Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-05-17
sPooPENDYKE.s PRESS.


bringing small bundle In his arms.
''It's a printing press on which ex-
pect to do my printing hereafter he
said.
"Oh, but isn't that lovely!" futtered
Mrs. Spoopendyke, dropping the work
and rushing to her husbands side;
sand can't we do the loveiest thing with
it? Is it the kind the Herald, and Sun
and all those papers are printed with?''
sob, yes Mrs. Spoopendyke,"
growled her husband, ''you've hit it
exactly. This is the very kind. 1 got
Mr.. Bennett to kindly try it on. so as to
get it the same size as the Herald is
printed on.''
''And will you print papers on yours
like Mr.. Bennett and the other editorsP''
continued Mrs. Spoopendyke, timidly.
"Oh, but won't l though?'' yelled
her husband. 1t needed dod-gasted
idiot female to think of that; you've
struck the proper plan. Think you can
print 50x4O show bin with SKA pressP
Well, tell ye that We can't. Can ye
get into your measely head that this is
a card press, and can only print card
three inches by four inchesP"
''FOh, its a card press is itP'' ventured
Mrs. Spoopendyke; ''then we can print
those beautiful Christmas cards on it,
can't weP''
SHOW you've got it, yelled her hus-
band, ''that's the idea. It prints in
thirty-hve colors at one impression, and
any design from an old crank with
seal-skin overcoat, loafing around some
body's chimney with game-bag full
of jumping-jacks, to the New Year,
1888. represented by hump-backed
baby dressed in broad grin, with an
united napkin around his waist, driving
out the old year, dressed as an old
tramp, with moving machine and a
gallon jug of whiskeV under his arm.
That's the idea exactly. Think you
can print chromos and Autographs on
it, don't youP- Well you can't. You
can only print one color, and that is
black. Think you can grasp it nowP
swell" says Mrs. Spoodendyke, ''1
suppose you can print visiting cards on
itP''
eyes Mrs. Spoopendyke, CAM said
her husband in softer tone; and he
grew in. much better humor as he pro-
ceeded to show his wife the press, and
exhibit his dexterity in the use of the
type and press.
At last he got his worthy helpmeet's
name set up in type, and proceeded to
ut the chase on the press with grand
flourish. But in an evil hour he had
forgotten to key it up, and at a touch
the whole business went to pi, and at
the next fell in a confused mass on the
carpet.
"What makes it do that ?" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke laughing.
EWhat makes it do that, Mrs. S. PSI
sneered her husband, as he hit his head
on the corner of the table, in a mad
dive after the type. ''What dye s'pose
makes it do ftp What makes anything
do anythiugP If had your talent for
asking idiotic questions, I'd get glass
of beer and a three inch paper collar
and hi, e out as pesecuting attorney"
By this time the worthy gentleman
had got her name set up and securely
fastened, and was printing with great
gusto; but he had. unfortunately, set
up the types in wrong order, and the
first eight perfumed visiting cards came
out like the following:
.ekgonepoopS SIN
When Mrs. Spoopendyke saw it she
set mp little scream, sob, isn't it fun
ny thought " hat makes it wrong
side upP''
''Funnyp' howled her husband with a
horrid derison, as he grasped the stu
alton. ''It's perfect thunderbolt OF
fun. It's the most deliciously humer-
Gus thing of the century. All you
need is an advertisement of liver pills
on the cover, and joke about a goat
on the first page, to be comic alma
nae. With your appreciation of humor
all you need is broad grin and $4,000
worth of stolen diamonds, to be the
leading comednne of the American
boards. Can't you see the measley
types turned wrongP They have only
got to be turned round the other way"
After another hour of diIligent labor
the type were again in position, secure
" keyed up and put on the press.
When the final arrangements were
completed Mr.. SpOOpendyke turned
around to wink at the baby, and incau-
tiously left his thumb over the edge Of
the press. As luck would have it Mrs