Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-01-29

What notes compose the most favorite
tunes?-and how many tunes do they
-Bank-notes-they make four
tunes.
Daniel Webster used to say that the
word avould, in Rufus Choate's handwrit-
ing, resembled small gridiron struck by
lightning
"What are clouds?" asked the Popular
Science Monthly. Well, one kind is when
you call to see your girl and find that the
other fellow is in the parlor with her.
When DIR. Bliss received the SC, 900 of
offered instead of the s25, 900 demanded,
his respiration was slow, his pulse rap
id, and his pus cavity extended with
bile.
Sign for hotel-inn digestion. An
apartment to let to a lady-room it is,
IN. Hint to bore-g' out The cry of
plant.
The following occurred in Lowell
OoOcsaSA oNhoOA OLC 1CdCucE-
son what were given the commandments
to Moses?" Little boy-ssOn two marble
top tables.''
Said farmer who was given to long
drinks, to brother agriculturist, "What
breed OF cattle would you advise me to
adopt?" ''Short horns," was the signifi-
cant reply"
correspondent tells an anecdote of
an old woman, who, when her pastor said
to her, Heaven has not deserted you in
your old age" replied, ''No, sir, have a
very great appetite STILL"
When young man in Patagonia wants
wife he rides out and lassoes one, but
in this country when a girl wants hus-
band and her fellow doesn't come to
time, the lass-sues him-for breach of
promise.
A young politician explained the tat
tered condition of his trousers to his IA
ther by stating that he was sitting under
an apple tree enjoying himself, when the
farmers dog came along and contested
his seat.
A man out west says that he moved so
often during one year that whenever a
covered wagon stopped at his gate his
chickens would fall on their backs and
hold up their feet, in order to be tied and
| thrown in.
Freddie had been to church for the first
| time when he got home his grandma asked
| him what he had heard. ssThe minis ter
| read about man who lost a sheep and
| he hunted for it all over Boston and
Fitchburg and Putney and found it down
| in Westminster
Little frankie went to a Baptist church
| with his mother, when he saw some peo-
pie baptized in font. The next day he
repeatedly dipped his dolls into a tub OF
water muttering something at the same
time. Finally she overheard him say
81 baptize you in the name of the Father
and the Son and into the hole you go!'
| This is one of the telephone stories
An old man did not believe his wife
could talk to him from distance of five
miles. Walking up to the machine he
| shouted, tHello, Sarah!'' At that in
slant lightning struck the telephone wire
and knocked the man down, and as he
scrambled to his feet, he excitedly cried
That's Sarah, every time''
Nothing can be more provoking than to
hinder questioner for explanations
when you cannot help him. A hunter il
a furious hurry after game, called out tc
a gawky youngster: ''Hollo, boy, die
you see a rabbit cross the road here Just
now?" "a rabbit" eyes, be quick, 6
rabbit" ''Was it a kinder gray varmint?' p
eyes! yes!" ga longish cretur with {
short tail?" eyes, be quick, or he'll gair
his burrow." Had it long legs behind
with big ears?" Yes! yes!" ssAnd sor
ter jumps when it runs?' eyes, I tell you
jumps when it runs s'Well, I hahn
seen no such cretur here
Perhaps no medicine is so universally required as
good cathartc. Swayne's Pills prepared express
to meet this necessity, being composed of purely veg
eable ingredients. Of which podophyllin mandrake
sarsaparilla yellow dock and other concentrates
Juices euter largely po their composltion the Who'll
strength of which is extracted an entirely ne.
principle. The, mild in their operation, and ar
trnly valuable aperient and antbilious medicine
They stimulate the liver to healthy action cleans
the stomach and bowels of all impurities. Curin
sick and nervous headache. dyspepsia indigestion
biliousness feycrs. drowsiness colds. aching pain.
slight chills with flashes of heat and female irregt
larities. For bilious and costiye habit no metlicip
is sc prompt and eectual Mailed on receipt OF pric
lin postage stamps). a5 cents. five boxes for 81
Address Dr. swayne Son, Philadelphia, Pa. AS
your druggist for them.