River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-09-27
HUNTING THE SOAP.
A Tale OF the Morning.

6upped out OF his fingers, and. striking
the wall. few down behind the wash.
stand.
Mr.. Brown Immediately got on all
fours, and laid his head on the floor to
see where the soap was. 1t was right
against the wall, and about as far from
one side of the washstand as the other
When Mr.. Brown began to reach I'M
der with his arm, he found he could not
get half way to the soap, because he was
on his knees, and his back was almost
broken. and sharp pain ran up his
neck, and he felt as if he had been
dropping potatoes all day
And then he lay on his chest as though
swimming, and thrust his arm fiercely
under, and took off about half yard of
skin. Tn caused Mr.. Brown to foam
at the mouth, and say TO himself:
SPY graciousl this is test case, and
am going to see if a cake of soap is going
to beat me, if / have to ay home from
business all day, and break the wash
stand up in the bargain.
So Mr.. Brown rolled over on his back,
and thrust his arm under as cautiously
as though there was hornets nest I'M
der the washstand On, on he went,
and Mr.. Brown smiled a smile that had
every possible symptom of victory in it.
BY this time his throat was full of dust
off the carpet, and frequently he
coughed. But now his finger-the very
end of his fnger-touched the soap, and
that momentary touch vibrated through
his soul like u gentle benediction, and
caused fresh crop of smiles to float as
softly over his features as does the
gentle summer zephyr across q field of
bearded wheat.
That touch had a magic about it that
thrilled Mr.. Brown with divinest melo-
DIV. 1t was to him, in short, what
fpring chicken is to the negro, and
found as lovely place in his dreams as
does the razor in the negro's boot.
Then Mr.. Brown turned on his side
to see the soap that he might grab it,;
but when he got on his side, his reach
was shortened, and he couldn't touch
the soap. Then he turned over on his
back, and felt the soap again, and at
tempted to grab it. In doing this he
only sent the soap flying farther back,
and out of reach.
In an ecstasy of rage, he thought he
might get the soap by making desper-
ate crack at it with his hand, and Strik-
ing it out on the floor. So he hauled off
and let fly as hard as he could, and his
hand missed the soap, and flew around
like a compass, and struck the stone
paper-weight that was acting in tae
place of the leg that was gone.
Before he could discover how many
fingers had been knocked out of joint,
he discovered that the paper-weight had
been driven against the wall by the force
of the blow.
Ere he could utter the words that
were on the end of his tongue, the wash
stand tilted and upset the basin of water
on him; and while the water was in his
ewes and ears, the basin followed, and
Law on his stomach like a tombstone, and
pretty near knocked the breath out of
him.
Before he could express himself, al
though there were about four thousand
words inside of him struggling to get out,
the drawers flew out, and emptied lot
of tooth-powder, and rqzors, and lather-
ing-brushes on him. Then the doors of
the washstand flew swiftly open, and
raised q couple of Jumps on him that he
will carry about for several weeks to
come.
After this Mr.. Brown turned over on
his chest, and almost inhaled iather-
ing brush, he was breathing so hard.
He saw the soap distinctly. The soap
saw him, too. He looked upon it as the
cat looks upon the mouse that is out of
her reach.
And Mr.. Brown grinned fiendishly at
the soap and said:
Gust come out two inches from the
wall, and give me chance to grab you.
/ dare YOU to come out an even inch,
you mean, miserable, fvecent cake of
soap So you'll take a dare, will you?
If I were only half your size | wouldn't
take a dare; | would face the music.
You are a spiritess, plebeian cake OF
soap-you are only fit to wash dog
with / believe you are only an lmita-
ton of what you claim to be, you
Here Mrs. Brown suddenly opened
the door against Mr.. Browns head, end
said
"Why in the world don't you come
down? The breakfas is getting cold"
"-??-!!--???-!!! p
replied Mr.. Brown, as he sat up and ran
his fingers through his hair, to get cut
the razors and lathering brushes.
Whats the matter, anyhow, demand
ed Mrs. Brown.
81 want to get that cake of soap out
from under the washstaud."
"Well, why don't your" inquired Mrs
Brown.
because can't" replied Mr.. Brown.
II can't reach it; can not get there"
Then Mrs Brown said:
"Do you want me to get it?
81 d." replied Mr.. Brown, with
grin of contempt.
"All right" said the wife, who there.
upon simply lifted the washstand out
from the wall, picked up the soap, tossed
it to her husband, and said;
Men would never be able to get along
at all if it were not for their wives.
Anybody would think from the noise
YOU just made that you we're trying to
reach under the bureau to get a collar
button out of distant crack with your
fngernal."
And before Mr. Brown could reply,
Mrs. Brown had fled swiftly down stairs,
and, as Mr. Brown sclaped the dust of
the soap with a tOrtoise-shell paper
knife, he felt very mean and humble tc
think that he had not thought of lifting
the washstand out as his wife did.
And in his rage he banged the soap
down on the floor like a baseball, and
then put his heel on it to crush it. But
it would not be crushed. 1t simply flew
from under Mr.. Browns heel, and landed
him on the floor so hard that some of
the filling were knocked out of his teeth.
And at the breakfast table he had not
a word to say, but felt the keenest hui
iliation. and secretly watched the clock
and longed for the hour for his depart
ure to business to arrive.-Puck,