The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-03-02
Wit and Wisdom.

A little child of seven or eight said that when
the Bible speaks of "childrens children il
must mean dolls.-Christian at Home,
"a six-year-old Trojan has advanced ideas.
He has doll which he calls his wife. Re-
Gently he was telling his "wife' his future
plans and remarked: "By and by shall be-
come Mason and then you won't see me IN
til II o'clock at night"
little boy when picking the drumsticks of
chicken swallowed one of the tendons and
was very nearly choked. The tendon was,
however, extracted with great difficulty from
the little fellows throat, when he exclaimed
"Oh, mamma, it wasn't the. chickabiddy's
fault; it was because cook forgot to take off its
carriers"
The reason why women cannot succeed as
well as man in the walks of live is because
when she is on the walks one hand is usually
employed in holding up her dress.-Philadel-
phia Chronicle-Herald
Horsford's Acid Phosphate for Overworx
DIR. G. W. COLLINS, Upton. Ind, say: 81
used it in nervous debility brought on by over
work in warm weather, with good results.
what this bank wants is q new cashier, u
said one enterprising director to the others
''The man we have is too slow. He never
makes political speeches or gets into scandals
or runs off with the funds or does any thing
else to advertise the institution. "-Philadel-
phia News.
The great sale of Swedish Remedies is aston
ishing, and for enrching the blood, creating
an appetite, or strengthening the whole system
nothing can surpass these remedies.
Only two days ago our barber solemnly as
sured us that he thought great deal of Rev
Joseph Cook and loved to converse with him,
as he could understand him. Then we got out
of the chair and said, "This thing is all wrong.
If you can understand Joseph Cook it's not for
you to shave us. Get up In the chair and we
shave will you."-Boston Post.
PEOPLE are killed by coughs that Ha3e's
Honey of Horehound and Tar would cure.
Pixies Toothache Drops cure in one minute.
of little four-year-
old hill who, upon retiring the other night.
begs n to say her evening prayer as usual, and
after repeating, 'If I should die before /
wake," paused moment and added: "What q
rumpus there would be in this housed" Then
she recited the concluding line OF the prayer
and scrambled into bed.
Annie was six years old, and was going to
school with sister of nine. One afternoon
when school was near its close, her uncle came
by and proposed to carry them home. The eld-
er girl was at the head Of her class and would
not leave, but Annie said: CAN right, Uncle
Buck! I'll CO. am at the foot and can't get
any footer. Pupils Record.
The Hop Plaster will cure Back Ache, and
all other pains instantly, % cts. only, at drug
gists.
The mother of little girl in one of the SUM-
day schools Of the city has been anxious to find
out whether the child's teacher is married or
unmarried, and yesterday she told her to find
out in a roundabout way the facts in the case.
After the class had finished the exercises, the
little girl said to her teacher as naively a.
could be: Mother wanted me to find out in
roundabout way whether you are Miss or
Mrs, --.'-Hartford Post.
The dis6guring eruptions on the face the
sunken eye, the pallid complexion, indicate
that there is something wrong going on within.
Expel tn lurking foe to health Ayers Sar-
saparilla was devised for that purpose; and
does it.
bright little girl uptown had goldfish
which died. She and her little brother took
the fish out to bury it with due ceremony, and
and after it was covered beneath the sod and
headboard erected, the brother suggested that
footboard also be put up. NO." she said,
1--WE don't want footboard; fish hasn't feet
brother; fish has tails, and we want tall
board" The "tail" board was put up, and the
mourners went about the streets.-The Drum
mer.
A Trojan two-and-a-half-y ear-old was sitting
on his mammals lap after having undergone
the prelminaries to retiring for the night His
countenancs assumed deeply thoughtful ex-
preston. Suddenly, having apparently
reached the solution of the puzzle exercising
his brain, he looked up into his parents face
and sagely asked: Mamma, wasn't [ good