Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-09-29

An old couple, man and wife, We're
along the wharves day or two ago, hunt
ing for an up-shore boat, and the woman
explained to IL steamboat agent:
cts very. stormy season, and We OK
pect to he sca-sick, and we'd druther 80
on boat where the captain is a religious
man"
"wcll, that's all right" he replied.
"We've got one very religious captain on
our line, and his boat sails Tonight"
"Can we 60 down and sec him!"
"Oh, yes. Keep down the street until
you sec the boat"
The couple walked OH and finally board
ed the steamer. The captain and all hands
were busy with cargo, but the old folks
walked up to him and the woman said:
"Capting, you have been recommended
to US ..o a religious man."
1.-The = have" he promptly growied.
They looked ut each other with conster-
nation depicted In their faces, and then
the old man said:
.'Capting, what church do you belong
to-" III
'.See here" roar0d the official, "if
1ou'ye come to bleed me for some charity,
or want me to sign petition, or expect
this boat to carry lot of dead-heads up
tireslake, won't stand it. What do you
want? Out with it, now, and no internal
chawiug around. I'm blanked if amt
bothered by more dashed lunatics than
any other blanked man Oh the dashed
lakes"
Man and wife retired to consult, and
after getting ten feet away the woman
said: .H..
"Henry, he's not religious Man,"
"Well, dunno"
"But he swears like pirate"
"les, Maria, but you sec this Is out
West. We don't swear and belong TO
church too up in New Hampshire, but
they do differently out here. lie swears,
but he looks like u man to depend on in a
Storm"
"Shan't we look for another:"
Il guess not, Maria. l guess the reli-
gions out here in Michigan are kind o
stretchy, an they low swearing on steam
boats and around the depots. Wen go
by this boat, and If hs don't swear any
harder than he did to US mebbe Providence
will let him squeeze through on the uptrip
and sink him when he comes down"
Two Chicago girls held their breath SO
long that one of them tainted and could
with difficulty be restiscitated. We sup
pose some young man unexpectedly called
after all onion supper.
"what are you going 20 DO when you
grow up if you don't know how to cipher"
asked bachelor OF u slow boy. Il AN go
lug to be school teacher and make the
boys DO the ciphering," was the reply.
You may say what you please, but there
is luck In hOrseshoes. A man nailed one
up OH his fence not long since, and week
afterwarJ his wife, who used to wear out
the furniture on him, eloped with friend
to whom he was owing forty dollars.
..E .
D1SfEISlA.-lIISaW we'll colsioitsuCd istSt,
that multitude OF human ailments arise
from indigestion, and there are thousands
to-day, suffering from combination Of
diseases brought about by this single cause
without knowingit. They imagine that
they have every conceivable disease. 10 all
such. would say, the use Of n few bottles
OF The ''Sevcn Springs Mass" nninufac-
tured by Landrum Il Litchfeld, Abing-
don, Va.,. is just what you need. 1t will
restore your digestive organs TO their nor
NAL function, sooner than anything else
You can use. WillimprOve your appetite,
and give vigur and energy to your whole
being. Price. 81 per bottle, or for s.,
post paid.