Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-07-28
BRIGHT BITS.

TALK about your fish stories, the big
gest of the season isn't a sideshOw to the
legend zone dollar on the American
eighty-five cent piece.-Ou City Derrick
If A WORKMAN tells you the buZZ-saw
is moving take his word for it, and don't
make any foolish bets, as you're liable to
lose your fingers along with the stakes
LOUeU Citizen.
THE JOKE of nominating General Crook
for President appears to be taken serious
". A number of newspapers have com
menced to abuse the gentleman as if he
were pickpocket.-Nelo Orleans Plea
yu1ee
THE EDITOR of the Elmira Herald was
compelled to suspend the publication of
his paper owing to the strain on his
''nervOus system" Think of it-a news
paper man with a nervous SYSTEM
Rochester Post Express.
The NEW JERSEY LAW prohibiting
the sale of tobacco to boys under sixteen
years of age is not grand success. The
small boy hires his big brother to buy the
tobacco, and then goes halves with him on
the tobaccO.-BOSt0R Post.
IT Is a common saying that woman
can't keep a secret as well as man. All
bOsh. Why, woman will keep secret
that man would forget in two hours,
She never loses her grip on 1t till she gets
better Burlington Free Press.
THREE PERSONS have sued a Rochester
paper for libel, claiming 100000 in eacn
case. Almost any editor can put his
hand in his pocket and fork over $500, 900,
but he won't do it. He prefers to let the
law take its course and cut down the sum
to six cents. Editors are just that mean.
-NOrTiStOlcn Herald.
PROFESSOR HARRIS, of the Concord
School of Philosophy, says: "That which
should be continued by its environment
might be still finite if it could arrive at an
environment of a different kind, which did
not continue it." And right in the face of
this statement the telegraph operators
struck !-Hdrtord Post.
HE'D been waltZing with his hosts
ugly elder daughter, and was in a corner
repairing damages. Here he was espied
by his wOuld-be papa-ln-law. "She is the
flower of my family, sir" said the latter.
$50 it seems" answered the young man.
"PitV she comes off so, amt ity' he con-
tinued. as he essayed another vigorous
rub at the white spots on his coat sleeve.
MIR. JONES had very large feet, but they
did not prevent his being polite to the la
dies. One day one of the girls said to an
other: "Oh, Sarah, do you know Mr..
JOnes?" yes; | know him." "DO you
know him very welly" "Well, l should
say So" ''But, how we'll - "Oh, we are
so thick that we talk about his feet as a
matter of course, and are not bit aston
ished at their size any more" 'Ahem-l
didn't know you were engaged"
ELLA WHEELER says, in poem, that
it was sat the twilight hour when ga
dream came to my stern hearts bolted
dOor-a sad-faced dream, rObed IN the
garb of Woe" If she eats ice cream and
a pickle Just before retiring, as many
girls do, such dreams Will surely come
loafing around her stern hearts bolted
door, and she's lucky if they don't crawl
about her head and brighten the wits out
of her almost.-NOrTiStOtr Herald.
REV. DR.. SUAvETUNG was speaking of
the plaques of Egypt. ''The Children of
Israel" he said, ''were repeatedly on the
point of manumissiOn, but at the very last
moment the Lord afflicted Pharaoh with
auricular ossificatiOn." 1t is the unani-
nous opinion among the ladies of his
flock that Mr.. Suayetung is splendid
preacher. He uses such beautiful lam
guage, you knOw.-BOSt0R Transcript.
81 RATHER give man fifty dollars than
be swindled out of five dollars" said
Gillyfiower the other day. "Well, that's
strange. What's your reason for such a
conclusion"' You see, if give you
fifty dollars, that's put down on the books
to charity That looks well. The angels
look over the bOokkeeper's shoulder and
smile sweetly as the words 'to charity
are entered. But if am swindled out of
five dollars the angels go off behind the
barn and laugh, and the bOOkkeeper
heaves a sigh as he enters, TO blamed
old fool, who will never learn anything,
five dollars st, Joe Gazette,