Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-02-10
HIS PA GOES CALLING.

pushed him into corner Oy the mola>ses
barrel, and took him by the neck. You
have driven away several of my best
customers, tonfound you," and he took up
4 cheese knife and began to sharpen IL on
his boot.
"what's -gurgle-matter? asked
the choking boy, as the grocery mans
fingers let up OH his throat little, so he
could speak 81 haln't done nothn'."
"Didn't you hang up that dead gray tom
cat by the heels, in front of my store, with
the rabbits | had for sale? didn't notice
it until the minister called me out in
front of the store, and pointing 10 the
rabbits, asked what good fat eats were
selling for By crimus, this thing has got
to stop. You have got to move out Of this
ward or will"
The boy got his breath and said II
wasn't him that put the cat up there. lie
said it was the policeman, and he and his
chum saw him do it, and he just come in
to tell the grocery man about it, and
before he could speak he had his neck
nearly pulled off. The boy began TO cry,
and the grocery man told him he was only
joking, and gave him a box of sardnes,
and they made up. Then he asked the
boy how his pa put in his New Years,
and the boy sighed and said:
1--WE had sad time ut our house New
Years. Pa insisted on making calls, aud
ma and me tried to prevent il, hut he said
he was of age, and guessed he could make
calls if he wanted TO, so he looked 1t the
morning paper and got the name of all
the places where they were going TO re-
ceive, and he turned his paper collar, and
changed ends with his cuffs, and put 'ome
arnica on his handkerchief, and starte1
out. Ma told him not to drink anything,
and he said he wouldn't, but he did. lie
was full the third place he went TO. Oh,
so full. Some men can get full and not
show it, but when pa gets full he gets so
full his back teeth float, and his mouth
gets loose and waggles all over his face,
and he laughs all tic time, and the per-
spiration just oozes out of his face, and
his face gets red, and he walks so wide.
Oh, lie Cisgraced us all. At one place he
wished the hired girl happy New Year
more than twenty times, and hung his hat
Oh her elbow, and u led To put Oil u rub
ber hall mat for his overshoes. AT an
other place he carried away card basket
full of bananas and oranges. Ma wanted
my chum and me to follow pa and bring
him home, and about dark we found him
in the door yard of Il house where they
have statues in front Of the house, and he
grabbed me by the arm, and mistook NE
for another caller, and insisted Oh Intro
ducing me to Il marble statue without any
clothes on. He said il was a friend of his,
and 1t was a winter picnic. He hung his
hat Oh nm evergreen, and put his oycrcoat
on the iron fence, and | was so mortified
almost cried. My chrm said If his pa
made such u circus Of himself he would
sand-bag him. That gave ME an Idea, and
when we got pa almf st home went and
got paper box covered with red paper,
so it looked just like Il brick, and bottle
of tomato ketchup, and when We got pa
up on the steps at home hit him with the
paper brick, and my chum squirtcd the
ketchup on his head, and W. demanded
his money, and then lie yelled murder"
and we lit out, aud ma aud tile minister,
who was making a call on her all the
afternoon, theT came TO the door aud
pulled pa in. lie said he had been attack
ed BY band of robbers, and they knocked
his brains out, but lac whipped them, aud
then ma saw the ketchup brains oOzing
out of his head, and she screamed, and
the minister said, "Good heavens. me is
murdered" and just then came Ia the
back door and they sent me after tie doc
tor, and they put pa OH the lounge and
tied up his head with a towel 10 keep the
brains in, and pa began to snore, and
when the doctor came ia 1t took them half
an hour to wake him, and then lie was
awful sick Oh his stummick, aud ina asked
the doctor If he would live, and the doctor
analyzed the ketchup and smelled Of IL,
and told ma he would be all right II he
had little Worcester satIce 10 put Oh with
the ketchup, and when he said pa would
pull through, ma looked awful sad. Then
pa opened his eyes anC saw the minister,
and said that was one OF the robbers that
jumped on him, and he wanted to whip
the minister, but the doc held pas arms
and ma sat on bis legs. and the minister
said be had got some other calls 20 make,
aud he wished ma happy New Year In
the hall much as fifteen minutes. His
happy New Year 20 ma Is most as long as
his prayers. Well, we got pa to bed, and
when we undressed him we found nine
napkins in the bosom Of his vest, that lie
had picked up at the places where he call
ed. He Is all right this morning, bat he
says il is the last time he will drink coffee
when he makes New Years calls"
"well, then, you didn't have much fun
yourself on New Years. That'stoo bad"
said the grocery man as he looked at the
sad-eyed youth. "Butyou look hard. II
You were old enough should say you
had been drunk, your eyes are 50 red."
"Didnt have any fun, ehf Well, wish