Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1883-06-26

VI my ouSSl, anu tSiiihb INC W Huiiy uP'
| wouldn't do it, cause the livery man
told me to walk the horse. Then the
minister he got nervous and said he didn't
know as there was any use of going so
slow, because he wanted to get back in
time to get his lunch and 90 to a minis
ter's meeting in the afternoon, but i told
him we would all get to the cemetery
soon enough if we took it cool, and as for
me | wasn't in no sweat. Then one of
the drivers that was driving the mourn
ers, he came up and said he had got to
get back in time to run a wedding down
to the one o'clock train, and for me to
pull out little. have seen enough of
aisobeying orders, and | told him fun
eral in the hand was worth two wed.
dings in the bushel, and as far as was
concerned, this funerel was going to be
conducted in a decorous manner, if we
didn't get back until the next day. Well,
the minister said, in his regular Sunday
school way, my little man let me take
hold of the lines, and like darn fool |
gave them to him. He slapped the old
horse on the crupper with the lines, and
then jerked up, and the old horse stuck
up his off ear, and then the hearse driver
told the minister to pull hard and saw on
little, and the old horse would wake
up. The hearse driver used TO drive the
old PAGER on the track, and he knew what
he wanted. The minister took off his
black kid gloves and put his umbrella
down between US, and pulled his hat
down tight on his head, and began to
pull and saw on the bit. Tie old Grip
pie began to move along sort of sideways,
like hog going war, and the minister
pulled some more, and the hearse driver
who was right behind, he said, so you
could hear him clear to Waukesha,
'Ye-e-up,' and the old horse kept going
faster, then the minister thought the pro-
cession was getting too quick, and he
pulled harder, and yelled whoa and
that made the old horse worse, and |
looked through the little window in the
buggy top, behind, and the hearse was
about two blocks behind, and the driver
was laughing, and the minister he got
pale and said, my little man | guess you
better drive and said Not much Mary
Ann, you wouldn't let me run this funer-
al the way wanted to, and now You
can boss it, if you will let me get OUT
but there was q street car ahead and all
of a sudden there was an earthquake,
and when | come to there were about
six hundred people pouring water down
my neck and the hearse was hitched to
the fence, and the hearse driver was ask
ing if my leg was broke, and police
man was tanning the minister with a
plug hat that looked as though it had
been struck by a pile driver, and some
people were hauling our buggy into the
gutter, and some men were trying to take
the old PAGER out of the windows of the
street car, and then | guess | tainted
aw wayagin. o, it was worse than tele-
,coping train loaded with cattle"
"Well, swan said the grocery man
as he put some eggs in funnel shaped
brown paper for servant girl. "What
did the minister say when he come to :"
"Say! What could he say: He just
yelled whoa and kept saving with his
hands, as though he was driving.
heard that the policeman was going to
pull him for fast driving, till he found it
was an accident. They told me when
they carried me home in hack that it
was a wonder everybody was not killed,
and when l got home pa was going to
sass me, until the hearse driver told him
it was the minister that was to blame.
| want to find out if they got the minis
ter's umbrella back. The last | see of
it the umbrella was running up his trous-
er's leg, and the point came out of the
small of his back. But | am all right,
only my shoulder sprained and my legs
bruised, and my eye black. will be all
right, and shall go to work tomorrow,
cause the livery man says | was the
only one in the crowd that had any sense.
| understand the minister is going TO
take vacation on account of his liver
and nervous prostration. would if
was him. never saw man that had
nervous prostration any more than he
did when they fished him out of the
barbed wire fence, after we struck the
street car. But that settles the minister
business with me. don't drive for no
more preachers. What want is quiet
party that wants to 90 on walk" and
the boy got up and hoped on one foot
towards his crutches, filling his pistol
pocket with figs as he hobbled along.
'well, sir" said the grocery man, as
he took chew of tobacco out of pail,
and offered some to the boy knowing that
was the only thing the boy would not
take. "Do you know | think some of
these ministers have about as little sense
on worldly matters as anybody: Now
the idea of that man jerking on an old
PAGER. 1t don't make any difference if
the PAGER was a hundred years old, he
would pace if he was ierked on"
"You bet, said the boy, as ne put
his crrthes under his arms, and started
for the door. "a minister may be found
on the atonement, but he don't want to
saw on an old PAGER. He may have the
subject of infant baptism down finer than
a cambria needle, but if he has ever been
to college, he ought to have learned
enough not to say 'ye-up' to an old PAGER
that has ben the boss of the road in his
time. A minister may be endowed with
sublime power to draw sinners to repent
a.ao a.L - l-a llax,a fool Iilrn rratfinn M,