Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-03-01
Mlistellaueons &eadiuq.
COUSIN SALLY DILLARD.
BY HAMILTON C. JONES.

COUSIN SALLY DILLAkD.
BY HAMILTON c. JONES.
[Cousin Sally billiard is story that mus
not die, and as it has been some time since
the public have been called upon to laugh
over its exquisite Righteousness, we viii
give it a start again :
SCENE-A court of justice in North Caro-
lima.
A beardless disciple of Themis rises anC
thus addresses the court: "N1ay it please
your worship and you, gentlemen of the
jury, since it has been my fortune good OF
bad, will not say,) to exercise myself il
legal disquisition, it has never betallen me
to be obliged to prosecute 50 direfully mark
ed an assault. A more wilful, violent ant
dangerous battery, and finally more dia
bOlical breach of the peace, has seldom
happened in civilized country, and
daresay it has seldom been your duty tt
pass upon one so shocking to benevolent
feelings, as this which took place over al
Captain Rice's in this county, but you will
hear from the witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined and deposed. One said
that he heard the noise, but did not see the
fight; another that he saw the row but did
not know who struck first, and another that
he was very drunk and couldn't say much
about the skrimmage.
Layer ChOps-1 am sorry, gentlemen, tC
have occupied your time with the stupidi.
ty Of the witnesses examined. 1t arises
gentlemen, altogether from misapprehen.
that had Il witness who was acquainted
with all the circumstances of the case, and
who was able to make himself clearly un.
derstOOd to court and jury, l should not
have trespassed SO long on your patience
Come toward, Mr.. Harris, and be sworn
So forward comes the witness, a fat, chuf:
fy old man, a "leetle" corned, and took his
oath with an air.
Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell about
the riot that happened the other day at
Captain Rice's and as a good deal of time
has already been wasted in circumlOcutiOn
we wish you to be compenduous, at the
same time as explicit as possible.
Harris-Adzakly giving the lawyer a
knowing wink, at the same time clearing
his throat.) Captain Rice, he gin a treat
and cousin Sally billiard she come over tc
our house and aXed me if my wife she
mountn't go: l told cousin Sally billiard
my wife was poorly, bein' as how she had Il
touch of rheumatics in the hip, and the big
swamp was up in the road, there havin
DecIl SlettI utftl VI ldlll ttl0ly DuV iiONoo
ever, as it was she, cousin Sally billiard
NV wife she mout 90. Well then cousin
Sally billiard then aXed me if Nose he
moutn't go? l told cousin Sally billiard
that he was the foreman of the crap, and
the crap was smartly in the grass, but how
soever, as it was she, cousin Sally billiard
Nose he mout 60.
ChOps-In the name OF common sense
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this rig
marOle?
Witness-Captain Rice, he gin a treat
and cousin Sally billiard, she come over tt
my house and asked me if my wife she
moutn't go? And told cousin Sally Dill
lard
Chops-Stop, sir, if you please; we dom
want to hear about your cousin Sally Dill
lard or your wife; tell us about the tigh
at Rice's.
Witness-Well, will sir, if you will lei
me.
Chops-Well, sir, go on.
Witness-Well, sir, Captain Rice he cir
a treat and cousin Sally billiard, she come
over to our house and asked me if my wife
she mountn't go?
Chops-Here it is again. Witness, please
to stop.
Witness-Well, sir, what do you want p
Chops-We want to know about the fight
and you must not proceed in this imperti
nent story. Do you know anything abou
the matter before the court?
Witness-TO be sure do.
Chops-Well, 60 on then, and tell it, ant
nothing else.
Witness-Well, Captain Rice he gin s
treat
Chops-This is intolerable. May it please
the court, move that the witness be com
mitted for contempt. He seems to bt
tritling with the court.
Court-Witness, you are before the cOur
of justice, and unless you behave yoursel
in more becoming manner you will bt
sent to Jail; so begin and tell me what yOl
know about the fight at Rice's.
Witness-Well, gentlemen, Captain Rice
he gin treat, and cousin Sally Dillar-
Court -(after deliberating), Mr.. Attorney
the court is of an opinion that we may save
time by letting the witness go on in hi
own way, Proceed Mr.. Harris, with YOU
story, but stick to the point.
Witness-Yes, gentlemen. Well, Cap
tain Rice he gin a treat, and cousin Sally
billiard she come over to our house and ask
ed me if my wife she moutn'tgo. l told cou
sin Sally billiard that my wife she wasp poorly
bein' as how she had the rheumatics in he
hip, and the big swamp was up, hoWsover, a
it was " she, cousin Sally billiard, MY wife sh'
mout 60. Well then cousin Sally Dillart
then axed me if Nose he moutn't go?
told cousin Sally billiard as how Nose wa
foreman of the crap and the crap it wa
smartly in the grass, but howsoever, as i
was she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose he mOu
go. So they goes on together, Nose, m.
wife, and cousin Sally billiard, and the,
comes to the big swamp and it was up, a
l was tellin' you; but bein' as how ther'
was log across the big swamp, cousin Sail!
billiard and Nose, like genteel folks, walked
the log, but my wife, like darned fool
hoisted her coats and waded through.
Chops-Heaven and earth, this is to-
bad but 60 on.
Witness that is all know abou
the fight.