Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1883-12-20
Bright Bits.

~
1t is the horse reporter that
wants to make an oat of every
thing.
Major L'Enfant drew the plan
of Washington, and the people
there are infants still; hard pull
ers; never been weaned.
When three-eyedD Dick remarked,
Now is the winter of u discon~
tent he probably longed for
some her.
The man who had both hands
in a haycutter knows what it is
to meet disaster on every hand.
A mole on the nose indicates
that a man will be a great travels
er probably to get out OF the way
of people who make personal re-
marks.
Mr.. Gladstone, it is said, dis
likes to put on a new suit OF
clothes. Well, it is annoying to
have every one you meet ask II 1t
has been wet yet.
The most absent-minded OF
men is the professor, who, when
he hears himself knocking the
ashes out of his pipe, will call OUT,
Come in
Scientists soy that the reason
kissing is so pleasant is because
the teeth, jaw bones and lips are
full of nerves, and, when the lips
meet, an electric current is gener-
ated.
"A young wife's greatest trial is
probably to find out whether 1t
would be proper to starch e
husbands shirt all over or only
the bosom and cuffs.
A Western editor had the 'wrl
ter's cramp,' not in hisfingers, out
in his jaws. While writing edi~
torials his mouth followed the
motion of the shears, and In THIS
way the trouble is brought about.
An exchange believes that exs
perience shows that a book agent,
if he understands his business, can
make more than ordinary wages.
He can. He can make a man hate
him worse than he hates the man
who tramps his pet corn. The
book agent can make lots besides
ordinary wages.
North Carolina's new code OF
law fixes the fee for a marriage
license at So. In very many cases
there are two souls with but a
single thought whose hearts will
have to beat for a year or SO
longer. Such an excessive tariff
am cunts to a virtual protection
the men of North Carolina.
Hint to walters by a Chicago
man: sNever bring anything hot
to a table. 1t might burn the
eaters mouth. Never give him a
napkin till he asks twice for it.
give him a check for the
amount. Always add ten or
fifteen cents. That will give him
a chance to quarrel with you and
you can sass him.
MY daughter said an uptown
mother to her youngest, a girl of
II, Il wish you would not make up
such faces every time anything or
displeases you; it isn't
nice or at eall pretty Mamma
pleaded the miss, would
you take away the only pleasure L
have?'
When Lord Coleridge visited the
New York Stock Exchange the
brokers sang, God save the
Queen.p His lordship might stay
over here 10000 years and he
never hear anybody sing
God save the Brokers'. The
Americans are q practical,
hard working people, who believe
that the age of miracles has gone
by.
Judge Story once told a friend
that the Justices of the Supreme
court were ~ascetics, and denied
themselves wine except in wet
Then, betbinking him.
self that his words were too se-
we're on human credulity, he
added: what 1 say about the
wine, sir, gives you u rule; but
it does sometimes happen that the
Chief Justice will say to me, when
the cloth is removed, Brother
Story, step to the window and see
if it does not look like rain And
if I tell him that the sun is shining
brightly. Judge Marshall will
sometimes reply: 'All the better,
for u Jurisdiction extends over
so large a territory that the docs
trine of chances makes it certain
that it must be raining some
where.'
what + you paying for pota-
toes nowF inquired a sharpeeyed
of a Front street grocer.
Well, about As cents I guess
You're satisfied with large profits
instead of small ones, eh?
must bring you at retail
about 80 cents on a dollar oh,
no; I'm willing to pay about 45
cents, and don't want to make
more'n 10 cents a bushel on 'em.'
lis that so? That makes 55 cents a
Say, you send three
bushels to my house this morning,
will youg Here's my address,
man, did you come here
to sell potatoesV No, stree; I came
here to buy potatoes, andI opened