Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-07-16
FUN FOB The LADIES.

\ rellc-hunter-A fellow enueavorlng
10 capture widow.
After all, there is something first.class
about the graduates OF school.
Society Item: Mrs. Otto Karl Schut-
zenhimmel gave a small German last
evening to her husband.
While her mother was taking a fly
out of the butter, little Daisy asked: sis
that butterfly, mamma"
MIR. Henry Cake was arrested the 9TH
er night for beating his wife with
club. Sort of pound cake as it were.
To be anything at Newport a young
lady must have a village cart and
donkey of her own. The donkey calls
about lunch time.
An amorous swain who is counting
girl and trying to please the old man at
the same time, is said to be very par
ticker In his attentions.
An Indian woman applied for a di-
voTce on the ground of extreme cruelty,
because her husband was continually
stealing her face powder to shine up MS
big brass watch chain.
Can O man marry his deceased wife's
sister in any part of America?-Eng-
lishman. Not unless the sister Is will
ing, and as a general thing she isn't.
She knows him too well.
A princess who yawned-"What"
said a young beau, you haven't noticed
what dumpish, stupid girl she Is? It's
positively frightful. 1never called on
her that she didn't so to sleep in half
an hour"
Shingles were split in Tennessee the
other day, and women who are obliged
TO split kindling in the morning are
thinking seriously of moving to Ten
nessee, where the elements are more
considerable than thoughtless husbands.
An exchange informs its readers that
servant girls are flocking to China.
American servant girls always were
death on that kind of crockery. China
needs to keep her weather-eye opener
the domestics may succeed in breaking
her.
A middle-aged lady applied to Mr..
| Barnum for the position of circus man.
ager. When asked about her prof.
| cheney, she naively replied that she had
been married three times, and il any
one could explain the word circus she
was the person.
II am subject to, light headed SPELLS"
remarked lady to her guests recently.
| OF course, each and every one had =
sovereign remedy, but none proposed
certain cure until her little son spoke
! out: "Why don't you straighten your
wig on, ma"
"What do you think of the mountain
gorges, Mr.. Spicer?" asked Miss Lady
| bird of her neighbor at the hotel table.
SWELL" said the other thoughtfully, as
| he looked around him, 81 think that
old anaconda at the head of the table
has gorged himself about up to his col.
lar button"
"Why didn't you stand aside and let
that woman pass >" asked q policeman
of negro. "iCase she Is my wife, sab.
| She 1nakss me STAN roun' at home, but
when ketches her on der street lets
| her take her chances, sab. Eff yer wan
ter see q man wild p'liteness born in
him, come up ter my house an see dis
ole man hop roun' de yard"
Harper's Bazaar Is authority for the
dictum that widow should be married
in bonnet. In our opinion this idea is
wrong. By the time the widow has Sc
leeted the style Of bonnet in which
she wishes to appear at the ceremony,
| the groom will have lost patience and
gone elsewhere for wife. The best
thing for widow to be married in is in
q hurry. Unless she has money. Then
she can take her time.
Young lady Tin undertene to friend