The Dawson journal., 1883-05-17
The Bad Roy

came into the grocery smelling very
'horsey, and sat down on the chair
with the back gone, and looked very
tired.
"Oh. darn the baby. Everybody
asks me about the baby as though It
was mine. 1 don't pay no attention
to the darn thing, except to notice
the foolishness going on around the
house. Say ] guess that baby will
grow up to be fire engine. The
nurse coupled the baby on to a secA
tion OF rubber hose that runs down
into BOTTLE of milk and pretty soon
the milk began to get up steam and
pretty soon the milk began to disap-
pear, just like the water does when
a fire engine couples on to a
hydrant Pa calls the baby sold
Number Two. / am Number One,
and if pa had a hook and ladder
truck and a hose cart and fire
going he would imagine he was chief
engineer of the fire department.
Bnt the baby kicks on this milk wag-
on and howls like dog that's
lost. The doctor told pa the best
thing he could do was TO get a goat,
but pa said since we 'nishiated him
into the Masons with the goat he
wouldn't have goat around no how.
The doctor told pa the other kind of
A goat, | think it was Samantha
goat he said, wouldn't kick with its
head, and pa sent me up to the Po-
lack settlement to see If I couldn't
borrow milk goat few weeks. I
got woman to lend us her goat till
the baby got big enough to chew
beef, for dollar a week, and paid
dollar in advance and pa went up in
the evening to help me get the goat.
Well it was the biggest mistake you
ever did see. There was two goats
so near alike you couldn't tell which
was the goat we leased, and the 9TH
er goat was the chum of our
goat, but it belonged to a Iirsh wo-
man, We got a bed cord hltched
around the Irish goat, and that goat
didn't recognize the lease, and when
we tried to jerk it along 1t rared
right up, and made things real quick
for pa. don't know what it is
about goat that makes it get so
spunky, but that goat seemed to
have a grudge against pa from the
first. If there We're any place on pas
manly form that goat did not explore
with its head, pa don't know where
the places are. o, it lammed him,
and when laffed pa got mad. l
told him every man ought to furnish
his own goats, when he had baby,
and let go of the rope and started
off and pa said he knew how it was,
1 wanted him to gel killed. 1t
wasn't that, but I saw the Irish wo-
man that owned the goat coming
around the corner OF the house with
cistern pole. just as pa was get
ting The goat out of the gate the goat
got crossways of the gate, and, pa
yanked, and doubled the goat right
up, and I thought he had broke the
goats neck, and@the woman thought
50 too, for she jabbed pa with the
cisterq pole just below the belt and
she tried to get hold on pas hair
but he had her there. No woman
can get the advantage Of ps'that way
cause ma has tried it. Well, pa ex-
plaiAed ii to the woman, and she
woul} let pa off if he would pay her
two dollars for damages to the goat
and be paid it, and then we took the
nanny goat, and it went right along
! with us. But [ have got my opinion
of baby that will drink goat S milk.
Gosh, it is like this stuff that comes
in spoiled cocoanut. The baby
hasn't done anything but blate since
the nurse coupled if onto the goat
hydrant. l had to take all my play
things out of the basement to keep
the goat from eating them. / guess
the milk will taste Of powder and
singed hair now. The goat got to
eating some Roman candles me and
my chum had laid away in the coal
bin, and chewed them around the
furnace and powder leaked and a
coal fell odt of the furnace, on the
hearth, and you'd a died to see pa
and the hired girl and the goat.
You see pa can't milk nothing but a
milk wagon, and he got the hired
girl to milk the goat, and they were
Just hunting around the basement
for the goat, with tin cup, when
the fire works went off Well, there
was balls of green, and red and blue
fire, and spilled powder blazed up,
and the goat looked astonished and
looked on as though it was. sorry SO
much good fodder was spelling, but
when its hair began to burn, the
goat gave one snort and vent be-
tween pa and the hired girl ike ii
was shot, cut of cannon and il
knocked pa overa wash boiler into
the coal bin, and the hired girl ii
amongst the kindling wood, and she
crossed herself and repeated the cat
ekism and the goat jumping up OF
top of the brick furnace, aud the,
couldn't get it down. L heard th'
celebration and went down and tool
pa by the pants and pulled him ou
OF the coal and he said he would sur
render and plead guilty of heing tn,
biggest fool in Milwaukee. IpulleC
the kindling wood off the hired gir
and then she got mad, and said sh
would milk that goat or die. O
that girl has got sand. She used 4