Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-12-28
Fg TN

SOMETHING BETTER THAN FAME -
ssDe odder night" began the president
as the Club came to order, 'sde ole man
Birch cum ober to my cabin an cried be-
kase he had not BEGUN great an famous
man. Dat sot me to fnHin'.
"Cicero was great man, but cannot
find it on record dat he cher took any mo-
comfort dan Samuel Shin does. Samuel
has huff to eat an drink an war, an OF
an ebenin be kin set down in snug
coner an eat snow apples an read de pa
per. sHe am harmless to de community
as he am. Make a great man Of him an
he might invent new sort O. religun. or
originate a new theory in pollytics. or do
= sumthin' or other to upshot de minds OF
half de people.
Demosthenes was great man, but l
can't find dat a coal-dealer % collector
could put his hand on him when wanted,
as he kin on Giveadam Jones. You can't
find dat his wife was good cook, or dat
he had bathroom in his house, or Gu
palo on his ba' n, OF dat he relished his
dinner any better dan Brudder Jones does
while he had de same chilblains an head
aches an nightmares. As Giveadam now
Ibis an circulates children kin play with
him, wood. piles in his nayborhOod am safe
an mo- dan one poor family am indebted
to him fur shillin' in money or basket
of taters. Make him great philosopher
an who kin tell how many rows an riots
an broken heads could be laid to his door.
Plato was great man. but can't find
dat he was fed on pertickler fine beef or
mutton, or dat his tailor gin him an extra
fit. or dat he got discount when he
bought ten pounds of sugar all at once.
When Waydown Bebee gifts sot down in
front of his cookstove. checker-board
on his lap an painful of pop corn at his
right band, wild pickaninnies r0llin' Ober
each udder on de foo. he am takin'
heap mo- comfort dan Plato cher dreamed
of. He has no soarIn' ambisbun. He
neither wants to save de world nor Spite it.
He makes no predickshuns fur people to
worry oher. an his theories nebber jar de
dishes off de shelf. Make him great
man an his comfort an happiness fly
away. an be sots himself up to teach an
command an hecum eberyb ody's antago-
MIST.
De man who siehs to trade far wages,
a warm honse, an peaceful h'arthstun
fur de glory Of Bonapart am a dolt.
De man who sacrifices his clean, hum
BILE cabin his easy ole coat, his corn-cob
pipe. an his, pitcher o. slider fur de CAB of |
an orator CT de delushuns of a philoso-
pher, trades his later fur wind-fall apples.
Let US pureeed to bizness. ''-Detroh Free
Press.
A MOTHERS DIsAPPoINTMENT.- A
Detroit lawyer who had business in one
Z of the Northern counties short time ago
put In night at farmhouse. It was a
5 log structure containing two rooms and /
such furniture as pioneers get along with.
The family consisted Of an old man, his
3 wife, and girl of 20, who was slashing
around barefooted and had fist like a
slugger. After supper the old woman
took q seat in front OF the lawyer and sud
denly asked
Do you wear sich fine buds all the
time ?''
'All the time, madam"
+ Is that a real diamond in your shirt 2"
1T is.'' 4
And heard you tell the old man you
had horse and buggy at home ?''
Eyes, ma 'am.'' at9~
''And that watch and chain are real
gold. I suppose ?''
Yes, the real stuff
Cost as much as SCOOP
Yes, over $500"
My Stars. Why, you must get as
much as $40 month and board 9" She
gasped.
Madam, l sometimes make $50 per
day. he placidly replied.
''Sbo Why you are worth thousand
dollars z"
Yes. ten times that
STARS and stars!''
There was an interval of silence as she
recovered fromher amazement. Then she
tiptoed to the corner of the house to see If
there were any eavesdroprers Ginning
back she walked up TO the lawyer and
dropping her voice to a whisper and said 4
Say. We've Teen saving Sally these
last two years for the boss of saw mill
four miles up the creek, but if you are
struck on her and she IS struck on you,
/ | III run the old man six miles through the |
brush after preacher to do the splicing. =
The lawyer had to decline on the ground |
Of haviDg.a wife in Detroit. and the old
woman felt SO bad that tie husband had |
to rise at midnight, and male her mus
tard plaster.-Detroi: Free Press.
AN EDITORS TROUSERS An editor |
in Chicago recently 2ordered pair of |
trousers from the tailor. On trying them
on they proved to be several inches too
long. It being late on Saturday night. the
tailor's shop was closed. and the editor
took the trousers to his wife and asked
her to cut them off and hem them over
The good lady, whose dinner had perhaps
disagreed with her, brusquely refused
The same result followed as application to
the wife's sister and to the eldest daugh-
ter. But before bedtime the wife .elent-
ing. took thes pants. and cutting off six
inches from the legs, lemmed them up |
nicely and restored them to. the closet
Half an hour later her daughter taken
with conjunction for her un6lial conduct,
took the trousers, and cutting off six |
inches, hemmed and replaced them. FL
nally. the sister in-law felt the pangs of
conscience, and she too performed an ad-
ditional surgical operation on the garment.
When the editor appeared at breakfast on
Sunday the family thought Highland
chieftain had arrived.