New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-10-31
On the Half-shell.

IVY tulle oil ueE #Llu6 Says " M0s
Carl Dunder, if you vhas to be kilt by
butcher cart or ice wagon, or some
shteampoat pillow you oop on der river:
vhas left nit no money. Why doan'
you pc insured nit your life?'
''Vhcll, thinks about dot a good deal.
It vhas my duty dot my White und Katie
doan' go NIT der poor house if I can
help it, und I tink it vhas pest to get
! some insurance. spheak to my frendt,
Shon Places, about it, und Shon he
says:
s.'Of course you vhant insurance.
You shall come into my lodge of der
United Order of Half-shells. Dot vhas
an order which only costs YOU one dol
lar year, und if you die your family
puts on sthyle NIT der ten tousand dol
lar il greenpacks. l calls y meeting
right AWAY nit Your saloon, und we
put you through like some streaks of
creased lightning.
''Vhell, goes homo and tells der old
vhomans und she SAYS dot vhas O. K.
She doan' like to see me die, but if
some SMALLPOX OF yellow fever comes
t., Detroit und takes me AWAY she likes
to hat a long funeral procession und
build me q grave-stone which reads dot
Carl Dunder vhas q goot husband,
kind ladder, und dot lie has gone to
Heaven only leedle While pefore he
vhas ready. I shpeak to my daughter
Katie und she sheds some tears und
dells me dot she looks as cute as an
angel in some mourning gloze for me-
So it vhas all right und sweep out my
saloon und about twenty men come in
| dot eafnings to make me Half-shell.
| 'Oxcuse me if vhas mad und use
some words like Il pirate. My frendt,
Shon Places, vhas dere nit a red cap
on his head und q voice so solemn dot
I feels shills go up my pack. He calls
der meetings to order und says like to
shoin und pecome 4 Half-shell.
"sDoes he like peer?' asks some mans.
in der CORNER.
"'He does, said Shon Planes.
| "'Und SO do WEI yelis al der meet
! ing, und Sion says vhas 10 come DOWN
nit ter peer. Dot was nineteen glasses
"Dcn Shon Places he reads from =
pook nit plue cover, dot man vhas
dying cherry day so fast dot you c,n't
count 'em, or Something's like dot, und
he calls oudt:
| lltlG S4id1I SitVc NlS
''Und. eafery body yells lager peer'
Dot naeans l set him oop again, und
dot vhas nineteen glasses moret Den
two men take me und WALK me all
aroundt, und Shou Places he cries
out:
'''We vhas here to-day und gone to-
morrow! In der midnight, when eat
erybody vhas ashleep, Il ticf comes und
shteaIs our life away! What keeps dot
tief afar OFF,
.sUnd eaferybody groans out like be
vhas dying! Cool lager!' Dot means
vhas to set EN- oop again, ,md dot vha:
nineteen glasses more. Den Sho1
Places he leads me twice aroundt unC
says:
"'Carl Dunder, yon thinks You VIA!
made Half-shell already, bat you va!
mistaken. Put oudt your left hand
Dot vas goot. Now, my frendt, VIA
vas der foundation stone of liberty
equality und brotection9'
.'Und eaferypody lifts oop his voic'
und groans oudt: All der lager a maj
vhants! Dat means I vhas to tap
fresh keg; und I pelieve dot grow
drinks more rs forty glasses. 1 doan
like it so previous like. I didt, but m
frendt Shon Places tells me to lie dow
on der table on my pack, und shut m.
eyes. When Ivhas in position he hi
me tree dimes NIT his fist in de
stomach, und CRIES oudt:
"'Vhen he Vhas allie he vhas kin
nit der poor; when he vhas deadt W
forget his faults! Brudders, What VIA
der great principle dot leads to CHART
und pcnevolenee?'
"Und eafery body shumps to his feet
und yells oudt: Some more lager UNI
cigars!' Vhcll, set 'em oop one
more, und den Ivhas SO madt dot l tax
my Club und clean dot crowd oudt mi
der street. I pellet he vhas q fraud O.
me. pellet dot Sion Places tells al
der poys, und it vhas !. put up shob.
: lose my peer uud cigars. und somebod
carries Oft more ASH ten bottles of vhisk
from my par, und vhas no more
Half-shell rs you are. II dot vhas som
way to insure me SO dot my vhfc un,
: Katie hat some mourning goods I'M
puy me Il gravestonc nit u lamb on top
60 out of pollytics right AWAY. OK
cuse me dot I she'd some tears, I'M
kick oafer der shairs und tables, for
vhas mat1t like some cats on gloze