The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-06-27
THE J0KERS' BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS TO LAUGH OVER.
SGT n Selfish NInn-The same cat-Senntor
Dnyis's Race, Etc'
A RACE.


friends, among whom was Mr.. Eyarts,
the conversation drifted TO athletic sports
and foot races. Mr.. Eyarts, with n view
20 one Of his sarcastic tests, turned 10
the great trunk alongside Of him, from
which he himself may be supposed 70
have been Whitfield Of as n silver and
suggested that such sports we're entirely
out II his line. Wei, Eyarts', replied
Judge Davis, 'pcrhap8 you think ! can't
run? Now, look here, I'll bet You case
Of wine / can beat you IN hundred
Yards il you sill lct INC choose my
ground and will give me five yards start.
I'm heavy, You know, and want solid
footing Mr. Eyarts was satisfied that
ho had dead sure thing, and as the
evening bad advanced the diguiiird com
pmy resolved 10 uubond itself still fur
thcr for the sport. Come on, then,
shouted the Senator, follow me" So
away they went, down 10 a narrow alley
that runs between Twelfth and Ihir-
tccn,h streets. Marching into il for the
distance uf five yards, while hi- arms
touchld the brckwork on each side, he
quietly observed: Now, Eyarts, get in
hehiJd me, and take your time. am
going ~ take mine!
WHY M LETT A ERTAURAST.
so You have leit our rcsiauunt?' said
one man 10 another on the Call Board
hst week, "whats the troublc?'
"Oh, got thoroughly saturated with
disgust"
"Disgistcd, Oh? What at;'
"Why you see il is night here / got
tired oi ordering corn beef and cabbage,
and hearing the waiter sing out, Red
rag with a blanket cuff buttons for
Goldfish balls, cotton bats for hot rolls,
ml brown paper for one when | order
buckwheat cakes. All this, together
with Odd Fellows for three links Of
sausage, disguised ne, and Iqnit
TR SANE CAT.
The following story ~ told Of George
BUggs, who lived IN Waicrtown, y. Y:
When hn was alog' Il years Il age, he
conceived the idea that his father was
no, treating him exactly IN the manner
be should, and Ike "a proat many other
Young non, he resolved to leave the pa
t.u.l mansion. So he went TO Cape
Vincent and shipped On schooner
iu1Hl down the ry,r. On reaching
CLAYTON, George Eas not only homcsicll.
lut also sctsick. Tie ,chounr touched
Clayton, and George, with a fare longer
'lian Nie moral law, WIS gazing Wolfe
I.lGlWarl Some o." tapped him ON
tbs shoulder; Gcorpo looked up it WAS
his father. He followed lin silently
from the loat and reached the island
Just before supper; BE- greeted his
mother with tender smile, and ns he
looked around the hoU hc saw the Zig
Maltese cat 10y the stove. Then George
found words to speak, n4d this was what
#.i.
why mother, you have the same
ro' Won had when lcf' home George
mi been away from home Just thirty
ulue hours.
A HOPELESS CAST.
\ dmer-Out, who has had more than
i.ls aaara Of wine, il carefully feeling hi,
vuy home at night, when he uuiortu
uatcly stumblcs against the circular rail
ing which surrounds 4 statue,
After having gone around IT abou
fcycu times, the hopclossucss Of his stu
alton flashes upon Inn with ylyl1ncss
aud he sinks down upon the paycmcn
outside with n departing Shrek:
"lh, scaurlrcls! They've shut m
IN hero -
HE WAS ROE SELFISH,
or the late Joseph Iasigi, the ,cncl
able Boston merchant, ~ good story /
related 10y the bingham JoUud' to tn
following effect:
One iino Sunday morning the bari
Sea- Bird, owned 10y the old firm Of lasig
~ Godiprd, was hauling into the dock
Wsl arrived from II voyage to the Med
jtcrranom, on which voyage she hn
beaten the famous clipper Race Ilor,,
Learning that she was signallcd below
the two partners met for congatulatlou
and, alfred in their Sunday clothc'
repaired TO the wharf. Everything W.
IN apple-pio order, and the bright pain
and differing rigging delighted tho tv
owners, us well NJ the crowd oi byRtan
crs who had gathered. As she Dire
near enough 20 the capsill to board, 9
It'd being low, the distance to her de
WAS too great for II jump, and Mr. lasl
seized hold Of backstay and, clcnchi
1t tightly, aid nimby to tho deck, h
10 his dismay the rigging had be-
freshly Jared, and his hands were coI
l!otcly ombalmcd. Quick as lighinir
he concealed this, and when ladd
was placed for his partncrto descend, /
stepped briskly to the foot Of it, an
pretending TO be one of the newly n
rived, graspcd the hand Of Mr. God,lar
with Good morning, Missur Goddard
J make You much ioy," of course trans
ferring large part of the black pitch /
the delicate white hand which his part
ncr had readily extended, but whc
was Indignantly withdrawn when Mr.
exclaimed, "MiBsm Goddard, | talk,
noting from dis bark l not share v
you"
KNOWING SOMETHING.
An amusing incident recently toe
place ut u trial in London. The pros
cutting counsel, Mr.. Saunders, cxamin,
the constable who had made the arrest
the prisoner, and asked "Wel, VIII
did the prisoner say?" Constable-"Al
you want TO know something" Laug
ter. Mr. Saunders yes; I want "
10 tell mo what he said" Constable
You want TO know something" Go
iinucd laughter The learned couns
appeared Disconnected, and appealed
tho Bench whether the constable ougl
not TO answer the question. Mr.. Flctcl
er--"Ccrtainly" (To the constable)
What did the prisoner sayY" Constr
be--"You want to know something.
Roars Of laughter. Up TO this tim
tho prosecuting counsel had only casual
ly referred to his brief, but suddenly hi
eye rested on the constable's evidenc
given before the magistrate, which wa
to the effect that on the prisoner bein,
given into his charge, he asked hin
what he was doing in the fowl-house
and his reply was: you want to kno,
Nnt M Ia. "