The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-09-25
The Squatter at Church How He En-
i9vad the Musin

the other day an old squatter came
10 the citT and attended divine services
at a fashionable church. He sat uneas-
ly on cushion, and when the organ
began to rumble his hair began to stand
up. Turning to man who sat near, he
asked:
What sorter artiekle do yer call
IthatP''
That's the fatted calf bawling,' the
man replied
Thought that they'd killed him ter
feed the prejikin' son ON
Yes, they killed one but have raised
another
The deep tones of the organ roared
like a storm behind the scenes and the
old squatter, with wink in his dry
looking eye, said: "Must be paving the
groun' now. He's mad as hornet
Sorter lettin' up-now he's down on it
agin. Now they're twistin' his tail.
lingo! how he filings his head up in the
ar. Now they're givin' him rope. Let
him swing-hold himp'
The choir burst forth in melodieus
air, and the old fellow sat for a mo-
ment in seeming admiration, then turn
ing again to his newly-formed acquaint-
ance, he said: Pretty good singin', but
sorter slow. They don't seem ter git
right down to the work. Now look at
that bald-headed teller. He's dodgin'
pints right along, and that other teller
with them whiskers like goat KANT
keep up with the outfit, while that gal
thar is leavin' all O. them. Wouldn't
Fetch anybody leavin' Nick Muggles. a
Teller that sings at our church Why,
put him up thar with that turn out and
he'd go on an transack his business an
get through an be ready fur all sorts O.
fun for that bald Teller an his crowd
got no whar on the road. Nick's what
| call singer. an er fiddler; he ken
knock the everlastin' spots often it.
Why, he can make fiddle call hogs,
an talk like ten-year-old boy; an er
bango, huh. He can make it cluck so
plain that the horses in the neighbor-
hood start off Wish he was here to-
day. Look how that bald-headed fell
ler's slackin' up, will yerP Ell / was
him I'd quit. Now he's sorter pearten-
in up. Look at the gal er climbin' =,
will you; an jung, see the goat-whisker-
ed Teller pitch after her. Hanged if he
ain t. maxim it lively for her. He'd er
catch her thar eff she hadenter lodged.
Dinged if he amt got by her. There he
goes like skeered rabbit. The gal s
| droppin' back now, an is goin' along
with the bald-headed feller Hello,
look at that fat man putin along.
Look at him climb, will yer? The gals
\ gittin' uneasy agin. Look at her prance.
There she goes after the goat-whiskered
feIler There they all go. bookety,
bookety. Now they're all together.
See 'em walk along. Healoa, they've
stopped"
| The old fellow listened with wrapt at
tention to the sermon, occasionally nod
ding in approval or shaking his head il
uncertainty When man with the
contribution box approached, the squat
ter asked:
What's up?n
I'VE are taking up a collection fol
the heather, and as you seemed to be sc
much interested in the sermon, didn'
know but you would like to give few
Dimes
What's the matter with the heath
emp"
why, he doesn't know anything
about the gospel, and we want to raist
money enough to send it to him."
Wall, l tell yer | don't think he'll
Spite afore mornin'. I've got hos
swap on ham, an eff | ken git nut
boot, come aroun' an we'll sorter lool
into the matter"
But, my friend the heather children
need clothesa"
A "Se does mine, by jingo. Bill ain
, wore nuthin' but shirt for six months
! an haster stay outen perlite s'eiety
Ike's got vacancy in his britches big
, germ yer hat, an Jack haster stay I'm
der the house when stranger comes
. case he got his clothes scorehed durin
hog kiln Come aroun' arter thu
swap. fur don't think the heathen
will Spite fore mornin'. '-Arkansap
Traveller.