Connecticut western news., 1883-02-28
THE LIME.KILN CLUB.
The Position of the Clnb on Questions of the
 Day, etc.


 "Heah am letter." said the old man as he held up missive, "dated at Wash ington an writ in a splendiferous han, axin' to have de posishun of dis club on varus queshuns an subjicks defined fu1 de benefit of de public. De Secretary of State kin post up in his office de fol lerin' facts:
 "On religun dis club rather leans to de Baptist kind, but am not so bigoted as tc stan idly by an see Methodist Church consumed by fah or card off by a freshet.
 "On pollyticks we vote split tickets, aimin' to elect de smaller rascal an to beat masheen nominashuns.
 "As to free trade and protection, dis club can't express it's contempt fur a guv'ment which levies tariff of ten per cent. on women's corsets an can't bring a million-dollar official embezzler to jus tice.
 con civil sarvice reform we doan' slop ober worf shuchs. De cry am as holler as an old log an as thin as de voice of Connecticut baby.
 ''On social etikette, we eat wid fork, address ebery gemlan as Kernel, an we ginerally manage to start fur home befo' bein' kicked out.
 "On de temperance queshun, we argy dat if man doan' know mo dan to let whisky git de upper-hold of him, he'd better be tied to some lamp-post whar de ool-killer kin find him.
 ''As to de labor queshun, pay far wages, demand squar' work, an keep de jail doors open fur demagogues who en- courage strikes.
 "Dat's whar' an how we stan, from ebery Sunday mornin' to Saturday night, an I may add, dat we shall be happy at any time to counsel wid Con- gress, gin advice to de Legislachure, an frow out valuable suggeshuns to social bodies. Let us now attack de reg'la1 programme of business. .-
 THE srox. < F. The Committee on the Sick reported that Chin-Chin Greene, local member, had applied for relief on sthe grounds that he had fallen against 8 hot stove in grocery and severely burned his leg, while defending the LimeKiln Clut from the aspersions of white man. The committee had decided against the application, holding that Brother Greene should have either taken his codish and gone home, or else moved out on the sidewalk before beginning hss argument
 They also reported that Elder Standby Taylor was sick in bed with blood poi soning, and had filed his claim for $3 pei week. ess
 "Does any of de committee know how he pizened his blood?" asked the Presi ydent.
 None of them did.
 "De Elder am purity far man an g member who allus pays his doos," con- tinued the President, "but he has g little failin'. If he finds bottle on de street he doan' keer what de liable reads 50 long as de contents tickle his palate. He foun' bottle one day las week an swallered half its contents befo he dis kivered dat he didn't 'zactly relish it He's ole an tough an will probably pull frew, but he can't have any money from dis club jist de same. A man O his age who can't tell hoss medicine from Mrs WinsIow's soothin' syrup mus suffer de consekenses.
 'sDAT's ACCORDION. A communication from the office of tho Board of Public Works, of Chicago asked if the man who insisted on entering street car by the front door was { greater nuisance than the one who makes it practice to spread himself over two seats, and unfold and read 8 newspape. sixteen feet long.
 eff de kyar am empty de front doal man am de greater statesman," replied the President eff de kyar am full am great deal easier to ax de man wit de paper if he kin read dan it is to con vince de odder one dat he was brung III in lumber camp and am dyin' to le eberybody know it,