The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-10-12
ODD ITEMS.
A tongue-tiod man should beware
a. ~ a., n -, ...or;oI l,ot

DuobiC Ohcit 10 aoouO
The youthful "rake" is not as usefu.
as the fine tooth comb.
1t takes only grape skin to make
the dude lose his balance,
The weather reports appear to have
lost their grips on the frost.
In New York city 100000 children
earn their own living There's a
good many more who don't, and never
will.
Some men are so lucky that they
couldn't fall overheard without being
pulled up with their pockets full up
fish.
The man who runs for office also
runs the risk of a divorce from his wife.
No man knows how wicked he is until
his political enemies write his life N
Y. Journal.
The difference between a besotted
man and pig is slight one at best.
Ones hunting grog, and the others
grunting hog.
Joe jefferson is said to believe in
spirits. 1t will be remembered that Rip
Van Wrinkle also had a weakness in
that direction.
In Shelbyville, Ky, there is a wild
ow who has buried four husbands, and
now seems anxious to prepare another
for the silent tomb.
A Mauch Chunk maiden claims she
is small eater, yet manages to dispose
of FIVE soft boiled eggs, three slices of
ham, six pieces of toast seven rolls, a
few potatoes and four cups of coffee.
President Arthur drinks three kinds
of wine at dinner, and asks no blessing
Mrs. Hayes husband omitted the ex-
pense of the wine and asked a bless
ing.
"Was man descended from a bear ?"
asks the Detroit Free Press. Not in
all cases. Why, Nevada citizen the
other day went to the other extreme
when bear came along, and the citi.
zen took to tree.
"Young lady The word "call' 10
poker has different significance from
what it does in society. In poker, if
your opponent "calls, you have got to
''see' him, without any excuse of sick
| ness or "not at home"
1t is when woman tries to whistle
that the great glory of her mouth is
seen without being very much heard.
"My wife's sister, out in Injanna, is
| dead, aud she's wearing mournin', and
she thought it'd be more appropriate
like to use black tea for a while now"
There is an old Hebrew proverb
which runs: Make hatse when you
are purchasing a field, but when you
are to marry wife, be slow.
| There are two things which ought
never to excite mans anger-First,
those which he can help, and, second,
those which he cannot help.
"Go in swimming y exclaimed little
| johuy Burlap. ''Not much. The last
time | went in father gave me wood
shed bath after l got home"
| America is called the land of the
free because it is the only country in
the world where divorce can be pro-
cured in two hours for ten dollar
bill.
| There cannot live more unhappy
creature than an ill-natured old man,
who is neither capable of receiving
pleasures, nor sensible of doing them to
others.
Il meant to have told you of that
hole y said gentleman to his friend,
who, walking in his garden, stumbled
into pit of water. mo matter" said
the friend, 81 have found it"
"Show me the way to ahigher plane,
|, says Ella Wheeler, the western poetess
Certainly, Ella just step up into th'
elevator and tell the conductor to lie,
you out at the top floor. Plenty of room
, up there.
: mamma, what's a book-worm I?
"One who loves to read and study an,
collect books, my dear" The next nigh
{ company called. Miss Edith, who wear
rings innumerable, was present. "Of
} mamma, look at Miss Edith's rings.
r guess she's ring worm, amt she ?"
Among the unspeakable mysterie
that even the day of resurrection will
fail to unravel is the reason box o
clearinghouse matches never last
more than one day
VI "What influence has the moonIon tn
d tide 7" the teacher asked John Henry
d And John Henry said at depended o
If what was tied if it was dog it mad
Ie him howl
- Mamma said Henry, "what's tn
, difference between goose and geese /
Il "Why, don't you know SAID fou
= - year old Annie zone geese is COOS,
, and a whole of gooses is geese.
, 81 don't see how you city folks Ii,
with no exercise at all" remarked
. countryman to his new boarder IN
1. exercise !" exclaimed the man, "guei
you never saw fellow chasinga sire
car
Six lovely school ma'ams were OF
rowing in Lake George recently.
nj bold, wicked man on shore, who was
bad boy few years ago, instead
no taking off his hat as the boats went
y d simply remarked Behold the whalil
u fleet =
ch A rich sensation has Just been spoil
,e- in st. Louis, A wealthy young lady
en- the city had fully made up her mind
h. run away with and marry her fathe
eel coachman, when at the last moment s
of discovered that the coachman would
nd have her,
Ise "A Fair outside is but a poor subs
ng tute for inward WORTH says a writ
ed That's what the small boy thinks, VIII
at he can't find hole under the fence
ter enough to crawl through, and has
IN, content himself with peeping throu
zen the cracks,
"Here, said an ignorant fellow
he stepped into jewelers. shop,