The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-03-24
BREAKING UP A LOVE MATCH.
DICK STEELE

1What's the deadliest drug you've got in stock r inquired young man with enough court plaster, lint, and cotton waste on his face and hands to clean up . locomotive ready for it's next run.
 Cant seif no poison to suicides said the clerk Been in fight"
 I'm no suicide, not much. Pm just the hveliest man in the city"
 Want to poison some rats, don't you ? That's an old racket that won't work in this emporium"
 No don't want to pizen rats. But if you've got any triple extract of strychnine or double concentrated essence of arsenic or three-ply fly paper soaked in corrosive subhmate, why want it. I'm laying for Eoas, young man. Ever see goat, a wild, untamed Rocky mountain goat with chin whiskers and pig-iron head?"
 little cart.
 70, you've seen tame goat harnessed to little red wagon, have you. we'll he aint the goat I'm laying for. Look at that ear. Big as six ears" Here the plastered youth limped around the end of the show case to exhibit his principal scars and body wounds See the ridge of that nose. Got to have silver br rdge put in there. See that eye? Getting back into it's socket somewhat, but last night it laid out on my cheek, and the doctor thought one while he couldn't persuade il to go back and sustain pleas ant relations with the other one. I've mashed one of the handsomest girls on the South Side, it's regular love match, and her fathers as rich as river mud, and he and are having regular fight over her. or was having that kind of a set to until he introduced this goat into the battle, and now its kind of three cor nered duel and so far ( goat IS ahead. That's what 1 want the dope for want to dose that goat with something that will make him lay down and gently k.ck his life away to the soft signing of the even ing breeze, something which will curl him up like dead leaf rattling in fence cor ner. The old man got a thoroughbred English bull dog when first commenced paying particular attention to ,kis daugh- ter, and it's many night I've let go of her hand and lir out over the gate partly because didn't have time to work the combination lock, and partly because wasn't acquainted with that branch of the family, the dog, bu, 1t wasn't many moons before l crept into that dogs af- fections, and he wouldn't bite me any quicker than he would the old man him. self. Well. the old gentleman go, onto the undue familiarity which he saw ex- isted between me and the dog. and when he couldn't sick him on 10 me any more. and saw with pain tha; the dog had rather outllved his usefulness, he sent the critter out into the country and got this goat on to the place, and there ain't no two ways about 1t one of us has got 10 die, and by crimus. don't feel as though it ought to be me, right in the prime of life and solid with the girl. The girls just as anxious as am to assassina;e the goat, as on one or two dirfcren, occasions the sportIve animal has boosted her up over the goosebery bushes and up the front steps quicker than she intended. You can't watch out for him. for he don't stay on the ground much and IS just as likely to come for you off the wood shed or the roof of the porch as he Is to sneak up m the rear and shoot you along the gravel path with your nose throwing sub soil like snow blow. I believe that goat crawls all over the outside of the house and climbs trees He has dropped me sometimes in my tenderest and most emotional moments-momenis .hen l was burning with eloquence and l had to lay there and kick and swear, knocked cut and paralysed- ay the old mans goat. Well. that goat will cal any thing from quail on ,oas, to |, weeks washing. and II you just do ne up couple of podnds of pure strycnane I'll invRc hum to picnic which w!.i shatter his nervous system and turn him into a ghost. VI -CA!edgo Cheek.