New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-09-26
WIT AND HUMOR.
Palck's name for it is the "betra

P2lcE's name tor it is the 'betrayed
dollar.''
No, dear children, the Drum Major is
not the whole procession, but'he thinks
he is.-Puck.
Why is good square meal - hun.
cry man like a bucket? It goes down
we'll.
There's difference between the affa.
bility Of a young girl and the taffybility
Of the experienced tlirt.
What's in name? Well, if it's a
Russian name we should answer, the
alphabet.
A Michigan woman describes her ab.
sc0nding husband as of a ''fried-pork
complexion
England has been detected sending
its poor to this country, notwithstand-
ing America is place where even the
servant girls want to wear silk dresses.
A Mandan man, whose wife knocked
him out Of bed and bunged his eyes,
tells his friends that he is suffering from
imtlammatory room-mate-ism.
Awoman can sometimes do something
without damaging others, but when a
lady undertakes to help herself some
man has to suffer for it.
Milton says: Beauty stands only
in the admiration of weak minds,' but
then everyone knows that the poor poet
was blind.
Lissette: s'Well, Gertie, how pleases
you the trumpeter?" Gertie: "Oh,
good! but his kisses taste a little after
brass"
Never expect to make a living SELL
ing bootjacks in barefooted town.
Might as we'll keep bookstore where
people do not read.-Nee0 Orleans PIC
0yat'1e.
A Precise Father. He did not object
to his daughter joining a musical socie-
ty, but gently insisted that abbrevia-
tons were -':Philip Harmonic
sounds more genteel, my DEAR
It is an historical fact that Solomon
had seven hundred wives. So the bib
lical statement that he was the ''wisest
man. must have been typographical
error on the part of the printer.
The man who missed the train on
account of being detained at home by
some needed repairs on his pantaloons,
mournfully suggests that it is all folly
to say, ut is never too late to mend. -
Lawyers are about the only class of
men who successfully oppose a ''wo-
mans will,'' says somebody. twill be
observed, however, that the lawyers al
ways wait until the woman is dead.
A German friend of the editor of the
Newport (Ky.) Journal advised him
when he got married: '.Lif in Won
room ondil you so many children got
you must two rooms hiatt vas peter
to CRAWL oop as schump oop and fall
down."
There are few things so irritating in
this life as to wait half an hour for
your adversary at checkers, and then
have him look up, as if just aroused from
a nap, and stupidity inquire, "Whose
move is it?''
"This soup, waiter, is cold Can't
you bring me some warm soup?' ''Why,
sab, you mus be mistakin', sab. Dat
soup was so hot that it took all the skin
off my thumb, sab, when 1 fotched it in,
sah.'' The stranger concludes that he
will forego the soup and take walk.
A New York boy drank a pint of
whisky, went swimming, ate lot of
green apples, drank large quantity of
ice water, and went to bed. Next morn
ing he was found dead. About the
worst thing boy can do in hot wealth.
er is to fill himself up with ice water.
This is the season of the year when g
pretty woman, instead of remaining at
home and making herself prettier by
the aid of a white dress and airy sum-
mer drapery, prefers to go to the sea-
shore, where she makes herself ugly by
appearing in bathing costume. -LoaoeH
Citizen.
A boy in Wilmington, n. c., was Bit
the fang of the serpent entering the end
Of one of his fingers, when he seized a
Ratchet which happened to be near at
hand, and cut off his finger before the
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