The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-01-04
Swearing off Smoking

rumpling his hair over his head and gaz.
ing at himself in the glass; my dear, do
You know think smoke too much? 1t
doesn't agree with me at all"
"Just what I have always thought
chimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, land besides,
it makes the room smell so. You know
this room"
I'm not talking about the room," re-
torted Mr.. Spoopendyke, with snort.
I'm not aware that it affects the health
of 1.-THE room. I'm talking abont my
health this trip and think I'll break off
short. You don't catch me smoking any
MORE" and Mr.. Spoopendyke yawned
and stretched himself and pumped down
in his easy chair and glared out of the
window at the rain.
"How are you going to break OFF," in.
quired Mrs. Spoopendyke, drawing up
her sewing chair and and gazing mp into
her husbands face admiringly. II
suppose the best way is not think of it at
ali"
1.-THE best way is for you to sit there
and cackle about it." growled Mr..
Spoopendyke eff anything will dis
tract my attention from it that viii Can't
We think of something else to talk about?
Don't We know some subjects that don't
smell like tobacco plantation"
Certainly" cooed Mrs. Spooopendake,
rather nonplussed. "We might talk
about the rain. suppose this is really
the equinox. How long will it last,
dear?"
bod CAST the equinox sputterel Mr..
Spoopendyke. Don't you know that
when man quits smoking it depresses
him? What dye want to talk about..de
pressing things for? Now's the time to
make me cheerful. If ye don't know any
cheerful things, keep quiet"
'.Of course" assented Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, 'you want subjects that will draw
Jour mind away from the habits of smok
ing like you used to. Won't it be nice
when the long winter evenings come and
the fire is lighted and you have your
slippers and PAPER -.
That's just the time want cigar"
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, bounding
around in his chair and scowling at his
wife. 'Ain't We got sense enough to
single your tongue for minute? The
way you're keeping it up you'll drive me
back to my habit in less'n an hour" he
continued solemnly, land then my blood
be on your head"
"Oh, dearr" sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
II didn't mean to. Did you notlce about
the comet? They say it is going to drop
into the sun and burn up"
'There ye go again! yelled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. You can't open your measely
mouth without suggesting something
that breaks me down! What dye want to
talk about fire for? Who wants fire when
he's stopped smoking? Two minutes
more and I'll have pipe in my mouth!
and Mr.. Spoopendyke groaned dismally
in contemplation of the prospect.
I'm glad you're going to stay home
to-day" continued Mrs. Spoopendyke,
soothingly. You'd be sure to catch
cold if you went out, and by and by we'll
have piping hot dinner"
That's it!' squealed Mr.. Spoooen
dyke, bouncing out of his chair and
plunging around the room. "Youd got
to say something about pipe! l knew
how il would be! You want me to die
You want me to smoke myself into An
early grave, You'll fetch it! Don't give
yourself any uneasinees! You're on tbs
track and Mr.. Spoopendyke buried his
face in his hands and shook convulsively.
81 meant it for the best, dear, muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke. II thought
I was drawing"
THAT itr' replied Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Drawing. You've driven me to it in
stead of keeping me from it. You know
how it's done. All you need now is
lightning rod and dish of milk toast to
be an inebriates' home. Where's that
cigar left here on the mantel? Gimme
my death warrant. Show me my i'm
ported doom. Drag forth my miniature
coffin, and Mr.. Spoopendyke swept the
contents of the shelf upon the floor and
howled dismally.
Isn't that it?" asked Mrs. Spoopen
dyke, pointing to a small pile of snLh Oh
the chair in which Mr.. Spoopendyke had
been sitting. THAT looks like it,"
"Wahl" yelled Mr.. Spoopendvke,
grasping his hat and making for the
door "Another time swear off you q
into the country. you hearl' and Mr..
Spoopendyke dashed out of the house
and steered for the nearest tobacco shop
II don't care. muttered Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke; when he swears on again. I'm
willing to leave, without his pipe. so I'll
hang II upon the wall where he'll never
think of looking for it," and having con-
signed the tobacco to the flames, Mrs.
, Spoopendyke gathered her sewing
materials around her and double
olinched an old resolution never to lose
her temper, no matter what happened.