Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1883-06-06
THIRTEEN TIMES Welded.

THIRTEEN TIMES Welded.
81 have peculiar history in the matri-
monial line, having proposed TO and mar
ried thirteen young ladies during my life, y
said an old Baltimorean to a Philadelp hia
Item reporter recently. "Well, if you
will not mention my name l will tell you
all about it." The promise being given,
the old gentleman proceeded: My last
birthday, which occurred on the 5th of this
month, found me 10 years old, and in those
nearly four score years | have proposed to
thirteen young ladies and was promptly
and cordially accepted each and every time,
sir. Was never rejected. never, sir, in my
wholelife. They invariably blushed, smiled,
fell into my outstretched arms and muir.
INJURED yes, as soon as l asked them. My
first wife, charming brunette, died one
year after marriage. REMAINED single two
years, and then again sought the friendly
aid of . minister of the gospel with another
blushing beautiful young lady on my right
arm, hope in my heart and a greenback in
my hand. Death carried off this prize
within three brief months of the day fondly
pressed upon her eager, willing lips the
ecstatic marriage kiss. Shielded from typhoid
fever. The third wife assumed the off cial do
nestle robe within seven months thereafter.
'Itwas rather quick that time, exclaimed the
old gentleman, while tear shonein his worn,
dimmed eyes "but she was sweet,
sweet girl. 1t was, however," more cheer
full, IAN exception to my general rule.
That is, explanatory, L mean by that
hasty marriage then, not that particular
wife, for they were all sweet and good /;
every one, cir Seven years she shared
my joys and sorrows, and then the touch
of the great destroyer rested upon her,
and she was no more within the walls of
this world. A bad cold, or what some
people elegantly and concisely term gal
Looping consumption, killed her. After a
brief interval of mourning, l attentively
regarded with interested heart still another
fascinating young lady. She could not re.
sist my honorable and energetic manly
Establishments, and at an early period after
our introduction at a Sabbath-school pic
nic, during one balmy summer day, she
carefully packed her huge Saratoga trunk
for a bridal trip, which duly came of
at the advertised time. l got money
by her, as well as a lovely young lady, "
proudly said the old gentleman. t' She
was worth S25, 900 in her own name. But
lost il all within a year of our marriage,
specializing in them devilish stocks" he
sadly and refectively continued. This
wife lived nine years after the marriage.
Then one day she suddenly and unexpect-
edly died at the dinner table. 1 began to
think my marrying days were certainly
over" meditatively remarked the old gen.
tleman. 81 was never so surprised in my
Hl,k Aa, 81 ~ r,a
SO suddenly died-that particular one, sir,
keeper and lawful social partner in this es.
pecial life drama was a lady mere noted for
the spirit of disposition than for the beau
ty of her face or the elegance OF her form.
l will frankly confess TO you, sir, that she
was as ugly as a Maryland mule, and l am
sorry to say it, because it once caused me a
heap of trouble, almost as perverse, admit
ted the old gentleman. "Why, sir, would
you believe it. abe got the war fever dur
ing the early days of the war ? She came
from Georgia to Baltimore, and met and
married her there. Got it SO bad that,
against my commands, sir, she left my house
and went and became a spy for Gen. Lee.
| She was red-hot, sir; born and raised far
down South. Loved her particular coun'
try too well, sir. But, as you know, it is
| born and bred in all Southern women.
I didn't get divorce, because l knew if ]
did, and she ever lived to get back to Bal
| timore, / would have to move out to the
far West Immediately upon her arrival.
She died, sir, from exposure during the
| Pennsylvania campaign of General Lee.
| There, sir, is an autograph letter from the
old General himself, commencing her deyo.
| ton and bravery to the Southern cause.
| / am proud of that wife, even If she was
| ugly and stubborn. Indeed / am, cir y
| The succeeding wives, like the acts of g
two-and-a-half hour society play, according
| to the old gentleman, followed each Other
and disappeared on the stage of domestic
happiness in rapid succession. None Of
them lived long after they had uttered al
| the altar the most important and significant
words of all their life verbal remarks. 6 ]
! began" exclaimed the old man, at this
time of my life to consider myself mighty
| unlucky. No sooner would | have we'd
| ding than it would kind of creep into my
heart, much against my will, yes, indeed,
] sir, much against my will, that l would
have to begin preparations for a funeral
1t seemed awful hard, awful hard
Bride in my house one month
corpse in my house the next month.
This sad state of affairs appears tc
have constantly and persistently continued
-ntil the thirteenth blushing bride of thi
moral hero was transferred from this val
of activity to the great future. "When
married number thirteen, or, rather
should say my 18th wife, quietly and firml.
remarked the old gentleman, I" l said t
myself, John, this is the last time you vii
ever stand in this kind Of company at thi
kind Of an altar. 1 made up my mind de
cidedly at that time, sir. You see, hst
lost SO many wives in quick succession tina
/ began to get afraid OF myself. And then
to tell you the truth, sir, l am great homr
body, as you may now imagine don
travel much, never did and the singl
girls around my neighborhood began to be
come afraid of me, too; actually began t
shun me, SIR hardly think l could hav
got another wife if / had tried. Rather
hard thing for me, man who had been 8
lucky this way, to say but promised yol
if you would positively not put my nam
in your newspaper, that would tell 20
nothing but the truth, and l am man G
my word, sir. You know honest comics
sion is good for the heart, and then the oil
gentleman laughed the feeble, cracke
laughter Of the aged.