Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-03
THIRTEEN TIMES AT THE ALTAR.
The Blissful Matrimonial "reminiscences of
a Baltimorean.
from the Baltimore News. !


''My last birthday, which occurred on the
9Th of this month, found me seventy-fv
years old, and in those nearly four score
| of years have proposed to thirteen young
ladies and was promptly and cordially &C
copied each and every time. Was never
rejected, never, sir, in my whole life. They
invariably blushed, smiled, fell into my
outstretched arms and murmured yes as
soon as asked them. All, my dear sir,
the young men of the present day are not
like we old fellows were. My first wife,
a charming brunette, died one year after
marriage. remained single two years,
and then again sought the friendly aid of a
minister of the gospel with another blush
ing, beautiful young lady on my arm, hope
in my heart and a greenback in my hand
! Death carried off this prize within three
brief months Of the day fondly pressed
upon her eager, willing lips the ecstatic
marriage kiss. She died from typhoid
! fever. The third wife assumed the official
| domestic robe within seven months there
after. 1t was rather quick that time"
exclaimed the old gentleman, while a tear
shOne in his worn, dimmed eyes. ''but she
was a sweet, sweet girl. was, however"
more cheerfully, san exception to my gen
eral rule. That is," explanatory, 81 mean
by that my hasty marriage then, not that
particular wife, for they we're all sweet and
good; every one, sir!' Seven years she
shared his joys and sorrows and then the
! touch of the great destroyer rested upon
her and she was no moro within the walls
of this world. A bad cold, or what some
people elegantly and concisely term "gal
Looping consumption" killed her. after
brief interval of mourning 1 attentively
regarded with interested heart still another
fascinating young lady. She could not
resist my honorable and energetic manly
Establishments, and at an early period af-
ter our introduction at Sabbath school
picnic, during one balmy summer day, she
carefully packed her huge Saratoga trunk
for bridal trip which duly came off at
the advertised time. 1 got money by her
as well as lovely young LADY,"
proudly said the old gentleman. "She was
worth $4,000 in her own name. Bat
lost it all within year of our marriage
specializing in them develish stocks" he
sadly and refectively continued. This
wife lived nine years after the marriage.
Then one day she suddedly and unexpect-
edly died at the dinner table. 81 began to
think my marrying days were certainly
over," meditatively remarked the old gen
tleman. II was never 30 surprised, sir, in
my life, never, as when that dear wife of
mine 80 suddenly died-that particular
one, sir" he carefully added. EMy next
legal housekeeper and lawful social partner
in this especial life drama was lady more
noted for the spirit of disposition than for
the bsauty of her face or the elegance of
her form. will frankly confess to you,
sir, that she was as ugly as Maryland
mule, and L am sorry to say it, because it
once caused me heap of trouble, almost
as perverse," admitted the old gentleman.
"Why, sir, would you believe it, she got
the war fever during the early Gays of the
war? She came from Georgia to Balti-
more, and l met and married her here. Got
1t so bad that against my commands, sir,
she left my house and went and became a
spy for Gen. Lee. She was red-hot, sir;
born and raised far down south. Loved
her particular country toe well, sir. But
as you know, it is born and bred in all
southern women. I did not get a divorce,
because knew if did and she ever lived
to get back to Baltimore I would have to
move out West Immediately upon her ar
rival. She died, sir, from exposure during
the Pennsylvania campaign of Gen. Lee.
There, sir, Is an autograph letter from the
old general himself commanding her de-
vstion and bravey to the Southern cause,
l am proud of that wife even if she was
ugly and stubborn! Indeed am, sir.'
The succeeding wives, like the acts in
two and half hour society play, accord
ing to the old gentleman, followed each
other and disappeared on the stage of
domestic happiness in rapid succession.
None Of them lived long after they had
| uttered at the altar the most important and
| significant words of all their life verbal
| remarks. Il began" exclaimed the old
gentleman, ''at this time of my life to con-
slider myself mighty unlucky. No sooner
| would have a wedding than it would kind
of creep into my heart much against my
will, yes, indeed, sir, much against my
| will, that l would have to begin propara-
tions for q funeral. 1t seemed awful hard.
Bride in my house one month, corpse in
my house the next month"
This sad state Of affairs appears to have
constantly and persistently continued until
the thirteenth blushing bride of this moral
hero was transferred from this vale of &C
tivity to the great future. 'When 1 mar
ried number thirteen, or, rather, 1 should
say my thirteenth wife," quietly and firmly
remarked the old gentleman. Il said to
myself. John, this is the last tims you
will ever stand in this kind of company at
this kind of an altar made up my mind
decidedly at that time, sir. You see, 1
had lost so many wives in quick succession
that began to get afraid myself. And
then, to tell you the truth, sir, am great
home body, as you may now imagine;
don't travel much, never did; and the sim
gle girls around my neighbordood began
to become afraid Of me, too. Actually be-
gan to shun me, sir. I hardly think 1
could have got another wife if I had tried.
Rather hard thing for me, man who
had been so lucky this way, to say; but
promised you, if you would positively not
put my name in your newspaper, that 1
would tell you nothing but the truth, and
1 am man of my word, sir. You know
honest confession is good for tho heart"
and the old gentleman laughed the feeble,
cracked laughter of the aged.
Base Ball.