The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1883-02-21
JOLLY UNDERrAKERs.
The Cheerful View They Take of a Lugu
brious Calling.
New York Morning Journal.

The Cheerful View They Take of a Lugs
brious Calling
| New York Morning Journal
'In my thirty years experience in the
undertaking business" observed the "mor-
tuary director in the vicinity of Franklin
Square to Journal reporter, ~
have come to the conclusion that
are associated with the interment
of the dead. When the late Mr.. Pat
rick Burns, of Baxter street, whose sole
worldly possessions did not exceed $4,000,
ordered, three months prior to his decease,
a 81, 600 funeral in order to spite his rela-
tons, his case was only an illustration of
vanity and revenge peculiar to men OF his
class.
Paddy was very ignorant man. His
dying ambition was to have a large funeral
conducted with all the improvements of
mortuary art. And he had it. His coffin
alone cost nearly 50 900. 1t was of finest
rosewood, with gold and silver fittings, and
was far more expensive than the casket used
at the interment OF the late President Gar
field.
There were seventeen carriages, which
were occupied by mourning hucksters, ped
oilers, laborers and others who had never sat
inside a carriage before. The bill for flowers
came to 5000 alone. The vault was specially
constructed on the latest scientific princi-
1 pies. III ldCt. the MnOl6 Hiatt WIS got UD
on the most lavish scale. Paddy's friends
gave him a magnificent wake, far surpsss.
ing anything of the kind ever held in Bax-
ter street. The liquors were of the choicest,
and the whisky flowed like water
The 'mummers' or death howlers were speci-
| ally hired for the occasion. But the rela-
tives were crashing their teeth with rage
and disappointment for it became necessary
! to sell Paddy's property to pay the bill. The
relatives, however, brought an injunction to
restrain payment of the bill ON the ground
| that it was excessive and unjust to the heirs.
| IL ended by the referee cutting down the
undertaker's account TO S75. So Paddy got
his funeral, although the undertaken had to
pay the greatest part of the cost out of his
own pocket.
THE ORDER OF THE C. d. A.
"In connection with the trade is a secret
society known as the Order of the G. L. A,
which being translated, means the Coffin
Drummer Association" These gentlemen
represent the large wholesale houses, and
most of them would make first class come
dians. The Chaplain of the Order, Mr.. Ira
Stotts, would make you roar. He is mimi
| table.
MANY good story have heard the boys
| tell. One is to the following effect: A cof-
| fin drummer, who was always unfortunate
in finding customer in the northern part
of the State out when he called, was return
| ing to the station when he saw his man
driving his hearse at the head of funeral
procession. He hailed him, mounted the
box and accompanied the cortege to the
Cemetery He took his mans measure at q
glance and saw be would have hard work to
| get an order out of him. A bright idea oc.
CURED to him.
Have you heard the newsY'
what news?'
"'Why, Parsons-the name of a rival un-
dertaker living some nine miles distant
died last night of delirium tremens. What
Haven't you heard of it? Now, he's got a
stock of half dozen coffins he hasn't paid
for. l can let you have the lot at a low fig
ure,' mentioning the price. IF you don't
hurry up Stone, another rival, will be sure to
get them The drummer pulled out his pen
Gil, wrote out the order, jumped down from
the hearse hurried as fast as he could to the
station where bis stock of collins stood in
the freight-shed, hired a wagon and had the
whole lot placed in the undertaker's store
before he returned from the funeral This
only one of the several stories l might tell
you of the coffin drummer's shrewdness.
AN EMBALMINe MATCH.
"Are there many embalming preparations
on the market?"
Yes, over two dozen. Each one, of
course, is said to be the best. 1t was recent
ly mooted to hold an embalming exhibition
a. b4C n1OISuc LCI u pElZc vi POOO, III OIueI 10
see which article was the best. But whether
the parties couldn't agree, or whether they
hadn't any faith in the stakeholder, can not
say. Any way, the idea fizzled out, and l
have not heard any thing of 1t lately. The
great authority on embslming in the trade
is August Renouard, of Denver, Col. All
embalming preparations are much the same.
FUNERAL RACES.
"By the way, did you ever see funeral
race?''
The reporter admitted that in all his
journalistic experience he had yet to see the
| first funeral race.
Then you should 90 down almost any
day to Roosevelt Ferry and you will see one.
1t is a common practice among undertakers
to try to get ahead of rival professions in their
hurry to get on the ferry boat first. One pro-
cesslon, for instance, meets another at a
street corner. Then they put The corpse,
mourners and drivers are pretty well shaken
up by the time the boat Is reached, and the
cursing and general profanity INDUCED IN
by the drivers and hackmen takes the back
out of the grief which is supposed to exist
for the death OF the deceased. 1t doesn't
look well, know, or it may appear impossi-
BILE. bat it is true for all that"
do undertakes, as rule, make many
bad debts?"
at all depends upon the man himself.
Generally speaking. however, the poor peo-
pie pay the most punctually, and it is wor-
thy of remark that widows, especially
young ones, pay up the most promptly.
Most of the trouble undertakes have in
this respect is from people of UNCERTAIN
means. Where risk must be run, but see
ing that an undertaker's profits average 22O
per cent bad debt now and then don't
amount to much"
The New Premier of France-A Sketch OF