Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1883-08-25
Park Hotel at Z: 80 p. m. and drive me
out. But he missed it considerable
did not arrive till 10. He excused him

Park Hotel at 7:3O p. m. and drive me
out. But he missed it considerably-
did not arrive till 10: He excused him
self by saying: 81 4yf5a b.ug-T el
s''De time is mos, an hour Ell hal
slower, iii de country en- what it is in
de town. You'll be in plenty time
boss. Sometimes we shoves out early
for church Sunday ell fetches up dab
right plum in de middle Ell de sermon.
Difference in time. a body can't make
no calculations bout it."
81 had lost two hours and half, but
| had learned a fact worth four.
| lt-' HENRY CLAY DEAN.
"His clothes differed in no respect
from a wharf rats except that they
We're raggeder, more ill sorted and in
harmonious (and therefore more ex-
travagantly picturesque) and several
layers dirtier. Nobody could infer the
master mind in the top of that edifice
! from the editice itself. He was an
orator-by nature in the first place and
later by the training of experience and
practice: When he was out on can
vass his. name was a loadstone which
drew the farmers to his stump for fifty
miles around. He used no notes, for a
volcano does not need notes.
TO CHICK NEWSPAPER wlH.
Mark Twain shows the first indica-
ton he has ever shown OF envy when
he proposes that q constitutional amend
ment shall be adopted to check the old
jokes Of the newspapers in the Upper
Mississippi Valley. 49, 1s= = -.
"Under authority of such an amend
ment, congress could then pass all act
inflicting imprisonment for life for the
first offense, and some sort of lingering
death for the subsequent ones; and this
no doubt would presently give us a
rest. At the same time. the amendment
and the resulting act and penalties
might easily be made to cover various
special abuses, such as the Annual
veteran-who-has-v -for-every-pres
ident from Washington down, :. and
Walked-to- the polls- Yesterday with
as-Bright-an- Eye and as Firm a-Step-
as-Ever, and ten or eleven other weary
yearly marvels of that sort, and of the
Oldest-Free mason, and Oldest Printer,
and Oldest Baptist Preacher, and old
est Alumnus sort, and Three Children
Born-at-aBirth sort, and SO on, and SO
on. And: then England would take it
up and pass alaw prohibiting the furth
er use of Sidney Smiths jokes, and
appointing commission to construct
some new ones. Then life would be q
sweet dream of rest and peace, and the
nations would cease to long for hea-
ven."
THE LEADER OF CIVILIZATION.
"How solemn and beautiful is the
thought that the earliest pioneer of
civilization, the van-leader of civiliza- :.
ton, is never the steamboat, never the
railroad, never the newspaper, never
the Sabbath-school, never the mission
ary-but always whisky! Such ls the
case. Look history over; you will see.
The missionary comes after the whisky
II mean he arrives after the whisky
has arrived; next comes the poor i'm
migrant, with axe, hoe and rule, next,
the trader ;next, the miscellaneous rush
next, the gambler, the desperate, the
highwayman and all their kindred in
Sin of both sexes.
"Westward the jug of Empire takes its
way"
j. r. Osgood & Co., Boston; Chas.
L. Webster, agent, Broadway and Bond
street, New York, PIP. 624. By SUBJ
scription only -