The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
Useful Ghosts.


A Tennessee ghost comes to house
in Hamilton County and rocks the
baby to sleep every night. Now, then,
by all the dwellers in 1.-THE neither
gloom if there is a restless ghost of
any old ancestor of ours would like to
find steady employment at good wages
in quiet family and good neighbor-
hood, we can give the perturl ed spirit
all it wants to do in the silent line of
general housework, with Sunday after
noon for itself, and one night out every
week when it could go around and raise
ghostly racket with the neighbors,
and haunt all the lonely houses in the
neighborhood. What a gem of
house-servant ghost would be. Never
"sass' back; always invisible. The
pie would come on, the table as though
it were sailing through the air; the car
pet sweeper would per orm its noise
less functions without the bowling ac-
compartment of "Gnah-na-gnah-na-
hawaii that wur the ace whayre
the VIII sky is plenthy-whack! fol dhe
rol lolr' And at night it could haunt
all the Objectionable neighbors until
they fed the neighborhood and prop
erty would depreciate seventy-tive per
cent. when we could buy it in and
whack up with the ghost. No light
and no fire required for the ghost
room. No private Waterman wanted
on the block; no dog on the premises.
When burglar climbed in at the win
dow and felt the cold, clammy fingers
of the ghost wiggling down the back of
bic no0lr.Ef bonr bo drove
bowie knife clean through the ghost
bosom i've times and the specter smiled
sadly at him and showed him where his
throat had been cut clear off n:ne years
before how the robber would drop his
kit and wing his restless fight to realms
beyond the farther limits of the city
corporate. And when the door bell
rang. the ghost could just stick its
head clear through the key hole and
see who was there before the door was
opened. And there would be no sweet
hearts loafing about the kitchen Sun
day nights, alb no. Truly, a ghost
would lie great boon to the home, and
if any of our readers know OF a ghost
out Of a job, send him at once to this
office. = Burlington HGo0keye.
--s-s -e--
Dan Spaulding, of Smithfield r. L,
is an eccentric individual, particularly
noted Tor the boundless charity which
he is always ready to manifest toward
stray cats and orphan boys that may
inc dentally come under his notice.
There has not been time during many
years, SO his neighbors say, in which
he has not had from one to three small
friendless boys in his family, who are
fed, clothed and educated unit they run
away or are able to make their own way
in the world while as to cats, it is said
his stock has never been below three or
four, and often as high as dozen
Providence 'ourn0L
The last invented fre-escape, tried
Mt the Gramercy Park Hotel in New
York City, is the work OF woman, and
is q spacious canvas tunnel, which is at
tached to the window at one end, the
other reaching the ground. Into this
the person escaping jumps, and energies
at the bottom in sa ety, although con-
siderably fustered and disarranged by
such putty-blower arrangement.
| Christian Union.
Tho Philadelphia Press lays down
a rule for the use of the postal card 1t
says the card should never be used ex-
cept to convey information that may be
shouted across the street.
Lost wealth may be replaced by ia
dustry; lost knowledge by study; lost
health by temperance or medicine; but
lost time is gone forever. Samuel
Smiles.
The Rochester (N. W Express
calls for new coin, value six cents, for
tic convenience of newspapermen sued
for libel
Cleveland new census gives it
1914, 500 people who worship at 1879
churches. learn at Is public and AZ pri-
vate schools. - Cleveland Leader,