Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-10-08
BRIGHT BITS.

\ TRAMP called his shoes corporations
because they had no solcs.-CWcbuIotl
IrUccicr.
\ CONTINUED story in an amateur
journal opens as follows: "Will you tell
me where my coIar-buttou isl Never"
Then YOU must die."-Ne'r York .Jclr-
nal.
.IF | punish YOU" said a mother to
her little girl, ''you don't suppose | do it
for my pleasure. do you:' Then whose
pleasure is it for, mamma |-Ff0m the
French.
ANoTHER Apache Indian outbreak at
Tombstone, Arizona, resulted in the
death of a man named Ward. Probably
they had heard some of Artemus' Jokes.
hence the mistake.
NOUNG LADY: The word call" in
poker has different significance from
what il does in society. In poker, if your
opponent calls you } ave got to sec
him, without any excuse Of sickness or
mot at home"
WHAT was in it: My case is Wse
here" said citizen to "A lawyer, The
plaintiff will swear that ! hit him. ! will
swear that did not. Now, what can you
lawyers make out of that if we 20 to
trialH' ~ hundred dollars, easy was
the reply.
4 SCOTCHMAN, so goes the story, stand
ing bv the family grave, said: There lie
my gran'fathcr and my gran'mither and
my ain father and mithcr, and there lies
my brither Bod, and my pWr girl Jean
ME, and there lies my wife; and II IW
Sgarcd. here I'll lie, too
''HELLo, Sprigglcs! How's the Legs
lative race in your Ward?' "Oh, fine.
Two candidates are running one bad
man and the other good one And Of
course you're going to vote to send the
good man. "Of course ] amt. He'd be
toodarn'd lonesome - 0UiSrUc C0jTicJ-
.JoUTldi.
\ YORKSHIRE man whose well lately
caVcd i'm contriVpd tOmakC the authorities
suspect that he had murdered a man and
put his body at the bottom of the well,
and took things easy at the Jail while
they dug his well out for him. lie now
talks of suing the town for false impris-
onment.- ErchdHgc.
THERE is not a dude in Finland. Elm
nish dudes, d" SAYS the historian. never live
long enough to be completed. They are
used for crab bait before their buttons be
disclosed. and are thus scnsibIy utilized
IN the liquid morn and dew of youth he
fore contagious ailments become imm-
nent. "-Ihc CIdHbs' GU.ette
THINGS one would not have said: Mrs
A.-"Come and lunch with us tomorrow.
You will be interested in the schOolmas-
ter's bride" Mrs. Bob, yes, how do
YOU like herr Mrs. A.-''Nery well,
only she's little unused to the ways of
society. | shouldn't like to ask her to
meet nice people. Exchange.
\ HEALTH journal says; ''Too thick
Undertaking causes unnatural redness
i'm the face and nose" We never heard it
called that name before. Perhaps if the
editor Of the health journal was to dilute
his ''under-clOthing" with Il little water
before swallowing it, the unnatural color
would not manifest itself so prominently.
THE Professor. from his official chair
we who ourselves dedicate to a noble
career find necessary to the complete full
filment of our mission a large develop
ment of the body as well as a powerful
unfolding of the intellect. our duties are
laborious and painful, We must accus-
tom ourselves to perform them without
helps eXtraneous or artificial. The good
engineer, like the skilful mariner, must
be able 10 shave himself in the dark with
ont a looking-glass," \ pupil-"But, if
in the dark, how might a looking-glass aid
him. The Proiess0r-''Silence the
mouth, sir. Nou come here to learn -
Cjtf If NpFicO UOHUOT,