The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-05-18
VOL. XXVIII----NO. 20.
VARIETIES.

book reviewer, as he peruscd his uncles
will and found that the sensible lamented had
left him snug bequest.
-"Who prayed there ?" asked a member
of the Canadian House of Commons of the
persons who were trying by interruption to
silence him. at was an echo" rctorted a
voice.
"A trade journal gives directions for "pre-
serving harness" Preserved harness may
be considered very palatable by those who
like that sort of thing, but we don't want
bit in our mouth.
AS for jest, there be certain things which
ought TO be privileged from it, namely, relig-
ion, matters ofState, great persons, any mans
present business of Importance, and any case
that deserveth pity.
1T doesn't take n northern invalid very
long to get well in Florida. When the first
weeks hotel bill is presented he generally
says: 81 guess | am well enough to start for
home this afternoon"
-"Charley," said mother to seven year
old boy, "you must not interrupt me when
am talking with ladies. You must wait
till we stop, and then you can talk" But
you never stop" retorted the boy.
"A son of Erin who by some strange
chance got into a fight, was asked by an ac-
affair Said he; "Well, SUR, to tell you the
truth, saw but little of the foight. was
on the undlher side of it,"
SLOW do you like my waflies ?" asked
society belle of her guest. could not be
nicer" was the reply. Odd you really make
those yourself?" "Oh yes, indeed read
of the receipt to the cook and turned the
patent floursifter all myself"
"A flye-ycar-old, who went to school for the
first time, came home at noon and said to his
mother: mamma, don't think that teacher
knows much" "Why not, my dear?' "Why,
she kept asking questions all the time. She
asked where the Mississippi river was"
"A blizzard story from the Northwest -
A man went for bucket of water and spill
ed little while returning TO the house. He
put one foot on the wet spot, and before he
could take another step lie was frozen to the
ground. He had to leave his boot behind
and hop to the house.
Scene ON a railway platform at IEeidel-
berg Traveller to university student-"Sir
you are crowding-keep back, sir" U. S.
tiercely-"Dont you like it? Allow me to tell
you that | am at your service at any time
and place" Traveller, nignantly-"Ah, in
deed, that it is very Xxi Il ofyou. Just carry this
satchcl for me TO the hotel"
The address of certain young man hay
ing been declined by n young lady, he paid
court to her sister. GLOW much you resem-
BILE your sister" said he on the evening Of the
first call. "You have got the same hair and
the same forehead and the same eyes"
And the same noes" she added quickly
He has stopped calling at that house.
"A father has been complaining to
friend of the family of the conduct of his
prodigal son. "9ou ought to reason with
him seriously" says the friend of the family.
$50 do So have " says the father in des-
spair, "but it has no effect. The young scoun-
ircl will listen TO nobody that isn't fool
like himself ! want you to go and talk with
him "
--Bookseler-Wha sort of books do you
want, sir? Customcr-Oh, such books as
4 gentleman generally has. Bookseller
About how manyy Customer-Wcll, my
library is 12X15, and | want it full Book
you have them bound in Russia
Or morocco? Customcr-You needn't send
them so fur. Have them bound in New
York"
q must say" said Miss Swectbricr to
Mr. Daisy, II don't think your brother gen
nrous mt all. In fact think he is down right
'tingy." ooh, now Miss Swcetbricr," re-
piled Daisy, with the utmost carncstness,
you are mistaken. You are, indeed Dick
IS anything but stngy. assure you-I do
ndtcd-that he never spends less than thirty
u forty dollars Il week on himself"
"A father while reading the newspaper
was asked by his boy the meaning of the
word transatlantic" Not wishing to be
he answered CURLY, 1T means
lcross the Atlantic; don't trouble me with
my more questions" The boy, feeling hurt,
eft the room, saying as he did so, loud
enough to let his father hear, "And suppose
transparent means cross parent"
An Austin justice found negro guilty
If assault, and addressed him as follows: II
shall either fine you ten dollars and costs or
send you TO Jail for ten days" "For heavens
'ake your honor" exclaimed the young law
YER who was the prisoners attorney, don't
impose fine on the man. just sent him TO
all. Don't rob him of his money. I've not
got my fee from him yet and it's almost rent
lay"
A country merchant visited the city
cw days ago and purchased from dollar
store table caster which he took home with
lin, and after putting tag on it marked S14,
made present of ii to Il Methodist preacher,
whose church his family attended. The re-
ycrend gentleman took the package home,
opened it and examined the contents. The
next day he took the caster with the tag
lttachcdD back TO the groceryman, and said
% him: Il am too poor in this worlds goods
o afford TO display so valuable Il caster on
ny table, and ifyou have no objection,
hould like to return it and take $14 worth of
groceries in its stead" The merchant could
10 nothing but acquiescc, but fancy his feel
ngs.- Cincinnati Gd.CtF