South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-06-22
WIZ ANp HfUMO&

9 oh desrr sighed Mrs. Z, xi,h a
too,hache, why cant people b. born
without tcetby' If you wilt reflect ..
moment. my dear replied Mr.. T., 'you
will be convinced that such is the fact. >
burlington Free Press.
Are you any relation 10 my sister,
asked little Tommy. lie blushcd and
STAN mered until the young lady, taking
pity on hiL,, solved the matter by say
ing: NO, but he'd like 10 be, wouldn't
you Alfred?'
Il hate TO think OF you as a dead
beat, observed u creditor the 9th er
day after vainly dunning citizen who
owed him a small bill. oh, rs TO that,
don't hesitate a moment sir! was the
reply. If you only knew what / tho't
ofyou, you wouldn't have the least hes.
i.aiion in letting yourself looso!'
a very small boy, the first time he
saw grasshopper, came into the house
and said there was hop -dropper' out
there. lie was asked why he called i,
'Lop-dropper.'
'Iause it hopped up and dropped
right down. he sad.
Mamma said Q little Sunday school
scholar, do We al! 90 10 Abrakam's
bosom when we die, if We are real good?'
Yes, my Child so we are taught All
e OIL us mamma; all the little boys and
the little girls, and tho grown .up PEG.
pie too? Yes MY darling everybody
My eye mamma, what a big hotel sort of
a bosom Abraham must have. rnuan't hep
BAD MEDicIHE.--A young physician
who had for long worahipod at dis
lance was one day suddenly called 10
attend her. lie found her suffering
from no particular dangerous maiady,
but she wanted him to prescribe for her
nevertheless SO he took her land and
said. impressivcly:
Well / shoull--prescribe should
prescribe that-you-get-m married
oh goodness = said the interesting
invalid, who would marry me, won
def9'
4 would snapped the doctor with
all the voracity Of a six-foot pickeIcl.
you exclaimed the maiden.
Yes
We'll doctor, IL that is tue fearful al.
Tentative. you can go away and let nc
die in peace
He WAS THE WEoNa MAS.-Seycral
weeks ago, by special act OF The lasia.
laturc, the governor offered q re ward OF
5000 for an Arkansas man who is not
judge. colonel, major or captain. The
next day plain. unassuming man call.
cd upon the governor and su;l:
81 have the honor sir, TO claim the
reward you offered for man who is
neither ajadoc, colonel, major nor cap
tain. l am neither Of those.'
Il am glad to meet you sir said the
governor. Jast sit down moment
until | attend TO little matter Of bus.
mess
The man took a seat and tue gov
crnor went into an adjoining room, and
after Il moment called:
Colonel
Yes sir, said the gentleman rising.
That's all right, remarked tho gov
eruor. Il see you are CllJnel. por-
tor. plcSso show the military gentle
man TO the door aui admit the next
man. A,hdHSap Yrar,icr.
How WIBsTEK PAID Ur.-The late
james L. Fields used TO relate in tho
most graphic manner the particulare of
his fist interview with the godike Dan
icl. Mr.. Fields VAS then lad fresh
from the country, serving rs junior
clerk III tho bookstore OF which lac az
tcrwarj became the head. Being the
junior clerk, ho vas dispatched upon the
most difficult and hopeless orraud which
the business Of the store afforded -
namely, to collect q long standing sui
eve: growing b,ll from Daniel Webster
Every one else IN tho store hal tried --
and failed IL was nor The ,arn o. the
new ham. lie wsut into Mr.. web
sLcr's oli,e, na 10 ais most graceful