The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-01-10
WIT AND HUMOR,


What business has a bank cashier
Juggling $4,000 around in satchel
after dark?
Several murderers have been hung
lately who didn't believe they were
going~straight to Heaven.
where do the hats go?" an exchange
asks Some OF them 60 to the theater
and obsiruct the view Of the audience.
An enterprising foundry-man has
named An economical stove he has in
vented the "Semi-coal-' un.'
When the pasterer is at work upon
ceiling, il may be said that he under
stands his business.
A st. Louis horse chews tobacco. We
have often seen fast driven horse
smoke.
Did Richard LII. exclaim, "Give me
another horsen' because he was tired OF
the nightmare he had been riding?
The difference between a dandy and
fat hog -onc is dressed to kill and the
other is killed to dress
An engaged girl is happiest when she
is telling about it to another girl who il
not engaged aud is not likely to be.
A iirst-class bronze statue of an edi-
tor can be had for $1,000, and every
city ought to have at least twenty in It's
parks.
Where arc the men of 76?" shrek,
an excited exchange Oh, tn Halifax
with the men of 76. Give US the women
of %!
"All things come TO tho man who
waits but dime judciously bestowed
on restaurant waiter will hurry things
up little.
Upon a writer claiming that his
works contained "much food for
thought friend remarked. That
may be so; but it is wretchedly cooked"
New York and Ohio people carry
horse-chesinuts in their pockets to ward
of rheumatism. 1t is more convenient
than TO hang cabbage around the
neck.
You will wonder where all the dogs
in Georgia are until you dismouoC at
the gate Of a planters house. Then
you will wonder if he owns all the dogs
III Georgia.
A distinguished naturalist says a bear
is ordinarily no more dangerous than
woodchuck. That may all be very true.
but in a square hug the bear is far more
tenacious.
Mrs Darlington honored us with
call this morning. She is looking well,
and says she is like the windows of
renovated house all the old panes ars
out Of her and the pneumatics are
things of the past
An oil producer was rcquestedto give
n judgment note for a debt he owed,
but firmly refused, saying: NO, sir,
will never sign a judgment note. ! did
it once, and | come very near having
10 pay il"
Perhaps the casual reader has never
sat down on buzz saw and felt him
self gradually fading away. If so, he
doesn't know what it is to form the ac-
quaintance of somnambulstic bulldog
in the prime of life.
Jennie June signs for scientific
dressmaker What is it but science
that calls for twenty-eight yards of
goods in dress so tight that the wear
or can't draw long breath without
hearing buttons fly?
Man" says Victor Hugo, "was the
conundrum Of the eighteenth century,
woman is the conundrum Of the nine
tecnth century" An American editor
adds: 1--WE can't guess her, but will
never give her up-no, never"
I'm shocked!' said Mrs. Brown, !
stepping into the pantry just in time to
catch Johnnie in the act of hiding jar
of preserves beneath the folds of his
Jacket Yes, Johnnie, I'm shocked"
"Yes, ma" responded the young
rogue, "a laden jar is enough to give
anybody shock
"Whcre's the molasses, B,ns' said
woman sharply to her son, who had re-
turned with an empty jug. None in.
the city, mother Every grocer has a
big blackboard outside, with the letters
chalked on il N. o. molasses.' !"
A gypsy fortune-teller got hold of
base ball-player's hand the other day,
and attempted to map out his future
She concluded that a new world would
have to be made to furnish the check
cred career in store for him.
An unfortunate lunatic has sent us
The following conundrum, which he has
used MS an instrument of torture on
Broad street for the past three days:
''Why is an analytical chemist wo-
manP Because he is an an-a-lyacr"
The Post-oilicc department has ruled
that husband has no control over the
of his wife, but this de-
cision will not prevent man from car
rying his wife's letter in his inside coat
pocket three weeks before mailing 1t.
Dear, dearv' exclaimed Mrs. Brown,
81 have just been over to see Clara.
Poor child! She is dying of ennui."
''Why, how you talk" cried Mrs
Homespun; then adding. rs she moved
away from her visitor, mercy! 'Tain't
ketchin', is it,"
Jay Gould, upon an occasion having
received n sample package of whisky
with beautiful card upon which was