The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-04-18
COMIC COMMENTS.

tell you that gold bangles are warmer than
worsted wristlets Orlenns PicdyUne.
Beauty measured by fnger-print
Beauty is only skin-deep, and sometimes it
is only as deep as the powder and paint
Boston Transcript.
Another scandal exploded: "They
say Smith and his wife do not get along well
together; is that true ?n asked Brown.
Not n bit of it. replied Fogg they're
never together "-Boston Transcript.
Too gamey: At restaurant. Dinner
-" Here, waiter, say, confound it, this
game is too much so" Waiter, handy
"Beg pardon, sir, but you're mistaken, sir.
It's the other gentleman's fish AT the next
table, sir"-Quiz
Not unlikely 81 don't say all think"
remarked Brown, when pressed for his
opinion of the representative of his district.
I" 1 should think you might" replied Fogg,
land not be pressed for time, ether
Boston Transcript
Facilitating matters: Pelagre, my
boots, said Nine. d. 10 her maid. Hurry
Titles l have asked you for them three
times" Eyes, madame, and in order to
advance matters ! am low lacing them up"
From Tie Fa6nch
"A big ear in tho case: "What idiot
has carried off my pen? exclaimed M Aus
tin lawyer, angrily, during the trial of a
case in the District Court "Colonel you
have got it behind your ear" remarked one
of the lawyers. "Just where / thought j.
was. "--TGeas SJyings
Pressed for time: II a man desires to
express himself logically, he must not allow
himself to become aunied, as was the casa
with an Austin man, who was very much
annoyed by frequent callers, and who finally
exclaimed: "There is no minute in the day
that / can have quiet half hour to myself
Teas sttsings
Fortunate Adolphus: "By Joye y ex-
claimed Adolphus, strolSing the capillary
suggestions on his superior lip; "the fel.
lows say that a moustaeho hides the express
sion of n fellows face and they're all going
to shave before taking part in our theairi.
calls" "How fortunate !" was the sympa.
thete reply of Julia; "you won't have to
shave, will you ?n- Boston TRANSCRIPT.
He dropped her: "How did you come
to break of your engagement with Miss
Snowflake" asked Uncle Nose of Andy
Perkins, an Austin darkey Gin de fust
place, Uncle Nose, she wasn't berry young,
and she didn't hab no money and jawod
like de debbel; and secondly, she wouldn't
hab me and went and married anudder mig.
gah--so tuck de advice oh my frens and
jes: drapped her. Teas SJtiags.
Fifty per cent. profit: off you were
suddenly reduced to abjeot poverty, what
business would you start in at?7 asked mn
Austin young man of Nose Schaumburg.
"Iu dot CASE" responded Nose, slowly, 81
would go into pishness in small way, in
,ich l could make fifty per silent profit
"What kind OF business 2" 81 You'd
sphlit matches and sell ~ Teas SIT
ings
NO need of scene, you know: Bella
-" So you were engaged to both of lis al
once! Very honorable, nm sure aud a.
for me-" Augustus" Oh well, whats
the use of making scene? Father says
our house is going to suspend payment DO.
fore March, and knew one of you, at least,
would break off with me then, and things
would have been all right again. "-LUs
"A matter of times limo and agnin,
without any gain to himself, however, has
an Austin tailor, Mr. Pinkney French, dun
ned DIR. W. r. Rodes The latter has been
owing the former a tailor's bill for the last
four years. doctor | am losing great
deal of time trying to collect that bill,n said
French. You will get MI your time back
am going to pay you in time. Teas
Siflings
"A wife to be proud of: Billiard Water
bury was calling attention TO his shirt, which
was very neatly made and which he said
with pride, was made by his vito. "Did
she make the entire shirt Z" asked Gilhooly,
earelessly. Every stitch of it," "Well,
didn't know. ] heard that she always col
Jared and cuned you, but didn't know who
made the rest of the shirt - Texas Siftings
Why they were not disturbed: "Wero
You not excited, colonel, when the fire bells
rang last night ?" was asked of Little Rock
gentleman. "Oh, no, for you see my
building stands off to itself aud is not in
sured, consequently it would have no excuse
to burn; were you excited?" mo; for
you see my building is surrounded by lot
of shanties and is insured "--Arkansao
Iraoeler.
Little Edith scores point: "My
mothers awful fickle," said little Edith TO
Mrs. Smith, who was making call
"When she saw you coming up tho street
she said: There's that horrid Mrs. Smith !;
Ihope she isn't coming here and minute
after she told you she was real glad to seq
you. Mother says I'm tickle, but I guess l
don't change my mind as quick as that
Boston Transcript.
-Gunter's incarceration :sSA gentleman
while bathing at sea saw his lawyer rise up
OF his side after long dive. After ex-
changing SITUATIONS says he. "By the
way, how about Gunter?n ''He is in JAIL"
replied the lawyer and diyed again. The
gentleman thought no more of it, but on
getting his account he found: ITO con-
sultation at sea about the incarceration of
Gunter, So. "-SpriagieId Republican.