Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-10-18
SQUIBs.


convention, but the report that they
all went on a big trunk-a regular
Saratoga as it were-should be check
ed.
"When l married Georgina, said
Frank, my folks told me | was fool
ish to marry girl who didn't know
how to handle rolling-pin. Lord,
how they misiudged her. Do you see
that lump on my head2 She did that
with a rolling-pin."
Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "All
healthy things are sweet-tempered "
We differ with Ralph. Now, we know
a perfectly healthy red-headed woman
who is-well, she just is, and no mis-
take about it.
Little Aggie's sister had invited her
best young man to tea. There was a
hull in the conversation, which was
broken by the inquisitive Aggie:
Papa, is dose fedders ober Mr.. Wob-
inson's moufl'
Ben Butler opened his campaign in
1 Massachusetts, by addressing meetings
/ in three large halls in Boston, contin-
ing himself mainly to Tewksbury. He
then started on leased palace car to
speak throughout the state and dis
tribute campaign documents.
The eagle feels best at hight of 70,
/ 600 feet above the earth, while the
minute you get a man on the roof of
a horse block his knees begin to week
EN- and he can't remember word be-
yond Fellow citizens "
''This is Horrible, was the headline
Cleveland editor wrote to 90 over
an account of the defeat of the local
baseball club. But the straw-headed
printer got things mixed and put that
headline of a poem by prominent
poet, and the poet wouldn't believe
that it was the printers fault, and
somebody IS going to get hurt.
A large three-story brick dwelling
house in New Haven, Conn, is to be
m owed about twenty-four feet, and
the family occupying it are to remain
init. At best a progress Of only a few
inches a day can be made, and the
work will therefore occupy several
weeks,
Professor Price, full-blooded
negro, preached in Henry Ward
Beecher's Church Sunday morning to
a large congregation. He is a Metho-
dist Clergyman, and is connected with
acollege at Salisbury, N. Q. His
subject was the elevation Of the color
ed ministry.
A Bridgeport minister is worried
because he performed a marriage cere-
mony without looking at the license.
After the ceremony he found that the
document was issued in Massachusetts,
and now he does not know where his
couple are spending their honey
MOON so as to warn them that they
must begin all over again.
There are sea Captains who profess
to believe that sharks will not touch a
human being, but when asked to give
q poor shark chance they retire on
their dignity.
Here, waiter" exclaimed Smith,
what do you mean by giving me a
dirty napkin2' The waiter took
away the soiled napkin and gave
Smith clean one, murmuring as he
walked away, "Well, if that amt the
most particular man | ever saw. That
napkin has been used by no less than
a dozen men, and he's the first one to
make any complaint,
The Autumn maiden is sure to
charm. She can play tolerably we'll
on the piano. She knows how to eat
oysters, and has been known to con
sumo ice-cream when the leaves begin
to fall. But, best of all, she is fond of
a ride, and loves, ooh, so much, you
know to go chestnutting or hickory
nutting. She will stand so sweetly
under the tree, holding up a jaunty
apron while you knock down the
nuts, and fill yourself full of thisties
from the burrs.
The Scientific American declares
that hot bread is poison and launches
its thunders at mullins, hot buscuits
and many other articles If diet that
render life delightful. Now that the
season of buckwheat cakes has been
fairly ushered in, it is painful to re-
fleet that everythinggood in the world
is, from a scientific standpoint, so
extremely bad Nothing is healthy
but science.
No humiliation is so-crushing to a
Mexican gentleman as to be caught
on the street with even the most in
tinitesimal bundle in his hand. He
considers it undignifed to carry a
letter home from the Eostoflice. All
packages must be carried by servants.
Fortunately the latter can be hired for
twenty-five cents a day. This saves
the Mexican gentleman from extina-
ton.
The national turnpike over the ALE
ghany Mountains from Cumberland
to Wheeling, the nearest approach to
a perfect road ever seen in the United
States, cost roo, 00?, or $4,000 a
mile
A child's epitaph at Wellesley,
Mass.
'She glanced into orr world to see
Is sample of our misery
Then turned her little head aside
And gave a sigh or two and died
Traveller to enterprising citizen: