The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1883-03-11
His Pm Plays Jokes.

say do you think 4 little practical Joke
does any hurt, asTei the had boy of the grocery
man, as he came In with his sunday suit on, and Il
bouquet in his utton-hole and prled of couple OF
figs from new box that had been Just opened.
~ No, sir. " said the grocery man, he licked OF
the strip that dripped from quart measure from
which he had been illlIng a jug. al hold that man
that gets mad at practical Joke that is, that
does not inJuIc him, is fool, and he ought to he
stunned by all decent people. That's nice bouquet
you have In your coat What Is it, paNsies? Let me
smell OF II, " and the grocery man bent II In
front of the boy To take whr at the bouquet. As
be ala so stream OF water shot out Of the
looking bouquet and struck him full In the face and
run down over his shirt, and the grocery man yelled
murder. aud fell over barrel Of axe helves and
scythe snathS and then CROPPED around for towel
lyon condum skunk, g" said the grocery man to
HE hoy as lie took mp helye and started FOR
MN; - what Kind OF goblasied squirt gun have you
rolled up his shirt sleeves.
''fhere keep your temper I took test vote of
you on me subject OF practical Jokes before the
machine began 10 play upon the cOnliagratiOn that
was raging on your whisky nose, and You said a
man that would get mad at Joke was fool, and
now know 1t. Here, let me show 1t to you. There
Is a rubber hose runa from the bouquet, inside my
coat 10 my paus pocket and there Is bulb of rubber
that holds about half pint, and when "a Teller smells
OF the posy squeeze the bulb and you the re-
suit its fun, where you don squirt IL on a person
that gets mad. -
The grocery man said he would give tile boy half
pound of figs If lie would lend the bougust him
hai an hour 10 play IL on n customer, and the boy
Nel u on me grocery man. ana turned the nozzle so
II would squirt right back into the grocery mans
lace he tried H. IN the first customer that
ana got II right In his own face and then the bulb Ia
his pants pocket got to leaking and the rest Of the
wafer run down the grocery mans ronser's leg, and
he gave II mp III disgust, and handed 1t back 10 the
boy. How was IL that your pa had To be carried
home from the sociahe in a hack the other night. -
asked the grocery man ms he stood close to the stoys
30 MS pants leg would dry lie has not rot to
drinking again, has hey''
"oh no, ~ said the hoy, as he flleh the buib with
vinegar, To practice on his chuin, 'It This boa
qnet that got pa into the trouble You see got pa to
smell it, aud just hIlei him chuck fun OF water.
lie got mad and called mo al! kinds uf names and
sald was no good ON EARTH and would fetch up in
states prison. and then he wanted To borrow 1t To
wear To me sociabe, lie said he would have more
fun than you could shake stick at, and asked him
II he didn't think he would fetch NJ in the states
prison, and he said II was different with man. He
stld when man played "a Joke there a certain
dignity about IL that was lacking In hoy. So lent
1t to hm' ana he went to the sOciable Ia the hase
Than lac was that night. lie filed tho buih with ice
water, aud the first he got smell of his button
hole bouquet was an old maid who thinks pa lisa
heather, nut she likes To he made something of by
anybody that wears pants, and when pa sidled up
her and began talking about what great work the
Christian wmmen of the land were doing in educating
the heathen she felt real good, and then she noticed
pas pOsy In his buton-hoIe and she touched IL, and
squeezed the bulb, and about half tea-cup full
OF water struck her right In the nose
and some of II went into her strange place, and OH
mn, didn't she yell The sisters gathered around her.
and they said her face all preparations and the
paint was coming OH, and they took her In the kitchen,
and she told them pa had slapped her with dish OF
ice cream and the wllnmen told the minister and the
deacons and they went 10 pa for neXpanatiOn and
pa told them u was not so, and the minister got
Interested ana got near pa, aud pa let the go
MN and hit him on the eye aud then deacon got
dose, and ~ laughed, and then the minister, who
used to go to college aud he ha2er and hOx, he got
mad ana squared of and hit pa three times right by
the eye, and Of the deacons he Kicked pa aud pa
got mad aud said he could clean out the whole she
bang, and began 20 pnll of his coat, when they
bundled MIN out doors aud ma got mad 10 pa
abused, aud she LEFT the 8nCiable aud had Ia stay
ana eat Ice cream and things for the whole family
ia says that settles II with him. lie says they haven't
got any more Christian charity In that church than
they have got In tannery Ills eye8was lust getting
over being black from the sparring lessons, now
lie has got 10 go through The oysters aud beef
cure again lie says IL Is all owing me. '-Psck'S