Connecticut western news., 1883-01-17
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
Bro. Gardner is after the Lawyers with a
 Sharp Stick.
From the Detroit Free Press

IErOm the D6UrOlG Free 1E0SS.
 "Doorin' de pas week, began the old man as the stove grew red hot and the lamps cast their brightest light, "I has received several letters from lawyers com plainin' dat I war too hard on 'em las week. I has also received several letters from people of odder profeshuns sayin dat I didn't bar on half hard huff. Let us go obber de case agin.
 "Who makes our State laws? De Legislachur. Who runs de Legislachur De lawyers. Not bill of any import ance passes House or Senate widout some lawyer has han in it. If he has an ole suit on his hands he has law passed to fit it. If sartin law am an obstruction to some big case on han he has it amended If he finds law which he can't jump ober or dodge aroun' he sets to work to tinker it up. We haven't 8 law on de statute books of Michigan which means what 1t reads, and which cannot be made to read so as to mean moas' anything. Oats de work of lawyers.
 'For ebery murderer convicted three go clear, eben when de evidence am just as strong. Oats de work of lawyers.
 "For ebery thief sent to prison for a year six thieves walk out of de court room free men. Dat's de work of lawyers.
 "Out of ebery fifty arrests made by de police fur State Prison offenses mo- dan thirty escape punishment. Dat's de work of lawyers.
 ''De lawyer advises divorce for de sake of de fees. He incites relatives to fight dead mans will bekase he can clutch some of de money. He will turn son agin father or husban' agin wife for a twenty dollar bill. Let his own mothers body be stolen from de grave by ghoul, an he would feel bad bekase public opinion wouldn't let him rake in fifty o1 seventy-fve dollars, an secure verdict of not guilty.
 "All de mony on airth couldn't hire me to raise my han agin ole Sir Isaac Walpole ober dar', who picked cotton an hood cane wid me in slavery days. A lawyer will sue his own brudder fur a debt of ten dollars. He will turn friend agin friend, relative agin relative an break up de happiest household, or de oldest church congregashun at very low figures, an wid promptness an dispatch.
 'De lawyer claims to represent de law. In case he does, he am some poo half-starved prosecutin' attorney who was placed in office bekase he didn't know much, an could be twisted round de fingers of lawyers defendin' law breakers. De real lawyer represents not de law, but de crimes of commit nifty. He am de headlight of de bur- glar. He am shinin' sun in de horizon of thief He am de bright star in de pathway of 8 husband who wants to put his wife in 8 lunatic asylum-de cashier who wants to rob de bank-de son who wants to send de ole folks to de poo house an take posseshun of de farm. De smart lawyer am de one who clears de moas' criminals. If lawyer can't pull honest laws to pieces, insult witnesses. lead juries astray an clear eight crimi. nals out of ten, he nebber gets rich. Oar am not single days work in dis kentry for an absolutly honest lawyer. But fur dat perfeshun we wouldn't have one crime whar we now have hundred
 
 one public scandal whar we now have scores. Let us now purceed to biz ness"