Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1883-06-06
WIT AND HUNoR


20 . lemonade.-[Hram Green That's
sour opinion. Squeeze, old man!
One who knows says that in tho
country they blow ahorn before dinner,
but in town they take one.
A man is known by the company he
keeps. but woman is known by the
company her neighbor entertains.
The diamond is the stone for an en-
gagement; but give US the old cobble-
stone in q free fight.
The czar is cultivating q morose dis
position and a disagreeable manner n
accordance with a belief that ''the cross
shall wear the crown" &
Mica has been discovered on ar easte
ern pennsylvania farm. This is not
Micah the prophet, though there is a
profit in mica.
We often hear the expression that
1.-The fire has gone ont" And j. is said
that in some Of our large places you can
actually see the fire escape.
Henry Ward Beecher says a baby is a
nuisance. Without telling Henry be is
wrong, we will say that in this, as in
other respects, the child is but the
father to the man.-LoweN Citizen.
Papa" said a lad the other night,
after attentively STUDYING for some min
utes an engraving OF II human skeleton,
show did tais man manage to keep in
his dinner?"
"What is woman's sphcre?' To be
mathematically correct, we suppose
woman sphere is being always round
when you want her. and sometimes
when you don't want her.
"The best thing ever readr' ex-
claimed book reviewer, as he per,lsed
his uncle's will and found that the SEN
sibls lamented had left him q snug be-
quest.
It has been remarked that every min
er knows his lode, bu: the history of the
rise and fall of the toy pistol has proven
that every minor doesn't know his
load.
Brokers cannot even shave a note
without doing q large amount of talk
ing. and there is some excuse for the
poor barber who breaks out in CONVEX
sation.
The newspapers often print the ''last
words" of men, but never those of
women. The latter would take up too
much room, and crowd out the adver-
tisements.
The new discovery that kissing CURES
freckles may be all right, but the diff
fculty with youth who has the COM
plexion of an African leopard is that he
cant get any girl to kiss him.
snow is the time to subscribe said
the cross-road editor rs he led his
wealthy bride to the marriage register
and showed pen into her trembling
hand.-NeW York Ne,os.
A New York paper says: death has
been busy in high places this year. -
This is an elegant way Of referring to
the many executions which have recent
ly taken place.
Two friends meet Sunday morning rs
one comes out of drug store: ''Hello,
Charlie, out for your morning dram?"
"Well. no. not exactly; but have NJ
scruples about telling You that am
out for my morning ounce"
"Without joking will You tell us what
dude is?" asked lady corrcspon.
dent. Certainly. A '.dude" is no thing.
1t is merely an apology for human
being. and-is too weak to be bad and
too tame to be wild.
"Yes." said she, with tears in he,
eyes. ''in his qualities Of head and
heart dear George is always the same, !"
Then. after moments lapse into
dreamland, she added: "He is SO soft
hearted, dear fellow
Now, JOHNNY" said an Austin
school-tcacher. what happened after
the angel with the fiery sword drove
Adam and Eve out Of the garden OF
Eden?' ''Thev had to eat bread to
make them sweat"
Consumptives do not always find tho
climate Of Florida beneficial. 1t is ex-
tremely variable. Sometimes there is .
long period when it is beautiful. Then,
again, it may be rainy and chilly When
q consumptiye is fortunate enough to
strike the former condition, he is genrr-
ally benefited; when the latter, he u
likely 10 die soon.
Ms. Langtry is 40 wears old, AMI
Freddie Cebhardt is %. "IIush, my
babe, lie still and slumber. "-Rochester
Post-Erp,tss.
,.w,, =, uo 90 % .,.., ,ow ,or,
s,, So 49, 20 .no.L.n
~ no to stn,Iv character was the re.
-, ..W.u III hsya n sav - th.,
|. ,.o,,,d hn . ,,re,t.r st,av ta a;scny.r
an" "o "harac,sr m n ~. fraanantcr ~ smch
.,,aoa. La ., s,n,. !, afts.'. ~, haa
d t,and = "YSs n,u,,,,,er ~ ~ ''
'n' wv .
Inc na'r OF g'ri empioyea 10 an
eastern co1on-mih was caught 10 'ne
machinery, .orn on ner nead. anu
ground 'n.o olts' n"1 .ne glri a.n
mino mucn. one keP. I'9n. On =.
nc1 work' sIihpls fen:1nins VIA. !. "niy
cost o. ANYHOW. ms is onc VI Tue ao-
Van'ases o' arr over nature
A jealous Chicago husband. who dis
figured his wife's face with vitrol, has
been discharged. as she refused TO APP
pear in court and testify against him.