The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-01-19
VARIETIES.

| 1t takes two to make quarrel, and two
to keep it going; it only needs one to end it
| "A medical writer says children need
more wraps than adults. They generally gel
/ more.
1t is a singular coincidence that the first
of May always falls on the same day of the
week as Christmas.
81 aim to tell the truth" Eyes" inter.
rupted an acquaintance; "and you are proba'
bly, the worst shot in America"
| When rain falls, if she gets the bigger
half of the umbrella, they are lovers; if he
takes the bigger half, they are married.
Mechanic Ito ploughboy)-"Well, my
lad, how much do you earn week.? Plough
boy-"I dunno what l earns, but know
what / gets"
"A child speaking of his home to friend
was asked, "Where is your home ?" Looking
with loving eyes at his mother, he replied,
"Where mother is"
Dry goods on the brain: "My wife, i"
| remarked Fitzboodle, "is fairly crazy oyer
the winter fashions. She's got the delirium
| trimmins."
The man who Dragged all summer about
being o good skater has switched of from
that topic and is now telling the boys what a
"hoss" he is to bind wheat.
"A wealthy citizen of New York, in cele-
brating the fiftieth anniversary of his wedding
toasted his wife as "tho healthy old lady who
combines beauty and durability"
In Julia's eyes II live in Julia's eyes" "
said an affected dandy in Coleman's hearing.
II don't wonder at it" replied George; 'since
observed she had a sty in them when | saw
her last"
-"That's fine strain" said one gentle
man to another, abiding to the tones OF a
singer at concert the other evening
YES" said q countryman who sat near,
"but if she strains much more she'll bust"
"A man, stopping his paper, wrote: 1
think folks ottent to spend their mummy for
paypers, mi dadda dident and everybody sed
he was the intelligentes man in the country
and had the smartest family of boiz that ever
dugged taters.
A German shoemaker, having made q
pair of boots for a gentleman of whose finan-
cial integrity he had considerable doubt,
made the following reply to him when he
called for the articles: "Der boots sh not
quite done but der beel is made oudt."
"A Chicago lady once Applied to Learn
ed Judge for divorce. what is the Name
of the Husband p inquired the Learned
Judge. IL have no Husband yet, but lnas-
much as l contemplate Matrimony, feel that
l should be Prepared TOR the Worst"
"A hotel boaster, who was Wanting his
knowledge of the world before crowd of
new. corners, was asked by a wag at his elbow
If he had ever been in Algebra. ooh, yes,
certainly" said he 81 passed through there
on top of stage about year ago"
The Boston Post tells of man who was
cured of snoring by suddenly awaking and
finding his wife trying to play Yankee Doc
die by pinching his nose. If this yarn had
emanated from any other source than Boston
we should have been inclined to think it was
true.
Mr.. Poet a rather diflident man, was un-
able to prevent himself from being introduced
one evening to fascinating young lady, who
misunderstanding his name, constantly adj
dressed him as Mr.. Peters, much to the gen.
tleman's distress. Finally, summoning cour-
age, he bashfully, but earnestly resumed ::
ooh don't call me Peters, call me Peet."
"Ah, but don't know you well enough,
Mr.. Peters, said the young lady, blushing,
as she playfully with drew part way behind
her fan.