Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-02-23
WIT AND HEGMOIs.

from sewer gas.-B0stOH Commercial Dulle-
Hn
The temperature at the noon varies 700 de.
grees in fortnight New England n-ttu-
lions seem to find favor abroad. Turners
Rats Reporter.
The usual course is to learn to draw before
commencing TO paut; but some women re-
verse the rule, ard then don't draw.-Phiia-
delphia OroHice Ucrah.
a good deal Of comment has been caused
because II Georgil man broke his back with u
snoeze but how much more wonderful il
would iavc been had he broken his knees
with his back.-Bostoa Transcript
VI. l. LANCER states that the fat of a child
contains less plcC acid but more palmtlic
and stearc acid than That OF alults, besides
being richer in the butync and caprOic acids"
This will be gratifying news to the king If
the Canuibal Isl,nd s.--Ne,o Yorh Contmey-
cidl AdcertiSer,
Chicago lady once sent Lougfellow a
packet OF 200 visiting cards. with the request
that he would return them with his auto
graph, MS she wancl TO give each one of her
guess at u party pleasant souvenir Of the
occasion. lie did not d. il, aud TO this day
the. is one lady in Chicago who considers
Longlelgw greatly ovcrrated poet-PhiLI-
deiphit Netes.
Thought he knew about it Medical pro-
fcsnr TO raw student: "Whcrc is the plot-
tis :" Il don't know, SIR! think YOU nut
II ON the Shelf in tn dlssccting room with
the rest Of yolr surgical Implements
Ionkers Gasette.
Comparison Then you don't think the
i-anstiy so very beaulilul:' qicid she Of
Augustus as they chi ycd the freight to.
geh,r. mot 50 very beautiful, no. Not so
handsome as" AS who did you say 2"
"As-as-" a sudden glance and tableai.-
Boston G!oje
An Albany hotel has put knottcd rope in
each room. 1t is Intended to use Us an es.
cape IN case Of fire, and by hanging it from
the door knob to the gas bracket the guest
who washes his handkerchief in the water
pitcher can convert itin,o au excellent clothes
line Ihi'adelpiia Cronic'e,
Here is u warning that is warning to
smokers a gentleman in Cincinnati having
purchased cigar and lit If, proceeded to
walk along the street with the lady accom-
pHyips iinl. All at once le fell down and
became percctly rigid. Il was some time
before he recovered. The lesson is, of course,
to avoid Cincinnati cigars. - Rocd,Ster Demo-
crdt amt NrdHjcle
\ cross eye is really aristccratic, and owes
its position to cistc.-TgrHcrs FdAs Re
p0rtr.
The best fire escape is when your wife gets
up in the morning AMI makes it.-Boston
Commercial BWli.tiR.
Oar slangy contributor SAYS that there is
not a disease known that will get Il bulge on
man quicker than the munps Norris.
to,CH UcYdh
a lady by the name Of Blkcovcn died in
Philadelphia, recently Arcordu! to the
eternal illness of things, the body should be
crcmatcd.- .-BostoH Iraas'upt
Aman lever loses much time in interview
lnI a bee. lie generally comes right down
u the point. IoaIers Statesman.
Remarks upon the personal appearance of
Others are in bad taste. They are likely to
draw attention TO vour own. which may not
stand criticism. m.-LoreH Citizen.
Now that the chilling winds are blowing
cold across the moor, the thoughtful road
agent has begun to warm the LeadvilIe stage
coach passengers by covering them with re.
vOlvers. C0!orddo Chdt.
How natural that inventors should get
Scinl justice In the law courts, sirCc neces-
sltv Is the mother of invention, and ueces-
slty knows NJ law, and good lawyers fight
shy OF case OF necessity. Turner's Fails
Reporter.
The New York people are pleased TO lean
that the legislature is ''grappling with the
toy ps'ol.' If history goes to prove any
thing, there would seem TO be u good chance
OF the legislatures beng worsed -L9u,N
citizen.
The average age o! different men is put
down thus Merchants j5, physicians aud
lawyers ~, farmers 81, cergymcn GA, aud
great geniu'es -. 1t will be ubs=rveI from
the above that the .jlurnalis,ic profession
tends to )n.cvily'-ROckester Post Express.
A farmer in the vicinity of Creedmoor was
observe in the act of driving his sheep into
The barn for safety, one day recently, and
when a'kcd by u ne shbor why he confined
his flock Al such an hour, replied significant
ly: 81 hear that the American rilcmen are
! going to practice this afternoon. .'-F0rest
and Stream.
That is a ne dog you have, my friend,'
sad charitable pass.r who has just dropped
coin into the hat of IA poor blind man. 1T
is indeed, sir "What will you take for
him | should like to buy him y Sell my
dog = exc aims the blind man; never, sir,
never Why, sir, pIize that dog as do
thcapple If my eye "-Ittroit Free Press
llcrtcrt Spencer SAYS the coming American
will be more powerful man than has hcretl-
fore existed. This mus, impy that he will
be more wealthy than Vanderbilt, Tor the
richest man s the most powerful, We have
va4u' not oa that we are me- the coming
American "-NOrYistosn HeraN.
/ 1t is st not to preserve your old letters.
You may get INTO a pickle. -Ba'ton Trans
cJ9pt,
Nobody wishes the baby stolen, still it is
relief when the nurse cribs it at night.-B0s.
ton Commercial BHl'etia.
Tue American Peace 5 cicty has about
l,OOJ on Land enough TO have glorious
ngIt alb mt -L9UW CoHrier.
An OH lady near Reading won't let her
husband visit that Clty since sht cad In the
bible thai "RcalIug n.akcth full man -
Grit
1t SONS that nee Frank james surren-
dercd, the members of his gang have stopped
robbns railway trains aud gone into the
State treasury business in the South. Bur-
Hn2toH HIrktye.
A Hartford architect SAYS "thc best fire
escape is "A cool head Yes; but the de-
Sire to keep ones head cool is what cause,
the general demand for tire-escapes -L0.eeH
Citizen
No won Ter the Senate reduced the tariff
on bubed wire. Every Senator who ever
tried to climb fence made of that material
well knows that barhed wire is fully able to
protect itsclf,-Philadc!pAia Ne,rs
An English girl has recently obtained
verdict Tor $40 900 in breach Of promise
case. The man in the case objected becaus'
the girl was left handed Tie didn't want
his right hand 10 know what her left hand
did.-HtrtJo'd Post
When California; woman was sclec ing
tombstone, it lell and killed her little girl.
1t is not known whether the accident was
caused by carelcs,n-s S. on the part of the
mother or enterprise on the part OF the deal
vr,-Rochester Pest Express,
Every time Nonuor makes mistake, Wig