The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-12-08


q INDEPENDENTLY when l,"re is only
enough to satisfy the appetite of ten.
What in n woman is called 'curiosi-
ty" in man is graadiiuqa nly magni-
fiod into the Esp rit 0i iugnlY
Native oysters ar'' 81 ny now in
London for uoIjac dozen, and are
poor ut that price,
A Milwaukee, belle Attending a thea
ire in New York City recently complain
ed in one of the scenes that the light
was too dim to see the acting properly,
Your little hands but hide smile
is the latest sensational song. The
little hands are supposed to be col.
laring . gin tizz.
Yorkel (to his son ut concert dur
ing the performance OF q dueD -"D'ye
see, Tom, now it's getting late they are
singing two at time so rs TO get done
sooner
Six months after marriage: "Weel,
weel, Sandy. how dye like the little
leddy?" ''Ah, wecl, Alec, I'll nae deny
that she haze fine conversational
powers. y
Smoking may be q bad habit he
said. as he rode beside Il pretty Phila-
delphia girl. "but that habit of yours is
perfectly killing The marriage took
place the next day.
A townsville young man concluded
to sprinkle red pepper on the floor OF q
dance hall lust for a joke. " The joke
was carried out--and SO was the young
man. The latter however. was not
carried out so quietly as the former
A Galveston man, who has q mule
for sale, hearing that \ friend in Hous.
ton wanted to buy an animal of that
description, telegraphed him: "If you
are looking for a No. l mule don't for
get me.
A man who recently rented Il room
advertised to have running water, look
ed il. vain for the faucets. and finally
concluded that the running water must
be the water that ran through the rool
and disturbed his nightly rest.
A Young lady in Kalamazoo declined
TO eat beef because she thought it was
cruel 10 kill the dear, delightful COWS.
She changed her mind when wild jer'
scy chewed up her red parasol.-NcH
York Journal.
The dcacons OF the New Hampshire
Legislature have amended the Wood
chuck law so that no bounty will be
paid for woodchuck killed on Sunday
This will Give the boys Sunday to &C
fishing.
Wont you try this CLASP" asked
her escort, handing her his lorgneti"
Hastily covering the suspicious-lookIu
object with her handkerchief, she plac
ed it to her lips, took Il long pull ant
then handed it back in great disgust
saying: Why, there ain't drop in it,
A scientific journal explains why g
man can't fly" In a great many case!
| it is because he is grabbed by the min
ions of the law before he can escape
with the funds of the bank. But theri
are times, however, when he succeeds
in flying.
A visionary local iinancicr. who haC
a thousand ways TO make fortune anC
net single one to make living, i
described BIZ friend rs "A man so san
guine that the mere getting hold OF
shoestring makes him think he is n
ready the owner OF 4 tannery. - Wash
iRg,0n Sunday Hcrojd.
"Halloar' calculated a guardian t.
| his pretty niece rs he catered the parlo
! and saw her in the arms Of u swain wit
! had just popped the question and seal
ed it with a kiss, what the time O
dav now?" Il should thin, it wa
about half-past r." was the cool repl.
of the blushing damsel; You see W
are almost one.
Mike-'It's the irish that does al
the invinting in these days, sure.
Jonathan-.'Iris be darned! the Iris
don't invent anything to spea
of. Americans invent everything.
Mike-"Thin perhaps yes can tell m
why the freshman name, Pat. is alway
next TO the date on all the new invint
ions. D,y.I IN American name can We
/