The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1883-05-12
ruAT THOUBLEsOME RABY.


fPeck's Sunl
"Well how is the baby:'' asked the
grocery man q ttse bad boy, as he came
into the grocery smelling very "horsey,"
and sat down on the chair with the back
gone and looked very tired,
"Oh, darn the baby. Everybody
asks me about the baby as though it was
mine. / don't pay no attention to the
darn thing, except to notice the foolish
ness going on around the house. Say, l
guess that baby will grow up to be a fire
engine. The nurse coupled the baby on
to section of rubber hose that runs
down into bottle of milk, and it began
to get up steam and pretty soon the milk
began to disappear just like the water
does when fire engine couples on to a
hydrant. Pa calls the baby Old Num-
Der Two / am Number One and if
pa had hook and ladder truck and a
hose cart and a fire gcng, he would i'm
agine he was chief engineer of the fire
department. But the baby kicks on this
milk-wagon milk, and howls like dog
that's got lost. The. doctor told pa that
the best thing he could do was to get a
goat, but pa said since we 'nishiated him
into the Masons with the goat he would
not have goat around nohow. The doc
told pa the other kind of goat, think
it was Samantha goat he said, wouldn't
kick with its head, and pa sent me up to
the Polack settlement to see if l couldn't
borrow milk goat for a few weeks. l
got woman to lend us her goat till the
baby got big enough to chew beef, for a
dollar week, and paid dollar in ad-
vance, and pa went up in the evening to
help me get the goat Well, it was the
darndest mistake you ever see. There
was two goats SO near alike that you
couldn't tell which was the goat we
leased, and the other goat was the chum
of our goat, but it belonged to Nirish
woman. We got bed cord hitched
around the Irish goat, and that goat
didn't recognize the lease, and when we
tried to jerk it along it reared right up
and made things real quick for pa. l
don't know what there is about goat
that makes it get so spunky, but that
goat seemed to have grudge against pa
from the first. If there were any places
on pas manly form that the goat did not
explore with its head, pa don't know
where the places are. Oh, it damned
him, and when LATED pa got mad. /
told him every man ought to furnish his
own goats, when he had baby, and /
let go of the rope and started of, and pa
said he knew how it was, wanted him
to get killed. 1t wasn't that, but I saw
the Irishwoman that owned the goat
coming around the corner of the house
with cistern pole. Just as pa was get
ting the goat out of the gate the goat got
crossways Of the gate, and pa yanked and
doubled the goat right up, and I thought
he had broke the goats neck, and the
woman thought so too, for she jabbed pa
with the cistern pole just below the belt,
and then she tried to get hold on pas
head, but he had her there. No woman
can get the advantage of pa that way,
cause ma has tried it. Well, pa ex.
planned it to the woman, and she let pa
of If he would pay her 50 damages to
her goat, and he paid it, and then we
took the nanny goat, and it went right
along with us. But have got my opin.
ion Of baby that will drink goats milk.
Gosh, it is like the stuff that comes in O
spoiled cocoanut. The baby hasn't done
anything but blat since the nurse coupled
it on to the goat hydrant. had to take
all my playthings out Of the basement te
keep the goat from eating them. guess
the milk will taste Of powder and sinQed
hair now. The goat got to eating some
Roman candles me and my chum had
laid away in the coal bin, and chewed
them around the furnace, and the powde,
leaked out and coal fell out of the fur
mace on the hearth, and you'd o died tt
see pa and the hired girl and the goat
You see pa can't milk nothing but milk
wagon, and he got the hired girl to mill
the goat, and they were just hunting
around the basement for the goat, with I
tin cup, when the fireworks went Of.