Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-10
THE DUEL AT EVANSVILLE.
4 Tale Told to tho Washington Dhu.
deem Club.

4 Tale Told TO the Washington Dhu.
deem Club.
When the regular proceedings of the Wash
ington Dhudeen club were over and the men,
bers had lit their pipes and disposed themselves
about the Fireplace, Judge Sloan declared 1t q
good time to hear the story promised by Mr..
Perkins, the broker. Mr.. Perkins. having pro-
tested that he was no story-telier, finally yield
ed after some persuasion. IL will relate to
you" he said," a true account of the Hyattsville
duel. of which you may have heard something.
The particulars which I will detail to you have
obtained from my conversations with the vari-
Gus persons concerned" Mr. Perkins then took
fresh pipe and proceeded with his narrative,
whichis entered upon the records OF the club az
follows:
Il board at Mrs Warmovers on I street. We
have dozen or fifteen boarders all allured to
Mrs Warmoyer's, as was, by little advertise
ments in The STAR, the terms being stipulated
In a yoluninous correspondence between the
"Nidow-lady, STAR Office" and various letters
of the alphabet. We boast also Of having
secured one OF those prizes so dear to the
heart of Washington clearinghouse keeper,
a real member OF Congress. In fact, the last
time the little advertisement was inserted In The
STAR Mrs WarmOver seriously considered the
propriety OF dignifying the house by styling 1t
have made Mrs. Tureen. who keeps the rival
house. on the next square. turn green, or I'M
dergO some other miraculous change of COM
pexion. for envy. However. | persuaded Mrs.
WarmOver that she ought to have a capital of
at least two Congressman before assuming 80
pretentiOus title and pointed out to her the
predicament she would be i'm and how vulnera-
bic to Mrs Tureen's malicious shafts of satire If
her solitary Congressman should die or fail of
reelection. SO the house is still known
10 III nv foil
boarders Ia j. AlgernOn Potts,a slim and lisping
young man, of the very short coat
and very tight pantaloons pattern,
who holds clerkship in the bureau of
waters, Department of State. He wears an
Oang-glass in cold weather. Instead of an over
coat, hints that he has written poetry, lam
cuisines exqusitely. mentions the names of the
members of the diplomatic corps in very
familiar manner. and has caught from his con-
tact with the binding of consular reports and
other archives Of the state department Brit
tsh drawl and the air of a foreign aristOcrat
tired and bored with our republican yulgarity
Despite these mannerisms, ! have found j.
AIgernon to be a very clever fellow when I
have surprisedhim at night smoking in his shirt
sleeves in his bedroom, and / have felt on such
occasions like calling him jake for the j. stands
for Jacob. have fancied that plain Jacob A.
Potts at some time in his life had bOb-tailed
coat and pair of tight pants imposed upon
him by a tailor, and ne has since lived under
terrible influence of the pants and coat. J.
Aigernon has chum-Orlando Crasher-who
shares with him abed-chamber and sitting room
on the top floor Crasher is Potts opposite.
Where Potts is mild. rhapsOdical listless CraSher
Is bold. vehement. dashing. Crasher is a clerk
in the bureau of gun-wads, Department of War.
The martial spirit-which In this time of peace
Is of nO use to Uncle Sam-seems to have been
bottled up for preservation in the person of
MIR traSher, who occasionally pulls out the
stopper and lets a little gas escape After
Crasher has made his monthly settlement with
Mrs. Warmover. most Of the 800 he receives
each month from the government as slight
return for his services in keeping the warlike
spirit on tap ready for emergency is expended
In INDUCING his theatrical tastes When Mr.
Cr.ishers office is abolished by the advent of the
reign OF eternal peace. think he will look to
the stage as the most appropriate field for his
abilities. While his country needs his service,
he patriOtically remains at his post in the
bureau of gun-wads. He makes a mimic thea
ter. however. of his sittng-rOOm, and the in
Offensive j. Algernon has been mathematical
ami run through with imaginary daggers
enough TO have made that interesting Young
gentlemans remains rare subject for the med
Gal student. II the daggers had been real
Mrs. NarmOver has a daughter Matilda. Mrs.
NarmOyer called her Tllly. and so she was
known by the boarders. lilly was pretty, and
q roguish coquette. The fact that j. AIGernon
was ten times more dioticay rhapsodical In
her company than elsewhere was set down by
the disnterested boarders as sign that Tilly's
charms had inspired a tender passion within the
contracted limits Of Iris bosom. The stern mar
tial employment OF Orlando Crasher had not
rendered his heart Obdurate to beauty, and he
regardedTiy as very desirable person to share
with him the name and glory or Crasher The
only rival Potts and Crasller had was q broad
shonidered, heayy-iimbed. gOOd-natured dOlt
named Joseph Shiner-the sun of retired buffer
merchant. who lived across the way. Sinner
used TO come over in the evening" and sit on the
edge of o sofa and grin. He would ask Miss
lilly regularly during the evening if she liked
the skating rink, and did not think it was awfully
jolly, and then pass the rest of the evening
in phiIosophicaIls scratching his chin and pune
tuating the conversation of others with grins
Well. one night we-that ia, myself and two
other gentemen-who have rooms on the ton
floor. heard great uprOar in the apartments
occupied by Messrs Potts and Crasher. From
Information that | afterwards obtained from
these two young gentlemen, the circumstances
attending that uproar were about as follows:
Crasiier returning home late found Potts so far
freed from the influence Of his pants and coat as
to be engaged in a mild sort of war dance ex-
pressive Of great jubilation OF spirit Upon the
entrance of Crasher, Potts explained his IN
usual activity by rushing UP to him and ex-
Claiming: Its done, old boy Congratulate me-"
What's done:" demanded the mystiied
Crasher.
Matilda" said j. Aleernon. pressing his hands
against his lett suspender buckle Matilda is
mine."
Now, Crasher had himself that very evening
received what he believed to be assurances from
the sly Matilda that he alone was lord of her
heart. and reposing faith in the young lady he
could look upon the declarations of Potts only
Is an unwarranted use of her name
Yours, hal hal The laugh was not one of
mirth- 1t was one Of Orlando Crasller's most
curdling stage laughs. 1t was the sound made by
the escape OF some of the corked up spirit of war
"She's mine, and the man does not live who
dares To claim her from Orlando Crasher"
Potts, who was equally confident of possessing
the sole title to the iady's affections. continued
to murmur the name Of Matilda, ana declare
that she was the property Of j. Algernon Potts
alone. Crasher thereupon seiZing the poker
gave three or four preliminary flourishes with it
and exclaimed: Thou Hest, I'll pin the Insect
to the wall" At that Crasher endeavored to
run j. AlgernOn through with his weapon, but
j. Algernon declining to be spitted with so
humble an instrument, laid hands upon the coal
shovel, and leapng upon chair brandished il
menacingly and invited Crasher to come on Bv
this time 1 and my neighbors on the top
noor. alarmed by the unusual din. burst into
the room, and throwing ourselves between the
hostile youths, who continued for some time to
glare at each other. saved Crasher from being
Drained with the shovel and Potts from being
yiYlsected with poker. A parley was conduc-
ted through third paFfieS and thourb q fruco