The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-01-03
LIE CHEME DIES CHR0NIQUES.

1 LIZ GhE DGS O0 hONA&UEo
What the Alleged Wits of Paris Find to Say in
| Their Newspapers.
You Internal scounirel, didn't tell you
to call me at o'clock so that I could catch
the steamer"
Yes, sir; but you see, sir, you were
| sleeping so nicely didn't have the heart to
waken your
| Happy thought:
meP
Cut your with sad surprise and
affectionate reproach) Oh. no, sir. 1t
| is only the towel that s bleeding--thats
all, sir"
My dear child, you and your husband
should never quarrel in this fashion. 1t is
very bad form and wholly unnecessary
too. You should always endeavor to please
| him-never to want anything he does not
want"
That's just what the trouble isl want
to be master-and so does her
#*
The extremity of forethought:
Methodical man going through the for
malities of an introduction-'Le me
present you, sir, to my wife and my daugh-
ter. The elder lady is my wifep
*x*
The feast was set the guests were met,
when young man entered in.
Sir" said he to the master of the house.
Il have come to you upon a very imper
tant mission. Were it otherwise. I should
not have ventured to call upon you upon
this suspicious day, when, as perceive,
you are about to celebrate the betrothal of
your fair daughter Still, as it may save
you SO ,000-but if you are engaged will
retire."
by no means. my dear sir, by no
MEANS" said the father of the bride ex-
pectant, warmly; 1--WE are just about sitting
down to- dinner, but join us, and after din
ner we can discuss matters"
The young man allows himself to be in
duced to join the jovial company, where
he eats for two and drinks for three
At the conclusion of the feast the father
escorts him to private apartment aud
begs him to reveal his business.
Il think, sir. he says to the stranger,
offering him a cigar of prime quality, that
you observed that you could show me how
to save $4,000.
says Inc Stranger,
the cigar. Now you intend marrying
your daughter to that amiable but some
what weak minded youth down stairs, and
giving her a marriage portion of $4,000.
Give her to me, sir. and I'll take her with
half the money. Thatll leave you $10,-
900 aheadP'
The old French banker. Pont. was by no
means lacking in T1raSeuee of mind iS
indicated by the following anecdote.
Once upon a time, in a crowded church. |
he felt some one brush against him and
then missed his watch.
Knowing that the thief could not have
gone very far he contented himself by re
marking aloud.
'.Well, if that isn't the first time I ever |
knew one of our fellows to rob- another one |
of the gang"
His confidence was not misplaced, for as |
he was going out well dressed gentleman |
slipped the time piece into his hand, with /
the words:
Excuse me, sir, L didn't know you be-
longed to the perfeshi'
80
II say. fatherl' observed an irreverent
passenger on a ferry boat to a good priest
whose mule was displaying signs of une s.
mess as the bark pushed off, .your mule
seems rather uneasy"
my SON." said the good priest, with
mild reproof, some of these days when
you find yourself with only thin plank |
between yourself and eternity, halter |
round your neck and a priest patting you
on the shoulder, you'll be great sight |
uneasier n this ere muller
~
On the eve of the election of Clement
XIV to the Papacy he was waited upon by |
four cardinals, who urgently insisted that |
it was absolutely necessary that he should |
be elected Pope.
Brethren he said. IF this is a joke |
there are too many of you, but if it is in |
there are not enough of your