National Republican., 1883-03-14

And killed him for fool.
-Rdnsas city Journal.
THE explosion of pot of beans is reported
from Maine. The matter will be investigated at
once by council committed from Boston.
THE Courier-Jomnal gives up half column
to the spirit of the Kentucky press,p when
the whole story might bo told in two words
"Red Liquor"
A CUT GLASS paper weight in n show win
dow in Norwich, Conn, contracted the rays of the
sun on last Monday 80 that 1t ignited q sheet Of
heavy card board
ONE New York young lady boasts of having
been engaged three times last season. AS she is
unmarried three men have good reason for con-
graduating themselves
PRINCE BISMARCK thinks tho American
mode ofsundny observance is terribly tyranical.
Somebody should tell him about tho Amerloan
backdoor system.-Rochester Post. Express.
The largest fruit seller in New Orleans, on
being asked what became of all the coconnut
shells, replied that he sent annually s1,50OOOO to
New York to be ground up with black pepper.
"MY boy" said politician to his son,
" lean a little toward everything and commit
yourself to nothing. Be as round as bottle
and just dark enough 30 that nobody can sec
what's in you"
W1TH Strawberries at $40 a gallon it costs
the Georgia editor 500 day TO live" says the At
lonta Constitution. We never supposed the Georgia
editor did live. We thought he only stayed
Elmird Advertiser
ARDENT Legitimist TO small boy) "Here
are twenty francs for you ii you will climb the
church stcope tonight and fix up this white
flag" Small boy: $50, then, you want me to
have the courage of your opinionsT T'-Ctsurivari.
A BICYCLE rider frightened mule the
other day in Atlanta Ga, SO that 1t ran away
and killed a man. This is not astonishing. A
two legged donkey on top of a velooipede is
sight wierd enough to frighten cigar store In-
dian. t......
II is stated that since the death Of Charles
Dickens, thirteen years ago, 4239,O00 volumes of
his works have been sold in England alone. At
the head of the list stands Pickwick !" second is
David Copperfeld," and third is "Dombey q
Son."
THE Macmillans, of London, fatty contra
dict Mr.. Hawthornes statement In Hdrpers
Weekly. They deny that Fortunes Fool was
originally sent to them complete, and also deny
that they ever received the conclusion, although
the whole was paid for in advance.
LOUISVILLE saleslady says no hat can bs
trimmed, 80 as to look respectable" for seven
dollars. Another secret is that lady inquiring
the price of hat clocks scared to death " when
told what the article costs. Many husbands will
be good deal surprised atthis last information.
A LITTLE girl of years, on hearing for the
first time the gates OF heaven referred to In u
story which her mother was reading to her. said
very beautifully that she supposed tho gates Of
heaven were Gods folded arms, which he opened
for all the good children who came to him, and 80
took them into heaven
PROBABLY the shortest inaugural address
on record was that of Gov. Boynton, of Georgia,
successor to Alexander II. Stevens After the
oath had been administered, In the presence of
large assemblage he said Ladies and gentle
men, in concluding this ceremony can only say
that regret the necessity which causes 1t"
A. ST. LOUIS husband who has left his wife
writes: al Was Missing money out Of my Pocket
/ Finally had to lock My Pautoloons up Nights
| the waysshc Would Talk about folks Was Sin to
david Crockett the six Weeks We Ware together
1t Was Come and go you shant She Never Called
me Geo or mr. Little 1t was go Come or shant."
ONE member of the Maine legislature who
voted to restore the gallows was in favor of max
ing the new legislation retroactive, 80 that the
| murderers sent to prison since the abolition OF
capital punishment might be taken out and
! hanged. None of this genteman's family hap
pened TO be IN prison, and this fact gave him full
swing.
THE court (austerely): "Prisoner, how did
YOU have the audacity TO break into this mans
| house at midnight and rob himg" Prisoner (pit-
| eously): "But your honor, last time was be-
fore you, you wanted TO know how could have
the audacily to rob a man on the highway at
high noon. When do you want me to get In my
work.
AN Irish gentleman at Doncaster observing
in the list OF horses one called Botherem, TOOK
such a fancy to the name that he betted consider
| ahi IA if, Toward tho conclusion OF
the race the favorite was In the rear but, not at
all put out, he vociferated, so as TO drown every
other voice: "Botherem foreverl See how he
drives them oil before himl"
A VERY hungry arrival at the Adelphi
hotel rushed into the dining room lately ana fell
upon the eatables with great determination. Il
declare" said one of those hotel funny dogs who
sat at the same table, "my dear sir, you remind
me of the prodigal SON." Exactly" said tho
hungry man. as he speared another outlet, 81 am
forced to cot with the hogs."-Livapoot (Eno)
Echo.
THE following advertisement lately ap-
peared in Cincinnati paper: "Personal-Wanted
The undersigned, healthy young man, unable
to procure employment at which he can make an
honest living, desires to inform professors OF
medicine and surgery that he will submit him
self 10 experimental operation of almost any de-
scrlption for reasonable compensation. Address
ViViseclion."
In 1875 Ramey Thomas killed Joseph Deal
a clerk at the Maxwell house in Nashville, Tenn.
for insulting young woman TO whom he, Thomas,
was engaged to be married. He was sent to the
penientary for twenty-one years, but his sentence
was commutcd to ten years by Gov. Porter, and
the term having been again reduced for good be-
hayor he has Just been released Tho young
woman has remained faithful to her avenger, and
their marriage will soon complete the tragic ro-
nance, or romantic tragedy, whichever 1t may
be.
"CLARIssA MAUDE DE WERE SMITH, you
must retire earlier hereafter Young Tompkins
was here until o'clock this morning" said a
Tenth street mother TO her daughter few morn
ings since 81 am sure, mamma, that II was not
so late" protested Clarissa, 81 know better"
with some asperity. 81 heard the clock strike
every hour, and II struck . when he left." "And
did you hear 1t strike just before 2" al did"
swell, mamma, that makes IL o'clock, doesn't
it?" and Clarissa smiled sweetly. The old lady 10
stnl figuring on it,-Rdnsds City JourndL
THE Cincinnati Neips has this from Lexing-
ton " Councilman Nose Kaufman has invented
an electric front. door lock, without keyhole or
, key, which Is a wonder. You can set 1t when you
90 TO the lodge so that II sober man touches 1t it
will ring the fire bell and knock him down, but
when you come home at o'clock a. M, well
corned 1t opens noiselessy TO the touch lights the