The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-08-18
HOW MY WIFE WENT TO MARGATE.

I have been married to the dear
creature four years, and my first-sight
appreciation of her has but been en-
HANGED by the contiguity. Her patent
attractions of ethereal blue eyes, her
aureole of golden hair, and her form
of hamadryad, l have found to be the
least of her charms. Bewitching feat
ures of character but dimly suspected
by me when led to the altar the blush
ing Lucy-Lucy Briggs was her name
till l changed it to Wiggins-have in
these four years developed and bios
somed forth; vistas of rapture, then UNI
opened, now grow wider and wider
each month of my married life; and, in
short, No. II Stockcherry-terrace,
"Highgate, is bower of bliss.
Two cherubs, a boy and girl, Potty
ii. e. Philpot, after his uncle in the
Reconstruction Office and lofty,
promise to transmit to posterity the
qualities l have family indicated above.
/ speak, of course, of her virtues only.
1t behoves me to keep a dry pen with
regard to myself, though my friends
persist in declaring unexpectedly after
supper at my house-to be a decent
sort of fellow. | generally 60 ''home
to tea from my business of mer-
chant in oleaginous products, and there
is no man, | may confidently say, who,
both literally and metaphorically,
pitches more into the mullins than | do.
The houses in Stockcherry-terrace
have each small front garden and a
larger back garden. As regards geo.
logic formation, no doubt our gardens
are like the rest. On investigation it is
found that in all suburban gardens
there is underneath two inches of mould
Chat at one shilling and pint of beer
the barrow-load) an alluvial deposit of
cinders, after which you come upon the
pleistocene formation of brickbats, and,
probing deeper still, the pleiocene mud.
But coming to the surface, there are no
gardens in the terrace which can vie
with ours in horticultural excellence
They are, in the summer season, a per-
feet Eden Our tree-yes, we have a
tree-is splendid specimen of what
our maid Anne calls the ''black popu-
lar" evidently confusing it somehow
with the Christy Minstrels. Our lawn
is as smooth shaver as the amateur the
atrical gentleman next door; our ger
aniums furnish me with 'button-holes"
which are the envy of the whole city
tram; and for aromatic pain, no one
else's carnations are Gin it, with ours
Then l have greenhouse four feet
square. have actually produced there
an oFssnGG III medical ca fat attendance for
Potty, was an undoubted specimen of
the fruit. And my wife, my Lucy, per-
feet on all sides of her character, not
only hoes and rakes occasionally in
the wrong place, but that l forgive),
but she has her own pet interests as
well. Now it is an aquarium, which,
though it leaks over the drawing-room
carpet, is painted a most beautifufgreen
A little while ago she had a splendid
Persian cat, and even tortoise, whose
mission in life appeared to be to eat up
my early lettuces and onions. But |
forgave her that, too, as l would any,
thing.
But to my tale. The pleasant June
weather had come and our gardens
were radiant with flowers. The even
ings were deliciously long, and | could
sit under the popular" with pipe and
watch Lucy knit till quite late. The
amateur gentleman could throw up his
back-parlor window and treat us to Sc
lections from the strictly legitimate;"
while the academy for young ladies on
the other side could open its window
also, and practice for our benefit the
most touching of scales. But, alas!
there was a serpent in the Eden, an
added egg in the nest, fiat string in
the angelic harp, bad shilling in the
change, ghost at the banquet, fusel-
oil in the whisky. All householders
will feel for us when I say that we were
suddenly beset by an attack of ''drains. "
Yes, drains. 1t was no use attempt
ing to disguise it. Drains. 1t could
not be that peculiarly high-favored
cheese which had been sent as a great
favor by country aunt, for the odor
persisted long after | had buried the
cheese in the back garden. Nor was it
an escape from gaspipe; for in sum-
mer our meter was always turned off
which precaution, however, never pre-
vented it from registering all the same.
AT one time we thought it must be the
water in the patent filter; but though
the product of that machine was much
worse to taste than the original fluid,
yet the aromatic qualities proved to be
the same in both cases. No, none of
these things was it, or anything else we
could think of, except the drains.
OF course we were much disturbed.
jumping to the worst conclusion, poor
Lucy saw in imagination her hel pless
infants PROSTATE with diphtheria, or
pleuro-pneumonia, or elephantiass, OF
something equally shocking; she,
believe, was to acquire galloping con-
sumption for her own share; whereas
l was to be satisfied with rheumatic
fever, accompanied by softening of the
brain. | tranquilized her as far as !
could, but at best the case was serious.
Day by day the obnoxious intruder be-
came more and more pronounced and
persistent, penetrating from the base
ment to the parlor above, seeming to
thicken like the smoke that came out OF
the fisherman's jar, till we almost ex-
pected to see the genii.
1--WE shall all be burnt in our bedsr'
calculated Lucy, rendered pardonably
illogical by her fears, poor girl.
II must see the landlord" | replied
with determination of the Briton who