The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-04-11
WHOLE NO. 1867.


"Ha ! Hal Now / have got you,
said the grocery man. to the baC
boy, the other morning, as he cam
in and jumped upon the counte
and lied the end of a ball of twin,
to the tail of a dog, and "sieked" tn
dog on another dog that was follow
ing passing sleigh, causing th'
twine to play out until the Who'll,
ball was scattered along the block
Condemn you, I've a notion t.
choke the liver out of you. Who
tied that ball of twine to that dog:
tail ?n
The boy choked up with emotion
and the tears came into his eyes, ano
he said he didn't know anythine
about the twine or the dog. He said
he noticed the dog come in, and wac
his tail around the twine but he
supposed the dog was Il friend tc
the family, and did not disturb him
Everybody lays everything that is
done to me" said the boy, as he put
his handkerchief TO his nose, ''and
they will be sorry for it when | die
| have good notion to poison my
self by eating some OF your glucose
gugar."
"Yes, and yon do about every.
thing that is mean. The other day
lady come in and told me to send
up to her house some of my country
sausage, done up in muslin bags
and while she was examining 1t she
noticed something hard inside the
bags, and asked NE what it was
and l opened it, and | hope to die
if there wasn't a little brass paddock
and piece of a red morocco dog
collar imbedded in the sausage.
Now how do you suppose that got
in there ?" and the grocery man
looked savage.
The boy looked interested, and
put on an expression as though in
deep thought, and finally said, Il
suppose the farmer that put up the
sausage did not strain the dog meat.
Sausage meat ought to be strained. "
The grocery man pulled III about
half block of twine, after the dog
had run againsta a fence and broke it,
and told the boy he knew perfectly
well how the brass paddock came to
be in the sausage, but thinking that
it was safer to have the good will OF
the boy than the i'll will, he offered
him handful of prunes.
no" said the boy, Il have sworn
off on mouldy prunes. / am no
kindergarten any more. For years
| have eaten rotton peaches around
this store, and everything you
couldn't sell, but | have turned over
new leaf now, and after this moth
ing it too good for me. Since pa has
got to be an inventor, we are going
to live high"
whats your pa invented ? | saw
hearse and three hacks 90 up on
your street the other day, and |
thought may be you had killed your
pa"
"Not much. There will be more
than three hacks when | Kill pa,
aud don't you forget it. Well, sir,
pa has struck a fortune, If he can
make the thing work. He has got
an idea about coal stoves that will
bring him in several million dollars,
if ne gets a royalty of FIVE dollars on
on every coal stove in the worry.
His idea is TO have a coal stove on
castors with the pipe made to tele-
scope out and IN, and rubber hose
for one joint, so you can pull
the stove all around the room and
warm any particular place. Well,
sir, to hear pa tell about it, YOU
would think it would revolutionize
the country, and maybe it will when
he gets it perfected, but he came
near burning the house up, and
scared us all half to death this morn
ing, and burned his shirt off, and he
is all covered with cotton and sweet
oil, and he smells like salad dress
ing. You see pa had pipe made
and some castors put on eur coal
stove, and had me to put in some
kindling wood and coal last night SO
he could draw the stove up to the
bed and light the fire without get
ting up. Ma told him he would put
his foot in it, and he told her to dry
up, and let him run the stove bnsi-
ness. He said it took man with
brain to run a patent right, and ma
she pulled the clothes over her head
and let pa 90 the fire act. She had
been building the fires for 90 years.
and thought she would let pa see
how good it was. Well pa pulled
the stove to the bed. and touched
off the kindling wood. Iguess may.
be | got a bundle of kindling wood
that the hired girl had but kerosene
on, because it blazed up awful and
smoked, and the blaze bursted out
the doors and windows of the stove
and pa yelled fire, and | jumped out
of bed and rushed in and he was the
smartest man you ever see, and
you'd died to see how he kicked wher
Ithrew pail of water on his legs
and put his shirt out. Ma did not
get burned, but she was pretty wet
andshe told pa she would pay the five
dollars royalty on that stove and
take the castors off and let it remain
stationery. Pa says he will make il
work if he burns the house down
think it was real mean in pa to get
mad at me because | threw cold
water on him instead Of warm water
TO put his shirt out. fl had waited
| till could beat water to the right
temwerature / would have been an
orphan and pa would have a burnt
offering. Butsome men always kick
at everything. Pa has given up bus
mess entirely and says he shall de-
vote the remainder of his life curing
himself of the different troubles that
/ get him into. He has retained a
doctor by the year, and he buys his
liniment by the gallon"
"What was it about your folks
! %Ha x.,~h4 cot Thc