The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-11-02
VOL. XXVIII----NO. Al.
VARIETIES.

WHAT wonderful age of invention il
is" said Mrs. Peterson; II see they are now
| making wire cloth, and I'll have some this
very week to put seat in Johnny's every
day pants"
I'D have you know that my uncle was
a barrister of the law" "a fig for your han.
mister |" retorted Mrs Darlington, turning
up her nose: Haven't l cousin as is corr
ridor in the navy?"
II say, Paddy, that is The worst looking
horse have ever seen in harness. VIM
don't you fatten him up?" Fat him up. is
1t )? Fax, the poor haste can scarcely carry the
little mate that's on him now" replied Pad
dy.
What was in it. "My case is Just here"
said citizen TO a lawyer. "The plaintiff
will swear that hit him. | will swear that
dld not Now, what can you lawyers make
out OF that If we go to trial?" "a hundred
dollars easy" was the reply.
How is your father coming on ?" asked
Colonel Percy Yerger of darkey he used to
own before the war
HE am dead"
dead, is he? He must have reached an
advanced age"
HE did dat, for fac. He was lbin M
to de berry day oh his def"
"A physician ought to he careful lest he
tell too much of the truth. When n lady
living in Chelsea sent to London for doctor
she apoioglzed for asking him to come such
q distance Don't speak of it," answered
the Nj. ID. II happen to have two patients in
the neighborhood, and can thus kill two
birds Will one stone"
Once upon n time woman died and 40
the mourners were carrying her to the grave,
they trlpped against stump and let the
coffin fhll. She revived, having been only in
deep trance. Two years after she really
dled, and ms they were carrying her down
the same road and neared the same stump.
the disconsolate widower sobbed "SIeadv
boys! there BE very CAREFUL
Two Irishmen were asleep in the attic
of a house which caught fire One of them.
in the hurry to escape, got his pantaloons on
front side back, and jumped into the street
below. His companion, seeing him fall in a
heap, called to him, "Whist, Jerry, are We
kilt entirely" And Jerry, gathering him.
self up and discovering the adjusted gar
ments aforesaid, shouted back, mo, not en-
tlrely Kilt; but, upon my word, Pm fatally
twisted %
A story of characteristic American
traveller is told in the Scotch Highlands
Tired and thirsty he had come suddenly
upon little shooting box on the hills
The proprietor, an intensely proud High.
lander, stood at the gate and regarded
the intruding foreigner without sign of hos.
ptality. The American, taking a lcisurely
look at the ground, said "Do you belong to
the place? y mo, sir" in dignfied manner,
"the place belongs to me-" "Well, you are
a poorer cuss than thought, if you own this
location" was the answer
When Marshal Narvaz Law diving his
contessor demanded of him that he should
begin his preparation for death by forgiving
his enemies. 81 have none" said the surly
sick man. No enemies? thought the priest.
Why, if ever there was a soldier whose cru
city eXasperated the people you are certainly
he, but he said aloud, "My dear sir, perhaps
if you bethnk you for a moment"-and then
the Marshal turned over in bed, and interrupt
ing, answered, "Father, tell you have no
enemies. need not say to you that have
had enemies but have none now, for have
ordered them all to be shot"
"A condensed sermon: We find this od-
dity in the Edinburgh Fugitive Pieces by
w Greech, Abridgemcnt of sermon, from
these words: "Man is born to trouble."-
My friends: The subject falls naturally to
be divided into four heads. l. Mans en-
trance in the world; 2. His progress through
the world; 3. His exit from the world;
L. Practical reflection from what may be
said. First then: 1. Man came into the
world naked and bare 9. His progress
through it is trouble and care g.
His exit from it-none can tell where.
T. But if he does well here, he'll be well
there. Now lean say no more, my brethren
dear, should preach on this subject from this
time to next year. Amen"