News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

in New York Saturday for S5. We don't
know who bought it, but he Is out just
81 on his mine.
A CONNECTICUT woman has invented
machine for counting money. Editors
have long felt the want of some such la
bor-saving machinery.
A SUNBURY girl, who married recently,
says her husband would soon bo
wealthy man if he would only work as
hard now as he did when he was making
love to her.
IT costs two thousand dollars to give
high-toned german i'll New York. The
Baltimore Nei0S thinks that when poor
people want to be in style they probably
give a low dutch.
A PITTsBURG firm have brought out
new masculine hat, which they have
christened the Jersey Lily" 1t
wouldn't be economy to invest in such
hat. 1t is too easily mashed"
IT is said that the natural beauties of
the Yellowstone Park are being defaced
and destroyed by visitors. This comes
of driving away the Indians, who were
in the habit of scalping desecrating tour
| lists.
AN old bachelor, leaving his boarding
house for a weeks journey, after taking
leave of his landlady. stepped up to
salt mackerel on the table, shook him by
the tail and said, " Good-by, old fellow;
I'll see you when | return"
IT's rather embarrassing for shop
keeper to be obliged to bluff tax asses
sor on the valuation OF his stock, and on
being burned out that night have to face
this same man as chairman of an under
writer's committee on valuation.
IT is said that the lady whom Secre-
tary Folger is to marry is worth $780,
900 in government bonds. Her other
name is not given; but we understand
why the Secretary wants to convert her
800, 900 into matrimonial bonds.-NOr-
riStOt0n Herald.
NEVER despise small things. The mos
quito that sings sweetly by your bed
side becomes power when it gets its
work in. The little tack that lies so
meekly ON the floor may turn in ali un-
guarded moment andmake you howl with
pain.
Two NARsEIbIAIs are cOngratulatlng
themselves upon their physical advan-
tages. 81, says one of them, 81 cannot
walk along the streets without all the
ladies turning their heads" II, replied
the other, ''am obliged to eat garlic to
prevent them throwing their arms about
my neck p
"YoU advertise that there is a fine
stream of water on the place, but | don't
see any," remarked a stranger, who
wanted to rent the place. The landlord
said: "Just work that pump little and
YOU will see a fine stream of water. You
don't expect to have Niagara Falls on
the place for fifteen dollars month, do
you?"
A KEEN student of human nature must
have written the following: "When you
see a young man sailing down street
shortly after midnight with collarmashed
down his neck, you can make up your
mind there's young girl crawling up
stairs not far distant, with her shoes un-
der her arm and an extinguished lamp in
her hands"
The shooting season has set in, and
the average boy begins to worry the life
out of his parents for gun, with which,
in all human probability, the boy will
either cripple himself or somebody else.
''Father," " said Johnny FizzletOp, 'can't
you spare money enough to get me
gun ?" "My son, when I can spare
boy I'll get you a gun"
He stood on the post-office corner, and
everybody knew him as a newly-married
man. He had q far-away look in his
eyes and bit of yarn ON each of the last
two fingers of his hand, and kept NUT
tering to himself, "Chopping-bowl, eggs,
cIothes-line-that's the thumb and the
first two fingers. Now, what did she
want on the other two fingers ?"
FORTUNATE ADoLPHUs: ''By Jove!
exclaimed Adolphus, stroking the capil-
larry suggestions ON his superior lip, "the
fellows say that mustache hides the
expression of fellows face and they're
all going to shave before taking part in
our theatricals.' "How fortunate !"
was the sympathetic reply of Julia,
''you won't have to shave, will you p
Boston Transcript
''Ir was Just too delightful, " exclaimed
the happy girl, as she came bounding
into her mothers presence with glowing
cheeks and sparkling eyes. 81 never
enjoyed a sleigh-ride so much IN all my
life" "But the air was so keen, Eliza,
[ hope you kept your muff to your face. "
L" Mother, " returned Eliza, turning upon
her venerable parent a pair of eyes that
were incapable of disse milling, 4" will
not deceive you! Charley's moustache
was warmer than the muff.
A SONG FOR THE BABY.
Put away the bauble and the bib,
Smooth out the pillows in the crib,
Softly on the down
Lay the babys crown.
Warm around its feet
Tuck the little sheet
Snug as a pea in pod.
With a yawn and a gap,
And dreamy little nap,
We will go, will so,
To the Landy-andy-pandy
OF Noddy-oddy-poddy
To the Landy-andy-pand
OF Noddy-pod
There in the shadow makers tent,
After the twilights soft descent,
Wen lie down to dreams
OF milk in flowing streams;
And the shadow makers baby
VIII lie down with us, may be,
On the soft, mossv pillow of the sod.
In a browse and a dOze,
All asleep from head to toes,
We will lie, we will lie,
In the Landy-andy-pandy
OF Noddy-Oddy-poddy.
In the Landy-andy-pand
OF NOddy-pod.
H. T. E. White, IN He Chicago Tribune.