The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-05-18
WIT AND HUMoR.

NpOo ~ hiSo thO cPititcs
because it's the cream of ta-ta."
Ii is not an easy thing to account for
the milk in the cOcoanut, but any fruit
dealer can give you the whole thing in
a nutshell.
Madam Schalchi's first engagement
was as scrub-girl in the Convent Gar
den Theatre. at five shillings week.
Her salary as member of the Patti
troupe is $2,00o per month.
An agricultural friend asks "How to
make II hot bed?" One easy way is to
go home after midnight and try to get
in bed with your plug hat on. Your
wife will make it hot enough for you.
An English servant girl who had re-
turned from the United States to visit
her friends ut home. was told that she
'.looked really aristocratic," to which
she responded: Eyes. in America all of
us domestics belong to the hire class. "
A young child in Oregon died from
the effects of swallowing the leaves Of
an almanac. 1t is suspected that the
seven-cornered name Of q new liver
remedy advertised therein stuck in the
child's windpipe.
A young politician explained the tat
tered condition of his trousers TO his
father by stating that he was sitting I'M
der an appletree enjoying himself,
when the farmers dog came along and
contested his seat.
A paper announced for its columns
forthcoming storey entitled 1.-The
Prettiesl Girl in the Town." A humid
red young ladies sent postal cards and
warned the editor not to use their real
names.
a man tanned u prairie dog that some
body sent him until the docilc little crea-
ture would eat off his hand. At last, il
ate of about three inches Of his thumb
one day. but it died of conclusion Of
the brain before it could finish the hand.
II was quite n setback when We learn
eel last week that Japanese theology
has l3G hells. We knew that we di,in' I
have much Of Il navy, but hardly realiZ-
ed that we were scrubbing along will,
only one hell. Cheek.
Did you ever shake hands with a
beautiful girl twenty years Of age, and
instead Of letting her hand lie in yours
like a sick fish, give you n good, hearty
grasp? Ii you have, you know what
solid comfort is. dorchester Express.
.Is anybody waiting on yon?" said a
polite dry goods clerk to q young lady
from the country. YES, SIR" replied
the blushing damsel; that's my fellow
outside; he wouldn't come in the store. -
- Cabinet.
''Pomadc. sir?" politely said barber
to a cranky customer in his chair. mo"
he growled; ii don't want any cleo
margarine on my head" ..All right
sir" replied the Uranium manipulation,
81 never put butter on cabbages. ~
~ I. Commercial.
"You naughty boy!' exclaimed Mrs.
DR.. Grasswell, turning to her son,
"YOu ought to be ashamed Of yourself.
TO kill ilics in your book. was going
to make II preacher out of you, but il
you don't quit destroying everything,
I'll make you study medicine under
your father. "-ArkaasaW 1'raceler.
Angelica (raising her head from the
fashion books over which she had been
poring) -..If you'd only leave those
stupid, stupid cards, Algernon, and
tell me whether you think I'd best
have my dress long or short Alger-
non Cooking up from his solitaire)-
''Why not decide it by cutting?"
A clever Yankee in Paris recently
| opened booth on one of the bOulevards
and invited the public to enter il at an
admission of three sous and inspect the
fashions of the times. One of the con.
ditions of admission was that visitors
were TO say nothing outside as to what
they had seen. What they saw was
their own images in a large mirror.
Aunt Jane came down from Vermont
to visit Boston for the first time. Dur.
ing fire i'm her vicinity on the third
night after her arrival, the fireman
cry for .'more hose aroused her from
her peaceful slumber. AMI, like phi.
lanthrOplSt VINO nau no waste timber In
her heart. she threw out of the window
all but three pair of her best wooden
stockings.
1t was at Lancaster. Pa. The Major
sat looking earnestly and affectionate-
IL at his friend. "Bob," he said, pres.
emily, Il dreamed about you last night. ~
Ibid you, ADJ" his friend replied, his
eyes filling with tears. YES" said the
Major, in heartless tone. II had the
nightmare And then the sounds OF
two strong men ''rastling" under the
table were heard in the distance.
'See here, sir" exclaimed Phila-
delphia grocer, bristling up with right
| 800 do
his morning call, IL should just like you
to explain how the chalk and white clay
that found in my coffee cup this morn
ing got there" don't know, I'm
sure" answered the milkman, "unless
you sweetcned your coffee with the
same sugar you sold me yeste rday."
A Jacksonville Professor once affixed
this notice to his lecture room door
prof. will meet his classes on the
4th inst" A wag scratched out the Sc
in classes so that it read "PrOf.
will meet his lasscs on the 4th inst.
The Professor, seeing the joke, made an.
other cxcision so that it read: "Prof.
- will meet his asses on the 4th inst. y
-Round 1abie
An exchange asks whether anybody
can tell any characteristic fact about
the boyhoOd of the political "BOss. v
Yes; he was the big boy who, when he
saw little fellow fishing, took the pole
away from him and said: johnny,
let me catch fish for you while you put
on the bait" And Johnny stood by
and wondered where the fun came in
N T. Herald.
A well dressed and very stylish wo
man stopped i'm a Cleveland restaurant
10 get her dinner, and the waiter. hand.
ell her a bill of fare and pencil t.
check of what she wanted. She made q
few marks Oh the paper and then hand.
ed it back to him with quite u flourish.
She had checked off the date, headlines
Of two departments and the price al
meals. She couldn't read and was toe
proud to say SD.
The darkies at the Atlanta union de-
pot were very much startled by tho APP
pearance of Hon. David Davis. As he
tumbled to terra firma one of the truck.
men exclaimed: Great Ian o. Tub!
What's dat?" don't AK me-" said an.
other, no less amazed. "Whar hit cum
fun You reckinP" ''Too hard agin.
Muster ben er sirkus busted sOmwhaI
down de road err dis ar fat man got his
sci d'scharg'd fer kickin' 'abou hisfeed!''
BY that time the apparation was gone.
-GeOrgia Major.
The "Owl craze" is worse than ever,
said New York taXidermist. That
great snowy owl, the largest and most
beautiful of the family, is worth 1875.
| have snowy owls rs low as $l5, $12,