The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1883-10-11
HOW HE REDUcED HIs FLEsa
Sends an order for Six Dinners.
IFrom tho Arkansaw Travolef. !

Il
| sFrom tho Arkansaw Traveler.J
Colorel NuckIin whose great 6esh be
came b rden, declared that he woul,
diet ms If.
"Why," he said to bis wife, sif L keev
on this way I'll soon be as big as DAME
Lambert. It all comes of my eating tot
much, and I eat too much i'm yielding "a
J the demands of an enormous appetite.
Now, a man can't be free man and al
low his appetite to control him /; SO,
Mary, fix me little dry toast and few
grits after this. I'll be hanged il Im
GOING around town putting like an en-
gine." ... .o.....
For several days the colonel lived on
his toast and grits. He would dream Of
| juicy beefstakes and chops OF tempting
tenderness, and once, ON his way down
town, he unconsciously stopped in front
( of catfish restaurant to watch O hungry
negro eat boiled cabbage. Every news
| paper he took up spoke of great dinners
and what certain men ate, and, stopping
once. he mechanically took up q piece OF
paper that tluttered toward him, and
crushed it. when he discovered that it
vas bill Of fare. The first Sunday
night after the beginning of his trials he
attended church, where, he declared,
one could sit free from suggestions OF
something to eat. Ho looked round at
the fat men and wondered if they were
hungry, and his mouth watered when he
suddenly remembered having seen a
roast pig somewhere during the day.
Tho minister arose and began to talk
about the Lords Supper. He was inn
aginative, and had tho table stocked
| with oil the delicacies of the season.
Hc spoke Of the venison stew into which
the beJrayer supped with his master.
and be turned the cold roast around SO
the colonel could see it. Then he ex-
hibited baked duck, and taking up o
handful of Saratoga potatoes, he scat
tered them over the table.
"Ill be Billy be John Drowned if can
stand Snis," the colonel said to his wife,
and he turned away. At supper he ate
his toast, which he declared was not
enough to tickle his throat, and he ac-
cused his wife for making no allowance
in nearing the end Of the loaf He was
determined, though, for every one who
knew Of his fast spoke of how rapidlybe
was "goirg down."
ooh, III stick it out" he would say.
II would" said an acquaintance "you
are somewhat literary in your turn.
Colonel, and suppose you derive COM
fort from Byrons trials
eyes," the colonel replied, although
he knew no more of Byron than quar-
antinc officer does of the yellow fever
germ.
Byron was not very fat, which, to-
gether with the nad condition of his feet.
made him an objecv &C PITY, but when he
hegan to diet himself his flesh went down
gradually and became firm, while his in.
tcllect became bright. So, you see, you
have two aims to accomplish, not saying
that your mind needs frightening"
"Oh, no, tho colonel said. Watching
n boy who passed with string Of fish.
Thus the struggle was kept up. One
morning when the colonel sat IN his
Office a lank tramp entered and said:
"WiIl you please give mo the price OF c
II meal? I'm 80 hungry that am near
ing starvation"
T'm devilish sight hungrier than
you are," The colonel replied.
"Why don't you en-,
because l want to reduce my flesh"
"That's all foolishness," ," the trampre
piled. "Some time ago I was Oh cor
oncr's jury and we held an inquest over
II man who had starved to death. Oh,
but he was a whopper, as fat rs he could
wallow. The neighbors said that he
was trying to reduce his flesh and"
caro- those facts that you are stat
ing?"
J eyes, sir ; facts rs solemn as the west
side of a sepulchre when the sun is in
the east"
The colonel gave his bell a vigorous
ring, and when the porter appeared he
said
"Go to the nearest restaurant and
order meals for six men,"
"Six men !" exclaimed the tramp.
eyes, sir, for 1 suppose you are rs
hungry as two men, and know mighty
well I'm rs hungry rs four"