The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-11-29
Uncle Rufus and His Dudes.

| U1cle hutuS anu Ills UuQoSI
In the opinion of experts in such
matters Millions blind eyes saw, or
/ foresaw, the Yellowstone Park, with its
He'll Half Acre and Devil Paint Pot.
At least, no one can see the wonders of
that region without being convinced
that Lucifer, son of the morning, had
veritable habilation. 1t was reserved
Tor this skeptical age to discover on the
same principle that the wind is temper
ed to the shorn lamb. In the spirit,
no doubt, of Christian philanthropy,
Uncle Rufus Hatch got up that Yel
lowstone excursion of last summer.
participated IN by few Americans and
good many foreigners. 1t was theo-
| logical excursion, with spouting geys-
| ers for lecturers. The class was very
largely made up of dudes from over the
water.
1t seems that the dude has a great
| liking for trunks. The ordinary tour
ist going upon such a trip found one
trunk ample for his purposes, but the
| amateur travellers had at least dozen
apiece, their luggage baggage is vul-
gar) being made up of everything,
from paper-cutter to side-saddle. "
Of course, ''bawth-tub" was essential.
No Englishman, old or young, would
think of travelling anywhere, by land
or water, without his 'bawth.h No mat
! ter if he were crossing the Sahara and
knew that rot drop of water could be
spared for ablutions he would want his
| conveniences therefor all the same.
And speaking of baths recalls one of
! tho aricndo- in, tho liunS nf tho dIldnC
which may as well be related here. 1t
seems that a bevy of them started out
from camp one day to lave their deli
cate limbs in the tepid waters of a
mild-mannered sulphur spring a few
| miles from camp. Some wicked young
men who were not dudes conceived the
unhallewed purpose OF playing game
on them, so starting on fleet horses
they enlisted the services of a few cow
boys, always alert for fun Obeying
| instructions the boys pounced down up
ON the bathers with the terrifying or
der, .shold up your hands, and then
proceeded to rob them of everything
not absolutely necessary to decency.
| Strapping their booty to their mustangs
| the raiders rode away. There was moth
| ing for the dudes to do but to meekly
| don their few remaining garments and
| go back, sad and despairing. In due
| time the robbers" were captured and
| the plunder recovered. The glad dudes
were assured that the gang had been
| suspended, drawn, and quartered, and
would never more molest bathers; but
no more risks of that kind were run
| during the excursion.
The very first adventure was of a
| quasi-criminal nature. The proper
! travelling garb of the dude is almost a
| fac siInile of the conventional peniten-
/ tiary stripes, and, of course, his hair is
| clipped close. One of the places pass
| ed through was Joliet. At Davenport,
| Uncle Rufus received what purported
TO be q dispatch from the warden of the
| state prison there, asking for the ar
| rest and return TO Joliet of party of
| fugitive prisoners who had boarded his
special train, and were supposed to be
I passing themselves off for members of
the party. This was read aloud to the
! entire company, and as if by magic the
stripes disappeared, exchanged for
| plain black. 1t must have been an in
/ finite relief 10 the suspects to be well
out of Davenport and beyond the dam
| ger of being conviets by proxy.
Uncle Rufus showed a disposition to
| shield from censure even the landlord
who charged 81 a bottle for stale
| beer and So a plate for breakfast.
| Everybody, in fact, except the wicked
| Chicago reporter, who took it upon
| himself to ventilate some of the eX-
| ploits of the dudes; but of him the old
| gentleman could make total wreck,
and not feel a twinge of remorse. The
truth is that q. r. is a brilliant reporter
| himself. DIR. Holmes showed the world
of letters that every man may be his
cWn Boswell, as Mr.. Hatch, more
modern than the Doctor, frequently IL
lustrates the feasibility of every man
being his own jenkins. 1.-TWO of a
trade can never agree" says the pro-
verb. 1t is to be hoped that the iden-
tlty of the newspaper demon from
Chicago will be as carefully conceal
ed as the identity of Junius, for it
would be a great calamity to have the
hero of the Yellowstone Park expedi-
ton end his days at a ropes end. How
desirable the demolition of the demon
might be in itself considered, the gain
would be out of all proportion to the
ultimate price paid for it.
! 1t is easy enough to understand how
bncle Rufus, as the head of the Yellow
stone Park Improvement Company,
should spend his money freely in en-
tertaining eminent journalists, states
men, educators, and scientists but why
his selection of guests should have in
1 cluded lot of dudes it is difficult to
see. 1t is safe, however, to conclude
that he had keen eye to the ultimate
profits of the investment. The class is
large, and if the tide of dudery can
only be turned in that direction the
fortunes of the company will be assur-
ed, and the Interesting uncle will get
his money back with compound inter
est,-Chieago Inter Ocean,