The daily Cairo bulletin., 1883-09-26
WIT AND HUM0R.
AT ten a child; attwenty, wild;
AT thirty, tame, II ever;
AT forty, wise; at fifty, rich;
AT sixty, good, or never.


zled.n
An editor offers reward Of five dol
lars for the best treatise on "How to
make outdoor life attractive to the
mosquito.
A cotemporary mentions a case be-
yond the ordinary oculist. 1t is that OF
a young lady who, instead OF pupil
has college student in her eye.
An illustration of stinginess is cited
by writer, who knows a man who
talks through his nose in order to save
the wear and tear of his false teeth.
Mr.. John L. Sullivan belongs to the
Concord School of Philosophy. AT any
rate, there is peace and concord when
he is around
An exchange says that chickens can
be bought in Florida for four cents
piece. 1t doesn't say how big the
pieces are.
A not wholly unobservant young
man in Lowell gave his intended an en-
gagement ring, on the inside of which
was engraved the legend: "ln time of
peace prepare for war. "
Oscar Wilde says the American girls
have a good deal of common sense,
And in view of this fact it seems a
mystery how Oscar got near enough to
find them out
Boston girls who got lost in the
woods in the White Mountains the other
day did not cry "Help!' but Three
ladies in this direction are in urgent
need of assistance" "
Old Dr. Samuel johnson knew what
he was talking about when, in his die
tionary, he put this definition; Net
work anything recticulated or decus-
--sated at equal distances, with inter
stices between the intersection.
"My dear Polly, am surprised at
your taste in wearing another woman's $
hair on your head" said Mr., Smith to
his wife, "My dearest Joe, am equal
ly astonished that YOU persist in wear
ing another Sheep root on your back y
A train on the Great Northern Rail
way ran into COW the other day. 1t
didn't hurt the COW, but it threw the
engine off the line. People accustomed
to the beefsteak furnished in the restau-
rants express much surprise at the
slight damage done to the train,
NO said the sad-eyed man, "I
never press young woman to play
upon the piano. | tried it once to my
sorrow ''Whv, what followedP" asked
half-dozen eager voices. "She play
ed. replied the sad-eyed man. al shall
never forget the lesson | learned that
day"
Yes, my son, advise all your friends
not to marry money. When you have
succeeded in getting them all married
for love, YOU can look about you at
your leisure and then decide upon
what particular girl with money you
will lavish your love. Boston Trans.
script.
When Shotwell died the boys clubbcd
together to buy him tombstone. They
couldn't agree upon the inscription.
Fogg suggested this "Iis gun never
missed fire Let us hope that he may
be like his gun" But that was consid.
cred somewhat personal, and was re-
jected without u division. -- Boston
Transcript
AS to laciug; "Oh, no, exclaimed +
loosely-girded girl the other day, a,
one of those very slim-waisted person,
"a married woman) stepped off the pie
into a boat and began to handle th,
oars. "lf she exerts herself at all II
positive she'll snap in two and the up
per half 90 overheard. Do look at her!
Boston Transcript
This isn't menagerie, Sharply OBJ
served an irascible woman to mar
who was trying to force his way througl
the crowd at the door OF concert
room. "No, suppose not, returned
the man, "or they wouldn't leave any
OF the animals here to block up the on
trance
What TO him was love or hopeP Wha
10 him was JOY or care? He stepped o,
aplug of mottled soap the girl had LEI
on the topmost STAIR and his feet fle,
out Ike wild, fierce wings, and h.
struck each stair with sound like
drum, and the girl below with th
scrubbing things laughed like tiend b
see him come.
When highwaymen stopped the Slerr
Valley aud Truckee stage the other da
one of the tenderfeet passengers too
such fright that all color lied from hi
face. As the robber with the pistf
looked into the vehicle and told the ma,
sengers to hand over their valuable,
his eye fell on the pallid physiognom
Of the scared fellow, and he remarke
alphabetically; 1--WE don't want an
thing from you, stranger. We new
rob sick folks
An old Vermont farmer rather toe
the census man aback the other da
The census man asked him II he w
married. mo, beant," was the r
ply. "Childless, then, | suppose" z
ing TO make the entry. "Wal, non
exactly" replied the veteran, "a h,
got forty-two on EN-, "Gracious
exclaimed the intorlocutor, dropping h
pencil; II thought you said you WASH
married." "Wall, | amt, was the r
ply, "but uster be,
"Strictly business" "Sir." began