Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
FUN

FUN
Some Civil Service Examination Papers.
SECTION III.~-Arithmetic and ALGEBRA
-(aj Subtract 10. (b) How much is per
cent : Explain the process. tc) Given,
IL intelligent men, taken from the District
OF Columbia (this is purely supposititlous
easel, and given, / honest lawyer, taken
from Chicago (even more suppositi tious
than the FIRST easel. and given. horse
thieves, with the stolen property found
concealed ABOUT their persons, what are
the eternal ends of justice going to do
about itr (d) Given, Tor borrowed-it
makes no difference which,, l dozen
lemons, 4 lbs. of sugar, a small quantity
of sundry spices, quarts of spring water,
lbs. of lee, and 8 bottles of claret. State.
LIST, the immediate result; I'd, the result
next day. How do you know? le) State
approximately in figures, carrying only as
far as quadrillions, the probable rise in
American morals if Troy should suddenly
cease to be. IL tAnother problem in
probabilities.) A certain person, whom
We will designate by the letters s. j. T.,
can stand on his right foot Blk minutes
with the aid Of two pairs of crutches and
q cane; with the aid of three pairs Of
crutehes, liver pad and hair restorer, he
can stand on his left foot eight minutes;
suppose at this juncture he loses both
lungs, half his money, and all his friends,
how much show will he stand for the Presi-
dencyp (gl Add and together, subtract
Q, and divide by 1. Let each step be clear
ly defined so that the examiners may
readily follow. (h) Make numerical
statement in dollars per year of your affec-
ton for the Good Old Party. Section
nship.-Compose an write,
oil inside Of ten minutes. seven poems like
Walt Whitman's best, and eight chapters
OF novel like E. P. Roe's This is not
literary test, but is simply to indicate the
rapidity with which you can move the pen.
tc) Gould you, if you sat up all night, be-
gin to write an adequate expression of
your regard for the Old, Old Party ? Who
could 7 Section V.-Belles Lettres Pa
Is anything duller than an English editor
except his readers? (b) Who novellzed
Daisy Miller? Who dramatizsd Daisy
Miller ? Who had better hereafter let
Daisy hiller alones tcl Explain the double
paradox A certain notorious ship Chand-
Ter knows nothing about ships, canno.
even tell boat when he sees one. and yet
Ia perfectly familiar with every species OF
craft known. (d) "a question in gram
mar Have you ever been able to decline
s5Y (e) Name one thing that has given
Boston place among American cities
one thing besides baked beans. (Yes
brown bread is rlght.) u Is it true that
when two Chicago girls meet in a narrow
street that they both take off their shose,
and then hnally go back around the block?
(c) How about the Old Party ?--Life.
CONDITIONAL CHARITY.-A few years
after the close of the war an emissary of u
Freedman s church came North on beg
ging expedition. He talked about, lee
tured and begged until he came to a cer-
tain church with but one want satisfied.
His chapel lacked baptismal font and for
this he urged, preached and prayed, vehe-
msntly and long. until at last somewhere
down in the audience a small. squea ky,
falsetto voice inquired
How much will it cost ?"
"Wby. very beautiful one could be
gotten for $780,
I'm give it,
What" said the surprised missionary,
who evidently was unused to such cheer
full givers, 'the whole amountp"
''Yes, the whole amount, two hundred
and fifty dollars
Let US return thanks"
Thanks were returned, and the meeting.
which had been held for this purpose
alone, was about to be dismissed when the
same squeaky voice piped out:
There's one condition attached to that
gift-one condition p
''Oh, certainly. sir !; anything you
pleasel''
You agree to it ?"
''Oh, certalnlee; as you say my dear sir.
What is it you wish ?"
Cracked but triumphant came the an
swer:
lone condition That every time you
baptize niger, you'll do it in boiling
water.'
GIRLs.-On this most interesting topic
We give the following pointers to our young
gentlemen readers:
A disagreeable girl-Annie Mostly.
A lighting gisl-Hittie Maginn.
Not Christian girl-Hettie Rodoxy.
A sweet girl-Carrie Mel.
A very pleasant girl-Jennie Rosity.
A sick girl-Amelia Ration.
A seedy girl-Cora Ander.
One Of the best girls-Ella CANT.
A clear case of girl-E Lucy Date.
A geometrical girl-Polly Gone.
A flower girl hoda Dendron.
A musical glrl--Sarah Made
A profound girl-Mettie Physics.
A star girl-Meta ORIG.
A clinging Rirl-Jessie Mine.
A nervous girl-Hester Ical.
A muscular girl-Annie Nation.
An uncertain girl-Eva Nescent.
A sad zirl-Ella G.
A serene girl-Mollie Fly.
A great big girl-Ellie Plant.
A warlike girl-Millie Tary.
The best girl Of all-Your own.
An old bachelor asserts that the best