Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-02-15
Mumuruus department.
"DE COMIN' MAN"

"De comm man hasn't come yet" said
Brother Gardner, as he looked Giveadam
Jones square in the eye and motioned to
Elder Toots to draw in his feet and let the
heat of the stove have chance to circulate
around the hall. ''No, gem'len, de comm
de rheumatics keeps ON boderin' me l can't
expect to be on airth when he gets heah,
an take him by de ham an tell him how
powerful glad is to see him. But some
OfOur chill'en may lib to see him, an dar
vii! be sich celebrashun as no Fo'th .:
July kin hold a candle to.
"De comm man, my friends will 60 to
Congress unpledged an come home unbri-
bed an widout fear of meetin' de people
who sent him dar.
'De comm man will be Elected State,
County or City Treasurer, an when his
term has expired his books will balance
an his accounts will be squar' toa cent.
"De comm man will have a reverence
fur de Constitutshun of de Union, an a
respect fur de laws of his own State.
''De comm man will look sternly upon
embezzlement, bribery an all sorts of fraud,
an he will take a square stand upon an
honest polytical platform.
eff de comm man should happen to be
'elected to de Common Council de people of
dat city would h'ar such rattlin' and shak-
in of dry bones dat de music of ten brass
bands couldn't drown de noise.
GAS / menShuned befO' de comm man
hasn't got hear vet, an when pick up de
daily paper and scan de daily record of
crime can't help but feel dat de hero will
find sich job laid out fur him that he will
60 down into his butes an nebber be seen
nor heard from again.
"While l don't want to occupy Gle Walu-
able time of dis meetin' ober an hour an
l>>lc g. r. I Il TO ,o,l-
dat dis Lime-kiln Club isn't gWine to wait
fur any comm man to come. De Commit
tee on Finance am gwine to look into our
lodge safe once week all freu de var, an
if de money doan' tally wild the Secretary's
figgers cyclone will begin to circle. While
de Janitor of dis club am only allowed to
handle seventeen cents per week, Gle fuSt
time he makes seven an five count up thir-
teen he will be missed from his accustOm-
ed Paths: o.,,u,, &C.,, +o,u., s,o,
in in a lodge of dis sort, dat feelin' must
chop squar' off when a brudder member
am seen promenading down to de stashun
in company wild purleeceman. Love one
another, but return borrowed money eN-
actly when YOU promise. STAN by a men,
ber in distress, but let him know dat as
soon as he gifts we'll he will be expected to
airn his own meat an taterS an fiah-WOOd
Anticipate reduckshun in house rent, but
dOan' move Out in de night OWN de land
lord back rent. Be obleeging', but when
man returns your coffee mill minus de
handle an boat cog wheels doan' fail to
drap hint dat it would be less trubble fur
him to drink tea or pound his coffee in a
rag. Let us now embarrass de reglar order
OF bizness."
SECURING ADvICE.-A prominent De-
trOiter, who has the reputation of knowing
all about horses, was coming down Wood
ward avenue, the othe,rday, when stranger
halting him, inquired if he was Mr.. So and
So, and added:
81 have walked seven miles this morn
ing to secure your advice. will you go to
the harness-shop with me?''
The citizen turned back and walked three
blocks to the shop. The stranger then
showed him two horse-brushes and said:
"This brush is twenty cents and that one
two shillings. Which one would you ad-
wise me to purchase"
"I'd take the dearer," replied the disgust
ed adviser. "Did you bring me here SIM
ply to settle that question ?"
'Oh, no. had already about made up
my mind to get brush with a landscape
painted on the back. Now about my curry
combs. The object of a currycOmb is to ag-
itatea horse, suppose, but what particular
style do you advise? Here are both red
and blue handled currycombs, and | will
be guided by what you say
''Did you ever own hOrSe?" asked the
citizen.
"Mcrcy, no"
''D0 YOU own one nOw?"
"Why, no"
''rhen what in Taxation do you want of
those things?"
''Well that's another matter on which |
wanted your valuable advice. Isn't it bet
ter to buy brush and currycomb in the
winter and then buy the horse in the spring,
or would you buy all at Once?"
"You'd better buy a saw horse!" remark
ed the indignant citizen as he walked off.
"Just see thatn gasped the man who had
walked seven miles. 81 was intending at-
ter we got through to ask him to take a
glass of beer, and he walks off as if he took
me for a dead-beat! What other man in
Detroit knows all about horses ,"
LITTLE MULKITTLE AND SAMSON
''Pa," said the Rev. Mulkittle's little son,
'SamsOn was strong man, wasn't he"
"Samson was the strongest man that ever
lived" "Tell me about him." "It was in
tended that Samson should be the strong
est man before he was born" The bewil-
dered expression on the chid's face arrest