The Portland daily press., 1883-03-01
[Peck,s SUM-

Ha! ha! Now have got you, SAID the
groceryman to the bad boy the other morn
ing, as he came in and jumped up on the
counter and tied the end of a bail of Irvine
to the tail of dog, and 'sicked' the dog on
another dog that was following passing
sleigh, causing the .wine to pay out Until
the whole bail was scattered along the
block Condemn you; I've a notion to
choke the liver out of you. Who tied that
Irvine to the dogs tail9''
The boy choked up with emotion, and the
tears came into his eyes, and he said be
didn't know anything about the Irvine or the
dog. He said he noticed the dog come in
and wag his tail round the Irvine, but be
supposed he was friend of the family, and
did not disturb him. Everybody lays every
thing that is done to me-" said the boy, as
he put his handkerchief to his nose, sand
they will be sorry for it when | die. l have
good notion to poison myself by eating
some of your glucose sugar "
''Yes, and you do about everything else
that is mean. The other day lady came in
aud told me to send up to her house some of
my country sausages, done up in muslin
bags, and while she was examining them she
noticed something hard inside the bags, and
asked me what it was, and | opened it. and
hope to die if there wasn't little brass
paddock and piece of red morocco dog col
lar imbedded in the sausage. Now, how do
you suppose they got in there?'' and the gro
ceryman looked savage
The boy looked interested, and put on an
expression as though in deep thought, and
finally said, 81 suppose the farmer that put
up the sausage did not strain the dog meat
Sausage meat ought to be strained
The groceryman pulled in about half
block OF Irvine, after the dog had run against
a fence and broke it, and told the boy he
knew perfectly well how the brass paddock
came to be in the sausage, but thinking it
was safer to have the gold will of the boy
than the i'll will he offered him handful of
prunes.
mo- says the boy, ~ have swore off on
musty prunes. l am no kindergarten any
more. For years l have eaten rotten peaches
about this store, and everything you couldn't
sell, but | have turned over new leaf now,
and after this nothing is too good for me.
Since pa has got to be an inventor we are 60
ing to live high
whats your pa invented? / saw a hearse
and three hacks go up your street the other
day, and thought maybe you had killed
your pa
''Not much. There will be more than
three hacks when l kill pa, and don't you
forget it. Well, sir, pa has struck fortune
if he can make the thing work. He has got
an idea about coal stoves that will bring him
in several million dollars, if he gets a royalty
of SIS on every coal stove in the world. His
idea is to have coal stove on casters with
the pipe made to telescope ont and in, and
rubber hose for one joint, soyou can pull the
stove all around the room and warm any
particular place. Well, sir to hear pa tell
about it, you would think it would revolu-
tionize the country, and maybe il will when
he gets it perfected, but he came near burn
ing the house up this morning and scared us
all half 10 dea b, and burned his shirt off,
and he is all covered with cotton with sweet
oil on, and he smells like salad dressing.
You see pa had pipe made and some cas-
tors put on our coal stove, and be tied a rope
to the hearth of the stove, ard had me put
in some kindling wood and coal last night.
so he could draw the stove up to the bed and
light the fire without getting up. Ma told
him he would put his finger in it, and be
told her to dry up and LET him run the stove
business He said it took man with brain
to run patent right and ma she pulled the
clothes over her head and lei pa do the fire
act. She has been building the fires for
twenty years and thought she would let pa
see how good it was. Well, pa pulled the
stove to the bed and touched off the kind
ling wood. l guess maybe / got bundle of
kindlng wood that the hired girl had put
Kerosene on, cause it blazed up awful and
smoked, and the blaze bursted out the doors
and windows of the stove, and pa yelled fire,
and | jumped out o. bed and rushed in and
he was the scartest man you ever see, and
you'd added to see how he kicked when
threw pail of water on his legs and put his
shirt out. Ma did not get burned, but she was
pretty wet, and she told pa she would pay the
So royalty on that stove and take the casters
of and let it remain stationary. Pa says he'll
make it work if he burns the house down.
thinkit was real mean in pa to get mad at me
bee use threw cold water on him instead of
warm water to put his shirt ont. If | had
waited till could heat water to the right
temperature would have been an orphan
and pa would have been a burnt Offering
But some men always kick at everything
Pa has given up business entirely, and says
he shall devote the remainder CT his life
curing himself of the different troubles that
! get him into. He has retained a doctor by
the year, and he buys llnlment by the gal I
lOn."
What was it about your folks getting up
In the night to eat?'' The hired girl was
over here after some soap the other morn
ing, and she said she was going to leave
your house."
"Well, that was a picnic. Pa said he
wanted breakfast earlier than we had been
in the habit of having it, and he said that /
might see to it that the house was awake
early enough. The other night / awoke
with the awfulest pain you ever heard of.
II was that night that YOU gave me and my
chum the bottle of picked oysters that bad
q hlUnn oil lA,,5% ell ax1l
l thought l would call the hired girls, and
they got up and got breakfast to going, and
then raped on pa and mas door and told
them The breakfast was getting cold, and
they got up and came down. We eat break
fast by gaslight, and pa yawned and said it
made man feel good to get up and eat
breakfast by daylight, the way he used to do
on the farm, and ma yawned and agreed
with pa, cause she has to, or have row.
After breakfast we sat around for an hour,
and pa said it was long time getting day
light, and bimeby pa looked at his watch
When he begun to pull out his watch lit
out and hid in the store-roOm. and pretty
soon heard pa and ma go back to bed, and
then the hired girls, they went to bed, and
when it was all still, and the pain had
stopped inside of my clothes, went to bed,
and looked to see what time it was and it
was O'Clock in the morning. We got din
ner at eight o'clock in the morning, and
pa said he guessed he would call up the
house after this, SO have lost another job,
and it was all on account of that bottle of
picked oysters you gave me. My chum said
he had collie, too. but he didn't call up his
folks. 1t was all he could do to call up his
self. Why don't you sometimes give away
something that is not spiled?"
The grocery man said he guessed he knew
what to give away, and the boy went and
hung up sign in front of the grocery, that
he had made on wrapping paper with red
chalk, which read, Rotten eggs, good
enough for custard pies, for eighteen cents
a dozen.''
A Stately Favorite Gone.