The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-03

would cause freckcs What harm would
it have been had there been freckled-
! faced nation2
Said doctor to a lady patient: You
must take exercise for your health, my
dear" -'"All right" she said; 'Tll
jump at the first offer" They were
married shortly afterwards.
What is virgin forestP'' asked an
auditor. ''Phwat is Il vairgin forest is
it We want to know A vairgin forest,
! sur, is one phwcre the hand of man has
niver set fut, bedad."
land what do you call thatPn asked
the inguisitive visitor, pointing to a mu-
tilated statue. That is torso" re-
piled the sculptor Him." muttered
| the visitor; "but how did it become tore
sop
! A man at u hotel fell the whole length
| of flight of stairs. Servants rushed to
pick him up. They asked him if he
was burt. NO" he replied t''not at
at all Pm used to coming down that
way. I'ni IA life-irsurance agent
Zone Of the Aides on the military staff
of the Governor of Ohio has wounded
| himself in the leo three different times
! while trying to draw his sword, bat he
is going to pcrsevere until he can coop
! er the proper style.
A man named Darrell lives in q town
i'll the western part of the state. His
friends say: eff you -four Darrell with
whisky he gets staving and hoops 'er up
so loudly that policeman chimes in and
heads him for the cooper some other
place of confinement y
A party of young men dined sumptu-
Dusty at restaurant and each one ill.,
sisted on paying the bill 70 decide the
matter it was proposed to blindfold the
, waiter, and the first one he caught
should pay the bill. He hasn't caught
any of them yet.
! An Illipois court has decided that 4
! Woman lie about her age doesn't viii
ate her insurance policy. The Judge
|, thought that if they expected a woman
! to tell the truth on that point they de.
l served to be swindled.
Said the owner OF the pottery works
in reply to question by Il visitor: mo,
we never have any work lost. If n dish
or cup comes out badly, so that it can
not be sold for the purpose for which it
is intended, we dispose of it for bric-a-
brac,'
Jones having invested III silver mine
is puzzled, He has been called upon
for an assessment to build works for re-
ducing the ore. He always thought the
object of mining was to increase the ore.
But Jones is not an expert and he don't
know much any way.
Some one pinned Il card CIV arrant-
ed Fresh to the cloak of u Chicago
woman, The other day, and she walked
j the streets Tor two hours with it. Now
her husband wants To give one hundred
( dollars FOR the name OF the miscreant
who did the advertising.
"Come here, my little fellow" said y
d gentleman to youngster OF five years,
while sitting in parlor where 4 large
company was assembled; lido you kna"
me?" "Ycth thir.'i ''Who am II
''Yon it'll the man who kithed mam,na
when papa was in Albany.
'!How 10 YOU feel, my littla man.
asked youth of his swcethear's little
brother. Thc yourg iiend looked up a
him sidenrise. aud with n grin respond
ed: II fnel Just as if,rd like to have :
dime" He got it, but his prospcctiv,
brothe!-n-law now avoids the health
question.
lie was lispiug drummer and had ;
pretty goodopinion Of himself. He sale
/ TO his partner at dance in Il town no
! fax from Boston. Il wanth youth Il
i ius5erstan' that I'm no ordinary wun
\ ner. | belong TO the firm of Jones 4
+ Thun. Nv father is Jones and I'm thee
!, Thun.n'
y "Protoplasn. remarked the Profes
+ sor. .'is composed of carbonic acid. wa
ter and ammonia. in which COMPOUND
the water largely prrdominates. IL
what conclusion does this lead| Ih'
, pupil was a boy and not easily stagger
y ed. He answered: at leads to the con
clusion that dad never takes any proto
plasm in his
A Southern three miles-an-hour rail
road has started chicken train. Hen
are gathered mp at way stations, ant
on reaching the terminus the egg
which they have laid while en- route ar
sold. BY this means people at the fur
Their end are kept supplied with fresI
eggs. BY the old plan they Away
spoiled.
! Eli Perkins and Soiourner Truth me
! the other day for the first time. Eli wa
quite overcome, and remarked: rs
possible that you have lived to be 10
years old and we never met before
Where could have been?'' ''Wanderin:
in paths where truth is never found,
D., reckonr pointedly returned the cen
O. tenarian.
!. 1t is now alleged that the rings see
on the section of y tree are no certain
4 indication of the are of the tree. IL
;. the same with the = on a girl ting
. ers-though when ner digits are gaE
% nished with half-a-dozen, the inferenc
is, that, although she may be 80 wear