The Black range. (Robinson, Socorro County, N.M.) 1882-1897, 1883-04-27
WITTICISMS.
Spring goods; rat traps.

a rush of customers.
The diamond is the stone for an en-
gagement; but give us the old cobble
stone in a free light.
A Kentucky Judge saysa horse race
is not a game. He's right. It's a cut
and dried affair. just like a caucus.
A Minnesota young man is reported
to have thrown up a live frog. He
probably threw it up on the roof of the
barn.
A Vermont debating society will
tackle the question: (which is the
most fun-to see "a man try to thread
u needle or a woman try to drive a
naiI2"
The meanest slight a girl can put
upon an admirer is to use a pOstal-card
in refusing an offer Of marriage. 1t
proves that she doesn't actually care 2
cents for him.
An old adage says: "Hell is paved
with good intentions, aud it's the only
place of which we ever heard that is.
Generally paving is done with the in
tention of cheating the city.
"What can ! do for you to induce you
to go to bed now ?" asked a mamma Of
her ~fve-year-old boy. You can let me
stay up alittle longer" was the young
ster's response.-Chicago Times.
"Don't pull me around so" said the
thief to the policeman, 81 have a felon
on my inger!" "And have my finger
upon a felen," remarked the police
man, with a sardonic smile Chicago
Herald.
Husband e a. m, after a curtain lee
ture)-"Well, all I've got to say ISL you
are a person of such refinement and good
breeding, you ought to be above talking
to a drunken fellow at this time Of the
night"
Dogs have been known to live to the
age of t%hirty-one years. Perhaps
under favorable conditions, a cat might
live quite as long, but she never has a
chance. If cold death doesn't surprise
her with a wire cartridge or a Boot
Jack the first season, she may plume
herself upon her rare good luck as a cat
favored of the gOds.-Burdette.
Not for Bacon: Oh, the hog. the
beautiful hog, curvlng his back as he
watches the dog; defying the nWfor
his bread and meat; roaming ut large
thro' every street; hunting, grunting
nosing around, till the open front gate
is sure to be found with its hinges
broken and ruined quite, 10y the lovers
who hung there Sunday night; it won't
stay shut; it won't hang livel; so in
walks the hog and raises the devil.
Heard in the sanctum: $50, madame
you have q story which you want us to
print; what is the subject2' "Oh, | am
sure you will like it. 1t is about a lit.
erary man who was in such bad health
that he left the city and bought a farm
and" "Hum, yes; what did he buy il
with" Why, the money lie had saved
up, of course, and then he" pardon
me, madame, but your story won't do
The MunChausen racket IS played out
Philadelphia News.
Lime Kiln philosophy apropos of the
death of Elder Spooner: lie was hon.
est, an darfore poo He was conscien-
shus, and darefore ragged. lie was full
of mercy, an pity, an sympathy, an
darefore had de reputation of bein.
weak in de second story. don't advise
any mar to be wicked, butt desire to
carelessly remark dat the real good man
who am obleeged to turn his paper col.
lars AIN Stunned by society and LATED
at by de world."-Free Press.
"Were you eve arrested for drunken.
ness 2" inquired an insurance agent OF
prospective policy taker. mo, sir;
always know when I've drank all | car
carry and then | quit" swell, how dc
you know when you've got enough p
20, l go out in the street and look
around. If | can easily tell the differ
ence between a drug store and a horse
car, | know | am all right and good fol-
another drink, ana can always find my
way home without the help of 4 lamp
post"
Arrested for carrying a pistol, was
he?" asked a magistrate of an officer
referring to a gentleman who had JUS
been arralgned. Lets see the pistol
The weapon was produced, and handed
to the judge, who examined it, asked
"Where did you get itY' Bought it a
hardware store" "What did it cost :?
Fifteen dollars" Fine implement
How'll you swap" And the judge drew
out a pistol and handed it to the pris
oner. "Take $40 to boot" "All right
I'll fine you $40. That makes us even.
Detroit Free Press.
A man from Woonsoeket was obliget
to make a visit to Boston on some bust
ness. He timed his visit sc as to b.
able to hear a lecture of Mark Twain
at fremont Temple. BY some mis-