National Republican., 1883-06-26

---BtsmGrck Tribune.
THE Mississippi negroes employ their time
sitting on depot platforms watching the trains
pass. This is one way, however, of fixing for
cotton patch.-Botolino Green Gazette.
al HAVE struck bed rock" said the tired
baby when they put him in the cradle.--Boston
Folio. 80 have l." said the father, as he sat
rocking the cradle for two mortal hours.-Drum-
nler.
OF the three cylones in Michigan this year
none OF them has carried cook stove seven miles
and tenderly sat It down at the back door OF
some poor but worthy widow.-Detron Eee
Pres.
SCENE on an ocean steamer Steward
You mustn't be sick on tho stairs, sir" Suffer-
ing Frenchman--" sacrebieu Aud think you
am sick on your damne stairs to make myself
pleasure 7'-L0c
PIECE of cake which the Prince Of Wales
bit into. but did not fluish was sold at big price
in England not long ago. Wales better go TO
work biting cake for business and pay up his
debts.-LoiOen Cdisen.
CoNsoLAToRY text for Peter McGeoch, who
made fortune in lard, but could not corner the
American hog: The lard giveth and the lard
hath taken away" with song (suggosted by head.
line In Chicago Tribune, "0h Ye Tierce"
Mrs. JOHN L. SULLIVAN. denying that her
husband ever abuses her. says; " His great mis-
fortune is that ho has heart too big for his body"
She ought to pray for Tug Wilson TO knock 1t out
for him. .--Neto Orleans Picdyune
The principal of one of our inland aoade-
mics saw 1T 70 expol one OF his boys who wrote
home to his father. In Justification OF his course,
II got expelled for riding with the girls but
took the neaest cleanost prettiest girl there was
In town."
BANGED hair and piety do not appear as
mixing well together. Nothing beats bad rail-
road eating house so efiectually as dining room
cars. There is to be beer or no beer canvass In
Ohio, and 1t Will bring out some ugly mugs.-New
orleans Pcdyane.
" SHOULD be very much obliged il you
would give mo puff" said the book agent as he
entered a sanctum. "with pleasure" responded
the editor, removing cigar from his mouth aud
Offering It to the visitor. "Take two or three
Philadelphia Nei0s.
The Boston Herald thinks tho report that
the Newport swells will turn up their noses at
Mrs. Langtry Is probably unfounded. They are
not apt to do that to anybody who has money,
unless IL was earned by the sweat OF tho brow.
Mrs. Langtry didn't earn hers.
The old weapon used by David to slew
Goliah seems, looking at 1t in the light Of these
latter days, to knock the romance all out Of the
great victory Of the former. The "sling" slews
giants and plgmies alike even unto this day, aud
people marvel not thereat.-I'ecks Sun.
MAMIE havinglbeen helped twice to every
thing on tho table, slid down, when the coffee
came in from her chair with a sigh. "Thero,
now" said her mamma, " suppose you have
eaten so much that you feel uncomfortable"
| Don't" replied Mamie quickly, with toss OF
her little hoad; 81 only Just feel nice and
smooth"
CATHOLIC priest in Jersey City was
greatly shocked at the discovery that several
young men of his flock had Joined literary soci-
ETY. called the Hawthorne club" "why," said
| he, Hawthorne was q transoendentalist." He
was willing they should belong to the club II tho
name OF the organization were changed. Where
upon the Times suggests tho Backbone club"
or briefly the "shillaleh."
THE New York Tribune tells US that the
officers ora certain church In that city have been
soliciting the opinions of prominent members OF
the congregation upon the desirability of intro
duc'ng liturgical services. Some Of the answers
| ara quaint. One gentleman writes that ho does
not object to responsive service II there is fair
understanding that oil hands shall 20 in. "But
ifit is only going to be chirp or two hore and
there, 1t will only be ridiculous, and you can
count me out" A lady writes that Bho does not
understand exactly what is meant by responsive
service, but If 1t means that she has got TO keep
saying she is miserable sinner" during prayer
time, she is opposed to it, u for 1t isn't true"
AT the late Dublin exhibition the novel
plan, which was both amusing and attractive,
was adopted of selecting by ballot at each con-
cert the music TO be performed at the next. This
has been initiated with great success by the man.
ager OF the Glasgow theater, who has introduced
the ballot principle in the selection of twelve
comedies to be performed. 1t isa tribute to the
genius of Ireland that with Scotch audience,
Sheridan's "School for Scandal" carried the
highest vote and Goldsmiths "She stoops TO cou-
quer" the second. shaksperc's Twelfth Night"
came third, and the " Comedy of Errors" fourth.
"Tho Rivals" fifth. oKeefe's a. Wild Oats F." also
found place in the ballot There was great
audience, upward of4,ooO votes being cast.
THE training" of the college boys for tho
great race between Harvard and Yale is not very
severe. For Harvard the course Of training, as
described by the captain consists in rising at and
| taking a short walk before breakfast at 8. The
breakfast consists OF oranges, oatmeal and rice,
eggs, beestenk, potatoes, and milk water. About
10 o'clock the hardest row of the day is taken At
p. IN. the men dine on roast beef or mutton yege-
tables and finish with Strawberries claret, ale or
Appolinarls. At $3.50 the crew arc again on the
water for atwo mile spin. On returning from their
afternoon exercise they indulge In supper, con-
sisting of cold oatmeal rice, beefsteak or mutton
chops, boiled chicken or fish, potatoes. eggs, and
strawberries and milk or water. At 10 they 20 to
bed. That is pretty good bill OF fare. With such
diet and exercise how many an unhealthy" man
would get we'll.
CAPTAIN WEBB, the famous English
swimmer, intends, 1t is said ITO undertake
swimming through the whirlpool rapids and the
dreaded maelstroms below Niagara Falls, from
which no one has ever yet emerged alive" So
says the Nei0 York Tribune. That whirlpool be-
tween Suspension bridge and Lewiston has done
q larger business on smaller capital during tho
last hly years than any other humbug OF the
period No one has ever "emerged alive" from
this dreaded maelstrom," It Is true, for the SIM
pie reason that no one has ever entered It alive,
except Robinson and his companions on the Maid
of the Mist. No living person has ever passed
through the dreadful rapids that lead TO the
whirlpool When the Maid OF the Mist passed
through the whirlpool the circular motion did moi
affect her a particle The movement OF the water
is sluggish and the dreadful maelstrom" is mere
Barnumese.
MANY people have wondered, on seer q
Gilbert and sullivan's "Iolanthe," why the Fairy
houses of parliament. The following from an
English paper reveals tho probable source
OF Mr. Gilberts inspiration In the matter
The other day, as tho grenadier on
guard at Somerset house, London, was stand
ing in the gateway, lady Of certain age
but still attractive and richly robed aecosted him
with handsome eulogeaof his martial figure and
warm approval Of the style in which he protected
his queen and country in the great dynamite
crisis. Private Thomas Atkins was naturally sur