Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-15

JACK (1ulmDy saw the OlQ year out ana
the new year in according to the usual
fashion of such ceremonies. And he
awoke with the same old head, only in
tensied by more deeper and more var
led rotations. While he was deliberat-
ing whether it was worth while getting
up at all or not, knock came at his
door, Immediately followed by a couple
of young fellows, faultlessly dressed in
the regulation visiting costume.
"Cone, come, Jack ? You're nice
fellow for a calling chum. Over forty
visits to make to day and not up yet"
and they dragged the unfortunate roys-
terer from his bed, and watched his hur-
ried efforts at dressing with uproarous
mirth.
1t was quite late in the evening before
the Quimby carriage halted before Judge
Benton's door. Alice had been aaxiously
expecting him all day, but when gush
of cloves preceded his entrance her heart
sank within her. Jack felt the impor-
lance of presenting a sober appearance,
and his bow was cold, almost stern, and
full of preternatural gravity.
CT wish you, Miss Benton, the COM
pliments of the season." he said. In
slow and deliberate accents. There was
not solitary ''r" in this sentence, for
Mr.. Quimby knew from past experience
the dangers surrounding that consonant
at this stage of the proceedings.
"Judge, am delighted to see you look
ing so WELL" and this time the bow was
directed to stiff high backed chair, an
heirloom in the Benton family.
"Sit down, Jack, and don't be silly, !"
whispered Alice, after greeting his
friends. ooh, you wicked boy! what's
the matter with your eyes? And your
neckUie has slipped up under your ear.
How your gloves are stained with
claret ?''
Half an hour later Mr.. Quimby was
supported to the carriage, and Alice
registered solemn VOW that unless her
cousins plan was conclusively and per-
manently effective she would never be
Mrs. Quimby, if she had to live and die
an old maid. On the evening of Mr..
Quimby's call half dozen young fell
lows sat together III the private rooms of
well-known restaurant. Alice Bentou's
cousin was chairman.
"Boys," he said, eve must all of us
make a raid upon Quimby tomorrow.
You, Jack, will be the deeply insulted
husband, and you, Tom, the honest viii
culturist whose money Quimby borrow
ed and squandered. Dick, I want you
to play the undertaken from whom the
coffin was engaged, and Bill, you can
appear as the man assaulted by Quimby
the angry man who had determined to
appeal to the law of his country for re-
dress in the shape of heavy damages.
The Office group will now rehearse."
When Jack Quimby awoke on the Sec
ond day Of the year he had a vague idea,
that he was on the threshold of sponta-
neous combustion. "Never," he groan-
ed, "were my coppers so Internally hot
before. If I don't join some temper
ance legion ere the day is over am a
lost man." Despite these reflections
Mr.. Quimby dressed and after a good
ronnd of stiff cocktails, walked to his
office and fell into regular business
groove.
"Quimby," said the senior partner of
the firm. 81 want that invoice made out
by ten o'clock"
"A1 right, sir; am at work on it
now"
Somebody for you, Mr.. Quimby,"
cried the messenger boy, bursting into
the private Office.
"Show him in" said Quimby. A
tall, gaunt individual followed the boy,
and, fixing stony glance at Jack, took
a vacant chair.
'tOf course you know who I am,
Quimby."
"I'm blessed if I do" replied Jack,
after close scrutiny: "never saw you
before in my life that can remember"
"My name" said the visitor, "is Eu-
tropius Brown. and have brought you
the coffin you ordered last evening. If
you will show me the deceased, Mr..
Quimby, will arrange everything with
out further delay. I believe you re-
marked the corpse had already been two
days on ice"
Quimby looked at the window. Sure
enough, there stood black wagon out
side the door.
"My dear sir" he said, "there is no.
body dead In this house. This is a bust
ness house, and you are quite mistaken
about the address. [ never ordered a
coffin from you. I've got no one to
bury, and it strikes me-" added Jack,
growing desperate, "that you are alto
gether IN error, in fact that you are not
quite right in your mind"
Sis not your name John Quimby 2"
"It is; Pm Quimby; but, great heav-
ems, have no use for an undertaken"
"Then Why" said Brown, in an ex-
cited voice, " did you come to my estab-
lishment andring the night bell? Why
did you tell me to bring along in the
morning, the nobbiest casket in the
shop? Do you think that is fair treat
ment for decent undertaken, Mr.. Quinn
by? Do you think"
"For the Lords sake be quiet, !"
gasped Jack. Here are five dollars for
New Years present. Say no more
about it. Take your casket back and
will call on you this afternoon and
square up the balance. Don't you see
that 1 was not myself when I spoke to
you about that interment? Now, go
away, like good fellow" and Jack
pushed Mr.. Brown out and sat down
again to his invoices with heavy heart.
SEHOyu fI11I I r,o11ct hoxya hoo, ~ h. ,oo,-G