davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
Almost as Wise as a Serpent.

." A great structure, my friend, a
great structure" observed a clerical
looking gentleman to a stranger who
stood in rapt contemplation of the
bridge. sit is a wonderful evil
dence of mans skill and enter
prise"
NO you don't" exclaimed the
stranger, edgipg away, and eying
the clerical gentleman from head to
foot with every symptom of dlstrust.
I" | know your camel In a minute
you will want me to go with you TO
get lottery ticket cashed, and be-
fore | know which side of the street
| want tc take to get home, you and
your pals will bunko me out of my
last hard-earned cent No, you
don't I've been there before.
But, my friend, you mistake me
entirely" replied the clergyman
mildly q i am a minister Of the
gospel!'
A genuine minister 2" demanded
the other, looking more reassured.
T" Are you giving it TO me straight ?
No taify in this? ?"
l assure you, sir, | am a clergy
man." said the clerical gentleman,
with dignity. You may believe
me, sir. What / tell you is true"
Put it here" exclaimed the
stranger, offering his hand. Put it
right here ! thought you might be
one of these bunko-steerers, and 1
twas on to you. I'm glad you are a
minister, for | have been on the lay
for long time. You steer the plant
and I'll set up the drinks, and if we
don't work that congregation of
yours out of every cent there is in
the joint, you may take me any,
where and Just JOB me out of the last
rattle without squeal out of me,
if | have to mortgage my farm,
Come on, what do you say ?" 49,
1t would be interesting to know
what the clerical gentleman wanted
to say to that proposition.-Brooklyn
/ Ed0le
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
"woodman, Spare that Tree.

In the August number of Forestry
appears an important article on the
destruction of American forests by
Mr.. William Little, of Montreal.
The constant drain made upon
American forests for white pine-a
wood that furnished three-fourths OF
the building timber in the United
States and Canada-has at last, he
saws, occasioned a scarcity which
compels economists to point to a
time in the very near future when
its total exhaustion may be predict
ed. The entire supply of white pine
now growing in the United States
does not exceed S0,000,0O0,000 feet.
The annual production of this lum-
Der is not far from 1O,0O0,OOO,OOO
feet, and the demand is rapidly in
creasing.
Fatal inroads have already been
made into the great pine forests OF
the North Atlantic region. Its wealth
has been lavished with an unsparing
hand it has been wontonly and
stupidity cut, as if its resources were
endless; what has not been sacrltic-
ed to the ak has been allowed to per-
ish by fire. The pine of New Eng
land and New York has already
disappeared. Pennsylvania is nearly
stripped of her pine, which only a
few years ago appeared inexhaustl-
bic. The Great Northwestern pine
states-Michigan, Wisconsin and
Minnesota-can show only a few
scattered remains ofthe noble forests
to which they owe their greatest
prosperity, and which not even self
Interest has saved from needless de-
struction. Canada is almost in the
same deplorable condition as the
United States as regards It's stock Of
valuable pine timber.
Notwithstanding the fences of wire,
the use of iron in building, the terra
Gotta and straw lumber, the con-
sumption of wooden lumber in
creased nearly 80 per cent. in the
ten years from 1870 TO 1880, the
former being l2,755 $4,000, and the
latter 1901, ,356,0 feet, and though
it has always been claimed that iron
and lumber keep together-cheap
lumber accompanying cheap iron
we now find iron so low that pro-
ducers claim that they are at the
lowest rung of the ladder, while lum-
/ Der has advanced in America in three
years fully 80 per cent, with every
prospect of further increase, and yet
we are informed that we are within
seven years of the time when the
supplies of white pine and spruce
(Which are, in the North, the great
stock of this indispensable material
must cease, and this is not the state
ment of interested parties, which
might be open to suspicion,
but of those specially employed by
the Government of the country to
ascertain the true condition of the
( forests.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
Ell lfPerkins on Uncle Hank.

Uncle Hank Allen was perhaps
the smoothcst and most accomplish
ed liar in Central New York. There
were other ordinary postoffice liars
in the beautiful village of Eaton, n.
Y. where / was born, but Uncle
Hank could lie like gifted metro
politan.
Every night Uncle Hanks grocery
was lined with listening citizens, all
paving the strictest attention when
ever the good old man spoke. When
Charlie Campbell or John Whitney
lied. nobody paid any attention to
them, because they were clumsy
workmen. Their lies would not hold
water like Uncle Hanks. Why, the
old mans lies were so smooth, so ar
tistic, that while listening to them
you imagined you were listening TO
Elder Cleveland's Bible stories.
One day they were all talking
about potatoe bugs in Uncle Hanks
grocery, which was sort of village
farmers club. Finally Charlie Miles
remarked casually that he thought it
was going to be a potato bug year.
Talk about it's going to be a po-
tato bug year ? exclaimed Mr.. Purdy.
Going to be? Why, they were SO
thick in my garden this morning
that | could not see the stalks. L
counted 962 strong, healthy bugs on
one hill. Twenty-eight bugs on one
stalk ? and the doctor struck the air
with his fist.
Twenty-eight bugs on one stalk,
only twenty-e -eight?' said Charley
Campbell, contemptuously. Why,
they ate up my first crop of potatoes
two weeks ago, and they are now sit
ting around the garden on trees and
fences waiting for me to plant them
over again.
Old Uncle Hank now scratched
his head thoughtfully and then re-
marked:
Gentlemen, you don't any of you
appear to know anything about the
ravenous nature of them potater
bugs. You may call me liar, but
I've had potater bugs to walk right
into my kitchen and ysnk red hot
potatoes right out of the oven. Wait
ing around the potater patch for the
Oecond cronp exclaimed old Hank.
with a sneer. Waiting! why, con-
found your eyes, / was up to the
Townsend's store the other day, and
| saw potater bugs up there looking
over Townsend's books to see who
had bought seed potatoes for next
year. l did, by gosh p
The whole grocery was still when
Uncle Hank finished. You could
have beard s. pin drop. Finally a
long. lean man from Woodlands S
Pond raised himself up near the
door. He was evidently a new
conner, and was not acquainted with
Mr.. Allen. Pointing his long finger
at Uncle Hank he said:
You are liarn
Uncle Hank looked over his glass
es at the stranger long and earnestly.
Then, holding out his hand, he in
quired with puzzled look:
when did you get acquainted
with me p
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

served for torture. Down the valley
there is no hope; up the valley is
the camp and rescue. The two lines
face each other for a moment with
out a movement.
Now. men, one volley-sling car
bines-draw sabres and charge.
A sheet of flame-a roar-a cloud
of smoke, and the six horses sprang
forward. Then there is a grand yell,
a rush by every horse and rider, and
a whirlpool begins to circle. Sabres
flash and clang-arrows whistle
revolvers pop-voices shout and
scream. and then the whirlpool ceas-
es. 1t is not three minutes since the
first carbine was fired, but the trag-
edy has ended. Every trooper Is
down and scalped, half dozen red
skins are dead or dying, a dozen
horses are struggling or staggering,
and turning the bend at a mad gall
lop is the sergeant's riderless horse.
He carries an arrow in his shoulder,
and there is blood on the saddle.
IN five minutes be will be in camp,
and the notes of the bugic viii prove
that the lost trail has been found.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
Roots for sheep.

1t is possible for Us to learn very
much from the farmers of Europe.
They are under the necessity ofmak-
ing the utmost profit that any branch
of agriculture will yield. Conse-
quently their farming operations are
reduced TO a science. Ours oughtto
be. but while we have so much land
that is practically exhaustless in
fertility we shall not bend our ener-
gies to make every foot Of land and
every animal produce to the extent
of its ability. There will also be ex-
ceptions, however. There will al
ways be farmers who will try to do
the best they can, upon the very
common-sense principle that when
two dollars can be made just as well
as one it is better TO take the two.
Such men, if they happen to be en-
gagged in sheep husbandry, will
make study Of European systems
of breeding, feeding and manage
ment. The Englishman has made
sheep raising profitable to very
high degree. He has shown us how
to improve our sheep by careful
breeding, and he can show us how
to manage them with profit. OF
course, it is not practical for US to
follow European systems of feeding
literally, but in these systems we
can find the principle Of success.
In England roots are largely fed, and
there is a question if they are not
fed to too large an extent especially
those that contain such a large
amount of water as turnips. But in
this country, as a rule, we do not
feed enough. In the work on
Feeding Animals" by Professor
Stewart, tits stated, as the result of
careful experiment, that ten pounds
of turnips with one and a half
pounds of corn will fatten a young
sheep or lamb faster than three
pounds of corn alone. The feeding
of roots in England, although we
believe it is too extensive, is the Sc
cret of successful sheep-feeding in
winter there. 1t viii be more mild
ly adopted here. Prafessor Stewart
SAYS that this will be the case unless
the silo shall preserve better green
food at less price. Well, we do
not believe the silo will ever do it.
1t could preserve better food if the
crop to be ensilaged was carefully
selected, but we cannot t,rid of our
doubts that the cost will more than
outweigh its superiority. Roots are
good enough for sheep and they are
cheap.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
OF ANOTHER AGE
Gradually Suppianted by a Better 4,
ticle, Certain Old Things are Pa.
ed Away.

Gradually Suppianted by a Better 4.
ticle, Certain Old Things are Pa.
ed Away.
In the general reception room n
the Western Union Telegraph br1i
ing. on Broadway, New York a.
exhibited the coarse. crude AM
clumsy instruments OF the infapcv-
the telegraph. They are onlvrei,.
now. More perfect machinery b,.
superseded it.
Years ago what is nov stvled n,
old fashioned porous plaster di.
some good service. There was tb.-
nothing better ofthe kind. Now Il
that is changed. Science and stu5l
have gone deeper into the science +
medicine and produced Benson.
CapCine Porous Plaster. which en-.
bodies all the excellencies thus "a
possible in an external remedy. Tn
old plasters were slOw--the Capci-.
is rapid they were uncertain-ti.
Capcine is sure. Cheaper article.
bear similar names. Be care1.
therefore, that some thrifty drugg.t
does not deceive you. In the cenut
of the genuine is cut the word CAP
CINE. Price % cents. Seaburv
Johnson, Chemists, New York.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
CONTINUED from last reet)
How Watch Cases are Made.

In buying silver watch case great care
should be taken to secure one that is solid
silver throughout. The cap of most cheap
silver cases Is made Of a composition known
as albata, which is very poor substitute
for silver, as it turns black in short time.
The backs of such cases are made much
thinner than those of an all silver case,
being robbed in order to make the cap
thicker and get in as much as possible OF
the cheap metal. Another important point
in silver case is the joints or hinges, which
should be made of gold. Those of most
cheap cases are made of silver, which is
not a suitable metal for that purpose. In
brief period it warps, bends and spreads
apart, allowing the backs to become loose
upon the case and admitting the dust and
dirt that accumulate in the pocket. The
Keystone SilverWatch Cases are only made
with silver caps and gold joints.
ST LOUIS, Mo, Feb II, lss3
Incur long and varied in handling watches,
but acknowledge and testimony that
the keystone Solid Silver Watch Gases tbs best
made to knowledge Having no soldering they re-
be they heated for soldering. and hsve more
resisting against than other
in the market. MKRMoD JAocARD JEwELRT Co.
sssI ernt stamp Eeytone wa.eh Case Factor Phiis-
dsipsia Pa Illustrated Paphlet sho.ss hss
James Bo.s' and ksystose " stsh Gases ars ssds.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
An Editorial Box.

The Office of the Milwaukee Jour-
nal is next door to an undertaker's
establishment, and there is usually
a coffin or two on the sidewalk wait
ing to be used. 1t is related that a
man came to the Journal Office to
have a fuss with the editor over
something that had been said in the
paper, and he was pretty mad when
he accosted the general business
manager, Mike Kraus. He spoke of
desiring blood, and expressed de-
sire to gallop all over the manly
frame of the editor, and offered to
chew a few reporters Mr.. Kraus
stood in the door, and pointing to the
box on the sidewalk he said: " How
would thatfi you? IT may be a lit
little small but we have larger Ones"
and calling the undertaken, who was
on the sidewalk, Kraus said:
1" Measure this man, please" The
undertaken took out a tape-line and
came forward, and the man with the
hot box, who was being measured
for a cold box, began to feel small.
Just then the editor, Neiman, came
down stairs, and Mike said " See
here, Neiman, here is man in
hurry to whip somebody, and l don't
know but you will let me have that
coffin that was made for the South
Side man who was going to come in
this afternoon to whip us. He can
wait" Neiman looked at the man
who wanted to fight and said to
Mike: " You must make one for this
man. The South Side man will be
here at A o'clock and make it a
point never to disappoint man"
/" Say" said Neiman, turning to the
man who had come for fight,
couldn't YOU get along without a
fight ill Saturday? We are a little
crowded now," and Neiman rested
his cane on the coffin box. The man
said, come to think of it, he didn't
want to fight, anyhow, but he did
think that article in the paper was
mean. "Of course" says kraus,
and the mad man walked down
street, the undertaken went in his
store and the editor and manager
winked at each other and went to
work as though nothing had hap
pened.-Pecks Sun.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
She Took the Medicine.

The doctor had loved her long and
well, but dare not mention il. 4,
length she became indispOsed and
sent for him. He could see nothing
materially wrong with her, except
little irregularity about the heart
and at length she asked:
"Well, doctor, what do YOU think
ought to be done for me"
Replied the doctor, Il don't know
of any better way than to go to The
county clerks and get a matrimoll
prescription"
What and get married-why Wl5
in the world would have me?'
81 will" replied the doctor.
"Oh, dear me, if that i the kid
of medicine you are going to gJ5
me, it won't be so bad to take aisi
all, will, it dear" replied the rapid.l
reviving young LADY U'mfsd VI
Va.,) Trepressib'e.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
What 1t Did for an oid Lady.

CosHocroN, n Y, Dec. IS, 1873.
Gents-A number of people had
been using your Bitters here. aud
with marked effect. In one case a
lady of over seventy years had been
sick for years, and for the past ten
years has not been able TO be
around half the time. About six
months ago she got so feeble she was
helpless. Her old remedies, or ply
sicians, being of no avail. | sent to
Deposit, forty-five miles away, and
got a bottle of Hop Bitters. 1t i'm
proved her so she was able to dress
herself and walk about the house.
When she had taken the second bot
tie she was able to take care of her
own room and walk out to her
neighbors, and has improved all
the time since. My wife and chill
dren also have derived great benefit
from their use.
". b. HATHAWAY,
Agt. U. S. Ex. Co.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
Hard TO Beat.


A farmer came into grocery store
the other day and exhibited to the
eyes of an admiring crowd an enor-
nous egg, about six inches long,
which he avowed to have been laid
by one of bis own hens. He had
it packed in cotton, and wouldn' I
allow anyone to handle it for fear OF
breaking the phenomenon. The
groceryman examined it with the
rest, and, intending to chaff'thecoun-
tryman, said:
"Pshawl I've got Something in
the egg line that will beat that"
IN bet you s. you haven't
said the countryman, getting excit-
ed.
Take it up replied the grocery.
man, and going behind the counter
he brought out wire egg beater
There is something in the egg line
that will beat il, | guess" said he.
reaching'ou for the stakes.
Hold on there, SAID the farm.
er ;"lets see you beat it,n and he
handed it 10 the grocer. The latter
held out his hand for it, bnt drop.
ped il in surprise on the counter
where it broke two soup plates and
a platter. twas Of solid iron, paint.
ed white.
Some folks think they're darna.
ton cute" murmured the farmer as
he pocketed the stakes and lit out
"but taint no use buckip' against
the solid facts"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
In the Pilot Hsuse

$ Yes, sir this kind
obliges a man to keep soS. = F';t
Judge. of all men in tbs io0s'
steamboat pilots and raiiro.s s'r
gineers should let LIQUOR Q aiaQ
on their GOODNESS of sight oag' que
ness of head depends The sae aa I'd.
life and property" 'A'sts q
Keeping his hand on tbsv
he said this, Mr.. A. BrocL"aeti 4
No. 29l Silver street, Chicsso ilaa @ q
OF course, some OF EN- dy;1s !, tudsl
the sober ones have the best ,,,S ro.. og,;
and the best pay. Yes. tbo bpO'iaoS
and exposure sometimes teTs Sois
but for my part, | find Parks,,o'1 "a 2; s.
ic all the invigorant | DesJ .oa.
got a bottle aboard here pow I've
20 on trip without il tAs'e
haven't any appetite, or am IL 'sl !
way out OF sorts, it sets me IN 4. 'l
Time. III drinking Men woriI - %
the Tonic, it would help EN- ,ot ls
oil. (No, that isn't a ligbt,SUis's
it's "a star low down her The ,Dl>e ~
As | was saying, the Tonic i '-''i
life bottled up. You see tho. 5'F
staff? Well, with a bottle %. :, y. "a.
ker's Tonic in the locker | car - I e.
malaria as far from me as The,
the time. My wife has used !.
three years for summer conn. g
and colic, and as an inyiga.'-'-' lag
when she's tired out from oyf,r' '@-
She says the Tonic Is 2 5.'' '''
Good-byel Don't break your -
going below"
This preparation, which has,
known as Parker's Ginger r.
will hereafter be advertised and
simply under the name of Ps,g.-
Tonic. As unprincipled dealer.
constantly deceiving their cus,o,,
by substituting inferior article.
der the name of ginger, and a.
ger is really an unimportant h..
dent, We drop the misle,f.,
word.
There IS no change, hOusver IN.
preparation ltseLf, and all bot,s,.
manning ip the hands Of de-
wrapped under the name Of Pa,E..
Ginger Tonic, contain the gerr..
medicine if the fac-simile signa,Brs :
HiscOck & Co., is at the bottor /.
the outside wrapper. sen;
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
Summer Treatments of Grass Lands

We have not a just conception Of
the value of our grasses, nor of the
possibility of procuring the full value
from them. Our system is not a
dapted to this. We seed to grass for
the purpose ofdestroying it very soon
while meadow should improve in
value yearly for a century If it is
properly managed. Some think our
climate is not suitable for grass.
The magnificent blue grass pastures
Of Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio and
West Virginia., and the great wes-
tern prairies which have borne their
perennial verdure for ages, contra
dict this belief five grow the right
kind of grass we may have perma-
nent meadows and pastures and if
we treat them in a juditious manner
these may be kept IN good condition
always. There are a great vari-
ETY. of grasses. The former, of course
liye but one year, and the roots die.
OF this kind are those late summer
grasses which We are apt to call
weeds: the second are longer lived,
but soon fail and gradually die from
exhaustion of the root. Ofthis kind
is timothy, the best grass to grow
with a BIENNIAL plant like clover IN
tation, but very poor one for a
meadow or pasture. The long per-
ennial grasses are orchard grass,
meadow fence, tall fescue, foul mead
ow grass, red top, Kentucky blue
grass, meadow oat grass, yellow oat
grass. perennial rye grass and some
others which are not less noteworthy
and useful. All these grasses have
fibrous roots, or running roots, stocks
which spread and cover the ground
with dense mat or sod. Our ob-
ject should beto procure and preserve
a sod of this kind, and encourage its
growth, both in pasture and mead
ows, by careful, skillful treatment.
This should consist of occasional
top dressing with fine manure, or
such fertilizers as plaster super-phos-
phate of lime, bone dust, Peruvian
guano, wood ashes, or potash salts,
with a mixture of soda. Three or
four dollars per acre thus spent every
second or third.year will be liberal
ly repaid by the more productive
condition af the meadow. Fresh
seed will be required occasionally in
spots where the adverse season may
have caused injury, and with such
nursing and feeding as this, grass
may be kept in permanently good
condition, for no one as yet has lear
ned how long, bat it has been so
kept for hundreds ofyears. ogst
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

In olden times Roman Senator
used to shut himself up for three
days after eating onions. The great
men of to-day walks out of the house
and begins to argue with the first
man he meets.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

Because all legal ad-
vertising appears in its
columns, andpeople are
thus kept posted as to
what transpires in the
management of the af-
fairs of the Courts and
County.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12
Because it is always
reliable politically, and
SAYS what it means and
means what it says.
Because it's Court re-
ports are always full,
fair and trustworthy.

Because it is the me-
dunn used by the peo-
pie of the county when
they wish to let their
neighbOrs know when
they have a farm or
anything else for sale.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

The superstitious Sakhalavas of
Madagascar, doom every child born
on Friday to death. They are car
ried to the nearest wood, laid in a
shallow hole and leftto die from ex-
posure. Twins, too, are killed, and
every infant whose birth has caused
the death OF its mother is destroyed
because, according to the law of the
Sakhalavas, it is a murderer. And
when child is born at midnight it
is cstuomery to place it next day
upon a path by which oxen go to
water, If the beasts do not touch
it on their way, the infants life is
saved; but if a hoof or a hair br ush-
es it, no matter how lightly, the
child is slain.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

Mamma" said little Austin
boy, 81 would like to live in Date
What a silly child you are; where
is Date ?" Il do not know, but the
paper says that two thousand crates
of peaches have been shipped to
date
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

Parties desiring books bound can obtain prices
by dropping me a card Arrangements have been
made whereby express one way will be paid on
all large orders All needed Information can be
obtained at Somerset HERALD office.
nOvl5.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

A young bride on being asked 5,,
her husband turned out. replied h,
he turned out very late in the Nor
ing and turned in very late atpi,..
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-09-12

A man who invests money in the
glue business is very apt to get stuck.