The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1883-09-21
A v
The Bad Boys idea Regarding the
Wisdom Of Solomon.
From, tba M;s ua,kae SIM -

From the Milwaukee Sun. al
".sit down on the ice box" said the
boy,to.the grocery a what you neea
is rest. You are overworked. Your af
legged brains is equal to the wilted let
tuce, and it a devise ways and means
to hide rotten peaches under good ones
30 as to sell them to blind orphans, but
when it comes to grasping great ques-
lions your small brain cannot compre-
bend them. Your brain may so up side
ways to a great question, and run
against it, but it cannot surround and
grasp it, That's where you are deformed.
Now. it is different with me. I can
raise brain to sell to you grocery men.
Listen. This Solomon is credited with
being the wisest man, and yet history
says he had a thousand wives. just
think of it, you have got one wife and
pa has got one, aad all the neighbors
have one, if they have had any kind of
luck. Docs not one wife make you pay
attention? Wouldn't two wives break you
up? Woulun't three cause you to see stars?
How would ten strike you? Why, ma
alive, you do not grasp the magnitude of
the statement that Solomon had a thous-
and wives, standing side by eide, would
reach about four blocks. Marching by
tours, it would take them twenty min
utes to reach q given point. The largest
summer resort hotel holds only about
five hundred people, so Sol would have
had to hire two hotels if he took his
wives out for day in the country. If
yo,, r,,o,,II ctpr and thiplr p,,oa ~ -
while you would know more"
The grocery mans eyes began to stick
out as the bad boy continued rs though
the statistics had never been brought to
his attention before, but he was bound to
stick by his old friend Solomon, and he
said: well, Solomon's wives must have
been different from our wives at the
present day"
"Not much" said the boy, as he see
he was paralyzing the g~rocervman.
women have been about the same ever
since Eve. She got mashed on the old
original dude, and it stands to reason
that Soloman's wives were no better than
the mother of the human race. Statis-
tics show that M woman out of every
ten is red-headed. That would give
Solomon an ever hundred rcd-headed
wives. Just that hundred red-headed
wives would be enough to make
an ordinary man think that
Then there would be, out of the other
nine hundred about three hundred
blondes. and the other six-hundred
would be brunettes, and maybe he had a
few albinois and bearded women and
fat women and dwarfs. Now, those
thousand women had appetites, desires
for dress and style, the same as other
women. Imagine Solomon saying to
them. Girls, lets all go down to the
ice cream saloon and have a dish Ct
cream Can you, with.your brain mud
died with Goldfish n new potatoes,
realize the sceae that would follow?
Suppose, after Soloman's broom brigade
had got seated in the ice creamery, one
of the ~red-headed wives should catch
Solomon winking at another table. You
may think Solomon did not know
enough to wink, or that ne was not that
kind of firt, but he must have been or
he could never have succeeded in mar
rying a thousand wives, in a sparsely
settled country. No, sir, it looks to me
as though Solomon in all his glory, vas
an Old masher, and from what have
n wife, ! don't envy Solomon his
thousand. Why, Just imagine that gang
of wives going and ordering fail bonnets.
Solomon would have to be
a king, or a Vanderbilt, to stand it. Ma
| wears five-dollar silk stockings, and pa
kicks awfully when the bill comes in.
Imagine Solomon putting up for a few
thousand pair of silk stockings. / am
glad you will sit down and reason with
me in a rational way. The minister
stands me of when | try to talk with
him about such things, and tells me to
study the parable OF the Prodigal Son,
and the deacons tell me to 90 and soak
my head. There is darn little encour-
agement for a boy to try and figure out
things. How would you like to have Il
thousand red-headed wives come into
the store this minute and tell you they
wanted you to send carriages around to
the house at 3 o'clock, so they could 70
for a drive? Or how would you like to
have o hired girl come rushing in and
because six hundred of your wives had
been taken sick with cholera morbus?
Orr
20, don't mention it," said the gro
Gerry mar with a shudder. ~ wouldn't
take Soloman's place and be the natural
protector of a thousand wivesifanybody
would give me the earth. Think Of get
ting up a cold winter morningand build
ing u thousand fires! Think of two
thousand pair of hands in q fellows hair.
Boy, you have shown me that Solomon
needed a guardian over him. He didn't
have sense"
eyes" says the boy; "and think Of
two thousand feet, each one as cold as a
brick of chocolate ice-cream. A mar
would want q back as big as the fence tc
a fair ground. But l don't want to har-
row up your feelings. l must go and put
some arnica on pa. He has got home
and says he has been to- summer re-
sort on a vacation. and he is all covered
with blotches. He says it Ia mosquito
bites, but ma thinks he has been shot
full of bird-shot by some watermelon
farmer. Ma hasn't got any sympathy
for pa because he didnttake her along.".
Martin Lutiler'S Marriage.