Connecticut western news., 1883-07-11

| lyons into carts to tote 'em to the land- ing I've got six cripples for life to take car of on account of that crop"
 "And the second year?'
 "Well, I run the patch myself the second year. thought I'd see what old Crittenden county could do when she had fair show, and the result was pretty nigh what you call a calamity. I picked out thousand mellyons for ship ment to Cairo, and it took six niggers and span of mules to git each one down to the landing. I'had 'em all set up ill A TOW, ready for steamer, when along cum lot of refugee niggers iron, the bottom lands and squatted on me-"
 | "How ?'
 "Why, every head of family pre- empted one O them big mellyons for a cabin, and went to keeping house inside of it as grand as you please"
 "You don't tell me?"
 "And to show the ingratitude of the race let me tell you that they took the seeds and dumped 'em into the river right thar and started a sand-bar which | obleeges the boat to land three miles further down the river. I reckon thar might be money in mellyons if you could git 'em up North, but you can't stand around with a shotgun and tell nigger who has been overhowed out, that he can't come the cabin dodge on you. You see, it's kinder human natur' to feel sorry for 'em. ."-M. QUAD. HE JUMPED AT THE CONCLUSION.
 'I can't understand why my milk has such strong cucumber taste, remarked a milkman ill a grocery store to the crowd who sat around on barrels and boxes.
 "I guess can explain it, "piped outa little freckle-faced man who was perched on 8 cheese box. "Let's hear it" exclaimed several. "Well. slowly replied the small man, ''you know there is such thing as cu- cumber wood"
 70, yes, of course" said the milk man, apparently proud of his knowl- edge. "Aud it is possible;" continued the cheese-box orator with shade of sar- casm, ''that your pump is made of that kind of wood, and" But the milkman suddenly skipped out, and the conversation drifted into politics. York Dairy.
 THE SEVENTH IN ITS PEEKsKnh CAMP. II
 One of the gUards who was on duty at night was approached by short and stout man in uniform, who walked with his hand placed upon the base of his | stomach.
 "Who goes there ?" called the sentinel, presenting his musket.
 ''I am der band, said the stout man, in mournful tone.
 "Well, have you got the countersign ?" the guard inquired.
 "No," said the stout man sadly, "but I haf got der collie. BIease let me pass till go by der hospital tent. ."-Ne,o York Times.
 THE ooAoHMAN's NAME. A family living in the country hired new coachman, and his name was Will liam. As both the gentleman of the house and his eldest son were named William, it was thought advisable, to avoid confusion, to call the coachman by his last name. | William had no objection to the plan, and was asked to state his surname. "Deary," said he with diabolical grin.
 The family shuddered. Think of it. How would this sort of thing sound:
 ''Deary, come here minute. Out me some flowers for bouquet, Deary. How long have been waiting for you, Dearyr'
 The family resolved to stand by Will liam.
 ECLIPsED AN IOWA GALE.
 Out by the scenes of the cyclone yes- terday afternoon was hard-headed son of Iowa. Engaging in conversation with 8 Times reporter, the Iowa man re- marked that this was not much of cy- clone. He knew of one up in Iowa which blew an iron bridge mile. Many per sons were killed. "One man, said the Iowa monopolist of real cyclones, twas blown don't know how far off, When he got up half a mile people were look ing at him through spyglass."
 Just then a champion from Connecti- cut turned up to take hand in the cy- clone controversy. "We had two cy- clones," he said "and one of them was very wonderful. It actually blew away a cellar which had just been dug, and blew all the key holes out of a house and left the house standing. The next day the owner had to pry open the doors with crowbar. You see all the key holes had been opposite, but were now missing; there was terrible draft, and"
 "Where did this happen ?" sternly de- handed the Iowa man, taking out memorandum book.
 Winsted," responded the Connecti- cut man meekly.-Kansds City Times.
 A BAD LoT.-Two young men of ex- cellent address, with their wives of