Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-04-04

ALPENA, MICH, W
WIT AND HUMOR.
| Woman's dough-main-the kitchen.
Boston Star.
Inn-competency-fortunes derived
from hotel keeping.-New York Star.
The jar of a railway train is not
Theoretically sealed.-New York
News.
The cork is the article that often
gets in tight place.-New York Ad-
vertiser.
Funny, isn't it, that you always see
the night-fall before any stars begin
to shoot.-The Judge.
A bald-headed eagle is no more the
harbinger of spring than bald-head-
ed man is of a missing heir.-Free
Press.
English sparrows are said to be
good on toast. They are pretty good
on bread crumbs.-Burlington Free
Press.
The Gar keeps his crown on a
shelf in the pantry. Thus he lays up
something for a reigny day.-New
York Advertiser.
"You are setting us Il bad example"
as the algebra class said when the
teacher wrote hard equation on the
board. Free Press.
I'm soon to appear in new rolf,
as the hair said to the cook who mix
ed it into the dough she was mixing.
Narration Independent.
a Jackson county milkman while
working the pump handle calls out
"h'ist there; 80 boss; so there now !"
1t is a way he has of easing his con-
science.-Modern Argo.
The Philadelphia News thinks that
between her flats and her sharps, New
York is getting to be a dangerous
place to live in. The News might
have added, "and her bars. Boston
Transcript.
An exchange says the railroad of
the future will be run by electricity.
Then there'll be no boiler explosions,
but shocking" accidents will be
more liable to occur than ever
Philadelphia Herald.
EYES," said the mother of daugh-
ter, Il shall stop Mr.. Tommy's call
ing without any trouble or unpleas-
antness. shall merely ask him to
stop to dinner and then invite him to
carve" boston Post.
A sound thrashing-the waters of
Long Island in a storm. "Home,
Sweet Home"-where the children
are pulling molasses candy. A cruise
that too many are apt to take-Santa
Cruz.-Boston Traveller.
1t is said 1000 years ago the In
dians indulged in Turkish baths"
Yes, it must have been all of 200
years ago. To judge from the one we
saw last, it might have been 1000
years ago.-Jersey City Tattler.
Everything seems to move in
circle. While, for instance, the law
yers are looking up the authorities,
the authorities are looking up the
criminal, and the criminal in turn has
to look up the lawyers.-Boston
Transcript.
"Say, stranger" said a tramp APP
preaching a guest at well known
Williamsport hotel, edo you think
thirteen is an unlucky numberY
"Yes," was the answer. "Then lend
me S12," said the Bohemian.-Wil-
Transport Breakfast Table.
Two ladies were coming out of the
theater. Seeing the other drop her
play-bill, one of them exclaimed
"Why, Mrs. Blank, do you always
throw your program away ! should
think you would like to keep it for a
Boston Transcript.
Seeing a company of immigrants
riding through the streets, Brown
spoke of sandy-haired man in a
Scotch cap as descendant of Rob
Roy. "And that other fellow in vel
veteen," said Fogg, "what is he,
descendant of corduroy ?'-Boston
Transcript.
Enthusiastic Professor of Physics,
the organic and inorganic
"Now, if / should shut
my eyes-so-and drop my head-so
and should not move, you would