The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1883-05-24
ALL SORTS.

Isn't it little paradoxical to speak of
n man as a crank when he is so set in his
mind that you can't turn him?
Our mothers were famousfor spinning<
flax and wool, our daughters excel in the
spinning of street yarns.--Boston Tray
eler.
Time. with q scythe, is pictured az
bald headed, so that it cannot be taken
bv tho forelock.-N Orleans Pic
ayune.
New York dude fell under Broad
way omnibus wheel the other day, and
was completely sub'dude. Lowell
Courier.
"What does the sign inward baggage
! meant" asked SnOdkins OF his friend. as
they walked through the depot. Re
fiesbmen.s?'
! Pat ION his way to funeral: "Begora!
Owe only five minutes left, and Owe
rot the least oidea where the deceased
lives now, bedad r
When a young lady says dude drop
in" the youth addressed wishes she was
more particular about her accent.-Bos-
ton Commercial Bulletin.
The great trouble with the Democratic
party seems to he that it is like a river
with delta; it has more mouths than
heads Burlington Hawkeye.
Tallahassee lady of uncommon nerve
appeared at an evening party recently
wearing live spiders, chameleons, bee
ties and tirehies in her hair and on her
dress.
A certain shoemaker of Lynn having
been divorced four times, has just mar
red his fifth wife, and people are now
advising him to stick to his Ast.ABoston
Post.
Here are sample lines of song sung
at n service in the Five Points House Of
Industry, lately:
should like to die. said Willie, II my papa could
But be says he isn't ready. cause he has so much
And my little sister Nellie rays that must surely
Bind that she ard msmma-,hen she stopped. be-
cause II made me CRY.
There will be none but the holy; shall know no
mrre OF sin:
he'll let them in
sut I'll have to iell the angel when NEE. him at
That he must excuse my papa. cause he CO u'ent
leave the store Boston Transcript.
A Judge in Toronto, Canada, remarked
that 1.-THE boy who wouldn't peg snow
balls should he put under q glass as
unique specimen" and then discharged
the offending youDgster.
You ask what libel suit is. A libel
suit, my sons, is where man pays q
lawyer SIC, 900 in order to get $1,000 out
OF another man who thought the first
man was fool and is now sure OF it.
|. Entirely original: WELL said an
artist, there's one thing can say-my
painting is original. Nobody can accuse
me of copying" mot even nature re-
marked one OF his hearers. Boston
Transcript.
Whenever you see man coming out
of q country drug store, wiping his
mouth with tho back Of his hand, you
may know that the town is suffering un-
der q combined attack OF malaria and the
license law.-Western Exchange.
A young man looking over q pretty
girls shoulder while she was playing
cards, observed: "What lovely hand!'
You may have it If you want it, mur-
INJURED she; and all that evening he was
wondering what her intentions were.
Father" said an inquisitive boy.
what is meant by close relations ?"
"Close relations, my son, replied the
father, ARE relations that never give
you q cent" They boy said, then, that
his father was the ''closest" he'd got.
Since men have Venus, the lady the
alter -goers want an Adonis on the stage,
says the Boston Globe. Thereupon the
Philadelphia News says: but the Adon-
Uses won't go upon the stage. They pre-
fer to stick to their newspaper work.
This is official"
A young fellow asked another at ball
if his girl was there. "Yes," said he.
do you see that girl dressed in pink ?"
"What, that splendid woman with such
magnificent eyes? You don't say How
lucky YOU are y "Just SO. OF course
am. Well, my girl is the one next to
her,"
A gentleman recently returned from
California, who WAS relAtsng the result
Of his observations out there. stated that
Chinese laundrymsn used sticks in clean.
ing clothes, THAT'S it," exclaimed an
freshman present, "they take shtick to
| the clothes and schsre the dhirt out Nv
thin. Brooklyn Eagle.
People often wonder why country
editors always wear . belt TO hold up
their pant., instead Of wearing sus-
penders. It's the MOST simple thing in
the world. When an editor gets word
from his house that there's nothing ON
hand for dinner, he simply tightens mp