The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-05-02
COMIC COMMENTS.

Really so:. Hogg is the name # a 10
tel proprietor in Hazelhurst Mississippi and
Hominy is the name of another .iHaatQ
Constitution.
-Uncalled for "Your language i,
wholly uncalled for, as the publisher told
the author whose works failed to- sell. =
Narration Iadepeadent
Literal: Mechanic 80 plowboy) =
"Well, my lad, how much do you earn a
week?' Plowboy-''I dunno what earns,
but know what gets. "-London Fqa.
The vegetarian's dilemma "If
drink water they will say I'm using oxygen.
If drink something stronger they will ac-
cuse.ne of taking horn Must I'perish
from thirst ?"--L0udScitle Go,ti4tr-Jou,7lak
Interesting medical item: . Well,
madam, hows your husband to-day p
why, doctor, he's no better" Ibid you
get the leeches2' a Yes, but he only took
three of them raw had to fry the rest"
Detroit Free Press
Force of habit: Stranger Ito waiter
standing in front of restaurant: Can.
You tell me where DR.. Mayer lives Z" Wait.
er: 'very sony-bat if you care to wait
about fifteen minutes we shall have some
fresh sausages with sauer kraut n-FKegende
Blatter.
"A question: Why is il that q young
man and & young woman will sit for hours
and hours together in parlor without say
ing word and then, when it is time for
him to leave, stand an hour talking earnest
~ on the front stoop in the still, pneumo-
uiac air Puck.
Let eoncealment, like n worm in the
bud, etc. +" Yes,n he said, "that setter
dog of mine IS mighty smart and does lots
Of cute things. But l never tell of them,
never. You see, no matter how closely l
stuck &c the truth folks would think lied. 4"
-Soaaeroilk journal.
Personal noto Little girl, do you
know whose house this is 2" asked solemn
looking old man of bright child seated on
he church steps. "Yes. sir, it's Gods but
He amt in, she added, as The old gentleman
was about to walk up the steps; land His
agents gone TO Europe. '-9'aas S5Iin9s
A dutiful son What are you look
ing around for so much ?" asked an Austin
mother of her sixteen-year-old son, with
whom she was walking. ~ am looking
,round IN yonr account" "On my nc
connt" YES | want 10 pick you out a
gool.looking daughter-in-la ~ 1eras SJt-
fagS.
Had him there g You have been up
here before half a dozen times this year"
said an Austin Justice, severely, to u 1oca.
yagrant. Come now, Judge none Of
that. Every time I've been here Eve seen
you here. You are here more thnu ! am.
People who live IN glass houses should not
throw stones. - 7sras SJli'Hs.
Enforced admiration Broker" What
Herr Hrschgold you venture to ask for my
daughters hand. Really l don't know
what to admire most your impudent bold
ness or your shrewd speculation TO get my
money. However since bold, impudent
man and shrewd specula.or is admirably
adapted to-you shall he my son.in.aw. -
fliegeade Bltto.
Assessed TIE assessor: The jay Hub.
bell game does not always pan ont we'll
The other day n stnge driver in the BlacS
Hills undertook to horsewhia the passen-
gers into getting out of the stage and push
hug it up hill, but the passengers emptied
their revolvers into him few times, held q
Coroner's inquest and found that he had
died of pneumonia. - 7'etas Sittiags
Hickory jackson at fault A book
agent wandered into Bowery museum the
other day and talked to wax figure of Gen.
eral jackson three hours, trying to induce
him to subscribe for work of 1l2 parts,
price fifty cents each--no subscription taken
for less than the entire work ''Well," he
said, as he turned to go, "if you didn't want
II. why didn't you say so two hours ago ?n--
The Judge.
Earning his living: An old colo,ed
man, with his legs twisted about like cork
screws from rheumatism, and also partly
paralyzed, sits on the steps of the Austin
Court HOUSE and solicits aims "You must
have pretty hard time of it, uncle" re-
marked sympathetic stranger, handing
him nickel. "Yes, boss, daps fact.
A<sN . OLA va ~ III VIC ituiuy uuu 80 uo only
one able to get about and earn lbin'. "
1eras Sjtiags
Instance of UNCONVENTIONAL zeal AT
the time when Episcopacy was struggling
FOR place in Scotland. much to the disgust
OF the common people, n girl in Fife, the
daughter of a non-conforming clergyman,
hooking over the New Testament and finding
the phrase which speaks of Christ as "the
Bishop of our souls" blotted out the word
Bishop and inserted the word Presbyter. 20
that it read: 1.-THE Presbyter of our souls"
-Giasgoto Fleming Times
--objecting to improving pork: Seen,
1emen, l don't bleve In crossin' or changin'
do breed Of our hogs. DE ole-fashioned hog
splenty good. owes de saddest time of
my life to n fine hog. j was passin' a pen
once an seed fine hog. Ell he hadn't been
Il fine hog wouldenter paid no 'tention TO
him. Wall, was rested on account ob dat
nne hog an sent ter de pententiary iur
year. Don't bring no fine breed of hogs
Into dis neighborhood "-Arkansdie Tsao.
el~.