The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-11-10
THE PASTORAL GIMLET.

Once a city pastor was absent from
home for week. During his absence
the son of a member who lived out
of town died. He did not hear of the
young mans death until he returned
Then he was taken sick, and it was ten
or twelve days before he could safely
drive out and visit his afflicted parish
ioner. The first words which greeted
his ears were:
"Well, thought you'd forgotten
u.s.
And then the good woman sat COM
placently down to be consoled.
That is what l mean by the pastoral
gimlet; and it is astonishing how prof.
cient certain church members become
in its use. Thedelicacy in insinuating,
the deftness and grace in twisting can
only have been acquired by assiduous
practice. They know where it will go
in most easily; just how many turns to
give it before it gets down to the quick.
There are various scientific twists of
the gimlet known to adopts and to
victims.
There is the sarcastic twist. Hostess
enters the parlor and greets the pastor
thus:
"Good morning, DR.. A; really,
the sight of you is refreshing. Have
you found out at last where we live?"
There is the business twist:
"Do you know that you haven't
been inside our house for six months ?"
Persons, as well as mathematicians,
are painfully aware that figures can't lie;
so that this twist is peculiarly effective
one, usually transfxing the victim, and
reducing him at once to condition of
silent helplessness.
Then there is the reproachful twist
also very effective; tremendously so if
the twister can manage to start ''silent
tear"
Greatly, we began to doubt whether
we had any pastor. "
And once in a while we were treated
to the spiteful twist, in administering
which the operator or more commonly
the operatrix, is at no pains to conceal
her full intent, but drives the unoiled
gimlet in with steady hand; or, in
other words, gives the parson quite a
sharp "sitting down" on his short COM
ings.
The men who vince under this inStru-
ment are the conscientious pastors who
are forever haunted by the vague sense
of work in arrears, and constantly tor
mented with self reproach because they
do not bring it up. The gimlet is a
terrible thing to such an one. He
knows the gimlet house as we'll doctor
knows where smallpox is. He braces
himself to visit them once or twice a
year. He says, jocosely, to friend at
the gate:
"I know there is a rod in pickle for
me here. -
He sits down to his work very much
as if he were going to have a tooth
filled, meets the twist of the gimlet
without betraying his inward writings,
kneels down and prays with the sinnlet-
Gtweezers. and rises to his feet to meet a
parting thrust, as thus:
CHOW that you've found the way
here I hope we shall see you often"
And as heg6es down the steps he
looks into his book, and seeing that the
next place on hfS list is also gimlet
house he says to himself:
''Not to-day; one day is all l can
stand"
You cheerful, sunny, sympathetic
souls, God bless you, who perhaps excite
the jealousy of your neighbors because
the minister "drops in" at your houses
so much oftern than theirs, does 1t
never occur to you that he comes almost
as much for his own sake as for yours,
because he knows you always have oil
and wine in your casks for the wounds
of the gimlet?
Now, ye gimlet-twisters, ye pastor
perforators, lift up your voice and an
swer, What do you want pastoral visit
for? Do you want to talk with your
pastor about your temptations and
trials? Do you want instruction on
some question of Christian experience
Do you want to discuss some scheme OF
Christian enterprise? Not you! No
lawyer is more adroit in turning the
conversation the moment it takes any
such direction. Let the pastor take up
the gimlet in his turn, and probe your
heart, and lay bare your poor, starved,
stunted religious life ; let him then tax
you vigorously with your absence from
prayer-meetings or Sabbath worship,
and you will not complain of the pas
toral visits. The truth is, you do not
desire counsel nor comfort nor Christian
communion, but attention. Your pas
tors absence wounds your pride. You
care little about his doing the work he
was especially called to do for you, but
you are vexed because he does not con-
cede more for your importance. You
are not thirsting for living water, but
for the tacit hattery of attention, thus
seeking to convert the messenger whom
Christ sends with living bread to your
home and heart into administer to youl
vanity. The people whose hands are
idle, whose purses are shut, whose voice
are against every enterprise which in
wolves sacrifices and labor are people
| - go ,,,oe+arc Of the Oimlet