Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-07-12
PITH AND POINT.


SIN seer-The man who discovers
others transgressions.
PEOPLE say that blackberries are good
for the complexion; but who wants O
blackberry complexion.
If there is luck in odd numbers, why
is that when man has lost money he
always wants to get even?
AN economical woman after the death
of her infant used the remainder of her
soothing sirup to poison rats.
DEVOTE each day to the object then in
time, and every evening will find some
thing done. Goethe.
The mouthpiece of the telephone may
be perfectly respectable, but there are
a great many things said against it.
A NAN told his tailor that he wouldn't
pay for "that last epilepsy" 1t was
discovered that the man meant dad
fit"
Our slangy contributor says there is
not q disease known that will "get a
bulge on a man. quicker than the
mumps.
IT has now become fashionable in
Eastern cities to be married as early as
6 o'clock in the morning. This gives a
fellow long day to repent in.
AN Irishman once received doctors
bill. He looked it carefully over, and
said he had no objection to pay for the
medicines, but the visits he would re-
turn.
They are raising a row with young
man in New Jersey who was engaged to
marry thirteen different girls. It's get
ting so man can't have any fun at all
In that State.
THE old proverb, where there's a
will there's way" has been revised to
suit the situation. 1t now reads:
when there's bill we're away
Chicago Tribune.
COOPERATION is very economical
move, but it doesn't work well when
two women, who are joint owners in
fine hair switch, both want to go out
upon the same day.
A PENNSYLVANIA man has flock of
20 wild geese domesticated and swim
ming about in his pond. They do not
mate until years old, and have neither
divorces nor second marriages.
The question as to who is the hand
soonest woman in America is still in dis
pute, but thousands of girls believe
that if it wasn't for their freckles they'd
justly be entitled to that distinction.
A BARN in Butte county, Col, is ca
pacious enough to hold 1000 tons Of
hay and shelter 1,400 head of sheep.
The floor is so wide that an eight-horse
team can turn around in it.
A LoNDoNER one day by accident
saw the sun. "Eavens," said he, sow
they ave improved that there lectric
light" After moments pause, dur
ing which he gazed upon the novel
sight, he added refectively, "But 'ow
in thunder did they get it hup SO 'igh?"
"IF you will give me position in
your store / will look out for your In
terest. You can trust me-" said a
young man to an Austin storekeeper.
"Trust the devil! There is so much
stealing going on that have quit trust
ing myself any longer. "-Teras SUt-
ings.
The Austin medicant continues to
extort admiration from the oldest in
habitant. He loafed about the gate un-
til the proprietor asked him how much
he would take to quit the premises.
"AIl 1 ask is money enough to buy me
cigar" The gentleman handed out a
nickel do you want to rob me?"
asked the tramp, looking at the nickel.
"What do you mean?" at means I am
robbed again. I'll have to put another
nickel to that one to get me cigar. l
never allow myself to be caught smok-
ing cigar that costs less than dime.
-Teras Sutiaags.
Mr.. ToPNooDY came home in rather
dilapidated condition, and, as it was
past midnight, his wife was naturally
anxious. "This is pretty time of night
for husband to be coming home to
the wife of his bosom, amt it ?" she
snapped out angrily, from the bed.
"Not very pretty, my dear, if you could
see the streets once" he answered
meekly. What makes you all over
mud and slush?" she continued, taking
an inventory of him. well, my dear,
you see, when I got off the car, my foot
Slipped and fell in the street. "Don't
tell me that, Topnoody; 1 don't see
how you can lie so unblushingly." Il
never lie, my dear, without blushing."
Indeed, Topnoody, you don't, don't
you? Well l s'pose that is why your
face is so red all the time. I'd be
ashamed of myself if / were you, but,
thank heaven, amt" Then she got
up and blew out the light, and Mr..
Topnoody got ready for bed in the dark.
The Drummer.