davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

Brother Gardner Ex plains the Views OF the
Lime Kiln Club.
from the Detroit Free Press.I

From the Detroit Free Press.I
"Heah am letter." said the old man
as he held up a missive, slated at
Washington an writ in a splendiferous
ham, akin to have de posishun of dis
club on varus queshuns an subjects de-
fined fur de benefit of de public. De
Secretary of State kin post up in his
Office de follerin' facts:
Son religun dis club rather leans to
de Baptist kind, but am not so bigoted
rs to stan idly by an see Methodist
church consumed by fab or card off by
a freshet.
"On polleticks we vote split tickets,
amin to elect de smaller rascal an to
beat masheen nominashuns.
"As to free trade and protection, dis
club can't express its contempt fur a
guv'ment which levies tariff of 10 per
cent. on women's corsets an can't bring
a milion-dollar official embezzler to
justice.
"On civil service reform we doan'
slop over WORT shucks. The cry am as
holler as an old log an as thin as the
voice of Connecticut baby.
"On social etikette, we eat wild fork,
address cherry gem'lan as Kernel an
we ginerally manage to start for home
befo' bein' kicked out.
son de temperance queshun, we argy
dat if man doan' know mo- dan to let
whisky git de upper hold of him, he'd
better be tied to some lamp post whar
de fool-killer kin find him.
"As to de labor queshun, pay far
wages, demand squar' work, an keep de
Jail doors open for demagogues who en-
courage kicks and strikes.
Oats whar' an how we stan, from
cherry Sunday mornin' to Saturday
night, an 1 may add that We shall be
happy at any time to counsel wild Con-
gress, gin advice to the Legislature
an frow out valuable suggeshuns to So
cial bodies. Let us now attack the
regular programme of dizziness"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13
The Revised Testament.

The sale OF the revised New Tesla
ment has nearly ceased. An officer in
the Bible Society in New York states
that the book is not used in a pulpit
nor in Sunday-school in that city.
DIR. Howard Crosby, DIR. Philip Schaff,
and several other clergymen, beside
quite number of the laity, use the re-
vised version at family prayers, and
there are many who use it rs a book of
reference to explain passages whose
meaning in the old version is obscure
But most of the 100000 purchasers
of the book in this country have put it
on their shelves as literary curiosity.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13
DIDN'T Know What Might Come Next.

Not long ago an officer of the ARM
who, having lost his upper teeth, wore
a false set, was engaged in serious con-
versation with some Indians. His plate
troubled him, he took it out and wiped
it with his handkerchief. The Indians
watched the process with unfeigned as
constituent. When the Captain, put
ting the plate in his mouth, went on
with the conversation, they sprang to
their feet and left the room and post in
all haste, and with every symptom of ex-
treme terror.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

THE latest invention in the line of en-
tertainments is that known as the Gee
lestial Party" The floor of the hall or
vestry which is to be the scene of the
festivities is marked off into orbits, and
numerous young ladies, handsomely and
fancifully dressed to represent the plan
cts, such as Ceres, Hygeia, Astrea, Vesta,
Ariadne, Flora and Terpsichore, revolve
and rotate through these orbits around
young man dressed in fame-colored hab-
iliments to represent the sun, who dis
courses to his satellites in poetry and
prose. Smith College has the honor of
having originated this unique style of
entertainment, which takes place when
the young ladies celebrate having fin
ished the study of astronomy.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

THERE is a gambler who carries in
his pocket piece of the rope with
which murderer was hanged in Penn
sylvania. He is q lucky player. All
his luck he attributes to his "charm 4"
Another member of his profession has a
glove worn by VIGOROUSLY fortunate
player, now dead. Still another owns
a cane without which he could win moth
ing. They are the most superstitious
of created beings, these gallants of the
green cloth. Trifes light as air swerve
their whole lives. They will not eat
nor sleep, nor walk certain streets, nor
perform the commonest actions if the
signs their ever-watchful eyes seek for
bid it. However, they are only the ex-
aggerations of human characteristic,
the capitalization of the great
gambling spirit of the world.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13
Health in Michigan.

Reports to the State Board of HEALTH
Lansing, by observers of diseases in
different parts of the State, show the
principal diseases which caused most
sickness in Michigan during the week
ending March 81, 1883, as follows !:
Number of observers heard from, 48.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

A COLORADO farmer has invented
duck-hunting outfit which discounts
the California mans COW. He stripped
the hide from bullock and mounted it
on wire skeleton which looked as
natural as a living animal. He cut
away the belly of his wire bullock for
his body, and made two holes through
the shoulders to take sight through.
When he wants duck shoot he drops
his skeleton over his head and starts
out for the tules. He can walk right
into flock of ducks without starting
them, and has on one or two occasions
returned home with his hiding place
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13
The Mate of the Mark Twain.

The first mate of the vessel, he of the
fur cap, was a character. 1t was APP
propriate to find him in the Mark
Twain. He was bald and looked very
old, but declared he was thirty.
EFF you had been through what hev,
my traveiin' stranger" quoth he, "you
too would look like an example of the
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

The question as to whether hus-
band has a right to exact that his better
half shall build the fire is to be settled
in Indiana. A ministers wife has raised
the issue in a suit for divorce. The jury in
the case have a solemn duty to per-
form. This is time when married
men should stand together.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

MICHAEL MCGLoIN, who was hung at
New York recently, did the world
splendid service by getting out of it,
and would have laid the community
under still greater obligations if he
could have taken his whole disrepu-
table and dangerous brotherhood with
him. He was one of the low-lived
scoundrels who infest all cities, and
the circle in which he moved insisted,
as he put it himself, that "a Teller amt a
tough until he has downed his man. +"
In order that this brutal and beastly
wretch might blossom into creditable
fellowship with his kind, he sought a
quarrel with an unarmed man for the
express purpose of downing" him and
graduating as tough" and killed him.
Such as McGloir are thieves when they
are born, and naturally come to be MUIR
derers. In New York they attack butch
ers' carts at in the morning, and brew
ers' messenger boys, wrench diamonds
from the ears of women of Fifth ave-
nue., lash the front doors of jewelry shops
and smash through the windows, rob
bobtail cars, assault women in tunnels,
attack strangers on the back platform
of street-cars, and, armed with 81 Sec
ond-hand shooters, wage reckless and
petty war upon the community. Every
where else they are in proportion to the
opportunity offered equally pest and
danger, and Mr.. McGloin scarcely did
the fair thing by the world when he
went and left his outlaw guild behind
him
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13
Che TrMe gurtheruer.
FRIDAY. APRIL ID, 1888.

Mr.. GLADSTONE would utilize wet
lands by growing water dresses, and i'm
prove railroad embankments by plant
ing fruit trees.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

very meritorious bill, and one that
should become law, is that of Senator
Fast, that passed the Senate on the 27th, to
prohibit the selling Of "any cartridge or per-
cussion cap of any form or material or any
pistol or other mechanical continuance
specially arranged for the explosion of the
same, to any child under IL years of age"
The penalties are 500 for each offense, or
imprisonment not exceeding ninety days
As no other holidays are likely TO occur for
time, the Legislature Is expected to push
things upon reassembling April 4.
OBSERVER
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

The sale of beer in Berlin is regulated
by law, and each glass has mark upon
the side showing the height below which
there must be no froth, and your aver
age German is very particular to see
that the top of the beer and the bottom
of the foam meet at that line.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

EVERY flower in house certifies TO the
refinement of somebody. Every vine,
climbing and blossoming, tells of love
and Joy.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

WE are never ruined by what we
want, but by what we think we want.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

IT takes four ladies of the bedcham-
Der, every one of whom must be peerless,
eight common ladies of the bedchamber
and twelve bedchamber women to put
Queen Victoria to bed. But it must
not be supposed that all take part in
the preliminary process. They just
hang around until she becomes COM
Portable, and then, one by one, are sent
off by the Queen on little errands,
such as opening the stove doors, shut
ting off draughts, fastening forgotten
windows, bringing the fower-pots in,
putting the cat out and attending to
numerous other little things which a
woman never thinks of until she gets
under the covers.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

IT is stated that the French Channel
Tunnel Company have decided to sus-
l<nd operations at Sangatte, France.
The principal reason for this is that
the company desire, before mourning
further expense, to ascertain what are
the intentions of the English Govern
ment on the matter. During the time
that the works are suspended, the bor-
ing machine will be removed from the
heading, thoroughly overhauled, and
several improvements effected in order
to obtain higher rate CT speed. At the
present time the length of the tunnel is
very little under mile and quarter
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-04-13

full of teal caught with his hands. He
never fails to kill all he wants when he
takes his gun, for he marches into
flock and turns both barrels loose at a
time. He usually bags the whole flock.
He has applied for patent.
The new President of the United
States Senate, Senator George +. Ed
munds, of Vermont, is said to have an
income ranging from $4,000 to $780,
900 a year. He is the counsel for the
Vermont Central railroad, for which
he is paid $4,000 year. There is
hardlya single case brought before the
Supreme Court that does first go to
him for an opinion, and for these opin-
ions he receives sums varying from So
600 to $40, 900 each. Only a few days
ago he went to New York and argued
two cases, and for the two arguments
he received $4,000. The late Matt
Carpenter had in hand all the compli-
Gated cases growing out of French
claims, and the litigations of the cable
companies in this country. When he
found that he was going to die he mott
fed these companies, and they asked
him to name his successor. He said
that MIR. Edmunds was the only man
who could master the complicated de-
tails of the case, and it is said on good
authority that the Vermont Senator re-
ceived 100000 in retainers from the
cable companies after Carpenters death.
Mr.. Edmunds is estimated to be worth
not less than half million, and every
dollar of it he has earned himself -
Boston Traveller
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09
The Ubiquitous Yankee.

A few months ago an Englishlnap
ambled into a jewelers. store in Lam.
pasas, Tex, when the following con.
versation ensued: Gave you got hany
good hold Hinglish time-pieces in the
nature of clocks?" asked the English.
man. ave have nothing but Ameri-
can-made clocks" replied the jeweler:
"they are by far the best and of superb.
or workmanship. ..Ho, no, you are
mistaken. If cawn't get me an Hin
glish clock must send hover to Hin
gland and ave me own family piece sent
hover by steamer, you know" The
jeweler said very well, and the English.
man went home and wrote for this
marvellous family time-piece. In due
course of time it arrived; and as the
Englishman was conveying it up from
the express office he dropped into the
jewelers. to exhibit it. Jaw, now," he
said, with his face wreathed in smiles,
'.look hat this for minute. 'Ere's a
time-piece which has been in our fami-
ly for many years, and has Railways
kept perfect time. Look hand see hit
you don't consider it superior to Ameri.
can clocks The jeweler examined
the exterior of the clock, and. then
opened it. Brushing the dust from a
dimly-printed label in the back, he re-
vealed to the astonished Briton the fol.
lowing label: Seth Thomas, Bridge.
port. Conn.,, U. S. A., 1889" "Aw,"
said the Englishman, with a gloomy
brow. SOW the blawsted Yankee does
spread himself. "-Teras Sytings.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09
The Horse Must Go.

A St. Louis inventor claims to have
completed a piston movement like that
of the steam engine to which, however,
electricity instead of steam is to be ap-
piled. 1t has four magnets which act
alternately in attracting and repelling
the piston. 1t is proposed to apply it
to cabs, street cars, yachts, etc. 1t will
have storage battery capable of run
ming it twenty-four hours. The great
desideratum in locomotion now is a
small, cheap. convenient motor for We
hicles in cities. Horse power, in its
literal, not in its mechanical, sense is
behind the age. There is no more rea-
son why the carts. carriages and cars OF
a paved city should be drawn by so ex-
pensive and awkward power as horses
than why warehouse elevators should
be hoisted and lowered by man power,
or saw-mills be operated by horses. A
small neat motor slowed compactly
away under the vehicle would be as
progressive mechanical device as the
sewing machine. For in health and
cleanliness alone it would be blessing.
Nearly the whole of the mud and dust
in city streets is the result of using
horses; and their shoes pound and tear
the pavements to pieces quite as much
as the wheels of vehicles. The day will
come, perhaps, when even the present
generation will see all vehicles in large
towns and cities propelled by electricity,
and horse be only an object of luxury
or uriosity.-DetrOit Free Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09
Cows Chewing Bones.

Why do COWS chew bones? Why do
not all cows chew them? Probably
there are farmers who honestly believe
that because their own COWS will chew
bones if they can find them, all cows
will do so, but this is mistake, and a
little wider observation would show it
as such. Sucking calves rarely chew
anything until they are old enough to
begin to eat hay or other solid food. A
weaned calf is apt to chew almost any
thing it can get hold of. Chewing
bones, tapping barn boards, eating old
leather, whips, boots, woollen clothing,
and the manure from grain fed horses,
are all indications that the cows want
something that they do not find in their
regular food, or else, that they have
lost their appetite, and have constant
craving, or an abnormal condition of
the digestive organs. A perfectly
healthy COW will be fully satisfied with
healthful food, such as grass or hay,
just as g young, healthy calf will be per-
fectly satisfied with its mothers milk
taken in natures way.
Forty years ago, the cows kept on
Pine Hedge farm would all gnaw bones
when they could get them, Just as do
other cows on some of the adjoining
farms at the present time. The hest
cows, those giving the most milk, We're
the most persistent bone ehewers- while
the oxen and young stock, and The far
row cows, or those giving little milk,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09
st. Peters.

st. Peters is the most famous church
in the world, and it deserves its fame.
BY comparison all other churches are
pigmies, and in point of splendor the
hand of man has never made anything
to compare with it. Among churches
it is the whale amongst minnows,
while in grandeur of conception, in
glory of adornment - beauty is toe
small word, but let it go-in beauty
of completion, there is nothing like it in
Europe, or probably, in the world.
When you have seen ST. Peters you
have seen everything that is perfect in
churches, and if churches are what you
are after, you should spend year OF
two in studying it, and then borrow
money enough and come home.
Enter Rome from what way You may,
the majestic dome of st. Peters is the
first object that catches the eye. 1t is
visible everywhere, for it towers over
all its surroundings. unequaled and I'M
approached.
1t is not an ancient structure, having
had its beginning in 1850, though as
but little was done upon it for years its
real date is much later one. However,
that antiquity may not be lacking, it is
said that upon the site of the present
church there had always been church,
and that the ground is sacred as having
been the scene of martyrdom by the
tyrant, Nero This ought not to give it
any especial sanctity, as one would be
puzzled to find ali inch of ground in
Rome that had not been soaked at some
period with the blood of somebody.
In 1908 the foundation stones of one
of the great pillars supporting the Won
drous dome were laid with much cere-
mony, though some hundreds of years
elapsed before the great work was COM
pleted. What its cost was, from begin
ming to end, nobody knows orever will,
but it is known that after completion the
enormous sum of S60,000,0 900 was ex-
pended to finish its ornamentations, and
that it requires an annual expenditure
of $50, 900 to keep it in repair. 1t pays
the church TODD It, for the money comes
from all over the world, and 1t certain
ly pays Rome to keep it up for st.
Peters alone is an attraction. in and OF
itself, sufficient to keep Rome full OF
strangers.
The entrance from the dirty city to
the.front of the great church is as strik-
ing as the church itself. 1t is placed at
the end of a great piazza which is in
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09
The Peanut Crop.

We expected it. It happens every
year, with as much regularity as
Thanksgiving Day or the Fourth Of
July, or the blighting of the peach buds
in Delaware by the frost. The peanut
crop in Virginia is failure. One might
SUPPOSE, from the gravity of the an
nouncement, that Virginia is the only
State that raises peanuts. This is not
the case. as the visitor to the New Eng
land Fair in Boston knows full well.
One of the most striking features of that
exhibition is the display of North Caro-
lima, and our readers doubtless have
heard that the great attraction of that
display is the mammoth peanut stand,
where souvenirs of the exhibition are
retailed at the low price of five cents
per quart. 1t is said that some Of the
peanuts measure six inches in length,
and that, judiciously piled in the meas
ure, twenty of them win fill q quart cup
of the size used by dealers. This proves
that the peanut crop of North Carolins
is not failure. There are other States,
also, that produce them in great guam
titles. 1t is difficult to see; therefore,
what greater effect this announcement
Will nave III DuliiIS tuc LuoE hct Sutsu tuo
recent dispatch from Wisconsin an.
nouncing that the cucumber crop which
supplied Wa-wa-tou-sa with pickles had
been destroyed by the early frost
The rumor was doubtless started by
some interested vender who hoped to Be
able to sell his wares at six cents
quart. But he might have known that
it would be of no use. What he needs
to do is to get up United Grand Lodge
of Knights of the Peanut Stand. and
have the price regulated by official die
tation from the Grand Honorable Com
mander-Genera of the Order. He
would then be in position to dictate to
growers the price at which they should
sell their crop, and the peanut vendei
would at once rise to social position
only one grade below that of the
plumber. BY stamping every peanut
with the seal of the order, he could boy
colt all the guerilla dealers by announc-
ing to the general public that they must
not buy any unstamped goods. If the
individual in question will adopt this
suggestion we are sure he will find thai
there's millions in it," Until some.
thing of the kind is done, we shall ex,
pect to hear the familiar cry of ''five
qua-at. IN. Y. Mail.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09
THE OLD VILLAGE DEPOT.

There stands the old station-house out in the
A stones throw away from my door,
With its wind-oeaten wall and its weather
racked pane,
And its rickety, rat-haunted floor;
Its sashes are scanned, and its lintels are
with the iacs-knives of twenty long years;
And the caves where the wings of the swal-
lows once flashed
Are touched with the kinshIp of tears.
DID house! it looms up like ghost in the
gale,
And speaks, with aweird and aweariless wall.
OF the dim, irrepealable past;
On the old dingy platform that girdles 1t
The wealth of the prairie once poured,
And daily the carriage of commerce came
down
with the wares of the merchant aboard.
Twas here where our brothers went of to the
We blessed them and babe them adieu:
And we welcomed them, here, meath BAN
When the terrible conflict was through:
And here where the barefooted boys are at
play
The war-trumpets Numbered of yore-
And here came the collins, in ghastly array,
OF the dear soldier-dead to our door.
Twas here the young bride, in her beauty and
bloom,
To her cheek felt the parting KISS prest;
And here beat with rapture the heart of the
groom.
As he Graded her form on his breast;
And here in his spualor the mendicant crept,
To shelter himself from the blast,
an the rnerciless midnight. and dreamed as he
slept
or the happier days of the past
And here came the message, more feet than
dove,
Ger the wandering, wavering wire,
That filed us with grief, or that thrilled us
with love.
As we peacefully sat round the fire:
Oh the old station-house. il will soon tumble
down.
Its timbers are crumbling away.
But its record is writ on the heart of the
Town.
And its glory abideth for aye.
u. ". NdttIe s, in Toledo Bldde.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09

A party of explorers recently Wis.
tied Mount Adams, in Washington Ter.
r,tory, and assembled to an elevation OF
1860 feet. They penetrated the
crater to distance of 100 feet, where
they found ceaseless drip of water
coming from the roof of the ice-encased
entrance, which was caused by a warm
air current coming from the fires below,
whence loud kissing noise arose. A
rock hurled by the party in the crater
produced a deafening detonation.-San
francisco Chronicle.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09

New Tacoma, W. T., has forty law.
yers and 1000 people. Each lawyer
arrived with the expectation OF being
the great man of the Territory, and ul.
timately United States Senator. be
is now willing to be Coroner.-Csscag.
Inter- Ocean.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09

Some Springfield physicians are
specializing upon the influence of the
telephone upon the sense of hearing.
They have found several cases wherein
disease of the ear has been aggravated
by using it.-Bostoa Herald.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-09

BY the Mississippi overflow of last
year Louisiana claims to have been
damaged to the extent OF SEQ, 0eJ. 000.-
A. o. HcayRne.