The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1883-03-08
How the Bad Boy Cured His Father Of
Incorporate Habits,

hhCLA oi1O Abt Ooialitn aim 1ag uoVH
on the sofa and snore, and he woula
smell like a dstillery. It hurt me to
sec ma cry, and told her I would break
pa of drinking if she would let me, and
she said if l would promise not to hurt
pa to go ahead, and l promised not to.
Then got my ehum and another boy,
quite big boy, to help, and pa is all
right. We went down to the place
where they sell arms and legs, to fol- /,
who have served in the army, or a saw
mill, or thrashing machine, and lost
their limbs, and we borrowed some
arms and legs, and fixed up dissect-
ing room. We fixed a long table in the
basement, big enough to lay pa out on,
you know, and then we got false whisk-
ers and moustaches, and when pa came
in the house drunk and laid down on
the sofa, and got to sleep we took him
and laid him out on the table, and took
some trunk straps. and a sircingle and
strapped him down to the table. He
slept right along all through it, and we
had another table with the false arms
and legs on, and we rolled up Our
sleeves and smoked pipes, just like |
read that medical students do when
they cut up a man. Wen, you'd died
to sec pa look at us when he woke up.
/ saw him open his eyes, and then we
began to talk about cutting up dead men.
We put hickory nuts in our mouths so
our voices would SOUND different, so
he wouldn't know us, and | was telling
the other boys about what time we
had cutting up the last man we bought.
| said he was awful tough, and when
we had cut his legs off and had taken
out his brain, his friends come to the
dissecting room and claimed the body,
and we had to give it up, but saved
the legs. looked at pa on the table
and he began to turn pale, and he
squirmed around to get up but found he
was fast. | had pulled his shirt up I'M
der his arms, while he was asleep, and
as he began to move | took an icicle,
and in the dim light of the candles, that
were sitting on the table in bottles, |
drew the icicle across pas stummick and
! said to my chum, doc, | guess we
better cut open this old duffer and
see if he died from milan nation of the
stommick, from hard drinking, as the
Coroner sad he did, Pa shuddered all
over when he felt the icicle going over
his bare stummick, and he said: For
Gods sake, gentlemen, what does this
mean. am not dead The other bows
/. looked at pain astonishment, and said:
We'll, we bought you for dead. and the
Coroner's jury said you were dead, and
by the eternal we ain going to be fooled
outof a corpse when we buy one. are we
Doep My chum said not If he knowed
his self, and the other students said: OF
course he is dead. He thinks he is alive,
but he died day before yesterday, fell
dead on the street. and his folks said he
had been a nuisance and they wouldn't
claim the corpse, aud we bought it at
the morgue' Then / drew the icicle
across him again, and said: Il don't
know about this, doctor. / find that
blood follows the scalpel as cut through
the cuticle. Hand me the blood sponge
please Pa began to wiggle around, aud
we looked at him, and my chum raised
his eye-lid, and looked solemn, and pa
said: Hold on, gentlemen. Don't cut
into me any more, and can explain this
matter. This is all mistake / was
only drunk We went in corner and
whispered, and pa kept talking all the
time. He said if we would postpone the
hog killing he could send and get wit
nesses to prove that he was not dead,
but that he was arespectable citizen. and
had family. After we bad held a con-
sultation | went to pa and told him that
what he said about being alive might
possibly be true, though we had our
doubts. We had found such cases be-
fore in our practice East, where men
seemed to be alive, but it was only tenn
porary. Before we got them cut up
they were dead enough for all practical
purposes. Then laid the icicle across
pas abdomen, and went on to tell him
that even if he Was alive it would be
better for him to play that he was dead,
because he was such nuisance to his
family that they did not want him, and I
was telling him that had heard that in
his lifetime he was very cruel to his boy,
a bright little fellow and pet wherever
he was known, when pa Interrupted me
and said: Doctor, please take that cary
ing knife off my stomach, for it makes
me nervous. As for that boy of mine,
he is the condemndist little whelp in
this town and he isn't no pet anywhere.
Now, you let up on this dissectin' bust
ness and | will make it all right with
youg' We held another consultation and
then | told pa that we did not feel that
it was doing justice to society to give up
the body of a notorious drunkard, after
we had paid twenty dollars for tile
corpse. II there was any hope that he
would reform and try and lead a differ
ent life, it would be different, and said
to the boys, gentlemen, we must do our
duty. Doc, you dismemberth leg and
will attend to the stomach and the
upper part of the body. He will be dead
before we are done with him. We must
remember that society has some
claims on US, and not let our better
natures be worked upon by the post
1aortem promises of dead drunkard.
Then took my icicle and began fun |
bling around the abdomen portion of pa |
remains, and my ehum took a rough |
piece of ice and began to saw his leo |
OF, while the other boy took |
hold of the leg and said he |
would catch it when it dropped off.
Wei, pa kicked like steer. He said |
He wanted to make one more appeal to /
us, and we acted sort of impatient, but
we let up to hear what he had to saw.
10 SOL - Il