Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-22
SQuibs.
sted circus bills.

The proprietors of ice houses make
many a cool thousand in the course of
a year.
Notwithstanding its importance,
when the builder Of the ark told off
the animals it a sort of a Noah count
affair
We do not care whether the French
Danish Prince Napoleon or not. AS
he knows no English he can't come
over here and lecture.
It is said that an angle worm cannot
dig more than one inch per hour but
he is always an inch beyond the shoy-
Ell when you want fish-bait.
A New York plumber is said to
have died from Overwork. It is ter
ribly hard on man to hug the
cook and solder q sink spout at the
same time
Marriage resembles a village fair,
where every one endeayors to trade
off his lame horse or vicious COW
for handsome, sound, useful crit
ter.
a spring in Louisiana pours fourth
clear, cold water during the day, but
at sunset dries up suddenly Com
mercial travellers never visit it until
after dark
''No, my daughter didn't do moth
ing at the exhibition; she amt much
Of a scholar, you know; but every
body said she was the best dressed
girl in her class"
A huff is defined as "a thing which
holds q girls hand and don't squeeze
it" Correct: and any fellow is "a
muff" who "ill hold girl hand with
out squeezing it.
DO you love me very much, Al
fred?' asked a Boston wife. Bunker
Hill Monument may fall, but not my
love. , Then when you go by the mar
ket, don't forget the BEANS"
"a pretty woman in a hardware store
announced that she wanted masher,
when all the clerks made a rush to-
ward her, butretired demolished when
she added "a potato masher."
One of the most trying moments in
q mans life is when he is getting his
picture taken to send to his best girl,
and is just assuming his most angelic
expression, and q fly alights on his
nose.
At a recent weddingin this city, the
SIX Ushers were chosen from rejected
suitors Of the bride. 1t was a grateful
act to give the unsuccessful suitors
an opportunity to witness the life pun
ishment inflicted upon their successful
rival
A number Of society ladies have de
cided that lawn tennis requires too
much eXertion, and have abandoned
that game.
A Syracuse young lady enjoys her
self by making her little brothers hap
ply; and when her sweetheart calls she
sets him to work pulling taffy for
them.
A young lady being asked why she
did not attend a party to which she
had been invited, replied, Il forgot
all about the party, and ate onions at
dinner
4 woman applied for a place as
street-car driver. Can YOU manage
mules?n asked an employer. Il should
smile, she said. I've had two hus-
bands.
Mrs. Clara Neymann, of New York,
will address six woman suffrage meet
ings this month, under the auspices of
the Massachusetts Woman Suffrage
Association.
A new method of making up
ladies' faces will soon be in vogue, a
vein of natural paint having been dis
covered IN the county of Westmore-
land, Penn.
A correspondent writes; "There
are ground squirrels, ground mice,
ground hogs, etc, but [ seee no men
ton IN any of my books of a ground
dog. Is there such an animal?" In
quire at the sausage factory.
: h The minister who ties the cOnnubial
knot gets a fee varying from 50 to $50;
the lawyer who unties 1t charges from
800 to $500.
General James r. Cannahun, Ad-
iutant General Of Indiana, addressed
a letter to the Secretary of War, pro
posing anatiOnaI encampment of state
troops to be held in Washington next
May.
The vote on the proposition to abol-
lsh convict contract labor from the
New York State Prisons, with but
few districts to hear from, gives a ma
jority Of 234, 976 in favor Of the prop
OSitiOn.
Upon an affidavit for criminal con
duct towards his wife, Daniel B. Yer
milye petitions the Governor of Min
nesota to issue requisition upon Gov
ernor Hamilton, of Illinois, for Gen
eral Myers.
Eighty thousand children m the
North of England form the "Dickey
Bird Society" They are pledged to
protect birds, never to destroy nest,
and to feed birds in winter.
Argument has been commenced in
the Supreme Court on thesu brought
by the heirs of the late Sarah Ann
Dorsey, Of Louisiana, for the purpose
Of setting aside the viii by which Mrs.
Dorsey left her property to Jefferson