The Arizona champion., 1883-12-22
FUN FROM OUR EXCHANGES.

Size ain't everything. A watch tick ing can be heard further than a bed ticking,
 When woman smiles from ear to ear it's real mean to say her mouth goes back on'her.
 The boy who bit into green apple remarked, with wiry face, ""Twas ever thus in hildhood-sour."
 Englishmen when travelling through the boundless West are struck with the enormoSs amount of land to the acre.
 Somebody has been bright enough to say, "Langtry and Gebhardt-the Lily of the Valley and the Valet of the Lily"
 Small boy-"Pa did you know ma long before you married herY" Pa--"l didn't. l didn't know her till long after l married her."
 Connecticut man claims to have a eat that eats cucumbers. This is some thing that ought to be encouraged in the eat family as much as possible.
 Mother (to fve-year-old, who has sat very still for five minutes)-''What are you thinking of, GeOrge?" George --"Oh. bout old times, dess."
 "The difference" said Twistem "be- tween good-natured lover and q bleak, open plain, appears to be this: Ones a mild wooer and the others a wild moor.
 Lord Coleridge said that John Bright built himself up on Milton. If Mir. Bright were an American and an Arkan- saw man, he would have built himself up on Bacon.
 Professor of chemistry; "The sub stance you see in this vial is the most deadly of all poisons. A single drop placed on the tongue of eat is enough to kill the strongest man."
 Ive got this thing down fine now Mildred, said Amy to the High School girl. "'Don't say got it down fine, Amy, there's a dear; say reduced to extreme tenuity.' '"
 An exchange gives lot of advice. "llow to catch husbard." <" The sim plest way to catch him would be to leave him alone with the good-looking maid servant and then come upon him un- awafeS.
 ooh, you can laugh!" exclaimed Henderson, "but perhaps I'm not so great a fool as l seem to be-" "As for that, Fendy," replied Fogg, eve all know you are not. It would be simply impossible"
 "What is that-is it an acrobat ?' ''Oh, no, my son, that is man who is kicking himself.' ' "What makes the man kick himseli?" 'DlIe las been to masquerade party and hired with his wife all the evening
 First boy :-"Where yer bin, Billy" Second boy; "Bin lishin" First boy :: "Ketch anythin' 9" with an anxious ex- precision on his lace. Far-seeing sec ond boy; "No, but expect ter when | git in the house."
 It is estimated that oyer 300 ,000 tons of paper are made in this country every year, and yet the man who slaves him self has to hunt around for over fifteen minutes before he can find piece that he dare wipe his lather upon.
 Jones asked his wife, "Why is hus- band like dough-" He expected she would give it up and he was going to tell her that it was because woman needs him; but she said it was because he was hard to get off her hands.
 "l love your daughter better than love my liie,' said he to her obstinate father. "Wcll," replied the heartless man, Ego commit suicide and let her get rid of you. That won't be much ol a proof, but will be satisfactory to me-
 Lady. "Little boy you should know better than that, to drag the child along in that cruel way; You are likely to kill it, Boy (who evidently considers the family already too large): "Never mind, there's mother at 'omc, mem."
 ''l Do Not Love Him in the Old Fond Way,' sings Miss Ella Wheeler, our ia- vorite Western poctess, from which it is surmised that Miss Ella has never leaned on front gate till the poor thing groaned and hcavcd like horse with the collie.