The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-06-20
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Wednesday, June 90, 1888.
COMIC COMMENTS.

Inversion: Dr.--lS PHI. D., ana
there are folks who call hirl d. PHI
LoaoeH Courier
Something new in pocket books: The
electric incandescent pocket-book is the
latest. 1t is always light Tile Drummer.
"A famous bundle of bones Our opin.
ion of Alexander H. Stephens is that he has
six-line display head on three-line solid
nonpareil body.-.Kansas city Journal.
Plantation philosophy Remember,
young man," said Uncle Nose, g dat de best
frien' yer's got on dis earth is better frien'
ter himself den he is ter you" -1rkansaao
Irdueler.
All things grow old: Marquis de
Calinaux, is the bibelot you have sent me
ancient? ?" "No countess, but the dealer
assured me that it would become ol"-
French Fun.
"A little fairy: Overheard in the cloak
room-"Did she marry well 2" eyes, in
deed. He's worth million ana drinks so
hard that he can never go into society; SO
she's not bothered with him. Anon.
"A great heart 81 have no wealth"
,he said "I can give you only my hand
and heart" And then he thought that if
her heart was as big as her hand she was in
deed wealthy Providence Journal
Too much of good thing Lightning
recently struck a telegraph pole and ran
along into the office Mt Gainesville, Ind,
when the operator seated at the instrument
excitedly telegraphed back: "Don't send
SO fast Springfield Republican.
"A personal note A Sussex paper is
responsible for the following perturbing an
nouncement: "Prince Bismarck has been
suffering from neuralgia in the head, and
his cheek is assuming alarming proper
Cons i"-Fanng Folks.
Passionate love: "I tell yog," ex.
claimed Brown, "that Charley is wholly an-
selfish in his affection; he loves the very
ground that she walks on" Yes" replied
Fogg, "when she is walking on her fathers
estate "-Boston Transcript.
How to improve our navy: There are
twenty Greeks in Chicago, hence when they
rotary of the Navy should buy up those tugs
of war without delay and then we would
have q navy.-T'eras Siftings.
Quite too close " Jane" said father,
al thought you hated stingy people, and
yet your young man" why pa, who
said he was stingy?" ooh, nobody" re-
Piled pa only could see he was little
close as passed through the room. Hart
ford Times
Not Helen of Troy: Does your Hell
en- remind you of Helen of Troy 2" she asked
sweetly, as the sofa springs hattened under
a pressure Of 100 pounds. No, not pre-
cisely you remind me more of Helen of
Ayoirduprois" was the scaly reply.-koais
UilIe Sunday Argus
Engaged to the other fellow: Have
congratulated Edith upon her engagement
to Jim Tucker :" said the young man. "No,
sir-ee / met her yesterday afternoon and
didn't say word about it, Hang it, don't
think she is the one to be congratulated. ~
LcsoeB Citizen
"A small Scotch joke Scene-Buchan-
an street, $40 p. NJ; newsboy running
along shouting: "Ceetiz, third edeesh.n
Country visitor, thinking that something
unusual has taken place" What's wrang,
hddie 2' Newsboy, SHARPLY man fell
over match box - Glasgow Bailic.
Sentiment receives setback Mrs.
Marrowfat had just finished reading an &C.
count of Michigan girl who had dropped
dead upon receiving an offer of marriage
from young n.a---, when Mitiades quietly
asked: "Mother, don't you suppose he
knew it would kill her ?"-- Brooklyn Eagle.
Ready with remedy; Some men are
ever ready to offer remedy for everything.
The other day we remarked to ono of these
animated apotheeary chops "An idea
struck us yesterday and before we could
finish he advised u.s. Grub the affected
parts with arnica p" HartteeH (Ga) Sun.
Allen Fielder an industrious old darkey,
residing on the Houston and l,oc!y line, and
whom his colored friends call "coionel.'
We asked him if he voted at the Wednes
days election. He replied emphatically
"No, sir. l amt voted in eight years an
didn't see no fun in ii and | amt voted
since. Use got no edycasaun an | 9unnc
who to vote for. l might vote for man
for Sheriff ter-aay and ter-morrow he'd come
an rest me. dunno nothin' bout votin
an Use gwyne ter stay at home aud work. y
Dooy (Ga.) Findjeator,
Why he kept his temper; The othe,
day smal-sizcd eolored man was roundy
abusing brother of color on Antoine street
large enough 70 eat him up. After the
abuse had continued for long time without
results n white man said to the party of the
second part "Why don't you pick him up
and mop the street with his legs?" 81
could do it, boss "Then why don't You y
"Waal, / was considerin'. Ii we have a
bout l shall probably be frosted. If I'm
rested my name will be in de papers. If
git in de papers de man up on Calhoun
street who owns de house dat | moved Out
of in de night will know whar to find me an
gently elucidate de information dat he wants
de fo' moths back rent Detroit Free
Press
AN ORANGE GROVE.