Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-25
VII AlTD HUM03,

1t is only the man with pocketful of
rocks who can afford to throw stones.
Puns on that new nihilistic, unrealis-
tic play are considered Vera" dizzy.
Bathers who sit in the sun become
blistered. 1t is a rash act.
The power behind the thrown: The
muscle of ball-tosser's arm.
a baby carriage is sometimes called
q cry-cycle.
The girl with fine, plump arms is the
creature who does not mind the mos
quitoS at all.
Fogg doesn't understand why the
screen law should not be enforced on
coal dealers as well as saloon-keepers.
Every dove has his cote and every
dog pants. Exchange. Yes, and every
horse has his collar and draws.
An Ohio farmer calls one of his nogs
Maud because she comes into the gar
den so often.
Cinnamon make good actors. They
never forget their cues. Fishermen do
not succeed on the stage. They steal
one another's lines.
A philanthropist thinks when man
is standing over q sidewalk grating.
with his false teeth in his hand, it is
not the time to slap him on the back.
Eyes" he said, Il prefer to have
black sand given to me instead of pep
per by my grocer. 1t doesn't hurt my
eyes so much when my wife gets mad.
"WiII there be WARP" asked timid
editor. The chances are that if he re-
fuses togiye his wife the price Of new
fall bonnet, there will.
''Do not throw away the bones of q
turkey or chicken" says a recipe book.
o, no, don't throw them away. Save
them for the next donation party.
Almost any man will forget his $40
umbrella when he leaves restaurant;
but give woman q parasol worth 81.
and take her into fifty restaurants, and
she will not forget it once.
''How shall we stop the great evil ii
lying?" asks religious weekly. 1t
can't be stopped, but the evil might be
lessened materially by abandoning the
putting of inscriptions on tombstones.
Eve must have had a good deal more
time in which to do her house work
than the modern woman. She had no
looking glass to be running to every
half hour.
No" said the college man, 81 don't
care q coupon whether get a degree or
not. I've got my skull and cross bones
pin, and that's q passport into any So
ciety."
A little girl heard her mother say that
her father who was in feeble health,
ought to take whisky to keep him up.
''Why, [ thought whisky made people
fall down" said the little girl.
A Newport man is so near sighted
that he tiirts with his own wife. It is
a wonder that her resemblance to his
motner-in-IaW does not put him on his
guard.
1t is q mean wretch who will drop :
hair switch in car loaded with women
and then smile as he sees every woman
make q grab for the back of her head
when she notices it.
While the thunderstorm was in pro-
gress last Monday barn belonging tc
William Hook, jr., seven miles west Of
this city, was struck by lightning, and
burned to the ground. Another case
of electric despatch.
A lady who had for years been com.
pressing No. foot into No. 2 SHOE
died recently of gangrene of the peda.
extremities. The coroner's jury return
ed the verdict of ''Died from the effect:
Of a fit. y
''Do you believe in spirits?" the lady
asked the new pastor. mo, my daugh.
ter" replied the old man, Il don't be
lieve in anything this side of heaven.
have preached in Washington twenty
years.
Mistress (about to depart for the
seaside): Il hardly like to leave yor
alone in the house" Servant: "Och
Sorra alone will be mum, wild all mt
first cousins coming to sthop wild me
mum.
Inquircr:-The first person to play
faro-old spelling Pharaoh-was Moses,
and since then they've got the game
down so fine that Moses, for all he got
in the hands of professional players.
In France. bachelors have to serve IN
the army twice as long as married men,
and those same bachelors, after they do
get married, often sigh for the compar-
atiyely peaceful life of soldier, and
wish they were back.
The other day an author went to Du-
mas to read to him two plays. After
he read one Of them he asked Dumas
What do you think Of it?" Il like
the other BETTER" was the reply, after
q moments reflection.
"'What is that you are wearing?"
asked Farmer John of his fair city
boarder. ''Oh, that is my red jersey"
''All right, = was the reply, but don't 60
near my brown Jersey over in that field,
unless you are good at climbing trees.
The body of a fox was found near
Newport the other day, after fashion