The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-06-22
HUMOR.


MANY wealthy Celestials live on tea
grounds.
A BURST of confidence-failure of
savings bank.
"SUN, moon and stars forgot, quoted
q senior, as he funked in astronomy.
Is THE man who delivers a declama
tion through a telephone hello-cution'
list?
The wig is the missing link. 1t is
neither man nor monkey, but bare
boon.
IT has recently been ascertained by
one of our heavy workers that "a leap
for life" and the sudden jump OF m an
who happens to sit on the ragged end
of q tack amounts to about the same
thing
IT has been asserted that young
lady who had been "forsaken by hel
lover was like deadly weapon because
she was a cut-lass." Evidently the
lover wished to saber from an unhappy
marriage. Carl Pretzers Weekly.
Two lovers sat beneath this shade.
And un2 the other said:
How l4-S that you b9
Have smiled upon this suit OF mine:
IT. heart, 1t palpitss you
Thy voice il music melody
Il is to be thy loved l, .
Say, nymph, wilt marry meE
Then lisped she soft, Why l3ly.
THERE is very disagreeable smell
in this ROOM" remarked bore AS he
entered an Austin sanctum. Eyes,
since you mention it, that's so, although
1 didn't smell anything disagreeable
until you came in, was the calm re-
sponse.-Teras Siftings.
A WESTERN mining superintendent Is
quoted as saying of the Father OF his
Country: If George were alive now
and running my line, and had to write
a weekly letter reporting progress, I'm
inclined to think he'd wrap Grape
around his little Ratchet and put il
away where the historian of the future
wouldn't be likely to find it.
THE BANGING MANIA.
q see the young girl,
In beauty rare,
Sans klnk, sans curl
Banging her hair
And hear the young man.
AT the piano there,
HARD lie can
Banging his air!
young mother sands
Oppressed with care
With slipper in hands
Banging her heir!
SAID a self-satisfed young man: RE
ally, | don't know what L shall do, with
the girls all after me so. a follow can't
be absolutely rude TO them, you know,
even if they do follow him up and con-
stantly force opportunities to propose,
you know. 1 really can't marry them
all, you know, and what can L do, old
boy?" Easy enough; skip out TO
Utah and telegraph for she whole
gang" answered his practical friend
LOlCeU Citizen.
A DOZEN or twenty men Will come in
TO an over-heated car, and each will say,
if he says anything, Pretty warm in
here" and then sit down and bear the
heat like martyr; but presently
woman comes in. "Mercyl" she ex-
claims, and up goes her window in an
instant. Women are too fond of venti-
lation, and If they got into politics like
as not they would be ventilating every
thing they could lay hands on.-Boston
Transcript.
"How IS your wife this morning?"
asked the pastor of Mr.. Johnson. "She
died last night "Ah, that's a griev-
Gus affection" "Yes, l know it, But,
Brother Johnson, it's an ill-wind blows
no good, and it is all for the best" Il
think so myself, sir, and L try to bear
up under it, That's right. I'm glad
to hear YOU say So" "Yes, yes; I've
just figured up that the funeral will
cost $9S75, and the amount she had
calculated on for spring clothes was
$l0l.5 so. 1t is true that 1918 is not
much on such an occasion as this, but
try to be calm and not let my feelings
overcome me. "-Drunlnler.
MILD LUNACY.
20, como with me-" cried the stove-pipe hat,
As it danced DER walk and gutter.
Il can't come now, said the brindle cat,
And her heart was In fiutter.
For was she not to meet the old bootjack,
And the ZIG, brown jug and the heavy plaque,
And the paper weight and the shotgun too,
And the pair Of tongs and the Overshoe,
And the unlit lamp, and the pot of jam,
Aud the loose door-knUb, and the flowing dam.
AS downward she went roaming
In the cleaning.
why do you weep" asked the clarionet
or the sprinkling pot one day:
L weep weep-and the tears tell fast
Il weep To hear You payl"
For tie sprinNling-p pot, living next door TO
a bellows-lunged man, who constantly blew
On the carionct wi h monotony-
"Tum-tcd -tidle-t dle-tadle-tum"-
Had deaf, dumb, blind and lachrymose be-
come,
From the "tedle- tadlc-tee"
1t could not feel
Huntington Hackeye.