The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-04-13
A New Lime-Kiln Club Lecture.

A New Lime-Kiln Club Lecture.
81 wish to displain," said Brother
Gardner, as he adjusted his spectacles
and brushed up his front hair, 81 wish
to displain dat de Hon. IIigginbottom
Lawless, of KOsciusko, Miss, am pres
ent in de aunty-room an burnin' to
deliver his celebrated address on Sen
t ment.' He arrove heah three or
four days ago, an has finished my las
bari of apples, worn my Sunday coat
right along, an will be a deadhead on
me till he kin spoke dis piece an
cotch a mixed freight train gwine to
Toledo. De committee will escort
him, an If dat WATERFALL I'm upset or
any lamps Knocked down doorln' his
delibery, de guilty wretch or wretches
will receive a lesson dat will remain
solid for a hundred vars"
The Hon. Lawless appeared with a
pair of red mittens in one hand and a
lemon in the other, and such was his
placidity of mind that when he bit
into n of the mittens in place of the
lemon he never ever changed color.
He sized up five feet and six inches,
intelligent express sion, head cast in the
shape of a pear, and feet large enough
to trample an onion bed out of sight.
He mounted the platform like a steer
climbing a side hill, bowed right and
left in response to the applause, and
quietly began
MY fren's, 1 cannot dispress de
pleasure and g%ratificashun which l feel
80 fin rntc.1f Stnn1inf hnoh tp1.r 10
sacred shingles of Paradise IIall-a
structure whose name am u household
word whareber de English language
greets de ear. (Applause.) 1 would
rather stan heah than be buried under
a $4,000 monument. (Cheers.)
DE subjick OBJ my address am
Sentiment. What am sentiment?
Whar' do we git it, an what am it
wort by de pound when de market am
not oberstocked? | answer dat senti-
ment am a sort O 'lasses an mush sur
roundin' de heart. In some cases it
hardens up an turns to stun, while in
odders it thins out until de heart
fairly tloots in a pond O sweetness.
(Applause.) Sentiment has consider
abul to do wild cherry ackshun in our
eberyday life. 1t am bizness when you
start out to borry a pan of flour or a
basket OBJ Eaters. 1t am sentiment
that causes a naybur to lend, instead of
demanlin' spot cash. (Wild applause
from Judge Cadaver.)
"Bizness a-ktuateS de lazy an de
shiftless to sOt out an beg cold vittleS
an old clothes an dimes an quarters.
3 Sentiment acktuate IS women to shed
tears ober 'em an stock EN- up wild
!, huff to loaf on for another month.
: When we have a kickin' boss our sem
timent am 'pealed to. We argy that
the safety of our loved ones requires
us to trade dat animile off to some
, preacher who wants a PERFECTLY reli-
: able boss. OATS one kind of senti-
ment. When we buy an excursion
: ticket TO Niagara Falls, an reach de
y grand cataract arter a thirty hours
E sweat on de cattle cars, de immense
waste of water 'peals to anodder sort
of sentiment. When we luv we reveal
another phase of sentiment. If de gal
am heightened and rich de sentiment
=. am all solid. If she I'm only average
an in debt, de sentiment am purity
thin. an won't last longer dan de first
bill fur meat ome in. (Cries of
D You betr)
t MY fren's, sentiment writes poetry
wild one hand an tans de backs Of de
cAile'n wild de odder. 1t guides our
thoughts to friends ober de sea, an
t sends old clothes to relashuns in Wis
I consin. 1t makes us shed tears fur de
dead, an yit warns us to cut de under
takers bill down twenty per cent SEN
) timent tells us to luv fellow-men,
u an yit whispers to us to lock our doahs
J an place torpedoes in our hen-roosts.
y (Groans.) | have been lookin' into de
l matter fur de las forty-eight vars, an
3 | has cum to de conclushun dat it was
a wise thing to purvide de human race
I wild sentiment. If it had bin left out
Z by any accident in de miXin' de bes'
u man among us wouldn't have got Il bid
u if put up at aucshun along wild a lot
u OF f~ence-posts. l could talk to you fur
u three straight weeks IN dis subjeck,
but obsarvin' lat my half hour am up,
: l will chop off right heah, an hope
u dat it may be my pleasure at some flu
: cher day to meet you agin. Any pus-
, son who wants his fortune told will
u find me in de aunty-roOm fur de mex
{ TWO hours."-DetrOit Free Press.
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