The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1883-02-13
JOLLY UNDERTAKES
The Cheerful View They Take of
LUXURIOUS Calling

Nee Yerk MerHtus journal
in my thirty year, experience IN
the undertaking business" observed a
''mortuary director in the vicinity of
Franklin square, TO Journal report
er, al have come TO the conclusion
that some Of the mos: ludicrous cir
sumstances are associated with the in
torment Of the dead. When the late
Mr.. Patrick Bur1y, of Baxter street.
whose sole worldly possessions did not
exceed SO. 600. ordered. three months
prior to his decease, a $4,000 funeral
IN order 10 spite his relations. his case
wac only an Illustration of vanity and
revenge peculiar to men of his class
Paddy was \ very ignorant man.
His dyiog ambition was to have a
large funeral conducted with all the
modern improvements of mortuary
art. And he had it. His coffin alone
cost nearly $1,000. 1t was of the
finest rosewood. with gold and silver
fittings, and was far more expensive
than the casket used at the interment
of the late Presiden. Garfield.
There were seventeen carriages.
which were occupied by mourning
hucksters. peddlers, laborers and 9TH
ers who had never sat inside car
Hage btf {. The bill for fl wers came
to $500 alone. The vault was specially
constructed On the latest scientific
principles. In fac, the whole affair
was got IN on the most lavish scale.
Paddy's friends gave him a magnifi-
mt wake. far surprising anything of
the kind ever held in Baxter street.
The liquors were of the choicest, aud
the whisky flowed like water, The
'mummers' or death howlers were
specially hired for the occasion. But
the relatives were gnashing their teeth
with rage and disappointm ut, for it
became necessary to sell Paddy's prop
erty to pay the bill. The relatives,
however. brought an injunction to re-
strain payment Of the bill OH the
ground that it WIS excessive and un-
Just to the heirs. 1t euded by the
referee cutting down the undertakeris
account to SIS. So paddy got his fu-
neral, although the undertaken had to
pay the greatest part of the cost out of
bis own pocket.
THE ORDER OF THE C. D.A.
Gin connection with the tra'e is a
secret society known as the order of
the C. D. A, which being translated,
means the Coffin Drummers' Associa.
ton These gentlemen represent the
large wholesale houses. and most of
them would make first-class comedia :.
The chaplsin of the order. Mr.. Ira
Stotts. would make ysu roar. He is
MANY a good story have | heard
the boys tell. One is to the following
effect: A coffin drummer who was
always unfortunate in finding a GUS
tomer in the northern part of the |
State out when he called. was return
ing to the station when he saw his !
nan driving his hearse at the head Of
. funeral procession. He hailed him,
the box and accompanied the
,orsege to the cemetery. He took his
mans measure at glance and saw he
you'd have hard work in getting an
,rder out of him. A bright idea &C.
cured 70 him.
"Hsve you heard The news?"
"What news?"
"Why Parsons name of q RI
al undertaken living some nine miles
last night of delirium
What! Haven't you heard
f il? Now he's got stock of half a
ozen coffi rs he hasn't paid for. 1 can
ct you have the lot at low figure
the price If you don't
urry up. Stone, another rival, will be
ire to get them The drummer
ulled out his pencil. wrote out the
rider. jumped down from the hearse,
urried as fast as he could to the sta
ion where his stock of cofiins stood in
he freight-shed. hired a wagon and
al the whole iot placed in the under
,ker's store before he returned from ,
ne funeral. Tais is only one of the
,veral stories [ might tell you of the
,ffin drummer's shrewdness.
AN EMBALMING MATCH.
"Are there many en- aiming prep
raiions on the market?"
Eye, over two dDzen. Etch one.
course, Is sail t. b. ths best. 1t
as recently m,otsd to hold an en-