The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-02-21
Wednesday, Feb. 81, 1888.
COMIC COMMENTS.

Progress Arthur to Raoul-'' Well
did you kill many partridges 2" "Not one;
bnt still am very well satisfied with myself
Il came much nearer than last year,
Fu6pcb Fun
Promptly answered: The following
advertisement appeared in a daily newspa-
per recently and was answered by about 500
young men: Wanted Experienced hands
ON ladies' waists y Aaoa.
Not Alarming Yes" said Brown,
poor Johnsbury is sinking fast His
mind is fast leaving him. Nothing very
alarming, is it, remarked Fogg, " that
man should free his mind ?"-Boston Tran
script
Definition What does sin memoir
lam mean, pa ?" asked Billy "Oh,n said
pa, behind his newspaper, " it's nothing.
It's something you write on the tombstone
of man you are going to forget in week
-Barlington Haeehsye.
Vice versa: You foolish boy said a
mother upon discovering some india-ink
pictures on her sons arm, don't you know
that they win remain there MS long as you
liz, p And will live as long as they re-
main there ~ asked the boy B0ston
Transcript.
An easy job; Robinson (after long
whist bout at the club" 1t is awfully late,
Brown. What will you say TO your wife 2"
Brown Gin a Whisper" Oh, shan't say
much, you know. Good morning, DEAR
or something of that sort. She'll say the
rest."-Quiz
Where ignorance is bliss No. said
she TO the waiter, ''no, / do not care for
soup but you may bring me some of that !"
and she pointed to Consomme Brunoise
on the bin of fare Where ignorance is
bliss it is the hight of absnetlity to be intel
Iigent. Hotel Mai.
Sporting item: What are you doing
with thai gun ?" asked man who saw an
Irish boy in the suburbs of Anstin. 90 am
hunting doves" How many have yon
Killed. Not any, bejabbers want TO
kill three or four al one shot, and can nyer
get more than one nv Item togither ~ Tee
as isiJfings.
"A man of knowledge ~ syow u ex-
claimed bucolc voter nj tho caucus. i" it
beats all what Squire Wirepuller knows
Durn if he didn't tell me fust minute como
into the hall Jest who wanted 10 vote for,
and didn't know myself, nutler, md my
mind amt more'n half made up yet Bes.
ton Transcript.
A punctual darkey: A eolored porter
in an Austin store asked Che proprietor for
days leave of absence. What's up
nows" OARS niggah gwine ter sit mar.
ried and ought ter be present ter see him
fru." WHO is this colored man at whose
wedding you have to be present?o "rse de
aiggah, boss. ~ Teas sitfiags.
-Urginality: Brown is ne#a act
hypercriteal. He went to hear II noted Ice.
turer the other evening, and he was heard 10
say next morning: They all told me Mr..
Verbose was m Original speaker It's all
bosh all bosh, sir lie didn't utter a sin.
gle word the entire evening but was in my
dictionary at home, and l have had that
book two years at tho shortest.n- Boston
TRANSCRIPT.
"A good for nothing: Il was Mixes
third appearance in court within thirty days,
and in reply to his usual appeal for cemen-
ey the Magistrate impatiently observed
cts no use, Mike; you're good for moth
ing" "Its not me shtyle 10 be braggin',n
retoried Mike, hut il yer honneur will
bony pair of shillelahs an slip outside wild
me I'll make it inconyanient for yo to how'd
that opinion, y Brooklyn Eag's.
--Woman's influence: "Do believe in
woman's influence 2" said a man on Twenty
second street last Friday. "Well, you see
that young fellow truudling baby carriage
along the street with look of angelic resig-
nation on his face an inch and half Thick
/ knew that fellow when he would swell
around town as big as a circus advance
agent and order beer for the crowd. He
doesn't do it any more. y Brooklyn argus.
--Anecdote of Raft There is IN anec-
dote told of Joachim RaiT, whose death has
recently left blank the musical world,
When Meyerbeer died, Raf was living in
Paris and wrote the funeral march which
was played at Plassy before Rossini.
"Wel" asked Raj, "what do yon think of
its" mon cher" replied the caustic macs
tro, 81 think that it would have been better
II it had been your funeral and Meyerbeer's
composition. ~ Detroit Free Press.
lie. nature have It's course: "You say
that you were preseut when my son was
killed." said an Arkansaw gentleman 10 q
man who had Just arrived from Colorado,
Eyes, sir, was present. .Hew did the
rght occur?" Swell, you see, your son and
fellow got Into dispute and the fellow
struck your son with quart bottle Of whis.
Ky, fraeturlpg his skull and killing him in.
staatly." ''Struck linn with bottle Of
whisky Wei, since sAe poor hey Aad 10
die, I'm glad that he died q natural death.e