davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
Eli Perkins on Uncle Hank.

Uncle Hank Allen was perhaps the
smoothest and most accomplished liar
in Central New York There were
other ordinary postofflce liars in the
beautiful village of Eaton, \. Y,
where | was born, hut Uncle Hank
could lie like gifted metropolitan.
Every night Uncle Hanks grocery was
filled with listening citizens, all paving
the strictest attention whenever the
good old man spoke. When Charlie
Campbell or John Whitney he'd nobody
paid much attention to them. because
they We're clumsy workmen. Their lies
would not hold water like Uncle Hanks.
Why, the old mans lies were so smooth,
so artistic, that, while listening to them,
You imagined you we're listening TO
Elder Cleyeland's Bible stories.
One day they were all talking about
potato-bugs in Uncle Hanks grocery,
which was a sort of village farmers
club. First, Charley Miles remarked
casually that he thought il was going
to be a potato-bug year.
Talk about it's going to be potato
bug year," exclaimed DIR. Purdev.
Going to be? Why, they were SO
thick in my garden this morning that
could not see the stalks. / counted 962
strong. healthy bugs on one hill.
Twenty eight bugs on one stalklr and
the Doctor struck the air with his fist.
"Twenty-eight bugs on one stalki
Only twenty-eight?" said Charley
Campbell, contemptuously. "Why,
they ate up my first crop of potatoes two
weeks ago, and they are now sitting
around the garden ON trees and fences
waiting for me to plant them over
again.
Old Hank now scratched his head
thoughtfully, and remarked:
Gentlemen, you don't any of you
appear to know anything about the
ravenous nature of them potater-bugs.
You may call me a liar, but I've had
potater-bugs walk right into my kitchen
and yank red-hot potaters right out Of
the oven. Waiting around the potater-
patch for the second cropi" exclaimed
Old Hank, with n sneer Waiting
Why, confound your eyes, was up to
Townsends store yesterday. and | saw
potater- bugs up there looking over
Townsend's books to see who had
bought seed potatoes for next year.
did, by goshl"
The whole grocery was still when
Uncle Hank finished. You could have
heard pin drop. Finally long, lean
man from from Woodlands Pond raised
himself up near the door. He was
evidently newcomer, and was not
acquainted with Mr.. Allen. Pointing
his long finger at Uncle Hank, he ex-
claimed:
"Iou are a linrl"
Uncle Hank looked over his glasses
at the stranger long aud earnestly.
Tlien, gra ping the strangers hand and
shaking it heartily, he inquired with
puzzled look:
Where did yon get acquainted with
me?h Ell PERKINS
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

BURGLARS made a desperate attempt
to open the safe belonging TO the Ameri-
can Express Company in the railroad
office, at Fennimore on Sunday night.
They drilled hole in the door between
the lock and knob, which they filled
with powder and blew off the bottom
part of the door, and decamped with
out getting its contents. The also cut
a hole in the money-drawer in which
there were twenty-five cents and took
twenty cents of it. The next morning
suspicious looking character called at
the residence of man near Preston,
whose name we did not learn, but
whom we afterward were informed was
q constable, and got his breakfast. 1t
was noticed that his face and eyes were
full of powder, and when questioned in
regard to it gave an Indifferent answer.
He was soon afterward arrested and
brought to this city Monday evening
and lodged in Jail to await trial, when
he gave his name as Frank Stanton, of
Chicago. 1t is not probable he secured
enough booty to make his venture pro-
fitable, as there was but $3.50 in the
safe at the time, which the agent found
all right the next morning.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
A Tale From the Morse.

One day Odin put the Mcclellan
saddle on the horse Sleipner, and went
to visit the giant Yafthrudner. Sleip-
ner was the bjoss hjoss and could go a
mile inside of one minute and twenty
eight seconds, as easy as lying. He had
eight ilegs and "runes were carved on
his teeth. The runes of yesterday 5
turkey probably, which is usually
carved on the teeth Yafthrudner was
giant who prded himself on knowing
as much as a man pianist Odin seated
himself, and they began asking each
other hard questions, with their heads
as foifeits, until the convention sounded
like the Concord summer school OF
philosophy breaking out at Christmas.
Odin to play iroo on Yafthrudner,
called himself Gangraad.
DO you spell it with i?' asked
Vafthrudner.
"Jno, replied Odin, vi Jam mot ia
Jnorsejmanjn, ibut jean lyon jell
lme iHhy the Brooklyn Bridge is like
Bjeer Sjaloon?"
because one is q daisy level and the
othe-"
"Tjut, tjut7 said Odin, quickly, for,
getting that he was only Gangraad.
Il know; when it's ajar ?"
"Noap."
-ah-oh pshajwi Two pia'
under the gate"
Guess again.
We'll, | give it up.
Because, said Odn, sci+,Aniv, ";
not trussed."
And he opened his eyes, aAl loose
severely through q flint mjountMn; tsl
Thousand miles away.
"Yes, said Vafthrudner, SLOWLY, TX
man dropping an ace out Of his sleeve
but it is. J."
what is ?" dem nded Odin
"The Brooklyn bridge" replied III
giant it is stiffened VITA trussos--.tl
suspension bridges are.
"Well~ roared Odip, with . low
that raised a lump on the mountain Il.
| had been looking at; what OF tina:
The beer saloon isn't
And then the giant recognized tn
giod, and remarking that he didn't oft
die, but when he did it was about til
time of the century, twisted off his hes.
and handed it to Odn, who carried i.
to Asgard, and the gods feasted d.
souse. As the Elder Edda sings, i
Grimmer's play:
The gods and dwarfs were there to dine.
Ana many more beside,
And what they could not eat that niga.
Next morning MIS- 0dn freyJa1
R. j. B1trdett, IN Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
A Surpliced Rep2-ter.

"You know Joe Howard, of couse?"
asked the reporter.
Joe! Joel Do You know man in
the profession in the United States who
does not know Joe?"
"Gay boy 2"
"Gay? Well, seriously, Joe Is one
Of the most brilliant q American
journalists Queer, generous 10 a
fault, and always consideration, but
ready, versatile, and ever entertaining
George Alfred Townsend ONLY rie.d
No. Joe wants one fact on which to
base an article; George does not want
any. Joe never gets left.
"Once the Times sent him to report
an important ceremony in Trinity
Church Joe was late. The house was
iammed The boys in the two pews
allotted TO the reporters had noticed
the absence of the representatives of
the Times. But suddenly one nudged
another, saying. Look up there And
there was Jc~ in the chancel with the
clergy, surpliced, and intoning with tho
rest.
Joe afterward explained that, find
ing it impossible to get in the house and
do his work, he looked around and
found rear door, and seeing men
lodging IN and boys throwing a surplice
over their shoulders, he followed suit,
and let them supply him with the vest
ment cloth. He was thus able to make
his report - Chicago Daily News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
"Torpedoing, an Oil We'll.

When well fails it is usually "tor-
pedoed" to start the flow afresh. A
long tin tube, containing six or eight
quarts of nitro-glycerine, is lowered
into the hole and exploded by dropping
q weight upon it. The tremendous
force of the powerful explosive tears
the sand rock apart and loosens the
imprisoned oil and gas. Nothing is
heard on the surface save sharp re-
port like pistol shot, but the ground
heaves perceptbly, and pretty soon the
OIL comes squirting out in a jet that
breaks IN spray above the lofty derrick
The torpedo man" is one of the inter
esting personages of the oil regions,
who is seen with most satisfaction from
distance. He travels about in light
vehicle with his tubes and his nitro
glycerine can, traversing the rough
roads at jolly round trot, taking the
chances of an accidental explosion, and
whistling or singing as he goes. Some
times the chances are against him, and
blow of wheel against a stone sets
free the terrible force imprisoned in the
white fluid in his can. There is no oc-
casion for funeral after such an acct
dent, for there is nothing to bury.
Man, horse and buggy are annihilated
in flash, and an ugly hole in the
ground and cloud of smoke are all
that is left to show what has happened.
The torpedo company buys new horse
and hires a new man, and there is no
more difficulty about one transaction
than the other. The business of "tor-
pedoing" wells is in the hands of a
single company, which has made a
large amount of money from a patent
covering the process of using explosives
under a fluid. Most oil producers re-
gard the patent as invalid, because nat
ure supplies the fluid in the well into
which the nitro-glycerine .ube is low
cred; but the courts have sustained the
patent. Sometimes well-owners tor
pedo" their wells stealthily by night to
avoid paying tLe high price charged by
the company. This operation is called
"moonE ghting,s and many lawsuits
lave grown ont Of CeaEttITy MngG-
NM
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
Continued. iron. last iseek)
How Watch Cases are Made.

1t is fact not generally known that the
james Boss Gold Watch Gases really con-
tain more pure gold than many solid"
gold cases The demand for these watch
cases has led to the manufacture of very
poor grade of solid gold watch cases
low in quality, and deficient in quantity.
These cases are made from 4: to 10 karats,
and 5 or karat case is often sold for II
or IA karats. 1t is NOT economy to buy a
watch case SO poor in quality that it will
soon lose its color, or one so soft that it will
lose its shape and fail to shut tight, thus
letting in dust and damaging the works, or
one 80 thin that slight blow will break
the crystal, and perhaps the movement.
1t is economy to buy james Boss Gold
Watch Case, in which NONE of these things
ever occur. This watch case is not an erperi-
n,ent-it has been made nearly thirty Years.
HAZLETos, PA, Oct. "A. lss2
sold two James Boss Gold Watch Cases thirty
years ago. when they first came out and they are in
good condition yet One Of them is carried by q
carpenter, Mr.. l.. W Drake, Of Hazieton, and only
shows the wear in one or two places; the other BIZ
Mr.. Bowman, Of Cunningham, Pa; and / can pro
duce one or both Of these cases at any time
SYLVESTER ESGLE, Jsrsle-.
Send cent stamp Keystone Watch Case Factories phs.
delpha Pa for handsome Illustrated Psmphi. showing new
ssse bsss and ksJsione Watch Cases are made.
ITO be continued.)
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

The doctor arrives at the hospital to
make his daily visit of inspection. and
receives the ticket Of new patient,
ak, musician in a German band; pull
monary consumption.
He proceeds to the patients bedside,
surrounded by his admiring class.
well, my good fellow, you spit
blood, don't you?
"Yes, doctor, r.
"That1l do; We know all about it.
And you have cold sweats at night,
eh?7
yes, sir, and
Il fancy now that by occupation you
are a musician"
Yes, 1 play"
"Be silent You belong to brass
band, and ron have oyer-exerted your
self have fairly blown your lungs
away putting into your instrument.
Gentlemen, you perceive that sickness
has no secrets from science. What in
strument do you play upon, my good
man?7
The cymbals. sir.
CONSERVATION on the doctors part,
and amusement of the students.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

district TO all the rights and knowledge
of the school regardless of age, free of
tuition, and nonresident pupils to pay
only for the time spent in school. We
thinkthe admitting of resident pupilsfree
of tuition to the public school, move
in the right direction, for every district
ought to educate its citizens regardless
of age. The school board and a num-
Der of the citizens made the school a
visit last Friday afternoon to listen to
the closing exercises by the pupils of
both departments.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
NoT1cETo cREpIToRs-urpEsA

State of Wisconsin. County Court of Grant
County-In Probate.
In the matter of the estate OF Bernard II.
Uppena, deceased.
Notice is hereby given, that the claims and de-
mands Of all persons against Bernard III. Uppena,
late of the town of Potesi. in said county, de-
ceased, will be received, examined and adjusted
by Henry b. Coons, Thomas Stephens and David
b. Phillips all of the town of Potosi, in said
county OF Grant, Commissioners appointed for
that purpose by the County Court of said county,
at the office of Thomas Stephens, in the town of
Potosi British Hollow, in said county of Grant,
the 10th day of February, 1884, and on the 18th
day of May, A. d. 1884.
Also that six (6) months from and after the
10Th day OF November, a. ID. 1888, is the time
limited for the creditors of said Bernard III.
Uppena, deceased, to present their claims TO said
Commissioners for examination and allowance.
By Order of the Court,
VIM. McGONIGAL, County Judge.
Dated November 18th, A. D., 1888 3Sw4
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

Mr.. JACOB LEsLER, former resident
of this county, who moved to Stanton,
Nebraska, some time ago, committed
suicide on Saturday the 10th inst, us
ing revolver for the purpose. He
had been for years an invalid, suffering
from consumption, deafness and a severe
affection of the eyes which caused him
excruciating pain, and had lost all hope
of recovery. He was well know in this
locality and many friends viii sincerely
lament his death.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
VOLUME al.
Legal Notices.
ExECUTIoN. sALE-cArRss.


EXECUTION. SALE-CAIRss.
State Of Wisconsin. County of Grant. SIS
In Circuit Court
Simon woodhouse, Plaintiff, VS.. John Cairns
Defendant
BY virtue Of an execution issued ont of the
Circuit Court upon judgment rendered on the
10Th day of September, 1888 in favor Of the above
named Plaintiff and against the above named
Defendant, to me directed and delivered have
this 9th day Of November, 1883 levied upon al
the right title and interest the Defendant, John
Cairns had on the date of the levy of the attach
ment in this matter, to-wit: The cath day OF
May: A. ID. 1881, or has since acquired in and Il
the following described real estate, to-wit:
commencing at the one-eighth "a post be
tween the northeast quarter of section number
twenty-six t26) in township No. FIVE 90, rang.
NO. nve %, west, and the northwest quarter Of
section No twenty-five (25). same town and
range Thence south var 500 to the southwes
corner OF Lot No. nine 90 in block No. three ~
IN Parson 3 addition to the village Of Blooming
ton, thence west along the north line Of
Canal Street, in said village TO the east line o.
Front Street, thence on the east line OF From
Street TO the South line of First Street. Thence
east along the south line of First Street to thu
place Of beginning. Meaning all that part o.
said block No. 8, lying west OF the line dividing
said sections, twenty-five and twenty-sx, all il
town five 90, north of range No. five (5), west
in Grant county. Wisconsin, and l shall on tn,
22nd day OF December, 1888 at one o'clock in tn.
afternoon, at the front door of the Court House il
the city of Lancaster. Grant County. Wisconsin
offer for sale and sell to the highest bidder o
bidders for cash to satisfy said judgment interes
costs and accruing costs.
j. L. REwEY.
Sheriff of Grant County.
ORR 81 LOWRY,
Plaintiffs Attorneys
P. o. address Lancaster, Wis.
Dated Sheriff's Office Lancaster, Wisconsin
| November 9Th 1883 36w7
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

NEGOTIATIONS are pending for lee
ture in this city by Hon. Schuyler Col
fax, of Indiana, which we understand
will take place sometime next month.
Mr.. Colfax was Vice-President of the
United States during four years OF
General Grants administration, Speak
of the House of Representatives dur.
ing the war and is one of the most pop.
ular orators OF the day. An opportun-
ity to hear such man as Mr.. Colfax is
one in lifetime. which 10 man woman
or child can afford to miss. We be-
speak for him one of the biggest houses
ever seen in this city.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

The seat at tie head Of the table /.
vacant. and there are many in1uiri
for tn Cptin' Presently the e.
ducter comes in and fills tile vacant
chat, AMI then ] I.arn that the con
dnctor, IN this psf of tile world, is
alwavs called Captain" He IS as
n1ch hero as the driver in old staging
4 Nothing is to gool for hm.
Tie landlord discoFers that "the
Captaia amt ct no chicken, aAI
waters are sent Gvjng 10 fetch sorp.
He is a bigger ma4 thar old (:Iautt
nest to Icing a heatl-waiter in . sumner-
hotel, | think | should like to be a
railway conductor in Virginia no
ticed he talked with all the pretty girls,
and, what WAS better, they all seemed
to like -Richmo11d (Ta.) cor
reSl'otiegee.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

Mr.. j. P. LEWIS is erecting a new
stairway on the west side of his store
building, making front entrance to the
second story, and otherwise improving
the premises. The rooms will be oc-
eupied in few days by DR.. Crane as q
dentists office.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

what have you go for dinner Z, N
auired Disguised drummer Of the
waiter. The waiter had been in the
town twenty-four hours without taking
an order.
Roast duck, sir.
@Ahl was the duck shot on the wing p
Il guess SO"
@Trying to get away from this cussed
place, wasn't hep"
Fl presume likely enough, sir,
Good bird. sagacious fowl; rorG
aUis. / admire his pluck and pity his
misfortune. You may bring me that
duck. I'll take the whole of him. I'll
help him along on the read. = Teras
S filings
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

WHAT a man seeks through his edu-
cation is to get to know himself and tho
world; and for this knowledge IL is be-
fore all things necessary that he &c
quaint himself with the best which has
been thought and said in the world
and of this best tho classics Of Greece
and Rome form very chief portion,
and the portion most ertirely satisfaS-
tory nttheu Urn oil -.sas..s
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

For Coughs and Colds McFarlan's
Cough and Consumption cure, gives
universal satisfaction. Manufactured
by T. L. Brewer, Prairie dl Chen, 25
and so cents per bottle. Sold by Stone
& Hassell 32m3
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

Excited Thousands. over the land
are going into ecstasy over DIR. Kings
New Discovery for Consumption. Their
unlocked for recovery by the timely use
of this great life saving remedy, causes
them to go nearly wild in its praise. 1t
is guaranteed to positively cure Severe
Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Hay Fever,
Bronchitis, Hoarseness, Loss of Voice,
or any affection of the Throat and
Lungs. Trial bottles free at Stone and
Hassell's Drug Store. Regular size
S1.OO.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

Mr.. AND Mrs. THoDE SHERMAN cele-
brated the third anniversary of their
wedding last Friday evening. A large
number of friends Were present and
united in making the occasion most
ENJOYABLE one.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

PERSONS recovering from wasting dis
eases, such as malaria, fevers, etc. viii be
greatly benefited by the use of Browns
Iron Bitters, true tonic.
0wENToN, KY.-Rev. ]. n. Beck says:
II have used Browns Iron Bittcrs and
consider it one of the best tonics sold"
CoDoRUs, PA-Rev. ]. d. Zehring says.
81 waS paralyzed IN my right side. The
use of Browns Iron Bitters enabled me to
walk"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

A SMALL purse containing between
seven and eight dollars in silver, was
lost in this city Thursday night or Fri
day morning. A suitable reward will
be paid to the finder on leaving the
same at this office.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
NUMBER So.
HUMUR.
From the Burlington Hawkevel


CAPT. WEBB was like great man,
other men who go into business on the
trust-to-luck principle. He got sucked
il.
KING kALAKAuA doesn't want any
more Chinese immigrants. We don't
know just how the Chinese feel about
gong to the Sandwich Islands but we
think If they can stand it, the natives
most certainly could.
IN Michigan citizen is allowed by
law to have his will probated DURING
his lifetime. What that State needs i
society for the prevention of cruelty
to lawyers.
NEW HAMPSHIRE records one divorce
Tor every ten marriages, and in five
terms, covering fifteen months, the St.
Louis courts granted 1000 divorces.
lt looks as though it was only a cues
ton of time when this great land would
get Itself most successfully married..
LAST year 9i0 Iowa mothers gave
birth to twins Aud vet the Presiden-
tial lightning hasn't struck this State
once, although two or three gre 1t and
good men have been walked about in
the storm, with umbrellas, and HOLDING
their lightning 70 Is high up in the dis
turbed atmosphere.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22
From the on CITY nerrIc,,.l

How TO Attain the Life Bevond" i
the title of 50-cent book. I'VE dom
want to disturb the authors right to .
monopoly of the book; but, as he failel
to mention the toy pistol and the earl,
apple, we think he did not exhaust his
subject
MY first-born has gone into the fisl
business, remarked a man who is il
the habit Of carrying a G-months' old
child around the room from dark Il
daylight. How so? asked his fl lend
He was raising walls all last night,
was the reply.
The Petrolea Topic sighs for a brass
band. phe Topic man knows not what
he asks. The next thing he will cry
for will probably be a visitation of the
cholera.
The present style of beginning adj.
vertising paragraphs with quotations
from standard poets is real cute. Il
quite upset us yesterday to begin to
read: To him who in the love Of
nature holds communion with her
visible forms, she speaks a various Ian
guage, and TO find recommendation
right there to get our cigars at Dauben-
speck's.
An iron manufacturer, speaking OF
the state of the market, says that there
is better feeling in pig. He neglected
to mention it, but there is also n good
feeling in sheep. They feel more com
Portable this hot weather, since shear
ing.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

EX.SHERIFF John +. Lane has purchas-
ed Charles Smith'sinterest in the produce
business. The business will be contin-
ued as heretofore, under the firm name
of l.. Billings & Co.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

A LARGE amount of local matter in
tended for this issue ''was knocked out
in the first round by the Supervisors
proceedings. We ask the indulgence of
correspondents and readers.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

The Volumes of the Bazaar begin with the first
Number for January of each year. When no time
is mentioned, 1t win be understood that the sub
scriber wishes to commence with the Number
next after the receipt OF order.
The last Four Annual Volumes of Harper's
Bazaar, is neat cloth binding, will be sent by mail
postage paid. or by express. free of expense
provided the freight does not exceed one dollar
per volume), for 81 90 per volume.
Cloth Cases for each volume. suitable for bind
ing, will be sent by mail, postpaid, receipt OF
81 90 each.
Remittances should be made by Post-0ffice
Money Order, or Draft, to avoid chance OF loss.
Newspapers are not 10 copy thts advertisement
lcitt0Wf he cypress Order OF HARPER Il Bros.
Address HARPER & BROTHERS,
New York.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-11-22

PAT IuDGE was released from the
county jail last Saturday having served
the term of sixty days, sentenced him
by Judge Clementson for implication in
the Gadln murder.