The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-01-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

IL dess | know what memory is,
said little four-year-old. 'Its the
ting fordet wild"
One of human natures oddities-The
girl with the biggest feet always wants
to play Cinderella.
Boston is town with ends to IL in
stead of sides. That's one reason why
she can never square herself
A New England photographer has dis
covered that dogs lungs is the seat
of its pants.
Some men are born slight, some
achieve slightneSs, hut most men have
Sights put upon them.
Mince pie is not only the most healthy
OF any sort, but you may eat six of 'em
for supper and have no bad dreams.
An engaged girl is happiest when she
is telling about it 10 another girl who is
not engaged and is not likely to be.
A mule is not generally considered an
aesthetic; but give his hind quarters half
show and he is big on art decorating.
when will this car goP" asked
gentleman, the other evening. "As
soon as it has cargo" was the prompt
reply.
The reason why some of the street
lamps burn all night is because the
light is 50 small it is afraid to go out
alone in the dark.
Every cloud has silver lining"
said Respondent diner, as he saw the
dusky walters pocket the quarters Of
the guests.
The earth is said to have two motions,
but to drunken man coming home ut
IL o'clock at night it doubtless has
more than 200.
Seventeen thousand names were ad-
ded to the pension rolls this last year.
1t is never too late To find out that you
were disabled.
Forney's Progress claims that billiard
balls can be made of potatoes. Perhaps
they can, but what's the use of wasting
the potatoesg'
Cairo, ILL.,, is the place where an Eng
Gsh sparrow carried Il lighted cigar stub
to its nest under the caves and burned
up the house. Sparrows haven't the
right sort of mouth to smoke cigars.
.Well madame, how's your husband
to-day?" why, doctor. he's no bet
ter" 'Did you get the leechesp"
.Yes, but he only took three Of them
raw had to fry the rest"
Young housewife: "What miserable
little eggs again! You must really tell
them, Jane, To let the hens sit on them
a little longer, or we must change our
grocer"
When you see it stated that man is
''eminently respecta le," you can make
up your mind that he is chap worth
over S1.0O0,OOO. Anywhere under that
figure is simply esteemed citizen"
"How dreary life would be without
hope" observes q Cleveland paper.
Yes. and when you get the list and lind
that your ticket didn't hit how mad you
are.
They were discussing an elopement,
and one lady, turning to her friend,
said: Don't you believe it would kill
you If your husband were to run away
with another womanp" 1T might" was
the cool reply. Great joy sometimes
kills"
A New England physician says that
every family would keep box of
mustard in the house three-iifths of the
doctors would starve. No instructions
rs to whether it should be kept in the
pantry or down cellar.
A negro was observed the other day
mailing an unstamped letter at the post
office in country town in Georgia. He
was asked what he meant by mailing
unpaid letters. '.Oh," replied the ne
gro. II does that regular" you dop"
"Yesser; wen de postmaster amt look
in draps my letter in; do dat often.
saves de postage, yer see. jes write
l,tt 60 and
slips here and let's her drap. OATS de
way send my letters and gets de best
of the postotfice-ha! ha! takes dis mig
ger to be sharp, it does"
The Dakota town of Pierre has new
Jail, and some people wonder because
local newspaper man praises 1t as "a
substantial wooden structure" Even
pine Jail ought to hold man until
the neighbors can get rope.
A German emperor made visit to
enc of his towns, and was received at
the gate by u long row of deputies. Just
rs they were about to address him
neighboring donkey set up q terrible
bray. Gentlemen" said the emperor.
eff you wish me to understand you, you
must speak one at time"
AAohOs VJoS1iooSu w hib
pretty niece, as he entered the parlor
and saw her in the arms of q swain,
who had just popped the question and
sealed it with kiss, whats the time
Of day nowp" II should think it was
hnlf-past twelve" was the cool reply of
the blushing damsel; you see we are
almost one"
"Any body called this morningp" ask
ed the editor Of country paper of his
assistant, whom he met on the stairs.
"Yes, our subscribers are up stairs"
"Whatl all of emp" Eyes, they're all |
there" "What did you do. then? We've
only got two chairs" 20. borrowed
one next door"
About six hundred years ago coun-
try editor started joke about printer
who made mistake in setting up
niece of copy The next week the edi- |