Daily Republican., 1883-11-23
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

MlKIH AND MEKRlMEN i
The importance of thinking before
you speak recently received an amusing
illustration at a meeting held In we'll
known Yorkshire town not hundred
miles from the banks of the Humber.
One Of the persons who occupied the
stage was an enthusiastic deacon, who
frequently interrupted the speakers by
yelling, Thank goodness for that"
One gentleman was called upon who
arose and said, Ladies and < ntlemen,
am heart and soul in this cause, and
fee that it will be great benefit to the
people of this place" Thank good
ness for that" yelled the deacon. But,
ladies' and gentlemen" he continued,
" am going to say that it will be i'm
possible for me- to address you this even
ing" "TAank goodness for that"
broke in the absent minded deacon,
amidst general laughter.
A bashful young man went three
times to ask beautiful young lady if
he might be the partner Of her joys and
sorrOws and other household furniture !;
but each time his heart failed him, and
he took the question away unopened.
She saw the anguish Of his soul, and
had compassion on him. So, the next
time he came, she asked him if he had
thought to bring a screw-driver with
him. He blnshed, and wanted to know
what for. And she, in the fullncss of
her heart, said she did not know but
that he would want to screw up his
courage before he left. He took the
hint and the girl.
A prominent Austin lawyer, in going
to his place Of business, overlook a
neighbor who il a celebrated doctcr.
After walking some distance together
the lawyer said: 81 don't think We
two ought to be seen together Why
not?" We'll, you see, we being to-
gether will remind the people of that
robber who was arrested" "Why,
how so 2" When the people see Il
lawyer and doctor together it looks
ike demand, Your money or your
life %
A resident on Woodward avenue who
had advertised for man To take care of
horses, had an application from a color
ed nan Who seemed fitted for the posi-
lion, and II bargain was made. AS the
new emrloye was hacking out Of the
office he gentleman said " On, by the
way, what name shall call you by?
Well, sab, my letters am ginerally
directed to de Hon. Boswell Green, but
I'ze perfectly wiIiin' you should call
me Mr.. Green when you has occashun
to dress me-
The Gear children are going to school
again. A teacher, desiring 10 classify
the pupils, put questions to them To
find out how much they knew. During
the examination Of the son ofa leading
Austin politician he following dialogue
occurred: lyon say there are three king
doms, the animal, the vegetable, and
mineral" d" Yes, sir. " Now, where
would you put sugar " IA puts it in
the water, and then he puts the whisky
in afttrward, and stirs 'em up with "A
spoon"
Il wish was star" he said, smil-
ing at his own poetic fancy. ~ would
rl her you were comet" she said,
dreamily. His heart beat unanimously
And Why" he said trndrrly, at the
same thing taking her unresisting little
hand in lis own. And why 2" he
rep atcd, inperions!y. "Oh," she said,
with brooGing tarues'ness that fell
freeZingly upon his soul, "because then
you would come round only once every
fifteen hundred years -
Poor Hubert, how | wish you did
not have to slave TO from morning till
night p murmurcd his wife, ~ with IL
fond cares, she seated herself on her
husbands knre, ard gently stroked the
auburn locks from his lofty brow
And the grave Stern man Ot business
understood her AT once and answered :
Well, Susie, what is it, Il bonnet or
what ? Don't be too hard on me, TOR
money is scarcer than ever.
| A gentleman of this city received the
following telegram n few days ago
Inform ,Johi his 81 c'Is are down, and
not to tell. This was puzzling, but
the reflection thar tire new operators
were not above making mistakes con,
soled the receiver Of tins remarkable
III essage until he disCoycd that il meant
Johns stocks were doan and he was
not to sell
A scientist has decided, in regard to
the Java earthquake and tidal-wave,
that barometiio pressure, in connec-
ton with ligneous terrestrial eruptions,
was caused by gaseous ontbuists pro-
duced exclusively by variations Of at.
mospheric pressure. The survivors OF
the calamity viii be glad TO know how
it all happened.
A young girl was caught kissing her
sweetheart Il few nights ago. Her moth
er took her TO task tor such actions, but
the girl siicnced ner by thia quotation :
"Whaisover you would tnat men should
do unto YOU, o you"veu SO unto them. -
The old lady waited. Mr,uo,ies Of Old
were brought forcihiy to mind.
This isa boys composition on girls !;
Girls are til" only folks that has THEW
own way. Girl, is OF several tilonSai, d
kinds, and sometimes one girl can b"
like several thousand girls it She want"
to do anything. This is all l kno"
about girls, and my father saws the less
| know about them tue better.
can things come to him who waits, =
sadly remarked tramp, aS he dodeeo
n brickbat and shutiled over the fence
just IN time to escape the eager Jaws OF
"a blear.eyed bulldog.
A busy doctor sent In certificate OF
death, and accidentally signed his name
~