The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-02-25
He Joins a Temperance So
ciety,

Don you bullh ud1 pd IS SnO ~
ing his age a great deal more than
usual 2" asked the bad boy of the
grocery man, as he took a smoked
herring out Of a box and peeled off
the skin with a broken-bladed jack
knife, and split it open and ripped
off the bone, threw the head at a
cat, and took some crackers and be-
gan to eat.
"Wen, [ don't know but he does
look as though he was getting old"
said the grocery man, as he took a
piece of yellow wrapping paper,
and charged the boys poor old
father with dozen herrings and a
pound of crackers; "but there is no
wonder he is getting old. l
wouldn't go through what your
father has the last year for $1,000,
900. 1 tell you, boy, when your
father is dead. and you get step
father and he makes you walk the
chalk mark, you will realize what
bonanza you have fooled yourself
out of by killing off your father.
The way I figure it, your father will
last about six months, and you
ought to treat him right the little
time he has to live"
"Well, l am going to-" said the
boy, as he picked the herring bones
out of his teeth with a piece of a
match that he sharpened with his
knife. But | don't believe in Dor
rowing trouble about stepfather
so long before hand. l don't think
ma could get man to step into pas
shoes, as long as l lived, not if she
was inlaid with diamonds, and
owned a brewery. There are brave
men, [ know, that are on the marry,
but none of them would want to be
brevet father to cherubim like nae,
except he got pretty good wages.
And then, since pa was dissected he
is going to lead different life, and
I guess | will make a man Of him,
if he holds out. We got him to lin
the Good Templars last night"
mo, you don't tell me-" said the
grocery man, as he thought that his
trade in cider for mince pies would
be cut off. 80 you got him into
the Good TemplarS, Ell"
"Well, he thinks he has joined the
Good Templars, so it is all the same.
You see, my chum and me have
been going to private gymnasium
on the west side, kept by a Dutch
man, and in a back room he has all
the tools for getting up muscle.
There, look at that arm" said the
boy as he rolled up his sleeve and
showed muscle abous as big as an
oyster. "That is the result of
training at the gymnasium. Before
L took lessons l hadn't any more
muscle than you have got, Well,
the Dutchman was going to dance
on the South Side the other night,
and he asked my chum to tend the
gymnasium, and l told pa if he
would join the Good Templars that
night there wouldn't be many at the
lodge, and he wouldn't be so embar-
raised, and as was one OF the
officers of the lodge [ would put it
to him light. and he said he would
90, so my chum got FIVE other boys
to help us put him through. So we
steered him down to the gymnasium
and made him rap on the storm
door outside. and l said who comes
there, and he said it was a pilgrim
who wanted to jine our sublime
order. l asked him if he had made
up his mind to turn from the ways
of hyena, and adopt the customs
of the truly good, and he said if he
knew his own heart ne had, and
then l told him to come in out of
the snow and take off his pants. He
kicked q little at taking off his
pants, because it was cold out there
in the stOrm-doOr dog-house,
but l told him they all had to
do it. That princes, potentates
and paupers all had to come
to it. He asked me how it was
when we initiated women, and I
told him women never took this
degree. He pulled off his pants.
and wanted a check for them, but |
told him the grand mogul would
hold his clothes, and then 1 blind
folded him, and with q baseball
club 1 pounded on the floor as [
walked him around the gymnasium,
while the lodge, headed by my
chum, sung We won't go home till
morning. Then L stopped in front
of the ice-Water tank and said {:
Grand Worthy Duke, 1 bring be-
fore you pilgrim who has drank Of
the dregs until his stomach won't
hold water, and who desires to swear
off" The grand mOgul asked me if
he was worthy and well qualified,
and L told him that he had been
drunk more or less since the reun-
ion last summer, which ought to
qualify him. Then the grand mo-
gul made pa repeat the most blood
curdling oath, in which pa agreed if
he ever drank another drop, to al
low anybody to pull his toe-nails
out with tweezerS, to have his liver
dug out and fed to dogs, his head
chopped off, and his eyes removed.
Then the mogul said he would
brand the candidate on the bare
backWith the initial letters
of our order, &C. IT, that
all might read how a brand
had been snatched from the burning.
You'd died to see pa finch when 1
pulled up his shirt and got ready to
brand him. My chum got a piece
Of inn ont Of tho otara0o1nT- ond