Delaware state journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1870-1883, 1883-08-16
HERE and THERE.


-Phiiadetphin Retos
Suppose our leading oitizan's victory
over the South SHa ISLANDER will eount as
a victory for Christianity over heather.
ism.-Bostoa {5si.
In summer hotel kitchen "Good
gracious here ia another order for
chicken salad, and there is not an ounce
of veal left in the house"
Farmer Jones thinks II was great
mistake to make the earth three quar ters
water. That's what makes land 80 con-
founded high, he says Boston Iransc, ipt.
A Newport swell changes his collar
three times each day. One would
naturally think he would wash his neck
once in while, instead, --L1UM Citizen.
Tire worst pun ever made "upllo,
boy Has your paper anything more
about the earthquake "No, sir not
in this lsohia. "--LonisciHe Courier Jour
nal.
Mixed identity George (wbo is burn
ing the midnight oil and hears step on
the stairs,) Smother Mother" The
cook embarrassed, but equal 10 the
occasion "lt's not me, me son. "-3he
| Continent.
mark twain has had set upin Emira,
| N. Y, solid stone watering trough by
| the roadside for each of his three chill
dren." Marks children must be very
thirsty set. They probably have their
fathers dry humor.
A New York police inspector declares
that there are very few rich thieves, and
that nearly all die miserable paupers in
| the prisons" Evidently that inspector
has not the entree iuto New York society.
Philadelphia Neos.
| In reply to the Czar's query of one Of
the maids of honor as to how she enjoyed
the coronation, the reply was ooh,
ever 30 much, Your Majesty. hope we
shall soon have another" The maid is
summefing in Siberia.
81 wish had drink" remarked Mrs.
Fogg, shut don't like to go to the foun-
tain, there are 30 many men there"
you've just rs good a right there as
they have" said Fosg "don't you see
the motto, For man and beast p"
| Ex-President Wright of the Northern
Pacific railroad has given 100000 for
tue establishment of college at Tacoma,
w. I. When they get it to running
/
degiltry OF the students l--BoStoa Post.
A Memphis woman last week, in all
defiance of the heated term, scared her
husbond, delighted the doctor, and
boH'ned tie local census with triplets-
big,6 rong, healthy and all boys. Nothing
serious, only little son shower bur
lingion Hawkeye.
The New York IiibNae says: "There ia
occasion for raising more heifer calves.
Cows are high all over the United
States" Well, what of iii By raising
the heifers won't they be- as high as the
COWS 7 What is the Tribune giving us =
Boston Transcript.
A combination of umbrella and fishing
pole, the latter being in sections and
hidden by the umbrella folds, has been
patented. The inventor is, We believe, a
Connecticut deacon, who likes to take
long walks for quiet meditation on Sun
day fmimieiphia Mems.
"Mama, what's hook worm 70 "oae
, who loves to read and study and collect
books, my dear" the mex. night com.
pany called. Miss Eii!h, VINO wears
, rings innumerable, was present. "on,
mama, look at Miss Ediih3 rings guess
she is ring worm, aiu't she 2"-Spriny.
fsM (O) NeOs.
! Said Deacon Rich: "They found 9
: bottle Of whisky in the carriage In which
/ Deacon llogg and | rode to the funera
did they ! and does llogg try to tuck thu
q ownership Of it oil on me and say 1t fel
out Of my pocket I'll publish card il
the paper denying all knowledge of it
Eli He claims it and wants it given NJ
q to him By Jove, he shau't have it 2 III
a sue for it If necessary. Boston Post.
, "Say, sis," remarked the high schoo
. girls brother, you ought to zee new
4 chap we've got at the store; he dom
4 know beans.' "Can never teach yor
) to use proper language" inquired tn,
+ high school girl severely "you SHOULD
+ not say, He don't know beams but III,
e is not sufficiently yersed in botany to re
a eoenize the matured ovule of a common
. leguminous plant. DOL City Derrick,
Once upon time when great floot
swept down the Missouri, settler re-
leased his hogs from their pen, and drov,
them to higher ground. When he re
turned to rescue his wife and children h,
found that they had been swept away b,
the flood. After gazing upon the seem
q moment, he remarked to neighbor
well, su all-wise Providence has lef
4 NE prime lot o. pork, anyhow"
n Porter, wake me at Harrisburg" ant
the passenger in the chair car dropped
half dollar into the eolored mans hand
: Al Altoona the porter shook the pGssen
: Her and said: ''B1ss, ws's jes' half wa,
TO Harrisburg now" "WelI, what ar
you waking me for % You SEE, 70,
done gimme half dallah, aah, an dat
> twice - much as mos men gimme, so
A fought I'd sib you to vakiu's .ur it, on
: hyar aud cae Ut Har,'sb- 8.
I. General Tom Thumb was bright al,
t witiy to the iaet. 1t is said that Just a
n he was getting IN the home stretch ant
d putting in his hast pneumatiJ liaks be
b fore xxi firing, he Wiuked at his rpiritua
r adviser, who was converted barkseper
g aid said : 81. they kesp ma fuY post
} norton show for week reckon mi b.
+ az great drag as ever, only don't let Ber
n nun get me and advertise me as the big
4 gest thing on e."--.San Hiaacheo Ne,o
f Letter.
d "We'l, ia k, l suppose you are train
0 ing that terrier pay | gave you las
. month "Well, NJ, Jim. I'm afraid tina
n H"t1 VIII h0NSt AulpuhL w ulltltt - - HOW /
& that ~ "Well, you see wanted to Gro,
his tail, 80 | hold him over a stumJ
' while brother Tom chopped Tom, yor
q know, is little cross eyed, and h,
S chopped little too high up. The tsii's
+ all right but there's hardly enough dos
left to pay for training it, as it were
e San EroHcis"1 Post.
The Chinese have an ingenious way o.
0 protecting carrier pigeons from birds OF
4 prey. They tasten to the tail feathers
a compact system of reeds, eight or 10 in
number, not weighing over a grain OF
two, which, in the passage of the pigeon
, through the air emits whistling sound
l shrill enough to scare the would be
depredators. We should think the CON
trlvance would scare the pigeon also, or,
at leSst, make it wonder what the Mephis,
topheles was the matter with his tail.-
Boston POST
One of the Seventh regiment guards.
who was on duty al tho PaekskilI en
campment one night, was approached BY
q short aud stout msn in unitorm. who
walked with his hands p aced on the br 81,
of his stomach. "Who goea there ~
, called the sentinel, presenting his mus
, ket. 81 am der band" said the stout
man In mOurnful tone. s'Well, have
you got the counteTgigu 2" the euards
inquired, "No,' said the stout man
sadly, but haf got der collie. Please
lot me pass till I 70 hy der hospital tent.
PROOF rapdAr nvpifull,, ;,rnd;.z Al,