The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-10-27
WIT AND HUMOR.
Our best buglers belong to the loot
I race. of course.

I'S'S WA s"'h'l 'o'h "N'''
Can the policeman who chases and
catches n Chinese criminal be said to
be the Asiatc collarer?
A young man calls his sweethear,
rare opportunity because she is
worthy of being embraced.
The point of swcl's existence is his
shoes; but womans existence is some
times even more point-lacc.
Canada has "chccse king who
controls sixty-four cheese factories. He
should be Il mtcy potontate.
One of the now school of poets il
Boston makes "whackcd it, rhyme
with attractive"
1t is wonder there is any truthful
ness in the world when mankind begins
life by lying in tho cradle
"A Bridgeport, Conn, corset factory
has to run I'LL nine o'clock ut night. "
There is one Industry, at least, that
prospers by n tight squeeze. "
a Comanche brave recently broke of
his engagement with his girl because
she passed her plate for soup the Sec
ond time.
4 Baltimore woman Is SO fond of her
children that, whenever they have to be
! spanked, she gets the woman next door
to do it,
Colorado has no sleepy Hollows,"
but has plenty of material for such y
place. It's mountain, are tuil of Can
yawns
Only one boy has ever been punished
in Louisville for cutting Il tree-boX.
There was wasp in the trcc-boX, and
he came out to see what the boy was
doing.
A ladv's boudoir is powder mara
zine; preparatory to an expedition into
the very heart OF the enemy, she
has little brush and then raises her
colors.
Yes" said Mrs. Soddington, Mrs.
Smith is clever sort of Il woman. no
doubt; but, then, she is so vulgar
Would you believe it. she wears her
own teeth"
A fireman, who poisoned some cold
meat to '.settlc' doc. and then ate it
with his luncheon, has got II new and
improved memory since the doctors
succeeded in getting the meat back.
What station do you call this?"
asked man rs he crawlcd out of the
ruins OF Il carriage after n railway ac-
cident. 'DeYastation, sir, replied Il
fellow-paSscn%er.
a Pennsylvania lady 95 years of age
milks, washes, and bakes for \ family
of three persons. A great deal can be
got out of old people if they are prop
erly managed Young people do not
get half enough rest.
A minister hearing boy saying
Bother these mosquitoes reproved
him, saying that, like all other crea-
lures. they were doubtless made for
some good end. That may be-" said
the boy, "butI don't like the end that
| feel, at any rate"
He slipped quietly in at the door,
but, catching sight of an inquiring face
over the stair-rail, said: Sorry so late,
my dear. couldn't get q car BEFORE
so the cars were full, too" said the
lady; and further remarks were unnec-
essary.
Mrs. Plaindamc, after looking long
and thoughtfully ut plaster east of
Shakespeare, remarked: Poor man!
how pale he was He couldn't have
been well when it was taken No."
replied Fogg, che was dead '.Ah!
that accounts for it," said Mrs. F.,
drawing Il sympathetic breath
81 see the papers are making 4 great
fuss over the fact that | refused to al
low Mr.. Wales to be presented to me-
He was nice enough looking, but Papa
Griffin says girl cant be TOO particu-
lar with these foreigners, especially
when YOU don't know the family. -
M0ry 1lld 3rs0n.
II uoticr,' sad m editor to new
reporter, "that you nearly always make
an o instead of an a." Yes" the re-
porter replied, "for YOU see | used to
be the editor of q country paper. We
didn't have any as in the office, and
| had to shape myself to crcumstan
ces.'
"Begorra!' said an inebriated Hiber-
man, the other day, as he saw China
mans head sticking out of n coal hole
in the pavement, ''phat do thin hay
thin divils care for y traffic, ut all. at
all, when they've dug tunnel clane
through, SO they have?' -!Sam Francis-
co Post.
Squire (who has been catechising Tip
pies Junior) why, your little boy is
sharp enough for lawyer, Mrs. Tip
piles. You ought to send him TO the
bar" Triples Junior-'.So nanny
does, Squire fetches her n quartern
O gin every marnin'." (And when he
got home Triples Junior had a bad
quarter of an hour.)
Eminent violinist-''Dell mc-who is |
dat liddle paid old chendlcman viz de
vite viskers and re bince-nez, looking
at the bigchus?" Hostess-'It's my
Uncle Robertson. I'm grieved to say
he is quite deaf Eminent violinist-
each, | am 20 zorry for him! He will
not pc able to hear me biay re vittle?''
London Punch.
I'VE have been married twenty-five I.
years, y said an Austin lady of some
what vinegary disposition, let us go.