The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-09-06
SHORT BITS.

IL Is the MOUllo IsoEAopOA "AASh cOA'SA
bly, thinks that il there was no newspa-
per notices of duels, duelling would
come to an end.
mo" said Philadelphia bride. II
am not willing that our wedding. tour
should include the Yellowstone Park.
Yellow don't agree with my com
plexion."
Three years constant study in Italy
will make an American girl know too
much to sing in church and too little
to be useful in opera.-New Orleans
Picayune.
Juh, the Chiricahua, does not pro-
nounce his name as if he were He
brew. He calls it "Hoo," but he is 80
downcast now that he doesn't know
who's Juh.
The most exquisite young man in
Chicago carries two umbrellas, one for
sunshine and the other for rain, chang.
ing their use from cane to shelter, a.
occasion requires.
There is only two classes of unmar-
ried women in society, "scrawny old
maids" and young "chits of girls" You
learn this by hearing each of the these
describe the other.
The Keeper of the Lime Kiln museum
reports that he had received from Mis-
souri, the skull of farmers hired man
who never yelled at yoke of oxen or
wanted to kill a mule.
Green apples, green apples. the grass grows 40
That me boys in the church yard can hardly
be seen;
Oh, mother, oh, mother. your boy is in bed.
II the doctor don't hurry, he'll surely be dead.
"Your composition" said oil Austin
school teacher to Johnny Fizzletop, lis
the worst IN the lot. You begin by
putting no period at the end of the
last sentence. Texas Siftings.
A bald-headed man, who has heard
that the hairs of mans head are mum.
bered, wants to know if there is not
some place where he can obtain the
back numbers. Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
"What is true bravery" asks New
York paper. 1t is going to the door
yourself when you don't know whether
the caller is dead friend, book agent
or a man with q bill.-Philadelphia
News.
1t seems that the Texas Siftings man
went to Texas to die of consumption and
lIvCu W OOComO q nuAOhAob' 4Ou OoA
form your own estimate of whether the
climate is to be praised or not.-Boston
Post.
A New England physician says that il
every family would keep box OF
mustard in the house one. half of the
doctors would starve. We suggest that
every family keep two boxes in the
house.
King Humbert of Italy, would like to
be reporter. Life is short. but there
are few thousand pencil-pushers who
would willingly exchange places with
HIM. Aftor his royal nihs had waited
week for q SO assignment he'd want to
WELD the seeptre again.
1t is stated tnat none OF Queen Vic
toria's children are allowed to see her
without specia' permission. Texas Stiff
ings suggests that she should charge ad-
mission-children full price, grand
children, half price, and thus get back
the money spent in raising them.
st. Paul claims the smartest preacher
in the country. He is Of the African
persuasion, and last Sunday he preached
two sermons and whitewashed butcher
shed, for which he received S5-that Is
for the wLitewashing. He Is said to be
as handy with the one as the other.
do you sell rotten eggs?' he asked Of
the market man. And then the market
man flushed up and made an ass Of him
self. and wanted to punch the head OF his
interrogation. and it took ten minutes for
him to find out that the man really
wished to purchase some bad eggs as he
was going to free love lecture.
st. Louis judge says that the boys
who become criminals are the boys who
do not get whipped. The St. Louis
judge is wrong, says an exchange. The
boys who do not get whipped become
rich and famous. Mr.. Sullivan is one OF
these boys"
"This soup, waiter, is cold. Can't you
bring me some warm soup?" why, sab,
you mus be mistaken, sab. Dat soup
was so hot that it took all the skin Of
my thumb, sab, when l fetched it ia,
sah." The stranger concludes that he
will forego the soup and take walk.
1--WE hate to be neutral in stirring
times when right and wrong are in ear
nest grNpple," says an eastern editor,
"but the fight Of two women clawing
each other is too solemn an occasion for
our taking hand in the scrimmsge,
and We breathe easier when wo have for
tilted our neutrality by placing few
fences between it and the seat Of war;"
Madama Hurtelle n lady of nosik;on