Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1883-08-30
PLEAsANTRlEs.

1890
derful oil that will restore youth to old
age, etc. It must be species of Olive
OIL Philadel,'hia Bulletin.
AFTER concentrating the whole force
of its gigantic intellect upon the subject,
the Chicago Inter Ocean digs up the fact
that the potato is the most susceptible
of vegetables because it is so easily
mashed. ssaB.4sa III,
AoANApIAN contemporary asks: Does
Goodwin Smith now stop right there,
please. Gold wins great many per-
sons, but when you tackle the Smiths
you've got a large family to purchase. -
Boston Star. .t,se,s /
MEN grumble because cabbageis used
as substitute for tobacco in cigars, but
they would probably grumble more if
the best Havana tobacco should be served
with their corn beef rs substitute for
cabbage.-Puck.
A YOUNG man urged, as one Of the
reasons why a girl should marry him,
that he had a collection of over 400 DIFF
ferent kinds of wood. She said if it was
kindling wood she'd think of it.-Bm-
lington Ha,okeye.
A CONTEMPORARY says: I" In selecting
wife, choose one that will not fade.
What would he have man do? Ask a.
girl before he marries her if she paints /?
Boston Budget. No. Ask her if she
will wash.-Cin. Com. -
THE woods were full Of woodcock
gunners on Wednesday. One veteran
sportsman shot ve.-Newburypor
Herald. Five woodcock gunners bagged
in one day must be good thing for the
birds. .-LoweU Courier.
The whole police force of Denver is
placed at the command of ex-senator
Tabor, because he thinks his life is in
danger. Poor Taborl Perhaps some
body is trying to steal the pattern of
his ruffled night-robe. ~ Y. Com.
A DUDE passed down Merrimack
Street the other afternoon, and a small
boy who saw him at once called out to a
friend on the other side: "Hi, Jimmie,
dyer see that? Where's the hand
organ he belongs to o?"-Lo,OeU Citizen.
A PENNSYLVANIA Clergyman is pitch
or in baseball nine. His congregation
has forbidden him to play in match
games, and the captain of the nine
thinks of getting even by forbidding him
to preach only for fun. Hartford Post.
"PA, is English dead language
most living Of all languages.S "Well,
heard so often about English having
been murdered. ."-Linauistic Leuity.
elbow old is the dog?" was asked of
colored man. elf he lives to see
the 5th OBJ next June, sah, he will be de
oldest dog on de plantation" "And If
he don't live until then" "He'll be
dead, sab. "-Ark. 7Tav.
AT the funeral-First friend: "Yes,
DR.. Jalap told him he must take
rest, but Charley kept right on"
Second friend: "Ah, but DR.. Jalap is
not a man to be triHed with. He had his
way. He always Does"
Bronson A1coTT suffers from q sort
OF aphasia, such as Emerson had in the
last years of his life, and cannot find the
words he wishes to use. Aphasia, by
the way, doesn't trouble man when he
jams his thumb in q door.-Boston
Post.
SPEAKING OF the house of lady who
does not intend to spoil her children by
sparing the rod. somebody remarked
how neat and clean everything was.
eyes," said Mr.. Fogg, everything is
like whacks work. "-Boston Tran
script.
A FEW miles above Athens, Ga,
lives man who eats in one county,
sleeps in another, smokes, when sitting
on bis piazza, in q third, and has built
his barn in fourth. He certainly has
corner in counties.-NcW York Id
uertiser.
A YOUNG miss Of 16 asks what is the
proper thing for her to do when she is
serenaded by party of gentlemen at
late hour. We are glad to be able to
answer the question. Steal softly down
stairs and unite the dog.-Rochester
Post Express. t5s5
"YoU must battle regularly" said a
Springfield physician gravely as he
looked at the patients tongue and felt
his pulse. "But, doctor, I do" said
the sick man; "I go in swimming regu-
larly every Fourth of y."-,Spring-
fetd CO., Ne,os.
HAVE you got any four clocks in
your flower garden asked one Somer-
villo gentleman of another. "Four-
o'clocks?" was the reply; "no, sir,
there is no four. clocks about mine; it
is all day with my flowers; the hens
have been at 'em. ."-Son,erUilLe JoAr-
,aGl.
The craze on electrical study is begin
ming to bear fruit. care you the con-
ductor?" asked lad on an excursion
train. 81 am," replied the courteous
official, "and my name is Wood"
"Oh, that can't be, said the boy, :" for
wood is q non conductor. ."-BOston Bul-
letin.
EFFECTS of the strike: Thunder
and lightning! What's this? Brown
& Co. telegraph for 100 dozen elephants.
Must be going into the show business"
"That's all right" said his partner;
"they want 100 dozen elegantes, that
new brand, you know "-Hartford
Post.
Six lovely school ma'ams were out
rowing on the placid Monongahela re-
Gently. A bold, wicked man on shore,
who was bad boy a few years ago, in
stead of taking off his hat as the boats
went by, simply remarked: "Behold
the whaling Aeet!"-Pittsburg Tele-
graph.
WHEN Shootwell died, the boys
clubbed together to buy him tomb.
stone. They couldn't agree upon the
inscription. Fogg suggested this:
I" His gun never missed fire. Let us
hope he may be like his gun" But this
was considered somewhat personal, and
was rejected without a division. : Boston
Transcript.
"WHAT makes yer act dat way ?"
asked old Nelson of his wife as she turn
ed and looked at woman who passed
along the street. II wanster see what
she's got on" the woman replied.
"Now, amt dat a fine trick? Wanster
see what she's got on. Doan think dat
she's got any OBJ yerself's clothes, does
yer2 Think dat she's been stealth some
thin, reckon. Come on heah, now,
an quit yer tryin' ter ack like white
oman. ."-ArkansaW Traveller.
LIGHT weight: Chow much do YOU