Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-02-14
PLEASANTRIES,

loveliest spot on earth " is the ace.
THE calico manufacturer is we'll red
and prints among men.-NcaO Yorl
NeaO8.
A VERY practical penwiper can be
make of your coat tail or the seat of your
trousers.
EXTREMES meat said boarder as
he tackled couple of pigs feet.-Kapa-
SOS City Argo.
ANOTHER hotel horror, as theman said
when the hash was set before him. Dos
ton transcript.
THERE are 104 boys to every 100 girls.
Nature evidently makes allowance for
suits for breach of promise.
EVA noticing q flock Of noisy, chatter
ing blackbirds, said: "Mamma, L guess
they're having sewing 'ciety"- Home
Journal.
A MAN by the name of Harry Bumm
Is candidate for Office in Philadelphia.
People of his name run for office ali
over the country.
A Boston dentistress is SO pretty that
"she could coax mans tooth out by
just putting her hand under his chin
and asking for it. %
STLAs CARD was married the other
day, and on his wedding notices were the
words: emo cards." But he doesn't know
what might happen.
The cheapest way to purchase-Buy
the yard.-ET. Not at all. Buy the
house and the seller will throw in the
yard. -NOTTj8tO1O1 Herald
A MINNESOTA young man is reported
TO have thrown 777O n 1.-Two fpoCr To y1,CJo
ably threw it up on the roof of the barn.
N. \. Commercial AdUertiSer
NOWADAYS nobody wonders how some
men get into "good society,"" As long
as they have ingots it doesn't seem to
make any difference how they get in
NeoO York Commercial AdUert58er.
PAT says that if men could only hear
their own funeral sermons and read
their own headstones, there would be no
living IN the world with them. -BO8tom
| Courier.
WHEN you see a sour-faced woman
sitting ashes on her sidewalk, 1t is diff
cult TO tell whether she loves the human
race or hates the new carpet of her next
door neighbOr.
4 WEST VIRGINIA clergyman, unmar-
ried, preached against the present style
OF corsets as unhealthy, and the next
day the deacons discharged him. They
said he knew too much.
AN exchange discusses 'The penalty
we pay for having wealth" It is very
Encouraging, no doubt; but give us the
wealth, and we'll willingly pay the pen
alty.-NOrrjStoaO9 Herald.
JMMY's twenty. five cent watch not
running satisfactorily, he pried it open
and dosed it from mas bottle of pepper
mint, explaining to her that 81 DIES it
dot 'tomach ache. ''-Ihe Waterman.
SIoUGHTERBY says his wife hasn't
done very much shopping this winter,
although she did go down town the
other day and buy a huff 'Fjust to keep
her hand in."-EIeUated r. IL. Jour-
nal.
A MAN asked for admission to show
for half price, as he had but one eye.
But the manager told him that it would
take him twice as long to see the show
as it would anybody else, and charged
him double.
The meanest slight girl can put
upon an admirer is to use postal card
in refusing an offer of marriage. It
proves that she doesn't actually care two
cents for him.-PhiladelpbiG Chr0n-
6cle- Herald. .... w..
SOME heartless wretch caught two
cats, tied them by the tails and flung
them into the cellar Of church. The
residents of the vicinity heard the noise
the animals made, but thought it was
the choir rehearsing. -PhGt0. C95rOn5cie-
Herald.
"MARY JANE" said Dickey, "isn't
this weather too cold for potatoes p"
"Dickey," said Mary Jane, P" " it isn't
cold that takes off the potatoes; it con-
sumption" "Oh," said Dickey, "
never lived on a farm. "-Lo15sUiJ;e
C0urjer-JOurnG{. a.
A YEAR-oLD boy at Belfast, Me-, has
very advanced ideas. He has a doll
which he calls his wife. Recently he
WAS telling his wife his future plans, and
remarked: fBy and by shall become a
Mason, and then you won't see me until
II o'clock at night" ......-
A CERTAIN little 3-year-old likes very
much to go to church, and especially
enjoys the singing. One day the choir
sang, Crock of ages, cleft for me, :" and
after she got home the little one was
heard singing, very seriously, Crock the
babies, kept for me. Nursery Tales.
AT Monte Carlo, on New Years day,
a player was sitting at a roulette table.
Up to him came friend very excited
who said, "Have you heard the news
Gambetta died last night" "What
time ?'' said the player. g At midnight. :"
"Then will put five louis on thetwelye
this coup %
AN Illinois butcher slaughtered COW
that had swallowed bundle Of green
backs, and for several days afterwards
he was subjected to great torture in con-
sequence of being asked by almost every
person he met as to what was likely to
be the effect of legal tenders on tender
loin. -Byo0klyu Eagle.
A NEW member Of the Connecticut
legislature was much surprised, after
eating hearty meal in the house res
taurant, at being called on to pay for
it. Why" SAID he to the cashier, 81
thought the state furnished us wit b
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