National Republican., 1883-01-26
BREAKFAST BITS.
MILD LuNAcY.

a
For was she not to meet the bold boouack,
And the big brown Jug aud the heavy placque
And the paper weight, and the shot gun trues
And the pair of tongs and tho overshoe,
And the unlit lamp, and the pot of jam,
And the loose door knob, and the flowing dam,
AS love-ward she went roaming
In the gloaming2
"Why do you weep ?" ask'd the clarlonet
Ofthe sprnkling pot one day;
| "I Iweep-t weep land the tears fell fast--
81 weep to hear you playp'
For the sprinkling pot, living next door to
below -lungod man, who constantly blew
On the clarionet with monotony-
" Tum-t -tedle- tidle-todle- tadlo-tum -
Had deaf, dumb, blind, and lachrymose become
| From the tede-tadle.tee"
1t could not feel Albany Argus.
CARPENTERS and poker players are known
by their chips.
PEACH trees are in blossom in Florida.
Spring time is comingi
GEN. SIMON CAMERON is returned as
printer in the last census.
THE seats in Rev. DIR. Talmage's church, ut
Brooklyn are let lortho current year at COO
WIGGINs says he wishes he could feel as
certain of heaven as he does OF the gale he has
predicted for March,
BURGLAR at Ovid, Mich, used fifty cents
worth of chloroiorm on u man from whom he
stole thirty-hve cents
WHEN telegraph wires are in the way of
tho firemen of philadelphi at conhagration
they are promptly pulled down.
JONATHAN LoNaFELLow, Delaware
farmer of 20, who is the father of twenty-eight
children, has just married third wife.
WRITER asks: "Why don't men live a
hundred years2" And wise man rises up and
AYERS that II is because they haven't the time.
A New YORK man has been declared in
sane and, 80 far as IL appears, simply because he
lived In boarding house. Hunger is often
cause ofinsanity.
The emperor of the Bannock tribe, with
two empresses and papoose princes, were engaged
during the holidays in fishing Christmas gifts out
OF swill barrels in Dillon, Montana.
SARAH BERNHARDT says the London Truth,
hardly seems in hourshlng pecuniary condition
Just now. The receipts of the Ambigu theater are
taken nightly by her numerous creditors.
HE great clock at Strasburg which is three
centuries old recently did itself proud by produce
Ing transit of Venus on its own hook. 1t was
simultaneous with the genuine transit of Dec. g.
THERE is family in Milton, Kentucky.
consisting of father, mother and six children,
every one Of whom chews and smokes tobacco,
and the youngest is only two and years old
A MAN always looks through his pockets
four times before handing his coat to his wife to
have button sewed on, and even then he is
filled with nameless fear until the Job Is COM
pcied.
Your husband is staid man now, is he
not?" asked former schoolmate of her friend
who had married man rather noted for his fast
habits. - think So" was the reply, "he stayed
out all last night"
JUSTICE JIM SMITH sent Margaret Gregory
to jail for drunkenness at Washington Ind, as a
matter of official duty. Then he went to the
prison with clergyman and welded the woman
In her cell as matter of personal choice.
HENRY VAN DER WYDE, court photo
grapher of the royal household of Great Britain,
Is native of Rondout, N Y. He was once tho
assistant of the late Prof. Draper. During the war
heserved in the sixty fifth New York volunteers
THE London World thinks the word "gour.
mand" Is not a nice one TO apply to those who
love good food and suggests cheerist" as pleas
ant substitute. If this is adopted the word bibu.
lant ought TO be reformed, aud let us have "beer-
ist' instead.
A MINISTER who was speaking about
heaven said: No feeble dlom OF earth can de.
scribe or portray the beauties of that place" lie
was ready to scalp the reporter the next day, who
rendered the sentence, "No feeble idiot of
carth," &c,
BOY OF eight years died in England, pois-
oned by the action of u substance used in dyeing
his stockings Sir John Humphrey testified that
several striking proofs had come under his notice
OF the danger of wearing many OF the dyed stock
ings offered for sale.
| ALPHoNso LEON Gambettas son, is said to
be extremely bright and intelligent, lazy, undls.
, oiplined noisy aud mischievous, but not wicked,
aud these are the exact terms in which all the old
schoolmates of his father speak Of the character OF
the latter during his schoolboy days.
LATELY the Sunishdr Bahadur, of Ahme-
5 dabad, has hit upon the original idea of printing
Its first side, heading and ALL on the fourth page
1t has carried out the singular programme con-
, sistently. To read the paper you have TO begin
, from the end and finish at the beginning.
EX-SrATE Senator Robert III. Strabau, of
New York, was married on Wednesday to Miss
:. Carrie Cuyler Candee of Palmyra, N Y. The
bride is a daughter of Mrs. Maria Candee widow
S OF o. w. Candec. She 81 years Of age, and is a
brunette; tall, stylish, and of stately bearing. She
is highly accomplished, and is admired by all who
p have ever made her acquaintance.
A UNIQUE gift to ladies in England during
the recent holidays was handsomely and some-
times eXpensvely bound copy Of the new " Mar
ried Woman's Property Act" that went into op-
Grafton ut the beginning of the year, The act had
been printed In rather eXultant type, with -four
q wives as suggestive to sweethearts.
: WHISKY traffic at Boise City, l. T., must be
9 rather brisk, even for western town. public
spirited man there proposes thati he is given tho
: exclusive right to sell spurious liquors in that
town, he will agree TO pay the indebtedness of tho
city and school district, and forever keep up n
Q frst-cass public school sufficient 10 educate all
a the children, pay u good liberal salary to every
preacher for every church in the city and build
- new church every five years. lie expects to be-
u come millionaire himself besides.
THE queen may recall with some compa-
= ccncy her remarks to the bishop of Newcastle on
u Canon Ashwels death. Her majesty asked who
i was going TO continue the life of his father "My
=, eldest brother, madam" was the reply. Has he
}, the necessary qualifications" asked the queen.
a Z" His family think not, madam" "Then why do
= you let him do 1t p said her majesty. Because
. my brother is obstinate and will have his own
Il way" "Do you hear thatT' said her majesty,
# turning to the Princess Beatrice. Vanity Fur.
II A GRANDDAUGHTER of Charles Dickens is
I about to mako her appearance on the London
h stage as a professional. She is the daughter OF
@ Charles tho younger, Mrs Bancroft Marie viii
n ton), who has been consulted by Mr.. Dickens on
= = the subject Of his daughters determination. Is
sanguine of the girls future. She will start iaily
: enough. There is not manager Of u theateE, not
& q member Of the press, who viii not, Tor tho
| G,t, fat haria En . n f.fg-