Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1883-05-31
PLEAsAN TRIES.

and yet he never forgets his first wrestle
with n carpet tack.
The New York Graphic has reliable
information that the Star route trials
will close in the year 1900. Glad 10
heac it.
A MAN has invented chair that can
be adjusted in 800 different positions.
1t is designed for a boy to sit in when
he goes TO church.
| A SHORT HAND reporter in New York
has invented a new trestle for the accom-
modation of Mr.. Evarts' suspension sen
tences.-Ata. Constitution.
A FRENCH doctor has been sent to Jail
for selling a tonic warranted to make o
man live 200 years. The French cities
have no boards of public works.
| The empress of Austria is learning to
set type in order that she may print her
own poems. She probably wants to beat
the waste basket --LoWcW Courier.
A SOCIETY journal unblusbingly says
that large feet are now fashionable.
That sheet has evidently been subsid-
lied by the women Of Ghicago.-Er.
IT is said that Thackeray never break
tasted until 8 O'Clock. although he arose
four hours earlier. He must have lost
his collar button with reckless regularity.
INFERNAL machines are now made SO
small that they can be carried in coat
tail pocket. When you see man acting
as if he wanted to be kicked you'd better
let the job ont.
ITs mighty unfortunate that women
can't throw things accurately. Ii they
could, a man might send his wife 10 hurl
rocks ut his nighbor's hens in the garden.
Boston Post
A JERSEY CITY journalist is about to
publish book entitled The Wages of
Sin" If anybody knows anything
about the wages of sin, it is a Jersey
City JOURNALIST Post.
A FENCE rail was blown right through
the body OF mule by the Mississippi
cyclone, so the story goes. Possibly
cyclone might get the best of mule,
but it is almost too much to expect
Hartford Post.
A New YORK man was SO enraptured
with lady at afancy ball that he offered
her $100 to unmask. She accepted the
money saying: "Now your wife can pay
the servant girls back wages" It was
his motherin-la
Is there in this country any law against
marrying deceased wite's sister p
Stranger. No none is needed. When
the average man marres second time
he usually prefers to change his mother
in-law.-Phiia. NeDs.
A TIME LATCH for garden gates is the
latest invention That may work in
some sections; but what is most needed
Is patent front stoop on hinges, that
can be let down as suddenly as table,
leaf N. Y. AdUcytistr.
A Transfer in Msine conquers balky
horses by taking them out Of the shafts
and making thom go round in circle.
This is the only method of producing
dizziness in Maino winch is prohibl-
tion state. e.-LowcH Citiz.n.
A KENTUCKY billy-goat ate n S37
revenue stamp off whisky barrel. Now,
only Kentucky goat could have
thought OF that. And even he would
not have lunchcd oil the outside il he
had not been goat Bur. Ha1uk.
A YOUNG man looking over a pretty
girls shoulder while sue was playing
cards, observed: What Il lovely hand.''
+" You may have it ii you want it, MUIR
INJURED she, and all that evening he was
wondering what her intention were.
A SOUTHERN paper says no northern
man can gain correct ideas of the south
by talking with bar-rooin loafers, No
indeed! The only way is to move down
| there and try to raise chickens or water
melons without Gattlng gun Phila.
No,os.
Two white tramps have been sent to
the chain-gang for throwing kisses at the
yonrg ladies Of II Georgia seminary.
The privileges Of the Americln citizen
seem to be getting very limited, indeed,
calmly observes a sarcastic southern
journal.
OMAHA wonders why she can produce
great actor or poet. and then turns
arouud aud tells OF Il citizen falling be-
meath wagon loaded with two tons Of
stone and having wheel pass over his
head without ackipg his sRull. Dict.
r. &C Press
Princess LOUISE is a COOL house
keeper, cook, contectioDer, l.undtess,
seamstress and dlessmaker. Beng Il
princess, iusical of tue daughter OF 4,
retired tsbmopger, she Is Lot ashamed
TO possess snch ccomplihhmeuis.
Philadelphia NeUs.
THE Albany Express gives local notice
That "a lamp post in hat city is in n
dangerous condition and liable TO fall"
The cold ter ard the unusually long
session of The Legislature must have
teen very hard on Albany lamp posts.
I-Rochcster E:rprcSs.
The New Orleans Presbyterian Syncd
has decided that marrying a. dtceased
wlfe,s sister Is not an lnrractiop of the
Divine law, but it is, nevertheless, M at
tempt to dodge the responsibility Of two
marriage. by having but Que mother in
law.-SArdcuse Herald.
The Kansas City Times saws it's PRAYER
for rain went 10 ptess iu t, ,e morning at
. o'clock. Before G o'clocs cooling and
refreshing showers bad descended. We
never supposcu that heaven was so near
Kansas City that a morning paper could
reach 1t in three hours. -R0che,ter
Post Express.
10 borrow phrase: Jack" Say,
old man, Will YOU let me take Your hat
and top-coat tonight? Mine are look
ing little the worse ior wear" Cbum-
Certainly, You can have them: but
don't 2on call that taking your partners
best and gong it alone ?'-Haryayd
Ldmpoon.
/ A MOTHERS fear: II don't feel un-
easy about the future prosperity of any
OF my chliufen, except Tom, said az.
Arkansaw lady, IN conversation with an
acquaintance. !" Poor Toms mind is
weak and l fear that, like bis father, he
Will be COM elle,l TO practice law
ArkdnsaW Tforoier.
SILENCE called for: Lawyer" What
did the prisoner do aext?" Witness
~ think" Lawyer" There, stop
there; you are not to tell Whist You
think" Witness That's lucky Tor
you; you might hear something you
wouldn't consider fattering." Crier--5
silence in the courl! "-Boston
Transcript.
TRACKS ot a human being nave been
, tennd IN Nevada showing the length OF
the foot to be ciehteen inni,el anIl 4l.a-