Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1883-09-07
Inc pew a. seen from ,be puIp,,


As you preach the word, my young brother,
cast your eyes around upon the congregation,
and you will observe these people, as follows
namely, to wit, viz.
l. The SLEEPER He will be there. Per
adventure he leaneth his chin upon a cane, so
that when the moment Of deep and profound
slumber cometh upon him his chin slippeth
of, and with the bang of his head upon the
pew in front of him he is awaked Howbeit
the bang upon his wife's head no man can
hear. Or, the slumberer may sit bolt up
right and nod in time to his deep and regular
breathing. Only when you cast your eyes
upon him the watohful wife of his bosom
stabs him with her elbow, and he glareth up
on the congregation as who should say "He
that sayeth slept the same is a liar and a
villain and horse-thief." Or, if he be so
that he leaneth his head back until the lid
thereof falleth down between his shoulders,
and he playeth phantastic tunes with his
nose, insomuch that the boys in the gallery
make merry over the same, then is it hazard
Gus to awaken this slumberer right suddenly,
because he dreameth of divers things and say
eth to the tithing man who shaketh him up,
Hey hi ha yes, yes, all right. I'm up"
and thus is the congregation much scandal
lied. But If he foldeth his handkerchief
over the back of the pew in front, and boweth
his head devoutly upon the same, even in that
moment when the text is pronounced, then
will that sleeper trouble no one, but will
slumber sweetly on until the time of the bene-
dotion and he will awaken refreshed and
smiling, and he will extol the sermon and
magnify the preacher He is the old. d.timer
from Sleepy Hollow.
II. The LoUNGER. He falls into the pew
and slides easily into the most comfortable
corner. He shakes himself down into a com
Ia ~ t., L.
pew in front and meet his hips at the crook
eldest of obtuse angles. He crooks his plant
elbow into the arm Of the pew, and drops the
side Of his face into the fearful hollow of his
hand, by means of which he pushes his
cheek up into his eye. His shoulders are
nearly on level with his head. Every time
you look at him you expect to see him slide
out of sight. And although you are good
man, sometimes you wish he would, and new
| er come up again.
III. The F1DGET. Whether you look for
him or not you know where be is. He pushes
| the hassock away with long resonant Rroan
of his own. Then he sits bolt upright hooks
his shoulder blades over the back of the pew,
and hangs on. He is going to sit still this
Sunday if it kills him. But the pew is too
high, so he settles down little. Then be
| puts a hymn-book between his back and the
| pew. Then he leans forward and lets it fall
with a crash. Then he folds his arms he
half turns and lays one arm along the back Of
the pew. Suddenly he slides down and braces
both knees against the back of the pew in
front. Ah that's comfort It last ninety
seconds, when he abruptly straightens up, el.
eva'eI both arms, and hooks his elbows over
the back of the pew. That isn't what he
wants; his legs are tired he reaches for the
hassock with both feet, upsets it, and in a
frantic effort to stay it kicks it against the
pew. Covered with burning embarrassment
he pulls out his watch twice or thrice without
once looking at it, He folds his arms across
his breast, then he crosses them behind his
back he thrusts his hands into his pockets,
he drops Bible on the floor puts his feet in.
to his hat and at times you look to see him
go all to pieces, but he doesn't. He stays to.
gether and comes back next Sunday, every
limb and joint of him.
". The WATCHER. His neck is fitted or
globe socket and turns clear around. He
sees everything that goes on. The man who
comes in late does not escape him, and it il
vain for the tenor to think he got that little
note to the alto conveyed between the leaves
of the hymn book unobserved. The watcher
saw it. He sees the hole in the quarter thai
Elder Skinner dropped in the plate. He sect
that Deacon Slowbow has on but one cuff. Il
the door swings he looks around if the win
dow moves noiselessly he looks up. He seei
the stranger in his neighbors pew, and ht
sees Brother Badman sitting away back under
the gallery, furtively taking chew of the in
hibted fine cut. All things that nobody
wants him to see the watcher sees. He seel
90 much that he has no time to listen. Bur
dette IN tic Cincinnati Enquirer.