The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1883-02-10
HISTORICAL
Humorous Comments -on IS Anecdotes AbOut Great
Men,"


The latest notable case of presence of mind
comes to a reading public in the shape of news
paper article clipped from the New York Times,
and extensively ad sertised throughout the coun-
try, extollIng the GOODNESS of manager Abbey, who
- stood with a cigar in his mouth calmly gazing
at the destruction Of his own theater by fire.
There was nothing wonderful about that! The
fact that Abbey was watching the confiagration
with a cigar in his mouth does not in any way
entitle him to either credit or censure. If Abbey
was trying to smoke with a cigar IN his ear or
nose, or if he had lighted the cigar and put it in
his pocket and his clothes had taken fire, it would
have been something worthy of note. 1t would
have been a coincidence that his theater and him
self were on fire at the same time. The 8 cigar
in his mouth " dodge was often sprung on Grant,
as the pinch of snuff affair was on Nelson. To
the former, the first intimation that Pemberton
had accepted his unconditional terms. that Lee
was anxious for a cessation of hostilities, that he
himself was unanimously nominated Tor president,
or that Nellie had a baby, all were received by
the American sphinx " with a cigar in his
mouth Whether Grant or Abbey . chew y
still remains a mystery. Cubbon opened the eyes
Of millions to the fact that Nelson snuffed when
he informed the public of the naval engagement
at Aboukir and penned the startling fact that i'm
medIately after the action, Nelson, while standing
amid the dead and dying on the deck of his flag
ship, calmly took a pinch of snuff. The historian
shows some sense in delineating the battle of
Monmouth, and the part Washington played at
the lost battle for liberty. The chronicler claims
that Washington became enraged because Gen.
aroI uorr, 7 On bod diSohauod ordaro fbok un01
meeting him after the continental forces were re-
pulsed, he swore at Harry most blasphemously.
1t was something remarkable for the great and
good Washington to swear, whereas Grants
cigar and Nelson's snuff ought never to have had
a place in history. But to return to the wonder
full conduct of prominent men in trying positions,
what a lot of stupid sillabub has travelled down
the space of time. The historian tells how Alex
ander ii. stood at the window Of a house a few
miles distant and gazed at the scene while Mos
COW was burning. 1t was a Russian mid-winter.
and to be indoors and look out was about the
proper caper for Aleck. if he was anxious to take
a squine at the burning city. If the scion of the
Romanoff dynasty had pulled off his boots and
socks and stood in the snow with a candle in his
mouth, or mad stood on his head In a drift, or
had clincbed behind the bars in a friendly wrestle
with a bear, that would have been some kind of
copy for the hook
Macauley star,les the Euglish-reading public
with the Information that Cromwell visited his
sick daughteri Allowing that Cromwell was an
old tyrant that treated his Irish neighbors with
inhumanity, still it was not so miraculous that
he should go to the bedside Of his dying child.
How many American fathers go to the bedside of
their sick daughters and wives, and wives to the
bedside of their husbands And save in the case
of Mrs. Garfield. no mention has been made in
history Of those instances. Again. history says
that Sir Walter Raleigh's wife visited her lord
when he was confined in the Tower of London.
Walter was probably pleased to see her, but
history does not e~nlighten the credulous as to
whether Mrs. Raleigh fetched a basket of proven
der and the turnkey howled In her ear: MADAM
by st. Bugo of Interchangeable, this bringing
food is ill-timed, forsooth. Henceforth thee bring
the sustenance to thy consort before the sounding
of the third gong, or by the gods he must subsist
upon the rations allowed by the Police Board, as
sure as my name is Sherm Miller" The most
ampzing piece of intelligence ever waited across
water was that concerning Cetewayo, the Zulu
King, when captured by the English under Sir
Garnet Wolseley, The incredible statement went
the rounds of the press that soon after the black
King was taken he expressed q desire for food,
and that when ~victuals were placed before him,
he partook of a hearty respast. Astonishing I!
The idea OF a hearty man eating is simply amaz-
ingi
Dozens of historians have won n lasting fame
by recording volumes full of such slush, which,
IL written by a ten-dollar-a-week reporter, would
consign him to the bottomless depths OF Mill Run
sewer-or some other snug retreat.