Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1883-04-19
Wit and Hum0r.

A sound suggestion-nsyer turn
deaf ear to the telephone.
Why is shoe like house girl? Be-
cause it is made of awl work.
The man who was cured by mes
nerist says he was trance-h1ed.
IL you should happen to want your
ears pierced, just pinch the baby.
1t is the young girl of engaging man
ners who naturally becomes engaged
first.
@Pn a matron of husbandry," said
the widow, as she made her fourth coup
ling.
Nobody wishes the baby stolen, still it
is a relief when the nurse cribs it at
night.
Funny. isn't it, that you always see
the night-fall before any stars. begin 70
shoot.
This is the weigh long have sought,
said the man who got full weight IN
ton of coal.
Call me thine own,' she warbled; but
he said he didn't think he could do 1t on
seven spot high.
When Adolphus placed his arms round
Ll6 neck VI AuBOlluCs uO ooiU AZ " - ASA
necks press purpose.
1T is the little bits oy things that
fret and worry u.s." says Josh Billings;
1--WE kan dodge an elephant, but we
kant fly"
An enterprisiRg reporter, writing OF
wreck at sea, stated that no less tnan
fourteen of the unfortunate crew and
passengers bit the dust.
How is il that you, healthy, robut
woman, come to ask for alms? Il oeg
pardon, madam, but am poor widow
with FIVE or six children"
Sloughterby says his wife hasn't done
very much shopping this year, although
she did go down the other day to buy
muff, Just to keep her hand in
Pa, is it right to call man born in
Poland Pole? OF course, my child.
well. then, il man is born in Holland
is he Hole?' Tut, tut, I'll answer no
more of your silly questions.
"Home, Sweet Home" was recently
played in New York, and distinctly
heard by telephone in Chicago. Now
Workers are now engaged in listening
to the fairy tread of Chicago-girls feet
by the same instrument.
A man who was arrested for cruelty
to a miserable looking horse was asked
IL he ever fed him. Ever fed him
That's good 'un," was the reply. Hes
90. bushel and half Of oats at home
now, only he amt got time to eat EN-.
Dear mel" cried Mrs. Blossom, as she
laid down the paper, sit does seem to
me AS if those state militia fellows are
always in trouble. Here's an account
of a recent inspection where the compa-
nv turned out SO men. Too bad, amt
it?"
When DR.. II. and Lawyer A. we're
walking arm and arm, wag said to q
friend: -"Those two are just equal to one
biphwayman." why" asked his friend.
because" rejoined the wag, cit is
lawyer and a dOctOr-your money OF
your lifer'
Bridget: "And how much the pale
Young lady that sat mkt the military
gintleman resembled her fatherl" Den
mis-: "Indade it's meself that remarked
that same to- Mary. L should have known
she was his daughter if I'd niver laid
eyes on him"
You are on the wrong tack, said the
pilots wife, when the hardy son OF the
ioud-sounding sea sat down on 1t and
arose with the usual exclamations. No,
he replied after critical examination
: Pm on the right tack. but shoot me
dead il amt on the wrong end OF IT.
- A AWesterner, who greatly admired
the proficiency attained by the man IN
charge of the bathroom in New York
hotel, whereby moro than 200 hats were
handed to the different guests without
a mistake; asked the man how he knew
the hat just returned was his. "Wsll
sah," was the brisk response, II couldn't
swar dat de hat was yOurn, sab. l only
kaows it was de hat you guv me.
A hard-hearted landlord approached
his tenent and demanded the rent ano
informed him that, unless 1t was pait
him idstantly, he would throw him out
"Vat?" said the tenant. "Unless yol
pay me at once, will throw you out,
said the landlord. "Vell," said the ten
ant, t,"Ivill pay der day pehind yister-
day." THAT won't do, sir. You mus
pay now, or l will take the necessar,
steps" "Oh! vell." said the tenant, "g'
nnd take der steps, und der front doc
or de necessary steps in de rear of yel
wants. DOTS all right