The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-02-22
PUNaENT PARAGRAPHS.

The sad-eyed poet sings and sighs
because there are no birds in last years
nests. Such q man would howl for the
banana in the peel OF the past.-N O.
Pscayu,se.
"A Philadelphia man who wants to
die, but doesn't want to disgrace his
friends by committing suicide, has en-
gagged a fifth-story room in hotel and
Is awaiting his fate. Philadelphia Chron-
tcle-H Herald
-Sunfiower leaves are now used in
the manufacture of cigars. If they have
an estheticising effect on man itshows
itself very singularly in his discourse after
he has tried to smoke one.-SomeYvitl
Journal.
India rubber is now adulterated with
pulverized cork, and it has got so that
YOU can't tell dealer in gum shoes tc
cork up without his getting as red in the
face as an Italian sunset.-Boston Irons-
crfpt.
MARY Jane" said Dickey, .-isn't
this weather too cold for potatoesp''
.Dickey," said Mary jane, sit isn'tcold
that takes off the potatoes; it consump.
tion." 'sO," said Dickey, 81 never lived
on farm. -Co1rier-Journal.
Nothing is better calculated t. de
stroy mans equanimity than to have o
lady walk up to him while he is linger.
| ing near fruit-stand and offer him two
cents for an apple, when in reality he is
only waiting for horse-car to come
along.-Puck.
"A poem in the Cambridge TsjbnHe
| begins: s.Am well or unwellp Am ]
| living at allP' After looking the stuff
through, the reader is bound to conclude
| that the writer was decidedly unwell
and it is very doubtful if by this time be
is s.living at all" He wouldn't be if his
identity were known.-Lot0eu Citizen.
An exchange announces in tone
| of surprise: s9The Gar and Czarine
have been dancing at ball." There
doesn't seem to be anything out of the
way in such conduct. This is what balls
are for. Now, if they had danced at .
prayer-meeting, comment would have
been in order.-NorristoaD Herald.
els the lady of the house inp' aske,
% tramp of the servant who rang the
door-bell of one of the stateliest mansions
in Austin. .sDe lady OBJ de house don't
come to de door to talk wild de like oh
you." "Then," said the tramp, elevat
ing the remnant of hat, with grace
Chesterfield might have envied, '.tell the
lady of the house gentleman wishes to
speak with her in the parlor. ."-1erGs
SJtings.
Lime Kiln philosophy apropos OF
the death of Elder Spooner: He was
honest, an darfore poo. He was con-
scienshus, and darfore ragged. He was
fully of mercy, an pity, an sympathy,
an darfore had the reputation of bein'
weak in de second story. l doan' ad.
wise any man to be wicked, but desire tc
carelessly remark dat de real good man
who am obleeged to turn his paper col
lars am Stunned by society and laffed d
by de world."- Detroit Free Press.
job Smith, assistant keeper of th'
Highland lights at Navasink, N. J..
being imprisoned alone in the building
by snow storm, attempted to thaw ou
the lard-oil pipes of the lights with al
alcohol fiambeau, and was nearly burned
to death by the flaming alcohol. He raj
! out of the house all ablaze, and save,
himself by diving into the snow, although
|, he was terribly burned. He attendet
the lights until daylight and then sig
nailed to the village at the foot of th
hill for aid. when the regular keepe
came to his relief. He will be marke'
for life, but his condition is not considere'
critical.