The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-04-20
VARIETIES.

-He-"Good.bye, Miss Smith, Pm sorry /
have to leave SO SOON" She-"I'm very sor-
ry too; but, still, parting is such sweet sor-
row."
lie doctor" said Joe Capp speaking
with large contempt of medical practtion-
er in his neighborhood 81 don't believe, lad,
he could cure ham,"
We have received some verses from an
unknown poet, beginning, "How can ease
my throbbing brow ?" Didyou ever try wet
rag bound round the headp
Jack (admiringly)-"You are a trump,
Miss Marian" Miss M.-"Why do you call
me such name as that ?" Jack Triumph
antly)-"Because of your taking tricks"
"A lady leaving home was thus addressed
by her little boy mamma, will you re-
member and buy me penny whistle? And
let It be religious one, so that can use it
on Sunday"
-Swifl's Stella in her last illness being Wis
tied by her physician, he said, MADAM, |
hope we shall soon get you up the hill again"
"Ah ~ said she, 81 am afraid before get to
the top shall be out of breath"
"A man who was arrested for cruelty
to n miserable looking horse was asked if he
ever fed him. Ever feed him? That's
good 'un," was the reply. "Hes got bush
e and half of oats at home now only he
amt got time to eat 'em."
Smith called at very fashionable house
on the avenue few days ago, and acted so
queerly that when ladys husband came home
she said "What is the matter with young
Smith? He acted so strangely Think there
must be n screw loose about him somewhere"
"Reckon not. l saw him this morning, and
he was tight all over"
America for the word "telescoped" as an
piled to the effect produced on railway car
riages on being run into by others; but if the
science of optics is to furnish us with
phrase by no means visionary, we submit
that 'collidescoped" would better express the
true nature of such catastrophes-
Friendly anecdotes are the order of the
day, but here is one where the Frenchman
got the better of even Quaker sharp wit =
Ridgway, the father of Madame Rush, also
rich banker, once losing his temper with Gil
rard, exclaimed pettishly, Friend Girard, |
can buy thee and sell thee" Friend Ridg-
way" said Girard, can buy thee and keep
thee"
AS Dicky Suett was entering the stage
door at Covent Garden Theatre one pouring
wet night he was tapped on the shoulder by
dun, who had been lying in wait for him,
ana VINO SAID, u DelleVe your name is Suett,
sir?" ooh nom replied Dicky, escaping
from the clutches Of the man, "Pm dripping"
Dripping happened to be the name of another
actor in the same company.
"A traveller in the Holy Land noticed
woman, heavily laden with domestic utensils
toiling up high hill, while her husband, sell
fish, proud, lazy and useless as an American
Indian, rode by her side on donkey com
paratively free from burden. The traveller
stepped up, moved by pity for the poor wo-
man, and asked the man why he didn't re-
lieve her and put some of the implements on
the donkey's back. The man cooly inform
ed him that he didn't have to pay anything
for wife, while a donkey cost him twenty
francs.
"A travel stained tramp was seen sitting
under the protecting agis OF stone-wall this
morning, with newspaper in his hand
yes" he remarked, sadly, Herbert is right !;
overwork is what is raising the deuce with
us Americans. If t want for few heroic
souls like me-mcn who feel that work Is not
the only thing to be sought for in this world
the country would soon be robbed of its
beauty and vitality, and the knell of the re-
public would speedily he tolled But as long
as | live it shall be my endeavor to stand as
n living rebuke to the spirit of unrest which
animates so many of our people, and which is
hiding SO many of our young and promising
men in early graves. Boston Transcript