The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-11-29
In q Sleeper.

One of the most difficult things in this
world, next to swimming the whirlpool
of Niagara, is to get into the upper berth
of q sleeping car, says the travelling man
Of Texas Siftings. It is q dangerous
feat, as we'll rs embarrassing. The up
per berth of sleeping car is as unpopu.
lar as a green watermelon. The time
worn saying that nothing comes by
chance is misnomer. In attempting to
storm the battlements of an upper berth
it is a grave chance if you ever succeed
in forcing an entrance. Upper berths
are very good openings for gynasts and
sailors. They afford rare opportunities
for them to show of. 1t is b moving
and affecting sight to see the fat and
habitually dignified head Of family
Iaboriously acquire possession OF an up
per berth. The trouble usually begins
by the old gentleman expostulating with
the conductor for putting him so high
up, and he begs that gilt-edged official
to try and make trade with some small.
sized man who can easily climb up the
side Of the car and crawl inside with little
or no difficulty. The commanding off,
Ger of the quarter deck says he will see
what be can do about it, and then he
wanders off into the blue regions of the
smoking car aud shakes dice with the
train boy for cigar. Meanwhile the fat
man waits and perspires and fumes and
curses all the officials of the road, from
the president down TO the section bosses.
When the conductor saunters leisurely
back, he tells the fat man that nothing
can be done; no one, he says, will ex-
change lower birth for an upper-no,
not even if the fat man will give some
thing to not.
That is Just the way in this world, as
soon as anybody wants anything it i'm
mediately becomes valuable. Then the
dignified fat man glares at the other pas
sengers and waits until they have all re-
tired before he tries to get up into his
berth.
There are several different ways of
forcing an entrance into an upper berth.
You can hire the porter for two bits to
give you leg up, but this method is
liable to attract attention and excite I'M
generous and sarcastic remarks. The
d;gnified fat man has regular circus.
First, swinging himself by the curtain
bar. he tries to go in feet first, but he
can't let go the rail without tumbling
back again into the aisle. The porter
helps him ont OF this fix, and the fat man
tries new deal. This time he steps on
the car OF sleeping beauty in the lower
berth, and the sleeping beauty knocks
the pins out from under him and the fat
man retires to the wash room to battle his
nose and abuse monopolies and the &C.
commodations of the travelling hotel.
Then he gets the porter to bring
camp. stool; he gets upon it. catches
hold Of the brass rod above, and is about
to spring for the berth, whom the camp
stool doubles mp, and in his efforts to
save himself from coming down with q
dull thud" he wildly grabs the bell
cord, and stops the train, and the con.
ductor comes in and uses language to
him, and the passengers all wake mp and
use more language, and the dignified
passenger even wishes he were dead or
that he had more clothes on. Finally he
manages to crawl into the upper berth;
and he boils over with malicious
thoughts for the bankruptcy Of the rial.
road company. II is full hour before
he relapses into slumber aud then the
horrible suspicion flashes across him
that the berth may become loosened in
some way from the catch. and spring up
against the ceiling of the oar and
another him. He sleeps NO moro till
daylight and then he has to jump ont
and dress hurriedly, for the train 10 run
ming into the city.
The boy in the sleeping car usually
travels with his mother. pale, care.
worn woman Who Is going somewhere to
meet her husband. He keeps his mother
in condition Of mental distress ell the
time. He hampers with the window,
hurts his fingers and howls; he swings
between the seats and falls ON the back
Of his head. He disappears, and when
his mother 10 about TO faint, believing
that he has fallen OF the train. he h dis
covered riding on the brake on the
rear platform. When rescued and
baok 70 his mother he yells again.
The boy in the sleeping. car does not
know how 10 modulats his voioe. He
talks in loud key. This IL sonstimss
very embarrassing whom The train stops
Embarrassing to The other passsngsrs
bat NOT 10 the bQy. II you sver trav.
slsd you have met this boy. havpt yons
and be has asksd rem what yagieus AEt-