Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-11-09
Squibs.

The wealthy and aristocratic Mrs
Jewell, who is stopping at summer
hotel, and has been making some in
quiries of one of the walters in regard
to procuring the services of laun-
dress, opens her door in answer to a
loud and imperative knock just before
dinner time, and discovers Mrs. Ma
honey on the threshold Mrs
Mahoney: "Shure an are you the
woman that was shpakin' to one of the
hotel jintleman about gettin' a lady
to wash for you"
Some short time ago woman was
band home, and as she pulled him
along the street, her words and actions
were so tender that citizen halted
and said: ''Well, all drunkards' wives
haven't your disposition. ''S-h-h /!
don't say anything" she replied in
whisper. I've got TO call him pet
names to get him home, but wait till
he drops into the house-be there
then.
Great Certificate Dear Doctor, l
will be 175 years old next October.
For ninety-four years | have been an
invalid, unable to move except when
stirred with lever. But year ago
last Thursday l heard of the 'Sirup.
| bought bottle, smelt the CORK, and
found myself new man. | can now
run twelve miles and half an hour,
and throw nineteen somersets without
stopping. :"
When you mount the platform be
puzzled to know where to put your
hat. Look around as though you
were quite cool and collective, and
suddenly put your hat on the floor.
Turn then to the audience, pass your
fingers lightly through your hair, asd
say: Fellow citizens I"-extend yodr
right hand-put your left on your
vest, on whichever side it is your pri-
yate opinion your heart lies swell
out your chest as though all the God
desses of Liberty in the world had left
their respective countries, but had
taken board and lodging in your eX-
pansive bosom and were now strug
Cling to find their way out at the
front door Repress their generous
efforts for awhile, and then out with
them in a blaz of glory. The effect
will be tremendous.
a new taste in men and women
She: What fne-looking man Mr..
O'Brien is,n He: H IN hah-rather
rough-hewn, | think. Can't say that
| admire that loudlaughing, strong
voiced, robust kind of man. Now,
that's fine looking woman he's talk
ing to- She: ''Well-er somewhat
effeminate, you know. Confess !
don't admire effeminate women"
Ethel: 81 can't see what Maud can
see in that ungainly, awkward Capt.
Heavitres. Madge: my dear it's
becoming perfectly absurd. Only
think, the gardner told the cook yes
terday that he hoped the Captain
would stay for another fortnight, for
positively there was no necessity to
roll the gravel walks while they kept
perpetually promenading up and
down."
Murphy heard COWS in his orchard
the other night, and, slipping out the
back way, appeared suddenly near the
front steps and yelled; ''He-ah Tige!
He-ah Tige! He-ah!" Just then a
Dgufe rusneu past, cledreu TWO leIcts'
and vanished in the gloom. Take
'em. take en- screamed the old
man; but his daughter Miranda, who
had unaccountably appeared on the
scene, secured the dog by the collar
and refused to let go. what ye
doin'5n yelled the old man; don't
We know them cows has been in here
three or four tirnesg' "Oh, pa" was
the answer, but this was only
calf" The old man was pacified, but
Adolphus. who was standing out IN
the road waiting developments, wasn't
and Miranda will never understand
the coldness that has sprung up be-
tween them.