River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-03-29
Boxing as a Temper-Preseryer.


Having read the statement Of a Har-
ward professor that boxing taught one to
keep the temper under adverse circum-
stances, Biggs thought he would try it.
So he put on the gloves, preparatory to
bout with Flanders, who kindly volun-
teered to assist in the experiment.
Two pairs of gloves gesti :ulated for the
space of one minute, perhaps, when
Briggs suddenly found himself sprawled
out on his back through the instrument
ta.ity of one of the gloves which were on
his own hands. Biggs arose with feel
ing akin to murder in his heart. He bad
not lost his temper yet, that was clear.
The experiment had thus far been sGc-
cessful, and he approached tho maulers
of Flanders with the increased conf
dence in the professors dictum, If not IN
his own prowess.
Flanders was ready, and very kindly
dealt Biggs a stunning blDw on the. pro-
boscis, sending him t2Tgrass. and draw
ing the claret in cYTious flow. Here
was adverse c,rcunNtance number two,
vet Biggs still preserved his temper; ii
anything his temper had increased rath-
err than dimini shed. and he rushed at
Flanders ia a manner which threatened
destruction to the latter; but, happily,
Flanders LEFT duke collided with Bigg's
port optic shutting out the daylight,
causing Biggs to paw the air in an aim
less fashion, and permitting Flanders 10
get in rib-roaster which doubled poor
Biggs into the shape OF capital U, with
the extremities i'll the air.
Adverse circumstance number three.
If there had been any doubt about the
matter before. that doubt was now for
ever removed. Biggs had preserved
his temper. He gotup, somewhat slow
w, not because of any Discrimination TO
wipe Flanders out of existence, but rath-
er because of physical inability to move
with his accustomed alacrity.
Flanders now showed himself the soul
of good nature. He not only drove two
or three teeth into Biggs's oe-ophagus,
but he also assisted Biggs to the floor
again. Although Biggs had become de-
cidedly groggy, and could rest in a re-
cumbent posture much better than upon
his legs, still the velocity with which
the change was affected was not exactly
soothing, and hence this downfall must
be classed as adverse circumstance num-
Der four.
Indeed, it would not be going beyond
the bounds of probability to affirm that
he now held within his bosom the COM
bined tempers Of the Biggs family of
twenty generations.
The professor was right. II was dig
tinguished exemplidcationsof his theory
thus far. Encouraged by this thought,
or by desire to expendite a funeral in
the Flanders family. Biggs crawled 10
his feet again. Flanders gloves we're
ready in the interest of science, however,
and Biggs sat down again with his re-
naming eye retired from business. His
nose was out of killer, both eyes we're
in mourning, there were half dozen
protuberances, each the size of a hens
egg, at convenient distances apart all over
his Uranium, the cuticie was detached
from divers parts of his body, one rib
was certainly broken. and he hadn't
breath enoC-h left to run q musquito's
pulmonary apparatus.
But his temper had been wonderfully
preserved. 1t had been increasing all
along in geometrical progression, until
now he had enough for an entire town
ship.
The professors words had been fully
verified. If any one had had any doubt
of the matter, he would have been con-
WINGED could he have heard Bigg's re.
marks as his component parts were
gathered up and placed on a shutter.
IT IS not necessary to repeat them here.
Suffice it to say that his observations be-
trayed an intimate acquaintance with
profane history and an inordinate desire
to tear the heart out of some blankity-
blank individual whose blamed theories
had got him to make such an ass Of him
self.
Yes; Bigg's temper was still there. A
mummy IN Egypts palmiest day was
never better preserved. The professors
theory had come out Of the orders with
flying coIors.
Science is great thing, and permit it
to linger in your recollection.