, 1883-09-22

/ two wives break you up? Wouldn't
. three make you seeeNsrs? IIOwwOuld
ten strike you? Why, man alive
you do not grasp the magnitude Of
the statement that Solomon had d
thousand wives. \ thousand wives
standing side and side, would reach
about four blocks. Marching by four,
it would take them ten minutes tC
pass a given point. The largest sum.
mcr resort hotel only holds about five
hundred people, 50 he would have
had to hire two hotels if he took his
wives out for day in the country.
If you would stop and think once in
Il while you would know more"
The groceryman's eyes began to
stick out as the bad boy continued,
Os.H-the statistics had never been
brought to his attention before, but
he was bound to stand by his old
friend solomon, and he said: "Well,
SOlOmOn's wives must have been
different from our wives of the pres
ent day."
Not much," said the boy, as he
saw he was paralyzing the grocery
man. "Womcn have been about the
sand cvcrsincc Eve. She gotmashcd
on the old original dude, and it stands
10 reason that SolOmou's wives were
no better than the mother Of the
human race. Statistics show that one
woman out Of every ten is rcd-haircd.
That would give solomon an even
hundred Of red-haircd wives. Just
that number Of rCd-haircd wives
would make an ordinary man think
there is a land that is faircrthan this.
Then there would lie Of the other
nine hundred, about three hundred
blondes, and the other six hundred
woulN hg)bruncttcs, with maybe
some alhinoS, bearded women, fat
women and dwarfs. Now, those
thousand women had appctitcs, love
Of dress and style, the same as all
women. Imagine old solomon say
ing to them: "GirlS, lets 20 down
town and have Il dish Of ice-yTCam." "
Can you, with your brain muddlcd
with cod fish and new potatoes, real
izp the scene that would follow? Sup
pose, after the broom brigade got
seated in the icc-crcamcry, one of
the rcd-haircd wives had caught :, l.
omon winking at Il strange girl at
another tallc. You may think Sol
OmOn did not know enough tO-wink,
or that he was not that kind of ilirt,
hut he must have been, or he couldn't
have succeeded in marrying a thous-
and wives in such sparscly settled
country. No, sir, it looks to me as
il solomon, in all his glory, was an
old mashcr, and from what ! have
seen Of men being bossed around
with one wife, | don't envy solomon
his thousand. Why, imagine that
gang Of wives going and ordering
>hlll bOnnct-. lie would have to be Il
king or Vanderbilt to stand it. Ma
wears fivc-dollar silk stockings, and
pa kicks awfully when the bill comes
in. Imagine solomon putting up for
afcw thousand pairs Of silk stockings.
Pm glad you will sit down and talk
with me in rational way about some
Bible stories that take my breath
away. The minister stands me off
when try to talk with him about
such things, and tells me to study
the parable of the PrOdigal Son, and
the dCacOns tell me to 90 and soak
my head. There is darn little en-
couragcmcnt for a boy to try and
figure out things. How would you
like to have Il thousand Tcd-hairod d
wives come in this minute and tell
you they wanted carriages sent
around to the house at three O'Clock,
80 they could 20 out for Il drive? or
how would you like to have Il hired
girl rush in and tell you to send up
six hundred doctors, because six
hundred of your wives had been
taken with the cholera morbus? or"
"Oh! dOn't mention it," said the
groccryman. with Il shudder. 81
wouldn't take SolOmon's place, and
be the legal protector of Il thousand
wiycs if anybody would give me the
earth. Think Of getting up on cold
winter morning to build thousand
fires. Think Of two thousand hands
in II fellows hair! Boy you have
shown me that solomon needed Il
guardian. He hadn't sense"
"Hes," says the boy, "and think of
two thousand feet, each rs cold as a
block Of chocolate ico-cream. A man
would want a back as big as the fence
to a Playground. But ! don't want
to harrow up your feelings. l must
go and put some arnice ON pl. lie
has got home, and says he has been
tOa summer resort on a vacation,
and he is all covered with blOtchcs.
lie says it is mosquito bites, but ma
thinks he has been filled full of bird
shot by some watermelon farmer.
Ma hasn't got any sympathy for pa,
because he didn't take her along, but
if she had been there, she would have
been filed with bird shot, too. But
yOu mustn't dctain me. Between pa
and the baby, l have got all / can
attend to. The baby is teething, and
ma makes me put my fingers in its
mouth to help it cut teeth. That's Il
humiliating position for oy as big
as am. Say, how many babies do
you figure Solomon had to buy rubber
toothing rings for, in all his glory?"
And the boy went out, leaving the
gruceryman rejecting on what a
large family Solomon must had, and
how he needed to be the wisest man
to get along without u circus after