Daily globe., 1883-07-22

when you are IN Rome you must do
as Romans do" as the American tramp
said when he squatted on the steps of
cathedral in the Eternal city and held ont
his hat.
Scene on an ocean steamer: Steward
You mustn't be sick on the stairs, sir. Suf-
fering Frenchman-Sacrebleu! And think
you [ am sick on your Gamme stairs to
make myself pleasure!
'Dont say entry Charles" said Mrs.
Culture TO her son; hall is much more
elegant" Next day the young man aston
ished his friends by speaking of Alderman
Shaughnessy's hall into Office"
Gent from city. "But where the deuce
is the scenery? What i'll thunder is there
to look at?' Farmer Indignantly. ''Why
the new barn. What more do you want
for $5 a week: Its perfect beauty"
The "spoiIs system" vas an old Roman
institution. Didn't C&ssius say to Marc
Antony, when he wanted to lure him into
the party fold, "Your voice shall he as
strong as any mails in oisposiDg Of new
dignities.
4 young lady, on leaving concert re-
Gently, expressed nor delight with tho ex-
Ce!ieut music, ard said that she was
particularly pleased with that piece from
the 18th Massachusetts" meaning Mozart's
''Twelth Mass"
& French lion tanner quarreled with his
wife, powerful virago, ard was chased
by her all round his tent. On beidg sorely
pressed, he took refuge in the cage among
the lions "Oh, you contemplate cowardr'
she shouted, ''come out if you dare!"
A western preacher whose congregation
had begun to fall of somewhat,had it iuti-
mated that he would discuss a family
scandal the following Sunday morning.
AS consequence the church was crowded.
The minister's subject WAS Adam and Eve.
A lecturer, di5coursing on the subject of
'Health,' inquired: "What use can a
man make of his time while waiting for a
doctor?" Before he could begin his ans
wer to his inquiry, some one in the au-
dience cried O1t: He can make his
Yillr'
A Los Angeles rancher has raised a
pumpkin so large that his two children
use half each for a cradle. This may
seem very wonderful in the rural districts,
but in this city three or four full grown
policemen have been found asleep on a
single beat.
And even now things go wrong in Dir
land! Scene: An Irish cabin. Pat is ILL.,
Doctor has just called. ''Weu, Pat. have
you taken the box of pills I sent you?'
''Yes, sir, be jaboers, have, but I don't
feel any better yet; maybe the lid hasn't
come off yet!'
Mr.. Higgins: Ny son Samuel studied
art in Paris for six years. Mr.. Raphael
dUmber: All, did he succeed? Mr.. Hig-
gins: Succeed! Well, guess he did sue
ceed. Why, sir, he now has the largest
bone. fertilizer factory in the state of Ohio
I call that success!
Deacon S. had little faith in special pro-
vidences. When oYertaken in the woods
by bear, and forced to defend himself, he
did not forget his doubt, or expect pro.
vidential interposition, but prayed in this
wise: Lord, if thou canst not interfere
in my favor, at least let US have an even
chance. Don't help the bear"
Incisive and dry, as becomes its nation.
ality, was the rebuke of the Scotch shep
herd to Lord Cockburn of Bonaly. Thai
uobleman was sitting on the hillside with
the shepherd, and observing the sheep re-
posing in the coldest situation, he said tc
him: "John, if I were sheep would lie
on the other side of the hill" The shep
herd answered: "Aye, my lord, but if ye
had been sheep, ye would hae had mail
sense"
An old but good story of Tom Ingoldsby
tBarham) is that he once entered Quak
ers' meeting house, and, looking around al
the grave assembly, held up penny tart
and said solemnly, "Whoever speaks frs
shall have this tart" GO thy way" sale
drab-colored gentleman, rising. $50 thy
way" THE pies yours" said Tom
squeezing the raspberry treasure into the
hand OF the pious rebuker, and walking
out of the assembly.
great lord and a gentleman talking
together there came boy by leading !
calf with both his hands Says the lorc
to the gentleman. tsYou shall see me- mol.