Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-07-24
BRIGHT BITS.

IT WAS rather cowardly in the apopleXy
to strike a little fellow like Tom Thumb
Boston Transcript.
ia GREAT big man calls you liar,
treat him with silent contempt. DO not,
however, make your contempt too con-
spicuOus.-Drake'S IrdUeters Magazine.
ssYoUR COMPOSITION" said an Austin
school teacher to Johnny FlZZletoIh us
the worst in the lot. You begin by put
ting no period at the end of the last SEN
tence. "-IerdS SiftiHqS.
WHAT happy way of putting things
the real poet has. Now, Burns, instead
of saving Beware of pickpocketsH' eX-
presses the same idea by "A chiefs among
We takin' notes. '-BOStOB Courier.
s.TN raiIroading now" said young
man. as he shook hands with a friend in
the Globe Hotel this morning; Il occupy
the position of second conductor" Nv hat
is the difference between first and second
conductors was the query. Nv by, you
see. the first conductor starts the train,
and the second one stops it.-SgrdcuSe
Herald.
"WHAT Is THAT lying ON your desk"
asked Gus De Smith of young society
business man at whose office he happened
to be. ''ThOse are my receipted bills
that have lust paid" 'Receipted bills?
You don't say sou exclaimed Gus, with
animation. Let me look at them, please.
have not seen anything of the kind in
the last five years" -IerdS SiftngS.
FREQUENT SCENES at the post office
stamp window: Clerk-"AnOther cent,
please" Customer" We'll, | guess not.
The two-cent law commenced on the lst
of July" Clerk-'IOu are mistaken. 1t
doesn't 90 into effect until October.
Another cent. please. Hurry up" Gus
toner Indignantly )-''Well take it, but /
think it's an outrage. adrian Times.
GRIGsLEY GIVES up law and becomes
wine ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Nv here do
YOU dine to-day, PompeyY' POmpey
Bedell. Junior: "With the governor
Grigsley: Don't touch his champagne,
old man. | warn yOur' POmpey Bedell,
Junior: '"How about the claret" Grigs-
ley: Cant say anything about his claret.
Doesn't get it here, you knOW."-Punch.
SHE WAS asked what she thought of one
of her neighbors of the name of Jones,
and with knowing look replied, ''Why,
| don't like to say anything about my
neighbOrs. but as to MIR. Jones, sometimes
| think. and then again | don't know, but
after all rather guess he'll turn out to
be a GOOD deal such a sort of a man as /
| take him to be."-,Sdp Francisco NelrS-
| Letter.
| PATENT MEDICINE prOprietors have in
| vented a new duNGItlSiI8 StuGilt lHuL
! beats the New YOrk-TeXas duel dodge.
They organize base ball clubs and cnristen
them with the names of their respective
patent medicines, and when the mines
| play a game-which they do every day or
| two-the result appears in many of the
leading dailies something after this Style
| Star, %; Cholera Mixture, 2.-NOrrtStOlcR
Herald.
ASTRONOMER r. A. Proctor's family,
or at least the feminine portion thereof,
discarded cOrsets, and now gallOp about
in the divided skirt. One of the advant-
ages of the ''divided skirt cited by the
scientist is increase of warmth" Away
with it. That's enough! Increase of
warmth in July! Hale away the man
that invented it. To the block with him.
So much for the divided skirt. We
wouldn't even own one le-ha, one arm Of
it.-BuTdette.
s.MR. SMITH," said a Boston grocer the
other day to an old farmer who had long
been customer of his, Il have received
several complaints in regard to that but
ter | bought of YOU" "NOv Indeed, it
tasted very queerly to me. What could
have allied it?'' "Wall, now, we had
new hired gal that week, and it might be
possible that she didn't git the proportions
right proportions? THAT is, she
got i'm too much grated carrot; but you kin
tell YOUR customers that carrots are per-
fectly healthy and awful good for the
liver. We alius select the best and wash
'em through two waters Val Street
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