National Republican., 1883-03-06
Denpa tribune.

/ hear that awful doctor speak
It's another girl
-Denpa tribune
A LOVERS puzze-How to get the marked
mosey after the wedding.
GRUFF voices are said to be heard much
more readily at the telephone than squeaky ones
THERE are three pie factories in Philadel.
phia. Philadelphiaalso has the most hourishing
obituary columns
WHEN Nine. Nilsson goes to Montreal sho
will be the guest OF the Marquis of Lorne at tho
government house.
A HANDKERCHIEF may he generous Says
Shakespeare: That handkerchlefdid an Egyptian
10 my mo.Dtr give"
ACCORDING to an Ayrshire paper, there IS
not siuglo copy OF Buinss poems in the free
public library al Mauchline.
REFERRING to the passion Play" once
| more, 1t begins to look as though Judas was
likely to get LEFT on his thirty pieces ofsllver.
To whom it may concern: In the sowing
season when Dakota farmer is short of help his
daughters turn out TO assist him. They are said to
look very SOW wheat.
New YORK man who can't sing has been
! fined $40 for joining his voice to the music of a
choir. good many persons now say they want
| to go to church in New York.
ONE of the proudest moments of a ROSTERS
life is when one OF his wives lays egg aud comes
and tells him about II. He tptoes about the neigh
borhood as though he did 1t himself,
THE Now Haven Register complains that
| the architecture of the present is TOO lofty. May
our esteemed cotempoEary have tho same fault to
| lnd with the architecture of the future.
LAST month 10, 900 cases of champagne were
| imported by New York houses. The fact is
( nah NJ fNr hy tba pf Tho Iff,paa NrIa
orchard and chemical works in New Jersey.
A MAN in Russell, Ont, is oxcavating
cave in which to house his family during
| Wiggns's March storm. 1t is not known that
| Virgins is spending any money for such protec.
| ton.
A TENNESSEE girl is suffering from hydro
phobia produced by the bite of a squirrel She
was probably practicing for kissing bee, and
was too bashful to experiment with the genuine
article.
Two hundred and four New York youths
under twenty years of age have married within
year. 1t Is sad to see little children torn from their
homes, but New York young women keep reaching
for husbands.
Mr.. DAMALA, Bernhardt's husband, says
he has renouuced his dream of being an actor
Mr.. Damalas dream may have been to him a
simple dream, but to people who went to the
theater It was Il nightmare,
KENTUCKY still retains the provision that
"n) person, while ho continues to exercise the
functions of clergyman, priest, or teacher of any
religious persuasion society," or sect, shall be eli
gibe TO the general assembly"
THE man who has been eating eighteen No.
l buolweat cakes for breakfast Tor three months
now finds that a round dozen are amply sufficient
This is one OF strongest evidences have that
the backbone Of winter Is broken.
THE Society Of the Black Hand in Europe
is evidently powerful organization. Such So
cletes are sure to spring up where there are des.
potic governments to say that man shall not
have dollar and half for his vote.
A MAN had three sons. One could never
find anything The father got him appointed de-
teotve. The second could never learn to spell.
This one he sent 10 learn the art of printing. The
third being color blind, the father made painter
ofhim.
A UTICA lady, over 30 years of age, was at
tackled with fever about II year ago. and all OF
T her hair came ont. Since she has recovered from
her illness her hair has come in gray and fine.
and so thick that comb cannot be passed
through it,
THE Toronto Globe has an article headed
The Wondrous Power of Song" 1t indeed has
a wondrous power particular under the window
of your best girls room along about midnight.
1t will draw bulldog from the woodshed quicker
than Q beef bone.
AN innocent young couple at Chagrin Falls,
Ohio got marriage license, which they supposed
+ was all that was necessary and did not find out
their mistake until they had been keeping house
for several weeks. Their chagrin at the discovery
may be imagined.
SOME of the congressional election judges
In st. Louis did not know the difference between
the state legislature and congress, and one did not
know, after the election was over, the name of
one Of the candidates. If freedom shriehed when
Kosciusko fell, how would she express herself
after few hours in 81. Louis?
THE Dutch government swears that the
shot fired AT the American ship Valencia at Cura-
Goa was merely salute. AS the salute consisted
Of heavy solid shot which struck within fifteen
feet Of the Vesse the secretary of state should re-
quest the Dutch to be less ahectionate in their
demonstrations hereafter.
Mr.. EMORY SToRRs wants to be the next
, mayor OF Chicago, and is making temperance
1 aud religious campaign. He praises the Chicago
, hog to the disparagement of the Cincinnati pOr.
| cine, which makes Cincinnati very mad. Gin
2 cnnati says the question Of the hog which Mr..
sorrs has raised that the Cincinnati cuts are moro
artistic. Pork and high artl He gods!
IN single season an oyster can lay severa
million eggs, u fish double that number ifit Is in
any health ut ALL and even the ordinary house ay,
1t is said can acquit itself of20OO0 without any
d very great mental strain. But hen, whose eggs
are good for something, gets black in the face
trying TO lay seven in week, and then goes all
A ovec the nelghborhood telling about it. Nature
: has made failure of the egg business.
v SNOWMAN FoREPAUGH says 81 can tell
you Just what part of the country am in by the
kind Of pie, If | eat them outsde the hotels. In
the south, It's sweet potato pie in the west berry
pie middle country, apple piei Canada, erau-
II berry pie, and New England, pumpkin pie. Hote
l. landlords all over the world have great opinion
IS of the filling quality of dried apple pie. Elephants
IL camels, osriches aud monkeys are the only ami