The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-03-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
The Rhine has burst its banks. The
Rhine must be some relation to al
American bank officer.
| Even half a loaf il better than loaf
ing all the time. Many poor people
OF the working class will testify to this
version of the proverb.
The musicians of Boston have resoIv-
ed upon fixed standard of pitch. This
doesn't refer to the stories they tell
about each other.
An Alabama Judge decided that n
man who puts his satchel on a seat on
the cars reserves that seat-unless the
man who moves it is bigger than he is.
The Sycamore Herald speaks of Mrs.
Langtry as the Jersey Lilly" and Fred
| die Gebhard rs the dutch Tulip"
Public sympathy is with the Tulip.
To 60 behind the ear of a woman to
kiss her is like chewing the bark Of a
peach tree in winter and imagining that
peaches were just ripe.
Speckled-Moon, a Pawnee Indian
chief, has just taken his seventeenth
wife. He crowds them all into two wig
vans and thereby saves fuel.
A young woman in Oil City possesses
bass voice with compass to d fat
on the bass cliff. When she sees q rat
the neighbors know it.
Alfred jenkins, of North Carolina,
has sold his wife to a neighbor for
$500. Some people are always imposing
on the hospitality of their neighbors.
A New York hotel-keeper has over
$4,000 invested in horsefesh, and some
people are wishing he would sell one
of his horses and buy few towels for
upper bedrooms.
The spots on the sun are larger than
ever, and red spot has been discover
ed on the face Of Jupiter. The &C.
lestial buckwheat season seems to have
opened earlier than usual this year.
Bob IngersOll claims to be able to tell
what man is at q single glance. and
vet he let Washington boot-black
carry of his satchel. Perhaps his rule
doesn't work on boys.
Sign for hotcl-inn digestion. An
apartment to let to lady-room it is.
MN. Hint 10 u bore g out. The
cry of a discontinued householder-liver
complaint.
A man who holds his opera-glass in
both hands, with his elbows sticking out
on both sides. is preferable to lady with
big hat ut the theater. You can kick
the man.
"Oh, GeOrger' Boston girl intense
ly exclaimed, while gazing at the COM
ct. show transcendently beautiful and
rapturously precious it is! should SO
love to study botany"
MA" he asked, at dinner. "who
was Charlotte Russe?" s'Oh." said
ma. "she was one of them old queens
who made trouble during the Restora-
ton"
Elizabeth Cady Stanton advises bill
lizards for girls of the period. If a girl
handles billiard cue az dcxtrously ~
she throws a stone. the man four feet
to the left Of her is likely to have an
eye poked out.
The grasshopper has, according to its
size. 12O times the kicking power of an
ordinary man. 1t must be exciting
times for the young grssshoppers
which go courting and find the old man
ut home.
In middlc-school examination in
Lawrence. Mass, the other day. the
question was given: What are the two
principal forms OF government in the
world?" The answer given by a boy
was. MAYOR and alderman"
'.SambO, me bhoy," exclaimed Pat,
a rollicking Irishman. to a jolly dnrkcy,
'.tell us what makes your nose SO tlai"
dunno, Mars Pat" answered tie
darkey. '.but spec it's to keep ME
from pokin' my nose into odder peo-
pies business"
A lady. passing along the street ono
frosty morning, saw little fellow scat
tering salt upon the pavement, for the
purpose of melting the ice. Well. I'm
sure" said the lady. that's real benev-
olcnce." oh, no. ma'am. "he replied.
"ir amt bcEevolence-it's salt"
"Yes." said young Mr.. Guy. Of the
RicKerknocker club. Eyes. | was Ell
gagged to her. but I've broken off, you
know, until see whether she's going
to be successful in breaking her uncls's
brothers will, you know"
81 wouldn't lose that roller-pin for
money" exclaimed an Oshkosh wom-
all, brandishing chunk of wood
that looked as if it had been in a fight
with sausage-chopper. Every time
l lose husband l cut notch in it."
A Baltimore landlady says she can
make delicious mutton soup for thir-
teen boarders out Of four ounces of old
sheep. We've seen the thing done on
two ounces. It can't fail except in
time of drought.
"Uncle john" said little Emily. lido
you know that baby that was fed on
elephants milk gained twenty pounds
In one weekr' Nonsense! Impossible!'
exclaimed Uncle John. and then he
asked. "Whose baby was itp" 1.-The
Elephants" said the little girl.
The true definition of luck. as defined
by Col. Mooney, is rs follows: "When
You 90 home at two o'clock in the
morning, after promising your wife to
be in early, and find her sound asleep.
that's luck; but it isn't to be depended
"Dinners har lar cart. You've been
to a boarding-school. What does that
mean, Polly?" "Aller cart, father9
Why, that means q small, simple din
ner If you want something heavy and
frst-rate you must order what they call
dinner wagon"
Two sons of the Emerald isle dis
cussing certain colored man, one re-
marked: But he was mighty smart,
d. We moind. ''Phut are ye talkin'
aboutP" replied the other. IF he was
80 smart. how did he come to be a nay.
gurp,.
"And what do you call thatp" asked
the inquisitive visitor, pointing to mu-
tilated statue. THAT is q torso" re-
piled the sculptor. "H'm." muttered
the visitor, ''but how did it become
torsor" He was tenderly kicked out.
A gentleman who had tarried late at
his club, found his wife awaiting his re-
She said: Here I've been waiting and
rocking in the chair until my head
spins round like top" jess so,
wife. where I've been." responded he;
''it's in the atmosphere"
Down quilts can be bought for $50.
They are SO light in weight that on q
cold winter nj ght you imagine you are
freezing until you get up and pile all
your clothes on top of it; then you 60
to sleep and dream that You have tum-
bled down the crater Of volcano and
can't get out.
In town not many miles from Bos.
ton, man stepped into q neighbours
house, where he saw the head of the
family lying on tho floor. and his wife
standing over him. as he thought, with
| a threatening air. He was about to