Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-09-14
ORR KALEIDOSCOPE.


in playing the cornct.
The time of young ladies is divided into
two arts Half of tn. time they wait for
the mails, and the other half for the males.
81 do love to visit at Mrs Wilcox.," sad
Mrs. Bascom. "Shc always dspenses with
such liberal hospitality"
IT Alexander had had Socrates wife, he
would not have wept for more worlds to CON
quer.
Some of the Epitaphs which the President
ran across in the Tombstone region were as
follows; "killed in a row Aug. l2" "Shot
by Jake Smith, July 10" Hung by Vigiants"
Sacred to the memory of Bill Jones. He
lifted cattle"
The mythology Of the milkmsd Pan.
ITS goin' to rain tomorrow" said Mrs.
Biscom. See those fcecy circus clouds"
Have You Seen My Dear Love ~ sings
newspaper poetess. We have He was
ealing peanuts with another girl.
we cannot be clinging to the shady nook
by the wayside, and at III. same time be
making our way up the mountain sde," says
writer, Right you are. We didn't &c, any
further up than that, either
A Coney Island boy picks up along the
shore four bushels of corks every day, and
sells them. Well, bottle OF milk is very
nice to take for luncheon.
An employc of the Lehigh Valley Rail-
road liz Pennsylvania has six fingers and
thumb on each hands. Providence evident.
ly intended that he should couple cars.
Machine politics require lots Of cranks.
Enquirer" wants to know the duties of a
Board of Education in a country town! We
don't know, unless it is to furnish free hash
for the schoolmaster.
Anger is passion which may be rel in
the face.
Young Popinjay says ho doesn't think a
girl who wears whalebonc corsets ought to
be called one of the softer sex.
The average citizen is content to have for
his bosom friend washerwoman who knows
how to starch shirts.
A cool wave-a gesture Of dismissal.
Bobson call. his dog Zero" because he
is a cur OF low degree:
A exchange tells OF Il gun that was acct
dentally discharged, striking boy 10 years
old in the back of the neck" We wonder
how old he was all overs
The New York Star has an article entitled
"Dr. Talmage on Cyclones" We should
think the doctor was on cyclone q good
share OF the time.
An attempt is to be made at III, next .es-
sion Of Congress to impose prohibitory duty
on the importation of rags. Ii this bill passes
the expenses OF the Democratic party will be
increased three-fourths.
A Boston dog recently ran away, and
turned up in Chicago Although he was a
a yer, valuable animal, the family refused
to receive him back, ON the ground that he
had disgraced himself by travelling where he
did.
A professional athlete recently walked for
twenty minutes with brick in his mouth.
This feat is only eclipsed by the professional
hummer who walks all night with brick 10
his hat.
Music hath charms to soothc the savage
breast, but not the civilized. 1t usually
breeds small cyclone in the latter.
The newspapers report a terrible disaster
on the Newfoundland banks. In view Of
the late financial crashes the public will b,
glad tQ know that it is only terrible loss OF
life from big winds and high tides, Tb,
banks are all right.
Oscar Wild's newplay, Vera" is to be pu
on the road. We hope the road will dwndl,
into cow-patE and run up atrce and into
knot-hole.
The brig Joseph Cook was lost in the re
cent tempest of Bermuda This is the flrst
time that anything named Joseph Cook wa.
ever put down by opposition wind. -Boston
Transcript.
What is the difference between n muscular
tramp aud a newly cleaned lamp? Only
this, one is wel-limbed tramp and the
other is well-trimmed lamp. city Der.
rick.
| A Nevada man who was offered S25, eco
for what everybody supposed was dla
mond In the rough hung on to the stone un.
I'll fifteen cents was the highest value given
it by an expert The owner will permit you
to kick him on very reasonable terms -
Detroit Free Pres.
Il understand that you referred to me as
a pig, SIR" remarked a pompous elderly gen
tleman to young man who had poken dis