The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-12-19

Napoleon, Nelson, Mozart, Hogarth,
Shakespeare, and Milton all believed in old
torseshoes for good luck
'sYou'i have to take the will for the
deca,st is what the heir said to the lawyer
when the latter presented his bill.
A Connecticut man recently killed bat
weighing a pound and o half. Must have
been brick-bat. burlington Hamheye.
San Albany girl has three tongues. Nature
never makes a mistake. She knew an
Albany girl would never get through talking
with one.
No, Princess, we cannot see the similarity
between loaf of bread and the sun, for
one is set before it rises, and the other rises
~bafore 1t islset
A Pennsylvania scientist accounts for
earthquakes on the hypothesis that the m
fernal region is only few miles below the
gsurface of the earth.
- Al Ohio breach of promise suit brought
out letters on which the postage was thirty
two cents, and in which the word I" darling
was used $50 times.
I sJsnnie Yeamans has made herself q great
favorite in Galveston. When she tried to
4ease town she was sent for and brought
back by special officers.
~ Cincinnati no longer opposes the bob
tailed car. Most of the drivers are near
sighted, and no passenger has any trouble
to get rid of his counterfeit nickels.
A ..a,a,xi ,.,,. -. oa.,, Az ~
to-day Is not the bilious man of fifty years
sagoa No. The bilious man of fifty yea 3
ago succumbed to the doctor long ere this.
To err is human to forgive, divine"
is a good old adage; but the Judge says
it is never quoted to us when we make a
nGstake. I'VE have to do the quoting for
Dufselvesn@
The wife of an Iowa man isn't hnlf Sc
pretty as she was before he carelessly left
two pounds Of powder on the kitchen table.
He tries to sooshe her by saying that pew
der is only skin-deep.
A Connecticut woman has written 10 the
Emperor of Brazil and asked him if he
won't please emancipate the slaves of tina,
country. He will probably do 30 to oblige
her.-Detroit Free Press.
The New York Christian Witness publish
ed the Ten Commandments the other weel
sand now the Texas papers are reprintinl
them under the. head line of Pearls o
Thouglit,1 credited to the Witness
A cats cries wakened canalboat captain
and family at New Haven. The boat ha,
filled and was sinking. Sixteen lives wer
..thus saved. The cot didn't care dn,t 70
that though. It yelled wholly on its owl
account. Boston Post
"a In, San Francisco the other day the ques
ton, Who was the Father of his Coun
.stry?" was answered by one-half the child
ren,, /" George Washington" The othe
half yelled, Dennis Kearney." Thi
shows TINT Kearney's influence is declining
An enterprising murderer can get ava
and stay away as long as he pleases. 1t
only persons who owe for soap, bought a
WHOLESALE, who draw out detectives, re
quisitions, and the entire constabulary {
urge return trip, with no incentive bu
justice.
AAtoeH years uSo uu AWuhIIu ilhiu hiie
"a peddler Ever since that time his wifi
has held the crime over him as O whip
obliging him to split all the wood, bull
the fires, and rock the baby. Rendere
desperate by her treatment he has give
himself up to be hung.
N Thoushtless people win listen year afte
year to the stale jokes of the Graredigge,
IN Hamlet and laugh at them ever.
time, knowing beforehand exactly what tn
actor. will say but if poor negro minstre
comes along with jokes not more than hal
q old az, those of Shakespeare these sam'
people viii lick Men Orleans Picaynne
These men'had been burglars ever sine,
they were weaned. They burgled ant
burgled under the eyes of the police. And
they had committed a very successful bur
elary quite recently, and were quarrelling
over the division Of the swag when they
killed each other. This made the police
glad. These burglars would have gone on
robbing and burgling to the end of their
natural lives had they not killed each other.
Thepolice never stopped them. burlington
Haaoksys.