Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-10-06
The Upper Berth.

One of the most difficult things in the
world, next to swimming Niagara, is to
get into the upper berth in a sleeping
car; 1t is a dangerous feat, as we'll as
embarrassing. The upper berth in q
sleeping car is as unpopular rs a green
watermelon. The time-worn saying
that nothing comes by chance is q mis-
nomer. In attempting to storm the
battlements of an upper berth it is .
grave chance if you ever succeed in
forcing an entrance.
Upper berths are very good openings
for gymnasts and sailors. They afford
rare opportunities for them to show off.
1t is a moving and affecting spectacle
to see the fat and habitualiy dignified
head of a family laboriously acquire
possession OF an upper berth. The
trouble usually begins by the old gen
tlcman e~Npostulating with the conduc-
tor for putting him so high up, and he
beggs that gilt-edged official to try and
make a trade with some small -sizedm
who can easily climb up the side of the
ear and crawl inside with little or no
difficulty. The commanding officer of
the quarterback says he will see what
he can do about it, and then he wanders
off into the blue regions of the smoking.
car and shakes dice with the train boy
for a cigar. Meanwhile the fat man
waits and perspires and fumes, and
curses all the officials of the road, from
b president down to the section bosses.
When the conductor saunters leisure
~ back, he tells the fat man that moth
ing can be done no one, he says, will
exchange q lower berth for an upper
no., not even if the fat man will give
something to boot. That is Just the way
in this world as soon as anybody wants
anything it Immediately becomes very
valuable. Then the dignified fat
man giares at the other passen-
gers, and waits until they have
all retired before he tries to get up
into the berth.
There are several different ways of
forcing an entrance into an upper berth.
You an hire the porter for two-bits to
give you a leg up, but this method is
liable to attract attention and excite UNI
generous and sarcastic remarks. The
dignitied fat man has a regular circus.
First swinging himself up by the cutain.
bar, he tries to go in feet first, but he
can't let 60 the rail without tumbline
back again into the aisle. The porter
helps him out of his fix, and the fat
man tries q new deal. This time he
steps on the ear of a sleeping beauty in
the lower berth, and the sleeping beauty
knocks the pins out from under him and
the fat nan retires to the wash-room to
battle his nose and abuse monopolies
and the accommodations of the travel
ing hotel.
Ihnn hn rrnfc fhn y,1,r&n~ - l-s---
camp-stool; he gets up on it, catches
hold OF the brass rod above, and is
about to spring for the berth, when the
camp-stool doubles up, and, in his
efforts to save himself from coming
down with a ''dull thud" on the floor,
he wildly grabs the bell cord, and that
stops the train, and the passengers
all wake up and use more language,
and the digniied fat passenger even
wishes he was dead or that he had more
clothes on. Finally he manages to
crawl into the upper birth, and he boils
over with malicious thoughts and sim
lister desires for the bankruptcy of the
railroad company. 1t is a full hour
before he relapses into slumber, and
then the conductor comes along and
punches him and his ticket, and chen a
horrible suspicion flashes across him
that the berth may become loosened in
some way from its catch, and spring up
against the ceiling of the car andsmother
him. He sleeps no more until daylight,
and then he has to jump up and dress
h~urriedly, for the train is running into
the city.
A good stretch on the longitudinal
cushioned seats of the caboose of a
freight train is many points ahead of
the best upper berth ever invented for .
palace sleeping-car, and we don't care
who knows it.-Ieras Sit1ings.