Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-23
RAISING RAILS.
The Policemaass Chorus In the Pirates Discounted
During the Late War.

|
There was only one buffer in the
army, and he belonged to Company i,
Regiment. Commencing life as
newsboy in New York, he had drifted |
into an adventurous life on the ocean,
and at the time of enlistment was at |
Cincinnati, considering whether he had |
better join minstrel troupe as an end |
man or ship as cook on steamboat. |
As he would pathetically declare, 1.-THE
war saved him from more ignobler |
fate" He had been in every seaport |
town in the old world, and had sort of |
piratical independence in his way of |
acting; had the quality of adapting him.
self TO circumstances, and had a genu- |
inc enjoyment in skirmish or battle. |
Although he called the Colonel Dave,
and the Captain Bob, and the Orderly
"Old Roll-call," he earned the reputa-
tion of being a good soldier. Buffer
loved good fire. Rail fences were his
special delight. and dry cedar rails al
ways tempted him to build fire whether
one was needed or not. On one occa-
sion the regiment was camped in
Union neighborhood, and an order was
issued that no rails should be burned.
Buffer considered this all wrong, and
to be treated with contempt. Every
night he built rail fire in secret, and
warmed himself with rare enjoyment.
Other members of the company seeing
that Buffer escaped detection or pun
ishment determined to build rail fires
also. And finally the next company did
the same. All went well for time.
Every night as soon as it was dark the
boys would steal off tc distant fence,
each man shoulder his rail, and slip
into camp. One night as the two conn.,
panies left to secure their supply of
rails, the Colonel then in command of
the brigade received notice of the raid.
He ordered out two companies of an
other regiment, and as the boys came
slyly to company quarters they were put
under guard. Then when all were in,
about sixty in number, they were
marched, each man carrying his rail, to
brigade headquarters and ordered to
march back and forth for two hours,
each man to keep his rail on his shout
der.
Buffers eyes twinkled at this order.
He marshaled the indignant or discon-
ISOLATE men in company form and pa
raded in regular marching order. He
so arranged that in turning one man
should left face and his partner right
face, so that the rails should crash to-
gether. There was of course a terrible
racket. Buffer initiated the Colonel in
giving orders, making his voice ponder
Gus and his accent strong, and march
ing his battalion occasionally so near
headquarters as TO almost touch the
tent. The spirit of mischief made
the boys reckless, and all enjoyed the
fun. The Colonel finally came out and
ordered the men to stop that noise.
Under Buffers instruction the men
moved forward, not speaking q word,
but crashing rails whenever they turned.
The Colonel stormed and swore, but no
one needed him The rail battalion
moved around the little parade
ground in front as sedately as
if on drill. paying no atten-
ton TO officer or guard. This con-
tinued for many minutes, the Colonel
shouting himself hoarse. At last as he
left his tent and moved toward them
Buffer shouted: by the left flank,
march," and then as the line swept up
toward the Colonel came the order:
Halt, present arms
Every rail came down to present,
and the men stood like statues, Buffer
in front. ''Did you speak, Colonel?'
questioned Buffer, in his blandest tone.
Il should think | did, y roared the Col
ouel. 'He thinks he spoke, calculated
Buffer, in q Sons of Malta sephulchral
tone, turning to the lines of men in the
dark The men alert and audacious, TAX
ing the cue, '.He thinks he spoke" was
passed down the line in deep-toned
echo. A dozen men were quick TO
catch the spirit of the thing, and bold
in the dark and with disguised voices
they kept "He thinks he spoke" echo
ing in scphulchral rumbles until the
thing became irresistibly funny. For a
moment the Colonel, astounded at the
audacity of the men and amused in
spite of his anger, was at loss. Then
plunging in at random, he Numbered
out, This is disgrace to the service.
You ought, every one of you. to be in
your quarters" Breaking in upon this
speech, Buffer said in measured, en-
phatic, sephulchral tone, ave ought to
be in our quarters and as it went
down the line he shouted, ''all agreed"
and down went the rails and away went
the men scattering in the dark.
The Colonel forgot discipline and
laughed From distance came the
sound Of Buffers voice, saying, "boys,
he laughs" and then from every direc-
ton came the deep-toned echo che
laughs" This was succeeded by a
hearty laugh, and the only record of
Buffers fence brigade was the stunning
array of cedar rails in front of the brig
adc headquarters. As none of them
were there the next morning, the Colo
mel inferred that Buffer and his men
had been in action during the night, but
as Buffer remarked, .he couldn't prove
it, Chicago Inter Ocean.