The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-04-29
SUNDAY MISCELLANY.
FUNNYSRAGs.

II knew poet hat sang offspring
says to myself saws l.,
Id grab his muse and I'd break her Wing,
says 10 my self, says y,
Tc chain him down to spike in the floor
Make him eat his meals through hole in the
Til he'd swear to sing of spring no more,
says to myself, says y.
One must get up early to beat carpet.
Board wanted" las the young lady said
when she came to mud puddle in the side
walk.
A fine fellow-the Judge MAN wants
out little here below il he has a scolding
wife.
Marriage is a lottery, but we nave not
heard that love letters are denied the
privilege of the mails.
Many man who thinks himselfa person
OF note is not SO far out of the way. lie
may be natural or q fiat.
The poets have always sung of the charms
ofCountry life; but VINO ever heard of can
ming mosquitoes for city use?
The modest young lady who turned all
co.ors' has given up the business, owing to
the multiplicity OF new shades.
Oscar Wlde's recent statement that he
feeds on himself, v reminds us that this is
about the right time year for eating
greens.
Ifyou ask a bald-headed man how he
would prefer to be upholstered, he'll likely
express desire for mo'-h on the top of
his head.
A man in Ohio has been in trance two
years. Should he rouse up about the year
1900 he will be surprised TO learn that the
stag.rOute trial No. . is still going on.
Ella is better looking" remarked Mrs.
De- ,,,,stk ;.I. th,,t I
married first" YES" chimed in her hus-
band, gimme Luci-ier matches every
time"
You ask what libel suit is. A libel
suit, my son, is where man paysa lawyer
Sl0,000in order to get 81 900 out of another
man who thought the first man was fool
and is now sure OF it.
family dialogue Johnny-"Ma, the
fish would bite this morning." Mao,
dear then you must keep away from the
creek" Johnny-"I wish | had sail
boat" Ma-"Ifyou had, it would soon be
for sale.'A
Trained powers of observation Art pre-.
tessor-"Gou have seen the cathedral at
Florence with your own ewes. | have not
been SO fortunate. What struck you as
most noteworthy in it?" Pupil-"A very
pretty English girl"
A Williamsport man went to bed the
other night with eyeslght as good as any
man; when he awoke he could not see the
least thing in the world. Come TO think of
IT, however, it would take u microscope to
do that.
Teacher" Can yon tell me which is
the oltactory organ 2" Pupil frankly
answers, No, sir" Teacher" Correct"
Pupil goes off in a brown study.
"A fellow must SOW his wild oats, you
know, exclaimed the old adolescent John.
Yes" replied Annie, butone shouldn't
begin sowing so soon after cradling.n
Professor Sattler, of Munich, has been
examining ancient things, ana has arrived
at the conclusion that the present year is
1855 instead of 1888. 1t doesn't make much
difference to us to have our age increased
five years in twinkling, as it were, but it
is going 10 ne mighty rough on actresses
who have been in their twenties for score
OF years.
There was good specimen OF Americna
wit in the reply made by the old settler,
who had lived in the CITY since ii was log
cabin or two, to the young man who was
putting him through Il course OF interroga-
tories:
You must have lived here long timer"
well, reckon"
N.Y. HoW loHE slllCc you came mere ~
young man. said the old settler, seiz-
ing the questioner by the coat lapel, "do
you see that hill across the river pointing
to lofty peak?'
Yes" said the other, IL do
We'll, kim here sir, when that was
nothin' but a hole in the ground
A Cleveland paper says that John Senter,
of that city, shot himself on the South Side.
map who can't come any nearer the cen
ter than that had better practice,
lew days since quite number of trav-
cling statesmen were sitting around the
bright fire OF Locust Groves best hotel,
when Mr.. Baldhead remarked:
Smith, how is that girl of yours gettin'
along now?n
(which one?" asked Smith.
The one you promised to marry, and
whose pa fired you out of the window"
At this all OF the boys laughed, as that
unpleasant incident was recalled to Smith.
That's all right returned Smith, after
he could be heard, al may go to see girls
and get fired out by the old man, but I've
never yet called on yonng lady and had
20 20 back to the rack get my hat and put
1t on before she could recognize me-