National Republican., 1883-06-01
THE MAN ON THE AVENUE.
Small Talk ABOUT Men and Measure,

Topsy will obey orders only when given in
the choicest of polysyllabic English. She will
lie down only when directed to assume re-
cumbont position" When commanded to
"agitate the narrative" or gently disturb
the tranquility of your caudal appendage,"
she will wag her tail, but under no
other condition. An order TO "assume q
sitting POSTURE" will bring her up
on her hind feet. The injunction
solicit pabulum," will call forth bark,
which in common dogs would be response to
the command speak" Sho will stretch out
limp and motionless when instructed to "be-
como inanimate," and when asked to "go
through the process of resurrection she will
slowly come to life and gradually get on all
fours again. She will do all the tricks other
dogs do, and many others but her favorite
amusement is TO play with silver money.
Taber can throw a silver dollar over into
field, or conceal 1t somewhere, in Topsy's
view, and send her back after it in
ten minutes, an hour, or half day, and she
will never fail to connect. "Well, l de-
clare" exclaimed Taber the other day, with
feigned surprise as he bit off the end Of
cigar lighted itpand then felt in his pocket
for the wherewithal, ~ forgot to bring any
change. Topsy, please negotiate loan of u
quarter for me, will your" Topey trotted
out the door of the cigar store, and as she
was about to disappear the owner called to
her and added: "You might as woll make
it four shillings Just get me half"
In about a quarter Of an hour she
came back with half dollar which
Taber had deposited behind a tree box
seven or eight blocks distant. Nothing can
pursuade the astonished tobacconist that
Topsy is not gifted with moro than human
intelligence, and he never tires of telling
about the remarkable dog that went on the
street and borrowed half dollar for her
master. If anybody can beat this for really
and truly George Washington dog story, a
place will be given for it in this paper.
a%s
"Luray," said limp gentleman with leaden
eyelids, who explained that he had Just
returned from the cave, dis certainly Won
derful hole in the ground, but it is too far
away from the district ever to become popular
in Washington as the objective point paid for
one days excursion. 1t took the little, wheezy,
looseIjointed engine provided for excursion
trains six hours to pull the long string of cars
that left this city laden down with
passengers from the depot on Sixth street to
Luray station, and seven hours to pull it
back, leaving four hours for the excursionists
to stage it to the cave or walk the distance
inspect its wonders, and get back home. If
the caverns could be dug up and replanted
just across the Potomac, or If some scheme
can be devised to annihilate distance Luray
| might become attractive to sight
seers, but twenty miles an hour
trains will never enrich the road,
the proprietors of the caves or tho hotel
The scenery along the road is superb, and
every mile of the distance is q treasury of in
tcresting "reminiscences, but that fact does
| not compensate for the discomfort, of thir-
teen hours railway ride on hot, dusty day,
when a crowd is out 'pleasuring.' OF the
$50 people from Washington who visited the
cayerns Wednesday, it Is safe to say that not
twenty will ever undertake the trip again
unless they can devote two days to it. The
strain on human endurance was too great to
invite repetition of the torture"
a~s
"The scramble for places in the consular
service that is going on is incomprehensible,"
said the statesman. "Not one in forty is
self supporting, and ! doubt if the income
derived is sufficient to support the consuls
decently in one case out of sixty; yet in the
face of all that, there is the greatest
possible pressure to obtain the appoint
ments to the most Insignificant con-
sulates on the list. l know Of one
case where there were not less than twenty
applicants for one consulate, the fees of
which do not amount to $40 per annum.
Many of the candidates knew to be poor
men, and how they expected to maintain
themselves is more than / can understand.
They certainly had no other resources than
what they could mako out Of the Offices. A
true story is told of an American consul at
an interior Italian city who was
reduced to such extremity that he
was obliged TO enter the employ of the
British consul in the capacity of coachman.
Instances are numerous where consuls are
forced to call on friends to relieve them from
distress and enable them to get back to
their own, their native land without swim
ming. There are few places in the con-
sular service worth having-that is worth
having If man wants to exile
himself from his own country for from
three to ten years, and be forgotten as COM
pletely as though buried, for $1,000 or $4,000
year-but they are very few. 1t is nice for
Il man to represent his government abroad
If he is rich and able to keep up with the dip
lomatic procession, but poor man is better
of at home"
~"s
The appropriation for the printing of con-
sular reports is exhausted, and there will be
no moro of that class of literature issued
from tho State department until July. The
last number published is full of valuable in
formation. Its trade reports are among the
best and most practical yet produced.
s%s
A modest little volume of poems, entitled
Songs of Toll and Triumph" by J. L. Nc
oreery, modest and retiring stenographer in
the law division of the Interior depart
ment, has attracted no little notice. A musty
law library would be the last place in the
world one would look if he were hunting for
a poet, but McCreery seems to have more
than the usual allowance Of the divine
eflatus. The first poem in the work, "There
is no DEATH" has been tho subject of
considerable controversy, the author says.
1t was written in the fall Of 1862, and pub
lished in the July number Of Arthur's Home
MaJasine of Philadelphia. A man by the
name of Il. Bulmer O resident of Illinois