The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-12-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

People who are color-blind can not
distinguish any difference between red
and green. To them the woman who
paints her cheeks looks green.
"No sir, my daughter can never be
yours" al don't want her to be my
daughter!' broke in the young ardent.
IL want her to be my wife,"
A young colored man of Illinois is
said to have made fortune Of $3.50, 900
within year. We suspect he served a
few months as porter on Pullman
palace car.
$50 you are marred. remarked Mrs.
Smith; ''when do you receiver" &c."
replied the newly-wedded one, THAT
will depend on our friends. We shall
be ready to receive as fast as the pres
ents are sent in" ft '--
A young man who sat upon black
piece of iron in blacksmith shop and
unceremoniously sprang seven feet IN
the air, with wild shrek of despair,
says he don't think much of the hot
springs as health resort
A new mineral called adamascolite
has been found in Missouri, and it is
said that it will cut steel. Adamasco-
lite will fill long-felt want. Now the
traveller can have knife that will cut
railroad sandwich.
alice" said Mrs. Petulia in SUBJ
dued tone to her little girl one evening
at supper, you must eat bread with
your jam" "But, mamma" protested
Alice, tits plenty good enough with
out bread" 1"0
How many parts of speech are
there, Johnnie?" well, in our house
there amt none, cause when nanny
gets her speech started it never parts;
it just reaches from sun to sun 'thout
even crack in it,
THE surest way to take cold,' said
distinguished physician, sis to hug
the stove" Young men who 60 court
ing on Sunday nights should remember
this, and not spend all their time hug
ging the stove.
American tourist in gallery of art:
81 say, John, we haven't got but twen-
ty minutes to 60 through this thing
before the train starts. You take one
side and I'll take the other, and we'll
do it up in good style. '--Burlington
Free Press.
A tailor informed one of his credit
ors that if he did not settle his bill i'm
mediately he would commence suit,
but was surprised to receive a postal
card by return mail politely informing
him to look to the settlement of one
suit before commencing another.
A Hoosier at dinner on Mississippi
palatial steamer was about to reach
out for something before him, but the
waiter, checking him, exclaimed, hur-
riedly: THAT, sir, is dessert. " co."
said the Hoosier. 81 don't care if it's
wilderness, am going to eat it all the
same. '-Philadetphta Cali.
'Oh. MOI she exclaimed, in conster.
nation, surely not, doctorN' Yes"
be said, you are certainly threatened
with scarlet fever" What shall do,
what shall | dop" she moaned in great
distress. .'Oh, doctor, couldn't you
throw it into some other kind of feverp
Scarlet is so trying on my complexion"
30, will he bite?" exclaimed one of
MiddletOwn's sweetest girls, with a
look of alarm, when she saw one of the
dancing bears on the street the other
day. No said her escort, che cannot
bite--he is muzzled; but he can hug"
30, she said, with distracting smile,
81 don't mind that i.G.I '.
johnnie did any one have the Group
in your house last nightp' Dunno
What made you ak me?" well, / saw
light in the house long after mid
night" "Oh, that's my sister. She
has somethin' down in the parlor awful
late every night, but l don't know
whether it's the Group or not. - Yonk-
srS Gazette.
I'VE are going to have mild winter,
Mrs. Marley; everybody says SC" re-
marked Mrs. Seaton. Mrs. Varley
merely acknowledged the information
with an "Ah," but when Mrs. Scaton
had gone she turned to her companion
and said: you know what that remark
means, don't youP Her husbands too
stingy to buy her new set of furs.
Say, Captain" said fresh young
man on Sound steamer, whats that
thing over therep" "a hawser," was
the brief reply. "a horse' Dear me!
What do you use it for, CaptainP"
We'll, when fools like you get tired Of
sailing we just put saddle on it and
let them ride ashore" growled the
gruff old mariner. $50.
Mamma, what is cipherp" why,
my child, cipher is naught; that is,
it is nothing" well, then. papa must
be naughty nothing What makes
you think sop cause papa caught
hold of the nurse this morning and
said: 4 cipher taste of your lips,
and she smacked him. :" ibid she slap
him with her handp'' "No,r ma am;
but she bit him right in the mouth"
Every noted foreigner who arrives on
our shores "love America. As long,
that is, as he makes money here. II
his undertakings result disastrously in
financial point of view, he goes home
and writes book about America. And
1t is only necessary TO read one chapter
| m d;oonrar bot hts -