davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
THE REASON FOR THE F4IrH THAT
ILLS N KTH

ILLS IN RTH
The Trustees Of a school once offered
prize TO the scholars in it for the best
composition. AL the boys were COM
pelied TO write, and We're allowed to
choose their own subjects. One bow
declared that he could not do it. He
could not think Of anything to write
about. Nevertheless, he ras Obliged to
become one of the unwilling compel
itors. When the day of trial came. he
read his composition, or rather part of
it, for he was not permitted to read it
all. lie began: my composition is
about spring. Spring will soon be here.
How do 1 know that? Because it came
last year, and the year before that, AMI
the year before that The grass will
soon grow green and the trees put forth
leaves. Because the grass grew green.
and the trees put forth leaves last year,
and the year before that, and the year
before that. And the little lambs will
come, and they'll gambol and play and
have a good time. How do 1 know that?
Because the little lambs gamboled last
year, and the year before that, and the
year before that, and the year before
that" "That will DO, Johnny" inter
rupted a Trustee, tired of the iteration,
and Johnny marched from the stage to
his seat, repeating, "Aud the year before
that, and the year before that" The
audience screamed with laughter, but
Johnny's composition did not gain the
prize.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
TIE YELLOWSTONE PARK.

The Yellowstone National Park ex-
tends sixty-fve miles north and south
and fifty-tive miles east and west, COM
prising 3,575 square miles, and is all
5000 feet or more above the sea-level.
Yellowstone lake, twenty miles by fif-
teen, has an altitude of 7,7SS feet. Thu
mountain ranges which hem in the
valleys on every side rise to the height
of 10000 to $4,000 feet, and are always
covered with snow. This great park,
says Mr.. Strahorn, contains the most
striking of mountains. gorges, falls,
rivers and lakes in the whole Yellow
stone region. The springs on GARDENERS
liver cover an area of about one square
mile, and three or four square miles
thereabout are occupied by the remains
OF springs which have ceased to flow.
The natural basins into which these
springs flow are from four to SIX feet in
diameter and from one to four feet in
depth. The principal ones are located
upon terraces midway up the sides of the
mountain The banks of the Yellowstone
river abound with rav1nes and canons,
which are carved out of the heart of the
mountains through the hardest rocks.
The most remarkable of these is the
canon of Tower creek and Column
mountain. The latter, which extends
along the eastern bank of the river for
upward of two miles, is said to resemble
the Giants Causeway. The canon of
Tower creek is about ten miles in length
and is so deep and gloomy that it is
called "The Devils Den." Where
Tower creek ends the Grand canon be-
gins. It is twenty miles in length,
impossible throughout, and inaccessible
at the waters edge except at few
points. Its rugged edges are from 200
TO 500 yards apart, and its depth is so
profound that no sound ever reaches the
ear from the bottom. The Grand canon
contains great multitude of hot springs
Of sulphur, sulphate of copper, alum,
etc. In the number and magnitude of
its hot springs and geysers, the Yellow
stone Park surpasses all the rest of the
world. There are probably fifty geysers
that throw a column of water to the
height of from so to 200 feet, and it is
stated that there are not fewer than
5 600 springs; there are two kinds,
those depositing lime and those deposit
ing silica. The temperature of the cal
cnreous springs is from 16O to ITO deg. =,
while that Of the others rises to 200 or
more. The principal collections are the
upper and lower geyser basins of the
Madison river and the calcareous springs
on Gardeners river. The great falls are
marvels to which adventurous travellers
have gone only to return and report that
they are parts of the wonders of this
new American wonderland.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
Il WHOPPER.

A citizen of our county tells the fol-
lowing as true fact: "He had choice
hen setting on nineteen eggs. One
morning, on paying the hen visit, he
found that she had left the nest, and he
soon perceived that large blacksnake
had curled itself within the nest. Upon
seeing this, the gentleman stepped back,
gathered stick and killed the snake.
Ga cutting off the head of the snake he
took it by the tail, shaking it over the
nest, the nineteen eggs dropping back
in the nest. The eggs being left in
the nest, the hen returned to her seat,
and in due time she had Matched eight
cen little chickens, said by those who
have seen them to be rare curiosities.
This popularity is noticed in the little
chickens. as being afraid of every stick
that they see, running back from a stick
in the greatest terror, uttering the cry
OF peve. Why is this fear-does stick
resemble snake? These little things
arc study for naturalists. and some
times truth is stranger than fiction. -
american Republican,.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
HE WOULDN'T HAVE lit.

A boy owned stalwart gander, and
he thought it would be good joke to
tie fish-line to the leg of the gander,
with hook properly baited, and watch
the result. So he fixed the gander with a
line on one leg about ten feet long, at the
end of which was pickerel hook and a
frog for bait. The gander was driven
into the mill-pond, where he swan
around for half an hour, turning flip
flaps and diving for food. Suddenly the
gander felt pull ut his leg, and he
looked as surprised as the "Lone Fish
erman when he caught whale. The
gander seemed to think there was some-
thing the matter with him, and he
looked down at his feet under the water
to see into it. The pickerel began to
yank, and the gander made up his mind
that he was not well and wanted to go
home. He started for the shore, but the
pickerel on the hook wanted to go the
other way, and it was nip and tuck for a
time. The gander, to those on shore
who were watching, seemed frightened,
and at times would act as though say
ing his prayers end asking for mercy,
and then he would get mad and try and
fly ashore, when the pickerel would pull
him back. They say it was fine study
to watch the expression of the features
of the gander. He seemed to realize
that change was about to come over
him, and, while he hoped for the best,
he seemed to be prepared for the worst.
After half an hour of the hardest work
lie had ever done the gander came
ashore and dragged a six-pound pickerel
up the bank, and the boys took off the
pickerel and put on another frog, and
tried to induce the gander to go and
take another swim, but he wouldn' t
have it. They couldn't drive him in.
He looked at them as he ran through
between their legs as though saying,
"Boys, this may be fun for you, but
you have crushed noble nature. Not
any more pickerel in mine, if you
please, " and he flew off toward the barn,
squa~king as though his heart would
b.vak. Since then the gander has never
cone into the water.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
THE BEST THE CHEAPEST.

In fit Of desperation, says CORES
pondeDt, went the other day down to
Chinatown, which is another name for
the lower end of Mott street, in search
OF servant. I went into one of the
groceries, and a grave and reverend
Chinaman, who looked as if he had the
"isdom Of the centuries and the con-
centrated cunning Of thousand foxes
twi- ted up in his pigtail, eyed me from
behind his round goggles, and asked me
my Grand.
. want a servant"
you want China boy?"
Eyes"
you want China boy for do cookee ?"
Yes, and anything else he's asked to
do
How much you give ?"
whatever is right"
That phrase seemed to please him.
Els eyes twinkled, and he continued:
ST get you China boy-you pay him
thirty dollar month"
"Too much"
You pay him thirty dollar month :?
Why not a? You pay Mclean girl fifteen
dollar month. One China boy worth
two Mclean girl. Mclean girl put hair
in pie. China boy no put hair in pie.
Mclean girl she make man come into
your house. China boy he no make
man come into your house. You pay
Mclean girl fifteen dollar month, she
eat twenty dollar month; you pay China
boy thirty dollar month, he eat four dol
lar month. You pay Mclean girl ff-
teen dollar month-and Mclean girl
boss. You pay China boy thirty dollar
month and you boss. You all glad pay
China boy thirty dollar month by and
by. China boy ask forty dollar then"
Old man" said sadly, "you are
right. It is worth SIS o month to be
boss in your own house, but 1 can't af-
lord the luxury" and turned away.
AS l lifted the latch OF the door the ami
mated old idol said oracularly:
You come again sometime, sure.
When all dishes broke you come back
for China boy. China boy cheap for
thirty dollar month. "-De%o1 Free
Press.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
URESTLING WITH SATIN,

"How wicked we am when we sot
down and fink it ober," said Brother
Gardner to the members of the Lime
Kiln Club. "While I keep tryin' to be-
Iieve in heaben, L keep wonderin' how
any OF us will eber git dar. We mus
not envy, an yit We do envy. We mus
not bar false witness, an yit we am for
cher stretchin' de truf. We mus not
lie, an yit it comes SO handy dat we
can't help it. We mus not steal. an
an some of us don't. Dat is, we doan'
get inter posishun to handle de funds.
We mus not be jealous, an yit when de
woman across de way, whose husband
Arms Sc per week, sails out wild fo' new
bonnets var, am it human natur' fur
my ole woman to look arter her an not
wish she had hold Of her back h'ar :? We
mus not sw'ar, an yit what am to do
when I strike the eend of sidewalk wild
my fut, or whack ny thumb wild de
hammer? Am it to be supposed dat I
will calmly sot down an sing a gospel
hymn?
"EThen we trade bosses wild man. we
cheat him. When man wants to tor-
row half dollar of us, we lie to him.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
Il JURY OF SIX.

"I hate to live in a new country"
said Jones, "where there is no law. I"
eyer bet yer" chimed in Thompson.
CLAW is the only thing that keeps us
out Of everlasting chaos" eyes, in
deed" said q legal gentleman present.
SO It IS the bulwark of the poor mans
liberty, the shield which the strong arm
OF justice throws over the weak, the So
lace and the balsam of the unfortunate
and wronged, the"
ooh, stop 'er," remarked the man
with one eye. 81 won't have it that way.
Law is a boss invention for rascals of all
grades. Give me a country where there
is no law and I can take care of myself
every time. Now, for instance, when
l lived in Ohio got dose of law that
L will never forget. I was in partner
ship with man named Butler, and one
morning we found our cashier missing
with $4,000. He had dragged the safe
and put out. Well, I started after him
and caught him in Chicago, where he
was splurging around on the money.
got him arrested, and there was an ex-
animation. Well, all the facts were
brought out, and the defense moved that
the case be dismissed, as the prosecution
did not make out case in the name OF
the firm, and that if there was firm
the copartnership had not been shown
by any evidence before the court. To
my establishment, the court said the
plea was o. K, and dismissed the case.
Before could realize what was up, the
thief had walked off. Well, I followed
him to st. Louis, and there I tackled
him again. sent for my partner, and
we made complete case, going for him
in the name of the Commonwealth and
Smith, Butler & Co. Well, the lawyer
for the defense claimed that the money
being taken from private drawer in the
safe was my money exclusively, and that
my partner had nothing to do with it :;
that the case should be prosecuted by
me individually, and not by the firm.
The old 'bloke' who sat on the bench
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
SIR GODFREY KNELLRRS DREAM,

Sir Godfrey Kneller, the celebrated
English painter, once related to Mr..
Pope dream. GA night or two ago."
said Sir Godfrey, "I had very odd
sort of dream. I dreamed that was
dead, and soon after found myself walk
ing up g narrow path that led up be-
tween two hills, rising pretty equally on
each side of it. Before me saw door
aud great number of people about it.
/ walked on toward them. AS I drew
near could distinguish st. Peter with
his keys, with some others of the Apos-
ties; they were admitting the people as
they came next the door. When l had
joined the company could see several
seats, every way, at little distance
within the door. AS the first, after my
coming up, approached for admittance,
St. Peter asked his name, and then his
religion. I am q Rom.n Catholic, re-
pied the spirit Go in then, says st.
Peter, and sit down there on those
seats on the right hand The next was
Presbyterian he was admitted, too,
after the usual questions, and ordered to
sit down on the seats opposite to the
other.
"My turn came next, and, as I ap-
preached, st. Peter very ciyilly asked
me my name. said it was Kneller. I
had no sooner said so than St. Luke,
who was standing just by, turned toward
me and said, with great deal of sweet
ness: What the famous Sir Godfrey
Kneller, from England?' THE same,
sir, says I, at your service On this
st. Luke Immediately drew near to me,
embraced me, and made me a great
many compliments on the art we had
both Of us followed in this world. He
entered so far into the subject that he
seemed almost TO have forgot the bust
ness for which came thither. At last,
however, he recollected himself. and
said, [ beg your pardon, Sir Godfrey;
l was so taken up with the pleasures of
conversing with you! But, apropos,
pray, sir, what religion may you be of?'
Why truly, sir, says I, L am of no re-
igion. ooh, sir says he, 'you will be
So good, then, as to go in and take your
seat where you please Manchester
Times.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
KNEE BREECHES.

We dovoutly hope that the above style
of garment will not become the proper
thing in dress. Nature has not spe-
cially designated us as the proper figure
to fill a pair of knee breeches, and an
all-wise Providence did not select us as
the man to wear a close-ftting ward
robe.
This is the only striking difference be-
tween ourselves and the lamented Wash
ington, deceased.
In the first place, it is moral impos-
sibility for us to maintain a friendly feel
ing and a close relation between our
knee breeches and stockings. A garter
that would be tight at the knee gener-
ally slides down over the concave
calf and hangs on the instep like the
interfering machine that a trotting
horse wears. The garter has always
been mystery, snare and delusion
to us. 1t does not match our complex.
ion.
Once we wore knee breeches and long
white stockings at a masquerade. Later
we took off our mask because it was hot
and uncomfortable, and because it was a
hollow mockery. When man has knee
Joint like the sheet-iron elbow of an old
fashioned stovepipe and calf like a lead
pencil, it is useless for him to mask his
face.
Knee brooches are made for men who
are aesthetic. and who walk good deal.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
PET SQUIRRELS AND THEIR WAYS

PET SQUIRRELS AND THEIR WAYS
Some time ago Bennington man set
up private geological establishment in
an unoccupied upper room of his house.
He had bouncing big gray squirrel,
a tiny dog weighing two and half
pounds, some half-grown cats, a screech
owl and several robins. He turned
them loose in the room and they lived
peaceably together for some months.
One day the man went up to the room
to feed his pets. He found the robins
in fragments, wing here and leg
there. The owl was dead and his feath-
ers were strewn over the floor; the dog
was shiyering IN one corner of the room,
and the eats had crawled under a low
bench. The squirrel was complete mas
ter OF the premises. More recently the
same gentleman had a pair of gray
squirrels, which he had kept in a cage.
To give them more liberty he took them
to an upper room, opened the cage and
left them alone. In few hours he went
up again and found that they had de-
stroyed the sash of the four windows Of
the room by chipping off the "parting
strips" clear down to the glass, some of
the splinters being six inches long. An
other Bennington man was chopping
wood on Mount Anthony. He cut down
a dead stump, which crumbled when it
struck the ground, and exposed six fly
ing-squirrels that were stunned by the
shock. In half minute he had them
in his dinner pail. He sold pair of
them to neighbor, who put them in a
bird cage. The next morning they were
gone; they had squeezed through the
wires in some way. He bought another
pair and put them in e stronger cage,
and he was as successful as Peter. the
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23

wiped his spectacIes, grunted round
while, and dismissed the case. Away
goes the man again. Then got another
hitch on him and tried to convict him
of theft, but the court held that he
should be charged with embezzlement.
Some years after, tackled him again,
and they let him go. Statutes of limi-
tation, you see. Statutes OF limitation,
you see. Well, 1 concluded to give
it up, and did.
"But about four years afterward was
down in Colorado and man pointed to
another and said: sThat fellow has lust
made hundred thousand in mining
swindle.' looked, and it was my old
cashier. I followed him to the hotel
and nailed him in his room with the
money. Now I says, Billy, do you
recognize your old boss?' aud of course
he did. Says I: Bill, want that three
thousand you stole from me, with the
interest, and all legal and travelling ex-
penses.'
"Ah, you do?' says he; didn't the
courts decide that
"' Curse the courts, says I, putting a
six-shooter foot long under his nose.
This is the sort of legal document that
I'm travelin' on now. This is the COM
plant. warrant, Indictment, Judge, jury,
verdict and sentence, all combined, and
the firm of Colt & Co., New Haven, are
my attorneys in the case. When they
speak they talk straight to the point of
your mug, you bloody larceny thief.
This jury Of six, Of which I am foreman.
is liable to be discharged at any moment.
No technicality or statutes of limitations
here. and stay of proceedings won't
last over four seconds. [ want $4,000
to square my bill, or I'll blow your
blasted brains out Well, he passed
over the money right away, and said he
hoped there'd be no hard feelings. Now.
there's some Colorado law for you, and
its the kind for me! Eth, boys?" And
the crowd, With one accord, concurred
in the cheapness and efficacy of the plan
by which man could carry his court on
bis hip, instead of appealing to the
blind goddess in Chicago and st. Louis.
Sat Lake Tribune.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
PARTING FRIENDS.

Thirty-fve years ago, employed by
the Government in hewing timber in the
vast oak forests of Maine, was company
of men at work, among them being one
Pat McGlarkin and Jimmy Magee,
both fast friends. Jimmy took fever.
and Pat, learning that his friend was
given up by the doctors, paid him part
ing visit to hear his last words before
shutting off this mortal coil, when the
following colloquy ensued:
Pat" Well, Jaimy, I understand the
doctors have given ye up"
Jim-"Yis, Pat, it is most over wild
me-"
Pat CATER pause)--" Well, we've not
been great sinner; yell go to the good
place"
jim" Oh, yis, Pat. To be shure 1
sthole bit of the Government timber
Pat (taking Jimmy's hand and assum-
ing diplomatic air." Well, farewell
to ye. When We reaches the good place
tell them ye are well acquainted wild Pat
%lcGlarkin."
Here Pat started for the door, but, as
if suddenly recollecting Jimmy's dishon-
;.s'y III stealing the Government timber,
Ia, wheeled around to his friend and Sc
uru.,ly and earnestly exclaimed:
But, Jaimy, if anything happens to
Sc that We should go to the other place,
ll,Nt tell them that we don't know dlvil
;: Il word about me!'
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
REPUTATION.

A mans reputation, like his coat, may
be soiled without touching the man
himself, since the reputation is not the
character, any more than the sleeve is
the arm it envelopes. The character can
be soiled only by what the man himself
does, while the reputat may have
mud thrown upon it by any wretch I'M
manly enough to want to iniure the
standing of another. We are to sec
that our motives are pure, our princi-
pies honorable, and our outward life
governed by them. and to go about our
duty calmly, confident that in the end
they who unjustiy seek to iniure us will
do us no harm.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
4PH4STA.

In the latter part of his life Mr.. En-
erson was afflicted with aphasia-a
paralysis Of the nerves or brain-cells, on
which depends the power to control the
speech. Everybody is familiar with the
difficulty, for everybody knows at times
what it is to valnly try to utter some
familiar word Or name. In Emerson's
case it was mainly an impossibility of
speaking persons names. He knew tho
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-23
A GREAT many of the old fish stories

A GREAT many of the old fish stories
are not true. Here is a new one: A
hollow log drawn from Michigan river,
son being sawed through the center,
revealed fourteen black bass and one
bullhead, which Topped out of their hid
ing place. The fish were SO large as to
lead to the belief that they found
their way into the log through small
hole, and afterward grew so much that
they could not get out. "-Picayune.