Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-12-12
PLEASANTRIES.

buoe.
MINISTER'S may forget their text, for
get their discourse, forget their hearers,
and forget themselves, but they never
forget the collection.-T61a8 .S3ft.
A BALTIMORE woman by the name Of
Charity struck her husband over the
head with boot, nearly killing him.
Charity begins at home. -BurJington
Free Press.
"No, sir, my daughter can never be
yours. 81 don't want her to be my
daughter" broBb in the young ardent,
want her tb be my wife, IN Y
Commercial A40ert58er.
" WHAT Is the worst thing about
riches! !" asked Sunday school teacher.
That they take unto themselves wings
and fly away, promptly replied the boy
at the foot Of the class. - Cincinnati
SATURDAY Night.
LET us have more cream pie. Could
anything be simpler than the following
recipe, which we clip from an exchange:
"Take cream enough to ELL a dish, add
eggs and flavor to the taste. - Incin-
natl Saturday Night.
CARE you going to play the plccolo
tonight" asked one member of the or
chestra of another. eyes. "Then I
hope you'll piccolo note to begin with.
The piccOlo player was carried out on
shutter.-OH city Derrick.
IT was supposed that highway rob-
berry, arson and murder were about as
he1nous Ofenees as q cowboy could be
guilty Of, but we have lately seen some
verses In our exchanges. signed "The
Cowboy Poet. Norrj8to1On Herald.
A RACE between pigeon and pony
IN England was won by the pEd. This
isn't considered much of an exploit in
this country when a common American
swallow will take in all the ponies bar
keeper will trot out.-BO8ton Courier.
DR.. f. Cat the clinic, TO students)-
g Gentlemen, I have to beg your par
don. I've made slight mistake and
taken off the patients well leg. How
ever, I'll cure the other, which will
make it all right" Applause. 1-Phjza-
delpTin CaIE.
A HEALTH journal advises. s'Do not
lie on the left side" It may be I'M
healthy, but what is a man to do when
he is lying on the extreme edge of the
bed, with a twelve months teething
Turn over andspoil the infant ?-Drakc'8
Magazine.
81 MARRIED you," said romantic
young woman turning to her husband
who came home drunk, "beeause you
were different from others, but now I
find that you are the meanest man I ever
saw" ''Thaz all ride" he reioined,
for yer ze'm still different, being tn
meanest man yer know. Traveller.
A SAN Francisco man advertised for
1920 red-headed girls-must be good
looking" and not one response was re-
ceived. A few days later he advertised
for 1920 golden haired Beauties" and
before the paper was out two hours the
street in front of his Office was crowded
with just the style of beauty he desired.
Bismarck Tribune.
THIRTY Thousand Dollars for the
Blind" screams the New York Sun in
startling headlines. Shows the extrava-
CANT notions of the age. Who, but mil
iOnaires and newspaper men, can stand
in when the blind is so high as that, with
the chances of raise before the cards
are drawn? And who would feel like
straddling such blind ?-Er.
"ToMMY. go down to tne grocery
store and bring me a pound of starch. y
- l haven't time to go down to the gro
Gerry store and get pound OF starch.
It's most school time now. SIS that
so ?" said Mrs. McVapid with troubled
look. Then frightening up she added:
g Well, then, run down and get only
half pound. "-Ieras SiftingS.
ct WANT to get dog muzzle," said O
little fellow entering a hardware store.
lis it for your father?" asked the eau
tious storekeeper. No, of course it
isn't, F." replied the little fellow, indig-
nantly, sits for our dog" The store
keeper has resolved to be more guarded
in the future when he asks customers
questions. - YO1aEerS Statesman.
Spa" said Rollo, looking up from
sRoughing It, "what is gold bearing
quartz ?" "WeIl, my son." replied
RolIo's father, who was glancing in a
troubled manner at the miikman's bill
for October, "when man sells diluted
water for nine cents quart, think he
has struck better gold-bearing quartz
than ever Mark Twain dreamed of.
Mr.. FoGARTY and Mr. Samuelgon have
long been friends, but they are SO no
longer, In consequence OF Mr.. Fogarty's
propensity for joking, Mr.. Samuelson
is known to be very parsimonious. He
remarked to Fogarty: "The rats are
very bad in Austin. They are trying to
gnaw Ia hole in my pantry. What
should [ do to circumvent them?"
"Starve them to death by leaving the
door of the pantry open at night.
WERE you ever struck by lightning,
deacon % asked the boarder of Farmer
Furrow. . Wal. not exactly" replied
the old man, 'but know how it must
feel" elbows that?" Why" whis-
pered the granger, as he nervously
glanced toward the kitchen door where
his wife sat Smelling beans, "the old
woman once caught me trying to kiss
the hired girl, and just then his
helpmeet looked up, and the farmer
quickly called his boerder's attention to
the antics of a calf in an adjoining field.
N. Y. Conn.
MEMBER of French legation no
talk Anglaise vera veil. Ven / pay re
wine, vat gay p Congressrnan-''Y You
say, Come let us SMILE" M. Of f.