Daily Kennebec journal., 1883-10-08
The Upper Berth.

One of the most diiticult things in this
world, next to swimming the whirlpool of
Niagara, is to get into the upper berth in a
sleeping car, remarks the Texas Siftincs
1t Is moving and affecting spectacle to see
the fat and habitually dignified head of a
family laboriously acquire possession of an
upper berth. The trouble begins by the old
gentleman expostulating with the conductor
for putting him so high up, and he begs that
giit-edge official to try and make a trade with
some small-sized man who can easily climb
up the side of the car and crawl inside with
little or no difficulty. The commanding
officer of the quarter deck says he will see
what he can do about it, and then he wanders
OIL into the blue regions of the smoking car
and shakes dice with the train boy for a cigar.
Meanwhile the fat man waits, snd perspires.
and fumes, and curses all the officials of the
road from the president down to section
bosses.
When the conductor saunters leisurely
back, he tells the fat man that nothing can be
done; no one, he says, will exchange a lower
birth for an upper-no, not even if the ia,
man will give something TO boot. Then the
dignified fat man glares at the other passen-
gers, and waits until they have all retired
before he tries TO get up into the berth
There are several different ways of forcing
hire the porter for two-bits to give you a leg.
up, but this method is liable to attract atten-
ton aud excite ungenerous and sarcastic re.
marks. The digniied fat man has regular
circus. First swinging himself up by the
curtain har, he tries to go in feet first but he
cant let go the rail without tumbling back
again into the aisle The porter helps him
out Of this fix, and the fat man tries q new
deal. This time he steps on the ear of a
sleeping beauty in the lower berth, and the
sleeping beauty knocks the pins out from
under him and the fat man retires to the
wash-room to battle his nose and abuse mon.
opolies.
Then he gets the porter to bring a camp.
stool; he gets up on it, catches hold of the
brass rod above, and is about to spring for the
berth when the camp-stool doubles up, and.
in his efforts to save himself from coming
down with dull thud" on the floor, be
wildly grabs the bell-cord, and that stops the
train, and the conductor comes in and uses
language to him, and the passengers all wake
up and use more language, und the disniied
fat passenger even wishes he was dead or
that he had more clothes on. Finally he
manages to crawl into the upper berth. and
he boils over with malicious thoughts and
sinister desires for the bankruptcy of the
railroad company.
Ii 10 full hour before he relapses into
slumber, and then the conductor comes along
and punches him and his ticket: and then .
horrible suspicion flashes across him that the
berth may become locsened in some way
from its catch, and spring up against the
ceiling Of the car and smother him. He
sleeps no more until daylight, and then he
has to jump out and dress hurriedlv, for
the train 10 running into the city. 4 good
stretch on tie longitudinal cushioned seats
OF the ceeoose in q freight train 10 many
points ahead of the best upper berth ever in
vented ior . palace sleeping-ca car, and we
don't care Who knows IT,