New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1883-03-09
RAD FOR THE PLANET.

BAD FOR THE PLANET.
II il very apparent that this planet has q
large and active lot of enemies. Schemes Tor
its ruin are developing on every hand We
need not remind our readers of the fact that
Virgins intends to shake it within an men
of its life tomorrow OF on Sunday. 1hey
know of that already, and are awaiting the ter
rible event with as much cOmposure rs IS pos
sible under the circumstances. Only lie"
DAVIS ago we received a circular, headed In the
largest and blacklist type: I" Crisis" The very
sight of il was enough to make nervous man
start on the run for an accident insurance
Office. The exact nature of the crisis we were
not able to ascertain, owing to the exuberant
and excited style in which the document was
written, but the soothing Information was
given mt the close that contributions of money,
sent to the address of the writer, would have
tendency TO avert the catastrophe Scarcely
had the shock of tins document passed away,
when two others we're received. One of thenl
comes from a weather prophet in Illinois, who
saws Virgins AMI VpnnOr are both cribbers from
his discoveries, and the other IL n pamphlet
with the startling title: Misunderstanding"
The weather prophet says he has been in the
business for fifteen years, and that his theory
searth disturbances occur coincding with the
sperihelions, aphelions, OppOsitiCns, inferior
and superior and group conjunctions OF the
q moon and planets, together with the moons
perieee and apogee passages-and which
disturbances are in proportion to the amount
q or number of these planetary disturbing posi-
tionsr That il PLAN enough. The prophet
SAYS modestly that il this theory is used with
reason and moderation, it is perhaps the most
useful discovery for mankind that has ever
sheen made in connection with the movements
u and positions of the heavenly bodies" Ii VIII
be observed that this prophet is opposed to
overworking his theory. He says, turning the
cold glitter of his eye upon Virgins and Ven-
nor: The weather pays no respect to via de-
mands upon it, or to enthusiastic humbugs."
That is harsh language, hut on the whole we
are glad he has used it. AZ the author and
originator of the astronomical weather pro-
phetic theory he speaks with authority, and his
words will have a pacifying effect upon the
public mind. Virgins has zealousy dissemn-
ated a notion that he cOnld do about as he had
a mind with the weather, and that II he were
irritated toe far lie might evoke cyclone
which would blow this Whole planet out OF ex-
istence. The Illinois prophet says this can't be
done that the weather Will not allow itself TO
Ice used for such ignOble purpose. The prophet
further assures us that the "new moon end it's
perigeer will coincide on March 9, and that is
the basis Of Wiggns's big blow on that date
but he adds tins observation: "Now the
chances are several to one that there will be
" series Of lively storms in the United States
sand perhaps in Europe between the Sth and
l.,.t I ltfssl- uasf hts Ina
worse storm of the century Ivy far" That is
rot 80 quoting as we Wish 1t WAS. but It Is
better than Virgins does by MS. The Illinois
rrophet means well. but be cannot prevent the
pcr ihelions, aphelions and other things from
getting mixed up with the pcrigees aud apo
gees Sooner or later that sort of coIncloing IS
going 10 do the business for this planet, If this
Illinois theory is sound.
Now we come to the document on World
Smashing,r and here there is dismal comfort
for any body. As soon ms this planet becomes n
mddle-aged world ike the moou,n It's "crdst
q will crack into long narrow chasms. the waters
= will fall into Theses, aud, after violent catas-
Strophes arising from their boiling by contact
4" with the hot interior, they will finally disap-
spear from the surface, and become absorbed
"in the pores of the vastly thickened earth
crust, and in the cavcrns, cracks and chasms
which the rcnding contraction will open in
I" the interior These cavities will continue 30
"inc.ease, will become of huge magnitude
when tho outside crust grows thick enough to
" form its own supporting arch, for then the
fused interior will recede, and form mighty
"vaults that will engulf not the waters merely,
but all the atmosphere likewise" If we un-
ders,and the World-Smasher Alright, he does
not put the date of his little catastrophe on the
9th of March, lie will give Virgins chance
to try his worst with the planet before he
shritels it up. OF course after the Smashet
gets through with 1t there will be no chance
for weather prophets, for he IA going to destroy
not only the planet but the atmosphere. lie is
q malignant person. In fact, all these enemies
of the planet are of that sort. They give no
ouarter-they merely ask q quarter for an
almanac Something ought to be done to
thwart their designs. Society for Prevention
of Cruelty to the Planet might be good thing.