The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1883-03-06
Mllwaukee's Bad Boy.

"What on earth g that you have got
on your upper lip said the grocerymaE
to the bad boy, as he came in AMI began
to peel rutahaga, and his upper lipl
hung over his teeth, and was covered
with some hing that looked like shoe
makers wax. you look as though You
had been digging potatoes with your
nose."
80, that's some of pas darn smart
ness. asked him If be knew anything
that would make b,y's mustache grow,
and he t,ld me the best thing he ever
tried was tar, and for me 10 rub it on
thick when went to bed and wash it off
in the morning / put it on last night
and by gosh can't wash it of. Pstold
me all 1 had to do was to use scqnrin :
brick and it would come off, and used
the brick and it took the skin q =, and
the tar is there yet, and lay, does my lip
look very bad ?"
The groceryman told him it was the.
worst looking lip he ever saw, but be
could cure it by rubbing little CAYENNE
pepper 10 the tar. a. said the tar would
ueutrallza the pepper, and the pepper
ing lotion to he lip. The boy went to
the can Of pepper beh nj the counter
and stuck his finger in and rubbed lot
it ON his lip, ami his hair began to
raise, and he began to cry, and rushed
to the water-psil and ran his face into
the water to wash off the pepper. The
grocerymau laughed, ard when the boy
had got the pepper washed off, and had
resumed his rutahaga, he said
THAT seals your fate. No man ever
trifes with the feelings of bold buca
neer of the Spanish main without living
to rue it, l will lay for you, old man,
and don't you forget it. Pa thought he.
was smart when he put tar on my lip to
bring my mustache out, ard to-day he
lays on bed of pain. and to morrow
your turn will comn. You will regret
that you did not get down on your knees
aud beg my pardon. You will be sorry
that you did not prescribe cold cream
for my bruised lip instead of cayenne
pepper. Beware. you base twelve-ounce
to the pound huckster, you gimlet-eyed
seller of dog sausage, you sanded sugar
Idiot, You small potato three-cs;d monte
slight of hand rotten egg iend, you viii
lain that sells smoked sturgeon and dog
fish for halibut. The syenger is on
your track"
"Look here, voung man, don't you be
threatening me, or will take you by
the ear and walk you through green
fields and beside still waters 10 the front
door and kick your pistol pocket clear
round so you can wear it for watch
pocket in your vest No boy can fright
en- me by crimes But tell me, how di
you get even with your pa2"
"Well, give me glass Of cider aud
we will be friends, aad l will tell you,
Thanks Gosh! but that cider Is made
out of mouldy dried apples and sewer
water" and he took handful OF
of raisins off the top of box to take
the taste out OF his mouth, and while the
grocer charged peck OF rutabagas,
gallon of cider and two pounds of rails
ins to the boys pa, the boy proc 'eded:
You see, pa likes joke the best Of any
man you ever saw, if it is on somebody
else, but lac kicks like steer when 1t is
on him. / asked him this morning if it
would not be good joke to put some
soft soap on the front steps so the letter
carrier would slip up and spill himself,
and pa said it would be elegant. Pa is
Democrat, and be thinks that ANYTHING
that will make it unpleasant for Repub-
lican office-holders is legitimate, and he
encouraged me to paralyze the letter car
rier. The letter carrier is as old man
as pa, and | didn't want to bumiliate
him, but ] just wanted pa to give his
consent so he couldn't kick if he got
caught in his own trap You see2 Well
this morning the minister and two dea-
cons called on pa to. have talk with
him about his actions in church on two
or three occasions, when he pulled out
pack OF cards with his handkerchief, and
played the music-box, and they had
pretty hot time in the back parlor, and
finally they settled it and were going to
sing a hymn, when pa handed them
little hymn book, and the minister open.
ed it and turned pale and said, Whats
this p and they looked at 1t, and it was
a book of Hosles games instead OF
hymn book Gosh! wasn't the minis
ter mad? He had started to read
hymn, aud he quit after he had read two
lines where it said, In a game of four
handed eucher never trump your part
ner's ace, but rely on the ace to take the
trick on suit
Pa was trying to explain how the
book came to be there, when the minis
ter and the deacons started out, and then
| poured the two quart tin pail full of
soft soap on the front step. 1t was this
white soap, just the color of the step.
and when l got it spread l went down
in The basement. The visitors came out
and pa was trying to explain to them
about Hoyle, when one of the deacons
stepped in the soap, and his feet flew up
and he struck on his pants and slid
down the steps. The minister said,
Great heavens, deacon, are you hurt
Let me assist you,' and he took two
quick steps, and you have seen these
fello vs. in a niger show that, kick each
other head over heels and fall on their
ears, and stand or their heads and turn
around like top. The minister's fee
slipped, and the next saw he was stan
ding on his head in his hat, and his legs
were sort Of wilted, and fell limp hy hi
side. and he fell over on his stomach
You talk about spreading the gospel in
heather lands. 1t is nothing to the way
you can spread it with two qlarts of
soft soap The minister didn't look
pions q bit, when he was trying to catch
the railing He looked as though he
wanted to murder every man on earth; ;
but it may be he was tired. Well, pa
was paralN zad, he and the other deacon
rushed out to pick up the minister and
the ,fgst. old man, and when they struck
the step they went kiting. Pas feet
somehow slipped backwards and he
turned summersalt, and struck full
length on his hack and one heel was
across the minister's neck. and he slid