The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-12-28


Emerson said; There is always
room for man of force He had
probably met Sullivan in a crowd.
Irving smokes cigarettes almost con-
tinually, We always thought he was
fond Of puffs.
The use Of French word in English
composition frequently fills the place of
an idea
New York ladies now take lessons in
fencing. They hope to make them
selves more killing than ever
Conceit is ike grease. 1t serves to lu-
bricate the machine Of life and make it
run smoother.
A topper defends his custom of get
ting tight on Thanksgiving day by say.
ing that man can not see Turkey
without thinking of the Golden Horn.
It's mighty mean man who wrote
"Pull Down the Blind" He would
probably be in favor of beating the
cripples.
AWestern man calls his trotting horse
90" The animal, it is supposed, has
only been successful in two races, hence
his odd name. Twice won's "2. -
A blue-stocking has written an essay
on 1.-THE Disadvantage of Being Pretty"
Most girls are good-natured and willing
to put up with the disadvantages.
A mis- is a japanese measure of
length l,5OO yards long, This is
mis- that is very nearly as good as a
mile.
THAT man liked to have knocked my
brains out. "Why, you don't say SOP
didn't notice that he kicked you.
thought he hit you on the head. y
"No," said Mr. Carefulbody, "Inever
say good word OF any man. How do
know but he will be up for Office some
day or other?" ...
About the most amusing thing we
know of is to watch bald-headed man
with wig try to scratch his head in
church on Sunday morning.
yes" said Amy. Il went to the
telephone and put the thingumbob to
my ear" 'Thingumbob!' scream
cd the high-school girl; you mean the
audituent tube"
Ofer you got rebutation, yoost put
him by der key und lock, He vas yoost
like some umbrellas, when you loose
him you dond see him not any more
yet. Carl Pretzel
Landlady-"It's singular, but true,
Mr.. Crossgrain that all my boarders
remain with me-" New boarder Cat
first meal)-"Too weak to leave, |
guess, after the first week
The New York Sun fails to answer a
correspondent who asks ''how can pro-
family on street cars and in other public
places be checked?' How would it do
to turn the rascals out"
There is one cheering reflection con-
nected with the subject of cremation.
II it ever becomes general, callow poets
will quit chanting their lays about the
cold, cold grave.
What are YOU laughing at, my dear?"
asked Mrs Jones Of her husband, who
was chuckling over his morning paper.
something I saw here he replied,
"but it's hardly funny enough for two
Reassuring: Sick man-What. a lady
physician? ! want "A doctor to make
me well, not a woman, to make love to
me. Woman ply scian-l promise to
do neither.
A sick friend writes TO us TO ascertain
the shortest road to health. There are
two paths-allopaths and homeopaths;
you take your choice and pay your
money.
II wish had a pug dog. said an
uptown youth recently. What in the
world d YOU want one Of the critters
for?' asked a friend. II know where
| could sell him for SIS was the earn
est reply.
$50 your husband is a critic? Now,
tell me, does he always write Just what
he thinks about play?n ''Oh, dear,
no! 1t wouldn't do. His paper goes
into the best families, and profanity is
out of the question.
How is Johnnie doinr ut schoolo'
asked "A lady OF Johnnie ; mamma dur
ing a cali. "SpieadiIlv. He talks in
two. languages now. dear me-
What are they: French or German
ooh, no. English and profane.
Monsignor Capel says that there is
more immortality in the daily newspa-
pcrs than anywhere else. The reason
for this state of affairs is that the daily
newspapers are filled with the immor-
alites of the rest of the world.
Married men have nothing to say in
disapproval Of the "shingled bang
A, a rule, married man doesn't care
! what his wife does to her own hair SO
long as she keeps her fingers out of
his.
ado You ever gambler" she asked, as
they sat together, her hand held in his
Z He replied No; but if | wanted to
now would be my time. ''How So"
'Bccausc hold a beautiful hand.
Tho engagement is announced
An Erie canal mule has toed the tow
path Of that raging inland sea since
. 1858. and isn't worn out yet The ca.
FATALITIES of the mule are always thrust
ing themselves to the front-or to the
rear, we don't remember which.
What do we learn from the parable
of the seven wise and seven foolish vir.
ginsp' was recently asked in a Texas
Sunday school. That we must watch
every hour for the coming of the bride
groom a gushing Galveston girl re-