The Magnolia gazette., 1883-05-10


It haunts me-tortures me. That would
he terrible revenge, indeed. for any
thing / may have made him suffer.
But it is impossible: i can not be wrong
4 what happened afterward proves it.
sBut do not wish you to think too
harshiy Of hims Very likely if | could
repeat to you exactly all that passed Le-
tween us formerly you would tell me
that had deceived myself in exagger-
/ ating the meaning Of his words and
Z looks, and had not been deceived at all
by HIM. / would ike TO think that it
was so. You win be impatient with me
when you read this--it IS so inconsist-
ent. know that il is inconsistent. |
can not help myself II you could only
understand the agony these doubts have
made me suffer, you would say that
have been well punished for whatever
wrong have done. You know some
thing Of il when you come to read the
pages have written to Lucy; for
found n fantastic delight in thinking of
her as friend whose cause / was es-
pousing, and to whom | might tell my
innermost thought. could mott can
nOt--speak to you, and so found relief
in the sorest moments of passion and
grief in telling her all. aa 8
g was constantly perplexed by his
manner; at times he Sc nled to be so
perfectly honest in his belief that there
was no further association between Lu-
cy and myself than the resemblance.
Here is the Inconsistency again; at tho
moments when this appeared felt in
/ Il NJ Il haf hn
such feelings for her and yet be my
suitor. Was this jealousy of myself?
That must be it, and perhaps it had
more to do with nv treatment of him
than | myself understood or under
stand. At any rate, felt satisfied OF
his cruel heartlessncss, whether he
knew me or not. My whole nature
seemed to change, and found avicious
delight in watching his advances 10 me;
in measuring ever step; in tempting
him farther and farther, until he should
give me the final proof of his faithless-
ness, and say that he loved me-Mabel
Cuthbert.
.But oh the shame of the treacher-
Gus part ! was playing! Sometimes |
was on the point of telling you how
wiekedly your child was acting. and
imploring YOU TO take me away. Some.
times was inclined to make confession
to him. Then came the remembrance
OF that time after he left Cambsrwell,
when | waited for the least token from
him that he was still thinking of me-
that he was coming back as he prom.
ised L the sick longing for the post--the
excitement when he knocked, the
heart-sinking when he passed and there
was nothing. Then ! crept away ID
hide myself from the pity ng eyes of my
/ friends, who had given up trying tc
persuade me that il was useless to ex-
pect anything from him. a messenger
was sent for his luggage, and when il
went away there was no possibility oI
cheating myself any longer with the
idea that he would return. He could
think of his luggage; then he could moi
have forgotten ME unless he wished tc
forget.
"You came, aud my misery was over.
come by the bewilderment, he Joy, the
pain, and the new duties of my new 20
sition. might have learned 10 think
OF that past experience as only sad
memory; but the letters from Calthorpe
revived all my thoughts of him. You
did not know how greedily / listened
to every word about him. and now
know that was only Il part OF the Gun
ming device by which he hoped to make
me forget his treachcry and win the
heiress, although he had forsaken the
poor sempstress
al thought that I hd'ed himh
"At last camc the hour which had
looked forward to as one of triumph
and revenge. He spoke: | spurned him
with such words OF contempt! He would
not speak. left him Standing there
crushed to the earth under my scorn.
He would not say he was sorry. He
would not even give me one parting
look of regret My revenge was com
plete, and
How | may act now can not tell,
! wish | could do something to make
him feel that hate him,
II think that ! ana dying. love
him with my whole heart. | dc
not believe that he was ia'se to Lucy OF
10 me.