The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-09-13
HIanitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, SEPT. I3, 1888.
Domestic Misadventures.

To quiet looker-on in Vienna there
is a great deal OF fun to be found on the
watering-place boats. Men with bot
tie or two under their belts become gar
ruious, are disposed to open the family
closet and expose the foul linen. A
group of four noisy takers were quite
prominent, a few nights since, on re-
turn boat, and those in the immediate
vicinity were much amused as well as
edited by the conversation. | am in
clined to think there was much of it
pure invitation and created on the spot
for the amusement of young lady sit
ting near the group, who momeDtarily
exploded with laughter and then check
ed it with suddenness that was ludic-
rous.
my wife," said a stout man of
mirthful aspect, Likes to have me come
home to dinner
so does mine," chorused the
others.
The other night continued the fat
man, Il went home pretty late, took off
my shoes and crept up stairs as lightly
as a caterpillar. Iopened the chamber
door, shook off my clothes, and gently
lsid down on the edge of the bed. 1t
was like sleeping on the edge of hair
brush. In the morning / threw my arm
back and found the bed empty. Tll
catch it at breakfast thinks | to my
self. Down to breakfast | went, just as
full of lies as a man of my size could
hold, and found no wife. but a note on
the breakfast table and dated the day
before, saying: Dear Charlie: Have
cone to spend few days with mother
AM had slept on the edge of the bed
when | might have had it all. :"
l never saw a man enjoy joke at
his own expense like the fat man.
An astute-looking individual, who
would have been mustered into a de-
tective force on first application and
not question asked, here took up the
running.
II have no fault to find with my
wife. She is A l, oopper-fastened, and
all that, you know, but | have moth
er-in-law whom | wish with satan twen-
ty times day. If she should ever die
Gan event which threatens to be post
ponei until time runs out of materially
the devil will shut up shop and go into
lilC COuulI OliCl III ~ Lolt III y
wife that | would take some mutton
tallow and grease the front stair carpet
to see if that old woman's neck could
be broken. l think the ancient has a
habit of fastening her ear to the key
hole. The next morning | went down
stairs on my back, and, looking up from
the bottom, saw the old woman grin.
ming at the baiustrade. Try some
, mutton tallow, DEAR she yelled, its
good for bruises. "
The third one to chip in was gen.
tleman with a perfectly vacant cast OF
countenance and apparently with many
empty cells in his mind where no emo
ton had ever lodged. when l &C
out" he said, II stay all night, and my
wife don't have to set up for me. [ al
ways send messenger boy up before
start to ask her what she's going to
have for breakfast next morning."
The fourth of the group was a Ger.
man of stoical cast of countenance
you don't commence right like
was" said the Teuton. 81 always has
peace in mine fireside. did not mar
ry mine WIFE,.
1t was curious to see how quiet anC
thoughtful the four became as the boa
approached the city of Brooklyn.-Cor
Louisville COurier-Jou7nal.