The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1883-09-01
PEOK'S BAD BOY.
He Played His Pa for an Orange
man,
And Has Finally Been Banished
From His Home, Sweet, Sweet,
Home-He Threatens
Suicide.

"Hold on here" said the grocery
man, ''come back here and have
some maple sugar. What did your
pa drive you away from home for:"
rick's Day." said the bad boy as he
bit off half a pound Of maple sugar,
and dried his tears. "You see, pa
never see ma buy q a new silk hand
kerchief but he wants it. 'Tother
day ma got one of these orange-color-
ed handkerchief, and pa Immediate
~ had a sOre throat and he wanted
to wear it, and ma let him put it OF.
1 thought I would break him of TAX
ing everything nice ma got, so when
he went down town with the orange
colored handkerchief on his neck,
I told some Of the st. Patrick boys
in the third ward, who had green
ribbons on, that the old dutfer that
was putting on style was an orange
man, and he said he could whip any
st. Patrick's Day man in town. The
fellers laid for pa, and when he came
along n of them threw a barrel
at pa, and another pulled the yellow
handkerchief off his neck, and they
all yelled hang him. and one grab
bed a rope that was on the sidewalk
where they were moving a building
and pa got up and busted. You'd a
dido to SET pa run. He met a police
man and said more'n q hundred lei
had tried to murder him, and they
had m uled him and stolen his yell
low handkerchief. The policeman
told pa his life was not safe, and he
better 20 home and lock himself in,
and he did, and I was telling ma
about how l got the boys to scare pa,
and he heard it, and he told ma that
settled it. He said I had caused him
to run more foot races than any
champion pedestrian, and had made
his life unbearable, aud now 1 must
60 it alone. Now I want you to send
q couple pounds OF crackers over to
the house, and have your boy tell the
hired girl I have gone down to the
river to drown myself, and she will
tell ma, and ma will tell pa, and
pretty soon you will see a bald-head-
ed pussy man whooping it up to-
wards the river with a rope. They
may think, at times, that l am a lit
tie tough. but when it comes to part
ing for ever, they weaken"
"Wel., the teacher at school says
you are a hardened infidel," said the
grocery man, as he charged the crack
ers to the boys pa. He says he had
to turn you out to keep you from
running the morals of the other schol-
ars. How was that"
ut was about speaking the piece.
When I asked him what I should
speak, he told me t. learn some
speech of some great man, some law
yer or statesman, so l learned n of
Bob Ingersoll's speeches. Well, you'd
q dide to see the teacher and the
school committee, when I started in
on Bob Ingersoll's lecture, the n
that was in the papers when Bob
was here. You see 1 thought if a
newspaper that all the plus folks
takes in t,ieir families could publish
Ingersoll's speech, it wouldn't do
any hurt for a little boy, who amt
knee high to a giraffe, to speak it in
school, but they made him dry up.
The teacher is a repuulikin, and
when Ingersoll was speaking around
here on pOlitix, the time of the cleo
ton, the teacher said Bob was the
smartest man this country ever pro-
duced. I heard him say that in cor-
Gus, when he went cumming around
the ward settin' 'em up nights, spect-
ing to be superintendent of schools.
| He said Bob Inyersoll just took the
cake, and I think it was darn mean
in him to go back on Bob and ME
too, Just caus there was no lection.
The school committee made the
teacher stop me, and they asked me
if l didn't know any other piece to
sneak, and I told them that 1 knew
one of Beecher's, and they let me go
ahead, but it was one of Reecher's
new ones where he said ne didn't be-
lieve in any hell, and before [ got
warmed up they said that was
enough of that, and I had to wind up
| on MARY had q Little LAM None
| of them didn't kick on Mary's Lam,
and I went through it, and they let
| me 20 home. That's about the safest
thing a boy can speak in school. now
| days, either. "Mary had a Little
| LAM" or "TwinkIe, Twinkle Little
Star" That's about up to the aver
| age inteleck of the committee. But
if a boy tries to branch out as a states
man, they choke him off. Well, I
am going down the river and 1 will
leave my coat and hat by the wood
yard. and get behind the wood, and
you steer pa down there and you will
see some tall weeping over them
clothes, and maybe pa will jump in
after me, and then | will come out
from behind the wood and throw i'll
| a board for him to swim ashore on.
| Good bye. Give my pocket comb to
! my chum," and the boy went out
and hung up a sign in front of tn"
grocery, as follows: "Pop corn that
the cat has slept in, cheap for
BOD corn balls for sociables. "-Peck's
| Sun.