Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1883-05-23
A SLIM BANQUET.
Mr.. SpOOpendyko Invites His Friend,
MIR. SpeckIcwOitle to Dinner.

MIR. spoopendyko Invites His Friend,
MIR. SpecklewoitIe to Dinner.
"Say, my DEAR" whispered Mr.
Spoopendyke, closing the door careful
ly and approaching his wife with u
broad grin on his yisagc. "Say, my
dear, Spccklewottle's down stairs in
the parlor. He has come to take
dinner with us!"
"Great gracious" exclaimed Mrs
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and
bustling up to the glass to arrange her
hair. "What did he come to-day for?
Don't he know it's wash day."
"He came for dinner" retorted Mr.
Spoopendyke, turning pale around the
lips. "What dye s'pose he came for,
to be washed? What's wash day got
to do with it? Think the man can be
soaked in tub and hung over the
clothes line with measly wooden pin
astridc the small of his back? Well
he didn't, he came for grub, and you
want to hustle around and get it pretty
lively for him, or I'll begin to serve up
things myself before long
"But, my dear" demonstrated Mrs
Spoopendyke, "there's nothing in the
house! The clothes"
"Then serve up the Clothes" roared
Mr.. Spoopendykc, vino had utterly
forgotten the day of the week when
he invited his friend, and now wanted
his wife to get him out of the scrapc
somehow, and at the same time not let
him down with Spccklcwottle. "Just
put the clothes on n platter and set
em before him. You can explain to
him that we only eat three times a
week, like a dog in hot weather,
That'll satisfy him, SO long as he has
the clothes to eat"
"You don't imagine that he would
want to cat the clothes, do you?'
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, innoccntly.
"Just try him. yelled Mr.. Spoopcn-
dyke, enraged at the idea of being taken
literally, "Just try him and sling in
some of The natural grace You always
put on at the table! Mr.. Spccklcwot-
tie, have some of this fricasccd petit
coat p" and Mr.. Spoopendybc held ont
the legs of his trousers as Il woman
holds her skirts and waltzcd around
the room. "'Mr. Specklewottle, have
little of this poached night shirt?
Now, Mr.. Specklewottlc, do try one of
those fried socks, and slice Of the
pillow sham. Dear Mr.. Specklewottlc,
pray let me help you to piece of this
shirt collar and pair of stuffed cuffs.
made them myself, and though they
are not as good as that's the way to
do it" continued Mr.. Spoopendykc,
suddenly concluding his remarks with
a war whoOp, and presenting himself
} before his wife all out of breath.
"Think you've got that bill of fare all
right? See your way clear to Il sue
cessful dinner party now? How long
are you going TO let that man sit down
stairs in state of starvation :?
Where's that roast of beef | brought
home the other day."
81 think we ate that all up the day
it came home,' sighed Mrs. Spoopcn'
dyke. "Do you mean that roast with
the queer little sticks in it?'
"The same" replied Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, ncrving himself for another
ordeal. "Did we eat the sticks? Am
| to understand that there is not one
little dodgasted stick left of all that
affluent righteousness? Lift the i'm
penetrable veil of obscurity off the Sc
cluded bower of shrinking sticks" he
yelled as it dawned on him that
Specklewottle was in the parlor, wait
ing to be fed, and that the social
problem was no nearer solution than
when he started. "Let us unravel the
mystery that hangs like pail over the
fate of the unhappy sticks, that they
may come forth and fructify Specklc-
wottle," and in the excess of his emo
tion Mr. Spoopcndykc gasped for
breath, and resting his hands on his
knees, looked as if he were inviting his
wife to little game of leap frog.
! "There's some lettuce in the house.
and bought some Strawberries to-day,
and | could cook the steak had saved
over for breakfast" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, coming out triumphant
ly in the end, woman-like "And |
will put on my new wine colored satin
and we will give him Il nice supper
"Going to put that wine colored
satin on the lettuce" howled Mr..
Spoopendylle, who had mans idea
that a dinner is not dinner until it's
roasted. "Think brought that man
here at six o'clock in the afternoon to
take breakfast? Got some kind of a
notion that wormy lettuce, green
Strawberries and fried COW are going
to satisfy the cravings of man who
has Just won a bet of a dinner on,-"
but here Mr.. Spoopendyke stopped
short. The last revelation was unin-
territorial.
"Was it a bet, dear?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, opening her eyes in as.
tonishment. "Did you bring Mr.
Specklewottle home here on bet? If
| had known that and you had given
me time, l would have had a nice
supper for you. l don't suppose that