Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-04-16

A great noise is often made by small
stone; loudest talk is not always the
deepest.
"Julia, my little cherub, when does
your sister Emma return?" 81 don't
know ''Didn't she say anything before
she went away?" 'She said, if you came
to see her, she'd be gone till doomsday"
Hobson bought a small cabinet organ
because it was cheap and was advertised
to have seventeen stops. After Amelia
had played it a few days he began to wish
he had bought one that stopped all the
time.
1t was Boston lad who, walking one
day with his father, saw a drunken sol
dier lying in the street, and pointing to
the recumbent figure, remarked ''Papa, l
guess he doesn't belong to the standing
army
A New Orleans man broke two legs
with one kick. One belonged to chair,
and the other was part of his own anato-
my. During his convalescence his amia-
BILE wife placed the smashed chair where
he could easily look at it.
''De shanghigh chicken minds me OBJ
certain men dat Use seed. He crows
mighty loud, an brags roun' 'mong de
hens an young chickens; but when a
game rooster comes around he's got bus
iness on de udder side oh de fence
little girl, noticing among the COM
pany at her fathers residence, on GER
tain occasion, a gentleman who's face was
considerably pock-marked, seemed much
struck with his appearance, and, after the
company retired, inquired who the moth
eaten gentleman" was.
"What's the matter with that man?''
asked Deacon Gilden, as weary citizen
staggered by the store last night. ''Is
| he drunk?" ''No," answered Aminidab ;
she's troubled with lunacy." sWhat
kind of lunacy, I'd like to know?""sWhy,
sa-loonacy, of course, of course" answer
ed Aminadab.
Yesterday a boy 16 years old got a
| tumble ON coal-hole and was evidently
| pretty badly hurt. On getting up he
swore fiuently, and clergyman, passing,
paused and asked him why he discoursed
so irreligiously. to which the lad replied
that he was too big to cry, and, by hokey.
| he'd got to do something
A judge charging a jury had occasion
| to make use of the words mortgagor and
mortgagee. The foreman of the jury ask.
| ed the Judge the meaning of the words
candidly confessing he did not know
their import. His lordship facetiously
explained them thus:
| II nod to you-you notice me:
I'm the nod-or, you the nod-ee.'
''1ou see, grandma, we perforate al
aperture in the apex and corresponding
aperture in the base, and by applying the
egg to the lips and forcibly inhaling the
breath the shell is entirely discharged o
its contents Dear me-, exclaimed the
old lady, 'swhat wonderful Improvement.
they do make Now, in my younger days
they just made hole in each end anf
sucked
A traveller in Florida writes: son TIVE
occasions 1 have witnessed brakes whis
tied down and train load of passenger
stopped in the pine woods while the con
ductor slowly ambled to neat cottage il
little orange grove and kissed his wifi
and large family of children range,
along on top of the fence. 1 think it wa
his wife, but there was some speculation
in regard to it. Animate and inanimat
nature are alike affected. The leaves o
the trees are too lazy to fall
A minister's conversation with femal
resident in the mountainous district {
West Virginia is thus recorded: rs you
husband at homer ''No; he is COO
hunting. He killed two whopping bi
coons last Sunday" ssDoes he fear til
Lord?'' II guess he does; cause he a
. ways takes his gun with him." ssHay
you any Presbyterians around here?"
don't know if he has killed any or no
Yon can go behind the house and look
the pile of hides to see if you can find al
of their skins Il see that you are Ii
ing i'm the dark" ssYes, but my husbal
d is going to cut out winder soon.''
. = We can. without hesitation, say that DR.. Bu
Cough Syrup has given the be st satisfaction We b.
sold an immense amount OF 1t during the past wint
). Wallace Hilton Co.. Druggists. Lock Haven. Pa.