Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-03-02
THE WANDERING WIT.


Experience, the shroud of illusions.
Is a man who bulls the market a
stock-raiser2
There was too much Polk for a
shilling in Tennessee.
Money may be tight, but change is
always loose.
Whisky is leading spirit in ali
social circles.
1t is the sunshine itself that makes
every shadow
There should be Days as well as
Knights of Honor.
Young doctors have been spoken
Of as patient walters.
A poor man may be honored,
though his draft is not
The life of young lawyer killed
by work is all too brief
When the due is on the rye it is
time to pay the whisky bill.
Drinking between drinks is what
ruins the American constitution.
A young man of high hopes and
ambitions will not have low habits.
The man who stands too high in
his own estimation is apt to become
dizzy
Perfection does not mean excel
lence, especially in a case where one
is perfect idiot.
The patent chicken incubators have
thrown hens out of great deal of
on-nest employment.
Michael Davitt says he relies solely
on moral dynamite to cause John
Bull to come to terms.
A reader wants to know of what
use is the letter k in knife" Merely
q handle to the weapon.
The secondhand philanthropist is
one who engineers charities and
makes others foot the bills.
Malaria is played out as fashion
able disease. Cirrhosis of the liver
now takes the cake in high circles.
Gen. Butler will live at hotel in
Boston during his term Of Office, if
he carries out his present intention.
New Orleans Picdyune: Cocoanut
shells ground in quantities and mixed
with black pepper indicate that the
season will be mild.
Baltimore claims to have the cham
pion mean man. She can have him
we've got enough second-rate ones
here to last for some time.
Gen. N. p Banks is away up il
the coldest part of New Hampshire
lecturing on The Republic. Will it
Endure!" It certainly will.
"Once-a-Month" is the title of a
literary paper selected matter-pub,
lished by the Young Mems Christian
Association at Rome, New York. 1t
is quite often enough.
A certain kind of hard wood is
without honor or much profit in its
own country. Birds eye maple that
is used for tirewood in Michigan Is
sold in Liverpool for $lGO a thousand.
An Abilene, Kan, preacher de
clined raise of 500 the congrega-
ton offered him. He gave as a
reason that the hardest part of his
ministerial duties had been the
collection of his salary, and he did
not want the annoyance added to.
A strong effort is being made to
have the tax on whisky and tobacco
removed. If this is effected, pool
people can worry along with the
present price of beef. boots and
bread. The necessaries of life must
be made cheaper.
Retired West End Orator Ito neigh
bor) )-"Did ye notice that Ward
Beecher his glen up the doctrine o
original sin?' Neighbor-"Am sur
prised at ye talkin' aboot origina
sin. A. the men I ken hinna enough
originality to hae original sin
There's is copied!"
A Green Bay man sold horse anC
COW and wagon in order to presen
his wife with $1,000 in gold on Christ
mas. She was just waiting for lif
of this kind to enable her to elOp'
with a resident of Milwaukee. How
ever, he's got the nerve to grin all,
say he's glad to get rid Of her ST
cheap.
Five men leaned up against tn
bar for night-cap. One DRAM
whisky because the doctor ordere,
it: two others drank hot Scotcl
because they couldn't sleep q win
without it; a fourth drank brand,
for his cholera morbus, and the tiftl
man drank whisky because he like,
it. And there were only four liar
In the crowd.
Il say, father" observed an irrey
erent passenger on a ferry boat to
good priest whose mule was display
ing signs of uneasiness as the bar
pushed of, your mule seems uneasy.
My son" said the priest, with mil
reproof, "some of these days whe
you find yourself with only a thi
plank between yourself and eternity
halter around your neck. and
priest patting you on the shoulder
you'll be great sight uneasier'n thi
'ere mule"
"Ex-Senator Lane, Of Indiana. VIII
died year or two ago, came to tn
Ebbitt House for number of wear
to spend his winters in Washington
He was once asked if he liked musi,
He replied that he could endur
music as we'll as any man he kne,
anything abont. The average citize
who applauds the beautiful renderin
OF certain musical gems is probabl
IN the same situation as ex- Senat.
Lane, if he were honest enough t
confess It,"