The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-11-10
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Chicago girls never ''stand on GER
emOny." This is considered a fortu--
nate thing for ceremony Philadelphia
CaU
Some San Francisco people are
talking about the desirabilitv of hold
ing another worlds fair Won't it be
time enough to decide upon that after
they get there?-IndjaaapoljS Journal.
"A twelve-year-old boy of Franklin,
Penn, burst blood-vessel while blow
ing a tin horn, and died in few hours.
Ii this item is of no use to you cut it
out and hand it to your neighbor.-
Lo1DeU Citizen
-''When does man become a
seamStress?H ''When he hens and
haws." mo "When he threads
his way" ''When he rips and tears"
"No." "Give it up" ''Never, if he
can help it.
"A Stratford Comm woman
dreamed that she saw her husband kiss
ing a neighbours wife, and she awoke
and struck him across his face and
broke his nose. The next night he ate
mince pie, Welsh rarebit, dried apples
and wedding cake to have dream and
get square with er.-LOulSUdIe Courier
Journal.
There is not dude in Finland.
''Finnish dudes" says the historian, -
''never live long enough to be COM
pleted. They are used for crab-bait
before their buttons be disclosed, and
are thus sensibly utilized in the liquid
morn and dew of youth, before con-
tagious ailments become imminent.
Almost hint-''How' yer comm
on in your new place." asked Uncle
Nose of Gabe Snodgrass, who had re-
Gently accepted position as porter in
an Austin hardware store. Use not
comm on very fas', Uncle Nose De
boss tole me somefng dis mornin', and
eff he don't take it back he gwinter lose
me, shuah yer born" ''What did he
tole yer?" ''He tole me ter consider
myself discharged. "-1enaS SJt5mgS.
"A grocer insulted Mrs. Nose
Schaumberg the other day without in
tending it. She is an immensely stout
woman, and, stepping upon the scales,
playfully requested the grocer to weigh
her. AS he adjusted the weights he re-
marked that she weighed 100 pounds,
which proved to be her exact weight.
GLOW did you come to guess it?" she
asked. 81 am used to guessing at
weights. l weighed hogs for five years
in Cincinnati. "--Erchange.
It's no use," wrote a Yankee edi-
tor. ''for Veritas to send us more no.
tees of Marrow Escapes until he can
beat this: Last night, as the express
train was nearing Nashville, stranger
accidentally rot on the rails. lint see.
ing the engine and cars coming, man
aged to fix himself bolt upright against
a bank, and 'drew i'm until he was as
flat as board. The train shaved him
so close that it cut the knobs of the
bone studs of his shirt, but otherwise
did him no damage. "-LoRdon Society,"
"A Chicago hackman who has a
pleasant face and winning ways, has,
according to the Chicago Herald, gained
$4,000 from his business in the past
ten years. His eye falls on a country
man getting out of the train to make
his first visit to the city The hackman
engages to show the stranger around
town for a dollar. Ere they reach a
clothing store he has persuaded his
customer to buy new suit of clothes,
ana then the two must necessarily 90
to a shoemaker's to get boots to match.
And so the hackman trots his man
around until the city has been seen,
and the rural visitor feels grateful to
the man who has taken so much pains
with him. In the evening the hackman
goes TO the traders and draws his COM
missions.