News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-29
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND TO LAUGH OVER IN
THEM.
Tho Newer Arithmetic Wanted 20 be POsted
Cusbiers-The New sfudcnt-An
Editors Jokes, Etc. E''-

and sees tbe quarter Of an inch OF fore
head. She saws to herself 81 am dan
gerous they want to look out for me.
She thinks she IS all right, Int she ID
constantly doing that which glrl Wh"
wears her hair brushed back would not
tbinI, Of doing, The bang girl may be-
long 10 church, and may try to put Oh
mons look while the hymn is being read.
Rpt she will look ont from behind these
bonos sideways at some meek and lowly
vorTo, Christian who is trying to get his
mind fvaJ ON tbe ivmu. and he will get
his mind on her. and it viii break hlm all
~, and me won't know whether he IS
sinoino "a Charge to Keep Have or
She's a Daisy" The bang girl may
Mace her bangs down on the back OF the
new ahead of her during the morning
PRAYER. and try to he good, but her cor
set will he too tight, and as she h1tcheS
around to ease the pain one eye Wlli ri7e--
like the morning sun over the PACK ol
the pew, and that eye viii catch the eye
of a young man two seats TO tle Il8n''
who is trying to cover ms face win one
hand while he tries to keep the lies OH
the pomade on his hair with the other,
and his interest i'll the prayer Is knocked
into a cooked hat.
The banging Of girls haT changes
! the whole nature OF the little WfeUcn' an"
she becomes as a gun that is loaded
You take a picture Of g Evangeline and
bang her hair, and she would look as
though she would "run at people.
How would Mrs. Van Cott, the female
preacher, look with her hair banged? IL
is inst the same with boys You take a
nice mons Sundav-school boy who can
rcneat 200 verses of the New Testament,
ond ont bis hair with clipper, and he
looks like Tho Wilson.
THE NEW STUDENT.
Some COLLEGE "Sophs" could not ex-
ist # thav we're NOT Dlavina Jokes or haz-
inc. tbo freshmen new student at
Dc;,oo+o, ooIIooa who wanted to get
,,,,,,,a Ill oIo+I,og ,,,osbad was sent to
a., 1,a,,ao of . oroh1,od and identified
r'oIr-'':l' H. 7,.,-,,,or, ,, said
-, .1,,t g 10 +1,in1,s ro,, are Il
ero,bn,o,, bo ,,-iII +,.v 20 ir,nose some bio
IreSHllith lie VIII UIS ~ ili' l'''0
story on you. Don H''liloi !lili' ,.
don't let him give you any OF ms gun
''He shall not DO that, SAID the lreSH-
man
Imagine the surprise of the old scholar
when freshly spread out all his shirts and
collars before him and gave minute di-
ractione nc to nrassino ont the rlffies and
,..1;-1,;,,s. a., ,,1,,4, Tbo 1it+1a follow
-. III -
'ie'''e'' III "a 'l''ii',' H.;
"SN7'' 'naS o''1 Seil'l,ll-',- ~ 4I.at 10
,'g 51 ,l' 'Ilt, l -'ti,y en-, 7asorLod Inv +ba
T. o;7 u,'+ rbo
'0l ''l''i'-o -. ,,.i+1, .
saw l'i0io'''0- ct:4 -
''',il ''l'CIos9 VI 'll lrli' 49,, ,f rLo
'el'T d lieoIi!ii''li " 'llo - o.
- ,,,.,,,.,,,7 41,,,,, =, q
neg iioolil5 t',''.l,' - - rar,orl,ino
,lo''s p''--,'-, ~ aIIa - 10 +ho,,,
nc. ~ a,,,, ,,,t of +l,o bnsi-
49," 49, ~ TIo 49, f.asI,,,o,, discovorod his
l,I,,,7o,. tI,,.,o ,,,o,,+1,s lotto, ,,,a, he was
l1,-If a., 60 +ir,o e. ,ttopd ,
~, - ~ '.,s
'''.''' : THE NTwEn ARITHMETIC.
| AT eG Der ton how many tons of coal
can be bought for S24? THE green
horn viii answer g four tons.'J
y 'i''ii 5'lI " o4,,t ISL. ,,7tI,l -, |i, aII
--.,t - ~ tI,i,.1 All a., o,,.,,o,. of tI,a
f,,,r+T borso ,,,ns hin, tJ,rao blocks with
a,7aa TIar,,,,,1.I, ,,,orod doos +I,o tr,,,pro-
specf the fourth person than the other
three combined?
1t takes. twenty blows OF Il hammer III
the hands OF woman 10 ollNe Il 'eH-PeH-
ny nml three inches. She misses inc
nail twice where she hits once. How
many blows does she strike III all' ana
now far can hef voice oe near" "nell Sic
strikes her thumb!
a gentleman VINO mas Il I'"r''r| u
l2.oOO Vol'uneS' opens zen volumes ~
year. At this rate how long Will II take
him to reach the last book?
If lawyer charges plumber - Tor
advice, and the plumber charges the law
Yer $500 for stopping leak III Il water
pipe. how much is the lawyer ahead?
In one month the owner Of "A three min
ute horse lied ninety-four times regard
ing his speed. At this rate how many
times would he lie IN year, and now
would it help the speed OF the morse
any?
A saIoonist buvs a barrel of whisky in
buIk and draws two barrels from it by