Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-03-23
ORR KALEIDOSCOPE,

" |
G anu sue used to sit close by the window,
And smile on the men for relief
D Ihere was ayoung bach. who was seedy
But bearded and blonde and beau
, Apprehension with him was quite speedy
He bowed to the gentle widow.
Alas for remembrance's power,
Though nrned in bosom OF snow
'us' urop love-match In the powder,
ANA away your cremation will 70.
An open etter-O.
Family jars-pickle- jara.
Woman's sphere--,hc ball room.
Law suits-no il don't, everybody
pleasant gathering IA boil.
Uneasy limrs the foot that wcarsa corn.
Cast iron-ilat-rons used for missiles
A terrible shooting alrair-a Susouehanna
duck-gun.
A strict watch-onc that strikes and has
just stricken.
Pardon us just this once moro A severe
gale-Gail Hamilton.
The only kind of weeds that are easily OK.
tcrmnatcd-a widows.
A Chinaman ought to make good dc,ce.
tive. He always has queue.
A lmp-appareled old maid living IN Pots.
dam, N. L., dates all her letters "Pots-"
Germany is going to exclude American
sausases, Alas for the little Dutch dogs.
What is it that rcstaurant-diner usually
takes in addition to cigar aud glass Of
milk ? Oysters too
There is one man OF whom it may be tru.
ly said, "lle bears his houors thick upon
him, and that is drum-major in Summer
time
why should common belle be called n
lone female! Because anybody can borrow
her.
Little Fannie Dumpsey wants to know if
the molher-of-pearl isn't the grandmother of
the oyster
a kickapoo chiefs name translated IS
'Bls-majority- at-the-polls." He probably
got it from the size of his scalp. pile.
Indian Territory has got funny paper,
and the presiding humorisl is a full blood
Indian. Verify, the sound of the ginning is
Lo.
Mary Cecil Hay has written novel chilled
BID Me Discourse. A go Il many book
agents are using it inG.cad OF II card Of intro.
duction.
a Michigan woman sevcntY-livc years old
has lust married a man named Hack. Seems
as though she is pretty well uloog in life's
journey to take Il hack now.
The man who stubbed his toe on the
threshold and plunged wildly across the
room, brought up with the trite remark that
he had been on an extended trip.
Young Peppcrspih is just married. He
says its an awful cold day for him when his
wife makes Il frosted cake.
Virgins has chartered the Grca, Eastern
lie is going ont TO drcdst for his storm. If
he doesn't find it he will proceed To co,lec,
material for II DO h to BE- called .Wh,t |
know about Salt River"
Augustus PopInjay came home tca,hly
sick, the other day, and five doctors were
called In. They diagnosed him for mlimps.
brain fever, inflammation OF the kidneys. sore
throat and strangulated hernia. After Angus
tus had taken SIX pills and four tablespoon
luis Of medicine, he confessed that he had
been smoking black crroot.
Joe Howard, in one OF his New York
Street life letters remarks. casually, that he
sat in boot blacks chair for half an hour.
watching the passing pedestrians, and then.
seeing pair Of individuals that he wanted to
follow, left hastily, with one boot polished
and the other simply backed" The ouly way
for Joe to crawl out OF n bad fix now, is to |
swear that it took the boot black fifteen min !
u'es togo around the block and bay rev
box of backing.
1t does seem shameful that slang should
enter into all the relations of life, even the |
most solemn. 4 man was sitting in n den |
lists chair. the other day. The dentist got
an imperfect grip on IN old ten-acher stump, |
gave terrible pull and fell over back wards,
with the empty foiceps, into slop.pail. |
The poor wretch in the chair only remarked,
That's tooth in The smell of laughing
gas was Immediately ncutlalzed.
"Ma-say, ma ! can't we have some lem
onadc:" whned Johnny Dumpsey. mo"
snapped his mother, 1--we told you a dozen
times there wasn't lemon in the house"
Say, ma what was that man putin in
the cellar this morning; Wasn't it lemons :"
"No, it was blocks, blocks to kindlc the
fire with Say. ma. can't We have some
blockade 7"
A Pnl!ct once took an Egg that was Roll.
me around and Inadvertently sat upon it. In
A short While the Egg c,mc ont and Walked
about with the Pulct. The Mother of the
Pulc, said to Her, "My Daughter, what have
You Done? That was n Bad Egg, aud all
he Hens are Mad. How did you Come to
bring it Forh?" "uo,her," sail the Pullet
i can not tell n Lie. did it with nv little
Hatch it," The next Day the Puel said to
he Hens, THAT is not my Chicken. That
s Bad Egg. Moral Hatch your own
Eggs.
John Kelly passes much time in his libra
~, and is said to aspire to literary fame.
John should let his hair grow long and steep
his iinger-nais in II leaky stylographic pen.
Let him then walk into newspaper office
with a roll of wal. paner under Lie orr, aud