Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1883-03-15
MIR. Spoopendyke's Call by Telephone
Upon a Business Friend.


preparing to explain its mysteries and
advantages to his wife. Snow, my dear,
this Is going to prove the most conve-
nlent thing we ever had in the house.
When L want to talk to any one, | lust
turn this crank and say: Hello, hello!'
and the girl at the central says: Hello,
hello! and tell her who I want, and
she calls him up. Now, III ask for Mr..
Specklewottle." And MIR. Spoopendyke
turned the crank, utterly forgetting to
press the button that makes the con-
nection.
''What does he say?'' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, cooking her head to one
side, as woman always does when her
husband is trying to listen.
SHE don't say anything yet," growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''He amt like you.
He waits until he has got something inn
portant on his mind, and then he says
it. Hello, hello!" roared Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, giving the crank vicious twist
and glaring into the enunciator with a
vindictive look. Snow you keep that
mouth OF yours tied up, or you're liable
to lose it some dayi' with which dole
full representation, Mr.. Spoopendyke
ratified away at the crank, and awaited
some sign of life at the other end.
'I suppose it is really that girls
fault" murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke,
shifting at the instrument as though she
smelled the young lady from affair, and
found her no better than she ought to
be. ''I don't suppose she's there at ALL
More likely she's gadding around some
where"
"What dye want to talk Just then
for?" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"What's your measly object in break
ing out with the conversational small
poN at that critical juncture? Don't YOU
know she was just beginning to talk,
and you made me lose her? I tell you
one thing" added Mr.. Spoopend yke
with impressive solemnity.ssif you don't
shut your mouth once in a while the
moths will get in there and make you
trouble"
elf she'd only just commenced to
talk, you haven't lost her," replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke, wrinkling her nose.
"1ou'll have no trouble with her if she's
got started
"Helio! hello, call up Mr.. Speckle-
wotte!" bawled Mr.. Spoopendyke, APP
parently convinced by his wife's man
ner Or his own experience. 'There,
she's gone. No use for me to try any
thing when you're around. Another
time want to talk through a telephone
I'll take it over in a vacant lot! Do
you know of anything that will keep you
quiet for q momentP'' demanded Mr.
Spoopendyke. his wrath rising as he
contemplated his i'll usage. "Never
mind the expense. Just name the ar
ticle! Why didn't you tell me, when
you referred me to your measly old dad,
that L was proposing marriage to a dod-
gasted steam dictionary?"
''Say, dear, can / talk through it,"
cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to
disarm her husband.
ais there anything you can't talk
through?" squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
beginning to realize that there was
something about the telephone that he
did not thoroughly understand. "When
/ get telephone for you,t diaphragm
will be of doubled and twisted wrought
steel with railroad tracks for wires, and
! don't believe that will last more'n an
hour and half! Hello, hello-o-!'
wake up and call up Specklewottle,
dod-gast vel" and MIR. Spoopendyke
ratified away at the crank until his arm
ached.
"Be patient, dear. You said she'd
gone, and it's a long way around to Mr..
Specklewottle's house. Perhaps he isn't
home and she's waiting for him.
''That's the way it works, eh?''
shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke, glaring at
his wife. sit took you to get hold of
it? When 1 call that girl she goes home
to dinner, and along in the evening she
goes around to Specklewottle's house
and brings him here in a hack! That
your idea of it? Or p'raps you've got
some sort of notion that she runs the
wire through Specklewottle, turns on
the current and slams him right up
here through the side of the house?
That your idea? Well, she don't. and
she don't break her back trying to make
a dod- gasted idiot of herself, like some
women!'
81 think / understand how it works."
faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke. 'You say,
yellow, yellow"
"There's the combination!" Welded
Mr. Spoopendyke "You got your work
in that time! Why didn't you tell me I
was bringing this thing home to the in
ventor! What'd you want to let me
stand up here and explain this thing to
the only comprehensive brain that ever
tackled it for? You've got it! With
what you know now and what you've
got to find out, you only need wig and
law suit to be the whole science of
electricity. l tell We this is the way it
works." and Mr.. Spoopendyke brought
the box a kick that splintered it. "See
it work?" he demanded, pulling at the
wires until they cut his hands. ssWatch
it, while l convey your regards to the
other lunatics!'' and he danced on the
remnants of the instrument and smashed
the fragments against the wall.
"Never mind, DEAR" demonstrated
Mrs. Spoopendyke, puttering around
after him and trying to soothe him.
"When we want Mr.. Specklewottle again,
we'll just send a servant around after
him. That'll be much nicer than trust
ing to a nasty wire, and I know there
was draught through that box for l
could feel it as soon as came in this
room.n
"Oh, you could feel it," roared Mr..
Spoopendyke, rather wondering how
he was going to account to the COM