The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-31
WIT AND aUMoR.

y
Drum music might be sold by the
pound.
A light smuggling Misunderstanding q
| lucifer. A stare-way-The theater cor
| ridor after matinee.
1t is probably of interest to know
| that blacksmiths are often weld-to-do
sort of fellows.
The latest mineral discovery in Cali
fornia is soap mine. Good stock to
water.
Spicer says the man for church sex
| ton is the man who has no music in his
sole.
A Turkey Gobler: Russia. Lying in
state: Diplomacy. A nabob, Shaking
ones head in the negative.
Carpenters who re-fashion old dry
| goods boxes should be called ''Circum-
Stances" because they alter cases.
When person writes poems to kill
time, he may be pretty sure that time
viii have revenge and kill the poem.
A miser is man who lives and dies
like beggar in order that he may never
be poor.
| There is no difference between well
limbed tramp and well trimmed lamp
when cyclone makes its appearance,
for they both light out.
1t is said that the sun will absorb the
earth in million years. That puts an
end to prize-fghting. 1t doesn't leave
time for the necessary negotiations.
No, my son, those young gentlemen
whom you see going out between acts
4 or WI cf VI Hr,r,yr
Washers. They are only sour-mashers.
1t is popularity believed that Caesar
burst his mighty heart, y but it is plain
to the careful observer that he died of
Brute force.
The editor of an Oregon paper calls
his rival ''wart." That is sort of
left-handed compliment. which means
that his contemporary is rising, and will
soon become prominent.
''Can you tell me-" asked Twistem,
''the difference between my cook, this
morning. and passenger on new
railroad? One was bakin' shad, and the
other was shaken bad"
"See here, sir" said the leader of the
minuet to the orchestra director, s'do you
think we are on the way to the funeral
of rich relative? Because if you do,
you are much mistaken. We are dane
ing the minuet. Play slower"
An East End gentleman takes no ip-
terest whatever in the prevailing Dog
Show. He says he has one of his own
at home. His wife has a temper, and
he and the children rarely pass day
without an exhibition of MAS 'tiffs. "
1t gives New York man an awful
start to suddenly observe a clipping
from Chinese newspaper which has
been left lying on his table by some mis-
chievous friend His first thought, of
course, Is that it is wash bill.
An exchange heads an article of
crime as follows: "a successful burglar
and his subsequent captured" We sup
pose that is the reason that there are so
many unsuccessful burglars in this
country when they are not captured.
A Williamsport man went to bed the
other night with eyesight as good as any
man. When he awoke he could not see
the least thing in the world. Come to
think of it, however, it would take
microscope to do that.
The attention of Henry Bergh is called
to the fact that an Ohio marshal has is
sued an order proclaiming that all ami
mails found running at large will be
| pounded" Now is the time to get up
| clubs.
A rural exchange says: "NoyesWhite
is the proud and happy owner of
| handsome, well-formed calf, weighing
ITO pounds Noyes will have to have
| his stockings made to order, or else send
for some of David Davis cast-offs.
A man in Baltimore, now seventy-five
years of age, has been married thirteen
times. He ought to marry the Penn
| sylvania widow who has laid away nine
husbands. 1t would be a sort of life
| saving institution.
B. lives in the country near Paris,
| winter and summer, but ALWAYS after
the LIST of May they meet him on the
| boulevard. He explains: 1.-The country
is too crowded. Everybody is there on
Sunday; SO l come to get the air of
| Paris"
An ingenious music compositor who
| had piece of his work knocked into pi,
squared it up. took off few impress
| sions, cut them into strips and collected
$17.42 from neighbors who accepted
| them as the regular weekly Chinese
| wash bill.
''Goin' fur?" the inquisitive traveller
asked the man on the wood-box. ''Well,
yes" he replied, II reckon it's fur
I'm going to Buffalo" And being thus
pelted with this answer, the inquisitive
man looked as though he wanted to hide
somewhere. But this is Turin to the
| subject.
Mrs. Carlyle's diary shows that when
the Princess OF Wales was engaged to the
future King of England she was poor
but graceful girl who always wore long
cloaks. Once when she visited Windsor
the Queen said: II think you always
wear jacket; how is thatp'' .'Oh,"
said little Alexandria, II wear it because
| it is so economical You can wear it
with any sort of gown, and you know 1
have always had to make my own
gowns. Ihave never had lady maid,
and my sister and make our own
| clothes; l even make my own bonnet"
The sheriff of Athens county. Ga, who
| was visiting recently in the country, got
| up during the night to shoot an owl that
annoyed him by its hcotins near his
| window. The dogs were not used to
such sights as the sheriff presented in
| his night clothes, and made raid on
| him and compelled him to climb t. tree.
Fearing to raise the house, least the wo-
men should come out to investigate the
trouble, he remained shivering in the
crotch of the tree until the man cot up
in the morning and fetched him his
| trousers.
Missionary work in West Virginia
els your husband at home?" no: he
| is coon hunting. He killed two whop-
ping big coons last Sunday" Does he
fear the Lord?'' Il guess he does,
cause ne always takes his gun with
him." Have you any Presbyterians
round hereP" Il dom know if he has
killed any or not. You can go behind
the house and look at the pile of hides
to see if you can find any of their SKINS
| ssT hot 1.x-in ;,,+ Al