Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1883-01-26
Spoopendykes Coat.
His Preparations for Making New Year
Calls,

His Preparations for Making New Year
Calls.
'My DEAR said Mrs. Spoopendyke
backing away from her refreshmen
table and regarding the effect with he
head very much on one side; my dear
what are going to wear when you make
calls on Monday?'
Clothes, suppose returned Mr.
Spoopendyke, Looking up from his
paper why, has the fashion changed
recently about wearing clothes?' and
Mr.. Spoopendyke regarded his wifi,
with an anxious look of inquiry.
But you should wear your swallow
tail coat, by all MEANS continued
Mrs. Spoopendyke. 'All the gentle
men wesr sYollow- tail coats on New
Years Day now
Well, if You think you are going tt
strap me up in two-tined coat anC
start me around this town looking
like he head waiter of dollar-and a
half summer resort, you're just al
badly left as u one-armed man at s
church supper, may be dod gasted ass
enough to hop around to the various
old len roofs, wishing the contents .
ii happy New Year, but when you melt
me into a clothespin jacket it'll be
when reason no longer holds her seat
IN this dod gasted brainH with which
happy application Of trite quotation
Mr. Spoopendyks settled himself back
and contemplate d his wife with lofty
glance of superiority.
'Of course, if you don't want to- re
pliei Mrs. Sp opendyke. soothingly,
there won't be any very great obiec.
ton raised to your business suit. BE.
side, how that | think Of it, the moths
got into your dress coat, and don't
think it is fit to be seen,' and she pu
few finishing touches on her table.
and admired it from another stand.
point.
Let's ser it" demanded Mr.. Spoop.
endyke, springing from his chair ard
making for his closet, closely followed
by his wife. What's the matter with
1T? What's the moth got to do with
it: Who put moths in it?' and Mr..
Spoop, ndyke rummaged around and
fired his clothing in all directions in
his vain search for the particular gar
ment. Where is it. he bowled scat.
terlns his wardrobe broadcast Have
the meas!y moths eaten il all nm:
Didn't they leave buttonhole? Show
me my coat! Bling out the split in
the tail. If there's nothing else left,
give me one last fond glance at the
arm holes" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
kicked bis best trousers to the ceiling.
following them with vest. which he
supplemented with a pair of boots.
Show NE the Great North American
moth fodder. Fetch forth unparalleled
diet for the measly moth, Are we .
nation :" yelled Mr.. Spoopendy Ike, jam.
ming his thumb in the door and hop.
ping around the room with the injur.
ed aigit in his mouth bod CAST the
door.n he howled. bringing it a pro-
disious kick that bent his leg up un-
der him like a school girls.
Did you hurt yourself, dear p asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, wringing her hands
and dodg'ng the flying boots and
clothing.
Does it look as if I'd hurt the door
any: demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
jabbing his thumb in his armpit and
bending double with the pain. Does
that door give the impression of hav-
ing smashed its thumb anywhere
Why didn't the moths eat the door
Hoist EN- out and give 'em feed =
And Mr.. Spoopendyke caught the Of
Tending wicket by the knobs and tug
ged until he was out of breath.
Perhaps it isn't so bad after all,
murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, follow
ing him around the room in = fruit
less effort 10 catch up with him.
'Pr'aps it ain't.r roared Mr.. Spoop-
endy Ike, holding his thumb out at arms
length. 'Pr'aps you've got some scheme
for making it worse! Oh, 60 ahead
Don't mind me! Take the thumb
friend, and do your worst!' And Mr.
Spoopendy ke dropped into his chair
and groaned with wrath. Its a good
thing for titis family that can control
myself he howled. If | was like
most men the lot on which this house
stand would be good place to build!
With which solemn prophecy Mr.
Spoopendyke sprang to his feet, kicked
the chair into the obnoxious closet and
snorted aloud.
Il didn't mean your thumb, dear,
explained Mrs. Spoopendyke; Il was
talking about the coat. Nav be the
coat isn't liz such bad condition as
supposed it was at first
Think they left a pocket any where?'
inquired MIR. Spoorendyke, with d
grimace. half pain and half anger.
Or pr'aps you think that since the
moths eat the coat | can wear the
moths! Bring them out! Hold ZEN,
up while l climb into the sleeves
That's your idea? That's the notion
that has been bothering you SO long p
i don'' know but what you can wear
the coat, anyway! chirped Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, looking up cheerfully, and
opening the door of her closet. where
she had carefully hung the coat after
sponging it that very day. You Can
look at it, anyhow and she brought it
out looking as new and fresh as when
he bought it.
Then there's something you don't
know? he grumbled, cycling his re.
juvenated garment with a critical eye.
IF all you don't know could only be
dumped in together, what an idiot
asylum it would make for some Young
and growing territory. Taking you
all in all, you only want an air pump
and a glass side to be dod gasted
IL