davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
ODDITIES OF WASHINGTON Liss.


l have been trying to get to the funny
part for long time, and, although there are
= lot of interesting things swimming in my
mind, l am going TO put them all aside and
return to my saddle of mutton. Let us sup
pose, Mr. Editor, that you are Senator or
Representative 20, no, that won't do, butt,
let us suppose you are Cabinet officer, or
on the Supreme Court bench. You are pop
ular (of course) and sought for and invited
to every swell table. On Monday you have
a lovely dinner at Secretary Molar's When
you dine with Senator Incisor on Tuesday.
you are surprised that you have precisely
the same dinner that you had the day before
On Wednesday you are at Judge woolsack's
1.-The same old dinuer again, with, possibly,
the same china, the same flower stands, and
the same waiters-beyond doubt the same
walters. by the time you get to Represen-
tatve Tonguey's, on Thursday, and find tho
same walters, the same soup, the same fish,
the same fillet, the Same old miserable sweet
breads and pens, the same form of ice
cream, and the same cheese and crackers.
you begin to feel like the professional quail
eater or course Crutchet was not the only
caterer in Washington. There were and
there nre others. Bnt their dinners are
about the same thing. regular old, sea-
soned diner out can tell the minute he sits
down TO the table who is the caterer. l
happen to know case in point. One cater.
or IN the city, very good one he is, too,
has GOLD plafad fnrLa aud s,ao,a frl,a
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
NO. $50
WOOD cHoPpINo.

"A man has got to know how 10 cut wood,
tell you" said a gentleman of the wood
chopping profession to a correspondent Of
the Philadelphia Press "He's got to know
more'n how to swing an axe to make chop
per. II he don't ten to one he'll get out of
wind on the big fellows after splittin' bit,
or bust himself up iftin' the big sticks.
Now was brought up to it, and can chop
stiddy and fast, and cave right into it, and
stand hard on my legs and not get out o
wind. Every lick counts. allus did Eke
chopin; and there's my boy, just turned
thirteen-he'll make chopin boy, you
bet My wife, too, she's got an axe of her
own, and she lows she's goin' to help me
out with this piece o. splittin'. Why, when
we was first married she worked long side o
nue. every day, bringin' down the trees. chop.
pin her half cord and putin it up an then
doin' her housework. Regular Jersey girl
she was; none o. your h'ity-tity notions
bout her; right smart to work, an inst a.
fond Of pritty piece o chopin as / was.
We went clean out into the heart o the wood
the first thing, and set up housekeeping in
9 shanty. Landi + can smell them woods
yet. She chopped like man, and cooked
the whites, too TIT wasn't that she chops
overhanded she could beat lots o, fellows
now"
The "piece Of chopping where this de-
dghtful romance was enacted was, I learned
afterward. "furder down shore,p deep in
wood valuable for glass house use. Great
quantities are consumed by these voracious
feeders, requiring large cut annually.
Wages are always fair, and "wittles"-so
my informant answered an inquiry-are rea-
sonable; Pork bout the same fgger az
anything else; pork, to him, evidently CON-
prised all that was meant by wittles." It
must have been an idyllic life--liying alone
in great pine wood with the woman of his
choice, working by her side in the "pretty
chopin" with good wages. snug little
shanty, a bed feathered with Dough tips, aud
plenty of bacon.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
ABOUT MONKEYS.

There are no animals about which SO
many stories have been told as the monkey
All the tricks and rascalties of the animal
Englishman who wrote TO his correspondent
in Rio Janeiro to send him two hundred
varieties of the monkey plant, and forgot to
write the word plant, aud consequently re-
ceived word from his correspondent that he
had received aud shipped 173 varieties of
monkeys, aud could procure no more, was
probably thinking of their many blunders
and tricks when he himself committed the
blunder that cost him so dear Most of the
stories are based on the monkeys power of
imitation. A Spanish mule-driger once in.
vested his scant earnings in purchasing a
number of red woven caps, which form the
crown of the turban worn throughout Tur-
key and Africa, and set out to make his
fortune in the interior. He started out be-
fore sunrise, and when the heat OF the day
came on lay down to sleep beneath tree in
awood. Taking off his hat he opened his
valise, and, putting on red cap, was soon
asleep When the sun was low in the hori.
xon he awoke, and TO his horror saw the
trees filed with monkeys in red caps They
had seen the Spanard put ON the red cap
before going to sleep, and followed his ex-
ample. The poor Spaniard, with all the ges-
ticulation peculiar to country. cursed his
hard fate, stamped his foot in anger. and
tore of his red cap aud threw il on the
ground, when blessed and unexpected
result, all the monkeys followed his ex-
ample. He picked up his hats and moved
on.
When the smallpox once ragged in South
America. and broke ont with violence among
the monkeys, cunning French physician
secured an old balloon, and in his presence
slowly vaceinated q young monkey on the
1eshy part of the forearm He used pro-
teoted lancet SO that the wound could only
be made of certain depth, and, retiring,
soon had the pleasure of seeing the old
baboon yaccinate another monkey as care.
fully as he had done.
One evidence offered that monkeys are
akin to human is in the fact that they seem
to be terribly afraid of the dark So when
showmen have occasion 10 use them in an
evening performance, and wish to stop their
chatteying aud noise, they place a lighted
candle in their midst and they squat around
it and wink and blink rs quietly as though
they were rejecting on the o,igin of light.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
POETRY.
THE PHANTOM SHIP.

We stood on the haunted Island.
We stood by the haunted bay;
The stars were all over the skyland,
Bu& the moon had lOitered away.
The lights of fisher-boats glimmeied,
The beacon glowed steady and red,
The calm sea icily shimmered
Like the eye OF one who is dead,
Then, all alone ON the ocean,
The ghost of the island came
The ghost OF vessel In motion,
The ghost OF vessel OF fame
shone with vapsrous brightness
A glamour OF tremulous rays;
1t was not IRE, but the wilderness
OF a ghost OF a persisted blaze.
We watched It with all our vision,
We watched It doubling and dumb;
We had heard of the thing with derlslon,
But we surely beheld It come.
We saw 1t glide DER the water,
A phantom OF pallid fire;
We saw 1t tumble and totter
TO ruin, and then flash higher.
Again ana again TO leeWafu
Its CHASTITY rigging fell Ger;
Atlast, far away TO seaward,
1t foundered, and rose no more.
We had watched IL with all our vision,
We had watched It with eye and glass;
And gone were doubt and derision,
For surely we saw It pass,
Through many winter and summer,
AS the sons OF the island know,
The CLEAN OF this ghostly conner
Has prophesled storm and Woe
This ghost OF great three-master
Which went In the days OF yore
To fell and fiery disaster
Right of the Block Island shore
j. W. De Forest, In Harpers Magazine.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
HENRY cLAY,s SON JOHN.

Situated about one mile and half from,
the city of Lexington, on the Tate's Creeh
pike, is the home and breeding farm of John
NJ. Clay. The place contains something
over 300 acres, and was originally part of
Ashland. Along about 1910 Henry Clay
purchased Ashland, then containing 1900
acres, paying for it only $40 per acre.
Some time before his death he became pos
scssed, by gift and purchase, of quite a
number of high-bred horses, which, upon
the settlement of his estate, passed into the
hands of John NJ, his youngest son, whose
inste and inclination verged toward turf and
field sports. For thirty five years last past
the name OF John NJ. Clay has been promi-
aent rs a successful breeder and turfman
There is no turfman, either in this country
or in England, il except the famous Sh
Joseph Hawley, who has from few select
mares bred so many high-class horses as
Mr.. Clay, and from this fact he has been
frequently Justly styled the Sir Joseph
Hawley OF America. Mr.. Clay parted with
Kentucky for 1900 when a two.year-old.
He was afterward sold for $4,000 the
largest bona fide price ever paid for horse
in America. He was on the turf from a
two to six-year-old, and during that time
sustained but one defeat, he being that time
notoriously ont of condition. He was in.
deed grand horse and probably no better
one has been seen upon the American turf
II the writer is not mistaken, he sold Lodi
for $40, 600; for Saucebox he received 81
900, and not very long ago he parted with
the two brood mares Sly Boots aud Squeeze
EN- for 1880. He has, without doubt.
sold as many az one hundred head of horses
for prices ranging from 81 200 to 10000
now, mind you, all of these of his own rails
ing Mr.. Clay has never at any one time
owned very large number OF mares, but
those he did have on hand were always be.
lecti in other words, pure diamonds, none
of them being off color His residence is a
handsome brick, two stories high. of the old
style, wide halls and large rooms, furnished
Ia manner that well becomes the comforta-
bic home of the old time Kentucky gentle.
man. His stabling aud outbuldings are
substantial. At one time he had fine
stable, with all conveniences, but it being
destroyed by fire. lie has not built SO ex.
tensively since. Running close to the house
is one of the finest aud best training tracks
in the country, and his colts rarely ever
make canter without his watchful eye be.
ing over them. Although Mr.. Clay has vir-
tuaNy retired from active turf pursuits,
nevertheless he continues to breed and take
great interest in racing affairs. -Louiseiik
Courier Journal
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09

81 can't keep it to myself any longer,
grandma / wrote that letter myself. I'm
as rich as | ever was, and I've tested my
friends. Old Crabbe has proven false, and
you have proven true. felt sure about
Hetty all the while; and when we are mar
ried you must live with us, and there shall
be no more hard work and boarders for you
In this world, You dear old SOUL"
After which the reader is to understand a
wedding and a happy life for all Mary
RDle Dallas
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09

INcAGcAaATrD AND FORGOTTEN "A woman
who has been in the Georgia Pemtentiary
for eighteen years on life sentence is to be
released by Governor Aleck Stephens. He
would pardon her If knew what to pardon,
but the fact is that nobody knows what she
u in there for. There.is no record of her
misdeeds on the prison register, and the
woman herself does not know why she Is i'm
prisoned.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09

WHERE LAND IS DIRT CgEAP - The noun
Ain lands Of Tennessee arc very cheap, and
consequently people give them away on the
highest excuse. A man recently made
present of | 900 acres to q stranger who had
aved him from an accident; and the per-
ION to whom the present WAS made could
,ot for long time find anyone to take it OF
lis hands. At last he got rid of 800 acres
If il by giving II to a man who had treated
nim TO some apple brandy, and after further
effort worked off the remaining 800 acres on
man who had lent him an umbrella Another
a,an who, while intoxicated, had assaulted
nan, in order to compromise the case was
obliged to accept deed for 300 acres. The
axes on these lands amount to more than
hey can possibly produce.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09

How A JuRY PuT IN WEEK. We have
card of juries playing checkers with loxen-
.ers aud swapping stories during their de-
.berations, but an Atlanta jury takes the
sad in having good time. They had been
at week without agreeing upon verdict,
.uring which time they engaged in one fist
lght, several quarsls, and clandestins cor
espondence with a newspaper, dropping
heir communications out of a window.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09

WILD IsAccunAcY OF WoNAS's AIM.
When woman rushes out into the yard,
er eyes flashing with executive determine
on, and picks up piece Of board to throw
hen, it is interesting to see how quickly
II the children playing in the vicinity will
an ia trout OF her to prevent being hit -
baturday american.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09

An ExcEEplSaLy THIRsry BEAr.-A big
brown bear at the Black Hills found and ate
q bushel of salt with great gnsto. An hour
later he was seen at. the bank of creek.
sssiduousiy drinking and occasionly raising
bis head to look up stream aud see il the
supply of water was likely to hold out
Boston Post
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09

WEBSTER AND WAITER. Once when Daniel
Webster was dining tabie dhote nj the Aston
House, in the days Wien twas conducted ON
gha. we call the American plan, a servant
same to him and said man WAS waiting In
.he Office to collect bill. rs he q good
waiter Z" asked Webster. +" don't know"
answered the servant Neither do l." said
the orator: 81 SO we will have to ascertain.
Tell him I'm ct dinner--let him wait" and
Mr.. Webster finished his dinner lei
surely, the man having lost patience and
departed prior to the conclusion. Hotel
kaa.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
WALTER II. HAYHURST,
COuuseIIOr.at.IaW

SOLICITOR, md MASTER IN CHANeERl'
and .VOT4RI PtBLIC
oFFICE-5I NORTH UNION STREET
HAMBERTvILlE n. J.
March g. 1880.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
SAMUEL T.. PERRY,
AttOrmeY-at-LaW. solicitor,

MASTER AND EXAMINER N CTINCEEl'
AND NOTARY PUBLIC.
onice-In Masonic Hall (second floor, Bridge
street, fambertSile, n. ].
April ?, 1879.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-09
&. 4. It e. II. SkILLM4N,
Attorneys-at-Law,

SOUTHEAST COR. BRIDGE AND UNION SIS.,
LAMBERTNlLLE, n. j.
Collections and all legal business Entrusted to
will receive prompt aud faithful atten-
lion.
&. A. SKIELMAN, G.. II. SKILLMAN,
(0aassll6r-dt- Lac .iH0Faey-df- Lar.
July ., 1879.
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27

did not stop to explain, but ran as quickly
as she could toward where Jessie was.
Ann, like a faithful servant, never
stopped to ask why, but followed her mis-
tress, calling at the same time for James,
who was Just entering the gate. James
obeyed the summons, and, being the swift
est, reached the spot first. There hung
Jessie, still sobbing and screaming. This
go excited James that he forgot how frail
the little house was, and sprsng upon 1t at
one effort. Crash it went under him, and
he fell with it all in heap to the ground.
What a hnbbub there was then! But
James was soon up again, and had brought
ladder. Ann was so eager to help that
she started to run up just as james did,
and the consequence was that collision
took place and Ann sat down on the grass.
James flew up, looked over, comprehended
the situation, and, knowing he could not
make the dog let go, whipped out his knife
and cut Jessie's frock.
1t took some time for the story to be
told, and for everybody to recover com-
posure but when it was all understood,
it was declared that Midget was heroine,
and that nothing was too good for her.
They all believed that Midget had purpose
ly run to the house to let them know there
that Jessie was in trouble but very likely
Midget was 60 excited by Jessies cries that
she did not know what she was doing, for
long after everybody else was composed,
and even able to laugh at the picture of
Jessie on one side of the fence and the dog
on the other, Midget continued to tremble
as with ague. ii. r, CoryeQ.
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27
RULES FOR RIDING.

In riding face the near side of the horse.
The near side is the side nearest yourself
II you stand on the right side of the horse,
which is the wrong side, when you mount
you will face the crupper. Then every.
body will know that your name is johnson
Gottlieb Ernsigefolger. If you cannot
mount from the ground, lead the horse to
high fence, climb upon the fence, say
" whoa" two or three times, and then Jump
over the horses ears. You will light some
where on his neck, and you will have
plenty of time to adjust yourself while the
horse IS running away. Another method
of mounting, largely practiced by young
gentlemen from the city, is to balance
yourself on one foot on the fence and point
the other leg at the horse, in the general
direction of the saddle, saying " whoa all
the time. The horse, after this gesture
has been repeated a few times, backs away,
pulls the alleged rider off the fence and
walks up and down the lane with him at a
rapid gallop. This gives the rider, in
about ten minutes, all the exercise he
wants for a week. If by some miracle you
manage to get into the saddle, hold on
with both hands and say whoa" The
faster the horse goes the tighter you must
hold on and the louder you must ' holler." "
If you are from New York or Philadel-
phia, you will shorten the stirrups until
your knees are on leve. with yoar chin.
Then as you ride you will rise to your feet
and stand in the attitude of a man peering
over fence to look for his dog, and then
fall into the saddle like man who has
stepped on banana peel. This is the En.
glish school. 1t is hard on the horse, but
is considered very graceful. A man cannot
wear false teeth, however, and ride in this
manner. II Burlington Hawkeye.
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27
SOCIAL PESTS.

MY son, ;" said a genial-faced old gen.
tleman to his II year-old pride as they stood
on the crossing awaiting the arrival of a
homeward bound car. "Do you see the
young man on the corner over there, rest
ing his anatomy against wooden image of
the defunct Pocahontas and his eyes upon
every woman and young girl that passes
by?
"You do well, take good look at him
my young fellow, for, if l ever catch you
doing likewise, it will be my painful duty
to disown you, which would bring sorrow
to your old fathers heart but I'll do it,"
"Who is that man, papa, and what does
he do that you speak of him SO ?"
"That, my son, is prime specimen of
creature they call masher, and you'll
find them in scores hereabout every day
when the sun is out. They dress in the
finest raiment, fashionably cut, wear tooth.
pick shoes, clutch. me-quick pants and are
generally seen smoking those brain stupi-
fiers known as cigarettes having no visi-
bic means of support, and seemingly no
other occupation than that of posing pea
cock-hke on the street corners ogling WON.
en- and staring them out of countenanoe.
They are the worst pestilential nuisances
that society harbors, disgracing not only
themselves but their parents, who brought
them up and endeavored to school them in
the way they should CO. Their efforts to
educate them up to good principles OF con-
duct, and a standard of manliness that
commands respect however, have proven
failure, loves labor lost, as it were.
"But, father" said the rising youth,
"Ill never be like them"
81 hope for heavens sake you never
will If thought my sole remaining Joy
would join the brainless, senseless brother
hood, I'd go around to an undertaken this
very night and order coffin in advance.
Yes, my SOD, take to heart these few re.
marks I've made on the msshers, and may
you grow up to be a manly fellow, improv
ing your mind, cultivatiug brain and COM
mon sense. Go very little into what is
known as fashionable society, where the
standard of recognition appears to be
greenbacks instead of character and worth
that it should be. From here graduates
the largest majority Of mashers, regular
blackguards that they are. No. my son.
don't blossom forth as "a masher, for I'd much
rather see you down at Joliet breaking
rocks for the State. Here comes an Indi-
ana avenue car at last catch on and think
over what I've been talking about, and
heed the advice given. Cheek.
A community of Benedictine monks is
shortly to be established in the suburbs of
Chicago,
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27
"raEY say"

" They say Al we'll, suppose they do
But can they prove the story true
Suspicion may arise from naught
But malice, envy, want OF thought
Why count yourself among the they "
Who whisper what they dare not say?
" They say"-But why the tale rehearse,
And help TO make the matter worse ?
No good can possibly accrue
From telling what may be untrue
Aud is it not nobler plan
To speak of all ths best you can?
" They say We'll, if it should be so,
Why need you tell the tale OF woe ;
Will it the bitter wrong redress,
Or make one pang Of sorrow less
Will it the erring one restore,
Henceforth to 90 and sin no more?
Thev say oh pause and look within,
See how your heart inclines to sin
Watch lest in dark temptations hour,
You, too, should sink beneath its power :;
Pity the frail-weep Ger their fall,
But speak Of good or not at all.
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27
OUR YOUNG FOLKS.
Little Maud's Story.

I'm going to tell you a story
It's nice, know you'll say;
Not an old tale
Worn out and stale
made it myself to-day.
There was once bee-yoo-tiful princess
Oh, ever so long ago.
When fairies and kings
And all such things
We're common enough, you know.
And oh, she was awful lovely
With eyes as blue ss the sky;
Slender aud fair,
With long, light hair.
And about as big as ].
But oh. she was awful unhappy
Aud if ever she smiled at all,
Twas once in a while,
a weak little smile,
When she played with her Paris doll.
Forshe had such terrible teachers
And lessons she could not bear;
And she hated to sew,
And she hsted-Oh,
She hated 70 comb her hair
Well, one day, she wandered sadly
in dark and dismal deli
when, do you know,
She stubbed her toe,
And tumbled into well
The well vas wet and Shiny,
and dark aad muddy and deep
But the frogs below
They pitied her 90,
They SC aped the mud in heap.
And then they dubbed together,
and toad-stool tall they made,
Aud safe on that
The princess sat,
And waited for mortal aid
And she. to keep from crying,
And her anxious fears disable,
Repeated fast,
Fcom first to last,
Her multiplication table.
Aud all the songs and verses
She had ever learned TO say,
Books she had read,
Pieces she'd said,
And the lessons Of yesterday.
Now, prince there came a-riding,
IN the forest thereabout;
When he saw the fair
Maid sitting there,
OF course he helped her out.
And, of course, they rode together.
Til they ed the p ilsce gate,
where they ahghted,
Their tale recited,
And the wedding was held in state.
I'M. NJ Cow, in ST. Nicholas
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27
CAFE ID.

A N UNsUCCEsst UL EFFORT HAVING BEEN
~ made by certain parties 10 prove to the
Board OF Directors Of the Mutual Aid Association.
that my marriage with my late husband was never
solemnized, ior the purpose OF preventing me from
receiving any benefit from the Association, in ius-
tice to myself publish herewith the certificate Of
marriage: "Mobile, Jan. 2S. 1851 hereby GER
tify that on the 18th day Of june 1851 Joined in
marriage Royal Preston and Philinda B. Chandler,
ia Christ Church, Mobile, in presence Of witnesses,
and by virtue Of license issued from the Judge Of
Probate. Nath1 2. Knapp, Minister II Christ
Church, Mobile" lo26 ST. MRS. P. B. PRESTON.
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27

DR.. PRICES Cream Baking Powder has
been the leading Baking Powder for years.
It has gained its popularity from its being
the most perfect Bakir g Powder made. It is
prepared from pure, refined materials. For
purity, strength aud healthfulness. it stands
alone. Its perfect excellence will ever ba
fully maintained,
Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-10-27

Among the crowd who were purchasing
tickets from Chicago to Indianapolis dur.
ing the fve-cent rate excitement, was a
human hog who in sisted on getting ticket
and half, the half being for ten.year-
old boy. He was not killed on the spot,
but did not get his two and half cent
ticket,