Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1883-10-18
THE ART OF WAR.
Some Remarkable Military Sugges.
tions Made to JEFF Davis by
John Phoenix.

When Frank Pierce was President
Jeff Davis, then Secretary of War, is
sued a general invitation to officers Of
the army who were skillful draughts-
men to send in suggestions for the
new uniform which it had been deci-
de1 to adopt. One such invitation
was sent to each officer. Lieutenant
Derby C'John Phpnlx") was ready
with his pen-a really ingenious ar.
tist. In reply he sent to the War De-
partmert design for new uniform.
The amendment consisted merely of a
ring attached TO the seat of the trous-
ers of each private soldier. Each Of.
ficer was to carry, instead OF sword,
long pole with a hook in the end like
shepherds crook. The pole and the
ring enabled officers to keep privates
from running away in battle. Fugi,
tives could easily be caught by it and
brought back. Stragglers could be
kept in line. Moreover the ring
would be very useful in the cavalry
service to fasten soldiers to the saddle
to prevent them from falling off. In
artillery service the rings were to be
used for draught purposes in the ab-
sence of mules. These specifications
were accompanied by the most gro
tesque pictures, representing officers
hauling back cowardly recruits by the
servicieable ring, cavalry securely
fastened to the top of their steeds py
the same device, and artillerymen har.
nessd to cannon, drawing them
through narrow defles or up an &C,
clivlty inaccessible to mules, by cables
attached to the posterior staples.
On another sheet of bristol board
was an illustration IN gaudy colors of
"Derby's Rotary Mule Howitzer." ac-
companied by the following descrip-
ton: "Upon the back of young and
vigilant mule strap mountain how
itzer, the muzzle pointing toward the
tail. A similar piece of ordnance is
fastened with iron bands under the
animals abdomen, the muzzle aimed
between his forelegs to the front.
There are four gunners-two apiece
and 'persuader, as he is called, whose
business it is to persuade the mule to
stand, and not retreat, by stuffing him
with oats after each discharge with a
tin sausage suffer. When Indians, or
other legitimate game, appear in view,
the mule is, by crank movement on
the tail, limbered to the front. 1t
doesn't make any difference which
way the mule faces land here is where
my patent comes in), one gun is al
ways pointing toward the front At
the command, 'Fire' the top howitzer
is discharged. The recoil throws the
mule on his back, bringing the second
gun into position. This is discharged,
which suddenly throws the mule to
MS feet again, when the gunners swab
out the mules throat with hay and
and reload"
The accompanying illustrations Tin
Drown, red, blue and gold, are still on
lie in the War Department. represent.
ng the rotary mule in seven different
looking contented and happy
III the time.
This was felt to be outrageous au-
lacity on the part of subaltern. The
clerks in the War Department laughed
at the funny letter immoderately, but
heir superior looked serious. JEFF
ferson Davis, the head of the depart.
ment was terribly indignant, and he
resolved to defend his wounded dig
nifty. Charges and specifications were
drawn W against Lieutenant Derby,
and the officers were actually named
for his court. martial, when VIM. L.
Marcy, Secretary of State, man of
more sense and self-poise, said to the
irate Secretary, "Now, see here, Gen.
eral Davis, don't do it. This Derby
has undoubtedly superhous develop
ment of humor. But he is shrewed
and ingenious, and really q fine
lraughtsman. He has valuable quail. |
ties. You can organize court that
will convict him, but you will be butt
If ridicule on account of it, all your
ife. Better file the suggestion of the
nook and ring and the lively rotary
mule, and say nothing" And he
lid.