The Labor enquirer., 1883-01-20

i Il &. Z.
the count, when it is made on the
spot"
A soldier, when under fire In Egypt
for the first time, commenced strategi-
cal movement to the rear "You are a
wretched coward" said one of his com
panions. Possibly / am" replied the
retreating sage, "but I prefer being a
coward for five minutes to being corpse
for all time" zI,.. III,
A man with a big head approached a
doctor with complaint that Thanksgiv-
ing was fraud, since it always brought
a fellow an aw full headache and sour
taste in hemouth. ''And where" asked
the doctor, would my Thanksgiving
come in if it were not for you fellows
with your rackets?'
An old story is revived of prayer
meeting being held for a poor fellows
benefit who had broken leg. While
Deacon Brown was praying tall fellow
with an ox-goad knocked at the door,
saying: Father couldn't come, but sent
his prayers in the cart" They were po-
tatoes, beef, pork and corn.
Can you help me little?" said tramp,
poking his head into country shop.
"Why don't you help yourself?' said the
proprietor, angriIy. THANK you, l will" :"
said the tramp, as he pickded up Dutch
cheese aud two. loaves Of bread and dis
appeared like a streak Of lightning, fol-
lowed by half a dozen Jumps of coal.
Mrs. Yerger is one of the most extrav-
agaht women in Austin. On the recent
occasion of her husbands birthday she
presented him with an elegant pocket
book, saying: "Now, my dear, whenever
you take out this pocketbook think of
me-" "You bet [ will" he replied, with
vociferous heartiness that surprised
her.
A scientific journal heads an article ::
"Wanted-A substitute for leather"
From a careful reading of our para
graphic exchanges during the pastmOnth,
we concluded that many fathers have
adopted a cross dog as a substitute for
leather 1t goes right to the spot with
the same earnestness-if not a little
more 50.
At a country house where l was visit
ing a few years since, a stately major
domo, bearing the name Of MacMahon,
reigned over the cellar care you re
lation of the marshaIs?:" jokingly said a
friend who was with me. "No, sir" was
the grave reply; "the French president
is of our younger house; we are the Mac
Mahons of Clare :" Tableau.
Father, you are an awful brave man" l."
said a Detroit youth, as he smoothed
down the old mans gray locks How
do you know that, Willie?" "Oh, heard
some men down at the store say that you
killed thousands of soldiers during the
war" ME? Why, l was a beef con-
tractor for the army" "Yes, that's what
they said ~ explained young innocence,
as he slid for the kitchen.
In a spirit of profound resignation, and
making the best Of their troubles, two
newly-made widOwers met for the first
time after their aftiiction, to console each
other With deep sigh, one of them
said '"WelI may | bewail my loss, for |
had so few differences with my dear
wife, that the last day of my married life
was as happy as the first" "There l am
ahead of you, my friend" said the other,
"for the last day Of mine was happier" "
A young farmer who had been reading
book which stated that "woman is the
Sunday of man." thoug hit he would COM
pliment and please his wife by shouting
to her one morning "Daisy, you are
my Sunday" Daisy glared at him as
thoagh she imagined he was daft, and
then quietly said Dan, l may be your
Sunday, but Pm not going to give you
any rest until you buy me bonnet that's
fit to wear to church," Dan now keeps
his quotations to himself, but was COM
PEELED to get the headgear.
On the occasion Of Sarah Bernhardt's
return to London the Times said she
looked "worse and even thinner than
before" This reminds US of the German
who was conducting one of his
overtures. As the horns played too loud,
he told them repeatedly to play softer; ;