Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-04-11

IN mine and l thought it ought to be
cheaper. Life
The elasticity of the human body may
have been little overrated by the re-
porter who sent dispatch to one of the
boston daily papers, stating that
drunken man seized his wife and "threw
her out of the second-story window to
the ground with such force that she re-
bounded several times"
LAST summer, as he lay in the ham.
mock dreamily gazing at the smooth
HoWer-spr1nkled lawn, his darling ap-
preached and said: ''There is a differ
ence between you, dear, and the grass
plot. Communicate the variation. -
''Thls is daisy level, while you are a
lazy -" [ couldn't hear the rest of
| it.
A FASHIONABLE item informs us thao
the polka dot, so fashionable in dres
goods, is copy of the ancient "chry
soclavus." We always thought it was
something of the kind. In fact, we never
see girl in polka dot dress that we
don't think of the ancient chrysoclavus
whatever that may be.-Norr5stow
Herald.
BETTE is scrutinizing intently bust
ness card. Underneath the name is in
scribed: gu. S. Marine Corps" 90 Nam
ma" she says suddenly, "Does Col. B.
make corpses ?" I suppose so, DEAR"
says mamma, 4" when he goes to var. +"
s'That's the reason he has corpses on
his card. It's his business card; see -
and Bette is satisfied
HEARD in the great west: Sis that
the big bonanza mine over there?"
eyes" ''And did that big pile of ore
come from it?" eyes" GAIL right, /
will stake out a claim right here. go
back east and form company" s'But
there Is no ore in this part of the dis
trict, you know?" ''Never mind about
that. I can say that there is plenty of
ore in sight. -Phil0de5aoh5o NeaOs.
WASHINGTON IRVING, in the first flush
of his great English reputation, was
once passing through an exhibition of
pictures In London when his attention
was arrested by a portrait of the ''Father
of His Country" which attracted much
notice. While all were thus gazing the
inquiry was heard from a full-grown
girl: Mamma, who was Washington ?"
'La, child, was the reply, "why, he
wrote the Sketch-Book. ="
The Congressional Record appeared
few days ago enlarged to seventy pages.
This Is an unmistakable evidence of
prosperity, and we congrat ulate our
esteemed contemporary upon its success,
| which has been secured without the aid
Of patent medicine advertisements or
puzzle department - though why it
should publish speeches that were never
: delivered IN congress may be puzzle
department to many readers.-NorrGS-
tOaOqa Herald.
APRoPos of the death of Leopold
Meyer, the London World tells this
story of the late Emperor Ferdinand,
whose brilliant intelligence was not ex-
actly an ornament to the line Of Haps-
burgs After Meyer-who was rather
a stoutish man-had played, the emper-
or spoke to him and said: "My dear
Mr.. Meyer, [ have heard Lit Meyer
bows lowl; I have heard Tbalberg Mey-
er bows lower], but none of them
perspired like you" Tableau!
Mrs. JOSIAH FENDER is a very simple
sort of a woman. An old gentleman by
the name of Ryckman and his wife
moved into the vicinity of the Fender
mansion, on Austin avenue. Mrs. Fen
der, who is very neighborly, baked
nice cake and took it over to the new
arrivals. 81 have brought over some
cake for Mr.. Ryckman's children" said
Mrs. Fender. ''But we have never had
any children" said Mrs. Ryckman.
Well, then, give it to your grandchil-
dren, :" said Mrs. Fender.-TeuaS Sitft-
ingS.
Two commercial tourists met in
the depot the other day. "Hello, Char
ley" says No. l, ''haven't seen yeu in
an age. What are you doing now?"
sob! I'm in the same old line,'' re-
spends No. g. "With the same
house?" Eyes, same old concern, but
situated little differently" ''How is
that }" ''Well, I've got an interest. :"
"Is that so? How long since ?"
"Since the first of the month" "Let
me congratulate you" s'Yes, the old
man told me I'd got to take an interest
in the business this year or quit. So I
took the interest. Exchange.
He lay upon his dying bed, and as the
soft beating pulse and quick gasps for
breath denoted approaching dissolution
he softly murmured to the sorrowing
relatives gathered round "Do not lay
me down by the ripping brooklets, lest
babbling lovers wake me from my
dreams; nor in the beautiful cemetery on
Cypress Hill, lest sight-seers talking
over the epitaphs disturb me; but let
my sleep be under the counters of mer-
chants who never advertise. This is IN
deed place which surpasseth all under
standing, and deep sleep on which
neither the buoyant footballs of youth,
the weary shuttle of age, nor the busy
hum of commerce will ever intrude,"
And his spirit gently meandered up the
| golden stairs.-EC
A Smart Boy.