Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-05-07
At present there are but thirty causes

At present there are but thirty causes
for which divorces may be granted in
Pennsylvania.
1t is said that the empress of Austria
has taken to fencing. Perhaps her neigh
bors keep chickens.
The sermon always seems short to the
woman who wears her new bonnet to
church for the first time.
Sunday-school boy, upon being asked
what made the Tower of Pisa lean, re-
piled because of the famine in the land. y
The western chap who applied for
divorce from his wife on the ground that
she was talking him into his grave, said
he felt under continual sentence of death.
A New Yorker has been fined $500 for
giving tobacco to a giraffe in Central Park.
That's right; give tobacco to boys as
much as you like; but don't try to poison
our giraffes.
An exchange advertises: "Wanted, eX-
perienced operators on girls waists"
The young man who has but one talent
will now please step forward and unfold
his little napkin.
A Mr.. Marden says: 81 should not be
surprised to see Butler president of the
| United States" Perhaps not; but just
think, Mr.. Marden, how astonished the
| other fifty millions of our inhabitants
| would be.
The much talked of flaying-on-of-hands
cure is nothing remarkable. Myriads of
| small boys have been cured Of infirmities
in that way, and rarely has the boy been
found of sufficient bottom to withstand
the treatment.
s'Well, Mike, have ye heard what they're
going to do with Barney Hannegan?''
sIndade and 1 have" replied Mike
''they're going to transport him for life,
but don't behave the poor bye will live
so long as that
A Georgia man, who has been married
several times, says he has had awful hard
luck. He'd scarcely get a wife before
she'd die and he'd have to go the expense
of courting and marrying another The
thing got to be ruinous.
$50 you mean to tell me-" she SAID
pleadingly, s'that you wouldn't give fif
ty-dollar bill for this beautiful duck of 6
bonnet?" 81 do just that, decidedly, " he
replied. 'sWhy SOP" Because the fifty
dollar hill is the hi0oeSt"
The definition of gentlemen" is giver
as, "a human being combining woman's
tenderness with mans courage Thi.
is new to us. We have always understood
the tern gentleman" to mean "a travel
ing salesman with a plug hat
''Young man, said an orator impres
sively, ssdo you want to go down to
drunkard's grave?" 'sWell," replied tn
young man, with the careless grace of
man who isn't accustomed to refusing
II don't care if 1 do. Whereabouts i
your graye?"
A wagon containing a calf in cage
with farmers wife in charge, was on tn
Detroit market recently, according to tn
Free Press, and butcher with an eye t
veal stepped up and inquired: 'sMadamt
is that calf for sale?" ssYes, SIR 81
he Durham?'' ssHe may be-" "Isnt a
AYRSHIRE, is he?" Like enough" sDon
| You know his breed?" he asked in SUI
prised voice mo, don't" s'Then ho
do you expect to sell him?' "All kno
: about the calf is that his father hooked
Justice of the peace to death and h
mother chased female lecturer tw
g. miles, and if that isn't breed enough
to ask 81 on you needn't take him." I'll
r. butcher said the breed was all right.
be
Mt awhat is heavens best gift to man?" she askt
- sweetly smiling him, "Dr. Bulls Cough Syrup"
replled with prudence. He had lust been cured by