Omaha daily bee., 1883-02-27
CHURCHES.
The Brakeman's Graphic Description
OF Protestant Denominations.

- AAStSctuAS
Burlington Haweys.
On the road once more, with
Lebanon fading away In the distance,
the fat passenger drumming idly on
the window-pane, the cross passenger
sound asleep, and the tall, thin pas.
senger reading. To me comes the
brakeman, and, seating himself on the
arm of the seat, says:
81 went to church yesterday"
eyes," I said, With that interested
infection that asks for more. "And
what church did you attend9 Some
Union Mission church,
"Now, L don't like to run on such
branch. roads. very much. I don't
often 60 to church, and when I do I
want to run on the main line, where
your run is regular, and you 60 on
schedule time"
"Episcopal2" I guessed.
"Limited expressed" he said, call
palace cars, and 50 extra for a seat;
fast time, and only stop at the big
stations. All train men In uniform,
conductors punch and lantern silver.
mounted, and no train boys allowed.
Then the passengers are allowed to
talk back at the conductor, and 1t
makes them too free and easy. No, I
couldn't stand the palace cars"
"Universallat2" I suggested.
BROAD gauge" said the brakeman;
"does too much complimentary busi-
moss. Everybody travels on q pass.
Conductor doesn't get q fare once In
fifty miles. Stops at all flag stations,
and won't run Into anything but q
union depot. No smoking car on the
train. Train orders are vague,
though, and tho train men don't ct
along we'll with the passengers. No,
I don't go to the Universalist, though
I know some awfully good men who
run on that road"
"Presbyterian9" I asked.
marrow gauge, eh2" said the brake.
man, "pretty track, straight as rule;
tunnel right through q mountain
rather than 60 around it; spirit-level
grade; passengers have to show their
tickets before they get on the train.
Mighty strict road, but the cars are Q
little narrow; have to sit enc In a seat,
and no room In the aisle to dance.
Then there's nc stop over tickets al.
lowed; got to 60 straight through fol
the station you're tioketed for, anc
you can't get on at all. When the
cars full, no extra coaches; cars bull
at the shops to hold just 60 many, ant
nobody else allowed on. But yor
don't often hear of an accident OF
that road. It's run right up to th'
rules"
"Maybe you joined the free think
ers," I said.
"Sorub road said the brakeman
"dirt roadbed and no ballast; no tim
card and no train dispatcher. Al
trains run wild and every engineer
makes his own time, just as b
pleases. Smoke il you want TO; kim
of go-aH-you-please road. Too man.
side-tracks, and every switch wild
open all tho time, with the switchmal
sound asleep and the target lamp deat
out. Get on as you please and GO
off when you want to. Don't hav,
to show your tickets, and the con
duotor isn't expected 70 do anything
but amuse the passengers. No, sir,
was offered q pass, but l don't like tn
line. I don't like to travel on Q roae
that has no terminus. Do you know
sir, I asked q division superintendent
where the road run to, and he said b
hoped to die If he knew. Iasked hin
If the general superintendent coul'
tell me, and he didn't believe they ha,
q general superintendent, and if the,
! had he didn't know any more abou
the road than the passengers. aske'
him whom he reported to, and he sal
nobody. / asked q conductor whom
he got his orders from, and he said h
didn't take orders from living man o
dead ghost. And when I asked tn
engineer whom he got his orders from
he said he'd like to see anybody CIV
him orders; he'd run that train to sui
himself or he'd run 1t into the ditch
? Now, you see, sir, I'm a railroad mar
and l don't care to run on q road this
: has no time, makes. no connections
{ runs nowhere and has no su~perinteu
dent. 1t may be all right, but "
been a railrosder too long to undi
r stand It,"
"Did you Try the Methodist"
( said.
snow you're shouting" he said
( with some enthusiasm. "Nice roaS
o eh2 Fast time and plenty of passer
Q gers. Engines carry a power of steam
g and don't you forget 1t; steam gaug
Q shows a hundred and enough all th
!, time. Lively road; when the condu
a tor shouts all aboard you can he,
him to the next station. Every trial
Q lamp shines like q headlight. Stol
over checks given on all ShrouQ
tickets; passengers car drop off Il
train as often as they like, do the at
ton two or three days and hop on Il
next revival train that comes thunde
Ia ling along. Good, whole'souled, cor