The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-07-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The farmers inquiry ay?"
Noah was never afraid of starvation
during the flood. He always lad
Ham in the ark.
Directions for resucitating a half
drowned individual If it's a girl I
whisper ice cream in her ear.
When a woman wants to be pretty
she bangs her hair, and when she
wants to be ugly she bangs the door.
Women do not suffer as much as they
used to, in old times, from contraction
of the chest. Just look at the size of
the Saratoga trunks.-I'eras SVtings.
A case is on record where a barber
and his victim were both happy. The
former talked on without interruption
and the latter was deaf.-Ioledo Amer
;can.
A Hartford boy can initiate the
sound of dog-fght perfectly, and
twice the police have had to rescue
him from disappointed crowds.-Bos-
ton Post.
The man who wrote little pamph-
let entitled "How to Get On in the
World" was put off street car the
other day because he hadn't money
enough to pay his fare.-Norristoaon
Herald.
INA, is Long Branch an awful dirty
place." "Why, no, my child-what
made you think SOP" "Why, here is
an advertisement that saysit is washed
by the tide twice day."-Burlington
Free Press.
my big brother can ride on a BIZ
cycle with two Wheels" said one small
boy to another. GOOD golly, that's
nothingw replied the other why,
my little brother can ride on one with
three wheels. "-Kentucky State Jour-
nal.
Making him feel at home: Enfant
Terrible" papa. do ask Mr.. Gobe-
mouche to swallow his Napkin"
Guest (smilingly)-" Why do you wish
me to do that. Miss Alice?" Alice,
earnestly - "Oh, because mamma
says you will swallow anything
He slipped quietly in at the door, but
catching sight of an inquiring face
over the stair-rail, said: "Sorry so
late, my dear, couldn't get a car be-
fore" $50 the cars were full too"
said the lady; and further remarks
were unnecessary.-Georgia Major.
The man who has a country cousin
with desirable farm residence is now
busy trying to explain how it hap
pened that, during the winter season
the C. C. visited the town, be was never
able to find his fashionable relative at
home or get admission to the house.
Fall Rirer AdcGnce.
IAN American young lady singer
went to Europe bearing the name Of
Mary Jane Boggs, and her cognomen
is now Miss Lima Lafonti." Well, if
the residents of the school district
where she lived before she took her
European tour are unable to recognize
her under her assumed name, they viii
probably have no difficulty in recog-
nizing her voice.-Peck's Sun.
A young man, dressed in the height
of fashion, and with poetic turn of
mind, was driving along country
road, and, upon gazing at the pond
which skirted the highway, said: "Oh,
how l would like to lave my heated
head in those cooling waters p An
Irishman, oveThearing the exclama-
ton, Immediately replied: Bedad, you
might lave it there and it wouldn't
sink" -Pretzsps Weekly"
WHO?
Who visits us in summers heat?
VINO bores US often on the street?
Who frequently at home we meet?
Who sails around on pinions feet?
Who takes in every free-lunch treat?
Who dimes with poor and the elite!
Who always gorges on fresh meat!
Who never deigns to take a treat?
But always stands upon his feet
Whenever he's inclined to eat?
Who should it be but that petite
Little bitter, with the sweet
Name, MosQuit?
Boston Courier.
A country merchant visited the city
and purchased from dollar store a
table caster, which he took home with
him. and after putting tag on it
marked $l4. made present of it to a
Methodist preacher, whose church his
family attended. The reverend gen.
tleman took the package home, opened
it and examined the contents. The
next day he took the caster with the
tag attached) back to the groceryman,
and said to him: :" l am too poor in
this worlds goods to afford to display
so valuable caster on my table, and
if YOU have no objection, | should like
to return it and take $l4 worth of gro
ceries in its stead The merchant
could do nothing but acquiesce. but
fancy his feelings.