The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-12-27
Al JUDGES REVENGE.
How a Pair of Long-Winded Lawyers
We're Treated in a CaIifor-
MIA Court.

Were Treated in a CaIifor-
MIA Court.
Sometimes judicial Lumor takes rath-
er grim shape, and good instance
OF this occurred here in San Francisco
a few weeks ago. Il was in one of the
superior courts, presided over by
Judge who is as remarkable for the as
ceticism of his life as for the remark
ably judicial cast of lis mind. He is a
veritable Socrates of the bench; a truth
seeker who thinks no time wasted, no
labor ill-spent that tends to throw the
slightest light upon the merit of the
case before him. At the same time he
abhors above all things the frivolous
waste of time INDUCED in by some at
torneys who seek to gain reputation
by going over the same ground again
and again and badgering witnesses up
on trivial points which can have no
real bearing on the case. Now it chanc-
ed that in suit for divorce, recently
tried before this modern Socrates, the
opposing counsel were both men of ex-
actly the same type, though they work
ed by different ways. One was gen.
tleman who makes up for lack of
quick perception and legal acumen by
Bunsbyish affectation of depth. As a
cross-questioner he is one of the wood
saving order of attorneys; slow, tedi-
GUS bore, who, in following little points
out to their ultimate conclusion, some
times fails to grasp the broad issues OF
the case. He takes exceptions to every
single ruling, and numbers up his cases
with mass of verbiage which, while
it might perhaps serve to entangle a
dull jury, is Immediately cast aside by
the clear, incisive insight of a trained
and experienced judge. Opposed to
this legal smooth-bore in the divorce
case was a lawyer of the sledge-ham-
mer, police court, cut-and-slash order,
sort of legal bushwhacker, whose
tactics were not to join issues squarely
and fight in the open, but to make un-
expected sorties, dash in on the enc
my's wings, harry his pickets, and
drive his witnesses half crazy by the
most brutal attacks ON their character.
The case on which this pair of worth
les was engaged was suit for divorce
brought up by wife on the ground of
cruelty. Both plaintiff and defendant
were put on the stand, and in addition
some five witnesses were examined. 1t
was simple case, and one that could
easily be tried fairly in half day. But
the bushwhacker for the plaintiff intro
duced SO many irrelevant matters, and
the smooth-bore for the defendant
wasted so much time to find out wheth-
er it was blue dress or a green one
which the plaintiff wore when the de-
PENDANT ill-treated her, that it was two
full days before the testimony was all
in. The judge had done all in his power
to stem the tide of talk, and was an
noyed beyond measure at the waste of
time, for his calendar was crowded
and other litigants were anxiously
awaiting hearing. On the morning
of the third day the Judge expressed
hope that there would be no long argu-
ments, but it was noon ere the plant
ifs counsel had finished his abuse, and
the shades of dark were falling when
the defendants counsel was compelled
to stop from physical exhaustion.
81 presume that your honor will
charge the jury tomorrow morning"
said the smooth-bore as he sat down.
"You have presumed too far for
once" said the Judge grimly. 81 am
determined to dispose of the case to-
night. 1t has been delayed too long
already, and for that reason we will
have an evening session"
"But, your honor" exclaimed the
bushwhacker, jumping hastily to his
feet, 81 have to be present at mar
rage party, given in my house tonight
and [ must beg your honor to postpone
until tomorrow" "And, your honor,
there is also party at my house to-
night, and must really press my mo-
ton for a postponement, said the
smooth-bore.
This was literally pepper in the
courts soup;" "water on the judicial
Wheel" as the vernacular has it. For
three days he had calmly endured; now
was his chance for revenge, and so
there was natural tinge of sarcasm in
his voice when he remarked: 81 really
cannot see how gentlemen who have
shown such intense anxiety for their
clients interests for three DAYS could
bear up under further delay, and so in
the face of my own inclination shall
order night session. Mr.. Clerk, adj
journ the court until p. M"
At 8 p. m. the court reopened. Both
counsel, eager for the evenings festiv-
tiles, had donned their dress-suits.
Both were accompanied by the ladies
they were to escort during the evening,
and both had carriages awaiting them
at the foot of the stairs to bear them off
to the scenes of gayety SO soon as the
court finished. Mounting the bench,
the judge took in at glance their pre-
parations for a hasty flight, and they
only gave an added zest to his revenge.
Noticing the presence of ladies, he
said:
Counsel are aware that this is di-
vorce case, and of the charges made,
and while the court has no wish to re-
quest the ladies to leave the room, he
would suggest that he intends to dis
cuss the case thoroughly. !
Counsel looked blankly at each other;
the ladies appeared to take the sugges-
ton as challenge and only settled
themselves more comfortably in their
chairs. Then the judge commenced a
review of the case in point, and at 9 D..
m. had gone through the evidence
Counsel frightened perceptibly but
their countenances fell when the Judge
remarked that he proposed to 90
through brief review of the history
of divorce from the earliest times.
They protested that this was unneces-
sary, but the court replied that in view
of the Importance of the trial, las shown
by the length of the arguments, he did
not feel at liberty to omit any point in
his charge. At 10 p. m. he reached
the history of divorce under the Caesars.
Counsel were yawning, the ladies
asleep. At II p. m. he had finished the
history of divorce in the reign of Queen
Victoria and was just commencing to
tackle the history of divorce in Ameri-
ca. Both counsel were asleep when
the Sickles case was touched upon, and
snored heavily when the court was
pointing out the beautiful points in the
Sprague case. Dropping book and
upsetting the water decanter to awake
them the eourt nroceeded tn taokla tho