The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-09-14

WHOLE NO. 74O
WHY WE LAUGH.

Too much luncheon hampers the picnic
TIE Judge.
The yellow fever-The love of gold
Philadelphia Bulletin.
1t is believed in Boston that Prof. Sllgger
5. Sullivan is the inventor of the reversible
cuf.-LJe.
The Concord School of Philosophy has
talked out, dissolved, collapsed. The "which-
ness of the if" period has passed.-Lynn
Item.
When an editor of the Boston Post wrote
of Lutter as "an article of Diet" he probably
did not intend that it should appear in print
rs an s'article Of DIRT"
Stress of weather: "Dear lady, please help
an unfortunate man. l amt had no work at
my trade since last winter" "Poor man
What is your trade ?" "Shoyelin' snow,
num-"
81 need have no more fears from that
quarter" is what the storekeeper remarked
as he threw the couE .erfeit twenty -five.cen
piece into the fire, which had come back to
him several times YOnkerS Statesman.
ga snake twelve feet long wrapped itself
| around the fore and hind wheels of Ne
until killed" After that the cork was put
into the bottle and the party proceeded
| Hdrtford Post.
Mr.. Sitting Bull has tumbled from his high
estate. The other day Senator Logan
"sassed" the once terrible parsonage to his
teeth, and now the Fargo argus spells his
name with little B.
The introduction of the American game of
draw poker into England has created wide
spread alarm. If man has three ten spots,
"God Save the Queen" falls into disuse as a
toast, prayer, or tune.
Dibdn had a horse which he called
"Graphy." Every odd name" said friend.
Not at ALL" responded Tom; "when
bought him it was Buy-o- -Graphy; when l
mount him it's Top-o- -Graphy. and when l
want him to 60 it's Gee-ho-Graphy." ."-Som-
GRILLE Journal.
"Well, Jack, suppose you are training
that terrier pup | gave you last month";"
"Well, no, Jim; Pm afraid that dog will
never amount TO much" "Iiow's that?"
"Well, you see, wanted to crop his tail; so
l held him over stump while brother Tom
chopped; Tom, you know, is little cross
eyed, and he chopped a little too high up.
The tail is all right, but there is hardly
enough dog left to pay for training it, as 1t
were."
Honors were easy: A German citizen, ap-
preaching the window, requested that a
check payable to the order of Schweitzer.
case be cashed. "Ja, dots me, ," he nodded
reassuringly, in answer to the teller's look
of inquiry. "But don't know that you are
Mr.. Schweitzercsse. You must get yourself
identified" said the teller. "How vass dot?"
asked the German citizen, with a puzzled
look. "You must get some one to identify
you," said the bank office; 81 don't know
you" "Ah, JAZZ cried John, much relieved;
''dot's all right. don'd know you nelder"
buffalo Commercial.
Mr.. S. A. Bingham, a Connecticut editor |
went to Red Dog, A. T., to start a news
paper. He issued the first number with a |
leading editorial bearing upon the obvious |
impropriety OF church elders keeping their |
faro banks open during the hours of service. |
That same evening Mr.. Bingham left the |
towE. He brought away with him an excel |
lent sample of native bitumen. an extensive |
collection of feathers, and two small frag- |
ments of lead, which nothing but sweet oil |
aud surgeon codld induce him to part with.
Candid journalism has its drawbacks in Red |
Dog.-LUe.
Yellowstone humor: "Philip," said the
President, as the wagon came to halt in the
wild Yellowstone region. "Philip, I've got
good one" "Well, Chester" returned
Philip, "Im all attention" "Philip you
know | touched off the Southern Exposi-
tion? ?" ayes, Chester" "WelI, Philip, my
am bition now is to fire off canon !" s.Ches-
ter" said Philip glOomily, "I'm an old SOL
der. have suffered many things. have
always peen patient. But, Chester, until this
moment have never felt that could Justly
ask for my discharge. 1t was sometime be-
fore Mr.. Vest, with his theodolite, succeeded
in restoring good feeling.-Lortsrile Cogr-
ier-JOundl.
81 tell, you, pard," said old Jimmy Can
non, guide, 'the West has lost its romance.
Only little while ago, 1t seems TO me,
where once there was nothing but the whoop
of the Indian and the song of the six shooter,
now there are railroads and churches and
men and high schools and three
card-monte men and lecturers and daily
newspapers and every little while a natural
death. Why, within two months, if the
blasted papers tell the truth, several men
have died in Wyoming of disease. tell you
it locks as though us old-timers would have
10 move away. When we have to wait for
lingering disease to snuff us out, it's time TO
iISHb Vic -L-uTuWtg DUUHb- |
eran9."
Plantation philosophy: "De edycat:on OBJ
q man is his silver, but his common sense is
his gold. Fortune sometimes comes ter de
one what least expecks it, but it is more apt
ter come ter de man what works fer IL. De
wust boy don't alters turn out ter be de best
man. has know'd good boys ter drag along
an finally amount ter suthin'. Yer KANT
alters jedge ob man by his public walk.
It's sometimes de incest steppin' man dat
runs down de heel OBJ de shoe. De oman
what is wust bout runnin' 'roun' de neigh
borhood tellin' tales is de one what CON-
plains de loudes' when somebody talks bout
her. De wust lick eber got was from a
man what didn't want ter hit me. Now Use
mighty keerful bout crowdin' man. When
! pusson says dat he wants ter fight, yer's
'afe; but when he tells yer dat be doan want
'er fight, den stop right war yer s."-Arkan- '
,d,o Truueier. II