The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-02-08
THE ROAD TO MoRGANTowN.

The following scene is said to have actually
occurred, in the early settlement of this coun-
try, somewhere gu the headwaters of Dunkard
Creek, on the line between MOnOn.alia and
Greene Counties. Ii illustrates some peculiari-
ties in the character of the of the early settlers
aud is not bad example of the manner in which
roads are described by many people, even at the
present day. We publish a part of the pro-
gramme, by request:
Stranger-..My friend, can you tell me the
road to MOrgaEtOwn
Robin Darrah, Throwing down an armful of
chips, which he carrying from the yard)-
by the grace of God can, as well as any man
in the County, for I've been there myself. You
came past old Joel Tuttles, didn't you : with his
lip stiekin' out like your foOt-the AMBER run
min off his lip sufficient to swim ducks. He
chaws tobacco, SIR"
Stranger-"I care nothin. about him. I've
come past there wish to get on to Morgan
town.
DarraiI-.'Well. You'll take up the hill past
old blink-eyed Baldwin's-all the blacksmith
have in the Countrywide cussedest iron
rooster you saw in all the days of your life.
He will burn up forty plow-shares a year. if
you'll take 'cm to him. A few dahs ago, Jake
dang his name-ana Bets-dang her tall can't
think of either of their names-was runnin' off
TO git married over in Pennsylvania, and they
stopped at old blind-eyed Baldwin's. to git their
hosses shod; and he put his iron in the fire, aud
blOwed, ana the devil a shoe he made, and
whether they got married or not, I'm not able
to tell you. He's got little old stewed up wo-
an for wife, about big your fist-abont
50 Highland she keeps all the whole country in
an uproar with her lies, runnin' from house to
house tattiIng, and she's got her name up so
that it's Matte Baldwin here. and Matte Bald
win there, and Matte Baldwin in everybody's
mouth, and there's not lawsuit in the County
but what she's summoned as a witness, and
whether She swears lies not, I'm not able to
tell We. but believe she tells lies. You'll take
down the hill there To Dave Chew's that married
old Aaron Fosters widher. AT first sight, you'll
think he's niger, but he's a white man, sir
You will turn around his farm TO the right; that
road viii lead yon to Dan Cakes, the dog shoot
er. He has killed all the dogs in this County,
so if you're afraid of dogs, Won needn't be
alarmed. fur there's dog left to bark at ye,
and it's Dan Cake here, and Dan Cake there,
and Dan Cake in everybudy's mouth. He ought
to he made To pay fur the dogs, an think he
will, afure he gifts through with il. The other
day. me and my son Joe goin' aronnd the
field, and up jumped Il fox. and the dog took
after it, and we've never heard tell of the dog
or the fox since day before yesterday; and then
the dog was about three hundred and fifty yards
ahead of the fox, and be hasn't got back Tit,
and | expect Dan Cake has killed him. Yon
Just keep right on down the road from there,
and yOn will come in amongst the latest, lusti-
est set of niggrrS yon ever seen in all the days
of your life. Their name is Dowd, and its Dowd
here, and DOwd there, and Dowd in everybody's
month and I've one of the cnssedest lawsuits
with them You ever heard of in yOur life and
it's all about SANDER; and there's Tom p. Ray,
Clerk of the Court in Morgantown, and Edgar
e. Wilson. the best lawyer in Virginny, both
say I'll lick EN- out slick bone, and it's all
about SANDER, though never slandered nobody
myself. If know anything against anybody,
| generally keep il to myself. You'll cross "a
pint over there, and just over on another run,
by turning Ia the right, you'll come down to old
Bill Messer's. He married Mitz, aud her name
il Peg, and she's the cuSse,lrst woman to sugar
you ever heard in all your life. sir. Her hair
sticks out like a scrub broom; she don't comb it
from one weeks end to another, and it's Peg
MeSscT here, and Peg MeSSer there, and Peg
McsSeT in eveTybody's mouth, and she can out
swear Matte Baldwin. I0ull there turn to the
left. and that will take ynu up pint, and you
will fall over onto Jake's Rnn-it used to he
called Straddlrrs Run, named after old Jake
StTaddler, in Indian times aud it's settled from
head 10 mouth with Tenants, and it's Tenants
here, and its Tenants there. and its Tenants
| in everybody's mouth: and they're the cussedest
men to fight you ever in yOur born days.
Whenever they have log-rolling, any com
ing together of the people. their Jackets of,
| and the blood aud sn0t flynn. and all hollern'
| fair play The father will fight with the son.
| and the son with the father, and brothers will
| fight one another. But there is old Enoch Ten
nant. stepping around with his head stickin' TO
one side. believe he's the finest Tenant among
| 'eni. BUT there's Black Ben, Pete Tenants
| nigser-I like To forgot him-hc's the only white
maj. amongst all of EN- You'll turn up that
run by turning TO the right-no road To turn
YOU oif-till you fall ON the head of Little Paw
I paw, To my sou-in-law's, Ben Shumln's, Que of
! the highest men you ever saw in all Your life
| time; and it's Ben Shuman here, and it's Ben
/ Shnman their. and Ben Shuman is every body :
! talk-kerps the whole country in an upruar
I with his lies. / must say that Ben Shnman has
/ the hest breed of dogs in the country, and he's
I goin To have 4 lot of ynnng pups soon. Ny
! Dave spoke pup, and any Jack spoke pup,
/ and nv Dan spoke pup, and little Will anoth-
| myself, and bny the old maIn;ny dog. and sell
her to my brotherin-law, Joe Konn, for a gal
/ Ion of whskey, a bushel of corn. John
Hoods got the best store in Blacksvile There's
goin' to he famine on this creek, for Shep.
/ Lemasters and Joe Parks are sellin' their corn
ont at twenty-five cents. and they'll have to
give fifty cents fur the same corn back again,
between this aud harvest: and Bill LauntZ and
Bill Thomas have got a barrel of whiskey
wheat 10 the gallon, and they'll git all the
wheat that grows in this neighbOrhoOd, aud
that wheat goes from here to WaynesbuTg, and
from there To Pittsburg-and Tn DRAWN pen
sion at this time, and the devil any more right
have 10 II than yon have; but there was old
Andy C"bley and Jack Dro1kover got me afore
the Squire. aud didn't care what | swOre, 50
ever done IN my life was 10 kill my mother and
then the gun went of by accident"
SiranEer-''Gnnd day. sir
Mrs DaTTah-"R"bin, the gentleman don't
know more about thesnad now than if Won
hadn't said word.
DaTal-''IIoid ynnr tongue. old woman; by
the grace of God lac can't miss the way. and
ing and said good morning, and so we parted"