Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-11-15
WIT AND HUMoR.

about in the scriptures.
Fogg says his conscience never
troubles him. Why should it? He new
er troubles his conscience.
1t would have been a crushing blow TO
dime-novel worship if Frank James had
been convicted and hanged.
A New Yorker calls Chicago an "out-
lying town The title may be deserv
ed, but there are n number of towns in
the West that can outlie it.
A gentleman the other evening OBJ
jected to playing cards with a lady be-
cause, he said, She had such a winning
way about her.
A paper steamboat is soon to be
launched on the Ohio river. They'd bet
ter not make ii of blotting-paper if they
want any river left,
Married bliss: Husband Qondly)-
Are YOU as happy as you were before
we were married? Wife (tenderO-
Much happier. for | know so many
more gentlemen now.
Oscar Wilde writes of the Michael
Angelesque appearance Of a London
policeman. But the appearance of the
New York policemen is merely Michael
osque.
Nothing ironical really meant 'Is
that gentleman friend of yours?n ask
ed a newly-introduced lady Of another
Mt a reception. 20 no, he's my hus-
band was the innocent reply.
The little things make up life. The
touch of hornet will move David
Davis quicker than a petition a mile
long could move him. -Ne5O orleans
Ptcaglt1se.
When an Oakland (Cal) girl goes
into a shoe-store with Il sweetheart she
winkS at the clerk and asks for Lang
try twos Then they take her into
the backyard and try them on.
New York has champion rat-catch-
er. He has his picture published in
the papers along with other champion
singers, club-swingers and statesmen
Ne10 Orleans Picayune
Greek? do / underestimate Greek?"
said jolly German. "Yell, / schoost
can schmile. Wy, ven | vas leedle
poy | always swim in dot greek insteadt
of dot ritfer
Eyes" said the actor "what l OBJ
jected to was this: Tomatoes are said
TO produce cancer, and when this audi
ence began to pelt me with 'em, felt
they were exposing me to that dread
disease
A Stratford, Connecticut, woman
dreamed that she saw her husband kiss
ing certain neighbor' wife, and She
awoke and struck him across the face
and broke his nose. Man is nowhere
safe
"Were YOU in the late warp asked n
veteran of a badly demoralized citizen
who came hobbling down the street on
a crutch Il don't know how late you
mean. " was the sad reply; "but she
gave me this one last night before tea.
An Arizona man at funeral under
took to enter n carriage which he found
empty, but man with revolver stop
ped him with you cant git in thar
that hacks reserved for the corpse's
cousin.
The Boston Post thinks "it kind of
breaks up the girl at the summer resort
to have him naiyely ask her, What ;
going to be your little dodge to avoid
recognizing me when we meet in the
city?'
We have every reason TO doubt the
existence of the Giant Causeway and
the wonderful cliffs which are said to
line the northern and western coasts of
Ireland, rs the island is well known to
abound in shamrocks.
Uucle Remus on courtship: "Man
want gal, he DIES got ter grab er-dats
wat Dey may squat en- dey may tlut-
ter, but flutter'n en- squallin' amt done
no damage yit es | knows I'm, en- faint
gwine ter. "
Longfellow said: I'm this world u
man must be either anvil or hammer. "
Longfellow was wrong, however. Lots
of men are neither the active hammer
nor the sturdy anvil They are nothing
but bellows.
An old bachelor recently gave the
following toast; "Woman-the morn
ing-star of infancy, the dav-star of man
hood, the eyening-star Of age. Bless
our stars, and may they always be kept
at telescope distance. "
Have YOU published that interview
with me about my new theater?" ask
ed n Boston manager of his secretary
Il have. was the reply. Then con-
tradict it tomorrow. | must be adver-
tised. "
There is said to be one young woman
in theWest whom General Sherman has
not kissed We didn't suppose there
was young woman so homely in all
the land But perhaps she crawled in
to the loft when the General came along
that way.
A shameful waste: II see that there
is hail five feet deep in Iowa said
Wall-street broker to barkeeper. It's
great pity" replied the cocktail con-
juror ''Why SOP" asked his customer
Because it's shame to supply so
much cracked ice to prohibition state. "
A rich sensation has just been spoiled
at St. Louis. A wealthy young lady Of
that city had fully made up her mind to
run away with and marry her fathers
coachman, when at the last moment she
discovered that the coachman wouldn't