National Republican., 1883-08-04

CHICAGO man dropped dead in a saloon
aiter drinking glass of soda water This shows
that the fumes Of Chicago whisky will kill a man,
even If he doesn't drink 1.-THE Dairy.
The recent Irregularities of the telegraph
service has Kept more than one man from going
IN among the sharks and getting ruined by fu-
lures but there is no gratitude in this world.
The man who signs an application for par
don deserves to be robbed have his house burned,
and be Knocked down when the criminal hood
lum he helps release Is restored to citizenship
ASK o friend for So through telephone
and he will say, "I cannot understand. Come
here at O'clock" At O'Clock the man who
could not understand will be somewhere else.
CUCUMBER and root beer festivals are all
the rage among the colored people of the south,
and colored people who want to be in the fashion
are having terrible time Of it-0A Cty Blizzard
John KELLY is said to be worth $2,000,-
0G0." man who has 10000 votes to SELL and a
chance to sell them over again every year, ought
to accumulate little something. Buffalo Express.
THE oldest piano in North Carolina is at
Raleigh 1t was made In 1880 by Muzo, Clement
& Co., Cheapside, London, and is about ripe for
being placed in q summer resort hotol parlor.--
Boston Post
SOME workmen while putting up sign at
Newport store dropped two of the big letters,
pONn IL s. on tne pavement, uOzen NeWpOlters
Immediately exclaimed, How delightfully."- Eng
lish. Philadelphia Netgs
FRENCH women are employed in the har-
vest fields of New Hampshire as reapers. They
are required to do the same work as men, get the
same wages. SO a day, and their work is fully as
satisfactory, If not more so.
Detroit Free Press: "Woman is naturally
timid, shrinking creature, but it is the bathing
suit that reveals her shrlnkage the most. The
bathing suit will make an apparently plump
woman shrink until she is lean and scrawny"
THERE are excellent educational institu-
tons in some parts of Spain, but all the Spanish
| students known In this country are banded to-
| gether to play maudolins in beer gardens. In
the winter they so with Humpty Dumpty" COM
panies.
AN exchange says that the newspaper ed
itors strike" but the assertion Is not borne
out by the facts. An editor once struck so hard
that a wild eyed man, with long hair and long
| poem, went down stairs seven steps at time and
| landed on his spinal column at the bottom.-Nor
TtstotOn Herald.
'IT is said that Miss Maggie Mitchell re-
| freshes herself between the acts, when playing
| by a sponge bath with rum" A great many young
men in uie audience refresh themselves between
the acts In pretty much the same manner-with
the difference that the bath is applied internally.
-NorTiStoDn Herald.
THE other day fend in human shape
went into the hat room at the Palace during din
net hour and folded strips of newspaper inside
the bends of every hat on the rack. Every guest
insisted that somebody had stolen his hat, and
| the exerct- wound up with forty-two scrapping
inatohes.-San francisco Post,
No ONE has yet been able definitely to
| prove when fans were fist invented. There can
/ In n mn
years ago, for representations of these familiar
tlcles have been discovered on the tombs at
| Thebes Fans, therefore, are he Oldest articles
In use by ladies. except their tongues,
DURING her stay in Colorado Miss Kate
Field will write letters for the Boston Herald and
Chicago Times, deliver a number of lectures,
| write play, and compile book on Colorado and
its people, If she has any spare time after this she
will give a few of her monologue entertainments,
get married, and open dress reform cooperative
association for the mutual benefit of those who
| will wear better clothes than they can pay for,
Miss ADA WARD, an English actress of in
telligence and experience, now in New York, has
very little hopes of the stage in England See says
the facility offered to handsome aud incompetent
amatuers to obtain lucrative positions and COM
mand press recognition had worked an immense
amount of mischief among conscientious and
painstaklng players. The largest fortunes had
been made of late years by women who had
nothing to recommend them but their beauty.
and they put this into the market against expert
ence, skill, and good taste, and walked away with
the laurels. Mrs. Langtry will make more money
than Ellen Terry, ana Lydia Thompson made
more money than Ada Cavendish.
NEW ORLEANS Picayune: 1t is the last
stage Of consumption that carries people to their
graves. "A champion can always be identified
by the way he shoots his mouth off. Tin cans
are to start grocery stores with and TO tie to the
tails of unlicensed dogs. The next time man
attempts to shoot the rapids he will do 1t with a
This is the excursion season. but as yet no
societies are seen negotiating with Moonlight on
the Lake.. When politician has not strength
enough TO stand up and nominate himself he IA
considered out of the ring. .As matter of form
, a receiver is always appointed for a bank where
the cashier has LEFT nothing for anybody to receive.
Q 80. The drummers find that funny paper does
0 not wolk well as an organ because some of tn cir
number not up to funny business. White
mountain people Dragging on the frost they
have had up there, All of that sort of stuff needed
can be produced anywhere in an ice cream freezer.
McCULLoUGH, of the St. Louis Globe
:, Democrat, has been the subject of as much news
= paper comment In regard to his health as Mr.
Tilden. Here is what he said 10 a visitor in New
l York few days since: you are the first man
Il who has been here" he said, whose face was
not a yard long. The most amusing-no, 1t has
I ceased to be gmusing-the most wearsome thing
; / meet with nowadays N the mournful aspect OF
my friends who come here to see me- OF course
II shows that they have the best sort of regard fol
me, and all that, but respectfully submit that IL
is not pleasant to pass for hopeless invalid When
- one " nothing of the sort. l don't SEQ anything
so astonishing in the fact that I have been Ill
T Good heavensl Can't man be under the
u weather without feeling that everybody is looking
out for his funeral? What is there so very striking
i about my condition Of health2 am not confined
: to my room. have been on my feet all the time
s. and get round to my meals with a good deal O.
3 regularity. You would almost think l was the
Z, only man in the world who had ever known wha
it was to be out of sorts. There is nothing thC
matter with me now"
l, ROCHESTER, Posi- EXPRESS: II is after
- woman has emerged from a salt water bath tina
y figures don't ie....,A calls relationship TO III
u mother is a little more than kin aud less thai
kline Down in Tennessee they are turning the
i rascals in, They probably don't read the SUM-. q.
J. The American rife team might make good hi
], by coming home and shooting Niagara falls ..
d An incorporate citizen OF Rochester calls hi
% stomach "Hades," because 1t is the place of de-
d parted spirits, . Senator Tabor has presented
l. Denver with free drinking fountain, and ma
20 jority of the citizens In favor OF giving hin
u twenty.four hours In which TO leave town..
"a In Paris it is said that it costs 800 TO kick
j. policeman. The statement is also made tina
9 policemen in that city go about with their coat
. tails pinned to their shoulders "A gentleman