The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-07-28
The Spoopendykes' Lunch.

The Spoopendykes' Lunch.
.Now. my dear" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, rubbing his hands gleefully and
contemplating his wife from the oppo-
site seat of the railway car with pleas
ant smile. Now, my dear, suppose
we take look at the lunch of which we
have had such remarkable accounts
If there is anything nice when man is
travelling, it Is home made lunch.
Develop the viands and let joy be I'M
confined!' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
laughed out right in anticipation of the
gustatory delights in store for him.
s'All right giggled Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, opening the basket with trembling
hands. snow you hold that, and don't
you open anything until get it all out, !"
and Mrs. Spoopendyke handed him a
long roll of something done up in a
coarse brown paper
.'How much more of this is there to
get out?" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke,
smiling at the paper and detecting
Bologna sausage, a thing he detested.
"What is this, anyway, club to keep
the rest of the lunch in orderp Is this
thing the police force of this lunchp
Fetch forth the law-abiding elements,
If you've got any! Never mind the ex-
ecutive of this feast, produce the labor
ing faction, the tax-paying end of the
businessr
Here's some cheese" murmured
Mrs. Spoopendyke, land pie and
some smoked beef and some herring
and"
ssuayan't xo ,ro+ ea,,a so1t eo,ra
wherep" Kissed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
plantin., the bologna on end in the cen
ter of the pie. "How'm l to quench
my thirst after eating ell this truck I'M
less have saltp Where's the mustard
that goes with these mercicspn and
Mr.. Spoopendyke dove into the pack
age of beef and scattered the contents
over his wife's lap. Ill bet the bologna
can whip the cheese in four rounds!"
he yelled, hauling the offending sausage
out of the pie and jabbing it through
the cheese. Murray! Now, we'll
sponge him off with the herring for the
next roundn' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
seized fish by the tail and slammed it
into the basket.
"Don'tr' pleaded Mrs. Spoopendyke,
iOOhih9 hVipiSoSiy oh. linc tuOoo
things, if you DON'T
Cant We let the lunch have little!"
squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke, hammering
at tho cheese with the sausage. "Of
course, you like these things! They're
right in your line! All you want is
strike and a step-ladder to be a salt
mine! Where's my lunchp Bring on
the delicacies calculated to supply the
waste tissue of Spoopendyker' and the
worthy gentleman drove the sausage
clear through the pie and impaled the
herring on the other end.
Here's Charlotte and a. COM
menced Mrs. Spoopendyke.
''Hand me the blushing Charlotte!"
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had
fixed his mind on cold chicken and saw
no realization of his anticipations.
"Show me the Charlotte just budding
into womanhood, and she shall have the
pie! Give me--hey! What's thatp''
/" This is can Of beans!' exclaimed
Mrs. Spoopendyke, Frightening little.
You know you always liked beans.
"Let's have 'em!" growledMr. Spoop-
endyke, reaching for them. "What
have you got to open 'em withP'
I'm afraid left the can-opener at
home whispered Mrs. Spoopendyke,
rumaging through the basket.
GLOW dye propose to open 'em
then?" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, set
ting his teeth and breathing hard
"Show me the spring that busts this
cover off! Guide me to the combina-
ton of this stem-winding can of beansl
Maybe thisll do itr' and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke again grabbed the sausage and
went for the can. ''How'm l getting
on!'' he yelled, as the bologna flew in
all directions. think you begin to
smell those beans any more plainly
than you didP Wa-h-h!'' he shrieked,
as a huge chunk of the pork broke of
short and landed in his ear. 'rhis hog
don't know who he's fooling with! Let
me introduce you to Spoopendyke!"
and he ground the sausage flat against
the can and dropped the debris on the
floor.
Il don't know what we're going to
dor' murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke in
great distress.
..Now watch the triumph of mind
over beam" howled Mr. Spoopendyke,
opening the window and placing the
can on the sill. 1.-The reward of gen.
ius!' he roared, as he brought the win
dow down on the can.
Mrs. Spoopendyke lodged just in
time, and her unfortunate spouse caught
the bean part of the feast fairly in
front. and was covered from his eye
brows to his ankles.
.That what We wantedp" he gasped,
as the full extent of the calamity
dawned on him. 1That what We been
trying to get me to do? bod CAST the
measly beans!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
made for the smoking-car, and was
seen no more till dark.
II don't care" soliloquized Mrs.
Spoopendyke, assuring herself that the
Charlotte had not been injured. HE
might have waited a moment and he
would have had some cold chicken.
But, of course, if he has made lunch
on beans. he won't care for anything
else.' And with this consolatory re-
Election Mrs. Spoopendyke ate the
and Charlotte in alternate
bites, and composed herself for COM
Portable nap.-Drake's Travellers Mag
Gxi7ae.
The editor Of village newspaper
near the city wrote of young gentle
man who sung in the choir, that he
uyac q rrono tho hast of thar. a -, +o,,~