Smyrna times., 1883-06-27
Facts and Faneies.


lis picture hanged-N. o. Picayune.
A philosopher is man who, when
others succeed where he has failed, can
calmly quote, "a fool for luck" and
think no more about it.
A woman's face is her fortune, but a
mans face is often his misfortune. If
he is very handsome the chances are
that he will never be anything else.
The latest rumOrs from London say
the Queen will soon abdicate. 1t is
not definitely known who will be her
but probably some man
from OhiO.-Burlington Hawkeye.
An exchange calls the greatest fraud
in a circus the lemonade peddled
around during the performance 1t
may be, but we always thought it was
the noisy young man who peddled it
arOund.-NOrr. Herald.
An iron manufacturer, speaking of
the market, says that there is better
feeling in pig. He neglected to men
ton it, but there is also good feeling
in sheep. They feel more comfortable
this hot weather since shearing.-OH
City Derrick.
A stupid-lOoking tramp knocked at
one of the finest residences in Austin,
and was received by the lady of the
house. What do you want ?"
Please, m, give nae dime to buy
glass of bread scuse me, 1 mean loaf
of beer. ."-Teras !Siftings,
A Chester county man is the proud
poSseasaF of his first pair of trousers,
which were made when he was ten
years old. He is sixty-fve now, and
we don't suppose he has worn 'em for
several years. There couldn't have
been any cellar doors to slide down
when he was little shaver.
Herald.
Our Office boy thought he would 60
to school last week, but he was bounced
the first day. The teacher was ex-
planning the fact ia natural history that
animals always sought their own kind,
and to test the force of her remarks,
said to our boy;
Now, Phlit, if you were out in the
woods and should come across snake,
what would you look for next?'
"a club, misS," and the teacher was
so shocked that she sent him back to us
: at Once.-The Drummer.
1.-TWO cents" sneered Woodward
avenue man to a tramp who had asked
for that sum" why, you are getting
i very modest in your demands, aren't
e you ?"
J. LOok-a-here,n said the old fellow as
he hacked mp to a hitching-post,
2 "wheat is only half crop, corn is
u coming out behind, potatoes will be
r skeerce, and every prudent man in
d this country is preparing for tight
? squeeze next Fall. I'm right thar. 1
o commenced hedging this morning. If
" we get another financial whOoping
# over this country I'm not going to have
q it blamed upon me again-not if I
= know it itw-Detroit Free Pr9ss.
"YOu have the advantage of nae, :"
It said the cashier hlandly. "You will
D. have to get some one to identify you"
1 Identity me? Why, I am your
ut son, just back from college for the
a Summer vacation"
H. May be, may be-" answered the
le cashier, "hut my son did not look like
30 a fool, wear a cockAey hat, monkey
is tail coat, shin tight pants, toothpick
"a shoes, nor did he suck cane handles
N. When my wife returns from Europe
no next Summer you might present your
a claims to her, and if she decides that
as you are our offspring shall be happy
or to bid you an affeetiOnate goodbye on
m your return to college. ."-DetrOit Free
i'll Press.
: Baby is very exacting at table. Hel
= mother has, in consequence, been
~, obliged to forbid her to ask for any
- thing.
The other day there was a dish o.
= magnificent strawberries upon thi
table. Baby coveted them with long
ing eyes. She threw supplicatini
glance at her mother and another a
her father, but this characteristic min
' icry was unsuccessful,
at Baby was disconsolate. She uttere,
u" deep sigh, and, leaning over to he
les fathers side, in way tobe well hearG
oh' she said:
80 Papa, tell mamma that have nc
Oh asked for any strawberries. ."-FrOss n
SnV French.
Dda
ays At the seaside. Visitor, cottag
tier hunting, and seaside landlord in shi
hen sleeves.
was Visitor" Who does this small bar
you belong tO9"
the Landlord 1t amt barn"
aid What is it, then ?"
for L.-"It's seaside cottage"
ines V,-"Is it to let?"
Lit is"
n What's the price for Il
'ali- season?'
the L.-"$2OO."
vim V.-"I it furnishedP"
Lit is. Got two chairs, ty
you lengths of straw mating in one room
that cottage bed and cook stove."
Q of W" "Any table2"
hing L." There's an old lager beer b
the that can be turned upside down for
as a table"
osse W" And You viii give the barn
egin the cottage, mean-and all those Fl
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