The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-07-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

AL olu iutJ III IlOlluHu, NHOSc SUR
occupation was houscwifery. scrubbed
her sitting-room floor until she fell
through into the cellar.
When man and his wife engaged in
n debate the other night and the dog
got up and scratched to be let out OF the
loom, they concluded that it was time t.
stop the discussion.
Members of the Missouri Legislature.
now only get 81 day, which seems
very small pay, though it is probable
that every state knows the value of her
own statesmen.
At a Dubuque church sociable the
ladies appeared clad in paper costumes.
The Herald man says they presented .
novel appearance. This is supposed t.
be an allusion to dime novel.
go yes" explained Mrs. Suddenrich
es, tour aunt's sisters were Knicker'
bockers all through and they used t.
give balls and parties in the old cologne
days which for swelldom and style beat
the Dutch.
People who are constantly inveighine
against Mr.. Vanderbilt simply because
he is rich and spends his money as h.
likes, should remember that some day
they may be rich themselves. Never
strike a man when he is down.
"Faix, an that / have, yer honor
three of them. two girls and by; and
foine vans, toe" is the reply made by
an Irish-American citizen of New York,
when asked by magistrate if he had a
marriage certificate.
An auctioneer at sale of antiquities
put up helmet with the following can.
did observations: "This, ladies and
gentlemen. is a helmet of Romulus, the
founder of Rome, but whether he was
brass or iron founder | cannot tell. "
If the earl of Dalhousie were to read
DIR. DiX's sermon, he would infer that
the difficulty in this country was not
that men married the sister of deceas-
ed wife, but married the sister of wife
still living.
"Iam u native American citizen, born,
bejabers, in this country" said Mr..
Muldoon, at a recent political gathering,
land if We disbelieve it, come around
home and l will show We me NATURAL.
zathion paphers."
An author who was eulogzing his
own works as containing much flood
for thought was rather taken aback
by the remark of friend: 'They may
contain food for thought, but it is wretch
edly cooked"
In the Kingdom of Siam all college
students are allowed but two wives
This is shameful. They are putting
more rules on every year. After a
while they will probably be limited tC
one. The freshmen should certainly
kick.
1t is said that condensed elephants
milk is now used as tonic. We have
all along supposed that elephants milk
was used i'm the manufacture of green
cheese of which the moon is said to be
composed. We are glad to be disabus
ed of such an erroneous idea.
Crowds are honest. If you cOmpli.
ment an individual man to his face, he'll
pretend he doesn't like it; but tell an
audience that it is with unspeakable
pleasure that you appear before such a
tine-looking, intelligent body Of men,
and you will be applauded to the echo.
He was man that would weigh at
least three hundred pounds, and when
he said to his small friend, at whose
Office he called on his way downtown,
I'll drop in on you when i return, " the
little man exclaimed "Gosh!" and
tainted away.
A preacher who was not well &C
quainted with the Evolutionary art
placed the infection on the wrong word.
following the literal italic in I. Kings
xiii, "a, and read: And spake unto his
son, saying. saddle me the ass, and they
saddled him.
A safe guard "Meier,
when you are on guard at the powder
magazine and man passes SIN oking q
cigar. what do you do?" Meier: "Shoni
to him to throw It away" Subaltern.
"And then?" Meier: "Td pick it up
and smoke the rest of It myself"
We congratulate Mr.. Ravoninahitrin-
iarivo on his arrival, andhope that he left
D.. -. 4: -. =. Ill