National Republican., 1883-10-22
CURRENT GOSSIP
PSALM TtLDEN.

PSALM TtLDEN.
oh, Sam Tdonl Obi Sammy Jones Tildeni
Hail all hail aud snowl
Thou everlasting mummy Thou sphinx
Ihou ancient relic of decaying antiquity
| Thou apple of the democratic optcl
Thou cockest thine eye and parties rovoutioniEei
| Thou sneezeth and statesmen fear theel
Thou wipest thine ancient beak and nations trem-
o bel
Old art thou and wise Old as the hills, the an
cient hills of Spainl
Thou art "fruit" for the paraprapher and tho 1aw
ful prey Of correspondents, who have much to
say Of Greystone and Gramercy. but little Of
thee!
Great art thou, but greater is the power of thy
| barll
Open thento the people the bunghono of thy barT,
and not even tho returning board shall prevail
| against thee!
Oh, Sam! Oh bunghole oh, barl
Chicago Ne,ps
WILLIAM Cook, ono of Boss Tweed's lien
tenants in the old ring days, is bunko steerer in
| Paris.
II takes about eight tons of iron to mako
the Wheels axlos, bolts, nuts, &C., of an ordinary
freight car.
Who says it is unhealthy to sleep in feath-
or2 Look at the spring chicken aud see how
tough he Is.
"AUNTY, vat makes tho little baby cry
so7 Do it want its mudder?" "Yes dear, and its
| fodder tool"
A DENTISTS appearance is apt to deceive
one. The more he looks down in the mouth tho
better he feels.
THERE is father in Pittsburg mean
enough to call his daughter Misery, because she
loves company.
A SCHOOL BOY remarks that when his father
undertakes to 'show him what is what" he only
finds out which is switch.
SITTING BULL has developed an ambition
to get rich like tho railroad kings and German
barons he has recently met
MRS. LANGTRY and her mother are to live
In fiat in New York. This is better than having
one tagging round the country after the beauty.
A POLICEMAN of Charlotte, S. c., who had
whipped every tough In town, finally got into q
fight with circus elephant and conquered him
also.
Mrs. HYMUs EASTMAN, of Leon, N. Y, is
now her own mother in law, having Just married
her deceased husbands father who is 72 years of
age.
THE total number of spindles added to cot
ton machinery in the United States last year was
100000, of which 10000 were taken by southern
states.
A PHILADELPHIA lawyer, too proud to
the divorce courts, advertises "Misht marriages
specially"
MEssRs. Moody AND SANKEY, now in Ire
land, have received the gratuitous information
that should they visit Cork 1t will be at the risk of
their lives.
COUNTRY maidens are now holding guess
ing matches. They sit out in the garden and
guess whether it's potato bug or an army worm
that's crawling down their back
OLD Mrs. Pinaphor hopes that no more
lives will be sacrificed in the hunt for the north
pole until some persons go out there and ascertain
whether such pole really exists
WHEN the doctor advised Brown to take
care of his health, Brown remarked, with feo-
BILE SMILE that really it was so poor that he didn't
think 1t was worth taking care OF.
REV. DIR. JOHN HALL, of New York, thinks
that, as Professionalism did not exist in the year
1900, but now controls 4OSOOOOOo population it
cannot very well he called u failure.
A GUILELEss girl wrote to her adorer thus:
"Dont come to see me any more just yet John,
for father has been having his boots half
and two rows of nails around the toes"
5 do YOU ever gambler" she asked, as they
, sat together, her hand in his. He replied, mo,
buif wanted to now would bo my time" "How
, so?' Because hold beautiful hand" The ell =
gagement Is announced.
DIR. ROBERT b. DIXON, author of "F, re
and an" is less than 80 years old tall, slender,
< active and afiable. He was graduated ut tnc
v Harvard Medical school, and is considered to be
one Of the most promising young physicians in
r Boston.
A coLoRED pastor led his congregation to
the diamond field in Houston, Tex, where the
boys were playing base ball on Sunday, and there
the brethren and sisters knelt in prayer. They
| nnpuniad all the and Tins
= the game.
THE increase in the taxable property of
Texas last year was $50 100000 New counties to
the number of sixty eight were organized, giving
200 in all. Besides this there is territory twice
!, as large as the state of Georgia not yet divided
. into counties
. THE undertakers in California must take
some stock in the talk about the cholera visiting
this country next year, as they have adopted q
: resolution requesting jobbers and manufacturers
L not to sell goods to persons designing to open in
. | opposition to undertakes in places where there
is only business enough TO support those already
s supplying the demand.
THE story is told of Senator "Zeb" Vahce
of North Carolina. that soon after his second mar
| riage he remarked to his bride: my, dear, I'm @
a stubborn fellow, and you may anticipate trouble
, Now, in the beginning, while l am submissive,
want to give one piece of advice. Ifyou follow II
we'll get on mighty Weli. ~ IL TINS; Make me dc
a Just as l darned please"
$ DEADwooD is said to have taken its name
y from peculiar incident: A man lost his wife, anC
ordered first class funeral. piece of the coffiI
was Clipped OFF and given TO the husband as
relic. When, afterward, he was sued for payment
he produced the piece with the explanation
- 'Ive got the dead wood on you; it's not rosewood
10 as you've charged, but pine"
ID RECEIPTS of cotton at New Orleans in one
10 day this week were 5000 bales against sO34 samt
,s day last year. Total receipts there this season
a reach 1862 1858 bales and are 200 in excess oflas
w. year to the same date. The receipts at Galveston
80 show decrease this season of nearly 5000 bales
3 Mobile is nearly 10000 bales Short while Charles
T. ton aud Savannah show but little change
in ON very grand occasions his majesty o
NJ d ahomey dispatches gorgeously got up embas
sador with a royal umbrella over his head, +
N take his compliments to his good friend, tn
VI ocean. 1t is an Office of much dignity and honor
u but not greatly sought AFTER because etlquett
~ prescribes that the ambassador, after being take
- - 10 sea in canoe, shall be thrown overheard b
80 - the sharks.
lg 1t is told of a prominent Wall street broke
that in his Office he is found stretched at his
n sillfon nOunh listaning N a raarnv Nynv 10 n