Milford chronicle., 1883-05-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

"Well, that is a big enough contract for
one man r.
A LIBEL suit is described as a legal
proceeding where a man pays a lawyer,
$4,000 in order to get 81, 900 out Of an
other man who thought the first man was
fool and is now sure of it.
IT is not strange that many great
politicians have been enthusiastic fisher
men. Not so much that they like to
hook things as that they take pleasure
in pulling strings
JUDGE GRESHAM is shortly to return to
Indiana. This will give the Judges
fellow citizens an excellent opportunity
to borrow some postage-stamps.-
| C0urier-JoWWQl
BUILDING is going on in Philadelphia
so fast this spring that the man who
goes to sleep on a lot at night is liable
to have roof over his head in the morn
ing-that is, if the police do their duty.
-Phiiadelphia Herald
The Boston Transcript wants to know,
you know, again. The question this
time is whether it isn't little paradox
cal to speak of man as crank when
he is so set in his mind that you can't
turn him.
A FARMERS journal recommends
''blanketing the bees in Winter" A
man should be careful which end of the
bee he grabs when he goes to put a
blanket on it, or he may "blank it,
considerably more than he bargained
for.-The Jadge.
TEAoHER-If two boys should find
ten apples under tree, how many
would each boy have9 Bright scholar
That would depend upon whether the
one that could lick was apple-hungry or
not.-Boston Transcript.
A VERY good story is told of Lord
Role. He commanded troop Of yeo-
manry cavalry, and when they were up
for training it was reported to him that
some of the men had been fighting. He
called the offenders before him, and
sternly told them that he didn't want any
fighting men in his regiment
In some New England cities they
talk about filling overhowed flats. As
a rule, fiat needs emptying rather than
filling, He'll fill himself if he is only
let alone-or induce some other fiat to
fill him. Let the cities confne them
selves to filling aldermen and the like.
DEFINITION: (Scene, Highland police
ofice.) Superintendent to policeman
-s'What mean you, Tonal, by entering
John McLuish, tramp, in the books Of
ia offs? What iss tramp?" Police
man-"A tramp, yer Honor, is a man
wha traivails about an seeks for work
and dinna want it. Superintendent is
A JOLLY old uncle has been relating
some incidents of his earlier life to his
nephew. "Of all the women you ever
met, uncle, says the young man, "by
which were you most struck :" by
your aunt, my boy; by your aunt F."
replies the old gentleman, dropping his
voice and feeling the back Of his head
HERE is a Texas society note: "The
beautiful and accomplished Miss Fly
high was so unfortunate at the ball last
evening as to be bitten on her plump,
snowy shoulder by vicious mosquito.
The young lady Immediately tainted,
but was resuscitated and is now doing
we'll. The mosquito was captured by
four Of the young gentlemen present,
taken outside and decapitated with a
meat ax.
A KENTUCKY rural editor, whose paper
S published on Wednesdays, makes this
request in a recent issue: Parties con-
getting hurt, getting out Of
Jail, killing somebody, running off with
wife, or getting kicked by
mule, will please do so on Sundays, and
Mondays, as that viii give us time to
write it up in the fullest details while it
S fresh and savory."
A PATENT medicine manufacturer died
N New York last week. Before he died
MS friends asked him how he would like
% be buried. He had just strength left
% say: 'Insert me top column next to
reading matter 80 times electro by
nail, and then lie closed his eyes and
hen he passed away to that bourne
where there are no omissions nor wrong
Insertions. Teras Strings.
"HAwKEYE" Burdette, who is a fond
ire. remarks to American fathers "a
BOY always wants to 60 with older men,
md if you make yourself his companion,
lis elder brother as well as his father, it
viii do you as much good as it viii him.
It will make your heart younger, until at
asst You win be the grandest thing in the
vorld-an old boy sixty-five years young,
whose life and body have outgrown his
leart by thirty years.
DAVID @. Bliss, who stole $4,000 in
,onds from publishers Office in New
FORK, has been sentenced to two years
A youth vino stole less
han a dollar in the same city, was award
Il with eight years incarceration. There
5 very poor inducement in New York
or a young man who wishes to embark
d career Of crime to begin at the foot
/ the ladder and gradually work his
ray up. It is safer to commence at the
op at the start. Norristo,0p Herald,