Middletown transcript., 1883-03-30
BURDETTE'S LATEST.
HIS INTERVIEW WITH THE CoNIICAL
MAN OF THE ROAD.

a seat, so he only remained few min
Utes. He said to me:
d" 1 am a comical man myself ; used
to be right in the business all the time
until I lost my voice. Tonsils veout,
or something. Oh, yes. Why, I'm on
the road now, travelling, and Pm known
all over the country as the comical man
Of the road. Everybody knows me. l
stopped yesterday morning where there
were a lot of Irishmen at work, and be-
gan talking tothem. Brogue business,
you know. Hope to die if they didn't
all quit work to shake hands with me.
Thought 1 was just over, you know.
This is the way paralyzed them, you
know"
And then he gave me a specimen of
Irish dialect
SIN faith and be jabbers, boys, an
sure an what are yez goin' to do nit
all off dot morton undt brickbats ?" l
says to them.
"And that paralyzed the Irishmen p
l asked.
"You bet it did, :" replied the comical
man of the road.
l said I should think it would. l be-
lieved it would paralyze almost any live
man. In fact, 1 felt little bit numb
myself.
"Oh, yes" he went on. but dia-
lect singing used to be my strongest
hold.'
Here he cleared his throat and the
passengers began to leavethe car. But
without perpetrating the threatened
outrage, the comical man Of the road
went on:
Now, the trouble with your comical
business is that it is too monotonous.
Now, see, you talk right along an hour
and half, don't you ?"
l meekly admitted my guilt.
, {" Well, now, " said the comical man
Of the road, "you ought to rest once in
while and have some fellow come out
and sing little, or do some of this
dialect business. That would give
some variety to your lecture. You
can't do any dialect, can you ?''
1 said after hearing him 1 would be
ashamed to try.
"Oh, we'll, J" the cOmical man of the
road said, with airy encouragement,
you could pick it up with little
practice. Do you sing ?"
l said that I knew several songs by
sight, but that 1 sublimely and unset
fshly restrained from singing them in
public.
"Well," he said, "you ought to
bring a song or two in your lecture,
and if you could dance little it
wouldn't hurt. And right now III put |
you into rattling good piece of business
the telephone business. saw a
commercial traveller do it down here at
Dunkirk. He took hat and talked |
into it like telephone answered him
self, you know-telephone business
ventriloquism. Are you a ventrilo-
quist."
I blushed and had to admit, with an
and mortifyinS sense of
nv deficiencies. that [ was not even a |
ventriloquist.
"Too bad," he said. "Well you
ought to practice up on that, and bring
in that hat business. That would bring
down the house better than anything
in your lecture last night. 1 could do
it myself. l used to be one of the best
in the country until my
tonsils collapsed. You know me 1
guess. Why you must have heard of
me My name is Whitby. Pm called
the conlical man of the road.''
GOOD Heavens % 1 exclaimed,
rising to my feet and taking off my hat,
g is this Whitby ?''
YES" he said, Pm Whitby. "I'm
known as the comical man of the
road. Thought you'd know me. What
is your name ?''
I meekly covered down into my cor
ner of the seat, and tearfully admitted
that my name was only burdette, " in
with a little "b."
Burdette, he said "where are you
from ?''
I said, proudly, Burlington" in
great big letters.
Burlington p the comical man of
the road replied. "Ob, yes down here
in Vermont. Well, I get off here.
Don't forget that telephone hat busi-
ness and you can make that lecture of
yours 60"
And the comical man of the road'
was gone. may forget that telephone
hat business, but 1 will never forget
" Whitby, the comieal man of the
road. -