News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-09-13
A FULL THOUSAND.
SOLOMON AND HIS THOUSAND vvIvE4
IN ALL THEIR GLORY.


From the Milwaukee SUM-
"Soiomon is credited with being the
wisest man, and yet history says he had
a thousand wives said the bad boy IT,
the grocery man. "Just think Of it,
You have got one wife, and pa has got
one, and all thencighbOrs have one, if
they have had any kind of luck. Does
not one wife make you pay attention
Wouldn't two wives break you up?
Wouldn't three cause you to see stars
How would ten strike you? Why, man
alive, you do not grasp the magnitude
of the statement that Solomon had
thousand wives. A Thousand wives,
standing side by side, would reach about
four blocks. Marching by tours it
wCuId take them twenty minutes to pass
a given point The largest summer re-
sort hotel only holds about five hundred
people, so Sol worlL have had to hire
two hotels if he took his wives out for
day in the country. If you would stop
aud think once in a While you would
know more"
| The grocery mans eyes had begun to
to stick out as the bad boy continued, as
though tie statistics had never been
| brought to his attention before, but he
WIS bound to stand by his old friend
Solomon, aud he said, "Well, Solomon's
wives must have been different from our
wives of the present day"
''Not much" said the boy, as he seen
be was para!yzing the grocery man.
"WOmcn have been about the same ever
since Eve. And it stands to reason
that Solomon's wives were no better
| than the mother of the human
race. Statistics show that one woman
out of every ten is red headed That
would give Solomon an even hundred
/ red headed wives. Just that hundred
red headed wives would be enough to
make an ordinary man think that there
was a land that is fairer than this. Then
| there would be, out of the other nine
| hundred, about three hundred blondes,
and the other six hundred would be
brunettes, and maybe he had a few
| albinos, and bearded women, and
| fat women, and dwarfs. Now, those
thousand women had appetites, desires
| for dress and style, the same as all
women. Imagine Solomon saying TO
! them, Girls, let's all go down to the
ice cream saloon and have dish of ice
cream Can you, with your brain mud
died with Goldfish and new potatoes,
realize the scene that would follow {?
| Suppose, after Solomon's broom
brigade had got seated in the
ice creamery, one of the red
headed wives should catch Solomon
winking at a strange girl at another ia
bic. You may think Solomon did not
know enough to wink, or that he was
not that kind of firt, but he must have
been or he could never have succeeded
in marrying a thousand wives, in
sparseIy settled country. No, sir, it
looks to me as though Solomon in all
his glory, was an old masher, and from
what [ have seen of men being bossed
around with one wife, [ don't envy
Solomon his thousand. Why, Just
imagine that gang of wives going and
ordering fail bOnnets. Solomon would
have to be king, or a Vanderbilt to
stand it. Ma wears five dollar silk stock
ings, and pa kicks awfuIly when the bill
comes in. Imagine Solomon putting
up for a few thousand pair Of silk stock
ings. How would you like to have
a thousand red headed wives come
into the store this minute and
tell you they wanted you to send
carriages around to the house at clock
so they could go for a drive? Or how
would you like to have a hired girl come
rushing in ID tell you to send up six
hundred doctors, because six hundred OF
your wives Lad been taken with cholera
morlus? Or"
90, don'tmentionit," said the grocery
man, wi Il Il shudder. 81 wouldn't take
Solon1ou's place, and be the natural pro-
tactor Of a Thousand wives if anybody
would give me the GARTH Think of get
ting up in a cold winter morning and
building a thousand fires. Think Of two
thousand pairs of hands in a fellows
hair Boy, sou have shown me that
Solomon needed a guardian over him.
He didn't Lave sense"