The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1883-01-04
The Majors Artificial Leg.

Major Tod ', OF Bangor, Me-, lost his
right leg at the battle OF Fredericksb rg.
and some time ago he purchased an ar
tlhcial log from man in Washin gtoue
1t contained n system of springs which
enab ed the Ma or to use it in such q
natural manner that when he was walk
ing along the street nobody would for q
moment suppose that he had not both
OF his own legs.
One Sunday, while the Major was on
his way TO church, he slipped up on the
ice and gave the store leg severe
wrench. He must have dislocated some
OF the springs; for, after reaching the
church and taking his seat, and while
the Clergyman was reading the Script
ures. the leg suddenly flew up and rest
ed on tho back of the seat in front OF
him. The congregation looked at him
the face. As soon as he took it down
1t jumped up again and wiggled about
on the back of the pew. finally kicking
Mrs. Thompson bonnet TO rags. Then
the Major suppressed it again, and held
1t down, but 1t Instantly began oon-
VulsiYe movement in his own pew, dur
ing -wh ch 1t upset tho stools, plunged
around among the hymn books and
hats, and hammered the board beneath
the eeat until the minister had to stop.
The sexton came rushing In TO find out
what was the matter, and the Major.
after explaining the difficulty in q whis-
per. asked the sexton to let him lean
on him while he charged ON the front
door. AS Soon as the Major got into
the aisle that dislooated leg kicked the
sexton sixteen or seventeen times In @
most inSolent manner, varying the ex-
erc!ses by making eccentric swoops OF
TO one side, during which it kicked
eight of the high hats ut the pew doors
into black silk chaos.
BY the time the Major reached the
Vestibule tho leg had become perfectly
reckless. 1t few up before and it Eew
up tehind 1t tutted against the good
10. and darted out sidewise, and de-
scribed circles. and tried to insert It's
toes in the Majors coat-tail pockets,
and TO whack him on the nose. When
the sexton came with the hack and put
the Major in 1t the leg banged through
the window-glass. and when the driver
| got down TO eee about it the leg brand-
ished itself in his face, and concluded
the exercise by planting terrible blow
in his stomach. Then the Major told
the driver that he would give him ten
dollars to take the leg off. and the
driver accepted the offer. For several
minutes It eluded all his efforts t. catch
1t as 1t danced about, but finally he got
hold Of 1t and hung ON while the Major
tried 70 unbuckle the straps Then It
came off and rolled the driver in tho
mud. He got up to watch It. 1t
writhed and kicked and jumped and
throbbed and hoped; and whenever It
would mako dash to one side or tho
other the crowd would scatter in order
to give 1t Iull play. Finally Ben Wool
ley set his dog on It, and q most excit-
- Ing contest ensued, the leg two or three
! times running OF with the dog; aud is
seemed likely that the dog would get
whipped. MIR. Woolley got ow-bar
and aimed blow ut the leg with tho
intent TO Smash it. But he missed it
and nearly k He'd the dog AS soon as
tho dog retired, Sir Woollcy whaeEed
1t aga n and burst It into flinders, and
then there was peace. L Ma OK
drove home and got his crutches. and
since then he has confined himself 70
the use Of n wooden leg without
springs. 49, Chicago Herald.