The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-08-08
COMIC COMMENTS.
The plumbers motto-Pay the piper.

OOMiO GOMME
The plumbers motto-Pay the piper.
A girl of the period-A female composition.
A picked nine-The quart of early straw
berries.
1t takes some headwork to manage q
"scull"
1t only takes pound of muscle to make
prize-fght.
The hired girl with the dust-rag is the
chair-rub of the family.
Why are seven days like a spell of sick
ness? Because they make one week.
1t is easy to make the dull boy smart.
Cut his finger and apply salt water.
A man whose best works are always
trampled under foot-A carpet manufactur.
ar.
There seems to be no call for an exhibit
ton of grief at circus. Yet the audience
is always in tiers.
Mr. Henry Cake was arrested the other
night for hammering his wife with a club.
Sort Of hattercake, as it were.
A gray-headed employee on the Metro
poliian Railroad is called . silver top" Sill
yer being tip-top conductor.
Some new picnic baskets are lined with
white satin" So says fashion note. For
color we would suggest crushed eustard-pie.
A burglar who has climbed up to a garnet
window on a ladder is arrested by a voice
shouting, Halo, there, what do you
want? ?" "May ask you for a glass of
fresh water FRtgende Btatter.
g 1 wish my hair cropped very close"
remarked Charles to the barber, !" and"
dropping his voice, I'll come in the last Of
the week and pay you" Charles still wears
his hair long the barber was willing tc
single but not "slpte" him.-Boston
Courier.
A gentleman in Brooklyn, celebrating
the birth of daughter on the day of the
opening of the bridge, proposed to call hel
Victoria, in honor of the Queens birthday,
whereupon friend (not an Alderman sug.
gested that more appropriate name would
be Bridget Neao York Post.
The Woman's Club, of this city, listened
to an exhaustive paper on coal" read by
one of its members. Reporters were not
admitted, SO that it cannot be stated
whether, in the opinion of the club, coal
should be brought up by the husband, with
the kindling, or separately Pftts5l1y.
Telegraph.
At q fashionable, wedding in New York
the ceremony was performed under floral
umbrella. This was probably little sug-
cestion of the brides mother, who wanted
the groom to understand by the emblem
that he ought to put up something for
rainy day.-Hdrttoid Times. Oh, no! Il
was suggestion for parasoltaire diamond
ear rings.
Summer resort notes; Mount Washing
ton has been lowered several feet for the
benefit of asthmatic climbers. South
ampton, L. l., this year, the size of the
summer boarders' cells is to be reduced te
3x7.-The finest Para rubber is used in the
construction Of the CLAIMS to be served ai
likely to be crowded as soon as Philadel-
phians learn that the summer is here. This
they will probably discover somewhere in
August or eptember.-Long Beach has
been extended by the addition of nearly a
peck of sand, and the surf, which was in an
unfinished condition last summer, will here
after roll regularly and will be carefully
kept moist. PUCK.
All is not gold that glitters: Gus De
Smith was seen on the streets yesterday
looking as if there had been several deaths
IN the family Z" What's the matter, Gus ?"
asked friend. al have lost my big
diamond breast-pin and am afraid some
body will find it," 81 don't understand
you. l should think you would want it
found. You ought to offer o large reward
for it." 'rd be willing-now this is con-
hdential--Pd be willing to offer reward
10 the man who wouldn't find it, for if it is
tound it will be taken to jewelry store
and be analysed, and then the world
will know that oil is not gold that glitters
and that I only paid dollar and half 70,
it."-Ieras SJtings
He loved his horse; The Kentuckian's
admiration for fine horses is the strongest
feeling in his nature. He cares very little
whether or not the public entertains favor
able opinion of him, but he wants everyone
to think well of his horse Some time ago
the editor Of the Kentucky State Journal,
published at Newport published local
item concerning horse well known in the
community. Shortly afterward man en-
tered the Office with revengeful air and
said My name is Squire Jaggers and l
am not a tender-hearted man, let me tell
you. understand that you have flung re-
Elections on the character of my horse. y
don't know" replied the editor, "that
said anything derogatory to the character Of
your horse. merely insinuated that YOU
stole the animal, but did not say anything
to in the least injure his character
That's all right, then. don't care who
says stole him, but blamed if any man
shall say that he can't run.n--Arhansa.s
Trapeler.