The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-11-29
WIT AND HUMOR.


an angel unawares. She must regis
ter and get her key like other people.
..He was kind friend and numer-
Gus father is the epitaph now popular in
Utah.
1t was young tailor who said, refer
ring to rival for the affection of a
Young lady, that he thought he knew
enough to be able to cut him out.
What with earthquakes, cyclones,
dynamite cartridges, leaky air-brakes
and old boilers, it is growing danger
Gus to live.
A little girl at Newport. seeing the
willow phaetons for the first time, ex-
claimed: "Why, mamma, everybody
rides out in their clothes-baskets herer'
..Were you ever in any engagement
inquired an innocent rustic of a great
militiaman. Eyes, ONE replied the
man of Mars; 'but she Tilted me-
A Philadelphia lawyer, too proud to
allow his friends to suppose that he
practices in the divorce courts, advertis-
es '.Misfit marriages speciality"
NO." said the clipping woman;
''there isn't the least likelihood that my
husband will discover our whereabouts.
He's New York detective. Boston
Post.
A young 1nan who played his first
game of base ball last week told the
doctor who sewed up his lip and glued
his ear together with court-plaster that
he hadn't had so much fun since he was
kicked on the spine by mule.
A Michigan youth, aged nineteen.
had fare-up with his girl, and, out Of
revenge, married the latter's aunt
fiat, fair and forty" 1t is the first
time aunty fat has been utilized as a
cure for broken heart.
Ex-Minister Schenck is made to say,
In Life, Twill you please state that Miss
Anderson is not the only dignified
American. /, too, have in my day, re-
fused to see the Prince of Wales, al
though at the time held three jacks.
They have an extraordinary police
force in Troy. A man was attacked at
night, stunned, carried quarter of a
mile and then robbed of his watch and
chain, money and diamond pin, hat,
clothes and shoes. The police recover
ed the shoes.-NeW York Sun.
A German accosted broad-brimmed
specimen from Texas on Wisconsin
street Sunday. "Who vos you, don't
know?' Looking the inquisitive Ger
man in the face he replied Il am a
cowboy" dots good replied our
German friend, Shake. I vos bully
boy, doo." They shook.-Peck's San.
"My daughter said an uptown
mother to her youngest, girl of IL,
Il wish you would not make up such
faces every time anything or anybody
displeases you; it isn't nice or at all
pretty" ''Mamma," earnestly plead
ed the miss, would you take away
from me the only pleasure have?"
so you really think the young man
who occupied the seat with you stole
your watch?" Eyes, SIR "Why do
you think so?'' Because he sat SO
close and pressed up to me-" 'And
why did you allow itP" 'Because-be-
cause-I thought he was making love
to me-"
A rural young lady visited the Phila-
delphia Geological garden, and when
that one of the monkeys spoke to her.
A girl who can't distinguish a dude
from a monkey should be given few
lessons in natural history. The mon
key is the most intelligent-looking but
doesn't wear such ridiculous clothes.
Now the magazine writers have be.
gun to poke fun at their boarding hous-
es-a subject the photographers have
worn threadbare. An article in the
November Harper is called "A Hashish-
house in New York" 1t strikes us,
though, that there too many letters in
hash. Or is that the way it ''ish''
spelled in New York?
Rev. j. W. Balm, preaching in Pitts.
burg, the other Sunday, about heaven,
said: ''There is no darkness there,
no clouds, no funerals, no preachers"
At this point smile ran over the audi
ence, which the speaker perceiving in
Iterpolated the remark, 81 mean there's
mo preaching there"
what does Mr.. L. do, Addie?' ask
ed young lady of her companion.
.'He takes photographs" replied A,
contemplatively. "Takes Photographic
Why, thought he was a stock-broker.
"Well, he may be stock-broker in the
daytime, but he took my photograph
out of the album the night before last,
and won't give it back to me-
Angelina, darling" said the duds
to the dudine. you're the apple OF my
eye." "You are flatterer, Adolphus.
Not at all, my dear; but when we're
together you're no longer the apple of
my eye" "Why?" because it takes
us both to form one pair, then. Ha!
ha! hap YES growled an old bach
elor who had heard the conversation,
"a pair of spoons. Cruel man!
In certain Arkansas dance-house
and saloon there is reversible motto
hanging against the wall. At the open
ing of the festivities the motto reads.
"God Bless Our Home" But as the
evening wanes, and knives and pistols
flourish in the air, the proprietor flaps
the motto over, and it reads, What
Will the Harvest Bep"-Er.
Two San Francisco women were at
law about a wedding dress, each claim
ing it; and the testimony is SO mixed
that the Judge can't decide. Let him
try Solomon's scheme with the women
and the badly! Let him threaten to spill
a plate of soup or dish of ice cream
on the dress; the woman who screams
and calls him "a mean old thing will
be the real owner-DetroH Free Press
There isn't sardine on this side of
the Atlantic ocean, and yet there are
three big sardine factories in full blast
on the coast of Maine. Now, how do
you make that out9 Easy enough, o
supplemented reader! easy enough;
''as easy as lying" in fact. One swal-
low does not make Summer, all that
glitters is not gold, and that which we
call sardine would be a herring had
be been allowed to swim year or two
longer. Burlington Halokeye.
Keeping up the conversation: At a
party the other evening there was a
lull in the conversation, which made
the host. who was inexperienced, some
what nervous. With a view to relief
he. 81 1.