Smyrna times., 1883-03-07
WHOLE NO. l,443.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS

wagner kept four grand pianos in
his house and yet never made half so
much racket as school girl with a
new cabinet organ.
Bostons yellow-haired girls always
order chocolate ice cream because the
color harmOnizes SO beautifully with
the color of their locks.
Nearly all the New York Cinnamon
who become Christians join the Baptist
church, and it is just as well that they
do. A bath won't hurt them.
II is not the tax ON tobacco, but the
thought that man has to pay big
tax every time he smokes cabbage
leaves that causes the discomfort
Mr.. Howell says he would rather
write for the atlantic than cross it.
No doubt. During the last five years
2O,763 persons have perished at sea.
Rabbit hunting by moonlight is now
fashionable sport in some parts of
Illinois. 1t does not hurt the wild
rabbits much, but it is death to tame
cats.
Heard in the West This is a very
handsome hotel, but l don't see any
precautions against fire." "No, we
don't need 'em. The property is in
sured."
Eggs are becoming so scarce that we
may soon expect to see the honest
grOcers advertising Easter eggs are
being brought forward last years, of
course"
Considering the activity of the glu-
cose industry the following might be
an appropriate inscription for brew
cry door: Who enters here leaves
hops behind"
New Jersey has 6,624 United States
pensioners, and they draw nearly $780,
600 year. The heroism of New Jer-
seymen in facing pension agents is
something dazzling.
A Delaware paper says it is too early
yet to decide whether the peach crop
has been killed or not Thank fortune
} we may revel in the pleasure of hope
, for few weeks longer.
Heard in the suburbs: Are YOU
going to keep your brickyard running
this season ?" "No; think will put
a bay window in the kiln and advertise
for Summer boarders."
5 Jay Gould says he is not a stock
e operator. But he wouldn't have folks
a plainly call him a theft, would he?
+ Must call him something, and the
r former lets him down kind of easy.
There is no crime a man can COM
NIT, the punishment for which he is so
certain to escape as murder, and no
crime for which punishment is so swift
and sure as stealing loaf of bread.
A young woman in Arden, ILL.,, erazed
e by religion, imagines herself an angel.
n That's common form of insanity in
these parts, but it is usually brought
on by five or six durn fools bothering
. round the girl.
d st. Louis girls who go to cooking
d schools won't permit their names to be
e known. They are afraid that when
E. their lovers find it out they will want
IS to marry right off, and then they can't
1t have any more fun.
= Hereafter no patent medicine can be
= sold in Italy unless the precise cOmpo-
, sition of it is stated. This will be
severe blow at certain manufacturers
" who charge $1.25 bottle for three
cents worth of fluid.
te A New York man was SO enraptured
a with lady at fancy ball that he
as offered her 500 to unmask. She ac-
m cepted the money saying, Now your
is wife can pay the servant girls back
a wages" 1t was his mother-in-law.
During January over 10000 cases of
= champagne were imported by New
: York houses. We get this interesting
Q fact from the owner of one of the big
gest apple orchards and most extern
sive chemical works in New Jersey.
Nv If man is descended from the mon
es key how does it happen that mans
IL, arms are so much shorter than a
is monkeys ?-Sudeat. Because a mon
ut keys arms have had no chance to
a become short. Female monkeys don't
ng lace.
- The English sparrow is said to be
- excellent on toast. With a good mi
- crOscope the epicure can see to stick
90 his fork into a nicely Drowned sparrow,
and with a new instrument to be
BE known as a tasteograph, he can ascer-
III tain that he has something in his
lin mouth.
ds
~ A woman lay three days in a trance
80 at Big Rapids, Mich. On recovering
:. she believed that she had died and
or come to life as another person. This
II delusion cannot be dispelled, though in
7 other respect she is sane. And her
husband will be to all the trouble and
expense of courting her over again.
~ "a The building of the tower of. Babel
~ s was as orderly as a Quaker meeting,
- ~ compared with the hubbub and mud
~ die in Congress over the. tariff bills
'Au BOstoa Herald. Babel builders had
~ uA' One great advantage, however.
no Although they could not understand
s '1se each other they all knew just what
Inc they wanted to do. .. euioaa
nix