South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-04-20
WIT AND IIU NOR.

yOuk SAobHso "ii"oci, "i' oA huseD
delighted with it. bought load OF
wood which proved loo wet and un6.
to use. / ran the whole load through
your wringer. and have used the wood
Tor kindling ever since
The latest mode of popping the ques.
ton was introduced by an Evansville
young man. The late cold snap nerv
ed him TO ask his adored: Miranda.
do you wish TO warm your fee, against
my back this winter AMI Miranda
blushed and softly murnured: Its 20.
ing TO be n terrible cold winter, John.
They asked him if he was the best
man at the wedding. No. he said Il
don't know as was the best, but, be
jabbers, | was as good as any Of 'em !.
among all the noat anecdotes TO be
found in our modern books of wit and
humor, we doubt II one can be found
moro absolutely perfect in its way than
the following. which occurred recently
in Washington. Colonel George Cat.
lin. United States Consul ut Stuttgart,
now on visit TO this Country. was CO.
ing up in the elevator at the State De-
partment with friend. Ths elevator
was pretty full of nicc-looking people
rs the Colonel and his friend got in.
SAN these people want foreign APP.
pointmcnts?' whispered he to his friend.
Il guess SO, was the response.
We'll, it's the best collection for for.
eign missions ever saw taken up said
the Colonel, audibly, while the .collec.
ton broke ont into 4 peal Of laughter.
The Rev. Jesse T, good old
Presbyterian minister. we'll known In
Central New York fifty years ago, was
man who could enjoy joke even at
his own expense, and when occasion
offered showed that the keenness and
brightness Of his wit was not dulled or
dlmmed by reason Of his age or calling.
During certain hOuse-cleaning tim es
when no was engaged in preparing his
sermon his good wife Gas even now good
wives will for all CT us) made it rather
hot for him. and he sadly wendell his
way to the garrc, with his writing ma
teriols: from thence lie sent the follow.
Ing down to his spouse:
When woman RACES down below,
Wise Solomon tells us where to 90.
L took The hint without replying,
And in the house.top now am signing.
There is an old lady living In a
neighborins village who makes frantic
efforts TO keep abreast Of the tmes.-
Circumscribed, however, iE her social
sphere, and With limited opportunities
OF developing, this is difficult, and she
is compelled sometimes TO resort TO her
imagination. Vain the effort to tell her
anything she Goes not already know, or
startle her with information. Last
winter she went TO the church sociable,
and rs she entered the room, one Of tn,
young ladies said; 'Good-evening,
anntie. act very glad you came. We
are going to have tableaux this evening
Yes, i know, know replied the old
lady Il smelt 'em when l first came
in NaPey's Magazine.
a FoRGETFgL JUDGE.- Chief.Justice
Jones OF New York was so fond of So
ciety that he never declined an invita-
ton to dinner or TO an evening par
ty. But his honor was forgetful
and an over.workcd man. and his desk
at home, where lie studied his cases.
was loaded with papers OF the mos.
miscellaneous character. When the
desk could hold no more, he would out
the papers into basket, and then the
process Of accumulation would 90 On as
before.
One day, the Chief-justico, nee ding
certain paper. rummaged through the
weli~liiled basket and found an invita-
ton to party. That evening he dress.
Cd himself and, about nine o'clock, walk.
eel into tho house Of his friend arrayed
in white kids, white crayat, swallow
tailed coat, and in the other essentials
Of y party suit.
On being usbered into the parlor, he
found, TO his surprise, the host sitting
there alone. reading his paper, bat no
sigma OF a PARTY
I'm afraid / have made o mistake,
cir, said tho CMcGJustcc, ancr The
cordial greeting OF bis friend
Ifyou have, vas the courteous re-
ply, j am obliged to The mistake, for Il
has given me ia: honor Of your com.
pany
But haven't yon party tonight
No, sir
Is not that from you, sir? asked the
judge, as be drew forth small note
from his pocket
Certainly. Judge replied the host,
rbut fLat yyoa Co- tbis do, ~ ell 49,. a.,