Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-09-06

kitchen, where his girl was baking,
and inadvertently sat down on a hot
pie Just from the oven, now boasts
that he descended from the upper
crust.
Dear lady, please help an unfortun-
ate man. amt had no work at my
trade since last winter.
Poor mani What is your trader
'Shovellin' snow, mum
'sWhat becomes of all the oleomar-
GARNER is a new conundrum Don
you feel a wooley, muttony taste in
your mouth after you've eaten bread
and butter There's where the oleo
has gomez
A Virginia girl picked and sold
enough blackberries this year to buy
her father shotgun and sixteen traps,
and a woman in Nebraska has cut
and sold over 5000 worth of railroad
ties. and bought her husband either
and a gold watch
NV daughter wanted me TO get her
a pair of mosquito gloves. | suppose
she means those kind like mosquito
netting Your daughter probably
means 'mosquetake " Shouldn't
wonder if that is it, only you get
more of the French into it than | do. y
A young miss of Is asks what is the
proper thing for her to do when she
is screnaded by party of gentlemen
at a late hour We are glad to be
able to answer this question Steal
softly downsta irs and unite the dog.
The high school girl says the ex-
preston got the bulge" will soon
be superseded by obtained the con-
vexity.n And so we hasten to remark
that maidstone stories have obtained
the conveXity" over other summer
fables
1t is said that Philadeldhia girls are
learning to play baseball One thing
which will initiate greatly against
their success is the fact that the fe-
male vocabulary is not sufficiently
broad and deep to do justice to the
umpire, when he makes an adverse di-
cision.
civilian Penn is all very well, :"
said faded Boston belle of very I'M
certain age, ''but after all he was a
comparatively late arrival [ came
over in the Mayfower." Shouldn't
wonder, responded Philadelphia
man, and yet she didn't seem pleased.
swimming teacherof New Orleans
recently encountered, while swim
ming in Lake Pontchartrain, a saw
fish four feet long, six inches in di-
ameter, with forty-two teeth in its
jaw, and he whipped the fish in a fair
fight, killed it, and lowed it to the
wharf If that man can swim as well
as he can lie, he could tackle the Nj
agara Whirlpool without a tremor.
"How well he looks, what manly
vigor he possesses, how clear his eye,
how elastic his step, how buoyant and
cheerful his spiritsn The above is
part of a patent medicine advertise
ment, but so elastic and vivid is the
English language that it applies equal
ly well To the young man suddenly
interviewed by her fathers dog.
my Dear Sir, wrote Philadelphia
man to his daughters absent lover,
your letters to my girl are so thick
and heavy that in taking them home
from the postotfice they spoil the set
of my coat Won't you please ad-
dress to the house direct or else send
your letters IN SecJOnSf
Elderly and obnoxious sutton who
was the first to arrive and evidently
means to be the last to go; 81 have
forgotten most of my mathematics,
but at oour age, sir, | was devoted to
them. Impatient young lover; "Ah,
then you are probably familiar with
the rule of three +" E. s.. "The
rule of three2" l. Y. L.; Eyes, that
two is company and three is-one
more
Simon, you've been drinking
again, smell liquor on your breath,
and it was only yesterday you prom
Used me, your fond wife, that you had
now finally reformed" Yes, Mrs
Mulberry (hic), ash So but you she
(hic) the choleras a-raging in Egypt,
(hic), ans comm in this direcshun
like (hic) 'spress train. Got to begin
to brace up my (hic) system in time,
Mrs. (hic) Mulberry"
Miss b. had told the servant to say
she was unwell if any gentleman
called, and when the bell rang the
girl met the visitor. Is Miss b. ing'
he asked Eyes, sir, but she is sick. )"
''Ah, indeed ] hadn't heard of it.
What IS the matter2" i guess as how
it must be you, sir, for she was well
enough before you called"
The extraordinary physical likeness
existing between the Marquis of Lorne
and Mr. Stuart Cumberland, the mind
reader, is the subject of general re
mark in Toronto, according to the
Mail of that city. 1t has also been
noticed at Saratoga. where numerous
persons, seeing Mr. Cumberland an
nounced in good faith that the Mar
quis of Lorne was in town.
George w BROMLEY, the old sol
der who died recently in Philadel-
phia, was not the slayer Of Osceolo, as
asserted in an Associated Press dis
patch. The Seminole chief was treach-
erously made prisoner October %,
1887, while holding a conference un-
der flag of truce, with General Jes-
sup, near st. Augustine. He was tax
en- to Fort Moultrie and held until he