davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09
Ancient History MOdernized.

Pa, asked Willie Jones, as he was
studying his history lesson, who was
Helen of Troy.
Ask your ma, said Mr.. Jones who
was not up in classic lore.
Helen OF Troy, said Mrs. Jones,
who was sewing new heel on the
baby's shoe, was & girl that used to
live with us; she came from Troy
New York, and We found her in an
intelligence office. She was the best
girl l ever had before your father
struck Bridget.
Did pa ever strike Bridget? asked
Willie, prick;ng -p his ears.
Twas speaking paragorically, said
Mrs. Jones.
There was silence for few mo-
ments then Willie came TO another
epoch in history.
Ma, who was Marx Anthony?
An old colorsi nan who lived with
NV Ia. Wiz: does 1t say about him
there
Ii saws his vifs's name was CleOPa.
TIA.
The very, Cl5 Cleo used to wash
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09
Puppy Nurses.

As for "those women who prefer hu l,,u
ing puppies rather than them ,i ysr
babies they are moved by the gn' Cor
sal law of nature, which str9ggiEe or II.
the survival of the fittest ana suomi ami.
mates the inferior to the superior I IL.
NAL. In their case the difference .Sst
the puppy viii never become a stree dTsy1
firt. display a vOluptuOus form li to eI him
man she meets, and so anlnlaLlLS -, nv
to the extent Of her power; a Pup nd
will never shipper behind her tan tb M
turn up her eyes, like q duck !, ~ . +orne
derstorm, to catch an ehglOiIs IL ar 3
man. Puppy will never be a duu J TIE
defaulter, a fool OF felon; @-H nh
Pt goman should know her Place s.i
animated nature, and if one Ter 70.
this i subordinate to thai o.
whv should she not step into H.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09
A Real Nice Girl.

saw girl come into street car
the other day, who, was ready to
et,had made her own dress, and how
nice she did look. She was one of
those clean, trim girls you see now
and then. She was about IS years
old, and to begin with looked well fed,
healthy and strong. She looked as
though she had a good sensible moth
er at home. Her face and neck and
ears and her hair were clean-abso-
lutely clean. How seldom you see
that. There was no paint, no pow
der, no paint on the smooth round
cheek or firm dimpled chin; none on
the moist, red lips; none on the she'll
tinted, but not too small ears; on the
handsomely set neck rather broad
behind, perhaps, but running mighty
prettily up into the tightly corded
hair. And the hair! 1t was of a
light chestnut brown and glistened
with specks of gold as the sun shone
on it, and there was not smear of
oil or pomatum or cosmetic on it;
and there was not a spear astray
about it, and not pin to be seen in
it. AS the girl came in and took her
seat, she cast all easy unembarrassed
glance around the car, from q we'll
opened gray eye, bright with the in
imitable light of ''good condition., !"
such as you see in some handsome
young athletes who are in training"
There were no tags and ends, fringes,
furbelows, or fut.ering ribbons about
her close, but easy fitting suit of tweed,
and as she drew off her glove to look
in her purse for small coin for fare,
noticed that the gloves were not new,
neither were they old; they were sim
ply well-kept, like the owner and their
owners hand, which was a solid hand
with plenty of muscles between the
tendons, and with strong but supple
fingers. 1t would have looked equally
as pretty fashioning pie in a home
kitchen OF folding bandage in ahos-
pital. 1t was hand that suggested
at the same time womanliness and
work, and was sorry when it found
a five cent piece and had to be reglov-
ed. One foot was thrust out a little
upon the Stats of the car floor foot
in good walking boot that might
have splashed through rain storm
without fear of damp stoclings-an
eminently sensible boot on two and
one half foot with high instep, a
small, rounded heel, and a pretty
broad tread. The girl was a picture
from head to foot, as she sat erect,
disdaining the support of the back of
the seat, but devoid of all appearance
of stiffness. Perhaps the whole out
fit to be seen from hat to boots did
not cost $40; but l have seen plenty
of outfits costing ten times OF twenty
times that, which did not look one
tenth or one-twentietb as well. If our
girls only knew the beauty of mere
simplicity, cleanliness and health, and
their Observation-Disclosures Capt.
tai.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09
lie Had Seen Them.
Arkansaw Traveller.

"Helloap called a traveller, stop,
ping near an sold timers" house, and
addressing a man. "Haveyou seen any
men on horseback passing9'
eyes"
"Were there four in the party9
"Yes, Jest about. y
where do you suppose they are by
this timer"
Some O. them dead, rekin."
what! you don't say SO! Don't
suppose they've had any trouble 90
you?"
81 reckin they have"
did they have fight with some
body2"
Don't know" .
"What makes you think some OF
them are dead?"
Its time"
81 don't understand YOU"
What did yer ak me?"
IF you had seen four men pass
here"
"An' what did | tell yer?
THAT you had"
well then"
"But what makes you think that
some of them are dead?"
"Cause it's time"
"Still l don't understand you.
"What did yer Ok me?"
IF you had seen four men pass
here"
"What did l tell yer?"
ooh, hang it, you said that you
had"
"Wall."
But why do you think they have
had trouble?"
"Cause it's time"
"Inever met just such another
case. I'll declare 1 don't understand
you"
"What did yer ak me?"
Blame your foolishness. You
know what I asked you. l asked as
plainly as 1 could speak, if you had
seen four men pass here"
"What did I tell yer?"
II don't believe you've got half
sense. You talk like an idiot. You
told me that you had"
WALL"
"Now, d-n your ugly skin, l
want to know why you think any OF
3 m are head!"
"Cause it's time!"
II won't stand any such foolishness.
If you don't tell me I'll get down and
whale you till you can't stand up"
"Get down then, get down. You'll
find me mighty peart old chap. I've
been waitin' fur you a long time. l
aim had no fun since old Josh Spears
moved outen ther neighborhood. Bill,
calling his son, ''hold the gen leman s
boss till he get down and mixes with
your pap"
INV friend, don't want to have
any trouble. l asked you a simple
question.
An what GIG Tell you!
"Here, boy, hold this horse. No
blamed fool shall treat me in that
way. I'm an Arkansaw man myself. "
The boy took hold of the bride
rains, and the traveller dismounted.
"In give you one more chance" he
said. Have you seen four man pass
here?'
Yes"
"When?"
"Wall now you're gettin' at it. l
seed EN- twenty years ago un' l reckin
some O. them are dead by this time.
I've seed more than four men pass
here in my time"
The traveller reflected a moment
and asked:
Have you seen four men pass here
to-day?"
"No. sir.
"Why didn't you say SO at frst?"
You asked me if l had seed foul
men pass here, but you did't say
when. When you AK a man a ques-
ton AK him squar."
The traveller without replying
mounted his horse and rode away.
! Ancient History MOderniZed.
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09

While Paul the six--ear-old son OF
L. L. league, was playing on the bank
of the new railroad reservoir at Long
view. he was accidentally pushed into
the water and drowned.
The tial Of the case Of Messenger
vs.. the Houston and Texas Central
railway at Corsicana, resulted in YER
dict for the defendant. The plaintiff
was a brakeman and sued the company
for $1,000 damages on account Of hav-
ing had his leg broken in a wreck.
CHmDHCCD's PrOgress-fron pap g
papa
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09

.sYrs- exclaimed Brown, yoI In
find me With a pen n ny i--s-- Ifs
a-rerzla- pen-holder, nv 10Y .-I5sr
80 said Fog. musingly, . '1--
is1s-sIlv a stick. isn't If
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09

-Bastrop Advertiser: Sam Fowler.
colored, tell us that he had a colt, three
months old, to fall into a well forty
five feet deep, at 6 o'clock p. IN, We'd
nesday, which remained in the well IN
I'll IL o'clock a. m, Thursday, when 1t
vas taken out, apparently without any
injury.
"YoU hal better as for manners thank
MONEY!. said a finely-dreSsed gentle
nan to a beggar boy who asked fer
aims. L asked for what / thOughl
v.u had the most Of, vas the boys re-
plv-
San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-08-09
The Dude.

Ine Duucs
OK II, @, pop1k'I
Is tho actress
this dude 20 besets'
1fshi. bllIiar A.. bills, bouquets
aud bets. Is his
cheek. cigarette. cane
snd collar. Dis his drinks
on another mans dollara'
Is his eye glass and
English airs. r. the
gres lunch that be
never
spares
q A. the girl lac en-
deayors 10 mash II II his Ia
.jus, as i!at as his cash, ~ his
isno rance, always dis. plaSes,
Tia the jewelry on mm array,
cd \ "a his knCwiedge OF folly
and sini / Is his his i leg h ,s
"a n side y is his neck tie.
soilel shirt TO hide. ~ his
old man. whom he'll NOT ~
iorse. is his pocketbooh
empty OF course, q ~ ms
quarrel when he gets
RICK. -
ue racket that makes
him so sick. l. his bhopS
very SHARP
IL lis tailor
n fills
~ n, with
q is
uncle
VIII paSs
ante's DllI
V Is M
vice tnat
makes him
Lack so Ill.
WIS his wash
woman scod-
ING the beat.
is Xer- ton to keep
on Lis feet. is his yawns, for he's
TRAD ont nniie, y IL tie Zigzag he walks wht
he's tight,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27
Arthur can Nominate Himself.

From the Philadelphia Chronicle-Herald
Mr.. Arthur's presidential candidacy
is no longer matter for good -natured
jest. 1t is true that he has made no
personal expression of desire to be
renominated. But his friends among
the politicians are beginning to display
an activity on his behalf which he has
made no attempt to check, and it is re-
ported by those who have observed
closely his inclinations that the subject
Of denomination is far from displeas-
ing to him.
The fact is that his nomination can
be very easily consummated by putting
forth little exertion and by judi.
ciously using the patronage at his COM
mand. Of the 410 votes, which the
successful candidate in the republican
convention must have, ,306 will come from
the south---that is to say from the adven-
turers, bummers and pap suckers of the
republican party. As the southern de
legations will be made up almost solid
ly of office-holders and oi,ice seekers,
they will instinctively turn to the foun-
tain head of official power without
much persuasion on the part of the pre-
sident.
He will thus need but a little more
than one hundred votes in the north
ern delegation. He has no rival in his
administration who will stand in his
way. Does anyone suppose that if he
makes the effort he will fail to secure
them The question is, Will Mr. Ar
thur make the effort If he does the
chances are that he will be the candi-
date of his party.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27
THE SURPLUS FUND,

The plank in the republican platform
endorsing Wharton Barker's scheme
for distributing the surplus in the gov
ernment treasury among the States
was adopted without due consideration
and is denounced by leading republi-
cans as impracticable and burdensome
to the people. If the government has
more money than it knows what to do
with, Congress should pass laws that
will prevent the accumulation of an
unnecessary surplus. The abolition of
internal revenue would accomplish
this. There is no reason why the
people should be obliged to pay taxes
on very many articles of daily con
sumption simply to raise fund to be
paid back to the States The costs of
collection of this money and the ex
penses of the huge machinery necessary
to conduct the department, come di-
rectly from the pockets of the con.
sumers, and by far the better way is to
leave it there. Barker's scheme, en-
dorsed by the republican party of this
State, furnishes sufficient reason why
every man who wishes his taxes re-
duced and does not believe in being
robbed of his money for the benefit of
office holders, should vote the demo-
cratic ticket this fall.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27
- - -
A Misused Word.
From the Boston Traveller.

From the Boston Traveller,
Perhaps the best abused word in the
language is professor. There appears
to be mania for attaching it to all sorts
and conditions of men. Time was when
the word carried with it certain sig
nifcance, but nowadays that signif-
canoe is found only in its insignifcance.
A tledgling of one-and-twenty, who, 10
use the expression of Ephraim Smooth,
''rubbeth the hair of the horse against
the bowels of the cat" or, in other
words, plays the fiddle, Is dubbed pro-
fessor; the bruiser, whose only ambi-
tion is to knock out of all semblance of
humanity the face of his opponent, is a
professor of the manly art" the negro
who polishes your boots for the muni-
ficent remuneration of five cents, is pei
force professor; the collector OF the
city's garbage and the driver of the
street sweeping machine are professors;
and so also is the operator to whose
tender mercies you submit your chin to
be reaped with serious misgivings con,
cerning the safety of your throat, and
SO on ad infnitatn. This may be all
right, for it is levelling age, and what
right has any man, no matter what his
moral or intellectual standing, to pos
sess and enjoy a title, which his fellow
man, no matter how far down in the
social scale he may be, has not the same
right to appropriated But, for all that,
the indiscriminate use of the word bor-
ders on absurdity, and if there is any sig
nificance whatever in the use of the
title; if it carries with it any particular
honor, OF if it is symbolical of any es
pecial fitness as applied to the teacher
of any Of the liberal arts and science
then it should be applied only to those
who are entitled by high intellectual
standing to rightly wear it,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27
ITEMS.

Mrs. Frances Marie Howe, formerly
Mrs. Scoyille, Guiteau's sister, has
brought an action against her late hus-
band for alimony in the Chicago
courts.
The banks of the Susquehanna fur
nish large number of the frogs sold
in the Philadelphia and New York
markets Fred. Waller, of Marietta,
recently killed l3O in a few hours.
A fire at Montgomery Station, Ly-
coming county, early Saturday morn
ing destroyed the planning mill of Bar
Der & Henderson and the general store
of Henderson 81 Scully. The loss on
the planning mill and stock is $4,000 /;
insurance, $4,000.
The Brooklyn bridge is proving a
white elephant, so the papers say. The
income is only about at the rate of
100000 a year, while the interest on
the sum it cost is little over a million
dollars annually.
Large swarms of locusts have made
their appearance on the east end of
Long Island since Monday, and are
causing widespread damage among
the corn and grain fields. They have
already extended over territory Of
nearly twenty miles square and are rap
idly spreading westward. The farmers
of the infected districts are employing
men and boys TO kill them.
The records of the Treasury Depart
ment show that Lille Langtry is the
owner of Sl2,700 in three and half
per cent. government bonds, She
will receive the interest on her bonds
for the first time on the first of August
next The treasury officials have been
directed to forward the interest to the
account of Lille Langtry, Union Stock
Bank, England.
There has been formed at Chicago a
''single wheel buggy company" with a
capital of S2,S00,000, Mr.. William
Vogie is the inventor. The Tribune
says "The latter consists of a wheel
which will be attached to horse by
means of a pair of buggy shafts, and
which will carry at the other end bug
gy seat, The inventor claims that by
means of his new contrivance absolute
safety in driving is secured, as the
wheel can only tip or turn over in case
the horse does the same thing, Be
sides, he claims that his new vehicle
can get anywhere horse can get, and
that the horse will be able to make
greater speed in this contrivance than
in any sulky of the old pattern"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27
Summer Prices at Oak Hall.
Lower now than for years past.

To speak with rural friends through the out-of
town press is too slow to tell daily story. We
only give general facts here and claim visit to Oak Hall
for details Of this be certain Oak Hall will always
give the best bargain The best service at the least cost
is our purpose, regardless of profit and loss.
To-day the popular bargains are Mems 5000 True
Blue All-Wool Flannel Suits, Mems $2.oo fancy Cass-
mere Pantaloons and Large Boys Ayrshire Cashmere
Suits at s425. Half prices only. They will be continued
and are only referred here specimens of what we will
do for YOU when you visit
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27
Going for the Lawyers.

A Bellefonte paper makes some plain
remarks about an institution which our
people know something about-some of
them to their sorrow. We print the
article
''Victims of the Lycoming Fire In.
surance fraud should see John G. Love,
Esq, and join in a united effort of re-
sistance to this band of robbers Facts
in our possession warrant the belief
that this outrage upon the people can
be successfully met, therefore we ad-
wise all the policy holders to resist
these unjust assessments. Those who
do not may expect to pay every dollar
of their premium notes before they see
the end of this outrageous business and
IN addition one per cent, on the amount
insured. The mistake that was made
two years ago was that the board of
officers were not all arrested for pur-
jury and conspiracy TO defraud and
the lawyers on the committee that were
sent from Bellefonte to investigate the
affairs of the company who came home
and reported that the officers of the COM
pany had been making false reports for
years, and then solicited the job of col
lecting these unjust assessments, should
have been prosecuted for joining the
conspiracy. Their action in trying to
fill their pockets by fees for these col.
lections at the expense of their neigh
bors will not help their business in the
future or add any lustre to their char
acters.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

1t is the duty of the democratic
members of the House to insist on an
apportionment, and they will be up
held by the party in remaining at their
posts until the constitution Is complied
with. If no apportionment should be
made before the meeting of the Dem
ocratic State Convention, a plank
should be adopted in the platform de-
nouncing the republican Senate for re-
fusing to comply with the law, for
prolonging the session unnecessarily,
at great expense to the State, and
calling upon the democrats to insist on
just appCrtionment before adjourn
ment; The republicans have two
objects in view in resisting They
have larger delegation in Congress
now than they can possibly get under
any other distribution, and they hope
to put the responsibility of the extra
session on the Governor by making it
a failure. The democrats are right
and they should stick, Notwithstanding
the constant cry of the Times and
other republican papers, to adjourn.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

The Daily Legislative Record con
tinues to come safely to hand. Under
the present reform administration it is
only from six to seven weeks behind
the current date JVilkes-6arre Rec
ord.
The last Republican Legislature ad
journed in June, and the last copy of
the Legislative Record was sent out in
October, only four months behind time.
The present administration seems to
have improved on this, anyway.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

The Pottsvillc Miners Journal says;
The demand for domestic sizes of coal
is fully equal to the production, and
most of the operators are sold up for
the month. The trade never looked
better at this time of the year, and the
indications are ali favorable for an
unusually brisk fall business. The i'm
provement in the iron market contin.
ues, and the furnace men are therefore
hopeful Of a speedy resumption of a
good business This is al that is
needed to stimulate traffic in the larger
sizes Of Anthracite, which are now to
some extent, drag upon the trade. 1t
looks now as though the crisis in the
years trade had been passed, and no
further suspension will be necessary.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

1t is now admitted that the Republi-
can slate for state candidates was made
up by Quay, Cameron and Magee be-
fore the convention, and the machine
was to have been run by the bosses as
usual. But Magee went back on his
promises to Quay aud Passmore, and
nominated Livsey Of course this
must be true, because they tell it them
selves. Intelligent Democrats and inde-
pendent Republicans look upon the
story simply as blind to cover the
tracks of the machine
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

The Republicans are hoping to carry
Ohio at the October election. Well,
why should not they do this ? The
Democrats expect to carry Missouri at
the next election. 1t is no triumph for
either of the parties to carry these
States respectively. But the fact that
there is a doubt about Ohio, shows the
weakness of the Republicans In this
DOUBT is where the trouble lies.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

The Patriot of Wednesday publish
es extracts from u number of letters
received by Governor Pattison from
prominent men all over the state. They
commend his manly and Independent
course thus far during his administra-
tion.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

The Democratic State convention
meets at Harrisburg next Wednesday,
1t will nominate capable men as candi-
dates for Auditor General and State
Treasurer. who will be the candidates of
the whole party, and not the mere
creatures of any political boss. There
are no indications as to who may be
named.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

Some of the Republican organs are
deeply grieved over the expenses of
the extra session. The refusal to give
the people just representation and the
violation OF the Constitution are to
them matters of small concern compar-
ed with the expense to the Treasury.
But why should they complain Of the
expense, when it will all come out of
Pennsylvania's share of the surplus rev.
euups o. Record
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

The Republican candidate for State
Treasurer is variously mentioned by the
press of the State as Livesy, Lvisy,
Livesey, Lively, Livzey, with a dozen
other possible combinations to hear
from and the campaign not half over.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-07-27

Miss Mary Packer OF Mauch Chunk,
recently purchased the Belford prop.
erty on broadway for 100000, on the
lower end of which is soon to be erect
ed at her expense a fine Parish school
building attached to which is to be a
residence for the teachers in charge.