Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-21
lStraOalima Witticispts.

Precocious boy (munching the fruit of
the date tree): Mamma, if 1 eat dates
enough, will l grow up to be an almanac?"
Bitter reflection by an Industrious and
frugal mendicant: Here am-I've been
a beggar for 20 years, and amt rich yet!'
''Oh why art thou not near me. oh my
love!" sang q seranaGer in Glasgow, the
other night; and yet when the girl, who was
leaning too far ont of the window lost her
balance and dropped right on him, the
fellow acted as confused a. could be.
Some men cannot stand success.
A philosophical son of E7in was over
heard saying to a friend: Have a good
time while you live, for you're long while
deadp'
A pint of whisky put in fruit-cake will
keep it for six months, and the same
amount put in man will keep him down
town till two in the morning.
prisoner, why die you kill your wife ?''
because life with her had become unbear-
able" ''You should have separated from
her." II had promised that would never
desert her while she lived"
At breakfast the other morning a New
York dude declined piece of shad. He
had been told that fish food made brain,
and he didn't want to unfit himself for the
position he occupied in society.
A Pennsylvania inventor has evolved a
new rat trap, in one end of which is mir
ror. This may do for the female rats, but
when male rat notices that the bait looks
double he will think he has had enough and
go home.
A few years ago, fat fellow asked old
Sir Francis Burdette, while in Parliament,
for some position, saying; Don't you re-
member me? 1 used to be page" "Well,"
responded Sir Francis, ''you have grown
into volume"
Young wife, discussing her first dinner
party: well, then, Hannah, how shall we
have the mushrooms cooked?" Cook:
swell, mum, yer go inter society more than
1 do; yer ought ter be able to give me a
suggestion"
"Where are Your kids?" society man
asked, looking at the bare hands OF a poor
but deserving editor at a Vanderbilt party.
cat home in bed" was the indignant reply.
''Do you suppose I'd bring my children to
party like this!"
Chicago's latest: A baby named High
E. Jones. His mother is a local choir
singer and she distinguished herself just
before her present temporary retirement
by singing that note. Now she celebrates
the achievement.
Bridget: Sand how much the pale young
lady that sat mkt the military gintleman
resimbled her fatherw Dennis: "Indade!
it's meeself that remarked that same to
Mary! I should have known she was his
daughter if I'd niver laid eyes on him"
"They say Charley has married. Do
you know his wife? Is she woman of in
telligepce? Is she well-inf ormed? "Well
informed? Well, should say so. She
has belonged to the village sewing circle
for ten years and never missed a meeting"
Sympathetic dry-goods clerk: "What
are you crying for, little girl? Have you
lost something's" Child holding up some
samples of silk: "No-o-o, sir; but the
man at that other counter cut such big
notches in 'em, sir, that they're no use at
lin the quilt"
Mrs. Jones-"Ah! and good morning to
you, Mrs. Smith. Did you like the cream
I sent your" Mrs. Smith-"Oh, very much
thank YOU Mrs. Jones-"Yes; and if
you could let me have the pot sent it in,
you'd oblige me, COS, you see, it's my old
mans shaving mug, and he don't like no
other"
Gen. Butler took some friends out riding
one day last fall at his country seat in an
old family carriage that looked as if it had
come out of the ark. General" said one
of the party, wherever did you get this
trap?" ut is my father's," said Butler,
laughing, sand has been in the family fifty
years; but they say around here that stole
it at New Orleans"
"You can't add different things togeth-