The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-05-16

on crutches, with one arm in a sling,
one eve blackened, and a strip 81
court plaster across one side OF his
face. Where was the explosion, OF
have you been in a fght?"
20. there's not much the matter
with me-" said he boy, in a voice
that sounded all broke up, as hetook
q big apple off a basket, and began
peeling it with his upper front teeth.
aIf you think l am a wreck you
ought to see the minister. They had
to carry him home in instalments,
the way they buy sewing machines.
/ am all right, but they have got to
stop him up with oakum and tar be-
fore he will ever hold water again"
Good gracious, you have not had
a fight with the minister, have you?
Well. | have said all the time, and
l stick to it, that you would commit
Q crime yet, and 90 to state prison.
What was the fuss about? ?" and the
grocery man laid the Ratchet out of
the boys reach for fear he would get
excited and kill him.
80. it was no fuss. 1t was in the
wav of business. You see the livery
man that | was working for promot-
ed me. He let me drive a horse to
haul sawdust for bedding first, and
when he found | was real careful he
let me drive an express wagon to
haul trunks. Day before yesterday
there was a funeral, and our stable
furnished the outfit. 1t was only a
common eleven dollar funeral, so
they let me go to drive the horse for
the minister-you know, the buggy
that goes ahead ofthe hearse. They
gave me an old horse that is thirty
years old, that has not been off OF a
walk since nine years ago, and they
told me to give him a loose rein, and
he would 90 along all right. It's the
same old horse that used 20 pace so
fast on the avenue, years ago, but
didn't know it. Well. / wasn't to
blame. / Just let him walk along as
though he was haulingsawdust, and
gave him a loose rein. When We got
off the pavement the fellow that
drives the hearse, he was in a hurry
cause his folks going were to have
ducks for dinner, and he wanted to
get back, so he kept driving along
side of my buggy, and telling me to
hurry up, | wouldn't do it, cause
the livery man told me to walk the
horse. Then the minister, he got
nervous, and said he didn't know as
there was any use of going so slow,
because he wanted to get back In
time to get his lunch and go to a
ministers meeting in the afternoon,
but | told him we would all get to
the cemetery sooa enough if we took
ii cool, and as for me | wasn't in no
sweat. Then one of the drivers that
was driving the mourners, he came
up and said he had to get back In
time to run a wedding down to the
one o'clock train, and for me to pull
out a little. | have seen enough of
d~isobeying orders, and | told him a
funeral in the hand was worth two
weddings in the bush, and as far as
| was concerned, the funeral vas
going 10 be conducted, in adecorous
manner, if we didn't get back till the
next day. Well, the minister said
in his regular Sunday school way,
"My little man let me take hold
of the lines" and like a darn fool l
gave them to him. He slapped the
old horse on the crupper with the
lines and then jerked up, the old
horse stuck up his off ear, and then
the hearse driver told the minister
TO pull hard and saw on the bit a
little and the old horse would walk
up. The hearse driver used to drive
the old racer on the track, and he
knew what he wanted. The minis
ter took off his black kid gloves and
put his umbrella down between us
and pulled his hat down over his
head and began to pull and saw on
the bit. The old cripple began to
move along sort of sideways, like a
hog going to war, and the minister
pulled some more, and the hearse
driver, who was right behind, he
said SO you could hear him clear to
Waukosha, "Ye-e-up," and the old
horse kept on going faster, then the
minister thought the procession was
getting too quick, and he pulled
harder, and yelled whoa" and that
made the old horse worse, and | look
ed through the little window in the
buggy top behind. and the hearse
was about two blocks behind, and
the driver was laughing, and the
minister he got pale and said. "My
little man, / suess you better drive"
and / said, "Not much, Mary Ann ;
you wouldn't let me run this funeral
the way 1 wanted to, and now you
can boss it, if you will let me get
out, but there was a street car ahead
and all of a sudden there was an
earthquake, and when | come to
there were about six hundred people
pouring water down my neck, and
the hearse was hitched 70 the fence,
and the hearse driver was agking if
my leg was broke. and a policeman
was tanning the minister with a
plug hat that looked as though it
had been struck by a pile-driver,
and some people were hauling our
buggy into the gutter, and some men
were trying to take old PAGER out OF
the windows Of the street-car, and
then l guess | tainted away again.
o, it was worse that telescoping a
train loaded with cattle"
SWELL, / swan" said the grocery
man as he put some eggs in a funnel
shaped brown paper for a servant
girl. "What did the minister say
when he come to?"
"Sayl What could he say? He
Just yelled whoa" snd kept saving
with his hands, as though he was
driving. heard the policeman was
going to pull him for fast driving till
he found il was an accident. They
told me. when they carried mehome
in a hack, that il was a wonder
everybody was not killed, and when
l got home pa was going to sass me,
until the hearse driver told him it
Was the minister that was IN blame