The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-08-03
VARIETIES.

The hardest thing to hold in this world
is an unruly tongue, 1t beats hot smooth
ing iron and u kicking horse considerably.
"A lady fell near the postoffice, and the
gentleman who assisted her to her feet in
quired: did you break any bones, mad
amp mo, guess not" she replied "Im
just as mad as if I'd broken dozen of 'em"
-"Why, I'd like to know" said lady
once to distinguished Judge, "can not a
woman become successful lawyer" ut
simply arises from her invariable habit of
giving her opinion without any pay"
answered the Judge.
"A president of n woman's convention
in Boston called upon well known minister
to speak. He made the usual excuses but
finally said: "Well, I'll venture few feeble
remarks" THAT'S all we expect" politely
answered the lady.
-"What books shall we take away for the
SUMMER" asks the Philadelphia Buletin-
If you're going to Newport or Long Branch,
Francis, we would suggest that you take
pocketbook; one about 3 feet long and %
inches wide will last you whole week.
-"How much did you pay for your new
dress - asked Mrs. Smith. Eight cents
a yard they asked 10 cents" why" said
Mrs, Smith, il is just like mine, isn't it?
But did better than you. They asked me 18
cents, and l got it for 12 cents. | got off
more than you"
Explicit: Scene-An humble country
hotel Male guest-Id like to be called at 4 to-
morrow morning; I'm going fishing. Female
domestic (stupdly)-Eh Male guest (delber-
atly)-lm going fishing tomorrow morning
ana wish to be called early-not later than
h. Female domestic (stolidly) Will you ring?
"A gentleman was walking along the side
walk ana Two young men in the street were
playing ball. One threw the ball wide
and it hit the gentleman with terrific force
just back OF the ear making him think he
was slain. The young man who threw the
oaii came up and apologized. He said "Pm
mighty sorry it hurt you, but it's my luck
you were there. If you hadn't been, the ball
woulu ia 10 broken pane of glass in that
basement window"
A Bostonian recently returned from
Europe relates an incident which is not
without It's point. He was standing one eve
ming in a hotel at Amsterdam when lively
colIoquy TOOK place between valet de place
and courier. The former, while wiping the
perspiration from his face, burst out: "'rhese
Americans beat everything. A family came
yesterday and said they must see Amsterdam
IN one day, | put them through, and have
just started them off in the cars WHY, these
Americans when sightseeing work like
horses. "Ics, added the courier facetious-
ly, "and they spend their money Ike asses
Uncle Nose, why does your boy not go to
work? lie seems TO he idlng away his
time" ooh, no, Marstcr GawgG, he amt no
idle boy, Pete amt. He's giltin larnin'
pow,ful fast up at dc 'cademy. Pm maxim
scholard OBJ him. Yo' Pete, come here an
show de geman how yo kin spell; bring him
yo jogeriy book till he axes yer some spell
in outen it," The gentleman asked Pete to
spell COW, mule, ostrich, horse, etc, all of
which he spelled correctly. Then closing
the book he asked Pete to spell 'possum
fete made several attempts but failed, "Hcah,
yo' Pete" said Uncle Nose, "yo' GOOD. fur.
muffin, wuflless boy, what yo' mean by spell
in de la &c animules, SIGH rs de boss an de
mule an de hostrich, an not bein' able to
spell po' little insignificant bird like pos.
sum. 1o better study powful quick on de
possum, or fust thing yo' know yer'lI be
hoein' de cotton patch"