The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1883-04-05
The Humors OF Examinations.

JOSEPH .. SMITH, SeC'V of state.
The Humors OF Examinations
When the Civil Service Commission gets fair
yto work We shall have, unless the Washington
neW>g ttler> have all grown rich and lazy, some
| ntrr sing additions to humorous literature
The applicant for the position of spittoon clean
or VIII be bowled out by questions which would
floor college professor: and the unucky ndi-
yiGua who fails to have all the statistics of as
tronomY at his fingers end. and complete
knowledge ofthc abstruse sciences. will have to
worry through life without obtaining the de
sired position Of a copyist in one OF the depart
nent,, one bit Of competitive examination new.
i already at hand. A Government employe at
Washington. who is ambitious for promotion.
gave the following as the qualifications nece>-
Sary for 4 citizen to become President: He
must be Il national born citizen. thirty five
years Of age and Of sound mind" And here is
another: \ candidate for a clerkShp in the
treasury department. being asked how far the
sun i from the earth. replied. Not 50 far that
! cannon DO my work. if | am given the place
want.
The writer once knew Young man who
wanted to enter the British navy. He had a
great love for the sea Il fine physique and
would DO doubt have proved credit to the SER
vice. Bur in certain directions his education
had been neglected. and he failed to pass the
examination. When asked. "Who BETRAYED our
saviour" he promptly replied, Julius Cesar"
M * 81 Pot hat II,
Commonwealth" he hesitated for a moment
before saying: II do not remember between
~ hat reign>. but Oliver Cromwell overthrow
tie commonwealth. \ writer in Chambers
journal furnishes quite a collection Of exam
pies. more OF less Humorous. To the question {:
who was ESau:' The reply was: .'Esau was a
Man who wrote fables and sold the copyright
10 publisher for a bottle Of potash In an
examination destined to test the general knowI-
edge Of Young lads about to enter the ranks of
professional student life. series of questions
was put as tests Of the reading of the candi-
dates. The following Were some of the replies
obtained from the aspiring youths: What was
the e,ar Chamber" Answer An astrono-
mer~ room hat was meant by TIE Year
Of jubilee" Answer: Leap Year. VIII 1t
was the Bronze Age" Answer: when the
new pennies became current coin of the realm. :
what are the Letters of Junius:" An
~Wcr: "Letters written in the month of June,
-"What is the Age Of Reason:" Answer:
The time that has elapsed since the person Of
that name was born"
\ student i'll popular class of physiology,
ON being asked to describe the bones of the
ann stated in the course of his reply that the
bone of the upper arm (named ''humerus" in
anatomy was called The humorous and that
It received lis name because it was known as
the '1unny-bone.'H The Latin name of the
bone had evidently become confused in the
students mind with the popular name given to
the elbow. the nerve of which on being violent
" struck, say against Il pie g of furniture.
gives rise to the wcl-kn0wn sensation of ..pins
and needles" in the arm and hand The story
j stoid Of witty Irish student, who. once up
on time. appeared before an Examining Board
to undergo an examination in medical iurispru-
dencr. The subject of examination was pois-
on>. and the examiner had selected that deadly
poison prus>lc acid as the subject of his ques-
ions pray, sir" said he to the candidate.
''What is a poisonous dose of prussc acid:"
After cositating for moment, the student re-
piled with promptitude, ''IIalf an ounce. sir
liollIiied at the extreme ignorance of the can
ddatr, the examiner exclaimed, - Half an
ounce! Why. sir, you must be dreaming. That
is an amount which would poison a community,
sir, not to speak Of an indvidual." ~WelI.
III, replied the IIibernian. IL only thought Ed
tie on the safe side when YOU a.ked poisonous
dose. . But pray, SIR continued the eX-
aniIner, intent on ascertaning the candidates
real knowledge, suppose man did swallow
half an ounce of prussc acid. what treatment
would you prescribe:' ''Td ride home for a
>tcmacll-pump," replied the unabashed student.
Are you aware, sir" retorted the examiner
that prussic acid is ii poison which acts with
great rapidity:" "Wel yes," replied the STU
deht. Then, sir, suppose you did such fool
l>h Thing rs you have Just stated" said the ex-
amner you ride home for YOUR stomach
pump and on returning YOU find YOUR patient
dead. What would you, or what could YOU do
then: asked the examiner in triumph, think
lnS he had driven his victim into a corner
whence there was no escape. "What would
do:' retorted the student. "Do!-wbv. I'd
hould pOst-mortem." For once in his life.
that examiner must have felt that dense ienor-
ance united to a power of repartee was more
than match for him.
This is but foretaStC of what is in store for
Us when the examinations begin in earnest at
the National Capitol-provided, Of course, the
Washington correspondents do their duty, as
there IS reason to believe they will They are
not usually far away when there is any fun on
hand, and the civil service conundrums will
make lots of it.