National Republican., 1883-10-18

say so to your face"
"Humph yes, you've done me proud; know
You're on improvements bent;
And seeing that you've fixed things up,
1--WE come to raise the rent"
BEWARE of little expenses. A small leak
will sink great ship.
A TREE recently cut in Clark county, KY,
made 800 fiat rails, thirty fence posts, and four
cords of wood
A CANDIDATE for judicial position in Ne
braska is familiarly known to the people as the
"Texas Steer"
THREE newspaper editors have been chosen
as judges of apple brandy by the Pulaski Agricul-
tural fair, of Virginia
Four years ago an indianapolis man lost a
dog, and lie is still running three-lne advertise
ment Offering 81 reward.
AMONG the relics destroyed at the burning
of the Plusburgexposition building was the sword
of Gen. Anthony Wayne
JAY GOULD denies that he proposes to es-
tablish new watering place. He will do his
watering at the old stand.
RUSSIAN proverb says: "Before going to
war; pray once; before going to sea- pray twice;
before getting married, pray three times"
Four boys at Jackson, Mich, organized q
Jesse James gang and made the town howl
They have just been sent to the reform school,
BUSINESS men in Keyport N. j., last week
refused to rent place to three well dressed
Chinamen who wanted to start laundry there.
A FOOL from st. Louis arrived at Salt Lake
City n few days ago, having pushed hand car
the entire distance. His destination is San Fran
cisco.
THE library Of Gen. Sam Houston, num-
bering some i75 volumes, has peen presented
to the Houston Normal institute, at Huntsville,
Texas.
THE following advertisement appeared the
other morning in the columns of daily contem.
porary; Wanted nurse for an infant aged
about 3d."
The Wisconsin saloonkeepers in state con-
veniun assembled resolved that drunkenness is
not due to the saloons, but TO the lack of educa-
ton in youth
"MA, has aunty got bees in her mouth"
NO. why do you ask ?" "'Cause Capt Jones
caught hold of her, aud said he was going to take
honey from her lips; and she said, well, make
haste"
ARE you near-sighted, miss % said an i'm
pertinent fellow to young lady who did not choose
| to recognize him. "Yes" she retorted; "at this
distance can hardly tell whether you are an ape
| or puppy"
| WHEN the girl who has encouraged
| young man for about two years suddenly turns
around and tells him that she can never be more
than sister to him, he Tor the first time see
the freckles on her nose.
J. PROCTOR KNOTT of Kentucky, is said
to be preparing in conjunction with Mr.. spoiTord,
the librarian of congress, work of several vol
umes on wit and humor. Two of these are re-
ported as nearly ready for publication
"SPEAKING of shaving" said pretty girl
| n III Qhlurata old haphplOr shnuld thnk at
a pair of handsome eyes would be the best mirror
| to shave by" "Yes, many poor fellow has been
shaved by them" the wretch replied.
The Orientals are very trusting to each
other Are you not afraid TO go away from your
shop without locking it?" asked traveller OF an
Egyptian. "oh, no. answered the man coolly.
there is not a Christ ian within three miles"
LAST year Engla and consumed, in addition
TO the eggs marketed by her own farmers and,
poultry keepers, including the enormous supply
| from Ireland no fewer than 6757,284 "great hun
dreds" of foreign eggs, these imported eggs alone
amounting to the almost incredible number of
8l0,sGs0s0 or ., ,25O, 900 eggs per day
IN speaking of learned sergeant, who
gave a confused, elaborated, and tedious explaua-
ton of some point oflaw, a celebrated legal wit
| observed that whenever that grave counselor en-.
deavored to unfold principle of law he put him
in mind of simpleton whom he once saw strug-
Cling TO open an oyster with rolling pin.
JOHN DU BoIs, of Du Bois, Clearfeld
county, Pa, is said to be worth Sl4000,000. Six
hundred men are employed in his lumber mills,
1000 get the timber from the woods, and 600 are
mining coal for him. He offers to erect court
house and public buildings If new county is
made of parts of Clearleld, Elk, and Jefferson
counties, and called Du Bois.
A MORMON settlement in Idaho is fivo miles
long, extending from Clifton to Oxford. 1t is
called Stringtown, and the homesteads are SO
taken up that the residences of the homesteaderl
arewthin 300 feet of each other, and the farms
mere strips of land from $50 to 800 feet In width.
This land was taken up in this manner to give
every settler frontage ON the public road.
THE Deutsches theatre, which, like tho
Theatre Francois, is intended to form high acad
emy of dramatic art, was opened in Berlin on
Sept 80 with great success. If the representations
on its boards continue excellent as that on the
first night there is fear of the institution being
a failure. The acting was better than has yet
been seen OH the German stage. The piece pro-
duced was the d" Kabale and Liebe " of Schiller.
Two sparks from London, while enjoying
themselves among the heather in Argyleshire last
autumn came upon decent looking shepherd,
reading on the top of a hill, They accosted him
by remarking; "You have fine view here; you
will see agreat way" "Ou,aye, ou aye ferry great
than that" said Donald, "Ah, how's that?" "ou
Just wait till the mist gang ava, an you'll see the
mune."
A MONUMENT to Sir Francis Drake was on
Sept. unveiled at Tavistock, Devon, near to
which place he was born. The monument was
presented by the Duke Of Bedford, who owns all
Tayistock and great deal around, the estate hav-
ing formerly been abbey land gwen to his
cestor The Drake family has long been extinct
In the male line, but is represented in the female
line, which holds the hereditary estates and heir
looms.
A SIMPLE and useful bolt has been invented
by Mr., Arnolt, of the Lyceum theater (London),
having tor It's object the fastening Of doors Of
theaters and other public buildings, so that they
can be opeued by mere pressure against the door
from the inside, and not at all from the outside,
dispensing with all other fastenings, which cause
; so many accidents in cases of panic, One advans
tage is, that being once unfastened it cannot be
rebolted by accident
KARL |, king of Siam, is a most extra.
ordinary looking man, or rather boy, for he is but
20 years ofage The most remarkable fact con-
corning him is the inordin0to length of his nails,
, each OF which measures about half yard. This
deformlty is considered by the Siamese as an at
tribute of sovereignty and, of course, reduces the