Connecticut western news., 1883-10-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

A LADY of this city recently filed her lamp with gasoline, and since then she has not benzine.
 No WONDER some poor creditors are so thin and pale. They don't have any thing to live on but due.
 THE late MT. Yale, of New Haven, left fortune of $S, 900, 900. Like Samson, his strength was in his locks.
 SOME men are as covetous as if they were to live forever; and others as pro- fuse as if they were to die the next mo- ment.
 LOVE laughs at locksmiths did you sayp Perhaps so, but sometimes wonder If love can laugh at all the locks That parting lovers cut and sunder. | TEXAS is great State for ants. Sulli- van ought to go there. Doesn't the Scripture say: 'Go to the ant, thou | slug
 WHEN Frank James is released, he is to go on the stage. Prudent travellers on that stage will slip their valuables under the cushions. | IT is very often more necessary to con- ceal contempt than resentment, the for mer being never forgiven, but the latter sometimes forgot.
 IT has been said that it costs nothing | to say good word of another, but when one must lie to do it the word seems rather expensive.
 AN exchange tells of man who thinks himself born musician, because his father had baritone voice and his mother @ falsetto teeth.
 THERE are two things in the world which tramp will not sit down on. One is barbed wire fence and the other is a good healthy hornets nest.
 IT is certain either that wise bearing or ignorant carriage is caught as men take diseases one of another; therefore let them take heed of their company
 WHERE necessity ends, desire and curiosity begin; no sooner are we sup piled with everything nature can de- mand, than we sit down to contrive arti- fcial appetites.
 A COUNTY prisoner says he has always been taught to do in Rome as Romans do, and he finds fault because now that he is in jail he is not allowed to do as the joilors do.
 To MAKE others wit appear more D than ones own, is good rule in conver-
 sation; necessary one, to let others
 take notice of your wit, and never do 1t
 yourself.
 THE Whitehall Zsnaes furnises this
 recipe for the consequential idiots we all
 know: "When you think the world can
 not get along without you, pull hair
 from your head and see if it makes you
 bald-headed."
 THE millionaire of the future will be
 ostracised from society unless he owns
 his steam yacht. Says city journal:
 The millionaire of the future may be at
 present. driving his team yacht along
 the tow path of canal.
 ''GENTLENEN, remarked a long
 winded chairman after an address of something less than an hour, gentle
 men we want unison in the party,
 cohesion, as it were; we want-we want
 harmony" "So do we," shouted dis gusted listener, interrupting the speaker; u ssgive us harmony. Let the band play , and you sit down. "-Bosiose Courier.
 JACK had gone off and got himself a lost, and he also found himself and s walked home. "Are you not sorry that
 you ran away and got lost?" asked the
 paternal ancestor with tone of grief T and reproval. "I wasn't lost" "But nobody knew where you was" "I d knew where I was myself" That sset- t tied it. A boy who knows where he is himself can never get lost. t Nor long since little hree-and-a-hah '" year old was out in the garden, when she " stepped on beetle and killed it. The }. gardener, in 8 sympathetic tone, said to if her: "Perhaps that was a mother beetle ). gathering food for her children at home, o and they may suffer with hunger" when le Ida replied, with apparent honesty, 'I 'e guess, Uncle Frank, it was not the
 mother beetle killed, but was only the e. hired girl"
 A BANGOR man addressing the gentle v, man at the hotel desk, said: "Harry. I o generally get stuck on my investments, l. but this time I'm in luck. I bought u some stock last winter when it was 'e thirty and to-day it touched seventy " five." "What did you buy that has
 taken such quick rise ?" asked Harry ', "A thermometer, replied the joker as Ill he dodged out of the door just in time $ to escape an inkstand that went whiz- zing through the air. !, Forty Years Ago.