Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1883-09-13

Texas Siflinug.

Texas siflings.
One of the most difficult things in this
world, next to swimming the Whirlpool of
Niagara, is to get into the upper berth of
q sleeping car. 1t is q moving and effect
ing spectacle to SEQ the fat and habitually
digniied head of a family laboriously &C.
quire possession of an upper berth. The
trouble usually begins by the old gentle.
man expostulating with the conductor
for putting him SO high up, and he beg
that gilt edged official to try and make q
trade with some small sized man who can
easily climb up tho side of the car and
crawl inside with little or no difficulty.
Tho commanding officer of the quarter.
deck says he will see what he can do about
it, aud then ho wanders of into the blue
regions Of tue smoking car and shakes dice
with the train boy for cigar. Meanwhile
tho fat man waits and perspiros and fumes
and curses all of the officials Of the road
from the president down to tho section
bosses.
Whep the conductor saunters leisurely
back he tells the fat man that nothing can
be done no one, he says, will exchange
lower berth for an upper-no, not even If
the fat man will give something to boot,
other passengers and waits until they
have all retired before he tries to get up
| into the berth.
There are several different ways Of
forcing an entrance Into an upper berth.
You can hire the porter for two bits to
give you leg up, but this method is
liable to attract attention and excite un
generous and sarcastic remarks. Tho
dignited fat man has 4 regular circus.
| First, swinging himself up by tho curtain
bar, he tries to go in feet first, but ho
can't let go the rail without tumbling
back again into tho aisle The porter
helps him out Of this fix, and tho fat man
| tries q now deal. This time he steps on
the ear of u sleeping beauty in the lower
berth, and the sleeping beauty knocks
the pins out from under him, and tbs fat
man retireS to the washroOm t. batho hia
nose and abuse mOnopOlieS.
| Then lie gets the porter to bring a
campstOol ho EOts up on it, catches hold
OF tho brass rod above, and is about tC
spring for the berth when tho campstooI
doubles up, and, in his efforts To save him
self from coming down with ''dull thud
on the floor, he wildly grasps the bellcOrd,
and that stops the train aud tho COndGG
tor comes in and uses language to him,
| and the passengers all wake up and use
moro language, and the dignilied fat pas
| sepgcr oven wishes hC were dead or that he
had moro clothes on. Finally he manages
to crawl into the upper Oertb, and he boils
over with malicious thoughts and sinister
desires Tor the bankruptcy Of the rail
road company. 1t is a full hour before he
rclapses into Slumber, and then the
conductor comes along and punches him
and his ticket and thUn a horrible suSpi~
cion flashes across him that the berth may
become lOOsCned IN some way from it's
catch aud spring up against the ceiling of
tho car and smother him. lie sleeps nc
more until daylight, aud then lie las t.
jump out aud dress hurriedly, for the
train is running into tho city.
A good str0tch on tho longitudinal
cushioned seats of the caboose of q freight
train is many points ahead of the bes
upper berth ever invented icr palace
sleeping car, and VIC don't care who knows
il