The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-01-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

of the working class will testify to this
version of the proverb
The musicians Of Boston have resolv-
ed upon fixed standard of pitch. This
doesn't refer TO the stories they tell
about each other,
An Alabama Judge decided that
man who puts his satchel on seat on
the cars reserves that seat-unless the
man who moves it is bigger than he Is
The Sycamore Herald speaks of Mrs
Langtry as the Jersey Lilly" and Fred
die Gebhard as the dutch Tulip"
Public sympathy is with the Tulip.
To 60 behind the ear of woman to
kiss her is like chewing the bark of
peach tree in winter and imagining that
peaches were just ripe.
Speckled-Moon, Pawnee Indian
chief, has Just taken bis seventeenth
wife. He crowds them all into two wig
vans and thereby saves fuel.
A young woman in Oil City possesses
bass voice with compass TO ID flat
on the bass cliff. When she sees a rat
the neighbors know it.
Alfred jenkins, Of North Carolina,
has sold his wife 10 neighbor for
$500. Some people are always imposing
on the hospitality of their neighbors.
A New York hotel-keeper has over
$4,000 invested in horselesh and some
people are wishing he would sell one
of his horses and buy few towels for
upper bedrooms
The spots on the sun sre larger than
ever. and a red spot has been discover
ed on The face OF Jupiter. The &C.
lestial buckwheat season seems 70 have
opened earlier than usual this year.
Bob Ingersoll claims to be able TO tell
what a man is at 3 single glance, and
vet he let a Washington boot-black
carry of his Satchel, Perhaps his rule
doesn't work on boys.
sign for hotel-iun digestion, An
apartment to let 10 lady-room it is,
nm. Hint 10 bore z out. The
cry Of a discontinued householder-livcr
complaint
a man who holds his opera-gass in
both hands, with biselbows sticking out
on both sides, is preferable to lady with
big bat at the theater. You can kick
the man.
"Oh, George" Boston girl intense.
IL exclaimed while gazing at the COM
ct, "how transcendently beautiful and
rapturousIy precious it is! should so
love to study botany
Ma" he asked, at dinner, "wbo
vas Charlotte Russo oh" said
ma, 'she was one Of them old queen.
who made trouble during the Rcstora-
tion.
Elizabeth Cadv Stanton advises bill
lizards for s,ris vi the period II a girl
handles billiard cue as dextrously as
she throws stone, the man four feet
TO the left Of her is likely to have an
eye poked out.
The grasshopper has, according TO its
size, 10 times the kicking power Of an
ordinary man, 1t must be exciting
times for the young grasshoppers
which 60 counting and find the old man
at home.
In middle.school examination in
Lawrence, Mass, the other day, the
question was given What are the two
principal forms Of government in the
world?' The answer given by a boy
was, Mayor and alderman
"Sambo, me bhoy," exclaimed Pat,
a rollicking lrishman, 10 Jolly darkey,
tell us what make, your nose 50 ilat?'
Dunno, Mars Pat answered the
darkey, "but ! spec it's to keep me
froln pokin' my nose into odder peo-
pies business
A lady, passing along the street one
| frosty morning, saw little fellow scat
tering salt upon the pavement, for the
purpose Of melting the ice. Well, I'm
sure said the lady, that's real benev-
olcnce,' "Oh, no, ma am, NE replied.
at amt beneyolence--it. salt. ~
Yes" said young Mr.. Guy, of the
Rickerknocker club, yves, was en-
gagged TO her, but I've broken OIL, you
know, until see whether she's going
to be successful in breaking her uncle''
brothers will, you know"
II wouldn't lose that roller-pin fol
money" exclaimed an Oshkosh WON
an, brandishing a chunk Of w0ot
that looked rs II It had been in a tigh
with a sausage-cbopper. Every time
! lose a husband cut notch in il,
A Baltimore landlady says she cal
make a delicious mutton soup for thir
teen boarderS out Of four ounces Of ole
sheep. We've seen the thing done OF
two ounces, 1t can't fail except il
lime Of drought.
Uncle John, said little Emily, I'd
YOU know that baby that was fed o.
elephant milk gained twenty pound
10 Que week. Nonsense! Impossible''
exclaimed Uncle John, and then b
asked. Whose baby was it?' "Th
elephants said the little girl
The true dcGuilion OF luck, "a define
by Col Mooney, is rs follows "Whe
YOU 60 home ut two o'clock in M
. morning, after promising Your wife ,
be in early, aud find her sound asler,
: that's luck but 1t ism to be dcpundc
y upon.
Dinners har lar cart You've be,
: 10 boarding.schO What does Tia
meat, PollyP' "Allor cart iathei
Why that means small, simple di