The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-06-22
WIT AND HUMOR.s

liam, ''if the big catechism is cate
chism amt the smaller catechism a
Observation-Disclosures Levity.
| An old lady was asked her opinion
about Mrs. Smith, her next-dOor neigh
Dor. "Well," she said, 81 am not the
one to speak i'll of anybody, but l feel
very sorry for Mr.. Smith"
Holmes New York dinner poem was
telegraphed West, and the line.
therefore scant the breathing courtesy"
was printed,
Therefore scent the breathing cookery"
| Scotch minister: "JOhn, I'm afraid
| you are on the broad road" Inebriated
parishiOner: "Weel, minister, as far
as Pm concerned the breadth is a. re-
CURED
| The first passenger train passed over
the Pemigewasset Railroad a short
time since. If that word should ever
get upon the track there will he a fear
ful smash-np.
''Here, now" said mother to her
little boy. take this good medicine.
It's sweet as sugar" Mamma, love
little brother" the boy replied. 'give it
to him. "-ArkanSaW Trareier.
II notice that Secretary Chandler
brought an American naval vessel safe.
ly through a two-day's voyage. l shall
take my summer vacation this year with
perfect confidence. Triton.
An Owen county (Ky.) hen sat on fif-
teen eggs and brought out nineteen
chickens, says an exchange. The hen
must be shrewd one, or else there's
newly-hatched lie out.
A compositor who was puzzling over
one Of Horace Grceley's manuscripts
| sagely and savagely remarked: III
BelshazZar had seen this handwriting
on the wall. he would have been more
terrified than he was"
In lecture the other evening, Bob
Burdette said: Speaking of the tele-
| phone, one hundred years ago it would
have been thought an invention of the
| devil-and sometimes think it is
| nOw."%
Posters for the annual goat show
are displayed in great many windows.
Some Of the goats must be very well
trained, for most of the pictures repre-
sent them sitting on a key and drinking
cold tea from tumbler.
what are you going to do when you
grow up if you don't know how to CT
pherP' asked teacher of slow boy.
"Pm going to be a school teacher and
make the boys do the ciphering," was
the reply.
Omaha has high-schOOl Principal
who makes written contracts with the
boys to the effect that, after being called
up certain number Of times, they shall
he whipped; and he says the plan works
finely.
"There is" says the Boston Herald,
"a good deal of fitness in the selection
of MIR. Evarts as the orator for New
York at the opening of the big bridge.
He can suspend sentence in the ain
longer than any other man in America.
On the street: 81 understand that
you own great many houses and small
farms in the suburbs. "Yes." "Do
you live on any of themp" "No."
Then you don't raise anything?" ..Oh,
yes; every spring raise rents"
A German went to friend and said
Tomorrow l owe you $4,000. l am
ruined. l cannot pay it, and cannot
shleep q wink" The creditor said: "Vy
didn't you Wait to dell me tomorrow
Now neither can shleep Wink
what is lady's sphere?" askcdfht
lady Principal of a public school on eX-
animation day. And little red-headed
urchin in the corner sluealed: .'Mice!"
In the dreadful confusion that followed,
the freckled-faced fiend escaped.
They were Boosting about ancestry.
my fOrefathers," said John, "came
over from England on the Mayfower.
.'And my ancestry" said Pat, "kim oven
from jamestown OH the SunilOwer It's
aesthetic, am. begorra"-LoweH Cit.
zen.
Mr.. George William Curtis, editor Of
Harper's Monthly, says that woman
will never reach her proper develop
ment until she ceases to DC under the
dictation of man." Mr.. Curtis seems
to have struck new variety Of fe-
males.
Two self-accuscd humorists of Ohio
have had fight over the authorship of
the facetiOus phenomenon and laugh
jerking success, who ever saw Il tree
box?" The bone of contention between
these two giant minds, evidently is not
their funny-bOne.
The daughter of the Duke and Ouch
ess of Albany was baptized few days
ago with the name of "Alice Mary Vie
tOria Augusta Pauline" If Alice eats
homemade pie she may some time
have dream nearly rs long as her
name.
why" asked governess of her
little charge, ''do we pray 10 God to
give us our daily bread? Why don't
we ask for four or five days or a
weok?" Because we want il fresh"
replied the ingenious child.
The other morning little boy who
was eating shad for his breakfast be-
came very much eXasperated ut the an
nOyance The bones caused him, when he
yelled out: Mamma, why don't some
body make shads without splinters in
them? My throat feels as though it had
been sliding down cellar door for a
month without stopping"
Many years ago quaint old divine
named DIR. Richards preached in Han
over, N. H. At a conference of minis
tiers once held in that town, each cler-
gyman was called upon to give some of
his more remarkable experiences. -
When DIR. Richards turn came he held
that he had no experiences to give.
But" said one, you must have had a
difficult congregation to preach to, COM
posed Us it is Of the villagers, the Fac
ulty of Dartmouth College and the stu
dents" 'Well," said the Doctor, ''the
fact is, the villagers don't know enough
| to make me afraid of them; as for the
Faculty, know more than all of them;
and in regard to the students, don't
care copper for any of them"
When a man goes TO circus he usu-
ally goes to enjoy himself. went to
Barnum's circus the other night and
enjoyed myself. l, of course, had a
seat in box with some friends, and in
| a iull of conversation noticed couple
of dudes in the next box, each of whom
| wished to bet on the woman who drove
| against the man in the Roman chariot
race. Finally the discussion as to who
should bet upon the woman was settled,
and dude No. bet $l.13 ON the lady.
Dude No 2 bet SO cents on the man.
Just at this moment the race began.
| The woman took the lead. She was
passed on the corner of the track by the
mans team, and the excitement grew.
The dudes could hardly contain them
selves. Around the last corner flew the
teams, and as they passed the judges
stand the cry went up, The man wins
by a neck" and SO it proved, much to
the chagrin of the dude who had laid
the odds on the woman. AS he paid the
debt of honor he said in voice choked