The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-03-15
WIT AND HUMoR.

Another hotel horror, as the man said
when the hash was set before him.
Job never stopped over, but he boiled
over once.
Never present a preacher with a
parrot unless it is stuffed.
The electric incandescent pocketbook
Is the latest. 1t is always light.
''What is the boundary that separates
smile from tearp Giveitup." ''The
nose"
Girls are more courageous than men.
They are ready to make match with
fellow twice their size.
The novels of M. lola have an enor-
nous sale in Italy. The Italian stake to
them as apig does to slop-hole.
The Kansas City Times plaintively
asks, "Do our girls paint?" Guess not.
Put cosmoline on your lips and they'll
be all right, says the Denver Tribune.
"He-"My darling, really believe
my rheumatism has wholly disap-
peared." She-''Oh, / am so sorry.
Now we shall never know when the
weather is going to change"
They found crazy man in the State
House gallery the other day. and the at
tendant respectfully said: you've
made a mistake, sir. Your place is
down stairs. .'-Bostoa, Post.
Actors have strange fancies. They
will not walk under ladder that may
be leaning against wall. They con-
slider it bad luck for bricks to fall on
ones head.
At St. Anne's Sunday-school, in
Lowell, in answer to the question:
''What is the greatest church festival?'
little orphan of six years promptly re-
sponded, ''The strawberry festival
China and Japan buy our dried ap-
Piles freely, and, as the Boston Tran
script remarks, thus does American
industry help to swell the population of
the Orient.
A Boston journalist has made the dis
covery that the most appropriate play
In which an intelligent colored woman
of that city could make her debut is
"Black Hide Susan"
'-Annie, is it proper to say this ERE,
that 'ere?" "Why, Kate, of course not"
"Well, don't know whether it is
proper or not, but l feel cold in this ear
from that air.
A little girl was walking on the street
the other day, when she saw very
bow-legged man with short coat on.
'Oh, mat she cried, .theres a man
with tunnel under him."
A statistician says that 1900 Ameri-
can women visit Canada every year to
smuggle sealskin sacque. There is no
doubt this man has been jilted.-Rocl-
esfer Democrat.
A man in Summerville, Ca, sneezed
sovigorously that he yanked his spinal
column out of place. If he had swallow
ed the sneeze instead of letting it fly he
would burst into more than million
fragments.
An Iowa grocer who refused to trust
woman for a pound of logwood was
nearly killed by blow from an ak
helve. When woman wants to dye an
old shawl she is prepared to surmount
ALL obstacles.
A German at hotel in this city the
sther day had some Limberger cheese
sent to him. A little boy who sat beside
nim turned to his mother and exclaimed,
Mamma, how | wish was deaf and
dumb in my nose.
s'Who is this Mrs. Langtryp' asked
one Nashville youth of another. ''Oh,
she's the prettiest woman of New
Jersey" replied the other, confdenti-
ally. Nashville has ten faro banks, five
aational banks and three daily papers.
A woman in Wheeling, w. Va. fell
fifty-fve feet from a. bridge, crushed
through the ice that covered the river
beneath and would have drowned but
for the gallantry of a male spectator.
There is noinformation at hand to show
that she said ''Thank you."
Said poet to an unfortunate specu-
lator: '.Don't you think that the open
ing lines of Tennyson's little poem,
Break, break, break, are plaintive and
sadp" "Yes," was the melancholy re-
ply; ''but L think that Broke, broke,
broke!' is a good deal sadder."
A Buffalo man pleaded with the door
keeper at the museum to let him in for
half price because he had but one eye.
The doorkeeper couldn't see it in that
way, and made him pay double, claim
ing that it wonld take him twice as long
to see the show.
A certain Indiana man can drink half
a pint of kerosene and experience no
deleterious effects from the draught.
The Detroit Free Press man is afraid
that some day a thoughtless person will
blow in the Indianian's chimney and ex-
plode him.
The Law of Compensation Maud
'1sn't it strange, dear, all the fellows
who fiirt with me are married men! /
cannot think what has become of all the
bachelors. Gertrude (who is not en-
vious-oh, dear no. Possibly flirting
with the wives of your admirersl'
A little boy of three years whose
mother played the organ in church, and
who was obliged to be left to the care OF
others, was asked one Sunday morning
what his kitten was crying so piteoEay
for. 81 don't know said he, "but
s'pect the old cat has gone to church. y
A little boy went into the parlor where
his sister was being courted and said
"Brother Tom told me to ask you what
was the date of your last hustle, for he
can't find to-day's paper high or low,
and he left it in your room just before
supper"
A big brown bear at the Black Hills
found and ate a bushel of salt with
great gusto. An hour later he was seer
at the bank of creek, assiduuusly
drinking, and occasionally raising his
head to look upstream and see if thC
supply of water was likely to hold out
If our middle-aged readers will allow
their minds to recall the scenes of, say
three decades ago, they will agree with
us in our statement that the most dis
tressing sensation in the world at tina
period of existence was wearing a pail
Of trousers made by an elder sister.
A bullet shot from a pea shooter
struck New Orleans lad in the heaC
and penetrated the brain. The ''pes
shooter is composed of a forked stick
two strips of rubber, two bits of twin'
and patch of leather. What a New
Orleans lads head is composed of, is
matter of conjecture.
An Indianapolis merchant has aprro
and a telephone in the same room. TIL
bird has learned so well the telephon
language that SO soon as the alarm ring
it screams, ''Hello, hello! Yes, this i
Kregele's. What do you wantP" 1t i
sometimes difficult to keep the bird quie