Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-03-16
MARCH MERRIMENT.
Corn isn't shocked by electricity.

MAhSh MEhhlMENl.
Corn isn't shocked by electricity.
The use of iron cannot increase the
running qualities of dog, but tin can.
The rule of three: For the third per-
son to clear out.
The False Prophet has captured
Obeid; but he has lost his grip on the
weather.
The new Chinese paper is referred to
as "our esteemed pig-tailed contem-
porary."
His own master: '1'd have people
know Pm nobody's fool" said Fender
son. "In other words" remarked
Fogg, "you're your own master"
The sharks complaint: "Odds fish,
what luck Here have been follow
ing this ship fer five hours, and all
sardine box"
Costly compliments: If doctor says
"Good day" to you, it costs you three
marks: but when lawyer says GOOD
night" you will find that it has cost you
half your fortune.
Office-seeking in New York: A
Tompkins county Democrat has offer
ed to stand in the Governors room
with his tongue out for Mr.. Cleveland
to moisten postage stamps on at a sal
airy of 81 30 per day.
An old friend with new face: Gus
tomer-"Have you any frstcl lass
musical instruments Shopkeeper-
eyes, sir; best stock in town, sir; can't
be beat" Customer turning to go out)
Cant be beat, Ell? Sorry; wanted
drum"
a safeguard: Subaltan -" Meier.
when you are on guard at the powder
magazine, and man passes, smoking
cigar, what do you do?" Meier
SHOUT to him to throw it away"
Subaltan-"And them" Meier-"I
pick It up and smoke the rest of it
myself"
Entirely original: "Well," said an
artist, "there's one thing l can say,
my painting is original. No one can
accuse me of copying" "Not even
nature" remarked one of his hearers.
A makeup that would be popular:
eyes," said the man in the gallery,
"the make-ups were generally fair, but
there is one makeup / should like to
sea makeup for lost time between
the acts"
Prohibition item: awake me up,
darling, tonight, and give me toddy,"
said an Austin inebriate to his wife, as
they were about to retire for the night.
"But how will know when you want
one~ "You can't make mistake,
| am always thirsty when l am woke
up"
One of the perfect gems:' "Do
lend me breastpin," said to friend
at whose house was staying. 81 have
just broken NINE" She produced
roach in onyx, at which / shrieked.
"Wh5, darling, its a perfect gem with
gold legs and emerald eyes," she said.
| wore it, but l shivered all day, Ughl
Very tired in their heads: First duff
fer" You say you have met me before,
and have an impression that 1 have
met you before. Can you tell me when
it was?" Second ditto-"I can, sir; it
was at the same time that met you"
First duffer (retlecting)-"Yes, yes, it
must have been; but what a remarks
| Die coincidence!
Impudence: Professional =" Please
gimme ten cents, sir, to buy some
bread" "Why, gave you ten cents
not half an hour ago." Professional
| taking in the situation Eyes,, sir, l
know, sir, but I'm a terrible bread
eater.
A man who didn't want his salary
| A SC Il =
refused an addition of 500 to his
annual salary, on the ground
that the hardest part of his
work was to collect the present amount,
and that it would kill him to attempt
to collect 800 more.
The maiden's point of view: Mamma
Ito Maud, who has been with her
brother to the play, and is fell of it,
"But was there no love in the piece,
then? Maud-"Love? Oh, dear, no,
mamma How could there be? The
principal characters were husband and
wife, you know"
Charlie We're de We're tremendously
-"Geniuses, my dear Miss Marl-
borough, are men who just missed
being fools, and fools are men who just
missed being geniuses." Miss Marl-
borough (awestruck) -"What original
things you say, Mr.. We're de We're 1
sometimes think you are almost q
genius"
Hurrying home to France: "Why
are you in such hurry to get homer"
one Ffenchman asked of another who
had recently arrived in New York and
had already bought a ticket for the
return trip. "Ah, my friend, return
that | may become member OF the
cabinet" Indeed ! What hope have
you of that?" "They will have tried
every other Frenchman By the time
get to Paris, and l must hurry to take
my turn"
A burglar alarm in his soul: Lord
Reginald Sansdenier, in answer to con-
fidential remark of his host" Twenty
thousand pounds worth of plate on the
table, Sir Gorgius? wonder you amt
afraid of being robbed" Sir Gorgius
Midas -" Robbed, my lord Good
'evens! Pm sure your lordship's too
honorable heven to think of SIGH a
thingp'
Goldfish in London's social sea: Miss
ShlIu ktEOn DdySWdtoIJ- suppose
you're going to lots of dances?" Miss
De Symthe (from Belgravia)-" Pm 60
ing to Mrs. Mowbrsy Masham's of
course, on the 2Sth. I've-a-not heard
there's any other" Miss Smith who
has cards for dozen dances at least
but has never even heard of Mrs. Now
bray Masham's, feels rather out of it.
Courtship in Georgia: He rushed in
the parlor without ringing the door bell
and discovered light figure sitting on
the sofa in the corner. He certainly
exclaimed: "By Jove. dear Nell, 1
thought never would find you alone
AGAR. Your mother has gone visit
ing, hasn't sbe?" eyes," responded
the light figure, "Nelle goes visiting so
much l am often alone" The young
man remarked the next day that be
left his hat ON the plans and his UNI
brella in the hall, and needed nothing
but thirty acres of open air.
1t was but simple pin
On chair,
And the little boy did grin
Like bear,
When the teacher took seat
And in a manner very fleet