The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1883-09-28

holds about Ave hundred people, rs old
Sol would have to hire two hotels IL ne
took his wives out for " day. into the
country Ifyou would stop and think
once in q while you would know more,
\ The grocery man eyes had begun, L,
stick out as the bad boy 4 continued, as
though the statistics had never been
brought 70 his attention before, but he.
was bound to stand by Solomon, aud he;
said: swell, solomon's wives must have have.
been different from our wives ofthe pres
ient day." Il rs S.. IS. 4; 4,
Not much" said the boy, as he saw he
saw he was paralysing the grocery man.
Women have been about the same ever
since Eve. She got mashed on the old
original dude, and it stands to reason
that solomon's wives were no better than
the mother of the human race. Statis-
tics show that one womad out of every
ten is red-headed. That would give So.
lomon even one hundred red-headed
wives. just tina: one hundred red head
edWiyes would be enough to make an or
binary man think there is q land that is
fairer than this. Then there would be
out of the other nine hundred.
about three hundred blondes, and
the other six hundred would be brunettes
and maby lie had a few albinos, and
bearded. and fat women, and dwarfs.
Now, those thousand women had appe-
tites, desire for dresses and style, the
same as all women. Imagine Solomon
saying to them, Girls, let's 90 down to
the ice cream saloon and have dish of
ice cream" Can you, with your brain
muddled with cod fish and new potatoes,
realize the scene that would follow?
Suppose, after Solomon's broom brigade
had got seated in the creamery, one of
the red-headed wives should catch So
lomon winking at strange girl at an
other table. You may think Solomon
did not know enough to wink, or that he
was not that kind of flirt, but he must
have been or he never could have sue
ceeded in marrying a thousand wives. in.
a sparsely settled country. No sir, it
looks to Inc as though Solomon in all his
glory was an old masher, and from what
l have seen Of men being bossed around
with one wife, I don't envy Solomon his
thousand. Why, just imagine that gang
OF wives going and ordering fall bonnets.
Solomon would have to be king or
Vanderbilt to stand it. Ma wears five
dollar silk stockings, and pa kicks awfully
when the bill comes in. Imagine Solo
mon putting up for few thousand pairs
OF silk stockings. I am glad you will sit
down and reason with me in rational
way about some of. these Bible stories
that take my breath away. The minister
stands me ofswhen 1 try to talk with
him about such things, and tells me to
study the parable of the Prodigal Son
and the deacons tell me to go and soak
my head. There is darncd little encour-
agement for boy to try and figure out
things. How would you like to have
thousand red-headed wives come into
the store this minute and tell you they
wanted you to send carriages around to
the house at three o'clock so they could
go for drive? Or how would you like
to have a hired girl come rushing in and
tell you to send up six hundred doctors
because six hundred of your wives had
been taken with cholera naorbus? Or
20, don't mention il" said the grocery
man, with shudder. II wouldn't take
Solomon's place and be the natural pro-
tector of a thousand wives if anybody
would give me the earth"
eyes" says the boy, and think of two
thousand feet, each one as cold as brick
of chocolate ice cream. "A man would
want back as big as the fence to fair
ground. But I don't want to harrow up
your feelings. I must go and put some
arnica on pa. He has got home, and says
he has been to summer resort on
vacation, and he is all covered with
blotches. He says it is mosquito bites,
but ma thinks he has been shot full of
bird shot by some watermelon farmer.
Ma hasn't got any sympathy for pa
because he didn't take her along, but if
she had been there she would
have been filled with bird shot,
too. But you mustn't detain me.
Between pa and the baby I have
got all I can attend to. The baby is
teething and ma makes me put my
fingers in the the baby's mouth to help
it cut teeth. This is humiliating posi-
ton for boy big as I am. Say, how
many babies do you figure that Solomon
had to buy rubber toothings for, in all
his glory?"
And the boy went out leaving the
grocery man rejecting on what a family
Solomon must have had, and how he
needed to be the wisest man to get
along without circus, every afternoon
and evening.