The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-06-07
WIT AND HUMOR.


petite originated in Hungary.
Money is tho great enigma of the age.
Everybodyis compelled to give it up.
The best way to get a man "on a
string" Is TO touch some tender chord in
his bosom.
When dumb photographer wants to
say ''yes" to customer, he merely dis
plays two negatives.
Many a man who thinks himself a
person of note is not SO far out of the
way. He may be natural or fiat.
"Montmorenci is fine actor" said
Brown. 'Yes," replied Fogg, che is
what you might call a supcr-fne actor"
AsssfGtida is now on the free list.
there being no American cheese to COM
pete with It
Many women are spoken of as an
gels, .nd Mrs. Noah must have been an
ark-angel.
A Polish novelist has written $50 stor-
les. No one ever thought so many stor-
les could be put on one pole.
Stage "sticks" seldom kindle any en-
thusiasm, but they are sometimes fired
by the manager.
The sailor is very much like his ship.
When either go ashore, they are very
liable to get broken up.
The fashionable style of building in
New York is the bachelor fiat. The ell
evators in these establishments are
worked by cork-screws.
A Frenchman has offered prize of
$4,000 for cure for diphtheria. This
ought to bo an excellent chance for
some of Americas patent medicine men.
MAY see you home, Matildap"
asked verdant of his lady-love at a
prayer meeting IL guess 80, Joshua;
but cant you see me hereP"
'Will you accept my arm, missp"
asked the aid-de-camp. ITO be sure"
was her reply, ''it's favorite staff off
er, SIR"
A woman who fell desperately in love
with a man on sight and married him,
refers to him as her lord and mashed
her.
To those who invest in real estate and
buy lots on long payments, it seems
yearly more plain that Mortgage is
Lots wife.
An exchange says it is now fashion
able to introduce some element of the
antique into every dress. What! are
old maids becoming the ragcP
"s that your dog, Mr.. TriggP"
''Ycs, sir, that's my dog" ''Is he a
sottorp" "Hc's OF that type. yes sir. !"
"Oh! then he's type setter"
A debating society will tackle the
question: (Which is the most fun-to
see q man try to thread a needle or q
woman try to drive nailP"
When a woman talks so much that
her throat gets sore, she is always ready
to lay the blame on thin shoes and slop-
py streets.
Artificial eyes have been found among
Egyptian mummies. Artificial lies are
IN old invention; but it is not polite to
say so. Mum is the word.
We often hear the expression that
.'the fro had gone out" And it is said
that in some of our large places you can
actually see tho fire escape.
al got an inkling of your thought, "
said tho rotroating book agent, and he
neatly dodgod tho flying bottle of writ
ing fluid as he made for the door.
..You said, MIR Jones, your umbrella
had a straight handle?' II thought il
did, but since it vanished | am quite
certain It ended with hook. "
NO" said Now York belle who
had Just returned from q tour of Europe
and Egypt. mo, / didn't go to the
Rod soa- Rod, you know, doesn't tagree
with my complexion.
Tho girls have taken to making patch
work quilts. Now it Is to bo hoped
that tho piano will be shut, and that we
will have peace, as well as pieces in the
house.
ELLA is better looking" remarked
Mrs. Brown, with smirk, .but Lucy
will get married first" yes" chimed
in her husband, gimme Luci-icr match
cs every time"
lie rang the door boil of q banker.
The servant tells him Monsieur does
not receive to day." THAT makes
nothing to me. My racket is to know
IL he viii give anything"
I'm sorry to keep you waiting for
Four money" said the bank teller to
Smlthers, "but hero's the money all in
yollow boys" "Never mind, said
6mithcrs, II SEQ tbs worth the weight
Ia gold"
DIR. Holmes sketches the dude in his
Our last Matched dandy with his glass and
stick
Recalls tho scmblance of a newborn chick:
Cro match tho model he is aiming at
He ought to wear an oggsholl for a hiatt.
IL frequently happens that what a
man saves in ono way he loses in anoth-
~. For instance, Texas man jumped
from moving train the other day to
save miles walk to his house. He
bit his head against tree and lost his
bfalns.-NeU Orleans Picayane.
A gentleman had his boots blacked
by one of two boys, and gave the shin
or a 90 bill to get changed. After wait
ing some time he said to the other boy:
"Whore's your partnerP" "Oh," said
the youth, with grin, "he's bust up,
and I'm his assignee. Church Union.
The false weather prophet Virgins is
ennouncod to lecture in Montreal on
'How Worlds are Made" If he cared
10 speak on thome with which he is
familiar he would make his subject
''How Fools arc Made" He has made
thousands of them.-Bufalo EIprcss.
Albany boasts of 70-year-old bache-
lor who never used tea, coffee, cake, or
pic, and has never been in woman's S
company since he cut loose from his in
fantilo dresses. His life has been about
as monotonous as that of q wooden In
dian In front OF cigar storc-and he
has Just about as much fun.
In modern Egypt a young man is not
permitted to see his wifc's face before
marriage. This is rather rough on the
young man, bnt it prevents the news
papers of Egypt from making jokes
about tho girl enticing him into an ice
cream saloon and bankrupting him in
the first round. d.-NorriSto,cB Herald.
Tho course of true love" traced by
lettcrs in breach of promise suit in
New York ran in this manner "My
darling Benny" my own darling BEN
N.Y. "biy own dearest darling" ''Your
loving Baby" Your own loving Pet, :"
my own darling Love-" MY darling
Bon,n Friend Ben" And all was
over.
"Oh, dearl am tired out exclaimed
Mrs. Shoppingham; ''you can't have