The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-03-10
Joining "a Band.


ments was burned few days ago at
Elkl:.st, Ind. Whether this is dispen-
sation of divine providence. or only an
act Of the populace is not known. II
one could figure up the annoyance
caused to innocent people by every brass
horn manufactured while the operator
of the horn is learning to play, there
would be no wonder that the factory
burned. A brass band, composed of
good players is thing all enjoy, but the
playing of a single horn, by new be-
ginner, Is about the most mournful and
nerve SCATTERING experience that the
world can produce, if we except a base
ball nine composed of cats practicing in
the night, 1t beats all how few persons
who begin to play horn hold out faith
full to the end, and eventually become
members of a band. There is a time in
the life of every young man when he has
an ambition to belong to brass band,
and he never rests cOntented until he
| has borrowed, or owns, a brass horn.
A boy goes to country fair and sees a
band, hired from neighboring town,
and each member of the band is hero
in the eyes of the boy. He sees the
blue coats, with gold lace, the epaulettes,
the cap with its musical front piece, and
the yellow stripe down the trousers, and
he is mashed ON the band, and he re-
the fellow that blows the trombone
flirting with the girl he took to the fair,
and she seems to enjoy the distinction,
the iron enters his soul, and he re-
solves to become blower, too, and
take revenge on his girl by MASKING
other girls. He sees the crowd collect
around the band stand as the band plays
a tune, and notices the snare drummer
cock his hat over on one side of his head,
and look ut all the girls, and the young
man is almost inclined to learn to play
the drum instead of the horn, as he
argues that playing the drum gives one
better opportunity to look around, but
when he reflects that it only takes mus
Gle to play the drum, and that it requires
brain and wind to play horn, he de-
cides on the horn. And when the band
is marched off to the dining hall, at the
fair, and given place at the head of the
table, near the orator of the day, who
has his Grafton in his pocket, and is
afraid he will loose it, and sees the crowd
collect around the band, his mind is made
up more firmly than ever to learn to play
horn. He goes home and dreams of
the band, and the next day he goes to
work and sells calf, or takes some of
the money he earned harvesting, and
buys brass horn and book of notes
that he does not know the name of. He
has been to singing school, and can read
singing notes, but horn notes are too
rich for his blood. He does not tell his
family what he has done, but smuggles
his horn into the barn, and when he has
got the milking done, and fed the stock
he goes out TO the barn and gets into the
hay NOW and feels of the keys. He
finally musters up courage to blow gently
into the horn, and he hears noise that
is cross between the squeal of a pig
caught under gate, and the below
of COW that smells blood and paws
the turf, and looks sassy in the past
ure. lie blows gently until he has
got SO he can make straight noise
that does not split up the back and go
out of the instrument both ways, and the
folks i'll the house begin to hear it. Then
he concludes that he will see how much
the instrument will stand, and he draws
in his breath and blows for all that is
out, and as the discordant "bla-a-t' goes
out upon the sitting air of the hay NOW,
and he feels sensation at the butt of the
ears that makes him think mule has
kicked him, he hears the horses down
stairs kicking in the stalls, and the cows
are lowing as though they had heard bad
news, and the faithful dog that he left
out doors begin to howl as though there
t,, hn h1
Then the beginner begins to realize that
he is making sensation, and he looks
out of crack in the barn towards the
house, and he sees his mother standing
on the porch with her apron over her
head looking at the barn as though it was
on fire, the hired man, who is pumping
water, stops with the pump handle in
the air, and he sees his father, in his
shirt sleeves, pick up an AK handle and
start for the barn, splitting on his hands
and looking savage. He sees neighbo:.
who was driving by, stop his team in
front of the house and ask if there is any
body sick, and he realizes that it is i'm
possible to keep his secret longer, and he
comes down. out of the hay-mow, with his
brass horn under his arm, as sheepish as
though he had been caught kissing the
hired girl, and confesses to his outraged
family that he is learning to play horn
so he can join the band. His father tells
him he is a blasted fool, but his mother
and sister take his part and argue that
it will be great honor to have him
wear Brigadier General clothes in his
band, and the matter is compromised by
allowing him to practice on his horn out
in the south lot. and for week or two,
at intervals mournful sounds are heard
from that direction, and then they sud
denly cease, and when his father finally
asks the boy how he is progressing as
hornist, he tells his parent that he has
traded off his horn for fiddle or an
ACCORDION, and explains, by showing his
upper lip. which Is swelled up to twice
its natural size. that he is not cut out for
playing wind instrument That horn
will be traded all over the neighborhood,
and will finally be found in garnet,
jammed out of shape, and the brass
band fever will have passed away.
Among the greatest failures of the world
there are none that are sadder than the
failure of boy to learn to play a brass
horn. -Peck's Sun.