Ellsworth American., 1883-07-26
A Mixed Shampoo and Drink.

A practical joker of the worst kind who
never let's an opportunity slip to make some
enc happy, one afternoon last week, when
the sultry, hot atmosphere made every one
sleepy, dropped into barber shop on the
Avenue to get shaved. He found the bar
Der stretched at full length in his chair,
doing peacefully, with a calico apron
thrown over him to keep OF the hungry
flies. He gazed on the sleeping man, and
seeing that his slunber was sound, quietly
took the tonic and bay rum bottles off the
shelf and slipped out of the shop. Mex,
door to the barber shop is a saloon, and in
to this he entered with the bottles in his
pocket. The bar tender was in the back
end Of the saloon watching a game Of pool,
and before he got behind the bar the Joker
had exchanged the BARRIERS tonic and bay
rum bottles for the bar keepers bottles of
absinthe and bitters. The liquids and bot
ties exchanged looked almost identical. SO
the bar-keeper did not notice the difference.
After drinking a glass OF beer the joker
went back to the barber shop and substi-
tu,ed the absinthe and bitters in place OF
the bottles he had taken away, and then sat
down 20 await developments.
| Pretty soon portly old gentleman came
| in, awoke the barber, and asked to be shaved.
The barber shook himself together, laid the
old gentleman in the chair, tucked him up
with towels and wrapper, and then proceed
ed to strap his razor, remarking, "A muggy
close day isn't it ?" He then proceeded TO
scrape his perspiring victim, at the same
time talking about the weather. The vic
| tim thoroughly scraped. the barber, with a
longing look in his face at the supposed bot
tie Of bay rum, inquired, "Bayrum, sir ?"
"Yes."
Heads a little dirty, sir, considerable
dust IN it; gets in these dusty days fore yer
know it. Better have shampoo"
"All right"
The barber soaped and rubbed the old
gentleman's head until every pore was open.
and then. sezing the bottle Of absinthe,
which he supposed was his bay rum. squirt
ed about three teaspoonfuls on his victim $
Uranium. The old man WINGED perceptibly
and inquired; "lsn't that bay-rum rather
| strong?"
That's the best bay-rum in the country
don't buy any Of the three-quarters water
kind | wouldn't be guilty of swindlin' my
customers i'll such a way" and he rubbed
and rubbed with vigor that made the old
man grit his teeth and hang to the arms Of
the chair. The barber continued his rub
bing efforts until the old man, with eyes
pro'rudng from their sockets. looked as If
he was having a terrible surgical operation
performed.
That will do. that's enough" he at last
groaned "l guess you needn't rub it in any
more, don't think I'll catch cold"
"All right, sir; I'll give you little tonic
to make the hair lie down smooth, and then
I'll be through with you. It's a frst-class
article-make it myself very little oil in it,
and just the thing for Your hair"
"All right, 20 ahead
Again the barber reached forth his arm,
and grasping the bottle of btters, put a
couple Of spoonfuls on those gray, innocent
locks, and in q second was rubbing it home
The effect was electrical. The old man
threw up his hands to his head as if be had
been settled on by a swarm Of bees. He
tore the towel from his neck and stamped on
it. He ran his hands through his hair and
smelled of his fingers. He uttered Com
anche war-~hoop, and seizing the barber by
the throat, yelled:
You drunken fend what in the name Of
the angels have you been putin on my
head It's yitriol, fuse-acid, lye-water, or
some other internal decoction, YOU infer
nal villain, and I'll have you sent to Jail for
thousand years, YOU" and the old man
left the shop if he had been shot out Of a
catapult, and found himself in the next-door
saloon before be knew he was outdoor.
Hey, there, bartender he yelled to the
man of drinks, who was still watching the
pool-players. 1--WE been scalped, murdered,
rubbed with vitriol and kicked by mule,
run through wringing machine, and had
red hot -hat-irons rubbed over my head.
Give me cocktail quicker than lightning
Make it strong. Hoop-la there; hurry up
for the love of Heaven start yer stumps"
The bartender rushed behind the bar,
momentarily expecting the man with the
jmjams-as he supposed would smash
everything in the saloon, and mixed cock
tail in just fifteen seconds. He was excited
and wild. and in his confusion entirely omit
ted the chief Ingredient Whiskey, and made
the cocktail principally Of hair-tonic, bay-rum
sugar and ice. He poured it into a glass,
and set out another of water, and then
braced himself with both hands against the
bar. The old gentleman grabbed the cock
tail, and poured it down as a man empties
bucket from a six-story window. He
smashed the glass on the floor, squirted a
stream of the hair-tonic cocktail in the bar
tenders face, let the rest drive all over the
bar and bottles, and as the last drop left his
mouth, ii was followed by a string Of hair
raising oaths and blood-curdling threats
that would have raised the dead. The bar
tender seized the bung starter, and the old
gentleman commenced to hurl the bottles of
tonic and bitters that stood on the bar, at
the same time yelling and swearing. A
crowd rushed in, policeman grabbed him
from behind. and hit him fourteen times on
the head in three seconds, and then began
TO roll with him on the floor.
The following morning, before the police
court. the old gentleman was sent up for
thirty days as ''drunk and disorderly," and
was told by the judge that in that time he
could get the rum out Of him and get over
the tremens.