Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1883-09-18
lssr MS ELECTRICITY.

Lost Ms ELECTRICITY.
Had party up to your house lai
night. didn't you, said ChicaQ
Board of Trade max to another as b
appeared on the fioor.
u. only little blow oot. on the &C
casion of the tventy-fif anniyersar
of our Wedding. l beg of you not .
mention 1t, IS suppose made ID
most colossal fool of myself that eve
was since Adam dng angle-vorms In tn
garden of Eden and put them in an oil,
tomato can and went fishing for bull
heads 1t makes me ache to think of i
and am sick
We'll. tell Us abo1t il in confidence,
said the friend. winking at few oths
fellows around -four table on the Zoo
of the main room.
IF it is in strict confidence | dom
mind, said the victim, as he took OF
his plug hat and wiped the perspiratiou
from his bald head. You see, dom
believe in parties at all, and would 9,
to st. Louis at moments notice If
knew there was going to be a party. NJ,
wife knows this, and she seldom gue
out. have so much business that
don't think of anything else, and to g,
to party, where you can't talk abou
wheat makes me sick. Why, went Il
party two years ago and talked will
the women two hours on fashions anC
things, and / got 80 nervous frienG
had TO take me to the smoking room
and | think would have died if fr.ene
had not taken compassion on me. and
bought 1000 May wheat of me.
couldn't have lived five minute,
more. Well, Monday my wife saic
that the next day was our twenty-fiftt
anniversary, and wanted to know if We
couldn't have a little party. / kicked
on 1t minute and told her I would
give her check for thousand dollar.
to get anything she wanted. but fol-
heavens sake net to have a crowd
OF people around to drive me mad. She
took the caeck, and that day and the
next she was driving around spending
1t, and though it Was a cheap WAY
out OF the affair. Tuesday night
went home, and she WAS as smiling as a
basket of chips and dressed up TO kill
After supper We went to our room. and
she asked me if she wasn't as pretty as
she was whenI married her. and l told
her she was. You know We have got to
lie some In our business. Then she
told me l had better put on my dress
suit, and / fiared up and asked her if
she lad been inviting a gang of people,
and she said no, but several knew it
was our anniversary and they might
drop 1t to congratulate us. So l went
and harnessed up like dude, and per-
fumed myself, and combed my hair
over the bald spot, and looked like a
10 the bridegroom cometh.' Then she
said l had better 90 down and light the
gas in the parlor, and went down and
scratched a match en- my leg, and the
birthstone fell of on the carpet, and l
stepped on it, and swore a little, and
said matches were not near as good as
they were twenty five years ago, and
made facetious remarks about people
coming to a house providing around
after cold victuals when they were not
invited, and my wife said hush and
took another match and scratched 1t
on my leg four or five times, and it
would not CO.. and l swore a little
more, and said l didn't believe there
was half as much electricity concealed
about our persons as there was twenty
i've years ago, and my wife came in the
room and pulled my coat tail and said
and finally l got a match
that would light, and when l
went to turn the gas burner il
wouldn't turn, and then / said some
moro harsh words, and burned my fin
gers on the match and threw it down
and stamped on it, and was going to
give my opinion of parties in general
and people in particular who did not
know enough to stay at home and let
decent people alone, when my wife, who
had got up ON a chair and scratched a
match. Heaven only knows where, lit
the gas. We'll. you could have Knocked
me down with a crow bar. If there was
one person in the room there were A
hundred. and they burst out in a roar
of laughter that shook the building, and
the chair my wife stood on tipped over,
and she went down kerfummix into a
clothes basket full of dishes the surprise
party had brought. u, / thought
should sink, but l didn't have anv
sinker, SO hoated around on the sur
face of society, and every man and
woman was laughing. After my wife
got out OF the basket, and neighbor
had wiped the chicken salad off her
basket, and got the cream OF, where she
had run her arm clear up to the elbow
IN 1t, tried to apologize, but my tongue
Glove to the roof of my mouth. Just
stood there and perspired my boots full,
and everybody seemed to enjoy it. The
worst of it was the minister of our
church sat within four feet of me when
l was talking about the matches, and
when thought of my class in sunday
school. and how the minister had want
ed me to be Superintendent, felt sick.
You know l am not a bad man, not
withstanding the business am in, but
when saw the pain on the minister's
face, and noticed how his wife looked at
me rs though she thought was South
Chicago rough, would have sold May
wheat at 80 cents and thrown myself in.
1t was the worst case of misplaced con-
fidence that ever was, and wonder that
| am alive"
g How did it turn out? Did they get
mad at what You had said, and 90
swayG said his partner.
Mad? Did they go away2 Not
much. will bet some of them are
there yet. They took possession of the
house and had the biggest spread You
ever saw. opened up the wine cellar
TO show that there was nothing mean
about me, and We had a lightning
time. Twas ripe about o'clock this
and my wife picked me of toe
banister. and when l Rugged the min
lister and his wife as they went away,
and wished them many happy returns,
they had changed their minds about me
and thought was q blue grass thor
oughbred. Bat that settled it. No
more anniversaries fer me. Lordy,
how my head jumps! How's vhsat?"
And the man went into the wheat pit as
though he had been shot out of can
nOn.-Peck's Sun.
Wheat is shipped to the great western
markets in bulk, the grain being carried
loose in the cars, as in bin. Shippers
sometimes mix inferior wheat with that
of good quality, putting it in the bottom
or around the sides of car load. Each
load is tested with an instrument little
like q sand pump. and if any inferior
wheat Is found in the car the entire load
is classed "a inferior. This penalty has
put dishonest shippers to their Wits
ends to contrive WAYS of mixing poor
nth pOod wheat ~ that thers shalI ke