The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1883-04-19
Our George on Steamboat Travel.

ty endorsement from my entire composition.
My temperament is something like Il paving
stone, inasmuch as | like to stay in one place.
That old conundrum, "can the leopard change
his spots" could be easily answered if | were
the leopard, by saying that if | were in good
spot | should be willing to Stay there and not
want to change The Indian does not like to
change his spots, and when he and the Govern
ment get into discussion about it. it generally
| costs a large pile of money to convince him that
| his spots need changing.
When it SO happens that my living remains
require transporting | unanimously vote to
travel by water, and do it in the night time, if
possible. Blessed with constitution as strong
as that of the United States, and as reliable a
| set of insides as can be found between the COW
ers of an unabridged dictionary, my digestive
organs so constructed that | can digest even a
presidents message, and my sleeping apparatus
50 made that | can sleep through Storm or Il
church er'ice with equal facility, the boat Of
| fcrs to me the greatest Inducements especially
when | am travelling on a free pass.
Did you ever notice the pecuarities about
sleeping on board boat the first time: As You
enter your state room the boat always gives a
lurch and you plunge into the room like a man
trying to escape creditor and tumble over Il
camp chair and rattle up against the wall like Il
set of false teeth in wash bowl. Recovering
yourself you walk back to the door, which is
swinging to and fro and which eludes your grasp
if it We're Il soap bubble. BY combined eff
fort of strategy and deXterty, you succeed in
shutting the door and boiling it. and then dis
cover that you have left the key on the outside
| This is a time when you do not say word, but
as You unbolt the door and remove the KEY
some of your thoughts would make good cigar
| lighters.
Sitting down on the edge of the berth YOU
bend over and remove Your shoes, and as YOU
straighten up the back of your head brings up
with crash against the edge Of the upper
berth and the whole starry heaven is depicted
| to You as fully a. though YOU were occupying
parqutt chair at one OF Prof. Proctor's lect-
ures. Removing your collar and unbuttoning
! your su>pender> a thought darts through YOU
! as suddenly rs a cat goes thr0u ugh the crack of
door, that You have left your travelling bag
in the saloon. You smile smile 50 sicklv that
1t seems to require visit from doctor, and
muttcring something about damp pool" pro-
badly meaning to express a tiguraiNe idea of
the ocean. you scud out into the saloon, in
! stockinged feet collarlc>S. and in Your shirt
/ sleeves Just IN season to meet lady friend
whose regard YOU are particularly DESTROYS of
retaining
Beauty unadorned is adorned the most, = but
there Is not case on record Of u woman who
ever fell i'll love at first sight With Il man when
| he breaks on her vision, minus 4 collar. coat
and vest off, suspender> hanging down his back
| his left hand grasping the Wristbands of his
| pants with grip that only death can unoose
| fitting through the saloon Of Il steamboat in
search Of grip sack. The man who under
such circumstances does not lose his self pos
session when he Suddenly finds himself face to
face with lady friend. deserves to be run in
| plaster and pcddlod through the country in cX-
| change for Old clothes.
Recovering the >atchcl, You make your way
for your room. when You remember that YOU
left your key III the door and have forgotten
the number of the room. With a look so wild
that it would be impossible to ever tame it You
steer for what YOU believe to be the door and
bolt into Il room, when your ears are >alutcd
with a shrill. feminine gel out" and your eyes
behold - but on second thought no matter
what they behold. but you praucc out into the
next room and have the satisfaction of seeing
familiar paper collar, and two >oic> with bur
a single heel" and You are safe at home. and
You sink down on 4 stool, feeling as relieved as
though you had hidden your motllyr-in-aw
good bye.
You finally finish di,rebing and prepare to
get into bed. \ steamboat bunk j. Il wonder
full piece Of mechanism. It is made on the plan
Of boarding house pie. The clothes are SIM
ply laid on and are not tucked in: sort of spread
over like the crust Of pie, and crimped down
round the edge. When You first get into bed,
you discover yourself sticking out all round the
edges and although the sheet and spread seem
to be large enough, yet they don't cover YOU
any more than a good many life insurance poll
cies. You get up and read the regulations tack
ed on the door TO see if there are any directions
about going to bed, but finding none You shin
gle out a few courses ii the foot Of the bunk
with your coat and vest, and then prepare 10
get in.
As you turn down the clothes and get one
knee on the edge of the bunk, the boat seems
at that moment to run against Il stone wall or
something of that nature and without any
further ceremony you shoot across the berth
ana the roof of your head brings up against the
partition. Pulling your head out Of the boards
and brushing the SplintcrS from your hair YOU
finally get yourself, individually and collective
" laid down. The jar of the machinery shakes
the boat that YOU feel as though YOU had
gone to bed on the separator of a winnowing
machine. Every time you hear noise YOU
start up erect, and every time you start up You
bump your head against the Stats i'll the other
berth, till by morning your head feels as if YOU
had loaned it TO a base ball club to play match
game with.
Just as you are falling into 4 sleep the boat
stops, and the whistle blows. In Imagination
the boat sinks, and YOU and ali the rest Oh
board are about to drown and YOU begin search
ing for the life pIcserver, when the wheels be
gin TO turn again, and the winnowing machine
resumes work, and YOU sink back wondering
what will turn up next.
When you look at the rules of the boat which
are tackled on your door the first thing that
catches your eye is where you will find the
life preserNer. 1t is Il delicate way of telling
you that YOU may be drowned when you get up
the next morning. Now. knowing where it is
Kept and how to put il on are two distinct things
y life preservcr is a wonderful thing | have
gaZed hours al one and wondered what | should
do in case | were obliged to use it, There are
some things that the commonly balanced mind
cannot tathom, and life prescrver is one of
them. How to put on life preservcr or pair
of corsets is a sealed book to me- will not at
tempt to say how many times | have tried to
pick up pair of c0r>ets, empty ones, of course
and get them right side up, and never. accord
ing to my best rccollections, could tell which
was the top of them and which the bottom.
In the dim vista Of the future. in the far-off
time when everything will be made plain to us
who are now cropping in darkness. shall impa-
tlently wait for the solution of these two prob
lens, which i'll my mind are only secondary to
that national conundrum of Who struck Will
liam Patterson? Then hope that the Presery-