The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-12-28
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ill lldhC all OdJ VI ludl, Is WDdJ tnc
farmer said when planting his seed.-
Statesman.
The dictionary is not as big as the
postoffice, but it contains more letters to
the square inch.-Ne'O York Journal.
"Your little boy appears to be particu-
Early lively madam" ooh, yes" re-
sponded the lady, sweetly, che thinks
he is in church. Title Judge.
A mole on the nose indicates that a
man will be great probably
to get out of the way of people who
make personal remarks. -Lo,OeU Citizen.
A young man who dropped in unex-
pectedly upon his girl, the other evening,
found her In tears. Poor thing, she had
been peeling onions. - Philddelphia Chro,1-
icle.
Little George was questioned the other
day about his big sisters beau. GLOW
old is he2" 81 don't know" "Wel, is
he young9" 81 think SO, for he hasn't
any hair on his head. "-BoSton Courier.
JUST LIKE MAN.
A man is very like gun,
That fact please try to fix;
For if he finds he's charged too much,
Why, that's the time he kicks.
-Y)nkerS Statesman.
''Do you play by the ear ? see you
don't require notes." said Fort Wayne
gentleman to a musician of the city or
chestra. "No, sir" was the reply, 81
play by the night and require bank
notes. "-The Hoosier
Be gentle in the family. Oh, always
be gentle. Above all make the boys be
gentle. If we had family of boys we
should compel them to be gentle, if we
had to wear out every barrel stave in the
shed. -Rockldnd Courier.
1t is said an Arizona judge resigned
from tie bench to become hotel waiter.
The judicial ermine may satisfy mans
vanity, but it does not always fill the void
created by the want of three square meals
day.-Neao Orleans Picayane.
There was a man in town who thought
him wondrous wise. He swore by all the
tabled gods he'd never advertise His
goods were advertised ere long, and there
by hangs a tale-thc ad was set in non
pariel and headed "Sheriff Sale"
'Zampilaerostationis is the name
which some one says is the correct one to
apply to roller skater. This will make
the exercise more dangerous than ever,
for If one falls on that name it will break
every bone in his body.-OI city Der
rick.
A grave-digger walking in the streets
the other day CHANGED to turn and noticed
two doctors walking behind him. He
stopped till they passed and then follow
ed on behind them. "And why this 2"
said they. 81 know my place in the pro-
cession, returned he.
1t is evident, from the following de-
scription by an exchange of the girl of
the period, that she is desperate and
bound to carry her point during leap
year: ''She carries n short, stout walking
stick" This of course means husband
or place on the police orce.-PecG's
Sun.
a lady was reproaching Mr. William
Warren, the Boston actor, at a recent
reception for going into society so little.
''YOu ought to let me lionize you lit
tie, " she said 81 never heard of but one
man." replied the veteran actor, "who
was not spoiled by being lionized. ;"
"And who was he2" Daniel"
A "Woman's Exchange" has been
opened in Washington, and already the
secretary has received letters from several
married men in various parts of the
country, making inquiries concerning
the probable expense of exchanging their
cold women" for others. A msunder-
standing probably exists somewhere. =
Nowist0lcn Herald.
A contemporary asks: ''How shall wo-
men carry their purses to Illustrate the
thieves ?" Why carry them empty.
Nothing illustrates n thief more than to
snatch womans purse after following
her half mile, and then find that it con
tains nothing but recipe for spiced
peaches and a faded photograph of her
grandmother Fire. Press.
A Georgia man after nearly jerking his
leg off trying TO get his foot out of a
frog" on railway track before an APP
preaching train should reach HIM, finally
had to unlace his shoe, pull his foot out
and leave his shoe to be run over. Just
as he got his foot out safely the train
went on another track, and he used his
shoe to kick himself with for not seeing
that he was on side track all the time.
--HdUkeye.