The weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1883, 1883-05-02
HIS PA AN oRANGEMAN.

Although the Bad Boy is in
Book Form, Still he's
Not Content.
asay, win you do me favor" asked
the bad boy Of the grocery man, as he
ut down the soap box and put his wet
boots on the stove.
"Well. yes" said the grocery man
hesitatingly. with . feeling that he was
liable to be sold. IF you will help me
to catch the villain who hangs up those
disreputable signs in front Of my store,
will. What is it?"
II want you to lick this stamp and put
it on this letter. It is to my grl, and I
want to fool her." and the boy handed
over the letter and stamp, and while the
grocery man was licking it and putting it
on, the boy filed his pockets with dried
peaches out ofa box.
"There, that's . small job" said the
grocery man, - he pressed the stamp on
the letter with his thumb and handed it
back. "But how are you going to fool
herr
"Thatis Just business" said the boy, as
he held. the letter TO his nose and smell
ed Of the stamp. ''That will make her
tired. You rec, every time she gets .
letter from me she kisses the stamp, be-
cause she thinks flicked II. When che
kisses this stamp and gets the fumes Of
plug tobacco, and stale beer, and limburg
cheese, and mouldy potatoes, it will
knock her down, and then she will ask
me what allied the stamp, and I will tell
her got you to lick 1t, and then it will
make her sick, and her parents will stop
trading here. o, it will paralyze her.
Do you know, you smell like q glue fac
tory. Gosh, I can smell you all over the
store. Don't you smell anything that
smells spoiledf"
The grocery man thought he did smell
something that was rancid, and he looked
around the stove and finally kicked the
boys boot of the stove and said, "1t's
your boots burning. Gracious, open the
door. II smells like . hot box on q ca
boose. Whewl And there comes .
couple Of my best lady customers" The
ladies' came in and held their handker-
chief to their noses, and while they were
trading the boy said, as though continu-
ing the conversation:
dyes. pa says that last oleomargarine
got here is nothing but axle grease.
Why don't you put your axle grease in a
different kind of q package? The only
way you can tell axle grease from oleo-
margarine isi in spreading it ON pancakes.
Pa says axle grease will spread, but your
alleged butter just rolls right up and acts
like lip salve, or ointment, and is only fit
to use ON . sore"
At this point the ladies went out Of the
store in disgust, without buying any
thing, and the grocery man took dried
Goldfish by the tail and went up to the
boy and took him by the neck. "Golblast
you, have q notion to kill you. You
have driven away more custom from this
store than your neck lie worth. Now you
git," snd he struck the boy across the
back with the Goldfish.
'That's just the way with you oil"
says the boy, q he put his sleeve up to
his eyes and pretended to cry, when a
fellow is up in the world, there is moth
sng too good for him, but when he gets
down, you maui him with q Goldfish.
Since pa drove me out Of the house, and
told me to 90 shirk for my living, I
haven't had . kind word from anybody.
Ny chum's dog won't even follow me,
snd when fellow gets 90 low down that
o dog goes back ON him there is nothing
LEFT for him to do but loaf around gro
Gerry, or sit on . jury, though I know
more than some of the beats that lay
around the court to get on a jury. am
going to drown myself, and my death
will be laid to you. They will find evil
dences of Goldfish on my clothes, and you
will be arrested for driving me to q sui
cide's grave. Goodbye, I forgive you," ,"
and the boy started for the door.
"Hold on here" says the grocery man,
feeling that he had been too harsh,
"Come back here and have some maple
sugar. What did your pe drive you away
from home for?"
70, it was on account Of st. Patrick'a
Day." said the bad boy as he bit off hall
pound of maple sugar, and dried his
tears. "You see, pa never sees ma buy q
new silk handkerchief, but he wants it
'Tother day ma got one of these orange
colored handkerchief, and pa immedi-
ately had sore throat and he wanted to
wear it, and ma let him put it on.
thought would break him Of taking
everything nice that ma got, 30 when he
went down town with the orange hand
kerchief on his neck, told some Of the
st. Patrick boys in the Third ward, who
had green ribbons on, that the old duffel
that was putting on style was an or
angeman, and he said he could whiI
any st. Patricks Day man in town. Thu
Ssllen laid for pa, and when he came
along one Of them threw . barrel at ps
and another pulled the yellow handker
chief off his neck, and they all yelled
hang him, and one grabbed rope thai
wss on the sidewalk where they were
moving . building, and ps got up and
busted. You'd dide to see pa run. HI
met policeman and said more'n . hun
dred men had tried to murder him. and
they had mauled him and stolen his vel
low handkerchief. The policeman tolt
pa his life was not safe, and he better g
home and lock himself in, and he did
and I was telling ma about how I got th'
BOYS to scare Pc, and he heard it, and h
told me that settled it. He said I hat
caused him to run more foot races thar
any champion pedestrian, and had mad'
his life unbearable, and now must &
1t alone. Now 1 want you to send cou
pie Of pounds Of crackers over to tn,
house, and have your boy tell the hiret