River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-06-14
UNBIASED .ruSTICE.
The Session Ended, His Honor Re
tires From Court.

From the Stockton Herald
"When was practising down at
Tombstone" said the lawyer, "a friend
of mine had his ear chewed off one
evening in dispute with a prominent
citizen who dealt faro. After seeing the
doctor he came to me, and under my
advice he had the prominent citizen ar
rested on charge of mayhem. Next
day we had the man up for his prelim-
mary examination. My friend was there
with his head bandaged, and so were
the prominent citizen and his counsel,
and the friends of both parties
tough general public in Tombstone
crowded the room. The hour went by,
but the Justice didn't turn up. The con-
stable went out to look for him, but
couldn't find him in any of the saloons.
We secuted round for half an hour, but
nary sign of the court turned up. FL
nallv. General O'Brien, the leader of
the Tombstone bar, stuck his head up
through trap-door in the floor and said
in a solemn way:
Gentlemen, remove your hats. His
honor is here" And he dragged the
court up by the collar. He was Timber
drunk and had been sleeping it oil IN
the cellar. You never saw such long
adjournment from decency as that orna-
mens from the bench was. He was COW
cred with dirt, and even his hair and
beard were chock full of saw-dust.
There was, remember, q
flattenei quid of tobacco on his
cheekbone. We had to hold his honor
under each arm as we led him to the
nearest barber shop. A bath and
shampoo brought back some life to him
and he was able to walk without help to
the court room. Once in the chair be-
hind his high desk he looked all right
and he went on with the case. We had
taken the testimony of three witnesses
to the row and subsequent chewing of
my friends ear in the Excelsior faro
parlors, when Gen; O'Brien. and Col.
Stephens, both on the other side, jump
ed up and objected to one of my ques-
tions. 1t was a law point, and we ar
gued and quoted authorities for about
half an hour. 1t was pretty hot set
out and we were all on our feet when
we finished aud turned round to the
court for a ruling. He was looking
straight before him up above us as if he
was sleeping with his eyes open.
"'Your honor said the general, after
long pause, we are waiting for your
ruling
"There was no answer. Then 1 chip
ped in with:
"'Your honor, will you be good
enough to give us your ruling"
"'What that?' he said, trying to bring
his eyes to bear upon me-.
"We want your ruling"
Courts adjourned" he said, trying to
rise.
We all protested, but his only answer
was to strike his desk with his fist and
cry out again that the court adjourned.
won't you fix the bail of this defend
ant?' demanded the general.
Now, shir," said the court, who had
got on his feet by this time and was
frowning heavily. "Turn'im louise. He'd
oughter chawed the head of that ten
derfoot, that's what he oughter done"
"Well, gentlemen, what do you think
the court did next? He just deliberately
staggered over to the trap door, lifted 1t
ste pped down the stairs until only his
head and shoulders were above the floor
and then pausing to glare at the paraly-
zed crowd of us growled out:
"Yeh can all 90 to-"
with that he ducked and let the door
fall, and | suppose he had his sleep out
on the dirty aoor of the cellar"