Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-06-21
Aaa1atoasA Repastnent.

PyLLING HIS MUsTAeHE.-"T There he
sleeps as peacefully as an infant" said an
old imam pointing to the sleeping figure of a
slender built, 'heavy-mustache young man
across the aisle Of the train, ''and no doubt
he dreams of the innocent days of child
hood, before he had fallen into the depths
Of crime"% .r,.... .-.........
whats the matter with him? Who is
he?" asked the several passengers excited
ly, eying the sleeper with suspicion.
sfsHe sleeps as calmly" continued the old
man, abstractedly to himself, "as though
he had never murdered his partner, forged
his name to check for $50, 900 and skipped
to Mexico He thinks, probably, that no
man can penetrate his disguise, but 1
should know him in the dark with a mask
on. All, Miles Gashwell, nowI can con-
Quite crowd had collected around the
two by this time. ''The idea," continued
thsOM man, turning to the awestruck by
ISLANDERS, 'of his trying to disguise himself
by false mustache and wig. One of you
fellows jerk that mustache off and see how it
changes his expression" z ift'sn = Il
Nobody seemed disposed to unmask the
villain until a strapping six-footer pushed
his way into the midst of the crowd, and ta-
king the mustache by both ends, gave it a
yank that fairly lifted the slender young
y
that would have paralyzed Comanche
Indian and struck out wildly in the air with
his fists.
"Great Scott!' he shrieked, "are you try
ing to jerk the topyof mylhead off? Let go
of that, will YOU" and he kicked the six
footer in the pit of the stomach What
the deuce do you want of me, anywayw
"Why we thought you had on a false
mustache," ventured, one of the crowd tim
idly. ''This old man said So"
They all turned around to see what the old
man would say, but he didn't say. He had
gotten off when the train slowed up at the
last crossing.
A.SLY YJUDGE.-Judge Joplin was very an
gry.Mhen- he, entered the courtroom. He
kicked a lawyers dog and trod on 9 consta-
one understood why the old man exhibited
such ill humor. He was known all over the
country as genial, wholesouled fellow, and
the lawyers who made their living at his
bar, looked upon the old man in surprise.
The Judge took his seat and for a moment
seemed revolving in his mind the wheel of
serious problem. At last he looked up
and asked: --. a... a.
"Does anybody chew tobacco in this court
room?" No one replied. II mean does
anybody in this courtroom chew tobacco :?
The educated gentlemen who are present
will please excuse my rhetorical error. No
body chews tobacco: I am much disap-
pointed. Ibid not want a chew, for do not
masticate the weed. I have just been pre-
sented with some tobacco and as do not
want it myself, desire to give it to some
one who does want it"
81 chew, your honor" said a lawyer,
who, fearing that the Judge was begging,
had hitherto refrained from making him
self known. .... .......
"Does any one else in the courtroom
chew?" asked the Judge.
"You are the only one them"
81 think am.
"Weli, want you. Just now as came
up the steps quid of tobacco came down
the stairway, and 'spat' it took me over the
eve. / adopted this method, sir, of detec-
ting the wretch, and am thankful to say
that l have caught him. Mr.. Constable,
take him to Jail, for further trial is unneces-.
sary." Let no one say that the laws OF
Arkansas are not enforced.
BEING Too .GooD.-A retail dealer on
Michigan avenue secured new customer
a few DAYS ago in the person of q Well-dress-
ed lady who ordered and paid for large
bill Of groceries. The grocer was desirous
of keeping her trade, and, therefore, when
she came again and paid him half dollar
with hole in it, among other change he
was obliged to take another, and during the
next week she handed out a dozen coins
that had the dreaded holes letting daylight
through them. Finally, little girl came
in one day and inquired:
Is this the place where ma trades"
"Who is your ma 90 =
'tMrs. -" Z
eyes, this is the place."
"Well, then, want a pound of crackers" !"
They were done up for her, and she
handed over q quarter that was battered as
we'll as punched. ......
Cant take it, sissy" said the grocer.
"Why not"
"Because there is a hole in it."
"Don't you take 'em any more:'
s'No."
swell, this was the last cne ma had, and
she was going back to our old grocer as soon
as we got rid Of it l guess she'll have to
give this to the orphans "-DetroH Free
Press.
HE MADE 1T CLEAR.-"Speaking of Gu
rious condolences" said lawyer who had
business at the city hall yesterday, 81 think
l have the most curious case on the boards u
"What is it 2"
zone day last week woman came to me
anu ollSdSeu lily Sei NlSCo W hAO o utih AoA va
vorce. hadn't got through with her when
the husband came in to secure my services
for the same thing. They were OF the same
age had the same grounds, and had not
met before for months"
"And you took both casesW Z.
''Oh, no, that would have looked little
queer" .... ..s. o..<
''Then you sent one to another lawyer"'
'"oh, no, again: 1 am not furnishing 9TH
er lawyers with clients. l saw that was
in fix, and 1 must do something to pre-
vent one or the other from consulting anoth-
er attorney, to settle their troubles and per-
suaded them to live together, which they
have DONE"
"What! You advised settlement and lost
your feen
"Not exactly" replied the lawyer, as he
stroked his chin. "Icharged twice as much
for the advice as for securing the divorces" !"
WHY HE WAITED.-A New York house
lately sent an agent to town in the inte-
rior, to recover what was possible from the
financial wreck of retail dealer whose
custom it had enjoyed for many years.
''To what cause do you attribute your fail
ure?" asked the agent.
'Bad debts"
"You gave credit, then?"
"Oh! yes. There's Deacon Grafton down
for debt of STAT; Deacon Hosmer down
for $97; brother Trueheart owes me $46 ; Sis
ter Smith owes me $52; and there are many
others who have owed me from $40 to Sl25
for the past fifteen years."
"YOu speak as if most of 'em belonged to
some church ?"
la Sc