The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-06-06


will make an American girl know too
much to sing in church. and too little to
be useful IN opera.
You say your brother is younger than
you, yet he looks much older. v Yes.
he has seen great deal of trouble; but
| never married"
Women do not marry for love, or
money, or dry goods Theymarry in the
hope that they may have Spring house
cleaning to do.
Jeems says his boarding house is too
slow. He told the old lady yesterday
that hereafter he'd like to dynamite
earlier.
Now get up and dancel We hasten to
advise all laughers and photographers
that iulep-straw is certainly horn
pipe.
Glass shingles are now being made in
Pittsburg, They are very handy for the
mother, as she can jast see how it tells
on the boy.
The newest and finest bridge in Pitts
burg is receiving coat of sky-blue
paint. A bridge, to be solid, OF course
ought to be azure thing.
A North Carolina trout dragged boy
under water. The man who saw the
catastrophe shows the rescued boy and
the water in evidence.
The truth is mighty and will prevail,
although it has more than once been
twisted so that GeorgeWashington would
not know it!
No matter how hard it is to find
rocking chair during the day, man is
sure 90 fall over one when he is in search
OF the MATCHBOX after dark
We are told that the fool and his mon
ey were soon parted; bat the fool
must have had money to be parted1rom
Score one for the fool,
According to the Lowell Citizen de
Texas meteor goes on record as the
largest that never fell in the Undted
States.
A young Nebraska farmer refused to
marry his beTothed because she used
powder, He evidently thought it unsafe
to have match where there was SO
much powder,
A scientist says that discord struck
violently on piano will Kill lizard II
may be, but one cant always get a pi-
ano so easily as he can grab stick,
which is just as good
Never engage in anything you would
not open with prayer, said strict
orthodox preacher He did not say
what he would do with dozen Of oys-
tiers.
1t has been asserted that Young lady
who had been ''forSaken by her lover
was like cut-lass" Evidently the lover
wanted to sabre from an unhappy mar
rlage.
In New York CITY 10000 women
maintain themselves, and many of their
husbands, by their own labor. New
York must be the headquarters OF the
great American tramp.
OF great men always before the pub
lie, the letters passing to and fro should
be burned; at least each Spring when
the time for house-cleaning has fully
come.
Conversation; You say that Snaggs
won't pay you that note? Is he embar-
We'll, he won't pay the note;
says he cant, but he didn tseem to be
dun bit embarrassed! Never saw such
cheek
Georgia boasts of devout citizen IS
years old, whose father was l0l when he
was born. Both father aud son were
habitual goober-eaters from their in
fancy, which speaks volumes for that
juicy berry.
80 Jack has strained himself train
ing for the double scull race?' said
Harvard boy to his chum on the float.
Yes, Jack never was very strong. -
'And now. chimed in the first speaker,
''now he's row-bust
One shoe factory in Lynn, Mass. gives
employment to Thirty divorced women.
In the interchange of their experience
time must fly rapidly. The female shoe
makers should, at least, stick to her last
husband
A writer on farming, in the cold
North, says eggs should he gathered
twice a day in winter If they could
be they might be cheaper The average
farmer boy is lucky if he can gather an
egg once day
The latest novelty among society
damsels in New York is complexion
dogs" No girl will now appear ON
the street with a dog that does not
match her complexion. This explains
why yellow dogs are so fashionable
Il hate grammar awful. " remarkeda
young lady to whom something had been
said regarding that study. "DoyonP' re-
P!ied an elderly matron;" no doubt you
will like it better when You become ac-
quainted with it.
The New York Graphic prints PIC
ture of the Emperor and Empress of
Austria washing the feet of the poor. y
If that is one of the duties we shall
never go to Austria and run for Entper
or.-NorY9StOWn Herald.
A noted dude" has died in Philadel-
phia He was baboon in the Geologic
al Garden. His pastures and gait were
exactly like the current American imi-
tation of the London swells and he show
ed Just about enough intelligence to
complete the business.
The delicate way for widow, who
marries the brother of her first husband,
to allude to her first consort rs always
to speak of him as my deceased brother
in-law," if any one stumbles on his
picture in an album and wants to know
whose likeness it is.
A circus "aple recently to Modesto,
Cal, and the editor of the Strambuck,
in writing of the performance, said that
s'as we had TO go to press early in the
evening in order to attend, we can say
nothing regarding its merits until next
issue
''Shall we wear a silk hatP" was the
subject OF lecture by a Brooklyn divine
recently Yes, sir, if it is becoming to
you. But we imagine that a minister
who would choose such a subject to lee
ture upon might look betterin one of the
pancake style
A human skeleton can now be bought
for $25. At this price it hardly pays a