davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
WIT AND HUNUg.
Few people are so selfish as to keep
their opinions to themselves.

Few people are SO selfish as to keep
their opinions to themselves.
a correspondent wishes to know il
the 'Lay on Macduif" was one OF
Shakspeare's earlier poems.
~What makes the sea salt?" said the
teacher, and young America shouted,
The Goldfish that are in it."
The blind man should be the mos
contentcd man in the world. because
he can have everything he sees.
The drum is to be abolished from
use in the French army. For lOns
time it has been snare and thing OF
hollow pretensions.
A little girl, defining "bearing false
witness against your neighbour" said
''it was when nobody did nothing,
and somebody went and told of it.
'Now tell me candidly, are you
guilty?" asked q lawyer Of his client.
"Why, do you suppose I'd be fool
enough to hire you ii L was innocent?'
'"Sit downI' said a nervous old gen
tleman TO mis- son, who was. making too
much noise. Il won't do it," was the
ilnpudent answer. well, then, stani
up, Twill be obeyed!'
An Illinois chap, in describing a gale
OF wind, says: "a white dog, while
attempting to weather the gale, was
caught with his mouth open, and turn
ed completely inside out"
Adjutant (to newly-joine recruit,
who presents HIMSELF: "Well, my
man, what's your business?" Recruit /:
''Shure now, if l knew what l wanted,
should l be afther askin you, sorr?"
When a young farmers wife made
her first boys pants precisely as SIM
pie before as behind, the father eX-
claimed: Goodness, he won't know
whether he is going to school or COM
ing home!"
Physician (to government clerk)--
"Well, what do you complain OFF,
G.. C.-SleeplessRess, DOCTOR" Physi-
cian-"At what time do you go 10
bud?" G. C.-"Oh, 1 don't mean al
night; but during Office hours"
Grandfather; "You are stupid
Charley; the dullest boy ever saw
Charlie: "You must not expect ne
to understand things as quickly as you
do, grandfather, because you DONE
have the trouble to get 'ein through
your hair"
1t is said that the deepest gorge il
the world has been discovered in Col.
orado. We always had the impression
that the biggest gorge in this country
might be witnessed at railway sta
ton where the train stops Give min
utes for dinner"
An old judge of the New York SUI
preme court meeting q friend i'll ;
neighboring village, exclaimed, "Why
what are you doing here!' Pm a
work, trying to make an honest liv
ing" was the reply. "Then you'll sue
ceed," said tie judge, "for you'll hav,
no competitions"
When the political situation wa
decidedly complicated, a diplomats
asked Talleyrand one night what wa
his opinion as to the course of events
my opinion" said Talleyrand, bland
ly, swell, l have one opinion i'll tn
morning and another i'll The afternoon
bnt never have IN opinion at night.
Liverstick has been i'll for som
weeks, and Jones, meeting Smith, asks
"How's Liverstlck, Smith-any bet
teri" "Well," says Smith, Ibis ply
stefan is hopeful" YES, yes, respond
cd Jones, "Lhat's all very well; but i
his undertaken hopeful! That's NOR
to the purpose" Jones is such Il pecu
liar fellow.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
Prcce5s of Making Sorghum Sugar.

Much progress has recently been
made in the separation and crystalliza-
tion of the sugar of the sorghum plant.
The following are the principal points
to be observed: The juice from the
mill is placed in copper vessels and
heated to IT'S degrees, T., when success
sive quantities OF milk of lime are add
ed, and stirred in until htmus paper is
tinged purple The juice is boiled and
the black scum removed until the liquid
becomes clear. ct is an important mat
ter of experience to know the amount
of lime to be added. The clear juice
is drawn from the defacator into the
evaporating pan, when sulphuric acid is
cautiously added, and stirred in until
blue itmus paper dipped into it, is red
dened. The evaporation is continued
until the desired density is reached,
when the syrup is placed in warm
room to crystahze. Professor Henry,
of Wisconsin University, who has made
valuable experiments with amber cane,
gives the following preliminary rules
GO not cut the cane until the seeds be
gin to harden Do not allow the cane
to stand stripped in the field, but work
it up as soon as possible after beng
cut. Defecate the juice as soon as pos
sible after leaving the mill. "-Anleri-
can Ag3'icaltoTiSt.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
Camping Out.

We had camped out often enough to
have the rough edge of our desire for
such dissipation worn off. We knew
that camping out meant 4 saddle for a
pillow, for bed "the yielding earth"
that always develops extraordinary
solidity and sharp-cornered stones dur
ing the night; for covering "the star
besprinkled dome of night and an old
horse-blanket full of holes. We knew
that it also meant getting up at about
midnight, untangiing your horse from
the rope wound all around his legs /;
turning ont again at , a. m. and prowl-
ing around in the dark locking for wood
to renew the fire and keep from freez-
ing to death. It meant getting ants In
your ears, creeping things up your
trousers legs, and finally getting up at
davbrcak sore and bruised, shivcring
over campfire, getting smoke in your
eyes, overturning tire coff'ee-pot and
getting cussed by all the rest Of the
partv.-Te ras SUtingS.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
Wheat and Cradles?

Wise statisticians assert that the
wheat crop is so intimately associated
with the question of marriages that "it
is possible to calculate the ratio be-
tween the number of bushels raised and
the number of marriages to take place"
That is to say, the amount of produc-
sion cradled.-Bostoa1 Star.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
What Is Pure Religion!

'De pure an undefled ligion," says
the Rev. Plato johnson, SIS always
10 be foun' in mans pocket. Dat is q
Gurus place to look fer 'igion. but eff
tain + there den faint nowhere. De man
dat can't put his hands en- his ligion
wen lie puts on his hands his peck
et-book amt got none. When man
talks load bout his igion, dat is only
purtense; but wen he shells out de
hard cash he G.. foolin'-he means
l,izYacc
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

WHEN Mrs. M gave package OF
patent French coffee to Bridget, the
cook, she said: Remember, Bridget,
that two boils are necessary to make it
right" Bridget retired to the kitchen,
but came again within few minutes to
Mrs. M in an apparently high state
of excitement. "Sure, num-" she said,
"an' it's insulted I am! rnever had a
boil in me life, and don't intend to
have two ivry mornin' jist bekase yees
wants yer patent French cofIee!"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

BOOTS AND SHOES at auction. 1 VIII sell
ID at public auction, beginning on Monday,
April 9, at 10 o'clock a. M, at No. 2l3 West
Third street. near the 7 corners, the entire stock
of boots and shoes belonging to NJ. FroeEch, Esq,
who is retiring from business. Mr.. Froelich's
stock is well known to our citizens, and consists
of the best class OF Eastern made goods, to
eether with sewed and pegged work made in Tbe
shop, all of which will be sold to the public by
single pairs. p. T. KAYANAGII, AuctioEeer.
1890
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

AN old lady in the country had q
dandy from the city to dine with her
on a certain occasion. For dessert
there happened to be ar enormous APP
pie pie. "La, ma'am!' said he, chow
do you manage to handle such a pie p
Easy enough" was the reply; we
make the crust up in wheelbarrow.
wheel it under the apple-tree, and Then
shake the fruit down INTO it."
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES.
OUel D0menlaecl

It was just Cousin Jack, and so-what was the
harm?
We sat on the stops, for the evening was warm;
We spoke very softly, and-as to his arm,
1t vas just Cousin JACK, and so-whGt was the
harm?
The scent of the hay-felds crept up from the
farm,
We were quite in tie dark, save the fre-fies'
swarm.
Ut was just Cousin Jack, and so-what was the
harm y
A bird, from the hedge whirring up, broke The
charm;
he bent, as I started in foolish alarm
And-twas just Cousin Jael, and so-what was the
harm?
-ELean0r Putnam, IN The Century.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

DARTIES having Real Estate or Personal
6 property to dispose of by auction, VIII do
well to list the same with one who, although not
having the requisite thirty years. experience in
New York city to enable him, upon the glories
of past reputation, to limit his efforts to only
lines of very elegant household furniture, first
class merchandise, fine art, jewelry, etc., is able
to bring such sales to more successful issue
than more pretentious veterans in the business.
One who does not entrust his business to incor-
petent help, but brings to bear upon all consign-
ments the benefits OF practical experience OF q
man whose business career has thus far been
passed in st. Paul. For particulars see another
column. P. I. KAVANAGH, Auctioneer.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

A SSIGNEE'S SrOCK-S sou worth OF dry
N goods. men and boys fine clothing, gents
furnishing goods, hats, caps, boots, shoes, ETC.,
ETC., at auction! viii sell at auction, COM
mencing on Wednesday, April 4th, at 10 o'clock
a. M, at the store, No. 145 East Third street,
the STOCK of L. W. Schmitz, proprietor of the
C.. 0. D. Clothing House of Fergus Falls. AS
this stock is composed Of the finest grades of
boots and shoes, mems and boys clothing, ETC.,
ETC., and the time of sale is limited to the Goth
day OF April, it will be necessary for rapid
work 70 close the same in that time, as the
terms of assignee preclude the possibility 9i
holding trade sale. The goods must be sold,
surely, by that time. Come early and secure
bargains. p. T. KAVANAGH, Auctioneer.
9S-t04
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
TTVHE GREATEST OPPORTUNITY YET or

FTNHE GREATEST OPPORTUNITY YET or
l. fered. The only available large tract OF
land, between the two cities, for sale at bay
gain for 30 days only. The well-known Des-
meyer estate, CONTAINING $40 acres of fine avail
able properly ON the line of the Chicago, Mil
waukee, St. Paul Minneapolis Short Line, I'M
mediately adjoining the city limits OF Mime
apolis, and within three-quarters of mile Of
the c., NJ, st. p. & NJ. shops, in Minneapolis.
This property will show more rapid advance in
value than any property in this section. The at
tention of capitalists is called to the fact that
this tract is offered for the next 80 days at a
great bargain. For particulars inquire OF
P. I. KAYANAGH, Auctioneer.
$3.50 80 East Third Street.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

A TTENTION, CAPITALISTS!-A valuable
IN piece Of property in Lower Town at a bar
gain. The property of the Catholic Orphan
Asylum to be sold within the next sc days. The
above valuable piece of ground is in the imme-
date rear of the residence of Bruno Beaupre,
Esq, and has frontage of 255 feet on Olive
street, 265 feet on Grove street, and lis feet
frontage on John street. This fine piece Of prop
erty will be offered as whole for the next 80
days. Apply to P. I. KAVANAGH,
$3.50 Auctioneer, 10 East Third street.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
GfNSN Takes lots well situated in
Stinson's Division. Middleton

-
SlOOO stinson's Division. Middleton
& Dougan, 1855 East Third.
So, 500-House and lot on East Thirteenth
street: terms easy. Middleton y Dougan, l66
East Third street.
81, 100-2 lots on Dayton avenue, one cor
ner lot. Middleton & Dougan, 166 East Third
street.
S1,7OO-House and lot on Fuller street, 6
rooms, good cellar, etc., within short distance
of street R. r. Middleton & Dougan, 166 East
Third street.
Sl25 lot buys block in Banning & DIVERS
addition to West St. Paul. Call and see about
it at Middleton & Dougan's, 166 East Third
street.
S3,500-House, z rooms, cellar, cistern, barn,
ect., within short distance of street cars. Mid
dleton & Dougan, l66 East Third.
Houses and lots on Colbourne street between
Michigan and st. Clair streets, near street rail-
road, IS, 600, $500, $4,000. Middleton &
Dougan, No. 166 East Third street.
$1,000. University avenue lot in desirable 10
cality Middleton Il Dougan, No. 166 East
Third street.
Lots in Arlington Hills addition. Middleton
Dougan, No. l66 East Third street.
$4,000 Lot corner Fifth and Kittson streets,
50xl00 feet. Middleton & Dougan, No. l66
East Third street.
Business property, improved and unimproVed.
Residence property, acres, and White Bear
property. Full list can be found at Middleton &
Dougan's, 166 East Third street.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
KaV4xAcH,s -zUorroNs.

a UCpION SALE-I viii sell on Saturday,
IL April I4th, at 10 a. m, at the corner Of
Third and Cedar streets, 10 mich COWS. Short
Horas and Jerseys. p. 7. KAYANAGH.
98-I04 aEctioneeT.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
FLEANCLAL.

& E7 HI lcab upon or buy Life ms. Folio lie
~ T. ? Fsn Norman, $50 jackson. SO
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

M ANTED--A girl to help at doing house
w work in small family. Apply S35
Pleasant avenue 96-102
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

M ANTED-A good girl for general house
w work in family Of three; German or
Swede preferred. SIT Washington street, OF
posite City Hall. 96-98
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

M ANTED-Girl for homework at No. 90
w West Fifth street. $500
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

NM ANTED-A thorough energetic gardener,
W who understands tree planting and good
hard work. man and wife preferred, and at
once; apply by letter at house, Grotto and Lin
coin streets. DR.. J. Il. Bryant. 98-i04
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
ReaT Estate.

Z IST your property for sale and orders for
IL purchases with Geo. II. Hazard, Real
Estate and Loan Agent, ITO East Third street,
st. Paul. 30
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

WANTED Tailor-must be sober and
w steady-to repair clothing. "a West
Third street. 1898
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
Rooms.

ITO LEASE-Business lot at foot of Missisz
4 siprl street, SGT Broadway. 6l*
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

NOR RENr-Part large store, from May LIST.
II Apply Is East Seventh street. 96-98
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
go RENT

THIRD STREET STORE-Three floors, to
L rent; five years from May LIST. J. ". Nc
Chung. 98-lOO
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

Ma ANTED-1 diningroom girl. Grand Cen
w trail hotel. 96-102
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

NM ANTED-12 or Is stone masons; only
w frst-class men. Apply to John Z.
O'Brien, Opera House, st. Paul. 96-156
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

| AAI ANTED-A man TO take care OF horses
| wv and do the chores around the house.
Must be well recommended. Inquire II West
Fourth street. 95-10l
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

M ANTED-Two good sewing girls, at Miss
Wv Bolaads, SO Summit avenue. 95-lO1
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

WANTED-A good female cook to cook night
w orders. Highest wages paid. Apply at the
Boston Restaurant, Minneapolis. 95*
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
SITUATIONS OFFERED.

VIZ ANTED- competent girl for general
w homework. Good wages. Apply at
No. 102 Western avenue, st. Anthony hill.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

yKTANTED-An experienced dress maker, to
Wv sew in family, for weeks. Inquire at
$40 Franklin street. 94-l0O
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
MISCELLANEOUS.

NJ ANTED-A tent, 10x12 or 12xl4. J. VIII
w Hams, 90 West Fifth street. $3.50
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

n BRINCKERHOFF, civil engineer and arch
,. itect.' Town sites and railroads laid out
md mapped; also plans and estimates for build
ng furnished. Comm rcial hotel, 147 East
Seventh street. 93-9S
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

Nj ANTED-A first rate girl for general
w homework. 169 Western avenue, corner
| Selbv avenue. 93-99
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

U OTIS at $50 each, or viii sell for SO cash
IL and S. per month for 3 years without in
teresf r. z. Marvin. *S6
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09
FIVE CENTS LINE
SITUATIONS WANTED.

M ANrED-Employmen by a young lady.
Wv Call at AGA Fort street north. e9-l01
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-09

A DRESSaIAKER wishes sewing in families
IA by the day or piece. No. 37S Dayton ave-
nue.. 9I-lO3
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1883-08-02
j. w. ROBERTSON &c Cos
Subscription Department

are prepared to further orders publish
and
AT the present time receive mail
the
scandinavian 80 -' ahu
furnish the panS ~
'-"sa~ine' :" ~" rue VI subscription
The Penn's Grove record., 1883-08-11

On Thursday afternoon last Willie a
party of boys, numbering about ten,
we're fishing and grabbing on the float,
one of them, the junior of the crowd,
wa knocked overheard and after con-
siderable kicking and splashlng, barely
escaped with his life. So much for dis
obedience. The little fellow Was sent
on an errand and told to hurry home.
Instead of going where he was sent, he
took a strool along the shore and "chum
ed inn with some other boys, which re-
suited as above stated. As soon as he
got out Of the water he started for the
RECORD office, and upon entering said:
ssMoth-mother sent me here with
fifty cents to pay for the paler."
We took the money and when hand
ing him a receipt, noticed that his cloth
ing were wet, when we asked,
GLOW did you get so wet?"
"Why | went down the shore and
saw some boys going out to the float
ney' and 1 went with them and fell
overheard
"What boys did you see down there"
we asked.
IIa mentioned over several names,
and at last came to-that OF our "devil, "
(just where we expected he was, and
said:
81 saw him down there and thought
i would come up when he did, but
when | fell overheard, l remembered
that mother told me TO hurry home"
The above is a sample of everyday
life among the Young Americas of
this place. They do nothing the whole
year, (don't even go to SCHOOL,, but run
around, (they wouldn't steal anything),
and they are 50 trifling that you can't
get them to 50 across the street on an
erraHd for less than % cents.
The Penn's Grove record., 1883-08-11

Quite a serious accident occurred at
Woodbury. as the excursion train, with
the excursionists from Wilmington
were returning home IN Thursday
, evening. The cars had just come from
Atlantic City and as engine No. g., of
the Delaware iiver Railroad, was
backing up to them, q freight train
came along and dashed INTO the rear
car of the excursion train, showing two
| of the cars over the engine No. B. The
engineer, Benjamin Dilks, and fireman
Charles Il. Robinson, barely escaped
with their lives, by jumping from their
engine. A small boy, said to be a ''dev
il' of one of the Woodbury. papers,
who was standing by the engine No. 3,
had both legs and an arm broken. Two
cars, loaded with passengers, were
thrown on their side. 1t is thought
| that none of the ex~cursionists were seri
ously injured. Full particulars, with
the name of the other engineer, will be
given in orr next.
The Penn's Grove record., 1883-08-11

On Monday last, while 6usiiyengaged
at our Iabors, two gentlemen III came
into our Office, and anyone outside
Judging from the ~''screeches'' that
came from between their ''lby-white''
lips, would have thought they were
under the influence of spiritnous 'iiq-
uids. No spirometor has ever been in
vented that would do the desired work
IF noise has anything to do with the
souMdness of their lungs. What was
the result? Why, they got insulted,
because we told them in ii Rough sort
of a way, to be still and keep off of
those posters, which were lying on the
floor drying at the time. One of them
''struck out" for the door and a that
point VAS reached, something like the
following, echoed and re-echoed against
the walls of our sanctum, "Yon can
go to h---for me-" The ether took
it more cool and remained, and was
treated as a gentleman. We wish IL
understood, that anyone Welcomes in
IL Office and acts like a gentleman,
will be treated as snch by us, but in
cases as above stated, we loose all pa
thence. More attention to ecclesiast:c-
al studies may prompt you in your
actions, my friends.
The Penn's Grove record., 1883-08-11

Was Il streets made for a race
course? If so, put them in better con-
dition; if not, put a stop to fast driv-
ing. Fast driving was witnessed all
day long on Sunday, but thesGay's sun
did not hide itself behind the Western
hills before an accident occurred.
Claude Ward, aged about 7 years, son
of Samuel p. Ward, was run over by
some parties, while racing their horses
above Union Corner, on Sunday after
noon. The little fellow, in 4tny
with others of his size and sex, were
running along the road, and along
came iour teams, side by side, extend
ing the entire width of the road, lash
ing their horses to their utmost speed.
Tie horses of one of the teams struck
the boy, knocking linn headlong into
the sand, and the buggy passed over
his head and shoulders. The occupants
of the buggy never tried to check the
speed of their horse afer the accident
occurred, but sped on toward the Camp
Woods, as though fearing an officer Of
the law. The child received several
skin bruises about IL 9 head, but is not
able to use his left arm, on account Of
the shoulder being hurt inwardly. The
little fellow, we are glad to state, is
doing as well as can he expected, but it
might have resulted in death. Where
is the authority 10 prohibit fast driving
on u streets? Have we none? If
such DO the case, why not cali a special
election, and nominate our ''deviln as
ean6idateP Other cities and towns aye
prohibiting fast driving OH their streets
and why not Ne do the same? Citizens
take hold of this matter before another
accident with more serious results take
place.
The Penn's Grove record., 1883-08-11

Martha, wife of Thomas Lawrence,
of Warrington, was out a few days
ago picking bldekberries, when a large
snake hidden under the foliage seized
the lady's hand. So vicious was the
reptile that it held on till lifted from
~thcground, and finally when tie snakes
hold Was broken, it was found that
two of Mrs. Lawrence's fingers had re-
ceixpd painful hurts. While the
wounds have been swollen and sore,
there is hopes that the fingers will not
prove tobe poisoned By the bite OF the
snake. While picking berries at this
season, persons cannot be too careful
to look out for lurking reptiles In the
bushes. -hegiSter.