Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-02-14


Extremes meet" said a boarde
as he tackled a couple of pigs feet
Kansas City Argo.
The cremationists maintain that th
human race should end in u dea,
heat.-N. Y. Morning Journal.
A Newark, O., editor is known t.
wear No. 12l boots. Is this jour
nalistic feat Pittsburgh Telegraph
Janauscheki is making moneyin Ohio
Her profits are known as Janauche
kels.-Pittsburgh Telegraph.
"Ah!" sighed the husbandman, 81
wagging tongues were but wagol
tongues, how much better we shoulC
get on in this world p-Ex.
The winter carnival at Montrea
will be an ice affair.-Washingtol
Post. We were in hopes the country
was to be spared that.-Free Press.
Railroad man to disappointed of
fice-holder "Don't fret about tha
office and I'll try and get horse-cal
named after you" Boston Globe.
Since the recent hotel fires, the
landlords find themselves, like the
feeble minded class, little empty il
the upper stories.-Boston Transcript
There is a woman in the New York
penitentiary who was put in before
the war.-Ex. And when was the
war put n?-St. Joseph (Mo.) Grip.
Pat says that if men could only
hear their funeral sermons and reaC
their own headstones, there would be-
no living in the world with them. -
Boston Courier.
A new cashier in Pittsburgh bank
is Mr.. Drum. 1t does not follow tha
he has two heads, but that confidence
men will find him hard to "beat. -
Pittsburgh Telegraph.
Our continent is to be moved tC
New York. New York takes a justi
fable pride for being an universal
dumping ground for all kinds o
trash.-New Haven Register.
Brown doesn't like his new coloreC
domestic so well as he anticipated
She is never at home evenings ; al
ways going somewhere. She is, il
fact, regular Dinah out.-Ex.
"You can't get ahead of me-" sale
stupid mean man to doctor. g
wouldn't care to-" retorted the physi
clan, "for / don't like cabbage. y
New York Commercial Advertiser.
1t is claimed that the seventh sol
of seventh son possesses marvelou
gifts of healing, but a race of scofler
are prone to believe that all he cal
heel is an old stocking.-Philadelphi'
Chronicle-Herald
The new Governor of Pennsylvani;
wants everybody in the State who ha'
anything on his mind to address him
Here's the opportunity for the mai
whose chambermaid won't tuck in tn
bed clothes at the foot.-Boston Post
A Pittsburgh firm has brought ou
a new masculine hat which they hav
christened the Jersey Lily" |
wouldn't be economy to invest in sue
hat. 1t is too easily mashed" y
Norristown Herald.
Liquor" said the lecturer, "is re
sponsible for much of the misery il
this world" That's So" said an oil
topper in the audience. 81 am alway
unhappy when can't get it."-Phil
adelphia Chronicle Herald.
There is hardly an American VIII
does not ache to become q champion
of some sort. That's the reason som
men pound their wives and others &c
drunk. 1t is the only field in whic
they can shine.-Free Press.
A Boston young lady of wealth an
position has astonished society" b
cutting and making her own weddin
dress. She also intended to make he
wedding cake, but the Board of HealtI
Observation-Disclosures News.
An eminent physician says tn
playing of a piano will quiet tn
rawlings of a maniac. We shoul
think so. There is no use for maj
lac to howl and clamor when he can
hear himself.-Burlington Hawkeye.
Herbert Spencer says the comm
American is to be very powerful
The coming American will certainl