Milford chronicle., 1883-03-23
WIT AND WISDOM,

: girls Shoe
h WHAT is the boundary that separates
Z a smile from tear?" "Give il up. -
5 The nose.
GIRLS are more courageous than men.
They are ready to make a match with a
; fellow twice their size.
LATIN is a dead language Especial
ly when an inexperienced drug clerk
fools with it.-Norristown Herald
"PUr more tariff on English
fashions? ?" cries a Massachusetts, editor
afflicted with la-di-dah dude Of SON.
A FoRr WAYNE saloon keeper ordered
the electric light removed from his es-
tablishment because he couldn't light it
with a match.
Az old captain on the Lakes used to
be called Sinbad the Sailor" till he
lost vessel; now they name him Sail
bad the Sinner.
An Iowa editor who was asked by a
correspondent, "Do hogs pay?" has
Looked over his subscription list and
declares that they do not.
UP town, New York, the laborers blast
the rocks. the rocks blast the houses
and the citizens blast the laborers. A
sort Of blasted time all around.
SHE who ne'er answers till her husband cools.
Or, if she rules him, never shows she rules,
Charms by accepting, by submitting sways.
Nnf has har ..l..s 81. a.
POPE
The shoemaker, the tailor, the car
Penter and the painter talk ten words to
a BARRIERS one, and yet the papers con
tinually lather the latter for his volubil-
ity. Let's razor mother issue.
"WHY do you carry your pocketbook
in your hand ?" asked Philadelphia
husband of his young wife. Cob, was
the quiet reply, "it is so light that lam
afraid it might jump out Of my pocket.
The Cincinnati Enquirer says that if
the Whisky bill had been measure to
place Congressman on the free list at all
oars and drinking-places, the Forty
ieventh Congress would have passed it.
"WHo was it, writes Eleanor, ''who
wrote with all thy faults 7 love thee
till 2" Don't know who wrote it,
eleanor, but it must have been about a
goman. Sweet line, that, with al thy
ilse eye love thee still.
LITTLE ARTHUR has been to church.
How did you like the sermon ?" asked
is sister. pretty well, responded the
outhful critic. "The beginning was
cry good, and so was the end, but it
nd too much middle" y
"MR JONES, asked Smith Of the Par
IN, 'don't you think the wicked will
ave an opportunity given them in the
,xt world?" eyes, certainly, repliedthe
rson, Fan excellent opportunity to get
arm. .'-Boston Transcript
AT one of the schools in Cornwall the
spector asked the children if they
uld quote any text of Scripture which
rbade a man having two wives. One
the children sagely quoted in reply
e text, ''No man can serve two mas
$.
A WOMAN in Akron, o., bothered the
atrial telephone office for an hour and
lalf trying to get her husbands ear to
him an important piece of news.
len she was put in communication
h him all she had to say was: "Baby's
tooth through"
bird did Noah send
of the ark ?" Smallest boy in the
IS (after pause)-''Dove sir
Icher-'V Very well. But I should
e thought some of you big boys
I'D have known that" Tall pupil
ease, sir, that boy ought to know.
cause his fathers bird.ketcy5r,
T IS n blessed thing that the pension
Of the revolutionary war did not in
sc as rapidly as do the disabled sol
s Of the war Of the rebellion. Il they
the pension lists Of '76 would now
lde more than there are in America,
great numbers of immigrants would
to be imported to supply the de-
-BUBDErrE.
sc1ssoRs-eRNDER was ringing his
ito grind, on Brush street, when a
* man called him to him and asked:
Y, can You sharpen everything ?"
!, eaferytings." "Can you sharpen
wits ?" Your wits vheI, guess
haf to 60 und get a new handle und
spring put in first I must have
stings to hang on py
Rs. LANoTRY has been telling re-
r that New Orleans is rather
lant, sleepy city" When the Lily
lere she expressed herself as pleased
use the people of New Orleans were
'ell bred to stare after her when she
akipg Freddie out for a morning
Pratiiers Of her class appear 70
no gratitude. Orleans Pea
srYulsny dressed woman entered
taurant. The waiter handed her
! of fare, and said, &" Please mark
@ dishes you wish to order" Could
nan IN a sealskin confess that she
not read? Taking the pencil She
a few dashes, and her order
Dinner 90, " Feb. 20, 'SS,
etables, please pay at the desk,
ry." The waiter brought her beef
....1