The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1883-09-22
ALL SORTS.

We hear of clever people getting ahead
of Time, but the veteran scythe- singer
soon catches up.
SIS Jay Gould religious man7" aaks
a correspondent. Not exactly, but he
knows how to prey.
| The evening had been convivial. 'And
| now, gentlemen, said the chairman, I'll
| propose toast.
This is the best fre-escape,. said .
minister recently, - affeotionately laying
his head on the bible.
One who knows says that in the coun-
| try they blow horn before dinner, but
in town they take one.
There is in Georgia negro boy with
blue eyes; he probably tumbled into An
old indigo tub on wash day.
E0bDy sp0rEsnlk5zz lxDstuosys . szsssss w.
ssketch feesh, . but kill fish" It's just
as much of lie, all the same.
Haste makes waste" remarked the
man who slipped up on banana peel
and sat down on basket OF eggs.
ST am the power behind the thrown"
soliloquized the mule, as he pitched his
rider heels over head to the ground.
Mint is said to keep rats and mice out
of the house. If fellow owned mint
he could also "keep the wolf from the
door,"
Bismarck is fond of Georgia water
melons. When devouring this luscious
article he always Keeps q watch on the
rind.
At this season of the year the good
deacon goes quietly to the drug store
soda fountain and gets his whisky syrup
titiously.
a man seldom looks more foolish in
the eyes of rival than when he kinks
his arm for girl to take and she does
not take it.
What Not lend paltry ten to me,
your other self?" my dear fellow.
should never get it back-I know myself
too WE'LL"
The fuzzy peach picked before it is
half grown is now q valuable assistant to
the young physician who is building up
a practice.
A summer resorter has discovered that
landlords at the mountains ask steep
prices for board because the land is so
very high up there.
Statistics show that when a fire occurs
in hotel not more than one-tenth of the
guests are thoughtful enough to pay
their bills before leaving.
A person do es not need to be very OBJ
serving or travel very far to learn that
| the great men own all the railroads and
| the clerks all the hotels.
When Hamlet said: '.But have that
within me which passeth show" it is be-
lieved that he had in his pocket COM
plimentary ticket to the circus.
| There is complaint in Western Ken
lucky that Eastern Kentucky has got ell
| the desirable offices, and is getting all
the next best things-the circuses.
| 'Sam, I have lost my watch overheard.
It lies here in twenty feet of water. Is
there any way TO get it?' Yes, says
Sam. s'there are divers ways"
Out west the cellar is the place TO go
in time of q cyclone, and when q man has
barrel of cider in the cellar, it's sur
prising how many times day he
thinks there's cyclone coming.
A young man who went into the
kitchen where his girl was baking, and
inadvertently sat down on hot pie just
from the oven, now boasts that he "de-
scended from the upper crust
A writer in current magazine says
"the song birds nearly all build low. >
Their human imitators, however, charge
high enough to counteract the humility
J of the woodland warblers.
The speaker who alluded to his candi-
date rs "the war-horse who snuffed the
', battle from affair."" climbed mp to the
composition room with club after read
ing it in the paper as 1.-THE ward boss that
snatched the bottle from bar"
They say in st. Louis that when {
Chicago man registers at hotel there
, the clerk ct once rings the bell and telli
a boy to t'show this gentleman 70 tn
: bar"
> In social game of cards it is estimated
1 that the woman asks "What trump is it,
: seventeen times minute; but then sh
: doesn't begrudge the effort it costs her
q Don't tell me you WON'T" said al
: Elmira father to his little daughter of 81
y summers. well, papa, )" said the artles
little one. what shall say when Imeal
It won't?"
. "Do you love me very much, Alfredo
Is asked o Boston wife. Bunker Hi
monument may fall, but not my love.
9 '4Then when you go by the market don
/, forget the beans.