The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-04-21
THE WEATHER LIE

There are many kinds of the fsr
family, but the best known is the
weather liar. The older he is the great
er his license to indulge in his favorite
pastime. Every day of the year fur
nishes him with an excuse, and all he
asks is for somebody to talk to- The
weather liar remembers that the winter
Of 1879 was exactly like that of 1891
the spring of 1882 puts him in mind of
the spring of 1924; the cold waves of
the past winter didn't begin with those
in IVA. He can remember winters
when not flake of snow fell, and sum-
mers when there was a frost every 9TH
er night for three months. He has seen
the thermometer drop to forty-seven
degrees below in January, and climb to
1870 degrees in August. He remembers
one year when cherries were ripe in
May, and another when they could not
be picked until November. No matter
what the weather is, the weather liar
has always seen worse. If it SHOWS for
two days he has seen it snow for four.
If it rains for a week, he can remember
when it poured down without break
for three. If you have seen it hot
enough to fry eggs on a stone sidewalk,
he has seen an ak melt on top of lump
of ice.
THE FISH LIAR
ranks second on the list He goes fish
ing about once in five years and spends
the rest of the time in lying about what
occurred. He caught bass weighing
fourteen pounds, but the hook broke
and let him escape. He had bite from
a pickerel four feet long, but stubbed
his toe and couldn't pull up at the
proper moment. He began fishing with
minnows for bait, but the fish bit so
greedily that he finally tied horn but
ton to the hook and pulled 'em out as
fast as he could drop the line. He
caught an even tubful, but while he was
eating luncheon the wharf gave way and
let tub and fish into the water. The
fish liar can be found sitting on the
counter at the grocery of an evening,
all wound up and ready to begin bust
ness, and nothing lets the sunshine into
his life so quick as to get hold of some
one who will gasp out occasionally:
My stars but is that possible?
gHE HORSE LIAR
stands third on the list. He is man
who has had horse which could go in
220. He hasn't got him now, but that
doesn't make any difference. He has
driven that horse in race with an ex-
press train, and taken first money.
And be also had a running horse which
once made dash of twenty-five miles
on bet of $1,000. He hasn't the horse
or the money at the present time, but
he can give you the name of dozen
leading bank presidents and Chief-Jus-
tees who saw that dash.
The horse-liar doesn't stop at living
about his own horses, but he is ready to
put in his best licks on animals he never
saw. He is in the confidence of the
owners of all the celebrated equines. In
his opinion such a track is short and
such a track is long. He doesn't be-
lieve Rarus was ever much of horse,
and he feels that he could drive Gold
smith Maid in three seconds faster than
she ever recorded. He is the identical
man who first saw speed in Flora
Temple, and if he had wanted to be mean
about it, he could have bought her for
ten dollars and an old pillow, and made
80, 900 out of the trade. He knows alb
aboutspayins, ring-bones, poll-eyil, pink
eye and CHAMBERS, and he has sure
cure for each one. His seat is on the
head of the second cracker-barrel from
the stove each evening through
the winter, and when he can come across
some one who has invested fifteen dol
lars and cross-cut saw in an old plug of
horse to use in cider-mill, he is in
his glory. !. e knows all about that
horse; been an awful good stopper; saw
him run away once, and killed two wom-
en-; Rarey tried to tame him, but had
to give it up; reckon he could 90 out
now and give most of the boys the dust;
and so on until the grocer rubs his
sleepy eyes, and regretfIllly says:
Come, you liars, it's time to lock up
and 60 home.-DetroI Free Press.