Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1883-08-04
TUE sCHEUg or 4 REyORBER.
4 R"mbiiDD RiDmoroie.

am reformcr theoretically have been
one ever since can remember When ] was
4 small boy, | was full u schemes fuf the
benefit 81 my fellow small children. | fcmem.
Der one plan in particular. because it gained
me ,omC local celebrity al the time. | early
acquired profound pity for those unfortunate
rcd.headei children who became thereby the
target, u juvenile ndiculc.
One day came home and found that
Deacon GOOdhue and Brother Blakslcc had
happened IN totca Ncsi io her only nephew
best loved ministers. When IL was practicable
she always had The nrhoIoS i'incrint of the
long circuit from San Francisco To san Lean
dro home for Sunday dinner, and Dean Good.
hue that wa before BE- married used to
come along "ius f1r luck he said
! remember that evening distinctly. ipr
several reasons In he jri place. We had
flied chicken llr tea; and remember 1t was a
yellow legged pullct that was killed. because
She was plump, and would cut up tender. and
because nothing was top good iar Brother
Blakslcc.' ~ The second place. Deacon
Goodhue 'ic % many sweet potatoes thlt thef,
were none lclt for me. 10 the third place.
because u the sequel.
soon after W had taken our seats. Deacon
Goodhue began To talk about missionary work
In the Islands, and what q blessed thing IL was
10 give and receive; and how the raging
heather in thg islands "way OF in the bu.nm
81 the Vastly deep which was a very fne way
Of covering up the dcacons lack Of geographi.
cal lore were " bowin' down in their blind.
ness to sticks an stones an Sich;' and how
much they needed some one To go and preach
10 themi and wouldn't Brother BlaLslce like
10 90 : But Brother Blakslce thought he could
do a heap ol good in "that there circuit, +" as
he ri lei IL. A
deacon and The minister were both rather fond
Of my Aunt Catherine
When they had told all they knew about the
poor heather, thought it was time to spring
my scheme on EN-, 80 opened fire with this
poin, black question to my deaf good aunt
" say, auntie, don't you think it would he
nice to build school Tor red headed little
boys and girls ? Then nobody couldn't call EN-
brick top or Carrots or sirawbcft,
blonde OF 'blakes.' When you die, aunle,
want you To leave me all your money, and
your tcn-acrc lot up at Muuay's Corner, and
I'll build the biggest school for linnet heads
you ever saw.
Aun, Catherine bushed and looked uncom
Portable. and Brother Blakslcc cnuphed; hut
Deacon Goodhuc laughed feeble, raspinr
ehuckle, and said "Why Taft, you'd burn il
down the hrs, time you forgot To put your head
under the pump before going to bed"
That was more than had bargaincd for;
wanted to sink through the floor: | waited foI
the Others To laugh, but they didn't fincied
my aunt looked coldly at the deacon and
Brother Blakslec said "My dear Alfred,
your principles do you great deal Of credit:
should be proud to call you my nephew, and
then he looked sleeps eyes at my aunt, and
she looked sleeps eyes back. The deacon
went home alone that night, aud it wasn't
many months before Brother Blakslec did call
him "nephcw"
So one OF my early reform schemes did some
good, whether any little children excep, my
self were benefited by i, or not.
have told that brief circumstance ut some
length, because wish to establish my status
as a theoretical rcformcr, and to prepare the
citizens OF Honolulu for this IDEAL scheme
wan, 10 establish the sicsta in Honolulu
upon the following basis Open stores and
business houses at from six to eight A. NJ.
Close them from eleven till two, keep them
open again from two till half past SIX Between
those hours let all men, 10y royal etlict, rest
Let them sleep, doe, snoozc, loll, rccline, sit.
Let the poet OF the Gazette delay his delving in
the rich mines of old Hawaiian mclcs. Let the
rabid rhymscr OF the Press dcoderikc his pun.
gent pen. Let the locomotive thinker OF the
Bulletin, whistle "down brakes" Let the
pious pilgrim Of the Advertiser refrain from
irksome determination. lie, pastors and
bau'sters forge, then disputations Let cooks
forbear to pcrspire, and hotel clerks forget to
put on style. Let the roustabout and his boss
desist to haggle about wages. Let the picbald
prisoner neglect to oyerwlr himself upon the
clustering pave. In the language Of the poet
:" Give US a rest
said professional man to me, only las.
night, 81 believe il would pay. believe Just
much would be sold lust as much realized
and twice as much comfort promoted, as by
the existing order of things. Said business
man to whom ! repeated the plea Of the pro.
iessional, 81 endorse that writn
Let us then organize the Siesta Society Mr.
Ellis will procure loru the charter Mr. Nolte
will lend the scheme the weight OF his infu.
ence. Mr.. Charles Warren Stoddard will lend
us his valuable example, Let us then initiate
the "whoop up" ALFRED HARpIE.