The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-05-11
WHOLE NO. 1872.
WHY WE LAUGH.


The sequel to "Under Green Apple
Boughs," is "What | Know About the
Collie" .t
"pm afraid I'll run this thing IN the
ground" said the man as he gazed at his
dying mother-in-law.
According to the dispatches Sitting Bull
has joined the Catholic church. He is now a
Papal bull.-Phiiadelphia Bulletin.
"You are great coquette," said young
man to Madison avenue young lady. 81
plead jilty," was her Representation
Times.
Hens may be little backward on eggs, but
they never fail to come to the scratch where
flower beds are concerned.-Ne,c Orleans
Picay,fie.
81 want to pass away gently while preach
ing" says Evangelist Barnes, of Kentucky,
and every one of bis hearers cheered him
enthusiastically.
An Ohio man has taken the smallpox
from pet pig. Ohio men will take anything
they can get, even to a government office
Oil City Derrick.
The Secretary of the Navy, who is now in
Florida, has discovered that for genuine bull
let-proof armor the hide of an alligator Is 40
per cent. better than government iron-clad.
PHILADELPHIA Chronicle. Herald.
"Love for the dead should not cramp our
duty to the living" remarked the enthusias.
tic angler, as he sat down to q mess of trout,
the result of his own prowess.-BoSton Star.
A man in Ohio has been in a trance two
years. Should lie rouse up about the year
1900 he will be surprised to learn that the
Star Route trial No. 2 is still going on
Norristopn Herald.
The body Of man with q pencil behind
his ear, pair Of shears in his right hand and
his pockets filled with gold has been excava-
tel at Pompeii. He Is supposed to have been
a custom tailor.-Lo,ceu Citizen.
The Chicago Herald thinks that the choice
of William NJ. Evarts to deliver the speech
at the opening of the Brooklyn bridge is a
judicious one. The length Of his sentences
will compare favorably with the length of
the bridge.
1t Is said that "two hundred years ago the
Indians 'ndulged in Turkish baths" Yes,
It must have been all of two hundred years
ago. To judge from the one we saw last, 1t
might have been thousand years ago.
Peck's Sun.
Samuel Gum was recently arraigned in q
local court for intoxication. When he shot
breath at the Judge the latter remarked that
1t was evidently muzzle-odor, but he
couldn't permit discharge. Yonker's Ga.
zette.
81 notice one thing about this hotel" said
one drummer TO another as the pair were
seated at dinner; sthe people here under
stand the art of bread-making." $50 they
do" was the response, "but they can't help
1t, you see; it's inn-bread. ~ Yonker's Ca
zette.
Literary market report Short stories are
mole lively and in fair demand; editorials
are firm; essays dull, sermons duller; French
novels have a downward tendency; poetry
has suddenly advanced from one cent and
half to three cents q yard.-Phitadetphi
Neus. .a
The servant girl question" put in a new
light by the Boston Transcript: "a rifer-
ince, is It ?' exclaimed the girl at the intelli-
gence office, when asked by the lady in
search of help for recommendation; "an' why
should l give ye riferince? It's mesilf
that's got to live wild ye, an net ye wild me-"
The young men of Norway wear betrotlal
rings as well as their afiianced brides. In
this country it is different. The young men
wear nothing before marriage 20 indicate
their withdrawal from the matrimonial mar
ket. They wait until after marriage, and
then they wear rings in their noses Brook
Ign Eagle.
So many murderers are reported as eating
a hearty meal the morning before being exc
cuted that all exchange thinks physicians
should prescribe hanging for the person suf-
fering from loss of appetite. The fatal oh.
lection to such a remedy is that a man is
liable to choke TO death almost as soon as
his appetite is restored.-Norristo,u Herald.
There is good deal of quiet humor In
piano men. A week or so ago Steinway
agent advertised a second-h hand Chickering,
which he described as ga fine piece of cabinet
work, and just the thing for an ironing
ooard." Shortly sfterward the Chickering
agent got hold Of second hand Steinway
and advertised 1t as admirably adapted for
use as an ice chest, and warranted to scare
rats away whenever played on."--Philadel-
phid Neacs. ..a
SIGNS OF RAIN.
Wen COW come home befo' de sun 90 down,
An, hop Suueal Mt da sfi la I'm da lana