St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-01-05

against the wall, and then curl yOu up,
and squirm you like a spider on a stove
lid, till somebody shuts that kitchen
door. In solid fact, there is no clamor
that is even remotely comparable to
the dire clamOr which that gong makes.
Well, this catastrophe happened every
morning regularly at five o'clock, and
lost us three hours sleep for, mind
you, when that thing wakes you, it
doesn't merely wake you in spots it
wakes you all over, conscience and all,
and you are good for eighteen hours of
wide e-awakedness subsequently-eig
teen hours of the very most incOnceivz
able wide-awakedness that You eveE'
experienced in your life. A stranges'
died on our hands one time, and We
left him in our room over night. Did
that stranger wait for the general
Judgment ? No, sir he got up at five|
the next morning in the most prompt
and transformations way. | knew lie
would knew it mighty well. He
collected his life Insurance, aI4l iiN'~s
happy ever after, for there was plenty
of proof as to the perfect squareness of
his death.
"Well, we were gradually fading
away to better land, on account of
our daily loss of sleep so we finally
had the expert up again, and he ran Il
wire to the outside of our door, and
placed switch there, whereby Thorn
as. the butler, could take off and put
on the Il arm but Thomas always
made one little mistake-he switched
the alarm off at night when he went to
bed, and switched it on again at day
break in the morning, just in time for
/ the cook to open the kitchen door, and
enable that gong to slam us across the
house, sometimes breaking a window
with one or the other of us. At the
end of a week we recognized that this
switch business was delusiOn and Il
snare. We also discovered that Il
band of burglars had been lodging in
the house the whole time-nOt exactly
to steal, for there wasn't much left
now, but to hide from the police, for
they were hot pressed, and they
Shrewdly judged that the detectives
would never think of a tribe of burglars
taking sanctuary in house notorious
ly protected by the most imposing and
elaborate burglar alarm in America.
''Sent down for the expert again,
and this time he struck most dazzling
idea-he fixed the thing so that open
ing the kitchen door would take of
the alarm. 1t was noble idea, and
he charged accordingly. But you al
ready forsee the result. | switched on
the alarm every night at bed time, ne
longer trusting to Thomas's frail mem
ory and as soon as the lights were
out the burglars walked in at th,
kitchen door. thus taking the alarm of
without waiting for the cook to do il
in the morning. Yogsee how aggra
vatingly we were situated. Fol
months we couldn't have any company
Not spare bed in the house all Occu-
pied by burglars.
"Finally | got up a cure of my own
The expert answered the call, and RAJ
another under ground wire to the sta
BILE, and established IA switch there. ;,
that the coachman could put on anr
take of the alarm. That worked hrs
rate, and season of peace ensued
during which we got to inviting com
pany once more and enjoying life.
"But by-and-by the irrepressibl'
alarm invented new klnk. One win
ter's night we were flung out of bed b!
the sudden music of that awful gong
and when we hObhled to the annunci
atOr, turned up the gas, and saw th'
word Nursery exposed, Mrs. McWil
liams tainted dead away, and cam
precious near doing the same thin:
myself. | seized my shotgun, an,
stood timing the coachman whilst tina
appalling buzzing went on. knew
that his gong had flung him out too
and that he would be along with hi
gun as soon as he could jump int
his clothes. When | Judged that tin
time was about ripe, crept to tn
room next the nursery, glanced throug
the window, and saw the dim Outlin
of the coachman in the yard below
standing at present-arms and wait
inc for a chance. Then hoped int
the nursery and fired, and in the sam
= instant the coachman fired mt the re
flash of nv gun. Both of us were sue
cessful | crippled a nurse. and Ii
shot off all my hack hnir. We turne