The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1883-01-10
HIS PA MORTIFIED.

iects BaFDagO In the alley.
40, they are searching for sewe
gas and such things, and they hav
got plumbers and other society ex
perts till you can't rest, and / com
away for fear they would find tn
sewer gas and warm my jacker
Say, do you think it is right, whel
anything smells awfully, to Away
lay it to boy?"
"Well, in nine cases out of tel
they would hit it right, but what d,
you think is the trouble over to you
house, honest ?"
"S-h-hl Now don't breathe 4.
word of it to living soul, or I'm :
dead bsy. You see l was over Il
the dairy fair at the exposition
building Saturday night, and wher
they were breaking up me and my
chum helped to carry boxes o.
cheese and firkins of butter, and q
cheese man gave each of us a piece
of limberger cheese, wrapped up in
tin foil. Sunday morning / opened
my piece, and it made me tired. O.
it was the awfulest smell / ever
heard of, except the smell when
they found a tramp who hung him
self in tho woods on the Whitefish
Bay road, and had been dead three
weeks. 1t was just like q old back
number funeral Pa and ma were
just getting ready to 20 to church,
and l cut off piece of cheese and
put it in the inside pocket of pas
vest, and put another in the lining
of mas muff, and they went down
to church, too, and sat on a back
seat with my chum, looking Just as
pious as though / was taking up a
collection. The church was pretty
warm, and by the time they got up
to sing the first hymn pas cheese be-
gan to smell a match against mas
cheese. Pa held one side of the
hymn book and ma held the other,
and pa he always sings for all that
is out. and when he braced himself
and sang "Just as L am" ma
thought pas voice was tinctured
with biliousness, and she looked at
him, and hunched him and told him
to stop singing and breathe through
his nose, cause his breath was
enough to stop q clock. Pa stopped
and turned around kind of
cross towards ma, and then he
smelled mas cheese, and he turned
his head the other way and said,
'whewp and they didn't sing any
more, but they looked at each 9TH
er as though they smelled frowy.
When they sat down they sat as far
apart as they could get, and pa sat
next to a woman who used to be
nurse in a hospital, and when she
smelled pas cheese she looked at
him as though she thought he had
the smallpox, and she held her
handkerchief to her nose. The man
in the other end of the pew, that ma
sat near, he was a stranger from
who belongs to our church,
aud after the minister prayed, and
they got up to sing again, the man
took his hat and went out, and
when he came by me he said some
thing in a whisper about a female
glue factory. Well, sir, before the
sermon was over everybody in that
part of church had their handker-
chiefs to their noses, and they look
cd at pa and ma scandalous, and
the two ushers they came around in
the pews looking for a dog, and
when the minister got over his SER
mon and wiped the perspiration off
his face, he said he would like to
have the trustees of the church stay
there after meeting, as there was
business OF Importance to transact.
He said the question of proper ven
tilation and sewerage for the church
would be brought up, and that he
presumed the congregation had no
ticed this morning that the church
was unusually full of sewer gas. He
said be had spoken ofthe matter be-
fore, and expected it would be at
tended to before this. He said he
was a meek and humble follower of
the Lamb, and was willing to cast
his lot wherever the Master decided,
but he would be blessed if he would
preach any longer in a church that
Imelled like a bone boiling estab-
Iishment. He said religion was a
good thing, but no person could en-
10y religion as well in a fat rcnding
as he could in a flow
sr garden, and as far as he was con-
cerned he had got enough. Every
body looked at everybody else, and
pa looked at ma as though he knew
where the sewer gas came from,
and ma looked at pa real mad, and
me and my chum lit out for home
and distributed the cheese all
around. l put piece in mas bu-
reau drawer, down under her un-
and q piece in the spare
room, under the bed, and a piece in
he bath room, in the soap dish, and
4 slice in the album, on the parlor
table, and dropped a piece under
he range in the kitchen. | tell you
the house was loaded for bear. Ma
,ame home from church first, and
when / asked where pa was, she
,aid she hoped he had gone to walk
around block to air himself Pa
came home to dinner, and when he
got smell Of the house he opened
all the doors, and ma put comfort
able around her shoulders and told
pa he was a disgrace to civilization.
She tried to get pa to drink some
acid. Pa finally convinced
ma that it was not him, and they
le0ided that it was the house that
'melled so, as well as the church,
md all Sunnay afternoon they went
and this morning pa went
iown to the health Office and got
he inspector of nuisances to come
lp to the house, and when he
,,,olIad orornd a ANAL ha said fhara