davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
The Bad and Worthless

,rppeana v' nHiiated or counterteited. This ia
NItre y,s, 'lae OF family medicine, and 1t is,
lie hIyL,., mo0l that tho remedy initiated is o.
tested enIS' enI value. As soon as 1t had been
app E,,a 4 proved by the whole World that
hluaps to,' S,.,, was the purcst, best and most
ator.' ,'S saI ialaiIy medicine on earth, many imi-
Ii which EL'ahg up and began to steal the notices
'ouDtry no5 ,ho press and the people of the
htyerv "au ,r expressed the merits of H. b.. and
suse ;h,y way trying to induce suffering invaiIds
honey u',l oO u, stun instead, expecting to make
Many ot6aro sne credit and good name of H. B.
Ar styla r'ts ts started nostrums put up in simi-
aanes1 ~ 10 H. b., with variously devised
We're p,aS n which the word "Hop" or "Hops,,
they We,o ~ ~ way to induce people to believe
ReeDdoS ,ne same as Hop Bitters, An such
aer stvla 'emedies or cures, no matter what
with the ~ W., Ut name is, and especially those
Fh AN arr "ord Hop" or Hops" in their name
iane ar0 was connected with them or their
aAen =, mutations or counterfeits. Beware
Atgenn,naaO ouch none of them. Use nothing
Rtt Vroan r'nS Hop Bitters, with bunch or clus
',Ains sSn slaa Hops on the white label. Trust
slast S,'o; S.e. Druggists and dealers are warned
IN limitations or countsrfeits.
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
Don't Die in the Hons.

rUacbr. 81 I,5 on Rats" Clears out rats, mice,
hunks gn,, ugd bugs, flies, arts, moles, chip,
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
Capital Prize, $4,000.

e67 Prizes, amounting bo. $685. $40
Application for rates to clubs should only be
made TO the Ofice OF the company in New Orleans.
For further information, write clearly giving
full address. Send orders by express or Regis
tered letter, or Money order, addressed only 10
NJ. A. DAUPdIN,
New Orleans, La
Or. NJ. A. DAUPHIN, at
aN Seventh street. WASHINGTON, ID. ..
N, BIN the Extraordinary Semi-Annual
Drawing of next June the Capital Prize Will be
april 49, vs.
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
CT. NICHOLAS
~ FOR
YOUNG FOLKS.
deci2-atd&'


Parents who 4slre entertaining and wholesom,
reading for their children, and young folks who
enjoy accounts travel and adventure, historical
and Sese IN an SeGHo
dAs, Ia which Is rScognized by the press and public
finest magazine for children ever printed. The
new volume, which begins with the November
number, and opens with colOred frontispiece,
VIII De much the finest ever Issued, and the at
tention of all parents and all reading young folk
tions:
''THE TINKHAM BROTHERS. TIDE-MILL.
new serial story bv ]. t. Trowbridge, former
ly editor of sour Young Folks, - and author OF
''The Jack Hazard Stories, - etc.
THE STORY OF VITEAU."
An historical nevelette Of girl and boy life in
n The lsth SentSTy B Frank srmer
'Rudder Grange" etc.
'THK STORY OF ROBIN HooD.n
-, An account Of the famous yeoman. Ry Maurice
Thompson, author of The Wltchery Of Archery, .
'STHE sToRYtoF THE FIELD OF THE CLoTH-oF
GOLD"
By e, y. Brooks. To be illustrated with many
remarkable pictures.
"a BRAND NEW NOTION"
capital and .I n9yel play By William M.
SWEPT AWAY
''ST. NICHOLAS is above anything we preduce
In the same line. h-''L0ndon Ttme6.'
-, serial story Of the Mississippi foods Of 1881.
by e. 8. Ellis, formerly editor Of Golden Days. -
''ELIzABErH THOMPSON.
A biographical paper regarding this celebrated
painter Of battle scenes. Illustrated with pictures
prepared for s'St. Nfcholas'' by Miss Thompson.
''WHERR WAS VILLIERsp''
A thrilling story Of the Russo-Turkish war. BY
Archibald Forbes, War-Correspondent.
THE Boy AT THE WHITE HOUSE,
An account of the life OF 'STad'' Lincoln By
Noah Brooks, author of 'Srhe Boy Emigrants. u
'CoMEDIEs FOR CHILDRKN.n
A fne series Of juvenile plays. By Il. 8.
Brooks, author of THE Land of Nod, - etc., and
including Christmas Masque:
THE FALSE SIE SANTA CLAUS"
Prepared expressly for holiday times.
There will be short stories by Louisa M. Al
colt, and many other well-knOWn writers for
young folks papers on home duties and recrea-
tonH, outdoor sports, occupation and instruction
for bows and girls, With popular features and de-
partments. .#t F
Price, t3.0 a year; 25 cents number. Sub
scrtptlons should begin with the November num-
Der. The succeeding issue, 'SThe Wonderful
Christmas Number,n will have also q colored
frontispiece and many unusal attractions.
THE CENTURY CO., New YORK, NY.
novI3
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
The FnrInrntn N0...u--.

Nehnpi0r A '''O 4NoWb 0nUor'
he biz hii' hit t. u o. book and news man, who made
other day g,, IN ne Louisiana State Lottery tht
Llprcss Go%,,h,l5 s0I ms money yesterday per Centra
Nj S amount consisting of three S5 oeo dGs hiIs
not allow Il,ier lir Will continue In business. anf
THUS far bn "S good fortune to spoil him one BIZ
inall be,'i,nnads nas made great success out of I
iesR TAI 5I'@hlng Ghna. through hard work.-Ailen,
~ '"Onicie and Netos, March es
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
WANAMARER d BROWN.
AN ECONOMIC QUESTION.

The prod, ction Of wooden has been too
great during the last six months. A great
portion of our stock has been bought at
the extreme decline i'll prices We can
therefore sell, in the lower range of prices
especially, better suit for given sum
than for many years.
See our Mems $40 and $12 Suits as
specimens of a truth that applies to large
portion of our stock.
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
Liver, kidney and Bright's Disease.

A medicine that destroys the germ or
cause of Bright's Disease, Diabetes, Kidney
and Liver Complaints, and has power to
root them out Of the system, is above all
price. Such a medicine is Hop Bitters, and
positive proof Of this can be found by one
trial, or by asking your neighbors, wHo have
been cured by IT,
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
work aiiven ont.

work Given Out.
On receipt of your address we will make
an offer by which you can earn $3 to 81
evenings, at your home. Men, Women,
fnyB or Girls can do 1t. II. @. Wilkinson
q Co., 1876 and 1877 Fulton street New
York.
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
LOUISIANA STATE LOTTERY Co.

1--WE do hereby certify that we supervise the
arrangements for all the Monthly and Semi
Annual Drawings of The Louisiana State Lottery
Company, and In person manage and control the
Drawings Themselves and that the same are
Quoted with honesty, fairness, and In good fai th
toward all parties, and we authorize the COM
pany to use this certificate, with fac-sinles OF
our signatures attached, in Its advertisement
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24
skinny men,

wells Health Remover" restores health
sa, :la gToT, cures Dyspepsia, Impotence,
Slaal Debility. 81.
The daily gazette., 1883-04-24

the Oldest and best of the religious weeklies
For sixty years, this undenominational, un
sectarian and evangelical newspaper has
been circulating In the United States and In
almost every foreign country. Its sub
scribers are counted by tens OF thousands.
Each year It's proprieters have added to its
value, engaging fresh editors and correspond.
ents at home and abroad, enlarging and
multiplying its departments, and endeavor-
ing to realize their high ideal Of the Best
Religious and Secular Family Newspaper.
They offer, this year, to every subscriber,
new or old, whose subscription Is paid fol
1888, the new book of Rev. 8. lren@uf
Prime, DID,, entitled "Prayer and lts
Answer" handsome volume OF nearly SO0
pages, bound In cloth, the retail Price ol
which is one dollar. Specimen copies OF
the paper sent free. Address: ~ .3.
NEW YOEK OBSERVER,
dsssa-g NEW voRK
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
THE SUMS FUEL

What keeps the majestic ball hot and
bright? This has greatly engaged phys
lcists and astronomers, and various
have been their theories. If the
sun shone only by mere combustion of
Its own materials the calculation is that
Its fire would not last 5000 years. It is
very kind of DR.. Siemens to come for
ward with an entirely new theory, which
holds out the hope that the men of sci
ence are all wrong with their miserable
toreboding, and that the creation is not
schemed on the poor footing of Ger
man stove or suburban gas company.
The learned iron master and physicist
believes that the sun may very well go
on Illuminating and warming our world
and the family of sister planets for an
indefinite if not infinite time.
He supposes interstellar space to be
filled with an extremely attenuated hydro
gen, and interplanetary space with dens-
er gas, albeit more rarifed than the at
mosphere drawn around each world The
sun, he thinks, whirling on its axis,
draws into its poles the thin hydrogen,
hydro carbon and oxygen of our sphere,
and these being kindled are projected
outward at his equator into space. The
accepted view is that the heat and light
there developed and radiated perish, as
far as we are concerned, except for the
small portion arrested by each solar sat-
elite; but DR.. Siemens argues that this
heat and light do their chief work in de-
composing the carbonic oxide and wa
terry vapor which were produced by the
kindling at the solar poles, so that the
sun itself perpetually renews its own
supplies, and restores by its energy the
waste matter that has fed that energy.
The theory is much too technical and
complicated to be here discussed, and
we should offer bad compliment to its
ingenious author even to attempt such a
"a K. DR.. Siemens, however, has had
great experience with the phenomena
OF radiated heat, and his application of
the new view to the nature of the zodi-
acal light and Of comets is particularly
striking. Of course, it is startling to
hear of something in our own system
which closely resembles perpetual mo-
ton; and those who maintain that every
thing comes to an end, and that all me-
chanical energy must be gradually de-
graded and metamorphosed, will be slow
to receive the new suggestion. London
Telegraph.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
LICKING IN ELDER.

One summer in the years agone while
a camp-meeting was in progress in Eaton
county there arrived on the grounds o
bully named Miller, who had made a
vow to lick Elder johnson and break ND
the whole business. The Elder heard
the news with calm composure, and. as
econ as at liberty, he hunted up a world
ly friend OF his own and asked:
Friend Smith, didn't you used to
fight IN your younger days?"
''Ah Elder, I have had many turn
With the boys. -
And what is the effect of a sudden
blow between the eyes?"
lit astonishes and humbles."
Is there any danger of killing man
by such q blow?"
Never knew case of it"
The Elder went his way with a serene
smile on his face. Miller had his coat
OF and was hunting for him, and they
met face to face as they turned wagon.
Miller started to crack his heels and
crow, but he never finished. The Elder
took him one square between the look
els without stopping his pace, and it
took twelve rowdies, three dippers Of
wa'er and two quarts of whisky to re-
vive the patient and get him off the
grounds. One day, a year afterward,
he met the Elder and seriously asked:
Elder, some of the boys say I was
kicked by horse, and others stick to it
that was struck by lightning, but I've
always had suspicion that you hit me
with a provision stand. How was it.
anyhow ?"-Detroit Free Press.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
THE OTHER HORN.

Mister" began a small boy, as he
entered Woodward avenue grocery
"ma bought some mackerel here las,
night"
eyes"
"And. in making change, you gave
her"
"No. didn't I haven't had q
quarter with hole in it for month r'
"But ma says you gave her "a"
"Don't believe it-don't believe il
[ remember, now, I gave her half
dollar, quarter and nickel"
Ma says you gave her gold piece
for penny, and here it is"
Good gracious alive but SO did
so did, remember now that I gave
her q dollar bill and a lot of small
change. Bub. what's your name, and
do you think you can eat three sticks OF
lemon candy? All it does me good to
find honesty and reward it !''-Detroit
Free Press.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
HOSPITALITY.

Over beyond Strasburg came upon a
farmer sitting on log in front of a
house which at first took to be q sta
hle, because a mule stood with his head
inside. BE had an acre or two cleared
On the hillside, but he was hard-up
nan, and no mistake. I dismounted to
ak TO him about the battlefield of Gross
@'ys, and after while he said
Stranger, I'd invite you to dinner,
nj ] presume you don't relish dodgers
nj bacon"
inen we talked a little more about
'FeHo4Hs troops, and he said:
Stranger. I'd like to feed that boss,
hub my old mule has had to browse
mighty fine to keep On his legs this
Ill.
Then we talked about Stonewan Jack
'on and his march up that road, and the
a:lner brnnched off with:
" Stranger, [ would like to offer ye a
link 0 sunthin' warmin', but fact is I
1"'u's seen a pint O. whisky since the
var"
Ten ! inquired how far it was to PIT.
I; PGblic, &nd whether the bridge had
cen rebuilt, and he answered me and
died:
" Stranger, I do feel as if I orter ask
We n 70 see the family, but the old
wo'oan's down with chills, SAILS off over
5he ridge, and the fire went out an hour
go"
! mounted my horse and handed him
T cigar. That broke him up. He
'H'ned it over and over, looked up and
Il" ~ the road and from me to the house,
az finally seized my leg and exclaimed:
Stranger, I'm poor and way down
Hnd sometimes wicked, but I'm right
th'u' when a man calls my hand I
can't feed ye, nor warm ye, nor give ye
whisky nor tobacker, but if ye don't get
Il that boss and come over to the spring
lud have some water with me I'll never
forgive ye on airth."
And we drank to his luck.-M. Quad.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
THE UMBRELLA RACKET.

A Hartford Conn. man was denounc-
ing newspaper advertising to crowd OF
listeners.
"Last week, said he, ct had an UNI
brella stolen from the vestibule of the
church. 1t was gift, and, valuing it
very highly, spent double the worth in
advertising, but I have not recovered
it."
How did you word the advertise
ment?" asked a merchant.
"Here it is, said the man, producing
a slip cut from a newspaper.
The merchant took it and read:
'Lost from the vestibule of the -
Church last Sunday evening black silk
umbrella. The gentleman who took it
will be handsomely rewarded by leaving
it at No. =, San Fernando street.
"Now," said the merchant, "I am
liberal advertiser. and have always
found it paid me well. A great deal de-
ponds upon the manner in which an
advertisement is put. Let us try Ter
your umbrella again, and, if you do not
then acknowledge that advertising pays,
l will purchase you new one."
The merchant then took slip of
paper from his pocket and wrote:
eff the man who was seen to take an
umbrella from the vestibule of -
Church last Sunday does not want to
get into trouble ana have stain cast
upon his Christian character. which he
values SO highly, he viii retr!n it at
once to No. -, San Fernando street.
He is well known"
This duly appeared in the paper, and
the following morning the man was as
tonished when he opened the front door
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
4 LECTURERS EXPERIENCE.

Archibald Forbes, the war CORES
pondent, relates some odd experiences of
his while lecturing in Great Britain and
this country. Audiences in Great
Britain, he says, are very demonstrative,
applauding all through and in places
where it makes one wonder what there
Is to be demonstrative about; but Amer
lean audiences are much more self-re-
strained and critical. Canadian audi
ences are SUPERFICIAL. While describing
III a lecture the illness of the Prince of
Wales and the Queen, strolling up and
down IN front of the house, tall, gaunt
figure arose and, pointing at him long
finger, said: "Stop" Then, facing the
audience, he exclaimed: ''Ladies and
gentlemen! This loyal audience will
now sing God save the Queen" which
they did and Forbes went on with his
lecture. At its close, and while the mo-
ton Of vote Of thanks was, as usual,
being put to the audience, the same
figure moved an amendment which was
that " the lecturer be requested to re-
peat that portion of the lecture referring
to our gracious sovereign" And repeat
1t he did. Several years ago Forbes in
tervlewed sailor who had subsisted on
the bodies of some of his comrades who
had with himself been cast away at sea
by the burning of their ship. At Dun
dee some time after man met him after
his lecture, and, asking the lecturer if
he remembered him, which Forbes was
forced to deny, he said in a hollow,
gloomy voice: "Mon, Tn the cannibal.'
One of Forbes Chairmen, having got
mixed about the lecture list, introduced
him as "Charles Bradlaugh, the cele-
brated English free-thinker and orator"
He added that the audience might not
agree with ali the lecturer might utter,
but he thought he could promise him
from New England audience patient
and attentive hearing. Forbes advises
Lecturers starting cat with comic lact-
ure. at whose success they are rot sure;
L" s'r'5fe sleepy iIe:1a,i Chairman.
Once /" one - ils ,D,sl 9athct:c pass
ages, When rien Should Lave wept and
women tainted, The audience beoaD 10
8ullaw. lie turned to the Chairman for
protection. when, behold, that worthy
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
HIGHER EDUCATION OF WoMEM.

We need higher culture for those
women who do not enter the professions.
Our system OF educating the girls, as a
rule is very radically false. There are
notable exceptions, but the rule is the
following, that the object sought to be
gained is accomplishments rather than
solid knowledge. Women are taught to
play the piano and to use the French
language. They get a smattering of
many subjects, an intellectual grip on
hardly any. Even knowledge is given
them as an accomplishment is, not
for its own sake, but to make them ap-
pear pleasing. To be blunt, women are
educated so they may please men. The
fault is less with the teachers than with
the parents, who create the demand and
obtain the supply in our fashionable
schools. All this oughtnot to be. Our
education of girls should be more prac-
teal, more solidly useful than it is.
Every woman, whether she needs to
enter profession or not, should be so
trained that she can enter one. or at
least perform some useful service for
which society will remunerate her.
Every girl should know that she can
support herself if she desires to do so.
If this were the case, women would have
greater independence and freedom in
choosing their husbands than they now
have, and the knowledge that there is
an alternative open to them would cause
them to enter married life on footing
of greater equality than is now accorded
to them. There would then be fewer of
those unhappy marriages into winch
young women allow themselves to be
hurried for fear of falling burden upon
their father or their brothers; fewer of
those cases in which woman saws
"yes" at the altar when her whole soul
means "no."
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
DEVOURLNG HlSTORTCAL DOCU-
TENTS.

Among the great men of modern times
upon whom the pleasures of the table
have VIGOROUSLY exercised powerful at
fractions was the late Adolphe THEIRS.
He was, however, d gourmand rather
than gourmet, and his favorite dish
was picked cod, an edible which he held
IN such surprising esteem that he was
wont to describe it as " the masterpiece
of human invention" For nearly fifty
years he enjoyed it daily-that is to say,
whenever he dined at home-untl his
medical advisers discovered, apropos of
slight indisposition from which he
was suffering one day, that picked cod
was unsuited to the digestive organs Of
a septuagenarian, and laid their strict
injunction upon him to give it up.
Theirs would fain have disregarded this
prohibition, but his wife and Mile. Dosne
insisted upon its observance, and ban
ished picked cod from his table. De-
prived of the comestible he loved best,
he became so dismally low-spirited that
his friend Mignet, like himself Mar
seillaise and historian, took pity
upon him. Twice q week, on the
pretext of consulting his Excel
lency respecting the details of
a great historical work, he called upon
Theirs, invariably carrying aparcel under
his arm. Upon these occasions Mile.
Dosne would say: "More historical
documents Mignet will really exhaust
our national archives at this rate. He
has again shut himself up with Theirs.
How hard those two men work She
little suspected that Mignet's parcel
contained tin case of picked cod, pur-
chased at the "Trois Freres Proven
caux, " or that, as soon as the doors of
the Presidents study were securely
locked upon the two friends, Theirs
and Mignet fell upon the Historical
documents with a deep and holy Joy.
When, an hour or so later, they joined
the ladies, Theirs never failed to remark
in comrlacent tone, "Dear friend, that
was indeed q masterpiece of human in
veniion; upon which his sister-in-law
wonld rejoin, "I knew very well that
Mignet had brought you somemuniment
ofspecialinterest. "-Londoaa Telegraph.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22

lie VIC sell it. Ii We git boss we doan'
Ike We trade him OF. If we doan' like
Gle nayburhood we move away. If we
doalI' like our nayburs we let 'en alone
How, den. kin you 'spect husbands an
wives to put up wild ugliness, meanness.
Drunkenness, profanity, extravaganza.
On all Cat am hateful in de human
heart?
''Let 'em divorce. God intended
husband and wife to lub, cherish. for
give, an he all in all to each od,ler
Whar dey can't be SIGH it am thousan'
times better dat dey be divorced. No
man or woman who had lub in DER heart
cher yit applied for one or eber will.
If a divorce could be had by simply pay
in fee of so cents no husband mated
wild his vile would think of separashun
any mo- dan he does now. People
cheat an deceive when courtin'. Mar
ried life brings out de faults which dew
hide. It has allus been SO, and will be
80 to de end, an when husbands and
wives quarrel an hate, law to make
EN- continue to lib togedder am unjust
an wicked"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22
SARAH WASN'T THERE

Charley Shaw, of the Detroit Opera
House, was grinning at the window Of
the box-office, when in walked q chap
with an agricultural bronze on his face
and asked:
docs any one perform here?"
ooh, yes"
This afternoon?'
':No; tonight"
How much to zee emp"
:" Well, l can give you seat for half
a dollar, and you can hold your girl on
ycEr lap"
" Wonldn't anybody lafff?"
Not mnch We don't allow any
laughing in this house"
" Wen, maybe we'll come. Has ibis
Ihoa.er ever burned up?"
Never"
any danger Of ere on the stagc?"
MOT bit"
Any piellpockets around?"
"Noue."
'Does anybody peddle lemonade? 2"
"No."
ANY prize packages given cut?
ono"
9 lake half dollar with hole in
it?"
yes"
what kind of a play is it?"
"It's tragedy"
Tragedy? Then that laws NE on. I,
0afah was to q circus last year where
some one hit teller who crawled m,,ie,
the canvas with a neck yoke. AMI ii,
tainted so dead away that they tad 10
unhltch her corset and jera ~ her
shoes. Let her see a plsy where fo!lers
are Jabbing with pitchforks, knocking
Down with crowbars and sl;cing each
other up with swords, and she'd tumble
kerplunk and stop the how dead still
hope you'll co wel and all that bat |
don't bring no $ayah 20 see no trsee,iv
ana don't !ou forget It'll She faia,ed on
me- once, and MY hair turned gray At
the rate OF bushei mint tt"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-22

was waited upon by man VINO 5uuuyn,
he deserved something from Uncle Sam.
Did you go TO the warp"
"No, but was in camp at Elmira fol-
ten days"
"Were you accidentally wounded ?"
"No."
Have heavy fit of sickness ?"
emo"
sect chronic diarrhea ?'
emo"
Contract rheumatism ?"
"No."
my friend" said the lawyer, as he
looked at him in fatherly way, "some
pension agents might be discouraged
over your case and refuse to touch it,
but shall at once forward your papers
for a pension on the ground that you
were broken of your usual rest during
those ten nights. Call again in sixty
days for your back pay. Good morn
ing, sir-next !"- Wall Street Dasl.
NeaUS.