Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1883-10-05
On the Half-SheN.

My While all der time says to me 4
Carl Dunder, il you vhas 10 be kilt by
9 butcher cart or ice wagon, or it some
shteampoat pillow you oopson der river,
i Vhas left nit no money. Why doan'
you pc insured NIT your life7''
s'Vhel, I thinks about dot a good deal.
it vhas my duty dot my White und Katie.
doan' 60 NIT der poor house if / can
help it, und / tink it vhas pest to get
some insurance. ! shpeak to nay frendt,
Sohn Places, about it, und Shon he says:
*"Of course you vhant insurance. You.
shall come into my lodge Of der United
Order of Half-shells. Dot vhas an order.
which only cost you one dollar year,
un if you die your family puts on sthyle
NIT der tousand dollar in gTeenpacks. T
calls a meeting right AWAY NIT your sa-
loon, und We put you through, like some
streaks Of creased lightning.
We'll, goes home und tells der old
vhomans und she says dot vhas O. X.
She doan like to see me die, but if some
SMALLPOX or yellow fever comes to De-
troit und takes me AWAY she likes to
hat a long funeral procession und built
me gravestone. vich reads dat Carl
Dunder vhas a good husband, a kind
fodder, ind dot he has gone to heaven
only aleede while before he vhas ready.
shpeak to my daughter Katie und sac
sheds some tears und dells me dot she
looks as cute as an angel in some mourn
ing gloze for me. So it vhas all right
und l shweep out my saloon und about
twenty men comes in dot eafnings to
make me half-shell.
"Oxcuse me if I vhas mad, und use
some words like pirate. MY friendt,
Shon Places vhas deere nit red cap on
his head und voice so solemn dot
feels shiils go up my pack. Hecalls der
meeting to order und says like to
shoin und pecome half-shell.
"Does he like peer?" asks some mans
in der corner.
':He does.' said Sbon Places.
"Und so do wei" yellsall der meeting.
und Shon says | vhas to come down nit
der peer. Dot vhas nineteen glasses.
"Den Shon Places be reads from a
pook NIT plue cover, dot men vhas dy-
ing cherry day so fast dot you can't count
'em' or Something's like dot, und he
calls oudt:
"'Vhat shall save dis MANI"
"Und eaferypody yells lager peerl'
Dot means l set him oop again, und dot
vhas nineteen glasses more! Den two
men take me und walk me all around,
und Shon Places he cries out:
'We vhas here to-day und gone to-
morrow! In der midnight, when eafery~
pody vhas ashleep, a tief comes und
shteals our life AWAY! What keeps dot
tief afar OFF,
''Und eaferypody groans out like he
vhas dying! Cool lagerp Dot means
vhas to set 'em oop again, und dot vhas
nineteen glasses more. Den Shon Places
he leads me twice aroundt und says:
''Carl Dunder, you thinks you vhas made
Half.shell alreay, but y III vhas mist4k-
en-. Put oudt your left hand! Dot vhas
goot. Now, my friendt What vhas der
foundation stone of liberty, equality and
brotection?'
"Und eferypody lifts oop his voice,
und groans oldt, All der lager a man
yhants!' Dat means vhas to tap fresh
key; und I pelieve DOT crowd drinks
more as forty glasses. I doan like it SO
previous like didt but my friendt Shon
Places tells me to lie down on der table
on my pack. und shut my eyes. When
[ vhas in bositicn he hit me tree dimes
NIT his fist in der stomach, und CRIES
oudt:
ACA AIC VildS dl1l0 uC V1ldS k1uu
nit der boor; when he vhas deadt we
forget his faults! Brudders, What vhas
der great principle dot leads to charity
und penevolcnce?'
''Und eaferbody shumps to his feet,
und yells oudt: Some more lager and
cigars? Well, set 'em oop once more,
and den I vhas so madt dhot l take nv
Club and Glenn dot crowd out init der
street. I belief he Vhas fraud on me.
I belief dot Shon Places tells all der
pcy.s, and it vhas put up shob. lose
my peer and cigars, and somebody car
ries off more as ten bottles of whisky
from my par, und I vhas no more half
shell as you are. If dot vhas some
vhay to insure me so dot my White and
Katie hat some mourning goots und buy
me grave stone nit lamp On top, I
&C oudt Of pollytics right away. Oxcuse
mo dot I shed some tears, and kick
oafer the shairs und tables, for / 'vhas
Inadt like some cats on a glozeline."-
Carl Dunder, in Detroit Free Press