The Osceola times., 1883-11-10

A Western journal heads an article, "A
lunatic escapes and marries a widow
Escaped,eh? We should say he got caught
-Biughamton Republican.
Nothing 50 takes the conceit out of the
average man as to order his paper dis
continued, and then see the editor going
along and getting rich without him.
"lf Jones undertakes to pull my ears"
said loud d-inouthed fellow en- a street.
corner, he'll Just have his hands full"
The crowd looked at the mans ears and
smiled.
Dull rogues affect the politicians part:
And learn to nod, and smile, and shrug with
art;
Who nothing has to lose, the war bewails.
And he who nothing pays, ct taxes rails;
Congress.
When somebody told Mr.. Whistler
that friend of his had received legacy
Of 10000. "By Jovep cried the witty
spendthrift, that's 100000 year for
six months.
1t was terribly confusing to the small
Chicago boy, during the Knight Temp
lars conclave, TO see sixty brass bands
going in different directions and have
to decide instantly which one to follow.
'In what condition was the Patriarch
job at the end of his life?" asked a Brook.
lyn Sunday y-school teacher of a quiet
looking boy at the foot of the class.
Dead" calmly replied the quiet-looking
boy.
Even deacon won't say grace when
he steps into a railway eating-house.
He knows that it would be asking too
much to request that he be made thank
full for anything he will get there.-Bos-
ton Post.
The king of the Sandwich Islands is
allowed $4,000 year for Stationery.
Last year he bought $1,000 worth of
California lager and cigars from the
fund, and some of his subjects are mad
about it.
They we've at a dinner party, and he
remarked that he supposed she was fond
of cthnology. She said she was, but she
was not very well, and the doctor had
told her not to eat anything for desert
but oranges,
A crash is heard in the kitchen of a
house on Galveston avenue. The head
of the family calls out to the cook
What have you broken now, you blank,
black idiot?" Matilda stops singing
hymn to answer: "'Taint te fort com
mandment, bress de Lord"
Some one having propounded the
query, What invention would most ben
eft the community at larger" a suspic-
ious married woman replies:
"Agass 50 framed that when the husbands
The wife at home can see what he's about"
Berthe had half biscuit buttered, and
a whole one unbuttered. He gave Oracle
the whole one and kept the buttered one.
A remark being made about his giving
away the larger piece, Oracle said. "Yes,
he gave the biggerest, but he kept the
buttGest himself"
A receipt for making soup: Take pail
of water aud wash il clean, then boil il
till it is brown on both sides; pour in
one bean; when the bean begins to worry.
prepare to simmer. If soup won't SIM
mer, it's too rich. Pour in more water.
i'Tl tflc Wditi WIFI tOWtl DtIDTt YOU
put it in; the dryer the water the sooner
1t browns. Serve hot.
A lover, who had gone West to make
home for his birdie" wrote to her. "I've
got the finest quarter-section of land lone
hundred and sixty acrcs) | ever put my
foot down on" Birdie wrote back: Sup
pose you buy another quarter-scction,
Jobp so that Nou can have a lawn
ar9und your foot" John made home,
but Birdie never was the mistress of it.
young man with an umbrella over
took an unprotected lady acquaintance
in rain-storm, and extending bis UNI
brella over her, requested the pleasure
Of acting as her rainbow. "Ohw exclaim-
ed the young lady, taking his arm, "you
wish me to be your rain dear" Two
souls with but single umbrella, two |
forms that stoned as one.