The Brookhaven leader., 1883-03-08
The Majors Artificial Leg.

Major Tocn. OF Bangor, Me-. lost his
right leg at tns battle OF Fredericksburg,
and some time ago he purchased an ar.
tihcial leg from man in Washington.
1t contained a system OF springs which
enabled the Major to use it in such q
natural manner that when he was walk
ing along the street nobody would for a
moment suppose that he had not both
of his own legs.
One Sunday, while the Major was on
his way to church, he slipped up on the
ice and gave the store leg a severe
wrench. He must have dislocated some
OF the springs; for, after reaching the
church and taking his seat. and while
the clergyman was reading the Script
ures. the leg suddenly few up and rest
ell on the back of the seat in front OF
him. The congregation looked at him
in amazement, nd he grew very red in
the face. As 500 as he took il down
it jumped up again and wiggled about
on the back of the pew. nally kicking
Mrs. Thompson bonnet 10 rags Then
the Major suppressed il again. and held
1t down. but IL instantly began O con-
vulslve movement ia his own .ew, dur
,ng VIII ch it upset the stools. plunged
lrOund among the HYMN hooks and
hats, and hammered the board beneath
the seat until the min;7ter had to STOP
The sexton came rushing in TO find out
what was the matter, and the Major
a ter explaining the difficulty in a whis
Der. asked the seXt to let him lear
IN him while he charge on the iron
toor. As soon rs the Major got into
he aisle that DIS ocatei leg kicked the
sexton sixteen or seven cen tines in
most insolent manner, var ing the ex-
.rc scs by ma ing eccentric swoops
o one side. during which it kic
,'ght of the high hats at the pew door
nto black six chaos.
b. the time the Major reacned the
estibule the leg had become peri ell,
eckle's. Ii ew up before ana il ev
p behind. 1t butted against the gooa
eg. and darted out sdewise and de
cribed circles. and tried o insert il
oes in the Ma or coat-tal LOG sets
nd 10 wha h m on tn. nose. When |
re sexton cam with the hack and pu
he ia or in it the lcr banged through |
he window glass, and wlan the drive
rpt down 10 see about it the leg brand |
'hOp itHtih III MS 'Fttt anu Z ntiuuft |
Z ,ercise BY planting a terr be blow |
u MS stomach. hen tho Major told
he driver that he would give him ten
ol ars to take the leg OF. and the |
river accepted he offer. For severa |
minutes Il eluded all b s efforts to catch |
as it danced about, but finally he got |
hold of it and hung on while the Major |
tried to unbuckle the STRAPS Then it |
came Off and rolled the driver in the |
mud. He got up TO watch it, II |
writhtd and kicked and jumped and
throb5ed and hoped; and whenever it
would make a dash to one side or the |
)ther he crowd would scatter in order
10 give it u.l play Finally Fen Wool
es set his dog on it. and a most excit-
ng contest ensued, the leg two or three
lines running with the dog; and it
seemed likely lhat the dog would get
whipped. Mr.. WOoller got u crow-b bar
md aimed blow at the leg with the
intent to smash it. But he missed it
md nearly lied he dog. As soon as
he dog retired, Mr.. sNOolley whacked
{ aga n and burst it into flinders, and
hen there was peace. L Ma or
lrove home and got his crutches. and
'inc e then he has confined himself to
he use of wooden leg without
prings. Chicago Heyn!d.