The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1883-10-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Beauty is but skin deep, at the drug
gists' varying prices per bottle.-1he
Judge.
Yeast compares his clearinghouse
mistress to a frontiersman, for the
reason that she lives on the boarders.
The Newton (Iowa) Journal thinks
the new electric wire fence will be
splendid around melon patch. It
will be so shocking to the boys.
The scientific angler is the man who
goes fishing with $25 worth of tackle
and comes home with twenty-five cents
worth of fish.-NorriSto10 Herald.
He talked namely of the arts,
And said some things about the muse,
But all the point that he could make
Was in his pointed, tooth-pick shoes.
Merchant Traveller.
Jealousy is so rampant now that a
man can't chase his hat down street
without being accused of running
after the presidency.-W Waterloo Ob-
seTGer.
A young lady, who has probably had
reason to doubt the veracity of the
male biped, says patches of lies are only
equale by the lies of baches.-BoSton
Transcript.
Why is it that chicken will wan
der around and never begin to scratch
in dead earnest until she gets on the
bed containing the most expensive
flowers in the garden p-Puck.
"Why do you call stupid person a
stick?" asked Rollo one day. And
Rollo's father said he didn't know, un-
less it was because one end was of no
more account than the other.--ATgo-
1Gut.
A young woman in an Ohio town
has married her brothers wife's father.
When last seen she was busy with a
compass and dictionary trying to
study out what relation she was to
herself.-Peck'S Sun.
When you get pretty well up on the
White Mountains, it is said you can
often see a rain storm below you. 1t
must be decidedly healthy place. A
man don't feel "under the weather"
there, you know.-StGteSmGn.
An Alabama ball club composed of
young ladies challenged male nine
and beat them by 20 to IL. 1t might
be stated, however, that the males
were all married men, and accustomed
to knuckling under to the women
folks.-BUrlGn9ton Free Press.
A young miss of sixteen asks what
is the proper thing for her to do when
she is serenaded by party of young
gentlemen at a late hour. We are
glad to be able to answer this ques-
tion. Steal softly downstairs and
unite the dog.-ROcheSter EIDreSS.
One fellow might hang around surf
swimming place for weeks and never
have a chance to rescue rich mans
daughter from a watery grave.
Another would grapple million heir
ess the very first day, and be invited
to her house to dinner. 1t is all luck.
--PicayUne.
"The race is not always to the
swift" especially when a young man
is met at the gate of pas house by his
greatly admired leaning on the arm of
a rival who had preceded him by
several minutes by coming cross lots
instead of sticking too closely to stone
pavements.-YoRkerS Gazette.
A hospital professor was making an
amputation in the presence Of his
Students; meantime the patient groaned
and sobbed. Irritated at hearing so
much groaning, the professor said to the
patient: "Do me the favor TO be
quiet, for we can't hear ourselves talk.
There are one hundred persons here at
least, and you are the only one who is
making any fuss."-The Monitor,
AecicO.
"Is the man mad?" "No, the man
is not mad ?" Then, what makes
him yell SOP" "IIe is talking to a
man mile away" Through that
little Instruments" "Yes, through
that instrument of torture called a
telephone" "Will he make the man
a mile away hear2" Certainly he
will" "But he could do it just as
easily by yelling out of window
Why, does not the telephone workY"
"No, it does not work. The man
using the telephone works. Jot that
down i'm VOur mem - Hartford POST