Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1883-09-20
BEATING the LawYEss.


The late Alexander II. Stephens used
70 relate with great eustO the following
story, In which be and Robert Toombs
figured.
A doctor named Royston had sued Pc
ter Bennett for his bill, long overdue,
for attending the wife Of the latter.
Alexander III. Stephens was on the Ben
nett side, aud Robert Tooms,s, then IN
the United States Senate. was for the
doctor. The doctor proved the number
of his visits, their value according 10
local custom, and his own authority ~
do medical practise. Mr.. stephens told
his client that tue doctor had made ont
his case, and there was nothing where
with 70 rebut or offset the claim. and the
only thing left % do WAS 70 pay 1t.
"No,- said Peter. II hired you TO
speak In my case. and now speak
Mr.. Stephens told him there was no.
thing 70 say; he had looked on 10 see
that a case was made out. and II was.
Peter was obstinate, and at last Mr..
Stspbens told Peter TO make a speech
himself, IL he thought that one could
III will, !" said Peter, III Bobby Toombs
won't DO too hard on me-"
Senator Toombs promised he would
not, and Peter began:
aGentIemen of the jury, you and 10
plain farmers, and il We don't stick to-
pether these ere lawyers and doctors
will oct the advantage Of us. amt no
LAWYER or doctor, and / amt no objec-
jections 10 tksm in their proper place,
but thsy amt farmers, gentlemen Of the
iurv. Now. this man koyston WAS no
doctor. and went for hin TO CONS and
doctor my wife's sore leg, and he come
and out some salvo truck onto IT. and
some rags, bat never done 1t a bit OF
GOOD. GentIemsn Of the jury, don't
believe he is a do5tor, anyway. There
are doctors as is doctors, sure enough,
bat this man don't earn bis money. and
IL Won send for him, as Mrs. Sarah At
krnson did for negro boy As Is worth
1900, he iost kills him and waits you
TO pay for it"
II dori'tr' Numbered the doctor.
"Did Won cure nimr asked Peter,
In the slow accents of judge with the
black cap On.
The doctor was silent, and Peter pro-
oeeded:
AS | was saying, gentlemen OF tae
iury, We farmers, when We sell our cot
ton. has got TO give vsiiy for the money
We ask, and doctors amt none too good
70 be put to the same rule. And don't
believe this ERE Sam Royston Is doc
tor, nohov." :
"Look at my diploma, if you think !
am no doctorm
His diploma exclaimed the orator,
with great contempt. His diploma.
Gentlemen, that Is a big word for
printed sheepskin, and 1t don't make
no doctor of the sheep as first wore 1t,
nor does il of the man AS now CARR . 1t.
A coed newspaper has more in 1t, and
/ pint ont to ye that he amt no doc
tor at all"
The doctor was now in fury, and
screamed out:
Ask my patients II am not a doc
tori
81 asked my wife," retorted Peter.
"Sse said she thought he was not"
ASK my other patients" said the
doctor.
This seemed to be the straw that
broke the camel's back; for Peter re-
piled, with look and tone Of unuttera-
BILE sadness:
"rhst ia hard saying, gentlemen OF
the jury, and one that requires me to
die, or to have powers az | have hearn
tell ceased TO DO exercised since the
apostles. Does he expect mo to bring
the angel Gabriel down 70 toot his horn
before his time and cH aloud: Awake,
ye dead, and tell this court and jury
your opinion of Sam Royston's prac-
ticsY' Am 10 go to the lonely church
yard and rap on the silent tomb and say
TO 'um as IL at last Mt rest from physic
and doctors bills: Git up here. you,
and state IL you died natural death
or was hurried up by some Of the doc
torsr' He says, ask his patients, and,
gentlemen of the jury, they are all dead
Where Is Mrs. Beasly's man. Sam? Go
ask the worms in the graveyard, where
he lies. Mrs.. Peaks woman, Sarah, was
attended by him, and hsr funeral was
appointed, and he Che DOCTOR had the
corpse ready. Where is the likely Bill,
az belonged 10 Mr.. MitchelI2 Now in
glory, expressing his opinion of Roys-
tons doctoring. Where is that baby
gal OF Harry Stephens? She is where
doctors cease to trouble and the infai.ta
are at rest. Gentlemen, he has eaten
chickens enough at my house ~ pay for
his saive. found the rags. and dom,
suppose he charges for making her worse
and even he don't pretend TO charge for
c1ring her, and | sm humbly thankful
he never gave her nothing for ner in.
nards, rs he did his other patients
for something made 'um all die mighty
sudden"
The applause was great. The doctor
lost and Peter won.