Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-09-11
PICKS BAD BOY AND EIs Pa.
The Deacon Will Bos accept Eennery's
Resigna ior, so BE Plays a Joke.

bows shadow came in the store, followed
by the boy, who looked sick and yellow
and tired, and he had lost half his flesh
| "What's the matter? Haven't got the
yellow fever have you?' and the grocery
0 man placed chair where the invalid could
Y fall into it,
"No. Cot the ager, said the boy, a:
! he wiped the perspiration off his upper lip,
: and looked around the store to see If there
was anything in sight that would take the
, taste of quinine out OF his mouth. Sc Had
too much dreamy life of ease on the farm,
} and been shaking ever since. Darn farm,
anyway"
" What, you haven't been to work for
the deacon any more, have you l thought
you sent in your resignation" and the
] grocery man offered the boy some lin.
burger cheese 20 strengthen him.
go. take that cheese away said the
boy as he turned pale AID gagged. " You
don't know what a sick person needs any
more than professional nurse What
want is to be petted. You see went out
to the farm with my chum, and | took my
fgh poles and remained in the woods while
ne drove the horse to the deacon's, and he
gave the deacon my resignation, and the
deacon wouldn't accept it. He said he
would hold my resignation until after har-
vess, and then act on it. He said ne could
put me in Jail for breach of promise, if
quit work and left him without giving
proper notice, and my chum came and told
me, and SO | concluded to go to work
rather than have any trouble, and the dea-
con said my chum could work few days
for his board if he wanted to. 1t was
pretty darn poor board for boy to work
for, but my chum wanted me to be with
him, so he stayed. Pa and ma came out
to the farm to stay day or two to help.
Pa was going to help harvest, and ma was
going to help the deacen's wife, but pa
wanted to carry the jug to the field, and
lay under tree while the rest of US worked,
and ma just talked the arm off the dea-
cons wife. The deacon and pa laid in the
shade and see my chum and me work, and
ma and the deacon's wife gossiped so they
forgot TO get dinner, and my chum and me
/ organized a strike, but we were beaten by
monopoly. Pa took me by the neck and
| thrashed out a shock of wheat with my
| heels, and the dea.oa took my chum and
sat down on him, and we begged and
they gave US our situations back
But we got even with them all
that night. l tell you, when boy
tries to be good, and quit playing jokes on
people, and then has everybody down on
him, and has mis- pa hire him out on
farm to work for deacon that hasn't got
any soul except when he Is in church, snd
boy has got to get up in the night to get
breakfast and go to work, and has to work
until late at night, and they kick because
he wants to put butter on his pancakes,
and feed him skim milk and rusty fat pork,
1t makes him tough, and he would play
joke on his aged grandmother. After my
chum and me had got all the chores done
that night, we sat out on fence back of
the house in the orchard, eating green ap.
pies IN the moonlight, and trying TO think
of plan of revenge. Just then l saw a
| skunk back of the house, right by the
outside cellar door, and told my chum
that it would serve them right to drive the
skunk down cellar and shut the door, but
my chum said that would be too mean. I
asked him if it would be any meaner than
for the deacon to snatch us bald. headed
because we wouldn't NOW hay away fast
enough for two men to pitch it, and he
said it wouldn't, and so we got on each
| side of the skunk and sort of scared it
down cellar, and then we crept Hp softly
and closed the cellar doors. Then we
went in the house and I whispered to ma
and asked her if she didn't think the dea-
con had soma cider, and ma she began to
hint that she hadn't had a good drink of
| cider since last winter, and the deacon's
wife said us boys could take pitcher and
60 down cellar and draw some. That was
too much. l didn't want sny cider, any
way, go I told them that I belonged
to temperance society, and
should break my pledge if 1
drawed cider, and she said l was a
good boy, and for me never to touch drop
of cider. Then she told my chum where
the cider barrel was, down cellar, but he
amt no slouch. He said he was afraid TO
90 down cellar in the dark, and SO pa said
he and the deacon would go down and
draw the cider, and the deacons wife asked
ma to go down, too, and look at the fruit
and berries she had canned for winter, and
they all went down cellar. Pa carried an
old tin lantern with holes in it to light the
deacon to the cider barrel, and the dea-
cons wife had taller candle to show ma
the canned fruit. l tried to get ma Lot
| to go, cause ma is a friend Of mine, and |
didn't want her to have anything to do
with the circus, but she said abe guessed
| she knew her business. When anybody
says that they guess they know their own
| business, that settles it with me, and l
! don't try to argue with them. Well, my
chum and me sat there in the kitchen, and
l stuffed piece of red table. cloth in my
mouth to keep from laughing, and my
chum held his nose with his finger and
| thumb so he wouldn't snort right out. We
could hear the cider run in the pitcher.
and then it stopped and the deacon drank
| out of the pitcher, and then pa did, and
| then they drawed some more cider, and
ma and the deacon's wife were talk
ing about how much sugar it took
| to can fruit, and the deacon told pa to
help himself out of a crock of fried cakes,
and l heard the cover on the crock
rattle, and just then l heard the old tin
lantern rattle on the brick floor Of the GEL
| lar +; she deacon said, 'Merciful goodness
pa saSa, Helen damnation, | am stabbed,
and ma yelled, Goodness sakes alive
and then there was lot Of dishpsns on
the stairs begun to fall, and they all tried
to get up cellar at once, and they fell over
each other, and o, my, what frowy smell
came up to the kitchen from the cellar. 1t
was enough to Kill anybody. Pa was the
first to get at the head of the stair, and he
stuck his head in the kitchen, and took q
long breath and said, Whoosh Hennery,
your pa is a mighty sick man. The dea.
con came up next, and he had run his head
into hanging-shelf and broke glass jar
of huckleberries, and they were all over
him, and he said, Give me air. Earth's
but desert drear.' Then ma and the
deacon's wife came up on a gallop and they
looked tired. Pa began to peel off his
coat and vest and said he was going ont to
bury them, and ma said he could bury her,
too, and l asked the deacon if he didn't
notice faint odor of sewer gas coming
from the cellar, and my chum said it
smelled more to him as though something
had crawled into the cellar and died.
Well, you never saw a sicker crowd, and
felt sorry for ma and the deacon, cause
their false teeth fell out, and knew ma
| conldn't possip and the deacon couldn't