The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-06-22
Burglars at Snoopendyke's.

.say. my dear, calculated Mr..
Spoopendyke, sitting bolt upright in
bed " til a sudden jerk: I: Say, my
dear. wake up! | heas burglars in the
house.
"Who9 what burglars?n demanded
Mrs. Spoopendyke. as she popped up
beside her husband. 9. Who is in the
house?''
Hushl Quiet, will We? / don't know
which burglar; but hear somebody
moving around. =
.sOh! my What shall we do?' in
quired Mrs. Spoopendyke. Let cover
up our heads. 2
Why don't you get up and light the
gas?n propounded Mr.. Spoopendyke in
a hoarse whisper. S'pose you can see
who it is in the dark? Strike a light,
can't you? If you had your way we'd
both be murdered in bed. Going to light
up before we're killed?n
I'm afraid, = whispered Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, sticking one foot out. of bed and
hauling it in as if she had caught fish
with it.
"Going to sit there like shot-tower
and have our throats cut?n interro-
gated Mr.. Spoopendyke. "How'm |
going to find burglar without light?
Find a match and light that measly gas,
quickm
Mrs. Spoopendyke crawled out of bed
and hunted around for skirt
What's the matter with We? Can't
you find a match? Why don't YOU
mover Kissed Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Il am, as fast as cam replied his
wife, her teeth chattering. I'm look
ing for pin.''.
oh! you're moving like railroad,
amt ye? / never saw anything fly like
you do! All you want is to be done
up in white and blue papers to be a
seidlitz powder. What dye want of a
pinP Going to stick pin in the burg
larP Why don't you light the gasp
Mrs. Spoopendyke broke half dozen
matches and finally got light.
That's something like il" continued
Mr. Spoopendyke. Nov hand me my
pantaloons.
"You won't go down where they are,
will you?" anxiously inquired Mrs
Spoopendyke, handing over the gar
ments.
Mr.. Spoopendyke vouchsafed no re-
ply, but donned the habiliments.
Now, you open the door," said he.
"and 90 to the head of the stairs and
ask who's there while I find my stick.
Hurry up, or they'll get away
Suppose they are there. What'll ]
do thenp''
"Tell them that I'm coming. &c
ask 'em will YEP What's the matter
with your"
Mrs. Spoopendyke opened the door
about an inch, squealed FsWho's there?'
slammed the door and popped into bed.
"What ails yeP'' demanded her hus-
band. "What do you think you are
anyhow; conical shot? Get up, can't
you, and look out. Where's my BIG
stickP What have you done with it!
Sent it to school, haven't We? Go out
and ask who's there, win ye, before
they come up and slaughter u.s.
Once more Mrs. Spoopendyke ap
preached the door and TREMENDOUSLY de-
manded what was going on There
was no response, to her incalculable re-
lief, and she went to the head of the
stairs.
"See anybodyP' whispered Mr..
Spoopendyke, looking over her Shout
der.
"Who's therep" squealed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. $50 right away, because my
husband is here
"Oh, you've done itr' exclaimed Mr.
Spoopendyke, as he hauled her back
into the room. CHOW, how do you sup
pose I'm going to catch themp What
do you want to scare them away for!
Think this nominating convention
What made you leave the house open!
Come on down with me and I'll show
you how to lock up
Down they went and careful scrutiny
demonstrated that everything was fast
II don't believe there was anybody
there, P" said Mrs Spoopendyke, as they
returned to their chamber.
cit was not your fault" retorted Mr.
Spoopendyke. eff you had got up wher
/ told you and kept your mouth shut
we d have got them"
But you said for me-"
"Didn't say anything of the sort!'
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke; "never men
toned your name once. We might
have been killed, the way we went tc
work"
II think we'd caught them if they'G
been there" said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
taking down her hair and proceeding tc
put it up again.
"You'd caught 'em!'' sneered Mr..
Spoopendyke. "All you want is some
chloride of lime and your accounts
short to be in the penitentTary Another
time burglar gets into the house yor
stay abed, and don't you wake up again
| won't have any dod-gasted woman
routing me out this time of night, ye
hear!7
eyes, DEAR and Mrs. Spoopendyke
wound her hand in the collar of hel
liege lords night-shirt and went tc
sleep, secure in his protection. Brook.
Ign Eagle.