The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1883-11-29
Those HOrrid Breeches.

He was standing at the front door of a
business house, this man we met, and he
bore evidences of excitement and anxiety
upon his face. AS we approach him
he exclaims in an excited half-whisper:
"Heard the latest scandal?"
"Nop
"Why, man went home last night, got
in bed-laid there a while-wife took sud-
denly i'll and sent him for a doctor-put
on breeches in great haste-but when he
arrived at the doctors Office found that
hundred dollars in money in the pockets. -
At this point another man rushes up.
"Heard that breeches story?"
"Yes, when did it happen?"
"Oh, about week ago. l know the
parties, but daresn't tell names. Bound
to come out, thought"
Over ON the other corner woman
meets female friend. Both are excited
and out of breath. Heard about that
man gittin' on the wrong br"-- But
before she can finish, number two chimes
in with "heard about that woman glttin'
- "Oh," said number one, sits come
out-everybody knows it, only occurred
day before yesterday: tony people, toop
Live on Main Street." said number one
mo, live on Broadway Street" said num-
Der two.
Along comes sober, quiet man who
never listens to the tongue of scandal.
AS he comes up there are signs of unusu-
al emotions within him. "Purty rough
story about that mans breeches, wasn't
it? Man got on the wrong breeches, and
found two hundred dollars in the pockets
Both parties highly respected. Know
them both, but daresn't give names
Bound to come out, though"
We become tired of these breechy sto-
ries, and start off with friend. We talk
of the Indian Summer, the new time, the
second amendment, and the political muir
ders in Virginia He listens attentively; ;
we think we have struck up pleasant
and interesting conversation. Suddenly,
just as we are expecting to hear an inter-
esting remark, he exclaims:
"Well, I'll be dogged if that breeches
story don't git away with me-both par
ties tony-occurred more'n five weeks ago,
but jist come outp'
A man tells us he went home rejoicing
that his family had never been permitted
to hear the silly scandal that was floating
about town. In this serene state of mind
he retires to rest, but as he enters his
sleeping apartment, rejoicing that his
dear companion has remained at home in
blssful ignorance of these cruel stories
that are intended to blight somebody's
happiness, he is greeted with the sleepy
injunction:
"Please lay your breeches where you
can be sure and find them, DEAR in case
anything should happenY'
And so it happens that every man is
eyeing with suspicion every other mans
clothing. Everybody is wondering who
the man was who hid under the bed and
left his pants to be taken possession of by
the injured husband. The story goes on
its rounds with many embellishments and
variations. Everybody knows it, yet no
body knows it. About the only possible
semblance of truth likely to be contained
in the rumor is that some poor devil may
have hid in bed until the only pair of
breeches he had were washed, and thus
started the great scandal-when he, in
his extremity, never dreamed of the bare
possibility of such thing. Human curl
osity feeds upon scandal. 1t seems to act
upon the mind much as fertilizer does
upon the vegetable world-to bring some
good out of its nastiness if we but absorb
its strengthening qualities, its lessons, it's
warnings. We believe it may be safely
said that every man in Jackson owns his
own breeches- provided he has paid for
them.