The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-10-18
VIII AND HUMOR.

NV here 90 all lDe ines 20 10! aShs
an exchange They have been boarding
at our house this month.
An Albany girl has three tongues.
She is young yet and has future be-
| fore her.
IF you don't give me a penny, said
| a Young hopeful to his mamma, Il
know boy that's got the measles, and
| I'll 60 and catch 'em.
The man who uses profane language
may have considerable dash about him,
but he is running a risk of going where
they have altogether too much colon.
In social game of cards it is esti-
mated that woman asks ''wcat trump
is it?" seventeen times a minute; but
then she doesn't begrudge the effort 1t
costs her.
Thousands Of men have commenced
al the bottom of the ladder and stayed
there. Others have carried bricks and
mortar and reached the top by honest
industry.
DR.. Mary Walker is in hot water
again. A young chap in Washington
whose shoulder she had iocularly clap
ped in crowd called her ''Hey, Du-
dee" and so she kicked his shins.
The tailors of America will meet in
convention at Philadelphia next month.
We presume they will meet TO discuss
measures, not men.-S0merUiIe Jour
nal.
you've got new hat, l see,' said
one man to another who was noted for
his love of the flowing bowl. Eyes
hic-got w-hic-hat; but it's got
the-hic- same old brick in it.
Lovers ought to move to Havre-Gou-
versse,u Herald. But if her Marseilles
in and SAYS he is Tolouse, What then?
Winnipeg SJtings. Why, then the
Paris probably separated.
Out West. the cellar is the place to 60
to in time of a cyclone and when a man
has barrel of cider in the cellar, it's
| surprising how many times day he
thinks there's cyclone coming along.
Boston Post.
When an Arkansas man let it be
| known that he was going over to the
corners to Stay a man who had sold him
a spawned mule four of his neighbors
went along to see the killing and have
a chance to draw pay as witnesses.
| Here is gem alleged to have been
found in the letter of young lover
| dearest love, l have swallowed the
postage stamp which was on your letter
because l know that your lips had touch
/ ed it.
A reporter who had just done his
first boat race was rebuked by the city
editor for not mentioning anywhere
/ that the oarsmen took water, and re-
/ piled that none of them took water.
They all took gin.-Boston Transcript.
A little girl in a Hartford Sunday
school, unused TO diplomatic ways,
sidled up to her teacher and, naively as
could be, said: Mother wanted me to
find out in roundabout way whether
you are Mrs. or Miss.
! The prevalence of suicide among far
mers has never had its cause explained.
May not the strain on the mind while
acting as judges at County Fairs have
something to do with it?- Kansas City
| Journal.
Little Johnny says that all men do
not belong to the animal kingdom. For
instance there is a circus proprietor. He
| doesn't belong to the animal kingdom,
but the animal kingdom belongs to him
boston transcript.
Too bad! only one instead of two
weeks vacation this summer! grumbled
Racket, throwing himself back in the
hammock. Never mind, dear" re-
piled the consoling Mrs. r.; you know
half loaf is better than none"
The lightning struck a man out in
Ohio, and when the news was broken
TO his wife she asked in a sad but sur
prised tone of voice lis he dead?"
Eyes, was the reply. Poor John;
then the lightning must have struck
him more than once"
The latest snake story going the
rounds of the press, is headed "A
young lady tightly embraced by SER
pent." Such incidents are not rare.
But the young lady doesn't know at the
time be is a serpent. Sometimes she
doesn't discover the fact until after she
marries him.
DIR. Holmes once said: '.Our brains
are seventy year clocks. The angel of
life winds them up once for all then
closes the case and gives the key into
the hand of the resurrection. That
may be why man of eighty feels
little run down, remarks an octogena-
rian.
At the seaside:--" Why my dear, we
must have a nurse; the baby is teething
and will cry all night" ''Well, let
him yell; those stuck-up neighbors of
ours. the Joneses are in the next board
ing house and will recognize the voice,
and know that we are at the shore
too"
The Christian at Work tells about
preacher who said in his sermon that
sit is as hard for q rich man to squeeze
through heavens gate as for mathe-
matician to destroy one of the foci of an
eilipse while preserving the other, or
for turncated cone to be made whose
intersected plane should never describe
parabola.
''Does it pay for minister to take a
three-month's vacationp" s.Does it?
Well we should say so. There are
some churches of which we wot of,
where we think it would pay the pas
tor to take about thirteen months va
cation every year, and then put off
coming back to the last minute, with a
hope of missing the train.-HaWkeye.
A New York church is greatly agitat-
ed over the question as to whether it is
proper to receive money collected
through the means of a social dance.
And yet the same congregation would
accept without even rs much as blush
money willed to it by lawyer or the
grocer who got rich by sanding his
sugar.-1roy Times.
How refreshingly ingenious feminine
intelligence displays itself at ball
game:-''What has that man got on
his face-a muzzle?" "Why, no, that
is a protector. ssNot chest protect
orr" ''Oh, no. the idea! You see
when that man swings the stick around
and it don't hit the ball, this man is
obliged to put on the muzzie. That's
part of the game. don't know how
much it counts
Mrs. Gushington Ito young widow