Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-05-06
REaIBEER RAPS.
ga Burlesque wsrd 10 often Mighty
kavmon.v

Inc sOOtD6t OI mIs L.
The use of gin has ruined many a genius.
Xxx. And the use of genins has ruined
lots Of good old gin. -
wEmay struggle. we may work In vain,
but we'll finally get there, all Of rs, aud
be real estate owners. When We die Wen
get lot. .s .... ..
l. that American mummy, gushing Geb-
hardt, would only try his hand in Ken
lucky, he might be persuaded that full
hand beats q sickly pair three hundred and
sixty.fve days each year, and AN extra
one thrown in every fourth.
WHrsEvFE you hear a woman bossting
about her diamonds, that are as beautiful
as q moohbeam on Lapland snow" you
can take consolation in the fact that if she
depended on her brains to. get them. she
couldn't wear brilliants made out of beer
bottles.
Nor long ago we noticed an article in
newspaper headed Education That Kills" y
We would like to know whether it will
kill any OF the young scamps who de-
bauched several young lady students at
Chelsea, Mass. In that case, however, ed
ucation will kill the student or the student
will kill education. Its stand oil.
In the Spring, n brighter smile is seen upon
the landlords face;
In Tic spring the agent asks what YOU would
like done ahJut the place:
In the Spring, friends find you French MATS
which thCy think you might approrc.
In tie Spring. a womsn's fancy lightly turns
20 thoughts or move.
In the summer, lovely w"tnan's fancy
t1rns To cream.
In the summer, mosquitoes ser"matc us
while We dream,
la the summer, when the weather make us
feel very queer.
In the summer, man, fancy lightly turns 10
!ce-c0Id Deer.
WIN the approach Of summer and the
blooming Of May flowers the festive "bnm'
will again return 70 the country for his
health. and salute the rural maiden at the
back door with: Have you got any dry
bread or water that was pumped yesterday?
I'm ashamed to ask for Eggs fried on both
sides and Moco coffee.
ATENAa payer says that law is dealt Out
eight quarts to the peck down there, and
that man'S word is rs good as his bond.
We don't see anything striking in that.
Right here in West Virginia We deal it out
likewise, and mans word is as gOoi as his
bond, especially ii he isn't worth anything,
or has his property in hi wifes maine.
WI are not sure that Sc have been con-
verted, bat Nc do neijcvc situations free
to all" We r. I trr about three hours
every night, m.d if this salvation Army
don't soon iuovc their quarters, We will
try 10 persuade Could, iaulerhilt or Field
TO corner the market and run up the prices
It's too rhcap 81 any rate, a. il IS.
TAKE warning by this young mans fate.
He wOnld leave oil his danncls;
He's sleeping now meath silver plate.
And his coniu has rosewood panels.
bradford News.
WnrS are two tramps like common time
in music? When they are two beats in a
bar-BaItimore Every Saturday.
A MAN'S strength is said 10 lie in his hair.
and therefore il naturally follows that 4
lion ConIuers his prey by name forcc.-Sat.
Night.
SrRNNCrE in BoSton-'Can you direct
me to the house in which Emerson lived
EOstonian-"Em Emerson! Don't know i'm.
Bat can show you the saloon where Sui.
livan took drink. '-Phladelphia News.
\ correspondent says: How would you
advise me to spend Sunday, anyway
You should not spend Sunday, and above
all you should not spend il anyway. sun.
day is the Lords day, and you should not
spend anything that does not belong TO
you. let you hc arrested for embe22'ement.
Ark. TRAY.
II | knew a poet that sang % spring,
,SayS to IN self. says H.
ia grab his mus. and III break her wing
. (SaNS to myself, says I.)
I'd chain him down TO spike In the floor,
Make him eat his meals through hole In the
door,
Till he'd swear To sing OF spring no more,
Say / 10 my self, says L.
NllliamSpOrt Breakfast Table.
\ MAS named Rankin Peagrim was tried
in the Austin District Court for murder
last week. His plea was self-defense.
When the case was called Tor trial the
Judge asked the prisoners counsel, Are
YOU ready for the defense" Up spoke the
prisoner: "Jedge, how can We he ready for
defense when the sheriff took both my
means of defense from me. The one
self defended the man with has an ivory
handle. and ef | had it now ] would lie
ready for trial, you bett' The prisoners
lawyer had great difficulty in calming
down his client. The case is watched with
considerable interest.-TeNas SiitingS.