Connecticut western news., 1883-10-03

family prayers, it torments me. l strug- to break it off, but I am weak-very wealz-and finally yield. I cannot go half day without it. No, I daren't travel where I can't obtain it. It is killing me. Twenty years ago weighed 22O pounds. Now I weigh 12O. It is destroying my life, slowly but surely. shall die of it. "What form does this deadly dissipa- tion take ?' asked the reporter, ill amaze ment, prepared for an appalling confes- sion. "Mush and milk, was the solemn and humiliating reioinder.
 HIS TURN AGAIN. 'sI heerd on the streets dat Sam John son glib you kick las night ?" "He did fur fac. lse suffering from de effec' ob it yit. "Why didn't yer kick him back ?" "Hey ?" "Why didn't yer kick him back ?" ''Bekase dar was noby dar but us two." "I don't see no sense in dat ar. "Yer don't? We'll, does. Oar be- ing only two of us present, ef l had kicked him backed, den hit would hab been my turn to be kicked agin right off, "- Tonas Siftings.
 SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. A blaze in the cabin of resident of "Kaintuck" called out the engines the other day and after them came the fire marshal to investigate and report.
 "Do you know how it caught ?" he asked of the householder.
 "Well, sah, reckon it was what dem big folkses calls sponfus combus- tibus."
 "You mean spontaneous combustion" ''Dat's 'zactly what means, sah. Yes, sah, I reckon it was dat" "What makes you think SOP" "Well in de fust place I sent de gal up in de garret to fin my ole butes. | In de nex' place she took 8 candle. In de las place she upsot de candle 'mong lot O newspapers an cum skinnin down de ladder wid her eyes as big as turnips an tole me dat de cabin was all afire. Yes, sah, I reckon it was spon- taneous combustion, an soon's we git de furnicher back in, Ise gwine to lick dat gal till she can't holler She orter knowed dat spontaneous combustion was sunthin' dat couldn't be fooled win."- | N1shUitJe An,erjcGn. WEARING AWAY. The year is wearing old.
 The weather's growing cold, And soon will hasten southward geese in fiocks, | focks, hocks;
 And the people weatherwise | Now gaze upon the skies, And speak of the autumnal equinox, 'nox, 'nox. 1 And now the parlor stove, | Dumb witness of true love, Exchanged and ratified by kisses sweet, sweet | sweet,
 | Is to it's place restored | Once more in sweet accord Beside it youthful lovers soon will meet, meet, | meet,
 | The winters coal lay in, And fill up every bin Before the rise in prices has begun, 'gun gun,
 For when the weather's cold, The dealer groweth bold, And adds couple of dollars to the ton, ton,
 ton.
 | Again the seasons come
 When married men go home. And try to play the old familiar dodge, dodge,
 dodge,
 By saying, yes, my dear,
 Iris very late, I fear,
 But then we've had meeting of the lodge,
 lodge, lodge. -Son,erutue Journal.
 THE ENvIoUs MANS REVENGE.
 Abraham and Joshua had been invited to splendid dinner.
 It was impossible for Joshua not to make capital out of such an opportunity; accordingly he managed to slip silver spoon into his boot.
 Abraham was green with envy at Joshuas success, for he had not even manipulated a saltspoon.
 But an idea struck him.
 ''My frents," he cried, "I will show you some dricks."
 Taking up spoon he said, "You zee dees spoon Well, it ees gone" !" he cried, passing it up his sleeve. "You will find it in J Joshuas bood."
 It was found.-LJe.
 SHE WAS UNLIKE ANY OTHER WOMAN.
 "There goes nice lady"
 "Yes, she seems to be so modest and quiet"
 'sShe is that; and she's just the kind I'd like to have for wife.
 "How's that ?"
 "Why, they say she goes to bed regu lar at nine o'clock every night ant sleeps until her husband gets home."
 "Is it possible? Why, that's remark able. She's unlike any other woman ever knew or heard of.
 "Oh, don't know-you see she sleep ,; before he gets home so that sh can lecture him the balance of the night Ky. State Journal.
 WANTED A CANNON. ,- During the Indian war of 1882 Gen eral Sherman paid visit to Cam 5 Apache, in Arizona. While there hug redskin, who was captain of the scouts followed the general wherever he went t and repeatedly begged as present on l. of the small cannons standing on tn | ,Jo Ivy 10 inn