The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-09-15
Paragraph Fiend.

Green corn-A young bunion.
Hightoned-The screech OF an eagle
AT stand still--The peanut business.
Rather a swell thing-.A bruised eye.
Doth wondrOus tail unfold "A peacock
Country. bored-City people summering
ct farm houses.
When schoolgirl becomes toned down
ISN'T she aa ex-per.s
1t would have been q crushing blow &c
d,me-novel worehip If Frank James had
been convicted and hanged.
"How shall We stop the great evil Of ly-
ingi" asks religious weekly. ION !
know; give 1t up. It's habit you ougn'
never 70 have fallen into.--Cinttnndts
Saturday Night.
An exchange says that 10000 Americans
annually visit Europe; but when we come
70 think of the 81 ,S2O, 600 that stay at home
we don't feel so swfully lonesome a. we
might.
The Concord School of Philosophy has
not yet determined how woman should
act when her hands are IN the dough pan
and an aggressive fly alights on her nose
philadelphia Bulletin.
A lady a, one of the Long Branch
hotels mas slresCy exhibited over forty
dresses this Summer, and yet the proba-
b,lities are that if she has husband the
lstter doesn't own more than two pairs OF
Of pants Detroit Free Press.
Sitting Bull went back on the people of
Iowa and did not show up at the state fair
o. Des Moines. Perhaps he was afraid OF
meeting Senator Logan and his committee
again, and whisky would be SO scarce and
high that he would inevitably have dry
time
She can work fancy screen,
Just the incest ever seen,
IN a style that all her culchawed set enc ants,
But my friend, 'twixt you and me,
It would chill man TO see
How che stitched a patch on the old mans
pants. ". Y. Herald
The confidence man sometimes makes
mistakes, or meets sharper brother who
can give him lessons. A recent San Fran.
CISCO paper says
Last Wednesday, as the overland train
was disgorging Its passengers in the Oak
land depot, o plausible looking young man
walked up to q gray-headed granger, who
was staring open m0uthed around him,
and clasped him fervently by the hand.
why, how do you do, Mr.. Gutfy?"
"H.how did you know my name was
Guffy" asked the delegate from the foot
hills, much astonlshed and apparently OBJ.
.ivlous that "Jas. Gufy, Ukiah," was
painted in big letters on the valise he car
ried in his hand.
why, jim, old man, you can't have
forgotten me-Tom Saunders--your old
friend. How are all the boys in Uklah ?"
"Glad ter see yer, glad ter see yer I've
got powerful bad memory but seems ter
me do remember yer face, somehow"
said the granger.
"Of course you do. Coming down for a
little look round, eh? All rght-where
do put up? III meet you after dinner,
and we'll take in the town together. Here's
my address"
"God bless you, my boy sand the hay
seed party, much affected. 'Them's the
fust kind words hern since left homc,'
and, with the honest impulse OF his simple
nature, the farmer took the young man in
his arms and Rugged him. Then, arrang-
ing where 10 meet HIM, lie shufiled along
That afternoon the young man was down
at headquarters complaining that be had
been robbed Of his watch and pocketbook
BY a "bohdler" got up as an old granger.
"There wasn't nuthln' particular in ther
pocketbOok," he Indignantly exclaimed,
and the watch was oroide; but I'm best
If want TO be beat at nv own game"
WHAT NAY YOUNG LADY DO.
She may stand on the carb
With pretty red fan,
And f,irt till she's tired
With nobby young man.
This is naughty.
She may clean up the house
Or bake nice pie,
And sing TO the baby
when the Clouds Roll By"
This Is rough.
She can stand at the gate
In tho moons pale light;
She may kiss him Just once
As she says Good Night"
This is nice.
She may lirt Til she's old,
She may work till she dead,
She may live an old maid
Or be wooed, won and wed.
This is true.
The Sioux are strange, strange people.
Heap Hair" was the criticism they passed
on John A. LOGAN.
John A. Logan says he would rather be
right than TO be grammatical. And he
might truthfully have added he is more
apt 10 be.-Ch. Nens.
William NJ. Evarts is travelling with the
Willard party lie commenced telling his
companions q little story about the time
they arrived in sioux City and he had fin
ished the first sentence when the train
rolled into Bismarck, Dak.-lb.
The John a. Logan Hair Dye is a
recent invention which seems destined to
fill long-felt want. 1t IS put up in Is.
cent bottles with picture of Mr.. Logan
blown IN on each bottle II oan also be
used as q stove polish, tooth wash or an
ICE cream fiavoring. 1t will undoubtedly
meet with large circulation IN those To-
calities OF Illinois and Indiana where the
the English Ianpnage ia moi onol mn H.