Daily Republican., 1883-11-02
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

In the elegant drawing room OF
Cincinnati pork merchants mansion
large company was assem- bled. All tho
luxury that wealth could command
contributed TO tho qualification OF the
guests. Upon blue satin divsn tho
pork merchants daughter, gorgeous in
silks and pearls and diamonds, was con
versing with friend. Presently her
father approac ched and said: Pauline,
l want To say a word to you" The girl
arose, accompanied her parent to the 80.
clusion of II bay window " Pauline, "
began the old man l" there's couple Of
Cleveland dulles in the dining.room
having hot talk about Copernicus. |
was afraid they were going to ask me
to decide the dispute, 10 made some
excuse to get out and come to you. Now
tell me, who was Copernicus, any how?'
"Oh. father. exclaimed Pauline" how
could you IN, 30 ignorant? Why, any
school. boy knows who Copernicus was.
He sailed from Palos, Spain. on the 3rd
of August, 1892 and discovered America
the following October. The venerable
purveyor Of swine gazed exultingly at
his daughter moment and then said
with . suggestion of sadness in his
tones: Pauline, my child, II l had
your brains, | might have been a
United States Senator IRON Ohio.
There was a poor recruit, very small
man, who had received very large
pair Of shoes and had not yet been able
TO effect an exchange. One day the
sergeant was drilling the company OH
the facings, right face, left fac ?, right
about face, and, Of course, watched his
mems feet very closely to see that they
went through tho movements properly
Noticing one pair of feet down the line
that never budged at the command, the
sergeant rushed up to the possessor OF
them, with drawn sword, and in me
nacing tones demanded :" What do y0rl
mean by not facing about when l tsl ]
you? I'll have you put In the guard.
house" "Why, I did, sergeant, " said
the trembling recruit. "You did not,
sir p! Didn'tI watch your feet? They
never moved an inch" "Why, you
see, )" said the poor fellow, "my shoes
are 10 big that they. don't turn when ]
do. 90 through the notions on the
inside Of them. '..' .'.'
Some fifty years ago, when . certain
western State was but sparsely settled.
| II was Q work OF no small difficulty II
get jury together, especially ~ the
inhabitants were notoriously disinclin
ed to the pleasures Of litigation. The
court had been forced to adjourn many
times from day to day, because the
sheriff ~ often came in and reported oil
incomplete panel. Finally things came
to a crisis. The judge fixed q day be
yond which no further forbearanct
could be exercised. When that day
arrived, the enthusiastic Sheriff rushed
into the court room, and exclaimed
It's all right, your hoAor we'll have
the jury by twelve o'clock. I've gol
eleven OF 'em locked up in a barn, and
we are running the twelfth with dogs!
We met Dutch citizen coming W
from the depot the other day. He seem
I'd greatly excited, and We asked him
what was the trouble. g Dare var
droubles enough" he replied. " vas
gittin' my poots blacked in dot depot
ven policeman gone along, and ht
told me to git my feet out of der way nc
dot der drain of cars could git inside del
depot. Dis vas der firsed dime my feel
vas efer insulted. Ivill report him al
headquarters, baed you. ! don't care
shuck for his brass coat and plue but
tons He will find out dot | vas not
born q pig fool for holdings
A German has invented a safe that
on its lock being tanper d with
throws open i,s doors, seizes and drags
and locks in the burglar, and hand
cuffs and holds him in readiness to bt
conducted TO the police court in thu
morning. The Yankee is experiment
ing with q set of books for the use o.
county officers, which, al soon az 4
fraudulent entry is made in them, will
by means of clever electrical con
trivance, sound an alarm on the Court
house bell.
Mr.. Ringle met the son of an old &C.
uuaintance he had not seen for some
years, and, OF course, asked many ques
tions about the folks. "How's you
father ?" "Hes we'll, thank you.
"And your mother ?" "Quite vel
too" "And your aunt Mary Q
AUNT Mary's dead" "You don't IA.
SOP" "When did she die? ?" "Oh
she's been dead long time"-then h
scratched his head minute in deeI
Thought" we'll, lem me see, she's bee1
dead longer than that"
"You look cheerful, Mr.. Spiser,
said friend who met the old gentle
man, ambling down the avenue. eyes
said the interrogated, ~ have jus
had troublesome grinder pulled,
and when the sympathizing gentle
cheerfully responded "Not a bit
was an organ grinder, and police
man pulled him. No cranks but my
self about my premises.
Miss Gushington Ito young widoN
whose husband has LETT a large fol
Itune) :"That Is the fourteenth mourn
ing costume have seen you wear i
three days, and each lovelier and NOR
Incoming than the other" IOun
! Widow "Oh, my dear, have forty
but auch tother as they were to hav
made At one time almost wishe
that poor, dear George hadn't died !!
They are now telling story about
Chicago girl who insisted upon throw
ing her shoe after a newly-marrie
couple. "rhe carriage Is a total wreck
doctor has the bride aud the hors
under treatment and large numbe
of men are searching the ruins for tn
coachman.
A military man Laughed at timi
little woman because she was alarme
at the noise of a cannon when a salul
was fred. He subsequently marie
that timid woman, and six months al
forwards he took off his boots in til
hall when he came In late at night.
When q young man tries for thrt
minutes, in church, to brush sunbeal
off his coat, under the impression thi
1t IL a streak Of dust, and then looks II
and secs pretty girl laughing at hin
he kind of loses the thread of the Sc
mon, temporarily, as 1t were.
In one chapter. Boy nelon-shad
8 spot-secluded nook-yum yum a
! l t,t,o In hC