Connecticut western news., 1883-04-25

one, and examined the hay and pro- nounced it good timothy, and then opened bale of hay to see how it was packed.
 "Where's the weeds ?'' he asked, as he separated the layers.
 Weeds? Why, we don't put in any,"
 "No old straw down here ?"
 "Not bit"
 "No stones or dirt p
 "None, father"
 And instead of using water-soaked timber to hide your bales, you go and wrap 'em with light wire. John Henry, it's a wonder to me that you have kept yourself out of the poorhouse. 1 AN EDITORS FoRBEARANoE.
 The editor of railway journal was recently brought before Police Justice charged with having thrown large ink stand, two compound paper-weights and sundry other missiles at the head of visitor to his office, inhicting painful in- juries. It appears that the person as- saulted was the inventor of an automatic car-coupler, and had called on the editor for the purpose of exhibiting a model of his device and explaining its operation. On learning this fact the magistrate de- clined to hear any further testimony, | and fined the complainant one thousand dollars; observing that it gave him pleasure to recognize in the conduct of the journalist on the occasion referred to an example of forbearance under singu- larly exasperating circumstances which he believed to be almost without parz allel.-Puck. SOLVED THE PUZZLE. The other night merchant i'll vil- | lage in Ohio was discovered in his store at an unusually late hour, and in reply to inquiries he said: "My confidential clerk is missing" "And what of it?'
 "Why, I'm looking over the books, but they seem to be all square,"
 "Have you counted you cash Y "Yes, and it is correct to dollar"
 "Looked over your bank bookP"
 "I have, and it is satisfactory. That's the puzzle, you sec. He's skipped, and I can't make out what for" "Been home since noon?" "No."
 "Perhaps he has eIoped with your wife.'
 Glands alive but it may be sol If it is, then the puzzle will be solved"
 He hurried home, and it was so, and he felt great anxiety off his mind WaU Street Neaos. l A DEATH-BLow.
 sI cannot agree with my neighbor," said a citizen as he consulted lawyer the other day. ........-.
 "Build fence fourteen feet high be- tween you," promptly returned the lawyer.
 "Yes, but it would shut out all my light"
 "Can't you raise your roof so as to make his chimneys smoke?"
 "I'm afraid my foundations wouldn't stand it."
 "Keep your piano going"
 "I do, but he has an organ.
 'sSet the police after him for his ash heaps"
 'I have too many of my own."
 "Let's see-let's see P unused the puzzled lawyer. "Say, suggest to some of his friends to get up surprise party on him p
 "By George I'll do it That's just the checker l I'll have the thing fixed this very week Here's your $5. and I'm much obliged besides. Revenge is mine at last r
 A WASHINGTON STORY.
 The story comes from Washington that few days ago, when $1 200 employee of the Senate died, Sergeant-at-Arms Bright received an application for the vacancy. Colonel Bright read the recommendation, and said at once: "very well, you can have the place" The applicant was evidently astonished, } and asked, "When can take hold?" "You can begin today" began Colonel Bright; but let me explain the sltua- tion. You see, when Mir. St. John was buried it left his $1, POO place vacant The next man Uo ulIl, u FOlJ o"P"DA0 f one, receiving $900, was promoted A laborer next below him at $75O, stepped 7 into the $9OO place, and 8 man under him was then lifted a little, and so on 3 through the whole lot, until the place really left vacant by the death of MT. St. John is place in the stable to curry horses at $1 day. You can have that, and begin work at once." The applicant withdrew.
 A ooNUNDRUM. {, This from the Boston Transcript con- tains conundrum that puzzles many 3 philosopher through life: "A father was advising his very small son not long ago against the sin of selfishness-that he 0 must never hesitate to grant favors and 0 be generally obliging wherever he could. ), The boy listened, then said: I would like to do everything you tell me, father; e but there's fellow at school just like s what you've described. Everybody says d he's an obliging fellow, but nobody-not r. even the teacher-treats him as if he was
 any account. Now, I don't want people IS to take me for no-account fellow P" e THAT SETTLES IT.-The President, 1t u appears, worshiped very industriously in d Florida on Sunday-at the Episcopal