News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-12-13
TERMS $3.50.


"Ah that is a very respectable occu-
patton; very respectable, indeed. Teach
the classics ?"
''N-n not exactly" said the youth;
"I'm musical tutor"
ga musical tutor Well, that is suf-
ficiently respectable. You may continue
your visits if my daughter is willing"
Two weeks later the young couple
were married, and the contiding father
discovered that his son in-law was no
more than member of an insignificant
orchestra with a salary of twelve dollars
a week.
"Why, confound you, he said, wrath
fully, "didn't you tell me you were a
tutor?'
$50 am 'tooter, replied the youth;
81 play the Fronch horn, and you should
just hear me footing"
The old gentleman concluded to make
the best of it.-SO0ocrUiYe Journal
THE GAs-METER MAN.
'I would not believe that man under
oath, " said witness, excitedly.
"Do you know him well ?" was asked.
"No; [ never spoke to him."
''Do you know that he ever broke an
oath?"
"WelI, no."
''Then why do you believe that his
testimony is unreliable?"
because he is the man that comes
around every month to inspect my gas
meter"
DIDN'T HIT HIM.
A tough old debtor in town near the
Hudson river entered a grocery the
other morning, and stood for a long time
looking at an exhibition of plug tobacco.
The grocer felt certain that the old man
wanted credit, and he determined to
head him Off He therefore observed:
"I have to sell that tobacco for cash
down p'
"You do, eh?"
eyes, sir. Tobacco is cash on the
nail"
"How's sugar?''
"That's cash."
''Tea and coffee? ?"
"Cash-all cash. Soap, molasses,
candles, kerosene, butter, lard, potatoes,
flour, rice, hams, .starch-all are spot
cash."
The old man stood and looked over the
stock for five minutes, and then heaved
long sigh, and replied:
"WeIl, Mr.. Waters, that don't hit me
worth a cent. wish to get trusted for
three dozen clothespins! !'
WHAT IT MEANT.
81 never saw a man who would pick
up his clothes and put them where they
belonged" growIed Mrs. Edsell as she
slammed her husbands pants across the
back of chair.
''And I never saw a woman who
wouldn't" replied his nibs, "and go
through all his pockets and sift out the
best parts of his money and read all his
meant on 'ii9 al 91nsiiiir;ance commpaanys g mem mem
orandum.
81 don't" said she.
''You do, said he, and as he lodged
the hair brush he ran into Jane with
both hands full of coffee and cups and
then went out to buy his breakfast at
some dining room.-Harttord Sunday |
Journal.
SHE WANTED FIGHTING COURT.
''Your Honor" soid middle-aged |
Irish woman to Justice Murray in the |
Harlem Police Court, "G come here
agin Mrs. HouIihan."
"What's the trouble?" asked Justice
Murray.
"Sure, Judge, 1 own wee bit of a
house on the rocks, near the Park, and !
it has two rooms, so it has. Well, one
of me rooms [ let's to Mrs. Houlihan,
and when I axed her for the rint diviI
clint did get"
'"That's an action for Civil Court"
ga Civil Court, did yer say, Judge ?
When woman throws stones through
me winder when [ AK her for me rint, is
that civil ?"
Decidedly not"
'Thin what do [ want wild a Civil
Court. Sure, I want me rint.
''You will have to go to the Civil
Court, my dear woman. I can do moth
ing for you. They will get your rent |
for you"
As the lady went away she remarked
''To the divil wild a Civil Court. Mrs.
HouIihan threw stones in me winder,
and sure it's the fghtin' court I want.
Truth.