The Evening critic., 1883-04-09
SUICIDE PELLETS.
How the SbuiIiing on Process Way
be Made Easy and pcditiOus-An
Experiment on 70 Thomas Cat.

How the SbuIIiiug on Process Way
be Made Easy and xpcditious-Au
Experiment on n Thomas Cat.
A Washington man has just perfected an
invention which will rob suicide of its
horrors and make self-dostruction rapid aud
sure. The slow agony oil arsenic or other
poisons and the uncertainty of n pistol ball
or razor will figure in the near future as
matters Of barbarous age, aud the new
idea. Kings suicide pellets will loom up In
the suicide market like the unfinished
statue Of Washington in fog.
King, the inventor, is an innocent look
ing fellow and regular reader of the po-
lice picture papers. Kings suicide pellets
are also innocent-loOking little things,
about the size of an ordinary capsule. They
come three in box, with printed instruc.
tiOns, which inform the victim that they
are palatable. "The red pellet" says the
instructions, "is favored with peppermint !;
the white one with cinnamon, and the
black one with chocolate" On the inside
of the favored coating is mixture of
dynamite, gun cotton and other
Fenian SOOthing-Syrups.
forming u chemical combination with suili-
cient force to blow n human body into
atoms. Unlike other explosives, Kings in
vention will explode instantly upon being
wet therefore, after tho victim has selected
his favorite flavor and swallowed tho in
fernal machine, he would still have time to
write n farewell letter and meander out to
get n last glance at Nature before the capsule
covering had dissolved and the explosion
occurred. Imagine a man walking down
the street, conscious that he had
A Young Magazine i'm His Stomach,
and time fuse as it were, fizzing toward
the inevitable. His face would be study
of the horrible.
King, however does not take the same
view Of the matter. He said to The CRITIC
this morning: "There's nothing particularly
horrible about the final scene. It's not half
as horrible as cutting ones throat and con.
vertiDg tho bedroom into slaughter house
or blowing ones brains out and turning the
premises into battlefield. You must
know that IL is more terrible to live
when you want to die than it is to suddenly
disinteerate through the aid of my pellets"
Then King described an imaginary final
scene and proposed to illustrate the virtues
of his little machines. An innoccnt-loo
ing Z" Tom " cat with bland countenance,
rufllod hair, and no apparent desire to be
suddenly blown into the mysterious con-
fines of the happy feline hunting-grounds,
was procured and the way led to the COM
mons east of the Botanical Garden.
Tommy was then tied to an old tree
root and King, without reference to the
cats taste,
Rammed Chocolate Pellet Down
Ifs Throat.
1t is unnecessary to add that King and
THE CRITIC quickly withdrew to safe
distance to watch "Tom's' sudden stomach
ache The animal licked its chops in a
satisfied manner, and then took in the
Frogtown landscape in the misty distance.
II was his last view ofthings earthly, for in
another instant there was sudden cxplo-
sion like thunder-clap. as a cloud of
Dust, Bones, Flesh and Hair.
filled the surrounding atmosphere and a
section of the very-much separated feline
came whizzing past the watchers like a
conical shot from cannon's mouth. In
vestigation revealed the severe fact that
tom was no more, and all that remained
Of him was n tuft Of hair which had ad-
hered to the scord that held him like the
grasp of death to await the experiment.
$50 you see," said King, "there is moth
ing horrible about my pellets and they are
SO sure"
Decidedly sure" rcjoined THE Critic
as strong odor Of cat filed his nostrils
and shower of fragments and blood rat
tied down, "and not in the least horrible.
Good things for Irish druggists to sell to
English patients. Good day Mr.. King"