The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1882-1884, 1883-09-06
A THOUSAND WIVES.
THE BAD BOYS IDEAS REGARDING THE
WISDOM OF SOLOMON.
race

SIT down on the ice box said the
boy to the grocery man. What yor
need is rest. You are overworked
Your alleged brain is equal to wilted
lettuce, and it can devise means and
ways to hide rotten peaches under
good ones. SO as to sell them to blind
orphans. bat when it comes to grasp
ing great questions your small brain
cannot c0mpr>,ilen them. Your
brain MAJ 20 n ): il vays to a great
qu, stlnn. ani ruo Il ,Aias: it, but it
canno1 SURROUND it and grasp it,
That where you are defOrmed. Now
mt Is different with me. | can raise
brain to sell to Won grocery men. Lis.
ten. This Solomon is credited with
being the wiseS' man, and yet histo-
ry says I,e had !, thousand wives.
Just think Of it. You have got one
wife and pa has got one, and all the
nei ,hbors have one, il thay have had
an kind Of luck. Does not one wife
Nuke you pay attenti,n? Wouldn't
tx wives break you up? Wouldn't
t.:te cause You to see stars? How
would ten strike you? Why, man
alive. Eon do no. grasp tn, magnitude
OF the statement that Solomon had a
thou sand wives. A thousand wives
stanfii 81 H. by side. would reach
about four hl,:'l-. Marching by
tours it woul take t.Iem twenty min.
utes to pas, a given point. i he
largest summer resort hotel only
holds about five hun tred people, so
Sol would have had to hire two hotels
if he took his wives out for day in
the country. If You woll stop and
think once in while yoa would know
more
The grocery mans eyes begun to
stick out as the ba | boy continued,
as though tht St:t5isti :S had never
been brought to his attention before.
but he was bound 10 stand by his
old friend Solomon, and he said {:
l'Well, Soio.non 5 wives must have
been iitfeIe.,t from our wives Of the
present day
Not much said the boz, as he sees
he was paralyzing the grocery-man.
w omen have been about the same
lever sim, ETa. Sac got mashed on
the oii original dude, and it stands
to reason has Splomol's wives were
no better than the mother Of the hu-
man race. Statistic, snow that one
| woman out OF every ten is red-headed.
| That would give Solomon an even
hunire,i rel healed wives. just that
| hundred reu-headed wives would be
enough to make an ordinary man
think that there was land that is
fairer than this. Then there wo1ld
be, out of the other nine hundred,
about three hundred blondes. aud the
other six hundred would be brunettes
and maybe he had a few albinOs and
bearded women, and fat women and
dwarfs. Now. those Thousand women
had appetites. desires for dress and
style, the same a, other women. In
All he Solomon saving to them, Girls,
let's all 90 tiown to the ice cream sa-
loon and have dish Of ice cream
Can you, with your brain muddled
with Goldfish and new potatoes, real
ize the scene that would follow? Sup
pose, after Solomon's broom brigade
had got seated in the ice creamery,
one Of The red.beaded wives should
catch Solomon winking at a strange
girl at another table. You may
think Solomon did not know enough
to wink. or that he was not that kind
Of firt. but he must nave been or
he could never have succeeded in
marrying 4 thousand wives, in a
sparsely settled country. No, sir, it
looks as though Solomon in all his
glory, was an old 1nasher, and from
what l have seen of men being boss
ed around with one wife, don't envy
Solomon his thousand. Why, just
imagine that gang of wives going and
ordering fall bonnets. Solomon
would have to be king. or Wander