The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1883-02-14

FLOATING FANCIEs.
mo, sir,h said the passenger to the
ships doctor, Pm not seasick, but I
am deucedly disgusted with the motion
of the vessel"
A daily chicken train has been started
on the Pennsylvania railroad. They
have a passenger Cochin the rear and a
locomotive to pullet.
A Vassar college miss reads the prayer
book response thus: LAS it was in the
beginning, is now, and ever shall be,
world without men. All me!!n
A bald-headed man who had heard
that the hairs on a mans head are num-
bered, wants to know if there is not
some place where he can obtain the
back numbers.
That young lady who made 700 words
out of the Conservatory last fall has
run away from home. Her mother
wanted her to make three loaves of
bread out of flour"
A Chicago merchant advertised "Boy
Wanted,'' and before he got down town
his clerk met him, breathless, and told
him that his wife had twin boys. Oh,
it pays to advertise!
When a lady who has been taking
music lessons for the past eight years
hangs back and bushes and says she
really can't play, don't insist on it. The
chances are that she can't.
In making Christmas presents always
choose a useful gift. An admission
ticket to an asylum for idiots would be
useful to the average fresh young cigar
cite smoker. Send him one.
A Chicago man offers a reward of $40
for the return Of his umbrella, and, Of
course, the religious enthusiast who
carried it away from prayer meeting is
not going to give himself away for that
money.
A Philadelphia youth who has been
to the Hub tells us that the intelleetuali-
ty of the Boston girl begins at the break
to bed. After that, if the right fellow is
in the parlor, and the light is turned
low, she acts like any other girl.
A south end man has taught his dog,
when offered sausage, to smell of it and
then turn away with a mournful howl,
and when he goes into 4 butchers shop
where there are . lot Of folks, offers the
dog a sausage and the dog does the act,
IL - 1tAflUI SIIIOdI idSSIIIS l01 IltC DutIIlpls
and if he gets a chance he kicks the dog.
Eyes, SIR, he said that's an awful
knowing bulldog O mine. He was jam
full of fieas, and he got sick o. wrench
in his spine and the cords of his neck
reaching around to gnaW 'em; and be-
sides he was rather tired Of the taste of
himself. What did he do? Went out,
sir, and got into a fight with another dog
o1,J ~ 43~a4 Ioo DO AZ ~y,c x..a - fo-,
him. Mighty intelligent dog, sir.
A snow storm in Atlanta, Ga, is so
rare a thing that when it does come the
reporter Of the local paper feels it neces-
sary to say: "A snow storm sent its
beautiful peltings OF Atlanta on Friday
highland Saturday. The flakes seemed
like atoms Of a shattered gate Of heaven
as they beautifully hoated everywhere
or %straddling the g%entlest of breezes
bounded away like the soul of mirth
through measures Of sprightly rounde-
lay
Mrs. Fitz Nickle aspires to be as fash
ionable as any of her ''sWell" neighbors.
She was telling a lady visitor the other
morning that she had just engaged a
very efficient, experienced and high
priced French cook. While her friend
WAS cOngTalulaIIg HeI upon Hei new
acquisition, the French cook inserted
her head within the doorway and asked:
"Shure, missus, an shall | pale the
praties, or bile 'em with their jackets
on?n
The editor of the Kansas City journal
is a wanderer on the face of the earth.
Only last week he was a man respected
by all, and in receipt of a princely in
come. To-day he is, no one knows
where. In his paper last week, is a de-
scription of the toilets worn by. ladies at
the bazaar of all nations, he said Miss So
and-so had on a pink "undershirt, :
when it should have been underskirt.
The girl bought a revolver and started
out one way looking for the editor, her
brother took a shot gun, her father took
an axe, and her lover armed himself
with a horsewhip, and the editor took a
shawl strap with a linen ulster in it and
swan the river, and is supposed to be in
the foothills existing on roots and briers.
A Montana Lover.