The Iola register., 1883-12-21
.TEW WAYS O. REMITTIN'. .

And adding item to item.
Don't seem much like was goin' to break!
And he looked again, as he poised his pen
To FLIP the drop of ink OF.
But just as he gave the pen shake,
He said "Hoi hoi'' at strange mistake
He found himself on the brink of:
He said Hal hai'' and his lips drewin
With a hard dry, ieathery kind of grin,
AS much like the smile of a crocodile
As anything you can think of.
81 declare, there's widder Brown
In the cottage over in Tannery TOWN.
The family had the house rent free
As long as her husband worked for me.
A good, smart. faithful chap was jim
Wish had forty as good as himl
But he died one day, and left her there;
And put the place in the parsons care
For the only man in the town dare
To trust is Parson Emery
To see that the house don't run away,
And collect the rent she agreed to pay.
III write letter this very day.
To jog the good mans memory"
The letter was stra;ghtway penned and sent
And it preached hard times to dreary eA
tent:
s.For money is tight a. ten per cent;
Often no sooner got taan spent:
The poor man finds 1t a heavy stent
To earn his mess of pottage;
And so." concluded the argument,
a. You may. If you please, remit the rent
Jfm's wilder owes for the cottage.
In two days time the answer came.
The parson is prompt. But-what in tht
name!'
He cried, as he opened and read the same:
How extremely odd it soundeii
{. Dear, noble, ycnefu; 3, iDH0Tsd Jricnd-"
Were terms he couldn't well comprehend;
And when he had struggled on TO the end,
He was utterly asiounded.
He gasped and gurgled. and then burst out
eWhat n thun3ers the oil fool rayin about
Hes crazy. without shadder o doubtl
A-writin to me as If was a sainti
Waial, nabby be. and then mabby amt
An what's his argument? why, to be sure,
That I'm a marciful man to the poor,
An feel for the sufferin' brother,
An stay the widder whose stat is gone,
And so he containers a-layin it on,
An he amt sarcasticai, nuther.
.sBamed OF blunderhead, couldn't he see
IT the poor WAS marciful tn meant mef
But here he goes on, in gushin mood
To tell o the woman's gratitude.
Because I've been so ercee iiagU Good
As 10 pity hcr sdj condition,
An gire him the blessed duthOrty to
Remit-REMiT-the reHt thai IS due.
Why don't he remit, then? wish knew!
Std O. that, here's more of his hullabalew,
To thank me for the remissiOni
Reuission-remit. Oh. drat the dnncer'
And he rushed for dictionary;
1t having occurred to him all at once
That the meanings sometimes vary
OF even the simplest words we write;
And that prosy old parson might
Use one, and a man of business quite
Another, vocabulary.
Finger and eye ran down the page:
IRA RE''-he was flushed with rage:
ER-RENIND-REMITf'-at last
The terrible talon had it fast
With definition against it set:
s.Send back, he read; but, lower yet,
To release, to forgive, as q sin or debtf
Ah, through that mesh in the treacherOus net
Had slipped the wiGow's pittancel
That Il thus S from from phrase or s single @ % Word,
With equal reason could be inferred
Collection of debt, or quittanceI
Words have their forks. like highways, whence
To left and right run the roads of sense;
And. taking the wrong deriyative,
Tn needless old parson had come to give
6nfssfoa Instead of remittance.
Elkanah giared for moment. and then,
With SNORT at the book, and a scott at the
men
Who invented the language, siezcd his pen,
Tore one letter. and wrote again,
Protruding his chin, while the hard dry grin
Grew terribly savage and sinister:
Till, too impatient to brook delay,
He quite forgot it was Christmas-day,
Swnng on his ulster, and swooped away
Toward Tannery Town and the Widow
Brown
And the good old laundering minister.
las out by the forenoon train he went,
He had ample time to consider:
s.Io be soft-soaped to sieh an extent.
Cracked up Ike a spawned hoSs that's meant
To be sold to the highest bidder
It's pooty dumbed rough on plain old gent
That never was known to give cent,
: Say nothin o seventy dollars rent.
To anybody's widderi
An / amt one o. the kind that cares
10 be boosted up in a woman prayers
For favor never did her.
ssYet sha MIGHT rray for me al her days
An / wouldn't object TO the parsons praise,
Which he spreads SO thick in his letter;
Bur though he believes it hImself, and though
Other folks may think it all jes so,
The plague is, j know betteri
He'll wonder what sort of beast be,
When tell him square out how it seemed to
What blamed ridickelous, fools idee
That should forgive debtor!'
Quick moist fiushes strange hot streaks,
Shot down TO his shins and up TO his cheeks.
He loosened mis- collar and wondered what
In time made 'em keep the cars so hot.
Still, as he thought of the interview
He was going to seek. the warmer he grew.
And ne said 70 himself. with leer: Must
be
Tn fond of parsons s'cietyl
For what else under the canopy
I'm maxim the trip for can't see.
Seaee a letter or tu would as soon undu
The snari he's got me inter.
Saxe raiiroad fare, an the wear an tear
Of a journey in midwinter.
"Ifs an awk' ard mess. du declare!
The widder she'll cry an the parson he'll
stare,
An like enough somebody else will swear
Wish was back in my Office chair
For why should go twelve mile or so
An lose my me an my dinner.
To prove TO their face. beyond a doubt,
IT amt no saint, as they make out,
But hardened sort OF sinner
<S<,,,a ,.,,.l, +o,,,~i+s ,,or.,,axo az t,-,;.
As up to the station rolled the train,
With siackening speed and brakes screwed
down.
And the brakeman bawled out: "Tannery
:. wa'ai. here bet" With gathering frown
And firm-set teeth, old Elkanah straight
TOOK his way to the parsons gate;
no longer inclined TO turn about,
In furry of confusion,
And Ike coward retrace his ronte,
But grimiy resolved to carry out
His original resolution.
Though. after all. be approached the spot,
Oufwardiy cold and iEwardly hot.
As brave man goes 10 be hanged or shot,
Or whateyer else he thinks is not
The thing for his constitution.
And wnen this answer he received,
Pnrson amt TO hum will 1t be believed?-
He felt like the very same man reprieyed
At the moment of execution.
Wa'al. no. he wouldn't go in and wait;
No train back till half-past one
And the village bells had just begun
10 ring Tor noon; Tor minute or two
He stood, uncertain what to do,
Looking douhtfuily up and down
The dreary streets of TeEnery Town.
And thought of his money and Mrs. Brown:
Then this is what he did do
be turned bis feet up the snowy street
And went to call on the widow.
Twas Christmas-time, as / said before,
And when. arrived at the cottage door.