davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1883-04-20

THE Grand Forks News is in luck. 1t
has worked up good libel suit which is
now well under way. OF course, there is
yet danger that it may be withdrawn, but
the probabilities are that it will go on and
be success-that is, success to the
publisher.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1883-04-20

Ur to the time of going to press our new
electrotyped heading, ordered from Mil
w:ukee, failed to put in IN appearance.
The PIONEER EXPRESS had hoped to make
its first bow in good shape. 1t therefore
feels somewhat abaslled not being able
this week to wear tho, head dress it ex-
pected.
Since writing the above our new cap
ton has come to hand, and We use it
for the last half of the edition.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1883-04-20


!,sl .l!ll
|sls l$3 Y.
ssss
s I'll
~ Y
NJ
). ~
: .------- - # ---:---------
PIT. Oh 1000
~ ~, AOsOC.
- -.
TRY c. n. Strong. H.,,,u,.re ..o.. g..
- =. '''''' ''A0 camping outnts'
The Emerson traf1c hr;doa v,. o,onoa
to tho puhlic nn s.tr,d.. 60
noon last amid general re;o;c;no
The First Missionaries" will be the
Rev. w. Ewings subject next Sunday
MEasRs Ed. and Mack Cavileer and
Al. Murrel duckhunting went this
week. At last accounts they had bagped
over hundred.
:. 60
Ms henry MASON Is TO be congratu-
'a.ea ON nls matrimonial venture. We
y wish tae nspPy couple q life OF hap
pneee anu prosperity.
Tur ;oo ~ pad p;....:,
10 ~. lnosl's uo"n s'leam. Inc water
nas .,sen ~ wlthin ten 1eet OF the bank.
49, "''l i'os HAeiy rlse more tnan two or
'"iee teet no'e'
@Rpo H,rv,,.,nn,, :.
tomove n .Nooha 49, rsp".ns
in a fa,y wools - o,.,-.o.o Az, -"
ton Of a new naner ~ he I os,,pd ~ 49,
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12

me, fur I've bin thar myself. The boss
| bet on was losin' ground, and | tried to
climb stump to swing my hat and en-
courage him. That let the crowd in be-
tween me and Hammer, and fust | knew
| could not find her
How old is your wife, asked the
officer.
about twenty-five" replied the old
man, as the red came into his face. She
is my third wife, you see; and mebbe |
was leetle foolish"
did she have any voung lovers -
''Piles OF EN-.
"Were any of them al the State Fair
Il believe | saw two or lhee
"Old man, said the officer, alter a
long pause, . want /" ask }ou 4 que $.
"Nn. sir, | won't be unified at any
thing you ask
suppose now that your wife had-had
That is to say. suppose
by gum. ~ exclaimed the old man, as
he shut up his jack knife, II believe |
ketch your meaning. Ii Hammer as
played me that trick on me somebody'll
git shot
'That's only my theory unused the
officer. 'Perhaps she loves you, and
wouldn't think of eloping.'
81 dunno about that dunno. | gave
her a hundred and twenty acres of mig hty
nice land before she'd have me. What
shall do9 feel as if stood on hot
gridiron.'
Take one more look around the
grounds, and I'll see you at the grand
stand in an hour.
The old man hunted eff at canter
and when the hour was up the officer
walked down to the stand There Il.
70 md cross eyed, l"p >houlGercd We
man sitting on the fercr, with her No.
feet displayed t" the gaze of tho u>antS.
Beside her was the Old man. When ht
saw the officer he got dowr, and shaking
bands, whispered:
That her. and she never thought of
elopin'.''
The officer looked the young man
over from head to foot, and was turning
away, when the old man whispered:
81 kin see them there eyes, and that
shoulder jist as plain as You kin, hut I'm
ne fool. Her mother is the only woman
in our county who kin weave rag carpet,
and her dad lent me two hundred dollars
without an ,ndorser. And say
"Ies.''
THE Land | Gin her had twelve ia,
titles and mortgage on it. See: he.
lick-whoop. I'm no chicken
And lie climbed up beside her. put his
arm around her waist, and yelled that ht
would back the ruan horse against the
fl Id
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12
The INCEST PILLS on EARTH
AXE
Dr. Simms Vegetable Liver Pills.

THE1 never grippe, sicken or weaken
Il in their operation, and hence they the
best Pills ever offered especially for aged people
They are splendid Liver cure and elegant pur-
gative medicine. They operate pleasantly and
mildly, but thoroughly and effcctually. They cure
Constipation COStiveneSS. Piles. Sick Head
ache. BiliouSness. Weak Bowels. Dizziness, Yer
tigu, Weak Nerves. all Liver Affections. general
aches over the SYSTEM they make better appetite,
and in Rheumatism. Neuralgia and Headache, in
connection with our celebrated PAIN SEARCH
Err. very speedy cure is obtained.
We have over 5000 references Of these Pills.
Elegantly sugar-cuatcd. Is cents box hve
boxes for 81. Sent 10y mail.
Principal Depot-F0urth and King streets, Wi,
mington. Del. Philadelphia Depot-6O2 Arch St.
Sold by dealers and at country stores. [Jan IS
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12

UAiI'~ VEGETABLE SICIIIAN HAIR
RENEwI:H i scientific combination
of some of the most powerful rcStora-
tive agents in the vegetable kingdom.
+ restores gray hair to its original
c0lcr. 1t makes the scalp white and
clean. 1t cures danlruli and humorS,
and fnllinm-oHt of the hair 1t furnishes
the nutritivr principle by which the
hair j. nouri>hcd and supported. 1t
makes the hair moist. soft and glossy,
and i unsurpassed is Il hair dressing
Ii is thu most economical preparations
ever offered 10 the public, rs It's effects
remain Il long time, making only an
occasional APPLICATION accessory. 1t Is
recommended and used by eminent
medical men. and officially endorsed by
he State A>>ayrr of Massachusetts,
The popularity of Halls Hair Remover
has increased with the test of many
Years. both i'll this country and in
tDrcinn lands. and il i now known and
used in all the civilized countries OF
Vac world.
For sale by Az dealers.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12
ORPHANS COURT.

vNIIE Stated Meeting of the Orphans
/ Court ~ Cecil county will he held on the
SECOND TUESDAY in every month. EXecu-
tors Administrators and Guardians. wanting
their accounts stated. will please bring i'll the
vouchers Il few days he'O Court.
II. d. MILLER.
AM lsS:N Rteisttr
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12
ON IHIR IY DAYS TRIAL

The Noltaic Belt Go Marshall, Mich, will
send DR.. Dyes Celebrated Electro Nultalc
Belts and Electric Appliances ON trial for
thirty days I" men (N"ung or old who are
afflicted with nervous debility, lost Vitality
and kindred troubles, guaranteeing speedy
and complete restoration of health and man
~ vigor. \d'lrtsS aS above. y. B.-No
risk Is incurred, as thirty days trial is al
lowed
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12
Choice Extra It's from Druggists

ave know the value of malt, hops, qui-
nine bark and asparagus composing Malt
Bitters.'
" Best kidne.. medicine on onr shelves.
sour lady customers highly praise them. -
Physicians prescribe them in this town. y
"The largest bottle aud hest medicine.
"Our best people take Malt Bt1ers.
Sure cure for chiIls and liver diseases
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12
Ills OPINION.
/ Gear Sentences an Authority adds his
....... La. IL, I,....,.l.,. I..I.....a..t

In Gear Sentences an Authority adds his
own 10 the Popular Judgment.
I9 West Ten Street.
NEW York. Aug. II. 1888.
VI ESSPS. sNEABURN X JOHNSON:
am slow to pin my faith to any curative
agent. BENSBN'S CAPCINE POROT- :
PLASTER has won my good opinion. l hnd il
an exceptionally clearly plaster to use and rdpiG
in its Gcti0a Many tests OF its qualities in my
own family. and among my patients. have con
WINGED me that there is no other single Article S'
valuanic Tor popular use. none so helpful in case,
of Lame Back. Local rheumatism Neuralgia
Congestion OF the Bronchial Tables and Lung,
and I.nmhago.
YOU may ieel free to us" my name.
Very truly yours,
IL. II. KANE NJ H..
rhysiciln-in-r chief OF the DE Quincy Home.
Price Of the CAFFEINE. -, cents.
ScaEury y Johnson. Chemists New IUrk
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12
Mothers Should Know it..

Fretful babies cannot help diStui bing
everybody, and mothers shuuld know how
500, hing l'arker'S Ginger Tonic is. 1t
stops babies pains, makes them healthy,
relieves their own anxiety and is sale to
use,
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-05-12
SALT RHEUti,
CUIiCuhA

and CUTICuHN SOAP externally and CrrICrRA
species o llumur. from Common u tuimplc
Scruiula. Price ol tUrICJKA. small boxes 5Oc.
large boxes. ~. tUTICi RI kl:~"LNENr. Fl per
hottie. CUrICUHA SOAR. %. G. IRA Sill ANING
SOAR. ljr. Sod 10y all druggists.
Depot. WEEKS y POTTER. Boston. Mass.
The bee., 1883-06-09
Where the RuIe Failed.

a gentleman was explaining to his
little boy the other day how it was that
the present century was called the
nineteenth instead OF the eighteenth
century. Now, said he, "your ninth
birthday occurred last month, so that
you are in your tenth year now. Don t
you see?'
Well, then" said the boy, anxious
to try it for himself, there's Aunt
Sally. She had her twenty-n;nth birth
day last winter, and now she must be
in her thir-"
mo, : interrupted the father, shak.
ing his head, mo, the rule doesn't
work there. When Aunt Sally passed
her twenty-niuth birthday she was ex-
atty TWENTY-FIVE wears old. You NAV
not see just now how this can be. but
YOU viii understand it later in life.
Now you can go ont and play bal" aud
the lesson in mathematics was sus-
pended indefnitely.-Cbqf.
The bee., 1883-06-09
was evidentthat nearly the same lengtb

III III =
was evident that nearly the same length
OF time had passed since the oak tree
began to grow around and to swallow
up, so to speak, the parasol. Stori OF
toads imbadded in nocks and trees ar5
by no means rare. They however, are
not as wonderful as the par asol story.
The toad has the power Of motion, and
we may assume, if we are sufficient y
reckless, that he sometimes slowly
bores his way into the heart of a tree
and then cunningiy closes up the hole
aft him. No, such con Ii ct can lie
pr dit ted OF larasol. Their can be
no doubt that the Elkton fossil para sol
was accidentally left in the fork of
an oak tree, and that its disappearance
from human view was caused by the
gradual growth of the tree. The most
wonderful featUre of the story is, how.
ever, the proof which it affords that
parasols existed on this continent west
of the Mississippi river before the
landing of Columbus. This is, indeed,
the most surprising piece of knowledge
which paleontolOgy-if parasol can
indeed claim place in paleontology-
has yet revealed to us. The existence
Of parasols implies the contemporary
existence of civilized girls. 1t need
not be argued that a parasol handle
implies parasol. Although the oak
tree has completely assimilated the
frame and the silk of the Elkton para
sol, leaving only the handle for our
edification, there is not the slightest
doubt that the frame and the silk
formerly existed. In its original and
complete state this parasol must
have been carried by a fashion
able young lady of highly
civilize1 race, and it is extremely
probable that she lost it in an oak
grove during Sunday school picnic.
1t is understood that the parasol han
die is to be given to General di Cesnola,
who will promptly restore, not only
the frame and the cover, but the
orig nal young woman who owned the
paraSoL Of course, he willn res ore
her in flesh and blood, for even his
skill does not extend so far, but he
will make an original statue of her so
closely Joined to the parasol handle
that no doubt will exist but that the
two were found together in the heart
OF the oak tree. 1t is a pity that th
story comes from the other bankof the
Mississippi. Sal as it may seem. trans
Mississippi journalists do not always
tell the truth. and there is a bare
pos jibility that the entire paraSol-
handle story is the invention of some
wicked editor who does not believe in
a future state-Nein York Times.
The bee., 1883-06-09
HUMOROUS SKETCHES.
The Insrirarnr.

I have warrant for your arrest, -
said a constable to the head cook in a
downtown oyster cellar.
i guess you are mistaken in your
man, sir" exclaimed the frightened
cook.
"Oh, no." said the officer, @I know
you"
"0f what am 1 charged?" said the
cook.
The charge is disorderly sonduct,
replied the oil or.
Il haven't been disorderly," tremu-
lousy remarked the cook. Il work
hard every day and have had no
trouble with anybody"
That's all right replied the con-
stable, /" but this is not the first report
that has come in against you. It is
asserted by all the neighbors that you
are the instigator of all the 'Broils
around this corner. Cart Pretzers
Weekly.
The bee., 1883-06-09
EraS Of Pantaloo: s.

"Can you remember the styles Of
pantaloons that have prevailed in this
country"
LET me see," said the tailor Eyes,
they are all before me in my minds
eye. There were the breecheS of the
period Immediately succeeding the
revolution. They were short, reaching
only to the knees, mostly made Of
cloth, buttoning a. the side. The
wealthy wore them of velvet, or
corduroy, as the fancy seized them, or
Of doe cloth. The first long pantalOons,
as have told you, were merely COM
Portable bags, and this was principally
due to the fact that they were home
spun-made by willing but unskillful
hands. The first improvement was
when they were SO altered in con-
struction as to button elsewhere than
at the side. Suspenders were not used
until comparatively recent times,
somewhere about 1910. l believe.
Distinctive styles in breecheS date
from the close of the war. Then
there came the garments tight at the
waist and 10 the knees, where they
bagged enormously, giving the appear
ance of swelled joints. The pockets
were called top pockets, and could
be reached only by pulling the vest up
to the chin. Later they were cut high
in the waist and medium in the legs.
This was a return to first principles.
The next trousers to achieve popularity
were those miserable tights They
fitted the neither eXtremities like eel
skins, and suddenly swelled to awful
proportions at the bottom. They were
the invention of a rowdy, and it was a
shame decent people ever wore them.
I'm glad they're gone. The hip
pockets came into fashion along with
the tights Young hloods fain would
carry pistols, and, it being found cum
bersome to add another pocket to the
coat, the inoffensive breeehes were
subject to the gross imposition. At
first the buttons of these garments
were made of bone, then of rubber,
later of metal, and now of metal in
the shape of rivets, that decay only
wheT the breeches themselves become
deceased. The present styles are
elegant and a decided advance on any
that have preceded. Tie trousers of
to-day is as complete an institution as
can be wished for. There are well
contrived receSses for the watch. the
pistol, keys, knife, comb, handkerchief,
pocketbook; in short, everything that
the most fastidious man could desire
to have about him. The only thing
left for man to do is to learn how to
wear breeches. Tall, slim men, with
spider legs, should wear close, but not
tight-ftting, garments fat men look
best in tight pantaloons /; swells wear
stripes gamblers. plaids; Quakers.
quiet colors; ministers, plain black
cloth. Reporters glory in broadcloth,
much to the disgust of the tailors. -
Philadelphia Press.
The bee., 1883-06-09
A Monkey and Dog Time.

Moore had big fighting stump-tail
dog 10y the mare of Rattler, and one
day little Italian came along with an
organ and monkey, and as the crowd
gathered around, he asked the man if
his monkey could fight. "Oh, yes he
tight" said the Italian. "Will he
fight dog?" said Moore. "Oh, yes,
be fight dog--he whip dog quick" said
the Italian. Moore pulled out a five.
dollar bill, and said, al II bet you this
that I've got dog he can't whip
The little fellow covered it with an
other five, and the money was handed
over I'd Staaeh ller. and they went
through to the back yard, followed bv
half the folks in the little town. The g
lay the dog on the grass asleep, and at
the word the Italian tossed the monkey
upon him. In less thaa a jiifey the
little brute had his e9th and his claws
fastened like wise in the stump of
that dogs tail and was Screeching like
hyena. Tie dog gave but one as
tonIshed look behind aS he bounced to
his feet and made tracks for another
country. The monkey held on until
Rather sprang over ten-rail fence at
the back of the garden, when he sud-
denly quit his hold and sat on the top
rail and watched the dogs flight with
chatter of perfect satisfaction and
danced along the rail with delight. The
crowd was conyulsed They laughed
aud rOared and hOllered tumultuouSly.
all but old man Moore, whose
voice could be heard above
all others as he stood upon the fence
and shouted: Here, Rather; here
herel Here, Rattlel, here. Here,
Rather, herew But Rather wouldn't
hear. Batler ratified on and ON,
across field after field, until he got to
the woods and was gone from human
sight. The little Italian shouldered
his monkey afectionately, and walk
Ing up to Moore said "Your dog not
well to-day; maybe your dog gone off
to hunt rabbeet. Your dog no like
my monkey-he not aequaint. May
be ven / come again next year he come
back and fight SOME more. Ven you
look for him TO come back: 2" Moore
gave up the wager, but he asserted
solemnly that Rather would have
whipped the fight if he hadn't have
run. "The surprise, gentlemen, the
surprise was what done it" said he,
"for that dog has whipped wild cats
and bear and she wolf and every
dog in ten miles of Watlinsville."
And all that evening and away in the
night and early next morning an in
viting mournful voice could be heard
at the back Of the garden calling
"Rattler, here, Rattler. here" and
three days after man brou -ht Rat
tier home, but he had lost his integ-
rity. and never could be induced to
fight anything moTe.-BW Agp.
The bee., 1883-06-09
Blind Japanese .SIlampooers.

= On fine day one can scarcely walk
square in any Of the more thickly
populated districts of Toxic without
hearing the shrill whistle of the blind
shampooer, as with long stick in hand
he slowly feels his way, calling out
from time to time his fee for COM
plete shampoo. A system Of employ
ment for the blind so suited to their;
condition, affording, as it does, fair
profit and an abundance of healthful
exercise, indoor and out, certainly
deserves, at least, passing notice.
Shampooing, or, perhaps, more proper
ly speaking, massage, as practiced by:
these blind men (calIed amma), con-.
sists of gentle rubbing with the
palms of the hands of the surface of
the whole body, together with passive
exercise of the joints, and a slow
kneading of the superficial muscles,
more particularly those of the trunk
and extremities. The sensation to the
subject is usually very pleasant,
especially if submitted to after violent
or continued exertion, as after diff
cult climb or a long walk. Japanese
physicians recommend it in many dis
eases, also in convalescence from dis
eases in which there has been loss Of
power or wasting of the muscles
The skill and anatomical knowledge
sometimes acquired by these unfortu-
mates are truly wonderful
The bee., 1883-06-09
How Johnny Broke the News.

"Oh ! ma, ma" shrieked Johnny,
rushing into his mothers room. "a
man down the street knocked pa out
with an umbrella and broke three
ribs. He"
"What Three ribs 4? What will
become of us. Oh, my son. your poor
father will die. Here, John, run down
TO DT. Blanks and tell him to come up
Immediately with bandageS and all
those things. Mary, tell James to
bring the carriage Immediately. Dear
George, three ribs broken. how he must
suffer. It's awful. Thank heaven.
there's the carriage now. Doctor
coming soon, John. That's good. I'm
going to get your father, darling.
Good bye !"
What's the matter with map" said
John, as his mother drove off. "Seams
kinder worried. Guess I'll run across
TO Billie's and help him to dynamite
that cat. So long,
In the meanwhile his distracted
mother was Fastening to her husbands
ofiice, where, much to her surprise, she
found him attending to business as
usua. and as lively as a " critic"
Why, George" said she, Thought
you were hurt?"
"HurtP My, no. A crank hit me
with his umbrella, but fortunately ]
got it away from linn before he did
much damage. See, there it is. Three
ribs broke-why, what's the matter,
darling?"
Nothing, I'm going home to see
john" was all she said. She went,
and johnny remarked afterward that
be was " sawn."
The bee., 1883-06-09
The Prophet Houored In H'. Own Corntry,
Ey-n in Fis Own IIou~e

THE honest simple narrative of MRs 8. T. wHrpr
whQ at No.tff Williams St., Providence, RI:
Dr rnT the past six or seven vears nave been se.
verely afflicted with kidney disease causing intense
bacEaches dizziness and other severe pains through
M ody and limbs, rendering me so weak and pros
trate that at times il was impossible for me to do
any part of m housework. have had also hr,t-
tering of the heart and was terribly distressed for
breath. was very miserable, aud completely worn
out anc discouraged; I had no ambition to under
take to do anything and barely sufficient strength
to render existence desirable having failed To ind
any relief from the doctors Prescriptions At this
trying crisis friend persuaded ME to obtain bot.
tie OF Hunts Remedy, and now rejoice that fol.
lowed this friendly advice. for the Remedy acted
IKE charm In nv case. After had taken few
aoses my health began to improve; I felt better
every way. The 1uttering Of the heart the intens,
bacSaches. and terrible shortress of the breath
speedily disappeared. my strength and ambition
soon returned, and before had taken two BOTTLES Of
the henedy l WAS entirely WE'LL and able TO wash
and IRON and do nv homework Once in a while T
am troubled with the headache and as soon as am
taken resort to Hunts Remedy and a few doses
hx me all right. Ishal mover be without il in the
Iuture have frequently recommended the Hunts
Kennedy to my friends, and they have experienced
reieI from the first dose Ibcartily recommend is
TO all who are afflicted with kidney disease or dis
eases OF the Liver, Bladder or Urinary Organs. I
snlnE no family should be without it.
MRs s. J. WHIP,
No. III Williams ST., Proyidence p To
The bee., 1883-06-09
The American Trotter.

In "Science," W. H. Pickering
carrying out a suggestion made by
Prof. Brewer, of Yale, constructs the
curve of the progress of the trotting
horse in America, and finds that it will
cros7 the mile-in-two-minutes line
about the year 1901. He also deduces,
from statistics prepared by the same
authority. the conclusion that at the
date mentioned there will be not far
from 10000 horses in this country
which can trot mile in 2:3O or better.