Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1883-05-24
PLEASANTRiES.

L
Ne,U York NeaOs.
A MIXED gatheIiDg-'Vulgaf iractlons.
N. Y. Advertiser.
AN infuriated skipper IS the hopping
mad saior.-N T. NeeCs.
| AFfAB11rry is.a prerequisite to tally
ab.lity.-NcW York AdUertiser.
MANY wealthy Celestials live on tea
grounds. Boston .Stur.
CA DREAM of fair women Rich
men.- Baltin,ore Eycry SATURDAY.
If man shoots Wig does he bring
down hair?-Chicago National
Weekly.
A TERRIBLE frame of mind incloses
the "picture" OF despair. Y. News.
WARS the weight of country press
which is stopped to an oance?-Nc'o
York Neus.
A DAMAGING Misunderstanding the
hens Into the new]y-plantcd garden
I-Boston Transcript.
D1D yon ever see fisherman try to
walk rod, and reel? We have.-Bur-
tington Free Press.
The keeper of boarding. house is
never too beforehand about introducing
strawberries. s.-Puck.
A MAN need not be skilled marksman
in order to "sh00t" his winter hat.-N.
| y AdUcrtiser.
A BLUSH is modesty's headlight. but
a good many trains are run without
headlights. Baltimore Ncws.
The coal dealer should always throw
his weight in favor of the poor widow
Nc,O orleans Picayap,c.
JT is an exceptionally cold day when
the country editor forgets to announce
that ''now is the time to subscribe"
-Er.
"NEvER put off until to worrow
doesn't apply to the man who is trying
to reach the other side of the fence be-
fore the mad bull assists him.-E.r.
The difference between melodrama
and mellow dram depends upon how
far the stage is from the balroom. H.
Neac York Aavcrtiser.
LEAVING the street.car: Jovial old
geut-"Hullc Snarley, how are you
getting ou?" srarley who snffera ter
ribly from dyspepsia)--" am getting
otf."-Lifa.
Up to the hour OF going to press no
Harlem baby has been named IN honor
of Benjamin T. Butler, the man who
looks two ways for the Presidency
Lou. COor.
YoKEL Ito his son at concert during
the performance of a dueD: "D'ye see
Tom, now it's getting late they are sing
ing two at a time, so rs to get done soon.
er. "-Erchange
IT is bout time for the sweet girls
about to be graduates to debate the
question whether they will appear in
calico dresses, and finally decide not to.
I-LoaOcW Citizen.
JOSEPH Cook has written nn article OH
tobacco, but fails 70 teach tue secret of
the art OF carrying cigars in the vest
pocket in such q manner that ones
friends cannot detect them.-Puck.
AN article in an exchange is headed:
"K,ssed by Her Husband" Later re-
turns in relation to this tragedy point
concllsively TO the fact that the hired
girl was absent, hence the terrible mis-
take.-Er.
A MAN in Scio, this state, is said to
have sold his wife to an admiring friend
for the stupendous sum of 81. The all
cient adage about u fool and his money
is peculiarly applicable in this CASE
~. y. Com.
The Philadelphia News says that am
Indian never forgets a wrong. The chap
who has been trauing buffalo robe fora.
pint Of whisky, right along for twenty
years past will some day havea heap of
wrongs to mediate over.
A New SoUTh WALES journal contains
this advertisement: Wanted, a cnl-
tured gentleman capable OF milking
goats; university man pre- ferred. Ap-
plicatlons, with testimonials ms to profit
cheney, to be addressed" etc. etc.
Our in Kentucky when they wish to,
raise the price of land 10 a locality they
build distiilery in the vicinity. Boston
Post. This Immediately brings on big
colony from Massachusettsand business
at once begins. -Courio7'-Jo,unai.
A VERMONT editor wants t. know what
gives color to pure water. Ne don't
know what they generally use up in
Vermont, but down thus way it. is gen.
orally something that is not legally solo
except under license. -L0WGN CDn
A PoRr HENRY paper says there is ,s
fortune in store for the man who can
contrive machinc to iii that i,lnce of
two-thirds OF its canlue population.
Whereupon an inventive genus arises
and suggests sausage mac hiuc.-N. J.
Cam.
YEAST WAS invented in the year
'leaven.-NcW York NcWs. And gain
ing III the year won. Henderson (N.
, CO Gold Leaf Fiogcls were made in
the year five, and the first free lunch dis
appeared in the year ate. Nc,D York
NelCS.
HATE grammar awful, remarked
a young lady to whom something Lad
been said regarding thht study. "Do
you? replied an olieily matrop; '' no
douLt you will likeit better when you be-
come acquainted with it. t."-Bostou
, transcript.
: "SEE here, sir, said the leader of
: the minuet to the orchestra director,
"do You think we are on the way to the
funeral of n rich relative? Because, il
you do, you are mistaken. We are
dancing the miuuet. Play slower
Phil NeWS.
SUBSCRIBER wants TO know how
DR.. Holmes came 10 be called the Eau
. tocrat of the breakfast table" It is he.
Q cause that is the easi,pt position 10 as,
5 sumo in a boarding house. Were he
, the autocrat of the liuncr table he wou d
. have to carve.
, IN Washington, What does that
t figure on the capito ,eprcscnt?' Lib
8 erty." g Female figure is it not?"
Yes" Very pretty; but what kind
OF woman is this symbol Of liberty
and independence supposed TO be?"
" A servant girl, | believe. .''-Phitadet-
2'hia NeWs.
NATURE was wise when it ordained
, that chickens should not have teeth. If
it were possible to look into n chickens
!, mouth aud tell its age, like that OF n
horse, by its teeth it would be a square
, give away on the farmer who was trying
! to palm of an old hen as a young p,illct.
--Phitadetphia IerGid.