Daily Republican., 1883-05-17
His Pa Hirea . Goat for . Wei

His Pa Hires . Goat for . Wei
Nurse.
"Wcll, how Is the baby ?" asked the
grocery man Of the bad boy, as he came
in and sat down on the chair with the
back gone, and looked very tired.
80, darn the baby. Everybody asks
me about the baby as though 1t WAS
mine. ] don't pay no attention to the
thing except to notice the foolishness
going on around the house. Say,
guess that baby will grow upto be a
iire-engine. The nurse coupled the
baby to section OF rubber hose thai
runs down into bottle OF milk, and it
began to get up steam, and pretty soon
the milk began to disappear, just liks
the water does when tire-engine
couples on to a hydrant Pa calls the
baby 'Old No.2.
u ! am No. l. and if pa had hook
and ladder truck, and hose cart, and
n fire gong, he would imagine he was
chief engineer Of the fire department.
But the baby kicks on this milk wa.
gon, and howls like dog that's got
lost. The doctor told pa that the best
thing he could do was to get a goat,
but pa said since we 'nishiared him in
to the Masons with the goat he wouldn't
have a goat around nc how. The doc
told pa the other kind of a goat, think
il WAS Samantha goat he said,
wouldn't kick with its head and pa
sent me up into the Polack settlement
to see If ! couldn't borrow a milk
goat for few weeks. l got woman
to lend me her goat and paid dollar
in advance, and pa went up in the even
ing to help me get the goat. Well, it
was the darndest mistake you ever
saw. There was two goats so near
alike You couldn't tell which was the
chnm Of our goat, but it belonged to an
Irish woman. We got bed cord hitch
ed around the Irish goat, and when we
tried to jerk italong it rarsl right up,
and made things quick for pa.
If there were any places on pas
manly form that the goat didn't ex-
pIore with his head, pa don't know
where the places are o, it lammed
him lively, and when | LATED pa got
mad. told him every man ought to
furnish his own goats when he had
a baby, and let 90 of the rope and
started OFT, tor saw the Irish woman
that owned the goat coming around the
corner of the house with cistern pole.
just az pa was getting the goat out
of the gate .e goat got crossways of
the gate, and pa yankcd, and doubled
the goat right up, and thought he had
broke the goats neck, and the woman
thought so too. for she ,jabbed pa with |
the ris,srn pole jus; below the belt, and
she tried to get "A hold on pas hair, but
he had her there"
No woman can get advantage Of pa |
that way, cause ma has tried il. Well. |
pa explained il 10 the woman, and she
let pa off if he would pay her two dol
lars for damages to the goat, and he
paid it and then We took the nanny
goat, and it went right along with us.
But ! got my opinion Of baby that
Will drink goats milk. Gracious. it is
like stuff that comes in a aspoiled cocoa
nut. The baby hain't done nothing but
tlate since the nurse coupled it into
he goat hydrant. had 10 take all my
out Of the basement to keep
he goat from eating them. guess
Ii" milk will taste Of powder and slng-
At hair now,
" The goat got TO eating some Roman
'aLdlc. that me and my chum had laid
way in the coal bin, and chtwed them
round the furnace, and the powder
sakrd ont and a coal fell out Of the fur
,ace of the hearth, and you would IA
lied to see pa and the hired girl and
he goat You see, pa cant milk moth
hiii nd h.. nt |
iircd girl 10 milk the goat, and they
we're Just hunting around the basement
or til" goat, with Tin cup, wlnn the
r" works went Of There was balls Of
r"'n and red and blue fire, and spilled
'"w'ler hlazcd up, and the goat just
vokra astonishel, and looked on as
!ough il was sorry so much good tol
=" wa, wasted but when It's hair be-
an to burn, tie goat gave one snort and
vent between pa and the hired girl like
was shot ont of a cannon, and il sent
"a over a wash-boilcr into III. coal bin,
nd the hired girl in amongst the kind ,
ng wood, and she crossed herself and
rpcateh the catekiSm, and the goat
nmped on top Of the furnace and shook
is head sassy ami lpaw~l and they
Oliuil eH IL uO~n. II
"l heard the celebration and went j.,
own and took pa by the pants and
ullL him out of the coal bin, and he
aid he would surrender and plead =.
uilty. pulled the kindling wood off :
ne hired girl, and then she got mad, :,
nd said she would milk that goat or
ie. q, that girl has got sand She
s'rl to work in Il glass factory. Well, i,
r, it was a sight worth txo shillings y
omission to see that hired girl get up +
n a step ladder to milk that goat on =
~ of the brick furnace, with pa sit :
ns on a barrel of POTATOES, bossing the T.
'h. Pa has got to grow new lot Of =
air on that goat, or the woman won't :,
Ike it back. She don't want no bald ;,
rat. Well, they can run the baby and ',
'at 10 suit themselves, cause have -
signed. Say, can't you come over y,
nj see the baby 'Tainr biggcr'n a i;
nall satchrl, aud the boy waited till !,
e grocery man went to draw some -
ne.ar, when he slipped ont and put ~
} 4 sign written on Il ShnSlc with y
lltr ChaIk yellow sand wanted :,
+ maple sugar. ;, =,
Married In Two Minutes. y,
One of the quickest and most roman n