Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-09-01
Saturday Smiles.

Jersey waste: Paying money to see Mira
Langtry act.-Boston Transcript.
Mr.. Stedman. the poet broker, who is known
to the literary world by his verses, is now equally
well known to the commercial world by his re-
verses.-Chicdgo Times.
Circumstances alter cases: Snow that have
got my hay in. said the relieved farmer II think
the world would be greatly better for a good
shower. "-BOston Globe.
"Ouida" wishes the American press to contra
dict the recent statement that her health was
delicate. We have pleasure in stating that
there Is nothing delicate about "Ouida. DE
troit Free Press
1t is about an even thing between man and
orange peel. Sometimes the man throws the
orange peel i'm the gutter. and sometimes the
orange peel throws the man.
''What are you going to do when you grow up
teacher of slow boy. I'm going to be a school
teacher and make the boys do the ciphering,"
was the reply.
Said man to Emory Storrs lately: "Storrs.
wish had your cheek" III you had my cheek
and your brains.' replied Storrs, .'you would
have yourself kicked out Of town before night"
A Polack family i'm Chicago used a railroad
torpedo for fuel. but it was better to blow up
the shanty and learn what torpedo was than
to go through life wondering ii the Internal
thing was restaurant sandwich. -Detrod Free
Press.
Two physicians were discussing in the pres
ence Of their patient the nature of the
malady that kept him confined to his bed. MY
convection is that it is TYPHOID fever" said one.
'Never!" replied the other. well. you will
see at the post mOrtem examination"
''No." said the sad-eyed man. Il never press
young woman to play on the piano. tried IL
once to my sorrOw." why, what followed"
asked half dozen eager voices. ''She played"
replied the sad-eyed man. Il shall never forget
the lesson l learned that day."-Boston Trans
csipG
Liberaitv ITSELF Poor rclation-"I didn't
know but. as you were reiurnishing the house,
some OF the discarded articles might be Of use
to me. II you was only of a mind to" Rich
relation" Why, certainly; I'm glad you spoke
OF it. We are going to repaper the dining
room. I'll send you down the old paper when
it's torn or It isn't badly soiled."-Hatford
Post.
pretentious person said to the leading man
of a country village, a. How would lecture by
me on Mount Vesuyius suit the inhabitants OF
your viilage?" VERY well. sir. very well in
deed" he answered; "a lecture by you on
Mount vesuvius would suit them a great deal
better than a lecture bv YOU in this village
San Francisco Ne,os- Letter.
Emory Storrs tells q story Of a gentleman
who bought q Till Of goods for 81 500. The
firm being suspicious Oh their customer put
tS00 on the usual prices. The customer conid
only raise 81 200 which was the regular rate,
the rest being in excess He said he would
give his note for the remainder, aud they TOOK
it. Then he said he Was In the habit OF receiv-
ing q present on making so large bill. They
gave him a necktie. He bitterly objected to
such mean little present. The proprietors
then concluded to present him with his note fOt
the $500. He took it with q look of cunning,
and then said:
"well Mr. Alexanders, 1 think win prefer
the neektie, If It's just the same to you"