The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-05-07
Wit and Wisdom.

Wit and Wisdom.
Ella Give years old, who has broken win
dow with snowball)-"Papa, DEAR don't
beat me; subtract 1t rather from my marriage
dowry. '-Fliegende Batter
why are politicians always talking about
the party platform, my dear2" queried Mrs.
Rather of her husband. Looking for the
deals, my love-" rejoined Rattler.-Boston
Courier.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate, Indigestion
from Overwork.
DIR. DANIEL. T. NELSON, Chicago, says:
II find it a pleasant and valuable remedy in
indigestion, particularly in overworked men"
A man breathes about eighteen times a
minute AID uses 5000 cubic feet or about 375
hogsheads of air per minute. Think of this
when you are tempted to eat DEMONSTRATING
ton Free Press.
1T does beat all what rascality there Is in
this world" exclaimed Farmer John angrily.
''The last ton of soapstone that bought Is so
~
| my butter with. philadelphia News.
Sanford's Ginger for the worn out.
Happy Thought. Daughter of the house
(haying tried her partner and not finding him
up to the mark -"Stopl Do you know, see
that Miss Blinkinsop isn't daneing really
must give you up to heri-London Punch
AT the council of revision: The doctor
"Have You an indispositlon? What do you
claim?n The conscript-'I have brother in
the service" The doctor--"That Is not a NAL,
ady-" The conscript--"No; but it Is at least
an DISQUALIFICATION paper,
ANY physician who is acquainted with its
properties win say that Glenns Sulphur Soap
Is a reliable remedy for local skin diseases.
Nature was wise when 1t ordained that
chickens should not have teeth. II ii were
possible to look into chickens mouth aud
tell its age like that Of horse by its teeth, 1t
would be a square give away on the farmer
who was trying TO palm off an old hen as
young pullet.-Philadelphia Chroniele-Her-
aid.
The old fashioned Hop Poultioe or bag is far
inferior to Hop Plaster both as pain killer
and strengthener. Call for it at any drug
store.
Unrequited Advance. Old flame Tin tone
of tender melancholy to old fcgey, whom she
regrets having rejected when he once made
her an oifer)-"Do you think, Mr.. Buckthorn,
we shall meet thoss we love in the next
world?s Old fogey-aPerhaps, ma'am. And,
let us hope, in that part of il whore they nei-
Their marry nor are given in marriage. Lon
don Punch.
r The constantly tiredout" feeling so often
experienced is the result of impoverished blood
and consequent enfeebled vitality. Ayers Sar-
sagarillafeeds and euriches the blood, ncreas-
es the appetite, and promotes digestion Of the
food and the asslmilationrof its strengthening
qualities. The system being thus invigorated,
the feeling rapidly changes to grateful sense
Of strength and energy.
A Pittsburg preacher asserted that Shaks-
peare was greatly over rated man. Some
body should present that clergyman with a
copy of the immortal bard's works and spell
out the hard words for him. New York Com
mercial Advertiser.
A sailor who had fallen overheard aud was
speedily interviewed by shark, cried cut to
his enemy, Have pity on a man who is down!
MY friend" replied the shark, "a man who
keeps himself above water is OF no use TO me-
Now is my time" Moral: The man who falls
overheard In business can expect no faYors Of
the sheriff.-Detroit Free Press.
Joe Nice. went a-fshing with live frog fos
bait. For more than IN hour he waited in vain
for bite. Pulling up TO examine his bait he
found his line leading to the shore, when to
his extreme surprise and pleasure (?) he found
Mr.. Frog seated calmly on a rock by his side
enjoying his oti1tIa cum dig. Joe declares that
the batrachian winked at him with the most
conSummate impudence.-Forest and Stream.
The great sale of Swedish Remedies Is aston
ishing, and for enriching the blood. creating
an appetite, or strengthening the whole system
nothing can surpass these remedies.
do you know the prisoner asked Har-
lem judge OF a witness. Eyes. sir, do; /
know him intimately; he and l were in a bank
together at the same time" "Ah, when wa
that?' was the question OF shrewd lawyer, who
was counsel for the prisoner. well, as near
as can remember. it was five years ago, and
about three O'Clock in the morning; none Of the
bank officers were present at the time The
witness was speedily excused.-Harlem Times