The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-09-19
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO sMILt
OVER.
WHAT CAUSED ropyoopY TO TUMBLE.

OVER.
WHAT CAUSED ToPNooDY TO TUMBLE.
After supper, Monday night, MIR,
Topnoody put on his hat and started ou'
Of the house.
Where are you going, Topnoody4'
asked his wife.
'T'm going down town, my dear"
well, l didn't suppose you were
going to New York, or Philadelphia, OF
Europe, or Cumminsville."
Didn't you, my love?"
mo- / didn't. But I want to know
what you are going down town for"
Business, my dear, OF course. Yon
didn't think I was going for fun, did
you?"
"Oh, no; men never go down town
at night for fun. There's no fun down
town at night for man, when his wife
is left at home by herself. OF course
not, Of course not. It's business all the
time; sometimes it's the saloon business;
sometimes it's the billiard-room business;
sometimes it's the pasteboard business;
sometimes it's the theatre business;
sometimes it's the"
"Now, my dear, what's the use OF
your going on that way I'm honest,
and have to go down town. / am going
to Join the Knights Of Pythias, and
have to be on hand at eight o'clock.
sharp"
"Going 10 Join the Knights Of Pythias,
are you? Well, / say you amt. You
already have Mason nights, and Odd
Fellow nights, and A. o. U. W. nights,
and Chosen Friends nights, and Elk
nights, and Y. NJ. G. A. nights, and
Scottish Rite nights, and now you want
to have a night Of Pythias, do you? ]
say you shan't, and Topnoody, If you
want to lodge with me, you had better
take one night off for Topnoody night,
or this lodge will be closed till further
orders. Do you tumble ?"
Topnoody tumbled.-me Drummer.
'RAvY on THE MATCHES.
"Sally," said a housemaid to her fel
,ow.servant, "Ive sweetheart-such a
aice young man He's profession"
"Oh, Jemima don't use such wicked
words"
con, but it amt wicked word at all
Sally; it's a business.
"Business, Jemima? What bust
nes5?"
Guess, Sally, what it is. 1t begins
with H."
II know, Jemima. TIA horsifer."
"No, it uin't, though; it's something
much better than horsifer.
Then it's horange merchant-thati
it, Jcmima "
'"Oh, you hateful thing-to think o.
anything SO vulgar He's q hook
sinner |"
THE CASHIER DIDN'T IDENTIFY HIM.
"You have the advantage of me,
said the cashier blandIy. You viii
have to get some one to identify you"
Identify me? Why / am your sor
ust back from college for the summe
vacation"
"May be, may be-" answered TN
cashier, "but my son did not look like {
TOOL, wear a cockney hat, monkey Tai
,oat skin-tight brooches, toothpicl
hoes, nor did he suck cane handles
When my wife returns from Europe mex
september you might present you
,laims to her, and if she decides that yor
IRE our offspring / shall he happy TO bi
Won an afIsctionate goodbye on yoIir re
lrn TO college. In the meantime
would suggest that you earn your livin
bv hiring yourself out for tailor sigr
Good-day, Biz"
HOW HE TRADED.
"Tve given the boy tho wrong med
cine" exclaimed druggist, Selling hi
hat and rushing from the store. Th
hoy had reached home by the time til
'ruggist overlook him.
Say" exclaimed the druggist, as n
I'D negro approached, eve given you
hoy the wrong medicine.
what did yer gin him?"
81 gave him morphine. You sent fC
luinine."
Oats all right. Do udder day
sont for morphine an yer sont me qn
Iinc, an dis time when 1 wanted mol
phine, Ter keep down any mistakes,
sonG for quinine, KNOWN dat y,
wouldn't send what de boy axed for. G
on back home an sell some rat pizen." y
.drkanSaw Traveller.
A BOYS ECONOMY.
A boy seven or eight years old wa
passing along Elizabeth street, Detroit
recently with dime in his fingers, whe
another boy accosted him with:
"What ye going to buy2"
"Camphor."
"What for?"
"To keep moths away"
Say" said the second boy as he cam
ncarer, "I'll tell you what I'll do. ]
y)u'!l spend five cents o that for cand
| III lend You my dog all one day to hun
down the moths and if he don't cate
en- all Illlend you the bossest rat trap i
this city You can just as well save fv
cents as not"
HOW no CONQUER A CUCUMBER.
"Young man," 1t was the man at til
hotel table who spoke. The reporte
looked up and he continued .t5ll I!
"Pick the seeds out of those slices Z
,ucumbers and throw them away, an
you will avoid the collie"
"Does the collie lurk in the seedsp
the reporter asked.
"No, not that so much but, you sc
ifyou get rid of the seeds there won't b
enough OF tho cucumber eft to hur
YOU"