South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-09-28
W.T. AND HUMOR.


vuz In tho psrlor last night, behind the
scfy, when the preacher come in 70 see
sister Kate and they did set too close
up 'or anything; on the preacher said.
10. CO.; an then the preacher, he kiss.
ed her right smack on the mouth. and
said: Dear Katie, how good the Lord
10 70 as poor Sinners and Katie said.
10. oo;' an then-an then Well
said her mamma, you wicked child, you
wicked child, what did you do p wy
mamma, felt so good. 1 blurted right
out, Let us pray and you ought a seen
em jump.
profe was expostu!ating with n
student for idleness, when the latter
said: It's no usa; 1 vas Gu. out for a
'oafer.' WELL declared the professor.
whoever cut you GU. understood his
business
"A fellow must SOW his wild oats. you
know, exclaimed the old ndo,escent
John. Yes replied Annie, but one
shouldn't begin sowing so coon after
cradling.'
A young correspondent complains that
there arc too many lawyers in the coun.
try Oh, no, my boy; there aren't too
many lawyers. There aren't half enough
clients, that's oil.
A clergyman who was recently tray
cling, stopped at hotel much frequent.
cd by wags and jokers. Tho host, not
being used to having clergymen at his
table, looked ut him with surprise; the
guests used all their artillery of wit
without elioiting a remark. The cler-
gyman ate his dinner quietly. apparent.
iy without observing tho gibes & sneei
Of his neighbors. One Of them at last,
il despair at his forbearance, sail to
him: Well, wonder at your patience !;
have you not heard oil that has been
said to your % yes, but am used to
it. Do you know who I ON p NO,
SIR Well, will inform you. am a
chaplain Of lunatic asylum; such re-
marks have no effect ON me-
Mover say Mrs So and So's young
Ones said o Philadelphia lady 10 her
young hopeful; rats have young ones,
people have children THAT NAV be
all right about Mrs. So and So answer.
ed the boy. Il don't know her; but
Mrs. Smith has young ones, for I heard
her call one OF them little rat
PRESIDENT LINCOLN CAUGHT NAP
rINd.-PresiIent LINCOLN, as il we'll
known, WAS never great stickler for
ceremony or official etiqette. On the
10th of July, 1868 he lay stretched on
lounge in bis private Office in the White
House, revising his proclamation for a
general Thanksgiving day on the 9Th of
August The turning point of the re-
bellion had been reached In the battle
of Gettysburg twelve days before, and
the surrender of Vicksburg on the fol,
lowing day, aud the President felt that
he was entitled to little rest. Ilo had
stretched himself on the lounge in a
comfortable but rather ungraceful posi-
ton, and with the rough draught Of the
proclamation held above his head, was
revising it critically, and pencilling
few unimportant changes in its phrase
ology, when an attendant, young man
OF sixteen. up ceremoniously entered and
gave him card.
without rising, the President read
the noto on the card, and said 'Pshaw
She here again? told her last week
that could not interfere in her CASE
The visitor was \ lady who had been
twice dismissed from the Treasury De-
partment. and re.instated after the first
dismissal Oh the recommendation Of the
President. He was unwilling to inter
fore again, as he was confident that she
did not deserve Ieniency.
caa not see her, he said, impa-
tiently. Get rid of herainyway. Tell
her / am asleep. or anything you like
Quickly returning 10 the lady in On
adjacent room. this exceedingly bright
boy said to her, Tho President told me
TO toll you that he is asleep
The lady's eyes sparkled 40 she re-
sponded, An, he says be is asleep, eb ?
VOL. will you be kind enough TO re.
turn and ask him when no intend, 70
wake up2'
We believe that this was the only time
when President Lincoln was caught
n"pping.-F. A. w. in Harpers Mag
Yes, sab. We quite agree with you,
sab. that there is sort OF delicious