The Osceola times., 1883-05-26
A KISSER FROM BASKERVILLE.
The Venerable COmmander.in- Chief and
the Pretty Actress.


San Frarcisco Post
The return of Miss Alice Harrison to
the city recalls an incident of her career
when a member of the famous California
company of four or five years ago, which
may still provoke smile from those
who witnessed the occurrence in ques-
ton.
About the time of Miss HIS farewell
benefit at that theatre Gen. Sherman
was visiting the city, and, with his staff,
occupied a box at said performance.
Now, whatever difference Of opinion may
exist as to the military renown of the
general of our armies, there is no dispute
as to his being the champion kisser of
the continent. In fact, the hero of At
lanta may be said to possess a mania for
labial salutations of fatherly sort, and
is known to frequently indulge in the
proud boast that he has kissed 80 per
cent. of all the. pretty girls of the United
States. His chief of staff once computed
the generals kissing monthly average
taken by and large all the year round,
dry and wet seasons included, at
about ,S06, or say, in round numbers,
about 22,000 kisses per each kissing fiscal
year. If the general had only added
babies to the list of his subjects, he
would have kissed his way into the
White House years ago but his reluc-
tance to waste valuable time on raw
material in the pursuit of his hobby in
duces him, with the true instincts of
veteran professor of osculation, to select
only the prettiest of the sex for that
honor.
At the benefit referred to, no sooner
did Miss Harrison appear on the stage
than the old war-horse snufled the battle
from aiar and began TO grow restless and
uneasy. The staff winked at each otner
and soon their chief suggested the pro-
priety of going behind the scenes to COM
pliment the beneficiary.
We must now ask our readers to ac-
company us to the little Danish settle
ment of Eericvland on the borders of
the Baltic, in the year 1881.
A village festival is being held and as
usual the distinguished visitors gather to
salute the girl who has taken the annual
prize for cooking and virtue.
There is young American officer amid
the number, who instead of printing the
customary chaste salute upon the cheek
of the village celebrity, folds her in his
sky-blue arms and settles down on her
frortispiece like a hydraulic pump on an
assessment list.
no Nv hu aud iret tha
spectators are about drawing their stop
watches on the last quarter the young
officer comes to the surface again. As he
RECEIVERS his exhausted wind the weather
beaten captain of wrecking crew APP
proaches and says:
"Young man, I'll give you your own
price to ship with me as diver"
And why ?"
Because you can hold your breath
longer than any man in the business"
We merely relate this little incident
10 emphasize our story. The kisser
was young Tecumseh. But to resume.
As soon as the staff were behind the
scenes Gen. Sherman pitched in with
the remark that ne hadn't kissed any
thing since breakfast. lie was standing
in the middle of the stage, with his back
to the curtain, and absorbed in bestow-
ing paternal kiss upon Alice, an ! feel
ing like a just admitted angel sliding
down buttered rainbow, when that
impish yoang lady saw that the prompt
er was about to ring up the drop"
Quickly placing her hands over the
generals ears SO he could not hear the
bell, she backed him against the curtain.
As every one knows this is wound around
huge wooden roller on the inside OF
the canvas. The generals coat-tails
were caught by this as the curtain went
up, and before the prompter could re-
verse the motion, the astounded man
was suspended about ten feet from the
stage like sheet from clothes-line.
The audience went off into Mysteries Of
merrinent while the members of the
staff Law down on the floor of their box |
and absolutely howled, for they only |
knew that those convulsively clutching
legs and venerable CATERS belonged to
the commander-in-chief Of all ourarmies.