The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-09-15

1no BOY DISCUSSES solomon IN nll HIS
Glory With the Groceryman.
PeeE'. Saa.
"What you sitting there like bump
on log for?" asked the groccryman
Of the bad boy, as the youth had sat on
a box for half IN hour, with his hands
in his pockets, looking at hole in the
floor until his eyes were set like dying
horse. "What you thinking OF, any
way? 1t seems to me boys set around
and think more than they used to when
] was a boy" and the groocryman
brushed the wilted lettuce and shook it,
and tried to make il stand up stiff and
crisp, before he put it out doors, but the
contrary lettuce, which had been pick.
ID the day before, looked so tired that
he boy noticed it.
"That lettuce reminds me of 4 girl.
Yesterday was in here when it was
new, like the girl going to the pic. mic,
md it was rs fresh, and proud, and
tarched up, and kiitcny, and full Of
.i(e, and as sassy as 4 girl starting out
for picnic. To-day it has got back
from the picnic, and like the girl, the
starch is all taken out, and it is timber,
and languid, and tired, and can, stand
lup alone, and IL looks as though it
wanted to he laid At rest beside the
rotten apples in the alley, rather than
be set out in front of store to be sold
to honest people, and give them the
lgangrenc of the liver" and the boy
put on hea!ih.commissioner air that
frightened the groccryman, and he
threw the lettuce out the back door.
"lou never mind about my lettuce"
said the groccryman. al can attend
to my affairs. But now tell me what
you were thinking about here all the
morning."
81 was thinking what fool King Solo
mon VAS" said the boy with the air Oi
one who has made statement that has
got TO be argued pretty strong to make
il hold water.
"Now, look here" said the grocery
man, in anger, al have stood it to have
you play tricks on me, and have listen
ed to yonr condemned foolishness with
out a murmur as long as you have con-
fined yourself to people now living. but
when you attack Solomon the wisest
man, the great king, and call him a
fool, friendship ceases, and you must
get out Of this store. Solomon in all
his glory, is friend of mine, and no
fool boy is going to abuse him in my
presence. Now you dry up!"
"Sit down on the ice-box," said the
boy to the groceryman. "What you
need is rest. You are overworked.-
Your alleged brain is equal to wilted
lettuce, and it can devise ways and
means to hide rotten peaches under
good ones, so rs 10 sell them TO blind
orphans, but when it comes to grasping
great questions, your small brain can.
Tot comprehend them. Your brain
may go up sideways to great question,
and rub against il, but cannot surround
it, and grasp it. That's where you are
dcformed. Now, it is different with
me. ! can raise brain to sell to you
groccryman. Listen. This Solomon is
credited with being the wisest man,
and yet history says he Ind thousand
wives. Just think of it. You have
got one wife, and pa has got one, and
all the neighbors have one, il they have
had any kind of luck. Does not one
wife make you pay attention? Wouldn't
two wives break you up' Wouldn't
three cause you to see stars? How would
ten strike you? Why, man alive, you
do not grasp the magnitude OF the
statement that Solomon had a thousand
wives. a thousand wives, standing
side by side, would reach about four
blocks. Marching by fours il would
take them twenty minutes to pass
given point. The largest summer re-
sort hotel only holds about five hun.
red people, so Sol. would have had to
hire two hotels il he took his wives out
for day in the country. Ifyou would
stop and think once in a while you
would know more"
The grocery mans eyes had begun
to stick out rs the bad boy continued,
as the statistics had never been brought
to his attention before, but he was
bound to stand by his old friend Solo
mon, and he said, "Well, Solomon's
wives must have been different from
our wives Of the present day."
"Not much," said the boy, rs he
saw he was paralyzing the groceryman.
"womcn have been about the same
ever since Eve. She got mashed on
the old original dude, and it stands TO
reason that Solomon's wives were no
better than the mother Of the human
race. Statistics show that one woman
out of ever ten is red-headed. That
would give solomon an even hundred
red headed wives. Just that hundred
red headed wives would be enough to
make an ordinary man think that there
was aland thasis fairer than this. Then
there would be, out Of the other nine
hundred, about three hundred blondes,
and the other six hundred would be
brunettcs, and may be had few albinos,
and bearded women and dwarfs. Now,
those thousand women had appetites,
desire for dress and style, the same as
all women. Imagine Solomon saying
to them, Girls, let's all go down to
the ice cream saloon and have dish of
ice cream Can you, with your brain
muddled with Goldfish and new pota-
toes, realize the scene that would fol-
low9 ? Suppose, after Solomon's broom
brigade had got seated in the ice cream
cry one OF the red-headed wives should
catch Solomon winking at a strange
girl at another table. You may think