Milford chronicle., 1883-12-28
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM PARADISE
HALL.
The President Administers Rebuke 20 the
Members AbORt Quarreling.
LFrom De Detroit Free Press.l !

LFrom the Detroit Free Press.l
During the past week the club has re-
ceived, at the hands of a prominent
South Carolina scientist, part of the
vertebre of a mastodon-oneo Of the play
full animals which lived, roamed and
died in this country about fifty years be-
fore Susan B. Anthony was born. It so
happened that Judge Congo and Walk
Around Green were the first two mem
bers to arrive at the hall at the usual
Saturday night meeting, and the relic
at once engaged their attention. Judge
Congo squinted up his lefteye, puckered
his mouth and declared that the masto-
don who lost this piece of back bone
must have been twenty-four feet long,
sixteen feet high, and heavy enough to
jar the City Hall by rubbing against a
corner. Walk Around Green is heavy
on poultry statistics and light on mas
todons, and it therefore came about that
when Windy White, Samuel Shin and
Sir William Tompkins arrived it was to
find terrible struggle going ON between
the two men, and the backbone kicking
around under the benches. The COM
batants were separated, but had not got
the blood wiped off before Brother
Gardner arrived and opened the meet
ing, When the triangle had sounded
and Waydown Beebe had finished his
lonesome coughing fit, the President
arose and said:
"Gem'len, human natur' am mighty
Gurus thing. De average man will git
mad quicker an fight harder ober what
he doan know an has no chance to fin
out dan fur sunthin' he am posted about.
What Judge Congo doan' know bout
mastodons would make book as big as
a one-hoss wagin. What Walk Around
Green doan' know bout de same anamile
would weigh two tons an half. Dar'-
fore dey were de very two men to git
up fight wild ignorance fur de basis.
''1t has bin so from de beginnin', an
it will be so to de eand. Men who know
de least bout de Bible have de moas' dis
putes ober it. De biggest ignoramusses
on astronomy an philosophy hold to
der opinyuns de strongest an de long
est. Prejudice will beat facks nine
times outer ten, an bigotry am de club
which knocks down sense an argument.
Judge Congo wouldn't take an inch nor
an ounce off de size an weight of dat
mas5odon, though he neber saw one
nor come widin 5000 Vars of it. Walk
Arolnd Green wouldn't believe one side
of no sich story bekase a mastodon
wasn't chained up at de doah whar' he
he could measure him wild a two-foot
rule Neither would accept material
history an scientific research.
"Thile dar' am some mitigatin' sar-
cunstances an excuses fur dis quarrel
de sentence of dis Char am to de effect
dat both offenders shall pay a fine of
So, $40 an costs"
This being the first time that either of
the derelicts had been called to the
chalk-mark it was expected that they
would be dismissed with a reprimand.
The sentence, therefore, fell like heavy
weight. Judge Congo rolled his eyes
from north to south for moment and
thenfell back in faint, while Brother
Green gasped for breath, made an awful
effort to smile, and leaned over on the
wood-box and cried like a weary child
until the current of his thoughts was
chinged by some one dropping cold
spike down behind his coat
collar.
Sir Isaac Walpole desired to state, be-
fors passing the bean-box, that he per-
fectly agreed with the President in his
remarks. There was a time when he |
himself held that the world was exactly |
Is, ,2af, ,324 years and 3 months old and |
he would have knocked man down for
adding or subtracting two hours to or
from these figures. He had got six
months sickness, a broken jaw and
thir9 days in the cooler for disputing
on nhtters of which he was entirely
ignohnt but firmly ''sot, and had now
ceased the practice. He then went his
rounl and the following candidates were
electid: Hard Times Smith, Sarsaparil-
Ia bylor, Standard Jones, Abraham
Scott Prof. Therefore Black, Trustee
Bullck, Caravan johnson and Old Man
Hum
Forest CULTURE. urging the i'm
- l. ~. &c fonorL ~, Ih,,,.n II, I,ir ann |