Morning journal and courier., 1883-12-20
: HORRORS.

Another hotel horror, as the man said when the hash was set before him.-Cottage City Star.
 Ths Quick and the Dead-rhe messenger boy-what he claims to bs and what he is.- Puck.
 Cincinnati has more sausages and fewer cats than any other city in the Union Lowell Citizen.
 We believe it was Boston girl who re- marked that the remains were beautifully upholstered. ."-Puok.
 Nerve" said Tawmus, sswhy, he's just full of nervei Why, when he caught me kiss ing his wife, he wasn't at all embarrassed. "- Boston Post. Somdeteh Phra Paramindr Maha Chulalon Korn Phra Phula Ohorn Klad is still king of Siam, and refuses to change his name to Smith--LouisVille Courier-J ournal 'sA Young Wife's Greatest Trial' is prob- ably to find out whether it would be proper to starch her husbands shirt all over or only the bosoms and cuffs.-Fall River Advance This is an age when children hang up their stockings by the mentelpiece and wonder how in creation Santa Claus can get through those little holes in the register.-Philadel- phia Call.
 A great many editors have lately been de- voting themselves to defining the art and
  examples, as we do not care to expose our ignorance on that subject.-Lowell Citizen. Bangor (Me young man broke his en- gagement. alleging that his sweetheart couldn't cook. She replied that she could 'cook herring" and ''you know alarmed well that them's all you can afford to pay for" 'tAlice," said Mrs. Petulia, in 8 subdued tone, to her little girl one evening at supper, ''you must eat bread with your jam" But,  enough without bread. ."-Herpers Bazaar When Boston girl gets miffed at her hus- band she says: Base tyrant, I shall leave thee and fly to my father" When western girl becomes similarly affected. she simply remarks, stOld man, I'm going to git up and git; and if yor don't like it, just climb up on Jour eyebrows and soc if you can stop me.'' A country clergyman who recently preach ed in an Austin church is an sdmirer of the writings of Charles Dickens, and quotes from his novels almost as often as he does from the Bible He surprised his congregation by winding up gorgeous peroration with: 1t is thus you sec, my brethren, as the scriptures say, 'Barkis is willin', but the flesh is weak" Texas Siftings.
 SONG OF THE ALL-wooL SHIRT. My father bought an undershirt,
 Of bright aud flaming red
 ttAll wool, I'm ready to assert,
 Fleece-dYed," the merchant said.
 ''1our R1zs 1s th1rty-eig thlnRi
 forty you should get,
 Since a'l-wool goods are bound to shrink
 A tride when they're wet.'
 That shirt two weeks my father wore
 Two washipgS, that was all
 From forty down to thirty-Sour
 It Rhrank like leaf in fall
 wore it then day or two,
 But whsn t as washed again
 My wife said, ''Now twill only do
 For little brother Ben.'
 Afortni2ht Ben squee zed into it,
 At last he said it hurt.
 We put it b2be-the fit
 Was good any shirt.
 We ne'er will wash it mere while yet
 We see it's hickeripg light.
 For if again that Shirt is vet,
 Twill vanieh from our sight.
 Chicago News. man is very like gun, That fact please try to fix;
 For if he finds he's charged too much. Why, that's the time hs hicke.
 -YonEers Statesman.