Middletown transcript., 1883-04-06
CHIPS.

S66 Ou6 VI Jul OhA pd4caSAdPho OOPlOO
into another paper and credited to some
religious paper.-FdU Rirer AdUance.
A Georgia man claims to have COW
which is one hundred years old. Peo-
pie who think that COWS cannot attain
that age in this country have only to go
south and call for roast beef at a
Georgia hotel. .-Peck's San.
Now is the time to be friendly with
your neighbors. In about three weeks
you will be shooting their hens for
scratching up your garden, and then
your neighbors will not be as friendly
as they are now.-TeTas Syjtings.
The latest name for the young man
with the peanut-shell hat, tight pants,
tooth-pick shoes, cigarette and cane, is
reported from the East as dude" 1t
is fortunate that some one was able to
name it.-Peck's MiErdukee Sun.
It appears that Massachusetts, by the
adoption of new boundary line, takes
away forty-five acres from Rhode Is
land. She would have taken the bal
ance of the State but for Chaffee's hav-
ing forseen the intent and previously
put it in his carpet bag Yonkers Ga
zette.
In the French Chamber Of Deputies
the Count de Maille was called to order
for styling M. Waldeck-ROsseau " a
calumniator. 1t strikes us that they
are getting mighty particular in France.
Next there'll be objections made to
Congressman and New York Aldermen
calling one another liars.-Puck.
Mr.. Swinburne has written a poem
on the death Of Richard Wagner. The
amount Of damages the great composers
heirs will sue for is not stated but it
is believed that it will not be less than
$1,000,000, anyhow.-Norristo1Cn Her
aid.
"Wasn't the boss a little full last
night ?'' asked a customer of the barber
who was shaving him. "Full ? Well
l should smile. Why, he was so drunk
that he tried to find out where he lived
by looking in the dictionary. Cape
Ann Advertiser.
A man up town made a wager with
lady that he could thread needle
quicker than she could sharpen lead
pencil. The man won. Time, fourteen
minutes and forty seconds. 1t is
thought the result would have been
different if the woman had not run out
of lead pencil inside of five minutes
Norristoa0n Herald.
$50 you have got twins at your
house." said Mrs. Bezumbe to little
Tommy Samuelson. q Yes, mann, two
of 'em.'' "What are you going to call
them ?' Thunder and Lightning. p"
"Why, those are strange names to call
children y "Well, that's what pa
called them as soon as he heard they
were in the house. ''-TeraS SJitings.
There is an angry doctor in Austin
Just now. He had been fattening up a
hog for some time. Day before yester-
day he sent for a butcher, and had the
animal killed and dressed. When the
doctor asked the butcher how much he
charged, the latter replied " Never
mind about that. We professional gen.
tlemen ought not to charge each other
anything. You didn't charge me any
thing for treating my wife's mother
who died last fall. ''-TeraS Sjtftings.
A gentleman who had been in Austin
only few days, but who had been pay
ing attention to a prominent Austin
belle, wanted to propose, but was afraid
he would be thought too hasty. He
delicately broached the subject as fol-
lows Eff I were to speak to you Of
marriage, after having only made your
acquaintance three days ago, what
would you say to it ~ "Well, 1
should say, never put off till tomorrow
that which you should have done the
day before yesterday. .''-TeraS SJtings.
A wagon containing a calf in cage,
with farmers wife in charge, was on
the Detroit market recently, and a
butcher with an eye to veal stepped up
and inquired: MADAM, is that calf
for sale 20 eyes, sir.'' lis he a
Durham ?'' "He may be.' "Isn't
an Ayrshire, is he ?'' "Like enough. I"
"Don't you know his breed ?'' he asked
in surprised voice. "No, don't"
"Then how do you expect to sell him ~
ttAIl know about that calf is that his
father hooked Justice of the Peace to
death and his mother chased female
lecturer two miles, and if that amt
breed enough to ask four dollars on,
you needn't take him. The butcher
said the breed was all right.-Detroit
Free Press.
A LUCKY FISHERMAN In the
vast amount of business transacted at
the Baltimore, Md, PostOfice, Mr.. NJ.
V. Bailey, Superintendent of the
Mails, is kept exceedingly busy, but
somehow he finds spare hour or day
to 60 fishing, and from his experience
bn crivac his testimony that ST Jacobs