Arizona weekly citizen., 1883-04-28
BreYitieS.

The Jersey mosquito, like charity, De- gins to hum.-N. I. Com
 When money matters are tight with man Is 1t any reasol for his getting tight too?
 Trihes hght as blonde hair have been known visibly to affect the movements of great men.
 sI am free to confess" as the thief remarked when he turned Statess evl- dence.-BOs Trans.
 Being asked the name of her native place, she replied: l have none; am the daughter of Methodist minister.
 Every college has its faculty, but 1t isn't always a faculty of getting along smoothly with the students.-Low. Cit.
 A new song IS entitled, "We never Speak as We pass" Probably they are both courting the same girl.-Som. Jour.
 The name of Ripper & See, a promi- nent shipping firm of New South Wales, can be added to the list of odd names. N. O. Pic.
 A fell w-feeling makes ms wondrous kind. but 1t depends somewhat whether the fellow Is feeling for our purse or nOt.-N. I. Com
 Kentucky editors have good cause for smiling. The probable whisky crop ID that State for the present year Is estl- mated at 5,0O0.0OO gallons.
 German wit that Is carelessly transla- ted and poorly paraphrased IS about as stale as an imported bologna that has been smpwrecked.-N. Y. Com.
 Some new kInd of idiot has risen to say that shrImps are cure for nervous diseases. As well assert that strawberry short-cake will mend broken leg
 The King of the Hawaiian Islands Is trying to initiate the United States Iu one respect at least. His standing army consists of fOrty-nine men.-N. Y. Com.
 A young man who joined the church when quite young says 1t is terribly gall ing to try to look solemn during pray er-meeting and wink at a pretty girl at the same time. Puck.
 They say that properly-trsined h. dian baby Chile never hOwls. B ch- elor Brix says If that woman next door will send down to South America for the recipe hell pay all the expenses.-N. I. Com.
 The Detroit Free Press man IS fond of cats, but when he finds that old Tabby has left five kittens m hIs best silk hat he'll dance about and call her Judas Iscariot as quick as any other man. BOs. Post.
 Rough on rising talent; Brown: Don't think yOu are dOIng as well as you were last year, old man. Robinson: But l was not painting at all last year Brown: Exactly so! That's just itr'- Lon. Judy.
 The New Orleans Picayune has dis covered that "the dude has two watch chains, but no watch" The dude IS not such fool as he looks, for he knows that the weight of watch would make him bow-legged.
 The Hon. Mr. Blue Horse of Pine Ridge Agency tried to chop wood and as a result lost one of his eyes. What in fernal fools these Indians arel A white man would have known enough to leave the vOOd-choppIng to his wife.
 Muskrats are, somehow, very plenty ! folks are gunning for them that man who turns corner suddenly Is quite liable to get his legs filled mp with small shot intended for a rat.-BOs. Post.
 The Rev. Miss Anna Divers recent senseless onslaught on the theaters and dancing Is another proof that wo- man preaching IS ike dogs walking up his hind legs lt Is not done well, but you are surprised to find 1t done at all.-Bos Post.
 "Remember, my son, that yOu are not always making poIur when you get of a sharp thing" Is that iatherly advice of the aget Boston Transcript. Perhaps not; but when "my son" gets of sharp thing he makes point 10 find out who put the bent pin on hls chair. Herbert Spencer says that the leading impression America gives him Is that of breakneck haste. l. IS suspected that the distmgui-h English man formed his opinion just after hearing 6 philan- thropist m a crowded bar room remark: Come up boys and take something" A fan made of bank notes was the gift made Go Methodist pastor at Newark. \. J., recently. This Is a decided im- provement 9n the donation party. With such fan, the clergyman should have no trouble to raise the vind-a remark that has been probably made several hundred times since be received the gift.
 Christian women, shouts Media. Dixvalst. believe me, We men want your help" Then he proceeds tO tell them why "we men" want their help. It I- because woman vas al the beginning of all the trouble m the world. Not to dwell upon this insult, 1t may be re- marked that drowning rats do no. usu- ally look for assistance from the storm that IS sinking the ship they are in.