The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-09-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

Rabbits NAV not have very cunning
brains, but they are decidedly fur-tailed
animals.
what is the worst thing about rich
So" asked teacher. Their scarcity,
replied a boy, and he was Immediately
awarded prize.
A Northern crank made out that the
Texas meteor was foretold in the Bible.
After that he heard there was no mete-
Or. He would have kicked himself if he
had not been too religious.
Another survivor of Balaklaya is dead
in England. Thus they are falling, the
mobile six hundred" by the ruthless
hand Of Time. BY the end of the CEN
tury, probably, there win not be more
than nine hundred of them left
Much of the trouble in married life
originates in disputing who shall carry
the pocket-book. A young Philadelphia
husband got around this trouble by let
ting his wife carry the pocket-book while
he kent TSe Tbs Pse q Nan the rich are said to
be very arrogant toward the poor, but
there is no tariff on alcoholic beverages,
and the inebriate of limited means has
the satisfaction of being able to get as
blind drunk as the richest man on the
island.
when q new railway is TO be built in
America" says an English paper, 1.-THE
first thing they do is to break ground,
which is done with great ceremony.
The next thing is to break the share
holders, which is done without cere-
mony."'
The Crow Indians put rocks into the
bales of hay that they sell to the govern
ment As the Indian agents used to
put rocks into their sacks of flour, we
excuse them. 1t is gratifying to know
that there are some things the Indian
can learn from his white brother
Somerville takes the first price for a
| tender-hearted man. He is so sensitive
that he can't bear to see or hear his
wife saw wood, and when she tackles the
bucksaw in the cellar he puts on his hat
and walks out of the house. - Somer-
Uille Journal.
A light haired young Englishman af-
fiicted with an impeachment in his speech.
entered chemists shop and said: Il
wa-wa--want some pa-pa-pa-pas-
tiles or ip--ip-ip-" 'Hoorayr' ex-
claimed the chemist, quite ont of pa
tience.-Faits Divers.
'Well, observed 14-year-old boy,
knocking the ashes off his cigarette and
throwing down a printed catalogue of a
valuable private library to be sold at
private sale. "Well. he must have been
dry old stick. Five thousand books
in his library, and not a single dime
| novel about Injnns or piruts among EN-
Williams.
A philosopher who had borrowed
some money to pay for his nights lodg-
ing at hotel, woke up in the night and
saw person climbing through the win
dow. With admirable nonchalance he
said to the intruder: look here, my
friend. You'll get into debt if you rob
me; for You won't find anything butun-
receipted tailors' bills in mypoekets.'
..Mr. Jones, ] think | viii have to
raise your board" said hundred
/ and-twenty-ninth street boarding house
keeper to gentleman whose appetite
seemed to increase every day. '.Ah,
thank you very much for your kindness
| in raising my board. Ihave been I'M
able to raise it myself for some time. y
During a conversation upon politics
one of the company remarked philosoph.
ically. 1T is pity everybody CANNOT
view these matters as impartially as
i do. No matter what the government
/ so long as it is good | accept it; but you
don't hear me believing everywhere
Live so and sor That isn't my lnep
Il know it isn't, responded another
| guest, ''you' re a doctor. .
i Unrequited advance-Old flame Tin /
/ tone of tender melancholy to an old fogJ
whom she regrets having rejected wheI
i he once made her an offer) DO Vol
think, Mr.. Buckthorn. we shall NEE
those we love in the next worldpn OLE
perhaps, ma am. And. let Vi
hope, in that part of it where they
neither marry nor are given in mar
riage.' London Punch.
/ A British Vice Consul writing from
i Berdiansk. Russia, SAYS: .sAmeriear
reaping machines command the market
and far outstrip all of English make in
H sliting the requirements of the country.
i The number sold must be simply colos-
sal, as in nearly every village and colo
my Of South Russia, and also to q CON
siderable extent in the Cancas is, this
machine Is to be found, and gives uni
lrersal satisfaction.