Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1883-06-07
But man, proud man,

But man, proud man,
Dressed in a little brief authority,
Most ignorant of what he's most assured,
Plays such fantasies tricks before high heav-
As make the angels weep, who, with our
spleens,
Would all themselves laugh mortal.
"Abe, you remember that man who
made the speech when our colOrs we're
presented to us, talked of the swelling
hearts of our volunteers, don't you?"
said Kent Edwards, as he and Abe Boil
ton lounged near the parade ground one
fine afternoon, shortly after the arrival
of the regiment in camp of instruction.
"Yo ou remember that was his favorite
figure of rhetoric, and he repeated it sew
eral times ?"
Don't know anything about fgger of
retterick," grewled Abe. who, his COM
rades said, had the evenest temper in
the regiment, for he was always mad.
But do remember that he said that
several times, with a lot O other things
without much pint to 'em, until l tho't
I'd drop, and was SO thirsty and tired"
"Yes2 We'll, now, If yon want to get
a good idea Of what that expression
means, look over there. Not only his
heart swells, but he swells all over"
Il should think he did," replied Abe,
after moments inspection. UNLESS
his hat has an Ipjy-rubber band he'll
have to cut it often his head, which
ought to be hooped, for it can't swell
no more without busting"
1t was Jacob Alspaugh crossing the
parade ground in more than Solomonic
splendor of uniform. His inflated form
bore upon it all the blue and tinsel pre-
Scribed by the Army Regulations for
raiment and insignia of a First Lieuten-
ant of Infantry, with such additions as
had been suggested by his exuberant
fancy. His blue broadcloth was the f.
nest and the shiniest. Buttons and bu-
giles seemed masses of barbaric gold.
From broad brimmed hat fOated the
largest ostrich feather proourable in the
shops. Shining leather boots, 6eld-mar-
shall pattern, came above his knees.
Yellow gauntlets covered his massive
hands and reached nearly to his elbows,
and on his broad shoulders were great
glittering epaulets-then seldom worn
by any one, and still more rarely by vol
to hide the crimson glories of his sash in
the customary modest way, by folding
it under his belt, but had made of it
broad bandage for his abdominal re-
gions, which gave him the appearance
of some gigantic crimson-breasted blue
bird. Behind him trailed, clanking on
the ground as he walked, not the modest
little sword of his rank, but long cav
airy saber, with glittering steel scab-
bard. But the sheen of gold and steel
was dimmed beside the glow of intense
satisfaction with his makeup that shone
on his face. There might be alloy in his
cleaning buttons and bullion epaulets;
there was none in his happiness.
81 feel for those poor lilies of the field,
that he comes so near" sighed Kent,
sympathetically. "He is like them now,
in neither telling nor spinning, and yet
how ashamed he must make them of
their infeaior raiment."
"Faugh it makes me sick to see
dung-hill like that strutting around in
feathers that belong to game birds"
80, no; no game bird ever wore such
plumage as that. You must be think
ing of peacock. or bird-of-paradise."
"Well, then, blast it, hate to see a
peacock Matched all at once, out of a
Sinking, roupy, barnyard rooster"
40. no; since circnses are out OF the
question now, we ought to be glad of so
good a substitute. 1t only needs brass
band, with somsicolored posters, to be a
genuine grand entry,with street parade"
Alspaugh's triumphal march had now
brought him within a few feet of them,
but they continued to lounge on the
musket box upon which they had been
sitting, giving mere nod as recognition
of his presence, and showing no inten-
tion of rising to salute.