Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1883-02-28
An Old-Fashloned Lyceum Lecture.

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Reader, ddst ever deliver a lecture at a
country "lyceum :" II 80, read the follow
ing. 1t is good. ave have been there"
Mrs. Brown, having a lecture upon the
Parthenon, was invited to deliver it before
the lyceum of Walnutville. Knowing Of
Walnutville only that it was fifteen miles
from railroad, Mrs. Brown suggested a
more popular subject. No, Walnutville
wanted the Parthenon. At the station
named in the letter of direction Mrs. Brown
saw stage, and soon its driver said:
I" Be you the lecturer for Wslnutville 2"
"Yes"
"Wa'al, git right in, and you hain't no
need to pay no fare neither, for I'm the COM
init ee that wrote you"
Mrs. Brown was the only passenger, and
the driver cheered the long and lonely way by
telling her, Folks was thinkin' sight
about seein' on her, lots on 'em remem-
berin' her grandsir." They were only four
hours on the road, and when the time for
the lecture came Mrs. Brown was escorted to
the hall by the same gentleman. On the way
he exhorted her to speak up, and not be like
"them Methodist wimmeD, who mumbled
so folks did not know when to say Hal
lelujah.
The hall, an unpainted building consisted
of great room with an enormous outside
door opening directly into it. There were
seats against the wall upon the two sides,
which the stage-driver explained as being
the place where "the old men sot town
meetin' day." The people who were in their
seats turned round and gazed at Mrs. Brown
while she took off her wraps and put on her
gloves. Telling her escort she was ready,
he said he warnt a.goin' upon that roos-
trum to make fool of himself; the minis
ter had got to do that"
While waiting for the minister, and en-
during the staring of the audience Mrs.
Brown diverted her mind by wondering why
row of men were seated at the back of the
platform. Finally curiosity conquered.
"What are those n.en up there for 2"
"Them Why, they're the Walnutville
brass band, and they're goin' to play. Don't
they have no bands where you come from ?"
Fortunately Mr.. Snow, the minister, ap-
peared then, and Mrs. Brown trailed meekly
up the aisle after him. Obedient to his
gesture, she sat down, and he said, awe
will unite in prayer"
That exercise disposed Of, Mr.. Snow pro-
ceeded The Walnutville brass band will
favor us with Columbia, the gem of the
ocean,"
The performance was stunning, deafen-
ing but before breath or hearing could be
regained the agile clergyman was on his feet
"The chorister of the Baptist church will
now delight the audience with song
There's good time coming, boys; wait
little longer
The chorister walked slowly to the steps
of the platform, and waited, looking severely
at Mr.. Snow.
al forgot to say,' shouted the much.af-
flicted man, d" that he will be accompanied
by his daughter on an Estey instrument"
Then the father and daughter mounted
the stage, the organ was wheeled into its
place, and the performers had good time,
if nobody else did.
The audience was Indifferent to an alarm
ing degree, looking at Mrs. Brown like scores
of duplicates of the goddess Pasht, who sits
and glares at people in the British Museum.
Again Mr.. Snow Z" Mrs Brown will now
read us piece on the Parthenon."
Mrs. Brown stepped to the front, and,
amid a stiffness so profound that she could
hear the breathing of persons near her, read
her piece. 1t took an hour, and during all
that time the death-like quiet was broken
but once and then boy who had climbed
up on the outside and peeped in at win
dow informed his companions in hoarse
whisper that "she warn't no great to look
at, anyhow" Not a hand stirred nor even
an eyelid moved when the Parthenon was
ended but Mr.. Snow allowed no time for
embarrassment, for he was at once on
his feet
"The chorister of the Methodist church
will sing Rocked in the cradle Of the Deep
He will accompany himself"
The same mastery indifference while the
Methodist chorister rocked himself violently
backward and forward, and while he was
wipiug his heated brow after he had returned
to his seat. But indefstigable Mr.. Snow
knew no weariness
"The band will again delight us with
Marching through Georgia."
Hark from the tombs," would have
suited the temper of the audience equally as
well-to all appearance, better. Finally,
the minister concluded
These exercises will close with bene-
diction."
lie had hardly spoken its last words when
the stage-driver shouted:
"Here, marni, is the money we've took.
You eau take your pay out ont"
Mrs. Brown, not accustomed to approving
herself, declares she rose to that occasion,
for she turned all the money into her pocket
handkerchief, aud told him she would settle
on her way to the train. One or two people
walked solemnly up to her, Imply shook
her hand, and said, plaintively, "W We have
enjoyed your lecture" but with these excep-
tions the awful silence was not disturbed.
To this day Mrs Brown is in doubt II they
think the Panthenon an improved sewing
machine or a new kind of hay spreader,-
Harptrs Magdsine for March.