The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-08-03
AN ANTIOUATED ASS.
A Clevelandsr Turns Mormon and Marries
THREE Wives, with the Usual Result.

The cultured liar of The Salt Lake
(Utah) Tribune records the following
concerning a Clevelander, which is
plausible enough to be true, but should
(says The Cleveland Leader be dissect-
ed thoroughly before being swallowed
in its entirety:
sin Cleveland, o., there not long
since lived an old gentleman by the
name of Blank. He was once a sign
painter by trade; made lots of money
by it; never spent cent for drink, and
so he got rich. He was always nicely
dressed and very fond of the girls, and
the nice girls, he said were all very fond
of him. But the old man had now be-
come sixty years of age, and he was not
married, so he looked at long list of
respectable young women to choose
from. The decision was q little diff
ficult, indeed, because everyone he APP
preached about marriage began to tit
ter. He was apparently not aware that
he was not young wooer any more,
the old girls, and include in his list the
respectable girls of thirty. There stood
on the end of his list very well edu-
Gated, handsome girl. She had good
deal of money, too, and she could not
refuse him because she was his niece.
That was his happy idea; happy that
the old girl should be his wife. He was
not afraid at all to state his proposal.
Laura" he said confidently, IL tell
you lam going to marry Ctaking her
hand). II know I am almost an old
bachelor, but you are no spring chicken
you are an old girl, too"
Like o wounded lioness she sprang
up. "What are you calling mep An
old girl. I'm old enough never to take
an old fool"
Heavens! do you take your uncle
for an old fool because he's going to
marry youP l tell you I'll get three for
one, as young and handsome as want
them"
Laura laughed ironically.
III bet you cam" shouted the old
fellow.
So he left her, and on the next train
started for the southern part of Utah.
He was in earlier days acquainted with
Mormon Bishop, whom he heard had
quite stock of women and children.
Bishop" said he, II want you to
provide me with three of the handsomest
young girls you can find, not older than
nineteen years; l want them to marry,
you know"
Hold on, friend" said the bishop,
"are you Mormon?"
mot yet; but let me join the church
as quickly as possible. Never mind the
cost. The only condition 1 make is
that those three girls may ride with me
in few days to Cleveland, o."
WELL" said the bishop, "allow me
to introduce you to my families first"
So he made an arrangement that all his
manageable daughters hold a meeting
in the afternoon, There were fifteen.
Some were ugly and some were fair.
But there were three just of the same
size. The Cleveland man had never
seen so handsome a trio.
Bishop" said he, II have made up
my mind; let me have those three.
"Hold on" said the bishop again;
81 cannot give you them. These three
girls you have chosen are the pets of
Utah, because they are masterpiece of
polygamy. They were born nineteen
years ago at the same hour. They are
three twin children from one father and
three mothers. You will never find
such trio in the world again"
Uncle Blank didn't start from Cleve-
land without taking with him o big
check-book. But he haggled about the
price The bishop asked as security
$4,000 each, and finally Hudson agreed
to it and gave him S15, 900 check.
A splendid wedding party came to
Salt Lake. After the different secret
ceremonies in the observation-disclosures
were over, the happy bridegroom was
on his bridal trip to Cleveland. His
feelings were divided between love and
revenge. He could hardly await the
moment to introduce his three wives
to his proud old niece. When he got to
Cleveland, however, he was sorrowfully
surprised. The old maid was dead.
His old friends threatened him with
prosecution for polygamy, and he had
to buy hastily four tickets to return to
Utah.
1t is hardly year since that wedding
of three twin children, the masterpiece
OF polygamy, and Blank is sitting be-
tween three cradles; in each cradle is q
crying Mormon twin.
The convert from Cleveland had to
stay in Utah, and as he thinks about his
dead niece he sobbingly says: Laura,
you were right; l am an old foolr'