National Republican., 1883-06-23

GRht,"
Said girly-girl 10 her shianeed one eve,
~ scream when alone in the darkness At home,
And thus the monotonous silence relieve;
scream when in bed that should wake all tho
dead,
Ifmy sleep is disturbed by horrld old dream,
And when after tea, you drop in to ask me
To stroll With you out in the moonli2ht. ics
cream" Salem Sunbeom.
ComsiENcEMENTs are beginning to end,
thank heaven.
EVERYBODY, says the Picdulne, guessed
what the music Of the future might be when
Wagner had his dog buried with him.
WHEN Gen. Crook was young he was fond
Of swinging Indian cubs.--Nep York Commercial
Advertiser. Question now is about swinging In.
dian cubs.
If John L. Sullivan should want o degree
from Harvard college, the trustees would hesitate
long time between honoring slugger and being
knocked out-hep Orleans Piedvune.
A SPRINGFIELD, ILL.,, maiden seized a
bucket OF water and doused member OF the
legislature because he winksd at her. The pun
ishment was greater than he could bear.
The considerate Courier-Journal. In India
the wife cooks the dinner, the husband eats all he
wants, and them If anything is left the wife eats
This looks hard, but It should be remembered
that it gives the lady more time for converse
tlon.
LADY PAGET says that person with big
nose should wear much hair at the back OF the
head so as TO re-establish the balance. The New
Orleans Picayune requests Lady Paget TO say what
bald headed man establishes by wearing a full
beard.
"YEs," remarked Briggs country cousin,
you have splendid houses in the city but then,
you know, you have to give them up two or three
| mr. tha 4, tho a,,A A..
and dine off salt pork and stale berries in the
country."-Boston Transcript.
"Now, Edith" said her mother, you are
going to be good girl to-day and act like little
lady, aren't your" "Yes, mamma, replied Edith,
adding after n few moments silent oogtation,
"what makes 90 say "ate lady mamma? Is it
cause Dig ladies act so awful 7'-Boson Tran
script
THE Thomas concerts in Sau Francisco
were highly successful. At the last matinee the
audience insisted on an encore from Miss Thursby,
but after she had repeatedly acknowledged the
| applause Thomas went on amid storm OF hisses.
At the conclusion Of the concert tho excited au-
dience vented Its spleen iii more hisses
AS LITTLE Johnny was coming into the
rear side door Of his house. 1t being muddy out
side, his mother asked; Ibid you wipe OF your
feet2' "No, ma'am," responded johnny. "why
not2 asked the mother. "'Cause If did
wouldn't have any feet, that's tho reason.
wiped OFF my shoes, though. Kentucky Journal
An English magazine writer says the man
OF the future will bo hairless and toothless. This
will be pretty rough on the coming man, unless
the beefsteak OF the future is much moro tender
than the average article now Sold and he will
have good excuse for being brought up on the
bottle from infancy until old age--Novistosn
Herald.
| A CHAPPAoUA woman has introduced q
new burglar alarm which is simple and most Of
fective. The other night she heard somebody try
ing to get IN the house; so, selling large dinner
bell she thrust 1t out OF the window and rang It
violently. Her efforts were crowned with success,
for she frightened away three men who the same
night had robbed neighbor. Hereafter anybody
hearing dinner bell ring at midnight will uu-
derstand what 1t means and act accordingly.
~ FEEL so tired this mornin' can hardly
lift my arrum to my head" "Why, you seemed
TO sleep soundly, Mr. o'Fagan; you ought to fec
refreshed" "Yis, colonel, ought to be feellnl
refreshed, but amt It's sawin' wood that is the
fAtagin' occupashun." "sawing wood! Why.
, when have you been saving woodY" swim
I have I, isit? shure an dhramed that was
sawln' wood the whole blssed night, an didn't
, have aven piece OF bacon to erase the saw with
!. feel broke up intircly."-7eras Stfttnos.
I WHEN Mr.. Topnoody had settled down after
supper Thursday evening his wife, after a few
preliminary coughs, remarked: Mr.. Topnoody,
have you thought anything about whore we would
u spend the summerr' "Yes, my de IT, have given
Q the subject some deliberation." "And have you
n decided on place, dear ?" eyes, love, have. /"
"oh, you sweet thing Where is 1t TO be ?" at
a home, love; the dearest place on earth the con-
= servatory Of our affections, in which bloom the
freshest, falrest flowers of hope and happiness
. contentmont, and satisfied serenity"-7he Drum.
: nler.
n THIS is the time of year when such para
n graphs as this ap pa In the rural weekies: Col
John smythe. of smytheville, was in town yester-
" day, and during his brief stay was introduced TO
n number OF our leading citizens. He called at the
g Buole Office. Mr. 5my the is an educated gentle
l. man. OF fine address, and II nominated for auditor
& general by the state convention viii make q
i ktrong canvass" After Smythe leaves the Buolc
o once, the writer OF the personal will quietly
Z observe: "Why the old fool, he has no more show
Of the nomination than tho man In the moon. -
NOrriStol0n Herald
Al THOMAS" said a gentleman to colored
= Whitewater at the central market yesterday,
"cau put entire confidence In you 2" "Yes
10 sab" "Well, then, I've half an acre of water.
a. melons out at my farm, on Woodward avenue y
T. "Yes, sab jess so. sab. Am dat all, sah2" IAN
I, except that wanted to say that depend on you
not 10 say word TO any Of your colored friends
n' about It," "No, sah--no. sab, not q word
70 me whAr I got dem melyons, I'll put 'em on d.
70 wrong smell. sah-some smell way ober in Ken.
" dedy dy"-Detron Free Press
Ia "I HAVE made it rule through life," h,
is said Gt the lunch table tho other day 70 the man
ID his len "neyer to meddle with another ma 4
business" "Thats right, perfectly right" wa
the reply. "But see you have new coufiden
ual clerk" "Yes, sir-yes." "He's hard look
Of ing case. Two seen him drunk dozen times, ant
n wouldn't trust him out OF my sight with nickel
in Took him in out Of charity, eh 2" "Well, al
A. together, you know He happens to be my oldes
SON." Then there was period OF science so pain
IN ~ ful that botn wished some one would yell Fire
- TO break it, Val Street NelgS
70 I" Do YOU live at the next. staton?" asket
TO a rough looking traveller lof precise appearing
n man with standup collar. ~ do" was the 70
IL. sponse "Di they sell liquor on sundaysP 'caus
me and my friends are liable TO stop of" "I an
sorry 70 say they do But you don't want an
"a liquor. Suppose you come 10 my Sunday sohoo
with mei" what kind Of game is that9
querled the mystiaed questioner. The pleasant
aa est game in the world" replied the other anx
iously; come and try It." Idon't know" sal
IN the rough man doubthlly, pulling out dollar
IN That's all I've got but you look IA though yo
~ dealt square. What's the limit2 "-Drakss 7fas
~ tler's Aagasiae.