The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1883-01-19

THE MAJORS ARTIFICIAL LEa.-Maior
Todd, of Bangor, Me-, lost his rgh, leg at
the battle of fFredericksb sburg, and some time
ago he pu.chased an artificial leg from a
man in Washington. It contained sys.
tenn of springs which enlbled the Major to
use it in such natural manner that when
he was walking along the street nobody
would for mpm,nt suppose that he had
not both of his own legs.
One Sunday, while the Major was on his
way to church, he slipped up on the leo
and gave the store leg severe wrench. lie
must have dislocated some of the springs:
for, alter reaching the church and taking
his Tho -ol--g,rnuui was. read.
ing the Scriptures, the leg sud icnly flew up
and rested on the back of the seat in front
of him. The congregation looked at him
in amazcment, and he grew very red in the
face. AS soon as he took it down it
jumped up again AND wigglcd about on
the back of the pew, finally kicking Mrs.
Thompsons bonnet to rags. Then the Ma.
jor suppressed it again, and held it down,
but it Instantly began n. convulsivc move.
ment in his own pew, during which it upset
the stools, plunged around among the hymn
books aud hats, and hammered the board
beneath the scat until the minister had to
stop The sexton came rushing in to find
out what was the matter, aud tho Major,
after explaining the difficulty in whisper,
asked the sexton to let him lean on him
while he charged on the front door. As
soon as the Major got into the aisle that
dislocated leg kicked the the sexton sixteen
or seventeen times in a most insolent man
ncr, varying the exercises by making ecccn-
trio swoops off to one side, during which
it kicked eight of tho high hits at the pew
doors into black silk chaos
BY the time the Major reached the ves-
tibule the leg had become perfectly rcck-
less. 1t flew up before and it flew up be-
hind. 1t butted against the good leg, and,
dartcd out siGewise, and described circles
and tried to insert its toes in the Majors
coat-tail pockets, and to whack him on the
nose. When the sexton came with the
hack and put the Major in it the leg bangs
cd through the window glass, and when the
driver got down t. see about it the leg bran.
dishcd itself in his lace, and concluded the
exercise by planting terrible blow in his
ftRaRp I'D fG woaia 9g,ts nih len dollars to take
tho leg off, 'and the driver accepted the
offer. For several minutes it eluded all
his efforts to catch it as it danced about,
but finally he got hold of it and hung on
while the Major tried to unbuckle the
straps. Then it came off and rolled the
driver in the mud. He got upto watch it,
1t writhed and kicked and jumped and
throbbed and hoped; and whenever it
would make dash to one side or the 9th.
er the crowd would scatter in order to give
it full play. Finally Ben Woolley set his
dog on it, and most exciting contest en-
sued, the leg two or threo times running
off with tho dog; and it seemed likely that
the dog would get whipped. Mr. Woolley
got crow bar and aimed blow at the
leg, with the inten: to smash it; but he
missed and nearly killed the dog. AS soon
as the dog retired, Mr.. Woolley whacked it
again and burst it into flinders, and then
there was peace. The Major drove home
and got his crutches, and since then he has
confined himself TO the use of wooden leg
without springs. Chicago Herald.