News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-11-08
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK.
In the Wrong PWIpit-It was DnnC-An
Even ThiHg-A soft @Answer-A Fruud-
Contempt Etc, Etc.

remarked.
" Gloves, my love"
g But the other odor, sir %
& AIlspice, my sweet.
Bat 1 smell something else"
On, that's cinnamon"
g But I am certain 1 smell something
that isn't spice at all. "
" Oh, that's an apple I ate before I
came in.
" Well, [ should Think" she replied,
" that if you'd just taken a good drink
of brandy before you came III and eaten
a ham sandwich you would have had all
the ingredients necessary for 4 good
mince pie
He sighed as lie dropped to sleep, and
murmured that he'd have done 50 if he
hadn't been afraid of bad dreams. Life.
CONTEMPT OF COURT.
In the days gone by citizen Of Detroit
who has IateIybeen gathered to his fathers
was a Justice of the Peace for one of the
townships of this county One day as
he sat in his Office with nothing to do
friend came along with a young horse
| The Squar' was somewhat conceited on
| the horse question, and when informed
that the equine before him would let no
man ride him he at once determined to
accomplish the feat. A crowd gathered,
saddle was brought, and his Honor
presently found himself astride Of the
beast. The next thing he knew he was
lying in a muddy ditch, and a dozen
men were laughing to kill.
Il declare this court in session y
yelled his Honor as he struggled up.
At this there was fresh burst OF
laughter, and he continued:
And each and every one OF you IS
fined 50 for contempt of court ~
They laughed harder than ever, but
the fines were recorded and collected;
and for years after it was understood
that court was in session except when
the Suuar' was in bed and asleep.
h'OH Free Press.
HE FORGOT THE STIFF NECK.
...... ,. --. .- f... ........ myers
Gentleman vino stood Ueslde = customs
--, ..,;,,. w.. -, .,. moo "elms rien-
"Why, that man with hump on his
back. / had rather be poor all my days
than be deformed and have millions OF
money"
II can cure him i'll about five minutes;
come and see, " replied the officer, as he
walked toward the unfortunate and III
vited him to pass up stairs. There was
Il kick, but he had to go, and three OF
fonr minutes time sulficed to remove
his deformity, which consisted CT
+wontv-two wards of flannel and SIX pairs
of socks.
.Purtv smart p growIed the SNUG
oIer. as he was allowed to 80.
ssNot so very, was the reply; "a man
who carries a hump on his back should
carry a stifnecIl. You didn't. "-DetIo"
Free Press.
AN EVEN THING.
care YOU sure that this is Il gentle
| horse !? asked Il HILL VI q Q
tIeman, from whom he wished to pur-
chase Il buggy horse. -
"GentIest hoss in dis town. \ child
ken dribe him. My wife is mighty
skecrv oman, but she amt altered oh
dis hoss."
..Sorry to hear it." said the white
man "a gentleman who Is running
AGAINST me for Office gave me money to
Inv = horse for him. [ don't want you
to say anything about it, hut l want &c
Get A horse that will run away with hlm
and Kill him"
..Den his is de hoss, sab. Tore
'spress wagon all ter pieces day afort
vestidy. an killed cuIIud gentlemen
les suit vcr, sab, fur he VIII kill de on
fortunate white man lessen Il week.
"You trifing liar, wanted the hors'
l for NV wife, and merely tested you
honesty. I don't want him"
"Who's trihin' liar %
''You are"
81 amt no wuss den yersef, boss
case voursc'f toIe lie jes' ter see cf l.
e fell one, White mans got ter git QUITE
= de bed mighty soon in de ma"nn t"
e beat me teIIn Oh lie, Iemme tell yer.
y -Lifflc Rock Ir0"elCr.
4 FRAUD.
A colorcd gentleman sought the si8n'
. service officer and said
"Got a little business fur yer.
! wants a pension an l wants yer ter gi
If me de papers.
81 have nothing to do with it. -
s.Ain't yer de man what has chare
:, oh de weather business ?"
:. eyes"
II .WaII, ycr's lie man I wants. l h;
! been crippled an wants Il pension
~ sides dat [ needs it powerful. l WI
- blowed agin Il tree 10y a storm. "
~ the government does not grant PEI
ii SONS in such cases
-, "Wall, lie storm was in de guher'me1
- - an Use a citizen"
=. "That makes no difference
>, sDen dis Establishment ob you'n is
~ fraud, sab. Go up dar an take dow
80 -, ver nuttcr wheel business an quit 4
= = ceibin' de cullud foxes. It takes IN;
w. so lone ter unerstan' dis Newuit,
O. States dat he'll die wild ole age fore
20 gets nuthin' outen it.'-Arkuao
he TrarCiicr.
al NO RELIEF THERE.
= The Chairman of the Committee
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