Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1883-01-17
NUMBER 1c.

Professor in psychology-.'Can we
conceive Of anything as being out Of
time and still occupying space!'' Medi.
cal student (thoughtfully)--'.Yes, cir;
. poor singer in chorus"
An intelligent farmer being asked II
his horses were we'll matched, replied:
Eyes; they are matched first-rate, ono
Of them is willing to do all the work,
and the other is willing that he should. "
The mean velocity OF gyration In 1
tornado is discovered to be ia metres
in second, but Blue Island avenue
girl waltzing can give it three laps and
beat it.
A Danville, KY. preacher 10 endeav.
oring to get up boom in the matri-
monial market by offering to marry
couples from the rural districts at two
bushels of corn per knot tied.
'Are churches practicable asks the
New York Tribune. Well, they seem
to be. They contrive to get money out
Of the tight-fisted old curmudgeons who
dodge the tax collector.
The Spencerian mode OF expression Is
very fashionable just now, and you
must not speak of person as lazy;
you must simply insinuate that he il
''conritutionally inert"
Said the rich and quiet-loving citi-
zen; iii man bores me and l don't
like him and want him to keep away
from me. | don't snub him. l just lond
him five dollars"
Feed Me With Your Eyes, is the
title OF new song. Rather light diet
for man who works sixteen hours q
day and amuses the baby the remain
der Of the time.
american women are dying of for
want OF exercise. Can ANYTHING be-
doner' asked an exchange. Yes; make
1t illegal 70 have more than one MILL.
merry store on one block.
The average American workman is
not much Of snob, but il he chances
10 invent some valuable piece of ma
chinery he Is apt to pay good deal of
attention to royalty"
Among the amusements in some of
the Paris salons is to bet upon the color
of the neckties, waistcoats, mustaches
and dresses of those entering the room.
One youth ia stated to hare lost four
hundred dollars on dark moustaches.
England has statistics showing that
out of 139. lab of her people engaged 10
literary pursuits only l: became luna
tics. We presume the Others were given
the benefit Of the doubt and called
poets.
A Vermont lawyer has printed q
book to prove that the world Is fifty
million years old, and there is no reasol,
why people shouldn't live a thousand
years. Probably they don't just out Of
sheer idleness.
An illiterate California millionaire
visited Europe. A travelled friend
asked him what he had seen, mention
ing all the noted sights; among other
places he inquired If he had seen the
Dardanelles. "Oh. yes" replied old
money bags; .'they dined with Us the
last night We were in PARISH
Police Commissioner Nichols has .
curious finger-ring with the ten COM
mandments engraved on it in such
small characters that they can only be
read with the aid of microscope. Peo-
pie who know him we'll are OF the cpin-
ion that he has lost his microscope.
The London Lancet says that the peo.
pie who sneeze often are healthiest. A
sneeze sets the blood circulating and
throws of cold which is trying TO set
tie. This medical opinion is evidently
made in the interest of snuff, and the
public is NOT yet up to it.
The counsel for the railroad company
has been settling with the widows Of
two guards who had been killed in the
company's service. ''Oh, sir" says one
widow, sit seems to me you could allow
rue moro than thatr' I'VE cannot.
madam. Your husband was guard, like
tE,, other. and he came to his death nm.
der similar circumstances; they were
both run over and instantly killed."
II know; but he was killed by the light
aing express. and the other man was
run over BY q way-freight!' Railpoy
ktat'.