Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1883-10-26
BY THE WAY.

An Arkansas man has discovered that wa
ter will cure insanity. They have found no
other use for it in that quarter as yet.-CHi.
cdg0 HercH.
The prisoner has very smooth counte-
nance, said the judge to the sheriff, Eyes,
said the sheriff, "he was ironed just before
he was brought in
Let us play we we're married" said little
Edith, land l will bring my dolly and say,
See baby, papa" "Yes," replied Johnny,
want to look through the paper. wallpapers
Bdzar.
A Knight Templar in a San Francisco par
lor described the beauties of the eastern
coast A San Francisco man smiled con-
temptuously and said 1--WE been east my
self and don't think much of it," Where
were you?" "Why, east, in Omaha. The
east amt as big as Frisco
Prof n. A. Luce is state superintendent Of
education in Maine, and the other day
teacher told her scholars that he would visit
the school in the afternoon. One little girl
ran home and wild.eyed with excitement in
formed her mother that the superintendent
was loose and was coming to the school that
afternoon.
The cheapest and simplest gymnasium in
the world-one that will exercise every bone
and muscle in the body-is a fiat piece of
steel, notched on one side fitted tightly into
wooden frame, and after being creased on
both sides with bacon rind, rubbed into a
stick of wood laid lengthwise on sawbuck.
A young couple in their honeymoon are
dallying lsnguidly with the grapes at the des-
sert She (archly) y)-"And you don't find it
tiresome, dear, all alone with me- You are
quite, quite sure that you don't wish to go
back to your bachelor life again ?" He (earn-
estly) )-"Quite, my darling indeed, married
life is so awfully jolly, that, you know, if you
were to die to might I'd get married again to-
morrow. "-NeJo Orleans Item.
The Rev. Newman Hall is universally
known in England as the author of the tract
Come to Jesus" Some time ago, it is re-
lated, he wrote reply to some of his critics,
and having a good deal of 'the old man
Adam" in his natural makeup, used some
pretty stinging language therein. Before
publishing it he read it to his friend, the late
DR.. Binney, and then said: 'Now, Doctor,
I'm going to print it in tract form, and l
want you to suggest name for it." "Wel,
said the other, while you were reading some
of those hard hits at your enemies, it occur
red to me that you ought to call it Go TO the
Devil by the author of Come to Jesus "
Mr. Hall saw the point, and didn't publish
the tract at all.
A little Irish romance happily eliminated
on tie gang-plank of the steamer City of
Rome Saturday. 1t appears that Fanny
| O'Rourke, an heiress, had poor lover, and
| her father promised to disnherit her if she
did not marry a wealthy suitor. Meantime an
uncle left Fanny $25, 900 when she should
come of age, and Fanny sent her lover to
America to wait for the two years to pass.
He has since lived at Paterson, n. ]. The
-, .e / l,
| father cabled to detectives in New York to in
tercept her, but, while the officers we're watch
ing the steerage arrivals, Fanny O'Rourke
walked down from the main deck aud was
driven off by her John in a cab and so got
safely to Paterson.
An ex Confederate surgeon relates in The
! Cleveland Leader that once during the war,
while terrible thunder storm was raging,
"Stonewall" Jackson ordered General Ma
hone to take his men and charge the Union
forces. Then, tired out, Jackson lay down
under tree and fell asleep Soon he was
aroused by one of Mahone's aids, who said !:
General, am sent by General Malone for
orders. He says the rain has wet the ammu-
milton of his troops, and wants to know
whether he shall return" Replied jackson :
"Ask General Malone if the same rain which
| God sends to wet his ammunition will not al
so wet that of the enemy. Tell him to charge
them with cold steel" Malone made the
charge
An English vicar, who holds living in St.
| Paul's church. South London, is very indg-
nant at the wastefulness of a wealthy miller
who on becoming a Salvation Army man and
donning the blue ribbon, destroyed all the
wines in his cellar, including about 80 bot
ties of fine old port. In a letter to blue
ribboned friend he says II could have told
you of a parish of 5000 poor where several
invalids are languishng, to whom couple of
glasses of such wine daily would mean life,
and in some cases a mothers life. As for
yourself leave you to your ecstatic dream
but, if there should be any more wealthy
millers' or others, anxious to relieve them
selves of few dozen, or even few bottles,
of fine old port or other wine, l shall be
thankfully happy to receive the same for my
many sick poor and, if its medicinal admin
stration be a sin, am quite prepared to be 9
sinner"
Mr.. Kimball, vice president of the Rocl
Island railroad, happened to be riding in the
cars behind two section hands. The conduc
tor came in and collected fare from one o.
the men, the other having previously paid
Said the latter, to gag his friend: II car
travel on this road when l want to and never
pay cent" "Hows that? ?" said the other.
TITS secret" said the first. Mr.. Kimbal
pricked up his ears, and thought he had
good. sized "hen on" The Paddy who las
paid his fare got off at a way-station, ant
Mr.. Kimball slipped into the vacated seat
"Have a smoke 2" he said to the remaining
Irishman. "How do you manage to trave
without paying? l do a deal myself, AM
would like to know" "Would yez loike t
know ?" said Pat looking cunning. ''Indee'
| would and I'll give $40 if you'll tell me.
,No." "Fifteen." "No" '"rwenty- five
"Done," said the section hand, and the cas-
was forked over. "Be jabbers, l walk !
This same Pat is section foreman on the Roc
Island road, near Davenport
"Are you sure this is gentle horse
asked a man of colored gentleman, fror
whom he wished TO purchase a buggy horse
"Gentlest boss in dis town. child Ike
dribe him. My wife is q mighty skeer
oman, but she amt afeerd OBJ dis hoss.
o 'Sorry to hear it," said the white man. .
Is gentleman who is running against me for o
10 foe gave me money to buy horse for hin
o don't want you 10 say anything about 1t, bl
J, want TO get horse that will run away wit
{. him and kill him." "Den dis is de hoss, sal
10 Tore spess wagin all ter pieces day afol
le yestidy an killed Guild gentleman. Je
g suit yer, sab, fur he will kill de unfortuna
m white man lessen week" 'You trihin
's liar, | wanted the horse for my wife, al
N merely tested your honesty. / don't wa
b, him." ''Who's triAin liar p ''You are
ID 81 amt no wuss den yerse'f, boss case ye
nt ! satf toIa q lia les tar gee ef I'd tell on