National Republican., 1883-04-09

Their mission would learn"
WOMEN kiss each other when they meet
and prize fighters shake hands, Courier Journal
THE attention of the country is called to
the name Of new town In Nevada. It 10 Take
Notice.
A POLISH novelist boasts Of having written
800 stories. No wonder freedom shrleked-Com-
nlerciui Advertiser
THE word dude" Is doubtless derived
from dough head" which, IL slurred and pro.
nounced quickly will speak for itself.--Commer-
cidt AdUattser
OLD Mr. Alcott is better, and tho intellect
ual picnic, known as the Concord School of Philos.
ophy Will be given as usual this summer. II is
perfectly harmless.
PENNsyLvANIA lady has an egg which
she claims Is LOG years old. She is saving IL for
oscar Wilde when he makes his first appearance
on the stage In this country. Commercial Advertiser
A PROMINENT physician announces the
startling intelligence that the "norral beat of n
healthy heart is iambic, and that when IL is tro
chaic, pyrrhic, or like spondee, there is some.
thing wrohg'
- No, SIR" ho said "clorgymeu are not the
stiff. necked, solemn tedious men that come peo.
pie mink them They're oiton jolly, good fellows.
why, first heard the monkey aud parrot story
from clergyman" n."--Boston Post.
IT frequently happens that what a man
saves In one way he loses In another. For in.
stance, Texas man jumped from a moving train
the other day to save q miles walk To his home.
He hit his head against tree and lost his brains.
The Philadelphia police are being instructed
In surgery, that they may know what TO do in an
emergency The gentleman who is always get.
ting his head cut open with beer glass win now
get something in return for his taxes Courier.
Journal.
IHE attention of the society for the Pre-
vention Of Cruelty to Animals is called to the fact
that Chinese novelist who flourished in the
early part OF the present century, wrote a story
entitled, "a Biography of Eight Dogs" in 100 vol.
umes, being an average of fifteen volumes to each
canine.
TRAVELLERS in Canada have not failed Of
noticing the number OF shop keepers, from chow.
chow builders to undertakers, that are purveyors
70 the royal family; but 1t remained for Dundas
barber to fling to the breeze a gayly bedizened
banner with the awful device, "The Queens Bar
ber Shop YonEerS Gdsette.
AS illustrating the artistic tendency in Gin
cinnati, 1t is stated that sexton fell through
Murillo's painting "St. Peter In Chains" in order
to test Its genuiness AS there Is now hole in
the canvas nine feet long, Cincinnati experts aps
brush.-ARdnta Constitution.
THE first $40 that Peter Cooper ever earned
he invested In lottery tickets and drew blanks.
We did the same thing, and drew blanked blanks.
Mr.. Cooper died at the age of 92 worth many MILL
ions Of dollars. We shall endeayor to initiate him
In these respects also; but we don't believe we
shall fool away as much on the poor.-Post. Er.
press.
WAYNEsvILLE (Ga.) paper declares that
there is q creek that place which is so highly
impregnated with lime that 1t will take the hair
of mules legs in passing through H. Since the
| publication of that statement the editor has re.
ceived all sorts Of advice as TO treating burns and
some suggested that the next time he wades
through that spring he should wear sheet. iron
| boots
| A KENTUCKY rural editor, whose paper Is
published on Wednesdays, makes this request in
n recent issue: Parties who contemplate getting
hurt, getting out of Jail, killing somebody run.
ming of with somebody's wife, or getting kicked
by mule, will please do so on Saturdays, Sum
days, and Mondays as that will give us time to
write 1t up in the fullest details while 1t is resh
and savory."
WHATEVER the wine merchants may as.
sert," writes Edward King, from Paris, "there is
no doubt that the adulteraton has become SO bold
and general that 1t is doing immense harm to the
working cassesi and that delicate gourmet and
refined critic, Aurelen School, says that his cook
recently bought bottle Of so called Chablis Su-
perleur, which turned out to be nothing but sui
phuric acid mixed with water"
SWITZERLAND, which harbors socialists and
nihilists and dsturbers of society Of the worst
kind. has raised objection to a Methodist congre-
cation at Berne, and has ordered the salvation
army, with its harmless enthusiasms, away from
Swiss territory. The salvationists going over tho
.l | frnntipr IN yron nod datE
made celebrated by Voltaire, and are conducting
tremendous revival meetings there.
A PAPER posted in Maine town Just be-
fore the annual town meeting read: "strait Green
Back caucus to the lost sheep of Israel, better
known as the greenback party are requested to
meet in the second advent church Of new Harbor
march the 10, 1885, at o'clock 7. NJ, for the pur.
poso of selecting town officers. All greenbackers
not defunct or stained with confusion are re.
quested TO meet in great force Comitte."
JIMMINYp exclaimed a youth at ball
the other evening. Il wonder how that woman
manages her terribly long train ?" An old gentle
man who was standing just behind him leaned
over and hoarsely whispered; "Young man, did
you ever see ostrich kick at anythingr" "Yes,
sir" replied the astonished chap. "well that's
the way the women manage their trains" hssed
the bald headed veteran as he withdrew TO the
sideboard.
The latest attraction In the church fund
raising line In San Francisco is a Slunch basket
social" Each lady is expected TO bring basket,
witha lunch sufficient for two, and deposits 1t,
with her name iuclosed, In the ante room. Atthe
time signifed the auctoneer will dispose of each
basket to the highest bidder The gentleman on
purchasing basket will be obliged to invite the
owner to assist him TO demolish the contents
There is a lot OF fun In this providing a man
doesn't secure the basket that belongs To his own
wife.
A YOUNG married couple went into rap
lures over couple OF superb cake baskets one
the gift OF the bridegrooms father and the other
the gift of the brides aunt They finally con.
cluded 1t would be safe to keep only one OF such
superb articles in the house, and accordingly they
took the other to a dealer in duplicate wedding
T gifts. Imagine their CONSERVATION when he told
them 1t was plated ware ana worth about 81 25
They keep 1t to put tacks In, but are awfullly
anxious TO see how the other one wears. The
worst oft is they don't know which is the auntS
basket
PETER COOPER was always a careful and
prudent business man. He was strongly opposed
, to the methods OF many merchants, who launched
out into extravRgaut enterprises on borrowed
I money for which they paid exorbitant rates oi
interest. Once while talking about project with