The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-12-27
A New Girl.

Novelties in girls are naturally look
ed upon with suspicion. The present
style of girl has been thoroughly tested
and found to be perfectly satisfactory,
and when any one claims to have de-
yised new and improved style of
girl, the claim usually proves, upon
examination, to be a ridiculous fail
ure.
From the West there comes the story
of newly-invented girl of startling
originality. She differs from previous
girls in the fact that her left leg is
attached to her right shoulder, while
her right arm occupies the place
usually occupied by left leg. Girls
with extra limbs or no limbs at all have
frequently been exhibited to an unsym-
pathizing public, but the distribution
of the new girls limbs is something
absolutely novel, and as such deserves
serious attention.
The claims made in behalf of the
new girl are many, and some of them
at least appear to be justitiable. For
example, it is asserted that woman
who has a hand where the left foot is
usually found can pick up pins and
other small things from the carpet
without STOPPING. She can also hold q
rug in place while sweeping it, and
can drag a cat out from under sofa
and turn her out of the room with the
| greatest ease. When she drops her
prayer-book in church she can pick it
up and place it on the seat beside her
without attracting the slightest atten-
ton, and she can climb into carriage
a oil of ha,, ha,
be so called-with an ease and grace of
which the ordinary woman is quite in
| capable.
Having foot where other women
have right hand, the new style of
| girl would make an admirable family
| disciplinarian, since she could admins
ter punishment to children without the
| trouble of removing her slipper. She
would have an immense advantage
over other girls when wearing beautiful
and costly hosiery, since she could
display the stocking on her right upper
| limb with no more impropriety than is
involved in displaying neatly-fitting
| ploye. So, too, her advantages for
| displaying a neat and artistic boot
would be quite unequaled, and she would
| be able to button both her own boots
with less trouble than ordinary women
find in putting on their gloves.
These are claims which, 1t much be
admitted, are well founded. We may,
however, concede everything that is
claimed on behalf of the new girl and
still disapprove of her. What is this
girl TO do when on receiving an accept
able offer of marriage she wishes to
clasp her arms round her lovers neck?
VIII he be likely to feel flattered when
the soft foot touch of a Western
feminine caresses his left carp When
the marriage ceremony is in progress
how will he obey the clergyman S
| order to take the brides right hand in
his? And then how will the new girl
be able to make the simplest article of
food without literally putting her foot
| in i?
The worst feature of the new girl,
however, is her inability to walk.
Nothing has been said by her advocates
on this subject, which is sufficient
reason for assuming that they have
nothing favorable to say. Is the
girl expected to walk on both feetp Ii
SO, it is safe to say that she cannot do
it, and if she could her appearance would
be so grotesque that she would never
venture outside of her own room. Un-
doubtedly she is expected to walk on
one foot and one hand. Need any
thing more be said to prove that she is
painful failure.
This attempt to make the modern
girl a compromise between the 6imana
and the quadrumana is certainly in
genious, but it is doomed to the fate
of all previous attempts at improving
girls. Our girls need no improvements,
and it will take q greater intellect than
that of Cuvier to devise any possible
change in them which would not be for
the worse.