The National tribune., 1883-03-29
BECOME, DULL Care.
What the Funny Fellows are Saying IL sAa News
papers.

What the Funny Fellows srs Saying Il Aha News
papers.
Heard in the West: "This Is a very hand
some hotel, but I don't see any precautions
against fire." No, we don't need en-. The
property is insured"
Practical: Mrs. Smith is q practical woman.
When she was told of wonderful instance Of
prayer cure, she remarked" Only think Of IL
/ didn't cost one cent, did it ?"-Bosl0a Tran
script
A Frenchman learning the English language
complained Of the irregularty Of the verb 20
60" the present tense Of which sene wag bad
written out for him as follows: go, thou
startest, he departs, we make tracks, you cut
sticks, they absquatulate or s6edaddle.
There is one good thing about this two-cens
postage. The swarm of spring poets won't be
compelled to face the dreadful fact that the
stamp on the envelope is worth three times as
mach as the poem inside. 1t viii only be
worth twice as mueh--BtTliagt0a HGCkeys.
sad affair: They are now telling a story
about Chicago girl who insisted on throwing
her shoe after newly-1arried couple. The
carriage Is a total wreck, a doctor has the
bride and horse under treatment and large
numbers Of men are searching the ruins for
the groon--AROn.
Parsonby taken aback: It took young Par
sonby all aback when, at the theatre the other
evening, he whispered to his girl that he,
guessed he would stop out q moment to take
| the air, and she quickly responded: 1t is
very oppressive George; III go out with you"
Boston Transcript.
Nautical: Two tramps, very thirsty, ara
seated in lager beer saloon, involuntary list
eners to an argument between two pretty well
"loaded" legal gentlemen on the subject OF
free ships. First tramp LOO y" That amt no
interest to Us, is it, Billy?" Second tramp
No, Sam; what we wants to ear about Ia
| free schooners. "-BrOoE{y1 Eagle
Why the Gar retired: There was COM
pany of gentlemen engaged in q little game Of
cards in prominent gentleman's parlor one
| night lately. 1t grew late. ard fears were ex-
pressed by the party that they were trespass-
! ing upon the kindness Of the mistress Of the
house, who, by the way, was not present.
Not at all, gentlemen-not at all! Play a.
/ long as you please am Gar here" said the
| master of the mansion Yes, gentlemen, play
as long as you please" said siIvery voice, and
all rose as the mistress of the house stood be-
fore them Play as long as you please. gentle
men! But, as it is nearly one o'clock, the
Gar is going TO bed!" He went.-SaB Fran
edso ArgOnGat.
Smith Washington, an aged eofored African,
whitewashed the fence of an Austin banker
| for dollar and quarter, which the banker
paid him IN Mexican quarters at par. Several
| days rolled away into eternity before Smith
Washington had any occasion TO put one OF
| those Mexican quarters into circulation, but
| when he attempted TO do so he was shocked as
| the twenty per cent. discount His feelings
were hurt, too. He lifted up his voice and
| said: Jess ter think OBJ a banker, in whom
| had cherry confidence in de world. beating
me out oh quarter OBJ dollar. lowed he
was an honest man. hadn't Orter tuck de
| job in the fust place" and then he added more
| cheerfuily: " Bat eff / hadn't tuck de job to
whitewash the fence / nebber would hab found
| out whar de chickens roasted, and as | sold
| four dollars wuff OBJ chickens next morning,
| de bank hain't eotehed up wild me yet. "-1sxas
| Siftisgs.