Daily Republican., 1883-09-13
HUI MORO US.

| referring 10 gentleman Jndt Hal us
been arraignel. Lets See the pistol.
The pistol was produced and handed Il
the Judge, who examined it, and said
Where did you get it ?" "Bought i
at hardware store" " What did i
cost ?" Fifteen dollars" "Fine i'm
plenent. How'll You swap" and thu
Judge drew out u pistol and handed i
lover to the prisoner "Take ten dollar
tn boot" All right. fine you tel
dollars. That makes us even.
"Take that pair Of shoes from unde
your coat" demanded a merchant Of a,
old negro, cor Ill have you arrested.
"WhO's got u pal shoes un er his coat?'
"You have | saw you when you
picked them up" Is desc de shoes!
(producing them). Yes. Hand then
here" "Why didn't yer tell me d;
was de shoes, stead of getting me 'tuset
roun' heah? Hollar at a man case h.
doan un 'erstan yer. Wust town ebe
seed. White folks tralnps on de nigge
like da was a foot log
"Aunty, dear, the young artist, Her
Schmidt. again entreated me at the bal
last evening to lend him my photo
graph, which hp says will be of inestilna
BILE value to him in painting his new
picture. He promises to return 1t Il
soon as the picture is finished May
give it to him 2" Aunt" Well, i lhinl
it will be all right if you enclose with i
a picture of your mother or some eder
person to send your picture alon
would be terrible breach of etiquette
Dad, were You ever a fish 2" Tn
individual thus addressed lowered hi
chin and gazed over his specta lies a
the boy in speechless astonishment.-
ooh, don't get mad at the, dad, 70
asking you - continued his inquisitiv
offspring. "Mrs. Cody came in, afte
you had gone yesterday, and asked III;
| what she would do if you We're dead
and ma laughed and said she guesse,
there was just as good fish in the sea a
You are"
"Do let me have your photograph,
said a dashirg belle to gentleman who
had been annoying her with his atten
tons. The gentleman was delighted
and in short time the lady received
the picture. She gave it to her SCI van,
with the question: "Would you know
the original if he should call?" The
servant replied in the affirmative
"WelI, thea, when he comes tell him |
am engaged.
Now run right along to school
johnny, and learn yonr lessons" said
a Washington mother to her little son
the other morning. :" If you don't learn
to spell and read and write, the only
thing You will he fit for when you
grow up will be to sit on Star Route
jllries." And she shuddered at the
thought.
Wife (who had been sitting up for
delinquency +; Are you crazy? Have
you been going about the streets with
your umbrella up thi- starlight night"
Weary husband That's Just it dear.
It's the stars--pertect avalanche of EN-
-couldn't 'lolgeem, so put up the UNI
brela Thought people would think I
was intoxicated If | didn't"
A genuine dude has struck Laramie.
He has homeopathic head and allo.
pathic feet. His pants" are SO tight
that he never takes them off, and he has
a plate.glass window in one eye The
other is closed for repairs. He got OF,
the widest kind of drbauch last night
with halfan oun"e of pepper. sauce and
"a bunch Of cigarettes.
A fashionable lady, Immediately af-
ter the death of her husband, married
his brother. A visitor at the house no
ticing picture of her late husband,
asked who it was. IL ISIS she
replied, hesItatingly, "my deceased
brother. i'll law" " Mine, too," lacon.
ically remarked the new husband.
GLOW are you and your wife o'In
ing On?" asked Galveston man of :
colored man. "She has run me off
boss" What's the matter ?" il
10 blame, boss. gave her a splendid
white silk dress, and den she got 81
proud she had no use for me Sh,
| lowed I was too dark to match d,
dress"
"Ah George, isn't it delightful tina
we are to be m;,rri.d so soon " To b,
sure we are not rich in this world''
goods, but with such love as ours w
can almost live on bread and water
can't we, dear ?" " Easily said
George, with great emotion. You
can furnish the bread, love, and vii
skirnish around and find the water"
81 want'er pound O. black tea" sale
Witherspoon to Deacon Gilpin
Thought your folks used Jap tea, sug
gested the deacon. We did hut yol
see my wteS sister, out in Iniiana, /
dead and she's wearing mourlin' AM
she thought it'd be- more appropriate
like to use black tea for awhile now"
A man maize wager with lad,
that he could thread a needle quicke
than she could sharpen II lead pencil. -
The man won--time fourteen minutes
and forty seconds. 1t is thought the re
suit would have been different If tn
woman had not run out Of lead pencil
inside of five minutes.
A family paper published u long Mr.
ticle entitled =" Housekeeping Hereaf
ter" Merciful Heaven J" exclaimed
a distracted mother of five children
and keeper of one husband and two ser
wants, If | thought there was goiIt
to be any housekeeping hereafter, de
clare I'd never die"
1t was rumored in Boston, the Othel
day, that policeman had been fOunt
paying for his beer, and 1t was SAID
there wasa large Indignation meeting
among the bluecoats to secure the dis
charge of the offending member VIII