Connecticut western news., 1883-01-03
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Gould have a leg if came after it tomorrow ?" asked the poor little girl; softly.
 "What, haven't you got whole tur- key?"
 "Never had one in my life," said the child. -s
 "Then you shall have this one," said the little lady with the huff. ''Mr. Martin, have some money in my sav- ings-bank at home, and my papa said could do just what I wanted to with it, and I'm going to buy the turkey for : this little girl"
 Ihaven't room to tell you all about it, but the poor little girl took the big turkey home.
 "What's this ?" said papa, when he got the bill, ''another turkey, eighteen pounds, $3.60."
 "That's all right" said the little miss who had the muff. 'I bought him, and gave him to poor little girl who never ate one, and the money is in my iron bank"
 The bank was opened and there were four large pennies in it.
 YOUNG MAN IN PERIL.
 There is 8 young man in Detroit, the Free Press says, who is going to be ter ribly astonished before the year 1883 is more than month old. The law will reach out and clasp his throat just above the Adams apple, and he will get such 8 shaking up and mopping around that he will seem to feel his heels beating tat too on the back of his neck.
 They were in to see lawyer lately Mary Ann and her mother. Mary Ann was little embarrassed, but the old woman was calmness itself. When they spoke about breach of promise case the lawyer asked:
 "What evidence have you got?"
 ''Mary Ann produce the letters,' commanded the mother, and the girl took the cover off willow basket and re- marked that she thought 927 letters would do to begin on. The other 65l would be produced as soon as the case was fairly before the court.
 "And outside of these letters ?" queried the lawyer.
 ''Mary Ann, produce your diary, " said the mother. 'sNow turn to the heading of Promises and tell him how many times this marriage business was talked over."
 ssThe footing is 214 times." answered the girl.
 ''Now turn to the heading of Darling and give us the number of times he has applied the term to you"
 eff I have figured right the total is 9254 times"
 "I guess you counted pretty straight, for you are good in arithmetic. Now l turn to the heading of sWoodbine Cot tage, and tell us how many times he has talked of such a home for you after mar riage."
 'The footing is 1895 times"
 "Very well. This lawyer wants to be sure that we've got case. How many times has Charles Henry said he would die for you ?"
 ''Three hundred and fifty answered the girl, as she turned over leaf
 "How many times has he called you an angel ?"
 | "Over II, 1000, mamma.
 "How about squeezing hands?''
 cover 394, 900 squeezes."
 "And kisses ?"
 ''Nearly AT, ,OOO." l tha as she deposited basket and diary on the lawyers table. "Look over the docu- ments, and if you want anything farther I can bring in g dozen neighbors to swear to facts. We sue for. $10, 900 damages, and we don't settle for less than an eighty-acre farm, with buildings in good repair. We'll call again next week. good-day, sir" THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
 (" It agin becomes my painful dooty to announce de fack dat death has invaded our ranks, said the President as the last notes of the triangle died away. "Word has been received dat Elder John Spooner, of Winchester, Varginny, am no mo- He tined dis club about two vars ago, an his interes' in it was un- abated up to his dyin' hour. In his death we has lost good man, but we has at de same time gained some valuable experience, in case we feel like accept ing it. Elder Spooner believed in de motto: Honesty am de bes' policy; an he died poo He loved his naybur as himself, an his naybur had altogether de bes of it. He had charity fur all, an dat kept his chill en widout shoes an his wife tied down to a kaliker dress for Sunday. His motto was Excelsior, an his Sunday dinner was as thin an hard as sheet iron.
 "Doorin' de summer sezun, when fuel , doan' cost muffin, folks kin go barfut, an any sort of man kin airn dollar 8 day, it am well huff to hang God Bless Our Home ober de doah an spank de chill'en wid boot jack labeled: Oar , am room at de top; but arter winter has shet down, de man who won't trade proverbs fur 'taters and notices fur bacon , can make up his mind to feel hungry I half de time. Elder Spooner was honest, , an darfore poo. He was conscienshus, , an darfore ragged. He was full o mercy and pity an sympathy, an dar- , fore had de reputashun of bein' weak in l de second story. I doan' advise any t man to be wicked, but I desire to care 2 lessly remark dat de real good man who