National Republican., 1883-08-07

whiskey, Tar, and other Drugs"
IN reply to an inquiry as to which is the
best way to tell rotten egg, Rochester paper
says: "Ifyou have anything to say to a rotten egg
the best way is to use the telephone"
THERE has been found among Bedouin
tribe east of tho Jordan pieces Of skin containing
| portions of Deuteronomy and the commandments,
made about 800 years before christ.
POLK, the convicted ex-treasurer of Ten
| nessee is confident that the supreme court, to
which his case has been taken. will reverse tho
decision of the court below and set him free.
A GARDINER (Me.) man wills So, 900 to the
Methodist church there condition that II give
up sociables. 1t is believed that his matrimonial
alliance resulted from church socables.-Boston
| Post
REV. DIR. ARMITAGE, of New York, in his
sermon yesterday expressed his belief that Chris
| tians will know each other better hereafter than
| hey do now. A good many of them would rather
not.-LoweN Courier
| LADY poet asks, 81 How can tell him
| love him no more2" Probably the best way is to
| get him into an ice cream saloon. Eat five dishes
and then break the news gently. If he doesn't
accept the situation you had better try and love
him again. You could never do better.
WOMAN at White mountain hotel is the
owner of q very handsomely painted black satin
| Poioool, Whioh hocps OpcL NOV only OuL OI
doors, but in the house. She has 1t spread over
her head when sitting on the piazza, when
ing the hall, and even when ascending the stairs,
probably from observation-disclosures.
KATE FIELD appears to have wholesome
horror oflap dogs "When think of the pam
pering these creatures get and what nuisance
they are to travellers, and how the same amount
of care bestowed upon children would result In
untold benefit to mankind, I become cynical.
ha aH
properly distributed supply all the orphans with
homes"
ONE of those suggestive poor people Of
country town who always manage to give strong
hint of what their needs are recently said to
friendly vistor "Yes have plenty to eat and
drink, an plenty ofgood plain clothes but l want
fggered shawl dreffully to wear to church. An
I've prayed the Lord to send me one;" to which
the visitor dryly replied: "And did you ask him
to direct 1t to squedunk 2'-Boston Commercial
TRANSLATED from the Omnibus: The Mr..
Younglawyer dances with the daughter of the
house, who an ornamented fan of elephant bono
in the little hand holds. Her hot brow moves
the cooling to, when, Oshucks jostles neighbor
| on her, tho fan outfalls of her hand and breaks
into several pieces. "Gracous LADY," cries COM
forting the Mr.. Younglawyer, "if an elephant
were, believe you me, should from me instantly
tooth outdraw and for you a new fan thereout
| mako let!
AMONG the interesting political relics in
the estate Of Montgomery Blair are six large
| trunks containing letters manuscripts, and va
rious public papers left by Frank P, Blair, Mont
gomery's father, for the purpose of preparing his
life. The father did not take time to write his
life and left the papers to his son, who in turn
leaves them in their original shape. never having
had the time or inclination to prepare the book.
Among these papers many manuscripts given
Nl.. A., nl.au h.vA
SHE leaned her head upon his shoulder and
said, in her most insinuating tones "Charley,
dear, I've heard so much about dudes I want you
| to get me one." Charley smiled at her innocence,
but resolved to humor It, would you prefer q
French dude?" he asked. ~ think not" she an
swered, squrming coyly. "How would q German
dude suiI2" ~ don't think 1t would suit at ALL
| don't understand German" "Well, what shall 1t
be then?" II was her turn to smile as she said,
with an arch look, "a Yankee dude II do."-
Brooklyn Eagle,
A YOUNG and lovely American girl, on
alghtng from the cab in which she had ridden
from her Paris hotel to a fashionable shop,
handed the driver the exa act iare-a franc and
half Jehu demanded three francs. but the girl
who "knew her Paris" declared that the fare she
had offered him was the legal fare. "Ahl" re-
sponded Jehu, with glance and gesture of ad-
miration "but If has the responsibility of driv-
ing Il young lady alone the fare is double"
Whether or not the gallantry of this argument
availed the story does not say.
THE teller of bank in this city reports the
following incident: A German citizen approach
ing the window requested that check payable to
the order of Schweitzercase be cashed, ia, dots
me" he nodded reassuringy, in answer to the
telers look of inquiry, "But don't know that
you are Mr.. Schweiztercase You must get your
self identified" said the teller "How vass dot2"
asked the German citizen with puzzled look
"You must get some one to identify you" re-
peated the bank officer ~ don't know you" "Ahl
ja" cried John. "Dots all right dond know
you neidcr."
OF all the queer and sensational ANNOUNCE
ments made by the Salvation army sthose recently
issued in Port Adelaide Australia take the lead.
The hall occupied by the South Australian staff of
the army is spoken OF us a glory shop. Mon
ster Hosannah Meeting" held in this glory shop
is addressed by Happy George, Zulu Jim. and the
Boy with Hair Like Heaven. One Of the attrac-
| tions is "Ihe Struggle with Pies, Tarts, Cheese
cakes, Ham and Tongue Sandwiches, Bread and
Butter, Tea, Sugar, Milk, &C., OF which you can
have Full Supply by paying One Shilling each.
In the evening "Merry- go-Round" is held at the
glory shop, where some hot bombshells will be
poured into satan's Territories" monster SAL
, walton meeting is harangued by Ghost Of Halle
luJah Lasses In their Timbuctoo Bonnets." Tho
announcement begins with the startling head
ing, "Hallo Hallol Jackl What's upH Look
HtreW and winds up by saying, "Come, See, and
Get Glorlously Savedl Amen |" The officer in
command, who is responsible for this extraordi-
nary invitation to religious privilege, signs HIM
! self "Captaln Tom Gibbs, the Yorkshire Relish"
NEW YORK Commercial Advertiser: A hope
less case-The last strawberry crate....lt Is the
velvet lined contribution box that catches the
trade dollar. :. The TRADE against the trade dol
lar is faint the echo OF Tildens voice.
Fashion journals are making great hue and cry
about the new shades of "yeller".. 1.-The foot
and d-mouth disease is prevalent among those
+. Englishmen who have the gout and talk too
much. >. Presidential booms should never be al
, lowed to venture out unaccompanied by a nurse
and a bottle Of soothing syrup. The vllainous
punster who said that beer was Teutonic for him
will some day have his skull fractured by a
schooner =. =" Can a woman keep secret?" asked
deacon of one of the church trustees. :" oh, yes"
he replied; "she can keep it-going,"., "A man
I'm Modesto Cal bit Off the nose OF friend, lust
for fun" he said 1t was certainly very face eat
ous No nosegays please....A suspender COM
pany In this city has made an assignment. This
! may have been caused by the men who braoed up
too often with the same old pair, rock and rye.
, "A religious paper asks "Why do flies bite so much
s worse in church than anywhere ese2" Why,
simply because there they find 80 much worse" 20
bite. Ask US harder one, dear brother.