Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-12-29
BRIGHT BITS.

A MARYLAND negro was born with two
teeth. and has never had any more. He was
born last Monday.
''YEs," said the man who ordered teal and
didn't get it, Il shall have the waiter dis
charged for mallard ministration."
yrs" said the Terre Haute man, "Tm
rather glad on the whole. that there's law
against gambling on Sunday. 1t gives us one
day TO saw wood"
OMAHA cannot provide for a national nomi-
Mating convention becausc-the Republican
says-althOugh she has many hotels, she has
only one distillery.
PATER-"Knowledge, my boy, is better than
wealth" Filius-'Ye-es. But, pO' my word,
d'yOu know, sir, think prefer the inferior
article !'-L0RdOn Punch.
BosrOS Post: after seeing tie poem that
Al. TennysOn got s Geo for, all we have to say
is that Wen give him 30 per cent. to sell
horse and bulldog for u.s."
WHEN Rev. john Jasper, of Richmond,
heard that Mr.. Dana had changed his Presi-
Dental love from Holman to Flower he simply
remarked: 1.-The Sun DO move"
"DO YOU belong TO the editorial staff" said
he to the elevator boy. "Naw" sad the boy,
s'Tm one Of the elevatorial staff" Moral:
Never ask an elevator boy question.
MOST OF the New England girls marry in
November. The weather being cold the BRIDE
groom stays in doors and is much less likely to
escape than in the balmy summer mouths.
.sYEs, I'm glad it's over" said Mr.. Byrnes-
monkey. "Pm sick Of Juggling round those
bricks tied up in paper, to make folks think
I've been buying presents. It's one OF the
frghtful bores Of civilization"
LOWELL Citizen: eyes said the young
clergyman. Il have always said 10 myself I
would marry that girl if | could, and now /
am going TO do il. But it is TO another fellow
she Is TO be wedded, am sorry to say. The
only consolation get out of the affair will be
the fee"
Il wtsu this country was like Japan"
sighed Mr.. Spiggins, ruefuly, after family
jar, in which he came out his usual second
best. "And why, prayf" demanded his wife;
because they don't use nails there, replied
Mr. Splggins, feelingly, examining his scars
in the looking-glass.
GENTLEMAN lin BARRIERS chair notices
dog who sits close by him regarding MN win
fixed attention-"What is that dog staring at
me that way for?'' Barber (indiGerentlyl-
THAT dog is always there. You know II l
happen to cut OFF a piece OF an ear zen
tleman-''W Barber-"O, well, he eats
it,"
GEN. GRANT, at the New England dinner in
New York, said that "a Pilgrim Is Puritan
evolved" intending to be witty at Mr..
Beecher's expense. Mr.. Evarts, alluding to
Kossuth's pronunciation Of the word de
veloped," amended the Grant epigram by
changing il to 1.-THE Pilgrim Is the Puritan
deyiled up
"HELLo. Smith. You remember that yarn
Jones told about mef" "Yes." swell, sir, |
met him in a crowd and made him take
WATER Take water! Jones take waterS
Allow me to congratulate you on your un-
paralIeled feat. Why, sir, Jones was never
known to take water before in his life. What
a surprise party II must have been 10 his
stomach '-OH city Bliszdrd.
GIRLS don't come very high in New Jersey.
A wealthy citizen OF that state, lately de-
ceased. wills $3.50 to a New York bank clerk
who rescued his (the Jerseyman'sl daughter
from drowning several years ago. The buXom
maiden weighed 200 pounds, which, reckoning
from a fathers valuation of 81 . per pound,
seems to indicate that the New Jersey girl Is
a luxury within the reach Of any industrious
and ambitious young man.-ScieHt5fc ADaert-
can.
sYoU say that you are strong and hardyfm'
ssYes sir" mot afraid of work. mo, SIR"
s'Can get up early in the morning. Yes,
SIR" sin perfect health and strength" Yes,
sir - tAnd very anxious to become black
smithsn Eyes SIR" what proof can you
give me that you possess all these qualitlesT'
81 was Yale College student" sDid YOU
graduateY' 'sNo, sir; l failed to pass the
Examination" aFailed 10 pass the examlna-
tiongn 'Yes, sir. / gave more attention to
developing my muscles than my mind"
sWell, you had better give up the idea OF be-
coming blacksmith. You no doubt possess
the necessary robustness, but you haven't
intellect enough to make good horseshoer.
You ought to have rich father. "-Phitdees-
pltid Call.