The Osceola times., 1883-07-14
GARNERED SMILES.
The prince of wails-a baby.


Adam and Eve establishc J The first Ap-
pelate Court. -.
The only kind of cake children don't
cry fora cake Of soap.
A western invitation: Come out and
"blow" up with the country.
There is one consoling thought in a
late spring. 1t puts off the apple collie
season as long as possible.
II was a cold day for the nobby young
man when the pretty girl who wanted 70
be complimentary and say he looked
swell, let her grammar get away with
her TO the extent that she should
say he looked swollen!
An old farmer in Texas having said at
chuIch meeting, 81 have belonged to
the church thirty years, and bless the
Lord, it has never cost me a dollar,
the good preacher arose and responded: (:
"The Lord bless you-stingy old soul.'
Louisa had the toothache and cried.
Her mother tried to pacify her. I'm
ashamed of you. wouldn't be such a
baby before everybody" Oh, yes, man.
ma, it's all very well for you; when your
teeth ache you can take them out"
When a young man says his girl is
"worth her weight in gold" he is not
putting a very high valuation upon her
unless she is very heavy girl. At this
rating. one hundred ard twenty pounds
of girl would Ne worth only about $780,
600.
1t was at the close of the wedding
breakfast. One Of the guests arose, and
glass in hand, said 81 drink to the
health of the bridegroom. May he see
many days like this" The intention was
good, but the bride looked up as if some
thing had displeascd her.
Lady friend: $50 you are going to
graduate next month, Celia? Dear me |!
what a time of it you must have sup
pose you are nearly tagged out" Celia :
"Oh, dear, no mamma hires a dress
maker and she does all the sewing. All
have to do is to try on you know"
A fat little man who looked as if he
might bs German, rushed into the
Metropolitan last night, and pointing to
the timepiece in the office, said "Ish
dot clock right up dare ?" "Yes," said
Mr.. Adams, sit is right up there and has
been right up there for some time.'
A little boy went into the country on
visit. About the first thing he had ,,.ls
a bowl of bread and milk. He tasted il
then hesitated moment, when his
mother asked him if he did not like it
TO which he replied: "Yes, ma; was
only wishing our milkman kept cow
"You say your wife gets mad and raise,
a row." 81 should say she did. She
makes enough fuss to run a freight trair
forty miles an hour" But il you knew
she was in the habit of getting mad, why
did you marry her ?" Because if held
back the would have got madder thar
ever"
A nervous old gentleman driven hal
distracted by the cries of fish vendel
who was yelling "Porgiesl porgiesw be
meath his window, thrust out his heaC
and shouted: '1f you'll stop your in
fernal noise I'll give you job worth
money" what is ?" asked the porg,
fend. "Why to come and teach oul
church choir how to sing"
At a recent Sunday school picnic {
thunder storm came up, and Lightning
struck very near. The good pastor called
out assuringly: "Don't be frightened
God will be with us in the storm as wei
as the calm" 81 know that" remarked
a young lady with chattering teeth ant
trembling voice, "but | don't like to have
Him come so sudden"
Fond father: MAY we hope for tn,
pleasure of your company at our soire,
tomorrow, doctor? We shall have lit
rle instrumental and vocal music. Ny
daughter Alice will sing aud afterwarc
Beatrice will recite her new poem. A
nine o'clock we shall sup" Doctor
MANY thanks-you are very kind.
will be with you at nine sharp"