The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-06
WIT AND uUMoR,

thc freshness Oh youth IN brought out Dl
hot water.-lN. o. Picayune.
The course OF true love is oi,en blocked b,
an onion Puck.
lie believes in cremation, but he deeline
to join the association. mo, sir, it ism
necessary. ! live in the fifth story of New
York hotel, ~ Puck.
Revenge is sweet. Take your mother-in
law to the skating rluk aud induce her I,
put on the rollers.-L Lowell Citizen.
The Country Ooaen--Ch0rging ten dollar,
week for board in a rickely farm housC
hat lets IN rain and lightnng,- Puck.
Alta medical examination Il young u.s.
| p'rans for q physiclau's diploma wa,
asked: when does modification rnSue?
When you propose and are rel ted. -
| Free Press.
| A Nebraska coroner held six different in.
quests on the shoulder blade of an OK be.
| fore he would give NJ that some Chicago
| athlete had not been iouly dealt with
! Free Press.
Freddie GeLhordt pretends that he does
not like tho new scarf pin that has been
named Tor him. 1t represents Il little gold
donkey with brass ia1e,-I New Orleans
Picayune.
Man IN Colorado poisoned biscuit for
rats. Mother-m-law ate. the biscuit. This
was rats for the man IN Colorado, VINO now
believes in ospecr proy,dences.-IE Ere
Press.
They have nice old lady IN South Bos-
ton OF the genuine Darlington variety. She
recently alluded TO the illness of II ,rend
with: You see he mad digestion of the
lungs, aud then il settled into ammonia. -
EX.
In one month the owner OF Il three min
ute horse lied ninety -four times Regarding
his speed. AT this rate how many times
Wouid he lie ~ Il yea, aud how would 1t
help the speed Of the horse ony?-[F Free
Press.
Soap bubbles can be blown to size of
two feet IN diameter and kept two DAYS by
using preparation of oleate of soda and
gIycerlne. Science has discovered this. IL
VIII soon lind way 10 pack soap bubbles
and ship them TO Europe New Orleans
Poayune.
IL don't want no rubbish, no fine senti-
menls, if you please" SAID the widow who
was asked what kinu Of an epitaph she d.
sired Tor her late husbands tombstone
let 10 be short and simple-somcthing
like this; william Johnson, aged IS wears.
The good die young NJ Brooklyn Eagle.
y Judge having fallen asleep during II
trial Lawyer \. suddenly ceased pleading
and eXcla'me ~ VIII wit dutil his honor
wakes before lilishing." but answered
the opposing COUNSEL perhaps his honor
VIII wait until you have finished before
waking. ~ From The French.
Rev. Mr.. Talmage says the eye winks
thirty thousand times day. When the
owner of that eye enters drug store, the
clerk behiud the soda water fountain can
DICK the right wink out of u hundred the
iirst time. Mr. ralmage fails to explain
this wonderful mlndreading power on the
part ct the clerk.-E Norrstown Herald.
One chats in salon Of brusque reverse
OF fortune overcome . mar OF the world,
lie himself viii console" said some one,
tho time is u grand uaster" Not al
ways responded Madame de "; II have
had IN my life Violent chaSl.p "a, and | Won
swear that the time not 1t has etlaced +"
The WHAT My first Wrinkle French
paper.
Mr. de Z. iS in visit with Il pointer; he
looks NJ II portrait. "WhaC beautiful
pointing That is hot OF tone in de,n :
bravo! That is livius that is superb! But
for what have you chosen u model at figure
IDIOT ~ Take guaru, mister, that is my
slster!n "Ah, Saprjsti Thousand par.
dons-that is true; at the resemblance
should-have ought me in to.doubt. Paris
paper.
II wonder what is tue matt n with Mr..
Brown said the landlady "he seems to
be very angry about something. Why, you
should have seen him grinding his teeth
just now in Inc hall" Perhaps" sug.
gested Eogg, "he is only getting them in
order before tackling one of your beef.
steaks" The landlady smiled, but there
was murder in her heart Boston Tran.
script.
Georgia comes to the front with man
who eau hold barrel of whisky above his
head and drink out OF the bunghole.
Though there is comparatively very little
difference in the weight of whisky and
water, the man has not yet tried to prove
that he can drink out of a barrel of water
in the same manner. Whisky prompts
some men to eXertion that would burst a
blood vessel were anything else the consid-
eration.-[ Peck's Sun
Every man to histrade: Heavy tIagedian
at railway hotel--"Prithee, landlord, dwells
there within the precincts OF this hamlet a
machinist?' Laudlord-"A machinist ?
Yes, sir" Tragedian-"lhen take to him
this bird of many springs Bid HIM wrench
asunder these iron limbs, aud then, Tor our
regalemont, TO chiscl slices from its unyleld
ing bosom, for we would dine anon. And,
pray you, do it quickly. Yon ueas you
need not carry, for the. :, With dextrous
management, we can swallow whole.
Away Life.
The Scarlet, Cardinal Red, Old Gold.
nj No