The Elk Mountain pilot., 1883-06-14

suppose you can print visiting cards
on it,"
eyes, Mrs. Spoopendyke, l can, -
said her husband, in a softer tone, and
j he grew in a much better hua,or as he
proceeded to show his wife the press
and exhibit his dexteri,y in the use OF
the type and the press.
At last he got his worthy helpneet's S
name set up in type. and proceeded to
put the chase on the press with grand
flourish. But in an evil hour he had
forgotten to key it up. and at a touch
the whole besiness went to pi, and at
the next fell in confused mass all
over the carpet.
"Why, what makes it do that, I"
said Mrs. Spoopendjke, laughing.
"What makes it do what, Mrs. So"
sneered her husband as he hit his
head on corner of table in a mad
dive after the type. "What dye
s'pose makes 1t do it What makes
anything do anyth'ng.7 If l had your
talent for asking idiotic questions I'd
&c; glass Of beer and lhree-inch
papec collar, and live out as prose-
cutting Attorney"
By this time the worthy gentleman
had got the name set up and secure y
fastened and was printing with great
gusto but he had, unfortunately, set
the types in wrong order. and the first
eight perfumed visiting cards came
out like the following:
.ekydAep0QeS .srM
When Mrs Spoopendyke saw it she
set up little scream, ooh, isn't that
funny, though? Wha, makes it wrong
side up?"
"Funny!' howled her husband,
with horrid derision, as he grasped
the situation. "It's perfect thunder
b lit of fun. It's the most delicious
humorous thing of the century. All
you need is an advertisement of liver
pills on the cover, and joke about a
goat on the first page, to be comic
almanac. With your appreciation of
.gnlor, all you need is Z broad gria
and $1,000 werth ofstoleo diamonds,
10 be @hc leading consdienne of the
Amcrl.an boards. Cart you see :he
mcasiy type's turned wrong? They
have only got 70 be turned around the
other way"
After half IN hour Of d!Iigent labor
the types were again IN position, Sc
curely KEYED up, aud pnt on the press.
When the hnal arrangements were
completed, MIR. Spoopenkyke turned
round to wink at the baby. and incau-
'lously left his thumb over the edge
Of the press. As luck would have it.
Mrs. Spoopendyke, in.her anxiety to
show her husband how we'll she un-
derstood and appreciated the press,
brought the lever down and the pres,
closed on that gentleman's thumb.
making. him jump four feet high, and
utter ali exclal,ation that would have
made the second lieutenant of a COM
pany of pirates blush. "Dod gast the
measly printing press" he shrieked,
as he smashed the base burner with it,
and then he threw it in the alley
Haven't you go, any sense scarcely?
Why didn't you go on with the enter
tainment ?. The measly thing only got
as far as the bone. Why don't ye
finish the chapter?" and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke danced up stairs, five at time,
with parting injunction. to his wife
to hire out for slaughter-house.
"Well," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, as
she picked up the baby, and put
pitcher of water where her husband
would. be sure to fall over it, when he
went down stairs in the morning, "it
we have so much trouble in printing
one word, l wonder how Mr.. Bennett
gets along with whole newspaper to
print. "-Stanlty Huntlty.
An Arkansas editor having retired
from the business leaves this clear and
satifactory explanation: SIT IS due to
the Dnhlic that sho,,1d mike full con