The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1883-05-23
CHRONICLE CULLINGS.
Through one administration" The
star-route trials.

Through one administration" The
star-route trials.
"You say your wife gets mad and raises
row." II should say she did. She
makes enough fuss to run a freight train
forty miles an hour" But if you knew
she was in the habit of getting mad why
did you marry her?' Because if l had
held back she would have got madder
than ever"
Farmer Furrow is now busy raising the
roof of his seven-by-nine kitchen, putting
an extension to the hennery, enlarging
the duck pond, whitewashing the pigstye
and repainting the mosquito MEETINGS.
His advertisement, under the head of
"Boarders wanted" will soon appear in
the city papers.
Said selfsatisfied young man: "Real-
ly, don't know what / shall do, with the
girls all after me so. A fellow can't be
absolutely rude to them, you know, even
if they do follow him up and constantly
force opportunities to propose, you know.
1 really can't marry them all, you know,
and what can do, old boy?" EASY
enough; skip out to Utah and telegraph
for the whole gang" answered his prac-
tical friend.
"a tired bee," says Sir John Lubbock,
"hums On E, and therefore vibrates its
wings only $50 times in a second" A
brisk little bee humming on A will, on
the other hand, increase its vibration to
40 per second. And a very frisky little
bee, with its stinger turned to the key of
o, will cause the weary sojourner who
happens to lay violent hands on him to
imagine that its vibration is not less than
1,8O0,O 900 per second.
One of the latest lies is to the effect
that the two most intelligent hens are
owned by Louisville lady, who keeps
grocery. One of them lays IN the safe in
the kitchen, SO that the cook can always
have fresh egg for the cake; and the
other lays in the grocery, SO that GUS
toners may be supplied at once with a
fresher article than can be got from the
country If any other ambitious amateur
Ananias can do better than this let him
shell out.
Another very funny story has just been
told me: A well-known artist, who has
been cultivating long hair in these short
hair days, went to his barber the other
day to have these hyacinthe locks trim
med a little. The barber went into a
long-winded Butler harangue over his
work. The artist getting tired at last
cried out: "Oh, cut it short; cut it short"
The barber applied this imperative ejac-
ulation to his work in hand, aud not to
his word of mouth, and the artist rose
from that chair shorn of his treasured
locks, sadder and a wiser man.
A Milwaukee hotel man having grown
tired of numbering bedrooms, now names
them. 1t is rather startling to hear the
hotel clerk, with his quill toothpick in
his mouth, call out: "Take the gentle
mans baggage out of Ireland and send it
up to Siberia" "Give the large gentle
man and his bride the Mammoth Cave"
"Give him Hard Luck" Put him in
the Chimney "Put him in Salt Creek,
or if you perfer you can 60 to Hades."
Among the names are showhegan, Sky
Parlor, Gehenna, Vienna, Vaderland,
Mayhower, Plymouth Rock.
Poor Yawcob: "You say your wife is
trying to get divorce?" said the lawyer.
"Yaw," answered Hans Spreckendeutch.
"Yaw, dot is So" "And now you want
to sue Jacob shneider for damages for
alternating her affections?" "Yaw."
"Was she good wife?" mo, she vas a
bad vomans." "Did you love her very
much?" "No, am peter midout her."
"Well, if she is bad woman and you
are better without her, you are not much
damaged if Jacob Schneider takes her off
your hands," "Yaw, it looks like dot,
amt it? Mabbe it's better I don'd say
nuttings about it. But, py shiminies, l
pitties dot Yawcob Schneider.
A little awkward: Parson Whang-
doodle Baxter noticed at the last prayer
meeting in the Austin Blue Light Taber-
nacle that Gabe Snodgrass, who was
working his lips like the rollers of a pat
tent clothes-wringer as he read his Bible
actually had the book upside down.
"Why, Gabe, you am reading the sacred
book upside down. How am dat possi-
ble?' "Dat am so, for fac, parson.
You see, parson, dis heah Bible b'longs
to my wife, and l don't know how to
handle it yet. Ell jess had my own
Bible heah wild me, dat 1 has done got
de hang OBJ, nebber would hab made
dat mistake"
Not so very crazy: Nose Schaumburg
had loaned Sam Bington 500. As Nose
had not seen Sam on the streets of Austin
for several days it occurred to him to call
at Sans house and find out how he was
coming on. He did not see Sam, but
Mrs. Bington was at home. She looked
very sad and had black rings around her
eyes, Il am in great distress, Mr.,
Schaumburg." "Vat wash de matter?''
"Mr. Bingtom has lost his mind and has
been taken out into the country" "Did
he leave dot money NIT YOU to pay dot
note what comes due next week?" "Oh,
no, Mr.. Schaumburg, he is not crazy
enough to do that. He has not lost his
reasoning facilities entirely.
! A good story is told of an old sea cap
tain who keeps little hotel in north.
ern village ON the seashore, celebrated
for its sands. His wife was very anxious
to have horse, an animal in which the
old man took but little interest, and the
old lady finally won her point, and go1
her horse. The steed was ola playful
disposition, and used, on the least provo