The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-06-15
DEER LODGE, MONTANA JUNE 49, 1883
WHY WE LAUGH.

The boy who was kept after school for bad
orthogrsphy said he was spell-bound.
Could the pitcher of base ball team be
spoken of as ''the power behind the thFown?''
| Life.
he Is afraid to sleep with himself.-Burting
ton Havkeye.
Is the man who delivers q defamation
through the telephone a hellocutionist?-
| The Drummer.
Sir Always and Lady Sometimes Tipsy Is
what they call Lady Florence Dixie and
her liege lord in London court circles.
"IAre you the mate of this ship?" said q
newly arrived passenger to the cook. 'No,
sir; l am the man that cooks the mattel"
There are stories of strange animal in
| Texas, (which has features of both an OK
and horse"-a sort of animal equinox.
Here is fair sample of certain sort of
family government: "Mary, go into the other
room aud see what Johnny is doing, and tell
him he mustn't"
care ye dead, Tim?" said an Irish father
to his son, who had fallen down q WELL
"Not dead, father, but spacheless," came up
from the depths.
"No vehicle drawn by more than one AMI
NAL is allowed to cross this bridge in oppo-
site directions at the same time" Is q notice
posted on bridge in Providence.
A French lady, during the siege of Paris,
driven by famine to eat her pet dog, as she
was finishing, exclaimed: "Poor thing, how
he would have enjoyed picking these bones!"
Now that Arthur Sullivan is knighted we
shall expect no more musical works from
him, for the good book tells US that when
the knight ccmeth no man can work.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
"My Watch Below" Is the singular title of
the last novel. The writer's time-piece had
probably, by reason of hole In his pocket,
found its way to his boot ria his pants leg
Pittsbrg Telegraph.
The popularity of the English tongue in
Swiss mouths Is admirably shown in the
latest sign discovered in the Alps, "Repairs
hung with stsge-coach." 1t means, "Repairs
executed with diligence"
report states that "the Maine trout
brooks are lined with fishermen" That's
nothing strange. Brooks where fish are
known to exist are generally lined for rods.
Are you fly enough to catch on to this?-
DOS0H Stuf.
A "Tourist" combination is playing in this
city. The name is pleasing one. Two
wrists, when they are white and slender,
make combination with the back of fel-
lows coat collar that few men can resist
Pittsburg Telegraph.
In street car sat lady and boy. The
conductor came along, punched her ticket,
and asked: "How old is the boy?" "Ten
years old to-day" said she. ''We collect
half fare from all children ten years old or
more," said he. The lady hesitated, colored
somewhat, and said "He will not be ten
until about eleven O'Clock tonight" The
conductor colored also and passed, and the
passengers smiled.
Once when John Randolph was leaving a
country tavern, the landlord said: "Mr Ran
dolph, which way are you geing?" The
gruff Virginian replied: I've paid my bill
and it's none Of your business" Half an
hour later Randolph came to q cross-road,
and not knowing which to take, sent his SER
want back to inquire. The landlord replied:
"Tell Mr.. Randolph that he has paid his bill
and he can take which road he pleases."
Fond mother Ito the schcolmsster, who
had called to ask why Johnny, the eldest,
had not been lately to school): "Why, he
was thirteen year old last week, sir! Pm
sure he've had school enough. He must
know Almost everything now" Master:
"'rhrteen, Mrs. Napper! why, that's nothing.
didn't finish my education till was three.
and-twenty!" Fond mother: "Lor, sir! you
don't mean to say you were such thick-head
as that"
The politest man In Boston has been dis
covered. He was hurrying along q street
the other night, when another man, also In
violent haste, rushed out of an alley way,
and the two collided with great force. The
second man looked mad, while the polite
man, taking off his hat, said: "My
dear sir, don't know which of us is to
blame for this violent encounter, but / am
In too great hurry to investigate. If ran
into you, beg your pardon; II you ran into
me, don't mention It," and he tore away al
redoubled speed.
81 remember" said Detroit boy to his
Sunday school teacher, "you told me always
| to count fifty when angry" eyes? Well,
| Pm glad to hear 1t. It cooled your anger,
didn't it?" "You see, boy came into our
alley and made faces at me and dared me to
fight. was going for him. He was bigger'n
me and I'd have got pulverized. remem-
bered what you said and began to count"
| "And you cidnt nght?" "No, maam. Just
as got to forty-two my big brother como
along, and the way he licked that boy would
have made your mouth water. Twas going
to count fifty and then run!'-Detroit Free
Press. .r
"Might ask your hailin' place and busi-
ness?" inquired good-natured frontiersman
Of a tall, stiff looking fellow passenger.
eI'm from Zion, and l labor in the vine
yardw replied the other, severely. "What
do you Iaise?" persisted the frontiersman,
scratching his head and looking puzzled.
"Sinrers:" answered the clergyman prompt
ly. "Then come right out in my countryw
exclaimed the froRtiersman, earnestly.
"Uome right to Montana with me. We'llgo
in together, and we'll make more money than
you ever saw BEFORE" "What do you raise?"
asked the clergyman with a glance of dis
trust. ave Just raise the ID, and we'll
make your sinners feel at home from the
first rattle out of the box to the last card in
the layout! Come right along with mel
What dye say?" What he said was lost In
the roar Of the train, but the frontiersman
changed bis seat, and it has always been sup
posed that they didn't make adeal.-Drake's
Trarelers' Magazine.