The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1883-03-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

DTlgnJ udNo Ill SGOlc- w hOh VlOAO 30
a rush of customers.
Men who get credit for their gooC
works -Watchmaker5.
Seasicl1 passengers are most inclined
TO heave when the vessel heaves to-
LolCeU Courier.
Even an armless man can take
hand in a game Of foOt-ball.-Neu
York Commercial.
The man who thinks himself smart
likes to make others smart. There is
certainly nothing selfish about him.
Boston Transcript.
There sprang a leak in Noah's ark,
And then the dog began to bark;
Noah took its nose to stop the hole,
Hence dogs nose is always cold.
Humane journal.
A recent scientific authority says an
acre of land contains six tons OF
worms. Every fisherman who has
dug for bait on a dry day knows
better.-Hart5ord Post.
1t is related as a singular fact that
fat men never commit crime. IT,
doesn't seem so singular when you
reflect that it is difficult for a fat
man to stoop to anything low.-Lo1oeU
Citizen.
A pretended ghost made its appear
ance in Western town, the other
night, and accidentally ran against
bulldog. The result of the encounter
established, beyond all doubt, that
there was nothing superstitious about
the dog.
Nothing is better calculated to de-
stroy mans equanimity than to have
a lady walk up to him while he is lin
gering near fruit stand and offer him
two cents for an apple, when in re-
ality he is only waiting for a horse
car to come along,
The president of Tufts college was
recently made happy father, and the
following morning at prayer in the
chapel he introduced this rather am
biguous sentence: And we thank
thee. o Lord, for the succor thou hast
given u.s." which caused general
smile to creep over the faces of the
class.-H HaDerhW Gazette.
The sad news comes from Van
Bulow, the great musician, that it has
been found necessary TO place him
under treatment for inCipient insanity.
We trust this paragraph may strike the
eye of the youth who owns the double
barreled accordion, and who seems to
think he holds Il mortgage on the ar
in the vicinity OF our humble domicile
Statesman.
Explaining the tracks: Mistress (who
has long suspected her servant OF haV-
ing follower and thinks she has
caught her at last MARY, your mas
ter wishes TO know the meaning of
those large footmarks; can you eX-
plain?" Mary -"Oh, yes, muml my
sisters been here, and she's got the
gout so bad she has to wear big boots
London JHdH
"Thomas, why have you not learned
yOlr lcssont" asked an Austin teacher
of pupil who was noted for his I'M
pudencc. Because ! did not feel like
it," The reply pleased the teacher inn
mensely. 1t was really refreshing to
hear new excuse, so he sa d:
"Tommy, I'll give you good mark for
your truthfulntss Now, Billy, turn
ing 20 the next by, "what is tn rea-
son you did not learn your lesson =
Becausa | didn't feel like IL, replied
Billy, thinking he, too, would get
good mark for his truthfIlness; but
instead, the teacher took out a strap,
and said: Chilly, I'll have TO punish
your plagiarism. You stole thai an
swer from Tommy."-IeIQs Strings.
FEMALE FIGURES.
Sometimes, boy nattory, she's l.
Sometimes she is ., too;
She's often Sling and, my son,
Sometimes she goes you
Sometime size is 5-ocious quite;
Sometime, aia', shes6
Sometimes she's 10 oar sight,
And doth our souls transln.
Sometime, 10y cannibals, sho'ss,
She often is be-9;
Sometime she is a 10 der mate
In the domestic line.
Sometmes she iust amounts too,
Aud canuot make pic;
And thou il Is tiat we ere TAUGHT
Tint female tgures Die.
| IN T Dolga