The Brookhaven leader., 1883-06-28
Sussiety's Victim.

Life, the New York comic paper, has
In a recent number a satire on the nau-
seating manner of society reporting for
the daily papers, which will be easily
recognized by many people as but little
exaggerated from what they see in the
columns of certain class of daily news
papers, The sketch is worthy OF re-
printing in Vanity Fair:
J. Growler, managing editor, to city
edito~: "Say, Smith, what asinine idiot
did You send over to Jenkins last night
to do up that private masquerade"
LET me see. Why, the new man,
DeCourcy, believe"
"Send the monumental ass to my
room when he comes in; want to see
him.
Half an hour later DeCourcy arrives
from reporting dog-fght out in the
country (thc sporting editor having gone
to slugging match), and with fear and
trembling approaches the inner sanctum.
"See here, Mr.. DeCorsets! Iwant to
know what you mean by sending in
copy of this kind?''
The "new man" mildly corrected
the pronunciation of his cognomen, and
asked what was the matter with his
work.
whats the matter? why, Hades and
Demnition! Read it, man, read it. l
never saw anything so horribly unfin-
ished in all my life, Mr.. De Snorky.
Never, sir, never"
The embryo jenkins read it carefully
and handed it back, saying: 'Well,
Mr.. Growler, the article seems to be
all right, 1t reads pretty well, fatter
myself"
"Pup-pup-pup-pretty well, nonsense.
Listen to this rot now:
and the spacious parlors were adorned
with natural flowers. Now, Mr..
Recherche, that is nice language for a
journal of the Ralsominer's standing to
print now, isn't it? You are fine ad-
jective singer, you are. Why, you be-
muddled snoozer you, my little boy ten
years of age would know enough to say:
And the gorgeous suite of Orientally-
draped parlors. whose walls were one
solid mass of dazzling plate-glass mir
rors, from marble wainscoting to fres-
coed ceiling, were festooned from cor
nice to peristyle and from bracket to
architrave (these terms never mean any
thing special, but they are stock ex-
pressions, and should always be rung
in somewhere), with the rarest exotics
('exotics,' man, 'exotics! always 'ex-
Oticsr), gathered at a fabulous expense
from the four corners of the earth,
and arranged in the most skillful and
attractive manner known to the florists
art"
"Now, don't you see how very con-
sumptive flowers sound, when COM
pared with the rich, rolling 'ex-
ot-icsp'n
DeCourcy faltered forth shaky af-
firmative.
ITO resume, what do you say after
flowers? s?'-'Dancing was INDUCED in
until three am Oh! my stricken soul.
Not single reference to the subtle per-
fume. Where did you serve your ap-
premiership? Don't you know, my
dear Mr.. DeCustard, that society re-
port without the subtle perfume in it
is like the play of Hamlet with Ham
let left out? | might have overlooked
the use of the word flowers in lieu of
'exotics, but the absence of tie subtle
perfume'-never. You should have
gone on, after flowers (for 'exotics'), },
in this wise: whose subtle perfume
quickened the ravished senses of the gay
masquers (always remember to spell it
with O, who now abandoned them
selves to terpsichorean revelry-as the
dreamy, sensuous waltz, the dashing
polka and the alluring galop was dis
coursed in heavenly strains by a superb
orchestra-until the wee sma' hours
(wee sma' hours is bulls eye on the
gentle reader, every time) arrived, and
the leaden morning rays gave the hith-
erto dazzling gaslights in the crystal
chandeliers dull and bistre appear
ance.' 'Bistre' is the correct Kibosh,
my son, and rounds off the article with
an appropriate contrast.
Now, Mr.. DeGoosey, in view OF
these lucid instructions, do you think
you will be equal to the choice exotic,
subtle perfume, sensuous waltz and
bistre racket in the future?"
DeCourcey thought it over and made
up his mind that he would be gigantic
failure on "exotics," a ''subtle per-
fumist'' or a delineator of "bistre'-
some effects, and sadly rendered his
resignation as society reporter on the
paper.