Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1883-08-16

"a landscape girl is one who pats
two tints on her face.
The man who cannot lift mortgage
is too weak to farm.
There is big difference between rid
ing club and a walking stick.
A SCREW propeller: Why, screw
driver.
WHERE there's a will there's law
suit.
A ROLLING mill-A rongh and tumble
fight.
Pill makers are among the most ex-
pert boxers.
The wrestling season does not end
until the fall.
A heavy gold watch is something that
will stand loan
The war rs not much worn in tine Of
peace
The drinker of worm wood soon be
comes ebSinthe minded.
A dead beat is like a wind mill
Nothing moves him so quick as free
blow.
A piece of another mans mind may
cost you the peace OF your own mind.
Shepkeepers are TOO fast VIXEN they
try to spring summer goods Oh custs
mers.
Whes pick pocket gets out of prsc-
tice it takes long time for him to get
his hand in.
The chivalrous man will nsvea do a
mean act to mule behind his back 1t
isn't safe.
One should be charitable to the prison
inmates. They have all been severely
tried.
Business conducted on sound princi-
pies the telephone.
The new Chinese paper looks like
Delaware peach orchard.
Men in high places appear tn be able
to overlook greeat many things
The latest thing out according to Life
is the man with-key
Smithers has named his girl facts;
they are stubborn .hlngs.
You can't make the fellow with a lot
of sisters believe that happiness is
merely relative matter. AT all events
he goes to some other follows relatives
to find it.
Some one says: No thoroughly occu-
pied man was ever miserable How
about the man occupied in fighting
dozen hornets which have got up his
trousers?
Puck says the only safe way to wash
a mule is to stand On the other side of
the fence and nse a garden hose. Bat
as we are not in the business of washing
mules we don't feel much interest in the
Dude: We do not think that complain
ing to the police will do any good. The
best way is To be careful hereafter not
to stand in front of clothing store, or,
if obligsd to while waiting for car.
keep moving little. Then people won't
turn you around to look for the price
marks.
A Los Angeles rancher has raised a
pumpkin SO large that bis two children
use 4 half each for a cradle. This ma
seem very wonderful in the rural dis
tricts, but in this city three CT four full
grown policemen have been found asleep
on single beat. San Francisco 'ust.
Where should | wear an engagement
Iingy Wear il on the srrund finger of
the right hand if every thing is open and
above board; but if you do hot want ANY
one to know Of the engagement We would
advise you to wear it in the right hand
corner of an old striped stocking in the
bottom Of the bureau drawer IChicago
Herald.
The literature of advertisements is |
sometimes as comical AS the funniest
sayings of the funniest men. In the Far
West man advertisss for "A woman "to |
wash, iron and milk one or two cows"
TO wash cow occasionally may not be- |
out Of place, though in the east
We wash tho milk instead of the COW,
because it is an easy way Of accomplish
ing the desired result; but to iron cow |
seems prspOsterous even for the enter
prising wsst.-N. Y. Herald. !