The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1883-08-18
THE DUDE


THE DUDEr
The Devil one day, in an amiablo mood,
sat him down on the end of log
IL think" quoth old Nick, 'ff tried that
could
Make u man like the tail of a dog"
mui,
But the image he made grew so crude,
That,sosing neither brains, body, beauty nor
blood,
so" says Nick, "the d-d thing is Dude"
"But, John why should you waste your
time thinking at all about such subiec.s?"
because. my dear, there is nothing in this
world too Insignificant for the scientific
eye. There is nothing too great inr the
grasp Of human intellect, and even what
appears to Us iniinilssmally small may lead
tp results of profound import to the human
race"
The speaker was a medical student WHO
had nearly completed his course ut the
Pennsylvania College and was filed with
the modern rage Tor scientii investigation.
But science did not blind him to the exist
ences 81 other potent Influences Among
the more effective OF these was the interest
ing girl who now walked beside him on the
| gentle slopes Of Fairmount Park in the di.
rcotion IF the z biological Garden.
Flora Zimmern had 70. two years been
engaged 10 John Morgensteru. AL that
Flora had to do in this world was to look
beautiful aud beieYe in john. She found
no difficulty in accomplishing the first OBJ
i'ct of her life, and her belief in the young
doctor was as boundless as the truthGulness
and simplicity of her own nature. She
knew little about science, but her long ac.
quantunce with Morgenstern had created a
slightly fashionable desire to "understand
things" and by dint Of iuQury she had
come to know many valuable secrets o. ma
ture. Fiorry knew already that the clouds
came from the ocean and that the ocean
came from the rivers, aud that the rivers
came from the clouds; and one day she
laughed heartily when her lover explained
that certain blush, which had msntled
above the rosy patches on her glowing lace.
was only u stray sunbeam made out Of
constituted the stored-up heat in piece o!
coal taken. from the depths OF a pit. The
simpler facts of life, aud few Of the great
inexorsble laws which "beiure the begin
ming oi years came to the making of man
were becoming intellislble to her, but uue
day she declared that she must stop learn
ing for snne time us her head was getting
too large, ali Of q sudden, aud her best | ut
was large enough to fit her father.
"Now john" she said one day, al ike
science well, but like bonnets better, and
If science makes my head too large for my
bonnets then conscience and duty declare
that science "must go," as the papers and
you say about the Republican party"
John stroked his moustache aud hung lis
head, but us the little woman's slightest
word was to him a binding law with the
force aud certainty Of gravitation, he took
her by the hand and male compact that
lor on entire winter and sprlng,until he had
passed all his examinations. there should
not be another word spoken about the great
laws Of science.
The necessary conditions had by this time
been all fulfilled. Winter and spring had
gone by; John had rassed his examination
and he aud his Oetrothed were standing Up
posite a monkey cage in the z mogi, al
Gardens. During the winter john had
been studying the theory of Evolution lie
had carefully read Darwlns Origin OF
Species" aud descent of Man" aud had to
rraIizr that it was by very slow degrees, by
very little more and more, that man had
climbed "the cloudy summit of his tme.'
Flora had been listenlngwith as much atlen-
ton as the Ia at and the shadow of her Span
ish sun hat permitted to Johu's explanation
oi the tact that through millions and billions
Of years man had been working up from
Tia" oyster stage, ,through the monkey period
and into his manhood. He had nearly con
! '4uH'h ms hlSN"FlNhl ItNltW WnFh L f4hIa
used the words which form the first SEN
tence ot this uarrltIve,-"W do you
waste your time thinking of such things at
al?"
The question 1oored the scientific John.
Life seems to him poor ,mean n hollow busi-
ness at best. Florry didn'tcare brass but
ton about Darwin, and didn't care whether
her ancestors had been oysters or clans, or
s'gners oi the Declaration of independence
"John," she said, as she tilted her parasol
against the bars Of monkey cage, "Dor-
win was tool, anyhow, tn 60 and say that
a hands me fellow wi h a fine block nous
taehe like you. and a very pretty little
Yankee glrl, with four and a halfsized, six
butt0ned gloves, like me, should have come
from such mean, miserable hairy monsters
as those stupid things before us. Yes.J D.,
my dear aud only John, old Darwin was
an ass, aud a iooney, and when you get
nice carriage and hurses Tor me, aud burn
all your dusty old e,Ilege books, you'll say
that am right"
John looked very mela ncholy. The tide
had set in strongly against him. lie couldn't
] argue with four and a-half sized gloves even
il they bore six buttons each. Flora's
/ thoughts were far away from monkeys and
II is possible they might IL yer have come
back, it a monkey, in the course Of his ryra-
tious, had not brushed his tail very close
beside her umbrella.
"John, dear" she said quickly, "that just
kind O. reminds me, il we did come from
the monkeys what has beoome of the
tails?"
A couple of over grown youths. fashion
ably dressed had come up to the cage mean
while, and divided their intelligence be d.
tween conversation with ihe monkeys nnd
oging the young lady through their single
glasses. Johu perceived the operations aud
he FASTENED In deliver a short lrciure in