Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-04-06

New Jersey. Well, we don't know what
nsh could do, IL ysu New Jersey fellows
would give II the ghost Of chance.
Il don't like boarding." writes young
man to chum. Somehow, boar d.hash al.
ways tastes Just like sawdu.t." Well, what
Is aawdust but board-hash, anyway
A man in Winthrop, Mo-, plays the piano,
organ, violin, banjo, cornet, fife xylophone,
bones and guitar, and whistles like a night.
ingale. That accounts for the report that
me value OF real estate Is going down in
Winthrop.
An exchange says that two-thirds of the
$1,000 Inhabitants Of Jaffa go barefoot the
year round, dress like the Philis,ines of old.
ana do not yet know the decent use Of a
pocket handkerchief, What paradise for
children.
How different arc the ameuiiies of the
church and of journalism. Rev. Schema.
horn calls Rev. Newman Smyth a bgot, and
the editor OF the Nevada Bungh2L pleasant
ly paragraphs bis brother Of the Black Hills
Jumbo as big-well, never mind tell you
some other time.
"A man named Joseph Cook" says the
Boston 1rdpeler, "fell down flight Of stairs
At No. 10 Bromneld street. and suffered CON
cussion OF The brain" That accounts for our
being able to understand last Mondays neon
lecture.
Vennor is Il well-educated man and sings
his photography with grace, but he has GER
tainly given us bad spell of March wealth
cr
Chicago gets up on her ear and says sic
wouldn't swap her bg-fostcd girls for all the.
"culchawed" feminnity of Boston and he,
crookcd-elbowed dudes thrown in to boz
We don't blame Chicago for not wanting
boot dude. Give her pillow, or pan
mush, or something real hard.
Now, gentlemen, shall we not carr
this PLATFORM" urged a temperance Oh
who had been formulating some deci
unpopular propositions 'Bedad we
yelled an Irishman in the crowd, "sy
carry yez out wild it,"
| When the Boston Post man is haN
for jokes, could you say that he was out H.
Sor,s2
, An awful mad bachelor sportsman lives
In Springfield He sent dollar for Mary
L. Blake's new book "On the Wing" sup
posing it TO be treatise on the art Of shoot
ing, and found it was nothing but a woman's
gossip on the original theme of travel. Alas,
the world is full OF deception.
A well-known literary critic Gays that the
, best author lets his story tell itself Well,
. now. we've been trying that plan all along,
but we never made half as much money cut
:, OF ii as Dickens and Thackeray and those
fellows, who sat RICH, down and wrote it out
themselves.
They don't have much "culchaw" out
= West, and yet their way of .speaking Of some
;, things is extremely delicate and nice. For
instance, when they have chased 4 horse
thief across three counties. and finally got
him so embarrassed that he don't swallow
> with ease, they 60 home and tell their wives
that they have "treed' q cattle litter,
Il Occasionally an incident happens which
convinces the poor overwotked and uuap-
, preciated editor that he has not toed al,o-
= gcthcr in vain--for instance, when letter
like the following is received from rural
. subscriber "Nster Ed My wife cut re-
cecp for py out OF your paper and our in
IS tire family is sick with callary morbis. Ever
p your true friend, Rustycus."
A blind man who has been inmate of the
poorhousc in Wethersfeld, Conn, for over
fifty years, can repeat every sermon that he
II hears almost word for word. Well every
VI body gets some comfort out Of life, thank
y heaven.
An innovation in funerals 10 said to be
gaining favor, by which the relatives of the
deceased act as pall.bearers. The bother of
d it is when rich man dies there is such
y crowd OF relatives you can't much more than
get them all into the church.
e A Georgia man at the age Of one hundred
It and one years became the father of boy
whom he lived to see cast ballot. samuel
=. J. Tilden may live to have vote yet.
e, A notorious character Of Kansas City 10
70 Belle Payne, who calls herself "The Queen
OF IIel's Half-Acre." We don't think she
n. has any authority for restricting the family
e domain in that way, Even Beecher wouldn't
fence it of inside Of ten acres.
ID The Baltimore city council recently ap-
al propriattd $3.50 to each of the aewsi aper
reporters engaged In reporting the proceed
:. inss of the council for the daily newspapers
:, Now We shall see which goe, deepest, the
newspaper mans conscience or his pocket.
"a Some fellow has discovered a method of
turning old newspapers into glucose and
making that into sugar. This will enable
editors to make corner in the maple sugar
market.
A Chicago paper startles the world by tell
ing Of man who lived nineteen days with a
ball in his brain. 1t was fancy dress affair,
and he was awfully anxious for fear his new
u two-tned coat wouldn't he ready for the &C.
~ casion.
Victor Hugo is said 10 he the only man in
France who still kisses lsdy's hand instead
OF shaking it. The reason We don't do it in
u this country is because we would get our
check scratched with diamond, every
- time.
DR.. Oliver Wendell Holmes will be honor.
ed with another banquet by his friends In
A. New York on April 18th. Pretty soon Oil
:. yer will be able to get his board that way,
A woman OF certain age is never a wo-
- man whose az is certain, French W.T..
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