The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-11-24
Paragraph Fiend.

Invisible Oew-lhe wlhu.
! Latest thing IN boots-EIOles.
The greatest composer
A party tina, bolts-Thc turnkey.
Working III wood-The beer IN the keg
A cats mouth Is Ike free show open
to wauI.
A face,ious topper calls his stomach q
sample ROOM
\ nod thing in bonnets-A sleeping
beauty IN church.
Why is leaky tub like a poor rule
Because it doesn't hold good.
A tramp called his shoes corporations, -
because they had no soles.
A mule is no physician, but he well un-
derstands the art of hecling,
Blobson calls aCCompanlments bald
headed muslc"-because they haven't got
any air.
Many a woman who does not know even
the multiplication table can figure in
society.
A Pennsylvania plumber has joined a
theatrical company. HIS specially will be
preparing the bills
The reason why men succeed who mind
their own business is because there Is so
little competition.
Who says it Is unhealthy to sleep IN
feathers? Look AT the spring chicken and
see how tough he is.
Quite rightiul-Nihilism Is not the
wors, evil of Russia. The women are SAID
to be addicted to china painting
A Philadelphia girl has patented ma
chine which will make gallon of ice
cream minute She calls 1t the Mary
Anderson freezer
Yale college students are organizing
brass band. Thus there will be consld-
cradle addition to the number of college
tOOters.
There is talk of lynching the man who
evolved this toast; "Our Fire Engines
May they be like old maids-ever ready,
but never wanted"
An Arkansas darkey said that de rea-
son dat we think datolr, mudders could beat
anybody cookin' Is because we KANT car.
ry de boys appetite inter old age"
oh happy man, astrdc the fence
Reluctant 70 descend from thence;
See on which side the chestnuts fall,
Then haste, descend, and scoop them all.
When a mans wife comes in and sees
him, razor in hand, and with his face all
over la,her, and asks him, Are you shaw.
ing" it's provoking thing to answer,
"No, I'm backing the stove" but It's hui
man nature to so reply.
"a new industry in Norway is the can.
ming Ofwhales." 1t is not stated how many
whales are packed in each can; but we
shouldn't think the number was over four.
-NOrriStO,cR Uerald
Once more the buckwheat batter is bat.
tered, battered. battered.
And maidens' fair compilations are shat
tered, shattered, shattered,
rs they eat the pancake luscious brot
from kitchen, kitchen, kitchen,
And their tender cpidermis gins TO itch.
en-, itchen, itchen.
The other evening, III Dublin, while Mr..
Barry Sullivan was playing Hamlet, Just
as he cried out IN the closet scene "a rat,
rat!' a cat who heard him, jumped in
state of extreme excitement on the stage to
secure her iavoritc prey
\ member of the English House of
Commons who had been paying attention
to young lady tor long while, had taken
her 10 attend the House until she was per.
fectly posted up IN It's rules. On the las,
day OF the session rs they came out he
bought her bouquet, saying: May
offer you my handful of flowers? - Prompt
ly she replied, II move to amend by omit
ting all after the word hand" He blush
ingly accepted the amendment, and they
adopted 1t unanimously.
WAsPISH WORK.
wasp went buzzing to his work,
And varions things did tackle.
He stung boy and then dog,
Then made rooster cacke
At last upon drnmmer's check
lie settled down TO drill;
He prodded there for half an hour
And then be broke his bill
The Halter and Furi,r.