The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1883-06-21

MIR. Lanigan OF Waukegan wsS = young
man Of twenty y.tvo years OF age. withl an
unlimited belief In his own comic powers,
aud . tender attachment for local young
lady. He was accustomed TO call upon
her at least four evenings in the week. and
TO entertain her with his brilliant conver'
sation from to II o'clock. When spend.
ing the evening with the object OF lis ad-
orstion he would constantly ask. "When
is door not door?' and insist that the
young lady should give it up and let him
furnish the answer. He also had habit
Of rema,king in an apparently careless
way that it was good day for the race.
and when the young lady out Of her vast
charity would ask what race, he would
triumphsntly answer, "The human racel
ha! hal!
The young lady was timid and gentle;
she disliked scenes Of violence and Ill hu-
NOR, and she could not bear TO treat an al
legged fellow being with unkindness; but at
last she felt that the time for endurance
was past, and that duty to her friends re-
quired her to suppress Mr.. Lanigan at any
cost. So on Wednesday last she gave
birthday party. All the young men and
young women Of Waukegan we're invited,
and all went merry as marriage bell.
Encouraged by larger audience than
usual, Mr.. Lanigan opened fresh stores OF
humor, and eliminated his criminal career
by displays Of amateur ventriloquism.
When he asked the imaginary old man in
the chimney what be was doing up there,
or held idiotic conversation with pretend
ed Peters concealed under the sofa, or
quarreled with hypothetic Irishman in
the clost, he cast gloom over the entire
campany.
Finally the ice.cream was announced
and the young hostess with her own hands
pressed plate OF that soothing compound
upon the hilarious humorist.
That plate Of ice-cream contained NOR
phine. and the drug was swallowed with.
out suspicion by the doomed Lanigan.
Fifteen minutes later, or at precisely 1915
he was seated in an arm chair profoundly
asleep. The guests recovered their spir-
its. The hum OF the conversation was re-
renewed. The dance went on.
All would have been well had not an
illjudged attempt to awaken Mr.. Lanigan
been made about midnight. The attempt
was failure. A wild hope that he was
actually dead flushed the cheeks and
brought smile to the Lips Of more than
one Of those present. but this hope was
dashed by DR.. Cory, leading physician.
who remaked that stomach-pump would
fetch him" and therefore went home to
procure that instrument, in spite Of the
remonstrances Of those who implored him
not to disturb the humorist. but to quiet.
" send the undertaken with coffin and
hearse. Nevertheless, the stomach-pump
was brought; Mr.. Lsnigan was carried TO
the back yard and carefully pumped out.
He was then filed with whiskey to coun.
teract the effects Of the morphine, and at
four o'clock in the morning was sufficient.
" recovered to be wheeled home in .
wheelbsrrow.
This story. while il furnishes terrible
warning 10 reckless Lnmorists, is especial.
ly valuable TO the oppressed. Morphine
can be procured at any drug store, and 0
dose large enough for full grown humor'
ist costs but few cents. The stomach.
pump need not be used. and. indeed
should not be- II is said to inhict tear
full agonies upon patient. aud the man
must be indeed hard.hearted who would
pump sluinbcring humorist back TO life.
--Rssoshd DemOcrdt