davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
Drugstore Droller1es,

The fun furnished to apothecaries by
their customers does not all come in
the shape Of bad spelling and p%ronounc-
ing. Innocent greennessi in secondhand
values and the rules of trade as well as
of natural propriety, makes nc little of
the sport that enlivens the quiet shop
days of the average pharmacist.
"You would be ~astonished at the fun
that crops out among the customers that
visit q drugstore" said a druggist the
other day in Milwaukee, after he had
got through trying to convince a young
man that it would be impossible to take
back a toothbrush, after it had been
used three or four days, and give him
another one a size smaller.
$50 you strike all classes ofcustomers,
eh?" said the newspaper man.
"Wel!, l should think So" said the
druggist. "a woman came in this
morning and handed me an old
back-number plaster. one that looked as
though it had been taken of an Egyptian
mummy, and wanted me to Civ her ar
other one She said the old one was nc
good. She said the old man had worn il
on his back for two weeks, and it never
| drew a blister. I tried to tell her that 8
| plaster was not intened to blister, bu,
simply to retain the back in its propel
place, and let the pain crawl out through
the holes. She said I was q worse FRAUD
than the plaster.
"But the worst case of economy I ever
saw was a woman who brought back foul
big blue-pills that she had left after hel
husbands illness, and wanted to trade
them for borax to wash with. I didn'
want to hurt her feelings, and ] gave hel
some borax and took the pills and threv
them out in the alley, because nobody
would like it if I sold them second hand
pills. Even then I came near getting
into trouble, as a couple of Polack boys
picked up the pills and ate them, and
their father was going to sue me for poi
| soning their children.-Peck,s Sun.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
What Made Consul Frisbie
Thankful.

In Rheims there is no poor-rate on
the rolls of the tax-gatherer, nor aim
houses for the benefit of the INDECENT
and destitute poor, and but very little
municipal or government aid is given
them; and I am told that the same reg
u%lation, or rather lack of regula-
ton, prevails throughout France, as
there is no law authorizing a different
course, and that when there is no work
for the poor to do they must live mostly
by private charity, or suffer through the
struggle at best they may, awaiting bet
ter times for relief, When l sslook on
this picture and on that" / feel thankful
that | am a citizen of that most highly
favored country where labor is well re-
Quilted, and where energy, industry, and
p e coupIed with an honors.
renumerative and happy reward.
United States Consul at Rheims.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
Where the Word Dude Came
From.

The just now popular word dude,
meaning an empty-headed anguid-man-
nered young swell who bangs his hair.
proves to be no foreign Importation,
but, like many another expressive term,
to be of good New England parentage.
The word pronounced in two syllables)
has been used III the little town of Sa-
lem, N: H., for twenty years past and,
it is claimed, was coined there. It is
common there to speak Of a dapper
young man as a ''dude of a fellow" Of a
small animal as 50 little dude" Of a
sweetheart as "my dude' and of an
aesthetic youth of the Wilde type as a
dude. But how the word attained so
sudden and widespread a ~notoriety QUIZ
zles Salem. It's revival at New York is
credited to a disguised Englishman,
who remarked, after visiting a rich club,
that the young men we're all "dudes."-
Springfield Republican.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
BY LINCOLN.
The Way Sergeant Cover Would
Treat Attacking Cavalry.

The Way Sergeant Cover Would
Treat Attacking Cavalry,
Philadelphia Press.
A sergeant of infantry, whom I shall
call Dick Cover, commanded his com.
pany in a great many battles in the West
In the early days of the war. His com
pany officers had all been killed, but
right loyalty did Dick handle his men
His discipline was perfect, his bravery
not only made him a hero among his
men, but excited the attention of all the
officers. At the first lull in the cam
Paignthe officers of this regiment, Of his
brigade and of his division united in re-
commanding him for a %lieutenancy in
the regular army. The commanding Of
ficerjoined in the recommendation. Mr..
Lincoln ordered the appointment.
Forthwith Sergeant Dick was ordered be-
fore an examining board in Washing
ton, Tor the regular army officers were
tenacious of what they thought their
superiority. Dick presented himself in
q solled and faded sergeants uniform,
bis face and hands bronzed and cracked
by the winds and suns of a hot cam
paign.
The curled darlings of Washington 40
ciety, the perfumed graduates Of West
Point, who had never seen a SQUADRON
set in the field, conducted the exam
ination to ascertain if Dick was fit to be-
come an officer in the regular armv.
Ihey asked him questions as to engin-
eering, mathematics, philosophy and
ordnance, of harbor warfare, of field
campaigns, and such stuff. Not a single
question could Dick answer. 'sWhat is
an echelon?" was.sked. ~ don't
know" answered Dick; 81 never saw
one" What is an abatis2" was the
nextquestion. Dick answered, You've
got me again: We haven't got 'em in
the west" "Well, what is a hollow
81 never heard of one" swell" final.
ly said a young snip in eve
glasses, "what would you do in
command Of a company if the
cavalry should charge on you?" They
had as last got down to Dicks compre-
hension, and he answered, with a reso-
Lutte fac n a flashing eye. "ld give
them hi, that's what I'd do, and I'd
make a hollow square in every mothers
son of them" A few more technical
questions were asked, but pool Dick was
not able to answer them, and the ex-
animation closed. The report was sent
to the Secretary of War, who submitted
it to MI. Lincoln, saying that evidently
Lick would not do for an officer. Mr..
Lincoln went through the report, and
found that Dick had not answered a sim
gle question, but he came to where Dick
said what he would do if attacked by
cavalry. and then he did what sensible
Abe Lincoln did in all such matters: he
threw the report on the table, and made
a little memorandum in pencil ordering
the Secretary of War to appoint Dick
Cover a Lieutenant in the regular army.
Dick achieved distinction afterward. and
was everywhere known in the army as a
man without fear, who never made a
mistake.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
MAID OF ATHENS.

Troy Times.
Maid of Athens, we must part,
! hear your father-I must start,
He's broken of his midnight rest;
Discretion on my part is best;
I'd better git.
Maid of Athens, ere I go,
Kiss me once, for luck, you know;
Your fathers foot is on the stair
Nonesbut t e brave.deserve the fair
The gas amt Lit.
Maid of Athens, just once more
Little ships must hug the shore;
Hark! the dog has broken his chain,
POUNDS! l am in hard luck again
Great Scott I'm bit.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
Wilkie Collins Manner of Work
ing.

IEEasH H'IFEE nHN-N&E
"How do you make the story?"
CLAWS you never read how / 4 did,"
"yes, often; that you started at the
rear end of your story and wrote to the
first"
"Now, don't you see how absurd that
must be? How could 1 write a story or
make a plot backwards 1t is simply
impossible. Now 1 take the theme up
on which l am going to hang the story
and I think 1t over well, study it care
fully and post myselfupon the facts that
apply to it.. In the case of the Woman
in White / had for my main idea moth
ing more when began than the one
point of the mistaken identity of the
woman. In Man and Wife it was the
Scotch marriage laws and the bad prac-
the social rejection ola %repentant wo-
man, and so on. Living established
MYSELF in the main idea from which I
never depart, / begin at the first
of my story-not at the first of
the main plot, but at the Introductory
lines. From the beginning | go forward
with the plot until I reach the main in
| cident. Then ! jump over that and
write on to the end. Now | have four
partS-the lntrOdu tito TO the story,
which i written and finished; the two
parts of the plots that are separated by
the pivotal point of the tale, and the
pivot or itself. l begin at the first part
of the plot and marry its incidents to-
gether, leaving myself ample room for
any new ideas / may get in the writing
and bring the fabric of my story to-
gether. Then [ start ut the beginning
again, and when | get through it this
time l have my novel complete. Now
you have the exact methoi IN which I
write my plots and fill in the stories,
and if you publish it you will be the frs
to get it exact"
How long does it take you to write a
noyel?"
"From the time / begin work, about
six months. ] IN not a rapid writer, by
any means. If l write three ofmy large
pages of manuscript, which makes about
nine pages of m of my books-say
fourteen hundred words in q dsy-I do
very we'll. But I can't always do that.
| am a very slow and painful writer, and
the manual labor tells upon me-"
"Do you eve dictate?"
"Not unless / can help it."-Corres-
' pondence Philadelphia Times.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
Gossip of

The Paris yoltaire gives details Of
Gambetta's relations with a lady who
was devotedly attached to him: His
conduct during the war had kindled her
admiration. For twelve years the secret
of their attachment was so well kept that
only his most intimate friends knew of
it. He had, 1t seems, obtained her re-
illness seized upon him which carried
him off. Had he not died, a M. La.
itte, the marriage would have taken
place. During their long acouaintance
this lady aifl NJ. Gambetta correspond
ed frequently, and the correspondence
comprises no fewer than thirty thousand
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11
A lsOyal r r.
Olive Logan's London Letter.

OIve I1OgdH 8 LOHuOH LeCter.
] spoke of the Prince Of Wales last 9
fancy. This is Miss Campbell, the niece
of the weil-known music publisher of
Bond street. She is indeed a beautiful
girl, and deserving OF a happier fate
than that ofbeing admiredb by the Prince.
l suppose these preferences shown to
young ladies by His Royal Highness are
felt to be-and by no more than tue OBJ
jects of them-a serious social mishap.
Good girls like Miss Chamberlain and
Miss Campbell are in no actual danger,
tor these are not the Jays of the Merry
Monarch. Virtue has rights which even
royalty is bound to respect; neverthe-
less there is an odium which will linger
when a woman is known to have been
admired by the Prince, and respectable
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11

(Dletters.. The Figaro says the name e
this lady is Leonce Leon, that she ia AZ
this time in her thirty-third year. and
lives in modest lodgings with her moth.
err near the Pantheon, their means Of
livelihood being the mothers pension
as a ~eolonel's widow. M. GamberSs
friends all agree that his letters show
how much he was Indebted to her sound
sense Of prhdenye.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-11

girls, but particularly their parents, feel
this very keenly. know of a younn
Scotch girl who recently came to London
on a visit to some relatives, and soon
after ner arrival she met the Prince Of
Wales at a ball, where he paid her a
great deaf of attention, and The next ay
sent her a magnificent bouquet, with his
compliments. Her relatives were so
alarmed at the affair that they SEM the
girl straight back by the first train to
Scotland, out of harms way.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-13

The Washington correspondent of the Baltl-
moro american says that poor Jack Cole, the
boatswain Of the illfated Jeanette, instead Of
growing better at st. Elizabeth Hospital for the
Insane, is growing worse and worse. At times
he is very violent,anI several OF the attendants
have recently had narrow escapes from seri-
GUS injury at his hands. On one occasion he
struck one OF the physicians with his fist and
blacked his eye. Only the other day, while
walking in the grounds with keeper, he SO.
creted small boulder about his person, and
subsequently struck one OF the physicians
fearful blow over the head with It. These fits
OF violence, however. are only occasional. He is
usually very tractable, and sometimes his
mind reverts to the past and he speaks in
half-conscious manner Of his experiences In
Siberia. When Lieutenant Danenhower and
Seaman Bartlett called on him few days ago
he recognized them both, but insisted that
Bartlett was not the one who was shipmate
with him In the Arctic, but was the Bartlett
who went round the Horn with him years ago.
When they went away he gave them check
for million Of dollars, and told them they
would have no trouble in getting It cashed, for
he owned all the banks hereabouts. This isone
OF the poor fellows most marked hallucina.
tions. He spends great deal Of time writing
checks on the edges OF newspapers and dis
tributing them among those with whom he
meats.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-13
THE Defense CLOSES
I'm the Sfar-ROute Cases and the
Prosecution Offers Evidence I'm Re-
hnffoV

butfa1.
The defense In the star.Route trial, after
THE CRITICS report closed yesterday, called
Mr.. VIM. II. Belts, who testified that he met
A. W. Moore here several times during the
trial. He was asked II Moore did not tell him
on Friday before he went on the stand that II
he wanted to hear music to come over to the
court, as the Government wanted to put him
on the stand, and he should not testify until
Boone was granted immunity.
Mr.. Merrick objected to the question, and
went on to state that Moore was not here. but
more than 5000 miles away and called home
on account OF sickness In his family; further
that the questions put to Moore. on crossex-
amination am were collateral, s ana tne party ASK
His Honor sustained the objection and ex.
ception was noted.
John W. Dorsey and s. W. Dorsey were con.
cerned they were through.
General Benklo said that so far as John r..
Miner and Fl. NJ. Vale were concerned the
case was through.
Judge Wilson said as to General Brady, they
."Does that cover them ailG" inquired Mr..
,'Not Rerdell," replied General Henkle.
"oh, he has pleaded guilty." said Mr.. Mer-
sand is resting In the bosom of the Govern.
ment," added MIR. Davidge.
The Government commenced Its rebuttal by
calling Mr.. Casey. He resided In New York
and was In the employ of the Western Union
Telegraph Company, and manager of the
oflces at the Fifth Avenue Hotel and West
Twenty.third street. Dispatches filed with
him were kept six months and then sent to
the main ofIlce. He had searched for tele
grams filed with him in June, but could not
nnd them.
Mr. Thomas Brown, another telegraph
operator from New YORK, gave similar testi-
mony as that of tho preceding witnoss.
Miss Day, employed as tolegrapher at the
Hoffman House, New York, ana Miss Glare,
employed at the st. James Hotel, New York,
corroborated the preceding witnesses.
ON being cross-examined by Colonel Inger-
soil 1t was developed that not one OF the four
had opened bundle or looked at single dis
patch, as 1t was customary to send dispatches
elk months old to the main office. They
looked in the closets and not finding a bundle
including the date wanted, concluded they had
been sent away, and accordingly testified
there were none on f1le in their respective
ofIlcee.
At the close OF their examination the Court
adjourned
The Evening critic., 1883-04-13
A Recognition Of the worthy.

Yesterday being the I'D birthday of Mr..
L. ID. Harmap, and also the birthday of his
wife, friends of theirs rendered them a sur
prise last evening by gathering at their
residence, No. 1102 Maryland avenue south
west, about $3.50 o'clock, and presenting
them with set of chinaware, consisting Of
13S pieces, and handsome rocking-chair.
The articles were placed in the dining-room
while the host and hostess were at church,
and their astonishment was great when
they found about 200 persons accompanying
them home from church, and greater when
the dining-room revealed its contents. The
presentation speech was made by Rev.
Richard Norris, pastor of the Ryland NJ.
L. Church, Of whose charge the
highly respected couple are prominent
members. Mr.. Harman made a humorous
reply, thanking them for their kindness
and commenting upon his youthful aspira-
tions. After this refreshments were served
by some of the young ladies of the church,
which favorably impressed the young men
present as to their Judgment and knowledge
Of such matters. The rest Of the evening
was spent in social intercourse and parlor
games. Their popular daughter, Ella, as
sisted her parents in making everything
agreeable
The Evening critic., 1883-04-13
PERTINENT PARAGRAPHS,

PANTS to order. Eiseman Bros, 9TH and E.
THE street-lamps will be lighted at 1O:45
p. N. and extinguished at $3.50 a. m.
THE case against Ezekial Cadc, for writ
ing policy, was recontinucd to-day for one
week.
DR.. LOUIS X. BEATTY has been appointed
physician for the poor for the Seventh Dis
trict, vice DIR. W. p. G. Hazen, resigned.
THE Commissioners have accepted an in
vitation to be present at the memorial SER
vices to be held at Arlington, Decoration
Day.
P. G. CAFFERY has been appointed an ad-
ditional private, for duty on Massachusetts,
avenue, between Eighth and Eleventh
streets northwest.
Col. GRAHAM DUREHART, of Baltimore,
Nd, Commander of the G. A. r., writes
that he has received very great benefit
from the use of st. Jacobs Oil, for rheuma-
tism.
The Commissioners have approved the
applications for liquor licenses of John p.
Newhouse, 2931 M street northwest; A. G.
Pennell, 1905 NJ street northwest, and have
disapproved that of John Crowley, 1924 M
street northwest.
ISAIAH B. BLAINE, a young Prince
Georges County farmer got into fight with
horse dealer named Patrick Dougherty
whom he charged with swindling him, and
both were arrested. Judge Smell fined the
men $5 each to-day and Blaine appealed.
In accordance with the recommendations
of Colonel Dye Acting Sergeant Boyle was
yesterday promoted to Sergeant, vice Ham
ilton, resigned; L. N. Burgess was made
Acting Sergeant. Edward Stahl and Ed
ward Elliott were appointed privates of
class one. Officer Alder, who has been on
hn cfn fnnn hnn tIxrI a lie
charged.
THE Commissioners now being in separ-
ate offices, a schedule of times for board
meetings was found necessary, and yester-
| day it was determined that meetings shall
| hereafter be held at 1:30 p. IN. ON Tuesdays,
| Thursdays and Saturdays, and that special
| meetings can be held at any time when
| each of the Commissioners has been duly
| notified.
| THE fight between George w. Smoot and
| Andrew V. Robey, in front of Willards
| Hotel, will be fully investigated in the Po.
| lice Court tomorrow. Smoot was yester-
day charged with assaulting Robey and the
case set for tomorrow, and to-day Robey
was charged with assauiting Smoot, and the
case went over until tomorrow. Both par
| ties have deposited collateral.
The Woman's National Labor League
met last night in their rooms in the Cor
coran Building with full attendance
Several stirring speeches were made, and a
number of letters were read from promi-
nent persons praising the league fo- its good
work. Mrs. Smith, the president made an
| address, in which she expressed the belief
that two lady physicians for the poor would
| be appointed. She pointed out several re-
| forms which are needed, and gave some
pointers to the Police Department who are
in search of gambling dens, by saying that
one was in full blast in the Corcoran Build
ing every night. A large number of mem-
| bers were elected.
Eiseman Bros, popular clothiers and tailors.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-13
In Memory of SurgeOn.General
Barnes.

At special meeting of the Medical So.
ciety of the District of Columbia Drs. II. G.
Yarrow, d. R. Hagner, c. II. A. Klein
schmidt, ]. W. Bulkley and p. J. Murphy
were appointed committee to prepare
resolutions in respect to the memory Of the
late Surgeon General J. X. Barnes, and
they reported the following which were
unanimously adopted:
whereas the Medical Society OF the District
OF Columbia has learned with profound regret
the demise OF Its late honorary member,
Joseph X. Barnes, M. D., recently Surgeon
General, United States Army.
RtSoiced. In view Of his long connection
with the Medical Society Of tho District OF
Columbia and his eminent services In the
cause of medical science and literature to the
profession OF the whole civilized world In the
permanent establishment Of the Army Medi-
cal Museum and the library OF the Surgeon
Generals Offlce, that the society feels 1t duty
to express its unfeigned sorrow at the loss
which has befallen It,
Res0ired, That copy OF these resolutions be
forwarded TO his bereaved family.
ReSoeted, also, That a copy be furnished the
daily press for publication.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-13
The Last Proof is Best.


That sprightly newspaper, the Washington
CRITIC, calls this city the recent "south ward"
and present "cemeterial suburb" Of the Ma
tional Capital. Alexandria, to be sure, was
for short time part OF the District of 90.
lumbia, but she soon got tired of the partner.
ship and left It. That she is not "cemeterlal
suburb" is proved by the sight OF three large
sized vessels, one of sixteen hundred tons,
now in progress of construction at her ship
yards by the smoke from an extensive iron
mandatory Just going into opera
tion; by the car loads of beer
daily leaving the largest brewery south OF the
Potomac; by tho coal boats that crowd her
canal basin; by the vessels frequently seen IN
her docks engaged In both foreign and domes-
tic trade, and by the patent evidences OF life
In numerous other active industrial enter-
prises, to say nothing OF the go-ahead men
she furnishes Washington and of the sportivs
WashtDgtonians who make her their favorIte
resort. But II all these evidences Of Alexan.
drfa's life are not enough to establish the
fact that she is not a dead city, all doubt is
removed at once by glance at the Alexan-
dria Gazette. For cemetery Alexandria is
the liveliest place on the continent,
The Evening critic., 1883-04-13
TRACK JANNEY CoUpLERi
STEEL RAILS!

SCHEDULE TO TAKE EFFECT SUNDAY
NOVEMBER IL, 1852.
Leave Washington, from station corner of New
Jersey avenue and street.
For Chicago. Cincinnati, Louisville and 81. Louis
coaches and Palace Sleeping cars to above points,
wInont VIII cneDge; lO'15 a. m. daily to Chicago, ex-
For Pittsburg, Cleveland and Detroit at lois a.
M. ano $40 p M, daily; s;4op. M is solid train
Trains for Philadelphia and New York at $40 q.
m; DAILY, except Sunday p. m. and 9:40 p. m.
oay NY En pariop and Sleeping Cars attached
an 70 s,n g. M iSlo 22o, 2s5, $780, $780, 44o 5i5 4
Sog BaItimSre a,H On Sundays $780, 7i' a. LIS
For Annapolis $50 a. M, 1910 and 4:io on Sun
oay, "a: m, 4:iO p. M
Il;So p; m. For stations on Metropolitan Branch,
si0 S;do A. M, sos p m: daily, except sunday, 445
Sunday; for Hagerstown and Frederick, $40 q.
NJ, 1O:l5 4f5 daily except Sunday
90 Trains arrive from the West daily, 6:2o 1895
From New York and Philadelphia, 855, s15a.
m; daily, $40 p m. daily, except Sunday.
From annapolis $50 a. M, 1:5O, 6:37 p. M; Sun
From Staunton, 2:i5 p. m. daily, except Sunday.
From Frederick. Hagerstown and intermediate
q. M, 2;l5, 4.2o p. M and 1920 p. m. daily except
Trains Leave baltimore fop Washington at 300,
2t0, 100, 800, 6:25 1870, s:l5, and I1.sO p. M On
sundays 200 44o. 7:lo, 9Oo $40 a. MI 1880, 500 625,
All trains rom Washington and Baltimore stop
at Relay Station.
For fiEthsr inisrmation apply at the Baltimore
1851 Pennsylvania avenue corner Of Fourteenth
street, where orders will be taken for baggage TO
be checked and received at any point in the city.
WIN. CLEMENTS, NJ. Of T.. Baltimore. and @. K.
lord. c. p, A.