The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-14
OF s..e amen IN. rs ,,l..se are 4s.lo perrel
tEian oprnstalks If this be true, Mrs.

| b.. then-
woman is the sinuolls pumpkin vine
/ That round the feet OF men itself doth tWine.
When a Leadville man fell in love
/ with a woman and swore he would kill
himself 8tanless she married him, the
| eentle creature bought pistol for him,
| He carried ont the promise and shot
| himself. A Leadville woman will dc
ANYTHING for man who loves her.
..Is Miss Blank at homer asked a
faultlessly attired bore of a new girl.
| The Girl took from her pocket photo
| graph, carefully scanned it, and, after
| another look at the features OF the sls-
| itor, answered, mo. sor; she has gone
| to Europe. He left.
.Ye:i,' says Mrs. Parvenu, whose
usband used to shovel gravel in Cali
| fornia-'syes. our house is furnished III
| the very latest Aunt Teck STYLE from
| top to bottom. You know my husband
| keeps up with the times, if it takes
leg.
A North Carolina woman, iifty-three
years old has bought pair of specta-
cles and is going to school 10 learn 10
read. And man ninetT-sesen years
old, at Charleston, S. c., has joined the
church. Whossays the South isn't i'm
proving?
Il can never express my love for
you,' he said in burst of emotion as
his arm frightened about her waist, and
she helped him out of the difficulty in
breath of girlish intuition by suggesting
that he could ".send it all by mail for
cents.
A religious reporter relates this: My
brethren" said clergyman, lately.
II will now pass, and before he could
proceed sleepy nearer in the front
pew suddenly started into life and cried
out, Then l make it spades and play
it alone
There is a lady in Norwich, Conn,
p years old, who has just begun to
take lessons on the piano, 1t is impos
sible to disguise ones admiration of
woman who displays such resources at
her time of life. She probably thinks
that the neighborhood is becoming too
thickly settled.
On a West India schooner which came
into New York harbor the other day
there was negro acting in the most alb
/ surd manner, and apparently suffering
from commissions. ''All well on board?o
asked the quarantine officer. ''All but
this COMPOUNDED stowaway," was the re-
ply; hes swallowed most of my car
go. +" What is your cargo" Sugar
and Jamaica rum, said the skipper
The Chinese pay their bills yearly,
instead of weekly, as is generally the
custom ia this country, among those
who pay them at all. When a bill is
presented and one is. "a little short, it
must be nice to say: "Ah, yes; | have
been a little disappointed to-day; just
step in the next year when you are pass
ing" We like the Chinese system.
The Western men don't like the way
in which the wild ducks are cooked at
Washington dinners. '.Out West, = they
saw, 1--WE cook all ducks until they are
dry; here they are bloody" The Wash |
ingten idea is older than any fashionable |
custom in this respect. 1t is derived |
from Virginia, where the good old re-
cipe was: just drag the ducks through |
the kitchen.
Col. Pat DOMAIN says that near Fargo |
there is an interesting widow, owning |
enc of the richest farms in that region, |
who, as soon as she RECEIVERS from the |
beating given her by her late husband /
with a sled-stake, will be one of the |
prizes in the matrimonial market. Pc
ter DakestrOm her husband. hanged |
himself prematurciy under they impress |
sion that lie had killed her, and if |
spirits can kick, Peters condition may |
be imagined this morning.
A man travelling on a Dakota rail |
road approached a pretty girl who oc- |
cupied fall seat, and asked her polite |
~ If he might take part of it. Seat 5 |
engaged,' she replied, pertls. ''Got |
some apples in my gripsackr' observed |
the man, scratching his chin, medita- |
lively. Seats engaged, repeated |
the girl. spreading her skirts out. Got
some nice cakes and candies. unused
the applicant, appearing to pay no at
tentien to her II tell you the seats |
engaged, she answered with sniff OF |
disdain. ''Nuts and raisins, fresh |
sandwiches, pie, all in the same grip |
sack, ;" and the man looked at her side
ways. Don't make any difference.
seats engaged, and she turned to the
window as though she was tired of the
subject. And a flask of the best
cherry wine that ever trickled down
woman's outlet, continued the
stranger. How did you know was
only fooiing about the seat being en-
gagedP" murmnred the Dakota girl,
her face breaking into a wreath OF
smiles. 1T takes man to find out
when woman is having her little
joke > And nobody on thcfrain had a
better time than the man the rest OF
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