National Republican., 1883-05-21

A MEXICAN lady of rank, now visiting the
city of st. Louis, has her hair two and a half
yards long.
CzAR RoMANoFF is more popular in New
England than in Russia. His name sounds 80
much like rum enough Courier Journal.
A NEW York policeman has remained
awake long enough to have his photograph taken.
but his friends say the picture doesn't look
natural.
NEVER engage in anything you would not
open with prayer" says an orthodox divine. We
suppose especial reference is had TO jack pots.-
Omaha Republican.
BISMARCK Is daily becoming more emacisted.
II is terrible thing when the American trlchinR
begins TO crawl up the back Of a European states
man.-Co1rier- Journal.
THE new law in Arkansas fixes $40 rods 40
the legal distance between a church and saloon.
Some men make this lap in maryelously quick
time.-Peorfd Transcript
PATTI has to sing whole opera to earn her
$1,000, while Mr.. Sullivan walked away with
$500 for a little cavatina with Mitchell accom-
paniment.-S Louis Post Dispatch.
Ar a marriage which took place few weeks
ago at Newport in England, the bride was widow
aged SO, the bridegroom was bachelor aged so
and the bride was given away by her grandson.i
A TIME LATCH for garden gates is the latest
invention. That may work in some sections, but
what the Commercial Adueriser prays for is patent
front stoop on hinges that can be let down as sud-
denly as a table leaf.
THE sea captain who claimed to have seen
q turtle Off tho Grand banks over forty feet long
some weeks ago, died in New York the other day.
whisky will knock any man II he sticks to II long
enough. Post. Express.
The wicked Boston Herald says Sitting
Bulls baptism would be more efiectual IL he wero
immersed and "held under till he was done
past danger OF baokslidlng," as the negro Baptist
preacher served an obdurate convert.
Mrs. JONES, of Michigan, has started to go
to California on foot, and will lecture OF waysido
towns in the evening. As she carries big hickory
cane, there will be trouble and sickness for any
one who molests er.-Couricr-JourndL
"A New YORK paper says the Brooklyn
bridge is to be 'opsned with eclat' II any per-
sons thought II was to te opened with an oyster
knife or q crowbsr," calmly remarks the Norris.
town Head, "they will now 500 their error"
The police and the small boy are the only
persons who ride free on the street cars. The
small boy, however, is very careful not to 20 in
and crowd the passengers He thoughtfully pre-
fers to swing on the back steps, as not bo In the
way.
wished to say something about "the hard and
persevering work of our reporters" but when It
appeared In print 1t read The hard and per-
seyering work of our repeatcrs "-Anecdote Of Type
| Settlers
INDIAN girls in the Indian Territory uni-
versty are studying German, French, Latin aid
Greek, moral philosophy, political economy. and
other collegiate branches. This, says the Post
Express. comes Of naming an Indian Boston
Charley"
Two young city ladies In the country were
| standing by the side of wide ditch, which they
didn't know how to cross. They appealed to
boy who was coming along the road for help.
whereupon he pointed behind them with STAR
tied air and yelled "Snakesp' The young ladies
crossed the ditch at single bound.
The New Orleans Picayune thinks the COM
| posure of the northern bride who, at church
wedding tho other day, took hsirpin from her
head and fastened her glove during the ceremony
was equaled by the New Orleans bride who, when
| on her way to the altar deliberately stopped ana
turned around to survey the audience.
The people down in Georgia are digging
pits as a protection from future tornadoes. II
| hear you have dug pit to protect you from the
storms" said a Methodist TO Primitive Baptist,
Saturday. Eyes l have" was the reply. "Well.
fyou Hardshells who believe that whatever VIII
be will be anyhow have gone to digging pits, IL Ii
high time that we Methodists were at it"--Church
| Chimes.
| A CHINAMAN who is employed on the Orc
gon extension ns foreman, disappeared few days
ago with over 81 800 which he had drawn 10 pay
off the men. Notwithstanding these facs, no
blame is attached to the Chinamau and no efforts
| have been made TO apprehend him. The facts arc
that he was sitting on keg Of giant powder with
the money in his hand waiting for the men to
come up when the powder exploded.
GENTLEMAN: "You ask me for n small
gift, and do not even take of your hat from your
! head Is that any way to act2" Beggar; "Ex-
cuse me, most honorable sir, dare not do 1t, for
wonder stands q policeman. lfhe should see me
take my hat off 1t will occur to him at once that
am a beggar, and he will arrest me. Atpresent,
as we are now he merely supposes that we are
two old acquaintances having friendly chat
Fiegende Baetter.
A GENTLEMAN of Troy, N. Y, being desir-
ous of engaging soprano singer OF whose ability
he knew but little, wrote to friend who knew all
about her qualifications as a vocalist, requesting
full particulars 1t would appear that the lady
made considerable noise in "taking her breath,
but this is the way the friend expressed It: the
lady is agreeable in the choir reads well, sings In
good time has full rich voice and plenty OF con-
hdence, but her back draught is terrible"
A QUARTER deck is better than no ship
-. Die stuff is put up in patent medicine bottles
49,. The census should never be taken while 1t IL
hot. =. If an idle man has money he is not called
a loafer. "A man ought always to do right, even
when he knows he will get LEFT for it....After a
certain number of mugs of beer the weather be-
comes muggy to the drinker....The most notice.
able characteristics OF spelling reformers is that
they do not know how to spell. Nashville is to
have a theater. II she were q smaller town she
might have grand opera house.
A coUNTRYMAN went into a hardware store
in town yesterday to buy some spring farming i'm
plements and on feeling in his pocket for his
pocket book, which he did not ttnd, shouted out IN
a most excited tone, "rm robbed I'm robbed J.
The clerks and other customers rushed up to the
man, who was rapidly searching his pockets with
one hand while he gesticulated wildly with the
other: "whars that you've got In your othel
hand 2" said the proprietor, who had now reached
the scene of action. 1t was the lost pocket book
Boston Journal
A ST.. LOUIS pawnbroker says; we arc
the real detectives A man scomes here with
watch l do not believe is his. let him have JUS
as little omit as can A detective drops in,I show
Il To him He takes down the number and de-
scrlption, and the next day comes to me and say
that the watch belongs 10 old Watergas l tell hin
what have advanced on IL, and he goes to Ole
Watergas aud says, Your watch is 30 and 80, anc
It will cost so much TO get It, Tho money Ia paid
over and the watch returned. The next day
read of the smartness Of Detective Flycop, anC
laugh to myself"
SEVERAL years ago, according to the De
n ~. n