The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-03-29
WIT AND HUMOR-

Homely girls, it is said, are resorting
to magnetic belts to draw admiration.
The following dialogue was overheard
the other day: He: "Armantina, lie
t'adore.'' She: "Shut it yourself
A young lady. when presented with
pair of opera glasses, asked: "How in
the world am to keep them on?''
The price of wife in Siberia is eight
Dogs but not knowing the market price
of dogs in Siberia, It is hard telling
whether this is cheap for wife or not.
The poetical expression, ''Riches have
WINGS must have been suggested to
the author by seeing the wings on a wo-
mans hat.
Edith-The reason that editors wives
don't load themselves down with dia-
monds is because they fear that stran-
gers will think their husbands are
pawnbrokers. Philadelphia Ne,os.
To Joseph Jefferson is attributed the
remark that although the late lamented
duchess of Gainsborough's hat may
form fine background to a lovely face
it is bad foreground to comedy.
When you see a sour-faced woman
sitting ashes on her icy sidewalk, it is
difficult to tell whether she loves the
human race or hates the new carpet OF
her next-door neighbor.
When we see tightly-laced woman
trying to enjoy a good laugh with
smile on her mouth and tears in her
eyes, we think of the dear old hymn
which begins, "Let joy be unconined."
A lady is reported to have scolded her
little boy for taking drink of water at
a hotel. For said she. we pay three
shillings and sixpence for our dinner,
and water is very filing"
A Michigan sewing machine agent
has committed suicide. This solves
the problem as to what is to become of
the agents when every family is posses
sed of machine. Is it the beginning
of the end?
Tom: ''What have you been doing
with YOURSELF 1 haven't seen you for
months" Dick: Study, my dear fell
low-study" Tom: "Study?" Dick:
Legal study-I am trying to pass a
mother-in-law."
Sedalia, Mo-, has billiard saloon for
ladies only, and the proprietor already
thinks of taking out the tables and al
lowing the fair creatures to play right
on the floor, where good deal of car
rooming is done now.
Standing before clergyman who
was about to marry him, rustic was
asked: s'Wilt thou have this woman"
etc. The man stared in surprise and
replied: cay. surely! Whoy, I kum-
med pupus!'
mo, can't stay replied gentle
man who was invited to stay all night
at the house of friend; "before morn
ing my wife would be out with alantern,
like Diogenes, hunting for an honest
man.
New military regulation-"Captain,
you will see to it that the men in your
company change their shirts tw-''
"Why, General, they have only one
eachr' ''Haw, well, let them exchange
shirts among themselves. y harivary.
The prayers at the daily opening OF
the session of the New York state as.
sembly costs just SO, which seems ex.
travagance, as it is impossible to dis
cover So worth of goodness in the body.
Boston Post.
Piscator (short-sighted; been trolling
all day for a big pike that lay in hole
about here) -''Quick, Jarvis the land
ing net-rve got him!'' Jarvis-'Ah,
sir, it's only an old frying-pan, but tina.
will be useful know, sir, when we do
catch him"
Women are called "the weaker SEX"
and yet up to the hour of going to press
not one of her sex in this country has
shown enough intellectual weakness t.
embark in the weather prophet business
or attempt to eat sixty quails in thirty
days.
A woman who had been dumb for fiji
teen years recently fell from chair and
the shock restored her speech. The
next day her husband stumbled over the
same piece of furniture and broke his
arm. He then gave the chair away to
bitter enemy.
When certain Cleveland editor gets
home from Europe, says the Detroit
Free Press with characteristic Journals
tic courtesy, he will be met at the depot
by constable, a young woman and
baby, which viii cry out: ''Dat's him
dat's papar'
A fashionable lady witness tainted
dead away while giving her testimony,
and the doctor whowas summoned said
1t resulted from her corset being too
tight. The incident was very properly
entered upon the minutes of the case as
"a stay in the proceedings
The Egyptian flea is larger than the
American grasshopper, and when one
gets at work on a dog, just about the
small OF the back, the canine will reach
and haul himself round in circle till |
he gets that flea, if he has to wear the
hide all off his hind legs, and break his
spine to do it.
A jeweler, named Green, used his DO
sltlon as a juryman to advance his bust
ness interests. 1t was in the Superior
Court, and as each attorney asked his
name he drew forth brilliantly illumi- |
mated business card and handed it to the
questioner with, "Allow me, my card.
sir"
Always look before you strike. Phila-
delphia's policeman, most notorious as
clubber, struck a disorderly stranger
single blow and was promptly knock
ed down, kicked, dragged over the
pavement by his hair, and compelled to
beg for mercy. He had hit the Samp-
son OF circus side show.
A boy stood with an umbrella with a
cord tied to it in public doorway.
Eleven persons thought that that UNI
brella was theirs and carried it with
them the length of the string. They |
then suddenly dropped it and went of |
without once looking back or stopping
to pick it up again.
Thirty years ago man could only
get his portrait in the illustrated papers
by performing great deeds of valor; now
the same end can be achieved by eating
two quail day for two weeks. This |
is another evidence of the rapid strides
this country is making in the industrial |
arts-or something that way.
An intoxicated man saw two horse
cars passing him the other evening,
with red and blue lights in the front and |