The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-04-04
COMIC COMMENTS.


"A Kentuckian's definition of life insur-
snce: 81 don't make none o. them beta,
stranger, that a man must die before he
wins"
Taken at his word: "Don't you think
Clara, that you could love me little p
And Clara answered, with her most engag-
ing smile: Eyes, Fred very httle."-
Boston Transcript,
-Phcing the "i:" "United at last r
Tied the Chicago bride and groom after a
long courtship. Uptied at lastin cried
the Chicago bride and groom after short
matrimony. -Loaisgilie Courier-.Ioa1aal.
Altogether too voiceless: After the
clergyman had united happy pnir not long
ago, an awful silence ensued, which was
broken by an impatient youth exclaiming,
Don't be so nnspeakably happy. n--Anon
"A masculine book Junior qaborious
y)--"Der Buch ist--" Professor c.
Hold! sir. Did You ever see book Of
the masculine gender!" Junior promptly
"a Yes sir. A hymn book, sir."-T aire7-
sty Quarterly.
Fair but false T" 1es,r said tho fair
but false young vocalist to Bumbletop.
"that is an old English song with refrain !"
All" replied the crusty critic, "that just
suits me. Refrain from singing it"-Mt-
veal Herald
A closure! Liberal landlord" What
are you doing in my back yard 2" Irish
tramp engaged in mendiug his clothes]--
" was jist gatherin' in me rints, sorr ~
The squire drops the subject and retiren -
London Pdnos
--Flowery: Scene: Police court.
Magistrate; :" Have you anything to say in
answer to this charge, prisoner {" Prisoner:
Sure, your Worship only that am as in-
nocent az the unborn angels" Three
months hard. )--f9ndon Judy.
Forgiven: aYes,n said Deacon
Snaggs, "that fellow stole my horse but /
shall not prosecute him. He traded the an.
imal to that confounded old scamp, zeke
Hasham, for $500 m ore than 1t was worth,
70 ! forgive him the theft Boston Post.
In regard to dogs age; "How old
o that dog 7" was askel OF colored man
Ii he lives ter see the fifth oh naixt June,
sab, he will be de Oldest dog on de planta.
ton" "And If he don't live until them"
Hell be dead, sah."-Arkansase 1raoeter.
Why she priced It. ~ wouldn't lose
that roller pin for money!" exclaimed mn
Oshkosh woman, brandishing chunck of
wood that looked as though it had been in
fight with sausage chopper. every time
lose husband I cut notch in IT,
Brooklyn Eagle.
"A willing witness: Secretary" Here,
old wan, is your witness fee" Old Man
Thank you worry much As am an old
4an, with few opportunities of earning
penny, | hope you will call upon me again
when you need witness ~ F2egende Blat
Ter
Out of the frying-pan ETC.. Parson Ito
Ne'er-do-welD--" What's this I hear, Giles
THAT your wife has left You. All! this is
@hat /" Giles" She might do worse
han that, SIR" Parson (shocked)-
s'W rse!n Giles" She might come back
again !"-Loadon Puach.
"A mild concet: How apt the young
people are to pick mp the jargom of trade.
When Biggs asked the fair Arethusa to
marry him of hand, she pleaded embarrass
ment and asked for an extension. Ii was
given her, but the love making business vii.
go night On. boston Transcript
"A bit of human natu.e When q man
10 elected ter office his frien's come aroun'
an says. rs glad dat yer beat yer OPP.
ponent, but amt surprised" Bat eff he is
beat, his frien's go to some man on de udder
side an say 81 tole him not Ter run, no
how" -Arkdpsa,o Tyac.ler
Why Dreadnaught is at largs "what
astonishes me-" remarked Mrs. Manu-, sis
how Colonel Dreadnaught manages to keep
out of the State prison" "The probability
o.. replied Blunt, ",hat II K feared that he
night corrupt the conyicts, and so they lei
aim 60 at larpe."-- Boston Transcript.
Decidedly original: "Yes,n faid the
man with the big necktie, Eyes, l thiuk
Charley's play "a 10 work of decided merit.
The character are entirely original No
one ever saw, b .nrd or dreamed OF such per.
scns, and no ono ever viii see, heat or dream
of such Yes. Charley is original, dread
fully original ~ Boston Transcript.
As long as she lived II don't care
what anybody saya,n remarked Mrs Fogg,
Harmly Mr.. Bolus is asgood doctor, and
shall employ him rs long as I i've"
"Very likely replied Fogg; q believe il
isthe same with all his patients They all
employ him-as long IS they lye-that is to
say, until he gets through With them" -
lfoston Transcript.
-AScot's New Year. A canny Scot bad
cat himself installed in tue eldership of the
kirk, and for some timo carried round ths
tadle for the collections. He had accepted
the Office of elder because some wag hat
made him believe that the remuneration wat
sixpence each Sunday. with boil of mea
nj New Years Day. When the time arrived
heeiaimed his meal, but was told that hs
had been hoaxad 80 II may be sac witt
the meal" he said coolly, bnt took carr
ofsthe saxperce myself. ~ IL. den Socitt,
1f Won act with a view to Draise only