The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

That the vacuum back of his well-banged brow.
Fer his air serene and his weli-cut coat
Are the sails WHICH move his social boat
And the wind blows low or wind blows high.
A dude he lives, and 4 dude he'll die,
We have had The stone age, the
bronze age and the iron age. The pres
ent appears to be the dynamite age.
Birds of a feather make the money
fly when it comes to women's head
gear.
A wise young husband won't try to
humbug his mother-in-law more than
once.
The new Bey of Tunis is deaf and
shortsighted. Lucky man. He has 800
wives.
The question which excites the driv-
ers of public carriages: docs hack or
a coupe best?"
The greatest talker in existence
could not talk long enough to tire
wagon wheel.
Miss Brown married Mr.. Sorrow the
other day. 1t is supposed that their
children will be twins, for you know
that sorrows never come singly.-Grit.
A Boston clothing house advertises
that its Spring overcoats are ''made
upon honor. tastefully trimmed, and Ell
egantly finished
According to botany-or perhaps it's
natural history-there is such bird as
the horned lark. How many horns
does it take to make lark? Cheek.
A young man never feels so utterly
Insignificant, cheap, and useless as when
HIS wife has gone out shopping and for
the first time left him to look after the
baby.
Compared with the San Francisco
broker, Mr.. Joaquin Miller, poet, says
that The New York broker is dog. 1t
might be to Mr.. Miller's advantage to
get vaccinated for hydrophobia.
The young man who passes the fore
part of the evening showing his best
girl the Big Dipper, should not stop on
his way home and examine small glass
tumbler.-Cheek.
Talk about truthful woman" said
an Arkansas man. my wife took the
lead. Why, sir, some time ago she said
that she wouldn't live three weeks
longer. and blamed if she did. ar
EdnSdaC Trdueler.
Blue horse, Sioux Indian in the Pine
Ridge Agency in Dakota, says that he
is ''going in the white mans ways"
1t cannot be that he has become bank
cashier, and is about to abscond.-Roch-
ester Democrat.
An Elmira man has contracted to sup
ply an eastern firm with 1.00O,0 600
broom-h handles. And yet it is necessary
to introduce the whipping post in sew
eral States for the punishment of wife
heaters.
An item is going the rounds to the eff
feet that Don Jose de Salamanca, the
famous Spanish banker, once gave
dinner that cost $4,000 He must
have put diamonds in the hash instead
of the customary cobble-stones. -De-
troit chat.
At wood-cutting contest in Mexican
county, Pa, few days ago, two women
won the first prize for croSS-cut saving.
There are probably few divorces in
Pennsylvania. A great deal can be
overlooked in wife who can saw all
the wood.
A young lady was recently asked by
her gallant what she considered the
height of impudence. Looking archly
at him, she said: Spark girl for three
solid hours and never offer to kiss her"
1t is needless to say that he is not 50 inn
pudent now.
''Woman's rights!'' exclaimed Phil
adelphia man when the subject was
broached. ''What more rights do they
want? Ny wife bosses me; our daugh-
tiers boss us both, and the servant
girl bosses the whole family. It's
time the men were allowed some rights -"
Heard in the suburbs: Good morn
ing. Mr.. Blank. Pa told me to bring
back your snow-shovel, which he bor-
rowed last Fall and says ne will be
very much obliged if Won will lend him
your spade and rake and wheelbarrow.
He says he will send the spade back
in time to borrow your lawn-mower. "
A rule of the railway companies pro-
vides that dogs shall not ride in passen-
ger carriages, but a big and ferocious-
looking bulldog. appropriated whole
seat, and rode 200 miles unmolested.
''He had such meaning SMILE was
the. guards apology for not ejecting
him
Village postmaster to his wife-''Here
is postal-card to Mr.. Jones saying
that his brother and five children viii
be here on Saturday. Now, keep that
card back till then, and | will be at the
depot; and when they find no one to
meet them l will take them all over for
49,"
kitty, dear" cried the lover, as he
yearned hungrily over the back gate.
''you are the sum total of nv hearts
calculation, and though | hoped to gain
by your addition, YOU set me at naught
and leave me but to sigh" Just here
the old man solved the arithmetical
harangue by footing him up the alley
Boston Post.
A well known dry goods man of this
city advertised last week something
entirely new in the fiannels at our
house" During the week several of
his married lady customers have asked
him if it is a boy or girl, and as the dry
goods man Is an unmarried man, he
don't know how to answer EUdns-
Cilte Argus.
A Georgia maiden became so interest
ed in recent church wedding at that
place that just as the clergyman had
finished his list of questions to the bride,
she unconsciously took up the response
and answered, Il will'' in place of the
bride. This unexpected event par
alyzed the minister and caused pain
full silence in the audience.
Generosity itself: A man was quietly
munching on piece of pie in a saloon
Friday morning when a look of distress
suddenly displaced the serene express
sion on his face. Taking something
from between his teeth, and looking at
il, he cried to the waiter: "Here. you.
there's q stone | found in this pie?'
The waiter took it. glanced at it critical
", and. handing it back, briefly said:
Its no good TO us: YOU can have it. >
Where he weakens:
We may live without love, ana live without
heart;
We may live without hope, and live without
art:
We NAV live without friends, and live without
books;
But whore is the man who can live without
cooks?
Va. .,sg- ~