davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-03-17

A new rival brass band was hired io play a. funeral of Connecticut deacon They were playing a slow and solemn dIfze ii the grave, when suddenly the trombone man shot oui bias, that star ted the hearse-horses and broke up the whole procession The leader, turning upoDJhim hercely, asked him whz, ID the nSy6e of all the ho, places a, once he ~as d6ing ,ha, for: He answered. wish a Smile. '- Gosh. l thought |, was note, and |; was hose-fy: but played i,.-- Esks prfrr
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-03-17

Of course versifcation of the Congre5- rs0aai Resoy[ would require the services of poe; laureate of rather unusual pow CTS. If Congress shall accept senously the suggestions which we make wi,h the carnes, desire 10 promote the public ln- ,erest, we shall venture to recommend the selection of the Sweet Singer of Aich- igan as the hrs; oocupan, of the laureate $ office
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-03-17

@l know why there is no rest for the wicked sad the bad boy as he slsd into a sea, X, the second table zf,er the minis ter and the other guests had departed ' its because the good people tock all there s"- iff<efisg Journal
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-03-17

Mr Hili
 Introduce q bl!l
 To give John smith benson
 MT Bayard
 Talked himself tired
 But sad nothing or;h, oi lnea al.on This would be. succinc,. musical and a degree impressive. The younges, reader could grasp the meaning Of Il, and Il could be easily committed to memory, or a scene ln the House nigh, be depic,ed III such terms AS these: \ very able speech ~as made bs COX, Of Nm. nesotz. Respecting ,he necessity of protecting the black otrf. Twas indignantly responded ,o ts >ms;h. Of Alabama, Whose abominabie talk silenced tf lhs >praker's hammer Then Atkinson, of kansaS, rose To faaks an explanation. Bu, "a. pulled down hy 6 eoileagse n state ot indignation. A=1 Nss Alexander, ia A speech aboe, snsur AnEe, I axed ,he patience of his hearers pretty uea. Y past endurapce. After A htc1 lGdge WhHi1ker dsaoauced the recsproCity Treaty with HAs2n as a sca&a&loas guoa- st-CSsty
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
The "Promised Land, -

Twas once crossing a series OF undu-
lating ranges abutting on Mount Hermon
with an English tourist who was making
merry at the utterly barren appearance
of the promised land" 1t turned out,
however, that his attempted wit served
to sharpen our observation, and we found
that all the hill-sides had once been ter
raced by human hands. A few miles
further on we came to Rasheiya, where
the vineyards still flourish on such ter
races, and we had no difficulty in coming
TO the conclusion that the bare terraces,
from which lapse of time had worn away
the soil. were once trelHsed with the vine.
the highest emblem of prosperity and joy.
Similar terraces were noticed by Drake
and Palmer in the Desert of Judea, far
from any modern civilization. 1t is rash
to infer that because place is desolate
now, it must always have been so, or
must always remain 80. The Arab his
torian tells us that Salah-ed-Din, before
the battle of Hattin, set fire to the for
ests, and thus encircled the Crusaders
with sea of flame. Now there is
scarcely shrub in the neighborhood.
In wandering through that sacred land,
over which the Crescent now waves, one
is amazed at the number of ruins that
stud the landscape, and show what
must once have been the natural fer
tility of the country. Whence has
come the changer Is the blight natural
and permanent, or has it been caused
by accidental and artificial circum-
stances, which may be only temporary
Doubtless, each ruin has its tale OF
horror, but all trace their destruction to
Islamism, and especially to the blighting
| and desolating presence of the Turk.
| That short, thick, beetle -browed, handy
| legged, obese man that so many fresh
tourists find so charming, is Turkish
official. He and his ancestors have ruled
the land since 1917. A Wilberforce in
sentiment, he is the representation of
ssthat shadow of shadows for good-Ot-
man rule. The Turks, whether in their
Pagan or Mohammedan phase, have
only appeared on the worlds scene to
destroy. No social or civilizing art
owes anything to the Turks but progress
i've debasement and decay. That heap
of stones, in which you trace the foun.
dations of temples and palaces, where
now the owl boots and the jackal Turks,
was once prosperous Christian village.
Granted that the Christianity was pure
neither in creed nor ritual; yet it had,
even in its debased form, thew and
sinew that brought prosperity to its pos
sessors. The history of that ruin is the
history of a thousand such throughout
the empire. Its prosperity led to its
destruction. The insolent Turk. re-
strained by no public opinion, and
,urbed by no law, would wiring from
the villagers the fruits Of their labor.
Oppression makes even wise men mad,
and the Christians, goaded to madness,
turned on their oppressors. Then fol-
lowed submission on promise of forgive
ness. The Christians surrendered theil
arms and the flashing cimeter of Islam
fell upon the defenseless, and the place
became ruin amid horrors too foul Il
narrate.-C Contemporary ReOieao.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
Outcome Of q Spelling school.

A graduate from the High School in
this city had call from country school
about two hundred miles north of De-
:roit, and he went his way provided with
several written recommends and whole
,art-load of enthusiasm. He found tho
school house to be a one-story affair
made of logs and large enough to hold
thirty scholars in case the teacher stood
IN the door. When school commenced
the score of scholars could only muster a
geography printed in 1S4S, an arithmetic
q few days younger, dozen leaves of
speller and the half of a broken slate.
The teacher, however, went to work
to hammer knowledge into their crani-
ums, and he had convinced most OF them
that the world was round, and that the
sun neither rose nor set in that country,
when it came time to have a spelling
school. For convenience sake twas held
in a big barn, and the turnout included
everybody from the boy who spelled
'scorn' the same as ''horse," for con-
venience sake, to the old man who always
put Gin haist'' on his letters to his brother
in Vermont.
1t wasn't much of a contest until the
last half-dozen lowered aloft. "Catarrh"
and photograph" laid em out by the
dozens, and when only the champions
were left "Constantinople" floored all
but two like bolt of lightning. Then
came the word parasite" One rem
dered it "parysig ght." and the other
gave it "perrysyte," and when the
teacher shook his head one cried out:
ePve writ that word over a hundred
times, and I guess 1 know"'
s'And I've seen 'em every day OF my
life for forty years, and 1 don't sit down
for anybodyn' added the other.
..It is parasite" replied the teacher.
81 dispute itr'
$50 do l."
..That's the way Webster gives it?"
"Who's Webster?'
Eyes, trot him out.''
Then the friends of either rose up. In
the shindy the teacher came in for two
black eyes, cracked rib, kicks on the
shin and bites ON the ears, and the min
ute he could get clear and over the fence
he headed for Detroit and reached home
in want of SO many repairs that it took
two months to make him presentable.
He had a few dollars due him, and he
left change of clothes up there, but he
doesn't want to hear from the directors.
They may consider that he has resigned.
and any parasite desiring the situation
can have the vacancy without paying
bonus. Detroit Free Press.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

DIR. Meredith has Bible class In
fremont Temple, Boston, which had
more than 1000 members few days
ago.
The New York Tribune has . rat
tling article against the vicious system
of cramming large masses of undigested
facts into the heads of our public school
children. Ignorance is preferable to the
evils of such system.
1t does not follow that girl has
entirely finished her education because
she has, as one said lately, been through
the .'nominal' school ''and ciphered
clear through from simple ambition to
chemical fractures. ~ =. Herald.
-Yung Wing, the new Chief Magis-
trate of the city of Shanghai, is Chris
tian and has an American wife. He is
a graduate of Yale College, and the
original promoter OF the scheme of edu.
eating Chinese boys in the United States.
Political economy is said to be the
one subject in which no Harvard student
fails to elect course during the three
years in which he is allowed a choice OF
studies. Ten years ago there were
seventy-one students of political eeono-
my, while this year there are 2l0.
The fire drill is being practiced in
several of the public schools in Toronto,
Canada, it is said, with excellent effect.
The children are required, on the alarm
being given, to leave their seats in order,
divide into two lines, one at each side OF
the room, and at the exit meet and
march out two abreast.
Missouri has next to Indiana, the
largest amount of permanent funds de-
voted to school purposes in the Union.
They aggregate 80, All. 696, not includ-
ing the annual apportionment OF State
revenue. The State has school popn-
lation of TAI, ,632, and of this number
48S, 900 are enrolled in the public
schools. There are 1922 schools in
operation, conducted by 10, ,607 teachers.
and last year $3,56S, 43S were expended
upon these schools. Detroit Post.
-Itis not often that country church
has more than ordinary luck with the
contribution basket. Once in a while,
however, the church gets even with tho
penurious hearer. In Huntingdon last
Sunday man accidentally dropped the
contents of his purse on the church floor
| Just as the contribution box was passing
him, and the liberal-hearted man who
sat in the next pew gathered up a hand
full of silver and filed the basket. A
cheerful giver is Joy to the country
church. Philadslphid Times.
notwithstanding all that has been
said about the dignity Of the common
school teachers, their pay remains, on
an average, below that of ordinary me-
chanics. The average monthly salary
is $67. "a for men and $S0.59 for women,
in Massachusetts,, against $32.S6 fol-
men and $28.42 for women, in Penn.
sylvania- In Alabama the monthly pay
of white teachers is S20.96; Kentucky
and North Carolina, S21.25. But in
Nevada it is $f01.4 40 for men and III
for women; in California, $50 0.26 for mer
and S64.73 for women The 47,20t
common school teachers of Prussia re
ceive, on an average S282 per annum
besides house and fueL-C ChscGg
/ ,Jofr71HI =
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
Scientific Meddling.

A man in Port Jervis, N. Y, in De-
cember last was caught between two
cars and was taken home in a helpless
condition, apparently paralyzed from
the waist down. He was also labor
ing under the weight of two additional
misfortunes. He had taken out
several accident insurance policies, and
he is said to have had an unfavorable
reputation. For both he did ample pen
ance. He was held to be shamming, and
scientific investigation was set at work.
"Needles were thrust to the bone in
his limbs and deep incisions were made
with lances. He submitted to these
tests twenty-eight different times with
out evincing the slightest physical pain"
The scientific investigators not being
satisfied, wished to administer anes-
thetics, SO that the control of the nerves
might be destroyed, but the subject re-
fused to consent. At this point one
doctor whose curiosity was sated, with
drew, believing the mans lower ex-
tremeties to be really paralyzed and
without feeling, conclusion that ap-
pears highly reasonable. But more in
quisitive scientists arrived in the inter-
ests of the insurance company. They
applied powerful current from gal
vanic battery. There were two results,
ssa slight upward motion of one big toe"
and ''the burning of the flesh deeply
by portion of the wire which was un-
covered. A sbottle of boiling water''
and piece of ice were then passed up
and down the patients legs, but he said
that he felt no sensation of heat or cold.
"For the next test the doctor took a pair
of sharp-pointed dividers or calipers and,
spreading them apart, thrust one point
in the subjects leg and made circle in
the flesh with the other. This was done
in several places. The patient did not
vince under the test" The scientific
investigators declined to say what they
thought of the result. Neither are the
thoughts of the patient chronicled.
1t is to be regretted that the doctors
said nothing, because it would be pleas
ant to know that scientific curiosity was
for once fully satisfied. Probably this
will not occur, however, until the mans
lower extremeties have been crematec
in a blast furnace, or run through ,
stamp mill. AS for the patient, his en-
thusiasm over accident insurance poll
cies has undoubtedly materially subsidized
Scientifically it was a very interesting
case. But if this thirst for scientific in
auiry increases, no citizen can be SURF
when he is safe.-N. Y. Tribune.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
Seventh Sons.

1t is reported that spike maker at
Troy, who is the seventh son of seventh
son, is so steadily in demand by sick pee
pie, who believe that he is a born healer
of diseases. that he has been obliged to
abandon the nail factory and devote him
self to his patients, and that baseball
player, who is also seventh son of a
seventh son, is going to start ON heal.
ing expedition. How the accident OF
being born seventh in line of sons can
enable man to scatter health broadcast
is something that professors in medical
colleges have never yet explained, but
should the system prove satisfactory in
practice no explanation will be neces-
sary. To be healed merely by talking
with a man who had half dozen broth
ers born before him is much easier than
going through course of physic and
being subject to the blunders of careless
prescription clerks. If some seventh son
will do some trifiing thing, like extir-
pating cancer or restoring defective
eve, Just to show his genuineness, he will
find business enough to make him eter-
nally bless his birthday.-M 7. Herald.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
LATER NEWS.

The United States Senate on the oath,
upon taking up the Legislative, Executive
and judicial Appropriation bill, found oc-
casion for discussion in the proposed in
crease of the Public Printers salary, the
question being the influence of the Typo.
graphical Union on the management of the
Government printing Office. The bill was
passed with the committee amendments.
The House passed the bills to forbid the i'm
portation of adulterated tea, to take the
duty off articles imported for the Louisville
and Denver Expositions, and the Sundry
Civil bill, from which were omitted the
proposed appropriations for the heirs of the
late members elect, Kerrone, of Louisiana,
and Updegraff, of Ohio. The majority and
minority reports of the Mississippi Com
mittee were filed.
THE Ohio River at Cincinnati was still on
the decline on the 25th, but heavy rains
were reported throughout the valley the
day and night previous, which may
temporarily check the decline. The Mis-
sissippi is rising at all points below
Memphis and reports come of great
damage being sustained by the plan
ters in the country known as the st.
Frances Biver bottoms, which extends
from New Madrid to st. Helena, Arkansas,
and from the Mississippi River west to
Crowley's Ridge. The water throughout
this region is passing very rapidly and will
soon have inundated the entire country.
There will be lost large quantities of cot
ton seed and stock, besides damage to
farms by the washing away of fences. The
overflow in that section will be as serious
as was the overflow of last spring, and the
inhabitants will be put to the necessity of
moving out or occupying the upper stories
of their cabins.
FIRES ON the oath caused the following
losses: Middletown, Ohio, $4,000; North
Vernon, Ind, 81 800; Lacrosse, Wis, $685.
600; Buffalo, N. Y, $4,000; Riviere du
Loup, Can, 800, 600; Elkhart, Ind, S., 900;
Cassville, Ind, $500.
THE steamer Republic brought to New
York on the oath all but seven of the crew
and passengers of the steamer Glamorgan,
found wrecked in mid-ocean.
The amount of funds transmitted
through c. B. Ritchard & Co., of New
York, from America to the sufferers on the
Rhine is $131, 1888.
CHARLES STORY forged check for $4,000
and got the money from Helena (Mon-
tana) bank, but was captured before he got
out of the Territory.
REAR ADMIRAL CLITz has ordered an in
quiry as to the loss of the United States
steamer Ashuelot.
BISHOP THOMPSON, of the Diocese of Mis-
sissippi, was consecrated at New Orleans
on the oath.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
Phenix Park, Dublin.

Phenix Park, the scene of the assassination
of Lord Frederick Cavendish and Mr.. Burke,
like Hyde Park in London, by stately gate
way. 1t is surrounued by SOLD coped wall,
and is the playground of tae Irish metropolis,
civil and military, and contains bits of
leafy tower and grassy glen, in which
solitude pure aad simple may be real zed.
1t contains It tues of Lord Carlisle. Lord
Cough and a bideous granite OBJ 1l:sk, two
hundred feet in height, recording the exploits
of Well ng on. I he spot where the assassina-
on took place is about half a nile from the
entrance. and is over ooked by the vice-regal
ledge, the semi-offic al home OF tn, / ord Leu
tenant, W ich looks exactly like II twin of our
White House. II has however, the advantage
OF many mountain vie VS. of great beauty. A
little further on are the official residences OF
Mr.. Trevelyan and Tom Burke's successor.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

speaking of doubtful man in soci-
ETY., the New York Commercial AdUer-
tiser SAYS SO long as he has got ingots il
makes no difference how he got in.
-Inasmuch as the course of true love
never did run smooth, wouldn'ti it be a
pious idea for Congress to make an ap-
preparation for the stream of lovep-
Grip.
"A man, lately married, was asked
at the club about his bride. .'Is she
prettyp'' ..No," replied he-s.she is
not, but she will be when her father
dies.n
Some men are ever ready to offer q
remedy for everything. The other day
we remarked to one of these animated
apothecary shops: can idea struck US
yesterday y''-and before we could finish
he advised us: '.Rub the affected parts
with arnica. HartOeN fGa.J San.
The average age of different men is
put down thus: Merchants, fifty-ive;
physicians and lawyers, fifty-eight; farm
ers, sixty-one; clergymen, sixty-four,
and great geniuses, seventy-fve. It will
be observed from the above that the
journalistic profession tends to longevity
Rochester Post Express.
Poem on Bells
The cry is heard on every hand
To stop the church bells ringing;
But it would be quite as unwfse
As If they'd stop the singing.
Say what you want about the noise
This fact is worth repeating:
1t is the bellies, and nothing less,
That call young men to meeting. s,,
"A company of gentlemen, who were
dining at an inn, inquired if the turkey
that was served to them was fresh.
s.Fresh is itr' said the Irish waiter,
iauntily. ssFaith, it's not six hours
since that turkey was walking around
on his own rale estate, with his hands in
his pockets, never draining what an
urgent invitation he'd have to jine you
gentlemen at dinner"
Extract from modern novel: "She
had thrown her heart at his feet, only
to be rejected. What greater punish
ment can any woman have to hearP'l
Well, he might have picked up her heart;
carried it home and given it to his dog.
Or he might have put his foot upon it
and gr-r-r-round it into the dust. Or,
worse still, he might have lifted it up
tenderly, placed it in his coat-tail pock-
ct, married her the next day and made
her work in a shirt factory while he
fooled away his time and money in q
pool room. That would have been some-
thing like punishment.-7he Judge.
He was a depositor in a Rochester
savings bank. He entered the institu-
ton the other morning and timidly in
quired sis the Cashier in the city," 80.
yes, he's at his window" ''And is the
Treasurer around?' ." He is" ssAnd
the Presidentp'' 1.-THE President is
in his office" HAS the bank
,een specializing in oil, wheat, cot
ton or mines!" "No, sir.'' "And
if were to present my. book could
l draw the four dollars I have on
depositP'' ssYou could" "Well, that
takes a great burden off my mind"
sighed the stranger, as he walked out
with greatly improved looks.-Rocbester
On. r Democrat.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
A Foolish and Fatal Practical Joke.

Last evening a little girl named Letitia,
daughter of Charles MacNamee, living in
Ph@nixville. Pa, was shot dead by Matthew
Hartigan, a neighbor. The girl had been to
the residence of a neighbor at the eastcrn end
and proceeded to the residence of Hartigan in
the west arn end of the row. Exactly as she
entered the yard in front of his house shot
was fired through the front window. The girl
fell crying Mamma She was picked up
dead and carried to her home.
1t appears there WIS a party of young poo
pie spending the evening at Hartigan's, who
were in one room while he was in another. He
called his wife, told her he was going to 6re
his gun through the window to frighten the
visitors, and that she should not he fright
ened. He tod young man in the room with
him that the gun was loaded with marble. He
fired, as he said he would, and shot the little
girl, purely nccidentaliY.- lLddelphid Press.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
Experieneed Matrimonialists.

The ancient church of Birdbrook, En-
gland, which has just been reopened
after important restorations, contains q
monumental slab bearing this extraor-
dinary record: 'Martha Blewitt, OF
Swan Inn, at Baythorne-end, in this
parish, buried May z, 1851. She was
the wife of nine husbands consecutively.
but the ninth outlived her." The entry
in the register is quaint: "Mary Blew
lit, We wife of nine husbands successfully,
buried eight of YIN, but last of all ye
woman dy'd allsoe, and was buried May
Z, 1881" In the margin is written:
'This was her funerale sermon text"
The same tablet records that Robert
Hogan was the husband Of seven wivea
successfully"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01
The isolated city of the great

The isolated city of the great
Northwest is up the Missouri River,
1,sO0 miles beyond Bismark, away from
any railroad, hemmed in by mountains,
and, at this season, shut out from all
the world. 1t bears the name of Ben
ton. in honor of '.Old Bullion" and it
is the magazine of the British North
west. 1t is a substantial town, because
lumber is so costly there that it is econ
omy to build with brick. During nav
igation twenty-five steamboats, carry
freight to this remote city, and the vol
ume of business there justifies a Cham
ber of Commerce and mammoth Trick
blocks. ChicGoo Herald.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01

An Auburn sportsman is said to
have captured an immense owl of the
arctic species while hunting in Broome
County, New York. 1t is nearly white
and huge-looking fowl, being SO COM
pletely enveloped in feathers that the
long sharp claws and hooked beak are
hardly visible.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01

"A Syracuse sleigh 100 years old is
driven by a man of eighty-five and pulled
by horse in his thirty fifth year, and it S
the only rig in that vicinity that has been
hauled up for fast driving for six years.
Boston Post.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-03-01

"A Pennsylvania man who was mean
enough TO rob his needy family of food
to buy rum was lately horse-whipped by
the vigilants A Connecticut man for a
similar offense was spanked with red
hot shovel in the hands of a squad of
indignant women ne'ghbors. .-Phila-
delphia Press.