The true northerner., 1883-04-27
HUMOROUS.

CoEp feet in bed is supposed TO DO
the latest agony.
WHEN the weather is ooldest friend
ships should be closest.
The successful grocers have gener-
ally started business on q small scale.
ADAM involved the whole human race
in his fall, but he never wore white
satin crsvat with full dress.
WHEN q drummer gets the mumps IT
increases the size OF his face without
adding anything to his inherent cheek
A WOMAN may do many questionable
things during her lifetime, but when u
comes to her wedding she always stands
up for the rite.
A WISE woman will not light the fire
with kerosene; but will invite the ser
want girl to whom she owes three
months wages to do the came.
The newspapers often print the last
words" of men, but never those OF wom-
en-. The latter would take up too much
room and crowd out all the advertise
ments.
MANY Philadelphia business men now
use type-writers, and not long ago
wholesale house sent letter Of this
kind to O small dealer in the far west.
The western man returned it with tho
indignant comment: II just want you
to understand that / amt no school-boy.
1 can read writin' as good as any one,
A PROMINENT insurance man estimates
that females will live nine months and
three days longer than males after the
age of 95 is passed. We can credit the
nine months, but the three days portion
of the assertion is asking us to believe
too much The experiment is worth
trying, however. Herald.
A CARP which had been hooked by .
Fisherman looked up with Tears in its
eyes and called out: "Pray, spare my
life! I am small and bony and shall not
make over two bites for You" II fully
realize that" replied the Fisherman, as
he tossed his victim into his pail, "but
the man who throws away Carp In
hopes to secure Bass, will go home to
eat bean-soup."
SAM SALISBURY is an Austin youth
who is not very clean in his personal
appearance. Fred Bryant. who is his
personal FREUD, was asked by young
lady if Sam was going to attend tho
masquerade that evening. II think So"
replied Fred, "for the last saw of him
he was disg1ising himself. At least,
he was washing his face and hands. "
Teras SJti1l1s.
WHEN" asked the superintendent,
fixing his eyes on the teacher of the
young ladies' Bible class, "when does
man most keenly and fully and con-
scientiously recognize and realize his
own utter nothingness ?" And the young
man, who led himself to the altar only
two short weeks ago, blushed painfully
and said, with faltering voice: when
he's being married.
"WHAR's yer been fur so lopg?" asked
old Isom of Black Ned "Tse had dc
remitten' fever" Ned replied. ut
wasn't a success, I see." What yer
mean?" "Yer's had de remitten' fever,
yer say?" "Dat was de full text OBJ my
proclamation" wall, yersef owes me
ten dollars an notices dat yer didn't
remit. OATS what makes me say it
want o success.-Ark. TraUeler.
THE discipline in the German army
is almost, if not quite, perfect. It rs
never relaxed under any circumstances.
A Captain and Lieutenant we're on tho
deck of q steamship out at sea for the
first time. How do you feer Lieuten-
ant?" asked the Captain. "Very sick.
Captain" "Why don't you use basin ?"
asked the Captain. II would have done
so long ago, Captain, but was waiting
for you to be sick first. / would be
court-martialed if were to take prece-
dence of my ranking officer. Will you
be pleased to be sick first, Captain 2"
SONG OF SPRING.
Hark, hear bluebird sing,
And that's a sign OF coming spring.
The bull-frog bellers in the bitches,
He throws away his winter britches
The robin is bobbin' around so merry,
/ reckon he's drunk on China berry
The hawk for infant chickens watches,
And fore you know it one he cotches
The lizard Is summing himself on rail;
The lamb is shaking his new born tail
The darkey is plowing with his stubborn
mule,
And gayly holiers: sGee. you foolls
King Cotton has unfurled his banner,
And scents the air with sweet guanner
The day grown long-the nights declining.
The Indian summer sun Is shining
The smoking hill are now on fire.
And every night it's climbing higher.
The water warm, the weather fine,
The time has come for hook and line;
Adown the creek, around the ponds,
Are gentlemen and vagabonds,
And all our little dirty sinners
Are digging bait and catching minnerA
The dogwood buds are now a swelling.
And yaller jonquills sweet are smelling:
The little busy bees are humming,
And everything says spring is coming.
-BW Arp. in .thnnta Io,StlutioM
Judging by the Noise.