Morning journal and courier., 1883-12-07
ON EVERY HAND.

The man who had both hands caught in g hAycutter knows what 1t is to meet disaster on every hand.-Phil. Chronicle
 Priscilla: Yes, darling, the reason they call him the speaker is because he is not aI- lowed to take part in the debate.-Boston Globe.
 Small Boy-Pa, did you know ma long be- fore you married her? Pal didn't. I didn't know her until long after had married her. Progress.
 Gilpin reading in a paper that "facts are stubborn things" says there's no particle of doubt but that his wife is fact-Marathon Independent.
 "That prisoner has very smooth coun- tenance, "said the judge to the sheriff. ''Yes, said the sheriff, Che was ironed just before he was brought in"
 So much crude petroleum is now used to cure badness that it is said to be absolutely dangerous to strike a match near the front seats of & variety show.-Bismarck Tribune.
 s.Ah." remarked Fogg. as he gazed bash fully at the ballet girls, 'now l understand the full significance of the passage, The body is mozs than raiment.' "-Boston Transcript.
 Cheeky passenger: "Any fear O my dis turbing the magnetic currents, captain, by going near the compass?" Captain, "Oh, no sir. Brass has no effect on it whatever, sir."-Punch.
 When you meet man these days with a careworn expression on his customarily happy face, do not misjudge him by conclud- ing that his business or domestic affairs are in bad state. He is simply wondering what on earth he shall buy for Christmas presents this year.
 North Carolina's new code of laws fixes the fee for marriage license at $3. In very many cases there are two souls with but a single thought whose hearts will have to beat for year or so longer. Such an excessive tariff amounts to virtual protection of the men of North Carolina.-Lowell Citizen.
 At the closing of concert in Bradford, while 8 young gentleman was struggling with his hat, cane, overcoat, opera glasses, and his young lady's fan, all of which he was trying to retain on his lap, 8 suspicious. look ing black bottle from the overcoat pocket fell on the floor with loud thud. "There!" he exclaimed to his companion, II shall lose my cough medicine.' This was presence of mind.-San Francisco Post.
 Criky! On Monday next there will take place in London a ceremony which is, per haps, unique in Angle Oriental annals. For on that day his Highness Mom Chow Pris- dang, Envoy Extraordinary from the King of Siam, will be raised to the rank of Phra Wongs Th'oe Phra Ong Chong and at the same time be created Knight of the Most Noble Order of Chnla Chom Klao, more gen erally known as Dhatuja Chula Chom Klao. London Standard.
 Said the plumber's apprentice es the proud young lady at the mansion where he was at work passed him without deigning him even 50 much as a glance: "All right, my beauty; you can sail by me now without 8 thought or care for my breaking heart, but just wait till the boss sends in his bill for this job and you'll mighty soon have to shed that seal skin sacque and diamond eardrops and find place in the bambler walks of life. Then you'll be glad to get rising young plumber, but I'll let you grovel for these sights before I'll let you win me'-Cincinnati Saturday Night