The Arkansaw traveler. (Little Rock, Ark.) 1882-1???, 1883-07-07

ltfDuiAtlOuS you nave SpAfCu iitC ny kIdts-
porting me in fairy-prince-or- princess
fashion to the alleged elysium of mar
rage. without any weary wandering in
the labyrinthine mazes of courtship, or
any perilous egg-shell navigation of the
proverbially damned current of true love
which. from the lace-cap and ruffied-
wha,.is-it period Of creation and history
until now, never did run smooth. The
vide world over. its shallow, bubbling
channel has been strewn with rocks and
quicksandi, cataracts. whirlpools, cddies,
and sad-bars. In every land and cline
since Jehovah took that crooked bone
from our great-great-g randpa's chloro-
formed side. by which his first sleep be-
came his last reposc. the story has been
the same. Obstacles, trials. anxie,ies.
maddening ealouses. doubts, and mis-
understandings, besei the lovelorn. court
ing ninnys way. 4 stern old daddy's
number fourteen stoga boot, with big
brass headed nails IN the toe, a vixenish
prospective mother-in-law, miscarricd
note OF package of taffy, crushed bou-
quet. look a wink, word. anything.
everything sufiiees, has for sixty Centuries
sufiiced. 10 wiring lovers and wooers'
s0Qts Will ICtl-llol ttIlllSl I&cfZSfS Oh
agony. 1t is the doom of the whole
spoony race. No mortal can escape it.
none ever did. none eser will. Adams
wooing cost him Eden. and got him
kicked over his own garden fence. in
bare-skin trousers and hg-leaf round
about, plump into the bfiar patches Of an
unknown world of sin and thistles. Lots
Dulelnea came IN a grazer of getting him
turned into a Cardiff giant of sacked
Turk Island salt, and Jacobs oourtship
81 Miss Rachel l.lban. who bosses the
lemonade-well Al every church festival,
subjected him 10 fourteen years of bitter
slavery IS wei-nurse 10 herd OF goats.
while all the other gIrls in the neighbour
hood slseled al HIM daily from the win
dow or The bliss OF resting his lnfat-
ua'ed pate IA the blue-check apron of
dusky beilah lap. Colonel Samson. the
great original iion splitter and !aw-bone
swinseI. allowed himself - be shorn OF
his wool, his strength and his glory. and
played bhnd-horse Tor years in u philiStine
ucad-milI David had 20 steal his sweet
heat. and bushmack her distempered old
father the rest of his life. S7Iomon's Jul
aiky made him renegade. a Mormon
AsAA t1RAht'i III II hC1 , sake the
Wise Mantle builder Of tina, magniii-
cent temple whose golden spires glitter
ing IN ludcas evening sunlight. for nearly
i've hundred years. proclaiming the glory
Of lsrael's God to all the world sover-
e:gn. songster and sage inspred-forsook
his religion and became a fool, and burnt
incense in )ewelledcenserst TO stuffed croc-
odiles and picked toads. In pressing
his sui, with the star-eyed Egyptian,
sweet sorceress of the Nile" who was A
mnlat,o. the father OF our distinguished
icllow-citizen, Colonel Susan b. Anthony.
threw away the scep,te OF the world ::
and the grass-widower Napoleon's second
courtship was his first step on the road to
Waterloo and Helena. All such risks
and Observation-Disclosures you have saved
Inc by rallroading me through 10 mar
mage. without love ar couttship- but
guess, IL the yellow-back scriptures are
true, You have cut me out of lots OF fun.
Married. To oe married. Well.
hardly. What Is married bu, mismaicd.
too often marfed: Nature PLAYS many
high old quips and quirks kicks up her
venerable heels in countless can can
pnouc,tes and whirlgl.s: shakes her
on.nihn .SafEryn"s apron paek e,s and
sca,iers. here and there and everywhere,
innumerablc mons,rositics. ludicrosi,ies
and rldieulosities perpetrates incompu,-
able mad-cap deliberations. and mental,
moral, and physical eranks and eurllcues
and iniiiots upon her unfortunate step
children unending higgledy-pierledy
lusus-es. She stufis president with A
peanut peddler's soul. and makes A hrro's
h.sa - fs,,. 4. IL.
coat Of i se.tNengcr. She drops galvanized
oyster wfenche>. or worse. in the nch
lACcs and brocades oil senators. gov
eInors and cabinet ministers wives. and
enc.o>es the spin, 81 a SAINT OF a mar,,f
In the dingy tat,erS of a char-woman or a
beegar. she wraps courage. gratitude
and affection IN the hide ot a dog. and
swaddles baseness and brutality IN broad
cloth and tine linen. She permits two
legged donkeys 10 bray IN all our leg
islative halls. and dine a, our Del
monico's, while their superors in every
worthy quality and qualification MUNICH
coarse straw in thousand unchinck ed
country stables. She builds auadrupedal
men and bipedal swine. Blu, all her
oldest. maddest freaks are tame and
rational compared with the wild WITNESSES
OF love and marriage. Look where YOU
will, what 4 world OF ,angles and insists.
All lumbled. lopsided, ill-assored and
muddlety- tiummixed. No incongruity
Is too crazy. no vagay too monstrous.
Eagles mate with moles, and swans with
hedgehogs. Tom Thumbs pine for she
Goliaths. Sons OF Anak wed human
humming- birds. Mighty Drained heroes
and statesmen rave over insane little
butterflies, puny wax dolls. ,aify'faoed
plgmies and Women who would grace 4
count ally themselves with counter
hoppers. numskulls and boobies. Kings
bow down To ballei-dancers. and queens
take refuge in the arms OF cooks and
ceachmen. Who ever heard OF a halt
dozen presidents wives? While An
drew Jackson ran the White House like
an emperor, the old wife. for whom he
murdered Dickinson. smoked her cob
pipe in the backwoods OF Tennessee.
Where and uhAra ha,a ha.r III