davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
Al Wonaan,s WAY.

Woman, IN reading q newspaper, has a
distinc method Of her own. She takes 1t up
harredly, aud begins to scan II over rapidly
as though she was hunting some particular
thing, bat ste Is not. She is merely ticking
IN the obscure paragraphs, which, she be-
lieves were put IN oat-of-the-way places for
the sake Of keeping her from seeing them,
Marriages and deaths are always interest
iag reading 70 her, and the advertisements
are exciting aud stimulating. Size cares hut
little for printed jokes unless they reflect
riaieale upon thu men, and then She de-
tights ia them aud never forgets them.
She pays particular attention to anything
inelesed Ia quotations, aud considers il rails
er better authority than anything first haud-
Ell.
lie column Ia which the editor airs his
ep.nians. in headed hifaiutip, she rarely
read. Views are II no importance ii her
estimation, but facts are everything. she
generally reads TIE poetry. She doesn't
care anything about Ii, bat makes practice
Il reading it because she thinks she ought
10 d. SO.
She reads stories and sketches and para
graphs indiserIminaiely, and believes every
Word OF tkem. After She has read an She
wants she lays the paper down With an air
Vt disappointment as She observes that
there is nothing III ii =
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
E,gH gAEJaE.

scroiulous, lnhcrited and Contagious npmers
exist as disease germs ii the blood Precipitation aud
other tiuids. Thus Tho Kidneys liver, sinmseh and
lungs are saturated with Impurities ana blood pols
ons cease 10 perform their full functions and the
patient slowly declines
seven million Pores eject the poson-aden perapi-
ration upon the surface Of the skin and scalp eaua
ing Itching, scay and pimply Hunoss, which
torture, dishguro Aud emhitterilfo
TEaE CuHBs.
CurIcuRA REsolyEYp, the rev blood purifier,
destroys the disease germs which Goat ~ the bloed
urlno AMI Precipitation, ard oNpeis them from tbs
system, Tho siial organs age sgain nourished ailh
pure blood The eaase Is removed.
The Respiratory Fluid, robbed 81 lts poison.
cesses 70 initiate and nfeme tie s6in IN Its passage
tirosgh the Pores Meanwhile tile CHTcuRA ana
curicvaA SOAP, the great skin Cures, cleanse tho
sAin, clesr the casnplsAiop and restore Tho SKIN
ami Scalp 70 perfect health ard party
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
The Lawyer Didn't Lose Anything.

tbek e4t EAta TteSs.l
Speaking Of curious Condolences" said
lawyer who had business in the City Hall
yesterday, 4 think have the most curious
ease on the boards What is is?n "One
day last week woman came to mo and en-
gagged my services TO file bill foT divorce. l
hSda'l got through With her when her hus-
baud came IN to secure my services for the
same thing They we're Of tie same age,
had the same grounds. and had not met be-
fere Tor months .sAnd YOU took both
casesa" 'Oh, no, that would have looked a
little queer" Then you sent one to anoth-
er lawxer?' "0h, no, again. an not fur
nishing clients 10 other lawyers. ! saw that
VAS IN fix, and that must do something
10 prevent one or the other from consulting
another attorney. and 50 / acted as 4 medic
TOR and advised 'em TO Settle their trouble
and live together, which they have done
"Whal! You advise 4 settlement and lose
your feeF' Not exactly replied the law
ser as he ssroked bis chit. ssIcharged twice
as much fof the advice as for securing the
divorcesl'
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

fensc, although The opportunities Tor otfe %
are obviously numerous The lecturer and
contributor TO Punch says q himself u
never stain my pages with even mild pro
faulty. Ia the itsl place Il is wicked, and
Ia the next IL Is not funny Strange THAT
SO many would-be WITS lack wit 10 discern
this nuisn! Another sentence Of Auemus
Ward Is IN itself an answer TO dozen Inger
soil lecturers:
Are yoa preacherg says the royal
duke, slltely salkastical.
:" No sir But bleeye Ia meetin houses
SHOW me place whore there isn't any
neetiN' houses and preachers is never seen,
ana I u show you place where old hats air
stuffed into broken Wi1ders, where the ellii-
dfeu are dirty and ragged, where gates haga
no hinges, where the mimlnen are slpehed,
and wliele maps 81 the devils Wild land air
painted upon meas shirt huspns with t.
baee0 joOcei That's what I'm show yon.
Lei rs consider what the preachers do for as
before we aboose en-
Ariemns Wards private life was spoilesa,
and his personality most engaging. The
writer resides near the birthplace at Water
ford, Me-. of the boy Charles Farfar Browne.
| find that the testimony of men who were
bis schoolmates accords with that published
by intimate associates Of his manhood, to
wit, that with all his Unborn love Of merri-
ment and OF adventure, lie was exceptional
ly pure minded, considerate, and unseliish.
He sought not to WELD his wit at cost Of aus
others pain. He was devoted sou. He
would talk 10 his friends Of his mother as
ether young men talk of a sweetheart. Mrs.
BeoMne yet lives at Waterford, and wei
comes eaery visitor who comes to honor the
meinoly Of her SON. Artemus Wards ca
teer was pataelicaily brief. Printers ho in
q dozen New England villages and cities,
editor IN Toledo aud Cleveland, lectnterand
traveller over the hand, at the age 81 20 he
Mas the NEST popular humorous speaker Ii
America. lie crossed the Atlantic, aud bis
success IN London seemed bonndless. But
meantime lie was rapidly wasting with eoh-
sumption, and his face tuiAied with his
heart homewsud aud uorthernwaid. But as
he was about e,nhafking at Southampton he
died-March Q, lS67--haying moi completed
his 3lst year.
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
Mrs Carlyle's Experience with Ser
want Girls


Jane Welsh Carlyle has good deal to say
about eating Ia her strong, raey and bilious
" constituted letters In one she says,
with candor that would shock whole
community Of American women, 81 ate my
cold fowl and drank little brandy and wa
ter and just touches on epicur.an feasis
like this; II came In jass IN time to change
my dress and rest before dinner at three--a
dinner always very good 70 eat and Of pasfi-
arcbal simplicity; always strawberries aud
cream ad libitum.' She had also a time
with girls, one Of whom lie thus immortal
ICES: "Mr. Carlyle always speaks Of her as
that horse that cow that moon calf
but upon my honor It is an injustice TO tie
horse--the cow-ihe mo9n-caf. a thing
that nobody before her ever did in all the %
or 20 years have lived In The house was to
upset the Kitchen tablet and sInash AT one
stroke nearly all Tie tuinblers and glasses we
had, all the china breakfast things, q crys-
tai butter glass, ciYsial Hover vase. and
ever so many jugs aud bowls. There WAS
whole washing tnb full u broken things!
Surely honesty. sobriety aud steadiuess
must have grown dreadfully scarce qualities,
that one puts up with such cook, especial
ly as her cooking is as careless AS the rest Of
her doiBgs. No variety is required " her
ard she has been taught b0w 70 do the few
things Mr.. G. needs. She can do them when
she cares 10 take pains; bat every bird day
or 50 there comes up something that pro-
yokes him into declaring That brute will be
the death Of me; It ID really too bad 10 have
wholesome food TUNED 10 poEon.'"
Perhaps one could hardly expect a wom-
ac
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
Miss ELL h0g
BLN0n PURIFIERS ANO SKIN REkNTIFlERS

nlsagurng EImnora, Illuminating Esuptons Itch
Ing 1orturoa, serosula, salt Rhoum Rrysipeas,
lnfantile and Birth Humors, and all Blood, Skin
and Scalp Affections ntallibly cured BY the CGrl-
cuRA REMTDiiis.
UurlounA REsoLyENr, the new blood purifier,
cieanscs the blood and Precipitation Of poisonous Oh
omenta and impurities and thus removes the caase.
oufIounA, tl5 great Skin Cure, instan tly allays
Itching and Inflammation clears the Skin and Scalp
heals Ulcers aud Sores puri1es and beauties the
Complexion.
CuricpRA soar, en- eSqnisite Skin Beauti1er,
prepared from OrTlcuRA, 10 indispensable in treat
ing skin diseases and for rough chapped or greasy
skia, blaekheads, blotehea, and baby humois
CuricnAA REMnnnss arc absolutely pure, and
the only iufailible blood purifiers and skin beaati-
tiers.
] challenge any physician 81 any medical school
Ia perform with any ali the remedies Of lie phar-
lnaeopnsia The curos Of Blood and Skin Hnnors
that viii mako s0laly with the Gutlcura Remedies
Al Union PIX, Boston. ciIAs. MAIN, NJ. ID,
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
HARVARD UNIVERSITY

Examinations for admission to the College and the
Professional Schools are held every year in Cam
bridge, Mass. Exeter, n. H.. New York Philadel-
phia, Cincinnati, Chicago, St Louis and San Fran
cisco on the Thursday, Friday and Saturday follow
ing the last Wednesday in June fthis year June 90
% and 3O) The Harvard Examinations for Women
are held in Cambridge. New York, Philadelphia and
Cincinnati on the same DAYS.
Special students are received without examination
in every departent mexcept the Medical School.
Graduates Of other Colleges are admitted to ad-
vanced standing in Harvard College upon such con
ditons as the Faculty deem equitable in each case
For information concerning the terms of admission
the cost OF college professional course the
scholarships (255l and other beneficiary aid, the
studies IN each department. any other subject con
nectef with the University address the Registrar OF
Harvard University Cambridge Mass.
feo12 eod3m
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
Artemus Ward.
fchlaaao AdHanee /

Aremus Ward is d worthy companion Of
Irving, Holmes and Lowell, and molly ex-
ceis Mark Twain and Bret Ilarle, in that
his vii Is never impuesever immoral, ney-
er rreyerent His lecture on 'The Nor
mons" the London Times, quoted by Mr..
Haweis, describes as utterly free from Of
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
DERaGO.

The k'NkANNtb. ~ NJ EEbskEAN EOMW
A VARIABLE DIAGRAM for cutting and ft
~ ting DRESSES for LADIES and CHILDREN
AZ well as an GARMENTS depending from tho
shoulder. Tho Diagram very simple, being all fig
urad, 1t IL adapted equally 70 PROFESSIONAL aud
HON n usO with printed EXPLANATIONS: and Il
especially arranged for beginners. 1t can be learned
perfectly with less practice than Ia required BY any
other SYSLEM. IL is also based upon the original
tailor system. Full Instructions given Gu and after
Jan. 10th, at the MILLINERY store of MRS A.
L. NASH, 463 Congress St, Portland, Me.
MRS. NJ. Il. ALLEN Gen. Agent.
AGENTS WANTED. feblOeod3m
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

SoME chronological expert remlndsss that
the Washington monument busiuess began,
By preliminary Get Of Congress. centnfy
ago this year. aud yet the patriotic job is ia
q condition Of shameful incompletion. The
fact remains, however, that we use a mil
lion feet Of lumber annually IL the manu-
faeture OF base ball bats.
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

A DEMOCRATIC editor who IS vigorously
pushing Mcdonald for President obiecls 70
Senator Edmands as Republican candidate
on the ground Of his advanced age, McDon-
ald would be as old as Edmunds If, ike
crab, lie could walk backward tine yeats,
Mcdonald was born in 1919, aud Edmunds
in 1903
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
He PRESS.
FRIDAY MORNING, NAY ii.

We DO no road anonymous letters ana comnunl-
cations I he name and address OF the writer are IN
all cases indispensable not necessarily for puNea-
ton but as a guarantee of good faith
We cannot undertake to return or preserve COM
municstions that are not used
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

The Iroquois Club Of Chicago came out
SIS short on its now celebrated banquet, the
expense report shows. It had ''mililons In
it, nevertheless, as a timely contribution to
The funny side Of politics. A man would
have 10 be mighty meau not TO admit that
Carter Harrsons speech alone was waslli
twice The money.
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
Wonderful Cures.

WIN Mcdonald. 2642 Dearbon ST., Chicago crate
fully acknowledges a cure Of Salt Rheum on head,
neck, face. arms and ega for seventeen years; not
able q move except on hands aud knees Tor one
YEAR, not allie to help hles0f for eight years. tried
handfeas ol remedies, doctors pronounced his case
heliiess; permanently cured By the cpTicraA REM
cbas. Easrs lIlgkse. Jersey City fiolghts, n T.,
lad years. who, for eight yeara, was ono mass
uf Scabs ana Huu0re. and upon whom an known
remedies and we're tried ia yasn complete
II cured By CrTlouisA kEMnnIEs.
+, 1t. Drake, Eeq Detriot, Aiieh.. suffered untold
tArtnres from skin Disease. which appeared on HIS
hands, head and face, and neal ~ destroyed his eyes
After the most careful doetnIinH and consultation
81 physicians failed 70 relieve him. he pssd the Gu-
TIeunA KEMEpIEs, aud was cured and has re-
inaned so 10 date.
j w Adams, Newark o crTieuna nfMEpIEs
are the greatest wonders ou earth; had The worst
ease Of Salt Ieuin ia the country. NY Mother
eUnA would have cured her aly arms breast and
head were covered for three years. which notiiae
relieved Until used these Remedies which COM
rletely cured me.
chas. A. Williams, Providence, Il. l., writes. The
half hos net been told % the great efltive POW
efs cf tho CuTItpKA REMEDIES. / haze spet hun
aFeds Ut dollars fer med enes ~ cure diseases Of
The blood anu slim and never found anything yet
to equal them
e-s lJsseassf 81 the skia and Blooa and nor h
tHFe IAegi q fia-pege Bory illustrated with pGies
drawn and c0lQied from actual cases III skin Scalp
and Bleed Diseases, Cured, and containing 4 hua-
dred testimonies, mdiled for q cclts ia stamps.
Potter Drug and Chemical Co., Boston
d4fF&4w4tl7
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11


THE zeal of the New York World to prove
that the Democrats Of the country with one
consent proclaim that protection is a "hy-
dfa-beaded monster which must be crushed
by '.march upon it 10 the open field, = is
worthy Of cause more likely to prove sue
cessful. II quotes the opinions Of "a NUM-
Der Of leading aud representative Democrats
throughout the Northwest who repeat the
s'hydra-headed" phrase, and that sort Of
thing. But the World must know that 10
the control Of the Democratic party the lit
tie fingers of "Sanv Randall and "BilP'
Barnum and "Ben" Butler and ''Bilf' Eaton
and DAM Voorhees, and "Carf' Harrison
and joe Brown are thicker than The iolns
of the representative Democrats" Of the
Northwest, with Henry Watterson and the
World itself thrown in for make weights.
Ii was long ago matter Of colloquial re-
mark that ''the Dutch have taken Holland"
but that they should ever take the world
BY surprise-and institute anything SO pro-
gfessiye as an International Exhibition is a
matter which, had it beeg mootei decade
since, would have been hooted down by
shouts of inextinguishable laughter. The
sturdy Dutch burghers, however, will doubt
Jess hold their own in the category Of indus
trial shows for they haze the merit Of being
very sure If they are notably slow in all their
undertakings. If there shall be as much
breadth in The scope 81 tie Amsterdam ez-
position as there - ia the average Dutoh-
man neither garments, Il sill be expansive
enough to meet all the requirements OF the
age We live in.
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
EDUCATIONAL.

Mass. Institute Of Technology, Boston.
Regular four year courses in Civil Mechanical and
Mining Engineering, Architecture Chemistry Phys
les Natural History, etc. Students are also admit
ted to partial or special courses School Of Mechanic
Arts Tor instruction in English, French, Drawing
Mathematics and Shopwork. Next school wear BEGINS
Sept "A, 1888. Entrance examinations Nav 81 and
JuneI, Sept. Is and 10 at 8 A. NJ
ROBERT II. RICHARDS. Secretary
FRANCIS A. WALKER, Pres. apr25W ,S4w
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

THE Rome journals show that re-
sumption of specie payments was eff
fected in Italy without friction, without the
seinblance Of a scare. as easily as it vac ac-
complished four years ago III The United
States. The Government had been prepar-
ing for the great day for many months, The
people-those, al least, who knew the differ
ence between paper money and gold and sill
YER understood what was coming, and there
was no sign Of run" But the occasion
was anticipated with some trepidation. Il
was feared that there would be great rush
for redemption, and the banks had extra
guards on daty. As 1t turned out only a
few thousand francs we're presented for re-
denption, either at Rome or elsewhere Ii
the country, and now people generally seem
to prefer paper to coin. This is our expert
ence over again. The signor Magliani, the
Finance Minister, is TO be decorated. and
perhaps given statue, in honor Of his sue
cessful achievement
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
VITAL UESTI0yS!!

AK the most eminent physician
o ans school, what Il the lest thing In tie world
for 4niesing and allaying al irritation Of the
aid curing ali forms Of rvoas complaints, giving
natural, clhldiiks refreshing sleep always?
AMI they uili tell yeu unhesitasingly
some form Of Horst,
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

A BIRMINGHAM firm has just received an
order from Barmah for 1000 glass gods,
and as there viii be handsome profit in
the trade there is not aIittle chuckling. This
business is by no means new. British idols
of brass and glass have long been in extraor-
binary demand ia the East. These images
are stuck in every conceivable place all over
The Buddhist temples Many Of them are Of
large size. The times Of new and full moon
are periods Of extraordinary devotion, and
the three months from July to October wit
ness continuous ceremonies. At certain
hours the images are salnted with crackers,
whose explosion, it seems, now and then
skaters the fragile pieces Of glass. If Birm-
ingham furnished the crackers as well as the
gods, its happiness in the monopoly Of q
thriving industry would be TOO great to find
suitable expression.
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

ANrE-BEILuM days are folciily recalled
by the announcement Of The death q Rev.
Josiah Henson, the original Of Mrs. Stoves
'tUncle Tom" The venerable eplorrd
preacher, hero Of nosel, and underground
railroad employe, was 81 years old. Ills
name was much more suggestive itiesn or
twenty years ago than it is now. Probably
no native American Of mature years, whose
reasiing extends 10 books is entirely ignorant
Of ''Fathes" Henson's story Of his own life.
or Of 'Uncle Toms Cabin, and, tmtunate.
ly, few persons, North or South, would be-
glad to soc the return Of days in which eilh-
err s'ery could be told with any degree Of
truth
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
CHAPTER /.

tHAP1fHi.
ask any osiali OF the most eminent physltiana:
'swhat is the best AMI only remedy that can 10
relied on to cure an diseases Of the kidneys aud url
nary organs; such ~ i3rghts disease diabetes re-
teutim Inability 70 retsin urine, aud 81 the
diseases and ailments peculiar 10 womon''
"snd they III tell y7u explicitly ard emphati-
ealy 'Buehu"
Ask the same physicians
what is the most reliable and furest cure for all
liver diseases dyspepsia. constipation, Indigestion
biliousness malarisl fever, agne, &c. and they
viii tell sou:
Mandrakel or Dandeliong'
Hence when these remedies arc combined with
others equally valuable
And compounded into Top BltterF, such Won
deffnl and mysterious curative power is developed
which Is 50 varied IL its operations that no disease
or III health possibly exist or resist its power,
and yetitis
Harmless fgr the most ffail woman, weakest in
valid or smalest child ouse.
CHATTER IT,
Patloats
almost dead or Dsary dyluQr
F5ry ars, and given up by phislcinns Of Bright's
and other kidney dresses liver complaints severe
coughs called consumption. have boen cured.
Women gone nearly crazyi
FROM agony II neuralgia. nervoutness, wakoful
ness and various diseases peculiar to women.
People drawn out Of shape from excrucntng
pangs Of rheumatism.
Inhammato'y AMI chronic. o. suffering frcuscrof
ulsi
Ifyslpelasi
Salt raepm, blood poisoning. dyspepsia lndges-
ton, aed IN fact almost All diseases ffail
Nature if heir 10
Have besli cured BY Hop Bitters proof d which
can be founi in every ndghboihood IA The known
World arflcood&wimt0
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11

PRESIDENT WnIrE Of Cornell responds 70
the recent criticisms upon The management
Of that university with 3 letter declaring
that the funds have largely increased If late
years, that The faculty is better than ever
and that everything is goingon svlmmingly
He thought the alumni elected their trustees
not to attack the university, but to labor
within the board,
The Portland daily press., 1883-05-11
HOIER A. NORRIS,

PREACHER OF PIANO ORGAN and HARMONY
IL will be prepared to give lessons in Portland on
Mondays and Saturdays after pres emit date. Fer
particulars address 101 BATES ST. ewiston Me-,
or Stockhridge's Music Store City. mysdtf
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-02-15
Frightening Children TO Sleep.

A lady in this city overheard her
nurse girl the other night talking to the
little child she was putting to sleep, and
among other legends of the nursery in
which she INDUCED was this:
IF you don go right to sleep this
minute, a big, awful black bear, with
eyes like Goals Of fire, and sharp, white,
cruel teeth, will come out from under
the bed and eat you all u-pr'
The poor little thing nestled down
under the clothes and after a long sea-
son of terror fell asleep to dream fright
ful dreams of horrid bears eating her up.
That night when the stolid nurse had
composed herself in her own comforta-
BILE bed and put the light out, there
came sudden rap at the door, and the
voice OF the mistress called loudly
through the panels:
maggie! Maggie! for mercy's sake
get up as quick as you cam There's
fearful burglar under your bed, and as
soon as you get asleep he's coming out
to rob and murder your
At the word burglar the girl sprang
ScIcahillS lloil inc Dcu, TORE open tne
door and fell in Mysteries into the hall.
The lesson was even more instructive
than the mistress had designed; but
when the girl fears were camed she
said to her
"You did not hesitate to tell my little
delicate child, who could not possibly
know that it was a lie, cruel story of
bear under her bed; now, when treat
you to the same kind of a slumber story,
you are nearly frightened to death. To-
morrow you can 90 into the kitchen and
work; you are not fit to care for little
children. -
How many children are there who,
every night of their lives, are frightened
to sleep?
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-02-15
Remember This.

If you are sick Hop Bitters will surely
aid Nature in making you we'll when all
else fails.
Ifyou are costive or dyspeptic, or are
suffering from any other of the numerous
diseases OF the stomach or bowels, it is your
own fault if you remain Ill, for Hop Bitters
are sovereign remedy in all such COM
plants.
1t you are wasting away with any form
OF Kidney disease, stop tempting Death
this moment, and turn for cure to Hop
Bttcrs.
you :re sick with that terrible sick.
ness Nervousness, you will lind Balm in
Gilcad in the use Of Hop Bitters.
IT you are frequenter, or resident of
mismatic district, barricadc your system
against the scourage Of all countries ma
larial, epidemic, bilious, and intermittent
fcvers -by the use of Hop Bitters,
fyou have rough, pimply, or salow
skin, bad breath, pains md aches, and feel
miserable generally, Hop Bitters will give
YOU fair skin, rich blood, and sweetest
breath, health and comfort.
In short they cure all diseases OF the
stomach, Bowels, Blood, Liver, Kidneys,
Brights Disease. $500 will be paid for u
case they will not cure or help.
That poor bedridden, invalid wife, sister,
mother, or daughter, can be made the pic.
ture of health, by a few bottles of Hop
Bitters, costing but triAc. will you let
them suffer- (s)