The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-03-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

Wa hNA AAOmVhs
A. In India one day an Englishman sat
With smart, native lass at the window,
do your widows burn ihemsc.vcSI Pray tell
me thatt"
Said the pretty, inIuisltive Hindoo.
do they burnf That they do the gentleman
suid,
with II ftame not SO easy 10 smother:
Our winows, the Inoinent one husband Is lead.
Immediately burn--for another
The expense Of cigars should be- put
down ~ among closes by fire.
The proprietors of ice house, make
many cool thousand in the course Of
Year.
In Siam the people worship the cle-
plant. la this country they only want
To see him.
Kate Field failed because one Of her
new clerks one day forgot to ask one Of
the customers, Anything clse?'
The real glove fight occurs when u
woman tries to put on No. 6glovcs on
a No. hand.
A young lady is not like a tree You
can not estimate her age by counting
her rings.
A new story is called by Passion
Rocked. Some one has been getting
mad and throwing small stones.
A new patent ballot-boX has been in
vented which it is said .knocks the
stufling out of the old kind.
The newest smile in Texas i, .'over in
Mexico, where the soil is poorer than an
amateur concert" etc.
An economical woman after the death
of her infant used the remainder OF her
soothing sirup to poison rats.
People say that blackbcrries are good
for the complexion; but who wants q
blackberry complexion
1t is Great consolation to see a
plumber compelled to buy something at
a retail drug store.--Phiia. Times.
Many male brute who snarls and
growls at his wife in public. is very low
ing and tender when no one else is
around. He has to be.
The operators in mythical mines are
always willing to let you in; but there is
quite difference between letting YOU In
and letting you win.
1t has now become fashionable in
eastern cities to be married as early as
6 o'clock in the morning. This gives a
fellow long day to repent in.
Simpson says that when he asked the
girl who is now his wife to marry him
she said Il don't mind" and she never
has minded.
A mule never kicks the same object
twice. Probably for the same reason
that lightning never strikes twice in the
same place-it doesn't have TO.
A new method of making up" ladies'
faces will soon be in vogue, vein of
natural paint having been discovered in
Westmoreland county, Pennsylvania.
The question as to who Is Inc hand
soonest woman in America il still in
dispute, but thousands of girls believe
that if it wasn't for their freckles they'd
justly be entitled to that distinction.
The are raising a row with young
man In New Jersey who was engaged to
marry thirteen different girls. It's get
ting so man can't have any fun at all
in that state.
Character OF journalist by another
journalist: HE is the best fellow in the
world indulgent to the vices of all his
friends and merciless only to their vir-
tues"
"Tcll your lawyer everything freely
and clearly" said wise father in ad.
vising his son, who had got into trouble.
at is the lawyers business TO touch
things up afterward.
One cause of poverty and distress
among fellows who marry before they
can raise mnstachc is that they gener-
ally become fathers OF Nv inS before they
are proprictOrs of two pair Of pants.
A New York plumber is said 10 have
died from ovcrwork. II is terribly hard
on man 10 hng the cook aud solder u
sink SPOUT at the same time. LOreH
Citizen.
A female physician in Il New York
town is charged with commencing q post
mOrtem examination before the patient
vas dead. She is entitled To the medal
rs the most inquisitivc woman on rec
ord.
The New York Snn has been showing
how to live on $40 week. but up to the
hour of going to press very few young
men on IL salary of So a week have sue
ceeded in accomplishing the feat-of
getting $40.
"Poor fellow, he died in poverty"
said man of a person lately deceased.
THAT isn't anything" exclaimed a
seedy bystander. dying in poverty is
no hardship. It's living in poverty that
puts thumbscrews on fellow
The queen of Servia writes all her
husbands letters while he pays billiards.
There are not many wives in this
country who would do that much, but
we can point ont few who make it q
point to read all their husbands letters.
And wise women they are, too.
II is said-we have nevertried the ex-
periment-that when one is hurled into
the air by the bursting of y boiler he
thinks OF all the evil he has committed
In a long life. II this be true there are
some men in this country who would
have to stay up about three months in
order to do this subject justice.
IAN Englishman shooting small game
in Germany said to his host that there
was spice of danger in shooting in
America. '.Ah," said the host, ''you
like danger NIT your sportp Then you
60 out shooting NIT me. The last time
I shoot mine bruder-in.law in the
schtomack."
A Washington lady went to l2
o'clock breakfast, then to 2 o'clock
lunch. next a tea" from to 6, then to
a dinner at 1880, and afterwards to re-
ception, and finally to german. When
she got homo she found her husband
rocking the cradle with one hand and
trying to darn his stockings with the
other.
A Troy man had his ear ripped of by
buzz-saw. An excited young doctor,
who had been starving for seven months
for his first case. stuck it on backward,
sewed 1t fast, and it grew. And now
that man looks like crack trotter wait
ing to get the word, and he can hear
half way around tho square In both di.
rections.
ibid you get any orders?" asked the
boss of the drummer who had just re-
turned from his first trip. "Any orders?"
echoed the drummer; 'that's the
trouble; that's all / did get. I was
ordered out of every shop l went into
before could sell thing. Oh. yes,
orders enough. if that's all fellow
wants"
A young man in Kansas, who wanted
to teach school, but couldn't tell hori.
zontal from perpendicular. and when