St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-06-29
SQuibs.

How the colonel would run Col.
FaceabOut is nominated for town of
ticer. ''Do you think" asks his near
est friend, ''that the colonel will run
well 7" "NO doubt of it," replies Cor
pOral Lance, who was in the colonePs
regiment ''that is, if he hasn't
changed wonderfully. | know he
used to run well when he was in the
army Boston Transcript.
A woman in the country once went
for pound of candles, when, to her
great astOnishment and modification,
she was told they had risen penny in
the pound since her last purchase.
"What can be the cause of such a rise 7"
said the old woman. 81 can't tell"
answered the shOpkeeper, "but | be-
lieve tits principally owing to the war"
"What !" exclaimed the old woman
"Do they fight by candlelight 2"
White folks too presuming: $50
you has done left de Joneses 2" re-
marked Matildy Snowfall to Eliza
PinkstOn, both cOlOred, as they met
on Austin avenue. "Yeu bet | leffed
'em. Dey cOtched me wild dollar |
found on the mantle piece and tuck it
away from me, so jes quit 'em." "YOu
till done got my dollar back. White
folks am so presuming nOwadays."-
| Texas Siftings.
GLOW old are you, Jacob 7" asked
the doctor of an aged Austin Israelite,
whom he had been called to attend in
professional capacity, and who is a
broker, whose mind runs on the fiuc-
tuatiOn of the market 81 wash 70
years DID," was the reply. "You may
live to be 80 years of age" 81 wash
afraid not, Mishter Doctor" replied
Jacob. "Vy should the Lord want to
dake me at 80, ven lie can dake me
now at u f- Texas Siftings.
A cOlored man was hanging around
one of the opera houses the other even
ing in a manner to show that he was
deeply interested in what was going on
inside, and a gentleman finally said to
him "Why don't you go in Under
the civil-rights bill you can take a seat
in the parquet circle" eyes, sab |
knows all bout dat, sab !" was the re-
ply. "Under cibel-rights bill | ken
take any seat in the house but under
the present strain in my finances |
couldn't buy two shingles if hull opera
houses were sellin' for ten cents apiece,
sab"
"Is your railroad well equipped 2"
Railroad president-"Well equipped
| should say it was. Splendidly equip
ped, sir, splendidly. For instance,
there are our first mortgage rs, and
our second mortgage 6's, and our equip
ment bonds, and our land-grant bonds,
and our common stock, and our pre-
ferred stock, and the biggest floating
debt of any road in the country. But
that isn't all, sir. We've got the finest
lobby that any corporation can
show a perfect daisy, sir. If you
know of road that's better equipped
than ours is, name it, sir name it, if
you please. y Boston Transcript.
After the storm, few citizens who
met in a store on Seventh street, were
discussing its effects, and a young son
of the Emerald isle, who resides in
SwampOodle, was asked whether any
damage was done in his neighborhOod.
"No," he replied, "Only the Wildly
MalOBey lost fOive av her ducks" "By
the hail 7" "Yis, by the hail. The
WILDLY had an Ould duck, do you mOind,
wild brood of seven, just out about
10 days. Whin the storm came on, the
QUIZ H1OJHeT DUCK Uuck DtT youngsters
in under a porch, out of harms way.
Well, when the hail dropped, she tux
it for corn, and commenced to ate it,
and the little ones did the same, and
fOive of the dear little ducks were
frozen to death wild de hail on their
stomachs."- Washington Star.
The passengers in the sleeping car
had retired some half-hOur since, and
were just going off into their first maps,
when the voice of woman was heard
above the noise of the cars and the
rattle of the tempest. Chow the wind
blows !" it exclaimed. Every passen-
ger heard the voice, gave snort of
dissatisfaction and turned over. Just
AS everybody got half-asleep, again
came the plant, "How the wind blowsn
Again the snorts of displeasure were
heard, and again each passenger turned
over. All was quiet for perhaps ten
minutes. Then a third time came that
monOtonOus remark, Chow the wind
blows !" An elderly gentleman in one
of the centre berths stuck his head
through the drapery of his couch and
cOurteously remarked "My dear
madam, we are all under great obliga-
tions to you for your meteorological
observations but did you ever know
of a wind that didn't blow ~ A
suppressed exclamation meandered
through the car, and then all was quiet.
Il Boston Transcript.