Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-08-25
~. Stopped sEis Pas Drinking.

"Sav,' said ;hc gr"ccryman man to tho
had boy, Is that youth walked into the
store, II hear your pa is drinking again.
l. it truc?"
EYES, but | guess we've got HIM all
right row; Pas the ScartcSl man You over
saw, =" said the boy.
GLOW did YOU turn him from the error
OF his ways asked the groceryman,
"Wcll, ma tried having the minister talk
to pa, hut pa talked Bible, about taking Il
little wine for the stomaclI's sake, and
gave illustrations about Noah getting full,
So the minister couldn't brace him up,
and thcE had some OF The sisters come and
talh To him, but he broke them al up by
talking about what an appetite they had
tor champagne punch when they were
ont III camp last Sumn.rr, and they couldn't
have amy effect on him, and So ma said
She guessed would have 10 exercise my
ingenuity on pa again. NJ, has an idea
that have got some scnsc yet, so told
her that if She would do Just us said, me
aud NY chWm would scare la 50 lie would
swear of. She said she would, and we
went to work. First, | took pas spccta-
c}gs down 10 an op;ician, Saturday night,
and hal ti;c glasses IJkca uut AMI pair
put in their place that would magnify, and
took them home and put them in pas
SpcctaClc case. Then | got u suit of clothes
from my chun'> unclr'> trunk, about half
The size of pas clothes, Ny chum'S uncle
is a very small man, ANA pa is corpulcnt.
20. a plug hat three sizes smaller than
pas hat, aud took the name out OF pas
La; AMI pat Ii in the snail hat. | got q
shirt about halt big enough for pa, and
rut his initials on the thing under the
bosom, and got number fourteen collar.
L.; wears seventeen. FL had promised To
brace up aul go TO church Sunday morn
ing, &ud Ina Pat these small clothes where
ia coai3 put them or. told ma, when
p:, woke up, to tell pa lac looked awfully
Gloatcd, ri,d excite his curiosity, and then
send for me"
''l ou didn't play such n trick as that on
81 ~ '''' '''''''N ''i'' , "" '''' bhN 49,
Gerry man, Is Il smile came over his face.
You bet. Desperate diseases require
desperate remedies. We'll, ma told pa he
looked awfu}ly hloatcd, ana that his diSS-
jE.;oa was iiling him, rs wen as all the
ret ct tie family. ra said he guessed he
wasn't hloa;cd very much, hut hc got up
and lUt ON his Spcctaclcs and looked al
hiu.plr. lii face looked rs big Us two
faces. .'ron@h Tie glasses, and his nose
WAS 80 si@hr. IA looked scared, and then
lc held up his hand and looked ~ that.
His huud looked Ike = ham. Just then |
camn in, and | Earned pale, with some
chalk on my face, anl l begun to cry, and
said, ~, ia, what ails you: You are so
awcllcd up hardly knew you Pa looked
sicl, to Lis stomach, and then he tried To
get on the pants. O, my, it was all l
could 10 to keep from laughing 10 see him
pull them PANTS ON. He could just get
his legs in, and when l got 4 shoe horn
and gave il to him, he was mad. He said
il Was mean boy that would give his pa
pants wouldn't come around pa into ten
inches, and pa said he must have eat
something that disagreed with him, and
he laid i. to watermelon. Ma stuffed her
handkerchief in her mouth to keep from
lllluc. WHOM she see 81 look at hissclf.
The lcrs of the pants were 30 tight pa
couldn't hardly breathe, and no turned
palo and said, 'lIcnncry, Jour pa is Il
mighty sick man, and then ma AMI me
both laughed, and he said we wanted him
20 Bic SCI We could spend his life Insurance
in riutous living. But when pa put on
that condensed shirt, ina she laid down on
the lounge ANA fairly yelled, and laugh
Ci till my side arhcd J.. rot il over his
head and got lis hands in the sleeTeS, and
caulia't Get il either way, and he couldn 7
see rs laugh, hut he could hear us, audhc
said. It's darmcd fanny, amt it, to have
a parent swciied up this way. Ii bust
You will both be sorry Well, ma took
hold If enc side of the shirt, and toOk
hold of the other, and we pulled it on, and
when PAS head came up through the coll
lar, la; face was fairly blue. Ma told him
she was afraid he would haze stroke of
upovlezy before he got his clothes on, and
guess pa Thought 30 too. lie tried to
g,t lie collar on, but it wouldn't go half
way around his neck, and he looked III The
gl">+ and cried, Ire looked 30. lie sat
down IN "a chair and painted, he WAS so out
of breath, and the shirt and pants ripped,