The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

The potato people ara most useful.
A Suggestion: 1.-the originals can
not be induced to pose for the purpose
how would 1t do TO shoot the Indians
and hereafter model cigar signs from
dudesp ,ryg4 d, s-
with Waterman on all sides, " the
New York burglars break into safes and
help themselves 20 the contents. Thus
far they have stolen none OF the watch
men, but much apprehension is felt.
IL was drunk when married her.
pleaded the defendant to the court,
''Most men arewhomarry pretty wives"
returned the judge, Beauty is always
Intoxicating. N-~Brooklyn Eagle
Baby nudgcs his mothers elbow
mamma, stop Toto from killing the fly
on the window What for?" "Be-
cause want to kill him myself y
French Fun.
Woman's dress is said by London Truth
to be threatened ''with terrible clum-
siness,' Doubtless, though, husbands
will have to be more agile than ever in
skirmishing around to pay for it.
Now that Arthur Sullivan is knighted
we shall expect no more musical works
from him, for the good book tells us
that when the knight cometh no man
can work
"Mr. lsaacs, can you tole me we're vas
the first diamond?' "No, Mr.. Yaw-
cobs; we're vas it?" Ivy, Noah's son
on der ark; he vas Shem of der fust
water.
Joseph Cook has written an article on
tobacco, but fails to teach the secret of
carrying cigars in the vest pocket in
such manner that ones friends can
not detect them.
"Do you see that young man going
along thereP" Yes; what Of itP" Hes
got girl on the BRAIN "Ah; Judging
from his appearance the girl must have
y soft sit, l...
AT breakfast the other morning
New York dude declined piece of shad
He had been told that fish food made
brain, and he didn't want to unfit him
self for the position he occupied in So
ciety, .f
1t has been said that on founding
colony, the first thing Spaniard does
is to build gallows, Portuguese to
build church, an Englishman a drink
ing-booth, and Frenchman a dancing
floor.
1t has been discovered that one cause
Of the popularity of the telephone con-
sists in the fact that by means of it
man can talk with friend five min
uteS without asking him to take
drink.
The Philadelphia NeWS defines the
difference between newspaper man
and journalist A newspaper man is
one who has been writing editorials for
twenty years. A journalist is one who
began police reporting two weeks ago.
II viii love you always said a
young man to the girl whose hands he
clasped. sIwill love you when you are
old" but will you love me when I'm
fat, she said. That's the question. "
--ArkdnSdD Traveller. .
A Cincinnati paper says the audience
grew enthusiasticove pasteboard lion
| that did duty in one of the Roman PLAYS
last week. This lion probably looked
something like goat, and was mistaken
for a bock-beer sign.
1t is said by somebody that the poll
Test man in Des Moines is gentleman
who put telephone in at his home a
few days ago, and who has called the
central Office up regularly every night
since to bid the operators good night"
before retiring,
"Was the alderman drunk?n asks an
exchange, in giving an account of the
actions of one of those interesting per-
sonages. Well, we cant exactly say,
but we should think he was old-a-map
,nough to know better than to do such
things.
al have been married now,' boosted
prosy old fellow, ,'more than thirty
gears, and have never given my wife a
cross word. "l'hat's because you never
dared, uncle" said little nephew who
lived with them. III you had, auntie
would have made you jump"
Omaha wonders why she can't pro-
duce a great actor or poet and then
turns around and tells OF a citizen fall
ing beneath wagon loaded with two
tons of stone and having a wheel pass
over his head without cracking his skull,
Detroit Free Press.
Here you, didn't you read the sign
1T is against the rule to smokein these
cars p" Eyes, Tread your blamed old
sign and | have not broken your rule yet.
I'm smoking in the singular number in
this one car just now. When | smoke
in these cars then it will be time for
you to talk. "-7eraS SGngS,
A cat has nine lives. But that doesn't
enable you TO comprehend how you can
hear her, or him, as the case may be,
spit and squall and yell in fifteen differ
ent places on four shed roofs and two
fences at the same time Alas, how
weak and vain thing Is science, after
all!-Burlington Ha0keye,
"When were these eggs boiled?" ask
ed man of negro lunch dealer. "Dis
mawnin, sab. We'll, then, they
no account. ! cant eat an egg tina.
hash t been boiled several days" "Oh,
does yer mean when da was fust billed?
Da was billed fus' las week, an was
only billed ODER dis mawnin', sab. "
ArbansaU 1raveier