News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-10-04
TERMS $3.50.
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SNIIIE
OVER THIS WEEK.
An EHsy Time TeNns SiftinRs,'-IIis Note
"A Detroit Morning Scenc-The Govern
Or's CnIIer-Revcnge, Etc, Etc.
WOULD HAVE AN EASY TIME

WOULD HAVE AN EASY TINE.
''Say, how long do these mosquitoe
bite >" asked a guest Of an Arkansav
hotel, as acolorcd gentleman entered witt
a pitcher of water. 81 have been lying
here fighting EN- for IN hour. How long
do you suppose they will keep up thi>
| business ?"
"Wen, I dunno, sab. 'Cordin' tel
how NANNY da is"
There are ten thousand"
'In dat case, sab, its 'cordin' ter how
hungry da is"
"They are as hungry as wolves"
'Denyer's mighty likely ter hab trouble
wild EN-, san.
"Why don't you put a bar over the
bed ?"
cease nobody eber sleeps in dis room
but one night. When a one night man
comes along we gives him dis room.
Didn't nobody sleep in heah las night
an dat's de reason da's so hungry. Eff
yer'd happen ter strike dis bed jes arter
a fat man had been in it, yer'd hab
easy time, sab. "-Arkan8aaU Traveller.
WORTH MORE THAN HIS NOTE.
Emery Storrs, the reparteeist, tells
story of gentleman who bought a bill
of goods for 81, 500. The firm being sus-
picious Of their customer, put $500 on
the usual prices. The customer could
only raise 81 200, which was the regular
rate, the rest being in excess. He said
he would give his note for the remainder,
and they took it. Then he said he was
in the habit of receiving a present when
he made so large a bill. They gave him
a necktie. He bitterly objected to such
a mean little present The proprietors
then concluded to present him with his
note for $500. He took it with look of
cunning, and then said:
"WeIl, Mr.. Alexanders, I think 1 will
prefer the necktie, if it's just the same
to you"
WHY HE HATED.
"Oh, Charles, let us turn and go off
some other way; there is that bad man
following us"
''Who is the fellow, my deah ?"
''Why, that is the man who was SO
near marrying me before [ met you. [
Just hate him p'
''By Jove ! so do L"
"You?"
''Yaas."
''You don't know him. How can you
hate him?"
"He didn't marry you, don't cher
knaw, my love. "-TeraS SJti'lgs.
HowLERs.
.'What are you doing there?" demand
ed a policeman of man who sat on
fence howIing.
THAT feller in the house shot my dog
because he howled, and I'm carrying
out the dogs contract. Tn going to
howl here until [ think the dogs death
has been sufficiently avenged. If he
shoots me, my son will howl out my
contract, and if further harm should be-
fall my family, my wife will come out
and howl till he can't rest. Oh, but we
are howlers. ArkanSa1O Traveller.
AN OFF YEAR.
"Hot! Why it's five degrees hotter
here than at home! thought this was
one of the coolest places in the country"
''My dear sir, this is an off year, you
know! Every year but this we have
had to keep up fires in July, and we shall
probably have to next year again. 1t
is sort of an extra season, you see.'
"But where are those cool breezes you
advertised ?"
Oh, they are over on the other side Of
the lake to-day. You see, this is only
one side of the lake and we can't expect
to monopolize all the breeze there is.
We must divide up and give the other
resorts some of it. y
A MORNING SCENE.
About eight o'clock one morning a
man smoking plug tobacco in an old
clay pipe walked out of a Michigan ave-
nue. saloon with rat i'll trap. He
looked neither to the right nor the left
until he had reached the middle of the
street. Then he placed the trap on the
ground and whistled for his dog. If he
had dog, the animal did not respond,
but the public did. In less than two
minutes thirty men were rushing to the
spot.
"Hi, there Don't let him out till l
get my dog?" shouted one.
Hold on! Wait for the dogs p yelled
half dozen voices ut once.
"Keep cool and form circle p COM
manded policeman, and he took tirmer
grip of his baton.
The man with the trap spread large
handkerchief over it and waited. He
was not bit excited. On the contrary
he was as placid as a chip sailing in the
wash-dish.
s'Whar' did ye ketch him?" inquired
Il newsboy.
The placid man did not deign toreply.
"What'll We take fur him?" asked an
other, but his inquiry was treated with
the same silent contempt
Then four or five men came running
up with dogs under their arms, and ten
| or fifteen dogs on foot followed behind
| There was fight between a bulldog
and n Newfoundland, and there would
have been a row between owners had no
Il second policeman appeared. Ordel
was finally restored. The dogs were ar
ranged in Il circle and held by their col
lars. and the placid man slowly knocked
the ashes from his pipe, looked CAREFUL,
around, and then raised the trap ant
shook the rat out. All the dogs made
rush. but in ten seconds each and ever.
canine walked off on his ear and seeme'
to be hurt i'll his feelings. A boy steppc,
forward and held the rat up to view.
'It's Il crockery rat p he yelled as h
whirled it around.
''Yes, it vhas a GROCERY radt, und h
cost me den cents = calmly replied tn
placid man as he walked off with tn
trap. Detroit Free Press.
THE GovERNOR's CALLER.
One day an old negro, clad in rag
and carrying burden on his head, an
bIcd into the executive chamber Mt A
bany and dropped his load ON the foo
Stepping toward Governor CLEVELAND
he said:
cam you lie Gubner, sah ?'
Being answered in the Affirmative, j