Daily Los Angeles herald., 1883-10-18
A THOUSAND WIVES,
A BaS Boys Ideas Regarding
the Wisdom Of solomon.

oet you ueoO ~ Es5ps Ace
ere overworksd. Your alleged
brain is equal to wiIted lettuce,
and It can devise ways and means
to hide rotten peaches under
good ones, 10 as to sell them 70
blind orphans. but when it comes
to graspiDg great questions your
small brain cannot comprehend
them. Your brain may 60 up
sideways TO o great question, and
rub against it, but It cannot sur
round it and grAsp It. That's
where you are deiormed. Now II
Il different with me. / can raise
brain to sell TO you grocerymen
! Listen. This Solomon is credited
with being the wisest man, and
yet history says he had 9 thous-
and wives. just think OF it. You
have got one wife and pa has got
one, and all the neighbors have
Ngot one. II they have any kind Of
>Sdvk Does not one wife make
: you pay attention. Wouldn't
two wives break you upq
Wouldn't three make you zee
stars2 How would ten strike
youi Why, man alive, you d.
not grasp The magnitude Of the
statement that Solomon had =
Thousand wives. Standing side
by side. they would reach four
blocks. Marching by fours it
would take them twenty minutes
to pass given point. The largest
summer resort hotel only holds
about Eve hundred people, SO
Sol would have had to hire two
hotels il he took his wives out for
a day ia the country. II you
would stop and think once in a
while you would know more.'
The grocery mans eyes began
to stick out as the bad boy con-
timed. as though the statistics
had never been broughtto bis at
tsntion before, but he was bound
10 atand BY his old friend Solo
mon, and be said: "WeII Solo
mons wives must have been dif-
fereni from our wives Of the pre-
sent day
sNot much" said the boy, as
be saw he was paralyzing the
grocery man. "Women have
/ been the same ever since Eve.
She got mashed on the old orr
ginal dude, and il stands to rsa-
son that Solomon's wives we're no
better than the mother of the hu-
! man race. Htatiaties show that
one woman out Of every ten is
red-hssdsd. That would give
Solomon an even hundred red
headed wives. just that hundred
nd headed wives would be enough
10 make an srdinary man think
that there wAs . land that il fairer
than this. Then there would be,
out Of the other nine hundred,
about three hundred blondes, and
ne other nix hundred would be
| hruneltes, and may be be had .
/ few albinos and bearded women
and fat dwarfs. Nov, those
thousand women had appstitss.
dosirss for dress and style, the
| nAms as other women. Imagine
| solomon saying to them: Giils.
/ let's al go down to the ice cream
saloon and have . dish Of ice
| cream. Can you, with your brain
! muddled with Goldfish and new
potatoes. realize the sceno that
would follow? Suppose. after
Solomon's broom brigade bad got
seated in tho creamery, one q the
red-he aded wives should catch
solomon winking at strange
eirl at another table You may
think Solomon did not know
enough 10 wink, or that hess was
not that kind Of flirt, but he
mnsr have been or no never could
have succeeded in marrying q
thousand wives, in . sparaely set
tied country. No, cir, It looks 10
me as though Solomon. in all his
glory, was an old masher, and
from what / have seen Of men be-
ING bossed around with one wife
don't envy Solomon his th0us-
; and. Why. just imagine that
eauQ Of wives going and ordering
fall bonnets. Solomon would have
to BE- . king. OF q Vanderbilt to
stand it. Ma wears Eve dollar
silk stockings, and pa kicks aw-
fully when the bill comes in.
Imagine Solomon putting up fo'
few Thousand pairs Of silk
stockings. l am glad you will
slt down and reason with me in
a rational way about some Of these
Bible stories that take my breath
away. The minister stands me
OF when ! try to talk with him
about such things, and tell mt
10 study the parable Of the Prodi
gal Son, and the deacons tells ms
to go and soak my head. There
it darn little encouragement for I
boy to try and figure out things
How would you like TO have ,
thousand red-headed wives com,
into the store this minute and tel
you they wanted you to send car
riaQes around TO the house at
o'clock, 20 they could go for
drive? Or how would you like t,
have q hired gih come rushing
ia and tell you TO send up 81
hundred doctors, because six hun
dred Of your wives had been take
with cholera morbusf Or"
20, don't meption IT," said th
grocery man with shudder. '
wouldn't take SoIomon's plac