Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-02-15
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Enquirer: No, we don't believe in
taking the bull by the horns. We tried.
taking q goat by the horns once, and
that was excitement enough for U.S.
Boston Post.
One of the quizzical weekies notes
that Christine Nilsson wears a sad and
troubled expression, with two rows of
pearl buttons down the center and
shirred around the bottom edge.-N. Y.
NeGUs.
"A fashionable lady, in boasting of
her new ''palatial residence" said the
windows were all of stained glass.
CHATS too badr' cried her mother;
''but won't soap and turpentine take the
stains out?''
Mr.. Nor, reading Virgil:
"Three times I strove to cast my arms
about her neck, and''-'that's as far as
got, Professor" ''Well, Mr.. Nor,
I think. that was quite farsenough." -
Wooster COtLegiG1s.
They say Judge Hilton, in his efforts
to keep up the house of Stewart, lost six
millions of dollars. We do wish we
knew where he lost it. We'd borrow a
lantern and wouldn't 90 to bed minute
for the next six weeks.-BaETti7lgtO7
Ha1ok-Eye.
1t was a Persian philosopher who
when asked why he named his son John
Henry, answered that it was to show his
sex aud prevent any one calling him
Nancy. There are fathers in this country
who should have thought of that.-De-
trott free Press.
-ssWhat is the difference betwane tho
youths and the min S departments at the
big clothing shop?'' asked an Irishman
of friend, and, receiving no reply, he
continued, because at the wan [ buys
me clothes and at the other l clothes me
| b'ys."-HGrUGrd LGn1pOon.
"A story is told of woman in the
| rural districts who wanted TO keep up
| appearances, who was often thwarted in
| this by her innocent and matter-Of-fact
daughter. One day, when visitor was
present at the table, the hostess said to
her daughter: "Where are all our
| knives P'' ''Here they are, both of them,"
was the astounding reply.-ChtcGgo
Nea0S.
DIR. Hall says it is very unhealthy
to live on the ground floor OF house.
/ Doctors right. AfellOw's creditors can
climb in on him with so little trouble.
| And then he loses all the joyous recrea-
ton of peeping out of an upper window
10 WdbCu WrdIulul GOnCSCOl SO1hO Ot4
the stoop and pull the bell handle half
way across the street, repeating the ae-
ton until the bell falls down or the
handle pulls .-B~rIington HG'0b-
Eye.
Mrs. Bezumbee's call: Mrs. Be-
zumbee, a tall, elderly lady, who
always dresses in deep black and
is very much given to making
calls, win from now on make no
more friendly visits to the mansion of
Colonel Barney Dayton. She was sitting
on the gallery surrounded by the family
when large turkey buzzard alighted on
a tree near the house. what large
buzzardr' remarked Mrs. Bezumbee.
'sIs that a buzzard?'' asked little Emily,
very much amazed. eyes, my child,
that's a buzzard.' - '4But it don't look
much like you '.Of course it don't
look like me. Who says buzzard looks
like meP'' asked Mrs. Bezumbee, indlg-
nantly. s.Why, ma does. Every day
when she sees you coming she says:
There comes that old buzzard again. y
Chicago Tribune.
The Montreal Witness says that at
Maitland recently a pump was inserted
/ 5-sJIod &I.rOy1Oh thirty feet Of