The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-06
WIT AND HUM0R.


and dried affair, just like caucus.
When a certain bachelor was married
members of the bachelor club broke him
up by sending him as a wedding present
a copy of Paradise Lost.
The services of a gentleman who
wants to be a correspondent of the
Eee1siug Bulletin are respectfully de-
clined on account of his 'srefferances,
Philadelphia Bstllettn
Il have shocking news for you," said
a gentleman approaching Col. Wex-
more. ..Your WIFE dead, is shef''
asked the Colonel .-oh no She has
returned home '.Oh, Lord!'' said
the Colonel dirk. Truueier.
Venus rises two and half hours be-
fore the sun. Ii naturally takes the old
girl some time to kindle fire and get
the tangles out of her hair before break
fast time. The sun gets up earlier when
the weather gets warmer.
The Pendleton civil service bill has
passed, " remarked Mr.. Wigglesworth,
from-thc interior of his paper. well.
I'm glad of that. said his wife. land
now | hope our hired girl will have a
little more manners.
young politician explained the tat
tered condition of his trousers to his fa-
Their by stating that he was sitting under
an apple tree enjoying himself, when
the farmers dog came along and con-
tested his seat.
She wears Louis XIV. shoes, does
she?" exclaimed Mrs. Recentwealth.
We'll, she's got mighty big feet if that 5
her size, that's all I've got to say"
And the old lady contemplates her own
canal-boat shoes with evident satisfae-
ton.
Mrs Marrowfat had Just finished
reading an account of Michigan girl
who had dropped dead upon receiving
an offer of marriage from young man,
when Miltiades quietly asked: Mother.
don't you suppose he knew it would kill
| her?'
| A North Carolina woman, aged 50,
| has just begun 10 learn to read. Prob
ably she was Informed by an enemy
| that her name was in one of the local
papers When a woman's curiosity is
once aroused there's no telling what
she viii do in order to crafty it.-N Y.
-4drert{Ser
There are some persons who cannot
take a joke, but Fogg is not one of them.
One of the boys. acquainted with Fogg' 3
frequent change of abode, asked him
which he thought was the cheaper, to
move or pay rent Il can't tell you.
my dear boy replied Fogg; Il have
ALWAYS moved.
Very tired in their heads: First Duff
fer-ssYou say YOU have met me before,
and / have an impression that have
met YOU before. Can you tell me when
it WASP Second Ditto-'tl can. sir; it
was at the same time that met YOU -
First Duffer (refiecting) ~ s, yes; it
must have been; but what a remarkable
coincidencem
While Robert Burns was at Moffat
once, with Clark, the composer, the
poet called for a bumper of brandy.
''Oh, not a bumper, said the musician;
Il prefer two small glasses. Two
small glassesln cried Burns, why. You
are like the lass in Kyle, who said she
would rather be kissed twice bareheaded
than once with her bonnet on"
A few days ago about hundred clerks
in one of the departments at Washing
ton sent TO this locality a contribution of
1927 and large amount of sympathy for
the flood sufferers. 1t was a good thing
for the sufferers that the big-hearted
clerks thought of sending with their
mite of cash SO much sympathy.-Ky.
State Journal.
Al Olu CpIOIco 11dllldAa WIZ ID
begging money for his coffin, uses the
following plea; Use tired of life, longine
TO de grave Sebenty-eigiit years now
begun dis miserable existunee. AS
grew in age / fostered fond ambishum,
picterin' de road to wealt and fame.
Here ] am to-day, poor and wretched as
when / was born, hopes of success blars-
ted, bones waitin' YEARLY TO de day OBJ
rest. Glib me but a few cents TO help me
buy coffin to bury my achin' body.
The wife of a Philadelphia lawyer
called at the home of widow with
whom she had reason to believe her
husband was upon terms of undue init
macy. The widows innocent little boy
opened the front door do YOU know
Mr.. HarrisP'' the enraged asked, with
her sweetest smile s'Yeth, / know
him" the little chap answered; that's
Uncle Charley, he's mammals brother. "
There's divorce suit pending upon
this information.
New York society has decided that
when a gentleman and lady meet on the
street the one who first sees the other
should bow. So we learn from $50
Getty item; but it doesn't explain
whether the parties shonld be acquainted
or not, though we think they should.
etiquette or no etiquette. Ii they should
happen to pass without seeing each 9TH
er, We suppose the bowling formula may
be dispensed with without giving offense
to either party.
Gourtship in Georgia: He rushed in
the parlor without ringing the door-bell
and discovered light figure sitting on
the sofa in the corner. He suddenly ex-
claimed: by Jove, dear Nell, / thought
never would find you alone again.
Your mother has gone visiting. hasn't
she?'i Yes, = responded the light
figure, Nellie goes visiting SO much am
often alone" The young man remarked
the next day that he left his hat ON the
piano and his umbrella in the hall and
needed nothing but thirty acres of open
air.-O glcthorpc Echo.
Some people are expressing surprise
that Herr Most remains in this country
so long. Very likely he hasn't any other
place to go to. Heis like the chap who
replied To- his wife's interroeatory;
why. Charley, what on earth brings
you home at this hour of the nightP 81
why. the fact is, darling, all the other
places were shut There are not MANY
countries that have use for such a fellow
as Most. He viii possibly remain here