Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-10-13
BIG SWELL.
Curious Circumstances that Brought
Together Billy Cripps and Jimmie
Billduck.

"Streaks O. wet weather mos alluz
fetches bad luck" said the Old Set
tier of Pipe county, Pa, ''but I never
see wet season sech ez this un's ben
but l think O The bully luck that
Billy Cripps tumbled into in the fall
O '39. Uncle Jonas Billduck had a
farm down in Jersey. burned if I
don't b'lieve the apples they raised
on that farm of a season would a
bought the hull O. Lackawack. Billy
wanted to marry Jonas darter Je-
mime, but the ole man didn't seem to
like the notion. though he hadn't
nothin' agin' Billy 'cept that he
want rollin' very much in wealth.
"Wall, in '36 the apple crop was
immense. Uncle Jonas he'd more'n
his sheer, like the rest on 'em. One
day a smart neighbor O. his'n got an
idee. He come to Jonas and argied
that mes likely the chances was,
b'gosh, that mex year the apple
crop'd be dead failur'. an that
naturally there'd be big call for
dried apples.
"'Now, Uncle JONAS says he,
well jist kind % go pardners like, an
peel an dry snortin' ole pile o ap-
pies this fall, lay 'em over, an ketch
the market heavy when it gets a
hankerin' fur sech goods mex fall,'
"The idee struck Uncle Jonas, an
he set the hull family peelin' apples,
an 'twan't long fore they had 400 or
500 bushels O. dried apples on hand.
Uncle Jonas's house want very
large un, an it stood bout fifty foot
from the line O. apastur' lot b'longin'
to Hoppy Dusenberry. Nor morn
100 foot from one side o. the house,
whar they was only one winder. an
that was up stairs, they was quite a
steep knoll, an at the foot O this
Jonas he'd built high wall. The
groun' twixt that an the house was
stony, an want used fur anything,
so Jonas concluded to spread his
dried apples on boards twixt the
house and the wall. He built roof
over 'em, an thar he had 'em slowed
away snug enough.
"Wall, that fall Billy Cripps was
pesterin' the old man more'n ever to
let up an give him Jemine. One day
Jonas got mad.
"'See yer. Billy says he, I'm a
gittin' durn tired O. this. They ain't
no use. You're jist -ez likely to git
Jemime ez am to be livin' over
thar in Hoppy Dusenberry's pastur
Now. the fus' fine mornin' you come
long this way an find me livin'
over thar, jist walk in, tell me, an
then you kin walk off with Jemine'
"Ez mad ez he were, Jonas had to
laugh to think O. the joke o. the
thing. Billy he toddled off an made
up his mind that he and Jemine
| couldn't never hitch.
"The season had been wet all
through the summer, an was ksepin'
it up. One night, jist arter Jonas
had give Billy Cripps his last walkin'
papers, there come up an ole tearer
of rain-one o. them warm fellers
that soaks right in. There was a
rippin' wind come long with it.
recomember twere on Saturday night,
fur Uncle Jonas family alluz took a
rest Sunday mornin's, not gittin' up
fore half-past 6 or z. That Sunday
mornin', though, there come rap at
the door fore 6 O'Clock. Jonas got
up an dressed hisself an went down.
Thar was Billy Cripps.
"'Mornin' Uncle JONAS says he.
"'Mornin.' says Uncle Jonas.
What in the name o. the grizzly
king be you doin' yer this time O
day.
awall, says Billy, 4 were jist
goin' by, and seen as you'd moved
over inter Hoppy Dusenberry's
pastur lot, / thort I'd drop in an
walk off with Jemime. jist ez you
tole me to- says he.
'Sure ez guns, thar were Jonas's
house standin' plumb over the line
inter Hoppy's pastur lot. You see
the high wind O. the night afore he'd
lifted the roof off'n Jonas dried ap-
pie shed. The warm rain had belted
in on 'em, and soaked inter 'em
through an through. Wall you
know dried apples. They jist begun
to swell an swell. They couldn't
push the wall down, but sumpin' had
to give. That sumpin' were the
house. Ez them 500 bushels O. ap-
pies KEEP doublin' theirself in size,
they jist quietly pushed that house
along, b'gosh, never wakin' mortal
up in it, till they landed it safe an
sound over on Hoppy Dusenberry's
pastur' lot. Wall, O. course Jonas
couldn't go back on his word, an
Billy got de gal. But the dried ap-
pies was split"
And the Old Settler took his UNI
brella ont of the wood box and went
home beaming.INew York Sun.
A London journal says in regard
to the Queens reading, that ''of the
newspapers, she is supposed to read