Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1883-12-22
GaIes NH Sketfbes.
HB WAITS 10 BE A MILLIONAIRE OR
NoRK MIRACLES, HR DoN'r CARK
MECH WEIGH.

"Well, never see boy change as you
have" said the grocery man to the bad
boy, as he came in with . poor. dirty look
ing tramp. and bought him a pound of
crackers and big piece of cheese. and as
the tramp sat down on a soap box and be-
gan to 90 through the fodder az though it
was banquet, and the boy looked out of
the window at the rain that was falling,
the grocery man added, What has got
into you? You haven't got religion, have
you? 2"
''Naw. guess not" said the boy, as he
slyed pickle out of barrel to the tramp.
THAT Is. haven't got It by any regular
rule. but may be it is in my system.
tell you, old oleomargarine, Ihave always
been in for fun, and haven't cared much
how hadit, but lately have had more fun
making people happy than l ever had
making pa jump around. Don't you know,
If you see person who is in hard luck
and thinks the world is all a fraud, and
who almost wants to be run over by a
freight train, and you go to work to sur
prise the person with bit of kindness,
smuggle a warm meal down him before
he knows it, it makes your heart feel as
though you had got to loosen your belt
I never knew there was so much suffering
in the world until that humane society fell.
low hired me to go around with him to
hold his horse while he relieved distress,
but the woods are full of people who have
no drawers to wear in winter. and who
would faint away at the sight of roast
beef. Gosh, l wish l had million dol
lars!'' "Oh what would you do with a
I'LL ookad hn
man as he watched the tramp pick
his teeth with silver Of the soap
box. IF you had million doll
ars you would buy dude suit of clothes
and trotting wagon with red wheels and
a horse that could trot in 2: 10. And you
would part your hair in the middle, and
wear yellow gloves and say 'g-lang,.
That's the kind of millionaire you would
be-"
mo, sir! You are no guesser," said
the boy, as he gave the tramp glass OF
cider. Il would buy out a bakery and a
meat market. and when poor people hadn't
anything to eat I would invite them to call
on Hennery. Then would take hum
bred thousand dollars and 60 around pay
ing a months rent in advance for people
If some people knew they would not be
bothered about paying rent for month,
they would be so happy they would ache.
Then / would buy 10000 pairs of red
flannel drawers, regular old thick ones. all
sizes, and sell them to poor people and
take their notes for the pay. You see
some people wouldn't like to have drawers
given to them, but if you took their notes
they would feel as though they bought the
drawers and then you could have bon
fire and burn up the notes. But l had
rather be able to work miracles than be a
millionaire. If l could take stones and
turn them into loaves of bread, and water
into wine. the way Christ did, would set
up business ut stone quarry and open a
free bakery, and / would take the Mil
waukee river and make it into wine and
tell the poor people to help themselves. 1t
would make breweries sick but they could
ship their beer to Texas and Colorado.
l tell you, what this country needs
Is fellow that can make bakery
out of a stone quarry by simple
turn of the wrist. and I had rather
have such job than to be presi.
dent. If l could turn hard heads into
bread it would be picnic. would take
big stone and go to the home of poor
WOmdu WIN HOtiliuS W Cstt tllt
house and tell her had brought her some
bread, and would hand her stone as
big as a peck measure, and she would
see 1t was stone, and the tears would
come to her eyes, and she would look sorry
because was so mean, and then while
she was whipping her eyes on the under
side of her apron, would touch the stone
with my magic wand, and turn it into a
loaf of salt-rising bread or brown bread.
with mansard roof on. and the look the
poor woman would give me. when she
found the stone was bread, would be worth
a thousand dollars. and would go away
feeling pretty cunning. should want to
be able to turn cord wood into canvas
hams. too"
"Yes, that is all right to talk, but you
amt no angel, yet" said the groceryman.
1.-The detective in this ward says he is
shadowing a lot you boys that are holding
clandestine meetings in barn, and he
thinks you are up to some deviltry. You
had better look out or the detective will
have you boys all pulled"
Don't worry about u.s." said the
boy, as he gave the tramp quarter to
buy the next meal. and told him not to
mention it, when the tramp began to
thank him. ''That detective is too smart
for his boots. We have formed society
for playing jokes on poor widows this
winter. have got nine boys in our
neighborhood to join the society, and we
are going to make it hot for widows, and
don't you forget it. The humane society
is going to tell us when they take a
load of wood to a poor widows house.
and US boys are going to sneak up to her
house after dark, armed to the teeth with
buck-saws. and axes. and before widow
knows what kind of gang we are, we
are going to saw her wood, and split il
and carry it in. We made the darndest
mistake last night, on the South Side,
though. We found load of wood next
to poor widows house, and sawed it up,
and carried it in. and after We had got il
all done. Dutch cigar maker. next door,
who owned the wood. got mad about il
and made us pay q for the wood. 1t took
all the money we had, but it was fun, and
the widow never knew where the wood
came from. had to sell my skates to
raise my share, but there is no ice anyway
suppose that detective thinks he will run
on to kit of burglars tools when he
makes a raid on Us in the barn, but he will
find US filing saws. Pa says us boys have
struck lead now that makes him proud
&c and 80 ca~ex 81 a.