The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-09-04
WIT AND HUM0R.

he could "also keep the wolf from the
door - Boston Courier
She sang II want to be an angel
and he swore that she was one already
To this she blushingly demurred, Then
he married her. Demurrer sustained.
Emile" asks the teacher, (which
animal attaches himself most to man?'
Emile, after some reflection: "Tha
leeCh, sir!
There is Phipps, of Pennsylvania, An.
gell, of Illinois, and Chase, of Massa
chusetts, all wanting to get out of jail
in time for the winter lecture season.
A letter addressed to widow Smith
Richford, VT, threw the postmaster in
to panic, there being eleven widows
of that name in Rchford.
Nat Goodwin, the actor, replied, on
being asked what was the first thing that
struck him on his recent trip to Europe;
The fellow who wanted to be tipped;
ne struck me everywhere
Can you change $50 gold piece?'
he asked as he gently placed the empty
glass on the counter. yes, said the
bartender, well, III 60 out and see if
can find one
Here is another point in favor of the
Darwinian theory: There is boy in
Norrislown who "sprang from mon
key The monkey belonged to an or
gan-grinder, and attempted to bite the
boy. NorrtStoWn Herald.
Yes, said the milliner, 1.-THE suicide
of Mrs Drestokil is terrible affair,
Why, she did it the very day sent her
new bonnet, and people may think
the bonnet had something to do with it,
and it will ruin me. -
"Howdydo?" said one citizen to an
other this morning. a feel like biz
sunhower," was the reply. You do
look little bilious, for a fact" re-
marked the other, as he lodged the
cObblestones.
A Western paper says; "SamWeldon
was shot last night in the rotunda by
Henry Parsons" About the worst
place man can be shot, next to the
heart, is in the rotunda. 1t invariably
proves fatal.
Yes, said the Vermont deacon. 81
always 90 down to camp-meeting, and
always come back feeling good. Doyou
see thai magnificent horse there in the
feld2 Well, you ought to have seen the
old plug ! took down there. y
Ice-cream is now made from kaoln,
a white clay used in porcelain manu-
facture, Notwithstanding this startling
fact the appetitcs OF young women at
the fashionable summer resorts remain
unchanged
A colored girl at Atlanta, Ga, was
knocked over by an engine, and in \
few minutes cot up as if nothing unu-
saal mad happened, and looking after
the engine said: You Sc got a heap of
politeuess 10 serve a lady dat way
A Texas Judge brought back the
memory to "a witness whose only an
swcr to questions was II forget A
threatened sentence to pay fine and
90 to prison for contempt, was the
agency employed
The Toledo Biade student of charac-
ter has made the discovery that when Il
husband and wife are together waiting
for or riding in street car, it is invari-
ably the wife who gives the signal for
the car tostop. Perhaps the poor man S
check could not be honored.
Always associate with people intellec-
tualy your SuperiorS, my son; they
will, out of courtesy, give you the credit
of knowing rs much us themselves and
not question you closely; but ignorant
folks are forever asking more things
than You can begin to answer.
The badge of his professions: mo,
sah,' eNctedly exclaimed Southern
darky dominic, "dat whtewaSh on de
sleebs ob my coat ncbber come from de
rOOst ob chicEcn-house, Dem marks,
sab, am de badge Oh my profession,
sahl'
1t is said by physician of experience
that the safest place during cholera
epidemic is the pney woods. This
statement will start boom for spruce
and pine gum, which will be chewed
by persons who cannot emigrate to the
| plnorleS.
There was once man who boosted
that General Grant had talked with
him. In a subsequent interval of candor
he explained that the General had said
"What are you sncaking around my
tent forP Do you want to steal some
thingP"
"When Dame Fortune wants a man
she calls for him. says the Whitehall
Times. And very often finds him not
at home. Nine times out of ten he is
down at the grocery store sitting on a
p-boX, and telling what cyclone his
grandfather was to cradle wheat.
The groom of lroquois, the iirs'
American Derby winner says he
thinks as much of the horse as of his
wife" If all the owners of fast horses
thought as much of their wives as they
do of their horses, these women would
be much happier and be the envy of
their sex.
When man is cscortng his wife to
the depot where she will bid him good.
by for u month or so in the country, he
should be careful not to sing 'tum-te-
dun tiddy" above his breath, or she
may conclude to remain home. This
is given to you straight under the
shoulder.