South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-05-18
WIT AND F1U NOR.

VT AND H1U NOR.
An elderly resident Of Newport was
approssAed b An sxsht -.sssen.ly Cor
cyeiopsdis.. leuSss Won't get one
said the elderly resident; and frankly
aided: 4 know rever could learn 10
ride one 20 Of I, Tie pe.ky thiugs.s,
Come, ga said . youngs.er Just
home Tom school. how many peas in q
piu!| How can anybody tell that you
foolish .boyp 4 can every time. II
you don't believe it. try nc We'll
how many arc there .tens' Just one
p in every pint.'sle 81tg f4H g..
- ssiS
The difference between male fir,
and q lamp cieauer lies il The fact that
one il up 10 wonen's tricks and tho
othe: TO trimmin' wicks.
In England hous's arc being made o.
paper. Mex! they win be making pants
OF paper, aud then gracious help the
man who unexpectedly sits down In a
puddle.
Sd :" 80 FsggaRwg
a moderate Scottish minister, Who was
keen asher. once saii TO Dr. Andrew.
Thomson, Jwonder you spend so much
time on your sermons with your ability
md ready speech. Many,s the time
I've written sermon and killed sal
mon before breakfast to which saying
DR.. Thomson replied. Well sir. I'd
rather have eaten your salmon than lis.
tened TO Your Sermon 81
is your mis.ross INF. said a caller
TO the domestic. she is. sir is she
engagelr asked The caller. Faith. she
is moro than that was Bridge,'s re.
spouse. Shes married.
'uey jennie ! want to 90 fishing to.
morrow. Do sou think you can GO. ms
some wormsT Cam 'smorning-too
busy but mebbe you can get 'em of my
Little brother Bill-hs's got EN- How
do you know oh heard the doctor
tel! nanny this mcrnin'.' ~
" aH- GE ~ 81 II /
n lawyer who died recently, left the |
greater part OF his money to the asylum
TOR iunatics and idiots. lie said the
money ought to go to the classes from
whom he received it, ~
HoAIHY AND ARNIcA. old dar
KEY came into an Austin drug store
with his head bandage 40 AMI croan.
irg as If every bone in his body was
brokcu.
What's the mat,er?' askel the drug
clerk We have had the berry debble OF
time. 100 and de ole waman, batterins
each udder wild de chairs and SIGH
Well what do YOU want?
We needs acme anarchy. Oar amt
no anarchy in lie house. De bottle got
smashed In de fuss. and dc anarchy
spilled all obor de floor
III you had more harmony in your
house, there would be less anarchy.
remarked the drug clerk, smiling as he
filled n small bottle of arnica.
You am right boss. Oats jes what
dc fuss was about. De reason We needs
anarchy il bekase dar was no honiuy
in de house, and dats why dc ole woman
hit me wild dc chair - tras .SJhings.
WASN'T a SUCCEss w har' yer been
fur so long asked Old fsom of Black
Ned.
Use had de rcmitten' fever Ned re-
piled. #H
1T wasn't q success, ] see
What yer meaR?
'Yer's had &c remittoaIevcr, yer say?'
Dat was dc full text oh my procla.
nation
Wall ycrsef owes me ten dollars an
L notice dat yer didn't remit. OATS
what makes me say it want success,
- IrGueycr.
TICKLED lIoosIER. An Indiana
farmer walked into the house the other
day, with q ticklod look on his face and
his hat on his ear, and called out:
BY gum! Hammer, what do you
think?'
What's happened now
You ksow that fellow who sold INC
the churn and had me sign papers?
Yes
We'll that paper was note for nifty
dollars
'Noar
True as preaching. And wha: else
do you SUPPOSE
lie sold it?'
Right you are. Went and sold IL 10
bank in Vncennes, aad I've 90. to
pay it. Think Of il. Hanner-my note
good huff TO be sold 20 bank four
gtOrias hioh arl vSt.b ,.f,ts -