Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1883-08-16

i1 uown, JacR, and don't be silly,
whispered Alice, after greeting hi
friends. "Oh, you wicked boy! what
the matter with your eyes? And Won
necktle has slipped up under your ear
claret ?" "i''
Half an hour later Mr.. Quimby wa
supported to the carriage, and Alic
registered a solemn VOW that unless he
cousins plan was conciusively and per
manently effective she would never b.
Mrs. Quimby, If she had to live and di
an old maid. On the evening of Mr.
Quimby's call half dozen young fel
lows sat together in the private rooms o
well-known restaurant. Alice Benton
cousin was chairman.
Boys" he said, "we must al. of nj
make raid upon Quimby tomorrow
You, Jack, will be the deeply insultet
husband, and you, Tom, the honest viii
culturist whose money Quimby borrow
ed and squpndered. Dick, I want yo1
to play the undertaken from whom til,
collin was engaged, and Bill, you car
appear as the man assaulted by Quimby
the angry man who had determined tx
appeal to the law of his country for re
dress in the shape of heavy damages
The Office group will now rehearse."
When Jack Quimby awoke on the sec
ond day of the year he had vague idea
that he. was on the threshold of sponta
neous combustion. "Never," he groan
ed, "were my coppers SO Internally hot
before. If I don't join some temper
ance legion ere the day is over I am
lost man. Despite these reflections
MIR. Quimby dressed and after gooG
ronnd of stiff cocktails, walked to his
office and fell into a regular business
groove.
"Quimby," said the senior partner o.
the firm, " want that invoice made oui
by ten O'clock"
"All right, sir; am at work on ii
now."
Somebody for you, MIR. Quimby,
cried the messenger boy, bursting into
the private office.
"Show him ip," said Quimby. A
tai, gaunt individual followed the boy,
and, fixing stony glance at Jack, took
vacant chair.
"Of course you know who 1 am,
Quimby."
"I'm blessed if I do" replied Jack,
after close scrutiny; "never saw you
before in my life that can rem ember.'
:" My name," said the visitor, sis Eu.
tropius Brown. and / have brought YOU
the coffin you ordered last evening. II
you will show me the deceased, Mr..
Qaimby, l will arrange everything with.
out further delay. I believe you re-
marked the corpse bad already been two
days on ice.
Quimby looked at the window. Sure
enough, there stood q black wagon out.
side the door.
my dear sir, )" he said, "there is no.
body dead in this house. This is n busi
ness house, and you are quite mistaken
about the address. 1 never ordered n
coffin from you. I've got no one to
bury, and it strikes me-" added Jack,
growing desperate, "that you are alto.
gether In error, in fact that you are not
quite right in your mind"
" Is not your name John Quimby ?"
cit is; I'm Quimby; but, great heav-
ems, ! have no use for an undertaken"
Then why," said Brown, in an ex-
cited voice, /" did you come to my estab
!;shment and ring the night bell? Why
did you tell me to bring along in the
morning, the nobbiest casket in the
shop? DO you think that is fair treat
ment for decent undertaken, Mr.. Quinn
by? Do you think"
"For the Lords sake be quiet"
gasped Jack. Here are five dollars for
a New Years present. Say no more
about it. Take your casket back and l
will call on you this afternoon and
square up the balance. Don't you see
that [ was not myself when I spoke to
you about that interment? Now, 20
away, like good fellow" and Jack
pushed MIR. Brown out and sat down
again to his invoices with heavy heart.
"How full must have been!" he NUT
tered. " To order coffin; why, that's
the worst ever did. 1 wish I could re-
member something about what hap.
pened after left Benton's. But can't;
it's no use."
Gentleman wants to see MIR. Quinn
by" shrieked the messenger.
"Don't disturb yourself, Mr.. Quinn
by" cried a short, stout man with bull
neck. "Just10:30. Come to give you
your lessons as per contract" and swing
ing a sack from his back he took out a
Set Of boxing gloves and smiled compla-
Gently at the astonished Quimby.
What the devil are you doing here ?''
calculated that individual, as soon as he
recovered his breath.
2" Your boxing lesson, Mr.. Quimby.
Contract drawn up, sir, last night.
Signed in the presence of Mr.. Elmore.
Hours from ten to twelve every day, at
this office. See for yourself" And the
pugilist handed Jack q paper on which
his own signature appeared.
y" Here's So, said Quimby; "take it
for your trouble, Mr.. Slogan, and come
the latter part of next week." And as
the pugilist put his gloves away and
walked off, Jack clasped his hands about
his lead and fell into train of serious
thought. '-sf ''s'''-'a' - -, .
"l've been off," he said, "butnever SO
of as | was yesterday. A coffin and
boxing lessons-where the deuce could
l have been, anyhow"
Let me in! must see him D-n
him! I'll kill him, the cowardly scoun-
drel! He insulted my wife! 1 say let
me in; I'll have his lifel" q y :.
The voice and scuffie were outside
MIR. Quimby's door.
:" Impossible, sir, impossible. Mr..
Quimby is a gentleman, and never in.
tentionally insulted anyone"
This WAS quite enough for Jack. he
felt cold chill all over, and seized hif
hat and coat and shot down side en-
trance.
"Where are you going, Mr.. Quinn
by ?" asked a porter.
"To h-ll," shouted Jack. "The
whole world is coming with coffins, box
ing gloves and insulted wives. I'm crazy,
plum crazy. Out of my way or I'll Kill
you" And the wretched man darted
into the street, sprang into hack, and
fell back in a condition of complete ex-
haustion.
On the third DAY of January, Miss
Alice Benton was Informed that Mr.,
John Quimby craved audience of her.
=" Why, Jack, how pale you are, and
how miserable you look!" she exclaimed
as Mr. Quimby made a very humble
bow, and cast glance of most implor.
ing penitence on her.