Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-05-25
WHY WE LAUGH.
Slang never heard from the lips of
| brlde-"DOn't riYe me AWAY :"

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heard the other day: He-"Araminta
je t'adore." She-"Shut it yourself.
He: Good bye. Miss Smith, I'm
sorry l have to leave so soon." She
I'm very sorry, too; but still, part
ing is such sweet sorrow.''
Now is the time to subscribe y
said the cross roads editor as he led
his wealthy bride to the marriage
register and showed q pen into he1
trembling hand.
Jack (admiringly}-"You are a
trump, Marian"' Miss M.-"Why
do you call me such name as that ~
Jack (triumphantlyH Because OF
your taking. tricks"
In Connecticut an old lady aged
seventy-two years is learning to play
the piano. 1t is seldom that such a
viciousness of spirit breaks out al
that advanced age.
A Missouri woman is the mother OF
fifteen girls, all living. When thei,
beaux are all in the house at one time
the scene reminds one of a ward
caucus in female suffrage town.
PA, said a little boy at a theatre
the other night, Il wish 1 would
hurry up and get baldheaded. y
"Why, SOM" Because then I could
always sit on the front row of chairs
That was funny story Mr.. Dixon
told Aunt Jessie-the one that made
you laugh so much, you know"
Yes, Why didn't you laugh, Idaa
"Oh. | don't know Mr.. Dickson we'll
enoughw
rs the bowling Of dog always
followed by death?" asked little
girl of her father. "Not always, my
dear: sometimes the man that shoots
at the dog misses him." was the par
ent's reply.
A ten year old boy cleared 81 in
Plainville. one cold day recently, sell
ing holders. A holder is one of those
cloth things that lie under the stove
while you are picking up a hot lid
litter with your bare hands.
a railroad magnate, Mr.. Jay
Gould, being at the South was hailed
by negro with, Boss, have your
boots shined? i am not a boss,
said Mr.. Gould. You're boss of your
own boots, amt your was the reply"
A dispatch from Orange says: Il,
jackson, while chopping in the woods,
was struck by falling tree and had
his back broken in three places. His
recovery is doubtful" We should
think it might be somewhat improb-
able.
Mamma.-"Charlie, what in the
world are you doing, sitting on
Willie's head?" Charlie-"We're
playing horse, mamma. and he's
tumbled down; and I've got to sit on
his head until he's quiet. But he
won't keep quiet"
Did you go to the grand ball last
EVENING"" inquired merchant of a
dude. "Yaws. L was there" was the
languid reply. "What costume did
you wear?' 30, my wegular dress
suit, ye knaw. "Ah, then you were
disguised as gentleman"
Fred. Gebhard is reported to be
studying Pygmalion for the purpose
of supporting the Jersey Lily in her
performance of Galatea. In this he
will really do her a service for his
performance will be so dire bad that
hers will seem fine by comparison.
"When in a Southern city once I
heard a voice calling, 'Sam-hey,
Samw 1 turned and saw it was a
negro shouting. / said, We'll, what
do you want?' 1T amt you 1 was
calling said the negro, Its that other
nigger over the way"
A spruce and concsited young Mr..
Fell in love with another chaps sr,
With his sweet little cane,
At the end of the lane,
He met and he fain would have kr,
But he trod on her train,
At the end of the lane,
And slap on his face made blr.
A 5-year-old, who went to school for
the first time, came home at noon and
said to his mother: Mamma, I don't
think that teacher knows much"
"Why not, my dear?" "Why, she
kept asking questions all the time.
She asked where the Missouri River
was
He was man who would weigh at
least 800 pounds, andiwhen he said to
his small friend, at Whose Office he
called on his way down town. "I'll
drop in on you when I return" the
little man exclaimed: "If you'll let
me know when you're coming I'll
crawl under the safe"
A book has been published giving
thirty-fve different ways of popping
the question. The young man who
cannot find something in that num-
ber to help him through must just
worry along until leap year and then
keep his hair combed and trust. in
Providence.
Are your domestic relations agree
ablew asked a Judge of a colored
witness. "What's dat conjunction,
bosss' Il ask, are your family ties
PLEASANT" "Well, no, sab. When a
'owan ties a man when he's drunk an
whips him till he's sober, l doan'
think dat it's pleasant, sah."
On! why art thou not near me. oh !!
my love?" sang S serenader in Glas-
gov, the other night: and yet when
the girl, who was leaning too far out
of the window, lost her balance and
dropped right on him, the fellow
acted as confused as could be. Some
men cannot stand success.
my hearers" began the lecturer,
Il trust" Before he could proceed
further Babel of voices shouted:
well trade with you, mister; Well
trade with you. Never you fear for
that" The citizens thought he was
going to open grocery in town and
that he had risen to announce the
fact
A family table ought to be bright
and cheerful. a sort of domestic al
tar. where every one casts down his
or her offering, great or small, of
pleasantness or peace; where, for at
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