The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-12-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

W tlO uOOl II ctCB-iubhOis
''Mine is high calling" says the bell
ringer in Trinity steeple.--Ne,o York Com
merciol.
Freddy: ooh, mamma, I've dot such an
awful headache in my stomach Ala
Californian.
The little ones are the most highly
gifted people about Christmas time
Boston Transcript.
1t is one of the inconsistencies of life
that we throw bouquets at the soprano
and bootjacks at the tomcat.-Oa city
Blizzard.
Wisely improve the present is good
advice" said the newly-married man, as
he sold a duplicate wedding gift PHIL
adelphia CaH
Small Boy-"Pa, did you know ma long
before you married herr" Pal didn't.
didn't know her until long after l had
married her. "-Progress.
The Pullman Car Company have 49,
600 blankets. If you don't believe this
give the porter fifty cents on cold night
and he will show you PHILADELPHIA
CALL
81 never loved but one person, " sighed
Riggs. ''And as man cannot marry
himself" remarked Fogg, 'of course it
came to nothing. Poor fellow w-Boston
Transcript.
A learned doctor solemnly states that
girls are so constructed that they cannot
jump. Leap year will enable eligible
maidens to disprove this assertion. -Neo
York Journal.
Quite excusable: 81 beg a thousand
l.. r ~
SIR" replied the lady, graciously, mo
pardons are needed. You can never
come too late"
A notice Of certain lecturer states
that che always carries his audiences
with him" We thought, when we
heard him, he'd have to if he wanted to
have any.-Boston Post.
Cheeky passenger: "Any fear O. my
disturbing the magnetic currents cap
tain. by goin near the compass2" Cap
tain: "Oh, no, sir. Brass has no effect
on it whatever, ir"-Punch.
"Your father is worth, at least, hall
Million" said he to his jealous sweet
heart. THAT is true she murmured.
"And yet, you doubt my love-" he re-
piled, in an injured tone. -SDtings.
To say that a procession was thyee
hours in passing a given point doesn't,
according to the Chicago Times, neces.
sarily show that it was long procession,
since the given point might have been
beer saloon.
els talk dying outl" asked maya
zine writer The writer should listen to
the conversation of three or four girls
who have met for the first time since
they attended an evening sociabe He
would answer his conundrum in the neg
ative with deafening emphasis. Norris
toacs1 HeraM
''Iou say you were elected from the
premises in summary manner2" asked
Deacon Gilpin, of young man who was
telling of his interview with the young
lady's father. 'Summer-y | should
say So They made it red hot fer me. y
Narration independent.
The Chriaian at Work has an article
entitled, "How to Maize Wife Insane"
We have not read it, presuming the
method given to be, of course, either to
come into the house with mud on your
boots, or to forget to bring home your
wife's bonnet for her from the milliner's
on Saturday night.-.Statesman.
Mrs. d. (admiringly)-" How fond OF
nice things that handsome young Mr..
Blank is! He lives by himself in mag
nificent marble palace, keeps a private
stable of thoroughbred horses, is always
buying the finest works of art and has
ransacked Europe for rare brio brac. :"
Mr.. ID. (gloomily)-" Well, he can afford
to. He hasn't a wife -Phdadelphio
Call
PRINTERS INK.
Little drops of pr inter's ink,
A little type ''dispayed.n
Make our merchant 10 ses
And all their big parade
Little bits of stinginess.
Discarding printers ink
Bus rs the man of business,
And sees his credit sink
Peoria Transcript
If the proposed plan of numbering
the hours from one to twenty-four is
adopted it will sound funny to hear such
talk as this: "Here it is nearly half-past
nineteen Yesterday night it was twenty
minutes past twenty one when YOU came
home, and the night before you never
came near the house till twenty five min
utes past twenty three. This is got to
stop. If you can't get home at half-past
thirteen or a quarter to fourteen, I'll let
you have the house to yourself and go
back to mother. ''-SomelviHe Journal.
That man on the ~" platform is very
very unhappy. lIe looks as though he
had been fooling with stocks, or informed
of the sudden recovery of his mother-in-
law, or something of that kind. But it
is neither of these dire calamities that up-
sets him and makes him feel ill at ease.
lie is disconcerteh simply because he bas
been waiting SOME minutes for the train,
and as he rushes along the platform to
get his favorite seat, breeze suddenly
starts up and blows his hat off and down
In the muddy strGet.-Pack.
An Iowa man has figured out that tho
dogs of that Stat y eat enough annually
to feed 100, 900 workmen, and cost
$4,000, 600, counting the sheep they kill