Western sentinel. [volume] (Winston [i.e. Winston-Salem], N.C.) 1856-1886, 1883-05-17
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THAT BAD MILWAUKEE BOY.
His Experience at a Funeral.
(Pech's Sun.

(Pech's Sun.
"Well, great Julius Casar's bald
headed ghost what's the matter with
you p said the grocery man to the bad |
boy, as he came into the grocery on
crutches, with one arm in a sling, one
eye blackened, and a strip ofcourt plas
ter across one side of his face" Where
was the explosion =? or, have you been
in fight? Or has your pa been giving
you what you deserve with club ?
Here, let me helpyou. There, sit down
on that chair. Well, by the great gunsl
you look as though you had called some
body liar. What's the matter?" And
the grocery man took the crutches and
stood them up against the showcase.
ooh, there's not much the matter
with me- said the boy in voice that
sounded all broke-up, as he took big
apple off a basket, and began peeling
it with his upper front teeth. "Ifyou
think [ am a wreck, you ought to see
the minister. They had to carry him
home in installments, the way they buy
sewing machines. I'm all right, but
they have got to stop him with oakum
and tar, before he will ever hold wa
ter again"
Good grrcious! You have not
had fight with the minister, have
you? Well, [ have said all the time
and [ stick to it, that you would COM
nit a crime yet, and go to state pris-
on. What was the fuss about?'' And
the grocery man laid the hatchet out
of the boys reach, for fear he would
get excited and kill him.
ooh, it want no fuss It was in
the way of business. You see, the liv-
cry man that I was working for pro-
noted me. He let me drive horse
to haul sawdust for bedding, first, and
when he found [ was real careful, he
let me drive an express-wagon, to haul
trunks. Day before yesterday, [ think
it was (yes, was in bed all day yes
terday), day before yesterday there
was a funeral, and our stable furnish
ed the outfit. 1t was only a common
eleven-dollar funeral, and they let me
go to drive the horse for the minister
you know, the buggy that goes ahead
Of the hearse. They gave me an old
horse that is thirty years old, that has
not been off of walk since nine years
ago, and they told me to give him a
loose rein, and he would go along
right. It's the same old horse that used
to pace so fast on the avenue, years ago.
but [ didn't know it. Well, [ want to
blame. just let him walk along as
though he was hauling sawdust andgave
him loose rein. When we got offofthe
pavement the fellow that drives the
hearse, he was in a hurry, cause his
folks was going to have ducks for din
ner, and he wanted to get back, so he
kept driving along side my buggy, and
telling me to hurry up. [ wouldn't
do it, cause the livery man told me
to walk the horse. Then the minister
he got nervous, and said he didn't
know as there was any use Of going sc
slow, because he wanted to get back il
time to get his lunch and go to a min
ister's meeting in the afternoon, but
I told him we would all get to the
cemetery soon enough if we took il
cool, and as for me wasn't in no sweat
Then one Of the drivers that was dfi
wing the mourners, he came up anc
said he had to get back in time to run
wedding down to the one O'Clock
train, and for me to pull out little.
have seen enough Of disobeying orders
and told him funeral in hand wa
worth two weddings in the bush, ant
: as far as was concerned this funera
| was going to be conducted in deco
e rus manner, if we didn't get back til
t the next day. Well, the minister sai'
e in his regular Sunday School way
: 'My little man. let me take hold Q
i the lines" and like a darned fool
e gave them to him. He slapped th
n old horse on the crupper with the line
; and then jerked up, and the old hers
S stuck up his off ears, and then th
e hearse driver told the minister to pul
: hard and saw on the bit a little, an,
) the old horse would wake up. Th
e hearse driver used to drive the oil,
n PAGER on the track, and he kne1
f Just exactly what he wanted, Th
It minister took off his black kid glove
and put his umbrella down between
us, and pulled his hat down tight OF
: his head, and began to pull and sa,
on the bit. The old cripple began t
move along sort of sideways, like :,
hog going to war, and the ministe
s pulled some more, and the hearse dri
e uer who was right behind, he said, s.
you could hear him clear to Waukesha
: 'Y-e-up, and the old horse kept goin.
e faster, then the minister thought tn
procession was getting too quick, ant
he pulled harder, and yelled whoa,
!. and that made the old horse worse
S and looked through the little win
t dow in the buggy top, behind and th,
hearse was about two blocks behind
t and the driver was laughing, and tn
E minister he got pale and said, I'm,
I little man guess you better drive,
and [ said Not much, Mary Ann
you wouldn't let me run this funera
the way wanted to, and now you car
boss it, if you let me get out, but there
was q street-car ahead and all of {