Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-03-23
WIT AND HuN0R.

Gft0r dsyiate from this rule.
WIT AND HUN0R.
The man who goes into busines.
with the devil soon finds out that his
partner is sole proprietor.
The girl who was courted by /
spruce young lawyer, said she likec
to be protected by the strong arm o.
the law.
The minister who divides his dis
. courses into too many heads will fine
! 1T difficult to procure attentive ears
for all of them.
Waiter. these oysters have ne
taste" We cannot help it, sir; il
has rained SO much this year that the
sea has become fresh.'
Non Compos- see that Smith il
put in nomination. Is he non-par
tisan?' mo, not exactly; l thinl
they call him non-compos."
Peanuts are so cheap down in
Georgia that FIVE cents worth will
make young man solid with his
sweetheart for about month.
Small boy at dinner table, -"What
all that for grandpa?" Mamma
"No. darling. It's for you" Small
boy:-''OA! what little bit"
Whoever doubts that the news
papers have mission should enter q
car and see how useful they are to
the men when a fat woman with big
basket is looking around for seat.
Mistress (tu applicant for cooks
position): "Why did you leave your
last placer" Applicant: You're
very inquisitive, marm; 1 didn't Ak
you for what your last cook left you.''
When they build a railway, the
first thing they do is to break the
ground. This is often done with
great ceremony. Then they break
the shareholders. This is done with
out ceremony.
A bright little girl, noticing among
the company at her fathers residence
on a certain occasion a gentleman
whose face was considerably pock-
marked, inquired who the "moth-
eaten gentleman was."
An old gentleman said to his con-
ceited nephew: John, you should
bot think SO much of yourself"
~Why, uncle, the other day, when I
sauced that old friend of yours, you
complained that I forget myself"
retorted the youth.
At hotel in Glasgow, gentleman,
finding that the person Who had
acted as waiter could not give him
certain information which he wanted,
put the question, ''Do you belong to
the establishment" to which James
replied mo, sir; I belong to the Free
Kirk"
A lady who is properly very shy of
sausages says that when she recently
asked for a certain kind which she
knew to be of good quality and flavor
she was coolly informed by the mer-
chant that all sausages are Of that
kind, ''if you only make up your mind
70 think So"
Baby has been forbidden to ask
for dessert. The other day they for
got to serve him, and as baby is very
Obedient, he remained silent, although
much affected. Josephine" said
the father, pass me plate" "Won't
you have mine, papa!" cried the baby.
lit is very clean"
ma, haven't I been a real good
boy since I've been going to Sunday
schools" "Yes, my lamb" answered
the maternal parent, fondly. "And
you trust me now, don't you, mar
"Yes, darling. yes" "Then." spoke
up the little innocent, what makes
you keep the preserves locked up in
the pantry the same as everr"
A New York doctor has been fgur-
ing for the past twenty years, and
has reached the conclusion that very
small feet on woman means q tenn
per like cayenne pepper and u tongue
which will lie about its best friend
This IS a noble effort to console
women with big feet, but it won't
work.
And what age is it you are now,
dearF asked the colonel Just back
Eom India OF the tall daughter OF
nls friend, Tompkinson Smith.
wei, that is what can't quite make
out" returned tho girl, taking care
not to meet her mothers eye, "for
when go anywhere with papa 1 am
sixteen; but when 1 70 out with
mamma l am never more than twelve
next birthday" The colonel has
tened to change the subject.
A Boston man went to q doctor
ana told him, Doctor, there is some
thlng the matter with my brain.
After any sever. mental exertion ]
have headache What is the rem.
edy' for it?" THE best remedy is to
get yourself elected to the Legisla.
ture, where you will have no occasion
70 tmnk.' The patient replied if il
WASH Tor the sake of his children he
would make the experiment. He
didnt want them to go through life
with a stigma attached to thei,
names.
A citizen of Des Moines, Iowa
owns pair of sagacious dogs. The
other day one of them raped at the
1oor as If for admission. but wher
tne mistress opened it, instead O,
gong into the house looked ND ir
great excitement and started towarf
1e barn, repeating his actions unit
E1e one followed him. When the
In was reached it was found thar
the horse had broken loose and wa,
uSlng closely watched by one dos
sna xalie a the other had gone to the hous,