Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-01-24
PLEASANTRIES.

hand nowadays to "see" the world
| Boston Com. Bulletin.
RAISING food from the plate to the
mouth is the best health lift.-Neu
York Commercial advertiser.
INDIANA has so many Presidential
candidates that few men are left to at
tend to the farm work. -Boston Post.
IT struck Colorado Springs CORES
pondent Of the Springfield Republican
as little singular that the man who de-
scribed the place as "a paradise for in
valids " was making living by burying
the invalids who died there.
In one shoe factory in Lynn are thirty
women, all Of them divorced wives. And
yet everyone Of them would consider
herself insulted should anyone insinu-
ate that she is not true TO the last
Boston Transcript.
AN Illinois court has decided that
woman's lie about her age doesn't vitiate
her insurance policy. The Judge
thought that if they expected woman
| to tell the truth on that point they de-
served to be sWindled.-Er.
AN article entitled Chow to Wash the
Baby" is going the rounds of the press.
Persons who read it will be surprised to
learn that the infant is washed with wa
ter, but is not run through q wringing
machine and hung on the line 10 dry
| NOT258toaCn Herald.
A LADY has written story called
| "My Husbands Secret" 1t is supposed
she discovered it by sneaking softly
down stairs and peeping through the
keyhole when he brought from it's hiding
place bottle labelled cough mixture"
| N OTristOeOn Herald.
OUIDA says: "Some lies are blessed
as truth" Well, ma'am, you've got
right into the facts of your case. The
| one that makes your wife believe you
were at church meeting when you
were at variety show is generally
more so.-BOStOn Post.
A LITTLE girl in Sunday school, who
| the day before had succeeded in tearing
her doll to pieces, when asked what
Adam was made of, replied, "Of dust.
"And what was Eve made of % inquired
| the encouraged teacher. ''Of sawdust,"
was the prompt response.
A SCOTCH lady, whose daughter was
married recently, was asked by an old
friend whether she might congratulate
her upon the event. Eyes, yes" she
answered; "upon the whole 1t is very
satisfactory; it is true Jennie hates her
guide man, but then there's always
something"
I'm going TO a masquerade ball this
evening, and I want an appropriate
dress, " he said to the costumer. "What
IS your business ?" Oh, I'm milk
man" "Ah! Then you'd better put on
a pair Of pumps and go disguised as
waterfall. ''-NeaO YORK ConomoerctUIA {
Uertj8er.
A LITTLE boy asked mamma the
following questions, TO which all NAM
mas" answers are not yet recorded:
q" Mamma, if a bear should swallow me
[ should die, shouldn't p" Yes.
dear" ''And should I 90 to heaven?"
"Yes, dear. "And would the bear
have to go too?"
"MY mothers awful tickle" said lit
tie Edith to Mrs. Smith, who was MAX
ing a call. When she saw you coming
up the street she said, There's that
horrid Mrs. Smith; I hope she isn't
coming here and minute after she
told you she was real glad to see you"
Boston Transcript.
HIGH classic Can you comprehend
me?" liam, perhaps little obtuse,
but you may be assured / shall get at
your meaning presently" Low classic
-"Canyou catch on" swell, perhaps
I don't drop as suddenly as some, but
you bet III tumble as quick as the aver
age. "-Ea.
Now, sir, ~ said the enterprising fur
nisher and ironmonger of Upper Ped
lngton to q gentleman who'd been buy
ing Christmas presents for his family,
| something for your mother in-law-a
nice spring mattress?" "No, no,
groaned the departing customer; ''she
lies quite easily enough as it is.
A LITTLE child IN San Francisco saw
some snow the other day for the first
time. He thought it was feathers or
pieces of paper, finally that it must be
salt or white sugar. He then gathered
some in his hand, and was surprised at
its GOODNESS. He put it away III closet
'' to keep forever and show to people"
bat before he reached the closet it was
gone, leaving him more bewildered than
ever.
THE Springfield Republican tells how
a gentleman took from his pocket after
O1nn6f pair Oh SOlltHIeS anu passed.
them to his wife. ''Humph," she said,
''prize package, I SUPPOSE" and passed
them on to her son. dollar store, eh?"
commented the youth. Papa smiled and
silently replaced the card in his pocket.
A few days later mamma said. "Where
did you get those earrings you showed
us?" "Well, man submitted them to
me at the store. They were only $3.50,
but you are such poor judge of gems
that thought it wasn't worth while TO
give them to YOU"
THERE died a few weeks ago in Tor
onto an old man known as Uncle Reube,
who for thirty years has sold his vote at
every election for 81, the average mar
ket price. Ten or twelve years ago, an
election day approached, he went TO the
man who usually bought him and said:
Mr.. Blank, [ guess [ won't sell my
vote this time" "You WON; why,
what on earth ails you, Uncle Reuhe .