Daily globe., 1883-07-28
PLEASANTRIES.

ries? Because they make you pucker
up your lips.
WHY is the discovery of the North |
pole like an illicit whisky manufactosy?
Because it is a secret still.
DIR. HOLLAND wrote, "There's song !
III the air. investigation woU.d haye
shown him that the air was in the song.
A cYN1c says he agrees with Longfel-
low that life is not an empty dream"
1t is full dream, pretty much all night
mare.
"Too MUCH absorbed in his busi-
ness" was the comment of Western
newspaper on the death of brewer
who was drowned in tank of his own
beer.
"I WANT one of those long felt hats,
papa" said pretty girl to her father.
The indulgent father forked over the
money, and her head now fills the long
felt want.
SCIENTISTS say the best brain food is
corn meal so, if you wish to fatter a
scientist by some delicate allusion to his
mental capacity, all you have to do is
to call him a mush- -head-then run.
MASTER TOMMY (returning from the
funeral Why did Uncle Jonas cry so
for, aunt He cried more than any
body!" Aunt (grimly)-"Of course
Most of the property is left to him, my
dear"
"WHAr is mean time ?" asks CORE
spondent. Going to picnic alone and
seeing your first and second-best girls
with two fellows you hate, is about as
nearly our idea of mean time as pen
can express.
SAID the night watchman, when about
dusk he was invited to drink a cup OF
coffee: "No, thank you; coffee keeps
me awake all night" Then he saw his
blunder, looked very much embarrassed
and tried to explain it. But it was nn
use.
"WHAT time is it, my dear?" asked d
wife of her husband, whom she sus.
pected of being drunk, but who was de-
ing his best to look sober. "Well, my
darling, I can't tell, cause, you see,
there are two hands on my watch, ana
each points to different figure and
don't know which to believe"
THE boys had met in the barn, the day
Was big to them with fate,
For whether not to g hockey play
Was the subject Of debate.
Twas put to vote, the Chairnan's throat
Proclaimed, " The ayes have chose"
But skunk came in with extra vote
And gave it to the nose.
CAPT PERCIvAL, Cape Cod mariner
of the old school, was once awakened ii
his bunk by shipmate with the an
nouncement that the vessel was going to
eternity. "Well," replied the Captain
GIVE got ten friends over there to one
in this world; let her CO." And he
turned over and went to sleep again.
Mr.. MALONE Ito the apple-woman
who has "Sherif's Sale displayed OF
her stand" Shure, Mrs. Maginnis, it.
sorry am for this throuble that's come
upon ye." Mrs. Maginnis-" "Och, well
Mr.. Malone, don't mind telling yez
seein' ye are an ould frind, but It's onlz
little business craft to get rid av ms
ould stock. "-Horper's Bazar.
THEY were talking about the compar
ative readiness Of the sexes to oblige one
another, when Jones employed this il
lustration " A man walking along IL
the street finds cigar in his pocket
but no match. He meets another MAJ
with lighted cigar, stops him, asks fol
light, gets it and goes on. Now, d,
you suppose one woman would do tina
for another p
CONGRESSMAN S. S. Cox in lecture
at Washington on the humor of the ne
gro race, told the following story as al
illustration "While in Georgia so1aC
time ago I happened to be passing
along the street. 'Hullo, SAM said
particularly black colored man on IT,,
other side of the street 'Hulloi
promptly replied, whereupon the Afri
can aforesaid promptly retorted, Gus,
me, sab, Use dressing another cILlu,
man."
IN ATTEMPT TO REPAIR THE RUIl
OF AMEBTC4N FORESTS.
The very necessities of their situatio,
have aroused the people of some OF op
= Western States to action. Ii Kansas
= Nebraska and other States liberal pre-
5 miums have been offered for the encoU
; agement of tree-planting, and already i
! many portions Of the prairie region
perceptible change has taken place, an
' the eye no longer wanders over grea
Y spaces without sight Of shrub OF tree