The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1883-06-07
Adjective Society Reporter.

mazoo Kalsominer. J. Growler, mana
ging editor to city editor--''Say, SMITH
What asinine idiot did You send over to
Jenkins last night to do up that private
.nasquerade?" ''Let me see! Why, the
lew man, DeCourcy, believe" "Send
the momental ass to my room when he
comes in; I want to see him." Half an
hour later DeCourcy arriv es from re.
porting dogdght out in the country
(the sporting editor having gone to a
smuggling MATCH, and with fear and trem'
bling approaches the inner sanctum.
"See here, Mr.. DEF orsets! want to know
what you mean by sending in copy
of that kind" The ''new man." mildly
corrected the pronunciation of his cog
nomen, and asked what was the matter
with his work. "What's the matter?
Why. Hades and Demnltionl Read it.,
man, read it! never saw anything so
horribly unfinished in all my life, Mr..
De Snorkyl Never, sir, never! p The
embryo jenkins read it carefully and
handed it back, saying, swell, Mr..
GroWler, the article seems to be all right.
1t reads pretty we'll, fatter myself"
"Pup-pup :pup'pretty we'll; nonsense!
Listen to this rot now: and the
spacious parlors were adorned with natu-
raj flowers" Now, Mr.. Recherche, that
is nice language for a journal of the Kali
sominer's standing to print now, isn't it?
You are a fine adjective-slinger, you
are! Why, you bem 1 LED ~ sn es a,,s
would know enough to say, And the
gorgeous suit Of Orientally draped par.
Tors, whose walls were one solid mass of
dazzling pIate-glass, mirrors from mar
bled wainscotting to frescoed ceiling,
were festooned from cornice to peristyle
and from bracket to architlave, these
terms never mean anything. special, but
they are stock expressions and should
always be rung in somewhere) with tee
rarest exotics ("exotics," man, "exot-
ics"-always ''exotics';) gathered at a
fabulous expense from the four corners
of the earth, and arranged in the most
skillful and attractive manner known
to the florists art" CHOW, don't you
see how very consumptive flowers
sound, when compared with the rich,
rolling tex-ot-ics?' De Courcy faltered
forth shaky affirmative. ITO resume,
what do you say after tlowers2'
Dancing was INDUCED in until q. M
| Oh, my stricken soul! Not single
reference to the subtle perfume?
Where did you serve your apprentice
ship? Don't you know, my dear Mr..
DeCustard, that a society report without
| subtle perfume in it is like the play
of Hamlet with Hamlet left out? ]
might have overlooked the use of the
word flowers i'll lieu of 'exotics.' but
the absence of the subtle Perfume
never! You should have gone on, after
flowers COR 'exoticsD, in this wise:
whose subtle perfume quickened
the ravjslied senses of the gay masQuerf
| always remember to spell il with a"q")
who now abandoned themselves to ter
sichorean revelry-as the dreamy, SEN
suous waltz, the dashins polka, and the
alluring galop, was discoursed in heaven
ly strains by superb orchestra-un
the wee sma' hours (''wee sma' hours
is ''bull's eye" on the gentle reader,
every t;me) arrived, and the leader
morning rays gave the hitherto dazzling
gaslights in the crystal chandeliers dull
oistre appearance" 'Bistre' is the cor.
rect Kibosh, my son, and rounds off the
article with an appropriate contrast
Now, Mr.. DeGoosey, in view of these
lucid instructions, do you think you will
be equal to the ''choice, exotic, subtle
perfume, sensuous waltz and: bistre
racket in the future?" DeCourcy though
it over and made up his mind that hi
would be gigantic failure as an lex
oticer,"a "subtle perfumist," or de-
lineato.' of "bistre"-some effects, ane
sadly rendered his resignation as 80
ciety reporter" on the paper. He i!
now chief custodian of the cuspidor ane
grand broom wrestler extraordinary il
| per week and t'found"-in old exchange.
for use as sleeping mattress, quilts, pill
ow, etc.-[Life.