Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-05-12
THE BAD BON.

on the Counter TiSuI over d iittic SihiiSt
hole, where the grocery man had fixed a
darning needle so that by pulling string
the needle would fly up through the hole
and run into the boy about all inch. The
grocery man had been laying for the boy
for TWO days, and it made him laugh to
tuink how he would make him jump and
yell. The grocery man pulled, and the
boy suit still. He pulled again and again,
and finally the boy said:
Yes, it is reported that we haG burglars
over there. Oh, you needn't pull that
string ANY more; l heard you was setting
trap for me, and put piece of board
in my pants. Go ahead if it amuses you.
1t don't hurt me-"
The grocery man looked sad, smiled
sickly sort of a smile at the failure OF his
plan, and then said: "Well, how was it.
The policeman didn't seem TO know much
about the particulars"
"Now let's have an understanding"
said the boy. "Whatcver l say you are
not to give away. It's u go, is it? l have
always been afraid of you, because you
have sort of decayed egg look about you.
But il you wont give this away here goes.
You see, heard ma tell pa last night to
bring up another bottle OF liniment. When
ma corks herself, or has a pain anywhere,
she just uses liniment for all that is out.
Well, told my chum, and we laid for pa.
This liniment pa uses is awful hot, ana
almost blisters. Pa went to the Langtry
show and did not get home till eleven
O'Clock, and NE and my chum decided to
teach pa Il lesson. We agreed to lay on
the stairs, and when he come up my chum
Was TO hit him Oh the head with dried
bladder, and was to stab him on his
breast pocket with a stick and break the
Eminent bottle aud could make him think
he WAS killed. Ii couldn't have worked
better. We had talked about burglars at
supper time aud got pa nervous, so when
he came up stairs and was hit on the head
with the bladder, the first thing he said
was burglars by mighty and he started
to 90 back, and then l hit him on the
breast pocket, where the bottle was, and
then we rushed by him down stairs, and
| said in stage whisper, Il guess he's
dead man. and we went down the cellar
and up the back stairs to my room and
undressed. Pa hollered TO ma that he
was murdered, AID ma called me and l
came down in my night-shirt and the
hired girl she came down, and pa he was
OIL the lounge, and he said his life blood
was fast ebbing away.
ale held his hand on the wound, and
said he could feel the warm blood trick
ling clear down TO his boots. told pa to
stun some tar into the wound, such as he
told nue. to put Oh my lip to make my
uoustache grow, and pa said, My son,
this Is no time for trifiing. Your pa is on
his last legs. When | came up stairs l
met six burglars and attacked them and
forced four of them down, and was going
to hold them and send for the police, when
two more that | did not know about,
jumped on lnc, and | was getting the best
OF them, when one of them hit me over
the head with crow bar, and the other
stabbed me to the heart with butcher
knife. Get some ice and put on my STUN
mick, and all the way down, for l am
burning up.' | went to the water pitcher
and got a chunk of ice and put it inside of
pas shirt, and while ma was tearing up
an old skirt to stop the flow of blood l
asked pa if he felt better and if he could
describe the villains who had murdered
him. 'One of them was about six foot
high, and had 4 sandy moustache. L got
him down and hit him on the nose, and if
the police find him, his nose will be broke.
The second one was thick set, and weighed
about TWO hundred. had him down, and
INV boot was on his neck, and was knock
ing two more down, when was hit. The
thick set one will have the mark of boot
heels on his throat. Tell the police when
lam gone about the boot heel marks By
this time ma had the skirt tore up and she
stuffed it under pas shirt, right where he
said he was hit, and pa was telling us
what to do to settle his estate, when ma
began to smell the linment, and she found
the broken bottle in his pocket, and
searched pa for the place he was stabbed,
and then she began to laugh and pa got
mad and said he didn't see as death bed
scene was such All almighty funny affair,
and then she told him he was not hurt,
but that he had fallen on the stairs and
broke his bottle, and that there was no
blood OH him, and he said, do you mean
to tell me my body and legs are not bathed
in human gore?' and then pa got up and
found that it was only liniment. He got
mad and asked ma why she didn't fly
around and get something to take that
liniment off his legs, rs it was eating them
right through TO the bone, and then he
saw my chum put Lis head in the door
with one gallus hanging down and pa
looked at me and then he said, 'Lookahere
boy, If find out that it was you boys that
put up this job on me, I'll make it so hot
that YOU will think Imminent is ice cream
In COMPARISON l told pa it didn't look
reasonable that me and my chum could be
six burglars six feet high, with our noses
broke and the boot heel marks on our
necks, and pa re said for us to 60 bed, and
give him chance 10 rinse OF that lini-
ment, and We retired. Say, how does my
pa strike you as a good single handed
liar," and the boy went up to the counter
while the grocery man went for scuttle
Of coal.
In the meantime one Of the grocery