The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1883-04-11
CHS.
Wi, can hold an opinion more firmly
W 1,o,, can clutch a hornet.

n CHI hohV $50
Won can clutch a hornet.
,ob mamma?p exclaimed a bright
,..t'o how Yesterday, there goes an edi-
ll."vS s;'Hush, my chick" said the kind
1o n, lady, "hush, the poor unfortu-
.ete man may hear YOU"
peauties of the UNITED States lam
,,,are: A gentleman was growing
suuoo19t having to pay a bill twice. why
GG YOU pay ito" asked his companion.
pa it? | didn't. 1T was jayhub-
bled out of me-
4 ~lunatic in charge OF his keeper,
while stepping aboard a train the other
'rydar the car. ''Ah.n exclaimed the
Epener, II am like disabled locomotive
for i've slipped my eccentric"
"a Won were a slave before the war??n
No said to the old darkey. Eyes, NASAL"
mad a hard time in life, eh?" "Specs
ha.. Nasal" Ever sold?" "Golly,
,es, massa. Some feller put a half dol
lar on de sidewalk, only dis mawning',
sah: | was sold by dat"
Two servants Of a coquette are discuss
mo the visitors OF the house. at seems
10 me- said the first, that nowadays
we never see Observation-Disclosures
hat is his name? The s~traw-colored
bpard!'' "Ah, yes. The Deluge!n'
"Wby do YOU call HIM the Deluge?n
Because he reigned forty days"
4 new pension law is needed. Under
fine present law the grandson Of q man
who intended to enlist but eve got
around to it, owing to the pressure OF
pyiyate business, cannot make the pen
lion bureau ciothe and feed him, and a
congressional act is needed to remedy
this oversight.
4 young man called on a sarcastic girl
q lew evenings since, his legs done up
in the tightest Of pants legs, and she
looked very SAD, aud her eyes had a far
away look. He asked her what it was
that caused her to be troubled. She
looked at his large, generous, tiddle-box
feet. and said she had been wondering
how he got his feet through the legs,
whether ne unscrewed them and took
them oil, or whether there was o hinge
in the ankle so he could straighten them
out.
A hungry little girl was begging in
De4 Moines. 4 man dropped a five cent
piece into her hand. A tramp came
along, told the child that he had eater
nothing in q week, and SO impressed hel
with his greater distress that she forge
her own, and gave him the coin. Their
he went to the nearest gToggery an(
bought a glass Of whiskey. The slima1
of the story is a tremendous whipping
given to the trampby the original done.
of the nickel.
J.L4To lno-,,, ,.vr} II ", -y-n r-nI1 h0f
heard his mother tell how she put dow
eggs so they woule keep, by settln'
them OF their little ends in salt. Ih
next day he had some company, a lot o
little GIRLS, to play with him during tn
afternoon, and he wanted them to sta.
to tea, and asked his mother to max
them stay, but she said she didn't be
lieve she could make them. He wen
down into the kitchen and brought up
box Of salt and said: Mamma, | know
how you can keep them. Keep then
the way YOU keep eggs That settle
it.
A Chi :ago father according to tn
Herald OF that city, laid his hand patel
paIIy on his daughters shoulder. TIL
section Of satin dividing the arm iron
tie neck was narrow, and it was raise
high in a puffy mass, when lookeu so
enough, and did indeed sink yieldingl
under the touch until the level Of tn
actual girl was struck; but Instant
there was a stiff, snappish rebound,
though a steel trap had been sprung
and the fathers hand was thrown u
into the air. "Geodness!n he calculate
has your shoulder exploded?' M
papa she whispered; "but shall If yo
don't get back your poise right away
There's a spring in that puff, to mai
it stand up. It's nothing unusual in tn
present fashion of high shoulders, bt
there's no use in exposing all OF one
clockwork in public. So hush"