The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-04-27
How the Bad Boy Stabbed His Pa.


"You see, heard ma tell pa to bring
I'D another bottle of liniment last night
When ma corks herself, or has a pair
anywhere. she Just uses liniment for al
that is out, and pint bottle don't last
more than q week. Well, told my
chum, and we laid for pa. This lini
ment ma uses is offul hot, and almost
blisters. Pa went to the Langtry show,
and did not get home till eleven o clock,
and me and my chum decided to teach
pa lesson. l don't think it is right
for man to 60 to the theaters and no,
take his wife or his little boy. So we
concluded to burgle pa. We agreed to
Law on the stairs and when he came up
nv chum was to hit him on the head
with dried bladder, and was to stab
him on his breast pocket with stick,
and break the liniment bottle and make
him think he was killed. 1t couldn't
have worked better if we had rehearsed
it. We had talked about burglars al
supper time, and pa got nervous, SO
when he carve up stairs and was hit on
the head with the bladder, the first thing
he said was burglars by mighty, and
he started to go back, and then
hit him on the breast pocket, where
the bottle was, and then we rushed
by him, down stairs, and / said in 3
stage whisper: Il guess he's dead
man, and we went down cellar and up
the back stairs to my room and un.
dressed. Pa hollored to me that he was
murdered, and ma called me, and ]
came down in my night shirt, and the
hired girl she came down, and pa was
on the lounge, and he said his life-blood
was fast ebbing away. He held his
hand on the wound and said he could
feel the warm blood trickling clear
down to his boots. l told pa to stuff
some tar into the wound, such as he told
.me to put on my lip to make my mus
tache grow, and pa said: My boy this
is no time for trifling. Your pa is on
his last legs. When come up stairs ]
met six burglars, and l attacked them
and forced four of them down and was
going to hold them and send for the
police, when two more, that l did not
know about, jumped on me, and 1 was
getting the best of them, when one Of
them struck me over the head with a
crow bar and the other stabbed me tc
the heart with butcher knife. Ihave
received my death wound, my boy, and
my hot Southern blood that offered up
so freely for my country, in her time Of
need, is passing from my body, and
soon your pa will be only piece Of
poor clay. Get some ice and put on
my stomach, and all the way down, fol-
am burning up Invent to the water
pitcher and got chunk of ice and put
inside pas shirt, and while ma was
tearing up an old shirt to stop the flood
of blood, asked pa if he felt better and
if he could describe the villains who had
murdered him. Pa gasped and moved
his legs to get them cool from the clot.
ted blood, he said, and he went ons
One of them was about six foot high
and had a sandy moustache. 1 got him
down and hit him in the nose, and if the
police find him his nose will be broke.
The second was thick set and weighed
about two hundred. / had him down,
and my boot was on his neck, and ]
was knocking two more down, when ]
was hit. The thick set one will have
the mark of boot heels on his throat.
Tell the police, when / am gone, about
the boot heel marks By this time ma
had got the skirt tote up and she stuffed
it under pas shirt, right where he said
he was hit, and pa was telling us what
to do to settle his estate, when mabegap
to smell the liniment, and she found the
broken bottle in his pocket, and searched
pa for the place where he was stabbed,
and then she begun to laugh, and pa got
mad and said he didn't see as death.
bed scene was such an almighty funny
affair, and then she told him he was moi
hurt, but that he had fallen on the
stairs and broken his bottle and that
there was no blood on him. and he said,
do you mean to tell me my body and
legs are not bathed in human gore,
and then pa got up and found it was
only the liniment. He got mad and
asked ma VIII she didn't fly around and
get something to take that liniment of
his legs, as it was eating them right
through to the bone, and then he saw
my chum put his head in the door, with
one gallus hanging down, and pa looked
at me and then he said: .Lookahere, if
l find out it was you boys that put up
this job on me, I'll make it so not for
you that you will think liniment is ice
cream in comparison l told pa ii
didn't look reasonable that me and nv
chum could be six burglars, six feet
high, with our noses broke and boot
heel marks on our neck, and pa he said
for us to 60 to bed alfred quick and
give him a chance to rinse off that lini-
ment, and we retired. Say, does my
pa strike you as good single-handed
liar?" and the boy went up to the coun-
ter while the grocery man went after q
scuttle of coal. "-Peck'S Sun.