Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-09-04
BRIGHT BITS.


y MEIER SHAM plpe-crOcOdIle tears.
THE SILENT MAN''-the man who was
talked to death Indianapolis SattTd0y
HeTald.
IN the far West a man adyertises for a
woman Ito wash. iron and milk one or
two cows" What does he want his COWS
washed and irOned fOr:-Otd City Derrick.
WOMEN whose husbands are addicted
to the ungentlemanly habit Of snoring
will be pleased to learn that prussic acid
is a sure cure.-Nelr York Morning Jour
nal.
WHIPPLE, the essayist, defines poetry
as 1.-THE protest Of genius against the real
ity OF life" When poet gets kicked out
the editors sanctum it is the protest Of
the reality Of life against cenius.-Lo'reN
Citizen.
HERE is another point in favor Of the
| Darwinian theory: There i a boy in
NOrristOwn who ''sprang from a monkey"
The monkey belonged to an organ grinder.
/ and attempted to bite the bOy.-AOrriS-
torn Herdid.
THERE are two things remarked a
shrewd old lady. (which. no matter how
YOU look, the world will never dispute
YOU on. one is putting your age up high,
and the other Is setting your capacity
down low. II Transcript.
THE EAGLE feels best when at a height
Of twelve thousand feet above the earth,
while the minute you get a man on the
roof Of a hOrse-blOck his knees begin to
weaken and he can't remember a word
beyond "FellOw citizens. '-NdB francisco
Netrs Letter.
TWO of the star route jurors have begun
building new bouses. This paragraph is
in itself as innocent as anything YOU can
find in this guileless column. but of the
150 O00 paOpla vyho road tho HqgrEoyf1 a II
but two will say "Ah ha" with circum-
tlex accent on the ''ha BurliHqtOR
HGlrkege.
\ MONTANA BELLE. SAYS the Bismarck
Tribune. being asked by Bismarck man
if they possessed any culture out her way,
replied: Culture: You bet your varie-
gated socks We do, We KIN sling more
culture to the square foot IN Helena than
they kin in any camp in America. Gull
ture: Oh, loosen my cOrsets till l smile!"
\ MAssACHUsETT MINISTER, rather at
a loss for some fitting eulOgy 10 pronounce
at the funeral Of a poor, shIftleSs, rum
drinking legal practitioner in his town. at
last boldly affirmed that "Our worthy de-
parted brother Won and held the first
place at the local bar for many years"
The statement was not BUTiiHg-
tan Free Press.
\ CINCINNATI JOU RNALIST has discOV-
cred that Fanny Mills, aged twenty-five.
Of that State, ''wears the largest shoe on
EARTH" If the journalist is not labOring
under the impression that Miss Mills
father wears the heaviest boots on earth,
it is because he was not at home when the
Cincinnati journalist was prosecuting his
nvestigatiOns.-NOr FiStOlrH Herald.
\ FRIEND Of mine who dabbles in stocks
walked into well-known banking house
the other day, and created considerable
excitement by remarking: Il got pretty
good thing last winter. 1t was 81 then,
and to-day it stands at So ''Wel,
should say sO!' exclaimed the senior
partner. But what was it, at was a
thermometer" replied my friend.-BOStOa
Times.
"WHAT station did you say this was:"
inquired a passenger Of a gruf brake
man. ''Pigstv,' grOwled the polite en-
plOye, who was mad because his first was
not distinct enough to be understood.
"Ah," smiled the traveller, then you
must feel perfectly at home here" The
brakeman slammed the door from the
outside and then bit of piece Of the
IRON railing.-Drdee'S UdGGziHe.
TRUE LIBERALITY: The old man Jones
was rubbing his hands and smiling all
over as he met Brown the other day, and
the latter felt compelled TO inquire: HAS
your silver mine turned out a bOnanZa:"
4" Haven't heard from it in four weeks"
You look as pleased as if you had
thousand tons of ore in sight" "Oh. no:
I have just been giving away $50, 900
worth of stock Not giving it away!'
Yes, sir; didn't cost the recipients
penny" ''Well. what kind of a way is
that to run a silver mine?" "Oh. don't
you worry, BrOwn-nOt a bit. We've got
to have some shares out in order to make
an assessment, and next week we shall
call for seventy cents on the dollar in
order to meet the expenses Of survey and
machinery. Don't you worry about me,
Mr. Brown - Val Street NelcS.