Connecticut western news., 1883-10-10
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
 OVER THIS WEEK.
Making u Start-Puslx's Five Cent Piece Plantation PhilOsOphy-A Golden We'd ding, Etc., Etc.
i FIVE CENT PIECE.

A man may have hundred dollars ln one pocket and a punched five cent nickle in the other, and he will never think of the hundred dollars once, but will think of the five cent nickle all the time. Of course he can't remember where he got it. That he will never know. But he wonders how he can get rid of it. He tries to pass it on various people by turning the worst side down; but he fails, and feels awfully mean and mortified at being caught. He would be willing to buy something he doesn't need at all to get rid of it; but no one will take it. He will sit in his office and take it out and look at it, and turn it over carefully and thoughtfully, and re- fleet on the prospects of disposing of 1t. And after he has worried over it for 0 long time he presents it to a bootblack as though it were farm. And that night, on the way home in the bob-tail car, late, it strikes him that he might get rid of it i'll the box, if he only had it: and then mean sensation steals over him, and he feels like clubbing himself all around the car, and he stag gers up and drops new five cent piece in the box.-Puch. sHYLoCK.
 The following story of Henry Irving was told in London the other day by an American actor:
 'Irving," said he, Chad the reputation of being little 'near,' as they say here, in small money matters. One night last month he came down to the Ly- ceum Theatre, and as he alighted he handed the cabby his exact fare-one shilling emitting the customary gra- tuity of thruppence or sixpence. The cabby very solemnly took the coin, looked at it cross-eyed and said:
 "Beg pardon, MT. Irving, but don't you play 'Shylock P"
 "Why, fellow?" said Irving, in his sub-cellar voice.
 "'Cause, sir," said the cabby, eff you're as good Jew hon the stage has you har hoff you must be great hac- tor" And the cabby rolled away. MAKING A START.
 "I'm on my way East and have about three hours in which to see Detroit, " said stranger, yesterday, to police man on. J Jefferson avenue. "I want to begin right. Now, then, you, of course, have the finest Fire Department in the country?"
 "Yes, sir"
 "Ah! Exactly-exactly. And the best police force?"
 "Yes."
 sJust as I xpected-exactly. This is, of course, one of the healthiest cities in the world ?"
 "It is."
 "Ah-yes. You have noble river at your doors?"
 "We have, sir"
 "Exactly-I presumed as much. You course ?"
 "Yes, sir"
 "Exactly-of course: Taxes are low, the local Government efficient, and law and order prevail in all directions
 "Yes."
 ''I supposed so-yes. The city is i'm proving, and is certain to become great metropolis ?''
 "That's what we think"
 ''Of course-of course You have pure air, good water and freedom from epidemics ?"
 "Yes, sir"
 Exactly -exactly-just as I supposed They said the same in Buffalo, Cleve laud, Cincinnati, Chicago, Indianapolis and Milwaukee. If you will have the kindness to direct me to fve-cen barber shop I will enjoy shave and then see the city. With the start you have given me I cannot fail to do yo1 justice. ."-Detroit Free Press. GOLDEN WEDDING. "Where are you going, all dressed ul as fine as fiddle?" CT have been invited to attend tn, golden wedding of Tim Spickens." "Not Tim Spickens, who used to driv, 8 stage between Austin and San Antonio and who had shooting scrape down il Houston with nigger ?' '"Thats the man ?'' "Did you say you were going to at tend the golden wedding?" "Yes."
 People celebrate their golden wed | ding when they have been married fifty , years, don't they?" Certainly" '"Then we're not talking about the same man, for the Tim Spickens mear is not more than thirty years of age, and \ he wasn't married at all six months ago. "We are talking about the same man l but you see there are different kinds O golden weddings. call Tim's wedding golden wedding because the fair bride who is sixty-year-old widow, is said t, have $2O,OO0 all in twenty dollar goi, pieces. Ieras Siftings. ANXIOUS TO SEE HIM. ! The colored man had just finishe saddling Col. Yerger's horse, when " very gentlemanly looking strange ,s stepped up, and drawing, not pisto , but note, said: ,t "Give that to the gentleman of th " house"
 The darkey hitched the horse to pos
 and went in. Col. Yerger, who was ,u breakfast, read the note and scene r somewhat surprised at reading: 5, sT ,,,1oro+ond fbo+ x,o,, x,,;sb 4o s