Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
SQUIBS.

Village -Haint done
gone tole yo', Eph, dat it's wicket to
cotch fiss on de Lod's day?
Ephraim who hasn't had bite all
day)-Who's cotchin' fss2 Yo' cawn't
'cWse me.
Mr. White" said a Harrisburg
lawyer to a witness in the box, at
the time these papers were executed
you were specializing, were you nOt:''
Yes, sir"
You were in oil?o
Il waS.n
And what are you in now"
Bankruptcy and the poor-hause'
was the solemn reply.
Mr.. Stebbins put a bee-hive-one of
the old fashioned kind-out inihis mel
on-patch, and the gentleman who
visited the spot in the moonlight
thought he had got hold of the BIG
gest watermelon on earth, till he had
lugged 1t about four rods. Then he
began to doubt about its being q mel
on, and in one second concluded that
it wasn't and dropped it right there.
He didn't pause to look for a melon.
either.
The old gentleman met him at the
door, almost before Hernandez's hand
had left the bell-knob, and with one
cOurtly gesture of his paternal hand
waved the young man in the general
direction of the front gate. Hernandez
Obeyed, with infinite tact and courtesy.
remarking, as he moseyed down the
deserted street, that he knew the
signal-seryice had predicted a cool
wave from the northwest, but he
had no idea it would get along so
soon.
A scheme is reported to be on foot
in the CHILEAN army, having for its
object the conquest of the Sandwich
Islands. Several hundred American
and European adventures are said to
be organized for that purpose. King
kalakaua is very unpopular among
his foreign-born subjects, who pay
most of his taxes, and his little army
of four or five hundred men is not
worth speaking Of 1t would be a
trivial exploit to dethrone him.
When the Union troops entered Is
land No. 10, after the rebel surrender,
they found a dilapidatcd old grave
yard with one newly-made grave. At
its head was a pine board, on which
was rudely cut with a jack-knife the
following inscription:
Brave Southern friend who fell
A-tightin' at Island number ten,
NOurn were glOruS end.
Sweet spirit rest in HeVen
There be no Yankees thar
There is great activity in the En-
glish navy-yards. Russia is preparing
the railways which run to her Ger
man frontier for the movement of
troops, Turkey is troubled about Bull
garia, the rulers Of France seem to
have lost their heads, Spain is almost
ready to get rid Of Alfonso, Austro-
Hungary is watching Russia, the
mighty German army is ready to move
on short notice, and altogether the
outlook for continued peace in Europe
is not encouraging.
The man who was observed with
Scent stamp on his left ear, endeavOr-
ing to climb into a letter-box, and
clamOring for them to flesh on their
posh ptfices Gosh he was so drunk he
couldn't 90 to them, is believed to
hold the theory that the office should
seek the man, and not the man the
office.
Scene at the base ball grounds: A
ball was knocked sidewise and caught
out ON fly.
Foul and out, was the cry of the
umpire.
A charming high-school girl, look
mo- of tbp Ccamo aIacII latpC.
'Ah, really, how can it be fowl?
I don't see any feathers"
And she turned to her attendant
it'll an inquiring look.
well, oh! Yes, you see, the reason
you don't see any feathers is because it
belongs to the picked nine"