The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-01-05
HUMOR.
MANAGING.

MANAGING.
Adolphus, tust from College homo
il telling over what he learned;
How In the classics he can roam,
How much of science has discerned
| And now I'm through, have won degree,
And really think were 70 bring
Ny mind To boar, concluded nc,
That could manage anything.
| His father spoke, I'm voice and face
Sarcasm seemed to slightly lurk.
Il surely hope, If that's the case,
You'll manage, Doph, to get to work
A oNE-sIDED affair-Printers' copy.
A MODEL Mantle pattern maker.
WHEN rich Chinaman wants
| he buys one. Rich men in China ap
pear to have just IA many privileges AZ
widowers in America.
MANY a man who snarls and growls
Mt his wife in public is very loving and
tender when no one else is around. He
has to be.-Philadelphid Neics
A JuRYMAN was asked if the Judge
had charged him: Faith" said he,
"the man lectured us a good deal, but
don't believe he meant to charge for 1T.
UPON writer exclaiming that his
works contained much "food for
thought" friend remarked: "That
may be so but it is wretchedly cooked"
A TENNESSEE woman has trained
dog to drink beer and chew tobacco.
| Now you will see that women will never
marry. She has no use tor a man around
the house.-N Y. Mercury.
ENGLAND has statistics showing that
out of 1879, l43 of her people engaged in
| literary pursuits only twelve became
| lunatics. We presume the others were
given the benefit of the doubt and
called poets.
A GOOD old Quaker lady, after listen
ing to the extravagant yarn of n person
as long as her patience would allow, said
to him: Friend, what pity it is sin
to lie, when it seems so necessary to
your happiness!"
II takes from twelve to fifteen yards
of cloth to make woman a dress, and
yet a man can make two pairs of trows-
ers out of less than that. and have one
pair with trail to each leg large
enough to pull up over his back and tie
around his throat for necktie.-Phid-
ddelphid Herald.
ABOUT 600 years age country editor
started a joke about a printer who made
mistake in setting up piece of copy.
The next week the editor tried TO set up
three-line editorial, and the proof
looked like Alexandria after the bonn
bardment, or q rubber overshoe after
three years service.
otis poor rule that does not work
both ways. | was at dinner party,
when glass of wine was spilled on the
table. Henry Meier put some salt on it
and no one said a word. Subsequently
the salt-dish was capsiZed and l poured
glass Of wine on it, whereupon / came
near being thrown out of the house."
"WHY do women so often wander
aimlessly in the murky solitudes of the
dead past brooding over days forever
gomez" asks a correspondent, and we
give it up, unless it he that she hopes
by ransacking the dead past to find
that in the wardrobe of the aforesaid
dead past she may find something suita-
bic to work up into rag carpet.-BU
Nye.
A DAY or two ago a passenger on a
milk train that. had been detained some
time on a siding approached the con-
ductor and accosted him: waiting for
a blacksmith, conductors" he asked in
confidential whisper. No" growled
the functionary, "what 10 we want of
blacksmith 2" 81 don't know" replied
the passenger with sigh. IL thought
perhaps this COW had cast shoel"-
brakes Travellers Magazine.
THE pastors little girl, three years
old, had been running up and down the
room for some time, when she suddenly
tumbled down. Papa looked up from
his book, expecting her accustomed yell,
when, to his surprise, she repeated in
her indescribably droll manner the
golden text of the preceding Sundy,
God is the Judge; he putteth down one
and setteth up another" Years have
passed. but her drollery is still the life
OF the parsonage.
THERE had been n heavy thunder
storm the night previous, and the school
teacher asked little Johnny: "Were
you not frightened, Johnny, Mt the
thunder and lightning last night?"
mo, sir; not bit That's right,
Johnny. You are good little Sunday
school boy. You know who causes the
storm, don't you. johnny" Eyes, sir;
my grandfather" Your grandfather
Why, Johnny, | am shocked at YOU.
God makes the thunder and lightning
and the storm" MAY be SO; but the
day before the storm came up my old
grandfather said he felt tin his bones"
-Ie,roS Si6iu0s