Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-01-05
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.
Herr Most from Germany arrives,
And says he wants a dozen wives.
Take 'em, Herr Most, and let US hear
What you Will lecture on, this day year.

/ what you VIII lecture on, this day year
A missing New Yorker has fallen heir to
an Immense fortune. and his relatives have
sent out $4,000 circulars, apprising him OF
the fact, to the leading insane asyums and
newspaper Offices 10 the country. Whist does
that mean, do you suppose !?
Now, isn't all this gossip very silly,
About Ere ucbhard and the Jersey Lily?
Fashion papers in January -dressmakers
bills for the old yoar
Five million base-balls are made every
year. We'll, every ball puts the fingers Of
nine men out of joint, doesn't it Ten fin.
gers multiplied by nine are ninety. Ninety
times five million gives four hundred and flf-
~ million-four hundred and fifty million
crooked fingers every year. That's the uri,h.
metic Of it,
An impelsona'or Of Santa Claus in Mont
gomcry, N. Y, caught fire from the caudl, 5
on Sunday school Christmas tree, and
while the 70 r old fellow was in great straits
to save his hide, two street gamins who bad
joined the ,cnool oae week before Christmas,
plumber Il his sack of all the cahdy and or
anges Jeff, aud also s,racted knife and
thice DIM, lrOiu the mans individual pock-
les.
The editor of the Mobile Register says that
Christmas ana New Years cards are mighty
pretty things, bu, he'd deal rather sec n
scrap Of Wrapping paper, with his name on
it, tied to II turkeys leg, than a bushcl of
Prang's best Therc certainly is good deal
more OF the light sort Of sentiment in the
turkey tokcn-but then, it costs more.
There's nothing like leather. A young
man In the country, last Christmas eve, wish
ed 10 convey a small token f his regard to
the fair damsel of his choice, and according
ly climbed tree near her window-which
was open at the top-and slung the parcel in
Unfortunately, however, it knocked water
pitcher of the stand, and rpustd the whole
house. The young man proceeded to descend
with commcndable alacriy, when, about
eight feet from the ground, as he was sliding
down with lightning speed, The strap of his
boot caught on the projecting point of a bro
ken limb, and The young man suddenly be-
came inverted, after the manner Of tie finger
of glove, head downward. lie kicked fu -.
rlousy, and endeavored to strip The lcaihern
shackle from his leg with the hobnalls of his
other boot-hccl. But in vain. To add to
the horrors of the situation, the family dog
appeared upon the scene, and proceeded to
regalc hmse If with successive moulhfus of
fur cap and hair. Just as the door opened,
and savage CLEAN Of light shone out across
the snow, the swain grabbed the dog, and
their united weight broke the stub. Three
seconds later, n hailess figure dodgcl swiftly
along by the fence, ard The old gent cman
returned to the house, muttering, "Another
one Of them durn catamounts :"
Aud now wen have terrible weather,
With vennor and Virgins together.
They are manufacturing artificial eggs out
in Indiana. Once in a while they get CIT
fresh one, TO make the deception exact
"Mhat is The matter with Tommy 2" ask
ed n tired mother, rs one of her young
horcIuls set up most doeful and exasI er-
ating howl, "Oh, don't know sighed the
Youngsters little sister II s'pose he's only
opening the ball"
Clearing the snow from 81 ping roof is
no chids play as Bobkiis can testify. lie
lried il tue other evening Mrs Il. had teen
making a great fuss over the shed lo1fs
leaking on the kinding wold. "Wcll, well
I'll g. fix it this minute! ~ cried Blo5kins
il.nging down the PAPER. He tied Il lautein
to his button hole, took the STOW shovel, aud
climbed up through the scutte. The roof
!idnt lJok so very steep, as lie stepped out
upon it, and he proceeded 10 thrust in his
shovel. But somehow, it went deeper than
was nccesslry,-kept going, TIL the snow
came over the top Of the badr. Blobkins
was going too He made a frantic cndeavor
to turn around and reach the trap door. Too
ate-sc0osh-h-h! chucki = Two sma
boys were coming home from snow balling
u coas,ing patty. Hi : comet - yelled
one of them Get out --Nothern Light :"
bawled tine other. But when they reached
the spot where it fell they only found a
small hen-pecked man SPRAYING in n snow
DRIFT, with shoyel acros, him tack, and
broken lantern md halt ;,inr % oil in his
best stiff hat.
Invitations 10 attend tic coronation of
King kalakaus aud his queen, on the 10th
of February, arc out. Fortunately, we an
ticipated the event. and were measured for a
dres: -coat last November,
A woman with the ncongruous name Of
Fidelity Sparkcr has Just been married to her
sixth husband 1t would appear, after al,
that she has had some opportunity to indicate
the appropriateness Of both portions of her
name.
In Dakota forest a party Of hunters dis.
covered a man with II wc.l-deveopcd tail |
lie was book agent, ami WAS scliny u ten
part history of the Reformation to the ma
tivcs
Lightning recently struck II telegraph pole |
and ran along the wire into tie Office at
Coatsvile. Indiana, when the clerk seated at |
the instrument exciledly telegraphcd back
Don't send So fast
This decorative art business is being run
into the ground" quietly observed practi-
cal farmer. us h. drove down hand painted
cI Onupt s,ukr for a lettering most