davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
4 Fantastic St. Louis Romance.

A St. Louis Rst-Dispatch reporter
gave rein to his Imagination the other
day and started out for pleasant little
excursion. Feeling the influence of the
snrinp. however. Ills imagination soon
took the bit in its mouth and bolted,
and the reporter found himself strug-
Cling helplessly with the American Col
lege at Rome and private yacht; with
lot of lords and ladies in England, and
a gypsum cave belonging to Jay Gould
in ST. Louis; with an execution in Alex
andria and q Catholic priest in New
York. He was rescued by heroic efforts
at the end of two and three-quarter col
umns, and is reported to be doing as
well as could be expected.
The result of his adventure was
story in brief as follows: James Chester.
son of Sir Archibald, and ''dude" OF
the first water. Lady Alicia De We're,
sister to Aubrey De We're, the poet, toe
lovely for anything. Young people en-
gagged, of course. James goes of for .
years cruise in his yacht, after being
kissed by the Lady Alicia and Dante
Gabriel Rosseti in the Liverpool docks.
incidentally he attends wholesale exc.
cution in Alexandria at the invitation
of his friend the Khedive, and buys OF
one of the criminals for $1,000. An
English man-of-war comes in and the
Captain gives James copy of the
Times, containing the somewhat extra
ordinary announcement that His Grace
the most ReverendArchbishop of York, y
had married in st. Paul's Cathedral
'..the Right Honorable William Law
renee Hyde, X. c. B., second son of the
Earl of Clarendon, and Lady Alicia Dc
We're"
James tainted, and on recovering
went to Rome, after which, having
called on Cardinal Antonelli (who, the
reader will be surprised to learn, lived
in ''the Palazza Borghesi'O, he entered
the American College. In three
months he was graduated and was
made professor of theology. After
three years he came to this city and
was assigned to st. Stephens Church,
in East Twenty-eighth Street. Among
his other duties he was chaplain to ''the
Convent of the Visitation in Forty.
second Street." and the Hospital OF
the Alexian Brothers in Second Ave-
nue." James (now Father Chester) is
called to the Convent of the Visitation
to see a dying nun, Sister Mary Dolores.
"James Chesterr' shrieks the nun.
"Alicia De Verer yells the priest.
Lady Alicia dies and James, as usual,
faints away. 1t is all mistake. II
was Lady Alicia's first cousin who
married X. c. b. James goes crazy
and retires to gypsum cave belonging
to Jay Gould, on the outskirts of ST!
Louis, where he died last week. In his
will he left 5000 to st. Stephens
Church in this city, and 1925, 900 to the
Convent of the Visitation"
The cold and cherries truth is that
there never was any "Convent of the
Visitation" in this city, no Hospital
of the Alexian Brothers," nor any
Father Chester connected with St.
Stephens Church. Priests who were
educated at the American College in
Rome say that there was never any such
man as James Chester in the College
~. Y Tribune,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
A Great American.

The universal prevalence of the colo
NAL spirit is shown most strongly by
one great exception, just as the flash OF
lightning makes us realize the intense
darkness of thunderstorm at night.
In the midst of the provincial and bar.
rem waste of our intellectual existence
in the eighteenth century there stands
out in sharp relief the luminous genius
of Franklin. 1t is true that Franklin
was cosmopolitan in thought, that his
name and fame and achievements in
science and literature belonged to man.
kind; but he was all this because he
was genuinely and intensely American.
His audaeity, his fertility, his adapta-
bility, are all characteristic of America,
and not of an English colony. He
moved with an easy and assured step,
with poise and balance which nothing
could shake, among the great men OF
the world; he stood before Kings and
Princes and cOurtfers unmoved and
unawed. He was strongly averse tc
breaking with England; but when the
war came he was the one man who
could 60 forth and represent to Europe
VIC lev udtioudiity WlluOul tOucH Vi
the colonist about him. He met them
all, great Ministers and great Sover.
eigns, on common ground, as if the
colonies of yesterday had been an in
dependent nation for generations. His
autobiography is the cornerstone, the
first great work of American literature.
The plain, direct style, almost worthy
of Swift, the homely, forcible language,
the humor, the observation, the knowl-
edge of men, the worldly philosophy OF
that remarkable book, are familiar to
all; but its best and, considering its
date, its most extraordinary quality is
its perfect originality. It is American
in feeling, without any faint of English
colonialism. Look at Franklin in the
midst of that excellent Pennsylvania
community; compare him and his
genius with his surrounding and YOU
get a better idea of what the colonial
spirit was in America in those days, and
how thoroughly men were saturated
with it, than in any other way.-Henrg
Cabot Lodge, in atlantic Monthly.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
Wouldn't Tell.

The old squatter's spirit. A gentle
man while driving along in buggy
came to very muddy, not to say dam
gerous, place in the road. Seeing an
old man sitting on fence, he called
out:
-"My friend, I'm bothered here"
$50 am l."
swell, then, we are in the same boat
What's the matter with your"
"Shot at man."
"Why does it bother you?"
"'Cause l didn't hit him."
"WhO was the man."
''My sOn-in-law."
"Why did you shoot at him?"
"'Cause l stole his jug, an shot to
keep him from shootin'."
'.But, as l was saying, am bothered
here. l don't know which side of the
road to take. / am afraid that my
horse will mire down. Which is the
best side?"
BLAMED if l know"
(Which side would You take?''
1.-The cheapest.
"Here, now, no fooling. I want to
know which side"
That's none of my business"
The traveller, irritated up to the dam
ger line, drew a pistol, leveled it at the
man on the fence, and said: Jump
down and show me the best road, or
I'll shoot the top of your head Off"
Certainly, sir, he said, anything to
oblige you. If I'd er knowed that you
was in sich earnest fit, I'd told you
early this mornin'. Why didn't you
send boy on ahead with one of these
here telegraph dispatches? You remind
me of an old Teller that lives over here
at the bend. Nearly all of the boys say
he's good un. $50 you want to know
the best side of the road here, and the
beauty about the thing is that you are in
earnest. 1t is only these earnest men
that set the forks of the creek afire.
Say, do you know Big Goose Greek
| fOrks?"
"Look here" again leveling the. pis.
tol, 81 want you to hurry up and show
me the best side of the road. l don't
want to ruin my horse and lose my
buggy. 1t wouldn't take a minute to
tell me-"
"Yes, I'm hurrying up" continuing
to move around, "but You see a mans
got to think these days. There was a
time when man what thought much
wasn't respected in the neighborhood,
and that is the reason why the folks over
my way didn't care so much for my so.
ciety until lately. Let me see which
side, now. don't want to make mis-
take. Well, sir, up where the Big
Goose Greek forks is where my father
used to fish, and when was a boy had
the dingest fight there you ever seed,
but good day." and leaping the fence,
and keeping tree between himself and
the traveller, he ran away. All of thi:
unnecessary work was done to keep
from saying to the right or to the left Of
the road.-ArkansaW Trareler.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

The Catholics, of Spain number
$4,000, 900, and have 100000 magnificent
churches.
I The census of missions to be taken
next year will, it is estimated, show an
increase of 200, 900 native Christians in
India, Ceylon and Burmah for the last
ten years-5o0, 900 in all. =.
We are insulting the Lord when we
hire men and women to sing his praises
who take his name in vain and scoff at
him as soon as they are safely out OF
the church limits.-Watchman.
The lady who has had charge for
many years of the Woman's Art School
of the Cooper Institute, New York, writes
long letter to the Critic describing
Peter Cooper's almost daily visits to the
elass-rooms, and showing how keenly
he was interested in the good work OF
the school.
1t has been decided to postpone the
general conference of the Evangelical
Alliance appointed for 1883, in Stock
holm, Sweden. 1t will be held in Sep
tember, 1884 The postponement was
at the request of Bishop Beckman. who
thought the holding of the State church
diet in the same month would interfere
with the conference.
I'm Miles City, M. T., the Metho-
dists believe in receiving contributions
from anybody, whether good or bad,
who is disposed to give. They place
contribution-boxes in the drinking sa.
ICONS, and some of the patrons of those
establishments drop q coin or two in
whenever they take a drink. The
customers do of drink.
Without some system of rewards to
show the progress of the pupils, school
is dead. Issue weekly or monthly re-
ports. Be punctual to the moment in
opening and closing school-in begin
ming and ending recitations. Get a
good, ringing bell on your school house.
Keep the premises neat and attractive,
and the children enthusiastic.-JOurna(
of Education.
DIR. Schaff gives the following ex-
PLANTATION of the great falling off in the
sale of the Revised New Testament:
ga reaction was sure to come. 1t is es-
fimated that about 5, 0O0, 900 copies were
sold-2,0OO,0 900 in England and 1,0OO,-
900 in America. This is not small sale
for book which may be called a new
edition of an old work. Another OBJ
stacle to its immediate acceptance by
the public is that the work has nc
sanction of authority as yet. The con-
vocation of Canterbury will not pass
upon the revision until both Testaments
are finished. Then it may authorize OF
<-o,acf ~
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
Diplomatic Etiquette.

Chinese punctillo is trying to most
Europeans, and many will rejoice tG
hear of the triumph of the German Min
lister, Herr Won Brandt, over the Tsung.
Ii Yamen. A German ship was plum
dered by Chinese pirates about year
ago. The provincial authorities refused
redress. The matter was brought before
the Yamen and clearly proved. The
German Minister then said to Wang
Ta-jen-now in disgrace for bribery:
ITO save delay. send a telegram. Let
tiers take so long" Whereupon Wang,
who did not like the duty at all, said
impossible; not even in the darkest
days of the Chon dynasty were kilograms
sent. Deliberation is necessary, and
the discussion between our two nations
must be ceremonious. Besides, can
not consent to agitate the minds of the
local officers by sudden order. Let
tiers shall be prepared and sent and all
will go well. Allow me to tell Your Elk.
cellency that patience is quality of a
superior man." Herr Won Brandt took
the lesson and bided his time. This
came in the beginning of the year. A
messenger arrived at the Consulate in
hot haste to announce from the Yamen:
"a German frigate has landed guard
on Chinese soil at Swallow. This is an
unheard-of irregularity. Be good enough
to wire instantly to the Captain, telling
him to take himself, his guard and his
frigate out of that, and the Yamen will
settle the rest with you here" To
which the German Minister replied:
ITO refuse the Yamen's request gives
me indescribable anguish; but to send
\ telegram is impossible. The sages
Puffendorf and Grotius would rise from
their graves to haunt me were to do so.
Besides, the nerves of a Captain in the
German army cannot be agitated by a
telegram. No, Excellency, 1 cannot
comply with your request. By and
by shall by post receive details of the
Swallow case. These shall be carefully
considered, and 1 will then deliver
solemn judgment. Be patient, TaJen,
and all will 60 well. Everything shall
be done tremendously and with delib-
GRAFTON, as your wise men advise. Be
pleased to receive the assurance OF
my distinguished consideration" -&.
James Gazette.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
A Tidal Wave.

The Weymouth & Channel Islands
Steam Packet Company's mail steamer
Aquila. which left Weymouth at her
usual hour, twelve o'clock, on Friday
night for Geurnsey and Jersey, on her
passage across the channel encountered
very curious and dangerous phenome.
non. The weather was calm and clear
and the sea was smooth, when about
one hour out, and with the shambles
light still in sight, the steamer was
struck most violently by successive anC
mountainous seas, which sent her or
her beams and swept her decks from
stem to stern. The water Immediately
flooded the saloon, ladies' cabin, fore
cabin and engine-room, entering through
the skylightS, the thick glass of which
was smashed into small fragments. The
lamps in each of these places were ex
tinguished and smashed, and the floors
to some depth were covered with water
The passengers were greatly alarmed
and as soon as possible they received
orders to come on deck and shortly
afterwards they were to be seen scramb
ling over the debris which strewed the
decks. Every one was pale with fright
while in the panic and confusion which
prevailed neither sailors nor passengers
could for a moment tell what really
was the matter. One man was heard
to exclaim that the vessel was fas,
making water and would probably soon
go down. On sounding the pumps, how.
consequently confidence that no further
danger was at hand seemed to be assured
As the decks became clear of water Tx
actual damage became apparent. TIE
bulwarks were found to be broken III
several places, one of the paddle-boxol
considerably damaged, the iron rail on
the bridge was considerably twisted, the
pump was broken and rendered useless
the skylight of the ladies' cabin wal
completely gone, and the saloon sky
tight was smashed to atoms. Two large
cases of plate-glass consigned to Jersey
were smashed to pieces, and one among
several slabs Of Bath stone weighing
about half ton each was broken to bits
Two coops containing fowls vert
washed overheard. The stewardess
who reports being occupied at reading
at the time, was Knocked down across
the cabin and was covered so thickly
with broken glass and other debris that
she was unable to move till it was taken
from off her. The steward was stand
ing in the companion-way when the
force of the water drove away one of its
sides, and he was thrown down stairs,
receiving cut across the forehead. A
seaman who was forward when the SEES
struck, fortunately clutched one o. the
davis and states that otherwise he
would have been washed overheard.
when the second sea struck he thought
he could not hold on no longer, from the
force of the surrounding wafer. 1t ap
pears that the Aquils was not able to
shake herself clear of the FIRST wave
when the second one came upon her
and the Captain states that had another
followed he fears she must have foun.
dered. The cabins were baled out with
buckets, while tarpaulins were placed
over the skylights for protection. For.
tunately nobody was seriously injured.
Five minutes after the waves had struck
the steamer the sea became perfectly
ealm.-London News.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11

Queen Margaret, who speaks four
languages perfectly, and has none Of
Kings constitutional shyness, is really
remarkable for the tact and grace with
which she contrives to say the right
thing to the right person: The Countess
Can American Catholic lady married
to a man of high rank here-told me
the other day that, after having a pri-
vate audience with the Queen, she had
remained quite astonished at the mem
DRY she displayed of all the characters
tics of persons whom perhaps she only
saw in the more formal reunions of the
court. The Count and Countess c., it
may be observed in passing, are of the
liberal modern school of Catholics, who
find the performance of their religious
duties quite compatible with a display
of respect for the reigning sovereign.
After a pleasant little conversation with
Countess C. in English (Which the
Queen speaks PERFECTLY, Queen Mar
garet said: "And your husband, what
does he chiefly occupy himself with?''
"Well, your Majesty, at present nothing
seems to interest him more than the
building of the large new barracks in
our quarter of the town."
"Ahw exclaimed the Queen, "Iwould
have predicted that. l always say to
the King, when Count c. meets us out
driving, that, from his mere mode OF
saluting, am certain he is more vieuS
militaire than anything else, and that
his heart is with the army"
But the Queen displayed still greater
proof of that keen memory of details sc
valuable to royalty on the recent occa-
sion of the presentation to her of the
English Admiral, Sir Erasmus Om-
nancy, who was here for the carnival
season with his family. She said: 81
know your name very well, Admiral
for, apart from your distinguished ser.
vices, 1 remember that you were in
command of ship at Gibraltar the first
time that my brother, the Duke Of
Genoa, touched there, and that you
showed him great kindness and atten'
tion."
Sir Erasmus himself told me sOor
after the interview that he was quite
struck with admiration, not only of the
grace and tact with which she. said eX
actly what was likely to be most pleas
ing to him, but at the fact of her pro
digious memory for details, which
might well have been forgotten in thu
passage of time.-Rome Cor. Boston
Herald.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
can in the fasbionable world" rs.

-"All in the fashionable world, says
London Life, will remember that some
months ago charming and accom-
plished young lady met with fright
full accident through her dress catching
fire. So severe were her injuries thai
life was despaired of, and the officiating
clergyman of well-known West End
church was sent for to administer
spiritual consolation to one believed to
be moribund. To him the lady said:
AS i know that am dying, have q
secret l will disclose to you only. j
love you with my whole heart The
prompt reply was: You must not die,
but live to be my wife, am glad to
add that this week the lady was mar
ried 10 the object of her affections.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A Polish novelist has written SOC
stories. No one thought so man stories
could be put on one pole.-N. O. Plea
yune.
=; "A poet says: 80 summer land! o,
sunny South! L turn to thee! 1 open
my mouth and drink thy fragrance
once again. Fragrance in the Sunny
South costs about ten cents drink,
and its other name is Old Rye.-Chi-
cago Times.
The skeleton of Pilot, the defunct
elephant, should have been purchased
by a Jerseyman and turned into sofa.
Why? Because where malaria is prev.
alent little bone-settee in the house is
very desirable.-N. 7. Commercial Ad-
certiser.
Are your domestic relations agree
;ables" asked Judge of colored wit
ness. whats dat conjunction boss?n
81 ask are your family ties pleasant"
s.Wall, no sab. When oman ties a
man when he's drunk an whips him
till he's sober, doan' think dat it's
pleasant sah."
He was man who would weigh at
least three hundred pounds, and when
he said to his small friend, at whose
Office he called on his way down town,
.'rll drop in on you when return, !"
the little man exclaimed: s'Gosh" and
tainted away.-N. Y. Journal.
AT a recent meeting of the lady
managers of Troy local charity a
question came up as to the admission
of an applicant over eighty years OF
age, when one of the managers arose
and said: II am opposed to the adj
mission of any octagons into this insti-
tuition. Troy IN. Y. Times.
Dear, DEAR" exclaimed Mrs. Shod-
dygenteel at her last party, THAT care
less French cook has burnt the plum
pudding. forgotten to make charlotte
russo, and dropped salt in the ice cream;
but never mind, we shall have some
thing for dessert, anyway. Mary,
bring in the dried apple pie. Chicago
Herald.
"A young woman, seventeen years
of age, eight feet ten inches high, and
still growing, is on exhibition in En-
gland Her name is Marian Wedde.
A punster provokes the wrath of a
Iong-suffering public by proclaiming
that when she grows up and is ready to
Wedde, some aspiring living skeleton
or other human monstrosity will be
Marian her.
mo SIR" said the Colonel defiant
ly, mo sir. This idea of prayer cure
is infinite bosh; it is supreme absurdity.
Now look at me; do you suppose all
the praying in the world could do me
any good?h And the pastor, who is a
very conscientious man, sighed deeply,
and sadly replied that he did not be-
ieve it would. And yet the Colonel did
not seem to be very happy over.the ad-
mission. Detroit Post.
ID thought you had sworn off, -
said a Jerseyman to Greenwich Street
merchant whom he met coming out Of
a saloon. $50 did; but have good
reason for taking something" ''What
is itP' Because detest cranky mu-
sic" ''Why, what do you mean?''
swell, 1 see in morning paper that
the water which I've been drinking is
full of organic matter, and if / keep on
swallowing it my soul will absorb all
its vital musical elements. Hence, this
apparent breaking of my resolution. -
They viii hereafter meet as strangers.
m y Mail.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
One recent morning Kate Slocum.

One recent morning Kate Slocum.
q pretty Florida girl, stood at the door
of her fathers house watching the ris-
ing sun just peeping above the tree tops.
Paddy, the gardner, came whistlins
along the road at that moment, and as
he was passing Kate cloud for mo.
ment obscured the orb of day. ''Sure,"
said Pat, with bow and a smile, as he
lifted his hat, "when the sun beyant
caught sight of your eyes he was jeal.
GUS and ashamed and hid himself
away" Did any gallant ever say
prettier thing?
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11

The famous race-horse Kincsem,
which was never beaten in any race,
was shot the other day in London with
its foal, having been taken i'll of gland.
ers. She won fifty-four races, but was
lately withdrawn from the turf. Ten
thousand pounds were several times
offered for Kincsem.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11

AS growth with the calves is a
greater object than fat, food that will
produce muscle and bone is more de-
sirable than one which produces flesh.
Therefore oats and bran are esteemed
better food for growing calves than
,orn and bran.-Chicog0 Journal.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11
A Deputy Sheriff named Hess trea

"A Deputy Sheriff named Hess treat
ed Chinaman condemned to death in
California, not long since, SO kindly
that he said he should report him to
POO Sot," the s'Great Savior" and
persuade him to send for Hess. When,
a few days after, Hess died suddenly Of
heart disease, the Chinese believed thai
Sing Lum had kept his word and thai
the Angel of Death had been sent TO,
IasS
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11

Take Notice" is the name of Q
new town in Idaho. If it wasn't for
the name some people might not see
The single saloon which constitutes tLf
ace.-DetrOH Free Press
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11

Jefferson wrote that '.great cities
are pestilential to the morals, health
and liberties of man." and to-day every
body is swarming into great cities, no;
encouraging for the future.-M =
San.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11

In a private collection of curiosities
b Maine there is a large SILVER spoon
which represents all the money paid
lor building a saw and grist mill. the
oayment having been made in silver
y6ich was melted down and cast into
The spoon.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-05-11

A party of burglars invaded the
town of Essex, Mass, mounted on
aoiseless bicycles. the other night, en-
tered number of houses. and rode of
nth considerable plumber, without hav.
nag awakened any Of the inhabitants