Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-11-10
TIE UGLY MAN.

OF iron did Wh00p along bllZa Jdlle, anu
within it sat many and divers persons
from all tribes and from all lands, whose
raimcnt was not alike and neither their
habits. For some did lop over two seats
and spit tobacco in the aisles, and others
did cast their gaze without the windows
and view the strange lands with wonder.
And the peanut boy did wander up and
down seeking whom he might devour.
And the fat woman with the pug-nosed
baby did finally overcome her modesty
and did give unto the babe that for which
he yelled, which the same was hid under
a shawl of many colors.
AnG i'm the "smoker" there were gath
cred together a party Of travelling men
who did smoke and sing songs OF great
gladness and did take cough mixture out
of the sample case Of a liquor man. And
they did boast of their mashes, and dld
poke one another in the ribs and did pull
out photographs and did compare them
(and the same had they bought ut book
stores, yet gave they not the snap away.
And one did say: "Woe unto the village
maiden who gazeth upon me, for my hair
hangeth in ringlcts, and my teeth are rs
the pearls of the Ophir (Ky). Mine eyes
are like unto the lightning, and my limbs
are shapely as the cedars Of Lebanon, and
when | open my mouth to speak the tahy
drippcth down as drippeth the sugar-house
molasscs barrel on hot day"
Now, this man who had spoken ala
hail from indianapolis and was blow
hard of great merit, and when Puggles
(Which the same travelled for mn Evans
Vile house, did hear him, he set himself
about to put him to shame. let wot ne
not he how would do this thing, Tor
Pupplcs was not handsome nor was he 4
masher of merit. And while vet he was
thinking within himself q woman did get
upon the train and did HE herself unto
seat in the last car. And she saw not the
party of travelling men, but when Pug
gles' eyes fell upon her great smile dld
come unto his face and u great scheme
into his head.
And when the indianapolis man and
the rest did see her, they did gaze with
delight, for she was fair to look upon and
comely to the sight. And with one ac-
cord they said "Ain't she daisys Won
der who she Is? Wonder IL she is on the
nirt?"
And Pugglcs said: "You bet she's a
daisy, yet methinks she seemeth not on
the mash, even though she traveleth alone
But to yc who are mashers, now is the ap-
pointed time. Modest am | of speech,
and backward, therefore L will wait until
the last, but 60 yc one at time and try,
and 10 him who maketh the greatcst mash
the rest will give each 4 box of cigars"
And they said it was good, and did be-
Gin with haste to "roach" their hair and
throw out their chcws Of tobacco, and pull
their boards that the sandwich crumbs
might fall out. And they did go one at
time into the ladies' car, some for drink
of water, and some to find the train boy,
and some because it was cooler lin their
minds). And they did sit nigh unto the
woman and did cast sleeps eyes upon
her and did offer her books and peanuts
and oranges, and did offer to raise her
window or to fix her seat. Yet looked
she coldly on them all and gave unto them
no token. And they were cast down in
spirit and retired in disorder to the smok-
ing car.
Then said Puggles: "verily, since ye
all have failed fear to approach unto her,
for if she loOketh with disdain upon ye
who lave beauty and grace, truly will she
gaze with anger upon me who am plain
aud homely."
And they did joke him and laugh "haw
haw," and did say, ''Out upon thee for
snide. Verify wilt she fire thee out of
the window, for thou hast nothing to
commend thee"
And Puggles appeared cast down and
10th to 20, but after he had communed
with himself he took heart and said:
"Double the bet and I'll try. If / strike
luck | want TO be big winner, and il
lose | don't care" Then laughed they
louder and did haste to double the bets,
and did bet him wine also, and hats, aud
one did bet him ten broad pieces Of silver.
And when the bets were, told unto the
conductor he said it was good, and when
Puggles had told him to collect the bet
and keep half if he won, he said it was
better. yet saw they not that Pug giles
did wink at the conductor, and that while
Puggles WAS fixing his hair the conductor
did approach the woman to take up her
ticket, and did mutter to her in q low
tone. Nay, they saw this not.)
Now soon went Puggles in and sat down
near the woman, and the travelling men did
gaze with admiration from the back win
dows Of the next car. And he did smile
upon her and she did look coldly at frat,
but Yet did not seem averse to him, but
rather seeking to know him better. And
soon did size smile back, and when Pug
giles did Offer her an orange she did gaze
graciously upon him and did make room
for him beside her. And the others were
astoilisheJ. But when soon they saw him