Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-07-06

ed quarter to blind beggar rs from passing
OIL filed one on a sharp.eyed storekeeper.
Black bass-negro singers.
Jay Gould is fond Of flowers. Well, Ls
can afford to be.
Fashion DEGREES that suits for country wear
TO be stylish must be odd. Poke bopuets
tickle the farmers most 10 death.
Pope Leo wants to make some repairs on
the Vatican, but he hasn't the rocks lie
, should do as VIC do-buy can of paint aud
1--WE cents worth of nails and 20 at /, himself.
In some portions of the west it is custom.
airy to speak of deceased sinners as having
gone to the Sulphur Springs"
Doctors say you mustn't go in bathing when
you're hungry nor when you're full of grub,
so when in The dickens is a fellow going 10
learn to SWIM
An exchange says, THE travel on the
Brooklyn bridge has dropped of" Glad we
weren't going over at the time.
II shall take The cake" remarked a young
sman, who looked as though his allotted
peck Of dirt had held him down and spread
his mouth all over him. II hope it will be
cake of soap exclaimed bystander, fer
vently.
| An Iowa COW has only three lcge. She has
to kick twice 10 tumble over the granger and
the milk-pai too.
| New jersey Young man. who tackled
Professor Sullivan in a friendly bout, now
wears the belt. He wears it just over the
left eye, and feeds it on raw beef.
| lie wGs sccdy looking individual, but q
smile of hope anu triumph lighted up his
face, AS he stepped into the sanclum and
handed US dirty note, folded across the
middle. ''Read that he SAID. We opened
the paper, and read as follows Dear
Brother: Take the bearer and put him to
death Immediately We felt the blood re-
cedlng from our noble countcnancc, and our
hair slowly pushing the long-idl pen from
behind our ear. "Wha-what does this
mean?' we feebly ventured to inquire, lift.
ing our eyes to the exultant face. MY re-
fercnccs, sir replied the seedy individual
Il am FRESHMAN, from the journal estab.
lshment In Martinsville. The editor was
Kind enough to give me reference SIR"
"Great Heavens !" We cried-"cau YOU
read?' We handed him the note; he turmoil
first upside down, then cornerwse, then end.
wise, and handed it back. II used to read
when was younger and knowed more than
do now was his reply; "but as make the
thing out, it says-Take john Rones and
give him daisy job. He is fine fellow
We gazed with sickly puzzled grin at the
note and scratched our head. The fighting
editor was out. The local editor had taken
the dog down by the lake to get him into
fight ami harvest an item. We were alone.
The ducet breath Of John Rones was waited
to our nostrs; he looked ugly drunk-fght-
NJ drunk. 'Be them lines sufficient ?" ho
asked, drawing nearer. ''They are, John.
entirely SO. You may take this same note
to the foreman of the press-room, with our
endorsement, and tell him to treat you a.
recommended" The seedy individual bowed
and with rev. Ten minutes later there WAS
sound OF revelry by night, and we knew
That John Rones, press-man, aged a. hat
passed IN his checks and gone TO the lookup
y thunder storm is a heightened affair-
OH CITY Derrick.
1t is said over 100000 haddocks are
cured every year in England. Cured OF
deafness probably.-Ne,o Orleans Picayune
1t is said there are as good fish in the sea
as ever were caught, but it is extremely
doubtful If there are any nearly so good as
some that have been said to have been
caught. --BoSton Transcript
report is current that there is one church
in Bucks county that didn't hold straw
berry festival this year. 1t is not credited,
however. Few persons are prepared to be-
lieyc that religion is at such low ebb in that
w-abidng county. -N0rriso,en Herald