Morning journal and courier., 1883-03-02
RATIFIED.

It is said that rats immediately disappear from the house as soon as young lady be- gins taking lessons on the piano. The following advertisement actually ap peared in western paper 'JIost! One vite l calf. His two hind legs most black He was she calf Who brings him back pays five tollars. Fritz -"
 young man blond afflicted of a horrible stut. tering. I wa-wa- want" says he, "some D. p-piIls of ip-ip-ip-ip"-stHurr i'' cries himself the pharmacist impatiented From the French.
 Professional-Please, gimme ten cents, sir.
 to buy some bread. Muggins-Why, I gave
 you ten cents not half an hour ago. Profes
 sional (taking in the situation)- sir, I
 know sir, but I'm terrible bread eater.-
 HGro0sd Lanpooas.
 Hatred of hypocrisy: 'sNo, sir," said the
 gentleman; 'I am not brutal in my disposi
 tion and tastes but hate hypocrisy in man
 or beast, and if two dogs have rooted an- tpathy for each other don't like to see lem conceal ii. it."-Bosto1s Post.
 A western politician having made speech
 wound up by saying: "Gentlemen, them's
 my sentiments, and let me assure you they are the sentiments of an honest man. But,
 gentlemen, if they don't suit you, they can
 be altered. ."-IerGs Sift571g8.
 Reach me down that Webster, Pat" said
 one of our lately elected judges to his clerk
 ''One of thim thaiving newspapers has been Ibeling me, and, be jabers, won't stand it.
 The thaiving blackguard calls me a forensic light. ."-SGn Froncisco Neaos Letter.
 In single season an oyster can lay several million eggs, 8 fish double that number if it is in any health at all, and even the ordinary housefiy, it is said, can acquit itself of 20 900 without any very great mental strain. But hen. whose eggs are good for something, gets black in the face trying to lay seven a week, and then goes all over the neighbor- hood telling about it. Nature has made a failure of the egg business.-RocheSter Post Express.
 Scene-Paisley railway station; Glasgow train about to start old lady comes rushing up to the carriage window: Old lady-'Is this smoking compartment ?' Jocular young Irishman Gnside) )-"Cone in mann ye can have yer smoke here; nobody'n in- terfere wid ye." Old lady Gndignantly) asked you if this was smoking compart- ment, sir ?" Jocular young Irishman-''It is not, mann. but yer welcome to smoke as long as you blaze; there's nobody here but clsr. gyman and messif an we won't say word" -GIosgoao Battle.
 When 8 lady friend says to you, my dear madame, that Mrs. Soandso is "disagree- able thing" never reply that you know noth- ing about her, for that will make your lady friend mined ana then oon't go straight as sver you can to Mrs. Soandso's and tell her l what your lady friend says of her; for Mrs. | Soandso's anger may be divided between | your lady friend and yourself, and you may | get the larger share of it. No, my dear | when your lady friend mentions l that Mrs Soandso is disagreeable, answer 'I know it." This will please | your lady friend Then go to Mrs. Soandso's | and discuss the disagreeableness of your | ady friend and you and Mrs. Soandso will l have such pleasant afternoon. Mercy | now late it is getting had no idea We'll, must go! Good-by, dear (kiss). Now do | ,all I-Bost0n T7Gnsc7iDt