Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-12-26
PLEASANTRTES.

i" ARE you going to the funeral this
afternoon, Mrs. Flip?" asked one lady
of another on Broadway. "Well, yes,
If my husband doesn't bring home mat
inee tickets. 1.-The Ja4dge.
The christening of an infant arch
duchess of Austria occurred lately. This
fact came by cable. The name of the
royal infant will be sent over by steamer
as soon as the royal secretaries get it
copied. Chicago Herald.
| AN item is going the rounds to the
effect that church members embrace
three times as many women as men.
Yes, that is probably correct. There is
not much more than 25p per cent. as much
Jun In embracing men as women.-OH
city Derrick.
emo" said fond mother, speaking
proudly of her twenty -year.old
daughter: "no,, Mary isn't old enough
to marry yet. She cries whenever any
one scolds her, and until she becomes
hardened enough to talk back vigorous
~ she isn't fit for wife,"
"WHY is it that SO many eligible
young men go to Alaskan" asked Fifth
Avenue belle of a caller. "Well, I
should think, F." he replied dreamily, with
a far-away look in his eyes, s. it is be-
cause the ice-cream season lasts only
three months there. w Y. Journal.
"IF there is such thing as Justice
in this world, / mean to have it, is
what the burglar remarked, as he left
with his booty the house of the lawyer
who had charged him $500 the day be-
fore for clearing him when under arrest
| hnucO- h-soo
man.
CATER Robinson, what?" asked
| Massachusetts paper. And we thought
pair, and said F' Crusoe," of course.
And the intelligent composition came in
and busted the pot by printing it
! " Alfred Robinson" = BaLrL5nQtO7l
&; HHeOEeye.
A BALTIMORE woman by the name of
, Charity, struck her husband over the
head and nearly killed him. We are re-
quested to state that this is not the char
1ty that " suffereth long aud is kind. -
LoUeU Citizen. No; but it is evident
ly the Charity that a." begins at home."-
YonkeTa Record.
AN elderly gentleman, a prominent
citizen OF HiIlsborO, Texas, being In the
telephone Office, was informed that a
lady in Dallas wished to talk to him.
Immediately he arose, took off his hat,
primped his hair with his hand, and,
walking up to the instrument, said, SEAT
your service, madam.
OVERHEARD in barber shop: Modern
Elijah, who inclines to be facetious-
"I'm getting to be pretty bald, amt :?
Guess you'll have to cut my hair for
about half price, hereafter, eh ?" Ton
serial artist. who is equal to the emer-
gency-" Oh, no, sir; We always charge
double when we have to hunt for the
hair. - London Citizen.
A MICHIGAN girl told her young man
that she would never marry him till he
with brave heart to make it. =" How
are you getting on, George ?" she asked
at the expiration of couple of months.
"Well. " George said, hopefully, ''I have
saved $22." The girl dropped her eye
lashes, and blushingly remarked: 81
reckon that's near enough, George.
Twenty-Five dollars in cold cash looks
like coed deal Of money to Michi-
gan girl.
HONESTY is the best policy: Modest
youth" May I have the pleasure of
dancing with you, Miss Lightfoot !"
Miss Lightfoot Ito her mothers horror)-
" Thanks MOI My waistband is so tight
can't move, and so are my Shoes"
Modest youth, who is, let US say, an
earl of Richmond the First's creation,
six foot eight in his pumps, with eight
thousand year, and in every respect
the ideal of a young girls dream, is so
touched that he proposes on the spot
London Punch.
AS a car was Jogging It's way down
town few days ago, having but room
to seat two persons of ordinary size,
a very heshy man and woman got in.
| The woman sat down, taking up nearly
all of the vacant space, her neighbor
happening to be robust dame from the
Emerald Isle. That her companion
might also SIT, the newcomer said in
mild tone of voice, but with no cour-
tesy, '' move along" AS there was no,
room for such a proceeding. NJ move
ment was made and the words were re-
peated in tone of command, whereup-
on this reply was good naturally made:
"Do yes think yes can half whole car
for five cints ?"-B0stO1a Journal.
A MERITED R8buke.-One of the no.
torious troupes of snide barn -stormers
from the north were lately engaged In
assassinating Shakespearean extrava-
ganza at the Austin opera house. "Do
you wish an opera glass ?" inquired one
of the gentlemanly ushers, of a young,
beautiful and cultured lady. Thank
you, no, was the prompt reply; "but
if those asthmatic amateurs, whom the
management has rounded up in the
north and shipped down here for the
southern trade do not improve on their
articulation, would be much obliged if
you would try and hunt me up an ear
trumpet. "-TseaS Sift6ngs.
MRS. JENKINS" Dear me, Matilda
Jane, it's no use trying to be aristo-
cratic any longer. I've done everything
mortal woman could since your par did
so welIi lumber, but the obstacles is too
great. I give it up" Matilda Jane
SO Why, ma. think we're getting along
splendid, I'm sue. We don't eat with
our knives any more, and we've got so