National Republican., 1883-01-25


III c. Dodge In Whitehall Times.
IT is the waltzing young woman who knows
the pleasures of the whirled. .H u
A MOBILE merchant object to being called
millionaire because his name happens to b.
Damrlch.
A LITTLE child Of seven or eight said that
when the Bible speaks of "childrens children"
1t must mean dolls.
LUCK is the result of good Judgment. Ono
need not expect to find the four-leayed clover
when there is snow on the ground.
"CoAL OIL JOHNNY" " is getting rich with
all elevator at Kcarny, Neb, but ho giveth no
more diamonds to the end-men Of tho minstrel
troupes.
An oyster has been known to open its she'll
to hear the music of an accordion. If there was
any doubt about the stupidity the bivalve this
settles 1t
THE medical student has been known to
rob graves in the interest of science. lie expects
to be able to fll them again soon he secures
his diploma and commences to visit the sick.
| LYNCHINGs are now such frequent neces-
sity at Deadwood that they propose to erect q
practical gallows which will not only be very
much more convenient, but save wear and tear of
the trees.
DEATH in the steamboats,, death in the cars,
death in the hotels death In crcuses death every
where. Is the planet getting overpopulated, that
natural causes do not remove the surplus fast
enough?
A LADY has written n story called My
Husbands Secret" 1t is supposed she discovered
1t by sneaking softly down stairs and peepng
| through the keyhole when he brought from its
hiding place bottle labeled "cough mixture"
THE late Prince Karl, of Prussia, is said to
have smoked from eighteen to twenty four cigars
every day during the last sixty years. III, ,ary
death, at the age of 50 years, is a awarning which
all anti tobacconists will welcome an argu-
ment.
THE funny man now has the weather man
by the throat. When the weather man meets the
funny man he always says, "Is Chilli" 81 Bo-
| llvia" replies the funny man, and the weather
man goes off and kills himself-EdnsaS Cty
Journal.
GEN, BOOTH, the commander-in- chief of
tho Salvation army has dismissed three officers
who had been presented with gold watches as
gifts from their odmiring friends He called 1t
bribery and corruption, and their expulsion was
u summary proceeding.
No one in the world but an Irishman can
make bull funny. In Dublin paper some tme
since was biographical notice Of RobesperTe
which concluded as follows: "This extraordinary
man left no children behind him, except his
BROTHER who was killed at the same time"
MINISTER LOWELL has been delighting
London audience with his lecture on Don Qui.
xote,'' with illustrative readings. Richelieu Ro.
bnson ought TO come promptly to the front with n
resolution of inquiry, asking what business an
American IN mister has to entertain the bloody
Englishmon.
A RUSSIAN nobleman is said to be driver
of the smallpox wagon that plies between various
parts OF Chicago and the pesthouse.S This is
| 10 70 mt mol, In ia
cratic country. 1t is the only way in which they
can protect themselves against being captured
) and married off.hand by some of our ambitious
young women.
An amusing incident occurred at we'd
ding ceremony in Il Providence r. L., church
few days ago. The service was delayed over an
hour by the dilatorlness of the bride, and the
company were getting restless when the organist
relieved the tedium of waiting by playing the
tune, "oh, Dear, What Can the Matter Be?"
DEAN RAMSEY related somewhat remark
able conversation he had overheard in Scotland.
The conversation relates TO plaid hanging ut Tho
shop door. Customer (inquirlng of the materlnll-
: 90? wool? Shopkeeper-Ay, 90 (yes, of wool.)
, Customer-A oo2 (all woolO shopkeeper-Ay, a.
{ 90 (yes all wool0 Customer--A ae oe (all same
, wool p shopkeeper-Ay, a. ne 90 Ces, all same
woo)
A BosToN critic complains that Mr.. How.
CHS SHOWS us SO lew men lnhJ uTc worm inc KNOW
ing. Z" His likeable men very few ! his only
= loyable one Don IppOlito. Are there no other
L men than those he draws for us? Are men in
t general so uniformly disagreeabe?" In Mr.. How
ellis new story, which opens so admirably in tie
current Century, he introduces retired sea cap
tain who promises to be one Of the most agreeable
, of men.
4 THE Manchester IN. H. Union tells about a
}, lady who entered store In that city ana asked
= fn a twn. InOu Dpinp in-
Il formed by the storekeeper that he had only those
of the three cent denomination, she replied that
o she understood that they had been marked down
S to two cents-she had read 1t in the paper. "Wel
o we haven't marked down here yet; perhaps they
II have at the postonice" returned the shopkeeper,
IS "you had better inquire there" She went.
:, A coNsTABLE's life in Nevada is not ale
:, ways a happy one One of them who is also edi-
Il tor of the Ruby Hill Minfn0 NGios in retiring from
x Office says in his paper We step down and out
5 with feeling Of relief, We are u few grains
n heavier than when we assumed the Responsible
10 ties Of keeping the peace Of this neighborhood,
II having during that time acquired what might be
" termed lead poisoning. Weyburns bullet we con-
tinually carry in our lung, and 1t is constant ro-
is minder to us that life is uncertain, Since we
have been constable OF this town our receips from
that office have been $500 less than what 1t cost us
IL to got partially cured of our bullet wound
II A WRITER in the New Haven Erening Reg
isier relates an incident which bears lesson with
II. As q young lady walked hurriedly down State
street upon bleak November day her attention
g. was attracted to q deformed boy coming towards
~ her carrying several bundles. He was thny clad,
s. twisted his limbs most strangely he walked
g. and looked before him with vacant stare Just
c. before the cripple reached the brisk pedestrian,
IS. he stumbled, thus dropping one bundle, which
nj broke and omptled string Of sausnges on the
~ sidewalk Two richly dressed ladies (0 near by
- held back their slken skirts and whispered quite
CT audibly " How horridl" while several passed by,
" amused by the boys look Of blank dismay, gave
III vent to their feelings in half suppressed laugh
10 and then went without taking further interest
10 All this increased the boys embarrassment lie
u stopped to pick up the sausages only to lei
~ fall another parcol when, in despair, he stood
W W and looked at his lost spolls. In an instant
W W the bright faced stranger stepped TO the
% boys side, and said in u tone of thorough
,o kindness: "Iet me hold these other bundles
10 while you pick up what you have lost" In duml
io astonishment the cripple handed all he held tc
,o the young Samaritan, and devoted himself tC
Wv securing his cherished sausages. When these
IL were again strongly tied in the coarse torn paper
lv her sklllful hands replaced the parcels on his
~ sorawney arms as she bestowed on him a smile O.
nj announcements and said al hope you havn't fa
Ys to gop The poor fellow seemed scarcely TO heal
IN the pirs peasaut words; but looking at her with