The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-01-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

Mon who have money to loan take
the greatest possible interest in their
business.
Time works wonders" as the wo-
man said when she got married after a
thirteen years courtship.
Some people object to the practice of
feeling walters, but does not the smiling
morn tip the hills with gold?
Why are the top lunches in box of
raisins like hens in hay loft? They
are the upper layers.
Inquirer-No; that mysterious ''false
prophet of the SOudan is not a wealth
er prophet"
A man in Syracuse boasts that he has
had 302 colds in the head in one year.
He'd better rent his head for an ice
box.
'What would you do, Mr.. NJ, if your
wife diedP" asked Mrs. ID. Mr. M.
(who is very methodicaD-I would
bury her."
Some of the Asiatics are now cooking
their meals on Yankee stoves. This is
preferable to the old styles of serving
up Yankees on Asiatic stoves.
'The stage-driver, in describing the
steepness of certain Vermont noun
tain, said that ''chain litenin' couldn't
go down it without breechin' on"
When rain falls, if she gets the bigger
half of the umbrella, they are lovers; if
he takes the bigger half, they are mar
ried.
Buffalo Bill has at last found mana
RI faE TO hut
what the public will next want to know
is whether he is to be left there or not.
Would-be rivals of Mrs. Langtry in
beauty hold Jumps of ice to their cheeks
when they arise in the morning. This
is an ice way to avoid using rouge.
Calino is in deep mourning. Have
you lost someone?' friend asks "Alas,
no; it is my lease which has just ex-
piredr'
The traveller in England always no.
tices a singular anomaly-the weather
is always wet and the people are al
ways dry.
Stage-robbers run only one chance in
fifty of being hurt in their feelings. 1t
is the passengers that usually suffer in
that way.
The man who travels one thousand
miles in one thousand hours may be
tolerably quickfooted but he isn't a
touch to the woman who keeps up with
the fashions.
A New Jersey Judge has decided
that it is not threat to tell a man that
you will walk around on his collar-bone.
1t is merely preamble to roll in the
mud and no one hurt.
The verdict of the coroner's jury at
: Tunbridge Wells on the death of child
was: The child was suffocated, but
there is no evidence to show that the
suffocation was before or after death"
Bacon was the man who said 'the
best part of beauty is that which pict-
ures can not express" The old man
had evidently had his photographs ta-
ken, and just got the proofs.
The signal-service station on Pixies
Peak is 14,0S0 feet above the level of
the sea. The operators will have to
provide themselves with long fish-lines
if they catch anything.
1t is only fifty years ago that the first
locomotive was built in Philadelphia.
No wonder that no more than 5000 rail-
road men were killed last year. Give
the locomotive time to develop.
1t was Douglass Jerrold who said: "a
man never so beautifully shows his own
strength rs when he respects y woman's s
softness."
Miss Mary Hobart is lecturing in Phil
adelphia on GLOW to Wash a Baby"
In a city where hydrants and garden
hose are so plentiful it would not seem
that lecture of this kind would pay.
The Italians have gone into tho ere
nation business more extensively than
any other nation. An Italian widower.
who is permitted by custom to marry
again in few weeks, can't. bother to
keep anybody's grave green.
A New York bank keeps n man out
side the railing for no other purpose
than to say Next window to those
who 60 to the wrong one. 1t would
take six men to direct all who go to the
wrong window in Chicago banks.
A young lawyer recently said that he
had settled in a certain town to try and
make an honest living, when Il bystand-
or facetiously remarked that he ought
to succeed, as there was not much COM
petition in his profession.
A London newspaper has an article
on "The Emotional Language of Bees"
The language of a bee is not an enc
tional as that of man who is bitten by
the tail end of the insect. Nor as em-
phatic and sulphurous.
1t is during these days of business
that clergyman, on selecting o chap
ter of the bible to preach from in
church, first looks at the end of the last
verse to make sure that no patent med
icine advertisement is hitched on.
"What kind of picture would you
prefer, miss?' inquired photographer
of young lady customer. 'Well,"
was the reply, stake me with an ex-
preston as if l were writing a poem on
love"
Julia, my little cherub, when does
your sister Emma return?" Julia-'I
don't know" Didn't she say any
thing before she went away?" Julia
''She said, if you came to see her, that
she'd be gone till doomsday."
From singinR-school tho lover comes,
His girl upon his arm,
And stitch by her fathers fire,
And waiteth to get warm.
A foot at half-past is heard,
The swain doth quickly scoot,
For fear of being 100 well warmed
By her fond parents boot.
II regard these buildings as perfectly
safe" said New York building in
spector as he finished his rounds, and
in ten minutes the walls caved into the
street. They were an inch out of
plumb and he couldn't see it.
1t is figured that there are already g.
600, 900 England sparrows in this coun-
try, and that at the end of two years
more they will number 20,OOO,0O0. The
next thing is to figure how many worms
we would have had if the sparrows had
not come.
According to Mr.. Proctor, if from
single pair for 5000 years, each hus-
band and wife had married at 21 years
of age, and there had been no deaths,
the population of the earth would be q
1925 followed by 141 ciphers. 1t
will be noticed that Mr.. Proctor has
not allowed for the men who would nat
urally jump town.
An 1lI laI,, -, a.,