Connecticut western news., 1883-08-29
A FULL THOUSAND.
SOLOMON AND HIS THOUSAND WIVES
 IN ALL THEIR GLORY.
The Bad Boy Goes into Figures and As
 tOnishes the Grocery Man.
From the Milwaukee Sun.]


 Solomon is credited with being the wisest man, and yet history says he had thousand wives, " said the bad boy to the grocery man. "Just think of 1t. You have got one wife, and pa has got one, and all the neighbors have one, if they have had any kind of luck. Does not one wife make you pay attention 1? Wouldn't two wives break you up :? Wouldn't three cause you to see stars How would ten strike you? Why, man alive, you do not grasp the magnitude of the statement that Solomon had a thousand wives. A thousand wives, standing side by side, would reach about four blocks. Marching by fours it would take them twenty minutes to pass Q given point. The largest summer re- sort hotel only holds about five hundred people, so Sol would have had to hire two hotels if he took his wives out for a day in the country. If you would stop and think once in while you would know more"
 The grocery mans eyes had begun to to stick out as the bad boy continued, as though the statistics had never been brought to his attention before, but he was bound to stand by his old friend Solomon, and he said, "Well, Solomon's s wives must have been different fsom our wives of the present day."
 sNot much" said the boy, as he seen he was paralyzing the grocery man. since Eve. And it stands to reason that Solomon's wives were no better than the mother of the human race. Statistics show that one woman out of every ten is red headed That would give Solomon an even hundred red headed wives. Just that hundred red headed wives would be enough to make an ordinary man think that there was land that is fairer than this. Then there would be, out of the other nine hundred, about three hundred blondes, and the other six hundred would be brunettes, and maybe he had 8 few albinos, and bearded women, and fat women, and dwarfs. Now, those thousand women had appetites, desires for dress and style, the same as all women. Imagine Solomon saying to them, Girls, let's all go down to the ice cream saloon and have dish of ice cream Can you, with your brain mud dled with codfish and new potatoes, realize the scene that would follow Suppose, after Solomon's broom brigade had got seated in the ice creamery, one of the red headed wives should catch Solomon winking at strange girl at another ta- ble. You may think Solomon did moi know enough to wink, or that he was not that kind of firt, but he must hisve been or he could never have succeeded in marrying 8 thousand wives, in [ sparsely settled country. No, sir, il looks to me as though Solomon in all his glory, was an old masher, and from what I have seen of men being bossed around with one wife, I don't envy Solomon .his thousand. Why, jus imagine that gang of wives going and ordering fall bonnets. Solomon would have to be @ king, or a Vanderbilt to stand it. Ma wears five dollar silk stock. ings, and pa kicks awfully when the bill comes in. Imagine Solomon putting up for few thousand pair of silk stock ings. How would you like to have thousand red headed wives come into the store this minute an6 tell you they wanted you to send carriages around to the house at 3 o'clocl so they could go for drive? Or how would you like to have hired girl come rushing in aud tell you to send mp si, hundred doctors, because six hundred O your wives had been taken with cholerl morbus? Or"
 70, don't mention it, said the grocer, man, with a shudder. s'I wouldn't talk, Solomon's place, and be the natural pro tector of thousand wives if anybod, would give me the earth. Think of get ting up in cold winter morning an, building thousand fires. Think of tw, thousand pairs of hands in fellow hair Boy, you have shown me tha Solomon needed guardian over him He didn't have sense." #