Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1883-03-31
nnEAKINa UP A LOVE mAToH.

"What'S the g QeaulleSt uEuk
you've got in stock ?' inquired a
young man with enough court plas-
ter, lint, and cotton waste on his
face and hands to clean up q loco
motive ready for it's next run.
"Can't sell no poison to sui
cides,n said the clerk. "Been in
fight ?" ,n'
"Pm no suicide, not much.
Pm just the liveliest man in the
CITY,"
"Want to poison some rats,
don't you? That's an old racket
that won't work In this empori-
um."
"No, / don't want to pizen rats.
But if you've got any triple extract
of strychnine or double concentra-
ted essence ofarsenic or three-ply fly
paper soaked in corrosive subllm-
ate, why want it. pm laying for
a goat, young man. Ever see a
goat, wild, untamed Rocky
Mountain goat with chin whiskers
and a big iron head ~ .r.e.,..
"I've seen a goat drawing boy
in little cart"
so. you've seen a tame goat har-
messed to a little red wagon, have
YOU; we'll, he amt the goat / am
iaying for. Look at that ear. Big
as six ears" Here the plastered
youth limped around the end of the
show case to exhibit his principal
scars and body wounds. 'See the
ridge of that nose? Got to have a
silver bridge put in there. See that
eve? Getting back into its socket
somewhat, but last night it laid out
on my cheek, and the doctor thought
one while he couldn't persuade 1t to
go back and sustain pleasant rela-
lions with the other one. I've
mashed one of the handsOmest girls
on the South Side. It's a regular
love match and her fathers as rich
as river mud, and he and are hav-
ing a regular fight over her, or was
| having that kind of set to until he
introduced this goat into the battle,
and now its kind of II three-cor-
nered duel, and so far the goat
is ahead. That's what l want the
dose for; / want to dose that goat
with something which will make
him lay down and gently kick his
life to the soft shining of the even
ing breeze; something which will
curl him up Ikea dead leaf rattling
IN a fence corner. The old man got
a thoroughbred English bull dog
when / first commenced paying
particular attention to his daughter,
| and it's many night I've let go oi
her hand and lit out over the gate
partly because / didn't have time
10 work the combination lock, and
partly because / wasn't acquainted
with that branch of the family, the
dog: but it wasn't many moons be
| fore / crept into that dogs atfec
tions. and he wouldn't bite me ans
ouicker than he would the cid man
himself. Well, the old gent got
onto the undue familiarity which
he saw existed between me and tht
dog, and when he couldn't seef
him on to me any more, and saw
| with pain that the dog had rather
outIiYed his usefulness, he sent the
critter out into the country, and go
| this goat on to the place, and there
amt no two ways about IT, one 0
us has got to die, and by criInus
l, don't feel as though it ought to b'
me, right in the prime OF life ant
solid with the girl. The girls JUS
as anxious as / am to aSsasSinat
the goat, as on one or two ditferen
occasions the sportive animal ha
boosted her up over the gooseberr.
bushes and up the front steps quick
) er than she intended. You. can
watch out for him, for he don't sta.
on the ground much, and is just a
, likely to come for you off the wood
!, shed or the roof of the porch as n
is to sneak up in the rear and shoe
you along the gravel path wat
: your nose throwing subsoil like
, snow plow. l believe that goa
crawls all over the outside OF tn
house and climbs trees. He ha
{ dropped me sometimes in my ter
l derest and most emotional moment
l-moments when l was burnin
| with eloquence, and / had to la
there and kick and swear, knocke
e out and paralyzed by the old man
goat. Well, that goat will eat any
= thing from quail on toast to week
!. washing, and if you'll just do m
up couple of pounds of Pul
i strychnine Pll invite him TO a pl
r mic which will shatter his nervol
It system and turn him into ghost.