The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-01-24
WIT AND HUMOR,

'"NV '"'"VdhJS VI your relations
Aminadab says the balance Of trade
Is generally some two ounces shor
You can hold an opinion more firmly
than you can clutch hornet. :
Men who have money to loan take
the greatest possible interest in their
business.
Time works wonders, as the wo.
man said when she got married after a
thirteen years cOurtship.
Some people object to the practice of
feelng walters, but does not the smiling
morn tip the hills with gold? o
Why are the top punches in \ box Of
ralslns like hens in hay loft? They
are the upper layers
lnquirer-No; that mysterious false
prophet OF the Soudau is not wealth.
er prophet
a man in Syracuse boasts that he has
had 9O2 colds in the head in one wear.
He'd better rent his head for an ice.
box
What would you do, Mr.. NJ. if YOUR
wife died?' asked MIS-. d. Mr.. NJ.
(who is very methodcaD-' would
bury her"
Some Of the Asiatics arc now cookipo
their meals on Yankee stoves, This i
preferable TO the old styles Of serving
up Yankees on Asiatic stoves
The stage-driver, in describing the
steepness Of certain Vermont noun.
tam, said that "chain litenin' couldn't
20 down it without brcechin' on"
When rain falls, If she gets the bigger
hail OF The umbrella. thew are lovers: if
he takes the bigger bali, thoy are mar.
ried.
Buffalo Bill has at last found mana.
ger willing to take him to England, but
what the public will next want 10 know
Is whether be is 10 be left there or mo-.
Would-be rivals Of Mrs. Lanctry IN
beauty hold Jumps Of ice to their chceks
when they arise in the morning. Thi,
Is sn Ice way to avoid using rouge.
Calino is in deep mourning. Have
yon lost someone?N friend asks. ALAS.
no; i Is my lease which has just ex.
pred''
The traveller in England always no.
tees singular anomaly the weather
is always vet and the people are al.
ways dry.
Stage-robbers run only one chance in
fifty Of being hurt in their feelings. I, |
is the passenger, that usually suffer- in
that way.
The man who travels one thousand
miles in one thousand hours may b.
tolerably quickfootcd; but he isn't
touch TO the woman who keeps M with
the fashions
A New jersey Judge has decided
that II is not = threat to tell man that
you will walk around on his collar-bone.
1t is merely preamble TO a roll IN tho
mud and no one hurt
The verdict of the coroners Jury at
Tunbridge Wells on the death Of 4 child
was: The child was suilocated, but
there is no evidence to show that the
Suliocation was before or after death"
Bacon was the man who said 1.-THE
best part Of beauty is that which pict
ures can not express" The old man
had evidently bad his photographs Ia.
ken, and just got the proofs
The sigual-service station ON Pixies
Peak is 1860 feet above the level of
the sen. The operators will have To
provide themselves with long f.h-lnes
If they catch anything.
1t is only fifty years ago that the first
locomotive was built in Philadelphia.
No wonder that no more than 8. OOj rail.
road men were killed last wear Give
Inc locomotive time to develop.
4 very pretty girl in Missouri pre-.
vented collision by waving her apron.
Had she remained out of sight the re.
'ult would have been the same. how.
'ver, rs then the engineers would have
)een Watching the track instead of
ooklHg al the pretty girl
Miss Mary Hobart is ecturinc in Phil.
aadelphia on How to Wash BABY"
In city where hydrants and garden.
hose are so plentiful il would not seem
that lecture of this kind would pay.
The Italians have gone into the ere. |
nation business more extensively than {
any other nation. An Italian widower, |
VINO is permitted BY custom to marry G
again in a few weeks, can't bother TO
keep anybody's grave green. j
A New York bank keeps man out. -,
SIDE the railing for no other purpose t
nan to say Next window to those !
VINO 60 to tho wrong one, It would v
axe six men to direct all who go to tho
wrong window in Chicago banks. ?
young lawyer recently said that he
iaa settled in certain town TO try and .
make an honest living, when bys,and. v
VI Iace'iously remarked that he ought y
o succeed, as there was not much com. u
EDITION in his profession. u
London newspaper has nm article h
=, The Emotional Language of Bees"
he language of bee il not an emo. -
lona as that of a man who is bitten bv y
no tail end of the insect. Nor ms en-. -
hattie and sulphurous. ~ !"
IL is during these days of business ri
hat clergyman, on selecting chap.
,r OF the bible to preach from In OF
nurCh, first looks M tina md of tho Inst n