The Evening critic., 1883-05-08
THE CRITIC ABROAD,

Last summer a vacancy was made by the
resignation of one of the employees of the
House, and Doorkeeper Brownlow told a
friend that he would appoint him to the
position or any acquaintince whom he
might suggest. The gentleman did not
want the place, but being on close terms of
friendship with Commissioner Dudley, and
knowing that u near relative of the latter
was out of office, suggested that he apply
for the position at the Capitol. Commits
sioner Dudley meditated a while, then said /:
IL would be very glad to sec my relative
at work, but there is MANNED Union SOL
dier in town here whom / know. He has
a family to support. / judge it will be
best for him to have the position, and
would be gratifed If you will obtain it for
him."
The MANNED soldier was appointed to the
vacancy.
In the snake traversed wilds of Syria
there grows tree, known to the natives Of
that country as the upas tree, the first
word signifying death. The upas tree
is peculiar in many ways, but principally
because of its deadly poison which per-
meates the surrounding atmosphere within
a certain radius, causing instant death to
the man or beast who unconsciously ap-
proaches within the scope of its deadly
breath. Its leaves are porous and absorb
moisture readily, which is afterward emit
ted as a light, green fog of death. Travel
ers In that region are warned against the
upas tree by the natives and it not infre-
quently happens that scores of dead birds
and animals, with now and then human
being who had sought its treacherous shade
from the sun, are found dead upon the
ground around it. A Washington man
who is annoyed by numberless creditors in
tends to get some upas tree seed and sur
round his house with tree which can
Withstand even the approach of brass
coated lightning rod agent.
-:o:-
Dealers in wheat said business man
to the Critic to-day, ''are very anxious to
get a comparative statement of the condi-
tion of the crop and the amount on hand
as compared with that of the corresponding
month last year. AS much as 81 ,000," said
he, will be paid for such statement in an
official form"
Cant you get it?"
mo, sir The officials of the Agricultural
Department and the Bureau of Statistics
are proof against approaches. They will
not give out the result of their labors on
this subject in advance. The comparative
statement will be given out to the press on
the 9th Instant
Old Uncle Isaac, the well-known colored
rag-picker, has just made his appearance
after having been confined to his house for
several days.
"Where have you been?" asked the
Critic this morning, Il haven't seen you
for long time"
"Oh, Use jess been scuperation after dat
argymint had wild the Washington boys"
what argument?"
"Why, dat 1igious argymint we had las
week, when de biggest Washington boy
called me liar and sed dat l was ole and
ignorant. Den jess CUB him one, aud dat
snealzin' Jim Washington hit me cross de
back wild fence palm"
"And you've been to bed 2"
"Yes, sur; jess got out dis mornin', and
de 'fects OBJ dat argymint haint worn off yet.
But Use goin' now to Jedge Smell fer to git
warrant for all Of dem boys
what will you charge them with-get-
ting the best of an argument ~
mo, sab, dat l shant l shall charge dem
| wild insult, wild contempt ter kill
-:o:-
The Critic recently heard an excellent
| story about Judge Jere Black, the dis
tinguished lawyer and politician, and DR..
VIM. Elder, also prominent Pennsylva-
nian and now an official of the Treasury
department..
Both gentlemen were born in Somerset,
Pa, and were friends from early boyhood.
Both were excellent story-tellers, and
| both had wealth of stories of their early
| life.
Black was particularly proud of de-
scription of the way in which he first read
Don Quixote, and was fond of relating it
whenever an appreciative audience could
be secured. The story was that in his
fathers garret at Somerset there stood an
old hair trunk, in the earliest days of
the embryo judges career, when his young
mind had Just begun to feel the want OF
more varied literary resources than the
| standard, dog cared volumes of his fathers
| limited library afforded. Jere was investi-
| eating the garrett one rainy day for some
| diversion, when he CHANGED to open the
| old trunk and observed that it was lined,
as was the old custom, with the leaves
of book. Little Jere was surprised and
somewhat interested. An examination
proved that the book was "Don Quixote,"
and that almost all the pages had been
used in lining the trunk. Jere soon be-
came interested in "Don Quixote" aud his
faithful squire, and as he traced the pages
further he grew more and more pleased,
delighted, excited and absorbed. The open.
ing chapter was found under the lid of the
trunk, and Jere began to read the won.
drous story, and page by page he followed
the winding plot, rivalling the exploits ot
the redoubtable Don as he sat one moment
with his head in the trunk, then climbed
into the trunk to read what was pasted on
the sides, lay on his back, with the trunk
lid ON the top of him, while he perused thu
bottom, stood on his head TO get nearer
view of the obscure corners, and in thi
acrobatic manner mastered the story
gathered impressions that cling to hin
throughout his life and made everlasting
friendships with luclxless Sancho Panzl
and erratic Don Quixote.
Judge Black told the story WE'LL and i
was well known among his friends. On
evening a large gathering of literary AM
, political people, including Judge Black an
DIR. Elder, were talking of the books of thei
boyhood, and as there were few person
present who never heard the story referre
to, the Judge was about to tell ii, when Dl
Elder began unexpectedly:
Q 81 will never forget the circumstance
under which ! first read Don Quixot,
when was boy. The pages Of the boOl
were pasted as lining in an old hair trun
in my fathers garrett, and | went throug
more gymnastics in following on benin
the Don's faithful steed through all th
sides angles and trays Of that old trunk tina
a l have ever attempted since"
Judge Black listened speechlessly to th
recital, and those who had heard hi
tell the story glanced suspiciously frol
3 Doctor to Judge.
1t was evident that somebody had stole
the story or that the Doctor had appropr
ated it to quiz the Judge, and the latt