The Brookhaven leader. [volume] (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1883-1891, 1883-10-04
Mr.. Jones EnllSts as Cook.

Mr.. Jones has had quite an expert
encc lately. 1t came suddenly, like the
toothachc, and it left the same sort of
indelible impression. The truth is, he
has been acting as cook. AT first he
thought he knew as much as a wholein
telligencc office, and he told Mrs. Jones
so when she informed him that Bridget
was going away for two weeks to visit
her sister at East Saginaw.
1--WE must have a supply, Jeptha,"
she said in ministerial sort of way.
Il have all | can do with the children
and the fall sewing, without doing any
cooking"
Nonsense, retorted Jones; "supplv
be blamed! Who wants strange Girl
rummaging through the house? I'll do
the cooking, Maria! can cook better
than any woman | ever saw. Ever eat
any of my gingerbread?'
mo, and | never want to, snapped
Mrs. Jones. II never saw man that
could cook anything dceently yet"
"Well, you II see one now. Let me
get up in the morning and get the
breakfast. I'll show YOU bill of fare, "
boasted Jones.
The morning came and Jones got up
early and slipped softly down stairs,
intending to get breakfast ready and
give Maria a surprise.
And he did. When the breakfast
bell rang she went down and stopped
in the doorway to feast her eyes. Jones
had laid the table with Bridget's iron
ing-sheet, and he was rushing about in
his shirt sleeves, with flying suspcnders
nfo
piling up dishes wherever there was an
empty space on the scorched cotton
spread.
"Are we all left-handed," asked
Willie, as he called his mas attention
to the knives and forks on the wrong
side of the plates.
"Hush up!" said the father, severely.
''Sit down, Maria, and turn the coffee.
What are YOU staring at?"
81 was admiring the cook said Mrs.
Jones, swallowing pin in her attempt
not to laugh, and she grayely turned a
cup of clear hot water out of the coffee
pot.
Must have forgot the Coffee num-
bled Jones; .accidentS will happen in
the best of families. Try the oatmeal"
"Did you-pth?- -thrw-pth- -st-boil
it?' asked Mrs. Jones, as she slowly
choked to death.
"Do you boil oatmeal porridge?' in
quired Jones, anXiously; I'm sure my
mother never cooked hers.
"Noi" said Mrs. Jones, innocently;
''then she must have had her throat lined
with porcelain. What are these things, "
Jeptha?'
Saratoga chips, Maria; don't you
know potatoes when you see them"
''Oh! suppose these are what you
call aw natural. | see you forgot to
peel the potatoes before you fried them"
purrcd Mrs. }.
"When did Bridget say she would be
back2" asked Jones, changing the con-
versation.
''Why, she has hardly got there yet
answered his wife "She won't be back
for two weeks unless her brother Tim
comes
Jones sighed, and went down town,
where he dined at several restaurants.
1t took Mrs. Jones all day at hard work
to get the kitchen back to its normal
condition, and at night there was a very
light supper. Jones announced that he
would have omelct and hot biscuit for
breakfast, aud retired early.
In the morning he was sleeping sweet
" when Mrs. Jones delivered q rcd-hot
shot into lis nearest ear.
"Jcptha,' she whispered hoarsely,
"thcrc' s-the-tiren'
WHEREOF shrieked Jones, sliding
out of bed and into his clothes.
In -the-kitchen," replied Mrs. j.,
rolling over into a sound sleep.
Jones few to the nearest box and
turned in an alarm, and by the time he
got back to the kitchen and had torn
up the whole interior he discovered his
mistake and tried to appease the fury
of the disappointed fire department by
promising to set 'em up later, Then
he took an arnica bath and went to bed
for a week.
Bridget had just reached East Sagi-
nav and been duly installed as best
guest at her sisters, Mrs. MalOney,
when messenger appeared.
"Howly Moses, it's a tallygram," " she
gasped, 'phat's broken loose now?' 1t
read:
Your brother Tim has arrived; hur-
ry back at once"
When Bridget had redeemed the kitch-
en- from its two days spree, she began
to look for Tim; she hasn't seen him
vet, but as she says: there's the tally
gram" Jones told her to say nothing
ts he might have been taken for sus-
pect. What he knows he keeps to him.
self.-DetrOu Post and Tribune.