The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-02-23
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The sad-eyed poet sings and signs
because there are no birds in last year s
nests. Such a man would howl for the
banana in the peel of the past.-M. O..
PtcGyu7e.
"A Philadelphia man who wants to
die, but doesn't want to disgrace his
friends by committing suicide, has en-
gagged fifth-story room in hotel and
is awaiting his fate. Philadelphia Chron-
Scle-Heraid.
-Sunf1ower leaves are now used in
the manufacture of cigars. If they have
an astheticising effect on man itshows
itselfvery singularly in his discourse after
he has tried to smoke one.--SomerUille
Journal.
India rubber is now adulterated with
pulverized cork, and it has got so that
you can't tell dealer in gum shoes to
cork up without his getting as red in the
face as an Italian sunset.-Boston Trans.
crtpt. .-...
MARY Jane" said Dickey, "isn't
this weather too cold for potatoes?"
t'Dickey," said Mary Jane, sit isn't cold
that takes off the potatoes; it, consump-
ton" Co." said Dickey, 81 never lived
on farm. "-Courter-Journat.
Nothing is better calculated to de-
stroy mans eguanimity than to have a
lady walk up to him while he is linger-
ing near fruit-stand and offer him two
cents for an apple, when in reality he is
only waiting for a horse-car to come
along. PUCK.
= "A poem in the Cambridge Tribune
begins: Gam well or unwell? Am
living at allP'' After looking the stuff
through, the reader is bound to conclude
that the writer was decidedly unwell,
and it is very doubtful if by this time he
is ''living at ALL" He wouldn't be if his
identity were known.-LoUeu Citizen.
An exchange announces in tone
of surprise: THE Gar and Czarine
have been dancing at a ball" There
doesn't seem to be anything out of the
way in such conduct. This is what balls
are for. Now, if they had danced at
prayer-meeting, comment would have
been in order.-Norristop1 Herald.
- the lady of the house in?" asked
tramp of the servant who rang the
door-bell of one of the stateliest mansions
in Austin. .sDe lady OBJ de house dsn.t
come to de door to talk wild de like OBJ
YOU" 'Then." said the tramp, elevat-
ing the remnant of hat, with a grace
Chesterfield might have enyied, ''tell the
lady of the house gentleman wishes to
speak with her in the parlor. "-1cras
.Siftings. 49,.
Lime Kiln philosophy apropos of
the death of Elder Spooner: He was
honest, an darfore poo. He was con-
scienshus, and darfore ragged. He was
fully of mercy, an pity, an sympathy,
an darfore had the reputation of befn'
weak in de second story. I doan' ad-
wise any man to be wicked, but desire to
carelessly remark dat de real good man
who am obleeged to turn his paper col
lars am stunned by society and LATED at
by de world. " Detroit Free Press.
job Smith, assistant keeper of the
Highland lights at Navasink, n j.,
being imprisoned alone in the building
by snow storm, attempted to thaw out
the lard-oi1 pipes of the lights with an
alcoholfambeau. and was nearly burned
to death by the flaming alcohol. He ran
out of the house all ablaze, and saved
himself BY diving into the snow, although
he was terribly burned. He attended
the lights until daylight and then sig
nailed to the village at the foot of the
hill for aid. when the regular keeper
came to his relief. He viii be marke
for life. but hiscondition is not considered
critical. Fa