Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-05-20
RHGGGrRR RARS.
"A Buriesque Word is Often MS hty
keYmOu,"


Sermon"
Oss OF our exchanges says that II wants
the outside world TO unders tand that West
Virginia has q future. We suppose 90.
We don't expect West Virginia to linger
in the moonlight Of the present
SUICIDE among rejected lovers in New
York has becoms epidemic in its worst
form. The young ladies can thank heaven
for this. The foolkiller did NOT do his
work properly this year. and 1t is working
itself.
"BETrINI's" turkey racket didn't work
worth cent on the patent medicine mans
daughter, and the italian mascotte now lies
in New York hospital celebrating on the
folly of mans running bullets through his
body to spite girl because she said no"
CHAs. A. DANA and Roscoe Conkling at
tended the MitcheliSulliyan sluggins
match. We are surprised at Dana's ac-
rions, but the big political bully must have
glisteued with delight to see his pugllistc
Stslyart friend knock stars out of the lit
tie Henglshman.
The United States generally take the
lead in everything, and until few days
ago stood pre-eminent and alone. We
make our bow and hand our crank medal
10 Canada, as was illustrated few days
ago when nude Canadian parslyzed the
community of Cory by parading the streets.
This is carrying Oscar Wildeism too far.
"Oua ticket sgent must take me for q
base ball catcher, the way he throwed
ticket and my change at me the other day,
SAYS our Steubenville correspondent lou
can be thankful that you get off that
easy, and We suggest that you
show your gratitude for not being taken
for a professional league team or a cow
catcher OF an engine.
OUR Salvation Army parading the streets
the other night were headed by drum
corps, and the members carried torchiights.
The drum corps played The Girl Left
Behind Me-" just after the choristers
had rendered Salvation Free. For AL
We cant see how the two can consistently
work together in the cause Of Christianity.
Consistency, thou art Jewel, even in
mans salvation.
ST. Joux, OF Kansas, iectured at New
Castle, Pa, the other evening to crowded
house. A report OF the gathering says he
talked an hour and half, and didn't say
anything. That's about as much as he said
when he was elected p Mayor OF Leaven-
worth. First he wanted life Lease on the
Goyernorship of Kansas then he wanted
to be elected United States Senator, had
his eye on the presidency, and finally
concluded to head the ticket for chief bur
CESS Of a small village in Kansas, and was
defeated. How easily some men are
pleased.
PENNSYLVANIA has a town called "Passa-
chunk" This beautiful name IS very fire.
qutntly ant fOndly repeated at the rail-
road restaurant Of the Decentralization
Free Press.
Thy Wilmington newspapers showed
great lack II enterprise by not getting by
personal interview Mrs. langtry's opinion
OF the condition of the Delaware peach
crop MiddlGtOwn Transcript.
WHEN one gentleman at a boarding
house table asks another, what are straw
berries, anyway in tone OF voice loud
enough for the landlady TO hear. its easy
to guess what it means.-Bost"n Post.
The new palace car of the Prince of
Wales contains two bedrooms. This is to
enable the Prince to have place TO rest
himself while the regular bed is being
made.-Philadelp Evening News.
LEAVES have their time to fall" all ex-
cept tobacco leaves. Every time there is
any change i'll them they go up. The to-
baCconists are now preparing to advance
the tive-cent cigar to the ten.cent counter
on the plea that the sudden removal Of the
tax let everything in the trade bound up.
Harrington Hawkeye.
II every tree is known by its fruit, what
kind of fruit does an axle-tree bear?-Bos-
ton Transcript We saw two trees OF this
kind going through the streets yesterday,
which bore four barrels of apples and two
bags of potatoes. Two hours later we saw
the same trees bearing two gallons Of
moasses, six pounds OF brown sugar,
sack of Hour, booty farmer and Jug OF
old rye.-Whitehall Times.
TIE Pittsburgh Telegraph finds that as
the weather grows warmer the subject OF
underclothing suggests itself. Are We to
understand from this that q PittSburgher
puts on a suit of undertaking in the fall
and then forgets all about il until hot
weather?-Rocheste Post Express. Not at
all. 1t merely means that the first swims
wash the old SCOT of and then q new suit
becomes neCessary.-Philadelph Evening
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