Frostburg mining journal., 1883-06-16
Selett Stprly,
BUYS n PRINTING PRESS.
Mr. Spoopendyke As He Appedr-
ed in q NetU Role.

as follows:
Spoopendyke came home one night
bringing small bundle in his arms.
"It's printing press. on which l
expect to do all my own printing
hereafter" he said.
"Oh, but isn't that lovely T. fut-
tered Mrs. Spoopendpke, dropping
the stork, and rushing to her hus-
bands side; land can't we do the
loveliest things with it It's the
kind the Herald and Sun and all
those papers are printed with"
"Oh, yes, Mrs. Spoopendvke,"
growled her husband, you've hit it
exactly. This is the very kind. l
got Mr.. Bennett to try it on, so as to
get it the same size as the Herald is
printed on
"And you will print papers with
yours like Mr.. Bennett and the
other editors ?" continued Mrs.
Spoopendyks timidly.
"On, but won't 1 though ; yelled
her husband. ut needed q dodgast-
ed female idiot to think of that
you've struck
THE PROPER PLAN.
Think dou can print 5Ox6O show
bills with 3x4 press Well, tell
ye that ye can't. Can ys get it into
your measly head that this is card
press, and can only print card 3x4
inches ?"
"OL, it's card press. is it ?" ven
tured Mrs. SpoopendykA "then we
can print these beautiful Christmas
cards on 1t, can't we?"
Now you've got it," yelled her
husband that's the idea. 1t prints
in thirty-five different colors at one
impression, and any design, from the
picture of an old crank with seal
skin overcoat, loafng around some
body chimney with game-bag full
of jumplng-jacks, to the New Year,
1884, represented by hump-back
baby dressed as an old tramp with
moving machine aud gallon jug of
whiskey under bis arm. That's the
idea exactly. Think You
CAN PRIET cHRoMos
and Autographs on it, don't you? !?
well,'yo cant. You can only print
one color and that is black. Think
you grasp it now ?"
"Well," said Mrs. Spoopendy ke, 81
suppose you can print visiting cards
on it?"
"Yes, Mrs. Spoopendyke, can,
said her husband, in q softer tone and
he grew in q much better humor as
he proceeded to ehou his wife the
press and exhibit his dexteriiy in the
use of tyfe and the press.
At last he got his worthy help.
meets name set up in type, and pro-
ceeded to put ii In the chase on the
press with grand fourish. But in
an evil hour he had forgotten to key
it up, and at a touch the whole busi-
ness went into pi, and at the next
fell in confused mass all over the
carpets.
why, what makes it do that ?"
said Mis-. Spoopendy ke, laughing.
"What makes it do what, Mrs. s ?"
sneered her husband as he hit his
head on
CORNER OF A TABLE
in a mad drive after the type.
what dye spose makes 1t do it 2
What makes anything do anything ?
If had your talent for asking idiot.
ic questions I'd get glass Of beer
and three inch paper collar, and
live oat as prosecution attorney"
By this time the worthy gentleman
had got the name set up and securely
fastened and was printing with great
gusto, but he had, unfortunately, set
the type up in wrong order, and the
first eight perfumed visiting cards
came out like the following:
.ekydaep. ops SrM
When Mrs. Spoopendyke saw it
she set up little scream. "Oh,
isn't that funny, though ? What
makes it wrong side up 2"
Funny ?" howled her husband,
with horrid derision, as he grasped
the situation.
"It's perfect thunderbolt of fun.
It's the most delicious humorous thing
of the century. All you need is an
advertisement of liver pills
ON THE COVER,