The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1883-04-07
SHORT BITS.

| Miss Catherine Wolfe, Of California.
good looking, and worth SIC, ,000, 900 IN
her own right, is said 10 receive an offer
of marriage every week. What lots Of
fun she must have.
An Irishman once received doctors
bill. He looked it carefully over, and
said he had no objection TO paying for
the medicines. bnt the visits he ould re-
turn.
A new book is called sUnspotted from
the World" It evidently refers to Cap
tain HoWgate He's Hunepotted" as far
as the police are con eerned NorristoWn
Herald.
i Statistics show that the largest number
of..marriages are by persons under TWEEN
ty-three years of age. Does this prove
that as people grow older they become
wiser?-C Chron. Herald.
A man always looks through his pock-
cts four times before handing his coat to
his wife to have q button seWed on, and
even then he is filed with nameless
fear until the job is completed.
| A New York druggist is going to open
twenty-four soda fountains In London
this summer. It will be fun to see the
Englishmen sit down to wait for the foam
| Whenever you see a man coming out
of country drug store, wiping his mouth
with the back of his hand, You may know
that the town is suffering under COM
bined attack of malaria and license law.
/ A Philadelphia baker is having new
oven built, which he thinks will beat the
world. It is modelled alter q modern
hotel, only the central few has no eleva-
tor in it.-Phil. News.
The clergy do not object to the theatre
SO much on general grounds as upon the
special ground that the comparison of the
attractions of pulpit and stage is not 81
J together fattering to the former.
A college graduate" writes to inquire
if We understand ssthe generic impor-
tance of the term fragment We do.
We look upon th eword as the biography
of the first man that ever attempted to
trim the tail of Georgia mule.
The scorn which is really kindly and
,, appreciative, tells much more effectively
: than the scorn which is purely con-
, temptuous. Who you can afford frankly
to praise-as you praise child-there
! is no danger of returning to adore.
g The Milwaukee hotel clerk says he was
too busy with his office duties to alarm
the guests in time for them TO escape
from the flames. He was probably max.
ing out their bills so that they could be
e presented to relatives who claimed the
; bodies.
! Impudent little boy Ito very fat old
gentleman, who is trying to get along as
q fast as he can, but with very Indifferent
: success) 81 say, old fellow, you would
= get on a jolly sight quicker if yon would
lie down on the pavement and let me roll
9 you along.
Professor Julien asserts that the brown
stone houses of New York will entirely
crumble away in less than one thousand
years, so ruinous is our atmosphere.
That settles it. We shall not build O
: brownstone house. 1t wouldn' t be econ
omy.-Nor. Herald.
Knickerbockers all through: ss0h.
! yes, exclaimed Mrs. Suddenriches, ssour
: aunt's sisters were Knickerbockers all
i through, and theysused to give balls and
! parties In the old cologne days which for
i swelldom and style beat the Dutch !''
r New York Mail and Express.
| Fifteen genuine Sioux Indians who are
!. seeing Gotham amuse the people ct 8
|, hotel By eating with their hands and
q dressing outlandishly. AS they wear silk
q hats they think they are civilized. This
is very common mistake among othez
n people besides Indians. Lowell Citizen.
. A young gilded Tor as they 8y row,
!, nickel-plated) youth of New York. or.
: dered pair of pantaloons of his tailor.
and returned them as too tight. "You
!, I told me to make them skin-tight." said
the man. Yes" said the youth. ssI can
! sit down in my skin, but can't IN
= these.
y A Judge having fallen asleep during .
:. trial lawyer <. suddenly ceased pleading
= and exclaimed: ST will welt until hil
= honor wakes before finishing "But.
= answered the opposing counsel, per
haps his honor will wait until you have
finished before waking. From ths
re French.
le A little boy was out with his biz
o brother shooting. They came TO church
is yard There, in tree, an owl was sit
/, ting. The boy With gun shot il, to th,
& horror of his little brother, who ex
RS claimed: "Oh, TOMMY what have yos
le been and done? You have been and sho
le cherry ybum?"
IN II don't want no rubbish, no fine sen
N timents, if you please, said the widos
ne who was asked what kind Of an epitap]
I'd she desired for her late husbands tomb
er stone. eLet it be short and simple
ne something like this: "William johnson
IS. aged 70 years. The good die young.
q, Brooklyn Eagle.
Rev. Mr.. Talmage says the eve wink
= thirty thousand times day. Whe
~ the owner of the eye enters drug stors
a a the clerk behind the soda-water fouutai
- - can pick the right wink out Of hundre
- - the first time. Mr. Talmage fails to ex
- - plain this wonderful mind reading pow
:. er on the part of the clerk --Norristow
II - Herald.
al Mr.. de G. is in visit with painter:
tie looks at q portrait. "What beautifu
srt paintingi That Is hot of tone In devi
ne brayol That is living; that is superl
us But for what have you chose model /
figure IDIOT" Take guard, mister, tns
is my sisteri" sAh, Sapristil Thousan
le- pardons-that is true; at the resen
,he blance.. should have onght me IN
raj poubt.
M Madame B. called upon the instructo
Zen at the boarding school where her boy
is, being educated and expressed her aston
by ishment that the pupil was fifteenth
I'LL the list, when only ten scholars had con
tie. peted. II beg your pardon. madam,
Us. said the instructor, this is how fn
on- error happened. As your boy Is Away
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