South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-07-27
WIT AND IIUMOR

Il PLsAsrso INCIDENTAL sweet III.
tie incident is related Ivy writer. who
says: 4 nsked little Child no. long
ago. Have you called your grandma 30
teaY Yes. When 1 went 10 call her,
sue was asleep. didn't wish TO ho.loa
al grandma. nor shake her so kissed
her on the cheek, and that woke her
very softly. Then I wen, into the
hall aud said Grandma, tes Is ready.
and she never knew what woke her.
Boarding -housc keepers we're not the
only ones who profited by the conven-
tons held q, Saratoga by the Baptists
and Presbyterians.
4 wish you Baptisses would stay nil
summer said darky boot-black ms he
polished the pedal cxtremitics OF q
member Of that persuasion.
why SOP
oh. bckase you shine more dan de
Presbyteyuns.'
Mike Ginnigan Ito pos,onfco cleric =
Sure. is there AIRY lether for mer'
Cierk-'Wtat namei' Mike, Oh.
niyer mind the name. Don't We DO too
inquasitivc. Oi ounly wants me ether.
Clerk-'Yes; but I cannot give you
letter unless know your name Mike
We'll. thin, ne name is Pat O. Dom
nell The clerk could fad no letter
for tina, name. and Mike went of NUT
teFing: The irquasilive spalpcen
though. as how he vas schmart; bat o.
I'm arter pullu' the wool over his oiyes.
for Oh guy him the wrong name =
School committeeman examining n
scholar)-'Where is the north pole?'
Il don't know, sir Don't know? Are
you not ashamed that you don't know
where tue north pole is?' why. sir. Ir
Sir John franklin, and DR.. Kane, and
Captain DO Long couldn't find it how
should | know where it is?'-Chicaqo
Times
CHANGING HIs SuInr.-A French
man travelling by railway in England
was very anxious TO change his shirt In
order 10 make visit after tie train
had arrived at its destination, with out
taking the trouble to 80 10 q hotel!
His guidc-book indicated tunnel en-
the road. and he asked the guard
how long the train would DC in the tun-
mel. The guard .mistook his question,
and supposing bio asked how long be-
fore the train woald reach tho tunnel.
answered briefly, Half an hour. The
carriage In which the Frenchman was
travelling contained several ladies and
gentleman. The Traveller got down his
vaitse, unlocked it, and made every
thing ready for change of apparel
while they were in the tunnel. As
soon as they entered it he pulled oil his
SHIRT and prepared TO put on clean
one, but imagine his surprise on dis
covering that the train remained only
three minutes in the tunnel instead OF
thirty! AS they came out into open
daylight ne was standing III their midst
In condition quite unfit for q mixed
company OF ladies and gentlemen.
Little Johnnie Butts found garter
snake in the park the other day, and he
brought IL home, and hid it in tho Hi-
ano. When his sisters young man
opened the instrument that evening 10
play For Goodness Sake he though,
he had zen and yelled like u Piute or
the war path They would Mt believe
Johnnio's innocence somehow, and his
father said that after dinner he a at
tend TO his case
When the family sat down to tho ia
bic Johnnie solemnly entered The room
IN his stocking fcot and carrying n pill
low, which he placed on the chai, be-
fore sitting down.
What new monkey shine is tha,?'
growlsd old Butts
IS Ssh, pa said Johnnie anxionsly. |
Il was playing fireworks with Billy
Simpson, this afternoon, and | swal- |
loved 6 torpedo
Did, CHIP
Yes, and If anything should touch
ne kinder hard / might 80 or and all |
bust up
So the snake indemnity bill was laid |
over till next season.
DISTRESSING TINES FOR Urm q tall
you tho times Gre mighty tight now.
eaid . loafcr, turning from q lunch couu.
ter and addressing an acquaintance. |
Business seems 10 get duller and dali /
CT every day Why, sir, Two been
standing here FOR the last half hour, ami |
nobody has asked me to drink. but In /
1876 it was different. would have had /
three drinks by tbs time with fair chan