National Republican., 1883-08-02

That lasted n month But he sang in our car
"And caught one, too that lasted a year"
.-New York Mercurv
THE pope is preparing letter condemning
the granting of absolute divorce.
GEN. Tom THUMB will go down in history
as mitey man. Chicago Inter Ocean.
THE Nashville American urges the use of
copper cents In that city aud throughout the
south. good suggestion.
BRITISH COLUMBIA has a population OF
1900 Chinese and the number is increasing at
the rate of q hundred month.
A FRIEND Gfours whose wife is out of town
soys he thinks he can now appreciate what 1t is
to be nn orphan.-LoUeR Citizen.
Pore LEO XII has published some of his
poems. This knocks the intallibiity idea higher
than the price of watermelon in Dakota.
Four HUNDRED Sioux are to be baptized in
the Missouri at Standing rock. This will make
the water taste Of Injun clear down to Omaha.
Now THAT the peach crop business i'll New
JERSEYS about settled the state turns its attention
TO the bootblacks, and says the bootblacks "must
CO."
BARRIERS used to pull teeth. And there are
some BARRIERS who would do It yet if the teeth
only grew outside like beard d.-Burlington Hatck-
eye.
CICERO said there is an eloquence in silence.
Cicero evidently used to crawl up stairs in Lis
stocking feet when he came home from LODGE
". T. Commercial ADVERTISER
A NoRRIsTowN editor tells of fight be-
tween fish and II snake. About one more drink
would have caused him to add All alligator or u
sea turtle to the grand aggregation of wonders.
DOES do razor hurt you, sab " but the
gentleman in the chair had tainted. This was th>
reason why his wife asked him Oh his arriva
home, "if the other man was as badly broken up
as he wasw
Gov. CRITTENpEN, of Missouri, having sup
pressed the James boys, and set the saloon men In
his stUte to quaking, Is now studying in Utah upon
the best method TO break up polygamy. Turn the
rascals out"
IT may be sneered at as n newspaper lie,
but 1t is nevertheless true that girl baby has
been born to a family named Damnatiou in
Omaha. The plous Bismarck Tribune hopes that
her parents will not name her Helen.
THE wild agony of u man as he kisses his
wife and children goodby at the depot before
they Ego to SEQ grandma" Is only equaled by his
intense exuberance as he applauds the singing at
the circus a few hours later.-SyrGcuse Herald.
A HUMAN skeleton has been exhumed near
Herculaneum around whose neck a string of pre-
cious stones was found valued at over million of
dollars The skeleton is supposed to be that of
the editor of the leading morning paper of the
city.
A New YORK man of prominence drank
quart of apple jack, nearly pint of rum, went in
swimming, came out aud drank quart of ice
water, then some more apple jack, and then died.
And then the doctor winked at the chief mourner
and pronounced it sunstroke.
The red lemonade man belonging to cir
Gus recently died, and his brain was found to
weigh SO ounces. 1t takes good deal of brain
work TO persuade the public to purchase that kind
of drink. He had well equipped head, but he
overworked himself and succumbed at last.
Mrs. LANGTRY stated to reporter just
before leaving this country that she had received
q letter containing an offer of marriage from
Western man. but before she had time TO reply
telegram came Withdrawing 1t. The inference is
that the Western man had "sobered up when he
sent the telegram -Rdnsds CITY Journal.
THOUSANDS of dime novels were destroyed
in the burning of the Monro publishing house in
New York. This is not the first time fire has
proved to be a great purifier but this holocaust"
of sensational literature may cause number Of
boys TO defer for a few weeks their trips west TO
exterminate the Indians,-NorrtstOICn Herald.
MRS. MARY HUNTER, of Queens county, N.
Y, has brought suit against her husband for a
divorce. Hunter wanted his wife to milk the
COWS. and she fatty refused and left the premises
Any man who is mean enough TO expect a woman
to milk cows and wear pinback dress deserves
to so down to the vile dust without any wife.
As ToRNADoEs on earth are said to be pro-
duced by electric storms on the sun, suppose it
will be in vain for scientists TO attempt TO remove
the cause. In this connection the Kansas City
Journal says: About all q man can do is to be
, calm until he sees cyclone coming then get out
of the way If possible, and not rush in and
fight 1t.
THERE is getting to be something very
monotopous in the number OF vessels with yellow
fever on board which are beginning to arrive at
Atlantic seaports. Some Of these days one will
arrive with cholera on board, and then-wel,
says the Kansas City Journal, probably the rail-
roads leading to Manitoba will do the biggest
business in the history of their existence.
NEW ORLEANS Picayune: The press has
been getting more weather indications than usual
of late, but they are not so good. The whale
thinks itself big fish, aud one cannot make
good dive without coming up to blow about it.s.,
Arthur Sullivan is in delicate health at Carlsbad.
If they are playing Plnalore there he is a dead
man Some one says: Never buy SQUAD that
can hy-you don't look for the locomotive part,
but the tender, "A man may die before he gets
justice Then again he may get II when he dies,
If he is hanged by due process of law The
meanness of this world is helped on by doing
unto others as you think they would do unto you
| If they had chance. In England Oscar Wilde
has repeated his statement that he was disap-
| pointed in Niagara Falls. How mean Niagara
would feel if 1t could....A correspondent in the
| Country Gentleman writes about the Red hog Of
the futureW He must expect to oivilize the
American Indian and see him occupy room for
| two in street cars.
A NEW line of steamships between Eng
land and this country about TO be started, which
will not enter New York harbor. The route In
tended to be traversed includes 27sO miles of sea
travel from Milford Haven, on the coast of South
| Wales, TO Fort Pond, ON the eastern end of Long
| Island, Both harbors are exceptionally safe, each
having depth of fifty feet of water. The sailing
distance between these points is 266 miles less than
| by the usual route between New York aud Liver
pool. BY rail from Milford Haven TO London the
| distance Is about the same AS TO Liverpool. The
| distance from Fort Pond harbor TO the city Of New
| York by rail is little over 100 miles. One hun
| dred aud forty miles OF sea travel at the British
end will be saved by this route, and at the Amerl-
can end l26 miles of sea travel will be given for
| ITO miles of railway, This will avoid the
! entrance into New York harbor through
| Sandy Hook Docks will be constructed
ut Fort Pond, and double track lald
on the Long Island railway and passengers and
freight will be promptly conveyed TO New York on