St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-03-30
SQuibS.

A little fellow, three years old, who
had never eaten frosted cake, asked at
the table for piece of ''that cake with
| plastering on it,"
"Thank heaven :" exclaimed a fond
father, as he paced the floor at mid
| VI ht with his bowling heir ''Thank
@tayen you are not twins ~ New
f;"k Commercial Advertiser.
''so, sir-re," said Farmer John. en-
phatically, ''no homypathy doctors for
me. When die. don't want to be
lingerin' along fer five or six years |
want to go off sudden" - Philadelphia
News.
An author who was eulogizing his
own works as containing much "fOOd
for thought" was rather taken back by
the remark of friend "They NAV
contain food for thought, but it is
wretchedly cooked Saltwater Sun.
At one of the schools in Cornwall the
Inspector asked the children if they
could quote any text of Scripture,
which forbade man having two wives.
One of the children sagely quoted in
reply the text, "NO man can serve two
masters"
When "a California man sees 'no
cards" at the end of a marriage notice
of "A friend he remarks that ''the girl
has put some of her notions into .Jim's
head, but he'll get over them after he
has been married awhile" - TSOmer-
vile Journal.
An eXpectant bridegroom went to his
priest to confess his manifold sins and
receive absOlutiOn. The rite being per
formed the priest dismissed him. "But
is there no penance ?" asked the young
man. "Ges," answered the priest, sol
EMMY, ego on with the marriage.n
"a sermon: 'Looker yer, now, Mr..
Johnsing, dat's gone bout far enough.
You say you doan' go to church cause
dem seats hu'ts yo' back. Howsomev-
er, you'll set heah all day Sunday on
desc hard rocks en- fish. | carn't see de
argument in dat. So you'd better drap
dat pole and come to church wild me.
You heah !"
"If your boarding house should take
fire at night what would you do to get
the people out ?" asked the fire marshal
of an experienced matrOn. "Oh, there
would be no trouble about that was
the reply, 81 would just ring the break
fast bell, and all the boarders would be
i'll the dining room in three minutes"
4 philadelphia News.
Lily asks her mother "What do YOU
like best, good dreams or bad ones ?"
Good dreams, of course" "And YOU ?"
"Oh, | like bad dreams best" "Why 2r
because when | have good dreams |
find when | wake up that they are not
true, and that annOys me while when
| have bad ones ! am happy when |
wake, because they are not true."-
French Fun.
Two little girls, one eight years old,
the other six, sleep in the same cham
Der. In the morning the eldest one
says: "Oh, ! have had such nice
dream !" "What was it ?" 81 was in
large pastry shop, and ate as
many cakes, straw wberry tarts and bon
bons as / wanted "Was | with YOU ~
asked the little one. "NO." And the
little one began to sob French Wit
Spillkins brought home some Swiss
cheese, from an Austin grocer, which is
full of holes. He partook of it very
literally, but when he complained, a
few days afterwards, of feeling of
emptiness, little johnny, who is one of
the smartest boys in Austin, spoke up
and said "I know what makes YOU
feel empty, pa. 1t is them big holes in
the cheese You ate the other day.
Texas Siftings.
An Austin justice of the peace who is
constantly trying criminal cases was
called on to marry a couple. After he
had asked the usual question, if they
desired to be united in the bonds of
matrimOny, and they had replied in the
affirmative, the justice asked them sol
emnly: "Having plead guilty to the
charge if there are in your opinion any
mitigated circumstances now is yOur
time to state what they are."- Texas
Siftings.
Toto is crying very hard. ''What is
the matter 2" asks one of her fathers
friends. 81 have lost two cents that
mamma gave me-" "That is not "A diff
ficult loss to repair" replied the friend;
''here are two cents" An instant af-
terward Toto was crying harder than
ever. "What are you still crying for 7"
asked the gentleman. ''I am crying"
said the artful baby, "because if had
not lost two cents | should now have
had ur."-[ Paris Paper.