Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-09-21
Our KALEIDOSCOPE,

ANOW lnc bOIScDuS summer walter al tne
seaside hotel rcturneth TO his 7x9 college
dormitory, and putteth his swa low-tail and
white vest in pawn, AID ..dCdncth his
secdy garments, aud liveth upon crackers
and Goldfish. Verify, he lovcth wisdom.
ooh yes" said Mrs. Dlgogs, Il enjoyed
the Adirondacks immensely. But | have
corns on both shoulder blades, from sleeping
on what they call good beds in those re-
gions."
There is man in Georgia who eats in one
county, sleeps in another, works in third,
and drinks his whiskey in fourth. lie is
not the Democratic nominee for governor
but simply occupies q shanty at the corner
where four counties meet.
In a recent cyclone out west feather
bed was carried thirteen miles across
country, and one of the local papers subse-
qucntly reported a shower of potato bugs
along the desolate district. Strange that
editors have so little knowledge Of natural
history, when they know everything else.
A Massachusetts woman who had not been
able to stand upon her feet for ten years was
miracnlously cured, the other day. A bad
BOY threw mouse into the room, and in less
than eight seconds the invalid had hoped
across the room on three chairs and was
standing on top of the bureau with her clothes
wrapt around her ankles
There is some talk out west of erecting a
monument to Frank James because he never
wrote poetry.
1t is slid that the oyster supply is gradual
lY diminish NJ managers of church festivals
will be in despair.
The New York Jouyaal SAYS, 1.-TWO men
were drowned in Like Champaign, near
faltsburgh, last Sunday, by the capsizing of
asallboat.' Shows what queer blundcrs an
editors habits will make INN commit.
a writer in an agricultural exchange
says, Let us try to breed AS many twenty
one pound COWS MS possible, with constitu.
tons and digesions that eau bear severe
test Yes, lets; twenty lone pound cows
would be 50 handy to have around, and they
couldn't kick the milk pail over either.
a floating debt-the United States navy.
Little Freddie (iatc to brelkfast.) Papa,
what is the difference between me AMI those
baked pDtatOcs:' Give 1t up, Freddie"
"Why, tho potatoes Early Rose, and
didn't"
Like cures like" as the young husband
stid, who had been married eighteen
months.
An excl ange has an article on the Con
sumption of Tobacco" We were afraid
that the removal of the tariff would iniure
the health Of This delicate Creature.
y Temperance writer makes the strkingly
original assertion that alcohol d,ceves. ~
No, 50 bad as church festival oyster soup,
though.
man recently told the dismal story at q
p lice station, that nearly all his wearing
apparel and personal effects, even t. his
shrt, had been stolen" 1t was true. lie
himself was the thief.
The ''lirst through Tramp has Just raised
ogcy the n r,hern pacllic railroad. He was
after the golden spike but arrived little toe
ia'e.
The way the Shah of Persia has of manag
ng horse races is recommended TO Fair man.
ayers. The competitors all deposit the en-.
trance money with his Majesty, and when
the race is finished the Shah coniisca,es
the winning horse and keeps the entrance
money.
People have different ways of enjoying
themselves with telephone wires. A Massa.
chusetts man hai lots Of fun with one, the
other day. He was riding along on load OF
hay, and the wire took lin off the road, re-
moved two teeth, and dropped him into a
barrel of soap in a passing team. lie made
his telephone box feel tired when he 90
home, though.
Short and swcct--the young man and his
ice-cream girl, respectively
There seems to be considerable aversion
to the new postal notes. Did you ever
know a new thing that was just right?
Eight citizens of Denver recently locked
themselves up in Il dark room and shot at
each other with revolvcis until six were kill
ed, If the room had not been dark, the
mortality would probably not have been SC
great.
|, is said that the cucumber crop through
out the country has been sadly nippcd by
the late frdsts. Glad OF it. Now the cucum
Der knows how it feels itself
Sitting Bull has got lung disease. We al
ways thought that giying up the war-whooI
and breathing hay seed wouldn't agree will
he old man.
liS,09l different kinds of pa eut medicin,
were prepared in Japan last year. No won
der the Japanese are little dried up fellow,
with bilious compilations.
About half of the 30, coo Christian In
diars in the United States are Baptists
Strange they shosld have dropped into the
very religious denomination whose Christ
ian Offices they most need
At the French lottery Offices it used to be
Il custom TO keep separate register Of the
lucky numbers which had been suggested by
dreams, they were 50 numerous and So re-
markablc. In American lotteries register
is also kept, but it is only Of the ticket
Iii. 4, 4