The Russellville Democrat. [volume] (Russellville, Ark.) 1875-1898, 1883-04-12
HUMOROUS.

HAS any one found out how much
waterways.
Question in Natural History What
does catamount TOP
---Aminadab says the balance of trade
is generally some two ounces short.
An exchange thinks that when a
man cuts his throat new term should be
employed in place of 'from ear to ear. I"
How would from the knee to the
elbow do9 That would be a change.
Julia. my little cherub when does
Your sister Emma retirn" Julia: Il
don't enow.n "Didn't she say any.
thing before she went awayp" Julia
She SD d. if you came to see her, tina.
she d be gone till doomsday."
WHAT impudence! exclaimed
Mrs. Shoddy. Here is man applying
by letter for n situation as coachman,
who signs himself Your obedient SER
want, and have not even thought OF
hiring him yet - Phiiadeiphia News.
Where chap gets ahead of old
Father Time is when he dreams. He
can dream of going to England and
fooling around for year and returning
home again in ten seconds 1t also
saves expenses. Detroit Free Press
MIR. j. j. II. Gregory says that an
acre Of land may contain six tons OF
worms. So it may; but, if Mr. Gregory
ever tried TO dig box of bait on ten
minutes notice of an invitation t. 90
fishing in a dry time he knows it dor.' {.
--LoioeH Courier.
why. John. where have you bseb
all nightp" was the greeting. as he
stumbled upstairs. Comet party, my
dear, that's ALL" Comet partyP
Nh il ought not to take all night To
see the comet" .If YOU zhee as many
comets ash did, I would take you,
roor, weak woman. a whole week.
Yesh it would"
IN old darky said TO his wife at the
circus "Look ahere, Suse, yer Jest got
20 make up yer mind: OF yer gwine to
lake de shoes yer can 90 to de circus,
an of YER is gwine to de circus yer can't
get &c shoes" Just about this time
tine ban struck up lively air, and
use told the old man she would go
barefooted a while longer She was
bound to see dc circus.
- countrymaa stepped into fruit
store an invested in nickePs worth
OF chcstnuts In half an hour he re-
turned AMI handle the proprietor one
of the nuts. What does this mean?"
asked the dealer "Well." remarked
the customer, THAT Is the only sound
chestnut | found in the pint, and so
thought you had put it in by mistake
am an honest man, and don't want to
take a mean vantage of a fellow"
An cd la y in the ountry had a
dandy from the city to dine with her on
certain occasion. For desert thera
happened To be an enormous apple pie
La. ma ami said ne, "how 10 you
manage TO handle sue pie?' EASY
enough" was The reply; 1--WE make the
cru up in Il wheellarrow, wheel it un
de the app tree, and then shake the
fruit down into it.
The Hungarians employed as labor
ers on the railroads near Elmira. n Y,
have custom that they are thought to
have brought with them from the Old
country When they wash, which. to
Judge by their appearance. is about
once per month, they fill their mouths
with water. spit that water into their
hands and rub il over their greasy faces.
DIR. David Parsons. the old-t me
pastor OF the church in Amherst, was
noted for his eccentricities, and. among
other yagar es, used to have plate SIT
mt his table for favorite cat. One day,
while ask ne blessing at the morning
meal. he was taken with a fit OF cough
ing, aud be ore the pa ysm was over
Tie eat moved. 40 soon as the par
Sot tuul I'll enk he In ned Ia III. ga.
anil eNcla' med: shut up. | can get
along " thout our bel and then
: uIck n where l.c had left OF aud Tin.
shed the less ny