The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-04-26
THE BAD BOY,
He and His chum Disseot His Pa.

a handful of dried apples The boy
ate dried apple and then put up a
terrible face, and the groceryman
asked bin what be was trying to do
with his face. The boy caught his
breath and then said:
Say, don't you know any better
than to keep dried apples where a
boy can get holdsiSshem when he
has got the mumpsY You will kill
some boy yet by such carelessness.
| thought these were sweet dried ap
pies, bat they are as sour as board
ing>house keeper, and they make me
tired. Did you ever have the
mumps9 Gosh, but don't it hurt 7
You have got to be darn careful
when you have got the mumps, and
not go out bObsledding or skating,
or you will have your head swell up
biggern a milk pail. Pa says he had
the mumps once when he was a boy
and it broke him all up
well, never mind the humps,
how about your pa spreeing it 7 Try
one of these pickles in the jar there,
won't youf always like to have
boy enjoy himself when be comes
to see me- said the grocery man,
winking at man who was filing an
old fashioned tin box with tobacco
out of the pail, who winked back, as
much as to say, If that boy eats
pickle on top of them mumps we will
have a circus here sure
You can't play no pickle on me,
not when | have the mumps. Ma
passed the pickle to me this morning
and took one mouthtul, and like to
had the lockjsw. But ma didn't do
it on purpose. l guess she never
had any mumps and didn't know how
discouraging pickle is. Darn if |
didn't feel as though | had been hit
in the bur of the ear with brick. -
But about pa. He has been fuller'n
a goose every since New Years day.
| think it wrong for women to tempt
feeble minded persons with liquor on
New Years. Now, me and my
chum, we can take a drink and then
let it alone. We have got brain, end
know when we have got enough, but
pa, whenever he gets to going don't
never stop until he gets SO sick that
be can't keep bis stomach inside Of
himself. Ii is getting SO they look
to me to brace pa up every time he
gets on tear, and | guess l fixed
him this time SO he will never touch
liquor again. | scared him so his
bald head turned gray in one night
What under the heavens have
you done to him now said the gro
ceryman in establishment. i hope
you haven't done anything you will
regret in after years
Regret nothing said the boy as
he turned the lid of the cheese box
back and took the knife and sliced
off piece Of cheese and took few
crackers out barrel, and sat down
on a soap box by the stove. You
see, ma was annoyed to death with
pa. He would come home full when
she had company, and lay down Cd
the sofa and snore, and he would
smell like a distillery. 1t hurt me to
see ma cry, and told her | would
break pa of drinking if she would let
me, and she said il | would promise
not to hurt pa, to go ahead, and |
promised not to.
Then l got my chum and another
boy, quite large boy, help, and pa
is all right. We went down to the
place where they sell arms and legs
to folks who have served in the al my,
or saw mill, or a threshing ma
chine, and lost their limbs, and we
borrowed some arms and legs, and
fixed up a little dissecting room.
We fixed long table in the baae-
ment big enough to lay pa out on,
you know, and then we got false
whiskers and moustaches, and when
pa came in the house drunk and laid
down on the sofa, and got to sleep,
we took him and laid him out on the
table, and took some big trunk straps
and a circingle, and strapped him
down to the table. He slept right
along all through it, and we had an
other table with the false legs and
arms on it, and We rolled up our
sleeves and smoked pipes, just like
read medical students do when they
cut up man. We put hickory nuts
in our mouths SO our voices would
sound different, SO be wouldn't know
US, and was telling the other boys
what a time we had cutting up the
last man we bought, when pa. woke
up.
Il said he was awful tough, and
when we had got off his legs and had
taken out his brains, his friends came
to the dissecting room and claimed
the body, and we had to give it up,
but | saved the legs. | looked at pa
on the table and be began to turn
pale, and he squirmed around to get
up, but found be was fast. | bad
pulled his shirt up uuder bis arms
while he was asleep; as he began to
move took an icle, and in the dim
light of the candles that we're sitting
on the table in beer bottles, drew
the icicle across pas stomach, and ]
said to my chum, Doc, l guess we
had better open this old duffer and
see if be died from inflammation of the
z