The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1883-12-12

one but an anti-P Presbyterian could
entertain any other view. All Of
which I am prepared to show Pres
systematically.
; Now, I've always entertained thu
belief that a man should be what he
processes to be. IF he is a Presby'
~terian, he should be a Presbyterian
and when ne tries to Save his soul hi
gives the lie to his profession. For
from his cheerful point of view, II
his soul is to be lost, it will be lost
Therefore, logically speaking, all the
deliberate criminals in Jail are Pres
byterians. They may not know it,
but that's what they are. Nobody
but q Presbyterian, except Turks,
believes that human beings are
doomed to be lost vr are set apart fol
glory; so, when a man lets CO." and
don't care a darn, he is a true Pres.
byterian, for he ''cannot by taking
thought make one hair white or
black" Therefore, the Presbyterian
who does try, ana does hunger and
thirst after righteousness, is no more
q Presbyterian than I am. For I be-
lieve a man will be punished for
what he does, while your ''true-blue"
Is bound to believe we shall catch it
for not doing what we are not per-
mitted to do from the foundation of
the world.
This is my line Of argument with
Malvinia, and it comes in in the
matter Of those stockings. She had
to wear 'em. That's the Presbyte-
rian idea. They had to be shown;
and they had to be so full Of holes
that she forgot she is a Presbyterian,
and was ashamed of them. The
holes and the showing of the holes
are the Presbyterian idea; but the
shame was entirely and siDfully OPP
posed to any notion of ''calling and
election"
AS she bumped around the next
day upon. her stiffened legs, and
groaned, and mopped her swelled
head with bay rum, I couldn't help
asking her what had become of her
religion. "Relision!" she exclaimed,
what do you mean?"
"Mean2" said I; "do you pretend it
is according to Calvin and foreordin-
alton and election, and predestina-
ton, and the other doctrines of that
old brute who condemned his own
friend to the stake, to grunt when
you mash your head, or to whine be-
cause your legs are stiff as sugar
tongs? Don't you, a Presbyterian.
know that the angels knew 5000, 600
years ago that you'd have stiff legs
this very day? If you're going to be
a Turk, why don't you be a Turk?
If the roof is coming down,
isn't it your duty to
let it come? How dare
you, in spite of the fate of Lots wife,
rub that bay rum on your head ?
what's that you say? Haven't you
the right to take medicine when
you're sick? No, marin, you have
not, not if you're a Presbyterian. Ii
a child's got worms it must have
worms-it should have worms-Ga-
briel. and Jehcsaphat, and Jeho-
ram, and Jehoahas, and Jehu. AZ.
Jehoiakim, and all the Others knew
it would have worms; and you
haven't any right to interfere with
the worms, that is, from a Presbyte-
rian point of view. And, in my |
opinion, a Presbyterian point of view
is worse than the worms. I'd rather
have the worms. And the child who
takes the medicine, and the doctor
who prescribes it, and the mother
who gives it, and the man who
mixes it, and the government that
allows it, and the worms that kick
the bucket because of it, and the
spoon it's given in will surely go
to -"
"John! John Vesuvius, how
dare you"
"How dare I? Dare! Because
It's all ridiculous. Can't you see
the point? Don't you claim the
worms were foreordained? Now, if
that's so, how in thunder is it that a
spoonful of the medicine can upset
the whole theory of Presbyterianism
by killing the worms? Say! Oh, it
takes a bottle, you say. Suppose it
then the bottlell go too. I tell
you, Malvinia, if your doctrine were
true a whole Atlantic Ocean of ver-
mifuge couldn't kill one worm. But
spoonful will kill a hundred, and
hat knocks the bottom right out of
Presbyterianism." |,
Here Malvin:a began to cry. OF
she wasn't convinced, nor
anything like it; but she packed off
1er catechism, and went to bed with
headache; aud. as ] made a nose at
he portrait of Calvin on the wall, ! :
Wished 1 had the whole system under ,
ny arm, that 1 might punch its head ,
md let a little daylight into it.
JOHN VEsUvIUs.
Bozeman, Nov q. 1883. .
THE MOUNTAIN LADORED, r