The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1883-12-12
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

How singular that baby's 1st 9th
should come 4th.
A tramp called his shoes corporations
because they had no soles Merchant
I'rdUeler
Do clothes make the man My son,
they do. They make him mighty bash
full of his tailor.-Ha10keye.
An exchange remarks that the moon is
just right for buggy riding. No doubt
it is, but the average young man prefers
to ride with a pretty girl. -BwliRgtoD
Free Press.
"a new industry in Norway is the can
ming of whales" 1t is not stated how
many whales are packed in each can;
but we shouldn't think the number was
over four.-Norristoac Heraldg
A Georgia man had every hair of his
head taken off by an electric bolt during
a thunder storm A Philadelphia man,
hearing of this, said he knew now why
his wife's first name was Electra -Phila-
delphia Call.
"Did you give Johnny the medicine,
Mr. Brown?" asked the doctor. "Oh,
yes, DOCTOR" replied the loving mother;
and then she added innocently, "and it
don't seem to have done him the least
harm. -SOmerriHe Journal.
Anti-vivisectionists argue that it gives
an oyster acute pain to open its shell
with a knife. Let us then sing to the
tender biyalve, and when he gazes at US
in open-mouthed wonder we can kill him
with a club. York C0mmercial
Herbert Spencer says Americans are so
driven by business that they never stop
to leisurely examine anything. Guess he
never saw 500 or 600 Americans stand
ing around for two hours watching three
men raising an Office safe to fourth-story
window. Boston Gdgette
"Have you brought your gimlet with
you ~ "Hush, Johnny" said Mrs.
Yerger. "Go to bed, sir, remarked Col.
Yerger. what do you mean ~ asked
Gus. II don't mean muffin; except |
heard pa say you were coming up this
evening to bore us all. "--Terds Sytings
The awful prevalence of pie in this
co lntry is illustrated by the remark sent
to the DrGUe,' by grandfather, proud of
hi grandchild of three years who is Wis
itiag him. Enthroned in her high chair,
sh waited at table for the appearance of
the dessert. The family pie was duly set
before grandma, and baby's eyes were
directed that way, when a small pie
made for her majesty was slipped before
her. Equal to the occasion, her eyes
dancing with delight, she burst out with,
" Oh, auntie, I'm mamma of this pie ~
Harper'S DrdUer
Simply because a Dayton, Ohio, father
used horsewhip when he demonstrated
with "A young man for hanging on his
front gate, the young man has brought
suit for damages to find by what right
the father objected to his swinging on
the gate with his daughter. The old man
was right. He knew that the gate-swing-
ing season was passed. and that the
young man was in danger Of catching
cold in the head. Then, when he came to
help burn the oil and coal this winter,
MS pesky snufiing and nOse-blowing
would keep the indulgent father awake
all night. The father was right in pro-
ecting himself.-Ptck'S Sun.
1t is simply impossible for fat man
o be real dude. He may sport the
regulation collar; he may wear coats 50
hort that his vest shows beneath it, but
ne can't be a successful dude. A dude
must have thin legs head shaped like
/ pineapple. He NJ ave dimples be-
lind his ears and enough to hide
hem. Now a fat chubby, plump
'otund youth, can 'swer to these
pecitications. FaIool sad and
'acant and biliof H9ound to per
pire in weatheg d.. o get red in
he face and q Oof A dude
never perspiref snip, those other
hings. He Ors q 'lways buhb'co
oned up alwf o. r biaNGeo6red
cans IimeS-I Onhitfa.
Il oourbo gcroRs.
Why DriH viii p, Gas tarY'
Henry Graj No ~ Che ice
tituti0H; Ny oFtheri
he followit r., - appointed
.ustoiii IisIe "eetI'J said es-
usual tbiJ FaGP u "ecl
iriver wo,t, 'hat tbleoop.
hat M 6lDgho SGOOD-
with FE Iaboro.
zach Of
hat
md II