Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1883-07-05
Ohurchgoers.
SOME CLASSES or THEM, As SEEN FROM THE
PULPIT.
THE PEACEFUL SLEEPER, EASY GOING LOUNC-
Err, TROUBLESOME FIDGET AND ALL-sEE-
ING WATCHER.
IR. J. Burdet,e in Cincinnati Enquirer.l

IR j. Buriette In Cincinnati Enquirer.l
As you preach the word, my dear young
brother, cast your eyes around upon the con-
gregation and you will observe these people
as follows, TO wit, namely, viz:
|. TIE SLEEPER.-lIe will be there
Peradventure he leaneth his chin upon a
cane, so that when the moment of deep and
profound slumber cometh upon him, his
chin sippeth off and with the bang of bis
head upon the pew in front of him he is
awaked. Howbeit the bang upon his Wife
head no man can hear. Or, the slumberer
may sit bolt upright and nod in time to his
deep and regular breathing. Only when you
cast Your eyes upon him, the watchful wife
at his bosom stabs him with her elbow, and
he glareth upon the congregation as who
should say: He that sayeth | slept the
same is liar and a villain and horse
thief" Or, if he be so that he leaneth his
head back until the lid thereof falleth be-
tween his shoulders, and he playeth phan-
tastIc tunes with his nose, lnsomuch that the
boys in the gallery make merry over the
same, then il is hazardous TO awaken this
slumberer right suddenly, because he dream
eth Of divers thing and sayeth to the tith-
ing man who shake,h him up, Hey? hi
ha yes yes. all right I'm up" And thus
Is the congregation much scandalized. But
if he fodeth his handk kerchief over the back
Of the pew in front. and boweth his head
dtvoutly upon the same, even in that mo
ment when the text is pronounced, then will
that sleeper trouble no one, but will slumber
sweetIy On until the time Of benediction
and he will awaken refreshed and smiling
ana he will extnl the sermon and magnify
the preacher. He is the old-timer from
Sleepy Hollow.
ii. lHE LoUNGER. He falls into the pew
and slides easily INTO the most comfortable
corner. He shakes himself down into a
comfortable attitude. His legs extend un-
der the pew in front and meet his hips at the
crookedest Of obtuse angles. He crooks his
plant elbow into the arm of the pew, and
drops the side Of his face into the fearful
hollow Of his hand, BY means Of which he
pushes his cheek up into his eye. His
shoulders are nearly on a level with his head.
Every time you LOOK at him you expect to
see him slide out of sight. And although
you are good man, sometimes you wish he
would, and never come up again.
Ill. The FIpGEr.-W Whether YOU look
for him or not YOU know where he is. He
pushes the hassock away with long, reson-
ant groan of its own. Then he sits bolt up
right, hooks his shoulder blades over the
back of the pew, and hangs on. He is go
ing to SIT still this Sunday if it kills him.
But the pew is too high, so he settles down
little. Then he put hymn- book between
his back and the pew. Then he leans for
ward and lets il fall with crash. Then he
t,l ~ M Val
arm along the back of the pew Suddenly
he slides down and braces both knees against
the back of the pew in front. All, that's
comfort. 1t lasts ninety seconds, when ne
abruptly Strengthens up, eleyates both arms,
and hooks his elbows over the back of his
pew. That isn't what he wants his legs
are so tired; he reaches for the hassock with
both feet, upsets it, and IN a frantic effort to
stay II, kicks II against the pew. Covered
with burning embarrassment he pulls out
his watch twice or thrice without once look
ing at il. He folds his arm across his breast,
then he crosses them behind his back he
thrusts his hands into his pockets he drops
Bible on the floor and puts his feet into
MS hat, and at times YOU look to see him go
all to pieces, but he doesn't He stavs to-
gether and comes back next Sunday, every
limb and joint of him.
". The WATCHER-Hs neck is fitted
on globe socket and turns clear around.
He sees everything that goes on. The man
who comes in late does not escape him, and
il is vain for the tenor to think he got that
little note to the alto conveyed between the
leaves Of the hymn-book unobserved. The
watcher saw it. He sees the hole in the
quarter that Elder Skinner dropped in the
plate. He sees that Deacon Slowboy has
on but one cuff. If the door swings he
looks around if the window moves noise
lessly he looks up. He sees the stranger in
his neighbor's pew, and he sees Brother Bad
man sitting away back under the gallery.
furtively take chew of the inhibited fine
cut. All things that nobody wants him to
see the watcher sees. He sees so much that
he has no time to listen.