The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1883-02-10
LIT cLE STOVIEa.
fDenver tribune i

4 Man, having been seized by the
Smallpox, hung out a Red Flag in Front
of his House, whereupon the Neighbors
kept Away from him and Permitted him
to Die in the Firm Conviction that Hon
esty was the Best Policy.
II.
A small boy was once Chided by his
Venerable Grandmother because he Pre-
ferred lying abed to going to Sabbath
School. g Grandmother, said the Boy,
the Christmas and Santa Claus season
having Passed, I have Concluded not to
Worry any More about my Immortal
Souls Welfare until just Before the Sun.
day school picnic Season recursr
Ill.
A Thermometer was once Observed in
State of Excessive Agitation. "Why,
my friend" inquired the Eight-day
Clock, why are you so Preturbed ?"
because" replied the Thermometer,
II apprehend that liam no Longer Cap
able of Performing my functions. At
the present Moment l am Registered
forty Degrees above Zero when l should
be Several Degrees Below" "Oh, no,
Iguess Not" said the Eight-day Clock.
Yes, l am Confdant of it." persisted
the Thermometer, for from my position
in the Window l just overheard Police
man Decline drink, and it must be a
Cold Day when such Phenomenan Oc-
ours"
A bent Pin from his Position in chair
once Beheld the Basement of pair of
Pants hard by. Pray be Seated. said
the Bent Pin. cordially. "You will
Have to Excuse me-" replied the Base
ment, "for however Much pleasure it
might Afford me to comply with your
request cannot bear the Thought of In
hicting pain upon the amiable gentleman
who has Just Redeemed me from my
Uncle" 1t is Needle-ess that the Bent
Pin hung its head in shame, while the
Basement moved on in the Proud Con-
ciousness Of having exhibited Tender
Regard for another's Feelings,
An Impresario once Approached a
Mule and offered him Advantageous
Terms to become Prima Donna. "Alas, -
quoth the Mule with Sigh, "that is an
lmpossibility. for though l have an Ear
for Music my Voice is Sadly Attuned.''
But you can Kicks" inquired the I'm.
presario. "At kicking" admitted the
Mule. II am Positively Peerless.
Then" exclaimed the Impresario. "you
have the Highest Qualifications of a
Prima Donna. Consider yourself En-
gagged"
VI.
A foolish Snowman once Advertised
for the Following Curiosities; A Printer
who carried Tobacco, Negro Minstrel
whs Did not wear Plug Hat, Woman
who did not Wash her Face with Rag,
an Editor who Had Ten Dollars in his
Pocket, Dog whose Hind Legs We're in
Plumb with his Front Legs, Business
Manager who did not consider the editors
Robbers, and a Pair OF Shoes that were
too Small for the Lady who wore them,
Tho foolish Snowman died a Death of
Bitter Disappointment,
VII,
An Arabian steed, having been En-,
aowed by Nature with long Ears and a
Paint Brush Tail, did not Repine, but,
on the Contrary, bore his Lot with Philo,
sophie Fortitude, HHow much Better
Fixed am |, said he, "than most Men,
Ior some OF them Live where there are no
Flies, while others residing where Flies
Abound, have no Tails with which to
Brush them Away by this Narrative
Of Contentment we are Instructed that
Nature Made Mistake in Not Providing
us all with Tails and Flies to Keep them
Busy
a Humorest was once Called into the
Presence Of Managing Editor and
solemnly Reproyed for the pullness Of
his wit nYour iokss,H quoth the Edi-
tor 'pre 70 Bad that ! am Daily Com