Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-07-08

"a BarIesqae Word is often . Highly
Sermon"
HE Is GONE.

"a Barlesqae word is often Highly
He Is GONE.
Little Tommy went a-fshing,
Perched himself upon log,
Now his parents are Awaiting
They'd saved the undertaken Job.
VIZ advise fat girls who will attend pic
mics this summer to wear celluloid corsets.
The young man who sang, "Rocked on
the Bosom of the Deep" probably had been
huggipg giIl who wore pair OF patent
pslpitators.
A SrEuBENvILEE girl who married re-
Gently, says that her husband would soon
lie a wealthy man il he would only work as
hard now as he did when he was making
love TO her.
A LARGE number of Americans went to
London this season instead Of going west
All We have to say is, that some of these
fellows will greatly miss the turnpikes
and freight trains in their efforts to get
home.
THE Cannibals eat jackasses, we are in
ormed. In this glorious country the jack-
ass is more fortunate. He goes to the Leg.
islature, gets appointed to foreign missions,
and tries to stop the publication of Sunday
newspapers.
An alarm of fire comes in very handy
sometimes, especially If il sounds on Sun
day morning just before the collection is to
be taken up in church. Every man feels
moved to 90 out and save his property from
impending daDger.-Lowell Citizen.
THERE is dream.book out which warns
all young men not to propose to girl in
snow storm. They should also be careful
about proposing to a girls father who is
leaning out ofa second story window and
whistling for the dog.-Detroit Free Press.
THE newspapers all over the country say
that the tobacco crop will be remarkably
small this year. Well, it doesn't matter.
So long as there is plenty of. straw and
fence.rail clippings in the market, We can
all have our evening smoke just the same
as we have since the war ended.
EVERY once in while we read in the
newspapers about parties 'giving the bride
away" This is generally done by rela
tive. This is kind Of mean, anyhow; but If
person has anything to say he had ought
to wait until the ceremony is over, and not
give her away before she has the husband
fast.
STRANGE, is it not, that so many OF our
"too utterly all but English' sports are
near sighted, and must wear goggles. But
have you ever noticed that these goggle-on-
s-string fellows will see a creditor four
miles off, and dodge corner to avoid him.
Their glasses must be regular planet.dis-
covering lenzes.
"ErIQuErrE' wants to know what ar. g.
Y. p" at the end of an invitation means.
The letters are the initials OF French
words signifying Respond il you please
and usually mean that the invited guest
will answer, so that the host will known
exactly how many plates to borrow. 1t is
becoming obsolete that's corker), and
among newspaper men the initials "R. p.
d. q are used almost entirely.
One of the objects to be discussed at the
Concord school of philosophy this year is
The distinction Of reality and potentiality
from true actuality." Don't see why the
schSccd SHOULD TACKLE that subject, as, in
order to feel stt interest in it, we should
suppose person would need to be about
twothirds drunk.-Boston Post.
ANE now Massachusetts, woman wants
to organize matrimonial society to send
young women west to get husbands. The
western boys are pretty tough and will
stand great deal, having endured Jesse
Jsmts, Billy the Kid and numerous other
whirlwinds and cyclones, buff they could
brace up under the influence Of lot OF
Massachusetts women, they possess still
more moral courage than We have given
them credit for.