The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-02-17
WIT AND HUM0R.


the yard
The man who lends his influence
rarely gets it back.
Many man who wears glossy boots
shines at the wrong extremity.
There is no excuse for snoring when
twelve clolhespins can be bought for
cent
The question which excites the drivers
OF public carriages is; Does hack or
coupe best
A trapc1e performer is at the height
of his popularity when his head touches
the circus canvas at the top,
The old saw Zine words butter no
parSnips' iSnow rendered elegant die
ton olcomargarinos no pastinaca edu-
lis -
You can buy the whole of Watkins
glen for 100000, and YOU can 90 and
visit It for three days for about the same
price,
10 stand on ones head is the most
difficult feat one can perform on ice,
and yet the new skater always tries TO
do it.
Everybody goes to Saratoga to drink
the water, but that doesn't explain why
bartenders there are paid 5000 month,
and 1t is hard to get them at that.
Ifyou kant trust a man for the full
= amount, let him skip. This trying to
Git an average on honesty has always
been u failure. Josh Billings.
Gen Sherman will retire from the
command of the United States army.
The name of the st. Louis reporter who
willtake his place has not been divuged
\ millinery house in Toronto has
failed for Sl50,OGO How the concern
came to have two spring bonnets left on
It's hands is not known,
4 cablegram says that Mr.. Gladstone
has started for Cannes. Being we'll
preserved man already, it is difficult TO
see why Mr., Gladstone takes the trip.
An oyster has been known to open its
she'll to hear the music of an accordion
II there was any doubt about the stu
pidity of the biyalve this settles il.
A broker on the New York Stock Elk.
change has been compelled to sell his
membership on account of crookedneSs
II 5 long broker that has no turn.
Pasteur, the eminent French scientist,
says it is dangerous to kiss person who
is fasting. When science interfercs with
duty it should be disregarded
The editor who saw lady making
for the only empty seat in the car found
himself crowded out to make room foi
more interesting matter
II rather annoys woman after she
has had some child cbristened some no.
mantle Indian name, to learn that the
name translated means "old boots
The War Department is seriously con
sidering the eNpediency of increasing
the standing army so as to have as many
soldiers as there are paymasters.
None of the rich men of America
keep a barber in the house, but prefer
to 90 TO a shop and wait half an hom
while man with bald spot is having
six hairs trained over it.
a long walk in the crisp winter ain
viii bring the bloom to the female
check Women who don't care about
walking lind that little rouge will pro
duce a similar effect
A bald-headcd man who has heard
that the hairs on a man head are mum
bercd, wants 10 know if there il not
some place where he can obtain the
back numbers.
First dispatch He shot himself by
accident Second dispatch; But they
are. however, examining the bad &C.
counts. ' Third dispatch Usual short
age OF between $4,000 and $4,000. -
1t !, now proposed to arrange a duel
between Messr, Gebhard and Cunning
ham on one side and tho American navy
on the other, This, t is thought, would
make an even fight
II see tha, you think man who il
going TO devote his ric 10 the work OF
a iragcdirn OUGHT TO have his boots
hall-,olcd My nwion is that he should
be wcll-hcclcd. ' Georgc G. .Hln
An English artist says Of Arab: "His
legs are ~ unattraclivc a. his face.
a, Arab does not propose TO come to
America and play Rosalind, We fail 10
see what that artist is driving at
That's lovely nccl,tie YOU have
ON, W she remarked Glad YOU like it.
! thought It rather neat myself" yes,
piece of il would look 80 we'll in the
/. 4.