Frostburg mining journal., 1883-06-02
Family FOoiery.

Elder Toots to put down the alley
window. "Nicodemus Pembroke Scott
local member of dis lodge, has cross
ed into Canady an will not reappelr
among US. Fur de las three months
l have bin expectin' sum sch climax
and dis mawnin, when a messenger in
formed me dat he had disappeared ar
ter failin' to shoot hisself wild an old
hoss ristil, l war not a bit surprised.
He leaves wife an two chil'en an
about fifty creditors.
"What cent him eff? De same rea
son dat am daily workin' to bring
about anodder panic-de same reason
dat explain de hundreds of business
iailures-de sane reason dat am Grip
plin' de efforts Of thousands of hard
workin men to secure homes OF dar
own-fam'ly extravaganza; foolery
am better name fur it. Up to y ar
ago Brudder Scott was jobbin' aroun'
an maxim a dollar day. Den he
got a situashun by which he airne'l
fo'teen dollars a week. He was po'
off in de house an had debts hangin'
ober him, but heah was de chance TO
get eben. How was it improved ?
In less den one month his wife was
rigged out wild $50 dress, y shiliiu'
kids, SIS hat an an opera fan. He
had DO peace oh min | onless he obey
ed her. In six weeks she becum too
high-toned to wash an iron fur odder
tolkses. In two months she wanted a
better house, wild red parlor carpet
and cane seat cha rs all roun de room.
In three months she had 10 hab a
black elk dress, gold bracelets, tony
bonnet, kid shoes, an gold film in
her teef.
dat foolin' has reaped its harvest.
De huaban' foun' dat he was runnin
benin, his home was bcin' neglected,
his wife was bein' gossired about, an
in despair he hab picked up his feet
an slid out. 1t was the material re-.
suit. tell you, my freus. de tom.
foclery OBJ de wimmen OBJ dis kentry
am strainin' on de chalk line ontll de
cord cant stan much mo, an it am
high time dat sumbody sots his foot
down. De man who Arms $25 per
week hts sumhow got de ideah into
his head dat de world expects him to
dress his wife as if he ARMED bank
er's profits. Wives of men who cant
keep up wild dar honse rent am can
term up an down wild sealskin saques
an Sc shoes. Wives OBJ men who hab
to dodge de butcher an grocer an
tailor am now selectin' spring carpets
an orderin $50 lambrekins. Wives
OBJ men who couldn't raise $50 at do
bank to save dar necks am rushin to
balls an parties an havin' dar expeA-
sive dresses described fur de benefit
OBJ de public.
"De so-called society OBJ de aige am
composed OBJ false hair, false preten.
ces, debt-dodein an base decepshun.
Our rich people am distinguished by
dar plain dress an quiet manners. De
snides an dudes an dodos do all de
swasgerin, rush on all de colors, an
monopolize de biggest sheer OBJ de
street. You wait De man who libs
fur anodder ten y ars will h'sr suthin
drap, an arter de drap takes place de
thousands OBJ idiots who new feel
ashamed to admit dat dey doan keep
but only two servant gals in de house
will go back to deir cook stoves al
wash tubs an take dar proper places
in de perceahun. Detroit Free Press.
WHAT is prom ised to the relig
ious ?" asked mild and amiable Suu-
day school teacher of a small child at
tie far end of her class.
eternal bliss. quickly responded
the pupil,
Quite right my dear child" said
the mild and amiable. "And now tell
me what is promised to the wicked"
Eternal blister, ma'am," was the
prompt reply.
The teacher pronounced the answer
theologically correct, but peculiarly
expressed.
THE shoe manufacturers and shoe
operatives of Cincinnati have termi.
mated the lockout which has kept
$500 men idle for a fortnight. All
hands resumed work Monday, leav-
ing the settlement of the difficulty 10
arbitration.
ELDERLY philanthropist to small
how ,pbo 10 etriv;po va;nlv to null n