The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1883-07-25


and they both jumped on me, and l see
the only way to get out Of it honorably,
was to get out real spry. and I got out.
Then we sat down under tree, to eat
lunch, and my girl swallowed pickle
the wrong way, and I pounded her on
the back, the way ma does me when
choke, and she yelled, and policeman
grabbed me and shook me, and asked
me what was hurting that poor girl for,
and told me if did itagain he would ar
rest me. Everything went wrong. After
dark somebody fred a Roman candle in
to my girls hat, and set it on fire, and
grabbed the hat and stamped on it, and
spoiled her hair that her ma bought her.
By gosh, thought her hair was curly,
but when the wig was of, her own hair
was as straight as could be. But she was
purity, all the same. We got under an
other tree, to get away from the smell of
burned hair, and boy set off Niger
chaser, and it ran right at my girls feet,
and burned her stockings, and woman
put the fire out for her, while I looked
for the boy that fired the Niger chaser,
but didn't want to find him. She was
pretty near q wreck by that time, though
she had all her dress left except the polo
naise, and we went and sat under tree
in quiet place, and I put my arm
around her and told her never to mind
the accidents, cause it would be dark
when We got home, and just then spark
dropped down through the tree and fell
in my pistol pocket, right next to her,
where my bunch of firecrackers was, and
they began to 60 off, Well, never saw
such sight as she was. Her dress was
one of these mosquito bar, cheese cloth
dresses, and it burned just like ink. l
had presence Of mind enough to roll her
on the grass and put out the fire, but in
doing that 1 neglected my own conAagra-
ton, and when got her put out, my
coat tail and trowsers were total loss.
Ny, but she looked like goose that has
been picked, and looked like fireman
that has fell through hatchway. My
girl wantedto 60 home, and took her
home, and her pa was sitting on the
front steps, and he wouldn't accept her,
looking that way. He said he placed in
my possession whole girl, clothed and
in her right mind, and I had brought
back burnt offering. He teaches in our
Sunday-school, and knows how to talk
pious, but his boots are offul thick. /
tried to explain that I was not RESPONSE
ble for the fireworks, and that he could
bring in bill against the government,
and showed him how I was bereaved
of a coat tail and some pants, but he
wouldn't reason at all, and when his foot
hit me I thought it was the resurrection,
sure, and when got over the fence, and
had picked myself mp I never stopped
till I got to Duffy's and set up with
him, cause thought her pa was after
me, and thought he wouldn't enter
sick room and maui a watcher at the
bedside of an invalid. But that settles it
with ME about celebrating. ! don't care
if we did whip the British, after declar-
ing independence, don't want my pants
burnt of. What is the declaration of in
dependence good for to girl who loses
her polonaise, and has her hair burned
off, and a niger chaser burning her
stockings? No, sir, they may talk about
the glorious 4th of July, but will it bring
back that blonde wig, or retail my coat ?
Hereafter am rebel, and will 60 out
in the woods the way pa does, and come
home with black eye, got in a rational
way"
"what, did your pa get black eye,
too? hadn't heard about that" said
the grocery man, giving the boy a
handful of unbaked peanuts to draw
him out. Didn't get to fighting, did
he?"
mo, pa don't fight. It is wrong, he
says, to fight, unless you are sure you
can whip the fellow, and pa always gets
whipped, go he quit fighting. You see,
one of the deacons in our church lives
out on farm, and all his folks were 60
ing away to spend the 4th, and he had
to do all the chores, 80 he invited pa and
ma to come out to the farm and have q
nice quiet time, and they went. There
is nothing pa likes better than to go out
on farm, and pretend he knows every
thing. When the farmer got pa and ma
out there he set them to work, and ma
shelled peas while pa went to dig pota-
toes for dinner. I think it was mean for
the deacon to send pa out in the corn
field to dig potatoes, and after he had
dug up whole row of corn without find
ing any potatoes, to set tie dog on pa,
and tree him in m apple tree near the
bee hives, and then 60 and visit with ma
and leave pa in the tree with the dog
barking at him. Pa said he never knew
how mean a deacon could be, until he
had sat on limb of that apple tree all
the afternoon. About time to do chores
the farmer came and found pa, and called
the dog of, and pa came down, and then
the farmer PLAYED the meanest trick of
all. He said city people didn't know how
to milk cows, and pa said he wished he
had as many dollars as he know how to
milk COWS. He said his spechulty was
milking kicking cows, and the farmer
gave pa tin pail and milking stool,
and let down the bars, and pointed out to
pa the worst COW on the place. Pa knew
his reputation was at stake, and he went
| up to the COW and punched it in the
flank and said, hist, confound you
Well, the cow wasn't histing COW, but
q histing bull, and pa knew it was bull
as quick as he see it put down its head
and beller, and pa dropped the pail and
stool and started for the bars, and the
bull after pa. don't think it was right
| in ma to bet two shillings with the far
mer that pa would get to the bars before
the bull did, though she won the bet. Pa
said he knew it was bull just as soon as
the horns got tangled up in his coat tail,
and when he struck on the other side Of
the bars, and his nose hit the ash barrel
where they make lye and soap, pa said
he saw more fireworks than we did at
| &ho cold;or,a Homo pa wOuldn't cnln-