McCook weekly tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 188?-1886, 1883-10-25
The Army of Key Losers.

marked New York locksmith, "that
my place doesn't appear particularly
amusing. But if you had been in this
business as long as have-nigh on
forty years-you'd have come across
some interesting little circumstances.
don't believe that there are any queerer
men on earth than the regular chronic
key cranks.
''Now, here is acouple of dozen keys,
all of exactly the same pattern, that
am making for one man. He doesn't
know that l am making them; but l
know that he's sure to call for one of
these keys pretty regularly once q
week until they're all gone. He's a
genuine 'loser,' and the most curious
thing about the matter is that ne has
not the remotest idea of how or where
he ever lost a key. A few weeks ago
he had small closet made to hold du-
plicate. Well, as no men are so ready
to lock things up as key losers, the first
thing he did was to have lock put on
his closet. Then, of course, he used to
lose that key, too, and every few days
he would have to break open his little
cupboard with a hammer Finding after
while that he was losing two keys in
stead of one, he had to return to the
old plan.
81 have one customer who expects
me to have duplicates of his keys
always on hand, not at the shop, but at
my house, for he always loses them late
at night, latch-key and all. Four or five
nights in the year hear a tremendous
ring at the door bell. L holler sAll
right!' out of the window, and then
grab the duplicate bunch and slip down
stairs with it. Lor, bless you! I always
know who it is. believe he is a LAWYER,
and I'm told that he emphasizes his
points in after-dinner speeches by
poking his biggest key in the palm of
his hand. Where he puts them after
wards he never knows, and he isn't the
kind of man to give himself away by
inquiring.
"a customer that had for six years
told me once how he got lesson. 1t
seems that he had always had to work
on a particular plan-couldn't stop it.
He would first take out his key, and
then sit on his doorstep to pull off his
boots. During the latter operation he
would lay down his key and lose it, and
be obliged to ring. Sometimes he would
lose both the key and the boots; but he |
never dared to mention the fact at the |
breakfast table. He asked me Once-it |
was the day after Christmas to guess
what present his wife had given him.
Well, sir, it consisted of eleven night |
keys and three pairs of boots. Between |
the servant girl and the milkman the
crop had been gathered in and given to |
the old lady in a single year.
s'There's one fact l never could &C
count for, and that is how men with |
good memories otherwise will fail in |
the matter of keys. A man sent for me |
from down town on three occasions to |
pick lock for him when he had the |
key about him each time. He was one |
of the regular losers, and had tried all |
sorts of ways to get over the habit. At |
last he tied the key around his neck. |
When he sent for me he was trying one
pocket after another in a perfect fury. |
Just as 1 got the picker to work he
yelled, Great Jerusalem! Here it is
around my neck!' He did the same
thing twice.
elbow do people in general lose keys?
Well, with them it is mere carelessness |
and forgetfulness, and they generally
find them again. 1t requires a genu-
inc key crank to lose key instantan-
eously, completely, and forever.
"Who was the queerest key loser I
ever knew? Take him altogether, 1 |
think the most peculiar was a customer
1 had during. the last two or three years
1 was in London. He was a green
grocer who lived on the Surrey side.
He was so absent minded that whenever
he went into his bedroom for the night
he would lock his door and take out the
key, as he had done an hour previously
at his store. This act ON his part was,
according to his own account, always
performed unconsciously, as was the
subsequent act of hiding it. He was a
most ingenious hider, and the conse-
quence was that once or twice every
week he would forget where he had
hidden the key, and, finding
himself locked in, would hammer away
at the door until my arrival. This habit
was at last the indirect cause of his
nearly losing his life. One morning
when he was banging away at his door
his brother, who was in the hallway
outside, concluded to give the impris-
oned green grocer a lesson which might
cure him. So he raised the cry of fire.
The grocer became wild and threw
himself against the door, but it was of
thick oak and the lock was a heavy one.
Then he threw the furniture at it and
tried every means in his power to es-
cape, but to no purpose. At last, in
his desperation he rushed to the window
and prepared to leap. His brother, by
good fortune, heard the movement, and
IL. Ill i 4lo4 4 L., l