The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-12-01
The Bride Who Didn't Die in an Old
Chest.


Chest.
The fair Imogene D'Eustis had Teen
welded to the knightly Sam Higgins.
The clergyman had been handed two
dollars in cash to pay for the splicing,
the guests were filling themselves up
with eatables, and everything. was slid
ing along as smoothly as a cider-mill
sailing down on a spring freshet, when
all at once the bride was missing.
Her newly-found husband looked I'M
der the table, but she was not there
The guests separated to search. Some
looked down the well-others down
cellar-others in the hen-coop and
smoke-house and behind the pig-pen.
No Imogene.
Then some said that she had been alb
Quoted, while others scoffed at the idea
of aggirl weighing 1876 pounds and hay
ing a scream which could be heard two
miles, being carried Off in broad day
light.
A detective was called in. He looked
at her old shawl, measured the length
of her shoes, and decided that it was
mysterious affair. He would take the
case if desired, but would not promise
any satisfactory solution under year
and half.
The fair Imogene's father hadn't be-
trayed much excitement up to this
point. The wedding feast was the first
square meal he had tackled for six
months, and he wanted to fill up before
giving way to emotion. He was now
JUL. He turned around upon the ex-
cited and distressed guests, commanded
them to hush their hullaballo and dis
appeared up stairs.
When the coy Imogene slipped away
from the feast it was to see if her hus-
band would miss and follow her. She
slid up stairs, mounted to the garnet,
and after brushing the cobwebs off her
nose she advanced to the big blue chest
in the corner. This chest had been
made to hold her fathers Government
bonds and was hoped with iron and
provided with a spring lock, which
never cost less than dollar. Her mis-
sion was to hide in the chest and see if
her husband would be soft enough to
climb up there and throw up the lid
and call peek-a-boo. AS the reader
knows, hewasn't the man to catch on.
The old man D'Eustis walked up
stairs andmade his way to the garnet
through the same trap-door the bride
had used. He thought she might be up
there to take last farewell look at the
lunches OF catnip, moldy school books
and broken spinning-wheels. He could
not see her. He called aloud, but the
whistle of the tug on the river was the
only answer. He turned to 90, but
something whispered to him that per-
haps he might find plug of tobacco or
bottle of stomach bitters in the old
chest. He advanced with beating
heart and threw up the lid.
"Why, pop, is this your cried the
fair Imogene, as she sprang up and
ripped her bridal dress clear down the
back.
eyes, this is me-" growled the old
man, land what the jimcracks are you
doing HEREOF
Hiding from Sam"
I'm a carnal mind to box your ears,
big as you are! Here you've raised a
regular city convention all over the
house, spoilt dress which cost me
fourteen dollars with the making, upset
your mother, and scarf old Mrs. Spigot
into fitr'
"Please, pop, L"
''You git :! Drap yourself through
that trap-hole, skip down there and tell
the crowd that you don't know beans
when the bags united"
And the bride got. And her hus-
band was so mad that he burned up a
free railroad pass to Chicago, and her
mother cried, and her father went off
down town to play poker, and taken all
in all, the coy bride and the old chest
and the spring lock business didn't pay
ten cents on the dollar.-DetroH Free
Press.