Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1883-05-17
FLASHES OF WIT.

A WRITER on natural history says that
"dude is an animal with two iegF; il
which respect he resembles goose, but
he has no feathers"
The Presidents Florida Sickness would
have kept 5-yenr old boy III bed about
fice minutes. he waB homesick Tor a
sniff of the Potomac fats,
WHAT is the difference jetwcen the
passing OF full-dressed lady aud an
enfranchised grub One is tlntter.hy
and the otbcr is butterfly. -BOston
transcript.
Two st. Louis lawyers called each
other "dirty puppies" III court The other
day. Neither was ou oath, but their
evidence was deemed conclusive Dos
ton Transcript.
WHEN the telephone becomes perfec-
ton to such an extent that TIE breath Cf
person can be Transmitted, 1t will be
time to shuto off communication with CHI
cago. N. y. Con-
"IF this should me: { the ye Of Her
bert A. Sladc, arostrophjzcd Jobn Il.
Sullivan, while contemplating bis. fist,
"he will hear of sometlilg to his dis
advantage. "-PUcE.
A New YORK policeman recently shot
and fatally wounded brother officer.
This is the first time New York blue
coat was ever on hand at the time of
murder. Som. JOur.
A MISSISSIPPI paper says of candi-
date: "Hc makes n most excellent matri-
monial insurance agent, ana wo clrnot
see why he would not make Il wise and
able legislator. -LYnn HCc.
A MAN went into Gfng stUIe the other
day to buy some medicine. "Do you
keep the best drugs ?' "Yol can't get
better SIR" "Too bld, no use Of medi-
cine then, good dty."-Gus.
TIE negro, George Hazard, who has
just married Alice FiapG, the daughter
of The richest man III Boylatou, goes in
for the American Fiagg and an uppro-
printion. .-Bo8tOn TratScyipt.
A PHILADELPHIA o@ganist has been
discharged for playing (6hOugh very
slowly and solemDlS) ii march from an
opera bouife. Seventcep dcacons recog-
nized it at ouce. -PtjIadciphin NcnS.
SAID a loving wife to her husband:
"Do you know, dear, that butterfly or
naments are very ftsDionable'" Per
haps SO, he grntlly replied; "but grub
u
The new discovery that kissing cures
freckles may he all right, but the diff.
Guilty of youth who has The compls xion
of an African leopnrd Is That lie can't get
any girl to kiss him. -ROchcster POST
Express.
m. I. JUGG" makes this wise remark:
"Newspapcr men, ike pri,s sts, don't tell
oil they know. Ii they did the very
stones il the street would cry ont for
shame--nnd the latest edition. ."-Ncw
York NcTS.
A LITTLE boy in Quincy, Illinois,
knew what be wns talking about when
he closed his evening prayer by saying:
"Good-bye, Q Lord; I'm g0'ug over to
Missouri III the morning. - Chicago
Inter- ocean.
THE profits on the sale of Arthur Sui
livan's Lost Chord" have reached
100000 BY Saint Cecilia, an we
we had chance would lU.e a whole
woodward for half the money Brling-
ton HaWkcye,
"THE difference" said Twistcm, re.
ilectively, "bctwecn n youug married
couple and an old gentleman rabbit, ap-
pears to be Just this: Ones a happy
pair and the other is IL pappy hare. y
Pittsb,rg Tctcgr0ph.
DAVID DAVIS is about TO erect
theater i'll Bloopingtou. Illinois, where
he resides. He has maie up his mind
TO have an orchCstlG cl ujr big enough
for him, if he has to huid the whole cou-
cern himself. Lit.
1T is a breach OF etiquette rever TO be
forgiven to sueczo in the presence Of
royalty, but royalty has never bothered
Itself to tell mat What to 90 with lis
nose when he feels "a tne,zo working
along up his su>peuIrls.
Or, dear" exchim.d Eii,h to her
doll, ~ do wish yOn would sit still. I
never saw such an uneasy thing in my
life. Why don't You act ike grown
people and be st'i aud stupid for a
while. ."-B1rIing!0n NaUEcyc.
OMAHA wonders Why she can't produce
great actor, or poet, aud then turns
around and tells OF II citizen falling be-
meath wagon loaded with two tors of
stone and having Il .he"l pass over hls
mead without cracking his sBull
LAWYER" What did the prisorer do
next ?" Witness" think" Law
yer-"T There, stop there: lou are not to
tell what you think" Witness
" That's lucky for you; yon might hear
something you wouldn't consider nalter-
ing Crier-" Silence N The courti"-
Boston Transcript.
AT the meeting of the Woman's Suff.
rage Association one evening. one of the
speakers said ''We come armed with
u knowledge OF tie past This is ter
rlble. Every married man knows that
VI rFa ntl |,
a knowledge OF 'hc past, he has got 10
DO some pretty tau lyipg TO make that
past seem all right, N. J. Cun1.
THERE was COOL specimen of Amer
lean Wit IN the l, pIy y made by The old
settler, who bad lived III this city since
1t Tos a log cabin o. two, 20 the Young
man who WIS luttirg him through a
course OF lnterro&atOr q: "You must
nave lived here long tlme?' Gwen, [
reckon" "Why, how long since you
came here? "GOutg man." said the
old settler, sejzing tIre qnfs'ioner by the
coat lapel, ''do yOu see that hill across
the river (pointipg TO a lofty peok)?"
Yes" said the osh"r, II d." well.
L KIM here, sir, ~b'n tIat was nothin'
but hole in the nuuud. -Burlington
HaWkcAe.
smith WAsHINGroN, an aged colored
African, whitew ashed the fence of an
Austin banker for dollar and quarter,
which the banker paid him in Mexican
quarters at par. Several days rolled
away into eternity le:ore Smith Wash
lngton had any occasion to put one of
those Mexican quarters iuto circulation.
but when he attempted to do SO he was
shocked at the twenty per cent. discount,
His feelings were burt, too. He lifted
up his voice and said: jess ter think
oh banker in whom had ebery conf
dence IN de world, beating me out OBJ a
dollar. l lowed he was an honest man.
hadn't orter tuck dc job in de fust
place., and then he added more serious
": But eff 1 hadn't orter tuck de iob
to whitewash de fence Ineber would hab
found out whar do chickens roasted, and
as sold Iour dollars wuff OBJ chickens
mex mornin' be bank hain't cotched mn