Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1883-03-02
His Pa is Discouraged.

and backed up against the coal stove
TO get warm. Everything has gone
wrong since you got to coming here.
and think you are regular Jonah.
| find salt in my sugar, kerosene in the
butter, the C dish is all picked off,
and there is something wrong every
time you come in here. Now, you
leave
L amt no Joner,' said the boy, as
he wiped his nose on his coat sleeve,
and reached into barrel for snow ap-
pie. Il never swallered no whale. Ii
you 60 back on me now. won't have
a+fiend, except my chum and a dog,
and | swear 10y my halidom that |
never put no sand in your sugar or
Kerosene in your butte. | admit the
Irlckir G off Of the Goldfish, but you can
charge 1t to ia, the same as yen did
the eggs that ! pushed my chum into
last sumner, though | thought you
did wong in charging Christmas
prices ior dog day eggs. When my
chums ma scrapel off his pants she
SAID there Was not an egg represent, d
on there that was less than two years
old. The Sunday school folks have
all gone back on ne since put some
kyan pepper on the stove, when they
were singing Little Drops of Water,
and they all had to 60 out doors and
air themselves, but | didn't mean to
let the pepper drop on the stove. l
was ust holding it over the stove to
warm it. when my chum hit the funny
bone of my elbow. Pa says l am a
terror tocats. Every time pa says any
hing it gives me new idea. | tell
you my pa has got great brain, but
sometimes he don't have it with him.
When he said was "a terror to cats, |
thought what fun there is in cats, and
me and my chum went to stealing cats
righ; off, and before night We had
eleven cats Gagged We bad one in a
canary bird cage, three in pas hat
bikes. three in mas band boxes, four
in yalises, two in u trunk, and the r. st
in closet up stairs. That night pa
said he wanted me to stay at home, be-
cause the committee that is going to
get up an oyster supper in the church
was gong TO meet at our house, and
they might want TO send me on errands.
| asked him if my chum couldn't stay
too, cause he is the healthiest infant
to run errands that ever was, and pa
said he could stay, but We must re-
member that there mustn't be no
monkey business g,ing on. / told
him there shouldn't be 10 monkey
business. but i didn't promise nothing
about cats. Well. sir, you'd II dide.
The C, mmittee vas in the library, by
the back stairs, and me and my chum
got The cat boxes all together ut the
top Of the stairs, aud We took them all
ont and put them in clothes basket,
and just us the minister was speaking,
and telling what great good was
done by these oyster sociables, in bring
ing the young people together, and
taking their minds from the wicked
ness of the world, one Of the old tom
cats in the basket gave 'purmeow
that sounded like the wall of a lost
soul, or challenge to battle. told
my chum that We couldn't hold the
bread board over the clothes basket
much longer, when two or three cats
began to yowl, and the minister stop
ped talking, and la told ma to open
the stair door and tell the hired girl
TO see what was the matter up there.
She thought our cat had got shut up
in the stair door, and she opened the
door to yell to the girl, and then
| pushed the clothes basket, cats and
all. down the back stairs. Well, sir,
s,p Sc no committee for an oyster sup
per was ever more astonished. | heard
ma fall over willow rocking chair,
and say scat and | heard pa, say,
well, | be dam d. and girl that
sings in the choir sag, Heavens, l am
stabbed then my chum and me run
to the front of the house and come
down the front stairs looking as in
nocent as could be, and We went into
the library, and | was just going to
tell pa if there was any errands he
wanted run, my chum and me were
just aching to run them, when a yell
low cat without any tail was walking
over the minister, aud pa was Ihrowing
a hassock at two cats that were claw
ing each other under the piano, and
nra was trying to get her frlzzeS back
on her head, and the choir girl was
standing on the lounge with her dress
pulled up trying to scare cats with her
striped stockings, and the minister
holding his hands up, and | guess he
was asking blessing on the cats, and
my chum opened the front door and
all the cats went ont. Pa and ma
looked at M, and S id it wasn't me.
and the minister wanted to know how
SO much cat hair got on my coat and
vest, and cried, aud pa saws that boy
beats hell, and the minister said |
would be all right if | had been pro-
perly brought up, and then ma was
mad, aud the committee broke up.
Well, to tell the honest truth, pa bast
ed me and yanked me around until |
had to have my arm in sling, but
what's the use of making such fuss
about few cats. Ma said she never
wanted to have any company again
cause | spoiled rything. But | got
even with pa for bastlng Inc this morn
ing, and dassent go home. You see
ma has got great big bath sponge, as
big as a chair cushion, and this morn
ing took the sponge and filled it
with warm water, aud took the feather
cushion out of the chair pa sits in at
the table, and put the sponge in its
place, and covered it over with the
cushion cover, and when we all got set
down to the table, pa came in and set
down on it to ak a blessing. He
started in by closing his eyes and plac-
ing his hands in front of him like a
letter V, aud then he began to ask that
the food We were about to partake Of