Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-02-05

''Hadn't better pray for rain to-day,
Deacon?" said Binghampton minister
Sunday. ''Not to-day, dominee, Think
was the reply. "The wind isn't right
Bushe, the Irish chief justice, on being
told that the judges in the court of COM
mon pleas had little or nothing to do, re-
marked, ''Well, they're quite equal to it,"
''Don't you think" said husband,
mildly rebuking his wife. ''that women
are possessed by the devil?" eyes," was
the quick reply, Gas soon as they are
married.
There is in Kentucky an eighteen-year
old girl that weighs 800 pounds. The New
York Commercial Aduertiser says the par
lor sofa is made of cast iron, but what
material the young mans lap is made of
is not stated.
Some one has finely said, 81 expect to
pass through this world but once If,
therefore, there be any kindness can do
any fellow-being, let me do it now. Let
me not defer or neglect it, for shall not
pass this way again.
A clergyman down east, at funeral,
spoke of his own deep grief, as a near
relative; and when at the close some
body asked him what the connection was,
he answered-"The corpses brothers
wife, was my wife's own sister,"
Chow do you feel, my little MANI" ask
ed youth of his sweetheart's little broth
er. The young fiend looked up at him
sidewise, and with grin responded: 81
feel just as if I'd like to have a dime. "
He got it, but his prospective brother-in-
law now avoids the health question.
The following is the reply of fond
father, who had just received letter from
his son, a student in his own alma mater.
''My dear sir: Accept my heartiest con.
gratulations. was engaged to the same
Miss Bunter when l was in college, and
can appreciate the fun you are having
Your loving father"
Time and again, without any gain tC
himself, however, has an Austin tailor
Mr.. Pinkey French, dunned DIR. w. R
| Rodes. The latter has been owing the
former tailor's bill for the last foul
years. s'Doctor / am losing a great dea
of time trying to collect that bill" sait
| French. ''You will get all your tim,
back. l am going to pay you in time"
A little girl went to visit her grandfathe
in the country. She is fond of milk, bu
firmly refused to drink any while there
| without giving any reason. When sh
returned she was asked: ''You had mic
milk to drink, didn't your" 81 guess
didn't drink any of that milk!" she indig
nantly replied. do you know wher
grandpa got it? 1 saw him squeeze it on
of an old cowl''
A marriage ceremony came to an abruI
and ludicrous termination the other ola
in Atlanta, Ga. A prominent clergyma
of that city, being about to unite a colo
ed couple, had just asked the solem
question, 'sWilt thou take this woman
! etc. 2" when an old fame of the bridegroo
poked her head into the room, and sait
"Henry, I jes' dar' yo' to say yes" Hem
sank into the nearest chair without
word, and the guests thoughtfully wit
drew.
young man in an Illinois town ste
. ped into a church door moment one Su
: day while the services were going o
!. and the sharp minister saw him and sal
II $50 out young man; she is not here
IS The young man was embarrassed for
moment, and then remembering the sc
eral ministerial scandals that were in t
= courts, he said loud enough for everybo
~ to hear him: ssYes, she is, you old duff
5 You have got her hid behind the orgs
70 and you want to go home with her yo
IS, SELF
of