The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-07-12
SHORT BIS.

Miss Catherine Wolfe, OF California,
| good looking, and worth SIC 900, 900 In
her own right, is said to receive an offer
OF marriage every week. What lots of
| fun she must have.
An Irishman once received a doctors
bill. He looked it carefully over, and
said he had no objection TO paying for
the medicines, bnt the visits he ould re-
turn.
A new book is called 'Unspotted from
the World" 1t evidently refers to Cap
tain Howgate. He's "unspotted" as far
as the police are concerned. -Norristown
Herald.
Statistics show that the largest number
of.marriages are by persons under TWEEN
ty-three years of age. Does this prove
that rs people grow older they become
wiser?-Chron.-
A man always looks through his pock-
cts four times before handing his coat to
his wife to haye a button sewed on, and
even then he is filled with a nameless
fear until the job is completed.
A New York druggist is going to open
twentvfour soda fountains in London
this summer. 1t will be fun to see the
Englishmen sit down to wait for the foam
to settle.-Detroit Free Pres.
Whenever you see a man coming out
of country drug store, wiping his mouth
with the back of his hand, you may know
that the town is suffering under COM
bined attack of malaria and license law.
A Philadelphia baker is having new
oven built, which he thinks will beat the
world. 1t is modelled alter a modern
hotel, only the central flew has no eleva-
tor in it.-Phil. News.
The clergy do not object to the theatre
so much on general grounds as upon the
special ground that the comparison of the
attractions of pulpit and stage is not al
together catering to the former.
A college graduate" writes to inquire
if we understand ''the generic impor-
lance of the term fragment We do.
We look upon tn eword as the biography
of the first man that ever attempted to
trim the tail OF Georgia mule.
The scorn which is really kindly and
appre ciative, tells much more effectively
than the scorn which is purely con-
temptuous. Who you can afford frankly
to praise-as you praise child-there
is no danger of returning to adore.
The Milwaukee hotel clerk says he was
too busy with his office duties to alarm
the guests in time for them 10 escape
from the flames. He was probably max
ing ont their bills so that they could be
presented to relatives who claimed the
bodies.
Impudent little boy Ito very fat old
gentleman, who is trying to get along as
fast as he can. but with very Indifferent
success) Il say, old fellow, you would
| get on Jolly sight quicker if you would
lie down on the pavement and let me roll
you along"
Professor Julien asserts that the brown
stone houses of New York will entirely
crumble away in less than one thousand
wears, so ruinous is our atmosphere.
! That settles it. We shall not build a
brownstone house. 1t wouldn't be econ
omy.-Nor. Herald.
4 Young gilded ,or rs they say Gow,
nickel -plated) youth of New York, or
| dered u pair of pantaloons of his tailor
and returned them as too tight. You
told me to make them skin-tight," said
the man. Yes" said the youth, II can
ST. down IN my skin, but l can't in
these"
A judge having fallen asleep during a
trial lawyer \. suddenly ceased pleading
and exclaimed: Il will w"it until mis-
| honor wakes before finishing" But,
answered the opposing counsel, per
! haps his honor will wait until you have
finished before waking From the
! French.
4 little boy was out with his big
brother shooting. They came to a church
ward. There, in a tree, an owl was sit
| ting. The boy with a gun shot it, to the
horror of his little brother, who ex-
! claimed: "Oh, Tommy! what have you
been and done? You have been and shot
cherry BUMP"
II don't want no rubbish, no fine sen
timents, if you please, said the widow
who was asked what kind OF an epitsph
she desired for her lsto husbands tomb
stone Let il be short and simple
something like this: William johnson.
aged 10 years. The good die young -
Brooklyn Eagle.
| Rev. Mr.. Talmage says the eye winks
thirty thousand times n day. When
tue owner OF the eye enters drug store,
the clerk behind the soda-water fountain
can pick the right wink ont of hundred
the first time. Mr.. Talmage fails to ex-
plain this wonderful mind reading pow
er on the part of the clerk. N orristovn
herald.
Mr.. de c. is in visit with a painter; he
looks at a portrait. What beautiful