Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-14
The SpOOpendykes' Lunch.

"Now, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopcn.
dyke, rubbing his hands gleefully and
contemplating his wife from the oppo-
site seat of the railway car with pleas
ant smile. ''Now, my dear, suppose
we take look at the lunch of which we
have had such remarkable accounts.
II there is anything nice when q man is
travelling, it is homemade lunch.
Develop the viands and let Joy be un-
confined!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
laughed out right in anticipation of the
gustatory delights in store for him.
"All right" giggled Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, opening the basket with trembling
hands. "Now you hold that, and don't
you open anything until Iget it all out, v
and Mrs. Spoopendyke handed him q
long roll of something done up in a
coarse brown paper
get out?" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke,
smiling at the paper and detecting
Bologna sausage, thing he detested.
"What is this, anyway, II club to keep
the rest of the lunch in order? Is this
thing the police force of this lunch!
Fetch forth the law-abiding elements.
if you've got any! Never mind the cx.
ecutive of this feast, produce the labor,
ing faction, the tax-paying end of the
business!n
"Here's some cheese murmured
Mrs. Spoopendyke, "and pie and
some smoked beef and some herring
and"
Haven't ye got some salt some
whereP" Missed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
plantin.y the bologna on end in the cen.
ter of the pie. "How'm 1 to quench
my thirst after eating all this truck un.
less l have saltP Where's the mustard
that goes with these merciesp" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke dove into the pack
age of beef and scattered the contents
over his wife's lap. "Ill bet the bologna
can whip the cheese in four roundsr'
he yelled, hauling the offending sausage
out of the pie and jabbing it through
the cheese. "Hurray! Now, we'll
sponge him off with the herring for the
next roundr' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
seized a fish by the tail and slammed il
into the basket.
"Don'tH' pleaded Mrs. Spoopendyke,
looking helplessly on. IL like those
lnlnSs, III you uOn l.
Cant ye let the lunch have littler'
squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke, hammering
at the cheese with the sausage. "Oi
course, you like these things! They're
right in your line! All you want is O
strike and step-ladder to be salt
mine! Where's my lunchP Bring on
the delicacies calculated TO supply the
waste tissue of Spoopendyke!' and the
worthy gentleman drove the sausage
clear through the pie and impaled the
herring on the other end.
Here's u Charlotte and a" com
menced Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Hand me the blushing Charlottev
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had
fixed his mind on cold chicken and saw
no realization of his anticipations.
"Show me the Charlotte just budding
into womanhood, and she shall have the
pie! Give me-hey! What's thatp"
This is q can of beans!" exclaimed
Mrs. Spoopendykc, Frightening little
You know you always liked beans"
LETS have emf growledMr. Spoop
endyke, reaching for them. "What
have you got to open EN- with?"
I'm afraid left the can-opener q
home," whispered Mrs. Spoopendyke
rumaging through the basket.
GLOW dye propose to open 'em
then?" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, set
ting his teeth and breathing hard
"Show me the spring that busts this
cover off! Guide me to the combina
ton of this stem-winding can of beans
Maybe this'll do itr' and Mr.. Spoopen
dyke again grabbed the sausage ant
went for the can. "How'm L gettin,
onr' he yelled, as the bologna flew il
all directions. "Think you begin tC
smell those beans any more plainly
than you did? WAIKIKI he shrieked
rs q huge chunk of tho pork broke of
short and landed in his ear. "This hos
don't know who he's fooling with! LIE
me introduce you to Spoopendyke!
and he ground the sausage fiat agains
the can and dropped the debris on the
floor.
81 don't know what we're going Il
do!'' murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke il
great distress.
"Now watch the triumph of minC
over bean?" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke
opening the window and placing tn,
can on the SILL "Thc reward of gen
ius" he roared, as he brought the win
dow down on the can.
Mrs. Spoopendyke lodged just il
time, and her unfortunate spouse caugh
the bean part of the feast fairly il
front, and was covered from his eye
brows to his ankles.
THAT what We wanted?" he gasped
as the full extent of the calamity
dawned on him. THAT what We beel
trying. to get me to dop bod gast tn
measly beansr' and Mr.. Spoopendyk
made for tho smoking-car, and wa
seen no more till dark.
81 don't carc,n soliloquized Mrs
Spoopendyke, assuring herself that tn
Charlotte had not been injured. "H
might have waited moment and b
would have had some cold chicken
But, of course, if he has made luncl
on beans, he won't care for anything
else" And with this consolatory re
Election Mrs. Spoopendyke ate tn
chicken and Charlotte in alternat
bites, and composed herself for a com