davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
HUMOROUS.

An exchange saws: ''Science is pro-
nOuncing against covering the walls OF
houses with paper. Ornamental tiles
are suggested as substitutes" All
right. If science will put up the cash,
we will have our house tiled immediate
ly.-N. Y. Mail.
"A sky light: The sun--The wOm-
ans cause: Because--A tough times
Roughs on a spree-A dose Of salts:
Several sailors sleeping--The bird OF
freedom: An escaped jail-bird--Gen-
orally on the mending hand: The thin
BILE. -Boston Courier.
Afraid in the Dark
A beautiful maid i'm Bismarck.
When the lamp was turned down for spark,
Struggled up to her Fred,
And trcmblingy said.
" / always feel skeered in the dark
-Bismdrck Tribune.
A gentleman who sent a poem to
an editor said in note: Il hope you
will do me the kindness of excusing
the errors in my manuscript The
editor replied: Il have excused all
the errors. In fact, have excused the
entire poem. ''-ArhansaU 1rareller.
words crashed through her teeth A
CLEAN of revenge may have also ''thuD-
dered from her eyes, and a smile Of
scorn "paralyzed her lips" but when
we reached the place where the words
crashed through her teeth we read no
further -NOr1istOWn Herald.
"A traveller who had stopped at .
third-class inn said in an angry tone to
the inn keeper: 1T is abominable! /
was dcvoured all night long by the
bed-bugs" That's very astonishing"
replied the inn-keeper, innocently.
Yesterday my waiter and l killed
more than q hundred and fifty of them
in your chamber" -Atianta Constitu.
ton.
-"Look heah, sah," Indignantly
exclaimed colored gentleman, "does
yer mean ter call me a thief" "Dat's
whut / Means "An' why, sab?
'Splain yerse'f, ur take de rough conse-
quence" lease / seed yer when yer
stole coat" wall, dat's all right.
but eff yer hadn't seen me I'd er whipped
yer, sho' Better be pertic'lar how yer
fools wild me, man, ease | comes from
proud family -Arkansaw Traveller.
-" What's mcsmerism - asked
Poots' little boy the other day. Mes
merism, son, is wcll--let's see.
how can make you understand iG? 1t
is the-where's your dictionary? But
no, never mind. I'll explain it in
another way" and then POots, who
thinks he has remarkably powerful
mind, undertook to exert a mesmeric
influence on his son. Fixing his eyes
on his son in way that made the boy
shudder. he said, as he pointed to the
clock: .' See that pretty bird! Hear 1t
sing! Let's catch it and put it in
cage and he got up and dragged the
unwilling boy after him. "Pretty bird!
pretty bird!' he said, as he patted the
clock. Then the boy broke away with
an awful yell, knocking the clock down
in his terror, and yelling: Ma! ma!
PAS got the jims again" And that
wound up Poots' experiments in mes
merism. Boston Post.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06

bit Of kid. Nom makes shirts and I
work. l start goin' errands about tea
o'clock and keep on all day. We don't
get no car fare for less than twenty
squares, but every Saturday night we
get three tracts to take home. Moru
says she can't eat tracts, but then the
gentleman what gives 'em to us is
mighty nice. He always says we're the
best errand boys in town, and that
when we grow up we musn' t chew tobac-
co or drink, or 90 to the Zoo on Sunday.
One day he gave me two cents for takin'
a letter up to a lady on Thompson
street. l make about ten trips day.
Car fare? Didn't l tell you
that we couldn't ride any less
than twenty squares? One day
l had four bundles, and they
was terrible heavy. l said l couldn't
carry 'em. but the old gentleman " hat
gives us the tracts with our wages came
down into the basement and says he was
surprised. My boy he says. when
[ was your age thought nothing OF
carrying four such little packs as that.
You'll never come to anything if you
uou u IL you uOu tuluk you XIII
60, why, there are lots of boys to be
had. Your mother is poor, and if you
love her you'll shoulder those bundles
like little man and start off,
Mister" said the little fellow,
standing still for a moment, "when he
spoke of MON bein' poor, it pretty near
made me cry. but he said it so nice that
l couldn't do nothing but take hold and
start out. l kinder got sick when got
to Broad street, and sat down to rest on
a door step. 1 must a-stayed there fiji
teen minutes 1 guess, and jest as was
thinkin' of gettin' up, who should see
but the boss. well, says he, is this
the way you treat your kind employers,
who took you off the street and gave
you nice place? I'm ashamed to see
you loatin' this way. Those ladies what
you're goin' to want their goods to
wunst. Never let me find you stop
pin along the street agin, or I'll have
to tell your mother that we don't want
you
cit was scorchin' hot day, mister,
and 1 was tuckered out, but l knew
nom didn't want me discharged, and ]
got up without sayin' word. That's
the way it is all the time. Sometimes
git so tired that fall asleep when !
sit down to eat" and then the tired
errand boy said goodnight and trudged
off to complete his days work.-Rila.
delphiG Times.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
TELL HER.

Tell her you love her; many a weary wife
Would find the heartache lifted from her life
u the dear husband, loving her, no doubt,
Would only sometimes let the secret out.
You think she knows it; that's enough, you
And what's the good of telling her each day
Those little words: II love you" when you
said
Them DER and O er again the day you vel?
But, do you never think that women's hearts
Are very like the tender plant that starts
So fresh and full of life? Suppose the rain
ehouid deluge them in springtime, then re-
Suppose the blessed dew that falls each night
And sinks into their hearts with morning
light
Should say: I'm such little trifilns thing
That, after all the rain they had in spring,
They'll get along without my help each day:
And. on the whole, don't believe twill pay"
How would you find the tiny: fragile flower,
Needing the moisture every day and hour?
Only q withered, dried up, dying thing,
Just like the broken hearts to which we cling.
Is there a fountain of perpetual youth?
Then love must be its source: we find, in
truth,
The loving hearts are those which ne'er grow
old,
And love can pleasures give not bought with
gold.
But do not be content with words alone,
In every thought and act let love be shown
Home may a fOretaste be of Heaven above,
But not without the presence Of your love-.
,MayhaP you think your wife is. sadly
And there's good reason why you are es-
But, if you take panoramic view.
Do not the changes rest as well with your,
Try this. good balm of Gilead," try it well,
Twill work a miracle none can foretell.
Or, like the medicine we sometimes see
That can not well with every one agree,
If it should fail in working all the charm.
Or IF it does no good, twill do no harm"
-UetrOu Post and Tribune.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
English Hangmen.

This curious eagerness to be appoint
I'd 1.-The laws finisher' becomes the
more unintelligible when we consider
the hangman's horrible antecedentsl!
and the baleful, brutal traditions which
surround Ills Office. The predecessors
Of Tom Cheshire, Calcraft and Mari
wood have been through many genera
lions vile, despicable wretches, felons
IN esse or in posse. thieves and murder
crs who had barely escaped the gallows,
who retained always an intimacy and
fellow-feeling with criminals, and not
seldom relapsed into crime For ex1
ample, one Price, the hangman early
last century, was, while actually in Off
fee, convicted of murder. and travelled
to Tyburn on his own account in the
fatal cart. q Another, Dennis, in 1850,
having been one of the ringleaders m
the Lord George Gordon riots, accepted
pardon in order to execute his former
associates, Again, the hangman's func-
tons under our old and ruthless penal
code were those of human butcher
The gallows were like the shambles,
where hecatombs suffered. The exc
cutioner not only slew, ut times he dis
membered. He performed nameless
barbarities, often with refined and sick
ening cruelty, on condemned traitors:
carried their quarters and their decapi-
tated heads back to prison in basket
to be boiled previous to exposure on
Temple Bar. 1t was inevitable
that any man who discharged
such loathsome duties should de-
generate into callous, cold-blooded
ruffian, and the latest practitioner.
can not possibly have escaped deteriora.
ton. An executiOner constantly and
exclusively engaged in the taking of hui.
man life must by the very nature of his
vocations become brutaliZed. This is
established beyond doubt. 1t is idle to
talk of Calcraft as a mild-natured man,
latterly of venerable appearance. and q
devoted follower of Isaak Walton, fond OF
flowers, estimable in his domestic rela.
tions. The fact is he was a saturnine
his deterioration was marked and COM
paratively rapid. The rumor runs that
when he first sought, quite unlimited
and of his own free will, the employ.
ment with which his name has since
been so intimately associated, he was q
man who lived in the odOr of sanctity,
was not without repute as a local preach.
er, and was generally a reputable mem.
Der Of society. The rule of nil mist
bonum may, perhaps, be invoked tc
shield even hangman's memory, and
it will be enough to hint that he was not
an irreproachable person toward the
close of his career. 1t may be stated.
too, to his discredit, that he latterly
permitted himself to add ridicule anG
contumely to his CHASTITY functions.
The fact that he could make money by
their rehearsals, as happened not long
ago at a certain cathedral town, where
he performed the process of pinionine
the curious at q shilling a head, proves
that he must have grown singularly
depraved in his latter days. That such
an exhibition was possible is the best ar.
gument for an entire revision of oul
method of giving effect to capital pun
ishment.-Maor Griffin, m Fortmghtl5
RevieW.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
Women Fencers.

A man with waxed mustache, mild
blue eyes and bald head stood in a
martial attitude in his fencing academy
yesterday. and twirled a stick in his
hand. 1.-THE stick-was about three
feet long, half an inch in diameter.
and had a basket-hilt, which ctfectual-
lv protected the haui of the man U.S.
ing it.
"This is the implement that Indies
handle in fencing said the professor,
balancing it deity on one finger.
"Why don't they use the foil?''
"They are afraid of it. Besides, they
don't like to wear masks, which rumple
the hair
"Have you many women pupils?'' !
"Nine come here, and l have two
families whom l visit twice a week. MY
outside pupils have gymnasiums of their
own, and two of them are quite expert
with the sticks. don't aim to teach
them fencing-simply the short-stick
exercises. They do not thrust at each
other with intent to strike, but merely
for the side-arm movements used in
parrying. 1t is all very nice and gen
tie"
"Then they do not learn to fence as
men do?'
"Oh, no. They scream if you at
tempt anything aggressive. What they
want is the exercise of the thing. 1t
gives them good color, makes their
arms full, their wrists strong, and
rapidly increases their strength. 1t is
particularly good for girls who lack an
erect and-shall say jaunty?"
YES, if you choose
eyes, jaunty carriage" said the pro-
lessor, stepping about on his toes. and
toying carelessly with his waxed mus
tache.
How do women dress when indulg-
ing in small stick practice?''
"In the blOoming-Imean bloomer-
costume commonly used for gymnasium
exercise, -breeches, long stockings,
full waist, no belt, and long skirt. Us,l,
ally girl are satisfied to go through
the simpler movements of the exercise,
and stop there, but once in while a
girls comes along who becomes ambi-
tious for the real art of fencing. A little
practical experience usually disheart-
ems her. There are, however, half a
dozen women in New York who are rea-
sonably expert
"Women can not compete with men,
then?''
"Oh. no. They have not the build
or endurance. The exercise tires them
out. The sticks satisfy them usually -
N Y. Sun.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
A Ghostly Narrative

1t was cruel job that several mem
bers of the fraternity of commercial
missionaries, commonly callen drum
mers, put up on brother exhorter. He
had been sent South for three months,
and therefore missed his usual trip uE
North, and the boys got a notice OF his
death inserted in a paper and sent it tc
all his customers. Then they spread
the report that his ghost continued te
travel the route he did in the flesh ano
had called upon several old customers
There's good deal of superstition left
among the up-country merchants yet
and the report made some of them
nervous. Of course Nickerson, the mis-
sionary, had heard nothing of this. II
was about dusk of one of the damp
gloomy, drizzly, wet days of last week
that country merchant named Corbin
who does business in u small New
Hampshire town, was ut his desk. II
was dull day; there was nobody bu
Corbin in the store. He had not
lighted the lamps, and in the cleaning
the place, festooned on one side with
cardinal hose and cheap shawls and or
the other, the hardware side, with hand
saws, etc., had quite weird appear
ance. Corbin was busy at his desk al
the back end of the store. Nickersor
entered very quietly and unperceived
and. when Corbin looked up, there
stood the drummer, directly in front OF
him. COrbin always had held a strong
faith in ghosts and did not for moment
doubt that one stood before him. With
a howl of fear he hurled the ink-stand
at the astOunded missionary and then
bolted under the counter. The mission.
airy couldn't understand it. He did not
know that he had offended Corbin, but
he was indignant at being covered with
ink, and resolved on having an expla-
nation. So over the counter he went,
grabbed the trembling Corbin and
hauled him out. 'What the tophet did
you do it for?' demanded Nickerson.
''Oh, forgive me- pleaded Corbin. 81
was so surprised at seeing you
Hang you! Is that the way you act
when you're surprised?' ''Ye-yes,
sir. What do you want? Why have
you come here?' 40 sell you bill
of goods, of course. Get up here and
look at my samples. Light a light"
AO-yCo. wi Jill tuI HCu W SCU a
match, and just then Nickerson went
out to get his samples from his wagon,
and when Corbin got the lamp lighted
he looked about and no Nickerson was
to be seen. Then he was sure it was
ghost, and he went and locked all the
doors and crawled into the wood-box
and pulled the lid down, and Nickerson
tried the door, found it was locked, con-
Guided that Corbin was drunk or crazy,
got into his wagon and drove off.
Corbin stayed in the box about an hour,
till number of townSmen and Cor
bins wife broke in to hunt him up, and
then he told his story, and opinion was
divided as to whether he had seen
ghost or was drunk. Since then Nick
erson has met with one or two other
milder suggestions that ne is ghost,
and has come to understand the affair,
and has written Corbin an explanation.
But Corbin has not made it public il
town, and sticks to his ghost story. He
feels that he can't afford to be laughed
at.-Bosto,s Post.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
HOME, FARM AND GARDEN.

Remember that tools and ma
chinery are damaged more by unnec-
essary exposure than by use.-M Y,
Times.
If the stair-rails are dingy. their
appearance may be improved by wash
ing them with little sweet milk; pol,
ish with flannel cloth.
An exchange says posts can be pre-
served from rotting for less than two
cents each by painting with boiled lin
seed oil stirred with pulverized coal to
the consistency of paint.
Sugar cookies without eggs are
made Of two cups of sugar, one of but
ter, one of milk, half teaspoonful of
bicarbonate of soda, half teaspoonful
of cinnamon or of nutmeg, with flour
enough to roll.-Detroit Post.
Leaks in roofs. about chimneys and
elsewhere, may be stopped by thicken-
ing whitehead paint with fine clean
sand. Openings are easily filled with
this cement, and become durably water
tight. For smaller leaks less sand is
put in. and the paint remains more near
ly liquid.-The Household.
Nice bread-cake is made of two
cups of light bread dough, one and a
half cups of sugar, half a cup of butter,
three tablespoonful of sour milk, half
teaspOonful of soda, half grated nut
meg, a teaspoonful of cinnamon, cup
OF raisins chopped and with -four dust
ed over them. Stir all in but the rails
ms, and put them in the last thing. 1t
should rise for half an hour and then be
baked in moderate Oven.-N. T. Post.
Never allow any one to tickle your
horse in the stable The animal only
feels the torment, and does not under
stand the joke. Vicious habits are thus
easily brought on. Never clean horse
in the stable, the dust fouls the crib and
makes him loathe his food. Use the
currycomb lightly. When used rough
ly it is source of great pain. Let the
heels be well brushed out every night.
Dirt, if allowed to cake in, causes dis
ease and sore heels.-N. Y. Times.
In making roots for fowls let them
be level and on line. If they are so
arranged as to have some of them high
and others low the fowls will crowd to-
gether on the higher perches, leaving
the lower ones unOccupied, which is not
only waste of space, but cause OF
sore feet and other ailments, as the
heavier fowls can not easily get on or
off the perches when they are very high.
The lower they are the better, provided
the coops are ventilated at the top and
warm and dry near the tloor.-Prairie
Farmer.
Farm and Garden says the com.
plant that the apple crop is short. and
that the trees are dying out, should not
deter growers from setting out new
orchards. for the apple trees may pass
over the trouble, just as the rot on the
grape has done its worst, or as the po-
tato has survived the beetle, which was
nearly exterminated by enemies the past
season. AS the grape fungus and pota-
to beetle are not now so terrifying, we
are in hopes that the apple orchards
will pass safely over the difficulty that
affects the trees.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
Thumbs and Thumb Lore.

Since the interest in palmistry has
been revived we have become more OF
less inclined to regard our hands with
more than common respect as the ora
Giles by which our virtues as we'll as our
shortcomings are registered, and on
which to great measure our veal OF
woe is dependent. And as in palmistry
the thumb plays chief part, SO we find
that in ancient as well as in modern
time that member of the hand has been
of great historical and social impor-
lance. An article on ''Thumb Lore in
the Antiquary initiates us in all the
legends which have been formed of the
thumb. We are told that Sin the re-
hottest days of antiquity among Goths,
Iberians and Moors the licking of the
thumb was regarded as solemn pledge
or promise Another custom of even
greater grace and elegance was COM
mon in Scotland, where among the
lower classes bargains were concluded
by clicking and joining of thumbs. ;"
But the same ceremony was not always
and everywhere n sign of agreement or
form of business; licking or biting the
thumb was often challenge, as in
..Romeo and Juliet, or, as in Decker's
dead Term" an act to ''beget quar-
rels." Sir Walter Scott also alludes to
it in this sense, and many stories are
told where the biting of the thumb. OF
even of the glove. caused death and de-
struction. Kissing the thumb was re-
garded as sign of serv.lity, the cere-
mony being performed at interviews OF
tradesmen with superior customers.
The important part which the Emper.
or's thumbs played in the days Of
gladiators is well known; not SO, per
haps, the Chinese custom which still
prevails, to preserve an impression OF
the thumbs of criminals, by which, as
the thumb is said never to change in its
formation and other characteristics,
malefactors are identified on future
committals. The very Latin name
pollen is by antiquaries pointed out as
being the root from which the word
posiiceri, ito promise or engage" is
derived. -PdU- Mall Gazette.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06

"A baby girl born to Mrs. Augusta
Nilsson Lundberg on the steamship
Germanic, during its recent voyage to
New York. has grateful burden to
bear through life. The young mother
was on her way to join her husband in
Nebraska, and was in the steerage with
scant means. A. S. Hewitt. who was a
passenger on the Germanic. collected
sixty dollars for her, Captain Kennedy
performed the rite of baptism. and the
grateful mother laid upon her little one
the name Mary Kennedy Hewitt Ger
manic Lundberg. MIR. Hewitt, on ar
irving in New York, changed Mrs.
Lundberg's emigrant ticket for first
class and sleeping-car tickets to Osceo-
Ia, Neb, where her husband waits his
fsmily.-N. Y. Mail.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-12-06
Personal AND LITERARY.

Miss Edith Jeffrey is very wealthy;
yet she writes poems for Harpcr's Nag
7sine, supports and educates two young
girls, and finds time for numerous char
tiles.
George ID. Robinson will be the
third Governor of Massachusetts directly
descended from Dolor Davis, who came
over in 1885. The other two were
John Davis and John d. Long.-Boston
Post.
All Yank King, q young Chinese
graduate at the Yale Sheffield Scientific
School, has returned to this country
despite the command of his Govern
ment, and wi abide with us.-Detrott
Post.
Miss Bessie Jones is the editor of .
newspaper ut Athens, o., and is de-
scribed rs s.the wittiest and brightest
girl that can be found between the ris-
ing and the setting of the sun. IN. \.
Graphic.
Agnes May Fleming died several
years ago. but novels bearing her name
are still published in pursuance OF an
arrangement with her family, who have
sold the use of her name to story
writer. Chicago Herald.
William NJ. Evarts is getting thin
ner and more nervous than ever, and
now weighs scarcely hundred. New
ertheless, the ex-Secretary is still hard
worker. and reaps over one hundred
thousand dollars q year from his law
practice Y. Times.
Judge Thomas Drummond has been
on the Federal bench continuously for
thirty-three years first as United
States District Judge for Illinois, then
as United States Circuit Judge for
Northern Illinois, and since 1869, as
United States Judge for the Seventh
Circuit, embracing Illinois, Wisconsin
and Indiana. Members of the bar
speak and think of him as still in his
prime. Indianapolis Journal.
A recent issue of the american Req
lister contains the following terse criti-
cism of the novelists of to-day: 1.-The
modern novel is drifting as far away
from plot as modern music is from mel
ody. A sentiment is now elaborated
and called a story. and characters are
little else than catalogues of peculiari-
ties. selected from varied sources, and
fastened upon one impossible individu-
atty A bit of real flesh and blood.
that speaks the language of everyday
life, is becoming rarer and rarer in fic-
ton. which appears to be running to
seed in pursuit of mere style"