The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-06-21
ADVERTISING FOR a BURGLAR.

north of England a gentleman who was
known as Sir William Marston. He was
one of those men who are cool and cal
culating always looking before them.
He had made all his money at iron
working; but after getting his title he
thought fit to 'ssell OUT and retire.
He accordingly chose residence at
Durham, and resided there for three
years, when he determined to build
large mansion for himself, and he ac-
cordingly consulted with an architect,
and the drawings and specifications
were made out, tenders received, and
the work proceeded with.
Now, when the mansion was built,
Sir William found every one was admir-
ing it, and artists came and sketched it
before the glass was in the windows.
Every one declared it perfection-all but
Sir William himself.
A very unpleasant idea had come into
Sir Williams head. He intended to
keep good many valuables as well as
money on the premises. Thus the ques-
| ton arose, WAS it burglar proof?''
The architect assured him it was, the
| Inspector of police said so too; he
| thought so himself, but he would like to
be sure. The following advertisement
accordingly appeared in some of the
local papers few days after the house
was finished:
NOTICE TO BURGLARS AND OTHERS
Whereas, Sir William Marston having gone to
great expense in the building of his new man.
sion, "Fallow Ill.," is DESTROYS of ascertaining
whether it be burglar proof or not and with
that object has placed in his writing table
drawer the sum of 95Oo. And whosoever shall,
with the ordinary appliances of burglar, con-
trive to abstract the said $500, without being
caught in the act, shall be admitted to enjoy
the same, on condition that he write to the said
Sir William Marston and fully inform him how
| he did succeed in abstracting the same. And
| be it known no steps shall be taken to recover
| the money or bring the offender to justice.
But IL the said burglar be caught he shall be
bound to state how he entered the premises,
| and how he proposed abstractng the money,
| and then shall be permitted to depart.
A week passed, and Sir William was
getting in servants for his establishment,
| buying furniture, horses and carriages,
and all the other paraphernalia neces-
sary for the comfort of a mansion. Still
| there came no answer to his extraordi-
nary advertisement At last a thought
struck him. He put the advertisement in
again, adding that mo extraordinary
precautions would be taken to preserve
the house from being broken into"
The next day, Sir William was sitting
in the small room adjoining his office,
quietly reading book when the foot
man entered and stood waiting till his
master should speak.
| 'sWell?n at last he said. looking up.
"a man wants to speak to you, sir.
Says he believes you want a groom.
| He can groom, sir, harness a horse,
clean carriage, first rate at gardening.
rubbing up knives and forks, cleaning
windows-in fact, sir, can assure you,
| by his own account, he is very handy
man"
| what sort of a man is hep"
| Decent enough, sir; tall, determined
looking; a kind of man as would knock
dander out of you, sir, or could"
"That will do. Show him in
'He has a portmanteau, sir; shall ]
| take care of itp 1t might"
LESS of your lipr' Sir William was
becoming the iron-founder again. "Show
him in"
He was shown in, and began to rue
up his accomplishments, which to Sir
William seemed very suitable. He was
| the sort of man he wanted, and Sii
William began to think about clinchine
| the bargain.
While they were quibbling about
| terms, they were assailed by strong
| smell of burning, and a scream sudden
| ly startled them. Upon hearing loud
shouts of "Firer' Sir William and the
man instantly rushed to the door; but
the man suddenly fell headlong on the
| floor, Sir William darling off to the
| scene of the confederation.
Upon arriving in the hall he found
volumes of smoke coming from cup
board under the stairs, and Immediately
ordered in the little hand tire-engine
kept in the kitchen Ca thing no mansion
| should be without. He ran up to the
| cupboard door, and selling the hose in
| his left hand, he commenced to pump
| furiously with the right, and the little
lever handle was almost invisible, with
such speed did it go up and down. The
footman kicked away the portmanteau
that had been left in the hail, and burst
the cupboard door open, and then pro-
ceeded to drag to light a vast assort-
ment of rags and brown paper and
damp straw, all of which made a terri
BILE smoke, although no flames were Wis
ible. 1t was soon put out, and Sir
William returned to his room.
| The room was empty.
| He looked everywhere and found two
| things, viz: that the window was wide
open, and that his f500 were gone.
| He was mortified in the extreme
Had this man who wanted situation
taken his money? If so, was it plot
to do SO, or merely that he had availed
| himself of the opportunity and taken it?
He thought the latter.
| The man that was at the porter s
lodge said that he saw man come in
the morning of the fire with portman
| teau, and that soon after he saw him
| running towards the gate, saying he was
going for the tire-engiEe; so he let him
pass.
| The next morning Sir William re-
ceived letter by the post, which puz-
| Zled him not a little; it ran as follows:
Sir.-Having seen your advertisement in the
- inviting burglars to break in aud steal.
| thought that as it could hardly be called crime
| this house-breaking being, in fact an oucof-
| the-way proof of the safety of your house.
might with safety show that ''forcible entry is
4 not the only way of robbing house. And
| moreover, as you specified SO accurately
! where the money was, determined to pos
/ sess it.
| I accordingly took an old portmanteau and
| filed it with some very smoky and intiamma-
BILE, but not dangerous, material: and, dom
| ming some old clothes, proceeded to your
mansion
| As had often visited it while it was build
| ing, knew it well: and so, upon giving an
elaborate message TO the footman, stayed in
| the hall while he delivered it: but was not
| idle. knew of the cupboard under the stairs,
| and Immediately opening it, l emptied my
| portmantean and lighted a match and applied
| 1t to the damp straw and the bits of brown pa
per. and then / quietly closed the door and
pocketed the key, Knowing it would be some
| time before the smoke would come through.
then palayered to your highness till the
| alarm was given. whereupon / pretended to
| trip and fall while running for the door: but
| picked myself up Immediately, locked the door,
forced all the drawers of your writing table,
| pocketed the money, and, lifting up the win
| cow, leaped on TO the lawn-a good jump, Ger
| taiIiy: but ran OF towards the gate. Here I
| was stopped. | pointed to the smoke coming
| through the hall door, said was going for the
| engines, and then quietly returned home.
| 1t Is my intention to indulge in tour TO the
United States with the $500 l procured by my
| ingenuity.
| Pray remember they are not all thieves that
| steal, and believe me, Yours truly
| AVERY HANDY MAN