The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-11
WIT AND HuMOR.

d through into the cellar.
When n lnan and his wife engaged i,
5 a debate the other night and the dos
3 got up and scratched to be let out of thu
7 room, they concluded that il was time Il
s stop the discussion. >.
Members of the Missouri legislature
now only get 81 a day. which seems
very small pay, though it is probable
that every state knows the value of hen
own statesmen.
At Dubuque church sociable the
ladies appeared clad in paper costumes.
TIE Heraid man says they presented a
novel appearance. This is supposed to
be an alluson toa dime novel;
20 yes, = explained Mrs Suddenrich-
es, ''otIr aunt's sisters were Knicker-
bockers All through; and they used to
give balls and parties in the old cologne
days which for swelldom and style beat
the Dutch.
People who are constantly inveiehino
against Mr.. Vanderbilt simply because
he is rich and spends his money as he
! likes, should remember that some day
they may be rich themselves. Never
| strike a man when he is down.
''Faix, an that | have, yer honor
three OF them, two girls and by; and
foine vans, too, > is the reply made by
an Irish-American citizen of New York.
when asked by u magistrate if he had a
marriage certificate.
Az auctioneer ut sale of ANTIQUITIES
put up a helmet with the following can
did observations; This, ladies and
gentlemen, is helmet of Romulus. the.
founder of Rome, but whether he was
brass or iron founder cannot tell. -
If the earl of Dalhousie We're to read
DR. DiX's sermon, he would infer that
the difficulty in this country was not
that men married. the sister of deceas-
eel wife, but married the sister of wife
still living.
Fam native American citizen, born, |
bejabers, in this country" said Mr.. |
MGldoon. at arecent political gathering,
and If ye disbelfeve it, come around /
home .aa' Twill show We me naturali-
zathion paphers, "
An author who was eulogizing his
own works rs containing much food
for tisought,P was rather taken aback
by the remark of a friend .They NAV
contain food for thought, but it is wretch
edly cooked -
In the Kingdom of Siam all college
students are~ allowed but two wives.
This is shameful They are putting
more rules on every year After a
whae they viii probably be limited to
one The freshmen should certainly
kick
L. is said that condensed elephants
milk is now used as tonic We have
all along supposed that Elephants milk
was used in the manufactnre of green
cheese OF which the NOON isssaid to be
We are glad to be dfsabus-
ri OF such an ERRONEOUS idea.
Crowds are honest Ii You commit. 5
nent an individual man to his face. hen
pretend he doesn't like il; but tell an
ludlence sthatg il is.@Mith unspeakable ;
pleasure that You appean before s.leh 5
ine-iookfng. Intelligent body Nofsnen,
md you will be applauded TO the echo :
He was Il man that would weigh at
east three hundred pounds, aud when
re said to hisssfnall friend, at whose !
fffcca he called on his way downtown.
III drop in on YOU when | RETURN the !
title man sexcfaimed: ''Goshi' and !.
ainted away. !
A preacher who was not well ac :
TAINTED with the elocutionaryz art !
taccd the mile ton on the-srong word, :
blowing the literal italic in l. Kings :
i'll, q, and read: And spake unto his :
On, saying. saddle me the ASS, and the, !,
added him. =
A safe %nard Subaltern: Meier L.
hen YOU are on guard at the powder a
and a man passes smoking i. h
gar. what do ven do?' Meier: ''Shou n
him TO throw it away Subaltern: Ii
md then9' Meier: I'D pick il up II
q smoke the rest of it myself b
We congratulate Mr. Rav0ninahitrin- II, n
'Roon his arrival, andhopethat he left -,
RS Observation-Disclosures all the lit -
Observation-Disclosures quite well in ~
adagascar,. and thai they will besable u
spell their names before many moons
We efasped-
An old friend with newface i Gus
ner Have you any first-class music %
instruments? Shop-keeper- w
z; best stock in town, sir; can't be .S
at Customer Cunning to go out "a "a
ant be beat, Ell? Sorry; wanted a ~
4ady TO deaf Butcher): Wen Mr.. 1st
lallbofes, how do YOU find Yourself an
day. Smallbones: We'll I'm ~,
'tty well used up, Mum. Every ribs
ne: theyve almost tore me to pieces les
my shoulders; and | never had such ad
un on my legs" ;sb
Bismarck is buying million acres of eu
al ia Mexico for his countrymen. no
e time seems coming when sauerkraut pr,
the pretzel will push their waysinto be,
land OF the Aztecs, along with rail at
ds and the telephone. - ttts6arq VIII
eg2Gph. of
Are your domestic relations agree me
e? asked judge of a colored wit ion
$. .'What's dat conjunction bossP'' cal
ask are your family ties PLEASANT"
all, no, sab. When oman ties a ing
n when he's drunk an whips him till fie;
5 sober, | doan' think dat it's pleas she
sab. - wo
he following is a nmarkaby neat nun
ance of the retort direct A husband giV
ertised that he. Thomas A. wh
lid no longer be answerable for the ~, ,ts
is incurred by his wife. Thereupon iiui
wife replied: This is to notify that sai
llzabeth A. am able to pay all val
own debts now that / have got shut ''is'
'ommy." cou
lnday-schoo1 teacher: What is the - :
and most important of the sacra- mi,
tsp Little year-year old female roo
liar: Marriage" Teacher: 80 no. T
ism is first and most important. y t,a,
II girl: well, it may be with some tr "a
; but marriage comes first in our ~ i
~; we are respectable people, we the
eigt
w yoaiag ieiio@s STOOD before o bali eyel
ii the other nipht iutentlv Y.aT,.Sivr | ~.