Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-10-29


Something to be looked into-A mirror.
Paying the piper-Settling with the
gas-fitter.
Some people go out for wool and come
home shorn.
Bobby says that lectures for young
people are often illustrated with cuts.
A (s)centless thing-the postage stamp
of to-day as compared with that of a
month ago.
The quality of mercy isn't strained,
but much Of the stuff called mercy ought
to be.
''She loves him still, is the title of a
recent novelette,. She probably wants to
do all the talking herself
The difference between a tramp printer
and feather bed {? One is hard up and
the other is soft down.
Vennor is going to bankrupt hardware
men. He is inducing them to lay in a
big supply of skates for this winter
Brooklin grocer, called by his GUS
toners the champion light weight" is
scratching his head to discover the COM
pliment.
Fortune sometimes comes to de one dat
least 'spects it, but it's more apt to come
to de man what works de hardes' for it.
When composer lives in the garret OF
a tenement house, it is safe to say that
he has attained to music of the 'shighest
flight"
The young man who sang, "Take me
to My dear Old Home" at a fireman's
banquet, was subsequently taken there
ON blind.
A man recently passed through Tusko.
gee, Alabama, trundling his wife in a
wheelbarrow. 1t is supposed that he had
lost wager, and the boys wouldn't lei
up on him.
"What influence has the moon ON the
tide?" the teacher asked John Henry
And John Henry said: 'It depended on
what was tied; if it was a dog it made
him howl"
Elderly philanthropist, to small boy
vainly trying to pull door bell above
his reach: ''Let me help you, my little
man." pulls bell.1 Small boy; ''Now
you had better run or we'll both get 6
licking
Yeast was invented in the year leven
gambling in the year won; pianos in the
yeer forte; etheticism in the year sstoo;
the German negative in the year ''nein,
and free lunches in the year "ate''
A reporter who had just done his first
boat-race was rebuked by the city editor
for not mentioning anywhere that the
oarsmen ''took water" and replied that
none of them took water. They all toob
gin.
"See here!" exclaimed the irate agent
to the dancing master who hired the hall
''are you going to pay me any rent any
time this year?" "Well," replied the
Professor" 81 haven't any money just
now, but I'm taking steps to raise some.
GLOW much is this leg of mutton?" in
quired sleek-faced chap of butcher
"Well, sir" said the knight of the cleaver
Il shall charge you" ,"All right" ex
claimed the stranger, seizing the meat and
scootin' off with it call right; charge it.
Nothing more disgusts party of New
port fox-hunters than to have an old COW
get ahead of them and go racing anG
snorting along, with her tail In the all
and terror in her soul. It looks as though
they were chasing the cow, and that's moi
an English custom.
The British Medical Journal, in dis
cussing blushing and its scientific cause
has become sadly mixed on red cheeks
| and red noses. They are two very diff
ferent reds. One is a charming indica
tion of confusion or innocence, and the
other means something else The Brit
ish medical editor should study youne
| girls more and his assortment of tonics
| less.
A Salt Lake merchant sold an IndiaI
an opera glass, and as he tied up the pur
chase congratulated his dusky customer
on the rapid progress he was making
| toward civilization. A few minutes late
the gentle savage threw the glass bacl
upon the merchants hands. He had dis
covered that they were not double-bar
relied flask, out of which he could tax,
two drinks at the same time.
| JOSH BILLINGS HEARD FRoM.-NEwPoRT, r. l.
/ Aug. IL, 1880.
| Dear Bitters.-I am here trying to breathe in a
the salt air of the ocean, and having been suffere
| for more than year with refractory liver, I wa
| induced to mix Hop Bitters with the sea gale, an
! have found the tncture glorious result.