The banner-enterprise., 1883-07-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Noah was never afraid of starvation
during the flood. He always had
Ham in the ark.
Directions for resucitating a half
drowned individual: If it's girl
whisper ice cream in her ear.
When a woman wants to be pretty
she bangs her hair, and when she
wants to be ugly she bangs the door.
Women do not suffer as much as they
used to- in old times, from contraction
of the shest. Just look at the size OF
the Saratoga trunks.-IeaGs SVt'ngs'
A case is on record where barber
and his victim were both happy. Inc
former talked on without interruption
and the latter was eaf.-ToIedo Amer"
scan.
A Hartford boy can initiate the
sound of dog-fght perfectly, and
twice the police have had to rescue
him from disappointed crowdS.--boS-
ton Post.
The man who wrote little pamph~
let entitled "How to Get On in the
World" was put off street car the
other day because he hadn't money
enough to pay his fare.-NorrtSt'a0H
Herald.
"Ma, is Long Branch an awful dirty
placer" "Why, no, my chlld-what
made you think SOP" "Why, here Is
an advertisement that says Is washed
by the tide twice a day."-BtTttngton
Free Press.
"My big brother can ride on bi-
cycle with two wheels" said one small
boy to another. "Good golly, that's
nothing" replied the other. why,
! nv little brother can ride on one with
three wheels. .'-Kentucky State Jour
Qai.
Making him feel at home: Enfant
Terrible-"Oh, papa, do ask Mr.. Gobe--
mouche to swallow his napkin"
Guest (smilingly -" Why do you wish
me to do that, Miss Alice?" Alice,
earnestly - "Oh, because mamma
says you will swallow anything"
lie slipped quietly in at the door, but
catching sight of an inquiring face
over the stair-rail, said: "Sorry So
late, my dear, couldn't get a car be-
fore" $50 the cars were full too"
said the lady; and further remarks
were unnecessary.-Georgid MAJOR.
The man who has country cousin
with desirable farm residence is now
busy trying to explain how it hap
pened that, during the winter season
the C. c. visited the town, be was never
able to find his fashionable relative at
home or get admission to the house.
Fall Rirer AdrGnce.
"An American young lady singer
went to Europe bearing the name OF
Mary Jane Boggs, and her cognomen
is now Miss Lima Lafonti." Well, if
the residents of the school district
where she lived before she took her
European tour are unable to recognize
her under her assumed name, theywlll
probably have no difficulty in recog-
nizing her yoice,-Peck'S Sun.
A young man, dressed in the height
of fashion, and with poetic turn OF
mind, was driving along a country
road, AMI, upon gazing at the pond
which skirted the highway, said: "0h,
how | would like to lave my heated
head in those cooling waters " An
} Irishman, oveThearing the exclama-
. ton, Immediately replied: Bedad, you
l might lave it there and it wouldn't
r nk."-PretzspS Weekly"
r wHo2
| Who visits us in summers heat?
= Vino bores us often on the street?
, Who frequently at home we meet?
Who sails around on pinions heet2
I Who takes in every free-lunch treat2
Q Who dimes with poor and the elite2
Q Who always gorges on fresh meatH
a Who never deigns TO take treat?
But always stands upon his feet
V Whenever he's inclined to eat?
l Who should il be but that petite
q Iihle bitter, with the sweet
g Name, Mosquit2
Boston Courier.
A country merchant visited the city
and purchased from a dollar store ;
table caster, which he took home with
. him, and after putting a tag on 4
u = marked s14, made present of it to
!, Methodist preacher, whose church hi
u family attended. The reverend gen
u = tleman took the package home, openeC
. it and examined the contents. TIL
= next day he took the caster with tn
= tag attached) back to the groceryman
= and said to him: 81 am too poor il
= this worlds goods to afford to displa
: so valuable a caster on my table; an
!, if you have no objection, | should lik
y to return it and take $l4 worth of gre
y ~ ceries in its stead" The merchan
y could do nothing but acquiesce, bu