The Lincoln County leader. [volume] (White Oaks, Lincoln County, N.M.) 1882-189?, 1883-05-26
Bill Nye on Passes.

Bill Nye on Passes.
Bill Nye has been laboring re-
Gently on the form OF a letter to be
used in addressing a soulless cor
poration relative to a pass, with
the following result:
Office of E'eedom'S Bugle Horn,
Wahoo Neb., May l, 1888. To
Hon. j. Q. A. Gall, General Pas
senger and Ticket Agent j. 1. M.
@. r. K. o. W. Railway, Chicago,
Ill. l have addressed you at this
moment tor the purpose of ascer-
tanning your mental convictions re-
lative to an annual pass over your
voluptuousl line. 1t will occur to
you instantly that, with the enor-
nous power in my hands, some
thing should be done at once to
muzzle and subsidize me. The BIZ
gle Horn stands upon the pinnacle
of pure and untarnished indepen-
dence; her clarion notes are ever
heard above the din of war, and in
favor of the poor, the downtrodden
aud the oppressed. Still it is my
solemn duty to foster and encour-
age a few poor and deserving
monopolists. l have already TAX
en- your road, and, 80 to speak,
placed it upon its feet. Time and
again have l closed my eyes to un-
pleasant facts relative to your line,
because l did not wish to crush q
youngand growing industry Last
fall you had a washout at Jimtown,
which was criminally ~inexcusable
in its character; but l passed silent
ly over the occurrence, that you
might redeem yourself. One Of
your conductors, an over-grown,
bald-headed pelican from Laramie,
a man of no literary ability, and
who could not write a poem to save
his measley, polluted soul from per
ditlon, once started the train out OF
Wahoo when | was within one
quarter of a mile from the depot,
and left me gazing thoughtfully
down the track, with a 150-lb hand
trunk to carry back home with me.
Another time when my pass and
pocket-book expired at about the
same moment, and | undertook tc
travel on my voluptuous shape,
red-headed conductor, whose sou
never walked the sun-lit hills O
potent genius, placed his foot il
the rear of my centre of gravity.
and elected me from the train while
it was in motion, and with sucl
vigor and enthusiasm that / rolled
down an embankment one hundred
feet with trightful rapidity and los
of presence OF mind. A large bot
tie of tansy and sweet spirit of love
which | had concealed about my
person to keep off malaria and rat
tlesnakes, was totally ruined; be
sides all this, my feelings wer,
hurt and outraged, as also were m,
pantaloons. l hushed these mat
tiers up; l kept them out of the pa
pers SO far as possible, in orde.
that your soulless corporation nigh
have a new lease of life. / nov
ask you whether, in view of tins
you will or will not stand in thu
pathway of your company's sue
cess. Will you refuse me a pass
and call down upon yourself thu
avalanche of my burning wrath
or will you grant me an annual
and open up such an r of pros
perlty for the j. l. NJ. @. r. r. o
W. Railway as it never befor'
knewl Do you want the aid ant
encouragement of the Bugle HOr7
and success, or do you want it
opposition and a pauper's grave be
meath the blue-eyed johnny jump
ups in the valleyl Should you en-
close the pass, l would be grateful
to you for any little suggestion
during the year as to what m,
fearless and outspoken opinion
should be, relative to your compa
ny. Hoping to hear from you fav
orab'y, l beg leave to wish you
very pleasant bon ViUant..
Very sincerely yours,
EPHRAM BATES,
Molder of Public Sentiment.