Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-07-07
Saturday Smiles.

prominent physician says person should
never be walked except when there is urgent ne
cesslty Tor it, 1t is suspected that the doctor
has four brothers on the police force.-Doctor's
Diary.
$50 you've given up keeping boarders Mrs.
Pringle! Couldn't you make it pay?" "Oh, yes
l made 1t pay we'll enough. but tho mistake /
made was that made it pay the boarders'
-IOnkers Gazette.
"When the-puf doctor tells me-pufY,
puff. puf"-said Mr.. Pipeholder .I-puff.
puf-disagree-puff- the doctor and-puff
i have to-puff, puf-pay costs OF both-pufY
-disagreements." Puff, puff puf:-Ha,oheye.
adam was the first man," Syracuse Sum
day school teacher explained, Solomon was
the wise man, and Cain, who killed his brother,
was the first base man." Then the boy who haaa
ball in his hip pocket and a bat tucked under
the church steps asked: "Say, what nine did
he play with. and if he could kill men why didn't
they have him pitch?"-Syrdcuse Herald
Young Lady Gin undertOne to friend while
Becoming, indeed! The idea of
any one suggesting my wearing hat of such
color! should certainty de." Newly Engaged
SalesWoman (who partly Overhears and who has
been Instructed to fall in with suggestions)-
think, myself, miss, you would do well
to dye it. It's shade, too. that will take
almost any color, and it would be so becoming
then!''
One bell is rung 70 stop, and two bells to
start horse car This is because it is twice as
hard to start horse car as to stop One.-When
Henry was counting Sarah he used to boast that
ne had ''boss" girl; now that he is married he
finds he has a "bOss" wife; but Re never mentions
Tive know lady who wouldn't flo for the
world; but when anybody asks her about her
shoes, what number she wears. she always
replies, 1.-TWO" AS she has two feet she Of
course speaks the truth; but this shows the
difference between lying and diplomacy.-Bos-
ton Transcript
A boy saysin his composition that "Onions are
the vegetables that make you sick when you
don't eat them yourself."-Arkdnsds Horse Shoe
The assisted" emigrant is one that is sent to
this country as pauper. with passage paid.
The assisted tramp is one that is urged out Of
your yard with bOOt.-Ne,o Orleans Picdyune
care angels ever sleepy" is question which
an English psychological society is trying to
solve. We hardly know whether our angel is
ever sleepy or not. We've never STAYED late
enough to find Out.-Lo,oeu Citizen.
A New England physician says that If every
family would keep box of mustard in the
house One-half Of the doctors would starye
Wesuggest that every family keep two boxes in
the house.-The Judge.
Save the sweetest kiss for mother" is the
title OF the latest new song. The author evil
IDENTIFY OverOoks the fact that the yonng mans
precious time Is so completely occupied in paving
his respects to the daughter that the old lady
stands mighty slim chance of getting any kiss
at all.-GoM Leaf
man named Gasbill recently applied to the
Arkansas legislature to change his name because
his girl always objected to his figure whenever
he'd metre. She said that he was too high and
turned him off.--The Judge.
A Brooklyn bachelor is so bashful that when
ne sees beyy of young ladies coming up the
street he shuts his eyes and turns his head in
another direction. says the New York Mornino
Journal. That's all right. That BROOKLYN bach
elOr has level head. The ice cream season is
in full blast-Syracuse Herald.
Sarah Bernhardt says in her book that she
was not very pretty as girl. It is too late to
remedy the defect now; but Sarah can console
herself with the reflection that if she lives twenty
years longer she will be pretty old woman
NOrristoDn Herald.
Colonel Ingersoll says ''the star-route verdict
Is the most popular verdict in all history" The
Colonel should find time to read couple of
newspapers. But then the doctors speak of a
disease that is extremely prevalent as "a popu-
lar disease" The Colonel may be correct.-8ur-
RnJt0n Hd,ckeye.
''Brevity is the soul of w.t." and this is whv
a dude coat amnses passers by.-Boston Courier.
Republican Elected? Never" Democrat
Night. IVY
everything moves In circle. Physicians say
that loss of sleep is making men small and puny.
ana every parent knows that it Is the small and
Puny Deings tnaC cause the loss of Seep.-
Philadelphia Nescs.
shooting at Woman Whose Husband She
Had Appropriated" is a New York head line
The husband is probably an editor. and. at the
time Of the shooting, was up at the Office writ
ing an article on crime In the south.-Lomis.
uiAe CotIrter'-Jour,adl.
Enquirer: What is an agnostic? A man who
would hesitate about betting on astraight flush.
Boston Post.
"Where do all the flies go to-" asks an exchange
They have been boarding at our house this
month Cincinnati Saturday Night.
what is meant by 'Sabbath-day's iour-
ney3' John. The distance between any
place and the nearest good fishing-ground.Z
Burlington Free Press.
Hnper's Bazaar is authority for the dictum
that widow should be married In q bonnet
In our opinion this idea Is wrong By the time
the widow has selected the style of
bonnet In which she wishes to appear at the
ceremony the groom will have lost patience and
gone elsewhere for wife. The hest thing for
widow to be married In is In q hurry. Unless
she has money. Then she can take her time
Rochester Post xpress.
LADIES at the New York races last week were
simply attired In foulard costumes of Oriental
coiors, satines Of lar &c figures trimmed with
quantities Of lace and dresses of black lace over
c0lOred satin. Small bOnnets, turbans. and MO
turesque round hats were made to suit the
dresses In color and trimming. and bright-hued
parasols gave touch Of color to the uuietest
gray and blue gowns