The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-03-20
Cures By Electricity,

"Why don't you take some stock in
the new electric light company" said
an aged man, as they stood up to bar
taking drink.
Not none" said the middle aged
man, as he stirred the beverage with a
spoon, and swallowed it-not the spoon
but the beverage. There's too much
electricity, l tell you, and don't know
where the electricity craze is going to
end. We send messages by electricity,
talk by it, our streets and houses are to
be lighted by it, and now they have got
to using it to cure diseases with. Why,
do you know, they advertise to cure
everything with electricity. You know
my wife? Well, she thinks she has
every disease under the sun, and she is
walking galvanic battery. I dare
not touch her unless | touch gas pipe
or some iron substance first, or spark
will fly from my hands and startle me.
You haven't seen her lately, ehp Well
she looks twice as big as she ever did
before, but she is poor from carrying
around electric belts and pads. First,
she saw an advertisement in Chicago
paper of an electric belt, and she
wouldn't be satisfied till got her one,
and to keep peace in the family | took
her measure down to Chicago and got
belt, and she put it on and said she
felt better. Then she wanted pair of
electric insoles for her shoes, and | got
them. Then she wanted an electric
supporter, and thought it would be a
good way to support her, and l got one
for her. Then she wanted an electric
stomach and liver brace, and l got that
Thought she was pretty well protected
against the majority of the diseases the
human family is subjected to, but she
saw some more pictures of electric ap-
planes in the paper, and | had to buy
her some back pads, and breast collars,
and electric stockings, and she will
want the rest of the harness, including
a surcingle and headstall. Why, John,
honestly, / will give you leave to shoot
at my wife with shot gun loaded with
fine shot, for five cents a shot, and
will give you dollar for every shot
that touches her person. She is envel-
oped in perfect coat Of electric mail,
and she isn't very well yet Oh, for
got the knee pads and hair crimpers.
expect she will want a telephone line
next, and tower with an electric light
of four hundred candle power. Well,
don't know as this electric business in
my family does any good, but it is q
great saving on pills and things. Be-
fore she struck this electric fake it was
cold day when the drug mans hand
cart did not stop at my house, but now
all she buys at drug stores is porous
plasters and perfume. Why, she used
TO have regular time card hung up in
her room for taking medicine, and il
required the brain of chief Justice to
prevent getting the different kinds of
medicine in at the wrong times. have
seen her take seven different kinds of
little white pills in half day, and
never miss apill, or get the wrong kind,
and every pill looked just alike, and
there was no taste or smell TO any of
them 1t was great strain on her
mind, and may be this electricity is
doing her good in resting her intellect.
AL you have to do is to buckle on the
magnetic corset or surcingle, and it goes
right to work at the drop of the hat,
ana The same one is good for child in
arms or veteran hundred years old.
There Is no doubt in my mind that sci
ence has simplifed things wonderfully,
and If my wife is not cured it will not
be her fault But no electric light stock
for me. If ] should carry home block
OF electric light stock my wife would
buckle II onto herself somewhere, and
swear she experienced great relief. But
1 viii have TO 90, rs heard Of an cleo
trio bunion persuader and corn annihi-
lator man is selling down on the
South side, and my wife wants one.
ood-day.-PCch'S Sun