Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1883-01-04
WIT AND HuNoR

Hone he has an attachment elsewhere.
Step on q woman's trail and she has a
fim for damages. Her redress is =
IIw dress.
\ herdic coaches are failure In Phila-
Y klphia., Too low, too small and too much
Potion Is the verdict against them.
Mrs. Howe says women do not fall in
We any more. Place woman in front
amilliner's window, and see il she
Ibesn't. ...t-
A lady trying to tell friend what a
IPor appetite she had, said: Il eat very
ftle; flea would be q barbecue for
ke.n ~ e @
1t Is now fashionable for young ladies
II be square shouldered,Ia ,Ial Mrs. Lang
Iy. Gymnastio appliances are still
fellow cost, but the cottonmarket is still
booming. o6 = ltsf.
mo" said the youth, 1--WE no pre-
lilection for wearing military dress.
joined the regiment because / am
pound TO win out that girl If 1t takes q
leg.n
II Oscar Wilde says weshould ibeautify
Pur kitchens. That is all very nice in
Theory, but if a man hires q very pretty
book there is apt 10 be trouble in the
family. Better let the kitchens alone.
One of the conspirators among the
Sioux who are threatening trouble is a
chief called Woman's Dress. This
Woman's Dress could be cut gored, and
basted. He's putting on too many
Is.frills." "a5a
Some one describes ''patent spring
bed for married men, Unless it springs
down stairs when a married man comes
home at midnight, noiselessly opens the
front door, and returns with the man
without awaking his wife, it will not fill
q long felt want.
The cost to the English government
Of setting down a full armed British SOL
dier in Alexandria is about 5000. And
when they get there, there's no good
looking nursery maids for him to flirt
with, so he isn't happy or particularly
useful.
When he appeared before his wife
with his nose all bunged up and his arm
in sling. did she ask him with whom
he had been fightingp o, no; but she
merely said: "The nexttime you think
you would like to revel in a hammock,
just put feather bed beneath it."
The mistress has gently reprimanded
her maid for oversleeping herself in the
morning. "You see, ma'am," exclaim-
ed the servant, II sleep very slowly, and
so you see, ma am, it takes me much
longer to get my full sleep than it does
Others, you see, ma'am."
AT Trouville-Mme. de C-to her
husband, who comes home at o'clock
in the morning: "Atwhat time did you
get in this morningp" about mid
night, dearest, about midnight-a few
minutes after perhaps" "Yes, 240
minutes after-I counted them"
An agent who had sold Dutchman
some goods was to deliver them at his
residence. The German gave him the
following directions: .'You shoost goes
behint de church; den you turns up for
vile till you come to yon house init a
big hog in der yard. Dots me- WI.
A woman at a crowded French thea
tire fell from the gallery to the pit. and
|. p picked up by one of the spectators,
Y !, hearing her groaning, asked her if
she was much injured. .'Much iniuredr'
exclaimed the woman. II should think
l am. have lost the best seat in the
very middle of the front row." 10 y
sis that tornado?" inquired gen
tleman of friend, as they sat in the
library smoking their after-dinner cigar.
swell, not exactly" replied the host, as
the roaring increased in fury; '.that is
my wife speaking to the girl for not tell
ing you to wipe your feet before you
came into the parlor.". ra .,s,l ,,,,
When man speaks of woman, he
raves over her beautiful complexion. her
delicately cut features, her glossy hair,
and all that sort of thing. When
woman wishes to describe one of her.
sex, she simply tells what she has on,
Each particularizes what each values
the highest.
A New York belle met with sad loss
while returning from q summer resort
the other day. BY ysome means her diary
containing the names of all the gentle
men she had become engaged to, drop
ped out of the car window. and now she
cant tell which Of her mail friends have
3 right to kiss her.
: Between Fashionables.@ THAT infer.
nal tailor OF mine has disappointed me
again, confound him! / wish | could
find someway of furnishing the fellow "
"Pll attend to thathe shall be pun
ished adequately fearful revenge.
He shall be ruined!' "Howp" II will
transfer my custom to him." n
A mountain mule standing near a
magazine Of giant powder when it ex-,
ploded was hurled end over end seven
ty-five feet to the bottom of the dump
pile on which, he stood. !, When the
smoke cleared away he stood quietly
picking the bunch grass, not in the least
disturbed. He had lifted people like
that himself, and knew how twas done.
sWhata man your father isr' ex-
claimed Mrs. Homespun, looking up
from the letter she held in her hand.
He says he has bought French clock,
and shall bring it home with him. What
will it be good for except as an orna-
mentp None of us can tell the time by
it. unless you can, Edith. You know
something about French, don't you?"
Al get-up-and-go-out-in-the country-to
work-and~giv young -women-a-chance-
to.earn-a-living society is mentioned as
the most aesthetic association that the
young men of this city could organize
There are not enough good husbands to
supply the increasing feminine army,
and something must be done for the