The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-01-05

to the same glory any whole hymn tAa'
you lind in the book and sat down.
Two servants Of coquette arc dis.
cussing the visitors of the house ut
seems to me-" says the first, '.that now
adays we never see Monsieur-Mon-
sieur-what is his namep The SRA W.
colored beardr' ''Ah! yes. The de-
lugev' "Why do you call him the De-
lugeP Because he reigned forty
days"
A new pension law il needed. Under
the present law the grandson of man
who intended to enlist but never got
around to it, owing to the pressure OF
private business, cannot make the PEN
sion Bureau clothe and feed him. and a
Congressional act is needed to remedy
this oversight.
LOng-haired men are generally weak
and fanatical, and men with scant hair
are the philosophers and soldiers and
statesmen of the world. London Lancet.
We will bet ten to one that the editor of
the Lancet is as bald as billiard ball.
and spent all his spare cash in hair re-
storatives before he settled down to the
above conclusion. Pill tdelphia Ne,0s.
A lady had in her employ an excel
lent girl who had one fault. Her face
was always in smudge. Mrs. -
tried to tell her to wash her face with
out offending her, and at last resorted
to strategy. '.Do you know, Bridget"
she remarked in confidential manner,
lit is said if you wash the face every
day in hot soapy water it will make you
beautiful" Twill itp'' answered the
willy Bridget. ''Sure it's wonder ye
niver tried it, ma'am!''
A young man called on a sarcastic
girl few evenings since, his legs done
up in the tightest of pants legs, and
she looked very sad, and her eyes had a
far-away look. He asked her what it
was that caused her to be troubled. She
looked ut his large, generous, fiddle-box
feet, and said she had been wondering
how he got his feet through the legs,
whether he unscrewed them and took
them off, or whether there was hinge
in the ankle SO he could straighten them
out.
"Now," said the teacher of the senior
class, at recent examination in a
public school, tive will have some quo
tations from different authors. Miss
Carrie, you may give selection indicat-
ing sweetness and an antagonistic COM
parison." The young lady. with mis-
chief sparkling in her eyes, arose and
electrified the audience with: "A kiss
without moustache is like an egg
without salt"
A poor man who had large family
broke his leg; and, as he would be for
some time destitute of the means of
grace, it was proposed to hold a prayer
meeting at his house. The meeting was
led by Deacon Brown. A loud knock at
the door interrupted the service. A tall,
lank. blue-frocked youngster stood at
the door, with an oX-goad in his hand,
and asked to see Deacon Brown.
Father could not attend this meeting,
but he sent his prayers; and they are
out in the cart" They were brought in,
in the shape of potatoes, beef, pork, and
corn.
''What are you going to do sitter you
,eave cOllege?,' asked the friend of the
Senior, whose day of graduation was at
hand 'Well," replied the Senior, 81
don't quite know as yet, but 1 think
shall take ORDERS" This was two years
ago; and now, as the quondam Senior
rides about in a cart as retail grocer's
third assistant deputy, and notes in
book the wants of customers, and then
comes around again later in the day and
delivers them, he smiles grimly as he
thinks that the irony of fate, like that of
some newspaper photographers, is occa-
sionally expressed in puns.
A little brown-eyed, tive-year.old had
beard his mother tell how she put down
eggs so they would keep, by setting
Them on their little ends in salt. The
next day he had some company, lot of
little girls, to play with him during the
afternoon, and he wanted them to stay
20 tea, and asked his mother to make
stay, but she said she didn't believe she
could keep them. He went down to the /
sitchen and came up with box of salt
and said: mamma, / know how you
San keep them. Keep them the way you
Keep eggs" That settled it.
How IN Deal With Rats