The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1883-03-21
WIT AND HUnIOR.

There is said to be fire company in
New YOrk.go lhigh.tOned that they use
none but embroidered hose.
8 When. an obituary notice ends, "NO
further seek his frailties to disclose Y it
means, !" Whisky killed him."
Utah has marble enough to supply
every person In America with a tomb
stone and cheerfully observes that all
she wants is a market for it.
Since an Intelligent jury indicted a
man who shot his wife by mistake for a
stray cat, q great many Connecticut
husbands have lost all confidence in the
jury system.
i Yes," said DR., Pillington. innocenty;
II shall retire from the profession now,
l have got enough, and am willing to
give somebody else chance. My motto
Is, Live and let live.' s .
The German papers report the case of
a woman who had the muscle of a-dOg
successfully grated on her foot. When
ever she sees cat she chaSes it to
the top OfR fence and stands below and
barks. - .
"Oh, Henryl / had such delightful
dream. dreamt / had such a love Of a
bonnet sent me. "Did you, my dear ?
Isn't 1t singular that had nightmare
and dreamed had to pay the billr" .
They are Dragging OF Pennsylvania
man who stole 5000 bushels of coal be-
fore helwas discovered. That's nothing
a Michigan man stole g 900 sawlogs and
had his brother sent To prison as the
thief. ---l----.---.-- ----..--. l- .
Old Mrs. B. came to town last week
from Indiana on an excursion and when
she was asked why she was in such a
hurry to leave, she replied: I've got to;
20 see as how | came in on an exertiOn
train, andmy ticket perspires tonight"
Mrs. Bogg visited secondhand auc-
t1on the other day and bought a job lot
OF kitchen furnishing goods. FOgg says
every article in the list has q hole In it.
exceptingthe pepper-bOx cover and that
everything leaks but the cOIander and
milk k-strainer.
why do they cry 30 much, pa?" asked
the Austin editors little boy at the
theater, referring to the actors on the
stage. Because they see 30 many dead
heads in the audience" replied the edi.
tor, scOwling at the rival editor in the
next row.
when any man." says the George
town. Col, Courier, whether from the
New England states or Texas, comes
into the country with two old steers and
branding iron, and in. six years owns
one OF the largest herds In the territory,
we honestly think there is something
wrong" wv
80 your business Is picking up, ehP"
said facetiOus cObbler to a rag picker,
" no had Just commenced operations on
an ash barrel in front Of his shop door.
''Yes, and / see yours is mendingp
quicklyTeplied the ragged urehin, glanc-
ing at the dilapidated boot in the cob
bler's hand.
II iron foundries, instead of shutting
mp in times of depression, would turn
their attention to making cast. iron toys
for children, they would soon have all
the spare cash in the country. What
parents are mourning for since Christ
mas are toys that won't break when you
wink at them. -..
Isn't 1t about time for the local au.
thofities to sell the mule used to draw
the town hearse and buy hOTspp' asks
the editor of Tennessee paper. Twice
lately he has baked and detained pro-
cessiOns on bitter colo. days for over an
hour. and only last week he kicked in
the front of the vehicle and seriously
damaged the corpse. II the authorities
don't take proper action citizens meet