Omaha daily bee., 1883-01-20
~PEPPERMINT DROPS.

Patent medicines are now made that will
cure everything except hams.
A New Jersey man has patented o stove
that eIplodes at 10 o'clock at night. He
has four daughters.
An exchange wants to know; "What
are our young men coming to?' Coming to
see our girls, OF course.
Skeletons are now sold at the ridicu.
lousy low price # $25. At that rate al.
most every family can have one in the
loset.
A ~bald.headed man, who had heard that
the hairs Of q mans head are numbered,
wants to know II there /, not some place
where he can obtain the back NUMBER.
When an Iowa anti.profanity society
gets into financial distress 1t gets some
rich man to join, and then arranges to
have him accidentally" sit down upon an
egg.
They arrested q man in Brooklyn the
other day for pretending to be q police.
man." He was found guilty on the ground
that he wa asleep. That was considered
pretending"
A New York divorce lawyers advertise.
ment resde, "Hymeneal imcompAtibilitiss,
~ . speciality, carefully adjusted. Tia
slavery to Diet ain the hand after the heart
hath fed"
A New Aork hotel keeper has over
$40. 900 invested In horselesh, and some
people are wishing he would sell one OF
his horses and buy . few towels for upper
bedrooms.
Prof. Langley, Of Pittsburg, discovered
. remarkable new black spot upon Venus
| Al, pip0 hap krauti Nhrn,nh that ctt, TIL.
Is the usual experience Of visitors In Pitts.
burg. They are lucky II they got Of with
only one spot.
Bjornstjsrne Bjornson, the novelist,
narrowly escaped having o middle name.
His parents intended to ell him Bjornst-
jorne Bjorjorj' jnjtjorjopjrnstjse Bjornson,
put the y, box gave u before the
third syllable of the middle name was
reached,
A household writer makes an essay on
How to dress a green turtle" The sim
plest way would be to put him into o skirt
Of sackcloth cut bias on the back, with
gathers and tucks on the bottom. Having
a habit of with orawing its head from view,
the turtle needs no hat.
In q Cincinnati court room the other
day q witness swore that he never saw his
mother.in.law and did not know her name.
1t made the jury 30 wild with envy that
they forgot all about the case and could
not agree on q verdict.
AT a dance given In North Carolina the
other night one mRu was stabbed, one shot,
two olu6bed, two had bones broken, one
woman had an eye put out and the house
burned up. Those present call 1t o real
old.fashioned good time.
"Im going to O masquerade ball this
evening, and / want an %sppropriate Dress"
he said to tie oostumer. "What Is your
business!' "Oh. I'm q milkmap." "Ah!
Then you'd better put on q pair OF pumps
and 60 ~disguise1 81 . waterfall"
Miss Ersily Fs;thfui, during q lecture In
the west, said that mo great good had
ever been accomplished In the world that
women did not have . hand In IT," where.
upon . Kentucky politician got up and
asked her II woman had . hand Ia the in.
production Of whisky In sthis country.
Some mems ideas Of "a great deal" differ
from that Of some other men.
Sentimental inscriptions do not always
have the effect their authors intend, In
the cemetery Of Pere Lachaise are two
colrmus, side by side, with the inscrip.
tions lin French, Of o%ourse): u
"Adele R.
1 wait for you. 1885,.
On the other:
Louis R,
Here l m 1881"
Beneath the last some x :. min has in
scribed:
tIIn NaANr LII. H..