Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-03-17
Saturday Smiles.

The mouthpiece of the telephone may be per-
fectly respectable. but there are a great many
things said against it.
'Dwo vos schoost enough. budt dree was too
blendty,' remarked Hans, when his girl asked
him to take her mother along with him to the
dance.
An lrishman once received a doctors BILL He
looked it carefully over, and said he had no Oh
lection to paying for the medicines, but the
visits he would return.
wake me up, darling, tonight and give me
toddy,' said an Austin inebriate to his wife,
but how will know when you want one:''
You can't make mistake. I am always
thirsty when am woke up"
care your domestic relations agreeable:"
asked judge of colored witness.
"What's dat conjunction boss?"
II ask are your family ties pleasant:''
"Wall, no, sab. When oman ties a man
when he's drunk an whips him till he's sober,
doan' think dat it's pleasant, sah."
An Englishman shooting small game in Ger
many said to his host that there was spice of
danger in shooting in America. 'Ah!" said the
host you like danger nit your sport. Then.
you 60 out shooting NIT me. The last time I
shoot mine brudder-in-law in the schtomack.''
judge having fallen asleep during a trial.
Lawyer X, suddenly ceased pleading, and ex-
claimed: IL will wait until his Honor wakes be-
fore finishing" "But," answered the opposing
counsel, perhaps his Honor will wait until you
have finished before waking. "-From the French
"How can l leave you, my darling?" muir
INJURED Toledo lover, in tones of distressing
tenderness, as he observed both hands of the
clock approach perpendicular on the dial.
well, john" responded the girl. with wicked
Innocence, you can take your choice. II you
60 through the hall you will be liable to wake up
father, and If you leave byway ofthe back shed,
you'll be likely to wake UP the dog"
Mr. Fol-
thousand times day. When the owner Of the
eye enters drug store, the clerk behind the
soda-water fountain can pick the right wink out
of a hundred the first time. Mr.. Ealmadge fails
to explain this wonderful mnd-reading power
on the part OF the clerk.-Norriste,cn Herald.
III aim to tell the truth, said a man. EYES,"
interrupted an acquaintance, "and you are
probably the worst shot in the neighborhood.,
The patron Of Cleveland bucket-shop was
met on the street by an aged female who handed
him tract entitled, THE Sinner Stands on
Slippery Places" Madam" said he as he
handed pack the document; Don't talk to me
aoouI s1ppery places. have been specializing
IN oil Tor lO years; know all about it,
"He has paid the debt of nature said min
lister to q man who inquired after one of his
parlshioners "Are you sure of that?" asked
the man: "Oh, yes, for was at the funeral. !"
'Well, I'm glad to hear that he paid it. for he
had been owning me 81 for barrel of -four 80
lux Cu"' nou UCSuu W Cnlnk he wouldn't nav
anything. Nature was mighty darn lucky
that's all have got to say"
Adam involved the whole human race in his
faii, put ne never wore white satin crayat with
full dress.-Puck.
What Is woman's sphere?" Seems lust as II
we had heard that conundrum before. Wo-
mans sphere, let us here remark it, is as broad
as 1t is long. fyou are woman You can't get
out of 1t, and If You are a man YOU are all the
time getting mixed up with it.-Hartford Posi-.
If you nth think INK nobody cares for in this cold
populous neighborhood.-Tsros Strings.
Maine man has commenced suit against q
young lady for refusing to marry him. When
some people nave their greatest luck they don't
The man who was sslargely instrumental was
probably OF mechanical turn Of mind.
Maine has had one hundred continuous DAYS
OF sleighing.
Missouri is about to spend $50. 600 in eeoloei-
cal researches, with view to discovering more
aho hor mineral wealth