The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-01-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

iearillm trImminS.
Hypocrisy is shaking hands with your
neigltbor and then. when his back is
turned, Kicking his dog in the ribs.
Taking about difficult feats, did you
ever attempt to select name for q
bahy?'
People say that blackberries are good
Tor the complexion. but who wants a
blackberry complexion?
Before marriage she was dear and he
WAS her treasure, but afterward she be-
came dearer and he treasurer.
An Arkansas girl refused to marry
her lover unless he performed some
heroic deed He eloped with her mother.
A fool in high station is like mar IN
a bailoon-everybody appears little to
him. and he appears little toeverybody.
The girl who sets her heart on any,
thing should be very careful that some
young fellow doesn't come along and
steal it.
1t is the father of twins who knows
what it is to be up all night with the
BOYS, or with the girls, for that matter.
rs tie case happens to be.
4 Milwaukee woman has kept a ket-
tie of boiling water on the stove every
night for the past twenty-five Years in
order to scald burglars.
Annie Louise Carv's husband, Mr..
Raymond, says that since her marriage
she has entirely recovered her voice.
We thought she would
How much?" said an English Judge
at the close of a recent trial of breach
of - In -hn
charge to n jury on record.
docs your mother play cards?'' in.
quired Billy of his chum. Il don't
know" responded Jimmy: ssbut she of.
ten plays lone hand on me-
The latest aesthetic slang when ladies
reprove their admiring gentlemen
friends is: You fatter too awfully per-
feet much"
All-brokeup young man: ''Yes,
rose by another name would smell as
sweet, and you'd get your fingers hurt
just rs often by the thorus about it..
A girl who sets out to look graceful
in hammock has as much work on
hand as the man who tries to be languid
with Il saw-log following him down
HILL
my dear, to put your poor dead hus-
bands portrait in your dining roomr'
.'0h, | put him there as bit of still
life"
Ladies, when being courted, ought
not to object to the moderate use of to
baceo. They should recollect that
where there is ''tiamer there must bt
some smoke.
When young lady asked to look al
a parasol, the clerk said: s.Will YOU
please give me the shade, you wants''
Il expect the parasel to give me tn.
shade want, +" said the young lady.
The clergymen of Lampass supply
the prisoners in Jail with manuscript
sermons to read during their leisure
hours. The way of the transgressor is
hard. very hard.
A negro congregation at Austin, Tex.
thought their pastor had their color in
mind when he frequently spoke of 1.-THE
powers of darkness, and requested him
to stop SUCH talk or resign.
When a man says he is miserable
sinner. if You take him at his word and
tell him you agree with him, he will
we'll. it's, on the whole. better not to dc
it till You get on the other side of the
fence.
A Virginia man and his wife walked
miles, carrying their baby.
% see II circus. They know now how
sublime it is to suffer for great pur-
pose.
To Foretell the Weather.
Ii the sun sets in crimson clouds and
ises brilliant, or II the stars are numer-
Ills and bright. we know in a general
FaE that we may reckon a duration of
ne weather.
Dews and white morning fogs are
of clear days.
A dark and vapory sun and a siekly-
boxing moon with blunt horns, and a
ircle around her, or pallid. big and
stars are all signs of
pproaching rain.
If the sun comes ND pale and then
arms red. or If the moon is large and
addy. with sharp, black horns, we NAV
punt ON wind.a sd -
The ehiekweed is called abe poor
han $ barometer Because it shuts up
s flowers when wet is approaching,
u he aurora borealis. when very bright.
srebodes stormy, moist, unsettled
Gather. IS - -
A haze around the sun indicates rain;
is caused by fine rain or mist in the
PIPER regions of the atmosphere.
a halo around the sun has often been
'llowed by heavy rains.
A halo around the moon is also an in
icatlen of rains The larger the halo
le Aearerthe wet spell
Lack on dew is another sign of rain
Sharp white frosts in Autumn and
inter precede damp weather, and
iree successive white frosts are an in
I1lible sion 0f rair,