Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-06-08

The photographers say there is no longer u
demand for Mrs. Langtry's pictures. Al
most every bald-headed citizen has provided
himself with one, we presume.
1t is said that Boston water tastes like GU.
cumbers. 1t mustbe very nice for poor people,
who could not otherwise enjoy the fashion,
able agonies attendant upon indulging in
that expensive herb.
"Your sin will surely find you out ~ said
a pastor, sadly, to drunken member of his
flock. "Well," was the thick reply, chi
guess-hic-shc won't be very likely-hic-
ter find me in."
"Why does the dude always wear a single
cye-glass ~ [Lucyl. Because he hasn't
got brains enough to look out of both eyes at
once.
''Did you ever try a case In court 2" asked
an elderly member OF the bar of dssipated
young lawyer. "Wcl, did once, sir it
was in the judges room, and was filled with
straw and bottles OF Old Rye
| Connecticut clergyman wants to know
why it is sin TO ride behind horse that can
make mile in 300, If it isn't sin to ride
behind a locomotive that makes mile min
ute. The reverend gentleman has given us
n stickcr. We suppose the sinfulness of the
| first instance lies in the fact that 50 few of
| the rarishioncrs can afford to do the same
| thing, whereas almost all of en- can afford to
Ir ln 1.nl,i ind ,Ns, .l,.,n
mile.
young Chicagoau, by the name OF Hart,
has recently fallen heir to an immense for
tune, and married the girl Of his choice. lie
now has all that Hart can wish.
In oldcn times Roman Senator used to
shut himself up for three days after eating
onions. Senators now days are often con-
fined like time, for equally good, but less
offensive reasons.
Seventy divinity students passed around
coffee and cake at recent social gathering
in Boston. 1t is well enough to learn some
suitable trade, in case ones regular business
should fail.
In one week, near Winona, Mimi, buffalo
gnuts killed over 200 mules. Please send
lowest quotations per thousand on buffalo
gnats.
The salmon caught this season in the
Penobscot have nearly all weighed over 20
pounds apiece according to the stories of
those who caught them.
Washington tailors say the right arms
of nearly all men of note are from one to two
inches larger than the lefi, all on account OF
Misunderstanding. Well, now, We wondered
why We were getting such an uncommonly
large hiceps.
A heightened citizen Of western town
acting as witness, went through the cere
mony of kissing the book. lie was howlnl
mad when the compositor announced, in tn
morning paper, that he had stepped forwar,
and "kissed the cook"
1t only costs four cents Il pound to sem
butter from Nebraska TO New York. 1t i
. undoubtedly shipped by the hair line.
usually active. So is the oraythur in othc
parts of the world.
r Min. hor-noclod brohon,s have orcori7o
c,rh ~ Nav Vol, IT, coll uomso,vo
5 ''the picked nine"
.,sock If IN ,em m, ~ vclI.d n it'll
: Wa,cr street hrot ne h,s mother chased n Il
, os hoodlums from her premises with the on,
q ,o,norv som;r,ro r,onor = s,ocl,;,r d,,o
I With rocLs and sord
$ A r,o,oh doctor hoe 1;scovorod ,ori
,hot will molo n man 1.-Two ON veors Dom
. for pjtv's sake send , marked cony of III
n to T;,icn
a +. G. Ridcou, & Co.. jewellers of
y Rorclov s,rcc, Now yor,; have ossicnc,
: will, preferences amounting I, $40 Il!
= AGENTS can now grosn n fortune
Central America il an economical place
get married. The entire t,0usu1u of IL
= bride generally consists Of piece of cote
S about yard square, and the bridegroom
t in full dress if he sports an old plug hat an
y a pair of spurs.
l. T,o .J,, ,r;,I, tho leo, yous, LA, r /,
J. hoor found yo u,o in a railroad rcs,,uro,
Itacklipr niece of Sprinr chicken without
O cold cbiscl and hammer
8 :; c,..,;,,, ,rho .,
re .,an, =. =. 80, - o,,ao,,
.~n o,u,,,.a onI ,.os, .aoara,;,a ,,uoI 10
-, ,. -, 80. =, Il,
,c so since. A friend offered 10 introduce the
h. lint they both declined
n.u,, Du;, ,a.,., ,o, .uho