davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-05-10

PLATE Glass INSURANCE
THE LLOYDS PLATE GLASS INSURANCE CON-
PANY OF NEW YORK ITY.
$lOO 600 In u s. Bonds deposited with the Insurance
Department, ftate Of New York. for the security
of ali Policy holders.
1NSURES GLASS IN WINDOWS, SHOWCASES,
MINORS, &C., 30, AT REASONABLE RATES.
EITHER ON LIST Or COST VALUATIO :.
we respectfully solicit personal inquiries terms
from those having glass to insure against from
TYLEK l. RUTHERFORD, AGENTS,
-Inyf-IW 1226 street northwest
FOR RELIABLE AND PERFECTLY SAFE
y CATHAki IC take Natt&ns' Fls-home made, they
axe always fresh Have been used fifteen
py the people Of this city They contain nothing dele
'efous-are gentle and yet thorough in their action.
ARTHUR NATTANS, Pharmacist
myo 18th and I, I'D and d. and 7th and sts.n.w.
ooK WELL TO YOUR LIFE insurance. AND
carefully examine the merits Of the Mutual Reserve
tHnd Lie Association. II jig every mans duty to pro-
lde ior his family of his death Our business
s rapidly increasing From the LIST to the 18th of this
month we wrote over 81 90 600 Of Insurance. Our
ness over $40, 0GO 600 The plan sdonted by
a. great reduction in cost commends itself the
indulgence and common sense of ali who xamue it,
shd IN the words of celebrated actuary will revolu-
Tonlae life insurance in this country" Office in
washington. 1909 street. Agents wanted.
Iuu1f-Om l. Y. KNIGHN. MauaQer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
Fully Identified.

If there is any one thing the South
ern darkey is unwilling to admit, it is
that there is anything in the world he
does not know. Not long since, an
Austin Senegambian missed a pair OF
dove-colored Sunday pants that had
been star-routed from his trunk, with
out his knowledge or consent, by some
one unknown. He made complaint at
the police headquarters, and few
days afterwards pair of unmcntiona-
bles, similar to the missing garments,
were discovered among the other col
laterals deposited in pawnbroker's
establishment.
"Do you think you could identify
the pants if you were to see them ?"
asked the chief of police, on meeting
the distressed owner on the street.
"Does yer s'spose Use one OBJ dem
niggers that nebber learned de rudi-
mentaries?" was the indignant re-
sponse.
"But can you identify the pants if
you see them again?"
A plying smile came over the col
ored mans face as he replied with
scorn:
81 kin identify dem ar pants ef |
nebber sees 'em agin."-Texas Sift-
ings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
Temperancc Editorial.

1--WE are in favor of the repeal OF
the temperance law" wrote an Ar
kansaw editor. Every enactment
that tends to keep whisky from men
is Legislative blessing. Any man
with healthy temperaturement can
defy this evil, but the law is made for
the protection of the weak. 1t is
with a manly pride that we can shake
our fist at the monster and"
"Say, Colonel" called friend,
opening the door, "won't you 60 down
and take something?"
81 don't care" and the reformer
put on his coat and went out. About
two hours later, when he returned, he
was so drunk that it was with diff
Guilty he could find where he left off.
Finally he continued:
"At the head of the monster and
say at the head of the monster, and
say that the general assembly of the
State of the State general assem-
bly, and do nothing wiser than by al
lowing the law to remain as it now
remains to be remain. This, we think
is the wiscst view of question whose
influence would influence brings q
state before the public the public as a
state of sobricty scbrictyp-Arkan-
saw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
High Prices.

A travelling man for q high-toned
New York house pulled up in small
city out West and spread his samples
A slow-going old merchant looked
over them, and the high prices almost
gave him the Mysteries.
"Wait a minute" he said, going out
of the room to appear shortly after
with step-ladder.
"What's that?" inquired the aston.
ished G. T.
"Don't you sec it's step-ladder?"
"But what are you going to do with
itg"
"Well, your figures are so derned
high that thought maybe | could
reach 'em with this and buy bill Of
goods"
He was allowed a slight discount
for cash.-The Drummer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

ey, but as it is, | am afraid that can
not accommodate you"
"Why?" asked the astonished appli-
cant.
"Well, you see, you might not be
able to repay me at the appointed time
and would distress yourself. 1 do not
wish to be the means of distressing a
friend. Now if you were an enemy
I'd let you have the money"
81 promise you faithfully that l
will not be distressed even in case
cannot repay you."
ayes you will. / have borrowed
money and have never failed to be
distressed"
"Lend me one dollar"
"No, one dollar embodies the germs
of great deal of distress. l borrow
ed dollar once and promised to pay
it back at a certain time, but finding
that could not, / was greatly dis
tressed."
"Well, then, lend me fifty cents"
"My friend, the worst / ever was
distressed was after borrowing fifty
cents from a friend. After that
swore never to assist man in incuring
distress. You may think that it is
the money | care for, but you mis-
take me. | would willingly let you
have a hundred dollars if did not
think it would make you sad. No,
my friend, our mission Oh earth is to
add to each others happiness. AR
kansaw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Before cutting a mans head off in
China, the authorities considerably
made him drunk. The beauty of this
system is that man can get intoxi-
Gated without having a head on him
the next morning.-Rochester Ex-
press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

question; "Wall, where did you
come from, anyhowi" "From New
York City," "You don't say!" said
the backwoodsman, with astonish-
ment written on every line of his face,
and after moment added, pityingly,
Don't you hate tew live SO fur OFF,
.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
Would Cause Distress.

The consideration of some men is
beyond appreciation. 81 wish you
would lend me two dollars" said a
man to friend, "I'll return the same
Saturday"
81 am peculiar man about lend
ing money" the friend answered.
"If l did feel kindly toward you, I
would willingly let you have the mon
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Call this hot! !" exclaimed the man
with double chin "why, am quite
comfortable" Those who noticed his
onslaught upon the food were quite
willing to believe that he was come
for table.-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

"Charlie seems to enjoy life behind
that pair of trotters," quoth Smithers
to Rather, as a mutual friend sped
past them at a 40 gait. "Why should
not he9" answered r., "life is but a
span. Boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Professor, to young lady student
Your mark is very low, and you
have only just passed. Young lady
oh, L am so glad. Professor, sur
prised-Why? Young LADY, do so
like tight squeeze.-College Ex-
change.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

The new cashier was said to be q
man of parts, but when they came to
look for him just after his forced loan
on the establishment was discovered
they found his parts to be parts un-
known.-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Father" said Johnny, "this paper
says that many prominent citizens are
now i'll with pneumonia and kindred
diseases. What is kindred disease,
fatherS" "Why, my son." said
Smithy, "a kindred disease isis
why-yes, yes, yes, a kindred disease
is one that runs through an entire
family-kindred, relatives, you know.
Surprised you didn't know that,
Johnny."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

A Pullman car porter says he is
thinking of hanging out a black flag,
because he says he nearly always
finds "no quarter. Baltimore Every
Saturday.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Rhubarb pies, says a cookery item,
are improved by being baked in a
slow oven. So there is one thing in
this world which is the better done in
slow-ovenly manner.-The Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

"There is one thing connected with
your table," said a drummer to a
western landlord, "that is not sur
passed even by the best hotels in Chi
cago." eyes," replied the pleased
landlord "and what is that :" "The
alt."-Rochester Post-Express.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Once, long ago, a backwoodsman,
chopping wood by his log house, look
ed up from his work to find a well
dressed gentleman waiting to speak
with him. After a moments CONVEX
sation his curiosity showed itself in a
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

We are asked the question if water
does not sometimes intoxicate. 1t
frequently does. We have often seen
barrels that were water tight.--Drake's
Travellers Magazine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

1t is said that the United States
would stand a poor show in a naval
engagement. This cannot be. She
has plenty of navy to-backer.-Bos,
ton Star
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

"My DEAR" said Rather at the tea
table, looking up from his evening pa
per, "this French-China trouble looks
serious" "Yes," answered Mrs. r.,
Bridget broke the handle off the
sugar bowl to-day, but l didn't think
you would notice it so soon.-Boston
Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

A gentleman with an eruption OF
the scalp acknowledges with sorrow
that there is indeed plenty of rhcum
at the top.-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

"Bredner," said n darkey in pray
er meeting 81 feels if l could talk
more good in five minutes than /
could do in q year."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

What may be said to be favoritc
piece Of sculpture with every man
The fellow that he cut out.-Harper's
Bazar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Never intrust secret to philan.
thropist; he is always giving things
away.-Somervillc Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
Advertising Rates.

Business Cards, year, dollar for every line
local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion
and all notices continued for three months or longer
. discount Of rs per cent.
Advertisements unaccompanied by verbal or written
directions will be published three months.
Advertisements, under contract, ordered out le
fore expiration Of time, will be charged full rates
No paper discontinued until all arrearages paid
except at the option Of the publisher.
Transient advertisements must bo paid in advance
ETTerms CASH. payable quarterly.
Only Metal Cuts Inserted.
Prices and Terms alike TO all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

What is Tom Thumb General of?
Why, the minute men.-New York
World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Strange it is that under the revenue
laws it is crime to hide and keer
still.-New York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

The orbituary editor has things
dead to write.-New York News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

A model car conductor-the loco
motive.-New York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Nothing goes against the grain
worse than reaping machine.-N. Y.
World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

People who had much at stake
martyrs.-New York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Telephone transmitters should be
painted "yeller. Boston CONNER
cial Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

A blackmailer-a negro postmaster
Boston Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

A forbidding profession-the auc-
tioneer's.-N. Y. World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Often in poor spirits-the cork
Philadelphia Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27

Still at large-tbo moonshiner's.-
New York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
Flint e. Pere Marquette R. R,

The shortest, quickest, and most reliable route TO
and from Detroit, Toledo, Cleveland, Cincinnati
Saginaw and Bay City,
GOING EAST, SOUTH AND WEST.
Leave Alpena daily, except Sunday, by Alpona
and Standsh line of stages at a. m.
GOING soUTH-EAsT.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
Detroit & Bav City Railroad,
GOING SOUTH.
GOING NORTH.

Day and Evening Express daily Sundays except
ed. Night Express daily, saturdays excepted
II. d LEDYARD, HENRY c. WENTWORTH,
Genl Manager, Genl Pass. & Ticket Agt.,
Detroit. Mich Chicago, Ill.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
THE GREATEST VICTORY Of MEDICAL SCIENCE.
New Trial Sizes, 10 cents.
Regular size. 10 and 70 cents.

II is pleasant to take, and cures as II by magic
Colds, Coughs, Asthma, Influenza, Hoarseness,
Difficult Breathing, and all affections of the Throat
bronchial Tubes and Lungs leading TO
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
AdamSOn'S S Cough BaISam

is for sale by all respectable Druggists and Country
Dealers Prices, 1Oc., S5c. and 75c, Large bottles
cheapest. 5S5y1
FIELD & GRAY, Agents.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
CONSUMPTION.

II Is Prepared from Highly COncentrnted NeBetu
ble Extracts and Barks Gums and Roots of Won.
derfu healing Properties, and this Balsam is highly
commended by Clergymen, Eminent Physicians and
Scientific Men everywhere, testimonials from whom
we can furnish without number
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
A blackmailer-a negro postmaster
Boston Star.
Still at large-tbo moonshiner's.-
New York World.
Often in poor spirits-the cork
Philadelphia Herald.
A forbidding profession-the auc-
tioneer's.-N. Y. World.
A model car conductor-the loco
motive.-New York World.
People who had much at stake
martyrs.-New York World.
The orbituary editor has things
dead to write.-New York News.
What is Tom Thumb General of?
Why, the minute men.-New York
World.
Nothing goes against the grain
worse than reaping machine.-N. Y.
World.
Telephone transmitters should be
painted "yeller. Boston CONNER
cial Bulletin.
Strange it is that under the revenue
laws it is a crime to hide and keep
still.-New York World.
Never intrust secret to a philan-
thropist; he is always giving things
away.-Somervillc journal.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1883-06-14
Death of L. Darlington Cn5eIl, Esq. L.

Mr.. f. Darlington Cabell, OF this city,
died quite suddenly in Philadelphia yes
terday: aged thrty-three. Some years ago
by a misstep he fractured his ankle, and
had ever since suffered good deal from it,.
His health was, in fact, greatly shattered,
and it was i'm the hope OF receiving some
benefit from the advice OF an eminent sur
ge0n in Philadelphia that he visited that
city. Death overlook him most uneXpect-
edly, and plumges his wife, father, bro
thcrs, and sisters, and a large circle OF
friends, in the deepest grief.
He was a son OF DR.. K. G.. Cabell, Of this
city, and his youth gave promise OF long
life OF emincnce and usefulness. At Rich
mond College, where he graduated. he was
regarded as one of the brightest students
who ever entered that institution. Upon
leaving there (where he studied law, too,)
he entered upon the practice OF his proies-
sion with Mr.. c. Y. Meredith, the firm
being Meredith & Cabell. About 1874,
Captain George d. Wise having declined
reelection rs Commonwealth attorney,
Mr.. Cabell was nominated by the Demo-
crats and elected to the, office. Despite
his youth, Mr.. Cabell made first-rate
prosecutor, and that, too, in a court
which has more criminal business than
anv other in the Commonwealth. In
his day, particularly, the docket was
crowded with 1mportant cases. He was
noted for firmness and decision, clearness
Of statement, and quick apprehension OF
points OF law. lie went ont OF office only
when Captain George ID. Wise decided to
run agan, and even against that most
popular gentleman was able to poll at the
primary election vote which showed that
he was held in high estimation as well for
ability as lawyer as for faithful and sue
cessful service. Since that time Mr.. Ca
bell had been quietly pursuing his proies-
sion, often interrupted by i'll health; but
whenever he appeared in court he dis
played the talent that had early marked
him for distinction at the bar.
Darlington Cabell was kind-hearted
and amiable soul, and i'm this community,
where he was born and bred, and where he
was known to all, youngand old, there will
be general grief far his untimely ending
and most sincere sympathy for the afflicted
family.
Ills remains will be brought to Rich
mond for interment. They will probably
arrive here tonight.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1883-06-14
COMPETITIVE MILITARY DRILLS.
l'wo Thousand Dollars To be Given
Away I'm Prizes af the Fair Rules
Governing the Drills.

The following Is the announcement OF
the Virginia State Agricultural Society,"
General Williams c. Wickham, president
relative TO the competitive drills to take
place during the Fair:
Grand Competitive Military Drills on the
Fair-Grornds November 1, 1883.
g, 900 IN PRIZES CONTRIBUTED BY THE CrTI-
zEys OF RICHMOND THROUGH TIE CHAMBER
OF COMMERCE AND COMMERCIAL CLUB
COLONEL JOHN b. PURCELL, MILITARY AID,
IN CHARGE.
Class L-Prize. $1,000. Open to all
white military companies from West Nir-
ginia, North Carolina, South Carolina,
Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, and
Georgia.
The Virginia companies, through cour-
tesy to the visiting companies, will not
compete for this prize.
Class H-First prize, $500; second
prize, $3.50; third prize, $3.50; fourth
prize, 800.
This class is open to all white military
companies from Virginia, West Virginia,
North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky,
Tennessee, Alabama, and Georgia, except
ing the company which wins the $1,000
prize under Class !.
Companies desiring 10 compete will no.
tify Colonel John b. Purcell, Richmond,
Va, by the Goth day of October, 1888, and
must be governed by the rules prescribed
for the drill.
RULES GOVERNING COMPETITIVE DRILL.
1. Only white volunteer military compa-
mics from States named, and regularly or
ganzed under their laws, will be permitted
to compete for the prizes.
2. Each company entering for the prizes
shall consist OF at least two commissioned
officers and twenty men, IN addition to the
guides, and shall consist OF only bORa.tide
members OF the company.
3. The drill will be in the manual OF arms
and school OF the company, as prescribed
in Upton's Revised Tactics now in use by
the United States army. No other tactics
will be allowed.
4. The time allowed each company for
drill will be twenty minutes, reckoning
from time OF sounding the signal. Any
delay in entering will be counted in the
time.
3. The judges will be selected from COM
petent officers OF the United States army
by the Executive Committee OF the Vir-
ginia State Agricultural Society. and will
NDiNl>i vi hbl lNNN IMAM tliiNA OiA'NiH'
6. They will institute such system OF
comparison between contesting companies
as they may deem proper, being duly gov
erned by the rules herein expressed.
7. The general appearance Of companies,
the promptneSs OF execution, attention to
commands, and behavior in ranks, together
with the proper handling Of the men and
commands by the commanding officer, will
be considered by the judges in making
the awards.
6. The order OF drill will be decided by
lot on the day Of the drill. each command
ant drawing for his company.
Arrangements for quartering the visiting
companies will be in charge OF Captain A.
l.. Bargamin, Richmond, Va, quartermas-
ter First Virginia regiment, to whom all
correspondence on this subject should be
addressed. IL is necessary that companies
should report as early as possible, in order
that proper and sufficient quarters may be
provided.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1883-06-14

The Horton Draft n SwindIe.

II appears that the draft accepted by the
First National Bank OF this city and sent TO
the Merchants National Bank Of New York
for collection for Mr.. &. thinner was q
clever piece OF forgery. r. II. Horton, the
man who swiudled Mr.. thinner by buying
81 900 worth of territory for the sale OF
Zimmer's refrigerator, and paid HIM with a
draft or the New York bank named above
for Sl,497.j0, is the cleverest fraud eX-
tant, so it seems The Washington Star
of Yesterday says in this connection /:
After inquiry, Mr.. thinner executed the
papers, takin- the draft and giving Si97.50
change, and the purchaser left for this city
10 have the assignment OF patent recorded
in the Pafent-Oflice here but it appears
that no application to have the transfer
recorded has been made. The raised
draft has been seen here. and the bank
officers state that its fraudulent character
cannot be determined except by the most
minute examination. The amount in wri-
ting appears to have been carefully removed
by acid, and the discoloration caused
thereby is with difficulty detected. The
amount in figures in that portion OF the
draft which is perforated appears to have
been removed also by acid, and the new
figures appear TO be written without run
ming into the perforatiOns. Under mag
niiying glass the appearances are such as
to lead to the belief that this portion OF the
draft was very carefully ironed out before
the change was made, and the perforations
again made.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1883-06-14
ARaii,in~.Ground Needed.

Since the drowning OF young Thomp-
son-an experience similar to what we
have TO lament every year-the public
mind is most favOrably bent towards the
establishment OF a suitable bathing-plaee,
where boys, under the eye OF an expert,
may be taught to swim. There are num-
Der OF localities in the river that might
well be put to such use. II the old foot
bridge from Mayo's bridge to VauXhalPs
island were restored no doubt the desired
privacy might be secured west OF the
island. Those who contributed to the
maintenance OF the enterprise could by
having 4 gate-keeper on the ioot-bridge
free themselves from undesirable intruders.
The still-water-the water thrown back
between the Tredegar and Belle Isle by the
HaXall dam-would make beautiful bath
ing place and is OF easy access. 1.-The
Lake" now hard Of access, could by the
expenditure OF no great amount be put
within reach Of either VauXhalfs or Mayo's
island. or indeed Of the Free bridge.
If there are objections TO these places,
they may possibly be overcome; or, il they
cannot be, then some other spot could be
chosen. Public-spirited citizens should
call a meeting and organize the scheme at
once. a few hundred dollars will put il
into successful operation.
Who will start the ball!