The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1883-05-24
HI-MOR.

BREAD is the grub that makes che
butterfly.
How TO beat your grocers on eggs
succumb.
WHAT is house without b baby?
Well. comparatively quiet.
THERE is project to revive ancient
Roman games in the Coliseum.
Ar the Geological Garden: Mamma
is that gorilla?" "No, child, it's only
dude
"SwEET are the uses of adversely"
exclaimed the receiver as lie pocketed
90 per cent. of the estate.
4 CONTEMPORARY publishes poem
addressed TO an Assassin That's
right. Assassias deserve punishment;
address your poetry to them.
SINCE the railroads have been run
ming into the interior of Mexico cx-bank
cashiers are to be found in almost ev-
cry town in the sister republic.
DEATHS by violence average over
10000 year in Russia, there being an
average Of ten murders day. About
1,25O are frozen to death emery year.
WE often hear the expression that
"the fire had gone out" And it is
said that in some of our large places
YOU can actually see the fire escape.
IT's just as we'll to he refined in your
conversation. Say: .Those who in
dulge i'll terpsichorean recreation are
under obligation to remllnerate the vio-
linist."
"TAKE care Of the useful, and the
beautiful will take care of itself" This
is what the fond and numerous father
remarked when he married off his
uglist daughter first.
IT takes but thirteen minutes to lead
an elephant on q train. while it takes
twenty for any sort of woman to kiss
her friend good-by and lose the check
of her trunk. .--Rome Sentinel.
The remark of the pious Encas, the
classic exclamation, "Horresco refer
cas'-"I shuddcr to relate'--is sup
posed to be the prototype OF the mod
ern expressions, Il should blush to
m,lrmur," Il should litter to calculate"
etc.
VIZ hear Of a woman who applied for
situation as car-driver. Being asked
if she could manage mules. she scorn-
fully replied "Of course I can; I've
had two husbands. That woman
should 60 to Congress where there are
plenty to manage.
DIoGESEs. finding the water in o
public bath dirty, asked: Where can
one 90 and wash on coming out?' The
Tahiti women, after swim in tho sea,
always went and rinsed themselves in .
fresh water brook, to preserve the
smoothness Of their skins.
A VISITOR in the country seeing q
very old woman DOING at her cottage
door asks little boy of or Z, who
happens to be playing near by, how
old she is. Il can't say, SIR" replies
the child, politely; but she must be
very old. She has been here ever
since I can renlcNber."
In addressing Sunday-school o
while ago, speaker said to the boys !:
always be kind to your little sisters. "
"Now, never had little sister, and I
once tried to be kind to some other fell
lows sister: but she had cruel father,
and he hurt me helping me off the front
steps"
REFERRING to heroic attempt of q
young man to rescue a lady, who was
drowning, We began the article, Grand
er heroism has never been exhibited"
The intelligent compositor got il "gand-
or heroism,' etc. 1t is wonder to MS
that SO few homicides take place in
Texas printing offices.-Teras Sytings.
"CAN YOU tell me-" said frugal wife,
to the heed Of the family, as she handed
him pair of trousers of her own man
ufacture, ''can you tell me the differ
ence between your wife and an Irish
peer?' $50 on, dear was the reply ;
proceed and do your worst" .Ths difs
ference is that one makes the daddy's
pants and the other makes the Paddles
dance"
OK Montcalm street, in Detroit, O
boy was leading goat by a rope, when
pedestrian asked if he wanted to sell
the animal Course not; we just got
him." was the reply. what do you
want of goats' Nothing much. We
bought him to get ahead Of the Browns,
who have fox, but they've gone and
got even again "How?" why,
three of the family have been mesmer-
ized. and Johnny has had two teeth
filed.
\ BosToS honeymoon They were a
Boston couple, who had been married
but few weeks and had just gone to
housekeeping. As the husband stood
at the area door one morning, with the
market-basket in his hand, his bride
threw her arms around him and said !:
DO you indeed love me SO very much,
Bradford?" Bunker Hill monument
may fall, The answered with enthusiasm,
but my love will always stand well,
then,' she exclaimed kissing him, don't
forget the beans"
THE vicinity Of Austin is very hilly
and rocky, aud abounds in rabbits. A
little boy, who had not been long in
the place, undertook to capture rab-
bit. He chased the animal up steep
hill, but when he undertook to follow
it down the other side he lost his bal
auce and got a bad fall. When the
boy came home in used-up condition,
his mother asked him what he had been
doing. Il had such nice race with q
rabbit" well, which Of you won the
race" @Going up the hill the rabbit
was ahead, but in coming down on the
other side I beat the rabbit. "--Terds
SJtings.
The Terrible Small Boy.