The Mineral argus., 1883-11-01
THE WOODEN WEDDING.

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Ben delivered the above fine bit of
oratory, not in the effective, of-hand
manner which proves the impromptu,
but with q halting precision which be-
trayed the effort it had cost to formulate
and remember IL; nor was it the fine
spec IN / have heard delivered with an
effort.
81 suppose you mean our wooden
wedding" 1 replied.
eyes, but doesn't timber mean wood,
I'd like to know? Now I'll tell you what
I've been thinking. l want to celebrate
Il. A celebration Of that sort would be
a new thing in this neck of woods, you
see, and / think it would take big. 1t
wouldn't cost much, and there is no tell
ing the useful things which our friends
might bring us. The milk, eggs, butter,
meat, fruit and flour we have in plenty
now, and, according TO my figuring, ten
dollars for sweets and other iim-cracks
would furnish a sumptuous supper for
fifty or more persons. i read the other
day about an old fellow Of eighty mar
ried his fourth wife, who celebrated his
wooden wedding, and his friends who
attended the supper brought them Just
poodles of things, among the rest a set Of
paIlor furniture and a nice top buggy. l
believe IL pays to celebrate ones wood
en- wedding, to say nothing of the pleas
ant occasion of meeting ones friends.
I'll fix up the back porch for them TO
pile the heavy furniture on,
and if any one should bring
a new reaper or a top buggy it can
Just be left in the door-yard. Those
who bring precious goods in small
packages" can put them on the parlor
table. ! have written out the invitation
card, which l will read to you: I'VE
the undersigned, have concluded to
surprise our friends, and give them an
opportunity Of showing their apprecia-
ton of us, by celebrating our wooden
wedding on date. All who re-
ceive a duplicate OF this card are cordi-
ally requested to come and bring a good
appetite and whatever other valuable
piece of furniture his or her generosity
may suggest.-Benjamin and Sukey."
There, If you will allow me, / think
that's straight to the point, and iatter
myself il it Is somewhat original"
"For mercy's sake Ben, stop and take
bresth and let me speak. Il is very
easy to talk about eute- tanning and fur
nishing sr, pei ior fifty or more guests,
bnt =. so easy to make the needed ar
4 r~angements. How d. you suppose l am
going TO get through such an affair, and
no help TO be had this side of Africa,
that / know Of? Here is a bit Of Wis
dom l want you to stow away for future
reference too. Tire good appetites
brought to celebrations ofthe kind you
desire TO make, generally ou.number all
other valuable pieces OF furniture pro-
duced for the occasion"
"Now Suke, don't 20 and spoil all nv
nice plans with a big wet blanket. My
heart is SO set on this celebration. You
know q fellow cannot have but one wood
en- wedding, unless-unless he-marries
again, and somehow l Just feel it in my
bones that We will have a Jolly time, and
our friends will do a nice thing by u, in
the way Of presents, you know. I'll
help cook"
1.-THE next two DAYS Ben spent writing
out tine invitations, then the cooking be-
gan in earnest, and Ben beat the eggs
and / stirred batter and kneaded dough
till my head grew dizzy.
At last the evening of the important
day arrived, and leaving the culinary
department for an hour or two in care
of Belinda Jones, Ben and | arrayed in
our best bib and tucker, stood atthe hall
door to receive our guests, Ben holding
a tablet on which he kept tally Of each
arrival.
"Sixty-fve guests and thirty-one par
GELS" sighed Ben, as the clock tolled of
the stroke of eight. "Suke, what do you
suppose is in all those queer looking
little wads which they have been piling
up on the parlOr tablet"
precious goods in small parcels"
whispered /, "but 1 haven't heard any
deposits on the back porch"
"No," answered Ben, they have all
come straight in from the front gate 10
the hall door, and the presents, what
ever thew are ara in that eOnulomarq-
ton on the table. most begin to wish
that we had not celebrated IT,"
Just then Melinda pOked her head in
at the opposite door. and gave me a sig
uifcant wink, and / hurried into the
kitchen to find that her youngest hope
full had managed to push the cover of
the ice-cream. and had filed the vessel
containing it to overlooking by thrusting
into il young Fletcher Bigbee's new ul-
ster, which the meddiesome cherub had
managed TO pull down from the clothes
rack IN the hall. OF course Melinda wa
almost in Mysteries, and l had to smoth-
er my own regrets TO comfort her, while
George Washington washed out the
coat and hung il behind the stove to
dry. Then / had to extract Ben from
the sitting room and explain the mis-
hap TO him, which was a sore disap-
pointment, for be had prided himself
no little on the preparation Of that ice
cream.
The next mishap was the breaking
down fthe parlor sofa, then young Prim-
rose Fleming caught bis feet in Miss Tulip
~Springers train. and fell forward into
the dressing-case glass and shivered il to
atoms.
During supper 1 heard Mrs. Bigbee
remark to Col. Fleming that she thought
II looked real little not to have ice cream