Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-03-24
"a I.TrTLE NONSENSE"

weighed four ounces"
"Eat onions, Sis" 10 the Boston Poa's
advice to maiden Who wants 20 know
how to avoid having moustsehe on her
upper lip.
"Arc you feeling very ills" asked the
physician. "l.ct me see your tongue.
please" "It's Of no use, doctor, replied
the patient; mo tongue can tell how bad
feel"
A little girl was walking along the
street, when she saw " very oow-isgged
man with a short coat OH. ''Oh, nia,"
she cried, There's man with tunnel
under him."
A doctor says that small feet signify
quick temper. Now everybody will 10
staring at his wife To see whether her feet
are large or small, aud no matter which
way the verdict il she wont be pleased.
A German paper reports tie case OF
woman who had muscle Of dog SUE
| ccssfully grated Oh her foot, and now
whenever she secs n cat size chases it 10 tho
top OF fence and stands below aud barks.
Hc-"May call you revenges" She
"Whyf" He-"Because revenge 10 80
sweet" She-"Certainly you may, pro-
vided YOU will let me call you vengeance"
He-"And why would You call mo ven
geancey" She-"Bscauss vonycsnre ID
mine" Aud she became his ia few
months.
A Cincinnati woman had her husband
arrested for abusing her, but the man was
discharged upon proving that she used "
back him up In corner several times
week aud beat him with broom handle.
When the broom handle broke aud hit her
| I'm the eye she considered herself fright
fully abused.
A lady wanted her little girl 70 battle In
a room the windows Of which opened Into
the yard, In which were some fowls.
"But," said the little girl, III don't want
to bathe before the chickens" ''Oh.
never mind the chickens" "Well, said
the little woman, IL won't bathe before
the rooster anyhow" .I....
A bear broke into the house Of Nevada
man recently, aud the mans vile thought
IL was her husband coming home drunk.
She didn't stop to light lamp, but began
operations. When the bear nnally got
away he didn't stop running I'LL ho had
travelled eleven miles, and he was such
sight that other bears wouldn't associate
with him.
Il young lady was looking d soms ho-
siery, and asked the blushing clerk: .s
"How do yos sell thcssw at the ssnss
tlmo holding up pair Of zebra colorei
ones.
"Those are worth % . pair, said he.
"Oh, my" twittersd the pretty crea-
ture, ,"they come pretty high ,ioa they"
"Y-y-y-yes," stamnsred tho bashful
youth, "th-th-tbey como p-p-pretty high.
but-but you're tall, you know"
At recent dinner party tbsre were two
sisters present, one widow who had just
emerged from her weeds. tho other NOS
long married, whose husband had lstsIy
gone to India for short term. A young
lawyer present Was deputed 10 take the
young widow In 10 dinner. Unf0rtanstsly
he was under the impresaion that bis
partner was the married lady whose hue
band was in India. The convsrsation be-
tween them commenced by the lady re-
marking how warm IL was for the season
Of the year. "Yes, IL 10 quite warm, re-
piled the lawyer. Then happy thought
suggested itself TO bin, and bs addsI,
with smile: "But is IL not ~ hot here -
IL is at the place TO which Jour husband
has gone" The lsok with which the
lady answered. this remark will haunt that
unhappy man till his death.
Not long ago man crossing railrosd
trssk Oh mule was struck By . locoa,o-
tive and killed. The mule was also hnr-
risd into eternity. The mAn while sober
was . gentleman, hat whom drunk Wa .
perfect tyrant OF the dsepest dye. With
out any provocation wha,sver he used ~
beat his wife and lock her up In the ward
robe, hence when she heard Of hIs death IL
Was not 70 much q case Of beav2 beresvr-
ment as Is was Of nitigsted sfiictiou. AZ
the engineer Of uie locomotive was clearly
to blame for the accident, it was suggestsd
70 tho widow that abe bring suit for dam
ages. She resolved 70 do - and called st
the Office Of the railway company. Tho
proper official happsbed 70 be To-. The
widow had such . clear ease against the
company that it was deemed sdvhabls 10
compromise the matter.
"Now, madam, said the oficial. after the
widow had thrown back her vsil and ststsd
her business, I'VE are willing 70 10 what
Ia fair In this matter. There n really no
occasion to 20 to law. Il 10 delicate ques-
tion TO discuss, 10 think. Without going
into the merits Of It, I win tender you .
check for 5000 and you will sign piper
releasing the company from ssy further
demands" sf
The widow stared. and asked, "Hew
much?" ese sir
81 am authorized - pay yos t3O00."
81 accept &c" she said, very much sgi-
tated. The check was handel ever, the
papers signed, and The widow walksd out
into the street In . bewildered frame Of
mind. As she casbsJ the check she said
70 herself conhdentially: al d1dnrexpect
70 get more than so, reckon that rail-
road fellow didn't know how old tbss