The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-04-05
The Sp0opendykes.

we'll rehearse our parts for Specklewot-
ties theatricals. I'm to be Hamlet and
you're to be the queen, and we want
this thing to go off about right. The
hardest part we have to play together is
where 1 accuse you OF poisoning my
father, and we d better try that until we
get it perfect. I'll commence:
"'Now, mother, what's the natter !"
"Well, I was thinking whether had
better wear my black silk or my maroon
suit" returned Mrs Spoopendyke, stjca
ing her finger into her mouth, rehec.
lively. Do queens wear"
"Will you be kind enough to tell me
what pack of cards you got that idea of
queen from?" demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, fixing his wlfe's eye with glare.
"Do you suppose that queen sent for
Hamlet to get his opinion about bargains
in dry goods? When I say that, you
must say:
Hamlet, thou hast thy father much
offended"
"Oh, 1 understand" pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke II thought you asked me
what 1 was thinking about. I didn't
know you had commenced to play. Try
it agaio."
"Well. be careful this time" recon-
mended Mr.. Spoopeneyke, in tone of
warning. "This is play, this is. Think
you know the difference between play
and bankrupt sale? Know the distinc-
ton between play and millinery shop
opening? Now, I'll begin again and you
try to do it decently:"
"'Now mother, what's the matter?'
"There's nothing the matter now." re-
piled Mrs. Spoopendyke, Strengthening
up and preparing to be queen as soon as
her turn came. GO on, dear. under
stand it now"
"Say it, can't vel" Numbered Mr..
Spoopendyke. Haven't ye studied this
business? Don't ye know your dod
gasted part?"
What shall say, dear?' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, looking at her husband
with dazed expression.
"Say! roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Sing hymn if you don't know your
part, get off psalm! Didn't tell you
what to say? Look here" and Mr..
Spoonendyke lowered his voice to an in
tense pitch. Have you ever read this
play? Have you conceived any kind of
o notion of what it Is all about?"
"Why, yes" faltered Mrs. spoopen'
dyke. "You come in and stab Mr..
Speckewottle behind the ears and I
scream. Isn't that right, dear?"
"Hear her!" moaned Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, frothing ut the mouth. Stab
Specklewottle behind the ears That's
all right, now you scream! Scream, why
don't you? You know so much about
your measly part why don't you play it?"
"We-e-e.e!' squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, faithfully following instructions.
II knew l could do it right as soor as
you showed NE how. Will that do?"
"Oh; that was queenly" snorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, Hopping into a chair and
regarding his wife with rolling eyes.
Just do that again! Four of those
dramatic efforts will make this play the
greatest of modern entertainments! Do
II once moreW
1T hurts my throat, complained Mrs.
with one scream, dear?'
MRS. Spoopendyke," said her hus-
band, with unnatural calmness, "there's
been some mistake made in this thing.
You should have been cast for Ophelia.
That was the part intended for you"
II would inst as soon play it," muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke, who failed to
see the drift of her husbands remark.
"Wbat does he do?"
"He was an idiot from his birth and
afterward went crazy" explained Mr..
Spoopendyke. That was the part for
you"
''Then I'd rather be queen" retorted
Mrs. Spoopendyke, bridling q little.
"Now, dear, let's commence all over and
I'll do it right this time"
"You can't do it worse" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''Ill try it once more,
Just to see what kind of foolishness you
can work Off"
Nov, mother. what's the natter"
"We-e e-e.c," giggled Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, satisfied that she was perfect this
time, Hamlet, oh, Hamlet! we-e-e-e'e!
Turn it off, yelled Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, springing from his chair and ca
pering around the room rs though q
snake had bitten him. "Be quick ana
break off the end! What's the mat
ter?"
"We-e-e.e-ev squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, profoundcdiy impressed with the
idea that the play was still going on, and
that she had at last mastered the intri-
cacies of her part.
"What's the matter with you, any
way?" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke, slam
ming the book across the room and
dancing up to his wife.
I'VE e.e Q e" continued Mrs. Spoop-
enlyke, hattered with her success and
glancing admiringly at her husband.
ssNgv iaar Won are inst splendiI ns