The Portland daily press., 1883-04-19
How to Be English.


Hints to Young American Anglomaniacs.
lSan Francisco Argonaut,l
An American who wishes to pass for an
Englishman, before other people than his
own countrymen, must carefully observe the
following rules: He must call his father the
"guy'nors" he should never be sick, but
"ill;'' he should call coal Goals a pitcher
a Jug" sack coat ''jacket;' pantaloons
TROUSERS" never pants; "a vest waist
coat, pronounced wescut; an undershirt q
jersey snspenders, braces and all
shoes sboots." He must speak of an expert
driver as good "whip,' and good rider
as good seat He must never fail to
make the distinction between riding aud
driving, and remember that no one in Eng
land ever rides except on horseback. There
fore to speak Of riding is quite sufficient; to
add ION horseback is superhuous to an
Englishman. He must never by any posi-
bic chance forget to call Thames ssTems,"
Derby Darby Berkeley "Barkley," Berthe
ssBartie," waltz s'valse,' Holburn sHo-
burn" Mary-le-bone s.Marrabun,' Pall-Mall
| s'Pell-Mell," Hartford Hartford st Leger
'Sallinger," st. John, when used as a per-
sons name, "Sinjen, and Woolwich Wool
ich." He must put stress on the ches in
Manchester or Winchester; he must know
all the grades of nobility, from a duke down
to baron, and never commit the egregioas
| error OF calling baronet or knight either
| nobleman or lord. When be takes
| bath he must have tub he must keep to
| the left when he drives, even though he in
fringes the law of the road in his own coun-
| try, and must rise in his stirrups when, in
| riding, he trots. He must be familiar with
all technicalities and proficient in the lingo
| of hunting, shooting, rowing, cricket. and
iawn-tennis, as it is done in England. If a
thing is amusing or provocative of mirth he
must say it is rather fun and if he finds
| man agreeable his limit of praise must new
| er exceed "a decent sort of chap or mot
half bad fellow" He must call pound
''quid,' and a shilling ''bob.' But he
cannot be too cautious as to slang, and
| should be sure it is not 1caddish" before he
uses 1t. The sayings of all of Sullivan and
| Gilbert's operas are safe enough, but there
are many which come ont in questionable
comic songs, at the second rate theaters and
music halls, that no gentleman is ever heard
| to make use of. Fetching is a word that
| should never be given utterance TO in the
hearing of ladies'. A railroad should always
| be railway in England, and the Anglo
maniac must not forget to call it so. He
| must also speak of the cars as the "train.'
baggage car as luggage van,r a freight
| train as goods train,' and must never al
lude to station as depot. He must call
the track the slime" and the rails the .met-
ais" and speak of switching SIS "shunting,"
OF switch-tender as a ''pointsman,' the
| conductor as the guard, = the ticket-office
| as the booking office, and of d horse-car
as .'tram." He must never get mad, but
always sangry," nor should he forget that
the name of the poet Cowper is pronounced
Cooper that Magdalene college Oxford,
is called 'sMawdlin,' Caius college. Cam
bridge, ssKeys," and that the proper pronun-
| citation of CLAIMS is "Glaymes.'
| When he goes 10 the opera or theatre the
| orchestra seats must be designated as the
'sstalls," the dress-circle as the boxes
| and the parquette as the s'pit." For guess he
must use fancy and Imagine and stu
diously shrink from such expressions as
ssquite while,v "real nice,n .sside whis-
kers,n sis that SOP" and sswhy certainly
| He must be sure to leave out 'swine'' when
| he speaks of port or sherry, and should he
| wish for ice cream, he must ask for an .1ce.n
| If he is in good health, he must be "6t,r il
| i'll, "seedy," if over tired, knocked up"
| If a person has good taste, and Is well-bred,
| or thing is done in accordance with the
rules of good breeding or good taste, both
/ dEc SOOQ lJIu, Tile IttSIec Ddu lOIIi-
| Should he find himself in difficulty, he must
be s'up tree" and everything troublesome
| and disagreeable is sshard lines" He must
| call lunch luncheon and the parlor the
ssdrawing-room, and must drop no h ex-
/ cept when ii comes after ~, in such wofds
| as which," 'swheD,'' 'swhere," 'what,"
whether" "white,' and "whiskey." He
should also carefully avoid sounding his fl
nal RS. Should he come to England, he
Ixaox ffao 1fr1 ~
| the American Exchange when in London,
and never be seen east of Regent street. He
must never By any possible chance, when
| speaking, sound as in OF, as he will at once
| be put down as n well dressed cabman,
| counter-iumper, or bus conductor of the
| truest cockney strain. His drink must be
brandy and soda, which he must call ssB.
| and s., and his tobacco, "Cavendish,v or
"bird' s-eye." WhiskeY he must call ssspir-
it's" and should he indulge in it, he must
never fail to fill up his tumbler 10 the top
] with water.
| As for his dress, well, an English tailor
| there are loads Of them in America-will
help him out Of that difficulty. If he gets
his clothes made by Pool, as / hear many
young Americans do, he will have no
trouble, that is. If Pool really makes them,
which is not always the case with his for
| eign customers, have been told. One or
Two bulugS, however, ne buOulu crystalline
| in his brain; never to wear other than high
| silk hat with fTock coat, or loW-erowned
| hat with a jacket (sack). To reverse this
| rule will ruin him at once. Let him not i'm
| agine that the possession OF "crutch"
| stick will aid him In his endeavors to expa-
| triate himself. The article in question was
| all. the rage In London some years ago, but
| it has long gone out OF fashlorl--so long, In
fact, that the carrying of one by London
swell would be almost equivalent TO appear
ing in peg-top trousers and turnover shirt
collar. Lastly, he must never wear either
| square-toed boots or a fob-chain. In short,
| let him note the dress Of the English gentle
men who visit America every year, and pay
| no heed to the gigantic stripes and mann
moth checks displayed by wandering actors
and commercial travellers, One always will
| be in simple good taste; the other, vulgar
| and loud. One will represent st. James and
Pail Mall; the other, Cbeapside and the
Strand.
Just word as to his servants liveries.
1t will be necessary to bear in mind that
men servants in an English house are either
| what is termed din livery or tout of liv-
cry" Of indoor servants, the butler is out
| of livery; that is to say, he always dresses in
| plain clothes, and is never seen In dress
coat till dinner time. But footmen must
| wear livery. OF out-of-door servants, only
| coachmen and grooms are in livery; garden
| ers never. AS for the liveries themselves, it
| is a tickish matter to deal with in a repub-
| lie, should fancy. They are at best but a
| badge of servitude, and any attempt at them
/ consider quite beneath the true dignity of
| an American citizen. Still, If the Anglo
maniac must have them, and is unfortunate
In the non-possessioD of family arms to
guide him as to colors, should say, let him
make them as simple as possible; the more
Il al. opd lpeo l1u him vi