Omaha daily bee., 1883-07-17
DRESS REFORM.
How the Religious Editor of n Daily
Paper Put an Ancient Dame
to Flight,

Brooklyn Eagle,
81 want to call your attention to our
system of dress REFORM" commenced an
ancient dame with a very wide mouth as
she entered the managing editors II
tum and threw her hat ON the table.
Looks very pretty murmured the
managing editor, surveying tho Bloomor
costume with u critical eye.
"Sce how free and easy everything is
continued the woman, brandishing her
arms and skipping around. did you even
sec anything to equal thatf'
Don't think l ever did, replied the
managing editor, calmly. "lm prepared
to say that | never saw anything any.
whore that bore any resemblance to it.
Comfortable, pretty, accommodating
all the limbs and giving free play to all
the muscles. Notice thati'
Don't really see anything clse,' clam
orod the admiring editor. ''Ihat element
seems to be the mainstay of the whole
business"
"Now l want this paper to pick this
scheme up and make it popular among
the ladies of the nation. Are you pre-
pared to go into that branch of philan-
thropyF
"its a little out of the line of my du-
ties responded the managing editor.
"lll call in tho religious editor. He
knows about such things
81 see, | sco,' muttcred the religious
editor, as he took the show in at u glance.
"lou keep those pantaloons up with sus-
ponders, | reckon
THAT just it," replied the delighted
roformcr. ''rhat is where this costume
approaches that of n man, and therefore
is perfectly comfortable"
Suppose you bust II suspondor, what
do you propose to do about thatf' asked
the religious editor delicatcly.
Sew it up replied the woman
promptly,
"But suppose you're ON u picnic and
there is no needle handy
81 don't know murmurcd the woman
meditativcly.
''Toll me frankly" demanded the reli-
gious editor stcrnly, 800 you know how
to fasten n suspender with n stick2'
'No, | don't" retorted the woman
"Havo you eve seen u woman who
doesl"
81 don't believe | over have" returned
the roformer.
81 suppose So" commented the roligi-
Gus editor. 81 thought SO. Now, an
other thing. Do you know how to tic a
button on with n stringi'
81 have never tried it stammered the
m
81 wouldn't have believed you if you
said you had," continued the religious
editor. 'You begin to sec where the
dress reform will come out in cast of ac-
cident. But there is something else.
You have suspenders on your pants and
for your socks. Now suppose you were
dressing in n hurry and those suspenders
got mixed, and you got the pair for the
socks on the pants, and the pants pair on
the socks. And suppose you hoistcd
your socks up to your collar bone and you
found your pants were beginning to slip
you're n brute!" howled the woman,
as she made n break for the door.
"That was rather tough, wasn't it?'
asked the managing editor, regarding the
disappearing figure with an emotion of
relief.
81 don't know" replied the religious
editor, looking longingly at the bottom
drawer of the managing editors desk.
"Underneath her dress reform she was
strapped up like a mule in a blacksmith
shop, and | knew it. If she hadn't scat
tered on that last question, she would on
the next, so it was only a matter of time,
How did you like that applejack saw
you testing an hour ago}'
Do not go to the country without n bottle o
Angostura Bitters to flavor your Soda
and Lemonade, and keep your digestive organs
in order. BE sure it is the genuine Angostura