The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-11-14
The Daily Bulletin.
WIT AND HUMOR.

without murmur.
Oscar Wilde is letting his hair grow
again. He was contemplating matrimo-
ny when he cut it oil.
At the White Mountains the girls all
comb their hair back from the forehead.
That is why it is called a bang-up place.
A Kansas town has legislated against
the goat as ruthless destroyer" a
terror and Course"
A Brooklyn girl, whose lover sent her
$4,000 kisses has just learned that he has
wife and two children.
The Long Fell Want is the name of
newspaper in Oregon. In the editors
case it is money.
Kingsville, Canada, reports shower
of bugs. Some of the neighbors clean
ing house, probably.
John L. Sullivan objects to the term
"slugger," as applied to him, and the
newspapers of the eflete east are pub
fishing retractions and apologies.
The editor of the Hempville, Tex,
Reporter gives as an excuse for issuing
only half sheet, that he got lost in
the woods" He promises TO stay at
home hereafter and attend to business.
Acontinued story in an amateur jour
nal opens as follows: "Will YOU tell me
where my collar button is9' Never. "
Then you must die. '-New York Jour
nal
Country maidens are now holding
guessing matches. They sit out in the
garden and guess whether its potato
bug or an army worm that's crawling
down their back. log Cabin.
Pater; We'll, my boy, and how do
you like college? Alma Mater has turned
out some good men-' Young Hope
full: "Ya-as shes turned me QUIT He
had been expelled.
The christening of an infant Arch.
duchess of Austria occurred lately.
This fact came by cable. The name of
the royal infant will be sent over by
steamer as soon as the royal secretaries
get it copied.
When one who reads poetry has care.
fully examined the exaggerative hyper
bolism and overstretched facts of poets
in general, he does not wonder that the
Tyre is the symbolic instrument of the
Muse.
There is nothing SO strong as habit
1t is told of a physician, who always de,
manded payment on the spot, that he
was so particular that, when heprescrib-
ed for himself, he used to take a guinea
out Of one pocket and put it in another
A Beaumont, Tex, paper says that at
a recent immersion in that place
young darky was so much astonished at
the ducking given him by the preacher
that he had to be put under water
second time and his head driven into
the sand before he would stop swearing.
A Pennsylvania lady 90 years of age
milks, washes and bakes for family of
three persons, A great deal can be got.
ten out Of old people if they are proper.
" managed Young people do not get
half enough rest.-LonisriHe Courier.
JJHTIG.
Mr. Ruskin says: What was beaut.
ful Yesterday is beautiful to-day Mr.
Ruskin evidently never looked at his
wife's beautiful new dress the day after
she attended a big party at which the
walters had an idea that the soup was
too thick to spill.
Our colored brethren are holding 8
camp-meeting not far away, and one Of
them, holding forth from the text, How
old art thou?" said in the opening,
Brethren, this am question that must
be answered in the affirmative. Chris.
tan al Work.
when Dame Fortune wants a man
she calls for him, says a philosopher.
Very often she finds him not at home.
Frequently he is down in a grog-shop
saying how lucky some men are, and
complaining that everything seems dead
against him.
Rebecca Jane Bennett, Abram Schenck
and clergyman who was performing
the marriage ceremony for them, stood
very close to one another, and when
Schneck, who is blind, heard the
final words, he kissed the Clergyman in
stead Of Rebecca Jane.
A Chinaman in Queensland had to
give evidence in court and was asked
how he would be sworn. His reply was
ME no care; Clack i'm saucer, kill i'm
cock, blow out i'm matchee, smell i'm
book, ale same He was allowed to
smell i'm book. "
Sweet little Meg came into her Sun
day-schOol class one morning, her eyes
filled with tears, and looking up into
her teachers face, said: "Our dogs
dead, and guess the angels were real
scared when they saw him coming up
the path, for he 5 awfully cross 70 stran-
gers.
What influence has the moon onthe
tide?' asked the teacher, and it was the
very bad boy who responded that it
didn't seem to have any particular eff
feet on the tide, but he had observed
that it seemed to have considerable in
iluence in getting them tied. OIL city
Blizzard
A heavy rain came as a Coney
Island party was in swimming, and
several rushed for the bathing houses
for fear Of getting wet. Thompson's
colt didn't know enough to come in when
1t rained; but these were another kind
OF fools-NeW York Commercial Aduer-
bSer