Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-07-20
FUN
Modern Dentistry.

Modern Dentistry.
TEETH FILLING MADE PLEASANT,
THANKS TO NEW INVENTIONS.
ssNot the slightest pain,'' exclaimed the
old dentist, adjusting the hard wood gag
that held the jaws of his victim apart to
their widest limit, s'Does it hurt? Well.
now, young man, filling teeth. as do it,
is like going to matinee"
Meanwhile he had strapped the culprit's
head back in his chair, had cut small
hole in sheet of rubber, and, thrusting
both his hands in the condemned's mouth,
had forced the affected tooth through the
small aperture.
sGwaum !"
Eyes, you have guessed the name. This
Is the DAM So called by its inventor,
who, poor cuss, never made cent out of
his idea. Luck of inventors, you know.
It is marvellous useful affair. I strap
the top of the dam over your nose and
eyes with this bride, and I hang two
weights to the bottom, so" suiting the ac-
ton to the words, the doomed man began
to slowly asphyxiate.
ssIt takes little time to dry out the
tooth. Everything takes time. But the
luxury of it! Now can work rapidly.
There, steady Hot? True enough"
Mechanically, the old dentist wheeled a
bright, lathe-like machine from a corner
and began to manipulate it with one of
his feet. AS he tramped he chanted the
following dirge to the forsaken:
ssThe greatest single Improvement in
dentistry. With this power drill I can
cam out the inside Of tooth in less time
than it formerly took to open small cayi-
ty. Sometimes gets loose in the hands OF
novices. Never employ young dentist.
my friend. A patient Of mine went to one
of the practicing rooms in town and a
scholar went to work at him with the
power drill. Just then classmate asked
him for some tobacco and he let 60 the
drill long enough for it to explore the roof
of the PATIENTS mouth and to perforate
the palate. Used as I manage it,, how
ever"
-WhiZ-bur-r!
'sWagidbell! Oh-o-o! Good !" savagely
demanded the lost one, as the cold perspi-
ration rolled down his neck.
s'Do not be alarmed the bell did not
ring. This is beautiful bit of work, l
am so close to the nerve that can see the
pink-colored fbres through the bone.
just think how comforting it is to know
that the drill can't break through"
The man in the chair fainted.-Phila.
Times.
Fixing the Door.
There was a crack under the kitchen
door-a crevice large enough for one to
put a hand under-and early in November
Mrs. Crispo began saying:
.Now. Crispo, don't let this day pass
without mailing down cleat to stop that
crevice. It will let in more cold this WIN
ter than two tons Of coal can drive out.
And CrIspo began replying:
s.Certainly, my dear-certainly. That
crevice shall be stopped this very day"
On fifteen different occasions in Novem
Der she reminded him of the fact that he
had forgotten the crevice. In December
the number of the occasions was twenty.
During the month of January she spoke
of 1t twenty-one times. In February she
began referring to the matter at each meal,
and the other day she nailed him down
with the remark
'sCrispo, am going down town, and I'll
stop on my way and ask carpenter here
before night, and that door will be fixed"
ssIll fix it,
mo you won't? You just let it alone.
I'll have carpenter here before night,
and that door will be Gxed.''
II say I'l fix it myself-right away
now,'' and in five minutes he had saw and
hammer and cleat, and was at the job
Mrs. Crispo went off chuckling over her
victory. and upon her return her husband
said:
s.Well, the old crevice is shut up"
s'You fixed it, en-"
FIXED it better than any carpenter you
could have sent up, and in ten minutes,
too' Come and see.''
iJIlO OOUh Oa0 lOOh dt uI6 WOIh duu Uucu
sat down and whispered
ssCrispo, you just missed it by hairs
breadth"
s.What p
ssBeing born fool You have nailed
the cleat to the floor in the side door,"
So he had. He had shut the crevice and
door, too, and when he came to realize it
be had walked slowly out into the back
yard and tried to saw his head off ON the
clothes line.-Detroit Free Press.
ABOUT TwINs.-"So you have got twins
at your house," said Mrs. Bezumbe to lit
tie Tommy Samuelson.
ssYes, man, two of 'em.''
'.What are you going to call them -
ssThunder and Lightning"
why, these are strange names to call
Children
well. that's what pa called them as
soon as he heard they were in the house"
--TeTas SiftingS.