Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-01-04
Fun,


A considerate lassie: A little Augusta
three-year-old rebuked her mother for
alluding to black cat. She eaid it
was "colored" cat.
Two grand divisions: About this
time the public is divided into two
classes. One asks: "What shall [ eive?"
and the other, "What shall I gat?'
A long drop: For week the refrain
had been that Tightfst was sinking fast.
over. "Alas!" cried Fogg, ''still sink
ing"
Social equality: We do not see how
the blacks and the whites can be placed
exactly on the same footing, unless
about six inches are sawed off the feet
of the former.
AS to red hair: Red-headed student
to professor: professor, why is it that
you never seem to recognize me on the
street?" Professor: "Well, Mr.. x,
the truth is | am slightly color blind"
A shocking proposition answered:
'Pay that SO to-day ?" "Why, my
dear sir, do you expect man to take
Christmas money to pay debts? No,
sir no, sir | still have a warm
heart in my bosom, sir !"
Scotch Laird Ito poor por-
trait painter: aye mum ken ma
dochter's birthday is vera near, and [
promised her ma pictur'. .Weel, I've
Just fund ane To- sombody else) in a
brokers' window that'Il dae fine and I
wud like ye tae put wheen flemish
touches tilt: as cheap as ye can, ye
understan' p.
Turn about is fair play: "Junius
dey say yume gWine run fo' jestice OBJ
de peace, am dat 8 fac?" "I did hab
hankrin' dat away, sho' 'nough
what's yo' 'pinion bout de matter?"
''Wen, Junius, eff turnabout's Far play,
yume testified in yo' puppus, case
yume been runnin' away fom de jes-
tice OBJ de peace desc seb'al years."
Christmas all the year round: A gen
tleman stopping with some friends in
Ireland last Christmas questioned
the oldest servant about the 'family
fairy" of which he had heard nothing
during his visit. The senior retainer
said, ''Divil fairy, your honor, since
the old masther died. Ah thin was
days! 1t was Christmas oil the year
round, and sphreading butther on ba-
con, end whisky galore, begorrahl"
At the head or nowhere: "Yes,
boys" remarked the bullet-headed
gentleman, setting down his glass, 'Bill
has been found guilty of murder in the
fust degree. There's no half way bout
Bill, and he was powerful glad when
he heard the verdick. If they'd put
him down second degree, he'd never
been able to stand it. He'd took it to
heart and died o. grief afore year
But it's all right, and Bill III die like a
gentleman. Name your pizen, felIers."
Song and psalm: A Scotch driving
party a-few months since met with a
serious accident in Badenoch. The
WagOnette was upset and the horses
came to their knees. After little
while, however, things were pat to
reyoked again the more jovial of the
party called for q song, "Give us
song, Tor alt MacTavish." The man
addressed, well-known Highland dro-
Yer, with stern look in his face. re-
piled: "Confound yer songs Sing
psalms till ye'er oot o danger !"
Mrs. Maria Appley, who died in
Morristown, n. j., last week, had
reached the remarkable age of 104
years, months and days. She re-
tanned an extraordinary degree of vjgor
almost to the last, and although enjoy
ing comfortable home with wel-to- do