Connecticut western news., 1883-02-14

venienee sake, to the old man who always | put "in haist on his letters to his brother in Vermont.
 It wasn't much of contest until the | last half dozen lowered aloft. " "Catarrh and photograph laid 'em out by the dozens, and when only the champions were left Constantinople foored all but two like bolt of lightning. Then came the word "parasite." One rendered it parysight," and the other gave it perrysyte," and when the teacher shook his head one cried out "Tve writ that word over hundred times, and guess know !"
 "And I've seen 'em every day of my life for forty years, and don't sit down for anybody ]" added the other.
 "It is parasite, replied the teacher.
 "I dispute it l"
 "So do l."
 "That's the way Webster gives it."
 "Who's Webster?"
 "Yes, trot him out
 Then the friends of either rose up. In the shindy the teacher came in for two black eyes, cracked rib, kicks in the shin and bites on the ears, and the min ute he could get clear and over the fence he headed for Detroit and reached home in want of so many repairs that it took two months to make him presentable. He had few dollars due him, and he left change of clothes up there, but he doesn't want to hear from the directors They may consider that he has resigned, and any parasite desiring the situation can have the vacancy without paying bonus.-DetroH Free Press.
 STORY OF A LEGISLATOR.
 One of the Representatives to the Michigan Legislature in 1S6- had bill in regard to fishing in certain inland lakes, and another had one in regard to fish-ways in dams on various rivers. One day, when the House was in Com- mittee of the Whole, the fish-way bill came up, and the inland lake man mis- took it for his own, and arose and made forty minute speech urging its passage. He was still piping away when his atten- tion was called to the mistake, and after stammering around and swallowing three or four Jumps in his throat, he called out:
 "Mr. Speaker, I've been fishing in the wrong waters, and no wonder I didn't get bite! Please excuse my speech. That is, please consider that I didn't make one. That is, MT. Speaker, don't let it go into the Jour'a0l that was idiot enough not to know the difference be- tween the pickerel of an inland lake and the suckers in 8 muddy mill-pond. I will now begin all over again P
 NO PROOF REQUIRED.
 Branch Covington was tried yesterday and acquitted of having slandered A. c. Chapin, 8 prominent Austin lawyer. Chapin enjoys the reputation of being tricky, hence the jury did not hesitate to acquit Covington, who had merely stated that lawyer Chapin was scoundrel. l Quite an amusing incident occurred dur ing the trial. One of the witnesses, who was being cross-examined by Chapin, himself. was asked if he heard Coving. ton say that he, lawyer Chapin, was g scoundrel.
 "I did hear him say to crowd of ter or fifteen persons that you are 8 scoun drel, and he offered to prove it.
 "What did you say"
 "I said, and all the rest of us said that he need not prove it, as we all knew he was telling the truth when he sait you were scoundrel. Teras Sttti,egs
 TOO LARGE.
 A well known Brooklyn man was dead
 "Have you heard the story that Ii going about as to the real cause of hi death ?' asked one citizen of another.
 "No."
 "They say that the day he died, whel he was on the street after his luncheon he met poor woman who was begging She asked for cent. MT. - tumble, in his pockets and brought out one which he gave the beggar. He died soo after" "What has that got to do with tn cause of his death ?'
 "Well, those who knew the old gen , tleman best say he died of enlargement of the heart He was never known t give away cent before."
 THE NEW BOY.
 He was bran-new office boy, young , pretty-faced, with golden ringlets an blue eyes. Just such boy as on would imagine would be taken out of hi little trundle-bed in the middle of tn night and transportedibeyond the starr , The first day he glanced over the l z brary in the editorial room, became a' quainted with everybody, knew all th A printers, and went home in the evenin as happy and cheery as sunbeam. I'll 2 next day he, appeared, leaned out of tl back window. expectorated on a bal,