Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-03-01

WITH some men the penny's mightier
than the sword, sure enough.
A WESTERN paper heads an account Of
the drowning of four young men, "A
Fatal Pleasure"
WHAT'S in name? A landlord ex-
poets 2 per cent. more rent where the
street is called an avenue.
IT may sound paradoxical. but it's
nevertheless true, that you think the
least OF some persons when you think
the most of them.
SPEAKING of the army worms, Fogg,
who served during the Rebellion, says he
used frequently to find them in his bis
cult, and doesn't care to renew the ac-
quaintance.
DocToR-"Well, Pat have you taken
that box of pills l sent you?" Pat
Yes, sir, be jabbers, have, but | don't
feel any better yet; maybe the lid hasn't
come off yeti"
FAREWELL" was the title Of a poem
sent to newspaper; and the cruel ed
ieor in acknowledging its receipt, said :
IL S a GOOD thing that the gifted au-
thores babe it good by, as she viii new
er SEQ It eg4n'
a DESPERATE man in Bloomington.
lila ad}ertise5 for q cook. good ul bad.
with or without recommendation, Is
ymln l1r liz or only feW months
He further eoHcedes that the f.u4ily
will be lloglle and obedient."
SHE was a Cleveland lady, and she
-A.. 4 u, L.
" bat is that boat loaded with 2" Ice"
was the reply. "Oh. myp she ex-
claimed, in surprise, IF the horrid stuff
should melt the water would sink the
boat"
IT is said that the Marquis of Lorne,
at railway station in Canada, men
toned the fact that some of his ances-
tors put their feet under Arthur's round
table, whereupon a backwoodsman ex-
claimed: "Wa'al, if my ainsisters had
been there they'd put their feet atop of
it, you bet"
A MAIDEN lady said to her little neph-
ew: mo, Johnny, you go to bed early,
and always do so, and you'll be rosy
checked and handsome when you grow
up" Johnny thought over this few
minutes, and then observed: well,
Aunty, you must have set up "a good
deal when you were young"
"YEs," said an actress of a lady friend
in the profession, q think Alice is in
! sane. Why, Yesterday, she actually told
her real age. Not that she's so very old,
you know, but it is better to begin to
cut down gradually than to stop at a
certain age and never get beyond it, or
take jump back five years"
THE German Fliegende Bt0etter re-
ports the following conversation; "Who
is that gentleman escorting Miss Ame-
LAP" That's her fiancee-cashier of q
bank-very rich-splendid match" In
deed what may be be worth ?" We'll,
that can't be said now-dont know
with what amount he'll manage to- get
away"
"As FOR Mrs. So-andSo," remarks
one of the guests in salon, where they
are passing their friends under review,
her worst fault is that she is bored
wherever she goes" Her lack of self
ishness is still greater defect" says an
other, for she insists ON not being the
only bored person in the company. =
French Va.
A BELLEFoNTE boy stole his mothers
canary-bird, and sold it to a man who
had just lost one for 81 and the dead
bird IN exchange; and, when his mother
was overwhelmed with grief and gave it
| fearful burial, he assisted her with the
money jingling in his pockets. That
/ l. Il ,1rsf
and become a great financier.-Phii-
ddelphid Ne,cs.
well. John" said minister to one
of his hearers, Il hope you hold family
worship regularly" "Ay, sir" an
swered John, lin the time O. year OF"
in the time year OF What do you
mean?" "Ye ken, sir, we cannot see in
winter" But, John, you should buy
candles" "Ay, sir, replied John; but
in that case I'm afraid the cost might
o'ergang the profit"
A PARIS jeweler has long dunned a
lady of fashion for the amount of his big
bill, but in vain. When he rings the
bell the footman saws politely but
firmly: Sir, the Countess only re-
ceives on Tuesdays" L don't care
when she receives thunders the irate
and long-suffering creditor, what l
want to know is the day she pays on"
ATTAINED its majority: Il don't nm
derstand,' said the landlady, why no.
body touches that cake It's been on
the table every night for week and
not soul has eaten piece of it. 1t is
unnecessary to say that it is particularly
nice. Look at it; it speaks for itself. >
Possibly" remarked Fogg. that is
the reason that NOBODY else speaks for
it,