National Republican., 1883-08-06

Nobody owns him and nobody cares
mere dead "rom, and who mourns for thatf
All! cat life is the saddest life anywheres,
If he is city cat
Cat A. Line.
WASHINGTON, Aug. 3.
"A STRIKE for revofue only" is the opera
tors battle cry.
THE high license law is so strict in Kansas
City, Mo-, that the people have to cross over into
prohibition Kansas to get drink
A BROOKLYN man asked his wife to COM
nit suicide just as a matter of accommodation.
and the good, obliging soul, did so.
ITO THINK that he should strike and be
earning no money aud right in the ice cream sea-
son. too Oh its too bad 7tlegraphers Best
Girl.
New YORK young woman went around
the dog show and kissed all the pups The next
buss her lover got must have been one that will
linger on his memory for all time.
AHA! 1t is out at last Prince Bismarck
is pasNonatsy fond of the American watermelon.
This is the foundation of all the trouble he has
had with his royal and distinguished stomach.
The cost of stopping q train of cars is said
to be from forty to sixty cents But 1t wouldn't do
any good to hold up half dollar to Il brakeman
on the rear end of train yon have just missed as
1t goes out of the depot.-LotUeR Citizen.
A SOUTHERN Indiana man claims to have
killed snake eighteen feet nine inches in length.
With nothing but the sluggish Ohio river sepaIat-
ing his locality from Kentucky 1t really seems
that he could get hold of better brand of whisky
if he would only try.
A WOMAN at Akron, Ohio, who had been
married four times, was asked "When are you
going to be married again?" Never? l shall
always remain single. ! hate man." was her
reply. She is entirely too hasty. She should give
our downtrodden sex a fair trial before giving up.
EMERSON said "all healthy things are
sweet-tempered." So we are invited to believe
that when robust bulldog eats chunks out of us,
he is simply exhibiting sweet canine tempera-
ment and is overfowing with innocent mirth at
our expense. Mr.. Emerson died none too soon.-
Post-ErpreSs.
WHEN you see the announcement of
poets writings, containing poems never before
included in any of his works." you may accept it
as sure sign that the poet is dead; and upon
reading the new matter you not surprised that
1t was never before printed in any of his works.
NorristoWn Herald
MRS LANGTRY says she is going to write
book on her impressions of the United States If
Anthony Comstock wasn't so alfred solictous for
the morals of this country, some one could write
book on his impressions of Mrs. LangtTy that
would cause a tidal wave of interest to roll from
Maine TO CalifOrnia.-BiSmdrck Tribune.
The "imperence" of young women in
these revolutionary days is growing intolerable.
Last winter young woman applied for admission
to Prof. Huxleys biological lectures at South Ken
sington. The men objected, but she gained her
point. At the recent examination she carried Off
the honors against 26O male competitors.
THE New York Mail and Express says that
"the production of beer in the United States last
year amounted to ten and one half gallons for
every man, woman, and child in the country"
and the Rochester Post Express thinks that ten and
one-half gallons of beer for every child is a sad
commentary on the growing evil of ofintemperance
A coNUNDRUM constructor, whose name is
unknown to fame, has found out by experience
the difference between sweetheart and wife is
almost akin to the difference between gold
headed cane and wart on your nose. You carry
the one around with you because you like to, and
the other because you've got to-NeW York Com
| zaerciat advertiser.
BIsMARcKER went fishing yesterday and
when he returned frankly stated that he didn't
get a dad-blamed nbbe. We may be addicted to
| sinfulness out here; we may swear at opportune
moments and shake dice for the seltzer and in the
hurry and rush of booming business forget to go
10 church, but, brethren, we won't lie about fish
| ing.-Btsmdrck Tribune.
| oNSt upOu d tiLiO WuCH u BT6db uOOu bWepb
down the Missouri settler released his hogs from
their pen and drove them to higher ground. When
| he returned to rescue his wife and children he
| found that they had been swept away by the food
| After gazing upon the scene moment he re. .
marked to a neighbor; "Well an all-wse ProvI
dence has left me prime lot o pork, anyhow"
The Country Gentleman recommends the use
of the English ivy to cover the bare ground under
the trees where grass will not grow. As 1t can de-
rive but little nourishment close to the trunks OF
the trees the holes for the reception of ths plants
| should be dug outside of the dip of the principal
branches; and TO procure quick and satisfactory
carpet they should be set within four or five feet
| Of each other.
THURLow WEED notes in his memoirs that
when he lived in small town in Onondaga
county during the war of 1872. is, certain young
| lady named Theodosia Wattles made herself ex-
cessively obnoxious to all the women of the coun-
try round about by dressing up' on week d4y
afternoons in her sunday clothes. Miss Wattles
was universally denounced by 'sassiety" in that
day as stuck up thing"
p. I. BARNUM was recently at Crawford's,
the White mountains One day he went to the
top of Mount Washington, The view from the
mountain that afternoon CHANGED to be glorious.
The Snowman was deeply impressed. farming to
a friend he said: 'I'm going to send a telegram" ="
He turned back. and ut the first opportunity tele-
graphed to friend: 81 am at the top of Mount
Washington. 1t is the second greatest show on
earth"
"FoR fifty-four years / was an inveterate
cigar smoker" says Thurow Weed in his autobiog
raphy, though never using tobacco in any other
form. During that period learn, by a somewhat
careful computation. that have smoked or given
to friends al least eighty thousand cigars" Here
is a chance for the instructive Judge Boompointer.
Eighty thousand cigars at five cents each is 81 900
Think how many buns and flowers for poor sick
women that would have bought. 4. S. Arthur
will certainly write another novel on this text.
A YOUNG lady in the rural districts, says
the Boston Post, wrote to us asking advice about
having dress made. Now we didn't know wha
10 say. But we wanted to accommodate her, SC
we got fashion magazine copied description
of u dress, and sent it to her Yesterday the
queerest creature you ever saw bounced into oul
Office. 'Do you see this dress g' she demanded
D "This is the thing you advised me to make. I've
worn IL here u let You see IT, look at it," Then
0 she went on She had caused the dress to be made
8 up, worn It to the city, expected TO be right in
style, and found it TO be terror. Investigation
showed that the magazine was of1SlT,