Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-06-29
FUN
"You Are Too Tart. :"


.'You Are Too Tart
A chastity pie-crust pallor. that is in
strange contrast to the ruddy flush Of his
new necktie, passes swiftly over George "
+, Simpsons face as Beryl McCloskey speaks
these words. and as they stand there to-
pether in the dim half-llght Of the conser-
yatory, in the soft perfume of the June roses
coming through the open window on the
signing breeze that is kissing the sawbuck
whose haggard form is sharply outlined
against the woodshed, he feels instructive
IL that this woman has been making toy
of his affection. The thought is a mad
dening one, and as it surges through his
brain and starts on the return trip the ag-
ony is so overpowering that the strong
man reels, and would have fallen had not
his pants been too tight.
ssDo you know what you have said.
Beryl?n he asks, bending his face close to
hers and looking with pitiful, pleading.
man-on-third-b ase-and-tw expires.
sions into the beautiful brown eyes that
are upturned to his. But there is no light
Of love in those dusky orbs. Around the
dropping mouth there are hard, tense lines.
and on the white brow nothing but the
perjury odor of homemade bandoline
And as she does not answer him, he turns
away, steps through the open window up
on the vsranda, and an instant later is
lost to view.
''MY!" exclaimed the girl, sobbing az if
she had mislaid her shoe-buttoner on ma
tinee day. ST have driven him away!''
aud she goes hastily and calls him.
There was little stir among the lilacs
and syringas, and an instant later George
has clasped her to his arms.
"And you do love me, after all ?'' he
asks.
She laughs softly, as if bewildered by
her sudden happiness. and then her eyes
filed with tears as she softly strokes bis
face.
"Yes, darling" is the answer, land
you must come to supper now. We are to
have hot biscuits. 1 made them myself"
You made them ?''
"Yes,' she whispers, "made them all
10y Enysslf."
"Then," he says coldly, ''you cannot
love me. " and he starts for the gate. The
girl follows him and cries in low. de-
spairing wall for him to come back. But
he does not heed hel. On and on he goes
when suddenly she sees him throw up his
arms, as the drowning man does when
battling with the very air for existence,
and disappears forever.
He had stepped into post-hole. Chi
eago Tribune.
Mrs. Jones-'Ah good morning to you
Mrs. Smith. Did you like the cream
sent you ?" Mrs. Smith-"Oh, very much.
thank you" Mrs. Jones-"Yes, and if
you could let me have the pot sent it in |
you'd otlige me, eos. you see, it 's my old |
mans shaving mug, and he don't like no |
other"
Willie has four-year-old sister, Mary,
who complained to mama that her button |
shoes were hurting her. why, Mary,
you've put them on the wrong feet" Puz- |
zled and ready to cry, she made the ans
wer: "Whatll I do. mamma? They're
all the feet I've got.''
IF your boarding house should take |
IRE at night what would you do to get the
people out ?" asked the fire marshall of an
Experienced matron. ''Oh, there would |
be no trouble about that,'' was the reply
81 would Just ring the breakfast bell, and |
all the boarders would be in the dining |
room in three minutes.
us your mistress in 7" said caller to |
the domestic. s'She is. sir. +" us she en- !
gagged ?" asked the csller. Faith, she is |
s'she's married"
A medical writer says children need |
more wraps than adults. They generally |
get more.
False hair now so closely resembles the /
natural growth that it is difficult to tell |
which is switch.
A philosophical son of Erin was over
heard remarking to friend, "Have good |
time while you live, for you're long while |
dead 10
Said Brown: "Smith won't have 80 soft |
thing as he has had" 81 don't know"
replied Robinson; ''he III have soft thing |
80 long as he doesn't lose his head.''
The newspapers often print the "last
words" of men, but never those of women.
The latter would take up too much room.
and crowd out all the advertisements.
A fine language: "Procrastinate ees to
put off, eh see. Tres bienl Then the
man who ees drunk you procrasGinate from
the cars. Yer seemple, YER fine Ian
guage."
It is said that when cricket alights On
the neck of N ew ork dude he screams
louder than the girl who sees snake at
picnic.
A little boy went to his first tea party
when four years and three months DID,
Upon his hostess asking him how be liked
his tea, he replied, sIt's very nice, but it.
tastes very much of the water Pr
Too heavy to carry: .tBah Jovel" ex.
claimed young Dudiboi, ''the weathah is
getting 80 mild, yer know, that 1 must
have the ferral taken off my cane It's
too beastly heavy for warm day, yer
know"
YES" said the former member of the