Smyrna times., 1883-03-21
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.


Boston Post. The smallness of this
number can easily be accounted for.
All the rest are generals.
Yes, l am very, very tired" re-
marked an overworked dressmakes,
but never mind, the penitential sea-
son is nearly over, and then 1 shall
have rest"
A Michigan man who has been found
innocent after twenty years confne-
ment in the State prison has been
graciOusly "pardoned." How thank
full he must feel.
An exchange speaks of the hotel of
the future" We cannot imagine what
a hotel in Paradise would be like un-
less it is place where you don't have
to fee the walters.
No, sir-ee," said farmer John en-
phatically, "no homypathy doctors for
me. When l die 1 don't want to be
lingerin' along for FIVE or six years;
want to GO off sudden.
Have physicians yet discovered
what malaria is?"-George Oh, yes;
it is the thing that makes man feel
like last years birds nest the morn
ing after big banquet.
Why is it that the greatest bellies
generally marry hOmely men Edith.
We don't know. Homely men gener-
ally seem to have a knack of making
money, but that can't be the reason.
The tariff 0n foreign paintings is now
so high that the only way French
artist can smuggle through one of his
paintings as an American work is to
put some clothes on his female figures.
Wendell Phillips says he doesn't
think Butler "can swallow Bunker
Hill monument" But then that is
only one mans opinion. You never
know what Ben Butler can do till he
tries
The average stay of servant girls in
families is less than seven weeks, TAX
ing the country over. After a girl
learns the house she thinks it is time
to leave and give some other girl
chance
The vigor with which some land
owners protest against having a rail
road run through their property is on
ly equalled by the vigor which they
howl for a station when the line gets
to running.
~ remarked a wise concert
goer as the performer of piano solo
was leaving the stage, "that fellow
can't play. Why he didn't wriggle his
body, nor throw back his head, nor
stick out his tongue Bit"
have three cats, and yet in spite of
this my house is overrun with mice.
l am afraid to use poison and cannot
bear to see the poor little things caught
in traps. What would you advise me
to do?-Clard. Move out.
f The Spuyten Duyvil disaster cost
: the New York Central So, 900 for those
who were killed, while of the injured
some got $4,000. Hereafter the New
York Central's motto will probably be:
"Let no injured man escape"
: Small ladies shake hands with great
:. er vigor than do the large ones. There
: is something about the small pressure
It of a lady's hand, or rather we should
It say the pressure of lady's small hand
b which we shall speak of hereafter.
Who is Professor Sumner ?-George.
A man who thinks it is great shame
:: to waste our time building mills when
; we might just as well buy our goods of
: England and, by devoting ourselves to
: agriculture, just beat the world on
- pumpkins.
le "How do you like my waffles?"
asked society belle of her guest.
Gould not be nicer" was the reply.
= "Did you really make these yourself?"
Y, "Oh, yes, indeed. read off the recipe
% to the cook and turned the patent
a -four sitter all by myself"
7 A poet says: "Oh, Summer land
of Oh, sunny South turn to thee! 1 ope
y my mouth and drink thy fragrance
OF once again" Fragrance in the sun
Of ny South costs about ten cents drink,
5. and its other name is Old Rye. That
Is, poet must have sold poem.
An exchange speaks of a man being
c. numbered with the silent dead" 1t
20 must be a great satisfaction to his
in friends to know that he is not number
ed with the noisy dead. The latter
position would be decidedly unpleas-
:, ant to quiet, orderly corpse.
Ill A school teacher asserts that scholars
ry who have access to newspapers at home
es outstrip those in their studies who do
or not see the papers, becoming better
ly readers and spoilers, better grammar
N ians, and write the best compositions,
ed besides learning geography and history
he quicker. Now is the time to subscribe.
Would not free trade make things
=, cheaper er?-DemOcrdt. Certainly; but
~ eheapness is not necessarily sign Of
prosperity. A Texan said not long ago
az once had a chance to buy the best
er, farm in Texas for a pair of boots. u
r, why under the sun didn't you take
itP" was asked. Because" said the
ar Texan, al hadn't the boots"
he The little daughter of the editor oi
VI the Tifin, Ohio, Daily Star was imme-
he diately and permanently relieved of a