davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
Won't Have But One.

MY po' husband is dead" moaned a
cOlored woman, IAN l doan' know
what ter do. Lady, won't yer please gin
me fifty centsp"
sis your name Caroline BascomP"
"Yessum, an, lady, fifty cents would
be mighty 'ceptable."
lis your husband named Rufep"
''De same, lady"
"Well, he's out inmy back yard chop
ping wood"
'Dat shows what fool 1 is" MUIR
INJURED the woman, but frightening up,
said: "Oh, means de husband what
had fore de wah. Ain'tyer got nogrief
in dis house fur a widow no sympathy
heah for oman what has lost one oh
her husbandsP All right lady; may de
time come when yer won't hab but one
husband yerself. "-ArkansaU Iraveler.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
Quite Natural.

A good joke was played upon the
photographer on the day of the snow
storm. Anxious to preserve lasting
memento of so rare an occurrence, Ia
Der brought his camera onto the side
walk and prepared to hold the mirror
to nature. In order to make the picture
effective, he marshalled into line some
dozen "gamins," who with snowballs
in their hands were to represent the
funny part of the business. When all
was ready, Gen. Taber gave the follow
ing order: Boys, when l say one, two Two
three, fire, let fly your snowballs." The
camera was all fixed, and the Generals
voice was heard from under the cloth at
the business end of the machine, calling
out: lone, two, three, fire." The boys
did fire, but with such deadly effect that
camera and operator both rolled over in
the snow
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
A Cheap Substitute For Birthday Party

Mrs. Moses Schaumburg mentioned
TO her husband that she was going to
get up little birthday party for Isaac,
their youngest son, but Nose objected
strongly. as it wonld cost too much
money, for cake, etc.
But" demonstrated Mrs. Schaum-
burg, 81 have promised dot little poy,
Isaac, l makes him some fun on his
birthday"
dot wash all right" replied Nose,
putting his finger to his nose, and wink
ing very slyly at Mrs. Schaumburg. II
tells you, Rebecca, how we makes dot
little boy Isaac much happiness mitout
any expenshes at all. You know dot
poy Isaac every night takes a dose of
dot vermifuge for worms, but he likes
dot vermifuge not Now l tells you vat
We does nit dot poy Isaac to celebrate
his birthday NIT. On his birthday we
gives him dot vermifuge not, and den
he wash better pleashed as if he had a
barty vat cost dollar and half for cakes
and dose udder foolishness. - ~ o.
Times
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
Prophecy.

Just before the great overflow in 1882,
John White, q negro ninety-six years of
age, came to the city, claiming that he
was sent by the Lord to warn the peo-
pie of great flood. He seemed to be
very sensible man aside from his hobby,
and preached several sermons, which in
point of clearness compared favorably
with the average orthodox discourse.
The flood came as he predicted, and the
old man became known as John, the
prophet.
Several days ago he again visited the
city to warn the people of another great
flood, which he declares will come in
August. When asked how the revela-
ton was made to him he said:
"Seein' de great 'struction caused by
de high water what tole about, 1 didn't
want ter hab nuthin' more ter do wild
dc business, an when dc Lord said,
John, 90 down to de Rock an warn de
people OBJ anuder flood / shuck my
head an answered.:
"Lord, can't yer get some udder man
ter do dis work, for Use gettin' tired OBJ
tellin' people of great c'lamities?'
."Go as / tells YER said de Lord.
Il shuck my head again.
"Is yer gwineP' said dc Lord.
II still shuck my head. BY dis time
! had got ter big tree whar dar was a
big puddle oh water, an de fust thing /
knowed, biff suthin' tuck me side oh de
head an inter de water went. / strug-
gled monstrus, but suthin' hill me down.
rs yer gwinep' said loud voice.
"'Tse gwine," cried way down in
side myself, an de suthin' let me up an
hcah is.
He visited the Arkansaw TraUcler
office, and relating his prophetic instruc-
tons, said:
''Dc Lawd also said fur me ter come
heah an yerse'f would gin me n dollar. :"
You believe that all which was told
you will come to pass, do you?"
"Oh, yes, sab; it's boun' ter.
"Wcll, in regard to the flood your in
structions may be all right and cminents
ly correct but there is mistake in re-
gard to the dollar. We have received
no such instructions, and until we do,
we cannot part with such n large sum of
money" and this part of the prophecy
remains unfulfillcd even unto this day.
--hrkdnsdw 1rdUeler.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
Outcome Of a Spelling School.

A graduate from the High School in
Detroit had call from country school
about 200 miles north of Detroit, says
the Free Press, and he went his way
provided with several written recon-
mends and a whole cart-load of enthu-
siasm. He found the school house to
be one-story affair made of logs and
large enough to hold thirty scholars in
case the teacher stood in the door.
When school commenced the score OF
scholars could only muster a geography
printed in 1913, an arithmetic few
days younger, dozen leaves of spell
Ter and the half of broken slate.
The teacher, however, went to work
to hammer knowledge into their crani-
ums, and he convinced most of them
that the world was round, and that the
sun neither rose nor set in that country,
when it came time to have a spelling
school. For convenience sake it was
held in big barn, and the turnout in
cluded everybody from the boy who
spelled "corn" the same as "horse" for
convenience sake, to the old man who
always put sin haist'' on his letters to
his brother in Vermont.
Itwasn't much of contest until the
last half-dozen lowered aloft. "Ca-
tarrh" and photograph" laid 'em out
by the dozens, and when only the cham
pions were left "Constantinople" floored
all but two like bolt of lightning.
Then came the word parasite" One
rendered it 'parrysight," and the other
gave it ''perrysyte," and when the
teacher shook his head one cried out:
1--WE writ that word over hundred
times, and / guess I know!"
''And I've seen 'em every day Of my
life for forty years, and don't sit down
for anybody!" added the other.
at is parasite" replied the teacher.
81 dispute it!'
$50 do l."
That's the way Webster gives it,
who's Websterp"
''Yes, trot him out"
Then the friends of either rose up.
In the shindy the teacher came in for
two black eyes, cracked rib, kicks in
the shin and bites on the ears, and the
minute he could get clear and over the
fence he headed for Detroit and reached
home in want of so many repairs that
il took two months to make him present
able. He had few dollars due him,
and he left change of clothes up there,
but he doesn't want to hear from the
directors. They may consider that he
has resigned, and any parasite desiring
the situation can have the vacancy with
out paying bonus.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
The Reporter's Work.

Or the inside work OF any business OF
profession the public is more or less
ignorant. OF all others it confesses its
ignorance, but of the reporters work it
conceives theories which are rather
amusing, but much more aggravating.
The theory that number of young
men are flying about the town gather
ing up notes, which some office man
clicks into shape" is very common.
Another common theory is that the
reportorial staff of each paper is turned
loose at certain hour each day to
find out what is going on in the city,
and that each individual one exercises
his own secret will as to where he shall
60 or what he shall do. Several times
day the reporter hears some citizens
say:
81 should think you fellows would
get all mixed up, several of you going
to the same place after the same thing, A"
happens around several hours after an
important and unexpected thing has
happened, by diligent questioning finds
out all about it and writes particu.
larly vivid description, some citizen
asks, ''How did you happen to have a
man there just in timee"
The most eXasperating idea of the
public is that time cuts no figure in the
reporters work
''Come around in the morning, Mr.
Smith will be here at o'clock, and he
will be glad to tell you all about it,
says the courteous gentleman whom the
reporter finds in Mr.. Smiths office,
and then the reporter wants to club the
courteous gentleman for not knowing
that Mr.. Smiths story must be ready
for the printers before l o'clock the
next morning. Does the courteous
gentleman think, perchance, that the
reporter is getting information for some
good, quiet quarterlyp
People are sure that the reporter goes
everywhere and sees everything. They
see him on duty at the theatre or con-
vention, and the impression is made
that his time is filled only by those pub
lie occurrences which appear to be most
pleasant and agreeable things to make
note of. The fact that he works from
four to eight hours longer every day
than the longest-worked man in any
other profession, and that therefore he
has not even time to attend to his own
private business, is not known. If it
were not that the work is full of variety
its hours would kill him in year.
These people with the queer questions
and the funny notions of newspaper
work are the ones who occasionally
come in contact with newspaper men.
There are some hundreds of men who
never made report for a newspaper,
who are unerring guides as to the value
of news. They are the men whom the
reporter meets every day, and from
whom he gets information-the city Of
ficers, clerks of courts, railway officials
and the like, who get every day enough
information to fill volumes, out of which
the reporter picks a few paragraphs or
q column. BY long acquaintance with
the reporters ways the informant comes
to know just what he wants and gives
it to him.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
He Got It.

A farmer hitched his team in front of
a business house on Grand River avenue
Saturday, stood for q moment to look
up and down and scratch his ear, and
then entered and said to the proprietor:
81 want to converse with YOU.
"What aboutp"
Chats the pint that bothers me, l
live out here about eight miles, and
have got through selling my Eaters and
am ready to 90 home. The old woman
told me to be sure and remember some
thing, but what it was l can't remem
Der. Perhaps, if we open converse
ton you may say something to make
me remember the article"
"Well, suppose we talk of the Eastern
question:"
mo good. Nothing over there to
give me hint"
"How about the recent horrorsp"
"Horrorsp Horrorsp" unused the far
mer Horrors would mean horticul-
tural, and horticultural would mean
flour. Can't be that, for we raise our
own"
"How about Congress?'
Congress! That would remind me
of Congress CATERS, but the old woman
wears calf-skin shoes"
Anything in the recent bank failures
strike youP'
Lets see: The cashier skips. Moth
ing in that. He is arrested. No sig
nificance to that. He compromises and
becomes again good fellow. Nothing
thereby again"
Rather moist day."
"Moistp Nothing in that"
1.-The new year is rolling on"
'Rolling-roll-hold on! BY the big
spoon you've hit it! Rolling-roll-
roller towels! That's it to dot! She
wanted six yards of roller towels, and
I'll roll right off and git 'em before my
head closes up on me again. Roll
roller-roller Observation-Disclosures
roller six yards-six roller yard towels
six towel yard rollers. "-DetroH Free
Press
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
POINT Out Your House"

This was a club Dialogue and its Sc
guel: Q.-What are you smokingp A.
An imported Havana. Q.@How
much does it cost? A quarter. O..
How many doyou smoke dayp A.
Half dozen. Q.-How long have
you smoked? A.-Thirty years. Adj
yice-My friend, with that amount of
money you could have bought house
on 9th avenue. The parties quilted the
Brunswick and strolled up town. AS
they came nearthe Windsor, the smoker
asked; Q.-You never smoker A
Never. Sarcastic query-Then point
ont your house.-Music and Drama.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
The Barber and the Bunko Man.

"A WOOL has got nine lifes und always
lants on his feet" said the barber near
the Cooper Institute, and then, he made
change for man, and helped him on
with his coat. When he came back he
added: 81 vas dinking of OSCAR Wilde,
Der Lort neffer makes WOOL mitout
daking care of him, choOst as He does
of dem leedle sbarrows vot CANT vail
by der grount mitout He found it ovid.
Id wood peen bedher for der goot name
of dis gundry if der Yankee dhievcs got
away nit der money vich dot chack-
but dot could not pc, for Heffen dakes
care of dem vich to dake care of dem
sellufs don'tgot some prains.
'.Dotvos sensible dings vot der Mar
quis of Lorne und his wife done, alretty;
getting PREDICTION of poddy guard of
soldiers to keep dem bunko men away.
Bedher der rest der Englishmen done
der same dings ven they come py dis
gundry."
The loquacious barber pronounced
bunkO "pung-go." He took advantage
of the fact that his assistant was sham
pooling man in further corner of the
room to tell this story:
you know dot monkey parberpy der
negst shair always tresses so vine like
der CLERK by hotelp Veil, he always
done dot, efen ven he lifted NIT his far
der in pennsylvania. Vonst he came py
Nye Yorrick on leedle sbree, und he
vos tressed poodiful. He ditn't know
Something's. apowd dem bunko vellers
any more as you Something's know abowd
der negst Wort of Chully. He vos going
down der Powery ven comes up a man
ind says: Hello, Prownp
az ton'd vos any Prown,' der barber
says.
".vot, ain'd you Pob Prown met in
Hot Sbringsp
"'No, vos Martin Armenian, of
Bottstown, pennsylvania der parber
says.
by chimmancddy, In dwo minnits
comes up weller vich says:
"'How you vos, Arnemann; und
your sister Lowcesa. how she vos, and
how gifts along der oft man" und he
dolt dot parbcr more apowd Bottsdown
rs de parber could found ovid in sixty
years.
my vrcnd,' dot parber says, Il been
extremely pleased to seen you, und SIM
You know my vanity more better rs
mineselluf viii YOU please lend me scflcn
dollar und halb, for baf pecn on a
sbrec und tond got cent left to get my
home back again already
He says dut bunko weller could nit
p fodder himselluf knock DOWN. T.
Sam
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
0mnsso Ghnrrh Airsrforg.
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH, corner Mason an,

FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH, corner Mason and
Ball streets.
SERvICEs-Snnday, Preaching at 1880 a. M,
and 7:,o p. m. Sunday School at II m.
Prayer Meeting, Thursday, at 1880 pm
Covenant Meeting Saturday, before the first
SUNDAY Of each m Sn1a, at TIo extended
T. S. Leonard. Pastor. Residence Park street,
north of Goodhue.
ington street corner of Williams.
SERvICEs-Sunday morning, at 1890, evening
at 1890 Sunday School at raj
Prayer. Meeting, Thursday evening, at 1880.
CHRIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH, Fayette Square.
Rev. b. +. Matrau, Rector.
Residence, the Rectory corner Park and Good
hue streets.
Services Sunday, at 1890 a. m. and 1880 p. m
Sunday School at II m. -.
GERMAN EVANGELICAL, ZION CHURCH,
Williams street, corner Of Park.
Rev. John M. Fuchs, Pastor. Residence, Will
Jams street next to the church.
Services Sunday at 1890 a. IN. and 7: go p. m.
Sunday School imme lately after morning services.
GERMAN LUTHERAN, Washington street, cor
Preaching every Sunday at 1880 a. m. and 1880
p. m. Sunday School after morning services,
Rev. Frederick Meyer. Pastor Residence, Will
ans street, next to the church
METHODIST EPISCOPAL, corner Washington
and Oliver streets.
Public Service Sunday 1880 a. m. and 1880 p m
Sunday School "a m. Prof o. e. Seelye, Supt.
Weekly Prayer Meeting Thursday evenings; at
the close Of which the Sunday School lesson for the
following Sabbath will be reviewed for the benefit
of teachers.
The seats are free for all religious services, and
the public are cordially invited.
The Pastor will be glad 20 be promptly informed
IL any of his people sick In trouble and wish
TO see him.
Rev. S. Reed, Pastor. Residence e4s Washing
ton street, north.
ST.. PAUL's CATHOLIC CHURCH, West Main
street.
Rev. James Wheeler. Pastor Residence, Main
street, third house west Of the church.
Services, every other Sunday, First Mass at $50
a. m. High Mass at 1910 a. m Sunday School At
"a m. On the alternate Sunday Mass at a.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
Ages of the World Rulers.

The Almanach says 1t Emperor
William, whose age is the oldest
of the sovereigns, and Alonso of Spain,
who was 25 wears old on mis- last birth
day, the youngest. Queen Victoria is
73, the Empress Augusta II, the Queen
of Denmark 65. the Empress of Brazil
GO and the ex-Enpress Eugene Sc.
The youngest Queens in Europe are the
wife of the King of Spain, who is "a,
and the wife of the King of Servia, who
is one year Young T.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
$1,000 Forfeit I!

Having the utmost confidence in itssuperiority
over all others and after thousands of tests of
the most complicated and severest cases we
could fnd we feel justified I'm offering to forfeit
colds, sore throat, influenza, hoarseness, bron-
chitis consumption, i'm its early stages, whoop-
ing cough, and all diseases OF the throat and
lungs except Asthma, for which we only claim
relief that we can't cure with Vests Cough
Syrup, when taken according to directions.
Sample bottles 25 and 80 cents large bottles one
dollar Genuine wrappers only in blue. Sold
by all druggists, or sent by express on receipt
of price. JOHN c. WEST & CO, sole propre-
tors, 1871 & 1873 W. Madison St.. Chicago, Ills. Sole
Agent in Owosso, e. NJ. BROOKS. DIP VI
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
The Difference.

''In our country" said the English
man, as he leaned back in his chair,
''before we marry we arrange to settle q
certain sum upon the wife"
"Yes, know replied the American,
''but with us it is different. 1t is after
we are married that we settle everything
on the wife and arrange to beat our
creditors"
''Haw! ] see. And how do the cred
itors take itp"
"They never find anything to take"
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23

A careful father was about entering
his library the other day, when he
heard some one inside indulging in
shocking profanity. He listened, and
discovered that the culprit was his Ia
year-old son. .'I'll skin himr' he hiss
ell, in an undertonc, seizing q small
cane aud bursting into the library. His
anger quickly vanished, however, when
he discovered his mistake. His son was
simply reading aloud one of Bret Harte's
dialect poems. Il Judqc.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23

The New York Times notes the fact
that ''all modern steamers are built
with water-tight compartments, and. as
n rule, every steamer that runs into an
other vessel promptly sinks. Thewater-
tight compartments are very useful
when mentioned in advertisements. but
for all other purposes they seem to be
practically worthless
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23

For sALE.-A new improved Home
sewing machine at very low figure.
Or | will trade for wood or hay.
INQUIRE at The TINES office.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
OLD BERKSHIRE MILLS,
DALTON, Mass, April 81, 'Sa.

DALTON, Mass, April 81, 81.
Mr.. Peter Lawler has been a resi-
dent of this town for the past seven.
teen years, and in our employ for
for fifteen, and in all these years he
has been good and respected citi-
zen of. the town and community. He
has had some chronic disease to our
knowledge for most of the time, but
now claims to be, and is, in apparent
good health.
CHAS. O. Brown, Pres't.
THE wonderful case referred tc
above is published in another column
and will prove ofgreat value to thous
ands of orr readers
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
CHICAGO. Rock ISLAND & PACIFIC


In
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23

The Colored Methodist Episcopal
Church has more than 100. 600 members.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-02-23
sCREAT ROCK ISLAND ROUTE"


ooMMoplous
the low rate o
Wvs ptvep
The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1883-02-14

The Right Of Instruction.
Port Gibson Reveillc.l

Port Gibson Reveillc.
The first article that caught our eye,
in opening the National Intelligencer,
sent us by Major Watson, of Buena
Vista, is the following:
PROCEEDINGS IN WISCONSIN.
Both houses of the Legislature Of
Wisconsin---the Senate by vote of 10
to 6, and the House by vote of AZ to o,
have passed the following resolutions;
Resolved by the Senate and assembly of
the State Of Wisconsin, That the course
of Hon. ]. L. Walker, one Of the Sena-
tors Of this State in the Congress of the
United States, in presenting and voting
for an amendment TO the general appro-
priation bill providing for government
in California and New Mexico, west of
the Rio Grande, which did not contain
provision forever prohibiting the in
PRODUCTION of slavery or involuntary
servitude in said territories, has violated
his oft repeated as well as his solemn
written pledges given before his election
on that subject, and outraged the feel
ings and misreprescnted those who cleo
ted him TO that station, and has openly
violated the instructions contained in
the resolutions passed by this body on
the subject of slavery, at its present SEES
sion; therefore
Resolved, That Mr.. Walker is hereby
instructed Immediately to resign his seat
in the United States Senate.
That was just n third Of century
ago, and at that time no one questioned
the right Of instruction.
The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1883-02-14
THE CLARION.
Railroad Economy No. /.


EDITORS CLARION: The question Of
Cheap Transportation is one Of vital i'm
portance to the people of our State, and
the more so as our products arc bulky
and cheap.
The Panic of 1873, from which we are
now emerging, induced rigid exami-
nation of the great question of economy
in the management Of our railroads, and
the result was material decrease in the
cost of operating, and justified a cores
ponding decrease in the rate of freight.
But it is questionable whether producers
received any Of the benefits which should
have accrued to them, as railroad man
ayers insisted that the decreased cost of
operating was justly balanced by the de-
crease in the volume Of business.
That the condition Of things has never
changed and that the volume OF business
has not only reached, but transcribed its
former limits, is certainly true; in the
mean time, the rigid economy which
necessity had forced seems no longer to
be required as the roads have all they
can do and the managers are consequent
~ deaf TO the camor Of the people where
products have constantly declined in
value, while the rates for freight with
trifing exception, is kept up--resulting
in tax upon our industry onerous in
the extreme. In the mean time, it is
greatly to be feared that our railroad
managers have abandoned that strict
supervision over all items of expendi-
ture,and are steadily drifting back to the
extravaganza Of Anti Panic days.
That the railroads must have compen-
sation equivalent to the necessary cost
of operating, with reasonable interest
on the investment, is admitted, but they
should be held to the practice of the
same economy in expenditure and dill
igence in management that obtains with
individuals in the conduct of their pri
vate enterprises.
A Quaker hat seller of Philadelphia
in the last century, was asked by gen
tleman the price of certain HAITI which
he answered one pound and ten shillings
the gentleman asked can you not sell il
for less, TO which the Quaker replied
as Iipe IcQnaOt afford to sell IL for tess. =
CATER your style Of living" said the
gentleman, "and live comfortably to a
reasonable profit, and sell your wares al
fair price" OBSERVER"