The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-08-03
WIT AND HUMOR.


Shoulu music be sold by the chord?
Drum music might be sold by the
pound.
A light smuggling Misunderstanding
lucifer. A stare-way-The theater cor
ridor after matinee.
1t is probably of interest to know
that blacksmiths are often wald-to-do
sort of fellows.
The latest mineral discovery in Cali
fornia is soap mine. Good stock to
water.
Spicer says the man for church SEX
ton is the man who has no music in his
sole.
A Turkey Gobler: Russia. Lying in
state: Diplomacy. A nabob, Shaking
ones head in the negative.
Carpenters who re-fashion old dry
goods boxes should be called "Circum-
Stances" because they alter cases.
When a person writes poems to kill
time, he may be pretty sure that time
will have revenge and kill the poem.
A miser is man who lives and dies
like beggar in order that he may never
be poor.
There is no difference between well
limbed tramp and well trimmed lamp
when cyclone makes its appearance,
for they both light out.
It is said that the sun will absorb the
earth in a million years. That puts an
end to prize-fghting. 1t doesn't leave
time for the necessary negotiations.
No, my son, those young gentlemen
whom you see going out between acts
are not what are commonly known as
Washers. They are only sour-mashers.
1t is popularity believed that "Cesar
burst his mighty heart" but it is plain
to the careful observer that he died OF
Brute force.
/ The editor of an Oregon paper calls
left-handed compliment, which means
that his contemporary is rising, and will
soon become prominent.
"Can you tell me-" asked Twistem,
''the difference between my cook, this
morning, and passenger on new
railroadp One was bakin' shad, and the
other was shaken bad"
"See here, SIR" said the leader of the
minuet to the orchestra director, edo you
think we are on the way to the funeral
of rich relativep Because if you do,
you are much mistaken. We are dane
ing the minuet. Play slower"
An East End gentleman takes no in
terest whatever in the prevailing Dog
Show. He says he has one of his own
at home. His wife has q temper, and
he and the children rarely pass day
without an exhibition of MAS 'tiffs.
1t gives New York man an awful
start to suddenly observe a clipping
from a Chinese newspaper which has
been left lying on his table by some mis-
chievous friend. His first thought, of
course, is that it is wash bill.
An exchange heads an article of
crime as follows: "a successful burglar
and his subsequent capturew We sup
pose that is the reason that there are SO
many unsuccessful burglars in this
country when they are not captured.
A Williamsport man went to bed the
other night with eyesight as good as any
man. When he awoke he could not see
the least thing in the world. Come to
think of it, however, 1t would take q
microscope to do that.
The attention of Henry Bergh Is called
to the fact that an Ohio marshal has is
sued an order proclaiming that all ami
mails found running at large will be
pounded. Now is the time to get up
clubs.
A rural exchange says: "NoyesWhite
is the proud and happy owner OF a
handsome, well-formed calf, weighing
10 pounds Noyes will have to have
his stockings made TO order, or else send
for some OF David Davis cast-offs.
A man In Baltimore, now seventy-five
] wears Of AGE. has been married thirteen