The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-04-18
MINIATURES A BOY.

he licked oil n syrup Nnat uIippcu
from a quart measure, from which
he had been filing a Jug. Il hold
that a man who gets mad 81 a prac-
teal Joke, that is, M that does not
iniure him. is a fool. and he ought
TO be Stunned by all decent people.
That's a nice boquet you have IN
your coat. What is it, pansies? Let
me smell of it. and the grocery man
bent over in front ofthe boy TO take
a Whit of the boquet- As he dld so
a stream OF water shot out OF the
innocent-looking boquet and struck
him fall in the face, and run down
owe his shirt, and the grocery man
yelled murder and fell over a barrel
of ak helyes and scythe snaths. and
then grouped around for a towel to
wipe MS face.
You condum skunk" said the
grocery man to the boy, p he took
up an ak helve and started for him,
what kind Of a golbasted squirt gun
YOU got there. | will maui you, by
thunder" and he rolled up his shirt
sleaves.
There, keep your temper. l took
a test vote of you on practical Jokes,
before the machine began to play
upon the conaagratioE that was IA
cling on your whiskey nose, and you
said a man that would get mad at a
Joke was a fool, and now | know 1t.
Here let me show it to you. There
is a rubber hose runs from the bo-
ouet inside my pants pocket, and
there is a bulb OF rubber that holds
about half a pint, and when a fellow
smells of the posy, | squeeze the
bulb, and you see the result. Its
fun, when you don't squirt 1t on a
person that gets mad" -,
The grocery man said he would
lend the boy halfa pound of figs II
he would lend the boquet to him tor
half an hour to playit on a customer,
and the boy fixed it on the grocery
man, and turned the nozzle SO 1t
would squirt right back into the
grocery mans face. Trying 1t on
the first to come in, he gotit right IN
his own face, and then the bulb IN
his pants pocket got TO leaking and
the rest OF the water run down the
grocery mans trowser's and he gave
il up in disgust, and handed 1t back
to the boy. How was it that your
pa had to be carried home trom the
sociable in a hack the other night,
as he stood close to the stove so his
pants leg would dry. He has not
got to drinking again, has he?"
20. no said the boy, as he filled
the bulb with vinegar, to practice on
his chum, 1t was this boquet that
got De into the trouble. You see
got pa 10 smell Of fit, and just filled
him chuck full of water. He got
mad and called me all kinds OF
names. and said l was no COED on
earth. and | would fetch up IN States
prison. and be wanted It to wear to
the sociable. He said he would
have more fun than you could shake
a stick at. and / asked him if he
would fatch up in State prison, and
be said il was different with q man.
he said when a man played ajoke
there was a certain dignity about il
that was lacking in a boy, so l LEM
IL to him, and we all went to the
sociable in the basement OF the
church. / never seen pa. more kit
tenly than he was last hight. ID
filed the bulb with ice water, anc
the first one he got to smell his but
ton-hole boquet was an old maid
that thinks pa is heather, but sh'
likes TO be made something Of by
everybody that wear pants, anC
when pa sided up % her and begar
talking about what a great work th'
Christian women of the land wer'
doing in educating the heather, sh'
felt real good. and then she noticed
pas posy in his button-hole and sh'
touched it, and then she reached
over her beak to smell of it. p
squeezed the bulb, and about half
tea-cup full ofwater struck her RICH
IN the nose, and some Of it went int
her strangle place, and, o, my, didn'
she yell. The sisters gathereC
around her, and they said her fac
was all persperation. and the pain
began to eomeoff, and they took he
in the kitchen, and she said pa hi
her with a dish of ice cream, and tn
wimmen told the minister, and th
deacons, and they went to pa for a
explanation, and pa told them thu
il was not so, and the minister got IL
terested and got near pa, and he Il
the water 90 at him, and hit him o.
the eye, and then one of the deacon
got a dose, and pa laughed, and the
the minister, who use to 60 TO co
lege and be a hazer, and box, he g
mad and squared off and hit pa thre
times right by the eye, and n
the deacons he kicked pa, and h
got mad and said he could clean OF
the whole shebang, and began to pu
of his coat. when they bundled hir
out doors, and ma got mad to see ?
abused, and she left the sociahle, an
4 had TO stay and eat ice cream an
things for the whole family. Pa SAY
that settled that with him. He say
shey haven't got any more Christia
charity in that church than the
have got IN a tannerr. His eye
were just getting over being blac
from the sparring lesson, and no.
he has TO go through the oyster an
beefsteak tarn again. He says it
all owing to me-"
"Well, what has all this got TO d
with your putting up signs in fror
of my store, "Rotton Eggs" an
~Frowy Butter a Specially, said IL
grocery man, a he took tie boy b
the ear and pulled him aroun,
You have got an idea you al
smart, and / don'twant to con
around here any more. The ne,
time | catch YOU in here | shall ca
the police and have you pulle'
Now geti"
The boy pushed his ear back q
the side of his head where it belon,
ed, took out a cigarette and lit j
and after putting smoke in the fat
of a grocery cat that was sleeping o