National Republican., 1883-12-29
AN UNonrHopox DUDE.
How in n ListIess way He Surprised the
New York "Toughs."

The Aroondm.
Three aggressive young men sat on the for
ward end of Third avenue elevated rail way
cur one day last week and made audible COM
ments about the other passengers They
were untidily clad, guiltless Of collars, and
noticeably addicted to tobacco, but they were
endowed with certain amount of assurance
that enabled them to discuss the personal
points of other people with entire candor and
fearlessness
They were flushed with beer.
One of them leaned over with his elbows
on his knees, another's hands were buried
deep in his trousers pockets and third had
his arms and head out of the window most
of the way. They were sitting thus when
the car stopped at Chatham square on its way
to the city hall.
A dude was gently waited in. The passen-
gers glanced at the dude with an air of help
less wonderment, or gazed upon him with the
vague interest that an enigma always in
spires. He was purely placid dude. The
serenity of his expression was unmarried by
even so much as passing thought. Above a
cruelty high collar appeared the face; sur
mounting 1t, a high hat, with generously
curved rim and bell-shaped crown. The feet
Of the dude were squeezed into shoes that
looked like swollen toothpicks, and the
tightness Of his trousers inspired the beholder
with a quiyoring distrust Around the tow
erinE collar was mild tic about the size of a
shoestrng. aud light colored coat was but
toned closely about the neck lie carried a
y air Of gloves and n ver-headed cane, and
his hat was worn on the back of his head.
disclosing a short bang OF straw colored hair.
His light moustache had been carefully nur-
tured, but il was of diappointing growth.
The dude sank languidly to rest opposite
the three young men. His eyes passed list
lessly over them, and then he fell to sucking
n,.I - T. ta xnf.t In ta nd
blank and mournful.
The three young mon stared at tho dude
for some time, and then one of them yelled {:
All, there, Bartholomew! Who united You?
Amt you ashamed, you coy thing, to wear
such tight pants" :"
The dude raised his eyes, and stared tran
gully at the three young men and then care
lessly dropped them again.
Don't you look at me, sauce-box, or I'll
slap you roal hard, so theroW minced an
other of the young men.
The third one had meanwhile been glaring
at the dude with immense dislike.
"Say, what good are youY he asked at
last, with an expression Of supreme contempt,
"Who feeds yer? III come over there and
stick n pin in yer lung an kill yer dead, d'y'
hear ?"
Once more tho dude raised his eyes tran
gully, and fixed them on tho eyes of the last
speaker, who'was now leaning forward and
peering at him with an ugly soowl.
Don't you look at me, ye mutton-faced
idiot" continued the belligerent (one, half
rising in his seat. O. I'm man, ! am an i
don't allow no whte.livered Gussie to squint
at me-"
Still tho dudes eyes looked steadily into
those of tho loud-mouthed bully, whflo the
dude sucked the end of his cane, Tho rough
one rose slowly, with his head thrust forward
and his eyes half closed. and moved toward
the languid dude.
Don't touch tho poor thing, Mickey
you'll kill it if you do" said one Of tho trio.
Ii amt alive, 1t amt pOssble.'
by this time tho passengers were leaning
forward, and cries of sit down an let him
alone !" were addressed to the bully, who was
derding the dude. The latter still sucked
the end of his cane languidly. The bully
rose and stepped toward tho dude with
olonched fists, but before he could strike, tho
dude had dropped his cane, aud was standing
squarely in front of the bully.
In an instant the two stood face to face,
and then the dude made a foint with his !, ft
hand, the bully threw up both hands to ward
of tho expected blow, and caught right
handler ON the jaw that sent him sprawling
over backward In the car, Quick ms a flash
the dude turned, and selzing the more oiien-
sive OF the two others by the throat as he sat
IN his seat, he deliberately jammed his head
back against the ear, aud slapped his faoe on
either side, as he calmly said
" You just awsked liza dude was possible
(bang). All things are possible. a dude is a
thing (bang, bangi. : therefore, dude is
possible bang, bun.
Then the dude ,'ttiol to the pressure of
thu ngRcemakrn, u walked gracefully out
uroii the PLATFORM ui he city all station,
leaked him Nitenliycly ~ he lace, and
was suddenly kuupked speeehles, by tho dis
covery that he was not dude at all, but a
neiarious imitation Ha is the best known