Morning journal and courier., 1883-09-27
PUNCHED.

There are seven rum distilleries in the country which make 5000 gallons day. Punch, brothers, punch with care.-Lowell Courier.
 A Vermont man in publishing one of Bly, ron's poems changed the words: "Oh, gods!" to 70 gosh," because the former was too profane for his readers.-Boston Post.
 'sOh, we had such an excellent sermon to- day on the preamble about good Sam Arri- ton; must look in the discordance and see who Sam Arriton was," was the soliloquy of Mrs. McGill after her return from church last Sunday. Independent
 couple at Manchester were visited last Tuesday evening by lot of friends to cele brate their tin wedding. The Nashua Tele- graph says ''the surprise was unexpected by them, '' which leads us to think the cele- bration differed from surprises" in general. Lowell Courier.
 ment in Boston the other evening sang, s'Take Me Back to Home and Mother" She had not finished the first verse before every one in the audience was willing to grant her request, provided she would carry her wretched song with her.-Milton News.
 Doctor" said maa to his physician, who had just presented bill of $50 for not much ready money. Will you not take this out in trader" ooh, yes.'' oheerfully answered the doctor; T think that we can arrange that-but what is your business7" ''I am 8 cornet player" was the startling re- ply.-Bazar.
 The small boy has many sports known only to himself. You may know that he is perfectly happy and mentally at rest when he steals @ boat whose oars are locked up and paddles around with 8 picket that fills his hands with splinters. But even then he is perhaps not so happy as when sitting in chill autumn wind, blowing on his fingers to keep them warm, and perehed on the point of stone, watching a sweet potato slowly roasting on fire made of sun dried shoes.-Puck.
 From the ashes of the dead past rises the Mother Hubbard dress, like 8 Phoenix, and not so much like Phoenix, either, as like 8 coffee sack, held in place at the swan like throat by silver arrow and trimmed with point lace and other frills. There is nothing like it on the face of the globe, unless it be another dress of the same awful pattern. If the Mother Hubbard dress is an old fashion reiHvenated we can only say, in the posthu- nous language of departed poet, ''Shoot it. Turn the Mother Hubbard out! As 8 balloon it is all right enough, and en regle, but as a dress it is 8 lock-stitched, gathered, puffed and ruff1ed failure, and whitening re- preach to the beasted culture of the nine teenth century.-Texas Siftings.
 THE DuFERENcE.
 They stood at the bar of justice
 Two women with heads bowed down,
 And dressed in rustling silk
 And one in tattered gown.
 One clad in the height of fashion, The other one ragged and torn
 The former inspiring sympathy,
 The latter contempt and scorn.
 stAnd why are they here 2" questioned
 seWhy are they in suck disgrace
 The shrinking form in the tattered gown
 And that in the silk and lace ?n
 teThey're here" said ths grim policeman
 And frown his viaage wore,
 sFor stealing whenever they got Q chance
 In fancy or dry goods store"
 The one in rags sentenced
 To years Incarceration
 In the common jail l; the one in silk
 Was "taken on probation"
 "Now, why should this be so 2" asked
 The answer was terse and brief =
 "The lady's kleptomaniac,
 The enc in the rags thief"