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South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
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The Voliaic Belt Go. Marshall, Mich,
will send DR. Dyes Celebrated Electro
Voltaic Belts C Electric Appliances on
rial for thirty days to men (}ouug or
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bility Los', Yitslty and Kindred
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no risk Is incurred ~ thirty days trial
is allowed.
u You desire a Pure WHISPER, distilled from
Rye oaly and Of grea age, call for Rosenhsim' 9
Springdaie. FIR sale by Patrick Hnrphy. two
doors north Of hart Hotel, Winchester, Va.
a very old lady on her death bed. in
n penitential moo1, sail: Il have been
a great sinner for more than eighty
years, AMI didn't know IT, an old
colorcd woman, who had lived With her
for long time. exclaimed. Laws, I
knowed il all do time.
The boy who ten years ago used to
box the girls ears in school now smacka
their mouths in the parlor.
Fishing is called angling because 90
mary crooked stories arc told about H..
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
1888.
Harpers Young Ptopis,

AN ILLUSTRATED wEEKLY-;s PAGES.
SaiIed 10 Boys and Uiis o. from six TO six cen
Years o: Age.
Vol. ". commences November I, lisa
The Young Propis has been from the 6gst sue
cessinI beyond alncip iipn.-N Y. Eve &c t
III has distinct purpose, TO which II steHdil Y
adheres-taa namely. of suppl .ntiug the vi
cious papers Ia tiie young with is,pot moro IT.
irncdse, ns well rs more wholesome - Bus.oa
journal
For ne Ia ss, elegance OF eo2rsving. and con
tents generally IL is ursurptssei by am pno.
licaiion o: tie kind yet brought ID our IL,
iice. Pittsburgh Caz.tie.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
liarrer's Young People, : ., s,
Per Year, Postage Pre- d, - w.

Single Numbers, Fonr Cents eIcn
Specinen copy seat receipt Of three Csnls
The Volumes of llsrper's YouCg Feeble for
1853 ard 1882, hand soniely bound in .iinp.ina.
ted Cloth. viii DO sent by fnail, pOsiage prepaid
on receipt Of 80 90 each. Cover for Youag l'eo.
pie for - 2 s. cts. postage. IL cts additional
VeD,i tsLces should be made by Post-Olic &c
Money Order or Draft, 10 svoid chances Of loss
Newspapers are not To- copy this advertise
meni without the express ordsr OF Harper 4
Brothers. Address
HARPER & BROTHERS.
N)y. 81 1882 NJ York
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

WOWER IND RE4PER
the leading harvester Of the world. Superior L,
all others In The principles of rs construction
iis average durability Is double that Of other.
with less than half their cast to keen in repair.
The Chiefiain SELF dump. lock-lsyer Sulky i,sk.
saves expense Of one hand by bunching the Lay
In tha w.nsuw high wheels and strong. You
can't afford TO do without il. Seni for ercu-
lar Ten -botse power
Standard & Traction In zines
enaranteei to give sufficient powct 10 ran saw
mills With 36 To % inch SAWS. l.a,es; i'm.
proved Threslers, TO 10 horses. The new Gel.
e1feted lisht-runnihg portable SAW MILLS,
lor -sean or water. The wonderful
ODDenheiJl1 D0ubke BnG6U.
changeable IN nn instant lscm a mai sinyl.
buggy 10 Mica roomy catrisgc. Took Grtt
premium nj the Cumbef!and fair. The p,emilm
light-runnng phosphate. grain and grass seed
Drills, splendid Hay aud Csttle Scses n,lly
wsrfsniei, for $40 gum aud leather oolling,
water pipe aud fruit dFysrs aud any other srli
G!e you want
L X. CARSHAD0N.
Keyser, West Va.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

'Brudder Gladstone, said colored
preacher, earnestly, 4 hope you have
don gon' an got DE- linin' 90 your hat
fixed, cos de las time you paost 1t rom
for de colleckshun sun oh de breddren
'!owd dat dey haddent no 'spicions Of
your honesty, but sum oh do money
might git underneaf do liDin' an it's
q long time between sundays, an there's
o chicken fight once in while 90 lead
a brudder with money as'ray. RI you
haint got 1t fxeG yet, you kin take my
hat and pass it 'ronnd.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

lie WAS SATIsFIED.-A young sOcie-
ty swell recently took advantage OF
sunny afternoon 10 call on one Of The
Chicago bellies for the purpose Of invi-
ting her to the theater. As the Young
lady in question was not in her sister
undertook 10 entertain the young gen.
tleman.
After the usual limited round Of go
cie'y topics had been talked over lhc
gentleman took he lady to task for her
frequent adjectival appellalion Of dear
ana darling in speaking Of her aver
ring thnt in bis opinion it was affected.
The young lady laughingly denied this
1T this moment The absent sister was
teen returning, and The incredulous
young man proposed 20 put tic matter
to test by concealiug himself behind
the cGriai aud thus oyerhear their
COW rsa'ion unhampercd by society re-
strlc'ions. The young lady asgented to
THIS plan with evident willingness, and
tho doubter was tffeclually concealed
IN tho lace maze5 Of the curtain.
Why, my dear, how long Won have
boon absent salt she TO tho ,e,urnine
sister AZ she entered The parlor. You
dear darling, why did you not come
soonorf'
Well responded the matter Of Fl
belle, what in the world il the matter
with you? are you crazy?'
The young man grinncd in triumph
behind the curtains; Lu, now came the
willy yong lady's turn.
Ny dear said she. you don't know
what you have missed. Mr.. A. was
here TO invite you TO tho theater.'
Don't |, was the rcponse. Il am
glad ! was absent lIe is the silliest
young man in Chicggo.'
There was a smoihered groan like the
cry OF Polonins, behind the curtain
Chieogo Inter OCEAN.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
ROrGH ON RATS.

Clears out rats, mice, reaches, flies
ants. bod-bugs, skunks, chipmunks. 60
shers. 15c.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

gee week in your own town Terms aud
ROOt s. OUTFIT free. Address HALLET h
Co Portland Maine
April !, 1882 ~.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

a baby carriage is sometimes called
a cry-cycle.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

The finest on The market IS Roscnbeim's cele
brated Springdale whiskey. For sale by Pat
rick Murphy, two doors north Of Hart Hotel
in Winchester, Va
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
NOTICE It..

A LII Teisons Indebted 60 The urGe rsiessd
N will piesse come forward and settle thei
Hcco unts by he l5ih a. January, 1888. A
ihi5 is ibe 6rst time IN tour ears we hsvc cell
ed upon our customers fr setIleueat, We
hoisthcy will promptly come forward
Il f<uSScII ~ Bro
Romnty, Dee Is 1852.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
W.T. AND xsU ,1os..


4 Western Congressman who was Oh
his wsy homo stopped a. srsii town
an Ohio for several hours aud while
there was approached by a farmer who
asked:
What's wool going to be worth this
season.
Indeed 10 not know
'Whca: going to be highere'
4 can't cay
DO you look for any rise in oats or
taters?'
Il have not given them thought
well, do you think we, had better
hold on TO corn and hay for spell
YETI .,n
i cant advise you, my friend as
~ You are in Congress, amt you?'
Yes sir
And sou help run the Government
TO some extent
And this ere country is in the hands
OF men who can't even tell whether
cranberries will turn ou, half crop. lor
buckwhcat sell at fifty cents or five
dollars hundredp Great Godi No
wonder this country is wrong side up
half the Tine
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

SOMETHING IN THE BED.-Judee PIT
MAN las habit Of slipping his watch
under his pillow when he goes TO he1
One night somehow it slipped down,
and AZ the Judge was restless it worked
its way down toward tic foot Of the
bod. After n bit, while he WAS living
awake, lis foot touched it it felt very
'ooid; lie was surprised, scared, and
Jumping from the bed re said.
Ny gracious, Maria, there's toad
Oh 81 melting under the covers.
touclic, it With my foot
Mrs. A"itman gave loud scream and
was on "a. re floor in an instant
Now. { 'on't 60 hollering and waking
mp the ma. ghhorhood,' said the JUDGE
You got broom or something, and
Wen FIX the thing, mighty quick
Mrs, Pitm IN got the broom and gave
it to the judi ,e. with the remark thai
che felt rs tla ough snakes were creep
ing up aEi dw IN her legs and back.
'Oh, nonsut ,se. Maria! Now, turI
down The cove rs slowly while | holt
the broom and bang it. Put buckle
of water alon eside OF the bed so tia
We can shove it in and drown it,.
Mrs. PitDan fixed the bucket anl
gently removed the covers. The Judge
held the broom uplifted, and as Tia,
black ribt0H of the silver watch wa
revealed, lo cracked away at it tire,
or :our tines with Tie broom; then ht
pushed tie thing off into the bpCt.et
Then they took the light to inves. igat
the matter. When the Jadge saw villa
it was he said
Il might have knoaa; it's Jus. lik
you woman TO 60 sereecdlng and fuss
ing abont nothing. les utterly ruined
1t was yoa that made the fuss, no
me- saia Mrs. Pi,man. You nocdn'
try 70 put tue blame on me-
Then the Judge turned in AMI growl
ell ut Maria until he fell asleep.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

countrymen STEPPED into Broad
street fruit store and invested in a mic
kles worth Of chestnuts. In about half
nm hour he returned and handed the
proprietor one OF the nuts. What does
this nean? asked the dealer Well
remarked the customer, that is The on
iy sound chestnut found in the pint I,
and SO thought you had put it in by
mistake. i am "A honest man and
don't want to take q mean advantage
OF q fellow fr
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
Grant or 'rilden /!

VOU will consult your own inierest by se,a.
4 ing TO Inc for circulars of tue toiloaiog
machinery, az, before laying Being myself !,
practical farmer, with IS years experienee in
The sale of machinery, aud making the latest
improvements in that line specially / viii guar.
anlee satisfaction, lew rates and liberal terms
The BHc!seye
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12

We make specially of Boots and Shoes.
namd made Boots we warrant to give satisfaction Our stock full
ana complete and we Offering meus' boots
w. our 81 90 Wonen shoes cannot be surpassed That
drens shoes and islands all prices
In addition to Fail stock have lately bought bargains in
prints woreds and will sell all
est. Prints from 7cens. :, - - = x
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-01-12
Our stock of Groceries

are complete good and cheap first class coffee cen
gotten IN new New Orleans New Orleans
moasse aud several grades o fines yrurs.
All kinds cook AID heating Stoves hand
low prices. of produce aSc, at highest
prices &c. Brick osuIe -.1l, 5
e. ks assseEH & BRO.
Roh. ney, Dec ], 1882.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-30
THICK SKINNED EGYPTIANS.

DIR. Dahrenberg writes in the Journal des
De6ate.' The Egyptians may be called
"thick skinned" in oil senses of the word, and
their nervous system is but very imperfectly
developed. They submit to the blows of
The cur6ache with admirable Indifference /;
they hardly feel them. 1t is very seldom
they are chloroformed previous to an ampu-
iation, and nevertheless the Arabic surgeons
perform such operations with shockingly
embellishments A red hot iron is used to
cauterize assesses. This method has good
results, and think we civilized physicians
might have recourse to it sometimes advan-
tageously. What hinders US mostly is the
acute pain consequent upon this operation
But that is no obstacle for the Egyptians I;
they hardly feel the redhot iron enter their
had been caused by the presence of very
long tllread-worm, and the patient really felt
no pain. But the Egyptians are very poorly
muscled; they are certainly an interior race,
not to be at all compared with our Algerian
Arabs, The author goes on to describe the
unftness of the Egyptians for hard work, his
irresolution, cowardice, and weak constitution
Nevertheless it seems that such insensibility
to pain must be as great blessing. Perhaps
insensibility is partly due to the fact that the
Egyptian people have been under the whip
for some 5000 years at least and probably
for 1000 When their native rulers did moi
whip them foreign ones did; and those con-
situations least sensitive to pain had naturally
the best chances of survival. -Neso Orleans
Times enso crat.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-30
A MfNLA' 8 FREAK.

A tall, broad-shouldered, gray-bearded
man from Montana, while viewing the sights
about town, strolled into one of the theatres
on State street the other evening and took a
seat near the stage. During the perform
ance he became deeply interested in one of
the group who were disporting on the stage.
The dark eyes Of the siren completely cnp-
tured the heart of the rugged miner, and he
lost no time in gaining an introduction to the
fair enslaver. He made an engagement to
meet her at rehearsal next day. The miner
was punctual in keeping his appointment
and waited patiently until the artist had fin.
ished her rehearsal. He then brusquely in
vited her to take q walk, and she, nothing
10th, consented. This promenade was prob
ably the most profitable one in which the
actress ever engaged, for her companion led
her into dry goods store, and without much
ceremony began purchasing such articles rs
he seemed to think she needed. Fine
hosiery and underwear, richly trimmed
cloak and handsome collar were among
the purchases which the man from Montana
made for the object of his affection. On
the following day another walk along the
leading street was taken by the pair, and rs
the snow was falling the generous man took
his companion to store, and bought her
gossamer cloak and pair of rubbers before
they left the place. He then requested the
woman to accompany him to the depot.
Arriving there the miner bestowed FOND
look on her and said, with smile:
"You think I'm funny fellow, now,
don't your Well, now, I'll tell you what I'll
do I've taken a fancy to you. If you'll
marry me and 60 to Montana I'll give you
$500 sealskin saeque. or course you needn't
go il you don't want to- 1t will make no
difference in my feelings for you il you
don't" Tho fayorte of the footlight
turned her head, hurriedly reviewed tho stu
alton, and replied:
81 don't think will accept youi offer"
Gan right; goodbye" exclaimed the
miner, as he hurried into the train, and thus
they parted.
On arriving at tho theatre that evening
the actress was informed that package was
there for her. 1t was found to contain a
Glove of hat" which she had admired
when out walking with the miner, and o
handsome morocco pocketbook well fille6
with gold pieces and bank notes. - Chicagt
Correspondent Lou,soite Courier. Journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-30
CATS AS CLOCKS.

The Chinese know the hour of the day by
gazing into the eyes of cats.
One day missionary, while promenading
in the suburbs of Nankin, found that he had
forgotten to take his watch with him, and
asked little boy what time it was
This gamin of the Celestial Empire hesita-
ted ct first then, as if o sudden thought
had struck him, replied, az will tell you in
a moment" After a few instants he re-.
turned carrying great big cat in his arms,
and looking it straight in the eyes, as they
say, replied without further hesitation, at
is almost midday" Which was precisely
true;
As for me-when lean over the beautiful
Feline, so well named, who is at once the
honor of her sex, the pride of my heart,
and the perfume of my mind-whether ii
be night, or whether 1t be day, in the full
light of noon or in opaquest shadow, within
the deeps of her adorable eyes l always SEQ
the hour distinctly, always the same hour,
IN hour vast, solemn, huge AZ Space, with
no division of minutes or seconds, an i'm
mobile hour unmarked upon any clock, and
nevertheless light AZ q sigh, rapid az a
glance.
And should any importunate person como
to disturb me while my eyes repose upon
this delicious idol-;f any evil and insulfer-
able Genius any Demon of contrariety
should ask me: "What dost gaze at 10
earnestly? What seekest thou in the eyes
of this being2 Dost see the hour therein, O
prodigal and idle mortal ?"-then would
unhesitatingly answer, "Aye, see the hour;
it is Eternity. "-Fyom the French Of Rau-
delaire.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-30
THE RuNKo GAME.

\ ean who thinks that without any
familiarity with the swindle that suddenly
confronts him. he can cope with its opera
tors " no have devoted much study and prac-
ticeto perfectingit, foolishly overrates his own
shrewdness. 1t struck me, for instance,
that if l should be taken into bunko den,
and the gamblers should accept my check
for the amount of my loss, would not be at
all concerned about it, because l could 60
straight TO the bank and stop payment.
When ! said this TO n detective, he replied,
You wouldn't do any such thing" Why
not2 Simply because that important point
in the swindle has been looked after by the
bunko men. / have never seen this feature
of their work described in print, and you
may care to use it. Whea the rascals get a
subject who has bank account, and lead
him into making check, they know very
well that he will lose no time in stopping
| payment on it. unless they manage by some
clever device to prevent him. This is the
way they do il: A newspaper lies folded
On the table, as though carelcssly thrown
down. When the check has been made out
and signed, the operator who receives it
places it between the folds of the paper, and
in that way blots it. Then he seems to take
it out and hold it up before his eyes to ex-
| anime it, but the real check has been left
concealed in the paper, and he has taken
out a blank one, previously placed there.
At this instant the stool pigeon, who is still
figuring as the innocent friend of the victim,
exclaims, "This is a swindle, and we won't
stand it." He snatehes the sham check
from his confederate's hand, tears it into
very small bits, and scatters them on the
floor. Now let us go out" Lo says.
There is pretense of barring the way, but
he and the victim are soon in the street
the latter profuse in his thanks for having
been rescued. Of course, he doesn't go near
the bank to stop payment on the check
which he believes to have been destroyed,
for he is not anxious to expose his verdancy
needlessly and tho swindlers thus gain time
10 go and get it cashed.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-30
WHAT THE DIVER SEES.

The first sensation in descending under
water in Il suit of armor is the sudden, burst.
ing roar in tho ears, caused by the air driven
into the helmet from tho air pump. The
flexible air hose has to be strong enough to
bear pressure of twenty five to fifty pounds
TO the square inch. The drum of the ear
yields to the strong external pressure, the
mouth opens Involuntary, the air PUSHES
in the tube and strikes the drum, which
snaps back to its normal state with sharp,
pistol-like crack. Peering through the Cog
gle eyes OF glass in his helmet, the diver sees
the strange beauties about him clearly, and
in their own calm splendor. Above him is
q pure golden canopy, while around and be-
side him are tints and shimmering hues,
including all colors which are indescribably
elegant The floor of the sea rises like a
golden carpet, inclining gently to the sur
face. The change in familiar objects is
wonderful. The wreck of o ship seems
studded with emcralds, gittering in lines of
gold piles of brick assume the appearance
of crystal; ladder becomes silver; every
shadow gives the impression of bottomlesa
depth.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-30
THE REPORTERS WORK.

OF the inside work of any business or pro.
fession the public is more or less ignorant.
Of all Others it confesses its ignorance, but
OF the reporters work it conceives theories
which are rather amusing, but much more
aggravating. The theory that number of
young mon are flying about the town gath
ering up notes, which some Office man
ticks into shape" is very common.
Another common theory is that the re-
portorial staff of each paper is turned loose
At certain hour each day to find out what
IS going on in the city, and that each indi.
vidual ono exercises his own secret will as tc
where he shall go or what he shall do. Sev,
eral times day the reporter hears some cit
izen say:
should think you fellows would get all
mixed up several Of you going to the same
place after the same thing" and occasional
", when the reporter happens around sew
eral hours after an important and unexpect
ed thing has happened, by diigent question
ing finds out all about it, and writes a
particularly vivid description, some citizen
asks, How did you happen to have man
there just in time ~
The most exasperating idea of the public
is that time cuts no figure in the reporters
work.
Come around in the morning; Mr..
Smith will be here at o'clock, and he'll be
glad to tell you all about il" says the court.
eous gentleman whom the reporter finds in
IL
wants to club the courteous gentleman for
not knowing that Mr.. Smiths story must be
ready for the printers before 1 o'clock the
next morning. Does the courteous gentle
man think, perchance, that the reporter is
getting information for some good, quiet
quarterly
People are sare that the reporter goes
everywhere and sees everything. They see
him on duty at the theater or convention,
and the impression is made that his time il
filled only by those public occurrences which
appear to be most pleasant and agreeable
things to make note of. The fact that he
works from four to eight hours longer every
day than the longest worked man in any
othor profession, and that therefore he has
not even time to attend to his own private
business, il not known. IL it were not that
the work is full of variety its hours would
kill him in year.
These people, with the queer questions
and tho funny notions of newspaper work.
are the ones who only occasionally come in
contact with newspaper men. There IRE
some hundreds of men, who never made a
report for n newspaper, who are unerring
guides az to the value OF news. They are
the men whom the reporter meets every day
and from whom he gets information the
city officers clerks of courts, railway Off.
cials and the like, who &c. every day enough
information TO fill volumes, out of which the
reporter picks few paragraphs or a column.
BY long acquaintance with the reporters
ways the informant comes to know lust
what he wants and gives it to him.