The Russellville Democrat. [volume] (Russellville, Ark.) 1875-1898, 1883-05-24


The medicine composing Cartcr's
Liver Bitters are all American, fresb
home grown, active and valuable.
They form bitters which cannot be
used without benefit. See adver-
tisement. Sold by Harkey,
"Hey. Johnnie I want to so fish
ing tomorrow. DO you think you
can get me some wormsY Can't
'slnornln---too busy; but mebbe you
can get 'em off my little brother Bill
he's got 'em." How do You
know" "Oh, | heard the doctor
tell nanny so tbs mornln'."
My friend, look here! you know
how weak and nervous your wife is,
and you know that Carte's Iron Pills
will relieve her, now why not be fair
about it and buy her a box? Sold
by Farkey.
A western colporteur was once con-
vorsing with an Illinois man on his
religious duties. Said he. "Do yoa
attend church regularity "Oh, no,
tend funerals. They be jest
as solemn, and thar hisn't no kerlec-
tions."
Mrs. Charles Smith, Of Jimes, o.,
writes: / have used every remedy
could hear Of for the past fifteen
Years, but Cartars Little Liver Pills
did ME more good than al the rest.
Sold by Harkey.
A lecturer, discoursing on the sub
ject of HEALTH" inquired: "What
use can a man make Of his time
while waiting for doctor?' Before
he could begin his answer to his own
inquiry, some one III the audience
cried out. "He can make his will"
Every woman who suffers from
sick headache, and who dislikes to
take bitter doses, should try Carriers
Little Liver Pills. They are the
easiest OF all medicines to take. A
positive cure for the above distress
ing complaint; give prompt relief in
dyspepsia and Indigestion; prevent
aad cure constipation and piles. AS
easy to take as sugar Only one
plll dose. 40 in 6 vial. Price 20
cents. IL you try them you will nos
be without them. Sold by Harkey.
Most people have the same three
reasons for not attending church
that an Englishman had FOR not at.
tending . thcater First" he said,
l hate the trouble of going there,
second, hate the trouble of staying
there; and third, hate the trouble
of coming home again"
A Troy man had his ear ripped
off by buzz saw. An excited
young doctor who had been starving
for seven months for his first case,
stuck it oa backwards, sewed it fast
and it grew. And now that man
looks like crack trotter waiting to
get the word, and he can hear half
afound the square IN both directions.
A woman entered q saloon in Jer-
sey City, kicked over table, smash
ed dozen glasses, shook her inst
under the barkeeper's nose and call
ed hiln liend, and lead her hus-
band out by the ear The barkeep-
er from over the Rhine closed one
eye Significantly, and remarked TO q
terrified custom, "by chinks, may be
she vas mad about something's
ehW
Little Freddie, who was writing a
composition about hens, said he
knew ''where hens came from but
didn't know where they get eggs.
People say that hens lay eggs, but
know better. Ny father keeps lots
OF hens, and if we want any eggs he
always seAds me to tue store after
them.
A Texan OF remarkable proper
tions called at the White House one
day last week. The president, who
is fully tall man, looked like Tom
Thumb beside him. He inquired
with some amusement his visitors
height and was told that he was oyer
seven feet and weighed about 800
pounds and Sas but twenty years
old. He has three brothers, none OF
whom are below seven feet.