Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1883-08-25
LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI"

LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI"
Every American reader will
'know where he is' when b
gets into "Life on the Mis-
sissippi." This large octave volume i
partly made up of good Mississippi
stories with which the world is alread
acquainted, and partly Of the nara
tive OF Mark Twain's recent trip dow
the river; and his new stories are bet
ter even than his old ones.
1t is q waste of time, however, to at
tempt to explain Mark Twain. The bet
ter way is to let him speak for himself
The following extracts are made al
most at random from the new volum,
which has recently been published:
THE PROFIT ON CoFF1Ns.
In New Orleans Mark had an inter
view with an undertaken.
"Does coffin pay so well? Is ther,
much profit on coff1n2''
!" Co way!" said the undertaken.
Chow you talk!" Then, with a con.
fidential wink, a dropping of the voic.
and an impressive laying of his hanG
on my arm. 'Look here. There's ont
thing in this world which isn't eve,
cheap. That's a coffin. There's one
thing in this world which person dom
ever try to jew you down on. That.
a coffin. Undertaking? Why it's thu
dead-surest business in Christendom
and the nobbiest. For instance: Mrs
OsFlaherty comes in-widow-wipins
her eyes and kind of moaning, heI
handkerchief to one eye,puts it around
tearfully over the stock; says: rl
"And that might We ask for thai
wan?"
.Thirty-nine dollars, madame"
"lt's a foine, big price. sure, but Pa,
shall be buried like gintlenan, as he
was, it L have to work me fingers of
fOrst. Iii have that wan, sor.'
And as she starts out l heave in
kind of casually: This one with the
white satin lining, is beauty, but ]
am afraid-well, $65 is a rather-rath.
er-but no matter. I felt obliged to
say to Mrs. O'Shaughnessy."
"Dye name to say that Bridget o..
Shaughnessy bought the mate to that
joo- ul box to ship that dhrunken divil
to Purgatory in 20 :
eyes, madam" ...t ~.
'sThen Pat shall go to heaven in the
twin to il if it takes the last rap the
OFlaherties can raise; and moind you,
stick on some extras, too, and I'll give
ye another dollar"
"BEFORE THE WAR"
AT a club-room in New Orleans Mark
heard much talk about ante-bellum
things, and he was told that there was
an old negro woman in the CITY who
had fallen into the habit of dealing out
her "reminiscences. A young New
Yorker said in her presence: "What
a wonderful moon you have down
here!" She sighed and said: "Ah,
bless yo' heart, honey, you ought to
seen dat moon befo' de wawp
This, doubtless Mark Twain knows,
IS by no means a fresh joke. But his
description of Mr. Joel Chandler Harris
C"Uncle Remus') is fresh:
sUNCLE REMUs."
"He was said to be undersized, red
haired and somewhat freckled. He was
said to be very shy. He is shy man.
Of this there is no doubt. It may not
show on the surface, but the shyness is
there. There is strong and beautiful
nature hidden behind it, as all know
who have read the "Uncle Remus"
book; fine genius, too, as all know
oy the same sign. / seem to be talking
quite freely about this neighbor; bul
lot talking to the public am but talk
ng to his personal friends, and these
,hlngs are permissible among friends.
he deeply disappointed a number of
children who had focked eagerly to
Mr. Gables house to get glimpse of
he illustrious sage and oracle of the
latlon's nurseries. They said:
MEETING AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE.
"A day or two after we reached st.
louis l was walking along Fourth
treet when grizzly-headed man gave
sort OF start as he passed me, then
topped, came back, inspected me aar-
owly witha clouding brow and finally
aid with deep asperity:
'et?' '''
ga maniac, judged, at first: but all
n flash l recognized him. made an
fort to blush that strained ever muscle
n me, and answered as sweetly and
vinninsly as knew how:
''Been a little slow, but am lust this
minute closing in Oh the place where
hey keep it. Come in and help, He
oftened and said: "Make it bottle
+ champagne and he was agreeable. )"
lie said he had seen my name in the
apers and had put all his affairs aside
nd turned out, resolved to find me or
lie, and make me answer that question
or kill me.
'"Ihe meeting brought back to me
ne st. Louis riots of about thirty years
go. 1t was very hot night,
nd my musket was very heavy. We
larched and marched, and the nearer
re approached the seat of war, the
otter l grew and the thirstier got. l |
'as behind my friend; SO, finally, 1 |
sked him to hold my musket while l |
ropped out and got drink. Then I
Off and went home. l was
OF feeling any solicitude about him Of
'urse, because knew he was so well
'med now that he could take care of
mself."
AT HIS BoYHooD's HOME.
can old gentleman, out ON an early
orning walk, came along and we dis
lssed the weather, and then driftedj
TO other matters, asked him various
lestlons, first about mate of mine
Sunday school-what became of
M
''He graduated with honor at an
stern college and is supposed to have
me to the dogs"
~ named another boy"
'Oh, he's all right. Lives here vet
IS wife and children and is prosDer-
g."
Il named three school girls, and,
lally, with emotion, one of INV early
Teethearts.'
''She's all right. Been married three
nes, buried two husbands, divorced
om the third, and hear she is getting
ady to marry an old fellow out in
dorado somewhere. She's got children
altered around here and there, most
-
"Atter asking after such other folk as
could call to mind, finally inquired
out myself"
'Oh, ne succeeded we'll enough-an-
ller case Of damned fool.n
lit was with much satisfaction that
recognized the wisdom of having
III this candid gentleman in
beginning, that my name was
NTH"
AN OLD WATER-MARE CHANGED,