Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1883-11-15
THE WILD, WILD WEST.

How a Californian Told Tales of
Horror to an Inqu.ring Stranger.
A well-known fellow citizen now
prowling to say growing ng-through
Europe, writes US the following touching
experience:
had been for half an hour, he says,
sitting on the deck of one of those miser-
able little packets that ply between
Dover and Calais and exasperating my
fellow-passengers by refusing to join in
the carnival Of sea-sickness going on
around me, when ruddy-faced, white
whiskered, bluff-looking individual who
had been eyeing me for some time step
ped up and said:
Beg pardon, Pm sure; but are you
really the Americana
"The American" 1 replied; there
are several, I believe.n
"Oh, Of course, to be sure, l mean the
one on board. saw George B. Blank,
San Francisco, California, U. 81 painted
on some of the baggage, and picked
you out right away as the owner" And
that stranger inspected me from head to
foot with as vivid curiosity as if I'd
been wild man Of the woods.
Well,n finally exclaimed, & am an
American. What can do for your
"Why-er-notAing- is-no Of
fense, I hope, and you are Californian,
too2" he said, rubbing his hands as
though he had indeed met rara avis.
"Ever scalped by the Indians2n
II think not, replied.
"You've scalped some Of them, though,
haven't you9" persisted my inquisitor.
Concluding that inasmuch as was in
for being made a sideshow of might as
well indulge some of the circusposter sort
thing, Hooked my questioner calmly in
the face and replied: a'Some twenty-six
or seven, forget which. have the tally
nicked in the handle Of my scalping
knife. | carry only one bowie in this
country. So seldom does one run across
any fun over here, you know"
"Killed many white men2" asked the
stranger, who appeared to be actually
quivering with excitement and curiosity.
"Only eight or ten" replied, care
lessly. sYou see, in California there is a
sort Of close season now for shooting
white men. 'Taint like the good old
man-for-breakfast times. A man is only
allowed to gun around promiscuous like
four months in the year. So it's hard to
keep ones hand in, don't you seer"
"Well, I declare, " said the apparently
stupefed man with the chop whiskers
" How about Chinamen9n
"oh, we kill Cinnamon all the year
around-when they're fat" 1 explained.
"But there is lately some sort of an or
dinance making it amisdemeanor to shoot
pigtail unless he is on the shady side of
the street or gets in your way. Folks are
getting too particular over that for
fact
ever been divorced2' finally said the
stranger, whose eyes were now sticking
out like pegs on hat-rack.
Nine times, 1 think" 1 said. SIN
fact, 1 intended to have been again
when passed Chicago on my way over,
but the train only stopped eleven minutes
and there wasn't time to rush it through
takes twenty-five minutes, you know
thought this had knocked him out,
but after few minutes bewildered cogi-
tation he returned to the charge once
more.
"Is it really true that all Americans
wear chest protectors and eat nothing
but pie2"
"Well, you see, the fact is that Amer
leans are, as you know, such a fright
fully busy people that they haven't time
to sit down and eat square meal, like
you English They must have some
thing portable-something they can carry
about with them and nibble on the sly.
I tell you, sir, it looks like business when
you see forty or fifty men all hanging on
the straps of street car with one hand
and eating pie with the other"
81 should rather think so, " murmured
the stranger
"As for the chest protectors" I con
tinued, they are really nothing more
than pockets suspended around the neck
and large enough to carry whole pie,
which it keeps warm at the same time.
A good hot mince pie slowed away in
this manner lmparts gentle and CRATE
full warmth to the entire system, but
keeps whole days rations always within
reach Of the wearer. Grand idea, isn't itl"
swell, I'm blessedl" said my fairly
paralyzed interrogator, gazing at my
childlike and ingenious face with pro.
found awe. Would you oblige me with
one of your cards. he said "I wantto
show it to my family, or they'll never
believe word of this-never Thanks
here's minen
As stepped chuckling into my own
compartment glanced at the card Of the
1t read: eJulius J. Judkins,
San Francisco, Cal.n
have spent about eight hours day
looking for the man ever since.-sne.
Francisco Post.
What He Left
s.sAh," said Mr. Augustus, coming