National Republican., 1883-02-19
DECEASED LETTERS.
The Ingenuity Displayed in Deciphering Their
nlogible SuperscriptOns.
The Dead Letter Office Not GoIgotha
For Defunct EpistIes,
But Place Where Many Bundering Error is Dis
covered and Corrected.
some OF the Prize Problems Presented by
the Matter Received.

"
The dead letter Office calls up in the mind
Of tho average person ideas only of senti-
mental woe. He reads of the thousands OF
letter, that never reach their destination and
conjurcs up visions OF heart
broken. widowed mothers signing for their
errant sons, or deserted swcethcart5 breaking
their young hearts in waiting for the re-
letter that never comes. But this
phase of life is not the most interesting one
that attaches to the dead letter Office The
and the pathetic are the least OF
rs claims to consideration. While the tender
hearted may be signing over the imaginary
widow breaking her heart for her wander
ing and forgetful boy the chances
are that she is getting in her
work on ~ second marriage, and praying
that the absent vagabond may not
return, at least till the wedding feast is over
and the knot tied around the neck of the "one
more unfortunate" too tightly for him TO slip
easily. No, there are other things OF more
interest in the dead letter Office than those
which are imagined TO relate to the affections.
1t is Il field for the exercise of the pure intel
lect rather than of the emotional, and where
the analytical faculties are more deserving ol
Aud, first, the ingenuity displayed in
THE pEcIPHERING OF 1LLEGIBLE SUPER
scRIPTIoNs.
Is worthy of admiration. Again, the address
may be as plain AS coppcrplate engraving,
but " New Orleans" be written for the post
office when "New Haven" was intended.
Then, some purposely obscure cryptogram
may be used for the address instead of the
proper plain and simple directions. In the
latter case it is not infrequent that the solu-
tion of the enigma requires the exercise OF
as high an order of analysis as the rendering
of some obscure problem of the ditlerential
calculus. 1t is the object of the dead letter
office to deliver all letters, IL possible. SO
instead of being the Golgotha of defunct
epistles, as is the popular idea, it is really tho
Epiphany of revived mail matter; and, to
carry out the metaphor, it is to the
Marys of the lady clerks that the resur-
rectcd addresses first appear, rather than
to the Peters of the male persuasion
who tarry at the outside of the sepulchers Of
unintelligible superscriptions; for it is the
quick intuitive feminine intellect that solves
these knotty problems more speedily ana
easily than the slower masculine logic OF the
male clerks. The astonishing number Of -
Der cent of all letters that come to the dead
letter Office is delivered to the proper per-
sons, and this, too, without opening them to
see who Is the writer. This latter plan has
been tried and found wanting, only az per cent,
being delivered under that system. twenty
eight per cent. of all the letters coming TO this
Office are signed with some pet name, giving
no clew whatever to their proper destination.
Some of these pet names are ra Ter odd ana
inappropriate. 1t was not unusual to find n
letter beginning Darling Chickabiddy," and
ending with Z" Your Loving Pig One letter,
probably from q lady, began with the odd
salutation Dear Old Leather Brecches,"
and closed with Your Loving Patch-on-thc
Seat" 1t would bo an interesting task TO
trace the progress of this courtship FROM the
Introduction to tho first christening.
Not only are individual pcculiarities no.
ticed in this office, but even
SECTIONAL OR PROVINCIAL IDIosYNcRAsIEs.
Thus, the Marylander generally lives in moth
ing smaller than q county. Ask him his ad-
dress and forty nine out of fifty will respond,
"prince Georpe'sn or "Queene Annes,"
"Charles county" or " Montgomery county,"
They put two words in their answer, and
never say county" If its name be composed
of two words. On the contrary Massa-
chusetts man gives. You his town, but never,
except on reflection, adds the county. Thus,
:" John Adams" lives in Braintrec, Mass,
but "Charles Carroll" resides in "Princc
Georges, Md" And thus with the other
states.
The work of simplifying the labor of the
clerks in their "blind reading" and analysis
has been prodigously lightened by Mr. L. j.
Dallas, the superintendent of the Office, who
delights in tho exercise of q very high order
of analysis, as q born mathematician exults in
unraveling the intricacies of u tangled knot
of Comic Sections or, as a strong man glories
in feats of muscular strength A couple oil
years ago he compiled and published
STREET DIRECTORY,
giving in compact shape the names of the
| streets, avenues alleys, and places in all
the free delivery cities of the country, so by
reference to the book the city in which Ger.
tain street is located may be determined nj
once. For example, q letter was sent to tho
office bearing this address, Stephen johnson
No. 30 Greene street, Springfield" AS there
are q number of "Springfelds " in the United
States, it may well be supposed the clerks II
the railway mail service We're bothered by
reference to Dallas's directory, however, II
was seen that of all the Springfelds only
"Springfeld Mass" had u Greene street
hence the letter was sent to that particular city
and reached its destination. still more puz
cling address was that of "Wm. Il. Moore, esq.
| Common street, between Bail and Franklin,
Hero both city and state were omitted. a
reference to Dallas's Directory showed tina
New Orleans is the only city in which al
these streets can be found. Mr. Moore accord
ngly got his letter. An envelope, with th'
words House of Representatives in smal
printed capitals in the left hand, upper corner
was received, bearing the address, "W. III
Shcmire, esq, 720 Sansom street, Washington
ID. c." The writing was too good to be tha
of member of congress, SO the suppositior
was it was his clerks. The mistake IL
geography was natural enough for congress
man and for congressman's clerk, so TIN
dead letter office delivered the letter in Phil
adelphia, the only city whichhas " SAMSON
street.
At first sight the following address, writer
as only an Austrian Slovak could write
seems a puzzler: "Mr Anton Fedlicka, Ziol
Plejs, No. 12, North AmerilSa" 1t wasn't
circumstance TO the beautiful and talente
young lady clerk in the dead letter office VIII
handled It. "Zion's Plejs" was evdentl,
"Zion's Place" 1t was evident there wa
only one city in the country whose inhabi
tants were piOus and moral enough to have
place for Zion in their midst, SO the lette
was instantly sent to Chicago.
letter was received ut this office ad
dressed, in somewhat struggling, not to sa
picturesque chirography, to "Mr. Afert Nc
Tendon, Clay Uigg ga tefe fair comfy" Thn
was all a REPUBLICAN reporter could make q
it even after looking at it through his specta
cles reversed. The young lady clerk, wit
eyes brilliant enough to illuminate even
darker subject, glanced at il moment an
read, "Mr. Albert McLendOn, Claysyille, Tel
fair county, Ga" As tho reporter had bee
very positive that the address was in phOneti
Choctaw he felt somewhat discouraged whe
tho above reading was made. 1t was astOnisl
ing, after the true rendering had been al
nounced,