The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1883-10-11
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS

Vesuvius threatens another "alarm-
ing eruption" 1t is high time for
Vesuvius to be yaceinated. - tits IS
burg Telegraph. &.
q. Boston commercial traveller, mems
toned by the Globe, was paralyzed Whe y
young lady asked him, .. When
you going peddling againl" Cou,Sea .
Journal.
eyes" he said, "I prefer to have
black sand given me instead of per-
per by my grocer. 1t doesn't hurt my
eyes SO much when my wife gets mad.
Boston Post. 81
A baby will cry no harder II pin is
stuck into him than he will if the cat
won't let him pull her tail. Ut IS ,
cheaper, therefore, to pin him.-chS-
cago Telegram.
"How shall we stop the great evil
of lying2" AXIS religious weekly.
Don't know, give it up. It's a habit
you ought never to have fallen into
Saturday Night.
Mrs. Homespun, who has a terrible
time every morning to get her young
brood out Of their beds, says she cannot
understand why children are called ths
rising generation.-Boston Transcript.
A Kansas woman was upbraiding
her husband when a cyclone hove ill,,
sight, and, with sigh of relief, thel;
unhappy man ran out into it's path
and was safely. blown into the next 3
county.-Rochester Egpress.
q g Have you heard any bad neWs27 r.
asked minister's wife Of her hus-
band, as he entered the house, looking
@ little despondent. Yes," the good (
man replied, "I have; the marriage Of
young Smith and the Begley girl is put
off until next year"
"Will there be hop tonight? q
asked a summer sojourner of anothg
who had loved the stock market "ns
wisely but too we'll" Don't knd
about the hop, but there will be skip
if T can get my trunk out" was the
reply.-Boston Bulletin.
Areport that the bones Of amasto9sn
had been discovered was circulated tae
other day, but close inspection prov ed
the relics to be a sunken foundation Of
corncrib. 1t is blessing that cool
and clear-headed men inhabit the
country.-Arkaaasg10 1rGUeler.
A Los Angeles rancher has raised a
pumpkin so large that his two children
use half each for cradle. This may
seem very wonderful in the rural d is'a''
tricts, but in this city three or four
full-grown policemen have been found
asleep on single beat.-San Francisco
Post.
Last Sunday morning Jay Gould
walked down Broadway without rag
on him. Oh, no, he wasn't crazy. He
was one of the best-dressed men in the
street. You wouldn't expect a man Of
Mr.. Gould's wealth to go around
dressed in rags, would you9--Burdette.
in ATgonaut.
"You make yourself scarce" said
an irate father to the young man who
had been forbidden the house, at the
same time reaching for him with a
number nine. And the y. m. excited
ly remarked, as he cleared the front
fence, "I am now taking steps in that
direction. ."-Rochester EGpresS.
A man makes a row if his wife
takes his razor to trim little maize on
her little toe or sharpen lead pencil,
but he thinks it is all right, and SCOTS
at her, if she shrieks her feeble protests
when he takes her little embroidery
scissors to cut copper telephone wire.
"Don't hurt the scissors at all" he
says.-Haockeye.
The mother Of the high-school girl, =
having occasion to be emphatic yester-
day, closel little speech with the re.
mark, "That's the word with the bark
on" The high-school girl said the ex.
preston was not genteel, and told her
mother she should have said, "That is
the exogenous combination Of articu.
late and vocal sounds" ."--OH City Der
rick.
"Charle," remarked Fogg, "you
were born to be writer" "Ah," re-
piled Charlie, blushing slightly at the
compliment, "you have seen some of
the things l have turned off," "No,"
said Fogg, II wasn't referring to what
you had written; was simply think
ing what splendid ear you had for
carrying a pen. Immense, Charlie,
simply immense. ."-Boston Transcript.
Skumka, chief of the Umatilla tribe
in Oregon, miStoOk Jamaica ginger for
a new kind Of beverage that both
cheers and inebriates, and drank twenty
bottles of the stuff. a few moments
later a more surprised Indian was
never seen. He thought volcanic
eruption from Java had struck MIN
where he lives, all1 before dying he
urged all his braves to look not upon the
Jamaica ginger when it burneth like
a prairie on tire.-NO77ist31C1l Herald.