Bismarck tribune., 1883-09-21

licences week.
A KENTUCKY girl refused an offer of marriage
+ on the ground that her father couldn't support
any larger family.
SCHOOL houses are great benefit to the south.
A Florida man recently concealed himself in
one to shoot an enemy.
GEBHARDT rays that Mrs. Langtry cost him
Sl75, 900; and abe can't trot nearly 80 faat as
aome of his cheap horses.
AcoMMrTrEE has been appointed to investi-
gate the American hog, and is vested with full
power to send for hogs and papers.
TEE greenback campaign has already opened
In Iowa. General Weaver has had = row with
preacher in Des Moines street car.
Mr.. suRRENcy, Minnesota man, killed thirty
rattlesnakes last week. The story cannot be
doubted, as Mr.. Surrency vouches for it him
self.
ALTHOUGH the polls have olosed, Georgia
comes timidly forward with IN apple which
weighs ~ pounds and is fourteen inches in
B. circumference.
Il STAMPS are running low in the Duluth post
Office, and the postmaster asks the people, as y
personal favor to let up little on letter writing
for the present.
The thorough inspection of the Bismarck
+ bridge lust before the Willard excursion was
! due to the fact that David Davis was expected
to be:with the party.
III CARTER HARRISON says he will not return to
h Chicago at present. He has probably learned
] through the papers that Moody is holding re-
II vival meetings there.
MRS. Van Corr has begun series of revival
meetings in Lawrence, Mass. She had her eye
OH Boston until Ben Butler got scared audi put
out to sea in his yacht. 49,.
a- De. Do LEWIS having advised that Ameri-
cans should retire at 6 and rise at s, the Hart
ford Post accuses him of keeping Americans up
till 10 to listen to him lecture.
EMMA ABBOTT opened the new opera house at
Duluth last night, and her bird like tones
caused the ears Of the average Duluthisn to hang
down to his knees in sympathy.
AFTER all the preparations for q grand cele-
bration, the Willard party will not visit Duluth.
This is enough to make the good MIR. Mitchell
renounce his anti.nell belief, at least for time
MADAGASCAR has been ruled by women since
1928, and the poor, down-trodden male martyrs
have endured their sufferings with sheroism
that should attract the adm iration of the world.
EXCHANGE: sagaoious Ohio lady is pasting
in her scrap book all the comments of the oppo.
sition press about ber husband, who is a can
didate for Office. in time of peace prepare for
war;
ST.. PAUL DISPATCH: When any of Wizards
guests are asked what distinctive feature of
American life they are mostlfavorably impressed
with, they invariably reply: "The American
GIRL" The old mashers
changes his.war dress for one of mourning
The red man sometimes displays q rare intel
ligence and far seeing intuition, as it were, that
makes us feel far beneath him.
AMED1cAL advertisement says red noses are
often caused by dyspepsia. By the immortal
Jove, there's the excuse this country has been
prospecting for ever siRce the dawn of creation.
What q nation of dyspeptics We are!
CHICAGO Times: The Indians out west called
Senator Dawes, one of the members of the In
dian commission, "The-mau-who-goes-t sleep.
st.ndine.up." In the senate, however, it is the
other people who 60 to sleep when Dawes stands
up.
'TB growing cold and chilly,
And Mary Jane and Willie,
No more upon thc1frcnt stoop chew their gum;
Gone the buzzing hy's wierd chorus,
And mosquitoes cease to bore ~,
And the humble bee no more doth sweetly bum.
HAVING made 80 many disastrous attempts to
reach tho North Pole, would it not be wise for
.nr government to seek hazardous amusement
nearer home? Lot it it ont IN annual expedi-
tion to swim the Niagara whirlpool. This will
. come much cheaper and pan out fully ~ much
gloomy horror.
WITH one mad jump
A great big lump
Sprang up into his wizzen-
A longing thrill
His soul did fill
Az he wished that abe was his'n.
She also gazed,
In manner dazed,
Her heart with love did burn;
She'd cheerful give .~
Her right to live. ...-l-
If he was only her'n. .... ....., .->
t,osroN PosT: A Colorado man who expected
HI rang of lynchers to come for him about the
n,;ddle of the night, took himself to the cellar,
leaving pet grizzly bear in his place in bed.
The lvnchers didn't bring any light, but made
4 ,.,v plucky attempt to get the bear out and
,ynoh il, but gave it mp after three Of them had
- n eve apiece, two had suffered the loss Of
81 ,ob, chewed off, and the other fix more
III @ lesa deprived Of skin. That man now has
,enerd dous reputation as fighter, and the bear
Il didn't 1 mind the work one bit.