The Fremont County record., 1883-01-06

yraii sooch crazy poy,
snu Slhh vonce more / couid hay. rast
hu peaceful times enshoy.
but ven he WAS ashleep In ped
80 quiet rs q mouse.
Rrnys der Lord dake anydInes,
bui ienf dot fawcob Strauss
Inc way to beat the grave robbers is
favor cremation.
The last polka dot discovered on the 81,
Is 10000 miles in diameter
When man says "cold as bIazcsr h
means hot as ice. Take him rs he mean,
Beecher now leans to Darwinism. 1t
mighty poor day when Beecher hasn'
some new leaning.
cincinnati paper AYERS that womel
dress too hastily Tnis is certainly NOT
take OFF on the sex.
An ex-prize-fighter never dies Wb.,
he leaves the ring he opens a saloon anr
oniliyes all his friends.
When you read in the newspapers that .
politician Is brilliant but cratic. i, mean,
mat he can't let whisky alone
There Is a man in Chicago who can So.
Mary Magdalcne, and go her one better
MS naine Is actually Ninedevils.
What n bustling little woman YOU are >
SAID newly welded husband to his wife
"hiie she was adjusting her makeup.
If this escaped nun business is carried
on much further on the lecture platform.
people will soon begin TO wish none had
escaped.
Excuse me-" said an Arkansas gentle
man who accidentally tramped on a lady
st church festival thought you was
my wife"
Mrs Lang'rJ used 10 milk the cows and
calves at her jersey home. She mus, feel
quite at home surrounded by the veaIy
youths ofGotham.
IL sounds selfish to hear one OF our band
boss say when passing Adam wacker,s
saloon: Wait q minute outside ',ilI 90
In and &c; my horn"
An Alshama judge decided ,ha. \ ma,
VINO puts his sAtchel on q seat on the cars
reserves that seat-uniess the man who
moves It is bigger than be is.
An Iowa paper speaks OF n lovely oounle
VINO were ncighbor., but were separated
by cold cloud OF realism What Kind
oi new patent fence is thai.
.,o;re 10 look .; an aaisst aqd SEC thai, i,siaaa
nothing stronger than soda water.
The United states has s9O000.o00 in |
vested in fingor-rings alone and that
doesn't include those which certain female |
idiots slip on over their kid gloves
Since an intelligent jury indicted man
who shot his wife, by mistake, for stray
cal. a great many Connecticut husbands
have lost all confidence in the jury system.
Despite the complaints OF poor pay the
mombcrs OF the signal service stationed on
Pixies peak live higher than any aris,o-
cratic New Yorker or codiishy Bostonihn
A pretty girl in Vienna was made deaf
by kiss on the ear. Experiments have
been instituted to determine where kiss
should be delivered TO render woman
dumb.
Bob Ingcrsoil clsims TO he able to tell
what = man is Mt single glanoe, and yet
he let Washington boot black carry on
his ss,chcl Perhaps his ral. doesn't work
on boys
Chicago paper say. that at least one
third OF the unmarried dry goods clerks in
tina. city pain, their checks, and scores OF
them wear corsets aud cultivate sorrow-
ful look.
A New York divorce lawyers advertise
ment reads: Hymeneal incompatibilt-
ties, ~ q speciality, carefully adjusted Tis
slAvcry TO detain the hand after the heart
hath neds
A silk blanket for a New York poodle
costs SIG There seems to bc no store in
New York where the owner Of the poodle
can buy few ounces OF bTains for his own
private use.
A newspaper article Gays that the paper
of a genuine grecnback will stick 10 the
fingers. II this is 50 l never possessed .
true bill, for no bank note or other money
ever stuck 10 me.
IL is not true that the lady David Dayi'
Is 10 marry was once compositor on
newspaper. At tho same time IT must IN
admitted that she shows printers prefer
ence for n fat take.
Tho fellow who struck him must hav
frightened tho poor fellow clean out oi th
, country. Billy Patterson keeps saloo
in Islington, London. You can easily fin
this name is over the door
al do wish you would come home cal
lier,n said a woman TO her husband.
sm afraid to stay alone. ! always imagtn
that there's somebody in the house, bu
when you come know there amt"
"Never leave what you undertake unit
YOU can reach your arms around II an
cleuch your hands on the other side" sa,
y recently published book for young me
Very good advice; but what If si
screamsY
Laramie Boomerang: "a young ms
while under the influence of hallelu'
egg-nog last night, tried TO pawn BIB
for more Of the anti-ccolcs,astical cont
tiOn water, but was ucnteu tnc Eiorio
privilege by the smooth proprietor"
There arc 900, 900 grown people in II
country who can neither read nor Wi
hut when IL comes to talking about I
nonsense Of our public school system tn
can mako themselves heard half IN
away.
Ono of the aides on the military staff
the governor of Ohio has wounded hims
In the leg three different times while Il
ing TO draw his sword, but he is going
pcrserye until he can cooper the pro,
style when the legislature meets.
BillsNyc truly says butter is one OF
most gratifying results of the modern c'
but tho butter that Is calm, placid n
pacific on the top Of tho tub, gaining "
confidence and then rising up out of
bottom a. you get down ON il, and Gle
ing ont the whole family like an ar
with banners, is not the symbol OF Gl'
ous progress.