The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-11-26
THE AurocRAT
OF the Lunch tounter-A HomiIy OF
LRkineaa.

"Heah Yo' ltEy nigssb, drap dem dishes
Can't neber learn y0' nuthin'P Dem dars
enup dishes fur free loads. Put 'em down
an lake one "a time. None yo' lazy trick.
LeAhm
"HtE, that Is funny idea"
whats funny idear?n
"Wby, that the boy IL lazy because he
wants to do more work than you want him
TO-"
"Yass; OATS JIG wat he Is. He'd drader
fetch dem dishts all 7 oncet en- run do ris' o.
smSshen' 'em EN- to KEN back ssberl times
en- gilmore. OATS wat calls lazy"
give me bowl of bean soup and 60 on
with your Grafton"
Comm up.
"NoW; I tel yo', Mislah IsTELESoKSsAH, Is
right about DAT lsZy biz an tell yo' fer wy:
A lazy msn aluz kills h'sself, willie as a sma't
man aluz gitI fat. A lazy man II kerry two
big skuttles OBJ coal up en- de Aft story raider n
60 up an down two times. Considerably, de
lazy man weahs hiSself out In no time, willie
So de smAt man walks up de two times easy
like an feels kemiertable after boat trips.
Now knowed man"
The conversation was here interrupted by
the arrival OF young gentleman OF color,
wearing white dicer hat. light oyercoat, q
dab scarf with glass pin the sizs Of hick.
DRY nut ttsht.fsting pants and toothpick
shoes.
Seating himself deliberately, and ignoring
the careful scrutiny TO which he was sub
jected by the AutoCrat, he rested his open
nand on the marble counter, 30 as 10 display
to the best advantage ring mstchiug his
scarf pin, and, leaning over the coanter,
asked:
"iot snme oysters ~
"Yaas."
"Wsll, see here; want dozen slowed.
Put 'em in the pan with little butter an
let EN- come to boil then season EN- and
pour In about quarter pint o. milk. Soon
as It boils up, you know, It's DONE"
This oral recipe was accompanied by ex
p!essiye gestures. When IL was i9ished
Htz STOOD back and coolly asked:
Wizard yo' cook las p
'Never you min bout the cookin'. You
heard my order"
"Mllk stew for one,n Hsz yelled to tht
cook, and quietly resumed his dtquisitior
Tor the bentht OF the reporter, where he hat
left of:
~ knowed q pohtah at de Mickelnor wa
killed hisself Wild laZIneEs. Fack Yo' see
he kerried q big Sari,ogy trunk up stairs by
hislelf, case he too lazy go n ask fer bel p
Den he went homo and laid down, en- nebel
KEN out de house till dey kerried him out y
la box. He died o. lszinets OATS troo, ant
nothln' else. Doctors didn't know he dice
o. lsZ:nesL see2 K1Z day did'n see IN kerry
de trunk. But ole Hez, he know'd all d.
time nothin' matter wild de niggy but lag.
ness"
"You know what think about your re
marksH asked the dude customer.
"Eaw," said the Autocrat, in his most auto
cratic tones. II doan know en- doan keer
You m one dem lazy fellows yo'sslf, 20 Is
70 too lazy Z hev sense. Is talktn' wild di
genslmGa; doan you inkeFrnp me" >,
ION de Gah, OBJ cose, you spose It's outn d.
Ice box?"
"Htz, you ought 10 go on the lecture plat
form, suggested the reporter.
What, 60 roun de keatry speeding
Not any fer Hez. oae fool s nup on dat lay
fer de ole town 10 suppo't. DAh's Kenne
Kimpl,; he's all W'eelil ken stand. Now e
he'd leetle edication | might tink bout
it-kase I ken talk, dah's no mistek bou
dat Old Htzken tax, yo' hat t admit da
yo's,lf."
Here the absencs OF the boy attracted at
tention, and Hez climbed up and looked int
the sugar bowl. ....
"Wiah de deuce Is dat kid? Heah, 20
Sullivan! Bet yo' he's out In de street spar
rim wild some dem lazy coons. Eber ssnc
be knock out de drunken fellow en- yo' pa
pers call him Sullivan, lie amt happy niles
he's gittin' licked. Ill make de little debe
happur n he eber was afoah ef ketch hin
by de WOOL"
Fearing tragedy the man with the not
book left, first obsying an order from tn
Autocrat:
''Yo' irow yo' money in de sink, and WEI
ketch Sullivan maks him fish 1t out"