The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1883-08-16
,EHE HUMOROUS 'yPAPERs.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER,
A DUDE.

The Rev. Penstock secured the floor
OF the Lime-Kiln Club to announce that
several members had referred to him as
dude-a saddle-colorcd dude. He had
at first intended to resign, but after due
had concluded to bring the
matter before. the meeting and ask if ono
OF the oldest members of the Iime.Kiln
Club could be insulted in this manner.
Was he dude? Was there the least
foundation for such q hingat his charac-
ter? For the last three months he bnd
been wearing n vest and pair of panta-
looms made of an army blanket. Would
dude do that? He was barefooted in
his boots for the want of socks. He
wore paper collars, and two Of them
lasted whole week. He had n stiff knee
was op-shCuldered, and he could ro
more strike an attitude. than an Egyp-
tan mummy could yell "hello |" through
the telephone.
'Wlll you name the pusson who
called you a dude? ?" asked the Presi-
dent
lid rather not, sab. Idoan' want
to expose any pertickler member"
"Gem'len," said Brother Gardner as
he looked around him, ode mex time
dat any member of dis club calls Brud-
der PcnStOcll II dude sunthin' will be
heard to drap. What next, Secretary ?"
'-DctOH Free Press.
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
Pleasures decrease as ia come near us,
DE fish IS heap bigger fore yer gifts it
Outcn de water.
DE injurious in dis worl' is alters dc
fanciest. De brandy-bottIe is fixed ND
finer den de bread-tray.
De man what's got de best church
record amt necessarily de bcs' man.
De clcarcst water amt alters dc freest
from malaria.
A wcl!-frd niggor is de happiest man
in de worP. 1t dOan make no Offence
bout clothes, but gin him some hog, an
den take care. O
Honesty is go5tin' scarcer ebery year
case dar is more people terpcrvide. De
more we multiplios, dc furder from M
tur' we is, an dc furdcr we gifts from
nntur', de less honesty wc'sc got.--Ark.
2r0v.
SPELLING IT WITH BIG u.
''Do You spell dog with a capital D ?"
asked old Mr.. Touzlcton, looking ND
from his desk.
'If it's your dog, the big black and
white one that was loose last night, Yes"
replied the Junior bookkccpc-, who was
standing up, writing at desk six inches
too high for him, 'spcll it with the big
Srst ID in the alphabet"
And he went on with his work, while
'hc old man sat and looked at him over
his baIcfnl sprctaclcs for nearly ten min
utcs, wondering if he knew what the
young man meant, anl thinking he
woud ask his daughter Evelyn about it
when ho got home. -Burljngton IIo,yk-
[yE.
PAID IN HIS OWN COIN.
The president Of dcfunct sayinos
bank OF thiS city got into hack and
rode to the central depot yesterday. Up-
on nrriva! ut his destination the driver
said Clare please, ST."
AS the regular Charge is only so cents
the passenger Indignantly demanded of
the "Jchu," "what do you take me for ."
"Fitty cents on the dollar sir. | WIS
ntrald to say only 50 cents for the ride
for fear YOU would want to settle with me
for % cents, that being SO per cent. and
the rat" Ht which YOU settled with your
ether creditors.
The ha"kman got his 81 and the OK
tanker got 'm"thing he had not Thoughts
OF before. -- tHjcNyO WCCh.
not COMPLEMENTARY.
When Bass moved into an apartment
house, F"gg remarked to Mrs. b.:
"QHltc appropriate, Mrs. Bass; sweet
TO the Su!#. You know"
Eendcr%"n, who was present, thought
1t was Il pretty nice complimcnt; so when
lie saw Bass next day he thought he
would try it.
81 hear you have moved into a family
motel, ne began; "quite appropriate,
flat to the flats, you know"
And Henderson still wonders wbv
laSS should get mad over n remark that
had made Mrs. b. smile so sweetlv,-
Hos'0N Transcript.
A DELAWARE EDITOR.
The editor of this paper has of lato
frequently been solicited to lecture for
the benefit OF the hcathcn and for other
charitable purposes, bnt it seems to us
That the world is already enduring mis-
cry enough without having another lee
turer added as the final straw TO break
It's back i'll two or three places. We
should like to help the hcathcn, but do
not feel competent TO lccturc for his ben
Int. But II any of >,ur friends want to
START out to lecture for the hcathcn VIC
"lil go along and stand at the door to
rerclv" the money am divide the receipts.
-0IiaH1rt0t",' Ii0n&c,TDI.
IIE SOLD OUT.
JAY Gould permanently rctircs from
journalism. When he sold out his infer |
st III the D0iiY (NCck, he wrote the |