The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-04-20

WHY WE LAUGH.

BY the wav, has it occurred to any one that
Adam was Number One ?-S. y. Ne,1s
| "When the swallows homeward hy," the
| bartender rakes in the stamps.-Ne,c York
Netrs.
"A Woman of Few Words " has created
q sensation in New York This does not sur
prise It's. Such a woman would be sensa-
| tion anywhere.
Artificial eyes have Eeeu found among the
Egyptian mummieS. Artificial lies are an
old invention; but it is not polite to say so.
Mum is the word.-TFalscript.
BE respectful to every one, no matter what
his or her position may be in the world.
Never, for instance, ask your washerwoman
where she 'hangs out."-Earraie Graphic.
An illustration of stinginess is cited by an
Arkansas editor who knows a man who
talks through his nose to save the wear and
tear on his false teeth.-Ne,c Orleans Pea
gane.
Zip LAO Coon: Miss keokuk (pointing to
Hollis HolwOrthys favorite broDze): 80,
Mr. Holworthy, what are those poor men
doing all tangled up in the hose ?"-Harcard
LaEapoon.
Amateur theatricals have gone out of FASH
ion in New Orleans, as travelling combina-
tions have supplied their places in giving
performances as bad rs any audience can
stand.-N. Y. World.
The Tombstone Epitdph, OF Arizona tells of
dear little boy, who when told, upon his
first day at school, thas the first letter in the
alphabet was called "a" said to the school
ma'am: "How in hi do you know"
How much pleasanter this world would be
to live in were it az easy to 60 to bed at night
as 1t is to remain there in the morning, and
as easy to get up in the morning as il is to
talk OF getting up when you go to bed ?
Transcript
An ear for music: "Yes," said Henderson,
.'lve got quite an year for music" "You
have quite an ear, sure enough" said Fogg,
'but wasn't sure 1t was for music. didn't
know but it was intended for a windmill
Transcript.
1t is thought that building will be greatly
stimulated in Cincinnati this spring, enter
prising citizens contemplating running up
their wall story or two in order to place
thereon some marks where the recent high
water reached.
A book just published is entitled Glow to
Make $500 Yearly Profit with Twelve Hens"
During the past few years some persons have
asked such high price for eggs that an i'm
preston prevailed that they wanted to make
profit of $500 year with one hen.-Norris-
totcn Herald.
81 heerd yer old mudder was dead ?" said
Sam Johnsing to Gabe Snodgrass, a colored
citizen of Austin "Jes' so. She died las
week" WAS she sick long?" mo; she
jes' tuck sick one day an died de mex"
''Only sick one day De Lor why dat was
hardly wutf while."-Teras S.ftings.
Said the angry judge to the lawyer: "The
prisoner would steal horses, and | consider
you no better" And the lawyer said he flat
tered himself that he did know better, and
wished he could return the compliment with
Justice. And this was one of the most en-
ioyable incidents of the trial--for the audi
ence.
1t may be a base slander, but we have the
authority of the usually veracious Cleveland
Leader that the following are extracts from
ex-senator Tabor's autograph album:
/. "When you extract a pearl from men,
ory's casket think of Edmnnds."
2. "And the harbor bill il moaning"
Georgie +. HOdr.
3. who taught me to swing upon a cob
web'-Senator Tabor" -DaUy Davis.
4. "The Rose in red, the Violets Rlue,
The Grass is Green, and So are You"
-Georgie II. Peadieton.
3. $50 Days have September"
And no more has Mr.. Tabor.
Your Sendte-nnate, Hal. Da1ceS.
q. "Fare thee well, and if forever
Good enough" johnny Logan.