The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1883-12-27
MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS AND
THINGS.


1t takes faith to execute deed of
trust.
Gilpin reading in d paper tn 1t "facts
are stubborn things" says there's no
particle OF doubt that his wife is "A
fact.
Boned turkey can be served in a
NUN n cfwa, 5. and all ar good; but
what this world is longing for is IT.
cipe for boned shad.
After boiling a ham remove the
skin, sprinkle the top with sugar and
put in a hot oven tn brown. Have the
oven very hot. as trickiDa are pretty
tough.
Venltian blinds are coming into
style again. Their popularity arises
from the fact that they keep the man
of the house at home every night
mending them.
There are no nice little stories about
the return of "The Prodigal Daugh-
ter" The son can return and have
the finest veal served up for him, but
the daughter must stay away.
To remove egg stains from silver
spoons take little-but it is not
worth while to give this rec pc. Very
few people now -a-days can afford to
have silver spoons and eggs too.
When making a morning call carry
your hat with you to the parlor and
hold it in your hand until you depart.
The city is full of sneak thieves, and
hat racks are their favorite prey.
"Ezy English is our vurnakular az
spoken bi akurat, kairful skOlars,"
writes professor of he new method
of putting up the language. Artemus
Ward and JOSH Billings appear to be
marching on.
A correspondent, who is evidently
something of skeptic. asks: Would
science allow Jonah to live three days
in the stomach of whale?" Science
has nothing to do with it. Ia those
days there was no such thing as SCI
ence.
1t is said of old Bill Travers that
lately finding his wife had again
changed the matches, he endeavored
to light her fine-tooth comb on the
wall, and being reproved, said: swell,
tooth is stronger than friction"
Sarah" said a mother to her daugh-
ter, "has Henry proposed yet? ?" Not
yet. ma; but l think he will before
many days." What makes you think
SOP" because he asked me if you
expected to live with Inc if married,
and told him no."
A Missouri farmer gave his neigh
bors griddle cakes and biscuits baked
in four minutes and a half from the
time the wheat Was standing in the
field. And yet if you order griddle
cakes and biscuits at a tirst-clasS no
tel you don't see the waiter again for
three-quarters OF an hour.
Can you tell NE what kind of
weather we may expect next month ?"
wrote farmer to the editor of his
country paper, and the editor replied
as follows: at is my belief that the
weather next month will be very like
your subscription bill" The farmer
wondered for an hour what the editor
was driving at, when he happened to
think of the word unsettled" He
sent postal order.
Henry Wizards palatial residence.
now being erected in New York. will
cost, unfinished, fully 100000. 1t
is the first attempt to reproduce an
Italian palace in this country. and
critics say that IL Tar SurpaSSeS the
Vanderbilt houses, both in its magnif-
icence and in its design. 1t will not
be finished until January, though Mr..
Wizards family expect to take up
their residence in it within fort
night.
Attorney General Brewster has
probably the most tastefully ar
ranged office in Washington 1t is
on the second floor of the old Freed
mans Bank building, looking out
upon Fifteenth street, Pennsy lvania
avenue, and the White Hou u
grounds. In the centre of the room is
AN ella orately carved tlat-topped ma
hOgany desk, at which the attorney
general sits and signs his name with
quill pen. Mr.. Brewster usually
wears velvet jacket in his office
The high school girls brother Jim
told her new conundrum yesterday.
1t is this: What is the difference be-
tween shooting il man and killing
hog ~ The answer was: Zone is as
saulting with intent to kill, and the
other killing with intent to salt"
When she met Amy she propounded
the conundrum to her, but Amy gave
it up. well, I'll tell you, said Mil
dred. Zone is asSaulting with intent
to deprive of life, and the other is
killing with intent to preserve the
brine" And Amy failed to see the
point.
Don't expect all people to be your
friends. You don't want them. You
haven't any need of them. Don't sit
down in misery if somebody does
speak i'll of-yOu. 1t won't kill you. 1t
won't shorten your life. And, as
general thing, it won't affect your
character. For all people who have
any worldly wisdom at all, know that
no individual can live in this world
and not have ill-natured things said
about him. 1t is one of those evils
hich We have TO take along with
flies, MOSQUITOES, and tleas, and thank
our stars That it is no worse.
Don't borrow money of your friends.
II always destroys friendship. Dent
ask faVorS OF YOUR relations. Don't
wait for a dead mani shoes. Don't
buy lottery tickets Don't ,lahble in
mining stocks unless youlive on Wall
street. Don't look Tor uumitigaCed
goodness in anybody. Don't be sur
prlsed if the man who filings birthstone
and condemnation at sinners most
heartily i'll ytur prayer-meetings
should turn out cheat and swindler. |
And don't trust such man, anyway.
any further than he is bound in black |
and white.
A Confederate Ball in RE mOnd.
Richmond Va Dispa*ch