New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-02-07
WIT AND HUM0R.

The girl who is caught by masher
loves not wisely but too swell
Dogs are more hardy than men. They
can 60 without their pants in Winter.
In spite of protests the waltz still
holds its own. Love rules the whirled.
The first big fish story-That Of
Jonah.
Bugle trimmings are recommended
for windy day.
How are your" asked New Yorker.
''Bene!' replied the Bostonian.
The first ''wail of despair must have
been when Jonah was swallowed.
Tho man who travels under an alias
may boast that he has made name for
himself.
Nothing can now prevent the Indians
from breaking out. They have learned
how to make buckwheat cakes.
A bonnet this season, in order to be
of any account, must have i've contrast
ing colors to correspond with the chang
ing colors on the face Of the man who
foots the bill.
She went into shop to buy some tot
let soap, and while the shopman was
expatiating on its merits about made
up her mind to purchase, but when he
said it would keep off chaps she said
she didn't want that kind.
The colored preacher who was shot
at Chattanooga, the other night, while
stealing potatoes, had been trying to
live on u salary of two dollars per week.
A preacher can't stand an empty
stomach any better than other folks.
First young MAXWELL, did you
make the acquaintance Of that strange
girl you were raving over?" Second
ditto-''Yes, followed her home" First
young man-..How did she strike youp''
Second ditto ''She didn't at all; ahe
got her big brother to do it,
A well-proportioned woman should
have body six times as long as her
feet. This, according to Z Detroit So
chitect who claims to know, was the
old Grecian rule, and, as no man oaa
ont with tape-line and measure away,
the women are safe.
A Philadelphia man who lost his left
thumb and fore6nger in planning mill
has had very good substitutes for them
made Of rubber. There is . fortune in
his misfortune. All he need do to get
rick is to hire himself out to tack down
carpets.
Have you ever before been punished
by the lawp" asked an Austin Justice OF
colOred culprit, ''Yes, I called man
q liar, and I had to pay fne." us
that TIE only time, you have come in
conflict with the lawP' .'Now dat yer
speaks oh hit, jedge, bleeves was in
de penitentiary for ten yeahs, if I disre-
member myself.
It was election time, and little Glynp
heard much talk about men who were
running for Office. One day, his moth
er noticing him run from one place to
another, asked, what are you playing
now, Glynnp' He replied, .'Oh, am
not playing at all. am running for Of
fce."
"Howdy, Sam, how is you?" mid
lin. midlin. Jerry, how is it with youp''
Similarity; thank you Sam" ''Simi-
larity! dat 10 new word broke out in
our neighborhood dis morning, and it Is
ketching; everybody got it. Take dat
word similarity home and have her
stuffed
'Protoplasm,' remarked the proies-
,or, lis composed of carbonic acid, wa
Ter and ammonia, in which compound
the water largely predomint tcs. r.
what conclusion does this lead7'' The
pupil was boy, and not easily stag.
gered. He answered: sit leads to tho
conclusion that dad nevor takes any
pretoplasm in his'n."
A good and sufficient reason Is what
every man ought to have for his con.
duct II we cannot have quite that,
then let US have the next thing to il,
namely. a reason which is perfectly sat-
isfactory to ourselves. For instance,
'tClose up. boys; close up!'' said : coll
3nel t.. his regiment. IF the enemy
were to fire on you when you are strag-
Cling along that way, they wouldnft
tnl 2 single man Of you Close upr'