Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-01-13
COATING THE OLD MAN.


took out long stick of cinnamon
bark to chew.
why, yes, of course L am. but
what set you to thinking of thatT'
asked the grocery man, as he went to
the desk and charged the boys father
with half pound of cinnamon.
We'll, do goats bunt when you
nishiate fresh candidates"
mo, of course not The goats are
cheap ones, that have no life, and we
muzzle them, and put pillows over
their heads, SO they can't hurt any
body" says the grocery man, as he
winked at brother Odd Fellow who
was seated on n sugar barrel, look
ing mysterious. "But why did you
ask?
80, nuthin, only L wish me and my
chum had muzzled our goat with a
pillow; pa would have enjoyed his be-
coming a member of our lodge bet
ter. You see, pa had been telling us
ow much good the Masons and Odd
Fellows did, and said we ought to
try and grow up good so we could
jine the lodges wen we got big. and 1
asked pa if it would do any hurt for
us to have play lodge in my room,
and purtend to nishiato, and pa said
it wouldn't do any hurt. He said it
would improve our minds, and learn
us to be men. SO my chum and me
borried goat that lives in livery
stable and carried him up to my room
when pa and ma was out riding, but
the goat blatted so we had to tie
handkerchief around his nose, and
his feet made such noise on the
floor that we put some baby's socks
on his feet. Well, sir, me and my
chum practiced with that goat until
he could bunt picture of goat ev-
cry time. We borried buck beer
sign from saloon man, and hung it
on the back of a chair, and the goat
would hit it every time. That night
pa wanted to know what we were do
ing up in my room, and l told him
we were playing lodge, and improv-
ing our minds, and pa said that was
right, there was nothing that did
boys of our age half so much good as
to initiate men, and store by useful
knowledge. Then my chum asked pa
if he didn't want to come up and take
the grand bumper degree, and pa
laffed and said he didn't care if he
did, just to encourage us boys in in
nocent pastime, that was so improv-
ing to our intellex We had shut
the goat up in closet in my room,
and he had got over blatting, so we
took of the handkerchief, and lI1 was
eating some of my paper collars and
skate straps.
"We went up stairs and told pa to
come up pretty soon and give three
distinct raps, and when we asked him
who comes there he must say "a pill
garlic who wants to join your ancient
order and ride the goat Ma wanted
to come up, too, but we told her that
if she come in it would break up the
lodge, cause woman couldn't keep
a secret, and we didn't have any side
saddle for the goat. Say, if you never
tried it, the next time you nishiate a
man in your Mason's lodge, you
sprinkle little kyan pepper on the
goats beard just afore you turn him
loose; you can get three times as much
to the square inch of goat. You
wouldn't think it was the same goat.
Well we got all fixed and pa raped,
and we let him in and told him he
must be blind folded, and he got on
his knees laffing, and / tied towel
around his eyes, and then l turned
him around and made him get down
on his hands also. and then his back
was right towards the closet door,
and put the buck beer sign right
against pas clothes. He was laffing
all the time, and said we boys were
as full Of fun as they made 'em, and
we told him it was solemn occasion
and We wouldn't permit no levity and
if he didn't stop lafling we couldn't
give him the grand bumper degree.
Then everything was ready and my
chum had his hand on the closet door
and some kyan pepper in the other
hand, and l asked pa in low bass
tones if he fclt as though he wanted
to turn back, or if he had nerve
enough 10 go ahead and take the de-
gree. / warned him that it was full
Of dangers, as the goat was loaded
for beer, and I told him he yet had
time to retrace his steps if he wanted
to. He said that he wanted the
whole bizness, and we could go on
with the menagerie. Then l said to
pa if he had decided to go ahead and
would not blame us for the conse-
quences, to repeat after me the fol-
lowing words: "Bring forth now the
Royal Bumper and let him bumpp'
Pa repeated the words and my chum
sprinkled the pepper on the goats
moustache, and he sneezed once
and looked sassy, and then he see the
lager beer goat raring up, and he
started after it just like cow-catch
or, and blatted. Pa is real fat, but
he knew he had got hit, and he
grunted and said, 'Hell's fire! wat
you boys doin'? and then the goat
gave him another degree and pa
pulled off the towel and got up and
started for the stairs, and SO did the
goat, and ma was at the bottom OF
the stairs listening. and when l look
cd over the banisters pa and ma and
the goat was all in a heap, and pa
was yelling murder and ma was
screaming fire and the goat blatting
and sneezing and bunting, and the
hired girl came into the hall and the
goat took after her, and she crossed
herself just as the goat hit her and
said sHOwlv mother pr0tact mel'