Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1883-09-21
Wit and HunlOr,

Wit and Humor.
The faith cure is nothing new, for
faith that can move mountains ought te
easily drive away ills.
EYES," said the topper. sadly, II know
drink is ICY enemy; that is the reason
why am always putting it down."
"Oh, dear!'' sighed Mrs. P, with
toothache. "Why can't, people be born
without teeth?" IF you will reflect
moment, my DEAR" replied MIR. P,
"you will be convinced that such is the
fact"
One of the most trying moments in g.
mans life is when he is getting his pic
ture taken to send to his best girl, and is
just assuming his most angelic ex~
nose.
Brakeman-The train is now about to
enter the State Of Missouri. Gentlemen
who have not provided themselves with
carbines will pass forward to the loco
motive and crawl into the tender
A man who refused to pay a thousand
dollars for the land upon which Cincin-
natl now stands, when he could have
bought it for that amount, died a few
days ago in New Ham pshire poorhouse.
This should teach US not to refuse to
pay thousand dollars for land upon
which a big city will stand seventy-fve
years hence.
A paragraph is going the rounds Of the
press to the effect that Mr.. Gould is hav-
ing lot Of saints and angels painted for
his tomb. This is a mistake. The ar
fist has been given an order to paint g
life size representation of a camel pass
sing through the eye of an needle.
A New York paper having printed an
item stating that q soda fountain had
exploded, seriously injuring three per.
SONS, was obliged to print large extra
edition to supply the demands of young
men who wanted to send a marked copy
to their summer girls.
A young man writes us for light on
a delicate subject. He SAYS he has fallen
in love with a sweet girl to whom he has
just been introduced and whose home
he has never visited, and he wants us to
tell him how to open the campaign.
Well, we shonld Iirst enoeavor to gain
the respect and esteem OF the cog, If the
Siil latAeI keeps one.
"Whv do you discard the military
profession for that of journalisu?" asked
a gentleman Of q conceited country edit
or. "Because," replied the provincial
sword" Eyes l know; but that does
not apply to you," said the visitor.
"Why not, sir?" Indignantly demanded
the scissors-wielder. "SinpIy because
the phrase is qualified by the phrase
proceeding tin the hands of men en-
| lirely great" sarcasticaily explained
the subscriber SIS be softly shut the door
from the outside.
A fact Two gentlemen were question
ing why professional men should SO
frequently be bald. The little daughter
OF one had been an attentive though un-
observed listener, but made her pres
ence and opinion known by suddenly
exclaiming: "Oh, papa, know; it's so
that their wits can come OUT
Some time ago a dispatch was sent
from St. Louis to Memphis, addressed to
"James Giles, pie clerk
steamer Magenta. There was no man
named Giles on the boat, AMI the mes
sage was not delivered, whereby law
suit ensued. The person named was
James Gillespie, clerk of the Magenta.
Regrets: Miss Gushington ito young
widow whose husband has left large
fortune)-"Thati is the fourteenth mourn
ing costume I have seen YOU wear in
three days and each more lovely and
becoming than the other" Young wild
ow-"Oh, my dear, have 40; but such
a bother as thew were; t. have made! A t
one time almost wished that George
hadn't died.
"Now," said an Austin lawyer, taking
his Client to one side for private CONSUL
tation, You may be hung but I'll do
what can for you. You must, however
leave everything to me-" "Wel!, that's
blamed COOL yreplied the client. They
tossd me before went into lie case that
I world have to pay II good sum; but
whenit comes to. leaving everything to
you, I guess j might as "ejl back out
and let the case go bysdefaut.'