Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1883-08-22
MIR. and Mrs. y. Ina Trouble.

MY dear" whimpered Mr.. Spoo
pendyke, hobbling into h.s wIfe's room
and throwing himself into chair with
desolate expression of despair on hi,
visage. ''My dear, there is something
the matter with my foot, and | can't
make out what the trouble is
MAY be it's stone bruise," sug
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
That's all you know about it,
grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke, who was
not to be put off with 50 small disas-
ter as stone bruise. II tell you, that
| have got some trouble with my foot
that threatens my life, and You stand
around there like cork in bottle, and
talk about it as though | hadn't got
one leg In my coffin as far as the hip. :"
'Are you sure it isn't a cornr" ha-
Zarded Mrs. Spoopendyke, timidly.
sometimes corns hurt worse than any
thing else; but | never heard of people
dying of them"
mo. it isn't cornl' howled Mr..
SpoOpendyhe. nursing his foot and glar-
ing at his wife with a mingled express
sion of rage and pain. what dye
think this foot Is, anyway; an agricul-
tural district? When did you ever hear
of a corn that reached from the heel to
the knee? Which of your friends ever
had corn that hurt clear to the ear?"
and Mr.. SpOopendyke touched his foot
carefully To the floor and eyed his wife
narrowly to see if she noticed the eX-
preston of agony on his face.
IF 1t acts that way it must be a
buniOni" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke
triumphantly. ''All you have got TO
do is take your boot off and put your
slippers on."
That's it, - yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke
hauling of hls boot and firing it across
the room. when a man is dying of
lnilammatory rheumatism, it's bum
ion! You've got it! y pain that starts
IN the toe, runs to the back of the neck
and ties Ill hard knot over the spine
Is a bunlOnl Show me the buniOn," he
continued, sticking his leg out straight
and pointing his finger at the offending
foot. Take this digit in your lily
white hand and place it tenderly on the
Il
get what killed me! Pick it out of the
surrounding anatomy" he yelled,
wrigSling his foot and bouncing upand
down III his chair in delirium of rage
PLUCK the buniOn from its mountain
fastnesS on the hOof of SpoOpeldyke
and hold 1t up To the gaze of the samel'
Does it hurt" commenced Mrs.
Spoopendyke, sOothingly.
''Hurt!' roared Mr.. SpOopendyke,
springing from his chair ana dancing
around the room like a flea. ''Of
course, it don't. 1t ticklesl Hurt
It's picnic! Say, my dear" and his
Voice was low and tender. ''Say, my
dear, instead of going To the country
tins summer We'll lay in stock of bun
ions and wear 'em around for our health
and recreation! Hurt!r he slrieked,
breaking out i'll Il new spot. s'Hurt
Ii feels like band of musicl That's
what ii is, bunion! 1t took you to hit
II! When | get time To lit you up with
full beard and bottle of whisky IN
going to start "A dispenSary with you! Ii
you'd only improve your mind until
you reached the standard of intelligence
OF a moderate donkey you'd only need
"a stolen corpse and Il bad smell to be Il
Iirst-class medical college!"
say, dear" observed Mrs. SpoOpen-
dyke, VINO had been carefully exploring
her husbands boot; SAY, dear, | think
L have found out what the trouble is.
Ii isn't bunion after all. Here's a
peg sticking out here about quarter
of an inch. If you will have that taken
out ] don't believe you will suffer any
more.n
Mr.. Spoopendyke jammed his hat
over his eyes, showed his feet into his
slippers, grabbed the obnoxious boot
and started for the door with wither-
ing look at his wife as he went out.
Il don't care" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, rs the front door slammed
II don't care. III he has
it taken out, he has to admit that | was
right, and if he doesn't it will hurt him
TILL he dies. don't know which will
be the worse for him, but he Will have
TO do one OF the other"