The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1883-08-20
HE CROSS-EYED MAN.
How He Wore Out the Doctor who Fixed
His Strabismus.

How He Wore Out the Doctor Who Fixed
His strablsmus.
Bill Nye.
Over in ST. Paul met man with eyes Of
cadet blue and terra Gotta nose. His eyes
were not only peculiar in shape, but while one
seemed to constantly probe the future, the
other was apparently ransacking the dreamy
past. While one rambled along the glorious
possibilities Of the remote, yet golden ulh.
mately, the other sought the sombre depths Of
the previously.
He told me that years ago he had mild
case of strabismus, and that both eyes seemed
to glare down his nose until he
got restless and had them operated
on. Those were the days when they
used to fasten a crochet hook under the in
ternal rectus muscle and cut il little with
pair of optical sheep shears. The effect OF
this course was to allow the eyes TO drift back
to direct line, but this man fell into the
hands OF drunken surgeon, who cut the
muscle too much, and thereby weakened II so
that it gradually swung past the point 1t ought
to have stopped at, and he saw with horror
that his eye was going to turn out and pro-
irude, as II were, so that a man could hang
his hat on it. The other followed suit, and
the two orbS that had for years looked along
the bridge of the terra Gotta gradually sepa-
rated, and while one looked toward next
Christmas with fond anticipations the other
loved to linger over the remembrances Of last
fall.
This thing continued till he had to peer
into the future with his off eye closed, and
vice versa.
1t is needless TO say that he hungered for
the blood of that physician and surgeon. He
tried to lay violent hands on him and wipe up
the ground with him, and wear him out across
a telegraph pole. But the authorities always
prevented the administration Of swift and
awful justice.
Time passed on till one night the abnor-
maly wal-eyed man loosened a board in the
sidewalk up town so that the physician and
surgeon caught his foot in it and caused an
oblique fracture of the scapula, pied his dura
mater, busted his cornucopia and wrecked
his sarahbellum.
Perhaps am in error as to some Of these
medical terms and their orthography, but that
is about the way the man with the divergent
orbs told it to me.
The physician and surgeon was quite ruin
lie had to wear clapboards on himself fol
months, and there were other doctors and
laudable pus and threatened gangrene and
doctors bills, with the cemetery looming up
in the near future. Day after day he took his
own anti-iebrile drinks and rammed his
bruised system full of iron and strychnine and
beef tea and dover's powders and hypodermiC
squirt till he wished he could die
but death would not come. IL,
paved the air and howled. They fec
him his own nuxvomica, tincture o
rhubarb and phosphates and cruel, and
brought him back to life with a crooked col
lar bone, a shattered shoulder blade and
look of woe.
Then he sued the town for $4,000 dam
ages because the sidewalk was imperfect, ant
the wall-eyed man with the inlamed nose 60
on the jury.
| will not explain how it was done, Blu
there was a verdict for defendant with cost
on the Esculapian wreck. The man with tn
crooked vision is not handsome, but he
happy. lie says the mills Of the gods grin,
slowly, but they pulverize middling fine.