Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-04-01
ErCHINGS.

HEADQUARTERS: The matters store.
CARvERs of their own fortunes: Butch
ers.
A NEW lottery company 10 to be called
he Honesty" because honesty is the best
policy.
WHEN coal rapidly goes up it might be
called valuable mineral spring. We hate
TO resort to this.
He was fond OF singing revival hymns,
and his wife named their baby Fort, so
tina, be would want to hold it.
THE second hand Of clock must al ways
feel cheap-not because it is not quite as
good as the others. but simply because it is
second hand.
THANK fortune" said the old lady as
she returned from market this morning,
I'VE have again arrived at the season when
the hens lay fresh eggs"
THE following is what an eavesdropper
heard: Now, Mr.. Davis, you must run
up to the third story and get my smelling
bottle and my FAM" David Davis: ''Oh,
that this too solid flesh would meltw
A MAN in Springfield, Mo-, being invited
to drink, poured out glass of whisky,
looked at it for moment and then dropped
dead. The coroner's jury brought in a
verdict of suicide by procrastination.
I'll KNOW why there is no rest for the
wicked" said the bad boy a, he slid into
seat at the second table after the minister
and the other guests had departed. "lts
because the good people took all there
was"
A YOUNG man in train was making fun
of lady's hat to an elderly gentleman in
the seat with him. Eyes" said his seat
mate. that's my wife, and told her il she
wore that bonnet some fool would make
fun of it,"
Dip YOU ever SHAKE hands with beauti-
full girl about twenty years of age,
who, instead OF letting her hand lie in
yours like sick fish, gave you a good,
hearty grasp? If you have, you know
what solid comfort is.
THE much talked-of laying on .of-hands
cure is nothing remarkable. Myriads of
small boys have been cured OF infrmities
in that way, and rarely has the boy been
found possessed of sufficient bottom to
withstand the treatment.
A YOUNG lady made a narrow escape at
fire in New York a few nights since.
About half of her back hair was burned.
Fortunately she was not in the building at
the time, having put on her other hair and
left the house only half an hour before the
fire broke out.
1t is said that the Indians in Nevada
catch quail by scattering wheat soaked in
alcohol on the ground. This sounds like
wild piece of fiction. 1t is difficult to
make any one believe that an Indian would
waste enough fire water" to soak grain
of wheat in order to get one quail in re-
turn.
Mrs. HICEs.LoRD has buried three hus'
bsnds-Ex. II the husbands were dead
and no doubt they were-it was among the
best thirgs the lady could have done with
them. Cremation would have been just as
expensive, and if she had sold them to a
medical college her friends would have
accused her of being mercenary, and show
ing no respect for the dead.
CHARLEY" remarked Jones, you were
born to be writer" "Ah" replied Char
ley blushing slightly at the compliment.
"yeu have seen some of the things I have
turned?" NO" said Jones' II wasn't re-
ferring to what you had written. l was
simply thinking what a splendid ear you
had for carrying pen. Immense, Char.
ley; simply immepse"