Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-09-14
BRIGHT BITS.

FEEDING GRAIN 10 cattle doesn't make
cOrned beef Of them.
II you could put salt on a BIRDS tail il
would be sailed down. Of course.
GEORGIA always did say it would get
even with the North. and now it's shipped
5000 carloads Of wateTmelOns here
Philadelphia NelrS.
REALLY. love, / had a delightful time
at the ball last night" II should judge so.
darling; / heard you. three times, order
the waiter to bring more cherrapin and
tampagne. life.
II SAY. Paddy. that is the worst looking
horse that | have ever seen in harness.
Why don't YOU fatten him up" 'Fatten
him up. is it: Fax, the poor haste can
scarcely carry the little mate that's on
HIM now" replied Paddy.
DAKOTA is four times as big as Ohio
saws an exchange. Yes. and locomotive
blowing OF steam is mOre'n forty times as
big as a ten-year-old baby, but when one
wants to be quiet and at rest he gets near
the locomotive, doesn't heE-R0cheSter
Post ErpreSS.
On the edge Of a small river in the coun-
" Of Cavan, in Ireland, there is-Or used
to be-a stone with this inscription cut
upon it. no doubt intended for the infor-
nation of strangers travelling that way:
IN B-When this stone is out of sight it
is not safe to ford the river"
.sBEGoRRA," said an inebriated Hiber-
nian the other daY as he saw Chinaman's
head sticking out Of a coal hole in the
pavement. "phat do thin hathin devils
care for a tratie. at all, at all, WIN
they've dug a tunnel clane through, SO
they have San Francisco Post.
How peaceful is the night.
The moon pours love and light
DER ali the scene;
The house dog glares askance.
With a shred Of lovers pants
HIS teeth between
-Barljngton Free Press.
THE most touching episode in Mr.. Jay
Colds autobiography, as given by himself
before the Senate Committee, was the mar
ration Of how once. in the sweetly lnnO-
cent DAYS Of his youth, while the angels
still chOired to the yOung-eyed cherubim
and all heaven thrilled with eXpectant
Joy. he actually earned a dollar.-LQe.
Il UNDERSTAND that you referred to
me as a pig, sir remarked pOmpOus
elderly gentleman to a young man who
had spoken disparagingly OF him TO third
person. you have been miSintOrmed,
SIR" replied the young man. Il hope
that | know better than to refer to per-
son of your advanced age as a pig
ROcbeSter POst-ErDreSS.
AN IRISH professor said to his class:
Gentlemen, if every one Of you will do
me the favor Of remaining perfectly quiet
for a few minutes we shall be better able
to distinguish who the individual is that
is making the row." which is quite equal
to a medical report which began thus;
There exists at the present time great
number Of influential families in Dublin
who have all died with the cholera
Mrs. MENACE about TO spend her first
night in the new house into which she is
moving 80 | will sleep here, Bridget, and
YOU can take a sofa down stairs" Brid-
get presenting herself about an hour
later p" Ii ven come to the stairs, mum,
ven see | can't lug il alone" Mrs. NJ.
electrified at seeing the large library
lounge wedged in the stairway -" What
does this mean" Bridget" Sure,
mum. twas yourself told me to take q
sofy down stairs; and this is the only one
that's been brought up here at all, num-"
THE voice of the old Judge was choked
with emotion as he went on speaking:
miserable creature, six times have you
appeared before me at this bar. Drink
has drowned in you all sense Of shame
made you insensible not only to disgrace,
but to any feeling Of humanity. Your
children are branded with the stigma OF
drunkard's name, and starved by a
drunKard's appetite. Rum shows itself
i'm your trembling limbs and in your
bleared and watery eyes; it has made Of
your nose a warning beacon" "Chudge,
tOndt you gall no names to dot nose. Dot
nose vas a pig. high-doned nose as you
meier see, unit. Chudge. dot nose was year
full ashame OF me. Chust you watch him
plush. "-L0e.