Omaha daily bee., 1883-06-21
A kNOTTY SUBJECT.
The Blue Grass Statesman At Home

- ~ lh'ihbN1 NAlN my nv VI Ailb
Kentucky delegation who reads poetry
for the sole love of it.
He is in great demand at dinners on
account of his quiet stories, which hetells
with great success. In everyday life he
dresses in the careless fashion Of his vii
lage, but when he goes out in Washing.
ton society he wisely adopts the full
dress that etiquette demands,
In the evening he is generally to be
found in his rooms, seated oppotite his
wife, surrounded by a crowd of Kentucky
friends. They never tire sitting around
a pitcher of good whisky, talking about
the horses, the blue grass, and the fair
woine of the finest state in the union,
sir.
1t was in Knots room that a fine old
Kentucky gentleman acclaimed against
the stale SANDERS of the north as to the
way ringers were treated in Kentucky.
He had lived in the state for fifty years
and he had never seen a ~''nigger" killed
in all that time, except-for cause or
when a man was in liquor.
Knott, while very hospitable himself,
is remarkably temperate. His f%avorite
stimulant is a cigar.
CHARACTERISTIC
Here are two of Knots stories ]
do not remember ever having seen
printed:
Irish justice in Louisville who has Just
ruled adversely to the argument of learned
counsel.
Learned Counsel-But the supreme
court has already decided the point dead
against your ruling.
1,@,,o H.. ;AD -. 49,. Al. LII
The supreme court report is handed up
d~eferentially.
The justice reads the decision care
fully. Then he says: 'Well, all oi hev
to soy is, oil I'm sorry for the shuprame
court"
The same justice, before whom a case
is pending. An assault is the subject for
discussion. Two men have been fighting.
There is only one witness, and it is very
doubtful who began the fight. The JUS
tice hesitates, and finally solves his
doubts by filming the witness $40.
"But, my God, sir! / was not in the
fight. / am the witness"
Justice-So you witnessed the foight,
did yer} Well, l foine you tin dollars
for not stopping the same. Call the mkt
case.
A DOMAIN N II DULUTH SPEECH.
Mr.. Knott firmly believes the influence
of his political career in congress has
been impaired by his Duluth speech. In
that he made a national reputation as {
humorist. In the house, in it's broat
desert of dullness, a slight sprinkle o
wit is regarded as a shower. Mr.. Knot
having established himself as IA humorist
r.,;.tn,aJ IN Won, ,n h;-b 30 ,n,,n, ,,,l,
another funny remark in the house. T,
this vow he had rigidly adhered. Blu
whenever he got up after the Dulutl
speech the poor members, worn out will
their own dullness, would gather abou
him, with their mouths fairly working
with their desire to break out into
laugh. Then Knott had only to say
"Mr. Speaker" when the amusement
seekers would begin taking front seats
Knott has never had any desire to pla,
the b%utfoon, and SO for a long time h
never opened his mouth in the house ex
cept when he was obliged to. After
time it came to be recognized that Knot
made only serious speeches. Then the
disappointed members revenged them
selves by saying Knott never made tn
Duluth speech. 1t was said to be the wor
of a wild western editor named Pa
Donon. All this was malicious, an,
never had any real belie vers.
KENTUCKY MAJOR AT A WEDDING.
In the genial company of the story
tellers of Kentucky who haunt Nh
Knots rooms, ! have heard many dra
matte r~ecitals. Possibly nothing NOR
dramatic than the midnight adventure O
Kentucky major at a wedding, where h
was as a young man, full of blood an
HI, sir"
In his day a Kentucky wedding wa
the occasion of the most lavish hospital
ty. The house of the particular weddin,
was described by the major as paced wit
guests. They all were jolly and happy
The evening was one round of gayety. A
midnight when he came to go to bed tn
head of the major was racked and heav
from numerous rotations. He Just r.
membered he was to sleep in a room
the end of the hall, on the third stor
His bed-fellow was to be the groom'sbe
man. When he reached the end of IL
hall he could not remember whether
was the right or left bedroom. He hes
tated a moment, and then Glanced on IL
left.
Evidently he had made no mistak
The room was unoccupied, He undress,
rapidly, tossing his clothes i'll every c
rection. In a moment he was in be
the light out, and IA second later SOU
asleep.
Suddenly he was walked by a fist in
back, and then a feminine voice sal
"Wake up, Nelly, ] want to talk before
go to sleep"
Then the major did wake, and trembl
with horror. He remembered now TIL
the two bellies of the county, the han
soonest women in Kentucky, had t
room opposite him. He had gotten in
the wrong room and bed. The last com
had come up, had undressed in the dar
and had stolen in by the side of what s
thought was her companion,
The major fairly shivered with frigl
At any moment the real companion mig
come, and then he knew what would /
low. The girls had several incl,
cousins, and brothers in the house. TIL
all shot very well. A scene would mel
ly result in his being riddled first a
allowed to explain afterward.
After one second, an eternity Uf thong
the major resolved on a bold course.
jumped from the bed as if he were in I
company Of a snake. Then he said il
low tone of voice: miss, for Gods 81
don't scream. There is "A horrible II