The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1883-02-08

| UolOIo GIt0 congregation. n long, ldnk
lazy-looking Individual, who would per
haps. measure over six feet in height, anC
who was-to all appearances-veryd drunk
came shuffling into the room, staggered
up the aisle, and offered his hand to th
minister. When the meeting opened fo
speaking" this long. timber individual
arose, and informe, tAe people that h,
"was jis' goin' paSht, an heerd meetin-
somethin' sheemed to shpur me thisf
way. Was drawn right in yer!" He wa:
kindly treated, and went his way, and The
next day was drunken and lazier-if posi-
ble-than ever. This fellow needs some
thing to "spur" him-he ought to be spur
red with a horse-whip until he is willing
to go to work, and support his family.
FRIDAY-Harry Beatty, little son Of
! Richard Beatty is quite sick. "A little
child of Judge Miller is very sick.
Percy Rhodes is quite sick with some
kind of fever. "A. Gibson, Of Wellston
was in town this morning, and called at
the Standard office. We noticed at the
M. E. Church on last evening, Mrs. Mary
Davis, is 70 years Of age, and has been a
member of the Church for 40 years. >. A
| good joke is told upon young man in
the west part of town who recently placed
a telephone instrument in his residence
| Having an instrument in his Office, he
requested his wife to play upon the piano
at their home-that he might hear it at
the Office. After waiting a while the
lady asked if he had heard the music, and
was told that no music had been heard,
although she had played several pieces.
She was then asked where the ear
trumpet of the instrument had been,
! when she replied that it had been hang
ing in theh hook! Thus the good lady had
been solemnly playing to closed circuit.
This was good deal like the hunter,
who, after vainly endeavoring to get his
gun to "go off" after picking powder into
the tube, re-capping, etc., suddenly dis
covered that he had forgotten to load 1T.
! -. The "parade" of the Uncle Toms
Cabin Company, this afternoon, seemed to
ness. The procession consisted of two
colored snare-drummers, one colored bass
drummer, a diminutive donkey, three
large mastiff dogs, and about a score of
boys. The music consisted solely of drum
solos.
SATURDAY.-Seventy- telephone in
struments in town now. James Farley,
of Scioto county, who has been visiting
friends here, returned home this morn
ing. DR.. L. G. Long, of Longs Cross
Roads, received into full membership in
his family, this morning, young gentle
men weighing about ten pounds. The
Doctor pronounces this the best case he
ever had. :. Asa A. Farrar has retired
from the business management of the
Franklin Mills, and Mr.. John Davis is
now running the business department. ....
Eli Aten, the Undertaken, tells a good
story of one of Jackson's physicians, the
events having occurred some time ago,
but the parties having been requested to
keep the matter to themselves. This
physician has been in the habit of banter
ing the Undertakers with the remark
"Oh, you don't get to bury any of ny
patientsy' A little child was sick, and on
a certain day the physician deferred his
visit until evening Meantime the child
died, and Aten took the little coffin in his
arms and struck out for the family resi-
dence 1t CHANGED that he and the ply
sician started at about the same time
going along different streets, and arrived
at the mourning home at about the same
moment. When the physician came to
enter the door, to see how his "safe" case
was getting along, he found Aten taking
in the coffin in which to bury the patient.
Truly, this was one instance in which the
undertakers got one of the physicians
patients. The physician "owned up" be-
lug beaten, and promised to "set up the
cigars, but as Eli has quit smoking, and
Marshman perhaps never did smoke, they
are under no obligation to keep silent
This physician called to see how his pre-
scription was operating, and found the
patient dead. They had scene over al
Star Store, a few days ago which was moi
directly connected with the blowing Of
the furnace, but which was lively enough
for any use while it lasted. AS told tt
us, it was something like this: Joh1
White, the storekeeper, has a cat; Bos
ton Ikers has dog; Ikers' dog came into
the store and made lunge at Johns cat
John, not wishing to see his cat killed
entirely-suddenly cut off, as it were, il
, it's prime-and believing that whil
:, there's life. there's soap, seized one o
those long, heavy barssof soap to be fount
on the counters of stores generally, ant
let fly at the dog. The aim was all to-
: deadly, and his curship turned up hi
toes ;" Boston came in and concluded tha
: he could skin any man who would xii
his sausage in that kind of style. Johl
: is not one of your tinid men, and loollin!
around, and finding that the soap had no
given out, he stood his ground. Friend
, came in and interferred before Bostol
= had chance of chewing John into soa
= grease, or John had a chance Of SeiZing
. bar of soap and knocking him into sat
= sage. All is now quiet on Sugar Run.
f SUNDAY.-Raining 1t seems that til
O ground in this region is about ready
d dissolve, being so soft thatthe pavement
e will scarcely bear persons weight,
J. many parts of town. &c. w. Rice hi
Il been "laid up" sick, to-day. The Rea'