San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-05-31
THE sPOOPENDYKES.
,..,,rk in the Printing Business with Dis.
fhU hm" ssirous Results.

rect TO DO I'LL ny o" Po ASAS
psfter," he said. 80
n snb. isn't that lovelyl" futtered
u,s Spoopendyke, dropping the stork
ND rushing to her husbands side,
auud can't we do the loveliest things
.;tb i. Is it the kind that the Her.
Wand S.m and all those papers are
aOh, yes, Mrs. Spoopendyke,"
c,owled her husband, you've hit it
sractly. This is the very kind. 1
oot Mr.. Bennett to kindly try it on, so
as to get the same size as the Herald
is printed on"
hAnd will you print papers with
rours like Mr.. Bennett and the other
ssditors?" continued Mrs. Spoopendyke,
dmidly.
"Oh, but won't I, thought" yelled
ber husband. 1T needed dod gasted
female idiot to think of that; you've
struck the proper plan.
"Think you can print 5Ox60 show
hill with 3x4 press? Well, I tell We
that ye can't. Can We get into your
measly head that this is a card press,
and can only print card three inches
BY four inches"
'"Oh, it's card press, is it?" ven
tured Mrs. Spoopendyke;" then we can
print those beautiful Christmas cards
on it, can't we?"
"Now you've gotit, yelled her hus-
band; that's the idea. 1t prints in
thirty-fve different colors at one i'm
preston, and any design, from the
picture of an old crank with seal
skin overcoat, loafng round some
body's chimney with game-bag full
of jumping jacks, to the New Year,
1888, represented by hump backed
baby dressed in a broad grin, with
napkin tied round it's waist, driving
out the old year, dressed as an old
tramp, with a moving machine and
gallon jug of whisky under his arm.
That's the idea exactly. Think you
can print chromos and Autographs on
it, don't you? Well. you can't. You
can only PRINT one color, and that is
black. Think you grasp it now?"
WELL" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, Il
suppose you can print visiting cards
on it?"
"Yes, Mrs. Spoopendyke, 1 can,"
said her husband, in a softer tone, and
he grew in much betterhumor as he
proceeded to show his wife the press
and exhibit his dexterity in the use of
the type and press.
At last he got his worthy helpmeet's
name set up in type, and proceeded to
put the chase on the press with a
grand flourish. But in an evil hour
he had forgotten to key it up, and at
touch the whole business went to pi,
and at the next fell in confused mass
all over the carpet.
why, what makes it do that?"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, laughing.
What makes it do what, Mrs. So"
sneered her husband, as he hit his
head on corner of a table, in a mad
dive after the type. What dye
s'pose makes it do it? What makes
anything do anything? If I had your
talent for asking idiotic questions I'd
get "a glass of beer and three-inch
paper collar, and live out as prose-
cutting attorney"
By this time the worthy gentleman
had got the name set up and securely
fastened, and was printing with great
gusto; but he had, unfortunately, set
the types in wrong order, and the first
eight perfumed visiting cards came
out like the following:
.ekydnepoopS .srM
When Mrs. Spoopendyke saw it she
set up little scream, "Oh, isn't that
funny though? What makes it wrong
side up?"
Funny" howled her husband,
with horrid derision, as he grasped
the situation. Its perfect thunder
bolt of fun. It's the most delicious
numerous thing of the century. All
you need is an advertisement of liver
pills on the cover, and joke about a
goat on the first page, to be a comic
almanac. With your appreciation OF
humor, all you need is broad grim
and $4,000 worth of stolen diamonds,
to be the leading comedienne of the
American boards. Can't you see the
measly types turned wrong? They
have only got to be turned round the
other way"
After half an hour of diligent labor
the types were again in position, Sc
curely keyed up, and put on the
press.