The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-06-01
VOL. XXVIII---NO. ~.
VARIETIES.

The champion light weight-a grocers
pound.
when Music, heavenly maid, was
young" she never comic ballads sung.
The old proverb, "Where there's a will
there's way" has been revised to suit the
situation. 1t now reads: "Whcn there's a
bill we're away"
Mark Twain, lecturing on the Fiji islands,
offered to show how cannbals ate their food,
ifany lady would len him baby The lee.
turc had to go on unillustrated.
Money does everything for man." said
an old gentleman pompously YES" replied
another man, "but money won't do as much
for man as some men vii! do for money"
The Emira Gaeette of tells a woman who
| applied for place rs driver. Can YOU
manage mules p asked an employer 81
| should smile she said. "pve had two hus-
bands"
"A poor excuse is better than none. We
heard OF n man who justilies his meanncss
towards his wife by asserting that he and she
are one, and therefore by refusing her money
he practices the heroic virtue of sclf-denial.
An elderly resident of Newport was an.
preached by an agent for a cyclopeda II
guess won't get one" said the elderly res
ident; and frankly added Il know never
could learn to ride one of the pesky things"
ooh! dear" exclaimed Miss Flight 81
should think those actors would get tired 10
death, saying the same things night after
night" And yet Miss Flight apparently
never tires of saying the same things day af-
ter day and year after year,
"A member ola fashionable congregation
called ut music store and inquired: "lIave
you the notes of q piece called the Song of
Solomon :? adding, "Our pastor referred to
it yesterday AS an exquisite gem, and my wife
would like to learn TO play it,"
Us your wife a Democrat or q Repub-
cam" asked one Rocllland citizen ofanother.
recently. "Shes neither" was the prompt re.
Spouse, and then glancing cautiously around
and sinking his voice to II hoarsc whisper, he
explained. She's Home Ruler"
The severe work to which colts are put be-
fore their constitutions are well matured is n
fruitful source of disease and deformitv.--
Horses should not be put to heavy work be.
fore their fourth year, and if they were con.
fined to light work until their fifth year they
would he the better therefor the remainder
of their lives.
-"Johnny,' said the schoolmstrcss, ''you
have been very naughty boy now go and
stand in the corner with your face to the
wall until | tell you you may 90 to your
scat" please, ma'am," said johnny, "ifI
face to the wall l'll have to turn my back to
youand the scholars. Won't that he rudc?"
The boy was excused.
"A famous North Carolina clergyman
preaching a few Sundays ago from the text
"llc givcth His beloved sleep" stopped in
the middle of his discourse, gazed upon
his slumbering congregation and said:
"Brethrcn, it is hard to realize the unbounded
love which the Lord appears to have fora
large portion ofmy auditory"
"A new baby recently arrived in the fami-
lily OLA Louisville Journalist, and papa was
excessively proud over the event Turning
to the old black nurse, "Aunty," said he,
slroking the little pate, "this boy seems 10
havea journalistic head" ooh" cried the
untutorcd old Aunty, soothngly, "never you
mind bout dat; datl come all riGht in time
Here is Il Texas society note: The beau
titul and accomplished Miss FIyhigh was so
unfortunate at the ball last evening as to be
bitten ON her plump, snowy shoulder by
vicious mosquito. The young lady mmC-
diately tainted, but was resusctatcl and is
now doing well. The mosquito was captured
by four of the young gentlemen present,
taken ont side and decaptaicd with meat
axe.
Landlord to tcnant--"Good morning,
sir; fine day, just called around TO see if it
would be convenient 10 settle your quarters
rent, sir" Tcnant-"Did, eli? Do you know,
landlord, that none of the doors in this house
will slIut?' Landlord-"New house, sir;
new house, you know; takes time to settle"
Tenant" H. then there's n nair nt us I'm,