The Florida agriculturist., 1883-02-07

the polonaise, like drowning man
grabs at straws, though there wasn't
any straw in her polonaise as l know
Of; SO pa just pulled her along as
though she was done up in a shawl
strap, and his feet went out from I'M
der him and he stuck on his should.
ers, and kept going, with the girl
dragging along like a bundle OF
clothes. If pa had had another pair
of roller skates on his shoulders, and
castors on his ears, he couldn't have
slid along any better. Pa is short
big man, and as he was rolling along
on his back, he looked like a sofa
with castors on being pushed across
a room by a girl. Finally, pa came
to the wall and had to stop, and the
girl fell across him, with her lollerl
skates in his neck, and she called him
an old brute, and told him if he didn't
let go of her polonaise she would mur.
der him. just then me and my chum
got there and we amputated pa from
the girl, and lifted her up, and | told
him for heavens sake to let US take
off the skates, cause he couldn't skate
any more than a COW, and pa was
mad and said for us to let him alone
and he would skate all right, and we
let go and he struck out again. Well,
sir, / was ashamed. An old man like
pa ought to know better than to try
to be boy. This last time pa said
he was going to spread himself, and
if am any Judge Of big spread, he
did spread himself. Somehow the
skates got turned around on his feet,
and his feet got to going in different
directions, and pas feet were getting
so far apart that / was afraid l would
have two pas, halt the size with one
leg apiece. tried to get him to take
up collection of his legs, and get
them in the same ward, but his arms
flew around and one hit me on the
nose, and I thought if he wanted to
strike the best friend he had, he could
run his legs himself. When he began
to separate | could hear the bones
crack, but maybe it was his pants,
but anyway he come down on the
floor like one of these fellows in a cir
Gus, who spreads himself, and he
kept going, and finally he surrounded
an iron post with his legs, and stop
ped, and he looked pale, and the pro-
.nrietag of the rink tQld1pa if he.
-
he would 70 the gymnas;-
um, and Re couldn't skate on his
shoulders any more, cause other
skaters were afraid of him. Then
pa said he would kick the liver out
OF the proprietor of the rink. and he
got up and steadied himself; then he
tried to kick the man, but both heals
went up to wonot, and pa turned a
back somersault and struck right on
his vest in front. l guess it knocked
the breath out of him, for he didn't
speak for few minutes aud then he
wanted to 60 home, and We put him
in street car, and he laid down on
the hay and rode home. Oh. the
work we had to get pas clothes off.
He had cricks in his back and every.
where, and ma was away to one of
the neighbors, to look at the presents
and had to put liniment on pa, and
l made a mistake and got a bottle of
furniture polish, and put it on pa,
and rubbed it in, and when ma came
home, pa smelled like coffin at
charity fuueral and ma SAID there
was no way OF getting that varnlsh
off OF pa till it wore off. Pa says
holidays are a condemned nuisance
any way. lie will have to stay in
the house all this week"
"You are pretty rough on the old
man." said: the grocery man, latter
he has been so kind to you, and
given You nice presents"
mice presents nuthin. All got
was Come to Jesus Christmas
Card, with brindle fringe, from ma,
and pa gave me a pair of his old sus.
penders and calender with notices
TOR every month, some quotations
from Scripture, such as honor thy
father aud thy mother, and evil
communications corrupt two in the
BUSH and a bird in the hand beats
two pair Such things don't help a
boy to be good. What boy wants
is club skates, and seven -shot revol-
vers and such things. Well must
go aud help pa roll over in bed, aud
put on a new porous plaster. Good
bye"