The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1883-04-26
BECOME, DULL CARE.
What the Funny Fellows are Saying In the New
papers

What the Funny Fellows are Saying In the ysus-
papers.
What's in a name? Custom House official
(holding up two black bottiesl - / thought YOU
SAID you had wearing apparel only in this trunk
What are these p Lady-'S So did. Thoseare
my husbands night eaps."-LJs.
young lawyer appeared before a Washing
ton Judge with MS umbrella under his arm and
ms hat on, and, in his agitation he forgot to lay
elmer aside when be began speaking. Hadn't
you better raise your umbrella % the court
kindly uggesEed.-Harper's Bazaar
Every time we happen to think Of It. we al
ways feel glad we are not an ancient Roman
The clothes seem TO be airy enough and they
appear TO lit easily, but it must have been very
trying to be compelled to talk in blank verse
all the time.-BayliagtOs HaHkeys
The dude and the maiden @Aw, hev such
dwedful cawld In me head, . remarked an Ivy
street dude, as he strOked the tender tin OF his
nose yesterday. Better that than nothing
was the witty but cruel response Of a Peach
tree street maiden who heard him.-AHaasa
Constitution.
He was at breakfast, wrestling with piece
o. remarkably tough veal His wife said 20
ihsa: . lou always said there's something TO be
thankful for IN everything. / fancy you'd be
puzzled to ind something to be thankful for IN
tsAaS wal -tOS at ali. was LAINElnG how
grateful we should be if we met it when It was
young"
Rector (recently appointed to new parishl
meeting old man well, Thomas this is a
most healthy and beautiful spot, and people
seem to live to great age here. should think
folks hardly ever die here"
Thomas well, sir, it's generally the last
thing they do, sir, here. London PaacE.
Unfortunate little Levi: why so gloomy
this morning, JacOb?" All nv Door leetIe
benjamin Levine is dead ~ Dead? You
surprise NE. How did it happenT' well, YOU
see, my leetle Penjamin he vas at Ter synagogus
to say his prayers, and poy put in his het at
der toOr and CRIES Job lot ? and leetIe PEN
Jaml1-he vas gilt IN der Crush. Life.
A practical suggestion: Said a selfsatisfed
young man Really, I don't know what
shall DO, with all the girls after me so. 4 fell
low can't be absolutely rude 70 them, Won know,
even If they do follow him up and constantly
force opportunities to propose, you know. I
really cant marry them AL, YOU know, and
what can I do old boy? % Z" Easy enough skin
out to Utah and telegraph for the whole gang,ii
answered his practical friend-LorsB Citizen.
A darkey turns States evidence: Hole on
heahp exclaimed q negro on trial for stealing
| q saddle. Hole on heah, Jedge, for Pse gwine
ter turn States evidence right here" How
can you turn States evidence when yOu are
the only one eonceFnedT" asked the Judge.
Don't make no difference. Use gwine to
turn States evidence right heah an doan yer
self commence ter forgit it, Ef / turn dat eyi-
dence an show yer 'xaetly who stole de saddle,
yer1 low me to go about my business, won't
yer, Jedge?" Certainly, sir; If you can turn
States evidence and tell Us exactly who COM
United the theft the law win grant your hber-
alton" All right; heah's fur de States evil
dence. | stole de saddle myself. an er good
day. gentlemen" and he walked out of the
court room before the officers could sufficiently
recover from their surprise to detaiu him.-Ar-
EaBsGW TraCe5eT.