The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1883-09-14
THE HOTEL MOTHER.
With Some Notes on her Billiard.
room Son and Piazza Daughter.

81 amsure that she is we'll connected" !"
remarked Mrs. Haphazard; ''she wears
the most beautiful diamonds every
morning." Mrs Fungus was the most
gorgeous figure in the hotel. She
breakfasted in black velvet gown, with
train and short sleeves, and she COM
monty dined in blue satin. She would
have been called very pretty, but for a
somewhat aggressive stare in her round
light eyes, and fixity in the lines of
her graceful mouth and chin which sug.
gested not composure 80 much as de-
fiance. You could not look-at her fair
skin and banged hair, and her super
fluffy of gems and gold chains, or listen
to her laugh and her grammar, without
thinking of a translated barmaid. But
she was perfectly good-natured and
unaffected. If her manners were not
fine, they were at least easy being those
which had came to her in the course Of
nature. She was fond of talking to any
body who would accept her company,
and was an especial favorite with
transient young men, who
found her pleasant
relief from the monofony Of the smok-
ing-room, and spoke of her as "gay."
Most of the boarders felt lin looking at
her as Carlyle's raw Scotch maid felt
when, being shown Virgin and Child
in the National Gallery, she could only
exclaim: 90 my! how expensive!" Mrs.
Fungus did not like saint; but there
was no real harm in her. She never
walked abroad; sho never drove; she
never read; she never was seen with q
needle. She passed the morning on the
piazza the afternoon and evening in the
public parlor, talking loud, if she had
anyone to talk to, and otherwise con-
tentedly taking exercise in rocking
chair. The last thing she thought of was
the children. The late Mr.. Fungus had
left her several pledges of affection and
she left them entirely to Sarah, who in
turn generally left them alone, though
sometimes-upon what occult principle
shook them. Thus it happened that the
children of Mrs. Fungus bee me the ty-
rants OF the establishment. They played
horse in the corridors. They jumped in
the parlor. They put the piano out of
tune, and ldislocated the sofa springs,
and broke the croquet mallets.
They stripped lthe flower and
were terror to all domestic animals
They rushed to the dining room as soon
as the doors were open, gave extensive
orders, scrambled for the dessert, filed
the neighboring guests with disgust, and
drove the walters to desperation. The
complaints of their noise and their tres
passes were the chief worry of the clerk
but there was no remedy short of ex
pelling the family. 1t never entered
the head of Mrs. Fungus that for their
own sake the children ourhtto be taught
a respect for the rights of OTHERS, or that
they had anything to gain by acquiring
self.contro.
MIS-. Fungus will be recognized by
every visitor at Saratoga, at Long Branch,
at the White Mountains, at the Virginia
Springs, at all the fashionable resorts of
the United States; for she pervades all
sections, and she hourishes in the de-
yelopmeut of series of types evolved
from rude social origin, and tending
toward complex product not yet clear
ly discerned. She is only little re-
moved from the primitive and labori-
Gus lgnoramus; changed conditions of
existence have affected her imperfectly; /;
she has dropped old habits, and has not
yet learned the new ones appropriate
to her new environment. In the next
generation we shall observe marked adj
vance. The children who are now the niu-
sance of hotel corridors will be the swells
ofthe billiard room and the bellies of the
piazza, Young Fungus will never be a
gentleman, but he will early assume to
be connoisseur in coats, cigars, saddle
horses, and lawn-tennis. He will haunt
hotels as closely as his mother, for what
other home than a hotel has he ever
known?-and there he will breakfast
late: and call the barkeeper by his first
name, and take a leading and dogmatic
part in the extraordinary vapid, copious,
and unlettered conversation which is to
be heard only in the Office Of hotels and
livery stables. He will be only fop
and fool. with no thought but his own
amusement; whether he viii! be any
thing else will depend upon the freaks
iness and his luck in marriage. He will
never he an interesting fellow. His sis
ter will at least be an object of attraction
From troublesome and over-dressec
child, she will grow into pert miss
with a profound disrespect for hel
mother, and saucy answer for strange
gentlemen who try to anuse themselves
with her. She will quickly catct
the accent and manner of
class much better educated than he1
own, she will learn, before she has pu
on long dresses, that diamonds at break
fast are in bad style; at fourteen she
will be remarked for the elegance ofhel
costumes; at fifteen she will have car
ried self-culture to the point of readin.
novels in ''The Seaside Library" and
under favoring circumstances, she may
even 60 so far as the lighter publication
of the Franklin Square Series" Afte
a brief transition period of giggling fir
tations with boys, she will suddenly ap
pear at the summer hotel RS an expert
enced young lady, and will take hel
| place naturally in the category of piazza
| girls. Like the rest ofthose companion
able virgins, her object in life will be tt
have good time. A good time implie.
| young man, with whom she will always
be ready for promenade outside the
| parlor windows, whispered tete-a- tete
| in dark corner, a moonlight ride, ay
unreasonable row on the lake, or {
pound of French candy IN the recesses
of thicket. AS for Mrs. Fungus. she
| poor woman, will have gone off 50 lily
! when these nights Of heartlsssness
| and futile dalliance arrive; stray
| bachelors and commercial travellers vii
no longer find her gay" her voice wi!
| be harsher, but her laugh will be rare
| and there will be marks of trouble o.
| her face. Her children Will desDise he
acquaintanees, and be careful not to pre-
/ sent TO her their.own. She will kaoy
little or nothing of her sons pursuits
! She will wait alone on the piazza til
midnight, while her daughter is oat witt
| gentleman whose name she has neve
heard; and whom the truant pair appear
1 the cavalier will not notice tho old lady
and the girl will offer no remark, Wha