The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-09-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

of the house. Ii fellow owned n mint.
he could "also keep the wolf from the
door. y Boston Co,Wjer
She sang Il want to be an angel, y
and he swore that she was one already.
TO this she bluShingly demuwed. Then
ne married her. Demurrer sustained.
Emile asks the teacher, (which
animal attaches himself most TO man?'
Emile. after some reflection: "The
leech, sir!'
There is Phipps, of Pennsylvania, An
gell, of Illinois, and Chase, of Massa-
chusetts. all wanting to get out of jail
in time for the winter lecture season.
A letter addressed to "Wjdow Smith,
Kichford, VT, threw the postmaster in
to n panic, there being eleven widows
Of that name in Richiord.
Nat Goodwin. the actor. replied, on
being asked what was the first thing that
struck him on his recent trip to Europe:
"The fellow who wanted to be tipped;
he struck me everywhere.
Can YOU change II $50 gold piece?"
he asked rs he gently placed the empty
glass on the counter. YES, said the
bartender. "Wel, I'll 90 out and see if
can find one
Here is another point in favor OF the
Darwinan theory: There is boy in
Norrstown who '.sprang from mon
key" The monkey belonged to an or
gan-grinder. and attempted to bite the
boy -N0rriStown Herad.
Yes" said the milliner, 1.-THE suicide
of Mrs. Drestokil is n terrible affair.
Why, she did it the very day sent her
a new bonnet, and people may think
the bonnet had something to do with it,
and it will ruin me-"
"Howdvdo?" said one citizen to an
other this morning. Il feel like big
sunilower," was the reply. You do
look little bilious, for fact" re-
marked the other, as he lodged the
cobblestoncs.
A Western paper says: "SamWeldon
was shot last night in the rotunda by
Henry Parsons" About the worst
place Il man can be shot, next to the
heart, is in the rotunda. 1t invariably
proves fatal.
Yes" said the Vermont deacon. Il
alwayS oro down IN pomO-mpptin and
aiwoys come hocl, feeIing GOOD DO Won
500 tbo5 mornifcont horse thoro in the
field? Well. YOU oupht to have seen the
old plug took down there"
Jca-oroam is now made from kaolin
, yb;tn clov rsna in norcnloin mann.
facture. Notwithstanding this startling
tho f,shionabln summer resorts remain
UNCHANGED.
ooiorod girI nj AtIouto Ga. was
l,nnoI.oJ o,,or h,. -, nnrin" and in a
fa,v n,inuto, l.ot mn -, If nothinr NM.
a,o, hnI ,,7,onnI ,uJ innl.;n6 oftor
tho on ,,i SID. won. 50 oor a hean Of
.,ni;tana ~ 80 snrvo I,,. Int H.o,I,|
p0.''In'9' ~ ~ , " , '''', ,'''' , wy 49,
"A leNao J0us;e oI"'' Ill., oa aI,. enc
memory 10 " "ItnH>' ""|se ou', III,
swer 10 P"eS'lonS was ioISe''
threatened sentence ~ pay " lne anu
go 10 PRISON l0r coi'e'hP" WIS inc
"SehoS einPI'S o"'
Inc 1oieuo D'"',c sI""o'V vi 'n"i"'-
Ter mas iia"G INC discovery tha1 "i!el
nuspah! anu "lle "'e 'o7e'itr Wnl'In9
ZOE OF rlo'!g III Il 9'tcc' caI' IL - ihS'tI-
AMY 'lle "lIe "Io T''o' tno snui iot
tne car loSIoP' IcFnall7 thG poor in"n
checA co"'' n't W i'o''''''
Always associate WIN people ih'eliec-
tnalIy your SuPeFIors' my SON. 'h9I
wiii'out Oh cou'IeSl' give you 'iie circuit
OF knowing rs hluGh ;'9 themselves ana
n0I question you c'oSeN' out iSnpi"nt
tolks are forever ASKING more 'hih%9
than you can oeglh 10 answer
me o"i+e Oh ms PROGRESSION: NO
san: CNc'touly eHclaliiicu TouVi'cIh
iarKy dominic 'o"V "hi'e""sii Oh ne
9leepS Cd my coat nooper COME from ue
roost 90 ac"icNGh-hou'e' Delii ihaiNs'
san, am ae Dao@e Cd my ProicSsioh'
san: :, ,,,,..io;o, 90 o,,nor;ono,
IL IS S"'" pS ply SIoi,'n VI up, ','
that the safest place curing y c'o ',y':
epidemic Is 'Ae plhey "op''s' I'''
statement VIII star: Il Doom DOC, io' Sp."o1
ana pine gum Whlch VIII pe clc"p"
by persons VINO cannot eihi9ra'e u '''e
plnerles.
There was once q man who boas,eJ
that General Grant had talked with