davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
PERSONAL AND ImPERsoNAL.

Miss Louisa M. Alcott, the author of
Little Women" is said to be the only
unmarried lady In the United States
not afraid to tell her age. She is half a
century old.
DIR. E. G. Cook, of Chicago, is nov
the senior physician In America in the
homeopathic practice. He formerly re.
sided in New York, but has been practic-
ing IN Chicago for over fifteen years
Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. Henry Clay Thurston, of White
Oak, Titus county, Tex, fifty-three years
old, is seven feet seven and one-half inches
IN telght, and claims to be the .tallest
man in the United States. He had nine
brothers, every one Of whom was over
six Ieet in height.
James Faulkner, of Dansville, New
ork, aged ninety-fOur, can as President
sign three hundred bank bills in two
hours and half without a sign of fa-
tigue. He is nearly old enough to have
signed the Declaration of Independence,
besides.-DetrOit Post
Penelope is not dead. Rosanna Cut
ter of Natick, R. l., aged 10S, is dim of
sight and weak of memory, passing the
time in drinking strong tea and mon0to-
nously knitting all day and unraveling
at night, pair of socks which she began
thirteen years Chicago Herald.
President Arthur was deeply moved
when Madame Patti sang ''Robin Adair, ."
in Washington the other day. The Pres
ident's late wife was an amateur vocalist
of rare sweetness and power ''Robin
Adair" was one of her faYorite songs, and
she sang it with a pathOs not to be sur
passed. 1t is not, therefore, to be Won
dered at that Patti made a deeper i'm
preston on the President than she was
aware on z. Post
Mrs. Lydia Valentine lived in Mon
mouth County, New Jersey, when she
was little girl. Once she saw Gen.
Washington ride through MiddletOwn on
his way to New York. She scattered
flowers in the roadway, but when Wash.
ington came up she kept looking at ''the
little colOred page who held the Generals
horse" for the page was dressed like a
doll Mrs. Valentine died recently in
Cincinnati, whittier she moved half
century ago.
Alexander H. Stephens last words
we're: doctor, you hurt meW Mr..
Stephens had love romance. His tr0th
was plighted to Miss Caroline Wilkinson,
of Atlanta, in 1910, and the marriage day
was set. For some reason they were sep
arated, one to immerse himself in poll
tics, and the other to find herself by the
side of an invalid mother. Neither of
them ever married. They met often and
correspondent frequently, and only two
weeks before his death Miss Wilkinson
visited the Governors mansion.-M Y.
| San.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19

If dose foolishness don't stop somepody
ellus gifts bretty soon hurt"
''DOes that hurt?' was the next ques-
ton, accompanied by a gentle thrust
among the ribs.
':No, dot don't hurt, but Ply gracious,
if"
"Oh, be quiet, Pm in a hurry, and
have got a dozen more to attend to. Now,
can YOU read this card chen hold it out
mo"
Can you read it now?'' bringing it a
few inches nearer.
'sNo, but you choost pring me out mine
spegdagles by my goat booklet, und 1 read
him"
ooh, that won't do; your eyesight is
defective, Pm sorry to say, and you're
rejected Put on your clothes again,
quick, please"
"Dots all right. So I vos reelected,
Ell? Veil, dot vos nezezzary, subbose;
but it's very vunny, choost the same.
IND now I've been reelected und Oxam+
ined, und all dose dings Yot you do nit
me, maybe you don't some objections got
to gif me dot rechistered letter."
"What registered letter."
"DOt rechistered letter Vot VOs sbOken
apout on dis biece of baper from Station
A"
''The dickens! who sent you to me with
that? l thought you had come to be ex-
amined. Didn't you apply for appoint
ment as a letter carrierw
GAS letter-garrier? No, don't want
to be a letter CARRIER. hat good pusi-
ness got by mine own self; but Ply gra-
cious, [ wants mine rechistered letter
from Germany vat mine bruder sents me
by Station A.
"Here," said the professional gentle
man, opening the door and calling mes
senger from the lobby; ''show this gen
tleman to the Registered Letter Depart
ment;" and the bewilered foreigner was
conducted to the proper window
It happened to be the day for the ex-
animation, by the PostOfice medical Off
Ger, of candidates for appointment as let
| ter-carriers.-N. Y. San.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
Women Of Hungary.

The women of Hungary are the most
magnificent specimens we have vet en-
cOuntered. They are tall, stately crea-
lures, with figures that the women of no
other country yet explored possess. They
have generally black, or dark brown,
hair, regular features with a complexion
that is delight to look upon. 1t is not
the startling red and white of the English
woman, but a delicate pink tint that
shades off into pearly white the blend
ing so delicate that it is impossible to de-
termine where the red ends and the white
begins. Their lips are invariably red, a
healthy, natural red, and their teeth al
ways regular and of dazzling whiteness,
their necks as graceful as a swans, their
busts magnificent. their waists small,
naturally not artifciaIly 50, hands and
feet very small, and always exquisitely
dressed. In two weeks in Southwestern
burg we did not see a hOmely girl, or one
that would not attract attention on Broad
way. Even the peasant girls in their
enormous bOOts-the peasant women all
wear boots the same as men-the figures
and faces were pretty.
In the villages the dress is Partisan,
with slight notifications, but the peasant
women still dress in the old national
style. Gaudy handkerchiefs make their
head covering, and they wear an enor-
nous number Of petticOats, which swell
out from below the waist like balloons.
Their dresses are very short, coming Just
below the knees, and large, clumsy,
leather boots in winter and bare feet and
legs In the summer, complete the toilet.
The Hungarian woman, however, like
all Oriental races, does not hold her
beauty. She begins to break at thirty.
and breaks terribly. There is no shading
off into old age and its accomplishments,
no twilight IN her life. There is not that
coming of admOnitOry wrinkles, one at a
time, not that gradual coming of serious
ness, the first faint reach of the shadow
of death, not the gray hair now and then
as lOng-befOre warnings that life is not
forever, not the gradual loss of color, not
| the increasing slOWness of movement
which in itself commands respect, not the
| gradual loss of one beauty which is sup
piled by another. The Hungarian
woman has none of this middle-life. The
beautiful old women of America, Eng
land and Germany are nowhere seen. She
is beautiful up to certain point in her
life, and then ugly all at once. A woman
in Hungary is as old at forty as an
American at sixty, and she knows it.
When her time comes she abdicates in
favor of her daughters and accepts her
place without a murmur. All of which
goes to show that there are compensations
in life. The women of America are not
so delightful, physically, in their youth.
They have thousand times better mid
die, and far more preferable old age.
No one human being can have every
thing.-D. r. Locke, IN Toledo Blade.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19

His sermons, some forty, occupy most Of
the little volume in which these 'Prim-
itie' were collected. He was especially
concerned about Sabbath dissertation.
81 confess" observes this sage of ten,
"when l look upon the present and past
state of our public morals, and when I
contrast our present luxury, dissipation
and depTavity with past frugality and
virtue, l feel not merely a sensation of
regret, but also of terror, for the result
of the change" F'The late Revolution
in France" he adds, "has afforded us a
remarkable lesson how necessary religion
is to a State, and that from a deficiency
on that head arise the chief evils which
can befall society,"" He then bids us
remember that the Nebuchadnezzar who
may destroy our Israel is near at hand"
though it might be difficult to show how
Nebuchadnezzar destroyed Israel As to
the uncertainty of life, he remarks that
Edward VI. died in his minority, and
disappointed his subjects, to whom he
had promised happy reign" Of this
infants thlrty-nlne sermons Gust as many
as the Articles), it may be said that they
are IN no way inferior to other examples
OF this class of literature. But sermons
are among the least ''scarce and "rare"
of human essays, and many parents
would rather have their boy patiently
acquiring the art of wicket-keeping at
school than mOralizing on the uncertain
ty of life at home. Some one ''having
presented to the young author copy of
verses or the trite and familiar subject
of the Ploughboy," he replied with an
ode on "the POtbOy."
''Bliss is not always join'd to wealth,
Nor dwells beneath the gilded roof,
For poverty is bliss with health,
OF that my pOtboy stands proof"
The volume ends with this determine
ton:
''StiIl shall seek ApolIo's sheltring ray,
To cheer my spirits and inspire my lay"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
4 Natural Mistake.

A few days ago a registered letter was
received at Postofice Station A, adj
dressed to an aged German living in the
neighborhoOd, and was given to the let
ter carrier for delivery, but was returned
to the station because its owner was not
at home, and there was no one on the
premises authorized to sign the required
receipt. After several other efforts to
deliver it, it was sent to the General
POstofice; and the German, on calling
at the station and making inquiry about
it, was informed of the facts, and
furnished with a slip of paper on which
was written a certificate that would en-
able him to obtain the letter on applica-
ton at the General POstoffice.
Armed with this document, he made
his way to the big Federal building and
was soon wandering through its mazes
seeking for the Registered Letter De-
partment." Observing on the gallery
line Of citizens standing outside the
closed door of an Office, each provided
with a slip of paper similar in appear
ance to the slip he held, he fell in at the
foot of the line, which was rather long
one. At intervals of ten or fifteen min
utes the Office door opened, a man
emerged and departed, a voice called
'Nextw The man at the head of the
line entered, and the door closed behind
him. In about an hour and half the
patient Germans turn arrived, and, en-
tering the room, he found himself alone
with a gentleman of professional aspect
who, giving hasty glance at the slip of
paper, said:
i'Thats all right-take off your coat. :"
E'Qake off mine goat? Vot you dink
1 come for? To got shafed? Want"
ooh, that's all right-take off your
coat; can't examine you unless you do"
'Den I vos got to be examined? So?
Dots all right, I s'bose," and off came
the coat.
"WelI, take off your waistcoat and
shirt; do you think ! can examine you
with your clothes on?'
Look here, mine vriend, you dink l
vas tief? You want to search me?
Veil, dots all right. peen an honest
man, by gracious, ind you don't Wind no
shtOlen property my clothes insite. vas
nefer zearch before already-
al don't want to search you; want to
examine you. Don't you understand
''No, 1 ton'd understand him at all
but dots all right-dere's my shirt OF,
und if [ cold catch dot vii your FAULT
peen."
The professional-looking gentleman
placed his hand affectionately on the Wis
itor's shoulder blade and applied his eaI
to his chest, listened intentiy; then
tapped him on the breast bone and
punched him in the small Of the back,
inquiring if it hurt
''Hurt? No. dot ton'd hurt; but MAYBE
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
A Deserter Set Free.

Last week a conductor named Graves,
employed by the Pennsylvania Street Car
Company, was arrested upon the charge
Of being deserter from the army. He
had been in the employment of the com
pany for q number of years. He has a
wife and two children. A little over a
year ago a worthless scoundrel found out
his secret, and has been using it to black
mail the poor conductor out of his scantv
earnings ever since. At last the demands
of the scoundreI became so great that
they could not be met. Then he de-
nOunced his victim to the War Depart
ment, and Graves was arrested. The
penalty for desertion in time of peace is
imprisonment at Fort Leayenworth for
two years. When Graves was brought
before the military authorities he pre-
sented a very sad appearance. While in
the army he learned of the severe illness
Of his mother and two sisters. He de-
serted when he could not obtain a fur
Tough, and came home to Georgetown.
His two sisters died before his arrival.
His mother still survived. Soon after
his returning home he married. Yester-
day Mrs. Graves, with a beautiful babe
in her arms, came weeping into the pres
ence of Secretary Lincoln and begged for
mercy toward her poor husband. eff you
send him to prison." she sobbed, ''my
babies and | will starye." Secretary
Lincoln is as tender-hearted as his great
father. He sent for General Drum and
said something must be done at once.
The Acknowledgement is also of a very
kindly nature, in spite of his rigid
discipline. He looked up the records and
found that Graves was enlisted when a
minor, and deserted before becoming OF
age. The father of Graves testified that
the boy had joined the Army without
his consent. Chen" said General
Drum, ''you are entitled to his discharge,
upon making application for the same,
upon the ground Of his having enlisted
without your consent before he became
of age" The Adjutant-General sent
word to the Secretary. There was no
need of relaxing discipline by pardoning
! Graves as he was entitled to a discharge
under the law. This morning an officer
walked into the prisoners room at the
military rendezvous where recruits are
held and said: Come, Graves, you
must get out of this" The latter sup
posed that he was to be transferred to a
military prison. He moved out with a
heavy step to the bright room into which
the morning sun was shining. AS he
stood there he saw the door open, and
then his wife and baby appeared. He
clasped them in his arms, and burst into
tears as his old father tottered up the
steps. 'Come, my man." said the officer,
''you have nothing to blubber about.
You are free. Here is your discharge
paper" Graves grabbed the paper in a
perfect frenzy of JOY. cam free?' he
! asked-''no more dread of arrest-uncOn-
c0nditionally free?' Eyes" replied the
officer. Come on, Molly" said Graves,
81 am happy man this day. There is
only one more thing need now-tO meet
that cursed blackmailer Won punch
his head when I find him Pr Washington
Cor Chicago Ne1Us.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
From the Sublime to the Ridiculous

He was a sublimely dignifed old gen
tleman, and of eminently respectable
appearance. AS soon as he entered the
store the youngest salesman, who was
watching for a customer, made dive for
him.
In less than three quarters of an hour
the youthful salesman had showed the
dignifed patriarch about mile of Brus-
sells, a thousand yards of Ingram and
four thousand feet of NIoquette, but still
he purchased not.
The store was in disorder, and so was
the perspiring young salesman. AT last
he despairingly calculated:
''Well, what in thunder do you want,
sir?'
''Ohr replied the eminently respect
able old gentleman-"well, you see, 1
simply called to see if you would pur-
chase a few packages of my Lightning
Moth Destroyer; warranted to kill more
moths in minute than you can count in
an hour-has been used by all the
crowned heads of Europe, and only
costs
The young salesman glaredi There
was a short scuffle, and ridiculously
undignifed old gentleman, looking any
thing but respectable, was shot out of
the door, with greater damage to his
garments in ten seconds than legion of
moths could infict in ten hours
CGsket Trade and ReUieIr.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
PrecOciOus Boys.

There is a curious fact in the boyish
character which seems, at first sight, to
make good the opinion that private edu-
cation, at home, is the true method. Be-
fore they go out into school life, many
little fellows of nine or so are extremely
original, imaginative, and almost poet
ical. They are fond of books, fond of
nature, and, if you can win their conf
dence, will tell you all sorts of pretty
thoughts and fancies which lie about
them in their infancy. I have known a
little boy who liked to lie on the grass
and to people the alleys and glades of
that miniature forest with fairies and
dwarfs, whom he seemed actually to see
in a kind of vision. But he went to
school, he instantly won the hundred
yards race for boys under twelve, and he
came back young barbarian, interested
in 'the theory of touch" Cat football),
curious in the art of bowling, and no more
capable than you or l of seeing fairies in
a green meadow. He was caught up in
the ali. of the boys world, and his inn
agination was in allegiance for q season.
This is a common enough thing, and
rather q melancholy spectacle to behold.
One is tempted to believe that school
causes the loss of good deal of genius,
and that the small boys who leave home
poets and come back Darbarians, have
been wasted. But, on the other hand, if
they had been kept at home and en-
couraged, the chances are that they
would have bloSsomed into infant phe-
nomena and nothing better. The awful
infancy of Mr.. John Stuart Mill is a
standing warning. Mr.. Mill would proba-
bly, have been a much happier and wiser
man if he had not been a precocious lin
guist, economist and philosopher, but had
passed through healthy stage of indif-
ference 70 learning and speculation at q
public school. Look again, at the
childhood of Bishop ThirlwaIl. Hi:
EPrimitise' were published by Samuel Tip
per, London, 1909, when young ConnoE
was but eleven years of age. His indis
Greet father Launched this slender bark,
as he says, and it sailed through three
editions between 1903 and 1809 Youns
Thirlwall was taught Latin at three
years of age, "and at four read GreeI
with an ease and fluency which aston
ished all who heard him" At seven h,
composed an essay "On the Uncertainty
of Human Life" but ''his taste for poet
ny was not discovered till later period.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
our Renorter.s -yacatlon Notes.

DURING his rambles this season, our Mr.. n. has
taken upon himself task of satisfying our nuer-
readers that whatever goods manufactured In
our goodly city OF Roger Williams, OF high q
grade and as fine in quality as can be produced in any
spot the globe Especially is this 50 when tie skilled
Pharmacist of many years experience resolves TO e
tract from the botanical specimens of yes-
table world the potent for special dis
In proof OF his assertion that Providence, R L
affords the best, he relates interview with &C
quantance given him while sojournng temporarily at
her residence. She says: About year I suffered
severely from rheumatism in my limbs, and Neuralgia
the head. which endured three with
much patience possible, being under the treat
of excellent doctor and trying many kinds OF
medicine without any marked effect. At last medical
friend advised me to try Hunts Remedy because he
attributed my severe suffering the bad condition OF
my kidneys, which not performing their proper
functions, and I commenced taking it, and in few
days the neuralgia had departed. my headache had
trely disappeared the swelling in my limbs and Joints
had gone and have not had touch of ii since. More
recently was troubled with impuriry of the blood
which showed itself in erupiOns my face.
again resorted to Hunts Remedy, and after taking It
short time completely cured OF that complaint.
Hunts Remedy has proved very beneficial to me in
tacks of sick headache which it always aeviates and
Hunts Remedy has strengthening elements for it
has mace me feel much stronger, and has been very
beneficial my general health. heartily rec
ommend it to all sufferers like myself. Mrs. L. G.
TANNER, No. 1S6 Pearl Street"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19

"A Baltimore man and wife commit
ted suicide, and between the dead bodies
their pet, a large spitz dog, took up his
position and could not be coaxed or
driven away. Several times the officers
approached him with the intention of
selling the dog by the collar, but each
time he was on the alert, barking furious
ly and jumping at them. The faithful
animal had to be lassoed, and even then
he made terrific exeFtiOns to prevent
being dragged away. He was pulled
from the bed only to jump back. When
pulled to the floor he would fly at the
officers, and they beat him with a cane.
He was finally dragged into an adjoining
room, where he scratched at the door and
howled piteously to get hack intO the
tOOm.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
What we Want


We want no man of massive brain,
No man of wealth mighty power,
No owner great of acres broad
To solve the question of the hour;
We want q supplemented man,
With common good hOrse-sense, no more
To pass bill to fine the man
Who always fails to close the door.
BE careful how you drink or you'll
wash the color from your cheeks!' said
gentleman at fashionable party, as he
handed a glass of water to a lady.
''There is no danger of your ever.taking
water enough to remove the color from
your face, was the good-natured retOrt.
-"You seem to feel down-hearted to-
day, Dennis, said his employer. whats
the matter with your" cts sore dis
tressed l am, sor. Felix Maguire's con-
nivin' daughter has run off wild me by
Mickie, an there's no wan lift to comfort
me in me ould age" Its very sad,
Dennis" eyes, sOr; it's an eclipse of
the son."-N. 7. Tribune.
-'Is the doctor in%' "Don't live
here" said the lawyer, who was in full
scribble over some old documents. 80,
l thought this was his Office" ''Next
door" "Pray, sir, can you tell me has
the doctor many patientsW "Not liv-
ing" The old gentleman told the story
in the vicinity, and the doctor threat
ened the lawyer with libel Chicago
HerQId.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
Great Praise.

ALBERT G. MANN, of Cottage Home H., says: al
have been Frustrated for three years with kid
ney disease at times not able put my boOss
my wife has often pulled them on for Twas not so
bad as that all the time, but knew what it was
to be without pain in my back until commenced using
Hunts Remedy. Since began to take Hunts Remedy
have been free from all pain and take pleasure in say
ing that is the best medicine that knew Kid
new and Liver diseases"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-04-19
ga LITTLE NONSENSE"

This is an age of universal deceit,
even the honest old farmer is often guilty
of watering his stock Chicago Eye.
We never knew person to eat ordi-
nary lumber, but wehave known them to
dine on shipboard.- Whitehall On y
Times.
The latest mathematical question runs
as follows: Two girls met three other
girls and all kissed. How many kisses
were exchanged?
"A contemporary publishes a poem
addressed ''To an assassin" That's right;
assassins deserve punishment; address
your poetry to them.-DetrOlt Free Press.
Germantown has a young lady SO
proficient in pianO-playing that upon i'm
itating a storm the other night over
hundred people caught cold from the
dampness that prevailed.-PhitddeIphEG
Press
-"Hey. Johnny is your daddy homer
"You're right he is" "WeIl, will you
tell him [ want to see himY' ooh, he
knows that good enough an that's why
he's run out an hid in the woodshed. -
YOnkerS Gazette.
"A young child in Oregon died from
the effects of swallowing the leaves of an
almanac. 1t is suspected the seven-cor-
nered name of a new liver remedy adver-
tised therein stuck in the child's wind
pipe 'OITiStOacR Herald.
Papa" asked little six-year old
daughter of an uptown physician, wasn't
Job a d0ctor?" 81 never heard that he
was; why%' because mamma said, the
other day, that she didn't think you had
any of the patience Of oh. IN I. Jour
nal.