Smyrna times., 1883-08-22
Hotel Studies in Social Evolution

ed" remarked Mrs. Haphazard "she
wears the most beautiful diamonds
every morning." Mrs. Fungus was
the most gorgeous figure in the hotel.
She breakfasted in u black velvet
gown, with train and short sleeves,
and she commonly dined in blue satin.
She would have been called very pref
ty, but for somewhat aggressive stare
in her round light eyes, and lixity in
the lines of her graceful mouth and
chin which suggested not composure
so much as defiance You could not
look at her fair skin, her banged hair,
and her superfluity of gems and gold
chains, or listen to her laugh and her
grammar without thinking of trans
lated bar-maid. But she was perfectly
goOd-natured and unaffected. If her
manners were not fine, they were at
least easy, being those which had come
to her in the course of nature. She
was fond of talking with anybody who
would accept of her company, and was
an especial favorite with transient
young men, who found her pleasant
relief from the monotony of the smok-
ing-rOOm, and spoke of her as "gay."
Most of the boarderS felt in looking at
her as Carlyle's raw Scotch maid SER
want felt when, being shown Virgin
and Child in the National Gallery, she
could only eXclaim: "Oh my! how ex.
penEivew Mrs. Fungus did not look
like saint; but there was no rea
harm in her.
She never walked abroad; she never
drove; she never read; she never wal
seen with needle. She passed the
morning on the piazza, the Afternoon
ing loud if she had anybody to talk to
and otherwise cOntentedly taking eX
ercise in a rOcking-chair. The las
thing she thought of was the children
The late Mr.. Fungus had left her sew
eral pledges of affection, and she LEI
them entirely to Sarah, who in tur
left them alone. though sometimes
upon what occult principle of govern
. ment the boarders never could discove
she shook them. Thus it happene
that the children of Mrs. Fungus bC
e came the tyrants of the establismen
They played horse in the corridor
They jumped in the parlOr. They pu
the piano out of tune, and dislocate
.e the sOfa-springs, and broke the croque
re mallets. They stripped the fiOwe
y borders, and were terror to all d.
II mestic animals. They rushed to I'll
IS. dining-rOom as soon as the doors we
open, gave extensive orders, scramble
- for the dessert, filled the neighbour
|, guests with disgust, and drove Il
walters to desperation. The complain
~ of their noise and their trespasses we
the chief worry of the clerk; but the
was no remedy short of expelling Il
family. 1t never entered the head
ls Mrs. Fungus that for their own sal
the children ought to be taught l
spect for the rights of others, or tn
they had anything to gain by acqu
ing habit of self-contrOl. She caus
them, indeed. to be carefully dresse
3 in costly materials and in the lat'
style; and there maternal solicitu
'lic came to full stop.
Mrs. Fungus will be recognized
every visitor at Saratoga, at Lo
Branch, at the White Mountains,
all the fashionable resorts of the Unit
States; for she pervades all sectiC
and she flourishes in every season.
represents the first stage in the dev
'" opment of a series of types, evolv
from rude social origin, and tendi
yes toward a complex product not
'rk clearly discerned. She is only lii
we we removed from the primitive and lab
iOus ignOramus; changed conditions
existence have affected her imperft
Re ly; she has dropped old habits and
e not yet learned the new ones app
pirate to her new environment. In
next generation we shall observe
marked advance. The children, v
Tod are now the nuisances of hotel-co
dors, will be the swells of the billia
We room ana the Oeiies OF the piai
ly Young Fungus will never be gen
man; but he will early assume to b
cOnnoisseur in coats, cigars, sad'
horses and lawn-tennis. He will ha
~a hotels, as closely as his mother,
r what other home than a hotel has
ever known; and there he will bre
fast late, and call the barkeeper by
first name, and take leading and {
- matte part in the extraordinarily va
% copious and unlettered conversa
which is to be heard only in the of
of hotels and livery-stables. He
be fop and fool, with no thought
us, his own amusement; whether he
anything worse will depend upon
freaks of fortune-especially his
in business and his luck in marriag
He will never be an interesting
:. low. His sister will at least be an
iect of attraction. From a troU
some and over-dressed child, she
grow into pert miss, with profo
disrespect for her mother, and a s;
answer for strange gentlemen who
to amuse themselves with her.
2lly will quickly catch the accent and 1
w ner of q class much better educ
than her own; she will learn, b'
she has put ON long dresses, that
y monds at breakfast are in bad q
0s at fourteen she will be remarked
n-,n1 the elegance of her costumes; at fiji
the she will have carried self-culture t.
Cloth point of reading novels in The Sei
made Library, and favoring circumsts
d. she may even go so far as the lii
ian in publications of the Franklin Sc
'''' - series. After brief transition p
eTS of giggling flirtations with boys
anime will suddenly appear at the Sur
as lhe hotel as an experienced young
Fly and will take her place natural
the category of Piazza Girls. Lik
rest of those cOmpanionable yil
Trna. her object in life viii be to haye 2
-------- time. A good time implies q y
man; with whom she will alwa
4 ready for promenade outside tn
. lor windows, q whispered tete-a-t
dark corner, moonlight ride, 9
e.. seasonable row on the lake, or I
of French candy in the recesses
nc iSu th.cket.
U As for Mrs. Fungus, she, poor
IS an, will have gone of sadly when
nights of heartless and futile dal