The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1883-06-22
ADVENTURES Or j,i1 A i itl.l
He Resolves TO Eeadf o Different Life
.sa hut His Chum Qoasn,r

.
to leada different life," said the grocery
man to the bad boy, as the youth came
in with his pockets full Of angle worms,
and wanted to borrow q baking powder
can to put them into while he went fish
ing, and he held q long angle worm up
by the tail and let it wiggle SO it fright.
ened girl that had come in after two
cents worth of yeast, so she dropped
her pitcher and went out of the grocery
as though she was chased by an ana
conda.
II am going to lead different life,
but q boy can't change his whole course
of life in a minute, can he? Grown per-
sons have to 60 on probation for six
months, before they can lead different
life, and half the time they lose their
cud before the six months expire, and
have to commence again."
"But what is this hear" asked the
grocery keeper, "about your "a fighting
q duel with the minister in your back
yard: and wounding HIM in the leg, and
then trying to drown himself in the cis-
in here this morning aud told me there
was murder in the air at your house last
night"
"You see" said the boy" since pa got
that backing on his face he don't 20
him ma in vited in few friends to spend
the evening, Ma has got up around,
and the baby is a daisy, only it smells
like goat, on account of drinking the
goats milk. Ma invited the minister
among the rest, and after supper tho
men went up into pas library to talk.
o, you think am bad, don't you? but Of
the nine men at our house last night, l
am an angel compared to what they we're
when they were boys. I got into the
bathroom to untangle my fish-line, and
It IS next to pas room, and could
hear everything they said, but went
away cause thought the conversation
would hurt my morals. They would all
steal, when they were boys, but darned
If ever stole. Pa has stole over hum
dred loads of watermelons, one deacon
used 10 rob orchards, another one shot
tame ducks belonging to a farmer, ald
the minister was the worst of the lot,
cause he took a seine, with some other
boys, and went to stream where
neighbor was raising brook trout, and
cleaned the stream out, and, to ward #
suspicion, he went to the man next day
and paid him dollar to let him fish in
there were no trout, and the owner
found the trout were stolen, and laid it
to some Dutch boys. .....
'sWell, lately somebody has been bur-
Cling our chicken coop, and pa loaded an
old musket with rock salt, and said he
would fill the fellow full of salt if he
caught him, and while they were talk
i'd upstairs ma heard a rooster squawk,
and she went to the stairway and told
pa there was somebody in the hen house.
Pa jumped up and told the visitors to
follow him. and they would see q man
running down the alley full of salt, and
he rushed out with the gun. and the
crowd followed him. Pa is shorter than
the rest and he passed under the first
wire clothes-line in the yard all right,
and was going for the hen house on q
jump, when bis neck caught the second
wire clothes-line just as the minister and
two of:the deacons caught their necks
under the other wire. You know how
a wire, hitting man on the throat, will
set him back, head over appetite. Well,
sir, I was looking out the back window,
and I wouldn't be positive, but I think
they all turned-back somersaults, and
struck on their ears. Anyway, pa did,
and the gun must ave been cooked, or
it struck the hammer on stone, for it
went off, and it was pointed towards the
house, and three of the visitors got salt
ed. The minister was hit the
worst, one piece Of salt taking him in
the hind leg, and the other in the back,
and he yelled asI though it was dyna-
mite. I suppose when you shoot man
with salt, it smarts, like when you get
corned beef brine on your chapped
hands. They all yelled. and pa seems
to have been knocked silly, someway,
for he pranced around and seemed to
think he had killed them. He swore at
the wire clothes line, and then missed
pa, and heard a splash like when vol
throw u cat in the river, and then
thought of the cistern, and went down
and We took pa by the collar, and pulled
him out. Oh, he was awful damp. No,
sir, it was no duel, at all. but :, naxident
and didn't have any thing to do with
it. The gun wasn't loaded to kill, and
the salt only went through the skin, but
those men did yell. Maybe it was my
chum that stirred up the chickens; but I
didn't. know. He has not commenced
to lead a different life yet, and he might
think it would make our folks sick if
nothing occurred to make them pay at
tention. I think where a family has
been having good deal of exercise, the
way ours has, it hurts them to break off
too suddenly. But the visitors went
home real quick, after we got pa out of
the cistern, and the minister told ma he
always felt, when be was in our house,
as though he were on the verge of a
yawning crater, ready to be engulfed
any minute, and he guessed he wouldn't
come any more"