Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-03-15
WIT AND HUMOR.


A new story is called "By Passion
Rocked. :" Some one has been getting
mad and throwing small stones.
One OF the leaders OF the Delaware
Senate is DR.. Mustard. He draws well
and is reckoned very smart man.
The coming rage in hair is a soft and
tender red like that of a tomato which
has grown old and past usefulness.
Life has no charms for the poor clerk
whose salary is mortgaged three months
ahead to pay for his wife's fur-lined cir
cular.
One Of the sweetest pictures OF domes-
tic economy is poet backing a white
stocking so that it won't show through
the fissure of his boot.
Enquirer WHAT'S the precise mean
ing Of the word intermittent Did you
never try to tlirt with woman in a
rocking chair at q window? Thats it.
Overheard in the cloak room: did
she marry well?" Yes indeed. He's
worth over a million and drinks so hard
that he never can 20 into society, so
she's not bothered with him"
A literary Vermonter who recently
tried the power of the human eye on
ferocious bull is recovering from his
wounds and bruises but has lost all faith
in such mesmerism.
He did not object to his daughter
Joining a musical society, but gently in
sisted that authorizations were coarse
Philip Harmonic sounds much more
gently, my dear.
A Philadelphia man who wants to die
but doesn't want to disgrace his friends
by committing suicide, has engaged
ffth-story room in hotel, and is await
ing his fate.
Sloughterby says his wife hasn't done
very much shopping this Winter, al
though she did 90 down town the other
day to buya muff "justto keep her hand
in
A Syracuse young lady has a peculiar
mode of reckoning time on Sunday. Last
Sunday evening, about o'clock, when
asked what time it was, she replied:
Give minutes of Smith.
The Lord loveth cheerful giyer,
but there's no use chucking a copper
cent into the contribution box so loud as
to make the folks in the back seat think
the communion service has tumbled Oft
the altar.
A girl Just returned to Hannibal, Mo,
from Boston high school, said upon
seeing fire engine atwork: "Who would
evan have dweamed such vewy dimin-
utive LOOKING apawatus would hold so
much wattahr'
Wife Can't you take to the Blank
restaurant some evening, my dear?
Husband No, darling, it is disreputa-
BILE. Wifc-Then, dear, why do you
bring home its marked napkins in your
pockets?
They have a nice old lady in South
Boston of the genuine Partingtonian va
riety She recently alluded to the i'll
ness of friend with, you see he had
digestion of the lungs, and then it set
tied. "
Some genius has invented a machine
to play pianos. This will fill a long-felt
want. When two young people of OPP
posite sex are in the parlor in the even
ing, the old lady don't begin to saunter
in until the piano stops.
A New York doctor says that small
feet signify quick temper and an evil
tongue. Now everybody will be staring
at his wife to see whether her feet are
large or small, andno matterw which way
the verdict is she won't be pleased.
Earnest Spinster-"S Since you sympa-
thize so much with the Blue Ribbon
army why don't YOU Join us, Miss Mash
am?' Frivolous Ditto-"SoIwould, only
the ribbon is really such a dreadful
blue
A fan. made of bank no~s, was the
refreshing Gift made to a Methodist
pastor at Newark, n. j., the other eve
ming. This method of raising the wind
should be adopted at all donation par
ties.
A compositor who was puzzling Oven
one of Horace Greeley's manuscripts,
sagely and sayagely observed: IF Bel
shazzar had seen this handwriting on the
wall he would have been more terrified
than he was,
II do wish You would come home
earlier, said woman 10 her husband
81 am afraid to stay alone. Away;
imagine that there's somebody in the
house but when YOU come know there
amt
There are twenty Greeks in Chicago
hence when they meet there are ten tug:
| of war. The Secretary of the Navy
should buy up those tugs Of war withou
delay, and then we would have navy
| IeraS SYtingS.
When aCaliforniaman sees mo cards
at the end of amarriage notice of frienC
! he remarks that 'that girl has put som'
of her pious notions into Jim's head bu
he'll get over them after he has beer
married awhile
A 6-year-old boy at Belfast. Me. ha
very advanced ideas. He has dol
which he calls his wife, Recently h
was telling his wife his future plans ant
remarked: "By and bye l shall become
| a Mason. and then YOU won't see me un