Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-12-20
FARMER BROWNS INCUBATOR.
BY JACOB QUEER.

Now, my friends, there amt no man
ner of doubt in my mind that art can
triumph over nature, but when you
come to considering what you can de-
pend on to get the upper hold on art, |
am free to confess it stumps me. In
speaking of art in this instance, am
referring to our inkybator. You see
Maria Ann and me, we got to studying
over the tremendous price of spring
chickens as compared with the no-ac-
count quality of the chickens, and Maria
she concluded that if we had one of
these here patent inkybators, to turn
out chickens by the dozen, fortune
would be in our grasp. That's how it
was | concluded to buy inkybator,
partly because standing with fortune in
my grasp is my favorite attitude, and
more because it seems sort of smoother
sailing over the seas of domestic felicity
when l agree with Mary Ann. So l
ordered inkybator of about seventy
hen power as you might say; it had a
capacity of 700 chickens, and, to save
the expense of. an extra fire, we set it
up in the woodshed, and connected the
heating pipes with the kitchen stove.
The directions said there must he
ventilation, and, as We were afraid the
chill breezes of the woodshel might be
bad for the chickens, we run velti-
lating tlue from the base of the kitchen
stove aforesaid, into the vitals of the
patent inside" hen. Well, / went down
to Harry Wheeler's grocery and nego-
tiated credit for 700 eggs, and we
chucked them III and watched the
kitchen fire, and waited events; though
to tell the truth ont we didn't have no
sort of an idea what whole raft of
events was coming. In due course of
time Maria said, one night as we re-
tired, that Providence permitting, and
if the fire in the kitchen stove did not
80 out, we should have some chickens
outen that there inkybator the next
day; and that's how twas, don't you
see; that there inkybator was a good
deal nearer ready to increase and null
tiply and possess the earth than We had
any idea of.
1 was just sleeping the sleep of inno-
cence, about II o'clock, when grave
yard yawns, and the sheeted dead do
gibe and gibber in the streets of St.
Louis, when Maria Ann kind of touched
me delicately among my short ribs with
the tip of her dainty elbow, as YOU might
say, and as I landed ON the fiat of my
back on the bedroom floor, she re-
marked fire, also murder" and like
wise help
Well, there was the DEVILS own row
going on down in the kitchen, and
that's the truth ont. That was how
Maria felt called on to express her
sentiments in the remarks [ have
quoted. She asked me why on earth /
did not go down and find out what I'M
der the canopy was the matter? Well,
L just told her that / had sprained nv
back, and that I shouldn't probably be
able to leave that room for about two
weeks, bSt when Maria got up and be-
gan rummaging under the mattress for
a bed slat, | just concluded q man
was fool to be afraid of
anything in his own house,
and my back began to feel better, any
how. So I lit a lamp and took that in
one hand, and my old army gun in the
other, and sailed forth. Strategy is a
great thing, my friend, great thing
The step-ladder stood just at the head
Of the stairs, and never let on to Ma
ria but what [ took that ladder along
purpose, and though didn't have on
no boots, nor nothing else to speak Of
when l got mixed up with that there
ladder, and me and the step-ladder and
my gun went down stairs together kind
er promiscous like, skinning my nose
and nearly breaking my arm, do sup
pose we all made noise enough to have
scared away fifteen or twenty burglars,
and that's The truth ont.
Well, there want no burglar there.
You see the inkybator had gone off sort
of unexpected, kind of premature ex-
plosion as you might say, and the dog
he slept i'll the kitchen, and he didn't
know the inkybator was loaded, never
having had no experience with that sort
of a hen, and when the chickens began
coming forth out of the aperture we
had left to ventilate 'em, they found a
watery grave. (Saw that somewhere
in a book. That there dog is a mighty
good ratter, and, as the chickens came
out he just gave 'em one apiece for
luck. He was finishing up the first
hundred when the ladder and me got
there. He was getting a little tired,
but was mighty plucky till me and the
ladder waltzed into the room; then he
crawled under the stove as / rolled nm
der the table
The cat she slept in the kitchen too;
she had misunderstanding with the
dog about the beginning of the services,
but she seemed to have reconciled her
self to the mysterious dispensations
of the inkybator, and placed herself on
what Sam Hartman calls interceding
grounds, and by the time me and the
step-ladder got into the kitchen, she
looked as though she had been attend
ing dried apple picnic and had drank
too much hot water before her meal.
She was probably the biggest cat of
her size on the face of the broad earth,
that blessed night, and she hadn't
eaten over twenty-five or three OF the
chickens, either.
Well, sort of untangled my self from
under the table, and pulled down my
shirt, and put out the cat and dog, and
lit my lamp, which had been put ont
previously by the step-ladder. The
chickens We're still coming on steadily,
and it beat anything / ever saw, and
that's the truth ont.