The weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1883, 1883-04-18
WIT OF THE WEEK.

WIT OF THE WEEK.
Headquarters: The hatter's store.
Carvers of their own fortunes: Butch
ers.
The private secretary is the person who
makes everything public.
The thief, when he was led to the
station by two burly policeman, remark
ed that he always was strenuously oppos-
ed to compulsory pilotage.
They are now telling story about a
Chicago girl who insisted on throwing
her shoe after a newly-married couple.
The carriage is a total wreck, a doctor
has the bride and horse under treatment
and large numbers of men are searching
the ruins for the groom.
"Seems to me that this is much adieu
,abQst nothing" said young Augustus
fpgif5fh5ay, as thss Ahole family fellppen
the, neck Of the departing second aunt.
saniswitllr tss.ss 4e&eratitnds cofiighed
her to the tender mercies of the hack
man.
1t took young Parsonby all aback when,
at the theatre the other evening, he
whispered to bis girl that he guessed he
would step out a moment to take the
air, and she quickly responded: 1t is
very oppressive, George; I'll go out with
you"
Enthusiastic Professor Of Physics, dis
cussing the organic and inorganic king
doms-"Now, if should shut my eyes
so-and drop my head-so-and should
not move, you would say was a clod!
But I move, l leap, l run then what do
you call me?" Voice from the rear-"A
clod-hopper!' Class is dismissed.
Two tramps, very thirsty, are seated at
a lager beer saloon, involuntary listeners
to an argument between two pretty well
"loaded" legal gentlemen on the subject
of free ships. First tramp Qoq. .)-"That
amt no interest to us, is it Billy?" Sec
ond tramp-'No, Sam; what we wants
to ear about is free schooners."
Father" said Johnnie, "this paper
says that many prominent citizens are
now ill with peumonia and kindred
diseases What is a kindred disease,
father?" "Whv, my son." said smithly,
"a kindred disease seis-is-why-yes yes!
kindred disease is one that runs
through an entire family-kindred, rela-
tives, you know. Surprised you didn't
know that, Johnnie"
Don't you remember me?" Cant
say that 1 ever seen you before" "Why,
don't you remember little Sammy Bam-
bry, who used to steal your peaches and
break your windows twenty years ago,
right here in Austin" "Why, certainly,
l remember you now. And I tanned
your little hide for you when caught
you" "You bet you did. All, those
happy days will never come again"
NJ Lefebure de Fourcy was examining
a student in physics once upon time,
and the young man, being nervous, fail
ed utterly on the first question put to
him-a very simple one. Bring this
gentleman bundle of hay for his break
fast" remarked the disgusted professor
to one of the attendants. Bring two
the professor and 1 will breakfast to-
gether," added the student, who thus
suddenly regained and asserted his self
possession.
Old Judge Beckley is one of the stead
lest and most industrious lunch fiends in
Austin. After he had fed for an hour by
the clock. the saloon-keepert touched him
ON the shoulder and said in very ironi-
cal tone of voice: Judge, don't you
want me to bring out the dessert?" II
would like to have some cheese and fruit,
but really haven't the time to spare. I
must 60 home right off. i'll waste any
more time here my dinner will be cold
when get home"
Miss Matilda SNOWFALL, having closed
the door, approached the lady of the
house in most mysterious manner and
asked as favor that her employer write
letter to Sam Johnston. "What do you
want me to write?" "Write him dat
was at de corner at de pointed hour and
dat he didn't come" "Well, I've got
that down" "Den add to dat ar: I con-
soles myself wild de fond hope you was
KEEP away by sickness. You only true
lub, Matildy SNOWFALL"
They were Boston couple, who had
been married but a few weeks and had
just gone to housekeeping. As the hus-
band stood at the area door one morning,
with the market basket in his hand, his
bride threw her arms around him and
said: ado, you, indeed, love me so very,
very much, Bradford?" Bunker Hill
Monument may fall" he answered with
enthusiasm, "but my love will always
stand" "Well, then," she exclaimed,
kissing him, "don't forget the beans"
When the ulster wishes it could look
unobtrusive. When the maiden tells her
father that board is cheap at Mount De-
sert. When the young man takes his
last years straw hat out of the closet and
anxiously inspects it. When the lady
in the ninth story of an apartment
building begins to balance flower-pots on
a two-inch window-sill. When the pat
ent medicine that all the winter cured
chillblains and rheumatism is advertised
as spring tonic and Alternative. When
the brash young shad tells his grand
mother that he doesn't believe there are
no such things as nets, nohow. and he's
going up river if it broils him. When
the small boy tries to climb tree that
he can't reach half way around, and in
the struggle gets his trousers-legs worked
up above his knees and has all the back
scraped off his shins, then spring is here.
LITTLE JOHNNY TALK.
One time / was in Mister Brily's shop
and he had cut off a pigs he'd and set it
m, +ha ton of n harl and ole CATER Pc