Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-05-07

however, Lnelr arGlnCoS are SO SnaI-
low, and of such a ridiculous nature,
that man just wants to laugh out
right in spite of himself. An incident
of this kind / will now describe under
the title of the man who was
GREATLY SURPRISED.
"Good mornin' p
"Good morning.
This salutation was given by a
seedy looking individual, with long,
shaggy, black hair, unkempt whis-
kers, piercing black eyes, and a
mouth, which, when it opened, re-
sembled the crater of Vesuvius. He
gave it with an artistic wave of the
right hand Immediately upon enter
ing the door, after which, he advanc-
ed with regular military step up to
the counter, gave another wave of
the hand, and said:
GA pencil-please?"
l gave it.
''Paper-please!"
/ gave it.
He took the pencil, and after max
ing few imaginary fiourishes above
the paper preparatory to writing, re-
fectively said: "Now-let-me-
see; yes-gentian, thoroughwort,
sunni savy, calumbo, wormwood, al
kahol. That's the hull of the receipt
without mistake. Ever take that
bitter, mister? No? Well, that beats
the Dutch. I'm surprised. 1t makes
one of the best bitters-yes sir-it'll
knock your patent stuff higher'n a
kite. Try it; an if it don't take
that yaller look right out of your
countenance, you can chalk me down
for liar. Try it, mister
told him / would.
Let's see; where did / leave off.
Oh, yes, gentian, l OF; thorough
wort, the same; sunni savy, ditto !;
calumbo, likewise; wormwood, as
aforesaid; alkahol, pit. Now gen.
tian and calumbo-'' talking refec-
lively, and erasing the names as he
went along-s'can be omitted; thor
oughwort an wormwood-is in the
garden; an sunni savy-is in the
house. Alkahol seems to be the ar
ticle needed. You can put up one
quart, please" said he, producing
the bottle.
s'Can't do it, replied.
''Sho! you don't say; why not?'
son account of the law.
"Law-law; arn't you an agent p
"No."
ssSho! I'm surprised. Why
really-you surprise me. Not an
agent? Surely must have been mis-
informed. You say, you are not an
agent?'
s'That is what I said.''
'sSho then of course you can't
put it up. | supposed-of course
l supposed you was the agent. Must
have been mistaken; l must, that's
fact. There is an agent, of course
Please direct me to his place at once,
said he, taking up the bottle and
starting for the door.
ssThere is no agent in the place."
"Sho! you surprise me still more
No agent in the placer
81 said that, l believe"
"Well, that beats the Dutch. Her.
I've driv' five miles SOS to get tina
liquor accordin' to law, and now fnt
I'm off the track. I'm astonished
Must have that alkahol, though, if
takes leg. Say, couldn't you pu
it up by putin little somethin' int
it?'
"That's according to what yo
want put into it,
"Is-hey? Well, now, see here
Put in little lie of wormwood
how'll that do?''
s'That will be all right; but ho'
much?" / asked, wishing to hav
him state the amount.
r "Well, s'posin' you put in a
ounce; is that bisness?'
L ssThat will be all right, only sal
q /, with sinister smile, ''you naustaa
drink it,"
. ssMustn't! Now don't you ju:
t worry about that. don't drin
only-hem-when I'm threatene
s with the chills. So if you're. afraie
is jest put in bitter enough to max
/ yourself feel safe Reckon an oune
won't knock the vim out of quar-
/ anyhow
TO-. sAnd you want one quart with a
le ounce of the oil of wormwood p'
in?"
N s.Yes. that's what | said, didn
10 I? Put 'er up
d | did as requested, and he departe
ct with the same military step, and Il
same artistic wave of the hand as
e, gave me upon entering. ] am sor
n to state, however, that the effects
that one ounce of the oil of worr
as wood, has caused that man to fe
ly bitter toward me ever since.
DAVID HILL.