davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
HUMOROUS.

An honorable vice-A Vice-Presi-
dent. N Y. Commercial Advertiser.
The little ones are the most highly
gifted people about Christmas time.
What relation does the doorstep
bear to the door matp It's a step
father. Detroit Post.
"A Batavia On W man dislocated
his jaw by yawning. The ladies in the
neighborhood were in, talking bonnet
to his wife, and the man got tired.
"A German dermatologist says that
badness is catching. Yes, gentlemen
with bald pates complain that they catch
it from all quarters. Boston transcript.
When is q door not door? When
1t is a jar. Oh, no; that answer belongs
to the first decade of the last century.
Nowadays door is not door when it
is negress- an egress. - The Judge.
why is a young lady's age, after
she reaches twenty-five, like floral
wedding bell?" asks an outsider. And
he says it is ''because it is never toll d."
but that is a libel. -Norristown Herald.
Somewhat to himself "Can you
tell me" asked Cortland man of his
tailor, how you came to get this coat Sc
tightp" "Oh, yes, sir. The fact is,
you were tight when measured you. !"
-Marathoaa independent.
=" Johnnie, did any one have the
Group in your house last nightp"
dunno! What made you ak me?''
"Well, / saw light in the house long
after midnight" sob! that's my
sister! She has something down in the
parlor awful late every night, but
don't know whether it is the Group on
not. p Yonker's Gazette.
An observer says: "Always stand a
wet umbrella with the handle down;
one trial will convince you of the rapid
ity with which it will drain, and your
umbrella will last longer if dried quick
ly." We tried that once-tried it in a
barber shop. We are fully convinced
of the rapidity with which it will drain,
and if the present possessor will kindly
advise us how it is lasting we will
speak at more length of the test. The
Judge.
The other day a gentleman arriv-
Ing III dTlS db The Lyons halfway SCa-
ton got into cab and told the driver to
take him to the Rue Milton. After GER
tain time the cab arrived at the Rue
Lord Byron. 'sWhat is the numberp''
asked the coachman. The gentleman
put his head out of the cab window and
said: "Why, this is not the Rue
Milton!" ''Ah!' said the coachman
after slight pause, ''that's true; I've
made mistake in the poets!"
Clarion.
How Reporter Lost His Grip-A
Dull sickening Thud once Entered
newspaper Office and Complained to
the Managing editor that he Had been
Badly Treated. ''And how SOP" in
quired the Editor. I'm your account
of last Fridays hanging" explained
the Aggrieved Thud, ''your Reporter
made no Reference to me, Although !
was with the Doomed Felon when he
Fell" "Your Complaint is q reason
able one," Quoth the Editor, and he
Discharged the reporter Forthwith.
Chicago Nea0s.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
Malaria in Italy.

The italian Ministry of War has had
prepared for the use of the military
authorities a statistical map showing
the extension and relative intensity Of
malaria throughout the peninsula. This
map has been compiled from an ex-
haustiye series of sanitary observations
that have been carried on for years in
all the provinces of the Kingdom. Italy
is divided into sixty-nine provinces, of
which only six are completely free
from this scourge, while it is felt with
great severity in twenty-one. tits esti-
mated that 10000 men, or more than
ten per cent. of the army, are annually
victims, many fatally, to malaria, and
the annual cost of special hospital ar
rangements to meet this amounts to over
10000, 1000 francs. The general damage
to the whole population from the raw
ages of this plague must be very great,
if we remember that it strikes down
hundreds of thousands of workingmen
at the most industrious period of their
lives, and that it is the tangible cause
why so many districts are allowed to
remain barren and uncultivated. It is
noteworthy that malaria seems to have
increased both in extent and intensity
with the development of railways. This
is attributed to the large excavations
which are allowed to remain untitled,
becoming in time the seats of stagnant
pools or marshes. There are some of
the Italian lines which have acquired
the reputation of being permanent
homes of malarial fever, so that tina
strongest constitutions can not resist its
continuous attacks. Hence, there is
great difficulty in securing the supply
of personal service necessary to fill the
gaps that are being perpetually made
by this insidious disease. Forbes Bull
letin
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
A Turkey Story by a Boy.

In the geography we read about Tur-
key in Asia and Turkey in Europe, with
the capital city, Constantinople, near
the strait called Bosphorus. But we
now write regarding a turkey in the
United States, and he is the boss for us.
He IS very fine fowl, and is Just as
anxious to go headlong into a fight as
the country for which he is named.
Two years ago last summer. when I
was little boy q am not SO very bio
YETI, | was in Ohio visiting some rela-
tives.
One day, when playing in the barn.
yard, | saw very large turkey -eobbler.
People call them gobblers, not because
they gobble everything they can eat.
but because they talk way down in their
Threats, and the only word they can say
is ''gobble, y and that word they say
over and over again with great flour
ish of their wings and tail.
Well. had on short trousers, long
red stockings, and red neck-tie. The
turkey did not see me at first, but saw
him, and said ''gobble' once or twice.
| do not know exactly how many times
l did say it, but am sure it was not more
than twice, for, when he heard me and
saw my red stockings, he made for me
with all sails spread.
His face grew as red as fire, and he
gave me to understand that that word
'.gobble' was his word | believe he
was bigger than baby-carriage, and
about the shape of one, too.
] was scared, and fairly flew to a
corn-crib close by. ran in, and shut the
door behind me- Then man came and
drove him away.
The saddest part of this true story is
that did not get to stay and help eat
that old gobbler on the next Christmas
Day.
AS soon as I got safely out of that
corn-crib, | went to the house and
changed my stockings and neck-tie.
Red was an unhealthy color to wear IN
that barn-yard.
The first settlers of this country did
not have Thanksgiving Day very regu-
lar; but when they did, they also had
roasted turkey.
There were a great manywild turkeys
in those days, and they were fatter and
nicer in November than any other
month in the year. One turkey and a
few pumpkin pies would make a meal
for family.
The turkey could be found In the
woods, and the pumpkins in the corn
field.
[ sometimes feel sorry for the turkeys
about this time of the year. But
would rather be turkey-gobbler than
q goose. 1t is hard to tell which has
the ugliest voice. Both have sad time
of it in November and December
IN ". Reid, IN Golden Days.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
Personal AND LITERARY.

Wendell Phillips always puts a
nickle into the organ grinders hat.
Patti has $500, 900 worth of dia-
monds, all of them given to her.--M.
7. Sun.
John Mccarthy has lived for ninety
years in Muncy, Pa, where he was
born. Pittsburgh Post.
Swinburne, the poet, will read his
poems In this country at "a dollar q
read. - Chicago Herald.
Henry Ward Bsecher says that his
recent trip West and South has made
him feel ten years younger. Brooklyn
Eagle.
1t is related by John B. Cough,
the lecturer, that when a boy, alone,
friendless and penniless in New York,
he sold his knife to buy postal-stamps
and letter paper with which to write to
his parents.
Miss Rebecea Boone, who died re-
Gently in Norristown, Pa, aged eighty
eight, was cousin of Abraham Lin
coin, and the daughter of cousin Of
the famous Daniel Boone, of Ken
lucky.
The first religious newspaper pub
ished in this country was called the
Religious Rensembrancer, and the first
number was issued September 4, 1918,
by John w. Scott, of Philadelphia, and
was Presbyterian in sentiment.
The wife of w. H. H. Murray has
returned from Europe with diploma
from the Vienna Medical College both
as a physician and surgeon, being. her
friends say, the only woman in the coun-
try with this certificate. Boston Post.
Mr.. P T. Barnun, the great show
man, lectured before the students of the
Bridgeport Comm Business College re-
Gently, and declared that it was the last
lecture he would ever deliver, as he was
feeling the need of quiet in the declining
years of his life. Hartford Post.
An enthusiastic contemporary says
Mrs. CORVALLIS West has a rich COM
plexion, o fine suit of ripping brown
hair, Irish eyes, small stature and adj
mirable figure. She dresses startIingly,
rides dashingly, talks entertainingly,a and
loves practical joke. Gosh!-M Y.
GT0pn2c.
-Cordelia Stoker, of Southern Utah,
attained her hundredth year few days
ago. She belonged to the Methodist
Church until her ninety-tifth year, when
she embraced Mormonism. She greeted
fifty grandchildren on this occasion.
She has PA descendants in Utah. Dem
Ger Tribune.
Mr.. M. E. Bell, the new Supervising
Architect of the United States Treasury
Department. was born in Chester Coun-
ty, Pa, and now lives, with his wife
and five children, in modest style, in
Des Moines, la. He is a boyish-looking
man, of quiet manners, and is an active
member of the Methodist Episcopal
Church. CbScn0o ,Io2h7.92nL
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
Met His Match.

eyes, SIR" said the Western man,
lovingly caressing his long hair and
feeling of his hip-pocket to see if his
handkerchief was still there, 81 have
had some pretty lively times; have been
a prospector, miner, Government scout,
cowboy, stage-driver and trapper, and
between times amused myself cunning
for Indians and greasers on my own &C
count''
''Been handled pretty rough some
times" ventured pale-faced Eastern
man on crutches and with one arm in a
sling.
"Rough!'' replied the Westerner,
scornfully. THAT depends on what
you call rough. have been chawed
by grizzlies, scalped by Indians, nearly
burned at the stake. shot and knitted
dozens of times, blown up once or twice,
and on one occasion fell into quartz
mill and run clean through before it
could be stopped. don't consider such
little experiences anything, but perhaps
you might call them rough
s'Not at all; mere incidents, not worth
mentioning"
ssOh, indeed Perhaps you know
what rough life is, then?' sneered the
Western man.
Eyes, / do"
"And what might be your businessp"
grinned the Indian fighter, ironically.
e. replied the pale-faced man,
shave for the last ten years been book
agent. Permit me to show you the last
great publication, only twenty two vol
umes, elegantly illustrated, handsomely
bound, sold on subscription at $5.75 a
volume, with five per cent off for"
But the Westerner had tainted. Phil
GdsLphiG Call
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
!" YE DID IT UNTO Me-

/ know not when the lamps of God
Should iiSat the Christmas shrine;
The Volga's belss do not accord
With these upon the Rhine;
But when the bells of either cline
Ring out for charity,
Their tongues meiodious seem to chime:
. Ye did it unto Mel
That psalm that, mid December's SHOWS,
We sing with joy to-day,
In Eastern chapels erst arose,
In the bright month of May.
1t matters not The deeds Of old
With those to-day agree;
The poor man shares the rich mans gold
Ye did 1t unto Me-"
The time, the date, is little worth
If heart to heart accord;
And but the suffering ones of earth
Receive the gold of God.
The semblance of the Lord IS met
In every Christmas-tree,
And heard the words of OlYet-
Ye did it unto Mel'
In every ministry to woe,
In every help to pain,
The sandaled feet of Jesus go,
AS once they went to Main;
Bread multiplied we may behold
In every charity
AS at DecapOlis of Old
" We did it unto MeF'
Chime on, ye bellsl In every climo
The angels strain uplift;
1t is the spirit, not the time,
That sanctihes the gifti
The Christ-child with the children comes
To every Christmas-tree
Or by the Rhine's or NeYa's homes
" Ye did it unto Mep'
Then light again the Yule logs fires,
And bring your Christmas bowers,
Although the white Muscoyian spires
May not accord with ours;
And He will walk again with men,
Who walked i'm Galilee;
And His sweet voice viii say again:
80 Ye did it unto Mep'
BtttterWOrth, IN Christian Union.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
HOME, FARM AND GARDEN.


Manure pear trees in the fall.
Fresh manure in the spring may cause
blight. Troy Times.
Forest leaves make excellent litter
Tor horses, cows and pigs. They are
capital covering for celery pits or cab
bages.-M + Herald.
In favorable winters the evil re-
quits OF late pasturing may not be so
marked as in severe, open winters,
where its disastrous effects are plainly
to be SEEM Chicago Tribune.
Eggs at average prices are among
the cheapest and most nutritious ar
ticles of diet. Like milk, egg is a COM
plete food in itself, containing every-
thing necessary to the development of a
perfect animal, as is manifest from the
fact that chick is formed from it
Exchange.
oil taken from the common wood
chuck or grounding is highly rec
commended for leather. Boots, harness,
or other leather articles saturated with
it become soft and pliable, yet it does
not, it is claimed, open the pores of the
leather, but efectually excludes damp
ness.-N. 7. Examiner. 81.
A California paper highly recon-
mends charcoal for fattening turkeys,
and says that it should be pulyerized
and mixed with mashed potatoes and
corn meal, as well as fed to them in
small Jumps. 1t mentions that in two
lots OF four each, treated alike, and one
lot given this mixture and the other not,
there was an average gain in the weight
OF the first OF pound and a half each.
Those who are cultivating raspber-
ries and blackberries, says the Nebraska
Farmer, should not forget that stem
that has borne one crop is of no more
value, and should be disposed of in
order to make room for the new shoots,
of which not more than two should be
allowed to remain. These should be
tied up to sticks or trellises, and when
blackberries are five feet the tips should
be pinched off and raspberries at three
feet high.
One of the most promising trees for
forest culture, where the conditions
favor, is the American chestnut 1t
grows spontaneously from New Hamp-
shire to Carolina, and from the eastern
slope of the Alleghenies to the Western
prairies. Not only is the tree valuable
for its nuts, the production of which be-
gins in very few years from planting,
but the timber is very valuable for
fencing; it is also admirable for house
finishing, the color and grain of the
wood being very attractive. = Chicago
Inter Ocean.
The rule is, the people of New En-
gland plant their gardens too early to
get large crops. Plants that come up
and grow rapidly will produce much
more than those that, after being above
ground a few days, stop growing and
stand a long time without making any
perceptible progress. Every man who
can do SO should have two gardens, one
in which to grow few early vegetables
and the other to plant for the main
crop. The first should be located in a
warm, dry place, the last on moist, rich
land. The early garden should be
planted as soon as possible after the
frost is out and the late garden not
much before the first of June. --Mosso-
cb~settS PIougsman.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14

tie black house. Papa set the tree on
the step Then he knocked gently, and
whisked May away from the door.
What do you suppose Nora and Nam
ME and Bess said and did when they
peeped out and saw the treeP
!" They just hollored and hollered,
and hoped up and down." cried May
to mamma, when papa had drawn her
home again. land then they all took
it in and shut the door, o, mamma,
I'm so glad didt'
And, after all, Santa Claus paid the
big white house visit; of course. he
did. For it wasn't really he who made
the Days Christmas-tree, you know
it was only little May Deane.-Ada
Carleton. IN Youths Companion.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
Temperance Reading.
THE GIANT

a giant goes hunting without hound or nacl,
Before you, behind you. All woe and alaeI4
FOR the boy that Is found in. this wicked ones
When you're out with the boys at recess to
He follows and tempts you the first oath to
Then stop. and resolve you are not going that
way.
When you're offered the fne-cut to smoke or
to chew,
And told you should do as the other boys do,
Stand, like brave man, to your pledge and
be true.
Again, he will come with the dazzling wine.
And press you, though often you bow and de-
cline,
To taste ''only once, !" it is so charmingly fine.
Now these are the things that I bid you be.
ware,
For you are the bird for the hunter to snare,
ana "Once" is the giant; so, my boy, have
Youths TelnIerdnee Banner
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
Our Young Readers.
SANTA Claus VISIT.

All the house was asleep.
And the fire burning low,
When, from far up the chimney,
Came down q Hol hol'
And little, round man.
With a terrible scratching,
Dropped into the room
With a wink that was catching.
Yes, down he came, humping,
And humping, and jumping,
And picked himself up without sign of a
DruiSel
" Hol hol" he kept on,
As if bursting with cheer,
Good children, gay children,
Glad children, see herel
have brought you fine dolls,
And gay trumpetS and rings,
Noah's arks, and bright skates,
And host of good thingsi
/ have brought whole sackful,
packfnl, a hackfuli
Come hither, come hither, come hither and
choose.
"Hol hol What is this ?
Why, they all are asleep!
But their stockings are up,
And my presents will keep!
So, in with the candies,
The books and the toys;
All the goodies have
For the good girls and boys.
I'll ram them, and jam them,
All the stockings will hold while the tired
creatures snooze.
"Hol hol How they'll laugh
When they open their eyes?
Ha! hal How wish
Icould see their surprised
But I'll give one a kiss,
And | then must be off!
Hel hei Little puss,
Does my breath make you cough?
Don't worry; I'll skurry,
Be off in hurry;
So you all may sleep on while finish my
cruise"
All the while his round shoulders
Kept ducking and ducking;
And his little, fat fingers
Kept tucking and tucking,
Until every stocking
Bulged out on the wall,
As if it were bursting,
And ready to FAIL
And then, all at once
With whisk and whistle,
And twisting himself
Like tough bit of gristle,
He bounced up again
Like the down of thistle,
And nothing was left but the prints of his
shoes.
Mrs. s. q. Stone, in ". 7. Independent.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14

Jones asked his wife: "Why is a
husband like dough?" He expected
she would give it up, and he was going
to tell her that it was because woman
needs him; but shelsaid it was because
he was hard to get off her hands. Chi
caqO Herald.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14

Among the assisted immigrants
who reached Castle Garden recently
was three-year-old gentleman from
Ireland, named Slattery. None of his
lith or kin were with him. He viii
grow up with the country.-M 7. Her.
MID
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14

The editor of the Yonkers On. W
Record, in announcing the suspension
of his paper, said: ''Warm as the
weather is, it is a cold day for the
Record.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14

William Hughes affirmed as he
was dying in Philadelphia that he stols
a street car cash box, for which Will
lam Willoughby had served four years
Ia prison. Philadelphia PYsss,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14

New York, Boston, Providence
Hartford and New Haven have started
tramp Wood-sawing yards,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
Total Abstinence.

The spectacle of hundreds of young
men banded together upon the principle
of total abstinence from intoxicating
liquors is one which every friend of so
cial order must applaud. There is no
law, statutory, physical or moral,
against total abstinence. The adher-
ents of the principle violate no social
prophecies and do not make themselves
obnoxious to any body by advocating
what could do the slightest harm to the
community. Even those who find ex-
cuses for moderate drinking must ac-
knowledge that the total abstainer is
better off, on safer ground. No POS
sible peril of drunkenness comes to him
who lets intoxicating drink alone. No
wretched home, no starving wife and
children, no loss of employment, no
abandonment of self-respect loom up
before the man because of his decision
to abstain from the cursed drink. Such
arguments for total abstinence have
been thousand times repeated, and
they will never lose their force. But to
the man who thinks that he has self.
control enough to drink moderately,
and yet stop short of the bitter
end of the drunkard, a higher
motive appeals. To abstain from in
toxicating drinks because of the good
influence upon others is nobler motive
than to abstain merely to save ones
self. Every man is in some sense his
brothers keeper. Silent and small
though his influence be, it is an influ-
ence still, and the simple fact that he
declines the cup may save his brother
from destruction. The sheer that those
total abstainers have not moral stamina
enough to resist temptation, without
hedging themselves about with pledges,
answers itself The pledge itself is an
evidence of courage and self-control.
If the moderate drinker does not be-
ieve it, let him take and try to keep it.
Temperance Catholic ACvOcGte.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14

WILLIAM w. STEPHENS, who was .
commercial drummer good for 50, 600
year salary a few years ago, has fallen
. victim to the drummer's habit OF
treating all round, and went to ting
Cleveland poor house, recently, penni'
less and worthless aot.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-14
ROBBIE FLETCHER's x L

When the boys came out from school
that day they saw Robbie's little white
flag flying from his window. That was
always signal that he wanted to see
them, SO they ran up to his room, and
heard how his servants had signed the
Temp erance pledge.-IntcriO1.