Milford chronicle., 1883-06-15
WIT AND WISDOM.

in for protection. After that she believes
e in free trade-at the dry goods store.
THE VERY BEST thing for you to do is
to do the very best thing you know how.
This is a hard rule to follow, but safe
, one
In Paris it is the fashion to decorate the
+ legs of lap dogs with silver bracelets. If
this sort of thing continues, dogs will
soon be worth stealing.
YoUNG-AIan- Who Had His Hair Lawn
|, Nowed-on Warm-Day says that the
May of 1888 has been the most disas-
Z trous within his youthful recollection.
IT is the easiest thing in the world for
father to give his daughter a check for
s1O,O 600 on her wedding day; but it is the
hardest thing in the world for the bride
or any other person to get it cashed.
THE remains of man, with his hand
in the pocket of the remains Of another
man, have just been discovered in the
ruins Of Pompeii. He is believedto have
been pickpocket.
A MAN who named his horse 'tDrum-
mer' in hope that he would beat time.
was soon taught the error Of his ways by
another who named his horse Tramp"
so as to place him in position to beat
anything he came in sight Of.
JOAQUIN MILLER says:-"I advise YOU
if man should steal your coat here that
you proceed to give him the rest also.
Aye, your shirt, even to the undershirt,
rather than go to law in this uncertain
city of dark ways and doubtful delays
"WHAT is that with an Apron?'s
"That, my son, is a Woman" 'What
is she trying to Do?" "She is trying to,
drive Ten pullets and a Gentleman Hem
out of the Garden" "Will she do itgr
"No, my son, but she will spoil the Gar
den. "-BurliRgton Free Press.
'YoU ought to see my new dog, said
A to b. "He's one of the best Gordon
settlers L ever saw. eve got setter
that will lay over him, rejoined B.
"Bet you V you haven't" Taken,
said b. The bet is still undecided be-
cause B trotted out hen.
A GENTLEMAN in Brooklyn, n. Y, cell
ebrating the birth Of his daughter on the
day of the opening of the bridge, pro-
posed to call her Victoria, in honor Of
the Queens birthday; whereupon friend
not an Alderman suggested that more
appropriate name would be Bridget.
NATURE was wise when it ordained
hat chickens should not have teeth. If
were possible to look into a chickens
mouth and tell its age, like that of a
orse by its teeth, it would be a square
i've away on the farmer who was trying
0 palm off an old hen as a young pullet.
THIS IS THE tim of year at which the
Ixurious young man takes his girl out
] village cart in the country, and as
e points with the whip at an orchard
Ill of blossoming trees, and they are
9th looking at it with their hearts full
poetry, the horse flies across a bridge,
id the cart suddenly jumps into rut
ii of water, bounces about two yards in
e air, and fills their eyes and ears with
BANK CASHIER "Youmust have some
'dy to identify you SHanger-"Un-
rstand all that; brought this gentle
an with me for that purpose. Bank
shier-" But I don't know him. "
course not; but then I
all make you acquainted. Permit me
introduce you to my friend, Mr..
nth. There You are Now, Smith, in
duce me to your friend, please.
rHE Car of Russia once met by acci-
1t Colonel Galetsin in state of in
.iety. "Look here, sir, said the
lr, "what would You do if you met
onel Of the Guard in the condition in
ich l find you?" The Colonel drew
lself up, gave the military salute, and
lied with great gravity, Il would not
descend to say a word to the brute.
wit saved him his commission.
LADY whose husband had been elect
to Congress and who was much dis
)ed by the stories she had read of the
arious atmosphere of the capital,
I'd one of his constituents if he
lght it was safe for her husband to
in Washington. "Safe?" he re-
ed, "weIl, I should say So It's
1t the only place in the country
re man can steal with positively
isk of being sent to State Prison for
QUmER You wish to set Mr.. Snaggs
his nextdoor nrighbor to fighting.
enough. Some dark night just
load Of ashes and old oyster cans
dump them in Snaggs's back yard.
lay it to his neighbor and sling 'en
the fence. The neighborll bem mad
han candidate for Office beaten by
,ote, and viii sling EN- back. Then
IS will hum; lawsuits, pulled noses
1loody heads viii be the result and
,an sit back and see the fun. -Bos-
POST
WERE was it?1 the pilgrim said,
,htfully. Down in Salem, New
y. think the boys were telling
)out the easc in lrt in which an
boat was the prof. ty in dispute.
, you see, said one OF the Witness
owned one-third Of the boat and
lonck owned one-third. So we
Who owned the other one-third? 2
.ed the lawyer OH exclaimed