davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
He Wanted Some Hard Questions,

There is an odd old fellow in Mont
rose, Pennsylvania, who is somewhat
addicted to potations and when he
takes them at all, he "potates" rather
freely. Once, on Saturday, he had
become considerably innebrated. Sun
day found him as mellow as Saturday
had left him. and in addition to the
stack of whiskey in him, he felt a de-
sire to visit the sanctuary. So to the
"meeting house he went. Parson
B, worthy old dominic, was in.
structing Bible class Old Charley
walked in, and sat down quite demure-
ly in pew, He listened very atten-
lively to the questions and answers for
few minutes; but being anxious to
show his knowledge of "Scriptur" and
doctrine, he stood up, leaning on the
pew with both hands.
"Parshon---," said he, task me
some o them hard ques-shuns,
"Uncle Charles" said the dominic,
with a solemn face, and in a drawing
tone, "don't you know tnat you are in
the bonds of sin and the depths of ini-
q uity 7"
"Yes sir and the gall of bitternC S.
too, Ask me another ques-shun !"
A BUSINESS SEcREr-"Are these
cakes new maple sugar :" he asked a,
he halted before stand on Wall
street
"They are sir.
"Made this wipter?"
"Yes, sir"
"From the pure sap, :"
| "The pure sap, sir,
Sand not adulterated T.
-"Not in the least, How many cake.
will You have?
Not one. | am looking foI
some cakes of old maple sugar--som,
at least year old think new mapl,
sugar unhealthy :"
Hll tell you what, sir" said In,
keeper of the stand, as he gave hi
voice a confidential pitch, ''it you wan
six cakes at five cents each, I'll admit
lied aboutit, and this is old sugar polish
ed up with rag, Come, sir patroniz
la poor but worthy man"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
"A NOTED BUT UNTITLED ,yOMAN.

il SSr:, Tdtrrs -
T.u above is good likeness of Mrs lydia T. Pink.
h H az Lynn, Mass, who above all ter human being,
s. b. t3lrClly called the Dear Friend of Worannp
nsN,onc Of her correspondents love to call her Sho
l. -,uyy devoted to her work; which is the on &c me
Cf L'~s;ud", and IL obliged to keep six lady
Ha:t' 90 help her answer the large corrcspo rdcnce
winch dali! iours in upon her, each bearing its secai
burden of suTCinl, or JOY at rclcn c from IT, Her
Ne=rtahir C. 'ipound is a medicine for good and not
egA r.rp q. have personally Investigate d It and
am satisfied Of the truth o: this
o. account Of itg proven merits. II n recommended
and prescribed by tcbest Physicians In tho country.
One stysi /" II works like charm and saves much
pnn. It will entirely the worst form Of falling
of the uterus, LeucorrhGa, Irregular and painful
Mcns.ruatiun n ovarian Troubles, Inflammation and
liberation, holdings, all DisplacemcnI and the con-
sequrn spinal weakness and Is especially adapted to
the Change Of Life"
ItpcrncI'. every portion OF the system and gives
new life and vigor. It removes faintress Hatuency,
destroys all craving for stimuaLts and relieves weak
~ the stomach. It cures Bloalng,, Headaches,
Nervous lrosration, General Debility, Sleeplessness,
Depression and Indigestion. That feeling of bearin,
down, causing pain weight AMI bac':ache Ia always
permanently cured by its II will at all Im and
unor all circumstances, act In harmony with the law
Tat governs the female system.
Itcosts y sl per bottle six for S. and is sold by
drcgs!rts Any advice required as special cases. and
the names OF many who have been restored perfect
Lea!th by the Of the Vegetable Compound can be
obtained ly addressing Mrs, p, with stamp for reply,
1t her home in Lynn, Mass.
For Kidney Complaint Of either sex this compoundi
unsurpassed as abundant testimonials show.
Mrs. Iinlhams Liver Pills" says ono writer, "aro
he best IN The tro,id for the cure Of Constipation
Biliousness and Torpdity Of the liver. Her Blood
Purorwor';s wonders IN its special line and Lids fair
20 equal the Compound in its popularity.
Al must respect her an Angel of Mercy who-, .
ambition is to do good to others.
philadelphia. Pa o. Mrs 4 NJ d.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20

A Ayoung man with an umbrella over
took an unprotected lady acquaintance
in rain-storm, and extending his um.
brella over her, requested the pleasure
of acting as her rainbow "Oh " ex-
claimed the young lady, taking his
arm, "you wish me to be your rain
dear" Two souls with but a single
umbrella, two forms that stepped as
one.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20

used. 1cllOW L ever mas
black vomit had tai
cases Of Diphtheria yield
Fevereda and Sick Per-
sons refreshed and
Bed Sores prevent
ed by bathing with
Darbys Fluid.
Impure Air made
harmless and purified.
For Sore Throat 1t is a
sure cure.
Contagion destroyed.
For Frosted Feet,
Chilblains, Piles,
Chaiings, etc.
rheumatism cured.
Soft White Complex
ions secured by its use.
Ship Fever prevented.
To purify the Breath,
Cleanse the Teeth,
it can't be surpassed.
Catarrh relieved and
cured.
Eryslpelas cured.
Burnsrelievedinstantly.
Scars prevented.
Dysentery cured.
Wounds healed rapidly.
Scurvy cured.
An Antidote for Animal
or Vegetable Poisons,
Stings, etc.
| used the Fluid during
our present aflliction with
Scarlet Fever with de-
cided advantage. 1t Is
indispensable to the sick
room. WM. +. SAND.
FORD, Eyric, Ala,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20

A member ofmy fam
lily was taken with
Small l.pox. | used the
Fluid the patient was
not delirious, was not
pitted, and was about
the house again in three
weeks, and no others
had it. - J. W. PARK
INsoN, Philadelphia.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
RATss OF AOvssrIslNa.

Yearly Advertisements payable quarterly. Tram
sent advertisements must be paid for before Insert
cd except where parties have accounts.
Legal advertisements two dollars per Inch for
three Insertions, and at that rate for additional
Insertions without reference TO length
Executors Administrators, and Auditorsnollc,
three dollars. Must be paid for when Inserted.
Transient or Local notices, ten cents line, regu-
Tar advertisements half rates.
Cards in the Business Directory" column, one
dollar year for each line.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
EIRE INSURANCE.
CHRISTIAN F. KNAPP, BLooMsBURG, PA,

BRITISH AMERICA ASSURANCE COMPANY
GERM AN FIRE INSURANCE COMPANY.
NATIONAL FIRE INSURANCE COMPANY.
UNION INSURANCE COMPANY.
These old CORPORATIONS are well seasoned by
age aud FIhE TESTED and have never yet had q
loss settled by any court OF law, Their assets
are al invested In SOLID sRCURITlEsand are liable
TO the hazard of FIRE only.
Losses PROMPTLY and HONESTLY adjusted and
paid as soon as determined by CHRISTIAN r..
KNAPP. sPRcIIL AsEsT AND ADJUsrER BLOOMS
The people OF Columbia ounty should patron
iZe the agency where losses II any are settled
and patf py one OF their own 0ttlzenR.
PRoMP1NESS, EQUITY, FAIR DEALING.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20

For Scarlet and
Typhoid Fevers,
Diphtheria, Sail
walton, liberated
Sore Throat, Small
POx, Measles. and
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
Z <<E-.lxfIltrk-t.I@EEgEaslt, u,
Scarlet Fever
i Cured.

Vanderbilt University, Nashville, Tenn.
testify to the most excellent qualities Of Prof
Darbys Prophylac,ic Fluid. As disnfectant and
detergent it is both theoretically and practically
superior to any preparation with which am ac-
quanted.-N. t. LurroH, Prof Chemistry
Darbys Fluid is Recommended by
Hon. ALBNANDER II. STEPHENS of Georgia:
Rev CHAs. F. DEEMS, D.D., Church Of the
Strangers, N. Y;
Jos. LECoSTE, Columbia, Prof University sc.
Kew, a. }. BATTLE, Prof, Mercer University:
Rev GEo. L. PIERcE, Bishop NJ. L. Church.
INDISPENSABLE TO EVERY HOME.
Perfectly harmless. Used internally or
externally for Man or Beast
The Fluid has been thoroughly tested and we
have abundant evidence that it has done everything
here claimed. For fuller information get OF YOUR
Druggist pamphlet or send to the proprietors,
j. III. ZEILIN n CO.,
Manufacturing Chemists, PHILADELPHIA.
August, s2ly
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
Eradicates
MALARIA.

all Contagious Diseases. Persons waiting on
the Sick should use ii freely. Scarlet Fever has
never been known to spread where the Fluid was
used. Yellow Fever has been cured with it after
black yomit had taken place. The worst
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
DARBYS
PROP HYLACT|C
FLUID.
FLUID.

A Household Article for Universal
Family Use
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-04-20
Diphtheria
Prevented.

The physicians here
use Darbys Fluid very
successfully in the treat
ment Of Diphtheria.
A. SToLLESwRRcK,
Greensboro, Ala.
letter dried up.
Cholera prevented.
Ulcers purified and
healed.
In cases ofDeath IL
should be used about
the corpse - II will
prevent any unplcas-
ant smell.
The eminent Ply
sician, j. MARION
SIMS, NJ. d., New
York, says: al am
convinced Prof. Darbys
Prophylactic Fluid is a
! valuable disinfectant.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26
NEWSPAPERS.

The entire value of good news
paper is rarely estimated by the
average reader. One looks upon it
simply as the chronicle of passing
events. Another looks upon il IS
the exponent or defender of some
cherished idea, with which be is in
sympathy. The newspaper is more
than this, il is conducive TO morality.
honesty aud the general welfare Of
the community 10 which it 10 issued
Many little peccadillos are nipped in
the bud by the wholesome dread of
exposure through the De~spaper.-
Men are more circumspect when
they know that the argus eye of the
reporter or local editor is upon them
Thieves dread and bate the news
pspers, because all their schemes
and modus opersndi are laid bare
before the public eye. The news
paper is looked upon by The criminal
classes of the community as the light
house is viewed By the wrecker ;
while it continues to illuminate, their
occupation is jeopardized.
There are but three classes of men
in every community. the retrograde,
the stationary, and the progressive.
The two former have little or 20 re,
gard for the newspaper Ut its iOha-
ence, and read it SIMPLY to tind OUT
''whst is gong on" but who conld
fold their arms aud see it die with
the utmost complacency, leaving the
progressive portion OF the community
as the only real sufferers. The ret
rogrsde aod stationary class of every
community are generally the critics
of every community, s"d Steele
truihfuily said: ''Of ell mortsls a
critic ia the siiliest: for by inuring
himself to examine all things, wheth'
err they are Of consequence or not,
be never looks upon anything bur
with a design of passing sentence
upon it Edwin Forrest once CON-
pared 9 critic to a puppy, ''who
barked at everything he could not
understand. "-Excbange.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26
CATCHING A "sMAErY."

Two engineers we're drinking cot
fee and eating doughnuss at lunch
counter one evening, when one said
to the other:
sWho was the farmer, Dick, that
you run into out there at the cross
ingf It wasn't that smart Aleck
that wears the wide brimmed gray
hat and drives the bay colts was it =
'It was the same fellow, Ed, the
one who always tries to get across
the track ahead of a train, and then
drives off with his hat on one side,
and looks up at the engine as much
as to say, you cant fool your Uucle
Ike | have expected some OF the
boys would kill him the last year. -
It is always some such smarty that
ges. smashed. Why, that fellow has
run those colts across my bow 90
times, and several times | have come
within four feet of knocking him
into kingdom come, and have been
10 cold sweat every time. He got
so be would run bis colts quarter of
a mile to cross the track ahead of the
train, and seemed to think the pass.
engers were admiring bis bravery.
but they thought be was blasted
fool. Several times he has had q
girl with him 10 the lumber wagon,
and he seemed to think it was big
thing to drive across right ahead of
the train. and scare the girl. | have
expected the air would be full of
people and bay colts, and this after,
noon be got it. Bot guess be has
learned lesson. When we picked
him up out of the plowed field, where
he lit under a wagon box, with a
crate of live chickens, and o keg of
sauerkraut be was taking to town,
be was awfully wilted. He saw the
train and / whistIed and rung the
bell, but he whipped the team, and
just as they got on the track one of
the colts stopped, and the COW catch
er struck right between the horses
and wagon, and the colts were both
killed, and thrown 10 the calvert,
AND the wagon was strung all along
the track. and the wagon box and
the smsr,y went over the fence. ]
stopped the train and backed up,
expecting to Gnd him dead, bat when
we lifted up the boz hawas all right,
only be was white as ] sheet. The
first thing he said ives that be would
sue the company for damages. -
Well, it was all | could do TO keep
from taking him by the neck and
dragging ths plowed ground with
bin. | told him be had been play
ing smart too two years, aud now he
bad got it, auG | hoped be would
have little sense after this He
believed like calf when be saw the
colts dead, and said biz father would
whip him, because he bad always
warned him against tryiog to be q
hero. If it hadn't been for killing
the colts, | should be glad the thing
happened. y Peck s Sun
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26
PLAIN talk ABOUT MARRIAGE.

Az to the age when people should
marry, the lady should, 10 my opin-
ION, be 20 o. %, and the gentleman
FIVE years her senior. Poor men
cannot marry extravsgapt girls, who
expect as good home as their pa
rents vera only able to acquire after
many years. toll. The deceit prac4
ticed 90 both both sides is very
great. The ugly suilor gets tall
or to hide bis deficiencies the un~
slightly maiden calls 10 the aid o. her
rouge pot and mi;liner. Until re-
Gently marriage brokerage was car
ried on 10 France. We Americans
are guilty of the same thing in
another way. Mothers sell daogh-
,ers to the highest bidders and
daughters sell themselves for gold to
men old enough to be their grand
fathers Such women would no
more choose honest mechanics for
husbands than they would convicts
from the penitentiary. There is no
reason why womeG should not choose
as well as men. At present the men
have all the advantage, No girl is
ct to be a wife till she can. if neces-
sary cook a meal, make dress and
keep house 10 order. Accom- plish>
wents are good but tired husband
would much prefer a good square
meal. ALI matches the! are brought
about by selfish motives are unholy,
and women who marry for position
or wealth are just as guilty as those
who sell their virtue for given cum.
They are, in fact, living a life of
legslized prostitution Marriages 10
which there is no adaptation are un-
lawful. Az oil ard water will not
unite without alkaline, so many
couple are united by means of gold.
Such artifioially made matches are
often broken. You may force alco-
hol and gumcsmphor to blend. but
at presence of water the alcohol
elopes and leaves the camphor a
grass widow In like manner a
bird party often steps in between
badly assorted pair, wi b what result
can be easily seen. None but those
Who have been united through pure
motives and deep, abiding love have
fulfilled the conditions under which
a mao and woman may really be-
come husband and wife.-REv DR..
MCKENDREE.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

Many failures are set down to
bad luck, when. 10 fact, it was only
bad neglec'. Sometimes it is bad
ignorance, and both are generally
without proper excuse though ress
oDs are always abupdantly stated
why the troubles we're unavoidable
Now, what we are here in this world
tor is to learn how to do things right
to occupy the time 10 the fulfill.
ment of high duIies no individual is
at liberty to shrink or neglect. To
perform these duties we must be ed
ucated, trained, drilled into them,
and be who has opportunities, and
neglec,s their advantages, does not
deserve success, and may fairly con
sider bad luck his estate. No mat
ter what caIlir G profession or indus
Try We choose, the same obligation
or necessity devolves upon US to FL
a, prepare ourselves for lite perfecI
execution.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

BOSToN CULTURE AS SHOWN BY
Horse "A long line of horses stand
ready harnessed to take the street
cars around an up grade corner 10
Boston. The horses IRE so placed
IN line as to be taken each in it's
doe turn. Just nov the writer OBJ
served that the instant the driver
detailed for the purpose was out of
sight around corner, horse whose
turn would come next deliberately
walked down the line and placed
himself as the last in the line the
last, thus, to be used. Watching
c, osely be noticed that it was but
one horse that did this, did it so in>
vsrisbly, and not until the driver
was out of sight around the corner,
as to make it impossible but hat it
was done to escape work. Could a
borse be that intelligent anywhere
outside of New England 7 As to
the morality of the act, alas alas
-TCor. Phil adelpl i. Press.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

John Cowgirl, once resident
here, is DOW clerk of North Man,
chester, and Joe is good penman,
and at recent election, when his
serving on 'he board was objected to
he was the FIRST to have his reports
completed. A popularity With bin
is that be hes no hands, both al ms
being off at or just above the wrists,
and--he does his writing by holding
the pep between The two stubs. Ia
ea,ing be has knife and fork to fit
on bis arms and can also get pen~
holder fitted. but prefers TO write
with both of bis stubs, az be was &C.
customed to do when be lived here
He harnesses or uDharDesses horse
az haDdily as any person, and can
do nearly the s@me tbines people
ose tbsir hands for. South HG0es
SesstaMeL.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

The constitution of the United
States gives Congress power ITO
coin money and regulate the value
thereof" When Congress has a
piece of money coiLed it regulates
the value thereof" by stamping it on
the face of the coin. 1t thus regu>
lated the value of the trade dollar
and passed it off as such to the first
receivers For the government now
to decline to receive that coin as a
full dollar is Just as much an act of
reputation US it's refusal to receive
or redeem paper note or bond
would be. Rome Courier.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

New Jersey law prohibits sales of
tobacco to boys under sixteen under
penalty of $40 for each offense to be
sued for and recovered by the parent
or guardian of the boy. It went into
effect on the Ali of July. Dealers
say il reduces their sales quite per-
eeptibly, but they do not object to
ii, as i. clears their shops of troops
of boys to invest q cent 10 cigar
cite, which they would take turns in
smoking.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26
BuGA AND BURGLARS.


A lady in this city overheard her
nurse girl talking to the little child
she was putting to sleep, and among
other legends of the nursery 10
which she INDUCED was this:
'lf you don't go right to sleep this
very inmate great big, awful black
bear, With eyes like Goals of fire,
and sharp, white, cruel teeth, will
come on. from under bed and eat
you ell up!"
The poor little thing nestled down
under the clothes, and after long
season of terror fell asleep, to dream
frighsful dreams OF bears eating her.
That night when the stolid nurse
had composed herself in her own
comfortable bed and had put the
light out, there came a sudden rap
at the door, and the voice OF the
mistress called out:
"Maggie I! Maggie! for mercy's
sake ge, up, quick |! There's a fear
fol burglar under the bed, and as
soon as you get asleep he's coming
oot to rob and murder you."
At the word burglar the girl
sprang from the bed with scream,
tore open the door and fell in hyste-
RIGS into The hall. The lesson was
even more instructive than the mis-
trees had designed, bat when the
girls fears were Gained she said to
her:
you did not hesitate to tell my
delicate child, who could not possi~
oily know that it was lie, cruel
story of a bear under her bed; and
now when | treat you to the same
kind Of slumber story you are
frightened to death. To>morrow
you can go into the kitchen and
work you are not fit to care for lit
tie children"
How many children are there who
every night of their lives are fright
ened to sleep.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

How He Won THE BET.-Littlf
Tommy was entertaining one OF hi
sisters callers until she appeared.
Don't you come to see my sister
he inquired.
Yes, Tommy, thas's what | come
for.
You like her a good deal, don
youf'
'Of course, | admire her very
much. Don't you think she il
nice
We'll, l have to, cause she's my
sister, but she thumps me pretty
tough sometimes. But say, les see
YOU open your mouth once. No"
shut it it real tight l count ten
There, | knowed you could do it,
why, Tommy, who said !
couldn't Z
oh. nobody much bat sister,
What did she say Y
well, she said you hadn't sense
enough to keep your mouth shut,
and bet. her two big oranges you
had. and you have. amt you, and
you'll make her duff up the oranges,
WON'T your
The young man didn't wait to see
whether she would or not
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

The HartweIl Sun says: "a
young impnstor spent a night with
Mr.. jenkins. near Knox's bridge,
last week. and succeeded 10 passing
q coun erfeit gold coin off 90 the old
gentlemen, for which be received
bis u got's lodging and nice dollars
and fifty cents in greenbacks and
silver. He inquiries of places con-
trary to the way be goes, bat is sup
posed to be making down the Savan~
nab river. He appears to be Is or
20 years of sge."
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

Postmaster General Gresham de
cides that letters containing money
orders or registered packages d.
rected to the Louisiana Lottery
Company must not be sent through
The mails. The decision is sgitating
the lottery and they propose to fight
the matter in the courts. 1t would
seem as though the government
ought to decide what shall be car
ried in the mails and what shall not.
The Kentucky lotteries have been
prohibited from using the mails for
two years.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

Strength to vigorously push a
busin ess, strength to study for pro-
fessiou, strength to regulate q houses
hold, strength to do a days labor
without physical pain. Do you De
sire strength If you are broken
down. have no energy, feel IS if life
was hardly worth living. you can be
relieved and restored to robust heslth
and strength by taking Browns Iron
Bitsers, q sure cure for dyspepsia,
malaria, weakness and ell diseases
r. quiriDg q true, reliable, non-alco
holic tonic. It acts on the blood,
nerves and muscles and regulates
every part Of The syataW.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1883-07-26

HAVOC CAUSED BY A MISPLACED
SWITCH AT Knoxville, Tenn, at
one o'clock on morning of the 18th
inst, an east bound express train
was thrown from the main track by
misplaced switch st the zirc
works one mile east of Knoxville.
'rhe train was running at full speed.
and four coal cars on the side track,
demolishing them. The engine jump
ed The track and ran into the main
building of the works inst erected by
East Tennes 'ee Valley Zinc Compa-
uy tearing away whole side Of the
building and playing havoc with the
machinery. The locomotive struck
a stationary engine of the zinc com
pany, demolisbing the latter COM
pletely. The locomotive and teUder
overturned. The mail car was torn
to pieces, and the EXPIRE IS car dam
eyed. The damage to the railroad
company is about $40 900, and tc
the zinc company about $4,000
The railroad company offers large
reward for the apprehension of the
person who broke the lock and
changed the switch.