Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-08-25
PEN CHROMOS.
Dangerous Newspaper Combihafion-A
Reporters Brain Somewhat Muddled-
Too Much Beer.

A new reporter on one of the East
ern dailies visited the park Sunday
evening to catch an item. He am
bushed near two osculatory lovers
making the most of an hour alone in
the shadows. The new reporter
watched them with business eager
ness and cremation envy. He made
short hand notes and longing ex-
clamations.
Then the off donkey in span
going by, driven by woman, com
menced baking and wrecking the
spring wagon. The new reporter
took on the accident and returned by
way of the beer garden to his desk,
mumbling the maxims, "Writing
makes a correct man. reporting
makes full man."
The beer, the notes on the two
lovers and the balky mule all got
mixed up in an awful combination.
Here are verbatim copies of his two
articles as they appeared in type:
THE TWO LOVERS; OR, CUPID WITH RAP
TURoUs CRAMPS.
He looked down into her dewy op-
tics with o hungry halo about his
hope for mustache. Like the yield
ing tide drawn by the witchery of
Luna's spell, the beautiful damsel
with raving curls mantling her ala
baster neck, crept nearer his breast
pocket. Their souls drifted on the
pillows of the boundless fathomless.
Ecstatifed mortality dallied with the
nectar of the gods. He encircled the
sylph-like corset with his palpitating
arm, while the gulf stream of trans
port submerged his scalp and sweetly
loosened his ingrowing toe nails.
The queenly head bowed like wilt
ing lily and rested contidingly on his
sheltering breast. Eyes melted in
eyes, breath mingled with breath
he pressed her like crushed flower to
his volcanic diaphragm--hi lips met
hers-then he threw himself right
back in the breeching. She looked
panied and surprised. She tried to
coax him to proceed, but the ebsti-
nate beast fouted his ears defantly.
She called him pet names, and he
lifted up his voice and shook the
horizon with derision. She implored
him to go on in the usual way, but
he bowed up his vertebre and settled
down under the homestead act. All
the affronted sensibilities of her
womanly virtue rose to this indignity.
She drew herself up bravely, raised
her snowy arm and smote him re-
sentfully. He felt the stinging blow,
and blind with rage. he kicked
kicked off her Langtry wave and
kept kicking Rings, buckles, pins,
bits of steel springs, and other
fragments of personal property at
tested the fury of his assault It is
impossible to tell what would have
happened but for the timely arrival
of some promenaders. He paused in
his rash act, abashed and all broke
up by their presence. He coughed
and crossed his legs and acted inno-
cent. He spurned the turf with his
impatient feet. He started up, as if
to run away, then skunk back in his
collar like he had the sweeney.
She seemed proud of the situation,
and never finched. Toying with a
truant curl, she met the quizzical gaze
of the promepaders like dallying
with the nectar of the gods was a
frequent and refreshing occurrence.
The prmenaders passed on. A little
snowflake of hand fioated into his
That touch reassured him. He
stretched the traces of love, and be-
gan pulling and tugging in the old
way, .as the cleaning deepened into
darkness and the stays of the sylph-
like corset f1uted the sleeves of his
linen duster.