The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-07-27
WIT AND HUM0R.


ty-eight, was hep Dear, dear, to think
how if he'd lived two years more he'd
have been a centurion"
IAN amateur poetess anxiously walls;
80, where can find restP" Get posi-,
ton as saleswoman in astore that dOesn'
advertise, darling N Y, Commercial
ADVERTISER
A New York doctor knows of hus
band who kissed his wife on the ear and
made hei' deaf. She would not have
been deaf if he had kissed some Other
mans wife, and it had come to her ears.
detroit Free Press.
A correspondent writes from Swiss
town, II was much amused on looking
over a VISITORS book at the inn to find
that under the heading Occupation,
two German girls had written, Looking
for husband, "
DIR. Julian, servant, says there is
not a modern building which will be in
existence 1000 years hence. There's
always some old genus rising up to say
something to keep folks awake at night
and make them miserable.
The medicine chest of one of the
abandoned Arctic whaiers was broken
open by some of the natives, who think
ing they had found a prize, proceeded
toSwallow the contents Of all the bot
ties. The result was disastrous.
The Tombstone Epitaph, of Arizona,
tells of a dear little boy who, when told
upon the first day at school that the first
letter in the alphabet was called "a"
said to the schoolma m, How in lido
you know"
will explain that whenever want
thing, and Mrs. McWilliams wants an
other thing, and we decide upon the
thing that Mrs McWilliams wants-as
we always do--She calls that com
promise. Marx Train.
The movement in the East to abolish
the vest has pctered out When man
takes OIL his coat at a Sunday-school
picnic to ladle out the ice cream he
wants something between the public and
the knots in his suspenders Detroit
Free Press. ... ~
A New York man was so enraptured
with a lady at fancy ball that he offer
ed her 800 to unmask, She accepted
the money, saying, Nov your wife can
pay the servant girls back wages 1t
was his mother-in.law.- PhiadciDRia
NeWS. q ~
Woman who has been looking over
blankets in Main street store: "Well,
didn't mean to buy. Am Just look
ing for friend. Clerk, politely:
Don't think you'll find your friend
among the blankets. We've looked EN-
all through. y
What trouble there would be if ami
mails could talk. Imagine a Spring
chicken in market house saying to
giddy old maid "Oh, you needn't try
to act so young; knew YOU when |
was first hatched, and YOU were mere
baby then. "--PhiLadeiphia NcwS.
The poet Bowles was in the ahbit of
daily riding through country turn
pike gate, and one day he presented as
usual his two-pence to the gate-keeper.
"What is that for, STRIP he asked. For
my horse, of course" but, sir, YOU
have no horse" dear mel" exclaim-
ed the astonished poet, "am | walk
ing?"',
A gentleman, young in years, but well
grown for his age, was asked at "A store
yesterday if he had any "confusions"
on hand lie was unable TO CLEAN what
the blllshing damse desired, and, re-
firing, permitted theproprietor' daugh-
ter to attend to the customer. She
speedily ascertained that the young lady
wanteda hustle, and sold her couple.
The Popular Science Monthly has d.
rections How to act in a tornado, but
fails to tell man just how to comport
himself in case he should hurriedly pass
lady friend about 1000 feet in the air,
both on the top wave of a cyclone.
Would it be proper to dof' the hat, or
would the cyclone care for that little
courtesyP- Hartford Post
Little Sam Wrinkler on visiting a
neighborng family last Sunday, was ad-
dressed by the lady Of the house. "What
can do for you my little manP" she
asked. al donno, said Sam, mamma
told me not to ask for cake or pie, as |
did last time, and I'm sorter at a loss TO
know what to ask for, for don't know
what else you've got in your pantry,
anyhow, but | can put up with most
anything that's handy. --SWeet,
Old gentleman in beer-garden near
the railroad depot, waiting for his wife
to arrive on the next train, complaining
to himself Here | have already drunk
six glasses of Pilsener, and Cooking at
his watch the train will not be here for
one hour to come. This will compel
me to drink six more glasses. It's ter
rible; What an expensive wife ] have
got' fHegendc Blaetter,
81 wish ! had drink" remarked
Mrs Fogg, 'but / don't like to go over
there TO the fountain, there are so many
men there" You've Just as good a
right as they have, said Fogg; don't
| you see the motto, for man and bcnstp'
Come along" "Oh! it is very well far
YOU to say come along" replied Mrs.
F., "but you know I'm not a man, -
Boston Transcript,
On Sunday avaoino, po,o,, 90 -,