The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-07-25
The Scat in Politics.

It will probably be news to many
people that the Democrats have
fought the fight Of 1884 in advance,
and are now engaged in parcelling
out the plunder. OF course in such
anticipated conflicts the Democrats
sweep the country. They always
do. They can reach year ahead
and determine a national campaign
better than party that ever existed.
They are able to put down in black
and white the very States they in
tend to carry, and they always caryr
four or five more States than they
need, ,outof sheer momentum. Once
they begin to carry States they are
unable to stop. Ifthere happens to be
a Republican State in the path of
the advancing column Of Democra-
cy, the captains shout, Seat = and
the path is swept clear Of obstruc-
tons.
Some may remember that the
same Joyous warriors won the victo-
~ of 1864 in 1863, while the victory
OF 1868 was similarly won by the
Democrats in 1866. On the latter
occasion they were able to figure
out a famous Democratic victory IN
1866.
On the latter occasion they were
shle to figure out a famous Demo-
cratic triumph two years in advance
of the fringof a gun. The arithme-
tic man got down to business early,
and held on with a devotion not
enough to be admired up to within
Eve weeks Of the election. And
then he changed his mind, and in a
most provoking bulletin invited
Messrs. Seymour and Blair to with
draw. There was an error IN
figures which escaped the glance of
the Democratic lightning calculator,
and threw the entire calculation into
confusion. The same thing had hap
pened in 1864, but nobody seemed
to remember it. And though the
oracle lied again in 1866, and de-
clared that the Democrats could not
see an inch beyond their noses, the
lightning calculator came up smiling
and confident in 1871, and figured
out a glorious victory in 1872,
But in October of that year another
error in figures was discovered, and
victory perched on the standards Of
the other party.
About that time the cool-headed
Democrats discovered that they had
been basing their calculation on
popular favor, which accounted for
the fatai errors of which mention
has been made They discovered
that figures really pertain to dollars
and cents, and that they must be APP
piled to the cold cash in order 10
signify anything in political conflict.
So finding the fact, the millionaires
put their heads together and devised
new arithmetic. Having found a
man with barrel of money, and
man willing to put the barrel on tap
at the convention, they proceeded
with their estimate. The plan work
ed well. The barrel became plus
candidate as it became minus cash,
and there was a halcyon time in
deed. \ bureau Of nincompoos was
created, and from that point the
entire Democratic press OF the coun-
try was furnished with brains. The
brains were not very good, but they
put some life into dead guild, and
they made it possible to read the en-
tire list of Democratic papers in any
sheet Of that persuasion one might
pick up. 1t was at rlumph OF figures
applied to the DESIGNATION OF a barrel
OF money. And it came near win
ming, and would have won but for
some bungling with Cronin's nose
and a careless use of United States
documents. Is Unnecessary to speak
of what happened in 1880? The ar
ithmetic man picked his flint again
year in advance, and demonstrat-
ed the certainty of a Democratic tri-
umph in 1880. There was no doubt
about it. And the same sanguine
chap is new ready with the figures
to prove that Democratic success in
1SS4is a oneconciusion. Prob
ably il amuses the children, and 1t
doesn't hurt grown folks. Figure
away. The voting comes off next