Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1883-07-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

mond pin and is 80 cents out of pocket
thereby. -NorristoU Herald.
Is the man who delivers u declama-
ton through the telephone hellocu-
tionistp-Ihe Drummer.
EYES," sighed the tattered tramp as
he turned his pockets inside-out, "mon-
ey is nothing to me-"
Red Cloud has discovered gold mine
on his reservation. He is one of the
few clouds which have golden lining.
-New York Advertiser.
A married man doesn't SILVER now
when he passes seal-skin sacque store;
but the sight of q millinery shop sets
him wild.
Victor Hugo's latest epigram, sent to
a lady autograph fiend in Michigan, is
this: ITO love is to act" Yes, not in
frequently to act like q fool.-Boston
Herald.
Lady Brooks Caruthers is coming di-
rect to San Francisco with her six UNI
married daughters. Is possible we've
got to drop everything and take to the
woods again?-San Francisco Post.
A grocer at Des Moines put stone
under an old hat, and James WEIGH
kicked it and broke his big toe. The
grocer didn't quit laughing until ver-
dict of $500 was rendered in favor of
the kicker.
An absent-minded editor wrote love
letter and an editorial ut the same time.
| The love letter he sent out to be set up
In type by the printers and a long edi-
sorial on tariff to his girl. There was
fun at both ends of the route.
'Is the bowling of a dog always fol-
lowed by q deathp" asked little girl
of her father. mot always, my dear;
sometimes the man that shoots at the
dog misses him" was the parents re-
ply.-Denver Tribune.
Happy thought: Daughter of the
house (having tried her partner and not
finding him up to the mark)-"Stop!
Do you know, see that Miss Blinkin-
sop isn't dancing? really mnst give
you up to her r'-London Punch.
saw, have such dwedful calwd in
me he'd" remarked an Ivy street dude,
as he stroked the tender tip of his nose
Yesterday. Better that than nothing"
was the witty but cruel response of
| L SlIctb WIN Hctlu
Atlanta Constitution.
A Vermont editor wants to know
what gives color TO pure water. We
don't know what they generally use up
in Vermont, but down this way it is
generally something that is not legally
sold except under license.
| Courier.
A poetical streak possessed the editor
of the Springfield Erening Post, and he
sat down and wrote: peace again
spreads her wings over Chill and Peru"
but the fendish compositor made it
read: Peace again spreads her wigs
over Chilli and Peru"
At the counsel of revision: The doc
tor-'Have you an indisposition? What
do you CLAMP" The conscript-'I
have brother in the service. The
doctor-"That is not a malady." The
conscript-"No;b but it is, at least an af-
fectionr'-French paper.
No murders to-day" said reporter
on Kentucky newspaper. to the man.
aging editor. "What! not single one?"
"Well, / believe that there was little
one" IF that's all young man, don't
want you any longer. You are too lazy
to get around. ArkanSaw TrdUeler.
The hair of a girl employed in an
Eastern cotton mill was caught in the
machinery, torn Other head and ground
into bits. But the girl didn't mind it
much. She kept right on at her work,
simply rcmarking that it only cost her
"a anyhow. This is one of the advan-
tages of art over nature.
| Grocer Peterson in Stockholm has
got an outdoor man from Smoland. One
day ions complained of the terrible
heat. Il got up last night to look at
the thermometer, said he, land it
showed twenty-e degrees" (Cellius).
"Wa it in the shade?" mo; 1 had a
Eight"
Nature was wise when it ordained that
chickens should not have teeth. If it
were possible to look into chicken'a
mouth and tell its age, like that of
horse, by its teeth it would be squar,
give away on the farmer who was try
ing to palm off an old hen as young
pullet. Philadelphia Herald.
"Now, my dear" said Hartford
man this morning, ''you have made the
sleeves of this shirt too awful short.
never can wear il in the world. " "Well,
I'm sorry; but can't you wear it just
for one day?" IF I only had wart
on my elbow l might" why. what
difference would that makc?" Il could
use it for cuff button and be solid"
The stage beard looks as much like q
beard that grew there as a cows tail
would if tied to the bronze dog on the
front porch. When you tie heavy
beard on a young actor whose whole
soul would be churned up if he smoked
full-fledged cigar, he looks about a.
savage as bowl of mush and milk
struck with a club.-Montdnd Gazette.
"Mr. Sanctus, see that you enjoy q
pipe when you are out of the pulpitPh
every much, very much, sir!' $50 IL
appears; and what do you prefer to have
in it, as a rule?'' Shortcut, sir, short
cut, by all means" Indeed! and il
you're so fond of shortcut, why dom you
put little of it in your sermonsP"-
Yonkers Gazette.
A London clergyman says death is
grim subject to jest upon, and then
adds: at must be very awkward in the
other world before one knows ones way
about, and while one is liable 10 fall
across ones old acquaintances. Yes,
and to be hailed with that expression
one has got so weary of hearing every
summer: '1s IL hot enough for youP''
Boston Post.
When q young man says his girl IL
| sworth her weight i'm poldn he is moi