Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1883-07-21
FLoAFIse DYSPEPSIA cUgE.

The latest definition of an agnostic Is .
man who is not sure of anytning-not even
that he is sure of anything. Il Lowell
! Courier.
Where do all the flies 60 to ?" asks an
exchange. They have been boarding az
our house this month.-[Cincinnst Sstur-
day Night.
What is meant by Sabbath days
journey John. The distance between
any place and the nearest good fishing.
ground. i Burlington Free Press.
a London oculist says that culture di-
minishes the size of the eyes. Now, Just
listen to that. Everybody knows that
small is are sign of the entire absence Of
culture.-[Bosto Transcripts.
In reply to that thing published in Wat
kinsville-we shall not disgrace the name
of journalism by calling it Newspaper
we will say that the Banner Watcspaan is
not in the habit of wasting its ammunition
by firing at turkey buzzards. So old nip
can squat upon his launches and bay the
| moon until he is hosr5e. We never srgue
with fools, knaves, idiots and like cattle
[Athens lGal Watchman.
Somebody who knows says that Clara
Louise Kellogg, the prima donna, never had
| idea Of marrying Mr.. - of -. the
gentleman who pleased Miss Kellogg most
some years ago." he saws, sis now the
brilliant editor of prominent Western
paper, VINO ia still unmarried" This state
ment is true with the exception Of the last
sentence. We have been married several
years. Detroit Free Press.
"Ah, good morning. Going 20 church
tomorrow ?" "Church? Oh, yes, I guess
30. Who holds forth % "Oh, let's see.
Miss Crescendo is to sing an aria, Miss Pi-
anissimo will warble bit, Bravura he is
so hum on the tenor side and old Audante
will come in somewhere on the chorus. It
will be way up" "Bat who breaches ~
"That makes no difference. Some fellow
who will touch up our transgressious
mighty light. Il Hartford Post.
4 Hampshire (England) woman finding
her husband suicidally suspended from the
rafter, still alive. and struggling fearfulIy,
went to hunt up the authorities and tell
! them of the unfortunate course pursued by
her husband. In due time they came, bus
| then he had ceased stru ggling and was
sleeping the placid sleep of death. Her
excuse for not cutting him down when she
first discovered him was, that he was max.
ing such horrid faces that she hadn't the
heart to do it.
During big thunder shower little Will
lie, who slept up stairs alone, gos scared
and called his mother, who came up and
asked him what he was frightened about.
VIII admitted that the thunder was lit.
tie too much for a youngster who slept
alone Well, if you are afraid, said his
mother. "you should pray for courage. :"
"Well, all right" said Willie, sn idea
coming into his head "suppose you stay
up here and pray while go down stairs
and sleep with pa" She didn't stay.
An old Scotch story is good enough to
be lately revived in the Scotch papers :
One night Sandy told her that he g liket''
her "awfu' vice." She simply responded
ditto" Sandy was not very sure what
that meant; so the next day, while at
work, he said, Father, can you ten me
what ditto is" "Ou, ay, Sandy" re-
piled his father. "Dae ye see that cab
bage ?" eyes" "And dae ye see that
ither ane, that it's just the same ?" eyes. -
"Weel, that's ditto" "Gracious good
ness" exclaimed Sandy. did she ca me
a cabbage-head I'll nae wed her"