The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-24

| Mr.. John Doe, the well-known Brooklynite,
was recently aroused from his matutinal slum-
| bers by tremendous double knock at his base
ment door. Mr.. Doe heard the servant answer
| the summons, and a moment afterwards was in
| formed that he wanted.
Rather early for visitors" thought Mr.. Doe
aS vague visions of subpRnas, gas bills burst
| ing of water pipes, etc. fioated through his
brain; but he went into the hall, where he was
addressed by an exceedingly mellifluous stran-
ger.
Are you the gentleman of the house, sir ?"
asked the stranger.
Eyes, am," said Mr.. Doe, fully convinced
that it must be at least a peremptory sum-
mons to serve M the grand jury. "what do
you want p
~ have here, sir" said the melifluous stran-
ger, diving into 4 hitherto concealed leathern
bag, "a remarkably fine article of toilet soap
1t does not scratch the hands, and is warranted
to
"Why, You - impudent scoundrelr gasped
the incensed householder; "Ill break every
bOhe in your Internal"
But the soap fiend was gone before the threat
was concluded.
At breakfast, meek woman with a large bas-
ket rang the bell: three dirty orphans hattened
their noses against the window panes; more
Italians came, with an eye to the ash barrel;
hands full of lemons and measures of apples
were displayed before his eyes with many loud,
encomiastic remarks concerning them on the
part Of their proprietOrS; the itinerant fish man
made morning hideOus with his solicitations
and seven able bodied men (four of them with
black eyes, wanted "a few pennies, TO get sum
thin feat
Mr.. Doe was moody for time. but suddenly
he jumped up under the inspiration of an idea.
'By George. I'll do it - he said.
1t took three days to perfect this worthy gem
tlemans plan; but every step of il he watched
with a chuckfing glce. He had seen, in certain
bari rooms of the city, how unsuspectnc per-
sons, in weighing themselves or in CRYING
their strength" had been suddenly disabled by
the mere touching of an electric knob by the
| bar keeper. III have a battery attached TO
the knockers and the bell, said Mr. Doe ; and
he had.
George Stephenson did not watch with such
an agony of impatience the first revolution of
his engine under steam Roadway this worthy
Brooklyn householder displayed on the first
morning he pnt his battery into operation. As
fate would have it, the early Italian passed by
indiferently; seven and eight o'clock came, and
still Mr.. Doe stood sentry at the window. shield
ell by the blind, waiting for q victim. But Just
as breakfast was announced. down the area
steps came the canvasscr for 40 parts of illus
tratei TmbnctoO." His hand was on the
knOeker: Doe pressed the little white knob
Perhaps no mortal canvasser ever presented
such hideOus spectacle since publishers took
to issuing works of art in monthly parts. He
writhed, twisted, doubled up in knots unray-
eled himself, and knOtted himself three deep
over again. lnfuriated by the memory of all
ish energy, until the hapless canvasser pre-
sented, in rapid succession, spectaces of the
most Grotesque fnrmes of human agony. 1t is
one Of the benteent effects of this electric
treatment that its victim can not speak while
1t lasts. All power of expression. except by
pautomime, was taken from the rash canvasser
and Yet he could not let go of the knocker
1t was the same with the ugh-lozcnge man,
with the impudent rascal who came to collect
the gas hill, and eveu-{though to this instant
tn wifi hat ,
take)-with his own mother-in- law, to which
excellent lady he administered such a terrible
shock that she had to be taken home in an am
bulance, utterly ignorant of what had hurt her.
To Does credit. hc it said, he spared the three
dirty orphans.
But this sort of thing, instead OF Kidding the
Doe mansion of tranIps or beggars. actually
quadrupled their number. The worthy house
holder had forgotten that there lisa good deal
of human nature even in peddler, but this be-
came clear, pretty soon. Every tramp who had
taken an eleemoSynary shock at Does door
thought il an excellent revenge to fool some
other tramp "oh, there's bully place at No.
:" he would say. go ter the basement door
an knock three times. Veal stew an ten cents
ter git cup o coffee! Hope may dicr And
then the wicked initiate would go over the way
from Does honse, where there is vacant wall
and watch the gyrations of this apprentice to
an order of which he himself was free and ac-
cepted MASTER. BY and by, the dead wall came
to he lined with trampS while Doe was kept
busy putting through fresh applicants for men,
bershiP. Further, some of the knowing ones
would approach the door and announce their
visit by kick-lefting the knocker severely
alone, while Doe would he expanding his ener-
~ and his electricity in vain hopes of para
living his visitors. Ultimately, the neiehbors
took the matter mp, in consequence of the ser
want girl innocently giving the Methodist par
son shock when Doe was ont-a shock so
thoroughly unexpected to the good old gentle
man that II came near causing a vacancy in the
pulpit down street.
And 81 Doe had to give up his electric appa-
rainS, while pe,ldleTs and trampS now crowd
mrnn him Thinker than ever