The Osceola times., 1883-05-12
SPRING THOUGHTS.


The way to treat a man Of doubtful
credit is TO take no notice of him.
The greatest talker in existence could
not talk long enough to tire a wagon
wheel.
Blodson says that there is only one
thing to him whose end is involved in
mystery, and that is the coil Of wom-
ans back hair.
A story writer has finished a sketch
called Lifted out Of Herself" Probably
the heroine went Yachting and got sea-
sick.
"Yes." said the landlord, pointing to
his block Of new houses, they're all full
'cept the last one at the end; that's last
but not leased"
Nothing so strongly tests mans yer.
acity as 10 be summoned TO the door and
to be confronted with the question ::
"Are you the head of the hOuse?"
A young man got married against the
wishes of his parents, and in telling a
friend how to break the news to them,
said: "Tell them first that l am dead,
and gently work up to the climax"
EYES," said the gentleman from Maine,
who had visited Washington, ~ think
I must have acted like the very devil
while l was there, for was twice mis-
taken for Congressman"
"There is ten. .year-old boy in Cleve-
land, Georgia, who has not a tooth in
his head" says an exchange. There's
a man in Yorkville, eighty-seven years
old, who is in the same fix
Ex-senator David Davis is to be pre-
sented by admiring friends in Texas,
with chair made ofhorns. As the ex-
Senator has entered the bonds of matri-
mony, he would doubtless have prefer
red night key.
Heard at the Academy of design
Brown to an artist "Don't think you
are doing as well as you were last year
old man." Rooinson-"But | was not
painting at all last year." Brown-"Ex-
actly 50! that is just it."
A little boy was munching a piece ol
gingerbread. His mother said: "Who
gave you that, Tommy" miss John
son." he replied. "And did you thank
her for it?" said his mother. "Yes
mamma, but l did not tell her So" he
replied.
A lecturer, discoursing on the subject Of
Health" inquired: "What use can q
man make Of his time while waiting fol
doctor?" Before he could begin his
answer to his own inquiry, some one in
the audience cried out 'He can make
his WILL"
A Western colporteur was once con
versing with an Illinois man on his re
ligious duties. Said he: "Do you attent
church regularly ." "Oh, no, ! never G,
to church, but alters make it pint Il
tend funerals. They be jest as solemn
and thar hisn't no Reflections"
"Hey, Johnnie! I want to 90 fshin.
tomorrow. Do you think you can gel
me some worms? - Can't 'smornin-toc
busy but mcbbe you can get 'em off my
little brother Bill-hc's got em." "How
do you knoww "Oh, | head the doctor
tell nanny so this mornin'."
Little Freddie, who was writing a com
position about hens, said he knew
"where hens came from. but didn't know
where they got eggs. People say thai
hens lay eggs, but | know better. Ny
father keeps lots Of hens, and if we want
any eggs he always sends me TO the
store for them"
Most people have the same three reas-
= ons for not attending church which an
Englishman had for not freguenting O
theatre. First" he said, 81 hate the
trouble of going there second, hate
the trouble of staying there; and third, ]
hate the trouble Of coming home again
A Troy man had his ear ripped off by
{ buzz saw. An excited young doctor
who had been starving for seven month.
for his first case, stuck ii on backwards
sewed it fast and it grew. And now
that man looks like crack trotter wait
ing to get the word, and he can heal
half round the square in both directions
A woman entered saloon in Jerse,
City, kicked over table, smashed doz
en- glasses, shook her fist under the bar
keepers nose and called him q fend
and led her husband out by the ear
The barkeeper from over the Rhin,
closed one eye significantly, and remark
ed to a terrified customer, "by chinks
may be she was mad aboud somedings-
eh ?"
Charles" said she, as she leaned he
classical head upon his broad, stalwar
shoulder, ~ have but one request to max,
before our wedding" Speak out dear
est" he answered, huskily. "What il
it?" 81 want lock of your hair
''Take it, darling he cried, snatching of
brown, vinegar-colored wig, and fore
. ing it into her hands. "Take it. N,
one shall ever say refused any request
from my future wife INVOLVING an out
lay of only fifteen dollars"
Sandy was country gardener, and
like many other country lads, he had
sweetheart. One night Sandy told he
that he '1ikit" her "awfu' weel." Sh
simply responded. "Ditto." Sandy wa
not very sure what that meant, but h
thought he would ask his father, so TIN
next day while at work he said: "Fath
er, can you tell me what ditto is?" "Ou
ay, Sandy" replied his father. "Dae y
see that cabbagep "Yes." "And da
ye see that ither ane, that it's jist tn
same? Weel, that's ditto" "Graciou
guidness !" exclaimed Sandy. "Did sh
| ca mo n cabhape 7n