The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-11-09
THE WILD. WILD WEST.
To What Purpose an American Tourist Un-
bosomed Himself.
Soy, Francisco Post.


San Francisco Post.
A well known fellow citizen now prowling
mot to say growling-thIough Europe,
write to us the following touching expert
ence:
/ had been for about half an hour, he
says, sitting on the deck of one of the mis-
cradle little "packets" that ply between Do
yer and Calais, and exasperating my fellow
passengers by refusing to join in the carnival
of sea-sickness going on around me, when
ruddy-faced, bluff-looking individual, who
had been eyeing me for soma time, stepped
up aud said
"Beg pardon, I'm sure; but are you really
the Americana"
"The American!" replied; "there are
several, believe"
"Oh, of course, to besure. I meant the
one on board. I saw George r. Blank, San
Francisco, California, U. s. painted on some
of the baggage, and picked you out right
away as the owner" And the stranger in
spected me from head to foot with as vivid q
curiosity as If had been wild man of the
woods.
"Well," l finally exclaimed, "I am an
American. What can do for you?"
"Why-er-nothing-that is-no offsnse,
hope. And you are q Californian, too?" he
said, rubbing his hands as though he had in
deed met rara avis. "Ever scalped by the
Indians?"
81 think not" replied.
"You've scslped some of them, though,
haven't you?" persisted my inquisitor.
Concluding that inasmuch as was in for
being made sideshow of might as well in
dulge in some Of the circus poster sort of
thing, 1 looked my questioner in the eyes
and calmly replied: "Some twenty.six or
seven, forget which; have the tally in the
handle of my other scalping knife; l carry
only one bowie in this country. So seldom
one runs across any fun over here, you
know"
"Killed many white men?" asked the
stranger, who appeared to be actually CULVER
ing with excitement and curiosity.
"Only eight or ten," I replied, carelessly.
"You see, in California there is sort OF
close season now for shooting white men
'Tain't like the good old man-for.breakfas
times. A fellow is only allowed to gun
around promiscuous like four months in the
year. So it's hard work to keep ones band
in, don't you see."
"Well, declared" said the apparently
stupifed man with the chop whskers; show
about Chinamen?"
"Oh! We kill Cinnamon all the year round
when they're fat" explained. "But
then there is some sort of ordinance making
1t misdemeanor 10 shoot q pigtail unless he
is on the shady side of the street or gets II
your way. Folks are getting too internally
particular over there, for fact.
"Ever been divorced" finally asked the
stranger, whose eyes were now sticking out
like pegs on hat-rack.
"Nine times, ]. think" said. ain fact,
intended to have been again when I passed
Chicago on my way over, but the train only
stopped eleven minutes and there wasn'
time enough to rush it through-takes TWEEN
ty-two minutes, you know"
Thought this had knocked him out, but
after a few minutes bewildered cogitation
he returned to the charge once more:
"Is 1t really true that all Americans wesl
chest protectors and eat nothing but pie?"
"Well, you see, the fact is, Americans are
as you know, such frightfully busy people
that they haven't got time to sit down to eat
square meal, like you English. They must
have something portable-something they
can carry about with them and nibble on the
sly. l tell you, sir, 1t looks like busin ess
when you see forty or tiftv men hanging on
to the straps of street car with one hand and
eating pie with the other"
~ should rather think sol" murmured the
stranger.
GAS for the chest protectors" continued,
"they are really nothing more than pockets
suspended around the neck and large enough
to carry whole pie, which 1t keeps warm at
the same time. A good, hot inince pie
slowed away In this manner not only imparts
. gentle and grateful warmth to the entire
system, but keeps whole days rations al
ways in reach of the wesrer. Grand idea,
isn't it?"
"Well, I'm blest!" said my fairly paralyzed
interrogator, gazing at my childlike and In
genuous face with profound awe. "Would-
er-would you oblige me with one of yonr
cards." he said. 81 want to show 1t to my
family or they'll never believe word Of this
never. Thsnks-here's mine"
As I stepped chuckling into my own COM
partment glanced at the card Of the stran-
ger. 1t read: "Julius K. Judkins, San Fran
cisco, CAL" ..
Ihaye spent eight hours day looking for
that man ever since. There will be blood
shed out Of this yet-mark my words.