St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-01-26
SQuibS.

A young man who has wart on his
nose complains that when he has IA cold
in his head it makes mis- nose warter.
There is one place of interest in the
United States which | hope my coun-
trymen will always avoid. | believe
they call it Bunco Hill.-O. Wilde
Louisville Courier journal.
The Boston Gazette claims that it
can pick out IA lovely minded woman
by ''the garters she wears" This must
be big help to n man in everyday
life, in Judging of ladies he meets.
The Traveller still talks of ga sad
anl fatal accident when anything
happens to kill IA man. The word sad
is used to let people know the deceased
wasn't tramp or "A member of the leg
islature.- Post.
There are ,0O0,0O0 grown people in
this country who cannot read or write,
but when it comes to talking about the
nonsense of our public school system
they can make themselves heard half
mile away Detroit Free Press.
A Pennsylvania paper makes the
announcement that it is going to be
fashionable next summer for young
ladies to stay at home and help their
mothers with the washing. There'll be
lots of questionable girls next sum
mer, too.
A man in Boston the other day said
he was glad people were coming to
their senses, and had elected their in
corruptible old hero, Andrew Jackson,
President of the Eastern railroad. He
would like to see him President of the
United States, but was glad to know
that he was President of something.
The President of Tufts College was
recently made happy father, and the
following morning at prayer in the
chapel he introduced this rather am
biguous sentence: "And we thank
Thee, o Lord, for the succor Thou hast
given u.s." which caused general smile
to creep over the faces of the Glass;
Haverhill Gazette.
When he had called the meeting to
order, Brother Gardner arose and said
"Gem'len, if it wasn't for de wheels on
wagon the wagon wouldn't move.
When de wheels is on, den what 2"
"Grease !" sOlemnly exclaimed an old
man. "Kerrectw whispered the pres
ident, softly rubbing his hands togeth-
er. ave hez de wagon an de wheels.
We will now pass de hat aroun' for de
grease"
A little girl recently went to visit
her grandmother in the country. She
is fond of milk, but firmly refused to
drink any while there, without giving
any reason. When she returned she
was asked, "You had nice milk there
to drink, didn't you ~ 81 guess didn't
drink any of that milk she indig-
nantly replied. "Do you know where
grandpa got it ? | saw him squeeze it
out of an old COW :"
Instance of denominatiOnal zeal At
the time when Episcopacy was strug-
Cling for place i'll Scotland, much to
the disgust of the common people, a
girl in Fife, the daughter of noncon-
forming clergyman, looking over the
New Testament and finding the phrase
which sneaks of Christ as '.the bishop
of our souls" blotted out the word
bishop and inserted the word presby-
ter, so that it read '"The presbvter of
our souls. = Glasgow Evening Times.
81 see that your son is out of the
penitentiary," said a man to an ac-
| quaintance. eyes we proved that in
sanity was the cause of his killing the
fellow and they turned him out on pro-
baton" CLOVIS that ?" "They said
that they'd let him stay out day or
! two and if he acted like il crazy man
they'd let him stay out permanently.
| Well he acted like he was insane and
reckon he'll stay out" GLOW did he
act like he was insane p "By killing
another man. Arkansaw Traveller.
An old man would not believe he
could hear his wife talk distance of
| i've miles by telephone. His better
| half was in country store several
miles away, where there was Il tele-
phone, and the sceptic was also in a
place where there was a similar instru-
ment, and on being told how to Oper-
ate it, he walked boldly up and shout
ed. "Hello, Sarah ~ At that instant
| lightning struck the telephone wire and
knocked the man down, and as he
scrambled to his feet he eXcitedly cried, -,
"That's Sarah eyerytime. y AnOny-
nous.
A passenger on the Richmond, Fred
ericksburg and Potomac railroad re-
lates the following: The cars were
passing over a trestle, and just in front
OF lllt sat All Ol'l tOlblfh NbHidhf Nip
showed great alarm, and, as it after
ward turned out, imagined that the
whole train was flying through the air.
1t was not many minutes, .however, be-
fore the cars passed safely over the
trestle, and as soon as they struck ter
ra firma the old woman drew a sigh of
relief and exclaimed, IN TIE Deum
tone of voice, "Thank the Lord, she's
litw
One of the most popular conductors
that ever ran Il train out of Boston has
the credit of the following bon mot 4:
, Not long since special ministers tick
ct was handed to him, to which he gave
careful inspection, as his duty requir-
ed. The passenger quite tartly re
marked that it was unnecessary to be
50 very particular about his ticket.
The conductor quickly replied, in his
quiet and ever courteous manner: 81
/ am only looking to see where you are
going, sir. don't care to see ia the
morning papers, Another minister
t gone wrong - Traveller.