davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
A Map,s Heart ON His Right Side.

DR.. Fl. IlloWay, of this city, reports a
peculiar freak of nature-if it is a
freak of nature-in a patient, whose
heart, instead Of beating on the left
side Of the body, beats on the right
side. This is something not unknown
to medical science, though it is of very
rare occurrence. DR.. 1lloWay was seen
by an Inquirer reporter, to whom he
said that he had never before seen a
man whose heart was situated as this
mans was. His name is Joseph
Horwitz. He is a native of Poland,
and a peddler, forty-five years
old. The doctor had examined
the man, endeavoring to ascertain
whether the strange position OF the
heart was due to disease OF whether
he was born that way. He hal not as
vet determined. The man said that
before coming to this country he was
confined for a month in a hospital in
Cracow, Poland, with typhoid fever;
that while there hi physicians hal OBJ
seryei the popularity in him, and
wanted him to go to Vienna for ex-
animation. He did not go, however,
coming to this country instead. He
had never experienced any inconven-
fence from the position ct his heart, it
performing its functions as naturally
as If in the proper place. He had
never been sick in any way that would
lead him to believe it was due to his
heart.
DR.. uloway said that the other or
gans of the man were apparently IN a
normal condition and proper place, and
his heart was apparently in perfect
order. There have been a few such
cases reported heretofore in me1ical
science, but they were in foreign
countries. In this case the beating Of
the heart is very distinct in exactly the
same position On right side as it IS
usually on the left side. SO that it must
be completely changed from what it is
in other persons.-Cineinnatt In
gstigeT. 4
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

people into takin' you fur a pusson OBJ
riches. What am your objick?'
IL doan' know, sab," stammered
the victim. N y
"Brudder Hopewell, let me tell you
sunthin'. When you flatter yerself
dat de people of dis kentry doan' know
de difference between de BRAY of de
mule an de roar of de lion, you am
dreffuly mistaken. You have bin fol-
lerin' de lead of sartin white people.
| knows heaps of 'em who goes hun
CRY an dodge creditors fur de sake of
blindin' peoples eyes. A woman
whose husban' Arms so a week has
no bizness wild silks and diamonds. a
tifteen-dollar hat or a seven
dollar par of shoes, but she
am de pusson who'll have m fur fear
dat somebody will think she isn't rich.
Half de kentry am in debt fur cloze
which only de odder half kin afford.
DE woman who wars de best cloze on
de street has de moas' holes in her par
lor carpet at home. De man who
swells de biggest owes de moas' to his
tailor an shoemaker. You am a poo
man. You'll nebber have a hundred
dollars in bank as long as you live.
You'll nebber arm mo- dan huff to run
a small cabin in a small way, an yet
you am swellin' aroun' as if a twenty
thousand-dollar mortgage wouldn't
bother you half an hour. What's your
objick:"
"i-I-doan' know. sah."
"Boyl take off daS swaller-tailed
coat! Jump outer dem tight pants
Drap dat silk necktie! Den you go to
work an fin cheap boardin'-house an
begin to pay your debts. Let your
cloze match your salary. Let your
board match your cloze. Be what you
ana common sort O. pussen whose
assets will kiyer his liabilities by hard
pullin'. You can't deceive anybody,
an de less you try to, de better people
will like YOU"
Brother Hopewell retired to his
corner all broken up, and his first move
was to offer to trade a handkerchief
with a red border to Shindig Watkins
for a white-handled knife with all the
blades broken.-Lime-Kiln Club.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
HUMOROUS SKETCHES.
Conscfeuce,s yyhisper.

1t was an Indiana man, who, when
a terrible storm began one night.
rushed into the house of a neighbor
and cried out:
ZONES, this is the ending up of
earth !"
Il am afraid So" was the reply,
land what shall we do?"
make u peace with heaven"
The wind blew still stronger. the
house began to shake, and the excited
man exclaimed:
ZONES, you lost five bushels of
wheat last fall? 2"
EYES,"
"And you have your suspicions?"
81 have. The man who took nv
wheat had better own up"
: "Can you forgive him?"
81 can"
well"
Here the wind suddenly dropped,
and, after a look through the window,
the conscience-stricken man turned
and finished, Eyes, if ever I meet
him, I'll advise him to call around"
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
tents aud 6 Pants.''

low popular writer relates an
szAAgaaa IN bis life which is worth re-
'%Aanerlng On one occasion, when /
ssasI 20 ascertain the fate of a manu-
ssps ! had left to be read by the editor
y gFeat daily, the latter said: Il
aassse fhe word gent here ; have you
spssee y correctly2" Haven't j
sgssea CENT?" Iasked, in some as
sMaasnnaeht. II believe SO ; but won't
sa 1aFe the goodness to look it up in
IN eselionaryg' turned confidently
NeaHtef's Unabridged, and presently
NE rather red in the face at not
- aple TO find the word in that be-
,ss'sAag storehouse. there
~ sieh word in the English Ian
slyly suggested the editor
= asateh case we had better strike it
@ tAe article This little lesson
ass a| IN aeep an impression on me.
" . @s8Aslea into my heart such q
Eek the word gent" that / be-
were naked and starving I
elslse To be clothed gratis at a
furnishing store, or to accept
AAeAaary dinner iii a gents
Mf: Richard Grant White
kenaFks that gents and
Aelang together, for the
SsNays wear the latter. Tic
$ssAH " fG be- tolerated Nv careful
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
Model Mothers

A Mobile mother-in-law presented
her daughters husband with a house
and lot.
Massachusetts mother-in-laW made
a will in favor of her sons wife and
died within two weeks afterWard.
A Manhattan mother-in-law gives
her son-in-law all the money he wants
to spend, simply because he is such a
good hu sband.
IA Manassas mother-in-laW never
gets angry at her daughter-in-law, and
never tells her how to cook.
a Milwaukee mother-inlaW always
kieses her son.in-laW whenever she
visits him. She thinks he likes it.
A Minnesota mother-in-laW sends
her daughter-in-law a jug of freshmilk
and a basket of eggs every day. Since
she has done this her son has sold his
COW and killed his chiekens.-N 20
York Journal.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
How to Rid a Room of Flies.

Observations made by N. Rafford, a
member of the Society d Horticulture
at Limoges, show that a c%astor-oil
plant having been placed in a room
infested with flies, they disappeared as
by enchantment. Wishing to find the
cause he soon found under the castor
oil plant a number of dead flies, and a
large number of b dies had remained
cIinging to- the under surface of the
leaves. Tt would therefore appear
thatsthe leaves of the +~castor-oll plant
give out an essential oil, or some
toxic principle which possesses very
strong insecticide qualities. C%astor-oil
plants are in France very much used
as ornamental plants in rooms, as they
resist very well variations of atmo-
sphere and temperature. AS the CASTOR
oil plant is very much grown and cul-
tivated in all gardens, the Journal d.
Agriculture points out that it would
be wo tn while to try decorations of
the leaves to destroy the green flies
and other insects which in summer
are so destructive to plants and fruit
trees. Anyhow, NJ. Rafford's observa-
tons merit that trial should be made
of the propelt ties of the c~astor-oil
plant both for the destruction of flies
in dwellings and of other troublesome
insects.-BritiSh Medical Jougn1t.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
IF and IF.

"h you are suffering from poor health
'or languishing On a bed of sickness, take
'cheer, If you are simply aiiing. or If sou
feel weak and displrited, without clearly
knowing why. Hop Bitters will surely
'cure you."
"If you are q Minister, and have overtaxed yourself
care and work. or a man of tusines 8 or laborer weak
'ened BY the strain Ct your every day d, ties. or a man
of letters. toiling over your midnight work. Hop
'Bitters will surely strengthen you."
IF you are suffering from
'overeating or drinking. any
'indiscretion or dissipation, or
are lung and growing too
fast, as is often the CASE"
"Or if you are in the workshop. on the
firm, at the desk, anywhere, and feel
'that your system needs cleansing, ton.
ing or stimulating, without intoxicating:
'if you are old. blood thin and impure.
'pulse feeble. nerves unsteady. faculties
'wan1ny, Hop Bitters is what you need to
give you Few life. health and vigor."
If you are costive or dyspeptic, or suf.
fering from any other of the numerous
diseases of the stomach or bowels. it is
your own fault If you remain i'll.
If you ale vast ting away with any form
of Kidney disease, stop tempting death
this moment, and turn for a cure to Hop
Bitters.
If you are sick with that ter.
rible Sickness, Nervousness,
you will find a Balm in
Gi.ead" in Hop Bitters.
If you are a frequenter, or a resident, OF
Q miasmatic district, barricade your sys-
tenn against the scourge of all countries
malaria, epidemic, bilious and intelm't-
tent fevers-by the use of Hop Bitters.
If you have rough. pimply or sallow skin. bad breath,
Hop Bitters will give you fair skin. rich blood, the
sweetest breath and health. $500 will te paid for a
case they will not cure or help.
That poor, bedridden, Invalid wife, sister, moth or OF
daughter, can be made the picture of health by a few
bottles of Hop Bitters, costing but a trife.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
A Baggagc-Master's Praise.

Dir. H. BARNY, baggage-master on Eastern Railroad.
Boston, says:
'Ihave used Hunts Remedy, the great kidney and
liver medicine, in my family for months. 1t was recon-
mended by friends in Pc tsmouth who have been cured
of kidney troubles, and find it just as represented and
worth its weight in gold. My wife is using it for dys
pepsia, and has improved so rapidly that l cheerfully
indorse it as u family medicine Of real merit, and ]
would not be without it,"
Anril q. 1893. ----.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

DR.. R. V. PIERCE, Buffalo, N. VI have
a friend who suffered terribly. / purchased
a bottle of your "Favorite Prescription"
and as a result of it's use, she is perfectly
we'll. j. BAILEY. Burdett, N. Y.
DR.. Pierce's "Golden Medical Discovery
10 d pleasant Purgative Pellets" purify the
blood and cure constipation.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Mrs. Kunler, of Pendleton, Oregon,
in making the hired mans bed, jerked
the sheet and exploded a pistol lying
under the pillow, killing her four-year-
old daughter.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

d.. r. V. PIERCE, Buffalo, N. Y: Dear 81,
For many months I was a great sufferer.
Physicians could afford me no relief. In my
despair I commenced the use of your
'Favorite Prescription" It speedily Effected
ny entire and permanent cure. Yours
thankfully,
MRS. PAUL R, BAXTER, Iowa City, Ia.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

BuoKHANNoN, w. Va.-Drs. Newton @ biair
report that Browns Iron Bltters are giving
general satisfaction.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

TIT Contrast
As the sable is to ermine: as smut TO nour
as coal to alabaster; as SCOT to driven snoW
SO is Carboline. the perfection OF all Hal
REVIEWERS, to all other preparations.
He who has money has friends---withou
money no friends.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Love hath charms to sooth an aching
heart. Some one says it makes one.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

WoopBERRY, Md.-Rev. ". J. Johnson
saws: AT have used Browns Iron Bitters in
my family, and they have proven a splendid
health invioorator.o
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

If de Irish RELY wants ter poster de Eng
fish why don't dey sem 'em some Mexican
book agents2
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

No matter what your ailment is, Browns
IRON Bitters will surely benefit you.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

One vantage in bein' b~ig-footed is dat 70,
can git mo- leather at de shoe sto' dan mos
folks fer de same mount er money.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

As a reliable remedy for Indigestion ana
certain cure for dyspepsia, GAsTaNE Witnon!
doubt stands first. GAsTRINE ls IN nqulc
form. Sold by druggists.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Woman is naturally a timid, shrinking
creature, but it S in the Bathing suit that
reveals her shrinking the most.---Detroa Free
Press,
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
the Contrast.

De credit system IL make any business
boom for a while.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
A pocket Companion.

DR.. C. d. Barham, Southampton Co.,
Va. endorsed it. When a small thing
full of virtue and speedy cure, can in
sur against sudden death and violent
pains, it ought to be carried about the
person as a pocket companion. DIR.
Worthington's Cholera and Diarrhoea
Medicine is recommended by eminent
physicians, statesmen and ministers
as the best and surest cure for all kinds
Of stomach and bowel complaints
Price 25 and so cents.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

long de sea sho' folks go in de water VIII
deere close on an calls dat bathln'.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

When wimmen 'dulges in poker-plagin' de
men gifts beat.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Is,.. s.s sisan three fonrths of the pa.
s alnittd n Bellevue hospital,
HUI 9ta Are under The influence Of
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Happiness consists of two things, truth
and wisdom.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Ia three times the man he was before using
Wells Health Remover. 81. Druggists.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
That Husband of Mine

Idon't want to 'ploy no man dat lubs ter
7r;ve oven fer 90 fer 8 doctor when I git sick.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

The greatest friend of truth is time; her
greatest enemy 10 prejudice; and her con-
slant compsnion IL humility.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

LAD1Es'& children's boots & shoes cannot run
over if Lyons Patent Heel Stifners are used.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

It's the lnlng Know.
Mr. simpleton inscribes the follow
inr tribute to a lady friend:
Fac simple and simple fee,
and all the fees entail,
Ara no hing when compared TO thce,
Thou best OF fees-te-nale.
One Of the pages in an elegantly
baund album was spoiled with:
Accept my valued friend hip,
And roll it up in cotton;
And think it not illus ion
Because S } easily gotten.
Il sly ioaer makes the "laugh"
fhynie with autograph" thus:
ii yo1 pish tolush,
Gance at my autt or phi;
When on this page OF chance to look,
Think Of ne and close the book.
A Young Ialy, who hal eyide ntly
eained knowledge from experience.
Wrote:
Man,slo 70 is like Sco:cl snuff
You take a pinch and that's en- ,ugA.
Profit BIZ this sage adyi 9,
When you fall in l)Yc, think twice.
Il doggerel writer ind ties the fol-
loving:
Long may you live,
Happy may you b3
When you pet married
Come ard see me.
And this follows on another page in
the same album:
May you be happy
Each cay of your life;
Get a 9 cd husband
And make a good wife.
An old and ott-used rhyme for a
ladys album runs
4 sure as comes your wedding day,
4 broom to You All send;
Till sunshine. use TIE brushy Tart,
Til storm, the other end.
An unmarried lady might take the
floWing as informing her when she
should be sal:
NaTyour cheeks retain tteir dimplcs,
May yoar heart be Just as gay,
Until ONE manly voice sh Ill whisper:
hTearest, wilIyo name the day?"
III an album belonging to an ILL
Tempered person was written:
What s the Use of always fret ing
At the trials we shall find
Ever stregn along our pathwaJ?
Ira ell On and never mind.
II "fool" was foolish enough to
write:
The word is full of fools,
And he who WO1ld rome view
Must shut himself il a cav
And bre a his miro, too.
good sentiment, clothed in faulty
metre, is:
Thateyery kindly wish and thought
Eyfriends exr ressed within these pages,
BE tours and trials c mmon to us all
May cross your Iath BY 9 easy stages"
hungry young fellow writes
Remember me when far away,
And only lalf awake;
RemsInher me en- your wedding day,
md send slice of cake.
I'LL. Smith" writes:
Ind If no dearer / cen be
Rene hi OF SIN th when this you see.
Asi II anybody could forget Smith"
The lady to whom the following was
addressed was undoubtedly amused:
Wien fske ! in an a b1m TO write,
Ifeel quite inclined to refuse;
Eog that sEolld Iha etc indite
INT would a young lady amuse?
A9t vii, foFI have none of that,
Nor romance-my fancy is tame;
and comThments so md SO fiat,
Enforced to write merely my name.
one Of the best specimens in the col
lesilen ID the following:
" may write our manner in albums;
Afe may trace then in the sand;
Ma may ch;sel them in marble
With a hrm and skill full hand;
WV the pages ocn are suliied,
ool eaci nan g Will fade away.
kyesg imminent will crumbIe,
Aike all 0 r hty hopes, decay.
by dear friend, there is an album,
fuli of leaves of sunny white,
NiaeTe no name is ever tarnlshed,
ut forever p re and br ghts
g shat Book of Life, Gods Album,
a.aEyo1rnam be p nned with care;
DO may alf who Eere MAJ write
lave their names. forever there.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Trough on Corns."
Ask for Wells Rough on Corns. '15c. Quick
relief; complete cure. Corns, warts, bunions.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
A Terrible Dream,


Forgive me, my precious one" said
Cecil in low, murmurous tones as he
bent lovingly over CIytie and pressed
a cold, calm, historical society kiss on
a brow that was fair as the cyclamen
leaves in the woods around them, 81
will never be late again."
"And / will never leave you," said
the girl, "when the maddening ecstacy
Of our love has found fruition in mar
riage, / will be always by your side
until death"
"Holdl Do not speak of DEATH"
cried Cecil, drawing her still more
closely to him; q had such a terrible
dream last night. Such a dreadful,
eerie dream that / shudder ever now
when I think of it."
"What was it, sweetheart? asks
Clytie.
III dare not tell you." he answers,
his voice seeming almost like a moan,
80 greatly is he affected.
"But you must tell me-" she per-
sists. "Surely you can trust me, your
future bride, with any secret"
at will tell you, then, precious one"
be says, "but you must be brave
very brave"
Il WILL" she answers.
81 dreamed" he said, "that we
were married, but had become very,
very poor-too poor, in fact, to keep
even n servant-and that you, my
bonny little blossom, that had never
before known want or sorrow or suf-
fering, were obliged to do all your
own household work."
"But there is nothing SO terrible
about that" interrupted Clytie. Il
am young and strong"
"Wait," he says, in a CHASTITY
whisper. 81 dreamed that on the first
day Of our poverty you made some pie
apple pie-and told me nothing
about it" and Clytie sees his face
grow paIer as all the horror OF the
scene presses upon him.
"Well?" she says, interrogatively.
II ate a piece Of the pie" he con-
tinued, "and--can you not guessY'
"Ah" shrieks the girl, in an agony
Of grief "How long did you liver
"Fifteen minutes. Chicago TIT
bune.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

PUREsT \ BEST coD-LIvER on, from selected
Iyers, on the seashore, by Caswell. Hazard &
Co, NY. Absolutely pure and sweet. Patients
VINO have once taken it prefer it to all othera
Physicians declare it superior to all other OILS.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

oHAPPEp HANDS, face, pimples and rough
skin cured by using Juniper Tar Soar. made BY
CasweI, Hazard 8 Co., New York.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Catarrh of the Bladder.
Singing irritation, Inflammation, Kidney,
Urinary complaints, cas.cd nv Buchupaiba$1.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Goliath didn't live long enough to accuse
David of an ungenerous fling.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
TrRRTRLE suFFERINGS,

u
4 gas well in De Witt, Michigan, has a
peculiar gurgle just before storms.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

The lady's hand is the index to her heart.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
. TAI M O N .
GOLD and SILVER PAINT.

Bronze Paint. Artists Black.
For gliding Fancy Baskets, Frames, Lamps,
Chandeliers, and for all kinds Of ornamental work.
Equal to any Of the high priced kinds and only
1octs. a package at the druggists. or postpaid from
WELLS. RICHARDSON d CO.. Burlington Vt.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
Good Advice to Brother HopeweII.

Coed Advice to Brother HOpewelI.
Gam Purveyor Hopewell in de hall
dis evenin' 2" asked Brother Gardner
az the meeting was called to order.
Yes, sah," replied voice from the
back row of seats.
"Den please step dis way"
Brother HopeweH shuftied forward
with a mixed look of hope and doubt
on his face. He couldn't make out
whether he was to be rewarded for
pulling a stranger out OF the river the
other day or court-martialed for having
q wheelbarrow in his possession which
three different men claimed TO nave
been stolen from them.
"Brudder Hopewell." continued the
president, as q great silence fell upon
Che meeting, @de odder day ! met you
down street an / shouldn't have
knowed who you was if Pickles Smith
hadn't identified you. You had on a
suit OF toys dat mus have cost S4O.'
"Yes, sab.
"You had hair lie on yer ha'r, you
smelt Of perfumery, and you card a
cane"
.Yes, sah."
.When you walked you acted like q
man who owned half de town, an
when you stopped you struck a poseto
show off your figger. Brudder Hope
well. how much money does You arm
a week.
a.Rolrt, 30. sab"
An how much am you behind on
board?"
sah.o ~.
aBrudder Hopewell. you am N aeD ol
fnr board. fur cloze, fur butes, Iur
CIGARS, an you has borrowed money
which you can't pay. 7 has had my
! On You fur de pas three mon.Ils,
an / knows all about it. Now, den,
who am your"
"Purveyor HopeWen, sab.
a,Zactly-zactly. You am . single
man. twenty-five years old, a second.
class barber, not wort $50, an out OF
52.OOO.O00 people in dis kentry not
over 100 has cher heard of you. Now,
den. You dress up you swell around
YOU fling on scollops you tiny TO deceive
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08
B N u 81
KIDNEY zgs

M Ethan Lawrence. my townsman,'' says DR.:
Phillip G. Ballou, of Monkton, Vt, was bloated
from kidney disease. The skin of his legs shone like
glass Kidney Wort cured him. Apr. 20S2.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

Shingled front air is all the rage.
The Opelousas courier., 1883-09-08

IS. PAUL r, BAXTER, Iowa City, Ia.
The Arizona sentinel., 1883-06-23

Last Saturday a Yuma sub-chief died. The funeral was attended by large con-
 As these ceremonies usually last four days, winding up with a big bon-irc, e:c., the boss idiot of the SENTINEL corps, with compahe"o, took in the obsequies on Tuesday. If yOu want to know what is done st an Indian funeral go and see for yourself. Af,er riding four miles on lean horse, sans saddle, with the ther- mometer at III in the shade, We were too deeply impressed with the sOemnIty of the occasion to profane it by publicity.
The Arizona sentinel., 1883-06-23

Many of our friends will be pained to hear Of the death of Mir Sherwood Milk which occurred on Sunday last. at Col ton. While living here, although aflict- cd with consumption, MT. Milk steadily improved. A short time ago he went 10 Indio, where he continued to regain his health. Intending to visit San Diego he stopped for few days at Celton, where the Climate was too severe His father passed through Yuma from Chicago on Thursday morning.
The Arizona sentinel., 1883-06-23
The Champion Mower and ReareRs

Machines during the of   
 
  NO and <
 
  sold notwithstanding have been great improvements that time this as, c" farm implements HoIngwOrh decided maintained the lead the We undertakes The HO will quickly appreciated   driver
 
 
  C Europe.
The Arizona sentinel., 1883-06-23

The residents of Tucson are at last su- rrnely happy. The signal service sta ton at that point has been abandoned. Tor years past the papers in that town nave been accustomed to lift their in tant voices in horror at the wonderful heat of-YGma. Yet at the same time they were daily publishing the rs,arJ of a temperature just as extraordinary. Now that there is no one to hold copy' on them they will fairly howl at us. Happy Tucson!
The Arizona sentinel., 1883-06-23
Dr. Greens Oxygenated BItters,

Are cheap and simple remedy for Dys- pepsia and BilliousneSs Tn all their worst forms1 It is we'll known preparation, and has been known and endprs ed by physicians for many years, and has been used by thousands of sufferers in all parts of the worll as Standard and Reliable Remedy.