The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-02-10
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Experience is grade school
course thorough, tuition free--but incl
dental expenses enormous.
An exchange contains an article on
'sYoung Women Who Die Early" This
frequently occurs; but the case of old
women who die early are very few in
deed. NorristoWn Herald.
The census states that there are in
Chicago "7,07S stores, 6,971 factories,
and 958 mixed establishments Now
you can understand how so many people
get ''mixed when they go to Chicago,
Barli,agto Haa0b-Eye.
AS matters are going in this coun-
try just now, we think seriously of OBJ.
tanning pensions for the chairs of our:
office, as many of them have lost leg
in the service--LoaoeH Citizen.
"A minister who was speaking about
Heaven said: mo feeble idom of earth
can describe or portray the beauties of
that place" He was ready to scalp a re-,
porter the next day, who rendered the
sentence. mo feeble idiot of earth.''
etc.
A Gallant Reply.-Miss Lucy (stop-
ping opposite tireplace) Here's where
you and l are to sit, Major" The
Major-"By Jove!-a-rather warm
place" Miss Lucy-"What! you a
major, and can't stand frep' The
Major-"Not at my back, you know,
Miss Lucy" Punch.
Visitor from the country, who has
been doing" the sights of London,
when asked what he thought of the
cathedral nave, said: what! the fellow
who took the shillings? didn't know
you called things SO exactly by their
proper names in Londonn
"A party of young men dined sumpt-
uously at a restaurant and each one in
sisted on paying the bill. To decide the
matter it was proposed to blindfold the
waiter, and the first one he caught
should pay the bill. He hasn't caught
any of them yet Chicago Herald.
"A lecturer once prefaced his dis
course upon the rhinoceros with: ~
must beg you to give me your undivided
attention. Indeed. it is absolutely i'm
possible that YOU can form true idea of
the hideous animal of which we are
about to speak, unless you keep your
eyes fixed upon mer'
To go into statistics it is estimated
that during the year the average man
has said: ''How are yerp" 3.743 times;
as this hot enough for you?" and as
this cold enough for your each All
times; pleasant day." 10,748 times;
''Looks like rain," 12,3253 times; other
meteorological remarks, not classified,
1856, 421, 107, 1865, 792,001 times.-N. Y.
Herald.
"A gentleman who had been in town
only three days, but who had been pay
ing attention to a prominent belle,
wanted to propose but was afraid he
would be too hasty. He delicately
preached the subject as follows: t'If /
were to speak to you of marriage after
having only made your acquaintance
three days ago, what would you say to
itp' "Well, should say never put off
till tomorrow that which you should
have done day before yesterday"
"A Virginia preacher, who bought
his butter from his brother Paul, sent for
q fresh supply for his Sunday dinner and
was in the midst of his sermon when his
negro servant returned and took his seat
in the church. The preacher had elo-
quently related what Matthew, Mark,
Luke and John had said in relation to
the subiect-matter of his text, and he
then said in laundering tones: "And
what does Paul sayP" The negro, think
ing the question addressed to him, re-
piled, in the hearing of the whole con-
congregation: ''Marse Paul says as how
you can't get any more butter till you've
paid for dat you got last week. IN O.
PscayUrse.