The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1883-04-17
HIS PA AN oRANaEMAN.


l
"Say, will you do me a favor"
asked the bad boy of the grocery man
ashe sat down on the soap box and
put his wet boots on the stove.
"Well, YES" said the grocery man
hesitatingly, with feeling that he
was liable to be sold. eff you will
help me to catch the william who
hangs up those disreputable signs in
front of my store, / will. What is
| itp
+ II want you to lick this stamp and
put 1t on this letter. 1t is to my girl,
and want to fool her." and the boy
handed over the letter and stamp, and
while the grocery man was licking it
and putting it on, the boy filled his
pockets with dried peaches out of
box.
"There, that's small job" said the
grocery man, as he pressed the stamp
on the letter with his thumb and
handed it back. "But how are you
going to fool her"
THAT'S just business" said the boy,
as he held the letter to his nose and
smelled of the stamp, "That will
make her tired. You see, every time
she gets letter from me she kisses
the stamp, because she thinks licked
it. When she kisses this stamp and
gets the fumes of plug tobacco, and
stale beer, and limburg cheese, and
mouldy potatoes, it will knock her
down, and then she will ask me what
allied the stamp, and l will tell her l
got you to lick it, and then it will
make her sick, and her parents will
stop trading here. o, it will para
lyze her. DO you know, you smell
like a glue factory. Gosh, l can
smell you all over the store. Don't
you smell anything that smells
spoiled?"
The grocery man thought he did
smell something that was rancid, and
he looked around the stove and final
ly kicked the boys boot off the stove
and said, 'It's your boots burning.
Gracious, open the door. 1t smells
like hot box ON a caboose. Whew!
And there come couple of my best
lady customers" The ladies came in
and held their handkerchiefs to their
noses, and while they were trading,
the boy said, as though continuing
the conversation:
"Yes, pa says that last oleomarga-
rine l got here is nothing but axle
grease. Why don't you put your
axle grease in a different kind of a
package? The only way you can tell
axle grease from oleomargarine is
in spreading 1t on pancakes. Pa says
axle grease will spread, but your al
legged butter just rolls right up and
acts like lip salve, or ointment, and is
only fit to use on a sore"
AT this point the ladies went out of
the store in disgust, without buying
anything, and the grocery man took
dried Goldfish by the tail, and went
up to the boy and took him by the
neck. "Golblast you, / have a notion
to kill you. You have driven away
more custom from this store than
your neck is worth. Now you git"
and he struck the boy across the back
with the Goldfish.
"Thafs just the way with you all"
says the boy, as he put his sleeve up
to his eyes and pretended TO cry,
"when a fellow is up in the world,
there is nothing too good for him, but
when he gets down, you maui him
with a Goldfish. Since pa drove me
out of the house, and told me to 90
shirk for my living, l haven't had a
kind word from anybody. My
chum's dog won't even follow me,
and when fellow gets SO low down
that a dog goes back on him there is
nothing left for him to'do but loaf
around a grocery, or sit on jury,
and l am too young to sit on a Jury
though 1 know more than some Of
the beats that lay around the court te
get on jury. 1 am going to drowr
myself, and my death viii be laid tc
you. They will find evidence of cod.
fish on my clothes, and you will be
arrested for driving me to suicides
grave Goodbye, 1 forgive you, and
the boy started for the door.
"Hold on here" says the grocery
man, feeling that he had been t.
harsh. "Come back here and hav,
, some maple sugar. What did you
| pa drive you away from home for p
20, it was on account of st. Pat
rick's Day." said the bad boy, as h,
, bit off half a pound of maple sugar
, and dried his tears. "You see, p,
never sees ma buy a new silk hand
, kerchief, but he wants it. Tothel
day ma got one of these orange-col
ored handkerchiefs, and pa immedi
! ately had a sore throat and he wanted
l to wear 1t, and ma let him put 1t on
! thought / would break him of tax
!, ing every thing nice that ma got, 81
, when he went down town with tn,
orange handkerchief on his neck,
told some of the st. Patrick boys il
the Third ward, who had green rib
bons on, that the old duffer that wa