The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-08-23
WIT AND HUM0R.

nallSt because he has free ticket TO
picnic. Orleans Picayuae.
We are asked the question if water
does not sometimes intoxicate. We
have often seen barrels that were water
tight.
Two deaf mutes were married the
other day in Philadelphia. 1t is to be
hoped the conjugal affection will be
mute-ual.
Ruskin says that no couple should
marry until they have courted seven
years This would lead one to suppose
that Ruskin runs soda fountain.
Oscar Wilde is describing the Ameri-
can girl to English audiences as "a
pretty oasis Of unreasonableness in a
desert of common sense.
The cost of stopping q train of cars is
said to be from 60 to 40 cents. When
train is stopped by another train these
prices become somewhat inflated.
Seeing carriage full of bellies and
beaux drive by, Aminadab remarked
that that reminded him of a load of
wooed.
Mistress to new cook: son Wednes-
days and Saturdays | shall 90 to market
with you" New cook: every well,
mum; but who's agoin' to carry the
basket the other days?"
1t is the same old story. Two Illinois
farmers had a dispute about the bound
ary lines of their farms. Their dispute
is now settled, and so are the lawyers
on their farms.-Phitadelphia NeaOs.
Your mother coming!' exclaimed
Smithers; '.why, they say the old Harry
couldn't live with her. y But replied
Mrs S., in her most taunting manner,
''you will try to, for my sake, won'tyou,
Charley?"
Bismarck may give the American hog
the cold shoulder now, but he will be
glad to take.it in next Christmas. The
American egg-nog, that is. That fits a
little rough, but you can't make a
smooth joke on such bristly subject.
A well-known novelist was recently
asked what he did to always keep the
attention of his readers 81 have read
a good DEAL" he replied, ''and always
try to avoid what annoyed me in other
writer's.
One-fourth of all the pineapples i'm
ported in the United States 90 to Phila-
delphia. A pineapple tastes good to
your nose. but it couldn't be much
more indigestible if it was made of hick-
DRY.
The New Jersey law prohibiting the
sale of tobacco to boys under 16 years of
age is not a grand success. The small
boy hires his big brother to buy the to-
bacco, and then goes halves with him
on the characterization Post.
What happy way of putting things
the real poet has! Now, Burns, in
stead of saying, ''Beware of pickpock-
etsr' expresses the same idea by ga
chiefs among ye takin' notes. Boston
Courier.
Nearly one hundred Philadelphia
teachers are to be married this Sum-
mer A school system that enables a
woman to support her husband is the
next best thing to free beer.-Burlingtoa
HaeOkeye.
A Western college boy was caught in
the act of rehearsing his Grafton before
small case in which were placed about
dozen eyeglasses. He confessed that
he was preparing himself beforehand to
endure the stony gaze of the audience.
In Newport boudoir: ooh. he is
such a charming gentleman. And he
either. No, indeed! He owns a bank;
for l have heard people who knew him
speak of it. 1t is in a Western city
named Faro
Baker, the life insurance agent, had
his chin-whiskers shaved off the other
day. ''What on earth did you do that
for?" asked his friend, on meeting him
soon after the catastrophe. IA man in
your business needs all the chin nature
and art can furnish him.
A cucumber five feet long is exhibited
at New Orleans. 1t isn't size that
counts in a cucumber, however. A little,
stubby fellow, three by two inches, has
proven enough to expand an ordinary
sized stomach to an acher PittSburg
Telegraph.
''What books shall we take away for
the summer?" asks the Philadelphia
Bulletin. If you're going to Newport
or Long Branch, Francis, we would
suggest that you take pocket-book;
one about three feet long and twenty
eight inches wide will last you a whole
week.
1t is said that Anna Dickinson will re-
turn to the stage next winter. Well,
she is right. She has tramped about
from one thing to another so long that
she must be sufficiently tired to enjoy a
good ride. Climb inside, Anna. the
seat next the window is most comforta-
BILE.
DR.. Mary Walker says if the post
master general does put the carriers
and department clerks into the Oscar
Wilde pantaloonettes, she will resign
and let the department go to pieces and
that's all there is of it; there now, Mary
Jane, not another word, her mind 8
made up.
Miss Winnerp. a school teacher at
Benton, Ind. pointed out to Fred Pien-
gle, one of her pupils, the folly of fall
ing in love with her. you're a good
boy" she said, "and | would like we'll
enough to be your mother, but l could
not think of becoming your wife" Fred
thereupon attempted suicide.
Don't talk to me about beginning at
the bottom of the ladder!" observed a
crushed actor to brother profess
sional, recently. Don't talk to me
about beginning at the bottom of the
ladder. began there ten years ago,
and I'm there still. If it was to do
over again, I'd begin at the top. It's
much easier to fall down than to climb
up"
Cholera is still raging to a great ex-
tent in the eastern hemisphere, and
though it has not spread far westward,
the list of deaths isvery large. Cholera
has .1ot reached the borders of this coun-
try M to this time, and no other dread
ed disease has foothold among our
people, but green apple, the water
melon, and over doses of water. are
giving the medical men all they can at
tapd To
A man came out of the postoffice car
rying fifteen-foot ladder on his shout
der and attempted to cross Broadway.
Two ladies, a vender of pencils, a po-
liceman and two ordinary citizens were
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