The Aberdeen weekly. [volume] (Aberdeen, Miss.) 1878-1933, 1883-01-19
COL. BROWN, THE MIND-READER.

guarded moments. HE'S q SlOcE-Dr0kCr,
with fine Office, corner of ------ (but
we won't give it away) The Office is
u wonderfully desirable situation in q
business point of view, and only has
one drawback. and that is, its attract
iveness for all species of agents and
high toned peddlers.
Rain or shine its doors are besieged
by the festive canvasser. Book-agents,
lightning-rod tends. chrome pcddlers,
piano borcs, Bible sharks, all seem to
discover an unaccoantable fascination
about this particu ar office and its genial
proprietor. Whether it is the Office
itself, or tho artistic manner in which
the Colonel bluffs them OF that consti-
tutes the attraction, is que ton, but
the charm is there. Notwithstanding.
Colonel Brown was formerly drum
mer, and takes an enormous pride in
his knowledge of human nature. He
claims that he can size anybody up,
from a serio-comic variety-singer to a
Bishop in the Me hodst Church. lie
has made scientific study of agents in
particular, and claims to know The tribe
in all its branches. AT the distance of
twenty feet he can tell what a man is
selling, and within fifty cents of his
weekly wages.
AT q tive-mnute conversation with an
agent, he will be prepared to tell you
where that agent was born, his name,
address, exact salary per week, views
on the tariff question, and in TACT almost
anything you desire TO know about HIM
He has got this down to an Incredibly
fine point, and often amuses his friends
by his sharp guesses at the article the
agent is going to show him. before the
latter has commenced his rigmarole.
For instance, If young man, in a soiled
suit and clean paper collar, comes in,
with soap smeared on his coat, and Il
yellow handle peeping from beneath his
coat, Brown will wink a. his friends
and then shout "No. young man, it s
no 60; YOU can't sell me patent extra,
silicon plate, reversible 'clothes-wringer
with japanned hinges, and jeweled
monkey-wrench, warranted to make the
clothes durable, sew stray buttons on,
and do the work of sixteen servant
girls"
After sally Ike that, it is, indeed, a
hardened agent who doesn't blush like
a girl, fall over two spittoons, and
hunt for outdoors at Maud S. speed.
The other day Colonel Percy was
amusing party of friends in this
fashion, and had successfully paralyzed
an agent for iron sinks, book-agent
and q lightning-rod highwayman, when
the door opened and a young man in a
white cravat and black suit entered,
carrying two books under his arms
Go onel Percy's eye almost fell out
from the magnitude of the wink he gave
his friends, us he remarked in an under
tone; Just get on to the style in
which | will pulverize that Bible
agent
The young man approached, and
when he got within ten feet of the G :
pectant group, the Colonel gathered
himself and his eloquence up in a heap,
and preclpitated himself on the unlucky
object of his ridicule in the following
iashion; mo, sir, don't want Bible
with $4,000 double, fleeced-lined, gilt
edge, single and double reversible
pages, bound IN pure Turkey morocco
and gold-plated hinges; with engravings
by the old masters, and nckle plated
ny'leaf-- dirt cheap at $l6--buy one for
your poor relations, etc, ETC., etc. You
may be the only able-bodied member
out OF family of thirty-seyen boys and
girls--vour parents nay be deaf and
dumb, blind and paralyzed--I suppose
they are, Bible agents of your appear.
ance usually do have parents with some
such complaint. This mag be so, but
still | am obliged to say no to your
trllling request, although | assure YOU
it cuts large slice OIL my heart strings
to be obi ged TO do so.n
The Colonel paused in expectation of
seeing the supposed Bible vender turn
every color in the rainbow, stammer a
few apologies, and sink OF as though
he had fallen into somebody's slop- bar
rel. But he didn't. He looked as though
he thought the Colonel was hopelessly
cray, and the rest of the crowd no bet
Yer, and as soon as be could recover
breath, replied, in an indignant tone
WHO do you think l amp l am not
~
"Oh! you are not Bible agent, ~
blurted out the Colonel, who didn't pro.
pose to see his reputation for human
nature suffer in this style, and to lose
the half dozen bottles of champagne
which he had bet his friends on the re-
suit, Il suppose not, | might have
known that you were introducing 10
roaster's patent self-consumng, auto.
matte encyclopedia in twenty-eight
volumes, bound in sheep, and illum n
ated in fifteen colors, with articles by
the leading lights of the galaxy OF
science, and a preface by Prof. Jumbo,
F. Il. S. N. G. p. o. 4. Price 1924,
with liberal discount to bald heads and
brokers'" The Colonel paused in
triumph, and smacked his lips as he
thought of the champagne. The visitor
seemed to grow wild as he stammered
~ didn't come here to be insulted,
am not a."
"Oh, you are not" broke in the Col
onel, Thoroughly aroused, "You are
not book agent, them perhaps you
will also deny that you have come to ask
lnc to su scribe to fund for the pur-
pose Of eivilizing the women of the FIJI
Islands"
Certainly, SIR" said the visitor,
with deep Indignation. II am"
mot even a solicitor" yelled the
Colonel. as his head swan, and he
clinched his hands for q dying effort.
"Then / wish to inform you that dom
want n,okle.platod. gold-jontet,. non,
combnstible lIghtning.rod, which is re-
yera!ble both Ways sad qas DO taken