National Republican., 1883-08-18

And recined on her lsraelite nose.
---------------- S
Miss ELLA GREEN gets 1900 salary as
commercial traveller for a st. Louis jobbns house.
LADY applied at country postotlice for
her mail, and was handed postal card with the
| remark, 'lf you can make any sense out Of 1t you
can do more than can"
ACCORDING to Progress, druggists could make
II pay by selling ice-water for five cents glass.
Undoubtedly They could also make 1t pay by
selling almanacs at 81 piece
LINEN may be bleached by electricity"
The man with dirty shirt, then has only to con-
meet himself with telegraph wire and he may
laugh at laundries.- Courier-Journal
CALIFORNIA vineyards arc being devasted
by n new style double action, non-reversble
beetle. 1t is black, hard sheled, nearly an inch
long aud gets in its work at night only
BECAUSE Virginia man dropped dead just
as lie going to swear his tax list was correct.
the Mcrchum TrdvtIer says 1t seems as If man
should learn little from the Bible story of
Ananias.
'PA, when do rogues fall outP" "Why,I
| don't know, my son." "Pa, they always fall out
at night" "At nlght2 How do you know that?''
Because, pa, when rogues fall out, honest men
get their dews"
Mr.. MATTHEW ARNOLD is said to have a
OuIlOueiy uukpiIlluhl lOOh. Inc Utht Ulle you
run across Mr. Arnold just notice him closely and
you will get an idea of what cautiously un-
spiritual look" is like.
A SYRACUSE wager has proved that nine
out of ten men lean on the bar when they order
drinks. Statistics rs to what proportion Of these
subsequently lean against lamp post are now in
order. suggests topper.
A KENTUCKY philologist says that regret-
table is aword which ought not to be used on
every OCCASION Chewing pounded ice or riding
| over street where new broken stone has been
dropped sounds just as WELL
AN Indiana poet has written some verses
ON the opulence of his poverty. What worries
most OF us at the present time is the poverty of our
opulence 1t is too sad thing to write verses
about-NetO York Commercial.
COURTNEY has at last concluded to cross
oars with Hanlan. The race may prove a failure.
however, as great many saw fish have been seen
on this side of the water during the past few
weeks.--New York Commercial.
MIR. JAY GOULD was compelled to give up
his trip around the world of the strike.
For this reason we cannot conscientiousy sympa-
thize with the strikers. Think of 1t, ne was to
have been gone over two yearsl
THE New York Star thinks Dakota will
have population enough for first class state by
the time the country has n democratic president.
This is a very reasonable proposition, but it mus
be rather discouraging to Dakota.
PHILADELPHIA girls are learning to play
base ball. The married man of the Hartford Posi-
believes they had better wait until they have
mastered the art of biscuit baking before they at
tempt the higher accomplishments.
PREPARATIONS are making for agricultural
fairs all over the country. The tracks will be
fne this year, and the side shows will be snider
than ever. Secure your diplomas before they are
| all given aWay,--NeD York IOnmefcidL
1T is stated that "when the king of Kaffa
rides out he is covered from head to foot with q
great sack, and four men hold him on his horse,
The hat of the king of Kaffa must hold about q
thousand bricks.-New York Commercial.
IT is difficult to imagine that the loving
, young couple who are to be married in Septem-
ber, us you see them billing and cooling now in
less than years time will be quarreling over a
name for their first baby.-LoiUey Chi=en
The Cincinnati Enquirer says that "Judge
Hoadly's nomination cost him $3.50" And
Bonanza Flood is to build a residence in San
Francisco at an expense of S5,OOO,OOO. The tend
. ency of the times is toward gross extravaganza.
THE Boston Globe wants to know how many
of its subscribers Can arrange ten digits so that
they will foot up 100. We are not subscriber
but giving the bartender 'the finger" ten times
would be arranging ten dIgits that would foot up
100-cents.
Boston scientist is trying to invent a
machine for storing the force OF the wind. A
Philadelphia paper thoughtfully remarks that it
is pity that he did not get 1t done in time to at
tach IL to the extra session of the Pennsylvania
legislature.
o SCOTLAND is the proud possessor of great
Q bridge over the Forth. If'they could build a
2 bridge over the Fourth in this country what q
popular highway it would be for old ladies and
nervous folks who hate powder and noise.-Pas-
burg 1elegrGph
WHEN you get pretty we'll up on the White
: mountains 1t is said you often see rain storm
below you. The youth of the Yonkers Statesman is
under the impression that it must be decidedly
Q healthy place, because man doesn't feel under
the weather" there.
II The New London Day wants the Sunday
y day law enforced until every saloon in New Lon
j. don is Theoretically sealed on Sunday" Does the
Day wish 10 add a can opener to the pocket kit of
It the early Sunday morning searcher for eye OPEN
o ers?-Hdrtford Post.
y THE beautiful Miss Berry, to whom Wal
- pole lost his heart more than 100 years ago. and
who refused many offers of marriage, lived to the
n age of 90, and finally died an old maid Cut this
l. out and show it to your girl before popping the
: question: Philadelphia NetVs.
~ A PATIENT who was suffering from severe
illness advised by his physician to take some-
d thing" So he took dose of medicine Most
u people under such circumstances would have
~ taken watch, or something like that, but this
7, man was too sick to be funny.
+ CANADA is to have q standing army of ], $50
men by enarging her two field batteries, forming
y three infantry companies, mounting a troop OF
= cavalry, and increasing the mounted police of the
y northwest. OF 10000 men supposed to compose
" the militia onc-fourth are presentable on parade
The Canadians seem to be getting scared says the
m Sagi nav (Mich) Courier.
AT recent sewing bee in Ames, Iowa,
meats were served upon platter that was formerly
the property Of General Hull, who surrendered the
D. post Of Detroit TO the British and Indians in 1873
was court martialed therefor and ordered to be
r. shot, but ives pardoned by the president because
3 of gallant service during the revolutionary war
The platter was purchased by Mrs. Hitchcock'A
y mother amer the generals death.
THE following comes from the pleasing
columns of the Boston journal: Joinnys parents
- - are puzzling themselves whether that youth Ii
a likely to urn out spendthnft or person of in
W. tensely economical habits, shrewd politician OF
OF rogue, and all because of little incident tina
rs happened while the family were recently spend
Id ing season of recreation in the country. The
other night thew sat down TO tea usual