The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-11-22
WIT AND HUMoR.


The champion light weight of the
country is the grocer.
David Davis uses a tablecloth for q
napkin.
There is a man in New York who
manufactures diamonds for actresses TO
lose. They are sold at so much quart
Some men are so lucky that they
couldn't fall overheard without being
pulled up with their pockets full of fish.
Julius, seize herr said Sambo, as
Julius was contemplating fat pullet
by moonlight.
IAN invoice of gloves three feet in
length is on the way. .''-NetU York Tfib-
une. st. Louis girls are Frightening up.
Life.
The New York papers insist that the
l.. in John Sullivan's name stands for
Longfellow, when they know l. is for
Love, for "Love levels ALL
An Trishman on being arrested for
having six wives excused himself by
declaring that ne was only trying TO get
u good one.
The Boston Star saws. 1.-The bigger a
newspaper is, the more hustle there is
about 1t. What it means is, the bigger
hustle Is, the more newspaper there is
ahoutit.
No" said the Police Superintendent,
1--WE have no time to fritter away look
ing for robbers and murderers Our
men are kept busy day and night look
ing up clues
1t is feared that there will be IA great
popular demand in England for war
when the people over there find out that
an American company will burlesque
Henry Irving and his troupe.
1t is worthy of note that the men and
women who think most highly of them
selves and most meanly of others are
those who render back to society for
the good things they enjoy the smallest
return of personal effort.
I a young man having asked girl fhe
might go home with her from singing
class and been refused, said: You're
as full of airs as a musical-box." per
haps so, she retorted; but if / am,
don't go with a crank.
A Newport woman is trying to get a
divorce from her husband on the ground
of bad treatment-he carried a letter he
got out of the post-oflice for her from
one Sunday until another before he
thought of giving it to her.
''What are you going to do when Won
grow up, If you don't know how to
clpherP" asked teacher of slow boy.
Il M going to be a school-teacher, and
make the boys do the ciphering, was the
reply.
An enterprising youth at West Troy.
n. T., sold about fifty copies of pat
ant medicine almanac to canal boat
men as The Life and Adventures of
Jesse James" Every canalier now car
ries gun.
, A horse baked with man in Buffalo
the other day, and he sat there nine
hours before the animal moved on. He
was house painter, working by the
| day, and would have put in another
hour if necessary.
1t is an old saying that to make a
goose mature requires considerable time
} and large number of quills Not so
, with man. He can make a goose of
| himself with one quill in a short time.
Cart PyetzelS Weekly.
+ Young politician writes: ''Why does a
State have Legislaturep'' NV dear
boy, 1t doesn't. The Legislature has
the State, every time. Has it by tho
throat, by large majority. Has it by
the pocket-book. Has it on its back.
Darlington Haeokeye.
A Humorist was once Called into the
Presence of the Managing Editor and
.SOlemnly Reproved for the Dullness of
his Wit. s'Your jokes quotG the Ed
itor, "are so Bad that | am Daily Com
PEELED to Print them in that Nondescript
department entitled Pearls ofThought. ~
Il She was a sweetly inexperienced
young housekeeper, as one may gather
from her remark when some one sug-
gested that she should purchase spring
mattresses. Yes" she replied, If
they are in season we'd better have
some
1t is estimated that over 500 900 tons
of paper are made in this codntrv every
year, and yet the man the.t shaves him
self has to hunt around for over fifteen
minutes before he Can find piece that
he dare wipe his iather upon, sadly says
a man who kr.ows how it is himself.
Eyes, it is very funny said Mr..
Spriggs, "Why, | was walking the
other day down Broadway, and fel-
low-ought have known me, loo--a
fellow came up and slapped me Oh the
back, and says he. Why, suffering Mo
ses! when did you get back?'
Women have tact always and frequent
ly talent for making themselves agree
able to new acquaintance. A lady
sojourning at a certain New England
resort this summer was introduced to
another lady who had registered from
Cleveland $50 you are from Ohio
graciously commenced the forrner;
what is your husband candidate 1or?''
-LOaceU Citizen.
A man returned from a dentists high
ly indignant and said thai the intellig-
ent extractor had palled the wrong
tooth. But he made it all ri ht," he
continued, ''or / would have brought
suit against him for damages" What
did the dentist do to make the mat
ter all right ?' was the question put.
'.He didn't charge me anything. Hart
ford Post.
You certainly play very well,'' said
the music-5eacher, encouragingly, 'but
you have not had good instruction. If
You will promise to practice four hours
daily | will make an artist of YOU in
two years, and only charge you regular
rates BY the way where do you live?''
Next door; just got lodgings there
.'Oh! ah! yes-I forgot to say that your
lingering is bad, and it is now too late to
correct it. Take my advice, and give
up music altogether
EVERYBODY Knows IT. When you
have the Itch, Salt Rheum, Calls, or
Skin Efuptions of any kind, and the
Piles, that you know without being told
of it. Emil Fiscbel or F. G. Buerstatte
the Druggists will sell you DIR. Bosanko's
Pile remedy for so cents, which affords
immediate relief, and is sure cure for
either of me above diseases.