The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1883-07-28
A SLIM BANQUET.
Mr. Spoopendyke Takes q Friend Home
With Him on washday.

"Say, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, closing the door carefully and APP
preaching his wife with broad grin on
his visage. "Say, my dear, Speckle-
wottle's down stairs in the parlor. He
has come to take dinner with us -
"Great gracious !" exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and
bustling up to the glass to arrange her
hair. "What did he come to-day for
Don't he know it's washday?"
"He came for dinner !" retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, turning pale around the
lips. "What dye s'pose he came for,
TO be waShed1 What's washday got to
do with it ? Think the man can be soak
ed in tub and hung over clothes
line with measly wooden pin astride
the small OF his back ? Well, he didn't ;
he came for grub, and you want TO hus-
n around and get it pretty lively for
him, or I'll begin to serve up things
myself before longi"
"But my dear" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, "there's nothing in the
mousse nc CiOtneS-
"Then serve up the clothes !" roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for
gotten the day of the week when he in
v:ted his friend, and now wanted his
wife to get him out OF the scrape some
how, and at the same time not let him
down with Specklewottle. "Just put
the clothes on platter and set 'cm be.
fore him. You can explain to him we
only eat three times week, like dog
in hot weather That'll satisfy him,
so long as he has the clothes to eat !"
"You don't imagine he would want
to eat the clothes do you1" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, innocently.
"Just try him - yelled Mr.. Spoop-
ndyke, enraged at the idea Of being
uken literally. "Just try him and
ding in some natural grace you always
i put on at the table 'Mr. Specklewottle,
have some Of this fricassccd pctticoat ?
and Spoopcndyke held out the legs OF
his trousers as a woman holds out her
skirts, and waltzcd around the room.-
'Mr. Specklewottle, have a little OF
this polched night-shirt1 ? Now, Mr..
Speckelwottle, do try one of the fried
socks ard slice of the pillow shaml'
Dear Mr.. Specklewottle, pray let me
help you to a slice OF this shirt collar
and pair Of stuffed cuffs make them
myself, and though they are not as
good as--that's the way to do i'll"
continued Mr.. Spoopcndykc, suddenly
concluding his remarks with war
whoop, and presenting himself before
his wife all out of breath. "Think
you've got that bill of fare all right ?
See your way clear to a successful din.
ner party nowF"
"There's some cold shad down stairs,
and think there is a raw ham in the
cellar" ruminated Mrs. Spoopcndykc,
Regarding her husband with a startled
look Of inquiry as il asking ifhc thought
specklewottle would mind the meat be.
ing raw and the fish trinc cold. al
don't think he has anything home on
Mondays except cabbage and beans
perhaps he may have doughnuts and pic, ="
she continued, hastily, seeing her hus.
band swelling with a retort. "And
I'm sure doughnuts and pie are good.
"rhat's what he wants." howlcd Mr..
Spoooendykc. "Bring forth the shad
that Rozc TO death in the house Of
Spoopendyke Produce the ham with
crumbkd horn that froze to death in
the holse Of Spoopendyke Develop
the mcssly banquet and let JOY be un-
confined Amt ye got any more sense
than bung-holel Think I'm going to
bring the aristocracy here to fasten on
dead fish and live hogs1 How long are
you gong to let that man sit down
stairs TO a state OF starvation? 'Wherc's
the roast OF beef brought home the
other dayf"
al think we ate that all up the day il
came home," sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
'sDo you mean that roast with the queer
little sticks in it1"
"The same," replied Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, heaving himselffor another ordeal.
sDid we eat the sticks1 Am ! to under.
stand that there is not one blasted
stick left of all that affluent luxurious
ness1 Lift the impenetrable veil Of OBJ
scurity of the secluded bower, Of the
shrinking sticks, he yelled, as it dawned
on him that Snecklewottle was in the
parlor waiting to be fed, and that III.
cruel problem was no nearer soluted
that when he started. "Let us unrayel
the mystery that hangs like pail ovel
the fate Of the unhappy sticks, tha