The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-03-09
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
avs shown up--Kites.

Always shown up--Kites.
Men of winning ways-Gamblers
A mild season-Adulterate pepper.
A poor relation to be avoided, is tell
ing story badly.
It's the assignee in bankruptcy who
has painful wreck-collections.
The sculptor is the most likely of all
men to cut figure in the world.
The dead-beat, poor in the goods Of
this world, is generally rich in taffy.
The electric incandescent pocket
book is the latest; it is always light.
How to expedite the males--Get
papa to ask what their intentions are.
When button comes off the back of
mans shirt collar his choler begins to
rise.
The average bill-poster wears no
diamonds. Paste is good enough for
him.
The proprietors of ice-houses make
many a cool thousand in the course Of
a year.
Look to your firs escapes. In other
words settle your debts and pay your
pew rents.
Generous natures will hesitate about
licking postage stamp when it gets
down to two cents.
The man who arrived at the station
a moment too late for the train had
splendid carrear before him.
Tending bar has a tendency to make
aman a pugilist. He gets usel to MAX
ing punches and knocking down.
Utah has marble enough to supply
every one in America with a tomb
stone, and cheerfully observes all she
wants is a market for it.
Some genius has invented machine
to play pianos. This will give Ameri-
can girls chance to help mother hang
out the clothes Monday afternoon.
The fashionable spring bonnet, it is
understood, will be small enough to go
in a Saratoga trunk without the ne
cessity of removing any of the trim
| mings.
A bald-headed man who has heard
chat the hairs on mans head are mum
bered. wants to know if there is not
some place where he can obtain the
back numbers.
Mrs. Lofty" said the teacher,
"your son has contracted some lad
habits" "Glal to hear YOU say SO"
was the answer; Ibis bad habits GER
tanly need contraction
\ Syracuse young lady has peculiar
mode of reckoning time on Sunday.
Last Sunday evening, about o'clock,
when asked what time it was, she re-
piled: Five minutes of Smith"
Dominick Hoffman, a newly-elected
Justice of the peace in Dubuque, got
frightened whel called on to perform
his first official act, marriage cere-
mony, and resigned immediately. y
burnt child breads the fire.
A Brooklyn landlady recently
dropped her false teeth into one of her
boarder's cup of coffee. He immedi-
ately made her a present OF the coffee
and generously told her she needn't
give him credit for it on his bill.
4 California man has invented
patent stovepipe having screw joints,
against which no living or inanimate
J thing can possibly contend. TO this
benefactor of mankind all honor is
due. but what also is needed is a cane
seated chair that won't floor Il man
when he stands on the edge of it.
A Lee in a rosebud: Arthur Cray.
on-"Miss Rosebud, l have brought a
little picture which painted especially
for you. 1t has proved a very pleasant
task during the month that | worked
! on it," Pinky Rosebud-"Oh, thanks
Mr.. Crayon, you are very kind, but l
am afraid that | must return the
frame, as mother never allows me to
accept presents Of any value from
gentlemen
WHEN THINGS GO WRONG.
| Alas how easily things go wrong
| sigh too much or kiss too long;
| And there comes mist and drenchinc
rain,
| And things are never the same again.
Boston Star.
| Alas how easily things go wrong.
sigh too much or kiss too long;