Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1883-12-06


you'll only have patience. Now try"
'sThen it wants pile driver grinned
Mr.. Spoopendyke- 81 had an idea that
derrick was the proper thing. That
the way you meana' and Mr. Spoopen-
dyke caught his four fingers in an iron
grip and bent them double. s'Is that one
on, from your standpointg Are those
ends sticking out there intended to rep
resent anything particular connected with
funeral? What's all this bare place
down here forl Is that the way the rest
of those pall-bearers are going to look2n
and Mr.. Spoopendyke pointed disdain-
fully at the futtering fingers and his
naked palm. ''Perhaps the rest will
paste the glove over this bare spotl Is
that the way it worksG"
'sNo, DEAR murmured Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, not exactly seeing her way clear,
and wishing she had said nothing about
the gloves. II would give them gem
tie pull, now. Just see if they won't go
on that way"
Mr.. Spoopendyke caught grip, and
hauled until he was red in the face, but
the glove hung fire. Then he braced his
foot against the side of the bureau and
gave tremendous wrench.
"It is a good, strong glove, anyway" J"
commented Mrs. Spoopendyke, who had
been watching the experiment with an
anxious interest
/" What dye think I'm going to do ~
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke, temporarily
letting up on his performance. "What
do you think this is the funeral of, a
gymnasium Got any kind Of a notion
that I'm going to bury circus Why
didn't you get some gloves more renowned
for their going on mans hand, and less
for their durability Strong, eh ~
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, going back to
his avocation with renewed appetite.
Think they are pretty strong, do you 2
Just you keep an eye on these iron-clads
now, and you will get some new notions
about strength ~ and Mr.. Spoopendyke
bent all his energies on the glove, and
ripped it from the thumb knuckle to the
wrist joint. THAT the way you mean
it to go ~ he yelled, considerably dissat-
isfed with his success. ''Think this
style adds anything funeral to my ap-
pearance Is this the latest thing in
palI-bearing 2'
Never mind, DEAR" cooed Mrs.
spoopendyke. {" 1 can take few stitches
in it, and it will do for to-day"
Whats the matter with it now2"
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke, giving it
another jerk that carried the tear around
to the whole back of the hand "What
it wants is few stitches taken out of it,
and the proprietor is going right into
the business of getting them out. How
does that strike you?" and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, having pulled the disintegrated
part over his wrist, stuck out the fingers
fer his wife's contemplation with the air
of man who was setting the fashions.
"Tll tell you what you can do, said
Mrs. Spoopendyke. You can wear
the other and carry this in your hand.
No one will notice the tear, and think
the other will go on easier.n
Mr.. Spoopendyke made grab for the
other glove, and jammed his hand intoit.
Half way on it stuck, just as the first had.
" Yesl" he painted. 'tThis is easierl
See it crawl up my hand Stop it, will
you? Hold the dod-gasted thing before
it climbs into nv earl Chock it some
where, can't you2 Tie string around it
and hold i'll" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
pulled with all his might, and worked
his fingers and mouth simultaneously
" Now Pm readyln he howled. Bring
forth the catafalque and place this
fashionably gloved hand on the silver
handles thereof My wife has fixed me
for the ordeal, and it's too cold to keep
the corpse waitingl This style of
funeral adornment for a doliarl" and
AIr. Spoopendyke held up his hand and
waved it in the air g Come onr' he
yelled, going at it again. You're the
one that goes on easy, and the other is
the one I'm to carryl Don't make any
mistake in your functions on so solemn
an occasion as this Come on and be
saved r and he jerked it over his thumb
and then tore the thumb out. @ Got
any more gloves2n he demanded Of his
shrinking wife. "Think l am going to
bury brother mason with one thumb
and split handa Got any kind of no
tion that this is tramp's funeral, and /
am to go pall-bearing around in rags?"
''Never mind, dear, maybe the rest
won't wear gloves, and if they do, you
can say you forgot yours said Mrs.
spoopendyke, soothingly.
'sWan't me to stand over that measly
coffin and lie about it, don't YOUR he
squeaIed, as he saw that even his wife
had given up the last hope Of glowing
him appropriately. 'sWant me to stand
over the mans grave and assure him that
I'll bring along pair of gloves when |
die, perhapsln
Cant you stop ana buy pair as you
go along?n asked Mrs. spoopendyke, as
the easiest solution she could think of.
That's it," howled Mr. Spoopendyke,
to whom this idea had just occurred, and
who was righteously indignant that his
wife had thought of it to. Il can lean
out of the window and yell for the hearse
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