The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-07-08

more on the Whlrl.
Passing on our way number
of handsome palaces, which
our guide did not stop
to describe. and which would have
made but little difference if he had,
since have learned to my entire
dissatisfaction, that his statements
are only half the time reliable, our
conveyance next drew up at the en-
trance to the Palais Royal, where
luncheon was to be served and
where our guide perpetrated his
best jOke-heaven help the rest of
them by telling us that Messrs.
Cook s. Son had respectfully in
vited us to take lunch and then re-
spectfully invited US to pay for it.
This, however, was nothing new,
neither the joke nor the fact itself.
l will promise any tourist on the
continent of Europes, that what
ever he gets, by invitation or other
wise, he will pay for it. The fact is
he will never know when he's done
paying for it. The abominable Gus
tom of tipping" or giving extra
fees, is the most prolific SOURCE Of
annoyance which the tourist en-.
counters. 1t is bad enough in Eng
land, but it seems to expand and
intensity as one proceeds eastward.
They say that in Rome it is as much
worse than in Paris, as Paris is than
London, or London than New York.
But l doubt it. It could not get any
worse and live. / believe this sys-
tenn of beggary attains its highest
perfection in the French capital.
Any improvement on it after that
would be highway robbery. 1t may
be that in Italy it comes to this. We
have often read Of Italian brigands,
aud on the stage have admired
their striped legs and long moas-
raches. But, alas ! the charm has
fled. 1t seems they were only hotel
walters after all. As to guides
since | have already made mention
OF some of their ways and means,
and mean ways-whaC they are,
Mark Twain has already informed
us, and, as is usual with that emin-
ent humorist, has left nothing IN
said. Nevertheless, when all is
read and said, it requires personal
experience to enable one to realize
what the genus guide actually is. |
have said that their statements are
only half the time reliable. Judge
ye OF mine, when | tell you how [
know it to be true. During the first
half day We were out, | listened
with breathless interest, never once
looking at my guide-book (Which
contained brief note of every OBJ
ject visited), but keeping eyes and
ears wide open, with the former in
tently fixed upon Sir Oracle, lest l
should lose one iota of knowledge
or fail to calch one pearl of elo-
quence as it fell from the lips
of this Scion of wisdom, this Horace
of wit, this micrOcoscomic kaleido-
scope of all that is dazzling and
comprehensive in man. But soon,
too soon, was my idol shattered. In
an unguarded moment [ heard
Dim say that the composer
of q" La Marseillaise was
native of Paris, and the very next
day heard him tell another that he
was not. He also declared that a
certain monument was 200 feet
high, and when asked the second
time said it was $50. l listened
with rapt attention while he de-
tailed a thrilling description of an
event which happened during the
seige of Paris, only TO be told by
another guide, who was with US on
the following day, that no such
thing ever occurred. And when, to
cap the climax, this second guide,
on going through the Louvre and
Luxembourg, paused before SPLEEN
did painting Of the elder BrutuS, III
the act of c0ndemniug his sons to
death for coDspiring 10 re establish
the expelled Tarquins, and in
formed US that this was a picture of
tBrutus, Emperor Cd OF Rome,
ordering his sons to be executed for
plotting to restore the republic" CD
Il remembered TWain's satire, be-
thought me of our own storytelling
hack drivers (who gull eastern
tourists in Salt Lake SO unmerei-
fully, both TO themselves, their
hearers and the slandered "Mor-
mons" in generaD and became some
what chary of accepting as facts all
that these imperiOus ignoramuses
or to put it more softly, these unin-
formed infOrmants had to stuff me
with. The fact is, they will say in
response to the questions asked
them-which by the by, they take
particular care to discourage-the
first thing that comes into their
minds, whether they know anything
about it or not, anu deeming all for
eigners fools-as some assuredly
are-who have never read French
history or anything ese-as is Ger
tainly the case with many and are
therefore incapable of detecting
their blunderS and exagerations,
they launch out fearlessly into the
ocean OF extravaganza invention,
bent ouly upon keeping up the in
terest of their open-mouthed audi
tors and avoiding any imputarion
OF ignorance or incaDacity for office.
Like James, the .-EuppeI," in SEX
tIemes," they "neYer confesses total
ignorance on many subject" and
therefore, with all others who act
uOOtt tbs ScDoa ,arrO6nOus DTiupi Mo