Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-02-07
JOINING A BAND.

JOINING A BAND.
A mandatory of brass band instru-
ments was burned o few DAYS ago at
Elkhart, Ind. Whether this is a dis
pensatiOn of divine providence, or only
an act of the pOpulace is not known.
If one could figure up the annoyance
caused to innocent people by every brass
horn manufactured, while the operator
of the horn is learning to play, there
would be no wonder that the factory
burned. A brass band, composed Of
good players, is 4 thing all enjoy, but
the playing of a single horn, by a new
beginner, is about the most mournful
and nerve SCATTERING experience that the
world al produce, if We except a base
ball nine composed of cats, practicing
IL the night. 1t beats all how few per-
sons who begin to play a horn, hold out
faithful to the end, and eventually be-
come members of 4 band. There is a
time in the life Of every young man
when he has an ambition to belong to q
brass band, and he never rests con-
tented until he has borrowed, or owns
q brass horn. y boy goes to u county
fair and sees a band, hired from a neigh
boring town, and each member of the
band is a hero in the eyes of the boy.
He sees the blue coats, with gold lace,
the epauletts, the cap with its musical
front piece, and the yellow stripe down
the trousers, and he is mashed on the
band, and he resolves to learn to play q
horn. He sees the fellow that blows
the trombone, flirting with the girl he
took to the fair, and she seems u enjoy
the distinction, the iron enters his soul,
and he resolves to become q blower too,
aud take revenge on his girl by mash
ing other girls. He sees the crowd col
leCt around the band stand as the band
plays q tune, and notices the snare
drummer cock his hat over on
II side of his head, and look
at all the girls, and the young man
is almost inclined to learn to play
the drum insteSd of the horn, as he ar
CUES that playing the drum gives n
= better opportunity to look around, but
when he reflects that il only takes mus
Gle to play the drum, and that it re-
Uuires brain and wind to play q horn,
he decides on the horn. And when the
band is marched of to the dinner hall
at tile fair, and given a place at the
head of the table, neal the orator of the
day, who has his Grafton in his pocket,
and is afraid he will loose it, and sees
the crowd collect around the band, his
mind is made up more firmly than ever
to learn to play a horn. He goes
home and dreams of the band, and
the next day he goes to work and sells
a calf, or takes some Of the money he
earned harvesting, and buys a brass
horn and a book of notes that he does
not know the name of. He has been to
singing school and can read singing
notes, but horn notes are too rich FOR
his blood. He does not tell his family
what he has done, but smuggles his
horn into the barn, and when he has
got the milking done, and fed the
stock, he goes out to the barn and
gets into the hay NOW, and feels
of the keys, He finally musters up
courage to blow gently into the horn,
and he hears a noise that is a cross be-
tween the sqUeal of a pig caught under
n gate, and the below Of a cow that
smells blood and paws the turf, aud
looks sassy in the pasture. He blows
gently until he has got so he a make
a straight noise that does not split up
the back and 60 out of the instrument
both ways, and the folks in the house
begin to hear it. Then he concludes
that he will see how much the instru-
ment will stand, anu he draws in his
breath and blows for all that Is out, and
as the d~iscOrdaat "bla-a-t' goes out
upon the sitting air of the hay NOW,
and he feels 3 sensation at the outt
! of the ears that makes him think a mule
has kicked him, he hears the horses
| down stairs kicking in the stalls, and
! the cows are lowing as though they had
heard bad news, and the faithful dog
| that he left out doors begins TO howl as
though there was going to be a death in
| the family. Then the beginner begins
20 realize that he is making a sensation,
and he looks out of a crack in the barn
towards the house, and he sees his
mother standing on the porch with her
apron over her head looking ut the
barn as though it was on fire, the
hired man, who is pumping water,
stops with the pump handle in
the air, and he sees his father, in his
shirt sleeves, pick up an AK handle q
start for the barn, splitting on his hands,
and looking savage. He sees a neigh
Dor, who was driving by, stop his team
in front of the house and ask If there
is ANYBODY sick, and he realizes that IT
is impossible to keep his secret longer,
and ne comes down out of the hay
NOW, with his brass horn under his
arm, as sheepish as though he had
been caught kissing the hired girl,
and confesses to his outraged family
that he is learning to play a horn so ne
can join the band. His father tells
him he is q blasted fool, but his mother
and sister take his part, and argue that
ii will be a great honor to have MN
wear brigadier general clothes in the
band, and thematter is compromised by
allowing him to practice on his horn
out in the south lot, and for a week
or two, at intervals, mOurntul SOUNDS
are heard in that direction, and then
they suddenly cease, and when his
father finally asks the boy how
be is progressing aS a horhist, ne
tells his parent that he has traded
off his horn for a fiddle or an
accordion, and explains, by showing
his upper lip, which is swelled up TO
twice its natural size, that he Is not cut
out for playing wind instrument That
horn will be traded all yer the neigh
6OrhOOd, and will finally be found In a
garnet, jammed out of shape, and the
brass band fever will have passed away.
Among the greatest failures OF the
world, there are none that are sadder
than the failure of q boy to learn TO
play a brass horn.-Peck'S Sun.