The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1883-04-18
VARIETIES.

A mule is unlike a poor rule, be-
cause he works both ways.
A man never knows what genuine
poverty is until he has to shave with
soft soap.
"At last / know there is such a
thing as cold snap" remarked the
burglar to the sheriff, as he clapped
the steel shackles on the shekel
stealer.
The central telephone Office at Ak
ron, Ohio, was beseiged an hour and
a half by woman trying to get her
husbands ear to tell him an import
ant piece OF news. When she was
put in communication with him all
she had to say was, ''Baby's got a
tooth through 1t she had not suc>
ceeded in sending that message she
would have cried all the rest of the
day.
Not long ago an officer of the army
whoshaviug lost upper teeth, wore a
false set, was engaged in serious cor.
versation with some Indians. His
plate troubling him, he took il out
and wiped it with bis handkerchief.
The Indians watched the process
with unfeigned establishment. When
the captain, putting the plate in his
mouth, went on with the conversa-
ton, they sprang to their feet and
left the room aud post in all haste,
and with every symptom of extreme
terror.
A lady had in her employ an ex-
cellent girl who had one fault. Her
face was always in a smudge. Mrs.
- tried to tell her to wash her
face without offending her, and at
last resorted to strategy. "Do you
know, Bridget" she remarked in
confidential manner, sit is said if you
wash your face every day in hot wa
ter it will make you beautiful"
evil it?" answered the willy Bridget.
"Sure it's wonder We niver tried it,
ma'am!"
An uptown naturalist has made a
study Of the language of animals and
has got so that he. can understand
horse talk. He says the other day
he heard lean, tired, overworked
car horse remark to his equally tired
companion: "Oh! how l wish the firm
OF Blank and Blank would buy us for
their delivery wagon" @Why so?n
asked the other horse Because,
sas thssgeRIg I. ! I'd Rlslaa 1
don't advertise and never have any
delivering to do Eue'si'a0 NesOs.
One OF our most influential Georgia
grangers was experimenting affairs
at his cotton press the other day, ac-
s cording to the Georgia Major, when
4 he was accosted by a neighbor. 81
see, Colonel, that the Tariff bill has
passed" SIS that SO? How about cot
ton ties?" "Still IS per cent. ad va
lorem." swell, here, you boys, thar!
sift another shovel O. sand in the
middle OF that bale; can't afford to
reform until the tariff does" And
the sitting was strictly attended TO.
A member OF Congress-was he
from Michigan?-was recently invi
ted to dinner in Washington. He
says: "There wasn't anything on the
table when | got there but some
forks and spoons and bricky.brac
Presently they brought in some soup.
AS / didn't see nothing else, thought
I'd eat all the soup l could, though
soup is mighty poor dinner to in
vite a teller to. So | was helped
four times; and then come on the
finest dinner ever see, and there l
sci" groaned he, "chock full OF soup"
Detroit free Press.
The occasional star, known as the
Star of Bethlehem, is expected to
appear some time during this year,
or the next. 1t was seen by Tycho
Brahe 1882, and astronomical re-
searches showed that the same star,
or one very similar, had appeared in
the same part of the heavens in 945
and 1864. 1t is, therefore, inferred
that the great star of 1872 is a waria-
BILE with period of something over
800 years. By counting back from
its first appearance in 945, we are
brought to the near vicinity OF
Christ's birth, hence the star has been
called the Star of Bethlehem.