The Baltimore County union., 1883-12-08
THE OLD SETTLERS AFFECTIONS.
As an Offset to them no Yearns for an Old.
Fashioned Bar Fight.

IT, MON ~ .NsW loFE WA.
"Well, Major said the Sheriff, as
the Old Settler came in, lii his pipe,
and took his seat by the Crissman House
base burner; ''got over your cold,
have you?'
ayes, b'gosh, hcv,' said the Old
Settler. "l'vc got over it, an r I
ever git mother one like it, want ye
all to un 'ers,an' that they'll be a fus'-
class funer'i TO our house, an I'll lead
the pcrcession. I'll jis' hist myself
over the river with dose o. lead pills,
one bcin' dose, an war'ntcd 4 sure
cure or money refunded. Then my
widder kin turn the house inter 4 per-
petyal quiliin'- bee T she wants ter, an
kin inj'y the roomytiz all she's mine
ter
"Oh, by the way, Major" said the
Sheriff, show is the old lady to.day?'
II you mean my ole woman, she's
toll able com'tablc, thank yc," said the
Old Settler, drawing long breath and
tapping the floor nervously with his
foot. "Shc's tol' able comftablc, thank
ye. She's pooty well done up with
the roomaiiz, but, ez | told her this
mornin', she's got heap to be thank
ful fur.
"Thankful fur?' says she. 'Ef they's
anythin' on the hemspear eE I've got
to be thankful fur says she, I'D be
pow'rful glad to hear yc sing out wat
it is, says she.
"I'll sing it, saysI. T'll sing out
what yc orter be thankful fur. Cause
ye hain't go, no imped'ment in yer
speech. sung an didn't pitch it
low, nuther. Cause ye don't stutter,
| sung. "Cause yc amt tongued tied,
b'gosh t'lmishty! Them's what ye got
to be thankful fur!' An yc could 4
heerd me singin' of it quarter OF a
mile. An boys continued the Old
Settler, emphasizing his remarks with
his favori,e humping Of his cane on
the floor, "cf they ever were a person
ez want tongue-tied, that person is my
ole woman !
There had evidently been some do
mesiic disturbance over At the Old Set
tiers house, and he was very percep,ibly
affected by it.
eyes, he went on, with an injured
air, al don't think I've ben treated jis'
right by M'riar. They alma ben no
summer fur twenty year ez I've had 4
better time long with thin the one jis'
past. The AMY didn't tackle me but
wunst, an went kinder easy with me
at that. I've had some o. the bullicst
kind O. scttin's round yer with you
fellers, and hev gone hum nights feelin'
like a fghtin' cock. They amt none
o. Mriar's folks ben a.visitin' Of me,
an none amt likely TO, b'gosh, least.
ways not fore Christmas, anyhow -
The fall season opened with me jis'
moie'n feelin' good, 4 gloatin' owe.
wat I'd ben inj'yin' an dotin' on
the bully times | was 'specting' to hev.
An now, on top O. all this, M'riaI
goes an gifts 4 spell O. tine roomatics
an spiles all my fun. i tell ye, boys,
b'gosh, it amt right. It's durn dis.
couragin', an I'll leave it to you il il
amt
"Discouraging to whom, Major9'
asked the county clerk. "You oil
Marial'
al dino W.T. I'll hev mex, said the
Old Settler, without noticing the county
clerk, but know wat | wanter hcv.
wantcr hev an ole fashioned bar
fight, that's wat | do, b'goshl Iwantel
hev jis' sich'n other rassel with bar
as had is 40, over on Pocono, we'en
| I fit fur more'n two mile with two big
uns, an spectin' third un up ev'ry
minute 10 take hand in an help 'cm,
but he didn't come, an laid the both
on 'cm low. Or, ct / can't git up sich
a picnic ez that, I'd take a leetlc spell
sich ez had the very ney' fall, wc'en
came across a wild cat an bar havin'
a rough-an' tumble 'twixt theirselfs ir
the woods back o. the Knob, an
pitched in wen see the cat gettin' the
best o. the bar, an jis' pulled ZEN
apart an toll 'em to call that round
an blow little fore they went at i,
agin. But, b'gosh, they didn't blow
worth cent, an didn't wait for me Il
call time, but both on 'em squar'd of
an buckled inter me. Course twain
none o. my business to interfere in III,
muss an tried to back out an let th,
bar an the cat settle their difficulty
'twixt 'cm; but they wouldn't hev it,
an the fus' thing l know'd wcr'
mixed up in the row the pootiest kind
an were rollin' round in the scrul
oaks chawin' dirt an sheddin' hair
meat, an hide jis' ez proper ez ef I'd
ben bar or a wildcat.
"Now, I'd nj'yed the recreation
to the top notch ef il hadn't ben that
KEEP thinkin' that I'd split the littl
game o. one or t'other o. the varmint
by diggin' in whar had no business
says to m'self, now this yer wildca
either b'longs to this yer bar, or thi
yer bar b'longs to this yer wildcat, an
the thing fur me to do is to jis' drol
out b'gosh, an climb tree an let 'en
chaw one mother till the bes' one wins
an then I'll come down and settle him
BY this time yc couldn't a-tole me, tn
wildcat, the bar, or the scrub oak
apart. I were durn kcerful, though
not to hurt neither the bar nor tn
cat, cause / felt so delicate bout in
lerierin' with one or t'other's o. thei
meat, an pooty soon see an openin
70 git out an make fer a tree, an | did
The wildcat had his teeth socked 'bou