The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-01-11
ALL SORTS.

900 signatures, in favor of a Sunday clos
ing bill for England, have already been
presented to Parliament. People are,
apparently just as ready to sign petit
ton in England as in America
Talmage once said something to the
effect that we are monkeying around on
the apex of 5000 years. just so; for, ac-
cording to Darwin, in the language OF
algebra, ape equals the unknown guam
tites of evolution.-N. Y. Commercial
Advertiser.
Henry Ward Beecher made his Brook
Ign audience laugh recently by the re-
mark 1.-The age Of miracles is not yet
past, AS was proved to me this afternoon
| by the return of an umbrella which L
left in a sleeping-car last week" Why
didn't he read the whole almanac to
them?
A terrier at Americas, GA, has for
saken home and taken up his lot with
herd Of goats, combining himself as near
as possible to their habits and customs,
and refusing to associate with other
CANNES. He'll find old tin cans and cir
Gus bills pretty tough kind of food to
get accustomed to.
A man in Alexandria, Va. while drunk
made two attempts to commit suicide by
throwing himself before locomotives, but
was prevented. He was fined for Job
structing railroad trains" If he tried
to make his exit by means of a mules
heels he might have been arrested for
cruelty to animals.
Sometimes we think highly-organ-
lied thief makes the best newspaper
editor. Or are we the victims of delu
sion when we find in the columns of our
esteemed conte poraries original pro-.
ductIons who we were fortunate
enough to be fra ,print.and had fondly
supposed to be our own?-Philadelph
| Record.
An editor once Owned three Hundred
thousand dollars worth of Railroad stock,
twenty-five Thousand dollar Govern
ment bonds, six white Shirts, A country
Residence on the Hudson, farm in II.
linois, a span of Horses and wagon,
two Suits of Clothes and Plug hat.
This fable Teaches that all the Liars are
Not Dead Yet.
Rumor has it that buckwheat cakes
will be made this season in the form of
| billiard balls. This is a concession to
the time-saving idea of the expeditions
American, it being part of the design
to discharge the spherical buckwheat
connection for the needy stomach from
Gattling gun set at the head of the
table Yongers Gazette.
A nice young man thought he had
found something pure and fresh in the
shape of laughing little witch of girl
and was on the point Of proposing mar
riage, when she scattered his fond hopes
%. IL, l.
You hug and kiss me more than any
gentleman am acquainted with, except
Bill Wallace and he is a baggage smasher
and only comes here once a month"
A few days ago. during heavy storm.
the Rio Grande river suddenly changed
its course by cutting through a bend
near Camargo, and thus placed several
acres Of inhabited territory within the
legal limit of the United States. 1t was
awful severe upon, and nearly drove
crazy, man who had just paid his taxes
in Mexico and found that the American
tax collector would call in two days.
Som. Journal.
"Grandpa, does hens make their own
eggs?' Yes, indeed they do, Johnnie"
And do they always put the yolk in the
middle" Guess they DO, Johnny"
And do they put the starch around it to
keep the yeller from rubbing OFF,"
Quite likely, my little boy" And
who sews the cover on?" This stumped
the old gentleman, and he barricaded
Johnnie's mouth with lollipop.
John" said the cashiers wife. drop
ping into the bank in the midst of
shopping trip, you forgot to leave the
money this morning" What name?'
asked the cashier without looking up.
Name mel exclaimed the lady, Il
am your wife mo doubt, no doubt"
answered the cashier mechanically. and
going on with his writing; but you
will have to bring some one to identify
you. Phil. News.
The salary of a Congressman is 5000
per year, and when he runs in city dis
trict his expenses of. election are seldom
less than $4,000. He can't save any
thing from his salary, and if strictly
honest, and without private fortune,
will have to borrow money to leave
Washington. Now, then, how do so
many Of them turn ont rich at the end OF
a term?" wildly demands the Detroit
Free Press. Just as though the system
hadn't been explained hundred times.
A noted physician says that many per-
sons, simply by deep and rapid exhala-
tons of pure air, can become intoxicated
on oxygen as if they had taken draught
OF alcoholic stimulants. This is an i'm
portant discovery. but it doesn't cost
I lar