National Republican., 1883-07-17

DdHu Nbu ~ hIo ohONCi lnul, says the New NOrk
Commgeid, is more demoralizing game than
poker
THE queen of confidence women, who was
recently arrested in Patterson, says sho delights
in swindling silly fools, because IL ministers 10 her
"intcllectual pride" She must have been edu-
Gated IN Boston.
Prof. HUXLEY told London audience
that he had seen a moving mountain Of Goldfish
1870 feet high, and which contained 120O00,0O0 fish
If this is fact. ten cents for two codfsh balls IL
too much. Post Express.
The man who will not pay ton cents at a
dime museum TO sec some OF the soil from the field
in which Nebuchudnezsar ate grass like an OK, is
either very close in money matters doesn't care
much for the quaint queer, and curious.
THE dying Mrs Swift, of Rochester, Mich,
desired to see her daughter married, but the
bridegroom could not be brought in time
| Therefore, us coming nearest to her wish that
| was possible, the wedding was held in her dead
presence
did you stop at the plumbers this morn
| ing ?" she asked; THAT water pipo ought to be
repaired right away" "Yes," he said. "but no.
ticed u sign in his window, Houses for sale and
rent" and have made up my mind TO tackle the
| job myself"
THE man who said truth crushed to earth
will rise again." was careful not to commit him
would take place. There's al great deal Of crushed
truth" lying about, and hearty efforts are being
| made to keep IL down.
In China the groom mover sees the face Of
his bride until he is married TO her When lover
kisses his inamoraia heshuts his eyes, otherwise he
| never would kiss her, says the Boston Transcript
| man, who judges only by the pictures that the
heathen Chinese artists have given us Of their
women.
"THERE would be less sickness at certain
! summer resort hotels" says the Philadelphia
| NelCS, If people, instead of entering by tho from
door should enter at the buck" Yes, and ther
would be less sickness" among landlords 3
some people should leave by the front instead o
| by the back door.
| SOMEBODY put small mud turtle, about
| the size of silver dollar, in bed ut n New Jer-
| scy hotel and the stranger who assigned to
that room, OH preparing to retire. caught sight Of
! it, He at once resumed his clothes, remarking:
| IL exp, cted to have pretty lively night of it,
but If they're as big as that don't propose to get
| in with EN-"
RECENTLY, while stocks were selling at
upish figures, woman who visited Schulz's
market was asked what she wished She replied,
Let me look at the stock quotations first" Anor
| ganclng over them a moment she remarked,
| well. you may send the incest roast you have to
! the house" On Saturday last she again visited
the market, and after looking over the list she
ordered soup bone.-Carson AppeuL. q
"I WISH 1 was on desert island" ex-
claimed Mrs, A., who had been annoyed by gog'
siping neighbors, 81 wish was on desert
| land where there wouldn't be anybody TO ii
about YOU" "But, my DEAR" replied Mr.i
| "you must remember there wouldn't be anyh
to talk about, either" Mrs A. said she ha
thought of that and concluded that DESERT
and might not be 80 pleasant, after all.
A BALTIMoRIAN has cage of monke3
BY way OF variety he put cat in with tho
| much TO their delight. on taking II out the otN
day there was q terrible bowling on both sidv
The cat refused to eat and the monkeys sat lic&
ing the tears out of each others eyes for days.
| Finally the cat was put back, and then there was
great JOY. 1t licked all the little monkeys, and
the big ones took turns In hugging 1t until It's
ton que stuck out
ONE of the best evidences of prosperity is
the large number OF marriages There are thou
sands more who should seize the golden oppor-
tuniy and begin to live. When II man passes the
| thlrtieth mile post and has loved no good woman,
he has lost his best chances of life for happiness
and the sooner he calls halt aud thinks it over
tho better. II is all nonsense for strong, he althy
man to say he cannot keopa wife. Such Is the
language OF u coward or roue.-Chic0go Inter
Ocean.
n NEW 1Okh SCUOOl ma lI1 complains JnaL
too much favoritsm is shown by the school trus-
ices. She says that pretty teachers are promoted
to the exclusion of their palmer sisters, although
the latter may be more intelligent. Twas ever
thus, The pretty teacher Is also frequently pro-
NOTED to the position Of wife, 70 the exclusion of
the homely teachers, and about Il year after mar
riage she wishes she were single and teaching the
fourth class in tho primary experimentation
toiGn Herald
THoUGH within tho last l03 years the
world has undergone many changes the winning
post of the Derby stood In l7S0-when Sir Charles
Bunbcrry's Diomed was tho first winner of Eng
} lands historic rsce-precisely where It stood OH
Derby day. 1883 In the former time George
, Prince of Wales. looked on with Richard, first
Earl Grosvenor, by his side; and Mt the latter
another Prince Of Wales, Albert Edward, with
Lord Grosvonors grandson, the first Duke Of West
minister, by his side.
WOMAN is just too awfu lily lovely In newly
/, laun dered Wamsutta and lawn, when fresh from
close communion with toilet soap and IL crystal
watery bath. She has the rlpe-peach fragrance of
paradise and the breath of the cape jasmine of
tho tropical empyrean. When fellow passes 10
the windward of a lovely woman who is filling
> the air with sweetness and purity as she trips
gracefully along, he decatey shifts the air for an
, hour, MS II he had got snatch Of heavenly per-
fume and was trying TO WOO another Whit over
the celestial battlements. God bless tho womeu
II there were none on earth baldheaded mon and
babies would he awfuly scarce, and courting
would lose more than half its aaVor.-BoWlin0
Green Gazette.
Now and then the true goodness of human
nature is shown even in street car Tho other
day feeble old man, neatly dressed but evidently
, poor, ontereda Third avenue surface car In New
York. When the conductor asked him for his fire,
. the old man felt in his pocket, aud look Of dis
may came over his face when he discovered that
4 he had no money, He explained to the conduc-
= TOR that he must have lost IT, and begged 10 be al
O lowed to ride as he was very tired and had some
q distance TO go. The conductor, however was OBJ.
durate, and was on the point OF ejecting him,
when a richly dressed lady arose from her seat
and said IF no one else will pay this old mans
4 fare, will" Aud she did, while the men in tho
r cor looked shame faced and hid themselves be-
= hind their newspapers,
a THE chief cook of the Marquis dc Tamisier
II recently heard cry in the leafy solitude of Bou
d logne wood, and upon going thither found q
n baby In costly cradle, almost smothered in the
finest of lace BY It's side was sealed envelope,
containing letter which read as follows: who
s. ever you may be who finds this child bring 1t up
d tenderly aud In the path OF duty, and not only
a will you bo rewarded by your conscience, but
Il practically Never win l abandon you l shall
watch over you us you watch over her, and when
! she has attained her majority you will receive .
u fortune Then, If God aud men permit win re