, 1883-06-28
PLEASAET,RIES.

A RIVER is always down in the mouth.
A C1DER-PREss is sappiest when it Is
at work.
IT is no use to attempt TO put on style
unless you have good gait.
The real issue at stake in all Govern
ments is the issue of bonds.
Il AM dressed to kill, as the recruit
said when he had donned his uniform.
IF Prometheus had been up to snuff
he would have used liver pad and
fooled the vulture.
"DoEs it pay to keep chickens ?"
asks a correspondent. OF course not,
you lunatic; it pays to sell 'em.
WHY may tipsy man fall into the
river with impunity? Because he won't
drown as long as his head swims.
PRESIDENT ARTHUR was one, a school
master. Some of the officeholders are
anxious TO know whether they are to be
"kept in"
"RECHEs have wings, and they need
them to keep up with the man who has
started daily paper to FL a long-felt
want. And without their wings he gem
orally gets clear out Of sight OF them.
4 NEwLY-MARRIED couple, riding in a
carriage, were overturned, whereupon a
standerby said il WAS "a shocking
sight" "Yes," said the gentleman,
to see those Just welded faiI out SO
SOON"
st the medical examination Glow
should you detect prussic acid among
other substances?" by breathing it."
answers the candidate. "If died i'm
meGlately, should know prussic acid
WAS present"
Eve wasn't unhappy in the Garden OF
Eden because she had nothing to wear,
"because," she said, whats the good
of nice clothes, when there are 10 9TH
er women to envy you?" That's what
called Eve.
TIE gentleman who came to this
Office TO talk on the necessity of reform
and absent-mindedly carried OF black
silk umbrella, in mistake for blue
gingham one, viii please call and correct
The error.-PAiludctphia Nc,cs.
\ HUSBAND advertises thus: my wife,
Maria, HIS strayrd or been stolen. Who
ever returns her will get his head broke.
As to trusting her, anybody can do so if
they 4co fit; for, ;s never pay my own
debts, its Lot likely I'll pay hcr'n."
DIcKY had been silent during his
Thanksgiving dinner, but finally he
rested his :at elbows on the table, with
knife and fork upright in either hand,
and gave Il gr'at sigh and said, &" I wish
turkeys could be made douLle-bro.sted. "
"AH," said AN Englishnan tie other
lay, Il belong 20 :. country upon wl,icn
the sun never sets" And !" said :.
Yankee, ''bclong to u country of which
there can be 10 correct map-it grows
so fast TINT surveyors csI.'t Keep up
with it."
X. WITH his wife and Il friend, Is
seated on the beach, when Il passing
Gentleman bows to the friend. THAT
x Monsieur r., he says, "the eminent
,ivorce lawyer, who has never lost Il
case." "Ah! !" cried y. and his wife in
he same breath, present US !"
"WHo did the churning last week ?"
sS'-cd Farmer Fouroclock. 81 did"
said Bill. ''Thcn do it again this week."
aid the old man; lone good cl.urn de-
serves another" Covert expressions of
ioy by al Bills brothers and sisters.-
Car'ingtoI, Nttirk-Eyc.
"AH," my s'n, this is commencement
week, Is II" remarked q kind Parent.
"You gra,iuntr, go You not? Do You
get s degree" Yes, sir, L think so;
TWO or three dearees-hclow I 10" was
ne enforced confession. Good cay"
vas the lacouic RESPONSE
II SEE" said young IaIy, "tI,at
orle booksellers advertise LIauk dec
arations FOR SAL. l wish I could got
ne" "Why ?" asked her mother.
because Nj. q. is ton nl,,!r,t To ark
ne t" marry him; md, pcrnays, if 1
'nl3 til up Ih. hsuN declaration with
+ lie qut~t''- l's- ~.,tsiri ~iru -"
3