The banner-enterprise., 1883-05-10
THE BAD BOY ALL BROKE UP.
BADLY WRECKED BY POOLING WITH
AN OLD PACEC.
lie Drives a Minister to FuneraI--The Re-
suit of saying "Ye-up" TO n Former BOSS
of the Road,

lie Drives Minister to a Funeral--The Re.
of the Road.'
"Well, what's the matter with you,
now?' said the grocery man to the
bad boy, as he came in to the grocery
on crutches, with one arm in "a sling,
one eye blackened, and strip of court
plaster across one side of his face.
"Where was the explosion, or have
you been in fight"
"Gh, there's not much the matter
with me-" said the boy, in voice that
sounded all broke up, as he took big
apple off basket, and began peeling
it with his upper frontteeth. "If you
think am wreck you ought to see
the minister. They had to carry him
home in installments, the way they buy
sewing machines. l am all right, hut
they have got to stop him up with
oakum and tar before he will ever hold
water again"
"Good gracious, You have not had y
Sight with the minister, have you?
Well, have said all the time, and |
stick to it, that you would commit a
crime yet, and go to State prison. What
was the fuss about2' and the grocery
man laid the hatchet out of the boys
reach for fear he would get excited and
kill him.
"Oh, it was no fuss. 1t was in the
way of business. You see the livery
man that was working for promoted
me. He let me drive horse to haul
sawdust for bedding, first, and when
he found | was real careful he let me
drive an express wagon to haul
trunks Day before yesterday there
was a funeral, and our stable fur
nished the outfit. 1t was only a com
mon eleven-dollar funeral, so they let
me 60 to drive the horse for the min
ister-you know, the buggy that go's
ahead of the hearse. They gave me
an old horse that is thirty years old,
that has not been off walk since nine
years ago, and they told me to give
him loose rein, and he would 60
along all right. It's the same Old
horse that used to pace so fast on the
avenue, years ago, but | didn't know
it. Well, l want to blame. just
let him walk along as though he was
hauling sawdust, and gave him u
loose rein. When we got off Of the
pavement the fellow that drives the
hearse, he was in hurry, cause his
folks was going to have ducks for din
ner, and he wanted to get back, so he
kept driving alongside of my buggy,
telling me to hurry up. | wouldn't
do it, cause the livery man told me to
walk the horse. Then the minister,
he got nervous, and said he didn't
know as there was any use of going so
slow, because he wanted to get back
in time to get his lunch and go to a
ministers meeting in the afternoon,
but told him we would all get in the
cemetery soon enough if we took it
cool, and as for me l wasn't in
no sweat. Then one Of the drivers
that was driving the mourners,
he came up and said he had to get
back in time t. run wedding down
to the l o'clock train, and for me to
pull out a little. | have seen enough
of disobeying orders, and l told him a
funeral in the hand was worth two
weddings in the bush, and as far rs |
was concerned, the funeral was going
to be conducted in a decorus manner,
if we didn't get back till the next day.
Well, the minister said in his reg liar
Sunday-school way, My little man,
let me take hold of the lines and like
a blame fool | gave them to him.
lie slapped the old horse on the crup-
per with the lines and then jerked up,
and the old horse stuck up his off car,
and then the hearse-driver told the
minister to pull hard and saw on the
bit little and the old horse would
wake up. The hearse-driver used to
drive the old PAGER on the track, and
he knew what ne wanted. The
minister took off his black kid gloves
and put his umbrella down between
us and pulled his hat down over his
head and began to pull and saw on the
bit. The old cripple began to move
along sort of sideways, like a hog
going to war, and the minister pulled
some more, and the hearse driver, who
was right behind, he said so you could
hear him clear to Waukesha, Ye cup,
and the old horse kept going faster,
then the minister thought the process
sion was getting too quick, and
he pulled harder, and yelled
whoa, and that made the
old horse worse, and looked through
the little window in the buggy top be-
hind. and the hearSe was about two
blocks behind, and the driver was
and the minister he got pale |
and said, My little man, l guess you
better dive, and l said, Not much,
Mary Ann; you wouldn't let me run
This funeral the way wanted 10, and
now you can boss it, If you will let
me get out but there was a street car
ahead and all of sudden there was an
earthquake, and when | come to there
were about six hundred people pour
ing water down my neck, and the
hearse was hitched to the fence, and !
the hearse driver was asking if my leg
was broke, and policeman was fan
hing the minister with plug hat that
looked as though 1t had been struck
by a pile-driver, and some people were
our buggy into the gutter, and
some men were trying to take the old |
PAGER out of the windows of the street
car, and then | guess | faintel away
agin. oh, it was worse than telescop-
ing train loaded with cattle
"Well, | swan,' said the grocery
man as he put some eggs in funnel
shaped brown paper for a servant girl.
" What did the minister say when he