The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-11-28
The Daily Bulletin.
WIT AND HUMOR.

Tune 10 90 nonle-
A colored man at Maysville, KY,
SAYS he does not care anything about
the civil rights decision SO long as they
don't stop hog raising
Never mistake perspiration for in
spiration," said an old minister in his
charge to a young pastor just being Or
dained. u,crE ..
Matrimony is said to be lottery, but
up to the hour of going to press no law
had been enacted prohibiting the use OF
the males. ,B
A young man named Darling lives in
Fargo, and, when any one calls to him
on the street, every young lady
within three blocks bushes and looks
around, gently saying, "Sh, sh.'
Under certain circumstances it makes
man feel mean to have people give
him a wide berth, butsomehow 1t never
does when travelling on a steamboat. -
Burlington Free Press.
"Yes," said the high school girl, g!
removed the letter surreptitiously.'
"No, you didn' t." replied her brother
Jim; ''you sneaked up to the parlor Ia
BILE and jabbed it in your gripsack."
mo, SIR" he said, mo tombstone
for me. don't want folks to come
along, read my name on it and ask,
Now, who was he, anyway "-Boston
Post ...... ...,
Somebody, who writes more truth
fully than POLITICALLY, says: "An angel
without money is not thought SO much
of nowadays as devil with bagful
of guineas.
A forgetful set of people: Yes, "
says Mrs. Parvenu, 1--WE had real nice
time at Richfeld and Sharon. When !
left gave my card to lots Of people on
the piazza, but most Of EN- forgot to
give me theirs" ,. ~.
An old gentleman whogot tripped up
while trying to cross the ballroom, re.
marked, as he slowly crawled to per-
pendicular, that it was always pleasant
to be thrown in the company OF young
people.
1t was the intelligent foreman of an
esteemed exchange who placed under
the heading Railway Notes." the
fashion item 1.-The court train will this
season replace the princesse and round
trains" ....
Il tell YOU said the boy. confident
ly, to a group of youthful friends. my
mother may seem small-don't believe
she'd weigh more than | do, in her
stocking feet-but her slippers is heavy,
though, you bet"
A French investigator has discovered
that the character of a PERSONS dream
depends in great measure on which
side the sleeper lies The dreams of
lawyer, then, who habitually lies on
both sides, must be very much mixed,
A race between pigeon and pony
in England was won by the bird. This
ism considered much of an exploit in
this country, where common Ameri-
can swallow will take in all the ponies
barkeepcr will trot out - Boston
Courier.
Accused, said the President of the
tribunal, you have heard the report
of the medical experts that the body
contained quantity of arsenic sutii-
cient to kill eight persons; what have
you tosay to it?' That my poor little
husband was great glutton."
"Do you understand how to fix up
my hairP' asked 4 lady of servant
she was about to engage. "Yes, a'am,
,,n g.. y,> vnur HOW IN fo,, ,,,;n,tae ',
Ten minutes! What would do with
myself the rest of the day? You won't
suit me at all .u ...r...
Progress: Elder ster--"Geraldine,
why did you take so much trouble to
snub that handsome, manly young fell
low we just metz" Geraldine -''Oh,
that's Harry Hardlines. He hasn't
cent to his name and he's got mother
to support, and that sort of thing isn't
good form, you know, nowadays"
A Knight Templar in San Francis
co parlor described the beauties of the
Eastern coast. A San Francisco man
smiled contemptuously and said: ave
been East myself, and don think much
of it, "Where were you?" "Why,
East, in Omaha. The East amt as big
as Frisco"
Her face" writes Mr. Richard A.
Proctor, "tells of remote youth---a
time of fiery activity. Look at her
features, streaked, ringed, and wrink-
led; they tell us of century after CEN
fury of disturbance" Mr.. Proctor re-
fers to the moon, and not a ballet-girl,
as might naturally be supposed.
The fair thing "Now, Mr. Over
charge, what will it cost to have hot
and cold water put all through the
house?" We'll, I can't give very
close estimate until the job is COM
pleted. | will do the fair thing by you.
though" So the plumber went to
work, and three months later he owned
the house.
A hospital Professor was making an
amputation in the presence of his stu
dent meantime the patient groaned
and sobbed. Irritated at hearing 80
much groaning, the Professor said to
the patient: ''Do me the favor to keep
quiet, for we cant hear ourselves talk.
There are 100 persons here at least, and
you are the only one who is making
any FUSS
Toto is walking with his grandmother
in the forest. II say, grandma" he
cries, 'if we should meet a wolf!'