Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1883-10-11
HUI MOROUS.

dude has been Ia existence only IA few
months, and we now have the dudine
In all essential points she IL the exac
/ counterpart Of her male type, excep
that, with wcman's snbtlety, she la.
gone degree deeper in vacuousness
IL must, however, be acknowledged
, that the dudine has q more rational ba
sis Of existence than the dude. She il
"a living protest against the over.intel
lectuality .cf American women, and
exactly represents in terra Gotta colors
the beautiful vegetation which great
many men fall in love with. She
clings, weeps, signs and gigges She is
trussed, harnessed, pinioned, pinched
laced and compressed. She has reduced
the problem Of existence toa Irritation
behind tan. She walks with the aid
of chiropodist She eats with the aid
of p"psin and hot water. She sleeps
with the aid of bromide of potassium
She exercises in an elevator. She plays
Camille" in her dreams, and eats ca
ramels and reads Zola when she is
awake She Is u sort of bow of promise
in the social sky that the continent will
not be over-populated.
"Well, madam" says the head Of the
house, who has apparently got out Of
bed on the wrong side, what have you
for breakfast this morning? Boiled
eggs. eho 1t seems to me that you
never have anything but boiled eggs.
Boiled eg s--boiIed E-ebus And what
else, madam, may l ask?" Mutton
chops. my dear" answers the wife, tim
idly. Mutton chops" echoes the
husband. bursting intoa peal of Sar-
donic laughter, Mutton chops
could have guessed It, by the living
jingo, madam, if ever eat another
meal inside of this house" And,
jammiug on his hat and sIamming the
door, the aggrieved man bounds down
the steps and betakes himself to the
restaurant. What'I you have sir?"
asks the wal er politely, handing him
the bill of fare. "Ah," saws the guest
having glanced over il, q" let me zee.
Bring me two boiled eggs and a mutton
chop"
Mrs Brown aud her little daughter,
Edith, were sitting in her parlor when
q visitor-NIrs. Spriggins, tleckled-
faced lady--entered. During the usual
saluiations, and for some time after.
ward, Edith kept her eyes gu the WISH
tor. " Why, Edith" exclaimed her
mother at last, cit isn't polite to stare
at a lady SO. sob, don't mention it,
Mrs. Brown" said Mrs. spriggins, ad.
ding to Edith, "you like to look at me,
don't you, dear ?" Edith did moi
answer this question directly. She did
not turn her eyes, however, and finally
came the question "Be you the tat.
tooed lady 2" Mrs. Spriggins smiled
as though she was biting someboly's
head OH, and said really she would have
to 20.
Uncle Ike, very hungry, and late for
dinner, with little boy on behind him,
was one day riding mule home.
TELL you what, Uncle Ike, 'possum
mighty good ting" " Yes, tls," said
Uncle Ike, ;ls the mule struck trot. |
=" Specially when you got lots o. gravy
wild him" Uncle Ike was silent and
seemed restless. An when you got
some roasted 'taters to sop in de prl
w, said the boy. Uncle Ike used his
switch with nervous energy, and the
mule increased his speed to palop.
" Yes, Uncle Ike, when de postum |
right brown, and the gravy drenin' out,
an" You shet your mont, you lit
tie fool! You'll make dis mule run of |
and kill us boat"
a postman left two letters at the resi- |
d"nce OF Chicago minister, both of |
which contained al application for his
services to perform the marriage cere-
tnony at the same time. 81 hardly |
know what to do" he remarked to his
wife. u can't accommodate them
both. Let me see, Mr.. A has been
married before, has be not 2" "Oh,
, es, replied his wife, she lost his first
" lie six months ago" "And Mr..
f. is a bachelor ." Yes" "TLat i
settles it,Ihen. shall marry Mr.. b.
W hen man nlarries the second time
he never pays the minister any more
han the law allows. but young bache-
ors are sometimes very foolish" and
Jhe good man rubbed his hands mildly.
An old Presbyterian divine was one
lay walking down the road, and, on
observing small boy with great patch
IN on the dome of his trousers, remark
81 " If thou sittsst 80 much, my lad,
III to wear out thy trousers seat, thou
must be very lazy, aud thou canst,
therefore, never amount 70 much."
u But didn't wear them ont sitting
town. replied the lad, as he wiped his
hat across his face. Thou didst not ."
observed the reverend gentleman, with
smile. No, didn't" said the boy |
my teacher wore them out hammering
ne with ruler" And the holy man
passed down the road buried in deep
Colonel Yerger is losing his eycsight,
'ut his appetite is just about the same
n ever. He gets his dinners at hotel
md his impaired vision is a source of
great distress to him. When he was
Isked If he experienced any incon.
,enience, he replied, elnpha,ically: 81
honld say so. can't read this bill of
are properly. ! am hungry yet from
Missing two kinds Of fish day betorel
yesterday, and skipped the custard
he yesterday and overlooked some .
resh berries they had to-day. I'm.
jared vision is a great atfiiction. | can t
ever tell now when l am through
Inner.
or course woman can keep a secret
great deal better than man can. One
title secret can last woman through |
wo-h0ur shopping excursion, q mite
ociety, a missionary circle, ten calls
nd household furniture auction, and
here's enough Of it left to tell her hus
and when he gets home. Now, a
nan would forget three-fiiths of DO Ii