The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1883-05-31
Wash.day at Spoopendyke's,
A Slim Banquet.

| @1V~A3 VAAo A~AO"AAyA N06'S'
! "say, my dear" whispered Mr.. spoop
endyke, closing the door carefully anG
approaching his wife with broad grin
on his visage. 'Say. my dear, Speck.e
wottle's down stairs in the parlor. He
has come to take dinner with us!'
"Great gracious!' exclaimed Mrs
spoopendyke, dropping her work and
busting up to the glass to arrange her
hair "What did he come to-day for
Don't he know it's wash day."
| ''He came for dinner" retorted Mr.
Spoopendyke; turning pale around the
to be washed? What's wash day got to
soaked in a tub aud hung over the
| clothes line with measley wooden pin
astride the small of his back? Well, he
didn't, he came for grub, and you want
to hustle around and get it pretty lively
for him, or I'll begin to serve up things
myself before long!"
"But, my dear" demonstrated Mrs
Spoopendyke, 'there's nothing in the
house! The clothes"
"Then serve up the clothes!" roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for.
gotten the day of the week when lie in
vited bis friend, and now wanted his
wife to get him out of the scrape some.
how, and at the same time not let him
down with Specklewottte. "Just put the
clothes on platter and set 'em before
him. You can explain to him that we
only eat three times week, like dog
in hot weather. That'll satisfy him, 50
long as he has the clothes to eat"
"You don't imagine he would want to
eat the clothes, do your" asked Mrs
Spoopendyke, innocently.
Just try him!" yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, enraged at the idea of being taken
literally. 'Just try him, and sling in
put on at the table. "Sprecklewottle, dc
try one of these fried socks, and slice
OF this pillow sham! Dear Mr.. Speckle-
wottle. pray let me help you to piece
of this shirt collar and pair of stuffed
cuffs! made them myself, and though,
they are moi as goo Il. s-"that's the way
to do it," continued Mr.. spoopendyke
suddenly concluding his remark with q
war whoop, and pre- senting himself be.
fore his wife all out OF breath. ''Think
you've got that bill of fare all right?
See your way to successful dinner par
ty now?"
"There's some cold shad down stairs,
and think there is raw ham in the
cellar" ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke,
regarding her husband with startled
look of inquiry, as flashing if 'e thought
Specklewottle would mind the meat be.
ing raw and the fish trife cold. 81
don't think he has anything home on
Monday except cabbage and beans. Or
perhaps he may have doughnuts and
pie.' she continued, hastily, seeing he,
husband swelling with retort. "And
I'm sure douehnuts and pie are good"
''That's what he wants?' howled Mr..
that iroze to death in the house ofSpoop.
endyke! Produce the ham with the
crumpled horn that MIXED the shad that
froze to death in the house of Spoopen-
dyke! Develop the measly banquet and
let Joy be unconfined! Amt We got any
more sense than bung hole? Think I'm
going to bring the aristocracy here to
fatten on dead fish and live hogs? How
long are you going to let that man sit
down stairs in state of starvation?
Where's that roast of beef I brought
home the other day7
81 think we ate that all up the day it
came 1,ome," sighed Mrs. Spookendyke.
''Do you mean that roast with the queer
little sticks in it?"
''The same," replied Mr.. Sooopen-
dyke, nelving himself for another or
deal. "Did we eat the sticks? Am !. to
understand that there is not one little
dodgasted stick left Of all that affluviant
righteousness? Lift the impenetrable
veil of obscurlty off the secluded bower
of the shrinking sticks" he yelled, as it
dawDed upon him that Spacklewottle
was in the parlor, waiting to be fed, and
that the social problem Was no nearer
solution than when he started. "I4et us
unravel the mystery that hangs like a
that they may come forth and fructify
Specklewottle," and in the excess of his
emotion Mr.. spoopendyke gasped for
breath, and resting his hands on his
knees, looked as if he we're inviting his
wife to a little game of leap-frog.
There's some lettuce in the house,
and bought some strawberries to-day
and could cook the steak had saved
over for breakfast" murmured Mrs
Spoopendyke, coming out trump hantly
in the end, womanlike. "And
will put on my new Wine-cOlOred
satin, and we will give him nice sup
per-"
"Going to put the wine-colored satir
on the shall or the sham?" howled Mr.
Spoopendvke, who had u mans idea
that a dinner is not dinner until it is
roasted. "Think l brought that man
here at six o'clock in the afternoon to
take breakfast? Got some kind no.
ton that cold fish, raw ham, wormy let
tuce, green Strawberries and fried COW
are going to satisfy the cravings ola man
| who has just won a bet of a dinner on
~ h,,< h Mr. Snnnrondvlyo ofnnnod
short, The last revelation was uai?ten-
tional.
"Was it a bet dear?" asked Mrs. Suop-
endyke, opening her EYES with astonish-
ment "Did you bring Mr.. Specklewot-
tie home here on BET? If had known
that and you had given me time, I
would have had nice supper for you.
don't suppose that he would care for q
cold mea! under the circumstances.
-ealiy think
THAT settles it." squealed Mr.. Spoop.
emo, ,Se, mad at himself for what he had
divulged, and anyrier still a. he saw that
he must explain to Speclllewottle how
he was fixed. "When you commence
to think the free list is entirely suspend
ed. Some day when catch y ou think
ing, Pm going to drive a spiggot in your
head and advertise science on tap; book
science a dime extra; free lunch from
II to L."
Aad with this prospectus Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke dashed down stairs and explained
to MIR. Specklewottle that, owing to Mrs.
Spoopendyke having severe headache,
they had better postpone the dinner or
90 to restaurant.
81 don't care," murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, drawing paper of candles
from an upper bureau drawer. II don't
care it must have been very important
thing to bet on, when cold shad warmed
over and nice beefsteak isn't good enough
to pay it. Anyway, he'll be glad of ii
for kfast, and the next time he
brings man here to dinner he'll pick
out some other day than Monday.
Though expect that Mr.. Specklewottle
will 20 home and tell his wife that he
don't have anything to eat here from one
weeks end to the other. Anyhow, she
ows me a call, and hear that the dress.
maker disappointed her all last week, SC
she won't pay much attention to what he
down to her supper of straw berries and
lettuce, while her husband took it out
with Specklewottle in fillets of beef and
yellow Cliquot.
Census Of Trees.
A curious census of the trees in Wash
ington has just been completed. It
shows there are to-day in the capital OF
the republic nearly one hurried and
twenty miles of trees, of which about
one-half are naples. The remainder in
cludes poplars, box elders, elms, lin
dens, Duttonwoods, willows and frs: OF
naples of every variety there arc 81 $50;
| 1900. < eA0. 1hox o11ors 745. elms