davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23
, fUTaENT AND PERHAPS PITHY.

Against the grain. Widow wo-
man to chemist (who was weighing a
grain of calomel in dispensing pre-
scription for her sick child)-"Man,
ye medina be sac schrimpy wit It is
for a puir fatherless barir!"
I. may be set down as an axiom
that when person grows fat he
grows waistful.
An American and an Englishman
were discussing the relative size of
the Thames and the Mississippi.
The American finished the argument
thus:-"Why, sir there amt enough
water in the Thames to make gar
gle for the mouth Of the mouth of
the Mississipsi!''
"Vhat papers off my writing-desk
are you burning THEREOF cried an au-
thor to the servant. ooh, only the
papers what's all written over, sir
l hain't touched any of the clean,'
was the comforting reply.
A gentleman at theatre sits be-
hind lady who wears a very large
hat. ''Excuse me. madam; but un-
less you remove your hat can SEE
absolutely nothing.' Lady ignores
him. Excuse me, madam; but, I'M
less you remove your hat, something
unpleasant will happen. Lady ig-
nores him again. Gentleman put or
his own hat. Lnad cries from the
/ audience, Take off that hat! Take of
that hat! Lady thinks they mean hei
hat and removes it. Thank you
madam. ,.
"Please, ma'am is that me you'
drawing milking the cow in that
picture?" "Why. yes, my little mar
but didn't know you were looking
"Cez, if It's me-" continued the boy
unmindful of The artists confuss-
ion, "you've put me on the wrong
side of the COW, and I'll get kicked
way off the lot over the fence"
"Look here!p said he; 81 dell yor
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23

Samuel King. .......,....... 8 Sc
David K1bble Jr................." IS 10
J. L. Lilly. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. 153 IS
Gabriel Long .................. I6 81
VIM Lynch. ch.................... ...... 90
H. P. Mccullough. ............ 17>45
w. A. Mccullough. ........... 10 68
John McGee .............. -... 81
Isaac Miller. .................. "a IA
c. r. Mays. .................. S %
Asa Miller ...............-..... 20 II
A. G. Miller. r.................".... 2 o2
Wiley Norton. ..................... 29 72
Jsaac n NortOn........ .."....... 23 IS
Mrs. Howestill Norton. -..... 20 33
James Plunkett ...,............... 8 7S
]. H. Peterson. ................ 22
Henry Pertooz. z................. o8
w. /. Price, ..... 80 38
Alex Patterson. II IS
Mrs. N. C. Patterson, J. H. Pat
terson agent ............ ....... 3 IS
Samuel Observation-Disclosures. IS Is
James Robinson. .......... I3o "a
C. E. Rice. .,........ 80. E 72
M. Slefert. 8 60
IOhn SIefert. .......... ..-.....:.o 81
James M. Townson.. .......... 20 I2
Mrs Serana Fatem.. 4 81
Bradley Troxel ........ ........ 5 81
Lazarus Vanbeber......-.... o5 OF
James Vanmeter............. IS
Charles Witham ................. As o6
Oliver Wltham ....... .... 10 "a
Hiram Wood, Sr ................. 22 SO
Paulina Wood..... ........ 3 81
James NJ. Watson. 23 II
NJ. F. Watson. 28 81
H. F. Wood....................:......... SC
S. M. Wood. 81
Mrs. Melissa Wood...........,. s &c
Jasper Wood..........".........S 8 &C
J. H. WelCh...................... sc
o. H. Welch. ...........-.... 1o5
A. J. Zumwait. .............. 40 "A
L. S. Zumwalt ..-........... "A S.
Total ....~...... .$a1o7 &c
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23
THE ZODIAC.

Very few people know the signi-
fication of the various signs peculiar
to the title page ofthe almanac. and
some of them are not axactly clear to
US. In the first instance, the man
who stands in the centre with his
vest unbottoned in sucE manner as
to expose his alimenary canal, has
always been mystery to us. Why
in every almanac for the past century
this man, with his works exposed to
the cold night air should be given
the most prominent.place in litera-'
ry work like the almanac, we are
unable to- clearly understand. He
certainly can claim no great degree
of consideration for this act. 1t does
not entitle him any amount Of prom
inence, for the public do not thirst
|. for view Of man who has made
an autopsy of himself, and is appar-'
emily proud otit. When the planets
have to do with the cardiac orific
we do not at this moment know pos
itively, or why astronomy and the
gastric juice should have anything
in common.
Again we must come out and con-
fess our ignorance as to the bearing
that the ram or the tarantula, or the
twins, or the crab, or other astrono-
m;cal delirium tremens may have up
on the weather. OF course it is stu
pidty, and we oughtto be ashamed
of it, but we are in that fix and we
ca mot help it. When our sons ge'.
old enough to look into these things $
we will see that they aren't left t."
grope along through life and make
a mortal showof themself as their
fathers did.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23
IS PREPARED TO DO AtL KINDS OF WORK Wy:

vat it is, you potter don't dake no
stock in dem weader Predictions.
Dose people dou't know nodi' g.
They can't tell no peter as can"
"But, my dear sir" said a perso"
present ":hey foretoId the storm we
have Just encountered" "Vell- dat
isl TO-" replied the German, contem-
platively; "but I dell you vat it is
dat storm would have come Yust do
same if it had not breditced."
A lady had in her employ an ex-
celent girl who had one fault. Her
face was always in a smudge Mrs.
tried to tell her to wa h her toe with
out offending her; and at last she
resorted to strategy. "Do you
know Bridget" she remarked in a
confidential manner, "that if you
wash your face every day in hot,
soapy water, it will make you beau
tiful?" "Will i,?" answered the witty
Bridget. "Sure, it is wonder ye
niver tried it, ma'am.
A new rival brass band was hired
to play at the funeral of Connect
cut deacon. They were playing a
>low and solemn lirge at the grave
when suddenly the trombone man
shot out a blast that started the
hearse horses and brokcsup the whole
procession. The leader, turning up
| on him fiercely, asked what he was
doing that for. lie answered, with a
sln@i 6: "Wall, thought 1t was note
and 1t want nothing but a hoss fly;
but [ played it,"
| The 14rkvasdao Traveller tells of IL
S.. Louis man whose feet were SO
large that when he undertook to use
the torks-of county road tor boot
jack he split the road wide open and
spoiled the entire geography of the
neighborhood.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23
SUGAR CANE.

Minnesota farmers are cultivating
sugar cane with great assidulty.
Those who raieed crops say they
make more money in that way tha's
in any other kind of farming, and j.
is believed by many experimenter
that the industry will prove evela
more lucrative than in tie Soutl-
The seed grown from Northern CAM
IS also valuable. For feeding ami
mails it is esteemed as good as corn,
and it is better adapted for the man
ufacture Of guclose. 1t is stated tha.t
there is no such compensating re-
turns from the productions of tie
Southern cane. Steps are beln:.
taken towards the erection of lar"'.
sugar factories in several of line
Western States, with some OF which
will be connected works for the mt 2
ufacture of glucose. Some enshu-
siastic Northern eane-growers pre-
dict that we will soon be able -
produce enough sugar TO supply o':''
people, who now pay $lo0,o00,000 ;.
year for that staple to foreign Da-
tions.-Ex.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23

day, until he places his distracted
head upon his pillow at night for
a short, distracted repose, his stolen
slumbers even being haunted by Wis
ions of his vigilant pnrsuers. When
he starts for the Capitol he is tugged.
pulled, button -holed and talked at
until constrained to break away by
force and take horse-car or carriage
AS his case may be. When he arrives
at the Capitol he has to run another
gauntlet before he -, can reach the
cloak-room. Once upon the floor,
he finds half a dozen of the privi-
legged class, the ex-congressman, wait
ing to make other impossible request.
Every few minutes he is handed a
card from some influential person
from his own state, (perhaps his next
door neighbor when at home), for
whom he has the highest regard
and who cannot, with politeness and
safety to his political existence, be
denied the "few words" that invaria-
bly, lengthen into an interview of
fifteen or twenty minutes. He tries
to glance at his letters on his desk.
but his fellow members surround
him and ask his assistance in further
ing their projects, for each is in turn
assailed III the same way. He is
forced to listen over and over again
to the same questions, requests and
inquiries as to the probable result OF
the cherished scheme, until his once
active brain is added and his clear
understanding muddled. Truly, the
last days Of the Congressman arc
hard.
Washington will undergo.a a great
change in it general crowd and as
pect between the fourth tnd fifth
days Of March. Many of the Sena--
tors and Representatives will leave
the city with their families on Sun
day, having secured seats and berths
on the train for that day. Politica
life in Washington is said to exer-
else a most demoralizing influence
upon the averaged Congressman by
destroying re!lsb for, and adoption te
private life forever afterwards
More than half of the present Con-
gress will soou have chance to test
the truth of this, and mediate over
the ephemeral character of political
influence. The city now so abounds
in greatness, that you rub against
it at all public places, jostle in Oh
the street corners, confront it on the
Avenue, see it everywhere; bu!
much of it is on the point of vanish
ing, to return TO its original insight
fiance, and will leave no trace OIL
footprint here.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23
WASHINGTON LETTER.
(From cur regular correspondent.)
Washington, March 8, 1ss

Washington, March 8, 1883.
The Capitol is, by far, the most
popular resort in Washington this
week, and the evening session of
Congress are the most attractive to
visitors, for then the galleries are
packed with strangers accompanied
by their city friends. The house
draws the largest crowds. Bun
combe and parrot speeches are the
rule. which, with monkey gesticnia-
tions, make so good show that the
spectators get the worth of their
money, since the seats are free.
They enter heartily into the spirit of
the turbulance below, which has
reached its climax this week, in a
perfect uproar of noisy, stormy,
wholly unintelliglble discussion. At
times, nearly every member will be
on his feet, and two dozen of them
addressing the chair at the same
time, amid cheers, applause and
laughter, which render not only their
own words, bu: the utterance of the
chair lnaudible. Of course the chair.
man refuses to recognize anyone un-
till they can come to order, but nc
RECOGNITION is asked for or desired.
But, in spite of all this .un and fury
these last days of The forty seventh
Congress will never be remembered
by the soon dsparting members with
unmixed pleasure. Home, rest and
relaxation will doubtless { for a time
at least) be boon to all of them,
for their souls are being sorely tried
now by train OF grievance follow
ing close upon their heels and dog
ging every step, in the shape of tlon
sands of constituents just arrived ir
the city, aided by thousands Of 9th
ers already hero, and all wanting &
thousand little matters attended to
befofe Congress adjourns. These
pilgrims are from every section O
the United States, from Maine tt
Texas, from Florida to California
each has his pet project. 1t may b.
the passage of little bill, or the OBJ
tainment of a little Office, but no mat
ter how small to the rest of the worlt
it is a life and death scheme 10 hin
and at this high pressure stage O
the session he asks his congressman
to run it through at once. Ever,
Senator and Member is ransackir.
his brain for invention to elude thi
ubiquitous mob, which in turn i
manoeuvring how TO intercept hin
on his way from his bedroom to Iii
breakfast table, and at each success
i've movement he makes during tn
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23

valley in the direction OF Dallas In
Polk county. This road forks near
the upper end of the valley, the more
eastern fork passes over the divide and
Joins the Corvallis road near what is
known as the Wrenn bridge OH Mary's
river, the other fork joins the same
road at the east end of Blodget's Val
ley, in the direction of the bay.
Another road leads from the lower
end of the valley over the divide in an
easterly direction towards the William
cite Valley. From near the Wrenn
bridge there are two roads to Cor
7allis, one over what is known as the
Keys hill past Philomath, the other
over the Cardwell hill.
There is one post Office. known as
Kings Valley, supplied twice week
each way by the rout from Dallas to
Alsea via Philomath. All the south
ern portion of the precinct depend
upon Philomath for mail supplies.
There are two school districts in
Kings valley, one near the Wrenn
place and one in Blodgets valley at
all of which good schools are kept.
The Evangelical church has an organ
ization, and very neat church build
ing in Kings valley, where regular
service is kept up. Cattle raising
formerly attracted great deal of at
tention, and some of the early settlers
manifested commendable zeal in in
Producing improved breeds. Nahm
King who settled in the valley in the
spring of 1916, brought number Of
short horn cows, having had a very
fine bull killed by the Indians On the
plains, and the late James Watson
who settled year latter brought with
him a number Of Short horn COWS.
Our present Sheriff Sol King, and
Moses Wright imported % head of
Short horn cattle in 1859. These
were amongst the earliest introduc-
tions Of improved cattle into the state,
and certainly no finer have been
brought by any one These importa-
tions, though not profitable to these
individuals have been of incalculable
benefit to cattle raisers throughout the
country, and scarcely herd of cattle
can be found within miles where the
impress of this improved blood can
not be found. We scarcely know
what We owe TO such public spirited
men. Nahm King with his sons
Isaac, Stephen, and Solomon, and son
in-law Rowland Chambers, crossed the
plains in 1s45. and about the 1st of
April 1916 settled in this. valley fol-
lowed later in the same season by
Lazarus Nanhebber and the year fol-
lowing by James Watson, Charles
Allen and others. In the fall of 1857
VIM. Pitman commenced the first saw
mill in the valley, ON the site of what
is known as the France and Connor
mill In 1854 Rowland Chambers
put up his Touring mill. These have
laid the foundation of peaceable and
prosperous population of about 100
The following contains list of the
names ofpersons paying tax upon pro-
perty in Kings Valley precinct and
the amount of tax paid by each as,
shown by the last assessment roll of
Benton County.
The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-03-23
ORIGIN OF TIE ROSE.

In its green pastures sporting,
A lamb in needless gfee
Tore from a thorny twiG
Its fresh green drapery.
The twig in its sharp fingers,
Snatched from the tender eve
A little tuft OF fleece
To clothe ITSELF anew.
A nightingale came seeking
Soft things to line her nest,
And through his snowy fleece
Was prettiest and best.
"Oh. give to me the fleece,
To line my nest, said she,
"And when I've finished it
I'll sing my thanks to thee.
1t gave; the nest was finished;
And as the sweet bird sang,
Out Of the bush for JOY
Tie lovely rosebud sprang.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-03
THE NORMAL,

The Normal Institute closes to-day
1t has been one of the most successful
ever held in the county. The attend,
ance has been, as far as We have been
able to learn, the largest of any in the
State-the total number enrolled be-
ing 1S5. Thirty-eight of these have
been neither absent nor tsrdy during
the entire session-which is also, by
comparison with other Normals, a re-
markably good showing. The defects
of the other students in these respects,
have been very slight indeed.
The department and attention to
business have been admirable. Supt.
Henderson expresses himself as par
ticularly gratified on that score. Prof.
Oiin has well sustained his reputation
for lively, thorough, and effective
work. He will receive q warm well
come az one OF the teachers of the
county, and in taking charge of the
lola schools will have the support and
good will not only of his own corps of
teachers, but of every teacher in the
county.
Prof Adams has also done faithful
and good work. He is a thorough
scholar, and knows what he is talk
ing about. Mr.. A. C. Scott has had
charge of the music and reading, and
Supt. Henderson has taken a few
classes to relieve the pressure on the
other instructors.
Altogether we think we are not
mistaken in saying that Superintend-
ent, teachers, and students unite in
pronouncing the Normal of 1888 a
grand success.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-03
ANNOUNCEMENTS.

Mr.. H. D. Dickson, of Neosho Falls
and Mr.. ]. w. Sutherland. of Neodesha
announce themselves this week, as
candidates for judge Of this district.
The former is an Independent candi-
date, while the latter will go before
the Republican Judicial convention.
We have never met Mr.. Dickson per-
sonally, and know nothing Of his
abilities and fitness for the position.
1t is generally understood that he is
running as the Democratic candidate,
and his friends feel confident that he
can carry the full strength of his party.
We have the pleasure of 8 personal
acquaintance with Mr.. Sutherland,
and have been quite favorably inn
pressed with him. He will have
strong backing in the convention, and
if nominated will make a candidate
that the Republicans need no: be
ashamed of.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-03
NOTES FROM AN OLD NEIGHBOR
P.O SIX MILE, IND,
To- =

\
i JULY 80, 1888.
1 Dear Register: AS many of ny
friends in Allen county, desired me t.
write to them when I got home,
thought few words In the REGISTER
from me, might reach the most o
them as believe your valuable papel
goes into almost every household.
left lola Tuesday the oath inst, arriv
ed at Yates Center the same day
Stayed over night with Lloyd w. Dan
iels an old messmate Of mine, OF Go. E
9th K. V. c., also visited Geo. E. Fa-
Ter, formerly q soldier in Co. F. 9th
X. c., now editor Of the Yates Cen
ter News which is lively wide-awake
sheet. 1 left Yates Center for home
1:30 p. m. July 25th, via Fort Scott.
st. Louis and vincennes, arrived at
home sic p. m. July 20, making the
trip Of $40 miles in 2s4 hours. Found
all well, was tired and dusty, but feel
that 1 have been well paid for my visit
1 shall not be able in this short letter
to give an extended history Of what I
saw while was gone, but will give a
few random thoughts as they occur to
mind.
As an old resident of Allen county
and having been away from there over
six years, I noted great improvement
in both town and country, showing
more enterprise than 1 could discover
anywhere between here and there. /
also noticed that the crops looked more
promising in Kansas than Indiana,
Illinois or Missouri, with the except
ion of fruit. Our fruit crop here is
black berries are very plen-
teous and worth four cents per quart.
Health is good here. Weather dry, al
though corn is not suffering much yet,
but will unless it rains soon. Another
thing I noticed was that although
Kansas is comparatively young yet her
farmers are generally taking more
pains to improve their stock, than
much older states. 1 saw more thorough
bred stock while there than have seen
In the same amount of territory any,
where. shall have to note also that
the REGISTER ia keeping pace with
the thrift / noticed surrounding it, and
it's weekly visits are hailed with much
satisfaction with US. If this meets
your approval perhaps 1 shall write
again in the near future. Success to |
you. JOHN VAN RIPPER.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-03
THE IuDoEsHIP.

Among political topics, the judgeshiI
is exciting considerable interest, and a
great deal of discussion has arisen as to
who would best fill the position. Sew
eral prominent and able members OF
the bar have already been recognized
as candidates, while several more are
regarded as prominent dark horses.
Among these latter the one who
would probably find the most support
ers, is Mr.. Fl. d. Smith, now editor of
the Humboldt Inter State. We were
talking last week with a prominent
politician from that part Of the county
and he told US that there was undoubt-
edly q growing sentiment i'm Mr..
Smiths favor and little active work
on his part would surely bring him a
strong support. On looking the mat
ter over, we are free to say that we
would like to see Mr.. Smith enter the
race. True, he has not always treated
US with the courtesy and fairness that
we could have wished, but we have not
a malignent nature and are entirely
willing to overlook personal prejudices
for the good Of the District. Mr.Smith's
wide knowledge Of the law, his well |
known freedom from prejudice,
MS calm judicial mind, in short his
many, varied and peculiar attainments
would certainly make him a marked
nan upon the bench. He would draw
strength from all parties, for within a
Tear he has testified in the strongest
his adherence to each of
hem. By all means, let Smith come
ut.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-03

Hon. 5. j. Stewart and II. A. Bar
Der were up last Saturday to attend
the meeting of the Executive Com
mittee Of the Allen county Law En-
forcement society.
The following is the programme fol
August according to Vennor: Thu
first week of the month is likely t.
give heat and some severe local storms
where these were experienced last
year. Hail should be guarded against
in western sections. I think the fore
portion of the month will be char
acterized by widespread heat. First
change to cooler weather after the 10th,
when very decided relapse to cool
weather may take place, with even
snowfalls in mountainous regions.
The annual school meeting will be
held at the school house next Thurs
day afternoon at o'clock. A director
will be elected, and other matters of
Importance will come up. We have
the possibility of having excellent
schools during the coming year, and 1t
is in the power of this meeting either
to thwart or realize that possibility.
Let us economize in every other direc-
ton before we begin on the schools.
1t most emphaticslly pays to get the
best both in instructors and accom-
moda tons; and as matter of policy a
town cannot have better recommen-
dation than that of well and literally
sustained schools.
Prof. w. H. Carruth and wife came
down from Lawrence last Saturday |
and have spent the week in town as
guests of Miss Nettie Scott. The Pro-
lessor spent Monday and Tuesday in
aud Eldorsdo holding entrance
to the University, and
returned on Wednesday to deliver his
ecture before the Normal students.
We would like to give q synopsis of
he lecture but it is impossible this
NeSh- we Ouls "Ish tiot SNSiy 'SoSh
# i'm the state might hear it. A uuan-
nous vote of thanks was rendered the
peaker by the audience, at the close
f the address. The Professor and his
wife start home tomorrow.
The Executive Committee elected by
he recent temperance convention at
his place, met at the court house last
saturday, to act upon the report of the
Committee on Constitution. The
was adopted, which will
re printed and copies sent to the town
hip independents, for the purpose
f getting signers and forming local
examinations. The constitution adopt
d provides that the organization shall !
e known as the "Allen County Soci-
ty for the Enforcement of Law" and G
: purpose is stated as follows: "The |
beet of this organization shall be to
scUre concentration of effort in OBJ {
lining the enforcement Of all laws c
pom the statute books of our State.n 4
A good citizen told Us that all that
auds between him and contentment
18th Kansas and Allen county, is the "
eaeue business. A good many good
tizens feel about the same way.