The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-03-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

of 20, is said to be the most learned
woman in the world. She can read and
write in twelve languages. Fortunately,
she is not married.
1t was 8 Persian philosopher who.
when asked why he named his son John
Henry, answered that it was to show his
sex and prevent anyone calling him
Nancy, There are fathers in this couu-
try who should have thought of that.
Harvard issues this year prospectus
for veterinary school to open in 1888.
1t is to give a three years course of in
struction. 1t is hoped thet in few
years there will be enough veterinarians
on hand to keep the baseball players of
the school In trim for recitations.
Home from the seaside: II suppose
you have settled down to quite Your old
home life again, eh?n suggested Fitzioy
to his neighbor. .'Yes, pretty much;
but the family brought back little too
much seabreeze with them. They are
blowing about something all the time
II amt voted in eight years, an
didn't see no fun in it, p" remarked coll
ored citizen. Use got no edycashun
an l dunno who to vote for. | might
vote for man for sheriff ter day an ter
mofrer he'd come and rest me. /
dunno nothin' bout votin' an Ise gwyne
ter stay at home an work"
A lady writes to Cincinnati paper to
find out how long person must reside
in Ohio before she eau Get. married.
We don't know how it is in Ohio. but if
the young lady be of marriageable age
and can furnish the bridegroom, she
Il
her arrival in Brooklyn.
Mistress (who has long suspected he1
servant of having follower, and thinks
she has caught her at last): '.Mary.
your master wishes to know the mean
ing of these large footmarks; can YOU
explainP" Mary: ''Oh, yes, mum! NY
sisters been here, and she has got the
gout so bad she has to wear big boots
Beauty's blunder: Have You no love
for the beautiful, then?n queried she. in
winsome tones. ''N-n-o; but | think
should have if I only dared" Have
courage, young man. ''Oh, | wasn't
thinking of you at all. - But she
hustled out of the room, hating herself
for having sprung the trap tc0 soon.
A supposed panther, which had been
icut and Massachusetts, for three
months, was trapped the other NIGHT
and proved to be dog without grit
enough to show his teeth at man with
club. Sparkling has been promptly
resumed.
A number Of young women in upper
East tennessee have announced as their
motto, through the Blountsyille Star.
Total abstinence or no husbands" Ii
Is sad to think that these Young women
have looked so much into the wine when
1t IS red in the cup that their matrimo-
NAL prospects are marred
Some philosopher and scientist makes
the startling announcement that Adam
re1e Lii, VIII, ,,IIuv IL.
Adam never experienced the pleasure
and $50 week of travelling with fat
woman, some pink-eyed children and
hand-organ, the way the men of the
present day do who have attained the
height of seven feet.
Ballooning has become.so popular in
Vienna that the Municipal Council have
deemed it advisable to pass law: THAT
all married men desirous of taking
aerial voyages shall not be granted IL
cense until it has been proved to the
satisfaction of the authorities that they
have received the consent of then
wives" Some things are easy to prove.
Fitz-Adolphus Jones is a young man
of free manners. He took the liberty
the other day of telling his pretty cousin
Leila, in the presence of her awful
mamma. that she was 'a pearl of a
girl" Towhich the mamma responded
with dignity: ''You forget, sir, that you
are addressing the child of my bosomi''
Viewed from that point, it was sort Oh
half-shell compliment.
Frank Frayne, the actor whose reck.
less shooting caused the death of young
lady on the stage few weeks ago, mar
rowly escaped VITA his life N an en-
counter with the lions used in connec.
ton with his new play. That Frayne
will fool around until he finds something
worse than rifle or roaring lion, and
his career will be nipped in the bud. 1t
is only a question of time for him.
Not long since Lily, little girl of )
years, after saying her evening prayers,
began to indulge in an original petition
OF her own, varying it according to her
moods. She was aware that She had
not been particularly good on a certain
day, and her evening prayers were thus
supplemented: Il pray the Lord to
make Lily good little girl, and if at
first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Mrs. Lydia Maria Child and her hus-
band lived for quarter of century
without a servant in their pleasant
home in Wayland, Mass Once, when
he said TO her, II wish for your sake.
dear, / was as rich as Cresus,'' she re,
piled: 'FYou are Crnsus, for Won are
King of Lydia" This is the poetic way
OF telling which had to get up and start
the fire.
"4ou may talk about your mean
men, said one rustic to another on the
ferry-boat the other day, '.but we've
got a woman over there in Alameda
who beats all. :" Kinder closets shep''
''CloseP Why, last month her husband
dled-fourth husband, mind-and I'm
blamed if she didn't take the door-plate
OH the front door, had his age added
and then nailed it onto his coffin. Said
she guessed likely she'd be wanting a
new name on the door soon ANYWAY
A street railroad convention has re.
Gently been held in Boston, II was NOT
decided whether conductors should con-
tinue to gaze at the biue vault of heaven
when man is fastening along through
mud two feet deep to catch the car.
But the conclusion was arrived at that
under no circumstances should cal
carry more than 141 passengers at the
sane time, or stop for anyone to get of
unless the track was blocked by a freight
car.
A Colorado man who expected gang
of lynchers to come for him about the
middle of the night took himself to the
cellar, leaving pet grizzly bear in his
place in bed. The lynchers didn't brine
any lights, but made very plucky at.
tempt to get the bear out and lynch if,
but gave it up after three of them had
lost an eye apiece, two had suffered the