Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1883-11-22

IL makes men fiCu IN greatest poverty,
Makes water wine, turns wooden cups to gold,
The homely whistle to sweet musc's strain
Seldom it comes-to few from heaven sent-
That much in litte-all IN Daught-content.
lWilbye CNicdrigaD.
The best definition of stepmother"
tells us that che is 9 mother who spoils her
own children and steps on those which she
has unwilliDgly inherited by marriage.
A German in the lager. beer business can
always see we'll enough. If a German
wears glasses it is TO show that he is stu
dent or professor or something New Or
leans Picayune.
A fall purse never lacks friends but
when an empty purse gets enc, wear him
next your heart, for he is stamped with n
higher value than any coin that was ever
ninted, d,-[J. Jackson Wray.
The fortunate man is he, who, born poor,
or nobody, works gradually up 60 wealth
and consideration, and having got them,
dies before he fluids they we're not worth so
much :rouble.-[Charles Reade.
1t is estimated that there are about
2, SOC, 900 stammerers in the world. This,
we presume, does not include the young
men who only stammer when they attempt
to pop the question. / NorristOwn Herald.
Calino thinks he has been poisoned and
has a doctor called. After an examination
the physician orders him to take sn emetic.
1T is useless" replies Calino; Il have
already taken them twice aud they don't
stay down five minutes, doctor ~ From
the French.
Somebody put a small mud turtle about
the size of silver dollar in a bed at
New Jersey hotel, and the stranger who
was assigned TO that room, on preparing 70
retire caught sight of it. He st once re-
sumed his clothes, remarking: II ex.
pected to have pretty lively night of it,
but if they re as big as that l don't pro-
pose to get in with 'em. ~ Boston Post.
Miss Phebe Couzins, who was in tho
vicinity of the Minnesota cyclone, was re-
ported among the lost. She writes that
she is safe. II appears that when she saw
the cyclone approaching she commenced to
deliver one of her women'5 rights speeches,
when the bosom of destruction suddenly
turned on its heel and went bowling howl
fully over the prairies in another direction.
INorristOwn Herald.
Feeble uychin-"I l say, ma, my head
aches; I'm going 20 stay at home from
school this afternoon" Solioisous maternal
auCeSAoi W Sii. my ubdt. III StEEys
Stay at home and rest. 1t may do You
good" Three hours later feeble urchin
rashes into the house with cheeks aglow.
I" l tell You we bad nifty game Eighteen
to fifteen. played short. Gim me sushin'
feat. y Hartford Post.
Little Edith was taking hsr first lessons
in geography. Her mother pointed to her
upon the map the States, rivers, towns,
e.e. Edith proved remarkable apt schol
ar. ard seemed to understand 1t all.
Yes" she said, "thas's a riber, and
that's a town aad d'-iuuning her fingers
along the lines nj latitude and longitude
" and them's tic wire feuoss, mamms. yum
ming everywhere. "-[Boston Transcript.
"Do you ever read poetry p asked the
new pastor of :. good but ilhterate deacon.
" Read poultry, sir? No, sir but l feed
em regular" he replied The pastor 81
lently passed on, wondering what manner
OF people he had TO minister to, while the
deacon nopped his brow and gszed with a
bewildered air at the retreatine dominic.
Then he softly said to himself "Read
poultry hs ha ha Well, I'll be
burned ~ Commercial Advertiser.
Twas morning. To short, about 80 a.
NJ, and as the sun glistened on the light
ning.grods of McGuzhville, Rosalind Nc
Gush had arisen, and, parting the curtains
OF her boudoir, gazed upon the brilliant
morning. Chow delieiousiy beautiful the
atmosphere. 1t is enough to satisfy the
esthetic taste of goddess. But, alas,
she murmured, I'm no goddess. II
was, wouldn't have to warm up the cold
meat and potatoes for the hired mans
breakfast. III Hartford Post.
a droll story il going the rounds of the
clubs. in which prominent physician and
a we'll known merchant figure. The latter,
in some way, got an overdose Of morphine,
and was found stiff and stark upon his
bed. The physician was summoned. and,
after an examination which seems to have :
been rather casual, pronounced the man
dead. The merchants son accompanied
the doctor to the door. dispatched
servant for an undertaken, and,
after an absence of some half an
hour or more, returned to tee chamber OF
the supposed defunct. He was here eur
prised at finding the dead mans eyes
open Father, he exclaimed, can you
see me? "Sse you ?" returned the author
of his being feebly. but impertusbably;
Eyes, and go you one better. IN. y
Letter.