National Republican., 1883-08-29

| -NeW f0rk MoT1tng journal.
| The murderous reaper is almost daily fur
nishing items of local interest to the rural press
A WISE saw and modern instance 80
Twill Mr.. Courtney kindly fill out the rest Of this
paragraph EDl-LVe.
A Mr.. SMELL, Of Chicago, has been arrested
for assaulung one of his fellow citizens. Bad
Smells are no new thing in Chicago. Courtsr-
Journal
THE latest addition to the Chinese navy ia
a corvette with name which means 'The Ever.
lasting Peacemaker." The first time she runs
into trouble probably her crew will be at ever.
lasting peace.
AN English vicar, who has already set
good example by keeping open on Sundays the
| annual exhibition Of pictures which is under his
control lately announced that @ flower show on
his grounds would remain open over Sunday.
THE savings bank system of the English
postoffioe continues TO work successfully. During
last year 100000 additional depositors opened ac-
counts In the bank, making the total number
nearly 100000, with aggregate deposits of ESQ.,
100000.
"MY DEAR" said New York society
leader, "when viii you learn to speak the English
language correctly Do not say "a horse say
an 'oss.' You just ought to hear Lord Topnody
converse"
WHILE every eye is strained eastward and
every energy directed against an invasion by
cholera, the news comes that King Kaakaua's
Royal Sandwich Island Brass band has arrived in
San Francisco. This shows how hopeless IL is to
oppose fate.-LUe.
A JURY in London forbade a woman the ad-
min!stratlon Of her own affairs because of the
peculiar bird like formation of her head, which
they believed was an indication of insanity. She
probably had her hair done up in one of the new
American styles.
A KANSAS woman was jawing her husband
the other day, when cyclone came along. He
turned pale RS death, but the woman kept on
scolding, and the cyclone lodged around the
woodpile and sneaked off with its tail between It's
legs.-BuIington Free Press
Two CHICAGO roughs attacked a ChinamAn
q north side street car the other day, when tho
celestial pitched In and gave both of them sound
thrashing. After It was over and the roughs had
skipped out he picked up his hat and said "An
Chilamen amt samee Some flight and some lun.
flight"
THE sultan has ordered 1000 four-inch
spikes with which to decorate the top of the high
pine fence which surrounds his harem. This in
anticipation of Col. Murat Halstead's probable ap-
pointment as minister to Turkey, may be deemed
an illustration Of the proverb about an ounce of
prevention being worth pound of cure-Chiedoo
NetOs.
THE obese, but we'll dressed Miss Fanny
Davenport, says the Chicago NetDs, is not making
meteoric progress with her new play of Fedora"
Her talent II she has any beyond that Of the aver
age fashion plate, Ia of the Foggs Ferry" order,
and art will never cease lamenting that q good
steam whistle was spoiled when Fanny took TO the
stage
Your son has Just been knocked off the
railroad and killed." exclaimed map, approach
ing an Arkansas colonel. "who knocked him
off?" excitedly demanded the colonel. "a rail-
road engine" "Well, that begins to explain mat
tiers, for knew devilish well he wasn't knocked
off by an ordinary man. He was one of the boys,
lJt me tell you."-Arkansau Traveller.
LADY bearing namo apparently selected
from Mr.. Gilberts "Bab Ballads" viz: Annie
Lavlnia Jane Caroline Clegg de Charminent, was
fined at Brighton, In England, for haying I'm ad-
dition to bearing such name) kept her husband
awake all night by refusing to close one Of the
inany windows, throwing off all che bed clothing
and letting on the full power of gas; and when
F summoned she cooked the writ in batter serving
q up for dinner, and making him eat II.
Mr.. JOAQUIN MILLER says that he sighs
for a city where the cruel civilization of modern
: empires is unkaown," and where there IL "rest
and quiet and peace TO suit the hour of dreams; !"
city "hedged in from hustle and feverish rush
for gains city "plaoid moon,it lake and
natural as a maidon's BLUSH" a city where "a
full hearts," a city where "ambition slumbers
and nature wields the Bcepter over all" Mr.. Mill
Ter is evidently trucking for pass to Boston,.
LIFE.
A FORMER private secretary of Mr.. James
Gordon Bennett has started q small daily English
newspaper in Paris. The New York Sun says it Is
very neatly got up, and promises to be successful.
In one Of the early numbers story Ia told of
certain duke of and his valet The latter, Il
| alwaya Qettinu into sxvhi
he emerged with considerable success. No matter
how tipsy he got he was always brought home
, safely, and never consigned to dungeon cell
Upon being asked the reason of this singular good
luck he explained that he always had lots of the
dukes cards in his pocket. Can 1t bo that this
- story is founded on fact, and that many of the
escapades which are laid at the door Of J. q. B,
were really committed by some one who had
pocket full of his cards?
OCCASIONALLY man is born unlucky and
can't help 1t. Dr. Bullock, of Upland Pa, is that
kind of a man. He was driving the other day and
lit match to touch OFF his cigar, when q piece Of
, sulphur as big as homeopathic pellet few into
: his eye. And he didn't get the cigar lighted
either. As he went on his way weeping with one
, eye and not looking much with the other he drove
into big wagon on the blind side, and smashed
MS buggy into as many pieces as there arc
names for them. He was cast down, but
not discouraged, SO he borrowed another
WhROu W uINo aOlut. h0 Olu not urlV0
home. but drove into ditch twelve feet deep and
, held the wagon up OH his back, while the horse
walked around on him trying to find some way Of
= climbing out. When the doctor got homo at last
l he found that neighbor had slapped his boy
. his dog had been knocked out In two rounds by
stray yellow dog Of plebeian extraction, the cat
!, had fallen in the we'll, COW had trampled all
over the geranium bed, goat had eaten up tho
hammock, and his wife had scalded herself dread
!. fully while putting up peaches. It's no use for
/ some men ) try to be good. ''Things is agin
: 'em"-Hdtokeys
A Mr.. CEPHAs F.. ROBERTSON recently came
= to this country from England. He carried eleven
q hat boxes and valet and was full Of brandy and
4 sJdR and enthusiasm. Three days after he ar
! rived in New York he met an old friend in the
usual way ON the Bowery. The meeting cost Mr..
Robertson sl,l00. He left the following day for
Chicago. The morning Of his arrival in that
porcine city he met another old friend who OBJ
a tained fromlhim loan OF $500 sl.06 worth
n of glass diamonds aud certified check on n
!, Canadian bank which failed two years ago. Mr.
~ Robertson then undertook 10 do ST. Louis and 1t
: cost him 500 to have g lawyer explain to Judge
why one glass Of pale sherry, which he had taken
- with casual acquaintance, should have so mud
died his brain and tangled up his legs that he lost
his watch and his reputation for sobriety on the
! air M I a Mr. -