The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-04-13
THE BAD BOY AND HIS PA.
DRIVEN FROM HOME ON ACCOUNT OF
A LITTLE JOKE.
Tit Croceryman Licks n Stn mn for the Lit
tic Imp---How the Bad hey Wns Sent
AdrIff by His Pn.

tic Imp---How the Bad hey WINS Sent
Adriff by His PA.
"Say, will you do me a favor" asked
the bad boy of the grocery man, as he
sat down on the soap box and put his
wet boots on the stove.
"Well, YES" said the grocery a
hesitatingly, with feeling that he was
liable to be sold. eff you will help me
to catch the villain who hangs up those
disreputable signs in front of my store,
l will. What is it?"
81 want you to lick this stamp and
put it on this letter. 1t is to my girl,
and L want to fool her." and the boy
handed over the letter and stamp, and
while the grocery man was licking it
and putting it on, the boy filled his
pockets with dried peaches out of a
box.
"There, that's a small Job" said the
grocery man, as he pressed the stamp
on the letter with his thumb and
handed it back. but how are YOU
going to fool her?"
"That's just the business said the
boy, as he held the letter to his nose
INT smelled of the stamp. "That will
make her tired. You see, every time
h gets a letter from me she kisses
the stamp, because she thinks | licked
it. When she kisses this stamp and
gets the fumes of plug tobacco, and
stale beer, and limburg cheese, and
moldy potatoes, it will knock her
down, and then she will ask me what
allied the stamp, and l will tell her l
got you to lick it, and then it will
make her sick, and her parents VIII
stop trading here. Oh, it will paralyze
her. Do you know, you smell like a
glue factory. Gosh, L can smell you
all over the store. Don't you smell
anything that smells spoiled?
The grocery man thought he did
smell something that was rancid, and
he looked around the stove and finally
kicked the boys boot off the stove and
said: Its your boots burning. Ora
cious, open the door. 1t smells like a
hot box on a caboose. Whew And
there I'M a couple of my best lady
customers" The ladies' came in and
held their handkerchiefs to their noses,
and while they were trading the boy
said, as though continuing the CONVEX
satiOn:
Yes, pa says that last oleomargar-
inc l got here is nothing but axle
grease. Why don't you put your axle
grease in a different kind of a pack
age? The only way you can tell axle
grease from oleomargarine is in spread.
ing it on pancakes. Pa a Y axle
grease will spread, but your alleged
butter just rolls right up and acts like
lip salve or ointment, and is only fit tC
use on a sore"
At this point the ladies went out OF
the store in disgust, without buying
anything, and the grocery man took
dried Goldfish by the tail and went w
to the boy and took him by the neck
"Golblast you. l have a notion to xii
you. You have driven away NOR,
custom from this store than your necl
is worth. Now you git" and he strucl
the boy across the back with the cod
fish.
That's just the way with you all,
says the boy, as he put his sleeve vi
to his eyes and pretended to cry
"when a fellow is up in the world
there is nothing too good for him, bu
when he gets down you maui him will
a Goldfish. Since pa drove me out o
the house, and told me to go shirk fo
my living, l haven't had a kim
word from anybody. My chum'
dog won't even follow me, and whel
a fellow gets SO low down tina
a dog goes back On him there is moth
ing left for him to do but loaf aroun'
a grocery, or sit on a jury, and l AT
too young to sit on a jury, though
know more than some of the beats tina
lay around the court to get on
jury. l am going to drown mysel
and my death will be laid to you. The
will find evidences of goldfish on IN.
clothes, ana you will be arrested fo
driving me TO Il suicides grave. Good
bye, | forgive you," and the boy start
ed for the door.
Hold on here" says the grocer
man, feeling that he lal been to
harsh. "Come back here and hav
some maple sugar. What did your p
drive you away from home for?"
son, it was on account of S
Patrlck's day" said the bad boy as h
bit off half Il pound of maple suga
and dried his tears. "You see, p
never sees ma buy Il new silk handkel
chief, but he wants it. 'Tother da
ma got n of those orange-colore
handkerchiefs, AMI pa immediatel
had a sore throat and he wanted t
wear it, and ma let him put it on.
thought L would br, ak him of takin
everything nice that ma got, SC whe
he went downtown with the orang
handkerchief on his neck, l told som
of the st. Patrick boys in the Thir
ward, who had green ribbons on, tia
the old duffer that was putting o
style was an orangeman, and he sal
he could whip any st. Patrick's Ola
man in town. The fellers laid for p;
and when he came along one of theI
threw a barrel at pa, and al
other pulled the yellow handkel
chief off his neck, and they all yelle
hang him. and n grabbed n rOu