local phi
losopher that taken from life" and
kicked by mule" are Synonymous ex-
pressions; they mean the same thing.
YOUNG ladies who are pining to paint
flower pieces are reminded that the
flower piece that is tho most attractive
to the marrying man is batch Of good
bread.
"THE best thing i ever read!' ex-
claimed book reviewer, as he perused
his uncle's will and found that the SEN
sible lamented had left him snug be-
quest.
1T has been remarked that every
miner knows his lode, but the history
of the rise and fall of the toy pistol has
proven that every minor doesn't know
his load.
TELEGRAPH wires are so numerous on
some of the streets in Chicago that peo-
pie living on fourth-hoor fiat can sifs
their ashes by merely throwing them
against the net work.
A PHILADELPHIA man who has tried
it tells us that the only reason why a
sufferers head don't come off when
having tooth pulled is because the
tooth gives way first.
FoGG had tooth which troubled
him exceedingly, but he wouldn't have
it out, not because he was afraid to, as
some of his detractors affirmed, but be-
cause he wished to retain it as a keeps
ache.
WHY" asked governess of her lib
tie charge, "do we pray to God to give
us our daily bread. Why don't we ask
for four or five days a week?" "Be-
cause we want it fresh" replied the in
genious child.
HUSBAND @ a. M, after curtain
lecture)-"Well, all I've got to say ia
you are a person of such refinement
and good breeding, you ought 30 be
above talking to drunken fellow at
this time of thSnight.
AN Elmira man has contracted to
supply an Eastern firm with 100000
broom handles. And yet it is necessary
to introduce the whipping post in several
States for the punishment of wifebeat-
ers !-NorristoloR Herald.
"YEs," said she, with tears IN her
eyes, "in his qualities of head and heart
dear George is always the same" Then,
after moments lapse into dreamland,
she added; "He is so soft-hearted, dear
fellow. San Francisco NelcS-Letter.
AN English Bishop ENORMOUSLY re-
marked TO his servant that he was dy-
ing. well, my Lord" said the good
fellow, I'VE are going to better place
John" replied the prelate, with an air
of conviction, there is no place like old
England
A LECTURER, discoursing on the sub
ject of Health" inquired: what use
can man make of his time while wait
ing for doctor?" Before he could be-
gin his answer to his own inquiry, some
one in the audience cried out: He can
make his will"
A New HAMPSHIRE wildcat sprang
from a tree at boy and landed in a
kettle of boiling sap. The disgust
which the animal felt over its faux pas
land the rest of its body for that mat
teri entirely took away its appetite
Boston Post.
WITHOUT joking, will YOU tell us
what kind of thing dude is ?" asks
lady correspondent. Certainly. A
dude is no thing. 1t is merely an
apology for a human being, and is too
weak to be bad and too tame to be wild.
-Ne,U York Advertiser.
AN exchange announces in n tone OF
surprise: "The Gar and Czarina have
been dancing at ball" There doesn't
seem to be anything out of the way in
such conduct. That is what balls are
for. Now, if they danced at prayer
meeting, comment would have been in
order.
A WESTERN colporteur was once con-
versing with an Illinois man on his re-
ligious duties. Said he: do you at
tend church regularly?" 90, no;
never go to church. but alters make it
q pint to attend all the funerals. They
be jest as solemn, and thar isn't no kerr
lections."
An Accurate Time.Piece.
While on the subject of
I Il.