Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-04-25
Mark Twain's Exercise.

Mark Twain's Exercise.
Mark Twain went to Elmira last
summer to find quiet place to write.
He became somewhat out of health
and one day recently he was inter
rupted by the family physician, who
called to make friendly visit. Into
his sympathetic ear was poured the
tale of the humorist's woes, and after
a moments consultation he remarked :
elements, what you need is exercised"
With look of gentle reproach which
soon change to anxious innocence, the
hero of many an experience of rough
ing it Gin pictures), and tramps at
home and abroad Con paper, made
reply: "Well, that's all right, but
who's going to do it for met You
see," he continued, "the men on the
place are all busy, and the children
amt big enough to accomplish any
thing and" "You must do it
yourselfw was the professional stop
put to his demur. "Do it myself ?
How in thunder do you expect-why,
what can / do? There amt good
poker player on this hill, and the
hammock broke down yesterday, SO l
cant use that" "No, no." inter-
rupted the doctor, "you must have
active, excrtive exercise; something
that looks like work, you know! You
can walk down town or swing dumb
bells, or chop wood, Or" "Hold
on, you've struck it" exclaimed Mark.
'Ill chop woodp BEST thing you
can do" said the doctor, as he took
his leave. at brings into play so
many varied muscles, expands the
chest, deepens the inspiration and
superinduces a more bountiful oXy-
genation by the beautiful process of
endosmosis and exposmosis, and hence
the red corpuscles "Here have
a cigar" said Twain, pushing the box
before him, "and let up OH Moses"
""You mustn't smoke, you know" the
doctor said, as he picked out weed.
"Oh no, I've stopped smoking" said
Twain, as he carefully placed sheet
of copy paper over the three old
stumps and a brier pipe; 81 found
that it disagreed with my family long
ago" The doctor departed, and
Clements, with the glow of renewed
health already shining in anticipation
on his brow, took one Of the farm
hands from the harvest field and sent
him to town after new AK. He re-
turned with the tool, bright-bladed,
sharp-edged. Finally, thinking he
had the hang of the thing, Clements
had the man hitch up and drive up
the road about a mile to a piece of
woods. The members of the family
went with him to look for flowers and
berries while he chopped. Arriving
at the desired spot, he carefully took
out the AK, unwrapped the old coat,
and laid the tool down beside the
stump of a dead pine. The family
wandered away, picked one or two
flowers, and then fastened back, as
they heard him shouting their names.
i've done enough for to-day" he said,
as they came near. They saw four
blisters on his hands and a piece of
new leather shining on one of his
boots, but no wood lying around.
However, they said nothing, and went
home the hired man carrying the AK.
That evening, sitting on the piazza,
applying arnica to his hands, he said !:
Its hard work, but I'm going to
keep it up! It's splendid exercise,
and just see how it has built up other
great men. Why, you know, Greeley
prolonged his life many years by chop
ping at Chappaqua, and Gladstone is
alive yet and making things hot in
Egypt only by reason of the benef-
cial results of an hours chopping every
day. You wait month and see me
I'll be able to fight Tug Wilson and
row Courtney and out-talk Beccher."
All this was several days since
Clements noticed his new AK lying
where he had left it on his return from
his initial trip, its brightness changed
to reproachful rust. Conscience smote
him. He would resume exercise. lie
would attack anew the monarchs of
the forest. He would acquire mus
Gle. So he boldly marched for the
same piece of woods and began oper-
ations on the old pine. But few
minutes had elapsed before six-shoot-
er appeared befored him, and the fol-
lowing colloauy ensued "Now, you
skin right out o here, young man
These is my woods, and you'll learn
to let folkses property alone after I'm
through with ye? Git, now" Search
ing on his forehead for an imaginary
bead of sweat, Twain glanced dubi-
ously at the enlarged bucolic, and
said: "Well, wh-what-seems-to
be-the matter with you p Matter,
I'll show ye! Tryin' to steal my wood!"
"But, my good man, l don't want
your wood p "Then what arc you
cutting it for ~ "Why, for exercise,
that's all. The doctor said" "Oh,
that's too thin Exercise You look
like man that would do anything
for exercise. Now with renewed en-
ergy), you get right out O here
Right out" and the farmer made
threatening advances. "But-but
look here, my good man, you don't
know who ! am. You are talking to
a." yes, l do know. You're
that Clements. I've heard about your
being here about four weeks ago, and
I've had my eye on you ever since |!
Now (picking up pine root, you
git" Clements took up the ak, cast a
whitening look on the bucolic, and
sadly climed out of the wood, over
the fence, and out of danger, the voice
of the enraged landowner sounding in
his ear for some distance down the
road.-Elmira Advertiser.