davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-03-24

The young snobs Of this city are
such calves that If they were suddenly
transported to celestial world without
skylarking through the Milky Way,
they would starve for the want of suita-
BILE nourishment.-N. 2. Commercial
Advertiser.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-03-24

IA Boston lady took OF her jeWoIed
ornaments and laid them upon her
bureau. A few minutes afberWard, no
one having meanwhile entered the
apartment, she missed a valuable dia-
mond ring. Search for it was fruitless
and its disappearance mysterious until
weeks afterward, when around the body
of trap-caught mouse the missing ring
was found. It is thought the mouse had
put his nose into the ring, and, being
frightened, FASTENED to escape notice,
and that in 90 doing the ring was forced
back over the forelegs, and there it re-
manned. -Bost0n Post.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-03-24

BxIoHr days in store-when there is arush
Of customera
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1883-03-24

CoUGuA-" BroUn's bronchial Tsoches's WIN
allay the irritation and stop coughing.
Idaho semi-weekly world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1875-1908, 1883-05-04
GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY.

| Is q never.failing Cure
for Nervous Debility. Ex-
hausted Vitality. Seminal
Weakness, Spermatorr.
hma. LOST MAN.
HOOD. Impotency. Ia
rally sis, prostatorrhea.
and all the terri.
BILE effects of Sell Abuse,
youthful follies aud ex-
cesses in maturer years
as Loss ol Mem.
DRY, Lassitude, Noctur-
Idaho semi-weekly world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1875-1908, 1883-05-04

nal missions, Aversion to society, Dim
ness of Vision, Noises In the Head
he vital fluid passing unobserved In the urine
and many other diseases that lead tc insanity and
death. DR. MINTIE win agree to forfeit Five
Hundred Dollars for case Of this kind the VI
tai RESTORATIVE tunder his special advice
and treatment will not cure, or for anything I'm
pure or injurious found in It, DIR. MlNTIE
treats all Private Diseases successfully without
mercury. Consultation Free. Thorough exami-
nation and advice. including analysis of urine $500
Price OF Vital Resolutive, $500 bottle, or four
times the quantity, $1,000; sent to any address up
on receipt Of price. G. o. D.. secure Fl ON obscr-
walton, and in private name, If desired, 10y
A. E. MINTlE, M. D.
II Kearny Street, San Francisco. Cal.
DR. MINUTES KIDNEY REMEDY, NEPH.
RETICUM, cures all kinds of Kidney and Bladder
Complaints. Gonorrhna, elect, Leucorrhoea For
sale by all druggists sioo bottle. six bottles for
$500.
DIR. MINUTES DANDELION PILLS, are the
best and cheapest DYSPEPSIA and BILIOUS
cure in the market. For sale by all drus gists.
Jan. 2. 1SS0.--n
Idaho semi-weekly world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1875-1908, 1883-05-04

pENQT0NQ for Soldiers on any dis,
L u1lulUNDease, wound or injury
fees $40. Bounty, Back Pay, Discharges
lor Deserters, etc, procured. IA years eA.
perlence. Address G. M. SITES ~ Cor
oo4' f. street, Washington, D. c.
April 2, 1sS3-tf.
Idaho semi-weekly world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1875-1908, 1883-05-04

And at prices to per cent below
bur former rates.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
Just think of it, More than Seven Thousand
Bottles Of Ammen's Cough Syrup have been
sold at retail in the City of San Jose, Cali
fsrnia, within the last Two years.

Does not that prove that those who have
used 1t buy it again, and recommend it to their
friends, and that it is what we claim for 1.-THE
best remedy in the world Tor o cold or cough
and that it is rapidly becoming n ,wn and APP.
preciated, in spite of opposition from the doc
tors and druggists? And this immense sale
has been created without any humbug adver-
Using, or publishing testimonials. 1t has come
to our knowledge that certain physicians and
druggists work against and try to in,ure the
reputation of this medicine. If a druggist, he
wants to sell you something he makes himself
at the expense of few cents, or some patent
medicine upon which there is a large profit; if
a physician, he wishes You to come to him and
pay for a prescl iptinn, instead of buying bot
tie of Ammen's Cough Syrup. Now, the sim
pie facts in the case are, that we honestly be-
lieve we have the best remedy in the world for
colds, coughs AMI lung complaints. And we
hereby make this offer: We will pay 81 ,0CO. 90
in gold coin t. any physician, or board of
physicians, t, any druggist or combination of
druggists, who will furnish us a prescription
superior an eiiicacious and safe family RENE
dy. In other words. and to put the offer SO
plain that none III mistake, We challenge the
world tn produce or invent Il super ier remedy
to Ammen Cough Syrup. Ask your druggist
or dealer forit; don't suffer yourself to be fooled
or ersnaded to try something else; try it your.
self. then You will know just what it is, and
can tell your friends of it. 1t is for stle by all
the larger druggists and dealers on the Pacific
Coast and everywhere.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
A COMMERCIAL INTERVIEW.

"GO0d morning, SIR.
These words were uttered in an en-
phatic style by Il rather short man with
:, red face, large hat, gold-headed cane,
and shirt front ornimcntcd with Il single
big diamond, as he entered the Conner-
cidl Bulletin sanctum the other day,
having successfully passed the outposts
and guards against intruders.
Good morning, sir" said the com
mercial editor, stopping in the midst OF
an article on the cotton trade, and run
ming his eye hastily over his visitor.
81, sir" continued the latter, II
sir, am the head OF Il nail concern in
New York"
eyes, sir; lager or bottled"
"What?"
"Lageror imported; bottled orpale ?'
roared the editor, thinking his visitor
was deaf.
"What the deuce are YOU talking
about? ?" said the stranger, growing red
der in the face. 81 am sir, interested
in nail house in New York.
Gale house! All, Isee, Englishman
We call 'em saloons, sir, in this country
mostly kept by Germans, though. Cool
weather for beer just now, sir"
"Beer! what tie devil do | care
about beer? l came to see you about
your price quotations. am a nail man.
ufacturer"
can ale manufacturer! Beg your
pardon, but what do you charge a bar
rel? OF course we sholld quote lager
by the barrel. Been pretty good hop
season this year, hasn't it,"
"Young man, if you think yousAn
pay any Of your jokes upon me you're
mistaken; and ii you don't keep civil
tongue in your head there will he one
OF the livcliest hop seasons right here
you ever saw
"JOke," roared the man of merchan-
disc quotations; "my dear sir, the joke
man is down stairs; this is a serious
department. What is it you wish to
know about lager beer and ale, any
how"'
"Confound your lager beer and ale
l came here about the price of nails"
"Nails?"
eyes, N-A-I-L-S--nails. l told you
l was nail manufacturer"
There was a suppressed smoker from
the manufacturing editor on the other
side OF the room 4 faint ha! ha! hi
that came through the thin partition
that shut out the financial editor, as the
man of commercial quotations arose and
L
soon deep in the mysteries of ten and
twenty pennies.- Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
4 aAKAf aucCKas.

~ am sorry for you. madam" said "a
. lawyer to M old woman who had en-
tsvd his office and asked for aims.
"iIew old are YOU"
Seventy five"
Seventy five" repeated the lawyer.
I'll scems that you are quite oil enough
Ia make . snecess II yourself. Now, If
yoa were young woman, ] should not
hesitate In assisting YOU. hut being "a old
~ you ARE. u ~ your own fault that you
do nat drive around with "a double
team"
"But how, sir. explain"
els u possible that You are still max
Ing the fatal oversight. How old did
you say Why. madam. you surprise
me. t.ei sn ordinary grade II molasscs.
dilute II with swamp water. and become
.,.nefar,or II the infantile race. Man.
nfactnr soc,hing syrup. Cost You moth
Ing IA make II. and you can call ON the
editors in town and give them u few
bottles for home uac and they will pay
you In advertising. Orders will soon
cosne in and you can have an electrotype
al . venerable old woman. Mother So
and-so. You can have your hair parted
In tho oil motherly way--wcll, in short
there's u fortune for you. All, il l
could only exchange places with you"
II will do NJ" the old woman ex-
claimed, and SHE left and nj once began
10 manufacture the medicine. A few
weeks afterwards the newspapers were
hlled with the niccess IL Mother Gragle' y
soothing syrup. hut the lawyer did not
reiiest that he was the cause of the
great success until he got up at night to
give his bowling son spoonful.
Mercy how angry these men are
How they do shake their fists in each
others iacc! They call each other by
all sorss II opprobrious epithets. Will
they hill one another? Hardly. But
me II them will surely strike; and the
other. sec be will strike hack. Not a
ht II u. Why aren't they deadly enc.
mics. and aren't they terribly angry
with esch otherY u. dear, no! II you
follow them when they ~ out. you will
probably and them drinking out of the
same hottie. Then who and what are
they. pray Only . couple Of lawyers.
msts ell. OH
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

Within day or two, says Il Paris let
ter. society has been considerably inter
ested over the temperance OF the
Princess Souwarutf. This handsome
Russian lady was during many seasons
the relgniny stan at Nice and Monaco,
and was not the less remarkable on az
count of her frequent attempts to break
IT, bank. She has not been seen at
e. Ter of those places or in Paris since
II, 5. She lived SO fast here and
..a.nblcd so hcavy at Monte Carlo that
the late Gar forbade her To leave the
Empire until she repaired her fortunes.
Whether she has done So or not is more
than one can tell, hut she is certainly
back in Paris, where she has already
rented magnificent house, in which
Sh, is going to have some fun before the
writer is over. The Princess, whose
maiden name was Basilewska, was enor
mouslv wealthy when she married The
Prince Souwaroif, whose fortune was
very moderate. After few years OF
matrmony they agreed to disagree, and
an amcable separation took place. The
Prince devoted himself to travelling and
the Princess went to Monaco in search
OF excitement. She played with large
stakes, and her boldness, her GOODNESS,
and her alternate heavy losses and win
| nings were the sensation at Monte Carlo.
Every evening, when the gambling-room
closed, she entertained large party Of
guests at supper in her villa on the
Promenade dies Anglas. Some rather
| racy anecdotes are related about her,
and her many decidedly eccentric asso-
ciates gave her somewhat scandalous
| reputation.
One of these tales is that after one of
her suppers the Princess, taking off her
slipper, threw it across the room,
| whereupOn an actress of the Palais
ROYAL Theatre, who was among the
guests, picked it up, filled it with cham
pagne wine, and emptied it at a draught
to the health Of the hostess. This so
pleased the Princess that she exclaimed,
as she embraced the actress: "To-
morrow, my dear, you shall have a villa
of your own, next door to mine" This
promise was kept, and the actress has
now the slipper under glass case. a
very stylish young man, who got cleaned
out at trentc-et-quarante at Monaco,
amused himself one evening by mark
ing game for the rich Russian lady,
who, being pleased with his appearance,
accepted his services, although, he was
Il stranger That day she was heavy
winner, and when she left the table
offered this gentleman Il thousand-iranc
note in So delicate Il manner that Il re-
fusal was impossible. The next day the
same transaction was repeated, and
again and again during the whole week
Then luck turned against the Princess,
and the strange gentleman placed his
purse at her disposal. who accepted his
offer, and was soon able To pay off the
loan with interest. This gave rise TO a
sort OF partnership, and at the end OF
the season her cavalicrc scrvante left
Monaco with Il clear profit OF $40 900.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

rar thnesc government has Il ccnsr-

Ghr hsnesc government has census
svstriu, not BY any means SO exact Is
ours. nor : II taken ike ours, At certain
fixed periods. The direct object OF the"
census il mere military than civil.
Each family is called upon to report, by
tablets provided for the purpose, the
number Of its male members of the aye
for military service, that is, from SIX
teen To sixty From the number OF
tins class 80 reported the whole number
III the population may he quite nearly
Appropriated 10y assuming gwen
reasonable proportion of this class To
the whole, usually one-iiith. And being
| thus enrolled as liable to military duty,
IT j. not likely that the various families
would exceed the actual number i'll
their cnrollments. BY their census of
1872. calculated on this basis, their
| population amounted to Ala $3.50, 994 =.
| \ later census, taken in 1856, made
their population, III round numbers,
| 400 900 900, an increase of about 30
600 900, a little over eight per cent in
fourteen years, which is less than one
fifth of our ratio Of increase. Those
European doubters have no data to
contradict all this.
| Moreover, it is well-knOwn that
China is a densely populated country.
They have cities Of millions and many
towns Of hundreds Of thousands. The
land is filed with them, and even its
waters are swarming with a boat popula-
ton. The city of Canton has $4,000
registered boats, upon which whole
families live ~ their home. Being thus
densely populated We have only to con.
slider what il the area over which this
population extends. Including its trib.
utary provinces, China has tie largest
area Of contiguous territory OF any nation
on the globe, except Russia, being
3 80 900 square miles. True, some OF
this includes more sparsely populated
districts, rs in the Tartar provinces.
Now. the larger number, that dis
credited 10y Europeans, viz: four hun
drcd and fifty millions of population il
this territory, would he not quite eighty
six persons to the square mile; and the
lesser number, two hundred and fifty
million, would be but about forty-eigh
persons to the square mile. Compar,
this with the density of population il
Germany, two hundred to the square
mile, or in France, one hundred ano
eighty to the square mile, and even thu
larger number of the Chinese population
does not reach one-half the density o
the European countries. And China il
quite as fertile and vastly older thar
they. Had China the same population
to the square mile that Germany has
her number would exceed one thousan,
/, million. But less than one-half of tina
gives China the four hundred and fit,
million that Europe discredits, evel
while admitting that China is densel,
populated. Certainly, the population
of China is not ascertained with tn,
cxactness of ours; but there is II,
ground whatever for this European de
NAL of SO great a population. On TIN
contrary, all the data go to confirm tn,
fact Of that great number as embrace,
within that ancient and populous EN-
| pire
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
NOBODY CAN DENY.

Consumers can depend upon THE NEW
ENGLAND BAKING POWDER ~ being
exactly a. represented. Il is Cream Of Tartcr
and Bi-Csrbonite Of Soda If perfect purity,
scientifically combined: NOTHING ELSE.
The price Of the NEW ENGLAND BAK.
ING POWDER justifies the use % the very
best materials Consumers pay = fair price for
the best and get it.
1t is elf.evidoEt that Baking Powders rss,
resented to be composed Of the same matcriais
a. the NEW ENGLAND. and which are sold
to dealers at less than the pure materials them.
selves are worth, cannot 10 pure
The large demand for NEW ENGLAND
BAKING POWDER, and couse', tent falling
of in the sales Of adulterated and inferior pow
ders, has developed spitefulness on the part
of some manufacturers and dealers. Finding
that the quality Of the NEW ENGLAND
cannot he successfully attacked. new brand.
and close limitations, represented H. he ~ good,
are put on the market. With these they en-.
deavor t. tempt dealers with low prices, and
thus impose on consumers.
Sec that the nAmo NEWTON BROS. Z CO.
is ON every can
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
ADVERSE TO A MISCELLANEOUS CROWD

II was in Chicago, of course, though
for that matter it might have been in
any city II Connecticut or Massachu-
sctts.
"Will you 90 to the ball, this eve?"
he inquired.
"Not this eve," she replied, certain
ly in not the most gracious manner
possible; and then she added, "S'mother
eve. possibly"
"But Mrs. Stockyards Porcine GER
tainly sent you an invitationu'
''Oh. yes, of course: but l felt
obliged Ia present my compliments and
regrets"
"Well, il you amt funny woman
The soiree will be one of the most
fashionable and select given on the west
side, this season.
81 suppose so, but still do not want
10 90"
Private reason ,eh ~
well, il you must know, all of my
divorced husbands have been invited,
and ! don't wish to mix promiscuously
in such miscellaneous crowd"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

r. .I..., .. .... f.4..i O... .''
v.r. ,.u.. ..t .H. ...a'.
Nhn la.. - IS
., tcAi'
"Seo.' adj # nN lonely cant Il
thou ~i,i place MY hand IA nine and
say. dear love. I'll br ia, hrdc, well
~ ava, ~ ~pin" lar rcalu-w" u t'N I"
SUM, Italy. ani urh,h -oi,. '"rnl"an
ski.r We'll hask AMI sing. and dream
al nsugh, bat love kich and costly
painting hy "li maAtars shall alurn the
walls ui W." ta-tl" II give thee. Thy
hath shall l~ oi milk. \ hoS a the
oI~ra -hall lc AT thy command. and
ruyali, shall l"i hN lailv visitor. sweet
strains If mu-i, -hall lull thee ~ even
i,l". aui Narhhnr lurd- shall wake thee
from thN mutning rlumhrr l'"-t thou
accept Say vrr. aud Nv. oh fly with
me
And ! flew % sad Mrs ropr"rman.
"But II had hrrn ~ nv ~ | am now ,
wouldn't have h"~n
why net irar 800
why no, Have Won done ~ YOU
promised IN that letter When We were
married lid 49, 'tly Ia sunny Italy aud
bssk meath -nft rrrulean skies. or did
We ~ io IIoboken AMI spend two weeks
fishing foF cells on the edge Of the
wharf
We'll. yes
And how about the pictures? fou
know very we'll that every rich and
costly painting this house IL chrome
from the tea store. -
well"
Thy bath shall i~ 81 milk DO |
battle In milk. ar IN II like pulling
teeth every morning 10 get ten cents
ont of you Ia huy milk for the baby"
kinder -
Royalty shall bc thy daily visitor.
Tie only daily visitors have ara the
hpok, agents and clam yeddlers.
"'Taint my fault"
"'s~eet strains II music shall lull thee
o, eventide.' The only chance have "a
listen Ia sweet strains 81 music il when
you and W. out walking nj night and
follow a monkey and a hand-organ
around the block.
ooh. am So sleepy"
III don't care " YOU are. Where are
the warhling birds You promised me
I hear Mrs. Maginis' Growing rooster,
next door every morning. Perhaps the,
are what you meant"
Well, never mind"
"Bu, I will mind. 4 was to have
l,ox q, the opera Where IL il? TIL,
only time go Ia an opera IN when yo'
", bill-Iros,ers' tickets Ia dime mu
scam."
"it'a too hal -
~, In really too bad. And then yo'
said we'd talk and dream Of naught In
love. sinrc ! married Won we've talke,
sni dreamt II naurht hut rent Good
night. sif. AMI Mrs, roppcrinan turnc,
ou, the gas and jumped into bed, lcavin
Mr.. roppcrmsn Ia bark his shin
against The bureau In trying Ia crop
IA he'd IN the dark.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

...,. ..,,,.-.c. 20" - .iV.,- III 80
lhiu,- l'.,2iltcly unr.i.. ) i'll br.n.; stared
Al by Il dull, dU~Ay. l-uddy little lace
with reddish hair. rather light eyes,
cnoynous bluhher lip. and protruding
stomach propped upon spindl~-s.anks.
with the leg in the middle al tie loot.
The two types do not a>similatc. There
are perhaps few countries under English
rule where To marry and TIE gwen III
marriage is considered 50 superinous an
affair. Fresh from home, it is rather a
shock on reading the local papers to
see announcements made quite naivcly
and as matter of course that with us
would he concealed not only till death,
but long after: "Thc friends and ac-
quaintances OF Mr. W. 7. Taylor are
requested to attend the remains ui his
mother, Miss Mary Cole, from his
residence, No. ) Lower East street, To
the place OF interment at / 80 this even
ing. Please let Your carriage attend.
Returning the cali oil Il visiting acquaint-
ance once, | was presented with much
formaltv to "my wife'S mother, Miss
Barnes" and received with aifahility by
a starchcd saftrontnted female Of
severe aspect. Among the lower orders
q stray child or two comes as an acci-
dental occurrence, and it is the mother,
poor thing, who has to bring it up and
feed it; beyond this its wants are few !;
| one little ragged shirt per annum, Il
corner under the bed, tuck-out OF vam
and mealie per diem, and a bit OF sugar
cane to suck at, is all they ever get. A
wedding is far too expensive an affair
to be entered upon lightly; everything
must he en- regie, or not at all; thus
it is often put off from year TO year,
| because 80 is required for stiff white
corded silk for the swarthy bride, and
another fl0 for expenses, none OF which
is forthcoming. The brides attire in a
general way does not suggest a neces-
sity for such splendor; a black cotton
garment, washed and worn to dirty
green, together with gay turban
smelling much OF cocoanut-oil, usually
adorns her person: but it is the custom,
and they will not be persuaded that to
hoard for long years, only to squander
all on the wedding day, is wasteful and
ridiculous. Many good clcigymcn never
take marriage fee, hoping thereby to
encourage weddings.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
HOW CRUFr KICKED.

lie was down on the market yester-
day morning with basket on his arm,
and was higgling over the price OF
celery when a stranger walked up to
him with extended hand and said:
Morning, Mr.. Cruft, Howdy do%'
GOOD morning." slowly responded
the other. "You have the advantage
Of me-
"My names Deck-William Deck.
Used to live in Chicago"
eyes"
"You used to live in Toledo, eh?"
"Yes, SIR"
WAS divorced from your wife there,
wasn't you?"
"W-what do you mean?'
40, come now-no beating around
Che bush over n trife. Her name wa.
Mary, and you got a divorce on the
ground of cruelty"
"Sirv' exclaimed Cruft as he drew
himself up.
80, that's all right, but want to ask
you about Mary. Did she have fits Of
temper when you lived with her?"
"Sir! I'll knock you down."
"l'et you three to one you can't knock
one side Of me down; but that's all
right. Did she complain OF neuralgia
when she lived in Toledo?"
"This il too much, sir" roared
Cruft
"tiammon. Don't get nervous and
drop your basket. Three months after
the divorce Mary came to Chicago. We
met, loved and got married. That's all
there in TO it, except We live here now
and she's over there buying a fish.
Come over and get an introduction"
"You scoundrel" gasped Cruft, as
he tried to find a place to drop his
basket.
"Bosh! Don't be such an old kerr
funk! Mary hasn't got nothing agin
you, except that you were always eat
ing onions and shutting catarrh reme-
dies. Say, come up to dinner with US. ~
"Never. &c away or I'll murder
you"
"Pooh! you couldn't murder one Of
my thumbs! Say, did Mary use to
snore when she was your wife? Shores
like bass drum now. Say, Cruft,
haint nothing agin you. Let's be
partners"
"Pll partlner you'll" screamed Cruft
m he rushed at him with extended
claws and sought to grasp his throat.
"what an old cabbage-head you are ~
retorted the other, and picking the old
man up he tossed him over the stand
among the boxes and baskets, and
walked off with the remark:
GAN bosh for man to paw around
and kick up the dust in this way just
because married his divorced wife.
Next time catch him he'll either come
up :" dinner or I'll lick him like cats
AMI dogs"