The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-08-18
KISSING AND KISSES.
An Interesting Chapter on Oscula-
tory Exercises-SOme Remark
able Instances.

Kissing, as our readers are aware,
is, under certain circumstances a
perfectly natural proceeding, ana
one which, within certain limita
lions, constitutes highly pleasing
experience. 1t is proceeding,
moreover, which may be said to
have received the sanction of uni
versal custom from time immem-
orial and all the world over; and
there are not at present any
indications of its becoming in future
less popular than it has been in the
past. a kiss is not thing that you
can successfully describe. A poetic
lover who undertook the description
would probably never get beyond
some stupidity inflated generallties.
Josh Billings beautifully observes
that the more man tries to analyze
a kiss the more he can't; and he be-
iieves that the only real way to de-
fine kiss is to take one. Kisses, of
course, vary considerably. There is
the formal kiss of greeting, the fra
ternal kiss of affection, the kiss of
policy, which is not always easy to
give with good grace; the kiss IN
der The misletoe, which is only OBJ
tanned after (of course) a tremend-
uOus amount of struggling and
merriment; the lovers kiss, which
breathes rapture; and the staid
and dUtiful salutation of conjugal
attachment. Such a classification
as this only suggests an indefinite
variety of experience.
A curious case of OSCILLATION is
reported from across the Atlantic.
Some time ago a Mr.. Finch, who
was in the jeWelry business in New
bern, United States, sold to a young
lady named Miss Waters what was
described as a beautiful set of real
jet, the bargain being that he was
to receive in payment 100 kisses. to
be paid at the rate of one kiss daily.
Mr.. Finch was to call at the lady's
house every day, Sundays excepted,
to receive his daily kiss, which Miss
Waters undertook and promised to
daily deliver to him. For thirty
consecutive days. Sundays excepted,
Mr.. Finch punctually called upon
Miss Waters and duly received the
stipulated salutatiOn, Ont the thirty
first day, however, Mr.. Finch made
a formal complaint that Miss Wa
ers was not fulfilling her contract,
inasmuch as she insisted upon per
hitting him to kiss her cheek only,
He maintained that this did no. con-
stitute legal kiss, and demanded
that he should be permitted to put
his left arm around her waist and
kiss her in the highest style of the
art. To this, however, a firm refus-
al was returned. The lady offered
Mr.. Finch choice of checks, but
insisted that the contract would not
bear the construction put upen it.
FhereupOn Mr.. Finch, in great in
dignation, brought an action for
breach of contract against the lady,
This action raised several new
and interesting questions, among the
most important of which was what
constituted, in the eye of the law, a
kiss. The plaintiff set up the fur
ther plea that there was a differ
ence between active and passive
kisses; that Miss Waters had
promised to give him certain num-
Der of kisses-not merely to allow
him to take them-and that giving
kisses was an act which required
the use of the lips. The case was
the subject of considerable contro-
versy in the press and elsewhere,
but the writer, unfortunately, has
never been able to discover the r.
suit Of the legal proceedings which
were instituted, and has concluded
that a compromise of some sort
must, as was at one time expected,
have been brought about.
An equally remarkable kissing
transaction occurred not long ago in
Austria. In this instance a kiss was
actually put up for sale at auction.
and publicly bestowed upon the
highest bidder. The occasion
was a charity fete got up IN
the little town of TorrantaI on
behalf Of the poor of Agram TIE
well-meant endeaYor Of the bene.
VIOLENT ladies and gentlemen who
acted as statesmen and stall holders
to induce visitors to purchase trifles
exposed for sale at twenty times
their value had not succeeded, Bust
ness was not 'bIiSk. The public
who had filed the sale were not in
a generous mood, and the organizers
of the f6te were disheartened. Al
this juncture one of the lady patron
esses, q remarkably bs8ut.fu vo
man, had what she thought happy
inspiration. She took a husband
aside, conferred with him. AMI
shortly after. win MS consent,
offered a kiss to the highest bidder,
the sum pad for the favor TO be added
to the receipts u he fete. Very
low Sums were at first offered by
the young mentor, of course, The
feminine portion OF the visitors
were not tempted by the opportu-
nity-and ultimately the kiss was
knocked down at the relatively
.palSry figure of is forms and II
kreutZeTs. The husband OF the lady
offered to pay the amount himself
and take The kiss; but the claimant
had already handed over the money,
and as he refused to agree to the
bargain being cancelled, the kiss
was exchanged before the assembled
company.