Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-10-19
BORROWED WIT.


Z friend.
I High toned-The screech of a.
eagle.
A brewer understands how to kee1
still.
Surprised eyebrows are among th
new fashions. They are very becom
ing to maiden when she suddenl,
hears that the ice-cream has givei
out.
The worst case of pride on RECORD
was the Boston woman who dali,
painted the pale cheeks of her dyine
husband to make his complexion
match her pink wrapper.
YES" said the duellist, "he gave
me worse slur after we got on the
field than he did in provoking the
quarrel. He said. he should shoot al
my heart, and deliberately fired al
my boots."S -
"That prisoner has a very smooth
countenance." said the Judge to the
sheriff. "Yes," said the she-iff, .she
was ironed just before he was brough,
in.'
A scientist insists that a discord
struck violently on a piano will kill a
lizald. 1t may be, but one can't al
ways pick up piano so easily as be
can grab stick, which is Just as
good.
There is nothing SO charming as
the devotion shown by the wife OF
the period to her husband at the the
ater, when she is flirting with man
at the other side of the house.
A New Jersey organ factory turns
out one instrument every hour. And
yet we wonder at crime, and marvel
at the crowded condition of our in
sane asylums.
What is that big spot upon the
pavement? Is it butter? Oh no, NV
son, it is too young for butter. 1t is
the man whose wife would not let
him take off his winter flannel.
Genius having succeeded in max
ing steamboat out of paper, it
won't be long before an inventive
man will produce railroad eating
house beefsteak made of pastehoard.
The average young lady wants at
least four feet of a seat in street
car for ride of six blocks, but she
will ride half a day, on Sunday,
squeezed into buggy seat, beside
her young man, and not find the least
fault
Two women were recently seen
pricing gingham in a shop. One re-
marked to the other concerning the
label on the goods: See the Amer
lean eagle, and the motto, E pluribus
unum-that's the French for in time
of peace prepare for war;"
A curious person notes the pre-
dominence of dark haired bellies at
the watering place resorts, and asks
what has become of all the blooming
blondes. Brunettes are fashionable,
end all things are possible, it would
seem, with lovely women.
Just because an undertaker's SOB
began cOurting his daughter, Phil
adelpbia doctor lost all his patients.
The latter were afraid that the new
arrangement would compel him to
throw business into the hands of the
parent Of his daughters lover.
A subscription-book publisher says,
that out of thousand book agents
he only finds about ten who are
worth retaining after a months trial.
We suppose that the other $50 be-
come too much crippled to keep on
working.
An English psychological society
is discussing the question: Are An
gels ever Sleepyw If a young man
finds his "anger' yawning, about II
P. NJ. he may conclude that, if she
isn't sleepy. his company is not ap-
preciated.
A prominent merchant says, when
he is tired and wants rest, he don't
go on a tour and spend money, but
lie just takes his ad out of the
papers. 1t has the same effect as a
red flag hung in front of his place.
Il am saturated to the epidermis," !"
said the high school girl, throwing
her gum boots into the corner. Il
don't wonder at that, replied her
mother, ''they give you such hard
lessons at school"
My DEAR" said Rather, at the tea
table, looking up from his evening
paper, this French China trouble
looks serious" "Yes," answered
Mrs. r. Bridget broke the handle
off the sugar bowl today, but !
didn't think you would notice it so
soon
Down in Tama county, last week, a
cat was born with two heads. It is
lively and healthy, and can yowl with
one mouth and waul with the other.
If this breed of cats becomes com.
mon, it will just set the millennium
back about four thousand years.
A Chicago girl has set the fashion
of sending around notices to her
friends that she has given hef lover
the grand bounce. Any one who
wants second hand lover can then
prepare to claw him in.
behave like a gentleman, to-day
my son, all day, and I'll give you ST.
said a father to his 12-year-old
Trade, dad" said the boy, and he
went and got drunk. played poker
and tried to get up Irritation with
a chorus girl.
English society is all torn up ovel
the question, SHOULD ladies be per
mitted to be present during public
dinnerss" We don't see why they
shouldn't, provided, of course, they
leave the table before the dukes anC
lords begin to get tipsy.
When the editor proposed and was
accepted, he said to his sweetheart
Il would be glad if you would give
me kiss" then, observing her blush
he added: Not necessarily for pub
lication, but as a guarantee of gooG
faith" She could not resist that.
"Have you read Mr.. Whittier
poem, How the Women Went from
Dover?'" inquired one recently of