davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
Couldn't Renr n

A farmer came into a grocery store
the other day and exhibited TO the
eyes Of an admiring crowd an enor'
nous egg, about six inches long,
which he avowed 10 have been laid by
one Of his own hens. He had it pack.
ed in cotton, and wouldn't allow any
body to handle il for fear Of breaking
the phenomenon. The grocery man
examined il with the rest, and intend
ing TO chat the countryman, said,
"Pshawl I've got something in the
egg line that will beat that"
"I'll bet you 81 you haven't" said
the countryman, getting excited.
take it up" replied the grocery
man, and going behind the counter,
he brought out wire egg heater.
There's something in the egg line
that will beat it, guess, said he,
reaching out for the stakes.
"Hold on there" said the farmer,
diets see you beat it," and he handed
it to the grocer. The latter held Out
his hand for it, but dropped it in sur
prise on the counter, where it broke
two soup plates and platter. 1t was
of solid iron, painted white.
"Some folks think they are darna'
ton cute" muttered the farmer as he
pocketed the stakes and lit out, "but
faint no use buckin' against the solid
facts. ~ Chat.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

One day the private soldier will
shine respondent, blazing planet
against the nebulous background of
half forgotten field and line officers.
II has been ever the fate Of the pri
vate soldier. Napoleon is dead and
all his marshals are dead. But the
private soldier who fought under
"The Little Corporal at Wsterloo il
he not found in every State The
"Iron Duke" is dead, but does not the
last surviving soldier of "The Guards
die in some place nearly every MONTH
Washington is dead, but his body
servant, is not his name Legion, OF
Legion county? And so some day
the last general who fought in the wal
of rebellion will pass away, the fnal
colonel, much against his will must
die. Majors and captains will join
the innumeral caravan; but the last
surviving private soldier Of every
regiment that fought anywhere will
never leave us, but will live embalm
ed in the perennial paragraph: "Til
the suns shall rise and set no more. -
Robert j. Burdette.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
Definitions.

Bath.-The leveler-a tub in which
king. burgher and peasant look and
act alike.
Bummer.-A philosopher; the lat.
ter-day name for a modern Diogenes,
derived from the Greek word Tramp.
Soldier. machine working auto
matically; powerful for autocrats;
powerless for democrats.
Thieving.-A too visible appropri.
alton of another persons goods; called
speculation when artistically done.
Honor. invisible quality that
men swear by, not act by; a colloq'
uial phrase.
Army.-A conglomeration of atoms,
that one atom may raise itself above
the others.
Happiness. -An abstract term,
meaning absence of misery.
Blue Blood. life stream tinged
blue with the dregs of centuries.
Politician.-A human fac-simile Of
the Kelley motor; a thing of promise
and of little worth. -[The Judge.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
Twe1fy. four 0'(iock.

The Cleveland, Akron n Columbus
Railroad Co. have recently issued a
new time card, based on the twenty.
four hour system-that Of numbering
the hours Of the day from to TWEEN.
ty four, instead of making two divis.
ions Of twelve hours, each designated
or distinguished as Ante Meridian
and Post Meridian--A. NJ. and P. NJ.
The day begins at midnight, as under
the common system, but there is nc
possibility of confusion between fore.
noon and afternoon hours. The great
advantage of this scheme in a railroad
time table will be seen at once: z A..
NJ. is frequently misprinted or mis-
understood, while no one will con.
found Z o'clock with IL O'Clock. Any
watch or clock can he adapted to the
system by simply putting the exten
sion of the hours in a circle just in
side of those already on the face. The
exterior numbers will then be con
suited up to IL o'clock (noon), and
the interior ones for the remainder Of
the day.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
Loffas FIRST Lore

II has been known 10 most Of the
friends Of little Miss Lolita during the
past two or three years that her spir
its have been steadily declining. She
has played with usual vivacity upon
the stage, but she has been sorrowful,
almost morose, Of il, for a long time.
A prominent manager said yesterday:
"About ten years ago Lolita fell head
over ears in love with young Phila.
delphian oiexcellent family. He Low.
ed her with equal passion. His pa
rents, however, disdained the little &C.
tress, partly on account Of her profess
ion, partly on account Of the disrepu.
table old man, Crabtree, who called
himself her father. But they were
devoted 10 each other. The wedding
day was appointed. She repOsed in
him the fullest confidence, but one
night he disappeared with $4,000 Of
her money. Search was made and il
was found that he had lost it all in a
gambling den. II was a cruel blow to
poor Lolita. His parents reimbursed
the little girl, but it wasn't the money
she wanted. Nobody could give her
back her faith in mankind. BY and.
by the Philadelphia died suddenly,
I've heard. He called for farewell
kiss Of Lolita on his death bed; -he new
err knew it. Whenevershe goes to Phil.
adelphia she dcvotes one day to visit.
ing his grave, heavily yelled. covering
the grave with flowers and sobbing to
herself until the sky darkens and she
goes back TO the theatre. That's the
story ofLotta's unhappiness and you'll
agree it's sad, not TO say romantic"
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
4 Place Where me Mood. arc pH Of Chi.
olce0

4 Place Where me Mood, arc hH Of Chi.
A traveller on horseback, attracted
by large number Of children hud-
died around the door Of an Arkansas
cabin, stopped and asked of a woman
who suddenly appeared:
"Is this school-house2"
ibid you take il for sichH"
eyes, considering the number Of
children"
"Well, ! reckin you've right to
your opinion"
"But is il a school 2"
ono, il aiut."
care those children yours2"
81 reckin they they air. Peers to
mo that way. anyhow"
GLOW do you make living for
all Of them2"
III don't. turns EN- out an lets
EN- scratch"
"what do they get to eat :"
"Bugs an sich."
"Come my good woman you are
trying 10 joke me. / am a stranger
in this country and | really asked for
information. / have often heard of
squatters. DO you belong to that
family !"
81 reckin do, for | squat some.
times an comb my har when the chill.
dren air asleep"
where's your husband ?"
"In town"
"ln business there ?" m
"Yes. | reckin."
"How long has il been since you
saw him Z"
"About year."
about year."
"Why doesn't he come to see your
"Well, you see them deputy mar
tins came along one day an seed him
bilin' some corn in kittle, an lowed
he was maxim whisky, so they tuck
him along. Look out thar
The stranger lodged, but not quite
soon enough. A boy fell from a tree
under which the stranger had stopped
and struck him ON the shoulder.
al didn't know he was there, " said
the traveller, regarding with astonish-
ment the youngster, who arose to his
feet and began TO throw dust at the
horse.
III don't reckin you did," the wo
man replied, "but femme tell you,
the woods is full of 'em, an they're
liable to drap on you at any mint,
an as il amt safe to stay in the tim
Der, you'd better take the big road
an mOsey. Good day. You Ike,pui
that lizard down. Eph, that ar tar
ripin'll bite you if you put your fin
ger in his mouth. Drop that scorpi.
on, John, an blow Tommys nose.
Nick, don't chaw that vine, fur it'll
pizen yer. - Arkansas Traveller.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

A Chicago glove merchant employs
girls for clerks. They average well
in good looks, but have remarkably
big hands. al won't employ them,
said he. "If they can wear less than
No. s gloves. mean that their
hands shall always be larger than
those of the customers, who are fiat
tered by the contrast, and thereby
put into good humor for making
purchases.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
Eo,Iy Risioo and late Retyino.

Ii is mistake to both rise early
and sit up late, The rising early is
good habit of life. If it does not
mean robbing nature of her Opportu-
nifty 10 recruit the exhausted strength
of brain and body. by prolonging
sleep when the necessary luxury is at
length enjoyed. There would appear
10 be some need of remonstrance on
this score.
The fashion Of the day favors early
rising and the manly stub" but those
who rise early have, for the most
part, sat up prodigiously, late, and the
tub is chiefly appreciated because il
rouses the system and makes it feel
and feelings are very deceptive
strong and vigorous. This is burning
the candle ut both ends.
If we must sit up half the night il
would be better to sleep half the day,
than to rise betimes and 60 in for ar
duous labor after insufficient rest.
Early rising is not good, but harmful
without early resting Lancet.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
A Boys Composition on Mems.

Hens is curious animals. They
don't have no nose, no teeth, nor no
ears. They swallow their vittles
whole, and chew il up in their crops
inside of EN- The outside OF hens is
genrerly put into pliers and inter
feather busters. The inside of a hen
is generally filled up with marbles
and shirt buttons and such. A hen is
very much smaller than a good many
other animals. but they will dig up
more tomato plants than anything
that amt a hen. Hens is very usiul
to lay eggs for plum pudding. Skinny
Bates eat so much plum pudding once
that il set him into the cOllery. Hens
have got wings and can fly when they
are scarf cut my Uncle Williams
hens nee of with a Ratchet, and il
scarf her to death. Hens sometimes
makes very fine spring chickens.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

A mucilage composed as follows
will unite wood, porcelain, or glass {;
Eight and half ounces of gum ara
bic in strong solution, twenty grains
of solution of alumina dissolved in
two.thirds of an ounce Of water.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
No Discount There.


A few weeks since railroad coils
ion on one of the roads leading out Of
New York, killed, among others, q
passenger living in an interior town,
His remains we're sent home in good
shape, and a few days after the funer
al the attorney of the road called upon
the widow to effect settlement. She
placed her figure at $4,000.
"Ohl that sum is unreasonable,
replied the attorney. "Your husband
was nearly fifty years old"
eyes, SIR"
"And lame"
"Yes."
"And his general health was poor.
"Quite poor"
"And he probably would not have
lived over FIVE years"
probably not sir"
Then it seems to me that two oil
three thousand dollars would be fail
compensation"
1.-TWO or three thousand dollars!"
she echoed. "Why, sir, l courted
that man for ten years, run aftel
him for ten more, and had to chase
him down with shot gun to get him
before a preacherl Do you suppose
that I'm going to settle for the bsr'
cost of shoe leather and ammunition
-GWall Street News.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

An iron-tOothed rake will kill more
weeds in garden in an hour than q
hoe can kill in three hours If both are
used when the weeds are just showing
their green leaves above the surface,
and more than the hoe could kill in
all day ten days later. Such a rake
will run over corn, peas, potatoes, on
ions, carrots and beets until they are
two or three inches high, without in
jury, excepting to the weeds.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

Inquirer; What objection is there
to going fishing on Sunday WHAT
Why, the objection that you're likely
TO find all the good places occupied.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

South Bernera, the famous light
hodse of the Hebrides, is visited only
twice year by the supply ship and
once a year by the priest, on account
of the difficulty OF landing even life
boat on the coast. The entire popu'
lation Of the island does not exceed
twenty persons. They live mostly on
the eggs of wild fowl, flesh and milk.
Storms rage for more than half the
year. the region being noted for tor
nadoes and cyclones. The lighthouse
stands on the summit Of crag zoo
feet above the sea.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

He was Buffalo man. The school
teacher had been talking about finance
to her scholars and young John came
home TO ask:
Father, is there such thing as a
call loanH"
eyes, of course. ;"
"Well, what is itY"
"Why, old Swipes, the doctor,
comes busting in some afternoon
note to meet--needs just fifty more
hand it back next day-and I'm fool
enough to lend it. That's the loan
part of it.
Eyes"
81 wait two weeks, need the money
and call at his office. He isn't in. |
l call again, he is out. l call forty
or fifty times, always miss him; call to
him on the street and he doesn't hear;
call him an Internal dead-beat and
that ends it. There's the call and
there's the loan and here's the idiot.
That's alll"-T Wall Street News.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

One of our best citizens would say TO the
public that he has tried Halls CAiArrhCu
aud il is all that is claimed for il. Price
zoe per bottle, at Penny 4 MeAlisier's.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

BY the United States standard, 2.
100 cubic inches make bushel; L.
72S cubic inches make a cubic foot.
Therefore, to measure grain in bin,
multiply the number Of feet in the
width of the bin by the length and
the result by the depth, and then di.
vide the number by FIVE and multi
ply the quotient by four, which mum
Der will give the quantity in bushels.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

TnE WINE STATE.-California is
fast coming to the front as the great
wine producing country of America.
During the year 1881 the vintage was
estimated at 10000 gallons, and
for 1882 it was supposed to have been
between 10000, 900 and 1000, 900
gallons. Considerably more than two.
thirds is used at home, while the rest
is exported, chiefly to the Eastern
cities. The effect of the CalifOrnia
vintage is certainly felt in France, as
within the last two or three years the
falling oil in the exports OF cham
payne wines to the United States has
been marked. 1t is predicted that
within ten years large part of the
wine drunk in America will be pro
duced in California.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

While the democrats are consider
ing the propriety of "a tariff for rev.
enue only" the republicans have CIV
en- us tariff without revenue. The
Treasury begins to look like the col.
lection box OF a colored church, or the
Sunday-school after the circus has
left town.-[St. Louis POst-Dispatch.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

A new kind of a lie from an ungod'
ly Missouri paper; "There is in
Schuyler, county, Mo-, a young man,
who without apparent cause, living
plainly on a farm, has in eighteen
years passed through the physical
changes of four score. AT the age OF
six he had all the developments of
strength and muscle of lad of fifteen.
At twelve his beard was grown and
gray hairs appeared. Now, at eigh'
teen, he is as decrepit as an old man
of eighty and seems lettering on the
verge OF the grave"
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

In a short time army laundresses
will be a thing of the past. Five years
ago Congress began the abolition Of
this class of camp followers, but per-
mitted the retention of those whose
husbands were soldiers until the ex.
piration of the term of enlistments OF
the latter. The time thus specified
expired on the 18th of this month; and
on that date issues of rations TO laun.
dresses ceased and women will not be
allowed to follow the troops in that
capacity.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

wv "'N' ~ =" ~" -
gineer, who is here in connection with
the establishment Of a pneumatic
pipe line between New York and
Chicago. The plans, as partly devel-
ell, are to lay four'inch iron pipe
for the purpose OF transmitting letters,
messages, grain samples, Jewelry and
other light parcels at maximum tar
ID Of ten cents for packages and i've
cents for letters, etc. Way stations
will be established Mt Cleveland, Buf'
falo, and possibly one other point.
The pipe will be the ordinary tubular
kind in common use, and the entire
line will be made perfectly alright,
with brass stations at the points nam
ell. The boxes for the conveyance OF
messages will be made from sole
leather, with wool air resisters. as
used in short pneumatic tubes. I'm
gines Of twenty-five horsepower, to
drive the air.pumps, will be placed at
the termini, and smaller ones at the
way stations. Seventeen patents for
various devices have been secured by
the originators Of the scheme and no
doubt some of them will be made
available in working the line.
The plan of operating, so far as re-
vealed at present, will be about rs
follows Commencing at 6 o'clock A..
NJ, Washington time, the boxes con-
tanning through packages will be fed
into the tube at Chicago and blown
toward New York, while the Chicago
pump Is filling the tube and the New
York pump /" exhausllng the ar Inc
last box started at chicago at o;SO'
viii nave patent S'gnai Attachment
which, al Cleveland automatically
announces Its arrival. The local
boxes are those inserted there ana
later on al Buffalo. Inc last oox
viii arrive al New iork AT ~ O'CLOCK
the Trip being made IN about iour
hours linen the line rs cleared ior
westoound 'ralhc Tor the following
Tour hours' and 50 on alternately
Gay ana nlgnt IL Is expected 'ha'
curing eacn per'od Oh iour hours a
thousand boxes can De transmitted
eacn earning ABOUT - IN ire'g"'S' or
s '"' w" s, ,o1 600 n'
~, ". ;.
" o 90
- -, IL 49,, -.
- &C." I're
'eoOa '" 1870 ,op 800, Nv" ~
VP "" wv ' ' W.
" o nv
eA'"'us' %" 40 'o ooo o ."e e"O'Tr' u
s''s"'. " "
eA.' ,DI o"' - PAP
Du' e''" A'"s =" .e,y w s
q" ~ ~ w ~ o
" -" Oe'as 'o ~ ~
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
PnEsi PnEsi PnEsl

DR.. DeDifng's AesV Discovery for
Piles Is radical change from the old remedies
heretofore In use. The Discovery is the result Of
years Of pa tieat scientific study and investigation
into the character Of this painful disease. To con-
vince you Of is great merit. call on Penny A Me-
Arster, stanford, or W, NJ. Weber, Nj. Vernon,
and get a sample box free Of charge.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

Calarrh ia the seed Of consumption, and
unless taken ia time is a very dangerous
disease. Halls Catarrh Cure never fails
to cure. Price zoe Sold by Penny a Nc
Alister.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

Alexander Plumuler, Of Bloomheld, Ind, says
he regards Browns Expectorant the best cough
remedy he has ever used For sale by Penny A
MeAlister, stanford, and W. M.weber, MtYernOn-
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

Miss Ellen Mace, Of Broeton, ILL.,, says her physi'
clans gave her up as hopeless eonsnmptise, bat
four bottles Of BTown's ExPeeiofant cured her. For
sale BY Penny a MoAlisier, stanford, aud W. A.
Weber, Nj. Vernon.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26
N cured fbe RbeUmafiz

People have all sorts Of motives for
becoming religious. but if the follow
ing lines are true, religion will be in
greater demand than ever. The mir
acle happened to colored sister, to be
sure, but there is no reason why the
African should not be peculiarly favor
ed. There is one warning to be OBJ
served, however-viz., that il some
men should become religious all of a
sudden, the shock would be so great
that they might not be able to endure
it. The song runs:-
oh, sister Mary, wen she rig
(she is supposed to have been on
her knees in the midst of a revivaD
Shuck her fist at de rheumatic,
An flew away ober de turnip patch
On her way TO lift de heabenly latch.
Oh, git on your knees, pore sinner man,
An make a move to jine de BAN
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

The possibilities of spelling are H.
Illustrated by professor in San Fran
cisco. who declares that "Ghoughph.
theightteau" is a correct spelling of
"potato." He proves il thus: Oh
stands for p as you find from the last
two letters in hiccough. Ough stands
for as in dough. Phth stands for I
as in phthisis. Eigh stands for a as
neighbor. TIE stands for tas in ga
zette, and eau stands for o as in beau.
-[Tales Dat of School.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-06-26

KISSING BY TELEPHoNE.-An 10.
wa paper describes kissing by tele.
phone" the experiment being carried
on between the towns of Lyons and
Clinton, os follows:
He Gin LyOns):-"Is that you dear
estl"
She Gin Clinton .-"Yes. love"
He.-"Put the mouth-piece to
your lips"
Shelves; whst?"
He (kisses) THAT"
She.-"Oh, myl Wasn't that light
ningS"
He.-"Did you get it, dearestH'
She.-"Yes, love-cool and distant
but so sweet. Call again"
Daily globe., 1883-10-30
FRANCE.

PARIS. Oct. 29.-Discussion of M.
Granet's Interpolation on the Tonquln
oues sion was begun in the chamber OF
deputies to-day. NJ. Gatineau decided to
postpone, until after the Tonqu1n debate,
his motion to expel the Orleans princes
| from France.
PARIS, Ost. 29.-At the international
labor conference sn address was adopted
expressing the sympathy OF the conference
with the interests of working men of all
countries and recording its protest against
wars.
Henry Broadhurst, member of the Brit
ish parliament, was elected honorary
president OF the conference. Addressing
the meeting, he said he hoped the dele
gates vhuld adopt practical resolutions
He pointed out the Importance of work
men of all nations being in constant com
munication with each other. He sait
trades unions in England were max
ing slow but sure progress, and tha
yorkmen on the continent might rely or
English support. At the evening session
100 delegates were present. Severa
French speakers urged the work
men not to abandon the field o
politics. which, they maintained, afforde'
the only means for struggling agains
capital. It was suggested that15was pos
sible to establish international legislatl "
especially for the protection OF children
One extremist advised the emploJmt
of force. The foreign delegates dissentec
They doubted if universal legislation wa
feasible, GIVING TO international competi
ton. They preferred The lawful progress
} of revelation by successive reforms enab
ling workmen to enter parliament, an
thus assist in making the laws. The pro
ceedipgs throughout were orderly and di'
passionate.
PARIS, Oct. ga majority of the news
papers here maintain that the Marqu
!, rseng's published dispatches contain
new facts of Importance, and that the ye
4 low book recently issued covered the e
sential points.