South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-07-13
WIT AND IIuMoR

Little Arthur was chopping with
hstchet one day and cut his flpcer.
", the bad old Ratchet, I'll dull it :.
NO, don't, dear you can't chop with it
you do. Yes. lean chop jus. the
same, (making the motion with his
arm), but it won't leave any trucks
a poor lrishman offered an old sauce.
pan for sale. His children gathered a.
round him and inquired why lie parted
with it. 'Ah. my honcys', answered he,
i would not be after parting with il
nut Tor a little money TO buy something
TO put in it.
Baby has been forgotten at the table
He reflects a moment and then. turn
ing to his neighbor. says: Would you
kindly give me little sal.?' Some salt +
Gays the mother. 'What are you going TO
do with it, my child?' Baby casts his eye
down and replies timidly: i am going
TO put it on my meat-when you give
me some!
A young man in Kansas, who wanted
to teach school, but couldn't tell hori-
zontal from perpendicular when asked
what circular was. Said ii WAS fur
linod cloak. He must have been n
near relative Of the chap who was asked
what cocktail was and replied that it
was n bird what hops its wings, but
don't lay eggs.
We'll, Sutton, old man, you look
pale. How arc your I'm sick. I'm
suffering from nervous prostra,ion and
kindred troubles, That's bad, know
for Lave suffered from the kindred
troubles myself. Have got 'em now.
Have an uncle in the Texas Legislature
anG another in the Ohio State prison,
and fm looking for an aggravated case
of EN- right soon. You needn't tell me
anything about kindred troubles and
the way they PROSTATE q fellows ner.
vous system. ! tell you I've had en-
had EN- bad
No DULL FELLERs FOR ME.-A s.
year.old boy the other evening, when
his father came homo, innocently in
CURED, 'Pa, you haven't found o knife
anywhere, havo you since you have been
goner The father sail no, and in
CURED why. The answer WAS. We'll
papa, | thought maybe you found one,
rs I'm not worth n cent at finding any
thing The father saw the drift of the
inquiry, and smiled as he went away:
Tho littlo fellow called out to him
Pa, pa, if you should find one, find a
sharp one; no dull felers for me-
a Rockville, Conn, young lady,
who was examining some of the hats in
one of the millinery shops there lately,
innocently inquired: Do the crushed
strawberry hats have the odor of the
fruit?'
a company OF gentleman. who were
dining at an inn, inquired il the turkey
which was served to them was fresh.
Fresh, is it?' said the Irish waiter,
jauntily. Faith, It's not six hours
sInco that turkey was walking around
on his own rale estate. with his hands
In his pockets, never draining wat an
urgent invitation he'd hayo TO jine
you gintlemen at dinner.
A teacher in a suburban school was
giving her class al object lesson n few
days ago, and drew cat on the black
board for its inspection. Sho then
asked what thorc was on the cat and
the unanimous reply was. hair. What
else?' she quericd. There was long
pause Of consideration. but finally the
hand OF a bright eyed little fve-year
Old shot up, and almost simultaneously
came her triumphant answer. 'Flcas
JOHNNY had come home from school
several times within q month with va
rious bruises on his face and body re-
ceived in fights With his school-mates,
and on the last occasion his mother
threatened him with sevoro punishment
If no ever engaged in Gght again On
ly few days after tho small chap ap-
peared with black eye, and, scared by
the stern maternal greeting, We'll, sir?'
TO departed from his usual. truthful
ways. and stammercd,
L fell down and bit my head on
stone
And which got The worst OF it?'
asked his big brother.
oh, the other fellow, you bet an
swored Johnny, briskly. lies gone
home with two black eyes
a pretty little fairy who lives in
Washington md who Il vprv fond of