Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1883-01-31
a wEsTERg CLASSIC

~
Detroit rrvs Pres.
"A good many years ago afore
can member, Venus aud O
4et of other Greek gals used t.
Wsiisi,ing iii tile Hs'!espoHt river
nd make mud pies on the
bahks and tell how when they
growed bigger they was going
% marry real prince. Venus
s;,;;.etably didn't know that the
Iiabors talked about her, aud
grcw up AS proud Us peacock
md pretty as gal III u cigar
store. Yer see. she didn't look
i bit like old Zeus, her dad, or
Did Aunt Dione, and some folks
sald she want nothin' but a
toundliu' who washed ashore
one dark night, and was found
In the foam in the mornin' by
Dione when she went down to
the shore to get some driitwood
90 get breakfast with.
"Vebus grew up a real fiirt,
snd one evening when her
sweetheart. got mad ut her and
took another girl on moon-
Hight excursion down the Egan
sca. I'll be hanged if she, the
the baudsomest ..girl in Greece,
didn't go and marry an old
Ihnnchback blacksmith, named
Vulcan. Of course she was
sorry for it next day, and within
"a month all the wimmin folks
i'm Athens was a talkln' about
] sfer. First, she'd 60 out a riden
with IIermcs and stop ut some
country hotel and eat oysters
aud frogs legs and drink tin top
worth Sc a bottle; then she'd 60
to the oppry with Aros one
night and with Poiseiden the
next; and then she'd go gal
ivanti,.' around the medder with
Adonis. Finally, to crown all
her fooIishness, she eloped with
Anchises, who was sort OF
king. Arter Eneas was born
she stiddled down and made a
real good mother. seadin the
boy to school reg'lar aud patch
IN his pants with the same kind
OF cloth they was made OF.
Kneas grew up a fighter, and
one day when old Latlnus, who
had been drinkin' St. Lawrence
whiskey, was over in front of
their tavern talkin' big, he came
along aud walloped the old man
into his grave inside OF two
minutes. Then, without waitln'
for the funeral, he took the old
mans eldest darter, Laviny, and
went off doin' the character
sketch business with u travelin
show.
"This broke Venus all up.
She cursed her son, smashed the
crockery, and wouldn't even
pull the gray hairs out OF An
chises head, so one day he
opened the front door and
threw her down the
steps into the street. She
went round o cousinin' for q
while, but arter her cousins had
forgot to cau her to break
fast two or three mornin's
she took the hint and, havin'
nov here else to 60, went back
up with Vulcan, pullin' the
wool over the old fellows eyes
so that he went right off and
bought her a fur-lined cloak.
Then she commenced flstin'
with Hermes again and one day
when Vulcan was shoeing Her.
mes three-year old colt, Venue
bein' in the shop keepin' off the
flies, he caught her winkin' at
Hermes.
"This made old Vulc awful
mad, and he ups sad goes
to the Athe,s sewing circle and
tells ali about Venus goings on.
Now old Madam Juno was the
president of the society, and
she was al awful proper woman
and 40 was Susie Anthony, the
secretary. Well, first one and
then another of them wimmen
told what she'd heard about
poor Venus, and they raked up
ali her carryin's on when she was
young and got spoony on Adon-
is, and they passed sentence of
death upon her; but old Juno
transformed her into q star, and
stuck her up in the sky millions
of miles from everybody aud
everything, as warnin' to oil
the girls for all time to come"