National Republican., 1883-07-05

cross the river on one
FIVE Polish poets have been arrested in
Europe Poets in this country are occasionally
killed, or crowded out.
TORONTO claims q one.armed violinist.
This may be true, yet says the New York COM
mercioi, set 1t seems like drawing the long bow
In the little village of Harrison, BIich
there is drug store ON tho European plan-one
small case Of patent medicines aud four barrels
Of whisky.
AT least one family in this county will be
pleased to hear that the man who made the high
est score at the practice of the American ride
team on Saturday was John Smith.
A PHILADELPHIA woman was poisoned by
holding cent In her mouth while hunting street
car change, and ono in Chicago was similarly af-
hicted by holding street car ticket This causes
the Detroit Free Press to ask, "why doesn't tho
sex take walk instead of rlding2"
THE keeper of New York prison charges
prisoners SO q week board. He must be laboring
under the idea that the prison Is summer resort
hotel. Such an outrageous charge is enough to
induce poor man to lead an upright life and not
patronize his old jail.-NorrfsloDn Herald.
MAMMA" said Monson street four-year
old maiden, "do geese lay the gooseberriesr
"oh, no. my child, they grow on the trees" Well.
what are goose eggs, anyhow "They arc tho
things my dear, which base ball players make
when they don't make snything."-Syrdcuse
Htrdld
A MICHIGAN law provides that children In
the public schools shall be instructor as 10 the
effects of alcohol upon the human syAtem. The
Boston Transcript thinks that as plenty of men
are found who are willing To serve as object les
sons, the children have superior advantages for
knowing all about II.
"THE boat has turned over and drowned
your SON." said man, approaching fishing
party, and addressing an old gentleman, "Great
goodnossr exclaimed the old gentleman, burst
ing into tears. "IIe vas my hope in this life. He
was the best boy on the place; and beside that,
he had the bait cup with hm."--Flsh Taies.
AN Erie, Pa, paper prints a stofy about
minister in Mercer who cured dog 81 paralysis
by praying over 1t for an hour. We don't doubt It
prayer an hour long, by some preachers, would
make wooden dog get up and walk The only
wonder Is how the Mercer parson could stand 1t
so long himself-Buritnoton RaOkeys.
THE most gauzy story ever presented to the
credulity Of the American public, says the San
Francisco Post, Is that in recent stage robbery in
Montana an editor who was passenger was
robbed of sl.bo. and had 5000 that was not taken.
The inside facts are that he had the s15o IN tho
toe of his sock and the 5000 in his mind.
A Boston lady who has just moved to
Chicago complained of her house. neighboi
asked her what the trouble was. II suffer ter
ribly from insomnia" replied the Boston lady
"strange," said the neighbor, Gin a new house.
too you'll have to get trap" She thought In
somnia was Bostonese for rats-Hotel Matt
"WHY," said Sitting Bull, winkipg at Gen.
Crook, "is the first cousin Of French republican
like me2" ~ give 1T up" promptly responded tho
hero. Because" returned Sitting Bull, "he is q
reds kin" "Sit" said Gen. Crook. austerely, "I
shall have 10 send you to your reservation until
you become more reserved "-FTontier Fun.
Col. Percy YERaER. Great Caesar! AM
other hat? You are the most extravagant woman
in Austin. Why, believe you have got differ
ent hat for every day in theweek." Mrs. Yerger--
Why, Of course have That's just 1t. have
one for every day in the week, but none for Sum
| day. want an expensive one for Sunday
| SGain0s. ;-A
A CONNECTICUT man invented kind of
cloth that would shrink 80 per cent. in damp
weather. even II not wet, just to induce some of
his friends who didn't understand the matter TO
have suits made from 1t. They were all at n dim
| ner party, when a shower came up and the time
they had was awful, especially as folks would
| laugh.-Boston Post.
AN Austin lawyer caught tramp in his
onice stealing some law books which the latter
intended to pawn. Selling tho intruder by the
| COllhr Lne luWyeT i on kCOuuQtel,
I'll have you tried and sent TO the penitentiary."
Let 20 my meek, colonel. If you are going TO
| have me tried reckon had better engage you
as my lawyer us you have the luck TO be at hand"
--Brtefs.
THE London correspondent of the Phila-
delphia Bulletin says: Several of the members
of the Mrs. Langtry company have reached homo
and others are on their way Their account of the
tour is not rosy. In her business relations with
the members Of the association Of bistrions who
| appeared with her, investing the performances
with all the artistic merit they possessed, Mrs.
Langtry Is reported 10 have been anything but
| nice"
OLD Col. Smike, an Austin merchant, had
instructed the colored cook that she must not
have male company Visiting her. On his return
from his store he was told that she had disobsyed
this order, whereupon he told her to quit at once.
OARS no fear of me not leabing', Dar's not money
enuA In de state TREASURY TO make me stay In a
house whar de boss dresses his remarks to a
cullud lady widout fust takin' Off his hat."--
Siftngs.
SWHAT o resemblance there is between
you and your husband, MIS-. Smith r. said friend
of the family. Ibid any one ever call attention
TO 1t before2' "oh, yes" broke In henderson,
"they were walking down street t'other day, and
heard a man remark, How much that woman
looks like her son' No, no, that wasn't it,
added Feuderson, seeing the cloud on Mrs. Smith q
face, "what he said was, How much that old
fellow looks like his mother"
prominent professional gentleman OF
Bowling Green was y few days since the victim OF
an amusing Joke. While conversing with q lady
acquaintance, another lady from distance whom
he knew, came up. Our friend very politely went
through the programme OF introducing them, ~
am we'll acquainted with my mother" replied one,
Sand my daughter is an old friend OF mine" amil,
ingly said the other. They all laughed, but the
ladies enjoyed the joke more than the innocent
perpetrator. -BotOiin9 Green Gasats,
MAYOR WHYTE has received a letter from
appointed TO make the presentation Of the bronze
testimonial to the citizens Of Baltimore in recogni-
ton Of hospitalities extended tho Grand Army o.
the Republic in June, 1882, stating that they will
visit Bnltimare on July 10 to make the presenta-
tion, Among the members of the cohmittee are
ext Gov. Hartranft OF Pennsylvania and Gen
William Ward, of New Jersey. Gen. Ross, OF thii
city, will turn out Wilson post e. A. r., to do CT
court duty for the visitors.
BALTIMORE legal circles are excited over
the extraordinary action OF w. Hollingsworth and
J,seph Whyte, both members OF the bar aud SOM
of the mayor Of that city. colored glTi sued the
city commissioner for $500, claimed as servautI
wages, and her attorney alleges that Joseph Whyt'
appeared in court in the light Of plaintiffs coun
sci, without authority and had the case strickeI
from the docket W. Hollingsworth Whyte wa