Connecticut western news., 1883-05-09

fire inside. Pa tried to talk with finer about the baby, but they couldn't un derstand, and finally they got full an started out, and the leader asked pa fo three dollars, and that broke him up Ia told the leader he supposed the gen tlemen who had got up the serenade ha, pa1d for the music, and the leader pointe, to me and said I was the gentleman tha got 1t up. Pa paid him, but he had wicked look ill his eye, and me and m, chum lit out, and the Bohemians cam down the street bilin' full, with thei horns on their arms, and they were talk ing Bohemian for all that was out. The, stopped in front of a vacant house ant began to play, but you couldn't tell wha tune 1t was, they were so full, and z policeman came along and drove them home. guess I will sleep at the livery. stable tonight, cause pa is awful un- reasonable when anything costs him three dollars besides the champagne" THE DUDE. A New Orleans dude at the opera stood and leisurely surveyed the immense audience before divesting himself of his top-coat. Perhaps it was the light weight of the new spring garment that deceived him. Anyhow, he inadvertently took off the overcoat and the undercoat together, folded them slowly and grace fully, and laid them over the back of his chair. The sight of the dandy in his shirt sleeves and vest seemed to catch the eyes of everybody in the room in- stantly, and general giggle deepened quickly into unanimous haw-haws. So much of shirt bosom is exposed in the prevailing style of evening dress that he did not at once discover his undue exhi- bition of linen, and he was seated before he was aware that he was the cause of all the noise. Then his studied equa- nimity was for once destroyed. His struggling haste to pull his swallow tail coat out of the other, and to put it on, was as comical as the rest of his mishap
 BELONGED TO BRASS BAND.
 "Say, Mrs. Bunson," said little girl to lady visitor, 'do you belong to brass band?"
 ''No my dear"
 "I thought you did,"
 "Why did you, my child?'
 Because, mamma said you was always blowing your own horn, and thought you must belong to the band"
 FAMILY JARS.
 MT. and Mrs. Hubnagel were speaking about man who had committed sui eide. He remarked jocularly:
 "Well, that's something would never do, at least personally. I would hire friend to do it for me-
 "Why not attend to it yourself. " asked Mrs. Hubnagel in apparent aston ishment.
 "Well, you see it creates prejudice against you in the community"
 eff you were to commit suicide it would not create any prejudice against you. On the contrary, it would make people respect you"
 Then he picked up his hat and went down town to see lawyer about a divorce. e.-Zeros Sgftings.
 SOMETHING IN STORE. A policeman was called into shoe shop, the proprietor of which is an hon. est, unsdspecting burgher, and asked
 "Can you tell me if Sheneral Grant is still in der city ?"
 "Grant? Why, he hasn't been here in year..
 'Ish dot possible! My frent, vhas der President here about two weeks | ago?"
 "No." "Vhas dere big riot down town tree weeks ago in which some Germans got kilt?" "No, sir.''
 ''Vhas dere some ferry boats got l olowed up?"
 "Never heard of any,"
 "My frent, ledt me ask one more ques- 5ion. Vhas some orphan asylums all burned up one night last week and all | lere leedle shildren roasted like ducks in | fer ofen?" "Of course not.
 "Vhell, dot explains to me. I haf a poy Sohn. He vhas oudt nights, und he doan' come home till 2 o'clock next Ven ask him aboudt it he says some orphan asylum burned down, or some ferry-poat blew cop. or Sheneral Grant vhas in town und vhant's to see nim. So. dot poy has been lying to me?"
 "Looks that way"
 "Vhell, tonight he vhill ship out as usual, und by 1 o'clock he vhill come in. I shall ask him where he vhas all der time so long, und he vhill say Shenera Grant was i'll town. I shall tell him dot I take him out to der barn und introduce him to school house on fire, und when I am all tired oudt init him, I belief dot poy vhill see some shokes und sthay home nights. I | fought it vhas funny dot so much hap pens all der time und dey doan put it in der Sherman papers. Vhell, vhell, I Vhish it wash night so I could pegin to show him dot am der biggest sheneral of all. "-DetrOit Free Press.
 HER GOLDEN HAIR.
 He fell in love with her at once
 My dearest friend was she
 And vowed he'd never even dreamed
 Such beauty there could be.
 " Her smile like gem" he said,
 '' Like lmpid dew her eyes,
 But most of all her ripping hair
 Filled him with plad snrnrise