The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-07-07
Paragraph Fiend.

The Order of Cinclnnatl-LWel lager
Flower of the sea--The shad roes.
A social ga,hering-Taking up the col
lection.
Something Of a wag-The up Of dog
tail.
The best thing in priIt-A pretty CIR. in
o calico dress.
A shorter man than Tom Thumb-Th'
man wlthou, penny.
The man who always puts his best FOO
torward-The one.legged man.
Tight pants and tight dresses have both
gone out of style, but it seems as II tigh
men never will.
In one respect the bootblack resemble:
the sun--He can't shine when It rains.
Society item Mrs. Otto Karl Schu,zcn-
hlmmel gave small German las, evening
to her husband.
While her mother was taking fly out
Of the butter, little Daisy asked as that a
butterfly, mama'" #....
Some men have fame thrust upon them
Bright's disease will keep the name OF
that great Englishman green
The child who is honest may get to
heaven, but on earth it is the little boy
who goes into the pantry that takes the
cake.
Prof Huxley says that single adult
oyster contains 100000 Of progeny"
Strangely enough he gives no figures IN
regard to the married ones.
An Oshkosh maiden has profile of her
recreant lover cut out of gingerbread hang
ing on the wall Of her bedroom. She con.
eiders it just too sweet for anything.
Let US meier forget while stumbling
Through this weary world Of toll,
There's a proper place for everything,
Except blooming boil.
A bachelor compares SHIRT button to
life, because II too often hangs by thread.
A man who with bare feet stepped on
pile OF carpet nails said they reminded
him Of the income tax.
Heaven lies about US IN our infancy"
says the poet Yes. and our neishbors lie
about us when we grow up,
Ten billions OF hairpins are nanufac-
tured in this country annually, and yet
they are not sufficient to prevent hair
getting into the butter now and then
Nine out of ten groups Of young ladies
one overhears talking in the street or else
where will be found TO use the pronoun
he, his or him, just 200 times oftener than
any other word.
Mr.. Timothy Hay has been very sue
cessiul 10 his business this season. He
Will roll in clover the balance Of the year,
Propelling lawn mower an hour before
breakfast is splendid exereise--for the
lITed man.
"Will gin sling do man any good? ~
asks correspondent. Yes, II he sings
the GIN far enough. Chicago Herald.
. A boy without hands has been arrested
II Altoona for robbery, Being minus
hands, he seems to have put his foot IN
IT." The time will not hang heavy on his
hands while in Jail, anyhow.
The man who wrote little pamphlet
entitled, How TO Get On IN the World,
was put off a street car the other Gay be
cause he hadn't enough money TO pay his
fare.
II you desire to ridicule the figure OF q
companion in the most approved style, tell
him lie Is as hollow chested as box Of
strawberries.
1t is strange, yet true, that no matter
how much you batter at knot, when you
batter it out you always leave the kno
hole.
Joseph Cook calls himself "the product
Of twenty-five years of education, includ
ing foreign travel See what dangers
The uneducated escape,
7 Wasg, the Welsh paper Of Pittsburg
has suspended lis failure is owing +
wchtfrddmawaswych estesddywettmsq
chdiIryn. Just as we eXpec,ed.-Noris
teen Herald,
Kate Field is reported as having dc
clined many brilliant matches. She acte(
wisely, for when "a match becomes bril-
liant It's utility Is well nigh ended.--N J
G,dphic
Astronomers are coming to believe tha
the center OF our sidereal system Is some.
where in the milky way. If this is true
II is another big boom for the jersey COW
married my wife for her beauty;
She married rue for my-wit
That rot the best OF the bargain
I'm candid enough to admit.
Wit often subsidies into drivel,
That beauty soon fades" Is Nil bosh;
My wife is to-day at the washtub,
SO I'm certain that beauty will wash.
Indiana PROPOSES 10 respond handsoml.
to the call for money Tor Bar,holdis sta
re Of Liberty. 1t VIII be remembered tina
many freemen in Indiana charged only s