The Osceola times., 1883-08-11
SUMNER TRIPLES.

A heated term-"IIot as blazes."
School for the blind: Poker.
A fixed star: A leading actor who
makes a dead failure.
The average girl with big hat loaded
with flowers and feathers seems all head
till you talk to her.
An unhappy marriage is like an elec-
tric machine--it makes one dance, but
you can't letgo.
If the wages of sin is death some old
sinners we know Of are a long time
drawing their salary.
According to the faculty, eight parts in
ten of the human blood consists of pure
water. This seems to leave very small
margin for whisky.
"what makes chickens come out OF
their shell, they must be so nice and
warm and comfortable inside ?" "Pr'aps
it's because they're afraid of being
boiled."
The English make a great deal of
money by supplying the colonists with
wooden-headed idols Perhaps that is
why they are going to send Lorne to
India.
A sweet girl graduate wrote an essay
on farm life, and gave beautiful des-
cription of the manner in which the
milk was extracted from the bosom Of
the COW.
A certain merchant, in want of boy,
lately displayed the following suggestive
notice: "Boy wanted who has fully
rested himself, and not too intellectual"
When Henry was courting Sarah he
used to boas. that he had boss" girl !;
now that he is married he finds that he
has "boss," but he never mentions it.
'What is true bravery?' asks New
York paper. II is going 10 the front
door yourself when you don't know
whether the caller is dear friend,
book agent or man with bill.
"Yes, he was in here the night before
last. lie just came in and registered on
towel and went West" This was a po-
lite way Of saying railroad man had
come in and washed his face.
A volatile miss lately ate four
soft eggs at meal on bet. She stated
the next day that people who have
merely swallowed bad oysters don't
know what il is to be sick.
When Jones heard it remarked that
the less man drank in warm weather
the cooler he was, he wanted to know
how much drink he would have to 20
without in order to freeze to death.
An exchange says that Earl Dufferin
has been presented with the insignia of
the Order OF Bath" which is very neat
way Of stating that his lordship has been
presented with bar of soap.
Too heavy to carry.--"Bah Jove % ex-
claimed young Dudiboi, "the weathah is
getting 30 hot, yer know, that must
have the ferrule taken off my cane. It's
too beastly heavy for warm day, yer
know"
"When are you going to make me that
pair of new boots / ordered ?" asked Gus
DeSmith of his shoemaker. "When you
pay me for the last pair / made YOU"
"Whew can't wait so long as that l
must trade somewhere else"
The experience ofNaomi, the daughter
of Enoch, should not be forgotten by
American girls. She declared that she
would not marry any one who was not
Just perfect" and she did not get hus-
band until she was $50 years old.
Yes said the young gentleman,
Charlie has put slur-a deliberate slur
upon me-" "What was it?" "Intro-
duced me to his girl" "How's that
slur 2" "Why, isn't it equivalent to say
ing, oh, you're of no account there's no
danger of you cutting me out'?"
First small boy doubling the truth of
second ditto's plain, unvarnished tale)-
"Will you take your oath it's true?" Sec
ond ditto-"Oath Course | will" First
small boy-"Will you tai e your diving
oath ?" Second ditto-"Dyingo oath. WHY
not?" First small boy-"Will Won bet
five cents ?' Second ditto, hesitatingly-
well, no--o-o; l won't bet five cents"
The man that runs al auction
And watches for nod,
Must either he near sighted,
Or else he's very odd
For when you bid on something
lie smiles with sweet content,
And be thinks you nod dollar
When you only nod assent
When Poots started down town. the
other evening, he told his wife that he
would have to do some night work here
after il he expected to ge. ahead in the
world. "This what you call getting
ahead ?" demanded Mrs. Poots. when she
let her inebriate spouse in the next
moning at three O'Clock. "Betcberiitei
Got head bigger'na (hic) was-tub,, /, was
the response.
There was yonng damsel, oh, bless her,
Itcost very little 10 dress her.
She was sweet as a rose.
In her everyday clothes,
But had no young man 10 caress her
Because you sec, she had given the mitten to
the only fellow In the neghborhood. and
the amount of ofswcetness she was therefore
obliged 10 waste upon the desert air
wassimply enough to distress her
Converted by Lightning.
Montezums sGs.) Record.
Up in Houston county there is a young
man-yho has heretofore borne the repu-
tation of,heing the wickedest fellow in
the section where he lived. A very in
teresting revival took place not long ago
and much interest was ne nss>sted. One
of the ministers approached rS,e young
man and asked if he had bible and he
replied negatively. The good man ad-
vised him TO buy one and take il home
and read it, He said he had no money