Sacramento daily record-union., 1883-09-08


Currency on Demand"
% Catch On, Driver, now, said she,
" It's Coin Or Death. Too bad
Wei wait a moment till run
Upstairs and Call On Dad"
Buffalo Express Gazette.
Diamonds are still worn as much ae ever
on state occasions-by pawnbrokers' wives.
Sir Walter Raleigh made his way to
fortune and fame by politeness. He was
not one ef the Elizabethan ruffs Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
This ie the season for shopping. Thirty
cents for luncheon is enough capital to
work on, as lady can have Just az too
dreadfully awfully good time pulling over
the entire stock of a dozen or so stores
without money as with it.
Mrs a. T. Stewart has devoted 81 600,
900 Of her private fortune to establishing
a nos-sectarian college, in which tuition
shall be free. 1t is said that this will be
the largest and finest collegiate edifce in
America, If not in the world.
"Why did you take your boy away
from my school?" asked a teacher of an old
negro. Wall 1 tell yer. I heard de
white folks say dat de Niger was in need
OBJ higher eddycation, an l sent my boy
up on de hill. ~ [Arkansaw Traveller.
The experience of Naomi, the daughter
of EnOch, should not be forgotten by
American girls. She declared that she
would not marry any one who was not
"just perfect, and she did not get hus-
band until she was $50 years old.
The rage for painting plaques and flower
pisces among the ladies is still at its hight.
If you cannot learn to paint decently go TO
more accommodating teacher, who will
do your painting for you. Then all you
will have to do is TO sign your name.
Why Our Fish Disappear, " is the title
of an article in the american Aagler. It
is because small boys with bent pin hooks
and pockets full of worms are allowed to
fish IN the streams after the city sports
have gone home disgusted. Il Philadelphia
News.
"Never would call q boy of mine
Alias said Mrs. Jones, of Huntsville,
Ala, "if l had hundred to name. Men
by that name is allus cuttin' up capers.
Here's Alias Thompson, Alias Williams,
Alias the Nighthawk-all been took up for
stealin
a Berlin ditpatch says mo minis
tween the Emperor Of Germany and the
Emperor of Austria at Ischl, August 7th.
That's It, the world over. Don't mix
your religion with your business. / Boston
Transcript.
Governor John Ireland, Of Texas, has
stopped hil subscription to the American,
OF Philadelphia, because that journal
printed something about Texas that raised
the frat syIlable of the Governors last
name. We shall have to send missionaries
to Ireland.-I Norristown Herald.
Reverend Aminidab Bledsoe, of tie Aus
tin Blue Light Tabernacle, met Sam Web.
ster recently and asked how he was off for
6rewood. - reckon" said Sam, " Use
got about five cords" OATS gwine to
last yer plum fTu de winter, said Bledsoe,
who wanted to borrow some fuel. "No it
won't, parson, for de white gemman in
whose yard dat wood is burns it up Jess as
if hit didn't cost him a cent. ~ Arkansas
Traveller.
The following dialogue took place in a
certain well. known theological college {:
Professor (loquitor)-" You are the great
est Ounce l ever met with. Now don't
believe that you could repeat to me two
texts Of Scripture correctly. Student lin
reply" Yes, can" Professor Well,
do it" Student (feelingly and with much
thoughtful consideration -" He departed
and went and hanged himself" Pause.
"Go thou and do likewise"
"What DO they have that fish up there
for asked the visitor at the State-house,
looking at the ancient cod which hangs
from the ceiling of the House chamber.
" It's an old superstition, replied the Bos.
ton man, that fish has a sort of repressive
influence over the legislators. "And
yet, suggested the visitor, "if I am not
mistaken, all of your laws are cod.defed.
The Boston man fell into a swoon, and
when he came to he promised never to
try to gull countrymsn again. Boston
Transcript.
The other DAY a Michigan. avenue grocer
had about $50 cocoanuts piled up in front
Of his doors. To day he hasn't single
enc. The other day he thought he was
stuck for about S25. To-day he realizes
that he has made moro clear profit on
eocosnuts than any other retailer in De-
troit. The grocer was reading in his paper
about some one down East who smugeled
whisky by filing cocoanuts with it, and he
finished the article, drew down his left
eye, and called out TO his clerk "Thomas
I Jefferson Bangs, go out and buy me a gal
lon Of mean whisky" He selected six or
eight cocoanutT, poured out the milk, re.
filed them with whisky, and before night
they were sold or given away. At ! o'clock
next morning 81 employe of livery stable
called in and asked Have YOU any
oecoanuts 2 Yes, a few." 81 want to
buy ten to send to my brother in the coun.
try" He had scarcely gone when woman
came in and said she was hungry for cocoa.
aut pie, and she took six of the nuts along.
Then a boy came and bought four. and
bsiore o'clock that afternoon the entire
lo had disappeared. The only pur.
chser who returned was q colored hotel
waiter, who hung around for spell, and
then said "Dey wasn't muffin but milk
indie cokernut bought" Nothing but
milk 3" roared the grocer. Do you i'm.
agne that nature is going to grow a big nut
like that for five cents. and fill it with
kerosene oil TO boot - Detroit Free
Pnss.
AS TALL AS PAPA.