Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1883-10-04
Mr.. Jones EnlistS as Cook.

WI. OOlCS Has udu HuitC oh CAPCAi-
ence lately. 1t came suddenly, like the
toothache, and it left the same sort of
indelible impression. The truth is, ne
has been acting as cook. AT first he
thought he knew as much as whole III
telligence office, and he told Mrs. Jones
so when she informed him that Bridget
was going away for two weeks to visit
her sister at East Saginaw.
1--WE must have supply, Jeptha. y
she said in ministerial sort of way.
Il have all 1 can do with the children
and the fall sewing, without doing any
cooking"
Nonsense" retorted Jones; supply
be blamed! Who wants strange girl
rummaging through the house? I'll do
The cooking, Maria! l can cook better
than any woman / ever saw. Ever eat
any of my gingerbread?'
mo, and never want to-" snapped
Mrs. Jones. Il never saw a man that
could cook anything decently yet
"Well, you II see one now. Let me
get up in the morning and get the
breakfast. I'll show you bill of fare, :"
boosted Jones.
The morning came and Jones got up
early and slipped softly down stairs,
intending to get breakfast ready and
give Maria a surprise.
And he did. When the breakfast:
bell rang she went down and stopped
in the doorway to feast her eyes. Jones
had laid the table with Bridget's iron
ing-sheet, and he was rushing about in
his shirt sleeves, with flying suspenders
and red and heated countenance,
pilng up dishes wherever there was an
empty space on the scorched cotton
spread.
care we all left-handcd," asked
Willie, as he called his mas attention
to the knives and forks on the wrong
side of the plates.
>. flush up!" said the father, severely.
''Sit down, Maria, and turn the coffee.
What are you staring at:?"
Il was admiring the cook" said Mrs.
Jones, swallowing pin in her attempt
not to laugh, and she gravely turned q
cup of clear hot water out of the coffee
pot.
..Must have forgot the Coffee num-
bled Jones; accidents will happen in
the best of families. Try the oatmeal. !"
''Didyou -pth?-thrw pth-st-boil
it?'' asked Mrs. Jones, as she slowly
choked to death.
''Do you boil oatmeal porridge?' in
CURED Jones, anxiously; I'm sure my
mother never cooked hers"
''No!" said Mrs. Jones, innocently;
'then she must have had her throat lined
with porcelain. What are these things"
Jeptha?"
Saratoga chips. Maria; don't you
know potatoes when you see them?"
''Oh! l suppose these are what you
call aw natural. | see you forgot to
peel the potatoes before you fried them,"
purred Mrs. j.
"When did Bridget say she would be
back?'' asked Jones, changing the con-
versatiOn.
"Why, she has hardly got there YETI
answered his wife. .sShe won't be back
for two weeks unless her brother Tim
comes"
Jones sighed, and went down town,
where he dined at several restaurants.
1t took Mrs. Jones all day at hard work
to get the kitchen back to its normal
condition, and at night there was a very
light supper. Jones announced that he
would have omelet and hot biscuit for
breakfast, and retired early.
In the morning he was sleeping sweet
ly when Mrs. Jones delivered red-hot
shot into his nearest ear.
"Jeptha,' she whispered hearsely,
s'there' S-thc- fret
"Where?" shrieked Jones, sliding
out of bed and into his clothes.
Naturalization, replied Mrs. j.,
rolling over into a sound sleep.
Jones flew to the nearest box anu
turned in an alarm, and by the time he
got back to the kitchen and had torn
up the whole interior he discovered his
mistake and tried to aPpease the fury
of the disappointed fire department by
promising to set 'em up later. Then
he took an arnica bath and went to bed
for week.
Bridget had just reached East Sagi-
nav and been duly installed as best
guest at her sisters, Mrs. Maloney,
when messenger appeared.
"Howly Moses, it's tallygram," she
gasped, ''phat's broken loose now?" 1t
read:
Your brother Tim has arrived; hur-
nv back at once
When Bridget had redeemed the kitch-
en- from its two days spree, she began
to look for Tim: she hasn't seen him
yet, but as she says: "there's the tally
gram Jones told her to say nothing
as he might have been taken for a sus-
pect. What he knows he keeps to HIM
self.-DetroH Post and Tribune.
Education OF Girls.