Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1883-09-18
sPARRING.
Bill Nye Takes a Boxing Lesson
With Disastrous Results.

l have just returned from a little
two-handed tournament with the
gloves. l have filled my nase with cot
ton waste so that | shall not soak this
sketch in gore as | write.
/ needed a little healthful exercise,
and was looking for something that
would be full Of vigorous enthusiasm
and at the same time promote the
healthful flow Of blood to the muscles
This was rather difficult. | tried mos
everything, but failed. Being a socia-
Bile being Goke) l wanted other people
to help me exercise, or 60 along with
me when | exercised. Some men car
60 away to a desert isle and have fun
with dumb bells and a horizontal bar
but to me it would seem dull and com.
monplace after a while, and | would
yearn for more humanity.
Two Of us finally concluded to pay
billiards, but we were only amateurs,
and the owner intimated that he would
want the table for the 4th of July, SO
we broke off in the middle Of the first
game, and | paid for it,
Then a younger brother said he had
a set OF boxing gloves in his room, aud
although | was the taller and had
longer arms, be would hold up as long
as he could, and ! might pound him
until 1 gained strength and finally got
we'll.
| accepted this offer because | had
often regretted l had not made myself
familiar with this art and also because
l knew it would create a thrill Of in
terest and FIRE me with ambition, and
that's what a hollow-eyed invalid
needs to put him on the road to re.
covery.
The boxing glove is a large, fat nit
ten with an abnormal thumb and q
string at the wrist by which you tie il
on, so. that when you feed it TO your
adversary he cannot swallow it and
choke himself. | had never seen any
boxing gloves before, but my brother
said they were soft and wouldn't hurt
anybody. So we took off some Of oul
raiment and put them on. Then w
shook hands,. That was to show that
we were friendly and void not STAY
each other.
Ny brother is a great deal younger
than | am, and so | warned him not L
get excited and come for me with any.
thing that would look like wild anC
u~ngovernable fury, because | might il
tho feat Of debate pile his jaw up OF
his forehead and fill his ear full Of sort
thumb. He said that was all right anC
he would try to be cool and col
lected.
Then We put our right toes close to-
gether and | told him to be on hi
guard. At that moment | dealt him
heavy blow aimed at his nose, bu'
through a clerical error ofmine it wen
oyer his shoulder and spent itself IL
the wall of the room shattering a small
hollywood bracket, for which | paiC
him 1915 afterward. l did not wish t
buy the bracket because | had two a
home, but he was arbitrary about il
and l bought it.
We then took another athletic pos
ture, and in two seconds the air wa
full Of poulticed thumb and buckskiI
mitten. l soon detected q chance Il
put one in where my brother coult
smell of it, but | never knew just wherI
it struck, for at that moment | ran vi
against something with the pit Of m.
stomach that made me throw up tn
sponge along with some ether gro
%ceries, the names Of which | canno
now recall.
Ny brother then proposed that "
take off the gloves, but | thought
had not sufficiently punished him, an
that another round would complet
the conquest, which was then almos
within my grasp. | took a bismut
powder and squared myself, but i
warding off a left handler, | torgo
about my a~dversary's right and ran IN
nose into the middle Of his boxin
glove. Fearing that | had injured hin
| retreated rapidly on my elbows an
shoulderblades 10 the corner OF th
room, thus giving him ample time I
recover. By this means my youngC
brothers features were saved and al
to. day as symmetrical as my own.
lean still cough up pieces Of boxin
gloves, and when | close my eyes | ca
: see calcium lights and blue phospht
! resent CLEANS across the horizon, bl
am thoroughly convinced that the
. is no physical exercise which yiel,
I. the same amount Of health and elast
I vigor to the punoher that the man
art does. To the punohee, also, it q
, fords a large wad Of surprises and no
! bleed, which cannot DO hurtful
I those who banker for the pleasil
nervous sheck, the spinal jar and h
0 pyrotechnic conclusion.
This is why | shall continue d
exercises after | have practioed wi
> a mule or a cowcatcher two or thf
weeks, and feel a little more con
5 denoe in myself,