The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-04-20
WIT AND HUMOR.
'.Her foot Is a pOem," the lover said;
"a melodious rythn IL her tread"

"Yes," said his friend u, sort of beat,
''SpOndaic the measure, two long feet"
A pair of slippers Orange and ba-
mana skins.
The song of the bricklayer-''Still
there's mortar follow"
An ANONYMOUS articles baby before
il is christened.
What ought to go togcther?-A tur
nip watch and IN eighteen carat gold
chain.
A man never knows what genuine
poverty is until he has to shave with soft
soap.
II is said that Michigan women gel
married just SO as tn keep II man about
the house to scare away tramps.
Bismarck is said 10 look like dollar
store when he gets all his decorations
on.
The King of Burmah has four Queens
and Gen. Schenck considers him on the
road TO prosperity.
The bonds of public official are al
ways good until they are wanted in
court, and then they are good for moth
ing.
What is the difference between II glass
half full of water and Il broken engage
mcnle One is not filed full and the 9th
or is not fulfilled.
Newer kiss anybody on the mouth, v
says DIR. Hall, ..unlcss you are reckless
of consequences" Young people are
naturally reckless LOTcU citizen.
"Why are so many classic concert
pieces called 'polonaises' on the pro
grammc?' inquiries Edith. Because
they are quite long and generally drag.
The Princess Louise travels with
siNtyiive pieces Of baggage and she has
no Gebhsrdt to get it checked. poor
thing.
Practice makcspcrfect. True, but a
shoe rs readily the first time trying rs
the second.
..At last know there is such thing
a. cold snap" remarked the burglar
to the sheriff, rs he clapped the steel
shackles on the shekel stealer.
We do not care whether the French
Danish Prince Napoleon or not. AS he
here and lecture.
Liberalism is creeping into all the
| churches; but the poor preachers notice
that il has not yet struck the cOntribu-
| ton box.
1t is said to require S50, 200. 600 to take
care of the egg business of this country.
Verify, the hatchways of the ship of state
need many repairs.
The tobacco Waltz" and the .'Cigal
| Quadrille' are two new dances lately
invented in Middle Tennessee. On,
must be up to snuff to follow the piper
who provides the music for them.
The meanest slight girl can put up
on an admirer is tOusc Il postal card in
refusing an offer of marriage. Improve.
that she doesn't actually care two cent:
for him.
at is n ole sayin' dat one bird in d,
han is with two i'm de bush,' SAYS I'm
Gle Nose. 1T may be with more ter dt
man, but it amt wuth half as much tel
| dc bird
A Norwalk girl hangs up the follow
ing Illuminated motto in the back parlOl
close to the sofa: II plus bus. yum
yum" And the young man signs Sun
Molibus."
We are offering Il chrome to any on,
who will bring to this office pretty
! young woman, with dimples. who will
not chew her under lip. as she goes
along the street, to make them show.
A Tennessee girl is suffering from ny.
drOphObia produced by the bite of q
squirrel. That's what girl gets fol-
foolng with Il squirrel when there art
so many desirable Young men handy.
'Whatare you always thinking about
Ida?' Il am always thinking about
nothing, auntic. never think about
anything, unless happen to think about
something to think about
''Pa. is it right To call man born in
| Poland II Pole?'' ''Of course. my child
"Wcll. then, if Il man is born in HOl-
land is he Holep' Tut, tut! I'll an
swer no more OF your silly questionsr'
Two little girls We're comparing pro
gress in catechism study. II have got
10 original sin, said one ..HOw far
have YOU got?' .Oh, Pm beyond re-
dcmption,' said the other.
Husband G. Il. M, aftcra curtain lee
ture) Dwell, all I've got TO say is, il
! you are Il person of such refinement and
good breeding. you ought to be above
talking to drunken fellow at this time
OF the night"
Jones asked his wife: ..Why is a hus.
band like dough-" He expected she
would give it up, and was going to tell
| her II was because Il woman needs him;
but she said it was because he was hard
to get of her hands.
We have heard of II truly happy hunt
ing-@round for superfluous mashers.-
I'm Peru girls come out ut the age OF
seven. and get married mt ten years
old. Their children are called decimal
| fractions.
Young Lady-"Isn't this child little
Frenchman?" Nurse-'.I cannot tell;
the father is Il German, the mother
French" Young Lady-'.Ah, then we
shall not be able to find out until the
little fellow can speak"
Say" remarked Il spOtter to COM
mercial traveller, ''you fellows carry lots
of cheek, whatever else you may have. :"
''Pshaw!' replied the pilgrim. 1--WE on
ly carry samples-yOu ought to see our
| stock"
Some men are ever ready to offer
a remedy for everything. The other
day we remarked to one of these ami
mated apothecary shops: IAN idea
struck us yesterday and before we
could finish he advised us: Rub the af-
fected parts with arnicar'
The proprietor of one Albany hotel
has placed in every room in his house a
knotted rope long enough to reach the
ground, and fastened one end of it to a
staple in tho door. There is now no
reason why any good circus actor should
not feel quite safe i'm that hotel.
young men," said tiresome and
instructive old muff to q group of APP
prentices, '.young men should begin at
the bottom of their business and work
up" Il can't" responded one of them.
''Why not?" asked the old muff. "Be-
cause am well-digger," answered
the apprentice.
A man, on being told by generous
farmer that he would give him barrel
| Of cider asked the farmer If he yOuld