New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-12-12
,ell me SOL? Well. thought the coffee
this morninp tasted a little burnt. y

I!lIS MOIHlIly GlStcu q llttlc UuIHt.
The craze on electrical stuly is be-
ginning to bear fruit. care you the
CONDUCTOR asked lad OF omnibus
guard. Il am, = replied the courteous
official. ''What is your name?' ..My
name is Wood" .:Oh, that can't be, !"
said the boy, ''for wood is a non-con-
ductor'
elbow old would you think my daugh-
ter was" asked mother of a lady
friend at one Of of our summer resorts;
''would you think she was 1927 80,
yes" was the candid reply, II should
think she was 18-about ten years
ago!' They ':never speak as they pass
by" now.
''Does a goose lay eggs?' inquired
Rollo, one brisk morning in breezy
March. And Rollo's father. sitting be-
hind the stove, eating quinine with
spoon, and trying to shake his whole
skeleton out of his pockets, made re-
ply: eyes, my son, ague Stays every
thing. 1t has slain your father
a painter was Dragging OF his Won
derful command OF color 70 friend one
day. Eis friend did not seem to take
it quite all in. why exclaimed the
painter, ''do you know there are but
three painters in the world, sir, who
understand co1or!' ':And who are
they?' at last asked the friend. sWhy,
sir, am one, and-and-and / forget
the names Of the other two!'
The Earl Of Shaftesbury tells an
amusing story. He says that in his
part Of the country Oorsetshire) the
people have strong prediction tor
giving Hebrew names to their children
by baptism. Sometimes, however, they
GO little too far. In the churchyard
Of his own parish there is a tombstone
on which the words were engraved,
t'Mcthusclah Coney died, aged twelve
months"
Heavy tragedian, seated at railway
hotel before a roast chicken: ''Prithee,
landlord, dwells there within the pre-
cincts of this hamlet a machinist?"
Landlords ca machinist? Yes, SIR"
Tragedian: "Thcn take to him this
bird Of many springs. Bid him wrench
assunder these iron limbs, and then,
for our rega!emen+, to chisel slices from
its unyielding boom, for we would
dine anon. And, pray you, do it quick
ly. Your peas you need not carry, for
those, with dcxt rous management, we
can swallow whole. Away!''
Nothing would so beyond an adj
vertisement we met with lately of a
Yankee auctioneer. 1t offered for sale
! u 'sweet pensive retirement" on the
banks of the Hudson, and after describ-
ing the ''streams Of sparkling bright.
ness" and the ''fry!its Of The tropics in
golden beauty mentions that 1.-THE
stables are worthy OF the steeds of MINI
! rod or the studs Of Achilles, and its
heronry was built expressly for the
| birds OF Paradise, while sombre in the
distance, like the cave of a hermit,
gllmpses are caught Of the dog-house. :"
4 Cincinnati German in the furniture
trade was lccos.ed the other day by q
| Newly orker with: ''NVell, Mr.. Schmidt,
they say you have made an assign
ment?n "Yaw; dot isil So you
assigned to your brother, didn't you?''
"Yaw, he Was my brudder.'' "Didn' {
anybody raise objections about this
family arrangement ''Vhell, doan
know. When my bludder fails he as
signs to me, und When | fails | assigns
to him. Dot makes fair play, eli? l
doa'n 80 much on some mans who goes
pack on his bruGIer.'