The Evening critic., 1883-05-15
THE CRITIC ABROAD,

The frequenters of the Metropolitan
Hotel will remember the sleek and natty-
looking chef d'cuisino who presided over
tho wine-room and bar of the hotel some
years ago, and who was known to the
regulars as "Knickerbocker Joe." Joe was
an inveterate pra ctical joker, and many arc
the jokes he perpotrated upon the unsus-
pecting Majahs and Judges who bent their
elbows at his bar. His bald head, jet-black
mustache and merry twinkling eye seemed
to lend an additional attraction to the
place, and his lively witticisms made him
popular with the patrons.
General G., a portly gentleman, who
held high position in Washington in the
Quartermaster-G Generals Department dur
ing the war, was frequent visitor at the
Metropolitan, and seemed to enjoy an oc-
casional tankard of bitter beer or Bass ale
On one occasion he informed Joe in conf
dental manner that he believed tho bar
trade of the hotel was falling Off and
while no fault could be found with the
quality Of the liquid articles dispensed, ho
attributed it to the fact that other estab-
lishments were getting out an inviting
lunch--a choice little snack of that kind
was always enjoyable, etc, and an oyster,
artlsticslly fried, was, in his opinion, tho
proper caper' that would tickle the pal
ates of the patrons.
Joe, who, from former experiences, had
vowed eternal vengeance against the army
of lunch fiends who had operated upon
him in various establishments he had man
aged, smiled ghastly smile and gave the
General assurances that he would resolve
himself into q Committee of tho Whole on
the State Of the Union, and consider the
proposition by sections. General" said
/ Joe, you've got great brain, and have the
capacity to run hotel.'"
An india-rubber cross-barred mat, worn
out from long usage behind the bar, was
improvised by Joe, who cut IL into pieces
about the size and form of Chincoteague
oyster, and sending them into the kitchen
the cook covered them with batter aud
bread crumbs and fried them rich brown
color. The next time the General hove in
sight Joe lifted from beneath the counter
silver platter covered with snow-white
napkin, and heaped upon it luscious
looking pile of fried oysters, garnished and
trimmed off with sprigs Of parsley. Tho
General ordered his usual drink, aud as he
took survey of the bar his eyes soon lit
upon the silver platter and its inviting con-
tents.
"Why, Joe," exclaimed the General, =" 1
notice that you have practically adopted
my suggestion. And it displays good sense,
too. There is nothing so tempting with a
glass of ale as properly-cooked oyster. I
believe I'll try one"
General" said Joe, II have frequently
heard parties boasting of the delicious
flavor of Delmonicos and Finelli's fried
oysters, but Ill risk my reputation as a
cocktail manipulation if these do not waltz
off with the confectionery"
Carefully inserting a fork into the
lucious-looking appetizcrs, and sprinkling
salt upon it, Joe handed the General one Of
the oysters. The old veteran deposited il
| in his mouth and commenced chewing till
| he grew red in the face, and after twisting
| and turning it over without making any
impression upon it, he spit it out upon the
| tiled floor and stood amazed with astonish-
ment as the oyster bounded away from
| where he stood. Flushed with excitement,
and turning to Joe he yelled out:
"Youd id bald-headed son of sea cook
you internal Fenian bog-trotter, if you
| ever attempt to circulate this joke upon
| me I'll brain you! Such a contemptible
outrage was never perpetrated upon mortal
man."
After a lull in the storm of invectiye,
| Joe managed to say: Well, General, you
know how it is yourself. You mix around
among the boys great deal, and the only
| chance you've got is to get even on some
body else"
Having paciied the General, he in turn
sought out a victim, and found one in the
| person of jerry Quinn, jolly, good
natured son of Erin, who represented the
Troy District in the New York Congress
sional delegation.
Quinn was steered =" against the "fried
oyster" Metropolitan game, and victimized
but he enjoyed it hugely; and it was sug
| gested that he in turn should seek confd-
ing friend and try to get even. At that
hrt1 dol ~ ctn, ~ f1,s
| Metropolitan-the groom being wealthy
grocer from Troy, and personal friend Of
| Quinn's who had entertained them during
their stay at the Capital.
| "Now, Joe," said Quinn, If you can
| only set EN- up en- my friend Gilhooly
from Troy before he leaves town, I'll buy
you the finest hat in Jim Willet's store"
| With this additional inducement jos
started in; Gilhooly was frequent caller
at the bar, and the first appearance he made
in front he was invited to "try an oys
ter" but refused. He was told how few
there were who understood how to cook an
oyster, and how far the Artist who haG
handled these particular oysters ex-
celled in their manipulation, but Gilhooly
wouldn't accept.
"Axcuse me, sur" said he, when mar
is able to enjoy three good, square males {
day, why should he desthroy the lining o
his stomach with barroom lunch"
Repeated attempts were made to entrar
Gilhooly, but failed. Finally he was abou
to leave on his homeward trip, and Jo
suggested the propriety OF fixing him up
lunch which he might enjoy on the train.
Perhaps" said Joe, the madam woult
enjoy q bite on the way before reachin
Philadelphia
"Well," said Gilhooly,. ~ see you ar
determined to contribute to my comfort
and I'll accept light lunch for Mrs. G.. i
it gives you no trouble"
The lunch was prepared. A dozen o
more Of the oysters were carefully wrappet
in napkin and placed in box, and a
GIlhooly started off to take the limited ;
he carried box under his arm. Later il
the afternoon Quinn received a Telegram
from his friend Gilhooly at Philadelphia
as follows:
arrived safely. Am stopping at Con
tinental. Tell that bald-headed pirat
who bosses the lunch business at your hott
that / return on the next train, with
double-barreled rifle"
1t seems that some time after the trai
left Baltimore Mrs. Gilhooly produced th
) lunch which had been provided he
and extending an invitation to th
ladies Of the party and Others whose az
, quaintance had been formed while in th
car, the fried oysters were distributed an
) handed around, resulting in the dislocatio
of set of false teeth belonging to one
: the bridesmaids, and a narrow escape of th
: bride from being choked in her effort
swallow the bait. Jim Willet furnished h
hat
Most men in calm moments. more or les
| NJ hot tha~v