davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
an AWKWARD Faint.

Some women never can faint in the
proper manner nor at the right time.
And if woman mot bring about this
happy combination of time aud manner
OF swoon she had better get along with
ont swooning One Sabbath evening ut
Bradford, Pa, the best behaved and
most moral town in the oil country, q
city not given to fainting or other I'M
seomly displays during religious services,
the Methodist Episcopal Conference was
in scas.o and Its ministers were conduct
ing evening service. just after the
ordination Of dcacons a woman in the gal
lerv tainted. Now, while the ordination
of deacons is a most holy. solemn and
deeply impressive ceremony, it is not
very thrilling an1 exciting, like the in
itintion scenes i'll the Sons of Malta, and
it is nothing TO faint over. But this
woman tainted, aud beautiful faint she
made of it. Ii seems that she was sit
ting in the front seat in the gallery, and
slid straight forward on to tho floor,
thrusting her unconscious l. feet
right through the gallery rail. They
must have been a startling par Of feet
10 view, for the moment they were OBJ
served by the congregation, the panic
stricken worshippers raised the cry that
the gallery was giving way, evidently
installing the swaying feet for displaced
columns or bracket braces. In the most
worldly manuor the congregation made
rush for the doors, and Ill the panic
the saints trod the sinners nj der foot,
and the sinners walked along on the
backs of the saints, according to the
respective size of saint aud sinner, all
being animated by the desire to get out
from under the threatening shadow of
those overhang,ng feet. In the midst
of the confusion and terror, oae OF those
uncoDfined luuatics whose mission is to
say and do the most idiotic tuings under
the guise of sanity. sprung through q
window and shouted fire. and unfor-
tunately es, ped alive. That brought
the fire depa. tment and miscellaneous
crowd Of f5w thousand men and boys
swarming around the church. and
although Chaplin McCabe began singing
a hvmn OF the top of his rather penetrat-
ing voice the panic could not be stayed
ana the people got out, but there WASH
fall bonnet in the congregation tit to
look at.
And how badly this woman must have
felt when she realized how great ruin
she had wrought by fainting in that
ridiculous manner, sticking tarough the
gallery rail like sawbuck hanging on a
picket fence. And how the women with
ruined hats viii glare at her, especially
those women who can't afford to buy
new ones. A woman who is given to
fainting ought always to pick out suit
able place before she lets go; and no
woman whose feet are sufficiently start
ling in their development to throw q
congregation of worshippers into panic
has any right to faint at all.-Burtinq-
ton Haaokeye
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
Alloy Oats to Ripen.


When oats are cut green, the grains,
which even when ripe, are small, will
shrink very much, and consequently,
lose in weight; and when it is threshed
much will be blown away with the
chaff, which would not be if it had
been left standing until ripe, and the
grains full grown. Besides this, the
farmer runs a great risk in cutting oats
before they are ripe, especially If he
cuts it with reaper, and ties it up at
once, of having it mold; and this risk
is increased if there should be much
rain before he can store it in the barn.
1t also takes longer for oats cut green
to become fit for hauling than if it is
left standing until ripe, besides being
much harder TO cut and handle. Oats
cut when ripe will thresh one-half easier
as any farmer knows. The straw may
make better feed when cut green, but
there are very few people who would
wish to use it for that purpose, when
they would lose twice the amount they
would gain in the loss of wheat and
quality of oats.
The idea of raising oats is not so
much TO preserve the straw as that we
may cut it when The oatsare best, and
has most weight. We deny that oats
when cut green, will be white and
cleaner, but know from experience that
the opposite is usually the case. When
cut green, it very often has dark
color, and very often some of the
grains will be nodded. When ripe it
can be hauled in almost at once, and
threshed as soon as hauled
Our reasons, then, for allowing oats
to become ripe before cutting are the
following: First, the grains will fill
out better, and it will weigh more when
threshed. Second, less will blow away
with the chaff when threshed. Third,
it is not so apt to mold. Fourth, it can
be hauled in and threshed sooner.
Fifth. it will have a better color. PITS
/ tara StockncR
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
The Tomb of Juliet.

w. A. Crotfut whites the following
amusing description of visit to the
tomb of Juliet, or the supposed Juliet,
at Verona: We had local guide who
spoke pure Veronese, and at given sig
nal he started us off. Up the street we
went; up another street, then down
street about half mile, when we turned
into a gate by q buttonball Tree. We
were In what had apparently once been
a garden. Indeed, there We're even now
pumpkins and weeds growing in it, and
a row OF evergreen box struggled for
life, and broken-down grape arbor
overshadowed the fence. We struggled
along, climbed over a pile of boards,
broke down some spider webs that
crossed the path, descended some steps,
came to heap of manure and went
around it, passed the back door of
cocoon hatchery, which smelt like Con-
stantinople, and then the guide came
back and calmly remarked that we were
on the wrong road. We went back
few rods, turned into q little dirtier
path, entered at broken gate and were
led to spot under barn, where stood
"the tomb of Juliet"
six feet long, three feet high, and three
feet wide, and was followed out from
above like large basin. Through either
end and both sides, at the bottom, were
orifices about two inches in diameter.
Upon the sides and ends Of the red
trough were piled thousands of visiting
cards-some fresh and white, some
brown with age.
"Zees, said the guide, cess re tomba
of Senorita Giulietta. ices holess," he
continued, poking his cane into the orr
fees In the side already referred to,
"ess where Giulietta she stick her arm
out"
"Sayl" said the man from Little
Rock, "where is she now? Where's
her bones? What have they done with
'em ?"
"ze bones he lie in re groun' under
beneathy," said the guide, in muffled
voice, full of sorrow, as he raped gently
on the ground; cor mebby re Mon
tagues take her bone away-ah!"
"What made them make her tomb
look exactly like bath-tub 2" asked
the lady from West Virginia, in pa
thetic manner.
"Ze has tub ?" said the guide, gloom
lily.
"Why, yes /" exclaimed three or four
of the party, exactly like one don't
you see-just deep enough-holes for
water to run out-bet twas batn-tub."
"Was Juliet hard-shell Baptist !"
struck in the tall lady from Chs rleston,
n. III.
"Ah, madam Z" sighed the guide, his
voice full of tears; - cannot deceive
you Ills tomb-a was never re bas-tub,
but it may be re grand fountain where
re Rome Emperor water re horse"
"Watering-trough, by thunder said
the gentleman from Hartford.
"Zey have no ozzer tomba for poor
.Giulietta, said the guide; $50 zay use
him."
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
How Bill Nye Beat His Rrotber.

The boxing-glove is large fat mitten,
with an abnormal thumb and string
at the wrist with which to tie it on, so
that when you feed it to your adversary
he cannot swallow it and choke himself.
! had never seen any boxing gloves be-
fore, but my brother said they were soft
and wouldn't hurt anybody. So we
took off some our raiment and put them
on. Then we shook hands. That was
to show that we were friendly and
would not Stay each other. MY brother
was younger than ! am, and so / warned
him not to get excited and come for me
with anything that looked like wild and
ungoyernable fury, because / might, in
the heat of debate, pile his Jaw up on
his forehead and fill his ear full of sore
thumb. He said that was all right. and
he would try to be cool and collected.
Then we put our right toes close to-
gether, and | told him to be on his
guard. At that moment | dealt him
terrific blow, aimed at his nose, but
through some clerical error of mine it
went over his shoulder and spent itself
in the wall of his room, SCATTERING a
small hollywood bracket, for which /
paid him 1915 afterward. | did not
wish TO buy the bracket, because | had
two at home, but he was arbitrary about
it, and | bought it. Then he took an
other athletic posture, and in two min
utes the air was full of poulticed thumb
and buckskin mitten. Isoon detected a
chance to put one in where my brother
could smell of it, but / never knew lust
where it struck, for at that moment |
ran against something with the pit of
my stomach that made me throw up the
sponge along with some other things.
My brother then proposed that we
take off the gloves. but L thought | had
not sufficiently punished Linn, and that
another round would complete the con-
quest, which was then almost within
my grasp. | took a bismuth powder
and squared myself, but in warding off
a left-hander forgot all about my adj
versary's right, and ran my nose in the
middle of his boxing-glove. Fearing
that | had injured him, retreated rap
idly on my elbows and shoulder blades
to the corner of the room, thus giving
him ample time to recover. BY this
means my younger brothers features
hbiC o0Nths anu ttiC tO~idN as S1 illulcl-
rical as my own. | can still cough up
pieces of boxing gloves, and when /
close my eyes | can see calcium lights
and blue phosphorescent CLEANS across
the horizon; but | am thoroughly con-
WINGED that there is no physical exercise
which yields the same amount of health
and elastic vigor to the puncher than
the manly art does. To the punchee,
it also affords large wad of glad
and nose bleed, which cannot
be hurtful to those who banker for the
pleasing nervous shock, the spinal jar
and the pyrotechnic conclusion. This is
why | shall continue the exercise after /
have practiced with mule or cow
catcher two or three weeks, and feel a
little more confidence in myself.
0Dlie Boomerang.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
Beautiful Costumes at the Races.

The most admirable costumes at
Monmouth Park this time was a dress
of French gray satin. 1t had sort of
a scarf Of thin white material, embroid-
cred in cherries in colors ranging from
BRIGHT cerises to dark crimson, and a
oarniture of loops of narrow velvet cor
responding with the color of the fruit.
The petticoat was edged with ruche
lined with dark crimson. An embroid-
cry of cherries, extending from the
back of the neck down the front, orna-
mented the bodice prettily. The French
gray satin garaSol was set off with
very natural looking bunch of the fruit.
Apple-oreen surahs and salmon-colored
silk, with trimmings of coflee-colored
lace, composed a very beautiful cos
tune. Over the salmon-colored petit
coat with frills of the lace was arranged
the overdress of the green surah. The
French bonnet was of coflee-colored
lace over sal mon-colored silk, trimmed
with bunch of crushed tea roses at one
side The dainty parasol to cores
pond consisted of the salmon-colored
silk yelled with lace, and the silk gloves
that were worn matched the silk in
tint. There were numerous costumes
of the favorite butter-color. A pretty
dark-haired girl appeared in one of
Indian silk, trimmed with barberries
shading from yellow to bright red.
The bonnet and parasol were of the
same material, and the long gloves
matched the dress. Another OF butter
colored yelling was quite striking; it
had panels of Turkish embroidery in
pink and gold on the skirts, and scarf
of pink shot and gold. A similar gar
niture of pink shot and gold. A SINH
lar garniture proved highly effective on
rich dress of wall-howered red velvet.
A long scarf of this embroidery, was
draped across the front and fell in loops
at the back over the velvet skirt. An
antique gold spear was placed in the
bow of the sash. The small gold lace
bonnet worn was trimmed with pop
pics The elaborate parasol was OF
wall-hower red satin covered with
Turkish embroidery, ornamented with y
trailing bunch of popies and corn.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

IT is said that those who wish to do
any painting ON or about their mills, will
find the following an excellent and cheap
recipe, which will last much longer than
any ordinary whitewash: Three hun
bred parts washed and sieved white sand,
forty parts of precipitated chalk, fifty
parts of resin and four parts of linseed
oil are mixed and boiled in an iron ket-
tie, and then one part Of oxide of copper
and one part of sulphuric acid are ad-
ded. This mass is applied with an ordi-
nary paint brush while warm. If it is
too thick it is diluted with linseed oil.
This paint dries very rapidly and gets
very hard, but protects the wood excel
lently.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

A GOOD story is told of an Irish hos
tier who was sent to the stable to bring
forth travellers horse. Not knowing
which of the two strange horses in the
stalls belonged to the traveller, and wish
ing to avoid the appearance of ignorance
in his business, he saddled both animals
and brought them to the door. The
traveller pointed ont his own horse. say
ing, "That's my nag" Certainly, yer
honor; / know that very well, but /
didn't know which was the other gen
tlemaa's."
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

Foolish old saying that is, "Better
rub than rust. That depends great
deal ON what you are going to rub. If
you have it in mind to rub yourself with
a fy-wheel on circular saw, or if your
only chance is to rub up against the
after-guard of a cynical and embittered
mule with live back, you had better
rust, if it takes you thousand years
and runs you IN debt to do it.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
A Guyer Guyed.


An attenuated individual. with great
affiuence of hair. and a soft. seductive
smile, gently staggered into restau-
rant, hung his hat on nail, took a seat,
and commenced to drum for waiter.
The latter appeared in due time, and
began to brush around the tumblers with
great deal of energy.
The diner ordered some turtle sour.
and, while he was slipping it, Clipped in |:
Pretty good soup this; what's the
vintage?"
Ten a. ri..' replied the waiter. as he
prepared TO hurl the check down like a
boomerang.
MADE of land turtles y inquired the
festive guy.
Land turtles?" repeated the waiter
In establishment.
Yes, land turtles" continued the
diner; "these big, corpulent, speckled.
punch-nosed reptiles that walk around
rye fields with initials and dates cut on
their backs?"
The waiter assured him that he was
positive that was not the brand of the
turtle employed in the construction of
their best soup in the city for ten cents
a plate, including roll.
"No, suppose it is not" continued
the guest g / suppose it is not; pre-
sumo you use these little black, red
spotted specimens that infest woodland
brooks and bird-stores at three for a
quarter. These little polka dot rascals
that float on corks, chuck full of medita-
ton. lsuppose You get them in quanti-
ties and open them like Little Neck
clans, and spring the result on innocent
people for terrapin. Does my intellect
light on the scheme?"
The waiter didn't reply, and the guest
went on
Perhaps you use swapping turtles.
These fellows that grab at anything so
hard that it makes them tired. These
ignoble beasts that draw the skin over
their eyes when you look at them, and
who have skin enough for each eye to
make Masonic apron, strings and all,
and"
"We use iron turtle" broke in the
waiter, who was tired of being guyed.
Gan iron turtle ?"
Certainly, an iron turtle"
tTo make turtle soup?"
"Why, of course to make turtle
soup, not to make lamb stew, or fri
candeau of nightingale's soul, or an
epigramme of taper's kidney"
but" said the diner, chow do you
make soup of an iron turtle? ?"
"Why, we wind him up"
"Wind him up?"
Precisely; he has key-hole in his
back, you wind to your right, until you
can't wind any longer. Then you throw
him into the soup, and the machinery
starts, and he kicks and splashes around
for hours. We have a few eighty-day
turtles that
"But where does the nourishment
come from?" inquired the astonished
guest in tones of excitement.
"Why, from the ingredients - the
Calls head, and the beef, and the car
rots, and the lemon"
''Then what is the use of putting in
the turtle?"
"Why, he furnishes the notion"
"What, motion in soup?"
cot course we throw him into the
soup, and he splashes around with his
great paddle feet"
"To tone the system with iron ?"
ooh, no, just to keep the soup from
burning. It's a great deal cheaper to
work the turtle than to hire boy to dc
the stirring"
Then the out-guyed diner left with
sadful look, as though he had just come
down stairs with some manuscript, and
half dozen series of editorial foot.
prints all over him.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
Surface Accomplishments.

That reading does not necessarily
make cultivated person is a truth not
generally apparent, even TO eonscien-
tious readers who suppose themselves to
be going through process of cultiya-
ton. There is comparatively small
pleasure in talking Of book and subjects
connected with literature with an uncuI-
tured person. however he may be in the
habit of reading; while in the presen1e
of cultivated men and women, aim, $,
the first word reveals that the reading
has been assimilated and become a part
of their mental substance, SO to SPEAK !,
and there is felt at once q common
ground to move upon, an unspoken IN
derstanding Of each others point Of view.
Atlantic Monthly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

Mr. Conkling has outraged all the
finer feelings OF the New York lawyers.
lie has actually been detected in eatinga
ham Sendwich in the courtroom. Ii is
true that the statutes of New York do
not make this felony punishable by
hanging. but tirst-class New York law
yers who pay from one to three dollars
for their lunches, regard the ofTense rs
objectionable.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

THE United States navy has only one
vessel that can attain speed of more
than twelve miles an hour. This is the
correct principle to build navy on.
The contingency Of having to flee from
an enemy was not considered. -Roches-
ter Chronicle,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

One OF our fifth warderS is in the
habit Of getting little smoky and
staying out late nights. He was asked
by his spouse, the other morning. what
time be got home the night before.
He said lit was either fifteen minutes
of twelve. or twelve minutes of fifteen.
he didn' know 'zactly which. Port
dqc Democrat.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
"Job Lot.

why so gloomy this morning,
Jacob?A
All, my poor leetle Peniamin Levi
he is teadi"
Dead? You surprise me. How did
it happen?'
Veil, you see, leetle Peniamin he vas
at der synagogue to say his prayers,
and a poy put in his het at der door
and cries, Job Lot and leetle Pepia-
min he vas gilt in der crush "-Ls(e.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
Rather Maferialisfic.

A little boy asked mamma" the fol-
lowing questions, to which all of mann
mas answers are not yet recorded +:
Mamma, if bear should swallow me
/ should die, shouldn't II" YES, dear. {"
And should go to heayen?" Eyes.
dear. "And would tho bear have to
go too?"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

A German friend of the editor of the
Newport (Ky.) Journal advised him
when he got married. '.Lif in Won
room ondil you so many schildren got
YOU must two rooms haf-it vas peter
ta-grawl opp as schump COP and fall
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

The use of the term
" Short Line" in con-
nection with the corpo-
rate name of a great
road, conveys an idea
of Just what is required
by the travelling pub
liza Short Line. Quick
Time and the Best of
accommodations-allof
nc greatest railway in
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

The partnership heretofore existing the Howe
this day dissolved H. authorized
settle the business of said firm
laon for for their and them
and friendship. GEORGE HOWE
July ?, 1888. c. H. BAXTER
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

A Michigan woman describes her alb
sconding husband as Of ''fried-pork
complexion.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09

The match last year was similar, so
far as marking and targets are con-
cerned, to the system observed this year.
The team scores were as follows:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
.Nc,r York Times.

British I8i035St3tllNia5 l2q33i3lsOT' ql3lt qS5
Americans 3Si SGal8t3 Itl43 .2SS 27l l296 762 SIS
--t---t-- t---l ---- i----l--- -----
british lead $ II 1g.j IS ~ II lsl 40
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
CHICAGO,
gTIlWUAKEE
ANe ST AuL.


1t owns and operates over 500 miles Of road in
Northern Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa
and Dakota; and as its main lines. branches and
connections reach all the great business centers
Of the Northwest and Far West, it naturally
answers the description of Short Line, and Best
Route between
Chicago. NEiwaukee.s st. PauIand Win
neapolis.
Chicago, milwaukee, La Crosse and
Chica go. milwaukee,. Aberdeen and
Glendale.
Chicago, niIv alIfeee. Eau Claire and
Chiea 90, milwaukee, wausau and Fer-
riil.
Chicago, milwaukee, Heavier Dam and
Oshkosh.
Chicago, milwaukee,, Nauxcsisa and
OcOnomOWoc.
Chicago, milwaukee. Madison and
Chicago. HTiIvvaukec, oyyatonna and
EaribauIt.
Chicago, EIgin, Rockford and Du-
buque.
Chicago, Clinton, Rock Island and Ce-
Chicago, Council Bluffs and Omaha.
Chicago, Sioux City, Sioux Falls and
Chicago, Milwaukee, Mitchell and
Chamberlain.
Rock Island, Dubuque. st. Paul and
minneapolis.
n e'sea "Ai>'
neapOlis.
Pullman Sieepers and the Finest Dining Cars in
the U0rid are ron on the main lines of the CHI
CA6O MILWAUKEE & ST. PAUL RAILWAY. and every
attention is paid to passengers by courteous en-
ployes Of the Company.
S. S. MERRILL. A. V. Ii. CARPENTER,
General Manager. Gen. Pass and Tiki. Agt.
J. 7. CLARK, GEO. H. HEAFFORD,
General Sup't. Asst Gen. Pass. Agt.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
General Merchandise.

This is Hunt and jackson space.
In Short Time they will have Something TO Say about
Their BIG ARRIVAL of SEASONABLE GOODS
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
Railroads,
Arrival and Departure OF Trains.
Chicago a Northwestern Hallway.

Passenger. 40 p M Passengcr. Z 400 a m
do do =. $40 p M do do -. 2:30 p m
Observation-Disclosures.
GOING NORTH. GOING SOUTH
Galena Fr't.. $3.50 M Gaena Fr't.. 20 d m
do Pass 1905 IN do Pass. $40 D IN
Mad'n FRI. 1850 p m GOING NORTH.
Nil. Pass -. $40 b IN Galena Pass 10;O5 a m
Nad'n Frt.. 1910 m Mad'n Fr't... IL 80 D m
GOING EAST. Mil. Pass. $40 y m
Madn Fr't.. 900 a m Mad'n Frt 2:1O u m
Mil. Pass. 1910 a m GOING EAST.
Madn Fr't.. II 100 a IN Mad'n Frt. 900 A m
GOING SOUTH. Mil. Pass -. 10:10 a IN
Galena Pass. $3.50 N Mad'n Frt,... II 90 IN
MADISON
GOING EAST. GOING WEST
Passenger. / 10 p m Passenger. gao D IN
CHICAGO.
Passenger. 200 p mlPassenger, - 900 a m
w. II. DECKER. Agent,
June ~, 1883. Lancaster, Wis.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-09
SH()R'
lin E E.

which are furnished by tho
America.