St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-11-02
SquibS.

A New York fire insurance president
has just lost IA cOuntry-seat valued ut
! $4,000, and he hadn't Il cent of in
surance. He was probably looking
around for reliable COMPANY De-
trOit Free Press.
No charge is made for the suggestion
that the paper car wheel men ought to
use nothing but South American news
papers in their business. These papers
are so thoroughly familiar with revolu-
tiOns as to require no preparation in
converting into first-class wheel
[Pittsburg Telegraph.
The man who asked George Anger
of Denver what sort of gimlet he was,
got bored by Il pistol ball Detroit
| Free Press.
A st. Louis broker who is very fond
of putting on style announced to his
| friends on Change that his wife had "A
deplenner a la fourchette at their
house the afternoon previous, and
every man i'll the crowd asked if it was
Il boy or girl Cincinnati Merchant
| Traveller.
Our national paper currency is said
to be poisonous from being cOlored
with arsenic. That's where the poor
! editors revenge comes in. He doesn't
have to handle the stuff Burlington
| Free Press.
Said the Sunday school superinten-
dent, "The Maccabees preceded the
Philistines in the occupation of Pales-
tine now who came after the Philis-
tines p 81 know" shouted small
boy, back in the school. "Who,
then p asked the superintendent.
Samson" was the triumphant reply.
i New York Commercial Advertiser.
"See, mamma :" exclaimed little
one, as puss, with arching spine and
elevated tail, strutted around the table,
''see, kitty's eaten so much she can't
shut her tail DOWN.
1t was some time ago, when an effort
was being made to induce the children
to sign the total abstinence pledge.
On the way from the hall little girl,
evidently profoundly impressed with
the sweeping character of the pledge
she had just taken, was heard to ask,
"Mamma, can | chew gum, now ~
This is from st. Louis newspaper
EChicago has 10000 dogs. Twenty
persons are allowed to each dog, and
so an estimate of GOO, 900 population is
made"
ChOate was once arguing a case be
fore Shaw (who was the hOmeliest
Judge on the bench), and, to express
! his respect for the conceded ability of
! the Judge, said, in yielding to an ad
verse decision ain coming into the
presence of your honor | experience
the same feeling the HindOO does when
he bows before his idol. | know that
you are ugly, but feel that you are
| great"
A rather noted French quack of BOs-
ton, who has fair monetary, but little
real professional success, called the
other day on DR.. Best for advise.
"Of course can describe to you my
symptoms better zan could any one
else, being as you know II physician
myselfs. 1t is my heart | want to see
you about. 1t has trouble me very
much zis summer, while | was away
it beat so much an so fast. Doctor, if
you belief me, wen was going up e
White Mountain, and Walking about
and up and down so much, if you be-
lief me, | tell you could often hear
my heart heating at il distance"
"No, Pm obliged to you, don't
drink" replied Judge Gibbons of
Lancaster, in the bar-roOm of the Gil
rard house. 81 am sixty-three years
old and have never used tobacco in any
form, never have tasted malt or spirit
nous liquors, never have been at u
horse-race or attended a circus or a
theater. ''Yours has been an ex-
emplary life, Judge" replied the Times
man. "Well, don't know that it
has," continued the judge, sadly. 81
am, after all, no better than other men !;
for the past forty-eight years have
heen the abiect slave to one ungOvern-
able appetite. This indulgence has
gained such absolute control of me
that | cannot exist four or five hours
without gratifying it. In the streets,
ut church, during family prayers, it
tOrments me. / struggle against it.
. | resolve and re-resolve to break it off,
but am weak very weak k-and finally
yield. | cannot go half day without
, it. No, daren't travel where | can't
obtain it. 1t is killing me. Twenty
years ago weighed 220 pounds. Now
| weigh 100. 1t is destroying my life,
| slowly but surely. | shall die of it,"
"What form does this deadly dissipa-
tion take ~ asked the reporter, in
amazement, prepared for an appalling
| confession. "Mush and milk" was
! the solemn and humiliating rejOinder.
3 Il Philadelphia Times.