The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1883-12-06
MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS AND
THINGS.

The hired girl who is called up at
O'Clock in the morning thinks arose
two hours later would be quite us
sweet.
There are 100000 widows in Ger
many. Some of the husbands are in
heaven, but the most of them, no
doubt, are IN this country.
Cold weather drives the American
Indian from the warpath to govern
ment barracks. He survenderS Tor q
blanket and Il bottle Of WHISKY.
'L2ndlady, please. pass yoar cow
down this way" asked one Of the
dandy" while ut the supper table.
Certainly she replied. Here,
waiter. take the COW down to where.
the calf is bleaUi2g.'
1t is estimated that the funny"
papers publish over 10000 witty par
agraphS every year. This amount of
humor," says the Chicago Sun, should
keep our people between grin and
laugh most Of the time
NO, William she mournfuny ut
tered, still allowing him 10 retain her
hand. NO, William, cannot marry
you. l don't believe you can provide
a wife with butter upon your present
salary, and | can't eat oleomargarine.
1t has been discovered that the peo-
pie of Cincinnati eat more veal and
drink more beer per head than the
people of any other American city.
The consumption of beer is worth $50
for each man, woman and child per
year.
StTaW-b0ard manufacture is grow
ing in Ohio to enormous proportions.
Several large concerns have been built
the past season. 1t is made from
wheat straw, and. therefore, factories
require to be located in wheat grow
ing regions.
Whether to treat to oyster steWS,
and enjoy a bliSSful hour with his
dulcinea, or invest his cash capital in
winter underShirts, is the more than
Euclid abstruse problem which now
engages the young man of circum-
scribed resources.
President Arthur is said to be par
ticular about his hair. One reason
why he don't get marri is because
he is not particularly partial about
having it combed with three-legged
stool, and doesn't want anyone to pull
let out by the roots.
The respective governors Of North
Carolina and South Carolina attended
the Luther QuartO-Centennial, and
they hadn't got quarter through the
ceremonies when each inStinctively
remarked to the other, Il wonder if
Luther ever waited so long for a
drink -
The husband Of Mrs. CORVALLIS
West has been caught i'll the act OF
travelling through the West. He is q
major. tall, handsome and possessed
of winning manners, and the last
thing reported as claiming his eS-
pecial attention was the thorough
bred stock of.Kentucky.
A young lady of our acquaintance
who oug ht to know something
whereof she aflirms, readily accounts
young man to put his arm around a
he is casting about her for the rib
which was taken him SO long time
ago.
The Connecticut farmer now buys
all TIE oleomargarine he can find and
mixes it with genuine butter and
sells it for butter. He is as cunning
as the sugar planter who buys glucose
and mixes it with sugar at his sugar
mill. The law does not catch on to
such cheats, and public opinion is
slow.
A writer in the Providence Jour
nal, referring to the efficacy OF the
balsamic olor Of pine for weak lungs,
makes this suggestion: Very proba-
bly, the day will come when pine and
spruce pillows will be as frequent a
household appurtenance in our bleak
climate as the quinine bottle has long
been in the Southern and Western
states.
Acres Of trout, says the Concord On.
H.) Monitor, have heen seen over the
spawning beds of New Found Lake
recently, and though they were say
Of the hook and line, mot more than
twoh undred having been caught in
the whole year." they jump out of the
water by hundreds, and many have
been killed by being shot or struck
with oars.
Mary Churchill's father has fixed it
all right with Mary. The musical
programme is thusly arranged: One
hour drumming on the parlor grand,
and one hour grandly paving on the
fluted keys of the kitchen piano, to
the tune Of Rub, rub, rub, aWash
and scrub" aud SO alternating through
the day. Every other day change is
made in the advertisement in favor Of
the sad iron and shirt band. Mary
says it is just simply superb!
Among recent patents issued is one
for the manufacture of paper from
the common grasses of this country,
and the inventor claims that paper
made by this process will be softer,
more transparent and much cheaper
than paper made from linen stock.
He estimates that an acre of ground
will produce from 30,492 to 66,340
pounds of green grass, and this, in
turn will yield about Bill pounds of
superior paper.
Japan is more progressive and en-
terprising than China. and according
ly we find that, while the great CeleS-
tial empire has no railways, its island
neighbor has quite an extensive SyS-
TEN in operation. and contemE!7+Ns
the construction of considerable u
lions. The empire of Japan consists
of four islands, one twice as large as
the other three combined. and its to-
tai area is nearly 10000 square miles,
or about one-fourth greater than that
of Iowa and Missouri combined. Hav-
ing so much coast, there is less neces-
sity for railways. But the govern
ment proposes to have complete sys-
tenn Of these modern highways.