News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-10-18
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK.
Not "a ShyIOcIx Neglected Education
Plantation PhiIosOphy-ThOse Lights-A
soft Answer, Etc, Etc.
HE WAS NOT A sHYLOCK.

HE WAS NOT A SHYLOCK.
A day or two ago a man who was at
the Central depot to take a train sud
denly cried out that some one had stolen
his valise, and he began such huIlaba-
loo that everybody had to be interested.
81 sot that ere satchel right down
thar and stepped to the door," he ex-
planned to Officer Button, "and when 1
returned it was gone"
"Well, you should have been careful.
We are not responsible for such losses. y
"You amt, eh? Whar's the Presi-
dent ?"
''Out of the city, sir"
'Whar's the GineraI Manager ?"
"He's sick abed.
"Whar's the Superintendent ?"
'Won't be here till four o'clock"
"WalI, now, somebody's got to make
good that loss or about a dozen men
will go to the hospital for six months
apiece!'
"What was the value %
"Fifty dollars and not cent less y
"What were the contents ?"
81 had twelve shirts, a new suit of
clothes, an overcoat, and lots of other
things"
"Was it a carpet sack?"
"She was"
zone handle gone and the lock
broken?"
eyes, one handle was gone, and had
her tied with a string"
els this it ?" asked the officer, as he
took the baggage off bench not six
feet away.
"Great snakes that's her." chuckled
the owner.
In handing it to him the string broke,
the bag flew open, and out rolled two
old shirts, pair of socks, and five OF
six paper collars-all there was in it.
''Then these are the duds you wanted
$50 for ?" queried the officer.
"No, sir !" was the indignant reply.
''I should have taken the money for loss
of time and damage to my feelings.
I'm no Shylock, sir !'-DetrOjt Free
| Press.
UNAPPRECIATTvE.
81 fought for your freedom, " said
gentleman whom a negro policeman was
conducting to the lookup.
"You needn't try ter fight fur yourn
cap'n, fur if yer does I'll hit yer.
"Ain't you got no respect for mai
who helped to free you?"
81 amt steadyin bout dat, cap'n. E
yer had enutf sense ter fight fur m!
freedom yer aughter hab enuf ter 'hab
verseTf airter Use freed. Doan pul
back dat way. I'll gin yer lick fus
! thing, yor know dot'II ring SO loud dat d
fire engines will come out. Yer ow
freedom seems ter bodder yer mucl
more den mine. ''-Ark0ns0eO ITaVeye'
MISS MI1LER's MILK PITCHER.
Miss Sarah Miller, young lady will
bangs and a sorrowful expression, wa
recently brought into Justice Mech
Office charged with assault and battery
There was a case on trial and she tolt
her story to o reporter. She was th'
proprietor of a boarding house a
the corner of Wabash avenue ant
Twenty-second street. A certain Mrs
Mary KIepper was lodger there. J
war of words drifted into war of acts
and Mrs Klepper made charge on Mis-
Miller.
"But what are you arrested for?' il
quired the reporter.
"Why, I don't hardly know, it We
Mrs. Klepper's own fault. She ru
into the pitcher with her head and CT
herself.
''But where was the pitcher2"
ooh, that was in my hand"
The case was continued and Mis-
Miller will be called upon to explal
how she allowed Mrs. Klepper to ru
} her head against the pitcher.-ChjcaS
H6f0ld.