Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-04-10
ARTEMUS WARDS FRANKS.
HOW HE ToRMENTED MCCULLOUGH
AND BISHOP.
A PRACTICAL JOKER WHO COULD ENJOY
HIS JOKES WITHOUT WITNESSES.
Texas sinings.l

Texas siftings.
Allemus Ward, as almost every one
knows. was a practical joker, but
he differed from ordinary practical jokers
in the fact that he could enjoy his Jokes
all by himself. Usually, for a practical
Joke to be a success, or to be enjoyable
to the perpetrater, ii is necessary that
Others beside himself should witness it.
Ward enjoyed his all by himself. c.
b. Bishop, the actor, told US the other
day an anecdote illustrative of this Pc
culiarity Of Ward.
The proprietor of the Moral Wax
Figgers' was lecturing when | first met
him." said Bishop. at was in Bal
,imore, and John Mccullough intro.
duced me to him in a restaurant one night,
as Ward was taking supper, after deliv-
ering his lecture. He and | became on
intimate terms at once. II was impos-
sible TO know the man without loving
him. You felt drawn to him the mo-
ment he spoke TO you. There was some
thing gentle and lovable about him that
was indescribable, but that made his
acquaintance feel toward him as they
would feel toward a favorite brother
Ward and talked together about NUT
ual friends until o'clock in the morn
ing Then he insisted that should
sleep with him at his hotel. | made sew
eral excuses because, although ! enjoyed
his society, could see no reason for his
request. He begged me, and said that
he would consider i, great favor if |
would sleep with him, as he was afraid to
sleep alone in the dark. | thought it
rather an eccentric notion, but | agreed
to stay with him.
at was an exceedingly cold night
Ward said that he wanted the light left
burning. After we got to bed | became
very sleepy. and told Ward who was
talking a great deal, and wandering from
one subject to another, that thought
we had better 90 to sleep. He said he
would go to sleep if I would step out and
hand him his trousers.
81 never can sleep he said, without
nv trousers under my head. 1t soothes
me to think that a burglar can't get at
my railroad pass or my pocket comb
without waking me up.
He arranged his trousers under
his pillow and kept quiet for about
two minutes. was doing away
when he punched me and asked If
was awake. I turned around and
found him sitting up in bed, pointing to
a silver dollar lying on each knee OF his
trousers spread before him. He said:
81 can't sleep until that light is tuin-
ed out. Now, | want to toss with you
10 determine whose duty it is to get up
and put out the light.
al tossed, lost and put out the light.
Then fixed myself for good sleep. |
had Just crossed the threshold of the land
of dreams when Ward whispered in
my ear:
".Say. don't you like to sleep with
your head low, well, then, lend me
your pillow l cant sleep unless my
head is high
Another drowsy interval of few
minutes. Bishop; say, Bishop, we are
running our health Have you not read
Professor Smith on sanitary laws OF the
bedroom: He says that those who want
to live to a good old age must sleep with
their heads toward the north. Now, |
feel, by the way my blood circulates,
that we at this moment have our heads
pointing in the direction of the Argen-
tine republic, and that we are both has
tening rapidly to the grave. As l don't
want to be cut off in the midst of my
usefulness, propose that we turn with
our heads the other way.
1--WE reversed our positions. and |
was again wandering off into vague
dreamland, when | received blow IN
the back that awoke me with start.
al think. Bishop, you said you didn't
like to lie with your head high; now |
do, and if it's all the same to you would
consider it favor if you would give me
that bolster you are resting on.
'If any other man had worried me in
that way would have been angry, but
no one could be angry with Ward. If
he had asked me to stand on my head |
think I would have considered it favor
TO be allowed TO do so. ! gave him the
bolster and went to sleep with my head on
my elbow. Twice again my companion
awoke me, the first time to ask me If |
was sure it was in Sc, and not in 81,
that made that trip through Arkansaw.
The second time | awokc Ward was oit