The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-11-16
On the Half-shell.

my White all der time saws TO me:
Carl Dunder, if you vhas to be kilt by
q butcher cart or ice wagon. or some
shteampoat pillow you oop on der river.
l vhas left NIT no money. Why doan'
you pc insured init Your lifeg
''Vhell, links about dot a good deal.
1t vhas my duty dot my White und Katie
doan go NIT der poor house if / can
help it, und tink it vhas pest to get
some insurance. spheak To my frendt,
Shon Places, about it, und Shon he
SAYS:
"'Of course you vhant insurance.
You shall come into my lodge of der
United Order. of Half-shells.. Dot vhas
an order which only costs ,ou one dol
lar year, und if you die your family
puts on sthyle NIT der ten tousand dol
lar in greenpacks. calls meeting
right AWAY NIT your saloon, und we
put you through like some strcaks of
creased lightning
"Vhell, goes home and tells der old
vhomsns und she says dot vhas o. X.
She doan' like to see mc die, but if
some SMALLPOX or yellow fever comes
to Detroit und takes me AWAY she likes
to hat long funeral procession und
build me gravc-stone which reads dot
Carl Dunder vhas u root husband, 4
kind ladder, und dot he has gone to
Heaven only leedlc While pcforc he
vhas ready. | shpeak to my daughter
Katie und she sheds some tears und
dells me dot she looks rs cute as an
angel in some mourning gioze for me.
So it vhas all right ind | sweep out my
saloon und about twenty men come in
dot eafnings to make me Half-shell.
''Oxcuse me if vhas mad ind use
some words like u pirate. My frendt,
Shon Places, vhas dere nit red cap
on his head und voice so solemn dot
feels shills go up my pack. He calls
der meetings to order und says l like to
shoin und become Half-shcll.
"'Does he like peer?' asks some mans
in der CORNER.
"'He does. said Shon Places.
@ Und so DO wei yells all der meet
ing, ind Shon says vhas to come down
NIT ter peer. Dot was nineteen glasses.
''Dcn Shon Places he reads from i
pook NIT plue cover, dot man vhas
dying cherry day so fast dot you can't
count 'em, or Something's like dot, und
he calls oudt:
What shall. save dis man?'
''Und eaferybody yells lager peer!'
Dot means / set him oop again, und
dot vhas nineteen glasses more! Den
two men take me upd WALK me all
arOundt, und ShOn Places he cries
out:
1--WE vhas here to-day und rome to-
morrow! In der midnight, when eaf-
erybody vhas aslileep, tief comes und
shtcals our life away! What keeps dot
lief afar OFF,
"Und eaferybody groans out like he
vhas dying! Cool lsger!' Dot means I
vhas TO set 'em oOp again, und dot vhas
nineteen glasses more. Don Shon
Places he leads me twice aroundt und
says:
"'Cari Dunder, you links You vhas
made q Half-shell already. but YOU vas
mistaken. Put oudt your left hand!
Dot vas gOot. Now, my frendt, What
vas der foundation stone of liberty,
equality und brptcctOne'
= "Und eaferypody lifts oop his voice
und groans Oudt: All der lager n man
vhantsr Dat means I vhas to tap u
fresh keg; und 1 pelieve dot crowd
drinks more rs forty glasses. I doan
like it so previous ike. didt. but nv
frcndt ShOn Places tells me to lie down
on der table on my pack, und shut nv
eyes. When vhas In position he hit
me tree dimes init his fist in der
stomach, und CRIES oudt:
when he vhas alife hc vhas kind
nit der poor; when he yhas ieadt we
forget his faults! Brudders, what vhas
der great principle dot leads TO charity
and pcnevolcnce2'
.'Und eafcrybody shumps to his feet.
und yclls Oudt: Some more lager und
cigars' Well. set 'em oop once
more, und den l vhas SO madt dot take
my Club und clean dot crowd oudt NIT
der street pellet no vhas u fraud on
me. pellet dot Shon Places tells all
der poys, 'uhd 1t vhas put up shob.
lose my peer ind cigars. uud somebody
carries OFF mare ash ten bottles OF WHISKY
When the good people of Georgia get
very much Interested in a ''nigger
hunt they sometimes make sad mis-
takes. A colored man broke into n
smoke house at Montezuma and started
10 ran with couple Of nice hams. The
shotgun brigade was close on his heels,
but II missed him. Finally darby
was spied in the distance and = voiley
was tired NJ him. On investigation it
was found that the wrong man had
becu nit. The wounds wers pAjsfnl,