The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-08-03
HUMOR.

To BE tried for his life-The hen
pecked husband.
WHEN an Incorporate washerwoman
gets more than three sheets in the
wind she only half sees over the line.
DAVID slew Goliath with a sling
This proves that the Philistihe was
not temperance man.
THE potato, with all its eyes, is the
most susceptible of vegetables. 1t Is
80 easily mashed.
DOCTOR, how do you live to be SO
old and rich?" "By writing prescrip-
lions, but never taking them," was the
witty and sensible reply.
$50 YOU want to obtain my consent
to your marriage with my youngest
daughter, Gardiner" "Yes, sir, that
is my intention" We'll, but l have
got another daughter, an older one,
Emily, and have made it rule that
the man who don't want the oldest can't
have Caroline either. -TerGs SiJti'1gs.
AUNT ESTHER was trying to persuade
little Eddie to retire at sunset, using as
an argument that the little chickens
went to roost at that time. YES" said
Eddy, "but then, Aunty, the old hen
always goes with them"
"LooK heah. Thomas Jefferson, dis
heahs a nice time fo' you to be gittin'
homel" growled Aunt Polly, as her boy
came in long after midnight. "Oh,
g'longp retorted Thomas. "You dun
no muffin. Hadn't yo' neber hearn dat
de darky's hour is ies' befo' day?"
/ i 49,.
and one said to the other: I've put all
my dolls into deep mourning, and it's
so becoming to them! Come over and
see them" What did you do that for?'
ooh, we had c'lamity. Our dog got
killed and there didn't anybody care
but me and them. We've just cried our
eyes out" Then the other little girl
said in slow, deliberate tones: May
Wilson, amt you lucky, thought
There's always something happening
you'll"
Col. PERCY YERGER-"Great Casarl
another hat? You are the most extrav-
agant woman in Austin. Why, be.
lieve you have got different hat for
every day in the week" Mrs. Yerger-
"Why of course / hayei That's just it.
| have one for every day in the week,
but none for Sunday. l want an ex-
pensive one for Sunday. "-TerdS SIT
ingS.
A JAPANESE student in this country
wrote to his friend at Torkio, as fol-
lows There are two boating associ-
atoms, called Yale and Harvard. When
it rains the members read books" That
Japanese student can be terribly sar-
castle without sacrificing courtesy.
THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY
SEEM.
Only the leaf OF n Iosebub, a.
That fell 10 the ballroom floor,
Fell from the tinted cluster
OF the big bouquet she wore
Quickly he stopped and seized 1T,
lis the leafy of rose" said ne,
Tinted with summers bushes
And dearer tan gold TO me-"
Lovely and fragrant petal.
Some sweet summer night who knows
may have q chance to tell her
/ treasure the leaf of the rose
But when 10 his lips lie pressed it,
he muttered in accents wroth,
! The blamed thing Is artificial
And made out or cotton clothl"
~SOnteTUilie Journal
think of the future, Lizzie; what
have you to expect ?" That's just what
I've been doing, thinking of tn, future,
and l expect l shall have to skip off
some afternoon with Jim, get married,
and say nothing to any one until it's all
over. Then you and father can go on
the bridal tour, have your mad out,
come home and we'll board with you.
It's the easiest way to fix it. Hart
ford Journal.
A LAWYER retained in case of as
sault and battery was cross-examining
witness in relation to the force of
blow struck: What kind of blow was
given?" "A blow of the common kind"
Describe the blow" Il am not good
at description. "Show me what kind
of blow it was" Il cannot. You
must. Il won't" The lawyer APP
pealed to the court. The court told
the witness that if the counsel insisted
upon his showing what kind of blow
it was he must do so. do you insist
upon 2" asked the witness. Il do"
We'll, then, since you compel me to
show you, it was this kind of blowl"
at the same time suiting the action to
the word and knocking over the aston
ished disciple of Coke upon Littleton.
When the lawyer rose to his feet he
said he did not wish to ask the witness
any more questions.