The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-03-09
WHY WE LAUGH.
The average bill poster wears NO diamonds.
Paste Is good enough for him.

The average bill poster wears no diamonds.
Paste is good enough for him.
"a cofin," said the Irishman, is the place
where man lives when he Is dead"
Mother-Is there much drinking in Mobile?
Son-Yes, much drinking Is done in Mobile,
. Ia bar, ma.
A servant girl recently astonished drug
clerk by asking for porous plasters with holes
in nthsm.-Philddelphia Bulletin.
The insurance company may advertise the
risks 1t is willing to take, but 1t never speaks
of the risk the policy-holdsr runs of the
President trying a change of air.-Puck.
Convinced Of the truth of the report that
David Davis Is soon to be married, the Chi
cago Times remarks: "This is the last of the
Senator as an independent party"
General Sherman kisses every young lady
TO whom he is introduced. Mrs. Sherman
suggests that he return to his base of sup
plies, and not depend so much upon for
aging.
A New York paper published the report
that W. II. Vanderbilt. had suffered stroke
Of paralysis. The absurdity of the item was
self.apparent. Mr.. Vanderbilt Is on the
other side. He is himself paralyzer.
Human bones have been found in the
debris of the old Postoffics in New York.
They are supposed to be the remains of peo-
pie who were reckless enough to bother the
stamp clerk while he was reading the last
novel.
A young man in Iowa was so impatient to
see bis girl that he paid $40 for locomotive
to run him thirty-five miles. When he got
there she was sparkling his rival and big
dog had possession Of the front doorstep
Detroit Free Press.
An irrepressible student played Nine. Mod
jeska wicked trick the other night. Just a.
Juliet amid swe-struck silence raised the vial
to her lips, he made sound with his mouth
exactly like the uncorking Of . champagne
bottle, and the house burst into roars Of
laughter.
81 got Jack.in;ths bsn at Christmas;
"Why notp" "Because papa Is an Anti.
Semitic" "What do you mean" "Well,
papa said he would not buy anything Of .
Jew and the Christians won't give him any
credit."-Frdnkfurter Zeitung.
The Electric Light says: "Young men,
don't swear. There Is no occasion for swear
ing outside of newspaper Office, where it is
useful in proof-reading; an indispensable ne.
csssity in getting the forms to press. 1t has
been known to assist an editor in looking
over the paper after it has been printed, but
otherwise 1t is foolish habit"
A spruce and conceited young Mr..
Fell in love with another chaps sr-
With his sweet little cane,
At the end of the lane
He n at and he fain would have kr
But he trod on her train,
At the end Of the lane,
And slap on his face made blr.
--Cleueland Herald.
"Is there fire company within block of
this hotel?" eyes, sir" "And hook and
ladder company near?" eyes, SIR" "And
fire escapes on all sides of the building9"
ayes, SIR" "And extinguishers st every
door?" eyes, SIR" "And rope ladders in
every apartment" eyes, SIR" "Wsll, If you
can give me room on the first floor with .
window opsning into back alley, I will
stay all night"
An indignant landlord writes demanding
the name of the party who first suggested
putting coils of rope in sleeping roems as q
protection against fire. He says he provided
every bedroom In bis house with q coil of
rope, and the first night three of his guests
lowered their baggage from the sixth-story
| window and skipped, leaving several days
board bill unpaid. He allows that being
burned to death is bad enough, but running
| hotel for fun Is q good deal worse
Rochester Post Express.
| How many apples did Adam and Eve eat ?
Some say Eve and Adam 2, total of 10
only. Others figure the thing out differently.
Eve and Adam 8 also; total, 10. But If
Eve and Adam SO, certainly the total will
be 90. Scientific men, however, on the
strength of the theory that the antediluvians
were race Of giants, reason something like
| this: Eve 81 and Adam 80; total, 1853.
Wrong again. What would be clearer than If
Eve 81 and Adam S12, the total was 803 !?
Then If Eve S11st and Adam S12, would not
the total be 1928? Perhaps, after all, the
following Is the true solution: Eve 814
Adam, Adam S124 for Eve; total, 893s.
Still another calculation il possible: If Eve
S14 Adam, Adam S1242 oblige Eve; total
S2,056. Even this, however, may not be q
sufficient quantity. For, though We admit
that Eve S14 Adam, Adam when he s1S1242
keep Eve company; total, s,1s2,o56. All
wrong. Eve, when she 1882 many and
probably felt sorry for 1t, and her companion,
| in order ts relieve her grief, 812. Therefore,
Adam, II he S1S1424Ofy Ewes depressed
spirits, hence both ate 81, ,s96 ,854 apples
| Free Press. Oh, pshaw! you mean that In
Adam 1t was be942s1 4240fy Eve, and It made
Eve, when she s126 dsgi So between
them they. consumed, BY those kind Of
mathematics, 942, 1922 ,S66. Next - Teas