The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-01-10
COMIC COMMENTS.

-Our onward marcn res, the eleos
lric light is great invention" ,nuttered
Flub, as he felt about the door, an every
keyhole should have one."--Boston Globe.
Flnidity Of bread Gimme Ave cents
= 10 buy some bread.s said atramp to we'll
dressed person passing by. eyes, here's a
lime for bread, and-drink my health in it. /"
lie Figaro.
"A cyclonic fact. You never know how
much water an umbrella is capable Of con.
tanning until you accidentally stand it against
the wall and on the pearl colored carpet that
cost IS per yard.-Puok.
Necessity the mother of invention: A
blind pauper implored tramp for the gift
of pair of old pants. "Great Scott |" ex.
claimed the seedy wanderer, ''do rs do |;
get your drawers dyed. - Brooklyn Eagle
AN industrious artist Friend" Mad
DER what is the matter with your nose 2"
Madder--"The only chance for an artist
now is to paint quickly and cheap. ] work
with both hands and blend with my nose
Pstck.
"A Brooklyn catch, A Brooklyn man
nc longer asks another, ON Sunday morn
ing: care you going to church?' The
query now Is: Are you going to hear q
stump speech this morning ?"Norristoson
Herald.
Classical: What are the nine muses.,
pap asked little boy. who was reading
NEUROLOGICAL lore in the lower class g 1t is
when the home nine is beaten in game
of base ball, then tho nine muses. over it,
Boston Transcript.
Placing tho adjective. CLARA Cooking
q 1t the bonnets, etc.. Don't you think
they are very handsomes" Amy Whose
thoughts are on the other side of the street).
+" Very, specially the ono with the black
moustache. w. A,sn.
Lasting Friendships Yes," he re-
marked, George and I are firm friends
have been for many years, and will probably
stay 80 many more. We have solemn
compact never TO speak of each others
faults -LolceH Citizen.
"A Boston bellies idea of botany; Oh
George o Boston gil intensely exclaimed
while gazing at The comet elbow tran.
scendently beautiful and rapturously preo'
ious il IS; should so love to study botany
---Rochester Post Enmsss.
Getting around it "'ris the most ex
separating thug, . said Galino, ITO aad you
have the ticket next to the winning numbel
In lottery. 10 prevent it, when buy 4
ticket always buy the numbers on both
sides of il, oo."--Le figaro.
Theatrical by-play: First old chappie
Think we've time for n cigarette, old chap
pieS" Second old chappie We'll, old
chappie, considering thirty years are sup
posed to elapse between this last act aud tn,
next, ] think we have l"-- London Punch.
Changed: Said Brown, looking abou
the establishment, az don't see Beechel
round How do you get along without him
You told me he was your right-han man.
$50 he was" replied the storekeeper, "hu
now he Is left."- Boston 7raneipt- g
-Bonaparte's death. May ), 1921. -
General Bonaparte dieo. 10 George w.
then in ireland, il was announced. "Sirs
your greatest enemy is dead When Iii
she dep" nsked the king, assuming that
was his wife that had died - Cory's Guide
History.
Hint to subscribers: Subscribers of tn.
boomerang who find cross-bones and skull
with crest Of metallic burial casket drawn Il
blood on the wrapper of their paper will
know that their subscription has expired and
that something has got to be done = Lara.
mie Boomerang
"A geometrical angler. Mr. Wright
went out to fish. And he became wrigh,
angler. He thought he would try and catch
shark. And became try-angler HI
laughed to think how smart he was. And
he became cute angler. But he did moi
see the shark with It's nose under the sterr
of his craft. He was such an obtuse angler
Until the creature tipped over the boat
When he became wrecked angler White
hall Times.
"A modified claim: Kosiusko Murph,
was engaged to be married to Miss Esmeral
da Longcofin, and for awhile they used t,
be very affectionate. OF late he has neg
lected her. His father asked him why b,
had given her the shake. Because found
out she has only half as much property as
thought she had" was the reply "well
Kosiusko," said the old man, "shs is entitled
to fifty per cent. of your devotion, anyhow
You should remember that when you q,
counting some other girl. ~ Teras Siftings
Fun out of figures "See here, that
pretty way to treat % hat" exclaime,
Milligan, as Higgins entered the Office an,
slung Milligan's Derby out of the chair ii
which he desired to sit, causing it to ligh
upon the floor and roll around in the dust
"Five-dollar hat? Ho, ho!" echoed Hig
gins; g what do you mean ~ Mean?
mean just what ! say. That's So hat
The man got it of paid 81 for it and sol,
it to me for IS. I took ii and had it charged
10, you see, the man is S5 out on the bar
gain. "--Lyan Citisea
A Georgia joke: Marshal Peacock wa
seated on the steps Of Joel Smiths store
discussing witha crowd of gentlemen abou
the late Burney-C Clay homicide, when littl
negro came tearing down the street saying
that man had got shot up at Nat Hugh
store. Marshal Peacock commenced q
once to measure space for the scene O.
action. On reaching Hugh's he asked
Nat, I heard down the street that man
bad got shot at your store; where is tho
man? And tell me about it" Nat, in his
usual quiet, indifferent manner replied
Yes; Mart Simpson got shot here awhile
ago. He bought them from me to 40
squirrel-hunting." Mr.. Peacock tucked hid
head IL aoiatey !Soutte,7aer.
KNOWLEDGE OprArNEp--A Charlotte N.