davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
Belinda James Grinders.

A well-known gentleman of New York
wentto the theater. and was much electri-
fed at an interesting moment in the en-
tertainment by feeling something sud-
denly fall apparently from the ceiling of
the theater into his lap.
Hastily glancing downward, what
was his horror to see complete set of
false teeth sharply defined on his fault
less black evening trousers! In his as
constituent he clapped his hand to his
mouth to assure himself that his own APP
paratus of mastication was in its proper
place and in good condition. Reassured
on this point, he turned to his neighbor,
who was cycling him with mingled sus-
picion and disgust, and politely queried:
"May ask if these teeth are your prop
erty, sir?' E'
Certainly not" said the other.
"Then l should like to know where
the dickens they come FROM
"You had better ask the manager.
Possibly it is part of the play"
''The curtain soon afterward falling,
the recipient of this unusual favor, wrap
ping the teeth in play-bill, went out to
the box-office and invited the treasurer
TO take charge of them.
WELL" said the treasurer, 81 have
seen almost everything in the world left
IN theater in my time, but this is the
irst set of teeth that was ever brought
% the Office. Where do you suppose
hey came fromr'
THAT is precisely what should like
20 know. was seated in the middle of
he house and they must have fallen
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
rom the ceiling, b there dentist up

from the ceiling. p there dentist up
therer'
While the treasurer and the gentle
man were comforting together the anx-
ious face of an American lady OF African
descent was thrust over the shoulder of
one of them. I.THttIa4Tf
''Well. honey" she exclaimed .:if you
havn't got my teeth! Idone just come
for them"
The box-officer turned and looked
sternly at the woman.
"Open your mouth" he said.
She hastily obeyed and disclosed q
complete and magnificent set of glitter
ing grinders. ~ II z
"What the deuce do you mean by
claiming these teeth?" said the box
keeper. ''How many set do you wearP''
Thus driven into a corner the Ameri-
can lady of African descent, after little
hesitation admitted that the teeth did,
not belong to her, but to her friend,
Belinda Jane, who was waiting in the
lobby. Belinda Jane, being Summoned,
appeared with an abject countenance,
and her mouth was found upon investi-
cation to present very deplorable
hiatus. The box-keeper fitted the teeth
in. and found that they undoubtedly
belonged to Belinda SJane, who was
then called upohs to explain what she
meant by throwing the teeth into the
lap of a perfect stranger and how she
had succeeded in doing it. 1t turned
out that Belinda Jane and her friend.
actuated by the mingled motives Of
economy and interest in the drama, had
clambered up into the cock-loft of the
thester, and there extending themselves
at full length on the floor, had been
TRANQUILITY enjoying the play through q
great ventilation hole in the ceiling,
when particularly comically incident
on the stage threw Belinda Jane into
a CONFUSION of laughter. in the course
of which, the delinquent teeth flew out
of her mouth and fell through the hole
into the parquette. IHI 1Hft 1
The moral of this story viii have to be
settled between the dentists and the
architects. y World.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
Tight Lacing.

Foolish and inconsiderate mothers
and foolish and unlaught girls and
young ladies believe in and practice
tight lacing as a means of securing
beauty of form. If they will study the
classic models, they ought to see plainly
enough that the Greek Slave Venus di
Medici, and every masterpiece of female
beauty in marble, bear conclusive proof
that the corset has had no influence in
shaping the ideal of the sculptor. These
ideal forms are beautiful because they
repeat the lines found in the perfect fe-
male figure, and the figure only is per-
feet which is ,unvitiated by fashion and
symmetrical in all its parts The laced
waist of the American woman of fashion
and the bandaged foot of the Chinese
woman are equally outrages upon ma
ture.-N 7. Tribune.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
''COckrOach Tea"

A Philadelphia medical journal has
received a communication from Louisi-
ana physician asking if there is any
virtue in tea made from fat female cock
reaches, brandy and sugar. The fol-
lowing formula of the preparation used
by old women nurses in the South was
also furnished: "One dozen fat female
cockroaches. put into pint of boiling
water (after being bruised; let stand q
couple of hours, then strain well; add
two tablespoonfuls of brandy and two
of crushed sugar; stir till thoroughly
dissolved: Two table spoonfuls every
hour" sast- -rs .s4
The Professor of Marteria Medica in
Jefferson College said recently to q
Record reporter that he presumed that
in the medical practice in this city, and
''cockroach tea may be used with good
effect in certain cases, although, owing
to public prejudice against the insect,
it would not be popular medicine.
The use of the cockroach as a diuretic
in certain diseases is almost universal in
Russia, and is very general now in
European medical practice as cure for
Bright's disease. To what extent it
may be used in Philadelphia is not
known. Physicians would not care to
have it known that they prescribe so
detested an insect in their practice, and
few druggists will acknowledge that
they keep it in stock. It's medical prop
critics are in many respects the same
as those of ,cantharides. and when pre-
scribed are in the shape of a pill. made
with the powder of the dried insect, or
the ''cockroach" tea Of the Southern
Ceramics. A Record reporter, who
visited several of the leading drug stores
in the city recently and asked whether
powdered cOckrOaches were kept in their
stock, was told that they did not sell it,
but that a prescription containing the
active (blattiden) can be easily prepared
by drying half dozen OF. the animals
and powdering them, so as to make q
pill, or solution can and occasionally is,
prepared by soaking fat female cock
reaches in whisky. The Professor of
Materia Medica in Jefferson College
says that the cockroach is no more
offensive than the cantharides. which
are of the same class of animals, and
their smell is if anything, less disgusting
than the much-used Spanish fly. Several
physicians who were interviewed
on. the subject said that, in their
opinion, it is only matter of time when
cockroaches, or the active principle.
will be in as common use in this country
as they are in Russia or Central Europe.
- hiLndelDhin Record
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
Sebastian Cabot.

Sebastian Cabot was certainly in one
sense the discoverer of America; it was
he who first made sure that it was a
wholly new and unknown continent.
In his early voyages he had no doubt
that he had visited India, but after his
voyage of 1893 he expressed openly his
disappointment that '.New Found
Land of most inhospitable aspect lay
as a barrier between Europe and the
desired Asia. As the German writer,
DIR. Asher, has well said, s'Cabot's dis
pleasure involves the scientific discovery
of new world" In his charts North
America stands as a separate and con-
tinuous continent, though doubtless long
after his time the separate islands were
delineated as of old. by others. and all
were still supposed to be outlying parts
of Asia. In this, as in other respects,
Cabot was better appreciated fifty years
later than in his own day. His truthful
accounts for the time discouraged further
enterprise in that direction. They
that seek riches,' said Peter Martyr,
.'must not 60 to the frozen North
And after one or two Intellectual under
takings he found no encouragement to
repeat his voyages to the North Ameri-
can coast, but was sought for both by
Spain and England to conduct other en-
terprises. He was employed in organic
ing expeditions to the Brazils, or to the
North Pole by way of Russia, but the.con-
tineat he had discovered was left unex-
plOred. He was esteemed as q skillful
mariner and one who held high official
station; he died dreaming of new and
infallible mode of discovering the lon
gitude which he thought had been re-
vealed to him from heaven, and which
he must not disclose. The date of his
death. like that of his birth. is unknown,
and his burialplace is forgotten. But
fifty years later, when Englishmen
turned again for different object toward
the American continent, they remem-
bered his early achievements, and based
on them claim of ownership by right
of discovery. Even then they were 50
little appreciated that Lord Bacon, writ
ing his Reign of Henry VII, gives but
three or four sentences to the explora-
tons which perhaps exceed in real ina
portance all else that happened undes
that reign.-T W. Higginsos, IN Har-
per's Magazine.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
Lyness' Snake Warming.


Pytn9n; sixteen teet long, ana nv
cooras anu Dlacx SNAKES were Drought &c
lns SenIrai ratk Menagerie on SATURDAY
afternoon. 1ney naa JUST arrived from
EUROPE. no Dlankels mao oeen pro
Ylue1 ny Ing oHPorer Aae serPents
nad peen merely ossea INTO large
~oooen ooA' WIN some loose nay ~ tne
uo''oln anu aaI nolGS st.ne Op. Durine
tne voyage QUIZ tne nay goe wet. ana the
DoN Decame s1akeu. wnen tne snakes
were lanaea tney wefo iound tooe rlSid,
anu so s1ronsly KNIT oogetner IN a. com
mon mass maj ~ seemed lmPossloie 70
separa.e .nem. ine oig case was Pu
v tIa 'ie . luz, !. anu ~. 'ne 'raoknan olove
tae SNAKES " the park IN the intense
coiI Oh SATURDAY. Hi
Wneh EMBELLISHMENTS OOnkin goc tne
consignment ne vas naturally indignant
~ rece,vuS conseaieu serPen1s' nov
70, separate 'nem seemeu q puzzle:
Ihey u nave 70 % ,na"ed OUT SAID
ouPerinIenoens Conkhn. ).
TOBIAS Lyness Is me rarH Menagerie
ensineer. ne mas charge OF the great
furnaces tnat consume oOO tons OF Goa
IN season. iooias tyness mas oeen
many years IN the employ OF the Park.
ne is an american, oroad-snouldered,
muscular, curry hairSu' cool. Lyness
mas no lear IN him' ne Is no conJurer'
cnarmer or tamer' merely brave en-
glneer. ,i3- .gaD
,"Lyness, wish you would thaw out
snese serPents 1or me- SAID Superln-
tendent Gonkln VINO supposed they
were aead, anu Wnen you nave them
9ncoiied' put them IN bags where ! can
ma them ana send them 10 the taxlder-
mist on MONDAY ;. So sr,
All rlgnt' SIR replied Lyness, AM.
caiiing the menagerle hands, he said:
" lump those serpents IN the engine
room. :.
loolas Lyness mad roaring hre In his
nalI-.on furnace. ne rakea down the
COAL put on the olast, and when the hre
was AZ wmte neat ne Threw open the
furnace door. linen he seized the coil
OF frozen Pythons. co6ras and black
snakes and dragged 1t close to the lire.
Lyness lighted hls pipe and sat read
ing paper In front OF the furnace, wait
ing 1or tne serpents 10 thaw OUT AFTER
while' happening 70 look down, ne saw
SIX great serpents' heads' with lustrlous
eyes ana dartlnS tongues. Lyness put
aown ms pipe ana paper; AS ne dla SC
tne coii OF serPents quadrupled IN size,
showing plainly enough that they were
re'itlnS' H..
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12

paper man laid his hand upon the door.
knob, ''it's only right that you should
know that the little fellow is of some
times. One of his delusions is that he
sincerely believes in the truth Of the
story he has just told"
els it, then, apochrypha.P''
The bystander shrugged his shoulders
and smiled.-N Y. Star.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
There WAS consid

There was considerable excitement
in Weedsport, N. Y, the other morning
over personal collision between two
young women on the street. A young
man who had recently been divorced
from his wife was walking out with
another girl. when the latter was sud.
denly assailed from behind by the di-
yorced wife. There was lively timr
for few minutes, in which the thres
participated, Soiled garments and th
loss of some hair summed up the dam
ages. kE ,EtE-C 8
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
The Gospel Of Relaxation.

The discouragementS which children
in their thirst for knowledge often en-.
counter from unsympathetic parents are
not least among the obstacles that block
the pathway of youthful genius. A Long
Island father, who, on leaviIg home in
the morning. gave his son Instructions te
hoe certain cornfield. returned to find
that his commands had not been obeyed.
Greatly incensed he cut willow wand
and went in search of the delinquent.
whom he discovered asleepin the shadow
of a hayrick with a newspaper lying by
his side. Accusing the sleeper with 8
few graceful strokes of the wand he
angrily exclaimed: l'.What does this
mean. sir? You have not had a hoe in
your hand to-day NO. said the
lad, squirming nightly, ..rve beer
reading Herbert Spencers, gospel of re-
Taxation" The willow did its work
well. That boy will never be anything
but an agriculturist,- Brooklya Eagle.
james Paul, an Austin, (Nev, > boy
Of thirteen, was, desirous sofascertaining
II an old pistol, which he had for play.
thing, was loaded or not. He tried
several ways to solve the problem, and
finally concluded to place lighted
match at the percussion tube and then
look down through the barrel to see if
the light was visible. The ball entered
the boys mouth. knocking out his two
upper front teeth, penetrating his
tongue from front to base. and passing
through the soft palate lodged against
the vertebre of the neck. He was i'm
mediately seized with violent fit of
coughing, during which he coughed out
the ball. The boy was somewhat dam
aged, but would probably recover.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12

.-Cosmogony," says an English
scientist. islands to geology in much
the same relation as entomology stands
to zoology" The English scientist will
discover, however, that his wife win
want new bonnet next spring just the
same.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
French Criminals.

A man wishing to steal fowls clambers
over a garden wall at night and breaks
into fowl-hOuse. He has bludgeon or
crow bar in his hands, but makes no use
of it to inflict bodily hurt on those who
capture him. Nevertheless, this man u
a felon who has committed burglary
with the sGatre Circumstances aggra-
vantes, i. e. in the night, with escatade,
Climbing over walls), with efraction,
(breaking open a door, and q main
arnaee, with weapon in his hand. }
He can only be tried at the assizes, and
if convicted on the four counts, must get
eight years reciusiOn, or twenty years
transportation. On the other hand, take
a man who by false pretences obtains
admission to house or shop, intending
to commit robbery there. He LAYS
hands on some valuables, and, being
surprised in the act, catches up poker
and knocks his detector down, inflicting
a serious wound. This mans crime is
evidently worse than that of the other
who went after the fowls-his is only .
misdemeanor, however, for he gained
admmittance to the house without vio-
lence. and was unarmed; his catching up
the poker, although it may have been q
premeditated act, inasmuch as he in
tended from the first to defend himself
somehow if caught, was, equally speak
ing, only an act of impulse committed
on the spur of the moment and without
malice prepense. Therefore, this man
can only be tried by Correctional
Court, and cannot get more than five
years imprisonment. Again, if a man,
wishing to jntiict on an enemy some
grierous bodily harm, walks into cafe.
says few angry words to him, and dis
figures him by smashing a decanter upon
his face, it is amisdemeanor, extenuated
by the apparent absence of premedita-
ton. The man walked into the cafe I'M
armed, and in the heat of quarrel picked
up the first weapon that came to his
hand. 1t might fairly be alleged that
the man knew he should find decanter
in the cafe, and that his quarrel was pur-
posely entered into, but the law will not
take account of this. If, on the con-
trary, the man entered his enemy's house
with loaded stick in his hand and as
saulted his enemy with that stick he
would be felon who must 60 to the
asslzes on charge Of attempted murder.
II might be that the man had taken the
stick without rejecting that it had a
leaden knot, but the onus of proving that
his intentions were not murderous, and
that in fact when he entered the room he
did not even propose to commit COM
mon assault, would rest upon himself.
A jury would probably Judge his case
according to his antecedents, and if it
were shown that his past life was not
blameless he might fail to get extenuating
circumstances, and might receive twenty
years transportation CornhiH Maya
zine.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12

"A remarkable accident happened in
the foundry of the Reading pa Hard
ware Company, where ninety men. are
employed, q few days ago. The atmos-
phere outside was dense, and all the
windows were tightly closed. Suddenly
a large quantitylOf sulphur and gas was
driven out of the opening in the cupulo
among the workmen. Ten became
deathly sick and dropped to the floor at
once. The others began vomiting. and
complained OF severe pains in the stom-
ach and head. Two were unconscious,
and remained in that condition for some
time. Men were lying disabled in every
direction, about seventy being affected.
Work was suspended the next day
Chicago Times.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12
Protecting His Character.

Entering the shop of his Six Avenue
tailor the other day, he said:y7- ~--l
''Sir, 1 owe you sixty dollars"
Eyes. sir, you do" 10
'.And have owed it for a year,
.sYou have EA-~E[ = - -
"And this is the fifth postal card you
have sent me regarding the debt"
II think it is the fifth .r ,yFg
Snow, sir, while l cannot pay the debt
for perhaps another, year,1 propose to
protect my character as far as possible.
Here are twelve 1two-cent stamps. You
can use them in sending me twelve
monthly statements of account, and can
thus save your postal cards and my feel
ings at the same time"
II is said that the tailor has credited
the twenty-four cents on account. and
feels that he has secured more of the
debt than he had any reason to hope
for.-WdH Street Ne,cs.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12

I'm an article on cheap reading mat
ter in this era of paper mills and light
ming printing presses, the ST. Lcnis Re
publican observes: !" When books which
were once reserved for the rich may now
be owned by news-boys, and when every
well-condueted daily journal is in itself
a small library of good reading, there is
no excuse for empty brains-and the
number of empty brains must Of necessi-
ty constantly diminish"
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-01-12

d" Sir said to him, in accents in
tended to freeze the blood in his veins.
you may not be aware that the young
lady whom you are escorting this even
ing is as good as engaged to marry me. ;
HE looked at me in blank amaze
ment for moment. and then said:
a. No, / was not aware of it. Since
when did she succumb to your manifold
destinations p
"sI mean business, sir ~ shouted.
If you wish the matter to be settled
without bloodshed, promise to relinquish
your attentions to that lady at once
He laughed, and said to bystander.
( :" Our small friend is evidently de-
.mented. Poor little chap"
"rhis was all that was needed to drive
my rage beyond control. Forgetting
the time, place. and my own unfortu-
nate size, l let out my left and took him
with all my might squarely on the 'front.'
ispiece. saw the claret flow. and be-
fore hand could be raised to save me,
the ruffian had lifted me as though /
had been q child, carried me along the
hall and soused me In the big aquarium.
[ heard shrieks of laughter as 1 was
dragged out. Rubbing the water from
my eyes / looked about me. Less than
ten feet away stood that perfdious girl,
stuffing her handkerchief in her mouth
and shaking with merriment. That
sight disguised me with women, and
since then have been more confirmed
bachelor than ever"
The little man savagely crunched a
carClamon seed as he concluded. As he
seemed at once to fall into a meditation,
the reporter softly left him.
! k..Say,n said bystander, a. the news
Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1883-11-30

On the 10Th inst. Postmaster
General Gresham made the follow
ing order: at appearing that Ger
tain persons have been practieing
systematic frauds on ex-Union sol
diers and their widows and or.
phans, or other heirs, by making
false representations concerning
pension claims, and cxtorting lille
gal fees for services pretended to
have been, or promised to be rem
dered, and this department having
eason to believe that some post
masters have been aiding these
fraudulent claim agents by furnish
ing them a list Of names of ex-
Union soldiers, and others suppos-
ed TO be entitled to pensions, and
also by distributing their address
ed circulars among that class,
therefore postmasters are forbid
den hereafter TO furnish such lists,
or to distribute any circulars of the
kind Indicated, unless they are adj
dressed to some individual, and arc
prepaid as required by law"
Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1883-11-30
For Youug Non 10 Rememher.

That clothes don't make the man
That if they once get in debt they
may never get out Of it.
That parting the hair in the
middle brings on softening Of the
brain. o.
That to deal honorably with all
men they begin with their washer
woman.
That they need something more
substantial than cigars, kid gloves
and a cane to start housekeeping
with.
That they cant depend on their
fathers fortune to bring them
through life. Fortunes are slip
perry things-bettor have some
thing besides to fall back on.
That a girl who decks herself
in the latest things out and parales.
the street'while her mother does
the washing, is not worth wasting
much love on.
That afellow who deliberately
proposes matrimony to a girl when
he can't support himself, is either
a first class fraud or a fool, unless
he marries for money and becomes
her hired man.
Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1883-11-30
DeStrnctiYe Storm.

FIT. Smith, Ark, Nov. 21.-To-
day at noon this section was visit
ed by the heaviest and most de-
structive storm ever known here.
II did not assume the character of
a cyclone, rs has been telegraphed
elsewhere, but the wind was unus-
ually violent, and was accompan-
led by torrents of rain that did
thousands OF dollars worth of dam
age. Among the buildings most
seriously injured were those of the
Cotton Compress company, the
Riverside hotel and Miller block.
A falling smoke stack from Nc
Leod, Vail & Sparkes' furniture
factory killed John Mechanics, en-
gineer, and seriously injured other
workmen. Excitement throughout
the city ran to a high pitch, and in
the confusion exaggerated raporIs
were t%elegraphed abroad. The
damage to property in the city by
reason Of the wind, and to crops,
fences and barns on water courses
by reason of the food which was
emptied from the clouds, will ag-
gregate many thousands of dol
lars. The Frisco road bed is UNI
der water in many places, but the
working of trains has not been rem
dercd impossible. Altogether it is
the most serious disaster that has
visited the Fort in many years, but
our people are resigned to their
loss, and are thankful it is no
worse.