Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1883-12-12
Aunt Maria Remarks,

and = VI tuc ldluly, ,
~ 'nu'Vidual, are not subjects for
newspaper men TO publish unless thew
"ASe bearing on public affairs.
That the remarks of Aunt Mari.
nave caused Uncle Jake TO conclude
'nat be will not stand about the cor.
neis and play the Paul Pry on private
anairs. You should thank Aun; Maria
lor giving you a reform idea. Krow
thyself jake.
mat the Lutheran Missionary en-
terfalnment was solemn one comrar.
eo with the Presbyterian entertainment.
mat 1t is queer that a so year old
bachelor, as Uncle Jake proclaius
himself to be, should know that there
are women walking about the town at
night In mems clothes. jake, Dear
keep out of bad company.
Tha. Governor Pattison will not
soon again call an extra session of the
Legislature.
That Uncle Jake would like to have
II appear that he will not associate with
Aunt Maria. Dear jake, don't you
remember that | called you skunk Of
q man, one not fit for Aunt Maria to
associate withe You turned your nose
up too late. Don't take on airs, they
don t suit people Of such poor breeding
that want to poke their nose into all
the private affairs of their neighbors.
How mean you are, Uncle Jake, don't
you know that "Burdette's Miseries of
a Mean Man" just fits you1 1t was
never intended for the petticoat sex
1t was intended for the sneaking by
path defamers Of women. Such fellows
that by iusinuating remarks try to rob
people that they do not like of their
good name, aud who when they get a
chance on the pocket book estate of a
petticost, pull it hard. Dear Jake,
did you ever reflect that Burdette Is a
canter, and that one canter will steal
the cant of fellow canter, and that's
how you came to steal Burdet;e's cant
piece. Recite another piece, but please
don't put it on the petticoats, put it
where 1t belongs, that is, on yourself.
You have not the ability, jake, to put
your cant in composition like Bur-
dette, but your cant causes Burdette's
cant to blush With shame. Ii was the
meanest of birthstone cant, Dear Uncle
jake, that caused you to abuse a GER
tain preacher, who is out of health, be-
cause he could not, in justice to him
self, preach Thanksgiving sermon
1t was the meanest of cant that caused
you to abuse another preacher because
be expressed an inquiry as to the ori-
gen o. Thanksgiving day. You can
easily say Uncle Jake Il have joined
the canters, and I'll never forsake them.
| have learned to cant and rant at my
neighbors, be hypocrite, ny, and Fl,
and don't forget it l have joined can
ters' school"
That ':The Rosebuds" is @ nice name
for a club.
That Uncle Jake gives taffy to the
lawyers. Aunt Maria wants none of
your taffy; it smells of the skunk can
ter, Dear jake.
That large number of people are
waiting on sIeighlng to have a good
time.
That if Uncle Jake will reform, and
Will no longer cant, Aunt Maria may
have smile once in while for him,
but there is not the least hope that
Aunt Maria will propose when Leap
year comes in, for Uncle Jake bas the
profession o. law liz view. Aunt Maria
believes with the elder Adams, of Mas
sachusetts, that the lawyer is not a
great deal better than legalized free
booter, and he would not give his con-
sent to the marriage of a daughter with
a lawyer. Don't, Dear Jakie. come
and propose, for since the time of Adj
ans, the lawyers have not as a class
improved. Outside of the collection
OF debt, and pulling dead mems estates
what is there 10 the practice of law
jake, dear, if you become a lawyer
and fail to get deb. claims to collect
and fail to get an auditors account or
two each year 10 state, you cannot make
ycuI bread aud butter. All the "orpery1
thief cases, all the unfortunate women
cases is the business Of the lawyer to
lay bis itching palms on, and blow his
abusive breath over. Oh how L pity
the poor girls who forget themselves
and love too unwisely. am told the
language of the lawyers in court Is of
ten more like the language about
prize ring, bear garden and bawdy
house; horrible place for a girl to
get into simply because she loved un-
wisely. Girls don't kiss the boys in
private, there is more danger to the
girls in giving private kisses, than there
is to the boy in taking occasional drinks
of intoxicating liquor, and you, jake,
profess to believe that it is perniciOus
thing for the boys to take drink. The
girl that submits to be kissed when a.
lone BY boy opens the way to dan
perous indulgence. Girls, take Aunt
Maria's advice and don't kiss the boys.
The lawyers business gives him cheap
opinion of the good intention Of people.
He himself thinks ofnotbing but fighting
the man on Tie other side, his. first
thought in the morning when be awak-
ems is of how be may beat the fellow
across the table, and Sc it is when he
lies down on his bed at night; its dog
of life. jake. 1t crushes all the
finer sensibility out of man, and gives
him 8 face of brass to shove himself
forward in the church, in the Legisla-
ture, everywhere that he believes that
be can find place to profit thereby,
and that is why there are many lawyers
showing themselves on all occasions -
The elder Adams was right, Uncle
Jake. Dear jake, take some other
profession, be preacher or an editor.
be an editor. Next to that of the
preacher the calling of the editor is the
highest. All the world on paper pass
es across an editors table, good and
k.I tba froiIt,ac and mis- takas of poor