davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14
A Safe Game.

The Arkansa. judge, as a support
er Of the law, knows nnthing but the
discharge of his duty, or rather what
he considers his duty. He is never
Influenced, unless the pressure bs
great. The other day = negro charged
with misdsmesnor was taken before
rural judge, who, after hsar.ng tho
testimony. said: II shall hsvs to
fine him to the full extent of my
Gnsncial jarisdictioa. I shall make
an example Of him and send him to
jail"
"Jsigs. ustsr work at yer houss.
didn't r.
"Yes, brit you needn't attempt any
sympathy game OF me-"
i ain'ter gwine ter ak fur no SYM
pathy as yer cslls it. an yer needn't
skeer yersslf Ysrse'f 10 big MAJ
in de church an is hill up as de zam-
pie oh good husband, but l ulster
wolk ut yer house, an ef yer plsstera
one OBJ dem fines on me I'll proos
mate some mighty dlsagreeable news
in dis neighborL ood. Jss 20 ahead,
sab, an send me ter Jail, but on de
road dar, If dosn mulgste some
'telligepce bout yersef, sah--suthin
what l diskiver.d while l was work
10 at yer house-dat'll make de folks
stan aroun' an AZ tor mo-
Get out of this cour ROOM" de.
msnded the .dge, "anl if l catch
you here again, it won't be good for
ycu. Mr.. Officer, let the scoundrel
proceed"
"Has ho paid his fine, your Honor
paid nothing. he was never
known to pay anything
"Whst was de facts dat yer had on
de jedge?' asked an acqu intsnce
when the "prisoner" left the room.
"Nothin. Doar know thing agin
de man, but lemms tell yer, you can
try dat game on any OBJ en- wild sue
cess." ."-Arkansas Traveller.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14
An Honest Boy.

There were dozen Of US waiting
around the depot at Chattanooga to
take the train for Atlanta, and pretty
soon a stont, red.facsd and high tenn
persd man from Columbus. o.. began
jawing about the way he had been
bled BY the walters at the hotel, and
added that there wasn't single hon.
sst niger south of Mason and Dlxon's
line. II leg your pardon, bu; I must
differ with you," remarked man
from South Carolina. "DlEer be
hanped |" shou tad the fat man; II
wouldn't trust one of 'em out of my
sight with l0.csnt iscs." "Oh,
you certainly misunderstood them.
III let you the cigars that if give
Que of EN- $40 bill to set changed
he'll return staipht AZ string" "I'll
do it. Give your money to that chap by
the wlncow. The gentleman walked
ever, took bill from his pocket anI
quietly said boy, iun up town and
get chang for this" Yes, sab" was
the reply as the youth hurried out.
Ii about fifteen minutes the boy re-
turned, walked up to the Carolinian,
and said "Wsnt all ober, sab, bat
couldn't get it busted" He WAS re-
warded with dime, and the Buckeye,
after great deal of putting and blow
Ing and wondering over it paid the
cigsre. AS we bearded the train I
asked the winner: did you know
the boy 2" For answer be took the
till from his vest pocket and unfolded
it. 1t WAS $40 Confederate note,
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14
African Hll,nOr.

The African r reli 3ious views are
peculiar. An old n,gto EXPRESSED
his faith in prayer, but id, lit de-
pended on what vo' prayed for. l
allays notice." sad thia Ethiopian
philosopher, "dat when when pray
for de Lord to senl one of Msssa
Psyton's turkeys TO dc old man, it
don't come; but when I prays dat
he'll send dc old mn 70 de turkey,
my prayers answered" Sunset
tells the following III the same con
nection II remember one occasion
when my wife and l attended col.
ored meeting, and they we're trying
to raise $l6.50 to repair place in
the ceiling of the church. After the
box had gone around once there re-
mained deficiency of Sc ST. They
began to sing again and were about
to pass the box when my wife and I
decided to make up what WAS lack
ing and handed the amount to a COL
ored girl in front of us, who Gang
like an angel and looked like the
devil, who proudly marched up the
aisle and deposited the amount with
the deacons. Then there was . shout
went up from the minister Lock de
door and shut de winders. Glory
hallelujsh Dere's angels here among
US; let's raise $3.50 more while we'le
about it. They meant to make the
best OF their opportunity. ."-Sunset
Cor's Lecture.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14
H0mi,,y and -41nica,

An old darksy came into an Austin
drug store with his head bandsged
up and grosning as if every bone in
h 5 body was broken.
"Wnats the matter ?" asked the
irus clerk.
I'VE hab had de bery debbil Of a
time, me an lie ole woman, bat tering
each oder wild de chairs"
well, what do you want2"
"We needs some anarchy. Oar
amt no anarchy in de house. De
bottle got smashed in de fuss an do
anarchy spilled ober de aoor."
If you had more harmony in your
house there would be less anarchy"
remarked the drug clerk, smiling az
he filled small bottle of arnica.
"You am right, boss. OATS jss'
what de fuss was about. De reason
we needs anarchy is bekase dar was
no hominy in de house, an dat's why
de ole woman hit me wild de chxir.-
Texas Sttings.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14
a Premature Opinion.

The Superior Court was in session
in one OF the lower counties Of tho
circuit, and the solicitor, with the
counsel for defense, we're engaged in
the sslectiou Of jury for the trial of
9 man charged with murder. Az
usual in such cases, some difficulty
was experienced in obtaining jury,
and the court was getting tired Of the
tedious proceedings.
Call the next juror, Mr.. Clerk, I"
said the solicitor for the hundrsdth
time.
The clerk called out the man, ard
an old man, with an honest face and
snit Of blus jeans clothes, rose up
in his place and the solicitor asked the
following custom 'ry questions:
Have you, from having seen the
crime committed or having heard any
Of he evidence delivered under oath
formed or expressed an opinion SIS to
the guilt or Innocence of the prisoner
at the bar ?"
mo, sir"
"Is there any bias or prejudice rest.
ing on your mind for or against the
prisoner at the bar p
"None, SIR"
"Is your mind perfectly impartial
between the State and the accused :"
ut 49,"
"Are you opposed to capital pun
ishment?"
I'm not"
All the questions had been answer
ed, and the court was csngratulstinR
itself on having another juror, and
the solicitor in solemn tones said:
Juror, look upon the prisoner
prisoner, look upon the juror"
The old man adjusted bis spectaclss,
and pesringly gazed at the prisoner
for full half minute, when he turn
ed his eyes toward the court and
earnestly said
Judge, I'll bs condemned if l DOM
believe he's guilty. ."-Elbsrton (Ga.)
South.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14
WHERE TO BE CURED.
DR.. ROBERTSON,
80 N. LIBERTY ST., BALTIMORE, MD

80 N. LIBERTY ST., BALTIMORE, MD
I'HE most relilble and successful speci.
L nlisl IN this country, with 20 years ex-
perience IN specia treatment OF al acute
and chrouic diseases of the Urinary Organs
of the Nervous System, Organic and Semi
nal Weakness Nocturnal Emissions, I'M
potency Qoss of sexual power Nervous
Trembling, Shyness, Wasting of Bo iy,
Palpitation of Heart, &c, caused by early
abuse or eAcess of married life, quickly
cured by newly. discovered remedies that
have never failed. Gonorrhea, Gleet and
Structure quickly cur &c. Syphilis in all its
stages, SypLiIitlc Ulcers of the Body, HUI
mois, Blotche on the Face, Ulcers n Nose
OF Throat positively cared, and tie poison
entirely eradicated from the system with
The use of MerI ury. DIR. Robertson is
3 graduate OF the University OF Maryland.
Refers TO leading physicians OF Baltimore,
his native city. All Female Complaints
and all Irregularities quickly removed.
Correspondence strictly confidential.
Medicine sent to any address packed tree
from observation. A Gu guaranteed in
every case placed under my treatment.
Enclose stamp Tor reply. Dec 20
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14
WHOLE NUMBER, SOL.
A Judge ,cho Beats an, Asiot.

Galloway county. Kentucky. has
an original magistrate. A man was
recently brought before him charged
with stealing u hog. His Honor had
a very small personal opinion of the
prisoner, aud wss rssn to shake his
head ominously and frown porlsn-
tously during ths proceedings. The
prisoner succesded in establishing an
alibi, and his attorney toll him to 60
about his business.
Hold on, Bill Smith T. roared his
Honor, eve got q thing or two to
say to that r.
Addressing the spectators, his
Honor said: l.~ ID .-
"This here prisoner stands commit
ted to Jail. Ikuow the evid-nce fails
to convict him Of stealing Bill Sim
monaes hog, hut the durn cuss. I
make no doubt, has hitched on to
some other tellsr's pork in the past,
and if he has not done 50 in the p,st
he is just that rotten mean that he
will steal somsbody's boss or hog some
time or other, aud l think is is my
duty to cage him"
But, your Honor" said the rriso-
nsr's lawyer, my client has proved
an alibi |"
Il don't keer for you alilis or any
other rigmarole, this man will be
Gagged"
"I'll sue out a writ Of quo warrsnto
and mandsmus and shame you with
writ of habsas corpus |" yelled the
attorney.
You may quo warranto until you
are blind and nandamus until you're
dumb and dig up all the corpses in
the county, but you can't movs this
court |" thundsred the Judge.
"Ar Constable, the prisoner stands
committed II
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14

L. P. DuKEHART, Superintendent
Of B. & 0 R. R. Cos hotels, (con-
ductor on the Baltimore and Ohio
railroad for % years, and previously
druggist writes Cumberland,
Nd, Dec. II, 1881, I have used but
one bottle of Peruna between myself
and son. He had Diphtheritic Sore
Throat, and is now well. As for my :
self, it has entirely relieved the dull.
ness in my head, which has been Of
long standing-the result Of Chronic
Malaria. I never took anything in
my life that gave me such great salts.
faction. My wife is now taking it
also. Ask your druggist for the ellis
of Life" and how to cure them--a
book.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14

Misrellang,
Lime-Kiln Club Philosophy.


IAN Judge Perfection Smith in de
hall dis eavsnin'f" asked the Prssl-
dent as he laid aside his gavsl and
looked sronnd him.
"Yes, sah," answered q voice full
OF fshbonss and sbiDgls nlils shaken
up together.
Please smbulsts dis way"
The Judge ambulsted. He came
up confident and smiling, expecting
to receive gold medal for invsnting
mosquito-bsr, which also catches
rata.
Judge Smith" said the President
In solemn voice, "dar' am q few
little 'hings l desiah to spoke to you
about. You war at de pos'oti. de
odder day to rent a box al $3.50
pei quarter. Ali de mail 'lat you get
IN Six months wouldn't light kero-
sene lamp. Den why dis sttempt to
trow on style an heap on agony ?"
II didn't rent one, sab, replied
the culprit in weak voice.
"A few days ago." continued the
President, 81 Overheard you trottin'
outs Presidential candidate for 1884.
You had your biggest voice, an ysu
was fingin' your arms about. an one
would have thought you ksowed all
about it. Judge Smith, you will have
no mo' to do wild de maxim of do
mex Prssid mt of de United States dan
one grain of sand will have in making
up de great Sahary Desert"
mo, sah-dat's 80. sah."
"Let dis warning to you, sab.
From dis time on you have no candi-
date, doan' want one, an take no in
teies' in polytics beyond what can be
'spected of ebsry citizen. If any man
axes you to tell him who am to be de
mex President doan you doit. Keep
dat information locked tight in your
busnm. An day or two ago you
denounced yourself as an advocate of
tariff. Judge Smith, do you know
what tariff is ?"
"N-not 'z4ctly, sab, but I was
ewine to read up on 1t"
Exactly an perhaps you'd better
read up OIL how to keep your mout
shet on what you doan' know an
what doan' afeck you'll You am a
purity lookin' advocate, you am |
While your wife leeds shoes an de
chll'eu wants clothes you walk aroun'
de market wild your old white obsr-
coat on to tell lie world dat you doau'
believe II dis or dat, or dat you sm
welded to dis theory or opposed to
dat on. II
"I'ze sorry, say. I'll drap dc hull
bizuess right Off"
See dat you do. Theories am all
right onless man am two monts be-
hind in his rent. Doctrines ara all
right when family hsin't shil erin
vid cold Individual opinions count
fur pufia' wien de individual can t
raise cash 'nuff to get patch on his
boot. Go an sot down, Judge Smith,
AT doan' lose mint in stsrtiu' on
de road to reform"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14

TEE st. Louis Globe says that Mr..
Tilden is like the lady of whom Byron
wrote: "she has been dangerously
i'll, but is now dangerously WE'LL"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14

AN incorporated company in New
York city gathers the names of indi-
vidusls who do not pay their honsst
debts and prints them for the use of
merchants.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14

A BosToN young lady who is dis
gustsd with the "mashsr" at the skst-
ing rink says that she always thought
that roller skates developed calves.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14

We will also offer for sale at the same
time and place all that
Valuable Real e state
Situated in the town of Pekin, and known
as the
McCabe Dwelling House and Lot.
1t being described in deed from Edward
Manley. Sheriff, to Patrick T. Tull, y,
dated, February 28th, 1878, and recorded
in Liber T. L., No. 40, folio 619, and de-
scribed as follows:
Lot No. 4 on Front Street In Pekin,
And beginning at stake standing on the
northwest de Of Front street in Pekin,
and at the end of the first line of lot No.
3, and running with said Front street
south I'll degrees. west so feet; ther
north 1Ss degrees. vest 105 feet to Cen
tire street, and with sal street north TIT
degrees, east feet; then south 1S4
d giees, east 105 feet to the beginning.
eB- Terms made known on day of sale.
F.'r any further information apply to
j. SEMMEs DEVEcMoN, Cumberland, Md.
CHRISTIAN DEVRIES,
FIELDER G. SLINGLUFF,
March 3i-4l Trustees.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1883-04-14

MEN often judge the per,on, but
not the cause, which is not Justice,
but malice.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

Thirteen or fourteen years ago q
party of gentlemen bought $4,000 acre,
of land in Northern Tennessee for ten
cents an acre, receiving State patents
therefor. Since that time, consider
able number of squatters have taken
possession of portions of the land, and
refuse to recognize any ownership to
the property other than their own, and
would not move off or permit the sales
and claimed that they had been there
the twenty-five years which gave them,
by commm law. right and title to all
they had confined. Suits of ejectment
are soon to be brought against these
squatters.-Chicago J1atraal.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05
AUNT ADDlE

Gives young housekeepers and young mothers
good advice in her letters to the Household Depart
me2t. Regular letters from "Aunt Eva" MAY.
belle, Jennie Joslyn," MRS. Geo. Caswell," and
score of regular correspondents
The Ladies' and Household De.
Partment, under the charge Of Mrs Louisa
Knapp, devotes one whole page to Household
thing bright and original, no stale receipts Prac-
tical hints for Housekeepers, How to Dress Well
Ind Economically. How to Entertain Company,
Wholesome Advice to Young Girls, How to Care
for Children, How to Knit, Crochet and do all
kinds OF Fancy Work, How to take Care Of the
Sick, All the Latest Fashions
The best of American HumoristS
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05
A Remarkably Successful Business House
Free Fun.

A Remarkably Successful Business House
FREQ Fun.
The Baltimore (Md) Daily american of
February 9 editorially comments, to the ex-
tent of several columns, upon the vast bust
ness of The Charles A. Vogeler Company of
that city and the unprecedented popularity of
its goods. This house successors to A.
Vogeler & co., will be better known to the
general public as proprietors of ST. Jacobs Oil,
the great pain cure which has become house
hold word the world over. The new company
is composed of Mr.. Christian Devries lead
ing Maryland merchant, President OF the Ma
tional Bank of Baltimore, etc. Mrs Vogeler
widow of the late Charles A. Vogeler, and
Mr.. H. D. Umbstaetter, whoss rare genius
and ability in conducting and directing the
advertising department of his house have
been so conspicuously successful Thus
possessed of meritorious remedy backed
by ample capital, experience and brains, there
is every reason to predict for the new firm the
largest measure of business prosperity.
The latest and most unique feature on the
advertising programme Of this enterprising
house is the publication of neat and attract
i've little work, the title of which is est.
Jacobs Oil Family Calendar, 1884, and Book
of Health and Humor for the Million" It
is largely composed of original (copy.dghted)
articles, written expressly for this book by
the leading humorists of the day-such az
NJ. Quad, Detroit Free Press; Spoopendyke,
of the Brooklyn Eagle; the editors Of Texas
Siftings, Uncle Remus, Josh Billings, and .
doz N others, all in the very best vein of these
representative fun-makers. The illustrations
are by the best artists. and the book contains
beside. numerous testimonials from distin-
gushed authorities, and other matter of value.
This racy little book is being printed by
the millions. In the larger cities it will be
distributed free from house to house, and at
other points by druggists. Any one may Oh
tain copy by addressing "Supply Depart
ment, The Charles A. Vogeler Co., Baltimore,
Nd" and enclosing q Scent stamp to pay
postage.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

<.*"M Mean people take advantage of their
neighbours difficulties to annoy them" Mean
diseases, such as piles, rhe matism, consti-
patton, dyspepsia, malaria. lame backs, etc,
take advantage of peoples exposures and at
tack them. 1t is then that Kidney Wort ap-
pears on the field and by its timely agency
puts to rout this flock of evil ailments. It is
q friend in need and therefore friend indeed.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

The Atlanta (Ga.) Constitution says
that there has lately been q vast i'm
provement in that city in the matter of
private ibaries, springing from the
desire of parents to place in the hands
of their children better class of itera-
ture, and to develop q taste that has
heretofore been sadly neglected, mainly
on account of the press of business
cares incidental to city new and pro-
gressive.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

The brightest and best of the fter-
Immersion es with which Oscar W Tide is
reg ling his Partisan friends is tn 1t old
chestnut about the sign Pie ase
don't shoot the pianist. he is doing his
best" which he aims to have seen
angling over the piano in a Leadville
d nee hall This ente tai ing resur-
rection sets the company in Il roar.
gives the he rers high opinion of
Oscar as n observer and a t mixer,
and prompts one distinguish French
man to rcmar that there fresh
ness of originality about the man that
is absolutely fascinating. Chicago
Herald.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05
An Ancient Weather Prophets Fate.

The career of Virgins calls to mind
the punishment which Dean Swift and
some of his friends inflicted upon a
weather-prophesying imposter in queen
Anne's time, known as Partridge, the
almanac maker. cartridge started in
life as a shoemaker; but he soon lett
that for the more profitable and less
laborious pursuits of quack. prophet
and humbug generally. His pretensions
imposed on credulous people and his
almanacs were bought by the thou
sands. To show what sorry quacks
Virgins and Vennor are, notwithstand-
inc the lapse of two centuries. during
which the art of humbuggiDg has been
developed immensely, they have not
improved in the least on artridgcs
system. lie, ut as they, foretold
storms in March and December, show
ers in April, hot weatherin August. and
frosts in November and made as loud
boasts as if hit was made.
Swift became disguised at PARTRIDGE
pretensions. and determined TO put him
down. Walking around J ondon one
day, he noticed over a smiths shop the
sign, Isaac Bickerstaff.'' 1t struck
his fancy. and he stored it in his
memory for future use In .janu-
ary. 17OS. artridge came out with his
almanac as usual. A few weeks after
ward London was astonished by the
publ cation of small shee5 which pur-
ported to ntain the predict ons Of
Isaac rickerstaff, astl ol"ger made
a profould sensation, and the sale was
oroot Instead Of tho 1,aUup and in
definite hints at futurt which Fart
ridges almanac G. ntained. it foretold
forei and domestic events with the
greatest particularit giving even the
hour of the dav when deaths Of famous
men, Great victories and defeats shOu q
occur. But one statement created the
most ia k; for at eleven o'cl ok on the
29th of Ma Oh it was predicted that
Partridge, the almanac maker, would
die. cartridge himself stoutly den ed
its truth; but it was Of no use. On the
5Oth of March another pamphlet came
out giving a Giro mstantial account OF
his death. after sincere repentance
of his sins and a c,rfession of the
worthlessness of his almanac. Ever
body believed he was dead, and Part
public III It he was still alive. 1t broke
up his business. and in few years he
really did oi. 1t is pitt that the
Dean isn't still IN earth to deal with
Vennor and Wig rims. A good ose of
ridiculc is pr badly the NEST effectual
weapon W ich can be used against
them, and III d an was ma ter of the
art-Boston Globe.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

John Ga;nsiver, of South Bay City,
Mich, while in the army, about twenty
years ago. was wounded in the cheek.
and he has experienced but little
trouble ,hefeirom until quite recently.
when it began TO cause him pain. and
one day ecently he had an examina-
ton made, when the physician removed
several pieces of bone.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

The famous Gridley sack of -four
which was sold and resold during the
war often enough to net $500. 900 tor
the fund of the Sanitary Commission.
is to be put on exhibition at Stockton.
Cal. The sack started on its travels in
Nevada. 1t must by this time be get
ting little stale.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

An aged citizen of Cleveland, Peter
KIN b y nan,, has laiu tn tOu lda-
t ON for a N liver al u, pom lari y y an
ncuncing in It the fife. if p aged wi h
fore. and resol t OF, IS h best med
cine weak lung. He b lie es that
he would have been cut off un,inely
h If a ceptl ry g exc npf ferhis fl g. In
tead of which melancholy fat h. h S
ev4ry chanc OF bl wirg hin lfintp his
hi nj Ell tn il hday with a great store
of heal h and .pirits still on hand
Ciicag0 NcUS.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05
NOSE SKINNER,

is regular contributor, and his letters are to be
found only in our columns. Youths Column is
complete, with stories of adventure by land and
sea- Puzzles and Home Amusements.
Detective Sketches, exposing all city sharp
ers, frauds and humbugs. Our Home Stories,
several every week, are complete and selected
from the pens of well. known writers.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

Hale's Honey of Horehound and Tar
Stops your throat hurting. Why don't you use
it! Pixies toOthache drops cure in one minute.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

Ii afflicted with Sore Eyes, use DR.. Isaac
ThomIson's Eye Water Druggists seilit. &c.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

A PLAYIN' man: A homely musician.-N
Y. Commercial advertiser.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-04-05

1T is said that deaf and dumb people al
ways take hand in conversation.-Eydnsvill
Argus.