Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1883-12-06
HUMOROUS.

| phboif "hsn MS own lell rom MS
pocket and was discharged, and bul.
let hit lawyer in the leg
Ho invented a tail weight TO put on
his COW. The first made.-.a small iron
ball-wasn't heavy enough TO hold her
tail down, but it broke his jaw. lie
lives in Camden, New jersey.
II is a mean wretch who will slyly
drop a hairswitch in a car loaded with
women and then smile az he sees every
woman make garb for the back o.
her head when she notices it.
1t isn't always that the Shuttle fami.
ly has particularly hearty supper. "a
say, Mrs. s." said job, the other
evening, "this is a somewhat light and
decidedly frugal repast." 81 know it,
Job but you see ! had nothing but
skim milk for the toast" "Oh, see.
You toasted the skim and poured the
milk over it. The idea is worthy Of
preservation in the immortal pages Of
cook book. .'-Haytord Post
Prince Hohenlohe says I'VE Amer
leans cut down our forests too faEt.p
Not all of us, dear Prince. You can
just leave the undersigned out Of that
Indictment. II we had a farm 10 clear
out OF the mighty forests, we are trustful
enough and patient enough to wait
around until the trees die Of old age
but as for going in with an axe and
trampling down the moss and ferns
with unnumbered chips and unlimited
perspiration, we do not volunteer.
Wen take our chances on the draft
BrvirgtoH HuclyG
Mrs. McVapid, Of Austin, is consid.
cred very ob,use by those intimately
acquainted with her. one morning
shc called to her little boy, who
WAS playing 10 the front yard,
Tommy, 90 down to the
the grocery store and bring me = pound
Of starch" 81 haven't got time to go
down to the grocery and get Ia pound OF
starch It's most Fchooliime now" j." II,
that 20 said Mr., McNopid, with
troubled look. Then, Frightening up,
she added We'll, then ran down and
get only half a pound Tommy
complied with the compromise, was
late 10 school and the teacher took the
starch out Of him with a Single
Tlrl' Sdasg'.
A hopping mad man at the Union
Depot wanted to see the president,
secretary, superintendent and treasurer
all at once, and 1t would have done him
heap OF good could he have got within
striking distance Of even twenty thou
sand dollar stock holder in any Of the
railroads entering Detroit. To the
several queries az 10 what was on his
mind, he finally replied u was coming
in from Dearborn this morning, walk.
ing on the track. Ny dog Bombo was
with me. I've had that dog FIVE years,
and have been offered fifty dollars for
him. lie was little green about rail
roads but on everything else be was a.
sharp "a razor. We had go, down
Abou, a mile this side Of the village,
when saw tram a-coming"
"And stepped aside
OF course did. I own one hundred
and sixty acres of land and am a
Highway Commissioner but ! amt
fool noueh to think I'm bigger'n 8
railroad train"
"But the dog z"
"lIe stopped, too, reckon it was
the fust time he ever saw train but
he'd have bin eli right IL the engineer
hadn't begun to toot The mint he
heard that tootin Bombo begun to
bristlc, and while the train was FIVE
hundred feet away he started down the
track 10 meet it,"
Then
"Wall. said the man, a. he mopped
his forehead il was leetle too much
fur him. An engine and FIVE cars ought
to git away with dog any day in the
year. lie riz about twenty feet high, |
reckon, took q slant to the left; and
when be come down he broke the
top off a small tree
"well?n
81 motioned fur the engineer TO stop
the train as soon IS the dog started
lie could have done IL, but wouldn't.
Indeed, when the train went past me,
he leaned out and Iaughed-yes, sir,
laughed in my face
"And you want damages p
81 do | want the worth Of that dog,