The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-07-27
1As spsspe.dIkes, Lunch.

"Now, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopen-
iyke, rubbing his hands gleefully and
contemplating his wife from the oppo-
site seat of the railway car with pleas
ant smile. '.Now, my dear, suppose
we take q look at the lunch of which we
have had such remarkable accounts.
. II there is anything nice when man is
travelling. it Is homemade lunch.
Develop the viands and let joy be un-
confinedr' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
laughed out right in anticipation of the
gustatory delights in store for him.
Gan right" giggled Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. opening the basket with trembling
hands. Snow you hold that, and don't
you open anything until Iget it all out, -
and Mrs. Spoopendyke handed him a
long roll OF something done up in q
coarse brown paper.
"How much more of this is there to
get out?" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke,
shifting at the paper and detecting
Bologna sausage, thing he detested.
''What is this, anyway, club to keep
the rest of the lunch in order? Is this
thing the police force of this lunch?
Fetch forth the law-abiding elements,
If you've got any! Never mind the ex-
ecutive Of this feast, produce the labor.
ing faction, the tax-paying end of the
businessr'
Here's some cheese" murmured
Mrs. Spoopendyke, "and q pie and
some smoked beef and some herring
and"
Haven't We got some salt some
where?" Kissed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
plantin., the bologna on end in the CEN
ter of the pie. .How'm I to quencb
my thirst after eating all this truck I'M
less have salt? Where's the mustard
that goes with these mercies?" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke dove into the pack
age of beef and scattered the contents
over his wife's lap. Ill bet the bologna
can whip the cheese in four roundsp"
he yelled, hauling the offending sausage
out of the pie and jabbing it through
the cheese. Murray! Now, Wen
sponge him off with the herring for the
next roundr' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
seized fish by the tail and slammed it
into the basket.
"Don't!' pleaded Mrs. SPoopendyke,
looking helplessly on. al like those
things, if you don't"
Cant We let the lunch have little!'
squealed Mr.. Spoopendyk Ike, hammering
at the cheese with the sausage. "Of
course, you like these things! They're
right in your line! All you want is a
strike and step-ladder to be salt
mine! Where's my lunch? Bring on
the delicacies calculated to supply the
waste tissue of Spoopendyker and the
worthy gentleman drove the sausage
clear through the pie and impaled the
herring on the other end.
Here's Charlotte and a." COM
menced Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Hand me the blushing Charlotter'
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. who had
fixed his mind on cold chicken and saw
no realization of his anticipations.
"Show me the Charlotte just budding
into womanhood, and she shall have the
pie! Give me-hey! What's that?'
This is a can of beansr' exclaimed
Mrs. SpoOpendyke, Frightening little.
You know you always liked beans"
LETS have 'em!' growled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, reaching for them. "What
have you got to open 'em WITH"
I'm afraid left the can-opener at
home," whispered Mrs. Spoopendyke,
rumaging through the basket.
"How dye propose to open 'em
then?' roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, set
ting his teeth and breathing hard.
''Show me the spring that busts this
cover Off Guide me to the combina-
ton of this stem-winding can of beansi
Maybe this'l do it!' and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke again grabbed the sausage and
went for the can. "How'm getting
onr' he yelled, as the bologna flew in
all directions. Think you begin to
smell those beans any more plainly
than you dido Wa-h-hr' he shrieked,
as huge chunk of the pork broke OF
short and landed in his ear. ''This hog
don't know who he's fooling with! Let
me introduce you to SpOopendyker'
and he ground the sausage flat against
the can and dropped the debris on the
floor.
II don't know what we're going to
dor murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke in
great distress.
'Now watch the triumph of mind
over bean?n howled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
opening the window and placing the
can on the sill. 1.-The reward of gen.
iusr' he roared. as he brought the win
dow down on the can.
Mrs. Spoopend@ke lodged just in
time, and her unfortunate spouse caught
the bean part of the feast fairly in
front. and was covered from his eye.
brows to his ankles.
THAT what We wanted?" he gasped,
as the full extent of the calamity
dawned on him. THAT what We been
trying to get me to do9 bod CAST the
measIy beansr' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
made for the smoking-car, and was
seen no more till dark.
II don't care" soliloquized Mrs.
Spoopendyke, assuring herself that the
Charlotte had not been injured. "He
might have waited moment and he
would have had some cold chicken.
But, of course, if he has made lunch
on beans, he won't care for anything
else" And with this consolatory re-
Election Mrs. Spoopendyke ate the
chicken and Charlotte in alternate
bites, and composed herself for q COM
Portable nap.-Drakss Trareler's Mag
dzine.
The PrOper Position for SIeepIng.