The Dawson journal., 1883-09-20
SPOOPENDYKE'S SOLEMN
TY
He INDUCES in Talk That Star
ties His Wife.

brakes Travellers Magazine.
"My DEAR said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
turning his chair and contemplating
his wife with solemn expression on
his visage, "my dear, what would You
do if 1 were suddenly called away by
the angels 90
''Good gracious!" exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her scissors
and looking up with jerk. What
put that into your head?"
"Don't you think they are just as
liable to come fishing after me as any
one else ?" demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, sitting up straight and rump-
ling his hair ominously. 'erhaps
you have got some kind Of notion
that the rest of the world have cor
ner on this angel business, and that
Tn short on a rising market. What
/ asked was, what would you do if |
should be called home without any
particular amount of warning ?"
''You need't be afraid of that" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Itis a great
deal more likely that l will go before
you do. Why, you are good for for
,ty years yet, and you know | am not
very strong
"Got it all fixed I, haven't You p
demonstrated Mr.. Spoopendybe,
Strengthening bolt upright, and glar-
ing at his spouse. Been making all
the arrangements for the dissolution
of this family without consulting any
body, haven't ye? | tell ye no man
knoweth when the last mcasly hour
cometh, and if you think your candle
has got any longer wick than mine
you are way off your nut, amt you 2"
eyes, DEAR murmured Mrs. Spoop
,endyke, soothingly. 'If you should
die, dear, I think it would kill me-"
'Now, you're talking" grinned
Mr. ;Spoopendyke, somewhat mollif-
ed by this concession on the part of
his wife. "You know the best of US
is liable to go at any minute, and you
cant tell when l am likely to he
scooped up. Think you'd cry much {?
and Mr.. Spoopendyke folded his
armes and assumedan aspect Of great
resignation, as though he already
heard the bells ringing for him.
"Why, Of course replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke, rather puzzled by the
drift Of the conversation. Il should
try to think that y@ were better of,
but it would be natural for me to
shed tears"
"Just so - grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. 'And if the natural tears
didn't hold out, I suppose you'd
chuck in a few artificial ones rather
than not keep your end of the stick!
What makes you think I'd be better
off," he continued, as he caught the
full force of the reflection that there
might be some consolation for his
window in the faith that he had done
a pretty clever thing by dying. "Be
glad, wouldn't you, to see me launch
ed into the grave like fence post /?
Be great deal Of comfort to you to
know that you would never see me
again, or hear my voice any more n'
and here Mr.. Spoopendyke broke
down under his emotion, and covered
his face with his hands.
"Dou't you feel well dear?" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, timidly. "Let
me make you cup of tea and you'll
soon get over your bad feelings"
"Never mind, whispered Mr. Spoop-
endyke, in broken voice. "I sup
pose you'd get the most expensive
mourning you could find, and have
it made up as becoming as the life
insurance would permit, wouldn't
you?"
Certainly, dear, if you wish it,
assented Mrs. Spoopendyke, only l
don't think could have it ready in
time for the funeral. could borrow
black dress until mine was done
but"
"And I suppose you could hire
some grief to help you through the
allotted period of bereavement
couldn't you ?" hisssed Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, forgetting that he was theoret.
ically dead, and bouncing off his chair
"There wouldn't be time to get on all
the tiounces and ruffies between my
death and burial, and you'd have to
rent appropriate expressions of pro
found melancholy Is that the way
you want to be understood Codidn't
go to my funeral unless you could
Outshine all the other dod gasted
windows in our set That the idea