The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-11-14
COMIC COMMENTS.

plagiarism" Tennyson? We have heard
of Didier but who in the Dickens is Tenny.
son ?--No1wistown Herald.
What do you think of Fielding ?" she
asked young Mr.. Tawmus. ooh, it's i'm.
portant, of course, but it won't avail any.
thing without good batting l"-Boston Post.
AS good as new: A minister once asked
a condemned criminal in Paris jail, What
kind Of conscience have your cts as
good as new" replied the prisoner, g. for I
have never used it."--Paris Paper.
Attic salt "Greeka Do underestimate
Greek ?" said a jolly German. "vell,
achoost can shmile. Wy, ven vas leedly
poy always swim in dot greek inshteadt Of
dot riffer. n--Ns,o Pork Commercial Adeen
Hssr.
Induction: /" Did you ever think what
you would do Il you had the Duke Of West
ministers income !" Village pastor: I" No
but I have sometimes wondered what The
duke would do Il be had mine. - Boston
Globe.
81 tell you," said Poots, /" there's an IN
aescribable sense of luxury in lying in bed
and ringing ones bell for his yalet.p You
got valet 2" exclaimed Poot's friend
NO." replied Poots, but I've got bell"
Anon.
A country girl wrote to her lover:
"Now, George, don't you fale to be at the
singing school tonight" George wrote
back that in the bright lexicon of youth
there's no such word as " fale."-Detroi,
Ere,y Saturday.
Extreme old age: How is you fathe,
,oming on ?" asked Colonel Percy Yerger
Of darkey he used to own before the war.
He am dead" Dead, is he 2 He must
have reached an advanced age" He did
dat, for fac. He was ibin up to de berry
day OBJ his def. - Texas SUtings.
You said you were going to vote for
me-" Indignantly exclaimed defeated can
didate, addressing Mike, the well-known
freshman. AN didn't vote fur We p
"Naw, you didn't" Well, sor, in that
evint there's only one conclusion that hin
arrive at" "And what is that ?" "Thai
! towld ye lie, sor. n--Arkansaso Trapeler.
Too old. at understand that you re.
ferred to me as pig, sir" remarked
pompous elderly.gentleman to young man
who had spoken disparagingly of him to a
third person. You have been misinfoim-
I'd, SIR" replied the young man; ~ hope
that know better than to refer to person
of your advanced age as g."-RocAester'
Post Express.
A waste of words; I'm getting dis
gusted withieverything and everybody ~
exclaimed Brown, peevishly. Wherever
Igo, there is fraud az can't say that
you do yourself an injustice" remarked
Fogg; "but where ia the need of your
being SO ingenious The utterance of q
self-eyident truth is only waste of words,
my boy, only waste of words. "-Boston
Transcript.
Don't like the bed ?" said the hotel
clerk, astonished OF the presumption of the
complaining guest; why, some of the
best people, some Of the hightonedest folks
In the United States have slept In it ~
Yes, that's just the trouble responded
the guest; 81 found last night there were
altogether too many big bugs in II for ths
comfort of common people like me- Boston
Transcript.
Chorus of excited boys" Then the light
ming struck your" Skipper, indiferently-
"Oh, yes; was leanin' agin the mainmast
when II struck it," Excited boys" Didn't
Il kill your" Skipper, more indifferently
-" Wall, no it all ran down my back"
Excited boys" And what did you do
then ?" Skipper, most indiGerently-"I
had to haul off my boots and pour the light
ming out on the deck Life.
I" So you return to your duties of teach
Ing the young idea to shoot, do you, Miss
Fitzjoy?" said Algernon. "oh, dear, yes.
The horrid brats--or at least the dear child
.en-will be so pleased to get back to school
again" Why, yes, I always thought
children enjoyed going TO school to you.
know should" Well, it's your own
fault--if you don't" It is MissjsFitzjoy's
last term Of teaching school, Hartford
Post.
When the stranger remarked that he was
from Arkansas, one Of the passengers sud
lenly turned and asked: !" You are, Ell
Maybe you are from Crittenden county 2"
~ am that" Perhaps from James
Landing?" "That's IL exactly" +" Then,
maybe, you know my brother, William
Henry Jones, from Penn Yam, this State ?"
"Stranger, put it thar !" exclaimed the
rLoraaa &rovalar az ha axtacdad III, haca
and smiled all over Bust my buttons il
didn't help hang your brother for cattle
stealing jist before I left me."- Wall
Street Netos.
An anecdote Of Davy Crockett: Years
ago, when David Crockett was member Of
Congress and had returned home at the
close Of the first session, several of his
neighbors gathered around him one day and
asked questions about Washington. What
time do they dine in the city," asked one.
"Common people, such as we have here,
dine at l. The big ones dine at 3, we Rep
resentatives at 4, the aristocracy and Semi
tors eat ct g." Well, when does the
President fodder" "Old Hickory ?" ex-
claimed the Colonel well, he don't dine
till next day."
The LATEST man You are getting 10
be the LATEST man in town, said member
of the Austin Press Club to prominent
attorney. Why don't you rustic around
and do work once in while ?" Haven't
seen the papers lately, have YOUR replied
the attorney, lazily drumming his heels on
the sidewalk Eyes; but what's in them
in regard to your case ?" "Oh, nothing
only man in San Antonio worked hard the
other day, drank q glass of ice-water and
died in fifteen minutes. can't give up my
daily ice-water, and don't propose to die
That's the long and the short of it, Texas
S.ftfngs
A----eer
Banquet Of the Lime KILN Club.
The dinner was recherche affair. The