Milford chronicle., 1883-05-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

unsatisfactory gas burner.
Ir is perfectly right and proper for a
man to kill off all his enemies by con-
verting them into friends.
An EXCHANGE says: "What is in
name p Well, ask your bank directors
to discount your note and you will ind
out
IF YOU ask bald-headed man how he
would prefer to be upholstered, he'll
likely express a desire for mo'-hair ON
the top of his head.
"TM sADDEsr when I sing" lamented
the poet, but if he could have sung for
s., 600 night he would probably have
been saddest when he couldn't sing.
GLOVE that man with all my heart,
said Philadelphia girl, ''but the trouble
is that if L answer yes everybody will say
that I married for money. He is an
editor"
Co1oRADo is Judged in the East by its
bonanza kings. Bother "We think so
little of them here" says the Denver
Tribune, "that we send them TO the
Senate.
''WHY are politicians always talking
about the party platform, my dear 2
queried Mrs. Rather of her husband.
'Loolzing for the deals, my love" re-
joined Rather.
CARE you any relation to my sister?
N. 1l,,,Io1 o,5 efafnnorcd until the
young lady. taking pity on him, solved
the matter by saying; "No, but he'd
like to be-wouldn't You, Alfred y
KIND words cost nothing and 60
long distance" We knew letter con-
tanning few that went from New York
to Philadelphia, and then came back to
the senders wife and caused divorce
suit.
'WrrHoUr joking, viii You tell us
what 'dude'is?" asked a lady corespon-
pont. Certainly. A "dude' is nothing.
It is merely an apology for a human be-
ing, and is too weak to be bad and too
tame to be wild.
"THE last word is the most danger
ous of internal machines and the hus-
band and wife should no more fight to
Get it than they would struggle for the
possession of a lighted bombsheu.-
Douglas Jerrold.
AN ARTICLE in a Chicago paper IS
headed. {" Kissed by her husband" d" A
Chicago man who has read it writes us
that although it is rhetorically tine
piece of work the effect is spoiled by Its
utter lack of probability.
IT IS feared that the great Brooklyn
Bridge will be failure because the
footpoth is in the middle, and the Amer
lean citizen is thus deprived of the pleas
ure of leaning over the outer railing and
splitting on the ferryboats.
IN MODERN Egypt a young man is not
permitted to see his wife's face before
marriage. Whoever has invested in
prize packages can imagine the feelings
of the average young Egyptian as he
gazes ON his trinket for the first time.
A HORSE in New Haven having trodden
on dogs tail, the insulted cur took his
revenge by jumping into the watering
trough and stirring up the mud until the
water was so bad the horse couldn't
drink it. A boy couldn't have behaved
worse.
"BEe pardon, sir, but could-hic-
Won tell me which is the opposite side Of
the street ?" 'Why, that side, SIR
(noiuting across). 'BIosh oblish, I was
sover there jus now, and asked mother
geml'n which was opps' side, an he said
this was.
The late Mr.. Rindge began his busi-
ness life as an office hoy, and died worth
g. 600, 600; but the Boston Transcript
believes that ninety-nine out Of hun
dred would rather begin worth $1,000
600. and run the risk Of ending as an
Office boy.
WHAT is the difference between a
newspaper man. and journalist" 2"
A newspaper man. is one who has been
writing editorials for eighteen or twenty
wears. A Journalist" is one who began
police reporting about week ago
PhiladeLohia Ne'os.
ANOTHER imposter has been exposed.
He claimed to be railroad brakeman
out of work but when he went out Of
the room he did not slam the door hard
enough to make the chairs dance, and
vas. Of colrse. arrested.
BARSUM has thirteen Nubians as Curl
osities. the claim being that they have
horror of water for "bathing pur-
poses. Now let him gather the New
York Board of Aldermen under his can
vas as a body of men that abhor water
for drinking purposes. Hartford Post.
THE Hamilton, Ala, Vidette says
eve have in our possession anote which
was found in doctors yard, dated at
starkeville. Miss, calling for $40 in
favor of Mrs. v. c. Curry. It was blown
here by the late cyclone" All those
who have notes to meet should pray for
a cyclone that will carry their liabilities
from Jerusalem TO Jericho.
AN arkansaw boy, writing from college
in reply to his fathers letter, said 80
Won think I am wasting my time in
writing little stories for local papers, and
cite Johnsona saying that the man who
writes except for money is a fool /