The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1883-06-20
THE BAD BOZ.
He Is Visited by his Uncle From the
Country.
Peck's Sun.

PecEs Sun.
II hear your Uncle Ezra is here on a
VISIT" said the grocery man to the bad
boy. 81 suppose you have been having
q high old time. There is nothing that
does boy more good than to have nice
visit with good uncle, and hear him
tell about old times when he and the
boys father were boys together
"Well, don't know about il" said the
boy, as he took stick of macaroni and
began to blow paper wads through it at
a woodsawyer who was filing saw out
side the door. "When boy who has
been tough has got his pins all set to re-
form, l don't think it does him any good
to have real nice uncle come to the
house visiting. Anyway, that's my ex-
perience. l have backslid the worst way
and it is going to take me a month, after
Uncle Ezra goes away, to climb up to the
grace that l have fallen from. 1t is darn
discouraging," said the boy as he looked
up at the ceiling in an innocent sort of
way, and hid the macaroni under his
coat, when the woodsawyer, who had
been hit in the neck, dropped his saw
and got up mad.
whats the trouble? Your uncle has
the reputation where he lives of being
one of the pillars of society. But you
can't tell about these fellows when they
get away from home. Does he drink"
"No, he don't drink, but as near as I
can figure it he and pa were about the
worst pills in the box when they were
young I don't want you to repeat it,
hut when pa and ma were married they
eloped. Yes, sir, actually ran away, and
defied their parents, and they had to
hide about week for fear mas father
would fill pa SO full of cold lead that he
would sink if he fell in the water. Pa
has been kicked over the fenc9, and
chased down alleys dozens of times, by
my grandfather when he was sparkling
ma, and ma was terror too, cause her
mother couldn't do anything with her,
though she is awful precise now, and
wants everybody tob be good. Why, mas
mother used to warm her ears, and
shake the daylights out of her, but it
didn't do any good. She was mashed OH
pa, and there was no cure for her except
to have pa prescribed for her as a hus-
band, and they ran away. Uncle Ezra
told me all about it. Ma haint got any
patience with girls now days that have
minds of their own about fellows, and
she thinks their parents ought to have
all the say. Well, maybe she thinks she
knows all about it. But when people get
in love it is the same now as it was when
ma and pa were trying to keep out of
the reach of my grandfather's shot gun.
But pa and Uncle Ezra and ma arc good
friends, and they talk over old times and
have a big laugh. l guess Uncle Ezra
was too much for pa in joking when they
were boys, cause pa told me that all rules
against joking were suspended while
Uncle Ezra was here, and for me to play
anything on him 1 could. I told pa I
was trying to lead different life, but he
said what wanted to do was to make
Uncle Ezra think Of old times. and the
only way was to keep him on the ragged
edge. I thought if there was anything l
could do to make it pleasant for my uncle
it was my duty to do it, SO I fixed the
bed stats on the spare bed SO they would
fall down at 2 a. M, the first night, and
then l retired. At two o'clock l heard
the awfulest noise in the spare room, and
a bowling and screaming, and l went
down and met Uncle Ezra in the hall,
and he asked me what was the matter in
there, and asked him if he didn't sleep
in the spare room, and he said no, that
pa and ma was in there, and he slept in
their room. Then we went in the spare
room, and you'd dide to see pa. Ma
had jumped out when the Stats first fell,
and was putting her hair up in curl
papers when we got in, but pa wass all
tangled up in the springs and things. His
head had gone down first, and the mat
tress and quilts rolled over on him. and
he was almost smothered, and we had to
take the bedstead down to get him out,
the way you have to unharness horse
when he runs and falls down, before YOU
can get him up. Pa was mad, but Uncle
Ezea laughed at him, and told him he
was only foundered, and all he wanted
was bran mash and some horse lini
ment and he would come out all right.
Uncle Ezra went out in the hall to get
pale Of water to throw on pa, cause he
said pa was afre, when pa asked me why
in blazes didn't fix the other bed Stats,
and told him didn't know they were
going to change beds, and then pa said
don't let it occur again. Pa lays every
thing to me. He is the most changeable
man ever saw. He told me to do every
thing Uncle Ezra wanted me to do, and
then, when helped Uncle Ezra to play
a joke ON pa, he was mad. Say, l don't
think this world is run right, do you? l
haven't got much time to talk to you to
day, cause Uncle Ezra and me are going
fishing, but don't it strike you that it is
queer that parents trounce boys for do
ing just what they did themselves. Now,
1 have got friend whose father is
lawyer. That lawyer would warm his
boy if he should tell lie, or associate
with anybody that was bad, and yet the
lawyer will defend man he knows is
guilty of stealing and take the money he
got from the thief, who stole it, to buy
the same boy a new coat to wear to
church, and he will defend man who
committed murder, and make an arg,l-
ment tc the jury that will bring tears to
their eyes, and thep will clear the mnr-
derer. Queer, aint it? And say, how is
it that we send missionaries to Burmah,
to convert them from heathenism, and
the same vessel that takes the missiona-
ries there carries from Boston cargo of
tin gods to sell to the heather? Why
wouldn't it be better to send the mis-
sionaries to Boston?. think the more
boy learns the more he gets mixed"
GXVoll bov,s your theatrap Have any