The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1883-01-13
Mit and 9umor,
His Pa Kills Him.

''For heavens sake dry up that whist
ling" said the grocery man to the bad
boy, as he sat on a bag of peanuts whist
ling and filling his pockets. ''Say, what
was your pa running after the doctor In
his shirt sleeves for last Sunday morning?
He looked scared Was your ma sick
again ?"
30, no, ma is healthy enough, now she
has got a new fur-lined cloak. She played
consumption on pa, and coughed so she
liked to raise her lights and liver, and got
the doctor to prescribe fur-hned circular,
and pa went and got one, and ma has i'm
proved awfully. was the one that was
sick. You see, [ wanted to get pa into
the church again, and get him to stop
drinking, so | got a boy to write a letter to
him, in female hand, and sign the name
of choir singer pa was smit on, and tell
him that the church seemed blank with
out his smiling face and benevolent heart,
and to please come back for her sake Pa
got the letter Saturday night, and he
seemed tickled, but guess he dreamed
about it all night, and Sunday morning he
was mad, and he took me by the ear and
said couldn't come no Daisy business
on him. He said he knew l wrote the
letter, and for me to go up in the store
room and prepare for the almightiest lick
ing boy ever had; and he went down
stairs and broke up an apple barrel, and
got stave to whip me with. Well, L had
to think mighty quick, but [ was enough
for him. [ got dried bladder in my
room-one that me and my chum got to
the slotter- house-and | bowed it partly
up, so it would be sort of fiat like, and |
put it down inside the back part of my
pants, right about where pa hits when he
Furnishes me. Well, pa he came up and
found me crying. | can cry just as easy
as you can turn on the water at a faucet
and pa took off his coat and looked sorry.
I was afraid he would give up whipping
me when he seen me cry, and [ wanted
to 90 on with the bladder experiment, so
[ looked kind of hard, as if was defying
him to do his worst, and then he took me
by the neck and laid me across a trunk.
I didn't dare struggle much for fear the
bladder would lose itself, and pa said,
Now, Hennery, am going to break you
of this damfoolishness or | will break your
back and he spit on his hands and brought
the barrel stave down on my best pants.
Well, you'd dide if you had heard the
explosion. 1t almost knocked me off the
trunk. 1t sounded like firing fre-crack-
er away down cellar in barrel, and pa
looked scared. | rolled off the trunk on
the floor, and put some -four on my face
to make me look pale, and then [ kind Of
kicked my legs like fellow who is dying
on the stage after being stabbed with
piece of lath, and groaned, and said, Pa
you have killed ME, but [ forgive YOU
and then l rolled around and frothed at
the mouth, cause had piece of soap in
my mouth to make foam. Well, pa was
all broke up. He said, Great God, what
have | done? I have broke his spinal
column. o, my poor boy, do not die. l
kept chewing the soap and foaming at the
mouth, and drew my legs up and kicked
them out, and clutched my hair, and rolled
my eyes, then kicked pa in the stummick
as he bent over me and knocked his breath
out of him, and then my limbs began to
get rigid, and I said, "Too late, pa, [ die
at the hands of my assassin. Go for
doctor" Pa throwed his coat over me
and started down stairs on a run, saying,
Il have murdered my brave boy and he
told ma to 90 up stairs and stay with me,
cause had fallen off trunk and ruptured
a blood vessel, and he went after the doc
tor. When he went out the front door |
sat up and lit Il cigarette, and ma came
up, and | told her all about how | fooled
pa, and if she would take on and cry when
pa got back, would get him to 60 to
church again and swear off drinking, and
she LATED and said she would. So when
pa and the doc came back, ma was sitting
on velocipede | used to ride, which was
in the store-room, and she had her apron
over her face, and she just more than bel
lowed Pa he was pale, and he told doc
that he was just playing with me with
little piece of board, and he heard some
thing crack, and he guessed my spine got
broke falling off the trunk. The doctor
wanted to feel where my spine was broke,
but I opened my eyes and had vacant
sort of stare, like a woman who leads a
dog by string, and looked as though my
mind was wandering, and [ told the doc
tor there was no use sitting my spine, as
it was broke in several places, and [
wouldn't let him. [ told pa that [ was
going to die, and wanted him to promise
me two things on my dying-bed. He
cried and said he would, and told him
to promise me ..he would quit drinking
and attend church regular, and he said he
would never drink another drop and he
would 90 to church every Sunday. l
made him get down on his knees beside
me and swear It; and the doc he witnessed
it, and ma said she was SO glad, and ma
called the doctor out in the hall and told
him the joke, and the doc came in the
room and told pa he was afraid pas pres
ence would excite the patient, and for him
to put on his coat and go out and walk
around block or to 60 to church, and ma
and he would remove me to another room
and do all that was possible to make my
last hours pleasant. Pa he cried and said
he would put on his plug hat and 60 to
church, and he kissed me and got flour
on his nose, ana came near lauS hinS
right out, to see the white -four on his red
nose, when thought how the people in
church would laugh at pa. But he went
out feeling mighty bad, and then l got up
and pulled the busted bladder oat of my
pants, and ma and the doc they laughed
awful. When pa got back from church
and asked for me, ma said [ had gone
IL
my spine was only uncoupled, and he
coupled it together, and I was all right.
Pa said it was almighty strange, cause
heard the spine break when struck him
with the barrel stave' Pa was nervous
all the afternoon, and ma thinks he sus
poets that we played it on him. Say, you
don't think there is any harm in playing it
on an old man little for a good cause,
do you ?'-Peck's SIN.