The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-02-17
How the Bad Boy Cured His Father Of
Incorporate Habits.


on the Sofa and snore, and he would
BHell like distillery. 1t hurt me to
see ma cry. and told her would break
pa of drinking if she would let me, and
she said if would promise not to hurt
pa TO go ahead, and promised not to.
Then got my chum and another boy,
quite q big boy. to help, and pa is all
right, We went down to the place
where they sell arms and legs, to folks
who have served in the army, or saw
mill. or a thrashing machine, and lost
their limbs, and we borrowed some
arms and legs. and fixed up a dissect-
ing room. We fixed a long table in the
basement, big enough to lay pa out on,
you know, and then we got false whisk-
ers and moustaches, and when pa came
in the house drunk and laid down on
the sofa, and got TO sleep we took him
and laid him out on the table, and took
some trunk straps. and sircingle and
strapped him down to the table. He
slept right along all through it, and we
had another table with the false arms
and legs on, and we rolled up our
sleeves and smoked pipes, just like
read that medical students do when
they cut up man. Wen, you'd died
to see pa look at us when he woke up.
saw him open his eyes, and then we
began TO talk about cutting up dead men,
We put hickory nuts in our mouths so
our voices would sound different, so
he wouldn't know us, and L was telling
the ether boys about what time we
had cutting up the last man we bought.
j said he was awful tough, and when
we had cut his legs off and had taken
out his brain. his friends come to the
dissecting room and claimed the body,
and we had TO give it up, but saved
the legs. looked at pa on the table
and he began to turn pale, and he
Squirmed around to get up but found he
was FAST l had pulled his shirt up I'M
der his arms, while. he was asleep, and
as he began to move | took an icicle,
and in the dim light of the candles, that
were sitting on Che table in bottles, |
drew the icirie across pas stummick and
i said to my chum, Dog, | guess we
better cut open this old dutfer and
see if he died from Inflammation of the
stommici, from hard drinking, as the
Coroner said he did Pa shuddered all
over when he felt the icicle going over
his bare stummick, and he said: For
Gods sake, gentlemen, what does this
nnean. am not dead The other bows
Hooked at pa in astOnishment, and said:
swell, we bought you for dead, and the
Coroner's jury said you were dead, and
by the eternal we amt going to be fooled
out of a corpse when we buy one, are we
DocP My chum said not if he knowed
f1is self, and the other students said: 'Of
course he is dead. He thinks he is alive,
but he died day before yesterday, fell
dead on the street, and his folks said he
had been a nuisance and they wouldn't
claim the corpse, aud we bought it at
the nlorgue.' Then | drew the icicle
across him again, and L said: Il don't
know about this, doctor. l find that
blood follows the scalpel as cut through
the cutdcie. Hand me the blood sponge
please Pabegan to wiggle around, and
we looked az him, and my chum raised
his eye-iid, and looked solemn, and pa
said: Hold on, gentlemen. Don't cut
into me any more, and can explain this
matter This is all mistake. l was
only drunk We went in corner and
whispered, and pa kept talking all the
time. He said if we would postpone the
hog killing he could send and get wit
neSses TO prove chat he was not dead
but that he was arespectable citizen, and
had family. After we bad held con-
sultation / went to pa and told him that
what he said about being alive might
possibly be true, though we had our
Doubts We had found such cases be-
fore in our practice East, where men
seemed to be alive, but it was only tenn
porary, Before we got them cut up
they were dead enough for all practical
purposes. Then laid the icicle across
pas abdomen, and went on to tell him
that even if he sDGs alive it would be
better for him to play that he was dead,
because he was such nuisance to his
family that they did not want him, and
was telling him chat I had heard that in
his lifetime he was very cruel to his boy,
q bright little fellow and pet wherever
he was known, when pa interrupted me
and said: Doctor, please take that carv-
ing knife OF my stomach, for it makes
me nervous. As for that boy of mine,
he is the condemndist little whelp in
this town and he isn't no pet anywhere.
Now, you let up on this djssectin' bust
ness and L will make it all RIGHT with
you?' We held another consultation and
then L told pa that we did not feel that
it was doing justice to society to give up
the body of notorious drunkard. after
we had paid twenty dollars for the
corpse. If there was any hope that he
would reform and try aud lead differ
emit life, it would be different, and said
TO the boys, gentlemen, we must do our
duty. Doc, you dismember that leg and
will attend to the stomach and the
upper part of the body, He will be dead
before we are done with him. We must
remember that society has some
claims on us, and not let our better
natures be worked upon by the post
morton promises of dead drunkard.
Then | took my icicle and began fun
bling around the abdomen portion of pa s
remains, and my chum took a rough
piece Of ice and began to saw his leg
of, while the other boy took
hold of the leg and said he
would catch it when it dropped of.
Well. pa,kiclled like q steer. He said
He wanted TO make one more appeal to
us. and we. acted sort of impatient. but
we let up TO hear what he had to saw
He said If VIC would turn him loose he
would give us ten dollars more than we
- l. n AZ