Daily globe., 1883-06-05
PLEASANTRLEG

a COAL IRE Is SraIe comfort, DuG d
nutmeg is O crater.
THE prop-her time to assist lady
When she is about to faint.
INoUIRING Dufer asks "What kind
of liquor will man get drunk on quick
est?" The kind he can get hold OF
first.
A BOOT and shoe shop hangs out the
sign "Cast-iron lasts" We ell know
it does, but we don't want any boots
made of it.
THERE is one difference at least be
tween dead man and drunkard. One
takes beer aboard, the other is taken
aboard a bier.
Mrs. CLARK asks her husband, when
he scruples about money for a new
dress, how many scruples he has when
he wants dram!
A TENNESSEE girl went out for a sail
with man who was painting to die for
her. A squall upset the boat, and he
painted for shore and let a negro rescue
her.
A LITTLE girl in London Sunday
school, being asked why God made the
flowers OF the field, replied: "Please,
ma'am, I suppose for patterns for artifi-
cial flowers"
IT is mighty hard for some people to
get out of room after their visit is
really over. One would think they had
been built in your parlor or study, and
waiting to be launched.
AN Illinois girl found that she must
either give up her lover or her gum,
and, after one day spent in reflection
she pressed his hand good-by, and said
she would always be sister to him.
THE new rules for playing base ball do
not forbid the audience from doubling
itself up and fairly screaming with
laughter when the ball hits the umpire
directly below the fourth vest button
Detroit Free Press.
A MEDICAL certificate is among the
treasures of the London General Post
office, worded as follows "This is to
certify that !. attended Mrs. - in her
last illness, and that she died in conse-
quence thereof.
81 DECLARE, [ never saw such man
You are always getting some new wrin-
kle." And the brute calmly replied,
Matilda, you are not, thank fortune.
If You had new wrinkle you would have
no place to put it, dear
81 SAY, Jenkins, can you tell young
tender chicken from an old, tough one 2;
"Of course I can." "Well, how o.
"By the teeth" "Chickens have no
teeth" Yes, but I have" "Good
morning." Good morning"
WHAT'S the matter, old fellow ?
You look puzzled" "Well, I am. /
have dined at Us almost daily for the
last three months, and I'm hanged if |
know what to select for birthday pres
ent for his wife" " "Take her back the
spoons and forks"
IT is well-known fact that a grind
stone sometimes explodes into frag-
ments. Marble, we fear, is hardly safe
for sculptors to use, as we noticed a
placard in an art gallery the other day,
evidently intended to warn visitors OF
danger, which read, "Parian marble
busts."
THEY were in the wood. Said he
looking things unutterable, "I wish 1
were a fern, Gustie," "Why?" she
asked. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
press me, too" She evidently hated to
do it, but it is best to nip such things in
the bud, so she replied: "I'm afraid
you're too green, Charles" The poor
boy almost blubbered.
Two DETROIT lawyers had a lively
tilt in court. "You are bulletin
board, sirrah!" screamed one. "You
are liar !" howled the other. They
glared at each other, when inspiration
seized the biggest, and he fairly lifted
himself from the floor in roaring ont
"You are mean bank cashier, sir, q
bank cashier!" That settled it, the ex-
! %raroa uyoc raooha1
THE HUMAN SKIN.
If you could see piece of your skir
through microscope you would set