The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1883-01-20

The best-natured woman in the United States
lives in Austin. She has been married a num-
Der of years to a man named Ferguson, but she
and her husband have never had a quarrel yet,
and he has frequently boosted that it was utterly
Impossible to make her angry. Ferguson made
several desperate attempts to see if he could not
exasperate her to look cross or scowl at him,
merely to. gratify his curiosity, but the more out
rageous he acted, the more affable andloving she
behaved. Last week he was talking with a friend
about what a hard time he had trying 10 find out
if his wife had a temper. The friend offered to
bet 80 dollars that if Ferguson were to go home
drunk, raise q row and pull the tablecioth full of
dishes off the table, she would show some signs
of annoyance. Ferguson said he didn't want to
rob a friend of his money, for he knew he would
win but they at last made a bet of so dollars,
the friend to hide in the front yard and watch
the proceedings of the convention through the
window. Ferguson came home late, and, APP
parently fighting drunk. She met him at the
gate, kissed him, and assisted his lettering steps
to the house. He sat down in the middle of the
floor, and howled out, "COnfound yer ugly pic
turc, what did you mean by pulling that chair
from under me ?" 80, 1 hope you did not hurt
yourself. 1t is my awkwardness, but III try
and not do it again" and helped him to his feet,
although she had nothing in the world to do with
his falling. He then sat down on the sofa, and,
sliding off on the floor. abused her like a pick
pocket for lifting up the other end of the sofa, all
of which she took good-naturedly, and finally
she led him to the supper-table. He threw a
plate at her, but she acted as if she had not no.
ticed it, and asked him if he would take tea or
coffee. Then the brute seized the table-cloth
and sat down on the floor, pulling the dishes and
everything else over with him, in one grand
crash. What did this noble woman do ? Do
you suppose she grumbled and talked about GO
ing home to her ma, or that she sat down and
cried like a fool, or that she sulked and pouted {?
Not q bit of it. With a pleasant smile she said,
Why, George, that's u new idea, isn't it? We
have been married ten years and have never yet
ate our supper on the floor. Won't it be fun =
just like those picnics we used to go to before we
got married, and then this angelic woman de-
liberately sat down on the floor alongside of the
wretch, arranged the dishes, and fixed him a
nice supper. This broke George all up. He
owned up he was only fooling her, and offered
to give her the so dollars to get herself a new
hat, but she took the money and bought him a
new suit of clothes and a box of cigars.-New
Zealand Herald.
Harper's Magazine for December was received
by the steamer sCity Of New York. Through
some error it was not delivered here when that
ship came from San Francisco. The magazine
is one of the most elite, select, and valuable of
all the monthlies published in the United States,
or perhaps in the world. 1t is always full of
entertaining instructive literature, composed by
the best distinguished authors of the day. We
welcome it's regular arrival in our sanctum, and
feel disappointed when it is delayed. This last
number is in every respect equal to the usual
high standard in merit and execution. Among
other illustrated articles are, 9TH Columbia
River" by Cleveland Rockwell William
Black at Home" by Joseph Hatton; and The
Great Seaport of Western France" The
Northern Pacific railway, with its eastern con-
nections, will open up the por-
ton of the United States to tourists and travel
ers. Except to the student of geography. it is
now comparatively unknown, and Mr.. Rockwell,
in his description and historical sketch of the
Columbia River, sets forth in the most approved
clear style sl its natural attractions and i'm
portance. Mr.. William Black, one of the most
eminent of modern novelists, is, if we may Judge
by his works, well worthy of the happy tribute
which Joseph Hatton incidentally pays to his
genius. The title of the article, William
Black at Home, is somewhat misleading until
we read that Mr.. Black sis about equally at
home when he is out on the deck of a yacht in
the Northern seas; t~ramping the cliffs at
Brighton; studying character in the United
States and astronomy in Egypt brooding over
q favorite landscape in the artists studio; talk
ing politics at the Reform Club; or doing the
honors of Pastor House. Accompanying this
article is a portrait of him, and if it is a faithful
representation, Mr.. Black has a striking re-
semblance so the present King of Italy. Havre
is appropriately designated "The great Seaport
of Western France" It's commerce, its situation.
and its history are delineated with felicitious
fidelity by Thomas w. Knox.
Those of us whose occupations, pleasures or
necessities call them out the hour before dawn,
have the opportunity afforded them OF seeing
much that is peculiar in the aspect of town full