The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-06-14
WIT AND HuMoR.
A Brooklyn shopkeeper announces

| from business and be honest.
1 Omaha produces sixth of all the lead
used in the United States. Texas prob
ably uses it.
NO." said Philadelphia belle, ''no
down low enough"
The world is progressing. Lawyers,
even, can now go fishing and say they
caught nothing.
The Widow of Ouray has just become
the wife of White river Ute named
Toomuchagut In this tribe he is called
''the David Davis of the vest
A writer in the New York Tribune
gives this good advice in two words,
how to cure an egg-eating hen-''Eat
her."
When poor fellow begins going to
the dogs, it is only his dog who contin-
ues. to sympathize with him.-LoweH
Citizen.
Now is good time for the q. S. to
free herself of many of her burdensome
statesmen. Send them all to witness
the coronation of the Gar
One of the laws of Moses; 81 meier
sell code unless l make offer dous-
and per cend. profit, so hellup me gra-
cious!'
A Detroit woman is SO artistic that
she has hand-painted the rattan with
which she whips her children, and tied
big bow OF blue ribbon on the end.
As a proof that Zone touch of nature
makes the whole world kim" observe
how friendly strangers become at dog
fight.
Two st. Louis lawyers called, each
other ''dirty puppies in court the
other day. Neither was on oath, but
their evidence was deemed conclusive.
George Augustus Sala says Chinese
letters and symbols are like ''prickly-
pear trees in state of ecstasy and FIVE
barred gates gone mad"
Il love that man with all my heart"
said a Philadelphia girl, '.but the
trouble is that if | answer yes every
body will say that married for money.
He is an editor"
The Crown Prince of Prussia. in his
boyhood, learned the trade of watch
maker. His countrymen are proud of
his best work." The Watch on the
Rhine
Newspaper English" has been the
subject OF many animadversions, but
there is this about it, that it can put in
more truth to the square inch than any,
sort of English going.
Singular, isn't it, how many small
men have large incomes?-New York
NeaOs. And the larger the income grows
the smaller some men become Cstg
Derrick.
During the winter we feel that we can
hold our own pretty well as an average
liar; but. now that the circus bill is be-
ginning to adorn the wall, we feel our
utter insigniicance. -EUaaaseAe Argus.
care you any relation to my sisterp'
He blushed and stammered until the
young lady, taking pity on him, solved
the matter by saying: mo, but he'd
like to be-wouldn't you, Alfredo
81 would like scalloped oysters she
remarked. He answered, meaning to
be funny: 81 don't know how to seal
lop oysters. - Then bias some," said
she.
The girls have taken to making patch
work quilts. Now it is to be hoped that
the piano will be shut and that we will
have peace, as well as pieces, in the
house.
1t is said that Ok Wilde is writing a
play for Lydia E. Pinkham, entitled
"a Giddy Girl" What healthy old
vegetable compound these two will
make.
4 Georgia maiden thus acknowledges
the receipt OF bouquet: Oh! the per-
meating aroma of that altogether too
lovely exuberance of nature inflated my
atflatus and kindled in my soul pas
sion that time can not obliterate!
Rev. DR.. Potter, of New York la
ments 1.-THE decay of enthusiasm. The
Boston Herald thin ks he cannever have
seen a dude with new street suit, or a
dudess with a pug to match her bonnet
and gloves.
An exchange tells of ga young lady
losing the sole of her slipper while en-
joying the Intoxicating whirl of the
waltz" Of what profit was it to her if
she gained the whole whirl if she there
by lost her sole!- Whitehall Times
A Syracuse soda fountain exploded
the other day, breaking young mans
leg and jaw. We have always tried
to impress the female mind with the fact
that the COMPOUNDED things were loaded.
Hartford Post.
The Brooklyn bridge seems to be re-
markedly firm structure, after all. The
other day a writer on the New York
Nation crossed it, and although he had
the manuscript of an editorial in his
pocket, the bridge did not bend.
"Ugh!' grunted Biggster at the din
ner table, "this pudding isn't fit for
hog to eat" The boarding mistress,
who overheard the remark, smiled
sweetly as she said, ''Then wouldn't
eat it, Mr.. Biggster.
"Why didn't you tell us there were
snakes here before we came?" demand
ed one of the young ladies of the picni
party. And the gentleman replied: Il
never speak of seeing snakes in my 10
cality; such remarks are calculated to
arouse cruel distrust of ones self"
Small clocks are attached to the prin-
cipal lamp-posts in Amsterdam. They
would be of no particular value in this
country. When an American citizen
calls upon a lamp-post for support, the
time o'day is a matter of supreme no
consequence to him.
His older sister was sick with the
measles, and when the head of the fam,
lily returned at night, anxious to know If
there was any further spread of the dis
ease, and asked Joe, Jr., if he had the
measles, the innocent reply was: ''
dom know what measle is
A mail-carrier makes the suggestion
that Sits be putin house doors to receive
letters. This would prevent wear of
bell-handles and waste of the carriers
time. If there were more Sits in doors
there would be fewer Sits in the COM
mandment against profanity.
Willie has 4-year-old sister, Mary,
who complained to mamma that her
button shoes were hurting her. ''Why.
q fHav-