Smyrna times., 1883-03-28
WHOLE NO. LAG.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING XEwz


rom Madagascar is RavOniphitriniariyo
put his mother always called him
Ravoninhitrin' for short
What is women's sphere :" To be
nathematically correct. We suppose
sphere is being always round
when you want her, and sometimes
when You don't want hoy
What furniture can give sucn finish
to a room as a tender woman's face -
George What indeed and vet when
a woman wants a new parlor set thar
won't work worth q cent
Railroad building has been nucu
simplifed of late years. All you have
TO do nowadays is to issue bonds, build
the road, sell i; to 4 competing line.
pay off the bonds and divide the profits
His failure to get 4 pair OF trousers
to fit him 10 his taste has weighed s.
heavily upon the mind Of President
Arthur that his health IS seriousll
affected, and he will buy 4 fishing pole
and go to Florida TO Iecupcratc
Rev. Joseph Cook says that under
the sacredness of the betrothal t.e.
Hindoo woman is lower than q slave
if her spouse dies 1t is different in
this country. Here, in too many ease.
she is lower than a slave as long ls her
spouse lives.
The general passenger agents have
passed a resolution that doctors Ger
tifcate must accompany every corpse
carried on the trunk-line railroads Il
is thought that this will prevent peo-
pie from travelling in cottins in order
to escape the crush at the narrow gauge
/ gates Of the Broad--t.ect station
Over thirteen millions of dollars IN
United States fractional currency have
never been presented for redemption.
The wag who some years ago sugges,-
ed that the full amount of the national
debt be issued in paper currency anu
allowed to wear out was a bigger sJate,-
man than the world gave him credit
for.
Many Philadelphia business men
now use type-writers, and not long ago
q wholesale house sent letter of this
kind to a small dealer in the far West
The Western man returned it with the
Indignant comment: 81 Just want YOU
to understand that l ain't no school
boy can read writin' as good as any
one.'
1t is said that Gladstone can 60 TO
sleep under any circumstances. No
wonder he is great. \ man who can
drop off to sleep as soon as his head
touches the pillow and not be walked
up by the yells of his offspring or the
S noise of his wife, walking with it all
a night, has no excuse for not being
great.
Heard in the suburbs: Good morn
q ing, Mr.. Blank Pa told me to bring
o. back your snow shovel, which he bOr-
r rowed last Fall, and says he will be
: very much obliged if you would lend
: him your spade and rake and wheel
4 barrow. He says he will send the
7 spade back in time 10 borrow your
~ lawpmOwer.
J. A medical writer says that more
|" progress has been made by medicine
y during the past hundred years than
T during the previous one thousand
l. years. This is no doubt true. One
% hundred years ago the doctors thought
e. they knew it all. Now il is extremely
Is difficult to find two physicians who will
"a agree ON any subject.
70 In running an engine the waste Of
=, fuel is enormous. Much, however,
= could be saved if the railroad compa-
MES would invent some kind of =
II machine to brush the clothes and wash
g the eyes of the passenger as they leave
90 the ears. The piles of coal dust which
would thus be accumulated could then
be shoveled back into the engine.
n A lady of experience observes that a
e. good way to pick cut husband is to
us see how patiently the man waits for
n dinner when it is behind time. If the
'Ie object is to get good natured husband
re this plan would be good one, but the
Sc probability is that a man who has not
no enough energy to protest when his
1st valuable time is thus wasted, wOn'i
M have energy enough to provide wife
M with anything to cook for dinner.
I'D
to It is said that David Davis, who has
M Just become a husband, weighs Ovel
Ter three hundred pounds If there evel
in comes period in the gentleman's lif'
,th when he will wish he was an old bach
de- elOr, or had been born a living skele
of ton, it will be when he returns hom'
lse from an alleged political caucus at mid
he night, and attempts to ascend the stair
.rn without making them creak like stag
of thunder Lightweight married men
led who have tried to perform the feat
fts. can sympathize with Mr.. Davis awfu
ess predicament at such a moment.
red
~. 1t takes four ladies of the bedeham
.es- Der, every one of them must be peer
ess. eight common ladies OF the bed
chamber and twelve bedchambe
women to put Queen Victoria to bed
ich But it must not be supposed that a
4 a take part in the Preliminary process
its They just hang around until she be
, is comes comfortable and then, one b
,rly one, are sent off by the queen On littl
but errands such as opening stove door