The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-05-25
MARKS CANNiBAL MEAL.
Twain Dine with the King Of Easter islands.


From TTain's bo1k, "Sersnieen Years IN Ia
pan aud Pdtdg0Ria."
The king OF Easter Islands, In the Pacific
Ocean and myself, we're dining together, aud
he was giving me the particulars Of feasting
In that region.
''Now, as regards missionaries" said the
king, reaectively scratching his head with
the fork which had presented 10 him. aud
which he had already learned to use great
deal, though not always in a strictly legiti-
mate way, "as regards missionaries, will
say that their landing here was unexpected,
but fastened 10 give them every protection
and | gave them full privilege TO teach.
They were the first whites that some of my
people had seen, and Of course these simple
natives had natural curiosity TO experiment
uponthem. | could not reasonably deny
them this little qualification, though coun-
seled them TO practice as little cruelty upon
the strangers as. was compatible with fair
desire for information and the necessity for
wholesome amusement. They removed
Johnson's ears, and that was a thing which /
regretted seriously, until II was explained to
me that great chiefs little sick child de-
sired them TO play with; and If you could
have seen how more contented and restful
the poor young thing was after It acquired
them, you would have felt how blessed
thing II was TO be able TO contribute TO the
happiness of even little child"
at was the impulse Of generous heart
1, N rit nf ity 10 In
beautiful. Ard how did johnson like IL ?"
"Ob, johnson said II was the will Of God.
II was like johnson TO say that. But the
missionaries were right well treated, on the
whole. The natives tried various interest
ing experiments upon them, such as scorch-
ing them and scalping them, and all that
sort OF thing, and killed one OF them my
self, not In ma lice, but because had curl.
Gus caprice TO see how he would 60 with
onions. He was q failure. Old and tough.
bination. Onions and infancy is my idea Of
comfort. But here comes dish which you
will like, my good haole--baked dog and
yams. Project your teeth in this direction
and nip this slice from the continuance which
you call fork. A man fine be anything of an
epicure IS bound TO like this dish. 1t is, par
excellence, the national dish, no luan is
complete without 1t. A luan is grand feast,
my friend--that is what 1t means.
Gas / was saying, the Kanakas expert
mented q good deal on the missionaries, in
the interest of science, and the experiments
were generally fatal, though / urged them
not TO waste the missionaries, for we could
not know when we would have another lot.
and it was he that sent home those damaging
reports 10 your countrymen when he spoke
Of the treatment of his brethren In a peevish,
fault-6nding spirit, ill-becomingto his sacred
calling"
at was pitiful in that Williams, after all
you had done bis party"
~ should say SO. But never mind, let's be
cheerful, anyway. How are you making
out? Let me help you to a fried plantain.
Take some more Of the pup. No? Try
some Of the human charm You'll like him.
He was a FrenchmaD, a splendid chap
young and hearty, beautiful TO look upon.
Do you prefer white meat or dark? Let me
help you TO soms of the breast. All, me,
have known this youngster for thirteen
years--fshed with him, sailed with him,
swan with him, gave couple Of my sisters
and four aunts TO him. loved him. He was
always good. lie 10 good now"
Takipu nm N fra ynant r. his at hr,fhar
in.law the king took bite, and then gazed
long and pensively on the remainder, until
by and by the muscles Of his mouth began
10 twitch with emotion, and presently two
or three great tears welled from his eyes and
coursed down his cheeks. Then, in q chok-
ing voice, he murmured:
"Alas, they have fried him."
laid down the breast-bone of the de-
ceased and burst into tears also. Such Is
the sympathetic power Of grief 1t was moth
ing TO me whether they fried him or broiled
him; II was nothing TO me how this poor
foreigner was cooked; was only eating him
out Of vain curiosity; and not because I
loved him, not because respected him, not
because wished to curry favor with his rel
atives. Yet wept.
"They have fried him." said the king.
"Alas poor Gautier. However, let us cheer
up, let us be content. But will have my
cook for breakfast for this--and will fry
him and see how he likes 1t. But don't be
idle, sir--take some more of the fried
Frenchman. ought to be ashamed to offer
you such dish, but you see how am situ-
ated. He ought TO have been baked, this
fellow ought. We always bake French
man.. we never think of frying him. / wish
you had known this fellow--so kind, so gen.
tie, 30 loving, and you see yourself how ten
der he Is. But that Williams business; !
wish you would straghten up that for me
when you 20 to America. If your people
could only know the facts OF the case they
would not blame me. IL is little hard, az
ter / have spent all these years In building o
good name, TO have 1t all knocked In the
head by this shabby adventurer. Now, what
he has called "a hldeous revel,' and q feast
Of demons, and all sorts of vile and wicked
names, was nothing In the world, give you
my sacred honor, but simple bocue-sev-
enteen old, crippled natives-no account un-
der the sun, just an expense to the commu-
nifty, and fricasseed them TO give little
treat TO some visiting town chiefs (aldermen
you call them In your country, who were
here for day or two from Wonga Island,
Feast of Demons I" indeed Feast of dried.
up, skinny old rapscalliops that the island 10
athousand times better of with put, and
am sure II was honorable In us TO be hospta-
BILE To those strangers. Though, between
YOU and me, II was an awful swindle on
'em. Tough? oh, don't mention 1t. More
cholera morbus and indigestion, and general
suffering among those chiefs, you never saw
the like of 1t in your life. Now, Twain, you
see what truth there was In Williams state
ments--all that row about nothing. You
can set this thing right In your country, you
can do 1t easy; simply just explain the facts,
and anything can do for you I'll do 1t, you
may depend on me. Send me acopy ofyour
weekly. can't read 1t, but little lf:era-
ture can't hurt man anyhow"
A Little "shop" Talk.