The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-04-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

The cat does not drink, vet il Is generaIIv
found dead in the gutter.-INew Orlean,
| Picayune,
"l'm always getting things mixed" A,
The man said who had hash set before him
thirteen times week. Boston Transcript
"a great change has come over me.
sighed the small boy ms he lugged home a
! nag lull OF pennies from the bank, New
York Advertiser. wv"
Gentleman to waitcr-"Bring me some
grammatical and typographical errors. "
Waiter looking puzzled ut first, but recoy-
ering ina moment his usual serenitv)-
| we are Just out OF them, sir" Gentleman
men what 40 you mean by keeping
Them on your bill OF fare?"-[Detroit Free
Press. wv
Man at observation-disclosures You Can't
you hearT hear you easy enough" And
there came through the Instrument these
remarkable words: "Should thint 'n vn",
might. You've got big advantage over
me. Just think of the size of yonr ear y
The man threw down the receiver with n
JERK and vowed that the telephone was n
olankety blank humbug, and he'd have the
m lhlng taken out to.morrow.-[Boston
Transcript.
A Cincinnati paper says that zone of the
most useful yet neglected of all the arts Is
that of lying in bed" After a Cincinnati
editor has been lying in the editorial chair
all day. perhaps two-thirds of the night.
we shouldn't think he would worry mich
ABOUT lying in bed. Lying in bed NAV he
neglected Mt-especially among tramps-
nut the mother who has to veil six separate
times III the morning to get her lI.ycar.old
hoy out OF bed will not believe it.-INorris.
town Herald. ''0''''
The sick mans face became suddenly H..
Illuminated with heavenly radiance. nm mn.
wonted light beamed from his ewes, and he
eyes, and he moved his lips as II he wonI6
speak His fearful wife ben: down her ear
to hear the last words that should mss
those lips which were 30 soon TO be stilled
forever; In faint whisper, but vet full Of
JOY ana peace aud hope, the diving man
murmured; u die happy | shall escape
Wy house,o'eanmg!' Then all was still,
Ills spirit had lled.-TBoston Transcript.
Young lady Of Denlon recently oh.
tanned Judgment before one of tho local
magistrates against former beau for SS
ine ail'Eeu value OF a piece Of jewelry-a
,uVSSt ur something OF the sort--which she
lag Ioaheu h,m' and which the young man
nNu 'ost or made away with, and refused To
return to the young lady. The magistrates
las, week issued an execution for The deht
and as the ouandom beau is possessed Of
some property, the young lady expects IN
recover tho amount Baltimore Day.
Say, say, Blobson!" WHISPERED por;r
Jay, nudging his neighbor at the opera.
mouse the other night. "See that vnnnc
man iiye rows ahead there, with the seni'
SKIN collar and checked ulster2 He's n renI
nuoleman, slr-iaCt. Come down fro,,,
Montreal. He's baron o--of-" Inst Than
me young man turned his placid asinina
ace and great vacant eye-glass in the direc.
ton OF the two worthy burghers. @Yes
yes-l understand what Won mcs, - &c &C.
i Burlington Free Press. >'''0''
,Atluence is always within the easy ranch
OF the British literary man. All bc has ", w
do Is to visit America, and 20 home 90, any
write book giving this bloomin' copn,ru
particular fits. This will Why msLyy
nm solid with his compa,riois
ana cause the,r 10 coma aow,
handsomely. Then, after wear or ,,y uoT hn
pays us second visit, and on returnny 40 40
nus native heath he writes second ben II
III Whlch he takes back all tho misre,,e
SITUATIONS, all the satire and all the lies IN
US llrst volume, and gives us tafIy ,ns,,.a
llis second book consequently takes bcre
as ms first one did over thsre.~fpaS,,n,n,
Transcript. univ boston