The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1883-05-24
MISCELLANEOUS.

because they get Digger by huis
ing.
Never does a man believe so
strongly in the attraction of grayl-
tation as when he sits down in a
chair and finds it gone.
To be a good swimmer the mouth
should always be kept shut. Wo-
men are seldom good swimmers.
A blind mendicant in Paris wears
this inscription around his neck
''Don't be ashamed to give only a
sou. l can't see."
Pat to traveler-"An' it is the
next train for Dublin you want?
Faith that went an hour ago, sorr."
Self made man examining
school, of which he is a manager)
Now, boy, what's the capital of
'Olland?' Boy-"An H. sir"
An aesthetic correspondent says
that Josh Billings has q vulgar
walk. Yes, kind of Billings gait.
The French speak in the nose,
the Germans in the throat, and the
English through the teeth" Amer
leans through a telephone.
BE iabers," exclaimed an Irish
man, 1--we slept sixteen hours! l
went to bed at eight and got up at
eight"
"What blessing it is" said
Woodworking Irishman, that night
nirer comes on till late in the day,
when q man is tired, and can't work
at all, at all"
Couldn't you lend me five shil-
lings?" Eyes, l could, but l
won t. "Then do you think 1
wouldn't pay it back?' Eyes, you
would; but you couldn't
A man, lately married, was asked
at the club about his bride. SIS
she pretty?" "No," he replied,
-'she is not; but she viii be when
her father dies!'
With exceptional truthfulness n
qGack doctor begins his advertise
ment-''I offer my valuable seryi-
ces to all who are so unfortunate as
to require them.
L wish to state" writes a provi-
| dent minister, ''that have procured
an alarm clock that will wake up
the congregation as soon as the
! service is ever
The London Lancet says that the
people who sneeze often are the
healthiest. A sneeze sets the
blood to circulating, and throws off
a cold which is trying to settle
| This medical opinion is evidently
made in the interest snuff, and the
public is not yet up to it.
When DR.. H and Judge
A. were walking arm-in-arm, a
wag said to . friend, "These two
are Just equal to one highwayman.
'.Why?' was the response. ''Be-
cause it is a lawyer and doctor
your money or your life
Jones declares that his wife is
the most thrifty woman he ever
knew. ''Why, sir" he recently ex-
claimed. ''she has made ten patch |
work quilts during the last two !
years-made them herself, sir, out |
of the samples she collected in her |
shopping tours during that time
A Louisville negro, after stealing
a gentleman's chickens one night,
took them back the next morning,
and sold them 10 him at his front
gate. you see" he said to his
wife, Il didn't want to deprive
a gen'rman of his chickens; dey
his'n, you know"
How many genders are there?
asked the schoolmaster. "Three,
sir" promptly replied little blue
eyes-s'm asculine, feminine, and
neuter." 'Give me an example of
EACH" said the master. ''Why, you
sre masculine, because you are a
man; and 1 am feminine, because 1
am a girl" Very we'll, proceed"
q don't know" said the little girl,
but 1 reckon Mr.. Jenkins is neuter
because he's an old bachelor"
"When did George Washington
die?H asked an Austin teacher of
lazy boy. rs he deadf" was the
reply. "Why, it is not
more than SIX months ago that
they were celebrating his birthday,
and now he is dead. It's a bad
year on children. 1 reckon his
folks let him eat something that
didn't agree with him. Texas
Siftings.
'Kase. "Massa wants to know
if you can settle up today, kase he +:
wants de money bad, said a dar- (
key to a gentleman. mo l can't.
This is the third time you have
come for this money. Your master {
sn't afraid 1 am going away, is
le?" '.Not 'zactly; but look
leahr said the darkey silly and
nysteriously, ''hes a-gwine to run I
lisself, and darfer' wants to make :
/ big raise"
Girls First.-"The best husband I
ever met" says a living writer,
came out of family where the
mother. a most heroic and self-de-i
wing woman, laid down the absO- :
ute law, Girls First'-not in any (
but first to be thought of l
IS to protection and tenderness.
Consequently the chivalrous care
which these lads are taught to show
o their own sisters naturally ex-
ended itself to sll women. They
rev up true gentlemen-gentlemen $
generous, uneXacting, courteous Of
peech and kind OF heart. In them
7as the protecting strength of
Sold Again.-''I say,fellows," eX-
damned Fogg. ''have you heard the
Jews? Brown and his wife have y
eparated." "Nor' us that so?''
How did that come about?" Il 1
lways thought it would come to
hat" Guess it'll be better for
10Th of EN-" These were a few y
expressions that fell from the lips f
II l. El,or-. rrar.l " nd 4