davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
Amusing Blunders.

Blunders on public occasions are often
as notifying as they are amusing. For
instance:
At a military dinner in Ireland, the
following was on the toast-list: :" May
the man who has lost ono eye in tho
glorious service of his beloved country
never see distress with the other" But
the person whose duty it was to read
the toast accidentally omitted the word
DISTRESS" which completely changed
the sentiment. and caused no end OF
merriment by the blunder.
Another instance may be quoted, II
only to show how careful people should
be in expressing themselves on public
occasions:
A church in South London had been
erected, when dinner was given, at the
conclusion of which the health OF the
builder was proposed, when he rather
systematically replied that he was "more
fitted for the scaffold than for public
speaking."
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
HUMOROUS.

-"Harry, you ought not to throw
away nice bread like that; you may
want it some day." "Well, mother.
should stand any better show OF get
ting it then if l ate it now|
The widows Of India having been
prevented by the tyrannous English from
cremating themselves along with their
dead lords, have taken to second marri-
ages. They are determined TO sacrifice
themselves somehow. -Prairic Farmer.
Two Philadelphia lawyers got INTO
street fight the other day. Each swore
If he had a pistol he'd kill the other. At
once dozen were offered to each by
spectacle s. When they found how
anxious the popuiace was to get rid of
them, they swore friendship and vowed
to live forever, to spite the own.-iHiL-
adelrhia Press.
Some scientist in London has been
translating the songs of our childhood
into the language of the learned. The
little piping rhyme beginning "Twin-
kle, twinkle, little STAR" has been
changed into this rhetorical blast from
the T. ombone:
Scintillntc, scintlllate, globulc vivinc;
Fain would fathom thy nature specific
Loft ~ poised In ether capacious,
Strongly resembling gem carbonaccous.
--"Ma," howled boy running into
the house and approaching his mother.
INA, little brother hit me with stick"
"Well. I'll whip your little BROTHER"
said the mother, abstractedly tuclsing
togethera pairo stockings she had been
darling mo, don't whip him. Don't
let him have any supper. l whipped
him before he hit me. "-ArkanSaW
} Trarclcr.
"A couple of darkeys were seated
on the steps of q store on baldwin
street, Elmira, where was displayed a
large quantity OF watermelons, when
one said: "Sambo. what would be the
consequences if we should pluck one Of
dem melons an retire to dc bed OBJ de
ole canal to fest de quality OBJ de coreP"
81 isn't very well wersed in de law.
but YOU take de melon an walk of wild
Il under your coat-tail, meantime I'll
90 roun' de corner and study de konse-
gucnces. "-Mlierton en- ~ .Argus.
"A German paper has rather a good
story about lady who, not feeling as
well as she liked, went to consult q
physician. "Well," said the doctor.
after looking at her tongue, feeling her
pulse, and asking her sundry questions,
81 should advise you, yes, | should ad-
wise you ahem!-to get married"
Are you single, doctor" inquired the
fair patient, with significant yet mod,
est smile. al am, mein Fraulein; but
4 it is not etiquette, you know, for physii
clans to take the physic they prescribe
AT n party tie other evening thu
!, subject of faith was mentioned, whel
e one young lady remarked, in the Ian
n guage of Paul Now, faith is tn
substance of things hoped for, and tn
10 evidence of things not seem" Where
D. upon gentleman inquired; "Where
&c that quotation from?" "Why, it's fror
Of Shakespeare" iokingly replied tn
81 young lady. is that sop said tn
I'd young man; "why, thought it wa
s. from Byron His next Christina
70 present will be copy of the New Testa
b ment revised edition.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

An Englishman Sin reduced cir.
cumstances'' advertises to let himself
out to those people who wish to play
practical Jokes. He will allow cold
water to be poured over him, to be
thrown into the canal, to be tripped up
in the streets, to have articles sent 10
him, including collins and "buil pups,
to be sent to streets and numbers that
do not exist, to have his door-bell rung,
to be the victim of mock kilograms, and
thus serve in a score of ways those hui
man beings who rejoice in giving pain
and annoyance to others. But as takes
away all the fun Of the thing II the VIC
tim knows It beforehand and is willing
to submit to it, the Englishman in re-
duced circumstances will not find many
patrons.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

The Enterprise, OF Virginia CITY,
Nav predicts that ostrich farming Will
result about like the business of breed
mo camels. Camels do well in Nevada,
Increasing inc about as rapidly as any other e.,
Kind of Stock, but no one appears to
know what to do with them. Alot taken
to the desert regions to the southwark
for use in packing and prospecting :,
proved Of so little value that they were
turned loose to shift for themselves and
are now breeding and running wild up
toward the headwaters of the ella KY.
er. 1t will probably be the same WIN n
tbe ostriches. After the experiment Oh
herding on a ranch has proved failure h 9,
some Of the birds will be allowed 70 smut
for themselves, and will thus stock .n 4
wilds of Arizona, New Mexico, ana oIhei
regions in that direction.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

DIR. MARION SIMS, who has a special
reputation for treatment of nervous dis
eases, declared in Philadelphia the other
lay that Horace Greeley suffered from
cerebro spinal meningitis in his last i'll
nese. and "should no more have been
sent to the insane asylum for treatment
than should delirious typhoid fever
.~ot;ank ~
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
wprrrs the Paris correspondent of

WRITES the Paris correspondent OF
Life nondon): "NIiss Lillian Nordica,
the American prima donna, made her
appearance as Ophelia in Hamlet at the
Grand Opera the other night French
critics complains Of her strong American
accent, and slightly cultural voice; on
the other hand, they admit that her arms
and hands are above reproach, and that
her eyes, teeth, and smile are not I'M
Interestingly
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

THE New York Herald wants proprie-
tors Of ladies' shoe stores to bounce the
young men clerks and replace them with
needy women, arguing that it is great
embarrassment to customers to have
these young men try Oh their shoes. 1t
to peassumed that practical business men
who run shoe stores know what they are
about, and when they find they are
losing trade by keeping young men to
try on shoes they will exchange them
for other and less Objectionable clerks.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
London newspapers sneer at the gift be-
cause Of the means by which the giver
made his fortune.

OSCAR +. BRowS, formerly banker
and broker in Wall street, New York,
was, few Sundays ago, ordained as a
minister of tho Reformed Episcopal
Church. Two years ago he opened a
mission in one Of the worst localities in
New York, which he called Zion Chapel.
1t now has ninety communicates and
$50 scholars in the Sunday.school. He
expects to build church, as the chapel
is net large enough for his congreGa.
ton.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

COMMISSIONER Of Railroads Arm.
strong recommends that the Government
bring suit for 100000. due from tho
Union Pacific Railroad. This is the %
per cent. of net earnings, less fair price
for transporting troops and supplies,
which the Union Pacific is required by
law to pay the Government.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

CoNaREss is asked to vote 800, 900 for
the Rochambeau papers referring to the
French troops in the American war of
independence. The papers include 152
letters from Washington to Rochambeau.
5000 is asked for ex-senator Carpen.
ter's collection of Supreme Court decis-
ions and briefs.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

WALTER VIM, one of the Nevada
pioneers, who died at Genoa, in that
State, few days ago, was Secretary OF
State under Governor Sam. Houston, of
Texas. He left valuable "reminiscences
of pioneer life in the Southwest and on
The Pacific Coast.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

JOHN G. WHITTIER recently receive>
from a Chicago lady 200 engraved visit.
ing cards with q request to write his
illustrious name on each of them, as the
writer was to give reception to her
friends and desired to present them with
some memento of the event.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

Gov. HAMILTON, of Illinois, is another
successful man who believes with Dsraeli
that ambitious women often make their
husbands successful. To a young and
lovely schoolmate he owes, he says, all
he has in the world,
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

The King OF Portugal was so pleased
with the American telephone that one
was bought for the palace, and his Min
listers, at least on one occasion, were
called up at night to crafty his Maj
esty's desire to talk with them at dis
tance
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

MISS EMMA WHOM, otherwise Mile.
Nevada, this year receives 81 900 per
month for singing in opera in Paris.
Newt wear her contract calls for 81 2oO
nor month. By the expiration Oh her
present contract she will thus have earned
nae, 600 at the Opera Comique. Then
,be will come home to America to make
soma more.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

AMIR. JONES, who made fortune as
an army tailor and then devoted thirty
wears in collecting objects Of art, died
recently, leaving to the South Kenslng,
ton Museum the entire collection valued
at s1,ooo,ooO, and pronounced by ex-
perts to be the most costly ever present
I'd 10 . national museum, Some o. WI
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

In order to pay the expenses of the
coronation of Kalakaua, it is proposed to
pledge the Kings personal credit. Mean
while, peacocks and turkey gobblers are
being robbed Of theil feathers to make
the royal paraphernalia.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

AMONG the many amazing things told
by Professor Langley about the sun is
that if bed of coal the size of the State
of Pennsylvania, and ten feet thick, were
suddenly showed into the sun, it would
be used up in keeping up the present
energy Of the sun for just one-hundredth
part of second. Another of his illus
trations of the suns energy is his esti-
mate that the rainfall ON Manhattan
Island for three months, loaded as ice,
would fill train extending from Jersey
City to San Francisco. -.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
Major Gale Faxon bought a /

Major Gale Faxon bought horse
from the pastor of an Austin church,
and shortly afterwards tho following
conversation was heard: "You have
swindled me with that horse you sold
me- last week" "How so p' asked the
,lerryman, very much surprised. 'Well,
I only had him for three days when ne
d;ed'' "That's very strange; Iowned
him twenty-three years. and worked
him hard every day, and never knew
him to do that while owned him
TeraS Sittings
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

Miss MARY BELLE BARTLEY, who has
just become bride in Staunton, Vir-
ginia, is thirteen years and ten months
old.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

IT is claimed that the United States is
worth $50, 900, 100000, or Sc, 1000, 900
more than England and sl3, 900, 600, 900
more than France
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

IT is stated that the death OF Mr..
Critchett, the eminent English oculist,
was fastened by remorse Tor grave mis-
take made by him in an operation.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
,,,vot, FARMER. nv,ng near Grand

"A Dakota farmer, nving near Grand
Forks, discovered smoke rising from
one Of his straw stacks. He mounted
the stack with a pail Of water, intending
to fight the fire. Tho flames, however,
had eaten out the interior, and as he
reached the top the thin layer OF straw
gave way and precipi,ated him into tho
burning crater, where his body was en-
tirely consumed
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

The statement That Joseph Cilley Of
New Hampshire, is the Oldest living Ex-
Senator of the United States is contra
dicted. The oldest is Ex.Gov. Alexander
Morton, of Louisiana, who was in the
Senate from 1897 to 1913. Gen. Daniel
r. Atkinson entered the Senate in 1913,
and still lives in Missouri; Henry A.
Foster succeeded Silas Wright in 1914,
and Simon Cameron became Senator
in 1915. Mr.. Cilley's term began il
lS47.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

DENVER Tribune primer: What a
Beautiful Piano? You can see your
Face on the Cover. II you Had Pin
YOU could Scratch Nice Pictures oil
Over the Piano. Will you Play on the
Piano? Your Fingers are not Long
Enough, are Theyp But you can
Pound on the Pretty Keys with your
little Fists. May be, if you Pound
Hard enough, Mamma will Come to Sec
who is Making Such Lovely Music.
There are fifty-one complete roll
ing-mills, and two in process Of con-
stTuetion, OF Pittsburgh.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

ANY person in Pennsylvania over six
teen may be fined for using the name of
God in vain.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

"A Young politician explained the IN
tatfsred condition of his trousers 70 ms
father by stating that he was sitting I'M m.
der an apple tree enjoying himself;
when the farmers dog came along and
contested bin scat
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

THE Prince OF Wales, at the urgent
request Of the Princess of Wales, is be.
stirring himself to put down thu cruel
sport of "pigeon shooting" The ladies
have formed ring, and intend "boy-
cotting" Hurlingham until the Gun
Club discards the "pretty dove" and
adopts the terra Gotta pigeon" new
invention which is being brought out
under the patronage Of the Prince of
Wales, and can be seen at work at the
Ranelagh Club grounds.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

The Legislature Of North Carolina has
judicially determined that dog stealing is
not larceny.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

FLORIDA orange groves are said to be
not so much in demand as they were.
The orange grove business has been
overdone.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

COMPLAINT is made in London that
when an actor throws lighted cigar on
the stage he may cause fire.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

THE gold plated thermometers were
distinguished as German favors at Bos'
ton party recently.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

THE proposed change in the manner
OF issuing patents should interest inven-
tors, inasmuch rs the cost would be only
81. whereas it is now from $50 to $780,
This fee would be for simply registering
the claims of inventors, leaving the mat
ter Of the value of their works to be
afterward tried, and that OF infringement
to be tested in the courts, as is practi.
cally and really now the case. The ma
chinery Of the Patent OAice would be
greatly simplifed in the new plan.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

Poe, like Pope, threw himself into
war with ounces. He hit and thrust at
them vigorously; he exposed score OF
cheap popularities he was merciless TO
the inexpensive regulations then readily
acquired by every tootler on the whistle
of Miss Eliza Cook. Since the time OF
Poe American literature has wonderfully
advanced in the acquisition OF force and
polish. American novelists, for exam.
pie, almost give us lessons in careful
elaboration Of style, in reticence and IN
we'll calculated effects. American poets
are, perhaps, too numerous. That they
get a bearing as they do. and appeal to
n really-large public, says much for the
interest of the people in contemporary
verse. In form, in the mere art OF versi.
fying, even the minor American poets OF
to- day show wonderful versatility and
dizziness. Commonplace is much less
successful than it was of old. In fiction,
analysis is almost too careful. We can.
not but think that this rapid ripening OF
the American muse (who was raw, I'M
informed schoolgirl in the lifetime OF
Poe) is due in part to the influence oil
that critic. His method is as unlike the
method of Mr.. Matthew Arnold rs pos
sible. But he exercised the same kind
Of influence. Like Mr.. Arnold, he in,
| troduced some tinge Of French Thought
| and Of French literature into the work.
manship Of his countryman. Perhaps
| he was not wide reader, and the ele
ment of affectation in his nature may b'
detected in his quotations OF o6sc%r
Latin authors and in his Oriental all'l
, sions. 1t is hard to say how niue
! knowledge was implied in these allr
sions-how rich the mine was from whlc
! Poe dug these sparkling fragment
: Still. he Judged the writer's Of his coul
try with some knowledge Of other liter
TIRES. As he was quite ruthless in n
criticisms he did good, but at his ow'
!, cost. London Net0S
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

The police Of Berlin will no longer
permit public performances of tanners Of
loins and other wild animals.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

THE number Of religious works pub.
lished in England last year was 7S9,
against 400 novels.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

-surgeon-GeAe- al ~ J. Dale, ,.,;s z,
Massachusetts, retired ON o,nce sstsr
the incoming Of Gvvs.aor bu ~ s r
twenty-one years service icr s1 .sess S
II. = The last remaining ayfive n'0''
Of Governor Anurow's stall.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

n,clarc. the French Prcmlcr' was
sorr,sriv proof reader on newspaper.
T ~, , III for him. The man VINO mas
bson proof reader Is equal TO any kino
OF atrOcity,
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

Tn MI hearts were frank, Just, and hon;
est, tho major part Of the virtues woa'a
be- useless 10 ua,--4ohers'
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14

George Smith, who lives about bout Inv, hve
miles from Watkins, N. r., was olea h
n cum the other day. He poured pen
line into the barrel to burn out a rag,
and and then put the breach in the stove to
;mni,e tho benzine. The barrel con-
tanned charge of powder, which was
discharged, and the rag was driven into
Smiths head near the ear, severing the
,rleries and fracturing the skull.
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
Mcissonier's Dog and NclatOns' Pay.

A pet dog of the painter Meissonier
one day broke his leg, rendered frlable
by overlooking. Meissonier, desolated
by such an accident to so beloved an
animal, resolved to have recourse to the
prince OF surgical science, who at that
time was Nelaton; but not venturing 10
declare the true motive, he telegra ned
in hot haste FOR him rs if to visit one or
the family, then living at their charm
inc residence at Bougival. Nelaton ar
rived, and entering the drawing-room
began talking on various topics with
the master OF the house, who, although
he had painted many battles and carrier
on many victories, knew not now 10
foce thc present lair At last Nelaton.
becoming impatient at the delay ana
knowing the value OF his time, askod' %
the great embarrassment OF the pam or,
wheae his patient was. Presently tho
wounded brute was brought IN Oh
MAGNIFICENT cushion, bowling WIN pau
in spite of all the care taken. Az so
distressing a spectacle, MISSIONER Tor
GETTING everything else, excla med IN
aconys Save him! illustrious MASTER
save him.
Nelaton dressed the FRACTURE, and the
dog recovered, and shortly afterwards y. ,'is
IFS master wrote grateful letter to inc
great surgeon, thanking him fo' hl'
Kindness, and requesting to know h
fee. Nelaton replied that when lh
painter came to Parishe could call upoj
him. This he soon did, and was pre-
ducing his purse crammcd with bank
rotes, when Nelaton exclaimed: Stol
sir you are painter, are you notg .Iu
put a gray coating on these two pane
which the cabinet-makers have III
ishedr ~ This was, indeed q delical
revenge but which had the last wora ,
Meissonier, who, going at once 70 wo D.,
at the end Of few days produccl, :"
of his chefs daApre on tho pahs'"
Medical 2}aaes,
The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-02-14
TOPICS OF THE DAY.

Mr.. EDMUND YATES does not think
that artists should be too literary.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1883-03-17

In a paper on agricultural statistics, read
before the British Association, Mr.. W.
Botley gave some interesting facts concern
ing the food supply of Great Britain and
the Continent, as follows; ''At present
the food supply produced in Europe is
equal to about eleven months consump-
ton. but in few years the deficit will be
sixty instead of thirty days. The present
production and consumption are Gram
consumption in the United Kingdom, 6O1,-
OOO. 900 bushels Continent, 4,794 ,0O0,-
900: total. 5,401 100000 bushels. Pro-
duction of the United Kingdom, 332, 0O0.-
600 bushels Continent, 4,736,O0O,00O
bushels total, 5,O58 100000. Meat con-
SUMPTION in the United Kingdom, l,740,-
600 tons; Continent, 6,372, 900 tons !;
total, 1919, 600 tons. 1t appears that the
bulk of the.'deficit belongs to Great BRITAIN
but as the Continent is unable to feed ITS
own population, we must in future look to
some other hemisphere for the needful
supply, rather than to the supposed surplus
of Russia, Hungary, Holland, or Denmark
Europe paid last year E35, 0OO,ooo Tor
foreign. meats and 985, 000, 900 for gram,
a sum equivalent to tax of 910,O00,O0O
per month. In the United Kingdom the
importation of meat, including cattle, has
risen as follows: 1860, 81, 23O tons
value, 94,39O,0OO; per inhabitapt,
pounds. 1870, IA, 225 tons; value, IT,
708, 1000 per inhabitant, 10 pounds 1851,
csc, 300 tons value, 926,612,O0O, or 40
pounds for each inhabitant. - AZ 70 4
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1883-03-17
Goat Raising.

The much-abused goat is coming to be
priced as useful animal by English
farmers. They have been a long time
discovering, what has been an established
fact on the continent of Europe, that the
whiskered and frisky animal is an impor-
tant factor in pastoral wealth. In other
European countries it has been demonstrat-
ed that the goat will, if properly managed,
Weld milk, butter and cheese which pos
sess peculiar virtues of theirl eMn,i and also
nrovide excellent meat for the table, as
we'll Al gloves and boots, which cannot be
matched for delicacy and strength. As 2
result Of the new light on this subject,
aoat farm Of 30 acres has been establish
FL on land Of the Earl of Lovelace, IN
surey. where goats, milk, butter, cheese
and leather viii be produced.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1883-03-17
FAMILY GROCERIES.
TAYLoR's BOSS CLIPPER
AND DRY STEAM ENGINES.

Portable and Agricultural Engines Clipper
Engines from 8 to 10 Horse Power; Dry
Steam Engines from 4 to 40 Horse Power ;
Utica Tor Wood & Masnn) Engines from 6 to
40 Horse Power Stationaries; Adjustable
Cut Off Utica Engines from II to 200 Horse
Power; Improved Corlis Engines from Is to
$50 Horse Power; Boilers, all sizes; Iron
Carolina Portable Corn Mills; Corn Mill
Stones, all sizes, guaranteed to produce better
Meal, with 25 per cent. less power, than any
other NIL Stone IN the scorld. s'FHE TAYLOR
MANUFACTURING CoMPANY OF CHANBERsRURG,
PA..n Chambersburg, Pa, u. s. A.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1883-03-17

John Z. SMITH, WIN. A. N.KELLIP.
GMITH g. McKELLIP,
- ATTORNEYS AT LAW AND
SOLICITORS IN CHANCERY,
Having formed partnership in the practice
of Law, will give prompt attentiod to all bust
ness entrusted to their care. Office on Main
street a few doors east of Court street.
dec 5-1y