The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1883-12-22
THE WILD, WILD WEST.
Bow a Californian Poured Tales
of Horror In the Ears OF an
InQuir1ng Stranger.

! A well.known fellow citizen. now
prowling-not to say growing
through Europe, writes us the follow
ing touching experience:
II had been for about half an hour,
| he SAYS, "sitting on the deck of one
of the miserable little packets" that
Div between Dover and Calais. and
exasperating my fellow passengers by
refusing to join in the carnival OF
sea-sickness going on around me,
when a ruddy. faced, white-whiskered
bluf.looking individual who had
| been eyeing me for some time,
stepped up and said:
"Beg pardon, I'm sure; but are
| you the American ?"
The American !" I replied there
are several, I believe"
"Oh, of course, to be sure. l meant
| the one on board. I saw George b.
Blank, San Francisco, California. U.
S. painted on some of the baggage,
and Ipicked you out right away as the
owner" And the stranger inspected
| me from bead to feet with as vivid q
curiosity as if I had been a wild man
of the woods.
"Well," I finally exclaimed, I am
an American. What can / do for
you
"Why.er-nothing-that is-no Of
Tense, I hope, and you are q Californ-
ian too ?" he said, rubbing his hands
ss though he had indeed met a rara
avis. "Ever scalped by the Indians:
II think not" l replied.
"You've scalped some of them,
though, haven't you 2" persisted nay
inquisitor.
Concluding that inasmuch as I
was in for being made q side show of
I might as well indulge In some Of
the circus-poster sort of thing, /
looked my questioner calmly in the
eve and said: "Some twenty.six or
seven, l forget which !; I have the tai
ly nicked in the handle Of my other
scalping knife; I carry only one
bowie in this country. SO seldom
one runs across any fun over here,
you know"
"KilIed many white men ?" asked
the stranger, who appeared to be act
ually quivering with excitement and
curiosity.
"Only eight or ten,' I replied care
lessly. "You see, IN California there
is quite a close season now for shoot
ing white men. faint like the good
old man.for-breakfast times. A fell
low is allowed to gun around promis-
cuous only four months in the year.
So it's hard keeping ones hand in,
don't you see?"
"Well I declare'" said the appar-
emily stupefied man with the chop
whiskers : how about Cinnamon J"
"Oh, we kill Cinnamon ali the year
round-when they're fat" l ex-
planned. But then there is lately
some sort of an ordinance making it
a misdemeanor to shoot a pigtail un-
less he is on the shady side OF the
street or gets in your way. Folks are
getting too Internally particular over
that, for a fact"
Liver been divorced ~ finally said
the stranger, whose eyes wre now
sticking out like pegs on a hat rack.
"Nine times, l think" l said, SIN
fact I intended to have been again
when 1 passed Chicago on my way
over, but the train only stopped elev-
en- minutes and there wasn't time
enough to rush it through-takes
twenty-five minutes, you know"
I thought this had knocked him
out, but after a few minutes bewil-
dered cogitation he returned to the
charge once more.
us it really true that all Ameri-
cans wear chest protectors and eat
nothing but pie"
"Well, you see, the fact is that
Americans are, as you know, such a
frightfully busy people that they
haven't time to sit down and eat a
square meal like you English. They
must have something portable, ONE
thing they can carry about wi9h
them and nibble on the sly. 1 tell
you, sir, it looks like business when
you see forty or fifty men all hang
ing on to the straps Of street car
with one hand and eating pie with
the other"
II should rather think So" MUIR
injured the stranger.
"As for the chest protectors I
continued, "they are really nothing
more than pockets suspended around
the neck and large enough to carry a
whole pie. which it keeps warm at
the same time. A good, hot mince
pc slowed away in this manner not
only imparts a gentle and grateful
warmth to the entire system, but
keeps a whole days rations always
within reach of the wearer. Grand
idea, isn't it?"
"Well, I'm blessed" said my fairly
p~aralyzed interrogation. gazing at my |
and ingenious face with
profound awe. "Would you oblige
me with one of your cards." he said,
II want to show it to my family, or
never believe a word of it
never. Thanks; here's mine"
AS L stepped chuckling into my
own compartment, I glanced at the
card of the stranger. 1t said: Julius
X. JudKins, San Francisco, Cal"
1 have spent eight hours a day
looking for that man ever since.
There will he bloodshed out Of this
yet, mark my word.
It is suggested that if the Fire
Brigade store their paraphernalia,
the county should purchase their
thousand pound bell to be placed in