Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-09-25
Bangor Wing,
COURTHOUSE FUN.


Fun is very curious. It has been liken-
ed To the human race and face there is
family likeness among all the species,
but they all differ. The lawyers play
the dramatic parts-the role Of fun and
Righteousness is generally accorded to
witnesses. A legal friend furnishes for
our columns the following oddities. de-
scriptive Of character in the jury-box
"Some of the dates in this account are
not dated" said a witness. 1.-The lead
pipe led to the house," said another.
"Hells Bottom" describes bad place
in river. driving for logs. So that hell is
not everywhere regarded as "bottomless. y
A witness described hole in dam, las
big as hundred Of hay
In the woods. camp there is. known to
lumbermen. a cook, and an assistant
cook, called cook-ee. "Did Jones cook
that winter ?" was the question. ''No,
sir. He cook ICED, was the answer.
A witness had arrested man who had
stolen suit Of clothes from him, and the
prisoner had the clothes on when Arrest
ed. The witness without a warrant
transported the prisoner twenty miles
away. "Did you carry this man of
without a warrant :" said the indignant
attorney. "Wall, | took my own clothes
and he was in EN-" was the calm reply.
Poet Rogers once said Of his brother poet,
Wordsworth, to whom he loaned his
court dress, 81 sent my clothes to the
palace, and man in them"
A witness was asked, "How long have
you known this man PeakesT "Ev-
er since he peeked into this world" was
the reply. "You are q cheeky man for q
man without cheeks" said lswer to his
brother lawyer. who was possessed
Of sinews. but no flesh. "Not what
you recollect, sir. but tell US what
you know" said an ardent attorney on
cross. examing witness. "Now tell u.s."
said the same attorney, "about those
mares ankles" one mare only, being in
question.
Such phrases as these are odd, although
expressive, coming fro m the wi,ness-bo1
"a quantity of pure corruption" "Her
home was to-home at that time, -
"Neighborhoods Of foot long.
sickness was described as "a turn Of the
worms "-"Emblements of the carriage"
meaning fittings. "A gobler" for COB
let.-"Three years ago. last potato-iig-
ging time. Arranged" for srraigned.
III sloshed the barrel, to see how much
liquor it contained" said liquor police
man.-"Ofr and on now and then"
Behind his hind rump. Right away,
pretty soon, now" -"He made mung-
ling job of it."-"Dreadful near half past
seven. kind OF sgitated up."-"We
skun the OK. As soon as ] had my
mind up."-"I quicked my space" -
"My farm WAS universally fenced 1.-The
lumbe, vas badly sawed. just as has been
recommended here" u had an anxious
solicitude."
In libel for divorce, lawyer alleged
that the female libelant twas reduced to
great and neiessitous circumstances. and
that THAT libelee was destitute Of al aP.
parent moral obligation to support her.
Hibernians make their share Of the fun
One was asked II he was not in liquor on
q certain occasion. III had in me as lit
tie liquor Is ! could get along With" he
replied. Same witness said his mother
cleft the room in . displeasing mood"
and that "she could dress herself by great
attending" Another. asked II he had
no. been in the state-prison. said he had
been, "but vas honorsbly discharged
II received q pain in my heart" says .
female Hibernian.' "and it has stopped
there ever since, till the present time"
"Ths doctor cleared the room to give me
wind" said another. ~ was then old
or than she Was, and am now" answered
one. III did not frs at him at ILL.," said
one. "but I fred at squirrel in the op-
posite disposition
A Frenchman excused his not semem-
bering q name, saying. "The man had
some Irish name. you could not spell in
French"
A one-eyed man was described by
shoemaker, a., ga man with one eye
punched.
A boy who could hear, but not see,
some burglars driving away from house
at night, said be "Ared two shots of his
pistol at the noise" aH|
Don't you know where the Devils
half acre is, 10 Bangor said the county
attorney to . wItness from the country.
81 didn't know be had farm here"
says the witness.
sa;lo, who awore hs waa knock.