The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1883-08-14
THE RELIGIOUS EDITOR.
In the Absence Of the Sporting
Editor BE Tackles Base Ball.


ment was terribly rushed, and 1t was
found necessary to assign the relig-
ious editor to a base ball match He
watched the game through patiently,
and the next morning submitted the
following report: g
A very refreshing season Of base
ball was experienced in the Capito-
line Vine yard yesterday afternoon
affording exceeding unction to con-
grcgation of fully two thousand souls.
Brother Murphy, of the Brooklyn class
first welded the rod, even as did
Moses at the rock of waters, and
shifting the ball with prodigious smite
was richly blessed with two bases.
1t then became the blessed privilege
of Brother Fitzgerald to stand forth,
but despite his most feryent efforts,
Divine Providence, ,interfered with a
foul tip, and the brother harvested
naught. During this season Brothef
Murphy had experienced achange Or
bases, garnering unto himself the
third thereof whereat there was
great rejoicing, mingled with lamen-
iation and rending Ofgarments among
the disciples of the conflicting tribes.
At this critical point in the salvation
of the class Brother Maloney came
among them as physician of souls
but the sheayes of great rejoicing
were not for him. Like Jacob he
wrestled, and like Nathan he fell, for
his adversaries were plenteous and
their wisdom that of the serpent,
for as much when he smote the ball
SO that it scared, they that were as
Ph.listines unto him did congregate
around about that the ball might not
escape them and did hold forth each
man his hands, until their fingers in
number were like unto the lilies of
the valley, and they seized the ball
and bore it thence in triumph.
Look here! howled the managing
editor when he had reached this
point. What's all this got to do with
it?
Anything the matter inquired the
religious editor.
This is no way to write up a base
ball match, protested the managing
editor. .ff-tt f1Hi
Why not? Indignantly demanded
the religious editor. What's the mat
ter with it2 That's the way they did
it and that's my way of doing it
up.
But, man alive! exclaimed his sup
erior, this reads like a sermoa.
Very well, any objections to SER
mons? asked the religious editor
tartly. If You don't like my style of
business you'd better send some secu-
lar cuss to the next ball game. =
Listen to this, mani said the mana
ger, reading from the account:
In this, the eleventh hour, Brother
Gilhooly essayed through cffectual
shifting to turn back the host that be-
set his brethren, and save unto Broth
er Murphy the rich harvest Of his
requent exertions by welcoming him,
to the haven of the home plate. But
his enemies prevailed against him, so
that when the ball had been driven
from him by mighty cast of the bat
they threw it with a marvellous direct
ness unto one Of their number, yea
even unto him who was upon the first
of the bases, and he smote Brother
Gilhooly hip and thigh, so chat he fell
and the high priest cried aloud in a
great voice, saying. All out!
That's all consistent with the facts,
said the religious editor as the man.
aging editor looked up. If there's
anything there that amt so I'll buy
you hat! , A
That's all rightl proclaimed the
managing editor, but the style! See
the style. 1t sounds like the Bible!
Then it's the Bible you object to'
retorted the religious editor, Itisn't
the game, it's the Bible.
How many people who admire base
ball are going toaunderstand your ac-
count Of yesterday? demanded the
managing editor. e'psf '',H,
OF course, if you put it in that way
replied the religious editor scratching
his ear.-[Brooklyn Eagle. ~ =