The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-11-23
WHOLE NO. $50.
WHY WE LAUGH.

Editor Dana walks "pigeon-toed." Turn
the rascals out.
beg pardon.-Sergeant Mason. Don't
mention it.-President Arthur.
A cheeky circus man calls his trick mule
'Impunity," because he can do almost any
thing with 1t.
The closing of the st. Louis poker rooms
has thrown many Of the first citizens Of the
town out of work.
An old negro cook says "Sass is powerful
good In everything but children. Dey needs
some other kind Of dressing"
The Louisville Cowier-J Journal says that
Governor.elect Hoadley is not going to Eu-
rope for his health, but to consult Mr.. Ten
nysonsahout rhyme for his name. ..
"These terribls flies, !" said the architects
wife, "what do dado In winter?" "Oh," her
husband said, "they roost In the freeze"
Which they do.-Brlington Ra.rkeye.
Putting his hand upon box of pens Ia
beled "Twelve dozen," Fogg remarked that
they reminded him of "Anti-Fat," as they
were taken by the gross.-Boston Trdceler.
Boston always hangs one peg higher than
the rest of the world. When a father dies
In this modern Athens the family feed on
black beans for month out of respect for
the deceased.
4 Chicago commercial traveller says that
in small village in Northern Michigan he
found notice pinned on the door Of store
which read: "Gone to bury my wife; will be
back In thirty minutes"
Light.minded young thing In bathing
suit-"Surely, Aunt Margaret, you're not
going to wear your spectacles In the water ?"
Aunt Margaret Indeed am. Nothing
shall induce me to take off another thing"
A Texas girl has this year made bale of
cotton (which" we are told, sshe proposes
10 devote TO her dress" If she does, the fat
woman in the circus will look like Sara
Berhardt beside her.-Rochester Post-Er-
press.
A contrast of wishes: 81 wIsh," exclaimed
Birdie Mcbride, enthusiastically, to Gus De-
Smith, 81 wish this organ had more stops to
It," "Aud l." murmured Gus, in a stage
aside, 81 sincerely wish that II had one-one
eternal stop a kind of q short stop, as It
were."-Teras Sftings.
"Now you must converse in nothing but
French" said Monsieur, the professor, to
his pupils. Silence Immediately fell on the
class for the space Of quarter Of an hour,
when the professor exclaimed: "What!
Nothing but silence Eat Is the very oppo-
site of French! h!"-Ne,o York Commercial
Advertiser.
Whiting in these days, sure" Jonathan:
Irish be darned! The Irish don't invent
anything H. speak of. Americans invent
everything" Mike "Thin perhaps yez can
tell me why the Irishmans name, Pat, Is
always next to the date on the new invin-
tions. Divil an American name can yez find
on one, at all, at ALL"
Grocer, who has lately joined the militia,
practicing in his shop: Fright, left; right,
left. Four PAGES to the rear, march !"-falls
down trap door into the cellar. Grocer's
wife, anxiously: "Oh, Jim, are you hurt ?',
Grocer, savagely, but with dignity. "Go
away, woman; what do you know about
war ?"-Nep Orleans Times-De Democrat.
A machine has been invented In London
for making short persons long. II Is war
ranted to stretch the human form at least
three and a half inches without injury to
health. Now, let some one invent con
trivance for making q short cash account
long, and stretching out small sum into
long one, and the whole world will be hap
py.-Hotel Mail.
A coEsumptive man, knowing that bis life
was rapidly drawing to close, called his
wife to him and said "Madeline, you know
that am about to die: shall you ever think
of me when / am gone ?" "Oh, yes, dar-
ling" sobbed his wife. 81 never can forgeI
you, and will ever see that your grave is
kept green" "Yes, my dear, I know you
will, but have one last request" "What
Is 1t, darllng" "Do not keep II that vul-
gar, low-down, common green, like Simp.
sons grave, which Is so distasteful to the
eye. Keep 1t rich, delicate olive green."-
Teras Sifttngs.