The Labor enquirer., 1883-01-06
PLAIN TALK.
An Imaginary but Truthful Dia-
lOgue ~ ..I
arguments Of philosophy ane

. logue. N@.~n.
< Labor-Uncle Sam, will you protect.
me from the competition of cheap
home prison and foreign pauper labor?.
Uncle, Sam-No, sir; this is free
country the asylum for the oppressed
of all lands. All men are created free
and equal, and entitled to the same"
rights and privileges. You must be
content to share the common lot Of
earth's toilers. b
Monopoly-Uncle Sam will YOU
please protect the vast capitals [ have
invested in manufacturing, from the,
competition Of the products of foreign
pauper labor?
U. S.-Most certainly / will. Your
capital is entitled to protection. l will
tax sugar consumers for the benefit Of
your great reineries. | will tax the
sick and afflicted to protect your vast
patent medicine and quinine laborato-
ries. I will tax labor to protect your
great cotton and woolen mills, and I
will tax everybody to protect your
forges and smelling works. Yes, Sir.
[ will cheerfully protect the rich, for
the poor have nothing worthy of
protection.
Labor-Most august Uncle Sam you
have all immense bowling Wilderness
where the liget of civilization has.
never penetrated loan me $50, 600, ,O00
Of your legal-tender notes, and [ will
develop 100000 new farms, make,
your wilderness blossom as the rose,
add billions to the wealth and taxable
property of your domain and in ten
years refund you the last cent.
U. S.-Preposterous Never heard
of so wild proposition. Can't think
of it sir. You must be a crank. Go
to work and earn your money.
Monopoly-Uncle, if you will give
me outright $5O0,O0O,OOO Of your real
estate, aud cash subsidy Of $65, 900, 900
to build Pacific railroad, let me own
the road when completed, and all [
can make out Of the poor devils who
'patronize it, will undertake the job.
= U. S.-Ah-ha! Now you talk bust
ness. Of course I will do it, and
besides I will exempt your lands from
taxation while you hold them for a.
rise, and make that shiftless cuss,
Labor, pay your tax as we'll as his own.
You can have anything you want
with all the necessary legislation
thrown in.
Labor-Uncle Sam, have nothing.
but my hands with which to support
myself and family and defray the ex-l
penses of government. I need more
and better tools. I have only the old
English patterns and not sufficient of
those. think you would be doing
humanity and civilization good SER
vice by supplying ME with improved
tools in exchange, SO that 4 may
employ fully my entire force and
receive just and liberal compensation.
U. S.-What do you know about
such matters? You talk like a lunatic.
If you haven't tools enough, earn
them.
,Monopoly-One more favor, Uncle
Sam. Give me your bond for $4O0,0 ,00O,
900 on twenty years time, drawing six
per cent interest, and will give YOU
that amount of money, provided you
will reloan to me $780, 00OO,000 oft on
the same time, at one per cent, and
allow me to draw six per cent on the. .
whole amount of the bond.
U.S.-Splendid scheme! You are.
brick. The government was made
for just such enterpfising men as you. 4
OF course / will do it; and more, I will,
renew the contract after it expires
and further, won't ALLOW your. bond
or your money to be talked a penny
anu sun " rther, you may become my
depository, and speculate out Of I'D
IIleece the bublic on my surplus g hi
20 any extent the traffic will beaf
4 h IA M11lo:nopoly-The. public be dan y.
chicago Express.