Connecticut western news., 1883-09-05
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
 OVER THIS WEEK.
1t Might Have Been-A Little Worrying Conundr"ms-Neslect His Family-A Good Many of Them.
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.

 in the exchange room.
 Certainly, sir; take a seat; the ex- change editor will be in soon."
 'sI am the editor of the Register. I regard the Herald as the best paper in my exchange list"
 "Yes? Well, we all deem the Regis ter the best paper in Iowa. Indeed, we all stand at the door when Albert brings the mail and grab for the Ballville Reg aster. It is full of ideas, and we get subjects for editorials and special articles by the yard from it. We couldn't get along without the Register.
 Journalistic courtesy of this kind is duefrom one editor to another. Pres ently the exchange editor came in.
 "May see the Ballville Register %
 Certainly. You'll find it in the waste basket" Violent gesticulations from the courtesy editor. "That Register is the very poorest paper that sneaks into this ofice." continued the exchange man, amid shower of desperate gesticula- tions and vain ''ahems." "I never saw a copy of the Register that had an idea in it as big as an O with the rim knocked of. I always pitch the blamed thing the wrapper. I don't know what they keep sending it here for." The editor of the courtesy department vainly threw his shoulders out of joint and then left the room. When he came l back the Iowa editor was gone. s'sSay, that was the editor of the Register." The exchange editor jumped into the waste basket and pulled the lid down. Chicago Herald.
 WHY HE GRowLED. | Everybody had been abusing the poor old conductor because his train was four hours behind time, and the man was nearly worn out explaining that it was not his fault.
 "It's a shame" exclaimed an aged gentleman, at length. Conductor, if any one else finds fault with you, you can call me as witness that you did the best you could"
 ''Thanks," murmured the conductor brighteniAg up at the prospect of one friend on the train.
 "Ithink we are getting on fast enough, continued the old gentleman, turning te the most obstreperous of the passengers
 "Yon travel op a pass, don't you ? growled the passenger.
 "I do, replied the old gentleman.
 "Good| for sixty days, isn't it?' sneered the passengerNagain.
 "It is," responded the old gentleman
 "No wonder you are \in no hurry, grumbled the other man. "I have only got trip ticket that expires in thirty days, and I haven't any mopey for an other if we don't get there before my ticket runs out. That's all. TraveL ers' Magazine.
 THE AMERICAN. He is Colonel or Judge,
 Or, perhaps, ILL. D.,
 Or Major or General, he,
 And when he's no higher
 They call him Esquire, |
 zss -LcuisUiLLe Journal.
 NOTHING TO WORRY OVER.
 A horse belonging to colored man and attached to an ash wagon, was stand ing at the corner of Woodward avenue and John R. street yesterday, when h, suddenly lurched forward and fell over A crowd collected, and the owner cam, hurfying up.
 Various opinions were expressed as tt what ailed the equine, and the owne finally appealed to citizen to tell hin what he thought.
 "Why, it seems to me to be plail case of poll-evil, pink-eye, string-halt glanders, botts, and the epizootic," wa the reply.
 ''Tbanks. Dat takes powerful bur den off de ole mans mind. Do yol :, know dat when fust cum runnin up an ksaw de ole hoss lyin' dar' wid his eye closed and his legs all twisted up made up my mind dat sometin' sorter seriou had cotched on. I'll walk him hom, an gin him leetle saleratus water t, brace him up. Glad you was heah, sah 'cause I'd have bin worried. ."-Detroi Free Press.
 GOOD MANY OF THEM. |, A certain hotel on Long Island has long been famous for its superior din ners, the proprietor being an eNcellen caterer. He is also fine sportsman and during the shooting season the hote is allowed to run itself. Of late years he has become quite deaf, and this af fiction was the occasion of funny in cident.
 He had shot quite nrmber of goldel plover, and was in his office stroking thu birds and arranging the feathers pre- paratory to sending them as 8 presen to worthy friend. While thus occu pied @ certain doctor arrived by tht stage from the train, and stepping into the office, thus interviewed the proprie | tor of the hotel:
 "Can I get room ?'' ''Fine birds," said the hotel man, in l tent on his employment. "Can I get a room ?" inquired thu would-be guest.
 } "Golden blower they're called-goldel l plover, was the reply.N l "Well you must be copfounded fool !! = said the now impatient doctor. "Yes; good many of them about her l now-good many of them about her t now P was the prompt and rathey start { ling reply.
 5 Thn dnofna. stcrnanlf a nninon shv fhi