Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1883-05-09
SPOOPENDYKE.
Vie Buys a Printing Press and Trys to
Hun 1t, with Disastrous Results.

Hun 1t, With Disastrous Results.
Spoopendyke came home one night
bringing a small bundle in his arms.
"Its printing press, on which / ex-
pect to do all my own printing here
AFTER" he said.
ooh, but isn't that lovely" huttered
Mrs. Spoopendyke, dropping the stork
and rushing to her husbands S side, "and
can't we do the lovelest things with it.!
1t is the kind that the Her0M and Sun
and all those papers are printed with.
ooh, yes, Mrs. Spoopendykc,"
growled her husband, "you've hit it ey-
actly. This is the very kind Igot Mr.
Bennett to kindly try it on, 50 as to get
it the same size as the Herald is print
ed on
"And will you print papers with
yours like Mr. Bennett and the other
editors?" continued Mrs. Spoopendyke
timidly.
ooh, but won't I, though % yelled
her husband at needed q dod gasted
female idiot to think of that, you've
struck the proper plan. Think you
,an print 50X60 show bills with 3x4
Dress? Well, tell ye that ye can't
Can ye get it into your mcasly head
that this is a card press, and can only
print a card three inches by four
nches?'
"Well," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, 81
suppose you can print visiting cards on
it?'
eyes, Mrs. Spoopendyke, | can" said
her husband, in a softer tone, and he
grew in a much better humor as he
proceeded to show his wife the press
and exhibit his deXterity in the use of
he type and the press.
AT last he got his worthy helpmeet's
lame set up in type, and proceeded to
put the chase on the press with grand
flourish. But in an evil hour he had
forgotten to key it up, and at touch
The whole business went to pi, and at
The next fell in a confused mass all
over the carpet,
"Why, what makes it do that said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, laughing
"What makes it do what, Mrs. s.?
sneered her husband as he hit his head
On a corner Of table in a mad dive
after the type. "What dye s'pose
makes it do it, What makes anything
DO anything9 If l had your talent for
asking idiotic questions Id get glass
Of beer and three-inch paper collar,
and live out as prosecuting attorney.
BY this time the worthy gentleman
nad got the name set up and securely
fastened, and was printing with great
gusto; but he had, unfortunately, set
the types in wrong order, and the first
eight perfumed visiting cards came
out like the following:
.ekydnepoopS SIN
When Mrs. Spoopendyke saw it she
,et up little scream, "Oh, isn't that
funny though? What makes it wrong
side up:"
Funny" howled her husband, with
lorrid derision as he grasped the stu
alton. "It's a perfect thunderbolt OF
fun. It's the most delicious humorou;
thing of the century. All you need is
an advertisement of liver pills on the
cover, and a joke about u goat on the
first page, to be comic almanac
With your appreciation of humor, al
you need is broad grin and $4,000
worth of stolen diamonds, to be the
leading comedienne of the American
boards. Can't you see the measly
types turned wrong? They have only
got to be turned round the other way
After half an hour Of diligent labor
the types were again in position, Sc
curely keyed up, and put on the press.
When the final arrangements wert
completed, Mr.. Spoopendyke turned
round to wink at the baby and incau
tiously left his thumb over the edge Of
the press. AS luck would have it
Mrs. Spoopendyke, in her anxiety tt
show her husband how well she under
stood and appreciated the press, ,brough
the lever down and the press closed OF
that gentlemans thumb, making hin
Jump four feet high, and utter an eX
clamation that would have made th'
second lieutenant of company o
pirates blush. "Dod CAST the measl,
printing press he shrieked, as h,
smashed the base burner with it, ant
then he threw it in the alley. Haven
We got any sense scarcely? Why didn'
you go on with the entertainment
The measly thing only got as far a
the bone. Why don't ye finish th
,hapter?" and Mr.. Spoopeudyk'
danced up stairs, five at time, with
parting injunction to his wife to hir'
out for a slaughter-house.
"Well," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, a
she picked up the baby, and put
pitcher of water where her husband
would be sure to fall over it when h,
went downstairs in the morning "if WI
have so much trouble in printing ont
word, l wonder how Mr.. Bennett get!
along with a whole newspaper to print.
STANLEY Huntley.
Time, the destroyer of most things
gives to violins an almost indefinit,
value and Importance, The Joan Car