Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1883-08-18

ne broke them all Dy taking aOou'
what an appetite they had for cham
payne punch when they were out IL
camp last summer, and they couldn I
have any effect on him, and so ma said
she guessed would have to exercise
my ingenuity on pa again, so | told her
that il she would do just as said, me
and my chum would cure pa
so ne would swear off. She said
she would, and went to work. First |
took pas spectacles down to an opti-
clan on Saturday night, and had the
glasses taken out anu pair put In
that would magnify, aud | took them
home and put them in pas spectacle
case. Then | got suit OF clothes
from my chnm's uncle's trunk, about
half the size of pas clothes. My
chum's uncle is very small man, and
pa is corpulent Igot plug hat three
sizes smaller than pas hat, and took
the name out OF pas hat and put it In
the small hat. | got a shirt about
half big enough for pa and put his
initials on the thing under the bosom,
and got No. IA collar. Pa wears q
II. Pa had promised to brace up and
90 to church on Sunday morning. and
ma put these small clothes where pa
could put them on | told ma when
pa walked up to tell him he looked
awful bloated, and excite his curiOs.
ity, and then send for me"
You didn't play such a tick as
that on a poor old man, did your said
the grocery man.
"You bet. Well, ma told pa he
looked awlully bloated. Pa said be
guessed be wasn't blOated very much,
but he got up aud put on his spectas
Giles and looked at himself in the glass.
You'd dide to see him look at him
self. His face looked as big as two
faces through the glasses, and his nose
was a sight. Pa looked scared, and
then he held up his hand and looked
at that. His hand looked like ham
Just then came in and turned pale,
with some chalk on my face. and |
began to cry, and | said; 70. pa, what
ails you? You are so swelled up /
hardly know you" Pa looked sick to
his stomach, and then he tried to get
on the pants. Oh. my, it was all |
could do to keep from laughing to see
him pull them pants on. He could |
Just get his legs 10, and when l
got shoe horn and gave it to him he
was mad. He said it was a mean boy |
that would give his pa a shoe horn to
put his pants on with. The pants |
wouldn't come around pa into ten
inches, and pa SAID be mus have eat
something that disagreed with him. |
aud be laid it to watermelon. Ma
stuffed her handkerchief in her
mouth to keep from lsfhng when she |
see pa look at hisself The legs Of
the pants we're so tight pa couldn't |
hardly breathe, and he turned pale |
and said; 'Hennery, your pa is a
mighty sick man, and then ma aRd
me both lated, and he said We wanted
him to die so we could spend his life
insurance in riotous living.
But when pa put on that con
densed shirt ma she laid down on the
lounge and fairly yelled, and l lated |
till my side aobed. Pa got it over his
head and got his hands in the sleeves
and couldn't get it either way, aud he
couldn't see US latf, but he could hear
US, and be said: It's dsrned funny,
amt it, to have a parent swelled up
this way2 If | bust you will both be
sorry. Well, ma took hold Of one
side Of the shirt and | took hold of
the other aud we pulled it on, aud
when pas head came up through the
collar his face was fairly blue.
Ma told him she was afraid he
would have a stroke of apo
pleEy before be got his clothes on,
and | guess pa thought so
too. He tried to get the collar on.
but it wouldn't 90 halt way around his
neck, and he looked in the glass and
cried, he looked so. He sat down in
chair and painted, he was so cut OF
breath, and the shirt and pants ripped,
and pa sal there was 20 use living if
he was going to be rival to a fat wo-
man in the side shew Just then
put the plug hat on pas head, and il
was so small it was going to roll of, |
when pa tried to fit it on his head, and |
then he took it of and looked inside |
OF It to see if it was his hat, and when
he found his name in it hesaid: Take !
it away. My head il all wrong, too.
Then he told me TO 60 for the doctor
mighty quick.
+" ! got the doctor and told him what
we we're trying to do with pa, and he |
said he would finish the job. So the |
doc came in and pa was on the lounge, |
and when the doc saw him he said it !
was lucky he was called just as he |
was, or we would have called an IN
dertaker. He put some pounded ice
on pas head .he first thing, ordered the
shirt cut open, and we got his pants
of. Then he gave pa an emetic and
had his feet soaked, and pa said: Doc,
it you will get out OF this will never
drink another drop. The doc told
pa that his life was not worth button
il he ever drank again, and left about
halfa pint Of sugar pills to be fred
into pa every Eve minutes Ma and
me sat up with pa all day Sunday, aud
Monday morning changed the spec
tacles and took the clothes home, and
along about noon pa said he felt as
though he could get up. Well, you
never saw tickleder man than he
was when he found the swelling had
gone down so he could get his pants
and shirt on, and he says that doctor
is be best 10 this town.
Some Of the merchants of Phila.
delphia develop an amount Of business