St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-02-02
His Pa Goes Skating.

"What is that stuff on your shirt
bosom, that looks like soap grease"
said the grocery man to the bad boy, us
he come into the grocery the morning
after Christmas.
The boy looked at his shirt front, put
his fingers on the stuff and smelled of
his fingers and then said, sob, that is
nothing but little of the turkey
dressing and gravy. You see after pa
and | got back from the roller skating
rink yesterday, pa was all broke up
and he couldn't carve the turkey, and
| had to do it, and pa sat in stuff9d
chair with his head tied up, and a pill
complaining that didn't do it right
Col darn turkey any way. | should
think they would make Il turkey fiat
on the back, so he would lay on greasy
platter without skating all around the
table. 1t looks easy to see pa carve a
turkey, but when | speared into the
bosom of that turkey. and began to saw
on it, the turkey rolled around as
though IT was on castOrS, and it was all
| could do to keep it ont of mas lap.
But rasseled with it till | got off
enough white meat for pa and ma and
dark meat enough for me, and | dug
out the dressing, but most of it flew
into my shirt bosom. cause the string
that tied up the place where the dress
ing was concealed about the person of
the turkey, broke prematurely, and one
oyster hit pa i'll the eye, and he said |
was awkward as crOSs-eyed girl try
ing to kiss IL man with hair lip. If !
ever get to be the head of Il family
shall carve turkeys with a corn shelter"
"Bnt what broke your pa up at the
skating rink" asked the grocery man.
''Oh, everything broke him up. He
is split up so ma buttons the top of his
pants to his collar button, like a bicy-
Gle rider. Well, he no business to
have told me and my chum that he
used to he the best skater in North
America when he was boy. He said
he skated once from Albany to New
York in an hour and eighty minutes
Me and my chum thought if pa was
such il terror on skates we would get
him to put ona pair of roller skates and
enter him as the great unknown" and
clean out the whole gang. We told pa
that he must remember that roller
skates were different from ice skates,
and that maybe he couldn't skate on
them, but he said it didn't make any
| difference what they were as long as
| they were skates, and he would Just
paralyze the whole crowd. SO we got
pair of big roller skates for him, and
while we We're strapping them on, pa
/ he looked at the skaters glide around
on the smooth waXed floor Just as
! though they were creased. Pa looked
at the skates on his feet, after they
were fastened, sort of forlorn like, the
way a horse thief does when they put
! the shackles on his legs, and told him
| if he was afraid he couldn't skate with
! them we would take them off. but he
said he would beat anybody there was
there, or bust a suspender. Then we
Strengthened him up and pointed him
towards the middle of the room, and
he said ''leggo," and we just give him
a little push To start him. and he began
to go. Well, by gosh, you'd dide to
have seen pa try to stop. You see. YOU
can't stick in your heel and stop, like
YOU can on ice skates, and pa soon
found that out. and he began to turn
sideways, and then he threw his arms
and walked on his heels. and he lost
his hat, and his eyes began to stick
out, cause he was going right towards
an iron post. One arm caught the post
and he circled around it few times,
and then he let 90 and began to fall,
and, sir, he kept falling clear across
the room, and everybody got out of his
way, except a girl, and pa grabbed her
by the polonaise, like a drowning man
grabs at straws, though there wasn't
any straws in her polonaise as | know
of, but pa just pulled her along as
though she was dune up in a shaw
strap, and his feet went out from under