Connecticut western news., 1883-12-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

ldE tThulp IS BULL bCouTluB tuo cOuh" try. It is the only thing he does SCOUT. THERE is no dispute managed without passion, and yet there is scarce dispute worth passion.
 WOMEN loses considerable time before the looking glass, but man loses more before the social glass.
 ENGLAND is the mistress of the seas, but the numerous forests in this coun- try leave America mistress of the saws.
 CELL, you're lookin' the worse for wearl" "No! !" replied Bill, "but I'm heap the worse for tear. "--HatDkcye.
 IF man empties his purse into his head, no man can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge al- ways pays the best interest.
 WHATEVER difference there may ap- pear to be in mems fortunes, there is still certain compensation of good and i'll ill all, that makes them equal.
 A BURLINGTON boy sent for 0 fifty cent watch and received a sun-dial. He has named it "Faith," because faith without works IS dead.-Free Press.
 DARw1N1AN theory: There is @ boy in Norristown who "sprang from & mon- key" The monkey belonged to an or gan grinder and attempted to bite the boy. ..-E
 A YOUNG MAN, violently in love with a pretty seamstress,. being asked what business he was in, sighed deeply and said: 1T am developing sewing-ma- chine attachment" A NEW YORK man has asked for di- vorce because 8 mustache is sprouting on his wife's lip. As rule it makes a man mad to have any mustache on his wife's lip but his own.- MiddletoWn 7ranscript.
 "MARY," said a mother to her daugh. ter, 'has Henry proposed yet ?" "Not yet, ma, but think he will before many days" "What makes you think so ?" "Because he asked me if you expected to live with me if I married, and told him po."
 DURING the thick fog the other even- ing Com Com took poor blind man by the hand and led him to his door. Telling the story to friend on the fol- lowing day, he cried: "It is terrible to be blind in such fog gw-Boston Courier.
 IN order that your husband may not forget to bring in coal, place the bod near the door where he cannot fail to fall over it. The chances are, by all hods, that he'll not try to scuttle out of his duty, after few mornings gentle reminder.
 ''G1vE ME" said the schoolmaster, "a sentence in which the words a burning shame are properly applied" Imme- diately the bright boy at the head of the slass went to the blackboard and wrote ''Satan's treatment of the wicked is 8 burning shame"
 REASONABLE hint to young men Don't throw any obstacle in the way of your lady friends when they express curiosity about the size of your feet. Christmas is coming, and if you lie about the matter, the chances are your new slippers will be four sizes too small
 SUCH is the encouragement given to fattery, in the present times, that it is made to sit in the parlor, while honesty is turned out of doors. Flattery is never so agreeable as to our blind side com. mend fool for his wit or knave for his honesty, and they will receive you into their bosom.
 AT Q party the other night young man got girl into corner and began whispering to her. It was very weari- some to her, and just as she was about to faint she startled the company by the despairing shriek of "a girl over-bored Y and this brought immediate relief Philadelphia Chronicle.
 STATIONERY POETRY.
 Why did the penholder so tight,
 And let the paper cutter SOP
 When Papa Terry knew 'twant write
 To have ruler for Q beau.
 Why did the inkstand idly by,
 And note that things weren't straight? It should have tried to rubber dry,
 And make the paper weight.
 -Merchdnt Trduele-.
 THE director of the mint advises that the coinage of gold dollars and three cent pieces be discontinued. So far as the gold dollar part of the advice is con- cerned, we do not care; but when the three cent piece is withdrawn from cir culation we shall feel that our financial friend has been taken from us.-Ark. i TraUeler.
 "I AM passionately fond of flowers, y said Miss Fussanfeather to Algernon, the other evening. 1T always have some kind of flower about me-" "Well, I can tell you," replied the devoted AL gernon, "that you must have had mighty mean kind of flower with you last night, for have worked on the lapel of my coat for an hour and haven't got it l all ffyet!" , IT was bitter cold last night, yet we 3 had a beautiful midsummer dream. We , dreamed we were walking in groves and crottoes with beautiful dark-eyed maiden with oh such ruby lips; and as < we were about to snatch kiss we felt @ , shake on the shoulder and heard voice a saying, "George, George Get up and poke the fire" Some women can't let 6 fellow kiss girl even in dream.
 A MERCHANT, after satisfying himself that certain customer did not intend 8 to pay his bill, sent him receipt foi