The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-07-04
Wednesday, July 4, 1888.
COMIC COMMENTS.


=
"a reckless use of numerals: ''How II
! Il that yon, q healthy, robust woman, come
to ask for aims ?" II beg pardon, madam,
but ! am poor widow with five or six chill
dren." Fbegende Bldtttr.
Sol histry: When Mrs F. asked for a
. new bonnet Fogg promptly refused. "a
man aud wife are one he said, "and it is a
duty TO practise self-denial upon all possible
occasions. y Boston Transcript
-Euchred Jack (admiringly)-- You
are trump, Miss Marian!" Miss M
why dc you call me such name as that ?"
Jack (triumphantly) -" Because of your
taking tricks. "-Harcard Lanpcon.
Fortunate mother: A.-"Only spent
two hours in Munich Why, You couldn't
have gone to single picture gallery" b.
.a---"l have no need TO go to galleries. my
Johnny paints himself. y Fhegende Batter.
standing on ceremony: "That was a
hnny story Mr.. Dixon told, Aunt Jessie
die one that made you laugh so much, you
know" Yes. Why didn't you laugh
ioSs OHf uon huOW W.T.. DlAOn Wclk
enough "-London Punch.
AT the club: 81 say, John, this fish is
oct fresh" ooh, yes, sir, it is very fresh. /"
Whatever you may say, you viii not make
ne believe that it has been on the ice.n
Yes sir, it has been but possibly the ice
vas not fresh l"-French Fun.
Trained powers of observation: Art
professor" You have seen the cathedral at
Florence with yout owa eyes. have not
been SO fortunate. What struck you as
most noteworthy in it?' Pupil-"A very
pretty English girl "-FRegende Rlatter.
Not for sale: "No, SIR" indignantly
reclaimed q city official who had been ap-
oroached in way that did not accord with
his notions of his dignity, az will not do it.
Do you suppose will sell my birthright
for nm ounce of potash ?"-B0stOn Tran
rript
The dudes disguise "Did you go to
he grand ball last EVENING"" inquired
merchant of dude. "Yaws, was there"
was the languid reply. What costume did
you wear?" 40, my wegular dwess suit,
ye knaw." "Ah! then you were disguised
as q gentleman. "--Bos'oa Post.
The Jeromes: 81 hear" said Mrs.
shvermine, "that Mr.. Cash has bought
picture by Gerome for which he paid
BIO, co." "You don't say So" said Mr..
Silyermine, laying aside the morning paper;
(which of the Jeromes painted it--Law.
awd TN
Erp 49,
---ln thu way he should go: Father"
said Johnnie, this paper says that many
prominent citizens are now ill with pneu.
monia aud kindred Diseases What is a
kindred disease, father2p "Why, my son.
said Smithly, "a kindred disease isis
why-yes, yes ! a kindred disease is one tha
runs through an entire family-kindred,
relatives, you know Surprised you didn't
know that Johnnie. "-BostoR TRANSCRIPT
Those happy days "Don't you re-.
member me?' Cant say that ever saw
you before" "Why. don't you remember
little Sammy Bambry, who used to steal
Sour peaches and break your windows TWEEN.
y,
certai-ly, l remember you now. And /
tanned your little hide for you when caught
you" lou bet you did Alb, those
happy days will never come again. ~ Te1a
SUtings.
--"spotted": {Mr. and Mrs. Swelling.
ton Jones discussing the success of theii
ball. MY dear, who is that fellow over
there looking ut the pictures 2". Don't
know, my dear" Who brought him
here ?" Don't know, my dear" "Well,
get his name correctly, aud take good care
not to have him here again. He don't talk,
he don't dance, he is very communicating,
and he eats like sixty."-Ne,o York Mail
and Cypress.
"A trade item: Scene-Tobacconi
shop, Dumbarton Rond. Irish Laborer--A
RAPPORT of tobacco, plaise. Shop Girl, snap
pishly-I can't sell o half-penny worth.
irish Laborer-Can't We? Then hand us
penn'orth, me darlint. Gets d pennyworth
Of tobacco, halves it in two, retains one half
y and hands the other to the girl along with .
half-penny. That's the way TO sell q
hapoth. Good evening, mavourneen.
Glasgoto Bdilie
--Problematic Scene-Mexican city in
Northern Mexico; a switch engine moving
cars back and forth on side tracks. A
"gringo" yardmaster to a group of Mexi
can ranchmen who are watching movements
of the engine and cars for the first time
Well, seniors, what do you think of rail
read ?" Mexican senior, reflectively-"
can readily see how that engine moves the
cars, but cannot see how the cars move
the engine. -Rail,oay Age.
Getting even: NJ. Lefebure de Fourcy
was examining student in physics once
upon time, and the young man, being ner-
vous, failed utterly on the first question put
to him-a very simple one. Bring this
gentleman bundle of hay for his break
fast, remarked the disguised professor to
one of the attendants Bring two-the
professor and / will breakfast together
added the student, who thus suddenly re-
gained and asserted his self-possession.
Parts Paper.
Waking it easy Mr.. O'Rafferty has
boy famed Mike that for laziness cannot be
beaten. This assertion is not absolutely
correct, however, for he is beaten for lazi.
ness every day by the old man. After one
of these sad scenes between parent and
child Mike remarked, dismally: 81 per-
save that there is no riazin' of yez. 1t is
wishin' / was dead, I am" at is loike
yerself," retorted the father, "to be wishin'
ye was stretched in an expinsive and con.
vaynient coffin, takin' it asy for the rest Of
yer life. "-1exas Svtiags.
LAST CHANCE ~ Frs GLoRY Last Chance
Is the name of new town on the Northern
Pacific Road. i3G miles from Portland. The
town is composed OF one barber shop, three
China wash houses six restaurants eioM