Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-11-23

Our KALEIDOSCOPE.
Eye-witnesses -oculists

hyc-WNues5eS-OCullh
Burlington woman complains that she
doesn't like to have her husband 90 to
church with her, because the color OF his
nose doesn't hsrmonize with her bonnet.
On recent windy day 500 hats blew of
OIL the Brooklyn bridge. A large number
of those who lost bets on the election went
out in small boats and obtained the means Of
paying them.
An exchange says that tho Commercial
Gdeette isprinting portraits of prize beauties.
1t is mistaken, although the mistake is a
perfectly natural one. They are the series
of prominent men Of the day"
A Lafayette, Ind, lady-a model wife and
mother-broke her husband OF the saloon
habit by walking up to the bar beside him
every time and calling for beer. Ten cents
a smile was too much for him.
Men of honorable family in the Roman
republic were forbidden to drink wine until
after the age of thirty. so that it was I'M
possible for young woman to tell, until too
late, whether her husband was going to de-
velop red nose or not.
Poor securities-weak supender.
We should think that our forefalhers who
wore the old saueer-shapeI time pieces that
wound up with an endless chain, might have
truthfully complained that time hung heavy
on their hands.
"a baby is the oasis Of married life" says
tue New York Journal. This is very pretty
indeed, but when you come to think of it
doesn't 1t cast very uncomplimsntary slur
on married life!
There are no snakes in Ireland" says q
historian. This must have been written be-
fore the days Of corn whiskey.
The average number OF rainy days in
Alaska is 245 in a yeor. What heaps OF
umbrellas must change hands there annually.
"There is glow at harvest time" says a
a sweet girl poet. You are right, darling !;
and while you are about it you might as
well sling in passing allusion to its anti doe,
the Jug under the hay cock. There is moth
ing like presenting every outline of these
delightful bucolic studies.
An Ohio man has married scmptress
with ten children. lie will have hard time
threading his way through life.
George Washington weighed two hundred
and nine pounds, And yet it does not fol-
low that all fat men cannot tell lie.
The effect of having bachelor lodging in
the White House will be seen from the fol-
lowing anccdote. An exchange says that the
roof of the portico was recently cleansed by
throwing a stream of water upon it and a
perfect shower of spiders was the result.
Their number was estimated by millions,
and when they crawled back to their homes
at night the white pillars looked as il painted
black
1t was an ancient Irish belief that human
hair should never be burned, only buried.
This will explain the hired girls propensity
for secreting her refuse locks in the family
butter tub.
| "Our fourfathers," wrote Il correspondent,
of western paper, lived very difrent from
what we do" Inasmuch as the writer hailed
| from Mormon town, the editor kindly for
gave his little photographed eccentricities
and gently consigned the manuscript to thu
waste basket,
New Workers claim to live in a whirl ant
to have time for nothing but there is NJ city
| in the land where "A crowd has more tint
to stop and investigate Il dog fight or q row
between boolblacks. -DttroH Free Press.
Up in New Hampshire they have takel
forty thousand salmon eggs from twelve
fish. If salmon could be cured OF their fool
ish fondness for the water it would not be
long ere they had driven the consequential
but unreliable hen completely out of the
market. Boston Transcript
An alumnus of McGill college, Montreal
found on his return, after few years AL
sence, that his name on the calendar OF The
college was marked with an astcrisk, as
dead" He's proving himself otherwise by
praucng around with lawyer laying plan:
aud specifications for q libel suit. -Neo forA
Commercial! Adrertiser.
whats the charge against the prisoner ?
demanded an Arkansas Judge. Murder
your honor replied the officer. What il
your defence prisoner, Tor such heinou
crime 2" your honor he was tenderfoot
and pronounced it Arkansas" II see,
case of Unsuitable homicide You are dis
charged, sir hildd lphtd Call.
A New York couple applied for a divorc,
after being married but three days. Mora
be sure your intended doesn't snore befor
calling On the parson.-Hotel AaR.