davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Yankee Wit.

Many years ago, Pittsburg iron firm pur-
chased lot of bOmbshells for old iron.
The shells were not loaded, but in order to
melt them, it was necessary that they should
be broken up. This was attempted with a
sledge hammer, but the laborers made but
little progress, and it was finally given up as
a bad job. One day a long, slim Yankee
came along and said:
Il understand you have job here for a
man."
"Yes," was the reply, Eve want that pile
of bombs out there broken up"
How much will you pay ?"
1--WE will give you flip apiece (six and a
quarter cents if you will agree to break
them ALL"
"I'll take the contract" answered the
Yankee
The day was cold one and the ther-
mometer down to zero, The man imme-
diately went to work, but disdained to take
the sledge hammer which was offered him.
The Yankee laid every bomb out ON the
ground with the hole up. He procured a
bucket and filled them with water; then he
made out his bill, came into the house, and
said he would call around in the morning
for the money. Every one was much mysti
fed, but in the morning their astonishment
was great. The water had frozen during the
night, and in the morning lot of scrap iron
was found, as the freezing water had broken
every bomb into at least dozen pieces.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Getting Information Under Diff culties
[Arkansaw Traveller.

Arkansaw Traveller
II do not see any popularity about you
people" said an Eastern Judge, addressin
his travelling companion, well known Ar
kansas lawyer. Il have travelled quite ex
tensively in this State, and / have not, a
yet, found that eccentricity of action ant
prevarication of reply that has often amuse'
me in the newspapers"
"You have done most of your travelling by
rail-" the lawyer replied. This is you
first trip away from the main roads, is i
not ?"
"Yes"
"Well, I'll show you some of our genuin
natives. YOnder is house. Call the land
lord and hold a conversation with him."
Hello" called the Judge.
"Comin'r' the man replied, depositing th'
child in the doorway. and advancing.
"Hows all the folks?'
"Children's hearty; wife's not well. Aim
what you might call bed-sick, bat jest sortel
stretchy."
"Got anything to eat in the house
"Ef had it anywhar, I'd have it in the
house"
''How many children have you?'
MANY as want"
'How many did you want?'
Want hankerin' arter powerful chance
but Pm satisfied"
"How long have you been living here Pr
TOO long
"How many years?
Been here ever since my Oldest boy was
born ?"
what year was lie BORN
THE year | come here
How old is your boy?
"Ef he had lived, he would have been the
oldest until yit; but, as he died, Jim's the
Oldest"
"How old is Jim ~
HE amt as old as the one what died"
We'll, how old was the one that died ~
"He was older than jim"
"What do you do here for living?"
Eat"
"How do you get anything to eat ?"
THE best way we kin"
"How do You spend your Sundays?"
Like the week days"
How do you spend Them"
Like Sundays"
us that your daughter yonder?'
NO. sir; she amt my daughter yonder,
nor nOwhar else"
us she relative of yours?"
mo sir; no kin"
"Kin to your wife, suppose ?"
mo kin to my wife, but she's kin to my
children"
"How DO you make that out 2n--
She's my wife"
"How far is it to the next house ?"
''Its called three miles, but the man what
calls it that is liar
"I've got enough" said the Judge, turn
ing to the lawyer. Drive on. l pity the
man who depends on this man for intorma-
ton
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Mules in Coal Mines,

When the new electric lights in the Big
Mountain colliery, near Shenandoah, were
first pub in operation seven dazed and daz-
zled mules, which for five years had seen nc
brighter luminary than Davy lantern
turned tailed and fled into the depth of the
mine. The workmen tell interesting stories
about the habits of the colliery mules, their
toughness, their content, and their total de-
pravity. Several months ago the lower
levels in one of the largest collieries at St.
Clair were flooded, work was stopped and
all the mules were hoisted to the surface.
More than dozen of them had passed
eleven continuous years in the mine, and
had apparently forgotten that there was a
world of grass and sunshine, for when they
huddled together in evident alarm, and for a
whole day did nothing but gaze on earth
and sky. The probability is that they were
at first blinded by the glare-a common ex-
perience with their kindred under similar
circumstances. Just as they were beginning
to enjoy their new life work was resumed in
the mines, and they went back to their old
home IN the darkness.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Insanity.s

1t is favorite theory with physicians who
study more particularly the insane to insist
that madness is catching, and that in a GER
tain sense it is epidemic. Whether long
brooding on injuries received gradually un-
dermine the reason of whole society is,
however questionable. The theory may suit
the case of the individual, but hardly that of
whole community. Nevertheless, history
shows that at times entire populations have
been seized with strange ideas, which to-day
seem to us very much like dementia Doc
tors tell us that the epidemic of frenzy is
more violent in woman than in man.
During the time of the Commune the women
were more fendish in their cruelty than the
men. Louise Michel, who has been recently
arrested, is to be subjected to rigorous
scientific examination. fhe story goes that
early intlife she was thwarted in her love,
and from that time lost her wits, and
preached crusade of blood and murder
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
The Uses of the Lemon.

AS writer in the London Lancet remarks,
few people know the value of lemon Juice
A piece of lemon bound upon corn will
cure it in few days; it should be renewed
night and morning. A free use of lemon
juice and sugar will always relieve cough.
Most people feel poorly in the spring; but if
they would eat lemon before breakfast
every day for week, with or without sugar,
as they like, they would find it better than
any medicine. Lemon juice used according
to the following receipt will sometimes cure
consumption: Put dozen lemons into cold
water and slowly bring them to boil boil
slowly until the lemons are soft, but not too
soft, then squeeze until all the juice is ex-
tracted, and sugar to your taste and drink
In this way use dozen lemons every day.
If they cause pain or loosen the bowels too
much, lessen the quantity and use only five
or six day until you are better, and then
begin again with dozen. After using five
or six dozen the patient will begin to gain
flesh and enjoy food. Hold on to the lemons
and still use them very freely several weeks
more
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
A KANSAS NURSERY.

The baby" we asked, as with mop and broo
its mother came to the ranch one day,
On, she's pcketed out across the way!
ldare not leave her alone in the room.
ana the busy mother looked for tub
mhe we saddled our horses and rode to see
II now the lonely baby Jared, while we
'iau stolen Its mother to sweep and scrub.
i"t lhe babies we were accustomed to
tould never have kept their silk and lace
u:And ana llttlc be-ribboned hats in place.
WIN only IA tree for nurse, we knew.
hat This Kansas baby had no hat;
Nhd nhd y laughed as if It thought silk and lace
n, you'd have been entirely out of place,
"" pralrle,-or, for the matter of that,
S"here else 1t could only go
b nne length of the rope; but its little feet
i, ""ercd about here the grass was sweet,
'''' AS II pleased: and tn at you know,
. more than the city babies do;
TrYr rnnnelcd under the city trees,
u.iiHVE are carried Just where the nurses please,
'"'h shouldn't like at all should you?
~ uought 1t over, it seemed to me
ant nai city darling has less to hope
T. PNeted out with invisible rope
somewhat less reliable tree.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Why Judge Black Uses the Weed.

Washington Correspondence New York World. ]
Not long ago Judge Black met gentle
man who pathetically related his endeavors
to break himself of tobacco chewing, as it
met with tie unqualified condemnation of
all civilized people.
You'll find it hard case-a hard Case,
my friend" replied the Judge with solemn
wink. "I tried to break myself of it once
didn't | ever tell you? Well, it was when
l was Attorney General, and l said to my
self: Jeremiah Black, we've got to stop
this thing So made up my mind, and
one morning | started down to my Office
without scrap of tobacco began the day
badly, and it got worse by degrees. I never
felt so much like savage in my life. dis
missed two clerks, bounced messenger,
made a fool of myself three or four times,
snapped at everybody, and started home,
feeling myself to be total failure and all
creation mistake. On the way | met a
man whom | respected very much. He was
religious man. told him my experience
with leaving off tobacco, and asked his ad-
vice. Judge he said. my experience is the
same as yours. | tried to leave off, too.
quarreled with several members of the
church l belonged to, thought the minister
was fool, got tired of my wife. and if |
had kept it upI should have been moral
monster-and | determined to circumvent
the old enemy by taking up my cherished
vice. and So" continued the Judge cheerily,
II saw that tobacco chewing was conducive
to virtue (cutting quid) propose to keep
it up until leave it off,"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
The Advice of a ReaufY.

"A celebrated beauty, whose complexion al
sixty was fresher than that of our women at
thirty, told me-" says correspondent of the
Washington Critic, "her secret this summer,
and it was divided into two parts. First,
she never used wash-rag or towel on her
face, but washed it with her hands, rinsing
1t off with soft sponge. She used clear
water in the morning. but white CASTLE soap
or very warm water at night, and after dry
ing it on a soft towel she would take a flesh
brush and rub her cheeks, chin and forehead.
Second, if she was going to be up late at
night she always slept as many hours in the
day as she expected to be up beyond her
usual time. She finished her little sermon
on beauty preservation by saying: Soft
water and sound sleep keep off wrinkles and
spots, and girls should give more attention
to this than they do for !.
With the coming of the crows foot
Is the going Of the beaux foot"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Something New in Store.

| policeman patrOlllng GratlOt avenue yes
terday was called into shoe shop, the pro-
prietor Of which is an honest, unsuspecting
burgher and asked:
Can you tell me if Sheneral Grant is still
! in der city?'
Grant! Why he hasn't been here in
year."
"Ish dat possible My trent wash der Bres
ident here about two weeks ago."
mo"
Wash der a pig riot down town tree
weeks ago, in which some Dutchmans got
kilt"
mo, sir"
"Vash dere some ferry boats got blowed
up?"
Never heard of any,"
My trent, ledt me ask one more question.
Vhas some orphan asylums all burned up
one night last week and all der leedle shil-
dren roasted like ducks in der oofen?"
"Of course not"
"Vhell dot explains to me. I haf poy
Shon. He vhas oudt nights, und he doan'
come home till two o'clock next morning
When ask him aboudt it he says some or
phan asylum burned down, or some ferry
boat blew oop, or Sheneral Grant vhas in
town und WANTS to see him. So dot poy has
been lying to me?"
Looks that way"
"Vhell, tonight he Will slip oudt as usual,
und by one o'clock he Will come creeping in.
1 shall ask him where he was all der time so
long, und he vhill say Sheneral Sherman
vhas in town. l shall tell him dot take
him out to the barn and introduce him to a
school house on fire, and when am all tired
oudt NIT clubbing him pellet dot poy vhill
see some shokes und sthay home nights. l
fought it vhas funny dot so much happens
all der time und dey doan' put it in der
Sherman bapers Vhell, vhell, wish dot it
wash night so l could pegin to show him dot
l am der biggest Sheneral of all
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
ON THE SEASHORE.

The light waves kiss the shifting sands,
Z he deep seas kiss the sky;
Oh, kiss me once, my only love,
And then, good -by-good-b by"
He kissed her upon cheek and chin,
And on her brow SO mild
But when he kissed her Oh the mouth
Each wept like wounded child.
"Oh, I'll go east and I'll go west,
Far over land and sea,
But never will my heart find rest
Until it rests with thee"
And I'll sit here from year to year,
Til my life'S stream runs dry;
But never face shall thine replace
My only love, eood-by.
He wandered cast, he wandered west,
He won gold, lands and fame,
\ gray head and weary heart
Then back to the old home came.
The ligh waves kissed the shifting sands
And sang the self-same song;
wonder where ; this silly lass
liked when WAS young"
He found her at the cottage door,
She smiled the same soft smile;
}ut when he talked of years to come,
She shut her eyes the while.
He kissed her upon cheek and chin,
tihcy lie. saying, Love grows oldD;
But when he kissed her on the mouth,
lie shivered at the cold.
He ciasped her to his lonely breast,
Beside the sunny sea;
He spake hundred passionate words,
But never word spake she.
lie loosed her from his longing arms,
That empty aye must be;
III never in this world find rest
Till rest in earth with thee"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Helena Montana Thursday, June IA, 1885.
Standing Treat.

t No American custom causes more general
surprise and amusement among foreign trav
elers than that which is known in oul
saloons as "treating"-consisting of the en-
tertainment of two or more with refresh
ment for which one volunteers to pay. 1t il
pure Americanism all over the republic il
is as common as in Europe it is unknown
There is probably no minute of the day in
the year when two or three hundred citizens
of any large city are not guzzling something
| stronger than water at somebody else's ex'
pense.
The casual meeting of two men who have
never exchanged a word together is signal
for both to instantly exclaim, Come, let's
have something" and for both to dive down
into the nearest subterranean cavity beneath
the sidewalk. The one who spoke fist
usually insists on paying for the Shots" the
word shot being metaphorical reference to
the deadly character of the contents usually
taken into the stomach. IT two friends
meet the regular thing to say first is Lets
drink to old times" and the resident most
most invariably treats the stranger.
If there is anything more absurd than the
habit, we are unable to put our finger on it.
Men do not always treat each other to car
tickets because they happen to meet on the
same seat We never saw man take out
his pocket-bOOk on encOuntering new ac-
quaintance and, "Ah, George; delighted to
see you! Do take a few stamps; it's my
treat" Do men have a mania for paying
each others bills? And is drinking together
more social" than eating together and sleep
ing together?
A man may go all over the continent Of
Europe, of Asia and of Africa without see
ing any man except a Yankee offer to
treat" and the Frenchmen are quite social
enough, but when they turn into cafe to
sip their wine or branded coffee together
each man pays for his own. When two Ger
mans long separated meet they will very
likely embrace and then turn into beer
cellar, sit down and drink beer and eat
pretzels and chat, but when they part again
each man settles his own score independent
ly. So in Italy. The Italians are probably
merry and generous, but each man pays for
his own wine, macLaroni and cigars. They
would as soon think of transferring to each
other their washwoman's bills.
The preposterous fashion of treating" is
for the terrible drunkenness in
America There would be little need of
societies, and little work for the
Good Templars, if this pernicious habit was
abolished. 1t is, taken all in all, the most
the most unreasonable and the
most pestilent custom that: ever laid its
tyrannical hand on civilization.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Apples in Russia.

An interesting fact about Russia is that.in
many of its coldest provinces fruit-growing
is an important branch of industry. In the
province of Kazan, which is 35Omiles farther
north than Winnipeg,and where the mercury
In winter sometimes falls as low as sixty de-
grees below zero, apples are grown in large
quantities at profit. In the province of
Vladimir, which is almost as cold as Kazan,
cherries of excellent quantity are raised in
abundance. Both apples and cherries are
shipped from these provinces in large guam
titles. In these high latitudes fruit trees are
usually small, being not over eight feet in
hight and are planted in clumps like stalks
of corn. Their low branching limbs are
usually loaded with the most luscious fruit.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
TIE SNOW SHOWER.

c,ond here by my side and turn, pray,
on the lake below thy gentle eyes;
The clouds hang over it, heavy and gray,
And dark H"d silent the water lies;
And out of the frozen mist the snow
In waycrimg flakes begins to flow;
Flake after flake
They sink in the dark and silent lake.
See how in living swarm they come
From the chambers beyond that misty vail;
Some hover awhile i'll air and some
Rush prone from the sky like summer hail.
ALL dropping swiftly, or settling slow,
Meet and are >till in the depths below;
Flake after flake.
Dissolved in the dark and silent lake.
Here delicate snow stars. out of the cloud,
Come floating downward in airy play,
Like ,pmgIcs dropped from the gistenng crowd
That whitcn by night the Milky Way;
Then broudtr and burlier masses fall;
The sullen water bun ics them all
Flake after fake
All ldrowned III the dan k and silent lake.
And some. as on tender wings they glide
From their chilly birth cloud, dim and gray.
Are Joined in their fall, and, side by side,
Come clinging along their unsteady way;
As friend with friend or husband wife,
Makes hand in hand the passage of life;
Each mated fake
Soon sinks in the dark and silent lake.
Lo! while we are gazing, in swifter haste
Stream down the SHOWS, till the air is white.
A., myriads ny myriad, madly chased,
They fling themselves from their shadowy hight
The fair, fral creatures of middle sky,
What speed they make, with their grave SO nigh
Flake after flake
To lie in the dark and silent lake!
see n thy gentle eyes tear;
They turn to me In sorrowful thought;
Thou thinkest of friends, the good and dear,
Who were for time, and now are not;
Like these fair children of cloud and frost
That glisten a moment and then are lost
Flake after flake,
All lost in the dark and silent lake.
Yet look again, for the clouds divide,
A CLEAN of blue on the water lies
And far away, on the mountain side.
A sunbeam fall from the opening skies
But the hurrving host that flew between
The clouds and the water no more is seen;
Flake af er flake
At rest in the dark and silent lake.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
A Word to Bachelors.

A Connecticut paper, published near hat
factory, says: Gentlemen should never fail
to investigate beneath the sweat bands OF
their new hats. These bands are stitched in
by girls, and it has come to be quite COM
mon thing for them to either write their
name and address on the inside of the band.
or to write it, sometimes including little
note, upon slip Of paper, which is stitched
in. If girl is of an aspiring nature she
honors only the most expensive hats with
her name; but oftentimes the name of a
don't-care girl may be found in the plainest
kind of felt slouch 1t is authoritatively
stated that several good matches have been
cemented upon the basis of hat-band note
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Where We Feel Pain.
[Dr. Carpenter.

When l prick my finger, or some one else
pricks it for me, I feel pain, as we COM
monty say, in my finger. But do not real
ly feel the pain in my finger. The feeling
OF pain is subjective state, mental con-
dition, brought about by that wonderful
translation of which 1 spoke in my first
lecture, of neurosis into a psychosis That
translation takes place in a certain part of
my brain-the ganglionic center of the nerve
proceeding to it from my finger. But, by
what Professor Huxley has appropriately
called an "extradition" of my consciousness, 1
locate the pain in the point in which the pin
was run into my finger.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
st. Paul.

st. Paul used to be a Western city. Now
it is central. Take the map of the United
States," says the Christian Union, "and place
one arm of pair Of dividers at ST. Paul and
the other at Jacksonville, Florida. Move
the latter northward toward New York, and
you are three hundred miles out in the At
lantic ocean move it toward the southwest
and you are at the City of Mexico move it
to the northwest and it falls short by three
hundred miles of reaching the utmost limit
OF fertile and productive country capable of
sustaining large population. The railroads
have brought the Assinaboine and Saskatch-
evan valleys and those of Montana within
forty eight hours of st. Paul, and have op-
ened to the thrush of an enterprising popu-
lation what else must have remained howl
ing wilderness"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
HINTS ABOUT THE HOME.

p ne angel of the flowers. one day,
peheath pe rfse-tree sleeping lai-
n nat spirit to whose charge tits given
. oathe young buds in dews of heaven.
TE waking from his ligqt repose,
..nt ne angel whispered to the rose:
S,ji AN tondest object of my care,
2tIi iairest found. where all are yare,
oI the sweet shade thou giv'st me,
,aTS ,ISsk what thou wilt, tits granted thee"
"oeh' men said the rose, with spleddid glow,
TI In me another grace bestow."
WI ue spirit paused in silent thought
,Tn nat grace was there that flower had not?
was was out moment; DER the rose
and van OF moss the angel throws.
ana Hnd robed in natures simplest weed,
"iu there flower that rose exceed?
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Somewhat Suggestive.

Teacher-"What is the noblest animal in
the world, and mans best and most useful
friend?"
After painful pause one of the smallest
boys in the class raised his voice and said
"The dog, sir"
"Con ect," replied the teacher, "but !
should have thought that some of you big
scholars ought to have answered the ques-
ton"
A very fungus growth spoke up and told
the teacher that 'the young fellow ought to
know better than the rest of his class. for
his father keeps butcher shop"
b The school takes thirty minutes for re-
cess.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
A Minister'S Plea for PRAYER.

When the brethren of Durham" says the
Richmond, Va, Religious Herald, were con-
Tossing their faults one to another and ask
ing for prayer, the Rev. w. r. Gwaltney, the
Edward Payson of the Conference, arose, and
with deep emotion said:
Brethren, wish you to pray for me. Of
ten sin in being too anxious and burdened
as to what will become of my family when 1
die, as my salary forbids my making any pro-
vision for the future'n
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
A Dead Letter

While passing through the postofice re-
Gently attention was called to letter in the
dead letter Office which was inscribed:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-06-14
Wood
John
Mass

This was sent to John Underwood, Ando-
yer, Mass.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-12-07
Z Hub . Cough Cure, % Cents.

prescription OF a Boston physician, dis
pehsed years by Boston druggist.
One dose will cure any ordinary cough.
IL acts most magically Ask any dealer to
ger you IS cent bottle of /" Hub" Cough
cure, and don't be put Off with any other.