Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-07-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

q companion in the most approved style.
| tell him he is as hollow-chested as a box
| of Strawberries.
1t is strange, yet true, that no matter
| how much YOU batter at knot, when
| you batter it out you always leave the
knot hole.
no" said bride, Il am not willing
| that our wedding tour should include the
Yellowstone park Yellow don't agree
with my complexion.
Statistics show that boy babies are
more apt to die than girl babies. Bows
can not stand continual hugging, rs
girls can.
Digby has been working hard at Ital-
ian all winter and resolves to try little
on q newly-arrived emigrant: ''Parlate
Italiano, signor?" Emigrant: ''Arrah!
Now what are We givin' us?''
''Can you change a $50 gold-piece9"
he asked, as he gently placed the empty
glass on the counter. Yes, said the
bartender. ''Wen, I'll 90 out and see
if can find one"
Hostess Nov, don't stay out here
all the evening" Host-'We'n join
"
Screechy is going to sing, you know"
J Host-"Oh, well, say an hour
Two BARRIERS have been lynched out
West. There was probably sufficient
prOvocation for the act. They had evil
| IDENTITY suggesteda shampoo, sir?" once
| too often.
Did you ever notice how suddenly a
timid woman who is humming al oper-
attic air will switch off on to a religious
hymn when n storm comes up and she
hears the first clap of thunder?
Given to Failing Said the girl who
had quarreled with her lover: ''Oh, it's
all right! Harry said he should try to
forget me, but he always fails in every
thing he undertakes. y
There is still one thing in favor of
the dude-he will never blow out his
brains for any woman. A charge ofshot
fired into an empty space would not hit
anything.
A Cincinnati belle, in reply to the
question whether there was much cult
waited and refined society in her native
city, is reported as having replied: ''You
iist bet your boots that we're cultiva-
| ted crowd"
In modern Egypt a young man is not
permitted to see his Wife's face before
| marriage. AS q consequence not infre-
quently soon after marriage he makes
I'D his mind that he never wants to see
it again.
Charlie seem to enjoy life behind
| that pair Of trOtters," quoth Smithers
to Rather, rs q mutual friend sped
! past them at Il 40 gait. ''Whv should
not hep" answered r.. 'slife is but q
span"
Sullivan has joined Il base ball club.
| When we learned some time ago that he
had entered the prize ring, we predicted
that he would 90 from bad to worse but
we didn't suppose his downward career
would be so rapid.
/ Laugh and the world laughs with
you," sings Ella Wheeler. Well, yes,
sometimes. And sometimes it laughs at
you That is the time when your
share in the fun is reduced to mini
mum.
| Pretty but very cheap chintz dresses
are now worn on the streets by ladies of
wealth The fashion was started by
sensitive mistresses who wish to avoid
being mistaken for their servants, who
wear silk.
Some one says mo thoroughly occupied
man was ever miserable" That man
| evidently don't know what it is to at
tempt the feat of keeping twin babies
quiet while their mother goes to
| church.
| The temperance movement has made
rapid progress since this time year
| AGO. At least we have strong grounds
| for thinking so. The sea serpent has
not been seen in the vicinity of one of
! the watering places this season.
| have often noticed that gallant
young men walking with their sweet
hearts offer the left arm while devoted
married men with their wives offer the
right arm. Why is this? Edith: The
! left arm is nearest the heart; the right
arm is nearest the pocket-book.
A ''whistling buoy" has been placed
in the ocean at Southeast Ledge. That's
! right. There are number of Whistlino
| boys in this town who should also be
| placed in the ocean-as near the bottom
as possible.
! An esteemed New Orleans cotempo-
rary declares that dignity kills 4 picnic.
! Such may be the case in the South. Up
this way u heavy shower of rain lasting
an hour would kill the most undignified
picnic deader than the middle mackerel
in the barrel.
Mrs. Bricbrack devoted nearly three
weeks to decorating 4 large jar and
then had it spoiled in the firing" Brio
brack came home inebriated one night,
stumbled over the thing and fired it out
of the house He ''fired'' it too hard,
and the pieces couldn't be put together.
The New Orleans Pjcayune, by way
of showing off its acquaintance with
great men, says ''there is New Yorker
named Spinola who is noted for his
snirt-collar" Are shirt-collars in the
South so rare that q man with one of
them is subject of remark?
In north Brazil there are no profess
SiOna1 draSSma karS the finest ladies rs