davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
A Little Mistake.

The rector of st. Georges Church,
Southwark, England, recently fell into a
laughable blunder. A lady who was a
deaf-mute and gentleman who was a
foreigner, and unable to speak English,
came to him for the purpose of being
married. The clergyman, after much
difficulty, made out the object of their
visit. as he supposed, and appointed a
day for the performance of the ceremony
in church. He in fact understood that
they wished to be baptized, and on the
day set had provided the requisite num-
Der of gOdfathers and godmOthers to
answer for them. The regular baptismal
service was used over Them they were
asked if they renounced the devil and all
his works, and duly signed with sign of
the cross. Though the service was not
such as they expected, they supposed it
was the newest way of solemnizing
matrimOny, and departed, imagining
themselves man and wife. The next day
the rector received from them package
containing a piece of the wedding cake,
and little note of thanks from the cou-
pie. HOrrited at the discovery of the
mistake, the clergyman rushed to the
hotel where they We're staying, explained
the matter as best he could, and hurried
them back to the church, when they
were married this time i'll due and ancient
form
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
Buttered With Humbag.

A man is not more Justly known by
the company he keeps than by the char
acter of business he chooses to follow
One would not willingly confide i'll a
mock-auctioneer, or lend q dealer in
pinchbeck "tive dollars till he can sell
his dog" We could not think of George
Washington as engaged, for example, in
degrading with cheap glucose the stand
ard of sweets, or cOnsenting to realize
profit from adulteratiOn of tea. The
money is got by deceit, no matter how
large the b-basement where ne works,
or how expansive the superstructure in
which he displays his lying goods. Do
we draw good water and bad from the
same fountain? May we expect figs
from thistles9 Do che peaceable fruits
of righteousness" grow i'll disguise? eye
cannot serve two masters. 1t was lu-
cidly said of a certain parson that he was
an angel-in the pulpit, But he killed
official utterance by his weekday walk
and conversation; 1.-The simple fact IS,
his preaching wasn't sanctioned by his
practice" SO it is a cold day for Reform
when it is championed by a man who
feeds on fraud.
Everybody knows, or may know, that
oleomargarine never appears with its
butter. Hundreds of thousands of per-
sons In this city, in every town, and IN
foreign countries as well, are to-day buy
ing and using this refined soap-grease as
genuine product of the dairy COW. The
very completeness of the counterfeit
gives the more occasion for criticism. If
by the shrewd arts of the laboratory, de-
cent suet or the refuse fats of the slaugh-
ter-hOuse, or of worse sources, can, III
open competition, be made to take the
place of butter (as they do secretly take
it to the extent, according to figures, of
10000 pounds per year., no one
could fairly demonstrate but the simple
fact is that not a tithe of that vast guam
tity could be marketed if it were placed
on grOcers' counters for exactly what it
is-as not only a sense Of honor would
require, but as the law itself directs.
This is the ground of the objection we
urge now to oleomargarine. and to the
man who has come to be known as the
mogul of its commerce who, using the
machinery of an extensive trade, fills his
pockets by circulating the article against
which even the barriers of legislation
have been set apparently in vain.-N. Y.
TTiE1IlC
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
Valentine Poetry.

"There are not many valentine writers,
and [ don't think that if you hunted
them over you would find one dis
tinguished name among them, or even
one that you had ever heard of before, )"
says valentine manufacturer. "MOst of
my original ones are written by lady
i'll Bangor, Me. She writes also for
another house. Some of her relatives
were in the business, and she possessed
natural talents for it; SO in that way she
got into it, and, once in, keeps right
along. The late A. J. Fisher, vino was
leading publisher of valentines, used to
write his own mostly. [ don't know
exactly what his best hold was, whether
it was the purely comic, the vengefully
satirical, or the gushingly sentimental.
The lady in Bangor is best in the last
line. 1t doesn't require a really very
powerful poetic genius to grind out
valentine poetry. When you get an idea
fit for a verse you can sort of model it
over a few times. F'rinstance:
" AS on the gold the diamond bright doth shine
So thou upon my heart doth glow, my
Valentine
"And then again, by slight twist Of
the wrist, you get:
" AS in the gold the rubys gleam doth shine,
So in my heart thy image sits, my Valentine.
Or, by q slight wrench to the crank:
" Like the sparkling glow in the juice of the
vine,
Are thy eyes in my heart, my sweet Valentine.
Same idea, you see; reels off just as
yarn off ball. Lots of our valentine
poetry we sort of pick up Newspapers
sometimes have poetical fancies in them
that we happen to drop on, and
occasionally we can chop out good
chunk of heart throb and burning love
where you'd hardly notice it, and where
the poet who originally wrote it would
himself be sort of surprised at the dis
covery. OF course we might doctor it
up a Iittle-make it trump in little
better for our uses, you know-but we
would keep the original idea fairly,
nevertheless"
Another dealer in the most expensive
sort of imported and handmade valen-
tines said: "There is hardly any novelty
in the imported lace-paper Valentines
The same things that were good enough
for us when we We're young and spooney,
if made over fresh, are good enough for
those who are young and spooney now,
and will be for their grandchildren when
they begin to get soft about the heart
fifty years from now. But for n few
years past there has been a growing
fancy for hand painted valentines, some
of which are very expensive, and for
them there is some demand for original
poetry. That is probably the trade that
the poetess is striking for Acrostics
are popular in them. They are poorly
paid for as a rule, for they are not much
in demand-the verses, [ mean. The
hand-painted valentines are well paid
for, YOU may be sane. and their manu-
facture is conducted IN quite a private
way. But the people who order them,
as general thing, grind out their own
lOve-sick dOggerel, and no matter how
bad it is the girl no gets it will think
it divine if diamond ring is part of the
valentine, as it sometimes is. That
poetess won't go to Europe next summer
OF the profits of her valentine writing
I'll bet. ."-NclU York San.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01

There is no doubt that the habit of
carrying concealed weapons is at the root
of most of the crimes of violence chrOni-
cled from day to day. If men had not a
weapon Mt hand when they become in
censed, they would not cut or shoot If
they had to seek a weapon, in nine cases
out of ten they would not make them
selves criminals. Again, many of the
distressing accidents that cloud families
and cut short precious lives are due to
keeping loaded weapons III homes, where
they are likely to he handled reclle8sly.
In discharglng.a boy, who was acquitted
of shooting a companion, on the ground
that, though he handled a loaded re-
volver carelessly, the shooting was acct
dental, Judge Gildersleeve, ex-Captain
of the American Rifle Team, said " You
should not have a loaded pistol upon
your person, or about you. [ may claim
that / have had an extensive experience
in handling firearms, yet [ would as soon
have rattlesnake near me as loaded
gun, and one is likely to be as dangerous
rs the other. "-NetU York Sun.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
A Horrible Scene.

The circus fire in Russia was horrible.
The people were so closely packed that
they could not move. Some of the
clowns coming into the ring shouted
"fire;" the audience, thinking it part of
the fun, laughed, but the shouting of the
other performers undeceived them. Some
flung themselves from the galleries.
Parents attempted 10 save their children
by throwing them down into the ring.
Some, wearing the long coats of the
Russian Jews, were entangled on spikes
and remained hanging in the air The
whole building resounded with heart
rending cries. For little while the
children were safe in the center of the
ring, but when the people began Jump
ing from the dress circle and galleries
the children were trampled to death. A
dozen horses, mad with terror, broke
into the ring, trampIing to death the peo-
pie huddled there. In twenty minutes
all was over. At the windows and exits
some of the strongest forced the weaker
back into the flames. The fire engine
was delayed by falling through the ice,
and when it arrived the water in the
tanks was found frozen.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
Nothing to Do.

Coming west on dining car on the
Fort Wayne and Pennsylvania road, the
other day, the passengers We're putting
in the time waiting for late breakfast,
conversing on all kinds of topics. Two
men were in a seat talking, when one
said "Nine o'clock is a later breakfast
than [ am accustomed to. [ always eat
breakfast at T." The other man, a
splendid looking young fellow, SAID,
after yawn, " never eat breakfast till
ten o'clock" The man with whom he
was talking said, You must take it
pretty Ieisurely about getting to busi-
ness" and then the nice looking young
fellow said, "Business [ have no busi-
ness. | have nothing on earth to do,
and never had a thought of doing
anything, and never had care. [ have
an income" Everybody that was within
hearing turned and looked at the great,
strapping fellow who had nothing on
earth to do. and he fell away below zero
in everybody's estimation. We pitied
the fellow from the bottom of our heart.
Nothing to do. No ambition, no nothing,
but to get up an appetite for the next
meal by drinking bitters, no business to
take his mind from his lazy life. Then
we studied the fellow all day, and half of
the next day. Honestly, it got so the
passengers looked down on him, and
sneered when he passed.-Peck'S Satn.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
Cremating a Child'S Body.

The remains of three year-old son of
DR.. S. Hawn, of New York City, arrived
at Washington. Pa. for incarceration in
the Lemoync Crematory. The fathers
body was crematcd there on March 9,
1880. The fires were lighted in the fur
mace early Friday morning, and every
thing was in readiness long before the
arrival of the corpse. The body was ac-
companied by DIR. Happle, of New York,
u friend of the family, and was taken
Immediately to the crematory. The
corpse was removed from the metallic
coffin, wrapped in a sheet saturated with
alum water, placed in the retort, and the
door scaled. The ashes and coffin were
forwarded to the grandfather, DR.. Kauf-
man, of New York This is the sixteenth
body cremated in the Lemoyne furnace
and The first child.
The mania for adulteratiOn is so great
that you can't buy quart OF sand and
be sure that it's not half sugar.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01

ONLY A HoAx.-About three years
ago a Chicago newspaper printed one
morning. under flaming headlines, along
and detailed account Of the burning of
the Newhall House, milwaukee, the
night before, with frightful loss of life
The article was hoax, and closed with
a sentence explaining that the horrible
calamity which it graphically portrayed
was liable to occur at any time. E. B.
Northrop, newspaper man, now OF st.
Paul, was the author of the hoax, and al
ways declared that the time would come
when his article would be regarded in
the light Of a prediction.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
UH'S KIDS.
BIT HUaESB FIELD.

Jim was fisherman-up on the hill
Over the beach lived he an his wife
In a little house-you can see it still
An their two fair boys; upon my life
You never seen two Hkeher kids.
In spite O their antics an tricks an noise
Than them two boys.
JIM would go ont in his boat on the sea
Jest as the rest on Us fishermen did
And when he come back at night thar'd be
Up to his knees in the surf each kid,
A beck min and cheerin' to fisherman jim
He'd hear EN-, you bet, above the roar
OF the waves on the shore.
But one night Jim came sailin home,
And the little kids weren't on the sands
jim kinder wondered they hadn't come,
And a tremblin took holt o his knees and
hands;
And he learnt the worst upon the hill
In the little house, an he bowed his head
''The fever, they said.
Twas an awful time for fisherman jim,
With them darIins dyin' afore his eyes
They kept calm an beckmin him,
For they kind o wandered in mind-their
cries
We're about the waves and fisherman Jim,
An the little boat a-sailin' for shore
Till they spoke no more.
Well, fisherman jim lived on and on,
And his hair grew white and the wrinkles
came,
But he never smiled, and his heart seemed
gone,
And he never was heard to speak the name
Of the little HI IS who were buried there,
Up ON the hill, in sight o the sea,
Under wilIer tree.
One night they come and told me to haste
To the house on the hill for Jim was sick,
And they said hadn't no time to waste,
For his tide was ebbin powerful quick,
An he seemed to be wand'rin' an crazy like,
An seein' sights he oughtn't to see
An had called for me-
And fisherman Jim sez he to me:
Its nv last. last cruise-you understand
I'm a-saiin' dark and dreadful sea,
But off on the further shore, on the sand,
Are the kids, who's a-beck'nin' an calm my
name
Jess as they did-ah, mate you know
In the long ago."
No. sir; he wasn't afraid to die,
For all that night he seemed to see
His little boys of the years gone by,
And to hear sweet voices forgot by ME;
An lust as the mornin' sun came up
They're hOldin' me by the hands :" he
cried
An so he died.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
THE HERO OF THE COMSTOCK.
A Great Reputation Ruined by Too Much
Zeal.
[From the Carson Appeal.l

TFrom the Carson Appeal
Years ago, in the early days of the
Comstock excitement, Pat Holland, now
Postmaster and Coroner in little town
in Cachise County, Arizona, was the
most respected man in the State. He
had the reputation of being dead shot
with the pistol. OF course this accom-
plishment made him feared by everybody
and there was no man in Virginia so bold
as to cross him in public. Pat acquired
his reputation by shooting on the stage,
and could knock an apple off his sons
head with an accuracy and carelessness
which combined to impress the public
far more than the manner in which the
painstaking William Tell performed the
feat with an arrow. Finally Pat secured
young lady who would allow an apple
to be shot off her faxen roll, and when
Pat executed the feat he would throw
his keen eye at the girl and then roll his
orbs up into the gallery, and without
looking at his mark, send bullet through
the fruit. This was put down on the
bills as ''Pat Hollands psychological feat
of shooting from memory" and drew
crowded houses. One night he adver-
tised to shoot apples from twelve young
ladies heads in succession, and only take
one look at the crowd. Piper's Opera
House was packed with men at dollar
a head, and when the curtain rose twelve
immaculate ballet dancers were i'll line
along the wings, each with an apple on
c+1 +I oh 1tc
and bowed amid tremendous applause.
He had a six-shoOter in each hand and
the stage manager announced that he
would shoot the last six apples with his
left hand. Casting his eye along the
line, he took a long breath, steady posi-
ton, and then faced the audience. Lift
ing his revolver he began shooting in
rapid succession, and the apples began
to fly out of sight amid the breathless
silence of the audience. The curious
part of the performance, however, lay in
the fact that by the time that Pat had
fired six shots all the apples had disap-
peared, yet he kept right on banging
away with his left hand, amid rOars of
laughter and derision. To cap the climax,
two apples got tangled together and re-
NAMED dangling from the edge of a
scene in plain sight of the audience. The
trick was at once apparent. Each apple
had fine thread attached, and at the
shot. was ierked quickly out of sight. The
supes behind the scenes got confused at
Pats rapid firing, and half the apples
disappeared before the time. Two were
snatched off simultaneously, and the
strings overlapping in the air brought
the apples together, where they hung to
the edge of the scene, the strings being
on each side. This ended Hollands
career as a public soloist with the pistol,
and the public gradually came to look
upon him as an ordinary mortal. Soon
after this he got into street row in
Phoebe, and fired ten shots in densely
populated portion of the city without
killing a man. But for attempting to do
too much at once he might have gone to
Congress from Arizona years ago.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
81 Can Swim, Sir"

During a terrible naval battle between
the English and Dutch, the English
flagship, commanded by Admiral Mar
borough, was drawn into the thlckeSt OF
the fight. Two masts were soon shot
away, and the mainmast fell with fear
ful crash upon the deck. Admiral Mar
borough, saw that all was lost unless he
could bring up his ships from the right.
Hastily scrawling an order, he called Tor
volunteers to swim across the bO Ing
water. under the hail of shot and shell
A dozen sailors at once offered their
services, and among them a cabin boy.
"Why," said the admiral what can
you do, my fearless lad q
q can swim, sir" the boy replied;
" if [ be shot, [ can be easier spared than
any one else.
Marlborough hesitated, his men were
few, and his position was desperate.
The boy plunged into the sea amid the
cheers of the sailors, and was soon lost
to sight. The battle ragged tiercer, and
as time went on defeat seemed inevitable.
But lust as hope was fading thunder
inc CannOnade was heard from the right,
and the reserve were seen bearing down
upon the enemy. BY sunset the Dutch
fleet were scattered far and wide, and
the cc bin boy, the hero of the hour, was
called to receive the honor due HIM. HIS
modesty and bearing so won the heart OF
the old admiral that he exclaimed:
u shall live to see you have flag
ship of your own.
The prediction was fulfilled when the
boy. having become Admiral Cloudsley
Shovel, was l1nighted 10y the king.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01

A MARRIAGE ceremony came to an alb
rupt and ludicrous termination the other
day in Atlanta, Ga. i Appointment clergy
man of that city, having consented to
unite a colored couple, had just ask d
the solemn question, "WIlt thou take
this woman? ?" etc, when an old flame of
the bridegroom poked her head into the
room and said: Henry, jess dar you
to say yes" Henry sank into the nearest
chair without a word, and the company
thoughtfully Withdrew.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01

A WRINKLE AGAINST WRINKLEs.-A
lady writes "You say that girls who
want to have good compIexions should
wash their faces with almost boiling
water. Not only girls should do this,
but women who do not wish to have
wrinkles. l am above fifty and l have
not got a wrinkle This is due to my
having washed my face night and morn
ing with very, very hot water. The
water tightens the skin and prevents it
from wTiuklinq."
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01

A LoAN.-An extraordinary security
was offered by a man who recently adj
vertised in a Berlin newspaper for loan.
The advertisement ran as follows: "a
medical student whose means are eX-
hausted would like to meet with some
one who would advance him the neces-
sary sum to complete his studies, at a
moderate rate of interest. If necessary
he would as a guarantee at once marry
his creditors daughter, or, if he prefers
it, would give an undertaking to do SC
H"passing his final examination.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01

A MAN always looks through his pock-
cts three or four times before handing
his coat to his wife to have a button
sewed on, and even then he is filled with
anameless fear until the job is completed.
-ROeheSter E,rpreSs.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1883-01-02

creased comfort aud beauty Of all the sur.
rcundings Of the college are worthy OF note.
The improvements OF the year have cost
over 100000
The patronage has increased. The roll
OF stu,.ents embraces nlatriculatcs from ten
States and one foreign country. The
young men have maintained the good name
Of other years for sobriety and industry.
The faculty testify That during the year
there has been no serious cascof sickness,
and not single outbreak OF disorderIy
conduct. An unusually large number OF
the alumni have beeu sought by other col
leges and high schools rs professors durirg
the year, thus paying high and we'll
meritcd tribute 10 the emincnce OF this
college.
Financially, The institution has contln-
ued TO enjoy good fortune. Liberal gifts
have been coming In from the North for
building purposes, and q library fund OF
go, 600, under the patronage OF John IL.
Deanc, Esq, OF New York, is being raised.
The School oil. English received gift OF
81, 800 from citizen OF Richmond, who
withholds his name.
The corporation sustained in October
last serious loss by the death OF their hon
ored PRECEDENT, James Thomas, DR., the
lifelong aud generous friend OF the college.
The present officers Of the trustees are
DIR. J. L. NJ. Curry, president; Rev. c. IL.
Ryand, secretary and treasurer; ID. Fur
year, LII. d.. chairman OF faculty.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1883-01-02
ACADEMY OF MEDICINE.

The objecl of the society is TO promote
the discussion OF medical topics aud the
investigation of scientific subjects. At
each meeting OF the Academy some diseases
or other medical theme is discussed, the
argument being led by a member appointed
one month previous for the purpose. Du-
ring the past year many important and
valuable papers have been read and cases
OF the greatest interest have been reported.
The year has been one of marked success
for the Academy. Its membership has
been greatly increased. twenty physicians
having added their names since our last re-
port. We now have fifty-three active
members, not Including nonresident or
honorary members.
The meetings are held on the first and
third Monday nights Of every month at
their rooms over the Young Mems Chris
tan Association, corner Fourth and
Franklin streets.
The officers elected at the last meeting
for the ensuing year are rs follows : DR..
Il. T. Robinson, president; DR.. Charles NJ.
Shields, first yice-presdent; Dr.. L. j..
Moore. second vice president; DR.. III. q.
Houston, third vicc-prcsident; DR.. Philip
Taylor, secretary; DR.. w. Augustus Lee,
treasurer; DR.. A. C. Palmer, librarian.