The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-08-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Dlllltt VI w dllo"4l DdDI.
Passed balls-Last winters festivi-
ties.-LoweU Courier.
Every machinist has at least one
Vice.-NeU York Ne,Cs.
Even the quietest woman can make
a hustle when she takes a notion to-
The Judge.
Can't get drunk on water? Non
sense, Go on a yachting trip and see
if you can't.-Boston Transcript.
"Please give me something, sir"
says an old oma 81 had a blind
child he vas my only means of
subsistence. and the poor boy has
recovered his sight
Papa" said a lad the other night.
after attentively studying for some
minutes an engraving of a human
to keep in his dinner?'
The " assisted" emigrant is one that
is sent to this country as a pauper,
with passage paid. The assisted /"
tramp is one that is urged out of your
yard with a boot.-Pic1yune.
A London oculist says that culture
diminishes the size of the eyes. Now
just listen to that Everybody knows
that small is are a sign of the entire|
absence of culture.-BOston Tram
script.
Mr.. Alexis Campbell was locked up|
by the st. Louis police because, afte1|
nine sherry cobblers, he couldn't walh
or stand straight. 1t was the last
straw, you see, that broke the Camp
bells back.-LVe.
An amateur scientist has discovered
that the mercury climbs up high id
warm weather in order to keep cool
Paste this on your thermometer whe1
the next hot ave comes sizzling
along.-NeU York Commercial.
"There is one thing connected witt
your table," said drummer to a West
ern landlord, "tbat is not surpasse
wen by the best hotels in Chicago.
"Yes," replied the pleased landlord
land what is that - 1.-The salt
Rochester Erp,e's.
Papa-"What f.! Jimmy, you smoke
and what do you smoke, pray?" jim
lily SlllOht CuDtDS. dpd- \
why do you smoke them?" Jimmy
sob they are good for a bad cold
Papa-"How often do you have a bd
cold?" Jimmy-"Oh, whenever 20
give me ten cents. '--Ne1O York LII
Mamma, what's a book-worm
Zone who loves to read and study an
collect books, my dear The ne
.:-Ik ,aIaI Miss EAit
who wears rings innumerable, W
present. "Oh, mamma, look at MI
Edith's rings. l guess she is a rim
worm, amt she?"-SprinGfed Cd
Ne,os.
"Jabez," said his wife, sharp
"that man you hired last week is doY
with the lock-i,aw. Now l want
know if that's anything ketchin'
And Jabez looked at her with tears
his eyes and said, in mournful toni
ooh, no. No. No. Alas, no TIA
ketchin'." And he says, although
won't believe it, that he doesn't KIN
what made her so outrageously n
about it.-HatCkeye.
"She thirsted for one fond lool
she starved for a kiss denied" s.
Ella Wheeler in one of her poe
Poor thing In these days. wi
q fond looks" are flying all about fir
every street corner, and kisses
not denied when anybody knows wi
they are wanted, is too bad. We h
heard of "%starving to death in
midst of plenty" This poor Great
seems to be trying it on.-HarU
Post.
A friend, visiting in a minist
family where the parents were
strict in regard to the children's
bath department, was confident
informed by one of the little girls
she would like to be a mini
Why's" inquired the visitor, ra
puzzled to understand what had g
the child so sudden an admiration
that calling. She quickly enlight
him by the prompt reply: 80 l 9
G.w