The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-08-24
WHY WE LAUGH.

A printer can feel frst-rate and still be all
out Of sorts.--Post- Express.
Never propose to a girl in writing. 1t is
"present company" that Is "always accepted"
Life.
Singular epitaph: General Tom Thumb
Is dead. Peace to bis ash."-Arkdusa,o
Trduelsr.
The next time man at Niagara attempts
to shoot the rapids he will do 1t with gun.
-Pieayune. -s4
An Ohio farmer has named one of his hogs
Maud, because she comes into the garden so
much.-Modern Argus.
Telegraph operators indulge agood deal In
dots and dashes in their talk-just now 1t is
principally dashes.-Lo,ceH Courier.
When q death occurs in q Boston family
the surviving members eat black beans for q
month, as a mark of respect for the dead.
An Iowa family gave tramp dinner and
the tramp gave the family the smallpox.
Don't blame the poor man, perhaps that was
all be had to give.-Haukeye.
A gentleman who had just returned from
Europe was asked how he liked the trip
across the ocean. ''Not bit," was the
reply. 81 felt utterly retched all the way
over."-Post. Express.
A couple of spies in Philadelphia were
given ginger ale when they called for sherry,
In Philadelphia saloon on Sunday, and are
held in $500 bail for conspiracy, after they
swore they had purchased WINE.
"What will you have," said the waiter at
with q high forehead leaned back in his
chair, and wiping his brow thoroughly with
a napkin, CALCULATED sternly, "Gimmeall."
The following placard hangs up in Ten
nessee store window:
Peppermint lie for
He'd axe
Belize I"
10th
"Never would call boy of mine 'Alias,'"
said Mrs. Jones Of Huntsville, Ala, "if had
hundred to name. Men by that name Is
allus cuttin' up capers. Here's Alias Thomp-
son, Alias Williams, Alias the Night-hawk-
all been took up for stealin'."
eyes," said the wise hotel keeper "we
only charge half-rates for children. We put
lots of pies and doughnuts before them, and
the little dears don't eat more than one
meal out of three. 1 have ne sympathy
with man who tries to keep children out
of his house."
James Parton says: Separated from the
soil, man never yet has succeeded in thriv-
Ing" Men who are lying in cemeteries are
not separated from the soil, but they don't
seem to thrive much. And there's Henry
Clay Dean-but he may be thriving, In a
certain sort of way, for all we know.-Nor-
risto,cn Herald.
Eugene Chapontop, who once travelled
with shows as the "strong man." being able
to hold 175-pound man out ut arms length,
the man standing on his hand, is now cook
In Syracuse hotel. His principal duties,
1t Is supposed, are to pound tough beef and
bounce Improbable boarders.-Norristown
Herald.
A vigorous old fellow in Maine who had
lately buried his fourth wife was accosted
by an acquaintance, who, unaware of his
bereavement, asked: "How is your wife,
Cap'n Plowjoggor ?" to which the Captain
replied, with perfectly grave face: "Waal,
to tell ye the trewtb, am kinder out of
wives just naow."-Boston Commercial Bul-
tetin.
The story In the June "Drawer" of man
who went to town with his wife to do errands
and was sorely perplexed at missing some
thing on his return until he reached home
and found that he had forgotten his wife, re-
minds somebody of q woman In Philadelphia
who gave her husband six commissions to
execute in New York. He telegraphsd back
that he had executed five and forgotten the
last. 1t was an order for an illuminated
sentence for Sunday school room. He was
a good deal astonished when he received the
reply: "Unto US this day a child Is born
wa faat vida and four faat lono - EJ;for.o
Drawer in Harper's Magazine for August.