The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-07
STOLEN SMILES.

Two hogsheads make ono Init hnt Il
takes only one gOat's head to do il.
Flattery is called 'tall'yn hecapso u
makes u man feel awfuIly stuck up"
There is a marked difference between
getting up with the lark and STAYING mo IN
have one. 'f w
There Is song called "Turn NV face n
the sea- 1t Is probably the wall of a
stuffed mermaid. q
10 has been discovered that the greet in
ducement that leads men to try 10 become
MEMBERS OF congress ~ the promised OK.
emptlon from arrest.
Threc-lourths OF the terror which ot
taches TO smallpox, saws the Springfeid
Globe, is legendary, Very likely. Int " "
tears man up terribly, though.
A Chicago doctor advertises "Don't
mlstake dropsy for consumption. That's
right ms constant msaking deliriI,m
tremens for malaria is bad enough.
The difference between long and short
yarn - very well illustrated by the differ
ence OF ones feelings in holding skein for
ones grandmother or for ones sweetheart.
Orpheus, when he played, made the rocks
come up, and his power seems to have de-
Scended to great many popular singers
\ on nave TO come up with the rocks if Won
want TO hear him. ''N
Vennor feels professional sensitiyeness
at the abuse OF Virgins, and says his uniyer-
sal cyclone VIII come on the 10Th OF March.
but people VIII not recognize it on account
of the heavy fall of snow at the time.
The late styles OF wall paper are 50 por.
geous that n family can no longer take com
tort wearing out old boots and split.baclz
vests around the house. Every body sort o.
ieels as II he was away on visit.
The Times of Chicago is of the op,nion
that II presidents term should depend unon
good behavior. Does the Times want a
presidential election every two weeks the
year round.-l Detroit Free Press
1t does look something as if the only wav
to stop these terminablc disasters A. sea
would be TO adopt.MaX Ada'er's suggestion
OF having a man walk along the bottom and
hoid the blamed things up with q pole.
A century since the Hawaiians were saw.
ages and cannibals. Now they use the tel.
ephone, have bank deiauters, support
gambling establishments, aud show other
evidences OF Christian enlightenment ard
modern civilization.
Reach me down that Webster Pat usaid
one OF our lately elected judges TO his clerk.
"One of thin doE-goned thaving newspa-
pers has been libelling me, and be iabbers,
] want stand 1t. The thaying blackguard
calls me forensic light
An Oregon paper shows the DANGER of
sudden lnterlerenCes in scientific pursuits.
a lot of brass buttons aud colored beads
found lying with certain homes led to the
conclusion that 1.-THE old rooster had sui
c'ded by swallowing soldier"
A hen-pecked husband read an account of
an Illinois Clergyman who dropped dead ss
he was about to unite u couple in marriage.
an he sighed, heavily, "thc minister
VINO married Sallie ard me postponed his
death until alter the ceremony"
Pious notions: When u California man
sees mo cards" at the end of a marriage no
tice OF friend, he remarks that that girl
mas put some OF her pious notions into Jim's
head, but he'll get over them after he has
been mairiedawhilc
Oscar Wilde spoke of America the other
day as land where the men have no
honor, the women no virtue, the flowers no
fragrance and the food no taste. You
Woulunt THINK man could get so stirred
up as that over little game OF bunko.
1t takes twenty blows of hammer in the
hanus OF woman to drive u tea.penny
nail three inches. She misses the nail
twice where she hits it once. How MANY
blows does she strike in all, and how lar
can her voice be heard when she strike, her
thumb? ''''
YES" said one CORTLAND lady to an.
other, recently, my husband sold out his
store some time ago" Then he's out of
business now" "Oh, mol He's in some
klnu OF business; manufacturing, guess;
for pork the other day"
An Englishman shooting small game in
Germany said to his host that there was a
spice OF danger. in shooting in America.
An SAID The host, You like danger nit
yonr sport. Then you 90 ont shootinr mil
me. The last time shoot my brudsr.in.
law in'thc schtomack "