The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1883-07-04
FROM BRIDGET.
ALEXANDRIA. LA..)
July 4, 1883. I

DEAR DEMOCRAT
have come to the sensible con.
,lusion that people should never
make rash promises. Having too
hastily pledged myself to keep your
readers alive during the summer
months by an occasional cool sprink
ling ofwit and humor, I feel in hon
Or bound to stand by my bargain;
though the "spiri,s that tend on
mortal thoughts and inspire so
many mischievous ideas, can alone
tell what am to write about. !
the least notion myself; but
shall wait for the promptings Of my
familiar demon and jot down what.
ever he happens to put into my bead.
10 begin with small things first;
It seems that, in my last letter, my
random arrow, though drawn at
venture, hit the bulls eye. ! really
could not have conscientiously taken
my "AIfred Davy" that the names
Of those misguided young men were
in the Toscn Talk, for, to say truth,
that deIeclable sheet forms no part
of my daily reading. Uolike tha.
sole and singular subscriber, who
ought to be shut up in . glass case
and carefully preserved as unique
specimen. ! cannot only eat my
breakfast without = seasoning OF
Toacn Talk, but can comfortably di.
gest 1t afterward. l followed the ex-
ample of the best Iogicians, and rea-
sooed from principles Of induction,
that is to soy: viz: etc: and so forth.
As the 7oaen Talk is we'll known to
snap up every floating scrap Of intel
ligence, small or great, true or false,
with shark.like voracity, and, also
like the shark, without caring much
about the quality Of its food, there
fore, such tempting nsorceau Of
scandal could no more escape its in
satiable NAV than a tit-bit Of carrion
could elude a buzzard; ergo, all the
de.ais of the late ''li,,!e unpleasant
ness," aud the names of the psrtici.
pants mast have been in its columns,
though did not see them there
Q, E. D. With regard to the Ed
TORS ~ (?) (7 magnificent threat
to publish my "real name," wbeuev.
er he gets ready l will send him my
autograph, and also lock of my hair
for keepsake; that is, i'll can spare
enough for the purpose without abso.
lutely scalping myself. Though past
my preaiere jeunesse, still entertain
some ambitious hopes Of getting mar.
ried one of these days, so can't afford
to spoil my beauty even for his dear
sake. Apropos dies bottles, can you
Tell me, Mr.. Editor, what that other
editor (edi.ors are as plentiful as
blackberries nowadays and almost as
cheap, means by talking about my
-"mother?" How does he know ev.
er had a mother9 When, 10 the
course of his explorations among
dark and hidden things, he comes
across the fossil remains of that ven
cradle female, be will please place
them 90 exhibition at once, go that
can identify them. No doubt fila
instinct will enable me to do so
though never saw or heard Of them
before. But enough of this; it is ou
of all due proportion that anything
so smaiI-iu every sense of the wore
should occupy so large space;
will therefore make long step frou
the ridiculous to the sublime, insteat
Of tue other way, and give tue read
ers of the DEMOCRAT really impor
tant piece of information, for whicl
they should be deeply grateful. Thi
lie the Glorious Fourthl The grea
day for cannon firing, whisky.drink
ing, wishy wasby orations abou
Lexington and Bunker Hill; and, i
short, unlimited buncombe all owe
the country. I'm sure II all th
twaddle that has been talked on thi
day since '76 could be piled up,
would make heap as big as "all til
ills that flesh is heir TO" in Add
sons fine allegory. Nous Sutres i
the Sunny South don't make so gres
a display Of our patriotism on til
Fourth as we used to in days of yor
however, some of Us still make it a
excuse for taking an extra "smile
! or two; though, Heaven knows y
; don't need any more excuses for th,
than we have already.
Have you seen the monster tanl
that are being dug in our streets2-
l highly approve OF them, and thin
they will answer TWO equally laud
ble purposes; i'd est, furnish vat
for the fire engine, aud serve Us tra,
for the little street Arabs who a
e our most extensive circulating med