National Republican., 1883-08-16


And both peg out-and would you chooss
To be man, or be his shoesY
-NetO Orleans Picdvune.
New HAMPSHIRE dog is sick from biting
a tramp. The PostE Express thinks he must have
swallowed some oft.
THE Bismarck Tribune says the great the
only, the sea serpent is now found in the Red
river at Emerson, Manitoba.
PUG dogs have gone out Of fashion, so the
Baroness Burdett Coutts has presented hers 10
! Irving, the actor.-PoSt Express
MRS. LANGTRY left her bathing suit In this
country, aid they do say that Freddy Gebhard
looks like fright in it.-Post- Express
THEY say that Bernhardt wears gloves
measuring four and a half feet in length. Gloyese
| Yes, gloves we have made no mistakel
CAPT. WEBB, says the HaWkeye, was like
great many other men who go into business on the
trust-to-luck principle. He got sucked in.
"a GENTLEMAN and a slugger' is Boston's
estimate Of Sullivan. Mr. Sullivan may be presl-
dent of Boston college some day Cincinnati En-.
quirer.
The Charleston IS. C) Courier aptly terms
the English movement for the payment of the con-
federate bonds "suing a corpse for the price of q
coffin"
YOUNG lady of extremely aesthetic tastes
discovers that water lilies "smell too much like
apple pie" "lf they only tasted like apple pie"
says the Post Express.
THE Boston Herald thinks some good Is go
ing to come out of Capt. WebD's death. Before II
Is forgotten IL will have caused the death of few
notoriey seeking cranks to all appearance.
HERE is puzzle that has been bothering
the heads OF st. Louis mathematicians: Which
moves ahead the faster, a point at the bottom or
one at the top of car wheel revolving on the
rails?
SLADE says that Sullivan is the hardest
hitter he ever stood up before" To lookeron 1t
seems that Mr.. Slade hardly stood up before Mr..
Sullivan long enough to form an opinion.-C -CIncin-
matt Enquirer.
AN exchange tells of human skull be-
ing found in an open lot, and adds ''It is not
known to whom it belongs" The Post Express
thinks that the owner of the lot would have as
much right to 1t as anybody.
Mrs. LANGTRY says she attempted litera-
ture, painting, and singing, but failed; and it was
not until she went upon the stage that she sue
ceeded" This reminds one of the party who was
Occurred of st-st-stuttering.- Travellers
Magazine.
NEW HAMPSHIRE records one divorce for
| every ten marriages. and in five terms, covering
fifteen months, the st. Louis courts granted 1000
-
tion of time when this great land would get itself
most successfully unmarried.
THE oldest man in New Jersey is Michael
| Potter, of Salem county He is a life long demo-
crat 80 years old has 23 children and great grand
children. Is in good health, and never was drunk
but once. If he had been drunk oftener he would
feel great deal older.-Hawkeye.
WHEN young man tries for three minutes
in church to brush a sunbeam off his coat, under
the impression that 1t is streak of dust, and then
looks up and sees pretty girl laughing at him,
| he kind of loses the thread of the sermon, tenn
porarily, as 1t were.--HdrUord Post.
A DETROIT engineer says to the Free
Press: Cramps run most everything In this coun-
try but they don't run my engine. The other
night discovered one of them lying on the track
ahead of us, and footed for him to get Off He
raised his head and looked ut US, but never
budged. We reached the next station on time"
THERE is an Oxford graduate in the poor
house at Newburyport Mass, and he gives "a
very eloquent and critical lecture on English
poetry, making judcious selections and showing
wonderful knowledge" 1t is to be hoped that so
learned gentleman will be spared his skin, but,
says the Co,rter-Journai, Massachusetts, poor
houses are little uncertain.
MISS CHRISTINE NILSSON told Mr.. Henry
Irving recently that If desired to produce an im-
preston in America he must learn the banjo.
Aug. the important news was cabed across that
Mr. Irving had acted upon the advice. Aug 1t
was noticed on change that there was feverish
demand for buckshots and breech loading guns.
These are singular condolences
81 DON'T seem to be needed" says one of
Marietta Holley's characters, 80 much judgin'
the world, and settlin' on jest how many was q
goin to be saved or lost, as did a mindin' my
own business, and tryin' to read my own title
clear to mansions in the skies. saysI l, find 1t a
tuckerin' job to take of one sinner she ort
to be took care OF, and 1t would make me ravin'
crazy If had to take care Of the hull universe"
ITALIAN cheap labor is cutting into the
barber business in New York. Five cents shave,
ten cents for hair cutting the rates. With bay
| rum and a clean towel shaving is ten CENTS Hair
cutting frequently involves additional expense
for washing and tonics. A man running one of
these cheap places has in two months time paid
for fitting up his shop, the running expenses
thereof, paid for the support Of his family, and
saved s35.
THE Sandwich islanders are good judges of
a woman's SMILE A Hawaiian paper. in describ-
ing such an affair." said; Her rch red lips parted,
and there flashed upon the Landscape two rows of
beautiful white teeth. Slowly the mouth opened
wider and wider Deeper grew the dimples in her
bronze cheeks, Brighter danced the sunbeams IN
her eyes, uutil a stray ray, darting through the
foliage Of an oyerhanging bough illuminated the
deep cavern of her mouth, bringing into Wow the
back of her head. Then, seeing us gaze intently
upon her, she shut her jaw and darkness fell
upon tho scene"
MRS BANCROFT, the celebrated London
actress, visited recently one of the most cele-
brated dentists, who seldom handles any but
aristocratc jaws, to have her teeth examined and
| operated on. Knowing the weakness Of the ex-
pert, she asked what his charge was, but he re-
fused to say until he had completed what was but
an inspection and some cleaning. This done, he
said his charge was $3.50, The lady protested, and
offered 500, which, she said, was all the money
she had with her. She added she had brought so
much because she was told the charge would be
exorbtant and provided herself with sum ex-
pected TO meet the highest figure She declares
that the fashionable dentist took the 500, and
clapping his back to the door would not allow her
to leave until she had signed note for the rest.
The case is to be heard in court and we sincerely
hope the swell dentist will got his deserts and not
his fee. Such prices are nothing but extortion,
and no sane jury will decide otherwise.
In two years it is believed that steamer
which makes the European trip in seven days
will be regarded as rather slow concern. 1.-THE
steel ships American capitalists propose to run
between Fort Pond bay, at the extremity OF Long
Island. and Milford Haven, on the coast Of South
Wales, could be made one knot per hour faster
than the two great steamers just ordered by the
Cunard company, they could easily cross the
! dnx, tha IA ha