The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-23
HUMOR.

burn all night is because the light is SO
small it is afraid to go out alone in the
dark. -- Chicago Ne,os.
The cheapest way to purchase. Buy
the yard.-Er. Not at all. Buy the
house and the seller will throw in the
ard.-Norristoion Herald.
AT public banquet the lion of the
evening is usually received with three
cheer and tiger. This shows that he
stands hyona crowd of giraffes.
A MAN at Omaha found 50 on the
street, and he advertised the find to the
extent of 81, and made the looser foot
the bill. 1t is sometimes disagreeable
to meet with an honest man.
NIBBs--"The policeman in my neigh
borhood is a trump, tell you. You
can always find him walking his beat
at night" Tibbs - "That's possible;
he may be q somnambulist."
BALL dresses will come quite low this
season.-London Queen. Dontgo off,
now, and order half-dozen; the above
statement does not refer to the price,
Cincinnati Saturday Night
The moralist says: Every man is oc-
casionally what he ought to be perpet-
ually." Then, again, some men are
perpetually what they ought to be oc-
casionally.-Ne,o Orleans Picayuns
MAMMA-"Why are you always beat
ing your doll? That isn't nice" Elsa
Eyes it is. must beat the doll, be-
cause I don't want papa to tell me, as
he always tell you, that l am spelling
my child"
A LADY taking tea at small COM
pany, being very fond OF hot rolls, was
asked to have another. Really, L cam
not" she modestly replied: IL don't
known how many have eaten already"
II do" unexpectedly cried juvenile
upstart, whose mother had allowed him
seat at the table. you've eaten
eight; I've been countin'!"
AT a restaurant steady customer or
ders two soft-boiled eggs. The waiter
promptly returns with two hard-boiled
eggs. "If you had served these eggs up
to new customer, sir" he would have
thrown them at your Internal stupid
head" eyes, sir; L know sir" replies
the waiter, smilingly; "but l wouldn't
have done it, sir; I'd have been more
careful, sir"
IT never rains but it pours. A New
port visitor, after long struggle, man.
aged to get foothold in society, and
all of sudden found that she had
been invited to nine dinner-parties, all
on the same evening. Utterly unable
to decide which to accept, she sat down
hal hot
made her eyes and nose so red that she
was ashamed to go to any.
SHE was asked what she thought of
one of her neighbors of the name Of
Jones, and with knowing look replied !:
"Why, i don't like to say anything
about my neighbors, but as to Mr..
Jones, sometimes l think, and then
again / don't know, but after all, I
rather guess he'll turn out to be good
deal such sort of a man as L take him
to be.-San Francisco Newsletter.
A GERMAN banker, for his services to
his Government in arranging loan, is
created Baron, and prepares to take
walk abroad, accompanied by his son
and heir. According to custom, the
young man respectfully takes his place
on his sire's left You may walk on
the right side," says the new Baron
tremendously; "you have one titled
ancestor more than l." And, as his
heir seemed surprised at this statement,
he adds majeStically, Il am that titled
ancestor, sir -
n MUSICAL man, accompanied by a
hand-organ and child, has been giving
street performances for the past week
on the streets of Austin After he had
twisted one of the Beethoven, soul-stir-
ring symphonies out of the instrument
of torture, the artist sent the child
among the crowd. A legislator, who
had just voted on the fixing of the per
diem of the members, disgorged a
nickel. Il wants anoder nickel" lisped
the child. what for?' dot nickel
You put in vas for de moosic, but mine
fodder ish n professional peggar,
pesideS'-T &C : SUtings.
II is that cute little boy Tom who is
accused this time He was permitted
| by his mother to make silent prayer.
The time which he occupied in kneeling
appeared to decrease each night, until
it was such an instantaneous drop and
rise that his mother exclaimed: "Why,
Tom, how can you be so wicked as to
deceive your mother? You know you
didn't have time to make a prayer"
"But / did mamma; know did "But
you were not on your knees quarter of
n minute" "But / said one to myself,
mamma" well, Tom, what did you
say?' II said, mamma, Lord, thou
| knowest.'"