Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1883-08-23
Opps ANp ENDS.

There is n man out west whose memory
is so short it only reaches to his knees, con-
'equently he never pays for his boots.
When the hen with chickens attacked the
small boy in his mothers yard the hen in
formed him she hadtbeenSIaying for him
for some time.
Light through darkness: His Honor
Are you guilty or not guilty ?" Prisoner
"spects Use guilty, sab ;.but "a like to be
tried all de same"
Excursion si.eet car tickets, which are
good for two bccls' are feature OF Mon
,ana. Ihey axe probbaly issued by the
brewery which is at one end ofthe line.
The demand for napkin rings made Of
wood grown at Walter Scott home, Alb
botssord, is sproyinE ..a''grost drain upon the
forests Of Maine.
What is this man charged with.'
asked the magistrate. "With whisloy,
your Worship" replied ths sentcniious po-
lie eman
We often ormca the wish and after
wards made z picture Of it--that we could
be present at all the roconciliations in the
world. because no love IS so beautiful or
moves us so deeply as re;urniag love.
Epitaph O.; an Arizona man who loved
his neighbors. horses wisely, but too well,
and who was also bad in other ways: o He
was pretty mean in.some respects but then
he Was meaner IN others."
4 young lady was.caressingaprctiy span,
iel and murmuring'; 1 do love nice
dogw Abr sighed dandy, standing
near, al wouldlI were a dog" " Neses
mind" retorted the young lady sharply
you1l grow"
"Pnshencc IL q good thing for man 70
hay," sayc Josh Billings, but when he hsz
got so much nv 10 that he kan fish all day
over the side Of boat without eny bait on
his hook, lazyness ia whet'a the matter with
him."
A fashion papors says Nothing bar
coral necAlacei csn be- seen upon society
belles this season." T. there not soma nc
take about this? why, such scauty COS
tune voald-Oh. hoayensi There mus. br
an error in d. port
Showing or: Two women were recaaiiy
seen pricing bingham Ia shop. oae re
marked 60 ga other on tlie label O. tie
goods. "see tic American eagle and tLe
motto = p,uribus unum that's the French
for ia time ofpolce prepare Cor war."
Politics Politics" cxclaimci an 81
lady on Spring street, o dag or two since.
II hear Of nothing bot politics. SO q
camp-mcoiing lastsummer, got filled with
sca-tick- but politics is bug never saw,
and with which / wish no contact"
A few days since q fellow vas tried for
stealing wood saw The culprit said be
only took It in a joke. The justice asked
how far he had carried II, and was answer
ed, About two miles" THAT Is carrying
the joke too far" said the magistrate, end
committed the prisoner.
A grocnhorn alaaiifg by a sewing ma
chine at which q young lady was "a; work,
looking alternately at The machine and is
fair operator, al length gave to his ad-
mi-ation 8ith-'13y golly is party spec
ialIy ,he paF. covered pith cal.ikcr'
Rudpph says, tha. once upon o time o
coiorsd cool, expected company Of her o8h
kind, and vas az loss 70 entertain hor
friends. Her mistress said Chloe, you
must make an apology" Good lor mis-
su4. how can make &C.? ! rot no eggs, no
butter, nor no nothing 70 make il WITH
A sufficient reason Dumley," said
friend, admiringly, " believe you are a man
60 die with youF boots on" Yes" replied
Durlcy, ;raighiening himself and trying
hard no. 10 appear 700 dare-deyilish, 1ani
Why do you think 20" Because you 60
rarely take them of when you 20 T. bed"
On see the girl j. the girl pretty? Oh
yea, indeed, the girl IS pretty. She is yery
pretty. and she knows il, too. DO all preitv
girls know that they are protyl Oh, 90
they DO not. They never know ituniil tbey
arctol1 50 that is why great many homeiy
girls think they are pretty.
An honest farmer, Who had seen Rich
ard IIID performed one night, aaited upon
the manager next morning to cay that II the
gentleman who wanted o horse On the pre-
yious evening was Of the aamo mind, he had
several animals in bis meadow and would
Be happy 70 dcal with him.
4 seaside note; "Ah going to takc
yacation at the beach g' said one msn %
another as the two met on boat going
down the harbor. No; I'm merely going
down to have ny name registered At one Of
the beach hotels, 50 the. IT. msy be publish
Cd in the guesr' lists. There is nothing
like putting on style, you know"
Up in Chsutauqua county one day lass
week politician was watching severe
storm from bis door steps vher q farmer
acquaintance turned in hastily from the
road and droye under o shed What the
matter. Bob p asked the politician. "Well '
said the farmer, + belisv. thar's ono ~
them slycoons coming"