Middletown transcript., 1883-03-30
CHIPS.

hence when they meet there are ten
tugs Of war. The Secretary of War
should buy up those tugs Of war with
out delay, and then we would have a
navy.-Terds Settings.
"There's good deal Of sickness
around ~ said Mrs. McGill to a re-
porter, "some have the influential, and
others the tepid ammonia. [ have
noticed that these sickly winters are
alters unhealthful. Marathon Inde-
pendent.
The bell used at Wellesley College,
Mass, is from an ancient Buddhist
temple in Japan. This is why the stu
dents can't understand it when it calls
them to prayers Sunday mornings, and
many of them run out to see where the
fire is.-Rone Sentinel.
"You young rascals," cried the
owner of a small front-yard pond,
" didn't I tell you last week not to
skate on that ice ?'' "This amt the
same ice," piped one of the small Of
Tenders, "there's been a thaw since
last week. Elevated Rdilaoay Journal.
An exchange tells Of girl who had
Just returned from college. She was
witnessing a fire engine work. After
watching it for some time in mute as
tonishment, she said: "Who would
evah have dweamed such a vewy dimin-
utive-looking apawatus would hold SO
much wattah pol City Blizzard.
STRANGE" !" remarked Mrs. Brown
{" l have rung at Mrs. Smiths door
three times this week and didn't sue
ceed in raising anyone. guess the
family is out Of town" " Possibly, "
replied Mrs. Jones but Mrs. Smith
was telling me just now that she could
tell your ring among thousand. .
Boston Transcript.
A stranger recently entered restau-
rant on Austin avenue and asked for
some oysters. After he had eaten
them, he said to the waiter: I" | feel
very bad. I don't think those oysters
were fresh" Well, that's not our
fault. Why didn't you come last week
when they were fresh. 1t serves you
just right. "-Teras Syyftings.
Said lady, who wanted to go to the
theatre, to her husband, who was read
ing a newspaper "There is new
opera company coming to Austin, and
they are going to give Robert the
Devil.' What are they going to give
Robert the devil for-what's he been
doing ~ asked the husband, who is not
well up in opera music.-TeGas SJt-
ingS.
The Detroit Free Pree says that an
Indiana man who had voice like the
scream of a buzzard, cut his throat, and
the doctors not only saved him, but
now he has the sweetest tenor voice in
the West. Some of our public singers
should try the throat-cutting remedy.
The operation might prove fatal in
some instances, but their voices would
be improved, all the same.-NorriSt0acn
Herald.
Clarence Fitz Herbert sends us a
beautiful poem, beginning, ~ will
wait for my love at Hevven's gate. y
We think you are right, Clarence.
People who write that kind of poetry
seldom get any furthur than the gate.
You'll probably continue to wait there
long after the rest of us have passed on
inside, unless you reform and quit
writing poetry, and learn to spell
Heaven with one Burlington Hack
eye.
Smith Washington, an aged colored
African, whitewashed the fence of an
Austin banker for dollar and a quar-
ter, which the banker paid him in Mex
ican quarters at par. Several days
rolled away into eternity before Smith
washington had any occasion TO put
one of those Mexican quarters into cir
culation, but when he attempted to do
SO he was shocked at the twenty per
cent. discount. His feelings were hurt,
too. He lifted up his voice and said ::
"Jess ter think OBJ a banker, in whom
1 had ebery confidence in de world,
beating me out OBJ quarter OBJ a dol
lar. I lowed he was an honest man.
1 hadn't orter tuck de job in de fust
place." and then he added more cheer
fully But eff l hadn't tuck de job to
whitewash the fence, 1 nebber would
hab found out whar de chickens roasted,
and as I sold four dollars wuff OBJ
chickens next morning, de bank hain't
cotched up wild me yet. .''-TeraS SJt-
ingS.
AT SANTA FE. New Mexico, last