The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-07-20
HUMOR.


the rear.
The Oldest song in existence is said
to be I'VE Went Go Home Till Morn
ing" 1t evidently belongs TO very
early times.
"IwAs so mad at George last night"
said girl of her sweetheart. "Yes,"
said her ill-natured brother, Il noticed
when / looked in the parlor that you
were up in arms.
A CHICAGO doctor advertised: Don't
mistake dropsy for consumption"
That's right this constant installing
delirium tremens for malaria is bad
enough. -BOstOn Post
ORTHODOX SPELLING.
Ayoung man who was deeply in debt,
But he felt much In doubt
How his fate would turn oubt
II loss he should happen to gebt
any Watch Below" is the singular
title of the last novel. The writer's
timepiece had probably, by reason Of
hole in his pocket, found its way to his
boot via his pants leg.-PiHsba.rgh
Telegraph
"MR. JONES, think 1 will have to
raise your board" said a boarding
house keeper to gentleman whose APP
petite seemed to increase every day.
"Ah, thank you very much for your
kindness in raising my board. have
been unable to raise it myself for some
time. ".-Hdrlen, Times.
"GoIN' fur?' the inquisitive traveller
asked the man on the wood-box.
"Well, yes," he replied, II reckon it
fur I'm going to Buffalo" And be-
ing thus pelted with this answer, the
inquisitive man looked as though he
wanted to hide somewhere. But this is
furrin to the subject. -Hackeye.
"YoUNG Politician" writes "Why
does State have Legislature?" My
dear boy, it doesn't. The Legislature
has tho State every time. Has it by
the throat, by large majority. Has 1T
by the pocket-book. Has it on its
back. You bet your slippers, young
man, the State never has the Leglsla-
re.-Batrlington Haackeye.
THIS touching little incident Is from
the Rochester Post. One rises from its
perusal with mixed feelings: "A beauti-
full young girl was about to be married
to a bachelor 20 years of age but very
rich. On the eve of her marriage she
learned that his wealth had been sud-
denly swept away, leaving him penni-
less old man. Did the girl desert him
in this his hour of trouble? She did in
deed, and her parents helped her.
too"
DO YOU remember the first time L
ever kissed you, darling, how we stood
in the old honey-suckle bower, while
the moon was just rising over the bay
and the tide was licking the pebbles on
the beach 2" II can never forget it.,
she answered, gazing at him with look
of unutterable affection. You were
chewing cloves a good deal at that time
to cure your Indigestion, Charlie, and
oh, how your breath did smell of
themF
A YOUNG Chicago mechanic saw an
overcoat in secondhand clothing
store, which he thought he would be
glad to possess at reasonable price.
"How 2" he asked. "Twenty-one
dollars" was the reply. The haggling
took place, and the mechanic started to
leave the store. How much do you
gif?" asks the merchant. Three dol
lars" "Took it then, L shall shush be
der ruin of myself. 1 only make 50 on
dot coat, so help me gracious Cart
Pret.ePS Weekly.
THE TRAIN
Hank
It comes
IL huns
With ear TO ground
i catch the sound,
The warning courier roar
That runs along before.
The pulsing, struggling now Is clearerl
The hill-sides echo Nearer nearer,
TIL, Ikea drove OF rushing, frightened cattle.
With dust and wind and clang and shrek and
rattle,
Passes the Cylops Of the trainl
see fair face at n PANE
Like pano-string
The raiIs. unburdened, sing:
The white smoke flies
Up to the skies:
Is drowned
Hank
Charles IT. CranddH, IN The Century.
Two NoRMANs are at dinner, and one
Of them is telling rather long-winded
story. When he reaches the end of it
his companion remarks, Il guess you've
got it mixed up. As L heard it, it was
quite different. You must have been
misinformed. "Misinformedw cries
the other. Not at all. L got it di-
rectly from the person himself"
~Then must have misunderstood what
you have just said" Perhaps, or
may not have been so clear as l should
have been. This is the way it was"
He proceeds, to recite the story, and
when he gets about half through his
companion interrupts him, as follows:
"You needn't mind telling me the rest
of it. I've finished the asparagus
Greeley and Raymond.
i have been acquainted, under cir
cumstances of more or less intimacy,
with most of the prominent men in every
department of life during the past quar-
ter of century, but in readiness and
versatility of resources, in the power Of
instant and intense industry at will, in
the ability to bring at once and upon
call all their resources and information
to the question at hand, in the rare
faculty of watching and thinking at the
same moment, none of them have COM
pared with Horace Greeley and Henry
n Rovp,of.I (bn91pon ~ Tleno1p