The Press., 1883-05-24
Detroit Free Press.l LIME-KILN CLUB PHILOSOPHY.

lDetrolt Free PresS.l
 LIME-KILN CLUB PHILOSOPHY.
 1Am Judge Perfection Smith in de hall dis eavenin' p asked the president as he laid aside his gavel and looked around him.
 ssYes, sah," answered voice full of fish, bones and shingle nails shaken up to- gether. =
 "Please ambrllate dis way"
 The judge ambulated. He came up confident and smiling, expecting to receive a gold medal for inyenting mosquito bar, which catches rats.
 s'Judge Smith" said the president, also in @ solemn voice, tsdar'am few little things desiah to spoke to you about. You war at de pos'offis de, odder day to rent box at $2.50 per quarter. All de mail dat you receivei in six months wouldn't t light kerosene lamp. Den why dis at tempt to frow on style an heap on agony ?'
 CT didn't rent one, sah, D replied the culprit in weak voice.
 s'A few days ago. continued the pres ident, "I- overheard you trottin' out a presidential candidate for 1884. You had your biggest voice, an you was hingln' your arms about, an one would have thought you knowed all about 1t. Judge Smith, you will have no mo to do wid de makin' of de nex' president of de United States dan one grain of sand will have in maxim up de great Sahary Desert"
 ''Ize sorry, sah. I'll drap de hull biz ness right off" *t sEr#EE sG#sg
 s.sSee dat you do Theories am all right onless man am two months behind on his rent. Doctrines am all right when 8 fam fly hain't shiberin' wid cold. Individual opinions count fur muffin when de indi- l,,o |. lz o4al on his boot. Go an sot down, Judge Smith, an doan' lose mint in startin' on de road to reform"
 THE ELECTION
 Sir. Isaac Walpole desired to state be- fore making his rounds that his wife had lately appeared with new bonnet, and he had also donned new swallow-tailed coat. For fear that he would be charged with extravaganza he would explain that the bonnet was left Mrs. Walpole by dy- ing sister, and retrimmed at an expense of forty cents, and his coat was present from citizen whom he had found drunk in snowbank, and in 8 fair way to freeze to death The ballot box was then passed, ard the following candidates elected |: Lone Tree Adams, Judge Stivers, Uncle Ben Williams, Fortune Johnson, Epigram White and Caravan Stebbins.
 The secretary announced communica- tion from Blue Nose Taylor, dated at West Union, Ind, saying that the colored peo- pie in that county had counted noses and found all present after the floods, and as they were about to make a new start in life they had decided to apply for charter for branch lodge The could start off with five dogs, three benches, water pail, 8 history of Mexico, and a piece of oil cloth six feet long.
 The secretary was instructed to reply to the effect that they had better wait for a few months longer, or until the ague and mosqui- to season had fairly opened. They could then tell who was going to die and who would re- move from the state.
 The committee on finance submitted re- port in the case of Mrs. Lord Savage Hop kins of Georgia, who had asked the club to send her $2OO with which to erect 0 monu- ment over the grave of her husband. The committee were in favor of monuments, and would not recommend the purchase of one costing less than $2OO, but in this case they had failed to discover what claim the widow had upon the club. @.
 Brother Gardner added that if any member cared about having his grave marked he had better contract for his headstone and pay on the installment plan. The club might help Q widow through pinch, but it was not in the marble business
 'Giyeadam Jones then suddenly arose and offered the following:
 Resolved, Dat no free man will submit to de yoke of tyranny.''
 ''Brudder Jones'" replied the president, as he looked down upon him, Eff you pay. your rent, feed an clothe your family, an appear at church ebery odder Sunday, de yoke of tyranny won't nebber hurt you any. When you h'ar man talkin' about yokes an tyrants an freemen you kin s'arch aroun' fur soft spot in his head. We will now depopulate 6o r1loo4ip' J