Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
SQUIBo.

SUfpaSSeS any musical instrument
ever invented BY man." True, we had
rrther have q whole brass band IN the
house than one baby.
An absent-minded woman, in Ken
lucky, put corn-plaster on a letter and
stuck a postage stamp on her corn.
Neither the letter nor the corn went
away; she having neglected to write
in haste" on the left hand corner of
her stamped corn.
He bowed to her across the table,
smirked, washed his hands in invis-
ible soap and water and said, COX
cuse me, | dink hat med you at Sar-
atogat dis Summers-my name ish
Moses" Il can not recall your face, =
she airny answered, but your name is
quite familiar
The Popular Science Monthly asks
What are crowds" 1t is not quite
certain how science will handle this
question; but the average common
school educated man knows that I'M
der some circumstances three is con
sidered crowd.
4 baby can pat its rosy little toe in
It's mouth more easily than its father
can; but when it comes to putting his
foot III it, the man Of years and eX-
perience can discount the baby half a
hundred and then run out.
No, George, / can never return
your love; I never dreamed you loved
me so-you should have spoken of it
before. But cannotreturn yourlove."
No, m0aned the broken-hearted
lover, as he grasped his hat, nor the
oysters and ice-cream neither" and
George went out into the wet.
A little fellow, in turning over the
leaves of o scrap-book, came across
the WeIl-knoWn picture Of some chick
ems Just out Of their shell. He examin-
ed the picture carefully, and then,
with a grave, sagacious look, slowly
remarked: They came out cos they
was afraid Of being boiled"
People cannot be too careful how
they act. Just because q Philadelphia
man sent home three watermelons the
report was circulated all around his
neighborhOOd that he had foully at
tempted to get rid OF his wife and
family.
One Of the boys tells Of a scarecrow,
made by Uncle Ben. 1t not only
scared off every crow that saw it, but
one crow was SO frightened that he
brought back the corn he had stolen
two days before.
Women and girls doing the Eu-
ropean resorts are seen with the Moth
er Hubbard cane, which they hold
before them, leaning on it with both
hands These canes are often seen in
London parks during the season, car
rled by elderly and yOung women,
large bows Of ribbon being tied near
the top Of the cane the same color as
the dress.
The Portland Transcript tells a good
story, which illustrates the unreaSOn-
ablencss of q fretful disposition. In
the train from Boston was a mother
with a peevish, restless, irrepressible
boy, whom nothing would satisfy.
At last, worn out with his sxactions,
the mother said: ''What do you want?o
i want to 60 home" '|Well, you
are going home now" II want to be
at home We'll, be good bov.
and when we get home I'll give you
an apple" But you won't let me
eat the core"
a certain tribe in Africa worship
what they call the sacred hen. You
see, a long time ago certain Dorcas
society sent a lot of clothes and edi-
bles to the heather, and among the
latter was spring chicken. The saw
ages found it impossible to cut or chew
the spring chicken, which had eviden-
tly hailed from q clearinghouse, SO
the chief tied a cord on it and used it
for a sluhgshot. In the first battle in
which he used it, he killed neighbor-
lng king and won q signal victory.
lie then concluded that the spring
chicken must be some kind of a mas
cote, and all the tribe fell down be
fore it and worshiped. And they are
worshipmg it yet under the title of the
sacred hen