Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-10-10
PLEASANTRIES,


=" GREEK? Do [ understand Greek ?"
said jolly German; "Vell, schoost
can schmlle. Wy, ven I vas leedle poy
always swim IN dot greek inshteadt of
dot rltter. "-NeD York Commercial
Advertiser.
HE most remarkable epitaph in Berk-
shire is that on thin slab of marble, in
the words, "To the memory of John
Smith, erected grhtuitously by his
brother" with the gratuitously" in
very large letters Boston transcript.
The photographers are making their
annual jokes about the beafsteak at
boarding houses which were scout from
behind the horns Of the animal" Well,
and where else would they have them
cut? savagely inquiries the Rochester
Post Express.
He slipped quietly in at the door, but
catching sight of an inquiring face over
the stair-rail, said: "Sorry so late, my
dear; couldn't get a car BEFORE" $50
the cars were full, too" said the lady,
and further remarks were unnecessary
Georgia major.
THE first swallow-tail coat a young
man wears will impress him more and
the dull, hazy past, and fuller realiza-
ton of the futures requirements and
grave possibilities, than all the philoso-
ply of Locke and Franklin.-E1.
The most unkind cut of all. Mr..
Tralala Ito barber after enjoying hair
cut and his first shave and receiving his
" check - think you've made mis-
take. Isn't shave 20 cents ?" Barber
| (deprecatingly) =" Really, I couldn't
think of charging for that, SIR Life.
A TRAMP reached into the pantry WIN
dow of an out town house, the other
night, and tried to steal pound of but
ter, but it was so strong that it drew
him in and whistled for the dog. The
tramp vows he will never tackle any
more country butter.-BHr. Free.
Press.
ONE of the mysteries of human nature
is that woman can wind her hair up
like a rope and stuff it in her mouth
with lot of hair pins, and still be able
to utter distinctly more words in two
minutes than man can say IN a week,
or shorthand reporter take down IN
three days.-Pasck.
DIR. SWIFT, of Rochester, n. Y, thinks
he has discovered the first comet of
1888. It is a small affair scarcely worth
the $500 which DIR. Swift will get for his
discovery, and as an advertising medium
for patent medicine will not begin to
equal space at top of column next to
reading matter.-Eg.
"WE have been married twenty. five
/ years, said an Austin lady of somewhat
vinegary disposition, 'Slet us go to
church to-day and thank God" &c You
may try it, answered her husband.
"You have reason to do so; I haven't.
If I celebrate the day at all, III hunt up
some sackcloth and ashes. Tega8 S5ft-
6ngS.
A FASHION exchange says that the jer-
sey is the most serviceable garment for
female wear that has been produced of
late years. Yes, that's SO. When a girl
is done wearing her Jersey, she can use
| it in making ear-mUfs and smoking. caps
for her fellow, or else cut 1t down and
mako an undershirt for the baby.-CKG-
c09O NeaOs.
A LADY subscriber wants to know how
to catch husband We have had no
experience in this kind OF sport person
ally, as we are unmarried, but we have
known husband to be caught by his
wife as he was leaving a bar-room.
From the animated conversation that
ensued it seemed TO casual observer
that the catching vas very exciting sport.
oil City Derrick.
81 HAVE got two invitations for to-
| morrow" said Clara. "Charlie wants me
to go with him, and Fred has also sent
me an invitation. / hate Fred, and the
place he is going to I don't like one bit. :"
''Then you will GO with Charlie ?'' sug-
gested her friend. 'sNo; | shall go with
Fred. The tickets to his excursion are
dollar apiece, while the tickets to
Charley's are only seventy -fVe cents. =
Boston Transcript.
AT school examination clergyman
was descanting on the necessity of grow
ing up loyal and useful citizens. In
order to give emphasis to his remarks
he pointed to large flag hanging on one
side of the school room and said:
"Boys, what is that flag for ?" An
urchin, WHO understood the condition of
the room better than the speakers rhe-
toric. exclaimed g To hide the dirt,
sir. Hart. Times.
"DEAR me p exclaimed city girl
who visited dairy for the first time,
"What queer looking stuff this is 1t
looks just like yellow paint. What is
2" "Why, that's cream on top of the
milk, sis, said the dairyman. is that
SOP" she asked, IN establishment.
'9Why, the cream [ use always comes in
boxes and has a label, SO we can tell
what it is" The farmer sat right down
on the stone floor and famed himself
with a milk pan.-N. Y DaegQ.
"GooD morning, Farmer Furrow,"
said the old deacon, as he leaned over
the fence to have a friendly chat
g Mornin', deacon, nodded the farmer.
g How is that sick pig this morning ?"
sob, that's gettin' along right smart, I
reckon, cheerfully answered the gran
ger. ''And how is the rest of your
folks % continued the deacon. The
farmer said nothing, but reached down,
licked up an overripe melon and fired it
right at the deacon's head. "There!"
he exclaimed; "by the time We git them