Middletown transcript., 1883-01-19
CHIPS.

An inch advertisement in paper
is worth two on a tree Whitehall
Times.
"What kind Of slippers do the angels
wear ?" About three sizes smaller than
their feet, OF else the shoemakers lie.-
The Judge.
Cocoanut shells ground in quantities
and mixed with black pepper, indicate
that the season will be mild.-NeaO
Orleans Picayaaae.
The one great fault Of this life, is
the readiness with which man accepts
the circus bill for the show inside the
canvas.-SaIena Sunbeam.
The Congressional committee on
elections have just decided against adj
mitting Frost. Before June comes
around they'll be wishing for him to
lower the temperature. Yonkers Ca
zette.
A bald-headed man, who has heard
that the hairs Of a mans head are num-
bered, wants to know if there is not
some place where he can obtain the
back numbers. Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
The grasshopper has, according to
its size, 100 times the kicking power of
an ordinary man. 1t must be exciting
times for the young grasshoppers which
60 courting and find the old man home.
Boston Post.
Professor A. Aldirch says that there
is only one chance in million that a
man will get pure liquor when lie asks
for it. The professor has been unfortun-
ate in the bars he has patronized. Fall
RiUer AdUance.
A Kentucky millionaire recently died
and bequeathed his entire fortune to
the family lawyer. The family seem
perfectly contented with the will, but
the lawyer is little prov led at hav-
ing lost good Yonkers States
man.
my dearest Maria,'' wrote a re
Gently married husband to his wife.
She wrote back" Dearest, let me cor
rect either your grammar or morals.
You address me My dearest Maria.
Am | to suppose you have other dear
Marias Ercbanqe.
In recent lecture Henry Ward
Beecher said: "In this country smart
men always have a chance.'' That is
true enough, but after they have had
it hundreds Of them shake the country
and 60 to Canada and stay until the di.
rectors fix up the affairs with the stock
holders.-N. 0. Picayeme.
''Carrie SWAIN" says a Richmond
paper, carried the audience away will
her completely last night" This j
one Of Carries mistakes. She carried
her New Orleans audience completed,
away on the first night, and no on
brought it back in season to be at th
theatre on the second night.-Nelg o.
leans Picayene.
Why do women SO often wande
aimlessly in the murky solitudes Of th
dead past, brooding over days foreve
gone ~ asks a correspondent, and W
give it up, unless it be that she hope
by ransacking the dead past that in th
wardrobe Of the aforesaid dead pas
she may find something to work u
into a rag carpet. Laramie Boomer
G1lg.
"Look here, Y said the governor to
high State official, "when are you gC
ing to pay me that ten dollars ?''-
"Upon my honor, governor, I don
know" Why, sir, the other da
when / mentioned the fact Of your il
debtedness, you asked me where woul
be Tuesday" Yes, sir" Wei
wasn't that a promise that you woul
pay me Tuesday ~ "No, sir" "Whl
then, did you want to know where
would be Tuesday ?'' Because
wanted to know where you'd be, SO
could make arrangements to be somt
where else. .''-Arkdnsde Traveller.
Burdette was advertised to deliver
funny lecture at st. Johnsbury, vt
and as there was revival in progress
a committee waited upon the humori;
and asked him not to say anything funn
as it might interfere with the reviva
SO Burdette relented and repeated on
Of Mark Twain's speeches, which didn
hurt the revival at all. If revivs
can't stand lecture from genial Bo
Burdette, whose humor is more beaut
full religion than half the sermons, an
who never uttered a sentence that wa
not full Of charity ond love, as well a
humor, it is poor sort Of revival
PecE's Sun
VIT T. n