Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-03-11
HUMOR.

HE stage-driver, in describing the
steepness of certain Vermont noun
tain, said that 'Chain-hghtin' couldn't
go down it without breechin' on"
I'm choosing a wife," saws an ex-
change, :" be governed by her chin
The worst of it is, that after choosing a
wife one is apt to keep on being gov
erned in the same way.
WHAT kind of picture would you
prefer, miss ?" inquired a photographer
OF young lady customer. "Well," was
the reply. take me with an expression
as II were writing poem on love-"
NOTHING annoys the manager of
church festival more than to have one
visitor say In rather loud tone to
another: "Have they ever tried plating
war-ships with this sort of sandwiches ?"
"THIs world is full of troubles" ex-
claimed Brown, despairingly; there's
no rest this side of the grave" 'Cheer
up" replied Fogg; forget your troub-
les, man; you'll get the rest beyond the
grave"
"UGH!" exclaimed Brown, al believe
Quail 1IScA0 w OuO fO gu w
die some time" he added, "and L might
as well die that way as any other"
Much better" replied Fogg. consoling-
ly, you'll have such an excellent chance
to thaw off on the other side, you
know"
A SOLDIER, when under fire in Egypt
for the first time, commenced strate-
gica1 movement to the rear. You are
a wretched coward" said one of his
companions POSSIBLY 1 am" replied
the retreating sage; "but prefer being
coward for five minutes to being a
corpse for all time"
Down quilts can be bought for $50.
They are so light in weight that on
cold winter night you imagine you are
freezing until you get up and pile all
your clothes on top of it.; then you 90
to sleep and dream that you have tum-
bled down the crater of volcano and
can't get out.
ARAMINTA thinks seriously of apply
ing. for a divorce, on the ground of
fraud. She was induced to marry Fred
erick, she said, principally because
everybody said he was rising young
man; but when it comes to getting up
to build the kitchen fire cold mornings
he doesn't rise worth cent. Hence
Araminta's grievance.--BOsto71 Tram
script
A NIsERLY couple who had given
fashionable dinner were inspecting the
remains of the feast the day after when
the husband said: "My dear, here is an
orange which is beginning to spoil"
"Well,' responded the wife, cit can be
laid aside for the servants" ''Oh," said
the husband, slowly re-examining it,
sit isn't so bad as that yet.
THE profound ignorance of some of
the West Point cadets was illustrated
by the remark of one of them, after lis
tening to a sermon by a new chaplain,
who had spoken of Sheridan, the play
wright, as great orator and renarka-
BILE man, but man of very bad habits.
For newly-appointed chaplain" the
cadet was overheard to say, che certain
ly shows great amount of disrespect
for the Lieutenant General of the
United States army.
A CoUNTRYMAN stepped into fruit
store and invested in nickel's worth
of chestnuts. In half an hour he re-
turned and handed the proprietor one
of the nuts. "What does this mean ?"
asked the dealer. "Well," remarked
the customer, chat is the only sound
chestnut found in the pint, and so
thought you had put it in by mistake. I
am an honest man, and don't want to
take a mean advantage of a fellow"
A FRENCHNAN who was introduced to
brandy-punch in Richmond, by an
American friend, appeared at the same
bar early next morning in quest of
duplicate. Unfortunately, he could not
recall the name of the inspiration which
he had absorbed the night before, but
the bar-keeper found the following de-
scription sufficient: az will take one
contradiction, what you call it? wis
very much lemon for make him sour,
very much soogare for make him sweet,
plenty of brandy for make him strong.
and great deal of wasser for make him
weak"
FROM singing school the lover comes,
His girl upon his arm,
And Sitteth by her fathers fire,
And waiteth to get warm.
foot at half-past is heard
The swain doth quickly scoOt,
For fear of being too well warmed,
BY her fond parents boot
ROOST HIGH.
There is dawning in the sky
Which doth world of fate imply:
And On each casual, passing face
A look eXpectant you may trace:
These signs the veteran turkey sees.
And with deep and mournful sigh
He calls his numerous family nigh
And mUrmurs, pointing to the trees
RooSt high, my little ones, roost highI.
-DenreT Tribune
About Drinking Men.
As drinking man myself, unfort-
unately known better for that one fail
ing than for my many virtues, let me
say q word about drinking men. their