News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-08-30
TERMS $3.50.

"Can you not send me one short mes
sage?" she cried.
"Great heavens, do not drive me tc
suicide" he answered. "Must I tel
you? The telegraphers are all on q
strike, and [ cannot, cannot do it,
''And will the strike never end?" she
pleaded.
"Not till Jay Gould joins the Saliva
ton Army" he muttered, between his
clinched teeth, and with groan he
leaps into the darkness and disappears.
THE PLANK ROAD REPRESENTATIVE.
A number of jolly railroad gentlemen
having finished some business they had
on hand met in a drug store to put a
soda water seal on the contract. Their
zeal in the interest of the barkeeper at
tractcd the attention of a tramp, who
promptly joined the party in their llba-
tions.
CHOW drink with the B. & o. !"
shouted one gentleman. and the glasses
were drained, the tramp getting his
work in little ahead.
''Let's have one with the G. B. & @. ="
yelled another gentleman, and the tramp
had wished that road success, and was
drv again before the rest of the party
had commenced.
"And one for the G. G. G. & IT,"
roared another. "Here, what road do
you represent?" he demanded, as the
tramp went for bootleg of beer.
"Gentlemen," stammered the tramp,
finding all eyes bent upon him. "Gen-
tlemen, [ represent every dog-goned
plank road in the country. Have some
free lunch with me p
AND that tramp was very full when
they got through with him. BRAKES
Magazine.
EQUAIIzING THINGS.
"There's lots of difference" sighed
Mrs. Jepson to friend the other day,
.sbetween courtship and marriage, isn't
there p
"Of course, but the difference should
be for the better"
'' Should be- and is are not always
hand in hand.
"Why? Aren't you happy?"
81 guess so; but it's so different
I'm what way"
"WelI, with another big sigh, ''be-
fore we were married, Mr.. Jepson vowed
he'd do anything and everything for me,
but now it seems to me that he wants
me to do anything and everything for
him, and Tn almost tired to death.
"Don't complain, dear. It's onl ly a
way the men have of equalizing things"
SUMMER RULES.
GAS to summer rules, L have dashed
off de folIowin', " said the president Of the
Lime-Kiln Club
T. "Doan' war obercoats nor Ober-
shoes nor ear-muffs doorin' July an Au-
gust.
2. "Hire cheap ham to cl'ar de snow
off yer sidewalks, 50 as not to oberheat
yer blood.
3. 'L.et de ole woman split de woo5
all de chilPen hoe dc garden, an doen
Iet IIvDo>Iy ,,~--- : 80 -
,,,iza of fifteen cents.
f-1. ..Hang out late nights, lay abeo
late in de mawnin', pick up yer meals at
beer saloons, an talk huff polyticks tc
keep de blood circulatin'.
;. "SIidin' down hill, skatin', an
snowballin' am dellyterio1s to the health
in midsummer. y Detroit Free Press.
A SAD CASE.
The disrespect shown American moth
ers by their daughters has almost be-
come proverbial. Not long since an
Austin lady, accompanied by her eight
vear-old daughter, was invited out to
tea. In passing cup, the aged mother,
whose hand was shaky from age, spilled
a little tea on the table cloth, where
upon the daughter remarked loud
enough for everybody at the table to
hear it:
81 wouldn't have brought you along
if I had known you were going to ACT
that way. TeraS Siftj'lgs.
sPonING HIS ROOT BEER.
"BOSs, Will you tell me no" to Hl"h'
root beer?" asked a colOred man of 6
clerk in a Woodward avenue drug store &
day or two ago.
"Why, yes I can. Take hickory
stick, three gallons of water, an old hat
quart of molasses, a paper of tacks
and a pound of cayenne pepper, anc
boil, skim and set in cool place" "
"Say dat agin, boss, so 1 can disre
member"
The clerk repeated his directions, an'
the customer brought his fist down OF
the counter with the exclamation
"I sees whar' I spilled my hull batch
[ left out de tacks !''-DetrOt Fire
Press.