The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-05-10
WIT AND HU DOR.


Shontu music be sold by the chordF
Drum music might be sold by the
pound.
A light smuggling match-StrikinG a
lucifer A stare-way-T theater cor
ridor after matinee.
1t is probably of interest to know
that blaeksmiths are often wcld-to-do
sort of fellows.
The latest mineral discovery in Cali
fornia is a soap mine. Good stock to
water.
Spicer says the man for church sex
ton is the man who has no music in his
sole.
a Turkey Gobler: Russia. Lying IL
| state: Diplomacy. A nabob, Shaking
one > head in the negative.
Carpenters who re-fashion old dry
goods boxes should he called "Circum-
stances" because they alter eases.
When q person writes poems to kill
time, he may he pretty sure that time
Will have revenge and kill the poem
A miser is a man who lives and dies
like q beggar in order that he may never
be poor.
There is no difference between n well
limbed tramp and well trimmed lamp
when a cyclone makes its appearances,
for they both light out.
1t is said that the sun will absorb the
earth in a million years. That puts an
end to prizc-iighting. It-doesn't leave
time for the necessary negotiations.
No, my son, those young gentlemen
whom You see going ont between acts
are not what are commonly known as
Washers. They are only sour-mashers.
1t is popularity believed that Caesar
burst his mighty heart, " but it is plain
to the careful observer that he died of
Brute force.
The editor of an Oregon paper calls
his rival ii .Afaia. That is a sort of a
left-handed compliment, which means
that his contemporary is rising, and will
soon become prominent.
Can YOU tell me. Z" asked Twistem,
t'the difference between nay cook, this
morning. and u passenger ON new
railroad? One was ballin shad. and the
other was shaken bad.
See here, sir. said the header of the
minuet to the orchestra director, do Won
thinF we are on the way 10 tie funeral
OF a rich relative? Because if You do,
you are much mistaken. We are dane
ing the minuct- Play slower.
An East End gentleman takes no in
terest whatever in the prevailing Dog
Show. lie says he has one of his own
at home. His wife has n temper. and
he and the children rarely pass Il day
without an exhibition of Mas tits"
II gives a New York man an awful
start To suddenly observe a clipping
from a Chinese newspaper which has
been left lying on his table by some mis-
chicvous friend. His first thought, of
course. is that it is a wash bill
An exchange heads an article of
crime rs follows: A successful burglar
and his subsequent capture!' We sup
pose that Is the reason that there are 50
many unsuccessful burglars in this
country when they are not captured
A Williamsport man went to bed the
other night with eyesight AS good rs any
man. When he awoke lac. could not see
the least thing in the world Come to
think OF IT, however, it would take a
microscope 10 do that.
The attention of Henry Bergh is called
TO the fact that an Ohio marshal has is
sued an order proclaiming that all ami
mails found running at large will be
pounded Now is the time 10 get up
clubs.
A rural exchange says: "NoyesWhite
is the proud and happy owner of
handsome, well-formed calf, weighing
10 pounds Noyes viii have to have
his stockings made TO order, or else send
for some Of David Davis cast-oifs
A man i'll Baltimore. now seventy-five
years OF age, has been married thirteen
times. lie ought to marry the Penn
sylvania widow who has laid away nine
husbands. 1t would be a sort of life
saving institution.
II. lives in the country near Paris,
winter and summer, but always after
the LIST of May they meet him on the
boulevard. He explains: 1.-The country
is too crowded Everybody is there on
Sunday; 50 | come to get the air of
Paris.
An ingenious music compositor who
had a piece of his work knocked into pi,
squared it up. took off a few impress
sions, cut them into strips and collected
817.42 from neighbors who accepted
them as the regular weekly Chinese
wash bill.
..Goin fur?" the inquisitive traveller
asked the man on the woOd-box. well.
yes, he replied. II reckon it's fur.
L M going to Buffalo. And being thus
pelted with this answer, the inquisitiye
man looked as though he wanted to hide
somewhere. But this is Turin to the
subject.
Mrs. Carlyle's diary shows that when
the Princess of Wales was engaged to the |
future King of England she was a poor
but graceful girl who always wore long
cloaks. Once when she visited Windsor
the Queen said: Il think YOU ALWAYS
wear a jacket; how is fhat?'' oh |
said little Alexandria, i wear it because
it is SO economical. Youean wear it |
with any sort of gown, and you know / |
have always had to make my own
gowns Ihaye never had lady maid, !