National Republican., 1883-08-11


And dripped, instead of in the cuspidore
It's quite enough to make an angel weep
Especially the spelling of the hatl
Show me the wretch who, while was asleep
Entered my room and mixed things up like thati
Boston Post.
The next time man at Niagara attempt
to shoot the rapids he will do it with his gum
NelO Orleans Pcdyune
LANGTRY is writing book. If she cannot
write any better than she can play her book is
bound TO be marvellous success. -HatOkeye
LOUISVILLE is now getting up as "water-
Ing place." 1t has good claims to be considered a
whiskyand-watering place--Bosio Herald.
THEY call tho lighthouse keeper at Cnpe
May Aladdin because he has such wonderful
lamp. 1t is French, and the only ono of the kind
in the United States.
III, M. P1TT has made hit in the part of
the Rnjah, at the Madison Square theater. The
play has drawn the largest audiences since the
first year of Hazel Kirke.'
A SPONGE measuring eight feet in circum-
ference has been taken of Key West The country
hasn't experienced such another relief since Oscar
Wilde went away.-Hlioktve.
ONE difficulty will be experienced in run
ning railway trims by electricity. A non-cUnduc.
tor Will he necessary, and hence there will be no.
pouy w NOIcCt luteH.-FOSt- Express.
SPEAKING of the house of lady who does
not intend to spoil her children by sparing the
rod, somebody remarked how neat and clean
everything was "Yes," said Fogg, everything
Is Ike whacks work. ."-B0stoR Transcript
SULPHUR SPRINGS, Colorado, is q health
resort where two weeks ago u mob took four men
out and shot them. The idea of health resort in
Colorado is place where II man has never lime
to get sick before he dies with his boots on.--
HalCkeye
SHOWING off: Two women were recently
seen pricing gingham in a shop. One remarked
10 tine other one the label the goods. "See the
American eagle and the motto, L Plurlbus Unum
that's the French for In time of peace prepare
for war; "-Boston Advertiser.
The Laramie Boomerang tells Of Fort Col
Inns man VINO has come to the tardy vindicaton
OF the much abused mothef-in-aw. firing of his
wife, he got divorce and then heroically m r
ried her mother. Spartan courage was all right as
far rs 1t went, but nothing was carried to excess
| in those days
The following telegraphic dispatch was
received i'll This city yesterday: az will be home
on the 1920 train tonight" Sure enough he
came in on the train oil right The most remark
able thing about this interesting little incident is
that there was not single mistake in the mes
| sage.-POst- Eryress.
PERPETUAL clock has been in operation
| In Brussels for eight months. There are great
many perpetual things that will last Just al out
that long. But the great demand among tho
young people of this age is not clock that will
run forever, but clock that will never get past
ten on a Sunday night.-HawkeVe.
BACHELOR who was tired of single life
set the table in his lonely abode with plates for
himself and an imaginary wife and five children.
| 10
helped himself to food he put the same quantity
on each Of the other plates and surveyed the pros
pect, at the same time computing the cost He is
still bachelor Woman's Journal.
AFTER describing the repeated failures Of
a tumble bug to get his ball out of a rut the In
dianapols NeiUs adds " Finally he plowed out
space, like sort of railroad cut, with a smaller
slope than the buggy track. and pushed his ball
triumphantly out through it. Was that reason
| 1t was exactly the course engineer would take.
1t was exactly the course taken to raise the great
| winged bulls of Nineveh Has q tumble bug got
mind%
A CHICAGO wholesale house sent out three
female drummers by way of experiment One Of
| them wore ell her samples to picnic and got
lemonade, pie, and grass stains oil over them;
another got mashed on o brakeman and followed
him off, and the third reported three new dresses q
lawn tennis suit garden hat, and Langtry bang
sa tisfed with the result Of the experiment that 1t
will not repeat it-Hal0keye.
AN ice house on the Miami river was
destroyed by fire, and the local paper says that
when the roof fell in and the flames reached the
ice "the awful holacost leaped with lurid hands
to lick the emblaZoned clouds that with irradiant
glare caught up the vivid geam Of restless fame
and hurled 1t into the abysmal spaces beyond the
sky" Fortunately, the prompter called him off
before he got chance to work in a description OF
the scene when the ice exploded.-Hdpkeye,
Mr.. W. NYE, Of the Laramie Boomerang,
has pleasant way Of referring to his friends.
For example: "a French savant has invented
something or other that If placed in any sort Of
liquor will make the man who gets drunk upon 1t
feel an earnest love for the whole human race
AS soon we get the address of the inventor
we shall order barrel and go on a bum with Dr.
Haylord. We want him to be able to say that for
at leas: one hour of his life he has felt at peace
with the whole world. He is the most chronic
grumbler and faulthnder we know Of"
NOT long since the board of education Of
Ann Arbor, Mich, decided to employ teacher
of English and elocuton for their high school,"
writes n correspondent to the Popular Scicnce
| Monthly "But although the University of Michi-
gan, with lis 14C0 students Is situated here. no
one could be found among its graduates competent
to teach how the most important and most forc-
BILE of all languages, our own mother tongue,
should be written and at tho same time spoken
with ease, grace and the most artistic expression
Hundreds prepared to teach dead languages,
none to write and speak the English, and hence a
teacher had to be imported. Herbert spencs J
question, What knowledge is of most woflh J
very pertinent here"
SPEAKING of suicide, here are several Gu
riosities in that department of human crime or
weakness Of recent occurrence: MRgruder killed
himself in Maryland because of grief for his first
wife, though he had taken a second and entirely
worthy one, Marks drowned himself in Kansas
mill pond, the dam for which he had just built,
the water proved insufficient TO turn the wheel
Jennie Roberts, of Pennsylvania, flung herself
nto a stream after being refused parental per-
mission to go to q ball. Pickets, a member OF
the Texas bar had no desire to live when he had
lost case and been berated by the client Mrs.
Jones, of MAJ Iyland took laudanum because she
could not AXE money from her husbands cash
drawer Atkinson of California, mentally saked
his life on his horse and forfeited on the conclu-
sion of the race.
New ORLEANS Picayame: All game is out
of season now except the game Of keno. The
wake of ship is always in the cradle of the deep
80. Cutting telegraph wire is not breaking the
news gently....It is noticed that the habltual
kicker always finds something 10 kick at....