Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-06-29
FRINOLOUs FEUCIES.

The handol!ne girl Is apt to appear
stuck u.
i -;arc-Way The thoatcr corridor
after a lnat::rr.
The donkey nrver suffers from
-ofl"uinr Of the irayin'.
The telephone las great many
connections. bat TO blood relatious
Don't al; the grocer for pound
Of swtctcnrd sand. it ~rare- HIM.
Mr.. Watlcrson thinks that the
President has gom" t. Florida for a
change of PIE.
Tie little girl. WHO called the
ostrich Il bind with bonnet tail. put
il alrd. r!4cl:
The iir~t time You seq two women
kissing each other. just notice how
qaick th"y lei 20.
i kentucky hoy Of fourteen has
married i girl Of thirteen The
bridal tour VIII be taken i'll a baby
coach.
The coming rage IL hair Is oft
and tender led. like that Of tomato
which has growl old ana lost useful
Hess.
In selecting u wife, choose IA girl
with Il strong will and IL hot temper.
She VIII be more APT to walk with
the baby al night.
1t is hardly probable that there are
any telephones in heaven And yet
every angel will be recognized by
his hale.
The evil that nen ID live after
them. Even whrn All amateur corn
ctiSt dies. he leaves the fatal instru-
mcnt behind.
The microscope reveals tina, the
hair is like coarse round rasp. No
wonder. then. that women have to
take their hair off to sleep comfort
ably.
American born artists can paint and
draw equally as we'll as those of other
countries. but, after all. what can draw
like an American dog fight?
\ Londoner advertiscs q powder
which will prevent eats running
around and making il noise at night
1t is black and is put into Il gun and
makes noise itself.
Printed s;i,hes are said TO be fash
ionablc. but, on the cross roads, the
weather-bca!"n pine sash. with an old
rat supplying the place of glass. may
sill b" seen.
It's quite early YET e. make sum
mcr predictions, but it is said that
Mr. Beccher's hay ir>vr viii, this
year, be cut low in the neck aud wear
Il crepe houifant oyer-ki;t
The widow of the late Alexander
Hilton. recently presented the town Of
Hilton with achur"h and Il steam iir"
engine. She is, bound to have the
town protected against fire
Tie ice crop is very large this sea
son. but grave fears are entertained
of Il shortage of sawdust People
cannot expect cheap ZEE on an al
vancing sawdust market. AMI thnv
must not look for ii.
When a dishonest cashier runs off
with the bank funds. the directors are
surprised and panied" When an
honest cashier asks for an Increase
Of $50 a month. the directors are
Mortified
At the marriage Of an Alabama
widower. one of the servants WIS
asked if his master would take a bridal
tour. Dunno, sar; when old missis's
alive, he took a paddle to her; dunno
if he takes Il bride to de new one or
not
Mrs. Minturn Post objects to the
route Of the proposed Staten Island
railway, because of a bias cut on the
lawn that skirts her--in fact. her
home.
An Augusta shopkeeper, the other
dav. had an application for verio-
loid CONF, the lady explaining that
she had heard that variety was strong
er. The man said he never kept lilrm,
as the teeth were liable to break out.
Ii is said th;t America Is now ex-
porting large quantities of whisky to
England. We must get even with
England somehow, for sending her
cranks and prize fighters to this coun-
try; but isn't the whisky retaliation a
little too severe?
A Chicago lady once applied to a
learned Judge for a divorce. What
is the name of the husband?" in
quired the judge. Il have no hus-
band yet, but inasmuch as | contem-
plate matrimony, l feel that should
be prepared for the worst
The eagle feels best soaring hun
dreds of feet above the earth. but the
minute You get man on platform.
ten inches high. his knees weaken,
his face looks like the shell of boiled
crab, and he can't remember word
beyond fellow citizens
a New York correspondent says,
that for long time the Vanderbilts
were not in what is called fashion
able society i'll New York; bu thu
stringent gates have yielded to the
golden touch, and one sees their
names now at entertainments in the
most exclusive circles" The Van
derbilts have our congratulations; 1t
Is SO pleasant to be able to associate
with editors and well. we have for
gotten who else are included among
the New York fashionables.
HABITS OF CALIFORNIA CsTRICHEs.