Connecticut western news., 1883-02-28
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
Few of the Funny Things we Find in the Detroit Free Press.
AN ACCOMMODATING MAN.

twist and certify and affidavit around to get their bills allowed by the County Auditors, and it was a source of real pleasure for one of them to present bill for Ss27 for about $6 worth of office work. One day constable with warrant for 8 certain shoemaker doing business on Larned street met his man in front of the City Hall, and after notifying him of the trouble in store added:
 "say, Jake, I've always used you white."
 "Yes."
 'I wouldn't serve this warrant if wasn't compelled to, and if you will call for jury I'll try and fix the boys to let you off,"
 "Thanks."
 "Now, then, can I find you at the shop at four o'clock tomorrow after noonP"
 "You can."
 "Well, I'll depend on it. I want to ride forty miles between now and then in search of you, so as to make travelling expenses. If can make it fifty I'll buy the cigars, but I'm good for forty any how"
 Jake was at the shop at the hour named and was duly arrested, and the constable's bill included forty-six miles of travel
 HE UNDERsTooD IT. A woman who got on board the East ern bound train on the Detroit, Lansing & Northern, at Howell the other day, was accompanied by big dog, and after the train had moved out a passenger walked back to the stove and asked of three or four young men sitting around there:
 "Can any of you talk to a deaf and dumb person by signs ?"
 'tI can, though I'm out of practice, '' replied one.
 "very well. wish you'd go and ask that woman over there if she expects friends to meet her in Detroit"
 The young man walked up to her, tapped her on the shoulder to attract at- tention, and began series of gyrations with his fingers which attracted the eyes of every passenger in the car. The wo- mans eyes opened and her jaw fell with astonishment, but after minute or two she colored up as red as beet and called out:
 "Yes, I've got my dog under the seat, | and if you mean that you'll tell the con. ductor on me mean that I'll hire some one to pitch you into a snow-drift if have to mortgage my farm !!
 The deaf and dumb language chopped off right there. THE HANDY TELEPHONE.
 The other day an individual who seemed to be somewhat under the infiu' ence of drink, entered @ business place on Randolph street, and inquired if they had a telephone. Being answered in the affirmative, he laid down ten cents, and said:
 "Please talk for me as my voice is very husky this morning. Please call fap Mrs. McGeorge. "@ l .sHas she telephone P I "No."
 "Then can't call her."
 "That's so. Well, call up Snyder's grocery. That's within six blocks of my house."
 The grocery was soon connected, and then the man said:
 "Ask the grocer if he knows Mrs. McGeorge."
 "No," was the answer.
 "Ask him if he had just as soon run over to No. -, Twentieth street."
 "No,'' came again.
 "Well, tell him to pay some boy two shillings to go to that number and asl my wife if she told me we would wan another gallon of vinegar by next weel Friday, and she can telephone iron somewhere to the postoff1ce and the post master will send some one out to hun me up. Thanks for your courtesy. Aw full handy things, these telephones.
 ALWAYS DO.
 ssI sent you statement of accoun the other day." said a Detroi tailor. as he met one of his poor-pa, customers on the street. ''Did you? Sent it by mail, I pre- sume?"
 "Yes." 'Put on @ two-cent stamp?"
 "Of course"
 "And directed the envelope to m. street and number?"
 "Yes. sir" "Ah! We'll, all right-it was proba blv delivered all safe. All letters prop erly directed to my address come righ through. Good day, sir P
 VERY RECKLESS WOMAN. "I want to know if there is any law i U this country for poor folks ?" began woman, as she stopped policeman O Michigan avenue recently. ,, "There ought to be, suppose" h replied in doubting way. 'What your case ?" ? "Well, the other night I was goin , home, and in front of a vacant lot owne by 8 rich man, I fell down and almo' killed myself want to make him pa damages, but all my neighbors say ths I can't do it. Isn't there stringent la about ice on the sidewalks "Yes'm. In case you are poor ma : you must clean it off. In case you al rich you can wait for thaw." "But would you begin suit ?" "I'll leave that to you. In the fir place the defendant will claim that yo y were drunk when you fell" e "My stars but I never touch