New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-04-11
WIT AND HuM0R.


Yea, red as Il rose was she;
Hut to-day my loves az pale and white
AS the blooms OF the apple tree.
Poor thing! she Ia pafnR for me. think;
Her mother stole ia. While my love was asleep.
And stole her pink saucer away.
The new French rifle will carry over
two miles, and the bullet will travel
nearly as fast rs scandal.
Pa said little fellow to his TN
shavcn father, ''your chin looks like the
wheel in the musical box
with this bonnet the mouth is worn
slightly OPEN is the wording of n sign
in the window of Paris modiste.
Mrs. Lille Dcyercaux Blake asks, sis
il 4 crime to be n woman 1t certain
~ is when there is great necessity for
dressing in hurry.
When young Podg'ilns was embraced
by Miss Arlington, he said that he
hadn't thought he should rvcrbc locked
in padded shell.
4 Chicago newspaper man has. been
caught forging railroad passes. This is
IN unusual case though Generally.
Chicago newspaper men are too sharp
to be caught. Boston Post.
Broom at the Top Three dollars n
week, one towel day, no weather
strips, steal. your soap. Oh, yes, SON
ny, we know all about that Groom at
the Top. '-I"r1.
There is nothing new under the sun.
Solomon anticipated the modern lamb
in Wall street when he described the
fool going to the correction of the
stocks.-Li)c.
Several of our exchanges are devot-
ing considerable space to the import
ance of cooking girls It's no usc
We don't want them cooked. The raw
damsel is good enough for us.-Ilarl-
jord Times.
In Boston they arc so cultured that
when theatre is full down stairs and
the only vacant space is in the gallery,
the managers hang out a placard, on
which is printed: ApotheosiS only by
which is meant that visitors can still be
placed among the gods.
There is good fellowship among the
newspapers Of Oil City. The Morning
Derrick, being washed ont by the flood,
the Erening Blix=urN offered it's facili-
Latest Gusher and the Bull Bear Buglc
offered to back 100000 barrels ''long'
for the benefit of the unfortunate.
II think" said fond parent, :'that
little Jimmy is going to be a poet when
he grows up. He doesn't eat, and he
sits all day by the fire and thinks, and
thinks.' "You had better grease him
all over said Aunt Jcrusha. ''He's
going to have the measles. That's what
alls jimmy
A seven-ycar-oldcr. with the punstcr's
mark on his brow, at dinner asked his
mother what was in jar on the table.
pickles, my son. was the reply.
Then, mamma, please pickle little one
out for me.' came with stunning force
from the child, and the mother fell over
= chair and tainted.
minister said an old woman in the
North of Scotland. "I'm going away
fast, and I'll soon be in Judas bosomH
"Hoots, toots, Janet, said the minister,
I'VE mean Abraham's bosom.' ':Ah,
minister, if We had been rs long 4 single
woman Us I've been. ye wouldn't be
particular who's bosom it vas
Serjeant Ballantinc on one occasion
had lady client named Tickle. Mr..
Ballantine said to the Judge, Tickle,
my client, my lord''--llcre he was in
tcrruptcd by the Judge, saying, ''lfcklc
her yourself, my learned BROTHER Bal
lantine, who is y great wit, looked glum
for whole day.
Miss Miller, Of Ferris, Texas, chloro-
formed her fathers dogs and clopcd
with the young man whom her father
had forbidden the premises. The prob
abilities arc that about Il year hence she
will conclude that her life would have
been less miserable ii she had clAoro-
formed the young man and elopcd with
her fathers dogs.
''What dye leave that door wide open
for9'' exclaimed the gentleman in the
Office 10 the intruding peddler. "Oi
thought, SURF" was the quick reply,
"that ye moight want to kick me down
stairs, and Oi wanted to make it con-
snnicnt for W, SURF The gentleman
was SO taken aback that he bought two
apples for 5 cents, passing Off had
quarter in the transaction.
Arthur Crayon: Miss Rosebud, I
have brought you a little picture which
painted especially for you. 1t has
proved a very pleasant task during the
month that have worked on it. Pinky
Rosebud: Oh, thanks, Mr.. Crayon, you
are very kind, but I'm afraid that I
must return the frame, as mother never
allows me to accept presents OF any
value from gentlemen.
Bumblcton gave forth his first conun-
drum the other day. He was at con-
cert, and took one Of the best (vacant)
seats. The usher came to him and gent
~ led him to u bench in the rear. Then
he asked Jones. why am like an old
paid bill?" and Jones replied, because
you re no account" Bumbleton want
ed to say something about being re-
seated.
lin Mr.. Robert Buchanan's new play
the hero snowballs his rival to DEATH
Ii is a very cold day for {. rival when
he gets left in such cool and fatal
manner. The villain OF the play should
have his skull split open by a boy on a
clipper knocking his legs from under
him. Any other superhuous characters
in the cast might be made to skate
through an air-holc. 49, NorristoWn Her.
Old.
Toto is crying very hard. What is
the matter?' asked one of her fathers
friends. II have lost two cents that
mamma gave me- THAT is not a dit
iicult loss to repair" replied tho friend;
there are two cents An instant after
ward Toto is crying harder than ever.
What are you still crying for9' asked
the gentleman. II am CRYING" said
the artful baby, "becausc if had not
lost two cents should now have four"
Paris Paper.
How can | leave You, my darling?'
mIrmured a Toledo lover in tones of
DISTRESSING Tenderness os he observed