The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1883-01-19

THE MAJORS ARTIFICIAL LEa.-Major
Todd, of Bangor, Me, lost his right leg at
the battle Of Frederick sburS, and some time
ago he pu. chased an artificial leg from a
man in Washington. It contained sys.
tenn Of springs which cnibed the Major to
use it in such natural mouncr that when
he was walking along the street nobody
woulI i3r m)m.nt suppose that he had
not both of his own legs.
One Sunday, while the Major was on his
way to church, he slipped up on the ice
and gave the store leg a severe wrench lie
must have disocatcd some of the springs;
for, alter reaching the church and taking
is sent, rrrd whi+e the hc-olergymur-wos read
ing the Scriptures, the leg sud icnly flew up
and rested on the back Of the seat in front
of him. The congregation looked at him
in anlazcmcnt, and nc grew very red in the
face. AS soon as he took it down it
jumped up again an6 wigglcd about on
the back of the pew, finally kicking Mrs.
Thompson's bonnet to rags. Then the Ma
jor suppressed it again, and held it down
but it instantly began Il. convulsivc move.
mcnt i'll his own pew, during which it upset
the stools, plunged around among the hymn
books and hats, anil hammered the board
beneath the seat until the minister had to
stop The sexton came rushing in to find
out what was tn. matter, and the Major,
after explaining the difficulty in whisper,
asked the sexton to let him lean on him
while he charged on the front door. As
soon as the Major got into the aisle that
dislocatcd leg kicked the the sexton sixteen
or seventeen times in most insolent man,
ncr, varying the exercises by making ccccn-
trio swoops off to one side, during which
it kicked eight Of the high hits at the pew
doors into black silk chaos.
BY the time the Major reached the vcs-
tibule the leg had become perfectly rcck-
less. 1t flew up before and it flew up be-
hind. 1t buttcd against the good leg, and,
dartcd out siGcwisc, and described circles.
and tried to insert its toes in the Majors
coat-tail pockets, and to whack him on the
nose. When the sexton came with the
hack and put tn" Major in it the leg bangs
ed through the window glass, and when the
driver got down t, see about it the leg bran.
dishcd itself in his !acc, and concluded the
exercise by planting 4 terrible blow in his
thSt 4tah aidgtE nth len dollars to take
the leg off, 'and the driver accepted the
offer. For several minutes it cluded all
his efforts to catch it rs it danced about,
but finally he got hold Of it and hung on
while the Major tried to unbucklo the
straps. Then it came off and rolled the
driver in the mud. lie got upto watch it.
1t writhcd and kicked and jumped and
throhbed and hoped; aud whenever it
would make dash to one side or the 9th
cr the crowd would scatter in order to give
it full play. Finally Ben Woollcy set his
dog on it, and most exciting contest en-
sued, the leg two or three times running
of with the dog; and it seemed likely that
the dog would get whipped. Mr. Woolley
got a crow bar and aimed blow at the
leg, with the intcn: to smash it; but he
missed and nca::y killed the dog. AS soon
as the dog retired, Mr.. Woollcy whacked it
again and burst it into flinders, and then
there was peace. The Major drove home
and got his crutchcs, and since then he has
confined himself to the use of a wooden leg
without springs Chicago HraM.