Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-11-15
WIT AND HUMOR

enough 10 be able TO cut him out.
Ruskin says no couple should marry
until they have courted seven years.
This would lead one TO think that Rus
Kin runs g soda-fountain.
Mrs. Homespun, who has horrible
time every morning TO get her young
brood out of their beds. says she cannot
understand why children are called the
rising generation.
please to give me something, sir?'
says an old woman. II had blind
child; he was my only means Of sub
sistence, and the poor boy has recover
ed his sight,
1t is estimated that there are about
$500, 900 stammerers in the world.
This, we presume, does not include the
young men who only stammer when
they attempt to pop the question.
Eyes, said the man, its just my
luck | ordered that lawn mower 10
run early in the morning, TO rouse the
stutling out Of that neighbor Of mine,
and drat me if they didn't send one Of
the new noiseless kind "
An Altoona man claims TO have seen
a veritable 1Oop snake near that place
1t is strongly suspected that he devoted
considerable time TO inspecting the con
tents Of the barrel before he saw the
"hoop. -AorristoUH Hcrald.
Digby has been working hard at Ital-
ian all winter, and resolves 10 try lit
tie on a newly arrived cmigrant; Par
late ItaljamO, signor2' Emigrant-
"Arrah! Now what are We giyin' us2"
life
A Syracuse woman has been dream
ing of seeing q hen walk % fence, and
now what boluers her is she cant re-
member whether it's q sign that next
winter viii be a mild one, OF that there
will be death in the family. -Sgra-
cuSe Hayu'H
An Iowa man asserts that the ground
freezes 10 suea a depth in Dakota that
il never thaws out, and that any one
who will sink well can always have a
supply Of ice water. Satan bushes
clear up To- the roots Of his horns when
such "a liag rs this turns himself loose.
--Bismuck Tribune.
1t is all well enough to attempt to
cheer us up by saying that fortune
krocls nc least once at every mans
door. We all know that the stranger !
Is pretty sure 10 make her call when we !
are SO far away that we couldn't hear
her bnock if she battered the door down |
with a ciaD
A condemned murderer in Boston re- |
ceiyed much sympathy from a number
OF ladies, who daily brought him flow |
ers and various delcacics. But ono day |
he was detected picking his teeth with !
a jack-knIfe, aud his fair spmp&thiz-
ers deserted him and left HIM to his
fate,
a New York man has compiled one
thousand samples of poetry from
autograph albums Unless ho receives
$1,000 me threatens to publish them
Here; Won have TO borrow the money, |
but wen head that subscription with |
$500 The wretch may have u ''stan-
~ of our own.
Three persons have sued Rochester
paper for libel, claiming 100000 in
each case, Almost any editor can put
his hand in his pocket and fork over
$500 GOO; but he won DO IT, He pre- |
fers to let the law take lis course, and |
cut down the sum TO 6 cents Editors |
are just that mean. -A0rrtstowH Heratd !
ESpliria Scene An humble coun-
try hotel Male guest: I'D like to be |
called at 4 tomorrow morning; 4 m 60 !
ing fishing Female domestic (stu-
pidlD "Eb?' Male guest (delber-
utvly1. "Im going fishing tomorrow
morning. and | wish TO be called early,
not later than 4. ~ Female domestic
(slohdly) "Wiu You rjng2'
The editor OF q Village newspaper
near tho city wrote oi % young gentle
man who sung in the choir that he was
among ,he best Of their amateur singers,
and he was mortified 90 see 10 appear in
his paper, one Of the best OF our ANA
tour sluggnrs" lie ha9 Como fishing
until b. blow, over CEcNU3G Sdi'3-
dan N}iL
Marx Twain has celebrated bis three
ch.drcu's birthdays recently by three
granite Watering troughs, inscribed
with their names, along much travel
ga road. near Elmjrl. New York, In
future days. when his dry jokes have
ceased 10 please or 10 be remembered,
these mojs; ones win give pleasure TO
.man aud beast
When Won see Young man standing
in iron If an ice cream saloon alone in
the evening, DO NOT 20 So far rs 10 de-
eide Chat be has given bis girl his last
10 cents, and is waiting on the outside
while she eats it up One should not
hastily condemn on circumstantial evil
deuce mo- matter how strong il may be.
-LotCeR Citizen
Will WASH.
married w> wife Tor her beauty;
She married me for my wit.
That ! got The best OF the bargain
I'm candid enough 20 admit.
Wit often Subsidies into drivel,
Ttat "beaut soon fades is all b0sh;
AIv wife is to-day 40 the wosh-tub,
$50 I'm certain that beauty will wash.
Bn6a.3 AcrS.
Complimentary What sortcr pictur'
80 you call thata' asked an Arkansas
farmer. pointing 70 . terra Gotta bust
OF Charles DjckenS. "That is a bust of
Charles Dickens Intended % ook
Ike him, amt ill., "Oh, yesr' "WalL