The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-06-05
Tho Delaware bod.

! At any hotel in Delaware YOU can poi
q positive bed-a bed that is as com
Portable to sleep in as it is to look upo,
lin short, Il bed that comes up to the
description set forth in any respcctablt
dictionary. 1t is not one of those
uneven, mountainous things euphemis.
tically called beds--those things that
shed their Stats and keep you awake all
night and charge you $l0 a week fo,
doing it--bnt Il regular, honest, ninety,
nine-cents-on-the dollar feather-be;l
And thick-why, Il Delaware feather,
ped is so thick that you can't climb into
it! You have to stand on the bureau
and jump on it. And when you land
on it.yOu commence to sink. And YOU
sink. and sink, and sink, until YOU
think you are down in the cellar. And
you sleep SO well and so sound that yo,
conclude in the morning that you never
kne' what sleeping was before.
But when the morning comes the fun
| commences.
The fun consists in getting out of
that bed. You had to jump to get into
it, instead of having ladder; but yo,,
cannot Jump out Of it. 1t isn't solid
enough for a foot-hold; and if you at
tempt to jump, you will only lose your
balance and fall. The fall won't hurt
you any, unless your head comes in
contact with the head-board. Then
you will feel lonesome. You try to
walk off the bed, but you can't; yo,l
become exhausted before YOU reach the
edge. 1t is like walking through IL
swamp.
You wish there was a chandelier over
the bed that you could grab and swing
from on to the floor, but there is no
chandelier there. And you wish YOU
had a rope fastened to the door-knob,
that you might haul yourself out; but
you haven't, and that is the end of it,
dearly beloved, and there is no use
worrying about it.
Then you try to swim off; but you
can't. You reach out and try to haul
yourself up to the edge; but instead of
hauling yourself up to the edge, you
haul about four tons of feather-bed
down to your face.
On, how you yearn and silently wish
for good pair of Canadian snow-shoes
with spurs on. them! But there is no
use of signing for them, for there isn't
pair in town, and if there was you
couldn't secure them without first get
GlllB OuC OIL Dcu.
Then you think it would be grand
idea to pull some of the fcather-bed up
from the edge, and fall over it and sift
yourself through the Stats; but this
you cannot 60, because you are already
up to your ears in feather-bed, and if
you go to pull the edge to you, you will
be over your head and suffer asphyxia-
ton.
And then you sigh for your Jack
knife, that you mny tap the bed alid let
all the feathers run out OH the floor.
But your jack-knife is in your trousers
pocket, and your trOusers-pocket is in
your trousers, and your trousers on the
chair, and the chair is by the window,
and the window is about twelve feet
| from the bed, and there is no boat-hool1
in the room, and your knife might as
well be in the next county. This
causes you to give up the idea of tap
ping the bed with your jack-knife, and
you just stand up and yell: "Firc!
Murder!' and everything else you can
conveniently think of.
Then mp come the bartender, and
the porter, and the proprietor, and
burst open your door, because you can It
open it yourself. Then they look for
yoll--they try to find the point from
which the noise comes. And when
they find where you are, they pick the
feather-bed up and, after four or five
minutes hard work, manage to shake
you out of it OH the floor.