The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-09-27
The SQuatter at Church.


The other day an old squattar came to
to the city and attended divine services
in fashionable church. He sat uneasily
on the cushion. and when the organ be-
gan to rumble his hair began to stand on
ends. Turning to man who sat near
him be asked:
"What sort of an artickle do you call
that?"
"That's the fatted calf bawling," the
man replied.
Thought they'd killed him ter feed
the projtikin' son on"
eyes, they killed ono, but they've
raised another"
The deep tones of the organ roared
like storm behind the scene, and the
squatter, with wink in his dry old eye,
said:
Must be PAWN the groun' now. Hes
mad as hornet. Sortsr lettin' up-now
he's down ON it agin. Now they're
twistin' his tail. lingo! how he filings
his head up in the air. Now they'r
givin' him the rope. Let him swing
hold him."
The choir burst forth in q melodious
air, and the old fellow sat for . moment
III bcoWluk uVlIutlOAS ouO tuEuluk
again to his newly formed acquaintance,
he said:
pretty good singin'. but sorter SLOW.
They don't seem to get down to the
work. Now look at that bald headed
Teller. Hes dodgin pints right along,
and that other Teller with them whiskers
like goat can't keep up with the outfit.
while that gal thar is leavin' al o them.
Wouldn't ketch anybody lesvin' Nick
Muggles, fellow what sings in our
church. Why. put him up thar with
that turn out and he'd 60 on an transack
his business an get through an be ready
fur all sorts OF fun fore that bald Teller
and his crowd got nowhar on the road
Nick is what call singer and er fidler.
He can knock the everlastin' spots often
it. Why, he can make fiddle call hogs
and talk like ten year old boy; an or
bango huh. He can make it cluf 90 plain
Chat the horses in thAow' Shosh rs @|I
start of. Wish he W as hsYs
to-day. Look how that bald-headed fol.
ler's slackia' up, will yer? Ell was him
I'd quit. Now he's sorter pesrtenin' up.
Look at the gal climbin', will you; and
jing. see the goat-whiskersd fellow pitch
after her. Hanged If he amt making it
lively for her. He'd 'er catch her Their
Of she hsdenter lodged. Dinged il he
Amt got her now. Now he's got BY her.
There he goes like skesred rabbit.
The gals droppin' back now. and 10
goin' along with the bald-headed Teller.
Hello, look at that fat man putin along.
Look at him climb, will yer? The gals
gittin' uneasy agin. Look at her prance.
There she goes after the goat.whiskered
Teller. There they all go, bookety,
bookety. Now they're all together. See
'em walk along. Helloa, they've
stopped"
The old fellow listened with rapt at.
tention to the sermon, occasionally nod.
ding in approval, or shaking his head in
tribution box approached. the squatter
askel:
"Whats. upr"
I'VE are taking up collection for the
heather. and - you seemed to be SO
much interested in the sermon, didn't
know but You would like to give q few
Dimes"
"Whats the matter with the heathen?
"Wby, he Decent know anything
about the gospel. and We want to raise
money enough to send it to him."
"Wsll. I tell yer. don't think he'll
spile sfore mornin'. I've got . horse
swap on han, an Of ken git 'nuf boot,
come round an we'll sorter look into the
matter"
"But. my friend. the heather children
need Clothes"
$50 does mine, by lingo. Bill amt
worn nuthin' but shirt for six months
and hast to stay outen periite s'ciety
Iks's got . vacancy in his britches
biRgern yer hat. an Jack hsster stay
under the house when q stranger osmes,
cause he got his clothes scorched durin
hog KILN. Come aroun' after the
swap, fur I don't think the heather will
spile fere mornin'. "-Arkansaw Gazette