The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-02-16
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
a mere nothing-O.

" ''NiO AiONiiiiS ~.
Patent medicines are now made that
Will cure everything except hams.
a piece of steel is good deal like
man-when you get it red-hot it looses
its temper.
Why is railroad SO patriotic?
Because it is bound to the country with
the strongest ties.
An exchange wants to know, "What
are our young men coming to-"
Coming to see our girls, of course.
"Ma, don't you remember that one
day, a few years ago, you swooned?"
Eyes, my dear, l have faint recollec-
ton Of it."
A coat-tail Irritation is the latest. A.
wrinkled coat-tail bearing the dusty
toe marks means II have spoken to
your father
The average life of farmer is fifty
six years. but it depends a great deal
on how old he is when he purchases "a
moving machine.
A young man who was presented
with eleven penwipers last Christmas
by his lady friends, continues to wipe
his pen on his coat tail.
"What shall do" asked a misery
millionaire of his physician. for tight
ness in my chest?" Start home for
Incurables." said the doctor.
Clothing is no more a part of the
man than is the toothpicka part of the
dinner, but given the man and the
dinner, clothing and toothpicks are
useful.
Over 10000 plants are known tc
botanists, and yet out of the lot the
chemists can't make mixture that will
undo in ten minutes the work hornet
has done in two seconds.
The German paper reports the case
of a woman who had a muscle of a
dog successfully grated on her foot.
Whenever she sees cat she chases it
to the top of fence and stands below
and barks.
did understand you to call me a
puppy, sir?' YES, sir, called you Il
puppy Lucky for you, sir. The
insult is too small to notice; but had
you called me dog-an old dog-I
would have knocked you down"
A man at hotel fell the whole
length of a flight of stairs. Servants
rushed to pick him up. They asked
him if he was hurt, NO." he replied;
mot at all, I'm used to coming down
that way. I'm life insurance agent,
She went into shop to buy some
toilet soap, and while there the shop
man was eXpatiating on its merits.
and she about made up her mind to
purchase, but when he said it would
keep off chaps she said she didn't want
That kind.
"Why do women so often wander
aimlessly in the murky solitudes of the
lead past, brooding over days forever
gomez" asked young lady of a mar
rving widower. "They don't think"
he said. Rather they wander in the
dry goods stores of the present, often
pricing articles which they have not
the remotest intention of buying"
In rural church where it is the
custom to publish the banns of marri-
age a queer incident recently occurred.
The minister, after the service, pub
lished the banns between loving and
interesting couple At that portion of
the form where the words, IF you
know any just cause" etc, came in,
the minister, whether from any previ-
Gus knowledge or not, looked straight
at the young gentleman directly at the
foot of the pulpit. Thinking that he
was personally alluded to, he immedi
ately rose up, amid the laughter of the
congregation, and exclaimed, "Oh, no,
not the slightest objection, sir"
ON THE SAME FOOTING.
How much man is like old shoes
For instance, both n sole may lose,
Both have been tanned, both are made tight
BY cobblers; both get left and right,
Both need a mate to be complete,
And both are made to go on feet.
They both need healing; oft are sold,
And both in time all turn to mold.
With shoes, the last is first; with men,
The first shall be the last; and when
The shoes wear out, they're mehded new;
When men wear out, they re men dead, too.
They both are trod upon, and both
VIII tread on others, nothing 10th,
Both have their ties, and both incline,
When polished, in the world to shine;
And both NAG ont And would Won choose