The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1883-08-11
If not paid in advance. SIPS.
WISE AND oTRERw1sG.

Singular ep,tlph' General Tom
Thumb is dead. Pesco to his ash"
---"oh, where stall I find rrst'' sang
a lovely poetess. Why, darling, get q
position as saleswoman In store that
doesn't advertise.
The light Of friendship il like the
light of phosphorus seen plainest when
all around is darl,.
-He-"May call you reveng ?" She
Why" He-"Becuuse revenge Is so
sweet" S5e-"Certainly you may, pro.
vtded, however, you will let me cnll you
Vengeance. Ho-"Aud why weuld you
call mo Vengeaace?" She --"lB. cause
vengeance is mine" And she became
his in few months after
-"DOn't be afraid, > said a snob to n
Gsrmsn l&borer, "sit down and make
yourself my equal" al would hsff to
plow my prain out" was the reply of
the Teuton.
You emit make hay while tho sun
shines. if you hirt with grass widows.
dancer Us: A well dressed gentle.
man sauntered mp to q street-car driver
on Austin avenue TO ask him what time
it was, when the driver, with an empha-
tic gesture, called out: Keep away
rom that mule. He kicked at dude
yesterday. he isn't afraid of anybody =
Oar is many rule what won't work
both ways. Whiskey will produce
headache but headache won't produce
whiskey., ."
--"The idea ofputing John on inryl'
exclaimed Mrs. Tompkins, when she
heard that her husband had been drawn.
"TheY might as well order new trial
right off. They won't get John TO ngree
on verdict. lie is tie most obstinate
man eve- saw. never knew him 20
agree with his own wife in anything, and
it isn't at all likely he's going to ngr,e
with people he don't know anything
about. A pretty jurymsn he isl'
In the weakest rlace;. "Good morn
ing, AIR Smith; how are you?" mod ad
all well thng you. I've fearful code id
by head" "IrS a strange thing abont
colds, isn't it?" "IIow do you bead?"
"Why. they always settle in the weakest
place
In Boston: Say, sis," remarked the
high school girls brother, "you ought to
see new chap we've got at the store:
he don't know beans" Can I never
teach You to use proper languag'2" in
qnired the high school girl, severely;
'Yon should not say. He don't tnow
beans, but He IS not sufficiently versed
in botany to recognize tho matured
ovule of a common leguminous plant"
-rETER COOPER once said: I'm all
towns where newspaper is published
every man should advertise IN it, even
it nothing more than n card stating his
name and business heis engaged in. 1t
does not only pay the advertiser, but it
lels people at a di-tauce know that the
town you reside in is prosperous COM
munity of business men. As The seed is
sown SO tho fruit recompenses. Never
pull down your sign while you expect
to DO business"
B iLBurhette snys that his invalid
wife made him all he is. "That's rightP"
mutters the woMAN's JOURNAL; "blnme il
ali on your wife"
Tie Tarosol question; Before mar.
ringe--"Excnse me. George. Did my
parasol hurt yon?" "Oh. no. my dear il
would be a pleasure if it did" After
marriage Great heavens! There was
never woman under the sun that knew
how to carry parasol without scratch
ing fellows eyes ont" Sand there
never was a man that knew enough Ia
walk on the right side Of u woman With
a parasol" "rbers isn't any right side
to woman with a parasol.
| "A "whisilipg buoy" has been placed
in the ocean at Southeast Ledge, That,
right. There is number of whistlinG
boys in this town who shorld also bt
placed in The oceau--as near the bottom
as possible.
The restaurant on the Like Shcr,
Road at ashtabula is kept by n veteran
baker A sprightly young traveller com
planned of one of the pies the other day
The old man became angry. "Youul
man = said he severely. II made pies be
fore yon were born" "Yts," rtsponde,
the traveller, Il guess this must he on
of those slme pies"
: AN Erie, Pa, paper prints stor
about minister in Mercer who cured
7 dog of paralysis by praying over it fo
: an hour, We dou't doubt it, a praye
/ yu hour long. by some preachers, woul
I make wooden dog get mp aud walk.
The boat has turned over an
drowned your son." said man, ~
pronching a fishing party, and al Iesi
ing an old gentleman. Great Gooc
ness" exclaimed thu old gent, hn,sun
into tears. 'Hs was my hope in Il
life. lie was the best boy in the plw,
i and beside that be had the bait cup wit
him."
FIFTEEN HOURS a DAY.
/ Last week, nu engineer aud a fir, mn
~, - E..-li.i. l.. L. IL L -