The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-03-31
The New Musical Critic.

berry Clarion was great card. Nobody
who gazed upon his gossamer limbo, his
| specialized orbs or the airline crease
which divided his hyacmthe locks into
| equal sections on either side his bulgiag
brow, could doubt this for an instant
The managing editor, an earthly
| creature, however. had his doubts about
the ethereal young man; but rs the
| musical critic had come well recon-
mended. the managing editor stilled his
doubts and showed the young man his
desk.
The first job the young man was given
was To do the opera on the coming night.
He sailed forth in stunning evening
dress, with n full score under his arm
and his heart bullying with melodious
anticipations.
Returning. and having finished his
critique, he took it TO the managing
editor who babe him sit down and read
the stuff aloud The young mans soul
was terribly. shocked that his splendid
composition should be called "stuif. v
However, he began. with as good grace
as he could under the circumstances, AS
follows:
"The tuneful sweetness OF the macs
tro's chef-d' cure was never Interpreted
with more engaging esprit dc corps than
by the artists in this melodious aggrega-
ton. The chromatic tints were laid on
with q prodigality of fervor that
sublimated the appoggiatura and apotll-
eosIzed the contrapuntal tone-waves -
''Hold upln exclaimed the managing
editor, what do You mean by all thatp"
"Meanw CALCULATED the musical critic;
chow do you suppose l know I've
done work for the great dailes, and
nobody ever asked me what | meant.
Shall | go onp''
The managing editor nodded. and the
young man proceeded:
"And apo,heosized the contrapuntal
tone-waves with dynamic expulsion. Sig
nora Screechowl, the primest prima don
ma, was in her best voice, improved MS II
was by a slightly catarrhal shading which
eradicated those incisiye murmurs which
tickle only the ears of the amateur lover
of the warblng Muse. Her embonpoint
was grandly effective, and no words can
hope to depict the cataclysmic effect of
her dolce FIR niente in the brayura pass
age in the seventeenth bar"
II don't catch on worth u cent"
sadly murmured the managing editor;
"but rs you have worked on the great
daiies, | suppose it's all right.
The young man said "Yes" and went
on.
"Signor Macaroni, the tenore assoluta,
attacked with consummate aplomb. adj
vanced in column by division closed in
mass, and carried the works Of the great
maestro by an adrot movement in eche.
lon"
"Was there battle scene in the
operaPn innoeentiy inquired the snanag
ing editor.
.tBattle scener exclaimed the young
man, contemptuously. mo, sir; no
battle other than the forceful conflict of
lyrical acoustics.
"Ahn said the managing editor, 81
understand. Proceed"
but the climax Of mellilluous grand
eur was attained when Mile. Lotoni, the
ultra-contralto, entered the lists. The
coltsh freshness of her tuneful tongue
was something astounding in its casta.
divan effects. The charoscuro Of her
andante-adagio was complemcnted per-
fecty by the middle distance OF her
adagio-andante, and the two achieve
ments together coruscated through the
house with all the grace and witchery
of the gemini Of astronomical famili.
arity."
II guess that will do said the man
aging editor. IL don't care TO hear any
more tonight. Pm not feeling very
well, and few more lines might set me
into brain fever. Your critique il a
splendid one, the best ever heard--foi
the kind shall put it all in
And he put IL into the waste-basket
forthwith.
"Great Heavens!'' exclaimed the young
man, edo YOU mean to say that you amt
a-going TO print it?''
That's about the size OF it, was the
cool reply.
"But, look here" said the critic, "you
don't know q good thing when you see
II. I've worked those ideas into more
than twenty articles, and not one Of 'em
was ever rejected before. '
Nobody would understand word OF
ii if printed it" ventured the editor.
"Of course they wouldn't eagerly
replied the critic; nobody ever under
stands what fellow writes about music.
That IS the point"
"The pointp'
eyes; don't you see, you can use that
article lots Of ways. By the changes Of
word here and there, you have first.
rate art notice: then by adding few SEN
fences and transposing few more, you
have graphic account OF prize fight,
or a baseball game, or walking match,
or great battle, patent-medicine puff,
or an editorial on the tariff. There's no
end Of the ways in which you can work
the thing up.
Its grand scheme" said the man
aging editor; "too grand for the Gran
berry Clarion, IN 'fraid. You ID bet
ter take it to one Of your great dailes;
and while you re about it, you ID better
take yourself there, too. 1t would be
cruel to compel you to hide your light
beneath the bushel of country news
paper. Go, myS dear boy-it is best
we part at once. Adieu-farewell-b
gomez
And the musical critic gathered his
gossamer. limbs together and slid off into
the silent night.
The readers of the Cranberry Clarion
may never know of the terrible calamity
which they so narrowly escaped, and the
managing editor will probably 60 down
into his grave carrying with him the
secret of his beneficent firmness. Boston
Transcript.
One of tire many strange enisodes III |