The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-10-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

ABSTAININO from 1OOu, IL IL bhlu, WlD
cure rheumatism. II You have rhenmS
tism go live in boarding house.
THERE Is 30 much sand in the straw
berries that are brought to market now
that they seem quite fit for the desert.
LOGIC is logic, and it does not follow
that Noah brewed beer in the ark be-
Cause tho kangaroo went on board with
hops.
"YEs," said the gilled youth, 81 hnte
to mako the sacrifice. but will. My
tailor must wait for his money and she
gets tie bouquets.
THE City of Houston, Tex, offered to
pay Ingersoll more to lecture one night
on iniidelity than it pays single one OF
its ministers for years work.
SpEAKING of the avocation OF the heav-
enly bodies, there is no doubt but
that the sun is tanncr.-M Cy Der
rick.
"Wm are these flats called French
nats?' "To distinguish them from
American flats" "What are American
llats ?" "'The people that live in French
flats"
THE "gentle reader" is supposed tot
one that doesn't get on his ear and swear
Whenever the newspaper man IS lucky
enough TO get full-page advertisements
- Wheeling Leader.
"REMEMBER who you are talking TO,
sir" said father to his fractions boy.
"I am your father" "Well, who's to
blame for that ?" asked young imperti.
nence "It amt me-"
THE meanest man we have heard OF
This season is the fellow who telegraphed
his sympathy to n friend who had just
lost everything in speculation, and made
him pay for the message.
COMMERCIAL traveler--"My name ia
Muller. / am agent for Schultze, In
Berlin" "Schultze, in Ber-
linz In that case I must beg you to
shut tho door from the outside"
Ir is very small village indeed that
doesn't contain billiard champion Of
thc United States. There are moro bill
liard champions in this country to-day
than there are billiard tables by long
chalk.
A NEGRO baby was born in Georgia
recently which weighed only q pound
and quarter, and 'literary feller."'
hearing of the circumstance, remarked
that IL was funny how anything 30 dark
could be so light.
THE other day Paris lady abruptly
entered her kitchen, md she saw the
cook skimming the soup with silver
spoon. She said to her, "Francoise, l
expressly forbade you to use silver in
the Kitchen" "But, madam, the spoon
was dirty
OUR contemporaries are now making
the timc-honored saying: "What is so
rare as a day in June" There Is some
thing far more rare, and that is mn ad.
yertiser who does not want his notice at
the top of the column and next to the
reading matter.
"THE last link is broken" the fellow
said when he kissed his girl good-by for
ever at her request, because her parents
wished dissolution. A few days later,
he received note saying Dear George:
There are plenty more links; come and
break them"
EDIToR to city merchant: Colonel,
I'd Ike very much for you to advertise
with me. Suppose You put in small
card for six months? Shan't cost you
much" 81 don't believe it would help
me-" "Thats not the question. want
it to help me-"
A SCANDAL, or quarrel, or murder, is
often explained by the statement that
"there is woman at the bottom OF it
rs the man said when his wife fell into
tho WELL There is generally woman
at the bottom of everything; but the Cap
itol at Washington is notable excep..
ton. There is woman at the top oi
that. .-NoyristOtOn Herald.