The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1883-01-04
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WAITS AND WINS.


A ER-DEAIER-the schoolmaster.
THE soda-drinker often thinks of
foam.
TIM promises of some men alwlys re-
main shall owe.
New way to 'sknow all about thy
self'-get Presidential nomination.
IsS'rit slightly paradoxical to call a
man with fun beard n bare-faced liar?
FLY time-when you hear your
fathers cane humping along the hall.
CosnIIssIoNER LIE DUc, in ms crop re-
ports. never mentors the hops at tho
seaside.
A WESTERN journal heads an article:
ga Luratic Escapes and Marries a
Widow Escaped, ell? We should say
he got caught.
WHrTEHALL man has discovered o
way of instantly turning sweet milk into
fresh butter. He feeds it t. a goat,
Patent applied for.
A WlscoNsIN theorist says that hay
viii satisfy hunger There many he sonlev
ItilnS III tdfiE, ft.r coupls u suffNsi ~
frequent satisfy thirst
IT is claimed by some medical NEW
that smoking weakens the eyesight
Maybe it does, but Just see how 1t
strengthens the breath.
BosroS has public vinegar inspector
at a salary of 81, 900 per year. One
would think he would get awfnlly tired
looking for his mother"
A LITTLE girl in church, after the con-
tIibution plate had been passed, COM
placently and audibly said, al paid for
four, mamma, was that right?"
SAID Jones: "Smith won't have so
soft a thing as he had" 'I don't know"
replied Robinson, ''he'n have soft
thing SO long as he doesn't lose his
head"
BRIDGET-s'And how shall cut the
pole, mum?" Lady of the house-"Cut
It into quarters. Bridget-''And how
many quarters wood cut It into,
NUM-"
You may have noticed that the flies
never bother q speaker, no matter how
dull he is, but invariably attack the over
worked sitter who is trying to get lit
tie sleep.
THEY'RE heightened in Deadwood, and
they wouldn't go to see the Black Crook
until it was advertised written by Shakes
peare, and then they couldn't Keep peo-
pie away.
'sAn heavens!" cries Mana, sentiment
ally, to her visitor, ''when one is adored
by a magnificent captain like you, moth
ing ever can make her love again-unless
it is major.
''MY umbrella is getting decidedly
shabby" said a young man about town
one evening last week. 81 believe / will
have to strike another prayer-meeting
the first rainy night"
OCCASIONALLY you find Detroit man
VINO can stand having his whisky stolen
and not complain; but when the flies
poster them during u morning nap, they
sll swear.-Boston Post.
BULLION is wealth in crude form,
and after it is coined and kept at interest
q while, it becomes wealth in accrued
form again. This language of ours is
worse than the gem puzzle, heap.
DEUcED queer how men differ about
different things. When O man hooks a
lot of fish he will brag of it for three
days, aud when he hooks lot Of apples
he haisss Il word to say about-it.
Goa L thought this was drawing
room carl" apologetically observed a
lady to q man in he door of the smoker
as She discovered her mistake. "It is.
mum. he said, drawing on hisn with ali
his might.
A POET asks: "When am dead and
lowly laid, And clods fall
heavy from the spade, Who'll think of
me?' Don't worry. Tailors and shoe
makers have very retentive memories.
and you'll not be forgotten.
A New YORK man was challenged to
fight dnel the other day, and being at
liberty to choose his own weapons pro-
posed tripto Boston on Sound steamer.
The challenger backed out. He said the
idea that death must attend duel was a
relic of the dark ages.
A VICTOR enters French newspaper
Office and is greeted politely by the Office
boy" If monsieur comes to fight duel
he will have to be kind enough to call
again; all'our editors are already engaged
for to-day. Parts Chartvari
An Owego man, after little expert
ence, truthfully and Indignantly asserts
that no woman, however nervous, has
right to wake up her husband from a
sound sleep to tell him on inquirip9
what's the matter, ''Nsthing, only /
wanted to know Il you were awake.
MASSEY" takes pride in the service OF
his father and grandfather, in one way
~ another. As for himself, he saws:
% My own military record is clear. In
he late rebellion I served by substitute.
furnished three substitutes, all OF whom
5o-day are in good health--in Canada"