National Republican., 1883-07-04


THIS is the day for spread eagle ofhtory.
THE New York Commercial Aduertiser refers
to the trade dollar assisted emisrant.
SELMA, Ala, has over sixty artesian wells,
and the water from no two of them is exactly
alike
THE New Orleans Picdyuno AYERS that IL tho
teeth are good the mouth may be worn open with
the poke bonnet.
A BUCHANAN, Mich schoomistress pun
ishes refractory children by making them stand
in an empty barrel.
AN Ohio man just dead has, IL is said, mado
n cast iron will. Will slighted heirs claim that
the document was forged2
JULIAN HAWTHORNE gets nearly $1,000 fol
his serial Fortunes Fool" Bully for the
bully for Julian Hawthorne l-Burlingtbn Hagk
| eye.
HUMOROUS paper has ascertained that
the Brooklyn bridge is like bad oyster, because
its faults were not found out until after it wa
opened.
BISHOP KANE, now in Palestine has pro-
cured for the new cathedral at Richmond, Va a
cornerstone cut from the rock Of the garden o.
| Gethsemane.
The assisted emigrant is one thatis sent
to this country as pauper, with passage paid.
The assisted tramp is one that is urged out Of
your yard with boot.
| coLoRED woman in Union county KY,
has skipped out, frightened out of her wits by the
arts of the oonjuror, says southern paper. In
other words, negro woman has been most scared
| to death by necromancer.
THE Austrian empress is very fond of
American poetry. From the prevailing of
newspapers by the fair sex to regulate the drap-
ing oftheir skirts, we judge the empress stufs the
manuscript into her ''walst basket."
NAsBY says some Of the buildings in Rome
Z" are MS good as any of the first class places in
Chicago" The Boston Transcript believes that u
the Eternal City stand up against this fling
she will have proved herself worthy of her title.
THERE is a dream book out which warns
all young men not to propose to girl in snow
storm. They should also be careful about pro-
20 ing to girls father who is leaning out of a
second story window and whistling fof the dog
Detroit Free Press.
AT Methodist church in Vallejo, CAL, re-
Gently, the Rev. Mr.. Nelson presented "a post
mortem of the withered fig tree" Tie evening
service was: "Prelude-Jehoakim, the mortgage
on ill-gotten gain; lecture--the autopsy OF An
MAS, the smitten man."
ONE cannot help wondering what would
happen If gentle dude should stub his toe and
fall down while sucking his cane. Would the
cane break between his cheek and the sidewalk,
or would 1t penetrate his brain cavity and let in
the air ?-LoweH Citizen.
A REPORT is current that there is one
church in Bucks county that didn't hold a straw
berry festival this year. 1t is not credited, how
ever. Few persons are prepared to believe that
religion is at such low ebb in that law abiding
county.-NorristoiUn Herald.
! A GREAT deal of fun has been made of tho
Milwaukee maden's mouth, but thoePolish girl
who stole sos in trade dollars and hid them under
her tongue, is entitled TO the entire bakery. If
. Ne trade dollar must go by all means give 1t to
+ the fair Pole and let her chew 1t.
/, TIM death is announced of King Omoru,
, one of TIE sovereign's of the African coast. This
l monarch was, the saying is, very much mar.
= ried He had 706 wives and 95 children, II of the
: latter being still alive. His eldest and sue
: cessor is us luxurious his father having already
= 4i2 wives
= A SIP of Punch: Grocer, who has lately
Joined the volunteers practicing in his shop.
a Fright left, right left. Four PAGES to the rear.
a March p'--falls down trap door into the cellar.
Grocer's wife, anxiously ooh, Jim, are you
hurt?' Grocer. savagey, but with dignity "Ge
. away, woman what do you know about warp
h Mr.. ERNEST HART, the editor of the Britia
l. Medical Journal, who has just returned from
tour of inspection in Donegal, Ireland reports
melancholy condition of affairs. Ho found ID
Donegal 1900 persons subsisting upon the aims OF
o the priests, derived from the American funds.
o They are living on pennyworth Of Indian meal
20 O day.
10 HARTFORD Post: "How's business ~ in
auired Slobkins OF Plushkin, coming down town
this morning. BAD" said Plushhn. "stocks
don't pay, lard corner has slipped up, oil syndi-
\ cate busted no telephone for SALE It's hard
u look In fact, I'm out of business" a. HIM, well,
Il what dye think o. dongf' "Well, haven't cap
D, ital enough to be democracal presidential can
c. didate, so guess win open seaside hotel and
V. earn enough this summer"
a. THE Des Moines Register relates an anec-
- dote of Gen. George w. jones' one of the two iirs
% % senators from Iowa. which, though old, is rich
% President Pierce notified Jones by telegraph Of his
IN appointment as minister at Bogota. The general
~ replied: al accept; but Frank, where in hell Ii
Bogota?" The generals geographical studies had
been neglected, but as that was before the days o.
the civil service commission, that was not an OBJ
Y, stacle to his appointment.
n TRANSLATED from the New Orleans
as LAbeiRe: A Normandy and Marseillaise dis
To putcd at table of the hotel on the of butte
,r and on the use OF oil. The Normandy combattct
90 the Marseillaise and demonstrated triumphant,
that the butter would do itself for ell, whereupor
the Marsailaise, furious, lined himself from th,
table and to him said: go then TO seek som,
o. one who has come back from Moscow and dc
en- mand OF him If they have annonted the czar will
m the butterl"
-es A.BAD taxpayer "What's the value of you
,al personal property, old man p asked tax assessor
of negro. "What yer wanter know dat fur |?
80 we'll know how mnch to make you pay
''Niy stuffs done paid fer sah," Eyes, but you'll
ne have to pay taxes your household goods" "D
M taxed me enough in de fust place, sab. Ain
,le agwine ter pay no mol" "lf you don't you can
at vote at the next election" "All right. Da don
count my vote nohow. Go of somewhar and tai
man for habin de rheumatic. "-ArkdnSaw Trav
eier.
to HAVE always thought we'll of the cooking
schools, but saw recently the notes taken by
no. young lady of fashion, who had just come from
,rn cooking lesson and l don't know now what
think. The young lady saw friend at the schoc
=, who had just appeared in an elegant new sprin
eu costume, and her notes ran about like this: g
Nv fine cake-one pound and II half OF -four, iou
rufIies across the 'front.' one cupful of milk Gu
S. bias whites Of two eggs with kilt plating, butte
ing the dish with bugle trimming bake in moderat
waist until the oven is finished with the over
to- kirt."-BoSton Times.
iii AMONG the costly materials that Worth
Inc sending America for the delectation Of wealth
tourists are handsome variety Of uncut velvet
ex- soft and light in weight but exceedingly rich
r. appearance These fabrics will make very stylis
1rk travelling costumes as they come in all the dark
shades of terra cotta olive, bronZe wine dreg