Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-04-21
WIT AND FUM0R.

body knows that. Ii S the people VINO
have to listen to the whistling that
get ugly.
1t may save country editors some
trouble. besides keeping them from
straining their scales, by announcing
that 100000 gold dollars weigh
4479 pounds
The Chicago critics who praised
the astounding agility displayed by a
ballet dancer didn't know that she
had accidentally dressed hornet
into her clothes.
The Chinese have no word to sig
Nifty egotism. When a Chinaman re
marks that he is greater than the sun
and ten times as large as the moon,
all any one says in reply is well.
now, who'd q thought it,"
Mr.. Beecher, in a late lecture said:
THE best lightning-rod for your own
protection is your own spine" Ii
Mr. Beecher thinks we are going to
set our spine on chimney, he's much
mistaken.
when will the editor be in?" said
the Office boy at a Colorado news
paper Office. well, l don't know,
Pm sure; not till they kind of quiet
down and quit watching to lynch him
for that editorial published yester-
day"
"How far is it to Clyde?" asked a
weary-looking tramp on the towpath,
of an urchin, the other day. mine
miles yet" replied the lad. "Are you
sure" WELL" said the sympathetic
youth, seeing you are pretty tired, l
will call it seven.'
"Pa, what is a lay preacher?' in
quired South Chicago boy one quiet
Sunday afternoon. "A lay preacher!
Why, my son, a lay preacher is "a
d; lay preacher is a man who
lays around and takes the regular
preachers. place and deals out a
strange, peculiar and conflicting
theology"
Next to the champion pedestrian,
the champion wrestler is the greatest
nuisance. Two of them generally
walk together, travelling from town
to town and challenging each other.
II they would only go out in an open
lot and wrestle themselves to death
unnoticed, the public would be quite
as well satisfied.
Yesterday a boy about sixteen
years old got tumble on q coalhole
and was evidently pretty badly hurt.
On getting up he swore Auently, and
a clergyman, passing, paused and
asked him why he discoursed so ir-
religiously, to which the lad replica
that he was too big to cry, and, by
hockey, he'd got to do something.
Plain oman-How shall you be
able to increase the attractiveness of
your face and person without the use
of cosmetics OF other artificial means
Easy enough; get invited on to
| Washington, and appear at one of
the receptions there. The papers of
the entire country will next day gloat
over your ravishing beauty.
A keen student of human nature
must have written the following:
when you see young man sailing
down the street shortly after mid
night, with his collar mashed down
his neck, you can make up your mind
there's young girl crawling up
stairs, not far distant, with her shoes
under her arm and an extinguished
lamp in her hands"
A supposed panther, which had
been roaming over good share of
Connecticut and Massachusetts for
three months. was trapped the other
night and proved to be dog without
grit enough to show his teeth at a
man with club. And the young
men who have been staying home
o'nights, remember now that the ami
NAL was generally seen by the fathers
of daughters.
The Colorado beetle commission
wants twenty-five thousand dollars
more to complete its reports. AS this
valuable and important commission
has already succeeded in perfecting
a plan by which the Colorado beetle
can be exterminated at a cost of
three dollars and twenty-five cents
per beetle, and is confident that it
can, il it has time and means, reduce
the cost to about a dollar and half,
we think they ought to have money.
Typographical errors are horrid
things, as rule. They frequently
create comedy of errors" Some
times they should be called "typo-
graphical terrors." The one we
record cannot be so called, however.
An old fellow died recently, and the
paper said he would Town many
thousand dollars when his estate had
been administered" Here the error
comes in and plays the deuce. The next
day the sons of the old man were
cultivated; the undertaken forced a
handsome coffin; half dozen minis