davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
Underground in San Francisco.

A correspondent of a Philadelphia
paper writes: ''Highbinders" seem to
be q sort of Chinese Thug, and the
weapon they employ is short, round
bar of iron with basket hilt. 1t looks
like q broken-off single stick, but, as
welded by them, is very deadly. The
blow is generally given at the back of
the neck. The guide RECALLED us with
''Highbinders" victims few days be-
fore, and then took us into cellar in
which he suspected some of the muir
derers were Two floors underground,
in a narrow, tortuous passage, the rats
running over my feet, and the only
light a Pickering candle held by ChOy,
it may be imagined we kept close to-
gether. On arriving at u doorway the
magic "Amona" soon gained us adj
mittance, and we stood in aroom about
nine feet long by six wide. On the
right-hand side were four hunks, one
above the other, with less heighth be-
tween them than is usual in the fore
castle of a ship. Across the end OF the
room were four more hunks, leaving
clear space only at the side of the right
hand row. Each of the berths had an
occupant, and here, nearly eighteen
feet under ground, in a space not SO
large as an ordinary stateroom, with
foul smells arising from the saturated
ground, which was the only flooring,
and with rats so numerous and frequent
visitors as not to be thought worth
noticing, lay eight human beings. Some
were asleep, some were smoking opium,
and some tobacco from little pipes
which only hold pinch of the weed,
and are exhausted in two or three
whiffs. The air was almost intOlerable.
Yet the Chinese live and thrive in it. A
dreadful hole, known as the hospital Of
the Lost Chance" is supported by the
Six Companies. Our visit was made at
about 8 o'clock in the morning. and be-
cause the Misunderstanding attendant
DELAYED some time in opening the door
the detective boxed his ears soundly.
The Last Chance" is, indeed, worthy
of its name. Here sick Chinese are
brought to die. They get medical at
tention. Upon the wooden floor, in one
corner, lay man evidently dying OF
consumption; by his side was some
food and a cup of tea. The attendant
explained that if the patient felt better
he turned over and took his food; if not
he kept his face to the wall and died.
In shed built out from the room were
some trestles supporting roughly-made
collins awaiting occupants--a cheerful
sight for the eyes of the sick and dying
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
He Saw.

LAS | understand it." said the
Chicago lawyer, as he leaned back,
''yOu run a grist mill?"
Eyes, sir
ut is owned by a stock company,
and YOU have ten shares?"
Yes, sir.
1.-The stock now sells at 50. You
want to bear it down to about 80, and
buy in a controlling INTEREST,""
Exactly"
Very well. Your game is to report
that the mill is unsafe, the machinery
out of order, the wheat crop poor, the
stockholders discouraged, and your be-
lief that the concern will lose $4,000
during the next year. Then offer your
own stock at 45."
In about week the man returned
and when the lawyer asked him how il
worked, he replied:
i followed your advice. After do
ing some tall talking [ offered my stocl
at 45."
''Of course. And you have cleaned
'em out?"
mo, sir! They bought my stock il
before [ could turn around twice, and
am s., 900 out of pocket!'
Yes, | see-I see-I see. Humph
OF course see! Your game now is t.
feign insanity; go to the asylum for :
few weeks, and have me appointed
your guardianr' Wall Street News.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27

inc him think he was slain. TheyOung
man who threw the ball came up to
him and apologized. He said: & ~
mighty sorry it hurt you; but it's my
luck YOU were there. If you hadn't
been, the ball would have broken a
pane of glass IN the basement window"
Boston Post.
Two anecdotes from London CORES
pondent's letter: A young American
lady was expressing her ardent desire
to visit Standardization. What in
the world do YOU want to 90 to STRAIT
ford for Miss X?'' inquired young
Englishman who was present. ''Are
there any good races there?" An
American acquaintance asked a young
Swiss if he had really gone to see the
Niagara during his tour. 4 really do
not remember, he answered hesitat-
ingly. ''Nia@ara!-ah, yes-that is the
place where Blondin used to walk on
the tight rope
A lady says her husband will sit on a
barbed wire fence all the afternoon to
see baseball match, and never move
muscle, but when he goes to church
he can't sit in a cushioned pew for fiji
teen minutes without WEIGHING all over
the seat, and changing his position
forty times, and she asks how she can
fix him so he will sit still in church. O.,
there are several ways of fixing him, if
that is all she wants. She might get
them to play match game Of baseball
in church, but that would not do. The
best way would be to give him 4 pine
stick and a knife and tell him to keen
tally. When the minister scored a
good point the knife would act rs UNI
pire and whisper tally one, ," and the
husband could cut q notch i'll the stick.
Try him with q job Of keeping tally in
church, and see if he does not sit still.
-Peck'S San.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
Erirhtoned to Death.

Few people seem properly 10 estimate
the Great wrong of frightening children,
says the Ar6Qn&a,0 IraUeier. Nearly
every household has its ugly old man"
or its great oil bear" This terrible
old man and this great Old bear are
powerful factors in nursery discipline.
Come along here now" a mother or
nurse will say to child. land let me
put YOU to bed" Il don't want to 90
now" the child replies. You better
come on here now, or I'll tell that ugly
man to come and take you away This
has the intended effect, and the child.
trembling in fear, submits ut once and
goes to bed, probably to see in magma
ton all kinds of horrible faces.
The sad death of little Girl, which
occurred recently. shows what strong
impression these "boogers" make on
the minds of children. The little girl
was a beautiful child, and every one at
the fashionable boarding house where
her parents were spending the summer
months loved her with that purity of af-
lection which 4 child so strongly in
spires. She would stand at the gate and
clap her little hands in glee when her
father came to dinner, and when he
would take her on his shoulder she
would shout and call to every one to
look how high she was. One day y
large, shaggy dog came into the yard,
and when she ran to him and held Il
flower to his nose he growled and turned
away. She was terribly frightened, and
the black nurse. who stood near, was
not slow in making 4 mental note of the
impression the dog had made Several
nights afterWard, when bedtime came,
the child was unusually wakeful.
''1er'd better come heah an git in
dis bed, +" the nurse commanded.
Il don't want to-.
''All right, den. Use gwine out an
call dat ole dog what growlcd at yer.
When he comes an fins yer outen de
bed, he'll bite yer head off -
The little girl grew deathly pale.
''Nuthin' woald suit dat dog better
dan ter git chance at. yer. 'Tother
night be cotch a little girl across de
road an eat her all up. "
The child screamed.
Come on here den, an [ won't let
him ketch yer."
The poor little thing obeyed. Her
father and mother We're at an entertain
ment, and there was no appeal from
the negro woman'S decision. When
morning came the little girl did not
awake with her glad good morning papa
and mamma" She had tossed all night
and hot fever had settled upon her
She grew rapidly worse, and the next
day the physician declared that there was
no hope for her. She became delirious,
and struggling, would exclaim:
Dog shan't have mammals girl"
1t was sorrowing circle that sur
rounded her death bed. The parents
were plunged into grief which none
but the hearts of fathers and mothers
can feel.
Her last moments were q series of
struggles. How hard the beautiful can
die. She wildly threw up her little hands
and shrieked:
go away, dog"
A gentle hand wiped the death froth
from her lips
Again she struggled and shrieked:
Dog shan't have" but she died
ere this sentence was finished
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27

Confessions of an indianapolis bag
gage smasher: ''All there is left now is
the roping of trunks at scents each,
and we are working for all there is in
it. We come at the travelling man with
the remark, Better have that trunk
roped, if it is not strapped, be the
trunk a good or insufficient one. If the
fellow hesitateS and is somewhat green
about travelling, we tell him that the
trunk will be carried at the owner S
risk if not properly roped, and if that
does not bring him we hunt a weak
place in the trunk, or come one of our
shaky twists on it, and tell him we have
to mark it Bad order, and this gener-
ally brings the quarter. We get only
10 cents of it though; the Union Rail
way Company furnishes the rope. This
costs or 5 cents, and the other 10 or II
cents goes into the treasury of the poor
Union Railway Company. Al Kansas
City or St. Louis" he continued, 1.-The
boys let trunks drop on purpose to burst
them and get q chance to tie them up
with rome -
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
W0uId not be InSultpd,


Street car No. 6 going up Austin
Avenue one day last week contained
but solitary male passenger. Having
exhausted the beauties of the scenery
from the car window, he finally entered
into conversation with the driver.
What do you think?' he inquired
ga man called me dude this morning.
"a dude! What did you pulyerize
him with?" asked the driver.
Me-" replied the man, 30, only
laughed at him.
''OnIy laughed at him." exclaimed
the driver, excitedly. I'D shot him
down like dog. I'll tell you what It's,
sir, no man could cast any such rehec.
ton as that on me and live. "-TeGcS
SittjndS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
Mo- Rich But Inlirnant.

Among the eXcurSioniStS Yesterday
was Il fat man encased in an immense
linen buster, accompanied BY 4 scared
looking wife whose weight would not
have balanced 100 pounds. As they
came up Jefferson avenue, the man
wfping off his heated brow and limping
on his sore corn, they turned into store
and the fat man said:
1--WE are eXcurSionistS. We have come
to view the points of interest in your
city. Can you direct me to the State
House,"
We have no State House here. sir,
Lansing IS the capital, YOU know
All. so she is-of course. Wife, why
| didn' t we 90 to Lansing? [ expected
some such trickery all the way in Well,
we want to 90 to the morgue aud see the
dead bodies"
There are no dead in there now"
mo. Wife, what 10 YOU say to that!
If that isn't downright robbery on US
then I'd like to know! Where is the
grand aquarium?"
Il guess it's down in Lake Erie"
You have no public aquarium! Wife,
how does that strike you after coming
eighty miles? Maybe you can put up
with it, but l .5on't!"
MAYBE they have catacombs here?"
she tremblingly suggested.
No, ma am.
mo! of course not!' growled the old
bear. Not catacomb in the city, and
we expected to see at least forty. NV
whole county shall hear of this swim
dlev'
4 suppose there are no mountains
around here?" she queried.
''No, ma am"
just as | eXpecUedn' blurted her
husband as he mopped his red face
again. They haven't got Il mountain,
precipice or avalanche in the whole
town. Mary, we've been outrageously
swindled!'
There might be some grand ruins,
Richard"
Il don't believe it!''
mo, ma am. All the ruins we have
at present are undergoing needed i'm
proyements, and won't be in running
order for sixty days"
Didn't tell you so, Mary! | knew
the minute we landed that they hadn't
q consumed ruin in their old town.
Let's 90 home
Liz SOODcI IuSlIIilc ISL l. mere, Is
| it?" she asked, rs she rose up.
'.No, lam.
just as [ expected-just exactlyr
roared the enraged lion. ''When you
woke me up at 2 o'clock this morning
and said we must not forget the Cooper
Institute [ knew you was preparing a
disappointment for yourself. Come on"
Eve have beautiful river" suggest.
ed the citizen.
is it the Bosphorus?" she asked
! mo, ma am. -
mo! of course not-come along!
| We've been cheated and tricked and
swindIed and mopped in the gutter!
! The Pyramids amt here, they hain't
got no volcanoes, and I'll bet hat agin
ten cents they never had an earthquake!
| Wen 90 back to the depot! We hain't
rich, but we know when we are swim
dled!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
Cincinnati Culture,

In the elegant drawing-room OF Il Gin
cinnati pork merchants mansion a
large company was assembled. All the
luxury that wealth could command con-
tributed to the qualification Of the
guests Upon blue satin diyan the
pork merchants daughter, gorgeous in
silks and pearls and diamonds, was
conversing with friend. Presently her
father approached and said:
Pauline, L want to say a word to
you"
The girl arose and accompanied her
parent 10 the seclusion of Il bay win
dow.
Pauline began the old man,
there's q couple of Cleveland dudes in
the dining-room having hot talk about
Copernicus. | was afraid they were go
ing to ask me to decide the dispute, so
/ made some excuse to get out and
come to you. Now tell me, who was
Copernicus, anyhow"
..Oh, father" exclaimed Pauline,
show could YOU be so ignorant? Why,
arg schoolboy knows who Copernicus
was. lie sailed from Palos, Spain, on
the Sd of August. 1892, and discovered
America the following October.
The venerable purveyor of swine
gazed exultingly at his daughter mo-
ment and then said, with suggestion
of sadness in his tones:
Pauline, my child, if | had your
brains | might have been a United
States senator from Ohio. "-Br00bLg7a
Eagle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
Nests on the Low Boughs.

The song birds nearly all build low;
their cradle is not upon the tree-top. 1t
is only birds of prey that fear danger
from below more than from above, and
that seek the higher branches for their
nests. A line five feet from the ground
would run above more than half the
nests. and one ten feet would bound
more than three-fourths of them. 1t is
only the oriole and the wood pewee
that, as a rule, go higher than this. The
crows and jays and other enemies Of the
birds have learned to explore this belt
pretty thoroughly. But the leaves and
the protective coloring of most nests
battle them as effectually no doubt as
they do the professional oologiSt.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
An Indian Agent,

The President likes Il good story, es-
pee ally il it is quaint. An Indian agent,
who came East not long ago to get
something better than his agency, cot
it Just Tor the story he told. He said:
NH. President, when | cot out to the
agency | found that those Indians were
Just about to have their annual sun
dance Of course. they invited the
agent, and Of course the agent went. 1t
was very exciting. had never seen 4
sun-dance and | thought it was i'm
mense." And then he described the
wild ceremonies ut length. i watched
them" be said, las they jumped and
yelled, and yelled and jumped, and cut
themselves, and marched and counter
marched, and cut up like so many
painted devils. All this time [ was Il
spectator. But presently they began TO
pass the fire water around. OF course,
hey invited the agent to drink, and OF
course the agent drank. In fact, he
drank q good deal-a good deal more
than he ought to- 1t WASH LONG before
he found himself in the middle Of the
ring, as wild rs the rest of them, dane
ing, yelling and bowling. Then he was
Il paftlcipatOr. lie kept IhlS up SOME
time. Mr.. President, and then, it is said,
Mr.. President, he got into 4 fight with
q BIG buck and made so much trouble
that they had to put him off the ground.
[ don't know about that, Mr.. President,
but | know that very shortly after he
became q traveller, and now he would
like little softer berth little nearer
civilization" He got it for the tale he
told. Fhiladelphia Record.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
WileS of an In.arvi3w-r.

The hardest man 10 interview, in my
experience, was Simon Cameron. The
only time it was my fortune to tackle
him was about three wear since, and
the place was at the Girard House, in
Philadelphia. In response to a care. he
sent word he could not be seen. No
matter" said Il political friend of his,
who desired Il see the statesman cor
nered, It'll fix it 50 you can corner
him" An hour afterWard we sat in
one of the offices facing each other, and
| (without revealing Iny indemnity as
the bearer of the card) recalled to his
memory a time when | had been sent
for, as an officer of the army, to meet
President Lincoln, Gen. Mcclellan and
himself at his private office in the War
Department. The old man grew inter-
ested and talked, and before he realized
the situation he had answered half q
dozen political questions. Then sud-
denly he grasped both arms of his chair,
rose up, and said emphatically: Il will
not be interviewed, sir. Good day"
He marched out Indignantly, while his
political friend chuckled. The inter-
view was published, and was denied.
But the writer does not care TO encOun-
ter the veteran again in that field.
However, this is enough Of such remi-
absences.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
largo California Ranches,

4 list of the big ranches of San Luis
Obispe county is given by the Tribune.
Few counties are suffering more from
the aggregation of land in the hands OF
wealthy men. There is one ranch OF
more han 10000 acres; four of more
than 10000; two containing over 1000
and less than 10000 acres; four be-
tween 20, 1000 and 10000, and zine be-
tween 10000 and 10000. The Tribune
says, by way of comment; In some of
our neighboring counties there are
tracts OF 100000 acres in the possession
of sheep herders who live in & six-by-
ten shanty, without book or newspaper.
little above the sheep in intellect. There
may be one nest of children, nc more,
who are compelled to lead life of Sc
clusion and ignorance away from socie-
" and ali that is eleyating. Not a
school house, not a church, not 4 fruit
tree. or even a flower TO mark the wide
desolation San Francisco. -4LtG.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27

What was in it: MY case is Just
here, )" said citizen to lawyer. 1.-The
plaintiff will swear that [ hit him. will
swear that [ did not Now, what can
you lawyers make out of that if we 90
to trial?" "a hundred dollars, easy, -
was the reply.-Bench and Bar.
The late Ginery Twichell for many
years, and especially during the eNcit-
ing Harrison campaign, was noted fol-
his horse expresses, conveying the ear
Hest returns of elections throughout
Massachusetts, to Boston.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27

At one OF the watering places an i'm
patient young man walked up to the
bathing house in which he thought MS
male corspanion was dressing, and
knocking on the same, testify inquired,
''When in blazes are you going to get
those pants on?n There was a faint
giggle and silvery voice replied, ''Whep
| get married, | suppose
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27

A very hard man to get at was the
late George Law, the millionaire city
railway king. Naturally taciturn, he
made himself practically inaccessible
except to those who had pecuniary
transactions with him. About three
years ago q New York paper desired to
obtain an expression of his financial
and political views, but was puzzled to
find the means Very opportunely o
former intimate friend of his died-a
man who had been a United States
Senator from Florida before the war,
and had afterward removed to Canada,
leaving instructions in his will that his
body should never be carried to the
United States for burial. Armed with
this fact [ went to Mr.. Laws house on
found him seated at a long table cover
ed with papers, in the front basement,
clad in shabby red dressing gown and
busily debating to two secretaries. At
the mention of his friends name he
wheeled around in his chair and paid
his memory an earnest tribute. This
was only the bait, and the reporter then
rose, and, hat in hand, put in few
suggestions as to finance and politics.
The ice having been thawed, and the
visitor apparently having finished his
newspaper business, Mr.. Law spoke
very decidedly upon the political and
financial situation, and at half an hour S
length. 1t is said that when he read
the interview his profanity shook the
entire Philadelphia Record.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27

Gail Hamilton (Miss Abigail Dodge
is described as a plain, brown-eyed LADY
of the most unpretending type.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-08-25
BREAKFAST CHAT.

IT is said that true BOstonian is one who,
when he is in Rome, does as the Bostonians do.
MISUNDERSTANDING WALLS the colore6 polt-
ical leader of Florida, will net nearly $4,000
from his vegetable crop this year.
TIE Rev. DR.. Talmage of Brooklyn, is said to
have drawn larger audiences in Kentucky than
any circus that has appeared this summer
MRS. Cox who is said to be sister of Geo.
W. Cable, the novelist, is making a reputation
for herself in New Orleans painter OF ami
mails.
THE Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, who is now in
Portland, Ore, expresses himself as delighted
with the far West, especially because of its
roominess.
THE conversation of the poet-broker, f. c.
Stedmsn, is said to be mixture of stocks, soph-
ocles and English verse making, varied still
more by favorite freak OF fancy, fyrg ma
chimes.
THE Methodist ministers OF New En- gland re-
ceive an average salary of $500 year, the Bap-
fists trfle more, the Presby $40, and the
Episcopalians 5000. These facts may probably
have something TO do with the dearth of young
men entering the ministry.
REPORT says that Mr.. Cable, the author of
the "Gradssimes," is ostraczed by the Creole
population of New Orleans because of his de-
scrIption of them in his book. proposition to
elect him member of leading literary club in
that city was considered affront, aud the
nomination was almost unanimously rejected.
SENIOR GORILLA, the Spanish revolntionist. is
now iu his fiftieth year. He Is described as a
tall, dark Castlian, with jet black hair combed
back from his forehead, which presents no very
extraordinary development. He is ever on the
alert, and is inclined to be reticent not wishing
to be expelled a second time from France.
ONE of the most singular sentences ever i'm
posed was by Judge Krellel, of the United States
District Court of Missouri, recently. An Hitter
ate prisoner was sentenced to Jail till he could
learn to read and write, and another offender
was sentenced till he could teach the former the
art. In a little three weeks the prisoner
appeared, able write fair letter at dictation,
and both men were discharged.
THE New York Journal says that in the Van
derbt mansion up town a whole suite OF apart
Irving, the actor, when he reaches New York.
Mr.. Irving's sitting-room will front on Fifth
avenue, and he Will have study, toilet-room
and bedroom. A large mirror has been pur-
chased especially for his use, that he may study
and pose before it. This was one of his requests
to Mr.. Vanderbilt, who will do all in his power
TO make 1t pleasant for his guest.
GETTING oven with Mrs. Brown; Two ladies tete-
a-tete: "Tliat Mrs. Brown ia just rs mean as she
can bel Why, would you believe it, she told me,
right to my face, that dressed too young for a
woman Of my years. The idea' "She didl
Well, if she'd talk to me in that way believe
I'd told her just what I thought of her." "Oh,
no, dear, that would be rude" POSSIBLY" "But
| did better, told Mrs. Smith what my opinion