Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-02-03
HIS PA BROKE UP.

| cracker under the faucet OF the syrup
key. and then sat down on a soap. box
by the stove and proceeded to make a
lunch. while the grocery man charged
the boys father with gallon of
syrup and a pound of crackers. .-
What do you mean, you profane
wretch talking about meeting me
later in hades,' said the indignant
grocery man. expect TO pass by
the hot place where you are sizzling,
and go to the realms of bliss, where
there is one continued round of hap
piness, and angels playing on golden
harps. and singing hymns of praise"
why, pa says | will surely go to
hell, and l thought you would prob
ably be there, as it cost something to
get to heaven, and you can get to the
other place for nothing. Say, you
would bo a healthy delegate to go to
heaven, with lot of good angels,
wouldn't you, smelling of IRONY but
ter, as you always do, and kerosene,
and herring, as you always do, and
bar soap, and cheese, and rotten po-
tatoes. Say, an angel wouldn't stay
on the same golden street with you.
without holding her handkerchief to
her nose, and you couldn't get in
there, anyway, cause you would
want to pay your entrance fee out of
| the store"
Say, you get out of here, condemn
you. You are getting sassy. There
is no one that is more free hearted
than am" said the grocery man.
90, give us a siestd. l am onto
you bigger than an elevator. When
they had the oyster sociablo at the
church, you gave four pounds of
musty crackers with worms in, and
they tasted of kerosene, and when the
minister prayed for those who had
generously contributed to the socl
able, you raised up your head as
though you wanted them all to know
he meant you. Ii man can get to
heaven on four pounds of musty
crackers, done up IN a paper that has
been around mackeral, then whats
the use of man being good, and
giving sixteen ounces to the pound
But, there, don't blush, and cry. l
will use my influence to get your feet
onto the golden streets of the New
Jerusalem, but you have got to quit
sending those small potatoes to our
house, with few big ones on top of
the basket I'll tell you how it was
that pa told me l would go to hell.
You see pa has been reading out of
an old back number Bible, and ma and
me argued with him about getting a
new revised edition. We told him
that the old one was all out of style,
and that all the neighbors had the
newest cut in Bibles, with dolman
sleeves, and gathered in the back,
and they put on style over us, and
we could not hold up our heads In
society when it was known that we
we're wearing the old last years
Bible. Pa kicked against it, but
finally got one. L thought l had as
much right to change things in the
revised Bible as the other fellows
had to change the old one, SO l past
ed some notices and patent medi
cine advertisements in it, after the
verses. Pa never reads a whole
chapter, but reads verse or two and
skips around. Before breakfast, the
other morning, pa got the new Bible
and started to read the ten COM
mandments, and some other thi ngs.
The first thing pa struck was, Verify
/ say unto you, try St Jacobs oil for
rheumatism Pa looked over his
specks at ma, and then looked at me,
but l had my face covered with my
hands, sort of pious Pa said he
didn't think it was just the thing to
put advertisements in the Bible, but
ma said she didn't know as it was any
worse than to have patent medicine
notice next to Beecher's sermon in
the religious paper. Pa sighed and
turned over a few leaves, and read,
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's
wife, nor his OK, if you love me as |
love you no knife can cut our love in
two THAT last part was motto
that l got out of paper of candy
Pa said that the sentiment was good,
but he didn't think that the revisers
had improved the old commandment
very much. Then pa turned over
and read Take little wine for the
stomach's sake, and keep bottle of
Reeds Gilt Edged tonic on your
side board, and you can defy mala-
ria, and chills and fever Pa was
hot. He looked at it again, and
noticed that the tonic commandment
was on yellow paper, and the corner
curled up, and pa took hold of it, and
the paste that stuck it on was not
good. and it come of, and when l saw
pa lay down the Bible. and put his
spectacles in the case, and reach for
the fire poker, 1 knew he was not go
ing to prayer, and l looked out the
window and yelled dog fight, and l
lit out, and pa followed me as far as
the sidewalk, and it was that morning
when it was SO slippery, and pas feet
slipped out from under him, and he
stood on his neck, and slid around on
his ear, and the special providence of
sleet on the sidewalk saved me. Say,
do you believe in special providence?
What was the use of that sleet on
the sidewalk, if it was not to save
sinners?"
90, don't know anything about
special providences," said the grocery
man, "but know you have got two
of your pockets filled with them bone
less raisins since you have been talk
ing, and my opinion is you will steal.
But, say, what is your pa on crutches
/ for2 I COO hin, hOhllipr doun this