davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15
HUMOROUS.
A regular kidnaper =
Sirun -PhiIOL}elDI,in HPrNI6-

"A regular kidnaper - soothing
sirup.-Hila1elphia Herald.
Tho question is: Can girl who
doesn't use powder make her hair bang?
-"Mr. Jipso INDUCES largely in
hyperbole, remarked the high-school
girl to her mother. "Yes," answered
the old lady; "Mrs. Jones told me he'd
taken to drinking; I'm so sorry for his
wife, poor thing" -OI City Derrick.
Tho Boston girl goes into mu:ie
store and asks for ''saccharine spe':i-
mems of the genus viola order violacan,
perennial herbaceous plants. acaulescent
Or caulescent, peduncles angular. soli-
tary.' And the clerk wants to know il
Fritz Emmct wrote it, end she faints.--
Chicago Times.
Two Partisan Esaus were taking
supper at farmhouse near Orleans.
All ut once one of them made a wry
face, called the housewife and showed
her very fine blonde hair in the hare
ragout The good woman smiled and
said: Eyes, there is one, after all; ex-
cuse me, gentlemen. l thought | had
taken them ell out!n'
"A writer in Northern newspaper
says that he can throw piece of Arkan-
saw corn-brcad through brick wall
ten feet thick. This story is greatly ex-
aggerated, as niue feet and half is the
thickest wall through which piece of
bread can be thrown. Such reckless
writers tend to bring State into con-
temnt.- d7-klnsn,D I,u,eller.
Nothing could 90 beyond an adver-
tisement we met with lately of Yam
kee auctioneer. 1t offered for sale a
"sweet and pensive retirement on the
banks of the Hudson. and after describ-
ing the streams Of sparkling bright
ness" and the "fruits of the tropics in
golden beauty" mentions that 1.-the
stables are worthy of the steeds of MINI
rod or the studs of Achilles, and its
heronry was built expressly for the birds
of Paradise, while somber in the dis
lance, like the cave of a hermit, glimpses
are caught of the dog-house. y Chicago
Tribune.
An evasive answer: Pat" said his
reverence, II shall be very busy this
afternoon, and if any one calls do not
wish to be disturbed" "All right, sor;
will tell them you're not imp mo,
Pat; that would be lie.' IAN
phwat'll l say, yer rverence?" ooh.
just put them off with an evasive an
swer.'' At supper time Pat was asked
if any one had called. "Faix. there
d d." "And what did you tell him?'
said the priest. "Shure, an give him
an evasive answer" "How was that?"
queried his reverence. "He axed me
was yer honor in, an seq to him, seq l:
WAS yer grandmother a hoot-owl? -
~ Y. Graphic.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15

lady, born consequently of negro pa
rents. She has two heads, four arms.
four legs and one body. From the
waist upwards the bodies are twain,
fastened together at the back by large
piece of extraneous flesh, the one COM
mencing at the waist and finishing at
the commencement of the dual thighs.
As she stands it is as though two forms
stood before you, save and except that
only one skirt falls from the waist to
the knees. The abdomen, instead of
being before either of the faces, is side
wise between the two forms, the back
corresponding, therefore, Miss Mile
walks sidewisc, as matter of course.
The heads, however, partially face the
side, as from desire to see and speak
to one another, and have in the course
of years become stationary in that posi-
ton. that is to say, the torsos have be-
come fixed. the power to turn the head
back to back still remaining. Such
monstrosities are not, as rule, pleasant
to look upon, but in this case Miss
Mile is an exception, as there is moth
ing unpleasant in the appearance of
the Nightingale" On the contrary
she is very pleasant and well-educated
person. speaking English, German
and French tiuently. also little
Spanish. 1t is very curious to hear her
speak different languages with her
double mouths at the same time, and.
though'she calls herself Miss Mile Chris
tine. from my own standpoint should
pronounce this mUnstrosity twins
spoiled by freak of nature. The
head and bust of one is stout and large,
exactly resembling the mother; the
other is much smaller, and totally diff
ferent in features, favoring her father.
AS she sits down. Miss Mile presents
the appearance of two girls squeezing
into one chair. as girls often do. The
legs move at precisely the same moment
in walking or dancing, though the
heads and arms are perfectly independ-
ent of each other. The lady has two
beautiful voices, singing duets charm
ingly; when warbling a solo the voice
and respiration is as one. had a long
conversationwith the Nightingale in
which she told me that there is never
the slightest difference of opinion be-
tween her and her double; they agree
in all things. are hungry and thirsty at
the same time. eat the same things, and
divide everything, even to peanut
When alone they converse on all kinds
of topics, rarely having O different
thought, except occasionally being puz-
lied as to the faces they have SEEM
Chicn1O ,yOnrn0}
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15
HOME. FARM AND GARDEN.

-Ditching and draining should be
lone in the fall Chicago Journal.
Changing fiocks from one pasture
20 another is conducive tn the health OF
he flock.-San Francisco Chronicle.
Whoever depends on the milk
,trainer for securing clean milk will
aever make gilt-edged butter.-E1-
change.
Watch your sitting hens. and If an
eco gets broken wash the remaining
eggs in tepid water. Hens should not
be allowed to sit where they will be an
noyed with other occupants Of the porl-
try yard.
Oatmeal cookies combine many
good qualities, and will be relished by
children. Make them just like an Ordi-
nary sugar cooky. using two-thirds Oat-
meal and third wheat flOur.--N. T.
Posi-.
To make good garden manure take
earth from the woods for the basis OF
the compost heap, Alternate this with
layers OF good stable manure, and on
each layer sprinkle gypsum, salt and
ashes. This, by the time it is wanted
next spring, viii make an excellent ma
nure for hot-beds rs well as for the
garden itself. Chicago Tribune.
Herbs should be dried by spread
ing them on trays in dry, warm oven,
turning them over often. The quicker
they are dried the better, as they re-
tain their original qualities the best
when so done. The tops and leaves
are the parts to be used. Free them
from dirt before drying. Paper sacks
are very good to keep them in after
drying. :.
Carrots and cream: Trim guam
tity of the smallest new carrots that can
be obtained, and boil them in salted
water. When done. drain off the
water. Melt an ounce of butter in q
saucc-pan; add to it desscrtspoonful of
flour, pepper, salt, grated nutmeg. n
pinch of powdered sugar. and small
quantity of cream. Put in the carrots.
simmer gently few minutes and serve.
N. Y. Times.
Cranberry pudding is made by
pouring boiling water on pint of dried
bread crumbs; melt tablespoonful OF
butter and stir in. When the bread il
softened add two eggs, and bea!
thoroughly with the bread. Then put
in pint of the stewed fruit and sweet
en- to your taste. Bake in hot oven
for half an hour. Fresh fruit may be
used in place of the cranberries. Slices
of peaches put in in layers make de-
licious variatiOn.-N Y. Post.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15

When Durango, Col, three years
ago was wild new town, where gro
Gerry boxes were used for the post-office
delivery, the pioneer Record was started
by Mrs. Romney. a bright Western
woman. That was long before there
was even school-teacher there. Wren
the fearful period of bloodshed began
in Durango this lady was bold in her
of the desperadoes. even
when these, with ready revolvers, ''held
the town." and she kept it up. even
when the outlaws threatened to destroy
her Office, until finally order was re-
stored. She then sold her paper to
General Marsh and went to Southern
California.-Cbicago Herald,
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

Patti has been singing for thirty
years, and Nilsson for twenty.
1t was in November. hundred
years ago. that old John Jacob Aston
set sail from Germany for New York
with nothing but a five-pound note and
seven German flutes in his pocket.-N
Y. Times.
The husband of the late Mrs.
Fanny Sprague. of Rhode Island,
mother of the Ex-Governor. was MUIR
dered in 1S43. and John Gorton was
hanged for participation in the crime.
-PR,fdence Journal
General Crook, the Indian-6ghter.
is said to be very abstemious, not drink
ing any kind of alcoholic liquor, tea or
coffee. His favOrite beverage is fresh
milk. In dress he is equally plain. but
he is not in the least degree slovenly.-
Chicago Journal.
MIR. A. d. Hatch, of New Bedford,
who originated the New Bedford ex-
press when the railroad was first opened
to that city, refers his friends to the
ninetieth Psalm of David. the tenth
verse He was still active and genial. a.
in earlier times, on his SEVENTEEN natal
day.-Doston Post.
Mr.. John r. French. formerly Ser
geant- at Arms of tho United States Sen
ate, in his lecture: Ten Years Among
the Senator's ranks William Pitt Fes.
sender as the greatest member of that
body he ever knew, but saws he went in
and out of the Senate Chamber with
less pretensiOn than the man who
opened and shut-the doors.
lis Journal.
Mgr. Capel was asked what struck
him most forcibly in this country. and
he replied: 1.-The precociousness OF
children" He says that while in Balti-
more the Archbishop took him to cal
on lady. While making the visit 9
boy aged four years came in the room
and his mother said: my son, speak
to the Archbishop" He obeyed readi'
ly. and. holding out his hand. said
chow do, Arch?"-Chicago Tribune.
Comptroller Knox, of the Treasury
Department, is thus described: "Hi:
personal appearance is quite striking:
his tall, well-nourished figure, dignified
carriage, topped by head as massive
as maui, gray mustache and hair,
bright eyes twinkling behind golden
trimmed glasses, heavy jaws, expressive
of resolution, and under lip slightly
pursed, apparently by habits of calcula.
latiOn, constitute an ensemble calculated
to attract a second look at the man,
aside from the knowledge of his fame
IN. Y. Post
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15
OLD MRS. GRIMES.

Nune: "Old Grimes is Dead.")
Old Mrs. Grimes is dead. Alas!
We ne'er shall see her more.
She was the wife OF good Old Grimes,
Who died some years before.
A very worthy dame Is gone.
Since she gave up her breath;
Her mead was white with froStS of time,
She lived until her death.
Though rough the path. her willing feet
Fer walked where duty led;
And never wore pair of shoes,
Except when out of bed.
Busy she was. from morn to night,
Spite of old Times advances:
Although her husband left her here
In easy circumstances.
Good Mrs. Grimes is now Mt rest,
She'll rest through endless ages;
The sun has SET, her work Is done.
She's gone TO claim her wages.
Century Magazine.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15

Jaw, you can sell me, aw. a blue
neck-tse to match my eyes, you know?'
inquired an Austin dude in a gentleman's
furnishing store. Don't know as l
can. exactly" replied the salesman.
''but can fit you with soft hat to
match that head" Then the dude
withdrew from the store, a crushed
strawberry hue effusing his effeminate
es.-Tezas Sifttegs.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-11-15


the moment of his appearance with i'm
patience; he requested my friend to
give him piano in full view of the au-
dience. 1 placed his dumb piano in
the middle of the stage. NV friend i'm
pressed upon his thirteen that in order
to produce the greatest effect it was
Indispensable not TO make any preludcs,
that thus the public might be more sur
prised to hear all at once the fourteen
pianos attack the flourish of trumpets
with which the March of Taunhauser be-
gins. One. two, three; we commence; it
goes marvelously. In the midst of the
piece l glanced at the young fellow.
He was superb. He was sweating great
drops, and, throwing his eyes carelessly
on the audience, he performed with
miraculous ease apparently the most
difficult parts. His friends were in
raptures. Some enthusiasts even cried
out: ''Hurrah for Blankr' Encore,
encore. We must repeat the piece:
but at the moment of commencing,
the young aspirant forgot the
recommendation not &c prelude. and
could not resist the temptation to play
little chromatic scale. l see him now;
the stupor which was printed upon his
face was inexpressible. He recon-
menced nothing. The piano was mute.
For an instant he had the idea that the
ardor with which he played had been
fatal to the strings, but throwing a
glance inside he saw them all right.
Without doubt it must be the pedals,
and after some shakes impressed
on the pedals he began again his
little chromatic scale. Then, persuaded
that the piano was just out of order,
he strove to make my friend understand
~ could not begin again the march.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-15
FOREIGN.

EIGHTEEN men have been arrested at
Odessa and st. Petersburg, for forging
bank notes.
The Chinese government has paid an
indemnity of 100000 francs for the exc
cutiOn of a French priest named Tir-
raSSe.
AN ex-officer Of the Spanish army
states that forty-fOur regiments were
involved in the recent revolt, :.nd that
Gorilla made $75, 600 on the bourse dur
ing the excitement.
A LONDON cablegram announces the
failure Of Hampstead & Co., engineers,
with liabilities of $4,000
AN explosion of benzine in factory
at Roubiax, France, killed ten persons
and wounded forty. Many women leap
ed from the upper stories Of the build
ing.
THE Mercantile Colonial, and Geo
graphical Congress, to discuss Spanish
commercial interests assembled Monday
at Madrid.
1t is rumored that the Princess Anne
lie, eldest daughter Of the Comte de
Paris, will marry the Grand Duke Alex
is of Russia.
ORANGEMEN at Glasgow Monday night
attempted to break up a meeting which
was being addressed by Thomas Sexton,
M. P, but the police interfered.
AFTER one of D. L. Moody's address
es in London, Sunday, one hundred per-
sons rose and asked prayers in their be-
half. The four meetings attracted about
10000 people. Mr.. Moody announced
that his three weeks work in Ireland
was the most productive Of his life.
MICHAEL DAvITT will address a series
of meetings in England under the au-
spices of the English Reform Union.
The English Tory farmers threaten OPP
position, but Mr. Davitt intends to per
severe. The Reform Union will support
him.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-15
FIRES AND CASUALTIES.

FLAMES swept away the Island house,
near Oxford, Maine, and Hahn's ice
houses, near Newport, Kentucky.
AN elevator in the new capitol of
Dakota, at Bismarck, fell fifty feet with
five men, one of whom was fatally ia
jured.
CHARLES E. DIX, cashier of a savings
bank at Council Bluffs, who suffered ter
ribly for years from dyspepsia, killed
himself with a revolver.
A FARMER at West Mill Greek, Penn
sylvania, took 81, 900 in currency from
his safe and concealed it in the parlor
tOve, where it was destroyed when his
wife lighted a fire.
THREE squares of wooden buildings
in Algiers, louisiana, were burned
early yesterday morning, the loss being
$4,000.
ABOUT twenty houses in Algiers, OPP
posite New Orleans, burned Saturday,
including the Red River Transportation
company's saw mill and shops. Loss
$4,000.
IN a friendly sparring match at Chip
pewa Falls, John Hall struck Duncan
McPhea a blow on the neck, and he reel
ed and fell heavily upon the ground.
Upon examination it was discovered that
his neck was disloCated, and he died in
a few minutes.
The father of Charley Ross was induc-
ed to visit Edwardsville, Illinois, and in
terview an amateur detective in regard
to a prisoner at Springfield, who offered
to tell the whereabouts of the lOng-lost
lad. But the criminal has recently been
sentenced to the penitentiary for one
year, and refuses to say anything until
his release.
A SLEEPING-CAR on the Manitoba road
was derailed near Noorhead, Thursday
evening. and thrown over an embark
ment. Of twelve passengers, the most
seriously injured are W. S, Bailey, of
Chicago, and lady from st. Paul. a
young bride lost her pocket-book and
marriage certificate.
TIE new wing of the capitol at Madi-
son, Wisconsin, suddenly gave way
Thursday afternoon, the iron columns
beng broken like glass. OF forty men
at work in the building, five were kill
ed and twenty-one injured. The struc-
ture was SOx100 feet. The side walls.
built of cut stone, are still standing. 1t
is evident that the inner walls, construc-
ted of brick, were not strong enough to
support the roof.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-15
LATEST TELEGRAMS.
ASHiNGTON.

A RUMOR was current Wednesday
that the vacancy on the Court of Claims,
made by the resignation of j. c.. Ban
croft Davis, will be rendered Secretary
Folger.
w. w. CORCORAN and other citizens
of Washington waited upon the District
commissioners, to urge the creation of
a national park in the valley of Rock
Creek, the outlay required for land be-
ing 100000.
Postmaster General Gresham, Secre-
tary Liz ,oln and Commodore Walker,
q. S. \, will accompany Secretary
Chandle on the trip from New York to
Newpor' on the United States steamer
Trenton The party leave Washington
Sunday night.
IT is understood that Secretary Lin
coin has proposed a review of the facts
in regard TO the failure of the Greedy re-
lief expedition, in which he criticises
somewhat severely the instructions of
General Hazen. General Hazen has also
prepared a review of the facts, in which
Lieutenant Darlington is blamed severe
ly. Both reviews will be laid before
the Proteus Court of inquiry.
COLONEL NIKE SHERIDAN has been de-
tailed to edit the news that emanates
from the headquarters of the army.
Lieutenant General Sheridan yesterday
remarked that Colonel Sheridan had
some experience ia furnishing the papers
with news, and that all information
from the Commanding Generals office
would pass through his hands.
JUDGE OTTO, for many years official
reporter of the United States Supreme
Court, said Saturday, while testifying
as a witness in a case before Commits
sioner Bundy, that he had formally re-
signed his position. 1t is understood
that he is to be succeeded by J. Bancroft
Davis, and the announcement of the
change will be formally made from the
bench by Chief Justice Waite next
week
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-15

SINCE the 1st of January last, TWEEN
ty-two persons have been killed In the
streets of New York; fifty-three Sc
riously and fifty-one slightly injured.
The largest number of those slightly
injured were injured on the elevated
railroads; but the largest number kill
ed or seriously injured were the vic
TINS of wagons Fast driving seems
to be more fatal to human life there
than it is in Chicago. OF $4,000, 900
passengers carried by the elevated
roads-a number nearly twice as large
as that of the population of the
United States-only eight were killed f;
and the elevated companies even go
so far as to hint that as many as that
would have died in their beds had they
not been killed
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-15

WARRANTS have been issued at POUCH
keepsie for the arrest of the warden at
Sing Sing prison and a custom officer.
on charge of bribery at the election.
IN a dispute at Hamilton, Ontario.
about the proper manner of entering
doors, j. T. Hazelton, the United States
consul, was knocked down with a chair
by wool merchant named II. F. LONG
AT farmhouse near Independence.
Missouri, Henry G. MCGEE killed his
wife and daughter with a shotgun.
and then destroyed himself by a dose of
morphine. He was of an ugly DISPOSE
ton, and had threatened to murder his
wife.
FAULKNER. the leading ceunterfeiter
of Southern Indiana, who lived in what
might be termed log fort at French
town, was deceived into entertaining
and instructing detective, who captur-
ed both him and his wife by rnse
Faulkner made dimes and double eagles
which would deceive the most expert
cashiers.
A. +. VAN HOOSEAR of Minneapolis,
was arrested at the postoffice in Vino
ma, Saturday morning, by Officer E, A.
Basset of Minneapolis, on a charge of
embezZlement. Van HoOsear in COM
pany with r. 7. Ennis had been en-
gagged in keeping a restaurant at 212
Nicolet avenue, known as the Mer-
chants Lunch, and it is alleged that he
sold out the establishment, p0cketed the
entire proceeds, and decamped, going to
Winona under the assumed name Of J.
Brown. 1t is understood that the affair
was satisfactorily settled and Van
HOOsear was released,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-15
GEN ERAL NOTES.

For the year ending with September
the exports of the United States exceed
ed the imports by $117, 326,909.
GOVERNOR BUTLER got the attorney
general of Massachusetts, to decide that
a woman was not legally person, and
then removed Mrs. Clam T. Seward
from the state board Of health and lun-
acy.
IDA KENT, a Michigan City girl, mys-
tesiously disappeared last Friday, and
sympathizing friends have since hunted
over the entire region IN the hope of
finding her.
T. J. GALLAGHER, a st. Louis journa-
list found the missing Mary Churchill
at work in the laundry of an insane asy-
lum three miles from Indianapolis, and
had long interview with her. Col.
Churchill has gone to the scene.
HERMAN PESCHEL. a carpenter of
Watcrtown, Wisconsin, was awarded
damages of $40, 500 against the st. Paul
road for injuries received while in it's
employ, by the fall of windmill
DR.. VAN VALzAH of Terre Haute'
Indiana, cousin of the missing Mary
Churchill, received brief call from her
at dusk Monday evening, but failed to
recognize her at the time
AT the stock show in Kansas City
thirteen Aberdeen Angus COWS and
heifers sold for SIS, $50, andtwenty-seve
bulls brought 81, 925. The COW Water
side went off at So, 900.
For violation of the statute against
public sparring, Sullivan ard Slade were
arrested in st. Louis, although Governor
Crittenden was a spectator.
The trotting horses Winship and
Frank had a second contest at Boston,
Thursday, which attractedone Thousand
persons to Mystic park. Each had
running mate. Winship made three
miles without a stop, in 2:164, 2:1244, and
2:113.
On the report of the special agent, U.
S. Land Commissioner Mcfarland has
held for cancellation fifty timber-cul-
ture entries near Fort Sully, Dakota,
made by other parties for the benefit Of
one Spencer. The military commandment
at that fort was largely instrumental in
exposing the frauds.
A VETERAN of the war destined for
the Soldiers Home, reached Milwaukee
Friday from Ashland, Wis The man
has neither eaten nor been awake for %
days, and when attempts were made to
rouse him, he simply moved hand to
his face, and relapsed into comatose
state. His case puzzles the doctors.
Mr.. MAssAY, of Macon, Georgia, was
twelve years ago induced to take out
what was claimed to be an endowment
policy in an insurance company, and
when he went to Atlanta to draw his
fortune he learned that he held simply
a life policy. The supreme court de
cides that he is entitled to no relief, as
he should have known what the docu-
ment was
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-11-15

No violent measures in cases Of constipation!
Medicines which relax the bowels excessively
weaken them, and by thus rendering them incap-
able of q continuance of their diScharging func-
ton, increase rather than remedy their inactivity
and arrangement. The national specific for cos
tiveness is Hostetter's Stomach Bitters which in
vigOrates while it relaxes the intestines. expels
vitiated bile from the blood and stomach pro
notes digestion, stimulates appetite and enIrches
the circulation. The tone Of oil organs which
take an active part in the processes of nutrition
which, by promoting vigor and regularity in the
system, is the means OF furnishing it with its two
most efficient and natural safeguards against ma
the sure remedy. Kidney ard bladder ailments,
dyspepsia, liver complaint and rheumatism also
yielu 10 it.