The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1883-12-27
PUNGENT PA ARAGRA APHs.
Astonishing genius The writing-mas-

Astonishing genius The writ ing-nas.
ter. 81
The dog has queer taste IN ntattsrsg esssss
dress. He wears his pants 11 nis
mouth. s.s=5.s
a Brookyn landlady call edher boarder
stsPhanixs because he rises from the
hashes and flies. 3ia ~ y "a.
Herbert Spencer's works are appearing
in Japanese. We thought we had no /
ticed little extracts. Of them on tea chests.
-ssiyfHngs..
Gilpaa reading in o pape, that facts
are Stubborn things, !, says there's no
particle Of doubt but that his wife IS o.
fact. Mcrattee Zudepsndcst.
ssOvercome by gas'' Is the head,slEfs-
on daily paper. We X knew Z, those as-
mendou gas. bills. would .lkill somebody
sooner Or later. Boston Bulletin s.;. &
: Whea asked what she hnd for dinner
she replied 'scold tongue9 And ne
Judged, by her manner, that there would
be some of it left for supper. Osso0goS
SSu1s. E =; = %
- FOR the noblest man that liyes;t there
still remains q conflict, !, sighed the phi
losp,her, as he rolled .up hie sleeves pre-.
paratory to carving a boarding house
chicken 9$ Is
They thought they heard burglars IN
the house last week, and in going down
stairs to investigate, Bibbs said to his wife:
"You 90 first; it's mean man that would
shoot q woman. Boston E'udqet.
Probably the meanest thing that q
man ever said was uttered by Fogg. to-
day. Being asked his idea OF the best
remedy for polygamy, he promptly re-
piled, "Mrs. Fogg."-B0sta Transcript
"Is this your dog, John {" "No; he
belongs to Squire Smith. And between
YOU and me he's deal smarter than his
owner" eyes; there are dogs OF that
sort. I have had several myself
Harper's Bazar.
AS q part of the marriage ceremony in
Seryia, the bride has to hold piece OF
sugar between her lips as sign that she
will speak little and sweetly during her
married life. The sugar soon melts away.
-CoVrier-Jour7lal.
"The surest way to take cold, said
distinguished physician, liz to "hug the
stove.n Young men who go counting
on Sunday nights should remember thls,
and not spend all their time hugging the
stove.-Philadelphio Call.
A Yankee has invented new pro-
cess for lasting boots and shoes. If ne
can last g ten-year-old boys shoes 50
that they will last two weeks without re-
curing half-soling he should open
branch Office in this town.-No'riatose"
Herald.
Matthew Arnold doesn't like para-
graphs, and says American newspapers
have fragmentary look to him. After
the American newspapers get through
with Matthew, he will have o fragmen-
tary look to his English friends.-Aer-
Chant 1rareler.
"Oh, will he bite7" exclaimed one Of
Middletown's sweetest girls, with look
of alarm, when she saw one of the dane"
inc bears on the street the other day.
"So,n said her escort, she cannot bite
he is muzzled; but he can hug" "Oh,"
she said, with q distracting smile, II
don't mind that. "-Middkto,cn Trans
eript.
Said the robber, "No family jewels-noneT
None ,aid a fearless lady, "but QUE
A carbuncle-the setting fortune cost;
But tits well secured and cannot be lost"
"Quick hand me the jewel, or else you shall
die"
Said the robber, with fercely flashing eye.
al can't" said the lady, with smiling rePoseI,
nose The Judge.
Americans are good listeners, says the
New York World. Of course they are,
and this habit of listening is encouraged
by the fact that the dividing walls OF
houses are nowadays built so thin that by
putting your enr to the wall you con hear
what the couple in the next house say
when they are fighting with each other.
-Philadephia Chronicle.
81 have strong following" remarked
the burglar, as he shot down the alley
lust ahead of detective, two policemen,
a constable, and dozen stray citizens,
land think if | can get out of town
ahead of my ticket I'm all right in the
country" And so he was, for he ran
into a barbed wire fence at the corpora
tion limit and they counted him H.
Hd'c&eye.
THE EDITOR AND HIS DAUGHTER
| Unto her pa, with face serene,
| Said one of Gothaui's faireSt daughters:
| "What does this old expression mean-
This casting bread upon the watersF"
| Her father, with soft caress,
Replied, with earnestness surprising:
NY dear, it's nothing more nor less
Than most judicious advertising"