The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1883-03-07
WIT AND HUMoR.
1t is the late cat that catches til
early bootiack.

1t is the late cat that catches the
early booGack.
A country debating society is
nerviIig itself up to wrestle with
the question, "When woman and
a mouse meet, which is the most
frightsned?''
A bear broke into the house of
Nevada man the other night. He
was away, and his wife thought it
was he coming home drunk. The
bear cannot recover.
Brevity is the soul of wit. The
hotel keeper who wrote to delin-
quent ex- boarder: "Send me amount
of bill, received for a reply: "The
amount is S105O."
A little boy whose sprained wrist
had been relieved by bathing in
whiskey, surprised his mother by
asking: "Did papa sprain his
throat when he was boy"
A busy doctor sent in certificate
of death the other day, and accident
ally signed his name in the space
for "Cause of death" The registrar
says he wishes the profession would
be as accurate generally,
A young man in Iowa was SO I'M
patient to see his girl that he paid
$40 for a locomotive to run him 35
miles. When he got there she was
sparkling his rival, and a big dog
had possession of the front door
steps.
"Don't you want to be my wife, !"
said small boy to a smaller girl
With some hesitation, but with a
certain frmness of tone, she replied:
eyes, | would" "Then," continued
the boy, as he seated himself on the
grass and lifted up his foot, "you
may begin by pulling Offmy boots. !"
A gilt-edged delight is the kind
of thing that fills a mans soul when
he is cunning through the closet to
find booUack, and accidentally
rakes out a last summers straw hat
and notices things that were written
in it last July by some little blue
eyed darling in the mountains,
"Well," remarked young M. D.,
just from college, ~ suppose the
next thing will be to hunt for a
good location, and wait for some
thing to do, like Patience on mon
ument'" eyes" said a by-stander,
"and it won't be long after you be-
gin before the monument will be on
the patients.
A Georgia couple waited for over
four years for a good opportunity
to elope, and just as it came the
girls father took the young man by
the hand and said: "Speak up to
her, Thomas | know she loves you,
and I'd be tickled to death to have
you for a son-in law"
A muff with an inside receptacle
for holding hot water has been
patented by woman. When an
impulslve young man undertakes to
squeeze a girls hands in one of these
muffs, he's in danger of getting into
hot water But many young man
has "got into hot water" by squeez-
ing girls hand, long before this
muff was patented. Anyhow, he's
got into matrimony, and that'spret-
ty much the same thing.
A drummer, on being sent on an
extended trip, was cautioned to
maintain the honor of the firm in
every respect. His employers heard
he was on spree at the very first
town on his route, and after waiting
four days for an answer to their
telegram, ordering him home, re-
ceived the following drummer
from Boston said he could outdrink
any hyena connected with the house
Took me fouI days to lay him out,
but [ was bound to sustain the honor
of the firm. go West from here"
An old man would not believe
that he could hear his wife talk a
distance of five miles by telephone.
His better half was in a country
store several miles away where
there was a telephone, and the skep-
tic was also in place where there
was similar instrument, and on
being told how to operate it, he
walked boldly up and shouted
"Hello, Sarah p At that instant
lightning struck the telephone wire
and knocked the man down, and as
he scrambled to his feet, he excited
ly cried: "That's Sarah, every
f;Ooa %