Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-06-15
HUMOROUS DRIFT.

point.
Two heads are better than one on
a copper at a toss penny when it is
your toss.
| An Erie woman has robbed hair
store. Like a pistol she went off with
a bang
Now is the time to get up a corner
III coal. The corner should be in the
parlor CRATE.
| Oyster beds are always covered by
a flowing sea; of course, the wet
sheet is understood.
When a convict's watch runs down,
il does not necessarily follow that
his time has expired.
No. Charley, 1 shall not join the
L. o. o. f. this season, am too much
occupied with the /. o. US.
The first Florida shad of the sea-
son sold for S. The buyer wanted
him to start bone yard with.
Tom Thumb tried to knock down a
Chicago hackman, and was mad be-
cause the man didn't know it.
Even the festive cockroach is to be
protected" duty of ten cents q
box having been put on borax.
Bayard Taylor called snowfakes
the wild white-bees of winter"
When they swarm, it is stinging cold
A little child of seven or eight said
that when the Bible speaks of "chil-
dren's children" it must mean dolls.
| There are people malicious enough
, to say that the rest which Jay Gould
wants is the rest of the railroads.
A Bowery music teacher says that
he has taught 1,5OO boys to play the
violin in five years. Poor cats!
Why are squashes and girls alikes
Because they both have to be mashed
before they can press your lips.
When your dog goes three times
around, like gallant ship, before
lying down, he is locking for the
bolster
One Waterbury man is 80 religious
that he sent back the present of q
calendar because it omitted the Sun
days.
There are two tides to a question.
Often tramp is on one side and
man with pockp ptful of money on the
other
A writer, in l1arper's, commences
a poem with tt g line, "Some day
shall be dead 1t is, indeed, beau
tiful thought.
Correspondents of the New York
SIN are discussing the question "Can
man marry on $40 a week?" He
cannot, if tn, girl is aware of the
amount of his income.
The newspapers often print the
''last words of men, but never those
of women. The latter would take up
too much loom, and crowd oft all
the ADVERT sements.
30, my poor heart! My heart is
breakingr walled a girl. Ard yet
the doctor who was called in pre-
scribed lime water. and told her she
had better leave off eating fried pork
for few days.
A man always looks through his
pockets four times before handing
his coat to his wife to have button
sewed on, and even then he is filed
with nameless fear until the job is
completed.
'And this is married lifew exclaimed
an indignant wife, as her husband
reeled into the room and tried to sit
down on the door-knob. "Shert'nly,
m dear-shert'nly Marriage is only
a lot O ryew
"You wouldn't take me for a mar
riedman. would you?" asked student
of Courtland girl last Sunday
night. II rather think I would if you
should ask me-" was the response.
He bought a ring next day.
A nice fellow: Mice fellow" she
exclaimed; ''well, I should think he
was! Why, he don't do any business;
he belongs to three clubs, has $50. 600
year, is divorced from his wife, and
has led about thirty Germans this
season."
The maiden's point of view: Nam
ma Ito Maud, who has been with her
brother to the play and is full of it)
-"But was there NO love in the piece,
then?" Maud-"Love? Oh, dear, no,
mamma. How could there BET The
principal characters were husband
and wife. you knowr'
On the boulevard. after long
separation: whats new with you!"
Nothing; always bachelor; and
you" "Oh, I'm married" Good
match?" "A widow, still young, but
with two children" "That is regret
able, my dear. Children, you know,
are like toothpicks; each wants his
ownw
"If your boarding house should
take fire at night what would you do
to get the people out?" asked the
Fire Marshal of an experienced
matron. 20, there would be no
trouble about that" was the reply;
Il would just ring the breakfast
bell, and all the boarders would be in
the dining room in three minutes"
A little Austin boy became con-
fused, and got his catechism mixed
up with his lessons. for when he was
asked what the school was, he re-
piled: 1T is the place where the
wicked are punished everlastingly by
Satan" The teacher thought the
reference to Satan was personal in its
character, and the poor boy was soon
able, from actual personal experience,
to testify to the correctness of the
definition.
In response to an inquiry for court
plaster, the other day, Detroit
druggist handed out a piece about
six inches square, and asked the boy
if he thought that would do. Il
dunno was the doubtful reply. "Who
is it for?' For father" "Didn't he
say how large piece" mo, but I
know that isn't half large enough.
Ma hit him with the whole side of
the washboard at once, and that won't
begin to cover the clip"