Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-08-03

W. ANSW AiaNtu hithilltu utllytu u III
neral nearly fifteen inmates by fight to &c
tcrmnc which should carry the chief NOUN
ers.
Ouida, the novelist is said to have gor,
crazy. Well, we are glad she has got theic
at last.
A new departurc-I.ily's, for England.
A New Haven clerk ate fifty banar Al
on wager. lie didn't die, but he ough
to.
The average salary of Methodist min 8
tiers in New England is $500. And ye
good people howl because young mtn don
crowd the profession.
A wig-maker says that women invatial j.
bccolac bald on the crown of the head
That's the only place where they ever have
any real hair.
The farmers Of Westchcstcr County, New
York, have formed burgar-shooting club
This method, it is hoped, will be more efca.
cious than the old one Of crawling unde,
the bed
A critic says of lady musician, "She
plays the fiddle like ar angel" If the an.
gels have taken to playing iiddles, we 81 all
put in our time loafing around the gate with
st, Peter.
A Georgia watermelon vine is 1900 f,
long, and has produced 400 pounds of melons
By-and-by, at this rate, the tables will be
turned, and the vines will take to chasing
the negroes.
De fish is heap bigger forever gifts il
outen de water. - Plantation nhilosop1y
We doubt it; it is the biggest before maj
gets it to the scales.
"Thc real cost Of soap" says an adver
tiser, is not to be estimated by the price pait
but by the results" Exactly. II bar
will bring back the flesh tint to printer q
hands, it is as cheap us II whole tub-full.
A gentleman who touched "squi l." ly-
ing at the surface of the water was drcnched
from head to foot with ink. We believe the
sluid was the original model OF the style
graphic pen.
"lf there is any person whom you dislike
says writer, THAT is the very person o.
whom you ought never to speak" Mos,
people don't talk OF much of anything else.
There is man in st. Louis who boasts
that he has conversed with 1000 Democrats
on the presidential topic. He is worn as thlr
as hoe handle, and can't tell rcd-headet
rooster from barber pole.
King Kalakaua offers his yacht for sale
Any one who wants q firs-class-dug. out fo
pickerel fishing and jack shooting had bette
look up the matter.
Why is reticent man like telescope
Because they both have to be drawn out be
fore you eau see through them.
A piece maker-thc hired girl.
writer slys that all young men SHOULD
learn 10 speak without notes. Lots of EN-
sing that way.
An exchange has poem on "'rhe FRS
Kiss 1t hangs on just about as long a
the kiss did
A Chicago man confesses having married
nine women, all of whom are living. Tn,
wonder is that he is living.
An Italian chemist has perfected a pro.
cess by which liquor can be condensed an(
hardened, just like maple sugar. This takes
the cake.
A Georgia man was bitten by rattle
snake. He promptly sat down and chewe(
II pound of tobacco, while his son ran to the
nearest drug store and got II gallon of whis-
key. 1t is needless TO say that the man re-
covered
A llub.bub-a Boston boy
Barbed wire fences are becoming more
common. Lovers don't walk 'n the greer
fields now.
Rosa Bonheur buys her brothers WORKOUT
clothes at % per cent reduction.
A farmer near Hatper's Ferry was so shor
of hands that he had to hire four pr, acher
and a school teacher to work in the bayfield,
He says they aren't so lazy as they are rep
resented to be.
An exchange says tina. there is law II
New Jersey by which no person is allowe
to black boots under Is years of age. VIVA
to gracious do they make New Jersey boot
of, anyway
A Pennsylvania clergyman is a pitcher i
a baseball nine. His gestures sometime
make the congregation duck their heads.
John Wcsley's breastpin was among tn
articles offered for sale at recent Londo
tair 1t was not because John was vain bu
because he was poor, that he had to be col
tent with an Alaska diamond.
A musical journal has an article on MI
sic as Healing Art" 1t must he som
plaguey excruciating disease that woul
make man banker for this heroic trea
mcnt.
1t is said that grasshopper will kick /
days after being dccapitated. According t
the laws of dynamics, then, II mule ought t
kick 1000 years.
AS Mrs. Langtry boarded the Alaska, sh
said, II love America none the less, but
am glad to 60 home 10 my dear husband.
Oh, how she loves him
1t is asserted that no weather prophet wa
ever sunstruck. That is true. They are al
| II. L., a.
in the shadow of the North Pole, where III,
sun can't get fair hack at 'em.
The New York critic who wanted to cal
Miss Kate Pattson "lhe bonny English &C