davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
It Wasn't a Mash.

Soon after we left Meridian, on the
way across to Vicksburg, q solemn
looking old chap came into the smoker
and groaned and sighed and took on
like a man terribly distressed, and when
we asked him where he seemed to feel
it the worst, he replied:
Gentlemen, there is q powerfully
good-looking young woman in the next
car, and she asfallen into the hands
Of human hyena."
s" Mop shouted three or four voices
at once.
:" Yes, indeed. He's wicked-look-
ing wolf in sleeps clothing. If mis-
take not, he represents some New En-
gland machinery house. He's squeez-
ing of her hand and a whispering of
his love. and the giddy thing has fallen
right into the trap. couldn't bear to
see it any longer and SO l came in
here. Gentlemen, some of you have
daughters
Yes, there were three of us who had
daughters ranging from two to seven
years old, and we were honest enough
to admit it.
"Just think of your daughters being
kayjoled by Philistine!" he continued.
.He's talking and flattering and prom
ising, and she's somebody's daughter.
Gentlemen. something orter be did,
We agreed. We all lounged in and
saw that she was a good-looking, hap
py-faced girl of twenty. and we returned
and held an Indignation meeting, After
fine display of eloquence and oratory
it was unanimously agreed that if the
masher got off at Jackson, where we
were to wait twenty minutes. the good
old man should go in and tell that girl
what was what. Jackson was finally
reached, and sure enough the human
hyena got off and ran into the hotel. He
was not out of sight when we all en-
tered the car. and the philanthropist
took seat beside the girl and began:
my dear young lady, my heart is
sad-oh, so sad!-for you! You are on
the road to Instruction.
''W-what do you mean?" she fal-
tered.
81 mean that the villain who left Won
moment ago is seeking to ensnare
you"
1.-The v-villain!'
les. ma am. the WOlI In Sneep
clothing-the hyena in human form
the scoundrel whose very look proves
the vileness of his heart. L warn you
to beware of MIN as you would of SER
pent."
why, he's-he's my husbandr' she
shouted at the top of hervoice, and the
next instant she had her fingers playing
through his venerable locks and eXca-
waiting channels down his wrinkled
cheeks.
All of us got away at last and found
hiding places in the baggage and mail
cars-all but the old man. When he
managed to get clear of the bride he
slid off the car and took a Decline up
town, and though he met several people
while in sight of us, we couldn't see
that he stopped to answer any ques-
tions.-DetrOH Free Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
Their Gratitude.

Fer some years past two ladies have
been seen passing daily through Ninth
Street to Prospect Park, Brooklyn, with
ao evidently aged but still notebook
ing Newfoundland dog. He usually
walked slowly and painfully between
them. They often stopped for the ami
NAL to rest, only moving when he
evineed desire to proceed They
were permitted to battle him in the
park lakes. A few months agohe died,
a costly coffin was made for him. and
he was buried in the family lot in
Greenwood Cemetery. Inquiry revealed
that several years ago the ladies,
mother and daughter. were wrecked on
the Jersey coast. While being trans
ferred with the dog from the ship to
the beach the boat capsized. The dog
rescued the daughter, and. returning
through the serf, aided the Life Saving
crew in bringing the half-drownec
another ashore. Brooklyn Eagle.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
Mammoth Milli0imires.

Those who watch the sew mammoth
,1illionairS now cOmiag forward i'm
such numbers from America and Aus
LILA say that one definite reason for
,ireading them is their incapacity for
si.ending their fortunes in amusing
themselves. A man who has made
twenty millions sterkng, say by vast
''.oraers'' in railway shares, finds that.
Unless he goes on making money or is
one of those fOrtunse persons who can
corasinuously devote themselves to an
object, the excess 20 which his fortune
transcends that Of other rich men is of
very little use To- him. He can. of
course. get out Of it all the personal
baxury, in the WAY of fine houses and
good eating, and purple and fine linen
generally, THAI be may happen to wish
tor. but in those things there is for him
no special satisfaction. Anybody with.
say. f50,OO& u year. or other bread
a7d-butter fortune of that kind. can
by all the personal luxury he can en-
ipi, Including in some places social
3eierence, and the mammoth million
aire wants something more. He wants
- feel the value of the difference be-
si,een his resources and those of the
iaerely rich, to do or enjoy something
which they cannot attempt. Elephan-
ine amusements may be amusing, but
.hey are only elephantine, and he is a
mammoth, wants larger trees to crush
Trough, bigger forests to browse in,
deeper swamp in which to gam
Dol and roll. In a little planet like
h - 70 obi 10
desires like the rest of us, to utilize his
special advantage, which is the COM
mand of the modern form of the wish
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS,


BE self-reliant; do not take toe
much advice but rather depend upon
yourself.
"A mules hind leg has only one sea-
-son-it is always a beautiful spring,
even if it is backward. Spring in this
case is always followed by an early fall
An exchange says all the cotton fac
tories in the South are making money.
That is ''queer." Isn't the mint in run.
ming order? Burlington uk-Eye.
Some one wants to know why Nils
son announces every concert she gives
i'm Boston as farewell" Because
she does fare well every time.-Miiton
NeCS.
Here is proof conclusive that pig
may be a fishF A.tautog is fish; an
educated pig is a taught hog; ergo, the
metamorphosis is apparently. Y Id
gertiSer
Baseball fashions for 1888: Fingers
viii be covered with cotton cloth. cut
a la mode, and held in place by splints;
eye-patches will be dark blue in color,
and without fringe; bandages will be
cut bias, and court plaster will be worn
On all occasions. Chicago Times.
"A well-meaning person gives hints
telling '.How to live on seventy-fiye
cents a week" There is such a thing
as being too close, and most editors will
just keep on squandering eighty cents a
week, even if theysee ruin staring them
in the face.-Teras Siftings.
The Toronto Globe has found tie
bane of Manitoba. 1t is the too eager
pursuit of wealth We had an idea that
IL was forty-eight degrees below zero 10
winter and good sleighing all the
spring, but the Globe probably knows
best.--DetroI Free Press.
-''Miss Fitzjoy-aw-are you moi
fond of etchings, -aw-you know they
are deuced clever-some of them are?H
-.Ah. yes, indeed. Mr. Featherweight.
And do you know there is something
about you that reminds me very much
of an etching?" .Why. really-aw-
how charming Eyes. There is
about You such foggy suggestion OF
something that isn't there, you know"
-RGgond Post.
"A few years ago two boys of the
name of John Smith were sent to the
same school where the pupils had
learned that "a rose by any other name
would smell as sweet" Hence they
were more prodigal than particular in
comforting new names upon each other,
but the twin name of John Smith" for
n time staggered them. At last, how
ever, they discovered that one of the
young gentlemen was the son of an
auctioneer and the other the son of
waiter. SO the former was at once
dubbed Going Smith and the latter
Coming Smith, names by which they
are still-distinguished.-Chicago Trib-
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
He Didn't Know The Man.

There was a musical entertainment
in the palatial mansion of Colonel Duby
Bigbug. Miss Birdie Bigbug plays on
the piano. She is not mnch of a player,
but her folks think there is nothing more
for her to learn. Among the guests
was a stranger, who happened to be a
musical genius. After Miss Bigbug had
pounded the instrument until the house
shook to its foundations, a young gen
tleman asked the stranger what he
thought of the young lady's playing.
1T surpasses my expectations, he
replied.
You don't say so," said the delighted
young man.
Yes. do. never expected that it
was possible for anybody to play SO
atrociously as that"
The young man was Tom Bigbug, the
brother of the unsurpassed performer
a fact that the stranger did not discover
until he regained consciousness in the
hospital two hours afterward.-Ieras
,SiftingS.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
ssHard to Bear.n

General Jackson adhered. even dur
ing his Presidency, to certain peculiari-
ties of pronunciation which he had
acquired in his youth. He would, for
instance, pronounce the word derelop-
ment, As though it were written devil
ope-ment, with strong accent upon
cope" Conversing one day with =
foreign Minister who had been educated
cpe-ment-" In the course of n sentence
or two, the Minister pronounced the
word correctly.
Il repeat it, Mr.. -" continued the
President, @this measure is essential to
the devil-ops-ment of our resources.
Really, SIR" said the Minister, Il
consider the Development Of your
country" with marked accent up
on the ret.
Excuse me, Mr.. - exclaimed
the President, "you NAV call it de-ret-
opment, if you please; but say devil
0pe-ment, and will say devfl-0pe-ment
as long as revere the memory of good
old DIR. Waddel1r' referring to a famous
preacher.
Another man, aged and good, but
ignorant and suspicious, was once
greatly disturbed by a word with which
he was not familiar He imagined his
nefghbor Dillon had q grudge against
him, and brooded over the surmise until
he believed Dillon to be his bitterenemy.
His family tried in vain to convince him
to the contrary.
One evening, in 4 ehurch-meeting,
the old man. arose and stated his griev-
ance. Mr.. Dillon could b ardly believe
his ears. He sprang to his feet as the
cd man sat down.
.-Why, my dear brother" exclaimed
he ..you are wholly mistaken. Iyour
enemy! Why. such a thought never
entered my mind. Indeed, indeed. You
are under an hdliueindtiOn;" and the
surprised brother SAT- down, thinking he
had convinced the old man that he was
mistaken. The meeting went on, but
just before il closed the old gentleman
again arose.
..Brothren." said he. in tremz3brs
tones, I've felt bad over this, and il
been pretty hard to bear; but when
Frank Dillon gets up in meetin'- afore
you all an declares that l. eSilt of
hellish notions, an no. voice. not
one, is raised against il, it's-i6s too
much. I've been 3 member kere, 6fty,
years Almost. bus," and he Strengthened
his bowed form. Il shall never come in
here again while such things are said
an accepted"
And it was only after much effort that
the poor old man was made, to UNDER
standthe meaning of the worlhallueina-
tion--Yoxti,.s Companion.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

There is a colored church in New
York City whose leading members have
property valued at $4,000,000.-N Y
Times.
The Reformed Episcopal Church In
General Council at Baltimore resolved
TO celebrate the tenth anniversary of it,
organization December 10 next.
tive never saw the book" re-
marked member of the Baltimore
Board of School Commissioners, in q
ssiiscussion about Introducing . new
grammar.-Baltimore Sun.
Dir. Lyon Playfair, in a recent
speech on the Scotch universities, said
Whereas the English universities
taught man to spend f1,0OO year
with dignity and intelligence, the Scotch
universities taught him to makeit."
DIR. w. w. Macfarlane has offered
:welve-dollar medal as prize to the
young ladies of Hardin College, Mis-
souri,, for the best essayzGn any subject,
filling at least three foolscap pages and
containing no word of more than two
syllables.
boston Univer -ity has now the
largest conservatory of music in this
country, whether measured by the
number in the faculty, the attendance
of students, or the number and excel.
lence of instruments and accommoda-
tons for pupils.-Boston Transcript.
Union Theological Seminary, New
York, has property worth S1.130. 900,
which is an increase of nearly million
dollars as compared with what it pos
sessed ten years ago. Liberal donations
of wealthy friends and the rise in Ger.
tain pieces OF real estate have united to
bring about this prosperous state Of az
fairs--N. Y Sun. FF
Rev. DR.. ID. H. Wheeler, formerly
United States Consul at Genoa. subsc-
quently Professor of English Literature
and History in the Northwestern Uni
yersity at Evanston, ILL.,. and for the
past few years editor of the New York
Methodist, has been elected President of
the Allegheny College at Meadville,
Pa.
"A report from the records of the
courts of France upon the relation be-
tween education and crime describes re-
suits directly opposed to those obtained
in the United States courts. OF $4,000
persons wholly illiterate. five were
criminals; of the same number able to
read and write, six were transgressors,
and of an equal number of persons of
superior instruction, fifteen were under
the ban. Relapses into crime were
found much more numerous among
educated people.-N. Y. Herald.
Nearly two hundred women of
New York, wives of some of the best
known citizens, have petitioned the
Board of Education to make the teach
ing of sewing to girls between ten and
twelve compulsory in the primary
schools A plan of teaching ac-
companies the petition. and pro-
vides that after attaining q certain pro-
ficiency the children may bring their
own work. This is a step in the right
direction. The tendency of our modern
education is too often away from home;
1t trains the brain, but does not make
housewives. But as these good women
point out sewing is of much more i'm
portance to the mother of poor fam
llv than arithmetic, or geography, or
history N Y Ty-;b,fn,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22

The Brooklyn bridge was not tho
only important structure of the kind
opened to public use on the Queens
birthday. On the same day the FIRST
permanent brids e across the Indus be-
came thoroaghfare. If spans the
river at Attock. and. according TO the
London Globs, supplies the great want
which has long been felt on the main
road through Northern India and on
the principal trade route from Punjab to
Central Asia, and promises to be as
beneficial from military as from a
commercial point of view.-ChicaGo
Herald.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22

vent the growth Of weeds. When the
stalks were sufficiently large to throw
out ears suckers were carefully removed
and cured for fodder. The smutty ears
were cut off and destroyed. A good
deal of labor was spent, but the large
yield compensated for all the care be-
stowed.-Chicaqo Times.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22
A Germsn has invenesd a safe IL

"A GefnAan has invenesd safe that,
on its lock being tampersd with. throws
open its doors, seizes and drass and
locks in the burglar, and handcutfs and
holds him in readiness to be conducted
to the Police Court in the morning.
The Yankee is experimenting with
set of books for the use Of county Sffi-
GERS, which, as soon as e fraudulens en-
try is made in them, viii. by means Of
a clever electrical continuance, sound
an alarm on the courthouse BELL
CHICAGO Journal.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22

"A man in New York has refused to
tell, why he attempted suicide. 1t is
probable, however, that in suddenly
turning corner he encountered dude,
and at once perceived that life was
burden.-N. y. News.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22

DAY by day good old citizens gather
around Boston Commons and lament
railroad encroachments and the gradual
ruin of the field. Boston Journal.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22

1t is said that decaying cabbage
will produce diphtheria sooner than any
other nuisance about the house.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22

San Francisco boys have trained a
small dog to steal cocoanuts from the
wharyes for them.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-06-22

cultlvatOr. The former works tbe
ground in the hill itself while the latter
works that between them.
Although the yield of corn in many
States where the natural conditions are
favorable to its growth is only thirty
bushels to the acre, still a hundred
bushels are sometimes produced. To
produce the latter amount no more
land is required and no more plow-
ing and narrowing performed. Extra
care, however, was taken in every OPP
Grafton from the time the seed ears
were selected the fall previous to plant
ing till the crop was put into the crib.
The seed was carefully tested before the
season of planting and the kernels
counted and dropped on finely prepared
soil by hand. In many cases n shovel
full of well-rOtted stable manure or COM
post was placed in the hill before plant
ing the seed. A careful person went
between the rows at the time the sprouts
were making their appearance and re-
moved any small stones, Jumps of earth
Or other substances that might obstruct
the growth of the tender plants. As
soon as the plants We're a few inches
high a handful of wood ashes, land
plaster, or some other fertilizer was
thrown between them. The hand-hoe
was used about the hills in advance of
the cultivator While the plants were
quite small careful watch was kept
fer cut-worms. which were killed before
they had done much damage. If too
many stalks were found in hill part
were removed. If all were destroyed
from any cause new seed was planted.
The hoe, cultivator and pillow were used
as often as occasion required till the
stalks of corn were sufficiently high to
completely shade the ground and pre-
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-05-29

Bosworth Post of the Grand Army Of the
Republic is to be congratulated In having &C.
cured for their orator on Memorial Day one
who viii fully come up to their most ardent
desires ss a speaker. His Honor, Mayor Fox
of the classic city OF Cambridge, Mass, is
very elegant orator and writer, and In his ora
ton as it Is intimated to Us, will strike out
somewhat new and different limo of thought
from what has been followed in previous years
If We are not mistaken, he will impart espec-
tally to the young-the Sons Of Veterans, and
other youth Of both sexes who have grown MP
since the close Of the war Of the Rebellion,
eighteen years ago, much valuable and histo-
riesl information relative to the causes aud
conduct Of the war.
Mayor Fox has himself seen hard service,
having gone ont In that war as q Captain in
the 18th regiment Of Massachusetts volunteers,
which was in the brigade Of Gen. Abercrombic
during the campaign Of 1861 and 1862. On
bis return from the war he was elected to the
command of the Ancient and Honorable Ar
tilery company OF Boston, an organization
dating as far back as 1852. He has been a
member Of the Senate and House OF Repre-
e0ht@elFO' VI AAoo9"Si"SOoto' anu aAbel surviving
in several municipal Offices in Boston and
Cambridge, Is now on his third term as Mayor
Of the university city, which as many of our
readers may not be aware has population Of
$1,000 inhabitants, and valuation OF over
$50,000,000. Mayor Fox also stands high In
institutions of FREQ Masonry, having served
In every position up to Eminent Commander
Of the Consistory OF the 80 degree, and by hold
ing that position being entitled to receive the
33d and last degree.
The committees will visit the several wards
for contributions of flowers for Memorial Day
and 1t is hoped the responses will DO generous.
Woodfords and Morrill's Corner will DO vlgit-
cd today for contributions Of flowers.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-05-29
Brief lettings.

The Masons and Knights of Pythias win
take part in the Fourth of July parade. It is
said that Post Bosworth and the Odd Fellows
will not parade.
Several members of the committee on fire
department went to Old Orchard yesterday to
witness the trial of the new steam engine pur-
chased by that town. The engine arrived
there Saturday.
The Portland Light Infantry will bear in
mind tonight the meeting to make arrange
ments for the celebration of the S0th anniver-
sary.
The regular weekly meeting of the commit
tee of the city government on Fourth Of July
celebration, will be held this week on Thurs
day evening.
Cold, foggy and showery yesterday. with
thunder and lightning. Mercury $40 at sun
rise, $50 at noon, $50 at sunse wind east.
Cleared off at night.
A lad named Springer injured his nose Sc
verely while playing ball, Saturday.
A barrel of sugar fell on Robert McDuffey
yesterday morning. iniuring him severely. DR..
Palmer attended him.
George c. Moore, head clerk at Carter
Brothers, has accepted an offer to become fore
man in room at the Waltham watch fac
tory.
Portland Commandery has voted to go to
Like Maranocook with their ladies, June sd.
The Portland and Rochester is laid with steel
rails from Portland to Cumberland Mills.
Ira T. Woodbury. of this city has entered the
bay gelding Tom Keller in the free-for-all race
at Kenosa Park, Hsverhill, Wednesday.
Stephen Gowen OF Biddeford entered the bay
gelding Camors in the same class.
Subscribers to the purchase Of the fine crayon
portraits of the late Hon. 1. Washburu, Jr., by
Hern, may hand the amount of their subscrip-
tions to Mr.. 81. W. Bryant, Librarian of the
Maine Historical Society, at No. 2l8 Middle
street. The names OF the donors will be in
scribed upon the back Of the portrait
Schooner Julia Ward Of Provincetown, was
recently taken into the dry dock, drawing Isl
feet of water with her full cargo of 100 tons of
ice, and had leak stopped and vessel out of
dock in tvantx-four lours