The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-10-17
The Daily Bulletin.
VIII AND HUM0R.

Somebody has been bright enough to
say; "Langtry and Gebhard - the lily
of the valley and valet OF the lily"
Pap, what was that the governor of
North Carolina said to the governor of
South Carolina?" "You are too young,
my son, to ask such u question. "
One of the saddest sights in these
hard times is to see woman with a
tive-foot husband trying to alter his
pants to fit her siX-foot son.
An English magazine is specializing
as to 1.-THE kind of clothes ghosts wear. y
We always supposed they wore spirit
wrappers.
The waiter inferred that the guest
had taken little something before sup
per from the mere fact Of his ordering
tiled fraters and chork pops
jenkins says that when he asked the
girl who is now his wife to marry him,
she said II don't mind" and she new
er has minded.
A little girl at Newport, seeing tho
willow phaetons for the first time, cx-
claimed; "Why, mamma, everybody
rides out in their clothes-baskets here!'
An undesirable loan--a cyclone. -
A rash act-catching the measles. A
man that knows the ropes--the sheriff.
Waist of tme-the middle of an
hour glass.
A living brainless baby is attracting
a good deal of attention from the doc
tors, Watch his progress, Twenty
years hence he may be hunting the
fierce anise-seed bag at Newport
Mamma" said Harry, whats the
difference between goose and geeseP"
"Why, don't you know" said 4.year-
old Annie "One geese is goose, and a
whole lot Of gooses is geese
The poet who wrote 1.-THE child is
father TO the man, was somewhat dis
concerted when a practical friend ask
ed him how the case would be in the
event of the child being girl.
Yes" said the druggist, 'I'm very
sorry gave Mr.. Snaggs the wrong
dose by mistake and he died, He's the
second good customer I've robbed my
self of in this way this year.
Light-minded young thing in bath
ing suit" Surely, Aunt Margaret,
you re not going to wear your specta-
Giles in the water" Aunt Margaret
'Indeed, | am. Nothing shall induce
me TO take off another thing"
A fish called the "whistlinS sucker"
is sometimes caught in Walker Lake,
Nevada 1t is called very remarka-
Bile fish, but the whistling sucker" is
quite common in this part of the coun-
try.
A Beaufort bachelor 50 greatly adj
mired the way in which his house
keeper prepared his coffee that he pro-
posed and was accepted. This is q
pointer for q woman with ambition in
that direction.
The 40-year-old maiden who got mar
ried told 4 female friend next day that
she blushed so when the minister was
performing the ceremony that she was
glad she had veil over her face. Poor
young thing.
Speaking OF the house of a lady who
does not intend to spoil her children by
spariug the rod, somebody remarked
how neat and clean everything was.
Yes said Fogg, everything is like
whacks work. y
A young miss Of l6 asks what is the
proper thing for her to do when she is
seren"ded ny party of gentlemen at a
late hour. We are glad to be able to
answer this question. Steal softly
downstairs and unite the dog.
A Maine girl didn't want her lover to
name boat after her, because she
didn't desire to read in the papers that
matilda Socum is up for repairs
"Matilda ) ocum is on the dock to be
,craped,' etc
In front Of colorci woman's cot.
"ae in Hackcusack stands pear tree
on which is nailed shing,e bearing
the following legend written in pencil;
"Fife dollus fine, whoovur shaiks dis
tree
A lady speaker was thus introduced
to her waiting audience by hasty pre-
siding officer: 81 have the pleasure of
presenting to you Mrs. -, who will
give YOU an account of the remissness-
es of her past life, which ! am sure
will interest you all. "
"Chawlcs," she lisped to her new
beau from Boston, "have you seen Rog-
ers' new groupP' mo" he replied,
but knew Billy Rogers old gang,
who backed John L. Sullivan" They
are estranged. Boston "culchah" was
too much for her
Six lovely school-ma'm ms were out
rowing on the placid Monongahela, A
bold, wicked man on shore, who was
bad boy few years ago, instead of
taking OFT his hat as the boat went by,
simply remarked: "Behold the whaling
feet!h
II there is any money to be made on
selling whisky to Indians, it should be
made by the missionaries who bear the
hardships Of carrying civilization to the
unenlightened. not by the suffers,
who have a good enough thing of it
in playing poker with the army Off
| GERS.
1t was on the piazza of the Grand
Union, Saratoga. "liow beautifully
that woman sings" said one lady to
another, who was in gorgeous attire
and blazing with diamonds as she a
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