News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-10-25
TIE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK.
The old Vnt-Au Engineers LOvc-BiIi Arp
on $ounds-%pOmtuneOus COmbustiOn-A
singular Dcbauch.
4 VISIT FROM SOUNDS.

7 felt gentle dig in my side from IN
elbow and whispered voice said: 'Wl
liam. William, don't you hear that?'
'What is that ?" said I. "SomebOdyts Is
in the front piazza, said she. Don't
you hear him rocking in the rocking
chair" And sure enough L did. The
chair would rock awhile and then stop
and then rock again. "Is the gun
loaded ?" said she. "They are robbers,
but don't shoot, don't make noise;
can't YOU peep out of the window.
Mercy on us, what do they want to rob
us for? Maybe they come to steal one
of the children? Slip in the little room
and see if Carl is in his bed. Don't
stumble over a chair, maybe somebody
is under the bed" The rocker took
start again and I had another dig in my
side. at is the wind, " said l. "No, it
is not" said she. "There is no wind;
the window is up and the curtain don't
move. They are robbers, I tell you.
Hadn't you better give them some
money and tell them to go" 81 haven't
got any money" said I. cts all gone.
Lord have mercy upon US, " said she.
"William, get your gun and be ready"
I gently slipped out Of bed and tip
toed to the window and cautiously
peeped out and there was the pointer
puppy sitting straight up in my wife's
rocking chair and ever and anon he
would lean forward and backward and
put it in motion. I whispered to Mrs.
ARD to come and see the fOur-legged
robber, which she did, and in due tiHs
all was calm and serene.
Last night there was another sensa-
ton in the back piazza, and it was sure
enough feet this time, for they made a
racket on the floor and moved around
lively, and the elbow digs in my side
came thick and fast. It took me a
minute to get fairly awake, and after
language, "Goats, Carls goats" and
I gathered broom and nauled 'em
down the back steps. Il told you, my
dear" said I, "that those goats woulo
give US trouble; but I can stand it i
you can. Blu "TRIP.
A LIFELONG DEBAUcH,
ono, I'm obliged to you, I don
drink, replied Judge Gibbons, of Ian
caster. Pa, in the barron Of the Girar'
House. 81 am sixty-three years old M
have never used tobacco in any form
never have tasted malt or spirituou
LIQUORS, never have been at horse rae
or attended a circus or a theatre. "
Yours has been an exemplary III
| Judge"
..Veu, [ don't know that it has" cor
tinued the Judge, sadly. 81 am, afte
all. no better than other men; for til
past forty-eight years [ have been tn
abiect slave to one ungOvernable app'
| tite. This indulgence has gained sue
absolute control of me that L canmt
: exist four or five hours without gratlt.
| ing if. In the streets, at church, durln
| family prayers, it torments me. L stru|
ole against it. IresoIve and re-resoI7
/ TO break it off, but am weak-vel
vealz-and finally yield. [ cannot
+ half a day without it, No, 1 dare1
e travel where I can't obtain 1t. 1t
Il killing me. Twenty years ago l weigh
ooO nonnds Now I weigh 100. 1t
J. DESTROYING my life, slowly but surely.
II shall die of 1t.
- .What form does this deadly dlsSlT
o ton take :? asked the re'ol NJ IL ,'-l's,
u sion.
le ''NIush and milk, - was the solemn d
e. humiliating rejoinder.
" HIS TURN AGAIN.
- ,r,.7 -, +7,o streets dat Sam JoI
st l ne Issl,r zlo', G,' kick las night? ?"
y y sou glo you e,n rlN . fac, Tse suffer-
70 e.,.,., ~ of1ac, oh if Wit"
liolr LL,1' w ~ 1;1,,,t WOW kick him back ?"
". " ny -, ,,'('-l -
,WI-. WgS admit YER kick him back ?'
..paI,oso dar was noby dar but
80
81 don't see no sense in dat ar.
ne L oyer don't? Well, [ does. Oar
n n ino only two of us present, eft l
IL l,;"lad him backed, den hit would
as benn nv turn to be kicked agin ri
.of off - Tcras Strings.
tie n,r,, VAS rrNr1KE ANY OTHER wonIA
III ..m, ,,;oo Iodvn
-,1 ~, s,Sa soa,os to he so modest
Gu g. '4le '>\'-
5eu quiet IL I