The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-02
AUSTIN STRINGS.
NO SMOKING ALLOWED.

| NJ SMOhlNG ALLOWED
/ An Austin street car driver is very
much annoyed by gentlemen smoking
| in the car, which is contrary to reguia-
| tions. Yesterday, there were several
gentlemen smoking in the car, and
losing his patience, the driver stuck his
| head into the car, and bawled out:
'f you want to smoke in there
shrow away your cigars, and go some,
where else. y
ROBERT, THE DEVIL.
Said lady, who wanted to 90 to the
| theater, to her husband who was read
ing newspaper: There is a new
opera company coming to Austin, and
they are going to give Robert the Devil ="
"What are they going to give Robert
the Devil for-what's he been doing?''
asked the husband, who is not we'll up
in opera music.
MARK OF IDENTIFICATION.
Have you anything extraordinary
on your person by which you could be
identified?'' asked an Austin doctor,
who was examining Bill Colbert for a
life insurance policy.
Colbert thought for good while be-
fore he answered. AT last he replied
that he had the required popularity.
:What mark is it?''
Fearful cramps when l eat green
corn"
CoLoRED LOVE LETTER.
Miss Matilda SNOWFALL, having closed
the door, approached the lady of the
house in a most mysterious manner and
asked as a favor that her employer
write letter to Sam Johnsing.
what do You want me TO write?'
Write him dat | was at de corner at
de appointed hour, and dat he didn't
come"
well, I've got that down"
Den add To dat ar: consoles myself
wild de fond hope you was KEEP away by
sickness. Your only true Tub, Matildy
SNOWFALL.
AN INSULT To THE PROFESSION.
There is an angry doctor in Austin
just now. He has been fatting up
hog for some time. Day before yester-
day he sent for butcher and had the
animal dressed. When the doctor asked
the butcher how much he charged, the
latter replied:
Never mind about that We pro-
fessional gentlemen ought not to charge
each other anything. You didn't charge
me anything for treating. my wife's
mother who died last fall '
TAMPERING WITH LEGISLATOR
lyon look pale.
s.'Well, | feel pale. l am as nervous
as cat.
whats the mattcr?"
II dreamed last night that l paid my
landlady, and | am worried to death to
know where got tiie money from.
am afraid some member of the lobby
has been tampering with me i'll my
sleep
There are several Legislators in Austin
liable to the suspicion of having been
tampered with in their sleep.
EXPERIENCE TEACHES.
Colonel Arthur Peter read an adver-
tisement in a paper to the effect that, by
mailing five dollars to a Northern firm,
he could secure double-barreled shot
gun. He sent on the money and re-
ceived the gun. He went out into the
suburbs of Austin to try the gun.
When Mr.. Peter returned to conscious
ness, his head was bandaged up. and he |
was surrounded by doctors and his dis |
consulate family. The first words he |
uttered were:
''If / live to be thousand years old, |
I'll never fire off that gun again
As the biggest piece of the gun that
has thus far been discovered is only |
about two inches long, and was exca-
waited with difficulty from under his |
collar bone, the prospect of Peter keep
ing his word never to fire off that gun
AGAIN Il vary oaod -Tp3.re C;ffi70S