The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-08-02
WIT AND HUMoR.

f~f VIZ "u'onCuhcuS YOU hhoW.
II you desire to ridicule the figure of
q companion in the most approved style.
Neii him he Is as hollow-chested as box
OF strawberries.
1t is strange, yet true. that no matter
now much You batter at Knot, when
you batter it out you always leave the
, knot hole i, - ...;, - ,.-r.l-,.,
mo, said bride, 81 am not willing
that our wedding tour should include the
Yellowstone park. Yellow don't agree
with my complexion" -,
Statistics show that boy babies are
more apt to die than girl babies. Boys
can not stand continual hugging. as
girls can. = '.A
Digby has been working hard at Ital-
Han all winter and resolves to try a little
on newly-arrived emigraAt: .'Parlate
ltaliano. signor?" Emigrant: ''Arrah!
Now what are ye givin' usp'.
:. ''Can you change 800 gold-pieceP"
ne asked, as he gently placed the empty
glass on the counter. ''Yes," said the
Bartender. ''Well, III go out and see
5f can find one.
Hostess-"Now. don't stay out here
nll tho evening Host-"We'l join
, ou ~ ISn ulmuteS-tF zaI1OSLcSS-T- MISS
Screechy is going to. sing, you know y
SHostA"oh, we'll, say an hour.'' 3
Two BARRIERS have been ynched out
West There was probably sufficient
provocation for the act They had eyi-
stently suggested .sh ampoe sirP "onces
400 often.
Did you ever notice how suddenly a.
timid woman who is hunlming an oper-
attic air will switch off on to a religious
hymn when storm comes UP and she
hears the first clap of thunder? ~
Given to Failing-Said the girl who
had quarreled with her lover: s'Oh, it's
all rightI Harry said he should try to
forget me, but heAalways fails in every
thing he undertakes"
There is still one. thing in favor of
the sdude--he will never blow out his
brains for any woman. A charge ofehot1
fired into an empty space would notShit
anything. Is G Rg
ia A. Cincinnati belle.sip reply TO the
question whether there was much culti-
waited and refined society in her native
city, is reported as having replied: "You
list bes your boots that we're aeultiva-
ted crowd" 81 M Z Z
In modern Egypt young man is not
permitted to see his wife's face before
marriage. As consequence not infre-
qpentlY soon after marriage he makes
mp his mind that he never wants 70 lsee
1T. again. EfsS..fk y sssE,
I s.Charlie seem to enjoy life behind
that pair of trotters," pioth Smithers
to Rather, as a, mutual friend sped
- past them at a 40 gait. IFWhy should
:. not he?'' answered B.. ''life is but "a
span.' fgf,tr ~; -{gflt afff
Sullivan has Joined a base ball club.
When we learned some time ago that he
= had entered the prize ring, we predicted
that he would go from bad to worse but
we didn't suppose his downward career
( would be so rapid. J Y - or H4 ,
Laugh and the world laughs with
you," sings Ella Wheeler. Well, yes,
sometimes9 And sometimes il laughs at
you. sThSt is the time, when your
share in the fun is reduced to a mini
mum tf ~ ffft5@> -
Pretty but very cheap chintz dresses
are now worn on the streets by ladies of
wealth. Tho fashion was started by
sensitive mistresses who wish to avoid
being mistaken for their servants. who
wear silk rn tV- So r
=
have often noticed that gallant
young men walking with their sweet
hearts offer the. left arm while devoted
married men with their wives offer the
right arm. WhyFis thisP Edith: "The
left arm is nearest the heart, the right
arm Is nearest the pocket-book."
"A. A...'whistling buoy has been. placed
in the ocean at Southeast Ledge. That's
right. There are a number of whistling
boys in this town who should also be
placed in the ocean -as near the bottom
as possible. 8 - - ~ -
An esteemed New Orleans cptemposi
rary declares that dignity kills a picnic.
Such may be the case in the South. Up
this way heavy shower of rain lasting
an hour would Kill the most undignified
picnic deader than the middle mackefel
in the barrel. = = = =
Mrs. Bricbrack devoted nearly three
weeks to decorating.a large jar and
then had it spoiled in the ':firing.t Brio
brack came home inebriated one might,
stumbled over the thing and fired it out
of the house. He fired it. too hard,
andthe pieces eouldn't be put together.
The New Orleans Picayune, by way
of showing off its acquaintance with
great men, says ''there is Anew Yorker
named Spinola who is noted for his
shirt-collar,' Arc shirt-eonars in the
South SO rare that a man with one of
them isa subject of remarks ass&
I'm north Brazil there aresno profess
sional dressmakers, the finest ladies US
ually making their own costumes. When
man buys his wife 30 dress he doesnt t
have TO give her $40 to get IL made.--
FHbnra ~, nil
worthy of imitation in this country +,
Magistrate (who has lately taken to
himsslf a wig, severely him, Ethink
I-haye seen you here before; and on a
similar charge" Drunk and disorderly
female: 'No, your 'onor; s'elp me,
never! The last time / was up afore q
bald-'eaded old cove, not a bit like ye. "
"A collector of autographs once wrote
to. General Sherman for his autograph
and a lock of his hair, and received The
following reply: ''The man who has
been writing my autographs has been
discharged, and, as my orderly is bald,
I cannot comply with either of your
requests" ~ ~
A city gentleman, who invested s20,-
600 ina farm, and retired from The
granger business without cent at the
emu OF TWO years, mas started an agTlcui
tural journal and is now printing some
very valuable articles on Farm Econ.
oray." 8zes ~ ii Z --s
Mrs. Enthuse: '.How I envy you and
your garden, Mrs. SMITH Any. one
would know these were fresh tomatoes
Little Johnny (who has been in the
kitchen)."And right under Fresh To
matoes' there's the biggest picture eyel
No ,.yk,., No. q
Can't get it, mamma?'i - :
''Why. where have you been SO long
my dear Mrs. BlankP" ''Oh! I've beer
visitin' in the provinces-Boston, Phila-
delphia.. and such PAGES, Thepl. peo
pie in tbs, provinces don't know hothins
Why, when told 'em about poor, deal
Jim Elliott's big funeral, and what Z
nice prize fight there was the othe1
apA hOxu. ba