Milford chronicle., 1883-11-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

nc WHO ID us lIuSlLu4 VI IL uCet4ONS u
Has it ever occurred to base ball men
that milk pitcher is generally a good
fly catcher?
A MORMON is now as bold as a grizzly,
and Uncle Sam loves one quite as well
as the other.
a FAILURE establishes only this, that
our determination to succeed was not
strong enough.
WHAT is a communist ? One who
has yearnings for equal division of un-
equal earnings.
Do ALL the good you can, to all the
people you can, as long as ever you can,
in every place you can.
IF THERE is any person to whom you
feel a dislike, that is the person Of whom
you ought never to speak.
EVERY man has three characters-that
which he exhibits, that which he has and
that which he thinks he has.
KEEP good company or none. Never
be idle If your hands cannot be use
fully employed, cultivate your mind.
GooD character is above all things
else Your character cannot be essen
TALLY injured except by your own acts.
ALWAYS speak the trnth. Make few
promises. Live up to your engagements.
Keep your own secrets if you have any.
WHEN you speak to person, look him
in the face. Good company and good
conversation are the very sinews OF
virtue.
THERE is nothing lower than hypoc-
risy. To profess friendship and
act enmity is a sure proof of total de-
pravity.
"YEs, )" he said of the actress, "she is
very unpopular in the company; she has
made a great hit and gets all the ap-
plause. "-Bo8ton Post
THE young man from New York who
affected the awfully English style, got
rather discouraged after being six times
for the valet an English lord
in that town.
A DISAPPOINTED young man in the
Rochester Post wants to know whether
a young fellow whose girl does not an
3wer his letters is justified in believing
hat she does not care two cents far him.
"WHEN married Georgina, p said
Frank, ''my folks told me I was foolish
% wed a girl who didn't know how to
lse a rolling-pin. Lord, how they mis-
judged her Do you see that lump on
ny head ?"-BoSton Post.
APPLICANT for life insurance: ''Does
our company permit one to cross the
cean?" Agent: ooh, yes; you can
ross the ocean or go up in a balloon if
on want to; but you will not be allowed
D practice on a flute near an open
-indow."
A KNIGHT TEMPLAR in a San Fran
sco parlor described the beautiesof the
lstern coast. A San Francisco man
niled contemptuously and said:-
I've been east and don't think much of
:" "Where were you?" "Why, east,
Omaha. The east ant as big as
risco."
HERBERT SPENCER says Americans are
driven by business that they never
op to leisurely examine anything.
uess he never saw 500 OF 600 busy
standing around for two hours
ltching three men raising an Office safe
a fourth-story window.
A Texas debating society debated the
Iestion: "When watermelon vine
ms on to another mans land. who
ms the melons ?" The referee decided
at the colored man who lived about
lie and half from the two farms owned
e melons. Pecb'S SIN.
'JoHN BRIGHT finishes off his break.
it with half a jug of milk and lump
sugar, which he puts into his mouth
newhat surreptitiously." This habit
putting sugar in ones mouth su1rep-
iously is never outgrown. 1t is the
e lingering trait of childhood which is
,ried to the grave.
The leader Of a Philadelphia theatre
,hestra toward the close OF last season
S told that he must cut down expenses.
cut off the man with the big drum.
o was not getting the BIGGEST salary
the lot. "Why did you discharge
It poor fellow" he was asked, sin
ad of some of the others ?" 'WeH,
| see, was the reply. she was getting
little, thought he would not feel the
of II rnnnh y phiLnoznL,,Lio d.