Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1883-06-01
NEWS COMMENTS.

VOL. *.
NEWS COMMENTS.
THE photographers say there is no longer a
demand for Mrs. Langtry's pictures. . z
DETROIT barber is likely to make fortune
in his business. He has the lockjaw.
OTTo DuNNET, OF Michigan, ran away with
another mans wife. He hadn't Otto Dnnnet.
NUMEROUS cases of poisoning by eating ice
cream are already reported this season.
CHICAGO man suggests the choice of two
capitals for Dakota, but this is none of his
funeral. ".., ..-.
NEW YORK Dude has astonished everybody
by declaring his intention to study for the
ministry.
Homeopathists never practice what they
preach when their leg, are crossed under we'll
filled dinner table.
HORACE WHITE, 4 Jamaica, L. l., negro, was
tarred and feathered the other evening for hav
ing handsome white wife.
The Sioux City Journal announces that the
greenback party still lives 1t was only case
of suspended animation, then.
TIE president was seen digging in the White
House grounds the other day. Probably hunt
ing bait to go fishing next Sunday.
A MASSACHUSETTS paper heads an article: ITO
He'll With Ben Butler ~ Wonder what gru6ge
that editor haa against Satan and his subjects?
ANNIE GAnLrrz, of Maryland, killed big
black bear that was hugging her father. This
is carrying jealousy right into the family, isn't
it?
NEWARK woman has given birth to her fifth
pair of twins. Such an enterprising woman is
bound twin every time in whatever she under
takes.
PATENT plate foundries are melting up their
stereotyped obituaries of the czar, which their
enterprise had caused to be prepared for an
emergency.
The town Of MITCHELL this territory, has been
sold at good figure. man who sells $2O
in sealed envelopes at $5 each was the party of
the first part.
ST. PAUL Dispatch:-If Pat Donan moves
down into Kentucky and Knott is elected, that
state will have he funniest governor west of the
Allegheny mountains.
HANS OvERsErH, of Eden lost his mind while
trying to read English. His tutor probably
gave him one of Pat Donan's. spread-eag'e
spec she's to beg II on.
ST. PAUL young lady who went into mo urn
ing had her epitz dog painted black and
starved him until he acquired q sad, mournfu)
expression of countenance.
DAVID DAVIS swallowed fly the other day
aud when he began to reich violently every
body within mile of him lodged into their
cellals thinking cyclone was coming.
W1LHELMJ, the celebrated violinist, recently
injured his right hand by fall SO severely that
he will for some time be unable to play Iooj
badj, isn'tj itj? -
RATr1EsNAEE skins are much used in Florida
for ladies' belts, and slippers also made of the
same materials the rattles serving as ornapents
thereon instead of bows or tassels.
If Gabriel should be taken sick when called
upon to toot, he can now put on sub. Ar
buckle the famous corne,iat, ran short Of atmns-
phere and has gone up there-that ls, If cornet
players do go there.
CHAFFEE, the Chicago undertaken, has misaid
ffty-two corpses aud can't remember where
he last put them. Some very pointed medical
college ia TX is being indulged in by inqulsitive
and meddlesome officials.
Sullivan, the pugi!ist, acted as pitcher for
the Metropolirans in game against picked
nine at New Yrok. His delivery was wild and
his playing mo good" but nobody felt well
enough acquainted with him to tell him 80.
Upon the cc~a-at solicitation of the superin-
tendent St. Paul editor began to attend sab
bath school, but when it leaked out that he was
being utilized as a horrible example for the
children he resigned and retarneu to his sins.
JOHN HOWARD PAYNE will have q third fune-
raj on the 10Th inst 1t looks sadly ridiculous to
yank an unresisting corpse about from one
grave to another ard to keep up an almost un-
ceasing warble of, Home, Sweet Home" over it.
A Boston paper says that Gov. Butler has
tanned negro skin in his possession and will not
give it no to the owner. As the owner has been
bu'ied for long time he is probably now IN
such a condition that the skin wouldn't tit him
anyhow. n ".
A WISCONSIN man placed his wife behind q
crumbling stone wall when he saw the cyclone
approaching, and Immediately after the funeral
withdrew his divorce suit and saved a hundred
dollars Genus isn't dead yet by a long shot,
in this favored land. $3.50 ss"' II
SOME weeks ago woman eloped from Port
land, Maine, y. y young man. T e husband
took it calmly. and id not try to find her. On
Monday he received letter from her dated at
Boaton, in which she said: $50 far, God has
blessed us with health. but John has no regular
work yet" H.. ..,-..- ....,---
In his Memorial Day proclamation, the
mayor Of Yankton asserts that the Fourth of
July is observed in rem.m brance of the patriots
of the revolu ton. The average cit; zen, then,
must think that the revolutionary patriots were
drunk,as fddlers' poodles ell the time.
The Sioux City Journal having stated that
':the latest fashion in a ladys night costume is
ho1o a uol1 loclxof FROM tho uoc1x ~