The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-03-08
Initiated in Masonry.
THE BAD BOYS ROYAL BUMPER.
lBeadie's Weekly

[Beadies Weekly.]
wish me and my chum had muzzled our
goat with pillow. Pa would have enjoyed
his becoming a member OF our lodge better.
GU see, pa had been telling us how much
good the Masons and Odd Fellows did, and
SAID we ought to try and grow up good so
that we could jine the lodges when we got
big, and asked pa If it would do any burt for
us to have play lodge in my room and pre-
tend 10 nishiate, and pa SAID it wouldn't do
any hurt. He saidy it would improve our
minds and learn us to be men.
my chum and me borrowed goat that
lives In livery stable, and carried HIM up to
my room, when pa and ma was out riding, but
the goat blatted, so we had to tie handker-
Chief around his uose, and his feet made such
noise on the floor that we put some baby s
seeks on his feet. Well, sir, my chum and
me practised with that goat until he could but
a picture OF goat every time. We borrowed
buck beer sign of saloon man and hung 1t
on the back OF a chair, and the goat would hit
it every time.
/ That night pa wanted to know what we
We're doing up in my room, and told him we
were playing lodge and improving our minds
and pa said thai was right There was nothing
that did boys of our age half SO much good as
to initiate men, and store by useful nollidge.
Then my chum asked pa if he didn't want to
come up and take grand bumper degree, and
pa LATED and said he didn't care if he did, just
TO encourage us boys in innocent pastime, that
was so improving to our intellect. We had
shut the goat up in u closet in my room, and
he had got oyer his batting so we took off
the handkerchief, and he was eating some of
my paper collars and skate straps.
We went up stairs and told pa to come up
pretty soon and give three distinct raps, and
rl,av bod l,n hone he,
say "a pilgrim who wants to join your ancient
order and ride the goat" Ma wanted to
come up too, but we told her if she come in
| 1t would break up the lodge, cause woman
couldn't keep secrets, and we didn't have any
siGe-saddles for the goat.
Say, eff you have never tried it, the next
time you 'nishiate man in your Mason's
lodge, you sprinkle little kyan pepper on the
goats beard just before you turn him loose.
You can get three times as much to the square
inch Of goat You wouldn't think it was the
same goat.
Well, we got all fixed, and pa raped, and
we let him in and told him be must be blind
folded, and he got on his knees a-laffing, and
tied towel around his eyes, and then turned
him around, and made him get down on his
hands also,and then his back was right toward
the closet door, and put the buck beer sign
right against pas clothes He was a-latfiing
all the time, and SAID we boys were full of fun
as they made 'em, and we told him ii was
solemn occasion, but we wouldn't permit no
levity, and if he didn't stop laffing we couldn't
give him the grand bumper degree.
Then everything was ready, and my chum
had his hand on the closet-door, and some
kyan pepper ready in his other hand, and l
asked pa, in low tones, if he felt as though he
wanted to turn back or if he had nerve enough
to go ahead and take the degree. | warned
him that it was full of dangers, as the goat was
loaded for beef, and told him he yet had time to
retrace his steps if he wanted. He said he
wanted the whole busine IS, and we could go
ahead with the menagerie.
Then | said to pa that if he had decided to
go ahead and not blame us for the conse-
Quences, to repeat after me the following
Bring forth the royal bumper, and let him
bumpsw Pa repeated the words, and my
chum sprinkled the kyan pepper on the goats
mustache and he sneezed once and looked
sassy and then he sees the lager beer goat
r'aring up and he started fer it just like a COW
catcher and plated.
Pals real fat but he knew he had got hit
and he grunted and said Hail fire what you
boys don ?" and then the goat gave him an
other degree, and pa pulled off the towel and
got up and started for the stairs, and so did
the goat, and ma was at the bottom of the
stairs listening and when | looked over the
banisters pa and ma and the goat were all in
heap, and pa was yelling murder and ma was
screaming fire, and the goat was batting and
sneezing and butting, and the hired girl came
into the hail and the goat took after her, and
she crossed herself just as the goat struck her
and said "Howly mother, protect me |" and
went down stairs the way we boys slide down
HILL with both hands on herself, and the goat
r'ared up and blatted, and pa and ma went
into their rooms and shut the door, and then
my chum and me opened the front door and
drove the goat out.
The minister who comes to see ma three
times week was just ringing the bell, and the
goat thought he wanted to be Insulated, too,
and gave him one for luck and then went
down the sidewalk blatting and sneezing, and
the minister came in the parlor and said he
was stabbed, and then pa came out of his room
with his suspenders hanging down, and as he
didn't know the minister was there, he said
cuss words, and ma cried and told pa he would
go to - sure, and pa said he didn't care, he
would Kill that cussed goat afore he went, and
told pa the minister was in the parlor, and
he and ma went down and said the weather
was prnpitious for revival, and it seemed as
though an outporing Of the spirit was ABOUT
TO be vouchsafed to his people. and none of
them sot down but ma, cause the goat didn't
hit her.