davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
A LOGICAL MAN.

"Gentlemen." said an Arkansaw tenn peranee lecturer. "l appear before you to-day for the purpose ofurging sobrie,y. Man was created sober which proves ,ha, it is his duty to remain in tha, condi- ,ion."
 Hold on. exclaimed an old fellow arising and addressing the speaker. You say that man was created sober. and that ii is his duty to remain in that oondi- tion ?"
 "les, sir"
 "Well. you ought to embrace the entire platform. Man was created naked, and. according to your belief, he should have remained so."
 My hearers" said the lecturer, "l am convinced that have not thoroughly canvassed this subject. You will please amuse yourselves while go out and take drink. with this philosophical gentle man."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
A SOCIAL SURPRISE.

:" In the life of every man is a time oi great as,onishmen,." said well knswn Arkansaw man. Il don't mean a sur prise of fear@but social as,onishment. Some time ago. was on railway train. returning from tnp to a distant city. when we'll dressed man approaoh he'd me and said am in need of money. sir. am thief al gaming, and have robbed many a man, but l am broke now. Ii you will lend me twenty-five dollars l will pay you when we reach ht,shurg. looked al the man for moment, and wondered wha, must be the state of his dsRfasiiy ,o voluntarily come .arwarS. and make such an acknowledgement. | risk my reputation that will return the money he continued, when he noticed my hesitation. T have never ye, failed to meet an obligation. Let me have the money. and l assure you that you will never resre, the loan
 Il was very much impressed with the earnestness of the man. and let him have the money. He kept aloof from me during the remainder of the trip, and saw bu, very little of him after granting him the favor. By the time we reached httsburg, had almost forgotten the affair so far as the money was con- cerEed. l walked around the town. and at night dropped into a church. Great goodness thought, as the minister ap- peared; he is the very man who con- tessed himself thief, and borrowed money from me lrcgarded him closely. and more than once wondered at his as- sumed air of humiliation. Several times
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
WHY IT WAS NOT CHANGED

An attempt was recently made to i change the name of county of South .irkansaw from Dorsey 10 De Soto.
 During earpet-bag rule in the State, the county of Dorsey was created in honor to the great star rou,er. and there was no complaint until recently. The attempt to change the name, however. was d failure. for the people, when ike time came, decided to move along in the old way. Al one time they were rife for change, and the revolution of feeling has something of history. Several of Dorsey's friends, seeing th 1t the last Arkansaw honor was about to be torn from Stephen, went down to the county and addressed the people Eel. low citizens said one of the friends. you don't seem to realize what disas- trous step you are about to take. This is now known as the grea, star route county. and will remain so until the nan.e is changed. By contract with the govern Ment. Dorsey has been granted the right of preserving the o!d stage coach dignity in this coumunlly. Ii you change the county's name, the dear old stages will be swept away, and the shrieking and distressing railroad engine will rush with heartless snort over your magniheen, woodlands, blasting the green grass and scorching the leaves. No more can your little children run out into the road and throw dust at the stage coach as it passes; no more will the clear notes of the horn arouse you from the dinner table to see the coach pass no more can you trade horses with the driver. Are you going to allow this: Do you want your country ruined: The great rail- road monopolies have captured nearly every county in the State, and bu, fer Dorseys steadfastness in the matter. you would now be in the iron clutches of the bond holders" There was an immediate revolution of opinion, insomuch ,ha, the people demanded that the old name be retained
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
A SLY JUDGE.

Judge ]opin was very angry when ke entered .he courtroom. He kicked iaw- yers dog and trod on oonstable's foo, in the blindness of his rage. No one un- ders,ood why the old man exhibited such II humor. He was known all over the country as a genial. whole-souled fellow. and the lawyers who made their living al his bar. looked ai the old man in sur prise. The Judge took his seat, and for a moment seemed to be revolving in his mind the wheel oi serious problem. Al las, he looked up and asked
 Does anybody chew tobacco in this couri-room No one replied. .- 1 mean does anybody in this courtroom chew to- baeco: The educated gentlemen who are present will please excuse my rhetor- ical error. Nobody chews tobacco: am much disappointed. did not want a chew. for do no, masticate the weed. have just been presented with some to- bacco. and. as do not want it myself. 1 desire To give is to some one who does want it,
 '' l chew. your honor" said a lawyer. whe. fearing that the Judge was begging, had hitherto refrained from making him self known.
 " Does any one else in the courtroom chew: asked the Judge
 :" l believe no,. said the lawyer.
 You are the only ore. then
 II think am
 - Well. want you. lust now IS came up the steps, quid oftobacco came down the stairway. and spa, !, took me over the eye. Iadopted this method sir. of detect ing the wretch. and am thankful to say that have caught him. Mir Constable. take him to jail. for further trial Is unnee- essary.' Let no one say tha: the laws of Arkansaw are not enforced
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
WANTED TO SUFFER.

A gentleman. while riding along a lonely road in Arkansaw. heard some one grooming, and turning aside. he saw a man standing near tree
 What's the matter. my friend =
 "oh, Lord. caught in bear trap. Go on away from here"
 '' Let me assis, in getting you out"
 ' oh, Lord Go on away. tell you
 Don, you wan, 10 get ou:
 l reckon do.'
 !" Then why won't you le, me help you:"
 Because set this trap here the other day, and man that ain, go, no more sense than to get caught in his own trap ought to suffer. I've been trappin' for thirty years, and this Is the first time that Eve acted the fool. Go on. stranger. for I'm going to worry along with this thing tell learn some,hin'. \ man that's as big fool as am. is dangerous ,o a com mrni,y. Oh. Lord .''
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
OVERWORK.

The health Journals are again discuss ing the question of overwork Numer. ous cases are cited where men who per form bran-work are completely crushed by continuous eNertion. and where school boys have ,o be taken from school or account ot excessive study. The New York SRn has bu, h,;le t.lth in ever. work, and ln the following. sets forth il. reasons:
 We continually hear good deal abou, men being overwo.ked. proies- sional men and public officers seenres- peoially 10 suffer from this affliction. and | deal of sympathy IS bestowed upon them. especially upon the professional men. The clergy are made much of when they are over~orked. Then the congregation raises a handsome sum and sends the poor. overworked man of to Europe to amuse himself. and he amuses himself very much indeed.
 We know good deal about work honest. square. steady. effective work but about overSork we have great deal of doubt. Generally speaking. when a man is said to be overworkeo. the truth is that he has been guilty of some excess which breaks down his strength. There may be cases in which there Is an excess of work, but of these cases there are ver, few indeed. The excess is in eating. Tn drinking, in neglect of exercise. or in some other mysterious way. 4 man of ordinary health can stand all the real work ,ha, he has to do. but the additional strain tha, he puts upon himself outside of work is more than he can bear. There IS no delusion more frequent or more absurd than this delusion of oyerwork. There is always excess in the case. no doubt. but not excess of labor. l, Is an excess of some other kind.
 There, of course. must be some founda- ton for the opinion that the brain of man is likely to fail ii too much work is inn posed upon it, and when the question is investigated from the outer walls to the inner closets. di sposition to slight work affects more brain machinery than the adherence to discharge of duty will be shown. Crowding the s,om- ach reaches the brain with unhealthful effect. and when a man. who has more stomach than brain, nils him. self up with shnmps. pickled oysters. and potato salad, and goes to work. he fails to accomplish his won,ed amour, of labor. Then, to aid digestion, he takes several drinks, only to find his uneasiness increased. He can't think. and he knows that his brain has been orer-taxed. No
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14

down. and had to shut of on expenses. My wife suggested that we economi1e on the gas bill; so bought bot of lamps. and we stopped using the gas-bumers. except in the parlor, when we had com pany. When the man with the lantcrn came around to look al the meter. I fairly kicked myself with joy to think how Il would astonish him.-R But Ii didn't
 The bill for that month was just as biz as il was the month before, and when I squealed there was the meter to back them up. couldn't get around that. Well. next month though; I'd experi- menL So l put the lamps away in the gaVrei. and used every gas-burner in tise house. Kept two chandeliers in the bed rooms going day and night, just for luck Bill tor that month just the same. Then thought might as wei br getting ali the good out of that meter that II would stand so told the gas company I'd like to have couple of chandeliers pu, in the stable tor the use of the hired man. They came and put them in. and that very day man came to fix up the meter. Said some of the meters were wearing out in- side, and had to have some of their driv- ing-mheels removed. or something of that sort The hired girl said that he took out ceg-wheel and put in a bigger one. and then wound |; up like an eight-day clock. Al the end of that month the bill was about twice as big as before. Aud yet we hadn't used any more gas, because the hired man ran away with the horse at the beginning of the month. and we hadn't any need to ligh, the stable up like ballroom.
 Well, that months bill settled me. you can just bet. tapped hole in the pipe leading to the barn, ran another pipe over 10 our next neighbor, and le, him have all the gas he wanted for ten per cent. of. Inside oftso months was supplying the whole square. and it didn't cost me cent more than il did to supply my house and stable. By this little scheme and by strict economy 1 have been enabled 10 amass handsome sum oi money. and as soon as you take this house of my hands I'm going to move into the big brick down on the corner. I'll turn this littie monopoly right over into your hands. Its little dangerous. but. if you've got the nerve, your gas needn cost you cent, as said at frs, and
 My gas isn't likely to cost me any thing, anyway.s said the stranger, inter rupting him for the tirs, tme
 Why: :"
 . Because, said the stranger. soi- emniy. :" i'm the new secretary of the gas company.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
Topnoody.
The Drummer.


 NIT. Topnoody walked into the kitchen the other night. when he came home, and al once ansrily said to his wife:
 :. My dear. did you tell MT. Brown that the greater part ci our family attended one of those detes,able donation par tes?"
 Il certainly did,- she replied.
 What did you do that for You know you were the only enc there from this house, and think you migh, have some regard for the truth, if you haven't any for me-
 Don't tell me lie, Topnoody.- - But, my dear, r."
 Shut up. l said the greater part ot this family was there, and meant just what said. l was there. and if ain, the greater par of this family, then this house is for sale. and am ready 10 lie down beneath the waving daisies-''
 Oh." stammered Mir. Topnoody, and be wen, back into the sitting-room and began reading Bax.er's Saints Rest
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
thought that he was looking at me, but

l thought that he was looking at me, but 1 would turn my head away, be- lieving that he was scoundrel, and unworthy Of my regard. A, one time thought of exposing him, but then thought of the disgrace tha, nigh; fall on family and desisued. Hepreached powerful sermon. full of pathetic elo- quence, and wondered how such an un- principled man could face such an intel ligent audience When the sermon was finished, sought the street. While was walking along some one tapped me on the shoulder. Turning l recognized my minister and the man who had borrowed money from me.
 ''I wish to explain something to you he said. "The other day, while travelling, Twas actually robbed. approached several men and told them that l was a preacher, and asked loan. promising tha, would refund the money. They peered at me. One man declared that Il was quite natural for good men to be robbed and wanted to know if had any other pieces of spare change that l wanted 10 throw away on trick. l did no, understand him and so expressed myself when he said, That's all right, podner. We are all on to your racket You are one of the boys, and having los; and failed to make raise in the usual way, want to work on the sympathy of the public. Why don't you come out and acknowledge that you are broken fakir. In tha, event, people would help you. but as it is, they know that you are trying to work game turned away in disgust and approached several other persons. did not have money enough to pay for the completion of my journey and did no, know what to do. everybody regarded me IS A sh arper, and finally went to you as broken gambler and thief. If had told you the truth, you would not have believed me As you were then situated. you w-uld have denounced me as an impostor. as- suming injured morality. bu, coming in a humiliated way, throwing myself upon your sympathies. even though. l declared myself to be thief appealed to your sympathy in manner that you could no, withstand. Here Is your money. am under many obligations to you. and am sorry that l had to play the gambler, which l did rather than disgrace myself. felt that l could make satisfactory ex- planation to you, and if there Is anything can do for you among the religious people. please jet me know"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
Advance al Your Peril.
Sun.

"N ell, was beat out of Q splendid evenings engagement. Sunday night" said the cigarette smoking young man. the young man with the well balanced mind, If parting his hair in the middle balances his mind. 1; was Monday even ing. and he was unburdening himself to the drug clerk.
 hat was the trouble,r said the drug clerk, as he took a bottle of perfumery and spirited some in his hair, and on his vest. Did some other fellow get to the girls house ahead of you:r
 No, but was stood of. You see, I went 10 the house, and the servant let me in. and was seated in the parlor. My girl came Tn the room. with woe depicted on every feature. She stood with her head down. her hands clasped in front of her. so tlghtthat the blood stopped circu- iating Tn her fingers, and she seemed ut terly crushed. It made me sick at heart to look al her. and l knew something dreadful had happened. go, up and started toward her. to take her in my arms. let her head rest on my bosom. and help her bear the burden that was evil dently killing her. but before l had ad- vanced two steps she held up her hand and shouted. " Back back Advance an- other step a, your peril.' stopped and tried to md out what was the matter. bu, she would not speak. Finally l started for her again. but she held up her hands again and said. Go. leave me. am no, strong. Go. and ,o-morrow will write you all We'll. went. Any gentleman would. under the circumstances. and all night dreamed tat she .as dying. and this morning l wen, 10 her house 10 see if there was crape or the door. tell you. Pills, have suf- feied more in the last eighteen hours than man ever suffered before. 1 could see Her laid out. and the hearse in front of tho house, and everything was as plain to me as though it had actually occurred. 1 have shadowed the post office all day, and l just go, this note, explaining it.
 Good heavens, she Is not dead" said the drug clerk, as he pounded some herbs in a mortar.
 No. she is alive. but 1 don't know what she meant by telling me she was no, strong. last night. She writes me that she had been eating onions for a cold That was the reason she told me to ad- vance one step at my peril. Why, Socld have discounted them onions. had been drinking beer and eating Linn berg cheese all the afternoon with the boys. al the poker rooms. and onions wouldn't have made a first payment on me. Just think wha, an evening missed by this confounded superstition about onions. Have cigarette, Pills and the young man with the well balanced mind pulled out case and treated his friend. and they sat and smoked in silence; until woman came in after bottle of castor oil.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14

one planes the brain of the average preacher for becoming tired. The con- temptation of the conventional dullness, the undisguised attempts to wave of and shut out every new philosophical impres- sion-all arc enough to impose hardships n the bran. The same thing. week after week. the preach that can not be prac- ,ieed, the lack of charity and the love of barbaric traditions. rather than the bright and God-rehecting light of to-daN can not keep mans mind from eventually becoming unsound.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14

:ssN ERNi. days ago, man with a lot N ros 'npes, came to Little Rock, and Asgan ,o exhibit drops of water. The ,,h".dcr was startled to sec, in one drop
 -i water. great snakes and sea-serpen,s. vo,hius it the mouth and flashing the -arfouading ocean into foam. The Ar i.ansaw man has never viewed water very critica'ly. and the knowledge that all of -Aese monsters inhabited every drop of e water that he drank, greatly startled :-,,A- A saloon keeper, noticing the in-
 'sessinns that the exhibition had made. ,S,d: Gentlemen, you have heard a great deal ab nut the impuri,y of whisky. hut defy any man to look into barrel vf ny liquor anu sec ,S many horned ,ra.s nd cross-cut saws as you cln see
 5 cn: drop of water. Can sensible men aepsis' in drinking such stuff: Does :Ae hrsnan family intend to continue to throw self away: In justice to your selves. gentlemen. you cannot afford 10 dnns water. Let the discovery serve a good purpose" Shortly afterwards. a committee of prohibitionists called on the exhibitor and said: We want you to leave this town, sir. Within the last Eve hours, three temperance organizations have been broken up, and the prospec- i've candidate for Governor. on the Pro- nbision ticket, has just been put into the ely prison, for drunkenness. Go on away. and exhibit your wild animals in a community where the temperance ques- sien is not under discussion We don't drink any water ourselves. and i, don't make any difference if the ordinary voter is poisoned by your sharks and alh- sators-that is, after the e'ection."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14
He Gave IL Away.
New York Daily News.


 Hewas trying. the Boston Snnfay Con- riey says. 10 sell the stranger his house and lot. and. after the prospective purchaser had wandered through the auto. and nosed around the kitchen. and poked into the closets, and rattled the windows. to see if they were tight. and sme,led of the ,istefn- aisE. ;o sss how much dead cat 1t would assay to the gallon. the owner of the property took him down into the cellar, which he had spen, all night in whitewashing. The meter, which was stuck up on sheli in one cor ner of the cellar. attracted the stranger $ attention.
 :" How much does your gas eos, you a year." asked he.
 The householder gave knowing wink. poked the stranger in the ribs and said
 "You don't look like a man who would give the thing away, and. seeing as you re going to buy the house. anyway, don, mind telling you. It don't cost me a cent
 "lt don',?" said the stranger. with ev- iden, surprise.
 No. not red" said the other: and it's all owing to little observation on my part as to the workings of that meter. there. I'll explain. You see, when first moved into this house. was doing a good business. and so had everything fixed up in tony style, chandeliers in ev- cry room ID the house, kitchen included. and other luxuries to correspond. But. after awhile, my business began to run
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-14

n, ,ueen of England, writing to the tSAN,Aw TRAvlLER says: Fearing z.'t - may be distressed in consequence
 " cent injuries. write to assure :1, size bcefsteak indeed had . etitl. Think of tumblng on the stair 'l out any direct aim and stopping
 .. there you didn't care to stop. At
 trends thought that was fatally
 afe ,ad some ten or fifteen doctors
 zee me. Think of what consti-
 Au,t have 10 withstand so many IL only took three or four doc
 5l your president. ust think of
 ,ou: My son, Albert. was very n. <. ited when he heard that l was Ara !ie was writing 1letter to Mrs. a s.ss |. the time. but he actually qui, id hu ed ;o my bedside Ina, boy IS 4. ,li t..n lie Il have to be King. hope r | h, politics of Arkansaw are moyiuc ; u right am very much inter stei I,i ,oar State. Several of my sub . . Se ;here. and ltruSt that you will see hey ire well supplied with peer Give 3; -espeets to your mayor. You keep e' hUher-shops closed on Sunday, .t cs,AHd. And, say. they tell me tha, si l,r SIate no man iS allowed 10 sell, eniy hy means of blind tiger whisky, ..thin tl,ree miles of church or school IRIS. Nnw. tell me how blind tiger q. 'c ne means of selling whisky. In .ae 'olosical garden here in London. s have uger that is blind. bu, don't sc a.n selling any whisky.