The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1883-01-23
NEW YEARS CALLS.
Mr.. and Mrs. Spoopendyke Discuss
the Matter at Length.
Brooklyn Eagls.


Brooklyn Eagls.
"My DEAR" said Mrs. Spocpendyke,
backing away from her refreshment ta-
BILE and regarding the effect with her
head very much on one side; "my dear,
what are you going 10 wear when you
make calls on Monday?"
"Clotbes, | suppose" returned Mr.
Spoopendyke, looking up from his pa
per. "Why, has the fashion changed
recently about wearing clothes p and
Mr.. Spoopendyke regarded his wife with
an anxious look of inquiry.
= "But you.sasah wear your swallowta
coat. by all means," continued Mrs
Spoopendyke. "All the gentlemen
wear swallow-tall coats on New Years
day now."
well, il you think you are going to
strap me up in two tined coat and start
nae around this town looking like the
head waiter Of a dollar-and a-half sum.
mer resort, you're just as badly left as q
one armed man at church supper! !
may be dod gas,ed ass enough to hop
around to the various cid hen roosts
wishing the contents happy New Year
hut when you melt me into clothes.
pin jacket it'll be when reason no Longer
holds her seat in this dod gasted brain y
with which happy application of tritt
quotation Mr.. SpoopendYke settled him
self back and contemplated his wife wit
lofty glance of superiority.
"Of course, il you don't want to,
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, soothlngly
"there wont be any very great objec
ton raised to your business suit. Be
sides, nos that l think OF it, the moth,
got into your dress coat. and I dom
think it is fit to be seen," and she put /,
few finishing touches on her table, and
admired it from another standpoint.
"Let's see it," demanded Mr.. Spoo.
pendyke, springing from his chair ant
making for his closet. closely followed
by his wife. "Whai's the matter will
it2 What's the moth got to do witt
litP Who put moths in it?" and Mr.
Spoopendyke rummaged around ant
fred his clothing in all directions in hi;
vain search for the particular garment
"Where is it ?" he howled. scattering hi.
wardrobe broadcast. Have the measl,
moths eaten them up? Didn't they leav,
even button hole? Show me my
coat! Bring out the split iD the tails
II there's nothing else left, give me ont
last, fond glance at the arm holes J" anG
Mr.. Spoopendyke kicked his best trou.
sers to the ceiling, following them witt
vest, which he supplemented with {
pair of boots. "Show me the Grea
North American m,th fodder! Fetch
forth unparalleled diet for the measly
moth! Are we nation T" yelled Mr.
Spoependyke, iamming bis thumb il
the door and hopping around the room
with the injured digit in his mouth "DoG
CAST the door!" he howlei, bringing it s
prodigious kick that bent his leg up On.
der him like school girls.
"Did you hurt yourself, dear ? asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, wringing her hands
and lodging the flying boots AMI cloth.
ing
"Does it look as if I'd hurt the door
any ?" demanded Mr. Spoopendyke,
iabbing his thumb in his armpit and
bending double with the pain. "Does
that door give the impression of having
smashed its thumb anywhere Why
didn't the moths eat the door2 Hoist
'em out and give 'em a feed!' And
Mr.. Spoopendyke caught the offending
wicket by the knobs and tugged until he
was out of breath.
"Perhaps it isn't so bad after all,'
murmured Ms. Spoopendyke, following
him around the room in the fruitless ef-
fort to catch up with him.
"Pr'aps it ain't!" roared Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, holding his thumb out at arms
length. "Pr'aps you've got some
scheme for making it worse! Oh, go
ahead! Don't mind me! Take the
thumb, friend, and do your worst!" And
Mr.. Spoopendyke dropped into his chair
and groaned with wrath. "It's a good
thing for the family that I can control
myself" he howled. "If / was like
most men the lot on which the house
stands would be good place to build y
with which solemn prophecy Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke sprang to his feet, kicked the
chair into the obnoxious closet and
snorted aloud.
II didn't mean your thumb, dear" ex-
plained Mrs Spoopendyke. 81 was
talking about the coat May be the coat
isn't in such bad condiuon as I sup:
pose it was at first
"rhink they left pocket any where p
inquired Mr.. Spoopendyke, with grim
ace, half pain and half anger. 30
pr'aps you think that since the moths
eat the coat can wear the moths Bring
them out! Hold EN- up while / climt
into the sleeves! That's your idea
That's the notion that's been bothering
you so long2"
81 don't know but what you can wear
the coat, anyway ?" chirped Mrs Spoo-
pendyke, looking cheerfully, and open
ing the door of her closet, where Sue
had carefully hung the coat after spong-
ing 1t that very day. You can look al
it anyhow" and she brought it out
looking as new and fresh as when he
bought it.
Then there's something you DOM
know2" be grumhled, eyeing his r.ju-
venated garment with critical eye "It
all You don't know could only be dump.
ed in together, what an idiot asylum il
would make for some young aud grow
inc territory. Taking you all in ell
you only want an air pump and glass
side to be dod ghasled vacuum. Gim-
me the coat" and Mr.. Spoopendykt
grasped his garment, and threw it over
his wife's work basket for safe keeping
and then went to bed, wrapped 10 /;
clowd of growls.
81 don't care" murmured Mrs Spoo
pendyke; sit was the only way l coulf
have got bin, to wear the coat, and it;
no sure thing that be will wear it now
anyway, l don't think he will wear hit
new kid gloves ! bought him unless hil
thumb gets better fast, and il he cant,
can change them for pair that will e
me" and with this thrifty determination
Mrs. Spoopendyke crawled into bed ant
dreamed all night Of whole regiment
OF callers, in swallow tails, with sor
thumbs for hats and closet doors TO
walking sticks.