The Fremont County record. [volume] (Canon City, Colo.) 1877-18??, 1883-02-24
ADVERTISING RATES.
SCISSORISyiS.

Going the rounds of the press-the girl
who waltzes.
What are you taking for your cold? Our
price is low. What1l you give? Make us
an offer.
1t has been observed that as soon as a
girl wcars a nice diamond ring her nose
goes to itching.
Jones says he hasn't got a mother-in-law,
but he has a father-in-jail, and it amounts
to the same thing.
A correspondent asks us what is the rela-
.ion of a university to an ordinary college.
1t is a step farther.
al am thy fathers spirit, " as the pint
flask said to the inquisitive urchin who had
been investigating the cupboard.
Counsel to witness-Y ou're n nice sort Of
fellow, you are, Witness-Id say the same
thing of you, sir, only I'm on my oath.
The girls like the new song, put your
armour, on my boys 1t sounds so much
like 8 Put your arm around me, boys"
The difference between \ weli-shod moth
er and her corrected offspring is that she is
kid-slippered and he is a slippered kid
4 gentleman the other evening objected
to playing cards with a young lady, be-
cause. he said, .hc had such a winning way
about her.
Chicago man gave his wife his photo
saying. Amy, dear, it's very faithfnl;' TO
like the original
A married man in Chicago has Invented
an India rubber rolliBg-pin that will roll
out the dough very evenly and yet bend to
the head when it strikes
"will you settle tina, old account Of
yours this morning? said a colonist. No.
sir; you are mistaken in the man; ] am
not one OF the old settlers.
The youth who can eat fifiy cent din
ner every day a two-dollar per week
salary, is the fellow vino succeeds in life
and sends his sons 10 college.
]. When = young boy gets so he's ashamed
10 sit on his mothers lap, look out for
some,bing He's probably in business for
4, bimself-holding somebody else.
A bachelor paragrsphor asks: What
shall We do with our Sirlsr' Marry one,
and shake the rest Of them, young man I;
you'll fad ii cheaper in the long run
Another one Of those things that no fel-
low can find out j. whya mans wife thinks
he cares nothing for preserves and other
choice dain,ic. save when she has COM
.rsny for supper
lie gave her hearty smack. Don't
kis. like that she said. Il want a sweet
q tender pressure when I'm kissed. | don't
want amy fireworks He left out the ex-
pIosion in the next act.
Woman dress may be superior 10 mans.
but we don't want no garments around us
that you have to stand up in to get your
hand into the pocket, and then not find
what you arc looking for.
A timid Bostonian has married a lady
whose weight verges closely upon 200
,ounds Ny dear. says he to her shall
help you over the iencer No, says she
ohim, help the fence.
Tho spirit Of emulation in funerals is in
xic, obedience to public sentiment. Com
az from the funeral OF friend, young
roman said to her mother: Did you ever
ec such cheap looking corpse?
"A chair broke down in parlor, last Sun
nv and in the confusion the buckle on the
cit of n young lady who happened TO he
n the room made clean sweep Of the vest
Il n yonng man who had called TO borrow
hhymn-book.
A very ugly woman, toying with pug
Dog in front ofa cafe on the boulevard, said
n Puppy: kiss me and will give you
Unis piece of sugar." street Arab pass
ng by exclaimed: Don't she ask high
Sriee for her sugar.
What city in France is man about TO
tisit when he goes TO get married? He Is
fptng 10 liaNfc AnaNt hu NAb tssAh'
or being asked the question, promptly
epliod. ITO Roucn ruin. Bu, whatever
,lace he takes his bride to she'll think il is
Nice.
Confidential friend Ito elderly and MOI,
ina,tractive spinstcr)-" So dear, you've
dven up advocating womans rights?
Elderly spinstcr. Yes, / now 90 in for
voman's let's Confidential friend
.woman's lefts2 What's thatp" Elderly
pinstcr-" Widowers, my dear.
when you see young fellow who a year
20 used to step up and order the lager for
&c crowd with the utmost sang froid pa
iently trundling baby carriage along the
rect on Sunday afternoon, and looking
hap-fallon in his last scason's hat, don't
tspcak volumes for the reforming influence
fwoman's society,"
Several days after the unfortunate affair
I niEdcn, Adam saw no other alternative to
\ a even with all parties than to start MI
2 uacpendcnt paper with Democratic ton
spcies and paragraph column; and tho
~ article ho wrote was, We don't care
Idnm--wcre going to raise Cain anyhow
len Butler to the contrary notwithstand-
ag.
}. personal-Will the young man in o
- c0dc overcoat and liver oolored hat
ho, sang "The heart bowed down with
eAt his concert this evening at the sam,
=, and stand little way from the lamp
% tho audience can get good crach
IA with lump of coal, without endan
v The property of the gas company
hsarcastic notice was recently cvolvct
the brain of some one whose life ha'
spured by dealings with the class Il
aSthe nctice is addressed: "0fic'
~ listening to commercial travel
ted1 solicitors Of church subscrip
tlto / /; book agents, TO 3; adver
IN, stationery pcddlcrs and insur
o. all day. We attend to our owl
80 night
q tkcus immoral? A country cdi
rel0fter discussing the question nj
s9E& comes TO the conclusion ever.
1E9t the circus is immoral; bu
Hbill-poster comes along with tn
-, his mind changes. He adds
gazc at the lions, tigers nm.
Ind think that nature made al
3%3Nc arc not sure. But whc
- band begins, TO play and th
,sv Ia round we rush for u front sea