The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1883-07-05
BECOME, DULL CARE.
What the Funny Fellows are Saying In the Ssv--
papers.

papers.
Given to failing: Said the girl who had
quarreled with her lover: Oh it's all rfehtf
Harry said he should try to forget me, but no
always fails IN everything he undertaken
Boston Post.
A lesson for Sambo: Fair teacher mot a phi
losopher OF the new schooll-Yes, SambO tha
devil IS everywhere, always tempting you to
do wrong. Sambo-Is he evervwhar. Miss2
Z. T.-Yes, Sambo. SIN dis yer roon9 2.
T.-1es- Son dis yer bench? F. T-Yes.
SIN nay pocket? F. T.-Yes. Swell. /
guess / got yer dere, miss, COS I amt GOT no
pocket.-LGs.
Jolted: Two gentlemen are discussing a
third, while the coach jolts painfully over the
uneven surface of the street He's sad
seoundrel, fear" says one. Not such a sad
seoundrei, replied the other as the vehicle
plunged into hole IN the pavement. as
you Wh-what?" As you think" savz
the other triumphaRtly, recovering his breath.
French Fun.
Construed literally: A vigilant sentinel Is
posted at the door Of a picture gallery with
strict orders Of the customary character A
sightseer happens along and is promptly halted.
" Here, SIR, you must leave your cane at tha
door" But. my friend I haven't cot anv
cane" Then go back and get one. No one
IS allowed to pass in here unless he leaves his
cane at the door. Orders IS orders !"-Pasis
Paper.
Daniels farm: Just given my boy Daniel
farm up near Middletown.s ne remarked to a
friend whom he met on the Erie train the other
day. :" IS that so? Well you DO the fair thing
by your boys" Yes. 7 try tor Is Daniel
ambltious2" No and that's his only falling.
As an incentive for him to buck in and make
the chips fly, I took a MORTGAGE back on the
farm for two-thirds of its value Daniel has
got TO SIT up and hump. or III forecI0se ON F
hin" - Val Street Nsus
A linguistic experiment: Digbv has been
working hard at Italian all winter. and re-
solves 20 try a little on a newIv-arrived emil
grant: " Pariate ItaEaaO, SigRor ~ Emil
grant-"Arrah! Now what are ye giyin' US"
Life.
Flats; Are French flats healthy? Yes. very.
Are the people in theTn healthy No. Whvq
They have to starve and 90 half naked to rav
the rent. Why are these fats called Freneh
tats2 To distinguish them from. the American
flats. What are American fats? The people
who i've in French hats-Lifs.
A military matter Major A. and his friend
W. met and had a drink together. After a
while W. asked the major up for another smile.
and the major hesitated Why, Maior,D saws
W. never knew you SO 10th to advance on.
retreat ''-.Boston Transcript.
Romantic gorges: What do You think Of
the mountain gorges, Mr Spicer?D asked Miss
Ladybird of her neighbor at the hotel table
well" said the other, thoughtfully. as he
looked about him, . I think that old anaconda
at the head Of the table has gorged himself
about up to his collar button. "-Bostos. C0maler-
eiaJ BHltetiR
rich father: The late Baron de Rothschild
once took cab to his Offices. and on aIirhting
rendered the proper fare. The eabman received
it, bat kept his hand open and looked az the
money Significantly, which caused the baron
to inquire whether it was not right "Oh.
yes, replied the eabman, its quite right, but
your sons usually give me double" "Thev do,
dO they?' WAS the baron's reply; "weH, they
have rich father, and can Afford it; I have
not "-LOndoa Society.
Ancient history of base ball: We read a great
deal st present about the FIRST base man, second
base man, and third base man. and also Of the
short stop man, and it occurs TO Us that Cain
was probably the original first base nan, Judas
IsearIot second, and Nero third, while the
Wandering Jew may be regarded as the origi-
nal short stop, for ne never made anything cut
short stop wherever he went. Noah was
probably the first pitcher, for he pitched the
ark within and acknowledgements Jearsa}.
Hospitality: Scene-st Fnoch's Station
Time-Afternoon. Rory MeRanter. a prosper
ous butter merchant, meets an acquaintance. q
young man Of slight build and meek dispose
ton. MeRanter heartily" Losh. Simpson.
am awfu' gled tae see ye, man, Am list gaun
ava tae catch ma train. A m stayin' doom the
waiter the noO-ta'en a hose n C0ur0ek for
the simmer. tiie's look doom some Saturday
efternune, an stay tae the Monday. vel Be-
made waleOme- Come doom an get the fresh
air ABBOTT ye. We've gOtted fine garden
plenty o vegetables an frit-aG ave BOUGHT
new set o boxini gloves; come doom an al
knock the face at ye.''-6 lssgov BaiIis