The daily enterprise. [volume] (Livingston, Mont.) 1883-1884, 1883-08-25
COMPANY MANNERS.
Ignorance the Chief Cause Of Il.-Ereedsn:.
From the London Queenl


Ignorance the Chief Cause Of Hs-Eree'in:.
tFrom the London Queenl
It was saying of Oliver Wendell
Holmes that in every dialogue between
between two persons there were IN re-
ality six present-two as they We're,
each as he believed himself to be, and
each as he appeared to the other. 1t
would not be difficult to add two more,
and to say that there We're present each
as he desired to represent himself to
his neighbor. For there is nothing
more certain than that every word and
action of our lives, except III thosa
moments of passionate emotion which
annihilate self-consciousness, moments
which do not occur more than once or
twice in an ordinary lifetime, are regu-
lated by the effect to be produced on
those around us. And this by no means
implies that it is universal OF even a
very general wish to make oneself
agreeable. A man may delight In
showing his contempt for his surround
ings, he may be absolutely Indifferent
to the pain which he inficts, but he
will never lose sight Of the effect he is
producing, though he may fully believe
that he has done so. For instance,
while men who delight in making them
selves disagreeable are as plentiful as
blackberries, those who vOluntariiy Y and
consciously make themselves ridiculous
are rare as four-leaved shamrocl1s. The
misfortune is that our perceptions are
so dull and defective that there is often
a ludicrous discrepancy between the
effect we produce and that which we
believe ourselves to be producing. We
would none of us be ridiculous it we
could help it, but it is to be feared that
few of us have altogether escaped the
ridicule of our friends, even IL what we
regard as our most impressive moments.
It is this inability to form a just con-
ception of what is pleasing to others
which is the cause of half the ill-breed-
ing in the world. Good manners do
not consist in obedience to any set Of
etiquette in forming even their rudiments
is due to the fact that their very essence
is adaptability. What we call company
manners" suggests an unpleasant vision
of thin veneer of conventional polite
ness, through which ignorance and vul-
garity are plainly visible. The reason
of this, however, is not that there is any
innate impropriety in modifying ones
behavior in accordance with ones sur
roundings, but that, unfortunately, the
assumption of ceremOnious courtesy is
with many people so rare an effort that
it has all the awkward stiffness of an
s,,f, e.
ton. The general notion that per-
fectly polite person is exactly the same
in all companies is not tenable for mo-
ment, as there are actions which would
be the height of ILL breeding in one place,
and the very essence of courtesy in
another. Indeed the difference be-
tween good manners and company
manners" is that one is the natural ex-
preston of ordinary courtesy, self
control, and knowledge of the world,
while the other is an effort made for
some temporary purpose, or to bring
ones self into harmony with unusually
difficult surroundings. Extra pains
taken for this purpose is highly COM
mendable in principle; but those who
make the effort rarely are apt to do it
awkwardly, and so have brought tho
endeavor itself into disrepute.
It must be admitted that the COM
pany manners assumed by some very
worthy people with the best intentions
are little short of maddening to their
friends. What is to lie done with
hostess who, though she may be the
most comfortable motherly soul in
everyday life, transforms herself into
an intolerable bore in society by her en-
deavor to talk only of such subjects as
imagines interesting to her guests,
without any consideration as to whether
she understands them or no? A per-
son Of this kind will talk of art to al
artist, literature to an author, forei-sn
countries to a traveller, with the moss
sublime Indifference, and will feel re-
compensed for the tediun OF the task
by the conviction that she has done
her duty = an ameiioration of her
misery which by no means eateads to
her victim. Then there are good hos
pitable people who embitter every
mouthfu1 swallowed by their guest by
apologies that their fare is not moro
costly, or better prepared, while 1T the
same time they profess to feel injured
that more OF it is not eaten than a
merely human digestion can assimiii.te.
Almost worse even than these are the
old-fashioned entertainers, whose COM
pany manners" consist in never l,ying
down for second the burden Of enter
talnment, who apologize ii for single
minute You are not talking, or eating,
OF looking at photographs, or in some
visible manner enjoying Yourself"
All this brings us roi,na to the point
from which we started. that ignorance