Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1883-01-20

let 20 of her p0lOnaise she would murder
him. just then my chnm and me got
there and we amputated pa from the
girl, and lifted him up, and l told him
for heavens sake to let US take of the
skates, cause he couldn't skate any more
than a cow, and pa was mad and said
for us to let him alone, and he could
skate alright, and we let go and he
struck out again. Well, sir, / was
ashamed. An old man like pa ought to
know better than to try to be a boy.
This last time pa said he was going to
spread himself, and If l am any Judge
of big spread, he did spread himself.
Somehow the skates had got turned
around side ways on his feet,
aud his feet got to going in different
directions and pas feet were getting SO
far apart, that | was afraid 1 would
have two pas, half the size, with one
leg apiece. tried to get him to take up
a collection OF his legs, and get them
both in the same ward, but his arms
flew around and hit me on the nose,
and thought If he wanted TO strike the
best friend he had, he could run his old
legs hisself. When he began to separ-
ate could hear the bones crack, but
maybe it was his pants, but anyway he
came down on the floor like one of these
fellows in circus who spreads himself,
and he kept going, and finally surround
ed an iron post with his legs, and stop
ped, and he looked pale, and the prOprie-
tor OF the rink told pa If he wanted to
give a flying trapeze performances he
would have to go to the gymnasium, and
he couldn't skate on his shoulders any
more, because other skaters were afraid
of him. Then pa said he would kick the
liver out of the proprietor of the rink,
and he got up and Steadied himself,
aud then he tried to kick the man, but
both heels went up to wOnct, and pa turn
| ed back Summersault and struck right
on his vest in front. guess it knocked
the breath out of him, for he didn't
speak for a few minutes, and then he
wanted to go home, and we put him in
a street car, and he laid down on the
hay and rode home. 0, the work we had
to get pas clothes off. He had cricks in
his back, and everywhere, and ma was
away to one of the neighbOrs, to look at
the presents, and had to put 1iniment
on pa. and made mistake and got a
bottle of furniture polish, and put it on
| pa and rubbed 1t in, and when ma came
home, pa smelled like coffin at q chart
ty funeral, and ma said there was no
way of getting that varnish off pa till it
wore off. Pa says holidays are a con-
demned nuisance, anyway. He will
have to stay in the house all this week"
"You are pretty rough on the old mar"
said the grocery man, latter he has been
so kind to you and given you nice pres
ents."
mice present nuthin. All got was
come to Sunday-schoOp Christmas
card, with brindle fringe, from ma, and
pa gave me pair of his old suspenders,
and calendar with notices for every
month, some quotations such as honor
thy father and MOTHER and evil COM
munications currupt two in the bush,'
and "A bird in the hand beats two pair
Such things don't help boy to be good.
What boy wants is club skates, and
seven shot revOlvers. and such things.
Well, l must'go and help pa roll oyer in
bed, and put on a new porous plaster.
Good bye"