The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1883-10-04

had been carried several miles into the
mountains over rough places and
through brush.
Humorous Paragraphs.
Dibden had horse which he called
"Graphy." Every odd name," said q
friend. "Not at ALL" responded Tom:
when l bought hin it was Buy-o-Gra
ply; when l mount him its Top-o-Gra-
ply; and when want him to 70 its Gee.
no. Graphy. "-Somervi!la Journal.
Acapita! anecdote is told of little fel-
low, who, in turning over the leaves Of a
scrap book, came across the we'll known
picture Of some chickens just ont of their
shell: MY companion examined the
picture carefully. and then, with grave
sakacious look 1T me. slowly remarked:
They came out cos they was afraid oi
being boiled"
Mrs. Fogs' g curtain lectures: Foge says
that Parson Jones isa good man and
means well, but there is one thing about
him that Fogg doesn't quite like. The
parson' says Fogs, is a goOl deal like
Mrs: r.: when he gets an idea INTO his
head, it does seem as though you would
never hear the last CT it," II never do. y
fogg adds. II either go out or 20 to e.
long before he gets anywhere near the
last"
= hard head: My planter friend here
tells OF an incident in his gin house,
where negro. hurrying with a sack Li
cotton ON his shoulder, struck a beam
with his head. The blow was like the
stroke Of q sledse ham nier and the
whole Building trenbled. THAT must
have hurt your head, Jim," sad my
friend, pityngly. "No, sah," was the
reply; didn't hurt my head bit, but
spra ned my neck dretty."
"WhJ do you mutter that way when
you read?" asked a man of an old negro
who sat mumb!lng over newspaper.
"tow ought to read, sah?"
"Why, read without moving your
'"What good would that sort of readin
do me. iur l couldn't heah it? When
reads | wantster read so I kin hean
what Use readin bout" -Arkausaw
Traveller.
A Boston young mother never says to
her first baby, oh ny no-ny! E muzzy
tick his little footsie-tootsies out fun
indy ze banky-wanky. or he catchie
co!y in his sweetsie little heady weddy,
and have &c snuaes." ALI, no. She
says to the infant: mo, no; you m,iSt
not expose your pedal extremities by
extending or permitting them to pro-
trude, even for brief SPACE Of inte val,
beyond the protecting :r.is OF the
blanket, as by SO doing you will lay
your system open to attacks Of catarrhal
and neuralgia affectio.ls." Now you can
understand why Boston babies grow up
to be James brothers, like Jessie, and
Frank, and Henry.
"The smallest hair,'' says Goethe,
throws its shadow" It does, it does.
And # 1t happens to throw the penum.
bra across the butter, It casts It's little
gloom over the entire community.
It's no use trying to make a Christian
of an Indian. 1t can't be done. Now,
here is Lola Scott, the converted Creek.
tie says that fifty years ago he used to
paint himself up. and indulge in war;
dances. and 20 out on the war path, and
scalp pale-taces and other hostlles, and
Was, to ull int:nts and purposes, bold
bad Indian, be the more or less. Then
tie was converted, joined the church;
took off his war-paint and feathers, bu:
RED the tOlnahawk; and what has he
done since then? Sold three hundred
sewing machines, and keeps on selling
hem! Give him oack his bonarr "a
again.
A Milwaukee belle, attending theatre
in New York city. recently, complained
in one of the scenes that the light vas to
dim to see the acting properly. "Won't
you try this glass?" asked her escort,
handing her his lorgnett.. Hastily GOV.
ering the suspicious looking object with
her handkerchief, she p accd 1t to her
lips. taking long pull, and then handed
It back in great disgust, saying: "Why,
there amt drop in it,
A Chicago wholesale house sent out
three female drummers by way of ex-
pertinent. One of them wore all her
samples to a picnic, and got lemonade,
pie, and grass stains all over them; an
other got mashed on brakeman, and
'ollowed him off; and the third reported
three new dresses, avn tennis suit, a
garden hat, and Langtry bang in liz,
expense account. The house is so well
satisfied with the result of the expert
ment that it will not repeat it.