The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-12-27
WIT AND HUM0R,

musical world is on the high C.
Emerson said: "There is always
room for man of force" He had
probably met Sullivan in crowd.
Irving smokes cigarettes almost con-
tinually. We always thought he was
fond of puffs.
The use of French word in English
composition frequently fills the place of
an idea.
New York ladies now take lessons in
fencing. They hope to make them
selves more killing than ever.
Conceit is ike grease. Itserves to lu-
bricate the machine of life and make it
run smoother.
"A topper defends his custom of get
ting tight on Thanksgiving day by say
ing that a man can not see Turkey
without thinking of the Golden Horn.
It's a mighty mean man who wrote
"Pull Down the Blind" He would
probably be in favor of beating the
cripples.
AWestern man calls his trotting horse
go" The animal, it is supposed, has
only been successful in two races, hence
his odd name. Twice won's So"
A blue-stocking has written an essay
on 1.-The Disadvantage of Being Pretty"
Most girls are gOod-natured and willing
to put up with the disadvantages.
A mis- is japanese measure of
length 1,5O0 yards long. This is a
mis- that is very nearly as good as a
mile.
'sThat man liked to have knocked my
brains OUT "Why, you don't say SOP
didn't notice that he kicked you. l
thought he hit you on the head.
no" said Mr.. Carefulbody, 'Inever
say good word of any man. How do
j know but he will be up for Office some
day or other?'
About the most amusing thing we
know of is to watch a bald-headed man
with wig try to scratch his head in
church on Sunday morning.
"Yes," said Amy. 81 went to the
telephone and put the thingunbob to
my car "Thingumbobn' scream
ed the high-school girl; ''yOu mean the
audituent tube"
Ofer you got rebutation, yoost put
him by der key und lock. He vas yoost
like some umbrellas, when you loose
him you dond see him not any more
yet Cart Pretzel.
Landlady-''It's singular, but true,
Mr.. Crossgrain that all my boarders
remain with me-" New boarder Cat
first meaD-''1oo weak to leave,
guess, after the first week" "
The New York San fails to answer a
correspondent who asks chow can pro-
family on street cars and in other public
places be checkedp" How would it do
to "turn the rascals out. p"
There is one cheering reflection con-
nected with the subject of cremation.
If it ever becomes general, callow poets
will quit chanting their lays about the
cold, cold grave.
/. ''What are you laughing at, my dearP'
asked Mrs Jones of her husband, who
was chuckling over his morning paper
''S0mething l saw here" he replied,
"but it's hardly funny enough for two. y
Reassuring: Sick man-What! lady
physician? | want a doctor to make
me well, not a woman, to make love tC
me- Woman physician promise tc
do neither.
A sick friend writes to us to ascertain
the shortest road to health. There arc
two paths-allopaths and homeopaths
you take your choice and pay your
money.
81 wish had a pug dog" said an
uptown youth recently. "What in the
world d., you want one of the critters
for?'' asked friend. 81 know where
l could sell him for $15r' was the earn
est reply.
$50 your husband il a criticP Now,
tell me. does he always write just what
he thinks about a playP' ''Oh, dear,
no! 1t wouldn't do. His paper goes
into the best families, and profanity is
out of the question"
Monsignor Capel says that there is
more immortality in the daily newspa-
pers than anywhere else. The reason
for this state of affairs is that the daily
newspapers are filled with the immor-
alities of the rest of the world.
Married men have nothing to say in
disapproval of the ''shingled bang"
As q rule, Il married man doesn't care
what his wife does to her own hair so
long as she keeps her fingers out of
his.
''Do you ever gambler" she asked, as
they sat together, her hand held in his.
He replied: '.No; but if l wanted to
now would be my time" elbow so" ="
because / hold a beautiful hand. J"
The engagement is announced.
An Erie canal mule has toed the tow
path of that raging inland sea since
1853, and isn't worn out yet. The ca
pabilities of the mule are always thrust
ing themselves to the front-or TO the
rear, we don't remember which.
What do we learn from the parable
of the seven wise and seven foolish vir-
gins?" was recently asked in a Texas
GruIoyy cnhnnl GgTbnf ,,-t tf.b
every hour for the coming OF the BRIDE
groom" gushing Galveston girl re-
piled.
"You ought to be in your own room
now,' said Amy, ''we have teacher
that rules the roost." ''Well," replied
the Boston high school girl, 'tTd be
ashamed of myself; you should say,
governs the horizontal perch on which
the fowl reposes, not rules the roost. >
A colored girl was heard the other
day to remark confidentially TO friend:
"Yes'm, done write to my gemmen
fren' dat de next time set de day fur
de ceremony it'll have to come off; an
he knows rs in earnest, for put it in
parenthesis.
A little girl sat on the floor crying.
After while she stopped and seemed
buried in thought. Looking up sudden
ly, she said; Mamma. what was | cry
ing abontP" Because wouldn't let
you 90 down town" ''Oh, yes!" and
she sat up another howl.
"What remarkable nightgowns were
worn in the early days of England" ="
Jones remarked MS he scrutinized the
armor. ''Nightgowns!' l exclaimed
in surprise. Certainly" said Jones,
don't you see they were only put on
knights!'
Long Branch is said to be the oldest
settlement in Northern New Jersey,
and it has II church built in Queen
Annes time. You see, a church at
Long Branch is used so little that it
doesn't get worn out, and lasts long
time.
In high dudgeon: 81 can not under
stand what offended Mr.. Duday last
night at the party" said the high