Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-05-11
FUN

FUN
How TO Cross ExAMINE.-"You say
you know Mr.. Smith ? You are willing
to swear that you know him."
Eyes, sir.'
you mean to say you are acquainted
with him.
Eyes, sir; acquainted with him."
''Oh, you don't know him ; you are
merely acquainted with him. Remember
that you are on oath, sir. Now be careful.
You don't mean to tell the court that you
know all about Mr.. Smith, everything that
he ever did %
mo, suppose"
Never mind what you suppose. Please
answer nay question. Do you know or do
you not. know everything that Mr.. Smith
ever did 2"
No, -
'.That'!l do SIR No, you do not. Very
good. So you are not acquainted ith all
his acts?''
sOf course="
''Stop there. Are you or are you not -
mo"
THAT is to say, you are not so well &C.
quainted with him as you thought You
were ?"
Possibly not.''
"Just so. Now we begin to understand
each other. If you don't know anything
about Mr.. Smiths acts when you are not
with him, you can t swear that you know
him; can your"
IF you put it in that Way"
Come sir, don t seek to evade my ques-
ton. I'll put it to you again. When you
say you know Mr.. Smith, you don't mean
to say you know everything he does p
mo, sir; of course not
''Just so; of course not. Then you were
not quite correct when you said you knew
Mr. Smith 2''
mo, sir.''
'sIn point of fact, you don't know Mr..
Smith 2"
No, sir.''
''Ah, 1 thought so. That'll do sir. you
can step down.
Last summer, as he lay in the hammock
dreamily gazing at the smooth, flower
sprinkled lawn, his darling approached and
said ''There Is difference between you,
dear, and the grass plot" Conmun icat-
the variation. 'Thls is daisy level, Will
you are lazy D., I'll not say ally
mOre'7
Victoria to royal detective: -'.Villiam,
'0w is it you've hallowed the hassassiners
of Lady Dixie. thus to heiude You =
Royal detective IVY, your majesty
surely 'asn't read the papers. The iady's
dog eat up both O. them red 'anded muir
deress; and cow can we get hat the hashes
without killing the poor brute? Your ma
j+ssy knows wat blooming pity it'd be
To cut hopen such a noble kaninal just
for that ~ Courier Journal.
Sincerity Is to speak all We think, al d
he what we seem to be- YonkerS Gazette.
That ia all very we'll. But you just tell
the next female what you think when she
asks your opinion on some origina! poetry
of hers, where ''azure vault'' rhymes to
..him she mauled,' and be firm about re-
fusing TO publish it. You may then feel
that you have all the sincerity you can
handle, but that will not prevent her from
calling you a lean thing. Ieeas Sattinqs.
I'm not in Mourning" said young
lady frankly to querist, "but as the wild
ows are getting all the offers nowadays,
we poor girls must do something to protect
ourselves
A sad-eyed man, says Bill Nye, the
other night fell out Of his bed into the
aisle of Pullman car, and skinned his
knee. He now claims that he was lame
from bis berth.
why do you carry your pocEetbook in
your hand 2'' asked Philadelphia hus-
band of his Young wife. ''Oh, was the
quiet reply, it is SO light 1 am afraid 1t
might jump out of my pocket"
An nrchin who bad begged penny of
All old topper in vain, rewarded him with
this advice Don't You carry that nose
of yourn to no powder fact'ry, or they
might play the bose on yer.'
IT doesn t take northern Invalid very
long to get well in Florida. When tic
first week s hotel is presented he generally
says. II guess am well enough to start
home this afternoon y
Old Mrs. B. came to town last week
frem Indiana, on an excursion, and when
she was asked why she was in such
hurry to leave, she replied i've got to
60 You see as how l came in on An exer-
lion train and my ticket perspires TO-
night
The demand for napkin rings made of
weed grown at Walter Scott's home, Alb
botsford. is proving great drain upon
the forests OF Maine.
Mr.. JONES' asked Smith of the par
son. don't you think the wicked will have
an oppors unity given them In the next !
world ~ Yes. certainly" replied the |
parsen, ian excellent opportunity to get |
warm.'