The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-05-25
SP0OPENDYKE A PRINTER.
He Explains tho art Of Printing "A Mis-
han.

sPO0PENDYKE A PRINTER.
He Explains tho art of Printing "A Mis-
hap.
SpOOpendykc came home one night
bringing small bundle in his arms.
1T was printing press, on which
expect to do all my own printing here
after" he said.
sob, but isn't that lOvelyp' huttsred
Mrs. SpoOkendyke, dropping the st0rk
and rushing to her husband 5 side, land
can't we do the lovlicst things with IT.!
II Is the kind that the Herald and San
and all those papers are printed with.
''Oh. yes. Mrs. SpOopendyke." growl-
cd her husband. ''yOu've hit it exactly.
This is the very kind. got Mr.. Ben
nett to kindly try 1t on, SD ~ to get Il
the same size as the Herald Is printed
on"
"And will you print papers with yours
like Mr.. Bennett and the other editOrs?"
continued Mrs. Spoopendyke timidly.
"Oh, but won't |. thought" yelled
her husband. cit needed dOd gasted
female idiot to think of that, you've
struck the proper plan"
"rhink you can print 5Ox6O show bin
with a Ski press? Well, tell ye that
ye can't. Can We get il into your measly
head that this IL a card press, and can
only print card three inches by four
inchesp'
"Oh, it's card press. is it?" ventured
Mrs. SpOOpendyke; ''then we can print
those beautiful Christmas cards on it,
cant we?"
"Now you've got it." yelled her hus-
band, "that's the idea. 1t prints in
thirty-five different cOlOrs Mt one impress
sion, and any design, from the picture of
an old crank with sealskin overcOat,
loaiing round somebody's chimney with
a game-bag full of jumping-jacks, to the
New Year, 1883 represented by a hump
backed baby dressed in broad grin,
with Il napkin tied round his waist, driv-
ing out the old year, dressed as an old
tramp with moving machine and a gal
Ion jug of whisky under his arm. That's
the idea, exactly. Think you can print
chrOmos and Autographs on it, don't
you? Well, you can't. You can only
print one color, and that is black.
Think You grasp it nOwp"
"Wcll," said Mrs. Spoopendyks, 81
suppose you can print visiting cards on
Yes, Mrs. SpoOpendyke, can,',' said
her husband in softer tone, and he
grew in a much better humor as he pro-
ceeded to show his wife the press and
exhibit his dexterity in the use OF the
type and the press.
At last he got his worthy helpmeet's
name set up in type, and proceed to
put the chase on the press with grand
flourish. But in an evil hour he had
forgotten to key it up, and at touch the
whole business went to pi, and ut the
next fell in a confused mass all over the
carpet.
"Why. what makes it do that" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, laughing.
'Whai makes il do what, Mrs 5. ?"
sneered her husband Us he hit his head
on Il corner of table in mad dive after
the type. What dye pose makes it
do it! What makes anything do any
thing? Ii had your talent for asking
idiotic questions Id get glass of beer
and Il thrce-inch paper collar, and live
,,it a. IA prosecuting attorney"
BY this time the worthy gentleman
had got the maine set mp and securely
fastened, and was printing with great
gusto; but he had. unfortunately, set the
types in wrong order, and the first eight
perfumed visiting cards came out like
the following:
.ekyfncpoopS .srM
When Mrs. Spoopendyke saw it she
ii up II little scream. .'Oh, isn't that
funny, though? What makes it wrong
side up?"
Funny" howled her husband, with
norrid dcrision, ~ he grasped the situa-
ton. Its II perfect thunderbOlt of fun.
It's the most delicious humorous thing
IF the century. All you need is an adj
vertiscmcnt of liver pills on the cover,
ana u joke about goat on the first page,
to be comic almanc". With your APP
probation of humor, all you need is u
broad grin AMI $1,000 worth of stolen
to be the leading coined ienne
IF the American boards. Can't Won see
the measly typs's turned wrongp They
have only got to he turned round the
other way"
After half an hour of diligent labor the
types were again in position. securely
keyed up, and put on the press.
When the final arrangements were
completed. Mr.. Spoopendyke turned
round to wink ut the baby, and incau-
tiOusly left his thumb owes the edge of
the press. AS luck would have it, Mrs.
SpoOpendyke, in her anxiety to show
her husband how well she understood
and appreciated the press, brought tho
lever down and the press closed on that
gcntleman's thumb, making him jump
four feet high, and utter an exclamation
that would have made the second lieu
tenant of company Of pirates blush.
.'Dod CAST the measly printing press"
he shrieked, as he smashed the base
burner with it, and then he threw it in
the alley. Haven't We got any sense
SCARCELY why didn't you go on with
the entertainment? The measly thing
only got rs far rs the bone. Why don't
We finish the chapter?" and Mr.. SpOop-
endykc danced up stairs, five at time.
with a parting injunction to his wife to
hire out for slaughter-hOuse.
well" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, as
she picked up the baby, and put pitch
or of water where her husband would be
sure to fall over it when he went down
stairs in the morning, ''if we have so
much trouble in printing one word, |
wonder how Mr.. Bennett gets along with
a whole newspaper to print. "--Staniey
Hnuileu