Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-08-10

"a ~
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IMMERSED AGAINST HER VILLA
colored sister of the Methodist faith who
was looking on at the immersion OF COM
pany of Baptist converts in an Alabama
river the other day, became SO interested
in the spectacle as to venture close to the
waters edge. The officiating clergyman.
whether through malice or Ignorance will
probably never be known, seized and
soused her into the water before she had
time to object She came out too much out
of breath to speak, and under she went
again. After the second dip she emerged
clawing the air wildly, and shouting:
s'G'way from here Don't you chuck me
under ag'in, you niger % But the cler-
gyman was inexorable and sent her to the
bottom third time. When finally she bad
escaped from his clutches and stood drip
ping upon the shore, she shook her fist and
screamed: "Oh, I'll fix you I'll bust the
head often you, you or nary trash sousin'
me and nearly drownin' me. when you
know'd well enough all de time dat Use
Methodist and been christened by dem
dat's your betters, and knows mo- bout
ligion den all de Baptists dat ebber shout
ed, you mis- able black scum and me got
de rheumatic enough to set me crazy I'll
see what de law kin do for you! I'll have
you rested dis very day, or my names
not Joanna johnson. you woolly-
herrin'! You hear me ?" Then Joanna
went home to change her clothes and the
ceremony proceeded.
1.-The State of Pennsylvania" said
Professor Sitter, "is seven times as large
as the whole country of Palestine" "And
yet," said the baseball reporter, II don't
suppose if you raked Pennsylvania with
fine-tooth comb, you could find that such a
man as Moses ever lived in it, But the
Professor dryly said that for that matter,
Moses never lived in Palestine either. And
the baseball reporter told his friends at
lawn-tennis that afternoon that he could
have just dubbed himself for not saying
Potiphar, when he knew all the time it was
Potiphar wholwas King of Galllee. The
horse reporter comforted his colleague,
however, telling him that be never could
find anything in the Bible himself without
referring to the Accordion. 1.-The what p
said the stock reporter, lifting his head
from the ticker. 1.-The Accordion" said
the horse reporter; shat book with all
the words in the Bible in it, and where you
find 'em." ''You Chinaman |" exclaimed
the stock stock reporter, with profound
contempt ''that s the Apocrypha But
as they went down stairs the horse re-
porter told the baseball reporter that the
stock reporter had brother who was
preacher and that was the way he come to
know so much about the Bible Bob Bur-
dette.
A DRUMMER TAKEN IN.-"Will I have
time to step off and get some refresh
ments ?" asked a drummer on Texas
railroad of the conductor, as the train
stopped at q station. "You will have
plenty Of time" The drummer stepped off
and the train went on without him: The
next time the drummer saw that conduc-
tor he took him to task very severely for
his conduct, complaining that he had to
lay over at that station seven hours.
"Well, }" replied the conductor. you asked
me If you would have time to get some re-
freshments, and if you couldn t get all you
wanted in seven hours, it seems to me you
are hog" Verdict for the conductor.
and no appeal.
Three men were in an open boat upon
the desert deep. The small stock of bread
aud water which they had managed t,
throw into the boat before the good ship
went down was long since exhausted, and
with parched threats and hunger gnawing
in their hearts, they lay waiting for death
to end their miseries Suddenly appe ,red
upon the horizonA dingy white speck; ii
grew larger until it took the unmistka
BILE outlines of ship bearing down upol
them at a fourteen knot rate. One of the
men, with an energy born of joy at this
unexpected deliverance, raised himself to
his feet and swinging his arms aloft shout
ed, "a sail sail!'' One of his compan-
ions smiled family, while the other began
fumbling iD his pockets in distracted
manner. and then cried IA sale Mire
gracious and don't got no catalogues"
A young lady in the rural districts.wrote
to us asking advice about how to have
dress made. Now, we didn't know what
to say. But we wanted to accommodate
her, so we got a fashion magazine, copied
a description OF dress and sent it to her.
Yesterday the queerest creature we ever
saw bounced into our Office. ''Do you see
this dress ?" she demanded. 1--WE worn
it here to let you see it. This is the thing
you have advised me to make; look at it,"
Then she went on. She had caused the
dress to be made up, worn it to the city,
expecting it to be right in style, and found
it to be terror. Investigation showed
that the magazine was of 1S47.
''Save the Sweetest Kiss for Mother. " is
the title of the latest new song. The au-
thor evidently overlooks the fact that the
young man s precious time is 80 complete
ly occupied in paying his respects to the
daughter that the old lady stands mighty
slim chance of getting any kiss at ALL
A Peruvian living in Milan has made a
clock entirely out of bread. In this coun-
thy many persons are trying to make bread
o,,t <,f m NOR huf fhov bova oclt, boo, nm.