The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1883-06-07

The Fellows with Missions and Other
Cranks.
Arthur aud Dynamite Execution In
the White House.
A Singular Fish in Journalism.

WASHINGTON, June 4.-ISpec!al cof-
respondence.I Every fellow having q
special mission on earth gravitates
towards Washington. Whenever one idea
fasteps itself on his brain he makes tracks
towards the seat Of government. lie can
only yentiate it through the president O.
the congress, or he must have it patented
happened to be in the White-House Oh
the morning of Guiteau's execution when
wild looking loug-haired creature hailing
from Cleaveand, Ohio, entered the general
reception room. The pr sident had not
appeared, and our hero, with large pack
age under his arm, went forward 10 the
presidents table, and in the presence oil
twenty or more persons deposited u care,
fully. With wild glare oftriumph he looked
about him. Everybody expected an explo-
sion. OF course il was an internal machine.
Several spectators made hurried exlcs:
others stood closely against the wall ana
behind screens anG furniture. All seemed
more or less alarmed by the presence oi
'Guiteau's supposed avenger, by whose
hand Arthur was to fall" The wild in
truder and his terrible magazine were more
intently stared at than was ever successor
of George Washington. The machine was
two feet high and six inches square An
east Tennesseean more self possessed than
the rest of us, approached the "Grank" and
smilingly asked, what is the purpose OF
your pretty machine ~
"Ohm answered the wanderer from ONO,
sit ia only patent gallows. l fetched 1t TO
the president to hang Guiteau with"
He at once stripped the covering
from the deminutive gallo~s, manakin
weight, he fell drought The opening, the
neck cracked and then the machine itself,
nv its own action, pitched the deminutlye
Guiteau out. He fell across the presi-
dents inkstand exceedingly dead. His
neck, as he lay, was foot long.
THE MORAL EFFECT.
The spectators we're well pleased. 1t was
not their neck that was broken or skull thai
was cracked. The East Tennesseean again
was first to speak. Evidentally he was not
willing that President Arthur should be
unpleasantly reminded Of the coming ter
rible event involving the death OF the man
who had made him president; Mildly ana
sean suggest to the gallows crank that the
president was not the execuuoner
but that Marshal Henry would btdelighted
to inspect the patent neck iracturer. Inc
crank stared steadily moment IN my
friends kindly face, slowly bagged his ma,
chime, and hurried away TO hnd Marshal
Henry. The president escaped an IN,
pleasant interview and we had seen one OF
thousand like him who Travelled thops-
and miles to strangle Guiteau artislcally.
MORE CRAEKs.
There are more cranks with absurd or
outIawed claims against the treasury
than those of any other monomania.
hungry look, their clothes are threadbare
and questionable but scrupulously clean,
their hair long and eyes at1ame. Beware
of entrance into conversation with one OF
these pests of social and business lie IN the
capital. Those having peculiar missions
some great, good and GLORIOUS woik s 70 10,
or those carrying subscription papers 70
provide for the burial of some poor devh,
some ex.congressman or other fallen mag
nate-those are cranks whom one must
zealously avoid in Washington. Beg
CARS in winter time, boot-blacks news
boys and hackmen are intoleTabie
pests but not to be compared with these
cranks of one and another sort, each having
a mission" Crandall came, chief OF all
these, Greenbackism was his "nission."
He rode it, booted and spurned 1t TIL us
life was extinct. Wash Jones carried us
bones home with him, and Crandall now
rides any hobby that comes racking by.
Another fellow with mighty mission has
risen above the surface of the sea OF news
paperdom in the capital, the first oyster"
| such is his name-that ever drliteo out
upon the breakers on which
CrandaPs bark went down. he
pronounces himself the Indianapolis"
and raises mighty uproar. Not even an
oyster" can keep atoat on single plank
on the great boisterous sea OF American
politics. But anti-monopoly will have a
great run for little time. Novelty gives II
attractiyeness, and when this is worn of the
childish toy becomes a worthless bauble.
IL has no virtue or usefulness that does not
inhere in democracy, and anti-monopoly
and oyster will soon be entombed with
greenbackism and Crandall.
PERSONAL.
Walter z. Brownlow, who foisted himself
| into the position of doorkeeper OF the ma
tional house of representatives by suffering
| il to be represented that he was the son Of
| the famous parson, Governor Bfownlow, OF
Tennessee; and who suffered IL to be stated
\ that he had been a Union soldier in the
| late war, when, in fact, he was but fourteen
wears old ~ the close Of the great struggle,
will soon retire into native insig-
nificance. He will make strenuous
efforts to avert the cadaverous
fate in store for him. He cheekily asks 20
| be made governor of one OF the territories
| To the end that the administration may
know what manner OF man this Brownlow
! is, some one should mail the executive a
paper telling of this Brownlow's anteced-
| ents in connection with the means adopted
| in foisting himself into a position by
suffering himself 10 be represented as the
son Of somebody else's father.