Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-09-07
FUN

FUN
WANTED THE Boss.-A travelling man
who makes yearly visits to country store
in Kentucky, drove up to the establishment
the other day and asked to see the boss.
"How are you, Smith ?'' he said, when
very depressed looking man came to the
door.
''How are you! Who did you want ?"
Il wanted to see the boss.'
s'All right, I'll CALL
'sWhy, amt you the boss ?'
mo; not any MORE" and he looked
over his shoulder in frightened way.
''You were when was here year ago."
Eyes. know it, but you see I've got
married since then"
''Boss, will you tell how to make root
beer ?" asked a colored man of a clerk in
Woodward avenue drug store, day or
two ago. "Why, yes, I can. Take
hickory stick, three gallons of water. an
old hat, quart of moiasses, paper of
tacks and pound of cayenne pepper, and
boil, skim and set in a cool place" Say
dat agin, boss, so kin disren ember." The
clerk repeated his directions and the Gus
TONER brought his fist down On the counter
with the exclamation: 81 sees wharf l
spilled my hull batch! I left out de tacks!''
"You can't add different things to-
gether." said an Austin school-teacher.
IF you add sheep and cow together,
it does not make two sheep or two cows"
A little hoy. the son of a milk-man, held
up his hama and said:
"That may do with sheep and cows, but
if you add quart of water to quart of
milk, it makes two quarts of milk. I've
seen it tried.''
sDont you remember me ?" "Can't say
that ever saw you before.' "Why, don't
you remember little Sammy Bambry. who
used to steal your peaches and break your
windows twenty years ago, right here in
Austin p ''Why, certainly. remember
you now. And 1 tanned your little hide
for you, when caught you" 'You bet
you did. All, those happy days Will never
come again.
''Beg pardon, sir, but could--hic-you
tell me which is the opposite side Of the
street 20 "Why, that side. SIR" pointing
across.) "Mosh oblish. was sover there
JUS now. and asked mother gen1'n which
was Ops side, an he said this was"
A long discussion between a young lady
and gentleman of the town Of s., as
to which had the largest mouth, was
brought to close by the gentleman say
ing, ''let's measure" He knows how diff
ferences should be settled.
An old colored preacher in Atlanta, Ga :,
was lecturing youth of his fold about
the sin of dancing, when the latter pro-
tested that the Bible plainly said :--''There
is time to dance.'' Yes, dar am time
to Dance" said the dark divine, land it's
when boy gets whippin' for goin' to
balI.''
Ills that dog mad ?'' he asked the boy as
the animal dashed by. 81 reckon he is !"
replied the boy; lust saw butcher take
piece of meat away from him and kick
him six feet into the air. Wouldn't you
be mad if that was done to you ?''
1t was Voltaire who described doctor
as ga person who poured drugs, OF which
he knows little, into body of which he
knows less, in order to cure diseases, con-
corning which he knows nothing.' Vol
taire was an infidel and is dead.
The cost of stopping train of cars is
said to be from forty to sixty cents. But
it wouldn't do any good to hold up half
dollar to the brakeman on the rear end CT
the train you have just missed, as it goes
out of the depot.
''What're you doing with that cigar, you
little rascal?'' exclaimed father, address.
Ing his son. ''Ma said that if L hit that
cat again she'd make me smoke, an | hit
her again an Pm smokin'.''
A man who had tried it says that the
only reason why sufferers head don't
come off when having tooth pulled is be-
cause the tooth give away first.
Human nature illustrated: Baby nudg-
ing his mothers elbow, s'Mamma, stop
Tota from killing that fly on the window"
what for ?'' Because want to kill him
myself
The reason boy gave for being late at
school was, that the boy in the next house
was going to have dressing down with
bed cord, and he wanted to hear him howl
A young clergyman, small of stature,
preaching as candidate in a certain
place, one Sabbath, peering over the pulpit
Bible. announced as his text: 1t is 1; be
not afraid.''
A western merchant says that when he
wants a rest he does not find it necessary
to 60 to the seaside and spend all his
profits, but just takes his advertisements
out of the papers, and then he has an easy
time.
The publisher never existed that would
not prefer new spring suit to a libel suit
Hearts of Oak" has proved very pop
ular. Now, how would Lungs of Pine
go on the lyric stage?
IA babe" says writer, sis mothers
anchor" ''We have often heard that the
first thing she does is to weigh it.''
An exchange, whose editor has probably
been seriously shot with one, says that
''the pocket ask is concealed Weapon. -