New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-04-11
WIT AND HUKoR.

as reti as the rose was my love last night
Yea, red as Il rose was she:
But today my loves ae pale and white
AS the blooms OF the apple tree. q,
r n. t nm she = railing for me, think
Her mother stole Ia. bile my love was asleep.
And stole her pink saucer away.
The new French rifle will carry over
two miles, and the bullet will travel
nearly as fast as a scandal.
Pa said a little fellow to his I'm
8shavcn father, .ayourchin looks like the
wheelain the musical box.
with this bonnet the mouth is worn
slightly open, is the wording Of 4 sign
in the window Of Paris modiste.
Mrs. Lille Devereaux Blake asks, lis
its crime to be woman II certain
" is when there is a great necessity for
dressing in a hurry.
When Young Podgklns was embraced
by Miss Arlington, he said that he
hadn't thought he should evcrbe locked
in padded she'll
A Chicago newspaper man has, been
canght forging railroad passes. This is
an unusual case though. Generally.
Chicago newspaper men are too sharp
to be caught. = Boston Post.
Room at the Top Three dollars a
week, one towel a day. no weather
strips, steal Your soap. Oh. YES, som
ny, we know all about that Room at
the Top. Pick,
There is nothing new under the sun.
Solomon anticipated the modern lamb
in Wall street when he described the
fool going to the correction of the
stocks.-Lyc.
Several of our exchanges are devot-
ing considerable space TO the import
ance Of cooking girls It's no use.
We don't want them cooked. The raw
damsel is good enough for us. Hurt-
ford Times.
In Boston they are so cultured that
when theatre is full down stairs and
the only vacant space is in the gallery,
the managers hang out placard, on
which is printed: Apotheosis only by
which is meant that visitors can still be
placed among the gods.
There is good fellowship among the
newspapers Of Oil City. The Morning
Derrick, being washed out by the flood,
the Erening B1iSsord offered its facili-
ties to its contemporary, while the
Latest Gusler and the Bal Bear B1gle
offered to back 100000 barrels '.long''
for the benefit of the unfortunate.
II think said fond parent, s'that
little Jimmy is going to be a poet when
he grows up. he doesn't eat, and he
sits all day by the fire and thinks, and
thinks. '.You had better grease him
al over" said Aunt Jerusha. .'He's
going to have the measles. That's what
ais Jimmy
A seven-year-older. with the punsters
mark on his brow, at dinner asked his
mother what was in a Jar on the table.
pickles, my son. was the reply.
Then, mamma, please pickle little one
out for me-" came with stunning force
from the child, and the mother fell over
!; chair and tainted
Minister said an old woman in the
North of Scotland. ..I'm going away
fast, and I'll soon be in Judas bosom. .
..Hoots, toots, Janet, said the minister,
I'VE mean Abraham's BOSOM '.Ah,
minister, If ye had been as long 4 single
woman us I've been. We wouldn't be
particular who's bosom it was.
Serjeant Ballantine on one occasion
had lady client named Tickle. Mr..
Ballantine said to the Judge, Tickle,
my client. my lOrd''--Here he was IN
terrnpted by the Judge, saying, Tickle
her yourself, my learned brother Bal
lantine, who is q great wit, looked glum
for whole day.
Miss Miller, OF Ferris, Texas, chloro-
formed her fathers dogs and clopcd
with the young man whom her father
had forbidden the premises. The prob
abilities are that about - year hence she
will conclude that her life would have
been less miserable ii she had clloro-
formed the young man and eloped with
her fathers dogs.
what dye leave that door wide open
for?''' exclaimed the gentleman in the
Office to the intruding peddler ''Oi
thought, s,lrr,'' was the quick reply,
''that We moight want to kick me down
stairs. and Oi wanted to make it con-
,anient for y;., SURF. = The gentleman
was so taken aback that he bought two
apples for 5 cents, passing off a bad
quarter in the transaction.
Arthur Crayon: Miss Rosebud, I
have brought you a little picture which
painted especially for you 1t has
proved a very pleasant task during the
.nonth that have worked on it. Pinky
Rosebud: Oh, thanks, Mr.. Crayon, you
are very kind, but I'm afraid that ]
must return the frame, as mother never
allows me to accept presents Of any
va1,,a from, nrov> Hannah
Bumbleton gave forth his first conun-
drum the other day. He was at con-
cert, and took one Of the best (vacant)
seats. The usher came to him and gent
y led him to a bench in the rear. Then
he asked Jones. why am like an old
paid bill9" and Jones replied, because
you're no account BumbletOn want
ed to say something about being re-
seated.
lin Mr.. Robert Buchanan new play
the hero snowballs his rival to DEATH
1t is a very cold day for rival when
he gets left in such a cool and fatal
manner. The villain Of the play should
have his skull split open by q boy on a
clipper knocking his legs from under
him. Any other superduous characters
in the cast might be made to skate
through an air-holc. NoryistoWn Her
aid.
Toto is crying very hard. What is
the matter?' asked one Of her fathers
friends. II have lost two cents that
mamma gave me. . THAT is not diff
iicult loss to repair, replied the friend;
there are two cents An instant after
ward Toto is crying harder than ever.
What are you still crying for?" asked
the gentleman. 81 am crying said
the artful baby, '.becanse if l had not
lost two cents lshould now have four. =
Paris Paper.
How can leave you, my darling?''
marmnred a Toledo lover in tones of
distressing tenderness. as he observed