Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-12-21
WIT AND Iiy'Ianls.

John Kelly is perfectly willing that Gov
ernor Cleveland should steer the shin of
state, if Tammanv Hall is allowed to fur
nish the wind IOnkerS Statesman.
Many hotel servants are now complaining
OF the wrcichcd quality of the food given to
them. We don't blame them one bit, ifthcy
have to live On the same stuff that is served
to the guests -Lo'eeH Citizen.
An "admircr of Beechef" in the New Yo,l,
World wants statue erected to Brook lyn's
celebrated divine. As long as Mr.. Becchcr
remains in s,atu quo his admirers will be
content.-B0Ston transcript.
Ii strange plantet should strike the earth
and knock it TO flinders, there would he
heard above the crash of matter and the
wreck of worlds the voice of O'Donovan
Rosa yelling, "1kncw all about it L planned
it myself. "-I'hiladelphm CaM
patent has been granted in Washington
for "hen's nest" Unless the hen is claimed
TO the nest, it is doubtful if she can be Ic.
strained from laying her eggs in some out.
the-way place where they will not be dis.
covered until they are ipc enough To
tender to amateur uamlets. No,1istoon
Herald.
The young man who pays $50 for suit Of
| clothes is always ready TO borrow the money
from another man vino pays $50 suit
There's moral TO this, boYs.-Wocaanj
Trdreller.
The attention of Sullivan is respectful,
| called to the fact that lots of women arc
ready to make matches with men t@ice lhci!
size. Is this according to the M4iUqis Of
Queensbury rules ?-Ol city D5Gfch.
LANDS are measured in rods, leagues and
? forth y said thp tporIor :,
a surveyor Z" "A land leagupr.N shouted
one of the boys, .-Noo York Con.mercial Al
certiseF.
A man who advertised TO pay $500 for the
'hrst cotton bale" was surprised to learn that
II was SO numerous, and located in 50 many
different Localities in the South, that it would
cost him $500, 000. -NorristO,cu UcraH.
Inc man that parts his hair in the middle
ana wears dude eyeglasses may have Trains,
but it's no fault Of his. He inherits them. -
l0nEorS Statesman.
When SHAKESPEARE wrote "All the worlds =
Stage, ana all the men and women merely
payers, the great drama,st could not have
had me ianlest idea of how many there
would be in the nineteenth century anxious
10 play us Nomco oras Juliet. -Lo,-eN citizen
Can hang up my stocking Christians
eve naln'na Yes, dear ii You are real
good little girl" con- won't that he mic,
WIN santa Claus put piano in - you
mustn't talk that way. darlrg." "Why,
mamma: Is it naughty" "No, dear; bu,
u anybody should hear you ask siich n oues,
tion they might think you were Il Chicago
glrl,-N. Y. UorniHg JoHmol.
Weather strips" slys an advertisement,
winch may be seasonable, although every.
BODY knows that warm weather is most con.
ducive TO The stripping process. But, com,
10 ,nlnK oil H. '"Ii weather strips the trees
-B0st0a STIR,
The wine cup is the father Of sin; and III,
whlskcY ilr is the stcp-falhcr- " \. C0Dl
mocial ideeIti,er.
| \ party o! young a.ics attended t. cliur,l
soc'hl IN Ellzibcthan costume, and when ,b,
| lotfl paper sud that thi fair wn. visited Ii,
| runs noloiY caught on to tie ir',r. Bos,yI
| Transcript.
Clara Morris states that n, one time sh, GO
cup ed the position Of leading lady Tor lbil,y
tlvc dollars a week, ut which time she wa,
| supporting her mother. She ncglrcts it
Fair. """1
A New York man has asked for n divorce
because a moustache Is sprouting on hi.
wires lip. AS rule, it makes "A man NM
TO have any moustachc on his wilc's In hur
his own. -MdtdletOrn 7ran@yipt
we always admired masquerade balls. LIS
SO nice to squeeze little lump of condensed
sweetness for one straight hour, and then find
eutyou've only been hugging yonr Young sis.
ter Chicago Telegram.