Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1883-03-06
HIS PA DISSECTED.

groceryman to the bad boy, as the youth
| came in the grocery and took handful
as dried apples. The boy ate dried
&ple and then made up terrible face
and the grocery man asked him what he
| was trying to do with his face. The
boy caught his breath and then said:
Say, don't you know any better than
to keep dried apples where q boy can
get hold of them when he has got the
humps? You will kill some boy yet
I thought these were sweet dried apples,
but they are sour as clearinghouse
Eeeper."
well, never mind the humps. but
about your pa spreeipg it. Try one of
hose Dick les in the Jar there, won't you.
always like to have boy enjoy hime
self when he comes to see me-" said the
groceryman, win king to man who Was
| filling an old. fashioned tin box with to-
bacco out of the pail, who winked back
as much as to say, "If that boy eats q
pickle on top of them mumps we will
have circus, sure"
"You can't play no pickle on me, not
| when | have the mumps. Ma passed
| the pickles to me this morning. and 1
| took one mouthful. and like to had the
| locB Jaw. But ma didn't do it on pur
pose / guess. Dash if didn't feel SO
h0ugh I had been struck in the butt of
tie ear with brick. But about pa He
has been fnller'n goose ever since New
Years Day Pa, when he gets to going
don't ever stop until he gets so sick that
be can't keep his stDmmick inside of
hisself 1t is getting sc that they look
to me to brace pa up every time be gets
on tear, and guess I fixed him this
time so he will never touch liquor again.
scared him so his bald head turned
gray ia a single night"
What under heaven have you done
to him now ?" says the groceryman in
establishment. Il hope you haven't
done anything you will regret in after
years "
Regret nothing" sad the 10y, So be
raised the lid of the cheese box aud took
the knife and SLICED off 3 piece of cheese.
and took few crackers out of q barrel,
and sat down on soap box by the
stove. "You see ma was annoyed to
death by pa. He would come home full,
when she had company, and lay down
on the sofa ard spore. and he would
nell like distiliery. 1t hurt me 10
,ee ma cry, aud | told her | would break
"a of drinking if she would let me, and
he said if | would promise not to hurt
! pa to go ahead, and I promised not to
Then | got my chum and big boy to
aeJp, and pa is all right We went
duWu To the place where they sell arms
and legs To folks who have served in the
army, or Il saw MILL or q thIeshing ma
chine, and lost their limbs. and we Dor
rowed some aims and legs, and fixed up
dissecting room We fixed a long
table in the basement. big enough TO
lay pa out on you know, and then we
got false whiskers and moustaehes, and
when pa came In the house drunk and
laid down on the sofa, and got to sleep,
we took him and laid him out on the
tanle, and took some trunk straps and a
circingle aud strapped him down on the
table. He slept right along all through
1t, and we had another table with the
false arms and legs or, and we rolled up
our sleeves, and smoked pipes, just liAe
l read that medical students do when
they cut up man. Well, you'd died
to see pa look at us when he wokeup l
saw him open his eyes, and then we be-
gan to talk about cutting up dead men
We put hickory nuts in our mouths so
our voices would sound different, so he
wouldn't know us, and was telling the
other boys about what time we had
cutting up the last man we bought. /
said he was awful tough, and when we
bad got his legs off ana had taken out
his brain, his friends come to the dis
secting room and claimed the body, and
we had to give it up, but l saved the
legs. Pa began to turn pale. and he
squirmed around to get up, but found
he was fast. / had pulled his shirt up
under his arms while he was asleep, and
as he began to move / took an ieiGie,
and in the dim light of the candles that
were sitting on the table in beer bottles,
drew the icicle across pals stummick,
and said to me chum: Doc, | guess
we better cut open this old duffer and
see If he died from Inflammation of the
stummick, from hard drinking. as the
coroner said he did, Pa shuddered all
over when he felt the ieiele going over
his bare stummick, and he said For
Gods sake, gentlemen, what does this
mean. I am not dead The other boys
looked at pa in astonishment, and |
said Well, we bought you for dead,
and the coroner's jury said you were
dead, and by the eternal we amt going
to be fooled out of 6 corpse when we buy
if he knowed hisself, and the other stu
dents said: OF course he is dead. He
thinks he is alive, but he died day before
Yesterday, fell dead on the street, and
his folks said he had been a nuisance
and they couldn't claim the corpse,
and we bough; it st the morgus.' Then
/ drew the icicle across him again, and
said: I don't know about this, doctor
L find that blood follows the acalpei gs |
cut through the cuticle. Hand me ths
bl. cd sponge, please Pa began tol
wigple around, and we looked ut him, |
aud my chunl raised his eye lid, and
looked solemn. aud pa said: Hold on,
gentlemen Don't cut into me any
more, and can explain this Mstter. -
This is ali & mistake We went tnt0 s !
corner and whispered, and pa kept talk. 4
ing AL the time He sid if we would
postpone the hog killing he could send
and get witnesses to prove that he was
H0t dead, but that he was a respectable |
citizen and had family. After we
b adj held 3 consultation I went to pa |
and told hi42 Ehat what he said about