Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-01-04
HumOr OF the Day.


man said when she got married after
thirteen years courtship.
Man proposes, God disposes-but it
takes woman with her hair down to
be indisposed when anybody calls.
When rain falls, if she gets the bigger
half of the umbrella, they are lovers
if ne takes the bigger half they are
married.
Many London ladies crop their hair
short 1t is plainly evident that the
married men in that city will soon lose
their grip.
The chronological Journal ask:
"Why should not women whistler"
They do. A good many Of them,
when they want new bonnet, have to
whistle for it.
A female, young or old, who does
mans work ought to get a mans pay.
Boston Globe. True and If you
will look at the new fall styles you will
perceive that many women who don't
do a mans work are getting pretty
good share of mans pay.
make home attractive if you want
your husband to stay at home" is the
advice female philosopher gives her
sex. Yes, by all means, make it at
tractive if, in order TO do so, you have
to hire pretty servant girl. This has
been known to cure a truant husband
after all other means had failed.
The London Times prints the follow
ing palpably imaginary story of 'a
certain Irish M. F." who had been de-
scribipg his travels in the far west and
the virgin forests" there: "What is
virgin lorest?" asked an auditor.
"Phwat is vairgin forest is it We whant
to know? A vairgin forest, sorr, is one
phwere the hand O man has never set
fut, bedad"
Two rival bellies at an evening party
were seated in the conservatory with
their respective cavaliers, enjoying
their supper. The gas was turned
down somewhat, as it should be in a
conservatory at an evening party. "My
dear Julia" said one of the fascinating
creatures, show beautiful your COM
plexion is--in this dim lightl' ''Oh,
thank YOU" responded her rival, "and
how lovely you look in the dark"
A Bugaboo once Crawled Down
Chimney to run away with Child who
had the Afternoon previous been De-
tected in one of the Prevarications Pc
culiar to Youth. "Pray do not Harm
me-" cried the Terrified youngster.
"But you Insist upon Wreaking your
Revenge upon a Liar, please step into
the next room and Tackle my Parents,
who have been giving me the Tradi-
tional Sda about Santa Claus"
An elopement 1t was colored
man with the genuine brogue who
said "The Widow Butler has eloped
with Marsa Chusetts."
Worse than nothing: A wag, speak
ing of a friend whom be suspected Of
living altogether beyond his means, OBJ
served that he believed he "would owe
several thousand dollars after all his
debts were paid"
Wherein it was possible; Nibbs-
"The policeman in my neighborhood
is a trump, ! tell you. You can always
find nim walking his beat at right. F"
Tibbs-"Thats possible; he may be a
somnambulist"
Mrs. Turtledove out marketing:
Butcher-"For dinner? Yes, ma'am.
Nice quarter of lamb, ma'am p Mrs,
Turtledove Ia bride of two weeks)-
"Oh, but there are only two of us
Don't you think an eighth would do as
well ?"
Cupid waits on cash: eyes," said
young Mr.. Guy, of the Rickerknocker
club, "yes, was engaged to her, but
I've broken it off, you know, until | see
whether she is going to be successful
in breaking her uncle's brothers will,
you know"
Little Emily's cute catch; "Uncle
John," said little Emily, edo you
know that baby that was fed on ele-
phaxts milk gained twenty pounds in
one week ?" "Nonsensel Impossiblel"
exclaimed Uncle John, and then he
asked: "Whose baby was it?' "The
elephants" she replied.
Poor Miss Passee: Hollis Holworthy
(who does not dance, to Miss Passse,
who has been wall-flower all the eve
ning)-"Are you dancing this evening,
Miss Passee ?" Miss p (misinterpret-
ing the question, and with eagerness y
Eyes, certainly" II. H.-"How | en-
Wy your Sudden collapse Of Miss
Passee.)
Clara's Christmas present: Charley
wanted to give Clara Christmas pres
ent, but couldn't make up his mind
what it should be; so the next time he
called he frankly told her the difficult
ty under which he was laboring.
"Want to make me a present, Char
ley" exclaimed Clara in well-disguised
establishment. "Why, Charley, you
forget YOURSELF" Charley took the
hint and offered himself on the spot.
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