davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
HUMOROUS.

Zone good turn deserves another"
as the tug-boat Captain said to the
bridge-tender. N4
How may vein be likened to dry
book? In its being opened only in
cases of extreme necessity.
An advertiser of very cheap shoes
recently blurted out the real truth in
mistake-thus: IN. b. Ladies wish.
ing those cheap shoes will do we'll to
call soon, as they will not last long,
Detroit Post 90 i.ene
The widow of Scotch Duke is
about to be married to a New York ex-
editor. We are glad to see that the
nobility doesn't consider itself incapa-
BILE of improving its condition. er-
chant Traveller.
IA Georgia man has raised peach
that weighs pound.'f If Georgia
man can t raise peach weighing more
than pound he must be pretty weak.
We have fifteen-year-old boys in this
vicinity who can "raise" a pumpkin
weighing one hundred pounds Norris
to,On Herald.
-"You ought to be in our room
now" said Amy; 1--WE have teacher
that rules the roost.' WELL" replied
the High School girl, '.Td be ashamed
of myself; you should say: governs
the horizontal perch on which the fowl
reposes,' not rules the roost.' OIL
City Derrick.
my son Willyim," said fond
mother, ''uster be pretty wild rs boy,
but since he went West he's sorter
turned over new leaf and got steady.
He's getting along well, to, for i see his
name in the papcrs-they say he's been
road agent doing large business,
and that his fellow citizens organized
ncck-tie sociable in his honor recently.
am so glad that Willyim is getting
up in the world." -Rochester P0st-EG-
press aie< .-. nra
"A little four-year-old was taken on
visit to grandmamma in the country.
There, for the first time, he had a near
view of a COW. He would stand and
look on while the man MIXED, and ask
all manner of questions. In this way
he learned that the long crooked
branches on the cows head were called
horns. Now the little fellow knew of
only one Kind of horn, and few days
after obtairing this information, hear
ing n strange kind of believing noise in
the yard. he ran out to ascertain its
cause. In a few minutes he returned,
with wonder and delight depicted on
his countenance, exclaiming: mann
ma. mammal Oh, do come out here!
The cows blowing her horns"'
per'S Bazaar. t'Si"h
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
Making a Start.

IL am on my way East and have
about three hours in which to see De-
troit,n said a stranger yesterday to .
policeman on Jefferson avenue.
want to begin right Now, then, you,
of course, have the finest Fire Depart
ment in the country?f
'sYes, sir.r &c. 81 h- E
+" Ahl Exactly-exactly. And the best
police forcePnfd .1i.d ~ l9T
: .eYes.',i nj afiId dii us of
p just as expected exactly. This
is, Of course, one of the healthiest cities
in the world?" fts l|'ri f.'j '' "iiu
sit is.'' ''''i '''''
" Ah-yes.'s You have a, noble -rivel
at your doors pr - ''tNON ~'Ne'"
1--WE have, SIKH 81 --1sftrI 1u
"Exactly Il presumed as much.
You have churches and schools for all,
of course?" s'.f'fn SAL lr .'nrirui
!. Yes, sir" .sa.d idi
- Exactly-of course. Taxes are
low, the local government efficient, and
law and order prevail in all direc
tions?" '- @'N-. 'Aisn " yt'f'lH -'
;. Yes.'' 5.us.s sof eaisru arse4
~ suppose so-yes. The city is i'm
proving, and is certainly to become .
great metrOpOlis?' t, 81 e-f .4.s --.i-.r
n That's what we think.p str.-l
"Of course-of course. You have
pure air, good water and freedom from
epidemicsp"
Yes, sill" ,-E,ife ffo -.aix sarf
Exactly -exactly-just as / sup
posed. They said the same in Buffalo,
Cleveland, Cincinnati, Chicago, Indian
apolis and Milwaukee,. II you will now
have the kindness to direct me to a
five-cent barber-shop l will enjoy a
shave and then see the city. With the
start you have given me i can not fail
to do you justice. Detroit Free Press.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
--------------
lie Saw Widows.

Officer Button, at the Union Depot,
picked up, the other day memoran-
dun book evidently lost by some one
attending the State fair. All the en-
tries are made in business-like man.
ner, and some of them are readable.
The first entry is:
.'Shall take sixteen dollars with me
to the State Fair. Second-class hotel.
good enough for me. Beware of pick
pockets. Keep your eyes open for
good-looking widow. View the anil
mails. and don't forget to take two clean
handkerchiefs along. 'f'4 . ~
The second entry reads: u 2. a'a.r2 Y
Fair up to the average. Saw
widow in the car going mp. Didn't
seem TO like my style. Somebody had
stuck me with a bogus half-dollar. Saw
another widow on the grounds, Rather
too stout. Viewed the animals and was
kicked by a steer
Third entry-"Good attendance.
Slept on the floor. Jam on the street
cars. Passed the bogus money Off on
a jboot-black.E Saw 4 widow at the no.
tel Most too lean vi Went TO tte,rtiie.
alter last night. Saw several widows
but no chance to make an impression.
Fourth .entry-"Big, crowd on the
grounds. Beat my Way In Saw a
willow on the fence. di Most too vboister-
ious for my locality. Saw horse-race.
One horse beat all the others. Viewed
the machinery and was hit on the ear
BIZ loafer. Saw a widow viewing the
headless rooster. Mouth most too large
for my part Of the State. Slept in. a
barn for nothing"
Fifth entry1isaw a widow in the
post7oifice Blind in one eye. No good
Big jam. Tried to beat my way in but
couldn't. Saw a horse-race. Saw "a
widow on the grand stand Bowed TO
her. Cold cut Viewed the big OK.
Saw a widow in Honey, Hall. Raised
my hat. Got left Feel blue -
As that was the last entry II would
seem as If he gave up in disgust and
started for home. A person supposed
to be him ''saw a widow at the depot
Friday afternoon, and became so OBJ
noxions that she hit him over the head
with an umbrella and two or three men
reached for him with cowhide boots
Chicago Times. H7Is8 aH9t agAi Ag5
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
Taxing Mastaches and Eggs.

The following amusing dialogue,
which took place the other day between
an official and number of revolutions
airy peasants in the neighborhood OF
Agram, illustrates the nature of some OF
the causes which have brought about
some of the present troubles in Austria:
1--WE wish, said the peasants, Ito see
the papers in which the new taxes are
written down = ut f ! have neither papers
nor new taxes .sTell that to some
body else, sir; we know very well that
you have brought the papers. 81 as
sure you it is not So" After a long
parley, which ended in search for the
documents on. the officials body, the
peasants at last believed him, and one
courageous spokesman asked: a So the
new taxes do not EXIST" 81 assure you
that they do mott And we have to
pay no taxes according to the length of
our mustache?' i" Most certainly not"
(" Neither according TO the number of
children we hayesn what are you
thinking OPP Neither according to
the number of eggs in our housesp'
whoever told you such thing?"
Thereupon with loud EXPLANATIONS of
joy the peasants. who had gathered to-
gether from many different parishes,
dispersed to their homes. Similar
stories equally baseless have, however.
played prominent part in some of the
greatest revolutions recorded in history.
-PuL-MdU Gazette.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26

out the. burned ones. and I hare toclssn
Il shouldn't 1thinksanybody'd know
whether you'd cleaned 'em, or, not.
1heyre so high w" said the stranger.
The Inspector looked at the speaker
solemnly and drew Something that
looked like a coil of scofched auburn
hair out of his pocket. ,,.,- -.
"DO yoa see that?n he said. THAT
was part of spool of wire in an cleo
trio lamp that cost eioat doIlars-fhe
spool did, see? Well. the rod that held
the carbon IN that lampwasn't cleaned.
30 instead OF feeding properly-you
know It slips the under carbon down as
it burns-it stuck.
The lightning took short cut
through that spool and burned it like
thread. you see. the lamps are cleaned
for something beside. show
Don't those carbons burn out too
quick Tor you sometimes?" was asked.
IF we catch 'em at it we retire them,
but there's an automatic cut-out in these
Maxim lamps THAT switches the light
from the. burnt-out pair of ,carbons at
twelve O'Clock each night on to the
other pair. The carbons retire one
another, you see.'
Are you responsible for the wires as
well as the lamps?' INQUIRED the stran.
ger, as he halted before turning up Chest
nut street.
You can't expect everything fol-
two dollars and twenty-five cents day,
can you?f replied the inspector. mo:
there S a regular set of telegraph line
men for that. They have to watch the
wires, especially at fires, when it's the'I
duty TO cut the connections into the
burning buildings and take out their
lamps. Such lamps as the ones in the
Arch Street Opera-House. and the Dime
Museum are worth sixty dollars apiece,
and lineman will take big risk to
save property of that value. Then they
have to uncross the wires when the fire.
men lay their ladders over them. One
Of our linemen sat on top of a telegraph
pole nearly all night at a late fire in
Richmond shaking out crosses. Pal.
dde piid Times
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
Personal AND LITERARY.

The famous pianist. DIR. Hans Won
Bulow, has become the inmate of q
'unatic asylum.
MIR Spurgeen's publisher is said to
have sold $4,000 copies of John
Ploughman's Talk" .ss..
MIR. Macveagh is going to write up
his six months experience IN the Gar
field Cabinet. Philadelphia Press.
From the fact that she calls it
dear America now, the Louisville
Cou,ier-Journat infers that Mrs. Lang
try is learning to be great actress,
Texas has a little girl lecturer,
Jennie Scott by name, who is prodigy.
She is seven years old, and speaks most
learnedly on many subjects. She has
never been to school. Chicago Herald.
Mrs. Julia Gardner Tyler. widow Of
ex-President Tyler, and Mrs. Sarah
Childress Polk, widow of ex-President
Polk, draw their pensions of $1,000
each at the agency in Knoxville, Tenn.
Miss Leslie Aver. daughter of the
late James Aver, of patent medicine
celebrity. is the latest American target
for the aim of impecunious foreign
Counts. The young woman, with her
dot of 5000, 900, receives much at
tention in the aristocratic circles OF
Paris.-N Y Herald.
There was happy family reunion
in Polk County, Ore, a few days ago,
Mrs. Nancy Liggett, of Missouri, hav-
ing gone thither to meet her three SIS
tcrs, whom she had not seen for forty
five years. She is seventy-five years
old, and her sisters are: Mrs. Kinsey,
aged seventy; Mrs. Clark, aged sixty
nine, and Mrs. Price, aged sixty-seven.
Chicago Journal.
A Brahma missionary to England
| gives this description of John Bright:
John Bright eats his breakfast like a
lion, and digests it, too; but he doesn't
drink. He is a broad, middle-sized
man, with great soft hands and an
enormous appetite. 1 have seen him
finish off the plentiful morning meal
with a half jug of milk and good lump
of sugar, which he puts into his mouth
somewhat surreptitiously." ~ +.
The widow of Rev. Elkanah Walker
is probably the sole survivor of the
women who rode across the plains to
Oregon on horseback in the early ays.
She resides at Forest Grove, in that
| State, and is still in good health. The
| saddle on which she rode across the
plains forty-five years ago is still in her
possession. Her son, G. H Walker, the
Oldest white person born in Oregon, was
with her in Portland on the day of the
recent railroad paradox T.. Post.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26

FR1GHTEl;Nl,.ED..

Once seven ancient iaiies sat. serenelyi taking
Each with cap and kerchief white. knitting
Each with cup and saucer quaiist, slipping With
q smile, 1850 ri - Efstx
Chatting. chatting, busily. cozily. the while.
To complete the picture. in front OF each a
cat, isef.tSisqlss ~ vsltsail sss.5 81
Purring, drowsily content plump and peace
full. sat y 's.ssN Attf- = 70
Hark! tiny, scratching noise, Zach cat
cocks her ear;
Zach dame dropsher teacup--holds herbreath
to hear.
Tempted by the silence, forth timid mousie
stole r4k tt s4U sfsstt4 =
Softly out; but wished herself bach within
her hole. s-Hf te11s,-f1 let-
Seven beasts with glaring eyes, ts'ls erect in
air.
Seven danes that, screaming. hop each upon
her chair
Spell-bound at the drea iful sight, trembling
mousie stands:
Ancient ladies weep and moan, wringing of
their hands; - Stft Ef-E
Peaceful tabbieS turn aud fee, overcome
with fear.
or them all. which do you think was fright
ened most my dear?-GO,den Dogs.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
The Mice and the Tran.

Up in the garnet in our house there
used TO be lots of mice. But they neye,
were any trouble until one day papa put
some corn there to dry so that he could
use it to plant in the spring. When he
went to look at it, not long after. he
found that much of it had been carried
off by the mice.
So he told me that he would give me
a penny for every mouse / would catch.
was delighted, and Immediately got
our old trap, put some cheese in il and
placed it in the garrett. Eal fBs 81 =
The trap had but two holes, and so
could catch but two mice at time.
But / thought that great many. when
for three mornings l had found the trap
full, and had been paid six cents for the
mice. / thought how rich l should be
if found two mice in the trap on every
morning fora year. But it did not hap
pen SO, unfortunately for me.
One morning when went to look at
my trap / found it sprung and the
cheese all gone, but there was no
mouse. I set the trap again, and the
next morning it was the same way.
trap sprung, but no mice and no cheese.
! told papa about it, and he was so much
surprised that he said he would watch
for the mice the next night and find out
how they did it.
Well, he went up to the garnet long
after had gone to sleep. First ne
heard little squeak, then in the bright
moonlight he saw. a little gray mouse,
with large ears and bright eyes, looking
out from behind barrel. Then the
little fellow came ont, looked around 10
see that there was no danger, and then
gave another little squeak. when three
or four more came out, and all went 10
the trap, peeked into it, and saw that
there was more supper for them. But
they did not any of them put their
heads in to eat it. The largest mouse
put his tail into the holes, and, hitting
the cheese, sprung the trap; then he
pulled out his tail, got the cheese and
shared it with the others. & fef. s,p
They all seemed quite happy in think
ing now nicely they were cheating that
little boy whom they saw so carefully
setting the trap to catch them Our
Little Ones
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
Found BY a Dream.

N HHa
a remarkable incident was related to
An Avalanche reporter yesterday by DR..
ID. F. Goodyear, and IL smacks so much
of the working of spirits that the story as
told the reporter is given, leaving to all
the readers of the -aCdld,ache the. solu-
ton of the mystery as best they can.
The incident is as follows: On Septem-
Der Mr.. Samuel Dreyfus, for many years
Deputy Sheriff in charge of the Crimi-
nal Court, died at his residence on Ex-
change street in this city of an affecta-
ton of the lungs. On the 9TH of Sep
TENDER one of his sons visited DR.. Good.
year and inquired If his father had left
any of his private papers with him, as
It was we'll known tho deceased had
been member, of several benevolent
institutions in Memphis, and a look
over those papers found at home re-
vealed but one policy on his life and
that was in the order of the Knights
and Ladies of Honor. 1t was known to
his family and relatives that he had left
policies in other organizations of SIM
liar order to the amount of $40, 600. DIR.
Goodyear, who had keen on intimate
terms with the deceased, did not re-
member of him having left
any papers with him, but to
be certain carefully examined
the contents of his safe, but failed 10
find any. MIR. Ben X. Pullen, formerly
Chief Clerk in the Sheriff Office, but
now City Register. was also questioned
by the son of the deceased, but be, too,
did not remember of any papers being
left in his care. Three days afterwards
the brother-in-law of the deceased
called on DIR. Goodyear and made The
same statement regarding the missing
policies as had the SON. Another search
was made, but it. too, proved fruitless-
Now comes the strange portion of the
story. Yesterday forenoon, so relates
Mr.. Ben X. Pulien, he fell asleep in his
Office and dreamed that Sam Dreyfus
appeared before him and asked: '.What
bad become of his papers. which he had
given him while he was in charge Of the
Sheriff Office" He answered: They
sre safe where ! placed them" and
suddenly awakening proceeded at once
to the Sheriff Office. which is on the
door above, and found the missing
package intact, where he bad placed il
many months ago.
The package was without delay
turned over TO the family of the de-
ceased, and in IL was the missing poll
cies- The weIl-known character Of Mr..
Pullen and DIR. Goodyear is q guarantee
of the trufhfulness OF the story related
above. Memphis lzeaA) Ard'anehe.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
{" ONE OF THREE"

nv IEssE rUrHEHGff.t.
Auihor ~ "Ifuf,dfion." The U-clfsbis," 10


Auihor ~ "Tfui,dtion.' The Uclfsids." az.
PARABLE.
"lIorc arr three brcast-kuots," said
swiso rian 70 n maiden who was pass
INK bis hut. 'Ihoosc quickly which
You will wear through life
The maiden looked NJ the knots, and
took one Of them up. twill keep this.
add wear ~ khc said
"Why thatF' asked the sage. True,
u u not the worst. This tinsel affair
would have given you no satisfaction;
but Il y not the best This with the
Tiny dianlond In its folds il the hest
Tho one YOU have chosen has but little
steal -b,aLton. with a sharp point. some
times YOU will hurt yourself with Il.
Take rather the third-this with the
diamond"
II will have This. said the girl,
Singing 90 her first choice.
'.But why?r r-r l..e,.-. .
NlIecnuse like il the best -
tWhy. soPr Isl. @ - II
Because do answered the maid-
IN. pinning the knot on To her breast,
and going away singing.
The sage, with u cynical smile. with
drew into his hut.
Always The same old talo. ha NUT
lciel ~ With mnu and maid .Alilas. I
like IL best And whyP' Because l
JOG--.n gsOws monOtonous. -.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
Oh THE BRIDGE


r, WA Young RobIn ana hisfovs
Stood on \ bridge ~ evenleong.
Nlrhf loountleas lamps vero ln abovos
NcIots. The etfoaollet Slid alone.
Afrors DC rail she lightly loRnt,
And ord iuiO thc quiet stream.
WknfcinrhoHag with deep eontent
IN tuoir1 starr rofiectrd Eloam:
TIIf ncVer glnrn sboac haif ~ bright
- Esiee eycs HAT anmmcr nixht-
Around her tspes waist an arm
Her gallant kohin's-gcutiy lay;
m place anil hour thorn lurked charm
Familiar snunds upon the gallo
Were aoftly waited 90 the car.
Ant froun tho darkness of the vale
The lOvc-lorn mavis nutcd clear;
nut swcetcr than tho song he sung.
Tho words that trcmbled ON her tongue.
The shsdows deepen iu the dell:
Weird bats athwart tha water plays
And on tho ftful hrcctca swell
The village ohurcil-bclls far away.
Thro,aah AL the uindinHs OF tho glade.
Tho stately fccs. like phantoms stand:
Whilst Love was leading man and madd
Par onward into fairylandi
And neither had on earth n part. .
save only Ian the others hcarti
Annn. frum yonder woolcd ridRc,
The rold moon climbs the blue cnpanso,
she Eorncs the rustic bridge.
Her beams upon the hrooklct dance:
She a0ftly winds about tho twain
The radiance ~ her llguid light.
AZ thsa~h..for isyers, shs woold fan
Create u falrcr day from night.
Iier silver sirnot -noth hing 10th
She sets upon their pliRhtcd truthi
-thdmbcrs' JOuruL
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26
Concerning the wel!and Canal.

Few Americans have any idea Tabout
the Welland Canal. l. looked at this
new achievement of the Canadians last
week; the Great Western Railroad oil
Canada runs beneath the canal by 4
tunnel; the old Welland Canal, which,
Is still used. lies some two or three
miles to the west of the present, one,
The old canal was a ,towpath concern
and did not admit steam tug coiricE
dent with thc,vessel. The new canal
has fourteen feet of water iwhen- there is
high water, but in summer drouth, it Ia
said to be less than fourteen feet. 1 It is
magnificently constructed work, and
excites surprise that the :, Americans
should have permitted the Canadians to
anticipate them. Yet Il will be OBJ
served that the facilities for this canal
through Canada are much better than
through the United States. The axis of
the two lakes. Erie and Ontario. ,passes
through Canada; the Niagara River
issues from the extreme eastern end of
Lake Erie, while Lake Ontario oyerIaps
Lake Erie considerably in Canaflas III
rather startling TO see moving through
the apparently solid ground. for the
country Is very high where the new
Wellandr Canal is built. tall, massiSe
ocean steamers, full rugged ships etc.
sometimes as continuous as a. Caravan
across the desert. They 90 along silent
", not sound or q whistle. esca rjr,o
them, and the visitor sometimes-thinks
his mind IL deceived and TINT thai land
scaPe = Enthusiastically Tribune I. Note
- - 7Sst'. - y - y ~ All "a ff:y.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26

Your daughter? Il Is impossible
Why. you look more like twin sisters
mo; assure you, she is. my only
daughter" replied the pleased mother.
ADd-ths polite old gentleman spoiled 10
all by remarklng: well, she GER
tainly looks old enough to be your
sister Rochester e. - ROsEE5
preAa. 49, - - n - - I.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26

Water witches are highly regarded
in the far West. One man in particu-
lar has the reputation in Colorado of
being a trustworthy diviner. and he is
always in request. by trade he is >
well-digger, but to this commonplace
occupation he has added the profession
OF water-hnder. And he Is not exclu-
sively employed by silly people, but by
practical men Of business. Thus he Is
designating for railroad company all
the wells along the new liue which they
are constructing. The instrument Of
divination Is . forked twig. by prefer
ence mulberry--DeBuer Tribune 3.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26

HAS TIE missing link been discov-
cred in the fact that a gorilla can havc
the sman.PcxP-M y Gr1ptic.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-10-26

.Dr.nstie-a garnet where liquor il
sqld-7zs Judge
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-05-18
PRODUCE.
New York.

New York. May 17.-Cotton-Easier; III
lures firm. Flour-Duu and unchanged;
receipts 1900 barrels; exports $4,000 bar
rels. Wheat-Cssh lots N@1c lower; OPP
tions opened L@Xc better, but afterwards
became weak and reacted A@lc, closing at
about the lowest points; receipts 5000
bushels; exports $4,000 bushels; ungrsded
spring 81 1901 25; ungrsded red 81 Oofg
Al l6X; steamer No. 9 red 81 II; No, . red
81 23Hdl "a in elevator; 81 20AG1 2o%
in store; ungraded white 81 l29l 26:
No. / white, sales 1900 bushels, at 81 l6
in elevator; 81 14f. o. b; No. 2 red seller
Nav, sales 40, 900 bushels, at 81 20}1Gl 81,
closing at 81 20}f: seller June, sales So
600 bushels, at 81 2l@l Fix, closing
at 81 81; seller July, sales l,l0ioOo
bushels. at 81 23Gl 23Hi closing At 81 %;
seller August sa.es 1.60S,0o0 bushels, a!