The Evening critic., 1883-03-19
THE CRITIC ABROAD,

with DIR. X. b. Bradford at his elegant
home on Thirteenth street yesterday After
full Justice had been done the terrapn aud
canvas-back ducks, and the necki of
several dozen bottles of various brands VI
old wines had been broken and the con
tents drunk, one of the guests present
said:
Or Bradford, did it ever occur to you
that Rutherford B. Hayes, who Is now
citizen OF Fremont, Ohio, has never been
thoroughly understood by the American
people?"
why continued the gentleman
Hayes is regarded by many as cold, calcu-
lating, selfish man, while l know to the
contrary. He is a Democrat in all that the
word implies. 1 remember when his name
was first mentioned in connection with the
nomination for Congress in the First Dis
trict. He mingled in with the boys aud
was one of them. Hayes knew just as
much about fixing the primaries as Eph
Holland, or any other ward-striker in Gin
cinnati. One day, just before the meeting
Of the convention, which nominated him
for Congress, Hayes and l were walking
down Vine street. when Peggy Ryan, of
the Nineteenth Ward, met us:
"'Hello! General Hayes said Peggy,
we are working like hi down in the
old nineteenth for you, and you can just
bet your boots that we will fix things, too
Hayes smiled at this familiar salutation
of his friend Peggy, and said We'll,
Peggy, keep up the good work, and think
too that we will win
But added Peggy, we can't do moth
in down there without sugar. It's sugar
we want You know the boys must have
'em set up by way Of enthusin EN-. you
know
"'oh, said General Hayes, it's money
that Won want?'
"'That what I said you know. The
boys aint er going to run their legs off for
you without being wet up between times
:" At this point Hayes drew from his
pocket a well.flled wallet, and taking from
it five new five-dollar bills, said;
90 Here, Peggy, take this and make the
best possible use of it,
Peggy took the money, and the Nine
teenth Ward was solid for Hayes in the
convention.
Now, who can say that Hayes is stiff? i?
Why, he is one Of the boys from the word
go!" continued the talker.
-:o:-
Years and years ago there walked into
Judge Stewards printing office, in the little
town of Somerset, Ohio, ragged but
bright and mischicvous- looking boy. He
walked boldly up to the Judge and said to
him:
II want to learn to be a printer in your
Office"
"You want to be devil, do you ?" in
quired the Judge.
We'll, they say am devil at home, but
l don't care what you call it, so l can get a
chance to learn to be a printer"
What is your name, my son?"
MY name is Mickey Sheridan"
"All right" said the Judge, ~ will try
you"
The Judge took mickey" out into the
composing-roo and turned him over to
the foreman. Time rolled on, and Mickey"
learned rapidly, but was terror to every
that could be thought of that Mickey was
not up to. He was eternally playing tricks
on everybody in the office, even the Judge.
After he had been in the office for two
years the Judge concluded to put him at
school. He had not been in school more
than two months when the teacher sent
him home with note to his father aud the
Judge that he was too bad for any use
that he was the terror of the whole school !;
that he kept every other scholar from
learning.
The Judge and "Mickey's" father called
on the teacher and begged of him to
take mickey" back. The teacher said to
them that if he came back he would treat
him well, but he would be pleased if he
would stay away-he was too bad for any
purpose
"AIickeyn went back, however, and from
there to West Point. Now who do you
suppose, gentle reader, Mickey" Sheridan
was? Who do you suppose he is? The
| Critic will tell you. He is Lieutenant-Ge
| al Phil Sheridan the General Of the United
States Army upon the retirement of General
| Sherman.
| -:o:
| Western "jedges and Southern colonels
have long since become proverbial as good
story-tellers. The Critic, while looking
about for pointers" the Other
night, found looking
Colorado judge, with long hair and
a suggestive bright-hued complexion
posing, with the elegance Of prince, before
the bar of an uptown restaurant After q
| few preliminary remarks some one sug.
| gested that as nearly three minutes had
elapsed between drinks it might be well to
fill up. They all drank except the Critic
His well.known temperance proclivitieS
saved him from draught Of red-eye
which had already made itself quite visible
on the faces of the Judge and several Join.
in by-standers of the don't-care-if-I-dO or
der.
Speaking of temperance men," said the
Westerner, reminds me Of fellow who
struck our town in the spring Of '5S, during
: the Washington temperance movement
which had oven extended to that far
distant section. He was New Englande
and Travelled under the title of Hanks--tht
boys called him Cold-Water Hanks. Now
Imust confess that more liquor was drank
in our town than in any other in the Who'll,
Territory, but there were palliating cir
cumstances to be considered. Our entir,
water supply was brought from the marshy
bullfrog ponds Of Kayon Canyon, thirty
miles distant, and the flavor of the wate
was anything but agreeable, so we used Il
drink 1T half-whisky. Hanks, however
took his malarial march-water straight
and remained in the town for nearly
year preaching temperance to small audi
died-was found dead in his bed one morn
ing. As judge, /, Of course, ordered pos
mortem examination. Hanks stomach
ined. Shortly afterward the doctor cam
rushing into my office, and exclaimed
Great God, Judge that mans stomac
was genuine aquarium. We found it ful
of tadpoles and young snakes-that ami
malculR water did the work.
"Afterward no temperance man dared t
advocate his principles In our town, an,
the liquor ranches did rushing business.
| -:o;--
"What is Senator Edmunds' income?
asked gentleman yesterday of warn
personal friend Of the distinguished Vel
mont Senator.
Senator Edmunds is not pauper. ii
receives liberal salary as counsel for til
Vermont Central Railroad, and is consulte
Hansu lNaa = n II L