Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-08-31
FUN
Edited Poetry.

Edited Poetry.
Probably no class of men are thrown
into more intimate relations with poets
than editors of newspapers. A handmade,
patent poet came into this Office recently,
and he had his manuscript with him. He
cleared his bronchial tubes. threw on
few tremulo. flute, vox harmonica and
other stops, and commenced:
Under the willow maiden fair,
Was braidng her wealth Of yellow hair"
"That won't jibe with the tone of this
paper" we said sharply.
cit won't ?" inquired the poet in tone
Of surprised suddenness.
"Wby, no; don't you realize that this
journal isn't a secondhand music box ?
The rhyme is all right enough, but you
don't seem to catch on TO the true ring.
Don't you think this would do better
Down in the kitchen maiden fair
Out of the hash was picking hair"
''Well, possibly, the way you put it,
said the poet, shifting uneasily in his
chair.
why, of course it would. Give us the
next stanZa 2"
''She thought of the flowers. the stars above
o. And then she thought OF the power OF love-"
"Oh, she did, eh ? Well, We shall have
to get you to fix that up this way
while thinking OF Mike, who was oft beside
She turned around and stepped in the spider
The poor poet wiped away tear. He
saw at once that with our strong. practi-
cal common sense views of life, we had
him at disadvantage and he couldn't
help himself either. "Warble the next
stanza,'' we said CURLY. Breathing hard
like painting horse, just in from dash,
the poor wretched poet proceeded:
1.-THE wind came up from the sunny south.
And kissed the maiden cheek and mouth
''That verse will do we'll enough If you'll
only make one little change in it,"
"What is it ?" inquired the perspiriEg
poet, Frightening up in trice and ex
hibiting little more animation.
s'Say, you make it read this way:
She grabbed it up with surly grow-el.
And wiped it out with Turkish towel :"
"This Is quite little change" said the
depressed poet do you think it would
improve it ?"
Certainly. Swing in with the next car
man.
The maiden rose from her rustic seat,
And silently passed through the lonely street,
"That's the close,' he said timidly and
with long sigh of relief.
''Oh, that's the close. is it ? Well, you
find we are right along with you. just
alter that this way:
Down on the girl the housewife bore,
And fired her through the kitchen door,
Now, you see, with the aid of few minor
suggestions which we have made, you can
trim that thing of yours into some re-
spectacle kind of shape. Besides that. you
have got poem!which you can split-a kind
Of double-b arreled poem-and sell half to
one paper and the other half to another"
The poet exhibited no little alacrity in
preparing to take his departure.
A FRIEND OF THE FLY.-He had fly
screen under one arm and bundle of
sticky fy-paper under the other, as he en-
tered Michigan avenue saloon yesterday
and said:
"Why don't you keep 'em out ?"
'Who wash dot p'' asked the saloonist.
"Why, the pesky flies. You've got 'em ty
the thousand in here, and the fly season
has only begun. Shall put fy-screens in
the door ?''
"Vhat for ?''
ITO keep the flies out"
"Wby should keep der flies oudt Flies
like some schance to go aroundt und see
der city, der same ash Peoples. 1t fly ish
kept out on der shtrees all der time he
might ash Well be horse"
Eyes, but thev are great nuisance.
I'll put you up a screen door there for
S2."
mot any for me. If a fly WANTS TO come
in here. and he behaves himself in a re-
pectable manner, l have nothinks to say
II he don't behave I bounce him oudt
poorly queek, und don't he forget her ~
swell, try this fy-paper. Every sheet
will catch 500 flies"
s'Who Wants to catch 'em ?''
II do-you-everybody.
81 don't see it like dot. If put dot fly
paper on der counter somebody comes
along und wipes his nose NIT it, or some
body leans his elbow on her and WALKS off
NIT him. It would be shust like my boy
Shake to come in und lick all der molasses
off to play shoke on his fadder."
"Say, I'll put down a sheet, and if ii
doesn It catch twenty flies in five minutes
I1l say no more.''
IF you catch twenty flies have to pry
'em loose nit stick und let 'em 60, und
dot vhas too much work. No. my frendt;
flies must have shance to get along und
take some comfort. 1 vhas poor once my
self, und know all about it,.
III give you seven sheets for ten
cents.''
''Oxactly, but won't do it, It looks to
me like shmall beesness for big man like
you to go around nit some confidence
games to shwindle flies. A fly vhus born
to be fly und to come into my beer sa-
loon ash often ash he likes. When be
comes l shall treat him as shentleman.
1 gift him fair show. don't keep an axe
to knock him in der headt, and I don't
put some molasses all over sheet of pa
per und coax him to come und be all stuck
up NIT his feet until he can't fly away
You can pass along-I m no such person