The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-11-09
WIT AND HUMoR.

Goliath died from the effects of a bang
on the forehead.
a contemporary mentions a case be-
yond the ordinary occulist; it is of a
young lady who. instead of u pupil, has
professor in her eye.
man might make q colossal fortune
in II very short time by inventing Il
kind of food that will keep canary
from singing.
on the gloves in the ring is probably
that it would take her too long. She
would always demand size smaller
than she could wear.
What is conscicnceP" asked school.
master of his class. IAN inward mon
itor," replied little fellow. "Aud
what's monitor?" Zone of the iron
clads."
Teacher: '.Define the word excavate. )"
Scholar: ut means to hollow out"
Teacher: Construct sentence in
which the word is properly used. d"
Scholar: THE baby excavates when it
gets hurt
A young man at Tuskegee, Ala,
went to see his lady love the other night,
and stayed so late that the girls mother
brought in dozen eggs and asked him to
hatch them for her. He left, and
declares that he will never call again.
The season is approaching when the
married man rolls himself up in three
or four thicknesses of bedclOthes, and
then complains the next morning be-
cause his wife wants him to buy her q
Accent cough lotion.
Roach, the millionaire ship-builder,
declares he was once a tramp. Orders
have been issued in this Office. to the
effect that every tramp roach who pre-
sents himself is to have the freedom of
the paste-pot. Rttsburg Telegraph.
An enterprising exchange rushes into
print with the startling information
that "Caligula. the Roman Emperor.
was born on Augusta in the year T."
Unfortunate man! The probabilities are
that he is dead now.
did you notice the :esthetical appear
ance of Miss Giddigush. Amy?' asked
the high school girl. IL noticed she
had pimple on her nose" replied Amy.
'.but didn't know the dictionary word
for it.
..How MANY races are there?" was
asked by a schoOlma'am Up sprang a
shock-headed youngster, with yard
wide smile on his face, and exclaimed:
Three-the spring meeting, midsummer
speeding and fall fairs"
Pull down your umbrellas. You'll
scare this engine off the line, screamed
the engineer on the Western North Car
DINA Road toa crowd of country people,
who had gathered to sec the first train
come in. They were all lowered al
once.
The adventure of an owl: A Texas
owl mistook sleeping mans head for
chicken, and fastened his claws into
his hair and scalp. "Well, what's the
matter now, old womanP" said the as
sailed, as he awOke.-Jersey city
Journal.
Henderson in society: your sister
has sweet mouth. Mr.. Brown" re-
marked Mrs. Smith. ''Yes." added
Henderson, anxious to saw something
appropriate. ''and such a large mouth,
too" Every mouth was shut immedi-
ately and Henderson wished he hadn't
opened his.
In addressing Sunday-school a
while ago, 4 speaker said to the boys:
always be kind to your little sister.
Now, / never had little sister, and
once tried to be kind to some other fell
lows sister; but she had cruel father,
and he hurt me helping me off the front
steps
A few days ago lightning struck a.
woman in Pennsylvania and stripped of
her clothes in a twinkling. What the
times demands, according to the Bene-
dict of the NOrristOwn Herald, is species
of lightning that will put the clothes on
a woman in a twinkling when her hus-
band or lover is waiting for her to
dress for church or the opera.
Thoro is uoJhing so generous as a wO-
mans generosity, and none that gets
less public reward. 1t is not every
schOol-teacher who can get her name
in the papers for having ''kindly treated
her pupils to nice ride in the country"
after having made the little ones chip
in 10 cents apiece for the hire of the
moving wagon.
The latest thing in China! He Ito his
fiancee)-''I say. Julia. old girl, have
you ever noticed tEis?" She (who
hates to have people talk to her when
she is reading )-"No." He-What!
not seen this sweet thing in China?"
She with enthusiasm) oh. in China!
What is it?" He Sugar" She
breaks the engagement.
Young George Vanderbilt, fourth son
of the millionaire. wants to be news-
paper reporter. There it crops out
again; the natural and inheritary greed
for gold; the Unsuitable thirst for wealth.
the passion for amassing millions by
the easiest and quickest methods, and
reaching a fabulous competence by the
shortest ways. It's a family trait
HaWkeye.
A vigorous old fellow in Maine, who
had lately buried his fourth wife was
accosted by an acquaintance, who. I'M
aware of his bereavement, asked, '.How
is your wife, Captain Plowjogger?"
To which the captain replied, with a
grave face: "Waal, to tell you, the
trewth, I'm kinder out o. wives just
neow."
The new attendant of the watering
place bookstore stood behind the coun-
ter with his head little on one side and
a white handkerchief around his neck.
when dainty Summer sojourner trip
ped in. and, fixing her blue orbs upon
him. asked: Have you got Newport
To which. with q thank
full smile, he replied: "No. marin;
don't think it's nothin' but common
bile"
Mamma: "Both Smythe and Robson
were Eost attentive to Celia last night.
papa! Robson's as good as gold. with
the temper of an angel-like herself!
and Smythe's heartless, selfish, dissi-
pated young fiend! do hope it will be
Ronson!" Papa: "Well, Idon't know.
If Robson's really all You say, she'll
precious soon get tired Of him. Where
US, from your description of Smythe,
fancy she would be able to love him
all herlife long. ANY woman
wOuldr'
A family named its sons One Stickney,
Two Stckney, Three Siickney; and the
daughters were named First Stickney,
Second Stickney, Third Stickney. The
three elder children of another family
were named Joseph. And. Another; and
it was proposed to call the rest, if any
appeared, Also. Moreover. Nevertheless,
and Notwithstanding. Another house,