Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-23
NUMBER IS.
PITH AND POINT.

A SIaHT-GowS is nothing but nap
sack.
FRITZ says he can't eat oleomargarins
because it disagrease with him.
AESTHETICS, speaking of asses, say
their brays are abrasions on the surface
of melody.
A LEADvMLE journalist has shot sc
many men that he is now spoken of as
"the local leaditor.
Our West the agents take care of the
Indians, and the Indians reciprocally take
hair of the agents.
To START a clock YOU wind II IN.
And then il goes tip-top;
/ But when you wind your business up
IT'S always sure 70 stop
The man who stops his paper to econ.
omize ought TO cut his nose of to keen
from buying handkerchiefs.
An esthete recently paid 5000 for a
couple of blue china ginger-pots. and
the gentleman who owns $3.50 dog
thinks the esthete an ass.
A BALLET DANCER died recently al
Naples, leaving a large fortune. This
l
when one dresses economically.
BRIDGET (who had discovered the
carpet sweeper)-" Lux at the music.
box, now, wild the long handle wan.
der how they plays on the insthruu,entf
THERE are three prominent phases Of
a woman's life all yib.b.y connected As
a baby, she's lneged; as young woman,
/ Ghnfs hnmfrnl nj Ell.
plugged.
HE New Haven Register wants a
| gospei-car att?chcd to all railroad trains.
Yes-just imagine the interior of such q
car with the train two hours behind time.
! Detroit Free Press.
SOME recent exhumations in Eoypt
have brought to light the supposed
statue OF Potiphar's wife, and competent
judges say that if the thing of marble
was true to life, Joseph was justified in
having his coat torn.-mc Judge.
my dear, you rcall, do smoke too
much, says Madam b. to her husband.
"See, you have just finished another
package of tobacco !" Excuse me. nv
love, but do you happen to know when
l begun this package?" mo" "Well,
then?"
| A SMALL girl, who had been ponder
/ ing upon the question of the sunrise
and sunset gun, which she heard daily
in the city. startled her father recently
with the inquiry: docs God shoot the
sun up i'll the morning and shoot il
down at night?'
| "DoN'T weep, my friend" said the
pastor to the sorrowing widower, as he
stood beside his wife's coffin. Don't
weep, she has gone to heaven" "Yes,
| know she has gone there" sobbed the
afflicted man. "and that is what makes
it so hard to bear. | know Ill never see
her again.
The grand scramble for appointments
under the municipal officers has Just
begun, and one of them has already
hung up this sign III his office LADY
| applicants for clerkships will please weer
In the ante-room, as the Recorder suffers
greatly from damp feet. San Fran
cisco Post
Two LITTLE girls, aged 4 and 6, had
Just had new dresses, and were on thei,
way to Sunday school. Said Eta, the
elder: "Oh, l have forgotten my
verse. 81 haven't forgotten mine, y
replied the other, ait is, Blessed are
the dressmakers. "-Boston transcript.
A wELL-KNowN public character had
| just passed through the initiatory cere-
monies of a secret society, and, while the
| sublime moral teachings and ineffable
| grandeur of the fiummery were fresh
upon him, a friend whispered in his ear,
q say, , you are as big q fool as
| any OF us now, amt you?
HIRAM GREEN was lugging up coal,
when he stubbed his toe and fell, caus-
ing him to accidentally let slip cuss-
word. Hain't you shamed of your
self ! Where do you expect you'll go to
| when you die asked his wife. ITO
place where / shan't have to lug coal.
by thunder F." and he continued on
Whitehall Times.
"GEoRGE WASHINGTON has been dead
eighty-two years, hasn't he, dad p"
"About that, 'thoughtfully returned the
old gentleman, "and his example is for
gotten already" "Not by everybody. /"
added the truthful lad, Il didn't forget
it. And when his sne glanced out the
window and observed that his favorite
fruit tree had been reduced to wreck,
he turned in and made q liar of that boy
for life. -Brooktyn Eagle
NOVEL Anticipations - "Flogging
the First Born" by the author Of
Beating the Air." "The Home of
Truth, by the author of "The House
of Lys;'' The Hill Replaced" sequel
to 1.-THE Veil Removed . Blacklegs, ("
by the author of "White Wings !"
Glow Water" TO be taken with " High
Spirits ;" Lorenzo" sequel to "The
Mate of the Jessica !" ga Trusting
Hind" by the author of "a Doubling
Heart" Ny Fathers Daughter" by
the author of "That Son of Mars. -
Punch.