The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-01-17
WIT AND HUM0R.
Mankind descended from pair.
Mankind S franhlas from an anllle

| Mankind troubles from an apple.
Can deaf man tickle nine young La
dies?-No; but he can just tickle
eight.
II men will persist in riding bicycles,
women should be justified in reding-
otes.
Mixed society is like mixed pickles.
All becomes of tho same flavor if kept
together long enough.
Somebody says ''ballet girls are not
so bad as they are pantedv We hope
not! They are painted frightfully.
Marriages make men thoughtful.
About half their time is spent in form
ing excuses.
There is an East Indian lady in Paris
who can talk in twelve languages For
tunately she is not married.
Bridegroom's motto Every free trans
lation). Venil vidin vici.!! I've been!
and gone.! and done it'll
Some people object to the practice of
fleeing walters, but does not the smiling
morn tip the hills with gold9
The Popular Scientific Monthly asks:
what are crowds2' The science of
love says the third party is large
crowd.
The best thing about rainbow is
that it does not stay out after dark. 1t
has not the absurd habits of the crank
comet
A Cleveland man has invented a
vacuum gum This is bad. 1t is al
ways the empty gun that kills the small
boy.
Yes" said the captain of the ocean
steamship. I'VE had very expensive
trip this time. Very little sca-sickness;
passengers ate frightfully
Physicians say that people sleep bet
ter if the head of the bed is placed to
the north. But it depends good deal
where the baby's head is.
Uncle Jake Reade, of Yonkers, upon
reading at the end of friends mar
riage notice, mo cards." sent him
euchre deck by the first mail.
Some captious critic calls bay win
dow IAN architectural impertinence.'
On the same principle, bay tree may
be designated garden sass"
A man at Omaha found So on the
streets, and he advertised the find to the
extent of 81 and made the loser foot the
bill. 1t is sometimes disagreeable to
meet with an honest man.
A beer garden need not necessarily
berry. If there is beer at the bar and
wdust on the floor, no one cares a
cent for the garden part
A Montana woman sued for di-
vorce because her husband kissed the
asked the Judge. Il do"
said she. Then" said the Judge, II
shall not divorce you from him."
Il
what he thought of his two sons, who
we're both preachers. t.Well,'' he re-
,lied, George has a better show in his
hop window than John, but John has
. larger stock in his warehouse
A Cambridge, Mass, man arrived in
frontier village recently, Just as
rang of cowboys had taken the town.
His first exclamation was: We'll, l do
Ieclare! Ididn't believe you folks had
college here alreadyr'
why are those things on your dress
allied bugle trimmings?'' George
Fanted to know. oh" Emily replied
ghtiv. Il guess it's because pa blows
o over the bill.''
What is the difference between econ
my and meannessp Well, if a man
queezes to save little money. he calls
ess. 1t depends on who does the call
10.
During the occupation of Egypt by
he British army, colonel sauntering
utside his camp, near the Gezireh pal
ce. vas hailed by a sentry, ''You must
OF go there, SIR do you see who /
m-Col. Pr Yes. sir | know.
ut the harm ladies' are living in that .
Ouse, and the orders are from Sir Gar
ct that he is not to be let in there him.
IF, if he wants to-
Philadelphia women have just organ
ed society to reform hardened GRIM
ais. and the board of aldermen is
vful nervous every time a woman's
ice is heard in the corridor of the city
III.
81 wish you wouldn't talk so about
,od people, said woman to her hus-
md. They all have their failings;
1t many of them will get to heaven
fore you do.' II sincerely hope so,"
as the curt reply. He was in no hurry
60.
Although at its recent session the
nerican Scientific Association ex-
aimed at length the succulent and nu-
tive qualities of the paleozoic cock
ach, that luscious creature hasnot yet
pplanted frogs legs at the toney res.
nrants
81 have been married now" boosted
orosy old fellow, more than thirty
ars, and have never given my wife a
0ss word.'' That's because YOU
yer dared, uncle,'' said little neph- :
who lived with them. IF you had, !
mite W0lfd haya aHa Won iY1Y,1ya | y