Stephens City star. (Stephens City, Va.) 1881-1883, 1883-01-13
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

~ pay SuOulu De JuuScu Wy i'S t'O'e'
Silence is the better part of some
orators eloquence.
The man who lends his influence
rarely gets it back.
The meat dealer should be rich
man for he is always ready to make
steak.
The best time to offer your hand TO
lady-when she is getting out of an
omnibus.
Bow to destiny. One of these days
destiny may be polite enough to return
the compliment.
The man who was hemmed in by Il
crowd has been troubled with stitch
in his side ever since.
A new book is titled "Short Savings
of Great Men" When are we to have
"Great Savings of Short Menu
1t takes girl about four hours
longer to wash the front windows of
house than the back windows.
So long as the school-teacher keeps
the pupils in his eye nobody can deny
that he has perfect right to lash his
pupils.
Many man who snals and growls
at his wife in public is very loving
and tender when no one else is around.
He has to be.
"Whistlers are always good-natured,'
saysa philosopher. Everybody knows
that. 1t is the folks who have to listen
to the whistling that get ugly.
Somebody has discovered that the
correct pronunciation of the word
Khediveis "Kedowa." They might as
well tell us that the proper way to pro-
nounce beehive is behowa.
The town of Paris, Tex, has raised
a potato five feet long. The Colorado
beetle hasn't heard of that fashionable
summer resort. When it does we shall
read of potato bug to match.
Don't squander any time over pre-
historic man, but rather put in your
spare hours wondering if the new
family on the corner are the sort of
people to lend coffee and sugar and
baking powder.
"Jones, if burglars should come into
your house, what would you dO?" "'I'd
do whatever they required of me. I
never had my own way in that house
yet, and it is too late to begin now
yes, alas it's too late y
"What are you looking around for 50
much? p asked mother of her sixteen
year-old son, with whom she was walk
ing. II am looking around on your
account" "On my account?" eyes.
l want to pick you out good-looking
daughter-in-law."
The other day q stage driver in the
Black Hills undertook to horsewhip
the passengers into getting out of the
stage and pushing it up the hill, but
the passengers emptied their reyolvcrs
into him few times, held coroncr's
inquest, and found that he had died OF
pneumonia.
81 declare" exclaimed boarder at a
dinner table recently, "this is the most
affectionate pie l ever saw" Affection
ate pie ~ cried every one at the table,
including the landlady. Eyes, said the
boarder, "the upper and lower crusts
are SO affectionate that they won't al
low anything between them"
At dinner party the little son Of
the host and hostess was allowed to
come down to dessert. Having had
what his mother considered a sufficiency
Of fruit, he was told he must not have
any more, when, to the surprice Of
every one Of the guests, he exclaimed:
'lf You dou't give me some more I'll
tell.' A fresh supply was at once
given him, and AS soon as it was fin
ished he repeated his threat where
upon he was suddenly and swiftly re-
moved from the room, but he had just
time 10 convulse the company by eX-
clai''. ing: My new trousers are made
or . Of mas old bedroom curtains,'