Milford chronicle., 1883-08-24
A FULL THOUSAND.
SOLOMON AND HIS THOUSAND WIVES
IN ALL THEIR GLORY.
The Bad Boy Goes into Figures md AstOn-
ishes the Grocery Man.
TFrom the Milwaukee Sun

From the Milwaukee SUM-
Solomon is credited with being the
wisest man, and yet history says he had
a thousand wives, said the bad bov to
the grocery man. 'fJust think of it.
You have got one wife, and pa has got
one, and all the neigh bors have one if
they have had any kind of luck. Does
not one wife make you pay attention
Wouldn't two wives break you up?
Wouldn't three cause you to see stars
How would ten strike you? Why, man
alive, you do not grasp the magnitude
of the statement that Solomon had
thousand wives. thousand wives.
standing side by side, would reach about
four blocks. Marching by fours it
would take them twenty minutes to pass
a given point. The largest summer re-
sort hotel only holds about five hundred
people, so Sol wouid have had to hire
two hotels if he took his wives out for
day in the country. If you would stop
and think once in a whine you would
know more.
The grocery mans eyes had begun to
to stick out as the bad boy continued. rs
though the statistics had never been |
brought to his attention before, but he |
was bound to stand by his old friend |
Solomon, and he said, ''Well, Solomon's
wives must have been different from our
wives Of the present day."
''Not much, said the boy, as he seen
be was paraiyzing the grocery man.
Women have been about the same ever
since Eve. And it stands to reason
hat SolOmons wives We're no better
han the mother of the human
ace. Statistics show that one woman
'ut of every ten is red headed. That
would give Solomon an even hundred
ed headed wives. just that hundred
ed headed wives would be enough to !
make an ordinary man think that there a
7as land that is fairer than this. Then g
here would be, out of the other nine
about three hundred blondes. {
nd the other six hundred would be L
runettes, and maybe he had a few b
lbinos, and bearded women. and b
1t women, and dwarfs. Now. those 4
women had appetites, desires
II dress and style, the same as all
omen. Imagine Solomon saying to q
lem, Girls, let's all go down to the p
c cream saloon and have a dish of ice d
eam. Can you, with your brain mud n,
ed with Goldfish and new potatoes. -
alize the scene that would follow -
oppose, after Solomon's broom e
igade had got seated in the di
creamery, one of the red al
AIDED wives should catch Solomon n,
mixing at a strange girl at another ta- ~
2. You may think Solomon did not .i'
ow enough to wink. or that he was III
t that kind of hirt, but he must have ne
en- or he could never have succeeded
marrying a Thousand wives, in nc
arsely settled country. No, sir. it -
)ks to me as though Solomon in all
glory, was an old masher, and from I'll
lat l have seen of men being bossed fiji
)und with one wife, 1 don't envy di1
lomon his thousand. Why. lust
agine that gang Of wives going and
lering fall bOnnets. Solomon would
We to be a king OF a Vanderbilt to
nd it. Ma wears five dollar silk stock br
s, and pa kicks awfully when the bill vo
nes in. Imagine Solomon putting -.
for a few thousand pair of silk stock '''
S. How would you like to have an
thousand red headed wives come pre-
} the store this minute and an
you they wanted you to send inc
,iages around to the house at 3 O'Clock nc,
hey could go for a drive? Or how w.
I'D you like to have a hired girl come opi
hing in and tell you to send up SIX bor
dred doctors, because six hundred Of got
r wives had been taken with cholera lou
bus? Or" b1a
0, don'tmentionit, said the grocery o., 1-e
!, with shudder. 81 wouldn't take ,'".
mons place, and be the natural pro- had
or of a thousand wives if anybody spO
Id give me the earth. Think of get stol
up in a cold winter morning and Ms
ding a thousand fires. Think of two ~.
lsand pairs of hands i'll a fellows - 1e
! Boy, you have shown me that the
mon needed a guardian over him. MOI
lidn't have sense" cha