The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-11-16

The charities that soothe and heal
and bless are scattered at the feet of Q
man like flowers Wordsworth.
"A Tennessee poet writes
A boy got left at the grammar school,
Because, to get up hrst-class race,
He tied an active-transitive UPSTREAM
To dog in the objective case.
When you know q thing, to hold
that you know it; and when you do not
know q thing to allow that you do net
know It-this is knowledge. - Con-
ftscius.
IA new industry in Norway is the
canning of whales" It is not stated
how many whales are packed in each
can; but we shouldn't think the num-
Der was over four.-NorristOUn Herald.
1t is absolutely blood-curdling to
read that the Chinese and French had
an engagement at Bachninh, and that
the Chinese were forced to retreat from
Hauri, via the Dai toward Laokoi o, Oh
shoid smoile. Bismarck Tribune.
-"Angeline, darling" said the dude
to the dudine, you're the apple of my
eye." "You are fiatterer, Adolphus. "
'.Not at all, my dear; but when we're
together you're no longer the apple of
my eye" "Why?" "Because it takes
us both to form one pair, then. Hal
ha! hal" "Yes," growled an old bach.
elor who had heard the conversation,
"a pair of Spoons" Cruel man!-E1
change.
The glossograph is an invention at.
tracing much attention at the Vienna
Electrical Exhibition. 1t accurately re.
produces human speech and records il
on paper. 1t is equal to any articulats
effort, from a shout to whisper. We
rather think. though, it would tax the
machine to keep mp with man whe
gets up to light the gas to chase q rat
out of the room and collides with rock.
ing-chair.-Boston Post.
Keeping up the conversation: At
party the other evening there was q lull
in the conversation, which made the
host, who was inexperienced, somewhat
nervous. With a view to relief he asked
q mournful-looking man if he was mar
ried. "No, am bachelor" stiffiy
replied the somber man. "Ah!" OBJ
served the host, warming up with the
subject, show long have you been
bachelor?" There was another lull in
the conversation.-Chicago Tribune.
"A journeyman weaver took to his
employer a piece of cloth he had just
finished. Upon examination two holes
but half an inch apart were found, for
which a fine of two shillings was de.
manded. "Do you charge the same fof
small as for large holes?" asked the
workman. "Yes; shilling for every
hole, big or little" Whereupon the
workman Immediately tore the two
holes into one, exclaiming: "That'n
save a shilling. anyhow" His employer
RENTED the whole fine at once.-Boston
Post.
One day pompous little fellow at
dinner-table was boasting of the great
men with whom he was on intimate
terms. He had been in constant CORE
spondence with Longfellow, had lunched
with Tennyson, was on friendly rela-
tions with the Prince of Wales, and, in
short, knew everything and everybody.
At length quiet individual at the
further end of the room broke in on the
conversation with the question: my
dear sir, did you happen to know the
Siamese Twins when they were in this
country?" Our hero, who evidently had
a talent for lying, but no real genius. as
once replied: 1.-The Siamese Twins, sir?
l became very intimate with one Of
them, but never had the good fortune
to meet the other. IN y. GraphSc.