National Republican., 1883-02-27

| Win broken nose and absent tooth3
Some one has played with him, gadsoothi
Whence came he by those darkened eyes
Those Jumps and bumps OF wondrous size
That on bis curly pate uprlseH
| Some meteor on him must have crashed
| 10 make him so supremely gashed--
| What MOI Itislll The nasher mashed
WASHINGTON, Feb. 90
| Coon Friday and Purim both fall on tho
same day this year.
| The Rome Sentinel says the slowest man
ever heard Of was who could not get out of his
own way.
| The London (England) Mail says that the
Old Testament company have completed their
| second revision, having sat rs times
STANDING before clergyman who was
about TO marry him, rustic was asked, "Wilt
| thou have this woman" &c. The man stared In
surprise and replied; Gay, SURELY Whoy,
kummed a-pupposP
| DICKENS made great sport Of the American
habit fspttlng. George Tlcknor, when on the
| continent, found the habit as common thore as in
America. In Italy well dressed people spat on
the floors OF the churches.
| The eagle feels best at height of 1900
| feet above the earth, while the minute you get q
man on the roof of horse block his knees begin 10
| weaken and he can't remember word beyond
" Feller ns."-DetrOh Free Press.
| A QUEER individual has been captured and
| placed In an asylum at Cartersvile, Ga. When
found he had horses skin wrapped about his
nude body. He had been devourlAg the dead ami
NAL and had been living on carrion for weeks.
| They have discovered new way of pre-
serving butter that 1t will last, they claim 100
| years. Why any one should want to eat such old
butter when he can buy some five years old at
any grocery is a question not before the house.
| Detroit Free Press.
| NORMAN MAcLEoD's story Of rather glut-
tonous Presbyterian minister who was used 10
look at dinner before saying grace and II II was
| 1t looked bad 1--WE are not, Oh Lord, worthy Of
o good one began. "Bountful Jehovah" &C.; II
the least OF Thy mercies."
A NEW square dance is called the National
Guard, and is composed Of squares and circles OF
a somewhat military character. The Polo quad
rifle, with its rapid all hand round, proved TOO
| much of circus TO please women, and has gone
| entirely out OF fashion.
| MILLARDET, Swiss mechanician, exhib-
| tied In London in the last century female figure
that played eighteen tunes on the piano with all
the motions of matmal liie the eyes following tho
movements Of the fingers on the keys, the pressure
| OF which produced the notes.
EMERSON, as q poet and essayist, was
rated sixth or seventh in his class in Harvard"
| writes Joshua Quincy, whose letters have just
been published. The names of the six or seven
geniuses greater than Emerson have unfortunately
escaped the memory Of the biographer.
Miss LILLE RUPP, a great beauty Of
Youngstown, Ohio, whose portrait appeared in
| the New York Graplae collection oftypos Of Amer
lean beauties, 1t has just been discovered, was
| married secretly last August at Bedford Springs,
in Pennsylvania, to Marshall Reamer, wealthy
| citizen of Louisville.
An English visitor at the falls writes homo:
4" III the matter of noise Niagara disappointed me-
| was not disappointed ia anything else" This is
one OF the handsomest notices Niagara has had in
many day We believe 1t was u lack OF local
color " that disappointed Oscar, and still another
tourist thought 1t not 80 wet as no had expected TO
fnd II.
BUMBLEToN gave forth his first conundrum
| the other day. He was at concert, and took one
of the best (vacanD seats. The usher came to him
and gently led him to a bench In the rear. Then
he asked Jones, "why am like an old paid biLT
and Jones replied, Because you're no account"
But Bumbleon wanted TO say something about
being reseated.
IT is related Of O man in Dakota town
| that the postmaster several times Informed him
that there was letter at the Office for him. Finally
| he asked " From what state did the letter comeT'
"ohio,' replied the postmaster. "Send 1t to the
dead letter office; that letter contains my grocery
bill. Confound that grocery man, he has dis
covered my location again"
A LEARNED professor, addressing one Of his
class, asked If he knew what animal magnetism
was. "I-er-er did know, but have forgotten"
was the answer. Calmly came the scathing re-
| jolnder, showing that even learned professors
sometimes have a sense of hnmor! "Gentlemen,
this is very unfortunate. Mr.. Jones, the only man
who ever knew. has forgotten what animal mag
| netism isr'
In walking home from church a French
gentleman, whose hair was limited to a fringe
or valance about hisihead, was musing upon the
words of the preacher, "the very hairs of your
head are all numbered" "All numbered, ehP'
he said to the apple Of his eye, who happened to
be on his arm. Well, If the dominic would but
give us the address, now, should like TO write for
some of the back numbers"
The congregation that attended the service
in the Willoughby Avenue Baptist church, In
Brooklyn on last Sunday evening witnessed
novel and interesting scene. This was nothing
else than the immersion by the pastor of tho
church of lady II years Of age. Perhaps the
most striking circumstance OF all was the fact that
the aged mother of the convert, who on the 18th
of March will celebrate her one hundred and Soc
ond birthday, sat In one OF the pews and wit
messed the ceremony.
IMMEDIATELY after the disclosure Of GER
tain little scandals among the Alexian Brothers at
st. Louis, Father Phelan, editor Of the Western
Va,chmon, wrote: Kitchen gossip has planted
pebbles In the shoe leather of royalty and thorns
in the inner periphery Of crowns. The maid SER
want has often skyrocketed the secrets Of empires
But another innocent looking adjunct Of the cul-
mary star chamber has thus far escaped suspicion.
When the stove opens its huge laws, look out for
disclosures. There is only one time when 1t is
safe TO inirust secret to astove, and that is when
1t is red hot"
THE Virginia City Enterprise tells of fight
that recently occurred IN that city between cat
and hive of bees in which the bees got decidedly
the best Of IT.. The cats attention was attracted
by the bees, and thinking they were some new
kind of game, dabbed viciously at them as they
passed In aud out of the hive. At last one day
the bees got angry and poured out OF the hive by
the hundred, aud darted for the fur of tabby.
The cat rolled herself into ball, and Bit splut-
tered aud clawed with all her might, but with no
effect as the bees kept stinglng as diligently as
| ever, Afler a time she was taken away, and was
a week recovering from the effect of the stlngS.
She cannot be persuaded 10 20 near the hive any
more,
IT was Sir John 7. W. Herschell who ad-
vanced the following statements For the benefit
Of those who discuss the subjects Of population,
war, pestilence, famine &C., II may be well TO
mention that the number Of human beings living