davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16
HUMOROUS.

A continued story in an amateur
journal opens as follows; ''Will you tell
me where my collar-b button is?'
Never Then you must die"-M
\. JOa3Y1al
-"Please to give me something, sir?"
says an old woman. II had blind
child; he was my only means of subsist-
ence, and the poor boy has recovered
his sightr'
why must we mourn for vanished
light?" asks a poet. 1t may be owing
to the fact that it has been cut off at
the meter, because of the failure to pay
an old gas bill. 1t sometimes happens
that way. NorrtstooOn Herald.
A ''sasiety" gushcr, in telling
where she was going for the summer,
said: I'm going to Newport, and I'm
going to take my maid, my nurse, my
two dogs, my children, and-and, oh,
yes, my husband. IN Y. Ne1Os.
Will Wash
married my wife for her beauty;
She married me for my-wit,
That got the best of the bargain
I'm candid enough to admit.
Wit often subsidies into drivel,
That beauty soon fades" is all bOSh;
My wife is to-day at the wash-tub,
So I'm certain that beauty will wash.
-Bmfalo Ne,cs.
Plantation Philosophy.-Honesty is
gettin' scarcer cherry year case dare is
more people ter peryide. Pleasures
decrease as da come near us. De fish
is heap bigger fore yer gifts it outen
de water. De injurious in dis worl' is
alters de fanciest. De brandy-bottle is
fixed up finer den de bread tray. A
well-fed nigger is de happiest man in de
worr. 1t doan make no diff ence bout
clothes, but gin him some hog, an den
take care.--ArkanSdU Traveller.
A New York schoOlma am COM
plains that too much favoritism is
shown by the school trustees. She SAYS
pretty teachers are promoted to the
exclusion of their palmer sisters, al
though the latter may be more intelli-
gent. Twas ever thus. The pretty
teacher is also frequently promoted to
the position of wife to the exclusion of
the homely teachers-and about year
after marriage she wishes she were sin
gle and teaching the fourth class in the
primary department. Norrtst0son Her.
aid.
A friend of mine, who dabbles con-
siderably in stocks, walked into we'll
known banking-house the other day,
and created considerable excitement BY
remarking: II got pretty good thing
when l bought that, last winter. It
was at thirty-for then, and to-day it
stands at ninety-five." "Well, l should
say SC" exclaimed the senior partner.
"But what stock was it," 1T was a
thermometer" coolly replied my
friend. 1t didn't cost the boys any
thing for lemonade that day.-Bostos
Times.
Mrs. W is character in a
certain country village. A few days
ago she met a lad driving a fine load of
hay to market. She stopped him, in
quired Inequality and price of the hay.
and, after much deliberation, ordered
the boy to drive his horse into her
yard. The place was rather strait for
the wagon to enter, but he finally
managed to drive in, and prepared to
unload. Looking up to the lad, who,
pitchfork in hand, was about to toss of
the hay she said. with great simplicity;
You may give me about enough for
hens nest; I've been wanting 1t for
some time. Detroit Post,
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16
Temperance.
IFHY STAY ~ THE LOHL4NDs.

WY STAY IN THE LOULANDS
Suggested 10y Temperance aGdr. 8; dcliy
cred 10y Francis Murphy, the Eluc- Ribbon
O.atOr.
Why sit in the dark damp lowlands,
pCrging through bindiny m.St~s
Why gropc your way through c.tscrng
Which the sunbrams ne Cr have Hiss ZIP
Why do ] hear you signing,
As II al hope had fled.
And litc- proud a<piru ions
Within your hcar.s wcTa dCAIs
know the reason, brothers,
You in the lowiandS stay:
You're the weak. ytI wiling c iPtNvs--
the uurcsisting prey
of - subtle, mighty demon,
Who leads you at his W II,
And holds you down in the darkness
lis the serpent of the still"
Why dwell in the vale of danger,
n Ter the serpent spell,
Why, ii~tlrSs. float on the current
Whose swift flood leads TO hcliE
Why for naught your life blood barto.
\ nd stain with guilt your soul:
Why look toward an end of TuiI
In place of Il glorious goal:
Come NJ. men from the lOwlandS
Assert your Godiikc powers;
March up tn" hill OF triumph.
Dwell mid perennial flowers!
The trumpet of God is calling.
Our Captain. Christ, leads on;
Soon. soon. will the mists and darht.-.s,
Give way to golden dawn.
4 h-S. H. HoWc J. u bctroh Pos, ard Tribune
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16
I SCREAM.

Tell us not in mournful numbers
That this life Is but dream,
when Il girl that weighs one hundred
Gets outside quart of cream
And then wants more.
-E1mird Gazette.
Life is real. life is earnest,
And the girls know what they need,
But on cream they are the biggest
Set to show their grit and greed.
" " y. Times
Ec.nnt like dumb. driven cattle,
Re n hero in the strife:
Never with her mother battle,
Save the icc-crcam for your wife.
Brooklyn Edglc.
Let MS then bc UP and doing,
with heart for any fate;
Rut never let us go a-wOOing
Girls that want another plate.
llOwS that
-Neriden Newsboy.
Lives of such girls all remind us,
As We float adown the stream,
That the boys who come behind us
Will have to pay for lots of cream.
Next.
-YOntcrs Statesman.
And. departing, leave another
Bill for unpaid plates of cream.
which. perhaps, some fOrlorn brother,
Seeing. may take heart again.
Aud get trust also.
". Y. +. r. journal.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow
l. our destined end or way;
But to treat, though cash we borrow,
Deserted when we cease TO pay.
Don't il
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16


ONE OF OUR BOYS had been very i'll
and became much reduced in flesh. His
mother prepared a milk punch with y
teaspoonful of brandy in it. He raised
the cup to his mouth, but smelling it.
said: Mother, what made you put tha;
stuff in my cup? Papa drinks it, but
never mean to touch it." No amount
of persuasion could make this boz
change his purpose. He had drunken
father, and the evil example made him
despise the source of the misery he Saw
at his own wretched home. We were
glad to be able to provide suitable not1-
ishment for this invalid without the al
coholic stimulant. Very much of the
misery, poverty, suffering and crime
among the poor families from which oul
children come is caused by intemper-
ance. The State law in Michigan has
made the teaching of Temperance in tho
schools compulsory, and we feel thai
the time will come when other States
will follow this example. New Hamp-
shire. we believe. has adopted it. This
course of instruction will be of infinitely
greater value to Che children, as they
grow up, than a mere knowledge of
books. N. 4. Smith, IN 4dU0cdte and
Guardian.
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16

WE TAKE INFINITE PAINS to make
clear to the young in our schools the
boundary and government of some pet
ty kingdom in a far-off continent, and
TO point out some dangerous maelstrom
in a distant sea, but leave them in utter
ignorance of the kingdom within them,
of the necessity of self-control, and of
the whirlpools which form their danger
Gus environment. The Education De-
partment look upon the three RS as
sufficient to censure the stability and
grandeur of the Empire. utterly oblivi-
Gus of the fact that Temperance,
Thoughtfulness and Thrift are the es-
sential elements of Nations veal, and
as such ought to be specially inculcnted
in our training colleges and elementary
schools. s.-E1changs
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16
STANDING ADVERTISEMENTS.

drink. Trey will associate with nobler
mcn and moe excellent women, will
win the rc,pc ard confidence Of the
best pcop,e and avoid thousand traps
an saarrs which otherwise might pro-
vide them with abundant store of
shameful. torturing memories.-Sa~
F'run~isc RcScUe.
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16

The tricks of smugglers are ingeni-
Gus, but not past finding out. A pass
enger who arrived at New York from
Havana recently carried three overcoats
on his arm. A Customs Inspector was
seized with the idea that it was rather
warm day for such an unusual amount
of clothing, and an investigation found
the Innings of the coats contained one
thousand dollars worth of jewelry,
which was declared forfeited to the Gov
ernment. ~ Y. Tribune.
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16

covered his breath than he said 10 the
clerk who came forward:
"I've always thought if l ever got
time to call in here ID ask you if it was
true that Henry VIII. invented Sara
toga fried potatoes?'-DetrOn Free
prpSS
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16
The Penalty Must Be Paid.

Dr. Andrew Mcfarland writes thus:
ut is your stout old hero who goes to
bed every night with liquor enough
under his belt to fuddle the brains of a
half dozen ordinary men, and yet lives
out his three-Score years and ten, that
will be found at the head of the stock
that pour into the world, generation
after generation, such crop of lunatics,
epileptics, eccentrics and inebriates as
we often see, The impunity with which
one SO constituted will violate al phys
ical law gets its set-off in succeeding
generation, when the great harvest be-
gins. That the iniquities of the father
are visited upon the children, that the
fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the
ohildren's teeth have been set on edge,
are truths that no Scripture is needed
to teach; in other words, he who sins
through physical excess does not do half
the harm to himself that he does to the
inheritors of his blood. The penalty
must be paid as surely as there is seed
time and harvest"
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16

1t is said the mailing system of the
United States is the most complete and
perfect in the world. As an illustra-
tion, Mrs. j. p. Pond, of Napa, Cal, a
few days since had returned from the
dead-letter office letter written by her
husband sixteen years ago to a friend in
San Francisco San Francisco ChrOfs-
icke.
The Brookhaven leader., 1883-08-16

If one objects to wet toast. the
edges only of the slice may be dipped
in boiling water before the toast is but
tered. and it will then be more tempt
ing and eatable than il perfectly dry
AZ Y Post.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
BEN WOOD.
Distinguished ala Muss with n
Bear-The Excursion All Right.

D1StlDSutsne ArrlSai-A nus WIN u
Bear-The Excursion All Right.
General Warren, a member of Congress
from Ohio, Familiarity known under the
sobriquet of "Silver Bill" was in own yes.
terday, viewing the mechanism OF the pile
driver on the p, ". & Ky. extension.
Pay day at the Benwood iron works, to.
day.
The nOmac Turks, with their dancing
bears, were the entire of attraction yeSter.
day. AS they were performing in the Cen.
ter ward, near Mr.. Sinclair's drug store,
they were surrounded hy a large crowd of
men, women and children, principally the
last, one of the bears attaCked a man, throw.
ing him to the gr, und and tearing and
sOlling his wearing apparel, but fortunate.
iy doing 10 further injury.
Mr.. Alex. Caldwell Was up from his farm
Yesterday.
Jno. Harrington. one of the marshal's
deputies, is collecting last years taxes.
Our remarkable friend, Mr.. +. o. Ell.
wards, is abroad in the municipal district
assessing tina dogs.
Some persons who had purchased tickets
for the Odd Fellows excursion to Parke rs.
burg expressed themselves as being doubt
full as to its being select, and thought they
would not exCurt. So We looked up the
committee and they informed us that there
is no question about that matter, and that
no parties have purchased tickets but those
for whom they can vouch, and that they
have refused tickets to dozens whose moral
mercury falls below the mark.
Your scribe made the enquiry to satisfy
the unsatisfied or doubtful, knowing full
well the high character of the order Of Old
Follows
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
THE GAS ELL.
The Flow Not Satisfactory, and the
Work of Drilling Resumed.

The Flow Not Satisfactory, and the
work of Drilling Resumed.
The new gas we'll at the Central glass
works was the centre OF attraction for resi-
dents Of the East End, yesterday, and all
day long curious sigbtseers wendell their
way to McCulloch street to see what was
being done. The flow Of gas continued all
day, the volume being about the same as on
Thursday, but was far from being adequate
to the needs of the company. The jet which
was ignited ON Thursday evening was al
lowed to burn until about seven o'clock
Yesterday morning, when 1t was ex-
tinguished, but was relighted about two
hours later for a few minutes. II was d
decided that the shaft must be sunk fur
Their, and preparations were at once made
10 resume work. .
The first thing to be done was to conduct
the flow of gas ont of the way Of the work
men, and the floor of the derrick being
torn up around the drive tube, an opening
was cut in the tube about three by
eight inches in dimensions, a few
feet from the surface of the ground,
a three.inch pipe being attached and run
out to tie creek bank. A steam syphon
was then connected with the pipe, about
its centre, and the top of the well being
plugged, the steam was turned on about
. O'Clock last night. The syphon had The
effect of not only drawing off the gas
through the escape pipe, but created a
strong downward draught through the top
of the d~rive-tube when the plug was re
moved, and thus effectively relieved the
men at work of its presence. The gas
was ignited as it issued from
the escape pipe, and by its glare the men
worked all night. A couple Of hours were
occupied in sharpening the drill, and it
was nearly midnight when the work Of
drilling was resumed. How much deeper
the shaft will have to be sunk it is, Of
course, impossible to tell, but it is hoped
that when the ledge Of rock now being
worked in is perforated the flow will be
considerably augmented.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
He Repeats the Remark.

"WW Jon please repeat that remark, Mr.
Mathison?-
Turning 20 as to look your representative
squarely in the face, the head Of the hou Of
Soren Mathison & Co., Pharmactsts, No. Is02
State street, Marble Block. Chicago, replied:
"Yes, sir, with pleasure. Ny remark wasthat
we consider Psrker,tGinger Tonic now called
Parker's Tonic, the best article Of It's kind In
the market. Our sales for the last nil months
tell the whole story and settle the question
The Tonic, Ike a good dinner, carries its own
recommendation With IL. It's boundt &c sweep
the West like q prairie on ire In cases OF
rheumatism, dyspepsia and liver and kidney
troubles II scores success n wins friends
every day"
Hiscox q Z (. beg to call publls attention TO
the fact that hereafter Parker Ginger Tonic
will be advertised and sold simpiS under the
nan Of Psrkers Tonic. We make this
change for the reason that unpFincipLed deal
en- are constantly deceiving their customers
by substituting inferior preparations under
the name Of ginger; and o ginger h really an
unimportBnt Eavoring ingredisnt vi drop
the misleading word.
There Is n change, however, in the pre-.
| PARTON itself, n all bottles In the handl
OF dealers, wrapped under the name of Park
ers Ginger Tonic. contain the genuine medi.
cine II the facsimile signature OF Hiscox a
Co. is st the bottom Of the outside wrapper.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
HALE IN HOOK.
me Bogus n. ID. with the ss,se0 Zane
. I'm q BoX.

The Begas II. ID. with D es.5oO Cane
In . Box.
Cart. Bennett, yesterday morning, re.
ceived q telegram from the Chief Of Police
of Toledo, o., stating that DR.. W. z. Hale,
"of Edinburgh, Scotland fame, whose
career in this city bad such q brillisHt open
ing and such . disgrscefuI close, had been
arrested in that city on q charge Of ciFcula-
ting questionable literature. The news
quickly spreadAmong the medical frassgn-
ity of tile city, and occssioned muchs re.
joicine that the fraud had been at last .
down and captured. At one O'CLOCK thSs
morning the following special telegrsH
was received from Toledo:
Special Dispatch to the Register.
ToLEDo, o, June CIV. II. Hale and
one Saul, two quack doctors, gave free lee.
tures here all last week, and were arrested
Wednesday on the affidayits OF citizens for
uttering and distributing obscene litera-
ture. Said matter appeared in a monthly
called Health and Home, which contained
an advertisement of female pills which the
ladies were cautioned not to use il in an
interesting condition as they would
Of Ohio severally Furnishes such
ofenses. After their arrest they were lib
Grated on putting up bail to the amount OF
500 each. Their trial begins tomorrow in
the police court, and as our best physicians
have the matter in hand and have employ
ed the best attorneys to assist the city
prosecutor. it will go hard with them. A
fine of one thousand dollars and six months
imprisonment is what the law imposes If
full sentence is given. =,
1t is to be hoped that full sentence riH
be given, and the ~rascals taught a lesson
they will be slow to forget.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
WHO HELPS THE POOR.
Allegations Of Neglect OF Duty Against
County Physician Wilson.

A case was reported from the South ~
yesterday, which, if true, should be inves-
tigated. In an alley between Twenty-third
and Twenty. fourth streets resides a widow
named Virest, with a family Of three small
children. Her husband died of diphtheria
a few weeks ago, leaving her
in destitute circumstances The wo.
man was in a delicate condition and
early yesterday morning, feeling the pains
of labor coming Oh, she sent a note to DR.,
Wilson, the county physician, who is paid
for attending the poor, to come and render
medical aid. This, it is alleged, the doc.
tor refused to Ito, when Mrs. Nlrent sent a
note 10 Commissioner Cpmeford and that
gentleman, it is reported, sent a written
order to d.. Wilson to attend the case.
The doctor still RETAINED from going,
and as the patients condition was
very precarious, some ladies', vino
had volunteered their aid, after a
consultation, sent one Of their number to
DR.. Alderman with the request to come to
the sick Noman's bedside, which was at
once responded to. and a bouncing pair OF
twins, both boys, were soon ushered into
the world. An effort was made to see DR..
Wilson yesterday, but he could not be
found.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
SERIOUS ACc1pExr.
A Lady's Arm Broken-Whe 70 %
BlameS

a Lndy's Arm 10 20
Blamef
For the past two days q score Of work.
men under the supervision of the gas com.
missioners, have been engaged in laying q
three.inch gas main on Fourteenth street,
east from Wood street. 1t is alleged that
the workmen have been careless in hang
ing out the red lights prescribed by the law
governing the Board OF Public Works, and
fears have been expressed that some team
or carriage passing along the street after
dark would fall into the ditch. Hearing
this, a member OF the Board OF Pubic
Works yesterday notified the commission.
ers that the law must be strictly complied
with, and that a proper number Of red
lights must be placed at the ditch and a
barricade erected.
1t is alleged that this warning was not
needed, AID last evening" buggy was pre-
tipitated into the ditch and a lady occu-
pant sustained serious injuries.
About half past eight O'Clock Curtis
Brown, a fourteen year old son of Sheriff
Brown, was returning from a drive out the
pike, his mother and a lady friend being in
the carriage with him. Coming down
McColloch street they turned down Four.
tenth and drove leisurely along until the
east end Of the cut was reached, where a
s ngle red light was hanging from an up
right board. Passing this no other lights
were noticed, and, being unaware
of the extent of the ditch, Cur
tbs drove too close to it,
and the wheels going over the
edge, Mrs. Brown and her friend were
thrown out. The latter escaped with a
few unimportant bruises, but Mrs. Brown
sustained a fracture of the right arm, above
the elbow, and was otherwise bruised. She
was carried to her residence on Thirteenth
street, and Drs. Stifel and Wilson were sum-
moned, who reduced the fracture. The
buggy was badly demolished.
The Board OF Public Works are in no
wise to blame for the occurrence, they hav-
ing notified the Gas Commissioners to take
all necessary precautions.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
Utterly WORN OFT
ST, CLAIRSyILLE.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Paying Up-Ma-
sonic Picaic az Flushing-HOw the
Nomination IL Received.

sonic Picaic az FInshing-HOw the
NOmInaIiOn il Received.
On Thursday morning Benz. c. Humphrey
started to drive to his farm near town
accompanied by his sister and a young lady
named Jennie Davis. When near Mellor' ;
greenhouse, on the pike, 4 dog jumping
over the fence frightened the team, which
became unmanageable and upset the car
riage, throwing the occupants in every di
rection. The carriage was considerably
damaged, but fortunately the occupants
were not badly injured. The horses jumped
the fence and were captured in a corn field,
after running some distance.
All Of the los saloon keepers, reported
by the Assessors to be doing business in
this county, have paid their assessment
under the Scott law, or secured it, with
possibly two exceptions. They all paid
under protest, OF course. The amount put
in the county treasury by them is a little
less than &c., 900.
Hope Commandery F. x A. NJ, OF this
place, all in full uniform, headed by the
ST. Clsirsville cornet band, will attend the
Masonic picnic at Flushing to-day. A
large number Of other citizens will also at.
Chu nAAahSChlChNS laNC bCC AAlSC
with the Northern Company to run a
special train to Barton, leaving here at
$40 A. M, to connect with the excursion
on the C.,.L 4 W. road. A big time is an.
ticipsted. X. NJ. Easton, Esq, OF this
place, is one of the orators for the ocCa-
sion. BY special request Of Flushing
Lodge, Col. J. +. C~harlesworth, of this
place, will act as marshal of the day.
The nomination of Hoadlsy for Governor
is received with much satisfaction by a
large number of the Democrats here, who
are enthusiastic o1er the splendid prospects
OF a successful campaign this fall, with the
Judge as the standard bearer. Yet there
are some who would rather have seen that
modest old Roman of ali Allen G. Thur.
man, at the head of the ticket. Gen. Dur
bin Ward had also a large number OF
friends here, probably being the first
choice of 8 larger number than Hoadly.
but all wheel into line with q will to do
battle with the common enemy. The rest
of the ticket was also we'll received, al
though We would like to have seen our
own candidate, VIM. y. Cortland, nomin-
ated for State Auditor.
Ex-Iudge O'Key,o of Woodsield, has,,been
in attendance at court the past week.
A. p. Heaton, Esq, is doing the town in
the interest of the gainesville Enterprise
and NSirS.
For a foil report of the society news and
other personal and local happenings for the
past week about st. Clairsyiile, see SUNDAY
REGISTER.
That drunken, hilarious crowd who had
the key OF beer in the L. p. church yard
lhe other evening, making night hideous
with their nsiSe, may fad themselves beN
bind the bars if the graceful performance
is repeated.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-06-23
B. a o. Popular Low Rate Sunday

Excursions to Sandusky, Lake Side and
Putin-Bay. Commencing Sunday, jun II,
1885, and continuing every Sunday until
further notice, the B. & o. r r Company,
in connection with the steamer Jay Cooke,
will sell Round Trip Excursion Tickets,
good for Sunday only, on the following
scheduled trains, At Extremely Low Rates:
Leave Wheeling at Ills P. NJ, Saturday,
Round Trip to Sandusky, IS 50; Round
Trip to Put-in-Bay 81 90; Leave Bellaire
at 1l:57 P. NJ, Round Trip to Sandusky,
s. so; Round Trip to PGt-in-Bay, 81 %;
Arrive at Sandusky az $50 A. NJ. Returning:
Leaving Sandusky at Sis P. NJ; Arriving
Wheeling at 2:55 A. NJ; Sleeping Car at,
tached. The Steamer Jay Cooke will leave
Sandusky Immediately on the arrival OF
the train, stopping at the different Islands.
Those going to Putin Bay will have some
three hours to visit points of interest there.
returning to Slndusky in time for the sis
P. N. train. For further information call
on Agents Of r so. w. +. Reppert, Pas
sepger Agent, Trans OhiA Divisions.