The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-02-15
sPooPENDYKE ON THE CARS

"My DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, running
his thumb down the list of towns on the time
table, and glaring helplessly at the columns Of
figures, eve can never get anywhere with this"
''Let's see," murmuTed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
laying her hand on his arm, and drawing the
timetable toward her. There's Boston Lv.
and Albany Ar, ESQ to 12:40. That's plain
enough
at is, is it ?" snorted Mr. spoopendyks, aban-
doning the table, and bending his eyes on his
wife. Think that's plain enough, do YET Show
me how you make it. If you've got this thing
by the tail, wiggle it once for my information"
why" faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, "you just
add iem together: ought's ought; four and
three's seven; eight and two's ten f.; put down
the ought and carry"
"Carry swill to the hogsw roared Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, bracing himself up in his seat, and sur
yeying his wife with marked disapprobation.
That's about much rs We know how to do,
anyway. What's Boston got to do with it
What interest has Lv. and Ar. got in this thing
Got some kind of a notion that they own the
road, haven't YET Praps We think ones tun-
mel and the others a bridget Well, they amt,
and they're not half. baked females who don't
know timetable from dog law. Now, you
let>sne figure this thing, if you don't want to
spend the remainder of your life on the road"
Certainly, DEAR" cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
nesting up to her husband, who was CHANGING
around the car, to see if he had been overheard.
''You can make it out, if anybody can"
''Now, start from New York at 1890, 1.
M, continued Mr.. Spoopendyke, "and we get to
Buffalo at 12:l5, a. m. Then, according to this,
we leave Buffalo at l2:35 and 1910 for Chicago
What want TO know is, why we leave Buffalo
twicei'
II suppose it's to make sure of getting away
from there" suggested Mrs. SpoOpendyke, fast
euing her thumb and fore finger on the margin
of the timetable with death grip. MAY be
the engine leaves at IBIS and the last car ut
l2:40," she added, the new explanation oc-
Cured TO her. "Anyhow, it is better to get
| away from there twice than stay there altogeth-
er; don't you think so, dear " and she looked at
| him conidingly.
"S'pose anybody along the line of this road
knows what We driving at r. snarled Mr..
| Spoopendyke, hauling at his end Of the table.
! .'Let go, will YET Engine leaves at l2::5i Last
| car at l2:i0! That's the idea, 1t took you to
| hit it When | get time to fit you up with a
cow-catcher and schedule of cut rates, I'm going
to start an opposition road with you! Now, you
| let this thing alone, tell YEP
There it is!' exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
| flushing with another discovery. ave got it
now You see, arrive at Chicago twice-at
| 7:4O, and $40 again. Look at it there! OF
! course. we've got to leave Buffalo twice to get
to Chicago twicer and Mrs. Spoopendyke set
tied herself back, and regarded the table with
much complacency.
"Oh, you've got it - roared Mr. Spoopendyke.
THAT explains it! This railroad is twins
Leaves everywhere twice, and gets everywhere
| twice! Nobody would ever have found it out
but you! All you want now is a misplaced
switch and Coroner's inquest to he n through
trunk line! Can't you see that it's two differ
| ent trains that get in ut 7:i0i S'pose they only
! run one train on this dod gasted roadf Got a
notion that the same train runs both ways at
the same timei know all about getting there,
as well you do, but what 1 want to- under
stand is. how this measly train leaves Buffalo
twicei Got il nowi Think you have fathomed
/ nv design this time-tablef'
perhaps there are two different trains out OF
| Buffalo r. hazarded Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Mr.. Spoopendyke deliberately tore the time
table into thousand pieces, dropped them care
fully under the seat, buried his hands in his
pockets, and glared out the window.
81 don't care soliloquized Mrs Spoopendyke.
There can't two trains arrive anywhere with
ont leaving some place, and anyway, suppose
we'd get TO Chicago just as well. if We didn't
understand about this Buffalo affair."
With which eonsoling reflection, Mrs. Spoop.
endyke settled herself in her seat, and gave her
self up to considering how that "girl on the 9th
er side would act if she knew how much her
laughing and loud talking with her escort Of
Tended the more virtuous minded of her SEX
! Bro0kiER Edqle