Milford chronicle., 1883-01-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

/ GnoAEhn AAE tANa ANAANff'ea+
Monday in New York.
NEEDLEwoMAN's motto: ''Ihey Come
like Shadows, Sew, Depart. "-Puck.
Talk about ''the house that Jack
built, you ought to see the house that
Van der bilt
INDIANA has so many Presidential can
didates that few men are left to attend
to the farm work Boston, Post.
IT seems little paradoxical to say
that the man whose life is insured must
die to recover, hut it is nevertheless
true.
A MoNEY-oRDER Office would be a great
convenience in every small town if the
people could order all the money they
want.
The old proverb, ''Where there's a
will there's way" has been revised to
suit the situation. It now reads
''When there's a bill we're away.
A BAIp-HEADED man who has heard
that the hairs on mans head are num-
bered, wants to know if there is not
some place where he can obtain the back
numbers.
THE man who Dragged all the summer
about his being good skater has
dropped that subject since there is ice,
and is now boasting that he is " a por-
poise to swim.
THERE are some marriages which re-
mind us of the poor fellow who said:
"She couldn't get any other husband,
and couldn't get any other wife, so We
got married" "
A LADY writes a story about My Hus-
bands Secret" He must have been
young husband to have admitted he had
one. Theol married man knows better
than to do so.
DEAR Mr.. Jones, ssaid a learned wo-
man, "you remind me Of a barometer
that is filed with nothing in the upper
story" "Divine Amelia Brown, said
he, you occupy my upper story.
A PEDAeoeUE threatened to punish
pupil who had called him a fool behind
his back. Don't don't !" said the
boy I" I won't do so again, sir, never !
I nevel will what l think again in
my life
THE Wheeling Register essures- us
that there is no valid reason why
man should not live hundred years.
True enough. 1t is the invalid reasons
which reduce the average longevity
Lo,CeH Courier.
If newspapers contain less variety
han usual during the present week, it
must be attributed to the fact that the
,ditor's time is largely occupied at the
Of the year in clipping coupons
,ff his Government and railroad bonds.
Herald.
He was a lisping drummer and had
,retty good opinion Of himself. He said
o his partner at dance in a town not
ar from Boston "I wanth youth to
Inderstan that I'm no ordinary wunner.
belong to the firm of Jones a Thun.
Iy father is Jones and I'm the Thun."
Boston Globe.
In recent lecture, Henry Ward
,eecher said: ''In this country, smart
zen have always chance. That is
rue enough, but after they have had it
undreds of them shake the country and
o to Canada and stay until the di-
actors fix up the affairs with the stock
olders.
How DO you like my pin p said young
rown, speaking to his most cherished
irl, and referring to a new cameo scarf
in. ooh = said she, "is it a pin?
oticed it, but 1 thought it was bit Of
dad dropped on your tie, and I was go
q to call your attention to it. "-NetO-
RI can.
"IF every tree is known by its fruit,
hat kind Of fruit, asks the Boston
transcript, does the axle tree bear?'
ou had better ak it. The axle-tree un-
II farm wagon frequently bears vari-
is kinds Of frrlits-and vegetables also;
ID that under buggy often bears vely
# pairs. Norristot0n Herald.
CHAT man is a phrenologist, Pat.
4 phat ?" asken Pat, puzzled. "A
renologist ''Phat's that?" "Why
man that can tell, by feeling Of the
lmps on your head, what kind Of
an vou are. Bumps on me head
9' exclaimed Pat. "Then l S
ink it would give him more OF
.at kind Of woman me wife
AN ENaLIsHMAN has offer
500 for the pistol bulle'
e i'll luck to shoot
Gambetta were t
rt daily newsl'
inions in a fir
,uld soon !
net at j
llet.
thou
sir