Daily globe., 1883-06-29
PITH AND P0NT.

WHire curious language! 4 man is
late when be is dead and gone, and q
train is late when it hasn't come.
TIE census proves that the number
Of persons in a family III the United
States is 4 small fraction over five. In
some families the husband is the small
fraction over.
AFTER al, there is a vast deal OF
common sense in the remark of the de-
serter when he said: I'D rather be a
coward all my life than be a corpse for
fifteen minutes"
AT a medical examination q young
aspirant for a physicians diploma was
asked: When does modification en-
sue?" when yoa propose and are re
jected, was the reply.
The telephone is in the Sandwich
Islands, and, as "hello' in the native di-
aIect is "kalakaihoikauhaih :"
You can imagine what kind of time
they have at the central"
IT is now necessary for an inventor to
have witnesses to his work, in order to
secure his rights. The witnesses must
be brought in at the moment the in
yentor feels like inventing something.
IT does look something as if the only
way to stop these interminable disasters
at sea would be to adopt Max Adeler's
suggestion of having a man walk along
the bottom and hold the blame thing uD
with pole.
A KENTUCKY girl always carries her
money in her stocking when she goes
shopping, taking along a lady friend to
divert the attention of Il salesman while
she hau1s out her money. Her friend
must be fascinating beyond belief.
A HUMAN skeleton may now be
bought for SO dollars. At this price il
hardly pays man to raise his OWL
Skeletons; but some poor families will
continue to worry along without d
skeleton in the house as long as they can
get three dogs for dollar and half
-NOrrtStotC71 Herald.
A LEGISLATOR, who has large family
at home, and who has to be very saw
ing, entered an Austin avenue restau-
rant about dinner time, and asked for a
business consultation, which was
granted. "How much DO YOU charge
for dinner?" Fifty cents. "How
much for breakfast?" "Twenty-fvt
cents" "Then bring me a breakfast
for dinner?"-TerGs SJtlRgs.
They had only been married a shorr
time. The other day she slung her
arm around him and warbled. in a low
tremulous voice: "Do YOU realize
Adolphus, that now we are married We
are only one?" NO, "replied the brute
Il can't realize it. [ have just paid &
$75 millinery bill and lot more of YOU
bills, with several outside precincts to
hear from, SO am beginning to real
lze that, as far as expense goes, instead ot
being one We are about half dozen. ]
can't take in that idea of our being one
just yet, not by large majority"
The late Bishop of Oxford prided
himself on being able to identify indi
vidually all the clergy Of his diocese
But on one occasion when Dr. WILDER
force was dining with a number O
them, he observed one clerical brothe1
whose name he did not know. UnwiIl
ing to confess his ignorance, and toe
cautious to make inquiry, the gooC
Bishop approached the unknown, and
by way of a feeler, remarked to him
Il forget how you exactly spell voul
name;" to which the somewhat discom
fitting reply was, "J-o-n-e-s."
AN eminent Judge used to say that,
IN his opinion, the very best thing ever
said by witness to counsel was the re-
NV 10 80
the time leader of his circuit He was
defending a prisoner charged Will
stealing donkey. The prosecutor ha(
left the animal tied up to gate, anC
when he returned it was gone. MISSING
was very severe in his examination O
the witness. do YOU mean TO say
witness, the donkey was stolen from the
gate?" Il mean to say, sir, giving The
Judge and jury sly look, at the same
time pointing to the counsel, "the as.
was Missing"
JOHN HODGES, an Austin busines.
man, is being constantly feeced. not
only by strangers, but even by his owr
son, without his ever knowing it. Not
long since he was speaking to a friend
who cynically remarked: Your sol
seems to be rather fashionable young
man" eyes" was the reply Of Hodges,
"he is an awful smart boy. He keeps
horse and buggy, goes to balls and par
ties, dresses in the height Of the fash
ion, and the most wonderful thing
about it is he does it On so 4 month
He is smarter than [ am, but my daddy
wasn't as smart as his daddy. "-Tera$
SiftiRgS.