davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-09-06
Counting a Female Doctor.

Miss Mary Flynn was studying medi-
cine and courted at the same time. Mr..
VIM. Budd was attending to the latter
part of the business. One evening,
while they were sitting in the parlor,
Mr.. Budd was thinking how he should
manage to propose, Miss Flynn was ex-
planning certain physiological facts to
him.
"Do you know" said she, "that thou
sands of people are actually ignorant
that they smell with tho olfactory pc
duncle2"
"Millions of EN-" replied Mr.. Budd.
"And Aunt Mary wouldn't believe me
when I told her she could not wink with
ont sphincter muscle!"
"How unreasonable"
"Why q person cannot even kiss with
out spipcter.
"Indeedw
81 know it is So"
"May try if CAM"
"Oh, Mr.. Budd, it is really too bad of
you to make light of such subject"
Mr. Budd seized her hand and kissed
it. She permitted it to remain in his
grasp.
II did not notice. he said, whether
a-a-what do you call it?--a sphincter
helped me then or not. Let me try
again."
Then he tried again, and while he held
her she explained to him about the mus.
cles of that portion of the human body.
"It is remarkable how much you know
about such things" said Mr.. Budd--
'really wonderful. Now. for example,
what is the bone at the back of the head
called?"
"Why, the occipital bone, of course !"
"And what are the names of the mus
cles of the arm?"
'"The spiralis and the infra-spiralis
among Others"
"Well, now, let me show you what I
mean. When I put my infra.spiralis
around your waist, SO. it is your occipi-
tai bone that rests upon my shoulder
blade, in this way"
my back hair primitlvely, but the
occipital bone, Of course, afterwards.
But, Mr.. Budd, suppose pa should come
in and see us?"
"Let him come! Who cares?" said Mr..
Budd, boldly. II think I'd exercise q
sphipcter again and take kiss"
"Mr. Budd, how can your" said Miss
Flynn, after he had performed the feat.
Don't call me Mr.. Budd; call me
Willie," he said, drawing her closer.
"You accept me, don't you, I know you
do, darling"
willie" whispered Miss Flynn,
family.
"What, darling?"
II can hear your heert beat"
at beats only for you, my angel"
"Aud it sounds to me out OF order.
The vernacular contraction is not uni
FORM"
"Small wonder for that when it's
bursting with JOY"
"You must pat yourself under treat
ment for it. will give You some medi-
cine"
Its our yown property. darling; do
what you please with it. But somehow
the sphincter operation is the one that
strikes me the most favorably. Let me
see how it works again"
But why proceed? The old, old story
was told again, and the old, old perform
ance of the muscles OF Mr.. Budd's
mouth was enacted again. And about
eight years later Mr.. Budd was wishing
that Mary would catch some disease
among her patients, and Mary WAS think
ing that the best possible use Willie
could be put to would be as subject
for the dissecting table.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-09-06

A "ahowsr Of stones" 10 reported from
Cecil county, Nd. II . young man was
singing at midnight and accompanying
himself on an accordson, . shower Of
stones was what night hsvs bssn az
pectsd.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-09-06

The "assisted" smigrant il one that II
seut 70 THE country - . pauper. with
pasoaes raid. The assisted" tramp 10
one that u urged out Of your yard With
. boot.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-09-06

These engaged his mind, and ~ he be-
came stronger, occupied more and more
OF his attention.
One afternoon, his days labor ended,
Mr.. Stickney sat on the piazza. Watching
his boys finishing the chores. The
teacher sat near him, busy with some
work. This man had not failed 70 enter
tain her with his grumbling, - he did
every one who would listen. He consid
cred himself an ill-used, unfortunate
person. Why . son OF his should do 20
foolish thing as to spoil his prospects
for life and lame . valuable colt, was
more than he could see, aud right at the
beginning Of the ploughine and planting
season-the worst time in the world. He
was sure none OF his "creatur's" ever
would know anything.
His wife heard him uncomplainiugly
and no cid the teacher enoe, bnt she did
not mean to again. She would give him
something else TO think about, and 20 in.
quired what was the highest wages he
had ever paid . hired girl to do his
housewcrk for him.
Three dollars . week." WAS the an
swer.
"And then she did not do ~ we'll -
your wife manages. presumed"
BLESS you, NO; 'tvould take smart
one to come mp 10 Harner; she can turn
OF work without wasting nothipg."
"And did you ever mad . hired girl
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
A Warning to Fat Men.
THE DANGER OF LOSING TOO MUCH FLESH
IN HIRRY.

THE DANGER OF LOSING TOO MUCH FLESH
IN HURRY.
Fat men resolutely bent on bringing
down their weight should read the report
of DR.. Vupian on the causes of the diges-
tive disturbance which was the origin of
the malady to which the Comts de Cham
bord succumbed. The Count. it must be
remembered, was in his early days thrown
from horse, with the twofold result of
tanning him and destroying his nerve. He
was unable in consequence to either walk
or to ride, and having exhibited a taste
and even passion for hunting, he caused
rides to be cut in the forest of Frohsdorf,
along which, driven in carriage, he was
accustomed to pursue his game. This
during the last few years of his life was
the only form in which he took exercise,
and as natural consequence he became
Unfortunately stout. He had recourse to
Bantingism; and the dietary system he
adopted had the effect-as he first and DR..
Vulpan afterward believed-of bringing
about the condition of stomach which at
last killed him. '.Some four or five years
ago." says DR.. Vulpian's report, 1.-The
Count, urged by desire to diminish his
stoutness, submitted himself to the Bant-
ing system in all its rigor, and in a few
months had lost nearly fifty pounds of his
weight. The rapid emaciation had pro-
duded weakness and at the same time per-
haps digestive troubles; and several peo-
pie have told me that that was the case,
aud have even traced to the same date the
first attack of the malady." The immediate
effects of severe Bantingism seems to have
passed off but later on, the Count was
twice attacked by acute Indigestion, and
was obliged to subject himself to severe
treatment on each occasion.-St. James,
Gazette.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

bly, lnauiriDg jnst how be spent it, aud,
meantime, reckoning up how much he had
each day. with great exactness. All this,
as he knew, was copied from his own Gus
TOM Besides he reflected, If he found it
so disagreeable for week. how much
more SO must it seem year after year. with
no prospect Of a change? In short, he
felt himself to he the meanest man in ex-
istence. 9 Tic one half to own it," and
the other half to reform, we suspect.
'There, Albert, - said his wife. II ana
glad the farce is ended. Resume your
prerogatlve.
1t was Tuesday evesing. at half-past
six precisely, when AIRS. Gray said this.
At the same time she handed her husband
his pocket book, and thea returned to her
seat.
Mr.. Gray counted the money carefully.
and then divided it int two equal piles.
This accomplished, he crossed over to
his wife, and placed one in her lap saying:
''Henceforth we will share alike. Buy
what you choose 1 have faith in your
prudence and judgment. am not infal-
lible. Why need sit in Judgmen upon
you 20
Mrs. Gray's eyes glistened with pride
and happiness as she replied:
'Believe me, Albert, you will never re-
greet this for now shall have an oppor-
tunity to use my reasoning faculties"
He never did regret it.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
A Bonn for the Deaf.

One of the most elegant contr ivances
for assisting the hearing is a small ear
trumpet set in the head OF q cane, Il French
invention, The curved handle of the
cane, which forms the audiphone, is not
any larger than other stout caneheads,
and q small hard rubber tuoe, which closes
directly under it, of the same length, is
concealed when not in use, but springs
round on either side for insertion in the
ear when needed. Thea the appearance
of this novel trumpet is simply that the
wearer is holding up the cane to his cheek,
a very ordinary attitude in lecture room.
Persons with defective hearing object to
the large conspicuous ear trumpet. be-
cause it seems to advertise and display
their defect, but this is really ingenious
and undiscoverable. The same idea might
we'll be applied to an opera glass or fam
handle, as the tubes of most ordinary
!orgnettes are larger than is required by
this trumpet. The appearance of this
French novelty is merely that of a
cane with hooked handle of agate or
Jet. With an opera glass or Panhandle for
deaf ladies' at church or concerts, and who
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
A Spanish Dandy. Seventeenth Century.

His hair was parted on the crown of his
head and tied behind with blue ribbon
about four fingers breadth and about two
yards long, wheh hung down at its full
length; his b1eeches we're of black velvet,
buttoned bown on each knee with five or
six buttons; he had vest on so short that
it scarcely reached below his pockets,
scollopped doublet, with hanging sleeves
about four fugers' breadth. made of white
embroidered satin. His cloak was of
black bays, and he, being spark. had
wrapped it around his arm. because this is
more gallant, with light buckler in his
hand, end which has steel pike standing
out in the middle they carry it with them
when they walk in the night on any occa-
sion; he held in the other hand a sword,
longer than half-pike. and the iron for
its guard was enough to make a breast
and back plato. These swords being so
long that they cannot be drawn out unless
man has the arms of giant, the sheath,
thel efore, flies open in laying the finger on
a little spring. He had likewise dagger,
whose blade Was very narrow. 1t was
fastened to his belt On his back. He had
such straight collar that he could neither
stoop nor turn about his head. Nothing
can be more ridiculous than wha,
they wear about their necks. for 1t is
neither ruff, band nor cravat. His hat
WAS of aprodigious size, with great band
twisted about it bigger than a mourning
one. His shoes were of as fine leather as
that whereof gloves are made, and all
slashed and cut, notwithstanding the cold
and so exactly close to his Feet, and having
no heels, that trey seemed rather pasted
on. In entering he made me a reverence
after the Spanish fashion: his two legs
cross one another, and STOPPING as women
do when they salute one another. He was
strongly perfumed, and they are all So
Countess DaaoiS.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
A STORY FOR HUSBANDS.

Mrs. Gray stood looking out of the win
dow, while her husband put on his nat and
gloves preparatory to his going down
town. They had just risen from 6. nicely
spread table, and the room was neatly and
tastefuliy furnished.
There was no indication of poverty
there. yet Mrs. Gray's voice and mann er
were faltering as she asked for some pos
tage stamps.
flow maay ?'' asked her husband
CURLY.
"Three will do. thought I would
write to mother and the girls"
did you ever reckon up, my dear, how
much you spend for postage stamps In the
course of year 7" asked Mr.. Gray, az he
lit bis fragrant cigar. "Well, let us see.
You write at least five letters a week,
which are fifteen cents, and fifty two times
fifteen are seven dollars and eighty cents
year, to say nothing OF paper and envel-
opes. haven't correspondent in the
world outside my business
Your friends" said the wife, "live
near you, while mine are IN another State.
Do you wish me to give up writing to
them 7" and her face took Oh an extra
tinee of color.
"By no means. merely mentioned the
cost Of the thing. But must 60. Good
bye.'
ALBERT ?'' she said, timidly.
Mr. Gray turned back.
''Can you leave me five or six dsllars 1
want to 60 down town to day.
"Five or six dollars ~ exclaimed Mr..
Gray in establishment. "What on earth
Can you want with FIVE or six dollars ?'
81 knew you would wonder, but have
needed some money for long time to get
few necessary articles"
Il gave you two dollars last week.
81 know it. and used 1t for mater ial
to work up for our church fair.''
"Church fddlestick!'' .aid Mr.. Gray,
CONTEMPORARY. well. can't see what
you need with five or six dollars"
Here is list of what I need" said
Mrs. Gray, handing little slip of paper
to her husband:
pair kid gloves. 5000
p" slippers. 200
8 " Balbriggan hose. ....,..... 100
o'lesla.. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. 70
Crepe de lisse. Observation-Disclosures. so
Total 1915
''Crepe de lissel What is that p''
"Ruf1ing for the neck"
"Will it wash 20
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

oTAUNTON PERPETUAL BUILDING AND
- LOAN COMPANY.
Authorized capital 100000. Subscribed capital
Lends money on Real Estate in Staunton and
Augu tn G u ty. at from on TO ten years, payable
in m, hlv insfaln. Information furnished on
app ication to the Secretary
ISAAC WITT, OHAS. A. RICHARDSON
President. secretary.
cont
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

"Will it wash 20
No"
II thought SO. A sheer waste of mon
~. What fools women are! What would
man think of putting piece of stiff.
white papery nothing around his neck,
that cost fifty cents and four dollars for
gloves and slippers Well, must say.
Annie, you are growing extravaganza.
pay for your dresses, bonnets and all the
essentials, without murmur, that is"
said he, with sundry recollectlons to the
contrary, when they come within reason
able bounds. But these little things
things which are of no earthly account-I
should think you might do without
''They are what no lady can do without.
The slippers are to save my nice walking
boots. You yourself noticed my gloves
last Sunday, and said you detested soiled
or torn glove. Stockings are rather nee
essary in our land. and-''
''Say no more But why is it that these
wants all come at once ?"
"For the simple reason that hitherto l
have bought them myself with money [
earned by plain sewing. But since my
illness-in autumE-it hurts my side TO
ew much, and had to give it up
Mrs. Gray enjoyed her husbands horri-
fed look.
plain sewing Annie, thought you
had too much PRIDE"
81 had teo much pride to beg Of you
what could earn myself" said she, with
some spirit.
"Well, here 10 four dollars and half.
Try to make that do" And he hurried
Off
Mrs. Gray sighed.
HE means WE'LL" she said, "but men
seem to think women are like children
not to be trusted with money"
Meanwhile Mr.. Gray was soliloquizing :
''Strange, bow extravagant women are.
Annie is one of the best in the world, but
she does not know the worth Of money
any more than child. That four dollars
aud half will be spent before night
Women can't keep money"
Mrs. Gray went down town. as intend
ed; but she walked instead of riding, in
order to save her money. While down
town, she felt faint and HUNGRY from her
walk, and would have liked lunch, but
she had no money to spare.
"Oh, by the way, Annie, did you 60
down town to-day ?" asked Mr.. Gray at
night.
..Yes," she replied.
"Spent every cent, I'll be bound," he
responded. jokingly.
mo, l have exactly two cents left; but
l walked both ways. got no crepe de lisse,
and went without luncheon, although
faint with hunger"
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
Poetry.
Unbelief.


There is no unbelief;
Whoever plants seed beneath the sod
And waits 10 see it push away tie cl0d,
He trusts in God
Whoever says. when clouds are in the sky.
BE patent. heart light br-aketh b. -2nd-by.
Trusts the Most Hlxa.
Whoever sees, meath winters field Of snow,
The silent harvest Of the future grow,
Gods power must know
Whoever lies down on his couch to sleep,
Content to lock each sense In slumber deep,
Knows God will keep.
Whoever says. Tomorrow s'The Unknown"
The Future trusts that Power alone
He dares disown.
The heart that looks Oh when the eyellds close
And dares TO live when life has only woes.
Gods comfort knows.
There is no unbeef;
Aud day by day. and night, unconsciously,
Tie heart lives by that faith the lips deny
God knoweth why!
-Edso.rd Bul,cer Luton
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

MUsH.-Mush made In this way Is ex.
cellent-Boil quart OF water. Stir pint
Of cold milk with nepint of cornmeal and
one tablespoonful of salt. Pour this into
the boiling water gradually, and let it ali
boil for half an hour. Watch It carefully
20 prevent burning.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

A PRETTY bag to hold cards is made by
taking two squares of pasteboard OF the
same size and covering them with satin;
on the upper part of the outside one put
on lid of velvet or plush finish the edge
with cord and hang by narrow ribbons.
The back need not be covered with satin:
silesia of the same color can be used. The
bag should be lined.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

Conferred upon tens of thousands of sufferers
could originate and maintain The reputation which
AYEB's SARsAPARILLA eDj ys III I compound o.
Potassium and I;nn,-al powerful, Matchmaking.
blood cleansing and lie sust ainlng-and Is the most
or blood disorders Uniformly successful and GER
tain. it pro- rapid and complete cures of Scrof
ula, Sores. Bos, Humors. Pimp:es. EIuptiOns Skin
the blood Iv lis invs Grating effects it always
lievfs and often cures Liver Complaints, Female
newer of waning vitality. For purifying the blood
It has no ,qual 1t zones up The system. restores
and preserves the health, and npartS Vg0r and en-
ergy For forty Years it has been in extensive use.
and is TO day the most available medicine for the
suffering sick.
For sale by all druggists MARI Tyr
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
FARM AND PRESIDE.

USEFUL bUGa tallow
will remove bad INK stains.
Mix stove polish with soap suds for
beauty and durability.
A little sugar put in common -four paste
will make it stick we'll.
A small bunch of pennyroyal hung In the
kitchen will drive away flies.
A lasting paste to mend crack in
stove is made by mixing stove backing,
-four and cold water.
To prevent butter from sticking to the
ladle, dip the ladle first in hot water, then
in cold
Plaster scattered over the floors Of fowl
houses is powerful absoi bent, prevent
ing all bad odors.
Never use sharp knives, such as meat,
bread, or vegetable knives, about the
stove; heat spoils the edge.
To prevent metals from rustlng. melt
together three parts of lard and one OF
rosin. and apply very thin coating.
Where worms infest flower pots they
may be driven out by mixing an ounce of
ammonia in gallon of water and sprink-
ling it over the earth.
Particular pains should be taken to
keep sheet and parts of boilers exposed to
the fire perfectly clean, also all flues. tubes
and connections we'll swept.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02


DEPTH OF DRAIEs.-Drains should be 8
feet deep at the lower end at least. When
the ground is nearly level and there is but
'ittle fall, the upper end may be only 2
feet. This will add foot to the fall
But draining alone will not restore worn
out land. On the contrary, unless the
land IS MANFRED it will only help to further
Exhaust it. Still, it Is waste of manure
to put it on wet soil. Fall plo - ing will be
help to the draining, as the land may be
laid out in lands with the open throws
where the drains will come and these may
be worked out with the plow to nearly the
full depth and much less digging will be
required. The drains may then be cover
ed again in the spring with the plow and
the surface made level again.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

CORN BRRAD.-Mix together thorough.
ly by putting through q sieve or other
wire, one pound Of Indian meal and one
pound and half of wheat flour. two
ounces of baking powder and tablespoon
full of salt; then beat together three ounces
of sugar, three ounces of butter and four
eggs add this to the -four and make stiff
batter, using warm milk in winter and
cold in summer bake in small tins.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

RINGBoNE.-The treatment Of rinRbone
IS, first, to apply wet bandages until the
Inflammation In reduced; then to apply
the following blister, viz: Twenty grains
each Of corrosive sublimate, 10 drops OF
muriatic acid. and ounce of oil Of tur-
pentine. This is spread over the part,
which must be protected by bandage and
the horse tied SO that he cannot reach it
with his teeth. When the blister has
drawn it must be washed eff carefully
with warm water and soap and clean
bandage spread with clean fresh lard tied
around the part. Firing is a remedy
which is to be used only by competent
person. 1t consists of touching the skin
lightly in lines short distance apart over
the ringbone, and has the counter-irritant
effect as blister, but more so. Rest 10
indispensable to a cure.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

APPLE BUTTER. apple butter is
excellent with cold meat. Use tart apples.
and to three pecks after they are peeled
ana quartered, allow nine pounds of
brown sugar and two gallons of water
Let the water come to boil. then add the
sugar; when it is dissolved put in the ap-
pies. Stir them constantly with a-large
wooden spoon. After they are soft let
them simmer until they are thick and do
not seem at all watery. If you wish to add
any spices you may do so. Cinnamon,
nutmeg and little ginger are liked BY
some people.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

PEPPER PoT.-Boil six pounds of tripe
for one hour, then take it from the water
in which it has boiled and put it in
fresh water with knuckle of veal.
Let these boil for two hours, then
put in some potatoes, onions, carrots lit
tie parsley, some celery, salt or stalks Of
celery, and any other herb or vegetable
your taste demands; plenty Of salt is es-
sential, and considerable black pepper
When the tripe is tender cut it in small
bits, and put it back in the kettle. Afte
removing the vegetables make nice era Wy
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02

RUSTY PEARs.-The rustiness which
sometimes appears upon the fruit indicates
some improper condition Of the soil and
unhealthfulness Of the pear trees. For in-
stance, Bartlett pear growing upon dry
ground produces smooth fruit, while one
in low place, where stands within three
feet of the surface, always produces rusty
fruit. There may be other causes. 1t
might be we'll to give dressing of salt to
to the trees; half peck of salt to be scat
tered over the ground six feet each way
from the tree so as to reach all the roots.
Lime and wood ashes, and also sulphate
of iron. about one pound to each tree,
widely spread, have been very useful to
pears. 1t would be advisable to try each
method upon few trees and note The re-
suits.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
4 U.AIM AGENCY.

4 V-A1M AGENCY.
The undersigned respectfully informs the citizens
of the City of Staunton and counties of Augusta
Rockir CHAN and Highl nd, that he has opened an
once In stanton for the collection of Gains. His
enables him to promise prompt collections and re-
turns He may be found at the Law Office of A. c.
sence, Mr. Gordon is authorized to receipt for any
claims left with him. All claims on which II is
found necessary to bring suit will be turned over to
reliable attorney. "
VIM. A. REED
REFERENCES A. Burnett, Clerk of County
GOGrt OF Augusta; samuel Paul Treasurer Angus
ia County; John w. Albogast, Sheriff Highland
county ON. John +. Massey, LIST Auditor: John
A. English: Baltimore, Nd. nr. Hamilton
risonburg; Thos. A. plsdsoe, Cashier National VA
Bank. "a
Rarli
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-11-02
ADVERTISING RATES

would appear to be merely resting their
cheek upon the hand that holds the ar
ticle, the conspcuousness would be moth
ing, and the comfort everything.