Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-09-16
A WARRIOR BOLD.
(enernl kherman's Dilemma in Fer
forming His Great kissing Act.

{ eneFal khefmAn'8 Dilemma In feR
forming His Great kissing Act.
San Francisco Post.
The return of Miss Alice Harrison to
the city recalls an incident ofher career
when q member of the famous Califor-
mia company of four or five years ago,
which may still provoke q smile from
those who witnessed the occurrence in
| question. About the time of Miss Har-
| rison's farewell benefit at that theatre
General Sherman was visiting the city
and with his staff occupied q box at
| said performance. Now, whateye:r DIFF
| ference Of opinion may exist as toahe
military renown of the General Of Our
armies, there is no dispute as to his be-
ing the champion kisser of the conti-
nent. In fact, the hero Of Atlanta may
be said to possess a mania for la6ial SAL
utations Of q fatherly sort, and Is known
to frequently indulge in the proud boast
that he has kissed ninety per cent. ofall
the pretty girls in the United States.
His chief of staff once computed the
Generals monthly kissing average,
large all the year round, dry and wet
seasons included, at about 1906, or say,
in round numbers, about $1,000 kisses
per each kissing fiscal year. If tine
General had only added babies to the
list Of his subjects he would have kissed
his way into the White House years
ago, but his reluctance to waste valus-
BILE time on raw material in the pur-
suit Of bis hobby induces him, with the
true instinct Of a veteran professor OF
OSCILLATION, to select only the prettiest Of
the fair sex for that honor.
At the benefit referred to, 10 sooner
did Miss Harrison appear on the stage
than the old war-horse snuffed the bat.
tie from afar and began to grow restless
and uneasy. The staff winked at each
other and soon the chief suggested the
propriety of going behind the scenes to
compliment the beneficiary.
W. must now ask u readers to ae.
company us to the little Danish settle
ment Of E~ericyland, OIL the borders Of
the Baltic, in the year 1881. A village
festival is being held and, as usual, the
distinguished visitors gathered to salute
the girl who has takenthe annual prize
fer cooking and virtue. There is a
young American officer amid the num-
Der who, instead OF printing the custc-
mary chaste salute upon the cheek OF
the village celebrity, a6ds her in his
sky-blue arms and settles down on her
frOntispiece like q hydraulic pump oa
an assessment list. The minutes fly b.
and Just as the spectators are about
drawing their stop watches on the las5
quarter the young officer comes to the
surface again. AS he ecovers his tx
hausted wind the weather-beaten cap
tsin Of a wrecking crew approaches anG
says
"Young man, III give YOU your W
price to ship with me as q diver"
"And whyH
"Because you cal; hold your breath
longer than any man in the business"
We merely relate this little incident
TO emphasize our story. The kisser was
young Tecumseh. But to resume. AS
sOon as the staff were behind the scenes,
General Sherman pitched in with the
remark that he hadn't kissed anything
since breakfast. He was standing in
the middle Of the stage, with his back
to the curtain, and absorbed in bestOw-
ing a paterual kiss upon Alice and feel
ing like a just admitted angel sliding
down q buttered rainbow, when that
impish young lady saw that the promp-
ter was about to ring up the drop"
Quickly placing her hands over the
Generals ears So he could not hear the
bell, she backed him against the cur
tain. AS everybody knows this is
wound around a huge wooden roller on
the inside CT the canvas. The Generals
coat-tails were caught by this asthe
curtain went up, and before the promp.
ter could reverse the motion the aston
ished man was suspended about ten
feet from the stage like a sheet from q
clothes line.
The audience went off into Mysteries
Of merriment, while the members ofthe
staff lay down on the floor and absolute
" howled, for theyonly knew that those
conclusive clutched lsgs and venerable
CATERS belonged to the cOmmander-in-
chief of all our armies. But the first
thing We know the Generals coat-tails
will give way, so We will ring down the
curtain.