St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-08-24
SquibS.

The best fire escape-the chimney.
The safest way to exc out existence
is by practicing eke-cOnOmy.
Two heads are better than one-es-
pecially if the other fellow is guessing
tails.
The original Confederate bonds were
held by the slaves.-[ Philadelphia Bull
letin.
A boy without hands has been ar
rested in Altoona for robbery. Being
minus hands he seems to have "put
his foot in it. "
A New Hampshire dog is sick from
biting tramp. One cannot be too
careful what he eats this warm wealth
er.- Lowell Citizen.
His Honor: care you guilty or not
guilty J" Prisoner: aspects Use
guilty, sab but I'd like to be tried all
de same."- columbia Spectator.
A lecturer is telling GLOW we hear"
1t Is easily told. Somebody tells
friend of ours, and tells her not to tell.
That's the way we hear.
Hanlan is the crack sculler of the
world, but the New York policemen
still continue the skull crackers Phil
adelphia ChrOnicle-Herald.
Mint is said to keep rats and mice
out of the house. If fellow owned a
mint, he could also "keep the wolf
from the door, Boston Courier.
Oscar Wilde arrived in New York
last Saturday, but nobody knew him.
His hair was cut, and he wore long
trousers Burlington Free Press.
Josh Billings has this playful appli-
cation of see-saw: 81 saw blind
wOOdsawer. While none ever saw him
see, thousands have seen him saw"
If the hberalists keep on, they will
| finally reduce Hades to sort of FASH
iOnable pOst-mOrtem resort where sui
phur baths are furnished without extra
charge Burlington Free Press.
at was pitched without" said IA
clergyman, having NOah's ark for his
! theme, and an old baseball player
who had been calmly slumbering IL
woke with start and yelled "foul."
| The first bass from the choir came
down and put him out.
Captain, we are entirely out of am
munition," said the orderly sergeant of
Il company to an Irish captain in one
/
the battle of the Wilderness. can
tirely out ?" said the captain. ayes,
entirely out" "Fhen sase firiny!r
said the captain.
True caution: "Ma," said Jennie
Parvenu at Newport, "they say those
Smiths who have got the Jones cottage
are awful stylish and have got a pedi
gree" SCOT the pedigree, have they 7
said Mrs. Parvenu, excitedly; ''well,
you keep away from them, don't want
You to catch it, New York Mail and
Express.
"WhO held the pass of ThermopylB
against the Persian hOst2" demanded
the teacher. And the editors boy at
the foot of the class spoke up and said,
"Father, | reckon he holds an annual
on every road in the country that runs
passenger train" He went up to the
head the rest of the class went
home.-[S San Francisco Argonaut.
At one of the watering places an i'm
patient young man walked up to the
door of the bathing house in which he
thought his male companion was dress
ing, and knocking on the same, testify
inquired, "When in blazes are you 90
ing to get those pants on 7" There was
"a faint giggle, and silvery voice re-
piled, "When | get married, | sup
pose"
Prof. Paige says that "in four thou
sand years another glacial epoch will
destroy the wOrld.n With this chilling
fact staring us in the face, we should
not grumble at few hot days. 1t will
lie a cold day four thousand years
hence when we get left. Now is the
time to subscribe for the Herald 1t
will contain full particulars of the
catastrophe up to the hour of going to
press. NOrTistown Herald.
1t sometimes happens at social par
ties that IA young lady, known or sup
posed to be somewhat proficient in
music, is requested to entertain the
company at piano or in song, and
her reply is, Really, you must excuse
me, ! carn't sing, or | carn't play" as
the case may be, but she is all the time
edging toward the piano, and finally
lands at the instrument. Samuel J.
! Tilden is one of that kind of girls
San Francisco Post.