The Fremont County record., 1883-01-27
SCISSORISNIS.

The best burglar alarm is a good police
man
Herr Most is Nihilist of the superlative
degree.
Mrs. Langtry is still ably supported by
Freddy Gebhardt.
Tell you what When Chicago girl puts
her foot in 1t there is a mess.
Patent medicines are now made that will
cure everything except hams.
David Davis is worth $4,000, 900, and is
in pretty good order physically.
Langtry bangs, Bernhardt coque,ts, and
other styles of hair goods are now the rage.
Persons who do not understand the ma
turc of an oath should not undertake to use
the telephone.
A new Jersey man has patented stove
that explodes at 10 o'clock at night. He
has four daughters.
An exchange wants to know: "Whnt
are young men coming TOP Coming to
see our girls Of course.
The difference between n woman and an
umbrella are that there are times when you
can shut up an umbrella.
A little boy in Georgia, who wrote to
Santa Claus for pony, was wise enough
to add--Postscript. If he is n mule please
ty his behine legs
II has been noticed by Philadelphia
youth that the wide belts worn by fashion
able females are just the width OF gen
tlomans coat sleeve.
The Rochester Herald says that beer is
the most fatal TO human life Ii seems that
people are liable TO be carried of by beer,
no matter how you spell it.
A poet in the New York Sun compares
Freddie Gerbhardt TO q goat This is
frightfully absurd, as everybody knows
that goats weak point is not his head.
The star-ro ute trials have cos, the gov
crnment s5O0,O0o and the end has not yet
been reached. II seems 10 be very difficult
to reach the end of justice in Washington,
because il is so fnr OIL.
Every sensible man in Chicago who has
seen Langtry has gone home and said TO
his wife: "well, well; IL she's good look
ing wonder what they'd call you ~ Some
wives take il as a compliment
The grssshopper has, According to its
size, 100 times the kicking power OF an
ordinary man, IL must be exciting times
for the Young gras-hoppers which 20 court
ing and find the old man a; hone.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton adviscs billiards
for girls OF the period. II a girl handles a
billiard cue as dexterously rs she throws a
stone, the man four feet TO the LEFT OF her
is likely TO have an eye pollei out.
Oycrdank, who manufactured bombs for
rcgicidal purposes at Trieste, has been
hung. He did not exhibit the least fear,
and when he was about to be hung, he
laughed at the moose ms a good choke.
4 Baltimore lady says she can made a
delicious mutton soup for thirteen board
crs out Of four ounces Of old sheep. We've
seen the same thing done ON two ounces.
II can't fail, unless in time Of drought.
"Ycs,n said young, Mr.. Guy.of the Rick
crbockcr club, yes, I was engaged TO her,
bat I've broken IL of, you know, until
sec whether she is going 20 bc successful in
breaking her unclo's brothers will, you
you know"
In q Cincinnati court room the other day
witness swore that he never saw his
mothcr-in-law and did not know her name,
II made the jury so wild with envy that
they forgot the case and could not agree
on verdict.
A subterranean telegraph wire is being
laid between Paris and Marseillcs. Nearly
800 workmcn are employed on the under
taking, which will cost Ss,oo0,o0o. The
wire Is to be connected with the Atlantic
and Mediterranean cables.
am going TO n masquerade ball this
evening, and ! want an appropriate dress,
he said to the costumcr. What is your
business ?" "oh, I'm milkman." "Ah
Then you'd better put on a pair Of pumps
and 20 disguised waterfall"
An elderly English lady OF fashion need
ing u page, advertised "Youth wanted
Next day there came TO her bottle OF
Rmmcl's wrinkle filler and skin tightcner,
n pot of" Fairy Bloom a set of false teeth
iiasen wig, and some Iodine soap.
The Federal Government has recognized
the Confcdcracy at last. A letter sent
from Wiregrass, Georgia, TO Savannah ran
the gauntlet of two United States post
masters with u ten-ccnt Confederate post
age stamp upon IL, bca ring jeff Davis face.
The other day man stepped into a
ncighbor's house, where he saw the head of
the family lying upon his back ON the
TO withdraw when the prostrntc man
shouted: Come along in Steve; she is
only chalking me out n pair of pants"
On Christmas day they had an "Eistedd-
fod in Chickering hall, New York, At
which one man read an Euglynion and
another rccitcd "Awdl," and another the
"Cwydd Farm Fawr,n and the whole
crowd stood up and sang "IIen wlad fy
nhadhau.n And then the roof of the hall
fell in.
so you have got twins at your homo ~
said Mrs. Bezumbe to little Tommy SAM
uclson. Yes, ma'am, two Of 'cm." What
are you going TO call themyn Thunder
and lightning guess why, those are
strange names to call Children "wcll,
that's what Pa called them as soon MS he
heard they were in the house,
The foundation stone of the magnificent
church of the Saviour Mt Vienna, which
has been under construction for twenty
six years. and is the expression of ma
tional thanksgiving for the preservation Of
monarch's life, is q block of marble,
quarried on the Mont OF Olives, Jerusalem.
The church will cost 81, ,s75,o0o.
An Austin young man has been boring a
young lady with his attentions for some
time, although ON various aud sundry oc-
casiolss she had given him 10 understand
that he was distastcful TO her. A few
evenings ago he assured her that he was
anxious to fill her every ~ish, "ls IL
really fact that you will do whatever I
ask Of your "Your slightest wish Is law.
Command me and shall obey "wcll,
then, wish you would see II you can in
ducc my mother to marry you. She is n