Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1883-11-15
PLEASANTRIES,

| FLtASAN RiES.
AM running on the broad guage
railroad" said the conductor, as he
pocketed IS cents out OF dollar fare
NorTistoWn Herald.
A VIRGINIA thief escaped from Jail by
crawling through stovepipe. Wonder
if he was sooted for that method of es.
cape.- : Witliansport Girl.
A BLUE-sToCK1NG has written an essay
on "The Disadvantage of Being Pretty. J"
Most girls are good.natured and willing
to put up with the disadvantages.
AN Ohio dentist has devoted himself
to active politics, probably on the ground
that his calling has fitted him for "tak-
ing the stump. p."-Pats6urg Telegraph.
ACCORDING to the New York Journal.
ga good sculptor ought to make model
husband. Not 30; but he ought to
have model wife. "-Rochester Post
Express.
"YEs, said Amy. "I went to the
telephone and put the thingumbob to
my ear" "Thingumbob'' screamed
the high-sehool girl; "you mean the au.
dituent tube"
Mrs. MARY MAPEs DODGE makes
81 600 year by her pen. A man in Gin
cinnati who hasn't enough education to
write doggerei poetry makes cool mil
lion from his pen, but it's hog pen.
IF France wants to get ahead of the
celestials in the 'Tonqnin business, she
should send over to this country and
raise an army OF hired girls. For des-
troying China there is nothing equal to
them.
A Texas owl mistook sleeping mans
head for chicken, and fastened his
claws into his hair and scalp. +" Well,
what's the matter now, old woman ?"
said the assailed, as he awoke.-Jersey
City Journal.
A Boston school-boy-" Why are the
fellows who belong to certain cadet
corps like General Warren? Because
the last thing General Warren did was
to die for his country, and it is the last
thing they would do"
81 THOUGHT" remarked the victim.
after the dentist had dragged him around
the room several times, 81 thought you
advertised to extract teeth without
pain ?" $50 I do, sir" replies the
operator blaudly: "it doesn't hurt me
at all.
A GERMAN writing in one of the Ber-
lin papers of his campaigns gives the
following interesting item: "In this
battle we lost the brave Capt. Schule. A
cannon ball took off his head. His last
words were: Bury me on the spot where
I fell."
FAT cook with unconscious bushes
to the lady who wants to engage herr:
Gas to their bein' no followers allowed,
mum, you might recollect as how you've
been single yourself; and girl as is
rather SNOWY in figure can't well help
'em comm about"
"SEE here, sir" exclaimed Philadel-
phia man angrily, approaching dude,
"what do you mean by flirting your
handkerchief at my wife," "I earnest.
ly beg your pardon, answered The dude,
F" mistook the lady for my grandmoth-
er." ."-Philadelohia Call.
"JoHN," said Mrs. Parvenu to her
husband, there is to be another Eliot
bible sold, and you had better buy it. :"
"What for? ?" inquired Mr.. Parvenu.
Because" said his wife, "it's the new
version-the revised editior-and we
must have it or people will talk, you
know"
JOHN JONES lived in Cleveland. While
milking he tied the cows tail to his leg,
as the flies kept that appendage Hopping.
After he was taken three times around
the COW pasture on his back he re-
marked: 81 recognize my mistake. l
should have tied her tail to her own leg
instead of mine"
A BEAUTIFUL young girl was about to
be married to bachelor 70 years of age,
but very rich. On the eve of her mar
riage she learned that his wealth had
been suddenly swept away, leaving him
desert him in this his hour of trouble :?
She did indeed, and her parents helped
her, too.
The Kansas CITY Times says that if
j. L. d. will look in the American Cy.
clopedia he will read as follows: "Bo-
logna is famous for poodle dogs and
sausages (mortadella), but the pure
breed of the former has become very
scarce" If he can see any unwelcome
connection in this sentence, he can Join
us in expressions of regret.
A WELL KNOWN journalist recently en-
bodied in his editorial on one of the is
sues OF the day quotation, introducing
il in this manner: Gas a certain good
writer once said," etc. When his wife
read the article she asked, "Who is this
good writer you refer to?" The editor
hesitated moment, then modestly :e-
Piled, "Myself."
A CERTAIN clergyman has happy
way of applying quotations from the
Bible or elsewhere. On one occasion
he met little child who had been un-
able to keep pace with her mother, and
was crying bitterly, fancying she was
lost. The clergyman paused to pacify
the little one, and said, soothingly.
Hush, my child; she is not lost, but
gone before. ."-Haroer' s Basar.
ONE of the curious and amusing typo.
graphical errors which creep into news
papers, despite the diligence of even the
most lynx-eyed proof-reader, appears in
a San Francisco paper, which meant to
say that "Judge Thomas exchanged
benches with Judge Scott yesterday"
but the cruel types made it read, "Judge
Thomas exchanged breeches with Judge
Scott yesterday"
A MAN going home at late hour in
the night saw that the occupant of a
house standing flush with the street had
left window up and he decided to warn
them and prevent burglary. Putting
his head into the window he called out:
"Hello! good peo-" That was all he
said. A whole pailful of water struck
him in the face and as he staggered back
a woman shrieked out: "Dldn't tell
you what you'd get if you wasn't home
by 9 o'clock?"
The other day old Dave received tel
egram from man down in the country
who wanted him to come down and clean
out his we'll. After some one had read
the dispatch to the old man he SAID:
"De Lawd hab mussy on sich man as
is. Gettin' more 'portant ebery day.
Got letter yestiday, an now Tee dun
got 'spach. Uh huhl When da kain't
reach me wild postofice da stretches
airter me wild de Telegraph. ."-Arkansau
| Tru,eIer