The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-06-08
1.-THE PROBLEM.


A monarch wise; two ladies fair;
A youth not blessed with rank or money,
A Royal Tiger from his lair;
These are our drdndtts peTs0nE.
The King was greatl That potentate
Full wisely steered the ship of STATE;
And, ;most Of all, his shrewdness showed
In his Majestic Penal Code.
An amphitheater, nobly used,
Served as a court where each accused
BY his own act strict justice got;
Or twas ms fault If he did not.
The culprit, real or supposed,
Was placed before two portals, closed;
Then, uncontrolled, self-guided quite,
He took his choice 'twixt left and right
Behind the one, In wait for him,
A tiger lurlked severe and grim.
The oGher hid lovely maid,
sXoung, rich, for wedlock all arrayed.
Which door to open? Death or life?
"A beast of prey! A lawful wifei
No wonder if he gasped and tarried:
: we all do when we'er killed-or married.
The trial, from it's institution,
Down to the final execution
Not having any lawyers in it,,
Took just the space Vt hdtf q IStTltttc.
In this grand scheme of penal laws
So free from doubt, delay, excitement-
Each Of the tigers separate claws
Was separate clause in the indictment.
Said we not well this King was shrewd
VINO this strong, SIMPLE plan pursued?
The crowd amUSed-Law Yindicated-
The tigers fed-the maidens mated!
The Kings own daughters inclination
Was toward youth of lowly station,
And since he was, like Barks willin',"
eHe must have been hardened villain.
So the police pursued him, caught him,
And to the Colosseum brought him;
And thither came the monarch proud,
The Princess, and the baser crowd.
Behind the scenes another maiden
Attends, with all her gewgaws laden.
While close at hand, to left-or right
The tiger-with his appetite.
The throng now see the culprit enter
And pause at the arenas center:
Turn, face the royal box, and bow;
Alas How feels the Princess now?
She only, favored by the Fates,
Knows the dread problem of the gates
Which hides her rivals hateful face,
and which the tigers lurking-place.
Her luckless lover vainy tries
To read her secret in her eyes.
what sign can reach his straining sighti
She lifts one lily hand-the right
lie bows again and turns away;
Races the double-gated wall,
Advances firmly, and-that's ALL
Right here the story halts The sequel
It's author left with chances equal
Did Love decree the youths survival
Although united to rival9
1.-THE SOLUTION.
This tiger, savage, sleek and strong,
tasted there q nj
AND grown TO be far hungrier than
Wild quadrupedal Doctor Tanner.
He shifted the wall that did divide
Him from the maid on t'other side.
one sniff, two shifts, three shifts were all;
linen he forthwith tore dolOt the aUdsl.
Sir Tiger now has had his fill;
Another pound would make him ill.
lie no more need for persons raw
Ihan Barnums tiger stuffed with straw.
Too long we've let our hero stand
since ms fa1r Princess raised her hand
Boldly he opes the rightrhand portal
Then stdsgers back in terror mortal
From out the gateway, crouching low,
Inc Tiger steps, sedate and slow.
stops, stoops, unsheathes and sheathea his
claws
While all may note the awful pawsl
file gives the youth a scornful glance,
a nd passes on with looks aslIance
lie does not seem to care to eat him
Meets him. In fact, but doesnt meat him.
He smooths his whiskers walks the ring.
-, Winks at the Princess and her lover,
Then smiles serenely at the King
And scans the multitude all over.
His lordly form and bearing made
a., setting for the part he played.
lie "a the sands of that theayter
FROM top to toe looked glad he ate her.
He peered and purred and paced awhile,
MI Mlth that same soft, seductive smile,
Ihen TO shady corner crept
ana laid him down and sweetly slept.
The King in this portent sees.
Quoth he, while quake the royal knees:
90, daughter, quickly as you can
ana wed that praiseworthy young man."
The Princess trips across the sands
10 where her lover, waiting, stands
Ihey re married fast, mid cheers and laughter.
AND then-live happy ever after.
Oft did the swain in later life
demand the secret from his wife;
And by all arts strove to oblige her
10 tell tOblch door had hid the tt0er,*
But she, as all historians say,
Kept silent to her dying day:
90 no SUep further ever made he
10 solve the problem death or Lady"
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