The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1883-05-11
The Bad Boy makes an Orange
man of his Pa.

"Say. will you do mo a favor n
asked the bad boy of the grocery
man, as be sat down on the soap
box aud put his boots on the stove.
"Well, y-e-s,n said the grocery
man, hesitatingly, with u feeling
that he was liable to be sold. "lf
you will help me TO catch the villain
who hangs up those disreputable
signs in front of my store, | will.
What is It'll"
81 want you to lick this stamp
and put it on this letter. 1t is to
my girl aud | want to fool her,n and
the boy handed over the letter and
the stamp, aud while the grocery
man was licking it and putting it
on, the boy filed his pockets with
dried peaches out OF u box.
"There, that's a small job,n said
the grocery man, as be pressed the
stamp on the letter with his thumb
and handed it back. "But how are
you going 10 1901 berT
"That's just bnsiness,n said the
boy, as he hold tho letter to his
nose and smelled of the stamp.
"That will make her tired. You
see, every time she gets a letter
from me, she kisses The stamp, be
cause she thinks | licked it. When
she kisses this stamp and gets the
fumes OF Plug tobacco and stale
beer and Mmburg cheese aud noul-
dy potatoes, it will knock her down,
and then it will make her sick, and
her parents will stop trading here.
oh, it will puralyze her! Do YOU
know, you smell like a glue factory.
Gosh, l can smell you all over the
store. Don't you smell anything
that smells spoiled 7"
The grocery man thought he did
smell something that was rancid,
and be looked around the stove and
said, "Ils your boots burning.
Gracious, open the door. 1t smells
like a hot box on a caboosc. Whew!
Aud there comes a couple of my
best lady customers The ladies
came in aud held their banker
chiefs TO their noses, and while they
were trading the boy said, rs though
continuing the conversations:
"Yes, pa says that the last ole
margarine | got here is nothing but
axle grease. Why don't you put
| your axle grease in a different kind
OF u packageS The only way yoa
can tell axle grease from oleolnar-
garine is in spreading it on pau
cakes. Pa says axle grease will
spread, but your alleged butter
just rolls right up and acts like lip
salve, or ointment, aud is only
fit to use on a sore -
At this point the ladies went out
of the store in disgust, without
buying anything, and the grocery
man took a dried Goldfish by the tail
aud went up to the boy and took
him BY the neck. s'Golblast you,
have a notion to kill you. You
have driven away more custom
from this store than your neck !.
worth. Now you git,n and he struck
the boy across tho back with ths
Goldfish.
| "Thats just tho way with yot
all," says tho boy, AS he put biz
sleeve up to bis eyes and pretended
| to cry; "when a fellow is up in tht
world there is nothing too good fol
| him, but when he gets down yol
maui him with a Goldfish. Since ps
drove me,out of tho house. and tolt
me to 20 and shirk for my living,
haven't had = kind word from any
body. My chum's dog won't ever
follow me, and when fellow get
so low down that a dog goes bacl
on him, there is uothing left for hln
to do but loaf around \ grocery, o
sit on a jury, though l know NOR
than some of the boats that Ia,
around the court to get on the jury
Tam going to drown myself, ant
my death will be laid to you. The.
will find evidences of Goldfish on N.
clothes and you will be arrested TO
tlrjvinr me to suicides grave
Good-by, ! forgive you" and th'
boy started for the door.
AHoId on, here,u says the grocer.
man, feeling that be had been to-
harsh. ssCome baek here and hav
some maple sugar. What did you
pa drive you away from home fort
20, ii was on account Of st. Pat
rick's day. said the bad boy as b
/ bit off haIfa pound OF maple suga
and dried bis tears. "You see |,
never sees ma buy new silk haus
kerchief but he wants II. Tothe
a ~. =.