The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1883-06-28
. THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS TO LAUGH OVER.
Not n Selfish nIan-Thc Snme Cat-Seuutor
Dnvis's Rnce, Etc.
A RACE.


friends, among whom was Mr.. Evarts,
the conversation drifted to athletic sports
and foot races. Mr.. Evarts, with view
to one Of his sarcastic jests, turned to
the great trunk alongside of him, from
which he himself may be supposed to
have been whitfield off as silver, md
suggested that such sports were entirely
out of his line. We'll, Evarts', replied
Judge Davis, perhaps you think can't
run Now, look here, I'll bet You case
of wine I can beat you in hundred
yards if you will let mo choose my
ground and will give me five yards start
I'm heavy, ,yom know, and want solid
footing.' Mr. Evarts was satisfied that
he had dead sure thing and as the
evening had advanced the dignitied COM
pnny resolved to unbend itself still fur
thcr for the sport. Come on, them
shouted the Senator, follow me! So
away they went, down to a narrow alley
that runs between Twelfth and Thr-
tccnth streets. Marching into it for the
distance of five yards, while his arms
touched the brickworl1 on each side, he
quietly observed: Now, Evaus, Get in
behind mo, and take your time. I am
going to take miner"
WHY HE LEFT A RESTAURANT
80 you have left our restaurant" said
ono man to another on the Call Board
last week, "what's the trouble?"
ooh, [ got thoroughly saturated with
disgust"
"Disgusted, ell? What at?'
"Why you see it is right here l got
tired of ordering corn beef and cabbage.
and hearing the waiter sing out, Red
rag with blanketI = cuff buttons for
Goldfish balls, cotton bats for hot rolls,
aud brown paper for one when order
'1ckwheat cakes. All this, together
with odd Fellows for three links of
sausage, disgnsted me, and I quit"
THE SAME CAT.
The following story is told of George
Briggs who lived in Watcrtown, N. Y:
When he was about If years of age, he
conceived the idea that his father was
not treating him exactly in the manner
lie should, and like n great many other
young men, he resolved TO leave the pa
icrnal mansion. So he went to Cape
Vincent and shipped on schooner
bound down the river. On reaching
Clayton, George was not only homcsick.
but also seasick. The schooner touched
Clayton and George, with Il face longer
than the moral law, was gazing Wolfe
lslandward. Some one tapped him Oh
the shoulder; George looked up it was
his father. He followed him silently
from the boat, and reached the island
just before supper; he greeted his
another with tender smile, and as he
looked around the house he saw the bio
Maltese cat by the stove Then George
found words to speak, and this was what
he said
'Why, mother, You have the same
rat You had when ] left home" George
mad been away from home Just thirty
nine hours.
A HOPELESS CASE.
\ diner-out, who has had more tbon
his share of wine, is carefully feeling his
way home at night, when he ,mfortu-
nately stnmhlcs against the circular rail.
ing which surrounds q statue.
After having gone around it about
seven times, the hopclcsSneSs Of his stu
alton flashes upon him with vivdncss.
and he sinks down upon the pavement
outside with despairing shrek:
"The scoundrcls They've shut me
in here %
HE WAS NOT SELFISH.
Of the late Joseph Iasigi. the vencr-
able Boston merchant, q good story is
related by the Hmgham JO,unul to the
following effect
One line Sunday morning the bark
Sea Bird, owned by the old firm Of laHigi
4 Goddard, was hauling into the dock,
ilSt arrived from voyage to the Med
lterrancan, on which voyage she had
beaten the famous clipper Race Horse.
Learning that she was signallcd below.
the two partners met for Generalization
and, attired in their Sunday clothcs'
repaired to the wharf. Everything was
IN apple-pie order, and the bright paint
and glittcring rigging delighted the two
owners, as we'll as the crowd of bystand-
CTS who had gathered. AS she drew
near enough to the capSill to board, the
tide being low, the distance to her deck
WAS too great for jump, and MI InsiHi
srlZett hold of hackStay and, clenchiuG
tightly, slid nimbly to the deck, but
90 ms dlsmay tho rigging had been
freshly tarrcd, and his hands were COM
Iaetely cmbalmed. Quick MS lightning
he concealed this, and when n loddrr
was placed for his partner to descend Ln
stepped briskly to the foot of it, and
pretending to he ono of the new v ar.
rived, graspcd the hand of Mr.. Goddard
with Good morning, Missur Goddard
make you much joy," of course trans.
terring n large part of the black pitch to
the delicate white hand which his part
ner had readily extended, but which
was Indignantly y withdrawn when Mr.. I.
exclaimed, "Missur Goddard, I takes
noting from dis bark not share Wis
YOU"
KNOWING SOMETHING.
An amusing incident recently took
Place at trial in London. The prose
cutting counsel, Mr.. Saunders, examined
the constable who had made the arrest of
the priscIer, and asked: "Well, what
did the prisoner say?" Constable-"Ah. /!
YOU want to know something" Laugh
ter. Mr.. Saunders-"Ycs; T want You
to tell me what he said" Constable
"You want to know something." Con
t'nued laughter.l The learned counsel
appeared disconnected, end appealed to
the Bench whether the constable ought
not to answer the question. Mr.. Fletch-
Ell" Certainly" Go the constuble) ::
''What did the prisoner say?" Consta.
ble-"You want to know something"
Roars Of laughter. Up to this time
tha nrOQArntino pp,nucl Il ol n,>lx,