The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1883-01-03
E-PLuRIBUs-UNIoN
Pro Bono Pubilco /! In hoe Signet
vIncemus ct Perpetuamus!
(Continusd from last ueek,)

saith the Scripture. out II does not hean
the Brethren alone, for in another chap
ter Il says-'E IS not goal Jor any man
10 Ire alon~r' The term Brethren
| was meant tn include the Sisters, also
for the B-e,hrcn naturally embrace the
| Sisters.-a- been the custom from the ear
! lest ages. Besides, you know that when
a Legislative orator exclaims-"-y Dear
E,IY0u Crt,zens'' he refers not only totho
Democrats. but also to any poor benlght
ed Republicans who may be suspected OF
a Willingness to bolt their ticket and gulp
ours. IN. B.-This has no reference t"
the Ransom Dortch contest)
Now. in urging the housekeeping ar
rangement, the prophet evidently referr-
ed to ''s~traight-out marriage Because
how could the pantalooned and pettlcoat
ed Brethren dwell together in unity, I'M
less they had been united? Or course
not the idea, Why society wouldn't
tolerate it. And when Society with a
big s. puts down her foot,-the hoot'
weigh about a ton Selahl That is. you
know, unless a body is very rich, and
can keep a big gold shutter over both OF
her eyes, and a steal plate SHE'D fof
your back, as lining fer your fashionable
steel pen coat.
There can be no mistake about the
scriptural Injunction respecting MARI
mony. III is better TO ntnr,y than 10
bum, says St. Paul, but this must
be a mis- print, for freeze. lie meant 10
lnculcate that young folks had better
get married,-even at the risk Of burning
their fingers, than to shiver and freeze
all winter in a bacheloric garnet, with coal
at 50 a ton, and wood 20 high that it costs
a quarter of a dollar ju-t to ask tt rural
millionaire -ethcr he can't throw in
the mule and cart for good measure
when he brings Bankruptcy upon you and
your houses by selling you his seven
small sappy sapiings.
BY the by, We don't think We shall ever
be able to forgive old Miss Eve! Her
ridiculous fondness for apples and cider
was what started all this trouble. If she
had only just been content with oranges
and pickles and cucumbers aud things
instead of scooting down to the orchard,
10 lean ON the fence and swap apples and
gossip with old Nickodemus, there
would have been no need of stoves nor
ovcrcoats, nor gum shoes, nor such-hkc
SORROWS of the poor. We could all
wear a palm-leaffan pasted on top of our
heads for full dress suits, or a twist Of
straw around the neck for every day cos
tune; while our gentler partner
would always be sufficiently arrayed
in their own loneliness, supplimen-
ted on special occasions bya small but
fashionable fg-leaf polonaise-a Ia
Madame Eve. Alas! for the days that
are gone!-the good old times befo' de
wah |"
Well then, insomuch as all authorities,
prophets, principalities and powers that
Be,-not excepting the Railroad Syndi-
Gates and Senatorial Successorists, ARE
united ia favor of 'Unity," and Home
government and whereas there seems
little likelihood Of the Legislature doing
anything to stimulate Immigration
becomes a patriotic duty for the Press
to foster the Dough-mess tic Coalition
Movement to the utmost extent. But
how? Of course the best and only way is
by showing that matrimony is-"fash-
ionable." Nine in ten of the girls
now-a days marry, not because they are
specially anxious for housekeeping, but
chiefly because the other girls are doing
so,-and they imagine that they must
either be caught ~surreptitiously sewing
upon mysterious pillow cases and
''table-napkin>" (so-called) or else be ac-
counted old maids and out the Fashion!
1t is said that any batch Of a dozen
brides maids will turn out half a dozen
brides, ''ere the bloom is off the rye"
and it certainly does seem as if the sight
of one love of a bonnet" orange-flower
trimmed, will obscure the memory Of
ninety-nine miserable NJ ,tches, and forty
four years o fyawning yawn-ui!
Finally, Brethren and Sisters, harsen
unto me and be of good cheer! THERE'S
no need for fear about the Fashion. All
over creation the fashion is to get mar
ried, and just abo. IT this time. In proof
of it we collect another list Of good old
fashioned North Carolina Connubial-
Ties. And there's plenty CT room for
more.
Then come up, young folks: waltz-uD,
roll up, tumble up, any way SO you get
up! Now is the timel Start the musicl
Choose your partners! Promenade
Bridesmaids! Parsons to the front!
Parents on the left All hands round !
Ar. you two ducks both Of ono feather:
Are yoa bound to paddle your pool together?
Win your love shed water. in all sorts o'weather:
Can ysu tie for liz and not feel tn. tsther?
Then Bless your souls you belong to each o.her!
All .. X! Two-and "a couple Be good
to yourselves! Also to the children! Send
a nice chunck of cake to the Editorl Pay
your subscription Amenl A-woman
Next couple forward, in line /!
INTERESTING NUPTIAL NEWS.
Charlotte Journal says: Esquire r.
A Terrence was called upon about 10
o'clock Thursday right to perform the
the pleasant duty of uniting a runaway
couple Mr.. +. l.. Thornburg and Miss
Jenny A. Coley, who confessed blushing-
ly that they had only a short while be-
fore started like thieves in the night from
the house of the brides father. They
we're united by the genial Squire and