Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-02-23
10 Sfwv
[oney is often easy when its DOS

1t IS week argument which re
quires seven days for its delivery.
viii taking off the tax on matches
diminish the clcrgymen's marriage
fees!
There is always rhcum at the top
said the man with Z cold i'll his head
Bridegroom's motto very free
trans!ation)-Neni. vidi. ! I've been
and gone. and done it,,
The Picdyune has discovered that
truth lies in Il we'll" because there
are 10 fish stories connected with
we'll water.
4 Detroit drummer has gathered a
large collection OF railroad restaur
ant doughnuts which he proposes tc
sell 10 baseball manufacturers next
spring. ''To what base uses are VIC
Come at last" ----,..,-,-.
About S7,000,000 worth of neckties
are worn in this country every year
This does not include those furnished
free by the authorities and Judge
Lynch.
The Pullman train hadn't run
more than ten miles before the rob
bcrs headed it. You're lucky,'
said one of the passengers to The
leader Of tho gang. The porter
hasn't been through the car yet.'
II is dangerous to read patent
medicine almanac. Before you finish
one page you will arrive at the con
clusion that you have all the symp-
toms described therein. and thence
forth your life will be miserable.
At tho El!angowan collie-y in
Pennsylvania there is man named
Peter Mosquito, whose wife is called
Charity. When domestic broil in
that family is imminent it may be
said that Charity begins to hum.
Smelling saltsr'. exclaimed a
Milwaukee man. DO we use smell
ing salts to revive n man who has
tainted! No, sir; wejust put a piece
of Llmburger cheese under his nose,
and if that doesn't bring him to, We
SEND 1Or Coroner"
Paris doctors are now agreed that
person, must fall a distance of at
least 600 feet in order to be uncon-
scious when the collision occurs. And
now the country will probably extend
the height of its monuments to &C
commodate its suicides.
A close calculator estimates that
5,O00.O00 baseballs are made and
used in this country every year, and
as every ball ought, at least, to aver
age three sprained fingers and one
chug in the stomach, it is easy to see
why the price of arnica is kept up.
And now the bunko men assert
that Oscar Wilde fled to Europe to
get away with $500 he won from
them. This is too bad. We could
bear his deluding our average. cred
ulous people, but that he should
prove too sharp for our bunko men
is a disgrace to America.
An Arkansas editor, in retiring
from the editorial control of news
paper said: 1T is with a feeling of
that we retire from the active
control of this paper; but We leave
our journal with gentleman who is
ADLER than we are, financially, to
handle it-a gentleman well known
in this community. He is the Sheriff"
Mrs. Samuelaon. an Austin lady,
did not know that Mrs. Flapjack was
a widow, SO when the latter spoke of
her late husband, the former re
marked: My old man came home
late once, when we were first married,
but he never risked it a second time.
You should make it unhealthy for
your late husband to stay ont late at
nights, and then you would always
have him just where you could put
your hands on him after dark"
\ gentleman at the theatre sits be-
hind lady who wears very large
hat. Excuse me, madam. but unless
you remove your hat 1 can see abso-
lutely nothing" Lady ignores him.
Excuse me, madam. but unless yoa
remove Your hat something un
pleasant will happen Lady ig-
nores him again. Gentleman puts
on his own hat. Loud cries from
the audience: Take off that hat
take off that hatr' Lady thinks they
mean her hat and removes it. Thank
you, madam"
\ homely stranger at church so
ciable looks as lonesome as a straw
hat in snowstorm.
The usc of iron cannot increase the
running qualities of a dog, but tin
can.
The eternal untitness Of things is
always self-evident. The preacher
with the largest family generally get.
the smallest salary.
An editor has been made the vic
tim of a diamond robbery. His op-
ponent stole the ace of that suit out
of the pack.
The new Bey of Trlnis has 3OO
wives, and is near-sighted and deaf.
and ii peace of mind is worth any
thing to a man, his intirmities are a
to him.
A man who has happened to have
a good deal Of experience saws:
Stand anywhere but four feet to the
left OF woman when she hurls an
old bottle at hen"
eyes" said the eminent LAWYER,
suggestively. 1.-The Court is in retire
ment for an hours private consulta-
ton. and nobody is admitted. Avery
good dodge, l call it,
Cooperation is a very economical
move, but it doesn't work we'll when
two women who are joint owners in a
fine hair switch both want to 90 ont
on the same day.
Lafayette, Ind, is laughing with
Slee over a recent addition to its
population in the shape of a pound
and half infant. The child's
mother will have to spank it with a
tea spoon.
The Lyons Medical gives the case
OF surgeon who had attended at a
duel and declined to give evidence
concerning it in court, stating that