Smyrna times., 1883-01-03

ny santa OIauS lies IS over for this
year.
Monterey, Mexico, is to have street.
cars. The Mexicans want something
to look at while they smoke between
maps.
A peddler called at Philadelphia
house the other day and asked for the
head of the family. He was referred
to the servant girl.
The zodiacal sign for the opening of
Winter is a goat. The goat is a hard
butter, and hard butter is almost al
ways sure sign that the weather is
cold.
About the only Christmas toys that
don't get broken up the first day are
those that make some frightful noise
The. horns, drums, etc. wear for three
months.
A new club in New York is called
The Growlers." 1t is supposed to be
composed of married men who have to
wait five minutes when they 90 home
for dinner.
| The English are using new word.
Soldiers getting out of railway cars
"detrain." We suppose if they ride in
wagons and get out at the rear end
they detail-board.
A New York museum wants to have
a contest for hOmely women, but can't
get any entries. 1t is very difficult to
find women who think they are homely
enough to compete
A busy New England paper, the
Lynn Bee, does not believe in the New
York "our esteemed contemporary
style 1t refers to a rival as our
neighbor over Mrs. Maloney's fruit
store
No amount of argument will con-
vince the averags woman that if her
: husband was foreman of jury he was
not selected for that position because
he was much smarter than the other
{ eleven.
). Governor Blackburn has pardoned
N 500 criminals since he took the office
e There is nothing so beautiful in life as
= loyalty to true and tried friends, but
!. Governor Blackburn seems in danger
of going to extremes.
Oscar says that New York is a very
&c good place for one to stop for dinner on
= ones way to Yokohama" This is the
= highest praise we have heard for New
York since it was called the dumping
ground of the continent"
no The way good many people raise
ng children is to allow them to act like
M imps incarnate when no one is around
and then divide their time between
thrashing them and apologizing for
them when company comes.
New Workers now have the choice of
:, walking in the street and getting run
= over by omnibuses or walking on the
pavement and being blown up by steam
or heating pipes. New York, however,
ese always was an easy place to die in.
At dance given in North Carolina
led the other night one man was stabbed,
,rs one shot, two dubbed, two had bones
broken, one woman had an eye put out
and the house burned up. People who
Ca say Carolina folks are lacking in
an energy don't know what they are talk
ing about.
my An Oil City young man who has
'rer been speculating on the wrong side o.
the market, received a letter from hi:
. Philadelphia sweetheart the other dat
M. asking why he did not write to her
,oa He answered on a postal card " An
an waiting for the passage of the twO-ceni
postal act
. :: A Philadelphia youth who has beer
to the Hub tells US that the intellectu
H. ality of the Boston girl begins at tn
breakfast table and lasts until the ol'
folks go to bed. After that, if tn
tan right fellow is in the parlor, and tn
ex- light is turned low, she "acts like an
n ]. other girl"
A Connecticut genius is at work O.
ErI a new cannon which, he thinks, wi
carry nine-pound shell twenty-eigh
miles. If this thing can be continue
ther until our forts can fire across tn
pear ocean and keep other navies frol
lack leaving their harbors, there will
oves. some hope for our seaboard cities
ouse case Of a foreign war.
James Gordon of Peoria. Wyomin
county, n. Y, has been postmaster
d or that village for fifty-two cOnsecutiN
rican wears, and not once in that time hav
two the reformers charged him with beir
and tool of the bosses or demanded his r
after moval in order that sanity Democr'
iddle could be pu. in. The yearly salary
g the the office is thirty dollars.
tress, The Mormons by an act Of the
1test- Legislature conferred the right of 81
lance frage on women, taking, according
She certain long-haired men and shor
,tacle haired ladies, the last step of civiliz
his ton toward giving the gentle sex Il
grade means of selfprotection. Mr.. Cassid
Miss of Nevada, strange to say, wishes
much rob the oppressed sex of Utah of the
Salmi weapon of defense, and last week
hould troduced in Congress bill to disc
franchise them.
Ihode Hon. w. S. Stenger, OF Chamber
-.- | - L. .oon,nAnd the nffina of SaCI