The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-08-03
The Youmorist.

"YOu are the youmorist, are You
not?" queried Il long billed pelican all
dressing Il thoughtful, mental athlete
on the Milwaukee Il St. Paul Road the
other day.
Eyes, SIR said the SorrOwful man
brushing away II tear. IL am an YOU
mOriSt. | am not very much so, bu.
still | can see that | am drifting thai
way. And yet was once joyous and
happy AS you are. Only few years
ago before | was exposed 10 this mala-
dy, | was rs blithe rs speckled year
ling and rocked not of aught-nor any
thing else. either. Now my whole life
is blasted. do not dare to eat pie or
preserves. and no one tells funny stories
when am near. They regard me Us
q professional. and when get in sight
the scrub nine close up and wait for
me to entertain the crowd and wadlle
around the ring"
what do you mean by that?" muir
INJURED the purple-nosed Interrogation
point.
MEAN? Why mean that whether
I'm drawing u salary or not. I'm ex-
ported to be the life of the party !
don't want to be the life of the party. |
want TO let some one else be the life of
the party. want to get up the repu
tatiOn of being as cross rs Il bear with Il
sore head. ! want people to watch
their children for fear Ill swallow
them. want to take my low-cut eve
ming dress smile and put it in the bu
reau drawer. and tell the world I've got
a cancer in my stomach and the heave>
and hypOchondria, and Il malignant ease
of leprosy."
"DO you mean to say that you do not
feel facetiOus all the time, and that
you get weary of being IN youmOrist?'
Eyes, hungry interlocutor. Yes, low
browed student, yes. am not always
tickled. D.l you ever have large.
angry, and abnormally prOtuberant boil
somewhere on your person where it
seemed to be in the way? Did you ever
have such a boil as Il travelling cOmpan-
ion and then get introduced To people
as an youmOrist? You have not? Well.
then, you do not know all there is of
suffering in this sorrow-streaked world.
When wealthy people die why don't
they endow cast-irOn castle with 4
draw-bridge to it and call it the YOU
morist' retreat?
"But how did you come to git to be
an yOumorist?"
"Well, l don't know. l blame my
parents some. They might have pre-
vented it if they'd taken it in time, but
they didn't. They let it run on till it
got established and now it's no use to
go to the Hot Springs or to the noun.
tains, or have an operation performed.
You let man get the name of being m
youmOrist and he doesn't dare to regis
ter ut the hotels and he has to travel
anonymously and mark his clothes with
his wife's name or the public will lynch
him il he doesn't say something YOU
lnOrOuS.
"Where is your boy tonight" con-
tinued the gloomy humoriSt. ..Do you
know where he Is? Is he ut home un.
der your watchful eye or is he away
somewhere mailing the handles on his
first little joke? Parent, beware. Teach
your boy to beware. Watch him night
and day, or all 1T once, when he is be-
yond your jurisdiction, he will grow
pale. He will have PARKWAY look in
his eye and the bright. rosy lad will
have become the fiat-chested, joyless
youmorist.
ut 5 hard to speak unkindly Of our
parents. but mingled with my own re-
morse shall always murmur to myself
and ask over and over why did not my
parents rescue me while they could?
Why did they allow my chubby little
feet to waddle down to the dangerous
ground on which the sad-eyed youmor-
iSt must forever stand?
Parent. do not forget what have
said to-day. Whether your child be a
son or daughter. it matters not. Dis
courage the first sign of approaching
humor. 1t is easier to bust the backbone
OF tho first little, tender jokelet that
sticks its head through the virgin soil
than it is to allow the Shiny folds OF
Your sons younorous lecture to be
wrapped about you and to bring your
gray hairs with sorrow to the grave. ~
E.W Nye