Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1883-05-24

zz~mzzz
Don't be in hurry about making
your will; such an act is always deaC
give-a-way.
Not all kings have palaces to live in
The King of Commassle, for example
lives in Ashantee.
CDR. Benson's Celery and Chamomil,
Pills for the cure Of Neuralgia are sue
cess" DR.. G. p. Holman, Christianburg
Va. 80 cents. at druggists. ma3-1m
AS long as some fellow doesn't ash
if the dog-star of the star-route trials
lisa Ker, the case will not so Sirius.
Order of the Bath-"All valuable
articles must be deposited in the safe
otherwise, the proprietor will not be
responsible"
'tAre you juryman'" asked the
clerk of the court of an intrusive Irish
man. "No, sir, I'm dhrayman," re-
pled Jne laGter.
Mr.. VIM. Doodle-"Yes, Miss Frost
l always wear gloves at night; they
make ones hands so soft" Miss
Frost-"Ah! and do you sleep with
your hat on2
Mary Stuart Face Powder. Harmless
Price 25 cents box at Humphreys.
nov2-1y.
Said Brown: "Smith won't have
so soft thing as he has had" 81
don't know" replied Robinson; "he'l
have soft thing as long as he doesn't
loose his head"
"Mr. Isaacs, can you tole me we're
vas the first diamond?" "No, Mr.
YawcoEs. We're vas it?' "Vy, Noah's
son on der ark. He vas a Shem ol
der fust water"
"Dead broke, eh2" queried Boston
man of seedy.looking individual
whom he saw passing into a shop
adorned with three golden balls. "No, v
was the curt reply, pawn broke"
Said student of one college to q
friend who was attsnding a rival IN.
stitution: "Your college never turns
out gentlemen" No." was the re-
ply. "Our college allows gentlemen
to 60 right on and graduate
They were boasting about ancestry.
"My forefathers," saik John, "came
over from England on the 'Mayhower.
"And my ancestry" said Pat, "kim
over from Jamestown on the Sun
flower It's aesthetic 1 am
A woman returning from market
got into a street-car the other day
with basket full of dressed poultry.
To her the driver, speaking sharply
said: "Fare!" "No," said the woman
"fowl!" And everybody cackled.
"Beg pardon, sir, but tould-hic-
you tell me which is the opposite side
of the street?' "Why, that side, SIR
(pointing across). "Mosh oblish. I
was sover there JUS now, and asked
mother gen'ln which was opps' side,
an he said this was"
S. S. West, Cleveland, says: II can
recommend Browns Iron ~Bitters as the
most popular medicine sell; it gives SAT-
isfaction every time"
Willie has a four-year-old sister
MARY, who complained to Mamma that
her button shoes were hurting her
"Why, Matte, you've put them on
the wrong feet" Puzzled and ready
to cry, she made answer: "What'll l
do, Mamma? They's all the feet I've
got" -.s.
The young man was trying to play
sober. He sat with the young lady on
the front steps. He studied for a
long time, trying to think of some
thing that would illustrate his sobriety.
Finally he looked up, and solemnly
said: "The (hic) moons as full as a
goose; amt it?"
Colored Doctor (wedded to no school)
II think I wouldn't aggervate myself,
Miz Jet'son. | don't think Mr.. JEFF
son critterkul; ef dar's no congestion
Nv de eppydermis, an reaction takes
place in de spinal collum, he will con-
valecent himself SOS to be about putty
SOON"
Says one, 'Kendall's SPAWN Cure is
the best liniment for human flesh ever
used," and thousands have extolled it in
similar terms.
Visiting Briton-"Ya.as, Miss Wos-
alind-but your pollticians-aw--are
a lot of cads, y knaw. You are-.aw
-wuled by set of wiotous wascals