The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1883-07-04
LOCAL MATTERS.
His Honor and LlIah.

tail, and turning him loose Oh Main
street and creating CONSERVATION
amongthe denizens living thereon,
when1Lija came in eating a har.
vest apple, and said it was terri.
bic time on the wheat harvest.
"Yes,1 His Honor said, II would
have finished cutting my crop last
week if the terrible rains hadn't
come up and prevented us. | am
discouraged with the outlook, and
think this will be my last year at
raising cereals. Twill put my farm
down in grass, and 60 to Chicago
this fall, buy stock and put 1t on
there"
Elijah, il you have any ragged
Roubons in the cooler, bring them
nut and let's proceed to business,
and divert our minds from the ter
rible weather and gloomy prospects
ahead"
The Grst was a dilapidated speci.
men from Gallipolis. His Honor
remarked to Lijah that fellows from
Gallipolis being BROUGHT before him
was becoming monotonous, and that
he would make a terrible example
Of some, if they did not quit com.
ing up here and laying in their
cargos Of whisky. They have room
enough and the inclination to get
drunk down there, and Why they
didn't do it was past his compre-
hcnsion.
"Lijah, is this man charged with
drunkennessY"
"Ycs, your Honor-ot least l pre-
sumo he is. | was passing along
last night in front Of the court
house, when a loud noise attracted
my attention. l listened and
thought it was a mountain saw
mill up in the courtroom. list
encd more attentiyely, and the
sounds growing louder, | went up
stairs to investigate and found the
prisoner asleep on the second top
landing Of the stairs, and that it
was his snoring that made the
noise. l took him to the cooler
and let him sleep Of the fumes Of
drunkenness"
"Medrunk? Impossiblel Twas
up stairs in the court house listen.
ing to the temperance lecture Of
Col. Cooper, and his oloquenCe in
depicting the woes Of drunkenness
lulled mo to sleep. When awoke
| found every one gone, and the
doors standing wide open. IstarL.
ed for my hotel, and when l got to
the second landing Of the steps my
knees gave away, and | sat down
to rest, and must have fallen asleep.
| plead not guilty, and demand
I'm attorney. l will show you how
to arrest an innocent man, put
him in prison, and 0rruign him
here before q multitude Of people"
"Prisoner, you shall have cOun.
sci, but it will do no good, as | can
now detect dissipation on your
Countenance."
"Lijah, go and see if you can find
u lawyer. The prisonershall have
counsel" Lijah shortly returned
and said all the lawyers were en-.
gagged in u game Of pin pool aud
could not come.
"Woll," said the prisoner, ~ will
withdraw the plea Of not guilty,
und plead guilty to sleeping in
your darned old court house."
The solemn voice of His Honor
could be heard a square when he
said, "Sl7 and ten days" The
prisoner went away muttering NAL.
edictions upon the head of His
Honor, and threatening Iijah with
dire punishment should he come to
GalIipolis.
The next was "song digger
from the forks Of Ten Mile creek,
lie was found sleeping in the shad.
ow Of the bridge pier on the West
Virginia shore. lie was blear.oycd
and looked as if he had been on u
spree for a week.
"Your Honor, I am suffering with
u cutaneous disease, and aunt Nan.
cy'up on the creek recommended
the use of pokeborry root and wills,
ky. We have poke root in abund
anCe up in our country but nc
whisky, so | scrapod together a lit
tie change and started for town Il
getit."
at appears you got it," said Hi.
Honor.
"Yes, and drank too much of il
before got the poke root to put
with it,"
tut, tut such a remedy is o
so ooon,,,I =. , H. IL.