The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1883-04-04
FROM TOBIAS.
Editor Democrat

\ man is having things entirely too muci
her own way. The boys are crying
: aloud for another David to do battle
with the Philistine. don't know how
well may fill the bill and may &c
badly used up, but am going to throw
one stone anyway. She shall not dor
her war paint day after day and come
: out in the plain to offer battle in rain
WHO is BRIDGET
This is question which is being
asked all around aud so far curiosity
as to her identity has been successfully
baffied. When I say that have not
the slightest idea as to who she is and
; that ! am Drawing the unknown, hope
! shall have due credit for my temer.
' ity. If fall early in the action shall
, expect the boys to erect marble shat,
to my memory. Who is Bridget l,
does not help matters any that her ad.
vent and that of bridget Donahue'
were c0ntemporaneous. If we could
only know a little more about the
Bridget and much less about the Don
ahue everything would be lovely. Let
me tell you secret. l am going t.
make her mad and then she will be.
tray herself.
HOW TO FIND OUT WHO SHE Is.
The philosophers when they want to
find out something they don't know
always argue themselves into some
sort of speculative belief. Let us be
philosophers. The problem to be SOL
we'd is-Who is Bridget We want to
establish her identity. Identity is
made up Of characteristics. If we
know the one We can find the other
In this case we VIII have to establish
the characteristics to discover the
identity. lam somewhat afraid that
The following ratiocin,tiOn may lead
to the arguanent,m ad hominem, but
Philosophers have to take risks. A dis
covery that is not worth the risks in-
volved must be worth little.
WHAT SHE Is LIKE.
The first premise that we may lay
down about Bridget is that she is red
headed, and to salve the wound that
this statement will doubtless make, |
may add as sort of corrolIary, or as
the Unabridged has it, "as a garland
Ut flowers in addition to wages of ser
vice"-she is clear headed. Indeed,
The principal reason l have for saying
that she is red headed is, that her wri-
tings prove her to be level headed.
Red heads and clear heads 60 togeth-
er. can't stop to prove this and you
will have to take my word for it. She
is also sharp and angular. All the
boys will agree with me that she is
sharp and l may safely take that as
q. Q. d. That she is angular-rectan
gular-I can prove by the precision
with which she comes to a point-the
point of moral. If she were not an
gular, and a right angle at that, she
would not be so pointed in her remarks
about cigarettes, ct cetera. She wears
wig. am justified in this assump-
ton because if she had any hair of her
own to lose she would not and could
not afford to take such desperate chan
ces as she does, of having some of the
other girls pull all her hair out for
talking SO rough about their sweet
hearts. She wears glasses know, be-
cause unaided vision could never see
SO remarkably straight as she does.-
She wears No. shoe, because she
covers so much ground. She did not
have new gown and hat for Easter
or she would not have been in such
bad humor the day after. I might
continue the description indefinitely,
but am sure that Everybody will at a
glance recognize the characteristics
above mentioned and the identity fol-
lows as matter of course.
SOMETHING ABOUT THE GIRLS.
After all it does not make 80 much
difference who Bridget is. The main
thing is to prove that the boys are not
as bad as she paints them, and failing
in that, to destroy the force in what
she has to say about them, by invading
the camp of the enemy and criticising
the girls. As the self-constituted cham
pion of the boys, l must, of course, do
the best | can for them. Now, Mis-
tress Bridget or Miss Biddy, which
ever you happen to be, is DOT chewing
gum as bad a habit as smoking cigar
ettes7 If the boys wear tight pants
and short tail coats, don't the girls
wear those abominable big, ugly. IIor-
rible frowsy hats that make them look
like scarecrows7 suppose the boys do
wear peaked toed shoes, don't the girls
put on red stockings when they are
preparing to dance the racquet II the
boys loaf ABOUND the streets and play
high ball poker at odd times, do the
girls read history at home end improve
their minds9 If the boys are idle, are
not the girls giddys If the boys can't
shoe horse or build house, can the
girls cook breakfast and will they,
scrub the dining Soom doori If the
boys do not save and lay by something
for rainy day, what are the girls do
ing towards the training that is to make
them housekeepers and thrifty wives
IN the hereatter2
But this is enough to avenge the
boys. 1t will do them no harm and it
can not hurt the girls to once in awhile
get a brief lecture on their short.
comings.
FLOURISHING TOWN.
l am afraid that l will have to beg
pardon for saying "town" instead of
"city"-aud our two railroads and four
newspapers justify US in putting on
city airs, but am fearful that the
Colfax Chronicle will take offeDse if
say city, SO use the other word.
What I was going to say is, that to
judge by the noise of the whistles,
hammers, saws and everything else
that goes to make up hustle and ac-
tivity, Alexandria is Furnishing
place. New houses are springing up
like magic in every direction; new en-
terprises are being iuaugurated and
others talked of; one of our saw mills
contracting to deliver one million feet