davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
FABLE OF THE MASHER.
Showing How a Girls Little Brother
Knocked Masher Out.

In certain city which shall be Name,
less, there dwelt masher. A masher,
my dears, is a thing which may be de-
scribed as moral spittoon, and his mis-
sion on earth is to pester respectable
girls with his nauseous attentions and
to receive the scorn and contempt of all
real men. Now, this masher was an
athletic masher, and for hours he would
swing ponderous clubs, and raise gigan-
tic dumb-bells. till he had biceps that
looked ike ham, and this he would
feel and say, Il can whip any galoot
that objects to me as q masher, so let
him beware" and he made dummy
figure of a man stuffed with sawdust
and hung it up, and he could knock it
out in one round every time. And he
cried, John L. Sullivan, / IN after you. -
Then he would hit the dummy in the
eye and feel good. And it came to pass
one Sabbath evening, at the close of the
service, he stood outside the church
door to make mash, and the yawps
and squads, two kinds of hobblededoys,
hooked on him with awe, saying, '.look
out and don't try to mash the slugger's
girl, for he measures seventeen inches
round the biceps and forty-fiye round
the chest, and can lick Sullivan, and
Mace and his Maori, all at once" and
they turned pale at the thought. When
the ladies came out of church where
they had been singing hymns and sizing
up one anothers hats and clothes, the
masher spoke to a beautiful girl with
whom he was not acquainted. And she
gave him to understand that she would
prefer his room to his company, but he
persisted in his annoyances and would
not leave her. But little fellow walk.
ed up out of the crowd and touched the
slugger and masher on the shoulder and
said, "A word with you He was only
little chap, and perhaps weighed rs
lbs., but he was full of courage and wiry
as a leopard that cannot knock spots
out of himself and the masher said
''Begone, or I'll flatten you out" But
the little chap would not begone, and
he said: That is my sister," and he
hit the masher between the eyes, and he
fell down and wept. Then the little
fellow sat on him and whaled the ever
lasting interior out of him, till he cried
for mercy and beloved like a bull OF
Bashan. And when the little chap got
through the masher's face looked like a
strawberry ice, and he was carried home
and did not leave his couch for three
weeks.
MoRAL-It is one thing to knock out
dummy figure and another to stand
up before the righteously indignant
and one who would persecute defense
less female can ever have one ounce OF
pluck, oven though he weigh ton.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
Of Coursa Not

In the early days of Macomb County,
this State, the next thing to town-meet-
ing day was horse-race, and any farm
er who owned anything which could
strike a gallop was always willing to
put up at least bag of corn on the re-
suit. On one occasion the wife of a
farmer named Cranage died the day be-
fore he was to ride his horse in scrub
race. The owner of the other horse of
course heard of the sad affiiction, and
he rode over to console with Crsnage
and add:
1.-The funeral will come off tomorrow,
l suppose?a
Yes, tomorrow afternoon"
'And of course you want the race
put off for a few days?n
''Of course l don't!'' was the en-
phatic reply. Martha was a good wife,
and I'm sorry to lose her, but after she
has been buried / can do no more for
her. In fact, her last words to me were
to beat you out of them five bushels of
turnips if it killed the boss, and | shall
feel as if she were looking right down
upon me at every jump. Funeral at
sharp pace comes off as soon as we
git back from the graveyard r'-Detroit
Free Press.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
The Reporters s Primer,

"Who is that Angry looking Man?n
THAT my Son, is Reporter
'.Do Reporters always look Mad?'
''Not always
''What Ais that one?''
'He has been to Church Supper. :"
Wasn't he Inyited?n
80, yes. Five of the prettiest Girls
in the parish Urged him to go.''
Il should Think he would have liked
That"
HE did. And each of those girls
wanted him to give my Table a special
Mention. ~
''Did He get any SupperP"
''Of course he did. He bought A five
cent Sandwich for a Quarter and ate it
after the Rest got through"
''Where is he Going now?"
''He is going to the Office to write
that the parish Church supper last
Night was most agreeable success.
The lovely Faces of the fair Maidens in
attendance on the Table were Only RI
vailed by the Charming liberality with
which they Dispensed the finest Viands -
''Are Reporters ever Sarcastic?"
mo, my Son, never. y Waterbury
american.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24

One time / was in Mr. Brily's shop and
he had cut off pigs he'd and set it on
top of a barl, and ole CATER Peters he
cum in and seen it, and he sed, ole CATER
did, Mister Brily yure pig is gitten
out" Mr.. Brily he luked and then sed.
THAT so, CATER, you jest take that stick
and rap him on the nose fore he can
draw it in." So CATER he tuke the stick
and snook up reel sli, and fetched the
pigs he'd regular nose-wiper, hard as
ever he cude with stick, and knocked
the pigs he'd off the bari, and you never
seen sech stonished ole man! But Mr..
Brily he pretended like he wasn't a
lookyn, and ole CATER he sed, ''Mistel
Brlly, you must excuse me, but when
struck at that pig it lodged and cut its
he'd off agin the edje of the barl.''
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
THE LONG, LONG KISS.
snatched Hastily from the Side-Long Maic
is Often Dangerous.

Who can explain the magic power
that lies in kiss? More eloquently
than words it expresses love, friendship
sympathy, admiration, repentance. II
is token of affection and esteem, ane
of scheming duplicity as well. How
could lovers WOO and wed without the
sweet assistance of kiss? From time
immemorial Cupid has depended upon
it as his most powerful ally. Who car
not recall the kiss of a mother, tha
seems almost like a benediction, or the
kiss of father, as a mark of approba
ton or encouragement? The kiss O
brother or sister, expressing moro un
selfish love than could be contained il
volumes of words? the kiss of the little
one, full of trust and confidencef .Wha
mother has not been called upon 10 kiss
away the pain from bruised heads anC
burned fingers? What part these de.
monstrationS of love, affection or friend
ship play in every ones every day life
Kisses are recorded in history for which
crowns have been given or worl0
thrown away. Ever since its murmm
flowing Codron has it played an import
ant part in the destiny of nations
Queens have ever looked kindly upoi
the practice Good Queen Bess was no,
averse to the osculatory salutation
and bestowed it right heartily upon hei
favored suitors. A remarkable kiss i,
recorded as given by Queen Margare.
TO Alain Charter more than 400 wears
ago. He was q poet. but she uolies.
man in the whole of France. Durin.
his lifetime he enjoyed wonderful rep.
utation, but after his death he was soon
forgotten. He is now chiefly remem.
bered on account of the kiss which the
Queen pressed upon his dreaming lips
one day, as she found him sleepilf9, say
ing to her maid as she did so: II kiss
not the man; l kiss the soul that sings
Kisses are the sunlight of life, but O.
late physicians are loudly condemnino
the practice of promiscuous kissing. A
physician, whose reputation is world
wide, thinks that for an unhealthy per
son to kiss another is Il crime, and the
habit of kissing most dangerous from .
sanitary point of view. Not only does
he believe that diphtheria and like dis.
eases are frequently communicated by
kissing, but that still more loathsome
diseases are contracted by contact with
the lips of affected persons. So let us
be chary OF our kisses, or at least be.
stow them with discretion. Promiscu.
Gus kissing, which is not prompted by
sentiment, means nothing, is in ba0
taste, and is of little qualification. Let
such osculatiCn be abolished.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
WHOLE NO. 1890.
Railroad Superstitions.

''Yes, / read that article on stage
people and their superstitions," said an
Erie conductor, land | must confess
that we railroad men as class are
equally superstitious. | am not speak
ing about that superstition that clings
TO one after an accident, but of that
possessed by regular railroad men. l
krow a conductor who wears long
face the whole trip if the first ticket he
should take up should be that of
colored man. He has never had Sc
rious accident, but is always afraid of
one when such an occurrence happens.
l have known him to carry it TO such an
extent that if colored man should
happen to be his first passenger he would
sit down and not gather up the tickets
until the next station was reached.
That's mild instance, however. A
horseshoe is railroad mans universal
insignia of safety. You will scarcely
find a freight train on any of the roads
without a horseshoe in the caboose.
Brakemen sometimes carry whole one
in their pockets. Engineers are scarce
ly ever without one in their cab. If
anything happens to delay a train on
the first four or five miles of its trip, an
engineer is always superstitious of bad
luck all the way through. Ihave known
one of them to enter a way telegraph
office for orders, and anticipate answer
to lay over just because it was his off
night. Some engineers get to believing
that certain portions of the road are
against them, and, no matter how nice
ly their train glides- over it, they are
apprehensive of danger or of being late.
Conductors are tainted with the dis
ease. but not SO seriously. If the first
pasteboard handed a certain one | know
when he starts on trip should be a
pass, he is certain that he will have bad
luck during the whole run. Brakemen
do not show the symptoms so plainly,
because they have less to do with the
management of the train, but even they
DO not escape it. Should brake-head
fly off, an evil omen is conveyed to the
mind of some of the craft. A train Of
thirteen ears often gives them the blues.
| have known one to miss trip because
the train he was to run with had that
number of cars. Bradford Star.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
All About the Bonv Fish Sbad,

In an old country shad would come
in with fete day. The world has not
their equal for fineness, indescribable
freshness like water cress, and deli
cacy, yet with satisfying potency. One
shad is the measure of the representa-
tive family. The fathers partiality is
shown where he gives most of the roe.
From birth to bones the shad's epic is
like silver spirit; noiseless, trans
lucent, unresisting, like the passage of
the moon through the river and sea.
Migratory, but with childhood memories
of locality, fruitful religously, and even
in the dream of young children and
large gentle families, they seem like the
spring lambs of the water, grazing the
infinite fields of sheen What dangers
they pass through, going and returning,
the innocents in the time of Herod never
had. Provided with nothing to make
battle, with tiny teeth and miniature
fins, they course the ocean like the sill
yer galleon of old days beset by pirates
but protected by the saints. Although
the royal guest at feasts and poor men
tables, they are, like all enduring no.
bility, peasant-born. The martyred
menhaden is, their cousin, the herring
is their step-brother. To see them
caught is like seeing angels fall; so
peacefully, so tlashingly; and in the
butchers shamble they carry upon their
delicate arnor the light of skies-N.
Y. Tribune.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
Lost United States Bonds and Notes.


Of the so, ,575, 900 past-due debt of
the United States upon which in
terest has long ceased, and which had
been presented for payment down to the
April schedule, less than one-half the
amount, or 1879, 800, consists of the
81 per cent. bonds called in by Secre-
tary Folger since last September. The
further sum of So, 943, 800 in bonds, of
various issues, have been outstanding
from one to five years, and the remain
der S1,751, 900 part old interest-bearing
Treasury notes, warissueS), from five to
ten years and over The loss of the
Treasury notes during and soon after the
war is not surprising, but that such large
sums of the overdue called bonds should
have been privately boarded so many
years after the interest had ceased is not
a little remarkable. 1t is possible that
many of these bonds have been lost or
misplaced, or accidently destroyed, and
may never be presented. 1t is now well
ascertained that of the fractional cur
rency used during the war and until
subsidiary silver was substituted in 1876,
nearly S1.000,000 year or S15, 100000
out of $40, 900, 900 printed and circulat-
ed, has been lost or destroyed. Over
SS,000,000 has been marked off the
Treasury books by authority of Congress,
and $4,000, 900 more had as well follow,
since the notes have ceased to be pre-
sented. 1t is estimated that about S26,-
100000 greenback notes have been lost
or destroyed in the twenty-one years
since they were first issued; but tie
truth about all such estimates will never
be known in our days, as greenback
legal-tender has become part and parcel
OF our financial system. In like doubt
is the loss of notes of the national banks
in the twenty years OF their existence.
Whatever it is, the profit inures under
the law to the Treasury, and not to
the banks of circulation Nea0 York
Commercial Adcertiser.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
EXCITED THOUSANDS.

All over the land are going into ecstacy
over DR.. Kings New Discovery for
Consumption. Their unlocked for re-
covery by the timely use of this great
life Saving remedy, causes them to go
nearly wild in its praise. 1t is guaran-
teed to positively cure Severe Coughs,
Colds, Asthma, Hay Fever, Bronchitis,
Hoarseness, Loss of Voice. or any affec-
ton of the Throat and Lungs. Trial
bottles free at Robinson & Henrich's 8
Drug Store. Large size $1.OO. 2
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
Is it Deterioration2

Unquestionably there is a change in
progress in the relation of woman to
society. The old-time theory by which
she was held, treated, and governed as
achattel has been practically abandoned,
in this country at least. Nevertheless,
there are many relics of this theory
which are still cherished in society, and
it Will be many years ere they also will
be consigned to oblivion. 1t is still a
part of the unwritten law that woman
loses caste by earning her own living,
unless she makes grand success, and
then society condones her offense as
freak of genius. Nothing is more corr
mon than a semi-apology for a woman
who works, and if it can he said: "Ohi
she didn't have to work; her father was
wealthy, but she was so independent
it is universally understood that the
young woman has not lost all claim to
soC1al consideration. 1t il only those
who must work who are regarded as
little ''of color socially. As LONG.
therefore, as this idea prevails, and un
I'll 1T shall be as proper, as necessary,
and as much expected that woman
shall have occupation to earn her living
be some difficulty in meeting the deteri-
oration theory squarely. For society.
as now constituted, will regard the
steady progress of woman toward equal
labor, duty, and responsibility with man
as one OF the greatest evidences of her
deterioration, and will treat woman suf-
terage as one of the agents in invading
her privacy and destroying her softness.
dependence, and general uselessness,
But the woman of the future will be in
every respect mans coequal worker, and
friend, and while she will lose notbinu
OF the sweetness she now possesses she
VIII gam Immensely in her own capacity
tor sympathy, labor, and recreation.
Inns Is one prophecy against another,
but 1t is just as valuable as the other un-
I'll IL Is proven false.-Peita6elphia Re
cord.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
The Trowel Bayonet.

We perceive in Washington paper
that there is some talk in military cir
cles of introducing new style of bayo-
net into the army. 1t is painful thing
to the soldier to have new kind of
bayonet introduced. particularly after
he has become accustomed to the tri-
angular, or trowel, bayonet heretofore
in use.
The short, broad, triangular bayonet
has several advantages possessed by no
other implement of death. After hos
tile Indian, or any other foe of Uncle
Sans has been bayonetted with the
trowel bayonet, he may not like it very
much at first, but he never Will use any
other kind in his family.
In case of necessity, the trowel is in
tended to be used as an entrenching tool.
Ii company of infantry, armed with
the trowel bayonet, is about to be at
tackled in large open prairie. the sol
dlers can, in a few moments, throw up
breastwork almost as high as their
heads. But this is not the only advant-
age. As the army musket, to the muz-
Zle of which the trowel bayonet is ad-
justed, is made of comparatively soft
metal, the gun barrel bends when the
soldiers, the sods with their bayonets
turning, throw up the earthworks to pro-
tectthem from the hostile foe. The gun
barrels become bent like so many rain
bows. This enables the soldiers to
stand behind the breastwork, and with
out exposing himself in the least, shoot
the enemy, who is trying to climb up on
the opposite side. A gun that will shoot
around a corner may not be very good
for long-range target purposes, but it is
great source of comfort to the soldier,
who can carry death and destruction in
to the ranks of the enemy, and not ex-
pose himself in the least
Instead of.doing away with the trowel
bayonet, other weapons that might serve
two or three purposes, should be fur
nished our gallant soldiers. For turn
ing fapiacks, the trowel bayonet has no
rival. With the ordinary long, narrow
bayonet, the soldier cannot possibly turn
his fapjack without making a mesa of
it. In digging up mesquite roots for
fuel on the boundless prairies of the
West, the trowel bayonet is a perfect
terror, so the soldiers say. Excellent
as the trowel bayonet is, it might be i'm
bined battle axe and pitchfork bayo-
net might be invented. 1t should be
somewhat after the style of these table
knives made for one-armed men, with a
fork on the back of the knife, with which
to impale the chunks of beefsteak that
have been cut into by the blade of the
implement. A weapon of this kind, in
the hands of our soldiers, would be very
effective. 1t is also our opinion that
combined spade and revolver, kind of
revolving spade, might be invented,
that would deliver dozen shots min
ute, and dig up a ten acre field while it
is being reloaded.
We have very little practical military
experience, and merely call the atten-
ton of General Sherman to these sug-
geStions in a casual Off-hand sort of way.
We do not wish to be understood as die
t,,z.ns to the military authorlties.-TeI-
as SiftingS.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
Giving a. Serenade,


Up Second avenue the other night
five young men softly entered ward,
arranged themselves in semi-circle on
the grass, and suddenly began to sing,
while guitar and banjo added their
sugary notes to the general sweetness.
As the song was finished a sash went up
and a masculine voice called out:
splendid! Beautiful! Gentlemen,
please repeat!"
The band on the grass was only too
happy to accommodate, and "Only a
Pi.nsy Blossom went floating again on
the night breeze.
positively entrancingr'
exclaimed the man at the window.
Gentlemen, | don't want to put you to
trouble, but if you would only sing that
over once more!'
The song dragged little this time,
and the alto voice seemed to have swal-
lowed troche down the wrong pipe,
but it ended at last and the old man en-
cored and called out
That's what | call singing. that is!
Gentlemen, I'm DO hog, but if / could
prevail upon you to render that delicht-
ful poem once more it would be a kind
ness | never could forgetr'
There was great deal of cussing and
growing in undertones, but the leader
gave the key, and for the fourth time
the neighborho0d was filled with dread
fully faded pansy blossoms When the
last note died away the old man clap
ped his hands and exclaimed:
Better and better! You have my
heartfelt thanks. The old woman is
deaf, my darter is in Pontiac, and the
hired gal quit yesterday, or I'd have
EN- all stick their heads out to thank
you in person! Good night. gentlemen
good night, and if you see fit to come
tomorrow evening I'll have the old
woman sot up with a bedquilt wrapped
around hern'-Detroa Free Press.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
FRED. SEEGER,

OFFERS TO HIS FRIENDS AND THE PUB
" lie generally, choice selection of Fresh
Meats Salt Pork and Beef Smoked Beef ana
Hams, Shoulders, Sausages, Tallow and Lard at
the lowest rates. Market on Commercial Street.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
NJ KETTENHOFFEN.

NORTHWESTERN HOUSE, FRANKLIN AND
~ Ninth streets, Manitowoc. Travellers VIII
ere and the best Accommodations, Sample rooms
attached.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
CHARLES HOVER.

ASERCHANT TAILORING ESTABLISH
NI ment, on Sth street, near south end OF Bridge.
The tailoring department is complete, and con,
tsins large assortn eat of fashionable cloths and
Gert's furnishing goods constantly on hand
Please call and examine before purchasing else
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
MRS. f.. X ERN

WORK STREET, MANITOWOC, WIS, DEAL
i er in Dry Goods, Groceries, Crockery, Fancy
Goods Glass ware, Boots I'D Shoes, Ready made
Clothing Paper Hangings, Hats, Caps, Toys, Chill
dren Carriage Live Geese Feathers, BIRD Cages,
Kerosene OF and LAMPS, &C, sc. A share ofpub-
patronage is solicited.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
BARBER SHOP.

GARL PANGBURN'S ) Barbershop, in Barnes
Oblock on n orth Eighth street Work done IN
good taste. Particular attention paid to Ladies
and Children's hair cutting and shampooing. BY
ali means call and see Carl.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24

HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN, SURGEON
III and Accoucheur, late resident Physician at
.ne Hahnemann Hospital Chicago, has pe4man-
emily located at Manitowoc. Cd.ce, on batialo
streets, west OF Rands store.
~,. II,rDs. 10 y A. M,
Sfhioh Ao'' / TO and TO p. NJ.
Diseases of the eye and ear treated.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
WIN M SEEGER-

ENLIST. OFFICE UPSTAIRS IN ANDER-
IL sons Block, Corner South Eighth and Quay
Streets Manitowoc, Wis. Prompt attention viii
be given to all work entrusted 10 me. apr27-ol
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24

Many oman what wont wash her
chillun' at home delights in washin'
dishes at church fair.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
WILLIAMS HOUSE.

D. SMITH, PROPRIETOR, CORNER OF
n. Eighth and Franklin streets, Manitowoc.
4 hrst-class American Hotel, centrally located,
offers every inducement TO the travelling public.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
- SANDERSON.

A5ANUFACTURERAN DEALER IN BOOTS
vi Shoes, Leather, &c, Shop ON Buffalo
Street, near the corner of Eighth Repairing
neatly and promptly executed.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24

Oar is many a rule what won't work
both ways. Whisky will produce a
headache but a headache won't produce
whisky.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24

De wust sort of boastfulness is showed
by de man what thinks dat he can enter
tain you wild a long story.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24

No man should be looked on as fool
on account oh what he doan belebe, but
on account OBJ what he does belebe. A
too easiness OBJ conviction ter strange
ideas is caused mighty heep OBJ trouble
In dis orld.-Arkdnsa TraUeEer.