The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-09-21
TO- DEER LODGE, MONTANA, SEPTEMBER 2 1885,
1888. = WHOLE NO. 741,
WHY WE LAUGH.
A philosopher who had married a vulgar
girl used to call her "brown sugar." because,
he said, she was sweet but unrefined.

A philosopher who had married q vulga
| girl used TO call her "brown sugar." because
he said, she was sweet but unrefned.
81 am the power behind the thrown" so
liloquized the mule, as he pitched his ridel
heels over head to the ground.-Bosto,
| Courier.
After Mrs. McFIaherty had repaired tn.
basement of her Williams pantaloons, she
referred 10 him as her "reseated Bill."-Oi
City Derrick.
When one patent medicine will cure Sc
many diseases 1t is not understood why
druggists keep so many kinds Of medicine
N. o. Picayune.
II Is now certain that the wreck found or
Mount AIarat is the remains of Noah's ark
They know it by the grease mark In the bunk
where Ham was stored.
The popular game IN Indiana is betting or
the weight of stranger. The said stranger
has q lead jacket under his coat and his pa
rakes in heap of Northumberland Free
Press.
Queen Victoria wants poem about her
dead "gillie," John Brown. Should think
the one referring to the fact that Johns body
lies mouldering in the grave would suit
every purpose.
Governor Click, OF Kansas, wants the De.
mocracy Of that State to get strong enough
TO elect him to the United States Senate. He
will find the Republicans strong enough
about that time to give him a big Clicking.
Huntington Hdukeye.
The portrait of Andrew johnson will
10. o e.,
intended to "swing around the circle" should
be provided with one Of these stamps, but
many persons will exhibit an esthetic taste
by preferring two twos.
A long sketch In an exchange Is entitled,
"Betrayed by Hair" This frequently
happens. Unless The hair of the girl he had
out buggy riding Is the same hue as that
worn by his wife, be should carefully ex-
anime his coat before returning home.--Nor-
rtstotcn Herald.
II want to get a pair of driving gloves" D."
said consequential looking duck, entering
0 gents' furnishing store and addressing a
lady attendant, "RucksknH" asked the po.
lite saleswoman. "Oh, no. replied the i'm
petuous customer; ~ want something that
will match the color of my skin" "Oh, you
do?' returned the lady, quickly, taking down
q box from the shelf, "try a pair of these
calfskins!" The doughhead has never since
patronized a store where there are women
attendants.-Y YonkerS Statesman.
Oh, listen to the water wheel through all the
livelong day:
"Your salary will stop about the time you
lose your pay.
The fellow ut the ladders top, to him all
nd tha f..lio,y or Tho ho,to,,, :, +bo faIlou NJ
No good are all the had beens,' for in coun-
try and In town,
Nobody cares how high yoa've been when
once you have come down.
When once you have been President and are
President no more.
You may run farm, or teach a school. or
keep country store.
No one will ask about you, you neyer will be
missed.
The mill will only grind for you when you
supply the grist."
Burlington Hatskeye
See here, Sloshinger, want to talk TO
you moment" said an Austin philanthro
pis,: "don't you know you are not doing
your duty by your children in not sending
them to school? That's not the way fond
father should treat his children" "Well,
now, don't know about that" replied Slosh.
inger; 81 don't believe you fully realize what
you are talking about. Now, have brother
whose eldest son was sent up for two years
for horse-stealing, and the judge in sentenc
ing him said that his ignorance and lack of
early education we're strong mitigating cir
cumstances in his case; and instead of max
ing the sentence ten years, which he should
have done had the boy ever received any ed
ucation, he would make it only two. Now,
do You suppose am going TO rob my boys of
those mitigating circumstances that have
been already such a bonanza in the family?
No, sir; before do that hope my right arm
will cling to the roof of my mouth. ."--Teros
SifIinno