Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1883-02-23
miscellaneous.
WOMAN-MARKTWAIN's LATEST

Mark Twain responded to the toast
on "Woman-God Bless Her, at the
Forcfathers' Day celebration of the New
England Society of New York, recently
as follows:
The toast includes the sex universally.
It is to women, comprehensively, where
soever she may be found. Let us consider
her ways. First comes the matter of
dress. This is most important consid-
Grafton, in a subject of this nature, and
must be disposed of before we can intel
ligently proceed to examine the pro-
founder depths of the theme. For text,
let us take the dress of two antipodal
types-the savage and the cultivated
daughter of our high modern civiliza.
ton.
Among the Fans, great negro tribe,
woman when dressed for home, or to
90 to market, or to 60 out calling, does
not wear anything at all but just her
complexion That is all. That is her
entire outfit 1t is the legitimate cos
tune of the world, but it is made of the
darkest material. 1t has often been mis-
taken for mourning. 1t is the trimmest
and neatest and gracefulest costume that
was ever in fashion; it wears we'll; it
doesn't show dirt. You don't have to
send it down town to wash and have
some of it come back scorched with the
f1atiron, and some of it with the buttons
.ironed off, and some of it petrifed with
starch, and some of it chewed by the
calf, and some of it rotted with acids,
and some of it exchanged for other GUS
toners things that haven't any virtue but
holiness, and ten-twelfths of the pieces
oyer-charged for, and the rest of the
dozen mislaid And it always fits; it
is the perfection of a fit And it is the
handiest dress in the whole realm of
fashion. 1t is always done up. When
you call on Fan lady and send up your
card, the hired girl never says, "Please
take seat madam is dressing she
will be down in three-quarters Of an
hour" Nc, Madame is always dressed,
always ready to receive, and before you
can get the door-mat before your eyes,
che is in your midst. Then, again, the
Fan ladies' don't go to church to see
what the others have got en-; and they
don't 90 home and describe and SANDER
| it.
Such is the dark child of savagery as
to everyday toilet; and thus, curiously
enough, she finds point of contact with
the fair daughter ofcivilization and high
fashion, who often has nothing to
WEAR and thus these widely separated
types Of the sex meet upon common
ground. Yes such is the Fan woman as
She appears in her simple, transformations
every-day toilet But on state occasions
she is more dressy At a banquet she
wears bracelets; at lecture she, wears
earrings and belt; alta ball she wears
stockings, and, with true feminine fond
ness for display, she wears them on her
arms. AT u funeral she wears jacket
of tar and ashes; at wedding, the
bride who can afford it puts on panta.
looms. There the dark child of savagery
and the fair daughter of civilization meet
once more upon common ground anC
these two touches of nature make the
whole world kin.
Now we will consider the dress of oul
other type. A large part of the daugh
ter Of civilization is her dress, as it should
be. Some civilized women would los'
half their charm without dress, and some
would lose all Of it. The daughter o.
modern civilization, dressed at her utmos
best, is marvel of exquisite and beauti.
full art and expense All the lands, al
the chimes and all the arts are laid unde
tribute to furnish her forth Her liner
is from Belfast; her robe is from Paris
her lace is from Venice or Spain o
France her feathers are from the re.
mote regions of Southern Africa; he
furs are from the remoter home Of tn
iceberg and the aurora; her fan iron
Japan her diamonds from Brazil he
bracelets from California her pearls sron
Celon her canoes from Rome. She ha
gems and trinkets from buried Pompeii
and others that graced comedy Egyptia
forms, that have been dust and ashe
! now for forty centuries; her watch j
e from Geneva; her card-case is iron
China; her hair from, from, from
don't know where her hair is from
i never could find out. That is her othc
e hair--her public hair-hcr Sunday hair
| don't mean the hair she goes to be
with. Why, you know the hair mean
it's that thing which she calls switch AN
resembles a switch as much as it rescu
!, bles brick-bat or a shot gun, or an
/, other thing which you correctpeople with
It's that thing which she twists and the
c coils round and round her head bcc-hiv
+ fashion, and then tucks the ends in ur
der the hive and harpoons it witha hail
pin. And that reminds me of trih,
: Any time you want to you can glanC
!, around the carpet OF Pullman car an
/ 60 and pick up hair-pin but, not to say