The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-01-17
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Wednesday, Jan. IL, 1883,
COMIC COMMENTS.

Postal arrangements: Does the night
mail go by the bed post !?
The poorest of al poor relations-tell-
ing good story badly.
Market News: good cocoauut is
meaty, but falling star is meteor.
Fast girls: Although girl may be
fast, size won't do to tie to.-R2sto7 Star
Rare: Few women are blessed with
the gift of occasional silence. = Boston Star.
Commercial: Many dry time in bus
mess is helped out by heavy due Lo'7eH
Courier.
Fashion note: bunion is spoken of
as a nobby thing in how cut shoes. Nee
Orleans Picdyune
-" Raindrops ON the roof OF course
it drops on the roof That's what the roof
is for Cincinnati Saturday MINT.
Comparisons Massachusetts has more
letters in it than Mississippi, but The hitter
is the longer word-a miss is MS good as
mile.
Useless The ubiquitous sign, Post
no Bills" has never deferred ones tailor
from firing his missives at you through the
mails
Cant be proved: You may consider
yourself much better than somebody else,
but you can't prove it to his satisfaction,
anyhow.-N. y. World
Never blows: The man with a wax
nose may not be excessively modest, but he
knows that destruction will follow the blow
ing of his own horn.
The symptoms Julia Ward Howe
says women do not fall in love any more
Perhaps, not, but they continue to have all
the symptoms Boston Post.
Amateur Gardener" wants to know the
easiest way to make dollhouse. Leave
box of matches where the baby can play
with them. Marathon Independent.
"A certainty When man prefaces
his conversation with, Now, ] know this
isn't any of my business, y you may be pref
ty sure that it isu't- Cincinnati Saturday
Ngdt.
viii power: Somebody once said
Nothing is impossible to him who Wills"
We would like to SEE thai chap build bar
rel around bungbole.--N, r. Commercial
Ao0e7'tiser.
-Exalting; Travelling on a Mississippi
steamboat is apt to make even the humblest
vain. When the boiler explodes all the pas
sengers are uplifted. Phi,adelphia Ghron-
iele-Herdld
Not Epough: 'iliere are some men in
politics who onght 70 be set TO work to re-
wise the Deealogue. They would have a
great many more than ten commandments
when they got through
Lost their Profit: The men of Tar
shish could not have made much out of the
voyage in which Jonah accompanied them,
tor they were Obliged to throw the prophet
3 overheard. =. Boston Courier.
"A Presentation: A Jersey milkman
turned pale when several Of his customers
dubbed together and made him present of
a scarf pin in the shape of pump II was
cow-herdly act.--N. Y. Commercial Adj
certisor. &
early RISING Archbishop Whateiy
was one day asked if he rose early. He re-
Piled that once he did, but he was SO proud
all the morning and 50 sleepy ali the after
noon, that he determ ned never to do il
again.
Had his Ticket; A Goldfish was recently
caught ON Georges Banks, and inside him
was found wallet containing horse-car
ticket. As the ticket had been punched ii
was of course no further use to the fish =
Roekload Courier
Escaped Bridegrooms Bridegrooms
who fnil TO attend tho wedding have been
numerous Of latehf the Northwest When
ever stranger is seen with steer-caught-
in-the-corn expression he may be set down
as n Northwestern escaped bridegroom.
louisville Copriey,JouHaL
-Sigual service news: II was at the
breakfast table. Mrs. Yerger, who WINS
reading the Austin morning paper, said /:
In st. Louis a irst-rate meal was cooked
by electricity g so the meal was well
cooked by lightning That's more than !
can, get in this house, by thunder" retorted
Colonel Yerger Mrs. Yerger's eyes flashed
and there was cloud upon her brow
Colonel Yerger thought he was going to
catch hail, bui il blew over. : 9saas SIT
fngs.
"A long stay Colonel Percy Yerger
was complaining conhdentially to Hostettel
McGinnis of the frequency with which his
mother-in-law paid HIM visits--that she
came to see him four or five times a year
My wife's mother" responded MeGinnis
has visited me only once in the last five or
six years. The last time SHE. came 10 zee me
was when | was first married, Ave years
ago" "Lucky man! When is she going
TO visit yon again n =" How can / tell ?"
She has not got through with her first visit
yet-but can't see where the luck comes
in."-T'erds Syttn9s
"A model husband Father" he sun.
denly remarked as he looked up into the
paternal face, "you are awful good to ma"
Am II Well, hope ! treat her as a hus.
band should devoted wife" I" And it's all
over town how liberal You are to her."
How what do you mean :" "Why, ]
heard three or four men OH the car say thai
all You had in the world was il her name -
y =
next time You hear people lying about me
don't listen TO what they say ~ Wan Street
Noes
American politeness. can American, y
says an exchange. may not be so elegant
at dinner party, bnt he will not ride half a
day in a railway car without speaking to tho
fellow passenger ut his elbow, as the Eng.
lishinan viii No. INDEED be willnot; fore
George he will rot. How often, oh how
often, have we wished that he would BIT
he won't. He win pounce upon a strange,
whom lac has never seen before in all his
life and talk him deaf. dumb and blind ia
fifty miles. Catch an American holding his
mouth STINT when he has chance to talk to
some man who doesn't want TO be talked 70.
--Bnr6naton Ho,ekeye
49,
DANGEROUS ERROR Just down the inter
vale. where the brake ferns grow rank. sh,