Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1883-03-01
Parliamentary Election.
An Outrage.
he JOINS A TEMPERANCE SOCIETY.
PECK's SUM-

|
(PEcK's SUM-
Don't you think my pa is showins
| his age a good deal more than usual?'
asked the bad boy of the grocery man
as he took a smoked herring out OF
box and peeled off the skin with bro
ken-bladed jack-knife and split it cpeI
| and ripped OFF the bone, threw the head
at a Cat, and took some crackers and be
gan TO eat.
"Well, l don't know but he does look
as though he WAS getting Ole" said the
grocery man, as he took a piece OF yellow
wrapping paper, and charged the boys
poor old father with a dozen herrings
and pound OF crackers; but there is
no wonder he is getting old. l wouldn't
go through what your father has, the
last year, for a million dollars. 1 tell
you, boy, when your father is dead. and
you get stepfather, and he makes you
walk the chalk mark, you will realize
what a bonanza Won have fooled yourself
oat of by killing OFF your father. The
way figure it, your father will last about
six months. and you ought to treat him
right the little time he has to live"
Well, ana going to-" said the boy.
as he picked the herring bones out OF his
teeth with a piece of a match that he
sharpened with his knife. But don't
believe in borrowing trouble about a
stepfather SO long beforehand. | don't
think ma could get man to step Htu
pas shoes as long as | lived, not If she
was inlaid with diamonds and owned a
brewery. There are brave men. bu.
none of them would want to be brevet
father to a cherubim like me, except he
got pretty good wages. And then,since
pa was dissected he is going to lead a
different life, and | guess will make q
man of him if ne holds out. We got
him to join the Good Templars last
night"
mo. you don't tell me-" said the
grocery man, as he thought that his
trade in cider for mince pies would be
cut off. 80 you got him INTO the Good
Templars. eh?"
Well, he thinks he has joined the
Good Templars, SO it is all the same.
You see, my chum and me have been
going to a private gymnasium, on the
west side, kept by Dutohman, and i'll
back room he has all the tools for get
ting up muscle. There. look at my arm,"
said the boy, as he rolled up his sleeve
and showed a muscle about as big as an
oyster. THAT is the result of training
at the gymnasium. Before l took les
sons l hadn't any more muscle than you
have got. Well, the Dutchman was go
ing to a dance on the South Side the
other night. and he asked my chum TO
tend the gymnasiun, and l told pa if he
would join the Good Templars that night
there wouldn't be many at the lodge,
and he wouldn't be so embarrassed. and
as l was one of the officers of the lodge
l would put it to him light; and he said
he would GO; so my chu.n got five other
boys to help put him through. So we
steered him down to the gymnasium and
made him rap on the storm door out
side, and | said who comes there, and
he said it was a pilgrim who wanted to
line our sublime order. asked him if
he had made up his mind to turn from
the ways of a hyena and adopt the Gus
toms of the truly good, and he said If he
knew his own heart he had, and then /
told him to come in ont of the snow and
take off his pants. He kicked little at
taking off his pants, because it was cold
out there IN the storm door dog house.
but told him they all had to do it; that
princes, potentates and paupers all had
to come to it. He asked me how it was
when we initiated women, and told him
women never took this degree. Hepulied
off his pants and wanted check for
them, but l told him the grand mogul
would hold his clothes, and then | blind
folded him, and with baseball club
pounded on the floor as | walked him
around the gymnasium, while the Lodge
headed by my chum, sung We won't 90
home till morning. Then / stopped in
front of abe ice-water tank and said:
Grand Worthy Duke, l bring before
you pilgrim who has drank of the dregs
until his stomach wouldn't hold water,
and who desires to swear off, The grand
mOgul asked me if he WAS worthy and
we'll qualified, and | said that he had
been drunk more or less since the re-
union last summer, which ought to quail
ify him. Then the grand mogul made
pa repeat the most blood-curdling oath.
in which pa agreed, if he ever drank an
other drop, to allow anybody to pull lis
toeuails out with tweeZers, to have his
liver dug out and fed to the hogs, his
head chopped off and his eyes removed.
Then the mogul said he would brand the
candidate ON the bare back with the ini-
tial letters of the order, e. T. that all
might read how brand had been snatch
cd from the burning. You'd a died to
see pa finch when pulled up his shirt
and got ready to brand him. Ny chum
got piece of ice out of the water cooler,
and Just as he clapped it onto pas back
burned piece of horses hoof il the
candle and held it to pas nose, and /
guess pa actually thought it was his burn
ing skin that he smelled. He Jumped
about six feet and said, Great hef-ens.
what Won doin'T and then he began to
roll over barrel which | had arranged
for him. Pa thought he was going down
cellar, and he hung to the barrel, but he
was on top half the time. When pa and
the ',"rr.l It through fighting was be-
side Am, AID said Calm yourself and
be prepared for the ordeal that IS to fol-
low Pa asked how much of this dam
fooling there was, and said he WAS sorry
he Joined. He said he could let liquor
alone without having the skin all burned
of his back. told pa to be brave and
not weaken, and all would be well. lie
wiped the perspiration of his face on
the end Of his shirt, and We pat belt
around his body and hitched it to tackle
and pulled him up so his feet were Just
ON the floor, and then We talked as though
we were away off. and told my chum to
look out that pa did not hit the gas fix
lures, and pa actually thought he was
being hauled clear mp to the roof.
could see he was scared by the complex
ion of his hands and feet as they clawed
the air. He actually sweat 30 the drops
fell on the floor. Bime-by We let him
down and he was awfully relieved. though
his feet were not more than two inches
from the floor any of the time. We
we're Just going to slide pa down board
with slivers in it, TO give him realizing
sense Of the rough road reformed man
has to travel, and had got hum astraddle
Of the board, when the Dutchman came
home from the dance fuller'n a goose,
ard he drove Us boys out, and We left
pa, and the Dutchman said. 'Vot you vos
doing here NIT dose boys, yo1 old duifer,
und we're vos Your pantsT and pa pulled
off his handkerchief from his eyes and
the Dutchman said If he didn't get out
IN a holy minute he would kick the stuf.
fing out of him, and pa got out. de took
his pants and put them on out In the
alley, and then we come up to pa and
told him that was the third time the
drunken Dutchman had broke up our
Lodge, but we should keep on doing
GOOD until We had redeemed every
drunkard in Milxaukee; and pa said
that was right, and he would see rs