The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-02-10
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

An exchange contains an article on
"Young Women Who Die Early This
frequently occurs; but the case of old
women who die early are very few in
deed. -Norristown Herald.
The census states that there are in
Chicago "7,078 stores, 6,971 factories,
and 9sS mixed establishments Now
you can understand how so many people
get "mixed when they 60 to Chicago
Burli17ton HaDk-Eye.
AS matters are going in this coun-
try just now, we think seriously of OBJ
tanning pensions for the chairs of our
Office, as many of them have lost leg
in the service -Lo,0eU Citizen.
A minister who was speaking about
Heaven said "No feeble idom OF earth
can describe or portray the beauties OF
that place" He was ready to scalp re-
sentence mo feeble idiot of earth"
etc.
"A Gallant Reply.-Miss Lucy Stop
ping opposite fireplace) Here's where
you and | are to sit, Major" The
Majority Jovc.-a-rather warm
place" Miss Lucy-''What! you
major, and can't stand firep'' The
Major-"Not at my back, you know,
Miss Lucy Punch.
Visitor from the country, who has
been "doing" the sights Of London,
when asked what he thought of the
cathedral nave, said: "What! the fellow
who took the shillingsP | didn't know
you called things SO exactly by their
proper names in London!'
"A party of young men dined sumpt-
uollsly at restaurant and each one in
sisted on paying the bill. To decide the
matter it was proposed to blindfold the
waiter, and the first one he caught
should pay the bill. He hasn't caught
any of them yet Chicago Herald.
"A lecturer once prefaced his dis
course upon the rhinoceros with: Il
must beg you to give me your undivided
attention. Indeed, it is absolutely i'm
possible that YOU can form true idea of
the hdeous animal of which we are
about to speak, unless you keep your
eyes fixed upon men'
TO 90 into statistics it is estimated
that during the year the average man
has said: ''How are yerp" 3,743 times;
''Is this hot enough for your and 'Is
this cold enough for your each All
times; pleasant day." 1918 times;
Looks like rain," 12,3259 times; other
meteorological remarks, not classified,
1856, 421 i, 107, 365, 792,001 times.-N. Y
Herald.
A gentleman who had been in town
only three days, but who had been pay
ing attention to a prominent belle,
wanted to propose but was afraid he
would be too hasty. He delicately
preached the subject as follows: ''If /
were to speak to you of marriage after
having only made your acquaintance
three days ago, what would you say to
itp" s'Well. should say never put of
till tomorrow that which you should
have done day before yesterday
"A Virginia preacher, who bought
mis- butter from his brother Paul, sent for
fresh supply for his Sunday dinner and
was in the midst of his sermon when his
negro servant returned and took his seat
in the church. The preacher had elo-
quently related what Matthew, Mark,
Luke and John had said in relation to
the subject matter of his text, and he
then said in laundering tones: ssAnd
what does Paul say?' The negro, think
ing the question addressed to him, re-
piled, in the hearing of the whole con-
congregation: ''Marse Paul says as how
you cam get any more butter till you've
paid for dat yc, got last week. IN O.
Ptcayuaae.