The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-03-16

WHOLE NO. .714.
WHY WE LAUGH.

Beautiful scaling" cards-four kings and
an ace. .
The Boston Journal says "evidently Mac.
duff was Frenchman-Leon Macduf."
In Siam the people worship the elephant.
In this country they only want to see him.
Picayume.
The best fire escape is when your wife gets
up in the morning and makes it.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Patent medicines are now made of colored
fluids, pretty labels, newspaper advertising,
and faith, the latter being the curative prin-
ciple.-Hartford Post.
The need of the age Is not only stronger
nail, but also nail that can be driven by
woman. One with q head about the size of
a trade Wheeling Saturday Jour
nal.
"Pa," said little boy at the theater the
other night, 81 wish l would hurry up and
get baldheaded." "Why, son ?" "Because
then could always sit on the front row of
chairs."-Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Up to the present time the ground-hog is
the most successful weather prophet of the
year. The goose-bone ranks second and it
Is nip aud tuck between Virgins, Vennor,
and the muskrat for the third place.-Nor-
ristdpn Herald.
The travelled liar is now telling about the
terrible "man eating tree" of Nubia. We
never saw tree eat man up, but we have
known single tree to chase q horse five
miles and nobody could guess what might
have happened had 1t caught up with the
flying animal.-Hd,ckeye.
Ifyou want to find logician, 20 to your
tailor. The other day one of these fractions
Of the buanm family was overheard to re-
mark: 81 never ask gentleman for money"
aBut suppose he does not pay you?" "Well,
If he doesn't pay me within reasonable time
conclude he is no gentleman, and then /
ask him.--Ihe Judge.
For Ssle-A fine farm In the glorious new
Northwest. Take the train 10 Glacier juno
tion, then the overland bob-sled to Frozen
City, where snowshoes can be borrowed to
continue the journey. The location of the
farmhouse will be recognized by the Chin
ney smoke curling above the snowdrifts. |
Ring the bell on the trap-door near the
Ne,cs.
A bright little girl uptown had goldfish, |
which, as all the rest of them must do some |
time, died. She and her little brother took |
Tie usn ouI to Dury IL Win Quo ceremony,
and after 1t was covered beneath the sod, and |
. head-boar erected, the brother suggested |
that foot-board also be put up. "No," she |
said, 1--WE don't want a feot-board; fish |
hasn't feet, brother; fish has tails, and we |
want tail-board." The stall" board was |
put up, and the mourners went about the |
Drummer.
Rev. Murphy Wilson, an Austin divine, re-
Gently had occasion to visit Dallas, the CHI
cago of the Southwest. On arriving at Dali
las, Rev. Wilson asked the first gentleman
be met, who happened to be an alderman, If
he knew where Bishop Garret lived. "Never
heard Of such q man. lie don't keep sa-
loon, does he ?" '.Oh, no; but can you tell |
me where the Episcopal Church is ?" "Don't
know nothing about Church. There was q
man by that name here last fall, but he ran
off with another mans wife. I know less
about Church than the first fellow you men,
tiened, and never heard of him before; but
can show you where the best variety show
in the State is located, If that's the kind of
place YOU'RE looking for" responded the al
Siftings.