Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-02-24
THE BAD BOY
Turns Doctor and Worker in the Temper
ance Field.
DISSECTING THE OLD MANS STUN.
MICK WITH 4 PIECE OF ICE.

goose ever since new IedTS udy.
think its wrong for women to tempt
feeble minded persons with liquor on
New Years. 1t is getting SO they
look to me to brace pa up every time
he gets on a tear. and l guess l fixed
him this time so he will never touch
liquor again. I scared him so
his bald head turned gray in a
single night"
What under heavens have you
done to him now," says the grocery
man, in astonishment. Il hope you
haven't done anything you will re-
gret in after years"
Regret nothing" said the boy, as
he turned the lid Of the cheese box
back and took the knife and sliced off
piece of cheese, and took a few
crackers out Of barrel, and sat
down on a soap box by the stove
You see ma was annoyed to death
with pa. He would go home full,
when she had company, and lay down
smell like distillery. 1t hurt me to
see ma cry, and l told her l would
break pa of drinking if she would let
me, and she said if I would promise
not to hurt pa to go ahead, and l
promised not to- Then 1 got my
chum and another boy, quite big
boy, to help, and pa is all right. We
went down to the place where they
sell arms and legs, to folks who have
served in the army, or saw mill, or
thrashing machine, and lost their
limbs, and we borrowed some arms
and legs and fixed up dissecting
room. We fixed long table in the
basement, big enough to lay pa out
on you know, and then we got false
whiskers and moustaches. and when
pa came in the house drunk and
laid down on the sofa, and got to
sleep we took him and laid him out
on the table, and took some trunk
straps, and sircingle and strapped
him down to the table. He slept
right along all through it, and we
| had another table with the false arms
and legs on, and we rolled up our
sleeves, and smoked pipes, just like l
read that medical students do when
they cut up a man. Well, you'd a
dide 10 see pa look at us when he
woke up. l saw him open his eyes,
and then we began to talk about cut
ting up dead men. We put hickory
nuts in our mouths SO our voices
would sound different, that he would
not know us, and 1 was tell
ing the other boys about what
a time we had cutting up
the last man we bought. l said
he was awful tough, and when we
had got his legs OF and had taken
out his brain, his friends come to thu
dissecting room and claimed the
body, and we had to give it up, but I
saved the legs. ! looked at pa on
the table and he began to turn pale,
and he squirmed around to get up,
but found he was fast. 1 had pulled
his shirt up under his arms, while he
was asleep, and as he began to move
/ took an icicle, and in the dim light
of the candles, that were sitting on
the table in beer bottles, l drew the
icicle across pas stummick and l said
to my chum, Doc, l guess we had
better cut open the old duffer and
see if he died from Inflammation of the
stummick, from ard-drinking, as the
coroner said he did Pa shuddered
all over when he felt the icicle going
over his bare stummick, and he said,
For Gods sake, gentlemen, what
does this mean! am not dead.
The other boys looked at pa in as
tonishment and / said, Well, we
bought you for dead, and the coron-
er's jury said you were dead, and
by the eternal we amt going to be
fooled out of corpse when we buy
one, are we Docs' My chum said
not if he knowed his self. and the
other students said, OF course he is
dead. He thinks he is alive, but he
died day before yesterday, fell dead
on the street, and his folks said he
had been a nuisance and they
wouldn't claim the corpse, and we
bought it at the morgue.' Then /
drew the icicle across him again, and
l said, Il don't know about this, doc
tor. find the blood follows the
scalpel as I cut through the cuticle.
Hand me the blood sponge please.
Pa began to wiggls around, and we
looked at him, and my chum raised
his eyelid. and looked solemn, and
pa said. Hold on, gentlemen. Don't
cut into me any more, and can ex-
plain this matter. This is all mis-
take. I was only drunk We went
in corner and whispered, and pa
kept talking all the time. He said if
we would postpone the hog killing
he could send and get witnesses to
prove that lie was not dead, but that
he was respectable citizen and had
a family. After we had held con-
sultation l went to pa and told him
that what he said about being alive
might possibly be true, though we
had our doubts. We had found such
cases before in our practice East,
where men seemed to be alive, but it
was only temporary. Before we had
got them cut up they were dead
enough for all practical purposes.
Then l laid the icicle across pas
abdomen, and went on to tell him
that even it he was alive it would be
better for him to play that he was
dead, because he was such nuisance
to his family that they did not want
him, and was telling him that I had