The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-05-21

.4Osr said. MIR Jones, your sftas3i'es .
had 81 straight handler 81 thought Il
did, Sbut since it vanished am quite
cersain it anded with q hook.
mo, said New York belle who
! had Just returned from q toar Of Europe
and Egypt mo. / didn't 70 TO the
Red sea Red, You know, doesn agree
with my complexion.
The girls have taken to making patch
work quilts. Now it is TO be hoped
that the piano viii be shut, and thai we
will have peace, as well as pieces in tho
house.
.slsila is better looking, re.al 81
Mrs. THROWN, with smirk, ..l5ut Lucy
will get married first. y ssYcs. oiiifaed
in her husband, ..gimme Luci-ier match
es every time.
He rang the door bell of a banker.
The servant tells him Monsieur does
not receive to day" That makes
nothing to me- NV racket is to know
if he Will give anything
I'm sorry to keep you waiting for
your money said the bank teller 10
Smithers. s.but here's the money all In
yellow boys. ssNever mind, said
Smithers, II see it's worth the weight
in gold.
DR.. Holmes sketches the dude in his
latest poem:
Our last Matched dandy with his glass and
stick
Go match the. model he is aiming at
He ought to wear eggshen for a haD.
1t frequently happens that what
man saves in one way he loses in anoth-
er. For instance, Texas man jumped
from a moving train the other day to
save miles walk to his house. He
hit his head against tree and lost his
brains. -NeU Orleans Picayune.
A gentleman had his boots BACKED
by one of two boys, and gave the shin
er 81 bill to get changed. After wait
ing some time he said to the other boy:
t'Where's your partnerP" oh" said
the youth, with a grin, ''he's bust up.
and I'm his assignee Charcb Union.
The false weather prophet Virgins is
announced to lecture in Montreal on
"How Worlds are Made" If he cared
to speak on theme with which he is
familiar he would make his subject
'.How Fools are Made He has made
thousands of them. Buffalo Express.
Albany boasts of II 70-year-old bache-
Tor who never used tea, coffee, cake, or
pie, and has never been in woman's
since he cut loose from his in
fantile dresses. His life has been about
as monotonous rs that of a wooden In
dian in front of "a cigar store-and he
has just about as much fun.
In modern Egypt "a young man is not
permitted to see his wife S face before
This is rather rough on the
young man, bnt it prevents the news
papers of Egypt from making Jokes
about the girl enticing him into an ice
cream saloon and bankrupting him in
the first round.-AorriStown Herald.
The course of true love" traced by
letters in breach of promise suit in
New York ran in this manner: My |
darling Benny" My own darling Ben
ny, ''My own dearest darling, Your |
loving Baby, ;" Your own loving Pet
my own darling Love" My darling
Ben," Friend Ben" And all was
over.
'sOh, dear! am tired out, exclaimed |
Mrs. Shoppingham; you can't have
parcels sent to the depot now without |
paying, you know, and in an economi-
,al fit I've been Juggling this all about |
he city," And with sigh of relief she
ook spool of cotton out of her pocket
md deposited it on the table.
Il think the millennium must be APP
,roaching," remarked a Harlem man to
deacon. What makes you think SOP"
.sked the good old man. Because
when the contribution box reached your
,ew yesterday you dropped in 3 gold
'iece instead of your usual donation of
nickel" Great Scotti" exclaimed
he deacon turning pale, "'why, L thought
put in only a new 2-cent piece that /
ound on the street the other day!" And
he worldly invectives of the pious old
raud heaped upon his own head would
ave made hardened sinner shudder
Now, children, said Mrs. Shoddy.
$ she finished staining their lips and
hin with rouge; -.now. children. after
OH are out a little while YOU must ring
Irs. Envious' bell and pretend you've
allied to play with her little daughter.
she asks you what made the red /,
aims on your face. tell her You had
raw berries for dinner. There" she
when the children were out of
ght, ''there. | guess she'll be blind
18th envy when she thinks | have been !
Die to buy strawberI'i,s ut 20 cents
int