davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

1t was on a Western railroad. The
conductor had been his rounds, and
taken q seat beside very quiet and
unassuming passenger.
Pretty full traln,' finally observed
the passenger,
Yes
Road seems 10 be doing good bus
iness.'
oh, the road makes plenty OF mon
ey, but
But what? p asked the passenger, as
the other hesitated.
Bad management. 1t is the worst
managed line IN this whole country
is that SOP
That's so. The board Of officials
might know how to run side-show TO
a circus, but they can't tackle a rail-
road
Who is the biggest fool in the lotT
We'll, the Superintendent is.'
Pm glad of that said the passen-
GER, as his face lighted up. Il was
afraid YOU would say it was the Presi-
dent
Suppose | had|
why, Pm the man.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
Fleeing MOrmOns.

Two du st-covered horses, covered
wagon containing man and woman
with long rope, to which was attached
an aged yellow dog, appeared on tho
streets here Yesterday. The man was
dark and swarthy, with white beard
and long flowing hair. The woman
was dressed in faded calico, her skin
was as dark as her husbands and her
face vas covered with wrinkles.
My name is Sarah Stafford, and this
is my husband, Timothy Stafford" J"
said the woman. we lives, or al least
We used to live. twenty Seight miles
from Portland, State of Maine. For
four years we've been galavantin'
about out West, aud are now on our
way home, thankful that we've had our
lives pres erved.'
we don't look like Mormons. do |?
Well, we amt Mormons any more,
but we once was. One day while
Timothy was cu!tla' grass in the meader
leanish man with an awful oily tongue
came along aud asked him to join the
Mormons. Now, so far rs l was con-
cerned, L hated Mormons wus than l
did pizen; but when Timothy brought
the D,an TO the house, and he talked so
good aud kind like 10 me and called me
bis dear Sister Stafford, sorier warme d
up to him. Well. 10 make long story
short, as the sayin' is, Timothy and |
were persuaded to sell our farm aud
20 to Utah. After we'd been there
while, along comes a squad OF the
deacons. who looked pious and resigned
like, and said that Timothy ought to
take another wife, young woman who
could be a daughter TO me, and COM
fort my declining years. We'll, sir, if,
they'd shot me down there w9uldn' t
have been more surprised. After l
had collected my thoughts little bit l
went into The kitchen and got pot of
biln' water, and then l sailed into
them deacons. Scatter! You better
believe they did. l thought they'd
break their pious necks tryin' TO get
over the fence. The gate was too
small for 'em and they went down the
road like A hurricane. l picked up a
rake and went after 'em, and # | dldn't
baste the hindetmost mY name amt
Sarah Stafford. I'll warrant there
wasn't two inches Of sound hide lett on
him. When I got back TO the house l
found Timothy in terrible rage. lie
SAID l didn't 6ave bis pleasure or con-
fort at heart, and that 1 didn't love him
like I used 10 in Mare. lie even told
me was gettin' too old for him, and
he ought TO have Young wife il he was
poin' to be a highoockalorum IN the
church. Well, sr, when he told me
,ha! used the rake on him. Then l
took him by the hand and left the coun-
try. We walked until mornin', aad
put up at a farmhouse. bought
them horses and that wagon of the
farmer, and kivered the wagon myself
with muslin. Since then we've been
travelin' toward Maine as fast as them
critters will carry US, and when we git
there we'll never leave again until they
carry us out feet afst. So there young
man, is our story. Us as true IS gos-
pei, and if it'll teach any old folks in
this country to stay at home, mind
their business, aud let the Mormons
alone, you can print it in your paper,
although I'd awfully hate my old
neighbors down IN Maine TO see it.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
Yesterdays Dreadful Acci-
dent.

There we're a good many accidents
Yesterday. There will be some to-day.
and probably more or less tomorrow
Children are tnmbliDg down stairs. -
Women are lighting fires with kerosene.
Boys are playing with pistols. Big
men are spraining their ankles as they
try TO catch the moving train. Babies
will get their little thumbs caught in
the doors. Bruised shins, .dlslocated
Joints and mashed fingers constantly
remind us that accidents may take
place at any moment. People who
have PERRY DAvIs's PAIN KILLER
can smile at most of the accidents that
befall them. Those who have not tried
it are reminded that they do not have
to run further than the nearest drug
store to buy it.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

You want something to eat 10
voug, incurred a man Of a lame tramp
at the back door Of his residence.
Ave you please, sor.'
What made you lame"
1T wus the earthquake, sor.'
An earlLquake' p
'Yis, sor. Ye see, I'm an Italian
from the Islands Ischia, an whln the
earthquake shak up the surface ay the
planet it sprung ME knee, an I'm un-
able 10 wurk, which the same I'd be
pleased to do if was able.'
Wien the bulldog made a rapid exit
through the gaze be was preceded oy
the Italian eartl quake sufferer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

There were eight or ten OF them
seated on the grocery steps as the stran'
ger came up. and one of them led oil
with. Yes, gentlemen, this village
needs capital and needs 1t bad
That's co. added second; what we
want here is money.'-'Yes. we want
capital to develop things said third
and SO it went down the line, until
every one bad passed his opinion that
capital was wanted. The last man
looked up at the stranger aud added,
Don't it seem that way TO you? 1t
does, sir was the prompt reply.
What would be your opinion OF The
way capital ought 10 be INVESTED here !"
well, my plan would be TO lay ouL the
first FIVE hundred dollars in bar-soap,
crash towels, BARRIERS shears aud kick
ing machines y was the firm reply, as
he prepared for a run ota half mile 10
the depot.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
NO. s..
Boosted Into the Air by an
Elk.

Hunting elk in Dakota we followed
up The trail and saw three elks 90 over
the top of neighboring hill. A little
farther up the gully we saw Charley
stop and draw his knife and give it a
grand curve in the air. We fastened
up the hillside and came IN sight OF
him JUS as he planted one foot over
the elk's head and was standing astri1e
of Its neck aud shoulders. He took
hold fone ear and turned its head
over and its throat upward. and with a
loud whoop he plunged the knife in.o
its throat, and at abont the same iE-
slant was suddenly hoisted about ten
feet into the air and came down on his
back and shoulders. The elk was up
aud made half a dozen mad plunges,
but Charley grasped his rifle aud shot 1t
through the body. knocking il down 10
stay. We vent up to hlm and were
surprised 10 see his coat split up the
back and one leg of his trousers torn
nearly of.
What in the world have you been
dong p l asked.
'Oh, my leg is broken! Oh, my (!
that elk mas killed me! My ribs are all
broken; oh, dear ne = and with that
he fAinted dead away.
A handful Of snow rubbed over his
face soon revived him.
Charley still limps slightly, aud his
ribs are still black as a bass. He says
he don't like elk meat much, and when
he begins to tell of his exploit, we
have only to ask him If he was sticking
elks, and it winds him up then aud
there.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
He'll Get 1t.

A Brooklyn lawyer, who has the
reputation of securing pensions for men
who were within twenty miles OF any
battle, was waited upon by man who
thought he deserved something from
Uncle sam.
Did you 60 10 the warp
No. But was In camp at Elnira
for ten days.
'Were you accidentally wounded' p
No.
Have a heavy GL of sickuess?'
No.
Get chronic diarrhoeaT
No.
Contract rheumatism p
No.
MY frend,' sald the lawyer, as he
looked at him IN fatherly way. some
pension agents might be discouraged
over your case and refuse to touch it,
but 1 shall at once forward your papers
for pension on the ground that you
were broken OF your usual rest during
those ten nights. - Call again in sixty
days for your back pay. Good morn
ing, sir-next !
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

A brush farm father called bis son
into the library The other day. and
SAID:
Harry you are DOW II ears DID,
Yes, father
L have gwen you money from time
to time but you have had no stipulated
allowance. Beginning with next week
1 shall allow you Sc per week.
That will be splendid! You are
one OF The best fathers 10 Detroit
Yes. &c per week, and as you are
now old enough 10 pay your board, l
shall charge you IS per week You can
always depend upon the dollar coming
TO you each Saturday,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

A New York broker, VINO lett the
street three Or four years ago, Que day
received a call from man up the river
who announced that old Blank was
dead.
odd Blank. Yes, l remember him;
so he is deadr p
Yes, and his heirs are Trying to
break the WILL
They are9'
Yes, and they arc going to prove he
vas crazy. They want You as a wit
ness.' ......i
Want me9 Why l know nothing OF
,he old man except that once inyes-
ted $4,000 for him.
We'll that's all they expect 10 prove
by you.' eat
What, eh y tA. E
why, if you'll come -iuto court aud
swear that the old man let you have
ale 900 10 invest tor him the case is
made out. When can you comeT
He never went ..t-, d
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
Telephone Mistake.

Hello! Central
'Hellov
Give me No.
The signal Is given when the folio v
ing dialogue took place.
What is il?'
Send me up beefsteak."
who Is it speaking T?
Il. T, Thompson ~
What did you say you wanted "
a beefsleakn
How do you want It"
Fresh, Of course
DO you want itrlg,. fried Or broIl-
ed
1 waqlit s4s, oi codsse.'
'Well, se tant send it IN tlat way,
as we do not sell ray meats, AMI IL
will get cold before you come do Va.
Whom am [ talking 10 = ...
You are speaking to the clerk al the
Sgann House.
YES, sir. Who did sou wish !?
why, l wanted NJ. 5 's meat shop
We'll, then, YOU had better ring them
uo again: The operator is probably
of on account Of the OAip election.
Good Morning.
God moInlug.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Ayers Cherry Pectoral wonderfully
increases the power and hexibility Of
the voice, enabling public speakers to
speak clearly and without fatigue. II
people who are troubled with colds
would take Ayers Cherry Pectoral be-
fore gong 10 church or places OF enter
tainmeut, they would avoid coughing,
greatly to the comfort of boIh hearers
and speakers.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

One Of the colored lawyers who
practices at Brennan, Texas, being an
.observaut man. noticed that several
senior and leading members OF the bar
wore bald heads, and so he bad the top
of the back of his head, where the bald
place ought to be, shaved. When he
appeared at the bar TO plead, be added
dignity to his presence by bald head.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
Heartily Recommended.

Don't condemn a good thing because
you have been deceived by worthless
nostrums. Parker's Ginger Tonic has
cured many in this section OF nervous
disorders. and we recommend 1t hear'l'
ly to such sufferers. -Neios.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

i shall teach you to speak properly
and then 10 write as you speak saio
teacher 10 the public schools. 'Poor
Billy wilcox said a little voice, IN.
Voluntarily. what about BIliY'
please, ma'am, he speaks through MS
no.e-he will have to write through
his nose.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

A gentleman asked his sunday
school With what remarkable weapon
did Samson slay a number OF Pn.As-
tues p For while there was no au-
swer. aud the clergyman, 10 assist the
children a little, commenced tapping
his law with the tip OF his finger, a. the
same tine saying, WHAT'S ihlsF
what's this:' Quick as thought, a
little fellow innocently replied, The
iaS-boue of an ass, SIR
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Got any good shooting on your
farm p asked hunter OF a farmer. -
splendid SAID the agriculturist.
There's a drive-well man down in The
clover meadow, a cloth peddler at the
the house, a candidate out ia the barn
and two tramps in the stock yard.
Climb right over the fence mister,
bad both barrels and sail in.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

An Albany peanut vender claims
that 400 people per day help them
selves 10 peanut apiece in passing bis
stand, anj ii ls running him TIE only
safe way is TO keep peanuts IN a safely
depo-it box.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Josep Cook says; Shut your grog-
shops, open your schools, aud God
knows what Ai.hins jewels you may
vet die out of the neglected ore at the
bottom of the unwrought mines OF the
poorest class.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Let young people remember
their good temper will gain thea
esteem aud happiness than sIhe
and talents of ali the bad u
ever existed.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

wire-'What are you doing, dearT
Husband. in a reflective attitude
.Tbinking.' Wiie-'Aud are you think
inc Of your little wiley, love 2 Hus-
band-.No. was thinking OF some-
thing
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

The two important events iu the lite
of man are when be examines his upPe
In and secs the hair coming, aHd W
he examines The top OF his head
sees the haiT going.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

A gdlIeless girl wrote TO her adorer
thus Don't come lo.see me any more
jsst yet Jobn, for fllhcr has been hay
ing bis boots half-soled aud Two rows
Of nails around The loes., rr
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

a Philadelphia girl who has
disappointed IN love has grove
that there is nov enough NJ
her Jersey to make her t.
skirts.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Sunday is the source OF our
ton, ,dedicaled TO thoushtand
1t invites to the noblest scliIud
the noblest society.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

When loving hearts are separated,
not the one which Is eShaled tc hsav
en-, but the survivor it Is, which tastes
the sting of death.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
gbsnHnaoab 6sraIn
Advertising Rates.

i,,:l.,nsats will b. lassrtsi st oae u
per square Of ten lines, or less, for the nrf n's
Ton, and so cents for each subsequentinser'ioh
Unless the number Of insertions be marfedaIo
the manuscript, IT will be published until foEbi
and charged accordingly.
Notices in the local column will be insertedsa
en- cents per line, each insertion.
Advertisements three months or longer vi
auserteis at loTerrates'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

What a pity that wrinkles should
not be all under our heels instead Of on
our faces 1t would be a much better
arrangement.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Ayers Cherry Pec,orsl is really
remarkable aud time-houored medicine.
Il is the best known remedy Tor all
diseases of the throat aud lungs.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

The years write their records on
human hearts as they DO on trees, 10
inner circles of growth which no eye
can see.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Mr.. G. +. Faulkner, South Boston,
Va, says; L have used Browns Iron
Bitters myself aud in my family with
GOOD results tr
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Those American girls who marry
tides generally find out that title Is
but a poor substitute for a kind hus-
hand.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

A man lately married, was asked at
the club about his bride, Is she prettys
No, replied he; she is not; but she
will be when her father dles.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
A Mothers Love.
A PRACTICAL ILLUsTRATIsN OF IT'S
POWER.

A mothers Love What a potent
thing it is 1t will melt the heart Of the
most hardened criminal when no Other
influence would be effectual. No one
but a mother knows its full meaning,
but every one can appreciate it il they
will. 1t is known, though, that it
means sleepless nights. care, incon ye-
nience, and, if necessary, want, hard.
ship and death. But the subject has
been too eloQuently treated by the
sweetest poets and the ahlest writers 10
furnish an essay for these columns
Too many practical Illustrations occur
in every day life for 1t to be dwelt up
on. so that II Is unnecessary TO speak Of
the subjrct further in order to make
the reader understand the full mean.
log of what is to follow.
Mrs. Henry Schualen, of Ashland,
KY. writes that her daughter has been
cured Of deafness which resulted from
chronic catarrah. She tells how she
lost all hope of her daughter (ber ideally
being cured, and how overjoyed she is
at the result. After trying many RENE.
dies she says .Peruna brought cure
and that the daughters hearing Is re-
stored. She concludes by speaking in
the most flattering terms OF Peruna, ,aud
then describes in tie most lovely man.
rer the happiness it has brought her,
and reviews the distress she experien.
ced while her daughter was afflicted.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

CHEAPEST FASHION MBGAzI SE IN the world, l2J
arge pages, pages new music, 1000 engrayings
ach issue. so cents per year; single copies lei
cents. sTRAwBBDGE L CLormER Sth, Marke
ca Phihdphia.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
ovERsEERs PooR
NOTARIBs 6 PuBL1C.
JUSTICES OF THE PEACE.

DAVIS D1sr.-Dr. g. A. Brown, Obed Funk and
Abraham Baker.
sroNEwALL. u. H. Grsbill, W. c. Snarr, Snow.
Whitaker
JoHxsroS-R. L.Roberts Levi q. Cullers. Isaiah
Gem.
MAD1soN.-samuel C. Campbell Jacob Lantz.
Jos. Conner.
AsHBY.-Jos Windle n. B. Painter, Lemusl
Ryman.
LEE.-Christian Shirley, IN. W. Baker, Am os
Peters.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
Ministerial Welfare,
WEST END, ATLANTA, GA. |
March Il. 1881. \

MATCu Tt IcoI'
II. II. WARNER & Co.: Slrs-Your
Safe Kidney and Liver Cure raised me
from bed Of sickness, and made me
well man:
REV. ROBERT CUNNINGHAM.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

We ought not TO Judge OF mane
merits by bis qualifications, but Oy 'ne
use he makes Of them.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

SLEEPING ToGETHER.-More quar-.
rels occnr between brothers, between
sisters, between hired girls, between
clerks in stores, between apprentices
IN mechanics shops, between hired
men, between husbands and wives,
owing to electrical changes through
which their nervous systems 60 by
lcdglng together night after night uD-
der the same bed clothes, than by al
most any other disturbing causes.
There is nothing that will derauge tie
nervous system of person who is
ellmnatlve in nervous force. The abb
sorber will 60 to sleep and rest all
night, while the ellminator will be
tumbling and tossing, restless and ner'
yous, and wake up in the morning
frettul and peeyish, fault.fUding and
discouraged. No two persons, nc
matter who they are, should habltually
sleep together, One will thrive, the
othel will lose. This is the law.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
poetifal,
FAME.

What good is in laurel crown
When death has stilled the beating heart
What pleasure lies in great renown
When busy brain has played Its part?
Or if the multitude should fall
To worshiping the man they slew,
Would that atonemeRt make for all
Their guilt, or stricken life renew?
No. rather present Joy I'd name
The tiniest joy in Fortunes hoard
Than dead possess the words acclaim
In late repentance for its sword.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14

Every father should pad lie his own;
can you.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-11-14
OONSTABLES.
SUPERINTENDENT OF SCHOOLS.
SCHOOL TRUSTEES.

DAv1s,-Cyrus Keister Harrison White, Jno. H
Snarr.
SToNEwALL Jos: Doll, Luther Wismsn, Jacob
Spigle.
JoHNsos,-E. B Shaver, Daniel Bowman, silas
Munich.
MAD1soS,-Jos. Conner, Philip Bowers Milton
Campbell
AsHBY.-Joseph Perry, Al. Myers, II, q. Cof
man.
LEE-e N. Tidler, J. q Rice, D. T. Zirkle
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1883-07-14
Typographical Errors.

The South Beud, Indiana, Tribune
contains the following: The typo
graphical errors are usually should
cred on the ''blundering coInposit-
ors," but the majority of them belong
to the careless proof-reader and the
Enthusiastically bad penmanship of
the average editor. Last fall the Chi
cago Tribune in speaking of a sermon
preached in M of the Chicago
churches, said sit was clear cut lying"
Clear cut logic was what was written.
The Inter Ocean of the same city, in
an account OF a social party, said a
certain prominent E%nglishman was
the .'liar of the evening"" 1t meant
sslion" but the cold types came near
er the truth, for the Englishman's
book about the country was full of
lies. Peck's Sun tells of an editor
who headed an article 1.-THE Phantom
Bride and the compositor set it up
1.-THE Pontoon Bridge This vas
not so bad as the Cincinnati Enquir-
er's extended notice of a wedding
which was headed "Wedding Bills"
and without doubt more properly
than "Wedding Bells" The Tribune
has before referred TO an item III a
rural Michigan exchange last winter
which should have read, "Mrs Smith
watered her plants last night and
found them frozen stiff this morning."
and how the intelligent compassion
left the 81" out of plants and showed
how important a missing %consonant is.
Almost as bad was an item in the Bay
City Tribune, which meant To say that
'.Rev. g. Il. Smith, while wandering
in a lumber yard. fell between two
logs" The wrong vowel got in the
word clogs" and maize il read s'legs,"
and the reverend gentleman threaten
ed a libel suit.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1883-07-14
Plantation Philosophy.
lArkanssW Traveler.l


We feel so mad after we shed
tears. De cloud amt nigh so dark
arter de rain falls.
Many a'oman what won't wash her
chillun al home delights in washin'
dishes at a church fair.
De worst sort ob b~oastfnlness is
shown by de man who thinks dat he
car entertain you wild a long story.
Oar Is many a rule won't work both
ways. Whisky will produce a head
ache, but a headache won't produce
whisky.
No man should he looked or as a
fool on account OBJ what he don't be-
lieve, but on account oh what he
does believe. A too easiness ob con-
viction ter strange ideas Is caused a
mighty heap OBJ trouble in dis world.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1883-07-14
What He Took Him For.

The president of a defunct savings
bank of Chicago got into a hack and
rode to the Central depot yesterday.
Upon arrival at his destination the
driver said, ''Fare, please. one dollar"
AS the regular charge is only fifty
cents, the passenger Indignantly de-
manded of the "Jehu." ''What do
you take me for?n
Fifty cents on the dollar, sir. l
was afraid to say only fifty cents for
the ride for fear you would want to
settle with me for a quarter. that be-
ing fifty per cent. and the rate at
which you settled with your other
creditors"
The hackman got his dollar and
the ex-banker got something he had
not thought of.