Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-06-28
ADVERTISING FOR A BURGLAR.

north OF England gentleman who was
known as Sir William Marston. He was
one Of those men who are cool and cal
culating-a always looking before them.
He had made all his money at iron
working; but after getting his title be
thought fit to ''sell out and retire.
He accordingly chose a residence at
Durham, and resided there for three
years, when he determined to build
large mansion for himself, and he ac-
cOrdingly consulted with an architect,
and the drawings and specifications
were made out, tenders received, and
the work proceeded with.
Now, when the mansion was built,
Sir William found every one was admir-
ing it, and artists came and sketched it
before the glass was in the windows.
Every one declared it perfection-all but
Sir William himself.
A very unpleasant idea had come into
Sir Williams head. He intended to
keep good many valuables as well az
money on the premises. Thus the ques-
ton arose, ''Was it burglar proof?"
The architect assured him it was, the
inspector Of police said so too; he
thought so himself, but he would like to
be sure. The following advertisement
accordingly appeared in some of the
local papers few days after the house
was finished:
NOTICE TO BURGLARS AND OTHERS
Whereas Sir William DIarstOn having gone to
great expense in the building Of his new man
sion, "FalOW HILL is DESTROYS Of ascertaining
whether it be burglar proof or not, and with
that object has placed in his writing table
drawer the sum of $500. And whOsOever shall,
trive to abstract the said $780, without being
caught in the act, shall be admitted to enjoy
the same, on condition that he write to the said
Sir William Marston and fully inform him how
he did succeed in abStracting the same. And
he it known, no steps shall be taken to recover
the money or bring the offender to justice
But if the said burglar be caught he shall be
bound to state how he entered the premises
and how he proposed abstracting the money
and then shall be permitted to depart
A week passed, and Sir William was
getting in servants for his establishment,
buying furniture, horses and carriages,
and all the other para ,hernalia neces-
sary for the comfort of a mansion. Still
there came no answer to his extraOrdi-
nary advertisement. At last thought
struck him. He put the advertisement in
again, adding that mo extraordinary
precautions would be taken to preserve
the house from being broken into
The next day, Sir William was sitting
in the small room adjoining his office,
quietly reading book when the foot
man entered and stood waiting till his
master should speak.
.'Well?' at last he said, looking up.
"A man wants to speak to you, sir.
Says he believes YOU want Il groom.
He can groom, sir, harness 4 horse,
clean q carriage, first rate at gardening,
rubbing up knives and forks, cleaning
WindOWS-in fact. sir, can assure YOU,
by his own account he is 4 very handy
man.
What sort of 4 man is hep
Decent enough, sir; tall, determined
looking; kind of man as would knock
dander out of you, sir, or could"
THAT will do. Show him in. -
He has portmanteau, sir; shall ]
take care of it? It might"
LESS of your lip" Sir William was
becoming the iron-founder again. ''Show
him in.
He was shown in, and began to run
up his accomplishments, which to Si1
William seemed very suitable He was
the sort of man he wanted, and Sin
William began to think about clinching
the bargain
While they were quibbling about
terms, they were assaulted by strong
smell of burning, and n scream sudden
ly startled them. Upon hearing loud
shouts of Fire Sir William and the
man Instantly rushed to the door; but
the man suddenly fell headlong on the
floor, Sir William darling off to the
scene of the contagration
Upon arriving III the hall he found
volumes Of smoke coming from a cup
board under the stairs, and Immediately
ordered in the little hand tire-engine
kept in the kitchen ca thing no mansion
should be without). He ran no to the
cupboard door, and Selling the hose in
his left hand, he commenced to pump
fUriOusly with the right, and the little
lever handle was almost invisible. with
such speed did it go up and down. The
foOtman kicked away the pOrtmanteau
that had been left in the hall, and burst
the cupboard door open, and then pro-
ceeded to drag to light vast assOrt-
ment of rags and brown paper and
damp straw, all of which made a terri
bse smoke, although no flames were Wis
ible. 1t was soon put out, and Sir
William returned to his room.
The room was empty.
He looked everywhere and found two
things, viz: that the window was wide
open, and that his $500 were gone.
He was mortified in the extreme.
Had this man who wanted a situation
taken his money? If so, was it a plot
to do SO, or merely that he had availed
himself Of the opportunity and taken it?
He thought the latter
The man that was at the porter s
lodge said that he saw a man come in
the morning of the fire with a portman-
teau, and that soon after he saw him
running towards the gate, saying he was
going for the tire-engiEe; so he let him
pass.
The next morning Sir William re-
ceiYed . letter by the post, which puz-
lied him not a little; it ran as follows:
Sir.-Having seen your advertisement in the
- inviting burglars to break in and steal