Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-08-30
WIT AND HUM0R.


bangs her hair, and when she wants to
be ugly she bangs the door.
. Never propose to girl in writing 1t
is present company" that is always
accepted Life.
1t does not follow that man is jour
nalist because he has 4 free ticket to a
picnic. -NeU Orleans hcayuae.
We are asked the question if water
does not sometimes intoxicate. We
have often seen barrels that were water
tight.
Two deaf mutes We're married the
other day in Philadelphia 1t is to be
hoped the conjugal affection will be
mute-ual.
Ruskin says that no couple should
marry until they have courted seven
years This would lead one to suppose
that Ruskin runs soda fountain.
Oscar Wilde is describing the Ameri-
can GIRL to English audiences as "a
pretty oasis of unreasonablenesS in n
lesert of common sense.
# The cost of stopping n train OF ears is
& said to be from 60 to 40 cents. When
train is stopped by another train these
prices become somewhat inflated.
Seeing carriage full of bellies and
beaux drive by, Aminadab remarked
that that reminded him of a load of
wooed.
Mistress to new cook: "On Wednes-
days and Saturdays | shall 60 to market
with you" New cook: Very well,
mum; but who's agoin' TO carry the
basket the other days?'
1t is the same old story. Two IlliDois
farmers had dispute about the bound-
arv lines of their farms. Their dispute
is now settled, and so are the lawyers
ON their farms Philadelphia Nc10S.
Your mother coming" exclaimed
Smithers; ''why, they say the old Harry
couldn't live with her. - But, replied
Mrs s., in her most haunting manner,
you willtry to, for my sake, won'tyou,
Charley?"
Bismarck may give the American hog
the cold shoulder now. but he will be
glad to take it in next Christmas. The
American egg-nog, that is. That fits a
little rough, but YOU can't make q
smooth joke on such bristly subject.
A well-known novelist was recently
asked what he did to always keep the
attention of his readers. II have read
Il good deal" he replied, land always
try to avoid what annoyed me in other
writers"
One-fourth of all the pineapples inn
ported in the United States go to Phila-
delphia. A pineapple tastes good to
your nose. but it couldn't be much
more indieestible if it was made of hick-
DRY.
The New jersey law prohibiting the
sale of tobacco to boys under l6years of
age is not grand success. The small
boy hires his big brother to buy the to-
bacco, and then goes halves with him
on the tobacco. Boston Post.
VI hat a happy way of putting things
the real poet hasl Now, Burns, in
stead of saying, Beware Of pickpock-
ets!" expresses the same idea by "A
chiefs among We takin' notes. "-B0Ston
Courier.
Nearly one hundred Philadelphia
teachers are to be married this Sum-
mer. A school system that enables
woman to support her husband is the
next best thing to free beer. burlington
HdtCkeye.
A Western college boy was caught in
the act of rehearsng his Grafton before
small case in which were placed about
dozen eyeglasses He confessed that
he was preparing himself beforehand to
endure the stony gaze of the audience.
In Newport boudoir: ooh! he is
such n charming gentleman. And he
did not make his money in vulgar trade.
either. No, indeed! He owns II bank;
for ] have heard people who knew him
speak OF it. 1t is in Il Western city
named Faro.
Baker, the life insurance agent, had
his chin-whiskers shaved oil the other
day What on earth did YOU do that
for?" asked his friend. on meeting him
soon after the catastrophe. "A man in
your business needs all the chin nature
and art can furnish him.
A cucumber five feet long is exhibited
at New Orleans 1t isn't size that
counts in Il cucumber, however. A little,
stubby fellow, three by two inches, has
proven enough to expand an ordinary
sized stomach to an acher, - PittSbirg
Telegraph.
"What books shall we take away for
the summer" asks the Philadelphia
Bulletin. If you're going to Newport
or Long Branch, Francis, we would
suggest that you take a pocket-book;
one about three feet long and twenty
eight inches wide will last you whole
week.
1t is said that Anna Dickinson will re-
turn to the stage next winter. Well,
she is right. She has tramped about
from one thing to another so long that
she must be sufficiently tired to enjoy q
good ride. Climb inside. Anna. the
seat next the window is most comforta-
BILE.
Dr. Mary Walker says if the post
master general does put the carriers
and department clerks into the Oscar
Wilde pantaloonettes, she will resign
and let the department 90 to pieces and
that's all there is of it; there now. Mary
Jane, not another word, her mind 8
made up.
htcg Wtnnar,, rnbopI taarbo,.