Smyrna times., 1883-04-25
The Delaware Bed.

a short time since one of the guests |
sojourning at the Delaware House was |
from New York. He was given one of |
the best rooms i'll the house and one of
Franks best, new feather beds to sleep
on. Returning to New York he gives
Puck the following humorous descrip-
| ton.
At any hotel in Delaware you can
| get II positive bed-a bed that is as
comfortable to sleep in as it is to look
upOh-in short, bed that comes up to
the description set forth in any respec-
table dictionary. 1t is not one of those
uneven mountainous things euphem.
istically called beds-those things that
shed their Stats and keep you awake
all night, and charge you ten dollars a
week for doing it-but a regular, hon
est ninety nine cents on the dollar
feather-bed. And thick-why, a Della
ware feather-bed is so thick that you
can't climb into it! You have to stand
on the bureau and jump on it. And
when you land on it you commence to
sink. And you sink, and sink, and
sing, until you think you are down in
the cellar. And you sleep so we'll and
so sound that you conclude in the
morning that you never knew what
sleeping was before.
But when the morning comes the
fun commences.
The fun consists in getting out of
that bed. You had to jump to get in
: to it, instead of having a ladder; but
= you cannot jump out of it. 1t isn't
solid enough for fOothold and if you
attempt to jump, you will only lose
your balance and fall. The fall won't
! hurt you any, unless your head comes
E in contact with the head-board. Then
. you will feel lonesome You try to
o walk off the bed, but you can't; you
q become exhausted before you reach the
: edge. 1t is like walking through q
i, swamp.
. "YOu wish there was a chandelier
i over the bed that you could grab anG
o swing from on to the floor; but there
= is no chandelier there. And you wish
!, you had a rope fastened to the door
!. knob, that you might haul yoursel
o out; but you haven't, and that is the
Q end of it, dearly beloved, and there il
2 2 no use of worrying about it.
!. Then you try to swim off; but yol
:, can't. You reach out and try to hau
= yourself up to the edge; but instead o
7 hauling yourself up to the edge, yol
"a haul about four tons of feather-beC
N down to your face.
1,ff ooh, how you do yearn and silentl!
- ! wish for good pair of Canadian snow
- shoes with spurs on them! But ther
. is no use of sighing for them, for ther
% isn't pair in town and if there was
Il; IN you couldn't secure them without frs
IL getting out of bed.
80 :, "Then you think it would be gran
idea to pull some of the feather-bed u
No from the edge, and fall over it, and sii
n yourself through the Stats; but thi
h you cannot do, because you are alread
:, :, up to your ears in feather-bed, and
oe you go to pull the edge to you, yo
- will be over your head and suffe
ID ID asphyxiation.
~ And then you sigh for your jacl
nj knife, that you may tap the bed an
~ let all the feathers run out on the foo
T. But your jackknife is in your troussr
No pocket, and your pocket is
~ your trousers, and your trousers are O
vo the chair, and the chair is by til
~ ~ window, and the window is abol
"a twelve feet from the bed, and there
W w no boat-hook in the room, and yOl
U. 'or knife might as we'll be in the ne1
- - county. This causes you to give L
is'' the idea of tapping the bed with yol
ev Jack-knlfe, and you just stand up al
he yell: Fire! Murderw and everythir
NO else you can conveniently think of.
he Then up come the bartender, al
be the porter, and the proprietor, al
nd burst open your door, because W
Tn can't open it yourself Then they loo
m for you-they try to find the poi
70 from which the noise comes. Al
he when they find where you are, tn,
mt mt pick the feather-bed up and, after fo
ire or five minutes hard work, manage
;ro shake you out of it ON the floor.
the ~ N NJ