The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1883-06-27
rael ana Fun.

ugly that he is afraid to sleep with
himself.
The cyclone 10 an escaped earth.
quake laboring under temporary
insanity.
The man who thinks he can
move the world should begin by
Wheeling, West Virginia.
A burglar being asked by a mag
istratc his occupation, facetiously
replied; "a hOuse.clcaner, your
Honor"
Young married men have ceased
to emigrate to Iowa. The State
produces more twins than any 9th.
cr in tho Union,
Every woman who wants 10 mar.
ry, goes in for protection. After
that she believes 10 free trado-at
tho dry goods store.
Every mans task is his life.pre.
server. The conviction that bis
work is dear to God, and caanot be
spared, defends him,
Can you find room for scribe
on your papor?" "Not unless You
want to subscribe" And again
was the scholarly youth crushed.
An exchange says: "There will
be no pronounced loud styles this
summer" Don't you believe it.
The style Of snoring will bo ms loud
as ever.
A 81. Louis man travelling on
the plains was assaulted by wolves,
but having a gas bill in his pocket,
he threw it among them and they
fed bowling.
II sometimes takes four horse
team to draw n man into virtue,
but no will slip into vice as easy
as if the whole pathway Of life was
strewn with bits Of orange peel.
A Texas editor said the other
day: ave had the pleasure of tax
ing a drink of beer with a Major
while in Houston the other day,
We paid for the beer"
Doctor: "Nyell, Pat, have you Ia.
ken the box of pills sent your
Pat: "Yes, sir, DO jabors, have
but I don't feel any better yet
maybe the lid hasn't come OF YET"
Cheerfulness is just as natural to
the heart Of the man in strong
health as color to his checks; and
and whenever there is habi.ual
gloom there must be either bad air,
or erring habits,
Heart culture is more to be dc.
sired than intellectual equipment,
but it is the discipline and train,
ing that develop both mind and
heart that make noble and con-,
plote manhood and womanhood.
The remains of a man with his
hands over both ears has been dis.
covered in the ruins of an old Ital,
ian town. 1t is supposed that the
building he was in was u hotel
headquarters for amateur cornet
players,
A Drpttv woman in n hardware
store announced that she wanted q
masher, when all the clerks made
a rush toward her to otIer them.
selves, but retired demoralized
when she calmly added "a potato
masher."
A German has invented a safe
which has an attachment that, on
being touched, Immediately flares
an electric light on the scene, aud
al the same time uncovers pro.
pared plate, on which the burglars
photograph is taken while an alarm
is sounded,
"0ne Of the Illusions" says En-.
ersou, is thai the present hour is
not the critical, decisive hour.
Write it on your heart that every
day is the bos! day in the year.
NJ man has learned anything
rightly until he knows that every
day is Doomsday."
We're sitting on the stilo, Mary,
where We SAT SO longago All, then
your hair was black as jet; but now
tits light as tow! IT'S thus the
chemists wizard art with changes
queer conCouEds US, and mocks
when memory brings the light Of
other days around US.
A two foot rule was given to a
laboror in a Clyde boat.yard to
measure an iron plate. The labor.
er, after much time, returned.
moo, Mick" asked tho plator,
"what size is the plato?" "Well,o
,n,,linh Mick with min nf III,