Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-06-21
WIT AND HUMOR,


The New York sam calls the latest
creature in society the Dudats Anserj,
cGaas.
Mamma, asked little Episcopal
liam, eff the big catechism is q cate
chism amt the smaller catechism
kittenchism?' '-Lanpton's Levity.
An old lady was asked her opinion
about Mrs. Smith, her next-door neigh
Dor. ''Well," she said, Il am not the
one to speak i'll of anybody, but [ feel
very sorry for Mr.. Smith. -
Holmes New York dinner poem was
telegraphed West, and the line.
Therefore scant the breathing courtesy"
was printed,
Therefore scent the breathing cookery"
Scotch minister: ''John, I'm afraid
you are on the broad road" Inebriated
parishioner: ''Weel, minister, as far
as I'm concerned the breadth is a re-
CURED"
The first passenger train passed over
the Pemigewasset Railroad a short
time since. If that word should ever
get upon the track there will be fear
ful smash-up.
''Here, now," said a mother to her
little boy, "take this good medicine.
It's sweet as sugar" Mamma, love
little brother" the boy replied, ''give it
to him. "-Arka2aSaaO IraUeler.
II notice that Secretary c andler
brought an American naval vessel safe
ly through a two-day's voyage. shall
take my summer vacation this year with
perfect confidence. "-ITit0n,
an Owen county (Ky.) hen sat on fif-
teen eggs and brought out nineteen
chickens, says an exchange. The hen
must be a shrewd one, or else there's
newly-hatched lie out.
A compositor who was puzzling over
one of Horace Greeley's manuscripts
sagely and sayagely remarked: IF
Belshazzar had seen this handwriting
on the wall, h would have been more
terrified than he was"
IN lecture the other evening, Bob
Burdette said: ''Speaking of the tele-
phone, one hundred years ago it would
have been thought an invention of the
deyil-and [ sometimes think it is
now"
Posters for the annual goat show
are displayed in a great many windows.
Some of the goats must be very well
trained, for most of the pictures repre-
sent them sitting on keg and drinking
cold tea from tumbler.
"What are you going to do when you
grow up if you don't know how to CT
pher?" asked teacher of q slow boy.
I'm going to be school teacher and
make the boys do the ciphering," was
the reply.
Omaha has a high-school Principal
who makes written contracts with the
boys to the effect that, after being called
up a certain number of times, they shall
be whipped; and he says the plan works
| finely.
''There isl says the Boston Herald,
q good deal of fitness in the selection
of Mr.. Evarts as the orator for New
York at the opening of the big bridge.
He can suspend sentence in the air
longer than any other man in America.
On the street: II understand that
you own a great many houses and small
farms in the suburbs" Eyes" ':Do
you live on any of them?" s'No"
/ ''Then you don't raise anything?" ''Oh,
| yes, SfCAy opA11Iee5 4o4oO ACAe1'
A German went to a friend and said:
Tomorrow owe you $4,000. I am
ruined. [ cannot pay it, and cannot
shleep a Wink" The creditor said: ''Vy
didn't you Wait to dell me tomorrow?
| Now neither can shleep Wink
s'What is lady's sphere?" asked the
lady Principal of public school on ex-
animation day. And a little red-headed
urchin in the corner squealed: ''Micem
In the dreadful confusion that followed,
the freckled-faced tiend escaped.
They were Boosting about ancestry.
MY forefathers, y said John, ''came
over from England on the Mayfower."
And my ancestry, said Pat, ''kim over
from jamestown on the Sunfower. It's
aesthetic, am, begorra" -LOsceU Citi-
zen.