The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-10-26
g. DEER LODGE MONTANA OCTOBER 20, 1885,
WHY WE LAUGH.

The for putting the has gain.-Bestou
Star.
The first weather report-Thunder.-- Tel
egraph.
The horse prefers to dine at the table
d'oat.-Builetin.
When q giraffe wants drink, he know.
what long-felt want is.-Picapms.
When the man with the deep voice sings
he is sure to get off his bass.-Boston Post
A man al Charleston, s. c., has . petri6ed
oyster, which he offers to hire out for church
social stews.
Coffee. tinted lace Is the latest. The ladie.
,, wear 1t TO the theatre-it matches their es.
corts' BREATH Chicago Ne,cs.
Beer was made in Egypt 400 years b. c.
But it didn't pyramid other nations until
some years afterwards.--Telegraph.
Oscar Wilde's play is on the rounds, travel.
ing south? Will some one please misplace
for 1t reaches us.-Terds SJtings.
"Why don't you ask blessing?" said the
boarding house keeper to the boarder. He
looked all over the table, and gloomily
asked: 'I'd like to know what for ?"-Mer-
chant Traueler.
"Will you please state that Miss Auder-
son Is not the only dignifed American. l,
too, havo In my day refused to see the Prince
of Wales, although At the time held three
jacks."-Schenck.
Before young man can court Mexican
girl he has to tell her parents on the door.
step Of the house what his prospects in life
are. If he says he Is a curve pitcher for q
champion baseball club, the old folks say
"go in."-Norristo,c Herald.
That Milwaukee girl who declares that
she married one brother supposing him TO be
the other, has q very poor excuse. Suppose
they did look exactly alike, she ought to
have courted long enough to tell them apart
by their breaths.--Free Press.
On visiting Chicago, Lord Chief Justice
Coleridge was lost In admiration Of the lake
scenery, but didn't care TO witness the oper.
ations at the great slaughter. house very long,
and positively declined to inspect the pro-
cess Of sausage. making, saying, quietly: 81
eat sausages myself, sometimes"
A health journal says: "Too thick under
clothing causes unnatural redness in the face
and nose" II person buys his under
clothing by the gallon, and puts tumbler-
full into his vital parts too thick, 1t probably
does have that effect. Beware Of under
clothing that comes In jugs.-Peck's Sun.
"If you let me take your stick of candy,
I'll show you how l can swallow It, and
make 1t come out of my ear" The candy
was delivered. The young magician delib-
erately ate 1t. Then for space of two min
utes he threw himself into violent contor.
tlons. The candy failing to appear, he said
to the expectant spectator, with al air Of
great disappointment: 81 believe I've for
gotten the rest Of it."-Peck's Sun.
On train two gentlemen were discussing
the nativity of third who sat near them.
"I'll bet he's Southern man." mo. be
looks more like Westerner." 1--WE can tell
by asking him question, can't We ?" "All
right, for the cigars, now he's Westerner,
and I'll ask him the question" So he went
across the car and politely said: 81 beg your
pardon, sir, but what time Is it?" "Well,
sah," he replied, looking at his watch, sit is
TO- minutes befo' fo'." That settled it.
Merchant Traueler.
A photographer fell asleep in street-car
tue otner uay, anu during the Time ne was
wrapped in the arms Of Morpheus the car
filled up with passengers. A lady got In,
and IS the photographer occupied more
room than was necessary, she touched him
on the shoulder and asked him to move up
little. This aroused him, and - he looked
up and saw lady standing In front of him,
aud thinking be was on duty, said: "Full
length or bust?"
It was on Western railroad. The con-
cuctor had been his rounds, and taken his
seat beside q very quiet aud unassuming
passenger. "Pretty full train," finally OBJ
served the passenger. "Yes." "Road seems
to be doing Food business" "Oh, the road
makes plenty of money. but ~ "But wbat?"
asked the passenger, as the other hesitated.
''Bad management. II is the worst man
aged line in this whole country" "Is that
SOP" "Thats 30. The board Of officials
might know how to run side show to cir
Gus, but they can't tackle railroad" "Who
Is the biggest fool In the lot?" "Well, the
superintendent Is" "I'm glad Of that" said
the passenger, as his face lighted mp; al was
afraid you would say it was the President"
"Suppose had ?" "Why, I'm the man."