The bee., 1883-01-13
PRESS SIFTINGS.
ScmefhinEint the Bed.

he goes to bed. One night somehow
it slipped down, and as the Judge was
restless it worked it's way down toward
the foot of the bed After bit. while
ne was lying awake, his foot touched
it; it felt very cold He was surprised
scared, and jumping from the bed he
said:
''DIy gracious, Maria, there's a toad
or something under the covers. I
touched it with my foot"
Mrs. Pitman gave a loud scream and
was on the floor in an instant,
Now don't go hollerikg and waking
up the neighbvrs," said the Judge.
"You get broom or something and
well fix the thing mighty quick"
Mrs. Pitman got the broom and gave
it to the Judge with the remark that
she felt as though snakes were creep
ing up and down her legs and back
"Oh nonsense, Maria! Now, turn
down the covers slowly while hold
the broom and bang it. Put bucket
of water alongside of the bed so that
we can shove it in and drown it.
Mrs. Pitman fixed the bucket, and
gently removed the covers. The
Judge held the broom uplifted, and as
the black ribbon of the silver watch
was revealed he cracked away at it
three or four times with the broom,
then he pushed the thing off into the
bucket. Then they took the light to
investigate the matter When the
Judge saw what it was he said;
~ might have known; it's just like
you women to go screeching and fus-
sing about nothing. It's utterly
ruined"
'It was you that made the fuss, not
me- said Mrs. Pitman.
"You needn't try to put the blame
on me-
Then the Judge turned in and
growled at Maria until he fell asleep
and Manufacturer.
"Am Brudder Stepoff johnson in De
hall dis Gavin ?' asked the President
us he arose and looked up an& down
the aislpS
"Yes, sab"
Den he viii please step to the
front"
Brother Johnson appeared To- labor
under the impression that a medal
was about to be presented him for hav-
ing the longest heels of any colorel
man in America, and his face wore
broad grin us he stood at the desk.
stephen Johnson" said Brother
Gardner in his most solemn tones Il
was in de back room of a grocery on
Beaubien street de Odder night to bar
gain for ten bushels of 'taters, an
heard your voice us you cum IN tooFdPr
fO' pounds of buckwheat -four, and to
remark dat your ole woman was ravin'
crazy wild de tOofache.'
~ es, sab, dat was me"
ode ole man Climax soon drapped in.
an it wasn't five minits befO' YOU haI
a hot dispute bout de aige of de airth.'
''Ie doan' know muffin sah.'
''YOu called him fool
An he called me ALTAR"
''YO OH said he was bigot."
''An he said / was a humbug.'
II heard it all BruddeT johnson. and
now / want to talk to you a little. In
the fust place, what do you know bout
lie aige of de wOrld?"
1-I--well, sab, what does de old
man Climax know bout it?"
Oats it-what do either Of you
know bout it? Nufin'-nullin tall.
OATS whar de trubblc Gums in Two
men will dispute harder obcr what dey
loan know dan Ober solemn fackS
De worst enemy / ebeT had was man
who got mad at me becase | wouldn't
believe in ghosts. What we dOan
know we often try to make up for in
argument. What we lack in argry-
nent we try to make up fur'in balb. II
Im easier to call q man fool dan To
produce facks and figures to convince
lim dat he am in de wrong. 1t am
afer to call an old man a liar ian
o wink at a young mans wife. Let
ne say to you:
What you believe in wild all yer
IeaTt may, arter all, be wrong.
''De man who draps argument f'h
pithet has no case
1T am only de fair5ct rinded men
Who admit deir ignorance of what de!
Oan' know"
abuse may silence man, but u
FOd't convince him."
"It am only de bigot who PrideS nl'n'
elf on his cast-iron opinyuns.
. ut am only dc fool who belle's9
am true becase ne asserts
M
"NOw, Brudder Johnson, you oi"P
ack to yer bench an sOt down an
toy sOt. an de mex time you D a. T.
boldly announce daV ~,
-orld am fifty milIyOn vars old !gr ~.
ick up your buckwheat flour an wan ',,,
Ome wild de reheckshun dat it woolun :
;tablish de facks in de case II you a"
i'm war to gOuge an bite an kleN an "n
aw till deir wasn't a rod OF slueT%@ TDes
1T in Gardnerville. - DttI''' wv
reSS.
He was a pretty close man, Wltno%,
,ult At breakfast he cut an egg III
yo and gave the new hired man u, Vn a,,t
alf of it. The help ate it and helu UoJ o"I
s plate for more. ''What SSpoCf lp.of
Ie host, "want a hull egg, ,oss
'urse / do" said the man. nc and
ared blankly at him moment % tbc
en pushing the half egg acI'[S 80 Il