davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry democrat., 1883-07-28
HUMOROUS.

An Oil City choir at rehearsal Sat
urday night ran over the '.Hallelujah
Chorus. The music escaped unin-
jured. oil CITY Derrick.
"A railroad conductor is about the
only man in the world to whom is in
trusted the privilege of making time.
Almost anybody can kill time.
-Digby has been working hard at
Italian all winter, and resolves to try a
little on newly-arrived immigrant:
Parlate Italiano, Signor? Immigrant:
Arrah! now, what are ye givin' us?-
Life.
A plant has been found that cures
bashfu1ness. It should be promptly
tried on the man who leaves the hotel
by the back window because he is too
diffident to say goodbye to the cashier
and clerk Chicago Tribune.
"A man named Schelling, in Tai
botsville, is suffering from trichina,
from eating ham. Here is an excellent
opportunity to quote the old saying,
.sToo much pork for Schelling," but
there are limits, even in punningg. -
No7vistoaDn Herald. II.
-..What do you suppose IL look like
when I get out of this?' Indignantly
inquired fashionably- stressed young
lady Of conductor of a fearfully over.
crowded tram-car the other day. "a
good deal like crushed sugar, Miss, =
said the conductor. And the lady stood
up and rode four streets further with
the smile of an angel.
The next cyclone that passes over
the country will be the s'sweet girl
graduate" Its path will be as wide as
the continent, andits force will be such
that youthful hearts now whole will be
pnlverized. The affair will appear as q
funnel-shaped cloud of white muslin,
large end down and upper end banged.
--Pitsburgh Telegraph.
Mr.. Utta S. Thete was wandering
through wood the other day. He
stopped before fine cluster of huge
trees, and, striking sentimental atti-
tude, thus soliloquized: How sooth-
fully soulful! how sublimefully utterp'
Suddenly Mrs. Shillnga Pound, q
butchers wife, whom he had not OBJ
served standing near, replied: SAY,
what grand butchers blocks they'd
make. . Utta S. Thete staid long
enough to utterly utter one soulful
throatful scream Of horror, and then
vanished. Boston Post.
To remove varnish from the piano.
legs, let the children play in the parlor.
Never clean your teeth with sand
paper, as the sand is apt to make the
gums sore. Never attempt to black
your boots with scrubbing-brush; it
has a tendency to ruin the leather
Don't throw away your broomsticks. A
broomstick is splendid thing to train
sunf1ower on. To keep flies of bald
head during sermon, the head should
be well saturated with kerosene before
going to church. Puck.
St. Landry democrat., 1883-07-28
Our Young Readers.
TWO LITTLE GIRLS.

I know little girl
you! Oh, noD
Who, when she's asked to go to bed,
Does just So
She brings dozen wrinkles out
AND takes the dimples in;
She Fuckers up her pretty lips
And then she does begin:
"Oh dear mql don't see why!
All the others sit up late,
And why can't II"
Another little girl know,
With curly pate,
Who says: when I'm great big girl
III sit up late:
But mamma says twill make me grow
To be an early bird"
So she and dolly trot away
Without another word.
Oh, the sunny smile and the eye 80 blue
And-why, yes, now think Of 1t,
She looks like you.
Youths Companion.
St. Landry democrat., 1883-07-28
1t would be wen for Kentucky

1T would be well for Kentucky not
to boast so loudly Of being the best
managed State in the Union until soma
provision is made for supplying quail
fled teachers for the 152, 931 persons be.
tween ten and twenty-one years of age,
shown by the last census to be unable
to write their names. Louisville Com.
anerc5dI.
St. Landry democrat., 1883-07-28

Willie: Mamma, will Susie and mo
have birthdays after we're dead? MANI
ma: Why, what do you mean? Willies
Why, like Neutrality-suspicious. you
know?--H Harvard Ln1npoo7a.
St. Landry democrat., 1883-07-28

Fine wire strainers that become
stopped are easily cleaned by the use Of
baking soda. Apply fith a damp
cloth.
St. Landry democrat., 1883-07-28

William G. Rich, for ten years past
Secretary, and at times acting Gov
ernor, Of New Mexico, has been a
carpenter, an editor, soldier and .
LAWYER.
St. Landry democrat., 1883-07-28

"A bachelor compares shirt-button
to life. because it too often hangs by q
thread.
National Republican., 1883-04-10
ElccfricnI unifa.

Congress having provided in August last
for the expenses of civil experts as delegates
of the United States to the international con-
ference, to be held at Paris, for the establish
mont of electrical units, the secretary of state
selected as such Prof Trowbridge, Of Harvard
college, and ii. "A. Rowland, of Johns Hopkins
university. While these gentlemen did not
reach Paris in time TO participate in all the
deliberations of the commission they were
fully advised of its proceedings and Prof.Trow-
bridge'has communicated them to the depart
ment of state. Twenty-six governments had
nominated delegates for the meeting which,
1t was originally expected, would frame and
possibly complete u convention TO be mutually
obligatory upon the governments represented.
Prof. Trowbridge reports, however, that tho
results did not take so definite form, and it
having appeared that there was not sufficient
concordance at present in the various
of the electrical unit of resistance,
each government was requested to
encourage independent redeterminations
of this unit. The subsection on earth cur
rents and lightning conductors recommended
that the various governments participating in
the conference should favor regular and sys-
tematic observations of atmospheric electric
ity; that wires independent of regular sys-
tens should be provided for the study of
earth currents, and that simultaneous obser-
vations should be taken in different countries
in fixed direction with respect TO the mag
netic meridian. The section on photometry
reported that the light emitted by u square
centimeter of platinum under fixed conditions
should furnish an absolute standard of light.
Minister Cochery assured tho delegates that
the French government would endeavor to
give effect to the resolutions of the conference
by suitable representations to the various
governments
National Republican., 1883-04-10
Direct From Dakota to scotland.

An interesting fact in connection with the
importation of American wheat into Scotland
has como to tho knowledge of our consul at
Leith. L. @. Porter, of Winona. Mimi, has
made contracts with John Jackson & Co. to
supply them with wheat at Leith and Glas-
gov, and the grain to fill the first order is
now in transit. The notable fact in this trans
action is that the wheat is bought directly
from the farmers by Mr.. Porter at his ware
line of the Chicago and Northwestern rail
way, and shipped directly and without con-
tact with other wheat through to Glasgow,
thus giving the buyer the certainty of secur-
ing specific and uniform grade of hard spring
wheat without admixture with other grades.
This is, so far as known, the first instance in
which the delivery Of grain has been made
so directly from tho farmer in Dakota to the
consumer in Europe who, in this case, are
not less than A 800 miles apart.
National Republican., 1883-04-10
international E1hibition at Calcutta.

The consul general at Calcutta informs the
department of State that there is to be an in.
ternational exhibition at that city, opening
Dec. A, to be similar in character to the Mel
bourne exhibition. The consul general has
for machinery, for which the ordinary
charges will be so cents for the first twenty
five square feet and 25 cents for each addi-
tional square foot. Any communications on
the subject addressed to Mr.. Mattson will re-
ceive attention. A prominent feature will
be the experimental trials in the extraction
of fibers Of all kinds. These trials will be
open 10 the public and will afford favorable
opportunity for investors who may wish to
make known their machines or processes, or
TO take out patents. Fibers aud motive
power will be furnished by the government
of India
National Republican., 1883-04-10

States. He was disposed, however TO accom-
modate the manufacturers as far as possible.
engraving from these plates will be so extern
sive as TO make them valueless for any other
purposes. The commissioner also said that
owners Of private die plates found IL to their
advantage TO incur the expense Of making
them for the reason that that the stamp cons
stitutes their trade mark and also because by
so doing they got o larger discount on the
stamps.
National Republican., 1883-04-10
The Plates Used for Die stnmpa.

The commissioner of internal revenue has
under consideration proposition for the sur
render by the government of the plates used
for printing private die stamps after the first
of May, when the stamp tax repeal goes into
effect. Commissioner Raum said Yesterday
that such surrender would be a mere matter
of grace, as under the contract with the
manufacturers the plates belong to the United
National Republican., 1883-04-10
Court OF Claims.

In the court of claims to-day the petition
in the case of the National Metropolitan bank
of Washington, d, O., against the District of
Columbia was dismissed without prejudice,
for want of jurisdiction. The case of James
Frazer against the District of Columbia was
ar0upd
National Republican., 1883-04-10

Our Weekly Rent List, published every Monday
morning, contains complete schedule OF our houses,
stores, shops and farms offered for rent together
seen. Property sale IN All parts ofthe city. Money
b. ii. MARNER. ola Z street
National Republican., 1883-04-10
BUSINESS COLLEGE.
- LINCOLN HALL RIlII.nINl.

IOtNFH NINTH NND ID bTNEETS
Day aud evening sessions for the education OF sons
and daughters aud men and women for sefsuppOrt
and real life. Branches taught are: The Engah
Language, Business Arithmetic, Spencerian Praoti-
cal Penmnnship. Book keeping by single and double
entry, Business Practice. Physical and Vocal Cul.
ture, Political Economy, Commercial Law.
Scholarship for year from dateOf entrance day or
evening" $50, Special terms by month or quarter or
for year by instalments College circular mailed
HENRY c. SPENCER, Principal
MRS. SARA A. SPENCER. Vice Principal, anu
National Republican., 1883-04-10
SNantrN. .Sitnniinns---YlnI,.

VLTANTED-BY A YOUNG MAN WITH GOOD
w references, situation in drug store as assist
ant; understands all the routine OF drug store and
soda fountain, Address f. NJ s., piS South Carolina
avenue southeast. api0-3tf
CMITH AMERICAN AND OTHER ORGANS;
- payable t5 per month. JOHN 4. ELLIS n CO.,
W. Pennsylvanla avenue, near Tenth street. aploSt
WILL GIVE so TO ANY ONE PROCURING
w me position "a clerk or wheelsmnn on any
steamboat line leaving this city Address II. c. n +,
Republican Onioe. ap7.3t$
National Republican., 1883-04-10
QrrsouaI.

A LADY, THOROUGH MUSICAL EDUCATION
IA and sight reader, who would accept a home rs
equivalent temporarily IN adult family, desiring COM
panionship. Address MEDICAL, care drug store
1901 Pennsylvania avenue apiO-Sts
National Republican., 1883-04-10

r IBERAL RATE OF INTEREST ALLOWED
IL on Time Deposits. United States Bonds bought
where, by ]. II soULER q Coa nsnksrR ltls Penn
National Republican., 1883-04-10
gnsintss Ghant.s.

A NY LADY OR GENTLEMAN. ON INVEST.
IA ment oft0, can make " TO e5 per day for lfteen
years. selling valuable article monopoly. Call see
ap0-3tf
National Republican., 1883-04-10
educational.

educational.
CtHoRTHAND TAUGHT THOROUGHLY BY A
- gentleman OF experience; $3.50 per month; three
lessons rer week Address r., Republican Otice.
apl0-3t%
TOTO AND 1914 FOURTEENTH STREET
Il Ill a near Fourteenth-street Circle Norwood
Inslitute. Select school for ladiea A few boardera
received. Address MR. OR MRS. VIM d. CABELi-
noe Gm
National Republican., 1883-04-10

E'oH 'NI
WE HAVE HOUSES FOR SALE AT A BAR
GAIN IN ALL SECTIONS OF THE CITY.
WE WILL OFFER FOR A FEW DAYS ONLY
SIX LOTS ON CoRCoRAN STREET CHEAP
If SOLD AT ONCE.
BISHOP q HILL,
Real Estate and Insurance Agents.
IOOg IL atreat mart
National Republican., 1883-04-10

TNASY FEET AND DAILY WALKS
~ In the open air and sunshine increase Vital
ity and longevity, hence the most eminent phyBi-
clans, snIeeons aud thousands OF other well'known
bR, WHITES CHIRoPoDIsT ESTABLISH.
MENT,
l4ld Pennsylvania avenue, opposite Wards Hotel,
Tor relief nom, and avoidance Of corns, bunons,
club and inverted nails, vascular excrescencas, and
other ailments OF the feet Oce fee u per visit for
putting The feet In order (EsIablahed In Washing
National Republican., 1883-04-10
6nrhish &nths

NTEW TURRISM BATH (DH BoyEFsl
IN lii7 street, opposite Riggs House Large pool,
good ventilation. Ladies' Monday and Friday. MOI
open Sunday Open from a m. TIL 10 p. M: Satur.
day, ~ y. M Baths. 81; tickets $3.50.
apo DR. IL. l.. BoVEE. Electrician
TTNHE sHEDD BATHS. sO3 Il STREET NEAR
Ninth, well known the Oldest and best In the
city, Ihls bath Is constructed WITH view 70 conyen'
phur, and MercurIal Baths given with skill and OK.
perence. Manipuapr of ten years experience at tna
Establishment single bath 81 for Sb I4,SO. Open
Sunday from a. m. 70 / u. m. mr2lLf
National Republican., 1883-04-10
aarnnt,h... .sitnntimr. f,rnnI,

UTANTED-A SITUATION BY MOTHER AND
w daughter IN one house, one as first class cook,
the other 10 do house work and washing In private
family; reference given. Apply 1852 Twenty-frst
street northwest apiO6t-
Wy TANTED-BY RESPECTABLE WHITE
street. apiO3ts
A CUTTER, FILTER, AND DRAPER OF
IA dresses wants engagements by the day; 405 q
street northwest apaste
UTANTED-E EMPLOYMENT WITH A DRESS
wv maker or In q family, by young girl who
dersthnds the different parts oi dressmaking and
plain sewing, also machine. Address s, NJ. s., 8ii g.
street between Eighth and Ninth streets. ap7-sl.
w XTANTED-To HoUsEKEEP FOR RE
w fined, moral iamlly the best reference for In.
teRrity only those need apply who have no oblcc-
tion 20 Catholic. Apply az iii1 street northwest
hp63tt
National Republican., 1883-04-10
8oarning.

@0ar0fng.
DIANos FOR SALE OR RENT AT VERY MOD.
Il crate prices, and easy terms JOHN i.
ELLIS & CO.. S37 Pennsylyania avenue, near Tenth
street. apl0-3t
WANTED-BoARD RDERs,FyRYIsHEDR ROOM,
w with board, on second floor, southern ex-
posure: also table boarders Apply 725 First street
northwest. ap7-3t
YUJWo WELL-FURNISHED ROOMS SECOND
IL floor; morning sun; all modern improvements;
pleasant summer locatoni table board terms mod
crate. l0l4 Twelfth street northwest. ap6-3tt
1000 STREET, OPPOSITE FRANKLIN
Il OAo Park-Mrs. Freeman can now offer
handsomely furnished rooms with first class board
delightful location for summeri transient boarders
accommodated. ap8-6ts
OLINToN HOUSE, SEVENTH AND STREETS
Y northwest - FlrstclAss table board and large
rooms at reasonable ratesi location central tran
silent rates, q, tL25, 1885, no liquors. dee.h
TVNREMoNT HOUSE
Il CHANGE OF PROPRIETORS.
Firsclass table, polite and attentive wants. Very
desirable situation for families Rates, $40 and q
per day t25, $50, 1885, and l0per month.
de4 II. w. DENISoN, Proprietor.
National Republican., 1883-04-10
Summer &uarAina.


GUNNER BOARD--A FEW PARTIES CAN BE
- delightfully."- placed for coming season seven min
utes from Silver Spring station, Metropolitan Rail-
way; terms, t25 to go per month Address q. b. L.,
Brightwood, ID. q. ap9'3ts
CiTONE MANSION - COLUMBIA HEIGHTS
- Fourteenth street and boundary Road now open
for summer bonrders on heights overlooking The
city handsomely furnished rooms, communicating
or single The best OF table board, and every atte,
tion 70 comfort of guests; pleasant grounds and
plenty OF shade superior home for first class fAmi
lies with children; three minutes TO street cars !;
references required. apl06tF
National Republican., 1883-04-10
@ani.S -HtIp- -frmaIt.

VETANTED = INfMEDIATELY, ONE GOOD
w hand to work n, dressmaking; also one APP
prentice. Apply at 1135 Twelfth street northwest
"ANTED-A SETTLED WOMAN TO TAKE
w care OF children and do chamber work; must
bring references Apply at 1913 N street northwest
ap1.5ts
:" ANTED- EXPERIENCED LADY
w teacher for family OF girls. must be thor
oughly competent IN music an the English branches;
would prefer one who speaks French Address, with
particulars and references, p. A. Dispatch ONCE
blchmond, Va ap85t
National Republican., 1883-04-10
S6lantsS- --8oums.

MTANTED-LARGE, AIRY, AND NICELY
wv furnished front room,wth bath. for lady, where
there other roomers boarders, aud no ques-
tons to be asked; everything must be first class.
Address, with full particulars r. Il. N, Republican
Ofice. app-3tt
National Republican., 1883-04-10

DIANos MOVED AND PACKED BY CAREFUL
IL men at moderate prices JOHN Il. ELLIS &
CO., 937 Pennsylvania avenue, near Tenth street,
aplO-3t
National Republican., 1883-04-10
JUsTH'S OLD STAND,
No. Sio D STREET NORTHWEST.

y. B.--New clothing we sell cheaper than any.
where. de22-iy
WANTED-To ANNOUNCE THAT JOHN E
w Beall Room 4, l4DD New York avenue, W n Com
missioner Of Deeds for every State and Territory.
United States Commissioner, Examiner, and Notary
Public: always in office from 9a. M 5p. m. apsoly
WyANTED-THE PERMANENT REMOVAL
w OF suPERFLuoUS HAIR BY ELEGrRo-
GIST, t;I 7os ELEyENTH STREET NoRrHwEsT,
National Republican., 1883-04-10

WTANTED-BY THE 18TH INSTANT BY A
W family of four adults, four or five rSo 1s, fur
terred; references. Address Y. ID. S.. Repn lean
Oitce. np7-3tN
National Republican., 1883-04-10
:for SaIt--% ois.

VINoR SAJE-ELEGANT LOTS IN ALL PARTS
~ Of the city. Call or send for bulletin. DANEN-
HOVER q SON. 1225 street northwest. apl06t
INoR sALE-oN NORTH SIDE OF EAST CAPT
H. tol street, between Sixteenth and seventeenth
Streets about 600 feet OF ground with four onesory
houses; price. 600. J. w. STARR, 1429 New York
aypnup anlO-Bt
National Republican., 1883-04-10

l1NoR sALE-HANDSoMEST LOT ON FOUR
~ teenth street. northwest, 80 feet front TO
20 foot alley, only 90 cents. Apply at 5l5 Twelfth
National Republican., 1883-04-10
Wlumtro--Sunsss

dc OO MONTHLY, IN ADVANCE WILL BE
plO paid through summer months for two
rooms near Ebbitt House suitable for physician. Ad-
dres PHYSICIAN, Republican Office. np93tt
UTANTED-A HOUSE ON CAPITOL HILL,
wv with modern improvements; rent not to ex-
ceed s25 per month; possession to be given at any
time prior 70 May Is Address, stating locality and
price. ~. n R.,n Republican Office. ap7att
UTANTED-A SMALL COTTAGE IN SUBURBS
wv or country; furnished or unfurnished. Address
@, w. HAVEIIl, No. 6l3 A street southeast ap6-3tt
National Republican., 1883-02-26
EAST WASHINGTON.

The pastors of East Washington churches
illustrated variety Of interesting subjects
from their pulpits yesterday to fair sized con-
gregations. Rev. DR.. Palmer, Of Norwich,
Conn, preached an eloquent sermon in the
morning at the Metropolitan Presbyterian
church. Chaplain Samuel Kramer conducted
divine service in the United States navy yard,
assisted by the East Washington Y. M. @. A.
At Waugh NJ. Il. Church in the morning Rev.
Wilford Downs delivered an eloquent dis
course on "The Christians Possessions" and
acknowledged the receipt OF various offerings
for wornout preachers and widows and or
phaus of deceased preachers. Revenge" was
the evening topic at the Metropolitan Baptist
church. At the other churches equally inter-
esting services were held.
Mr.. Gus Theilkuhl, of the United States
coast survey, who was member of the transit
of Venus party 10 New Zealand, has returned.
He brought with him many curiosities from
that distant land, including valuable col
lection of strange birds, queer looking
blanket, which was presented to him by the
Maori king; several skeletons Of Maori In
dians, and other relics. Among the birds he
has kewi, or featherless bird, the body be-
ing entirely covered with growth OF silky
hair, and tho tut, or 'parson bird, IA strange
looking creature, with parson-like collar OF
white feathers encircling its neck. Mr.. Theil-
kuhl relates many strange stories OF New
Zealand and its people.
Several interesting temperance meetings
We're held in East Washington last evening
The w. c. L, U. and Y. NJ. O. A, held forth
at the Seamen's Retreat; u well attended
meeting was held at Haine's hall, Anacostia
and a successful gospel temperance meeting
occurred at the North Carolina avenue mis-
sion. The latter was addressed by Is. III
Warner, esq, and other well known gentle
men.
The wind storm which visited this section
East night apparently enjoyed itself, scatter
ing sign boards, barrels, boxes, &C., about fol
awhile. An old cOlored man standing on the
corner Of Fourth street and Pennsylvania
avenue, whose hat had taken flight and dis
appeared in tho darkness, was heard to re
mark, tole yer it was coming, Dat mar
Wigguns amt no fool its only littul late"
Hattie Edelin,, drunken colOred woman
who staggered about the streets yesterday
evening, much to the disgust of ohurchgoer
aud others, was arrested by officer Smoot ant
locked up.
East Washington sports are arranging 70
another dog fight, 1t will occur this week.
National Republican., 1883-02-26

that no two men were more unlike than tho
same man might be at different times and
under different circumstances citing David
as a merciless warrior, and again as q peni-
tent, writing, "the Lord is my shepherd, and
1 shall not want" Think of Byron and
his wicked, yea often vicious habits,
and Byron writing Childe Harold, and
many examples of others, whose contra
dictions were as far and widely separated as
the above named, might be given. The con-
tradictions of mems characters-their acts
seemed almost impossible. He went on to
point out the inconsistencies in men and wo-
men-the good and evil, the bright and dark
so intermingled and entwined that 1t was
simply n series of pleasures and surprises. to
their friends and admirers. The human
family appears to be composed of
differences inconsistencies, contradictions,
likes and unlikes-a perfect kaleidoscope Of
rights and wrongs, so changeablo that whero
one ends the other begins The sermon was
graphic interesting, forciblc, and instructive
in tho greatest degree. lie closed by saying:
"Be IL ours TO live. not in the spirit of Elijah,
asking that we may give up the heavy contest
we are waging but in the spirit of Jesus, say
ing, 1T is iinished' and gladly commanding
what we have been and done and tried to do
into the hands of our Father"
National Republican., 1883-02-26
Nn,x stnnls Exchange.

NEW YORK, Feb. GA circular will bo
issued tomorrow by ex-Secretary William
Window, Hon. John w. Gambler, Of Boston,
and Harvey Harrington, Of this city, stating
that they have agreed to become trustees Of o
new stock exchange, large number Of appli-
cations for membership in which have been
made already to Dumont Clarke, a trustee.
Five hundred seats in the new exchange will
be sold for 5000 each, and it Is intended to
open the new board May 1, 1888, u these seats
shall then have been disposed Of. The trustees
propose that each purchaser of seat under
the plan shall receive one Of series of ono
thousand certificates of 5000 each, payable
on or before May l. 1893, without interest,
secured upon New York real estate--also to
provide suitable exchange, rent free, for
ten years. Applications for membership,
with checks, to be sent to either of these
three gentlemen as trustees, or TO the Ameri-
can Exchange National bank. If applicants arc
dissatisfied with the subsequent arrangements
they may withdraw any time prior to tho
issuance of seats,