New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-01-17
WIT And HUkoR.
The starch-fnaker in the West are
proposing Ia. combine, the object beng.


proposing TO- combine. the object beng,
OF course, tOistif1enthe price.
The first cloud t!l;,t} o,sc.,rt,s ths
peaceful sky OF M infant existence is
about t:isssiz OF y mans band. &. a..
The prudent man has saved dimes all
summer that lie might kav. good quar-
tcrs in. thelwinier. Sc 6# !s rs
A school-teaclier is 5. person employ
cd to give parents live hours Of peace
and quiet per day. i
As q rule. the men VIII, have been
driven crazy ny misfortune did not
have 10 go far.
10 keep appies from si>.casing. put
them in y cool place where there IS ;
large family Of chiidrcE.
4 LnnOke, Ark, soci,,l3 statistieiall
announces that ,Isf1c arr, e!fsy-pne mar.
riageaflt' yoilf,y s.siNs s,.'s,;,ly number
OF attractive is'sas $ III that place. 8
Philadelphia. boasts of man who,
tried 70 poison seven people, Ina man
who isn't doctor this seems extraor-
binary. a&4a
A little boy who had beer. used to re-
ceiving his elder brothers. old toys and
old clothes remarked: mia. will I have
to marry his widow when he dies?
A Cincinnati insurance agent was
shot atsthrse times the Other ,,ny with
out being lit. Iis 4 business in which.
all risks generally pan ont pre'i,ably. Z
A Texas man recently committed
suicide. and as he left the whisky bot
tie in his pocket nearly full he was ad-
judged insane.
Said IKE rich and tquiet-loying citi.
zen If q man bores, me and dom t
like him, and want him to keep away
from me. l don't snub him. Just lend
him 49,"
A Mr.. Reed has written ioag poem
to show that the world is growing bet
ter every year. Let him transact bust
ness with q hickman and he'll go homo
and tear up the manuscript. si.
Old-fashioned country dances are be.
ing revived, and it is Thought that fash-
ionable balls this season will be less
suggestive of sitting up with q corpse
than formerly.
The cranberry crop Of the east is .
failures and every man who UNDER
stands that it takes two pounds of su.
gar to sweeten handful Of the berries
will be glad oft.
DO you subscribe to all the articles
of the Athanasian creed?'' was asked
an old lady. mo, I don't; can't af-
ford 1t. There's . collection next week
for the convention fund, and I can't do
any more" was her reply.
Madame he said. sorrowfully, Il
ss.&ll never be young again. .'No,"
o5'.- replied. regarding him with 8 cyni.
c expression, when nature makes Q
mistake she never repeats the expert.
n!eot with the same material"
Said night policeman when about
,ns.< he was invited to drink cup Of
coffee: mo, thank you; coffee keeps
,ne wake all night Then he saw
his ;:lunder, looked very embarrassed
a'ss tried to explain, but it was no use.
For deliriously dazzling 1alsehood
you want to hear the story Of the Yer
mon' baggsgeman who, having q little
time hetween stations, took hammer
anal nails and repaired trank that
shoae,: a disposition to burst.
Nothing like understanding human
nature. A southern farmer placed his
hen coop right in the middle Of his wa
termeSpulpatch, and every darkey that
came prowling around debated with
himself until daylight to which he
should tackle. s
i Montreal young man attempted T.
kiss the pretty daughter of ., corner,
grocer. She dipped her lily white hand
"p 10 th,- wrist in 4 gallon of molasses
an'i l,H><.'l it rapidly across the ardent
lover sulbrosial beard. This is what
mighf IN, called sweet revenge. I'll; ~
-, sii"Try has graduated?'4 remark
Ell :: i;::.s.,' t'fsthe family. "WhsS Il he.
to clsns,,c q profession! Take orders
! sslnp 80 ";areplied Henry;
father, y 7.'ain, common-sense IMAM.
'.a,l ,!iH,'i know the boy 1 should
'an=:i, - -: aim. taking orders from
any ',r. IT.
Si,.. sai.l >iss, wanted q ticket. TO New
York and rsAurn, and the pale, gentle
ma,i!i. s,.5:lt i It'll the dark mrlotlsta ache
asked, rs he .EE:ok up the pasteboar,d,
Single '.is amt any Of your busi-
Ness, as | know" she responded, tartly.
~ might is;,vci BEEN married dozen
times il III felt like providing for some
poor, shift,css wreck of manr'
4 young CLERGYMAN, who is i success-
ful pastor, wis telling a retired mission
airy that he entered college and the the
illogical seminary with tho intention Of
becoming q missionary, when the latter
broke out villa, All! you turned back
after putting yonr hand to the ploughr'
''No,n was tie answer; Il just took an
other plough F2 a
Il suppose when women get their
rights, said TIE Young man in the fiat
hat. you girls will he making love to-
the fellows. ltms.st be- awfully nice to
be made love To, You know" EYES,"
replied Angelina, '.only one wants to
choose ones loyer.'' The next moment
the young man in the fiat hat was stand.
ing alone, iee!ing tlaser thanjhis tlat hat
Said she giided youth; w hat 8 the
use OF my Kicking about the price my
tailor sets or alstlis of clothesf /; used,
to ito it. i,,1t one ,l;.Eafter4 chadsargued,
~ CONtPs't VI 3bt3OltS8 t4uxSl804v
thought1that it w:,s. II stidiculous waste
of4timc. as5I should never pay, the bill,
anyhow "A d .8.s
..Are yo,, the judge Of reprobatesp''
7aia Mrs, darlington. ls. She Wallsd In
to an oI.iee Ola Judge Of probate, Fl
AT. 81 iuago nf probatc. WIS the reply
well that's @as I IN pect." pnoth The
old lady. You see my fathersdied de-.
tested and left several little infidels, and
] want to !, their exeeutioner."
A director Of railroad, who is q
great hater of tobacco hearing II re-
marked in a meeting Of tile board that
she life Ola locomotive is only thirty
,ears. wanted 70 know '.if. in the opin.
ion Of the board. the longevity Of tho
locomotive wo,sia not be increased il Il
smoked less"
..Yes,'' said tho landlord ct the
bsach, '''ll clear the piazza Of those
L. n kA.SN