The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-05-31
Mr.. and Mrs. spoopendyke.


preaching his wife with broad grin on
his visage. Say. my dear, Specklewottle's
down stairs in the parlor. He has come to
take dinner with US ~
= Great gracious z" exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and bust
ling up to the glass to arrange herhair
'What did he come to day for? Don't he
know its wash day."
HE came for dinner!p retorted Mr..
| Spoopendyke, turning pale around the lips.
*What dye s'pose he came for, to be
washed? What's wash day got to with it?
Think the man can be soaked in tub and
hung over the clothes line with measly
wooden pin astride the small of his back
Well, he didn't, he came for grub, and you
want to hustle around and get it pretty
lively for him, OF I'll begin to serve up
things myself before longslp Bliss ntsl
"But, my dear" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke. there IS nothing in the house!
The clothes
'sThen serve up the clothes II roared Mr..
Spoopendyke, who had utterly forgotten
the day of the week when he invited his
FRIEND and now wanted his wife to get out
of the scrape somehow, and at the same
time not let him, down with Specklewottle.
| SJust put the clothes on platter and set
| 'em before him!"
''YOu don't imagine he would want to
eat the clothes, do yOu?' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, innocently.
"Just try him, ''yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
enraged at the idea of being taken literal
ly. "Just Try him and sling in some of the
natural grace you always put on at the ia
BILE "Mr. Specklewottle have some of
this fricaseed petticoat ~ and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke held out the legs of his trousers as
woman holds her skirts and waltzed
around the room. Mr.. Specklewottle
have a little of this poached night shirt?
Now, Mr.. Specklewottle, do try one of those
fried socks, and slice of the pillow shaml
Dear Mr.. Specklewottle, pray let me help
you to piece of this shirt and pair Of
stuffed cuffs l made them myself, and
though they are not as good as that the
way to do it ~ continued Mr.. Spoopendyke,
suddenly concluding his remarks with
war whoop, and presenting himself before
his wife all out of breath. ''Think you've
got that bill of fare all right? See your
way to a successful dinner party now? '
There's some cold shad down stairs, and
| think there is a raw ham in the cellar"
Illuminated Mrs. Spoopendyke, regarding
her husband with a startled look of inqui-
no rOt
tie would mind the meat being raw and the
fish trihe cold.
''That's what he wantsI" howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. Bring forth the shad that
froze to death in the house of Spoopendykel
Produce the ham with a crumpled horn
that MIXED the shad that froze to death in
the house of Spoopendykel Develop the
measly banquet and let JOY be uncOnfined!
Amt ye got any more sense than bung
hole. Think IN going to bring the aris-
tocracy here to fatten ON dead fish and live
hogs? How long are you going to let that
man sit down stairs in a state of starva-
ton? Where's that roast beef 1 brought
home the other day ?'
Il think we ate that all up the day it
came home,'' sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
do you mean that roast with the queer
little sticks in it.
''The same, replied Mr.. Spoopendyke,
nerving himself for another ordeal. did
we eat the sticks? Am I to understand
that there is not one dodgasted stick left
of all that afiuent righteousness Lift the
mpenetrable vail of obscurity off the Sc
cluded bower of the shrinking sticks, y he
yelled, as it dawned on him that Speck-
lewottle was in the parlor waiting to be
fed and that the social problem was no
nearer solution than when he started. ''Let
us unravel the mystery that hangs like
pail over the fate of the unhappy sticks,
that they may come forth and fructify
Specklewottle, and in the excess of his
emotion Mr.. Spoopendyke gasped for
BREATH and resting his hands on his knees,
looked as if he was inviting his wife to
little game of leapfrog.
There's some lettuce in the house and
bought some Strawberries to-day, and
could cook the steak | had saved over for
breakfast, mTmTed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
coming out triumphantly at the end, wo-
man like. and | will put on my new
wine colored satin, and we will give him a
nice supper.
Going to put that wine colored satin
on the ham OF the shad ?' howled Mr..
SpOopendyke, who had mans idea that a
dinner is not a dinner until it is roasted.
'"Think [ brought that man here at six
O'Clock in the afternoon to take breakfast?
Got some kind of notion that cold fish,
wormy lettuce, green Strawberries and a
fried COW are going to satisfy the craving
OF man who has just won bet of din
ner on" but here Mr.. Spoopendyke stop
ped short. The last revelation was unin-
territorial.
''Was it bet, dear ?" asked Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, opening her eyes in establishment,
IF had known that, and you had given
me time, would have had nice supper
for you [ really think
''That settles it, squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, mad at himself for what he had d.
vulged and angrier still as he must explain
to Specklewottle how he was fixed. ''When
you commence to think the free list is
entirely suspended. Some day when I
catch you thinking, Pm going to drive
spigot in your head and advertise science
on tap book science dime extra; free
lunch from II to ~
And with this prospectus Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke dashed down stairs and explained to
Mr.. Specklewottle that, owing to Mrs.
Spoopendylle having a severe headache.
they had better postpone the dinner or go
restaurant.
II don't care, murmured Mrs Spoop-
endyke, drawing paper of candies from
an upper bureau drawer. 81 don't care it
must have been very important thing
they bet on, when cold shad warmed over
and nice beefsteak isn't good enough to
pay it. Anyway, he'll be glad of it for
breakfast, and the next time he brings
man here to dinner he II pick out some 9th
day than Monday. Though suppose that
Mr. SnaoLlavUott1a will rO bopoa o,,5 +o1I