Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-07-06
" ASH DAY.
~ao"pendyke brings friend Homs to
Dinner and finds his Wife lHprepared
to Entertain his Guest

Day. NY uedT. WnlSpQTeu MI.
Spoopendyke, closing the door care
fully and approaching his wife with
a broad grin on his visage Say,
my dear, Specklewottles down stairs
in the parlor. He has come to take
dinner with us
Great gracious" exclaimed Mrs
Spoopendy ke, dropping her work and
bustling up to the glass to arrange
her hair What did he come to-day
for? Don't he know it's wash -dayg"
He came for dinner" retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, turning pale around
10 lips. What dye s'pose he came
I ~ be washed? What's wash day
got to do with it? Think the man
can be soaked in tub and hung over
the clothes line with q measly wooden
pin astride the small of his back7
Well, he didn't; he came for grub,
and you want to hustle around and
get it pretty lively for him, or I'll
begin to serve up things myself be-
fore long
But, my dear" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, there's nothing in the
house. The clothes"
Then serve up the clothes"
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had
utterly forgotten the day of the week
when he invited his friend, and now
wanted his wife to get him out of
the scrape somehow and at the same
time not let him down with Speckle-
wottle. just put the clothes on
platter and set them before him! You
can explain to him that we only eat
three times week. like dog in hot
weather! That'll satisfy him, so long
as he has the clothes to eatr'
You don't imagine he would want
to eat the clothes, do you?" asked
Mrs Spoopendyke, innocently.
Just try him. yelled Mr.. Spoopen
dyke, enraged at the idea Of being
taken literally. Just try him and
sling in some of the natural grace
you always put on at the table! Mr..
Specklewottle, have some of this
fricasseed petticoat 2" and Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke held out the legs of his
trousers as a woman holds her skirts
and waltzed around the room. MIR.
Specklewottle, have a little of this
poached night shirt? Now. Mr..
Specklewottle, do try one of these
fried socks, and a slice of the pillow
sham. Dear Mr.. Specklewottle, pray
let me help you to piece of this
shirt collar and pair of stuffed cuffs!
L made them myself. and though
they are not as good as that's the
way to do IT. continued Mr. Spoopen
dyke, suddenly concluding his re-
marks with war whoop, and present
ing himself before his wife all out of
breath. Think you've got that bill
of fare all right? See your way clear
to successful dinner party now'"
There's some cold shad down
stairs, and / think there is raw ham
in the cellar" ruminated Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, regarding her husband with
a startled look of inquiry. as if asking
if he thought Specklewottle would
mind the meat being raw and the fish
trifie cold. Il don't think he has
anything home on Mondays except
cabbage and leans. Or perhaps he
may have doughnuts and pie" she
continued, hastily, seeing her hus-
band swelling with retort. "And Pm
sure doughnuts and pie are good"
That's what he wants" howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. Bring forth the
shad that froze to death in the house
OF Spoopendyke! Produce the ham
with crumpled horn that MIXED
the shad that froze to death in the
house of Spoopendyke! Develop the
measly tanquet anu let joy be I'M
confined! Amt ye got any more
sense than a bung hole? Think I'm
going to bring the aristocracy here
to fatten on dead fish and live hogs?
How long are you going to let that
man sit down stairs in a state of
starvation? Where's that roast of
beef / brought home the other day."
Il think we ate that all up the day
it came home,' sighed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. DO you mean that roast with
the queer little sticks in it?''
The same," replied Spoopendyke,
nerving himself for another ordeal
Did we eat the sticks? Am / to
understand that there is not one little
dodgaste1 stick left of all that afflu-
ent luxuriousness7 Lift the impene-
trable vail of obscurity off the Sc
cluded bower of the shrinking sticks "
he yelled, as it dawned upon him that
Specklewotile was in the parlor,
waiting to be fed, and that the social
problem was no nearer solution than
when he started "Let us unravel
the mystery that hangs like a pail
over the fate of the unhappy sticks,
that they may come forth and fructify
Specklewottle," and in the access of
his emotion Mr. Spoopendyke gasped
for breath, and, resting his hands on
his knees, looked as if he were invit-
ing his wife to little game of leap
frog.
There's some lettuce in the house,
and l bought some Strawberries to-
day, and l could cock the steak l had
saved over for breakfast" murmured
Mrs. Sroopendyke, coming out tri-
umphantly in the end, woman like.
And Twill put on my new wine color
ed satin, and we will give him nice
supper"
''Going to put that wine colored
satin on the shad or the ham?" howl
ed MIR. Spoopendyke, who had a
mans idea that dinner is not din
ner until it is roasted. Think
brought that man here at six o'clock
in the afternoon to take breakfast
Got some kind ,of notion that cold
fish. raw ham, wormy lettuce, green
strawberries and a fried cow are 60
ing to satisfy the cravings of man
who las just won bet of dinner
Oh" but here Mr. Spoopendyke
stopped short. The last revelation
was unintentional.
Was it is n bet. dear?" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, opening her eyes
in astonishment. Did you bring