Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-06-01
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

| wouldn't 1t be jony fun
Wo lldn't II just yank the bun
To suspend real live spider there instsadi
Signs Of the times-Sl
And row We have dudincs.
A young poet speaks Of his ''chaste
Dreams" Is 1t snakes, or bull dog
Prussian dynamiters are almost as busy as
editors, nowadays. Their operations will
not be postponed on account Of the reign.
Keep up your spirits, my good fellow n
exclaimed cheerful physician TO d,srail.
ing invalid Patient (brightenlng) why.
the other doctor told me to leave EN- orr"
What is That with an Apron, That, my
son, is Woman. What is she trying to d.
She is trying to drive Ten pulle,s aud II Ge'-
teman Hen out Of the Garden. VIII size do
lt2 No, my son, but she wil spoil The Gal.
den.
There is to be convention Of cirrial 0
makers in Western city. II will BIZ buggy
crowd.
An entcrprising firm advcrtises new
'strategies in fishing tackle" What we
want is few more fish to tackle the strs-
tegies.
When the young man wes'irg No. II
boots, steps on the scales in the grocery store,
you may know that he Is going to give him
self weigh.
A Milwaukee man, drawing cnk from II
whiskey bottle, broke 1t in two. aud found
1t swarming with worms A pretty coik'.
crew that was.
"Things look squalv." said the youp-
husband, when the baby was three nigh /,
old.
A New York tailor has invented an attach.
able dress coat-tal. We shall al~s, Z
carry ono in our pocket, in expectation u h.
Ing dined
A society critic says that In London tn,
wcalthiest people are the best dancers. Rlci.
people are generally considered TO be well
heeled.
| In Connecticut town boiler factory and
|
ouch Other 1t is nip and tuck between the
babies aud the hammer-smilhs, to see which
will make the most noise.
Chicago folks have begun to battle In Lake
Michigan. The fish are said to be dying of
In great numbers.
Mr. Vanderbilt said that bis chief object IL
taking a sea voy age was to enable him to gel
up an appetite. lie might have accomplish
ed the same thing by emitting to eat break
fast.
Young men who are living on $7a weel
had better stop buying diamonds and sub
sclip'ion books right off. Strawberry fesu
val Time is coming on.
We saw strawberry kickiug around, thu
other day, on the pavement in front Of gro
Gerry store, but We didn't pick it up, becaus
We have a prejudice against amassiug for
tune by any other means than patient an
persistent toll.
| A surveyor sighted gistening Landmark
on adistaut hillside, and proceeded TO lay gu
his Inns accordingly. In II few minutes h
was surprised to find an abetration-the oh
ject had, appa emily, moved. Looking NOR
closely with his telescope, he saw that III
shining object was tall s.urcheJ collar on
l jct-Llack negro. There was mad surveyo
for about two minutes.
A fond father was demonstrating with hi
b daughter for letting the young gentlemen pl
their arms around her waist. IF you are s
: fond of being tickled," said he, "why, ca
. accommodate you myself" Yes" Wa
Q her frank reply, but shouldn't llke,t n pa
!, ticlc."
l. A Chicago editor was arrested Ia Ciucil
b natl for refusing to pay for n hotel mt
!, which he claimed he had not eaten. Edito
l. have SO many things to think Of, that ii lie
IS wonder they forget an uulmrortant lit
= matter, now and then.
Isl Girls cant throw stones wor b cert. h
D. when it comes to throwing kisses lLey Ia
~ tho laugh on their side. Fancy lru,he
a. handed baseball pitcher throwing II ks
es Why, 1t would dodge around all tis furu
Is ture In the room, and skin Of half the Wa
70 paper, and bat in whole set Of s2I tYt
To before Its ambrosial sweetness difflsed ito,
IS over the waiting affections of the falr one.
And.now hygienic writer CONES alor
ut and says that 1t Is unhealthy to whistle. '
% eau conceive of IN instance IN which
I'd might 10 so-when our fighting editor
~ writing up dog fight.
AZ ~. A rose by any other name smells ls swc'
to and so does an onion, exactly.
A North Carolina colored woman is nam
Clarissa Sophronia Teddy Whitehouse A
IL. pletree Burton. Evidently a slur on
nd temperance reputation Of the executive Hi
\. sion.
nd In the Senatorial election In Colorado
&c. devil got one vote. In almost every elect
,or somebody is sure TO vote for himself.
m. A Vermont girl il attended by two '
m nice young men, both named Edward.
sid likes 'em both, and-well her mind is in
49, 49, eddy of doubt.
ny The supreme court OF Kentucky has
es- cided that wife may recover money lost
,' her husband at gambling 1t is not lib
that the latter will object
A hen laid an egg in u Pennsy lvania ST.
car. the other day. From its furnishings
h,- mistook it for barn.
nds Tho idea is advanced that ii water '
~ sold at ten cents glass it might becom
u popular beverage. With the addition {