davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Early Morning Experience in NV York
City.

Seeing crowd forming. the reporter
fastened to where a lot of vicious idlers
had gathered around telegraph pole,
against which leaned a girl scarce 10
years old, intoxicated and helpless from
opium or alcohol AS the rough voices
and coarse jeers penetrated her dulled
ears, her maudlin smile changed to a
look Of shame and terror, and she Gov
cred her face with her hands. An effort
to escape showed her unable to walk
without aid, and she clutched the near
est railway pillar for support. A wild
cry escaped her lips At that instant
the delight of the spectators was rudely
interrupted by a gray-haired. powerful
Unframed workman, who flung them
roughly aside and forced his way through
the ring. AS the girl turned from her
prosecutors she recognized the new
conner
Coon, me lass, COON wi fayther."
and the rough voice was pitiful, the
hard hands gentle, as he raised her and
led her away. Thele was no word of
reproach wasted on her, and none of re-
proof to the scattered crowd as the faith
er's arm closed around her, guiding the
wandering purposeless steps more tend
erly than if he had been woman and
she little child.
As the reporter watched the strange
pair, and thought of the goal of suicide
toward which the feet of the girl were
surely tending, he suddenly felt the neal
presence of a helping hand. AS he
turned quickly the callow youth behind
him seemed to sink into a deep, peace
full trance; two ferret eyes, very close
together, focused staringly on the tip
of the nose, which, like Earl Douglas
drawbridge, ''just trembled on the rise"
The mere fact that one hand of this
thoughtful young man had just been dis,
covered astray in another mans pocket
utterly failed to disturb his meditations,
and as the reporter caught the stray
hand firmly and called the owners at
tention to the circumstance, the act
seemed vaguely violation of the sacred
rites of hospitality.
Rudely aroused from his reverie, the
stranger looked at his recovered hand
with surprised recognition, as if it were
a newly-born and wholly unjustifable
addition to his family circle, but exhib-
tied no vulgar embarrassment. Taking
in at glance the stale details of the re.
porter's costume, he observed irrele.
vently:
Yer trousers must ave ben hoff the
VERY pattern has me hold vuns hat
'ome. Hi vos a vonderin' 'ow they vos
a valkin' hout without me-"
But" persisted the reporter, ''you1
hand was in my coat pocket, you re.
member
'tVell, vot if it vos, Railways carries
me lands hin me coat pockets-so. Hi
knowed the trousers, an Hi never STOP
ped to hexamine yether the coat vos ha
sating-lined claw hor ha Prince Halbert.
Veil, SO long, see yer subsekervently,
and as the scamp vanished behind the
corner, the reporter realized that the
Bowery was wide awake at last.-New
York S2tn.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Where the Cost Does Not Exceed the Es-
tlnate.

The Mexican architect plans his house
something after this fashion: The site
he selects must be free from any sus-
piciOn of verdure or shade; the hotter
and drier and sander it is the better
He then mikes up some mud, stirs in
some rocks, and with the mess proceeds
to erect his mansion. The design is not
elaborate only four straight up-and-
down walls, without any such nonsense
as bay-windOws or mansard roofs; 4
window may or may not be thrown in,
and, when the structure is complete the
owner may stand on the ground and
touch the roof, which is of mud Also
The interior is sometimes divided into
two rooms and if the owner is a bloated
aristocrat-say worth $50 or S40-he
adds a sort of porch across the front,
and the thing is done. A whole village
of such edifices is a very cheerful spec
tacle. But Mexican architecture is i'm
proving. From the cliff and cave dwell
lings of five hundred years ago (per-
haps a thousand, for all certainty we
have Of the subjecO, they have arisen
to the present mud huts above ground;
and give the Mexican another thousand
years, and he may take on some SEM
blance of civilization in the dwelling he
inhabits.- Correspondence Boston Tran
ScTi9)t
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Swapping Dollars at the Bar.

A man, evidently a stranger in this
part of the country, entered a saloon on
Main street, threw down an American
dollar, and called for drink. The bar
keeper waited on him, and handed back
a Mexican dollar. The man looked first
at the dollar and then at the bar-keeper,
then in tone of surprise he asked: lis
this all right, stranger?" The bar-keep-
er answered in the affirmative. The
man gazed around in point-blank amaze
ment. SIS that the way you do business
in this country?" he asked. Again he
was answered in the affirmative.
Stranger" said the man, I'm going
to stay here. I've been hunting for this
town, 10, these many years. This is the
first place ever saw where man could
swap dollars and get drink to boot.
I'm going to send for my family and all
my brothers.-Laredo (T'er.) Times.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
The Gall a MaShar Had.

A certain youth having requested an
introduction to pretty chorus girl, the
matter was quietly referred to her hus-
band, who was in the company. He
arranged to have the masher brought
behind the scenes and presented while
he stood by, and the rest of the compa-
ny lurked about among the piles of
scenery to watch the fun. The intro
duction took place and an invitation to
supper was offered. AS her husbands
eye was upon her, the lady could only
remark that she thought ''this gentle
man, her husband, might object" Ev-
erybody expected to see the masher
faint with confusion, but he didn't seem
at all disturbed. He merely said: "Ah!
we'll, it would be too bad to annoy him;
let it 90 till some time when you're in
town without him." Then turning to
the husband he said in q low but distinct
tone: ''Poor fellow, | pity you. 1t must
be so unpleasant to feel that your wife
regards you as an circumference which
prevents her having good time" He
walked off, leaving them aghast at his
Experimentation Post.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
A iPossum Story.

Uncle Nose, why does your boy not
go to work? He seems to be idling away
his time
''Oh no, Marster Gawge, he amt no
idle boy, Pete amt. He's gittin' larnin'
pow full fast up at de 'cademy. I'm
maxim a scholard oh him. Yo' Pete,
come here an show de geman how yo'
kin SPELL bring him yo' gogerfy book
till he axes yer some spellin' outen it. ="
The gentleman asked Pete to spell
COW, mule ostrich, horse, etc, all of
which he spelled correctly. Then clos
ing the book he asked Pete to spell
'''possum." Pete made several attempts,
but failed.
"Heah, yo' Pete, said Uncle Nose,
''yo' gOod-fur- muffin, wuffless boy, what
yo' mean by spellin' de la gre animules,
SIGH as de boss an de mult an de hos
trich, an not bein' able to spell po'
little insignificant bird like de 'possum.
Yo' better study pow'ful quick on de
'possum, or fust ting yo' know yer'll be
hoein' in de cotton patch" : TEXAS
Sifti9g8
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Jeff. Davis and the nnnn.

Just after jeff. Davis had been cap
tured, said a gentleman reported in
the Boston IraUeier, Il called over at
the White House to see President Lin
coin. l was ushered in and asked him:
''Well, Mr.. President, what are YOU 90
ing to do with jeff Davis?' Lincoln
looked at me for moment. and then
said, in his peculiarly humorous way;
That reminds me of Il story. A boy
way out West caught Il coon and tanned
1t to considerable extent, but the an
imal created such mischief that his
mother ordered him to take it away.
and not to come home until he could re-
turn without his pet. The boy went
down town with the coon, secured with
strong piece of Irvine, and in about an
hour he was found sitting on the edge
OF the curbstone, holding the coon with
one hand and crying Us though his heart
would break. A big-hearted gentleman
who was passing, stopped and kindly
inquired: Say, little boy, what is the
matter?" The boy wiped tear from
his eye with his sleeve, and in an iniur-
ed tone howled: Matter! Ask me
what's the matter! You see that coon
there? Well, / don't know what to do
with the darn thing. | can't sell it, |
can't Kill it, and ma won't let me take
it home. =" y
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Two Blood Curdlers.

Two ancient prophecies of startling
character are ripe this year. One is
from tie writings of Nostradamus, a
French astrologer of the sixteenth CEN
fury, which may be thus rendered.: sin
eighteen hundred and eighty-three, when
woods in vernal green shall be, against
misfortune and mischance lame man
shall protect our France" The Comte
de Chambord is lame. and may be taken
to represent the ''boiteaux." The Sec
ond blood-curdler is: '"When Easter
falls in our Lady's lap, to England shall
come great mishap.' Now, Easter
Sunday this year fell, for the first time
IN about a hundred years, on Lady
Day." the 18th of March.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Social Life at Vassar,

There is not much formality about
the social life at Vassar, says a Pough-
keepsie letter to the Harvard Herald,
as all the students live in one building.
There is always considerable fun and
enjoyment in the senior class, as a GER
tain corridor IS their exclusive property
They have class parlor, also sacred to
seniors, which is used as a room for both
business and social meetings, and is
finely furnished. Outside of the senior
class, the pleasantest life is the parlor
life of the students. A few girls room
alone, but the great majority have par
lors, five girls composing family"
each with her room, but all having the
same study parlor. The nature of the
girls determines whether or not the
room is really for study. Perhaps this
system is conducive to cliques, but it
affords good chance to learn humanity
and to adapt ones self to circumstances.
Then there is the chapter life (neither
very social or very Interestingly, the
spreads, much fun, but discouraged by
the faculty, and class and club life,
whose interest varies with different
classes. Vassar is divided into many
cliques. 1t is not possible, it seems to
me, for any general sociability to exist,
for ''birds of feather must flock to-
gether,' and you cannot make them do
otherwise
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
lust Like Fin.


They were an old couple coming East
by the Michigan Central. When the
brakeman announced: Marshall
twenty minutes for dinner! they both
left the car and entered the eating-house
They had scarcely seated themselves at
the table when the husband took out his
old-fashioned bull 's-eye watch, squinted
at the time and passed it to his wife with
the remark:
''Now, I'll eat and you hold the
watch, and if we get left it'll be your
fault. Sing out at the end of eighteen
minits.'
And the good-natured old wife sat
there without eating a mouthful and
timed him while he pitch-forked every
thing within reach into his stomach.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19

Here" he exclaimed, desperately
taking out his pocket book-.'here is a
check for the amount. For heavens
sake let me have the picture, and will
say no more about it.
Half an hour afterward the detestable
canvas was in his possession; but it was
not until he had cut it out of the frame
and burnt it to ashes that he felt him.
self safe from some fresh manifestation
of the painters vengeance.
Meanwhile, Wiertz cashed the check,
and after deducting the sum of 10000
francs-the price he first demanded
forwarded the rest to the charitable fund
of the town in the name of Maitre van
Spach.-Ibe ArqOSY
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Lost.

There is scarcely anything that men
or women will not lose; from their plac>
in the prayer book, during service, to
their arms and heads. Within three
years 1000 articles have been picked up
in New York Central Park, including a
great many hats and bonnets, which
puzzles the sergeant of police, who
wonders how it is possible for so many
people to go bareheaded through the
park and into the city's streets without
discovering that they haven't their hats
with them. Among other things found
were brad awl. full-rieged toy ship,
a copy of the Revised Testament, ac-
tresses' photographs. leg of mutton,
bottle of pickles, marriage certificate,
bottle of beer. a lady's back hair and
wig. These two last articles point to
a vigorous matrimonial discussion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Wooing and Winning.

Probably there is no instance" said
Sir Arthur Helps. lin which any two
lovers have made love exactly in the
same way rs any two other lovers since
the world began" True? Barkis insinu-
ated. Viyien charmed Merlin. Alex
ender made n bonfire for That's. Cas-
sanio soft-soldered Portia with n leaden
casket. The garrulouS female in the
Arabian Knights told her husband
stories. Hippomenes had close race
Tor Atalanta, but he played the apple
game on her. In the Polynesian Islands
they win their hearts by beating their
heads with shillelah. Harry the Eighth
and Bluebeard We're off with the head
OF the old love before they were on with
the new. Newton poked down the to-
bacco in his pipe with his sweetheart's
hnger-a warm token of affection. Iris
tram did 1t mostly with 4 harp, and was
likewise a good liar. His two Isoldes
were TWO many for him. Boutwell, was
inclined to Mary and locked her up in
his castle. CObbett's wife caught him
by the grace with which she used her
WaShtub; she was never known to use ii
after the wedding. Sam Romillv. the
famous lawyer, killed himself because
his wife died. while n good many kill
themselves because they will not die.
Nicholas. of Russia. wanted to pop
at the dinner table, but didn't like to be
caught at it, so he imbedded RING in
lump of bread and handed it to her.
Charlemagne's secretary was caught by
snow-storm sparkling the Emperor's
daughter at midnight, and she carried
him home on her back, so that her foot
steps shouldn't be traced. The Emper-
or heard of it and saddled him on her
for the balance of her life.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
A Misunderstanding,

''How's yer gal comm on, Aunt NAL
vinv?"
''She's ober ter San Antonio, and dat
ar Gabe Snodgrass, what's jes' come
from dar, done tole me dat she's got
stage struck"
''Is dat so?"
Eyes, Mr.. Johnsing, it am a fac"
when am she gwine ter play?"
mot for a right smart while yit, I
reckon, kase de wheel oh annudder
vehicle break two of her ribs when de
stage struck her"
Il miscomprehended yo', Aunt Nal
why, at fust. Good ebenin'.''
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
Consoling.

$50 you dun got burned out on Hast
ings street las night?" queried one col
ored woman of another as the met on
Monroe avenue yesterday.
''Yes, de house dun burned to de
groun','' was the reply.
can you losted eberytin'?'
"All 'cept one bedstead, two chairs
an de bewro.'
''Shoo! Wall, dar's one consolashun
bout it, Mrs. Bebee, you has saved
huff to begin spring house-cleanin'
Onr'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19

and told the merchant that if they had
milk in them they were all right, and.
shaking one, was convinced of their
sOundnesS. The merchant could do
nothing more. and sold him one. hop.
ing he would get out of the scrape in
some way. In about half an hour after
the minister left the merchant received
note from him saying: Send me six
more cocoanuts exactly like the one /
purchased of YOU.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19

Austin Phelps holds that the style
OF clergyman discourses should have
perspicuity, energy, elegance and
naturalness. He deprecates TIE gush-
ing enthusiasm of extemporaneous de-
livery
Lake Tahoe is in California. So is the
liar who told San Francisco paper
that he saw pickerel nine feet long in
the lake.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19
The Right Kind of Coooanuts.

A Georgia paper tells of the expedient
OF trader for furnishing whisky in a
local-option settlement. He bought a
lot of cocoanuts, and after drawing of
the milk filled them up with the coveted
liquor. Soon after a minister called to
buy cocoanut. The trader was in des-
pair, but managed to tell the gent of the
cloth that the nuts were unsound. The
minister seemed anxious to procure one,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19

A lady declares that there are ID
scientific dressmakers in the country.
The trouble is, the fashionable dress
maker lavishes all her scientific attain.
ments on making out the bill. There's
where all the science goes.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-19

A sign Of Summer-W When the old
Shanghai rooster has one OF his wings
cut, that he may not fly out of the barn
ward and hold communication with the
dover beds.-P4cI.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1883-02-10
TEMPERANCE COLUMN,

Engaged and Edited by the W. g. T. U
at this place.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1883-02-10

MY OLD CUSTOMERS and the tray
Nl cling public in general are informed
that on the FIRST DAY OF APRIL, 1877, !
will take charge of the above-named Ho-
tel, where shall be glad to see all my old
patrons. The house is new, commodious,
rooms pleasant and airy, and eligibly sit.
uated WIN. RUTLEDGE.
January IL If
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1883-02-10
MUSIC for EVERYBODY.
MERRILI'S
| N G + N Gus
METHOD
COPYRIGHT SECURED. J

For starting children and others in the
culture of Music 1t overcomes the druid
gerry Of learning the ele ments of Music by
pleasantamusement THIS NEW METH
Cd teaches you all about the Musical staff,
Degrees of the Staff, Clefs. Notes and
Rests, Scale, intervals of the Scale. Loca-
ton of Letters on the Staff, and their re-
lation to the Keys of the instrument
This is very important with children)
Flats and Sharps and their use. All the
different Keys, how to form Chords or
musical words 1t teaches the syllables,
Do, Re, Mi, etc, in singing. 1t contains a
complete musical catechsm, 1t is Null
TUM IN PARvo. All this is learned while
the learner i. amusing himself by
playing familiar tunes Persons with no
musical talent may play the tunes, as the
guide is such that he cannot strike the
wrong key Full directions and four
pieces of music accompany the Method.
Sent by mail for 81 90.
5000 AGENTS WANTED to sell our
Methods or Charts to every family. Ten
dollars per day can be made by active
agents, male or female.
CHICAGO PIANO CO,
rs & so Van Buren, st Chicago, Ill.
sept,30'4m
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1883-02-10

"'Tis more brave to live than to
die" Therefore don't wait till
slight Cough develops itself into
consumption but secure a bottle of
DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup at the small
outlay of rs cents, cure your Cough
and live on happily.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1883-02-10

TheSecret
of the universal success Of
Browns Iron Bitters is sim
ply this: 1t is the best Iron
preparation ever made; Is
compounded on thoroughly
scientific, chemical and
medicinal principles, and
does just what is claimed for
it-no more and no less.
BY thorough and rapid
assimilation with the blood,
it reaches every part of the
system, healing, purifying
and strengthening. Com
mencing at the foundation
itbuilds up and restores lost
health-in no other way can
lasting benefit be obtained.
Dearborn Ave, Chicago, Nov. 7.
have been great sufferer from
averyweak stomach, heartburn, and
dyspepsia in its worst form. Nearly
everything | ate gave me distress,
and / could eat but little. have
tried everything recommended, have
taken the prescriptions Of dozen
physicians, but got no relief until
took Browns Iron Bitters. l feel
none Of the old troubles, and am a
new man. | am getting much
stronger, and feel frst-rate. am
a railroad engineer, and now make
my trips regularly. can not say
too much in praise Of your WONDER
BRowN's IRON BITTERs
does not contain whiskey
or alcohol, and will not
blacken the teeth, or cause
headache and constipation.
1t will cure dyspepsia, indi-
gestion, heartburn, sleep
lessness, dizziness, nervous
debility, weakness, &c.
Use only Browns Iron Bitters made hy
Brown Chemical Co. Baltimore Crossed
red lines and trademark on wrapper.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1883-05-25
HluslcaI Instruments.

REATTY'S ORGANS, 81 stops, 1928. Pianos
- 1927 90 Factory running and night Catalogue
free. Address DANIE FL Z. BEATTY Washington. y. !.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1883-05-25
Dodro an0 Rooms.

DE EAST 22D-ST, formerly Gramercy
~OPaIk-Roomsvi board permanent and transient table
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1883-05-25
DECEIVER'S SALE OF

VALUABLE REAL PROPERTY, ,. -
Ry order supreme Court assets h"'OAoi""NAV' INV a.
surance tOInpany 80 .oo.,,or +ho
KnirkerIocle Lie Insurance Company Will SCI! Df II
IndloyS a o. auciiOneers al the Exchange Shtstooh 30
iii Broadway NewYork CITY, on MO NDA1 NAV - Iooo
a. m nr1Ved ann unimproved property situate Ieas
ceie iacn fci.st l5Stlst and Motj-aye. Mott raven
on canal -n.st and Rairoadave Ali in the ~ehty thlru
52d-st. llth sud I<li ayes
ny. stony Point situate in Rockand ana orange 1onnus
N Y: PiermOnL \. y OrAngeiOwh'N II oPuy'o" Do''
A.o "a me dav time and place T. F. RAYMOND aucuoneeI
lsixt situate az C8s'letOn staten anu y
Y For aps particulars ap y at tne once OF NE AUG
uODeeTs or al The once OF Inc RECEIVER -'0' % '
New-NorS. 80. 49,. a,r 81, solo. balance IN
ooi'e'! Oh "o''''0' CHARLES H. RUSSELL,
Receiver.
FDWAPD H. HOBBS Attorney for Receiver