The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1883-02-12
Mr.. spoopENoYKE MAD,

room and fell into chair, "did you
know that that section of stove
pipe, with handy legs and Presby-
terrain steeplc nose, had published a
book about you and me?"
"No!,, exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. s'You don't tell me! Is it
anything like Napoleon Bonaparte
crossing the Alps!"
"No, it ain't anything like
Napoleon Bonapartc crossing the
Alps!" snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke'
'And it amt anything like Julius
Hannibal crossing the Hellcspont!
Nor it amt anything about Queen
Victoria! It's about you and me, 1
tell you! It's all about our private
life, and the idiot always represents
Inc as going to bed mad!"
81 don't think that there's any
thing in our private life to be asham-
cd Of" said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
land as to your going to bed mad
you generally do, don't you, dear?''
''What if 1 do!' howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''S'pose 1 want to
go to bed on every news stand in the
country danc up i'll cheap binding
and bad type! Think 1 want posters
out on the fances, 'Spoopendyke
going to bed mad, in paper 25 cents
Spoopendyke go;rg to bed mad, with
additions and preface by the author,
p.ice 30 cents; Spoopcndyke going
to bed mad, bound in cloth with
beveled edges; children cry for it
and doctors recommend it, price SIP,
Got an idea that / want to go to bed
mad in twenty-four editions, with a
row with news company, printers
bills unpaid and paper manufact-
urer bowling for his money? Wah-h-
h-h!" yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke. "It's
a book, tell you! Cut on the edges,
pasted on the back, covered on the
outside and reading matter all ove.!
Know what a book is? The only
difference between book and your
mouth is that the book shuts up once
in while |! Who gave him the facts !"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke leaned back in
his chair and frothed at the mouth.
"What Goes the man say in his
book?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke.
SHE don't say anything! He don't
get chance! You do all the talk
ing like you do at home! o, you're
a great woman now! It's Mrs. Spoop-
endyke this, and Mrs. Spoopencyke
that, and Mrs. Spoopendyke around
the corner, and Mrs. SpoopenGyke
over the fence. Shakspeare's no
here! You are the leading literary
character of the day. Who gave him
the facts? Who purveyed theinforma-
ton? Who told him you were an idiot
that only needed wash bill and a
brother-in-low to be a Guiteau
trialI"
~ don't quite know what you
mean," faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke.
II know about the Guiteau trial and
l hope Mr.. Horter will win it But l
don't know anything about being
literary, and as for Shakespeare, /
he is almost as abstruse as the Board
of Education"
"What l want to know. is, who
gave him the facts!" roared Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Who gave this ten
cent author with five acre rcputa-
ton the facts! How'd he ever find
out that You didn't know any more
about keeping oank account!"
'I'm sure don't know, dear"
said Mrs. Spoopendykc soothiagly.
maybe he is only a newspaper man
who publishes facts first and then
trusts to luck 70 find them out after.
ward. What does he say about me!
"Say about you'll" squealed Mr..
Spoopendyke. "IIe don't saw
enough! He only leaves the i'm
preston that diamond drill, steam
engine, fair weather and low wages
might make an impression ON your
skull! DO You appreciate the enor-
nifty of the situation3 DO You reach
out and grasp, comprchensively, the
unelterablc fact that your market
value is twenty-five cents in paper
and 81 IN clothl Can you absorb the
idea that In illustrating you, red,
White ant. blue virtues he has dragged
me into MS ,oo,s, so as to give char
acter TO III"
docs he mention you, too!' ex-
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, with an
air of indignation.
MIR. Spoopendyke rose to his feet.
Slowly he Invested himself of his
al al Linz IL 4