The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1883-01-10
WIT AND HUMoR.

One Of the cOnspiratOrs among the
Sioux who are threatening trouble Is
q chief called Woman's Dress, This
WOman's Dress could be cut, gored, and
6asted- He's putting on too many
'frills." II
The cost to the English government
or setting down full armed British
soldier In Alexandria is about 1900 And
when they get there, there's no good
looking nursery maids for them to dirt
with, so he isn't happy or particularly
useful. =
At Trouville-Mme. de C to her
husband, who comes home at O'Clock
in the morning: AT what time did you
get In this mOrning% about midnight
dearest, about midnight-a few minutes
after perhaps" ''Yes, 240minutes after
Il counted" -
An agent who had sold Dutchman
some goods was to deliver them at his
residence. The German gave him the
following directions: You shOOst goes
behint de church; den you turns up for
vile till you come to yOn house NIT a
big hog in der yard. Dots me-"
Some one describes patent spring
bed for married men," Unless 1t springs
down stairs when married man comes
home at midnight, nOiselessly opens the
front door, and returns with the man
without awaking his wife, 1t will not
fill long felt want.
The mistress has gently reprimanded
her maid for OYersleeping herself in the
morning. You see, ma'am," exclaimed
the servant, II sleep very slowly, and so
you see, ma'am, it takes me much long.
er to get my full sleep than it does 9TH
ers, you see, ma'am."
When he appeared before his wife
with his nose all bunged up and his arm
In sling, did she ask him with whom
he had been fightingP o, no; but she
merely said: The next time you think
you wOuldilike to reYel In hammock,
just put feather bed beneath It,"
A woman at a crowded French thea
tire fell from the gallery to the pit, and
was picked mp by one of the spectators,
who, hearing her groaning, asked her ii
she was much injured. Much injured"
exclaimed the woman. 81 should think
am. have lost the best seat in the
very middle Of the. front row.
A mountain mule standing near a
magazine Of giant powder when 1t ex-
plOded was hurled end over end seventy
1--we feet to the bottom Of the dump-pile
on which he stood. When the smoke
cleared away he stood quietly picking
the bunch grass, not in the least dis
turbed. He had lifted people like that
himself, and knew how it was done.
A Aget-up-and-gO-out-in-the-country- to
wOrk-and-give-y young -chance-
tO-earn-8-liVing society Is mentioned as
the most aesthetic association that the
young men Of this city could organize.
There are not enough good husbands to
supply the increasing feminine army,
and something must be done for the
ladies'. .a
what man your father isI' ex-
claimed Mrs. HOmespun, looking up
from the letter she held in her hand.
''He says he has bought French clock,
and shall bring it home with him.
What will 1t be good for except as an
Ornamentp None of US can tell the
time by 1t, unless you can, Edith. You
know something about French, don't
yOuP"
Said the Texas man to his northern
guest: There isn't much fun going on
this week. Now IL you'd come week
ago, / could have taken you to three
lynchings and dance, but Just now
there isn't much sport on hand. How
ever, If you like, we'll go down to the
saloon and start a fight. I've DO doubt
the aOys would go IN to make 1t pleas
ant for stranger: Texans are hOspit-
able men.
An insurance agent applied to a wO-
man in Austin to induce her to get her
husbands life insured. "Will be sure
to get the money IL he dies right OFF,"
Certainly, madame" But will you
give me any assurance that he will die
right Offp "No, madame, we cannot
do that" "Well, then, what good will
it be to me to get his life insured, IL he
don't diep knew there was some catch
about this insurance business.