Daily globe., 1883-08-25
PLEASANTRIES.
A GREEN BAY horse is no uncommo,

thing in Wisconsin.
"No LIBRARY is complete without ii"
the feather duster.
A SOUND suggestion-Never turn e
deaf ear to a telephone.
"Do YOU see any grapes, Bob?" eyes,
but there is dogs" "Big dogs, Bob?"
eyes, very big" "Then come along
these grapes are not ours, you know"
"a FELLOW must SOW his wild oats,
you know" exclaimed the old aloles
cent john "Yes," replied Annie, "but
one shouldn't begin sowing so soon after
grading"
NEVER use slang. It may not always
apply. Listen, as A. comes into BIS
room. Says B.: "How do you like my
new shoes?" A.-"Oh, they're i'm
mensep
"FEw lawyers" says an English
writer, "have ever been invested with
the Order of the Garter" This shows
that that kind of garter was not intend
ed for climbs of the law. ."-Bosto71
Globe.
A LIQUoR-sELLER presented his bill
to the executor of a deceased customers
estate, asking, do you wish my bill
sworn to?" No." said the executor,
the death Of the deceased is sufficient
evidence that he had the liquor.
It THOUGHT" remarked the victim,
after the dentist had dragged him
around the room several times, Il
thought you advertised to extract teeth
without pain?" $50 I do, sir" replies
the operator, blandly; "it doesn't hurt
me at all to yank 'em!"
"MY DEAR" said Mr.. Jones to his
wife, you are mighty flee to call every
body fool. Can you tell me what
fool looks ike?" Eyes, I can, but I
WON'T" she replied, angrily. "Why
not, love?" Because you can hook in
the glass and see for yourself. That's
the way 1 found out. Cincinnati
Drummer.
A FATHER has been complaining to o
friend Of the family of the conduct of
his prodigal son. You ought to reason
with him seriously" says the friend of
hefamily. $50 I do! So have, says
the father in despair, "but it has. no eff
feet The young scoundrel will listen
to nobody that isn't fool like himself.
want you to go and talk with him."
The hair of a girl employed in an
Eastern cotton mill was caught in the
machinery, torn off her head and ground
into bits. But the girl didn't mind it
much. She kept right en- at her work
simply remarking that it only cost "a,
anyhow. This is one of the advantages
of art over nature-NorTIsto Her
aid.
An uninformed Irishman, hea1ing the
Sphinx alluded to in company, whis
pered to friend: "Sphinx? Who's he,
now?" "a monster man." 90, a Mum
ster man? I thought he came from
| Connaught, :" replied the Irishman, de-
termined not to seem totally unac-
! quainted with the family ly-EngHsh
Tidbits.
"MR. SPEAKER" said an Arkansas
legislator, Il am compelled to ask for
leave of absence, having just received
telegram stating that my son has killed
man.. Just then another dispatch
was handed to him, and after reading
it he said: "The last dispatch, Mr..
| Speaker, makes a correction, stating
that my son was the one who was killed.
Go ahead with your rat killing. A leave
of absence is unnecessary" ."---ArkansaU
I'rdUeler.
WHERE he weakens:
We may live without love, and live without
! heart:
| We may live without hope, and live without art;
! books;
But where is the man who can live without
| cooks?
We may live without love;
What is love but repning?
! We may live without hope:
What is hope but bcguiling?
| We may live without friends:
What friends but dcceiving?
But civilized man cannot live without dining.
From lucille.
POSTAGE on NEWSPAPERS.
There are now over 11,O0O papers
printed in the United States. In view
OF the fact that the press is an educa-
tional agent, it has been suggested that
the Government could not do better
than to allow publishers to send their
!