Connecticut western news., 1883-04-04
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
LECTURE ON SENTIMENT. Brother Gardner introduces n Friend from
 Mississippi.
From the Detroit Free Press. l

|
 From the Detroit Free Press.
 "I wish to displain," said Brother Gardner as he adjusted his spectacles and brushed up his front hair, "I wish to displain dat de Hon. Higginbottom | Lawless, of Kosciusko, Miss, am pres ent in de aunty room an burnin' to de fiber his celebrated address on 'Senti- ment. He arrove heah three or four days ago, an has finished my las bari of apples. worn my Sunday coat right along, an will be a dead head on me till he kin spoke dis piece an cotch mixed freight train gwine to Toledo. De com mittee will escort him, an if dat water pail am upsot or any lamps knocked down doorin' his delibery de guilty wretch or wretches will receive lesson dat will remain solid for a hundred y'ars."
 The Hon. Lawless appeared with a pair of red mittens in one hand and a lemon in the other, and such was his placidity of mind that when he bit into one of the mittens in place of the lemon, he never even changed color. He sized up five feet and six inches, intelligent expression, head cast in the shape of a pear and feet large enough to trample an onion bed out of sight. He mounted the platform like steer climbing side hill, bowed right and left in response to the applause, and quietly began
 "My frens, cannot dispress de pleas ure an gratifcashun which l feel to fin myself standin' heah under de sacred shingles of Paradise Hall-a structure whose name am household word whar- eber de English language greets de ear. Applause. I would rather stan heah dan to be buried under $10,O00 monu, ment. [Cheers.
 ''De subjick ob my address am Senti' ment. What am sentiment? Whar' dc we git it, an what am it worf by de pound when de market am not ober- stockedp I answer dat sentiment am 8 sort O 'lasses an mush surroundin' de heart. In some cases it hardens up an turns to stun while in odders it thins out until de heart fairly floats in pond O sweetness. Applause. Sentiment has considerabul to do wid ebery ackshun in our eberyday life. It am bizness when you start out to borry pan of flour or a basket ob taters. It am sentiment dat causes a naybur to lend, instead of de- mandin' spot cash. Wild applause from Judge Cadaver.
 "Bizness acktuates de lazy an de shift less to-sot out an beg cold vittles an old clothes an dimes an quarters. Senti- ment acktuates women to shed tears ober 'em an stock ;em up wid huff to loaf on fur another month. When we have kickin' hoss our sentiment am 'pealed to. We argy dat de safety ot our loved ones requires us to trade dat anamile off to some preacher who wants perfekly reliable hoss. Oats one kind of sentiment. When we buy an excur- shun ticket to Niagara Falls, an reach de grand cataract arter 8 thirty hours sweat on cattle cars, de immense waste of water 'peals to anodder sort O senti. ment. When we luv we reveal another phase of sentiment. If de gal am high toned an rich de sen timent am all solid If she am only aiverage, an in debt full her las corset, de sentiment am purity thin an won't last longer dan de first bil fur meat comes in. Cries of, "Yol bet."1
 My frens, sentiment writes poetr, wid one hand an tans de backs of d, chill'en wid de odder. It guides ou thoughts to friends ober de sea, an send old clothes to relashuns in Wisconsin It makes us shed tears fur de dead, an yit warns us to cut de undertakers bi] down twenty per cent.
 Sentiment tells us to luv our fellow men, au' yit whispers to us to lock ou .doahs an place torpedoes in our hen roosts. Groans.
 'tI have been lookin' into de matte fur de las forty eight y'ars, an I ha cum to de conclushun dat it was wis thing to purvide de human race wi sentiment If it had bin left out by an accident in de mixin' de bes' man anon us wouldn't have got a bid if put up aueshun along wid a lot of fence-post
 I could talk to you fur three straigl
 weeks on dis subjeck, but obsarvin' d;
 my half hour am up I will chop off rigl heah an hope dat it may be my pleasu1 at some fucher day to meet you agi1 Any pusson who wants his fortune tol will find me in de aunty-room fur ( l nex' two hours.' Cheers and yells.