The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-04-26
Cures by ELECTRICITY.

"Wby don't you take some stock in
the new electric light company. said all
aged man to a middle aged man, as they
stood up to bar taking drink.
'Not none," said the middle aged
man, as he stirred the beverage with q
spoon, and swallowed it--not the spoon
but the beverage. "There's too much
electricity, tell you. and don't know
where tho electricity craze ID going to
end. Wo send messages by electricity,
talk by it, our streets and houses arc to
be lighted by it, End now they have got
to using 1T to cure diseases with. Why,
do YOU know, they advertise to cure
everything with electrioityas Yeuaknow
my wife? Well, she thinks she has every
disense under tho sun, and she is walk.
ing salvanio battery. dare not touch
her unless touch gas pipe or some
iron substance first, or spark will fly
from my hands md stattlo me. You
haven't ssen her lately, eh2 Well she
looks twice rs big as she ever did be.
fore, but she is poor from corrying
around electric belts md pads. First,
she saw IN advertisement in Chicago
paper of nj electric belt, and she
wouldn't be satisfied till got her one,
and to keep peace i'll the family I took
hor measure down to Chicago and got
belt, and she put it Oh and anid she felt
better. Then she wanted pair OF
electric insolts for her shoes, and 1 got
them. Then she wanted m electric
supporter, and L thought 1t would DO a
good way to support her, and I got one
for her. Then she wanted all electric
stomach and liver brace, and I got that.
1 thought she Was pretty woll protected
against tho majority of the diseases the
human family is subjected to, but . ho
saw some moro pictures OF electric ap-
pllanocs in tho paper, and had to buy
her some back pads, and breast collars,
and electrio stockings, and she will want
the rest of tho harness, including Sur
cingle and headstalI. Why. John.
honestly. I will give you leave to shoot
ut my wife with shot gun loaded with
fine shot, for five cents shot, and will
give you dollar for evely shot that
touches her person. She ia enyeloped
in perfect coat of electric mail, and
she isn't worry we'll yot. o, T forgot the
knee pads and hair crimpers. I expect
she will want telephone line next, and
tower with M electric light of four
Know as THIS eIeotrYc' pHhssiniebs In nd4Y,e N,
family does any good, but it is great
saving on RI ills anu things. Before she
struck this electric fuke 1t was cold
day when the drug mans hand-cnrt did
not stop at my house, but now all she
buys Mt drug store is porous plasters
and perfume. Why, sho used to have
regular time car. hung up in her room
for taking medicine, md it required tho
brain of chief justice to prevent get
ting the different kinds of medicine in
at the wroDg times. I have seen hor
take sevon different kinds of little white
pills ia a half day, and mover miss IL pill
or got tho wrong kind. and every pill
looked just alike, and there was no taste
OF smell to them. 1t was great strain
or her mink, and may be this electricity
is doing her good, in resting her intel
lect. All you havo to do is to buckle
on the magnetic corset, or surcingle,
and it goes right to work Mt the drop of
the hat, snd the aame one is good for q
child in arms or votran hundred
years old. There is no doubt in my
mind that science has simpliGcd things
wonderfully, and if my wife is not cured
it will not bo hor fault. But no elec-
trio light stock for me. If I should
carry homo a block Of electric light
stock my wife would buckle it on to her
somewhere, and swear she experienced
great releif. But will have to 90, as
J. nave heard Of an electric bunion, per-
suaid and corn annihilator man IS soil
Ing down on the South side, and my
wife wants one. Good-day."
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