Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-09-11
BRIGHT BITS.

THE mosquito as a public singer draws
well. but never gives satisfactiOn.-BOS-
ton Star.
THE opening Of the oyster season seems
to have little attraction for us this year.
1t is the reduction OF tWO-cent postage to
which we editors are looking forward with
hope.-L0,eeU Citizen.
DID you ever think what you would
do if YOU had the Duke Of Westminster's
income: 2" Village pastor mo, but
have sometimes wondered what the
Duke would do if he had mine."-LOR-
don B0pttSt.
OUR cOlored brethren are holding a
camp meeting not far away, and one of
them, holding forth from the text, Chow
old art thOup' said in his opening,
Brethren, this am a question that must
be answered in the affirmative. Christ
ian at WOrk.
To prevent hogs from dying, kill them.
At least this is the latest formula adopted
by an exchange, which, speaking OF some
pigs that had been bitten by mad dog,
and become infected with the virus Of
hvdrophobia, says; "The hogs die in
twenty-fOur hours unless killed."-IecdS
SittiagS.
Two LOVERS in Milwaukee agreed to
commit suicide at the same hour the
other night. Next morning both were up
an hour earlier than usual to look over
the paper, and their disappointment and
disgust at such conduct on the part Of the
other was too deep for utterance.-DetrOu
Free Press.
"DoN'T like the bed?'i said the hotel
clerk, astOnished at the presumption of
the complaining guest; ''why, some of the
best people, some Of the hightOnedest
folks in, the United States, have slept in
it," Eyes, that's just the trouble" re-
sponded the guest; Il found last night
there were altogether too many big bugs
in it for the comfort OfcOmmOn people like
me."-BostOH Bldnbet-Sheet
A BACHELOR and a spinster who had
been schoolmates in youth, and were
about the same age, met in after years,
and the lady CHANGING to remark that
'.men live a great deal faster than
women" the bachelor returned, "Hes,
Maria The last time we met we were
each "A wears old. Now I'm over 40, and
| hear you haven't reached 80 yet" They
never met again.-GtdSqOic Ecening
Times.
CHORUS Of excited boys-"Then the
lightning struck you" Skipper indif-
ferently-"Oh, yes; 1 was leanin' agin'
the mainmast when it struck it," Ex-
cited bOys-"Didn't it kill yOuV skip
per. more indifIerently-"Wa al, no; it all
ran down my back" Excited boys
'And what did you do then|i Skipper,
most indifferently-FI had to haul oil my
boots and pour the lightning out on the
deck. "-Ltte.
How very good a bad man il
When he is dead
How sWeet the hours bad man knows
On bis death bed
Zen when he's hanged, his spirit flies,
Straight on to bliss,
Ahead of good ghosts on their way
The Throne to kiss.
Old Peter may forbid him sharp,
For Peters wary;
But here the bad man says, read my
Obituary!
''Iust see, sir, What il said by the
Great news reporter,
That's me. and every word Is true
And nothing shOrtero
The slow. good ghosts at length arrive.
They doubt their wits,
For there. high up. with crown and wings.
The bad man sits.
Louisville Courier-Journdl
A DUEL, in which an eminent pianist
was to have taken leading part is said
to have been happily arranged without
loss Of life or limb on either side. An al
tercatiOn had taken place al Paris cafe
between the said pianist and well known
man Of fashion, and it at last became so
animated that the latter offered the former
his card and accepted one in return, The
pianist waited at home the next morning,
but heard nothing from his opponent. The
day afterward he met him by chance in
the street and expressed his surprise at
what had, or rather what had not, taken
place. :" I asked you the day before yes
terday,r said the pianist's adversary,
{" for satisfaction, and yesterday received
it.v How so?'' asked the pianist, more
astOnished than ever. Instead of Wis
iting card you gave me ticket for your
concert" was the reply. Il went to 1t,
heard you play, ana was more than salts
fed.s-,St, James Gazette,