Huntsville gazette., 1883-05-12
spoopendyke Turns Printer.

Mrs. Spoopendyke, dropping the storS
and rushing to her husband SIDE, "and
can't we do the loveliest things with IT,!
1t is the kind that the Herald and san
and all those papers are printed with.
i. ..Oh,s yes, Mrs. Spoopendyke,
growled her husband, ''you We. hit 1t eX-
aactly This is the very kind. 1 got
MIR. Bennett to kindly try it on, so as to
oct it the same size as the Herald IS
printed on.
..And will YOU print papers with yours
like Mr.. Bennett and the other editors?'
continued Mrs. Spoopendyke timidly.
..Oh. but won't |, thought yelled
her husband. at needed dod-gasted
female idiot to think of that, you We
struck the proper plan. Think you can
print 5Ox6O show bill with SKI press?
Well, l tell ye that ye cant Can ye
get it into your neasly head that this Is
card press, and can only print card
three inches by four inches?"
..'Oh, it's a card press, is itF3 ven
tured Mrs. Spoopendyke; 'sthen we can
print those beautiful Christmas cards
on it, can't we?"
..Now YOU'VE got it, yelled her hus-
band, that's the idea. 4 1t. prints in
thirty-five different colors at one impress
sion, and any design, from the picture
of an old crank with a sealskin over
coat, loafing round somebody chimney
with game-bag full of jumping-jacks,
to the New Year, 1888, represented by
hump-backed baby dressed in broad
grin, with napkin tied round his waist,
driving out the old year dressed as an
old tramp with moving machine and
a gallon Jug of whisky under his arm.
That's the idea, exactly. Think you
can print chromos and Autographs on
it, dom you? Well, you can't. You
can only print one color, and that is
black Think you grasp it now?'
''Well," said Mrs Spoopendyke, Il
suppose you can print visiting cards on
tips
..Yes, Mrs. Spoopendyke, I can, >
said her husband, in softer tone, and
he grew in much better humor as he
proceeded to show his wife the press
and exhibit his dexterity in the use OF
the type and the press. t6 -'@5
At last he got his worthy helpmeet's
name set up in type, and proceeded to
put the chase on the press with grand
flourish But in an evil hour he had
forgotten to key it up, and at touch
the whole business went to pi, and at
the next fell in confused mass all over
the carpet.
''Why, what makes it do that said
Mrs Spoopendyke, laughing.
..What makes it do what, Mrs. S. ?''
sneered her husband as he hit his head
on corner of table in mad dive af-
ter the type. ..What dye s'pose makes
it do it! What makes anything do any
thing? If had your talent for asking
idiotic questions I'd get glass of beer
and a three-inch paper collar, and live
out as a prosecuting attorney.
By this time the worthy gentleman
had got the name set up and securely
fastened, and was printing with great
gusto; but he had, unfortunately, set the
types in wrong order, and the first
eight perfumed visiting cards came out
like the following: ~r eaAl4-z9 @
.ekyd'aePoopS .srN
When Mrs. Spoopendyke saw it she
set up a little scream; ''Oh, isn't that
funny, thought What makes it wrong
side upp"
Funny" howled her husband, with
horrid derision, as he grasped the situa-
tion. Its a perfect thunderbolt of fun
It's the most delicious humorous thing
vertisement of liver pills on the cover,
and a joke about a goat on the first
page. to be comic almanac. With
Your appreciation of humor, all you
need is a broad grin and $4,000 worth
of stolen diamonds, to be the leading
coincidence of the American boards.
Can't you see the measly types turned
wrong9 They have only got to be
turned round the other way"
After half an hour Of diligent labor
the types were again in position, Sc
curely keyed up, and put on the press.
When the final arrangements were
completed, Mr.. Spoopendyke turned
round to wink at the baby, and incau-
tiously left his thumb over the edge OF
the press. As luck would have it, Mrs.
Spoopendyke, in her anxiety to show
her husband how well she understood
and appreciated the press. brought the
lever down and the press closed on
that gentleman thumb, making him
jump four feet high and utter an ex-
clamation that would have made the
second Lieutenant of company OF
pirates blush. ''Dod-gast the measly
printing press" he shrieked, as he
smashed the base burner with it, and
then he threw it into the allev
Haven't We got any sense scarcely;
Why didn't you go on with the enter
tainment? The measly thing only go
as far as the bone. Why don't We fin
ish the chapter?' and Mr.. Spoopendykt
danced upstairs, five at time, with {
parting injunction to his wife to hire
out for slaughter-house.
WELL" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, a:
she picked up the baby, and put {
pitcher of water where her husband
would be sure to fall over it when b,
went down stairs in the morning, ii
we have SO much trouble in printing
one word, / wonder how Mr.. Bennett
gets along with a whole newspaper t,
print. "-Staniey Huntley, IN Brooklyn
Eagle.
l AT a sale of autopraphs in Nau