The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1883-05-16
THE CRITIC ABROAD.


al see you gave one of the hard ques-
tions in the Civil-Service examination on
Monday. Why don't you give the one that
puzzled the applicants for a place on the
police force ?" said friend
II would If only knew it," said the
Critic. what was itP
"The one most of them failed on was
this: If policeman can chew up his
badge in an hour, how long would it take
him to chew up badger 2"
-:o:-
The Critic went into the office OF one of
its friends, who was studying the rules
promulgated by the Civilservice Commits
sion.
"See here Critic" said he, "what this
snivel.Servee Board of Dormanbeaton has
resolved. l want you to give the readers
of The CRITIC this section 9, of Rule 12,
and here ii is:
80. No one shall be entitled TO be examined
for admission to the classified Postal Service,
II under 16 or over 35 years OF age; or TO the
classified Customs Service, or to tho classified
Departmental Service, II under 1a or over As
years OF age; but no one shall bo examined
for appointment TO any place In the classified
senger, who is under 81 years of age; but
these limitations of age shall not apply to
honorably discharged soldiers and sailors of
the last war who are otherwise duly quail
hed."
"Now, what do you think of that? Z? Could
what Dickens calls bigod nonsense go any
further than that ? These sapient jackasses,
and apologize now to the four-legged ones
for the comparison, have decreed that q
man over 35 years old is superannuated and
unfit for Government service. | have
never seen any of the jack-I mean tho
Civil-Service Commissioners, except the
long g-haired crank at the head Of it, but if
the others are as old as he is the
whole board would be retired under that
rule. As matter of fact very few men ar
rive at maturity before they are thirty i've
years old, and don't think this board has
yet or ever will arrive at maturity. Yet
they cut off men and confne their selec-
tions to callow boys, whose greenness rem
ders it necessary to take them in at night
to keep the cows from eating them"
AREN'T you rather rough on the Com
missioners?" said the Critic.
"No, if all the other rules were perfect,
and none Of them are; if the examination
was a practical one, this rule alone would
damn the whole thing. The Government
needs in its service practical business men
men who know the ways Of the world
and it can secure none, or very few such
under this rule"
Said THE CRITIC, "You say nothing OF
| the political effect, of the benefits of taking
the Civil Service out of politics. What o.
| that?"
ooh, that is simply rot and the mer
who engineered and the men who passet
the bill know it. The Commissioners mus
turn aside TO hide smile when they tall
about it. Why / see Judge Thoman reported
as saying that there is nothing in tn,
Civil Service rules to prevent the turning
out of all the clerks in the Departments
Well, there isn't Thoman is right abou
that. Now, let's see how it will work. Ii
's4, Democratic President will b.
elected, not because there is ma
jority of Democrats, but because tn
Republicans are disguised at seeinl
the able, honest men of the party pushed
to the rear, and imbecility and dishonest,
leading. In 's5 out will 60 the Republican
clerks; the Civil-Service rules will thei
let in only Democratic boys. How the ole
workers will kick. 1t will be harder thar
Russells kick of Cameron. The Republi
cans will commence to reorganize at once
necessity will bring the honesty and abil
ity to the front once more and the Repub
licans will win in '6S. In 80 the Demo
Gratis will go out and the Civil-Servic
rnles will let in none but Republican boys
out upon such nonsense. Let's take
drink and wash the bad taste out of ou
mouths"
And we did.