The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-18
WIpAND HUMoR.
The drinkerof Norwood soon be
:. -. 80 -, Il -

lie EE%s}I ~ 49, 1880
comes a 5sint minded.
Your language is wholly uncalled
for, as the publisher told the author
whose works failed 10 sell.
Don leave off your Gums. New Hal
ven Register. No indeed; you may
need them to fit new teeth 20.
This is an age OF universal deceit,
even tI4 haslest old farmer is often
guilty Of Watering his stock. Chicago
Eye.
Il am going To ruin for State Treasur-
err, said politician TO an ac4ualnt-
ance. That is unnecessary the ac-
quainance replied; wait until you re
elected, and then do your running.
The reason why woman cannot sue
eeed as well as man in the walks of life
is because. when she is on the walks,
one hand is usually employed in holding
up her dress.
Heard in a bric-a-brac store: Custo-
mer-'' Have You any more Louis XIV.
furnitura?" New clerk mo, madame
NOT Just now. The men in our facto-
ry are on a strike
A blind man, for fifty years occupant
Of a Connecticut almshouse, has such a
remarkable memory that he can repeat
any sermon he hears almost word for
word. There are some Affections before
which common humanity stands aghast.
A Young man should always want to
see himself as others see him. and in
doing SO he will find that his ears never
seem so bic ~ they do in spring time
after he has had his hair cut for warm
weather
A dispatch announces that a western
station agent is missing, and although
the human eye is susceptible of great
education, vet it resaIiresza struggle to
keep from reading it ''treasurer instead
of agent.
Mamma Why are you always beat
ing yoar aoll2 That ism nice. F" Elsa
Yes, it Is | must heat the doll, be
cause | don't want papa to tell me, as
he always tells yor, that am spelling
my children.
..Why don't YOU eat like you do at
home?'a saids the rural bridegroom to
las. bride, at St Nicholas table d}hote,
as She nibihed this and tasted that in
her embarrassment; them folks over
there don't pay no more N we do, and
Won are goose to be afraid. y
Deaths by violence average about 90, :
600 year in Russia, there being an
average of lea murders a day. About
$50 are frozen to death every year.
And vet with all these advantages, Rus-
I-sian newspapers are stupid. -B6Ste1
! Post
A North Carolina woman, aged 54,
has just begua to learn to read. Prob
ably she was infoTned by an enemy
thai her name was an one of the local
! papels. y.Nhen woman's curiosity is
o4l{.a arensetls.theres is 40 telling what
sue r &c. "a order togratdfyzit.
sEx-seeresary Eaa'ts shas Tthirteen
dandAters It i5saepbrted that he never
1ocEs t4fe from door Sunday nights until
after II o clock. and even then he lies
awake an hour worrying for fear there
| may be a stray couple in the dining
which he has overlooked.
| Itffs afhged that Socrates said that a
man shorIHl getdrupk once 4 Inpnth, but
| that lie sl4anld lock himself inshis cham
Der, and drink good wine. This seems
! to be a Yeryx acood idea, and if Socrates
were not dead ut present, we might sug-
gest that weavould provide the chamber
| if he would furnish the wine.
| Small boy of eight docking over pic
ture book with boy of ten) What
4 thate S~b. of ten Why, don't you
know ? That's . donkey, haven't you
| ever seen a donkeys$ S b. of eight
! (doubtfullv) No, :. b. of ten (patron-
izingly) Why aave-iots of 'tsm in
the theological gardens, you know.
! A Cincinnati nam eapfrh+ u, -.hss. hs =.
ErrI <ryyspJTF Tysss minutes, was rescued
GninJured When asked if he wasn't
terribly frightened he answered: mo;
l thought my wife had caught me and
was running me out by the back of the
neck
A household journal says "soapsuds
is not the bestswash for ,silverware :"