davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

Il don't care so much about the loss
of my thumb, as a thumb, said the
grocer, whose horse had amputated
that member; but as a source of profit
l shall miss it. I'ye measured that
thumb in the shape of beans, meal and
molasses nigh onto thousand times.
Well, my wife cant afford new parlor
carpet this spring.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

A celebrated preacher makes the
of Ayers Pills a mat
ter OF religious duty. When people are
bilious and dyspeptlc, what they need
is the Gospel of Health. In such cases
the best creed to swallow consists Of
the thirty sugar r-coated articles in a
pill.box.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

A married man IN this city took a
young lady to the theatre one night,
and after the first act excused hluself
for a moment, as he wanted TO 60 out
to see a man, He didn't come back.
Instead of seeing man he saw wo-
man. II vas his wife waiting for him
al the door.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04
Death DisIanced.

ALEXANDRIA, VA, Aug. 4, 'Sl.
ii. IL. WARNER & Co.: Sirs
should hayc been 10 my grave to-day
had it not been for your Safe Kidney
aud Liver Cme. MRS. BURGESS.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

A beautiful Spanish lady went into a
photograph gallery 10 Madrid to get
her picture taken. After being posed,
she ,lrew a revolver and placed 1t to
her head. She said she wanted TO send
cne 10 the young man who had deser-
ted her, hoping in would bring him
back.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

Poor fellow, he died 10 poverty said
a man of person lately deceased. That
isn't anything exclaimed a seedy
bystander. Dying in poverty is no
hardship. 'I's living in poverty that
puts thums crew OF q fellow
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

They say Charley has married. DO
YOU know bis wife 2 lie she woman of
any intelligence Is she well luiormeds'
We'll informed |! Well, I should say so.
She has belonged 10 the village sewing
circle for ten years and never mis'ed a
meetipg,'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

In olden times a Roman Senator
used to shut himself up for three DAYS
after eating onions. The great man oil
to day walks right out OF the house and
begins TO argue with the first man he
meets.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

Perseverance, can sometimes equal
genius IN its results. There are on'y
two creatures says the eastern pros
verb. which can suImount the pyramids
the eagle and the snsil.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

CHEAPEST FASHION MAGAzi 81 in tue world, 10
arge pages, pages new music, 1000 engrayIngs
ca ch issue. so cents per year; single copies is
cents srRAwBaIDGE * CLorarER, sth & Marke
Sts, Philadelphia.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

Bob Ineersoll believes there Is a CLi'
cago, but doubts that there Is ano'no'
place like 1t.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

Mr.. John L. Keller, University, Va.
SAYS: Iam handling Browns Iron Bit
.ers with satisfaction to myself andmy
customers
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

For family medicine Ayers Sugar
Coated Pills are unrlvlled. They root
out disease, as if by magic.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

We seldom find people ungrateiul so
long as we are in a condition TO render
them service.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

s0- With diamond Dyes any lady
can get as good results as the best
practical dyer. Every dye warranted
true 10 name and sample.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

1t IS a good rule to be deaf when q
slandcrer begins TO talk.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

Conscience warns US as friend BED
fore It publishes US as . judgel
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

Out In the world men sho1 Us two
sides in their character; By the 6reside
only one.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

A vigorous growth Of hair is promo
ted and the youthful color restored oy
applying Parker's Hair Balsam.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

There are lhorns in abundance in tue
path Of human life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04

It,costs more TO aveoge wrongs than
to bear them.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04
NOTARIBS PUBLIC.
JUSTICES OF THE PEACE.

DAVIS D1sT.-Dr. G. A. Brown, Obed Funk and
D. II. Spengler.
sToNEwALL.-J II. Grabill, W. &. Snarr, G. "
OrndOrf.
JoHNsroN.-J. 81. Rodefer, Levi Il. Cullers.
MADisoN.-samuel &. Campbell James j.
Cofman, Jos. Conner.
AsHBY.-Saml. Hsmman, n. B. Painter, Jacob
r. Miller.
LEE.-Christian Shirley, D. P. Zirkle, John NJ.
Pence.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04
ROUGH on RATS

Clears out rats, mice. reaches, flies,
ants. bed-bugs, skunks, cblpmunks,
gophers. 15c. Druggists.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04
"RucEu.?AIgA.

Quick. complete cure, all annoying
Kidney, Bladder and Urinary Diseases.
81. Druggists.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-07-04
gRs"aaDoaR' 9sraID


Advertisements will be inserted at One Dols
Per square Of ten lines or less for the drsti
ion, and so cents for each subsequent insertion.
Unless the number of insertions be marked upo
the manuscript, It will be published uE.ii forbid
and charged accordingly.
Notices in the local column will be insertedan
ten cents per line, each insertion.
Advertisements three months or longer vi
Inserted at lowerrates'
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17
A Vain Journey.

The gossips are saying that the widow
of Commodore Vanderbilt has Just been
refused by her first husband. You re-
member that she was a lovely Mobile
belle when first married. just before the
war. Her husband. who was ..well-to-
do" if not rich, could not get along
with his mother-in-law. So. after fight.
ing her awhile, he separated from his
wife, with her consent, Subsequently,,
after passing through many vicissi-
tudes. she married old Cornelius Van
ierbilt. She lived with him in luxury,
if not in happiness, until he died. Then,
it is said. she turned longingly toward
her first love. At her request he went
from his Texas home to New York. He
was glad to see her again but he did
not marry her. On his way back he is
said to have stopped here to ask the
advice of an old mutual friend. ..Ought
l to marry her again." he asked.
"From worldly point Of view, ;" said
his friend, ..you should, for she is very
rich; but no marriage should be thought
of, in my opinion. unless mutual happi-
ness is its essence" IL don't think
care to marry her," said the former
husband; Il think | could if | would,
but her mother is still alive. ~. y
Ls!.er.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17
Does Lightning Strike the Pine!

1t has been often said by the so-calleG
wise old Say Sos in this locality thai
the lightning neUer strikes pine tree
but the fact was very conclusively de-
monstratcd to the contrary to-day al
this place-Mr. James Fenwick's. Mr.
Fenwick's place is the one adjoining
that of Admiral Lees. Just after one
o'clock p. M. the storm passed directly
over Mr. F.'s house from the northeast.
and soon after Il vivid flash of lightning
came, which struck two pine trees only
ten or twelve feet from his house. A
part of he electricity passed down the
trees into the ground, tearing off great
strips of bark and cutting a groove into
the trees for some distance Just before
it passed of into the ground. The rest
of it followed a wire clothes-line at
tached to one of the trees to the other
end of the wire and then passed down Q
cedarpost to which the wire was at
tached into the ground. 1t split the
post the whole length and broke of
large pieces from it. 1t was a very
narrow escape for the house, for if the
cloud had discharged a moment sooner
it would certainly have hit the house
and perhaps have done a great deal OF
damage. There are quite number oil
Washington people spending the sum.
mer here, and all who were at the house
were very much alarmed, and also the
animals. The horses in the stable neal
tried to break away and run, the flash
was so vivid and the report SO loud
Sligo (INd. J Cor. Washington Star.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

DO the thing that you can do best
and you will be sure to succeed. The
Spaniards have saying: BE not a
baker if your head be of butter. IN.
Y. Herald.
-" Never would call a boy of mine
Alias" said Mrs. Jones, of Hunts
vile, Ala, if | had a hundred 10
name. Men by that name is allus cut
tin up capers. Here's Alias ThOmp-
son, Alias Williams, Alias the Night
hawk-all been took up for stealth. -
n. Y. Post.
INLAY have the honor to conduct
your daughter to the supper tablet"
asked society gentleman of lady from
the country, who is staying with some
friends whom she is visiting here in
Austin. May you take her to sup
per?" was the response; "why, of
course. and you can take me too. That's
what we came here for.''- Silt
ingS.
-"Have you any fresh eggs?" "Yes,
mum, plenty; them with the hen on
'cmr' with the hen on them?' ..Yes,
mum, we always puts a hen on our
fresh eggs to distinguish of 'em. BEG
pardon, mum, don't think you under
stand. Hen the letter. not 'en the
bird. Hen for moo laid, mum. Take .
dozen mum? Thank your Chicago
Times.
Mamie having been helped twice
to everything on the table, slid down,
when the coffee came in, from her chair,
with sigh: There now" said her
mamma, Il suppose you have eaten SC
much that you feel uncomfortable"
Don't" replied Mamie quickly, with
toss of her little head. Il only just
feel nice and smooth. "-Harper' S
Bdzdr.
Centuries upon centuries ago, while
vet the world was in its ''salad days,
the true relation between man and
woman was recognized. These two
quaint lines contain the history of do
nestle life from the beginning. and they
are not likely to be proven false by the
future:
As the good man saith. so say we;
But as the good woman saith, so must it be.
Charley quite outwitted: She leaned
her head upon his shoulder and said, in
her most insinuating tones: Charley,
dear, I've heard SO much about dudes
want you to get me one" Charley
smiled at her innocence. but resolved tc
humor it. would you prefer French
dude?" he asked. Il think not" she
answered. squirming coyly. How
would German dude suit?" Il don't
think it would suit at all. l don't I'm.
derstand German" ..Well, what shall
it be, them" 1t was her turn to smile
as she said. with an arch look: "A Yam
kee dude III do. Chicago Herald.
Plantation Philosophy.-Yer doan
often find cruelty among fowls. DE-
hen is always kind to de step-chicken
Oars such thing as bein' too brave
Eff de trout wat SO game he wouldn't
be half so liable ter get cotch.-Dt
smooth-talkin' man amt alters dc
most entertainin'. De plain clapboart
lasts longer den de sawed plank.-1r
all life de middle condition is de bes'
A man feels bout as bad arter he's ea
too much as he does when he's hungry
De raan what can do thing an
won't amt so deservin' OBJ kind word:
as de man what wanster do somethin
an can't. Ambition widOut energy
amt wuf cent.-Arka,,SaW TrarelLe1'
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17
Too Fast.

Colonel Burlington is wealthy man.
He did not earn wealth himself, but re-
ceived it as a legacy. He is very Obtuse,
although he puts on great deal OF
style. Hearing that he wanted a horse,
4 neighbor, who had one to sell, went
To him and said:
Il want to sell you a horse. He i:
just the kind of an animal you want"
is he fast?"
Fast? Fast is no name for him.
How far do you live from your ofiice?'
"About three miles"
"Well. if you start from your Office
at four o'clock in the evening you car
sit down to your dinner at home at ter
minutes past four"
"Then don't want him.
"No? Why not?'
because my dinner isn't ready until
five and would not know what to dc
with MYSELF in the meantime. ''-1eIG.
Sftings
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17
FACTS AND FIGURES.

Georgia has about LOGO, 600 people,
If whom $50, 900 are white.
The Delaware output this year of
canned fruit and vegetables is estimated
at 1000, 600 cans.
The people of Prescott, A. T., have
contributed $500, 900 toward building a
railroad from their town to connect with
the Atlantic & Pacific Road, which is
distant sixty miles north.
Every telegraph operator who
sends 500 average messages day-and
this is a fair days work-makes $50, 600
motions, each requiring distinct, in
telligent volition. Chtsago Times.
The value of the poultry product of
America, which finds market entirely
at home, was in 1882 S560,000, 900,
greater than the value of wheat, hay,
cotton, or dairy products. The hen APP
pears to be cock of the walk.
The United States Fish Commission
has this year distributed throughout ev-
cry State and Territory in the Union
$4,000, 900 white fish, 100000 shad,
and 10000, 900 of the salmonide species.
The Commission has also distributed
10000 German carp Chicago Herald.
In the last twelve years the losses
by fire on the Pacific coast have aver
aged 81, 800, 900 year, with insurance
losses of more than 81, 100000. In the
first half of this year the insurance
losses have been over Sl,5O0,O00, while
the total toss falls only little short
of $4,000, OO0.-Sa Francisco Chron-
icie.
If the proposed tunnel should be
made for the relief of about $50 mines
in Gilpin County. Colorado, it would be
one of the largest works of the kind in
the world. These mines produce about
$4,000, 900 a year, chiefly gold, of which
the total output since its discovery in
1859 has been over S37 200, 900, besides
So, 500, 600 in silver.
The death rate in the principal pen
itentiaries of the country furnishes a
notable feature in the semi-annual re-
port of DIR. Gill, of the Southern Illinois
Penitentiary, the variations in the differ
ent institutions being almost incredible.
In New York prisons, at Sing Sing, the
yearly deaths from 1000 inmates num-
Der tritle less than seven; at Auburn
it is twelve, and at Clinton over twenty.
The lowest rate named is three, in Wis
consin, and the highest seventy-seven,
in Mississippi. The practice of letting
convicts for work on mines and rail
roads is declared to cause fearful death
rates in several Southern States, and,
on the other hand, the New Hampshire
figure is forty-eight. The rate in Mas
sachusetts is fifteen; in Maine the same;
in Vermont, twenty-five. and in Con
necticut. fifteen. Pennsylvania has six
in the Western and fourteen in the
Eastern District. Chicago Times.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17
An Extraordinary Occurrence on a Rail.
way.

The occurrence on the Holyhead line
of the driver and stoker of n train fall
ing asleep while on duty and the extra
ordinary escape of the Irish mail last
week was even more serious than was
reported. 1t would appear that tine
signalman at Llandudno saved the Irish
mail passengers ON Tuesday night from
what might have proved terrible fate
The signalman at the junction received
a message from the signalman at Con-
way, the next station toward HOlyhead.
that light engine was coming. The
junction signalman, knowing that the
Irish mail was due, decided to run the
engine into siding in order to permit
the express to pass. He accordingly
put up all the signals against the light
engine: but to his extreme establishment
the engine came straight into the june
ton at full speed, swept round the cor
ner. dashing past all the danger signals
and disappeared from view down the
line toward Chester. A moments re-
Election convinced the signalman that
both driver and stoker must be asleep.
He accordingly wired to the Colwyn
Bay Station slgnalman: Engine COM
ing; driver asleep; put fog signals on
line" The man at Colwyn Bay was
equally prompt, for, running out of his
box, he had hardly time to lay num-
Der of signals when the engine came
laundering along and an explosion fol-
lowed which effectually awoke the men.
The engine was stopped and run back
into siding, when it was discovered
that the fire had gone out, that the
water had disappeared from the boiler
and that the men had been asleep some
time Inquiry resulted in their inn
mediate discharge. They had been
fifteen hours on duty.-!St. james Gu
zette.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17

Miners Bank, of Summit Hill. He was
formerly recorder Of deeds Of Carbon
County.
WHILE five employees Of Hussey, Howl &
Co.'s steel manufacturing establishment, OF
Pittsburg, Pa, were taking stock in the
warehouse recently, a rack supporting five
hundred tons Of steel gave way, burying
Charles Oshman and Robert Shernitz
under the ruins and slightly injuring the
three others. Oshman was killed instantly
and Shernitz will probably die.
WILLIAM H. OsTRASDER was hanged in
Utica, N. Y, for the murder of his brother,
George L. Ostrander, December 20, 1850.
Upon the scaffold he did not want any one
to pray for him, and was frequently pro.
fame and obscene.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17
TRR SOUTH.


THE Georgia Legislature recently passed
a general Local Option Law for the State.
L. L. CONRAD, a lawyer, prominent in
professional and social life, was shot and
killed the other night by his wife, near ely
don, in Baltimore County, Md. Mrs. Con-
rad had been suffering from illness, some-
times accompanied by evidences of insani-
ty. Conrad was a native of New Orleans,
and son of William H. Conrad, Secretary
of War during Fillmore's administration.
l. A. NJ. LYON & Co.'s tobacco factory,
VIM. A. Waldron's mandatory of tobacco
machinery and G. p. Halves & Co.'s saw
and file works at Richmond, Va, recently
burned. Loss, 10000.
A SCHOONER, the E. S. Irwan, which put
in at Richmond, Va, having on board a
couple of cannon and 254 boxes of ammu-
milton, was libeled by the United States
Government. The Captain was held in his
own recognizance to appear at the October
term of the United States court.
A STABLE at the fair grounds in Lexing-
ton, KY, burned the other night consuming
seven fine trotting horses, owned by James
Shackelford, mostly of the Wilkes stock.
The horses We're valued at $4,000.
The steamer William Lawrence, from
Savannah, Ga, when off Point Lookout
the other morning, came in collision with
the schooner Marian Levina. The schooner
Immediately sank, carrying down the wife
and two children of the Captain, and
Joseph Leavitt, cook.
WILLIAM SHEPPARD, while returning
home with his little son in a wagon, in
Pittsylvania County, Va, recently, was
shot dead by two negroes. The murderers
were arrested.
A RECENT fire at Danville, Va, destroyed
the cotton factory of E. L. & A. Crest, the
tobacco warehouse of Holland & Co., the
tobacco factory of Hale, Hickey & Oyer,
the tobacco factory of W. F. Low & Co.,
and several outhouses. The estimated loss
was $150,O00: insurance, $4,000.
THE body of John Freeman was recently
found murdered near Union Church, Jeffer-
son County, Miss. Dan Sullivan and Sam
Brown, farmers, were arrested and put on
trial for the murder. Freeman was en-
gagged to marry Sullivan's daughter. She
did all she could to convict her father and
brother.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17

The number of addresses of scien-
fists, including amateurs. living in the
United States and Canada the Anlert-
can Naturalist estimates at about 5,5OO;
in Great Britain, about 5000; IN Ger
many. 1,sOO (probably the number
should be doubled or trebled;) IN Aus
tro,Hungary- 1000; while there are
about 1000 French addresses. A direc-
tory of the scientific societies of the
United States and Canada is added;
thew number about 200.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17

A man lives few miles above
Athens, Ga, who eats in one county,
sleeps in another, smokes when sitting
upon his piazza in third and has built
MS barn in fourth. He lives where
our counties corner.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-08-17

in an advanced stage of decomposition,
was found in a room in q tenement house
at Minneapolis, Mimi, recently, with the
head crushed in by blow from an ak. A
family named Moore, having rooms in the
same building, are missing, and suspicion
points to them.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-07-06
MAcHIGoNNE.

The monument has been given to the city BIZ
Superintent Payson Tucker OF the Maine Cen.
trail railroad. descendant OF Richard Tucker
who landed with Gleayes. 1t was cut and
made at the Lewiston Granite and Marble
Works, McKenna & Murphy proprietors, and
is very handsome. Hawkes. Brothers OF Portland
set the work and put In the foundation.
AT 11.15 a. m. the Communicates of Knight:
Templar left the asylum on Exchange street
for the Eastarn Promenade, as escort to the
Grand Lodge, who were to lay the foundation
stone of the monument The following was
the formation Of the Masonic procession:
Yarmouth Band, #. Rand, Leader-25 pieces.
Portland Commandery, Eminent Commander Frank
Alen-40 msn.
st Albans Comnandery, Eminent Commander
A G Schlotterbeck-4O men
Grand Bodies in carriages.
Grand Commando o Shaw, Bath
Grand Captain General Fred LeaTitt, Bangor
Grand Prelate-Rev Il Small. Saco.
Grand Senior Warden--Fritz II Twitchell bath.
Grand Junior Warden Y Hodsden Yarmouth.
Grand Recorder-Ira Berry.
Grand Captain OF the Guard w o Carney
Grand Lodge.
Grand Master-w r g Estes, Skowhegan
Deputy Grand Master esscndeH Day, Lewis
Senior Grand warden-w II Smith. Portland.
Junior Grand Warden-Goodwin Wiley, Bel
fast.
Grand Treasurer w o Fox, pro TEN.
Grand Secretary--ira Berry.
Grand Chaplain--Rev Hayden Deering.
Grand Marshal--H II Burbank saeo.
Senior Grand Deacon Charles Ii Kimball. PRO
tenn.
Junior Grand Deacon Il o Morse, pro tenn
Grand Stewards Joseph o Cobb, MON, and Geo
r Could Portland.
Grand Tyler-w c @ Carney, pro tenn.
Past Grand Mssters-Edward P Burnham, Saeo,
and NJ Il King.
Grand Sword Bearer-wm II Hammond Cum
berland Mills.