The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1883-07-04
5awaiiail 6azette,
WEDNESDAY, JULY 4. 1883.


WEDNESDAY, JULY 4, 1858.
Trials of Cornctist.
A mandatory Of brass band instruments
was burned few days ago at Elkhart, Ind.
Whether this is dispensation OF divine prov
| idence or only an act Of the pOpulace is not
| known. If one could figure up Tie annoyance
caused to innocent people by every brass horn
manufactured, while the operator Of the horn
| is learning to play, there would be no wonder
| that the factory burned. A brass band CON-
posed of good players is a thing to enjoy, but
the playing of a single horn by new begin
ner is about the most mournful and nerve-shat-
tering experience that the world can produce,
if we except base ball nine composed of cats
practicing in the night 1t beats all how few
persons who begin to play hern hold out
faithful to the end and become members of a
| band There is a time in the life Of every
! young man when he has an ambition TO belong
TO a brass band, and he never rests conteuted
until he has borrowed or owned brass horn.
A boy goes TO country fair and sees band,
hired from a neighbOring town, and each mem
Der Of the band is a hero in the eyes Of the boy.
He sees the blue coats with gold lace, the ep-
auleis, the cap with its musical front piece,
and the yellow stripe down the trowsers, and
he is mashed on the band, and he resolves to
learn TO play a horn He secs the fellow that
blows the trombone flirting with the girl he
took to the fair, and she seems to enjoy the
distinction, the iron enters mis- soul, and he
resolves TO become a blower, too, and take re-
venge on his girl by MASKING other girls. he
sees the crowd collect around the band stand
as the band plays tune, and notices the snare
drummer cock his hat over on one side Of his
head and look at all the girls, and the young
man is almost inclined to learn TO play the
drum instead Of the horn, as he argues that
playing the drum gives one a better oppor-
tunity to look around, but when be reflects that
it only takes muscle TO play the drum, and that
It requires brain and wind TO play horn, he
decides on the horn.
When the band is marched of to the dining
hall, at the fair, and given place at the head
of the table, near the orator of the day, who
has his Grafton in his pocket and is afraid he
will lose it, and sees the crowd collect around
the band, his mind is made up more firmly
tlhn ever TO learn TO play horn. He goes
home and dreams of the band, and the next
day he goes to work and sells a calf, or takes
some Of the money be earned harvesting and
buys brass horn and a Look Of notes that he
does not know the name Of. lie has been to
singing school, and can read singing notes, but
horn notes are too rich for his blood. He does
not tell his family what he has done but SNUG
giles his horn into the barn, and when he has
got the milking done and fed the stock, he
goes out to the barn and gets into the hay now
and feels the keys. lie finally musters up
courage TO blow gently iHlO the horn, and lie
hears noise that is a cross betUeen the squeal
Of pig caught under a gate and the below of
a COW that smells blood and paws the turf and
l. 81. IL
until be has got 50 he can make a straight noise
that does not split up the back and go out of
the instrument both ways. and the folks in the
house begin to hear It. Then be concludes
that be will see how much the instrument will
stand and he draws in his breath and blows
for all that is out, and as the discoTdant "bla-
at" goes out upon the sitting air Of the hay
NOW, and he feels sensation at the butt Of
the ears that makes him think a mule had
kicked him, he hears the horses down stairs
kicking in the stalls, and the cows are low
ing as though thay had heard bad news, and
the faithful dog that he left out doors begins
to howl as though there was going to be a
death in the family Then the beginner begins
to realize that he is making sensation, and
he looks out Of a crack in the barn towards
the house. and sees his mother standing on the
porch with her apron over her head looking at
the barn as though it was on fire, the hired
man who is pumping water stops with the
pump handle in the air, and he sees his father,
in his shirt sleeves, pick up an AK handle and
start for the barn, splitting on his hands and
looking savage. He sees a ncighbor, who was
driving by, stop his team in front Of the LOnso
and ask if there is anybody sick, and he real
ICES that il is impossible 10 keep his secret
longer, and he comes down out of the hay NOW
with his brass horn under his arm as sheep
ish as though he had been caught kissing the
hired girl, and confesses to his outraged family
that be is learning TO play horn so he can
Join the band. His father tells him he is a
blasted fool, but his mother and sister take
his part, and argue that it will be a great honor
TO have him wear brigadier general clothes in
the band, and the matter is compromised by
allowing him to practice on his horn out in the
south lot, and for a week or two, at intervals,
mouTnful sounds are heard from that direction,
and they suddenly cease, and when his father
finally asks the boy how he is progressing as
hornist, he tells his parent that he has traded
off his horn for fiddle or an ACCORDION, and
explains by showing his upper lip, which is
swelled up 10 twice its natural size, that he is
not cut out for playing wind instrument
That horn will be traded all over the neighbor-
hood, and will finally be found in a garnet,
jammed out of shape, and the brass band fever
will have passed away. Among the greatest
failures of the world there are none that are
sadder than the failure of a boy to learn to play
a brass hOrn.-PecI'S Sun.