Middletown transcript., 1883-03-09
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FRIDAY AFrERNooN, MAR. 9, 1883.
CHIPS.

When a man is not good for anything
else, he is just about right to put on q
jury.-Teras Settings.
Here's a pretty fix. The Govern
ment doesn't know what to do with the
Weather Bureau and the people don't
know what to do with the weather.
Nelg Hage1l Register.
1t takes but thirteen minutes to lead
an elephant on train, while it takes
twenty for any sort Of woman to kiss
her friends good by and lose the check
for her trunk. Rome Sentinel.
"Liquor, said the lecturer, " is re-
sponsible for much Of the misery in this
world.'' "That's so," said an old
topper in the audience. II am always
unhappy when 7 can't get it.-Phila.
Chronicle Herald.
Rev. DR.. Hall said that every rock
was a sermon, when boy was stealing
apples from Mr.. Halls orchard. When
the boys father subsequently asked him
why he limped, he replied that he was
struck with one Of MI. Halls sermons.
Cambridge Tribune.
A lady has written a story called
"My Husbands Secret" 1t is sup
posed she discovered it by sneaking
softly down stairs and peeping through
the keyhole when he brought from its
hiding place bottle labeled "cough
mixture. NorristoeUn Herald.
The most graceful walker, says an
English fashion critic, is a woman with
her hands and arms free. But being
a graceful walker is hardly inducement
enough to prompt a woman to refuse
the disposal Of her hand when the right
fellow comes skirmishing around
YoRkers Statesman.
Clergymen ought to be very careful
in the choice Of language or serious re-
suits may ensue. " My brethren, 7 said
one lately, II will now pass, and be-
fore he could proceed sleepy hearer in
the front pew suddenly started into life
and cried out, "Then / make it spades
and play it alone. '-Nea0 York Herald.
Louisville has discovered that women
are particularly fitted to be drug clerks,
and number are already employed in
the best stores. The fact that some
men are compelled to take nothing but
wink syrup in their soda will now have
the effect Of keeping the Louisville
courts pretty active with breach Of
promise SUITS YonkerS Statesman.
a customer from the backwoods
called at a local dry goods store and
bawled out: II wanter git pair Of
them muskeeter kid gloves for a gal. 7
The clerk showed him the musquetairre
style, and the customer said Them's
um. Now give us pair that'll fit a
five-and-a-half foot gal, who is slender
as fence rail. - Whitehall Times.
King Oscar, Of Sweden, has had his
salary cut down some eighty thousand
crowns, that leaves him an income Of
only 50, 1000 year. For a light,
weight king like Oscar that is pretty
fair wages, and we would advise hin
to save some Of it, for there's no telling
what may happen. There is a good
deal of talk now of paying kings by tht
piece instead Of by the year.-TeTdi
SJftings.
"Were you ever arrested for drunk
enness ~ inquired an insurance agent
Of a prospective policy taker. No
sir; always know when I've dranl
all I can carry and then I quit. ~
swell, how do you know when you've
got enough ?" 20, go out into. tn,
street and look around. If | cal
easily tell the difference between a drug
store and horse car, know I'm al
fright, and good for another drink, anC
can always find my way home withou
the help of a lamp post. "-NeW Yorl
Commercial.