The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-06-15
HUMOR.

dear ear 10 the Ielephono.
PRIDE to the poor man is like .
@stick" to q lemonade. Green.
That's sour opinion. Squeeze, old
man.
The Gar is cultivating morose dis
position and disagreeable manner In
accordance with belief that "the cross
shall wear the crown"
"Pa," said a little boy at theater the
other night, Il wish would hurry up
and get baldheaded." "Why, SOM"
Because then / could always sit on the
front row of chairs.
"WHAT is womans sphere ?" To be
Mechanically correct, We suppose
woman's sphere is being always round
when you want her, and sometimes
when you don't want her.
A BUSY doctor sent in certificate OF
death, and accidentally signed his name
in the space for cause of death. The
Registrar says he wishes the profession
would be as accurate generally.
as THE bowling of dog always fol,
lowed by death ?" asked little girl Of
her father. "Not always, my dear,
sometimes the man that shoots at the
dog misses him." was the parents re-
ply.
HIS Excellency-"Yo have broth
ers?" Captain-"One, your Excel
lency." His Excellency-"It's curious.
was talking with your sister, and she
sa d she had two brothers How IS
that?"
HELLO, what brought you out here?.'
10 fro a
from the East in Kansas City. well,
heard that amateur theatricals were
almost unknown here, and I've come to
stay"
A YOUNG child in Oregon died from
the effects of swallowing the leaves OF
an almanac. 1t is suspected that the
seven-cornered name of new liver
remedy advertised therein stuck in the
child's Nindpipe.
A SMALL boy, who was playing truant
the other day, when asked if he wouldn't
get whipping when he got home, re-
piled: what is five minutes licking
to five hours of fun?" There is food
for reflection in this.
PAPA-"Don't you know it is very
dangerous to play with fire? You
might burn up, and become nothing but
ashes, like those on the hearth. Boy
And then what would you do with
me ?-scatter me ON the sidewalk"
LANDLoRD-"We're so crowded, I'm
sorry to say that you two gentlemen will
have to sleep in the same bed with an
other guest" Travelers-"Oh, no, we
can't do that; we're grangers, and don't
want any middle man. "-LooiSUalLs
COurier-JOur1ldL.
"LooK heah, Thomas Jefferson, dis
heah's nice time fo' you to be gettin'
home," growled Aunt Polly, as her boy
came in long after midnight. "Oh,
( g'long!" retorted Thomas, you dunno
muffin. Hadn't you nebber hearn dat
de darkey's hour is jes befo' day?"
AS HE lay in the hammock, dreamily
gazing at the smooth, flower-sprinkled
lawn, his darling approached and said.
"There is a difference between you,
dear, and the grass-plot. Commune
cate the variation" This is daisy
level, while you are lazy -" I
couldn't hear the rest of it.
GUILELEss young won an :-"Ohi
uncle, do wish you would take me
with you. 1 adore those French operet.
tas." Discriminating male relative
at isn't proper place for you, my
girl" CT. Y. W.-"But it is all in
French, and L should not understand
more than half that was said" ID. M.
R.--"Yes, my dear, but which half?"-
Life.
AN Irishman who had hung on to
strap on an elevated railway car in
New York from Ninth to Fifty-ninth
street without getting a seat, finally
taking up q position from which he
could take the car fore and aft, with q
look of mingled pity and contempt, ex.
claimed, "Ye poor, unfortunate divilsl
Have nary wan av yees got home to
go to?"
LADY MIDAs-"And we were hustled
into the train anyhow, my dear Mrs.
de Tompkyns, and imagine our horror
when the train started, at discovering
that we were actually in second-class
carriage!" Grisby (innocently)-"Dear
mel Yes! Very awkward, indeedi
You'd taken a third-class ticket, sup
posel" (Horror of Lady and Miss
Midas, who generally take saloon
carriage all to themselvesD
IN our country" said the English
man, as he leaned back in his chaif,
before we mary we arrange to settle
a certain sum upon the wife" "Yes,
L know" replied the American, "but
with us it is different. 1t is after we
are married that we settle everything
upon the wife and arrange to beat our
creditors" "Hawl / see. And how
do the creditors take it" "They never
find anything to take"
ALPHABETICAL FARMING.
There is a farmer who is Us
Enough TO take his Els,
And study Ma ure with his Ia
And think OF what he C's.
He hears the chatter OF the is
As they each other rs,
And Us that when a tree ID ks
IL makes home for BIS.
pair OF oxen he will us,
With many haws and G's,
And their mistakes he will Q's
While blowing for his P's.
In raising crops he all X LIS,
And Therefore little O's,
And when he hoes his soil nv snelIs