The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1883-05-01
THE BAD BOY.
ecs's sun.

came into the grocery smelling very
'horsey," and sat down on the chair
with the back gone, and looked very
tired.
20, darn the baby. Everybody
asks me about the baby as though it
was mine. I don't pay no attention
to the darn thing, except to notice
the foolishness going on around the
house. Say, l guess that baby will
grow up to be fire engine. The
nurse coupled the baby on to Sec
ton of rubber hose that runs down
into bottle Of milk, and it began to
get up steam and pretty soon the
milk began to disappear, just like the
water does when fire engine coup
les on to a hydrant. Pa calls the
baby old Number Two.' am
Number One and if pa had hook
and ladder truck and hose-cart and
a fire gang, he would imagine that ne
was chief engineer of the fire depart
ment. But the baby kicks on this
milk wagon milk, and howls like
dog that's got lost. The doctor told
pa the best thing he could do was to
get goat, but pa said since we 'niti-
ated him into the Masons with the
goat he wouldn't have goat around
no how. The doctor told pa the 9TH
er kind of goat, | think it was
Samantha goat he said, wouldn't kick
with its head, and pa sent me up into
the Polack settlement to see if
couldn't borrow milk goat for a
few weeks. l got woman to lend
us her goat till the baby got big
enough to chew beef, for dollar Il
week, and paid a dollar in advance,
and pa went up in the evening to
help me get the goat. Well, it was
the darndest mistake you ever see.
There was two goats SO near alike
you couldn't tell which was the goat
we leased, and the other goat was the
chum of our goat, but it belonged to
Nirish woman. We got a bed cord
hitched around the Irish goat, and
that goat didn't recognize the lease,
and when we tried to jerk it along it
rarcd right up and made things real
quick for pa. l don't know what
there is about a goat that makes it get
SO .spunky, but that goat seemed to
have grudge against pa from the
first. Ii there were any places OH
pas manly form that the goat did not
explore with its head, pa don't know
where the places are. y, it damned
him, and when lafied pa got mad.
1 told him every man ought 10 furn-
ish his own goats, when he had
baby, and let 20 the rope and start
cd OF, and pa said he knew how it
was, wanted him to get killed. 1t
wasn't that, but saw the Irish wo-
man that owned the goat coming
around the corner OF the house with
cistern-pole. just as pa was get
ting the goat out of the gate the goat
got crossways of the gate, and pa
yauked, and doubled the goat right
up, and thought he had broke the
goats neck; and the woman thought
so too, for she jabbed pa with the
cistern pole, just below the belt, and
she tried to get hold on pas hair,
but he had her there. No woman
can get the advantage Of pa that way,
for ma has tried it, Well, pa ex-
planned it to the woman, and she let
pa oil if he would pay her two dollars
for damages to the goat and he paid
it; and then I'VE took the nanny-goat,
aud it went right along with US.
But have got my opinion of baby
that will drink goats milk. Gosh !
1t is like this stuff that comes in a
spoiled cocoanut. The baby hasn'.
done anything but blat, since the
nurse coupled it on to the goat hy-
drant. l had to take all my play
things out OF the basement, to keep
the goat from eating them. l guess
the milk will taste of powder and
singed hair, now. The goat got to
eating some Roman candles me and
my cnum had laid away in the coal
bin, aud chewed them around the
furnace, and the powder leaked out,
and coal fell out Of the furnace on
the hearth, and you'd dide to see
pa and the hired girl and the goat.
You see, pa can't mix nothing but a
milk wagon, and he got the hired
girl to milk the goat; and they were
|just hunting around the basement for
the goat, with tin cup, when the
fireworks went off. Well, there was
balls of green, and blue, and red fire,
and spilled powder blazed up, and
the goat just looked astonished, and
looked as though it was sorry SO
much good fodder was spoiled; but
when its hair began to burn, the goat
gave one snort, and went between pa
and the hired girl like it was shot out
Of cannon, and it knocked pa over
a washboiler into the coal-bin, and
the hired girl in among the kindling
wood, and she crossed herself, and re-
Ipeated the catekism; and the goat
Jumped up on top of the orick furn-
ace, and they couldn't get him down.
1 heard the celebration, and went
down and took pa by the pants and