Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-07-21
BRIGHT BITS.

THF TURN of the ''tied"-Starting
hOmeward after the wedding trip.
A NEWPORT MAN actually flirts with
his own wife. He's very near-sighted.
How STRANGE is life! Before marriage
the girl pulls the wool over mans eyes.
After marriage she pulls it off of his head.
"MY DEAR, sh-sh-don't v think we'd
better (hic) Zh-bring up the baby on er
chic bottle? / wuzh brought up on hic
er bottle myself"
IFBROOMs are wet in boiling suds once
a week they become very tough, and will
not break up so easily when fond wife
is demonstrating with her husband and
trying to induce him to do better.
''NtNETY-FIvE in the shade in the city,"
murmured the seaside landlord. Cora
people. Here, John, tell the head clerk
to advance the rates 81 per day"
FANNY CONLEY, the fat circus woman,
went to sleep, turned over on her face and
suffocated, beng unable to turn herself
on account of her great weight. This is a
warning to the Aldermen of the country.
A TEACHER in the Chinese Sunday
school was relating to one of his pupils
the story of Job. when the heather sud
denly exclaimed: "Bile no good; Job
muchee git well. Me see his name on
wagons"
A MILLIONAIRE banker in Paris once
invited Chopin to dinner. 1t was barely
over when the host showed him the piano
and urged him to play something. "Mais,
Monsieur lie Baron" replied Chopin, q
have eaten so little"
EWERE YOU in the late warp asked a
veteran of a badly demOralized citizen,
who came hObbling down the street on a
tah
mean," was the sad reply. "She gave me
this one last night before tea"
COMMENTING on paragraph concern
ing Mr.. Gladstone in the Court journal,
an Arkansas paper says: eve have had
our eye on Col. Gladstone for some time,
and our readers doubtless remember how
bitterly we were opposed to his appoint
ment as whisky inspector. He knew all
the time that whisky was being stolen at
st. Louis, and the government did wrong
in not walloping him along with the rest
of the gang.
CHOSE are five cents, madam" said
the fruit dealer to a lady who had just
asked the price of some bananas. care
those five cents?" asked the boy who
''helped" in the store after she had gone
out. Certainly they are" answered the
proprietor. "Why?' ''Because | didn't
sell them for that when you were
out" "Ihen what in time did you
sell them fOr?" shrieked the proprietor,
growing very wroth. ''SiX, SIR" muir
INJURED the youth, as he lodged his head.
AT THE DEPOT: care you sure that our
trunks are all right?' "Yes, my dear;
| lust saw them.'' ''Did you think to
lock the front doorY' eyes," "And have
you telegraphed Uncle Josh to meet us at
the station with his wagOnY' eyes, and
indicated that we would stay at his farm
until cold weather." "That was right
but how about the newspaper notices ~
''Here they are, all ready to mail as
soon as l can get stamps-'Mr. and Mrs.
Deadbeat, with their interesting family,
will sOjourn at Saratoga"
Landlord, this bill is downright extor-
tionr' ''How is that% ''Why, can stop
at the Grand Pacific for less than YOU
have charged me!' 'Yes, sir, but is the
Grand Pacific among the hills? Is it sur
rounded by pines? Has it a boiling
spring? Can you walk over precipice
within two hundred feet of the Grand Pa
cific? / charge two dollars day for the
precipice, another for the hills and the
spring. and if twelve shillings a day for
hotel rates are not dog cheap then / don't
know how to please you. Why, sir, if
the Fifth Avenue Hotel was on the brink
Of.a precipice two hundred feet high
you couldn't stop there for eight dollars a
daV ~