Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1883-02-23
How the Bad Boy Cured His Father oil
Incorporate Habits.

"1ou see ma was annoyed to death
with pa. He would come home full.
when she had company, and lay down
on the sofa and snore, and he would
smell like distillery. 1t hurt me TO
sec ma cry, and l told her would break
pa Of drinking if she would let me, and
she said if l would promise not to hurt
pa to 60 ahead, and / promised not to.
Then got my chum and another boy.
quite big boy. to help. and pa is all
right. We went down to the place
where they sell arms and legs, TO folks
who have served in the army, or saw
mill, or a thrashing machine, and lost
their limbs. and we borrowed some
arms and legs. and fixed up dissect-
ing room. We fixed a long table in the
basement, big enough to lay pa out on,
you know, and then we got false wh;sk-
erS and mOustaches, and when pa came
in the house drunk and laid down on
the sofa, and got to- sleep we took him
and laid him ont on the table. and took
some trunk straps, and sircingle and
strapped him down TO the table. He
slept right along all through it. and we
had another table with the false arms
and legs on, and we rolled up our
sleeves and smoked pipes. just like |
read that medical students do when
they cut up man. Well. you'd died
TO sec pa look ut us when he woke up.
i saw him open his eyes. and then we
began TO talk about cutting up dead men.
We put hickory nuts in our mouths so
our voices would sound different. 50
he wouldn't know US. and ! was telling
the other boys about what time we
had cutting up the last man we bought.
j said he was awful tough. and when
we had cut his legs OF and had taken
out his brain. his friends come TO the
dissecting room and claimed the body.
and we had To give il up, but | saved
the legs. / looked 1T pa on the table
and he began to turn pale, and he
squUmed around to get up but found he
was fast. l had pulled his shirt up I'M
der his arms. while he was asleep. and
rs he began TO move / took an icicle.
and in the dim light OF the candles. that
were sitting on the table in bottles, !
drew the icicle across pas stummick and
| said to my chum. Doc, | guess we
better cut open this old duffer and
zee il he died from inflammation OF the
stommick, from hard driaking. rs the
Coroner SAID he did Pa shuddered all
over when he felt the icicle going over
his bare stumnick, and he said: For
Gods sake, gentlemen, what does this
mean. L am not dead The other BOYS
cooked ut pa in establishment, and said:
We'll, we bought YOU for dead, and the
Coroner's jury said you were dead, and
by the eternal we amt going to be fooled
out of corpse when we buy one, are we
DocP MY chum said not If he knowed
his self. and the other students said: OF
course he is dead. He thinks he is alive,
but he died day before yesterday, fell
dead on the street. and his folks said he
had been a nuisance and they wouldn't
claim the corpse, and we bought it at
the morgue.' Then L drew the icicle
across him again, and l said: Il don't
know about this, doctor. L find that
blood follows the scalpel as cut through
the cuticle. Hand me the blood sponge
please Pa began to wiggle arouD1. and
we looked ut him, and my chum raised
his eye-lid, and looked solemn. and pa
said: Hold on, gentlemen. Don't cut
into me any more, and can explain this
matter. This is all mistake. | was
only drunk We went in corner and
whispered. and pa kept talking all the
time. He said if we would postpone the
hog killing he could send and get wit
nesseS To prove that he was not dead.
but that he was arespectable citizen. and
had "A family. After we bad held con-
sultatiOn l went TO pa and told him that
what he said about being alive might
possibly be true. though we had our
doubts. We had found such cases be-
fore in our practice East. where men
seemed to be alive. but it was only tenn
pOrary. Before we got them cut up
they were dead enough for all practical
purposes. Then laid the icicle across
pas abdomen. and went on TO tell him
that even il he Cas alive it would be
better for him to play that he was dead.
because he was such a nuisance to his
family that they did not want him, and
was telling him that had heard that in
his lifetime he was very cruel to his boy,
bright little fellow and n pet wherever
he was known, when pa interrupted me
and said: Doctor. please take that cary
ing knife of my stomach, for il makes
me nervous. As for that boy of mine.
he Is the condemndist little whelp in
this town and he isn't no pet anywhere.
Now, YOU let up on this dissectin' bust
ness and / will make it all right with
you?' We held another consultation and
then l told pa that we did not feel that
it was doing justice to society to give up
the body of n notorious drunkard, after
we had paid twenty dollars for the
corpse. II there was any hope that nc
would reform and try and lead differ
ent life, it would be different, and / said
TO the boys, gentlemen, we must do our
duty. Doc, You dismember that leg and
l VIII attend TO the stomach and the
upper part of the body. He will be dead
before we are done with him. We must
remember that society has some
claims on us. and not let our better
natures be worked upon by the post
morton promises of a dead drunkard.
Then took my icicle and began FUN
bling around the abdomen portion of pa 5
remains. and my chum took a rough
piece of ice and began to saw his LEG
of, while the other boy took
hold of the leg and said he
would catch it when it dropped Off
Well. pa kicked like n steer. He said
He wanted To- make one more appeal to
us, and we acted sort of impatient. but
we let up 10 hear what he had To say.
He said il we would turn him loose ne
would give us ten dollars more than we
paid for his body, and that he would
never drink another drop as long rs nc
lived. Then we whispered some more
and then told him we thought favorably
of his last proposition, but he must
swear. with his hand on the leg of a
corpse we were then dissecting that he
would never drink again. and then he
must be blindfolded and be conducted
| seNeral blocks AWAY frnr,n the hisrnntir. q,