Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1883-05-10
The Delaware Bed.

Puck.
At any hotel in Delaware you can
get positive bed-a bed that is as
comfortable to sleep in as it is to look
upon-in short, bed that comes up
to the description set forth in any re-
spectacle dictionary. 1t is not one of
those uneven, mountainous things
euphemistically called beds-those
things that shed their Stats and keep
you awake all night and charge you
$40 a week for oingit-but regular,
honest, ninety cents on the dollar
feather bed. And thick-why, a
Delaware feather bed is so thick that
you can't climb into iii You have to
stand on the bureau and jump on 1t.
And when you land en- it you com
mence to sink. And you sink, and
sinh, and sink, until you think you are
down in the cellar. And you sleep SO
well and so sound that you conclude
in the morning that you never knew
what sleeping was before.
But when the morning comes the
fun commences.
The fun consists in getting out OF
that bed. You had to lump to get
into it, instead of having a ladder; but
you cannot jump out of it. 1t isn't
solid enough for foothold, and if you
attempt to jump you will only lose
your balance and fall. The fall won't
hurt you any, unless your head comes
in contact with the head board. Thon
you will feel lonesome. You try to
walk off the bed but you can t; you
become exhausted before you reach
the edge. 1t is like walking through
a swamp.
You wish there was chandelier
over the bed that you could grab and
swing from on to the floor, but there
is no chandelier there. And you wish
you had rope fastened to the door
knob, that you might haul yourself
out; but you haven't, and that is the
end Of it, dearly beloved, and there is
no use of worrying about it.
Then you try to swim of; but you
cant. You reach out and try to haul
yourself up to the edge; but instead OF
hauling yourself up to the edge, you
haul about four tons Of feather bed
down to your face.
Oh, how you yesrn an1 silently wish
for good pair of Canadian snow shoes
with spurs on theml But there is no
use OF signing for them, for there isn't
pair in town; and if there was, you
couldn't secure them without first
getting out of bed.
Then you think it would be a grand
idea to pull some of the feather-bed up
from the edge and fall over it, and siit
yourself through the stats, but this
you cannot do, because you are already
up to your ears in feather bed, and If
you go to pull the edge to you, you will
be over your head and suffer asphyxi-
alton.
And then you sigh for your jacks
knife, that you may tap the bed and
let all the feathers run out on the
floor. But your jack knife is in your
trousers pocket, and your trousers
pocket is in your trousers, and your
trousers are on the chair, and the
chair is by the window, and the win.
dow is about twelve feet from the bed
and there is no boat hook in.the room,
and your knife might as we'll be in
the next county. This causes you to
give up the idea of tapping the bed
with your jack knife, and you just
stand up and yell "Firel Murderl"
and everything else you can convent
emily think Of.
Then up come the bar tender, and
the porter, and the proprietor, and
burst open your door, because you
can't open it yourself. Then they
look for you-they try TO find the
point from which the noise comes.
And when they find where you are,
they pick the feather bed up and,
after four or five minutes hard work,
manage to shake you cut of it on the
floor.