The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-03-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

Even half loaf is better than loaf
ing al tho time. Many poor people
of the working class will testify to this
version OF the proverb.
The musicians of Boston have resolv-
ed upon q fixed Standard of pitch. This
dosnp't refer To the stories they tell
about each other
An Alabama Judge decided that
man who puts hD satchel on seat on
the cars reserves that ,seat--unless the
man who move y - 81 ger than he is.
The Sycamore z7cr1id speaks Of Mrs.
Langtry as the Jersey Lilly, and Fred
s1(es fiehl,an as>tle sssDutch TO-"
rubhc sShlllstay Is with the Tulip:
To go behind the ear of woman TO
kiss her is like chewing the bark Of a
peach tree in winter and imagining that
peaches were just ripe.
Specklcd- Moon, a Pawnee Indian
chief, has just taken his seventeenth
wife. He crowds them all into two wig
vans and thereby saves fuel.
A young woman in Oil City possesses
q bass voice with Il compass TO . fiat
the neighbors know il.
Alfred Jenkins, of North Carolina,
has sold his wife to q neighbor for
$500. Some people are always imposing
on the hospitality of their neighbors.
A New York hOtel-keeper has over
$4,000 invested in horsehesh, and some
people are wishing he would sell one
of his horses and buy few towels for
upper bedrooms.
The spots on the sun are larger than
ever. and q red spot has been discover
cd on the face of Jupiter. The ce-
lestial buckwheat season seems to have
opened earlier than usual this year.
Bob Ingersoll claims to be able to tell
what man is at single glance, and
yet he let Washington black
carry of his satchel Perhaps his rule
doesn't work on boys.
Sign for hotel-inn digestion. An
apartment to let to lady-room it is.
nm. Hint to ~ bore g out. The
cry of discontented householder-liver
complaint.
A man who holds his opera-glass in
both hands, with his elbows sticking out
on both sides. is preferable to q lady with
big hat at the theater. You can kick
the man.
'Oh. Georgem Boston girl intense
~ exclaimed, while gazing ut the COM
ct, show transceudently beautiful and
rapturously precious it is! should so
love to study botany"
Ma" he asked, at dinner, .who
was Charlotte Russe?" "Oh," said
ma, .'shs was one of them old queens
who made trouble during the Restora-
ton"
Elizabeth Cady Stanton advises bill
lizards for girls of the period. II q girl
handles q billiard cue as deNtrously as
she throws stone, the man four feet
to the left of her is likely TO have an
eye poked out
The grasshopper has. according to its
size, l20 times the kicking power of an
ordinary man. 1t must be exciting
times for the young grasshoppera
which go coartiag and lind the old man
at home.
In \ middle-school examination in
Lawrence, Mass, the other day, the
question was given: What are the two
principal forms of government ia the
world?" The answer given by a boy
was. Mayor and alderman"
.'Sambo, me bhoy," exclaimed Pat.
a rollicking Irishman. to n jolly darhey.
tell us what makes your nose so flat?"
dunno, Mars Pat answered the
darkey, "but spec it's to keep mo
from, pokin' my nose into 0dder peo-
pies business
A lady, passing along the street one
frosty morning, saw a little fellow scat
tcring salt upon the pavement. for the
purpose of melting the ice. Well, I'm
sure said the lady, that's real benev-
oienct,.' .'Oli. no. ma am. nhe replied.
81: mint hencvoience--it's salt"
"Yes," said young Mr.. Guy, Of the
RicKerknocker club. 'yes. was en-
gagged to her. but I've broken of. you
know. until / see whether she's going
to be successful in breaking her uncle's
brothers will. you know"
II wouldn't lose that roller-pin for
money" exclaimed an Oshkosh wom-
an. brandishing u chunk of wood
that looked as if it had been in a fight
with q sausage-chopper. Every time
I lose husband cut notch in il"
A Baltimore landlady says she can
make delicious mutton soup for thir-
teen boarders out of four ounces of old
sheep. We've seen the thing done on
two ounces. 1t can't fail except in
time of drought.
"Uncle john" said little Emily, do
you know that a baby that was fed on
elephants milk gained twenty pounds
in one weeke" Nonsense! impossible"
exclaimed Uncle John. and then he
asked. Whose baby was it?" The
elephants" said the little girl.
The true definition of luck, as defined
by Col Mooney, is as follows: "When
YOU 90 home at two o'clock in the
morning, after promising your wife to
be in early, and find her sound asleep,
that's luck; but it isn't to be depended
:Dinners har lar cart. You've been
to q boarding-school. What does that
mean, Pollyp" caller cart, father?
Why, that means small, simple din
ner. If you want something heavy and
first-rate You must order what they call
a dinner wagon"
Two sons of the Emerald isle dis
cussing certain colored man. one re-
marked: "But he was mighty smart,
d. We moind. '.Phut are We talkin'
aboutP" replied the other. IF he was
SO smart, how did he come to be a nay.
gurp"
"And what do you call thatp" asked
the inquisitive visitor, pointing to mu-
tilated statue. THAT is q torso" re-
piled the sculptor. Him." muttered
the visitor, .'but how did it become q
torsop" He was tenderly kicked out.
A gentleman who had tarried late at
his club. found his wife awaiting his re-
turn in n high state Of nervousness.
She said: Here I've been waiting and
rocking in the chair until my head
spins round like top" "Jess SO,
wife. where I've been." responded he;
''it's in the atmosphere"
Down quilts can be bought for $50.
They are so light In weight that on q
cold winter night you imagine you are
freezing until you get up and pile all
your clothes on top of it; then you 60
to sleep and dream that you have tum-
bled down the crater of q volcano and
can't get out.
In town not many miles from Bos.
ton, a man stepped into neighbor's
house. where he saw the head Of the
family lying on the floor, and his wife
standing over him, as he thought. with
threatening air. He was about to
withdraw when the PROSTATE man
shouted, "Come along in, Steve; she is
only chalking ME out pair Of pants. :"
A gentleman from the provinces