New Ulm weekly review., 1883-11-21
WIT AND HUMuR,

with the Browns p'' Certainly not
They are relatives Of my husband. .
..Yes,' she said, II always obey my.
husband, but I reckon I have some
thing to say about what his commands
shall be. Boston Post.
Mamma, what is furrrier?'' asked
little girl Zone that deals in fnrs,
was the reply ..Then is a c,lrrier one
that deals in ours, 3, was the next q1es-
ton.
"A French author says: When ]
lost my wife every family in town Of
fered me another; but, when i lost my
good. .
It was lady from the Emerald isle
who said: ..Shure, an me son Pat has
been lyin' fat on his back wild the fever
these four weeks, as silent as moke,
yellin' Water! water!' all the time.
a certain rich man says Of his wealth:
..This is often what have often sigh
+ cd for, even cried for, sometimes lied
for, and nearly died for. What should
I let it slide forp" S.
A gentleman who had just returned
from Europe was asked how he liked
the trip across the ocean. Not a bit. =
was the reply. 3. i felt utterly retched
all the way over. !" !. ...s ~ s5s .sss /.
The difference between circus adj
vance agent and druggist seems to be
this: The first spends much of his
time in the posting Of his bills, and the
latter in boasting Of his pills. 5t
An exchange print several items un-
der the head of True Fish Stories
It might happen that way. Once in q
century. But not oftener. And they
have not yet made their appearance
this century, 5i +. .l..{a & b e Ass IS. M
iiIWAs.t is The il, i1,finitt ,fGiniitt ol silence w
asked a philosopher Of married man.
81 don't know; but I should think it
would be what man had to say to his
wife, when she caught him trying to
kiss the hired girl. !"
A young lady writes to paper ask
ing how she can get rid of her beau.
Did she ever try dropping red-hot
file down the back of his neck? This
will frequently discourage a young man
when all other means have failed.
A coin used among the Malays repre-
sents value equal to about the one
thousandth part of a penny. If such q
coin were introduced into this country,
many more people who attend church
would contribute to the missionary
cause. 4.
81 believe, = said a petulant wife to
her husband, '.that verything | say to
you goes into one ear and right out of
| the other.'' eyes, dear. he replied
pleasantly; .'It doesn't take a great
while to get any thing you say through
my head. =
s.It is something can understand, s
the paper, "why every Frenchman' $
first name begins with an NJ. Here's
M. Ferry and NJ. Wilson and NJ. Grevy,
and dozen more. Must bother the
postmaster terribly. =
Greenland has no cats. Imagine
cats in a country where the nights are
six months long. A scientist says that
cats born 1900 feet above the sea are
deaf The altitude at which they are
born dumb is what the people would
generally like to know.
When watermelons make q man sick
he goes to the doctor. Not so with the
newspaper When the paper makes
him sick he goes to the courts. There
is one similarity, however, in the two
cases. Recovery is doubtful in both
instances. Carl Pretzel's Weekly.
20, Granf,e, Grannie!" exclaimed Q
Brooklyn boy, glancing up from the
paper which he was reading .'Java
has been visited by shower of fire.
..Dear me, - returned the old lady, not
exactly catching the full import Of the
communication, ''dear me, you don't
ell me 50? Well, thought the coffee
this morning tasted little burnt
The craze on electrical study is be-
ginning to bear fruit. '.Are you the
conductors" asked a lad of a omnibus
guard. Il am, = replied the courteous
official. What is your namep'' ..My
name is Wood. = ssOh, that can't be, 3
said the boy, ''for wood is non-con-
ductor. :
''How old would you think my daugh-
ter was, asked a mother Of a lady
friend at one of of our summer resorts;
s.would you think she was 1872 20,
yes. was the candid reply, 81 should
think she was 18-about ten years
ago!' They "never speak as they pass
by' now. ss
Does a goose lay eggs?' inquired
Rollo, one brisk morning in breezy
March. And Rollo' q father. sitting be-
hind the stove, eating quinine with q
spoon, and trying to shake his whole
skeleton out of his pockets, made re.
ply: Eyes, my son, ague Stays every
thing. 1t has slain your father
A painter was Dragging Of his won
derful command of color to a friend one
day. His friend did not seem to take
it quite all in. Why exclaimed the
painter, ''do you know there are but
three painters in the world, sir, who
understand color!' .'And who are
theyp" at last asked the friend. why,
sir, am one, and and and / forget
the names of the other two!''
The Earl Of Shaftesbury tells an
amusing story. He says that in his
part Of the country Oorsetshire) the
people have a strong prediction for
giving Hebrew names to their children
by baptism. Sometimes, however, they
go little too far. In the churchyard
Of his own parish there is q tombstone
on which the words were engraved,
''Mcthuselah Coney died, aged twelve
months.''.
Heavy tragedian, seated at a railway
hotel before roast chicken: ..Prithee,
landlord, dwells there within the pre-
cincts of this hamlet q machinist?''
Landlord: "Asmachinist? Yes, sir. =
Tragedian: ..Then take to him this
bird of many springs. Bid him wrench
assunder these iron limbs, and then,
for our regalement, to chisel slices from
its unyielding bosom, for we would
dine anon. And, pray you, do lit quick
~. Your peas you need not carry, for
those, with dext'rous man agement, we
can swallow whole. Away!''
NOthinU world on hevnr6 an nd.