Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1883-06-16
WIT scIGrILLATIoss

People who go crooked here cannot be
expected to enter into the straight gate
above. New Orleans Picayune.
One OF the most horrible suggestions
ever made is that the communists should
supply the children of royal families with
toy pistols.
It was Darling George when bridal
couple left Omaha; it was Dear George
at Chicago; at Detroit it was George,
and when they reached Niagara Falls it
was Say, yOu p
A New Orleans horse.car line issued an
! order the other day prohibiting smoking
on the cars, and the line at once became
such a favorite with the ladies that it has
been necessary to add ten cars.
The New Bedford man who tainted away
out in Montana was only brought ont Of
TT by placing dead FISH to his nose. As
he slowly began to revive ne murmured,
How good it smells just like home!"
a Quaker having sold fine looking but
blind morse, asked the purchaser, Well,
my friend, dost thou see any fault in him.
No !" was the answer. Neither will
he ever see any IN thee, said old B,oad.
brin
Said the night-v atchman, when about
dusk he was invited to drink cup Of
coffee L" No, thank you Coffee keeps
me awake all night. And then he saw
his biunder, was very much embarrassed,
and tired to explain it. But it was no
use.
Polk, the defaulsing Treasurer Of Ten
/ nessee Is talked of az possible candidate
/ for Governor. His friends acknowledge
| that there have been greater thieves than
/ be was, bus claim that as he took all the
cash in the treasury, more could not have
| been expected Of him. Texas Shdngs.
This IS story of what happened not
| long since in the Pine Tree State. A new
/ Baptist convert wished very much to be
/ baptized by one minister and to join the
church of another, She went to the first,
and asked him if IL could be done. Yes, "
replied he, q could do it, but 1 don't
take in washing"
The fumea from wines stored IN the
great wine vaults in London are so strong
that a person entering them will immedl-
ately become intoxicated" In other
words, a smell greets your nOstrils similar
to what you would experience IN enjoying
| q conversation with ward politician on
the eve of an election. II Peck's Sun,
A prominent Massachusetts, lawyer in
formed legislative committee there the
other day that he knew a superintendent
OF a railroad WAC informed an applicant
for employment as a brakeman that there
was no chance for him then but proba
| Div some one would be killed inside of ten
days, when ne could have the vacancy"
Eyes" said the witness, 81 remember
the defendants mother crying on the oeca.
sion referred to. She was weeping with
her left eye-the only one she has-and
the tears were running down her right
check" What " exclaimed the Judge,
d" how could that be ?" please, your
Honor" said the witness, she was aw-
fully cross eyed"
In New York boudoir "An' is it
thrue. Mrs. OFlaherty, that We have in
vited Ms. Bank to yer grand RECEPTION
and bali next wake?" "Iudade, Mrs
O'Shaughnessy, it is not. Phat would
paple ike us, as ladies' New YOrrlck socie-
~. want wild Mrs. Blank Did not she
bring disgrace on us all by Margin ma
tive American, the jade! "
Doctor, said q fond mother leaning
over the bedside OF her son, who seemed
TO be suffering greatly, "what is the mat
ter with him?' The physician examined
the sufferer, and replied, Hes SICK.
There, exclaimed the woman, " 1 knew
you could tell what was the matter with
him. How fortunate it is that you are in
the neighborhoo5 = And she looked at
the medical gentleman with an expression
that spoke OF Testful confdence.-[Arkan-
cas- Traveller.