The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-03-14
WAITS AND wHIMs.

IHH Rome Sentinet says tnnt an niu-
gator laughs when it heirs that beauty
is only skin deep.
HINTS t. housekeepers-When your
favorite cats become too prolific you must
pool their issues"
FAITH moves mountains, but it takes
couple of express wagons to move fash
ionable woman's baggage.
The grand and awful difference be-
tween tree and bore is-the tree
leaves in the spring, and the bore-why.
he never leaves.
The two urchins who played "escap-
ing from the wreck" by using their
mothers holiday dough-trough for life
boat, were lashed together.
A MAN in Baltimore has the wooden
shutter Of the room occupied by Mary
Phillipse, who gave George Washington
the mitten. Cupid's blind.
The bible tells us not to put our trust
in riches, and great many men don't at
the present day. Their total lack Of
riches explains why.
A MINNESOTA farmer who has five
grown-up daughters, hassued the county
on O claim that his residence has been
used as courtroom" for the past two
years.
A HADpENFrELD (Cape May sign
reads: "Is cream salon cakes prettzells
and canddy and cigars oisters and lodg-
ing and horses wattered constantly on
hand.
IT has been said that poverty treads
upon the heels Of great and unexpected
riches; but then newspaper man never
has corns on his heels, and he can
stand it.
PpopRRToR-" you boys don't
clear out I'll call that officer and have
you taken in" Boy-"Thats where
you'd be taken in; that policeman's my
dad, he is"
The church is the pew rest place on
earth. -Steubenvilie Herald. And one
can tell how good the men are by the
number Of hymns found there. -Cincin-
nati Gazette.
SOMEBODY wants to know why We do
not go to Europe. Well, the fact is il
the rest of Europe resembles the part
that has come over here, we've seen
enough Of it.-Bwlington Ha,0keye.
He talked love to her, and dove to her,
| And tried TO squeeze her hand,
While she sat up and .yessed' and "noed,"
| And yawned behind her fan
because she had sat up the night before.
With fellow she had an awful fondness for. }
--SteubenpiiLe Herald.
The following advertisement appeared
lately in an Irish newspaper: "Ihis is
to notify Patrick OFlaherty, who lately
left his lodgings, if he does not return
soon and pay for the same he shall be I'D
vertised."
"WELL, il ever saw the like" re
marked Mr.. Whiskyskin, as he moppe,
the perspiration from his brow. "
don't see where all this water comes from
, that oozes through my pores. l haven
tasted the stuff for ten years"
, WHAT a pity that = big heart is s
= often compelled to keep company with
{ small incOme?-N Y NeWs. Rather
what pity that a big income is 80 oftel
compelled to keep company with SINAI
r heart.
"Do not know commas when you So
( them?" said the village school teache
: to the book-keeper Of banking house
whose education had been neglected
"What are these ., &, " on your gro
GERS bill?" Beers" said he.
POLICE court scene--Judge to m un
prepossessing tramp: "What are you
means of living?" 81 am an inventor.
: "Ah. indeed. And what have you in
!, vented?" "Nothing as yet; but I OIL
. on the lookout"
Mrs. DoMEsrIcrrY calls at the kitchs
:. furnishing store. "Have you Cook
stewers?" she asks. The dealer is dunn
founded till he is shown an advertis
ment of Cooks Tours" when he
rected her to the nearest railroad offic
o Ten residents Of Waverly, wi
: wouldn't do days work for anything
| recently hauled over twenty cords I
wood to get q red squirrel that WASH
, there. Then they crack ed Q commant
ment -Opego Record.
! WHY is it that whisky straight wi
| make o man walk crooked ?-Bost0i
} Gtobe. Why is it? Why, it is becaus
yon drink it. Did you never think Q
, that? You leave the whisky in the jug
l and it will not make you walk crooked.
n DoN'r blame the rooster for braggin
= over every egg that is laid in the famil
n Only human nature, nothing more. Y
III remember that when that bouncing b
II arrived at your house it wasn't
mother who went about doing the Gre
us ing.
eu AN Indian came to an agent in
ny northern part Of Iowa to procure &C
us whisky fol- a younger brother, who
~, said had been bitten by rattlesnf
inc "Four quarts |" repeated the agent, y
uh- surprise; "much Is that" "Y,
+, replied the Indian, "fouH quarts; 81
IL very big"