davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
John Cplan on Drivers.

JOIN SpIan. who began his career on
the tIrf seventeen Years AGO. when he
was i years Old, and has handled many
Of tie best horses in the country, in.
gliding the famous Rarus, is rs ready
and slick talker rs he is driver Yes,
sir, good driver is as essential rs 4
good horse. l don't know as a good
man could do much with 4 stick of q
horse, but I've seen many horse de-
featad that would have won if its driver
had known his business. Just what
makes q good driver you can't tell.
lou see, 4 driver has got to do more
than sit behind horse. lie must look
outfor the shoc;ng. must get the horses
head just right, must study his horse,
know how he ought to be fed and har-
messed, and all that. There are a
hundred things besides the mere driving
that he must have his eye on and be
studying. Horses are just as different
as people. Some are nervous, fretting
and stewing all the time, and others are
so cool that Il cyclone wouldn't make
'em jump. Now, you see, if q man
that was used to driving of the nervous
kind took hold of a lazy horse he'd like
as not break him all up.
There's one thing q driver must
have, and that's q cool head. He
mustn't be all down when he don't win,
or way up when he does, but just take
it as it comes and 90 it again. I've
seen men on the track with money UP
on their horses who were as worked up
about it as an old lady that had got to
have her tooth pulled out That won't
do. | don t take any stock in cordials
to give a man the necessary courage.
A good nights sleep is the best thing
that any man can take before race.
OF course we bet on the races. That's
what we are interested in; it's part of
our business. [ don't think horsemen
gamble much outside. They put in
their money on horse just as a man
buys q barrel of flour and expects to
get more than he gave for it. The pub
lie think there's good deal more
crooked work than there really is.
don't know driver, and I've slept
with most of 'em, who would pull his
employers horse to win money himself.
1t wouldn't pay. Driving is a profess
sion now, and man who has paid
1000 or So 900 for a piece of prop
erty hunts till he finds good man to
take care of it. and then pays him
handsomely. Most owners have all the
money they want, and are anxious only
that their horses win. ''-Springfeld
Republican.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
PLAYED If Wronp Somavh ,r,,

Look hereI roared 4 tall chap. at
tired ina broad brimmed hat and IN in
solent air. as he approached the ticket
window of the Brighton Beach Railroad
Yesterday afternoon. Look here, YOU,
shelf ear TO the other end of this line.
and don't YOU forget it! See this?" and
he developed horse pistol and stuck
the muzzle through the window.
Il see it, replied the agent calmly.
I'm looking right ut it. Now what can
I do for you?"
Didn't You hear me bark a few min
utes ago?" demanded the tall man.
Didn't you hear me compliment You
with an order for the best YOU We
got in your work shop there? Have /
got to put a bullet in there TO. make you
comprehend that I'm waiting here for
the upper row of preserves? Must l
take the blood of another station agent
on my hands before manage to get what
| want? Throw me out the most en-
broidered ticket there is on the line OF
this road. or III commence 10 make
vacancies.
The agent carefully closed the Win
dow, stepped out the side door, picked
up the tall man. set him down again on
his head, whirled him around three or
four times and then kicked him under
the gate and out into the middle of the
street, where q policeman gobbled him
and hustled him Off
Am l awake?" asked the tramp,
rubbing the dust of the conflict out of
his eyes. ''Neyer mind about that, am
| alive?"
"What did you want to bother the
man for?" demanded the policeman,
hauling him around by the collar.
i didn't want to bother him, only
meant to scare him. l hadn't any
money to go to the island; so | played
the Western man on him, just as have
seen it written up in the funny papers.
l say, either those papers are the darnd-
est liars on the continent OF l missed
the combinations on the gag!"
And they locked him up to think
over which might be the case.-Broob-
ly2l E0qle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
ROUGH HANDLING Of Childra1,

The Cincinnati Lancet and Clinic says:
The causes of joint disease in childhood
are frequently obscure, but this much
IS certain, that the rough handling
which children receive ut the hands OF
ignorant parents or careless nurses has
much TO do with matter. Stand on any
street corner and notice how children
are handled. Here comes a lady with
3-year-old girl; she IS walking twice
as fast as she should. and the child is
over-exerting itself to keep pace; every
time the child lags, the mother gives it
q sudden and unexpected lurch, which
is enough to throw its shoulder cut, to
say nothing of bruising the delicate
structures of the joints; q gutter is
reached; instead of giving the little tod
der time to get over in his own way or
properly lifting it, the mother raises it
from the ground by one hand, its whole
weight depending from one upper ex-
tremity, and with. a swing that twists
the child's body as far around as the
joints will permit, it is landed, after
course of four or five feet through the
air, on the other side.
Here is q girl twelve years old with
baby of q year in her arms. The babe
sits on the girls arm without support
to its back. This would be hard enough
position to maintain were the girl stand
ing still, but she is walking rapidly.
and the little one has to gather the en-
tire strength of its muscular system to
adapt itself to its changing base of sup
port, to say nothing of adjusting its
little body 10 sudden leaps and darts OF
the part of its hayward nurse. Some
times during a sudden advance YOU viii
see q part Of the babe foot in advance
of its head and trunk, which have to be
brought up by powerful and sudden
action of the muscles Of the trunk and
neck
Probably not one child in a hundred
is properly handled.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
Tx in " unr Society.
Enter thomas and Charles.

Enter thomas and Charles.
Thoma and Charles Good eve
ming. LADIES'.
Kate How do. Charley. Tom? " here
have yol beer this age?"
josephine Sure enough! Henry
Brown Sas iljust now. DID you meet
him?'
Thomas Hen is a great fellow amt
he9 Did hegive you a lecture on me-
tempsychoss, or I dissertation on frogs
legs as 4 remedy for the unsettled con-
dition of til. labor market?"
kate-''eh, Tom. you're too hard on
Henry. Ybu shouldn't nave said that
before mana. But his conversation is
little TEDIOUS sometimes"
Charles Hens mutf.1
Josephne-.'W What's the news?'
ThOma Ain any. Charley, who
was that yirl YOU was 50 sweet on in the
cars afurnoon?"
Charts" Didn't I mash her,
thought
JoseIhine-"Oh, you naughty boyr'
Thopas-'' Charley gets the bulge on
all of As"
Charles Where did YOU Get those
cigarettes, TomP Boss ones"
Thmas-'.Got EN- in New York.
Can tget decent cigarette in Boston.
Have tried EN- al. BY the way. Char
ley you want to try Snigglefritz' beer.
Belts anything in town. Drank six
gEsses there last night"
CharIes-''Who beats this after
nOn?"
Ihomas-',The Long Stockings-six
tonothing regular whjtewash Catch
enup s IN awful muffer, and Slick
pmnded the Yellar Legs all over the
tidd. But we must be going, Charley,
Good-by, Joe; good-by. Kate
Charles" Good-by. girls"
Kate and Josephine-"G ood-by.
Should think you might stop longer.
tlOagl." Exit Thomas and Charles I
Katf-''Iom's nice fellow, ism t
he"
JosPhine-"What q splendid CONVEX
sationilist!"
Kat -"oh, yes; Tom can talk on
any subject"
Jos.phine-'.Ho isn't much like Hen
~.
Kap-'.No, 1 hope not. 10 matter
what comes up, Tom never lost for a
word, Hes so entertaining! And then
one learns 50 much talking with him. -
-Do$OD Transcript
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
IeaGling Him a Lesson,

''4acOb, | dells YOU more rs hun
dert dimes alreaty VT dot you moost
NIGHT sprech pack on me in Scherman
dalk."
'Eader, | fOrgit sometimes.
''YOu mOOst nicht dot sometimes for
dot. You moost like Your fader him
done when him vas boy"
''And what was that, fader?''
Il moost English sprechen all der
dimes When / don'd vas so pic rs q
leedIe toe vii. Und you see dot vas
Why | GOT me dot language to Il fine
pind down.
',Fader, do You want me to learn you
or YOU learn me?''
Fur vhy you dose way dalk? You
make me aschamed fon meinselef fon
YOU
i can speak English better than you
can now, fader."
Colt i'm HimmeIl You consuld
your fader dot way. Ven I vas half not
so pic like YOU [ sprechen me dot Eng
lish dalk so weller as schulz deacher.
You GOT YOU doc schmard! You drinks
you more rs your fader knows?
schook dot schmard fon you oud! I
learn you vone lesson-you moost NIGHT
more schmarder peen rs your fader.
Dem pad company vas What der mad
der vas nit dem pad poys like you.
When [ vas 4 poy VT | knowd four
dimes more as mein fader, aber / dOn'd
told him dot. / vas doc schmard for
dot. | don'd vas so dumb like YOU!
OUT l mein fader him dold dot him
hang me by mein coat-oollar oop nit
his left handt und Whip mein pehindt
nit cow-skin hide shoost like dis"
But he didn t show Yacob how it was
done. Yacob was too smart for that.
He knew four times more than his
father. That's why he lodged out and
off down the street at the fastest small
boy rate. -Ke2atucby State Journal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
Let the Young Folks Marry,

The pretty story that is going the
rounds from Washington of the wav
young Mr.. Magruder Hugh and young
Miss Minnie O Dowd outwitted the elder
Mr.. Hugh and the elder O'Dowd, got
their nuptial knot all tied in secret and
came back for their parents blessing,
is full of suggestions for times like
these. Of course young people have
done that before and will do it again.
The surest way to hasten young lovers
into matrimony is to oppose their de-
signs. Often enough young lovers tire
of each other, or find out that they are
not as absolutely dependent on each
other as they thought, if left to them
selves. But try to chain up a child and
away he will 90; and especially she.
In this instance they both went. And
is is not something to encourage rather
than discourage? That is, ought not
parents to encourage early love mar
riages rather than discourage them as
they often do? The tendency of mod
ern society is away from early mar
riages, especially love marriages. The
merest children are talking of marry
ING for money later on. Thoughtful
E6Op4C have uO OOuUG ttS W JIG SOLI VI
social life this viii produce eventually,
and how utterly it will yitiate all the
little sacredness of duty and self-sacri-
flee that are called up in every welded
life. The truth is that true affection in
volving the sense of duty is the only
force that will stand by human beings
in the relations involved in every hui
man existence.
Young people will fall in love. The
desires of nature are not subject to par
entail control. OF course, they can be
educated, but to 4 far less extent than
philosophers dream. They will assert
themselves, and it seems that parents
would be far better employed watching
any genuine affections that arise and
in encouraging the same toward actual
early marriage, aiding the young folks
financially and every other way, rather
than in checking only the best of their
impulses. 1t IS possible too, that
young folks whose parents are poor
would often do better were they to
marry young and by mutual fidelity
help each otirer, than in sowing wild
oats for future harvests of crime. It is
an appeal to parents fora more sensible
and generous policy toward their child
rem, and an appeal TO the young for a
return to the heroism of sound hearts
again. Philadelphia Times.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
Cub2n Courtship.

AS natural sequence to the restraint
under which CUBAN lovers are held,
there are great many small intrigues
and innocent endeavors to circumvent
the detectives. There are eloquent
chances, signals, fun-talk, and the sly
Interchange OF notes. Then the iron
guarded window, instead of being q
protection, becomes 4 great conven-
fence. 1t is more than the front with
Us. She knows when he will pass by,
and stands inside with fair hand
clasping the bars of her cage and waits
for him. They stand there with the
iron between them and talk. Every
day it is So and if mama wishes to stop
it she must come and stand in the VIM
dow also. There are other respects in
which the young man has a hard time.
He must come every day. He mast,
and she holds him to the strict letter of
this law. He is bound to show, by
every means in his power, that he holds
all other women in contempt and deteS-
tation. He must not dance with any
other, and had better not be caught
holding on to any other window bars in
any other street He tells his near
friends about it, and she all hers, and
the matter is diligently discussed. II
he should fail to come around regular
" every day he has to tell q satisfacto-
~ story. [ have known her to send
her brother after him. He takes his
revenge after marriage.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
The Bible as a Prospeotor.

H. H. White, who has been working
on the Dunkirk Mine for sometime past,
one Sunday while reading the Bible I'M
der the large pines east of the mine
about half a mile, becoming absorbed
in thought, unconsciously dropped the
holy book in such a way that it fell over
q precipice about fifty feet high. De
scending into the canyon to recover it,
Mr.. White found it lying upward, open
at the Gospel of St. Matthew, chapter
vii. while large piece of rich quartz,
which had been dislodged by its fall,
lay on top, tearing a Jagged hole in the
seventh verse, so familiar to all Christ
ians: ASK, and it shall be given you;
seek, and We shall find; knock, and it
shall be opened unto you" Accepting
this as a good omen, Mr.. White search
ed, and, in few moments, succeeded
in locating the ledge, which was over
two feet in width, and assays 1925, on
an average, to the ton. The mine is
considered the richest thing yet struck
in this district, and an offer of s., 900,
made 10 the fortunate owner Of it, was
declined. ArizOn0 Miner.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11

A Boston engineer has been turning
his attention to the power going to
waste in the Niagara River. He esti-
mates that a motor could be submerged
in the river which would furnish half q
million Observation-Disclosures run
all the machinery in Buffalo and pump
all the city's water. His plan is to
place q giant iron wheel in the river
pcrpendicularly, so that it shall be
turned by the current The power
would be taken from the shaft of the
wheel by either belts or gearings, or
would be sent through electric cables.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11

In Japan a girl at the age of nine
wears her hair tied up in red scarf
bound around the back of her head.
The forehead is left bare, with the ex-
ception of a couple of locks, one on
each side. When she is OF a marriage
able age she combs her hair forward,
and makes it up into the shape Of a fan
or butterfly, and at the same time de-
corates it with silver cord and balls of
various coIorS. This means everything
and is fully understood by the young
men OF Japan. 4 widow who wishes
for q second husband puts tortoise
shell pin horizontally at the back of her
head and twists her hair around it,while
an inconsolable widow cuts her hair
short, and wears no adornments Of any
kind. 1t is needless to say that short
hair is rare.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11

The MexicanS are the greatest
The school children who have done best
in their studies are rewarded by being
allowed to smoke cigar rs they stand
or sit at their lessons. The school
master himself is seldom without cigar
in his mouth. In the law courts all
persons commonly enjoy their tobacco
freely, and even the accused in a GRIM
inaI trial is not denied tbs indy 'gence.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
How We Tried To Lick The Teacher.


Iwuz boy o seventeen, ungainIy. duh and
Ez green ez any goz.in lat I thought knew
it all.
INVENT to school at .ano. chopped up wood
Fur Zephaniah Wilkinson to pay him fur my
board.
One day Phietus Phinney, another boy in
SchOO..
About "a rough an raw ez I-about ez big a
lust limited il a private way, twould be right
smart faatur'
An give Us lots o glory, ifwe'd up an lick
til" teacher
lie wouldn't ask no better fun than jist to
make him c imb.
We'd hey a long vacation an 0 whopper Of a
time
The teacher he wuz sickly-he wuz not ez big
Ell u
| knew lhaf we could bounce him if we didn't
Fer cny one on loollin' at him would said on
SigLt
Their wasn't eng sand in him, an not a spcck o.
Ills hana- Trey want accustomed mrch to
nsH@ u On 10 ow>,
To holm corn, ~ crad.in' wheat or mill1in'
rhicta- aid he'd use him fera mop 10 mop
~ d tig0r,
An when he legged aa' hoIlcrcd that we'd hist
EIu o&t the door.
We tod Tho Logs NJ recess Of the plot thct we
he'd planned;
They .ca I'VE couldn't down i'm they'd lend
ECipiu han.
But hg paiEctps Pnnncy, lie wuz ticaled ez
cofIlu bc
tiul. we thought snip like that could lick
cnap ike ne;
FTdl1 * tie bucket over, he'd make the
He'd hor hirn in tao water and mop it with his
pants
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11

A clerk in the New York Comptrol-
ler's office made mistake of 5 cents in
a warrant amounting to 81, 0O3, % and
was dismissed. 1t was his second error
within a month, and errors in that
Office are fatal 10 the man who makes
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11

A Nebraska thief devotes MS time en-
tirely to the larceny Of hogs. and with
great success. He goes forth by night,
armed with 4 long stick, to which q
sponge is fastened, and a bottle Of
chloroform. The porcine victim is lulI-
ed to rest by the anesthetic, and then
borne silently away. The other night
one OF the slumbering hogs rolled out
OF the thiefs wagon. \ kind-hearted
farmer who came along the road as
sisted the thief to load up again, amid
protuse thanks. When the farmer
reached home he discovered that the
pig WAS froia his own stv.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-11
She Took the Dry One,

''Single ladies'" said the Captain of
an ocean steamer, ''Often cross the wa
ter under the special care of the captain
of the ship. A very fascinating young
lady was placed under my care, and
three young gentlemen fell desperately
in love with her. They were all equally
agreeable. and the young lady was puz-
zled which to encourage. She asked
my advice. Come on deck, said | the
first day when it is perfectly calm-the
gentlemen will. of course, all be near
you. [ will have q boat quietly lowered
down; then doyou jump overheard and
see which of the gentlemen will be the
first to Jump after YOU a calm day
soon came, the Captains suggestion
was followed. and two OF the lovers
jumped after the lady the same instant.
Between these two the lady could not
decide. Take the man that didn't
jump" said the Captain, ''he's the most
sensible fellow, and will make the best
husband" And she did.
The New Englander who does not like
pumpkin pies should be ostracised.
They are reminders TO many Of the hal
cyon boyhood days of country life. A
large golden pumpkin pie set on the
table is almost sufficient to give the
dyspeptic q good appetite, and cause
him TO see worldly affairs in roseate
hues. The farmers are now bringing
pumpkins. into the market, and many
staid citizen walks smilingly homeward
with good large one under his arm.
A good-sized pumpkin could be bought
this morning for ten cents. -Kenebp~
-EoabrnGl
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-26
Cattle KINGS Of Texas.

Henry II. Harris, Jr, lately back
from a trip to Texas, where he has some
extensive landed interests, told mo how
he found things in the Lone Star State.
He said: 81 saw in Fort Worth nm old
fellow who didn't look Us il he had u
dollar, that was one of the cattle kings
of Texas. lie had lately sold his herds
to company of capitalists for $780,.
900. They had not yet made the pay
ment and were already offered $4,000
900 for tho same herds by n London
company. He did not own nm acre Of
land but simply sold his cattlc-mark.
The tendency is for outside capital to
control the business. 1rodo over with
q Mobile capitalist who was carrying
$500, 900, with which he was going TO
set his son up in cattle. Lilo estimated
that the money--that Is, tho herds.
would double every three years, and
that Is about the estimate OF tho best
cattle men in Texas. Atlanta ConStiti'-
tom.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-26
POSTAGE.

After October I, 1888, letter postage to
any part of the United States will be two
cents for every half ounce or fraction there
Of. Rates on drop letters to remain the
same, After July 1, 1883, money order
postal rates in sums of IS and under can
be obtained for fee Of three cents. The
notes are payable without the correspond
ing advices. After the same dates money
orders will be issued for 800, the highest
at at present being $50, The following
rates will be charged after that date:
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-26

MENsMAS's PERFORMED BEEF Tonic, the
only PREPARATION of beet cent aiming its entire
nutritious properties. 1t contains blood
making, force generating and life sustain
ing properties; invaluable for Indigestion,
Dyspepsia, nervous prostration, and all
forms of general debility; also, in all en-.
teebed conditions, whether the result of
exhaustion, nervous prostration, overwork,
or acute disease, particularly il resulting
from pulmonary complaints. Caswell
Hazard, 81 Co., Projectors, New York
Sold by Druggists. (3)
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-26
VALUABLE PREMIUM! FREE OF COST!
See what R. W TANSLL CO. offer regular smokers of
IA NSILL'S PUNCH GIG A I'd

10 every consumer OF one hundred
ana fifty Tansill's Punch Cigars within
three months time is offered q COM
ELEMENTARY subscription for six months
to either OF the following weekly pa
pers: "Peck's sun," "The New York IL
lustrated Graphic" "Texas siftIngs or
81 ne Chicago Times subject to con-
dltiOns as below:
The card used contains thirty mum.
bers, one of which must be punched by
BARCLAY BROTHERS upon the pur-
chase Of five Tansill Punch 5 C. Cigars.
When the numbers are all punched
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-26
WOman's True Friend.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. This
none can deny, especially when assistance
10 rendered when one is sorey afflicted
with disease, more particularly those com.
plants and weakness 30 common to our
female population. Every woman should
know that Electric Bitiers are womon's true
friend, aud will positively restore her TO
health, even when oil other remedies fail.
A single trial always proves our assertion.
They Are pleasant TO the taste, and only cost
fifty cents q bottle, sold by Barclay Bros.(2)
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-26

select your paper, and ii will be sci
for six months as you direct. TIL
offer will expire in three months frd
date OF card, when the first number
punched. Your card may be punchI
to suit your convenience In purchasiI|
Tansilrs Punch either at Barclay Bird
store Oh the Levee or at the corner
Washington Ave. and 9th st. Bear
mind that an average of less than ty|
cigars day, for the time stated wi
entitle you without cost to six month
subscription to any one Of the popul|
papers named. Rare chance.