The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-02-24
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The sad-eyed poet sings and signs
because there are no birds in last year
nests. Such man would howl for the
banana in the peel of the past.-N, o.
Pscayune,
A Philadelphia man who wants to
die, but doesn't want to disgrace his
friends by committing suicide, has en-
gagged ffth-story room in hotel and
is awaiting his fate. -PhitadeL1itia Ghron-
icie- HeraM.
-Sunflower leaves are new used in
the manufacture of cigars. If they have
an estheticising effect on q man il shows
itself very singularly in his discourse after
he has tried to smoke one. - SoDerUille
JournaL
India rubberis now aaulterated with
pulvcrized cork, and it has got so that
you can't tell a dealer in gum shoes to
cork up without his getting as red in tho
face as an Italian sunset. - Boston 1ra,as-
c1fpt.
''Mary Jane,'' said Dickey, 'isn't
this weather too cold for potatoesp"
''Dickey," said Mary Jane, lit ism cold
that takes off the potatoes; it consump-
tom co." said Dickey, IL neverlived
on farm. ~ Courier Jomnat
Nothing is better calculated to de-
stroy mans equahiinity than to have a
lady walk up to him while he is linger-
ing neara fruit-stand and offer him two
cents for an apple, when in reality he is
only waiting for horse-car to come
along. -Puck
"A poem in the Cambridge Tribune
/ begins: cam | well or thwellp Am |
living at all?'f After looking the stuff
through, the reader is bound to conclude
that the writer was decidedly unwell,
and it is very doubtful if by this time he
is Giving at all He wouldn't be if his
identity were known,-LoweU Citizen.
An exchange announces in a tone
of surprise: "The Gar and Czarne
have been dancing at ball. There
doesn' seem to be anything out of the
way in such conduct. This is what balls
are for. Now, if they had danced at a
prayer meeting. comment would have
1 been in order = NorristoWR Herald
us the lady of the house imp asked
a tramp of the servant who rang the
/ doorbell of one of the stateIiest mansions
4 in Austin. 'De lady oh de house don t
come to de door to talk wild de like OBJ
YOU" Then said the tramp, elevat-
| ing the remnant of hat, with a grace
Chesterfield might have enyied, tell the
/ lady of the house gentleman wishes to
speak with her in the parlor. ''-1eras
Sytings.
Lime Kiln philosophy apropos Of
the death of Elder Spooner: 'sHe was
honest, an darfore poo. He was con-
scienshus, and darfore ragged He was
fully of mercy, an pity, an sympathy,
an darfore had the reputation of bein'
weak in de second story. | doan' adj
wise any man to be wicked, but | desire to
carelessly remark dat de real good man
who am obleeged to turn his paper col
lars am stunned by society and lated at
by de world. ~ Detroit Free Press.
job Smith, assistant keeper of the
Highland lights at Navasink, N. j.,
being imprisoned alone in the building
by snow storm, attempted to thaw out
the lard-ol pipes of the lights with an
alcohol hambeau, and was nearly burned
to death by the flaming alcohol He ran
out of the house all ablaze, and saved
himself by diving into the snow, although
he was terribly burned. He attended
the lights until daylight and then sig
nailed to the village at the foot of the
hill for aid, when the regular keeper
came to his relief He will be marke d
for life. but his condition is not considered
critical.