The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-01-26
Agony Music in Theatres.

Societies are being formed all over
tie East for the purpose of attending
theatres and teaching orchestras when
10 play aud when to let mp. Drchestras
are but human, and it does not seem to
US rs though they should be treated.
harshly; but there are times when an
audience is tempted to commit murder.
One thing that audiences will put a
stop 20, will be the s'slow agony bus
mess. that is, the playing of some trem-
bling, low tune, when two lovers are on
the stage talking it over. Ii there is a
scene where an actor and actress have
Il secret to reveal to each other, and the
audience is bending forward with the
most intense interest to catch every
word, the orchestra has to play low,
sweet sort of '.fngue,'' so half the dia-
logue is lost. In the Danites, when
Nancy Williams is telling Sandy how
the Mormons have killed all her family,
and are laying for her, to cut her open
with a scythe. the orchestra commences
low. gets excited with her terrible re-
cital, and before she gets through talk
ing every fiddler is playing for all that
is out, and the audience can only tell by
the movement of her pale lips, covered
with foam, whether she is telling the
story of her wrongs or has got hydro
phobia. In all plays where there is any
deep mystery. the orchestra gets in its
work just where it should be asleep.
Even in the jesse James play, where
Jesse rides up to hole in the scenery,
representing ticket Office to a fair
ground. and is seeming to be worrying
as to whether he will fall off his horse
or not, before be gets off the stage, and
the audience is wondering why the fell
low in the box Office does not hit Jesse
in the ear with a paper weight or a
prize turnip, instead of giving up the
cash box, when Jesse can't get his re-
volver out and hold his horse at the
same time, the orchestra plays dread
full air, and people yell to them to g dry
up" Another thing that annoys peo-
pie is to have the orchestra strike up
tune when the star is about to come On
and quit as soon as the star arrives.
No matter if the star is playing part
where he appears in the woods, forty
miles from any habitation, the orches-
ira has to ''play him on 1t is so nat
ural for a highway robber to go through
q piece of woods with band playing.
The societies that are being formed are
to be provided with small hand gre
nades or torpedoes, which they viii dis
charge from bean-shooters at the heads
of the men in the orchestra when they
play at an improper time. society
will consist of twelve persons, and they
will scatter around the theatre. When
the orchestra begins to play, where mu-
sic does not seem to be wanted the
Grand Duke of the society will raise his
hand TO his brow, which will be the
signal, and every member of the So
ciety viii aim his bean-shooter at the
bald head or ear of one of the orches-
ira, and when the second strain of the
{ Idle or piccolo is heard, every beam
looter will be turned loose, and the
chestra will hear something drop.
he torpedoes are not intended to draw
ood, but just to stop wind, and there
no doubt of the result. 1t may take
: reral shots to break up an orchestra
{ first time. but when they have once
learned that they are liable to be hurt
at any moment. they will quit playing
exc ept between drinks. We look for
mu h good to be done by the new or
che~tra-exterminating society Reck's
San