The Opelousas courier., 1883-08-04
FROM THE PULPIT.
..,.;ster,s Audience Viewed with an
The Impartial Eye.

younS tha congregation and you will
upuI these people, as follows, to wit,
namely, VIZ.
THE SLEEPER.
ne will be there. PeradreHture he
,.ansth his chin upon a cane, so that
phen the moment OF deep and
Ia l.saund slumber cometh upon
Iim his chin slippeth of and
18th the bang of his head upon
.ns nav in front of him he is awaked.
Hewbeit, the bang upon his wife's
.osd no man can bear. Or, she slum-
Ssrer NAV sit bolt upright and nod in
.;ma to his deep and regular
srsathing. Only when you cast
g0,,r ayes upon him the watchful
Ara Of his bosom stabs him
,,;th her elbow, and he glareth upon
M congregation as who should say !:
sHe That sayeth | slept, the same is a
M and d villain and a horse-thief."
n If he be SO that he leaneth his head
Sack until the lid thereof falleth down
befween his shoulders, and he playeth
ssnfastic tunes with his nose, insomuch
that the boys in the gallery make
merry over the same, then it is
hazardous to awaken this slumberer
right suddenly, because he dreameth
a divers things and sayeth to the
sithing man who shaketh him up,
aHoy? hi ha! yes, yes, all right I'm
mn And thus is tbs congregation
mtah scandalized. But if he foldeth
HI handkerchief over the back of the
new in front and boweth his head de-
vanity upon the same. even in that
moment when the text is pronounced,
then will that sleeper trouble no one.
Int will slumber sweetly on until the
time of the benediction, and he will
awaken refreshed and smiling, and he
viii extol the sermon and magnify the
ureacher. He is the old-timer from
Sleepy Hollow.
THE LoUNGER.
He falls into the pew and slides easily
into the most comfortable corner. He
shakes himself down into a comfort
able attitude. His legs extend under
the pew in front, and meet his hips at
The crookedest of obtuse angles. He
crooks his plant elbow into the arm of
the new, and drops the side of his face
into the fearful hollow of his hand. by
means of which he pushes his cheek
no into his eye. His shoulders are
nearly on a level with hrs head.
Every time you look at him you ex-
uect to see him slide out of sight. And
although you are a good man, some
times you wish he would, and never
come up again. !
THE FIDGET.
Whether you look for him or not.
you know where he is. He pushes the
hsssock away with a long, resonant
groan Of its own. Then he sits bolt
upright, hooks his sIoulder-blades over
the back of the pew and hangs on. He
ii going to sit still this summer II il
Kills him. But the pew is too b 81, SC
Ae settle down a little. Then he puts
i hymn-book between his back andthe
peW. Then he leans forward and lets
fall with a crash. Then h'
folds his arms; he half turns
and lays one arm along thu
back of the pew. Suddenly he slide:
down and braces both knees agains1
the back of the pew in front. Alb
thatss comfort. It lasts ninety seconds
when he abruptly straightens up, Gle
Yates both arms and hooks his elbow!
over the back of his pew. That ism
what be wants ; his legs r tired h
reaches for the hassoek with both feet
npsets 1t, and in a frantic effort to sta.
Il kicks it against the pew. Covered
With burning embarrassment he pulls
out his watch twice or thrice with
out once looking at it. He fold
his arms across Lis breast, then h,
crosses them behind his back; b,
TRUSTS his hands into his pockets, b
drops 8 Bible on the floor and puts hi
feet into his hat, and at times you lool
To see him go all to piees but h
doesn't. He stays together and comes
back next Sunday, every limb and join
Of him.
THE WATCHER
Hi neck IS fitted Oh q globe socke
sna turns clear around. Hsses every
Ding that goes "a The man VIII
ZONES ID late does not,eseapeh him, an
lkis rain for tue tenor to think he GO
that little note to the alto conveyed be
tween the Iaaves of the hymn book IN
Observed. The watcher saw it. Il
sBss the hole in the quarter that Eide
Skinner dropped in the plate. He see
that Deacon SloWboy has but one cuf
II The door swings he looks around ;
1he Window moves noiselessly he look
~. He sees the stranger Id his neigl
hgrs pew, and he sees Brother Bal
nhn sitting away back Under the ga
leEYs furtlvely taking d chew Of the II
hbitBd fine cut. Allthings tliatnobod
ueNlts him to see the watcher sees. Fl
eese so much he has no time TO listen.
THE TIMI-KEEpER.
As You pronounce your text you sc
gha iimekeeper take ont his Watcl
nnk at II carefully and close 1t with
snap that says: Cor clear to til
pulpit You know that he has 10
down ID 4 second, and that he keeps
faithful record Of the length Of ever
ssfsaon yon preach, usually adding fy
o. Ten minutes to the record, ito allo'
lor A difference In watches" Durin
tha sermon he refers to that waite
sEefy few minutes or oftener. An
when yOn have been preaching, az
twenty-five minutes, tn tine keep,
Atks AZ his watch and starts. Can !
believe his eyes? He Looks at I'll
K&# N4H4Fs f.nsx H.. $3.50 - FTNksrw. !