Milford chronicle., 1883-03-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

A PAIR Of slippers-Orange and banana
skins.
CYNIcAn Spanish proverb: "a woman's
tears cost but little but bring her much!
HINT to a lazy man-Endow q free
bed in a hospital and occupy it yourself
Life.
THE German proverb, If rest, I
rust, is Americanized to read, " If I
trust, 1 bust
He who has fair words only is like one
who feeds the sick with an empty spoon
and talks about Cruel.
You cant get happiness out OF wrong
doing any more than you can get wool
10y shearing hydraulic ram.
THE price Of beef is so high in New
York that they think Of putting signal
station on top of it.-Hhaca Journal
A CHICAGO doctor advertises; Don't
mistake dropsy for consumption.
That's right This constant mistaldng
delirium tremens for malaria is bad
enough. Boston Post.
AMONG other ways for notifying the
flesh during Lent, the Buffalo Conner
ciql Adpertiser suggests. So Eat Welsh
rarebit, with mince pie, every night be-
fore retiring. Speculate in oil.
SEVERAL large brewery and distillery
firms have failed since the beginning Of
the year. When brewery emit make
money the times may be regarded as
pretty hard. .-Noyristo,o Herald.
4 GIRL just returned to Hannibal. No,
from a high school, said upon seeing a
fire-engine at work: "Who would eyah
have dweamed such a vewy diminutive
looking apawatus would hold so much
wattah l'-DeRrer Tribune.
HUSBAND ga. M, after a curtain lee
ture)-"Well, all I've got to say is, if
you are a person Of such refinement and
good breeding, you ought to be above
talking to a drunken fellow at this time
Of the night
THE Chicago Times is Of the opinion
that Presidents term should depend
upon good behavior Does the Times
want Presidential election every two
weeks the wear round ?-DetroH Free
Press.
WRITE. we know Is written right.
When We see it written write,
But when we see il written wright,
We know it is not written right.
For write, to have it written right,
Must not be written right, nor rite,
Nor yet must it be written wright,
But write, for so 'tis written right.
A WOMAN entered a saloon in Jersey
Citv kicked over the table, smashed a
dozen glasses, shook her fist under the
nose, and called him fend,
and led her husband out 10y the car. The
barkeeper from over the Rhine closed
one eye significantly, and remarked to
terrified customer: "By chinks maybe
she vus mad aboud somediugs-eh?"-
The Judge.
A MILLER, who attempted to be witty
1t the expense of a youth Of weak intel
ect, accosted him with, John, people
ay that you are fool" On this John
eplied 1 don't know That I am, sir;
know some things. sir, and some things
don't know, sir. Well, John, what
10 You know p "I know that millers
.lways have fat hogs, sir. And what
Ion't you know?" 81 don't know whose
orn they eat, sir"
THE constitutional amendment offered
" Mr.. Moore, of Tennessee, providing
OF way to compel States to nay their
ebts, seems to be attracting consider
ble attention. A number Of petitions
ave been received from various parts of
he country asking for its passage,
mong them being petitions from COM
lercial bodies in Chicago, and anumber
.om New York State received by Messrs.
Iutchins and Cox.
/" Ny mother says your father has
one into bankruptcy, said one little girl
, another "What is bankruptcy, Nell
e?" "I don't know exactly" replied
ellie. ''but 1 spects its something awful
ice. Pa used to work awful hard and
sed to 60 around in his old clothes
ut since he has gone into bankruptcy
e dresses up every day and doesn't do
lything but walk about just like a per-
ct gentleman.
THE waning Of the honeymoon: Al
ed. who came home very late last night
ON bachelors dinner and has been
catching it" this morning I had
ost horrible dream last night. Ara
Ella (sarcastically): Did you, indeed
ow surprising !" Alfred: &" Did 1 wake
D with scream or anything Of that
rt?" Arabella: " No; perhaps you had
ten so much you couldn't. What was
,ur nightmareP Aired II dreamed I
as a bachelor again. Life.
TO THE NEW FUE-cENT NICKEL.
[By one "Dead Broke. ,
Nickel, nickel shining bright
As an angel Of delight,
Say, what man Of cunning skill
Framed thee, darling Of the TILL
Say who limned the lovely face,
Smiling with dainty grace,
One, which shows no trace Of fear,
Bartered for glass Of beers
Banished from the retail field
All vile coins stamped with a shield,
Brewers Of disputes, methinks,
Tween ow men who "shake for drinks