Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-06-21


Harper'S Monthly, says that woman
will never reach her proper develop
ment until she ceases TO be under the
dictation of man." Mr.. Curtis seems
to have struck new variety of fe-
males.
Two self-accused humorists of Ohio
have had a fight over the authorship of
the facetious phenomenon and laugh
jerking success, ''Who ever saw Il tree
boX?" The bone of contention between
these two giant minds, evidently is not
their funny-bone.
The daughter of the Duke and Ouch
ess of Albany was baptized a few days
ago with the name of ''Alice Mary Vic
toria Augusta Pauline. If Alice eats
homemade pie she may some time
have a dream nearly as long as her
name.
why" asked q governess of her
little charge, ''do we pray to God to
give us our daily bread? Why don't
we ask for four or five days or a
week." Because we want it freshs''
replied the ingenious child.
Il don't want no rubbish, no fine
sentiments, if you please said the
widow who was asked what kind of an
epitaph she desired for her late hus-
bands tombstone. LET it be short
and simple, something like this: Will
lam Johnson, aged rs years. The good
die young
''Say, Mrs. Bunson," said little girl
to lady visitor, ''do you belong to a
brass band?" mo, my dear" 4
thought you did" "Why did you, my
child?" Because mamma said YOU
was always blowing your own horn,
and 1 thought you must belong to the
band. - Cincinnati Drummer.
A teacher defining transitiYe verb
as one which expresses an action which
is ''passed over" from the doer, gave
for illustration, 1.-The dog ways his
tail" Whereupon yOungster arose
with the criticism; please, ma'am,
the action don't pass over; it stays in
the dog"
The other morning a little boy who
was eating shad for his breakfast be-
came very much eXasperated at the an
noyance the bones caused him, when he
yelled out: mamma, why don't some
body make shads without splinters in
them? My throat feels as though it had
been sliding down a cellar door for q
month without stopping"
Many years ago quaint old divine
named DIR. Richards preached in Han
over, n. H. At q conference of minis
tiers once held in that town, each cler-
gyman was called upon to give some of
his more remarkable experiences
When DR.. Richards turn came he held
that he had no experiences to give.
"But, said one, ''you must have had a
difficult congregation to preach to, COM
posed as it is of the villagers, the Fac
ulty of Dartmouth College and the stu
dents" ''WeE," said the Doctor, ''the
fact is, the villagers don't know enough
to make me afraid of them; as for the
Faculty, l know more than all of them;
and in regard to the students, don't
care q copper for any of then"
When man goes to q circus he usu-
ally goes to enjoy himself. I went to
Barnum's circus the other night and /
enjoyed myself. |, of course, had a
seat in box with some friends, and in
a lull of conversation / noticed couple
wished to bet on the woman who drove
against the man in the Roman chariot
race. Finally the discussion as to who
should bet upon the woman was settled,
and dude No. bet $1.13 on the lady.
Dude No. 2 bet SO cents on the man.
Just at this moment the race began.
The woman took the lead. She was
passed on the corner of the track by the
mans team, and the excitement grew.
The dudes could hardly contain them
selves. Around the last corner flew the
teams, and as they passed the judge
stand the cry went up, 1.-The man wins
by a neck" and so it proved, much to
the chagrin of the dude who had laid
the odds on the woman. AS he paid the
debt of honor he said in voice choked
with emotion: Il think it's real mean:
don'tcher know, I've been here three
nights on complimentary tickets and the
woman has won every time"