National Republican., 1883-06-25
Journal.

Always 10 your InOttO htlCkl
Make kick
Courier. JourndL
A MAN four miles south of North Platte
has planted $4,000 trees and ten bushels Of peach
pits
AS THEY make everything Of paper now,
the Boston Bunstfn says II is singular that waist
paper is not utilized for corsets.
AN Oil City choir at rehearsal on Saturday
night ran over the Hallelujah Chorus" The
music escaped unipjured.-0a CITY Derrick.
"IT's gauze you please for the girls now.
adays," says the Omaha Republican, an able Jour.
nal, which further remarks that when It isn't
wet it's sweat
THE average Ohio editor is nothing IL not
literary. One In Cincinnati is giving Shakespeare
fits and one in Springfield is amazed At the popu.
larty of Dickens.
ANOTHER New York policeman has Just
been assaulted. 1t 10 very oowardly piece OF
business, this jumping onto man when he is
asleep-C Courier. Journal
CONVENTION of Illinois sheriffs has Just
been held ut Decatur. Where two or three Ameri.
cans are engaged in the same occupation there
convention is pretty sure to be held.
DETROIT Free Press. "The New Orleans
mint has pair of scales which will weigh tho ten
thousandth part of an ounce. The wonder is that
more rich men don't have 'em and use EN- in
weighing their donations 10 charities"
A GREAT moral truth culled from tho COL
umns Of the Cincinnati, Ohio, Commercial Gazette:
There seems to be a great many hogs in tho
west" We believe this statement will receive the
hearty approval OF the entire country.--At,anta
Constitution.
THAT was good Sermon" said Job Shut
tie, as he sauntered out of the vestibule pretty
good" replied Patience 81 hope you'll profit by
It," why, there was nothing in 1t that applied
to me at ALL" "oh, that's why you say II was "a
good sermon, ppose"-HdrUord Post
A NEW YORK woman who has had thres
husbands says Of petting: "a woman who is
content to spend her life in mans arms is lot
good for anything else than pet and IL her hus-
band doesn't get pains in his aud tell her so
before many years she can bless her stars"
Two gentlemen are discussing a third.
while the coach jolts painfully over the uneven
surface Of the street. "He's a sad scoundrel
fear" says one "Not such sad scoundrel" re-
piled the other, as the vehicle plunged into hole
in the pavement "as you" "Wh- what?" "As
you think" says the other, triumphantly recover.
ing his breath.
"DoN'T you forget" exclaimed q man,
arising during discussion, "that / lay over the
deck" do YOU mean that you can whip me?'
replied long haired Arkansaw man, also arising
mo, sir" said the first speaker. "Then what do
you mean by saying you lay over the deck?" ~
| mean that am steamboat man and sleep In the
| pilot house. ."-ArkdnsdtO Traveller.
Il AM an agnostic," remarked ayoung man
| in swelling accents. "And an agnostic is what7"
inquired an elderly gentleman. ''An agnostic,"
replied the fresh youth in manner expressive Of
his pity for his interlocutors ignorance, ian ag-
| nostc is fellow, you know, who isn't sure Of
| anything" g see" replied the old gentleman;
but how does 1t happen that you are sure that
you are an agnostic ?"-Boston Transcript.
WHILE Marshal Sebastiani was French
minister TO England he sat next to Lord Palmer.
ston at city dinner and after listening TO all that
was said in praise of England in the various
| speeches delivered during the evening he re-
marked to his neighbor, "Oh, my lord, If was
not Frenchman should wish to be an English.
manP And l." coldly replied old Pam, "if
was not an Englishman should wish to be one"
Fools and children tell the truth, it is
said; and to illustrate we will give you the story
| of Bishop Wurtzburg and the little shepherd boy
Of whom he asked, "What are you doing, my
little ladT" "Tending swine" "How much do
you get?" zone horin week" "I am also
t-epherd," continued the bishop. "but I have
| much better salary" "That may all be, but then
suppose you have more swine under your care"
innocenty replied the boy.--Cheek.
n CONNECTICUT munster was approached
recently at the close of his discourse by man
who thanked him for a sermon he had delivered
fifteen years before, because 1t had made such a
powerful impression" upon him. The man
being piled with questions could not recall word
of the text the subject and the interested pastor
gave up his inquiries, when the man exclaimed;
"I remember how you wound up. You said.
Theology treligion-not bya--s sight,"
--Erchdnqe.
THERE are certain people in this world, and
they constitute large class, who always want to
be noticed. AS an inveterae politician once said:
"Only notice me in your newspaper; pitch into
me If you like; but keep me before the people,"
Akin to this feeling was the spirit eyinced by the
"gilded YOUTH" who said at want wife to
make home pleasant" But" objected his friend,
you'd be bowling round town nights oil the
same" yes but now nobody cares. and IL
would be such comfort to feel that somebody
was at home mad about It,"
THE Louisville Courier closes its poetical
and practical moralizing upon summer vacations
with this not over cheerful personal reflection:
" The newspaper man takes but one excursion to
the country, and from that he never returns.
When he has worn out his days his comrades
carry what is left of him out to the cemetery and
lay him down to rest Then they go back to their
work and speak kindly Of the lost friend, but
they write no obituary resolutions about him.
GlNo tIelu iOr tuht huu UOn lOtHoL bnaL
now is the time to subscribe"
New ORLEANS Pcayune: Virtue in rags is
not there to stay... Bad singers are the poor
screechers most TO be pitied. Tho Keely motor
is probably Off for a summer vacation. He must
be a good man whose intimate friends are all
good. Money docs not give boy the higher
education philosophers talk about....H u man
has such thing he should take his conscience
into everything, The candidate thinks II Ia
better TO have run aud lost than never to get
nominauon....A young man ought not to be
away from homo and In boer saloon when good
fortune knocks at his door. There are times
when the barefooted man ia superior to the
millionaire. He never goes to bed with his boots
on....It is said that foreigners cannot become
aldermen in London. II is poor rule that will
not work both ways.... John L. Sullivan would
. like to see Tewksbury nurse jump up on his
stomach and try to make him take medicine.
The man who owes large sums Of money can
afford to take things quietly and let his creditors
do the worrying.
WHEN will people forego the fun of fooling,
, ending as it does so often in misery and even
death2 Last month as Hedwig spinhorn, pretty
German girl was about to leave Portland, ore.,
to Join her lover at Tacoma, Washington territory
where they were to be married, being busy with
necessary preparations, she asked her brother 70
write to her afianced and tell him she was com.
. ing, In a moment of thoughtleas pleasantly the