The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-05-06
SUNDAY SMILES

SUNDAY SMILES.
Jupiters bright idea: Jupiter, having
created the mosquito, the flea and nj
the vile orders OF the entozoa and epizoa
Mused Tor moment in perplenty. "Now
what IN thunder shall | make for them tC
prey upon ~ he asked himself musingly
suddenly bright idea struck him. II,
made man.
AT recent donation party the preacher
received large quantity OF hali-cooke ed
oreao, and now he says he.don't want any
more "doughnation parties in his.
paper announces for its columns 4
forthcoming story entitled, The Prettiest
ulri IN Town. A hundred young ladle.
seht postal cards anu warned the editor moi
to use their real names.
The almanac says that Venus now rises
az i'US am. Why she should get IN al
mat hour IN the morning is beyond our
astronomer observation, unless she has a
big days washing before her,
Alta prominent theater young actress
was recalled. She had been playing the
title roie OF Satan's Daughter, and when
she reappeared a stentorian voice asked
is the old man here tonight ?"
The maiden's point of view: Mamma
w A""".i VIM has uteH WIN ner brother
TO the play and is full of iD-"But VAS
there no love in the piece, then ?" Maudf
Love? Oh, dear, no, mamma. How
could there be? The principal characters
were husband and wife, you know lion
don Punch.
Johnny" said the schoolmistress ',vor
have been a very naughty boy. Now 90
anu stand in the corner with your fac,
TO the wall until tell you you may 20 tc
your seat Please, marin, - said johnny
II turn my lace to the wall III have Il
turn my back to you and the scholars
Won't that be rude?"
"a tired bee" says Sir John Lubbock
nuns on II, and therefore vibrates il,
wings only $50 times in a second" A brisk
niue pee humming on A will, on the other
hand, increase its vibration to 4l0 ne,
second. And a very risky little bee, witt
us stinger turned to the key of o, will cause
tne weary soJourner who happens to Law
violent hands on him to ima,in that II,
vibration Is not less than 100000 pei
second. fN'
:, one OF the latest lies is to the effect that
the TWO most intelligent hens are owned by
Louisville lady, who keeps grocery. Ont
OF them lays in the safe in the kitchen Sc
tnat ihe COOK can always have fresh egs
! - 'AN N'hNi "''N thc otltT lays III TIE gre,
Gerry, so that customers may be supplied n,
once with iresher article than can he pot
rom the country. lfany other ambition,
amateur Ananlas can do better than thi:
Jet him sell out.
A Milwaukee hotel man having grow,
tired OF numbering bedrooms, now name,
them. 1t is rather startling to hear th,
hotel clerk, with his quill toothp ok in hi,
mouth, call out: Take the gentleman,
baggage out of Ireland and send il nm r.
Siberia" Give the large gentleman anc
his bride the Mammoth Gave" Give hin
Hard Luck" Put him in the Chimney. y
Tut nm in Salt Creek, or il You prefe,
you can 60 to Hades Among the name.
are Skowhegan, Sky Parlor, Gehenna
Vienna, Naderland, Mayilower, Plymouth
Poor Iawcob "You say your wife i,
trying TO get divorce?" said the LAWYER
aaw," answered Hans Superintendent
law, DOT Is so:' And now you want I,
sue Jacob Schneider tor damages for alien
good wife, mo, she vas bad yoman s.''
Did you love her very much?n "No, I'm
peter midout her." well, if she is a bad
woman and you are better without her, yo,
are not much damaged if Jacob Schneide,
taxes her oil your hands, "Yaw. IL look,
like dot, amt il? Mabbe it's peter don,
say nuttings aboud it. But, by shiminies
l pitties dot Gawcob Schneider
Another very funny story has lust beer
told me A well known artist. who I'm,
been oultivating long hair in these short
hair days, went to his barber the other dn,
10 have these hyaclnthe locks trimmed ,
iitlle. The barber went into a long-windet
butier haransue over his work. The artist
getting tired at last, cried out "Oh, cut /,
snort; cut 1t short J" The barber appliec
ihls imperative ejaculation TO his work il
hand, and not to his word of mouth, apt
the artist rose from that chair shorn of hi,
treasured locks, sadder and wiser man
Two men were wrangling in front of tn,
oity nall the other day, when one of then
Sor ~ say you do" "And | won't ma,
it!' Then ri sue you" At this point !
pedestrian halted and inquired of one: APO
you honestly owe him?' "Not a penny
sir. And will you sue him for S5?n h,
asked of the other, III will" Give him
~ continued the pedestrian to the debtol
give him 81, and be glad to. Ii he sue,
mes sure to get a verdict,and your expense,
VIII reach at least $40. Give him 81. and b,
thankful that you are beating 70 LAWYER,
justice and constable, six jurymen and
Two witnesses out of their fees" A salts
factory settlement was made on the spot
A gentlemen who had boosted that his
health and cheerful spirits were due TO the
TACT that he bathed twice day, was invited
TO dinner party. When the company
had assembled the lady of the house re.
quested him to take char at the table
Immediately adjoining that which had
oeen designated Tor the minister of he
parish; An" observed one Of the guests
10 the hostess, ~ see that you have an eve
to the eternal fitness of things. Cleanliness
is next to goodness. - Brooklyn Eagle.
Littleton, who is very pompous and
concei1ed little man, had some OF the con.
ceit neatly taken out Of him by hotel
clerk, the other day. He was stopping al
q hotel with his wife. child and nurse
During the day he wished TO impress his
friends who were around him with his i'm.
portance. lie stepped up to the counter a,
the office and inquired OF the clerk II he had
seen his nurse around lately. The clerk
took In the situation at once and blandly
replied mo; but are you not big enough
to get along alon. ~
An Italian vender of images has recoy.
! ered over 81 600 damages from the sheriff,
ot Douglas county, Ca, two prominent cit.
izens aud an eX.member of the legislature,
who broke his images and rolled him
around tho courthouse floor. The provo.
cation is not known, but II the wives OF
these art loving Georgians traded OIL their
husbands spring overcoats, last summers
vests and two or three pairs of trousers for
stor-of-paris bust Of Prince Bismarck,
pair oil lat cherubs and a spotted dog, the
jury that awarded the damages have cIm.
nliited grave injustice Il Norrstown