The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-02-02
HUMOR.

EVERY day proves the power OF the
press. The merchant who advertised
for boy yesterday found male baby
on his steps last evening.-Phttddetphld
Chronicle.
MEDICAL professor to raw student
"Where is the glottis?' IL don't know,
sir think you put it on the shelf in
the dissecting room with the rest -
your surgical Acknowledgement
Gazette.
PERCY: care you asleep, Rosey?"
Rosey: mo, Percy. Why" Percy:
"I1l tell you what / wish, Rosey."
Rosey: "What do you wish, Percy?"
Percy: 81 wish we kept a gooseberry
hop, and couldn't sell EN-"
RELIGIOUS inquirer: what can in
duce men to use profance and unholy
language?' Oh, lots of things. Lee
an old COW try TO scratch her ear r-sA
her hind foot while your milking, anc
you'll realize one inducoment.
PEASANT: II wish to get divorce.
MY wife drinks too much Priest:
"How can you say such thing, you
who are drunk every day?' Peasant:
"That's just the reason. Some one In
the fs,nily has got to be sober"
"AH, excuse me-" exclaimed an Ar
kansas man as he knocked down q
stranger in the street. 81 thought you
were a friend of mine. My eyesight is
failing me, so that I'll have to wear
glasses. "-Arkansano 1raveleT.
WE are willing to take a certain
amount of stock in newspaper accounts
of western cyclones, but when an Ar
kansas paper tells about a zephyr car
rying bed-quilt sixty-one miles, and
then going back for the sheet, we amt
there.
ais THERE such thing as luck ?" asks
correspondent. There is. For in,
stance, if you go home at 2 o'clock in
the morning, after promising your wife
to be in early, and find her asleep,
that's luck, but it isn't to be depended
n.-RichmO'1d State.
TEAcHER-"Why, how stupid you are,
to be surel Can't multiply eighty eight
by twenty-five? I'll wager that Charles
can do it in less than no time" Pupil
Ct shouldn't be surprised. They say
that fools multiply worry rapidly nova
days. "-BoSton Transcript.
PUcK's patient proverbs: The easiest
things are always the most difficult. 1t
is easier to find publisher for book
of poems than to wear your hat back
wards for three minutes. Grabbing at
fortune is very much like grabbing at
strange cat; the cat doesn't always seem
to be where she was when you started
with you grabbing.
THE Aeronaut who was about to make
balloon ascension was waited upon by
an American Eagle, who besought him
of his Charity to give him Trip Pass
to the regions of Upper Ether. But"
demonstrated the Aeronaut, why should
you desire passage in my Balloon when
by using your Wings you could rise to
greater heights ~ SILLY Fooll" scream
ed the Eagle in reply, "can you not I'M
derstand that my object is not so much
Getting There as going there at your
Expense?"
Moral-Base is the American Free
man that Pays.-Drake's Magazine
SOME one has said that conjugal affec-
ton largely depends on mutual conf
dence. A friend of ours quoted this
sentiment the other day in the smoking
room, and added that he made it rule
to tell his wife everything that happen
ed, and in this way they avoided any
misunderstanding. well, SIR" remark
ed another gentleman present, not to be
outdone in generosity, you are not so
open and frank as 1 am, for 1 tell my
wife good many things that never
happen" "Ohw exclaimed third, "L
am under no necessity to keep my wife
informed regarding my affairs. She can
find out five times as much as l know
myself without the least trouble"-
Exchange.
AN Evansville drummer was travel
ing in buggy over in Southern Illi-
nois, and stopped at cabin in
the woods and asked for drink of
water. A gourd was handed him and
as he stood at the well, the tall, angu-
lar, raw-boned woman of the house ask
ed: Stranger, if it's any o. my bust
ness who might you be, anyhow" II
am Hoosier, madam" the tourist
replied. "a Hoosier, Ell? Oh, yes;
one o them fellers that peddles socks.
Well. we don't want none. made dad
par outen his old gray wool shirt,
I've got par O. rayther good ones Wit,
an Sails IL tote her through till next
bar foot time if she darns up the heels.
Like to bargain with you but moneys
money nowadays, an we kin worry
through with wat hose we've got.
Watts that? Plug tobacker? Wish
you'd gimme bout half a pipe full of
Ia