Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-10-05
BORROWED WIT.

n SIe
|: The plumbers favor;te fruit
Plums.
The publishers popular tool-Adze
The lawyers usual garment Ion:
} suit
a young man biting his mustach,
, Is case of down in the mouth
, The mind is like sponge L
should never be allowed to get too
dry.
Silence is golden, but talkativenes'
is only nickle plated. ,.''+
There We're no watermelons in tn.
; Garden of Eden.
BE jabersw exclaimed an Irish
man, I've slept sixteen hours.
: went to bed at eight and got up al
eight"
Il wouldn't mind going up Sc
high," said the hotel guest, ''if the
bill was not made out in the same
way"
Wiggins is discounted already by
a Brooklyn husband. He can always
tell when storm is coming by look
ing in his wife's face.
A girl at the sea beach, who can
swallow bushel basket of flattery on
the pizza, screams if she ships three
drops of salt water when in the
waves -
! Professor-"Here, James, what are
you doing at that ventilator7" James
20, nothing, sir; 1 am only cor
recting an airer'a
Many people in New York who
have moved into new quarters are
afflicted with rheumatism. but they
call 1t spare room atism,
If your colleges would make it a
rule not to receive male students. but
that girls should be embraced in their
classes, it looks as though there
would be more satisfactory attend
ance.
Down in Louisiana they have got
to stealing the corner stones of
churches, and pulpit which can be
made over into a summer house is net
safe unless bolted down.
"Ninty five in the shade in the
city," murmured the seaside landlord.
Gracious, but how l do pity those
poor town people. Here. John. tell
the head clerk to advance the rates
81 per day."
A Kentucky man has ordered a
case of live rattle-snakes from a
wrigging Pennsylvania locality. He
says, that if whiskey is to be pro
hibited, except for snake bites, he
means to have his locality we'll sup
piled
Yes" said the man, ''it's just my
luck, I ordered that lawn mower. to
run early in the morning, to rouse
the snuffing out of that eighbor of
mine, and drat me if they didn't
send one of the new noiseless kind"
! John Shrine, of Wisconsin, started
new religion at seven o'clock the
other morning, and before sundowa
he had 126 believers. You can make
most anything move along in this
country by putting glass of lager
behind il
How old are you, Jacob?' asked
the doctor of an aged Austin Israelite.
Il wash seventy-two years DID," was
the reply. "You may live to be eighty
years of age" l wash afraid not,
Mishter Doctor" replied Jacob.
''vy should the Lord want to take me
at eighty, ven he can take me now at
seventytwo?"
/ A German editor who was chal-
lenged to fight duel refused, and
was still considered a brave man. be-
cause he frankly admitted that even
if he did escape being shot, his
mother in-law would torment the life
out of him for being fool enough to
fight
Several papers are agitating the
subject OF dress reform for women.
and urginS the use of the divided
skirt. AS this will enable woman
to find her pocket in less than ten
minutes. it seems like very sensible
idea.
1t is said. that the right arms of
most men are from one to ain inch and
half longer than their left arms.
Reaching up on the top of the closet
hunting for the tobacco box or the
whiskey bottle is probably the cause
Senator Vance, in his lecture on
"The Scattered Nations" said, the
"Jew is three inches shorter than the
American" 1t may be so, but there
are great many more 'short" Ame-
ricans than Jews in this country all
the same.
'Oh yes" explained Mrs. Sudden
riches, our aunt's sisters were
Knickerbockers all through; and
they used to give balls and parties in
the old cologne days which for swell
lom and style beat the Dutch"
"There is not a cuspidor in the
whole of the House of Commons, or
any of the hotels of England" says
Joseph Cook. No wonder Americans
return to their country, and say
there's no place like home.
"Yes." said the liquor seller. Jim
is a very popular bartender; very
popular, indeed; but I shall discharge
him. He always turns his back on
a customer when the latter's pouring
out drink, when a look of surprise
will stop a man when the glass is
half full
Bald headed men intend holding a
convention this year with the aim of
adopting some stratagem for circum-
venting the fly. One of the measures
proposed is that each member shall
wear banana peel on his crown. in
suring a slip-up and a broken neck
for each depredating insect.
In Boston they ara so cultured that
when a theatre is full down stairs,
and the only vacant space is in the
gallery. the managers hang out a
placard on which is printed Apo
theosis only" by which is meant that
x,,,;ko-e oo,, ek,1l ko ,,1oooI op,nnC 4 l. n