The Osceola times., 1883-07-14
OLD AND NEW.


Brooklyn Eagle.
"Since my eyes gave out" remarked
the old man sadly, as he scrutinized the
books on the reviewers table, "since my
eyes gave out haven't been able to do
any readin' and I've lost the run of the
present style of novel. Are they much
different than they were when ] was a
boyw
"They haven't changed any," replied
the reviewer kindly. 81 shsuld say they
were the same now they were 20 years
ago." - ;,
love but theer and fall on her knees and
pray high heaven to spare him, when he
goes to work and jumps overheard to
rescue her hated rival from shark? /
used to just get right up and turn round
whenever came to that part. Have
they altered il In any way? hope not
for the sake of old times and recollec-
dons."
That's the point on which the last
new novel turned" murmured the re-
viewer. "Only it wasn't a shark. He
saves the hated rival when she is threat
ened by an alligator. They go mostly
on Tnjuns' lately"
"That's it," exclaimed the old man,
with glistcning eyes. The same old biz.
The brave trapper says: Back to thy
wigwam, savage, or by the settin' sun /
had slew thee with these hands, ere thou
hadst laid impious touch upon the pale
daughter of the white facev and then the
Injun skedaddles out and sneaks OIL, and
sets up jobs ON the young girls lover:
Oh! Pm onto all that style, you know.
When used to read these things just
wanted to cover myself over with red
paint and tear the hair out of the plaster
ON the walls"
"And the Indians catch the girl, and
the young lover cmwls up the night be-
fore they are going TO burn her at the
stake, and cuts the rope and puts her on
. the neck of pony, springs up behind
her, and with demoniac laugh speeds
away TO his mountain fastness. That's
the racketw and the reviewer, who had
lmOlutU tic Oiu man \ cnttluSIHSHl, Tu0-
bed his hands and forgot his debts.
IL don't see how them writer's think of
all these things" pondered the old man.
Then there was the fellow who used to
defy the millionaire father and run away
with the girl and get married in his
overalls. Do you ever hear how he
made out to get another jobg
Hes just the same as he was when
lx.x Va, 4 l.,
he makes fortune in Wall street now,
and then takes the father in as Junior
partner in some scheme that lands them
both in Jail, and the girl elopes with an
actor"
"Of course, you've got to expect some
improvement rs you grow Older" conce-
ded the old man with sigh. "The
world don't stand still. How about the
murderer nowadays? Does the young
man with broad shoulders take him by
the nap of the neck and say: 'Houndl
thou hast forfeited thy dastardly life,
but in the light Of the happiness that
has dawned upon me thro' the miscar-
riage Of thy Vaccinations, | let thee go!'
And then does the murderous 'vilyun'
slink away and fall into the water as he
crosses the canal? That's another thing
that used to trip me every rattle In
fact, it just broke me all up / have
seen the time 'afore' now have almost
bored hole in the cellar door with the
top of my head over sich like"
"He's the same old murderer" replied
the reviewer. There hasn't been any
change in him, except once in a while
he turns out to be an Irish informer, is
paid for his testimony, gets drunk on the
profits and dies Of delirium tremens."
That's new name for it," remarked
the old man. "But suppose they get
stuck for something fresh once in a
while and have to keep up with the de-
mands Of the times. How abous the old
bank president who wouldn't forgive his
daughter when she ran away with the
honest young pirate?"
"By the way, there's something new
about him" exclaimed the reviewer.
They used to make him die of apo
plexy, but under the new laws they have
the cashier default and take away all the
old mans property to keep from paying
the depositors. Then the pirate brings
out lot Of gold cups and old coins, and
such like, and starts the old man in an
other bank, and they all get rich togeth-
err
uon tnink tnat = Us goou as the
other" complained the old man, shaking
his head. Apoplexy was more sure, and
it didn't give him chance to default on
the unsuspectin' pirate"
That's go" admitted the reviewer
"Then there was the young girl who
took in sewin' rather'n marry the old
gentleman with the gout. Is she git
tin purity stiddy work all the time now,
or does she marry the object of her
choice?'
''0h! that's all been calcimined and
whitewashed," retorted the reviewer.
Now she is taken with diphtheria and
dies in the young mans arms"
Thank God I've lost my cyesight for
readinr" calculated the old man fervcnt-
ly. mot any of that ONO my plate, il
YOU please. Why, sir, I've enjoyed that
young woman's maxim shirts for q cent
apiece until my handkerchiefs gave out
An then her bein' insulted by her en-
ployer's son until she had to give up the
store, and peg shoes, where she was
found by the distracted lover and mar
ried by the justice of the peace, and ta-
ken to his elegant brown stone mansion
say. have they busted al that up?'
II haven't seen anything of il lately,u
replied the reviewer
Then don't want any more novels in
my sonp," growled the oil man, outrag.
ed beyond description. They've spoil.
ed the whole business, and it breaks me
all up. You bet Jest banked on tina,
ere girl, an eff what you tells me is all
so, why none OF my children read any
more novels until they jist git back "a
the old healthy toner and the old man