The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-02-02

us not your name John Gu1mbY?
j 1T is; I'm Quimby; but, great heav-
ems, have no use for an undertaken. y
| Then why" said Brown, in an ex-
cited voice, 'swhy did you come last
| night to my establishment and ring the
night bell? Why did you tell me to
bring along. the first thing in the morn
ing, the nobbiest casket in the shop!
Do you think this is fair treatment fol
a decent undertaken, Mr.. QuimbY? Do
you think --n
4 "For the Lords sake, be quiet, =
gasped Jack s'Here are five dollars
for a New Years present. Say no more
about it. Take your casket back, and ]
will call on you this afternoon and
square up the balance. Don't you see
that was not myself when / spoke to
you about that interment? Now, GO
away like a good fellow and Jack
pushed Mr.. Brown out. and sat down
again to his invoices with heavy
heart.
"How full I must have BEEN" he
muttered. ITO order coffin; why.
that S the worst | ever did. 1 wish
could remember something about what
happened after left Benton s.. But j
can't It's no use; I'm wretched
swine, and not long for this world.
| rm'-
Gentleman wants to see Mr.. Quinn
BY" shrieked the messenger.
Don disturb yourself, Mr.. Quinn
by" cried a short, stout man, with a
bull neck. ''Juss ten-thirty. Come to
give you your lesson as per contract. =
and swinging sack from his back, he
took out set of boxing gloves, and
smiled complacently at the astonished
i Quimby.
What the dickens are you doing
here?" calculated that individual, as
soon as he recovered his breath.
Your boxing-lesson, Mr.. Quimby.
Contract drawn up. sir, last night.
Signed in the presence of Mr.. Elmore.
Hours from ten to twelve every day. at
this Office See for YOURSELF And
the pugilst handed Jack paper on
which his own signature appeared, W th
Elmore and several others as witnesses,
to an agreement between Sam Slogem
of the first part, and John Quimby, OF
the second part, wherein it was agree
that said Slogem should instruct said
Quimby in the manly art of self-de-
tense. between the hours of ten and
twelve at his Front street office, at 50. so
a lesson.
"'Here's five dollars" said Quimby;
"take it for your trouble, Mr.. Slogem,
and come about the latter end of next
week" And as the puglist put his
gloves away and walked off Jack clasped
| his hands about his head and fell into a
train of serious thought
GIVE been off, he said, "but never
SO off as | was yesterday. A coffin and
boxing lessons-where the deuce could
have been, anyhow"
{" Let me in; M st see him! Curse
him! I'll kill him, the cowardly scoun-
drel! He insulted my wife! | say let
me in; I'll have his lifer' The voice
and the scuffte were outside Mr.. Quinn.
by door.
Impossible, sir, impossible. Mr..
| Quimby is a gentleman, and never,
knowingly, insulted any one.
This was quite enough for Jack. He
! felt a cold chill all over, and, Selling
his cane and hat, shot down a side en-
trance.
"Where are you going, Mr. Quinn
Ilby?P asked porter.
"To the dickensn' shouted Jack.
'FThe whole world is coming here with
collins, and boxing gloves, and insulted
wives. Fm crazy-plum crazy. Out
of my wa. or IL kill YOU" And the
wretched man darted into the street.
sprang into a hack, and fell back on
the seat in condition OF complete ex-
haust. on.
On the third day of January Miss AL
ice Benton was informed that Mr.. John
Quimby craved audience of her.
"Why, Jack, how pale you are. and
how miserable you look,'' she ex-
claimed, as Mr.. Cuimby made her a
very humble bow, and cast on her a
glance full of the most imploring peni-
tence.
''Alice," he said, lido you remember
New Years day?''
"Of course / do"
&c called on 70 /, Alice. y
Certainly yon did, Jack; and sang a
song, too. Don you remember
!" Remember; yes, quite well-at least,
/ think l do. But after that, Alice. aft
er tina" =
"Come, Jack, don't look 50 horror
stricken. What occurred after thatP'
Heaven alone knows Ionly know
about half, and there must be hundred
precincts yet to hear from. | went to
an undertaken and ordered coffin;
invited bruiser to call at my. office
during business hours and spar with me;
Iinsulted somebody's wife; borrowed
money from every one in town, and
there were thirty-two creditors waiting
to see me in the hall yesterday; | have
seven pairs of boots making for me in
various arts of the town; | have bought
land, ships, o-partnerships grain,
] clothes, guns--in fact Alice, find that,
begging your pardon, Satan has 90
such mortgage on me that he took
possession of this poor carcass on New
| Years night, and have come to swear
off, once and forever"
'.On what will you swear, Jackp
Now, mind you, this is serious matter.
You never acknowledg, d before that
such necessity existed. Shall / get the
Bible?''
F'I'll swear on your lips, sweetheart. !"
said Mr. Quimby, calamity, and right
Justify did he ia the oath. .sIt's high
time, darling" he continued, when a
man mistakes an unAerta er shop for a
saloon-it's high time to turn over a
new leaf. y
And Charley Elmore was DUMMY s
best man at the wedding; but from that
day to this Jack never suspected that
he was the victim of a reformatory con-
spiracy. ArgonGut.
The Speed and Size Of Atlantic Waves.
The London Nautical Magazine con-
tains an article by Captain Riddle, the
Atlantic steamship commander, on the