New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-11-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

ure' in society.
Many a young man who works hard
during the day allows his hands to go
to waist during the evening.
At Newport do you not associate
with the Browns?" Certainly not.
They are relatives Of my husband
eyes, she said, 81 always obey my
husband, but reckon l have some
thing to say about what his commands
shall be. boston Post.
Mamma, what is a furrier?' asked
a little girl .'One that deals in furs, =
was the reply. .'Then is currier one
that deals in curs,'' was the next ques-
ton.
A French author says: when I
lost my wife every family in town of
fered me another; but, when lost my
horse, no one offered to make him
good.'
1t was lady from the Emerald isle
who said: "Shure, an me son Pat has
been lynn fiat on his back wild the fever
these four weeks, as silent as a moke,
yellin' Water! water!' all the time.
A certain rich man says Of his wealth:
s'This is often what have often sigh
ed for, even cried for, sometimes lied
for, and nearly died for. What should
let it slide for?'
A gentleman who had just returned
from Europe was asked how he liked
the trip across the ocean. ''Not a bit.
was the reply. Il felt utterly retched
all the way over.
The difference between circus adj
vance agent and druggist seems to be
this: The first spends much Of his
time in the posting of his bills, and the
latter in boasting of his pills.
An exchange print several items I'M
der the head of .'True Fish Stories
It might happen that way. Once in a
century. But not oftener. And they
have not yet made their appearance
this century.
"What is the infnity of silence?"
asked philosopher of a married man.
Il don't know; but should think it
would be what man had to say to his
wife, when she caught him trying to
kiss the hired girl.
A young lady writes to a paper ask
| ing how she can get rid of her beau.
Did she ever try dropping a red-hot
file down the back of his neck? This
will frequently discourage young man
when all other means have failed.
A coin used among the Malays repre-
sents value equal to about the one
thousandth part of a penny. If such a
coin were introduced into this country,
many more people who attend church
l ,+,,1h To thn oIcc1n nv
| cause.
II believe said petulant wife to
| her husband, ''that every thing say to
you goes into one ear and right out of
| the other.'' eyes, dear" he replied
| pleasantly; cit doesn't take a great
while to get any thing you say through
my head.''
s.It is something can understand, .
said Mrs. Wigglesworth, laying down
the paper, .Why every Frenchman's
first name begins with an NJ. Here S
M. Ferry and M. Wilson and M. Grevy,
! and dozen more. Must bother the
postmaster terribly
Greenland has no cats. Imagine
cats in country where the nights are
six months long. A scientist says that
cats born 1890 feet above the sea are
deaf The altitude at which they arc
born dumb is what the people would
generally like to know.
When watermelons make a man sick
| he goes to the doctor. Not SO with the
newspaper. When the paper makes
him sick he goes to the courts. There
is one similarity, however, in the two
cases. Recovery is doubtful in both
instsnces.-Cayl Pretzeps Weekly.
20, Granh;e, Grannie!' exclaimed g
Brooklyn boy, glancing up from the
paper which he was reading 'Jays
has been visited by q shower OF fire.
"Dear me-" returned the old lady, not
! exactly catching the full import Of the
j communication, ''dear me, you DOM
I ell me SO? Well, l thought the coffee
this morning tasted q little burnt"
The craze on electrical study is be-
ginning to bear fruit. care you the
conductor?' asked lad of q omnibus
guard. Il am,' replied the courteous
official. "What is your namep'' .'My
name is Wood ooh, that can't be, .
said the boy, ''for wood is non-con-
ductor.
Chow old would you think my daugh-
ter was" asked mother of lady
friend at one of of our summer resorts;
"would you think she was 1922 80,
yes" was the candid reply, Il should
think she was 18-about ten years
ago." They "never speak as they pass
by now.
''Does a goose lay eggs?' inquired
Rollo, one brisk morning in breezy
March. And Rollo's father. sitting be.
hind the stove, eating quinine with 8
spoon, and trying to shake his whole
skeleton out of his pockets, made re-
ply: eyes, my son, ague Stays every
thing. 1t has slain your father
A painter was Dragging of his won
derful command of color to friend one
day. His friend did not seem to take
it quite all in. ''Why," exclaimed thu
painter, ''do you know there are bu
three painters in the world, sir, wht
understand color!'' ''And who arr
they?" at last asked the friend. 'sWhy
sir, am one, and-and- I forge
the names of the other two!'
! The Earl of Shaftesbury tells al
amusing story. He says that in hi;
part of the country Oorsetshire) tn,
people have Il strong prediction fo7
giving Hebrew names to their children
by baptism. Sometimes, however, the,
go little too far. In the churchyar(
Of his own parish there is a tombstone
on which the words were engraved
"Mcthuselah Coney died, aged twelve
months"
4 Heavy tragedian, seated at a railwa,
hotel before aroast chicken: 'sPrithee
landlord, dwells there within the pre-
cincts of this hamlet machinist?'
Landlords: ga machinist? Yes, sir
\ Tragedian: '.Then take to him thi
bird of many springs. Bid him wrench
assunder these iron limbs, and then