, 1883-12-15

| uSeu 10 take some OF MS meals at
home, but he went to bed in regalia;
and from force Of habit he used to
call his wife 'Worshipful Mistress
and the children Junior Wardens,'
and Chief Tough Moguls,' and
Most Worthy BashI Bazouks,' and
other wicked and Pagan titles. The
mans children grew to regard the
entire system of secret societies Of
the United States as their father.
They had a vague idea that they
were in some close degree blood re-
latiOns of Solomon, and they told
their Sunday school teacher that
their grandfather worked on the
tower of Babel, and they always
spoke of Hiram Abiff as uncle
Hiram > and this man used to go
down and pound the boiler, and
shOld one corner Of the blanket, and
grease the pole and heat the pitch
nights when there was candidate
to be assassinated and he watered
himself into a drOpsy at Good Tenn
plar meetings, and fermented him.
self into beer vatat Druid's picnics,
and ate himself into a chronic indi-
gestion at Odd Fellows suppers, and
sat up at night with sick Grand
Army comrades, and visited Mason
ic widows and comforted Knights Of
Honor Orphans-females sixteen
years and upwards-and danced
himself into paralysis, and got his
eyes blacked at all sort of balls, and
had a good busy time Of it, and was
considered a capital fellow because
he had to write S. o. G. +. W., and
B. p. o. F., and +. o. d., after his
name every time he wrote letter
or registered at a hotel.
"Well, one day there were several
things going on all at once in our
town. There was grand cOnvOca-
tion of Knights Templar, and pub
lie installation Of Hope Lodge, No.
S,277, ]. o. o. F., and Druid picnic,
and Hibernian Benevolent Society
ball and fraternity symposium, and
a Grand Army parade and camp fire,
and special NJ. w. of the S. X. Of
A. o. U. w. Legion, 3O6, and two or
three bazaars, and a masked parade
of the T. o. MS, and a fremen's
tournament and fight, and a choral
union rehearsal, and choice meet
ing and squabble, and a base ball
match, and regatta, and crOquet
quarrel. And in an effort to attend
all Of them in full regalia the man
Overdid himself, came home all tired
out, told his wife he didn't feel very
well, and went straight to bed.
ellis family never saw the man
again for six weeks. And the days
were made busy and the nights were
made noisy by all manner Of COM
mittees wearing all manner Of badges
coming to inquire after the sick man,
and to sit up with him, and bringing
with themall manner Of comforting
things-gruel and jellies, and water
ices, and terrapin soup, and peanuts
and ice-cream, and cake and pie, and
watermelon, and tracts and fiat
TASKS, and new stories, and sand
wiches, and eggnog, and cigars and
coIundrums, and jokes on the boys,
and all sorts Of doctors, hOmeOpaths,
allopaths, water cures, Swedish
movement cures, eclCctics, and new
school, old school, regulars, guerril-
las, Inlun doctors, faith doctors,
kneaders, slappers and healers.
"And the man got well He had
to-" the fat man added, noticing the
expression of ofincredulity that settled
on the cOuntenances Of the passen-
gers "there were too many of him
to die at once. While they were
wrestling with one Of him the rest o;
him would get the bulge on him, 50
he pulled through. And when he
was quite well and all there they
had Grand Union picnic for his
benefit, to which all the societies to
which he belonged were invited.
The family naturally rejOiced at this,
and supposed they would get front
seats all the way, as they were close
ly connected with the circus. In
stead of this, however, they were
treated to surprise.
"The procession formed, with the
man himself and three eminent
brethren of vastly superior degrees
in the first carriage. Then came a
brass band; then came more car
riages containing eminent brethren
from visiting Lodges, every man
with enough initials after his name
to stock a railroad the o. l. c. U. r.
f. l.. Y, and the r. s. Il. U. V. X,
and the c. U. Il C. A. L. l.. u, and
the T. o. NJ. and the G. A. L., and
J. U. G. under the seat. Then came
a whole procession of Chaplains,
Lodge Chaplains on foot swearing at
the dust And away off, two and a
half miles away from the band, came
the family, in the middle of the
street, hOofing 1t.
"When they finally got out to the
picnic grounds, the members Of the
mans domestic household were
again pleasantly surprised, being
stopped at the gate by an outside
sentinel, who clubbed them off to
the right. There they found an in
side guard, who promptly chased
them off to the left. There they ran