The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-07-26
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A girl has been arrested while dis
guised as an old woman. The old
woman disguised as girl is still at
large Chicago Tribune.
-"He shot himself in the woods" is
an Indiana paper s account of a suicide.
The bullet, of course, must have taken
effect in the lumber region.-N Z.
Graphic. ts.i
Clara Cooking at the bonnets,
etc.,: "Don't you think they are very
handsomep' Amy (whose thoughts
are on the other side of the streeO:
Every, specially the one with the black
mustache. e.''-Detroit Free Press. 8.
Several ladies lost their house
plants by freezing last winter. There
is no excuse for such negligence. Three
tons of coal at eight dollars per ton will
carry dollars worth of house plants
through the winter safelv.-M. Z. Nesos.
81 declarer' exclaimed Mrs. Tid-
nice, az never saw girl like our Sary
Jane. Iworked almost two hull days
on her new bathin' dress, and don't you
think, she got it wringin' wet the fust
time she put it on!'-Chicaqo Herald.
There are some girls so awfully
nice that they will not dance with a fel-
low in a ballroom if his hair sticks up
on the back of his head. The same
girl may be seen at the age of thirty
one looking in seven different direc-
tions for husband.--Detroit Post. /:
Father to his om-the-university
back-returning- thou hast,
of course, no debts?" Son-"Three
thousand marks.' Father-''What
three thousand marksp" Son-"Well,
art thou not proud that thy son SO
great credit hathp'' Omnibus.
81 have often noticed that gallant
Young men walking with their sweet
hearts offer the left arm, while devoted
married men with their wives offer the
right arm. Why is this?" Edith:
s.The left arm is nearest the heart; the
right arm is nearest the pocket-book. !"
| Boston Post.
Host Greatly in agony about his
better come on the carpet, old fellow? !?
I'm so afraid you might slip, you know" "
Guest with a wooden leg)-"O,' it's
all right old fellow-thanks! There 8
nail in the end you know. IN Y.
Journal.
The editor of village newspaper
near b1c CtGy WIO1O VI a SOhoiO-
man who sung in the choir, that he
was among the best of their amateur
singers, and he was Mortified to see it
appear in his paper, zone of the best
of our amateur sluggers." He has
gone fishing until it blows over.-M Y.
Times.
"A genuine dude has struck Lara
mie. He has homeopathic head and
allopathic feet. His pants are so tight
that he never takes them off, and he
has plate glass window in one eye
The other is closed for repairs. He got
on the widest kind of debauch las
night with half an ounce of pepper
sauce and bunch of cigarettes. He
halls from New York.-LGran1ie Boom
erang.
The Arkansaw man has many way
of getting his name into print, ant
when all other means fail the mad-dos
resort is taken up. The gentleman wh'
wants his name to appear in the loca
paper calls on the editor and says
s.Killed the biggest mad dog this morn
ing YOU ever saw. Better make a loca
to that effect as it might serve as
warning to the people of the neighbor
hood. You needn't say that kille'
him. Just say that a very large ma
dog was killed the other day by-well
you can put my name in. Idgn't care.
-ArkdnSaa0 Traveller.