The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-03-30
WIT AND HUMoa.

nc trleu 10 KICK the roof I'LL IN,
And sat down on the floor.
When Dolphy dropped the girls all laughed
IL was an awful fall
And when they had their backs-all turned
He backed up 'gainst the wall;
He called friend, took Off the skates
And giving him the wink,
Said "Jim lend me that long tailed coat,
want TO leave the rink"
Louisville Courier Journal.
The coming rage in hair is a soft and
lender red, like that of a tomato which
has grown old, and lost usefulness.
A Florida paper has the equivocal SEN
oence: ''The visit of the members of the
Assembly to the lunatic asylum is al
ready producing good results"
A far Northwestern journal describing
q girls narrow escape from death on a
certain railway crossing says: .'That
crossing is bound to give us good item
some day."
DIR. Hall says it is very unhealthy to
live on the ground floor of house
Doctors right. A fellows creditors
can climb in on him with so little trou-
BILE.
Mrs. Regularity has become so accus-
toned to retire punctually at 10 o'clock
that all you have to do is to set the clock
q couple of hours ahead TO put her fast
asleep at 8p. m.
A restaurateur in Chestnut street has
the following notice posted in his win
dow: Ladies' dining-room back. ~
There is an opportunity to invest in
new back when the old one is worn out
with rheumatism.
It's rather embarrassing for a shop
keeper to be obliged to bluff tax asses
sor on the valuation of his stock, and on
being burned out that night, have to
face the same man as chairman OF an
underwriters committee on valuation.
Violinist Remenyi defines genius as
1.-THE power man has to kindle his own
fire." 1t is on cold Winter morning
that a married man is most willing to
acknowledge his lack of genius. -Lo,oeU
Citizen.
publish my biography said the
Colorado candidate for Office to the
newspaper man; ''by Judas Iscariot,
if you say word about my past life
until after election I'll assassinate
you.''
Monterey, Mex, is to have streetcars.
We do not see what they want of street
cars. If Mexican had mile to go, he
would walk three miles the other to
catch mustang and saddle it and ride
to his destination.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton advises bill
iards for girls. Elizabeth would never
theless be shocked to see girl come
home with the front of her dress all
chalk and bearing an odor OF strong
drink.
Maria Sanders, on marrying John
Beabout, aged "a, at Ashland, o., re-
ceived present of 100000 in real es-
tate. She says, however, that it is
love match. Maria certainly had good
ground for her action.
Kansas has in the last five years plant
ed about 10000 cottonwood trees and
there need be no fear that vigilance COM
mittees will have to tote prisoner over
two or three counties before finding q
place to hang him.
A Philadelphia clearinghouse keeper
won't take any but pretty girls and sus-
ceptible young men. Those who fall in
love are seated together. at the table and
of course lose their appetites. She is
getting rich.
A certain caravan orator at fair, af-
ter u long yarn descriptive of what was
to be seen inside, wound up by saying:
"Step in, gentlemen, step in. Take my
word for it, you will be highly de-
lighted when you get out"
Little Willie, having hunted in all the
corners for his shoes, at last gave them
up, and climbing on chair, betook him
self to dictionary. ''Papa alwayslooks
in it to find things, and I'm looking in
it to find my Shoes
Miss Jennie Flood, of the Pacific
coast, has S2,500,000 in 4 per cents. 1t
is little strange thatsome Pacific coast
youth has not yet learned that "there is
tide in the affairs of men, which, taken
at the Flood, leads on to fortune. u
COurter-Jour'aaI.
A New York policeman has just died
from the effect of bite inflicted by
man in a fit. If New Workers were gen.
orally subject to fits, they might have
some show of getting even with the po-
licemen who undertake to club their
brains out.
YES" he said, carrying so much
costs pile to have it carried from de-
pot to depot; but then, you know, the
railroads allow man TO carry $50 lbs,
and a fellow likes to get all that belongs
to him.
A New York dramatic paper an
nounces that, at the close of Mrs Lang
try's tour, Mrs. Lydia Pinkham will take
the stage in new play supported by the
old hermit of St.Jacobs Oil fame. There
will be no Gerhard allowed around the
premises.
Translated from the Omnibus: "But,
mother, must with Mr.. Schmueckle
dance, and he SO very old manp""Old
manp Have not myself. in my single
days often and much with him danced,
and myself never about his age trou-
bledP"
A Brooklyn lady caught burglar in
her room and compelled him to marry
her. Since this terrible punishment
there has been great falling off in the