The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-09-05
coMio COMMENTS.

the latest craze among the New York bellies
To this complexion have we come at last
San Francisco Post.
smart young man picked up flower in
q ball room after all the girls had gone, and
sang pathetically: "'Tis the last rose OF
some er.''-IHe Diunmer
Isn't it strange that we never hear of
dynamite being used in Egypt, where there
are more Nileists than anywhere else in the
world. -Baltimore Eoery SATURDAY.
"a Florida man has an alligator farm"
says an exchange. By and by this item
will read: CA farm of alligators has q
Florida man. Men York 1doertiser.
To be tried for his life-The hen-pecked
husband. Two cats ON the back fence meet
purrchance the usual way. Brought up
by hand-The coal-hod. Mem York Neats.
Don't say entry Charles" said Mrs.
Culture to her son; "sh hall is much more
elegant" Next day the young man aston
ished his friends by speaking of Aid.
Shaughnessy's hall into office" --Boston
transcript.
"That which we call rose by another
name would smell as sweet If you be-
lieve that just tell boy to sleep ON at 9
=. IN. instead of calling him to arose"
and see how much better 1T suits him.
burlington Ha'ukeye.
Caution: Squire" Where are we goin'
wild the pig, Pat ?" Pat" All that's just
what | can't tell, yer honor" Squire
Why not ?" Pat Sure the haste nd
hear me It's hard work gittin him along
anyhow. London Fun.
A thankless youth: First student
How stupid Here my uncle sends me
twenty marks as present" Second stu
dent" should think you would be de-
lighted" mot ut all l was just going to
ask him to lend me F6egende bat
ter.
bridegroom's caution The Rev. Sam.
uel Earnshaw, OF Sheffield, says that he was
once marrying couple when he said to the
man; Say after me: With my body
thee Worship The man innocentls
asked. Must kneel down to her ?"-
LoHdon Hello.
Most assuring: Brown (who is nervous
about sanitary matters and detects some
thing" Hum (sniffs) surely this system
of yours, these pipes now, do they com
municate with you main drain Z" Hair
dresser with CHEEKY gusto)-" Direct, sir.
Tableau.-Londoa Punch.
A German joke Father, to his from
he-university- back returning- son =" Well
thou hast, of course, no debts 2" Son
g Three thousand marks" Father -
"What three thousand marks ?" Son
& Well, art thou not proud that thy son
so great credit hath ?n-Omni5us
Highly English Indignant Cabby (wh
has got his bare fare y" 'Ow am to keel
wife and family on pay like this ?" Blan
Fare" My good man, the subject of i'm
provident marriages is one which has pu2
zled not you nor me only" Exit Cabby
using blessingsl- =. London Fun.
One of the babies Mrs Hunter TO dr.
goods clerk y" If you will cut me small
sample of this will find out from my dress
maker how many yards ] need and can sem
for the goods by the maid" Enfant Terri
BILE Hunter" Why, mamma, that's jus
what you said in oil the other stores."-
Fact.
''Mehitable Jane, l cannot give you an
other new dress this summer" calculated
Mrs. Purseproud to her darling, your
fathers pocketbook has been drained by
you now; in fact, it is dry g But.
mamma, ] must" " You must not" in.
terrupted Mrs p "You are a--a--n "A
regular clothes wringer, rejoined the young
lady.-Boston Courier.
Correct: Two men were standing at the
Kimball House bar when one of the round
crs came in for drink. As he departed
one of the men exclaimed; Caesar, what
nose! Did you see it?" Whose nose ?"
THAT fellow who just went out he's got
nose on him like beet !" That's what
he 81" sententiously remarked the bar.
keeper. Georgia Major.
They all won: Students, after sump
tuous repast, to host" Our compliments tc
your kitchen and cellar. We have agreed
comes out last will pay the bill. viii you
kindly give us the signal to start? 2" The
beaming host slowly counts one, two, three,
the students disappear round the corner and
are seen no F6egende Btatter.
Force of habit Look here, mister, y
said drummer to another traveller who oc.
cupied o double-bedded room with him,
what makes you get up in bed and ham,
mer your pillow every time those cats out
there squall, eh?' You must excuse me,
my FRIEND" said the somnambulist with a
yawn, but the fact is I'm sausage chop.
per by trade. San Francisco Post.
At the wrong door; At the Terrace
baths last Sunday an impatient young man
walked up to the door of one of the com.
partments and, knocking ON the same,
testify inquired: "When in blazes are you
going to get those trousers on?" There
was faint giggle and silvery voice re.
piled: When I get married, suppose p''
He had mistaken the door that's all.--Sda
Francisco Post.
A g shocking oath" Thunder and
lightning" Always work with will when
you try to break one. Elizabeth, No,
dear, collins are not made of dye-wood.
Current poetry is generally that which has
an easy flow. Canary birds are generally
nice and plump, though they go to seed
Early :. 1 have struck bed rock" said the
tired baby when they put him in the cradle
--Boston Folio.