The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-12-22
Posi- OFFICE DIvAN,

oSI offltE OMAN,
LARAMIE CITY, W. r., Oct. |, 1883. !
To the President Of the Taitcd States
SIR: beg leave at this time to Off
cially tender my resignation as Postmas-
ter at this place, and in due form to de-
liver the great seal and the key 20 the
front door of the office. The safe COM
bination is set on the numbers So, &C and
SO, though | do not remember at this
moment which comes first, or how many
times you revolve the knob, or which di-
rection you should turn it at first in Or
der to make it operate.
There is some mining stock in my pri-
vate drawer in the safe, which have
not yet removed. This stock you may
have if you desire it. 1t is luxury, but
you may have it. | have decided to keep
a horse instead of this mining stock.
The horse may not be so pretty, but it
will cost less to keep him.
You will find the postal cards that have
not been used under the distributing ia
BILE, and the coal down in the cellar. If
the stove draws too hard, close the dam
per in the pipe and shut the general de-
livery window.
Looking over my stormy and eventtul
administration as Postmaster here, find
abundant cause for thanksgiving. At
the time entered upon the duties of my
Office the department was not yet on a
paying basis. IL was not even self-sus-
tanning. Since that time, with the ac-
tive cooperation of the chief executive
and the head of the depart ent ] have
been able To make our pVstai system a
paying one, and on top OF that am now
able to reduce the talItf on average sized
letters from ) cents too. | might add
that this is rather too too. but | will not
say anything that might seem undigni-
fled i'll an official resignation which is to
become matter of History.
Though all the vicisstudes of tenn
pestpous term of Office | have safely
passt d. | am able to turn over the office
to-day in highly improved condition,
and to present purified and renovated
institution to my successor.
Acting under the advice of Gen. Hat
ton year ago, removed the feather
bed with which my predecessor, Deacon
Hayford, had bolStered up his admins
tratioD by stutfing the window, and sub
stituted glass. Finding nothing in the
book OF Instructions to PoStmasters
which made the feather bed Il part
of my official duties, flied it away in an
obscure place aid burned iG in e.fiIy,
also i'll the cleaning. TINS act lnadiened
my predecessor to such Il degree that he
then and there became a candidate for
Justice of the Peace on the Democratic
ticket. The Democratic party was able
however, with what aid it got from the
Republicans, to plough the old man I'M
der to great degree.
1t was not long after l had taken my
official oath before an era of unexampled
prosperity opened for the American peo-
Pile. The price of beef rose to remark
able altitude, and other vegetables COM
manded good figure and ready market
We then began to make active prepara-
tons for the introduction of the straw
berry roam cent stamps, and the black
and tan postal note. One reftr I'm was
crowded upon the heels of another until
the country is to day upon the foam
| crested wave of permanent prosperity.
4ii' L Sdii INV ClOSc Ills ieU-
ter without thanking yourself and the
| heads of departments at Washington for
your active, cherry, and prompt copera.
ton in these matters. You can do as
you see fit, of course, about incorpora,
ting this idea into your Thanksgivin
proclamation, but rest assured it would
not be illtimed OF inopportune. II 10 not
alone credit to myself. ItrsAects credit
| unop tho A RI mi 81 ion
| | need not say tl..,1 herewith trans
nit nv rescna lion with sorrow and gen
uine rear-v. We have toiled on together
mouth after month, asking for no rewarG
| except the innate consciousness of recti
tuGe and the salary as fixed by law. Now
we are to separate. Here the roads seem
to fork, as it were. and you and | anG
the Cabinet must leave each other al
this point.
You will find the key under the dool
mat, and you had better turn out the cal
at night when you close the office. Ii
she does not go readily. You can make il
clearer to her mind by throwing the can
ceiling stamp at her.
ii Deacon llaytnla does not pay up hi.
box reht, You Ill Oh, ~ We'll put his mai
i'll the general deilv, rr. and hen Bot
Head gets druak and insists On "A let,e,
from one of his wives every day in the
week, you can salute him through the box
delivery with an old Queen Anne toma
hawk which you will Gnd near the EtIus
can water pail This VIII not in any
manner surprise either OF these parties.
| Tears are unavailins. | once more be-
come private citizen. clothed only with
the right to read such postal cards as
may be addressed to me personally and
to curse the inefhcency of tue Post Office
Department. | may be in error as to the
attributes of an American citizen, but
believe the above to be the most promi.
nens. | believe the voting class to be
divided into two parties, viz. those who
are in the postal service and those who
are mad because they can not receive a
registered letter every fifteen minutes OF
each day, including Sunday.
| Mr.. President, aS an official Of this
| Government | now retire. My term OF
office would not expire until 1886 must
therefore beg pardon for my eccentricity
i'll resigning. 1t will be best, perhaps,
to keep the heart-breaking news from
the ears of European powers until the
dangers of a financial panic are fully
past. Then hnrl it broadcast with a
sickening thud. Very respectfully yours.
BILL NYE.