davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Half the elopements we hear about
nowadays are shams.' said our man OF
the wolrd, with his air Of porten tious
wisdom. Now that runaway match
in our owu town, for instance. The
girls father is a sharp man, but this Is
one of the sharpest tricks he has ever
played since l knew him. That elope-
ment was all sham. It's as simple
as can be. The girls father is one of
the best known men in this section OF
the town aud is politician beside. He
has, necessarily. a large acquaintance
with the element who are always ex-
pecting him 10 stand treat upon the
slightest pretext, aud, what with this
and the wedding festivities, supper and
other etceteras, his daughters mar
riage, if solemnized in the ordinary
manner, would have cost him a great
deal of money. Au elopement saved
all this, so he opposed his daughters
wishes strongly enough 10 give pre-
text for the two to run over to the
next town, where the expenses Of the
wedding, all told, didn't amount to
more than FIVE or ten dollars. There
were no fnc dresses, flowers, gifts or
anything OF that sort, aud when they
returned home they had chance 10 60
to housekeeping quietly and unosten.
taiiously. 1t was shrewd plan and
sensible one for all parties concerned. -
| have known a number of runaway
matches which had no other reason
than economy. Parents, relatives and
all were willing for the young people to
commit matrlmony, but the expense
was serious consideration, and little
timely opposition which caused an
elopement smoothed out the crooked
channel in which the course OF true
love was running. The cost Of the
wedding was saved for housekeeping,
the young couple were forgiven, and all
went as merrilY as if there had been
any amount of marriage bells ringing
CHEAPEST FASHION MAGAzl SE in the world, l20
arge pages, pages new music, 1000 engravngs
ach issue. so cents per year; single copies lei
cents. sTRAwBRDGE & CLoTHIER sth, Marke
es Philadphia.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

In the life OF good man there Is an
Indian Summer more beautiful than
that of the seasons; richer, SUMMER,
and more sublime than the most
glorious Indian Summer the world ever
kuew-it is the Indian Summer OF the
soul. When the glow OF youth has de-
parted, when the warmth of middle
age Is gone, and the buds and blossoms
of spring are changing 20 The sere and
yellow Leaf; when the mind OF the good
man, still vigorous. relaxes its labors,
and the memories OF a well-spent life
yush forth from their secret fountains,
enrichlng. rejoicing and fertilizing; then
the trustlul resignation Of the Christian
sheds around a sweet and holy warmth.
and the soul, assuming a heavenly
lustre, Is no longer restricted to the
narrow confines Of business, but scars
far beyond the winter of hoary age, and
dwells peacefully and happily upon
the bright spring and summer which
await within the gates OF Paradise
evermore.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

KNEW WHAT HE WANTED.-'I'ye
given that boy the wrong medicine,
exclaimed a druggist, seizing his hat
and rushing from the store. The boy
had reached home bv the time the
druggist overlook him.
Say exclaimed the druggist as an
old negro approached, I've given your
boy the wrong medicine
What did you gin him.
L gave him morphine. You sent
for quinine.'
'Dat's all right. De udder day
sent for morphine, and We sent quinine,
an Gis time when wanted morphine,
to keep down any mistakes, l sent for
quinine, KNOWN yer wouldn't send
what the boy axed for; go home an
sell rats pizen.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

WHY is lT.-What It is that makes
all those men who associate habltually
with women superior 20 others who do
not? What makes that woman who Is
accustomed 10 and at ease in the socie"
ty of men, superior 10 her sex In gen.
eralg Solely because they are in the
habit of free, graceful, continued con-
yersation with the other sex. Women
in this way lose their frivolity, their
faculties awaken their delcacies and
peculiariiies no fold all their beauty and
captlvalion in the spirit Of intellectual
rivalry. And The men lose their Pc
dantlc, rude, declamatory, or sullen
manner. The coin Of the understand
ing and the heart changes continually.
Their asperites are rubbed off, their
better materials polished and brighten
ed, and their richness, like gold, is
wrought into finer workmanship by the
fingers Of women than l. ever could be
by those Of men. The iron and steel
of their characters are hidden, like The
character and armor Of a giant, by
studs and knots of gold aud precious
stones when they are not wanted 10
actual warfare.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05
A Staiwart Old Enemy.

One OF The toughest old advers 'ries
of human comfort, and most difficult to
exterminate, is rheumatism. MANY
middle aged people suffer torture with
It, and the old tclks who have II 6od il
The pest Of their lives, The case OF q
venerable lady of Lewistown, Mass, is
of great interest to the vic inns OF this
tough old enemy. Mrs. Swett says
L have been using PERRY DAVIS s
'PAIN KILLER for abou: eight years.
AS soon as l apply PAIN KILLER
have almost immediate relief from
pain
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

We don't know who to credit with
the following. but it Is a truth told in a
back handed way: we like to hear II
man refuse to take his home paper, and
all the time sponge on his neighbor
for 1t. We like to hear man COM
plain when asked to subscribe Tor 1t,
that he takes more now than he can
read, and then go round and borrow
bis neighbours, or hang around the
printing office until he can read 1t. We
like 10 see a mechanic or merchant re-
luse 10 advertise IN the home paper.
aud then try to ge. share OF the trade
the newspaper brings. We like to
see this, 1t looks economical, thrifty
progressive and cheeky.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05
WOman's Province.
THE DUTIES OF THE GENTLER Sex
How BEST FULFILLED.

What a great task Is assigned TO wo-
mau, its dignity cannot DO elevated. 1t
IS not her province to make laws, 10
lead armies, nor 10 be at the head of
grea! enterprise, but 10 her Is given
The power to form those by whom the
laws are made, 10 teach the leaders Of
mighty armies, and the governors OF
vast empires. She Is required TO guard
against having the slightest taiat Of
bodily iu6rmity touch the frall creature,
whose moral, intellectual and physical
being is derived from her. She must
instill correct principles, inculcate right
doctrines, and breathe into the soul of
her offspring those pure sentiments
which in time to come will be part of
themselves, and bless generations as
get unborn. Yes. to women is given
the blessed privilege of aiding the suff-
erers ia all the various stages of bis ex.
lstence. She smiles serenely at the
christening, aud weeps a. the bulial,
while she sosthes the bereaved heart,
This Is her province and duty. Yet
how can she fulfill her mission unless
she Is possessed Of a strong and health.
thy body? Tue preparation of DR.. s.
B. Hartman, and known as PERUNA,
is just the thing for all persons suffer
iug from majority OF the complaints
incident 10 this climate. It's inyalu.
able to women, and Mrs. J. W. ReYn-
olds, Of New Lisbon, Columbiana coun-
ty, Is noted example of what the
medicine can do. Sac says she had
suffered for years with congestion of the
lungs, catarrh 10 the head, and was
troubled with bad cough. She had
tried number of physicians, but they
all failed 10 cure her. She was IN iuced
to try PERUNA, and Immediately q
marked change took place. After using
one bottle her cough ceased, aud 10 a
short time her other ailments were
cured. She is now completely restored
TO health, and gives all The credit to
PERUNA.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05
A SchOOIbOy on COrns.

Corns are of two kinds-vegetable
and animal. Vegetable corn grows in
rows, and animal corn grows on toes.
There are several kinds OF corn: There
is the unicorn, the capricorn, pop corn,
corn dodgers, field coro, and the corn,
which is the corn your feet feel most.
1t is said, [ believe, that gophers like
corn, but persons having corns do not
like to "go fur" if they can help it.
Corns have kernels, and some colonels
have corns. Vegetable corn grows Oh
the ears, but animal corn grows on feet,
at the other end of the body. Another
kind of corn is the acorn; this grows on
oaks, but there is no hoax about the
corn. The acorn is a corn with an in
defaite article added. Try it and see
Many a man when he has a corn wishes
it was an &C )rn.
Folks that have corns sometime:
send for a doctor, aud if the doctor him
self ia corned, he probably won't do SC
well as if lie ISN'T. The doctor say:
corns are produced by tight boots aud
shoes, which is probably the reason
why, when a man is tight, they say be
is cOrned.
If a farmer manages well, be eau gel
a good deal of corn on an acre, but
know of farmer that has the corn tha
makes the biggest acher on his farm
The bigger crop Of vegetable corn &
man raises, the better lie likes it; bu
the bigger crop of animal corn he raises
the better be does not like it. Another
kind of corn is the corn dodger. The
way 1t is made Is very simple, and it is
as follous-that is If you want 20 know
You 60 along the street and meet a
man you know has corn, and rougl
character; then you step on the toe tha
has the corn on 1t, and see If you dom
haye occasion to dodge. In that way
you will find out what corn dodger 49,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Yes, be said as they came down
together. Il have sold my house anC
lol.'
Mop
Yes, the papers were all passed
Yesterday
Did you get your ligureT
We'll, yes
Say. Smith, continued the other
after they had walked block in silence
Il won't be imprudent enough to ask
YOU what that figure was, but | should
really like TO knowli you got, anything
over and above the amount Of the mort
gagep
Smith didn't say.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

PARTNER WANTED.-'James,' bt
began, as he called the clerk into the
private Office, your conduct is sucf
that can no longer retain you in my
employ. You do not hesitate TO lie
and cheat, and you are drunk at least
twice a week.
'All right responded the clerk.
got news yesterday OF a 5000 lega'
cy, and / guess 1 won't go 10 the old
poor-house.
Seventy five thousand dollars
To cent
Cash money!
All cash.
Then I'll sell you a partnership in
terest 10 the business and we'll make
things hum Ha! Let me congratu-
late you. Just such a partner as la
want among a thousand
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05


man, as he saw a car driver on Wood
ward avenue take a nickle from his
pocket and pass 1t into the fair box.
For her,
what her p
The car stopped and the driver got
down with Good morning, nanny
and assisted an old woman of 10 TO en-
ter the car.
Did you pay for her "
Yes
'Why?'
We'll, the story runs back for almost
two years. he said, as he picked up his
lires. 4 reckon you know Bill"
Yes
We'll. two years ago he was one OF
the toughest men 10 Detroit. He drank
swore, gambled. and had all the other
vices lying around loose. 1 tell you,
be was a terror when off duty and oa a
spree. He was getting 30 bad on his
ear that another week would have
bounced him, but something happen
ed.'
what p
He was coming up one evening, halt
drunk and foil of EVIL. and somewhere
about Davenport street he lurched over
the dash board. He caught and was
dragged, and the horse began to kick
and run. That old woman there was
the only passenger on the car, and
when she saw the accident she came
out. grabbed the flying lines with one
hand and the brake with the other.
ADD looking down upon Bill she called
out:
oh! Lord! help me to save him
He's a wicked young man and not ht
to die y
We'll, she stopped that car and held
to the horse until some one came along
and helped Bill out Of his FIX, and she
was all the time calling him poor boy
and my SON. and thanking God he was
not killed. He had close call, though
and il was a solemn warning. From
that night he hasn't taken drink, and
no driver on this line has a cleaner
mouth or is taking better care oil him.
SELF
And tho old woman?'
She lives away out, along with d
daughter. Many's the dollar Bill has
seat after her since that night in the
way of clothes aud provisions, and he'll
never forget her. The story came to
the rest of US after awhile, and we've
sort of adopted her as Oar Old Nam
N.Y. We help her on and off, pay her
nckle out OF our own pockets, aud
when The car isn't too full we have a
minutes chat with her. She likes Us
all, and we wouldn't trade her of for
the whole line. It's a Dit Of romance
among ourselves, you see.'
Yes. Did she ever talk 10 you?'
Did che? She sat right there on that
stool one day two months ago aud
said /:
MY ion, let drink alone L. ro5s
the pocket, cheats The brain, and leaves
you friendless Don't swear Oa,hs
60 with a vicious soul Keep your
temper. The man who can't contro |
bis temper is no better than a Gagged
wolf
she said that with her blue eyes
reading my soul and her old voice
trembling with earnestness, and every
word went right to my heart and lodg-
cd there. She's had something to say
TO most of the boys, and [ reckon each
one is the better for it. Curious, amt
it, low we found our old nanny, and
maybe you'll believe with some OF US
that Pro vldence had hand in it,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A Connecticut woman recently dream
ed that she saw her husband kissing a
neighbor's wife. She awoke. but be-
fore she pu. on her considering cap she
struck the unfortunate man across the
face, breaking his nose. She is now
doctoring his fractured protubcrance,
TO the intense satisfaction Of The neigh
boris wife.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A travelled Euglishman says Ameri-
cans have a tired, dispirited, distress
ed. oyerworked look He has EVIDENT
ly been observing an audience on its
way out from lecture by one OF his
distinguished countrymeu.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05
A Prison Picture.

'Dood bye, papa laughed little
girl as her mother held her up, so that
che might kiss her father through the
grated door Of the city prison few
DAYS since. 'Dood bye, and hurry and
,um back. What's all 90 men doin'
with my papa?' she continued, gazing
in on the rough-looking prisoners who
were crowdlng near the door. III 90 IS
dood TO everybody, you can turn right
back and see your little girl. too Then
she clam bered down aud ran away,
while the bIg iron door closed after her,
as a sullen cloud darkens the sunlight.
This little child, with her innocent
pratlle, looking in upon and talking to
group Of hardened men, was a pretty
scene. As she put her little face
against The bars and kissed her papa,
the wretches could not restrain their
tears. Men were there whose lives
had been on the darkest side OF exis-
tence, who would hesitate at scarcely
any crime, whose characters were
hardened aud corrupted; yet simple
little scene like the above, a few pratt
Ting words of a child, reached down
through every covering and touche-
their better emotions. 1t kIndled with
in them lingering memories OF other
aud better days. and stirred up the
little remaining sentiment OF manhood,
husbandhood, fatherhood. The visit OF
the child left an impression on those
men, aud opened their hearts to better
resolves. However, it was only one OF
the many occurrences that take place In
that little world of itself-a city court
and prison.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

The other day grocer sold an ole
farmer a gallon Of tar through mistake
for molasses. After discovering the
mistake he waited to hear scme com
plant; but hearing none, wrote to th'
old fellow, who replied as follows =
Much obliged fur c'reckshun; but i
come too late, as all Of tae slull is done
up. Wife she Flowed that thar wal
sunthln' outen fix with the lasses, bu
[ lowed she must be pregedlst.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

DOLLAR AND SENsE.-'Dollars and
sense are a mighty valuable considera'
tion In matrimony,' said MI. Blipkins
to bis wife.
Yes, dear, I'm aware of it,
And It is seldom that 1t Is equally
divided. Have you noticed thata'
Yes dear; in our own case, ior in'
stapce. You had all The dollars aud
had all the sense
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

The most interesting case L ever
tried ia my life,' said the village law
yer. was a case in which we sued the
defendant for alternating The affection oi
my clients wife,
And you recovered p eagerly asked
two or three of the bystanders.
Not exactly; the jury brought in o
verdict of burglary in the first degree
They must have been drunk, some
body suggested.
No. explained the lawyer, they
we're q Connecticut jury
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A short time since a gentleman re-
siding III Allegheny City, who had
recently lost his wife, went to the ALE
sheny Cemetery to pay vlsi! to his
wife's grave, and while there he me-
with lady, also from Allegheny, who
had gone 10 the same place to visit her
husbands grave. The two talked for
some time OF their recent losses, and
then went 10 their respective homes,
but the acquaintance was kept up, and
last week the parties were united.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

She was a sweelly inexperienced
young housekeeper, as one may gather
from her remark when some ono sug-
gested that she should purchase some
mattresses. Yes she replied, If they
are 10 season we'd better have some.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A young man who had been assste d
away from the home of girl whose so
clety he yearned for, wrote next day to
the cruel parent as follows: 1 did no
mind what you said to me, though you
langua, e was pretty rough, but when
you kicked rue with No. IL boot you
hurt my feelings. 1 shalls make nc
iuIther effort to win your daughter. II
she lnherits your style Of feet and any
of your versatility in the use of them,
feel that l could not be entirely happy
with her,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A brooklyn young lady. who prose-
cuted a iailhless lover for breach OF
OF promise, testified that they had, by
actual count exchanged $4,000 kisses
by mail.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

The quieting, rest-2rocuring qnali.
ties, as we'll as the far-reaching aud
powerful curative effects of Ayers
Cherry Pecto.al. render It the very best
remedy known tor luug-oisease.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

II The wives of this county had one
of the privileges Of base ball managers,
what q prosperous country it would be.
Base ball managers have right TO fine
their men for being out late at night
and for getting full.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

An editor who is familiar with the
subject say: Matches may be mada in
Heayen, but a great deal OF the mater :
ial Is prepared at plcnics, aud on the
shady side oi steamboats, during moon
light excursions.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Inflammation, coughs, catarrhs and
pneumonia, resulting iron colds, may
be cured by Ayers Cherry PectorAl.
II allays the inflammation, removes the
irritation aud soreness, soothes The
organs, aud restores the sufferer TO
heaith.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Yes said a fashionable lady, 1
think Mary has very good match. |
heard her husband is one OF the shrewd.
est and most uuprincipled lawyers 10
the profession, and, OF course, be can
afford 10 crafty her Hlsh.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A Philadelphia father rose from his
bed after midnight; and coming down
to the parlor found that his daughters
young man had not yet departed. 'Eh.
there, young fellow, he shouted, why
don't you adjourn? You needn't think
yourself the Pennsylvania Legisla-
ture.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

1t is now time TO put on thick aud
seasonable clothilg. 1t IS seriously
hoped that 20 lady will think that this
means that IT'S time 10 think Of getting
a seal.skin sacque.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05
Smith didn't say.

A young man having asked a girl !
he might 20 home with her iron sing
Ing class, and been refused said
You're as full Of airs as music box.
.Perhaps so, she retorled, 'bu! If l an
I don't 90 with crank.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05
What VOm Ell Should Use.

Dyspepsia, weak back, dependency
and other troubles caused me fearful
suffering, but Parkels Ginger Tonic
makes me feel like new being. A
great remedy. Every woman should
use II. Mrs. CARTE. Pittsburg.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Darling said young man, you
are the apple OF my eye. We'll, was
the frigid reply, Il cannot return the
compliment. crab apple, | was
speaking Of said the audaeious
youth.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

An Esg.ish clergyman talked so long
and severely TO his dog that the sensl-
tive animal piued away aud died. Ina
cine the condition of that preachers
congregation.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05
He Spoke From Experience

BUCHANAN, Ga, July 5, 1881,
II. II. WARNER Sc Co.: Sirs-I have
been taking your Safe Kidney and Liver
Cure for Brlght's Disease, and find it
the best ever saw or heard Of.
DAVID BOWLING.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Ice cream, being ot a high tempera.
ture. impairs the teeth, and predisposes
them TO decay. Young man, cut this
out and show it to your girl, if you
want 10 save money thia summer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

L am afraid. dear wife, that while l
AN gone, absence will conquer love-
Oh, never fear, dear husband; the
longer you stay away the better l shall
Ike you.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

When your parlor.iu niture gets all
worn threadbare, have it covered With
muslin; then everyone will thirk it is
new. and that YOU have covered II 10
nreserye the delcate.hued satin.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Why is coal The most extraordinary
article known 10 commerce? Because
when purchased, instead OF going to
the buyer, it goes to the cellar.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A lady who found a baby in basket
on her door step, took the infant 10
the staiion.hoase, but saved The basket
To cary home her marketing.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Mr.. Caleb ]. Miller, U. ;. NJ
Noltolk, Va, says; & know Browns
Iron Buffers 10 be all that is claimed
for IN
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

Samuel j. Tilden never yet had
collar button or race horse named al
ter him. Alter all. what is fame.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

The sum of s45, 100000 represents
the value OF new buildings IN New
York city this year.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

A bottle of patent medicine cured
the infaiuatlon Of a youth tor 40 Iowa
girl. She hlt him over the head with
II
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-12-05

John, l fear you are forgetting me.
sale a brigbt-eycd coquctte to her
sweetheart. Yes, Sue. 1 have been
for getting you these last two years.