The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-02-09
Wit and Wisdom.


In Siam the people worship the elephant
In this country they only want to see him.
New Orleans Picayune.
Having used DIR. Balls Cough Syrup in my
family for the last three years, L find it is the
best preparation I have ever used for Coughs
aud Colds, giving almost immediate relief.
B. WALKER
Gen'I Com. Merchant, 11S Light street, Bal
timore, Nd.
A married man returns home at late, or
rather, at an early hour," as the osciety papers
say, and, aided by his wife, undresses and goes
to bed. "Can do anything for you, John,
dear?" asks his patient spouse, kindly. "Nosh-
ing jush now" replies the object Of her solicit
tude, "only mind you wakshe me up minute
Pm shirshty."
Horsford's Acid Phosphate for Nervous
ness.
DIR. III. N. d. PARKER, Chicago, says: 81
have thoroughly tested it in nervous diseases,
dyspepsia and general debility, and in ever
case could see great benefit from its use."
"Mrs. Jones, / see your husband INDUCES
once in while. Was it one of his stipulations
before marriage that he shall be allowed to i'm
hibe when he wished?" ct has always been
the most literal of his Implications, madam"
Rome Sentinel.
Group, Diphtheria and Whooping Cough
get prompt relief and rapid cure by the use of
Kurakoff, the wonderful Pine remedy
Art Intelligence. She reads-''There are
upwards of fifty English painters and sculptors
now in Rome" He British Philistine---
served on late celebrated jury)-"Ah! no
wonder we couldn't get that scullery white
washedp'-London Punch.
Kurakoff, the lung healer, and great Pine
remedy contains neither opiates nor narcotics
Free samples to actual sufferers. Guppy Kins-
man & Alden, Portland, Me.
Ready, Aye Ready" officer c'Royal
Irish'')-"Why were you late in barracks last
night, private Atkins?" Private Atkins
"Train from London was very late, sir" Off
cer-"Very good. Next thine the thrain is
late, take care y come by an earlier one!''-
London Punch.
The great sale of Swedish Remedies is aston
ishing, and for enriehipg the blood, crealing
an appetite, or strengthening the whole system
nothing can surpass these remedies.
Too Much of Good Thing. Groom Ito
visitor)-" Please, sir, master wants to know
where you'd like me to meet you with fresh
'oss, sir?'' Judkins (wbo wishes he were
comfortably at home)-"Fresh horsei This
is fresh enough for me-ughi-don't want
another-ugh! Stand still, will yerI"-Lon-
don Punch.
Ayers Sarsaparilla wonderfully improves the
complexion and brings to old and young the
bloom of health. AS purifier of the blood,
it has no equal.
Nothing is so fierce but love will soften, moth
ing SO sharp-sighted in other matters but it
throws mist before the eyes ont.
The old fashioned Hop Poultice or bag is far
inferior to Hop Plaster both as a pain-killer
and strengthener. Call for it at any drug store.
Provincial. Fair customer-Have you q
Shelley Birthday Book?" Evangelical sta
tioner-"No, madam. We-a-do not patrc-
nize Shelley" London Punch.
Don't trifle with throat and lung affections
Take Hale's Honey of Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops cure in one minute.
A Pittsburg firm have brought out new
masculine hat which they have christened the
Jersey Lily" 1t wouldn't be economy to in
vest in such hat. 1t is too easily mashed
Norristown Herald.
Many who never complain are nevertheless
seriously ILL., Use Browns Iron Bitters and
there will be no cause of complaint.
The girl that blackens her eyebrows wishes
to keep her imperfections dark
A Portland lady said: ST owe my success in
cooking buildings, biscuits, doughnuts, dump
lings, cakes, &C., to Congress Yeast Powder
1t never fails and that is what I can't say of
ONE others have used"
MARRIAGES.
.