Milford chronicle., 1883-07-27
WIT AND WISDOM.


l. A VERY precious maiden-Etti Quette.
e CALLING the roll-Yelling ''hot buns"
o A THUNDER storm is a high-toned af-
, fair.
ABUn1 in the ring-Pulling the wrong
door bell.
Irs A WISE saw that sets its own teeth
! on edge.
r OUR youth we can have but to-day,
We may always find time to grow old.
2 A CHEERFUL face Is nearly as good
for an invalid as healthy weather.
Or all thieves fools are the worst; they
{ rob you of time and temper,
THE best education in the world. is
that got by struggling to get living
FLOWERS are the sweetest things that
God ever made and forgot to put soul
into.
The farmer should be man able to
talk ON anything that comes up.-NesO
orleans Picaylme.
ALL other knowledge is hurtful to him
who has not the science of honesty aad
good nature.
We seldom find people ungratefui so
long as we are in a condition to render
them service.
ENvY is a passion so full of cowardice
and shame, that nobody ever had the
confidence to own it.
FATE is the friend of the good, the
guide of the wise, the tryant of the fool
ish; the enemy Of the bad.
THREE years constant study in italy
will make an American girl know too
much to sing in church, and too little
to be useful in opera.
IT Is STATED that nearly 400 persons
were killed by wind in this country last
year, and yet thousands of men are will
ing to risk their lives by getting elected
to Congress.
WHEN the hired girl was asked to put
an extra plate on the table she said she
wasn't much of an arithmetician, butshe
could work an example in simple add
dish-on like that.
REAL ort-Fisherman: "Get any
sport in this stream, Pat?" Pat: "In-
deed we do, sorr-the hight O sport,
sorr; we always throw the bailifs in
there, sorr. ~ Exchange.
A LADY writer is out with an article
entitled "How to Catch a Husband"
But her theory is all wrong Ask any
married woman how to catch husband,
and she will reply, "By the hair. !"
'Ir is no use, said the policeman to
the sufferer whose pocket was picked on
the Fourth Of July, ''for you to put a
guard on your watch, unless you also
keep a watch on your guard Move
on.
THE other day am author went to Du-
mas to read to him two plays. After he
read one of them he asked Dumas:
''What do you think of it?" 81 like
the other better, was the reply, after
moment of reflection. Detroit Free
Press.
A BoAsTER in a hotel was telling of the
many sections of the country that he
had visited. A fellow at his elbow
asked, 'Have you ever been in Alge-
bra ?" ooh, yes, said the boaster, 81
passed through there on the top Of a
stage coach about a year ago"
"WERE you in the late war 2" asked
veteran Of a badly demoralized citizen,
who came hobbling down the street on
/ crutch. 81 don't know how late you
mean, /" was the sad reply. 'She gave
ne this one last night before tea. -
Burlington Free Press.
WATERMELON growers in the South
stimate that if the comet had put in an
appearance a month earlier they would
ave had several thousand more melons
or the market. It seems that the class
f people who acquire their watermelons
N a dark night are superstitious about
Herald.
'sSrAT1RA JONES" said fond mother
he other morning, to her daughter,
did Daniel johnson kiss you on the
teps last night?" "No, mamma, he
id not" If the fond parent had said
louth instead of the steps, it would
ave troubled Jane to reply; although,
tier all, steps are things to a door
'oston Courier.
CRY angler to old resident" How is
? haven't caught fish to-day, while
gu have basket full. 'Well, you
e. these are mighty bashful ishn this
ond they're afraid of strangers. You
av here an fish every day for six
onths an they'll get to know you an
ick their heads out Of the water at
,out your hour to see if you're comm.
CRY boarder to Farmland; "Why
,es that odd-looking fowl make that
lrious noise ." "That rooster that jest
owed? Oh, that's jest a way he has,
a'am. Of signifyin' that he's high
rer from up the creek, and can lick all
cation, and that he is happy because
amt old enough by eleven years to
AXE q pot-pie for summer boarders.-
iddletown Transcript
RECENTLY, while stocks were selling
upisb figures, a woman who visited
hulz's market was asked what she
shed. She replied: "Let me look at
: stock quotations first After glanc-
? over them moment she remarked
Vell, you may send the incest roass