The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-09-07
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

care things what they seem?" asks
the G1dphjc. If they seem pretty
tough they are.--BoSton Post.
J.. remarked to his wife that a friend
chad plen'y Of grit" well, yes"
she replied, che looks as if he needed
a bath."-7oledo Blade.
When Hamlet said, "But I have that
within which passeth show" it is be-
lieved that he had in his pocket acom-
plimentary ticket for the circus.-LGe.
Bunker Hill monument is a cheap
advertising medium. 1t only costs
twenty-five cents to go to the top Of
the column.-Bostcn comm sTcidL BuE-
letin.
Rather says the cures effected by
laying on Of hands is an old story with
him. His mother often INDUCED in
the past me in times past.-BoSten
CouT, er.
Thousands of men have commenced
at the bottom of the LADDER and stayed
there. Others have carried bricks and
mortar and reached the top by honest
industry.-Picayune.
John Russell Young is writing a
history of China. What the American
housewife signs for is a well written
and truthful obituary of the LAZY who
chips the China.-HaWkeye.
"Crushed strawberry" may be anew
color for a lady's dress, but "smashed
custard" has been a well-known tint
for a young mans trousers ever since
the picnic was acknowledgement.
mo more strikes are looked for
among the Erie switchmen," says an
exchange. This information will be
very gratifying to the schoolboys who
live in that section of Pennsylvania
Statesman.
An Indiana poet has written some
verses on the opulence of his poverty.
What worries most of us at the present
time is the poverty Of our o%pulence. 1t
is too sad a thing to write verses about.
-NeU York Commercial.
1t makes a man sorely pu ,zled to
know, when he takes his shoe off at
night, how in the world a piece Of
wood the size of a lead pencil ever
worked in through a crevice about a
sixteenth of an inch wide.-Puck.
A sponge measuring eight feet in
circumference was recently discovered
at Key West. 1t had several fresh
newspapers in its hand and a borrowed
umbrella, and were white breeches and
a silk coat.-Burlington Free Piss.
The cost of stopping a train of cars
is said to lie from forty to sixty cents.
But it wouldn't do any good to hold
up half a dollar to the brakeman on
the rear end of the train you have just
missed, as it goes out of the depot
Lo,CeU citizen.
"What is that you are wearing?'
asked Farmer John of his fair city
boarder. sob, that is my red jersey"
"All right" was the reply, "but don't
go near my brown jersey over in that
field, unless you are good at climbing
trees."-Phtladelphia News.
An exchange says that newspaper
editors never "strike," but the asser-
ton is not borne out by the facts. An
editor once struck so hard that a wild
eyed man, with long hair and a long
poem, went downstairs seven steps at
al llultt anu lhlluCu vi lIo oDldoi WI
umn at the Decentralization
Herald.
The young minister, Mr.. W, Of
a We tern city, was invited to occupy
the pulpit in an Albany church. His
two sisters, chancingto be near Albany,
made their plans to go there for that
Sunday and hear him. After the SER
vice a gentleman of the congregation,
whom they knew very slightly, hurried
toward them and sail: 1--WE are Ce-
lighted to see you here, but how UNI
fortunate that you should have chosen
to-day. Don't, | beg of you. think that
this is our minister. DR.. is off on
his vacation and we have to take what
we can get; but come next Sunday, if
you're in town, and you'll hear a ser
mon worth listening tO."-IroyP Press.