Morris tribune., 1883-04-21
SPOOP.END YKE.
He Cd4Tes Himself tciM % Razor, AMI tbs
s"at Domestic JasaOle FOEE0srs.


ts"at Domestic Jasa0le FOlLOsrs.
my dear!" exclaimed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, dropping his razor and examin-
ing his chin with startling eyes, my
dear, bring me some court plaster,
quick! I've plowed off half my
chinl"
Let me see!" demanded Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, bobbing up and futtering
around her husband. "Great gracious,
what cut! Wait minute!" and she
shot into the closet and out again.
Quick" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
I'm bleeding to death fetch me that
court plaster"
"Oh, dear" moaned Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. Il put it-oh, where did I put
it,"
"Dod CAST the putty" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke, who had heard his wife
lmperfectly. What dye think this is,
a crack in the wall? Got some sort of
notion that there is draught through
here. Court plaster, I tell you! Bring
me some. court plaster before [ pull out
the side of this house and get some
from the neighbors!"
Just then it occurred to Mrs. Spoop-
endyke that she had put the plaster in
the clock.
Here it is, dear!" and she shipped
off piece and handed it to him.
Mr.. Spoopendyke put it on the end
of his tongue, holding his thumb over
the wound. When it was thoroughly
wetted, it stuck to his finger, while the
carnage ran down his chin. He jabbed
away at the cut, but the plaster hung
to his digit until finally his patience
was thoroughly exhausted.
What's the matter with the measly
business ?" he yelled. "Where'd We
buy this plaster? Come off, dod CAST
ye!" and as he plucked it off his finger
it grew to his thumb. "Stick, will YEP"
he squealed, plugging at the cut in his
chin. Leave go that thumbl" and he
whirled around on his heel and pegged
at it again. "Why don't We bring me
some court plaster?" he shrieked, turn
ing on his trembling wife. "Who asked
ye for a leech? Bring me something
that knows thumb from chin!" and
he planted his thumb on the wound
and screwed it around vindictively.
This time the plaster let go and
slipped up to the corner of his mouth.
"Now it's all right, DEAR" smiled
Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to secure
peace in the family. cts all right
nowin
@Think it is, do YEP" raved Mr..
Spoopendyke, with fearful grin.
maybe you've got the same idea
that court plaster has! P'raps you
think that mouth was cut with razor!
Maybe you are under the impression
that this hole in my visage was meant
to succumb to the persuasion of bit of
plaster! Come off! Let go that mouth"
and, as he gave it wipe, it stuck to
the palm Of his hand as though it had
been born there.
"Let me try" suggested Mrs: Spoop-
endyke; II know how to do it.
"Then why didn't ye do it frst?"
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. "What did
We want to wait until I'd lost three gall
Ions of gore for? Oh, you know how
to do it! You only want a wooden back
and bottle of mucilage up your side to
be a county hospital. Stick, dod CAST
YET" and he clapped the wrong hand
over his jaw. "I1l hold ye there till ye
stick, if I hold ye till my wife learns
something!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
pranced up and down the room with a
face indicative of stern determination.
"Let me see, DEAR" said his wife,
approaching him with smile, and,
gently drawing away his hand, she
deity. adjusted another piece of plas-
ter.
@That was my piece, after ALL"
growled Mr.. Spoopendyke, eying the
job and glancing at the palm of his
hand to find his own piece of plaster
rome. "You always come in after the
funeral"
q guess you'll find your piece stick
ing in the other hand, DEAR" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke pleasantly.
"Of course you can tell" snorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke, verifying his wife's
assertion with glance. If 1 had your
insight and pack of cards, I'd hire
shot tower and set UP for an astrono-
mer!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke, who evil
IDENTIFY meant asrologer, wore that
piece of blood-stained court plaster ON
his hand all day long, rather than adj
NIT, by taking it off, that his wife had
ever been right in anything.