Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-01-05

mentp No.. sir; he got up at five the
next morning in the most prompt and
unostentatious way. / knew he would;
knew it mighty well. He collected
his life insurance, and lived happy ever
after, for there was plenty OF proof MS
to the perfect squarencss of his death.
"Well, we were gradually fading
away toward better land, on account
of our daily loss of sleep; so we finally
had the expert up again, and he ran n
wire TO the outside of our door, and
placed q switch there, whereby Thomas,
the butler, could take oil and put on the
q aarm; but Thomas always made one
lite mistake--he switched the alarm off
at night when he went to bed, and
switched it on again at daybreak in the
morning, iust in time for the cook 10
open the kitchen door, and enable that
going TO slam us across the house, some
times breaking window with one or
tho other of us. AT the end of a week
we recognized that this switch business
was delusion and snare. We also
di covered that band of burglars had
been lodging in the hou the whole
time--not exactly 10 steal. for there
wasn't much left now, but to hide from
the police. for they were hot pressed,
and they shrcwdy y judged that the de-
tectives would never think of n tribe of
burglars taking sanctuary in house
notoriously protected by the most inn
posing and aborate burglar alarm in
America.
"Sent down for the expert again, and
this time he struck II most dazzling idea
--he fixed the thing so that opening the
kitchen door would take off the alarm.
1t was noble idea, and he charged ac-
cordiugly. But you already foresee the
result. switched on the alarm every
night at bedtime, no longer trusting TO
Thomas frail memory; and rs scon as
the lights wcr@out the burglars walked
in Mt the kitchen door, thus taking the
alarm off without waiting for the cook
to do il in the morning You see how
aggravatngly we were situated. For
months we couldn't have any company.
Not a spare bed in the house; all occli-
pied by burglars.
Finally, got up cure of my own.
The expert answered the call, and ran
another underground wire to the stable,
and established n switch there, so that
the coachman could put on and take off
the alarm. That worked iirst-rate, and
Il season of peace ensued, during which
we got to inv ting company once more
and enjoying life.
"BuJ by-and-by the irrepressible
alarm invented new kink. One win
ters night we were flung out of led by
the sudden music of that awful gong,
and when we hobbled to the annuncia-
tor, turned up THE gas and saw the word
Nursery exposed, Mrs. McWilliams
tainted dead away, and came precious
near doing the same thing myself. |
seized my shotgun and stood timing
the coachman whilst that appalling buz-
Zing went ON. | knew that his gong
had flung him out, too, and that he
would be along with his gun rs soon as
he could jump into his clothes. When
l Judged that the time was ripe crept
into the room next the nursery, glanced
through the window, and saw the dim
outline of the coachman in the yard be-
low, standing at a present-arms and
waiting for chance. Then / hoped
into the nursery and fired, and in the
same instant the coachman fired at the
red flash of my gun. Both of us were
successful. / crippled a nurse and he
shot off all my back hair. We turned
up the gas and telephoned for sur
geon. There was not sign of burg
lar, and no window had been raised.
One glass was absent but that was
where the coachman's charge had come
through. Here was fine mystery-a
burglar alarm going on at midnight
of its own accord, and not burglar in
the ne ghborhood.
1.-The expert answered the usual call,
and explained that it was false
alarm Said it was easily fixed. Sc
he overhauled the nursery window,
charged remunerative figure for it,
and departed.
"What we suffered from false alarms
for the next three years no stylographic
pen can describe. During the first few
months l always flew with my gun to
che room indicated, and the coachman
salliel forth with his battery. to support
me. But there was never anything to
shoot windows all tight and secure.
We always sent down for the expert
next day. and he iiAel those par.
ticular windows so they would keep
quiet week or so, and always re.
membered to send us a bill about like