Daily Republican., 1883-11-16
MIRTH AND MERRlMEN ]

| Dlu any one oVeT Chll your aoIcHtioh
to 1t before % Oh, yes,' broke In
Henderson they we're walking out
together, and heard man remark:
=" How much the woman looks like her
son |" "No, no, that wasn't it, added
Henderson, seeing the cloud on Mrs.
Smiths face "what he said was :
How much that old fellow looks like
his mother =
The new attendant of the watering
place bookstore stood behind the counter
v it'll his head little on one side and a
white handkerchief around his neck,
" hen dainty summer sojourDer trip
ped in, and fixing her blue eyes upou
him, asked "Have you got New
port Aquarelle? To which, with a
t. aukiuI smile, he replied: No.
marm don't think ils nothin' but a
common bile"
Skumca, chief of the Umatilla tribe
in Oregon, mistOOk Jamaica ginger for
a new kind of beverage that both cheers
and inebriates, and drank twenty bot
Ties of the stuff A few minutes later a
more surprised Indian waa never seen.
He thought volcanic eruption from
Java had struck him where he lives, and
before dying he urged all his braves 10
look not upon the Jamacia ginger when
it burneth like prairie on fire.
A little four-year-old remarked to her
mother on going TO bed am not
afraid of the dark No, OF course
you are not, for it can't hurt you.
But, mamma, was II little afraid
once when went into the pantry ia the
dark to steal some honey What
were you afraid OF 2" asked the mamma
expecting to receive some stereotyped
pious reply. g was afraid couldn't
find the honey"
"What was the trouble between you
and other party, Mike, last EVENING"
inquired citizen of his Hibernian por-
tel. =" Well, yer see, sur, it was a bit of
hesitation on his part" A bit of hesi-
tation 20 Yes sur You see gave
him the choice av my two fists, an he
seemed 10 hesitate loike, an when
seen he couldn't make up his moind, l
list gave him thetwo av thin just for
luck"
A butcher enters lawyers Office
"Sir," he asks, "when q dog does
any damage, is not his owner RESPONSE.
ble?" Certainly" That being the
Case, as your dog has just carried OFT u
magniticet leg OF mutton from my shop,
you owe me ten shillings." "Nothing
could be more just, replied the lawyer,
land, fortunately, that is exactly the
the price of the advice have just
given you.
People should mind how they express
themselves at public dinners. We read
the other day that the builder of a
church now in course of erection in
New York, when the toast of his health
was given, rather enigmaticaliy replied
that he was "more fitted for the scat
fold than for speaking
81 sha'nt be gone long" remarked
Juniper, as he left the house the other
evening. "Not going anyw here in par
ticular only going out to take the
air." BE careful you do not come in
air-tight," was the injunction of Mrs.
j., whose knowledge of Junipers's 8 fai J.
ing had not begotten confidence.
A., 10 astonishment " say, your
top. coat is covered with dirt! b.,
calmly: 1t fell into the gutter as
| was coming home from the cluo last
might" A., in surprise "Why
didn't you keep better hold of it ?!"-
b., still calmly Because had it Oh
at the time
"How can keep the cattle from
breaking down the fence TO get into my
garden at night q. said an Austin man
10 neighbor. That's easy enough. "
But how can 1 keep the cattle from
i,, Il no 90 o lAav
ing the gate open.
Fellow citizens" said a candidate
for Congress out west" not long ago,
you are well aware that | never went
TO school but three times, and that was
u night school. Two nights the teacher
didn't come, and tother night hadn't
any candle"
He slipped quietly in at the door, but
catching sight of an inquiring face over
the stair-rail, said Sorry so late, my
dear, couldn't get a car before So
the cars we're full, toc," said the lady,
and further remarks were unnecessary.
A Chicago daily paper contains the
following advertisement :" PERSONAL
Wanted, hand to hold mine own as
down lito's vale glide ; wanted an
arm to lean upon for ever ny my side.-
Address Miss Emma H., Handsin,
Chicago, p. o.
Two gentlemen were lately examin.
ing portion OF a plOw III market,
place. T" I'll bet tive dollars" said one
you do not know what this is for. V
: " Done, said the other 1T Is tor
sale" The bel was won and the
wager paid.
Spinks went home the other night
afflicted with double vision. He BAT
for sometime with his sleepy gaze rivel.
3 ed on Mrs. s., and then complacentiy
remarked: Well, | declare II you
two gals don't look 'nough alike to bt
twins"
Yes," said the Vermont deacon,
; always go down to camp meeting, and
always come back feeling good. Dt
you see that maguifcen horse there in
The field ? Well, you ought to have
seen the old plug took down there"
Mistress to new cook !" Now, Sarah,
if you are strictly honest and economi.
cal, will give you something OK ra per
month" New cook Thank you
ma am 1 will think over it, and lot YOU
know in the evening.
81 tell you," said Poots, There's a.
indescribable sense of luxury in lying
III bed and ringing ones bell for his
valet" You got valet - exclaimed
poots' friend. NO." replied Poots
"but I've got bell. -
A widow once said to her daughter
! When you are at my age, 1t will be
time enough to dream OF husband. u
"Yes, mamma" replied the thougbtles
girl, !" for second time" The mother
tainted.
! tits mean wretch who will slyly
drop a hair-swiIch In car loaded with
:. women, and theu smile A. he s. es every
i woman make grab for the back OF he
b mead when she notices IL.
A Gardiner (Me. )man wills $1,000 e
{ the Methodist Church there on condi
l l.. BAL Ia.