Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-03-30
THE BAD BOY AND HIS CHUM DIS
SECT HIS PA.

THE BAD BOY AND HIS CHUM DIS
SECT HIS PA.
II understand your pa has got to drink
ing again like fish, said the grocery
man to the bad boy, as the Youth came in
the grocery and took handful of dried
apples. TIE boy ate dried apple and
then put up terrible face, and the gro
ceryman asked him what was he trying to
do with his face I he boy caught his breath
and then said
"Say. don't you know any better than
to keep dried apples where a boy can get
hold of them when he has got the mumps ?
You will kill some boy yet by such
carelessness. th~ught these we're sweet
dried apples. hut they are eOnr as board
ing house-keeper, and they make me tired.
Did You ever have the mumpsr Gosh,
but don't it hurt You have got t. %
darn careful when you have got the
humps, and not 90 out bob-sledding or
skating, or you will have your neck swell
up biegern a milk pail. Pa says he had
the mumps once when be was boy aud 1t
broke hun all up
"Well. never mind the humps. how
about your pa spreeing it? Try one of
| these pickles IN the jar there, won you
always like to have a boy rrjoy himself
wien he comes 20 see me- said the gro
ceryman. winking at a man who was fill
ing an old fashioned Tin box with tobacco
out of the pail, who winked back, as much
as to say, IF that boy eats a pickle on top
of them mumps we will have q circus,
here sure''
you can't play no pickle on me, not
when have the mumps. Ma passed the
pickle to me this morning and took one
mouthfuI, and like to had the lock jaw
But ma didn't do it on purpose. l guess
she never had any mumps aud didn't know
how discOuraging pickle is. Darn il
didn't feel as though had been hit IN the
bur of the ear With brick. But about pa.
He has been fuller'n a goose ever since
New Years day. think it wrong for wo-
aen to tempt feeble-minded persons with
liquor on New Years. Now me and my
it alone. We have got brain and know
when We have got en- ugh. but pa, when-
ever he gets to going don t never stop up-
| til he gets SO SICK that he can't keep his
stomach inside of himself. It is getting SO
I they look to me to brace pa up every time
! he gets on tear. and guess fixed him
this time SO he will never touch liqour
again. scared him so his bald head turn
! cd grey in one night.''
"What under the heavens have you done
to him now" said the grocery man in
establishment. II Eope you haven't
done anything you will regret in after
years."
Regret nothing" said the boy as he
turned the lid of the cheese box back and
took the knife and sliced off a piece Of
cheese and took few crackers out of bar
rel, and sat down on soap box by the
stove. "YOu see, ma was annoyed to
death with pa. lie would come home full
when she had company, and lay down on
the sofa and snore, and he would smell
ike distilery. 1t hurt me- to see ma cry !,
aud told her would break pa Of drink
ing i: she would let me. and she said if
would promise not to hurt pa, to 60 ahead,
and promised not to.
''Then got my chum and another boy,
quite large boy. help. and pa is all right.
We went down to the place where they
sell arms and legs to folks who have serv-
I'd in the army, or a saw mill, or a thresh
ing machine, and ,st their limbs, and we
borrowed some arms and legs, and fixed
up little dissecting room.
"We fixed long table in the basement
big enough to lay pa out on, you know, and
then we got false whiskers and NOUS
taches. and when pa came in the house
drunk and laid down on the sofa, and got
to sleep. we took him and laid him out on
the table, and took some big trunk straps
and circingle. and strapped him down
to the table. He slept right along all
through it, and We had another table with
the false legs and arms on it. and we roll
ed up our sleeves and smoked pipes. just
like 1 read medical students do when they
cut up man. We put hickory nuts in
our mouths so our voices would sound diff
ferent, so he W >uldn't know US. and was
telling the other boys what time we had
cutting up the last man we bought when
"a woke up.
IL said he was awful tough and when
we had got off his legs and had taken out
his brains, his friends came to the dissect-
ing room and claimed the body, and we
mad to give it up but saved the legs. l
looked at pa on the table and he bag IN to
turn pale, AMI he squirmsd around to get
up. but found he was fast. l had pulled
his shirt up under his arms while was
asleep; as he began to move took an
icicle, and in the dim light of the candles
Ai,ak mara sittinn NJ, tho fahle In haAr hot.