Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-02-21
ALPENA, MICH, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 2l 1888

ALPENA, MICH, "
WIT AND HUMOR.
1t is said that Digger Indians arc
never known to smile. They are
grave Diggers.-Ex.
1t is hard to fully understand the
use of great snow storm, but any
one can see the drift of it.-Ex.
The baby that was carried across
the East river foot bridge yesterday
will be baptised riget.-Graphic.
Albany boasts of a man who is SC
cold-blooded that a dog who bit him
in the leg had his front teeth frozen,
-Ex.
a muff is described as thing that
holds a girls hand and doesn't squeese
it. This definition is almost correct
The Judge.
The Pittsburgh Telegraph has few
words to say about matters in Con.
gress, and adds that it is quite easy for
a Michigander to make q goose OF
himself.
After boy is tired out hoeing po-
tatoes, nothing seems to rest him more
than to dig over few square rods OF
green sward in search Of fish bait
Rome Sentinel.
A man is said to be absent minded
when he thinks he has left his watch
at home and takes it out of his pock-
ct to see if he has time to return home
and get it.-Ex.
People who don't understand why
parrots are invariably so vicious in
their discourse, must be stupid. What
would you expect from bird but
fowl talk.-Boston Post.
Edith-The reason editors wives
don't load themselves down with dia-
monds is because they fear that strang-
ers will think their husbands are
pawnbrokers. Philadelphia News.
"Well | swan, Billy" said an old
farmer to an understood nephew who
was visiting him, "when you take off
that plug hat and spit two or three
times, there amt much left of you, is
there ?"-Ex.
A Vermont farmer stroked his gray
locks and sadly remarked: 81 didn't
really know how feeble | was until |
went to lick James this morning. He
is only seventeen, but | couldn't make
him holler. Elk.
"Perdu." u."-Visitor ooh, ho! Here
you are Found you out! What a
snug little den ~ Recluse, chuck
ling: "Yes, here | am, with my
pictures and my books and here |
can sit and read all day long and no.
body bit the wiser" Punch.
Nothing" remarked a teacher OF
botany the other day, nothing will
come up when the ground is frozen. "
If the teacher will just try to put the
crupper on a bay mule when he is
feeling little dyspeptic, he will dis
cover there are two things which come
up like rockets without any regard tc
the weather.-Ex.
Two English girls are romping with
boisterous laughter in a hotel at Nice
Then comes the shocked matron
"For heavens sake, Mabel, don't
They'll take you for one of those hor
rid American girls" One of this
sweetly designated class, CHANGING tc
overhear, says gently: II guess not
with those awfully big feet."-Ex.
"My mothers awful fickle," said
little Edith to Mrs. Smith, who wa:
making a call. "When she saw you
coming up the street, she said, There's
that horrid Mrs. Smith hope she
isn't coming here : and a minute af
ter she told you she was real glad tC
see you. Mother says I'm fckle, but
| guess don't change my mind as
quick as that. ."-Ex.
eyes, brethren" said a preacher
from the pulpit, "you are the passen
gers on train speeding its straigh
and narrow way to glory and | an
the conductor of that train, thanl
the Lord" "You run her first class
| should say" remarked stranger
looking over the congregation, "fron
the number of sleepers you're haul
ing. The Drummer.
Puck says the ace is the lovelies
spot on earth. Not worth a cen
without one or two with it, though
N. II. Register. A Greek scholar say
that in the game of seven up-what
ever that may be-when the stake