Connecticut western news., 1883-12-12
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WIT AND WISDOM.

l A MANS wisdomis his best friend, folly his worst enemy.
 IF any man offend not in word, the same is perfect man.
 IT is our own vanity that makes the vanity of others intolerable to us.
 YOUTHFUL rashness skips like hare over the meshes of good counsel. VOLATILITY of words is carelessness in action. Words are the wings of action.
 IF it is an open winter ice will be high next summer, ..and if it is severe ono coal will be high until spring. THE man who gave his sweetheart Q. '...~--.-- Il .-----,,. s--.--, he understands what 8 sealskin sack is.
 PERSONS extremely reserved are like oldenamelled watches, which had painted covers that hindered you seeing what o'clock it was.
 A MAN should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying. in other words, that he is wiser to-day than he was yesterday.
 OF all silly phrases indulged in by men,
 The silliest this, 'It might have been"
 But of all the wise phrases traced by pen,
 The wisest is this, 'Let's try again r'
 THERE are nice little stories about the return of the 'prodigal daughter" The son can return and have the finest veal served up for him, but the daughter must stay away.
 ".YouR father is worth at least half million," said he to his jealous sweet heart. 'That is true" she murmured. "And yet you doubt my love-" he re- piled, in an injured tone.
 WANTING to have 8 quiet time the other day the editor hung the office towel outside the front door, and the usual run of callers all thought some one was dead and passed by on tiptoe.
 A MICHIGAN woman was stricken with paralysis while questioning her husband regarding his whereabouts at such 8 late hour of the night. Out this out and paste it on your wife's tongue.
 "No, WON'T have g cat about my house." savagely exclaimed young wife the other day. "Every time look at cat it makes me mad to think 1t can wear fur coat in the winter and I can't"
 SATIRE is a sort of glass wherein be- holders generally discover everybody's face but their own; which is the chief reason for that kind ofreception it meets in the world, and that so very few are of tended with it.
 IF your wife faints do not spoil her dress by dashing pitcher of water over her. Loudly kiss the back of your hand. She will immediately revive and want to know whom you are kissing. Do not tell and she will not faint any more.- Philadelphia Call.
 AN exchange believes that experience shows that book agent, if he under stands his business, can make more than ordinary wages. He can. He can make man hate him worse than he hates the man who tramps on his pet corn. 1lbe book agent can make lots besides ordinary wages.
 "OH, mother dear, ' the young man cried, ''Have you not something put away; Something that I may take with pride, And place it OCT my heart to stayP" q know not, boy" the mother spoke. His quivering lip showed feelings hurt;
 sMother, he said, ''this hain't no joke; want that thick red flannel shirt" IN street debate man who was vo- ciferously asserting that his side of the argument was the right one wound up by exclaiming: "It is, and I don't care for nobodyW Just then his wife, sharp nosed woman pushed her way through the crowd, and, as he caught the sparkle of her eye, he added: ''Leastways, | don't care for no man."
 'WHAT does MT. L. do, AddieP" asked young lady of her companion. "He takes photographs" replied A., con- templatively. "Takes photographer Why, I thought he was stock broker" "Well, he may be stock broker in the daytime, but he took my photograph out of the album the night before last and he won't give it back to me-"
 IN Italy it is customary for three or four married women to drag bride to her would-be husband. She pretends to struggle desperately to get away. A wise journalist points out that it would take all the married women in the coun- try to hold back an American girl who had concluded to enter the conjugal state.
 THE Ottumwa Democrat asks, "Why should not women smoke as well as men?" Why shouldn't they? Foolish man; just hand your wife cigar, short filler, and watch her try it for about ten minutes. Then as you tear away for doctor you will have time to formulate syllogistic reply to your own interro- gation. Why don't they? We'll, we should persrire to pallor.
 "No," SAID Mrs. Shoddy, s'we will not have turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. All the poor folks in the back street are going to indulge in turkey on that day. and that will make the dish too common for us, a family of means. What, is that dunning grocer here again with his bills } We'll, tell him won't be able to pay him for month or more. and if the butcher calls to-day with his bill, tell him am not at home." THE only occasion upon which rail- way trains in the United States are known to attain speed of eighty-fivo miles an hour is when you sweep in sight