The Warner weekly sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1885, 1883-11-17
THE WOODEN WEDDING.

SNPAN AS NANA VIVA ~ NASNNA ~ NNN
hymeneal knot which made us twain?"
Ben delivered the above fine bit of
oratory, not in the effective, off-hand
manner which proves the ~impromptu
but with q halting precision which be-
trayed the effort it had cost to formulate
and remember it; nor was it the fine
spee;h I have heard delivered with an
effort.
II suppose you mea our wooden
wedding" I replied.
eyes, but doesn't timber mean wood,
I'd like to know? Now I'll tell you what
I've been thinking. l want to celebrate
it. A celebration of that sort would be
q new thing in this neck Of woods, you
see, and l think it would take big. It
wouldn't cost much, and there is no tell.
ing the useful things which our friends
might bring us. The milk, eggs, butter,
meat, fruit and -four we have in plenty
now, and, according to my figuring, ten
dollars for sweets and other iim-cracks
would furnish a sumptuous supper for
fifty or more persons. / read the other
day about an old fellow of eighty mar
ried his fourth wife, who celebrated his
wooden wedding, and his friends who
attended the supper brought them just
poodles of things, among the rest a set of
parlor furniture and a nice top buggy. 1
believe it pays to celebrate ones wood
en- wedding, to say nothing of the pleas
ant occasion of meeting ones friends.
I'll fix up the back porch for them to
pile the heavy furniture on,
and if any one should bring
a new reaper or a top buggy it can
just be left in the d%oor-yard. Those
who bring "precious goods in small
packages" can put them on the parlor
table. l have written out the invitation
card, which l will read to you: 1--WE
the undersigned, have concluded to
surprise our friends, and give them an,
opportunity of showing their apprecia-
ton of US, by celebrating our wooden
wedding on date. All who re-
ceive a duplicate Of this card are cordi-
ally requested to come and bring a good
appetite and whatever other valuable
piece of furniture his or her generosity
may suggest.-Benjamin and Sukey."
There, if you will allow me-, / think
that's straight to the point, and flatter
myself if it is somewhat original"
"For mercy's sake Ben, stop and take
breath and let me speak. 1t is very
easy to talk about entertaining and fur
nishing supper for fifty or more guests,
but not so easy to make the needed ar
engagements. How do you suppose I am
going to get through such an affair, and
that I know Of? Here is a bit of wis
dom I want you to stow away for future
reference too. The good appetites
brought to celebrations ofthe kind you
desire to make, generally outnumber all
other valuable pieces of furniture pro-
duced for the occasion"
Nov Suke, don't 60 and spoil all my
nice plans with a big wet blanket. My
heart is so set Oh this celebration. You
know a fellow cannot have but one wood
en- wedding, unless-unless he-marries
again, and somehow | just feel it in my
bones that we will have a jolly time, and
our friends will do a nice thing by US, in
the way of presents, you know. I'll
help cook"
"dThe next two days Ben spent writing
out the invitations, then the cooking be.
gan in earnest, and Ben beat the eggs
and / stirred batter and kneaded dough
till my head grew dizzy.
At last the evening of the important
day arrived, and leaving the culinary
department for an hour or two in care
of Belinda Jones, Ben and | arrayed in
our best bib and tucker, stood al 1.-THE hall
door to receive our guests, Ben holding
a tablet on which he kept tally of each
arrival.
"Sixty-five guests and thirty-one par
GELS" sighed Ben, as the clock tolled off
the stroke of eight. 'Suke, what do o
suppose is in all those queer looking
little wads which they have been piling
up on the parlor table2"
Precious goods in small parcels"
whispered !, ''but ! haven't heard any
deposits on the back poroa."
"No," answered Ben, ''they have all
come straight in from the front gate to
the hall door, and the presents, what
ever they are, are in that c~onglomera-
ton on the table. [ most begin to wish
that we had not celebrated t."
Just then Melinda poked her head in
at the opposite door, and gave me a sig
nificant wink, and / hurried into the
kitchen to find that her Youngest hope
full had managed to push the cover off
the ice-cream. and had filed the vessel
containing it to overfiowing by thrusting
into it young Fletcher Bigbee's new ul-
ster, which the meddlesome cherub had
managed to pull down from the clothes
rack in the hall. OF course Melinda was
almost in mysteries, and / had to Sun 9TH
er my own regrets to comfort her, while
George Washington washed out the
coat and hung it behind the stove to
dry. Then ] had to extract Ben from
the sitting-room and explain the mis-
hap to him, which was q sore disap-
pointment, for he had prided himself
no little on the preparation of that ice-
rea
The next mishap was the breaking
down ofthe parlor sofa. then young Prim-
rose Fleming caught his feet in Miss Tulip
the dressing-case glass and shivered it to
atoms.
During supper I heard Mrs. Bigbee
remark to Col. Fleming that sac thought