davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
HUMOROUS.

In Burdette phraseology: "What
has WENT with all the cooking clubs?
-"Why are you so Distant" said a
window. - Chicago Herald.
If brevity is the soul of wit, there
is good deal of fun in a dudes coat
tail.-CdrI Pretzers Weekly
1t has been suggested that fitting
epitah for Captain Webb would be: HE
was not favorite in the pools. ''-Ner-
chant TrdUeller.
-''What are you writing such big
hand for, Pat?'' "Why, you see my
grandmother dafe. and I'm writing q
lond letther to her. "-DetrOI Post.
Miss Kate Field believes in hot
water as cure for dyspepsia. Well,
yes. You let man get into hot
water and he'll forget all about dys-
pepsia. Boston Post.
What is that's it a circus aero
bat? Oh, no, my son, that is 4 man
who is kicking himself What makes
the man kick himself? He has been to
masquerade party and tiirted with
his wife all the evening" Toronto
Grip.
An attorney, about to furnish a bill
of costs, was requested by his client, a
baker, ito make it as light as possible"
''Ahr replied the attorney, chats
what you may say to your foreman, but
it's not the way make my bread. y
N. Y. Graphic.
Come here, Matilda, and keep
these ounces from burning while | 90
and make up the beds" said an indul-
gent mother who had been stirring the
boiling fruit for some minutes while
her daughter stood idly considering the
lily and the sunflower in the front yard
mo, mother, l shan't STIR" replied the
languid maiden, who had recently been
reading over some secondhand pUns in
an ancient almanac. States
man.
The Professor, from his official
chair-"We who ourselves dedicate to a
noble career find necessary % the COM
plete fulfillment of our mission a large
development of the body as well as a
powerful unfolding of the intellect. Our
duties are laborous and painful. We
must accustOm ourselves to perform
them without helps eXtraneOus or arti-
fetal. The good engineer, like the
skillful mariner, must be able to shave
himself in the dark without a looking
glass" A pupil-''But. if in the dark,
how might a looking-glass aid him?"
The Professor Silence the mouth, sir.
You come here to learn. City of Wer-
leo Monitor.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
The Weight Of Great Men.

A curious letter is just brought tc
light by the Bangor (Me.) Wing ana
Courier, in which is recorded the
who were together a. West Point hun
dred years ago. The letter was written
by Joseph May to General David Cobb,
of Revolutionary fame, and is as fol.
lows:
BOSTON, August IL, 1920.
Hon. David Cobb, GouldSbOrOugh:
My Dear General: Your letter of 18th
March, written when confined to your house
by indispOsitiOn, made me, for moment fee
unhappy-twaS painful-but have too much
respect for you to indulge weak tears, when
see you passing the allotted limit of human
life; and tho you find some labor and Sor-
row and tho the t1OckS and the herds afford
less pleasure than formery"-yet you rejoice
ut the vernal sun-you are cheered by the
voice of friendship and when not exercised
by actual pain, your book affords high en-
ployment and enjoyment, which the stranger
Intermediates not with. We are marching to
a better country, my dear General, where,
after well-spent Life. we may hope again to
associate with the wise and good whom we
have known here-where and b wv 1t is to be
l am not anxious TO know; certain of this. il
will be the fittest and best that infinite wis
dom and infinite goodness can provide.
Our friend Hayes has late y visited US. He
spoke of you repeatedly as of a man whom he
loved and respected. Looking together over
some papers in General Jacksons pocket
book we found a curious paper, of which
give you >. copy;
Weighed at the scales at Westpoint, 10 Au.
gust 1873:
General Washington-209 pounds.
General Lincoln-22i pounds.
General Knox-2S0 pounds.
General HuntingtOn-1S2 pounds.
General Greaton-166 pounds.
Colonel Swift--2I9 pounds.
Colonel NJ. JacksOn-252 pounds.
Colonel II. Jackson-230 pounds.
Iieutenant-Colonel Huntington-232 pounds.
AFOREMENTIONED Cobb-1S6 pounds.
Lieutenant-ColonelH umphries-221 pounds.
1 send you a couple of pamphlets which may
aIuuSe you.
Yours. aGectionately, dear General,
J. MAY,
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
The Baseball Umpire.

"Who is that man with the baggy
trousers standing behind the catcher:e''
THAT the umpire, dear"
'Does he enjoy life?'
"Oh, YES, occasionally"
"When?'
"When he is not umpiring ball
game
''What are his qualifications"
"They are supposed to be honesty and
ability"
do they send out detectives to find
such men. or do they select them from
Government Otf:ceS?'
Neither; umpires obtain their posi-
tionS through influence
What is influence
Influence is the wife of power"
1T is good to have honesty and abil-
ity, isn't it?''
Eyes, in the case of clergyman or
bank cashier; hut an umpire is too
honest to want both, and is content
with either one or the other"
"What quality predominates?"
''The other one"
'Why are the spectators Kissing the
umpire?'
Because he is trying to be impair
tial"
If he were not?'
He would be abused by both play
ers and spectators
HAS he no redress?'
Eyes; when player insults him and
calls him a liar and a horse-thief he
sometimes fines the player as much as
five dollars
"Why not fifty dollars, or even
more?'
Because he knows when the season
closes the player will find him alone
some dark night, and punch his
head. =
Are the spectators ever impartial
critics."
Individually, seldom; collectively,
never"
Where do they get their knowledge
of baSe-ball?'
MOSTLY from the morning papers. 5"
"What is an error column
1.-The column in a newspaper devoted
to baseball reports
rs the umpire married man?'
CASUALTY"
"In which city does his wife re-
side?"
MY child, let us 90 and cut a water
melon. '-A'nerlcan Sports.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

George Alfred Townsend has writ
Ten novel, 1.-The Entailed Hat"
which the Harpers have accepted.
-Spurgeon, the famous London min
ister, has but two children-twin sons
and they are both Baptist clergymen.
Bartholomew Tarney, of Bath,
Steuben County, New York, signalized
his one hundredth birthday the other
day by walking three miles.
Miss Maud Banks, daughter OF
General n. P. Banks, goes on the plat
form this season as an elocutionist. She
has been studying in Europe.
MIR. w. d. Howells, the novelist, i.
forty-six years old. He loves quiet and
home and shuns society and field sports.
His revised and interlined proofs are q
terror to the printers.-N Y NetCS.
MIR. Walker, the colored lawyer
appointed by Governor Butler to the
bench of the CharlestOwn City Court, is
a Roman Catholic, belongs to the choir
of St. Vincent Church, and has white
wife.-BOStOn Post.
DIR. Mary Walker must find some
compensation for the sings and arrows
of outrageous fortune in the 81, 900 left
her by the will of an eccentric Massa.
chusettS man who died the other day
Indianapolis Journal.
1t is reported that throughout one
of his books John Morley insisted upon
printing the name of the Deity without
a capital, whereupon one of his review
ers published his critique with frequent
mention of the author as ''mr john
morley"
Justice Gray, of the United States
Supreme Court, has ridden over three
hundred miles on horseback on cOnsec-
utive days this summer without IA
tigue. As the Judge weighs three hum
dred pounds, his horse has not come
out so WE'LL Chicago Journal.
Julius Nathan, member of the
New York Stock Exchange. has had his
name changed to Julius Newton. He
has done this because, as stated, many
people abroad wanted to know if he was
in any way related to the Nathan fam
lily, that was made unfortunately con-
spicuous by the death of the late Benja-
min Nathan.-N T. Times.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
A st. Louis MelOdrama.

A story comes from St. Louis having
all the elements of thrilling melO-
drama. A young boarding-school miss
wanting her watch repaired went to a
small establishment near by. There
were two men present, one of whom,
apparently the worse for liquor, was
resting his head upon the showcase.
She handed her watch to the other man
standing by, giving directions as to
what should be done with it. He, ap-
parently on purpose, let it fall, break
inc the crystal; but on his promising to
make it good she left it with him and
departed.
Subsequently she returned and asked
for her watch. The proprietor, who
proved to be the man whose head was
resting on the showcase, denied hav-
ing it. The man to whom she handed
it had disappeared. and had not re-
turned. The proprietor gave her an
other watch, which she was to keep I'M
til she recovered her own. Dissatisfied
with the arrangement, the police were
called in. The proprietor of the store
insisted that the watch was not in his
possession, but had been taken away
by the man to whom the young
lady handed it. Pressed to ex-
plain, he admitted that the missing man
was friend of his, but that he had
proved false and treacherous. When
the young woman came to his store
and found him leaning on the show
case he was nearly insensible. In COM
pany with his friend he had been drink
ing a good deal and subsequently he
smoked 4 cigar with him. The cigar
was drugged. He became stupefied,
and while in this state his friend had
not only taken the young lady's watch,
but had robbed the mOney-drawer of its
change, the safe of two hundred dol
lars, and his pockets of their contents.
The proprietor awoke next morning
from his bed in a room adjoining his
shop, and found himself stripped of
much of his property, with his friend
missing. He has not seen him since.
He made, he said, the best PREPARATION in
his power by giving the young lady
a watch as valuable intrinsically as
hers. although as it was a memento of
her dead mother, it possessed a value
which nothing could replace.
If his explanation Is true it is as To-
mantle as a play or a story; if untrue,
it does equal justice to an Imagination
which could invent it so readily.-De-
tOH Free Press.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
A Nautical Curiosity.

John CrankShaw, Jr., an ingenious
young man of Frankford, has construct
ed curious little canoe with heavy
muslin and barrel hoops. The craft is
fourteen feet long and twenty inches
wide in the center. The stem and stern
posts are sawed out of pine knee knots,
and the lateral slips over which the
ribs are fastened are also of pine. The
rest of the little boat is constructed en-
EIrely of muslin and ordinary flour bar
rel hoops, the latter being One-quarter
Of an inch apart and fastened to the
lateral slips, which extend from stem
to stern. Over this skeleton the mus
lin, having been thoroughly soaked in
oil, is stretched. Two water tight COM
partments are made fore and aft, by
stretching the oil soaked muslin entire
ly over the canoe, thus making deck
which can not be penetrated by the wa
,er. The paddler's place contains a
small seat, and space enough to clear
The occupants legs and feet. A light
board floor keeps the latter from knock
ing holes in the crafts muslin bottom.
When the canoe had been completed.
but not painted, it weighed only six
teen pounds, but has since been given
several heavy coats of white lead. and
now weighs thirty-eight pounds. 1t has
been successfully put to test, and its
owner, with his double-bladed paddle,
uses it almost every day on the river
Philadelphia Record.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
1.-THE DANISH BOYS WHISTLE"
'FOh. whistle an IN come to You"

'Oh, whistle an I'll come to you."
Nearly every engineer on the New York
and New England Railroad has sweetheart
or wife in New Britain Conn. Every traiL
would whistle salute to some fair dame, anC
the din grew so fearfuly ear-splitting thai
the authorities have had it stOpped.-DGill
Pdper.]
It's noon when 'Thirty-five" is due,
An she comes on time, like a fiash-of light,
An you hear her whistle, "TOe-tee-tOo.'
Long fore the pilot swings in sight
Bill Maddon's drivin' her in to-day
An he's calm his Sweetheal t far away
Gertrude Hurd-lives down by the mill
You might see her blushin'; she knows it, Bill
Tu-die! rCot-ee! Tu-die! Tu!'
:Six-ive 8. m. there's local comes
Makes up ar Bristol, runnin' east;
An the way her whistle sings an huns
Is Twin caution to man an beast.
Every one knows who Jack White calls
Little Lou Woodbury., down by the Falls;
summer or winter, always the same,
She ht ars her lover calm her name
Louie. Louie! LOu-iee"'
AT stX-fifty eight you can hear '"Twenty-one''
Go thunderin' west and of al the screams
That ever startled the rising sun,
Jehu Davis sends into your dreams;
But don't mind it; it makes me grim
For just down here where the creek lets in,
His wife, .'eruSha, can hear him call,
Loud as threat Of br lSs can baw!-
''JCee-rOOO sheet Je-hOoi"
But ct on fifty one. old ''Sixty-four''-
Boston Express runs east clear through
DrOwnS her rattle and rumble and roar
With the JfteSt whistle that ever blew;
An away On the furtherest edge OF the town,
sweet Su" WinthrOps eyes of brown
Shine Ike the starlight, bright an clear,
When she hears the whistle of Abel Gear,
"1Ou-Ou-Ou, Su-u-u-u-e.'
An long at midn ght freight comes in,
Leaves Berlin sOmetime-I don't know
when
But it rumbl"s along with a fearful din,
Till it Reaches the Y-Sw.tch there, and then
The clearest nDt"s of the softeSt bell
hat out of a braZen goblet II.
Wake Nellie MintOn out of her cams
To her Xix" Il wedd .ng bell il seems
Nell, Nell, Nell! Nell, Nell, Nell.'
an somewhere late in the afternoon,
You II see Thirty seven" go streakin' west :;
Its local, from Hartford; Sa: IL old tune
Neg t for the girl that loves him best.
Tom Wilson rides on the right hand side,
Givin nef 1t am at every stride;
An he touches the whistle, low an clear,
For Lulu Gray, on the hill, to hear
Lulu. LOO-loO."
Soft goes On all day an all night
Till the old folk have voted the thing II bore;
Old maids and bachelors say it ain right
For folks to do cOurtin' with such roar
But the engineers their kisses will blow
From wh!Stle-valve to the girls they know,
An the stokers the name OF their sweetheartS
With the Belle! NELL Den! of the swaying
Il. J. B,rdette, in Life.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18

The number of country girls anx-
ious to learn dress-making frem a
sharper, who gathers in sixteen dollars
a head and then decamps, is almost
equal to the number of girls who light
fires With kerosene.-IndianapoIis Jour
nal.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18

the hall, and to Judge from the sounds
of screaming and scuff]ing which gen.
orally followed, paid his postage under
considerable difficulty.
watched the game in a state of be
wildered alarm. What if girl should
call on me! But no one did. and L was
half disappointed, half relieved, that i
was exempt, when at last it was Mabel
Byrne's turn to 60 out.
She left the room with lovely blush
on her beautiful face. The door was
solemnly closed upon her, and then
after a brief pause there was a faint
knock. The Postmaster opened the
door few inches.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"There is letter here" she replied.
"For whOm?"
"For Mr.. James Hill"
Chow much TO pay?"
Postage not stated" was the faint
reply.
They all laughed loudly and looked
at me, for that was my name. The
blood rushed in crimson floods to my
face. | got on to my feet somehow,
and with my heart torn between wild
desire to 90 into that hall and wish to
sink utterly away from human kind, l
stumbled ont of the room.
The door was closed behind me and
I found myself almost in darkness, as
the hall was but dimly lighted. |
paused moment and then l heard the
Saint sound of quick breathing; another
heart was beating as violently as my
own. For once in my life | knew what
to do with my arms. l caught hold of
her. scarcely know how. The dark
ness gave me courage and | held her in
a close clasp. and pressed my lips to
her cheek in three or four rapid, half
frightened kisses. before she could free
herself from my embrace.
There, there! Mr.. HILL" she said,
with faint, merry laugh, L" don be so
bashful again. I'm sure YOU are bold
enough nowr'
Have l paid my POSTAGE" stam-
mered.
Indeed, yes; enough and to spare
Come, let us 90 back to the parlor."
She led me in, a willing prisoner, and
the rest of the evening l was her bond
slave; her partner in all games, her
companion in the dance (wherein ex-
celled the country boys, and gloried in
my accomplishment, and, at last,
crowning delight of the evening, her es-
cOrt home.
This was all. The next day 1 returned
to my home in the city, and Mabel
Byrne became only a memory; strong
at first, fainter as time went on, but
sweet always. When l saw other girls
[ compared them mentally with the
picture my imagination painted of
Mabel, and they never seemed half SO
fair and sweet as she.
But then [ did not see many other
girls. My bashfulnesS, instead of
diminishing, seemed rather to increase
upon me as the years went by. l
avoided society, and was so much of a
recluse from ladies that my mother was
quite worried lest L should become
confirmed old bachelor. Perhaps one
reason why [ retained my diffidence
was that my pursuits were among books,
and not among people. had made
the science of geology my study, and at
twenty-seven found myself in com
Portable position as assistant professor
in one of our bet colleges, the salary of
which. with my own income added,
making me so far at ease that | resolved
to devote my summer vacation to a tour
in Europe.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18

The first newsboy who ever sold a
copy of the New York Sun in the
streets of New York became famous
and rich. He was ten years old, and
from Cork. His name was Bernard
Flaherty, but he was afterward known
as Barney Williams, the comedian.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18

Will Carleton has written a poem
on mortgage. 1t is easier to poem a
mortage than to mortgage poem
Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18

"A telegraph operator need not be
college graduate, but must have a
sound educa.ion.-Norristo1C7s Her.
Hd.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
ABILENE REFLECTOR

PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY BY
STROTH E r BROS.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18

Forty degrees is the best tempera-
ture for the potato cellar.-C Chicago
Journal,
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1883-10-18
II.

LquppCu WIFI pdS anu ndnHeT,
August found me making pedestrian
tour of Switzerland, with a special view
to the study of its glacial system and
IithOlOgy. [ avoided the well-traveled
ways, thus escaping the society of all
other tourists, and L was therefore ut
terly amazed when one evening, rs
drew near the little house which was
my temporary abiding place, tall
form strOde toward me out of the dark
ness and a hearty voice cried out.
Jim! Jim Hill!'
"What is it?' 1 replied, with a half
nervous start.
''Ah. thought it was my old friend.
Have you forgotten Tom Byrne?'
OF course not, for | had met him oc-
casionally since we were boys, and
was heartily glad to see my former
comrade, always one of the best of COM
panionS.
Il saw your name on the book at the
inn," he exclaimed; '.was sure IL must
be you. At any rate | thought would
start out to meet YOU"
"But how came you here?" [ in
quired, lin this out of the way corner
of the world?'
Because it is out of the way. Mabel
and are making TRIP in search of the
p cturesque. You know she is quite an
art;str'
So Mabel was with him. Ny heart
gave a curious thump, and for a mo-
ment l could hardly make a sensible
reply.
Eyes he went on; ''she is so devoted
to her art that it seems to quite absorb
her life. She has not thought of mar
rlage, and does not care in the least for
the ordinary run of society. She will
be glad to see you, though" he added.
cOnSolingly, ''as you are a man of
science"
We walked back together to the little
inn, and presently l was shaking hands
with beautiful and stately woman,
whose bright, dark eyes flashed with the
strange intensity and fire that | had
never seen in any other eyes but those
of Mabel Byrne.
She greeted me very cordially, and
after we three had taken an evening
meal together there followed delight
full evening IN the little parlor that Tom
and his sister had secured.
For once in my life L felt myself quite
at ease in a lady's society. In the first
place there was Tom to keep me in
countenance by a predominance of my
own sex in the company, then Mabel
did not expect me to talk of airy moth
ings, that light foam of the social whirl-
pool which L never yet had been able
to skim. She spoke first of nv scientific
pursuits; she showed so much knowl-
edge of the subject that 1 really found
myself talking with earnestness and
enthusiasm of the formation of the
country, and especially of the glacial
system and the curious marks of its ac-
ton borne by the specimens l had col
lected.
She, in her turn, contributed to the
evenings interest by telling me of her
work, and showing me her sketches,
which were really of a very high order
of artistic merit. There was no school
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1883-06-08
Constable's Sale.

By virtue of an execution issued ont of the Pro-
bate Court of AturGs county. Idaho Territory, da-
ted the list day Of May, 1888, in certi in action
wherein the Hunzmeyer Tobacco Company, M
plaintiff. recovered Judgment sgainst Daniel Glass
and L. Hopkins las firm of Glass Hopkins) and
against Daniel Glass individually, for the sum of
Two Hundred and Seventy Dollars. and interest
thereon at the rate Of 10 per cent. per from
the LIST day of May, 1888. together with costs of
suit taxed ut three DolaTs and Ninet. Cents
on the LIST day of May, 1883, have LEVIED on the
following described property, to-wt The northcrly
half OF lots nineteen tl9 and twenty (2O) in block
four a.. town of Shoshcne, Alturss comfy Idaho
Territory. ss shown on the official plat Of said town
of Shoshone.
Notice is hereby giver, that on the nth day Of
June, 1888. at o'clock, r. NJ of that day in front
Of the Courthouse of the County of Aitnras ut
HALEY, Idaho will sell all the right title aud
interest OF the said firm of Glass n Hopkins de.
fendants aud all the individual right. title and ill.,
terest Of defendant Daniel Glass which they had
or which defendant Glass had the 18th day nf
April. lsS3, when attachment was made on said
property IN this cause in and to the above de-
scribsd property, at public auction. for cash. to
the highest b oder, u satisfy said execution and
II cnats. e. CUNNINGHAM
myl3 Constable junction, o. :. IL r.cinct