The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-06-08
HUMOR.

64IxHGB6 says tnoro IL JUST no uii-
ference between right and wrong.
A MORMON with Q plurality of lean
wives, speaks of them as his spare
ribs"
II NEVER was better in my life, as
the man said when asked to take
wager.
The prosperity of the book agent
proves that falsehood is mighty and
will prevail.
The average woman is composed OF
$40 bones, 169 muscles, twenty-nine old
newspapers, and 210 hair-pins,
A BACHELOR cynic remarks that it is
singular how early in life child gains
the reputation of resembling the rich
est and best-looking of his reletives.
A MAN who visited the Signal Service
Department while in Washington. says
il reminded him of social party. All
the people were talking about the
weather.
MISS VERDANT, of Verdantville,
bought letter writer" and then
wrote an indignant letter to the book
seller because she had to write the let
tiers herself.
AN apothecary, in decorating for
Washington's birthday, placed jar OF
calamus root in the show window and
labeled it Sweet flag of my country"
but no one saw the point.
The Elmira Gazette tells of woman
who applied for the position of street
car driver. She was asked: "Can you
manage mules?" and replied: "Of
course 1 can. I've had two husbands.
well, may I hope, then, dearest,
that at some time l may have the hap
piness of making you my wife?" Yes,
l hope so, am sure" she replied; for
am getting tired of suing fellows for
breach of promise
A PARTISAN photographer has made a
) hit photographing children apparently
on the edge of a precipice. He is said
to be perfectly satisfied with his sue
cess on a picture when the mother
screams at sight of the proof.
THE only time a good man should
play poker is when the kitchen fire
needs raking. Even then it is liable to
prove losing game unless he had pre-
viously provided the proper amount OF
chips.-NelC York Adcertiser.
No, SIR" Indignantly exclaimed a
city official who had been approached
in a way that did not accord with his
notions of his dignity, 81 will not do it.
Do you suppose that 1 will sell my
birthright for an ounce of potash ~
Rocfn,1 T,.1 IA cp,.inf
A THREE-LEGGED jackass has been
born in California. His is an unhappy
lot. With one leg too many to be
classed as human, and one too few to
be on par with the brute variety, he
doesn't know where he properly be-
longs. boston Transcript.
A MOTHERS pride. what Your
son is only sergeant?" "Yes, that is
his grade, but"-with pride, and con-
fdentially-"in reality, you know, he
is Captain, but he doesn't publish the
fact because he does't want to wound
the feelings of his comrades who haven't
got on as rapidly as he has,"
A Boston girl lost her engagement
ring, and advertised liberal reward
for its recovery. About q fortnight
afterward, coarselooking man called
at her residence with the missing
trinket. In spite of the rough treat
ment it had received, she recognized it
at once, and asked rather sharply !:
"How did you come to get it all
scratched and nicked up in this
fashion," well, MISS" explained the
man, "you see, had no gal of my own,
so used it for dog collar. Brook
Ign Eagle.
AVERAGE candidate "No, sir, / am
not candidate for reelection. There
isn't any money in the office, and it's
more trouble than it's worth. A man
never gets paid for serving the public
anyway. Somebody always finds fault.
Never intent to run for office again,
but, still, if the people want me, Of
course I'll serve. 1 think 1 can beat
anybody that has come out thus far.
Say! If you can say anything that will
! help me along, l wish you would. >
ArkanSa,C Trareler.
LOVE LETTERS.
II thou, Miss, wouldst LEvs
Ny es with PDN NC,
And me no more Nj ACS
Say thou art not mine Y M II.
True love in its NJ n CT
My boldness must 10 u 8:
So let no n NJ II ct
My daring hopes l. NJ 8.
Thy beauty &XLNC
My efforts will IiRS,
Aud always o ID n C
To thee from me shall MN8.
For thou art my L EFT;
hail thee my ID Il T;
And If love with II q,
Ascribe it to my L @.
-Ne,c York Graphic.