Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-05-20
GENTlEMANLY JOE.
r,nnL BIZ.


known in the banking house Of Ducat,
Gulden & Ducat, or least in that branch
of il which did thriving business III
the great commercial city Of BircheS-
pool. 1t did not require more than
five minutes acquaintance, however,
20 Inform the uninitiatel that the .ap-
parcRtly complimentary epitaet was
beloved rather from a keen sense Of
humOr on the part Of his five fellow.
clerks, than on account Of any eS-
eeptional claims to blue blood in the
case OfMr. Joseph Smith himself. Even
the casual customer, whose knowledge
ofJoe was limited TO watching the self
satisfied Smirk and enormous watch
guard at the Otaer side Of the shining
mahogany desk, or admiring the en-
phasis will which ne utilized his mOis-
tened thumb in overcoming the gregar-
iOus leaves OF his ledger, must have
been struck 10y the misapprOpriate
epithet. To us, however, who had,
so to say, sat at his feet and marveled
at the war OF independence which he
was carrying on against the Queens
English gUt rrIla warfare consisting
in attacks upon ISplrates, anu tie cut
ting OifOi Struggling g'S-tO Us our tancl'
fl br quot was JOKE the frs. water
lfauyth,ug could have unclaimed our
enjoyment If il il was the innocent
gravity with which our companion az
cepted the doubtful title, and, afrr one
feeble rPmunStIance, adOpt,.d it forever
~ HE own pr, Eogative AMI right.
The circumstances OF that rrmlrn-
STRANGE deserve 10 De recorded. Before
the arrival of Mr.. Joseph Smith from
the paternal training stables-his father
WAS successful sporting tout who had
developed into q trainer-OuT Office had
been = particularly aristocratic one.
Welstead, our senior clerk, was Il tine,
handsome young fellow Of twenty-slN,
who came of q good Scotch strain, and
was occasionally understood To make
dark illusions concerning the extinct
sarldOm of stirling; Dallan and More
by were oxford men, well connected
and well read; little SparkinS was the
son of u high church clergyman, and
had some % the best blood of Wales in
nv veins. No wonder, then, that our
dignity was hurt by the appearance Of
loudly .dryssed, notwithstanding
youth, with horseshoe pin ami neck
tie suggestive Of spectrum analysis,
upOn the very stool lately vacated by
my old college friend, Vernon llaw-
kins--mOst gentlemanly and quiet OF
mankind.
For few DAYS We c0ntepted ourselves
with observing the habits and customs
of the creature. There was an audacity
about his vulgarity, and a happy uncon-
seriousness OF all OilCnse, which fairly
dissrmed criticism. 1t was not until
he began to address us aS "Old pals"
and went the length Of playing small
practical joke upon little Sparkins, that
spirit Of resistance began 10 stir with
in our bosoms, and that Welstead, a.
usual was pushed f0rwartlas our mouth
piece.
"You see, smith," he remarked in
his most lsnguid tones, "you have been
in our Office comparatively short per-
iOd, and yet you have taught Us many
things which were new to Us. There is
natural buOyanCy about you charac-
ter, which points you out a. one calcu-
lated to shine in the most select circles.
Re fore your arrival We had never learn
ed 10 designate ladies as 'fllies,' nor
had We heard Of the real gents whom
sou mention a. have frequented your
fathers establishment. These things
show some small sense OF the honor
yI,ur society cOuiIe5 upon Us, by chris
Gcuiug you IS "Gentlemanly joe CN-
cu-ing the liberty Ne take with your
naIne IL consideration of the allitera.
li'm.
\ great part Of this speech must have
been lost upon Mr.. Joseph, but never
die ele bOraIe sarcasm fall so utterly
10 IS knf oil, Id
had fOndiy hoped would be the case,
he burst INTO an upro,.rious fit of laugh
ter, and slapped his gathered leg with
the ebony ruler in token Of delight.
'Haw, haww he rOared, writhing about
on the top of the high stool. "What.
eveI'l father ray. Oh! law, To think
of it! 'Genllcmanly JO'-eh? You're
right, though; you're right, and not
ashamed to own up, neither. l said
when was comm mp, Father says
/. .pll teach them trek or two aud
have, haint OF course we're all gents
here, for clerks is mostly recEOned
such, but il do make Il difference when
one has been brought in cOntac' with
the real thing. You can call me Cen
tleman Joe AN pleasure, but not aS
meaning 10 imply that there is any in
this room not such, though maybe.
not one Of you has seen belted
hurl give your father one in
the short ribs and hOller out:
YOU'RE a deep old scOUpdrel, Smith.
and one as knows how many beans
makes five"
Welstead's face, ut the idea Of his
equity governor receiving such an attsn-
lion at the hands Of nobility, was so
ludicrOuS that we all burst into roar
IL a A.
and last attempt to take rise out OF
our hueOlic companion. 1t Is true that
bis life WAS spent under a continual
shower of small jokes and chaff and
that his new name superseded his OF
one, but there was q massive simplicity
about the man, and a marvellous power
Of converting the most UnpromiSing
remarks into compliments, which rem
dered him very dlscOncertiHg indivi-
dual to attack. AllusionS 20 his hat,
neCktie, OF any other popularity OF raI-
ment were met by his eternal horse
laugh, and an earnest recommendation.
that we should allow him to send 4 Iwn
10 the ceuHlry and procure fac smile"
for all AMI each of Us. you hain't got
nOthip' spicy i'm BirchespOOl, " he would
remark. lord, know q place at
'Cme where you can get youc collars
spotted over with loX's 'eadS Iusteai OF
beiA' plain white, which is y pOOr color
At the bet" think he Imagined that
it was nothing but want of money
which induced Us 20 refuse 20 purchase
these and other luxuries, and he was
wort to throw out illusions as to "It's
not costing us nothing" while lie jim.
gied the loose coins in his trouser pOck-
cts.
Town life did not improve Joseph.
On TIE contrary, he deteriorated. Dur
ing the first SIX months that he honor
ed the office with his presence be not
only lost none OF the traits which he
had brought with him from his fathers
stables, but he grated upon them every