The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-05-05
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

---.' Kissimmee'' Is the name of
thriving town in Florida. Young ladies
living there do not dare TO name the
place of their residence in the hearing
Of strangers.
lit Is claimed by some collector Of
facts that the first almanac was pro-
duced In the year 1860. And 1t has
been handed down to the present year
with even It's raciest Jokes still intact. -
Pechs SIM.
"A dispatch from Orange says: u.
Jackson, while chopping in the woods
was struck by falling tree and had his
back broken In three places His re-
covery is doubtful" We should think
It might be somewhat improbable.
The Hartford Post says: "A man
worth 100000 blew out the gas in his
room at New Hampshire hotel the
other night, and was too dead the next
morning to enquire for his boots" II
would, we venture to assert, have affect
ed him the same way If he hadn't been
worth five dollars. - Boston Post.
"A lecturer, discoursing on the sub
iect Of Health" inquired "What
use can man make Of his time while
waiting for doctorP' Before he could
begin his answer to his own inquiry,
some one in the audience cried out;
s.Hc can make his will"
Her comparison: Here I've been
talking for half an hour, exclaimed
an auctioneer, .'and | haven't got an
Offer Half an hour, indeedr' muir
INJURED an elderly maiden. Whats
half an hour to many long years, and
still no hope of an offer. "--Boston
Transcript.
An old bachelor who wanted TO in
gratiate himself with rich widow,
presented her with lap-dog, saying:
II have trained him so perfectly that
he viii cat off your hand" "Eat on
my hand!i' exclaimed the widow. al
don't want my hand eaten of; and you
needn't think Of getting 1t in that
way"
--"Kitty, dear" cried the lover. as
he yearncd hungrily over the back gate,
s.you are the sum total of my hearts
calculation, and though hoped to gain
by your addition, you set me at naught
and leave me but to sigh for.
Just here the old man solved the a~ith-
metical harangue by footing him up the
alley Boston Post.
Those who write for sample copies
Of the Transcript please enclose Q post
age stamp, not for publication, but as
an evidence that they don't take us for
q baldheaded philanthropist, with a
pold-headed cane and an income Of
500, 900 year, who is printing paper
for amusement and paying the postage
for fun. Middlctoacn. DEL, Transcript.
IN New York boudoir .sOf
,ourse YOU was at the Vanderbilt ball. !"
20, yes, Of course Were weren't
them people horrid?n jus. too hor-
rid for anything. never, did see no
such goings on in our set afore, and
were orfnlly ashamed, wasn't yonp"
s.You bet was, but we mustIpe charita-
Bile. All folks amt had no such
edicatorial advantages like we had, you
KNOW That's SO. Ia, ia. - psila-
delphiu Ncsos.
Major Gale Faxon bought a horse
from the pastor Of an Austin church,
and shortly &fterward the follow ing
conversation was heard: 'sYou have
swindled me with that morse You sold
me last week. How SOP" asked the
clergyman, very much surprised.
s.Weil, | only had him for three days
when he died. That's strange. ]
owned him twenty-three years and
worked him hard every day, and never
knew him to do that while ! owned
Tim.