The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-04-28
A WORD TO THE BAsHFUL.
BY LEO C. EVANS.

Come right in. Take chair. Yes l am the editor No: do not write for ] the paper. The proprietor does He employs me because am handsome, and i look well behind desk. 1 am also SUD- posed to entertain socially-disposed callers. You may put your feet on the desk. You have brought me an item. { How kind. We published that two weeks ago when IL was news. We should not | have done SO had we anticipated your visitaiion-beg pardon-yisit, mean. l Visitation IS term commonly applied to plaques and other scourges. No; we ! have no tobacco. So sorry. Wha, IS your favorite cigar: shall ask the pro prieior to buy box for you. You will always find them on the second shelf Certainly you may write note. The stamps are in the lower drawer. Take as many AS you need. don; have to pay for them. Of course you may bring the encyclopaedia home with you. We never refer 10 l, here l, ls merely orna- mental. One volume at a time. or all al once: You won, le, ;he children have them. How consideraie. Yes l would be delighted 10 help you carry them. bu, don't feel very well. No: you have been misinformed. as am s;.il i,ying with my, wife. If she has applied for a divorce or the ground of cruel and inhuman treat ment. l am not aware otil. Can 1 give you any further information about my private, Affairs: o@nni iusi now. Yes your eldest boy IS remarkable child. have not the least de..Di he will prove sound and brilliant lawyer fl you educate him in that profession. Your liitle giri Is unques,ionably the most beautiful have ever seen. Don, bother about those scraps throw them on the floor. The proprietor has all of his copy ready for the printer, and will have plenty of time to pick them up. Can get you tickets for the theatre. You eanno, very well afford to pay. but would like to take your wife and children all the same. We'll: l shall try. les:a man connected wsstfI'' the press receives many favors ofthe kind from managers. Very true. The thea Ire depends upon the press. Strange. that l never thought of that before. Good point 10 make when ask for the tickets. That's fact. Do think old Brown left much money: Haven't the least idea. Guess he left all he had. Yes: Mrs. Browns face IS so homely that Brown may have died of disgus, looking al II. les: the Sloeums are d coarse. or dinary, uppish crowd. who have been lucky, and have had thelr heads turned by their good fortune. Ii is clearly a case of the beggar on horseback nding Ia ,he devil. What? Surely you are not going SD soon. You promised to lunch with he MaNwells, did you. We'll. ifmust go | I ably expect yoa to spend the entire day here. No: will not forget that litlle matter of the theatre tickets. Yes: you may take half a dozen copies of the paper. The proprietor publishes |, for pleasure, not for profit. iou must hurry: Too bad too bad. Well. then. goodbye,
 Editors srowl.-The miserable bore took eight papers, three two-ceni stamps. TWO threes and six. wonder if II Is more than a misdemeanor io kill such a man. What Is he good for anyhow: Why should he be permitted 10 live Why don he do something half decent instead of running here and there iying about his neighbors. He don't seem able 10 grasp the meaning oi a hint. He is one of those who always think you want them around until you kick them out Then they have faint suspicion that you can dispense with their company. l'll-- but no. have it.
 Hello central
 Hello who are you
 =. am number |. t.ue me s. Chicago police headquarters. Ring me up as soon as possible.
 Hello. are you number |
 '' les am number !.
 You have $.
 Hello"
 Hello"
 Who arc you:
 |" am the chief of he Chicago police. Who are you:
 = am number l. .j+ Park Row. New York city"
 "Wha, do you want"
 Send me healthy. deNierous and obliging sandbagger-a man willing to slay creature who has committed all the petty offences on the calendar will mee, al costs with pleasure, and will give yoa s,oo for yourself, bu; that's between you and me.
 Don't mention i;.'
 Il won't"
 An right. will ship yoar man on the fast mall a, p. m.
 .c.~I A..