Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-27
Irving Sarcasm On Him.


Every time we went into the com,
posing room during the last few weeks
we noticed pale, hungry-looking
young man making himself quite al
home. The ease with which he seem
ed to read type upside down, and the
haven't-had-a-drink since yesterday
morning look in his bilious eye, in
dicated plainly that he was a printer
He was also partial to splitting ON the
stove, which was corroborative evi.
dence that he belonged to the craft,
but we knew that he did not belong to
Siftings Office. The gentlemen who
take typographical liberties with our
manuscript are not of that class.
The pale young man. whenever we
saw him, was either reading the type
in the forms, or glancing over the
proof files. We became quite indig-
nant, but we said nothing until yes
terday, when our indignation culmin-
ated as we noticed him reading some
copy that we had written only a few
moments before. When he took a
stump of pencil out of his pocket, and,
after sucking the point of it, added
an to the rear of the word potato,
we could restrain ourselves no longer.
No, no; we did not pick up a mallet
and lay him low with a dull thud on
the Brussels-carpeted composing-room
floor. We tried sarcasm on him.
Sarcasm is said to be n powerful
weapon. We have been carrying
that kind of concealed weapon on our
person for some time, and we thought
this would be good chance to try
its effects. We said to the foreman /:
"Why don't you get rocking chair
for strangers to sit ON when they arc
revising our copy?" We spoke in
loud voice, so that the pale young
man would not fail to hear. If he
understood what we said he succeeded
in concealing his emotion most admir-
ably. The printers, however, seemed
to enjoy our remarks. We were en-
couraged and tried again. IF we
have written anything that he doesn't
like, don't put it in the paper on our
account" We said this to the fore
man, but at the pale young man.
The foreman smiled and said that he
would try and make him feel at home.
"Ask him." we continued, eff he
wouldn't like to relieve us of the bur.
den of editing the paper in considera.
ton of a princely salary, to be paid
promptly every Saturday night?"
We used our most powerful and
sneerful tone of voice in saying this,
but it seemed to have no effect OH the
pale young man. He knocked down
a small display advertisement as he
reached out for a fresh piece of man.
uscript literature.
If our friend with the bilious eye
must have Siftings in instalments,
and in advance, couldn't you find out
where he boards and send the proofs
to his hotels 1t would save him the
bother of walking up to the Office.
If there is one thing we pride our
selves on more than another, it is on
being accommodating to strangers;
he would like to drop into
the business office and look over the
books or check the cash account. BY
all means extend to him all the cour-
tosy possible"
We thought that that surely would
move him, but he went on calmly and
serenely reading our article on
"The Punishment of Crime" as if he
had not heard word we said, and yet
we were not three feet from him and
talking as loud as we could.
We wanted to arouse his angry pas
sions, but we were foiled. We were
afraid that we would do something
wicked if we stayed there any longer,
so we left. Half an hour afterward,
when the foreman came into the edi-
torial room, we asked him if he could
understand how the young man could
stand all that scathing sarcasm that
we had poured out on him.
Understand it ?" Then the fore
man laughed loud and long. 81
should say so; don't you know him |"
We confessed that we knew all we
cared to know of him.
"Why, he is that deaf and dumb
tramp printer from Tennessee, and he
didn't hear blamed word you said.
He could have stood it all evening"
We have come to the conclusion
that there is not such power in sar.
casm as is claimed for it-when it is
used on a mute.-Texas Siftings.