Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-04-20
tH Dead Letters.


10 the Dead-letter Office is delivered to
the proper persons and this, too. with
ouc opening them to see who. is the
writer. This latter plan has been tried
ana found wanting, only seventy-two
per cent being delivered under that sys-
tenn. Iwenty-eight per cent. of all the
letters coming TO this Office are signed
with some pet name, giving no clew
whatever to their proper destination.
some OF these pet names are rather odd
and inappropriate. 1t was not unusual
TO md letter beginning ..Darling
Chickabiddy" and ending with Your
Loving Pig" One letter. probably from
a lady, began with the odd salutation,
Dear Old Leather Breeches.n and
closed with Your Loving Patch-on-the-
seat" 1t would be an interesting task
70 trace the progress of this courtship
from the introduction to the first christ
ening.
Not only are individual peculiarities
noticed in this Office, but even sectional
or provincial idiosyncrasacies. Thus the
Marylander generally lives in nothing
smaller than a county. Ask him his
address. and forty-nine out of fifty will
respond, Prince George, 81 or ..Oueen
Anne's," Charles County, or "NIont-
gomery County" They put two words
in their answer and never say "county,"
II Its name be composed of two words.
On the contrary, Massachusetts man
gives You his town, but never, except on
reflection, adds the county. Thus "John
Adams lives in sBraintree. Mass. :"
but ''Charles Carroll" resides in .sPrince
Georges, Md" And thus with the
other States.
The work of simplifying the labor OF
the clerks in their 'blind reading" and
analysis has been prodigiously lightened
by Mr.. +. j. Dallas, the Superintendent
OF the Office, who delights in the exercise
81 a very high order of analysis, as born
mathematician exuHs in unrayeling the
lntricacieS of tangled knot OF comic Sec
ions. or as a strong man glories in feats
of muscular strength. A couple of years
ago he compiled and published a street
directory, giving in compact shape the
names of the streets. avenues. alleys and
places" in all the free-delivery cities OF
he country, so by reference to the book
the city III which a certain street is To-
Gated may be determined at once. For
example. a letter was sent to the office
bearing this address: stephen John.
son, No. 80 Green Street, Springfield"
As there are a number of "Sprin gfelds"
m the United States, il may well be sup
posed the clerks in the railway mail ser.
vice were bothered. BY reference tc
Dallas directory, however, it was seen
hat of all the Springfields only Spring
1eld. Mass" had Green Street; hence
The letter was sent TO that particular city,
and reached its destination. a still more
puzzling address was that of '.Wm. T.
Moore, Esq, Common Street, between
Bail and Franklin" Here both city and
State were omitted. A reference toDal-
las directory showed that New Orleans
is the only city in which all these streets
can be found. Mr.. Moore accordingly
got his letter. An envelope, with the
words blouse of Representatives in
small printed capitals in the left-hand,
upper corner, was received, bearing the
address: NV. H. Shelmire, ESQ.,, 72O
SAMSON Street, Washington, d. c."
The writing was too good to be that of
member of Congress, so the suppose
ton was it was his clerks. The mistake
IN geography was natural enough for a
Congressman and for Congressman's
clerk. so the dead-letter office delivered
the letter in Philadelphia, the only city
which has a "Sansom' Street.
At first sight the following address,
written rs only an Austrian Slovak could
write. seems a puzzler: "Mr. Anton
Fedlicka, Zion Pleis, No. II North
Amerika" 1t wasn't circumstance to
the beautiful and talented young lady
I 81 in, hn I L..
handled it. ''Zion's Plejs' was evil
IDENTIFY 'Zion's Place." 1t was evident
there was only one city in the country
wtose inhabitants were piOus and moral
eh lugh TO have place for Zion in their
midst, so the letter was instantly sent
to Chicago.
4 letter was received at this Office adj
dressed, in a somewhat Struggling, not
to say picturesque chirogaphy, to ''Mr.
Alert Mcfendon, Clay Uigg ga tefe fair
cGdnty." That was all a Republican
re porter could make of it, even after
looking at il through his spectacles re.
versed. The young lady clerk, with
YES brilliant enough to illuminate even
q darker subject, glanced att moment
aid read: - Mr.. Albert McLendOn.
Claysviile. Telfair County, Ca" As the
reporter had been very positive that the
address was in phonetic Choctaw he felt
Somewhat discouraged when the above
reading was made. 1t was astonishing,
after the true rendering had been an.
nounced, how very plain the address
seemed.
Still another envelope had been adj
dressed BY an Italian, and read thus:
"Pea Pizbriac alle Mani del Signor Gio-
sani Neolrezi veagihai Malatesta No.
81" When punctuation marks had been
given out at school the writer of the
above was playing truant and did not
get his share. l. consequently looked
Is dubious as theological dogma after
discussion in Pnn-Eyangelical council.
But the young lady who tackled it is
famous for knitting the most extraordi.
nary tatting that the Office has ever seen,
10 she went at it with confidence. Fort
lnately. she had never studied italian,
and hence was free from any entanglino
alliances. The first word seemed plain
snough: the second at first trial resolved
tself into ''pistachio, I" .and;he third was
evidently ALLEY" Hence she read
Peanut Alley" But this didn't har
monte with the rest of the sentence, and
here was no legally named Peanut
alley in the country. She tried again.
Being Baptist. and having thousand
times when a Sunday school girl beep
taught BY her pastor that the Greeks
spelled ''baptizo," and pronounced
'baptidzo.'' she remembered this, and
he solution of the problem at once
dashed upon her eager mind. ..Pizn-
pitts, '.breac'' burg, Pittsburgh! s'Pea'r
was the Italian for Pa. "Eurekar'
thought the lady; at least she meant