The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1883-12-20
pUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The biggest cabbage heads are not al
wa7s the best, but they have the largest
hearts.-Grit.
It is said the dude is the real connect
ing link, but he appears to lean to the
ape side.-Picayune.
Never Judge girl by her color. She
may not be as bad as she is painted.
Statesman.
When Fogg vas asked regarding the
latest additions to the English language,
he said he would ask his wife. She al
wavs had the last word. Boston Tran
script.
Franklin said to the effect that thossa
who take wives takereaEg *
friend of eafs intimates that it is gcSe 50
ally the wife who takes hair.-PhatadsI5 q
gAiG> Call.
a young man in South Carolina, only
twenty years of age, has been engagea
nineteen times. It is seldom that youth
of his age has been the here of so many
escapes.-San Francisco Alta.
B. Maine woman offered her husband !.
at auction, but no one made bid. me
crowd was go kind hearted they couldn't
bear to have the poor fellow knocked
down any more. Coar5er-Journat: @
Ayoung man of this city, violently. IN
love with pretty scamstress, being
asked what business he was in, sighed
and said: 81 am developing sewing
machine attachment. IN 7. Joar1sgar
OUT Oh FIRST &;
"You are so cruel, my pretty maid,
nv heart you have broken" sadly sayed;
"5ad but ycrr heart been soft as your head,
1t ne,erhad hay been broken, sir" she SAID.
"a scientist says that in the moon Q !
/ hickory nut falling from q bough would
crash through a man, like mimic ball.
That settles it. We shall never go to the
moon to gather hickory nuts.-Noristopn
HeraM.
The Egyptians drank beer 1900 years
before the Christian era. But because
they started it so early is no reason why
the American people should keep it up
until three o'clock in the morning. Bur-
lington Hapkeye.
George Washington, in advertising
large tract of land lying along the Ohio
river, said that city would eventually
be built on it. Cincinnati now stands on
the land. Even as land agent, Wash
ington wouldn't tell lie.-Arkansaso
ITaveler.
MARY" said mother to her daugh-
ter, "has Henry proposed YETI" "No
vet, ma, but think he will before many
DAYS" "What makes you think so2"
"Because he asked me if you expected !
to live with me if l married, ana--fT0ld
him nu."-Hotel Maa.
Major Wasson, the defaulting paymas-
ter, wept when they shaved off his beau
tiful blonde mustache in the Kansas pen
ite tiary. The Burlington Rawkeye
thinks it's no wonder, because there are
some BARRIERS in Kansas who would make
an iron man cry if they shaved him.
One three-yrar-old ostrich will yield
$3.50 worth of feathers year. Consld-
ering that an osttich will eat weeks
washing at one meal, if it gets chance,
and swallow few fence pickets for q
dessert, there doesn't seem to be much
profit in ostrich farming. .-NorrastoWn
Herald.
My son." said o Philadelphia father,
whenever you start to do thing never
half do it," "Must I always do both
halves2" asked the hopeful son. YES"
was the reply. And then the lad, who
had stealthily devoured half u pie, sneaked
back into the pantry and gobbled the
other half.
Sweet Mary Ann ha musical tongue;
By day and by night forever she songue,
And oft on her notes her many friends
hongue
But, one day, alas! she ruptured Tongue,
Her music away to the winds was soon
And in JOY her near neighbor hal all the
bells rongue.
boston Transcript.
We saw q young man with two heads
on his shoulder the other day. We
were on the point of trying to make
strike with the dime museum manage.
ment, to exhibit the show, when we
were made aware that it was hardly a
natural curiosity, and not at all rare phe-
nomcnon--onc head was that Of his girl.
-Chieayo Sun.
LIS human nature, human nature;
that's what it is. There arc men who would
placidly and swectly sleep in boiler
works, with hundreds of hammers thun.
dcring away around them, who would
start up in bed, wide awake, if they
heard a tinklc of q few cents as their
wives were going through their pants
| pockets Fall Rirer Adrance.
A Connecticut man has third arm
growing out of his back Oh, of course,
| if he has no wife to attend to his back
when it aches or itches, the best way is
to have another arm They are killing
| off the women so rapidly in Connecticut
that men will be compelled to grow an
extra arm, or back up against the side OF
| house to scratch.-Peck's San.