Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1883-09-12
A Lot Of Smiles.
Things for You to Laugh AT.
ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE HISTORY OF
THE BAD BOY-HIS EXPERT
MENTS WITH DYNAMITE.

L
they?" said the grocery man to the |
bad boy, as he came in the store with !
his eye-winkers singed off and powder
marks on his face, and began to play
on the harmonica, as he sat down on
the end of a stick of stove wood and |
balanced himself
80, | guess not. He has hedged. |
He got in with a deacon of another
church and sold some of his stock to
him and pa says if will keep my con-
demned mouth shut he will unload the
whole of it, if the churches hold out.
lie goes to new church every night
there IS prayer meeting or anything,
and makes ma go with him to give him
tone, and after meeting she talks with
the sisters about how to piece a silk
bed quilt, while pa gets in his work
selling silver stock. | don't know but
he will order some more stock from the
factory if he sells all he has got" And
the boy went on playing There's a
land that is fairer than day"
But what was he skipping up the
street for the other night with his hat
off, grabbing at his coat tails as though
they were on fire? l thought l never
saw pussy man run any faster. And
what was the celebration down on
your street about that time? Thought
the world was coming to an end" And
the grocery man kept away from the
boy, for fear he would explode.
o, that was only a Fenian scare.
Nothn' serious. You see pa is a sort
of half Englishman. lie claims to be
an American citizen, when he wants
office, but when they talk about draft
he claims to be citizen of Great Brit
ain, and he says they can't touch him.
Pals a darn smart man and don'tvou for
getit. There dOn'tany ofthem get ahead
OF pa much. Well, pa has said a good
deal about the wicked Fenians, and
that they ought to be pulled, and all
that, aud when l read the story in the
papers about the explosion in the Brit
lsh Parliament pa was hot. He said
the damnirish was running the whole
world. he didn't dare say it at the
table, or our hired girl would have
knocked him silly with spoonful of
mashed potatoes, cause she is nirish
girl, and she can lick any Englishman
in this town. Pa said there ought to
have been somebody there to have
taken that bomb up and thrown it in
the sewer before it exploded. He said
If he ever should see bomb he would
grab it right up and throw it away
where it wouldn't hurt ANYBODY. Pa
has me read the papers to him nights,
cause his eyes have got splinters in
EN-, and after | had read all there was
in the paper made up lot more and
pretended to read it, about how it was
rumored that the Fenians here in Mil
wau<ee were going to place dynamite
bombs at every house where an English
man lived, and at given signal blow
them all up. Pa looked pale around
the gills, but he said he wasn't scared.
Ia and ma were going to call on she
deacon that night, that has lots of
money in the bank, to see if she didn't
want to invest in dead sure paving
silver mine, and me and my chum con-
cluded to give them a send-off. We
got my big black injy rubber football
and painted Dinymight in big white
letters on it, and tied piece of tarred
rope to it for fuse, and got big fire.
cracker, one of those old Fourth of
July horse scarers, and basket full OF
broken glass. We put the football in
front of the step, and lit the tarred
rope, and got under the step with the
fire crackers and basket, where thew
| go down into the basement. Pa and
ma came out the front door, and down
the steps, and pa saw the football, and
the burning fuse, and he said Great
! God, Hammer, we are bowed up and
he started to run, and ma she stopped
to look at it. just as pa started to run
L touched off the fire-oracker, and my
chum arranged it to pour out the
broken glass on the brick pavement
just as the fire cracker went off. Well
everything went Just as we expected
except ma. She had examined the
football, and concluded it was not
dangerous, and was just giving it 4
kick as the 1ire-cracker went off, anC
the glass fell, and the fire-cracker wa,
so near her that it scared her, and
when pa looked around ma was flying
across the sidewalk, and pa heard the
noise and he thought the house wa,
blown to atoms. Oh, you'd dide t.
see him go around the corner. You
could play crOkay on his coat-tail, anC
his face was rs pale rs mas when sht
goes to a party. But ma didn't scare
much. As quick as she stopped agains
the hitching post she knew it was u
boys, and she came down there. ant
may be she> didn't maui me. l criet
and tried to gain her sympathy by tell
ing her the fire-cracker went off befor,
it was due, and burned my eyebrow
of, but she didn't let up until 1 prom
ised to go and find pa. 1 tell you, m,
ma ought to be engaged by the BritisI
government to hunt up the dypamit
fiends. She would corral them in tw
minutes. If pa had as much sand a
ma has got, it would be warm weathe
for me. Well, me and my chum wen
and headed pa off, or 1 guess he woul
be running yet. We got him up by tn
lake shore, and he wanted to know
the house fell down. He said he woul
leave it to me if he ever said anythin
against the Fenians, and l told him h
had always claimed that the Fenian
were the incest men in the world, an
it seemed to relieve him very mucl
When he got home and found the hous
) there he was tickled, and when IN
I called him an old bald-headed coward
and said it was only a joke of the boy
with football, he laughed right on
and said he knew it all the time, an
he ran to see if ma would be scared
And then he wanted to hug me, but
wasn't my night to hug, and wei
down to the theatre. Pa don't amour
) to much when there is trouble. I'll
: time ma had them cramps, you remen
! Der, when you got your cucumbe
! = first last season, pa came near faintir
away, and ma said ever since they ha
= been married, when anything allied he
i pa has had pains just the same as 81
has, only he grunted more and though
he was going to die. Gosh, if l was
man wouldn't be sick every time oil
: of the neighbors had backache, wou
J. your"
: well, you can't tell. When yo
3 have been married twenty or thirt
u years you will know q good deal mo-
!; thar you do now. You think yC
, know it all now, and you are pretty i
IS telligent for a boy that has been broug
l. up carelessly; but there are things yt
g will learn after while that will asto
e ish you. But what ails your pas teetl
u The hired girl was over here to 9
y some cornmeal for cruel, and she 50
!, your pa was cumming it since he 10
his teeth"
., 20, about the teeth, That was T.
IA bad. You see, my ohum has got q d.
4 that is old, and his teeth have all cor
" out in front, and this morning I borri
he mas teeth hefore he ont nm IN Gee If \