Milford chronicle., 1883-03-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

THERE is a marked difference between
/ getting up with the lark and staying up
to have one.
The man who is given to making
cutting remarks should be treated like
jack-knife and shut up.
How OFTEN it happens that the rich
wine of youthful generosity becomes the
vinegar Of cynicism in old age
TEMPTATION and war are both alike.
The best armor sgainst each is to take
up your position beyond gunshot
THERE are some people in this world
who closely resemble mosquitoes. There
isn't much Of them, but they tease and
fret you all the time.
IT Is impossible to do more than half
a dozen things at the same time and do
them well. He who hunts two hares
leaves the one and loses the other.
A cANDID and practical sort Of a
preacher in DarIe County, O., puts it
II pronounce you man and wife until
death or divorce doyou part Saturday
4mericaa.
WHEN a man is dismissed from em-
ployment he always has a good deal to
say against his employers. A man, in
fact, is like gun. He makes a great
noise when he is discharged.
A LITTLE girl in a Hartford Sunday
school, unused to diplomatic ways, sidled
up to her teacher and naively as could
be said: Mother wanted me TO find out
in roundabout way whether you are
Mrs or Miss"
A STORY is going the rounds Of "a
Georgia man who broke his back with
sneeze." 1t isn't supposed to be true,
but is used as a warning A well au-
then6cated account Of the man who
broke his neck with a snore would DO
more useful. l.-Bafaio Erprcss
A AsEvEN-YEAR-o1DER with the punster's
mark on his brow, at dinner, asked his
mother what was in jar ON the table?
"Pickles, my son, was the reply.
''Then, mamma, please pickle little one
ont for me, came with stunning force
from the child, and the mother fell over
a chair and tainted.
PoEr--''But, my dear sir, it is now
four years since you accepted my epic,
and yet no steps have been taken to pab-
lish it. Publisher-'Don't be in a
hurry young man. Homer had to wait
three thousand years before he got into
print, and you will hardly claim that
your poem is an Iliad. FHegende Blat-
ter.
THE grandma Of a little four-year old
had peen telling her one day not to say
people lied, but rather that they were
mistaken. Her grandmother, to amuse
her, told her a bear story, which was
tough-one to believe. After she had fin
ished, the little girl looked mp into her
face and exclaimed: "Grandma, that is
the biggest mistaken 1 ever heard.
He had a very rubicund face, sugges-
tive of dissipated life. As he was
walking up the street, a gentleman re-
marked 'eThat fellow is so highly col
ored that he reminds me of a chrome"
''He reminds me mora of an engraving
than a chrome, " remarked bystander.
Chow SOP" "Well you see, an engrav-
ing always has glass in front Of it, and
a chrome hasn't - Tcras Sifmgs.
A WOMAN recently applied for State
nd, and the blank was produced and the
usual questions asked. She answered
hem freely until it came to d" Your age?''
. Have got to tell that ?" she asked.
3 The blank requires it, ma'am, was
he reply. Well, then" she said, II
lont want any State aid And she
lounced out of the Office in high
Iudgeon.
(AIR. AND Mrs. SwELLNGToN JONES
discussing the success Of their ball.)
Ny dear, who is that fellow over there
3okiug at the pictures?" Don't know,
" dear" Who brought him here ?"
Don't know, my dear. Well, get
is name correctly, and take good care
OF to have him here again. He don't
llk he don't dance, he is very common
,oking, and he eats ike sixty
A wE1L-KNowN Presbyterian clergyman
one Of the lower Delaware Counties,
famous as a wit, was ap-
reached by Baptist clergyman with
le question: "Well brother, we're 60
10 to have new bell for our church.
That would YOU recommend There
as twinkle behind the Presbyterian
,rson's glasses, and he answered
,omptly; by all means a diving-bell.
baltimore american.
AN exchange has the heading, "a
-arning to Young Women, over an
ticle relating how Chicago man was
ned S25for logging his daughter because
ie had too many fellows, and they dis
rbed his rest at night and burned too
uch oil and wood We don't see how
is a warning to young women. 1t locks
ore like a warning to fathers not tohog
cir daughters, and attempt 70 destroy
custom as old and as well established
the hills. -Pecks SIM
THE western editor now takes up his
N to say: eve have received from
on. Fixem Perlings, member Of Com
ess, several very valuable public docu-
ents, for which he win please accept
r thanks. Then he lays it down
aiu and calls out to the Office boy
Here, John, throw these into the waste
NOR harral - addinos n biuasalf cold