National Republican., 1883-02-02
ON TIE AVENUE.


Several new lady lobbyists have made their
appearance about the capitol this winter, and,
although tho old veterans complain of dull
times and dry pickings, the raw recruits APP
pear to be doing a thrifty business. The fe-
male adventuresses who haunt the galleries,
lobbies, and waiting rooms day after day arc
queer lot. Strange rs Il may seem," said
n gray-haired observer of long experience, in
discussing this phase of life in Washing
ton, "a considerable proportion Of the female
lobbyists are honest women. You know what
] mean, women who do not mako vulgar
commerce of their charms but by far the
largest portion are loose characters. One of
the most successful and notorious lobbyists
ever saw was beautiful brunette from the
south, who made Washingtons her headquar-
tors for several winters. SO far as anybody
about Washington ever knew she was pure as
an iciclo hanging from the temple of Diana,
and nearly as cold She had senator's and
congressman and grave diplomats by tho
dozen in her train, and she led them n pretty
race. She was mistress of her art
Chastity is golden:' she once told me, were
to forget myself once my usefulness would
be gone. One false step means ruin. No
woman, however prudent, can afford to de-
viate from the straight path Tho evil
tongue of gossip is certain to blast her good
name-absolutcly certain. Women may
imagine they are conducting their intrigues
with extraordinary prudence, but where they
are known Mt all somebody will learn Of their
mistakes, and then they might as we'll make
public advertisement of their wrecked lives.
Nobody can say i'll of me except TO testify
that they think 1 take money 20 lobby
for or against bills in congress. That is
not enough to bar me from good
society, and there lies the secret of whatever
| power may have do not know what be.
came of this woman. She disappeared us she
came, suddenly, and without warning, and
without leaving n trace, and have not heard
Of her or seen her for eight or ten years.
"Ncry few Of the women who call them
selves lobbyists amount to much in that line.
II is the women who are seldom seen in OF
about the capitol who have influence enough
over votes to make their purchase an object
Men interested in lubrcating or cloggine
legislation are seldom foolish enough to in.
vest money in brazen professionals. If they
are really in need of just few
moro votes, they sometimes ascertain
who arc tho mistrcsses of certain
statesmen of influence and buy them up, O
trick that is by no means difficult of per
formance These women generally live quct
and retired lives, letting their identity
and commercial voting value be known
only to limited few. There arc .mer
and women who are mean enough to trade
on their knowledge Of the liasons o
congressman, and there are congress
men weak enough to bo governed by
their fears of exposure in the disposition o
their votes There are congressman, and no
"A few Of them either, whose lives arc perfec
hells on that account, and all for the lack o
nerve to defy and scorn the blaclsmailers into
whose clutches they have fallen"
eas
Anxious was the inquiry of the man t
whom was repeated the story of the coloiet
preacher who told his congregation about "d
brood and narrer rood which led to damna
tion, and de narrer and brood rood which Lee
to perdition and ebborlasting glory" whethe
Jay Gould had not heard of the competing
lines, and made an arrangement to pool thei.
traffic revenues. "If he knew there wer,
golden paving stones at the further end o
one of the routes he would swallow all tn
stock" hazarded the individual in question
"he would get up u colonization scheme, pc
tition the Throne of Grace for special and ex
elusive privileges and wreck the opposition
route"
e@a
"Next to being king" said an avenu
wretch, who wants to get absurdly rich in
minute, would like to be commissioner c
Indian affairs. I would give flour, mea
sugar, and all other contracts to my ow
trusty friends, even though l had to carr
their proposals in my pocket until 1 kne'
what the other fellows bid, so that 1 coul
draw the right envelope from my inside Goa
, pocket. Then 1 should give all my cousin
, and brothers and sons if had any, soft job
and put them in control of all the India
trading west of the Kansas and Nebrask
lines, though for the sake of appearance
, l would give the necessary priv
legcs to discreet outsiders, who kne
the value of addition, division, and silence
and who would be willing to do tn
right thing. By this means I could thro
dust in the eyes of the public, make goo
|
, good, and save enough in n few months frol
| II 81, 900 salary to build me $4,000 residenc
, If the Indians made fuss about having
, subsist on lean cattle, mule meat bread mad
from musty flour at $13 barrel, sugar con
, posed of equal parts pulverized sandstone an
swcetened corn starch, would hear of ii
) complaints first and could very easily head O
the untutored savage. would be very pot
+ Christian indeed If couldn't circumvent
s whole delegation of NANCY redskins. The la2
{ wretches are lucky to be alive, did they bl
i know it. They cannot long survive the syphi
. izing influences of this progressive age, an
+ must soon pass away. 1 hate to sec them dyir
I of so fast, too because, as q means to an en-
s they are good thing to keep in the fami
O If any of my subordinates should get ont,
/ my pious little racket and knock at the do
o of my sugar hogshead for admission
l. wouldn't let them in. i should tell the
o there wasn't enough to go around. Then
8 they should make themselves disagree cable
o knocking Off the hoops and kicking in fe
r. slaves, l should set up cry of persecutiC
@ and get an appropriation TO repair the dar
n age. Then everything would be lovely, al
o the goose would once more hang at n gre
;. elevation. Two or three years would
a enough for mo. could then spend my sur
It mers in tho White mountains, (and my wi
, ters in the south of France for the remand
4 4 rs,sa ~