Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-06-02
THE BAD BOY.
Attends II Funeral with the Minister who
Initiates Him into the Secret of Driving
Fast Horses on the Road.

face. where was the explosion, or
have you been in fight? Or has
your pa been giving you what you
deserve, with a club? Here let me
help you. There, sit down on that
keg of applcjack Well, by the great
guns, you look as though you had
called somebody liar. WHAT'S the
matter? and the grocery man took
the crutches and stood them up
against the show case.
80, there's not much the matter
with me-" said the boy, in a voice
that sounded all broke up, as he took
big apple off a basket, and began
peeling it with his upper front teeth.
'If you think 1 am wreck you
ought to see the minister They had
to carry him home in instalments,
the way they buy sewing machines.
1 am all right, bat they have got to
stop him up with oakum and tar be-
fore he will ever hold water again"
sGood gracious, you have not had
a fight with the minister, have you?
Well. I have said all the time, and L
stick to it, that you would commit a
crime yet, and go to State Prison.
What was the fuss about?" and the
grocery man laid the hatchet out of
the boys reach for fear he would get
excited and kill him.
80, it want no fuss. 1t was in the
way of business. You see the livery
man that 1 was working for promoted
me. He let me drive horse to haul
sawdust for bedding, first, and when
he found Twas real careful he let me
drive an express wagon to haul
trunks. Day before yesterday, |
think it was -(yes, I was in bed all
day yesterday day before yester-
day there was funeral, and our
stable furnished the outfit. 1t was
only a common eleven dollar funeral,
SO they let me drive the horse Tor
the minister-you know, the buggy
that goes ahead of the hearse. They
gave me an old horse that is thirty
years old, that has not been off a
walk since nine years ago, and they
told me to give him a loose rein, and
he would go along all right. It's the
same old horse that used to pace so
fast on the avenue, years ago, but l
didn't know it. Well, | want to
blame I just let him walk along as
though he was hauling sawdust, and
gave him a loose rein. So far as l
was concerned this funeral was
going to be conducted in decorous
manner, if we didn't get back till the
next day. Well, the minister said,
in his regular Sunday school way,
My little man, let me take hold OF
the lines and like darn fool gave
them to him. He slapped the old
horse on the crupper with the lines,
and then jerked up, and the old horse
stuck up his off ear, and then the
hearse driver told the minister to
pull hard and saw on the bit a little,
and the old horse would wake up.
The hearse driver used to drive the
old PAGER on the track, and he knew
what he wanted. The minister took
off his black kid gloves and put his
umbrella down between us, and
pulled his hat down tight on his
head, and began to pull and saw on
the bit. The old cripple began to
move along sort of sideways, like a
hog going to war, and the minister
pulled some more, and the hearse
driver, who was right behind. he
said, so you could hear him clear to
Waukesha, 'Ye cup and the old
horse kept going faster, then the
minister thought the procession was
getting to quick, and he pulled
harder, and yelled who a. and that
made the old horse worse, and /
looked through the little window in
the buggy top, behind, and the
driver was laughing, and the min
lister he got pale and said, my little
man / guess you better drive, and /
/ fsaid Not much Mary Ann, you
wouldn't let me run this funeral the
way I wanted to, and now you can
boss it, if you will let me get out,
but there was a street car ahead and
all of q sudden there was an earth
quake, and when I came to there
we're about six hundred people pour
ing water down my neck. and the
hearse was hitched to the fence, and
the hearse driver was asking If my
leg was broke, and policeman was
tanning the minister with plug hat
that looked as though it had been
struck by a pile-driver, and some
people were hauling our buggy into
the gutter, and some men were try
ing to take the old PAGER out OF the
windows OF the street car, and then
1 guess 1 tainted away agin. O, it
was worse than telescoping train
loaded with cattle"
"Well, swan said the grocery
man, as he put some eggs in funnel
shaped brown paper for a servant
girl. "What did the minister say
when he came tos"
"Say! What could he sayi He
just yelled whoa and kept saving
with his hands, as though he was
driving. / heard that the policeman
was going to pull him for fast driv-
ing, till he found it was an accident.
They told me when they carried me
home in a hack, that it was a wonder
everybody was not killed, and when
7 0of home ma was going to sass me,