The bee., 1883-01-06
PUNGENf PARAGRAPHS.

The latest thing in cradles-The new
baby.
Years are like tigers. They always
come with a spring.
Definition of soldier of fortune-A
soldier who has none.
When man wants to step on tn,
scales he gets aweigh.
We admire spirited animals, but de
liver us from wildly enthusiastic
mule.
The rising young man of the futur,
is one who will be willing to jump w
and build the morning fires.
There are good many desolate anc
uncomfortable things in this world, but
plug hat in a snow storm strikes us
as about the climax.
The operators in mythical mines are
always willing to let you in but there
is quite difference between letting
you in and letting you win.
What is the difference between a
glass half full of water and broken
engagement ?'-One is not filled full,
and the other is not fulfilled
With exceptional truthfulness a
quack doctor begins his advertisement:
81 offer my valuable services to all who
are so unfortunate as to require them" !"
Life must be a perfect desert to the
women of Salt Lake. What can they
talk about? There's absolutely nothing
a man of that city can do that is scan
dalous.
Said a farmer, who was given to long
drinks, to brother agriculturist {:
"What breed of cattle would you advise
me to adopt?' "Short horns was the
significant reply.
Four daughters of Kentucky farm
er eloped in one night, each couple
taking a different road, and it drove
the old man about crazy to decide
which party to pursue.
Dong Tong is the name of very
successful Chinese artist at Chicago.
He has painted the picture of a man
and IA dog, and you can tell which is
the man and whicl, is the dog almost at
glance.
Julia, my little cherub, when does
your sister Emma return" II don't
know" Didn't she say anything be-
fore she went away?' "She said, if
you came to see her, she'd be gone tiD
doomsday.'
One gaeat unpleasantness attending
mans getting married is his utter
insigniticance on the occasion. The
bride is the object of attention as the
star performer of the show, and he is
regarded merely as necessary pro-
perty.
An exchange asks in bold head lines:
"Why do woman work?" Well, some
women work because they enjoy it, and
others because their husbands are busy
in politics and the woman of the house
is obliged to hustle around and earn
their daily bread.
One day toward nightfall, and in IN.
certain light, man bought an over
coat of pretented plum color. The
next morning it proved to be of a quite
too mmistakeable green. Returning
it to the shopkecper, that worthy
regarded the buyer calmly and said
you must have little patience with
it, my dear sir: it isn't ripe yet"
They had only been married short
time. The other day she slung her
VI,
tremulous voice Do YOU realize
Adolphus, that now we are married,
we are only one?' NO replied the
brute. Il can't realize it. have Just
paid a SIS millinery bill, and a lot more
of your pills, with several outside pre-
cincts to hear from, so am beginning
to realize that, as far as expense goes,
instead of being one, we are about half
dozen. / can't take in that idea of
our being one just yet, not by large
majority.
Il tell you what it is, fellahs,'
yawned Adolphus. "Tm making an
awful commotion among the girls
Only wanted little fun, yer know, but
deuced if they arn't all falling in love
with me- Pom honor, / believe I'm
getting into hot water, yer know" "Do
you?" said one of the girls who
chanced to overhear; "well, perhaps it
will have the same effect upon you as it
does upon the lobster" Il say, Mar
tha,'' exclaimed Adolphus, turning
about, you're deucedly sharp, yer
know. but blamed if / know what
you're driving at now. ""Oh, nothing"
replied Martha; "only Holsters, you
know, are green till they get into hot
water"