The Dillon tribune., 1883-09-22
Hisftlls',es.
HUN0R

HUHOR. ."''
A Mosxox with plurality Of lean
wives, speaks Of them - las spare
ribs
II NEVER was better In my life," -
the man said when asked to take .
wager. -
The prosperity Of the book agent
proves that falsehood il mighty and
will prevail.
Tue average woman Il composed Of
$40 bones, 1859 muscles, twenty-rine old
newspapers, and 210 hair-pins,
A BACHELOR cynic remarks that IL i
singular how early in life child gains
the reputation Of resembling the rich.
est and best-looking Of his relatives.
A MAN who visited the Signal Service
Department while in Washington, says
IL reminded him Of q social party. All
the people were talking about the
weather.
MISS vERDANT, Of Verdantville,
bought q "letter-writsr," and then
wrote an indignant letter to the book
seller because she had to write the let
ters herself.
An apothecary, in decorating for
Washington's birthday, placed . jar Of
calamus root in the show window and
labeled it Sweet flag of my country"
but no one saw the point.
The Elmira Gazette tells Of woman
who applied for the position Of a street.
car driver. She was asked: "Can you
manage mules?' and replied: LOT
course I can. I've had two husbands.
SWELL, may I hope, then, dearest,
that at some time I may have the hap.
piness Of making you my wife?" "Yes,
I hope SO, I am sure" she replied; "for
I am getting tired Of suing fellows for
breach of promise"
A PARTISAN photographer has made q
hit photographing children apparently
on the edge Of q precipice. he is said
to be perfectly satisfied with his sue
cess on picture when the mother
screams at sight Of the proof.
THE only time q good mon should
play poker ia when the kitchen fire
needs raking. Even then it is liable to
prove q losing game uuless he had pre-
viously provided the proper amount Of
chips.-Ne,c York Advertiser.
No. SIR" Indignantly exclaimed a
city official who had been approached
In way that did not accord with his
notions Of his dignity, II will not do it,
Do you suppose that will sell nv
birthright for IN ounce Of potash pr
Boston Transcript.
A MOTHERS pride. "What! Your
son is only sergean!?" Eyes, that is
his b grade, but"-with pride, and con-
t!identially-"in reality, you know, he
Is Captain, but he doesn't publish the
fact because he does't wont to wound
the feelings of his comrades who haven't
got on as rapidly as he has"
"A BosroN girl lost her engagement
ring, and advertised . liberal reward
for its recovery. About . fortnight
nfterward, coarse looking man cailed
1T her residence with the missinr
tr'nket. In spite OF the rough treat
nent it had received, she recognized it
81 once, and asked rather sharply;
how did You come to get it ali
scratched and nicked up in this
"Well, MISS" explained the
man, you see, I had no gal Of my own.
20 used it for dog collar. brook
|ysa Eagle.
AVERAGE candidate "No, cir. I am
not candidate for reelection. There
snt any money in the Office, and it's
more trouble than it's worth. A man
lever gets paid for serving the public
anyway. Somebody always finds fault. |
Never intent to run for office again. |
'ut, still. II the people want me, Of
course I'll serve. I think I can heat
anybody that has come out thus far.
say! It you can say anything that will
lelp me along, wish you would.
lrkanSaw Trareler.
LOVE LETTERS.
! Nv sso " a. Mis wit SS 7 s : HtEvs
And me NO more II AC0
Bay thou art not mine Nh
True love In it, MNCT
NY boltlness must 10 Us:
30 let no N n r CT
ny daring hopes L NINA
Thy beauty &X4NC
Ad always o ONO
TO thee from mo shall NINA
For thou art my NET:
Latl thee ~ my D E T:
And II love with N r d.
.x... x,S Assribe u te my x To