New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-11-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

accepted. Life.
1t does not follow that man is jour
nalist because he has a free ticket to a
picnic. -Nea0 Orleans Picayu1ae.
We are asked the question if water
does not sometimes intoxicate. We
have often seen barrels that were water
tight.
Two deaf mutes were married the
other day in Philadelphia. 1t is to be
hoped the conjugal affection will be
mute-ual.
Ruskin says that no couple should
marry until they have courted seven
years. This would lead one 10 suppose
that Ruskin runs a soda fountain.
Oscar Wilde is describing the Ameri-
can girl to English audiences as "a
pretty oasis of unreasonableness in a
desert Of common sense
The cost of stopping train of cars is
said to be from 50 to 40 cents. When a
train is stopped by another train these
prices become somewhat inflated.
Seeing carriage full of bellies and
beaux drive by, Aminadab remarked
that that reminded him of load of
WOOed.
Mistress to new cook: 'On Wednes-
days and Saturdays shall go to market
with YOU New cook: Every well,
mum; but who's agoin' to carry the
basket the other days?''
1t is the same old story, Two Illinois
farmers had a dispute about the bound
airy lines of their farms. Their dispute
is now settled, and so are the lawyers
on their farms.-Philadelphio Nea0s.
''Your mother comingr' exclaimed
smithe,rs;; "why, they say the old j. Harry
Mrs. S., in her most haunting manner,
"you willtry to, for my sake, won'tyou.
Charley?"
Bismarck may give the American hog
the cold shoulder now. but he will be
glad to take it in next Christmas. The
American egg-nog, that is. That fits a
little rough, but you can't make a
smooth joke on such q bristly subject.
A well-known novelist was recently
asked what he did to always keep the
attention of his readers. II have read
a good deal,' he replied, ''and always
try to avoid what annoyed me in other
writer's"
One-fourth Of all the, pineapples inn
ported in the United States 90 to Phila-
delphia. A pineapple tastes good to
your nose, but it couldn't be much
more indigestible if it was made of hick-
DRY.
The New Jersey law prohibiting the
sale of tobacco to boys under Is years of
age is not grand success. The small
boy hires his big brother to buy the to-
bacco, and then goes halves with him
on the tobacco. Post
What happy way of putting things
the real poet has! Now, Burns, in
stead of saying, Beware of pickpock-
ets!' expresses the same idea by "A
chiefs amongye takin' notes. "-Boston
Courier.
Nearly one hundred Philadelphia
teachers are to be married this Sum-
mer. A school system that enables
woman to support her husband is the
next best thing to free becr.-BurAmgto
HaaOkeye.
A Western college boy was caught in
the act of rchcarSing his Grafton before
a small case in which were placed about
a dozen eyeglasses. He confessed that
he was preparing himself beforehand to
endure the stony gaze OF the audience.
In y Newport bouuoir: ooh! he is
such charming gentleman. And he
did not make his money in vulgar trade,
either. ~, in:tcrd! lie owns q bank;
Tor hay" ;s'':r,' ropl" who knew him
A seventeen year old poy IS the
superintendent Of q Sunday-school in
Toccos, Ga.
Henry Hall of, North Corolina, has
invented machine that will pack 100
pounds of bran in q fifteen-inch space.
Joseph Foster and wife, of Cairo, N.
Y, have celebrated their diamond we'd
ding. He is ninety-nine and she is
ninety-ive.
The Duke of Cambridge, the British
Commander-in-Chi declares that the
next great European war will be be-
tween Russia and Germany.
The Grown Prince of Germany
writes political memoirs, talks philoso-
ply, carves statuary, cOmposes sonatas,
dabbles in architecture and paints.
Kentucky people are disguised be-
cause well-to-do travelling English
man asked Judge Harlan who Henry
Clay was.
About fifteen miles south of Troy,
Ala, it is said there are about twenty
acres of forest trees in body wilted
and dead from the effect of the drought.
In the Eastern cities where burglari-
Gus statements prevail they speak of a
citizen who is known as robber and
sneak thief as ION bad terms with the
police
There is a family living in Nashville,
Tenn, whose members in the last three
years committed four murders, but have
always escaped punishment through
some technically of the law.
An Indianapolis minister says that
base ball has done more to make loaf
ers than all the saloons in the country,
and he hopes that the rainy season
awaits it next year.
There is boom in Arkansas in the
payment of back taxes. Delinquents
Of many years are settling up, some of
them owning upward Of 10000 acres of
land.
: The Springfield Republican is ungal-
liant and untruthful enough to say that
Mrs. Frank Leslie has two qualifications
as a journalist. They are "ugliness
and energy
r. A. Gourlis, of Sacramento, is eigh-
ty-one years old. His great-grand-
mother lived to the age of 1913 years.
His grandmother topped the beam at
III and one of his uncles reached 102.
Christine Nilsson, charged with the
intention of marrying a rich New York
er, would neither deny nor confirm the
report when a reporter of the modest
New York brand asked her about it.
The Treasury Department police ask
ed the banks of the country to send in