davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

WHAT is the difference between the pass.
ing OF full-dressed lady and an enfran.
chised grub? One is hutter-fly and the
other Is butterfly. Transcript.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

FAIRFIELD, IowA.--Dr. J. L. Myers says:
"Rrown's Iron Bitters is the best iron
preparation l have ever known inmy thirty
years of practice"
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02
Palpita tIons Of the Heart.

Coming on atuncertain intervals: shortness
OF breath, ana sort of dry cough are not
unfrequent symptoms of dyspepsia, and
tend to confirm melancholy Impressions,
Gastrine, remedy for indigestion. gives in
slant relief.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

A BURGLAR being asked by magistrate
his occupation, facetiously replied: -
house.cleaner, your Honor"
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

RHEUMATISM, disordered blood, general
debility, and many chronic diseases pro-
nounced incurable, are often cured by
Browns Iron Bitters."
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

JOPLIN, Mo.--Dr. j. B. Morgan says: 81
find that Browns Iron Bitters gives entire
satisfaction to all who use it,"
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

"Golden Medical Discovery
for all scrofulous and virulent blood poi.
sons, is specific. By druggists.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

STORED urn and animated bustn-Tell
ing lie for one dollar and getting drunk
ON the proceeds.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

"WHAT is the worst thing about riches ?'
asked teacher ''Their scarcity" replied
a boy, and he was Immediately awarded a
prize.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

"SURELY, you've not washed this morn.
ing, TommyW mo, mamma! was in bod
SO late last night that didn't think r.
quired it."--London Punch.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

GREEN apples will soon be here; but, in
the meantime, the small boy can continue
playing with the toy pistol.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

The manufacture of a glue to mend
broken resolutions would prove very profit
able just now. :,
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

STEHoe RAPHERs do a lot of work, consid-
erfng how short-handed they are.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02


urpxx d.ts Of yoy. d, fssa. Mr. 1ber ". NnalR
Of Pratt and whitney Company. Hartford. 49,
writes:
Having been great suzerer from severe ese.ek
ofkldney disease and endured for along timcthe IN
tense pain many sches and extreme weakness Us ~
ways attend this dread disease, intending The te1nse
backache after trying doctors prescriptions and Msn
other 90 called cures without gaining any benent
was finally persuaded to take Hunts Remedy and NJ
er using it very short time and myself entirely -
heyed from the backache and other palms, and better
than all the other Improvements In my general heeh
any kidney disease cured. 1t affords me great pleas
ure to recommend Hunts Remedy to ~ who ma y p
suffering as have been il Il safe and Ts& ~
medicine for kidney disease
Honest Indorscmene.
Nh c. T. MELVIN. of Providence, r L. saya
"Believfng. as do that an honest indorsemene =
on you claim for the virtues Of Hunts Remedy with
pleasure attest to the fact that its &C Ton in restoring
healthy condition to diseased kidneys and Iivs \ =
my case little less than miraculous"
So say we all of rs. 80
One. two. three. four Of uA"-
and 90 on up to thousands that Hunts Remedy > NJ
somparably the best Kidney and Liver medicine known
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

Singing, irritation, all Kidney and Blad-
der Complaints, cured by "Buchu-Paiba." 81.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

II af1icted with Sore Eyes, use DIR. Isaac
rhompsen's Eye Water. Druggists sell it. 25c
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

CHRoLrHToN Collars and Cuffs, while
thoroughly waterproof, feel as soft as vel.
vet around the neck and wrists.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

Wells Rough on Corns." 15c. Ask for It.
Complete. permanent cua. Corns, bunions.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

Don't Die in the House. Rough on Rats"
clears out rats mice dies. reaches bed-bugs. 15c.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

SrRAIGHTEN your old boots and shoes with
Lyons Patent Heel Stifener, and wear them
again. Sold by shoe and hardware dealers.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

REDpIsd's Russia Salve has proved its efa-
cheney by test of rs years constant use. Try it.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02
Skinny Men. sweIls' Hesieh Remover"
restores health and vigor, cures DySpepsia-
slenn's Sulphur sosp

Skinny Men. "weIls' Health Remover"
restores health and yigor, cures Dy0pepsia.
Glenn's Sulphur sosp
Is used IN Hospitals as disinfecting agent.
Pixies toothache drops cure in one minute.
Flies, reaches, ants, bed-bugs, rats, mice,
crows, cleared out by Trough on Rats. n15c.
REDprEa's Russia salve has proved its efa-
cheney by test Of rs years constant use. Try it.
~
sTRAIGHTEN your old boots and shoes with
Lyons Patent Heel Stiffener, and wear them
again. Sold by shoe and hardware dealers.
Wells Rough on Corns." 15c. Ask for It.
COMPLETE. permanent cu1e. Corns, bunions.
CHRoLrrHIoN Collars and Cuffs, while
thoroughly waterproof, feel as soft as vel.
vet around the neck and wrists.
Don't Die in the House. trough on Rats"
clears out rats. mice flies reaches bed-bugs. 15c.
Foa burns, scalds bruises chapped hands,
sores or piles use st. Patrick's Salve.
II an1icted with Sore Eyes, use DIR. Isaac
rhompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell it. 25c
-s--
Singing, irritation, all Kidney and Blad-
der Complaints, cured by "Buchu-Paiba. 81.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-06-02

Flies, reaches, ants, bed-bugs, rats, mice,
crows, cleared out by Rough on Rats. "15c.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
ORANGE CULTURE IN SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA,

The orange-tree grows all the time.
That Is to be thought of. It calls for
the frequent cares which are its due as
we'll IN winter as in summer. Not few
persons Of the invalid class who had
looked upon its culture as mere pas
time have been broken down through
this cause, and having taken up more
land than they could manage. The les
son OF such cases is not to attempt too
much, but to keep to the five Or ten
acres perhaps within ones personal ca
pacity. Nor has it been polite to put
everything into the single crop Of oran-
ges. The smaller fruits-peaches,
plums, and especially apricots-for can
ming, which come into bearing quickly,
are useful in tiding over the rather
tedious period ofwaiting for the orange
trees to mature, and are always in
profitable demand. To start existence
comfortably here the newcomer should
have capital of from S., 900 to $4,000.
Peculiar energy, of course, will do with
less.
1t requires about nine years to bring
an orange-tree from the seed into full
bearing. On the other hand, it is found
that by deftly inserting an ,orange bud
into small shoot of lemon-tree slitted
in an X shape, and setting this in the
ground, tree can be obtained which
bears marketable fruit after the second
year. The controversy RACES as to
whether it is worth while to do this,
since the product is but dwarf, like
the dwarf pear-tree; and though it
yields early it can never yield much,
and its fruit does not stand shipment as
well as that of the Seeding. Against
this it is maintained that it lives longer
than the Seeding, yields choicer varieties
of fruit, more uniform in size and quail
ity, and not subject to the singular form
of destruction which sometimes over
takes the Seeding, that of being dashed
against its own thorns. JVilliant Henry
Bishop, IN HdT'De7'S Md0dzi11e.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
MAKING NEUSPAPERS.

"There is nothing in the paper" said
a young friend, dashing it to the floor.
"No news at all it's miserable, stupid"
Look again, my dear friend, at the care
fully-printed columns; the different
headings; foreign, home and domestic
news; the wit and humor. Think, for
moment, when you gaze at it, how the
editcr has tried to please you. There is
probably no class of men more over
worked than these no labor more wear
ing than mental labor. It is so easy to
cry out: Nothing in the paper" for
those who know little of the drudgery,
the pains-taking, the hours of mental
weariness, the tedious compositions. 1t
is common saying, when person
is not exactly suited, to exclaim,
"There is nothing in the paper" In
railroad car I once observed two gentle
men purchase Of the same edition OF
paper. One soon handed his to neigh
Dor, exclaiming, "Here. Sam. have the
morning paper? There is nothing in it
to-day; it is hardly worth reading"
The other gentleman continued to be
absorbed. Presently the man by his
side asked him what interested him so
much. Everything the paper is well
gotten up this morning; the editorials
are especially fine" This ploves that
what pleases one does not suit the other
Be assured it is no child's play to edit
and conduct newspaper; it is very
tedious, important, responsible position.
and the man who manages a well-circu-
lated, satisfactory newspaper has almost
the wisdom of a Solomon. Let those
who doubt take the editors place for
while; nothing more is needed for
grumbler. Our friend, when she is
tempted to make such silly remarks, had
better pause to consider whether the
fault be in the paper or her silly little
head. PHILADELPHIA Herald.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
NEWSPAPER PROPERTY IN NEW
YORK.

Newspaper property, ordinarily con-
sidered precarious, was never so sub
stantial as now. The great papers are
overcrowded with advertising, and cir
culations are reported as increasing by
every reputable publisher. The Her.
aid, always an anomaly, this year bids
fair to exceed even itself, but its patron
age is unique and peculiar and exclu-
sive, so that, while it always prints a
triple sheet and generally a quadruple,
this year it runs off quintuple and sex
tuples, and on several occasions has
amazed its patrons and disgusted the
carriers by septuple issue, of which
from 10 to 119 columns are filed with
small advertisements. 1.-THE Satla is a
better property to-day than ever; the
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
H1LF A s4IRr TO HIS BACK

One sultry Sunday a minister was
laundering away at his drowsy congre-
cation, the majority of which would go
to sleep in spite of all his efforts. At
last he shouted: Wake up here /!
There is man preaching to you who
has only half shirt on his back!" It
woke them tremendously. The next
day delegation of ladies visited the
parsonage and presented the preacher
with package containing some very
nice shirts, saying, @that it was a shame
that he should be reduced to half a
shirt to his back" He replied, after
accepting the shirts with thanks, that
he was not literally reduced to half
shirt, although he wore only half on
his back; he woDe the other half in
front of him."
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
SHE THOUGHT THE DOCTOR OUGHT
TO KNOW.

A little Oil City girl was taken sick,
and her parents called doctor whom
she did not like.
care you sick, Oracle? ?" asked the
NJ. D., as he bent over his little patient.
The little lady looked at him mo-
ment in the utmost disdain, and then, in
tone of the deepest sarcasm, replied,
as she turned her face from him:
"Well, should think you ought to
know. Do you suppose I am lying here
in bed and taking your horrid old medi
cine for the fun of it?"
The doctor wilted.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
HOW C4NDOR PAYS,

ave had better understand each 9th
er," he said deprecatingly, as he sham
bled into the editorial room, "before We
begin. I'm book-agent!"
Unmindful of the groans that met
this statement he went on:
I'm not a white-haired philanthro-
pist from New Haven, who has come
South through sympathy for your
stricken people. I'm a fair, square,
bald-headed book-agent."
Encouraged by the reception of this
frank avowal he took seat, and, drop
ping his feet in waste-basket, said:
I'm not a retired clergyman who
seeks to scatter religious instruction
while he builds up his worn-out frame
in your balmy cline. I'm not an apostle
of art who has consented to seek your
benighted region, and educate your peo
pie by parting with few picture-books
in parts. I'm not temperance lectur-
er from Bangor who pays expenses by
dispensing of literature on commission
while he regenerates the rum-sucker.
I'm not all of these-nor either. I'm an
unmodifed book-agent, with none of
the corners rounded, running on cheek
in pursuit of tin
Here's candor at least" remarked
the young man who writes the puffs of
hardware stores.
Eyes; candor at best. I'm not
gilded sham. You don't pick me up
for Prince in disguise or art or mo-
rality going incog. I do not fly the
skull or crossbones hid behind a hoi-
day flag till I've grappled and boarded
you. I've got the regular old Deaths
head nailed to the mast, and I'm a pi-
rate from keel to center board, and If
you don't want that sort of company
blow me out of the water"
He had the whole force on deck at
this point.
"I've got no of-hand preamble to
my bloody work. [ do not lead you
through the fowery paths of ease to
where I've got the trap sprung. do
not beguile with anecdote, inspire with
eloquence, soothe with persuasion or
pique with local gossip. was not di-
rected to you as a leader of culture or
person who'd be likely to buy. I
won't show you a list of high-toned
decoys who have put their names down
to get rid of me and to draw you in.
I don't show the work I'm selling, and
I've never been able to learn the idiots
soliloquy that explains the pictures" ="
Here he paused while the manager
called for the cash-boy.
"That's about the size of me and my
business. The books right here-ffty
parts, so cents a part, plenty O pictures
and big type for the reading, written
by somebody or other and means so
clear money to me every time I work
one off. Do you take, OF do I go?"
By this time eleven copies of the first
part were ordered, and the "eleven
able" resumed their work, while the
Office boy indites this tribute to man
who amt ashamed of his little racket. =
| atlanta Constitution.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

came in and told us that the young man
was his charge and OH his way to Mount
Pleasant Asylum for the Insane, and
that we should have to excuse the
intrusion. After subscribing for the
paper and asking us if we had heard
from Ohio, he went away.
The scientist said afterward that he
found it difficult to follow the young
man in some of his statements, and that
he was just going to ask him to go over
that again and say it slower, when the
Mount Pleasant man came in and inter-
rupted the flow of conversation.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

SAID the Texas man to his Northern
guest: "There isn't much fun going on
this week; now, if you'd come week
ago, could have taken you to three
lynchings and dance, but just now
there isn't much sport on hand. How
ever, if you like, we'll go down TO the
saloon and start fight. I've no doubt
the boys would go in to make it pleasant
for stranger" Texans are hospitable
men.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
GEN. BUTLEK SrUMPED.

A story is told of Gen. Buffers sar-
castle retort upon Massachusetts,
Judge, whom he was leasing for ruling
favorable to cause he was defending
in court. The Judge got out of patience
at last, and somewhat testify exclaimed.
"Mr. Butler, what do you think sit
here for?" The General quietly
shrugged his shoulder and replied
"The court has got me now"
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

Times is doing well; the Tribune has
picked up greatly; Truth is to be found
on every newsstand; the Star beams
prosperously, and the evening papers,
most of which have job offices connected
with them, are all in a satisfactory mon
etary condition.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
IN UNCLE TO HIS OWN GRANDcK11D

IN UNCLE TO HIS OWN GRANDCKILD
A Westport man has his family rela-
tionship terribly intermixed. AS the
relationship now stands, he is brother
in-lawto his own daughter, uncle to his
own grandchild, and his wife becomes
stepmother to her own brother and
grandmother to her own niece, while
his daughter becomes sister-in-law to
her own father, and his son-in-1aw be-
comes step-son-in-law to his own sister,
while he stands in the double relation
ship of son-in-law and brother-in-law to
the much-related man first mentioned.
Hartford COaLrn1L.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
rEs, rEs, CRICKET, LOVE HIM."
BY MARGARET EyTTEGE.

51e twilight faded into night,
The pale moon brighter grew,
The soft greensward so eagerly
Was welcoming the dew
That it my footsteps ne'er betrayed
As L drew near my gray-eyed maid
Ny gray-eyed maid who never yet
Had answered yea nor nay,
But when begged of her kiss
Looked straight another way,
And spoke of tree, or flower, or bird,
AS though she had not heard word.
fingered by the open door,
She dreamed not was near,
And thus it was my happy fate
The song she sang to hear
A song with sweetest music filled,
Sang to the strain a cricket shrilled.
1t was the most delightful thing
To lover ever known,
Her merry notes accorded to
The crickets monotone,
And as the words she sang caught,
The night with melody seemed fraught.
YES, yes, cricket, love him,
And some time I'll tell him so;
But not yet-oh, no, no, no!
Modest maidens should be slow
What is in their hearts to show.
And It's but two months ago
Since we first met. Pinks and roses,
Sweet things, had just ceased to blow.
Yes, yes, cricket, love him.
Yes, yes, cricket, 1 love him,
And some time I'll tell him SO:
But not yet-oh, no, no, no!
/ Twill be as cold as snow
Till his eyes reproachful grow,
Till he turns from n e to go;
Then I'll whisper softly, softly,
That which you already know,
Yes, yes, cricket, / love him"
Before the last word parted from
The air, I'd reached her side,
And taken from her lips the kiss
She had so oft denied.
She tried to frown, but smiled ere long;
She knew I'd heard the cricket-song.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
THE NAME OF FRELNGHUYsEN

Secretary of State Frelinghuysen is a
nephew of Theodore Frelinghuysen,
who ran for Vice President on the ticket
with Henry Clay, and was a distin-
guished member of what was called the
"singing wing of the Wing party. F"
The name Of Frelinghuysen was for
some time q stumper to the campaign
song writers-that was singing cam
paign-but was finally got over as fol-
lows:
rooster Jumped upon the fence,
Just as the was risen,
And elapped his wings and crowed, he did,
For Clay and Frelinghuysen.
The Democrats found out that it also
rhymed with "pizen" "a discovery
which they celebrated in verse. Mrs.
Frelinghuysen was daughter of George
Griswold, a merchant prince of New
York, man of cultivated literary tastes
and the friend of Irving, N. P. Willis,
and the men of letters of New York fifty
years ago.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13
THEY REPENrED OF rHEMsE1vi S.

A Pennsylvania grand jury recently
indicted man for stealing an umbrella,
and later, as they came out Of the jury
room to go home and observed that ii
had come on to rain, they gazed at lot
of umbrellas that stood in rack and
muttered softly to themselves, "What q
fool fool is r'-BOston Post.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

The present head of the Mormon
church is building mansion costing
500, 900, and, when some of the saint4
asked where he got the funds, he tolc
them to shut up or prepare for hades.
They don't even have to wh;tewash out
in Utah.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

IF you have any faith, give me, for
heavens sake, a share of it! Your
doubts you may keep to yourself, for I
have plenty of my own.-GOethe.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

KNOWLEDGE without justice ought to
be called cunning rather than wis.
dom.-Pldte.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

THERE are $3.50, ,693 colored people in
the United States.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

HE great ice-tields in the North
Atlantic, says the Rochester Democrat,
are probably the causes of our very
chilly weather. Were it not for the
enormous ice drift out of Baffin's bay,
each year, our climate would be quite
mild in comparison with what it is. The
vast field of ice and monstrous bergs
rob the air of its warmth and produce
chilling winds. The influence of the
Gulf stream is neutraliZed until the ice
disappears.
Daily globe., 1883-05-13

Aceu, Sic euheuOue ouuSoUeI, t1lOl, Nneu
Ben asked her if she did, she owned up.
One day he found Panama and her talk
ing together by the front door, and he
says to the young man:
"'Panama,' says he, 'ye got sort of
q sneakin' notion for Ketu, amt yep
Wall, now, Curly said Panama
everybody called Ben Curly ye've
struck the proper tree for shingles this
time says he.
Wanter marry her, don't yep said
Curly.
Wall, now, ruther,' said Panama.
"'Ye amt much on the shoot, be ye?
Amt rasseled round the swamps with
many bar, yit, hev ye? Don't know
how it feels to hev painter chaw ye,
do We? Ye amt never even shot rab-
bit, hev yep and Ben threw one curl
behind his ear.
"'Tve shared 'em,' said Panama,
feeling his knees begin to shake.
"'Ye've shared 'em, hev yep yelled
Ben, singing t'other curl behind t'other
ear. 'Ye've shared 'em, hev ye? Wall,
looky yer; wanter plant it inter ye
that ye can't come snarin' nothin
round this yer clearin' Bars is what
counts whar I rule the roost! Bars,
ye shingle-splittin' lummix Bars
b'arsp and Curly danced around poor
Panama like an Indian.
about the time that Panama and
Ketu were nearly scared to death Curly
quieted down. He took one curl from
behind his ear.
Say, kin ye fetch me in bar, dye
s'pose% he asked. Eff We kin fetch me
bar, ye kin hev the gal, ez wuthless
ez ye be!'
Curly said Panama, eff they's g
bar ez high ez forty mile O Big
Hick'ry, I'll git him for you, eff follel
him Yearp
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-08-04
Lost.

Lost.
On Sunday morning pair Of large
balance scales, for weighing ice. be-
tween the residence of General Murphy
and the former residence of Harry
Hunter. The finder will be rewarded by
leaving the same at Doc Benton's stable
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-08-04
MORNING APPEAL
sArURpAY AUGUST 4, lsss
A had system.

The fate Of Carey the informer
has called forth expressions of sat
isfaction from nearly every paper
in the Union. Yet At many of our
leading schools and colleges the
"Monitorial system" is in vogue.
1t is simply contemplate spy sys-
tenn where tattlers and busy bodies
are rewarded by special marks OF
favor from the faculty, and students
are punished who do not reveal to
the college authorities any madcap
:ro,ics in which their companions
are engaged. Racine College, Wis
consin, has used this plan for the
last quarter of century, and .
printed catalogue, now lying before
US, dilatss upon its beauties. No
doubt the graduates of this univer-
atty would find remunerative en-
ploymeat by addressing the English
Government with diplomas en-
closed.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1883-08-04
Battle OfPyraE.id Lake

A correspondent Of the Call
has attempted to write up the bat
tie of Pyramid Lake fought in May,
1860, between los whites, over
which Major Ornasby held main
command. and force Of Piu'e In
Gians. Several other correspond
eats have taken the article to task
and shown concIusively that the
writer knew nothing of his subject.
The most reliable and extended ac-
count of the memorable fight ap-
pearsd about three years ago in the
APPEAL, and was acknowledged by
both the whites and Indians engag-
I'd in the affair, to be correct. The
details were cleaned from old Chi
quito, Winnemucca and several OF
the surviving whites.