The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-01-05
HUMOR.

A LADY's train has to take the back
track. So has the person who steps
on il.
THE wearer OF patched trousers is a
firm believer in the efficacy of patched
listers.
THE man who was hanged ut the
yard-arm had his obituary under the
head of "Shipnoose."
A cAUsTIc wit, in speaking of an inn
recunions friend, said: "He settles his
debts just like clock-work-tick tick,
tick"
A PAPER-BBICK mandatory is in OPP
Grafton in Wisconsin. Paper bricks
would be n capital thing for building in
the cyclone districts. They are always
Stationery"
"ARE churches practical ?" asks the
New York Tribune Well, they seem
to be. They contrive to get money out
of the tight-fsted old curmudgeons
who doge the tax-collector.
PRANK JAMES was printer We
partially agree with this statement.
That is we will compromise by admit
ting that he was devil. dollar store
joke. -Four of this style for $2.50)-
Bill Nye
A PoETEss in the Philadelphia Batlle-
tin, says II ask no gems of him love"
Step right up this way, dear; top floor,
second door to the right. You're the
girl we've been in search of ever since
we could afford to get married.-N. Y.
Commercial Advertiser.
"UGH" exclaimed Brown, 81 believe
/ shall freeze TO death; but I've got to
die sometime" he added, 'and might
as well die that way as any other"
much better" replied Fogg, consoling:
you'll have such an excellent chance to
thaw out on the other side, you know"
Boston Transcript.
BRoKER-"W What, Herr Hirschgold,
you venture to ask for my daughters
hand Really, don't know what to adj
mire most-your impudent boldness or
your shrewd speculation to get my
money. However, since q bold, impu-
dent man and q shrewd Spectator is
admirably adapted to-you shall be my
son-in-law."
AT little gathering fair hand
wrote this bon mot upon the dinner
card of limb of the law, briefess but
hopeful:
There was young man who said, ahl
really have entered the bar,
And j wait every day
For clients and saw
Where the deuce do you think people are?
A PARvENU having purchased an an
cient castle, with all the accessories, il
found by his daughter on the first cold
day warming his hands at fire which
he has had kindled in q suit of plate
armor. 90, pa, what have you been
doing?" The lord of the manor, with
satisfaction-"The Teller that patented
that ar stove must have been crazy, but
I've made the old thing heat up!"
A FRIEND, visiting in minister's fam
lily where the parents were very strict
in regard to the children's Sabbath de-
pertinent, was confidentially informed
by one of the little girls that she would
like to be minister. "Why!" inquired
the visitor, rather puzzled to under
stand what had given the child so sud
den an admiration for that calling. She
was quickly enlightened by the prompt
reply, $50 ] could holler on Sunday"
The dancing lady who tries to wear
the skirt of her dress under her arm and
the waist around her knees, and kicks
her slippers clear over the orchestra
chairs every night, gets 5000 week,
and the city missionary gets 5000
year; the horse-race scoops in $1,000
the first day, and the church fair lasts
week, works thirty of its best women
nearly to death, and comes out $40 in
debt.
MA" what is tho definition of an
achronism ?" why, my child, it is when
your pa gives check dated ahead, in
the hope that he will have money in
bank to meet it when it natures" ooh,
pshaw, that is not what / meant to ask.
What is the mean ng of that queer ex-
preston, hoping against hope?" "That
is where an inmate of the house of cor
rection hopes to catch the smallpox in
order that he may break out"
"YoUR case is hopeless" said an Ar
kansaw physician to patient. "You are
dying now, and the best thing you can
do is to prepare for death" Don't see
any chance for me, then ?" said the man
in weak voice. mo, sir, you are dy-
ing" Cant you keep me up till my
son gets back ?" II will try, but in case
he does not get here in time what must
/ tell him." "You see" said the dying
man. az sent him to the still-house with
n Jug this morning. If he don't get
back until after am gone, tell him to
tap the Jug lighG as / don't know where
we are going to get it filled again.
ArkaRSalC IrGueler.