The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1883-10-03
The Staffords I'm UtaM,


wagon were woman and II man. The
former held within her ample grasp the
reins that guided the chunky motive
power of the caravan. Time with his
ruthless touch had plowed deep fur.
rows in her cheeks and brow, while wind
and weather had toughened and col
ored her spacious countenance. She
sat with her head erect, looking neither
to tho right nor left. Her eyes were
small and glowing, She was dressed
in faded calico, but was as neat as q
woman of her occupation could well be.
Seated by her eide was man with long,
flowing hair and beard frosted by age.
His complexion was dark as an Indian S,
and his eyes large and luminous. Nc
gear of any kind adorned his head, and
the toying of the wind among his locks
made HIM look like huge cotton boil
out on lark. Slowly the wagon
moved through Superior street, and
turned into Ontario. Arriving at the
Central Market halt was made, and a
neighboring restaurant visited. When
the reporter entered the man and wo-
man were seated at table partaking
OF refreshments in the shape of coffee,
bread and butter, -beefsteak and Sara
toga chips. When they had finished
both produced from some mysterious
crevice in their garments, short clay
pipes, and after filling and lighting them
seated themselves near the door for an
after-dinner smoke. Between blue and
not unfragrant puffs, the woman re-
lated to the reporter the foil owing
story, in a shrill key and down-east
accent:
my name is Sarah Stafford, and my
husbands Timothy Stafford. We live,
or at least we used to, twenty-eight
miles from Portland, State of Maine.
For four years we've been galavantin
about out West, and are now on our
way hum, thankful that we've had our
lives preserved, for we've been in some
almighty tight places, and several
times looked death in the face. We
don't look like Mormons, do we? Well,
we amt Mormons any more, but we
once was. Oh! yes; the fools amt all
dead yet, which accounts for our bein'
here to-day" And Mrs. Stafford
stopped and eyed her partner who sat
near the open door. .'You see," she
continued, after giving her pipe punch
with her finger, "Timothy was always
susceptible, and l had to do this, that,
and the otherthing, if wanted to live
with him IN peace. Well, one day,
while he was cuttin' grass in the meader,
leanish man with an awful oily tongue
came along and asked him to jine the
Mormons. Now, so far as / was con-
,cerned, hated Mormons wus than
did pizen, but when Timothy brought
the man to the house and he talked so
good and kind to me and called me his
dear Sister Stafford, sorter warmed up
to him and listened to what he said.
Oh! he painted an awful perry picture
of Utah, where all was love and happi-
ness, and where there was no backbitin'
or SANDER. He read to us from his
Bible and prayed, and seemed so good
that Timothy was actually struck,
while well, guess | was a little bit
struck, too"
At this point Mrs. Stafford leaned
back, and for few seconds was lost in |
contemplation and smoke. Meanwhile
Timothy pulled away, but said nothing.
The dumpy horses dozed in the sun,
while the dog slept the sleep of the in
nocent in the shade of the great wagon
The Stafford family were rccuperating
A minute elapsed before Sister Stafford
resumed. ITO make long story
short" said she, "Timothy and l were
persuaded to sell our farm and go to
Utah. We got there in due time and
was welcomed by the hull Mormon
Church. The deacons and other big
guns made great fuss over Timothy,
while the women looked after me. One
old fellow with a long neck and
crooked leg said we must buy farm
at once and prepare for great response
bilities. He then winked mysteriously
at Timothy and went away. Timothy
allowed that they meant to elect him to
some high office in the church, but |
told him office didn't bring in bread
and butter, so that guessed we d post
pone buying the farm until we found
out how we liked the community. So
we rented small house near the town
and held on to our cash. I'd been
scrapin' and diggln' for nigh onto
thirty years, and didn't propose to get
swindled if knew it. well, after we'd
been there awhile, along comes a squad
OF the deacons, who looked pious and
rcsigned-like, and said that Timothy
ought to take another wife, a Young
woman who could be daughter to me
and comfort to my declining years.
Well, sir, if they'd shot me down there
wouldn't have been more surprised.
"After had collected my thoughts a
little bit, | went into the kitchen and
got pot of bilin' water, and then |
sailed into them deacons. Scatter, you ]
better believed they did. Why, l
thought they'd break their necks trying ,
to get over the fence. The gate was !,
too small for EN-, and they went down {
the road like hurricane. Ipicked ND '
2 rake and went after en-, and if / I
iidn't haste the hindermost my name I
INIT Sarah Stafford. I'll warrant there
wasn't two inches of hull hide left on
either of the backs of the three last I
,nes. When l got back to the house l
ound Timothy in terrible rage. He
laid didn't have his pleasure or COM o
ort at heart, and that l didn't love him Il
ike used to in Maine. He even told d
ne that was gettin' too old for him, n
md that he ought to have young wife. b
Nell, sir, when he told me that / usad | /;