Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-02-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

The civil engineer would like to be
monarch of all he surveys.
People unable to express their feel I.
ings can send them by freight.
An apple threw the first man. Since
then it has sorter let the business out
to the banana,
A wac got hold of IN editors whis-
Ky bottle, and labelled it, 'To be con-
tinued in our necks."
It was the man arrested for stealing
a mirror who discovered that he had
taken glass too much.
The law can never make man hon
est. 1t can only make him very I'M
comfortable when he's dishonest.
Men make fortunes by attending to
their own business, because there are
so few men engaged i'll that line.
Kate Field asks: "Can a man get
along without chin?" Certainly re-
plies an exchange, if he has cheek
enough.
An old topper, in a discussion with a
temperance lecturer, triumphantly
asked: '.If water rots your boots,
what effect must it have on the coats
Of your stomach"
If You grasp a rattlesnake firmly
about the neck, he cannot strike you,
says Western paper. To be perfectly
safe it will be we'll to let the hired
man do the grasping.
When you see man take his hat off
to you it is sign that he respects
you. But when he is seen divesting
himself of his coat you can make up
your mind that he intends you shall
respect him.
81 wish I was worth million dol
lars" said a gentleman. "What good
would it do you, for you don't spend
your present income~ inquired a
friend. ooh, could be economical
on large SCALE"
A wealthy manufacturer of Connec-
ticut, having built an elegant man
sion and wishing to take q second
wife, said to his architect, (Which
agrees best with brick and brown
stone, brunette OF blonde~
A rich but parsimonious old gentle
man, on being taken to task for his
uncharitableness, said "True, L don't
give much; but if you only knew how
it hurts me when | give anything, you
wouldn't wonder"
An awkward fellow planted his
foot square upon lady's train the
other day. ooh, you great train
wrecker!" said the lady, angrily.--
"Beg your pardon, street-sweeper?'
was the arch reply.
There is youth who, every time he
wishes to get glimpse of his sweet
heart, cries, "Firel" directly under
her window. In the alarm of the
moment she plunges her head out Of
the window, and inquiries "Where!'
when he POLITICALLY pats himself on the
bosom, and cxcIaims, Gre, ny Caro-
lima"
A young couple just married arr
passing the honeymoon Ill pretty VII
Ia. 'Tell me, my love-" said she
"that you are not tired. | fear some
times that you regret your bachelor
life." 'EOn the contrary, my angel, .
he replica, II regret IL 50 l1tCIe IildC IL
you were to die [ would marry again
right away"
A physician, heavily loaded with
town lots, for which he had paid only
in part, hastily prescribes box OF
pills for q patient, and allowed his
mind to wander back to his real es-
tate. The patient asked how the pills
were to be taken. The doctor replied
"One- third down, and the rest in slz
ami twelve months, with interest"
The minister stopped at a house on
the South Side last week, and sought
to improve the time by giving al
eight year-old boy an instructive les
son in morality. my boy" said the
minister, Il have lived 40 years, anc
have never used tobacco i'll any form
nor told lie, nor uttered All oath, moi
played truant, nor" "Gimminy
crickets!" interrupted the lad, "yel
amt had any fun at all, have yep
OIL city DERRICK.