The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-01-11
SELECTED MISCELLANY.

You can induce boy to eat tar by
forbidding him to do so.
Langtry says 81 am not pretty; am
beautiful" and we suspect she half tells
the truth.
A quack doctor would look with dis
gust upon a present of a cane with
ducks head carved upon it.
There are 100000 Masons in the
United States, and not more than half of
them claim to be the oldest.
English papers seem to be as densely
ignorant of American politics as the
politics of their own country.
1t is now in order for the youth who
smoke cigarettes to form a league re-
fusing to kiss the girls who chew gum.
"What would you do, Mr.. H. if your
wife died?' asked Mrs. d. NJ. H.,
(who is very methodical -"I would
bury her."
The man who claims to have seen
rainbow after dark should prosecute the
liquor dealer who sold him his varie-.
gated concoction.
So much fun has been made of the
Clubs" favorite food, that Bostonian
feels fattered when told that he doesn't
know beans"
He who carries horse chestnut in his
pocket to keep Oft rheumatism is the fell
low who is afraid to look over his left
shoulder at the moon.
An artist remarks, 1.-THE best part of
beauty is that which cannot be ex-
pressed" We always thought that pow
der and rough we're sent by freight.
Convict this man of being a gam
bler?" said the Texas Judge. II won't
hear of it. He's an infant in cards! Why
beat him out of $120 last night-when
was pretty drunk, too.
A good old Quaker lady after listening
to the extravagant yarns of person as
long as her patience would allow, said
to him: Friend, what pity it is sin
to lie. when it seems 80 necessary to
your happiness"
"But how did you happen to lose the
nomination? A majority of the dele
gates were in favor of you and every
body supposed you would be a candi-
date" $50 did 1, and it was all owing
to certain man being taken unex-
pectedly ill.," "What MANI" 1.-The man
l hired to get the boss drunk"
Edward, what do I hear-that you
have disobeyed your grandmother, who
told you Just now MOTTO Jump down those
steps?" "Grandma didn't tell us not to,
papa. She only came to the door and
said: L wouldn't Jump down those steps,
boys And l shouldn't think she would,
an old lady like her."
A beautiful young woman, whose veil
caught fire in Troy, N. Y, church, re-
Gently, was rescued by the youthful Of
ficiating clergyman, who wrapped her in
his robes supply-several elements of
romance-but the usual consequence is
rendered impossible by the fact that this
girl was the "bride of the church" and
her rescuer priest.
A stranger dropped in one morning at
a Washington drug store and called for
q bottle of Congress water. The intel
ligent clerk .ducked beneath the counter
and promptly produced bottle of old
Monongahela. The customer tasted it,
and then, depositing his glass, remarked,
do you call that Congress water?"
That's it," answered the pill-com-
FOUNDER, smiling pleasantly. Every
congressman who comes in here drinks
it,"
evil you please pass the Shem?"
asked quiet man at lunch counter.
Haven't any?" squealed the girl in at
tendance. "Some Japhet?" qeried the
quiet man again. Don't keep It'll"
squeaked the damsel. ~ say" Clipped
in curious passenger, what do you
mean by Shem and Japhet?" Nothing"
responded the little man dolefully, only
the Ham is so old and musty that
thought the rest of the tribe must be
around somewhere, and I'd like to see