The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-12-28
ssPumps.n

Il
"Do you think you can sell dress
goods and ribbons?h inquired Mr.. Ma
than Watrous, senior member of the
retail firm of Watrous 4 McGill. The
party addressed was fiorid young
man, with a fiorid nose. forid NOUS
tache and florid hair He was. in short,
quite a Florida youth, and his name
was Theopolis Duggan.
Il reckon so, he replied.
"Can you be suave?"
(which"
"Can you support a becoming address
n the presence of ladies-politeness
suavity, you know"
20, yes" answered Duggan. "in the
last place l worked the boys all said I
was the suaviest man in the troupe, and
rustler among the customers.
"What bus ness was it?"
"Pumps-wooden and iron pumps,
and hydraulic rams"
"Quite a different line from dress
goods and ribbons"
well, yes, but 1 amt afeared to
tackle 'em."
Mr.. Watrous gave him trial. The
boys in the store labeled him "Pumps"
from the first moment of his initiation
into the dress goods and ribbon depart
ment. The second day . petite brunette
inquired for some chicken down"
nuns yelling. Pumps commenced to
sweat.
"What color is it?" he blurted out.
The girl only rewarded him with a
stony stare. Pumps rushed off after a
new stock of information, and inquired:
SIS this a provision store or butcher
shop"
''Why?" answered. one hundred and
fifteen pound salesman.
because, there's gal up there by
the showcase who wants some chicken
down."
The one hundred and fifteen pounds
of pure and unauthorized suavity wait
ed on her.
"Show me some elephants breath
cashmere" said an elderly lady in gold
bowed spectacles. Pumps dropped a
roll of paper cambria and again started
down the road after some more intelli-
gence.
whats elephants breathe" he gasped
Hanged if 1 amt thinkin' I've struck
a menagerie."
'.It $ shade of wooden goods" muir
INJURED another salesman, moving up
toward the elderly lady, and selling her
a large bill.
"Bet your boots I'll catch on" said
Pumps, staggering before the glass
where the ladies tried on bonnets and
hats.
Another young lady interviewed
Pumps in the afternoon and said:
"You know steel soutache on gray
velvet is considered very chic"
"It's just the chickiest thing agoin',"
observed Pumps.
The young lady looked grieved.
''Show me some girafe-colored CASH
mere" she said. quietly.
Another animal wanted" muttered
Pumps, breathlessly, as he reached the
other end of the store. He, of course,
lost the sale.
''Show me some crinolettes," de-
manded spare woman with a cast in
one eve. Pumps was nonplussed.
"f was you wouldn't get crino-
lette," he ventured.
"You wouldn'tr' sneered the lady.
mo, not at this season of the year.
I'd get pair of striped stockings and
poke bonnet"
The lady walked out.
"What did she want?'' inquired Mr..
Watrous, who had kept his eagle eye
on the proceeding.
''She was hankerin' after crino-
lette," said Pumps, land 1 don't think
we have 'em in stock"
These are crinolettes," said Mr..
Watrous, sternly, and pointing to pile
of the garments.
Them! Why, 1 took them for base
ball Masks" said Pumps.
'1ou will have to do better than
this" remarked Mr.. Watrous, impress
sively.
There's woman up at the front end
who wants some Apollonaris. Hadn't
better 60 out and get her a glass of
seltzer?'
Some more condensed suavity waited
on the lady, and sold her a polonaise,
moliere waistcoat, an ostrich feather fan,
and ten yards of plum-colored velveteen.
Pumps was paralyzed.
You fellows have got the thing
down pretty middlin' tine,'' he said,
pulling his vermilion mustache before
the mirror.
Evidently you have considerable to
learn in this business" observed the
head salesman to Pumps.
''All ask is fair show for my mon
ey," returned Pumps, dejectedly. !
''What would you do if lady should
inquire for an imported jersey?'
''What are you giving u.s." whined
Pumps, this is no stock yard or dairy
farm
THAT. my friend" said the head
salesman, lis short jacket introduced
into this country by Mrs. Langtrv.
What if she should inquire for a tourn-
ure?"
Mech. I'd
That will dor shouted Mr.. Wat
rouse, bobbing up from behind bale of
sheeting, you can just tournure back |
on this establishment and hunt work in |
q lumber yard. "-Teras Sittings.
Dulse.