The banner-enterprise. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1883-18??, 1883-06-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The artists adieu to his picture
"You be hanged!"
According to an exchange, this is the
season when the man who can see ser.
mons in running brooks is apt to ge
and look for them on Sunday. Fish
are biting.
A Georgia young lady is raising
four acres of onions in order to obtain
$500. When she gets through she
ought to be able to write companion
piece to Tennyson's Tears, Idle
Tears
Mrs. Spaggins was boasting of her
new house. Tne windows, she said,
were stained. "That's too bad; but
won't turpentine or benzine wash it
off 2 asked the good Mrs, Oldboy.-
burlington II 1Cheye.
"Shall we wear a silk hat? ~ was the
subject of a lecture by Brooklyn di-
vine recently. That is a question
which no man can answer. Every
thing de, ends on which way the elec-
tions go.--philGdelphiG Netcs.
There is young fellow in our neigh
borhood who has been II aking a daily
practice of attempt ng to sing, Let
me like a soldier die" He seems TO
crave death, and they do say that one
of the neighbors who has musket is
preparing to accommodate him.
SATURDAY Night.
The height of economy has been
reached in Philadelphia. A woman in
this city, having worn out the heels
and toes of her red stockings, is going
to use the upper portions for lining her
bonnet. 1t won't be quite as snowy as
red sa in, but ju think how much it
saves.-PM adelphia Chronic1e
A woman has been sending bananas
to her husband who is confined in Jail
in st. Louis. They were of a very
peculiar kind, and are deserving of the
tttntion of horticulturists. On ex-
animation they were found to contain
saws and files within their pulpy
bosoms. The imprisoned criminal will
hereafter be known by his fruit.
"What dye leave that door wide
open for!" exclaimed the gentleman
in the office to the intruding peddler.
vol thought surr," was the quick re-
,ly, "that ye moight want to kick me
downstairs, and Oi wanted TO make it
convanient for ye, surr.' The gentle
man was SO taken aback that he
bought two apples for five cents,
passing off bad quarter in the trans
action. n.-BoSton Transcript.
Charley, the thre2-year-old of the
household, stood an attentive and inter-
ested looker-on while grandma was
pairing potatoes for dinner. Presently
She made sign of discontinuing the
work with a single potato left un-
peeled and unwashed. The little fel-
low reached into the pan, took it in his
chubby hand, and turning his bright
Eyes in an appealing glance to grand
mas face, exclaimed: Take i'm Goes
OIL and give i'm baff, too"
A gentleman, who is said to be lone
of the poets laureat of the United
States has written poem descrip-
tive of visit to Egypt, in which he
saws: "Then to the railroad we did go
To take the cars for Cairo TO see the
pyramids was our intent, So from Al
exandria we WENT We never under
stood before Just what was meant by a
"poet laureat of the United states,
but it is clear from this specimen that
the country is well supplied with them.
-NOp istoton Herald.
Inquirer-You wish to set Mr..
Snaggs and his next door neighbor to
lighting. Easy enough. Some dark
night Just take a load Of ashes and old
oyster cans and dump them in Snaggs'
back yard. He'll lay it to his Deighbor
and sling 'em over the fence. The
neighbor'll be ma lder than candidate
for office beaten 10y one vote, and will
sling 'em back. Then things will
hum; law suits, pulled noses and
bloody heads will result, and you can
sit back and see the fun.-BoSton Post.
An indignant landlord writes de-
manding the name Of the party who
first suggested putting coils of rope in
sleeping rooms as protection against
fire. He says he provided every bed
room in his house with coil of rope,
and the first night three of his guests
lowered their baggage IRON the sixth
story window and skipped, leaving
several days board bill unpaid. He
allows that being burned to death Is
bad enough, but running hotel for
fun is good deal worse.-RochesteT