The semi-weekly miner., 1883-08-18
THE UGLY MAN.
How Puggles Cornered a Party
of WOuld-Be Washers.

THE UGLY MAN.
How Puqgles Cornered a Party
of Would-Be Washers.
Now it came to pass that the train
that goeth by steam and glideth
along two rails of iron did whoop
along Eliza Jane; and within it sat
many and divers persons from all
) tribes and from all lands whose raj
ment was not alike and neither their
habits; For some did lop over two
seats and spit tobacco in the aisles,
and others did cast their gaze with
out the windows and view the
strange lands with wonder. And
the peanut boy did wander up and
down seeking whom he might de-
YOUR. And the fat woman with the
pug-nosed baby did finally overcome
her modesty and did give unto the
Dabe that for which he yelled, which
the same was hid under a shawl of
many colors.
And in the smoker there were
gathered together party OF travel
ing men who did smoke and sing
songs of great gladness and take
cough mixture out of the sample
case of liquor man. And they did
boast of their mashes, and did poke
one another in the ribs and did pull
out photographs and did compare
them land the same had they fought
at book stores, yet gave they not the
snap away And one did say: "Woe
unto the village maiden who gazeth
upon me, for my hair hangeth in
ringlets, and my teeth are as the
pearls of Ophir (Ky.) Mine eyes are
unto the lightning, and nay limbs
are shapely as the cedars Of Lebanon
and when open my mouth to speak
the taffy drippeth down as drippeth
the sugar-house molasses barrel On a
hot day"
New, this man who had spoken
did hail from Indianapolis and was
blow-hard of great merit, and
when Puggles (which the same trav-
eled for an Evansville house, did
hear him, he set himself about to
put him to shame. Yet wot he not
how he would do this thing, for Pug
giles was not handsome nor was he a
masher of merit. And while yet he
was thinking within himself a wo-
man did get upon the train and did
HE herself unto a seat in the last
Car. And she saw not the party of
travell ng men, but when Puggles'
eyes fell upon her great smile did
come unto his face and a great
scheme into his head.
And when the Indianapolis man
and the rest did see her, they did
gaze with delight, for she was fair to
look upon and comely to the sight.
And with one acaord they said:
she is? Wonder if she is on the
flirt?"
And Puggles said: "You bet she
is a daisy,ye methinks she seemeth
not ON the mash, even though she
traveleth alone. But to ye who are
mashers, now is the appointed time.
Modest am | of speech, and back
ward. therefore I will wait until the
last, but 20 ye one at time and try,
and to him who maketh the greatest
mash the rest will give each a box of
cigars"
And they said it was good, and did
begin with haste to "Ioach" their
hair and throw out their chews of
tobacco, and pull their boards that
the sandwich crumbs might fall out.
And they did go one at time into
the ladies' car, some for drink of
water, and some to find the train
boy, and some because it was cooler
Gn their minds.) And they did sit
nigh unto the woman and did cast
Sleeps eyes upon her, did offer her
books and peanuts and oranges, and
did offer to raise her window or fix
her seat. Yet looked she celdly on
them all and gave unto them no to-
ken. And they were cast down in
spirit and retired in disorder to the
smoking car.
Then said Puggles: "Verily, since
ye all have failed fear to approach
unto her, for if she looketh with dis
dain upon We who have beauty and
grace, truly will she gaze with anger
upon me who am plain and homely.'
And they did joke him and laugh
"haw-haw" and did say "Out upon
thee for a snide. Verify will she fire
thee out of the window, for thou hast
nothing to commend thee"
And Puggles appeared cast down
and 10th to go, but after he had COM
muned with himself he took heart
and said: Double the bets and I'll
try. If strike luck l want to be a
big winne", and if [ lose [ don't
care" Then laughed they the loud
er and did haste to double the bets,
and did bet him wine also, and hats,
and one did bet him ten broad pieces
of silver. And when the bets were
told unto the conductor he said it !
was good, and when Puggles had
told him to collect the bet and keep
half if he won, he said it was better.
yet saw they not that Puggles did
wink at the conductor, and that
while Puggles was fixing his hair the
conductor did approach the woman
to take up her ticket, and did mutter
to her in low tone. Nav, they saw
this not.
Now soon went Puggles in and sat
down near the men, and the travel
ing men did gaze with admiration
from the back windows of the next |
car. And he did smile upon her
and she did look coldly at first, but |
vet did not seem adverse to him, but !
rather seeking to know him better |
And soon did she smile back, and |
when Puggles did offer her an orange
she did gaze gracieusly upon him
and did make room for him beside
ber. And the others were astonish-
ed. But when they saw him take
her hand and press it and put his
arm upon the back of the seat and
saw that she did lay her mead upon
it as the sick kitten layeth up against
the hot brick, they were dumb with
amazement. And they plucked |
their boards in modification and
did pinch themselves that they be
certain they were not slumbering,
and did say with one accord, "wel],
I'm dulned."
And when the train had stopped at
the next station, the woman did arise
and hand her wraps to Puggles and
did hasten to depart from the train.
and Puggles did follow close after
with JOY on his face. And as he was
about passing out he whispered unto
the others: 'She Says [ may go
home with her and tarry the night.
Pay the bets to the conductor.
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