Bismarck tribune., 1883-08-03

SEVERE exchange advises noisy candlua1e
to serve an Injunction on his mouth.
SULLIVAN, the .polic-beg pardon, s'ugger
drinks nothing but straight punch.
PRESIDENT AR1HuR has put himself on rec
ord "a in favor of the striking operators.
THERE are 46a Sunday schools in Dakota
Who dares assert that we are not good.
WESTERN astronomer predicts that big
comet will shortly come along and knock the
spots off the sun.
sr. PAUL ticket scalpers are at war and you
can ride from that city to Chicago for the price
of four Bismarck beers.
Cu1cAao HERA1D:-A lieutenant in the army
hiss drawn $4,000 prize in lottery. This
solves the poker question.
A Brooklyn man asked his wife to commit
suicide just as a matter of accommodation, and
the good, obliging soul, did so.
TIE high license law is SO strict in Kansas
City No., that the people have to cross over into
prohibition Kansaa to get drink.
EDISON writes to the telegrsphic strikers: II
want it understood that if any Of the boys want
anv money let them draw on me-"
"To think that he should strike and be earn
ing no money and right in the ice cream season,
too! Oh, its too bad!-[ Photographers Best Girl
MIR. DORSEY threatens to "shove the branded
iron of Justice across the slick vanished table
Of infamv." No extra charge for reserved seats
FORMER state senator of Nevada is now
driving hack in Virginia City. Even state
senators can reform if they will only make de-
termined effort.
HURON LEADER: On recent west bound train
there were just eighty-nine babies. 1t Is not
surprising that there were few squalls in Da-
kota about that time.
AYouNa lady named Proddy is lurking about
Milwaukee looking for father for her lliegltl-
mate son. Considerable interest is manifested
in the Proddy gal son.
A New YORK young woman went around tne
dog show and kissed all the pups. The next
buss her lover got must have been one that WILL
linger on his memory fol all time.
THERE was an unusually large attendance at
the New York churches last Sunday. 1t was the
first opportunity the telegraph boys have had to
attend church for 10! these many days.
The Goal Oil Johnny who was killed by
his wife at Terre Hante was Cincinnati bunko
sharp and thief, and not Johnny Steele, the orig
ihal celebrity bearing that sobriquet.
A WESTERN style of scarf pin ID in The form
of tree with a rope dangling from big
branch.-1Ex. This is undoubtedly another
FORM of the lynch pin.-[ Pittsburgh Telegraph.
THIS is a country of great opportunities.
Twenty-Five years agoa young Scotch boy ar
rived at Castle Garden with only twelve cents
in his pocket. Now he is 8l,6OO,00O in debt.
AHA! It is out at last! Prince Bismarck is
passionately fond Of the American watermelon.
This!is the foundation of all the trouble he has
had with his royal and distinguished stomach
IT ia a curious coincidence chat if the cholera
should break out in this country this year it
will be the third time it has done go at inter-
walls of seventeen years. In 1882 it ragged vio-
lently here; so it did in l849, and again, but
more mildly, in 1866.
VENNoR guesses is correctly for orce. In his
predictions for the 10Th inst. he announced that
there would be intense electrical manifesta-
tions" and on that date the strike of the slight
ming bugs began. Give thelprophet oneimark on
the credit side. d,
SOUTHERN Indiana man claims to have
killed snake eighteen feet nine inches in
length. With nothing Eut the sluggish Ohio
river separating his locality from Kentucky it
really seems that he could, get hold of better
brand of whisky if he would only try.
AwoMAN at Akron, Ohio, who had been mar
ried four times was asked, "When are you go
ing to be married agsin?" "Never! I shall
always remain single. I hate man." was her
reply. She is entirely too hasty. She should
give our downtrodden sex fair trial before
giving up. ..,rs .
MRS. LANarRY says she is going to write a
book on her impressions of the United States.
If Anthony Comstock wasn't SO ALFRED solic.
itous for the morals Of this country, some one
could write book on his Impressions of Mrs.
Langtry that would cause tidal wave of inter-
eat to roll from Maine to California.
A PROMINENT Iowa greenbacker says: Il
know as fact that can get nearer to heaven il
fifteen minutes with three straight drinks OF
whisky than any other way know Of. I know
because have tried it," new plan of saliva
tion will now probably be incorporated as .
strengthening plank in the greenback platform.
ONCE upon time when great flood swept
down the Missouri settler released his hogs
from %ho;r ,,ov and drOvo them tn HIGHER