National Republican., 1883-09-21
-Courier-JoNrnR.

Island of Jersey"
ToRoNTo girl always sings a song to
chicken before killing it, Then II stretches its
neck for the glisening AK with II patient resigna-
tion rarely witnessed.
"WHY, Smith, what q dreadful state of in
toxlcation you are in" "Thls is n dre'ful state
'toxicaton? Just oughter seeu me Mother night.
This sonly territory to it,"--To,oio Bdde.
THE watering place correspondent is in
n bad fix. No more letters are wanted, and his
trunks may be held over until his last communi-
cation is publshcd.-Ne0 orleans Picdyune.
SOME alarm is expressed at tho great in
crease of unmarried persons in New York. The
divorce lawyers should remember however, that
agriculture is still open to the legal profession.
Too thick underclothing is said to cause
unnatural redness of the face and nose. This is a
gratifying announcement. II can all be laid on
the poor innocent underclothing now.-LoceH Gu
| iscR.
If man in Pennsylvania says, "This il
my wife," the law considers him married. This
announcement goes far to explain the cautious
| reticence peculiar TO Pennsylvania men.-Courier-
| JOuYndl
~ SAY, Bill" growled tramp to his pal,
"what yer going to do for winter quartersY
"Ain't got round to them yet" was the reply;
"Im going for the pennies now, I'll take up IL o
quarters by and by."-Boston Courier.
A PENNSYLVANIA lady, 93 years of age,
milks, washes, ana bakes for family of three
| persons. Tho Courier J0lrnd, says great deal
can be got out of old people II they are properly
managed. Young people do not get half enough
| rest.
THE Boston Globe declares that the reason
the people outside OF that city "make fun of Bos-
ton baked beans" is that "they don't know how to
cook them 1t may strike some people outside
of Boston little odd that "baked" beans should
need cooking -NorristoI0n Herald
II AM fierce for work." remarked the young
college graduate, on his return home. The old
gentleman set him to moving with scythe, and
by dinner time his ardor was so abated that he
suid he guessed he had better sit down aud write
for school. Huntington Free Press.
IT is said of the landlords at the summer
resorts that they get up very early in the morning
and go out and swear fearfully. This melts the
fost, and by the time the guests are ready for
breakfast nothing to indicate the "waning season"
is to be discovered-R Rochester Post Express.
Mr.. SARA BERNHARDT has returned from
the wars, but his wife wont have any more truck
with him. They have drfted as widely apart as
any two Ohio democrats, but what is their mis-
fortune is the public gain, for Mr. Bernhardt cam
not get job at any of the theaters.-C Chicago NeUs
EMMA ABBOTT and her company are now
playing at Fargo. The town is not yet ten years
old, yet Emma caught on powerfully by telling
reporter she was born there twenty-three years
ago. The Chicago News says the problem that
vexes mankind at the present time is not where
Emma was born, but where she was not born.
CHICAGO NetcS: Telegraph advices from the
west end of the big bridge bring the information
that the gamblers are running things i'll st. Louis.
Unless they make more of a bowling success of it
than the rusty old fossils who have been in charge
for the past forty years, they had better go the
| s,,Nl
of Texas.
A CINCINNATI policeman, visiting tho
southern exposition, and seeing long bench,
calculated: "What n bully place to sleepy "But
how could you sleep with crowd passing by all
the time and talking 10 each other?" said by
stander. MY freud," returned the policeman,
, lone who has slept in the midst of dangers is
, never disturbed by ordinary noises"-C0urier
Journal
THE high society folks of Kansas City have
been giving Mile. Rhea grand reception at tho
leading hoel Of the town. 1t being q free afair,
the attendance was multitudinous, pigs feet were
| served in seventeen different styles, and, to use
the language of local print, the occasion was one
long to be remembered Trichiniasis is the only
fatal result to be feared from an ovation in Kansas
City, Chicago NetCS
A COUNTRY editor, after writing powerful
and exhaustive article on the late earthquake in
tho srictest official inquiry be made into this ter
rible loss oflfe and let not the guilty heads es-
= cape that punishment a horror stricken, outraged
0 community demands" And glowing with the
loflest indignation, he strobe over to the corner
place and drank q whisky Straight" without
winking-until he told the man to charge it,
Richmond Baton
Mr.. SHANKLIN, the new editor of the Gin
, cinnau News-JournaE, is very large, powerfully
built man. He was in Washington last winter
i and one day considerable excitement was occa
1 stoned by practical joker who pointed Shanklin
out to group of congressman as Slade, the Maori
For an hour Shanklin was pursued by motley
crowd of gamins and loafeS who noisily admired
his ponderous proportions. If the NetCS-JOurndl
$ needed fighting editor, it could not have found
Q a man more magnihcenly endowed than Shank
5 lin.
o LADY entered ticket Office in Toledo
Il and bought ticket for Milwaukee. She told the
ticket seller that she had never travelled alone
and that her husband had always told her that
she could not without trouble. She desired to
disprove IL by making this trip alone. Accord.
B ngly she asked for and got all the information as
TO tho departure of her train, the change of
in Chicago, checking baggage, &c., and went from
y the ticket office smiling at the manner in which
l. she would surprise her husband. A few minutes
later the ticket seller found the counter the
ticket he had sold her, with the change
Il A CRIPPLED man entered the door yard oi
:. a sensible old fellow and asked for aid. 81 am
y, cripple and cannot work." he said, "and If you
~ will only give few cents to get something tc
v cat will ever remember you" ~ never turn
needy man away from my door, said the old fel
low, showing his hand down into his pocket.
10 "How did you get crippled?" 81 was playing
, base ball and" "Whatl get out Of this yard ol
s I'll cripple you a blame sight worse Can't piol
- up paper without seeing something about YOU
deyillsh game Go on away, or one OF these day
" when you are unable to lift your hand, you'll
look back to the slight ailment which now affect
ia you aud regard 1t by contrast as the happest tm'
OF your illspent life. ."-ArkdnsdO Traveller.
r. THE rabid utterances of Mai. John N. Ed
wards, Of the st. Joseph tNIo.) Gazette, in connec
ton with the trial and acquittal of Frank James
arc exciting some attention. The Chicago Neip
describes Edwards as n man about AZ years of age
re gifted with remarkably ornate and flower!
literary STYLE He served in the rebel army, anC
a. went with shelby into Mexico. Since the failur
a. of the southern and Maximilian causes his lG
has seemed to be pensive broodng-a poet
rambling in the cleaning Of the irrerlevable past
~ Naturally ohvalrous his hero worship has ap
peared to lie in the direction ofhunted and broker
r. bandits and naturally and incidentally, tn
rt hunted and broken democratic patry In appeal
y, auce he Is modest, and his manners Ore rctirin
.s- almost to shyness His sayagery becomes eviden
l,gu f,,h han W,tN, L..