Omaha daily bee., 1883-02-20
Telephone Troub g.

AoipphSho thcob |
The working of the telephone line
between Council Bluff, and Omaha
the greater part Of the timo ia execra-
BILE. It's operation is attended with
difficulties calculated to FL the editor
for q cell In the penitentisry and the
clergyman for a seat In congress. Its
biography is a chapter of profane hls-
tory. Its buzzings, ~mutteripgs and
rumblings, it's maddening unintelli-
gibility, Its provoking %reiterations,
and finally Its astounding incoherency
what are they all but the advance
agents Of moral destruction. A tele-
phone looks simple, innocent, unof.
Tending. 1t seems to court CONVERSE
ton. A deaf man glances w~istfully
at its ear tube. Its general contour
and tout ensemble Invites your oon-
idence. But you have o mes
sage for a party in Omaha. You
prance up to this masked battery with
an air of nonchalance ; you twirl the
modest little crank that rings the bell,
and deity seize the ear trumpet to
receive the answers aud pleasantly no.
feet on the achievement of 10Th CEN
) fury science, and the e~cstatic blessed
neAs of living at. precisely this period,
and possessing o phone. This tym-
psnum is suddenly shocked with a
| most fiendieh combination of amateur
violin practice and saw filing; 1t seems
an though the entire central Office,
batteries, operator aud all were chas-
ing up and down the labyrinthS of
i your head. When you catch your
breath the central off 20 is ~shriekipg,
"Hello," In q pungent, epigrammatic
style that nearly upsets you. You
f gasp your order, and the operator
yells back, "Whst dye sayT At
this point you probably make . paren-
II thetical remark and repeat your order.
1t There Ii a whizzing aud fixing for q
few minutes and you hear "H'lo'
ig come across the river like a SNOWFALL
lee wrapped In red flannel.
|" Having already had some expert
ence your summon your larynx up int
your mouth, and a requisltion for you
diaphragm and fire your penetra In
OF "Hello" into the instrument. N
st ans wer, agatu, silent as a sarcophagua
4, Then you ring up the central and be
fore you reflect that a lady is listening
employ some supplementary expires
a, sions. But tho central In bland an,
re- dulcet tones informs you that there ar
70 30 many wires il causes Induction
TO and that the superabundance of ozon
at in the atmosphere, the Traction @
the electric light after dark, etcaters
etceters; all of which are abo to b
obviated, occasions the i%rregulartie
n. complained of. Then you go back Z
"a the 'phsne and ring nj be low till
RS policeman steps In eagerly and ask
H. "where ia the man that 10 making q
that racket" and ''the man in tn
next Office won't stand 1t any logger.
er The two little shining balls OF nick
show your face on this convex aurfac
twisted like q harlequins, and red as
VI iamango, and just at this time you
he friend over in Omaha wakes up to th
or realization of the face that you wis
to communicate with him and begin
to ring the bell and shrek over tn
80 wire in q wild demonisc style, and III
central Office cuts In and gently ash
eff you are not done talking" and I'll
whole universe seems to be concentr,
ted on one weak mortal standing !
abjeot helplessne,s before q HIT
he wooden box with q funnel to his @,
and becoming painfully aware thet til
.bs aforesaid funnel gives him the sppes
snce of a one. cared ass = Ia this a fai
. cy sketch.
The Come oh! thou doubter some fogg
night into our sanctum and enjoy ia
The felicity Of converting with yor
friend over the Missouri AN
lon Omaha "only Eve miles away.