The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-07-27
WIT AND HUMOR,

| "hei al pOoT IclioW begins gong To
the dogs. he is quickly bounded down.
Mrs. Darlington, dear old lady, says
that there are very few people nova
days who suffer from suggestion of the
brain"
An Iowa editor, being asked by II cor
respondent if hogs paid, has looked over
his subscription list. and decided that
they do not.
"Fm saddest when sing" lamentcd
the poet. but if he could have sung for
$4,000 night he would doubtless have
been saddest when he couldn't sing.
Patti says music belongs To heaven,
but the Rochester Post Express thinks
80, 900 night u hades of price to pay
for it,
Aberdeen has granite enough to sup
ply every person in Great Britain with
tombstone, and is rather anxious To
do it,
''Are you Owen BROWNE" asked Il
Harlem man of gentleman he met
yesterday. Eyes, | am OWN Brown,
but what business is it of yours if !
amp
The fat PittsburSher who sat down
upon and ilattened out a lot of tin meas
urcs ut Il grocery store, the other even
ing, has gone To Colorado to accept Il
position rs II quartz-crusher.
A man in the central Office of the tel
ephone company says that the noise
there is different from Il young lady ut
Il party, for one is Il ball room belle and
the other is u bell room bawl.
Jacob Schneider ran away with Hans
Breitenbock's wife. Upon being inter
viewed the husband said: dot is the
best way not to speak Il little about il.
But pities Yacob Schneider"
What decoration is that you are wear
iGgP' said an Austrian Sergeant TO
new recruit. The man blushed deeply
and responded Its II medal our COW
won ii II cattle-show,
An Iowa woman, the other day, I'M
dertook to drive Il tack, and not only
| knocked her thumb rs flat rs apancaEe,
but broke her scyenty-dollar mirror be-
| hind her
The new license bill recently passed
by the Ohio State Legislature imposes
tax of $500 upon spirtUalistic me-
| ululliS. i hlo II u uhiiuc way w Siiihc
the happy medium.
I'VE know thee, gentle spring." sings
a poet. Indeed, but this poet would be-
n good fellow To take along at a mas
qucrade. He could penetrate most any
disguise.
A belle, who six months ago was SD
languid that she could scarcely support
herself at the altar, now throws Il Hat
iron iifty-six feet and hits her husband
every time.
| When the minister announces, "The
collection will now be taken up" every
Irish lnvincible in the congregation
instinctively rises in his seat and turns,
hat i'm hand, to his nearest neighbor
When you see a man walking along
the public thOrOughfares, with bowed
head, apparently "buried in thought"
YOU can size him up rs 4 humorist. Any
man who is always buried in thought
never has any grave feelings.
Summer boarders that have been as
signed to the top floor Of an old-fashion
cd farmhouse for II term Of weeks
unite in the opinion that such buildings
are erected on the principle of hide
roast attics.
.Oh, dear" exclaimed Edith to her
| doll, Il do wish you would sit still. |
never saw such an uneasy thing in my
life. Why don't you act like grown
people and be still and stupid for
| awhile"
Samuel Gum was recently arraigned
| in local court for intoXication. When
he shot his breath at the Judge the lat
ter remarked that it was evidently Il
muzzle-odor, but he couldn't permit q
discharge.
He stood before her holding both her
hands in his and he asked softly ''Why
am like railroad train?" because
YOU never get anything to eat?' No
my own, it is because l hold two
wrists"
"Was at the club last night; had
haaHEi"g s.I ai HnmssrIlsy ri Rsn SUPPOSE GSs
you have Il fine headache this morning.
A headache generally follows stuffed
club you know"
What u dirty coat that is, said Mrs
Clearly; lit looks as though all the rag
pickers in town had had it on their
backs" Then suppose" suggested
Clcaniy, THAT you would call it u coat
of many cullers."
The average young man in New York
might as well emigrate. Judge ArnouX
has decided that ice cream saloons may
be kept open Oh Sunday. Evidently
the Judge wants to discourage gallantry
ia the metropolis. The Drummer,
Mr.. Swineburne has written poem
on the death of Richard Wagner. The
amount of damages the great compos-
er's heirs will sue for is not stated: but
1t is believed that it will he less than
81, OOO. GOO, anyhow.
At Sarah Bernhardt's tea the other
day certain Count appeared with one
arm in sling, having wounded himself
while out shooting. "Really?' quoth
the sympathetic Sarah, $50 there was
no other game?'
Professor Swift offers 5000 to the dis
cOverer of each comet during the pres
ent year. Wemay be able to avail our
sslf Of tins point some Gight when eA-
cnses for being out late run dry.-LoW-
ell Citizen.
" oou IL iouSH ou SidIi, JtSt us Sllo
was telling Frederic at lunch how
ethereal her appetite was, to have the
cook bawl out: Say! will yer have
yer billed pork and beans now, or wait
till yer feller's gomez"
An editor wrote headline "A HOr-
rible Rlnnder," to 90 over a railroad
accident; but though IL was the printers
fault that it got over an account of Il
wedding, the editor was the man thrash
ell all the same.
When cowboy goes into newspa-
per-Oiiicc IT, demand satisfaction the
editor always explains that the assistant
who wrote that article "has just gone
out to kill man, but will he back in II
few minutes" The cowboy never waits.
Aother survivor of Balaklava is dead
i'm England. Thus they are falling, the
"noble six hundred" by the ruthless
hand of Time by the end of this cen
tuary, probably. there will not be more
than nine hundred of them left.
II is said that Mile. Etelka Berry, who
will soon appear in this country as
star, eats but one meal day, walks ten
miles each day, swings Indian clubs,
toys with lO0-pound dumb-bclls and
boxes like u prizc-fighter. We should
think that Mile. Berry might be quite
capable of managing her manager,
A full set of ivory poker checks were
dug up from the ruins Of Pompeii the