Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-03-22

Hdiiam AHiagham.
Capital punishment: 81 hear that
DR.. Dix is opposed to the hanging OF
wemen," observed Mrs. Satlnbotham.
"Oh, dare say so, scornfully Clipped
in old Mrs, Pollycarp," who was trifle
hard of hearing; "he's nothing but a
medieval monstrosity."
Six feet tall: There is a young lady
up In Columbia county who is six feet
tall and is engaged TO be married. The
man who won her did it in these words
Thy beauty sets my soul sglow; I'd
wed thee right or wrong; man wants
but little here below, but he wants that
little long"
An inquisitiye temperance man:
Where do the wicked men go who
drink liquor ?" asked temperance lee
turer of small boy at an Austin Sun
day school. Well, some Of them 90
to Bornetield's saloon and some go to
the Iron Front, but the wickedest ones
the legislators always go to the
nearest saloon. If you ask pa, he will
show you where you can get the best
beer"
In a maze: A diner. who has
mad more than his share of the wine,
is carefully feeling his way home at
night, when he unfortunately stumbles
against the circular railing which sur
rounds statue. After having gone
round 1t about seven times, the hope
lessness of the situation flashes upon
him with vividness, and he sinks down
upon the pavement outside with
despairing shrek; "The scoundrels!
They've shut me in here"
A pointer: Boss, 'sposon you was
ter miss, some mornin', dat ar pure
p<nter dog what you paid 5000 for how
much would you gif me if | fetched
him back to yer house on Austin
avenue" asked Sam Johnsing. 81
expect | would give you ten dollars"
replied Colonel Yergor. thoughtfully.
well, den, boss, Jess hand out dat ten
dollars now, an yer won't miss dat dog
in de fust place. Hit will save yer
heap of anxiety about de pup"
Taking it easy: Mr.. O'Raferty has
boy named Mike that for laziness can
not be beaten. This assertion is not
absolutely correct, however, for he is
beaten for laziness every day by the
old man. After one of these sad scenes
between parent and child Mike re-
marked, diemally: 81 persave that
there is no plain of yez. 1t is wishin'
/ was dead, | am" sit is loike YER
SELF" replied the father, "to be wishin'
we was stretched in an expansive and
convaynient coffin, taking it aisy for
the rest of yer life."
Taking time by the forelock: A Kind
hearted old lady, of the philanthropic
kind, strolling about in the suburbs of
Austin, heard the cries of child and
the sound Of blows. Looking over a
fence she discovered that colored
woman was beating one of her children.
"What are you beating that child for ? !"
asked the female philanthropist. Goa
account of de pitcher" was the reply.
"What pitcher ;" "De one l am
gwine to give her to fotch me some
beer" "Theu you are beating the
child about pitcher she has not broken
yet ?" "Jess so. Hits too late to
beat her after de pitcher am done
broke"
A remarkable woman: DIR. Aberna-
thy, the celebrated physician, was never
more displeascd than by hearing a pa
tent detail a long account of troubles.
Z woman, knowing Abernathy's love
of the laconic, having burned her hand,
called at his house. Showing him her
hand she said: "a burn" ga poultice,"
quietly answered the learned doctor.
The Eext day she returned and said
"Better." Continue the poultice,"
replied DR.. A. In week she made
her last call and her speech was length
ened to three words: "Well. Your
fee2" Nothing" said hephysician;
"you are the must sensible woman l
ever saw"