Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1883-02-15

rHE BAD BOY RELATES SUNDAY ExPERI-
ENCE.


kNCE-
IPeck's sunl
"Wha, was the health officer doing over
to your house this morning ?" said the
grocery man to the bad boy as the
youth was firing frozen potatoes at the
man who collects garbage in the alley
They are searching for sewer gas and
such things, and they have got plumbers
and other society experts till you can't
rest. and | came away for fear they would
find the sewer gas and warm my jacket
Say. do you think it is right, when any
thing smells awfully, to always lay it to a
boy p
well. in nine cases out of ten they
would hit il right, but what do you think
is the trouble over to your house.
honest 2"
"S-h-h Now don't breathe a word Of il
to living soul. or am a dead boy You
see was over TO the dairy fair at tn. ex-
position building Saturday night. and when
they we're breaking up. me and my chum
helped to carry boxes Of cheese and firkins
of butter, and cheese man gave each Of Us
a piece Of limburger cheese, wrapped up in
'h''iAi'% 'pthct t'tNt'
and It made me tired. Oh, it was the otfules,
smell ever heard Of, except the smell when
they found a tramp who hung himself in the
woods on the Whitewash bay road. and had
been dead three weeks 1t was Just like
old back number funeral Pa and ma
we're Just getting ready to "a to church, and
cut of piece of cheese AMI put II IN the
inside poke, OF pas vest. and put another
N the lining Of mas muf. and they went to
church. went down to church. too and
sa, on back seat with my chum. looking
just as pious as though was taking up a
collection. The church was pretty warm.
and BY the time they got up 10 sing the first
HYMN. pas cheese began to smell a match
against mas cheese. Pa held one side of
the nymn book and ma held the other. and
pa he always sings for ali that Il out, and
when he braced himself and sung 'Ju.t
a | am. ma thought pa. voice vas unctur-
ed with blliou,ness. and she looked At him
and hunohed him. and told hun to stop sing
Ing and b:raihr throIgh hl, nose, cause MS
breath enough 10 stop a clock. Pa
stopped singing and turned around kind Of
cross towards ma. and then he smellrd ma.
cheese, and he turned his head the other
vay and sad whev. and they didn't sing
any more. bat they looked a, each other a.
though thry smeilcd frosS When they
,ai down they sat as far apart a. they could
get, and pa at next 10 woman who used
10 De nurse IN a hospital. and when she
smelled pa cheese She looked at him As
though she thought he had the small poN
and she held her handkerchief to her nose
TIE man IA the other end Of the pew that
ma at near. he vas stranger fIom Racine
Who belongs 10 our church. and he looked
al ma sort Of queer, and after the minister
PRAYED. and they got up 10 sing again. the
man took HI, hat and went out. and when
he came b, me he sand something IN Il
whisper about female glue factory. Well
-ir. before the sermon was over eNeryD body
IN that part Of the church had their handNcr-
chiefs To their noses. Ani they looked a. pa
and INA ,candaluu~. and the two ushers they
cane around IN the pews looking tpr a dog,
and when the minister got oser ms sermon.
aud wiped the per,pIratIon of his face, he
said he would ike 10 have the trustees ~
the church stay after meeting there
business Of Importance to transact. Tie
said the question of proper ventilation and
sewerage for the church would be brought
up, and that liz presumed the congregation
had noticed this morning that the church
Was unusually full Of sewer gas. Hr sand
he had spoken Of the matter before, and ex-
pected il would bc attended TO before this,
lie said he was meek and humble
follower Of the Lamb, and was willing 70
cast his lot wherever the Master decided.
but he would be blessed If he would preach
any longer in church that smel!rd Ike
bone boiling establishment He said that
kstg
could enjoy religion a. well III fat-rendlng
establishment as he could IN flower garden,
and far as he was concerned he had got
enough. Everybody looked at every body
else and pa looked al ma a. though he
knew where the sewer gas came from, and
ma looked al pa real mad. and me and my
chum III out, and | went home and dis
irlbuted my cheese all around. ! put
slice IN mas bureau drawer down under her
underclothes, and piece in the spare room.
under the bed, and piece IN the bathroom,
in the soap dish, and slice in the album on
the parlor table, and piece IN the library,
in a book and | went to the dinning room
and put some under the table, and dropped
piece under the range IN the kitchen. |
tell you the house was loaded for bear. Ma
came home from church first. and when ask
ed " here pa was, she said she hoped he had
gone to walk around block to air himself.
Pa came home to dinner, and then he got u
smell a, the house. and ma put a comfortable
around her shoulders and told pa he was
disgrace TO civilization. She tried to get
pa TO drink some carbolic acid. Pa finall,
con, inced ma that il was not him, and then
they decided that il was the house that
smelled so, as well as the church, and all
Sunday afternoon they went visiting, and
this morning pa went down TO the health
office and got the inspector of nuisances to
come up to the house. and when he smelled
around a while, he said there was dead rats
in the main sewer pipe, and they sent for
plumbers, and ma went out TO a neighbor's
10 borry some fresh air, and when the
plumbers began to dig up the floor in the
basement | came over here. If they find
any of the limburg cheese it will go hard
with me. The hired girls have both quit
and ma says she is going TO break up keep
ing house and board. That is just into nv
hand. | vast to board at hotel where
you can hi spa bill of fare and toothpcks
billiards and everything. Well guess |
will 10 over to the house and stand in the
back door and listen to the mocking bird.
If you see me come fying out of the alley
with my coat tail full of boots YOU can bet
they have discovered the sewer gas"