Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-11-19

Lie NcSH VI IHe WuaIe Is Sdiu W Uc
both nutritious and palatable. We shall
have to accept this statement on trust
until we go fishing next summer, when
we hope to be able to verify it.
A phenomenal Georgia rooster has
crowed two nights in succession just
twelve times before the village clock
struck IL. His owner thinks he must
have swallowed Waterbury watch.
Valedictory of the editor of the Law
renee (Ark.) Times: "We don't know
anything about the newspaper business,
never did, never will and never want to,
and are glad to get out of it with whole
hide"
"When l married Georgiana," said
Frank, ''my folks told me l was foolish
to wed girl who didn't know how to
use rolling pin. Lord, how they mis-
judged herl Do you see that lump on
my head?"
An old bachelor recently gave the fol-
lowing toast: "Woman-the morning
star of infancy, the day-star OF manhood,
the evening-star of old age. Bless our
stars, and may they always be kept at q
telescope distance"
Michigan avenue young lady and her
escort were returning from watching an
archery meeting, the other day. "Would
you not like to have a bow?" asked the
swain. 'If l had one / should prefer
yew," she answered archly enough.
Notwithstanding soda water frequently
explodes heavy copper generator and
blows a drug store into splinters, the
gentle girl calmly swallows goblet after
goblet of it, while it is the young man
along with her who gets 'busted."
A rich'sensation has just been spoiled
at st. Louis. A wealthy young lady of
that city had fully made up her mind to
run away with AMI marry her fathers
coachman, when at the last moment she
di scovered that the coachman wouldn't
have her.
''The owner of Little Brown jug owns
the fastest pair of PAGERS in the world"
AS a general thing the owner of little
brown jug doesn't own anything save a
ragged suit of clothes and consuming
appetite for the beverage that biteth like
an Ohio election.
Fifteen genuine Sioux Indians, who
are seeing Gotham, amuse the people at
hotel by eating with their hands and
dressing outlandishly. AS they wear silk
hats they think they are civilized. This
is very common mistake among other
people than Indians.
"Waiter, what is this mark on the side
of my pie?" ''Oh, yes; why certainly,
sir. That mark, sir?" That is the print
of my thumb, sir. Just had my thumb
in choco olate served the other gent.
meant to have called your attention to it
before, sir. Cut it out for you, sir?"
Mr.. Sill of Newcomerstown, O., while
at church Sunday had his house robbed
of several valuable articles. He don't
know whether we are taught by this that
if the thief had been good and gone to
church, or if Mr.. Sill had been bad and
stayed at home the robbery would not
have occurred.
An Irish lawyer having addressed the
court as "gentlemin," instead of Eyer
honors,' after he had concluded brother
of the bar reminded him of his error. He
Immediately arose and apologized thus
s'May it phase the coort, in the hate of
debate called your honors gentlemin. !
made mistake, your honors." The
speaker then sat down.
A darky on the Pecano plantation not
| long since was much tried by the obsti-
| macy of mule. After much urging and
| kindness toward the brute he broke out
| with: ''Look hyer, now! mebby you
think cause jined the church last Sun
day that can't use big words, but I'll
hab you know I'm gwine to make 'cep.
tion in your special case"
A man returned from dentists highly
indignant, and said that the intelligent
extractor had made mistake and pulled
the wrong tooth. 'sBut he made it al
| right" he continues, ssor I would have
brought suit against him for damages.
"What did the dentist do to make the
matter all right?' was the question put
"He didn't charge me anything"