News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-10-11
A WESTERN TRIP.

A wholesale merchant of New York
city, who has just returned from the
West, admits that he had never given
that country proper credit for its spir-
tied enterprise. As he passed through
Detroit he was sought out and offered a
$50 coffin for $28, with the deed of a
burial lot thrown in. In Chicago a man
offered to kill him for three cents, and
an ice wagon went a square out of its
way to run over him. In Indianapolis
he found one of his old employees, who
admitted an embezzlement as far back as
1859, and forced him to take a check for
principal and interest. He still has the
check to prove it. At Mackinaw they
took him for lord (rate, $8 per day.;
and at Cleveland he was taken for a
bunko-man and had to identify himself
by telegraph. Had he been of an agri-
cultural turn of mind he could have
bought 600 acres of land of a Toledo
man for the trife of $500. The land
was all on the bottom of Lake Erie, and
he would have had no fences to build
nor tst~es to pay. He ret1lrns completely
charmed with the West. Also, minus
his gold watch WaIL Street Neaos.
WHAT SHE SAW IN CHURCH.
He staid at home and she went to
church; after dinner he asked her:
"What was the text, Mary?"
ooh, something some here in Gener-
ations; I've forgotten the chapter and
verse. Mrs. Hugh sal right before me
with Mother Hubbard bonnet on"
GLOW did you like henew minister"
ooh, he's splendid and Kate Darlin
was there in a Spanish lace cape that
never cost a cent less than $50"
"Did he say anything about the new
mission fund.-"
''No, and the Jones girls were all
rugged out in their yellow silks made
over; you would have died laughing to
have seen them"
"It seems you didn't hear much of
the sermon"
'"The fact is, Harry, the new minister
has lovely voice; it nearly put me to
sleep"
A long silence, during which Harry
thought of several things, and his wife
was busy contemplating the sky or view,
when she suddenly exclaimed:
"There I knew I'd forget to tell
you something. Would you believe it,
Harry, the fringe on Mrs. Jones's para
sol is an inch deeper than mine, and
twice as heavy"
HOW HE LOST HIS RECKONING.
A correspondent of a Boston paper
tells of a fellow traveller who amused
him very much. He was a man who
had lost one of the four bundles which
his rather severe wife had entrusted to
his charge.
How'd you come to do it?" she
asked.
q lost my reckonin', Nancy" he
meekly replied; and then, seeing that
she was not in a mood to consider ex-
CllSGS, lC IlluGNl W Lllt Mllll IllC I6SI Ol
the explanation: Il alters keep count
On my fingers, ye see, but my hands
amt reliable no longer" He held up a
hand from which a finger was missing.
81 chopped off that finger las spring,
and that's what upsets my calculations
There WIZ just ez menny bundles ez [
had fingers on the hand that [ told 'em
off on-but it must O been t'other hand.
COULD HAVE SALLY IF HE WANTED HER.
A Detroit lawyer who had business in
one of the northern counties short time
since put in a night at farm house.
It was a log-structure containing two
rooms and such furniture as pioneers
get along with. The family consisted
of an old man, his wife, and girl of
twenty, who was slashing around bare
footed and had fist like a slugger.
After supper the old woman took seat
in front of the lawyer and suddenly
asked:
"Do you wear sich fine duds all the
time?"
"All the time, madam"
'Is that a real diamond in your shirt ?
cit is.
"And [ heard you tell the old man
you had horse and buggy at home%
Eyes, ma am.
"And that watch and chain are real
GOLD | SuDDOSpp"
Eyes, the real stuff. "
Cost as much as $2OO?"
eyes, over $500"
'NIy stars Why, you must get as
much as $40 month and board p she
gasped.
MADAM, sometimes make $50 per
day" he placidly replied.
"Shool Why, you are worth thou
sand dollars?'
eyes, ten times that. Dr."
STARS and stars =
There was an interval of silence as she