The banner-enterprise., 1883-06-14
THAT INFANTILE TORNADO.
THE BAD BOY RUNS A SODA WATER
FOUNTAIN.


FOUNTAIN.
HeTells the Grocery Man About nm Exciting
Episode that Created Goodness Between
His Pa and MA.
"Well, how's your eye?' said the
grocery man to the bad boy, as he blew
in with the wind on the day of the
cyclone, and left the door open. "Say,
shut that door. You want to blow
everything out of the store? Had any
more fights, protecting girls from
dudes?
"No, everything is quiet so far. l
guess since l have got record as a
fighter, the boys will be careful who
they insult when / "a around. But l
have Had the hardest week l ever ex-
perienced, jerking soda for the Young
Mems Christian association" said the
boy, as he peeled a banana.
"What do you mean, boy? Don't
cast any reflections on such a noble as
sociation. They don't drink, do they?"
Drink Oh, no. They don't drink
anything intoxicating, but when it
comes to soda they flood themselves.
You know there has been national
convention of delegates from all the
Young Mems Christian associations
of the whole country, about three
hundred, here, and our store is right
on the street where they pass four
times "A day, and l never saw such an
appetite for soda. There has been one
continual lizz in our store since Wednes-
day. The boss wanted me to play
it on some Of them by putting some
brandy in with the perfumery few
times, but wouldn't do it. | guess a
few weeks ago, before l had led a
different life, l wouldn't had to be
asked twice to play the game on any
body. But man can buy soda of
me and feel perfectly safe. This
Christian association convention has
caused coldness between pa and ma
though"
"How's that? Your pa isn't jeal-
GUS, is hep and the grocery man came
around from behind the counter to get
the latest gossip to retail to the hired
girls who traded with him.
"Jealous nothin'," said the boy, as
he took Il few raisins out Of box
"You see. the delegates were shutlled
out to all the church members to take
care of, and they dealt two to ma, and
she never told pa anything about it.
They came to supper the first night,
and pa didn't get home, so when they
went to the convention in the evening
ma gave them q night key, and pa
came home from the boxing match
about IL o'clock, and ma was asleep.
Just as pa got most of his clothes off
he heard somebody fumbling at the
front door, and he thought it was
burglars. Pa has got nerve enough
when he is on the inside of the house
and the burglars are on the outside.
He opened II window and looked out
and saw two suspicious looking
characters trying to pick the
lock with skeleton key, and
he picked up new slop-jar that
ma had bought when we moved, cover
and all, and dropped it down right be-
tween the two delegates. Gosh, if it
had hit one of them there would have
been the soemne,t funeral you ever
saw. Just as it struck they got the
door opened and came in the hall, and
the wind was blowing pretty hard and
they thought cyclone had taken the
cupola off the Louise. They were talk
ing about being miraculously saved,
and trying to strike match on their
wet pants, when pa went to the head
of the stairs and pushed over wire
stand filled with potted plants, which
struck pretty near the delegates, and
one of them said the house was coming
down sure, and they better go into the
cellar, and they went down and got
behind the furnace. Pa called me up
and wanted me to 60 down cellar and
tell the burglars we were onto
them, and for them to get out,
but l wasn't very well, SO pa
locked his door and went to bed.
guess it must have been half an hour
before pas cold feet woke ma up, and
then pa told her not to move for her
life, cause there were two of the saw
agest-looking burglars that ever was
rumaging over the house. Ma smelled
pas breath to see if he had got to
drinking again, and then she got up
and hid her oraide watch in her shoes,
and her Onalaska diamond earrings in
the Bible, where she said no burglar
would ever find them, and pa and ma
laid awake till daylight, and then pa
said he wasn't afraid, and he and ma
went down cellar. Pa stood on the
bottom stair and looked around, and
one of the delegates said, Mister, is
the storm over, and is your family
safe,' and ma recognized the voice and
said, why, it's one of the delegates.
What are you doing down there, and pa
said what's a delegate and then ma
explained it, and pa apologized, and the
delegate said it was no matter, as they
had enjoyed themselves real well in
the cellar. Ma was most mortified to
death, but the delegates told her it was
all right. She was mad at pa, first,
but when she saw the broken slop
bowl on the front steps, and the potted
plants in the hall, she wanted to kill
pa, and | guess she would on!y for the
society of the delegates. She couldn't
help telling pa he was a bald-headed
old fool, but pa di INT retaliate. lie is
too much Of a gentleman to talk back
in company. All he said was that a
woman who is old enough to have