Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-02-16
F. u N

BADLY MIxED.-Why it was done we
cannot say. but quite number of the
streets Of Anstin have been nsmed after
females. Such names as Emma, Laura
Isabella satire at you in large letters from
almost every corner. The Austin people,
or some Of them at least, have become toll
erably familiar with Maria, Jane, Susan
and the rest, but strangers are liable to be-
come bewildered by this singular nomen-
clature,
A gentleman from Dallas, who had only
q few hours to spend in our city. wished
to take look at the new Capitol, and not
knowing where it was he made inquiry Of
the first man he met.
.Can you tell me how I can find the new
temporary Capitol S'' s.asa i.
THAT'S easy enough. Are you familiar
with Emma street ?"
81 am not. have no acquaintance
with any lady Of that name. There is
family by that name in Dallas, but am
not acquainted with them. Does Emma
Street live near the new Capitol ?"
The Austin man stared at the stranger
for moment, and then. pointing down
Magnolia avenue, he said:
"You see where Maria comes into the
avenue ''
The Dallas man looked in the direction
pointed out. and perceiving fat old negro
woman with big basket on her arm nod
ded his head in assent.
well, you must take Maria until you
corner Elizabeth and until Peggy and
Sarah come together and then you will be
all right"
LOOK here, my friend, IL you think I
am that kind OF man because come
from Dallas you are most confoundedly
OF. want you to understand that am a
gentleman"
sYou dod-gasted idiotl' retUrted the
Austin man, "if was as bad OF for brains
az you are, would bore hole in my
empty skull and hire a nlgger to pour
In ten cents worth of cheap oil eomar-
garine."
The Dallas man shook his Est at the ma
tive, and said:
1--WE always heard That the State Luna
tic Asylum was too small to accommodate
all the lunatices. but now know it. and
be moved off toward Esmeralda, while
the other party leaned up against the cor
ner of Ann and Matilda and glarsd after
him as he disappeared in the direction OF
Martha.
THE SMALL BoY.-The candor of the
ANAL boy is occasionally very distressing
to his friends and relatives. In the wait
ing room OF the Austin depot there was
lady with small boy. and also benevo-
lent-loooking old gentleman, who had
very singular protuberapce on his nose
which attracted the attention Of the youth.
"Mister did God make that round lump
on your nose p "Hush. Johnny" said
the mother. II amt talking to you, ma :
am talking to this gentleman. " THAT'S
wen on my nose, little boy" remarked
the gentleman pleasantly. "What did you
say?" "Wen." 'Thats what I say
when ?" What do you mean, little boy ~
said the gentleman. losing patience just
little. 81 want to know when God made
that lump He made the nose first and
then put the lump on it afterwards, didn't
Hep "Keep quiet, Johnny" but
ma, I'm not talking to you. God had 70
mako the nose first. before He put the
lump on it; for if He made the lump first
He would have no place to put it, would
He?" "Yes." Then you saw God put
the lump on your nose. didn t you; or did
asleep?" Here the boys mother managed
to get him under control, but he broke Out
In q fresh place. "Are you waiting for
she train 7' Eyes, my boy" 'You art
not waiting for the train that went of
yesterday, are you ?' mo am not, son-
n.y. "I thought not because if you was
you would get left. But you didn't tell
me ii you saw God put tie lump.
Here his mother showed her handkerchief
In his mouth, and the scene was over
Tezus Settings.
''Do you see that old man near the frog
pond on the common"
Thirty-two years ago that old man came
20 Boston with one suspender and sore
toe. He also had basket of apples which
farmer in Lexington had given him. He
peddled the apples on Washington street
and Melted eighteen cents the first day
How much do you suppose he is worth
now"
.'Oh million and half" said one.
1.-TWO Millions" cried another.
'sSix millions three hundred thousand"
was the estimate Of q third.
~ give it up" remarked No. 4. "How
much is he WORTH"
''Not an Internal cent, and he still owes
for the basket Boston Globe.
The zodiacal sign for the opening Of
winter is goat. The goat is hard but
ter. and hard butter is almost always
sign that the weather is cold.
The turtle is so slow that he must take
bis house with him when he goes ont for
walk. Otherwise he might not be able to
reach home by bedtime.
An old bachelor says: "It is all nom
sense to pretend that love is blind. never
knew man IN love that did not see ten
times as much in his sweetheart as l
could"
why are those things on your dress call
cd bugle trimmings?'' George wanted to
know. "Oh," Emily replied. lightly, 'be-
cause pa blows so over the bill.''