Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-07-06
FUN


went to hotel and registered, had supper,
and then started out for night view of
the mighty roarer. They had not gone far
when man called to them and said:
s'Have you just been married 20
I'VE h-have,'' answered the groom.
'sGoing to stay here day or two ?''
EYES,,
Having registered at my hotel, you
probably intend to remain there ?''
Eyes, sir..'5
swell, want to say word to you. l
don't want any ducky -deary nonsense
around my house. I want no propsy-
twopsy business on the verandas. I want
no squeezing hands on the balconies or
feeding each other at the table,"
The groom let his arm fall from bis
BRIDES waist in a slow and painful man.
ner, and the stranger continued:
1.-THE first time you call herpeaches and
cream or she calls you her darling, out you
go!"
yves, SIR"
s'She's no sweeter than ten thousand
other girls, and you are no more of dar-
ling than am, and I won It stand lovesick
nonsense"
He walked away with that, and people
at the Falls who knew the bridal couple
were amazed to hear them address each
other as Mr.. and Mrs. and to see what
precautions they took to prevent touching
hands or betraying any symptoms of love.
They put in two wretched days, and it
was only as they were upon the point of
leaving that they discovered how base
villain had duped them.-Detroit Free
Press.
WHY HE COULDN'T HAVE EMILY
One of the daughters of Jonathan Ed
wards, a celebrated theologian and the
first President of Princeton College, had
some spirit of her own. also proposal of
marriage. The youth was referred to her
father.
NO. said the stern individual, "you
can't have my daughter
'sBut I love her and she loves me-" plead
ed the young man.
Cant have her, said the father
81 am well-to-do, and can support her,
exclaimed the applicant"
s.Can't have her," persisted the old
man.
INLAY ask" meekly inquired the sui
tor, 'sif you have heard of anything
against my character ?''
NO." said the obstinate parent, 81
haven't beard anything against you;
think you are promising young man, and
that's why you can't have her. She's got
very bad temper, and you would not be
happy with herr
The lover, amazed, said "Why, Mr..
Edwards, thought Emily was a Chris
tian. She is a Christian, isn't she ?''
''Certainly she u.s." answered her con-
scientious parent; "but. young man,
when you grow older, you III be able to TN
derstand that there's some folks that the
grace of God can live with that you
can't"
RAINY DAY STORIES AT THE VILLAGE
SToRE.--''Talk about it's going to be a
potato bug year!'' exclaimed Or. Purdy;
''going to be? Why, they were SO thick
in my garden this morning that could
not see the stalks. 1 counted 932 strong,
healthy bugs on one hill. Twenty eight
bugs on one stalk, y and the doctor struck
the air with his fist.
Twenty eight bugs on one stalk only
twenty eight !" said Charlie Campbell,
CONTEMPORARY. why, they ate up my
first crop of potatoes two weeks ago, and
they are now sitting around the garden on
trees and fences, waiting for me to plant
them over again."
Old Hank now scratched his head
thoughtfully and remarked:
Gentleman. you don't any of you ap-
pear to know anything about the ravenous
nature of them potater bugs. You may
call me liar, but I've had potater bugs
walk right into my kitchen and yank red
hot potaters right out of the oven. Walt
ing around the potater patch for the Sec
ond crop !" exclaimed old Hank, with a
sneer. waiting !? Why, confound your
eyes, was up to Townsend 8 store yester-
day. and I saw potater bugs up there look =
ing over TOwnsend's books to see who
had bought seed potaters for next year.
It is during these days of business that
clergyman. on selecting chapter to read
in church, first looks at the end of the last
verse to make sure that no patent medi-
cine advertisement is htched on.
Kate Field says the journalists "quietly
accepted oblivion We have known him
to most enthusiastically seek for it when
the citizen entered the sanctum and an
nounced his intention of pulyerizing the
entire staff.
Gen. Abe Buford, of Kentucky, having
been converted by a reviyalist. encounter-
ed lifelong foe who had also been con-
verted. They shook hands and then stood
up and took drink together. Let no one
dispute the power of Kentucky grace.
Oliver Wendell Holmes says that bad air,
bad whiskey, and irregular habits, keep
the doctors alive. He must be mistaken.
Those things have killed many doctors.
You are as full of airs as music box
is what young man said to CIR; who re-
fused to let him see her home. ''That may
be" was the reply, "but don't 60 With
crank"
Did that lady take umbrage ?" said a
store-keeper to his clerk who had just had
wordy dispute with customer. "Oh, no.
She took ten yards of turkey red calico,
and wanted buttons to match.''
'Oh, dear!'' sighed Mrs. P, with
toothacbe. sWhy can't people be born
uithout taath -, uTf vo, will rofoot .