The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-16
WIT AND HumoR


Hereafter no patent medicine can be so d
in Italy unless its precise composition Is
stated. Il will be difficult for the makers
20 10 this If they use city water Lowell
Citizen.
New York pays 100000 a wear for its
religion and s22W0,O0O for It's drinks. which
goes TO show that New York is having more
tun IN this world than il wall in the next.
-(Rochester Post-Express.
O liver Wendell Holmes saws that bad
air, bad whisky and irregular habits keep
the doctors alive. lie must be mistaken
Those very things have killed several doc
tors IN this ci,y.-INew Orleans Pcayune.
An EuElishman shooting small game in
Germany said 10 his host that there Was a
spice OF danger in shooting in America.
An " SAID the host, you ike danger init
your sport. Then you 90 out shooting nit
me. The last time | shoot mine brudder-
mlaw IN the sch,omack. ~ Exchange.
The m iden's point Of view: Mamma TO
Maud, who has been with her brother to
the play, and is fun of itl-"But was there
no love IN the piece, them" Maud 'Lovel
on, dear, no, mammal How could there
oef The principal characters were husband
aud wife, you know i London Punch.
1t Is said that litigation is so rare in
Searcy county, Arkansas, that lawyer
could not make living at his practice If he
were TO receive all the fees on both sides of
every case. When man has any trouble
wlth u neighbor in that county they 90 out
and settle 1t with shot-guns.-( Boston
Post.
Inc hrst thing "a city man does when he
becomes rich rs to buy farm, move into
the country and bankrupt himself trl ing
To raise enough To keep hun from starving.
\ rich Cnuntryman, on the other hand,
buys brown.stone front in the city and
BECOMES interested in stocks. With q like re-
sult.AlPhiladelphia News.
Rough Charlie We're de We're Ossnten.
s.yl-"GeuiuseS, my dear Miss MARI
borough, are men who Just miss being
fools, and fools are men who lust miss
being geniusesn Miss Marlborough awe.
struck" What original things you say,
Mr., We're de We're. | sometimes think you
are almost genius Harvard Lampoon.
In the Familiar Letters'of John Adams
under date of September ], IN, he writes
! that General Washington sets fine exam
pie, as "he always eutorlulns his friends
| with rum and water We never doubted
| that there was so,ue good reason Tor the ira.
/ diu0n that George Washington was first
/ IN the hearts ofhls countrymen VI Brook
| Ign Eagle.
a Washington man who was accosted
late at night by u fellow who demanded
money pointed his nght-key at HIM and
the fellow ran away. Some people think
| the tibet was goose enough To mistake the
| thing 70 revolver, but the probability is
that he knew that n man who habitually
carries nlght-key seldom has anything
| lett ~ ms pocke.s worth Stealing Phila-
! delph,aNews.
About the time Daniel Drew began his
| Wall street career, he was up the country
one time 10 visit some friends. and two
/ farmers called upon him to decide case.
| one sold the other five bushels of wheat,
and proposed to measure 1t in half-bushel
and sweep the top of the measure with a
| stick. The other objected, and Uncle Dan
iel was asked IN decide.
well, legally speaking, bushel is only
II bushel,' he answered.
And can the measure be swept oH7"
81 think it can
what with ~
well, if | was selling wheat | should
probably use hal the end of IL flour barrel -
Which edge ofit2"
Gentlemen, that is a point | cannot now
decide on, sighed the old man "IfI was
selling to widow or preacher am Ger.
tam That should sweep the measure with
the straight edge, but If | was selling to Il
man who pastures / ia cows in the road and
his pigs in his neighbors corn, I'm afraid |
| should use the circular side, and SCOOP IL a
IlttIe to boot - Burlington Hawke