Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-01-31
PLEASANTRIES,

Il ACOA11 PO1hh w SIhSE-bLe emu
of an cells tall.-Jatdge.
ga BORE is Teller ez tells yer all q
knows, all e thinks e knows, en- all e
don't know"
The burglars romance: Chapter L
He tries to get the shekels. Chapter IT
He gets the shackles.
ga MAN what's got mortgage on a
nlgger's farm is wus marster den de
one he had fore de wah," says Uncle
Nose.
ELDEST daughter (aged 10Y: 81 won
der what made ma marry pa? He is not
at all the sort of man { should have
| cared forl''
THE river Rhine is higher thanfor 100
! years, and you'd think this ought to
make the stuff they call Rhine wine
cheaper, but it doesn' t.-BoSt0n Post.
A LEMON from Florida weighing over
three pounds has been on exhibition in
| Boston. It's sour opinion that such q
lemon is worth squeezing. --NeaU York
| Ne1US.
AFTER o cabbage seed has been sown
it has sense enough to know there is
plenty of room at the top, ami always
makes the most OF it. It's big thing
to have great head.
The emperor Of the Bannock tribe.
with two expresses and papoose princes,
were engaged during the holidays in
| fishing Christmas gifts out of the swill-
| barrels in Dillon, Montana.
SOME OF the stockholders of Miss
| Fields cooperative dress association are
seeking redress. They think there was
too much waist about the concern, prob
ably.-NorristOaOn Hera7d.
FATHER and son, they were both
cheats, and gentleman who had been
victimIzed said that the sons propensity
was probably the only thing he pos
sessed that he came honestly by.
WHEN poor Tom Hood was dying ne
could not resist the temptation to say to
q melancholy clergyman who visited
him. MY dear sir Il hope your
religion hasn't disagreed with you ?"
Too much gravity is unbecoming.
Remember as Joe Miller suggests, Z" that
the grayest beast is an ass, the gravest
! bird is an owl, the gravest fish is an oys-
ster, and the grayest man is a fool! "
A DETROIT drummer has gathered a
large collection of railroad restaurant
doughnuts, which he proposes to sell
| to base ball manufacturers next spring
| "TO what base uses are we come at last. !"
-Elr.
EVERY sensible man in Chicago who
has seen Langtry has gone home and
said to his wife, i" Well, we'll; if she's
good looking [ wonder what they'd call
you?" Some wives take it as compli-
ment. detroit Free Press.
AT Rondouta day or two ago young
lady while skating fell through the ice
and nine young men fell through In try
ing to rescue her. People always be-
come familiar as soon as the ice is
broken. i hiLGdei31hta Ne1U8.
ASHES strewn in front of doctors
office, on such an icy morning as was
this morning, indicates such q spirit of
unseltish Christianity, as in other forms,
would send missionary to the heart of
Africa. Pittsburgh Telegram.
WHEN a man ''mysteriolrsly disap-
pears" nowadays his friends don't begin
dragging the river or casting around for
a murderer until it is known how his
books stand and how much money he
had borrowed. Detroit Free Press.
IT isn't that [ fear any dangerous
turn of the disease" said the man who
had the humps, (" or am troubled about
my personal appearance. [ only regret
that my uperabundance of cheek makes
me for the time being resemble a life
insurance agent. "-LOoOeI Citizen.
A CINCINNATI crank predicts the de-
struction of the world this year. He
says that claiming fire will come TO
Io&o ho Il all ,InE,, - ,,E
possible to see how the picture is going
to be dark if there is Flaming fire" at
the the time. A flaming fire ought to
illuminate it considerably.-N
Herald.
o, He was pup of the homelest mien;
Kiyii
The homeliest pup that ever was seen;
Kiyi
One eye it was red and the other was green,
And his tail he had lost in a sausage machine;
oh, myi
Kiyil
BILL NYE, the Laramie (Wy. Ter
Boomerang, says the old methods of
lynching, such astelegraph poles, trees,
etc., viii soon be replaced in the terri
tory by special lynching car, which,
will travel from place to place, as it's
service may be required, and which will
be supplied with coroner. coroner's
jury, rope, scaffold, etc.
CHINESE agriculturists who may notice
anything unusual making it's appear
ance through the soil, are requested to
bear In mind the fact that the drillers
for oil in Washington County, Pa, have
penetrated distance Of $500 feet, and
are still going on. A strong odor of
Young Hyeon can already be detected
in the derrick. Pittsburgh Telegraph.
Nor long since Lily, little girl of
five years, after saying her evening
prayers, began to indulge in an original
petlon of her own, varying it according
to her moods. She was aware that she
had not been particularly good on GER
tain day, and her evening prayers were
thus supplemented: ''Ipray the Lord to
make Lily a good little girl, and if at
first you don't succeed, try, try again.
A COMPANY of gentlemen, who were
dining at an inn, inquired if the turkey