Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-05-19
WIT AND HUMOR.


A New Jersey widow is said to
have changed her religion because
she wished to avoid meeting her hus-
band in the next world.
The poetical expression. Riches
have wings" must have been suggest
ed to. the author by seeing wings on
a woman's hat.
A Sunday school boy gave the fol-
lowing definition of faith: 1T is
feeling perfectly sure of thing
when you have nothing to back it up"
A bank president left a southern
town the other day forever, without
taking cent of the banks money
with him. He died.
Things are coming to pretty pass
in Kentucky when preacher has his
salary locked for time lost on trip
to fight duel in distant part of the
State.
Pat says that il men could only
hear their own funeral sermons and
read their own head. stones. there
would be no living in the world with
them at all.
Statistics show that the largest
number of marriages are by persons
under % years of age. Does this
prove that as people grow older they
Become wiser!
Professor julien asserts that the
brown stone houses of New York will
entirely crumble away in less than
one thousand years, SO ruinous is our
atmosphere. That settles it. We
shall not build brown-stone house.
1t wouldn't be economy.
A Delaware editor who happened
to observe Henry Ward Beecher
lunching at railroad restaurant,
says, that time is beginning to make
its marks on Henry, but he can eat pie
with all his old time vim and elastic
ity."
Rev. DIR. Hall said that every rock
was sermon, when a hoy was steal
ing apples from Mr.. Halls orchard.
When the boys father subsequently
asked him why he limped he replied
that he was struck with one Of MIR.
Halls sermons.
A Montreal clergyman, i'll seeking
to discover why his church was not
swept and busted, learned that the
woman whose work it had been had
died of starvation. Poor woman! 1t
is supposed a church donation party
got into her house by mistake for the
clergyman's.
A man who speaks from experience
asserts that there is no such thing as
"dipsomania," and he says it is moth
ing more or less than "plain, old
fashioned drunk" The fast young
man of the present generation now
wants to know what on earth is an
"old fashioned drunk?"
Isn't it wonderful that in speculat
ing for rise somebody doesn't turn
his attention to gunpowder' That
commodity seems to possess all the
necessary elements, although some
care may be necessary in manipulate
ing it. A magazine article might do
good.
An old story has been revived Of a
prayer-meeting held for a poor fell
lows relief who had broken his leg.
While Deacon Brown was praying a
tall fellow with an ox-goad knocked
at the door, saying, Father could not
come, but sent his prayers in the cart"
They were potatoes, beef, pork and
corn.
Rev. MIR. Talmage accuses a Chica-
go clergyman of stealing his sermon.
The Chicago divine may appropriate
his sermons, but he can never, in this
wide world, steal his gestures and
grimaces, and flip flaps. and Mr.. Tai
IMAGES sermons, without these aids
are, to use a new smile, like Hamlet
with the melancholy Dane omitted.
A Springfield Sunday school boy
caused momentary sensation last
week because OF this speech, which
he made as he rendered his usual
contribution: Here's my penny.
Father hadn't any and mother hadn't
any, and so 7 took this out of the
yeast cup. 1 was bound to bring
one even if we' had to go without
yeast.
Mrs. Peter Schinskv is one of those
Austin ladies who take much better
care of their animal pets than they do
of their children. She has got pet
poodle by the name Of Fido Re
Gently Mrs. Shinsky's little boy, Bob,
asked his mother: '-Shall l give Fido
this piece of sugar he is begging for?''
mo. my child, it might spoil his
teeth. Eat it yourself"
Two English girls are romping
with boisterous laughter in a hotel at
Nice. Then comes the shocked ma
tron: For Heavens sake. Mable,
don't! They'll take you for one of
those horrid American girls One of
these sweetly designated class. chan
cling to overhear, says gently: Il
guess not--with those awfully big
feet"
BELLS. The invention of bells is
atfrihufa1 RI polouius Rish0p of