The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-05
HUMOROUS.

The vegetarian's dilemma: IF drink
water they will say am using oxygen.
If drink something stronger, they will
accuse me of taking horn. Must |
perish from thirst?"-[ Touisville-Journ-
al.
1t is during these days of business
that clergyman. on selecting chap
ter in the Bible to read in church. first
looks at the end of the last verse to make
sure that no patent medicine advertise
ment is hitched on.
Not long since Georgia justice of the
peace was called upon to marry couple
of negroes. One of the walters went
home and said to her mistress: ''Missus,
tell you that man, Mr.. r., knows how
to disjoin folks tergether; he sings and
prays, and says. "hWat God has joined
apart let no man put over and under"
ELLA, my child, said. prudish old
maid to a pretty niece, &ho would curl
her hair in ringlets, If the Lord had in
tended your hair to be curled. he would
have done it himself 80 he did.
Auntie, when was a baby; but he thinks
| am big enough now to do it myself"
Plantation philosophy: De Shang-
high chickens minds me OBJ certain men
dat Use seed. He crows mighty loud
young chickens, but when game reost
er comes around he's got business on de
udder side OBJ de fence.-I Arkansaw Tray
eler.
Illinois is worrying over the question
"Who shall step into David Davis's
shoes?' The next Senator may step in
to David's shoes. but by the great Amsri-
can desert he'd better keep out of the old
mans trousers if he wants to be found in
time to draw any pay Burlington
Hawkeye.
An English chemist analyzed red
stocking and got out of it twenty-five
grains of tin. We shouldn't think he
got enough to pay his trouble-and yet
he couldn't expect to find gold mine in
one red stocking. A pair Of red stock
ings. however, frequently contain some
thing that a gold mine couldn't buy
| Norristown Herald
Some one has written the Lords
prayer on apeice Of glass not larger
than the head of a pin, which can be
easily read through y microscope. We
don't believe it will fill a long-felt want.
, The thousands Of people in this country
/ who won't read the Lords prayer when
it is printed in small plea type may tack
: lie kindly to this micrOscopical scheme,
, but we doubt It, NorristOwn Herald.
A preacher raising his eyes from his
desk in the midst of his sermon, was
paralyZed with amaZement to see his
rude boy in the gallery pelting the hear
ers in the pews below with horse-chest-
nuts. But while the good man was pre-
pairing frown of Teproof the young
, hopeful cried out: You tend to your
preaching. daddy: I'll keep 'em awake"
Il -[Chicago Tribune.
Has yer got any chilluns in dis heah
| hOuseg' asked Matilda SNOWFALL of an
, Austin lady to whom she wanted to hire
5 herself as cook and wash-lady. II have
d. only one child-a little baby" Den
/. amt gwine to hire myself to no family
whar dar am no chilluns or whar de
: chilluns am so small dat all de stealth
: and de breakn' OBJ de dishes am put of
+ on me- Texas Siftings.
= They were raised in Austin. but she
: did not know much about gardening; at
= the same time she did not care to expose
her ignorance to her husband. They
n had only been married a short time,
when he said Il notice the asparagus is
about ripe-don't you want to 60 out in
: to the garden and get some?" ",She re-
I, piled: I'm tell you what we will do
! We will go out together. You climb up
!, a, and shake the tree and Ill catch them In
my apron as they fall."-[Texas Sift-
J.. ings.