News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-01-04
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
CLIPPED FROM THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS THIS WEEK.
On Pottery-PayinE Beta Chapter on
Tacks-Fables, etc.
THOUGHTS ABOUT POTTERY.


Therefore, the clay is the pot, but the
man who makes it is the potter. Ergo,
protest. Refined and scholarly joke.
This style SIX for dollar. For two dol
lars an explanation of this superlative joke
and the H01rkCyc for one year will be
sent to any part of the United States or
Canada. Put that i'll your clear Havana
cigar and smoke it.
Pottery is the Oldest industry in the
world Adam was made of clay. But
he acted as though he was only half
baked. His son Cain built the first kiln
in the country.
The potter works in the mud, hence we
admire his work. His life is one long act
of mudder, but he is never hanged for it,
though sometimes he is broken at the
wheel.
All his work, however good, goes to the
fire. What he bakes you cannot eat, al
though you eat what the other baker sets
on it.
The potter is an aristocrat by nature
and always belongs to a set To several
| sets, Ill ldCI.
He is independent and urns his own
living
He is base ball star, and makes a bet
ter pitcher than the cold Nolan"
He is no deacon, but he passes the plate
regularly. A rigid temperance man, he
is fond of his bowl. And he always
makes it go round, too.
There never was but one blind potter,
and he did not stay blind long, for he
made cup and saw, sir.
He is always hopeful, for it is in his
nature to look cup.
He is a generous fellow, and what is his
| is ewers.
He believes in human equality, and
thinks the law should make claymen the
equals of the clergy.
"Who breaks, pays, must have been
originated by the potter. Although in
these perilous times, it is more likely to
read, ''who pays, breaks"
A pottery is the place where they make
pots, but not Jack pots, by long chalk.
| The potters make all things of clay, but
this does not make clazay of them, by
any means.
This thing may seem to he running in
| to the ground. That's where it has to
go, to get the raw material.
DENVER TRIBUNE FABLES.
A CHILD Awakening from its Sleep in
the Dead of Night, cried out to his Nam
ma in alright: ooh, mamma" said the
Child, 81 saw Big Kitty at the Win
dow" ''Be calm, my Dear, " replied the
Mother. II have been Married too Long
to be Worried at anything Short of
Snakes in your Papa's Boots.
A Doc and his Tail fell into a Dispute
as to which should Wag the Other. An
itinerant Wasp passing that Way casually
Remarked: Speaking of Tails reminds
me that [ Possess one which May posi-
bly, be Influential enough to Wag you
Both. " This fable Teaches that ten
cents worth Of Dynamite is a bigger man
than a Church Stceple.
A CHILD who had a Mild type of the
Measles invited a number of her Ac-
quaintances to a Party. Producing from
the Pantry Bowl of Sweetmeats, she
said: Behold now an Act OF Generosity.
I will Take the Sweetmeats, and You,
Unless you Immediately Take your De |
partIue, will Take the Measles" This !
fable illustrates the righteousness of |
childhood.
AN Angle-worm was once Observed by |
Catfish wriggling about in a Pond |
Poor Thing, said the Catfish; Ny |
heart Blecds for YOU. For fear you Will be |
Drowned, I VIII Take you in Out of the
Wetr' To which the Angle-worm re-
piled: 81 ara Grateful for your Sympathy, |
but if you Take me in it VIII be your
ellis that will Bleed for me-. NIisin-
terpreting this remark for Humor, the |
Catfish swallowed the Angle-worm, and |
Learned too Late that the Angle-worm |
had previously swallowed Limerick
hook. By this fable we are taught that
it is Best to Inquire into Contract be-
fore Undertaking it.
A SYMPATHETIC Pawnbroker once called |
upon an Afflicted Clothing merchant to
Condole with him upon the Loss of His !
Wife. ooh, Moses" quoth he, ''You
were 50 Wild with Grief when ] saw you
Sitting by the Coffin yesterday that [
could not Bear the Sight, but Crept
away Weeping" ''Were you Not by the
Grave?" inquired Moses, removing the
Handkerchief from his Eyes. "No," re
piled Abraham, 81 was Not by the
Grave-I was too much Broken up with
Seeing you by the Coffin. ooh, :" ex-
claimed Moses, you Should have Been
by the Gravel just raised cain by the
Grave p The fable Teaches that the
Depth of Human Sorrow is Boundless.
A CHAPTER ON TACKs.
A tack is simple, unpretending sort
of a young nail, noted for its keen repair
tee when pressed for a reply, and pos
sessing the peculiar power, when stand.
ing on its head, of causing the cold
shivers to run down the back of man
in mere anticipation of what might be
lacks are i'll season all the year round,
but the early spring is usually the time
selected by them for & grand combined
effort, and then they flourish everywhere
for at least a month Since the inaugu-
ration of the time-honored ceremonie
OF house-cleaning, every thorough
housekeeper, with long experience in
the line OF duty, SO takes up the carpet
as to retain all the tacks in their original
places, thus preventing it slipping from
the shakers hands, unless the tack
breaks or his fingers give out Bat the
triumph of the tack is not complete at
this early stage it patiently abidcs its
time, and on the relaying of the carpet
issues forth with double force. After
searching the entire house for paper of
tacks, without success, the unfortunate
man drops on his hands and knees to
begin, and Immediately discovers four
lacks at least, aud as he rolls over and
sits down to extract these, finds the rest
OF the paper directly under him, and
then unless he is man accustomed to
put up stoves and Join stove-pipe the
chances of laying the carpet on that
evening are slight. In selecting tacks
from saucer he always inspccts the
points with his fore-tiuger, as the tack
instantly loses its head when they come
to blows. In arpumcnt tho ta.Iy i. .L,,,,