St. Landry democrat., 1883-01-13
McWILLIAMs' BURGLAR ALARM.

The conversation drifted smoothly
and pleasantly along from weather to
crops. from crop to literature, from lit
.erature to scandal, from scandal to re-
ligion, then took random jump, and
landed on the subject OF burglar alarms.
And now for the first time Mr.. McWill-
Jams showed feeling. Whenever |
perceive this sign on this mans dial [
comprehend it, and lapse into silence.
and give him opportunity to unload his
heart. Said he, with but Uncontrolled
emotion:
Il do not go one single cent on burg
lar alarms, Mr.. Twain-not a single
cent-and I will tell you why, When
we were finishing our house we found
we had little cash left over, on ac-
count of the plumber not knowing it. /
was for enlightening the heather with
it, for / was always unaccountably
down on the heather somehow; but
Mrs. McWilliams said no, let's have a
burglar alarm agreed to this COM
promise. I will explain that whenever
/ want thing, and Mrs. McWilliams
wants another thing, and we decide
upon the thing that Mrs. McWilliams
wants-as we always do she calls that
compromise. Very well: the man
came up from New York and put in the.
alarm, and. CHARGED 1896 for it, and
said we. could sleep without uneasiness
now. So we did for ia while ----say q
month. Then one night we smelled
smoke, and was advised to get up and
sec what the matter was. lit a candle
and started toward the stairs, and met
burglar coming out of a room with a
basket of tin-ware, which he had mis-
taken for solid silver in the dark. He
was smoking pipe, said: ]. My
friend, we do not allow smo King in this
room.'' He said he was a stranger, and
could not be expected to know the rules
of the house; said he had been in
many houses just as good as this one,
and it had never been objected to be-
fore. He added that as far as his eSpe
rience went such rules had never been.
considered to apply to burglars any
way.
the custom. though / think that the con-
ceding of a privilege to burglar which.
is denied to B shop is conspicuous
sign Of the looseness of the times. But
waving all that, what business have
You to be entering this house in this
furtive and elandestine way, without
ringing the burglar alarm !?
HE looked confused and ashamed,
and said. with embarrassment: beg a
thousand pardons. | did not know you
had a bur lar alarm, else | would have
rung it. beg GU will not mention it
where my parents may hear it, for they
are old and feeble, and such q seeming
" wanton breach of the halloWed con-
yentionalities of our Christian civiliza-
ton might all too rudely sunder the
fra.l bridge which hangs darkling he
tween the pale and evanescent present
and the solemn great deeps Of the eter-
mites. May ! trouble you for match?
Il said: Your sentiments do you
honor, but, if you will allow me to say
IT. metaphor is not your best hold.
Spare your thigh; til. 5 kind light only
on the box. and seldom there; in fact,
my experience may be trusted. But to
return to business. How did you getin
here?
Through a second-story window. 9 81
SIT was even so. redeemed the tin
ware at paWnbrokers' rates, less cost OF
advertising, babe the burglar good
night, closed the window after him, and
retired to headquarters to report. Next
morning we sent for the burglar alarm
man. and he came up and explained
that the reason the alarm did not go
off, was that no part of the house but
the first L DOR was attached to the alarm.
This was simply idiotic; one might as
,,,a1) howe M arrnor at all in b tile as to