The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-03-20
ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS, TUESDAY, 90,
The New Musical Critic

] The new musical critic of the Cranber-
~ clarion was great card. Nobodywho
gazed upon his gossamer limbs, his
spectacled orbs, or the airline crease
which divided his hyaeinthine looks in
to equal sections on either side his bulg-
ing brow, could doubt this for an in
stant.
The managing editor, an earthly
creature, however, had his doubts about
the ethereal young man; but as the. .mu-
steal critic had come well recommend
ed, the managing editor stified his
doubts and showed the young man his
desk.
The first job the young man was
given was to do the opera on the open
ing night. He sailed forth in stunning
evening dress, with % full score under
his arm and his heart bulging with
melodious antieipations.
Returning, and having finished his
critique, he took it TO the managing
editor, who bade him sitsdown and read
the stuff aloud. The Young mans soul
was terribly shocked that his splendid
composition should be called s.stuff y
However, he began with as good grace
as he could under the circumstances, as
follows:
1.-The tuneful sweetness of the macs
tro's chef d'evre was never interpreted
with more engaging esprit de corps
than by the artists in this melodious ag
gregation. The chromatic tints. were,
laid on with prodigality of fervor that
sublimated the appoggitura and apotheo-
sized the contrapunctal tone-waves-'
Hold upr' exclaimed the managing
editor; ''what do you mean by all thatP'''
''Mean!" calculated the musical critic;
show do you suppose l knowe I've
done work for the great dailies, and no.
body ever asked me what / meant.
Shall l go on?''
The managing editor nodded, and
the young man proceeded:
"And apotheosized the contrapunctal
tone-waves with dynamic expulsion.
Signora ScreechoWl, the primest prima-
donna, was in her best voice, improved
as it was bya slightly catarrhal shading
which eradicated those incisive muir
murs which tickle only the ears of the
amateur lover of the warbling muse
Her embonpoint was grandly effective,
and no words can hope to depict the Ca
taclysmic effect of her dolce far niente
in the brayura passage in her seven
teenth bar"
Il don't catch on worth cent, sad
ly murmured themanaging editor; ''but
as you have worked on the great dailies
| suppose it's all right.
The young man said YES" and
went on:
''Signor Macaroni, the tenore asso-
luta, attacked with consummate apiomb,
advanced in column by division closed
IN mass, and carried the works of the
great maestro by an adroit movement
in echelon."
WAS there battle-scene in the
opera?' innoccntly inquired themanag-
ing editor.
T.Battle scenei" exclaimed the young
man contemptuously. No, sir; no
battle other than the forceful conflict of
lyrical acoustics.
"Ah!' said the managing editor, 81
understand. Proceed"
'.But the climax of mellifluous grand
eur was attained when Mile. Lotoni, the
ultracontralto, entered the lists. The
coltish freshness of her tuneful tongue
was something astounding in its casta-
divan effects The chiaroscuro of her
andante- -adagio was compIemented per-
fectlv by the middle distance of her
ada gio-andantc, and the two achieve
ments together coruscated through the
house with all the grace and witchery
OF the gen3ini of astronomical familiar
itv.'
Il guess that win do, said the man
aging editor. Il don't care to hear
anv more 10 night. I'm not feeling
very well, and a few more lines might
set me into ii brain fever. Your critique
is splendid cne, the best | ever heard
for the kind. l shall put it all in. =
And he put it into the waste basket
forthwith. - Boston transcript.