Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1883-04-17
A Great Wedding and a Gro0m.Ex-
pectant.

The following is the advice given BY
sone wicked newspaper man to tn,
prospective bride of David Davis, jus
before the wedding. Though it was no
needed and the wedding has already
taken place, yet we publish it to Civ,
some idea of the bravery OF the little wo.
man, who in face of all the facts herein
set forth, did cling unto said David Da
Wis and still so clingeth
The marriage OF Senator David Davis
which was to have taken place last
week is said to have been postponed
until some time in March. The bride.
groom has been down TO North Caro-.
lima on visit to the prospective bride
and it is believed that the bride has be-
come somewhat nervous. and desires
that the committee be given further
time. Matrimony is matter that
should4not be treated lightly by girl
under any circumstances, and especially
in a case like this, where the bride,
groom is United States Senator, whose
live weight is between four and five
hundred pounds. OF course it will be
alleged that husband is good thing.
and every body knows that one cannot
have 900 much of good thing, and vet
II ia wise for trusting girl, who is
about to take step that Is for a life
time, unless one of them dies, to look
at the subject of matflmony IN all its
bearings, to look upon the dark side as
well as the bright side Very likely
when the bride is in North Carolina,
and the groom in Washington, the
thoughts Of marriage to great man,
the next man to the presidency, has its
bright and beautiful features, and any
girl would look upon the feature with
high hopes of happiness, hut no doubt
when the great man begins to approach,
aud she gets sight of a quarter section
or so of him coming down the lane,
and sees the workmen taking down the
fences so he can get into the yard, and
she sees her prospective bridegroom
break through the boards of the veranda
and have to be hoisted out with der
rick, and when she walks around him
and comes back to the starting point
tired and heartsick, her heart sinks
within her as she thinks that he is
gaining in flesh every day. The future
no doubt loses its charms, and a hum
dred and twenty-five pound girl cannot
help thinking that standing beside him
in society she would look like an in
FAINT. If the Senator could be cut up
into two or three bridegrooms of
the regular size, and married around
among the different Southern States,
be could do more towards overcoming
the bitterness that is sail to exist be-
tween the North and South than he
could ever do By sitting straddIe of the
fence in the Senate, with one foot on
each side. When girl is married to
an ordinary sized man she takes great
many chances, and knows that she has
got 10 care for him in sickness and
in health, just as though he was baby.
Any man is nuisanca when he is sick,
aud makes q woman fly around and fix
his pills, powders and ginger tea, and
prepare plasters and things real spry.
The Senator is liable to be sick as any
body, and we have no doubt this girl
has c0unted the cost, and realized what
stomach, ache ia his case means. She
must know, if she is an educated girl,
and If up on mathematics, that q mus
tarti plaster for that stomach ache will
have to ne rolled up on quilting frames,
and 10 one woman can put it on where
1t Will do the most good. She has only
to exercise her mental arithmetic and
multiply and compound an ordinary
sized mustard plaster by g hundred to
get the result The poor girl has no
doubt, during this visit of the proposed
bridegroom, figured that crick in the
Senator's back means linime0t by the
gallon or barrel, instead of by the bot-
tie. as would be the case with al ordi-
nary lame back, and she can readily
estimate that the rubbing of barrel of
liEiment into several acres of fat back
10 oh I, 1,
the Senator will mean business, as the
territory that has got to be agitated
with ointment is very great. He is
liable TO take cold. and in fact we re-
member to have read in the dispatches
from the Capital that tho Senator was
suffering with cold. This girl must
realize that cold is no ordinary NAL
ady with him The soaking of his feet
in mustard water would be no sinecure,
certainly, and it is no easy job for frail
wife to carry washboiler full of ginger
tea up two pairs of stairs, and pour it
into suffering, sneezing husband with
a dipper. a cold water compress on such
81 chest will iInpoverish 3 dry goods
store, AID sneeze would jar the teeth
out of those who were too near when it
exploded prematurely. We trust that
the little lady hiss thought of these
things without having her attention
called to them by this paper. but if she
has not, and we shail have been the
means of giving her realizing sense
of the troubles the future has in store
for her, il is we'll The Senator is one
of the best men in the world-able, hon.
est. gallant, and just such a man as any
woman ought to have, if he was only
about one-tbird bis present size. He
might make splendid husband, and it
is possible he might never be sick, and
never cause his wife to get up in the
night to look after the mustard barrel,
but the girl should think of the
possibilities, and be guarded. AS a
lover he may be all her fancy paints
him. We should think he would be
splendid for sparkling, as girl could
cuddle up in his lap and hide herself
in his bosom, and romp around his hur-
rieane deck, and bite his neck, and
have real good time, but when the
tables are turned and he begins to hug
and bite, we should think he would be
liable to break girl all up. This arti-
Gle is not intended to discourage the
North Carolina girl, but to cause her to
think of the disadvantages of small
girl marrying such bonanza of flesh,
ment she has shown in postponing the
wedding for few months, to see if she
is going to grow any more.
-~-S-@
If the correspondent, who. in another
column, writes on the tariff, would not
confiue his reading on that subject to the
organ of the monopOlists, the New York
tribune. he would know that wages in
free trade England are higher than in
those European countries in which there
is protection; that wages have advanced
in England in greater proportion since
the adoption of free trade than before,
and more rapidly than in protected Eu-
ropean countries, and that dollar in
England will bring as much as two
dollars here, owing to free trade, which
reduces the price of everything the la
borer has to consume in order to live
He would also know, if he would read
some of Mr. Wells articles on the tariff,
that protection is really disastrous to
important American industries, as for
instance the iron manufactures in Con-
anrnp Of Whioh xunro r.1ip cd hxy