Connecticut western news., 1883-06-20
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
 OVER THIS WEEK.
Students Trick-WOuld not accept the Place-Peck's Sunbeams-A Batch of Clippings. Etc., Etc.
CLIPPINGS,

teachers, who have watched over us with such solicitous care, and have so carefully trained us to love the beautiful, the true, and the good, we bid an affec- tionate, though 8 sorrowful farewell. At home-"Well, I'm just glad school Is over, for if any girl was tortured to- death with useless lessons and merciless teachers, I was that girl. Oh what re- lief to think that my education is fin ished. "-OU Cty Derrick.
 MERCHANT ''The article is first class, madam; and $1. 50 yard is very cheap. If we hadn't got four months time on it if we hadn't bought it on credit-we couldn't sell it to you at that price. If we had paid cash, it would have cost $2 8 yard, madam" Mrs. Brown-"Yes, I know it must be cheaper to buy on time. My husband tells me to purchase all can get on credit. I think I'll take sixteen yards, and you can just charge it to MT. Brown. "-Ieras Sitt- ings.
 THE latest American" story going the rounds of the European press is that of traveller of that nationality who found it necessary to excuse his inability to join in the hilarity of other travellers because of his poverty. "Gentlemen, !" said he, "I know am more or less of 8 saturated blanket on this party; but the fact is l am @ very poor man-steeped to the lips, I may say, i'll impecuniosity. When I tell you, in strict confidence, that this is my wedding tour, and I have been compelled to leave my wife at home, you can form an idea of the narrowness of my resources"
 MAMIE having been helped twice to everything on the table, slid down, when the coffee came in, from her chair, with sigh. "There now," said her mamma, 'I suppose you have eaten so much that you feel uncomfortable. ''Don't," re- piled Mamie, quickly, with toss of her little head, ':I only just feel nice and smooth. "-Harper Basar.
 TEAcHER-'In the sentence, Mary loves John,' what does John agree with ?' Bright scholar--"W Mary. ' Teacher-"W Mary! How do you make that out?" Bright scholar "'Cause Mary wouldn't love him if he didn't agree with her."
 ''SAY, Pat, what ever made you go tc work for Uncle Dan? He's the meanes man in the country" ''Mane is it ? said Pat; "why, sure an he's the foinest he gives man fifteen hours to do days work in."
 PICKS sUNuEAMs.
 GIT has cost over one hundred anc fifty thousand dollars per year to main tain the pleasure yachts for the queer and princes of England" If it costs a. much as that to run 8 pleasure yacht Jay Gould is not going to make mucl by selling his newspaper and going into the pleasure yacht business. He could lose more than that with his newspaper and besides have good deal more fun.
 THE SUIT brought by a New York mal against Pennsylvania railroad for thir ty thousand dollars, for the loss of a le, in an accident was decided against tn man because he rode on pass. If tn railroad company think they can frightel newspaper men into paying their fare by any such means they will get left Editors have rode on passes too man, years to be frightened off by one suit o this kind.
 IT is reported that vast amount c money will now have to be spent in re pairs of the Atlantic cable. The grea strain upon the cable in sending owe such large number of Russian name averaging from six inches to four feet i length, for that long and exciting perio
 during the coronation exercises has, it
 supposed, nearly ruined the entire cabl system.
 | CONSIDERATE DULCINA.
 AN Aus tin colored servant was told t
 bring some refreshments into the pal
 Tor. To the amazement of the guests
 she came into the parlor holding tn
 tray in one hand and carrying the hous dog under her arm.
 "What do you mean by bringing tho : dog into the parlor?"
 ~"You seem, dars colored gemma
 out in the kitchen, and he am skeere ter be lief alone wid dis heah dog, so had to brung him long" "-SJtimgs. IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM.
 Smart Mamma, I've a conul drum. Do you know why that stor
 papa told you about being kept out s , late taking stock at the store is like tn ) Lotion, advertised in the evening pt per?"
 ) NLother.-" What are you talkin about, child?"
 Smart Boy.-"Well, heard Majc Brunson ask papa how the old W oma took the yarn about being kept out lat taking stock,' and they beth laughed and papa said It just worked like } charm;' and here is man, writing 3 the evening paper, says that he rubbe the Liver Lotion on three times, ar that it just worked like a charm f The smart boy got cuffed by his mott 3 CT and locked up under the stairs by h r father, and he has learned that conu e drums of that brand are not safe to ha 0 dle.-Austin Sittings.
 y TOO MUCH COMPETITION.
 ''You have always had the reputatit a of being an honest man-how, then, is
 that you have been guilty of theft
 asked an Austin Judge of man WI l. had been arrested with stolen proper