The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-09-29

lecture in favor Of lnhdelity. in this to~n
about ten years ago." As the words te,.
from my lips terrible dark cloud over
spread has face, so dark. and he seemed
m 50 much pain, that wished in my
heart that had not spoken.
= es. sir. and may Gsd forgive me
for II" and he heaved heavy sigh and
groaned within.
Excuse me. Mr.. E. said |. :" for
alluding 10 this subject, which know
must DC very painful to you now, but &C
so much inhdelity that am really
anxious TO know how, and through what
means. you xere convinced of the exist
ence of God. Excuse me, sir. but will
be under many obligations il you will in
form me as to your CONVECTION
My friend" said he. as he leaned
nearer towards me, and his eyes resumed
their brightness, ii is a pleasure to me
to tell any who are DESTROYS to hear how
was saved rom the maddcning waves Of
the gulf Of Atheism. When l lectured
here was in the height of my unbelief
My friend, was earnest. believed as
honestly and firmly that there was no
God as ncw believe there is. But as
had read every book and document that
was procurable in regard to the bible, | de-
termined 10 go TO jerusalem. and there
make researches for myself. Accord
ingly made known my desire and de-
termination to my followers. for had
won many, and they easily made up the
necessary amount of money, so yester-
day. jus, ten years ago, sailed for
Europe. and after spending several
H.
Europe, and delivering several lectures,
arrived in the Holy Land. There re-
manned three years, exploring and hunt
ing for something-not to prove the ex-
istenee and truth of Christ. but TO prove
his non-existence. found many things
that proved his divinity, but my heart
was hardened and | believed them not.
Finding nothing there started for Asia,
and there remained the balance Of the
time. was abroad studying the differ
ent religions of that heather country
When left home. | left behind me
my aged mother, whose heart was almost
broken at my course, for it was her
heart Ain 10 make OF me a christian
minister. and TO that end she had educated
me. Well, after many years wandering
returned home. In this time had no,
heard one word from my mother. for she
a, whose feet had kneeled so often in
ehildheod's happy days, hsping swee,
and childish prayers to the Throne OF
Grace, and who had laugh, me
NJ voice can sing. no heart can ifame,
Nor can the memory nna,
4 sAeetet sound than Iesus' name
lac Saviour of mankind
knowing iull well my object in gong 10
the east, she had refused to write me one
word or allow anyone to write of her to
me. arrived home TO find that my
mother had passed away, and then, my
friend, for the first time the awfulness of
my belief rushed upon me. My kind
mother, gone-Where My God no
had none. Where was my dear mother !?
She who had loved me so she who lived
in me she who had suffered for me;
she who would have died for me. Where
was she: All. The echo answered
where. where!' And then as il 10
crush me, TO drive away the last remnant
of reason, the minister who had attended
her death bed, sent me letter she had
directed him TO give me should ever re-
turn, and bade him say to me that she
died praying to God that he would for
give her son and lead him back into the
path Of truth. My God, How lonely
was. IL seemed as If the whole world
had deserted me. and that was far out
into dark chaos, where wild birds OF
horrid plumage fluttered around me and
dark. cold sapors were engulhng me.
oh, my friend, never will forget that
hour. Never will the horrible darkness
that surrounded me pass from my view.
could hear nothing, see nothing and
feel nothing. All seemed blank. Life
itself seemed to be departing, and my
spirit seemed to be going out into empty
nothing. into chaos itself. In this mood
or condition, tore open my mothers
letter. Here it is. | keep i, near by
so can read il. read il often. Don't
think that am weak because | shed
tears. cannot read it without. You
could not. Think, suppose you were the
cause of your mothers death. she who
had watched over and guarded you in
infancy, could you think OF i, and not
shed hot and bitter tears? Blu, the
letter. While those awful feelings were
on me, while felt my spint gong out
into the bare, empty nothing that my
belief taught. read
Ny DEAR SoN:-While you are wan
dering in far distant lands, searching for
proofs OF the non-existence OF the God
who made you, and reared you, and
blessed you with health and happiness, |
am passing from this world 10 better
land above. Soon | mus, leave my
native soil, my home where had loved
and hoped for you. My son, may God
forgive you, you have broken your
poor mothers heart. Never from The
first day you denied your God
and your mothers teachings have lifted
my head. Broken hearted and woeful
have never left the house in which you
ieit me save to wander in the garden,
where in some seques,ered spot, sheltered
by the shrubbezy trained by your hands.
! would kneel and pray and weep over
you, my son. Many and many are the
prayers that your poor, heart-crushed
mother has sent TO God from the lonely