Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-09-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

great adVantage-he never gets beyond
his station.
Love thy neighbor as thyself," sang
the wife to her husband dear. Il will!
she's bewtching elf was his answer
cool
An enterpri5ing reporter, writing OF q
wreck at sea, stated that no less than
fourteen of the unfortunate crew and
passengers bit the dust.
The water-cartman sits high aloft
on his jostling perch, glancing now and
anon at the sky for signs OF rain that
viii give him day off.
When the dog gets after the boy in
melon-patch and there are no trees
handy he sings: ''Oh, for the garden
wall I"
Two young ladies who had quarrel
concluded to kiss and make up. The
kissing process was Of short duration,
but it required nearly two hours for
them to ''malle up.
Soyer, the great French cook, used to
chew garlic and breathe on 4 salad to
give it flavor. In America the bOarderS
chew the salad awhile and then go to
headquarters and blow on the cook.
The City Marshal of Dodge City, Kan
sas, will be 4 candidate for reelection;
and bases his claim upon the fact that
he has killed q cowboy at a distance OF
800 yards.
A Georgia Justice of the Peace told a
granger that the code allowed him 81
for marrying couple. ''Well, said
the newly made bridegroom, there is
81; that will make you three.
A young correspondent complains
that .'there are too many lawyers in the
country" Oh, no. my boy, there aren't
half too many lawyers. There aren't
half enough clients, that s all.
Glove contests are not unknown to
the fair sex Did YOU ever see q young
lady putting on tight pair of kids
while the last bell is tolling for church,
Sunday morning? Sentinel.
''WeH, may | hope, then, dearest,
that at some time | may have the hap
piness of making you my wife?" Yes,
/ hope So | am sure" she replied, II
am getting tired of suing fellows for
breach of promise.
The quantity of beer produced in the
United States last year averaged more
than fourteen gallons for every inhabi-
tant of the country. Somebody has
played a wretched mean trick on Us
then Burlington Free Press.
The cry about cigarettes being I'M
healthy is all fOolishness. There is no
strength in the tobacco of which they
are made. All the strength has been
taken out by the chewers Of the tobacco
before it is made up into cigarettes.
Il know" said little girl to her
elder sisters young man at the supper
table, ''that you will join our society
for the protection of the little birds, be-
cause mamma says you are very fond of
larks.
The German citizen teaches Us that
the acquisition of fortune is possible
without the incessant striving that shat
tiers both mind and body, and that rea-
sonabe rest is quite compatible with
remuneratiye industry. Brooklyn EG-
gle.
Isft q girl? 1t is girl. What funny
clothes she wears. Yes, that is the style.
Does she belong to q circus? Oh,eno
she is only member of lawn tennis
club What queer shoes she has on.
They are not shoes, What are they?
They are liver pads.
Discarded lover: Eyes, felt terribly
when she Tilted me-" Same CATER a
pause and sighing) 'sAnd, do you
know, [ had hardly begun to pay her
attentions when | learned through a
book-keeper in bank that she had
100000 on deposit in her own right. ="
The Ocean Steamer-Th wrong man:
''Wilf you be kind enough, sir, to in
form me, sir, the location of No. 41S?''
Take two turns and half hitch, let
90 the weather main brace, clew up yer
fgallant stay sail, port yer helm, and
ask the man at the wheel. " Thanks. "
Life.
He was looking for the cashier, and
asked the paying teller if Mr.. Blank
was in. "Gone to the Springs" was the
reply in the terse manner and courte-
Gus tones usual to bank, hotel and va
rious other kinds of clerks. ''How much
is it?' asked the visitor. The teller
didn't seem to catch on.-SaD Francis
co Post
The wish to please '.Oh! how do
you do, my dear Miss Robinson? So
glad to see YOU looking so we'll! BY the
way, how lovely YOU looked at my
dance last Wednesday! Everybody was
asking who you were, | assure you. >
Il? II wasn't there! | had a bad
cold and 4 sore throat, you know. -
PVnch
College students don't please as table
walters. When you call one misera-
bic jackass for splitting the soup down
your back and giving you a salt-cellar
filled with sugar, he of course can't
answer back, as it is against the rules
of the hotel, but he can say something
TO another waiter in Greek which you
can't understand, but which you feel
sure is horrible abuse of yourself, and
it's awful maddening.
The proverbial wit of our citizens of
African descent and their skill in taking
collection were shown again last Sun
day at camp-meeting near this city,
saws the Christian Adl,Oc0fe a sister,