The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-03-28
Wit and Wisdom.

dry-goods paper has good deal to say
about the Reconsideration of domestics. We do
not know exactly what this means, but if it
will only transform chambermaids into good
cooks We will rise mp and call it blessed.--Bos-
ton Courier.
He had just returned from his summer vaca-
tion, and describing the beauties of mountain
scenery to a lady friend he asked, Have you
ever seen the Cats-kill mountains?" and she
answered, '"No but 1 have seen the Bull's
cough-syrup.
A gentleman explains to an honest peasant
who has been allured by the doctrines OF Con-
munism, that even if it were possible TO have
a redistribution of property his share wouldn't
amount to more to more than 800 francs &C.
oording to the latest statistics of population
nd wealth. s'Well,'' says the honest peasant,
with smirk of satisfaction, three hundred
francs would make asvery tidy little sum along
with what have already. Communism is by
no means such q bad thingl''-From the
French.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate. Overworkeo
Nervous Systems.
DR.. EDWARD l.. DUER, PHILADELPHIA
says: II have used it for several years, con-
sidering il valuable in overworked nervous
systems, and in the exhausted condition fol
lowing protracted fevers.''
What they do not say. He-"Your father
must be worth at least a million, and you
would enable me to go through life in . style
never could hope for without you. I do not
love you, it is true. but-one cannot expect
everything. So let us marry. II your father
fails can crawl out of it somehow She =
every WE'LL You will never amount to any
thing. but You are good enough as far as YOU
go. have trifled with SO many men that
most of them hate me, and may not get a
better offer. If do can break the engage
mert Life.
The great sale of Swedish Remedies is aston
ishing, and for enriching the blood. creating
an appetite, or strengthening the whole system
nothing can surpass these remedies.
A young physician who had long worshipped
at distance was one day suddenly called to
attend her. He found her suffering from no
particularly dangerous malady but she wanted
him to prescribe for her nevertheless; Sc he
took her hand aud said impressively: ''Well,
I should-prescribe- should prescribe that
you-get-married." "Oh, goodness said
the. interesting invalid, "who would marry
me. 1 wonder?' 81 would" snapped the doc
tor, with all the voracity of six-foot pickerel
'sYeupi exclaimed the maiden. Yes
well. doctor, If that is the fearful alterna
tive, you can go away and let me die il
peace. -Wrightsville (Ga.) Recorder.
How my throat hurtsl Then Why Ion
H. -. II TT n
Pixies Tcoibache Drops cure in one minus
Those who write for san1Is Stamp not for
transcript please ensssTTdence that they don't
publication, but Headed philanthropist. with
take us iors1 cane and an income of S7O0,OOO
gold-fno is printing paper for amusement
a~paying the postage on it for fun.-MiddIe-
town (Del) Transcript.
II you are suffering from a sense Of extreme
uedr7aess, try one bottle OF Ayers Sarsaparilla
1t will cost you but one dollar, and will do
you incalculable good 1t will do away with
that tired feeling, and give you new life and
energy.
Albany boasts of seventy -year-old bachelor
who never used tea, coffee, tobacco cake or
PIE, and has never been In woman's comma
ny Since he cut loose from his infantile dresses
His life, we should think, has been about as
moDotonous as that of wooden Indian in front
OF cigar store and he has had Just about as
much fun.-Nofristown Herald
Avoid cheap goods. The Hop Plaster cures
pains and aches where other plasters simply
relieve, rs cts. at all drug stores.
Philadelphia man who visited the Signal
Service Department while in Washington.
says it reminded him Of a social party. An
the people were talking about the weather
Philadelphia News
Boss, 'sposen you was ter miss some morn
in dat ar pure pinter dog what you paid $500
for, how much would you gif me eff fetched
him back to yer house on Austin ayenue?n
asked Sam JohnsiDg. ~ expect would give
you ten dollars replied Colonel Yereer
thoughtfully. "Wel, den, boss, less hand ont
dat ten dollars now, and yer won't miss dat
dog, in the fust place. Hit will sabe Yer
heap OF anxiety about de pup.-Texas Siftinps
A true assistant to nature in restoring the
system to perfect health, thus enabling It to re-
sist disease, is Browns Iron Bitters
"Jane, light the gas" aPlease, sir. the gas
is lit" "oh, so it isl Well, bring in a candle:
my gas bill has Just come in, ana I want to
look over lf."-Philadelphia News.