The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1883-09-25

BIRDIE B."
Fascinated Him, Consequent
ly Her Control Was
Complete.
Interesting Extracts from the Dia-
ry of a Clerk in the Old
M K. & T. Office.
L" BIRDIE B."

The practice o. keeping "diary" has a
certain fascination for the majority OF man
kind, but IL Is not often one Is Kept with
such rigid idea of truth III detail as Is the
following. NJ matter how, no matter
when IL came int, the possession OF the
BAZDO; suffice IT To say, 1t got there. ANA
the record is rich, rare and racy, and was
written by an employee of the VI, n " L.
controllers office in this city. IL is COM
nienced in For; - OF, anu is dated July
25th, 1873. The author seems to have had
a spasm OF either thought or remOrse, and
discusses thus!y:
Bought new office desk for my office,
and spent the whole evening IN
fixing up bachelors paradise with carpet,
furniture. pictures, ETC. Twas past ten
when / got through. Have made ever so
MANY good resolutions concerning my
spending procliyities and have fitted up my
room so as to make 1t al attractive place
i'm which to sp~nd INV evenings. l intend
TO read great deal, give up society virtG-
alIy and only call OF the Blairs anu few
others. In fact l have the blues ever so
bad and sort OF disgust for everybody ex-
cept Birdie B, and she only fascinates
me while | am in her company; then IN
deed her power over me is complete. But
is this true love? / think not. Have /
ever experienced love? No, 1 have never
had any lasting affection Tor any girl:
Scores OF 'em have sent an electric Hood
through my veins, but when separated from
them, this would soon cease to atilict me.
Even my affection for Nellie, to whom /
am engaged, rises and falls in intensity,
aud some times there is a bonahde DISCUS.
with myself for haying entered into such a
Compact Sometimes think do love her
truly, and then try to be good. am sure
were Hattie e.. other than she Is, and were
she nv Lawful! welded wife, / could love
he. devO,tdly and truly. But as it is.
there is feeling that is very
something like disgust whenever
have seen her. While with hec / love
her would that had good and loving
wife and one Ii at loved truly, then Id he
a good man. Strange that the devoted love
of my mother and sisters have no force
with me- / think / am devoid Of many OF
the good traits of humanity. l have no
faith, ! have no lear of doing wrong, be-
cause it is wrong, only because Of the con-
sequences, and they do not bother me
much, because am SO lacking in foresight.
What will become of me, oh,
God. what will become of me?
God give me grace TO lie better, and save
me, aud esps cially my mother, from the
conse qlences of NV lat. folly"
I've next entry is somewhat OF give
away, for ii shows that there is great
dread OF being found out in some dishOn-
est transaction:
Friday. July 20, '1S.-Mr. - T.
Of Stdalia, has been at the office all morn
ing, and has talked so pleasantly, as II ne
believed was all seem to be, that 1t has
made me feel half happy, and we're it not
Tor being found out would be wholly so.
AS it is, this dread seems To hang over me
like Damocles' sword, ready TO fail at any
minute and send not only me and my
hopes, but those OF my friends, TO perdi,ion.
1t is q wonder that can bear it so well,
and that No one seems to suspect 1t am
a good actor, and can realiz- what Shakes
peare SAYS to be true. "That all the worlds
a Stage. the men and women merely actors
| am not we'll to-day-have the blues
Wonder why Nellie doesn't write; havn',
heard from her for ten days.
This afternoon Kittie B and Alice
T came to the depot and invited me to
a little company at their house, but my
head ached SO had to give up going, and
also had to break an engagement with
Hattie"
He attends dance in the next record
and goes to his home in Parsons.
Saturday, July N.-Went with Hughe.
to dance at Josie Rs. Danced with
Ida and Nellie B; talked to Birdi.
B., and squeezed her dear little hand
in the dance till 10 p. m, then went to set
Hattie, and then left for home on the 1l:4s
train, reaching Parsons at 2 o'clock Sun
day. Was not we'll all day and had ta
take medicine of DR.. Altman
He gets sick and LAYS on mothers bed.
SUNDAY July 2sth.-In Parsons. Was sick
at my stomach all day and lay on mother:
bed till dinner time, then went out to cal
on Mr.. and Mrs. Stevens and their FRIEND
Miss (hamberlan, of Buffalo. After, Bessie
and made short call on Lucy Talbot
and Miss Ennis, OF Emporia, then left fo
Scott on the $50 train"
On Monday this many sided young mar
went to Nevada ito dance" and had ,
"gay:time," returning Tuesday, and had i
not been for his TROUBLES and fear of de
| lection would have been perfectly happy.
| vi "Wednesday anu Ahuiouoy tho ensiA
are short and unimportant. The next one
as follows:
"Friday, Angus. AT Blair's again thi
eve. with Eldon Lowe playing billiards til
III o'clock, took lunch at Newburn's ant
then slept balance OF night with H"
October 25th, 1878, he writes thusly:
about the 18th OF this month got so sic'
to death OF the fear and apprehension
was living that determined togo to Sc
dalia, see Mr.. T. and confess all my short
comings. At $50, Oct. 9Th, boarded tn
train with feelings that can be better i'm
agined than expressed | went to MI
t and wonderful to say, he compromise
with me and offered me a position in hi
office to take it Immediately
Mr.. Sexton was telegraphe'
for and all the arrangements were mad'
arrived in Sedalia again from Scott, DC
18th. Rosa came up to my room and n
,,~t,l - did moth in