The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-08-29
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Wednesday, Aug. 80, 1888.
COMIC COMMENTS.

BOSTON man OF seedy looking individual,
whom he saw passing into n shop adorned
with three golden balls. "No," was the
curt reply, "pawn- broke"
Obituary; The editor of the Waco
CTex.) Sentinel, having been blown up BY
the explosion OF a saw-mill boiler. we sup
pose it will now be in order to allude to him
as "our highly steamed contemporary"
--Misapplied Elderly philanthropist, to
small boy who is vainly striving to pull q
door-bell above his reach "Let me help
you, my little man." pulls the bell,
Small boy" Now You had better run, Oh
wen both get a licking"
Hint for liars about the weather: 81
never remember anything like this season
for dryness. Three months without any
rain!p "Bah That's nothing! Now, in
lS46, remember, we didn't have a drop OF
rain for eighteen months !"
Bill stickers: Mosquitoes. "A bier
wagon: The hearse "A tile club: The
hatters' union. a lardy-dah The por-
cine quadruped. IA clear case Of walk
over : foot Bridge blunt question (:
win you sharpen this knife
AS strangers "Hencef6rth we meet
As strangers !" exclaimed Brown, in fit of
anger. "Thank you Brown, my dear fell
low I" gushed Fogg effusively you always
did treat stranger better than your friends
and acquaintance, and you make me ex-
ceedingly happy that am henceforth to
share in your distinguished consideration. -
Boston transcript.
"A striking woman: A jolly old uncle
has been relating some incidents of his
earlier life to his nephew. "of all the
women you ever met, uncle" says the young
man, "by which were you most struck ?"
BY your aunt, my boy, by your auntlr
replies the old gentleman, dropping his
voice and feeling the back of his head ten
derby. the French.
-Demoralizing effect Of fve.o'clock teas
Charles Bonnet (who sets up for witt
Viewer see you without cup of tea; what
. living praise to the article You area
regular tea-deum or, as you're woman,
you must be 'tea-dea'" Miss Florence
Bullseye (who thinks him something of
pedant j." Yes, and being man it must be
that you are tea.deus p"--Lite.
Progress is the word: "What are you
doing in here ?" demanded a lady of the new
colored cook, whom she found displacing
books in the library. whats / dom,
ladyG What's doin'2 Now OATS fine
question ter nx a stugent. l arers makes il
pint ter canine de election OBJ 'stistice
while de pots bilin'" The cause of edu.
cation among the colored people is adyanc.
ing. ArkansGio 1taeeler
-Asphorism from the quarters: De
rainbow might be better lookin ef 'twa'nt
Hech cheap show. De bottom o. de meal
box make mighty po' music Big blazes o.
fire can't roas' your 'taters De bes' seed
amt bound to make big watermillions. You
can't take de twist out de gra-vine by cul.
tervatin' it. Peacock can't hide his foots
by spreadin' his tail Green simmons amt
'fraid O. nobody. Education don't come by
bumpin' gin de school 'ouse. When de
nlorkin-bird try to mork eb'rything he
boun' to let out some music dat amt wuf
much. It's mighty lazy niger dat don't
keep his AK sharp. A hole under de garden
oaiin's is hard secret to keep. oentu,y.
The Peninsular ship canal; Our cores
pondent "Pro Bono Publico," which Is
Latin for chit him again." evidently does
not take much stock in the Peninsular ship
canal project. But from all we can learn,
this canal is among the possibilities of the
near future. We hope it is. AS an enter.
prising newspaper the Transcript is pledged
to the support of the project and every
other project that promises to do good to
the Peninsular, and if Mr.. Tibbetts wants
any more pecuniary help we hope he will
not hesitate to call on us. The engineer
estimates that the canal will cost $685.
30S.18. We will lend MIR. Tibbetts the
eighteen cents if it breaks Middleto,ca
(Del) Transcript.
Not SO very crazy: Nose Schaumburg
had loaned Sam Bingtom seven hundred
dollars. As Nose had not seen Sam on the
streets Of Austin for several days it occurred
to him to call at Sans house and find out
how he was coming OF. He did not see
Sam, but Mrs. Bingtom was at home. She
looked very sad and had black rings around
her eyes. 81 am in great distress, Mr..
Schaumburg." Swat wash do matter ~
Mr.. Bingtom has lost his mind aud has
seen taken out into the country" ibid he
leave dot money NIT you to pay dot note
what comes due next week ?" "Oh, no.
Mr. Schaumburg, he is not crazy enough to
do that. He has not lost his reasoning
faculties entirely. "-1eras .Sytings
Where Cicero would ne honest : Old
ii was asked by one Of our merchants" 81,
do you know darkey by the name Of
Davis ?" "Sissero Davis wild do red eve
dat got burned in de powder srloshin p"
Yes, he's the man. "Well, kno's him. y
/" lie he reliable? ?" "Gin'ull, but it 'pends
moughty on de bizness dat he's gagged in at
de time" "What business would he suit
best in as porter ?" swell, ter tell ye do
fat-fooded unsophisticated trufe, dar's one
place whar dat Niger could wuck an be ez
homes ez de day--an dat's ez porter in 81
real'state sto |" In dat case de o'ner nd be
liable ter fms de propurty allus jess whar he
ief hit" The gentleman named Davis was
not engaged. Georgia Major.
PROFESSIONAL STORY TELLER. -He--Say,
boys, did ! ever tell you what happened to