Daily globe., 1883-07-18

Of the savage and set him completely at rest,
But with babies for text, song sung
Can stop for moment fond mothers tongue
A summer ort-Borrowing your
neighbours lawn-mower.
Summer resorts-Sherry cobblers and
mint juleps.
The race is not always to the swift, if
there is any money to be made by sell
ing it.
The Arkansas legislature changed the
name OF a man named GasbllI without
asking any questions.
lille Quem dudum dixeram'' is Plautus
for He whom l called dude" and there
is nothing new under the sun.
housekeeper asks: ''What is the sim
plest way to keep jelly from molding on
top?" Shut small boy up in the pantry
for few moments.
Not up in the latest styles: He: ''My
dear, 1 found these stockings lying across
the parlor chair" She: "You goosey, those
are my new thread gloves"
''When L was a boy,' said Thackeray, 81
wanted some taffy. 1t was a shilling; I
hadn't one. When 1 was man had
shilling; but didn't want any taffy."
A bald-headed man who has heard that
the hairs of a mans head are numbered,
wants to know if there is not some place
where he can obtain the back numbers.
When Pat was sent to the lobster pot to
see if there was anything in it, he said
upon returning: "There was no ripe ones,
sorr, only Crane ones; and tossed them
all overboard.''
''Your sin will surely find you outr said
naStor sadly tn druOkap Of
his flock. "Well," was the thick reply, ''hi
guess-hic-she won't be very likely-hic
ter find me in.''
Before cutting a mans head off IN Chi
ma, the authorities considerably make him
drunk. The beauty of this system is that
man can get intoxicated without having
head on him the next morning.
did that lady take umbrage?" said the
proprietor of Harlem store to his clerk,
who had just had wordy dispute with a
customer. ooh, no, she took ten yards of
turkey red calico, and wanted buttons to
match"
Elderly philanthropist to small boy who
is vainly striving to pull door bell above
his reach: 'Let me help you, my little
man" Pulls the bell,) Small boy: "Now
you had better run. or We'll both get a
licking"
A college president says that every stu
dent should thoroughly understand three
nguage5-English, German and French;
and an alarmist wants to know what will
become Of the three b's-boxing, boating
and base bali-if English is taken up
Say, Pat, what ever made you go to
work Tor old Cncle Dan? He's the meanest
man IL the country" ''Mane is it," said
Pat: Why. shure an he's the f0inest, asy-
est-goin' master iver 1 had, bedad; he
gives a man fifteen hours to do a days
work in"
Mrs. Hunier TO dry goods clerk). "If
you viii cut me 4 small sample of this 1
will find out from my dressmaker how
many yards Ineed, and can send for the
goods by the maid" EnfaEt Terrible
Hunter. ''Why, mamma, that's just what
you said in ali the other stores"
Say, George" said the married man
whose wife had been i'll, "Fve discharged
that nurse we had, and Pm taking her
place myself now.' Taking her placer"
inquired George. 'What part Of her work
can you do, old man." ''Oh, can 90 1t
about all" was the reply, / always was
sound sleeper.
The other day on an Arkansas railroad
an old gentlemen, half asleep, with book
entitled The Train Robbers" lying on his
lap. Pretty soon he sank to sleep. The
window sash fell with a loud report and
the old man, springing to his feet and
throwing up his hands, exclaimed, Gen
tlemen, haven't got & cent"
While more boys are born than girls, it
is q singular fact that there is a surplus
of female population. It is easily &C
counted for. Fooling with toy pistols,
playing base ball, and falling off cherry
trees, all boyish pastimes, are six times
more hazardous than wearing corsets and
jumuing the rope 800 times in one inning.
When q Scotchman answers a question
he settles the matter IN dispute once for
all. On certain occasion the question
was asked: why was Mary Queen of
Scots born at Linlithgow?" Sandy Kerr
promptly answered, Because her mither
was staying there, SIR" and there actually
seemed to be nothing more to say on the
subject.
When old Mrs. Bunsby had got through
reading in the paper an account of the
last great fire, she raised her spectacles
from her eyes to the top of her head, and
remarked: eff the fremen would wear
the genuine home-knit stockings, such az
we make and wear in the country, they
wouldn't be a burstin' of their hose al
every fire."
Aself-acting sofa, just large enough fol
two, has been invented. If properly
wound up it will begin to ring warning
bell Just before 10 O'Clock. At one minute
after 10 it splits apart, and while one-hal
carries the daughter of the house upstairs
the other half kicks her young man out Of