The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-08-01
TIE LiME.KILN CLUB.
A Reniinderl from President Gardner - \
singular Discovery Greatness, Etc.

Judge Cadaver has lately fallen into
the habit Of showing up at Paradise Hall
an hour before the meetings open, and
STUDYING art with no one to bother or
make him afraid. BY careful inspec-
ton Of the busts OF Caesar, Jackson,
CLAY. Shakespeare and Sumner, and by
close inspection Of the three or four
sacred horse-pistols, the four renowned
swords and tie halt.dozen chromOs, he
has become almost Il connoiSseur, and
eau almost tell the difference between a
genuine Reubels and tea-store plaque.
He was on hand as usual Saturday
evening. Samuel Shin left him stand
ing before the bust Of Cesar and went
down stairs after III onion. Upon his
return the Judge lay senseless on the
floor, and around him were the frag-
ments Of the busted bust. The Judge
had scarcely revived Wien the meeting
opened, but there was no shade Of pity
m Brother Gardeners voice as he arose
and said:
Judge Cadaver will be given two
weeks to replace de bust wild new one
rayin' dc same squirt to dc left eye. IL
case he fails to do so be will be fined
about 'leven hundred dollars. Gen'len,
dai' am few things [ would like to call
your 'tenshun to. De sezun has now
arrove for pullin' ole hats and pillers
outer de broken winders, an L seize de
occashun to ax YOU to remember:
"Dat front gate off its hinges means
a slip-shod man in de house.
dat a red nose means hungry flour
barrel.
"Dat no man eber got work sittin' on
de fence an discussin' de needs oh dc
kentry
dat de less pollytics a man has de
mo- cash he kin pay his grocer.
"Dat arguments on religion won't
build churches nor pay de- preachers.
dat family which nehber borrows
nor lends keeps nayburs de longest
"Dat beauty will starve in de parior
whar' common sense will grow fat i'll dc
kitchen.
"Dat de world am full Of mice-holes,
an all de cats need do am to watch an
wait.
"Dat economy doan' mean buyin'
kuliker fur yer wife an broad-cloth Ton
ynrself.
Dat progress doan' mean tittin' ole
l,ahs to new buildin's.
Dat liberty dom gin You dc right
TO eat anodcr mans chickens.
Dat success achieved by rascality an
4 fish net made o yarn.
Let lis now puIcccd 20 attack The
rrg'!ar progammy q business, an ii da
an any mo- coughiu and spittin' ober il
Il fur concr, smtin iiasons will witnc,s
pwceediu's dat will cast gloom ober i.
nrN fifty y'ars.'
wAYDoWN BEBEE's DISCOVERY.
Some weeks since Waydown Belle, Az
bounced u open meeting that he had
discovered direct motion of the earth
from north to south. aud hr predicted %
very poor cabbage crop in consequence.
The subject was given 10 the Committee
on Astronomy TO investigate and report.
With power to expcnd twcrty-iour cents
!, experiments, and at this meeting the
aud committee announced the Comp'r.
ton Of itslabors. Il Appeared that Broth.
er Behcr had discovered the new mo
ton in his own house. All thcfuruihrc
turned 10 the south, and the baby wd-
continually falling down IN that dir,c.
ton. 4 jar OF soft soap had wors,l
clear across the kitchen in one nigh,
and the family dog had TO lie with
his head to the east or west. The
committee had visited the house and
made careful survey, and the re.
suit WAS the discovery of the fact
that the south side Of Brother Bebcc5
cabin had sunk down eleven inches and
WIS still going. The theory Of new
motion was therefore disproved, and the
cahbnge crop was safe,
THE ROAD.
The Secretary then announced q letter
from the Office of the State Board oi
Health of Ohio, asking:
evil Brother Gardner please point
ont the road to greatncss?"
Oats 'cording to de kind of great
ness he means" said the President.
Great generals am made by bloody
butcheries; great orators am made by
takin' lessons in elocushun; great fnan-
cicrs am made by legally robbing dc
public; great statesmen am made by
stayin' in Congress 70 vars on salary
of $1,000 per Var an bringin' home
100000 Presidents am sometimes
voted into office, and sometimes dey
steal in. If this pusson will significate
de kind o greatness he desires to ober-
rnun Lis nnLin, lrnwa L racLon lii