Smyrna times., 1883-09-26
A Smile for All.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS

PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.
"Of what complaint did your father
died? The jury found him guilty"
was the modest answer.
Jenny Lind is 60 years old, but she
doesn't "sing like sixty" ms much as
she did thirty years ago. -NOrristo'oH
Herald.
1t is queer country which permits
woman to wear straw bonnet IN
Winter and frowns down the man who
wears straw hat.
The average citizens content to have
for his bosom friend II washerwoman
who knows how to starch shirts
Burlington Free Press.
The poet who wrote "the child is
father to the man" was somewhat dis
concerted when practical friend |
asked him how the case would be in |
the event of the child being girl.
So many people are dying in all |
of the country just now at the adj
vanced age Of 100 years that man
under 50 feels kind Of bashful about
going into barber shop.-B"HihgtOn
HdUkeye.
The wife of one of the candidates in
Ohio is collecting for her scrap book
| the press notices of her husband which
have appeared since his nomination.
He is afraid there is divorce suit pen
ding somewhere.
81 swear" said gentleman to his
lady-love, "you are very handsome"
Z" Pooh ~ said the lady, 50 you would
say if you did not think So" And so
YOU would think" answered he,
Though 1 should not say So"
There are 500 to 800 girls in New
York who are typewriters, stenograph
ers or copyists. They form, it is said,
next to teachers and ranked with tele-
| graphers, the most refined and well
| educated class of working women.
An unfortunate love of liquor has
cut off a Georgia negro woman at the
age of III. Poor young thing. Where
were our temperance workers That
they did not rush in and save her from
the downward path.-HarttOrd Post
A young man who went to the war
began his first letter to his sweetheart
! AFTER v
Whenever am tempted to do wrong l
think of you and say, Get thee behind
me, Saten.' "-NeW York Independent.
A big Yankee from Maine. on paying
bis bill in "a restaurant. was told that
the SUM put down didn't include the
waiter. Wall" he roared, didn't
eat the waiter, did -" He looked as
if he could though, and there was no
further discussion.
i A young gentleman was passing an
examination in physics. lie was asked
l "What planets were known to the
r ancients ?" "Well, sir" he responded
; "there were Venus and Jupiter, and
latter pause 81 think the earth, but
= I'm not quite certain"
Pull down your umbrellas. You'll
a scare this engine off the line !!
# screamed the engineer on the Western
North Carolina road to a crowd 0
a country people who had gathered t.
!. u see the first train come in. They Wer,
e all lowered at once.
higgins never loses his gallantry
When he came home hOw-came-you-s'
!. the other night, and Mrs. b. told hin
n she was ashamed of him, higgins re
:, piled Better my wife (hic) should b
:" ashamed of me (hic), than that shoul
be ashamed of my wife. "-BOstO
: Transcript.
n In addressing Sunday school
while ago, a speaker said to the boys
always be kind to your little sister
Now, never had little sister, and
] l. L., H., e.
lows sister; but she had a crnel fathC
and he hurt me helping me off TIL
front steps:
A woman who wanted to keep u
appearances was often thwarted by he
innocent and matter-Of-fact daughte
One day, when visitor was present ;
the taDle, the hostess said to he
daughter: where are all of OF
knives ?" Here they are both
: them ~ was the astounding reply.
I A vigorous old fellow in Maine VIII
!. had lately buried his fourth wife WI
S accOsted by an acquaintance, who u
l. aware of his bereavement, asked, "Ho
d is your wife, Captain PlowjOgger
o To which the captain replied, with
. grave face: Wall, to tell We Il
4 trewth, I'm kinder out O. wives ju
IS meow.
: About three weeks ago young m;
4 from Chicago went up to Dubuque al
,e married a rather elderly young g
ID for her money. He got it, but W
10 rather disappointed when he found
y was all in One-dollar bills and he cou
n count it all over in twentY.eight sc
10 ho1 =
10 tended starting a wholesale groce
ur out in Kansas City after his marrias
- AS it is, owing to circumstances it
IL unnecessary to make public, he renal
nd in Dubuque and has accepted stu
od ton.
Oh A renowned clergyman preach
M rather q long sermon from the tie
Of "ThOu art weighed ia the balance q
nd found wanting" After the congree
ton had listened about an hour sol
began to get weary and went oil
others soon followed greatly to the q
noyance of the minister. Another p
son started, whereupon the pars
n. stopped in his sermon and sal
"That's right, gentlemen as fast
you are weighed pass OutW He CT
AE tinued his sermon at some length af
- that, but no one disturbed him
leaving.
How TO CAN FRUIT.-Glass a
stone jars are the only kind to use
the acids of fruit will not be health
if preserved in finland they can
, purchased very cheaply. Nearly
the fruits retain their flavor better
they are steamed instead of stewed
they are not so much broken up,
Dr. 4 pounds of fruit take one pound
lin lump sugar, as it is less subject
""1 adulterateration. Fill the jars witt
two inches of the top with the fri
melt the sugar in very little wa
and turn it boiling hot upon the fri
place the jars in pan of boiling wa
and let them steam about ten mimi
or until the fruit, by expulsion of
cold air, has been forced to the tor
the jar; put the cover on at once, "
cloth, so as not to burn your har
and screw it down tightly while
boiling water; set the jars on the ia
to cool, and if any bubbles appear
them take off the covers and boil az
until the fruit is again forced upwal
Fruit canned in this manner will k
lip is its flavor perfectly.