Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-05-27
"a BurIesque Word II often a Mighty
Sermon"

REGIsTER ,RAPS.
"a BurIesque Word u often a Mighty
Sermon"
THE DUDES LAMENT.
Fwends pway do not think me wude,
For I'm quite misunderstood,
An I'm called by all, The Dude
WITCH an ware"
Au'the witahs make me food
For their wit, bof bud an good,
Just -ah-as they win the mood
'Tisn't fair!
Say my paurts would fit q gun.
An make OH such awful fun
on the sweet
Gail my dah.ing mustache dun.
An'upOn my hat they pun,
An call II a fast bun,
What a twest'
An they make spawt OF my cane
I'll | hawdly can rcfwHin
lawfin aout, in spite OF pain
IN my bweast
They've Of pity not a gwain,
Say | came down wifi the vain,
Weaay! shall go insane
OF unwest!
Ant they say my awms aw bent
Like a boomewang, what sent
Fwom hawwty hcathen's tent,
At the foe.
Come now, fellahs Of the pwess,
Pway don't lay such awful StweSs
ON the way ] act and dwess
Pway, don't lauf!
For I'm hawf boy confess,
An hawf girley, too, guess
A. I'm in a hawWid mess,
" " i'way. come OF!
--Times-Star.
GEEHARDr was the recipient Of another
slap in the face last week, and his body
goes rolling on.
The Car premium on an insurance pol
icy to-day would be worth about one hum
dred cents on the dollar.
ONE thing is certain, the Car will either
be happy on earth to-day, or he will repose
in the sacred arms of death via. the dyns-
mite route.
ICAN'TMAKEoUTYorENA Don tblo "
meupwithdynamitesky, and number Of
other notables, skys, witches, etc, will
shine in glory to-day at Moscow.
ANOTHER effort will be made to do away
with instrumental music in Presbyterian
churches. We fail to see how an organ is
going to destroy mans salvation.
Now THAT summer has fairly set in, you
can keep your eye open to catch glimpse
OF the green on the young dudes white
trowsers as he comes home from the pro-
verbal picnic.
"ARE we retrograding?' is what the New
York World wants to know on the strength
of Conkling going to witness the Late prize
fight. No, though it is peculiar, things are
getting shifted around in their correct
places.
A YOUNG man from Bellaire sends us an
article, headed "D- the dudes Correct,
old boy, correct. But we fail to catch on.
Drown 'em, down 'em, demoralize EN-?
But d EN-. there not worth wasting
space OH. so the article has gone from
whence etc.
STRING stories are unusually brisk this
year. The ten. foot rattle snake gentleman
comes in on time with blown FIVE hun
dred yards by cyclone and uninjured"
second, while the fellow who had the big
gest trout he ever saw but it slipped in
again, takes the third prize in the free.for.
all stakes for the champion liars OF Amer
lea, and few suburbs like Europe and
China thrown in.
Ell PERKINS is, we believe, the only man
in the Jnited States who can deliberately
blast an enemys character without render
ing himself liable toa suit for SANDER. All
he has to do is to describe his foe as Chris
tian gentleman who would not commit
any rascalisy for the world.-Philadelphia
News. Wonder what Tom Ochiltree has
done to the News man that he should thus
be sighted thusly, Ell?
HERR MosT says that the people OF the
United States are slow 10 move. II is
lucky for him that they are.-Eleyated
Railway Journal.
IT must have been interesting to the
small fry when the Prince OF W(hisles
opened the International Fisheries Exhi.
bition.-N. Y. World.
LYDIA PISKHAN died Thursday, but like
John Browns body, her electrotype at
the head of the column next pure reading
matter" will still go marching on.-Hart-
ford Globe
The recent increase in the price OF cam
phor is attributed to the fact thGt every
one is putting up" his ulster, which, OF
course, his uncle is anxious to fix so that
the moth shall not corrupt"
Every Saturday.
EDITOR DANA had front seat at the Sui
livan- Mitchell slugying match in New
York the other day. Notwithstanding his
arduous labors as q journalist, Editor
Dana has a warm spot in his soul for poet
~ and things.-Atlanta Constitution.
AS matter of fact George Washington
eat down in the boat and held on to the
seat when he crossed the Delaware, but
such q position would not make a striking
tableau, and so the hero of the ferry passed
into pictorial history standing.-N. o
Picsyune.
WHEN Louisville girl comes t. the con
elusion to have nothing to de- with hel
teau she figures up the amount he has ex
pended on her for ice cream and candy and
buggy riding and sends him q certified
check for the sum total. That's business
Detroit Post and Tribune.
PERSONAL.
Edward Everett Hale is expected to re
turn to America before June 10.
President Arthur smokes all over th'
White House after visiting hours.
JosoJ n.n1a, p.a.na 49, ,al:,;a.t .,.oa-a