The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-01-12
VARIETIES.

"A far seeing woman avows as her belief
that, if all the men in the world were on one
side of river, and all the women on the
other, lots poor women would be drowned
Stories first heard at mothers knee are
never forgotten. 1t is the same with some
other things received at o mothers knee,
which will readily occur to our readers.
Taken at his word: "Dont you think,
Clara, that you could love me a little ?" And
Clara answered, with her most engaging
smile: "Yes, Fred, q Gerry little"
Temperance lesson: A gentleman view
ing the st. Patrick procession in New York,
overheard footman say: "Bedad The
whiskey sellers roides the horses, but the
whisky drinkers goes fut"
"A good old Quaker lady, after listening
to the extravagant yarn of person as long
as her patience would allow, said to him -
Friend, what pity it's sin to lie, when it
seems so necessary to thy happinessw
Quite green all around: When Pat was
sent to the lobster pot, to see if there was
anything in it, he said, upon returning -
"lhere was no ripe ones, sorr there was
only. Crane ones, and so tossed them all
overheard"
-Flowery: (Scene: Police court) Mag
istrate: "Have you anything to say in an
swer to this charge, prisoner ?" Prisoner -
Sure, your Worship, only that am as in
nocent as the unborn angels" Three
months hard)
Teacher Why, how stupid you are, to
be sure! Can't multiply lightweight by
twenty-five? I'll wager that Charles can do
it in less than no time" Pupil-"I shouldn't
be surprised. The say that fools multiply
very rapidly nowadays"
"A Londoner one day by accident saw the
sun. "'Eavens," said he "'ow they ave
improved that there 'lectric light" After
moments pause, during which he gazed
upon the novel sight, he added, reflectiveIy,
But 'ow in thunder did they get i'm hup so
'igh?"
AS long as she lived 81 don't care what
anybody says" remarked Mrs. Fogg, warm
ly: "Mr. Bolus is good doctor, and shall
employ him as long as live" Every likely"
replied Fogg:"I believe it is the same with
long as they live-that is to say, until he
gets through with them.
Fifty per cent. profit: "If you were sud-
denly reduced to AFFECT poverty, what bust
ness would you start in att" asked an Austin
young man of Nose Schaumburg. "In dot
case" responded Nose, slowly, II would go
into pishness in a small way in vich l could
make fifty per shent profit" "What kind of
a business?" 81 would shplit matches and sell
EN-"
"A considerate mother: Mrs. Peter
Schinksy is one of those Austin ladies who
take much better care of their pets than they
do of their children. She has got q pet
poodle by the name of Fido. Yesterday Mrs.
Schinksy's little boy Bob, asked his mother:
shall give Fido this piece of sugar he is
begging for?" mo, my child, it might spoil
his teeth; eat it yourself, Bobby"
The story is told of Bishop Philander
Chase, who had a splendid personal presence,
that countryman once accosted him as:
General"
u am not General" he CURLY replied
II beg pardon. mean Judge"
II am not Judge, either"
"Well, then, Bishop"
"Why do you call me Bishop? How do
you know that am Bishop"
"Well, knowed," said the man of home.
spun sense, whatever you was, you was at
The top"
mo time to lose A young blood who
is about to enter into the holy estate of mat
rimony goes to seek the advice of an old
friend, his family doctor. "The girl, you
'ee," says the young man, with engaging
"hasn't got any tin now, but she
las rich uncle with heart disease that-""I
lont know about that" says the doctor re-
1ectivey, "a man with heart disease is apt
o live much longer than" "But it is
serious case. Only this morning they called
n your eminent colleague, DR.. X" "Then
they have, marry her sir; you haven'ta
minute to lose"
Ut wasn't that r exclaimed Mr. Sanders,
"you see, didn't say word at
How'd she find it out, then ?" asked one
If the party.
why, went home and she asked if it was
ne. told her it was. Took the chances on
hat. Then she asked me if had been drink.
ng. told her no. And there stopped.
Never said another word"
but you say she caught on somewhere.
low was itp"
Just blunder made. When told her
hadn't drank anything she was satisfied,
tut when came to get TO bed l put on my
'vercoat instead of my night shirt. And that
xcited suspicion"