davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

How Was Man Distributed on tie Earth,
This period. long rs it appears. is
very short rs compared with the mvri-
ads OF ages of geological DEVELOPMENT
that preceded it, and represents only
the last and shortest of the geological
periods. The question arises, How has
the human race been able 10 spread
itself over the whole surface of the
globe? Is it the product of different
and independent origins in the several
continents, or have all men sprung
from common cradle. q ''mother-re-
gion?' On this point students are di-
vided, AgasSiz holding that men were
created, and Carl Vogt that they were
developed, ut different centers, and
Quatrefages and the theologianS main
tanning the unity of their origin. The
fact is left that man, the same in all the
essential characteristics of the species.
has advanced into all the habitable
parts of the globe. and that not recently,
and when provided with all the resou
ces that experience and inventive gel
ius could put at his disposal, but who
still young and ignorant. 1t was ther
that, weak and almost naked. having
only just cot fire and few rude arms
with which to defend itself and procure
food, the human race conquered the
world and spread itself from within the
Arctic Circle to Terra del Fuego, from
the Samoyed country to Van Diemen's
Land. from the North Cape to the Cape
Of Good Hope. 1t is this primitive exo
duS, rs certain as it is inconceivable,
accepted by science as well as by dog
ma, that we have to explain, or at least
to make probable; and that in an age
when it is only after the most wonder
full discoveries, by the aid of the most
powerful machinery for navigation,
through the bOldest and most adventur-
Gus enterprises, that civilized man has
been able to tlatter himself that he has
at last gone rs far as infant man went
in an age that is so far removed from
us rs to battle all calculations.
We must insist on this point, for it
brings into light an obstacle which
those who have tried to trace out the
connection between widely separated
races and to determine the course that
had been followed by tribes now separ
ated by oceans and vast eXpanseS have
hitherto found insurmountable; for if
man is one-to which we are ready to
agree--we must assign 4 single point of
departure for his migrations. In these
migrations man has gone wherever he
could, and, ut every spot he has Occu-
pied and settled, has acquired charac-
teristics peculiar to the place, and which
differentiated from the men settling in
other places. Hence the varieties in
human races. Some of these spots
seem to have been peculiarly favorable
to his advancement, and became CEN
tiers of civilization. The number of
such centers is. however, very limited,
and their distribution is significant
u. G. De Saporta, IN Popular Science
Monthly for September.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

A London journal says in regard to
the Queen reading, that 'of the news
papers, she is supposed to read only
such passages as have been marked for
her by the lady in waiting" In this
way she gets all the deaths. and we'd
dings. and elOpements. and scandals
without taxing her mind with Il lot OF
useless stuff about state affairs, and SER
mons, and horse races. and scientific
matters and things.
Mr. Spurgeon surprised his congrega-
ton few Sundays ago He began his
sermon as usual, and got through his
firstly" pretty we'll. Then, feeling
very warm himself, and seeing his con-
gregation @rOwIn0 listless. he inter-
rupted himself with the remark. THAT
IS the end of the FIRSTLY and it's so
warm to-day that l think the secondly
and thirdly will keep warm for cooler
Sunday" So the congregation went
its way and Mr.. Sturgeon went his
way.
At circus in Bismarck, d. T, the
other day, coIored man and his wife
occupied front seats, and when terrific
gale of wind began to rip the canvas the
woman planted her knees right down in
the dust and began to call upon the
Lord to save her and spare her life.
The man threw his arms around stake
driven in the ground and cried out:
Look yah, ole woman, you bettah
ease up on dat prayin' an grab CEN
tab pole if yo' doan wanter leab dis
country ahead of de reg'lah procession.
Hits Ill right to rassle in pra'r in de
ordinary programme Oh life. but de
Lawd ain t gwine to head off dis lorna
der rs a pussonel favor to you. You
jes' grab L centah pole now, an shet
ye' eyes. ''-BjSmdrcG Tribune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
An Hour Too Late.

Ny mother when was baby
Had gypsy, my fortune relate;
Some of ter predictions. il may be,
Accomplished my CHI ckcred late.
This Au2Gr with cards ana pretenSeS
Should by hurning Ter crime eXDlate,
For size said She wound wager her senses
Luck will lind me an -Four too late.
My uncie was ore of the wealthy,
., SO tlulkC his nephew in all
But iatr.y bect me so unhealthy
That his gold lac would part with on call.
All his wealth he intended 10 leave me
BY his VIII. lie would promptly dictate
To myself and a Notary. 1t arieyeS me,
That we came-just an hour too ate.
Now my luck to be sure, had appeared,
When III humble department ! stood
For the chief Of my natiOn-cndcared
"a Suppl.dnt for Office and-fOOd.
well, lie sad, You are truly deserving
Just that CfIicc-the best in the s, ate:
On my honor, it's really uunervng
That you came hcrc-an hour TOO iate!'
Full of love for maiden of beauty,
Who WIS amiablr wealthy, and good;
Though iny shyncsS postponed my duty.
propose just as soon as could.
She. with towing Gemcanov and sweetness.
Asked my reason for being So SLOW
My engagement took place here with ICS
How proVokiUg-an hour ago.
Translated fr0m the Danish.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
A Query.

Yes he said, as they came down
town together, I've sold my house and
lot"
MOI
Yes, the papers were all passed yes
terday."
Did you get your fgure?'
''Well, yes.
Say, Smith," continued the other,
after they had walked u block in silence,
i won't be impudent enough to ask
you what that figure was, but [ should
really like to know if YOU got anything
over and above the amount of the mort
gage"
Smith Didn't say.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
A Celestial Calculator,

There is no class of people so close in
driving a bargain as the Chinese. When
ever they desire to make purchase
they always try to beat down the price.
but when anyone wishes to engage their
services they always demand 4 high
price and generally come down a little
by little until 4 satisfactory agreement
is reached. An incident occurred in
restaurant which is illustrative of the
way in which Chinese do business. One
of the many laundrymen who are en-
gagged in business entered the restau-
rant and approaching the proprietor So
licited his custom.
'YOu like me do washee?" he asked.
chow much will you charge week."
asked the proprietor.
''How muchee you hap got?"
Twenty table cloths every day, and
about two hundred napkins"
Every day so muchee?n asked the
Celestial, who appeared somewhat as
tonished.
yes"
Il likee see how big"
He was shown a cloth and napkin,
and he examined each carefully as to
size and quality, and then turning to
the proprietor asked:
mo starchee; just plain washing and
ironing"
No starch; just plain washing and
ironing"
The laundryman commenced to count
on his fingers muttering: ssGee shep.
THAN, hoe poe, gee pax, THAN, sukin,"
and after making calculation which
~ h.
likee know how muchee one week?
What kind week-six day, seven day?"
''Seven days"
''Wha foah washee evely day?"
why every day? Because [ must
have them clean every day"
ME washee big famalee; got heap
clothesi washee tabey cloths two time
one week, no NOAH"
THAT amt what / asked you," said
the proprietor, growing impatient. II
want to know how much you will
charge
The laundryman made another caIcu-
lation on his finger-ends, and finally
said: ''Ten dollah one week"
mo, can do better than that" said
the proprietor, turning away.
''No likee; s'pose you like pay nine
dollah and eighty-fve centsee.'
No"
"No?" repeated the Chinaman, pick
ing up his basket and moving toward
the door; then turning suddenly around
he said, ''Nine dollah six bitee.''
mo, you charge too much.'
The laundryman passed out of the
place, but in a moment reappeared,
and putting his head inside the door,
said:
You likee pay nine doIlah forty
,entsee?''
NO" said the proprietor once more;
Il don't want to have anything to do
with YOU"
All right" said the laundryman,
moving away; Il go see my biudah,
5pose he say me workee too muchee,
ne come back tomula; tell you good
1ye;' and singing his basket across his
shoulder he disappeared in the throng
N the sidewalk. -Nea0 York sara
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
A friend of ,Juopins' the al

A friend of Juggins' the other dav
asked him the conundrum ''Why are
you like donkey?" Juggins' first
impulse was to ask him to step around
to the back yard, but on second thought
he gave it up" Because, said his
friend, ''your better half is stubborness
itself. " '.Ah, ali, not bad, quoth Jug
gins ''TlI have the missus on when I
get home. " When he sat down to din
ner he put the question, s'Why am I
like donkey?" and waited, expecting
she would give it up. But she didn't.
She gazed on him for a moment with
pity and then said, Because YOU were
born one" Juggins' didn't see it
Yorkshire BBsu Bss
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04

The river eight miles above Natchez
is caving rapidly in direct line on the
Mississippi side through the old NeYite
Chute, which was once the bed of the
Mississippi River. The distance across
this point is less than mile. More
than a quarter of mile has cayed in
TO the river during the last twenty
months. and it is only a matter of time,
or in the near future, when the river
will resume its old bed, abandoned
more than forty years ago. -Nea0 Or
leans Times Democrat,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-10-04
One or the Other.

He had inquired if there was any let
ter for James Blank, and the woman al
the general delivery window remarked
where are you expecting a letter
from?''
'.Well, num-" he answered as he
shifted about in an uneasy way, I'm
owing a tailor on Michigan avenue 81,
and I've got an old mother in Indian
apolis. If there's any letter there for
me it's as likely to be from one as the
other
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09
why he Takes His whisky.

interview In Toronto Globe.
"oh, it's all very fine to soy, why DOM
you let the stuff aloneP But look here
what's man TO do? I've been up the
lake six months prospecting for timber
and had a pretty tough time OF It, living
on hard tack, and sleeping many's the
night on the snow; came down more than
seventy.tiye miles In two days on the dead
run after the doR.train with an old Indian
to helpalong. When lget 10 the Port RAT
Portage) l go to hotel, meet the boys,
and they ask me to have drink, and
tell you feel like having 1t, too, and some
fun, as well. They ask me, and I'd be
pretty laundering mean kind OF a cuss,
anyhow, II i didn't set 'em up myself. It's
bad stuff compared with Winnipeg bulge,
but we wont get any better until the hotels
don't have TO sell on the sly and make their
own whisky. Suppos'n you want glass
Of beer, you can't get 1t, because II can I be
hid as easy as whisky. Parsons and them
kind Of folks, that don't know no more
about US than the man in the moon, say ;
why don't you have other amusements
than drinking rumT"
"Why don't you, PATTI"
"You needn't ask me why don't we.
You know Just as well as I do that there's
no amusement to be got. What can man
do about the Port? There's nothing
can't play no billiards. II cue was an
axe l could chip in. II we was to play
CARDS we'd be fined for gambling. II a
dance-house was 10 start up we'd be
hauled up for frequenters. A man can't
stand in the corner and chew tobacco this
weather. He's got no place to go to but a
hotel; and he'd soon stay longer than his
welcome and get no place to sleep in II he
didn't march up to the bar now and then.
Now, boss, you just ask one OF them par
SONS to tell you what in thunder we can do
but drink whisky in one Of them towns
with the Port? What could we do2"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09
what Folks worship.
Exchange.

LACIihibOs
In Victoria, census has recently beer
taken in which every person was asked Il
set down, among other particulars, thu
religion he proiessed, or the denomi
ton to which he belonged. OF course thil
brought out good many cranks and rep
resentatives OF eccentric faiths. One ex-
ceptionally queer person registered his
religion as "Es. d." There Is little doubt
that he told the truth, as that is the relig'
ion embraced, il not publicly pro.
fessed, by great many people. 1t calls to
mind the case Of a venerable returned mis-.
sionary who in making addresses to Sun.
day schools and churches, used to speak
about the idols OF the heather, and exhibit
samples Of the same. One day this good
man was speaking in a wealthy and fash.
ionable church, and, after showing a lot oil
heather idols, pulled from his pocket a
silver dollar. This" said he, "is the great
American IDOL" Having said this, he sat
down, and left the people to their own re.
Elections on the. subject OF idolatry.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

A sure cure for Blind, Bleeding, Itching and
liberated Piles has been discovered by DR..
William, ian Indian remedy called Or. VIII
liam's Indian Ointment. A single box has
cured the worst chronic cases OF twenty-five
years standing. No one need suffer five min
utes after applying this wonderful soothing
medicine. Lotions and instruments do more
harm than good. Williams Ointment alb
serbs the tumors, allays the intense itching
particularly at night after getting warm In
bed) acts as poulice, gives instant and
painless rehei, aud Is prepared only for Piles
itching Of the private parts, and for nothing
else,
For sale by all druggists and mailed on re-
cept OF price, 81 90.
For sale by ]. F. shirk, Logan & Co., also
Chas. Moenkemoeller, Wheeling, and r. K,
McConahey, Bridgeport, o. D4w
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

A COUCH, cold or sore throat should be
stopped. Neglect frequently results In an
incurable lung disease or consumption.
Browns Bronchial TrooheS do not disorder
the stomach like cough syrups and balsams,
but acts directly OH theinaanied parts, allay.
ing irritation, gives relief In Asthma, Bron.
chIls. Coughs, catarrh, and the throat
troubles which singers and public speakers
are subject to. For thirty years Browns
BY physicians, and have al ways given perfect
satisfaction. Having been tested by wide and
constant use for nearly m entire generation
they have attained we'll merited rank amonl
the few staple remedies OF the age. Sold Of
% cents q box everywhere. rThs&w
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09
MEDICAL.
Hop Bltters are the Pnrest and Best
BlIttrs Ever Made.

They are compounded from Hops, Malt, Buchu
Mandrake and Daudellon-the Oldest, best, ant
most valuable medicines In the world and contain
ali the ~ and most curative proper les Of all Othe
remedies. being the greatest Blood Purifier Live
Regulator, aud Life and Health Restoring Agent OF
earth. No dlSSAse or ~ health can possibly LONG
exist where these BltteA arc used, 50 varied and
perfect are their operations
firm. TO all whose employmentS cause lffegulAilty
Of the bowels or urinary ORGANS, or who require an
Appetizer Tonic and mild slmulBnt, Hop Bitter
arc invaluable, being mighty curative, tonic and
stimulating, without Intoxicating.
No matter what your feelings or symptoms are,
what the disease or Ailment u, use Hop Bitters
Don't walt until you ate Eick, but II you only feel
bad or miserable, use Hop Bitten at once. i may
save your life. Hundreds have been saved By 20
doing. $50 will be paid for u case they will no,
cure or help.
DO net suffer or lot YOUR friends suffer. but use
md urge them 10 use Hop BitterS
Remember, Hop Bitters Is no vile, drugged,
drunken noStrum, but tho Purest and Best Medi.
cine ever made: the "InvAlIds Friend aud Hope, "
and no pcrSon or family should DO without them.
Try the BltterS to- day, del2 TfhRAW
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

The January moon iulls on the Esd al
2:3l in the morning. The new moon o.
9th pays her respects 10 Mercury on the
10th, and draws near Neptune and Saturn
on the 18th. She passes 90 north OF Jupiter
on the 10th, and is at her nearest point &c
Uranus on the eth. The moon is in peri
gee or nearest to the earth on the 18th, and
the moon "runs high" on the 10th. The
winter nights, says the Scientific american
will be superb about this time, for the
moon, rising higher in the heavens, neal
the full, and near the brilliant Jupiter,
will, on cloudless nights, flood the frost
bound earth with silvery light.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09
sLin nisensea Cnrn,i

BY DR.. FRAzIER'5 MAGIC OINTMENT. cures
as II by magic, Pimples, Black Heads or
Grubs, Blotches, and Eruptions on the Face,
leaving the skin clear, healthy, and beauti.
ful. Also cureB Itch, Salt Rheum, Sore Nip
plea, Sore Lips, Old, Obstinate Ulcers and
Sold BY all druggists and mailed on re.
ceipt Of price, 90 cents.
]. F. shirk and Logan & Co., Agents at
Wheeling, and R. K. Mcconahey, Agent at
Bridgeport, D2w
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

Nor long ago German traveller was
eating piece Of bologna sausage in a rail
way train, using his knife. The train sud.
denly stopped, just as the edge Of the knife
was against his mouth, and the mans
cheek was badly cut. The man sued the
company for damages, but his claim was
not sustained for the reason that il is not
good manners to eat with knife.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

When all other remedies fail DR.. FRAz1ER's
Roor BrrrERS will cure General Debility,
Loss Of Appetite, Dyspepsia, and all diseases
arising from Disordered Stomach, Liver
and Kidneys.
"For several months have been afflicted
with Fever and Ague. For weeks at a time
I was confined to the house, my suffering
was intense. could find no relief until l
heard OF your Root Bitters l have taken
the Root Bitters for two weeks and they have
-estored me to my former health.
JOHN ROLAND, Cleveland, o.
For sale by J. +. Shirk, Logan & Co., also
Chas. Moenkemoeller, Wheeling, and R. K.
McConahey, Bridgeport. D4w
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

The Great Female Remedy is prepared by
the Women's Medical Institute Of Buffalo
N. Y, and Is their favorite prescription fol
ladies who are suffering from any weakness
or complaints common to the sex. II Il
sold by druggists Mt $l.0o per bottle. Ladies
can obtain advice free. Send stamp fol
names OF those who have been cured.
At wholesale and retail by Logan & Co.
Wheeling, W. Va. D4w
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

Two Odd Names.-so you have got twins
at your house." said Mrs. Bezumbe to lit
tie Tommy Samuelson. Eyes, ma'am; two
of EN-" "What are you going to cal
them?" "Thunder and Lightning
"Why, those are strange names to cal
children" swell that's what pa called
them as soon as he heard they were In thu
house"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

PERpEcrLy Empty.-"I do wish you
would come home earlier said . woman tc
her husband. ~ nm afraid to stay alone.
always imagine that there's somebody In
the house, but when you come ] know
there amt"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

A MAN took his seat in the BARRIERS chair
he asked the barber II he had the SAINT
razor he had used two days before. Being
answered in the affirmative, the patient
man said: "Then give me ehlorolorm."
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

MADAGASCAR is rather larger than France
A belt OF almost virgin forests runs around
the island. The population is about
100000, and the soil will easily support
S000000O. India rubber Isl principal ex'
port. The mineral wealth is enormous.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

ALTOGETHER Too Voiceless.-Aiter thu
clergyman had united happy pair mo-
long ago an awful silece ensued, which wal
broken by an impatient youth exclaiming
"Don't be so unspeakably happy"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

Mr.. Albert Anderson, York street, Buffalo,
fell down stairs and severely bruised biz
knee. A few applications OF DR.. Thomas
Electric Oil entirely cured him. DAS
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

aa-sES Eruptions Grisiug from Is,p,tre
Blood, speedily removed by 8, s. s.-try Il
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

RELIABLE help for the weak, nervous, and
debIlitated dySpeptic sufferer found In
Browns Ifon BittoFs Sss paw
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

TnE genuine SARATOGA Hon Rock sPRNs
WATER, for sale by all druggists by the doz.
en-, bottle or gallon. Address oil orders TO
the High Rock Spring Co., Saratoga shngs
J. i. shirk and Logan L Co., Agents al
Wheeling, and R, x. Mcconahey, Agent a
Bridgeport. nav
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

BR1DEoRp. Pa, January s.-PetrOleum- Opened
At SsC: highest Soc; lowest SJHc closed at ssIfc
Sales SIS so barrels.
OIL CRY, January soil opened at $50, highest
sg1Ec, lowest SIC, closed atsS11fc bid.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

Ny son is still improving in health from
the use OF PERUsA. WoLF0ANG BAUER,
81, MRry's Pa.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

Ss-Ask your druggist fora copy OF 'sYoung
Mems Friend"-aHd read ~
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09
Died..

Rev. Aschel Bronson, Upshur county,
holiday week; aged Presbyterian minister.
Elisha Province, Jr., Marion county,
January |; consumption aged 30.
Daughter Of John A. Burnett, Booths
vile, Marion county, December 80; Group
aged 9 years.
Child Of Mr.,J. @. Fleming, Of Fairmont
January 2, spasms; aged six months.
Gideon Gleary, Aleppo, Pa, January ]
aged 85; sudden result Of severe fall; highly
respected.
James Young, Harrison county, Deem
Der %; aged 69i pneumonia,
Ida ]. Keller, Frostburg, Nd, January
Ms. Ii. H. Messenger, waynesburg
January aged y; erysipelas.
B. +. Swindler, Monongalia county
December 20 { general decline.
Moses Strosnider, Blacksvllle. Mononga
liza county, December 90; aged II; old ant
highly respected citizen.
David Mognet, Salt Sulphur Springs
Monroe county; aged IS December 81.
Isaac Evans, Monongalia county, De
cember 20; aged 81.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09
For Thick Heads,

Heavy stomachs bilious conditions, wells
May Apple Pills" ant-bilious, cathartic. II
and Ole
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1883-01-09

TtTusvlLLE, Pa, January s.-Petroleum-oI
opened ~ SOC; highest SgIfo lowest sc: closed d
@Sc. shipments, 9th and 7th. 1882 barrels; char
terS none; runs, 9Th and eth, 99,2i2 barrels.
CINCINNATI. January S.-LIyO Hogs, firm; CON
mon and light So IS; packing aud butchers 80 90