The Osceola times., 1883-07-21

lsnguid drawl;
Awatch too big;
A cane to small;
A"swccl' mustaehe
pompsdouf
A dude is this,
And nothing more,
Toronto Globe
The most useful thing in long run
Breath.
Amended proverb-"Fine birds make
fine feathers"
A pair of stairs is queer thing 1t has
only one foot.
Girls we love for what they are; young
men for what they promise tobe.
The man who asserts that there was a
place for everything probably never was
called on to locate boil.
"women never become baldheaded."
Well, they weren't made TO go to variety
theatres that's the reason.
When are certain persons who travel
in France like dissipated Young men
When they arc on the road 10 Roucn.
"Whisky did IL, but I'll never touch
another drop" said the murderer on the
gallows as the sheriff pulled the trap.
Jersey waists and Jersey cows are all
popular Just now. But the old prejudice
against Jersey mosquitoes still exists.
"Whv are these flats called French
flats % "To distinguish them from Amer
lean fats" "What are American 1ats?"
"The people that live in French fats
Investigator" wants TO know what is
good for cabbage worms. Bless your
heart, man, cabbage, of course. good
plump cabbage will last several worms a
week.
Remember who you are talking to,
sir" said father to his fractious boy.
lam your father" "Well, who's TO blame
for that?" asked young impertinence.
at amt me-"
The meanest man we have heard of
this season IL the fellow who telegraphcd
his sympathy to friend who had lost
everything in speculation, and made him
pay for the message.
where did you get your wonderful
power of language ?" asked an admiring
HuultOI At tilt tlONt vi tiit itttuIt. VII,
replied the lecturer, with laugh, 81
used to work in BARRIERS shop"
A negro baby was born in Georgia re-
Gently which weighed only a pound and
quarter, and ''lterary feller," hearing
of the circumstance, remarked that il was
funny how anything so dark could be SO
light.
"Why did you run away from your
wife," Because she poisoned my very
existence" "Then, how did you come to
take a second wife, if the first one pois-
oned your existence Ill took
her as antidote."
When an Arkansas man let it be known
that he was going to ride over to the
corners to slay man who had sold him
spawned mule, four of his neighbors
went along to see the killing and have
chance to draw pay as witnesses.
At spiritual circle man had his hair
pulled so hard by spirit that it gave
him the headache. He went home in
great anxiety, expecting TO find that his
wife had died suddenly during the night
the hair-pulling was SO natural.
Rev. DIR. Longpray What, sir, Fur
nish you with copy of my sermon to
publish? No, sir ! should not like to
see it in your paper" Reporter-"Now,
doncher chew soap for nothin,' Gully |
Well fix il up soze yer won't know it
yerself.'
as Miss Blank at homer" asked a
faultlessly attired bore of new girl.
The girl took from her pocket a photo
graph, carefully scanned it, and after an
other look at the features of the visitor.
answered: "No, sor she has gone TO
Europe" He left.
A young man at Reno has invented a
patent attachable bite-prooi trousers seat
for cosrting and apple-stealing. 1t is
composed of stout wire netting, and the
patentee says the best part Of the fun is
in picking out the dogs teeth after one
gets home.
The other day Paris lady abruptly
entered her kitchen, and she saw the
cook skimming the soup with silver
spoon. She said TO her. "Francoise. ex-
pressiy forbade you TO use silver in the
kitchen" "But, madam, the spoon was
dirty
Host (really in agony about his pol.
ished inlaid tioor)-"Hadn't you better
come on the carpet, old fellow? Pm su
afraid you might slip, you know. y
Guest with wooden leg)-"Oh, it's all
right, old fellow-thanks There's nail
in the end, you know"
"Woman's ightsw exclaimed Phila.
delphia man when the subject was
broached. "What more rights do they
want? My wife bosses me our daugh.
tiers boss us both. and the servant girl
bosses the whole family. It's time the
men were allowed some rights"
An old bachelor, who professed that
he didn'twant to live always, was taunted
with the fact that his doctors bills were
the largest known in the village. well
YOU numbssGll," he yelled isn't that con.
elusive proof that don't want to live al
waysY
"The last link is broken" the fellow
said when he kissed his girl good-bv for
ever at her request. because her parents
wished dissolution. A few davs after
he received note saying Dear George
There are plenty more links come and
break them"
An awful mash,
little crash
Two hearts that beat as one
Amt got cent
To pay the tent
rol darn II, where's the fun
Apartment reason for remaining sircl,
was gwen by young lady of twenty
whose friends tried to persuade her tc
wed man of fifty. "He was neithe,
H. a. Al