The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-10-26
lncorrigible Losers Of KEYS.

sit is likely enough. as you say" re-
marked an uptown locksmith, that
| my place doesn't appear particularly
amusing. But if you had been in this
business as long as / bave-nigh on
forty years-you'd have come across
some interesting little circumstances.
don't believe that there are any QUEER
Or men on earth than the regular chron-
ic key cranks.
"NOw. here is couple of dozen keys.
all OF exactly the same pattern, that
am making for one man. He doesn't
know that I'm making them; but /
know that he's sure to call for one of
these keys pretty regularly once a week
until they re all gone. He's a genuine
loser and the most curious thing
about the matter is that he has not the
remotest idea of how or where he ever
lost key. A few weeks ago he had q
small closet made to hold q duplicate.
Well, as no men are so ready to lock
things up as key losers, the first thing
he did was to have a lock put on his
closet. Then, of course, he used to lose
that key, too. and every few days he
would have to break open his little cup
board with hammer. Finding after
awhile that he was losing two keys in-
stead of one, he had to return to the old
plan.
THAT tall man, who Just went out,
is little queer. by the way, though
he's not heavy key loser; he won't
average more than two a month. Last
winter he had box constructed and
nailed to his basement door. 1t was
to receive newspapers in. He said
he always got his papers all right,
but some one in the house was
sure to look over them before he did.
Now l don't think I'm selfish man.
he used to say, but if there is anything
[ do enjoy it is to sit down before my
coffee and just unfold my fresh morn
ing paper myself Perhaps he is right:
I've sometimes felt that way myself; it
may be one of the regular laws of hui
man nature. Howsomever, this man
just told me that he thinks he has dis
covered how he loses his keys. He went
to restaurant the other day and called
for the newspaper. As he was going
out the waiter brought him his kew,
and then he recollected that he had
taken it from his pocket and laid it on
the table when he asked for the news
psper. Of course he had no reason to
do it. but the key and the newspaper
had become so associated in his mind
that he took out the key without think
ing about it. Yet, as a rule, KEY loser
never finds out the truth about it. Will
this msn be all right after this? l hard
ly think so. The chances are that he
will leave the key in the very next place
he enters-where they keep newspapers.
81 have one customer who expects
me to have duplicates of his keys al
ways on hand, not at the shop,
but at my house, for he always
loses them late at night, latch-key
and all. Four or five nights in the year
hear tremendous ring at the door
bell. l boiler All right out of the
window, and then grab the duplicate
bunch and slip down stairs with it.
Lor, bless you! l always know who it
is. l believe he is lawyer. and I'm
told that he emphasizes his points in
after-dinner speeches by pOking his big
gest key in the palm of his hand.
Where he puts them afterward he never
knows, and he isn't the kind of man to
give himself away by inquiling.
"Oh, no. wouldn't care for thieves
trade-it isn't worth cent. But give
me the servants trade and all the night.
key business, and l would do well.
New York is the greatest place on earth
in which to sell night-keys. Did you
know that night-keys ae generally lost
near mems own houses? The reason is
that many men, when they have been q
little indiscreet at the club, commence
to make elaborate preparations for
entering their houses while they are
still half block or more away. They
will get the key ready first, and while
they are pulling their clothes straight
or fixing their hat, will lose it.
"a customer of this kind that I had
for six years told me once how he got
lesson. 1t seems that he always had to
work on particular plan-couldn't
help it. He would first take out his
key, and then sit on his doorstep to pull
off his boots. During the latter opera
ton he would lay down his key and
lose it, and be obliged to ring. Some.
times he would lose both the key and
the boots; but he never dared to men.
ton the fact at the breakfast-table. He |
asked me once-it was the day after
Christmas-to guess what present his
wife had given him. Well, sir, it con.
sisted of eleven night-keys and three
girl and the milkman the crop had been
gathered in and given to the old lady
in a single year.
There's one fact l never could &C.
count for, and that is how men with
good memories otherwise will fail in
the matter of keys. A man sent for
ME from down town on three occasions
to pick lock for him when he had the
Key about him each time. He was one
IF the regular losers, and had tried all
sorts of ways to get over the habit.
At last he tied the key around his neck.
When he sent for me he was trying
,ne pocket after another in a perfect
Jury. Just as l got the picker to
work he yelled: Great jerusalem!
Here it is around my neckr He did
he same thing twice.
"How do people in general lose
Keys? Well, with them it is mere
,arelessness and forgetfulness, and
hey generally find them again. 1t re-
Iuires genuine key crank to lose a
,ey instantancously, completely and
orever. Some folks, mostly women,
ose keys from a habit they have OF
,laying with them. You will notice
hey often dangle or twirl them around
heir forefinger, and if they only re-
nember-which they generally do-to
wirl them over boat rail or bridge
all or a grating of some kind. they
My do what I would generally be
to expect of 'them.-N T.
'un.