Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-09-23
Mark Tw sins Exercise.
ElBlird advertise

Mark TwRin's Exercise.
BBuirq advertiser.
Marx Twain went to EImira last sum-
mer to find a quiet place to write. He
became somewhat out Of health, and
ore day recently he was interrupted by
the family physician, who called to
make a friendly visit. Into his SYM
| pathetic ear was poured the tale OF the
humorist's woes, and after a moments
| consultation he remarked:
"ClemenS, what you need is exercise"
With a look of gentle reprOach which
| soon changed to anxious innocence, the
hero Of many an experience Of rough
ing il lin pictures), and tramps at home
and abroad ION paper, made reply:
"Well, that's all right, but who's 60
ing to do it for me? You see," he con.
tinued, ''the men on the place are all
busy, and the children amt big enough
to accomplish anything and"
"You must do it yOurselfv' was the
professional stop put to his demur.
"Do it myself? How in thunder do
you expect-why, what a / do?
There amt a gooOd poker player on
this hill, and the hammock broke down
yesterday, so / can't Use that"
mo, no." interrupted the doctor,
"you must have active, exertive exer-
else; something that looks like work,
you know! You can walk down town,
or swing dumb bells, or chop wook,
or"
"Hold on, you've struck it, *
claimed Mark. "Ipl chop woodw
BEST thing you can do" said the
doctor, as he took his leave. at brings
into play 81 many varied muscles, ex-
pands the chest, deepens the inspira-
ton and superinduces a more bOuntiful
~oxygenation by the beautiful process of
enGOsmosis and exosmOsis, and hence
the red corpuscles-"
"Here, have q cigar" said Twain,
pushing q box before him, land let up
on Moses"
"Iou mustn't smoke, you kuOw," the
doctor said, as he picked out 3 weed,
"Oh! no, I've stopped smoking" said
Twain, as he carefully placed a sheet of
copy paper over the three old stumps
and a brier pipe. 81 found that it dis
agreed with my family long ago"
The doctor de parted, and Clemens,
with i glow Of renewed health already
shining in anticipation on his brow,
took one of the farm hands from the
harvest field and sent him to town after
a new AK. He returned with the tool,
bright.biaded, sharp. edged. Finally,
thinking he had the hang OF the thing,
Clemens had the man hitch up aud
drive up the road about a mile to a
piece of woods. The members of the
family went with him to look for
flowers and berries while he chopped.
Arriving at the desired spot, he care.
fully took out the ak, unwrapped the
old coat, and laid the tool down beside
the stump OF Il dead pine. The family
wandered away, picked one or two
flowers, and then hastened back, as
they heard him shout their names.
"I've done enough for today" he
said, as they came q They saw
four blisters on his hands and . piece Of
new leather shining on enc OF his boots,
but no wood lying around. However,
they said nothing aud went home; the
hired nan carrying the ak
That evening, sitting on the piazza,
applying arnica to his hands, he said:
ats hard work, but Pm goingto keep
it up! It's splendid exercise, and just
see how it has built up other great men!
Why, you know, Greeley prolonged his
life many years by choPping at Chap;
paqua, and Gladstone Is alive yet and
making things hot in Egypt Only by
reason Of the beneficial results ofan
hours choppiDg every day. You wait
= month and see me! I'll be able to
fight Tug Wilson and row Courtney and
out talk Beecher."
All this was several days since.
Clemens noticed his new ak lying
where he hsd lett it on his return from
his Initial trip, its brightness changed to
reprCachful rust. Conscience smote
him. He would resume exercise. He
would attack anew the monarchs OF the
forest. He would acquire muscle. So
he boldly marched for the same piece
OF woods and began operations on the
old pine. But a few minutes had
elapsed before a six-foOter appeared be-
fore him and the following colloquy
ensued:
Now, you skin right out o. here,
young man! These Is my woods, and
you'll learn to let folkses property
alone after I'm through with ye! Git,
noww
Searching on bis forehead for an i'm
aginary bead Of sweat, Twain glanoes
obviously at the enraged bucolic, and
said:
"WeIl, wh-what-seems-to-be-
the matter with yo"
Matter, I'll show ye! Tryin' to steal
my wood"
'But, mylgood man, 1 don't want
your wood?"
"Then what are you cutting 1t forS'
why, for exercise, that's all. the
doctor said"
"Oh, that's too thin! Exercise!
You look like \ man that would do any
thing for exercise. Now with re.
newed energy, you get right out o.
here! Right out" and the farmer
made threatening advances.
"But-but-loOk here, my good man,
you don't know who l am. You are
talking to "a"
"Yes, / do know. You're that
Clemens. I've heard about your being
here about four weeks ago, aud Eve
hak my eye on you ever since! Now
picking up a pine rootl. you git"
Clemens took up the AK, cast 3
withering look on the bucOlic, and sad
ly climbed out Of the wood. over the
fence, and out Of danger, the voice OF
the enrsged landowner sounding In