The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1883-01-27
HIS PA SKATES.


whats that stuff on your shirt bosom
that looks like soap gFeaseP" said the
grocery man to the bad boy, as he came
intOthe grOcerythe morning afterChrist-
mas.
The boy looked at his shirt front, put
his fingers on the stuff and smelled of
his fingers and then said, 90 that is
nothing but little of the turkey dress
ing and gravy. You see after pa and l
got back from the roller skating rink
yesterday, pa was all broke up and he
couldn't carve the turkey and l had to
do it, and pa sat in stuffed chair with
his head tied up, and he kept complain
ing that didn't do it right. | should
think they could make a turkey fiat on
the back, so he would lay on a greasy
platter without skating all around the
table. 1t looks easy to see pa carve tur-
key, but when | speared into the bosom
of that turkey, and began to saw on it,
the turkey rolled as though it was on
castOTs, and it was all l could do to keep
it out of mas lap. But 1 rassled with
it till got off enough white meat for pa
and ma, and dark meat enough for me.
and dug out the dressing, but most of
it flew into my shirt bosom, cause the
string that tied up the place where the
dressing was concealed about the person
q VI bu6 buIhby DIOho anu
one OyesteT hit pa in the eye, and he
said was as a crOss-eyed girl trying to
kiss man with hare lip. If l ever get
to be the head of family shall carve
turkey with a corn shelter"
But what about your pa up at the
roller skating rinkP" asked the grocery
man.
go, everything broke him up. He is
split up, so ma buJtOnsalthe top of his
90 80, 10. lnr hyukk hanvy
Gle rider. Well, he had no business to
have told me and my chum that he used
to be the best skater in North America
when he was boy. He said he skated
once from Albany to New York in an
hour and eighty minutes. Me and my
chum thought If pa was such terror
on skates we would get him to put on
pair Of roller skates and enter him as
the great unknown and clean out the
whole gang. We told pa that he must
remember that roller skates were differ
ent from ice skates, and that maybe he
couldn't skate on them, but he said 1t
didn't make any difference what they
were as long as they were skates, and he
would Just paralyZe the whole crowd.
SO we got pair of big roller skates for
him, and while we were strapping them
on, pa looked at the skaters gliding
around on the smooth waxed floor just
at the skates on his feet after they were
fastened, sort of fOrl0rn like, the way
a horse thief does when they put shack
les on his legs, and told him if he was
afraid he couldn't skate with them we
would take them off, but he said he
would beat anybody there was there, or
bust a suspender. Then we straight
ened pa up, and pointed him. toward the
middle of the room, and he said 1eggO,'
md OF hfWrn nak, 20
start him, and he began to go. Well,
you'd dide to have seen pa try to stop.
You see, you can't stick in your heel
and stop like you can on ice skates, and
pa soon found that out; and he began to
turn sideways, and then he threw his
arms and walked on his heels, and he
lost his hat, and his. eyes began to stick
out, cause he was going right toward
an iron post. One arm caught the post
and circled around it few times, and
then he let go and began to fall, and,
sir, he kept falling all across the room,
and everybody got out of the way, eX
cept girl, and pa grabbed her by the
pOlOnaiSe, like drowning man grabs
at straws, though, there wasn't any
straws in her pOlOnaise as | know of,
but pa just pulled her along as though
she was done up in shawlstrap, and
his feet went out from under him and
a-going with the girl dragging along
like bundle of clothes. If pa had had
another pair of roller skates on his
shoulders, and castOrs on his ears, he
couldn't have slid along any better. Pa
is short, big man, and as he was roll
ing along on his back he looked like Q
sofa with castOrs on being pushed
across a room by girl. Finally pa
came to the wall and had to- stop, aud
I,n - II Foil riu
roller skates in his neck, and she called
him an old brute, and told him if he
didn't let go of her pOlOnaise she would
murder him. Just then my chum and
me got there and we amputated pa from
the girl, and lifted him up, and l told
him to let us take off the skates, cause
he c0uldn'u skate any more than COW,
and pa was mad and said for us to let
him alone, and he could skate all right,
and we let go and he struck out again.
Well, sir, was ashamed. An old man
, like pa ought to know better than try
to be boy. This time pa had said he
was going to spread himself, and if [
am any judge he did spread himself.
Somehow the skates had got turned
around sideway on his feet, and his feet
got to going in different directions, and
pas feet were getting so far apart that
l would have two pas half the size, with
one leg apiece. 1 tried to get him to
take up collection of his legs and get
them both in the same ward, but his
arms flew around and one hit me on the
nose, and thought if he wanted to
strike the best friend he had, he could
run his old legs himself. When he be-
gan to separate could hear the bones
crack, but maybe it was his pants, any
way he came down onIthe floor like one Of
those fellows in the circus who spreads
himself, and he kept going, and finally
he surrounded an iron post with his
legs, and stopped, and he looked pale,
and the proprietor of the rink tCld pa If
he wanted to give flying trapeze per-
fOrmance he would have to go to the
gymnasium, as he couldn't skate on his