Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1883-01-05
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

tail.
The latest thing in cradles-The new
baby.
Years are like tigers. They always
come with a spring.
Definition of soldier of fortune-A
soldier who has none.
When man wants to step on the
scales he gets aweigh.
We admire spirited animals, but de-
liver us from a wildly enthusiastic
mule
The rising young man of the future
is one who will be willing to jump up
and build the morning fires.
There are a good many desolate and
uncomfortable things in this world, but
plug hat in a snow storm strikes us
as about the climax.
The operators in mythical mines are
always willing to let you in ; but there
is quite difference between letting
you in and letting you win.
What is the difference between a
glass half full of water and broken
engagement ?''-One is not filled full,
and the other is not fulfilled.
With exceptional truthfulness a
quack doctor begins his advertisement:
81 offer my valuable services to all who
are so unfortunate as to require them. .
Life must be perfect desert to the
women Of Salt Lake. What can they
talk about? There's absolutely nothing
dalous.
Said farmer, who was given to long
drinks, to brother agriculturist
"What breed of cattle would you advise
me to adopt?" "Short horns" was the
significant reply.
-Four daughters of Kentucky farm
er eloped in one night, each couple
taking a different road, and it drove
the old man about crazy TO decide
which party to pursue.
Dong Tong is the name of very
successful Chinese artist at Chicago
lie has painted the picture of man
and dog, and you can tell which is
the man and which is the dog almost at
a glance.
Julia, my little cherub, when does
your sister Emma return?" 81 don't
know" Didn't she say anything be
fore she went away2" "She said, il
you came to see her, she'd be gone til
doomsday.'
One gaeat unpleasantness attending
a mans getting married is his utteI
insignificance on the occasion. Tn,
bride is the object of attention as th'
star performer of the show, and he i
regarded merely as a necessary pro
perty.
An exchange asks in bold head lines
"Why do woman work ?" Well, SOM
women work because they enjoy it, ant
others because their husbands are bus,
in politics and the woman Of the hous
is obliged to hustle around and earl
their daily bread.
One day toward nightfall, and in un
certain light, man bought an over
coat of pretented plum color. Tn
next morning it proved to be of quit
too unmistakeable green. Returning
it to the shopkeeper, that worth.
regarded the buyer calmly and said
"You must have little patience wit
it, my dear sir; it isn't ripe yet"
They had only been married shor
time. The other day she slung he
arm around him, and warbled, in a low
tremulous voice: Do you realize
Adolphus, that now we are married
we are only one2" NO" replied tn
brute II can't realize it. have jus
paid a SIS millinery bill, and lot NOR
of your bills, with several outside prt
cincts to hear from, so am beginnin
to realize that, as far as expense goe
instead of being one, we are about hal
dozen. ] can't take in that idea {
our being one just yet, not by a larg
majority.
81 tell you what it is, fellahs,
yawned Adolphus. I'm making a
awful commotion among the girl
Only wanted little fun, yer know, bu
deuced if they arn't all falling in lov
with me. Pom honor, l believe II
getting into hot water, yer know" I'D
you?" said one of the girls VIII
CHANGED to overhear "well, perhaps
win have the same effect upon you as
does upon the lobster" Il say, Ma
tha," exclaimed Adolphus, turnin
about, you're deucedly sharp, ye
know, but blamed if l know whs
you're driving at now" "0h, nothing,
replied Martha "only Holsters, 20
know, are green till they get into he
water"