New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-05-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

Pleasanter by far-to pay your adj
dresses than your debts.
Italian music is fine, because it is
ground so much on the streets.
The nihilists promise the car q big
blow out when he is crowned
The active drummer may be regarded
as q commercial scenter.
The new dictionary: Gentleman-A
person who wears tall hat. Lady-A
woman who wears sealskin sacque.
The young mans fancy now lightly
turns to thoughts of whether that same
pretty waiter girl will be at the hotel
where he stopped last summer.
Fogg argues against woman suffrage.
He fears that the rib. taken from man,
if it gets into politics, will prove bone
of contention.
The readiness with which the foot of
the modern man taketh him to the club
would go far to prove by nature that
man is club-footed.
Baltimore claims to turn out more
artists than any other city.-Erchange.
Don't make enough money to pay their
rent, we suspect.
An Irishman once received a doctors
bill. He looked it carefully over, and
said he had no objection to paying for
the medicines; but the visits he would
return.
''My boy" said a politician to his son,
clean little toward everything, and
commit yourself to nothing. Be as
round as a bottle, and just dark enough
so that nobody can see what's in you. "
Pigskins are now utilized for ladies'
kid gloves, and Mrs, Parvenu was great
ly shocked when she made the discovery.
1t is perfectly awful when one comes to
think of it.
The following is what an eavesdrop-
per heard: CHOW, Mr.. Davis, you must
run up to the third story and get my
smelling bottle and my fam David
Davis-'Oh, that this too solid flesh
would melt.''
Speed the parting guest" Things
one would rather have left unsaid.
"We've had such a pleasant evening, Mr..
Jones. May beg Of you to ask one of
your servants to call a hansom?' ''With
pleasure Mrs. Smith,"
A young man was boasting the other
night about being an actor. "Whcre do
you act?" was the question. ooh, I'm
in the stock of the-theatre, was the
reply. "Ah, yes, I see," said the ques-
toner, ''supe stock, no doubt"
EYES," said the society belle, .sMr
DE La Mere has insulted me. But I'll
be revenged. I'll dance german with
him and step on his toes and get my
train in his way at every possible OPP
portunity.''
At one of the schools in Cornwall the
inspector asked the children if they
could quote any text of scripture which
forbade man having two wives One
of the children sagely quoted in reply
the text: mo man can serve two mas
ters.''
1t took young Parsonby all aback
when, at the theater the other evening,
he whispered to his girl that he guessed
air, and she quickly responded: 1T is
very oppressive, George; I'll go out
with YOU
A precious momentum: Two ladies
were coming out of the theatre. See
ing the other drop her play-bill, one of
them exclaimed: ''Why, Mrs. Blank, do
you always throw your programme
away? l should think you would like
to keep it for momentum.
Every time we happen to think of it
we always feel glad we are not an an
cient Roman. The clothes seem to be
airy enough and they appear to fit east
ly, but it must have been very trying to
be compelled to talk in blank verse all
the time.
II know why there is no rest for the
wicked said the bad boy us he slid in
to n seat ut the second table after the
minister and the other guests had de-
parted. 'It's because the good people
6ook all there was Wheeling Jour-
nal.
A little boy was out with his big BROTH
er shooting. They came to a church
yard. There, in a tree, an owl was sit
ting. The boy with a gun shot it, to
the borrow of his little brother, who ex-
claimed: "Oh, Tommy, what have you
been and done? You have been and shot
d cherrybum.
operate: Said a lady, who wanted to
go to the theatre, to her husband, who
was reading a newspaper: ''There is
new opera company coming to Austin
and they are going to give Robert the
Devil" ''What are they going to give
Robert the devil for-what's he been
doing?'' asked the husband, who is not
we'll up in the opera music.
A Pittsburg girl, who had refused a
good looking telegraph repair man three
times within six months, gave as a
reason that he was too much of wan
dcrer. That he roamed from pole to
pole, from one cline to another, and if
lie did not come home he'd be insulate
chat the neighbors would be sure to
talk.
She was q very pious old lady, and
devoted to the temperance cause, e'Do
you see that old man reeling up the
street?'' she asked her nephew. Eyes
swell, he is eighty-tive years old, and
goes to bed drunk every night" ''Must
have a strong constitution" "No, that
isn't it." she sighed; ''rum preserves
some men,
No my son don't think it necessary
to study for the stage. Nobody does
that nowadays. While you are wasting
your time in study another man with
nice-fitting pantaloons, an obdurate
facial Development, and an energetic
advance agent with a talent for putting
will rush forward and usurp the high
est place in the profession.
..You have spelled my name wrong"
said man, entering newspaper office.
"You called me Col Pitsil when nv
name is Bitsil. Wish you would make
correction in the next issue.'' Cali
right, !" the editor replied, "and, by the
way, Sam, we made the same mistake
in the police court report. Correct it
tomorrow. ooh, never mind,' ex-
claimed the visitor, "you needn't make
any correction. merely called in to