Daily Republican., 1883-06-22
PECk'S BAD BOY.
His Pa Mortified.


"What was the officer doing over tc
your house this morning." said the
grocery man to the bad boy, as the
youth was firing frozen potatoes at
the man who collects garbage in the
alley.
"They are searching for sewer gas
and such things, and they have got
plumbers and oh,r society experts till
you can't rest, and came away for
fear they would find the sewer gas and
warm my jacket. Say, do you think it
is right, when anything smells awful
ly to always lay it to a bOy?"
Well, in nlne cases out of ten they
would hit it right, but what do you
think is the trouble over at your house,
honest ."
"S-h.h Now don't breathe word
of it to a living soul, or am dead boy.
You see, was over to the dairy farm
at the exposition building Saturday
night, and when they were breaking up
me and my chum helped to carry boxes
of cheese and tirkins Of butter, and a
cheese man gave each Of us q piece of
Limburger cheese, wrapped up in tin
foil. Sunday morning | opened my
piece, and it made me tired. Oh, it was
the otfillest smell ever heard OF, except
the smell when they found tramp " no
hung himselfin the woods on the White
wash bay road, and had been dead three
weeks. 1t WAS just like an old back
number funeral. Pa and Ma were Just
getting ready TO 60 to church, and cut
off piece of cheese and put it in the in
side pocket Of pas vest, and | put
another in the lining of mas nuft, and
they went to church. l went down to
church, too, and SAT on back seat with
my chnm, looking just as pious as tho
! was taking up collection. The
church was pretty warm, and by the
time they got up to sing the first hymn,
pas cheese began to smell q match
against mas cheese. Pa held one side
OF the hymn book and ma held the
other, and pa he always sings for all
that is out, and when he braced himself
and sung Just as am ma thought
pas voice was tinctured with bilious
ness, and she looked at him, and punch
ed him, and told him to stop singing
and to breathe through his nose, cause
his breath was enough to stop clock.
PA stopped singing and turned around
kind of cross towards ma, and then he
smelled mas cheese, and he turned his
head the other way and said 'whew,'
and they didn't sing any more, but
they looked at each other as though
they smelled frowy. When they sat
down they sat as far apart as they
could get, and pa sat next to a woman
yyh hn m, Ia.
and when she smelled pas cheese she
looked at him as though he had the
smallpox, and she held her handker-
chief to her nose.
"The man in the end of the pew, that
ma sat near, he was stranger from
Racine who belongs to our church, and
he looked at ma sort of queer, and after
the minister prayed, and they got up to
sing again, the man took his hat and
went out, and when he came by me he
said something in Il whisper about a
female glue factory. Well, sir, before
the sermon Was over everybody in that
part of the church had their handker-
chiefs to their noses, and they looked at
pa and ma scandalrus, and the two
ushcrs they came around in the pews
looking for a dog, and when the minis
ter got over his sermon, and wiped the
perspiration off his face, he said he
would like to have the trustees of the
church stay after meeting, az there was
business of importance to transact. He
said the question Of proper ventilation
and sewerage Tor the church would be
brought up, and that he presumed the
congregation had noticed this morning
that the church was unusually full of
sewer gas
He said he had spoken of the matter
before, and expected it would be at
tended to before this. He said that he
was a meek and humble follower of the
lamb, and was willing to cast his lot
wherever the Master decided, but he'd
be blessed if he would preach any lon
ger in church that smelled like bone
boiling establishment. He said that re-
ligion was good thing, but no person
could enjoy religion as we'll in fat
rendering establishment az he could in
Il ttower-garden, and as far as he was
concerned he had got enough. Every.
body looked at everybody else, and pa
looked at ma as though he knew where
the sewer gas came from, and ma look
ed at pa real mad, and me and my
chum lit out, and went home and dis
tributed my cheese all around.
81 put a slice in mas bureau drawer
down under her clothes, and
piece in the spare room under the bed,
and a piece in the bathroom, in the
soap dish, and slice in the album on
the parlor table, and IA piece in the Ii
brary, in a book, and | went to the din
ing room and put some under the table,
ard dropped piece under the range in
the kitchen. tell you the house was
loaded for bear. Ma came home from
church first, and when asked where
pa was, she said she hoped he had gone
to walk around block to air himself
Pa came home to dinner, and when h e
got a smell at the house, and ma put II
round her shoulders an d
told pa he was a disgrace to civilization.
She tried to get pa to drink some car
bolic acid.
"Pa finally convinced ma that it was
not him, and then they decided that it
was the house that smeled 80, as well
US the church, and all Sunday afternoon
they went visiting, and this norningpa
went down to the health Office and got
the inspector of nuisanreS to come up to
the house, and when he had Sluelled