The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-01-25
Mlanitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, JANUARY %, 1882.
WIT AND HUMoR.

WI 11Aso AoA ASA1
A Dutch bulb-A burgomaster nose.
The shorter the tunnel the sweeter the
kiss.
BLOOD will tell" so be careful how
you make confdants of your relations.
Aminadab says the balance of trade
is generally some two ounces short.
You can hold an opinion more firmly
than you can clutch hornet.
Men who have money to loan take
the greatest possible interest in their
business.
Time works wonders" as the wo-
man said when she got married after a
thirteen years courtship.
Some people object to the practice Of
feeling walters, but does not the smiling
morn tip the hills with gold?
Why are the top punches in a box of
raisins like hens in hay loft? They
are the upper layers.
Inquirer-No; that mysterious .false
prophet of the Soudan is not wealth
er prophet"
A man in Syracuse boasts that he has
had 302 colds in the head in one year.
He'd better rent his head for an ice
box.
"What would you do, Mr.. NJ, if your
wife died?" asked Mrs. d. Mr.. M.
{who is very methodicaD-'I would
bury her."
Some of the Asiatics are now cooking
their meals on Yankee stoves. This is
preferable to the old styles of serving
up Yankees on Asiatic stoves
1.-THE stage-driver, in describing the
steepness of certain Vermont noun
tain, said that ''chain litenin' couldn't
90 down it without breechin' on"
When rain falls, if she gets the bigger
half of the umbrella, they are lovers; ii
he takes the bigger half, they are mar
ried.
Buffalo Bill has at last found mana
ger willing to take him to England, but
what the public will next want to know
is whether he is to be left there or not.
Would-be rivals of Mrs. Langtry in
beauty hold humps of ice to their cheeks
when they arise in the morning. This
is an ice way to avoid using rouge.
Calino is in deep mourning. "Have
you lost someone?" friend asks. "Alas,
no; it is my lease which has just ex-
piredn'
The traveller in England always no
tees singular anomaly-the weather
is always wet and the people are al
ways dry.
Stage-robbers run only one chance in
fifty of being hurt in their feelings. 1t
is the passengers that usually suffer in
that way.
The man who travels one thousand
miles in one thousand hours may be
tolerably quickfooted; but he isn't a
touch to the woman who keeps up with
the fashions.
A New Jersey Judge has decided
that it is not threat to tell a man that
you will walk around ON his collar-bone.
1t is merely a preamble to roll in the
| mud and no one hurt.
The verdict of the coroner's jury at
| Tunbridge Wells on the death of child
was: The child was suffocated, but
| there is no evidence to show that the
sutfocation was before or after death"
Bacon was the man who said "the
| best part of beauty is that which a pict-
| ures can not express" The old man
had evidently had his photographs ia
ken, and just got the proofs.
The signal-service station on Pixies
Peak is 14,080 feet above the level of
| the sea. The operators will have to
provide themselves with long fish-lines
| if they catch anything.
1t is only fifty years ago that the first
locomotive was built in Philadelphia.
No wonder that no more than 5000 rail-
| road men were killed last year. Give
the locomotive time to develop.
A very pretty girl in Missouri pre-
vented a collision by waving her apron.
Had she remained out of sight the re-
| suit would have been the same, how
ever, as then the engineers would have
been watching the track instead of
looking at the pretty girl.
| Miss Mary Hobart Is lecturIng IN Phil
adelphia on ''How to Wash a Baby"
In city where hydrants and garden
hose are so plentiful it would not seem
that lecture of this kind would pay.
The Italians have gone into the Gre
nation business more extensively than
any other nation. An Italian widower,
who is permitted by custom to marry
again in few weeks, can't bother to
keep anybody's grave green.
A New York bank keeps man out
| side the railing for no other purpose
than to say Next window to those
who 60 to the wrong one. 1t would
take six men to direct all who 60 to the
wrong window in Chicago banks.
A young lawyer recently said that he
had settled in certain town to try and
make an honest living. when a bystand-
er facetiously remarked that he ought
to succeed, as there was not much COM
petition in his profession.
A London newspaper has an article
on THE Emotional Language of Bees"
The language of a bee is not an emo
tional as that of man who is bitten by
the tail end of the insect. Nor as en-
phatic and sulphurous.
1t is during these days of business
that clergyman, on selecting a chap
ter of the bible to preach from in
church, first looks at the end of the last
verse to make sure that no patent med
icine advertisement is hitched on. g.
what kind of a picture would you
prefer, miss7' inquired photographer
of young lady customer. "Well."
was the reply, take me with an ex-
preston as if l were writing poem on
love-"
Julia, my little cherub, when does
your sister Emma return?" Julia-''I
don't know" Didn't she say any
thing before she went away?" Julia
''She said, if you came to see her, that
she'd be gone till doomsday."
1 From singing-school the lover comes