Connecticut western news., 1883-03-28
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS. WHAT WE FIND%IN THEM TO SMILE OVER. The Bad Boy and the GrOceryman-AW Warm Trail-A Little SmOke-The Lime-Kiln
 Club, Etc., Etc.
AN ENGLISH STORY.

large country town in England the toast of the "Army, Navy, and Reserve Forces' was proposed in terms of equivo- cal compliment. In submitting the toast the chairman said, "This is a toast which requires very little comment from me, as the subject is one with which you are all familiar The Army and Navy have been dr,s'ek for very many years, and the Re serve Forces have now been drunk for something over twenty years." The re- suit was an explosion of merriment, the meaning of which it took the genial and learned chairman, gentleman with national reputation, some little time to comprehend; but when he realized the dreadful import of his little slip he joined in the laughter as heartily as any who graced the festive board.
 BROKE UP THE DRILL.
 A Buffalo paper says that at fire-drill in public school of that city an excit- ing scene was witnessed. When the alarm rang out every teacher and pupil was instantly in the proper place. Just as the signal Ego" was given, bad boy Buffalo claims to have one or two bad boys-shouted: "My, what ratl'' With yell that would make band of Indians white with envy, every teacher was on the benches, followed by every girl in school. Tableaul
 THE T,TNE-KII,N CJ,uR
 "I see by de papers," said Brother | Gardner as he motioned to Samuel Shin to drop one of the back windows, I see by de papers dat Prof. Gillian predicts dat in 1888 de cull'd people will be in de ascendency. Jist SO. We'll drap two mo winders an discuss de subieck 8 little.
 "My fren's," continued the President, after long and solemn silence, eff Prof. Gillian am not fool he am de l nex' bes' thing-a crank. One hundred vars will not do what he says. We can't fetch it. We was bon in de wrong time of de moon, brought up on de wrong kind O eatables, an eddecated in de wrong kind of skules. We have an shall progress. Our chill'en will know mo dan we do, an deir chill'en will be g peg higher, an de day will come wher
 we shall stan higher in all de arts an
 sciences, but we mus not forgit de pres
 ent. Oar am mouths to feed, an bodies
 to clothe, an house rent to pay, an fue
 to buy, an he who loses days work tc
 dream ober Prof. Gilliam's prophecy
 shows his lack of sense. If, arter all dt
 present members of dis club have beer
 sleepin' for half a century in de grave
 de white man begins to lose his grip an
 de black man begins to cotch on, it vii
 be all right. Meanwhile doan' miss
 cog. Doan' be made fools of. Doan
 try to clothe de. chill'en wid de raimen
 of hundred var hence, an doan' ex
 peck dat de predickshun dat we shall ul
 timately warm our feet in de halls o
 Congress am gwine to satisfy presen
 hunger. We will now tighten our belt
 an pitch into de reglar order of bizness. Detroit Free Press.
 THE TRAIL WAS TOO HOT.
 One of our fox hunters gave Jour10 scribe the following account of an ad venturous day afeld: cone mornin lately, as I was crossing lots with m hound, I saw an old red run into thicket. I put the dog on his track an : concealed myself in the thicket, know ing that fox will often circle and pie up his old track. I could hear tn hound baying way off toward Ne
 Gloucester. Then it changed and gre more and more distinct, and knew tn fox was returning. must have awaite some half hour when saw the fox dal into hollow log little distance to m left, but as he went out the other end remained in my hiding place, supposin , it trick of the fox to put the dog off h . track. The dog was puzzled only an il . stant, and followed the fox on long, |, circuit this time, but in the course of g V hour saw it again enter one end of tl
 log and out at the other. Thinks I, I'm e chap, I'll play you Yankee trick l. @ stopping up the further end of that log f This I did and again hid myself, hopir s for third return. was hidden abol e the same length of time, when, by u l voice of my dog, knew the fox was r D turning. A few minutes later saw tl - fox enter the log. I ran up to the ope y end and soon had it secured. This beir ], done awaited the coming up of the do !. which I tied to sapling, while I wei e out to get an ax. soon got back ar l. opened the log sufficiently to see fol Il foxes instead of one. How was that : Its plain enough. One fox would rr + until tired, then would enter the log al another would take his place. 'B y why did not the hound bay the three 1t the log?' 'The trail was too hot, ye n see "-LeaOdsto,a, (lNe.) Journal. I' LITTLE SMOKE.
 A Frenchman, finding himself in
 railway carriage with two English fello, i, travellers, says politely to the lady: ! "Will you permit me to light n d cigar?"
 Q "No, sir; by no means P replies h f. male companion; the smoke of yo1 cigar would be very offensive to n i wife!'
 ,u The Frenchman, with melancho i; bow, puts his cigar back into the ca
 and finds consolation in sleep.
 l Presently he is awakened by sens ,f tion of suffocation and finds the Englis l. man blowing whole stratum of clou s- out of villainous short pipe.