Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-07-11
PLEASANTRIES.

IF you drink lake water at Cleveland
you will get the Erie-sip-alas!
EVEN criminals like paragraphs; that
is to say, they prefer short sentence.
PETER has lost his best girl. He &C
cidentally touched her with a match.
She had on quantity Of powder and
went off.
WHAT are the best stories. That de-
ponds. When you are telling them, the
long ones are; when you are listening,
the short ones.
THERE is a man in California by the
name of Ink. But they have to be care
full how they "sling him. Burgj91g-
ton Free Press.
A PIG would seem the best subject for
medical students to experiment on, as
he could be killed first and cured after
ward. 1.-THE Jtldge.
"YOU can't make silk purse out of
your sows here" muttered Bismarck, as
ne signed the edict against American
pork. Dos. Trans.
"No," said bride, 'sI'm not willing
that our wedding tour should include
the Yellowstone Park. Yellow don't
agree with my complexion"
ANOTHER New York policeman has
just been assaulted. It is a very cow
ardly piece of business, this jumping on
man when he is aIseep.-Lou58V5lIe
Courier.
THERE is still one thing in favor of
the dude-he will never blow out his
brains for any woman. A charge of
shot fred into empty space would not
hit anything.
GIVEN to failing the girl who
| had quarreled with her lover: ''Oh, it's
all right! Harry said he should try to for
| get me, but ne always fails in anything
he undertakes"
''THINGs have come to pretty pass"
remarked Fogg, as young lady walked
| by the window where Brown and Black
were sitting. The boys said they saw
the ''pretty pass"
The press and the public appear to
have lost sight of the Jersey Lily, Sun
flower Oscar, Exile Arab, Lager Beer
Most, and the rest of the once blooming
exotics.-N. Y. Com.
WHEN the old gentleman comes home
and finds his daughters have got his slip
pers and the evening paper ready for
him, he realizes that it is the season for
q fall opening Of his pocketbook.
HOSTESS Now, don't stay out here
all the evening"" Host-"We'u join
you in ten minutes" Hostess ''NIiss
Screechy is going to sing, you know"
Host-"Oh, well, say an hour"
SOMEONE says ''no thoroughly occu-
pied man was ever miserable" That
man evidently don't know what it is to
attempt the feat of keeping twin babies
quiet while their mother goes to church.
PRETTY but very cheap chintz dresses
are now worn on the street by ladies of
wealth. The fashion was started by
sensitive mistresses who wish to avoid
being mistaken for their servants, who
wear silk.
A CINCINNATI belle, in reply to the
| question whether there was much Guilt
waited and refined society in her native
city, is reported as having replied:
''You jist bet your boots that we're
cultivated crowd"
IRIS Lowell who asks, 'sWhat is so
rare as day in June ?" is it not? Well,
now, if he had only stopped to think
minute he might have known that the
29th of February was the answer to the
riddle. -HarU0rd L0n1p00H.
AN exchange tells of ga yoong lady
losing the sole of her slipper while en-
| joying the intoxicating Whirl Of the
waltz" Of what profit was it to her if
she had gained the whole whirl if she
| thereby lost her soul.
IT is said that the right arms Of most
men are from an inch to an inch and a
half longer than their left arms. Reach
ing up on top of the closet hunting for
the tobacco box or the whisky bottle is
probably the cause. -PhjJadezphia
Chronicle.
We are told that ga genuine iabber-
wock has been discovered in Ohio. II
has a mouth foot wide, red, forked
tongue, teeth two inches long, and
green, glazing eyes. It whistles and
roars IN frightful manner" Does any
body know if Joseph Cook is missing
LoaUeU Citizen.
81 HAVE often noticed that gallant
young men walking with their sweet
hearts offer the left arm, while devoted
married men with their wives offer the
right arm. Why is this ?" Edith:
''The left arm is nearest the heart;
the right arm is nearest the pocket
book.
THINGS one would rather not have said:
Mrs A.-Come and lunch with me to-
morrow. You will be interested in the
schoolmaster's bride. Mrs. Bob, yes;
how do you like her? Mrs. Avery
well, only she's little unused to the
ways of society. shouldn't ask her to
meet nice people.
A PRooF-READER on the New Orleans
Picayune let's the compositor call an
omnibus an "obvibus." New Orleans
may be Frenchy, but this style OF Gaul
won't do in America. - Cincinnati Mer-
chant ITavezer. Speak no i'll of the
dead. This proof-reader's funeral &C.
CURED two days after the omnibus had
its bad spell.-NeaO Orleans PjcGyasrae.
$50 you want to obtain my consent
to your marriage with my youngest
daughter, Gardiner" ''Yes, sir; that's
my Intention" "Well, but I have got
another daughter, an older one, Emily,
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