South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-06-01
WIT AND laUssOR.

CuASGE TME SuDJEcr.-'Ai Says.
said papa as he drank bis coffee. and
enjoyed bis morning beefste ak, always
children, change the subject when any =
thing unpleasant has been said. 1t is
wise & polite That evening on his re.
turn from his business he found his
carnation bed despoiled and the tiny
imprnt Of slippered feet silently bear
ing witness to the small thief.
Mabel. did you pick my carnaiionsf
lie demanded.
Papa, did you sec monkey in
town. vac the reply.
Never mind that. Did you pick my
Aowsrsf'
What did gran ca send mei'
Mabel what do you meant Did
son pick my flowers or not? Answer
yes or no.
'Yes papa, / did. but l fou. I'd Try
and change the subject
We heard Brother Holmes, Of Sayan-
nah. Georgia, tell a good joke on a
Richmond hotel man. He said that
When DIR. Price, OF Wales, was attend.
ing our June meetings, tome years ago.
he stopped at Ford's Hotel, and when
he asked for his bill. Ford said: I'VE
knock of half the prics as you are q
minister DIR. Price thanked him and
asked: What do you take of for obi
tors2' One half for editors too. was
tue prompt reply. WELL continued the
doctor i am an editor as we'll as
preacher; SO am entitled TO 2 halves.
and thus my account is settled. The
hotel man laughed and let it go so.
Texas Siftings: A colored porter
in an Austin store asked the proprie.
tor for few days leave Of absence.
What's up now3'
Oars nigg ali gwine to git married.
and l orter be present to see him fru.'
Who is this colorod man at whose
wedding you have to be PRESENT.
Use de niggah boss
BELIEVED HIS WIFE "A certain queer
old character. when asked what was
his opinion on any s1hject. would new
er answer until he asked his wife about
II. The Dutchman here eseme to have
fourished in very much the same sort OF
secondhand wisdom:
During tho trial Of q case in Louis.
vile, last week. Ia witness persisted in
testiiying to what his wife told him.
10 this OF course, the attorney objected
and it was ruled out by the Judge. He
would proceed again to tell 'shust how
it vas when the attorney would sing
out:
How do you know that?'
Ny wife told me- was the answer.
This was repeated several times. Pres.
emily the judge became unable TO CON
tain himself longer:
Suppose your wife were to tell you
the heavens bad fallen, what would you
think
Well den drinks dey vos down
There lives III neighboring toTn n
very beautiful and accomplished young
lady, who, wi en- eleven years DID, being
well grown for one Of her years, and
mistaken by many for a young lady of
sixteen, received compliment. from a
young gentleman, asking her conpa-
ny to concert. She accepted, and
when they reached the entrance TO The
ball. she lisped out: 'AIithter c.
you won't have TO pay but a kwa.her
for me. | am under twelve yeaLh 9th
A lady was urged by her friend to
marry widower, and as an argument
they spoke of children. Children re-.
piled the lady. are like toothpicks-a
person wants her own.
By JOSH BILLINGS. -FLEAs--The
smallest animal ov the brute creation
and the most pesky, is the fless.
They are about the bigness ov On on
ion seed. and shine like a bran new
shot.
They spring from low places, and car
spring further and further than euy
ov the bug brutes.
They bite wus than tho musketoze
for they bite on run, one flea will &c
nul over mans suburbs in two min
nits, aud leave him as frcckled ne tn,
measles.
1t is impossible TO do anything wei
with flea on You except you swArc, ant
Heas amt afraid ov tina. the only wn,
- to quit bizness ov aul kinds an,
hunt for the flea and when 20,
have found him he amt there. This Il
nv tho noo