South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-07-06
WIT AND IIUnfOR

WIT AND HUAdOR.
A young city fellow, dressed in q
faultless suit and a pair OF shoes tina,
tapered into . point In . most mode IN
style. was visiting in o rural district.
A bright little boy looked him all over
until his eyes rested on those shoes.
He looked at his own chubby feet and
then nj his visitors and then looking
up said: Mister. is all your toes cut
ted of but one2
A Texas paper tells Us this cheerful
tale Of the experimental school OF med
icine: A woman came to a prominen mt
physician and asked for q remedy for
her husbands rheumatism. The doc
tor gave her prescription, and said :
Get that prepared at the drug store
and rub it we'll over your husbands
back. If il does him any good come
and let me know, I've got touch OF
rheumatism myself.
Standing before a clergyman Who was
ABOUT to marry him. q rustic was ask.
ed: wilt thou have this woman?' etc.
The man stared in surprise and re piled.
'Ay, surely Whoy, kummed n pup
pus!
At . wayside inn:
Gucst-'What doe, this mean. ehp
Here's an item: Gas. two francs
Why, you have no gas in this house ?,
'Iknow it SIR
Then what makes you charge for itG'
So asto be able to afford to pu. it in sir.
What's orbs, Salliep 'Orbs? WHY.
as TO how Maggie? Who said SOP
We'll, you know that city chap was
sparkling mo last night. an no looked
me square in the face aud sung out
oh il could always bask in the eff.
fulgence Of those bright orbs.' 'Humph
Iguess that must be what thew call
eyes that squint; but what do you sup
pose no wanted OF q basquep'
A youngster OF dozen years went
to pass the summer vacation with his
grandmother in the country.
In the evening, when they sat down
to dinner, the grandmother cried:
oh my! There are thirteen of us =
Don't be worried, grandmother. cri.
ed the youDgster, L will eat Tor twor
what is lighter than feather?'
The dust that blows in GUNNER wea.
ther.'
What is lighter than the dust, pray?'
Tine wind that blows the dust away
And what is lighter than tho wind?'
The lightness of a woman's mind.
And what is lighter than the last r
'Ah, there. MY friend. you have me
fast
The following was written by John
Howard Payne in 1885 in the album
OF daughter OF Judge Samuel Goode,
OF Montgomery, Alabama:
Lady, Your name, if understood,
Explains your nature TO u letter;
And may you never change from Goode
Unless. if possible, 10 better
On the next page is a response, writ
ten by Mirsbeau b. Lamar, afterward
president Of the Lone Star Republic
of Texas. 1t runs as follows:
am content with being Goode,
To aim at better might be vain.
But if L do It's understood,
Whate'er the cause-it is not PAYNE
Ella, is your father at homer said
bashful lover to his sweetheart. want
TO propose something very important
TO him. NO Clarance, papa is not at
home, but 1 am. Couldn't you propose
to me just as well? And he did with
perfect success.
Rabbi Simon once bought camel of
an lshmaelite. His disciples took it
home, and on removing the saddle dis.
covered a band OF diamonds conce aled
under it. Rabbi Rabbit they ex-
claimed. the blessing of God maketh
rich,' intimating that it was a Godsend
Take the diamonds back 10 the man
OF whom purchased the camel said
the Rabbi; lie sold me q camel, no.
precious stones The diamonds were
accordingly returned, TO the no small
surprise of the owner; but the Rabbi
preserved the much more valuahle lew.
els-honcsty and integrity.
WHEN You GgT READY TO Go--ao.-
All people have not learned the art of
leaving place in an appropriate man.
uor. When you are ready TO depart,
do an NJ Onpo vracaC,1I,,