Connecticut western news., 1883-09-12
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILB
 OVER THIS WEEK.
An Easy T'me-"TeXas SiftinRs''-His Note A Detroit Morning Scene-The GOYern- OTIS Caller-Revenge, Etc., Etc.
WOULD HAVE AN EASY TIME.

bite ?" asked guest of an Arkansaw hotel, as acolored gentleman entered with Q pitcher of water. 'I have been lying here fighting 'em for m hour. How long do you suppose they will keep up this business ?"
 "Well, I dunno, sah. 'Cordin' ter how nanny da is. ''There are ten thousand"
 'In dat case, sah, it's 'cordin' ter how hungry da is."
 'They are as hungry as wolves."
 "Den yer's mighty likely ter hab trouble | wid 'em, sah"
 "Why don't you put @ bar over the bed"
 "'Case nobody eber sleeps in dis room but one night. When one night man comes along we gives him dis room Didn't nobody sleep in heah las' night an dat's de reason da's so hungry. Eff yer'd happen ter strike dis bed jes' arter a fat man had been in it, yer'd hab easy time, sah. ''-Arkansa,o Traveler. woTRH MORE THAN HIS NOTE. Emery Storrs, the reparteeist, tells story of g gentleman who bought bill of goods for $1 ,5OO. The firm being sus- picious of their customer, put $500 on the usual prices. The customer could only raise $1 200, which was the regular rate, the rest being in excess. He said he would give his note for the remainder, and they took it. Then he said he was ill the habit of receiving present when he made so large bill. They gave him necktie. He bitterly objected to such 8 mean little present. The proprietors then concluded to present him with his note for $500. He took it with look of cunning, and then said:
 "Well, MT. Alexanders, think will prefer the necktie, if it's just the same to you.'
 WHY HE HATED.
 "Oh, Charles, let us turn and go off some other way; there is that bad man following us.
 "Who is the fellow, my deah ?''
 ''Why, that is the man who was so near marrying me before I met you. I just hate him P
 "By love so do l."
 "You?"
 "Yaas."
 "You don't know him. How can you hate him ?''
 "He didn't marry you, don't cher knaw, my love. "-Ze1as Sift5mgs.
 HowLERs.
 ''What are you doing there ?" demand ed policeman of man who sat on Il fence bowling.
 "That feller in the house shot my dog because he howled, and I'm carrying out the dog's contract. I'm going to howl here until think the dog's death has been sufficiently avenged. If he shoots me, my son will howl out my contract, and if further harm should be, fall my family, my wife will come out and howl till he can't rest. Oh, but we are howlers. ."-ArkanSaaO ZraUeler. AN OFF YEAR. "Hot! Why it's five degrees hotte
 here than at home! thought this wa
 one of tine coolest places in the country i?
 My dear sir, this is an off year, yol
 know! Every year but this we hav' l had to keep up fires in July, and we shal probably have to next year again. I is a sort of an extra season, you see." "But where are those cool breezes yol y advertised ?"
 Oh, they are over on the other side o , the lake to-day. You see, this is onl. one side of the lake and we can't expec a to monopolize all the breeze there is s We must divide up and give the othe : resorts some of it." I MORNING SCENE. About eight o'clock one morning man smoking plug tobacco in an ol s clay pipe walked out of Michigan ave l. nue saloon with a rat in trap. H 1T looked neither to the right nor the lei l. until he had reached the middle of tn e street. Then he placed the trap on tn 'f ground and whistled for his dog. If h Il had dog, the animal did not respond l. but the public did. In less than tw y minutes thirty men were rushing to th o1 spot.
 ''Hi, there! Don't let him out till 's get my dog?" shouted one. s. "Hold on Wait for the dogs !'' yelle g. half dozen voices at once. l. 'Keep cool and form @ circle ' con y manded policeman, and he took firm, 7s grip of his baton. p The man with the trap spread lare IT handkerchief over it and waited. E le was not bit excited. On the contral 1T he was as placid as chip sailing in u as wash-dish.
 DO "Whar' did ye ketch him?" inquire le 8 newsboy.
 ut The placid man did not deign to repl
 "Whatll ye take fur him ?" asked a 'i- 'i- other, but his inquiry was treated wi iS iS the same silent contempt. LII Then four or five men came runnil 7o up with dogs under their arms, and t' 7n or fifteen dogs on foot followed behin oo There was fight between Q bull-d' > and 8 Newfoundland, and there wou io have been row between owners had Il o, second policeman appeared. Ord ea was finally restored. The dogs were OH ranged in circle and held by their e eo lars, and the placid man slowly knock Sh the ashes from his pipe, looked careful
 around, and then raised the trap al
 shook the rat out. All the dogs made 'te rush, but in ten seconds each and eve