The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1883-07-05
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS.
The Bad Boy Gives His Father n Dynamite
6cnrc-Tho Modern Ducllo-A bad
Fh-NIcsscnGer Boys, Etc.
A BAD FIT.

BAD FIT.
An Austin policeman arrested tramp
who, although otherwise battered and |
torn, had on perfectly new pair Of |
pants, which, however, were entirely too !
short for him.
II believe you stole those pants from
some store. You don't look rs if they
belonged to you"
"I don't belong to them. They be.
long to me-"
tI believe I'll arrest you. Those
pants don't fit you. You pulled them
out of some store;" and so saying the
policeman led off the tramp, who laughed
heartily.
"What are you grinning at ?"
'.Nothing, except I was thinking what
funny place Austin is. In other towns
the police arrest you when they see fit,
but here they take you up when they
don't see fit" and pointing to his uumen-
tionables, that struck him Just below the
knee, he laughed some more.-.1cros
SVtings.
rEoK's BAD Hov.
what was the matter with your
father?" asked tho grocer of the bad
boy. II saw him skipping UP the street
with his hat off, grabbing at his coat tails
as though they were on fire" ooh, that
was only Fenian scare. Nothin' serious,
You see pa is a sort of half Englishman.
Well, pa has said a good dead about the
wicked Fenians, and that they ought to
be pulled, and all that, and when T read
the story in the papers about the explo-
sion in the British Parliament pa was
hot lie said the Irish was running the
whole world. He didn't dare say it at
the table or orr hired girl would have
knocked him silly, cause she is q nirish
girl, and sho can lick any Englishman in
this town. Pa said there ought to have
been somebody there to have taken Tint
bomb up and throwcd it in the sewer be-
tore 1T exploded. He said if he over
should see bomb he would grab it right
mp and throw 1T away where it wouldn't
hurt anybody. Pn has mo read the pa-
pers to him nights, cause his eyes have
got splnters in 'em, and after had read
all there was in the paper ] made up n
lot more and pretended 10 read it, about
how it was rumorcd that the Fcnians here
IN milwaukee, were going TO place dynn-
mite bombs at every house where m
Englishman lived, and at n given signal
blow them all up. Pa looked pale but he
Eaid he wasn't scared.
We got my big black niv rubber
football and painted Dinymight' in
big white letters on it, and tied piece
OF tnlrcd rope to it for fuse, and got
big fire cracker one OF these old fourth
of July horse-scarcrs, and a basket full
nf broken glass. We put the football
in front Of the step, and lit the tarrvd
rope, and got under the step with the
fire crackers and basket, where thcv 90
down into tho basement. Pm and ma
come out tho front door, and down the
steps, and pa saw the football, and the
burning fuse, and he said, Great God.
Hammer, VIC are blowed up and he
started to run, and ma she stopped to
lNok ut it. just as pa started to run
touched off the firccrnclcr, and nv
chum arranged it to pour out the broken
glass on the brick pavement Just as the
tirecracker went off. Well, everything
went just as we expected, except ma.
She had examined the football, and con.
olnded 1t was not dangerous, and was
Just giving it Il kick as the fire cracker
went of, and the glass fell, and the fire.
cracker was so near her that it scared
her, and when pa looked around ma was
tying across the sidewalk, and pa
heard the noiso and he thought the
house was blown to atoms. Oh, you'd
died to see him go around the corner,
You could play croltay un his coat-tnil
But ma didn't scare much. Well, me
and my chum went and headed pa OF or
/ guess he would be running vet. lie
sad he would leave it to me if hc ever
said anything against the Fcuians, and
told HIM he had always claimed that
the Fenians were the incest men in the
world, and 1t seemed to relieve him very
much. When he got home and found
the house there he wn> ticklvd, and when
ma called him cowmd, and said it wns
only a joke of tho boys with football.
he laughed right out and said he knew
it oil the time. and he wanted to see if
ma would be scared. And then he
wanted to hug me, but it wasn't nay
night to hug"
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
Too much 'fection is n mighty 'nouRh
kind oh 'nough. Too much pic makes 0
man monst'os sick.
III mans mine didn't ripen ter suit
de grown ole oh dc body, de fccbcness
Oh one would make de activity oh de nd
der mighty dissatisfied A boys mino
IN ole mans body would be a odd com.
bination.
DE human family is so filed wild pride
IN lite dat de desire for show does not
stop at death. rs often knowed women
Ter perfess 'ligion on dar death bed an
den tell what colored dress dey wanted
ter be buried in.
Ef it tuck as much oh struggle ter
git drunk as it does ter git sober, Incber
would hab laid out in dc rain all night.
lie machinery OBJ dis life is mighty
contrary arrangement. De thing dat
Xersoughtenter do is mighty easy, but de
thing yer oughter 'complsh is powerful
hard. Travclcr.
MESSENGER BOYS.
some OF the papers are making great
hullabaloo because the messenger bows in
the Legislature do not attend to business.
Did messenger boys of any Legislature
ever have such an example set to them
as would show them that it would be
popular to attend to business? We have
never heard of such case, says Peck's
Sun. Legislatures that work an hour a