Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-09-06
a Case Of Assisted Enumeration.

A few wears ago some thousands Of
brown-coated, obtrusive, quarrels0me
little natives of the British Isles were
assisted" to cross the Atlantic, and
given fee quarters in many OF our
American cities. They were low-bred,
dirty, ill-tempered little varlets, always
ready to eat or to fight. Greedy, jeal-
Gus, restless, they were ready to die OF
overlooking rather than see grain OF
food, no matter how coarse or filthy,
consumed by any other winged thing.
For this reason, 1t was supposed that
the English sparrow might be utilized
to do the dirty work which our daintler
and more aristocratic native sOngsters
stubbornly refused to perform. First
among the useful things expected of this
reckless foreign pauper immigrant was
that he would clean the woods and
fields, the trees and streets of certain
pestiferous insects that made war upon
the foliage, and converted our parks
into leadess haunts for the caterpillar.
1t was also expected that these myriads
of restless little gluttOns would soon
render STRENGTHENING boards unneces-
sary, and by performing the scavengers
work of our municipalities gratis, allow
those having charge of such public work
to abandon even that show of activity
which they had hitherto scrupulously
maintained in order to excuse the rob-
berry they perpetrated.
For a time these "assisted immi-
grants" true to their greedy instincts,
not only performed the work for which
they were imported but also made war
on the aristocratic natives, whom they
quickly supplanted Robins and spar
rows and the shy fy-catchers, with
their sweet notes. fed away from the
towns, abandoned their chosen cOmpan-
ion, man, and hid in the darkest woods
and gloomiest dells, away from their
pugnacious, persevering and illimitably
fecund prosecutors. All the native
birds abandoned their accustomed
haunts. Our native sparrows deserted
the hedges and hid in the wildwood.
The robins note is no longer heard in
the park. Even the martins are har-
ried out of their boxes, and the enviOus
little invader rears his numerous brOods
in their deserted homes. The streets
swarm with them. Every coign of
vantage in wall and cornice is alive
with them. The ivy upon the WALL the
eave-spouts and window-caps are
squatted on by the myriad predators.
In the gutter, under the horses feet
everywhere that no other bird ever
dreamed of being-there the sparrow is
sure to be found Chattering, sputter-
ing, eating, fighting, he seems made for
the city's slums-feathered incarnation
of its worst elements. They have
taken the land, and most YOciferouslY
set up their claims to be seen and heard
ut all times and on all occasions. With
the true spirit of the ''assisted immi-
grant," they conceive that the land
belongs to them, and has been created
solely for their use and occupation.
This feeling, no doubt, has induced
them to fOrego one of the chief duties
expected of them. By unanimous and
apparently concerted action they have
''struck" on caterpillars. They pro-
pose no longer to do the dirty work
which the native American warbler
scorns to touch. They know their
rights. The country owes them Iiv-
ing, and living they mean to have, but
they draw the line at caterpillars. So
the cobweb fesJoons hang upon the
trees, the caterpillars invade the boxes
where they dwell; even the young spar
rows fall victims to the creeping foe,
but the d" assisted immigrant is unre-
lenting. He is as good as any one,
and will do nobody's dirty work, if all
the younglings in his nest die of webs
and hairs.
There was one American bird, how
ever, that held its ground despite the
sparrow. The wren was as pugnaciOus
as the imported bird and much nimbler
and surer on the wing. The wren was
the one ornithological KNOWN othing''
that always gave the foreign-born in
truder as good as he sent and more
of it than he wanted. So the
wrens stayed and the sparrows swarmed
around them-the wren, dainty and
aristocratic, but full of pluck and al
ways aching for a fight; the sparrow,
coarse and dirty, but never flying away
from a row. They were strangely
matched enemies, but nobody thought
they would ever become friends. Just
here, however, comes the marvel We
are now informed upon the high author
ity of the Superintendent of Central
Park that these hereditary enemies have
formed an alliance. The WrenS, we are
assured, have intermarried with the
assisted immigrants" and so elevated
the taste and habits of the offspring that
they refuse the vulgar food on which
their fathers fattened, and, like genuine
native American gentlemen, insist on
living on the top shelf and doing only
gentlemanly work. Instead of earning
an honest living and being blessing to
the community, they are of no more
use than crowd of ward politicians of
the licensed thieves and rob berS of Wall
street. The Continent
InOppOrtune,