Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1883-11-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

Mary's father when he refused to buy
! her new bonnet.
France is great country for law
yers. and somebody is bright enough to
remark that it is land of Gaul.
Peaches are like men. The little ones
are crowded out of sight by the big fcl-
lows.
Parasol Irritation is one of the newest
1eats at the seaside. When girl jabs
fellow in the eye with her parasol,
1t means you won't see much of me. "
In the far West man advertises for
woman TO wash. iron and milk one or
two COWS. What does he want his COWS
washed and ironed for?
The impecuuious condition of too
celebrated family of royal lineage calls
forth from Punch the appellation of the
duke and Duchess of Tick"
There are dismal looking men who
can throw such Il gloom over 4 fu-
neral that the corpse will be quite for
gotten.
A Pennsylvania clergyman is pitch
CT in 4 baseball nine. His gestures
sometimes make the congregation duck
their heads. .-Buriington Free Press.
A fire in this city on Saturday and
the failure of 4 pigeon race in the East,
both resulted from the same cause-a
detective fue. -Pttsburg Despatch.
Is it dudco Yes. it is dude. Was
it always that way? Yes, natural born.
What does it do fora living? 1t breathos
dear; don't disturb it.
Punch defines the difference between
a pitchfork and tuning fork: One is
used to make hay with, and the other
to make A with.
A New York man was fined $500 for
giving tobacco to Il giraffe in Central
Park. But they wouldn't fine him
centif he only gave whisky to boy.
''Now that have got my hay in"
said the relieved farmer, Il think the
world would be greatly better for
good shower.-BoSton Globe.
The telephone is said to be popular
in Colorado, for with it aman may con-
verse with another and occasionally
reach around to his hip pocket for his
tobacco without being shot.
In several female colleges in Iowa
the girls are taught how to cook. 1t will
come quite handy for them after mar
riage if they get anything to cook
Yonker'S Gazette.
81 never loved but one person."
sighed Biggs. "And, as q man can
not marry himself, remarked Foec,
'of course it came to nothing. Poor
fellown'
"Did the prisoner knock Mr.. Smith
down in retaliation" asked the LAWYER
of witness. mo, sir: he knocked him
down in the boardyard:" :"-OH City Der
rick.
When man is in hurry to reach q
.--saa-ssss.-sSssse.@seo-
ate, or to learn that the train is eight |
hours behind time?-Rochester E9press. |
The tailor's apprentice, when COM
his trade finds there is truth
n the text that "What man sews
hat he shall also rip Soanerrille
Journal.
At Niagara Falls young bride was
7ery much embarrassed when 4 hack
nan pointed to her husband and said: |
do you wish q carriage for your father
niss?"
1t is about an even thing between a
nan and an orange peel. Sometimes |
he man throws the orange peel into
he gutter, and sometimes the orange
,eel throws the man.-L0ndon Musical |
World.
A report of balloon accident in
rance says: "By singular good for
une it landed in marsh and Made
noiselle at last stood on terra iirma."
low anybody can stand on terra firma
n marsh is conundrum.
"A Reverend Idol is the title of
lew novel. We suppose the hero,
'oung clergyman. was 50 idoliZed bv |
lis congregation that they raised his
alary from $3.50 to $3.50 without wait
ng for him to ask for it. Fiction is
stranger than truth Fhitadelphia
NeWs
Cowardly:-A lion-tamer quarreled |
With his wife, n powerful vigaro, and
vas chased by her all around his tent.
IN being sorely pressed he took refuge
n the cage among the lions. 'Oh,
fou contemplate coward" she shout
I'd. ''Come out if you dare. '--ta'o''s
he French.
A Fact:-Two gentlemen were ques-
ioning why professional men should so
frequently be bald. The little daughter
)f one had been an attentive, though
listener, but made her pres
.ncc and opinion known by suddenly
,xclaiming: "Oh, papa, I know: it's
80 that their wits can come out"
A young gentleman writing from
long Branch asks whether it is good
'orm to hold a bird with ones fingers
while eating it. If the bird is the regu-
alton watering-place spring chicken. it
s good form but poor policy. You
should brace yourself against some
hing and use both hands.
''Prav. nv good man. said Judge
to an Irishman who was awitness on
rial, What did pass between You
and the prisoner 'Oh, then. plase
your Lordship,r said Pat. ''surc 1 sees
Pheim atop of the wall Paddy
says he. 'Whato' says /. Here" says
ne. 'Wherc?' says |. 'Whist' says he.
Hush!' says l. And that's all. plase
'our Lordship. Chambers Journal.
Music at home (the egotism Of genius)
Eminent violinist: "Dell me--who
is dat liddle paid old chendclman viz
re vite viskers und re binc-nez, looking
1t re bigchus?' Hostess:-''It's my
Uncle Robertson. I'm grieved to say
ha's uilife ,}naft Emipnnt Vjolinisf.-