Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1883-05-01
GREAT Guns.
The Tables Turned and she
Lawyers Underneath.

I
Dor, piloted by Policeman Jim Smith.
Finally they cast anchor in front Of
the stationhouse and the officer yelled
to the station keeper, Boat ahoy!''
"Ahoyl" answered the station keeper.
Then the official deck hand began
casting about with his lsad-pencil--
for names,after FIRST graphing on to the
whole squadron By virtue of q warrant
from Shah Hadden charging unsanits-
ton.
What's your manner" asked the
clerk of the first lawyer.
Marcus Aurelius."
"Whewl And yours2"
"Soipio Afferricannus, aud be sure
you spell it right"
Gee whizl and yours, Sir?"
"Laertes Diogenes."
Worse and worse. Will you please
tell me yours and tell it slow2" asked
the clerk of the fourth lawyer.
Julius Caesar"
The station keeper tumbled into
the waste basket, but was finally re,
suscitated by the Sergeant who prop
ped him up against the counter and
shaking the life into him exclaimed,
Them names don't belong to them
fellows. They just want 10 fool
the reporters" and he handed
him slip of paper containing their
proper names, which were so entered
on the docket. The worthy ancients
were released on their own bonds and
appeared in court to-day when they
took their turns at the sanitary officer.
They began by solid shet, fred from
one great gun at a time. Then the
officer was battered with chain shot
and squibs. Sometimes a whole vol
ley was fred at him but he stood his
ground like a hero. Now and then
one of the ancients advanced and fred
off cross question point blank into
the side of his head. The thunder of
legal wrath and the lightning of legal
lore rolled and flashed, and echoed
and filled the vaulted room with avs
full sounds. After the sanitary officer
had been bOmbarded fer a half hour
the attorneys wanted to testify in be-
half Of each other.
mo, you can make your statements,
you're all under arrest and being tried
together for the same offense."
Finally compromise was effected
by having one Of the attorneys testify
for all of the balance. There was a
marked difference between the man
ner in which the attorney was cues
toned and that in which the sanitary
officer was bombarded. Then the
FIST old gentleman made his speech
while the other three walked around,
hands under coat tails and chins on |
cravats. AS soon as his speech was |
finished he walked around, while the |
second old gentleman chopped logic |
with the court. Concluding his argu.
ment he joined the promenaders, and
the third old man spoke, followed in
his turn by the fourth. The contest |
ants in the walking match fell off one |
at time before the last old man fin. |
ished, when His Supreme Highness, the |
heavy character actor, got his cue and |
started on the grand round OF all the |
evidence and the speeches. 1t was a |
delicate morsel for the lawyers.
because the point involved was a nice
one. The office occupied by the attor-
neys is over the store of N. Schwar-
zenberg, on Main street, corner of the
alley between Adams and Jefferson.
MIR. Schwarzenberg claimed that if he
allowed the water to run through his
store up into the second floor his goods
were damaged by the leaking of the
pipe. The lawyers claimed Schwar-
zenberg had nothing to do with the
second story, and had no right to turn
the water off, if by |
SO doing he damaged them, and laid |
them liable to arrest for having filthy |
premises. The Court decided every |
body to be guilty, but this very fact |
prevented him from fning anyone, |
as he could not fix original" sin, and |
so discharged them.
But another great question was yet |
to be settled. For long time past
the entire energy and genius of the |
Police Court fraternity has been de- |
voted to efforts to keep the names of
their clients out of the papers. After
the curtain fell to-day they held a |
consultation.
You ask him" said the first old
man. jerking his thumb.
mo; you do it, answered the see
oud old man, while the third and
fourth old men awaited the conclu-
sion with bated breath. After awhile
the following little note futtered
uader the reportorial pencil:
Strive. the gladiators of the
legal arena, have been foully wronged. |
We, who have fought, unshackled the
prisoners Of war and laid them with |
the shades Of their fathers, have had
our feet shaokled, chained to the floor
Of the arena for the amusement of |
crowded ampbitheater Of jeering pie
beians. But yet we have shown what
blood courses through our veiens, what |
metal cOmpasses our nerves and what
purposes inaames our souls. We
have won. Yet the plaudits of the |
populsce have been denied us. Our
trumpet should have been supreme. |
but our degradation has been complete. |
Butyou who viewed the combat from
loftier perch, could certainly not |
wish to soe VS. further humbled in the
soil and polluted dust-oh, can't YOU |
keep our names out Of the paperP"