davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-12-20

ARIsTA gle p. b. sUBLETT
HoGE 6 suBLErr'
GENERAL FIRE INSURANCE AGENTS,
STAUNTON, VA.
OFFICE OVER F. NJ YoUNG's STORE, MAIN sT.)
Represent the largest, Oldest and most substan-
tial Companies of America and Europe, with a
combined capital of over
500, 900, 900,
Having succeeded to the business of the late
firm of Cooke & Sublett, and secured the agen-
cies of the substantial and well-known COM
panies represented by them, and retaining those
now prepared to insure property in
sTAUNToN AND VICINITY,
at the lowest rate consistent with absolute Sc
curity. Our companies are corporations of I'M
doubted solidity,-many of which have stood
the test of generations, and all (which rank as
the best and safest among the insurers Of this
country and Europe.
For circulars, terms &C., apply at the office as
above. HOGE & SUBLETT, Agents.
ToTHE PUBLIC.
Having disposed of my interest in the BUSH
ness OF the late firm of Cooke & Sublett, to
MesSrs Hoge & Sublett, / take pleasure in re-
commencing to the citizens of Staunton and
vicinity, the new firm, as courteous. exper-
fenced and thoroughly reliable gentlemen.-
They represent number fthe best and safest
companies in the world, and parties cannot do
better than to place their risks with them.
Respectfully,
jull9-Vn. copy c. L.CC(kE.
w A. GUSHING, AGENT,
FOR THE
"sTAUNroN LIFE ASSOCIATION OF VA,
sTAUNTON, VIRGINIA.
The best and cheapest Life. Insurance Company in
the World.
This Company issues all its policies on the
Guarantee Incontestable, endowment plan.'
Policies guaranteed from the day issued. A
81 900 policy will cost about $500 per year or
less than cents a day.
sS-Write to me for prices and circulars. jy5-tf
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-12-20
MISCELLANY
NEW YORK TINES
EDR 1891
REDUCED IN PRICE.


Cheapest and Pest Newspaper in the
United States
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-12-20
WEcALL THE A1TENpJ0N

of the public to the following facts:
We order our goods in carload lots: thereby
securing the lowest manufacturers rates. and
also the lowest transportation rates. We keep
constantly employed
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-12-20

We have opened with stock of entirely new
goods consisting of everything kept in a well as
sorted grocery.
Our STOCK is of the BEST QUALITY and we
shall sell at lowest prices, our motto being
Good goods and low prices.
Mr.. g. 7. HANGER, late of Eakle 4 Jones, is
with us and will be pleased to and wait on
his friends.
We promise to leave nothing undone on our
parts to give satisfaction to our customers.
We respectfully solicit a share of public pat
ronage.
Rs-All goods delivered free of charge in the
city and at depots.
nov l. STACK, SPITLER & co.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08
The Yankee South.

The Southern people love the Yam
kee, and they show this affection in a
thousand different ways. When they
retire at night they unbutton Yankee
buttons to Yankee-made coats, waist
coats, pantaloons, shirts and drawers.
They pull off Yankee boots with Yam
kee boot Jacks, and divest their feet of
Yankee socks. They march to Yam
kee bedsteads, turn down Yankee
cOverlets and Yankee blankets, pros
trate themselves on Yankee mattress
es and lay their heads upon Yankee
pillows. The Dedbugs are the only
things not made by Yankee hands and
imported from the land of the Yam
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08
Tacks.

A tack is simple, unpretending
sort of young nail, noted for its keen
repartee when pressed for reply, and
possessing the peculiar powers, when
standing on it's head, of causing the
cold shivers to run down the back of
man in mere anticipation of what
might be.
Tacks are in season all the wear
around, hut the early spring is the
time usually selected by them for
grand combined effort, and then they
flourish everywhere for at least month.
Since the Inauguration of the time.
honored ceremonies of house cleaning
every thorough housekeeper, with long
experience in the line of duty, so takes
up the carpet as to retain all the
tacks in their original places, thus
preventing it from slipping from the
holders hand unless the tacks break
or the fingers give out. But the tri-
llmph of the tack is not complete at
this early stage; it patiently bides its
time and on the relaying of the carpet
issues in double force. After searching
the entire house for paper of tacks,
without success, the unfortunate man
drops on his hands and knees to begin,
and Immediately discovers four tacks
at least, and as he rolls over to extract
these, he finds the rest of the paper
directly underneath him, and then I'm
less he is a man accustomed to put up
stoves and joint stove-pipe the chances
for laying the carpet that evening are
slight, In selecting tacks from
saucer he inspects the point with his
forefnger as the tack instantly loses
it's head when they come to blows. In
argument the tack is sharp and
pointed, but the display of either
or both, depends largely upon the
amount of pressure employed by its
opponent. In direct contrast to a good
joke the amusement generally begins
before you see the point, and this fact
can be easily demonstrated by walking
the floor in your stocking feet, well
kept floor on this occasion averages
two tacks to the square foot.
The future of the tack gives great
promise of more extended usefulness
and unlimited possibilities, as several
of our most eminent college profess
ors have carefully studied the effect of
sharp tack of reasonable length
placed properly in chair OF under
cot, are about to introduce tacks and
do away with spring boards in our col
lege gymnasiums.-lM.Q otdd.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08

in books, looked over the bee depart
ment in files of old newspapers up
parret, and best of all, she made IRE,
ouent visits to Mr.. Andersons' ana
found out all he knew about the cui'
ture from a practical point OF view'
II was a good thing to begin small
in this, as in most new enterprises.
Those who start out with a dozen
colonies are apt to find them much
diminished before they are increased;
Helen had her ups and downs as all
have, but she did make good money
out of the business, and found 1t
source of great interest besides her
mind was now wide-awake on the
subject of learning something "on
her own hook, and her father wisely
gave her all the facilities she desired.
A pet COW, which had been her little
bossy calf" in the childhood days not
so far away, was now her young COW,
AMI after deducting a merely nominal
sum for its board, she had all she
could make from it. She fed this
COW and MIXED her, and churned the
butter herself, and many a pretty az,
ticle she added to her wardrobe and
her room furnishing, by means OF
the money she earned for this.
If all parents were wise, there
would be better crop of children
raised Oh our farms. Instead OF
boarding up money to be cut up
among the children after you are dead,
and they have drudged on i'll poverty
until middle life, give them reason,
able sum as they go along-not
enough to make them lazy and worth
less, but enough to really help them,
as money would have helped you in
your younger years. Nothing more
endears parent to the hearts of his
children thana wise liberality. Moth
ing makes him more hateful in their
eyes than close listed stinginess. 1t
is not pleasant to feel that they are
looking forward longingly to the day.
when the estate can be divided up.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08
Josh Billings Guild to Health

Never run into debt, not if wi can
find anything else to run into.
Marry yung, and if yu make a hit,
keep cool and don't brag about it.
Battle thoroughly once week in
soft water, kasteel soap, and avoid tite
boots.
Exercise in open air, but don't saw
wood until you are obliged to.
Laff every time yu feel tickled, and
laff once in while any how.
Hold the baby half the time, and
allwass start the fire in the mornings
and put on the tea kettle.
Don'tjaw back-it only proves that
yu are az big fool azthe other phel-
10.
Never borrow what yu are able to
by and allwuss have some things yu
won't lend.
Never git in hurry; you can walk
a good deal further in day than yu
CAN run.
Don't swear; it may convince you,
BUTT is sure not to convince others.
If yu have dauters, let your wife
bring them up; ifshe has got common
sense she can beat all your theorys.
Don't drink too much nu slider,
and however mean you be, don t abuse
kow.
Low and respekt yure wife emmy
how; it il a good deal cheaper than
to be all the time wishing she waz all
the time different.
Don't have emmy rules for long life
that you won't break; be prepared to-
day to die tomorrow, IL the best
creed for long life know of.
Keep yure he'd cool and yure feet
drie, and breathe thru yure noze az
much az WI kan.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08
Sleep the Strongest Of Medicines.
st. James Gazette.

1t is reported Of Lord Brougham,
that, when he returned home after his
brilliant and exhaustive defense of
Queen Caroline, he went at once to
bed, with orders not to be disturbed,
however long he might sleep-orders
which his household obeyed, though
with establishment deepening into
something hike terror, as the young
lawyers nap prolonged itself for near
" eight-and-forty hours. His physi-
clan afterward declared that this sleep
had saved him from brain fever, and
though probably only the marvelously
recuperative powers of youth enabled
him to take natures remedy in one
such mighty dose, his extraordinary
capacity to work up to extreme old
age may not improbably have been
due to a constitution endowed with
such means for repairing at night the
waste of the day.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08
Thought She Couldn't.

A Detroiter who was lately crossing
Clinton County, with horse and buggy,
stopped at farmhouse, along about
noon, and asked the woman if she
could get him up a dinner and feed
his horse.
Come in and I'll see," she replied,
and, as he sat down, she called out
at the foot of the stairs:
"Say. Hanner!"
Yes, mar'm," replied a voice.
Have we any hay OF oats OF corn
OF straw or turnips, or anything else
to feed a horse on?"
mol" was the decided answer.
"Then that settles the horse ques-
tion," announced the woman to her
guest. I'll see about your dinner
now. Say, Hannerl"
"Yes, marin"
Have we got any bread baked!
"No."
ANY flour to bake shortcake
with?"
"No."
ANY cold meat, cake, pie or cold
'taters?"
Mary one"
Then 1 really don't think | can
feed either you or your horse, sala
the woman, as she shut the stars
door. You might poke along to the
red house on the left hand, and If you
amt ateared of crazy people ana
smallpox they may set you out some
beet pickles and rye coffee"
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08

KEGS; On rising in the morniDs v.
tread Yankee carpets, stumble 49, we
Yankee chairs and sofas, build n V s't
with Yankee coal, taken from Yart hre
scuttlerS, in Yankee CRATES, catch f Nee
ashes in Yankeepans. and use Yant Se
pokers, Yankee shovels and ton" ee
We repair to Yankee wasbstsnSoS'
pour water from Yankee pitchers int
Yankee bowls, and wash with YanLsO
soap; then use Yankee fowls and Van
kee tooth brushes. Next we naval
to Yankee bureau, stand before .
Yankee glass, and use Yankee combs
Yankee brushes, Yankee powder, Yam
kee cologne, in Yankee bottles. We
sit down in a Yankee chair to a Yon
kee table, covered with Yankee cloth
Yankee knives and forks, Yankee
dishes and feed upon Yankee food
We call for Yankee toothpicks, seiza
Yankee hats from Yankee racks, tum
the key to Yankee lock, open a Yam.
kee door, enter Yankee buggy, seize
the Yankee reins to Yankee harness
and repair to our places of business,
and spend the day in trading upon
Yankee industry. The South is rich
in resources, but our people are so
fond of the Yankees that they lavish
their wealth upon Yankee enterprise
.iWeaI.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08

MINISTER Hannibal Hamlini is home.
Minister John Russell Young is COM
ing home, and Minister Sargent wants
to come. Somehow the glitter of
foreign courts cannot take the place
of American buckwheat cakes and
pumpkin pies in the winter season.
MONEY may be tight, but change is
always loose.
THERE should be Days as well as
Knights Of Honor.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08
THE SLEEP or THE JUST.
TIE LAMYEn.

1 slept in an editors bed last night
When no other CHANGED 20 be nigh;
How thought, as tumbled tho editors peu'
How easy editors lie
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08
THE EDITOR.

If the lawyer slept in the editors bod
When no lawyer Glanced 10 be nigh'
And though he has written and nalvoly said'
How easily editors lie,
Ho must then admit al he lay on that bed
And slept to his hearts desire,
Whato'or no may say VI the editors bed,
Then the lawyer himself was the Her
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-03-08

OYSTERS as a rule do not attend
church festivals in a body. They a.
most always go alone.
National Republican., 1883-11-27
HnrlS from the Tomb.

John c. Dezendorf figured in a column and
finest type yesterday in defense OF the Vir-
ginia bourbons and their performances in the
recent political campaign. We know of no
reason why he should not be on their side.
And he has just as good right to call him
self a chairman of an imaginary state central
committee of an imaginary republican party
as his present political associate, John Goode,
of Norfolk, or John s. Barbour would have
What's in a name? A bourbon republican by
any other name would smell as sweet. The
man who charges the murder of the
Danville negroes on their friends, and
reioices with their murderers over the
democratic victory it brought will
easily be recognized as whole republi.
can party all by himself, as well as its COM
mittee and chairman of the same. Deaen-
DORIS zeal in the cause of his bourbon friends
reminds one of the passage in which Whittier
describes the new convert from Christianity
to Mohammedanism. Thus:
ovcracting In superiuous zeal
CrGwls PROSTATE where the faithful only knoel.
Outhowls the Dervlsh, hugs his rags to court
The squalid santon's sanctity Of dirt;
And when beneath the city gateway's span
Files slow and long the Meccan caravan,
And through its midst, pursued by Islam's pray
ers
The prophets Ward some favored camel bears,
Tho marked aposate has his place assigned.
The Koran bearers sacred rump behind,
With brush and pitcher following grave ant
mute
In meek attendance on the holy brute.
National Republican., 1883-11-27
"MAsuEDo ON AMERICA.
Lord Coleridge Attempting to American-
iZe British Practice.
Mem York NIork.

NetD York Uortd.
Lord Chief Justice Coleridge has already begun
to put into practical use the professional informa
tion he obtained in the United States during his
recent tour. His lordshp since his RETURN has
discussed freely with the great lawyers and judges
of London the morits and dement's of American
jurisprudence, and in these semi professional con-
ferences has never hesitated to express great ad-
miraton for the manner in which Americans have
developed the local or government idea,
until, as he says, 1t has become to observant for
eigners the most striking feature of American in
stitutions. The general government, Lord Cole
ridge thinks, although not strictly more constitu-
tional than that of say England, appears to the
foreign observer to have less to do with the people
or their personal affairs than any other govern
ment in the world, and to be confined in its func-
tions within sphere that might be described as
simply an international agency or bureau, with
practically no absolute power Of Its own, and act
ing under popular direction.
Lord Coleridge has taken every opportunity OF
impressng these views upon the liberal members
of his profession in England, and has already sue
judce. His first attempt to American ize British
practice has been entered upon, and has already
gone beyond the more approval of his colleagues,
| and secured favorable cabinet action. This step
has for its object the formation of system of dis
| trict courts throughout England after tho model
of the district courts in the United States. bill
for the creation of such system OF courts in Eng
land has been prepared, under the supervision, IL
| Is understood, OF Lord Coleridge, and been &C
| cepted by the cabinet
National Republican., 1883-11-27
Tho Wight for tho GaveI.

The New York Sun, which really favors the
election of Randall, is very decidedly of the
opinion that no southern man should be
elected speaker. The Carlisle men might as
well face the music. The cry which was raised
last week to the effect that the party dare
not elect southern man will be emphasized
this week, and THE REPUBLICAN believes
with telling effect, In fact, it is claimed that
many southern men-friends of Carlisle--are
already weakening, and excusng them
selves by saying that it is better
for the south to surrender now
than to array tho northern democracy
against them with the charge that they (the
southern members) arc putting tho party on
tho defensive. Because of his we'll known
views on the tariff question and because OF
this papers adherence of southern methods
in politics The REPUBLICAN sincerely hopes
that Mr.. Randall will succeed, if tho fight is
to DO between Carlisle and Randall. This il
not because of any personal objection to Mt
Carlisle. THE REPUBLICAN, has great ad
miration for him Us man, but il
doubts if he should be elected-al
he will be, If elected at all, by q nearly solid
! vote from the sOuth-whother he would bC
National Republican., 1883-11-27
Tricks That Are Vain.

There is much sense in che suggestion that
tho election of Mr.. Carlisle TO the speaker
ship would give tho manufacturing interests
less cause for apprehension than that Of Mr..
Randall. Tholo of Gen. Gordon virtually
recommends that tho democratic party of
free trade play q possum game by electing
Randall. This will put somo friends of pro-
lection Off their guard, and make them think
the cause oflow tariff is dead. Then, If by this
mcansn the democracy could succeed, they
could apply the simple remedy of breaking
their pledges as they did in 1916 after Polk and
Dallas had been elected in 1sii on q shout for
the tariff of 1872 Tho democratic house of
representatives thon passed the low tariff for
revenue only of 1876 in place of the protect
i've tariff of 1912, on which they carried the
election. In the senate Vice President Dali
las, Pennsylvania democratic protcctionist
gave his casting vote, by which this free trade
measure was made possible, and President
Polk gave it his approval Tho laboring
people of America will never be allowed to
overlook this bit of history. 1t shows the
value of democratic promises in favor
of protection, and it shows the danger of
trusting u Pennsylvania protection democrat
as the presiding officer of either branch OF
congress. Samuel j. Randall as speaker
would not be able to save the cause of pro-
lection if his election should contribute to
the success of the democracy next year, for
it is admitted that his election now would be
a mere trick to hide tho free trade features
of his party. And If that party should be
willing to wear n protection mask next year,
with Randall on the ticket for either the
first or second place, would it not if success
full, break its solemn pledge just as it did
in 1915? And would Samuel J. Randall be
any more likely to stand out and resist the
command of his party than was Vice Presi.
dent George Mitllin Dallas tho Pennsylvania
democratic protectionist2 The protoctionists
have no interest in the election of Mr.. Ran
dali. We have n senate and President tc
stand across the path of any legislation hos
tile to the interests of the country. If the
spcakership contest is to be determined solely
in favor of parliamentary skill and personal
worth, Mr. Randall need not fear the com.
petition OF any man. But if he is to be used
by the democratic party only as decoy to
enable democratic sportsmen to bag protection
ducks, we suggest that the gamo is rather
transparent. "surely in vain the net il
spread in the sight of any bird" The house
could not disturb business by tho passage o.
low tariff measure, for it could not pass tn,
senate nor have the executive approval. Or
the con trary, it would, by thus showing th
democratic hand, add to the certainty o
democratic defeat in 1884. Let the sole
south and the free traders elect Mr.. Carlisle
If Mr.. Randall really homes after protection
let him come into the protection party, ant
cease serving the party of FREQ trade. HI
can do it no good as a democratic leader.
National Republican., 1883-11-27

THE testimony, so called, taken by tho
Danville bourbon committee not having boon
taken in any legal proceeding, tho witnesses
would not be subject to the penalties of por-
jury for false swearing. Criminal perjury
can only be committed in giving testimony
in some proceeding authorized by law. Tho
Danville committee reported contrary to
historical and recorded facts when they
stated that the government of Danville was
under negro control, and they suppressed tho
truth when thoy omitted to report the num-
ber Of negroes instantly killed as we'll as tho
mortally wounded who afterward died.
Their report is therefore not entitled to any
credence. 1t can satisfy nobody except the
sympathizers with the Danville crime.
But legal investigation has been going on
at Danville for some days, the testimony in
which has been given subject to the pains
and penalties Of perjury. Itisin the contested
election case of Sims VS.. Hurt, involving a
hundred pages of testimony have been taken.
The evidence will, it is said completely over
throw tho recent statement by the committee
OF forty. 1t will convict some so-called "best
citizens despite the whitewashing by tho
forty. Our correspondent says "the country
will be amazed at the truth, as it will be
shown in the next few days" We may ex-
pect to see formidable proofs against the muir
derers from the lips of white men as well as
! impeach.