The banner-enterprise., 1883-05-31
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

Up in arms-The midnight baby.
Frogs are proficient in croakay.-
Carl Pretzel.
The donkey never suffers from soft
ening of the brayin'.-Picayufae.
1t is at the quilting "bee" whera
you hear the singing remark. -Neao
York Ne1cS.
The aisle of a church is not the
proper place for sexton with squeaky
boots. He should try some other kind
of "ile." "--Ne1o YORK. Advertiser.
The sexton rings the bell at church,
Its peals of marriage tell,
While in the church the happy groom
Does also ring the belle.
drummer.
Where are our women driftingp
asks an anxious writer. They are
probably securing the neighborhood
for some butter and sweet milk
Drummer.
1t is the fashion this year for bald
headed people to wear their SUBMITS
so highly polished that when fly
lights on it he'll slip off and break his
neck.- Y0nkers G0z tie.
During the winter we feel that we
can hold our own pretty well as an av-
erage liar but now that the circus bill
adorns the wall we feel our utter in
significance.-ElGasriUe Argus.
Yes, my son, it is quite commenda-
BILE in you that you should wish to
see the world; but remember there are
better ways of seeing it than through
the bottom of tumbler.-BoSton
transcript.
Literary Matron - "What does
Shakespeare mean by his frequent use
of the phrase, Go toY" Matter-of-
fact Husband -" Well, perhaps he
thought it wouldn't be polite or proper
t. finish the sentence. y London
Punch.
1t is a breach of etiquette, never to
be forgiven, to sneeze in the presence
of royalty, but royalty has never both
cred itself to tell Il man what to do
with his nose when he feels sneeze
working along up his suspenders,--
Detroit Free PrtSs.
"Newton was not gourmand, but
he loved neither lettuce nor women
We are not surprised that he didn't
love lettuce, but women well, per
haps they were not cooked to suit him,
though most persons like 'em raw
NorriStotCh Herald.
The man that runs an auction,
And watches for anod,
Must either be near-sighted,
Or else he's very odd.
For when you bid on something
He smiles with sweet content
And thinks you nod dollar
When you only nod assent.
-IonkerS Gazette.
This is the time of the year that the
young man thinks of joining boat
club, and, as preliminary athletic
movement, he purchases pair of
dumb bells. lie uses these about five
minutes night and morning for two
or three days, and then leaves them
alone for the rest of the year.-Pttck.
From the new primer: What Is
this? 1t is II Young and Anxious
Father. Has 1t a bottle in Its Handr
Yes, and there's Big Label on the
Small Bottle What does the Label
spellP P-a-r-e-g-o-r-i-c. Where is the
Young and Anxious Father goingp
He is going to the Bawl this Evening.
-NeD York Ne,Cs.
A number of scientific papers are
uzzlng over the cause of dew. We
have stopped that long ago, for wa
know the cause of due is that the time
has expired on the last paper we gave
at four months. That piece and sew
eral others are all over due, and OF
course any business man should know
the cause of it without read
ing a long scientific article on the
subject. Scientists are theorists any
how, and don't even know business
when they have a bill of particulars
Drummer.