Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-03-27
BOAK TO THE FRONT.


! Face"-Pungent Hits at the FoIl1es of the
Times.
| Editor st. Paul Globe:
youth who bears with stately grace
pale and melancholy face
Was impressed with the idea my last letter
to you wherein expressed my zeal for ep-
| aulettes and brass buttons was iII-digested
or indigestible. If impaired his diges-
ton by so doing will atone for the of
Tense by endeavoring to compound pre-
| scription here that will either kill or cure
him. 1t is very injurious to persons of a
morbid nature to think or brood too much
| over the contents of daily papers or the
faults or follies of others. 1t is better to
accept persons as they are, knowing it re-
quires a variety of animals to complete
the menagerie of human beings. For ex-
ample, laugh and grow fat over the antics
of monkey rather than fight him, frown
upon him or criticise him because nature
made him monkey and grow bilious fret
ting because he was not created a sancti-
fed monk instead of a monkey.
My sympathies are with those who are
afflicted with indigestion. I speak from
experience, as have been so afflicted with
indigestion I imagined my friends were
my enemies and my enemies were nv
friends. was broughtup among a group
of ministers of the gospel-the SWEETEST
man of the day was the minister; it was
quite an honor to have one or more of his
superior excellency dine at home with you,
and to my childlike delight my fathers
home was frequently honored with the
presence of one or more of these swell in
diyiduals, sometimes twelve or thirteen.
Of course people who entertained the min
istry were expected to have quantities of
goodies, preserves, etc., stored in a secret
corner of the cellar. The name of min
lister thrilled me with delight. I knew the
preserve jars and goodies would be brought
from their hiding place. A minister meant
swell dinner. Of all epicures and dys-
peptics were the children of those who en-
tertained the ministry. The latest fowls
were slaughtered, the choicest jars were
emptied, the SWEETEST china was tastefully
placed upon the table.
Reader, have you ever done a naughty
act while your papa and mamma were
looking after the comforts of the minis
ters? Did you slyly place your thumb and
forefnger into jar of your mammals
choicest fruits and triumphantly bring
forth juicy peach, plum or ounce?
probably six, eight or ten, and upset the
jar to make believe the innocent cat ha3
done the wicked act, and have pussy pun
ished and sent to bed without her supper;
and did you secrete a handful of green
gooseberries by your pillow for midnight
lunch after having eaten a swell dinner
with the ministers, and wake up in the
morning sick unto death with a peculiar
sensation about your head and heart and
brighten posr mamma and get some extra
kisses and finding papa bending over you
with care-worn face and anxious eyes and
weep tear or two, and have your older
sisters look upon you with jealous envy
wishing they were i'll, too. Such were the
crimes of the writer, equaled only by Oil
yer Twist, who asked for more. 1 think
the ministers we're responsible. I lay the
crime at their door. If they had not
been such violent epicurss this never
would have happened, and the doctor
knew it too. He shook his head mournfully
and said very i'll child, and added mon
tally, too many swell dinners, too many
ministers, but he kept the secret, as my
fathers home was harvest for the doc
tors, as well as the ministers. The secret
of doctors success depends upon his wis
dom and sscretiveness. Never flatter YOUR
selves physician will go to college, &C
quire knowledge by hard labor and then
allow his patients to know the cause of
their ailments. He will call the malady
quinejecorisasselli, or some other name to
suit their fancy, but you might as we'll try
to move the earth with crowbar as to try
to prevent ministers of the gospel from
eating swell dinners. They are like the
Legislature, they can and will have their
own way.
Once upon times very short time ago.
as the people of Minnesota will remember
well, the temperance man was expected to
come out the victor, but men are all obsti-
nate as mules Chat is the great difficulty
told you so long ago) and will have their
own way. The people appealed to the leg
islature in behalf of the temperance cause.
but tell you politicians have secrets of
their own, which they cannot, will not, or
dare not reveal. It would be less difficult
to pull down the castle of Belzebub than to
put down liquor through the power of the
legislature. They will outwit you eyery
time. The Legislators meet in a secret cor
ner of the capitol, join hands and slyIy put
their thumbs to their noses with four fing-
ers extended to the voice of the people,
Will you never learn the tricks of politi-
clans. Why there is saloon in this city
called the Capital Saloon" How is that
for low? In those words is written the Sc
cret of the legislature.
And now a word to
The youth who bears with stately grace
A pale and melancholy face.
Every pulpit must have its preacher;
Every village its gossips;
Every circus its clown, and
Every city its fool.
So 1 will don the fools cap for this
sanity city and choose the funny side of
life, rather than the grief stricken hearts
bowed down by weight of woe, without
cling to hope. Fools are as scarce in this
city as the flags were on Washington's
birthday, the 22d day of February, 1883.
Well, 1t Is not at all surprising the people
of st. Paul should forget the epauletted
hero who never told lie, as this winter
has been so cold it froze the hearts of all
to the core, like the temperance man in
his marble home and caused them to be
skeptical as to the truth of that little