Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-07-25
PLEASANTRIES.

1HE snakes found this year are said
to have horns. Whittier are we drift.
ing?
EVEN the quietest woman can make a
hustle when she takes q notion to.-The
Image.
TT is supposed the Barber boys were
captured because they talked too much
N o. Pic.
The original "Uncle Tom" continues
to die with persistent, yet reckless reg
ularity.-N. Y. Com.
A TWO -YBAR-oLD infant with weiI-de
veloped lungs is better than an alarm
clock in the family.-ET.
eyes, said the Chicago man, she's a
dude, but he counts In the census; don't
let him be killed. 1.-THE Mosquito.
A MARRIED man doesn't SILVER now
when he passes q sealskin sack store,
but the sight of a millinery shop sets
him wild.
THERE is in Tallahassee, Fla, an octo-
genarian who never drinks water and has
no thirst for it. He is a Chicago grad
uate.-N, Y. Com.
A BABY, a hammer and q looking glass
can have more fun with each other in five
minutes than base ball club can have
In six months.-ET.
'DoN'T you dance at all this evening,
madam" "Not till midnight" 'sWhy
SOP" 'Because to-day is the anniversary
of my husbands DEATH"
A CABLE dispatch says: Bismarck is
much better, and will so to Kissirgen
III about a month. He should let gin
alone.-NeW Orleans Pjc0ye0ae.
1T doesn't speak we'll for the temper
ance of q community when it is no IN
common thing to find a Tasherwoman
with three sheets in the wind.-B08.
Trans.
A MANITOBA farmer has just invested
| $4,000 in a steam pillow. He has got
altogether tired Of being yanked about
the lots hanging on to pillow handle
Hart. Post.
A New YORK lawyer not only secured
divorce for an unmarried woman, but
talked SO good and kind to her that she
paid the expenses and preserved the pa
| per for future use.-FTee Press.
A CINCINNATT paper, in a record of a
murder trial, says: "The Jury went to
church last night. which compelled
the attendance Of the sheriff. Tough
on the sheriff any way you read it. Dos.
Post.
BECAUSE the cost of profane express
slOns uttered III public in fredericksburg,
Va, is 81. 80 each, southern scribe
thinks the privileges Of Interpretations
IN this country are rapidly becoming ex-
tinct.-N. Y. Conn.
A New YORK Justice has sent woman
to Blackwell's Island for six months be-
cause she shook her fist at him. A JUS
tlce of the peace has big advantages
compared to married man.-COor
Jour.
The Providence papers deny that it
was reporter of that city who was run
over by hearse, and later developments
do lead to the suspicion that the victim
was one Of the Philadelphia baseball
club.-Bo8. Post.
"WE11," said the lady whose hus-
band had run away with the school
ma'am, "there's one consolation. I
know the inside facts of this scandal,
and that's more than those spiteful old
maids across the way do. '--BO8ton
Post.
WHEN Lockport policeman desires
burglar to know that he is wanted. he
throws stones at him. IN the hands of
Scoops" entirely great, a rock is mightier
than a club, especially if the thief is on
top of a roof and the officer is down in
an alley.-N. Y. Com.
A MUsKINGUM, O., woman is suing for
divorce Oh the ground that her husband
conducts family worship three times a
day. A Texas paper says if she secures
a separation perhaps her husband will
have greater faith than ever in the eff
cacy OF prayer.-N. Y. Com.
MosT assuring: Brown (who is ner-
vous about sanitary matters and detects
something) = "Hum! (sniffs) = surely
this system of yours, these pipes now, do
they communicate with the main drain %
Hairdresser with CHEEKY gusto)-''Di-
rect, SIR Tableau.-L0radon Punch.
A WESTERN preacher whose congrega-
ton had begun to fall off somewhat,
had it intimated that ne would discuss a
family scandal the following Sunday
morning. AS a consequence the church
was crowded. The minister's subject
was Adam and E7e.-Smad0y Maya
zine.
One of the babies: Mrs. Hunter (to
dry goods clerk)-''If you will cut me a
small sample OF this I will find out from
my dressmaker how many yards need,
and can send for the goods by the
maid. Infant Terrible Hunter-"W Why,
mamma, that's just what you said in all
the other stores"
On the ocean steamer-Passenge ger
"Will you be kind enough, sir, to in
form me, sir, the location of No. AS? %
Mate" Take two turns and a half
hitch, let go the weather main brace,
clew up yer t. gallant stay sail, port yer
helm, and ask the man at the wheel. +"
Passenger " Thanks"
A New YORK man who sued rail-
road for killing his COW lost the case.
The railroad company proved by seven
teen witnesses that the schedule of the
road was pasted on the fence, where the
COW could see it, and, beside, that the
engineer winked four times at it, but the
reckless animal would not take the hint.