Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-10-12
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.


For oil too oft he Grams behind"
AND one thing more doth like appear
lie getsa cleaning once year.
Well to do-get rich.
The coming cold dealer-Winter.
A Burlington man thinks that mule is n
contraction of the Latin word for woman.
In the account of "A barn burning in Maine,
the item says that twenty thousand dozen
eggs were lost. Wonder if they saved the
hen?
II sail for home the 10th inst on Cam
ard," writes young Popinjay, on a postal.
His folks are 50 mortified that they hope it is
an unfounded report.
"And the cloud welded the shadow"
sings poet. From which it would appear
that the bard bad just returned from negro
wedding.
A man in New York, who tried to commit
suicide the other day, and failed, was fined
81 for the offence and As cents for the use of
an elevated railway post. Corporations have
no souls.
A Pennsylvania justice, who attempted TO
quote well-known couplet to a dissipated
but witty young criminal, was astonshed TO
have it returned to him in this form "lTon-
or and shame from no condition rise Act
well your part 2-thercin his honor lies.'
"No, don't keep diary" said Mrs. Bas-
com, "but our folks milk two cows, and l
churn up what the pigs don't eat.'
Jay Gould doesn't want the new aqueduct
which is to enlarge the water supply of New
York city to pass through This grounds at
Irvington. So long as Jay can't water his
own stock at it, he objects to contributing to
anybody elses pump.
The boys in blue-thosc who indulge in
football matches.
The old topper has absolutely no conception
of horn of plenty.
Worth, the great dressmaker, grew bald
very early. Which would seem to imply that
some of his early customers weren't satisfied.
Milkmen have it their own way in Alaska.
Eighty cents quart is the market price.
Too much study is said to affect the mind !;
and we know a number of cases where it
would affect 1t very favorably, too.
1t has been discovered that old moss is an
excellent material for making paper. The
dead languages may be utilized for some
thing yet.
| A scientific exchange says that the speed
| r In 10 i'm al ,,1i1a n mil hn
reference is to swallow Of whisky, we
think it is about right.
The editor of small religious weekly in
the West wrote a paragraph deploring the
degeneration of the ballot but the printer
worked in "ballet," and when the editor gets
done setting with his wife he will begin to
settle with his subscribers.
Now is the time when the young man
who is physically unable to carry twenty
pounds of coal hod upstairs for his mother
will go down to the corner grocery and boost
up 1856 pounds of iron dumb bells for the beer.
One of the gentlemen who appeared before
the Senate labor committee thinks that the
young girls in the public schools should be
taught TO mend stockings and sew on but
tons. Yes; but wouldn't ii sound kind of
queer, though, for the teacher to call OUT
"a class in darning, Second division in sus-
pender button practice!'
Dead letters-diphthong
A stumpy tale-a campaign lie.
There are 80, 900 bcycers in this country,
and the trade in rags is said to be increas-
ing.
Ia Canada man has to pay fine if he
swears. That's why there are SO many
J bankrupt States men in Canada.
A girl IN Bloomington, ILL.,, says an cx
/, change, walks about the streets with pei
COON Well, so they do here, only we dom
call 'cm coons.
\ An old bachelor asserts that the best ant
, quickest way to revive lady when sh'
9 fants is to begin to take down her hair. II
it amt her own she will grab it in jffy.
2 The famous Hungarian sleeper, Joh'
Gyumber, has Just been married. No more
sleep for John.
) 1t is said that Gen. Sherman wants to be
come an actor. He has got an idea that. til
stage kiss hangs on longer than the common
kiss.
1t seems that there are only SIX distillerie
, of rum in the country, and all six are i
n Massachusetts. No wonder the Bay Stat
l went Democratic at the last election.
4 There was yacht race, down Boston way
+ bet wecn two yachts, the Scamp" and th
: "Flirt," and, strange to say it resulted, in
=, tie.
S The grindstone is used by all nations, an
. the young Holtentot has just as much fu
s stopping over and cracking his bac
C while the old man sharpens new nose-rin
as the son of the civilized deacon does /
turning the crank for his father to grind
n scythe.
,- In England, the use Of middle name
" considered a vulgar American idiosyncrasl
E. How in the dickens do they distinguish Il
John Smiths over there
An exchange says that there is mol
nourishment in one loaf of bread than the
is in two glasses of beer. One glass of bee
then, is equivalent to about half loaf I
bread, and where is the American who
going to spend ten minutes of valuable tin
munchiug down the bread, when the be
will have the same effect inside Of five Sc
onds
Florida has wild pepper bush, and witt
an enterprising botanist comes along al
cracks open pod and smells of it, the I
sources even of his scientific vocabulary a
inadenuate TO cypress the intensity OF