Milford chronicle., 1883-05-11

with bei6is howling heir; "thank Heaven
You are not twins p
IT IS noticed as curious fact that
n people who live at Watering places all
L the year round never think of taking a
+ bath.
A PHILOSOPHER remarks that no man
can afford to make fool of himself. But
he forgets that some men are utterly
reckless of expense.
= ONE Of the most horrible suggestions
: ever made is that the Communists
!, should supply the children Of royal fam
# lies with toy pistols.
% WE HEAR of man who set his UNI
3 brella against hitching-post while he
8 stepped in to ask a question. When he
e came out the post stood there-no one
+ had taken it.
AT breakfast the other morning a New
r York dude declined a piece of shad. He
} had been told that fish food made brain,
and he didn't want to unfit himself for
the position he occupied in society.
TAKE some samphire
Mixed with capphire,
Put it on your clothes.
And then no moth
Win touch your cloth,
If the moth has got a nose
Puck.
No HoNoR. The Chicago rumseller
who permitted a convivial burglar to
leave his tools under the bar for the
night. and in the morning found that his
safe had been opened, doubts that there
is honor among thieves.
A GENTLEMAN rang his door bell one
evening recently and asked if a Mr.
lived there ''No, said the intensely
musical Henry, pointing up the street,
che lives about an oetave-I mean eight
doors higher"
SOME philanthropist has said that
man who truly loves a horse cannot be
wicked. He must be in the wrong, for
Texas iails are full of men who loved
other peoples horses, not wisely, but too
well.
Nor half the COWS through the
country are worth keeping for butter"
sighs an agricultural journal. If they
are not worth keeping for butter, they
are certainly worth killing for oleo-
margarine. -Teras Sittiags
A VISIONARY finaneier, who had thou
sand ways to make a fortune and not
single one to make living, is described
by a friend as "a man so sanguine that
the mere getting hold Of shoesring
makes him think that he is already the
owner of a tannery."
LAwYER-What did the prisoner
do next? Witness-I think--Lawyer
There, stop there; you are not to tell
what You think. Witness That's lucky
for You. You might hear something
You wouldn't consider hattering. Crier
Silence in the court
"WoMAN's rights II exclaimed GER
tain benedict when the subject was
broached. ''What more rights do they
want? Ny wife bosses me, my daugh-
ters boss us both and the servant girl
bosses the whole family. It's time the
men were allowed some rights.
A FLORIDA hotel keeper was charging
Western traveller three prices for had
accommodations. What viii you do
when you kill the goose that lays the
golden egg p said the grumbling traveller.
"Wmt for another goose = said the hard
faced landlord.
A REFLECTIVE hunterin Georgia comes
4 .I...s..., Ef,.4 Il e,...,
brought into play by the killing of a wild
turkey gobbler, would fproperly exerted
between plow-handles, prepare forty
seven and half acres Of land for the
cotton planter.
The "course of true love" traced by
letters in breach Of promise suit in
New York ran in this manner; "bfy
darling Benny" My own darling BEN
ny, ''My own dearest darling, Your
loving Baby, Your own loving Pet"
'.AIy own darling Love, 'lIy darling
Ben, "Frend Ben" Aud all was over.
VERY cur GUS, very curious, mutt
tered Farmer Furow, as hestumbledinto
the house one evening, after attending
protracted meetingat the grocery.
sWhats curious, John?' asked his patient
wife, who was waiting for him. why, old
oman. s / 5 comm long, heerd dog
howl s much like a man that cud most
tell what it said. Whatteryer think
bout it. old ladyg' Il think you tar
Iriel too long at the whine, John, said
his helpmeet, as she gave him boost
til sent him sprawling over the wood
box.