St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-01-05
The Williamses and the Bur-
glar Alarm.

| u
gIar Alarm.
The conversation drifted smoothly
and pleasantly along from weather to
crops, from crops to literature, from
literature to scandal, from scandal to
religion then took random jump,
and landed on the subject of burglar
alarms. And now for the first time
Mr.. McWilliams showed feeling. When
ever | perceive this sign on this mans
dial, | comprehend it, and lapse into
silence, and give him opportunity to
unload his heart. Said he, with but
Uncontrolled emotion:
Il do not go one single cent on bur
glar alarms, Mr.. Twain-nOt a single
cent-and will tell you why. When
we were finishing our house, we found
we had little cash left over, on ac-
count of the plumber not knowing it.
| was for enlightening the heathen with
it, for | was always unaccOuntably
down on the heather somehow but
Mrs. McWilliams said no, let's have Il
burglar alarm. agreed to this com
promise. will explain that when
ever | want Il thing, and Mrs. McWil-
liams wants another thing, and we de
eide upon the thing that Mrs. McWil-
liams wants-as we always do
calls that Il compromise. Very well :
the man came up from New York and
put in the alarm, and charged three
p hundred and twenty-five dollars fOT
it, and said we could sleep without I'M
easiness now. SO we did for while
say month. Then one night we
smelled smoke, and | was advised to
get up and see what the matter was
lit IL candle, and started toward the
stairs, and met burglar coming out oi
a room with IA basket of tinware, which
he had mistaken for solid silver i'll the
dark. He was smoking pipe. ! said
MY friend, we do not allow smoking
i'll this ROOM He said he was a stran-
: ger, and could not he expected to know
the rules of the house said he had
been in many houses just as good as
this one, and it had never been object
ed to before. He added that as far a,
his experience went, such rules had
never been considered to apply tC
burglars, anyway.
IL said Smoke along, then, if it i.
the custom, though | think that tn,
conceding of privilege to Il burglar
which is denied to IA bishop is con
spicuouS sign of the times. But waiv
~ ing all that, what business have you IL
= be entering this house in this furtiv'
NJ and clandestine way, without ringin:
10 the burglar alarm ?
IL "He looked confused and ashamed
NJ and said, with embarrassment Il he:
10 IA thousand pardOns. | did not know
Il You had burglar alarm, else | woul,
10 have rung it. beg you will not men
tion it where my parents may hear u
20 it, for they are old and feeble, and sucl
70 ii seemingly wanton breach of the hal
> lowed conventionalities of our Christian
l5 civilization might all too rudely sunde
30 the frail bridge which hangs darklin
!" between the pale and evanescent pres
u, ~ ent and the solemn great decps of tn
,o eternities. May | trouble you for
"a match 2
81 said Your sentiments do yo
on honor, but if YOU will allow me to sa
it, metaphor is not your best hole
u Spare your thigh this kind light onl
on the box, and seldom there, in fac
ia if my experience may be trusted. Br
'' to return to business how did you gt
m in here y
~, Through second-stOry window
r., sit was even so. | redeemed til
or tinware at pawnhrOker's rates, less COS
of advertising, bade the burglar gooC
he night, closed the window after hin
rd and retired to headquarters to repOr
to Next morning we sent for the bun gla1
for alarm man, and he came up and e,
planned that the reason the alarm di
AZ not 'go Off was that no par of IL
We house but the first floor was attache
M to the alarm. This was simply idiOtiC
nd one might as well have no armor at a
IN in battle as to have it only on his leg
The expert now put the whole secou
'"r story on the alarm, charged three hul
' dred dollars for it, and went his wa
y, BY and by, one night, | found bu
- glar in the third story, about to sta
,t down ladder with a lot of miscell
neOus property. My first impulse w
. to crack his head with billiard GU,
but my second was to refrain from til
attention, because he was between II
and the cue rack. The second impul
was plainly the soundest, so | I
cry Trained, and proceeded to compromi,
| redeemed the property at form
rates, after deducting ten per cent. {
use of ladder, it being my ladder, al
next day we sent down for the expt
once more, and had the third story
tached to the alarm, for three hundr
dollars.
"By this time the 'annunciatOr' h
grown to formidable dimensions.
II. had forty tags on it, mark
with the names of the various roo
and chimneys, and it occupied t
space of an ordinary wardrobe. 7
= gong was the size of a wash-bOwl, a
was placed at the head of our b,
There was wire from the house
the coachman's quarters in the stab
and a noble gong alongside his pillO
I'VE should have been cOmfOrta
now but for one defect Every mo-
y is en- door in the way Of business a
,tf rip went that gong! The first ii