Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-08-04

by horses; and reached New York city in season
for the printing of the dispatches before the ar
| rival of those OF the Herald Mr.. Twichells re-
markable feat of horsemanshp excited so much
interest that it was concentrated by large
and beautiful engraving, entitled 1.-THE Unri-
vailed Express Rider"
Playing 1t on the Old Man.
From Peck's Sun.
"What started your pa to drinking again ?"
"Oh, ma thinks 1t was losing money on the
Chicago races. He has been steaming ever
since. Pa can't stand adversely. But 1 guess
we have got him now. He is the scartest man
you ever saw"
"How did you bring him to his senses?"
swell, we tried having the minister talk to
pa, but pa talked Bible. about taking a little
wine for the stomach's sake and gave illustra-
| lions about Noah getting full. SO the minister
| couldn't brace him up. and then ma had some
of the sisters come and talk to him, but he
broke them all up by talking about what an
appetite they had for champagne punch when
they were out in camp last summer. and they
couldn't have any effect on him, and so ma said
she guessed l would have to exercise Inv
ingenuity on pa again. so l told her that If
she would do just as said. me and my chum
would scare pa so he would swear of. She
said she would, and we went to work First
took pas spectacles down to an Optician Satur-
day night and had the glasses taken out and
pair put In their place that would magnify and
took them home and put them in pas specta-
Gle case. Then got suit Of clothes from nv
chum's uncle's trunk. about half the size Of
pas clothes. My chum's uncle is very small
man, and pa is cOrpulent. l got a plug hat
three sizes smaller than pas hat, and took the
name out of pas hat and put it in the small
hat. got shirt about half big enough for pa
and put his initials On the thing under the
bosom. and got number fourteen collar Pa
wears seventeen. Pa had promised to brace I'D
| and go to church Sunday morning. and ma put
these small clothes where pa could put them on.
told ma. when pa woke up. to tell him he
looked awfully blUated and excite his curiosity,
and then send for me.
''1ou didn't play such trick as that on a
poor old man. did yOu:" said the grocery man.
You bet. Well, ma told pa he looked awfully
bloated. Pa said he guessed he wasn't bloated
very much, but he got up and put on his specta-
eles and looked at himself in the glass. You'd
dide to see him look at himself. His face looked
as big as two faces, through the glasses, and his
| nose was sight. Pa looked scared and then
| he held up his hand and looked at that His
hand looked like ham. Just then l came in,
and turned pale, with some chalk on nv face.
and begun to cry, and said: %, pa what ails
you! You are SO swelled up hardly knew you
Pa looked sick to his stomach and then he tried to
get on the pants. Oh, my, it was all could do
TO keep from laughing to see him phil them
pants on. He could just get his legs in. and
when l got shoe horn and gave it to him he
was mad. He said 1t was a mean bow that
would give his pa a shoe horn to put his pants
on with. The pants wouldn't come around IA
into ten inches and pa said he must have eat
something that disagreed with him, and he laid
1t to watermelon. Ma stuffed her handkerchief
pa look at hisself: The legs of the pants were
so tight pa couldn't hardly breathe, and he
turned pale and said: 'Hennery. your pa is a
mighty sick man. and then ma and me both
laughed. and he said we wanted him TO die
SO we could spend his life Insurance in riotous
living.
"But when pa put on that condensed shirt,
ma she laid down on the lounge and fairly
yelled, and 1 laughed till my side ached Pa
got it over his head, and got his hands in the
sleeves. and couldn't get it either way, and he
couldn't see us laugh, but he could hear us. and
he said: It's darned funny, amt it, to have a
parent swelled up this way. If bust YOU will
both be sorry Well ma took hold of one side
OF the shirt and took hold of the other and
we pulled it on. and when pas head came ND
through the collar his face was fairly blue Ma
told him she was afraid he would have stroke
OF apoplexy before he got his clothes on. and I
guess pa thought so too He tried to get the
collar on but it wouldn't 90 half way ronnd
his neck. and he looked in the glass and cried.
ne looked so. He sat down in a chair and
painted, he was SO out of breath, and the shirt
and pants ripped, and pa said there was no use
living If ne was going to be rival to fat
plug hat on pas head, and it was SO smallit was
going to roll off, when pa tried to 1T it on his
head, and then he took it off and looked inside
of it to see If it was his hat, and when he found
his name in it he said, Take it away Nv head
Is all wrong too Then he told me to 90 for
the doctor mighty quick.
got the doctor and told him what we were
trying to do with pa, and he said he would fin
ish the job. So the doc came in and pa was on
the lounge. and when the doc saw him he said
1t was lucky he was called just as he was, or we
would have called an undertaken. He put some
pounded ice on pas head the first thing ordered
the shirt cut open, and we got the pants off,
Then he gave pa an emetic, and had his feet
soaked and pa said, Dog. If you will bring me
out of this l will never drink another DROP
The doc told pa that his life was not worth q
button if he ever drank again, and left about
halt a pint Of sugar pills to be fired into pa
every five minutes. Ma and me sat up with pa
all day Sunday. and Monday morning changed
the spectacles and took the clothes home. and
along about noon pa said he felt as though he
could get up. Well, you never see tickleder
man than he was when he found the swelling
had gone down so he could get his pants and
shirt on. and he says that doctor is the best in
this town. Ma says l am q smart boy ana pa
has taken the pledge and we are all right"