Middletown transcript., 1883-02-23
CHIPS

the patent outside newspaper. He has
only to wade through one half Of it,
Fall Riuer Advance.
An Iowa editor has a lengthy editor.
ial entitled, "a Month Of Horrors, =
and he was married only about six
weeks ago.-Ioledo Sunday american.
The difference between a cat and q
comma is,that one has the claws at the
end Of the paws, and the other has the
pause at the end Of the clause. -Terdc
Settings.
Caucuses for town meetings will soon
be in order. a caucus is where thirty
OF forty men get together and vote as
one man tells them to.-Mardthon m
dependent.
General Weaver, the quondam Green
back candidate, has started q news
paper. He will not have anything
more to do with greenbacks from now
on.-Teras SJtings.
"Pa," said little boy at the theatre
the other night, "I wish would hurry
upand get bald-headed. !" "Why, sonP"
because then I could always sit on
the front row Of chairs. e. Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
We have heard negroes singing I'm
bound for the promised land'' while
walking along the street at night. But
they couldn't fool US that way; they
were bound for somebody's hen roost.-
Park City Times.
In the balloting for Senator in Colo
rado, "the devil' received one vote.
There is evidently one Z independent
member Of the Colorado Legislature
who is strongly in favor Of Reform. "
-Norristolcn Herald.
A young man in Iowa was 50 impa-
tient to see his girl that he paid forty
dollars for a locomotive to run him
thirty-five miles. When he got there
she was sparkling his rival and a big
dog had possession Of the front door
steps.-Detroit Free Press.
The new Governor Of Alabama in
his inaugural address had one sentence
containing two hundred words. He
should study the brevity Of the sen
tence once transmitted by the Governor
of North Carolina to the Governor Of
South Carolina. Y. Herald.
It is said that there is a large army
Of destitute artists in New York, des.
pite the fact that S1.5O per cord is paid
for saving wood. - Dulutb Tribune
Yes, but we are buying fine oil paint
ings mounted and framed for $1.25 al
acre.-Elevated Railroad Journal.
II can never, never express my low
for you, - he said in a burst Of emotion
as his arm frightened about her waist
and she helped him out Of the difficult!
in breath Of girlish intuition by sug
gesting that he could ''send it all b,
mail for three cents. - Toledo Amer
ican.
The short month is upon us.-Dans
viUe Advertiser. 1t is upon US, also, il
fact, has been tarrying about our gentl
and ETHEREAL form ever since we enteret
the editorial sanctum, nearly ten year
ago. We have said to it git out I
but it will not "get'' worth cent
Whitehall Times.
The Attica argus advertisers for
compositor who twill allow the edito
to consult with him on matters per
tanning to the business Of the office
Guns, dogs and fshing-tackle will b
furnished, and the editor will endeayo
to arrange business in such manne
that it will not conflict with the com
positor's arrangements for amusement
A prohibitionist preferred.
Of all the champion eaters who arr
now being heard from, not one is rasl
enough to offer to attempt to eat thirty
railroad sandwiches in thirty days.
MIDDLETowN TRANSCRIPT. The rea
son is that very few people like taking
the most painful means Of committing
suicide. Even if they are insane
enough to wish to get out Of the world
they are generally shrewd enough moi
to like to face the horrors of the sand
wich route.-FdU RiUer Adrdnce.