Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-11-05

Matches are now low, but it seems a
pity to strike them when they are down.
The man who was kicked out of sea-
side resort was caught by the under-toe.
''Julius, seize her!" said Sambo, as
Julius was contemplating fat pullet by
moonlight.
A landslide is a portion of land sliding
down mountain. A land scape is some
that got away.
Boston girls never giggle. They mere
ly express their delight by dreamy, far
away, north-pole smile.
Recent post-mortem verdict "Died of
tubercles on the lungs" The man had
swallowed his suspenders.
One of the knowing heathen: A Hort
land (Oregon Chinese peddler refused an
English shilling offered as a two-bit piece,
saying: ''No good. Me heap sabe. No
chicken on him."
A man with two hearts has been dis
covered in Michigan, says a medical jour-
nal. And yet we suppose blind and un-
reasoning jury would send that man to
prison for bigamy.
A scientist asks: Chow was man dis
tributed on the earth?" Well, brother,
judging from a painful experience, we
would say it was by no means OF an in
sidious banana peel.
Almost any man will forget his ten-dol-
lar umbrella when he leaves a restaurant
but give woman parasol worth dol
lar and take her into fifty restaurants, and
she will not forget it once
Newly married husband: sThis is a
friend of mine, my dear-a friend of twen-
ty years standing" His bride: "Good
gracious. Then pray give him a seat,
for l am sure he must be tired
'Do you know why you and George
remind me of two shades of one color?'
asked young lady of companion who
had been engaged for good many years.
''No,'' was the reply. ''I'll tell you, then
it's because you don't match"
''No, sir" said the young lawyer who
was paying attention to fair maiden,
''no, sir, I don't like circuit court
There's no fun in being chased around
the house by a cross dog before getting
a chance to dive in the front door,"
pretty girl out west told her beau
that she was mind reader. ssYou don'
say so, he exclaimed. eyes," she said
'You have it in your mind to ask me to
be your wife, but you are just little
scared at the idea" Their wedding cards
are out.
Mrs. Summerbreeze's new girl was tolG
to ''watch that turnover while her mis-
tress ran across the street." When the
lady returned the turnover was burned te
crisp and the girl remarked: ''Sure
I've watched it, mum, but it hasn't turned
over yet"
A Los Angeles rancher has raised ;
pumpkin so large that his two children
use half each for cradle. This may
seem very wonderful in the rural districts
but in this city three or four full-growr
policemen have been found asleep on {
single beat.
A Chicago wife believes her husband
who has run away with pretty woman
is victim of overwork and mental anxiety
Ifhe had merely gone offon racket ant
come home drunk, she would probably
have considered it case to be treated
with a rolling pin.
A young lady made a narrow escape al
a fire in New York few nights since
About half of her back hair was burned.
Fortunately she was not in the building
at the time, having put on her other hail
and left the house only half an hour be
| fore the fire broke out.
twenty-five years ago young lady o
this town had singular dream. Sh,
consulted the dream book, and found tina
she would have four husbands before sh,
was thirty This made her rather indie
| pendent, and she is now an old maid O
forty-two, and has never had beau.
SsYou have very sweet lips," said
traveller to the fair damsel at five-min
Observation-Disclosures railroad restaurant
as he laid down sandwich on which b
could make no impression, 'sbut / mus
say | can't go your tongue!" Fortunate
ly the train started when it did, or th
traveller would have got more tongu
than he bargained for.
PITTsFoRD, Mass, Sept. %, 1878.
SIRs-I have taken Hop Bitters and recomrnen
/ them TO others, as | found them very beneficial.
MRS. j. W. TULLER