Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-10-20
Social Obligations.

rom the Cincinnati Week
"a bow" says La Fontaine, 'is note drawn
at sight. You are bound to acknowledge it i'm
mediately to the full amount" That an invita-
ton to lady's house to take part in any fes-
tivlties which may be. going on is a much more
conspicuous attention than a bow everybody
will concede, and yet very many people who
consider themselves very "good FORM" and
would be shocked to be told the contrary, do
not honor their invitations at sight. and
some do not even acknowledge them at all.
Even when the cabastic r. s. V. p
(RepOndez SN VOus pldit) is engraved upOn the
card it sometimes fails to secure an answer-as
has been illustrated within the past few DAYS at
one of the handsomest receptions ever given in
this city, in honor of a guest of pre-eminent
social position. At least One-third of the five
hundred invites signited in no way their ap-
probation OF the honor conferred upon them.
and at least another third sent regrets or ac-
ceptances on the day of the affair, and nobody
appears to be aware that anybody has violated
the code OF manners. 1t is a rule in wel-bred
London society, upon which our usages are
founded, that all invitations should be an
sWered as soon as possible after receiving
them. A well-bred London man answers ali
invitations as soon as he reads them; and
frequently, in his bachelor apartments arranGes
them in turn down either side Of his mirror. so
That at glance upon the open pages OF each ne
can see what his engagements ARE for weeks
TO come Ii invitations were thrown to one side
70 De answered at leasure, as is frequently done
win us, multiplicity of engagements would lead
to entire forgetfulness, and to what is regarded
by punctiOus people as one of the most unpar-
donable of all rudenesses-nO notice taken OF an
invitation: All refined people, who are accus-
toned to the best social forms. are fully agreed
that it would be an objectionable negligence TO
omit replying to an invitation for day, and thew
consider the delicate intimatiOn conveyed in the
II. s. V. +. even as faint reprOach to their
breeding. But there are good many people to
whom ANSWER, or stay at home" at the foot of
the page, would not be hint too broad
The French have saying, that is applicable to
all notes of invitation, to the effect "that it is as
important to reply as promptly to a note reouir-
ing an answcr as to question asked in speak
ing Ii this necessity could be impressed upon
society at large, it would be most fortunate
circumstance for ladies who are 80 kind as to
open their houses for purposes of hospitality.
The usual mode adopted for all formal invita-
lions, acceptances and regrets by the best bred
people admits of little variation. The simpler
s slle form tne better, but one must discriminate
between curtness and simplicity. To say that
you decline" or ''cannot accept" is not civil
form OF regret. To write simply 'cOmpliments.
and regrets" or compliments. and accept.
ance, is not courteous form of reply, though
there may be no premeditated rudeness. That
all regrets should contain reason for regret
tlnS is an axiom among well-bred people,
"A previous engagement" is the phrase when
one has an engagement at home or away from it.
or mas no inclination to accept, which makes it
quite necessary for those who really regret their
inability to mention what their engagement
u.s. One regrets, or regrets extremely, sim
tended absence from home deprives him OF the
pleasure of accepting" etc. One is not able to
accept owing to illness of a member of the
household-death of near relative-or some
other grave and sufficient reason
The simplest acceptance is all sufficient Par
example:
Mr.. and Mrs. Jones' Brown accept, with pleas
nre Cor, are most happy to accept), Mr. and
Mrs. Smith-RObinsOns kind invitation for
Thursday evening, the nineteenth instant.
No long, verbal apologies are necessary from
those who have been unable to accept an invita-
ton OF any kind if they have worded their re-
grets properly, and sent them promptly, beyond
brief allusOn which civility requires. A too
labored apology is bad FORM as it gives the an
pearance that one somehow imagines that the
success Of the affair was somewhat marred by
ones nOn-appearance Poiiteness is good feel
ing set to rue-in no way is it more conspicn-
ousy shown than in an immediate and cour-
teous acceptance or declnation of an invita-.
ton.