The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1883-09-13
LEBURGH SNYDER co, PENNA, SEPTEMBER 13, 1883.
SOLOMON AND HIS THOUSAND
WIVES.

WIVES.
THE BAD BOY aoEs INTO FIGURES
AND AsToNIsHEs THE
GROCERY MAN.
"Solomon is credited with being
tho wisest man, and yet history says
he had q thousand wives,' said the
bad boy to tho grocery man. "Jnst
think Of it. You have got one wife,
and pa las got one, and all the
neigbbors have one, il they have had
any kind OF luck. Does not ono wife
make you pay attention. Wouldn't
two wives break you upi Wouldn't
three cause you to see stars 7 How
would ten strike you 7 Why, man
alive, you do not grasp tue magni-
tude Of the statement that Solomon
had a thousand wives. A thousand
wives standing side by side, would
reach about four blocks. Marching
by fours it would take them 20minutes
to pass given point. The largest
summer resort hotel only holds
about five hundred people, 30 Sol
would have had to hire two hotels if
he took his wives out for day in
tho country. II you wonld stop an d
think once in a while you would
know more"
The grocery mau's eyes had be-
gun to stick out as the bad boy con-
tinued, as though tho statistics had
never been brought to his attention
before. but he was bound to stand
by bis old friend Solomon, and he
said, "Well, Solomon's wives must
have been different from our wives Of
the present day
"Not much said the boy, as he
seen he was paralyzing the grocery
man. "Women have been about the
same ever since Eve. And it stands
TO reason that Solomon's wives we're
no better than the mother OF the
human race. Statistics show that
one woman out Of every ten is read
headed. That would give Solomon
an even hundred red headed wives
Just that hundred red headed wives
would be enough to make an ordina-
~ man think that there was land
that is fairer than this. Then there
would be, out Of tho other nine hun.
dred about three hundred blondes
and the other six hundred would be
brunettes, and maybe he had few
albinos, and bearded women, and fat
women, and dwarfs Now, those
thousand women had appetites, de-
sires for dress and style, the Same as
all women. Imagine Solomon say
ing to them, Girls, let's all 90 down
to the ice cream saloon and have q
dish Of ice cream Can you. with
your brain muddled with Goldfish and
new potatoes, realize the scene that
would follow Suppose, after Sol
onions broom brigade had got seat
ed in tho ice creamery, one of the
red headed wives should catch Solo
mon wiuking at strange girl at an
other table. You may think Solo.
mon did not know enough TO wink,
or that he was not that kind of hirt,
but be must have been or he could
never have succeeded in marrying a
thousand wivos, in a sparsely settled
country. No, sir, it looks to me as
though Solomon in all his glory was
an old masher, ond what have seen
OF men being bossed around with
one wife, don't envy Solomon his
thousand. Why. just imagine that
gang of wives going and ordering
fall bonnets. Solomon would have
to be king.or Vanderbilt to stand
it. Ma wears five dollar silk stock
ings, and pa kicks awfully when the
bill comes in. Imagine Solomon
putting up q few thousand pair of
silk stockings. How would you like
to have q thousand red headed wives
come toto the store this minute and
tell you they wanted you to send
carriages around to the house at 3
o'clock so they could go for drive 7
Or how would you like to have hir-
ed girl come rushing in and tell you
to send up six hundred doctors, be-
cause six hundred of your wives had
been taken with cholera morbus +?
Or"
20, don't mention it," said the
grocery man, with a shudder, -
wouldn't take Solomon's place. aud
be the natural protector Of thou
sand wives il anybody would give