The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1883-05-03
The Spoopendykes in Hamlet.

"Now, my dear,'' said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, opening the book and assuming
the correct dramatic scowl s'Now, my
dear, .we'll rehearse our parts. for
| Specklewottle's theatricals. I'm to be
Hamlet and you're to be the Queen
and We want this thing to go off about
right ! The hardest part we have to
play together is where I accuse you of
poisoning my father, and we had better
try that until we get it perfect, I'll
commence: G2ti.sAas sf..5
=" Now, mother, what's the matter?' y
+ '.Well, L was thinking whether had
better wear my black silk Or my maroon
suit, = returned Mrs. SpOopendyke,
sticking her finger into her mouth re-
flectively. ''Do Queens wear I3
'Will' you be kind enough to tell me
what pack of cards you got that idea of
a queen from?' demanded MIR Spoop-
endyke. fixing his wifels eye with a
1 glare. do you suppose that Queen
sent for Hamlet to get his opinion
about bargains in dry goods2 When I
say that you must say:
.: Hamlet, thou hast thy father much
offended!' - G,lf E5sa 5q1e41 rzssrt5
4 20, | understand" pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke. Il thought YOU asked
me what ! was thinking about. Ididn't
know you had to commenced to play.
Try it again. saAt ss-5i@ afs4h%Fs7
''Well, you be careful this time, = rec
commended Mr.. Spoopendyke, in tone
of solemn warning. S'1'his is play, this
is Think you know the difference be-.
tween play and bankrupt sale? Know
the difference between play and niii-
Iinery shop openingP Now, III begin
again and you try to do it decently. y
8 Now, mother, whats the matter?' ~
There's nothing, the matter now, :"
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke. straighten-
ing up and preparing to be the Queen
as soon as her turn came, go on, dear,
understand it not. '''z-' '-'
"Say it, can't yep Numbered Mr.
Spoopendyke. Haven t We studied this
business? Don't We know YER part?''t
"Sing a hymn! Hlgou don't know YOUR
part, get off q psalm! Didn't tel, you
| what to say? Look here and Mr..
| Spoopendyke lowered ehis'voice to the
intense pitch. Have you. ever read
this play? Have you conceived any
kind of a notion ofswhat it's all aboutai
,., ,.EhyE yes fsltsred Mrs, spqopep.7'
Specklewottie behind the ears, and L
soream- Isn't that right, dear?'
o,sssHear her?' moaned Mr.. Spoopen-
| dyke, ffothing at the mouth. 'sStab
Specklewottle, behind the ears! That's
all right, now you scream! Scream, why
don't yoR2 You know so much about
your part, why don't youp play it?'' ss.,
t.s.W-e-e-e-ew squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, faithfully following instructions.
s'I knew i could do it right, as soon as
you showed me how. Win that do?'' ~
20, that was qneenlyrT snarled Mr.
Spoopenayke, dropping into a chair and,
regarding his wife with rolling eyes,
"Just do that again! Four sof those
dramatic efforts will make this play the
greatest of modern entertainments! Do
it once moreP' sii a3Jfs1a 0iii I'D gaIa@t
T 1T hurts my throat, = complained Mrs.
Spoopendyke. Cant we make it do
with one scream, dear?rG sitGl!E iA)ol
~ MRS, Spoopendyke. ! said her hus-a
band, with unnatural calmneSs, "there's
been some mistake made IN this ah7RT.
You should have been cast for sOphelia.'
That was the part intended for yours =
'I would just as soon play iit,hi ntlr-
INJURED Mrs, Spoopendyke,FWho failed to
see the drift of her husbands. remark.
.ssWhat does he do?'D9a E0cs iliIo# on
|, r'He was an idiot from BIRTH and
afterlEard went crazy" explained Mr..
Sp6opendyke. That was the part for
you nigl9ggs 1dt rj su8itatifsai n
'.Phen I d rather be Queen" returned
Mrs. 7Spo6penayke, bridlihg d qittle..4
t.Now. dear, let's commence all over,
and III do it right this timen
tens Il on can do itworse,n gFowied Mr.. q
Spoopendykev YPn try it oncso more,
Just to see what kind of foolishness YOU
can work off, 90 oTLs9b on sfd
.'.Now, mother, what's them matter?''' Il
'sWe-e-e-e." giggled Mrs. .Spoopen-
dyke. satisfied thai she was peffect this
time ,f'Hamlet, d .HamIet!. We7e-e-ep
ay ts'Turn it OFF, yelled Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, spfinging from his chair, and
capering around the room as though a
snake had bitten him. ssBe quiet and
break off the end. What'sthe fnatter?'
& trWe-e-e=er' squealed Mrs, Spoonen-
dyke, profoundly impressed with the idea
Cnat Inc play was SbIl gong on, ana 1haG 4
she had at last mastered the-iatrieacies
of her part 4 i aIIr tflk gH9HHk4 aI
''Will We ever shut up?" gasped Mr.. |
Spoopendyke, madder4hafi ever to think
bis wrath WAS mistaken for acting
s'Who ever told ye to yen like thstp
Don't yekn0w anything at all, seareelya
Think ;Hanalet's 8 a lunatic asylum2s Got
some kind of notion that the Queens
,afog hornp Where d Jel getyebf idea
of this thing anywayPo,'7E.e adi g45q 4
7 II did just as you told me, dear"
argued Mrs. Spoopendyke, completely
taken laback by her husbands criticism.
r''You said was to scream when YOU
asked me what the matter was. Didn't
doiitiFigbtga has nalsai 9gH lsi1d
$50, that was rightp' howled Mr..
Spoopehdyke. .'You struck the KEY
note of high art both timesi With that
yell and your knowledge of the text all
you want now is fire and a free list to |
be b theater with restaurant aattach-s
ment!. The first time a show. comes
around this way I'm going to fit you out
with q hair trunk and 8 pair of hOOfs and