Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-20
The Valyat Period.


A couple of old roosters were standing
in front Of the Plankinton House. smok-
inc fiye-ccnt cigars, one evening, when
4 young fellow passed along with vel
vet coat on, and before he had cot out
of sight, an old fellow Of about sixty
years passed the same place, and he had
on y velvet coat. One Of the two old
roOsters knocked the ashes off his cigar,
and said:
lit catches them all, sooner or later"
What doyou mean?" asked the other.
''Why, the velvet coat period, said
the first old rooster, rs he took his cigar
back, and pulled on it to keep it going.
Every man, some time in his life,
either as boy or man, sees n time when
he thinks the world will cease to revolve
on Its axis if he does not have Il velvet
coat and he IS bound to have one if he
has to steal the money to buy it. 1t is
bad enough for a boy to have the period
come on, but it is infinitely worse to es-
cape 1t in youth and have it attack
man in middle life. but it ALWAYS hits
them, some time. Now YOU wouldn't
think, to look ut me, that / ever had the
velvet coat fever. but | had it once in its
ago, at the time of the oil excitement.
made little money in oil. and l cot to
thinking how 1 could show how | was
no ordinary son of man, and all at once
it struck me that velvet coat could do
1t for me, and | had surveyor measure
me, and had q velvet coat made Twas
anxious to have it done so | could put
it on and 90 around among the bows,
but when it was done and had been
brought home, | all at once lost my
grip, and could hardly get up courage
to put it on. let it lay for week. I'M
til my people cot to making fun of me
about being afraid to wear it, and final
ly put it on and wore it down town
after dark. Only n few people saw it,
and | went home satisfied that the worst
was over. What | wanted was to have
the community get accustomed to it
gradually. After L while | wore it to
my office on days that | was going to
be busy, so [ knew l wouldn't have to
60 around town. After the bows in the
office Got so they could witness my coat
without going behind n partition to
laugh at me, | concluded to wear it on
the street. Well, there was an organ
grinder with a monkey, out on the side
walk, when | went out, and the beastly
Italian had on an old velvet coat, like
mine only soiled. The monkey was
jumping around, picking up pennies,
and all at once he saw me. | shall new
er forget the expression on that mon
keys face. He seemed to take me for
his master, and clearly realized that his
master had procured new coat with
out asking the consent of his little
brother. There was 4 look of pain. as
though the monkey felt hurt that such
dupicity had been practiced upon him,
and then the monkey would look at the
clothes in which he was dressed up, with
contempt, and then he would look atmy
coat with envy. / never felt so sorry
for q monkey in all my life | could
stand 1t to hear strangers say, as |
passed by, What blank fool is that?'
but to- see that poor mOnkey grieve over
the style was putting on was too much.
and [ resolved if ever I cot that coat
home l would put it where it could
never DE seen again. The organ grind
er became alarmed at the actions of the
monkey, and jerked on the chain, caus-
ing the monkey to turn back summer
sault, and the poor animal came up
In front of his master. He
looked at him, and seemed to be ut once
treasured, and to feel that the appari-
ton was only a horrid dream, and then
he looked over his shoulder towards
where Istood, to make sure, and there
| was in all my glory. Then the mon
key was mad and began to make up
faces at me, and [ got out of there and
went home, with shouts of the monkeys
audience sounding in my ears, and
took otfmy coat and gave it to the man
that took care of my horse, and | never
see q velvet coat, either on boy or
man, but [ think what confounded
fool [ made of myself in my Oscar
Wilde days. If you have boy, teach
him to 60 through the velvet coat per-
iod young, and he will thank his stars. -
-PecE'8 SAM
As Bad as an Extra Session,