National Republican., 1883-05-19

AMERICA beats the world in fsh--and fish
stories
CLEANLINESS is next to godliness," and
the Boston Globe says that s the reason why wash.
ing day comes on Monday.
ALTHOUGH Mr. Vanderbilt retired rather
precptously, the Norristown Herald Is inclined to
believe that his accounts arc all straight.
THE last gentleman who was hanged in
New York tried to bite the sheriff and deputies
He must have been unusually hungry -Courfer.
Journal.
Mr.. WILLIAM DooDLE--"Yes, Miss Frost,
always wear gloves at night they make ones
hands so soft" Miss Frost--"Ah, and do you sleep
with your hat on ?-Nei0 York Life.
CHILD was born recently In Now Phila-
delphia Ohio, that has neither arms nor legs. It
Is believed by the Chicago Tribune that tho White
Stockings could win game In N ew Philadelphia
QUEEN VICTORIA has bestowed the title of
baronet upon sixteen physicians. II must be
vastly more enjoyable to get oue's quietus at the
hands Of baronet than to perish miserably under
the treatment OF a common M. d.
"Now THEN. Witness" said the cross. ex.
| amining counsel sternly, "does the preceding
witness enjoy your entire conhdence?" "Great
Scott mol Why, that's my wife. ."-Sdn Francisco
| Post
AN eastern paper says that Peck, Of the
Milwaukee Sun, receives u larger yearly income
| from his newspaper work than Emerson realized
during his entire life. Emerson, however, was
not obliged to live In Milwsukee.--Cai
| Tribune
JUDGE BARNUM says ho asked q newsboy
| once II he knew the way to the Sherman house.
| The urchin stopped and looked at him in wonder.
| and then answered: JewhillikIns don't wish
l he'd as menny dollars as know the way to the
Sherman. - Chicago News.
Mr.. VANDERBILT said that his chief object
In taking sea voyage was to enable him to get up
| an appetite. Some Of his fellow passengers who
noticed him leaning penslvely over the rail ex-
pressed the opinion that no had met with con.
siderable success.-Post. Express.
THE south is solid on stupendous stories.
The orlando (Fla.) Reporter tells of hen which,
having laid her eggs from the limb of tree now
persists In sittngon the aforesaid limb aud cluck-
ing for chickens. Tho owner is leaving her thore
In the hope that she will hatch an orange grove.
AT a recent southern camp meeting the
eloquent divine said. The wheels Of the right
eous shrek and groan as they toll up the hill Of
salvation and aver the ruts Of temptation aud tho
bridge OF damnation and have TO scrowdge pretty
lively TO get up at all but the sinner with creased
wheels and flying colors, slips down defamation
like dose of OIL with q rip and whizz, and
raises no dust whatever" Now who says oratory
is a lost art? asks LIE.
NEW YORK Commercial Aduertiser High
tied-The bow on a bonnet. The great dipper--
Tho milkman. .. Fair pay-The raffie at a church
| festival. 1t was compositor who discovered
that cockroaches were good bait for trout....The
| snakes found this season arc said 10 have horns,
Whittier are we drifting D.. The original "Uncle
Tom" continues to die with apersistent, yet reck-
less regularity. IA woman named Sofa was re-
Gently arrested in Kentucky for stealing. She
should be sat down on.
AN exchange says: "a Mississippi dog bit
of boys nose and swallowed It." The PittsburR
Commercial says this shows the thoughtfulness Of
the dog. II he had swallowed the nose without
biting It off, It must have prove fatal to the boy.
Not many weeks ago 1t was cabled across tho sea
| TO Boston paper that Russian nobeman had
accidentally swallowed his false teeth, as though
there was anything remarkable about that. The
Rochester Unfon says II the false teeth had swal-
lowed the nobleman, there would have been
something to telegraph about
ONCE in while dishonest man shows the
sincerity OF his reformation in something moro
tangible than words In Quincy, ILL.,, a few years
ago, man occupying position OF trust stole
$4,000 and dccamped to Mexico. According to
the popular belief, his ill.gotten wealth ought to
have brought nothing but disaster to him; but
on the contrary. the Investments that he made
brought to him handsome fortune. AS he now
had plenty OF money, his conscience impelled
him to restore the money which he had stolen.
He did SO; and, having competence, will proba-
bly, be strictly honest In the future
Miss EFFIE d. PUTNAM, Of Flint, Mich,
secured an autograph Of Victor Hugo, in response
to letter which she wrote him asking for IL. 1t
Is on heavy card, and In trembling lines and
with many an ink spatter runs as follows: "To
love is to act. Victor Hugo" The Courier Jour.
nal says II has loug suspected that the great
writer hnd hankering for the stage, but that he
should give his feelings away to young woman
whom he has never seen, and who lives In
strange and distant land when he might have
disclosed his ambition to newspaper reporter
right at home, is puzzle compared TO which the
|, Tobin criss-cross was an airy nothing.
The tramp has always been abroad and
doubtless always viii be. Herejs record OF him
in the time OF Henry VIM. civilian Payne
whipped as vagraunt strong begger at Chester. in
the City Of Chester according to the law, the 18th
day OF Febry in the Goth yere of the reign OF our
most dred soyereigne Lord II. ye eight, was as
signed to passe forthwith and directly. from thens
to Chippen Warren in the Co. OF Northampton,
J where he says that he was borne, and he Is
lymittyd TO be there within 10 dayez then next en-
suying at his pel. witnez the scale OF the ofiyc
of the mairathe of the cittie aforesaid aud place
where no was ponysshe is hereunto sett"
AN old co llege ball player, who evidently
took part In the Yale matches Of 1866, writes 10
he New York Evening Post about the changes in
the game since that day. He recalls one game with
country club, In which the score was l44 to 46.
One country nine, famous for proves in hitting,
had its bats made Of huge square pickets "whit.
tied" down ut one end. Another team boro vast
round beams OF ofbasswood as largeas mans thigh,
!, bored out and charged with corks to make them
, light Against the slow pitching OF that primitive
period these colossal pudding sticks proved sngu-
larly effective. Then, as now, the whole seasons
Q play at Hamilton park led up TO the great game
/ with Harvard in July.
THE Turcomans Of the Central Asian
steppes are rough SGT OF jokers and recently
"played It" upon the shah OF Persia in a way he
Y must despise only an oriental can. short
o time ago that monarch sent some music boxes
Z and mirrors as presents 10 the khan OF BokhAra
+ Tho khan IN return sent the shah half a dozen
d particularly ptetty odalisques, not one Of whom
a was moro than sixteen years old On the way
they were captured by some Turcomaus. The
: shah first tried to recApture them, and then
: offered as a ransom for them a number OF decora.
d tons including the great Sun and Lion order
3 These the Turcomans scorned, saying they pre-.
= ferred odaisquos to jewels every time. Finally
4 the shah offered 1000 francs apiece for the girls
which the Turcomans accepted But after the
o money was paid and the odalsques brought "a
n the palace, the Persian monarch fairly howled
l. with nry at discovering that the peridious rob-
IA hers Ind kent tha UHWeet kiNteanan and RAnt him