Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-02-09
3. -.Y.Ti-S.

|
\ bullet headed man is usually a
chap Of small caliIbrc.
y COW is Ike ship. because when
si!" has iu,j her uddcr she has moth
inG L. steer by.
The lazy Idiot who insists upon
writing Ama~ has gone ont OF fashion
t"r another year
Hot h;!: II in Il castle is better than
a cold dinner in a cottage on wash
day.
FANNIE: Ynu are ri~ht. 1t is better
I" Return Il kiss for "a blow. And q
grca; deal swrctcr.
\ CourtIand man who read at the
snd Of friends marriage notice.
" No cards" sent him Il euchro deck
hy the first mail.
Mis-. LanStry is doing well. She
Will carry away more OF our money
than viii that other professional
beauty. Mr. Oscar Wilde
Massachusetts papers can somo
times be unkind. The Lynn Bee
calls an esteemed contemporary
Our nciShhor, over Mrs. Maioncy's
fruit store"
An Ohio man named Speaker has
just been married. As long as his
wifrs health ana volcc hold out he
will not he called upon to occupy the
char.
\ Chicago girl who has been pros
trated from the effects of too much
pie, writes to Il friend: II expect to
get upon my feet as soon as papa can
borrow Il derrick
Mrs. Regularity has become SO ac-
customcd tn retire punctually at I'D
o'clock. that all you have to do is to
set the clock Il couple of hours ahead
to put her fast asleep at Sr. NJ
Ching Chang Chinaman cannot go
home and bring a bride back to this
country. This is a form of protection
that must meet the approval of every
old maid that longs for a husband.
Yes" said the father q like to
have my daughter have beau. on
the score of economy If she didn't
some of the other members of the
family would occupy the parlor and
burn gas"
Since the announcement was made
that if man is blindfoldcd during
an attack of drlirium tromcns he will
hcrom" quiet. that's the frs. thing
they do To Chicago man when he
says he doesn't feel we'll.
"Fricnds." said the elderly gentle
man as they came ont of the tunnel,
let us all be honest, now, and confess"
And every person i'll the ear looked
cnnf'.Scd and cried, "Oh. there's
nothing to confess"
\ hungry man went 10 church
fair for his supper from 6 10 g."
When 4 thin oyster broth appeared
as the only nutriment. he exclaimed
with Hamlet: 80 that this stew to
solid flesh would melt"
Literal translation from the
French: At the extinguishment of
ono in the night ont broken fire
comes a fireman remarkably too late
The Commandant stands him about
it to IA speech. Fireman" could
not before come. as | SO far from the
fire location district live" Com
mandant Then must you next time
nearer move"
An English turfman visiting Mount
Vernon engaged in conversation with
4 native. and. after Il few prelimi-
nary remarks. observed: Il dare say
Mr.. Washington didn't care much for
'orses. You cawn't tell me. suppose,
| if he was ever Il 'orsc -hrcaker?'
The Nirginian eyed him IL few seconds
doubtfully. ana then answercd: Il
amt much on history, but to the
best of my recollection the General
WIS a lion tanner"
\ country clergyman had been
raised to the dignity of rural dean.
When before the Bishop he com
planned of not receiving any extra
title plain reverend did not seem
sufficient for his new dignity Tho
Bishop" he said, was called right
reverend; dean very reverend.
Why had not the rural dean also
some prefix" We'll, returned his
lorlship. Il don't know what it can
be unless it 10 rather reverend"
4 Cleveland inventor offers the
Government vacuum gun for the
life-saving service which will throw
over the surf. from the shore, an iron
boat containing Il man. with lines and
other apparatus calculated to bring
to land the people on board vessels
Il 4 L., 4
however, produce the man who's will
ing to be the one fired.
."Travoler:" You ask us what is
the best seat in case of Il railroad ac-
cidcnt? We do not fell able to an
swer with confidence, but would sug-
gest, from our experience of railway
accidents, that the safest seat would
be on rail fence about three miles
away from the scene of the disaster.
He was a pretty close man, without
doubt At breakfast he cut an egg
in two and gave the new hired man
ono half of it. The help alto it, and
held out his plate for more "Whatw
gaspcd the host: want Il hull egg"
"Of course l do" said the man.
The boss stared blankly at him a
moment, and then, pushing the half
egg across the table. snappishly cried
Take it, eat it, and kill yourselfw
The man ate it and is still alive.
a Vermont man, who arose in the
night and dressed hastily to go to a
fire, WAS on examination found to
have on, among other things. his
wife's waist Instead of a vest, one of
her gartcrs in place of a belt. and a
section of the stovepipr, he had
knockedi down. instead of his left
boot. Beside this his trousers were
reversed and he had used ono stock
ing for necktie He explained that
he dressed in a hurry and under ex
citement.
\ gentleman from Galcna, Idaho.
states that SiXtY-nine feet of snow