The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1883-01-28
HIS PA pIssFcTEp.

understand your pa has got to drinkin
again like nsh, ~ says the grocery man to the ba
boy as tho youth came In tho grocery and took
| handful OF dried apples. The boy ate Il dried appl
and then made up terrible face, and the grocer
| The boy caught his breath and then said,
! say, don't you know any better than TO kec
dried apples whore boy got hold Of them when h
has got the mumpsq You will XIII some hoy vet b
| such dun corelessness thought these woro sweo
dried apples, but they are sour as boarding. hous
i Keeper, and they mako me tired. Didn't you eve
! nave the mumpsY Gosh, but don't II hurt though
| You have got to bc darn careful whom you have tn
mutnpsl aud not go out bob-sleddlng, or skating,
You VIII have your neck swell up blggern milk pail
| ia says Ito had the mumps once when no was q bo
| aud II broke him all up.''
| well, never mind the mumps, how about your pi
spreeng w Try one OF those plckesin the jar there
| WON'T you always like to have boy onOy hImscl
| when he comes to SEQ me,'i said tho grocery man
wnking 10 man who was nlling an old-fashiOned I'll
| box With tobacco out Of the pail who winked back a
much as to say 'it that boy eats pickle on top o
| them mumps we VIII have circus, sure.N
| lyon can't play no pickle ON me, not when ! hav,
the mumps. Ma passed the pickles to me this morn.
| Jug ana loon ono n0uthtnl, and like to had th,
| locRlaw. But ma didn't do II on purpose, guess.
| She never had any mumps aud didn't know how dis.
couragng aplcke Is Darn II didn't feel as though
had been struck In the butt OF the ear with brick.
! But about pa. lie has been fuller'n goose evei
| since New Years bay. I think IT'S wrong foi
women to tempt feeble minded persons with iduor on
New Years. Now me and my chum, we eau take q
drink aud then let II alone. We have got BRAIN aud
Know when we have got enough but pa, when he
he can't keep his stummck inside OF hlssolf II Is
getting so they look to me to brace pa up every time
he gets on tear, and guess fixed him this time SO
he VIII never touch liquor again scared him so his
bald head turned gray In q Single night.
what under heavens name have you done TO him
now ~ says the grOceryman, In establishment 81
hope YOU haven't done anything you will regret In
after years.
''Iiegret nothing said the boy, as no turned the
lid Of the cheese-boN back and took the knife and
sliced Oft piece OF cheese and took few crackers
out OF barrel, and sat down soap box by the
stove. 90 You see ma was annoyed to death with pa.
lie would come home full, when she had company
and lay down on the sofa and snore, and he would
smell IKE distiery. 1t hurt me TO see ma cry, aud
told her would break pa OF drinking II she would
lot me. and she said II | would promise not to hurt
patio go ahead, aud promised not to, Then got
my chum aud another boy, quite q big boy to help,
aud pa Is all right We went down the place where
they sell arms aud legs to folks who have served In
the Army ora saw mill, or thrashlng machine
and lost their limbs, aud we borrowed some arms aud
legs, aud hxed up dssectlng. room. We fixed a
long table In the basement. big enough to lay pa ont
on, You know, and then we got false whlsk ers and
mustaehes. and when pa came In the house drunk
and laid down on the sofa and got to sleep took
him and laid him out on the table, and took some
trunk straps and slrcngle and strapped him down
to the table, lie slept right along all through It, and
we had another table with tho false ana legs on,
and we rolled up sleeves, and smoked pipes, lust
like read that medical students do when they cut up
a man. Well, you'd dlde to see pa look at
us when len, he ;,on woke up; saw him open his
cutting up dead men. We put hickory nuts In
our mouths so our voices would sound different, so no
about what time we had cutting up tho last man we
bought. said he was awful tough, and when we
had got his legs of and had taken out his brain his
friends come to the dlssectns room and claimed the
body, aud we had to give 1t up but saved tho legs
looked at pa on the table and he began TO turn pale
and he squrmed around to get up, hut found he was
fast had pulled his shirt up under his arms while
he was asleep, and rs he began to move ! took an
iccle and la the dim light OF the candles, that We're
sitting Oh the table In beer bottles drew the Icice
across pas stummick and said to my chum Doc
! guess we better cut open this old du1cr and II
he died from Inflammation Of the stommck from hard
drinking AS the coroner said he did, IA shuddered
all over when he felt the clce going over his bare
stummick, and he said, For Gods sake, gentlemen
what does this mean. | am not dead.' The other
boys looked at pa In establishment, and said Well
bought you for dead, aud the coroner's Jury said
you dead, and by the eternal we ain going To
be fooled out of II corpse when we buy one, are we
DoGY My chum said not II he knowed hssef, and
the other students said, 'of course he Is dead.
before yesterday, fell dead on the street,
and his folks said he had been u nuisance and
the morgue.' Then drew the iclcle across him
again, and said, Il don't know about this Doctor
hnd that blood follows the scaipe as cut through
the cuticle. Hand me the blood sponge please. Pa
began to wigge around, and we looked at him, and
my chum raised his eyeld and looked solemn and M
said, Hold on, gentlemen. Don't cut Into me any
more, and l can explain this matter. This is ali a
mistake. was only drunk We went In corner
and whispered, and pa kept talking all the time lilo
send and get witnesses to prove that he not dead
but that he was respectable citizen, and had a
family. After we had held a consultation | went to
pa and told him that what he said about being alive
might possibly he true, though had our doubts
We had found such cases before In practice East
where seemed to bo alive but II was only tempo
rary. Before had got them cut up they were dead
enough for all practical purposes. Then laid the
iciee across pas abdomen, and went on to
tell him that even II he iOds alive II would
be better for him to play that he was dead,
because he was such nuisance to his
family that they did not want him, and was telling
him that had heard that In his lifetime that he was
very cruel to his boy bright little fellow who was
at the head of his class In Sunday school, and pet
wherever lie was KNOWN when pa Interrupted me-
and said, Doctor, please take that carving knife of
my stomach, for 1t makes me nervous. As for that
boy OF mine he is the condemndst little whep I'm ths
town. and he Ism no pet anywhere. Now, you let
up this dlssectln' business, and Will make IL ali
right with yOu?' Weheld another consultation and
then told pa that we did not feel that IL was doing
Justice to society give up the body of n notorious
after we had paid twenty dollars for the
and try and lead different life 1t would be different
and said TO the boys, " Gentlemen, we must do our
duty. Doc, you dlsmemDer that leg, and will at.
tend to- the stomach and the upper part of the body
He will be dead before are done with him Wa
must remember that society has some claims on us,
and not let better be worked upon by the
post norton promises OF dead drunkari T6en i |
took my icice and began fulnbling around |
the abdomen ;. portion Of pas remains and
began to saw his legs of, while the other boy |
took hold of the leg and said he would catch 1t when
said he wanted to make one more appeal to us, and
we acted sort of inpatient but let up hear what
he mad to say. lie said II we would turn him loose
he would give MS ten dollars more than we paid for
his body. and that he would never drink another |
lrop as long as he lived. Then we whispered SEINE |
more and then told him we thought fayoraly of his
last proposition, but he must swear with his hand |
IN the leg of corpse we were then dissecng that |
ne wonld never drink again, and then he must he |
Jlindf0lded and be conducted several blocks from the
iissectlng- room, before We would turn him loose. |
lie said that was all right and so We blindfolded |
hin, and made him take bloody oath, with his hand
IN piece OF ice that We told him was u piece |
u another corpse, and then we took him out of |
he house and walked him around the block four |
lines, and left him corner, after he had promised
o send the money to an addr0ssthat gave him. We |
old him to stand still five minutes after We left him.
hen remove the blindfold and go home. We watched |
lin from behind board fence, and he took off the
looked at the name on a street lamp
md found he was not far from home. He started of
aging: "Ihat' s pretty narrow escape old man /
70 more whisky for you.h ! did not see him again |
Until this morning, and when asked him where he |
vas last night lie shuddered and said; None your |
arn business. But never drink any more, you re-
member that Ma was tckled, aud she told me |
vas worth my weight In gold. Well. good day. /
That cheese is musty.'' And the boy went and |