davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
Drank a lear.
TFrom the Arkansaw Travelt

From the Arkansaw Traveller
"Boys, / won't drink lessen you take
what do, }" said old Josh Split, in re-
ply to an invitation. He was topper of
long standing and abundant capacity,
and the boys looked at him in astonish-
ment.
1.-The idea," one of them replied,
''that you should prescribe conditions is
laughable. Perhaps you want to force
one of your ABDOMINAL mixtures on u.s.
You are chief of the mixed drinkers,
and | will not agree to your condi-
tions.
"He wants to run us in on castor oil
and brandy" said the Judge, who would
willingly have taken the oil to get the
brandy.
"No. I'm square," replied Split.
"Take me drink and I'm with you."
The boys agreed and stood along the
bar. Every one turned to Split and
regarded him with interest.
IS MIR. Bartender" said Split, "give
me a glass of water"
"What, waterp' the boys exclaimed.
eyes, water; it's a new drink on me
l admit, and I expect it's a scarce arti-
Gle with all of you. Lemme tell you
how [ came to take it. Several days
ago passed. of us went fishing, and we
took fine chance of whisky along and
had heap of fun. Long toward even
in [ got powerful drunk and crawled
under a tree an went to sleep. The
boys drunk up all the whisky and come
back to town. They thought it good
joke cause they'd left me that drunk
and told it around town with mighty
buster. Ny son got a hold of the re-
port and told it at home Well, I laid
under that tree all night an when I
woke in the mornin', thar sot my wife
right thar by me. She didn't say a
word when [ woke up, but she sorter
turned her head away. / got up and
looked at her. She still didn't say moth
in, but could see that she was chokin'.
"FI wish 1 had suthin' ter drink, ,
said I.
."Then she tuck cup what she fotch
with her an went down to whar spring
billed up an dipped up a cupful and
fotch it to me. Jes as she was handin'
1t ter me, she leaned over ter hide her
eyes an I seed tear drap in the water.
[ tuck the cup an drank the water an
the tear, an raisin' my hands L vowed
that / would never halter drink nv
wife's tears agin; that had been drink
in them for the last twenty years, an
that I was goin' to stop. You boys know
who it was that left me drunk. You
was all in the gang. Give me another
glass of water, Mr.. Bartender"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
A Rich Man Starved.

tFrom the SOmervile Journal
$50 Jones is dead?" said one Somer-
vile man to another.
Eyes, poor fellow" was the reply,
I" he's gone"
"What did he die of? inquired the
first speaker.
Starvation, was the answer.
Starvation! Good gracious, the
man was worth $50, 900"
CT know that; nevertheless, he died
of starvation. I'll tell you how it was:
Jones was always fancying that there
was something the matter with him; so
he went to doctor one day and had
himself examined, and the doctor in
formed him that he had kidney disease,
and that, besides taking medicine, ne
must diet himself. Said the doctor:
You must avoid all kinds of salt meats,
salt fish, potatoes, eabbages and vege-
tables of every kind. Jones followed
the advice, but found himself no better.
He went to another doctor, and, after
being examined, was informed that he
must avoid all kinds of fresh meats al
so. This did not do him any good, as
he thought, and he went to another doc
tor, who highly approved of the advice
which had previously been given, and
further warned him against all kinds of
pastry, likewise shellfsh, including
oysters and CLAIMS. 'The best thing for
you is milk diet, said the doctor; so
Jones lived wholly upon milk. Not
feeling himself any better he went to
another doctor, who cautioned him to
avoid milk above ali things, if he want
ed to get well. This reduced Jones to
diet of cold water and fresh air, and,
finding himself 10 better under this re-
gime, he went to another doctor, who
advised him to beware of drinking too
much water and being too much in the
air. This last advice cut off the last of
Jones article of diet, and he died of
starvation, as have told you.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
FACTS ABOUT WOMEN.

MISS LOUISE CHANDLER MOULTON is
the guest of some of the English nobility
of Devonshire.
LUCY STONE was Mortified when d
Mormon elder out west told her there
was a hourishing Mormon Church in
Boston.
DIR. LIZZIE Hess is graduate of the
Iowa State University Medical School,
and has large practice in the city of
her alma mater.
NINE. MICHELET announces q volume
upon the early life of her husband, based
upon autobiographical memoranda found
among his papers.
MISS AGNES EMERY won the Rowland
prize, at the commencement of the Uni
versity of Kansas, for the best essay on
''Civil Service Reform"
MISS SUSAN B. ANTHONY returns from
Europe in August. She will begin work
Immediately on the third volume of the
woman suffrage history.
In the Cambridge mathematical tripos
this year, the name of one of the young
lady students at Girton College is
ranked between the twentieth and tWen-
ty-frst wranglers.
A GRANDDAUGHTER of Robert Burns
is, it is asserted, at present in receipt of
relief from the London Scottish Cor
poration. Her name is Mrs. Pyrke.
She is the daughter of the poets eldest
son, Robert.
MRS. ABIGAIL SCOTT DUNIWAY is writ
ing remarkable serial story for her pa
per, the New Northwest, at Portland,
| Ore, In which she develops certain
phases of woman's rights and wrongs
with great vigor.
Mrs. ELLEN MALENGRo, the matron
of the Jacksonville pest-house, has con-
tracted for two years to keep the house
! and grounds in order, take care of the
patients, and to attend to the conveyance
Of patients and the burying of the dead.
Mss ARABELLA KENEALY, second
| {. lighter of the. late DIR. Kenealy, the
famous lawyer of the Tichborne claim
ant, has obtained the license of the King
and Queens College of Physicians, Ire.
land, and special license In midwifery.
There were forty more candidates and
Miss Kenealy's papers were adjudged
the best.
In addressing the Smith College girls
on the cause of international peace, Gen.
Walker possibly foresaw the time when
women of America will take an active
hand in political matters, and will be-
come the worlds peacemakers. II so,
"blessed are the peacemakers. If
America shall continue to be the IN
emancipation because the women of Amer
lea have learned to repress overwarlike
passions, we may rightly change the
beatitude to blessed are the women of
America. "-Eg.
MANY of the New York ladies in So
ciety have some especial dish of their
own preparation on which they pride
themselves. Mrs. W. K Vanderbilt is
skillful in sponge cake, and Mrs. Henry
Clews in floating island. Mrs. Judge
Shea puts dandeIion in her chicken salad.
Mrs, Aston and Mrs. Croly are known
for delicate sandwiches. Mrs. Cyrus
". Field makes kind of bread which
her husband fondly declares can not be
equaled. Lady Vaudeville has frozen
fruits for her speciality, sliced peaches
glaces IN particular, while Mrs. Hilton
makes several kinds of candy. Mrs.
Morgan Dix, who was southern wom-
an, is known for delicious coffee, and
Mrs. r. W. Travers, formerly of Balti-
more, is naturally, and some say almost
supernaturally, good In terRapln.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15

walked off, Jack clasped his hands about
his Lead and fell into train of serious
thought. ....
"Pve been off," he said, "butnever SO
off as l was yesterday. A coffin and
boxing lessons-where the deuce could
have been, anyhow"
''Let me ini l must see him! On
him! I'll kill him, the cowardly scoun-
drel! He insulted my wife L say let
me in; I'll have his lifek"
The voice and scuffie were outside
Mr.. Quimby's door.
Impossible, sir, impossible. Mr..
Quimby is gentleman, and never in
tentionally insulted anyone"
This was quite enough for Jack. He
felt cold chill all over, and seized his
hat and coat and shot down side en-
trance.
"Where are you going, Mr.. Quinn
by ?" asked porter.
"To ILL.," shouted Jack. "The
whole world is coming with collins, box
ing gloves and insulted wives. I'm crazy,
plum crazy. Out of my way or I'll kill
you" And the wretched man darted
into the street, sprang into hack, and
fell back in a condition of complete ex-
haustion.
On the third Cay of January, Miss
Alice Benton was informed that Mr..
John Quimby craved audience of her.
"Why, Jack, how pale you are, and
how miserable you look" she exclaimed
as Mr. Quimby made a very humble
ing penitence on her.
"Alice," he said, "do you remember
New Years day ?"
"Of course, do"
" called on you, Alice"
Certainly you did, Jack; and sang a
song, too; don't you remember ?"
Remember? yes, quite well-at
least [ think do But after that, Alice;
| after that"
"Come, Jack, don't look so horror
stricken. What occurred after that ?"
Heaven alone knows. I only know
about half, and there must be about a
hundred precincts yet to hear from. [
went to an undertaken and ordered a
coffin; invited a bruiser to call at my
office during business hours and spar
with me; insulted somebody's wife;
| borrowed money from every one in town,
and there were thirty-two creditors wait
ing to see me in the hall yesterday; /
have seven pairs of boots making for
me in various parts of the town; / have
bought land, ships, partnerships,
grain, clothes, guns, in fact, Alice, |
find that, begging your pardon, the devil
has got such a mortgage on me that he
took possession of this poor carcass on
New Years night, and have como back
TO swear off, once and forever.
son what will you swear, Jack ?
Now, mind you, this is a serious matter
You never acknowledged before that
such necessity existed. Shall I get
the Bible ?"
"I1l swear on your lips, sweetheart"
said Mr.. Quimby, CALAMITY, and right
Justify did he take the OATH
It's high time, darling" he contin-
ued, "when a man mistakes an under
taker shop for saloon-it's high time
to turn over a new leaf.
And Charley Elmore was Quimby' s
best man at the wedding, but from that
day to this Jack never suspected that he
had been the victim of reformatory
conspiracy.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
School TeIegraphy
From the Boston Globe

See the Thin Young Man Kick Him
self. Is He a Striker No, He is a
Plug. He has Just Received Mes
sage. Where was 1t from? Half-a-
Dozen Blocks away. When was it filed /?
Two or Three Hours ago. Can He read
the Message? Oh, Yes. 1t reads I" Whit
billzz esta tenochitt OF or gogym." Will
He get Even with the Sender? Youare
Hooting now. What will He do? He
will Send Dispatch that at the Other
End will Read about like This: "Catzy
ellantii OK at oft OF oorpy dex y Y y"
How Nice it is to Learn to Telegraph in
School.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
oYs for Sale.
From the Chicago Herald. J

From the Chicago Herald.J
Glow much for boy?"
GLOW long?"
San hour"
S'Fifty cents.
ga day."
zone ten"
''A week"
Give sixty"
Can l getone for more than a week?'
''As long as you wish"
"Can I send him to South Chicago?'
''As far as you please"
$40 Cleveland?''
''Yes'm. F"
"To New York;"
Certainly"
"Yes'm, around the world if you
wish. :"
Perhaps it is time to tell who did all
this talking. Well, Mr.. Kelsch. the
manager of the messenger department.
of the American District Telephone
Company, was answering the questions,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
SURPRISE.
When passing bright
Was the silver moon
o. 49,. sE~L

When passing bright
Was the silver moon
One balmy night
In last June,
They met.
Not misty speck
In the sky did hoat,
As on the deck
OF picnic boat
they sat.
Her hand lay near,
He thought it right,
With loving leer
lie grasped it tight,
And squoze.
She did not kick nor pull away,
To break the charm;
But it passive lay,
To his fingers warm
1t froze.
Upon her lip,
Made bold by this,
The dewy nectar for to sip
He did one lingering kiss
Imprint.
A scream ala reno
The stiffness there,
Right up on end
Stood his bristling hair,
Like quilts.
Still passive lay
The hand he'd pressed,
And as he quickly skipped away
He rightly guessed
Twas cork.
st. Louis P0St-DiSpdtch.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15
DEATH.
BY a. C. swINBURNE.

Death, if thou be or be not, as was said
Immortal if thou make us naught, or we
SurVive-thy power is made but of our dread,
Death, if thou be.
Thy might is made out of our fear of thee:
Who fears thee not hath pucked from off thine head
The crown of cloud that darkens earth and sea.
Earth, sea, and sky, rain vapor shed,
snail vanish; all the shows of them shall fee:
Then shall we know full surely quick or dead
Death, if thou be-
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15

MEMPHIS, Tenn, contains haunted
courthouse.
Illinois Staats-zeitung., 1883-09-10
2~9ochenflichc S0incis Sfaafs-Beiffume.

lub tpabre MammltD7 Olelonen ausgeitellt,
Die allgemein ~beipunbert tperben, uno Serr
Souls S. StepbcnS DDn SadionptIle bent
nit allerlei iebenSplrot8en Surtoiitdten
Ieines Staates, Wtul0tln, &oraIlen,
S6tpGmme &C., morin Ser sc. 6. gSonlz
bolot aus berielben StaOt nit ibnl iuett1
ebert.
g. 9. s.
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
Medical Curiosities.

DR.. F. G. Valentine, who for several
years practiccd medicine in Central
America, has written of the "metiical
curiosities of the home practice in
that country. Many of their resorts
are curious and amusing, such as the
administration of frog soup for all
skin diseases. but several are worth
worth quoting because they are proba-
bly, useful suggestions for anyone, as
follows:
Marshmallow leaves are largely used
in poultices and for painful hemor-
rhoids.
A tea of chamomile flowers is con-
sidered tonic and useful in indigestion,
and when hot in collie, whether stom-
achic or uterine.
Three ounces of fiaxseed in two
quarts of water, reduced by boiling to
one quart, with an ounce of mamma
and the juice of sweet orange, pro-
vides a drink in cases of dysentery,
which DR.. V. holds fast to, having
proved it. to be good DR.. Foote's
Health Monthly.
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
Influence Of Iron.
way.

Does the increasing transfer of iron
from the interior to the surface of the
earth, asks Knosoledge, exercise any
meteorological influence? Is it in any
marked way influential on electric cur
rents, and thence does it affect magnet
ic storms? This is a question which
needs little thought to answer safely.
The development of railways, and the
almost universal substitution of iron
for wood wherever it is practicable to
use that metal, must surely exercise a
decided influence of its own. Every
year more and more of the iron former
ly buried in the earth is spread upon
its surface, and it is surely reasonable
to assume that, electrically at least,
some effect is produced; how far we
may venture, as some seem now dis
posed to do, to translate this into a me-
teororical agency is problem for sci
ence to determine.
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
The Clerk WiIted,

A few days before Congress ad-
journed Senator Harris, of Tennessee,
rather plain-loolxing old gentleman,
went into the room of the Senate COM
mittee on claims to look up the case of
Tennessee friend. The clerk of a
Senate committee is always a bigger
man than the chairman, or the presi-
dent of the Senate for that matter
The clerk of this particular committee
had never seen Harris before, and he
did not like the somewhat imperative
way in which Harris asked for inform
alton about his friends claim. "Are
you the claimant ?" he finally asked.
sharply. NO." said Harris, 81 am
not" "Are you his attorneyp" still
more sharply. mo" said Harris as
quietly as before, II am not" "Well,
then, what interest have you in the
case?" asked the clerk in the high
keyed -George-Bliss tone. "Oh." not
lnuch," said the senator blandly; "but
the people down there sent me to the
Senate, and as the claimant in this case
is my constituent thought the best /
could do was to ask about it." For
once the clerk wilted.--1roy Times.
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
A Great American.

Henry Cabot Lodge says in the Allan
tic Monthly: The universal preva-
lence of the colonial spirit is
shown most strongly by one
great exception, just as the flash
of lightning makes us realize the in
tense darkness Of thunder storm at
night In the midst of the provincial
and barren waste of our intellectual
existence in the eighteenth century
there stands out in sharp relief the
luminous genius of Franklin. 1t is
true that Franklin was cosmopolitan
in thought, that his name and fame
and achievements in science and litera-
ture belonged to mankind; but he was
all this because he was genuinely and
intensely American. His audacity,
his fertility, his adaptability, are all
characteristic of America, and not of
an English colony. He moved with
an easy and assured step, with poise
and balance which nothing could
shake, among the great men of the
world; he stood before kings and
princes and courtiers, unmoved and
unawed. He was strongly ayerse to
breaking with England; But when the
war came he was the one man who
could 60 forth and represent to Europe
the new nationality without touch of
the colonist about him. He met them
all, l,grcat ministers and great sovereigns,
on common ground, as if the colonies
of yesterday had been an independent
nation for generations. His autobiog-
raphy is the cornerstone, the first
great work of American literature
The plain, direct style, almost worthy
of Swift, the homely, forcible language,
the humor, the observation, the know
ledge of men, the worldly philosophy
of that remarkable book, are familiar
to all; but its best and, considering its
date, its most extraordinary quality is
its perfect originality. 1t is Ameri-
can in feeling, without any taint Of
English colonialism. Look at Frank
lin in the midst of that excellent Penn
sylvanian community; compare him
and his genius with his surrounding,
and you get better idea of what the
|
colonial spirit was in America in those
days, and how thoroughly men were
saturated with it, than in any other
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
The lluIhan Skin.

If you could see piece Of your skin
through microscope you would see
long lines of ridges and hollows that
look more like rl'wed ground than
anything that l can think of. The
ridges are divided into little conical
elevations in which nerve terminates
or else passes around it; and here lies
the sense of touch. In the hollows arc
the pores that are the open
ings of the sweat ducts. What are
these, do you ask? Well, they are
minute tubes which, Strengthened out,
would be about a quarter of an inch
long, that start in the tissue beneath
the derma and wind spirally up through
the skin until the upper sur
face is reached where its open end ter
inmates. The other end is twisted in
to sort of knot which is contained in
little sac, and this is surrounded by
blood vessels.
The number of these little sweat
ducts or glands is astonishing. It is
estimated that in every square inch of
skin there are at least $500, and, as in
person of ordinary size there are
$500 square inches of surface, these
glands count up 100000. Only
think of it-7,00O,0OO pores to keep
open through whole lifetimel If
these tubes were put together end to
end there would be one long canal of
about twenty-eight miles. How is
that for system of sewage ge?-Tozedo
Blade.
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
King AIcOhOl's Way.

A young man by the name of Muir
ply, living in London, went home the
other night, and instead of finding a
warm welcome and hot supper, he
found his mother stone dead on the
floor, with her head firmly wedged in a
tin saucepan. She was in liquor when
her son left her, and the medical evi-
dence went to show that she had
pitched forward upon the floor and
driven her head into the saucepan so
securely that she could not extricate it,
and had consequently died of suffoca-
tion. Since the dawn Of creation the
king of terrors has welded an infinite
variety of weapons, but probably
never before confronted his victim
with a saucepan,
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
Troubled.

dearest, sweetest, what is it Are
you sick? What ails my precious
pet?" and the young husband bent
tenderly over the graceful form
of his blllshing bride.
"Oh, Adolphus Edward, its too
dreadful for anything"
"Bad news from home?"
"Worse, worse Oh, what shall I
do?"
"Tell your own darling hubby"
"It's that awful Selma Tarbox,
she's"
"She's what, my precious?'
"She's got bonnet trimmed exact
ly like mine, and to-morrow's Sun.
dayr'
Then the afflicted beauty buried her
face in her husbands breast and trick
led her pearly tears all over his three
dollar shirt-Chicago Eye.
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
Buying q Horse.

The Turf, Field and Farm says
that in buying horse first look at his
head and eyes for signs Of intelligence.
temper, courage and honesty. Unless
a horse has brains you cannot teach
him to do anything well. If bad quail
tiles predominate in horse, education
only serves to enlarge and intensity
them. The head is the indicator of
disposition. A square muzzle, with
large nostrils, evidences an ample
breathing apparatus and lung power.
Next, see that he is well and clean cut
under the jowl, with jawbones broad
and wide apart under the throttle.
Breadth and fullness between the ears
and eyes are always desirable. The
eyes should be full and hazel in color
ears small and thin and rhrown wei
forward. The horse that turns his
ears back every now and then is not t.
be trusted lie is either a bitter or a
kicker, and is sure to be vicious in
other respects, and, being naturally
vicious, can never be trained to any
thing well, and so horse with a
rounding nose, tapering forehead and
a broad, full face below the eyes is al
ways treacherous and not to be de-
pended on. Avoid the long legged,
stilted animal always choosing one
with a short, straight back and rump,
withers high and shoulders sloping,
well set back and with good depth of
chest, fore legs short, hind legs
straight, with low down hook, short
pastern joints, and round, mulish
shaped foot. b. observing the above
directions horse may be selected that
is graceful in bis movements, good
natured and serviceable- that will
be prize to the owner
Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-05-12
The Oyster.

In communication to the Philadel-
phia Medical and Surgical Journal, DIR.
Charles L. Dana, of New York, points
out some prevalent errors concerning
oysters. 1t has been said that the oys-
ter, on account of its hepatic diastase,
has the power of digesting itself. In
series of experiments, DIR. Dana has
given the mollusk some excellent oppor-
tunities of doing SO, but it declines to
digest even its own liver. AS to the
superior digestibility of raw oysters
over cooked, it was found that when
boiled for a short time, or roasted in
the shell, they were nearly if not quite
as rapidly dissolved as the raw,
Cooking, in fact, loosened the muscu.
lar fibrils, thus allowing the peptic
juices to penetrate.