Morris tribune., 1883-08-08
PLEASANTRIES.
SPELL fat with four letters-O 30

-
A SPIRITED business Manufacturing
whisky.
CIRcus mules are educated because
they exhibit brayin.
FUNNY items should never be con-
signed to the grave.
"THE old man eloquent when he
comes home tribe of.
THE Philadelphia Sun thinks the
dressmaker is pattern woman.
A LAWYER should never burn coal.
He gets along better with Coke than
Blackstone.
THE man who invented corsets was
foolish, for he might have known they
would all go to waist.
"WATER melancholy scene" said the
small boy when the farmers dog chased
him out of the patch.
A HoAE1Y young girl has the consola-
ton of knowing that, if she lives to be
40, she will be pretty old girl.
"I DON'T like that cat; it's got splin-
ters in its feet" was the excuse Of 4
year-old for throwing the kitten away.
A LITTLE heat that can't be beat, the
window open wide little breeze, lit
tie sneeze, and you're the doctors pride;
| n17 OK Cor &o,, xisifS
AN ambitious young writer having
asked "what magazine will give me
highest position quickest" was told,
ga powder magazine, if you contribute
a fiery article.
CARLYLE, being once asked the differ
ence between a natural fool and an
educated fool, replied, "Just about the
difference between you and me, sus-
pect." The questioner was never able
to determine what kind of fool he was.
"I SAW a big boy and little fellow
quarreling over some marbles to-day"
said John. "Did your" asked his
father. ct hope you interfered to stop
their quarreling." eyes, yes" said
John, ST took the little fellows part.
AN old man, with head as destitute
of hair as watermelon, entered an Aus
tin avenue drug store and told the clerk
he wanted bottle of hair restorer.
.sWhat kind of hair restorer do you
prefer?" 81 reckon I'll have to take a
bottle of red-hair restorer.. That was
the color of my hair when I was boy. ="
TEXAS Sttings.
/ HURRY UP, Sis.
Dearest, delay not,
i Long have waited;
Sighed for the coming
Of kisses belated;
Fragrant as rosebuds,
Pure as the dew;
Dearest delay not,
I'm waiting for you.
"JUsr keep your bottle of whisky in
your closet, and, when the girl brings
YOU your hot shaving water in the morn
ing. you can mix your toddy quickly,
md not a soul will know a thing about
it." said the M. D. The plan worked
well until the old mans daughter
thought he must be going insane, be-
cause he wanted to shave five or six
times day.
ST. LOUIS boasts of a mailing clerk
whose extraordinary memory enables
him to name every postoffice in the
State and the county in which it is
situated. A better test would be fol-
some one to lend him dollar and then
call on him for payment in about three
weeks, Two to one the wonderful
memory would jump cog under such q
severe test. Ordinary memories always
do.-Detroit Free Press.
1T WAS THE CAT.
Thomas cat and an old bootjack
Go hurting through the yard,
The cats ahead at the old rose-bed,
But the bootjack's striving hard.
For the cat fence of cleaning pine
Fences are handy for cats, weenD
narrow post for him to climb
(But the bootjack hits the mowing-machins y
Bootjacks ard anthracite coal for you
ooh, the cat can scoot awayD
For me a corn and misft shoe
THAT hangs like pail DER blighted dsyD
For you profanity long and loud
(Chaos where once order reignedD
For I'm with bootjack not endowed
Giant steel-traps at my headD.