The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-06-06
oRooKETT's COON TRICK.
How Davy Work d 1t for an Election to
Congress in the Early Days of
Tennessee.

l NJ
Iressed in my hunting shirt, and nv
rifle on my shoulder. Many of nv con-
sttuents had assembled there to get a
taste OF the quality of the candidates at
Grating. Job Smelling, gander-shank
led Yankee, who had been caught some
where about Plymouth bay, and been
shiipped to the west with cargo of cod
ilsh and rum, erected a large shanty
ana set up shop for the occasion. A
large posse OF the voters assembled be-
fore arrived, and my opponent had al
ready made considerable Roadway with
| his speeehifying and his treating, when
they spied me about a rife shot from
the camp, sauntering along as if was
not party in the business. There
comes Crockett cried one. Let us
hear the colonel, cried another, and so
mounted the stump that had been used
Tor the occasion, and began to BUSH
whack in the most approved STYLE.
Il had not been up long before there
was such an uproar in the crowd that
could not hear my own voice, and some
OF my constituents let me know that
they could not listen to me on such a
dry subject as the welfare of the nation
until they had something to drink, and
that l must treat 'em. Accordingly [
jumped down from the rostrum and led
the way to the shanty, followed BY nv
EeonstitiIents, shouting Huzzas for
Crockett and Crockett forever
when we entered the shanty Job
was busy dealing out his rum in a style
that showed that hewas making a good
day work of it, and called for quart
of the best, but the crooked crittur re-
turned no other answer than by point
ing at board over the bar, on which he
had chalked in large letters, Pay to-day
and trust tomorrow. Now that idea
brought me all up standing; it was sort
of eornering in which there was no
back out. for ready money in the west
in those times was the shyest thing
in all natur', and it was most particular
| ly shy with me on that occasion.
The voters, seeing my predieament,
fell of to the other side, aud | was left
deserted and alone, as the government
will be when it no longer has any Off
ces to bestow | saw, plain as day, that
the tile of popular opinion was against
me, and that, unless got some rum
| speedily, l should lose my election as
sure as there are snakes in Virginny-
and 1t must be done soon, or even burn
ed brandy wouldn't save me So /
walked away from the shanty, but in
another sort from the way | entered it,
for on this occasion had no train after
me, and not voice shouted 'Hu2za for
Crockett. Popularity sometimes de-
ponds on very small matter; indeed,
in this particular, it was worth quart
| of New England rum and no more
Well, knowing that a crisis was at
hand, | struck into the woods with nay
rifle on my shoulder my best friend in
time OF need, and, as good fortune
would have it, had not been out more
| than quarter of an hour before | freed
fat coon, and in the pulling of trig-
| ger he lay dead at the root OF tree.
l soon whipped his hairy jacket off his
| back, and again bent my way toward
the shanty, and walked up to the bar,
not alone, for this time | had half a
dozen of my constitutions at my heels.
| threw down the 'coon-skin upon the
counter and called for quart OF rum,
and Job, though busy in dealing ont
rum, forgot topoint to his chalked rules
and regulations, for he knew that a
coon was as good legal-tender for a
| quart in the west as a New York shilling
any day in the year.
MY constituents now flocked about
me and cried .Huzza for Crockett
| 'Crocket forevert and finding the tide
had taken turn, l told them several
yarns to get them in good humor, and
having soon dispatched the value of the
coon, | went out and mounted the
stump without opposition, and clear
majority of the voters followed me to see
what had to offer for the good of the
nation. Before was half through one
of nv constituents moved that they
would hear the balance of my speech at
ter they had washed down the first part
with some more of Job Snelling's ex-
tract of cornstalk and molasses; and the
question being put up, it was carried
unanimously. 1t wasn't considered
necessary to call the yeas and nays, so
we adiournedto the shanty, and on the
wav began to reckon that the fate of
the nation pretty much depended upon
my shooting another coon.
"While standing at the bar, feeling
sort of bashful while Jobs rules and
regulations stared me in the face, | east
down nv eyes and discovered one end
of the 'coon-skin sticking between the
logs that supported the bar. Job had
slung it there in the hurry OF business.
1t followed my hand as natural as If
had been the rightful owner. | slapped
it on the counter, and Job, little dream
ing that he was barking up the wrong
tree showed along another bottle, which
my constituents quickly disposed Of
with great good humor, for some OF
them saw the trick, and then we with
Idrew to the rostrum to discuss the af
fairs of the nation.
| II don't know how it was but the
voters soon became dry again, and moth
ing would do but we must adjourn tc
the shanty, and as luck would have it,
the 'coon-skin was still sticking between
the LOGS, as if Job had flung it there OF
purpose to tempt me. / was not SLOW
in raising tito the counter; the rum fol
loewd, of course, and wish may be sho
if didn't, before the day was over, gel
ten quarts for the same identical skin
and from a fellow, too, who in those
parts was considered rs sharp as stee
trap and as bright as a pewter button
This joke secured me my election
for it soon circulated like smoke among
my constituents, and they allowed witt
one accord that the man who could gre
the whip-hand of Job Smelling in fai
trade could outwit Old Nick himself
and was the real grit for them in con
gress After the election was over
sent Smelling the price of the rum, bu
took good care to keep the fact from tn
knowledge of my constituents. Job re
fused the money and sent me word tina
it did him good to be taken in occasion
ally, as it served to brighten his ideas
but afterwards learned that when h
found out the trick that had been play
ed upon him he pu: all the rum ha
| ordarad in his hill AGAINST nv onnOnRnt