The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-13
DON'T BE A cxARfNA.
Inesks Sun.l


 A report comes from Russia that one cf the imperial chamheriains commissed suicide on being discovered placing nihi,. is;ic documents in the bedroom of the osAfina. oi course, the ordinary nine spot reader has no idea what the documents were tha; were placed in the female csars bedroom. They may have been bombs, made et chemicals that would explode when water dropped upon them, and they may have been placed Tn her wash-howi. so ,ha, when she poured out water ~ith which ,o wash herself she would have been blown into sausage meat The documents may have been mechanical frogs. put ,a her bed. So AL ranged that when the warm body touched ,he ssoSs. the machinery inside would start aud blow the lady out of a window There are so many inventions for killing cfats, that the reader is al | loss tp know what particular tnerndiay ar explosive documents the hc-ohambermaid may have plAse ed there. hcfdre committing suicide. ku; these ta,nss, occurring sn often. should he a warning to our Amer iean ladies Ia never have yeasning to become esatinas. \ nl,ed States NO. man who can go to bed and sleep all night w.,hea, icu oi hcing blown sky high. and who can get up In the morning and pg, on hei clothes without niss haN- tng every gatmen, examined by an ex- pert ,o sec II they are loaded has one constan; pio-nie, though she be poor and aa,,tled compared 10 he constant an>tci, ot a cfaiina. who feels that there has been an crior somewhere II she gets all het clothes on without hcaIlng some thtns explode We should have pity toi tsnna. Think ola ciarina waking ap III the morning and tee.ng ot herself. ,n sec Ii she is all there. and after hnding that m ltmbs have been blown oii dus,ns ,hc nseh, sec het ralSe up hel head in a frightened manner and look a, hei clothes on ,hr floor. and wonder II the n.hlH>, he, hamhcrmald has mol come te he, toom ,n the stl wat, he, of the uight and hlied the hlllesy waste ui gat ncnis tha, she kicked oit the night bc terc. with seltacting. hrec hsloalinK tiNed ammunition. She has go, tsFpu; those clothes nn. and she fee.s that II n dollars io buttons that when she picks up an under garment from the loo, by the table lex. tha, she ~iil be blown through the root. In imagination the feaJet an see the esauna eIasl eaa.ieuat, out oi bed step ariGlly along the carpet. ~ith het eyes starting itom their sockets and take pan ai tnnss and piek up pan ot ianocen, drawers by the palui.lacr ium. ming and shake them. 4s she closes het eyes and turnS her head away in the hope if they explode she can save her face at least from being d,shgured. and he tecog. nlsed hy the meatnen ttnding this bifuic ated apparel to be free from the deadly bomb. she drops |, and with strange totebedlnYs takes hold ol the short slsceed garmen, m the rocking char. with the tnnRs. and with her heart tn het mouth she ~haeks it asainst the too,-boa of the bed. demonstrating that that. ,ea. IS na, loaded The work has only lus, begun. and though relieved she teels tha, in such a moment as she think. not. something Is gong to bust. and she apptoachca the ,ot.et ~ith ieat and trembling Iheie a,r auoh Aeilities in the ne. han,am ot tor,r, for the con. eealmcut of nhil,s,i, dos sumen,s tha, her whole soul is wrough, up. and she hes tates To touch the thing with the tongs, and half decades Ia leave the corset ofi. bu, ~hep she Tetice,s ,hai to dres, with.
 
 three .coru~fed. she conolud-s ,o 70 the whole corset ai none, and reaches for II ~sth the tonga One of the hooks of the corset a, hes on ,hc soap dish, and auses fatihHg winch the t1arina takes for inc prelude to an explosion, and she dfops the tonss and crawls under the bed and say her no~-l-Iay-me. but on hnding that il IA false alarm she era~is out and ta' kles tho eotse, again, and by banging !, against the head board of the bed hnds ,ha, II has no, been tempered with. Then she hshes her false teeth out oi A tnmblei with a button hook and ex- sm,nes them, takes het ha,f up with a hatr-pin and looks II oyef, takes Inc tall sioekings by thetf stspcndsss and flaps them agains, the wash.bowl tn see fl there Is any trisimas present of dynam. iie m them, kif ks her shoes across the room and a~aiis the eepee ted explosion. pn finding all of her clnh~. free from n'hilis'ie documents. ms luding the pock. cts of her dfess, which z nihtiIst couldn't ind ,o aave him. she pu,s on her clothes ~i'h feeling of con,entment tha, IS only broken when she goes do~n To bteakfas, especsing that the fnuakmrlon contains a gisn,-posder cartridge. the ,ofee has s,tychalne ln fl. and the rolls arc loaded for bear. |, mus, he featful fife oi ansieiy ,p be txaSina. and wr hope no Amcfican queen will ever s,gh for a pest- ton winch ~iii make hsr hair turn gray m A slngie night.
 ~e~