Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-08-29
The squatter at Church

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The other day an old squatter came to
the city and attended divine services at a
fashionable church. He sat uneasily on a
cushion, and when the organ began to
rumble his hair began to stand up.
Turning to man who sat near to him, he
asked;
byhat sorter artickle do you call
That's the fatted calf bawling," he re-
piled.
Thought they'd killed him to feed the
projitkin' son on"
Yes, they killed one, but have raised
another"
The deep tones Of the organ roared like
storm behind the scenes. and the old
squatter, with wink of his dry-looking
eye. said:
Must be paving the grOun' now. He's
mad as hornet. SOrter lettin' up-now
he's down on it agin. Now they're twist
IN his Jail. JingO! how he filings up his
head in the air. Now they're givin' him
rope. Let him swing-hOld himr'
The choir burst forth in a melOdlOus air,
and the old fellow sat for moment in
seeming admiration, then turning again
TO his ncwly-tormed acquaintance he said :
Pretty coed singnI', but sorter slow.
They don't seem ter git right down to the
work. Now look at that bald-headed fell
Ter. He's dOdgin' pints right along, an
that other feller with them whiskers like
goat karn't keep up with the outfit while
that gal thar is leaYin' all o. them.
Wouldn't ketch anybody leavin' Nick
Muggles, feller that sings at our church.
Why, put him up thar with that turnout
and he'd go on an transack his business
an get through an be ready fur all sorts
o. fun fore that bald feller an his crowd
get nOWhar on the road. Nick's what |
call singer, an er fiddler; he can knock
the everlastin' spots often it. Why, he can
make fiddle call hogs, an talk like ten
year-old boy; an er banjo, huh. He can
make 1t cluck so plain that the horses in
the nelghborhOOd start off. Wish he was
here to-day. Look how that bald-headed
teller's slackin' up, will yer? Eff was him
ia quit. Now he's sOrter peartenin' up.
Look at the gal CT climbn', will you: and
Jing, see the gOat-whiskered teller pitch
after her. Hanged if he amt making it
lively for her. He'd 'er catch her ther ef
she hadenter lodged. Dnged ef he amt
got her now. Now he's got by her. There
he goes like a skeeEed rabbit. The gals
drOppln back now, an is gOin' along
with the bald-heaied feller. Hello, look
at that fat man pufin' along. Look at
him climb, will yer? The gals gittin'
uneasy agin. Look ut her prance. There
she goes after the goat-whiskered feller.
There they all go, bOokety, bOOkety. Now
they're all together. See 'em walk along.
Helloa, they've stOppedv'
The old fellow listened with rapt atten-
tiOn to the sermon, occasionally nodding
in approval or shaking his head in uncer-
tainty. When a man with the contribu.
tion box approached, the squatter asked:
What's up|'
We are taking up "A collection for the
heather, and as you seemed to be so much
interested in the sermon, didn't know
but what you would like to give few
dimes"
whats the matter with the heather 20
why, he doesn't know anything about
the Gospel, and we want TO raise money
enough to send it to him."
"Wall, I'll tell yer. / don't think he'll
spile afOre mOrnin'. I've got boss swap
on ham, an ef | ken git 'nuff boot, come
arOun' an Wen sorter look inter the mat
ter"
'But, my friend, the heather children
need clOthes.'
80 does mine, by jingo. Bill amt wore
nuthin' but a shirt for six months. an,
haster stay Outen perlite s'ciety. Ike's
got vacancy in his britches biggern yer
hat, an Jack haster stay under the house
when stranger comes, ease he got his
clothes scorched durin' hog kiln. Come
aroun' arter the swap, fur | don't think
the heather will spile fore mornin'.v