The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-21
vii AMI NJ nJ IS.
Spieer says the man for a church sex
on IS the man who has no music IN his

Pride to the poor man is ike stick
to a lemonade - Hiram Green. That
sour opinion. Squeeze, old man!
One who knows says that in the
country they blow a horn before dinner,
but in town they take one.
A man is known by the company nc
keeps, but a woman is known by the
company her neighbor entertains
The diamond is the stone for an en-
gagement, but give us the old cobble-
stone in free fight.
The ear is cultivating morose dis
position and disagreeable manner in
accordance with q belief that 1.-the cross
shall wear the crown.
Mica has been discovered on an east
ern Pennsylvania farm This is not
Micah the prophet, though there is a
profit in mica.
We often hear the expression that
1.-The fire has gone out. And it is said
that in some of our large places You can
actually see the lire escape.
Henry Ward Beecher saws a baby is a
nuisance. Without telling Henry he is
wrong, we will say that in this, as in
other respects, the child is but the
father to the man LotceH Citizen.
Papa, said lad the other u. hit,
after attentively studying for some min
utes an engraving of a human skeleton,
chow did this man manage to keep i'll
his dinner?'
''What is woman's sphere?" To be
woman's sphere is being always round
when you want her, and sometimes
when you don't want her
| II -
| claimed a book reviewer, as he perused
his uncle's viii and found that the SEN
sible lamented had left him a snug be-
| quest.
| 1t has been remarked that every min
er knows his lode, but the history of the
rise and fall of the toy pistol has proven
that every minor doesn't know his
| load.
Brokers cannot even shave note
| without doing "a large amount of talk
| ing. and there is some excuse for the
| poor barber who breaks out in conVer-
| sation.
The newspapers often print the last
| words of men, but never those of
| women. The latter would take up too
much room, and crowd ont the adver-
tisements.
freckles may be all right but the diff
ficulty with youth who has the COM
plexion of an African leopard is that he
can't get any girl to kiss him.
Nov is the time to subscribe" said
the cross-road editor as he led his
wealthy bride to the marriage register
and showed a pen into her trembling
hand. -Ne1o York NeWS.
A New York paper says: death has
been busy in high places this year.
This is an elegant way OF referring to
the many executions which have recent
~ taken place.
Two friends meet Sunday morning as
one comes out of a drug store: Hello,
Charlie, out for Your morning dram?'
well, no, not exactly; but | have no
scruples about telling you that | am
out for my morning ounce"
"Without joking. viii YOU tell us what
dude is?P asked lady correspon-
dent Certainly A .'dude'' IS no thing.
1t is merely an apology for Il human
being, and is too weak to he bad and
too tame TO be wild
''Yes," said she, with tears in her
eyes, lin his qualities of head and
heart dear George is always the same, .
Then. after a moments lapse into
drcamland, She added: 'Ile Is so soft
hearted. dear fellow.
Now. Johnny" said an Austin
school teacher what happened after
the angel with the fiery sword drove
Adam and Eve out of the garden of
Eden?' The had to eat bread to
make them sweat
What county do YOU represent s:r?"
asked one individual of another i'm front
of n saloon in ST. Paul, Mimi I'm
not 81 member of the Legislature, was
the reply. I'm only - private citizen
on a drunk.
Mrs. w. l.. Vanderbilt. at her masked
ball, represented Venetian princess in
n dress that cost $4,000. and was dec
Grated with scenes OF Venice, gondolas,
etc. That is, it represented 10000 gone
dollars; rather neat idea, too.
"Hello. what brought You out here?'
said one Boston man to a fresh arrival
from the east in Kansas City the other
day. well, / heard that amateur
theatricals were almost unknown here,
and I've come to stay
Two French peasants were deputized |
to make arrangements with n sculptor |
for life-siZe figure of St. Peter 'DoI
you want him as liVing or dead?" asked |
the artist. just make him living. and
IL he don suit us we can knock him on |
the head. F"
Colorado points with great dead of
pride to the fact that one of her inhabi- |
tants was killed while gathering fuel in
his own back yard. Asa general thing,
Colorado men engaged in that kind Of |
enterprise die ia the yards of their
neighbors.
All persons are prohibited from box
ing the compass within the jurisdiction
of the state of New York. under penalty
of having themselves boxed and for
warded with care-to the island where
the wicked cease from sparring and the
knocked out take a rest. ~ 1he ,IudQe
A lecturer, disconrsing on the subject
of Health" inquired: what use
can a man make of his time while wait
ing for doctorP" Before he could be-
gin his answer to his own inquiry, some
one in the audience cried out: ''Ho can
make his will. >
why do you go to these low down
resorts?" asked one man of another
Il go to study character" was the re-
ply. well, all / have to say is, that
it would be a greater study to discover
any character in the frequenter of such
places than to study it after you had
found it. The Drummer.
The hair of girl employed in an
oou aatfr,n mill wing hc