The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1883-04-17
HIS PA AS AN oRANGEMAN.
He Gets Assaulted On st. Patrick's
Day and the Boy is Driven
From Home. rgf-H 81
Peck,s Snn.

From Home. '9f
"Say, willsyou do me favor ?" asked
The bad boy of the grocery man az he
sat down on the soap box and put his
wet boots Oh the stove.
"Well, yes" said the grocery man
hesita,ingly.: with ifeeling that he was
liable to be sold. "If you will help me.
to .catch the villains who hang up those
signs in front of my store,
will. What is it =
az want you to lick this stamp and
put it on this letter Ii is to my girl, and
| want 70 fool herr" and the hoy handea
over the letter and the stamp, and while
the grocery man was licking it and pnt-
ting it on the boy filed his pockets with
dried pesches out OF box.
"There, that's a small joh," said the
grocery man as he pressed the stamp on
the letter with his thumb. and handed i;
back "But how are you going to fool
her p s-s O 5-
"That's just business" said the boy as
be held the letter to his nose and smelled
of the stamp THAT will make her
tired. You see, time she gets a
letter from me she kisses the stamp, be
cause she thinks lickedit. Wien che
kisses this stamp and gets the fumes OF
plug tobacco. and stale beer, and lin
burg cheese, and moidy potatoes, 1t will
knock her down, and then she will ask
me what allied the stamp, and will tell
her got you to lick it, and then it will
make her sick and her parents will step
trading here o, it will parali za her.
Do you know you smell like glue fac
tory. Gosh! can smell you all over
the store Don'tyou smell anything that
smells spoiled ?" -
The groceryman thought he did smell
something that was rancid, and he looked
around the stove and finally kicked the
boys boot off the stove and said Its
your boots burning. Gracious! open
the door. Itsmels like hot box on a
caboose. Whsw! Ard there comes a
couple of my best lady customer y The
ladies came in and held their handker-
chiefs 10 their noses, and while they were
trailing the boy said, as though continu-
ing the conversation. .
"Yes, pa Gays that last oleamarginell
got here is nothing but axle grease. Why
don't you put your axle. grease in,a diff
ferent kind OF package The only way
ycu Gao tell axle grease from oleamar.
CINE is spreading it on pancakes. Pa
says axle grease will spread, but your
alleged butter just'rolls right up ami acAs
like lip salve or ointment, and is only fit
to use on sore"
Atthis point the ladies' went out of the
store iu disgust, without buying. anything,
and the grocery man took dried cod
fish by the tail and went up to the boy
and took him by the neck. "Golhsst
you, I've a notion to kill you You
have driven away more custom from this
store than your neck is worth. Now
you git!" and he struck the boy across
the back with the Goldfish.
THAT'S just the way with you all. !"
says the boy as he put bis sleeve up to
his eyes and pretended to cry, "when a
fellow is up in the world, there is hoth-
ing too good for bin, ut,when he gets
down you maui him with Goldfish.
Since pa droye me out of the house, and
told me to go work for liying,I haven't
bad kind word from anybody. My
chum's dog won't even follow me, and
when a fellow gets so low down that a
dog goes back ON him there is nothing
left for him to do but loaf around gro,
Gerry or sit on jury ,and | am too young
to sit on a jury. though know more
than some of the beats that lay around
the court to get on a jury. am going
to drown myself, and my death will be
laid to you. They will find evidences of
Goldfish on my clothes aud you will be ar
rested for driving me to suicides
grave. Goodbye. / forgive you" and
the hoy started for the door. So
"Hold on here,' said the gpcery man
feeling that he had been too harsh
"Come back here and have some maple
sugar. What did your pa drive you
away from home for. 7"
"Oh, it was on account Of st. Pa
rick's day." said the bad boy as he bill
off half pound of maple sugar and
dried his tears "You see pa never sees
ma buy new silk handkerchief but he
wants it. 'Tother day ma got one Of
these orange-colored handkerehiefs, and
pa Immediately had a sore throat and he
wanted to wear it, and ma let him put it
on. thought would break him of
taking everything nice that ma got, so
when be went down town with the''orange
handkerchief on bis neck, / told some of
the St. Patrick boys in the Third ward
who had green ribbons on, that the old
duffer who was putting on style was an
orangeman, and he said he could whip
any St. Patrck's day man in town. The
fellers laid for pa, aud when he came
along one OF them threw a barrel at pa,
and another pulled the yellow handker-
chief off his neck, and they all yelled
hang him. and Que grabbed rope that
was on the sidewalk where they were
moving a building and pa got up and
busted. You'd dide to see pa run. He
met policeman and said more'n hun
dred men had tried to murder him, and
they had mauled him and stolen his yell
low handkerchief. The policeman told
pa his life was not safe and he better 60
home and lock himself in, and he did,
and / was telling ma how got the coys
to scare pa, and he heard me, and he told
me that settled it. He said had caused
him to run more foot races than any
champion pedestrian, and had made his
life unbearable, and now / must 60 it
alone. Now ! want you to send couple
of pounds of crackers over to the house,
and have your boy tell the hired giil that
l have gone down to the river to drown
myself, and she will tell ma, and ma will
tell pa, and pretty soon you will see
bald headed, pussy man whooping it nr
toward the river with rope. They ma,
think, at times, that am little tough
but when il comes to parting forever
they weaken"
Are you BilliousP Try the. remedy
that cured Mrs Clement of Franklin, N
II. Hoods Sarsaparilla, made In Low