The Red Cloud chief., 1883-11-02
Mr.. Jones Enlists aS Cook.

ence lately. II came suddenly. like TIA.
toofhache, and IL left the same sort &
indclible impression. The truth j.. he
has been acting n cook. At first bs
thought ne knew as much n n vhole in
tclligcncc Office. and he told Mrs. Jonss
90 when she informed him that Bridget
was going away for two weeks to yi.i,
her sister nj East Saginaw.
I'VE must have a supply. Jepiha."
she said in n ministerial sort Of way.
Il have all ! can 10 with the childreV
and the fall sewing. without doing any
cooking"
.'Non.cnse.' rctortcd Jones: supply
I've blamed! Who wants n strange girl
rummaging through the house? I'll do
the cooking. Maria. can cook better
than any woman ! ever saw. Ever eat
any OF my gingerbread?'
mo. and / never want to-" snapped
Mrs. Jones. Il never saw a man that
could cook anything decenily vet"
"Well. you II see one now. Let me
get mp in the morning and get the
breakfast. I'll show you n bill Of fare
boasted Jones.
The morning came and Jones got up
early and slipped softly down stairs.
intending TO got breakfast ready and
give Maria q surprise.
And he did. When the breakfast
bell rnng she went down and stopped
in the doorway to feast her eyes. Jones
had laid the table with B~ridgct's iron
ing-sheei. and b. was rushing about In
his shirt sleeves. with flying ~suspcnders
and a red and heated countenance.
piling up dishes wherever there was an
empty space ON the scorched cotton
spread.
Are we all left-handed." asked
Willie. rs he called his mas attention
10 the knives and forks on the wrong
side If the plates.
flush up" said the father. severely.
''Sit down. Maria, and turn the coffee.
What are YOU staring at?"
IL was admiring the cook" said Mrs.
Jones. swallowing a pin in her attempt
not 70 laugh, and she gravcly turned q
cup of clear hot water out OF the coffee
pot.
Must have forgot the coffee" num-
blcd Jones: accidents will happen in
the hest of families. Try the oatmeal"
ibid you-pth?- thrw-pth-st-bo
ii?" asked Mrs. Jones. rs she slowly
chokcd Ia death.
.'Do you boil oatmeal porridge?' in
CURED Jones, anNiously; I'm sure my
mother never cooked hers"
NO" laid Mrs. Jones, innoc-ntlv;
''thcn she must have had her throat lined
with porcelain. What are these things"
JcI thai"
Saratoga chips. Maria; don't you
know potatoes when YOU see them"
.1Oh! ! suppose these are what you
call aw natural. ! see Won forgot Ia
peel the potatoes before you fried them
purred Mrs. j.
when did Bridget say she would lie
back" asked Jones, changing the con
vcrsation.
"Why. she has hardly 60. there yet"
answered his wife. ''Shc won't be hack
for two weeks unless her brother Tim
comes
Jones sighed. and went down town,
| where he dincd at several restaurants.
1t took Mrs. Jones all day ut hard work
TO get the kitchen back Ia its normal
condition. and ut night there wa. n very
light supper. Jones announced that he
would have Omclct AMI hot biscuit for
breakfast. and retired early.
In the morning he was sleeping sweet
ly when Mrs. Jones delivered a rcd-hot
shot into his nearest ear.
"Jcptha." she whispered hoarscly.
''therc's-the-fire"
"Whcrc?" shrickcd Jones, sliding
out of bed and into his clothes.
"In-thc Kitchen" replied Mrs. j.,
rolling over into n sound sleep.
Jones few To the nearest box and
turned i'm an alarm, and by the time he
got back 10 the Kitchen and had torn
up the whole interior he discovered his
mistake and tried to appea>e the fury
of the disappointed fire department by
promising to set EN- up later. Then
he took an arnica bath and went to bed
for a week.
Bridget had Just reached East Sagi-
paw and been duly installed as best
guest at her sisters. Mrs. Maloney.
when . messenger appeared.
"Howly Moses. it's a tallygram," she
.gaspcd. ''phat's broken loose now?" 1t
read:
Your brother Tim has arrived; hur-
nv back at once"
When Bridget had redeemed the kitch-
en- from its two DAYS spree, she began
to look for Tim: she hasn't seer him
yet. but as she says: there's the tally
gram" Jones told her to say nothing
MS he might have been taken for q sus-
pect. What he knows he keeps to him.
self.-Detrot Post and Tribune.