The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-12-18

a Girl in Warren and one in Cory. and
another in Meadeville. may be said to
be already conducting Circuit Court.
Oil CHy Derrick.
I'VE have struck smoother road.
haven't we?n asked a passenger OF
conductor on an Arkansas railroad.
NO" replied the conductor, I'VE have
only run off the track. '-Ark. IFdretier.
My son, said old Precept, don
take to writing poetry. When | was
Young, like YOU, was smitten with a
beautiful creature, and wrote her a
poem. never saw her again. Boston
Times
1t is stated that Northern travelling
men are becoming numerous in the
South, and merchants are receiving
many fattering attentions. flatter-
ing attentions is real nice name for
invitations to drink. Boston Post.
A Buffalo man has gone insane from
irving to realize the ''awfulness of
space" 1t was probably the distance
between home and the saloon which
got most of his nickels that bothered
him the worst.
Samson, the strong party was the
first man to advertise. He took two
solid columns to demonstrate his
strength, and several thousand persons
.'tumbled' to his scheme And he
brought down the house, -Pitts5,.rg
Telegraph.
A French Marquis was riding out one
day, when he passed an old priest trot-
ting along contentedly on a quiet dom
kew. 'Ha, hal exclaimed the mar
quis, chow goeth the ass, good father?'
ION horseback, my son, on horseback"
replied the priest.
II hey alters noticed, observes Aunt
Tabetha, that the boy who lets his
mother bring in all the kindlin wood
and build the kitchen fire, is the
mourner who bellers loudest at her fu-
neral" And then she added thought
fully, "Mnhbo as not it is because he
misses her the most"
A couple of pickpockets followed
gentleman for some blocks, with view
Of av.iling themselves of the first OPP
portanity to relieve him Of his purse.
He suddenly turned into lawyers Of
fee. What shall we do now?' asked
one wait for the lawyer" said the
other
Out in Manitoba couple Of leading
citizens had a race on foot about which
there was considerable betting and ex-
element The local paper, in its head
ing, "A Foot Race" got in an "l' in
stead of st" This did not suit the
competitors to at Such an insinu-
alton was not -egant
A certain young man went to call on
a Young lady Chipley, and seeing her
cross the hall in Mother Hubbard he
supposed by her appearance that he
had called too early, and sat down out
side and waited patiently until his rival
came and was smilingly received. He
says it is hard, if it is fair. Atlanta
| Constitution.
A certain country clergyman used to
tell good story of his going to new
| parish and asking a parishioner, what
his occupation was. Il am the village
rat-catcher,h the man replied, land
what are you?n The clergyman an
swered that he was the village parsOn,
whereupon the rat-catcher was good
enough to observe that he supposed
Eve must all get living somehow. "
Pail Mall Gdzette
The human body weighs about a
pound in the water, and small piece
of board or box will keep a person
afoat by merely placing finger upon
it. If women would use shavings fol-
dress and corset Innings it would be al
most impossible for them to drown
while men who cannot swim could es
cape death by simply carrying few
old wooden pill boxes in their coat-tai
pockets. -Lonergan'S Lecity.
There is sound reason why there
are bones in our meat and stones in oul
land. A world where everything was
easy would be nursery for babies
but not at all a fit place for men. Gel
cry is not sweet until 1t has felt frost
and men do not come to their perfec
ton till disappointment has dropped 9
half hundred weight or two on theil
toes. Who would know good horses il
there were no heavy loads?
"Oh, yes" said the eldest Miss Cul
ture at table dhote the other evening
81 breakfasted yesterday with Mrs
Brainweight, and we enjoyed deli
cious epast-excellent coffee, superior
bread, and piscatorial globes done ad
mirably." WHAT asked her friend
"Piscatoral globes, v repeated the Bos
ton maiden. "And what under the SUI
are they?' II believe said Miss Cul
tire, drawing herself up stiffly, II be
lieye uncultured people call them fist
balls. "-Hotei Mail
Not long since a daughter Of the En-
erald isle entered one of our bankin,
Institutions for the purpose Of deposit
ing some money. "How old are you3'
sand the receiving teller. Il don
know sorr," was the reply. well
how old do you think you areP" De-
the one OF me knows" well, YOU ar
somewhere between 90 and so, ain
you?' Yes, sorr." There was
general litter at this response, in whic
even the dignfied bank presider
joined.
II see you are growing a mustache
George" said she as she caressed tn
lapel of his coat. "Ye-es." ba stan