The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-02-16
HUyMOR.

A QUESTION for lawyers-ifa flea bites
a dog. and 40 enrages the animal that
the dog bites man, can the flea be IN
dicted as an accessory before the fact?'
AN old bachelor says: at is all non
sense TO pretend that love is blind.
never knew q man in love that did not
see ten times as much in his sweetheart
as I could.
A CHICAGO lover bet his girl that he
could tell what she was thinking of. He
Thought she was thinking of him, but
she wasn't. She was studying how to
make over an old dress so as to make it
look new.
WE are willing to take n certain
amount of stock in newspaper accounts
of Western cyclones, but when an Ar
kansas paper tells about zephyrs carry
ing a bed-quilt sixty miles, and then go
ing back for the sheet. we amt there
Chicago Times.
JANE" said father, II thought You
hated stingy people, and yet your young
man" "Why, pa, who said he was
stingy?" ooh. nobody" replied pa,
"only / could see he was little close as
/ passed through the room."
A GIRL shouldn't wear black belt
about her waist when she's got a white
dress on and is walking with young
man in the night time. 1t makes it APP
pear from rear view as If her fellow
had his arm around her waist.
A Missouri maidens mistake: One
of the sweetest looking girls in the
State of Missouri dislocated her shout
der the other day by kicking cat
Handsome is as handsome does, but she
should not kick with her right arm.
THE deacon's son was telling the min
lister about the bees singing his pa, and
the minister inquired: "Stung your pa,
did they? Well, what did your pa say?"
"Step this waya moment" said the boy;
"Td rather whisper it to you. "-Er-
change.
In regard to dogs age: "How old
is that dog?" was asked of colored
man. eff he lives ter see de fifth OBJ
naixt June, sab, he will be de oldest dog
on de plantation" "And if he don't
live until then" Hell he dead, sah."
-Arkansd,0 Trdreler.
$50 YOU call your place a theater?
Do you have any melo-drama perform
ances? 2" II have 'em every night. I
keep bar, and after talin' dram or
so between the dances the boys get
meller, and their performances are
meller drama as ever you saw in your
life"
"THAT butter is all right" said
clearinghouse keeper; at is firkin
butter, and tastes little of the wood,
that's ALL" "If that's the case" replied
the boarder, who is q contractor, II
should like to get some of that wood to
make railroad bridges out of. "-PhiL0-
delphid Ne,cs.
Mrs. PETER SCHINsKY is one of those
Austin ladies' who take much better care
of their animal pets than they do Of
their children. She has got a pet pood-
lie by the name of Fido. Yesterday Mrs.
Schinsky's little boy, Bob asked his
mother: "Shall / give Fido this piece
of sugar he is begging for?" "No, my
child, it might spoil his teeth. Eat it
yourself, Bobby."-Teras SJtings.
A BosToN woman received telegram,
and her face blanched and her hand
trembled as she held the unopened en-
velope before her Giving it to her
daughter, she said: "Read it." The
girl obeyed. papa has broken his leg
and gone to the hospital" she said.
The mothers face brighted. "Thank
heaven it is no worse" she said;
81 feared he might be going to bring
somebody to dinner~
Mrs. FIrz NICKEL aspires to be as
fashionable as any of her swell" neigh
bors. She was telling lady visitor the
other morning that she had just en-
gagged very efficient, experienced, and
high-priced French cook. While her
friend was congratulating her upon her
new acquisition, the French cook in
serted her head within the doorway and
asked: "Shure, missus, an shall pale
the praties or bile 'em wild their jackets
on?''
HELLO" exclaimed an Arkansaw man,
meeting friend. II congratulate you
on your success in working the Gov
ernor." "How working the Governor
"Why, 1 heard that the old man had
pardoned you out of the penitentiary."
al was never in the penitentiary."
"Well, by George, let me see.
heard something about YOU" Heard
that 1 have quit drinking probably"
perhaps that was it. knew that it
was something that concerned your
character. Sorry that you have fallen,
/ was just going in to take drink"
although l have fallen, / can reclaim
myself I'll take drink with you."-
Arkdnsd,c Traveller.
Wur.Nr Ala Lie R,nLo,. XX;ll.orforno