The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-03-23
WHY WE LAUGH.

It hurts my eyes to read Resrdell's testi-
mony.-Dorsey.
How 70 beat your grocer on eggs-suc-
cumb. Darlington r. Press.
Ruff on royalty--the historical collar of
good Queen Bess.-N. Y. Necs.
Snoozles the musician, Is very much afraid
/ that he will die, because, as he says, eater
Do-Re comes Mi.n
| II Il hardly probable that there are any
| telephones In heaven, and yet every angel
| Will be recognizable by his halo.-Pittsburg
| telegraph.
"Oats wanted, inquire Within" was in
scribed on placard hung to tho ribs Of .
scrawnsy nag, that some wag had thrown
.drift on the streets Of Rochester the other
day.
New York pays $1,000, 900 yea. for its
religion and $22, 2,000, 900 for its drinks, which
goes to show that New York Ia having more
fun In this world than 1t will in the next
Rochester Post Er.
Standing before Q clergyman who was
about to marry him, . rustic was asked:
"Wilt thou have this woman" etc. The man
started In surprise and replied: "Ay, surely?
Whoy, kummed puppus"
In one month the swner Of three minute
horse lied ninety-four times regarding his
speed. At this rate bow many times wsuld
he lie In year and wsuld 1t help the speed
Of the horse anys-Frec Press.
Ssme Of our exchanges are discussing an
alleged "snow asa." They can't imagine
how the snow flea is made; but . warm rain
will make the snow fee about as quick Is
anything -Norrist0,cn Herald.
The remains of man have been dug out
OF the ruins Of Pompeii, with beth hands
resting on his stomach. The building in
. cheap rsstaurant.-Boston Post.
A skating rink accident Is thus described
BY Kentucky reporter: "She struck out
couldn't turn-startsd for the ceiling-shout-
cd don't you leok!-turned handspring and
then sat down. The stripes were brown and
red.
The Elmira Gazette Is bursting its buttons
over joke on Its esteemed contemporaries
In the State, which copied with appropriate
comment its account Of the death Of T. 81.
O'Mascat, found cut in two on the Erie track
the other day.
The first instance where physicians are
mentioned In the Bible Is III Chronicle xvi,
IL: "And Asa, in the thirty-ninth year Of
his reign, was diseased in his feet until the
disease was exceedingly great; yet, in his
disease, he sought not the Lord, but the ply
sicians. And Asa slept with his fathers"
A book agent tried to sell . Cincinnati |
Irishman copy Of "Hiawatha." Pat looked |
at the title and then at the canvasser. |
"Higher wather, is it?" says he: "be jabers, |
the wather In these diggin's Is quote high |
enough, me by, for any dacent mon. So be
of Wild yez!"
The first thing city man does when he |
becomes rich, Is to buy . farm, move into |
the country and bankrupt himself trying to |
raise enough to keep him from starving. A |
rich countryman, on the other hand, buys Q /
brownstone front In the city and becomes |
interested In stocks with like result
Phiid. Ne,cs.
"Have you had job to-day, Tim?" inquir- |
ed . well xnown legal gentleman Of the |
equally we'll known, jolly-faced old dray- |
man, who, rain or shine, summer or winter, |
is rarely absent fIom his post In front Of the |
Michigan Exchange. "Bedad, / did, sor."
Show many?" 1.-TWO, sor." "How much
did you get for bsth?" 'Sivinty cints, sor.n
"Seventy cents! How In the world do you
expect to live and keep horse on seventy
Gents dayT "ccm0 DAYS / have half
dozen jobs, sor. But business has been dull
to-day, sor. Only the hauling of thrunk
for gintleman for forty cints, an load av
furniture for thirty cints; an, there was the
pots an the kitties, an the divil only knows
phat; big load, cor" ado you carry big
loads of household goods for thirty cents."
"She wor poor wildly, sor, an had no more
money to give me, sor. took all she had,
sor, an bedad, sor, lyyer could have done
no better nor that sor." And old Tim had
won the first fall.