davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06
A Wicked Joke.


The members of the Oil Exchange are
a rather swell set of young men,
but the lead in the matter of clothes is
taken by youth known as s'the dude, y
whose name is withheld for the sake of
his relatives. The dude strolled into
the Exchange during dull hour yester-
day. and Solomon in all his glory was
never arrayed like one of him. To be-
gin near the bottom, his feet (the dudes,
not Solomon's) were incased in the
glessiest of patent feathers; his trousers
fitted ike the paint on lamp post; his
coat had never a crease from tip to top;
his linen was starched until it shone, and
his collar was perfection itself, and raised
his chin so that he could only gaze at
the floor at the hazard of cutting his
throat. But his tout ensemble, so to
speak, was completed and set off by the
darlingest silk hat imaginable, with the
broadest and most curling of brims and
beautifully bulgent top. Altogether
he was radiantly, dazzlingly beautiful.
The dude stopped near the middle of
the floor, struck an attitude much af-
fected by garden statuary, and gazed
serenely and pityingly upon his common
place fellOw-brokers. But horror of
horrors! A rude man came behind him
and jerked the silken tile from his head,
and the next moment it was thrown to
the floor, had received a kick, and a
dozen brokers were running after 1t.
They surrounded it, scuffied for it, and
away it sailed again toward the ceiling
with the entire membership of the Ex-
change, save only the owner, in wild
pursuit. Round and round the floor
gamboled the merry brokers with the
hat before them. Now it was suffering
in their midst, thenit shot over the floor
in desperate efforts to escape, only to be
again overtaken, trampled, kicked and
trodden until it presented an appear
ance as if it had been laid down on by a
cow and then spent summer under a
dust heap, and the gay brokers were
tired out and perspiring.
The dude, during this terrible period,
stood aghast, and with horror depicted
in every feature, turned in frozen des-
pair as the gambols of his wicked as
sociates led them to the four cardinal
points of the room s compass. But when
a grinning messenger-bo brought him
the battered corpse of his precious dicer,
he forced smile which was only des-
olate mockery of happiness, and re-
marked:
cav dawn't care, anyway. 1t was
an old hawt.
Then the rude man who had torn the
tile from the unhappy adolescent's head
approached, and handed him the silken
hat uninjured, and the dude learned
that he had been the victim of wicked
joke. An old hat had been SUBJ
stituted on the floor, while the joker
held the victims tile behind his back.
And it came to pass that the noise of
the unholy laughter was so great as to
jar the ticker into the waste basket, and
the dude will wear derby hat to-day
and forever after while on the floor Of
the Exchange.-N Y. Times.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06
How Salmon Eggs are Obtained.

About the 25th of October the work OF
stripping is begun and continued till the
whole number of fish has been attended
to. The fish when wanted are taken
from the water in a dip net, and their
condition readily ascertained by gently
pressing the abdomen just back of the
PICTORIAL fin. If the Ova are ripe they
will be felt like so many peas beneath
the skin, and slight pressure will
cause them to be deposited in a pan
placed for that purpose. If the ova are
not ripe, or the fish not disposed to yield
them, she is returned to the water for
few days longer. After the ova has been
deposited the milt is obtained from the
male in the same manner, and imme-
diately after falling upon the ova it
diffuses itself among them, causing them
to at once individualize and grow harder,
till within two hours thev will be as hard
as unripe peas and perfect globular in
form. At once after this fertilizing pro-
cess the ova are washed several times
in cold water, and then set away in cold
water for couple of hours, that all i'm
purities may be removed. The number
of eggs obtained from each fish varies
from two thousand to twenty thousand,
the latter number having been obtained
this season from fOrty-four inch sal
mon estimated to be a dozen or more
years old, and about as old as any are
ever obtained for spawning purposes, as
the age of such fish are estimated to be
from four to fourteen years. At the ex-
piration of the two hours mentioned
above the ova are prepared for the
Matching troughs by being placed upon
wire screens with meshes about an
eighth of an inch square. These screens
are enclosed in frames a foot square, and
thick enough to allow half inch of water
to flow beneath each one, to assist which
an eighth of an inch is removed
from the bottom of each of the four
sides for three-fourths of their length.
Ten of these Matching frames are then
placed above each other in a skeleton
frame to form ''nest," and the whole
then deposited in the Matching troughs of
depth and width just sufficient to con-
tain row of these nests, after which
the water is turned on and steady flow
maintained through the trough till the
latter part of January, when the ova
will have developed as much as it is
safe to allow before distribution among
the several States, under whose care
they are finally Matched and disposed of
as desired. Portland Me- Cor. Boston
journal.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06
JANE, JR.

Jane, Jr., has hair like wheat
Golden in its color,
Only of the two the wheat
is by far the duller.
Eyes as brown as nuts that fall
In the late October;
Full of fun in testing times,
Tender in the sober.
Lips that sometimes make you feel
All the time like tasting;
So much sweetness seems a sin
To be idly wasting.
Hands-such handy little hands,
Dimpled deep and ruddy-
Just the kind of hands, you know,
For lifetime study.
When the COWS come up the lane,
When the sun is setting,
When the dew is falling soft,
Grass and daisies Wetting-
Jane, Jr., stands beside the bars,
And l stand beside her,
Feeling that I'd like to share
All that may betide her.
Share the bad and bitter things,
Share the sweets and honey;
Share her smiles and share her tears,
Share the old mans money.
Little Jumps, fast in my throat,
Please to skip and let me
Tell my love of all my love
That has long beset me.
20 We gOdsl to loves young dream
What brisk death-rattlel
.'Stop that spooning, Nancy Jane,
And hurry up the cattle!
Jane, Jr., to the milking speeds,
A dutiful siXteen-year,
While seek some quiet spot,
Cussing Jane, the Senior.
Chicago TYibun
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

-Boniface DE Roo, native of Hol-
land. who had lived for the last seven
teen years in Akron, o., where he died
recently, bequeathed $4,000 to that
city, his entire fortune. When he was
eighteen years old a severe illness prac-
tfcally destroyed one of his lungs, but
by uncommon prudence and care he
prolonged his life to seventy two years.
He visited many States and countries in
search of the climate most favorable to
his infirmities, and, thinking that he
knew more about his condition than any
one else, entertained a poor opinion of
doctors. Brought up near the field of
Waterloo, De Roo, as a boy, saw the
troops of cavalry riding to the battle,
and remembered holding the horse of a
French officer who had occasion to dis
mount on his way to the conflict.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

There is a hamlet known as Towns
vile in Orange County, n. Y, and a
citizen there has a number of children
who were born on each day of the week
them from the days of the week on which
they were born. A short time ago an
other was born, which was q sticker for
him, there being no more days to name
from, so he called the last ons OnB
Week.-AlbGpy Journal
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

"A law forbidding rumseIlers to
maintain such distractions In their
windows as viii prevent free view of
the premises is. on the Massachusetts,
statute book, but in Boston it is com
monty disregarded. Some Prohibition
lists argue that to open these places to
public view increases the temptation
to drink. It's. also said that young
persons who have not yet contracted a
strong appetite for alcoholic liquors, and
with it a loss of sef-respect, viii 90 by
a hundred saloons that are complying
with the screen law to enter one where
they viii be concealed while taking their
drink. AS rule, the worst bafTooms
are those that obey the law as to screens.
Boston Transcript.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

"A. German paper, the IlEqtstrirte
Zeitat7sg, reports that German emigrants
return weekly in great numbers from
America. One hundred agricultural
laborers returned recently from Chicago
to their old homes in East Prussia.
They explained their i'll success by the
much quicker, but less thorough, work
of the Americans with whom they had
to compete. They had with difficulty
earned their passage money.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06
Mr.. A. c. SrRAwBR1DGE
Solicitor,
SLOCUM.

and beneath was written in pencil:
Bearer suspects nothin.
.'Well, I'm dumbfounded. Listen,
my girl, this is all nonsense, broke
forth Tom, impetuOusly Here / am
landed with COMPOUNDED parcel that
know nothing about. Go and tell your
master must see him-or. at all events.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

AT a church fair at White Plains,
n. Y, a purse was offered for the young
girl who could come forward and assert
that she had declined all invitations to
eat ice cream during the summer.-M.
z San,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

"A Boston paper prints 'sthe coal
sheds of Mount Auburn, y for 1.-THE cool
shades of Mount Auburn, y in one of Ben
Buffers speeches.-M. 2. Mail
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

One of the queerest curiosities on
the globe is man with a silver skull,
who was visiting in Louisville, Ky.
During fiercely contested battle in the
late war this interesting individual was
struck in the head with piece of shell,
which tore away the entire top of his
skull, leaving the brain most horribly
exposed. Strange to say, he survived
the terrible wound, and noted surgeon,
who was one of the physicians in attend
ance upou the lamented Garfield, sue
ceeded in fitting a. silver plate over the
opening, which shielded the brain
equally as well as the skull. This plate
is about the size of a mars hand, and
works on hinges, and may be raised up
and down at will. The re-skulled man
does not experience the least pain, and
as he wears wig all evidence of a shat
tered skull is concealed. Il Louisville
Courier ,Folsr71Gl.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-12-06

-"God Forbid is the name of an
Arizona town. Chicago Herald.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09

Mr. E w Hopkins, 600 w Twenty Sc
cond street Chicago, III, says: Browns $
Iron Bitters cured me of severe dyspepsia
after physicians failed:
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
CRIMINAL.

ALBANY, Oct. 9.-In the Albany court
of Oyer and Terminer the cases o. the
people v Loren b. Sessions, charged with
attempt to bribe Assemblyman Bradley,
was called yesterday. During the sena-
torial deadlock of 1881, when Roscoe
Conkling and T. c. Platt were trying to
get back into the United States senate
Bradley was voting for them and Sessions
was voting for the other candidates
One morning Bradley precipitated a sen
sation upon the legislature and the public
by rising in his place and proclaiming
that Sessions had offered him So. 600 if he
would change his vete from Platt and
Conkling to Chauncey M. Depew and
William II. Wheeler. The alleged brihe
of money was placed in the hands of
George II. Sharp, then speaker of the
assembly, by whom it was retained and
afterwards given in charge of the state
comptroller. Before a committee of in
vestigation Sessions denied every charge.
The committee report failed to clear up
the case and Sessions was indicted by the
grand jury of Albany county, The de
fense desired postponement. but not
making formal motion to that effect the
judge decided to go on with the case.
Only two jurors had been obtained when
the court adjourned for the day.
DEs MONIES, Oct. 9.-An old resident
of Marion county, by the name of Wm.
Hart, committed suicide Sunday evening
by shooting himself in the head No
cause can be assigned. He was in good
circumstances, and had no family trouble
Quincy, H., Oct. 9.-An Usage Indian
doctor named Joseph Rogers, shot and
killed his wife, white woman, yesterday
and then committed suicide. Jealousy
was the cause.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
WASHINGTON NEWS.

WASHINGTON, Oct. 0 "A cable message
was received al the departmon1 of state
yesterday from Consul General DENNY
stating that quiet prevails in Canton and
that there is no truth in the report of the
assassination of United States Consul
Seymour, who Is alive and we'll This
telegram was received in reply to one sent
by the acting secretary of state Monday
morning, asking for information on the
subject.
In court yesterday morning Nathaniel
Wilson, one of the counsel of ex-senator
Kellogg, asked that the trial of Kellogg
in the Star route case be set for a hearing
at an early day; either this month or in
November The court said that other
cases were pressing for trial, and that he
did not think the Kellogg case could be
tried before the second Monday IN De
cembcr Wilson reserved the right,
however to apply hereafter to have an
earlier day fixed for the trial.
Gen Dent has asked to be placed on
the retired list Dec. 1st under the forty
years service provision.
Gen. Sherman and Gen Tidball, who
have been on tour of inspection and
observation among the military posts of
the far west, returned to Washington
yesterday morning and resumed their
duties. They have been away from the
city 10 days and in that time Travelled
10.61S miles. Gen. Sherman will attend
the reunion of the society of the Grand
Army of the Tennessee at Cleveland ON
the 18th and 18th insts., after which he
will return to the city and close up the
affairs of his office. SO that Lieut. Gen
Sheridan may be fully installed before the
meeting of congress.
The commissioner of patents overruled
the board of examiners in chief and re
vcrsed their decision in the case of Saw
yer and Mann VS.. Edison, involving the
priority of the invention of the incandes
cant conductor for the electric lamp
formed of corbonized paper. The priority
invention awarded to Sawyer and Mann,
who, it is held in the decision completed
their invention at least one year in ad
vance of Edison. The supreme court
adjourned without transacting any
business of importance.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
CATTLE INSPECTION.

CHICAGO; Oct. 9,-For some time past
the Times, through its columns has been
exposing the insufficient inspection of
cattle and hogs at the stock yards, adyO-
eating the inspection of stock of all kinds
at the yards be placed under the control
of the city health department of Chicago,
with full authority 10 condemn. Hereto
fore the Chicago health department has
had an officer at the stock yards, but his
authority was next to nothing, 1ester-
day at meeting of the stock yards
directors and officers of the town of Lake,
it was agreed that the health commission
er of Chicago should have absolute
control of the stock yards for inspection
purposes, with authority TO condemn
cattle or other animals as he saw fit. The
jurisdiction of the health commissioner
was also extended over all packing and
slaughter houses situated IN Lake.
Health officers were Immediately stationed
at each of the three gates. All cattle
entering or passing were examined, The
animals condemned during the day were
placed in separate pen, and each day
they will be slaughtered. Five animals
were thus killed last evening, and the
carcaSses turned over To the Union Ren-
derng company at So each. The action
of the stock yards board is heartily ap-
proved by the stockmen. The health
commissioner states that il impossible to
estimate the delcterious effects upon the
people of Chicago caused by the sale of
numerous cancerous b, ewes. The effect
OF eating this meat" says DeWolf, is
septic fever, being to II degree blood
poisoning, very similar to fever from
other causes. Hence, the inability of
physicians to trace cancerous meet.
DeWolf says that no doubt number of
deaths have occurred from the con
sumption of this meat, sold without the
knowledge of the health department.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
Mothers Spinning Wheel.
Concerning One Article that was Not for
Sale, and Another which is Cheap
at Any Price

NO, sir, l wouldn't sell you that for any money
that spinning wheel wasmy mothers. 1t was one
day. when she was singing like lark. and max
ing the old wheel hum, that my father, then a
young medical student, afterwards farmer, fell
in love with her-some fifty years ago.
so spoke the proprietor of a rough bit of farm
land in Ulster county, N Y. to relic hunter and
mother spinning wheel remained among her
children and grandchildren
MY mOther,'' writes Rev j. Phelps pastor of
St Paul's NJ. f. Church, Chicago, hae nsed PAR
KER'S TONIC, and wishes me to say iaat she has
found it more effective than anything she ever
used for inyigorating and Strengthening the sys-
TEN debilitated by malaria. She desiref me also
especially to mention the certainty with which il
aids indigestion and oyercomes exhaustion.
Ever since the first household was established
mothers opinion mas been more potent in this
world shan that of judge, jurist or physician.
Her hand hay always cooled the fever and her
voice has baen flied with hope. With each day )
decline, Parkers Tonic is becoming more deseTv-
edly popular with the women who guard alike hus-
band and children. II eradicates malarial potion
from the blood from which there is no such wide
spread suffering.
Please observe: DR.. PARKER'S TONIC isRot
IN fntOricdRt. tt is a combination OF severnl ingre
dents, of which none singly can produce anything
like its effect. For Kidney, Stomach and Liver
troubles, it is the standard AMI unfailing remedy
In two sizes 50 cents and 81 The latter the
cheaper. Hiscox & Co, Chemists. New York.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
Late News.
TWO HUNDRED YEARS AGO.
The Settlement. of Germantown, Pa,
Celebrated.
The Inspection OF Live Stock in Chicago

ERIE, Pa, Oct 9.-The German resi-
dents of Erie celebrated yesterday the
bicentennial of the founding of German
town, Pa. Hon Gustav Garrcki and
Mayor Becker made addresses.
NEWARK, N. j., Oct. 9.--It is estimated
that there were twenty Thousand people
in the German celebration procession yes
terday. The city was handsomely deco
rated. The parade was reviewed by the
governor, mayor and other dignitaries.
DEs MONIES, Oct 9.-The Germans
celebrated the founding of Germantown
here last evening with fine tOrchlight
procession, and speeches in English and
German, at Turner hall,
PITTsBURG, Pa, Oct. 9.-The hicen
tennial of the landing of the first German
cOlonists upon American shores was cele
brated in fitting manner yesterday. The
weather was beautiful and everything
conspircd to make the celebration grand
success and the greatest event in the local
history of the German population of
Pittsburg and Allegheny The procession
which was at least fifteen miles long, with
25 900 persons and 1000 wagons in line
was indescribably picturesque. All trades
were represented, including the butchers,
bakers, tanners, glassmakers, iron and
steel workers and carpenters. while every
nation in the world had representatives in
costume, all forming grand moving
show, which kept 200, 900 spectators in
good humor for four hours.
PHILADELPHIA, Oct. 9.-The German
bicentennial parade yesterday was one CT
the largest of its kind ever witnessed in
the city, fully twenty thousand men and
five thousand vehicles being in line So
great was the crowd along Chestnut street
that the police were compelled to rope off
the sidewalk
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
FAREIGNLANnS.

LONDON, Oct. 9.-The Beflin CORES
pondent of the Times says: China hay
ing neglected the memorandum drawn up
by NJ Ferry, the French Prime Minister
relative to the settlement of the Tonquin
question following frontier line is now
being discussed: Beginning at the line
which is made by the arm of the Phu Nj
hinh Delta; it follows this arm in north
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
WHAT PHYSICIAN SAYS.
CYRUS RIDGE, MONROE Co. AR

CYRUS RIDGE, MONROE Co. ARK,
July %, 1888.
I have bright little daughter who will
be two years old next month. She has
been troubled nearly ever since her birth
with skin disease, which first diagnos
ell as chickenpox. but later found it to
lie some sort of eczema; at any rate il
resisted very stubbornly all the different
treatments. I procured one bottle of
Swift's Specific and gave it 10 her in small
doses three times day, and in short
while had the satisfaction to see that she
was entirely well. am so well pleased
with its effect on her that shall not only
use it in my practice, but | shall admins
ter it to my other children and take it
myself W. e. BRoNTE, M. ID.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
CASUALTiES

LOWELL, Mass, Oct. "a gravel loco,
motive on the Boston Il Lowell road was
run into by freight train yesterday. Tie
engineer and fireman jumped off without
shutting off the steam and the engine ran
alone TO this city. where the track ends,
and buried itself in cellar under the
express office at the station. causing much
damage. Mary Nutter was in the express
office and was killed.
SPRINGFIEfD, Mo-, Oct. "a party oil
railroad laborers were camped last night
near Nettleton, Ark, on the Kansas City
s Fort Scott road. About l o'clock a
dead tree fell upon tent containing
seven men, three CT whom were instantly
killed, and boy had an arm broken
The other occupants were not seriously
injured
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
FRANCE

PARIS, Oct 0 1t is.expected that Gen.
Sanssier, commasaant, of the Nineteenth
Army Corps, will succeed General Thi-
baudin as Minister of War.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
GREAT BRTTAIN.

LONDON, Oct POSTMASTER General
Fawcett announces that it is not intend
ed by the Government, after August. 1884
to renew the present contracts for the
conveyance of the mails between Great
Britain and the United States The mails
thereafter win be dispatched as now,
thrice weekly, from Queenstown, but
instead of making long contracts the de
partment will monthly select the most eff
ticient vessels for their transmission.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
aany wonder why the brute creatio

aany wonder why the. brute creation
excel mankind as a rule when it comes to
a question of health Investigation quick
ly ascertains the cause. 1t is because the
brute naturally obeys every law of health
while mankind is constantly degenerating
owing to excesses of our ancestors and
our own Individual imprudence. Sudden
exposure to extreme climate influences.
gluttony. improper food, alcoholic stimu-
lants, over exertion of mind and body,
worriment, anxiety, care, etc. all have a
marked effect on the human system. Be
cured by using Browns Iron Bitters. A
remarkable remedy for restoring health.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-10-09
QUESTION YOUR DRUGGIST,

and he will tell you, that there is great
er demand for SOZODONT than for any
other preparation for the teeth. Then
ask yourself whether an article for which
the demand is general and constantHnust
not possess genuine merit. The mental
response will be that it does. since the
conclusion is irresistible, that if it did not
really polish and preserve the teeth, a
discerning public would long since have
discovered the fact 1t advertises itself.