The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-08-01
Wednesday, Aug. I, 1888.
COMIC COMMENTS.

Brief obituary notice of Wagner
France has lost her most implacable enemy
So has music Paris Paper.
The fault of the animal: az do wisl
cattle would grow larger sighed the Chi
cago belle my shoes pinch my feet ~
Washington World
--S"9 erinous Philanthropic passenger
aa';'raut, with small bundle
trunk, Pat?o "Phwat 'ud
Oh do W. unl . "Put yonr clothes
in it," An ne 81 .aked ?"--Kffs.
Entirely original: Well" said an
artist, d" there's one thing can say-rny
painting is original. Nobody can accuse me
of copying" Net even nature" remarked
one of his hearers. Boston TRANSCRIPT.
Missing Medical professor to raw
Suddenly Where is the CLOTHS p 81 don't
know, sir. think you put it on the shelf
the dissecting room with the rest of your
surgical instruments. " Medical and S,agi-
cal Reporter
Halt way anyhow You're getting
quite bald, old man; you try rum"
Rum So have. I've bought gallons
of it," "Ah, see; but then, p'raps. you
could never get it any higher than yonr
mouth m-London JIdy.
"A makeup that would b. popular:
Yes" said the man in the theat gallery,
the make-ups were generally fair, but
there was one makeup that l should like 70
SEA- makeup for lost time between tie
acts. Boston Transcript
- Food for thought: An author who
was salogizing his own works as containing
much "food for thought, was rather taken
back by the remark of friend "They
may contain food for thought, but it 10
wretchedly cooked. "-iStiti,oater San.
-Tams logic staggers ALSO Husband
e A. NJ, after a curtain lecture)-" Well,
all I've got to say is il you are a person of
such refinement and good breeding You
ought to be above talking to drunken fell
low at this time of the night Birmingham
O,ol.
-Basely nbeled: ''Reach me down that
Webster, Pat" said one of our lately-elected
Judges to his clerk. Zone of thin thaiving
newspapers has been hbelling me and, be
fhocfSt WoA lnS tuhN1uS
guard calls me forensic light. Son Fran
cisco Neaos Letter.
"A frank admission: "Pd have you to
know" exclaimed Brown, "that I've
mind of my own" I'm sure it does you
much credit to acknowledge it, remarked
Fogg, at would have been cruel to
accuse anyone else with being the owner of
it"-Bostoa Transcript.
An absent-minded man LEND me
Ave dollars left my poeket-book at home,"
said E. NJ. Sawyers to L. J. Meyers, the lat
Ter being a man OF means "But you are
always forgetting your pocket-book Saw
yers, replied Meyers. We'll, might just
As we'll forget it; there is never anything in
It." retorted sawyers, candidly - Teras Sifs-
iaas.
One year after the elopement: Miss
Miller, of Ferris, Texas, chloroformed her
fathers dogs aud eloped with the young
man whom her father had forbidden the
premises. The probabilities are that about
year hence she will conclude that her life
would have been less miserable II she had
shloroformed the young man and eloped
with her fathers dogs.
No aid wanted: A woman recently sp.
piled for State aid and the blank was pro-
duced aud the usual questions asked she
answered them freely until 1t came to " Your
age3" Have got to tell that p she ask
ed. 1.-THE blank requires ii, maam," was
he reply. :" Well, them" she said, II don't
Rant any State aid" and she hounced ont of
she office in high dudgeon. Boston Tran
seript
"A born writer: "Charlie," remarked
Fogg, "you were born to be w-iter'
"Ah." replied Charlie, blushing slightly to
compliment, lyon have seen some Of
things have turned of 2" NO" snid
i'ogg Il wasn't referring to what You had
written; Was simply thinking what
splendid ear you had for carrying II pen,
Immense, Charlie simply immense
ton Transcript.
--Extavagant boys "Yaas," exclaimed
honest old Johann Kartotfelsalad, "yrng
beebles hat got into extravaguut noshuns
Ven vos yung rote on blame foolishness
gap baper. Now my poys rites on schmal
golt.edge little schraps, vot gost dive times
so mooch as pig foolshuess gap, ind don't
give you quarter so mooch room for ritin' as
dot good, ol-fashun foolishness gap."-Bnn
iagton Hd'cktye.
An amended simile; He had very
rubicund face, suggestive of n dissipated
life. AS he was walking up the street a
gentleman remarked: "That fellow is so
highly colored that he reminds me of a
chrome" " He reminds me more of an en-.
craving than chromo," remarked by
stander How so ?" well yon see, an
engraving always has glass IL front of it
aud chrome hasn't teas SVIings.
Why Dumpsey missed the rabbit:
Dumpsey went hunting the other day and
took Johnny with him. They saw a rabbit,
and Dumpsey drew up and shot. The sap
exploded and there was long splutter, and
finally, just MS Dumpsey took the gun down,
the charge went off. When they got home
the folks asked Johnny what luck they had
had. "Oh," said Johnny, papa saw a
rabbit, but his gun stammered SO he couldn"
hit it."-Burlington Free Press