Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-12-19
Wednesday Whatnots.


lis said an Arizona Judge resigned from the
bench to become a hotel waiter. The judicial
ermne may satisfy mans vanity but it does
not always fill the void created by the want Of
! three square meals a day.-Neto Orleans Plea
yatfte.
Nonentity: At a recent party: Anxious young
man-'Miss b., may have the sixth dance
with your" Miss B.-"As we have no pencil
cannot mark it." A. Y. No, well, leave a
space there and you'll understand" Miss b
Very well. then; when I see vacant spot
shall know 1t is you. Exit anxious young man.
Waterbury american.
bloated griefholder: shabbily dressed
woman called upon one of our citizens for aid,
Claiming that she was in starving condition.
The citizen looked upon her plethoric FORM esti-
and answered: you don't look ike a s1aryinS .
woman" l know it," she whiningly answered,
I'm bloated with grief Hartford Times.
About the same thing: Plumbottle one of the
most Intelligent youths Of Austin, who had been
travelling all over Europe, returned not long
since and told his friends many remarkable
said: "In Rome had long conversation with
the Pope, and from there went to Berlin and
had a talk with Bismarck; then | travelled to
Munich and" "And met Munchausen," inter-
rupted one OF the listeners "No. but tray
eled in the same car with Tom Ochiltree ;"
"Well. that amounts to the same thing. "-Teras
SJtings.
"Oh.' said Fogg: 'Tsn't it awful" exclaimed
the landlady, they say she refused nourishment
to the very last and actually starved to DEATH"
What clearinghouse was it?'' inquired Fogg
what boarding house?" snapped the landlady;
''who said anything about boarding houses. Mr.
Fogg? She died in prison, SIR" "Oh!" said
Fogg.-Boston Transcript.
my Lord" said Tawmus, ':you've no idea
q tfs Ntya TO hnl,;, i
girl who Is scrbblng, look over her shoulder
and find that she's idly writing your name, with
Mrs pretxed. "-Boston Post.
Lean passenger to very fat one-"If the
company did the right thing they would charge
fare by the hundred weight" Fat passenger
Don't advocate that idea, for then they couldn't
afford to carry such lightweight passengers -
Teas Sttings.
EYES," remarks traveller. "when man is in
Rome he should do as Romans do Now, when
am in New York, to be in style, l always in
struct the barber to part my hair In or near the
middle; when in Chicago, on one side; in
Omaha, under one ear. and on farther west into
the Wllds OF the Rockies and the Pacific coast
don't have 1t parted at all."-Bostoa Transcript.
A Chicago dude was thrown out of second
story window recently under the following cir
cnmstances: The members of the company were
putting conundrums, when one of them asked:
''WhO are the sweetest girls in the United
States:" THE Missouri girls" answered the
dude. why" shouted the crowd. Because
they are Mo-lasses," explained the dude. There
upon they seized the scoffer and launched him.
brooklyn Eagle.
Two Brooklyn men got into violent alterca-
ton over the merits of the Presidents message.
After they had been shooting Off their elOquence
tor fifteen or twenty minutes one of them said
'See. here, Jim; amt going to admit that
you're right; but don't mind owning I'D that
haven't read a line of the message" "That's nv
case exactly!' exclaimed the other with sigh
of relief. Lets have drink!"-BrookEyn
Eagle.
Anent recent defalcations, an exchange says
The cry is still that which fell gratefully on the
ears of the dying general: "They run, they
rum" and if anybody asks Who runs?' like
Wolfe, the answer is, "The secretaries and the
cashiers"
little girl.
" .%5! you mustn't ask me that"
.''Cause gentleman oughten ask lady her
age. I'm five goin' on six; now there!'-Arkan-
sdS Tracehr.
Senator Vest is telling some good stories in
Washington about his trip to the Yellowstone
Park last summer with Mike Sheridan and Ar
thur. The anecdote of how Arthur behaved
and talked when he stepped into akettle of hot
coffee In the camp one evening is quite too aw-
fully funny for anything.-N. Y, World
The course of true love often runs smooth
until it is wrecked by the wifes misplaced
switch.
Women never will be paid as much for lectur-
Ing as men, simply because they have done 80
much of it for nothing.
The weak woman who is frightened half to
death at the sound Of pistol is not in the least
degree alarmed by her own bangs.
''Do you believe in woman's rights?" she de-
manded, jabbing him in the ribs with her UNI
brella- YES" he replied, as he moved to a
safe distance, ~ believe in woman's funeral
rites"
1t is said Sullivan, the pugilist spends his
money as fast as he makes it. This makes no
difference, however, for he can always strike a
| friend for more.-Ne,o Orleans Picay,nse.
A Woman Of Many Vacations.
From the Fargo Herald.
Mrs. Linda w. Slaughter. Bismarck's early
| poetess and authoress, ''the doctors wife. -
Bismarcks first school teacher and for several
| years postmistress, has been granted divorce
| from her husband, Dr.. B. F. Slaughter.