The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-03-09
WIT AND HuMoR.

nad and throwing small stones.
One of the leaders of the Delaware
Senate is DIR. Mustard. He draws well
and is reckoned very smart man.
The coming rage in hair is soft and
tender red, like that of tomato which
has grown old and past usefulness.
Life has no charms for the poor clerk
whose salary is mortgaged three months
ahead to pay for his wife's fur-lined cir
Cnlar.
One of the sweetest pictures of domes-
10 economy is a poet blacking white
stocking so that it won't show through
ne assure of his boot.
Enquirer is the precise mean
ing of the word intermittent" Did you
never try to flirt with woman in a
rocking chair at Window That's it.
Overheard in the cloak room. "Did
ahe marry wellP" "Yes indeed. He's
worth over million and drinks so hard
nat he never can go into society, so
ahe's not bothered with him."
A literary Vermonter who recently
tried the power of the human eye on
ferocious bull is recovering from his
wounds and bruises but has lost all faith
h such mesmerism.
He did not object to his daughter
joining musical society, but gently in
listed that authorizations were coarse
Philip Harmonic sounds much more
gently, my dear.
A Philadelphia man who wants to die
hut doesn't want to disgrace his friends
by committing suicide, has engaged a
ffth-story room in hotel, and is await
hg his fate.
Sloughterby says his wife hasn't done
very much shopping this Winter, al
though she did go down town the other
day to buys muff lust to keep her hand
A Syracuse young lady has peculiar
node of reckoning time nSunday. Last
Sunday evening, about 6 o'clock, when
asked what time it was, she replied:
'Five minutes of Smith"
'sThe Lord loveth cheerful giver."
but there's no use chucking a copper
cent into the contribution box so loud as
10 make the folks in the back seat think
he communion service has tumbled off
he altar.
A girl just returned to Hannibal, Mo-,
from Boston high school, said upon
seeing a fire engine atwork: "Who would
evan have dweamed such a ewy dimin-
ntive looking apawatus would hold so
much wattah!'
Wife-Can't you take me to the Blank
restaurant some evening, my dearp
Husband-No, darling, it is disreputa-
bic. Wife-Then, dear, why do you
bring home its marked napkins in your
pockets?
They have nice old lady in South
Boston of the genuine Partingtonian va
iety. She recently alluded to the ill
ness of a friend with, "You see he had
digestion of the lungs, and then it set
he'd"
Some genius has invented machine
TO play pianos. This will fill long-felt
want When two young people of OPP
posite sex are in the parlor in the even
ing, the old lady don't begin to saunter
IN until the piano stops.
A New York doctor says that small
feet signify quick temper and an evil
tongue. Now everybody will be staring
Mt his wife to see whether her feet are
large or small, and no matter which way
me verdict is she won't be pleased.
Earnest Spinster- ''Since you sympa-
thize SO much with the Blue Ribbon
army why don't you join us, Miss Mash
amp" Frivolous Ditto-''So would, only
thc ribbon is really such dreadful
hue!"
A fan, made of bank notes, was the
refreshing gift made to a Methodist
pastor at Newark, N. j., the other eve
ning. This method of raising the wind
should be adopted at all donation par
ties.
A composition who was puzzling over
ono of Horace Greclcy's manuscripts,
sagely and savagely observed: IF Bel
Shazzar had seen this handwriting on the
wall he would have been more terrified
han he was"
II do wish you would come home
carlier," said woman to her husband.
al am afraid to stay alone. always
imagine that there's somebody in the
house, but when you come I know there
amt"
AhCAO otO eVVhVy olOOho
hence when they meet there are ten tugs
II war. The Secretary of the Navy
should buy up those tugs Of war without
delay. and then we would have a navy.
Texas Syfings.
When aCalifornia man sees "no cards.
1t the end Of marriage notice of friend
he remarks that ''that girl has put some
II her pious notions into Jim's head but
he'll get over them after he has been
married awhile"
A 6-year-old boy at Belfast, Me-, has
very advanced ideas. He has dol
which he calls his wife. Recently he
was telling his wife his future plans and
remarked: by and bye shall become
Mason. and then you won't see me un.
II IL o'clock at night"
The young lady who made seven hun.
1red words out of conservatory" las,
fall, has cloped. We feel sorry for the
young man; it is bad enough where one
word. brings on another, but just think
IT one word bringing on seven hun.