The Labor enquirer., 1883-01-13
lSTRAYED OR STOLEN.
Al Unknown quantity-the number of
(eors seen by spring chicken.

Billiard balls can be made of potatoes,
but they can never afterward be used in
hash.
The way many persons keep good
we'll they never scatter any of their
goodness abroad. =. t=E y
Mrs. Langtry calls Jumbo "my famous
'eountryman." Her left-at-home husband
she probably considers an elephant
An obituary notice in Utah closes very
touchingly He leaves thirteen widows
and ffty-four children" They have acre
lots in Utah. r.
! An amateur bicycler has named his
wheel "Churn," because it has made a
number one butter out of him on several
festive occasions.
If man finds he has too many friends
he can lose them one by one simply by
brushing their silk hats the wrong way.
This goes against the grain and will not
-'go down." ..-t>
Mrs. Parvenu was showing a friend a
picture she had picked up" in Dresden,
and the friend said it was lovely. YES"
said Mrs. Parvenu, "isn't it? Why, the
frame cost my husband two hundred
dollars"
How shall you know whether young
lady and gentleman of your acquaint-
sance are really engaged, even if they de-
ny the charge? Easy enough. Just
notice if he smokes a cigar while walk
ing with her on the street. If he does, it
is all fixed.
"'Oh, yes" be said, II would lend Fred
the money if it wasn't for one considera-
ton. I hate to put myself under such
obligations toa man. If loaned him
the money l should have to associate
with him right along, so as to strike the
first opportunity of getting it back"
Said the gilded youth: "What's the
use of my kicking about the price my
tailor sets on a suit of clothes? 1 used
to do it, but one day, after I had argued
a couple of hours with him, suddenly
thought that it was ridiculous waste Of
time, as should never pay the bill, any
how"
A Chinaman who wrote a poem on
grain ofrice, did very we'll, but a Chicago
printer accom- plished feat which sounds
more remarkable. He took a copy:of
Chicago,paper, and after .cancelling all
the accounts of divorces, murders and
other crimes, reprinted what was left of
it on a three-cent piece.
A New York bride received among
her presents an order for twenty tons of
coal, which leads the Courier-J Journal to
remark that the time when a young
woman needs twenty tons of coal is
during the courtship. After that the
young man, unless he is wholly destitute
of relatives, is supposed to furnish the
fuel
A Boston editor bounced the cook,
cuffed two children, left his wife in tears,
and made bee,line for the office and
wrote 'If you want to make the world
brighter and better, begin by being kind
and loving to those in the small circle of
your own family, and, from that as a
center, work out as you are permitted to
go"
A boy paid his first visit to one of the
public schools the other day as a scholar,
and as he came home at night his
mother inquired: "Well, Harry, how
did you like going to SCHOOL," "Bully"
he replied in an excited voice. 81 saw
four boys licked, one girl get her ear
pulled, and big scholar burn his elbow
on the stove. I don't want to miss
day"
An Arkansaw man was observed sitting
by road, holding gun. When asked
what he was doing, he replied: Il sent
my son to mill this morning, and just
nowI heard that fellow named Gould
was about to own all the roads in this
country. Thinkin' thai, he mout have
bought this road l have come down here
to keep him from takin' the meal away
from my boy"
The dancing lady who tries to wear
the skirt of her dress under her arm and
the waist around her knees and Kicks
her slippers clear over the orchestra
chairs every night. gets $500 week, and |