Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-09-12
PLEASANTRIES,

"a.
"@BosToNIANs don't say vacation"
they call it "outing. ~. Y. Com.
The Maori doesn't remember whether
he was struck by cyclone or tornado.
NJ Y. Com.
THE Zulu chief has not been set away,
Oh on the shelf just yet Bloomfield
~ ~ Citizen.
a PHILADELPHIA paper thinks there is
q widespread conviction that this coun-
try should be put on ice Immediately.
A SAILOR is called an old salt because
the minute he gets on shore he is in a
pickle. Philadelphia Bulletin.
| A KANSAS CITY man slept with cooked
revolver under his pillow. He uses the
telephone with only one ear now.-EG.
Z" GIVE me synonym for lying" said
the teacher. "Circus poster" promptly
replied the biggest boy in the classy.
| Y. Conn.
ALABAMA boasts of watermelon with
a complete map of the world on it's sur
face. The cholera districts are strongly
outlined. Burlington Free Press.
A NEWPORT man is so near sighted
that he futs with his own wife. It's no
wonder her resemblance to his mother
in-law did not put him on his guard.
A NORWEGIAN was killed the other
day while climbing over fence to get a
drink. Moral-Always pass the bottle
under the fence -PbilndelpJ5i0 Press.
STATISTICS show that boy babies are
more apt to die than girl babies. No
wonder; the poor little fellows are
spanked harder and more frequently
ET.
The scientist of the Boston Tran
as follows: Bull on one side, bear on
the other, and a little lamb in the mid
de-"
EMORY SToBRs is said to possess 300
neckties. What advantage to him if he
gain a thousand neckties and loses his
own collar button under the bureau p
Nee0 York Graphic.
A TEACHER in Philadelphia, overhear-
ing a young lady say that the warm
weather made her "sweat, reproved
her by saying: "My dear, bear in mind
that horses sweat, men perspire, and
young ladies get in glow"
IT is mean wretch who will slyIy
drop hair-switch In car loaded with
women, and then smile as he sees every
woman make a grab at the back of her
head when she notices 1t.
A ST. LOUIS man is said to have flesh
so tough that walnuts can can be cracked
against it without hurting him. He
might make money be letting himself
out to large hotel as a nut cracker
LOaUeU Citizen.
A MEMPHIS girl was committed to
Y0riSor1 of no IF boy- re
persisting IN running after bass singer
belonging to a colored minstrel troupe.
jailed for fishing for black bass.-P1biL-
GdekphiG Herald.
A MEDICAL gentleman, speaking of the
bite of mosquito, says that " the sail
vary duct In other Diptera leads him to.
believe that the hypopharynx of Culex
contains duct that pours out its poi
sonous saliva" Policel-BoS. Post.
PRESIDENT GREW is fond of going
into the kitchen and bossing the cook
~ Y Journal. Thereby reversing the
usual order of things. The cook gen
orally bosses the gravy. 1--we were the
cook we'd gravy the boss. = Boston
Star.
"IAM trying to break myself of slang
phrases" said the Centralville girl,
"and have been for some time. But
actually used the word racket to-day
before I thought, and I'm so ashamed of
myself. You won't give it away, will
you ?''
AN enterprising exchange rushes into
print with the startling information that
"Caligula, the Roman emperor, was
born on August 31st, in the year ~.
Unfortunate man! The probabilities
are that he is dead now.-NoyGistoU2s
Herald.
"THE smell OF fresh paint IN a room
may be effectually gotten rid Of by plac-
ing therein pail of water in which a
few onions have been sliced" says an
exchange To take away the smell of
the onions, burn the house down. Oil
City Derrick.
MANY of our first families who have
been living at fashionable hotels all
summer must, on their return home,
come down again to diet of salt mack
erel and boiled potatoes IN order to save
money enough to go away next year
YoqakerS Gazette. .a
MISS SUSAN 3. ANTHONY will reach
home from Europe next month, and will
at once begin work on the third volume
of her history of woman suffrage. Susan
does not intend to get left. There is no
woman suffrage yet to speak of; but
history of it in three volumes can do no
harm.
IT seems that mackerel just caught
at StoningtoD, Conn, has cast up dia-
mond valued at $500. If we were the
fortunate owner of the fish we would
keep him sick at his stomach if we had
to hold with both hands and pour it
down his throat.-ROche8ter Post Eu-
press.
PISTOLS at a picnic; The coverlet of
green bedecked with crimson flow
While Asa Barley and Lemuel Hughes
make battle toe to toe-With shattered
limb and wounded wrist the Hughes go
to grassland the pistol and club lay
Asa out, and his fghtirg Gays are past
Toe nails smothered in powdered gore
And the like was never seen before
Vanceburq (Kg0 Courier.
FIFTY cents quart is what a Utica