davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-07
Advertising Rates.

3usiness Cards, one year, one dollar for every ne
local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion
and all notices continued for three months or longer
discount Of 25 per cent
Advertisements sunaceompaniedby by verbal or written
directions will be published three months.
Advertisements, under contract, ordered out e.
lore expiration Of time, will be charged full rates
No paper discontinued until all arrearages Ilil
except at the option Of the publisher
Transient advertisements must be paid in advance
ITerms CASH, payable quarterly.
Only Metal Cuts inserted.
Prices and Terms alike to all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-07

The Arkansas papers are bewailing
the death of Wagner because, they
say, he was the only man who ever
had the nerve to start an opposition
to the Pullman Car Company,-Den.
yer Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-07

The railway passenger agents are
discussing the subject of transporta
ton of corpses. This will no doubt,
be of interest to dead-heads.-Boston
Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-07
Detroit & Bav City Railroad
GOING NORTH.
GOING SOUTH.

Day and Evening Express daily, Sundays except
ell. Night Express daily, saturdays excepted.
II. b. LEDYARD, HENRY G. WENTWORTH,
GenI Manager, Gen'l Pass. & Ticket Agt.,
Detroit, Mich. Chicago Ill.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-07

At a medical examination n young
aspirant for physicians diploma
was asked "When does modification
ensue?" "When you propose and are
rejected. Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
There are a good many rivers that
ought to be arrested for breaking
banks.
Nobody wishes the baby stolen,
still it Is a relief when the nurse cribs
it at night.-Boston Commercial Bull
letin.
No shoemaker was ever able to
measure the footprints on the sands
of me."-New York Commercial
Advertiser.
An old lady near Reading won't
let her husband visit that city since
she read that Reading maketh a full
man."-Grit.
A Michigan man got ahead of a
saw log going down hill, and he says
$4,000 in gold wouldn't hire him to
try it again.-Free Press.
"Inquirer.-The Tongue River in
Montana is so named because it is al
ways rapid, running and babbling.-
Somerville journal.
The evil that men do lives after
them. Even when an amateur cornet-
list dies he leaves the fatal instrument
behind.-Lowell Citizen.
A relic hunter-a fellow endeavor-
ing to capture a widow. Fast trains
stuck in the snow with no provisions
aboard.-Baltimore News.
Longfellow evidently paid his fare
like man. Didn't he write in "Ex-
celsior." "Try not the pass the old
man said Pittsburgh Telegraph.
Up town the laborers blast the
rocks, the rocks blast the houses and
the citizens blast the laborers. A
sort of blast all around.-New York
Dispatch.
The sense of touch appears to sur
pass in delicacy that of sight, mas
much as many young men go about
pulling at mustaches which nobody
can see.-Life.
The railway passenger agents are
discussing the subject of transporta,
ton of corpses. This will no doubt,
be of interest to dead-heads. Boston
Transcript.
At medical examination n young
aspirant for physicians diploma
was asked "When does modification
ensue?" "When you propose and are
rejected. Free Press.
The Arkansas papers are bewailing
the death of Wagner because, they
say, he was the only man who ever
had the nerve to start an opposition
to the Pullman Car Company.-Den-
yer Tribune.
The average stay of servant girl:
in families is less than seven weeks
taking the country over. If your:
has remained eight weeks, you are en-
titled to wear a grin of triumph
Free Press.
Several of our exchanges are de
voting considerable space to the i'm
portance of cooking girls" It's nj
use. We don't want them cooked
The raw damsel is good enough fo1
us.-Hartford Times.
Oliver Wendell Holmes says tha
bad air, bad whisky and irregular
habits keep the doctors alive. 1t j
certainly true that there are doctor
who indulge in these things.-Louis
vile Courier-Journal.
Jones asked his wife: "Why is
husband like dough ?" He expected
she would give it up, and was goin,
to tell her it was because woman
needs him but she said it was har,
to get off her hands.-Ex.
eyes, sir" said the wood dealer
81 prefer to sell wood to men who d
their own saving. You can't con
vince q man who has worked all da
at the wood pile that there isn't ful
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26
A Necessity of the Day.

Few minor inventions have been so
readily appreciated and come so quick
ly into general use as the stylographic
pen. None who have used one will
ever be contented with any less con-
venient apparatus for writing, and in
q short time there will be few who
have occasion to write at all who have
not adopted it. The general princi-
pie of the stylographic pen is so ia
miliar as to require no explanation.
We have made trial of various kinds,
but have found none to equal the i'm
proved Livermore Stylographic Pen,
which combines all the advantages of
other makes. 1t is convenient to use,
writes with any kind of cook ink, and
is practically indestructible. Sold at
first for 50 each, the price has recently
been reduced to 50 for plain pens, with
fifty cents extra for gold mounted. BY
sending that amount to Louis E. Dun
lap, Manager Stylographic Pen Com
pany, 900 Washington Street, Boston,
pen, together with package of SUI
perior ink, will be sent by return mail
and the money will be at once refunded
if they do not prove to be perfect IN
every respect. Morning Mail, LoaUeH
Mass.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

the nation. Ipointed 10 the plaintiff
as he sat there, still in the same air of
humility and even sadness, and said
that was the sort of men who had
fought our battles, and saved our flag,
and shed his life-blood that We and
our children might enjoy uncurtailed
the blessings of freedom wrenched
from the hands of despots by our sires.
worked up that jury, 1 can tell you,
and the plaintiff himself drew forth an
unpretentious handkerchief and wiped
away tear. | got a verdict for the
full amount, of course.
"As we We're quitting the courtroom,
James said, Spencer, your war speech
gained You the verdict. If you had not
discovered through my cross-examina-
ton that the man had fought in the
war, you would have been beaten"
my friend, 1 replied, eff you had
only asked the man on which side he
fought, you might be going home with
verdict. My client was rebel"
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26
The Coming Wild Man.

A rehearsal of fellow who was TO
make his debut rs the wild man of q
side show, and who had heightened his
natural uglmess by letting his hair and
nails and boards grow very long was
witnessed by Chicago Herald CORES
pendent. He has become proficient in
uttering an unintelligible jargon, and
in posing and gesticulating like mon
key. But on being subjected to criti-
cal examination by Snowman it was
found that he lacked one desirable ac-
complishment. "a wild man ought
not to be able to eat in civilized man
ner',' said this expert. you say that
you are going to show yourself in a
cage, paving and growing around like
q brute. Very we'll. Now, what is it
in menagerie that catches the crowd
more than anything else? The feeding
of the animals, amt it? When you
slinga chunk of fresh meat at lion and
he fiercely devours it, the spectators
just shudder, shrink back and enjoy
themselves. Now there's the hint for
your racket. You must devour raw
meat" "Darned eff I can do that"
said the wild man from Kentucky. Il
have lived on fried bacon and honiny
too long to eat raw meat. l swear l
couldn't swaller it," "But it need not
be raw for fact" said the Snowman,
it can be cooked beef faxed up to look
raw" This counsel was needed, and
the wild man in the rehearsal, tore n
beef that was blood red but not really
raw, with fingers and teeth in quite a
'fercely ravenous way. "The perform
ance was crude" says the narrator,
"but will doubtless become startlingly
effective when perfected by repetition"
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26
He Was in the Army.
Brooklyn Eagle.

A distinguished company t lawyers
sat in the Supreme Courtroom, talk
ing of old times. Among them was
Col Charles S. Spencer. He was In
his usual happy vein and told new
story.
81 was retained" said he, =" by an ex-
soldier of the war to sue for the recov-
cry of some 81 800 which he had loaned
to a friend The late Edwin James
was counsel for the defendant. [ went
to work zealously for my client. James
cross examined the plaintiff in his
usual forcible way.
"You loaned him 81 ,SOO?" Mr.. James
asked.
Il did sir" was the reply.
1T was yos,E own money!" contin-
ued Mr.. James.
1T was, sir" my client responded.
When did you lend him the money!
was the next question
In July, 1866" was the answer. .
:, Where did you get that money!
MI. James demanded sternly.
Il earned it sir" The words were
SAID IN meek tone.
You earned it Ell? When did you
earn it?"
During the war, sir" was the reply
sui In very humble tone.
You earned it during the war. Boy
Nhat was your occupation during the
VAR Mr. James inquired.
Fighting, SIR" the man replied,
nOdestly.
oh, fighting" Mr.. James said,
somewhat taken down and instantly
changing his manner.
i smiled triumphantly and even
slckered a little. James was half
gAd Well, we went to the jury, and L
Ieourse, had the last say. Isailed up
= glory. 1 spoke of the war; of the
-'es and treasures IT cost us; of the
a,lal battles which decided the fate
y NE Union; of the self-denial and the
sls'eTy Of our men who left home,
- vie and children and father and
t-olher and everything that was dear
1em, and went forth to fight for
-'ssldes, freedom, and the salvation OF
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26
Keeping Warm in the North.

reached home on the 18th, the cold
est weather l experienced on the trip
being on the 18th, when about two
hours before sunrise, the thermometer
indicated fffty-three degrees below re-
TO. That day 1 made a journey of
twenty-five miles, riding most of
the way on the sledge, and at
no time during that day did I feel I'M
comfortable, the highest the thermom-s
eter reached being fifty degrees, and I
might here say that 1 really enjoyed
the whole trip. Iattribute this wholly
to the Esquimau reindeer clothing and
constantly living in q snow igloo like
the natives, where the temperature is
never above freezing and generally ten
to fifteen degrees below that point. 1
do not believe and my belief is con-
firmed by the written account of others
that any Arctic voyagers, housed in
warm ships as their base and clad in
the usual suits of Arctic explorers,
could stand such journey without
more or less material discomfit. Only
once did L learn the lesson of caution.
1 took off my right mitten in attempt
ing to get shot at a passing reindeer,
the wind blowing stiffiy in my face and
the thermometer thirty seven degrees
below zero, when the persistent refusal
of the frozen gun-lock to work kept
my hand exposed much longer than L
had intended. When I attempted to
use it again it seemed paralyzed, and
looking at it 1 noticed the skin looked
as white as marble. Tooloah, who was
beside me, noticed it at the same time,
and with an Innuit exclamation of sur,
prise hastily doffiing his mittens, grasp
ed it between his two warm hands, and
held them against his warmer body
under his coo-le-tah, OF Esquimau
coat. It soon resumed it's functions,
and although felt for some time as
if I were holding on to hornets nest,
experienced no more serious results
than couple of ugly looking blisters
where the iron had come in contact
with the bare hand The reindeer .es-
capped. As the reindeer clothing is the
warmest in the Arctic, so it makes the
warmest bedding, two long skins made
into a coffin like bag OF sack, the hair
side in, being sufficient protection in
coolest weather when in a properly
constructed igloo. When the first Sc
we're cold came to North Hudson Bay
Twas sleeping in blanket and two fine
buffalo robes, which 1 found, as the
thermometer sank thirty to forty de-
grees below zero, Fahrenheit, to be in
adequate to secure comfort, until Sc
cured reindeer sleeping bag, weighing
not half as much, after which cold
nights were no longer dreaded. The
robe of the American bison seems to
become damp under the least provoca-
ton and then freezes as stiff as piece
of sole-leather. Once spoiled in this
manner, it is difficult to restore it to it's
former pliability in the low tempera-
ture of an igloo. The furs OF the musk
rat found to be equally unsuitable to
our mode of life, and L believe all 9TH
er furs of the temperate zone would
share the same opinion if tested in the
same practical way.-Lieot. Sch,Odthd.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26
Ostrich Farming.

A tract of six hundred and forty
acres of land has been secured at
Anaheim, CAL, for the purpose of
breeding ostriches. These ungainly
birds are valuable for the feathers
thew produce, and it is supposed that
the new industry will be veryprotit-
able one. Some twenty ostriches have
been brought from Southern Africa,
and have SO far taken kindly to the
glorious climate of California. a." The
females have commenced laying eggs.
These last are formidable in size, for
they measure four inches and a half
in lateral diameter, and seven inches
in longitudinal diameter. They weigh
three and half pounds. A new egg
is laid every alternate day, till ninety
egos are collected. 1t is believed that
in time these birds will be quite COM
mon IN a wild state in southern Call,
fornia, Arizona, New Mexico, and
western Texas. Ostrich hunting Is
said to be capital sport, but the great
value of the animal exists IN Its teatn-
ers, which furnish plumes for female
be,doear.-Demorest's Monthly 10
A.,
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

The taxes in the form of stamps have
been abolished by the new tariff on the
following articles: Bank checks, pat
emit medicines, perfumeries, and cos
metics, playing cards, cigar lights and
tapers, matches, and the tax on bank
deposits and bank capital. It also re-
duces some taxes as follows: On CT
gars from Sc per 1000 to So; on cigar
cites from $1.75 to 80 per 1000; to-
bacco and snuff, from Is cents per
pound to cents per pound ; the special
tax on retail dealer in leaf tobacco,
from $25 per year to $12 per year;
manufacturers of cigars, from $40 to SO
per year; manufacturers of tobacco,
from $40 to Sc per year; dealers in
manufactured tobacco, from S. per
year to $2.40; and peddlers of the first
class, from $50 to $50; of the second
class, from $25 to $15; of the third
class, from SIS to $7.20; and of the
fourth class, from $40 to $3.50. The
aggregate reduction of taxes thus eff
fected is estimated at $40,000,000 per
year.
"A Dallas jury awarded $4,000 dam
ages for the loss of HI. Riders arm by
carelessness of the Houston and Texas
Central railway.
HENS, they say, can only lay eggs I'D
daytime because at night they are
BOOSTERS.
All the military telegraph lines in
Texas are to be discontinued.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26
PLANO PLAYING.
,...a Man Describes the Music OF the
A kiiii' Future.

,...a Man Describes the Music Of the
Riii''' Future.
ysw orleans Iimes'Demoerat
.d was loafng round the streets
,;cht." said Jim Nelson, one OF
.s' n nISSest engineers running into
We Nc, Orleans, sand as l had nothing
New dropped into concert and
% 40 y a slick looking Frenchman play
eeai s;ano in q way that made me feel
% d I pi in spots. AS soon as he sat
al ' U' on the stool l knew by the way
aOT hnaudled himself that he under
n l,,oS the machine he was running,
''V ale tapped the keys away up in
=. and as if they were guages, and
one wanted to see if he had water
ne e and then he looked up, as if
s wanted to see how much steam he
~ carving, and the next moment
W. S'I oulled open the throttle and sailed
~ NJ on the main line as if he We're a
half half of an hour too late.
n' nyou could hear her thunder over
ho culyerts and bridges, and getting
s Nv and faster, until the fellow
. .a about in his seat like cradle.
Somehow l thought it was old 36
milling v passenger train and getting
putof The way of a special. The fell
law worked the keys on the middle
Ike T lightning, and then he flew along
- tbe north end of the line until the
drivers went around like buzz-saw,
and got excited.
W mA6out the time 1 was fixing to tell
him to cut off "a little, he kicked the
banners Ian, under the machine wide
a onen, pulled the throttle away back
into the tender, and Jerusalem jump
qrsl how he did run! 1 could't stand
i any longer, and I yelled to him
that she was pounding on the left
side, and if he wasn't careful he'd
drop his ash pan.
atBut he did not hear me. No one
heard me. Everything was flying and
vhizzing. Telegraph poles one side
Of the track looked like row of corn
stalks, the trees appeared to be a mud
hank, and all the time the exhaust of
the old machine sounded like the hum
Of humble bee.
81 tried to yell out, but my tongue
would not move. He went around
curves like a bullet, slipped an eccentric
blew out his soft plug, went down
grades fifty feet to the mile, and not
confounded brake set.
"She went by the meeting point at
amile and a half a minute, and calling
for more steam. Nv hair stood up
like a cats tail, for [ knew the game
was up.
"Sure enough, dead ahead of us
was the headlight of the special. In
adaze l heard the crash as they struck,
and saw cars shivered into atoms,
people mashed and mangled and
bleeding, and gasping for water.
"Iheard another crash as the French
professor struck the keys away down
in the lower end of the southern di-
vision, and then [ came to my senses.
There he was at dead standstill,
with the door of the fire-box of the
machine open, wiping the perspira-
ton off his face, and bowling at the
people before him. If I live to be
thousand years old I'll mover forget
the ride that Frenchman gave me on
thepiano.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

A BRooKLYS church has offered a
preacher a salary of $4,000 and two
months vacation every year. lie re-
cards = Il as a call to preach the Cos
SeI" Most any one else would ac-
e such an offer, but would call 1t
ST lie right name, a soft snap.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

A COmmon.Sense Remedy.
lie A.
NO MORE RHEUMATISM, GOVT
OR NEURALGIA.
Immediate Relief Warranted
Permanent Cure Guaranteed.
Five years established and never known
to fail in single case, acute or chronic.
Refer to I'll prominent physicians and
druggists for the standing of Salicy lica.
SECRET!
The only DissoiUer IT the Poisonous
Uric Acid aUhich EXISTS In The Blood
f Rheumatic and GOuty Patients.
SALICYLTCA is known as COM
aop-seDse remedy, because it strikes
iirectly at the cause OF r. 1eumatism,
Gout and Neuralsia, while so many 80
called specifics and SUPPOSED par ,eas
OuIH lcNdilJ biic ShcCtb
it has been conceded by eminent sci
entists that outward applications, such
as rubbing with oils, ointments, ]ipi'
ments and soothing lotions will not
eradicate these diseases which are the
result of the poisoning of the blood
with Uric Acid.
SALICYLICA works With marvellous
oaooA tI,;c ooiJ and oD Manhattan tha
disorder. II is now exclusively used by
all celebrated physicians of America
and Europe; highest medical academy
of Paris reports 95 per cent. cures in
three days.
REMEMBER
that Salicylica is a certain cure for
rheumatism, Gout and Neuralgia,
The most intense pains are subdued al
most instantly.
Give it trial. Relief guaranteed or
money refunded.
Thousands of testimonials sent on
application.
81 Box. 6 Boxes for So.
Sent free by mail on receipt of
ASK YOUR DRUGGIST FOR 1T.
But do not be deluded into taking
limitations or substitutes, or something
as ''ius< SIS goodl' In
sist on the genuine with the name of
WAsHBURNE & Co. on each box, which
is guaranteed chemically pure under
our signature, an indispensable requis-
ite to insure success in the treatment.
Take no other, or send to M.
WASHeURhE a CO., PR0pRItT0RS,
sS5 Broadway, cor. Resde-st., New FORK.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

nPR~not. IN Is sveepipg By. 90 and
II dare before you die. something
hFn II mighty and sublime leave behird
uuS~ y % conquer Tine Sc a week =
your own town O. oufft free. No risk. Every.
Thing new. Capital not required. We viii furnish
you everythinf. Many are making fortunes. la
eies maize AZ much AZ men. AID boys and Eirls
make Eresf pay. Reader, ~ you want buauess al
which Iou can male great pay AL the time, white
v II. HALLETT Co., Portland. Ne
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

srwHES WRITING tn ADV FHT1-- Rs
zhuah~E.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

I.inimcnt Is needed by somebody In
every house. Every day brings news OF
the agony or an awful scald or burn
subducd, of rheumatic martyrs To.
stored, or n valuable horse or OK
saved by tho healing power OF this
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-04-26

Mustang Linimcnt IL without an equal.
IL penctratcs flesh and muscle TO
the very bone--making the continu-
nnco OF pain and Inflammation impos.
siblo. Its effects upon Human Flesh and
tho Brute Creation arc equally wonder-
fiil. Tho Mexican
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-03-15
BREAKFAST BUDGET.

An egg farm is to be started near Biz
mingham, Alabama.
Orange county, Virginia, shipped mil
lion of hoop.pOles last year.
A Gainesville Georgia, man has a cat
which is twenty.One years old.
Alta recent card.party at the house q a
popular London dentist, the counters used
were false teeth. %
A charter has been granted to company
in Mississippi that has for one Of its objects
the culture of jute.
In Yazoo county, Mississippi, q COW
died with hydrOphobia from eating the
hay on which mad dog had been lying.
Prof. De Huon, the one-legged rope
walker who fell few days ago and broke
bis leg at Corsicana, Texas, has had it am
putated, and he is now legless.
The Italian opera season, at San Antonio
Tex, was only marred by slight draw
back, to which casual reference is made ii
journal Of that city, that the prompter'l
voice could be heard at the entrance dool
during the entire eyeniug.-BostOn. Adre'
tiser.
The anti. Butler faction in the Democratic
party in Massachusetts has dwindled dowr
50 that it could be coralled in the bed
room Of summer resort hotel. A respect
able number stood out brayely as long al
there was no patronage to be had, but de
moralization began at once when Butle
had offices at his disposal.
When Uniontown, suburb Of Wash
ington, D. c., was laid out twenty-five
years ago, it is said the owner issued orden
that no lot should ever be allowed to be
come the property Of negro. That mani
former home, in the centre OF the town
from which the colored race was to be ex
Guided, is now owned and occupied BY
Frederick Douglass.