The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-07-27
IL,
WHY WE LAUGH.

The chrome borrower will take trade
dollars at par.
Go West, young man, bu. not to 60 up
with the country and come back in cyclone
-Eastern Paper.
Boarding house logic: Whom the gods
love die young. The gods do not like spring g
! chickens.-Puck
If ever blind man feels happy over his
| affiction it is when a sight draft is presented
to him for payment.
The Boston Post pertinently suggests Gen.
Sherman as the proper man for Professor of
Irritation at West Point.
Why was it that Solomon and so many
thers", when they had from one to five hun
dred wives apiece.-Gourenour Herald
A subscrip tion-book publisher says that
ont of 900 book agents ne usually finds about
ten who are worth retaining after month 5
trial. We suppose that the other $50 became
too much crippled TO keep on working
Phil. Ne1cs,
Physicians say it is best to go in bathing
when you are hungry. This is all very we'll,
but man will be thought to have little re-
gard for the proprieties who goes into the
water with nothing on his stomach.-Somer-
rHe Journal.
The Philadelphia Ne,CS reports that Phil
adelphia saloon keeper is SO conscious
stricken over the number of lies told by his
customers when they go home that, in order
to enable them to tel! the truth, he has named
his place "The Lodge. ."-BliZzGrd.
Mamma" said Monson street four-year-
old miss, do the geese lay gooseberries ?"
" Oh, no, My child, they grow on trees"
Well, what are goose eggs, anyhow ?,
They are things, my dear, which the base
ball players make when they don't make any
thing.-SyrdcuSe Herald.
Nasby has returned to Bascom's and writes:
"a man with the alcohol disease in the
stumick, complicated with seven-up and pin
pool, is the sole property of the most con-
venent grocery. He can't git away from it.
A regler likker sloon with card table will
beet an American wife, family, church and
Sunday skoel. 1t is the one thing on earth
that hez supreme controle. ."-ToicdO Blade.
The mayor and alderman of Portland,
Maine, have just voted unto themselves free
admission to all places of amusement, and
will "wear badge of appropriate design"
so they may be recognized by the doorkcep
er. We would suggest the head of hog on
n coffin plate as being extremely appropriate
under the circumstances, Or, perhaps the
whole hog would be Decentralization
Hackeye.
What's the value of your personal prop
erty, old man ~ asked a. Tax Assayer OF a! a
negro. What yer wanter know dat fur ~
" So we'll know how much to make you pay"
my stufls dun paid fur, sab" Eyes, but
you'll have to pay taxes on your household
goods" ''Da taxed me enough in de fust
place, sah Amt agwine ter pay no mo-"
''If you don't you can't vote at the next cleo
toni" "All right Da don't count my vote
nohow. Go off somewhar and tax Il man fur
habin' de rheumatic"
The eclipse expedition has returned from
the South Sea. Prof. Swift was one of the
party, and the trip did not yield II single new
comet, but it settled the question that moth
ing exists inside of Mercury large enough to
be dignitiei with the name of planet" How
much this discovery is worth TO our Govern
would be not less than two dollars and half.
And how many comets escaped during Prof.
Swift'S absence will never be known.--Pcck's
SND