Daily globe., 1883-07-22

of him. The lord seeing that, ''Sirrahv'
says he, ''dS you not know me that you use
no reverence?" eyes," says the boy, ''if
your lordship will hold my calf will put
off my hat"
A lion, having been taken in the nets of
the hunter, owed its release to the efforts
of mouse, which gnawed the meshes and
set the monarch of the forest free. Some
time afterward the lion happened to en-
counter its tiny deliverer taken in trap
and apprehending instant death Filled
with gratitude, the king of beasts raised
his gigantic paw and with one blow re-
duced the trap to the status of wire grid
iron and the mouse to the dimensions of
book marker Moral-Thus we see the
folly of asking points from big operator.
Miss Jane Pickafaw, on hearing the
church soprano break forth into Lord,
now lettest thou thy servant depart In
peace" turns around in her pew for a
glance at the choir, and then whispers,
triumphantly, to her sister: "I'm not so
bad at guessing reckoned twas some
thing new and satisfactory in the bonnet
line, but it appears to be a sealskin." Miss
Maria Pickafiaw, having turned around for
view of the soloist: ga woman of any
refinement would have held in her voice
for a week or two. At least until that new
look had worn oil.
In his Retrospect of Long Life," S.
G.. Hall tells several humorous Irish anec-
dotes, but they belong to the old days.
When last in Ireland he heard but one
new story. 1t has the merit of brevity:
1.-Two boys we're sleeping together. One
was Catholic G, the other Protestant. When
they woke in the morning the latter said:
'Oh, 1 had a horrid drame last night
We'll. tell it to U.S. said the other. well,
will,' said the Protestant boy. 'Ye see, l
drained that l saw Purgathoty opened and
all Papists fell down to He'll Och, muir
der! exclaimed the Catholic boy; the poor
Protestants--won't they be crushed!"
Robert Collyer says: SIN America dys-
pepsia turks beneath the pie-crust," and if
what follows be true we can well believe
hin. Jack had been away for twenty years
and after journeying to many lands re-
turned to his native town to find none of
the old faces there, and even the old h.me
gone. With some trouble he at last found
what seemed TO be an old cellar, but was
undecided for time until he found among
the rubbish wba. seemed to bo rouud bit
OF very old leather. He gazed at it for
awhile and then exclaimed: ''Yes, it is!
Now l know this is the place; for if here
isn't one of dear old Aunt Sues under
crusts, with the plate ali nodded away
fIom itr'
The passengers in the sieeping-car had
retired some half-hour since, and were just
going Off into their first maps, when the
voice of a woman was heard above the
noise of the cars and the rattle of the tenn
pest. ''How the wind blowsr' it screamed.
Every passenger heard the voice, gave a
snort of dissatisfaction and turned over.
Just as everybody got half asleep, again
came the plant, ''How the wind blowsr'
Again the snorts of displeasure were
heard, and again each passenger turned
over. All was quiet for perhaps ten min
utes. Then third time came that mo-
notonous remark, ''How the wind blows!''
An elderly gentleman in one Of the center
berths stuck his head through the drapery
of his couch and courteously remarked:
MY dear madam, we are all under great
obligations to you for your Ineteorologi-
Cal observations; but did you ever know
of a wind that didn't blow!' A suppressed
cachinnation meandered through the car,
and then all was quiet.
He was growing when he went in and
he iawed all the while he was eating, and
when he slouched up to the desk to pay
his IS cents he broko out with: Them
sandwiches are enough to kill dog!'
what sandwichesf" why them on the
table" ''But we have no sandwiches on
the table, SIR" protested the landlord.
F'You haven't? Well, should hkelto know
what you cali them roasted brick bats on
that blue platter?" ''You didn't try to eat
one of those?" Eyes l did!'' "Then my
friend, you had better go for a doctor at
once! Those are table ornaments, made of
terra Gotta, ana were placed there TO help
fill up space! Land o cats! but you must
have lived III a cane brake all your lifer'
The traveller rushed into the car and be-
gan to suck at a brandy flask, and he
didn't get over looking pale for three
hours. And they were sandwices, after all
real good ham sandwiches, made that
day. The landlord had adopted that par
ticular style Instead of using club.
Zach Chandler had a deal of dry humor
He was once narrating an electioneering
visit 10 the western reserve of Ohio. CAT
place called Akron" said he, ''some fell
low stole my hat while I was speaking, and
ICAb AA4O q MIG PIOubOA SPOS1A1OA u hOuO
covering. Then [ lost my gold-headed
cane, which had had for twenty years.
Rut worst of all, while was at Chardon, I
lost my character. It was rather curious,
too. I shouldn't have found it out if John
Beatty hadn't told me. You see, was
speaking there in open air, and the wind
troubled me by blowing the little pieces of
paper on which my notes we're. So took
up my jack knife and laid it down on the
paper to prevent this. And what do you
| think? That is strong temperance COM
munity; and there 1 was talking for two
hours, with the back of the knife toward
that audience, with cork screw in plain
sight-and it showed that it had been used
too! 1 might get back my hat, and, pos.
sibly, some one will repent and return my
| cane; but my character in that community
| is gone forever
A we'll knewn bishop, eminent in his po.
! sition and personal dignity, during the ex-
ercise of his official duties was once quar-
tered upon the wealthiest resident of GER
tain village, whose wife CHANGED to be
away from home. The bishop, with grim
hunlor, frequently complains at being put
into the spare room, which is opened es-
So ~