The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1883-09-20

from ,he burlington Hawkcya.j

Carr. WEBB was like great many
other men who 90 into business o. the,
trllst-to-l,ck principle. He gN sucked
in.
KING kALaKAuA doesn't want anr
more Chinese immigrants. We don't
know iilss low the Chimes, feel about
going to the Sandwich, Is'anls, but We
think ii they can stand il, tho natives
most certainly coal'l.
IN Michigan citizen is allowed by
law to haze lli- will probatcl during
his lifetime. What that State needs i,
u society for tho prevention Of cruelty
to lawyers
New HAMPSHIRE records one divorce
for every ten marriages, ard in five
terms. covering fifteen months, the St.
Louis courts granted 1000 divorces.
1t looks rs though it was only qucs-
ton OF time when this great land would
get itself most successfully married.
LAST ycar 0lO Iowa mothers gave
birth To twins. And yet tho Presiien-
tial lightning hasn't struck this State
once, although two or three great and
good men lave been walked about In
the storm. with umbrellas, and holding
their lightning rods high up in the dis
turbcd atmosphere.
from the Oil City Derric..l
"How TO Attain tho Life Beyond is
the title Of ;O-cent book, We don't
want to listarb the authors right 10 u
monopoly Of the book; but, rs he failed
to mention the toy pistol and the early
apple, we think lie did not exhaust his
subject.
4 sion ut Titusville reads, Buffalo
Meat Market Investigation proved
| that there was no buffalo meat in the
shop, never had been and never would
be. This is another instance OF the
failure of signs in wet weather.
| "MY first-born has gone into the fish
| business remarked a man who is IN
| the habit of carrying n 6-mcnths -old
child around the room from dark to
daylight. "How so? asked his friend.
He was raising walls all last night,
was the reply.
The petrolea Topic sighs for brass
band. The Topic man knows not what
he asks. The next thing he will CRY
for will probably be a visitation OF the
cholera.
The present style Of beginning nd.
vertising paragraphs with quotations
from standard poets is real cute. II
quite upset us yesterday to begin to
read: ITO him who in the love o.
nature holds communion with hcl
visible forms, she speaks various lam
guage,' and to find recommendation
right there to get our cigars Mt Danben
speck's.
An iron manufacturer, speaking o
the state of the market, says that there
is better feeling in pig He neglected
to mention it, but there is also good
feeling in sheep. They feel more com
Portable this hot weather, since shear
ing.
from Carl rre.zels wcekly.l
Close ouarters-Those in the hand
OF miser.
/ The place Of eternal rent-The un
advertised store.
AMAN in search Of whisky factor,
1s on II still hunt.
WHEN is mans head lcvela Whel
his legs have been knocked out iron
under him.
The man who is always on time i
prompt, but the drum-ma.or of bal
is promptcr.
WHEN man spells cucumber with
a it cannot be said that he has lost hi
Cue even for spell.
Goops that have remained en- han,
until tho cost mark is oblitWated, ar
remarkable goods.
WHY is a Chinese gong like some 9
our big men? Because it makes
frightful noise, and that's all there
OF it,
THE parrot is said to be grea
talker, but our barber can diseoun
him.
THE loafcr can shine in society il II
will continue to wear his 3-ycar-ol
broadcloth clothes.