Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-04-12
WIT AND HuMOR.

blowout when he Is crowned.
The active drummer may be regarded
as a commercial scenter,
Is taking ground against man the
same thing as throwing mud at him9
Bacon says, "Reading makes a full
man So does eating, Bacon.
Italian music is fine because it is
ground so much ON the streets
Il won't be whipped by any man ex-
cept my husband, said a Boston wo-
man, and she shot the fellow who was
breaking that rule.
A young married lady of New York
ate SO much terrapin that she couldn'
get home. He now calls her his turtle
dove
Fifteen widows live on 100 rods of a
Montpelier, VT, street. The unmarried
men of the place are demanding that
the locality be tagged.
One cannot be too careful this wealth
err A swell exchanged his heavy win
ter cane for light bamboo, and caught
severe cold that laid him up for a
week
A would-be musical sharp, after list
ening to a solo ON the cornet by a cele-
.brated performer, turned to his neigh
Dor and asked: ''What is that air out
of?' "Out of the bugle, of course. Do
you think it comes out of his nose9"
The movement in the east to abolish
the vest has petered out. When a man
takes off his coat at a Sunday
picnic to ladle out the ice cream, he
wants something between the public
and the knots in his suspenders
Some heartless wretch caught two
cats, tied them by the tails, and flung
them into the cellar of church The
residents of the vicinity heard the noise
the animals made, but thought it was
the choir rehearsing.
You can buy grapes and pears in win
ter, but the small boy will not feel hap
Ply until he can 90 out with his skates
on and buy green apples on the street
that win bend him like an alligator in
side of half an hour.
A Chicago woman says she has
walked the streets OF that city time and
again at two O'Clock in the morning
without being addressed She doubt
less wore Il scowl which indicated that
she was cunning for her husband.
The mounds of Arkansas are filled
with curious pottery, and the fact that
numerous jugs are found proves that
the former inhabitants of this country
were the first to start the prohibition
movement.
A Boston woman has Just completed
a $40. 600 mansion entirely out of the
proceeds from the sale of doughnuts
Our slangy contributor thinks she must
have had the kind of customers that
took the cake"
A scientific writer says that low
forehead does not ALWAYS indicate ig-
norance. Neither does a high forehead
denote knowledge Many man whose
forehead extends clear over to the back
of his head does not know enough to
pull down his vest.
A German statistician estimates that
5000, 600 rats were drowned by the late
floods in that country. Over here if a
man works for two weeks with dollar
trap and pound of cheese 10 catch one
poor old rodent, he brags over it as if
he had won horse race.
care YOU a member of the legislature,
sir?" was asked of quiet Arkansas
man. mo, ! have come here TO take a
place in another department of the
State government and am waiting to be
sworn in" "Clerkship?" "No, ! have
been sentenced to the penitentary.
An Illinois man boxed his wife's ears
for investing - in lottery ticket She
went home to her ma and her ticket
drew $1,000. aud the husband will give
anybody horse and two COWS to con-
vince her that he was only in fun when
he made her ears ring.
A hen-pecked husband read an ac-
count of an Illinois clergyman who
dropped dead as he was about TO unite
a couple in marriage "Ah, " he sighed,
heavily, 1.-THE minister who married Sal
lie an me postponed his death until
after the ceremony
Yes, said one Cortland lady to an
other, recently, my husband sold out
his store some time ago. - ''Ihen he's
out of business nOw?" "Oh, no. He's
in some kind of business; manufactur-
ing, | guess; heard him say he was
putting up margins for pork, the other
day"
dat boy healthy" said a negro re-
ferring to his SON 81 should say dat
he is Why, boss, fore he was six
years ole he eat up all de rat pizen in
.e house an den amused hisself by
fiinging rocks at circuit rider. Oh,
vas, sab, OATS a powerful healthy
chile.
Men like Flotow and Wagner are
stricken down and die in this eyentful
year. while not man is missing among
the fellows who could so easily be
spared. The man next door with
flute, the wretch across the way with
an accordion and the villain who per
sists in cornet practice in the most
crowded part Of the city.
"When do you expect 10 get soberf'
asked a wife of her husband. "Well,
you see, he replied, "blamed if know
/ used to be pretty good in mathematics
and could calculate an eclipse, hut this
whisky business floors me. If ! live long