Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1883-06-14
SPOOPRNDYER.
IEe buys . Printing Press and TTys to
Hun It, WIN DIsastraua NesaIts.

Hun IL, with DISASTROUS Results.
Spoopendykc came home one night
bringing "a small bundle In his arms.
"lts printing press. on which ex-
pect to do all my own printing here
after" he said.
"Oh, but isn't that lovely" huttered
Mrs. Spoopendyke, dropping the stork
and rushing to her husbands side, "and
cant we do the loveliest things with 1t!
1t is the kind that the Heraid and sun
and all those papers are printed with.
"Oh, yes. Mrs Spoopcndyke,
growled her husband, you've hit it ex-
actIy This is theycry kind Igot Mr..
Bennett to kindly try it on, 50 AS TO get
1t the same size as the Hcrah is print
ed on"
And will you print papers with
yours like Mr.. Bennett and the other
editors?" continued Mrs. Spoopendykc
timidly.
"Oh, but won't !, thought" yelled
her husband. at needed dOd gastcd
female idiot to think OF that, you've
struck the proper plan. Think you
can print 50xGO show bills with 3xi
press? Well. tell We that We can't.
Gan ye get it into your measly head
that this is a card press. and can only
print card three inches 10y four
inches
well" said Mrs. Spoopcndykc, a
suppose YOU can print visiting cards on
it,"
"Ycs, Mrs. Spoopcndykc. can" said
her husband in softer tone, and he
grew in much better humor as he
proceeded t. show his wife the press
and exhibit his de1tcrity in the use Of
thu pc and the press.
At last he got his worthy helpmcets
name set up in type, and proceeded TO
put the chase on the press with grand
flourish. But in an evil hour he had
forgotten to key it up. and at a touch
the whole business went 10 pi, and at
tho next fell in a confused mass all
over the carpet.
"Why. what makes It do that" said
Mrs. Spoopendykc, laughing.
what makes 1t do what. Mrs. 5. r"
snccrcd her husband rs he hit his head
on a corner Of a table in a mad dive
after the type. What dye s'posc
makes It DO IT, What makes anything
DO anything If / had your talent for
asking idiotic question, IA get glass
Of beer and thrcc-inch paper collar.
and live out rs prosecuting attorncy.
BY this time the worthy gentleman
had got the name set up and securely
fastened, aud was printing with great
gusto; but he had unfortunately. set
the types in wrong order, and the first
eight p"rfumcd visiting cards came
ont like the following:
.ogydncy,arS I'M
when Mrs ~pnopcnIykc saw it she
set mp q little scream, ooh. isn't that
funny. though: What makes it wrong
side upt"
Funny" howlci her husband, with
horril dcrision as he grasped the stu
alton. Its perfect thundcrbolt Of
fun. It's the most delicious humorous
thing Of the century, All you need is
an advertisement Of liver pills on the
cover. and a Joke about a goat on the
first page. to hc a comic almanac.
With your appreciation Of humor. all
you need is a broad grin and 5000
worth Of stolen diamonds. to bc the
leading comc,licnne Of the American
boards. Can't You see the mcasly
types turned wrong? They have only
got 20 be turned round the other way
After half an hour Of diligent labor
the types were again in position, Sc
curely keyed up, and put on the press.
When the final arrangements were
completed. Mr. Spoopendykc turned
round to wink at the baby and incau-
tiously left his thumb over the edge Of
the press. As luck would have it.
Mrs. Spoopcndyke. in her anxiety to
show her husband how well she under
stood and appreciated the press, brought
the lever down and the press closed on
that Ccntlcman's thumb. making him
jump four feet high. and utter an ex-
clamation that would have made the
second lieutenant Of company Of
pirates blush. "Dod gast the measly
printing press" he shrieked, as he
smashed the base burner with IL, and
then he threw II in the alley. Haven't
We got any sense scarcely? Why didn't
YOU 90 on with the entertainment