National Republican., 1883-03-26

Than pretty face,
With q queeny grace,
Beneath charming Easter bonnet
ofall the things, when e'er they con it,
To make men modder,
There's nothing sadder
Than the awful bill
Too big to kill
For that expensive Easter bonnet
-C0mmerctai Advertiser.
THE now bonnet will not be accepted as an
Easter Offering. Some religion must go with 1t.
A Boston paper nominates John l.. Sullivan
for president in 1884. Quite good democratic
idea.
THIS is great day for hem fruit, and the
dealers n scarcely cackle-ate the lay Of land.--
Commercial Advertiser
A QUEEN should never be knock -kneed.-
Cincinnati, Enquirer Even a queens knee has
garter take things as they come.
IT IS singular thing but the most pleas
ing period of dentists life is when he looks down
in the mo th.-ROcheshr Pcs Express.
New YORK was more excited over the
royal sprain than London. But New York is al
ways more English than London Courier Jour
nal.
DR. Talmage lectured in Brooklyn the other
day on the eye. He said my friends my eye
wnks 80 900 times day" And this from clergy
mani
ROBERT BUCHANAN has produced a drama
called "Storm Beaten" The NeW Orleans Picd-
ytne suggests that he should dedicate 1t to Wig
gins.
NEW York has 2,749 more drinking places
than places where food is sold. According TO the
Lowell CWi=en, thus does modern enterprise keep
| pace with the demands of civilization.
personal" going the rounds of the
newspapers is to the effect that Mr.. J. g. Blaine,
jr Is now living at Exeter, n. IL. It's a great
| thing TO have q tather.-RocheSter Post Erpress
The gentlemen in ladies' clothing who as
sauted Lady Dixie spoke. she says. no brogue.
The lady. very likely, overheard one of them say
ing curry, AIRY, or Wen be late at olborn m
Courier Journal.
| BALTIMORE is very much excited over the
disappearance OF young man named Patterson.
| The fact that he was not cashier or Sunday
school superintendent makes the case doubly
alarming. g.-Rdnsas CITY journal.
ALL the honesty Of this world is not to be
| found In the rural districts. The New Orleans
Picdyune has found olt by sad experience that the
strawberry raiser Is as sharp as any other razor
when it comes to driving a keen bargain.
The Rev. Dr. S. +. Smith, who wrote "My
Country, Tis of Thee" has returned to Chicago
from o long tour through Europe, the East Indies.
and Burmah. Dr. Smith will probably be drawn
for juryman In u few days.-C Courier. Journal.
IREv. MR.. Cook thinks the American press
gives too little space to the discussion of the news
which 1t shows so much enterprise in collecting
For instance says the Boston Transcript, when one
makes the discovery that death and not breadth
ends probation he should discuss 1t In twenty or
thirty columns Of close nonpareil type and finally
come out of the same hole he went in at.
INFERIOR in intellectual ability to Webster,
| Clay, or Calhoun, says Ben: Perley Poore In the
April Century. Thomas Hart Benton had no su-
| perior as man Of iron will and naughty dispo-
sltion during the twenty. nine years and seven
months that he served continuously In the United
States senate. Mr.. Poore must have been present.
when Mr. Benton compelled the waiter to bring
IN the pic ahead Of the SOUP Courier. Journal.
AARON Lowe, of Hawkinsville, Georgia. has
taught Hock of chickens to fish for jack worms
with straws. This novel game Of jack straw is
played by the chickens providing themselves with
straws inserting them in holes where the worms
burrow, and inducing the worms to crawl inside
the straw. Mr. Lowe says 1t is a "real treat" to
see the chickens fish in that manner--and Aaron
ought 10 treat, too, every time he tells that yarn.
CLEVELAND is to have new music hall
with a seating capacity of 5000, and with this ad-
diton to her art we understand the town pro-
This way lies madness. Cleveland should stick
to her kerosene. OF petroleum and paraifine she
probably knows something, but when 1t comes TO
a matter OF music she could not possibly hope to
hold q candle for Cincinnati to sing by.-S0inesin-
gait Enquirer.
SINCE faro has been suppressed in St. Louis
poker has been all the rage, and 1t is now played
moro extensively han II ever was before. fair
estimate would show that at least 200 games
Ia. ,l.,hN
week, the big evening being Saturday. All classes
Of people play, and 1t is even limited that the
clergy sometimes seek the enchantment which
arises from drawing two pair and filling-,S. Louis
Post-Dispatch.
LADY Florence Dixie, it will be remem-
bered, Is the sister Of the eccentric Marquis OF
Queensbury, who rose In his seat to denounce GER
| tain portions of Mr. Tennyson's last play on the
flst night of Its presentation because 1t offended
his freethinking views Lady Florence also has
a sister, lady nearly forty, who married bakers
boy oftwenty-one, and now preSides at the bake
shop. The Queensburys are notorlously queer
lot.
DOES your tea contain any nutgalls, cur
rant leaves iron filings, Hlbert husks, sulphae OF
copper, oak bark, hornets nests and wasps' nests
shredded and colored, acetic acid, aloos, common
green paint, lead, descated doornats, peach
leaves, tarred rope ground 10 powder and soaked
IN sea water manila phpeII phhpoo ioaNes' Ner-
nal grass, ammonia, arsenic or stable sweepings
II 1t doesn't you haven't the genuine article, and
you'd better go and blow up your grocer.
The news from England announcing the
accident to Queen Victoria is very amusing The
dispatches announce that Mrs. Victim fell down
stairs and bumped her knee, This is followed by
a description ofthe intense excitement which pre-
vailed in London when the people heard her
majesty had met with an accident Business mon
closed their stores and repaired to their clubs to
await the news, huge crowds surrounded the bull
letn boards and parliament suspended work So
much excitement over such an insignificant acei-
dent is not explained until toward the end Of the
dispatch, when tho line is reached crowds OF
royal physicians surround her majesty" This at
once explains the intense anxiety Of the people.
The subjects OF her majesty nre, as rule, intei-
gent people, and they at once see the very small
chance she has with 80 many physicians attending
her. The lady is certainly In very imminent dam
ger. She should hasten TO fire the royal physi-
clans and put mud plaster on the bruise.-Kan.
sus Cty J0urnaL