Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-17
PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE.

| ..
Never amended from within the ranks
and but slowly from without, it must at
least never be violated The exceptions
to 1t are the fewest, and are only con-
cerned where some other established
code, by coming into collision with it,
gives seeming fertilization.
You will find no end of curious things
written about the marriage proposals if
you search for that purpose. For in
stance-that eccentric classical charac-
ter, who goes into the kitchen of a
neighbor some morning. and, finding
the object of his regard at the washtub,
proposes bluntly, then and there. IN
| stead of emptying its contents upon him
as she should have done, she bluntly
accepts his proposal. There is the bash
| full suppliant who turns down leal
| about some passage-usually q sacred
one-which tells his story for him, and
| the answer is returned in similar fash
! ion. There is the proposal at ball or
| dinner by slip of paper sent across the
room or table, and there is the one in
| which the reply is asked in the form Of
some specified and understood signal. In
some book that have read, an Eng
| lish gentleman who had several
eligible daughters wondered, after wait
ing some years for some such event,
why no one of them, not even the pref
test got proposal. When he inves,
tigated the matter thoroughly he found
tural blunder. The rooms Of his house
were so connected together by series
Of open doors ahd spacious mirrors, that
the question could not be put without
exposing it to almost as smuch soecular-
ity as it would obtain on q public thor
oughfare.
It is quite common for very young
ladies to say that their first serious III
terest in any young gentleman is aroused
by his previous interest i'll them-con-
Tossing, in other words, that they have
no original feeling in the matter. They
would not, probably, like to say, what
amounts to about the same thing, that
one gentleman is as likeable or as agree
able to them as another, though they
must constantly act as if it it were so, IN
til some particular gentleman breaks the
spell and gives them permission to say
otherwise. But, what ifthe righteous one
should never break the SPELL as often
happens? Or W hat, if neither the right
one nor the wrong one does, and no OPP
now arranged, this is not at all rare
circumstance, nor is the lady less worthy,
necessarily, than her differently favored
sisters She may even be more worthy,
but may have lived more quietly, Or may
be deficient simply in that peculiar art
of fascinating which even silence can
not prevent from being powerful.
One of the worst features of this un-
mitigated silence which is imposed upon
one sex alone is the insincerity and hyp-
ocrisy which it not only inculcates, but
places premium upon. Nothing irri-
tates O woman so much as to have any
ground given for suggestion that she
Las gone step out of her way TO secure
gentleman's interest or attention. She
would rather be won by a peasant than
move the least bit agresslveiy to win
prince. Her natural feelings are smoth-
cred and suppressed, and she accepts
the artifce which she must put on, as II
it were both reasonable and natural,
/ shall hear in reply-in fact, l have
heard imaginatively between every two
lines I have written-some such ques-@
ton as this, in the voice Of Mrs. Grun-
dy, "What, would you have modest or
delicate young lady 60 to a gentleman
housse or office, and ask him to marry
herr"
The question is always supposed to
Quash the antagonist, and close the dis
cussion. But does it close it? Is there
no such thing in this world as the mid
die grcund-==as an intermediate course?
IF a color is white, is it necessarily
black? May there not be half dozen
foothoids and vacancies between eX-
tremes? If this performance which is
believed to be the only alternative 10
tn. matter, is an absurdity, OH any 9th
er than conventional grounds, does 1t
amend it any to entrench ones self IN
the shadow of another absurdity?
My impression is that matters OF de.
tail will take care of themselves, and
will shape themselves into comely and
graceful forms. The tact, the fine feel
ing, the artistic fitness of things, one
may say, which have had back ground
of centuries for cultivation under bonds
and disadvantages, will not fail any the
less to show themselves when the field
is widened aud extended. / should as
soon believe that water will cease to run
down hill, or that gravitation will some
day reverse the order of motion, as to
suppose that the weakening or abolition
of rigid law of etiquette, would trans
fer the nature of half the human race.
For, not in these things, but far deeper,
is the beauty of girlhood and woman
hood. If it were not SO, we might in
deed despair of the continuance of beau
ty in the world, and all that belongs |
with it.
l do not know whether Thackcray |
ever expressed himself directly on this |
subject; but, if he had, how he would |
have pierced tho joints and weak places |
in the armor which fashion has encased |
in it. With what remorseless iron6 he |
would have penetrated all the futile, !
pretentions that have reared themselves |
around it. If he has given us no |
thoughts on this theme, he has at least |
in several places iostled against 1t. On
the general disabilities of women he
says, Henry Esmond: "Tis a hard
task for women in life, that mask which |
the world bids them wear. But there is
no greater crime than for woman who
is ill-used and unhappy to show that she |
is so. The world is quite relentless !
about bidding her to keep cheerful j
face; and our women like the Malabar |
wives, are forced to 60 smiling and
painted to sacrifice themselves to their
husbands; their relations being the more
eager to push them on to their duty, and
under their shouts and applauses, to
smother and hush their. cries of pain"
1t is not very likely, / admit that
any such revolution as l have limited at
will occur in our generation, however
grievous the disabilities of woman
may be; but, when we consider that
some of the Civilizations which are not
Puritan and Anglo-Saxon, have media
torial methods of bringing about mar
riage-in which third parties play the
chief part-it is no lunacy to suggest
that modification may be produced in
time, in our habits, when we become
more in unison with the.rest of the world.
It is certain that, even now, the mar
rage proposal, as it exists here, is as
to French ideas. as any other
mode than ours is to us. If we can out
live this conviction, it viii doubtless be
by exceptions, and by degrees. Let us
hope that some day, by the
quiet and delicate intermediary of
some wise tribunal-if not Otherwise
young lady or woman may secure
privilege ofchoice in matters ofthe high
est consequence that can only now hap