The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-06-29
WHOLE NO. 729.
WHY WE LAUGH.
The hired girl with the dust-rag is the
chair-rub of the family.-ne Drummer.

chair-rub OF the family.-1he Drummer.
Latin is "dead language" - especially
when ar inexperienced drug clerk fools with
| t..
"a Florida man has an alligator farm"
says an exchange. BY and by this item will
read: "a farm of alligaLors has a Florida
man"
Isn't it strange that we never heard of dy-
Mantle being used in Egypt, where there are
more Nileists than anywhere else in the
| world.
People who think themselves smart go
| about asking questions like this: 'Can a rope
walk?" We say yes--when it is taut.-S. II.
| Ne1rs Letter.
White trousers will again be in style this
summer a fortunate thing for the dudes, as
they can buy them cheap at any grocery.
| MacaToni stems don't cost much.
A young lady being told al recent fire to
stand back or the hose would be turned on
| her, replied: "Oh, don't care, they are
striped on both sides, anyway Columbus
| Spectator.
"Let us pursue the subject little further"
| said the medical students at bedside of
| dying patient. So the next night they went
auu sIoIc tHe Oouy IoIh LHe SSHetciy'-ou
| lem Sunbeam.
An arIstocratic papa, on being requested by
a rich and vulgar young fellow for permls-
sion to marry "one of his girls" gave this
rather crushing reply: Certainly, which do
you prefer, the waitress or the cook?"
What trouble there would be if animals
could talk. Imagine spring chicken in a
market house saying to a giddy old maid !:
'Oh, you needn't try TO act so young; | knew
You when was first hatcbed. and You were
a mere baby then."-Phid. Ne1cs.
In cigar store: why, how is this? You
want SS for this brand and yet before the tax
was taken of you sold it for $3.50" ayes;
| you see we have to charge a little more for
| the extra trouble of remembering not to put
stamps on the boxes.-Phitodelphid Ners.
A gentleman in Brooklyn, celebrating the
| birth OF daughtre proposed to call her Vic.
| toria, in honor of the Queens birthday,
whereupon friend (not an Alderman) sug-
! gested that more appropriate name would
be ridget.-Fourth Joke Of The Net9 York
| Post.
The prince of science, having cast his eye
| over the table TO see that none of the instru-
ments are missing or misplaced. is about to
bursts ou: into lamentations. "Come, come,
my good fellow" says the surgeon, encour
aginsly, "don't take on So Try and fix your
mind on something else!'
Very rare, indeed Autiquary-H Here is
| something very rare; the identical Colts
pistols worn by the great Roland, who was
Slain at RoncesyalIes by the Turks" Gus
tomer-"But tkere web no pistols in that
day" Antiquary-''I% KNOW that, my dear
sir; that's what makes them 50 rare. ."-Hor
| pcr's Bd:dr
! Two men were standing at the kimball
! House bar when one Of the FOUNDERS came
! in for a drink. As he departed, one Of the
men exclaimed: Caesar, what nose! Did
YOU see it?" Whose nose?" !That fellow
who Just went ont; he's got a nose on him
| like beet!' That's what he Isl" senten-
tiously remarked the barkeeper Georgia
Major.
| A San Francisco professor spells potato as
follows: ughptheightteeeau," and de-
| clares il TO be correct according to the fol-
! lowing rule: "Gh stands for p, as you will
find from the last letter in hiccough. Ough
stands for 0, as in dough. Phth for t, as in
phthisis. Eigh stands for a, as in neighbor.
| TIE stand for t, as in gazette; and eau stands
for 0, as in beau" He can go TO the head.
A witty old American judge, who had
spent an evening with young lawyer in The
country, whose Office was on the second
| floor, on taking his departure stumbled on
the stairs aud fell to the bottom. The young
lawyer, hearing the noise, rushed out, aud
seeing the judge lying on his back at the
bottom of the stars, fastened down, and with
| great anxiety asked. "Is your honor hurt ?''
NO." said the judge, scrambling to his feet,
"but my legs are"
A parrot was summing itself on porch be-
side its open cage. door, when strange dog
came wandering upon the lawn. The par.
rot was first to speak. "Sick! Sick! Sick
him 7" The dog, with ears aud tail erect,
looked about for something upon which to
charge. He espied the parrot and an excit-
ing scene ensued. From out of the confused
mass of dog hair and parrot feathers came
the shrill cry "Git out D-n you, git out!'
| The dog broke for the street. The parrot,
after looking at herself from head to foot
gravely exclaimed: "Polly, you talk too
much -