National Republican., 1883-03-28

RELIEF measure is one that measures q
cord of wood given poor widow
FIFTEEN Turkish officers have gone to
Berlin to study the art Of war. IL being cheaper
than going to housekeeping
WILLIAM AND MARY college has been closed
This will be a little hard on Bill, but Mary eau
get married. Courier -.,our,ai
The dudes of New York society are ar
ranging TO celebrate the remarkable recovery Of
the queen.-ARdntd Constitution.
New YoRKs milk supply is cut off In
states where floods are: not frequent, It is almost
impossible to raise milk Courier journal. s. ,+
AN exchange speaks of the "inimitable"
Emmett This is too good to DO true.--Bu6dlo Ee-
press. rf6W
SINCE congress refused TO pass the bonded
whisky bill a snake eight feet long. with sixteen
Tattles and button, is said to have been killed in
Georgia.
SENSIBLE ladies will now sell their fat.
tupid.looking pugs and buy noble st. Bernard
dogs. Fancy a pug dragging Off two assassins aud
saving ladys lifol
They are so solicitous that the animals at
Central park shall contract 10 bad habit, that a
New York loafer has been fined $500 for giving q
giraffe chew of tobacco.
ISN'T Sl,OO0O00a year a largo prico TO pay
Tor the privilege of misgoverniug Ireland2 Would
not liberal infusion Of home rule be better as
well as cheaper.--Boston Herald
ISN'T IL n misuse Of terms to say that "busi-
ness is at II standstill in Wall street2 IL would
be moro accurate to say that there is little bettine
or that gambling is dull for want of victims.
School teachers can borrow hint from the
Kentucky schoolmaster who got u verdict Of sl7
the other day in suitbrought against the trustees
for damages from cold caught running after them
to get his pay.
A KANSAS church deacon said in prayer
meeting: Brethren and sisters let us pray for G.
NJ. Smith. and make better man of him." G. M,
Smith sued the deacon for SANDER, and was
awarded 5000 by a jury. DIV
THE famous old chestnut tree in the
Tuileries gardens known as March 90" because
| 1t generally blossomed on that date, started out
month in advance this year, and all Paris 70.
Joiced In the prospect Of an early spring.
ONE of the great Gins for which West
Springfield Mass, is famous was recently voted
unsafe in March winds and cut down II took
TWO good choppers two days TO fell the tree and
1t yielded ten cords Of wood when cut up.
Mr.. WILLIAM HAYDEN, the great dramatic
agent is authority for the statement that the loss
Of diamonds by an actress is not as profitable
an advertisement as box of fve.cent cigars left
| accidentally in the editorial rooms Of a daily
| newspaper
LADY FLORENCE Dixie admits that her
bang and her back hair were comparatively un-
injured. This is we'll. Ladies who 20 out walk.
ing In wild countries should always wear corsets
and be accompanied by st. Bernard dog with a
brass collar-Aaantd Constitution.
IT is estimated that the New York police
department requires about LOO running feet of
locust fnran nm, ,,frx ,g,,.,,
| Every policeman using club must have two run
ming feet. His efficiency is estimated by the
pound.
| DIR. REcKLAM, in a recent number of the
Gesundheh. says that the headache, restlessness.
&c, which are sometimes caused by keeping how-
| ers IN bedrooms, do not result from any special
properties Of the flowers themselves but from the
continued strain brought to bear upon the olfac-
| tory nerves.
JOHN A. STEVENS has written new play
called Her Second Love-" which ho will soon
produce in New York. It's scene is laid In st.
Petersburg at the present day. In this play Mr..
Stevens introduces his new dynamite kiss. He
has advertised for lady with brass face to take
the leading part.
THE average rate of charge on the Ameri-
can railways per ton OF passengers for mile is
$685. the average per mile for q ton Of freight
was Sl29 per ton per mile. The profit made out
OF carrying ton OF passengers u mile was S68
cents; the profit out Of carrying q ton OF freight
mile was 0.53 cent.
NAUTICAL: Two tramps, very thirsty, are
seated in n lager beer saloon, involuntary listen.
ers to an argument between two pretty well
loadedlegal gentlemen ON the subject Of free ships
First tramp-"That amt no interest to us. Is 1t
BIly?' Second tramp-"No. Sam, what we wants
to hear about is free schooners"
PITTsBURG Telegraph: "A Pittsburg girl
who had refused good d-looking telegraph repair
man three times within six months, gave as a rea-
son that he was too much OF wanderer; that he
roamed from polo to pole, from one climb to an
other, and If he did come home he'd be insulate
that the neighbors would be sure to talk"
A MYSTERY explained Strange" re-
marked Mrs. Brown IL have rung at Mrs
Smiths door three times this week, and didn't
succeed in raising any ono. guess the family is
out of town." " Possibly" replied Mrs. JONES'
"but Mrs. Smith was telling me Just now that
she could tell your ring among thousand"
SHE said that she wanted q ticket to Wyan-
dotte and return, and the pale gentlemanly agent
with the dark moustache asked, as he took up the
| pasteboard, "Single?" " 1t amt any of your bust
ness as know" she answered tarlly: al might
have been married q dozen times If I'd felt like
proyidin for some poor shiftless wreck OF man -
AN olu anu BOou anecuOte OF Emerson re-
lntes that after he had addressed literary society
the minister who offered prayer bcsought the Lord
to deliver us from ever hearing any more such
! transcendental nonsense as we have just listened
to from this sacred desk = and Emerson's simple
remark was that che seems very conscientious,
plain spoken man."
A KITE was made near Rochester, NJ ",
recently. Of lumber two inches wide by half an
| inch in thickness. II was covered with manila
paper, and the surface contained nearly $50 square
feet. The string by which the kite was flown was
of three-eighth inch rope and 5000 feet In length
II shot in the air like balloon, and after floating
a mile high for two hours was only brought down
by means Of pulley and team. Stories for Boys.
CHINAMEN in San Francisco drive profit
able trade by sweating, fling, and splicing the
| United States coin. Great caution must be used
| in making silver and gold change. ] asked why
| Chinese detectives were not employed TO detect
Chinese coin clippers The reply was "All are
! in It, and the detective would be murdered" We
asked Chinaman how heliked the Chinese anti
emigration law. He said: " Belly good, belly
good; we here now can get more pay."-HeU York
| Sun Letter.
We take great pleasure in calling attention
| to the most talented murderer Of modern times,
| Mr.. Fred. L. Waite, Of franklin, Texas, He was
hung last Friday for numbering hi ler last fall,
| and before he made the fatal leap, he said few
things which will forever endear him to us. 1t has
heen the usual cusIom with murde rers 10 announca