Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-03-30
NUMBER 1168.
WIT AND HUMOR.


more beer.
No matter if the postage is reduced
it is Just as much trouble to lick a
two cent stamp as three cent one.
A Western woman named her girl
baby after noted lady and wrote to
her about it. The lady sent thick,
heavily sealed envelope, mot to be
opened until the babes thirtieth
birthday" 1t was terrible revenge
! to take.
A Cincinnati man who dreamed
that he was dead and in hell says he
felt perfectly at home there.
The editors of Puck kept an Office
goat to eat up bad contributions sent
in, but when the animal displayed a
hankering for their own copy. they
felt the slur keenly, got mad and
drove the animal forth with clubs.
AS wee miss was accompanying
her grandma and aunty across the
green yesterday she suddenly stopped.
"What are you stopping for, Paul
ine?" asked one of the ladies.
Grandma and aunty. 1 must stop
to shiver," was the reply of the half
frozen little girl.
A member of the LIE eyislature ex-
plains the fact that on his salary of
81, 900 he had in one session saved
$4,000 by saying: Its all OWN to
my wife's bein' economical in not
keepin' hired girl that we've saved
| SO much
A Syracuse COW was run over by a
railway train and one Of her hind
legs cut off. Her owner, a skillful
surgeon, healed the wounded stump
and put on wooden leg, upon which
the COW now stumps around very
comfortably. If this be true, and it
probably is. the only trouble will be
that when that COW is butchered to
make a Roman holiday one of the
quarters won't have any handle.
"Oh, yes,o said the contented man,
Il am just as well satisfied that my
horse isn't as fast as some. When I
owned a trotter that could get away
with anything on the road 1 was in
front all the time and didn't half
enjoy myself. Now I am behind
most of the time and can see all the
fun"
A Texas editor woke one night to
find burglar in his sleeping room
over the printing office. 'What do
you want here?" shouted the Texan.
Money" was the concise reply.
Fly round them" said the editor;
I'll go halves on all you can find
here
Colonel" said man who wanted
to make out a genealogical tree,
Colonel, how can I become thor
oughly acquainted with my family
history!" "Simply by running for
Office answered the Colonel.
You would not have me young
again, would YOU" asked a fond
wife of her equally fond husband.
No, indeed" was the reply; ''your
temper gets better every year."
A girl may have No. 10 hands, and
yet when she sits for a picture she
doesn't put her hands in her pocket
she hides them beneath $40 fan.
Human bones have been found in
the debris of the old Postoffice in
New York. They are supposed to be
the remains of people who were reck-
less enough to bother the stamp
clelk while he was reading the last
novel.
We are told that the fashion in
swearing is changing. Lett it! When
we fall down on a coal hole and
make ourself sore all over, the good
old-style profanity, that will daunt
the obstinacy of mule, is good
enough for us.
At an auction sale of old Govern
ment medical supplies, at st. Louis,
among other things one man bought
1865 pills for thirty cents. A local
paper says: "The books and instru-
ments sold have been used before,
but the pills were entirely new."
An italian, playing a concertina,
approached two bull dogs that had
just joined in an unfriendly wrestle,
and the music scared the dogs so
that they let go their grips, turned
tail and fled. And the crowd was so
mad they didn't know what to do,
but they finally mobbed the musician.
Not long since smart seven year
old son of one OF our preachers, after
service was over and the family had
returned home from church, said:
Papa, do you ever look at me
while you are preaching?"
The father, thinking that he was
little hurt by supposed neglect, said:
Certainly, my son, I often look at
you and think of you when I am
preaching"
ala"
Eyes, I did, son, several times"
said the father.
well, papa, did you see me wink
at you two or three times?"
mo, my son. What did you wink
at me for when was preachingf"
Il winked at you, papa. to get you
to stop; you We're spinning it out too
long"
Love looks through spectacles
which make copper look like gold,
poverty like riches, and foul tears
like pearls.
Malaria is no longer fashionable.
1t is called by some other name; to
pronounce it would break a man all
up.
Tom Thumb is little fellow, and
no mistake. When rescued from the
Milwaukee fire he began bewailing
the loss of his diamonds. On the
other hand his wife went to work to
alleviate the suffering of the wounded
TREEs.-Certain kinds of trees, if
placed in malarious district. will
neutralize the dangerous effects of
impure gases. The gum bark trees
of Australia belong to this order.
Another tree has been mentioned,
| which ShOul1 If IL will norfor,, Az