The Republican journal., 1883-01-11
Initiated IN Masonry.
THE BAD BOY GIVES HIS FATHER THE ROYAL
BUMPER DEGREE.

| X y
| bag on the shelf and took out a long stick
of cinnamon bark to chew.
| "Why, yes, of course | am; but what
set you to thinking Of that? ?" asked the
| groceryman, as he went to the desk and
charged the boys father with half a
pound of cinnamon.
"Well, do the goats bunt when you
nishiate fresh candidate p
"No, of course not. The goats are cheap
ones, that have no life, and we muZzc
them, and put pillows over their heads,
so they can't hurt anybody says the
| groceryman, as he winked at a brother
| Odd Fellow who was seated Oh a sugar
| barrel, looking mysterious. "But why do
you ask 2"
go, nuthin, only | wish me and my
chum had muzzled our goat with a pill
low. Pa would have enjoyed his becom-
ing a member of our lodge better You
see, pa had been telling us how much
good the Masons and odd Fellers did and
said we ought to try and grow up good so
we could iiDe the lodges when we got big
and | asked pa if it would do any hurt
for us to have a play lodge in my room and
purtend to nishiate, and pa said it
wouldn't do any hurt. He said it would
improve our minds and learn US to be
men. SO my chum and me borried goat
that lives in livery stable and carried
him up to my room when pa and ma was
out riding, but the goat blatted so we had
to tie handkerchief around his nose, and
| his feet made such noise on the floor
that we put some babys socks on his
feet. Well, sir, my chum and me practic-
ed with that goat until he could bunt d
| picture OF goat every time. We borried
a buck beer sign from a saloon man and
hung it on the back of a chair, and the
goat would hit it every time. That night
pa wanted to know what we were doing
up in ny room, and | told him we We're
playing lodge, and improving our minds,
and pa said that was right, there was
nothing that did boys Of our age half 50
much good as TO initiate men, and store
| by youthful knowledge. Then my chum
asked pa if he didn't want to come up
and take the grand bumper degree, and
| pa laughed and said he didn't care if he
did, just to encourage us boys in innocent
pastime that was So improving to our in
tellect. We had shut the goat up in a
closet in my room, and he had got over
his batting, so we took off the handker-
chief, and he was eating some Of my
paper collars and skate straps.
eve went up stairs and told pa to come
up pretty soon and give three distinct
raps, and when we asked him who comes
there he must say "a pilgrim who wants
to join your ancient order and ride the
goat Ma wanted to come up, too, but
we told her If she come in it would break
up the lodge, cause a woman couldn't
keep a secret, and we didn't have any
side saddle for The goat. Say, eff YOU
never tired it, the next time YOU initiate
man in your Mason's lodge, YOU sprinkle
a little kyan pepper on the goats beard
just before you turn him loose. You can
get three times as much fun to the square
| inch of goat. You wouldn't think it was
the same goat. Wen, we got all fixed and
| pa raped and we let him in and told
him he must be blindtolded, and he got
on his knees a latfing, and tied towel
around bis eyes and then | turned him
around and made him get down on bis
hands also, and then his back was right
toward the closet door, and | put the
buck beer sign right against pas clothes.
He was latfing all the time, and said
EN-, and we told him it was a solemn oc-
casion, that we wouldn't permit no leyity
and if he didn't stop latting We couldn't
give him the grand bumper degree. Then
| everything was ready, and my chum had
| his hand on the closet door, and some
kyan pepper in his other hand, and I
asked pa in low bass tones if he felt as
| though he wanted to turu back, or if he
had nerve enough 10 go ahead and take
| the degree. | warned him that it was full
of dangers as the goat was loaded fer
| beer and told him he yet had time to
retrace his steps if be wanted to- He
said he wanted the whole business. and
We could 20 ahead with the menagarie.
Then | said to pa that if he decided 10 go
ahead and not blame rs for he cOnSe-
quences, to repeat after me the following:
bring forth the Royal Bumper, and let
him bump ~ Pa repeated the words, ard
my chum sprinkled the kyan pepper on
the goats mOuStache, and he sneeZed
| once and looked sassy, and Their he saw
the lager beer goat rearing up, ana he
started for it just like a COW catcher and
blatted. Pa is real fat, but he knew be
had got hit, and he grunted and said
and then the goat gave him another de-
gree, and he pulled off the towel and cot
up and started for the stars, and so did
the goat, and ma was at the bottom of
the stairs listening, and when | looked
over the banlSterS pa and ma and the
goat were all in a heap, and pa was yell
ing murder, and ma was screaming fire
and the goat was batting, and sneeZing,
and bunting, and the hired girl came in
to the hall and the goat took after her,
and she crossed herself Just as the goat
struck her and said: "Howlv mother,
protect me'' and went down stairs the
way we boys slide down hill, with both
hands on herself, and the goat rared up
and blatted, and pa and ma went into
their room and shut the door. and then
my chum ard me opened the from. door
and drove the goat out. The minister,
Who comes to see ma three times a week.
was just ringing the bell, and the goat
thought he wanted to be Insulated. too,
and gave him one for luck, and then went
down the sidewalk batting and sneez-
ing, and the minister came III the parlor
and said he was stabbed, and then pa
came out of his room with his suspenders
No'h, tiIi, 90 liz ulull l hlOh
the minister was there, he said Gus words
and ma cried and told pa he would 90 to
hell sure, and pa said he didn't care, he
would kill that kussid goat afore be went,
and | told pa the minister was in the
parlor, and he and ma went down and
said the weather was propitous for re-
vival, and it seemed as though an out
pouring of the spirit was about to be
vouchsated to his people land none of them
sot down but ma, cause the goat didn't
hit her, and while they was talkin' religion
with their mouths, and kussin the goat
inwardly, my chum and me adjourned the
lodge, and | went and stayed with him
all night, and | hain't been home since:
but don't believe pa will lick me, cause
he said he would not hold us responsible
for the consequence. He ordered the goat
himself, nd we filled the order, don't
you see -? Well, | guess will 90 and
sneak in the back way and find out from
the hired girl how the land lays. She
wont go back on me, cause the goat was
not loaded for hired Uiric Sha i,,ct hon