Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-21

A cooling ember--Nov ember.-
Free Press.
A Fourteenth street store adver-
tises "real imitation lace."-Ex.
81 claim the right of way" says
the hay scales in the street.-Ex.
The age at which many marry
the parsonage.-New York Star.
A nod thing in bonnets-a sleep.
ing beauty in church.-New York
Journal.
A sign of an early fall-a bar OF
soap ON the cellar steps.-New York
Journal.
Singular that electric light com
panies should be so largely composed
of heavy men.-Ex.
"Why are you SO distant ?" said a
tramp to beefteak in the restau-
rant window.-Chicago Herald.
Aided by its 400 physicians, Gin
cinnati is enabled to boast of one of
the finest cemeteries in the world
Ex.
A new style of writing paper is
called dude" We infer that it is
a kind Of foolscap.-Yonkers States
man.
A man may ''smile," and be a vii
lain, but the betting is two to one that
he will be drunk.-Cincinnati Trav-
eler.
What has the New Orleans Picay-
une got against blacksmiths ? Itsays
the Chicago Times is edited by one.
Free Press.
A schoolboy remarks that when his
teacher undertakes to "show him what
is what" he only finds out which is
switch.-Ex.
A young lady who has been teased
out of ten dozen copies of her photo
graphs, calls her friends begging n
picture-ask pcrformance.-Ex.
We observe that the son of an In
dian chief is learning to be a plum
Der. This will enable him to scalp
people without the aid of a knife
Philadelphia Call.
A Philadelphia lawyer, too proud
to allow his friends to suppose that he
practices in the divorce courts, adj
vertises "misft marriages a specially"
Philadelphia Item.
care you going to follow the sug.
gestion of the railway officials and
adopt the mean timer" No, indeed
My watch keeps mean time enough
now."-Milton News.
"Did you ever think what you
would do if you had the Duke of
Westminister's income ?" Village
pastor: "No, but / have sometimes
wondered what he would do if he
had mine. London Baptist.
Ada Richmond's new piece, written
by Joaquin Miller, is entitled "Tallo
Ho." Not bad name for q stage
piece. The actors ought to get well
coached in such play, and it ought
to have a good run.-Folio.
The Christian at Work contains an
article entitled: "How to Make
Wife Insane" we shall not reproduce
the article; and we are surprised that
a journal, claiming to be a religious
teacher, should print such a recipe
Norristown Herald.
"Then, if l understand you," said a
merchant to a customer, "you do not
intend to pay me the amount you
owe." "Your understanding is cor
rect, cop'n." "And you call yourself
an honest man, do you ?" eyes, sir.
If | were not honest l would tell you
that | intend to pay; but being hon
est, | do not wish to deceive you."-
Arkansaw Traveller.
---------
A man rushed up to woman look
ing in show window, and grasping
her by the arm, angrily exclaimed,
"Come on ] am tired of waiting for
you." Then noticing that he had
made mistake, he drew back with,
"Oh, beg your pardon, madam, l
you for my wife," 81 thought
So" she answered with scornful
sneer, and passed on. - Merchant
Traveller.
"Please, sir, there's nothing in the
house to eat" said Browns landlady.
"How about the fish | sent in Y
'Please sir, the cat ave eat them"
"Then there's some cold chicken"
'Please sir, the cat" WASN'T there
tart of some sort ?" "Please, sir, the
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