The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-11
PICKED ANp rILTEREp.

fFccm0n--'N Now thAt YOU are engaged 10
the girl, suppose that YOU have discovered
some subtle affinity, some magnetic inuu'
ence that wilt forever bind"
Amory-"Oh, yes, indeed I've only
known her week and yet found that We
both adore lemon.water ice and we posi-.
lively loathe olives.
A customer from the back woods called
at a local dry goods store and bswled out
" ! wanter KIT II pair 0l them muskeeter kid
gloves for gal The clerk showed HIM
the muSquetalrre style, and the customer
said "Hhem's UNI. Now give us pair
thatu tit u Decentralization gal, who's
slender as u tenCe-ail.'
A Philadelphia man went to Niagara
falls, and on arriving at the depot asked
hackmau what he woald charge 20 take
him to the river bank. After hearing the
rates he took II return train and will con-
tlnue around the world until he lands ON
the Canada side, Save money when you
can, is his motto.
Jones declares that his wife is the most
thrifty woman he ever knew. "Why, sir,n
he recently exclaimed. "sLe has made ten
patchwork quilts during the last two years
made them herself, sir, ont OF the samples
she collected In her shopping tours during
that time.
For the sake of doing something unusual
and being talked about. there are men who
would attempt to get up IA subscription ior
the relief OF those who had lame thumbs,
caused by the labor OF cutting coupons
from their own government bonds.
Rev. DIR. Hall said that eve rock was
sermon, when II boy was stealing apples
from MIR. Halls orchard. When the boy
father subsequently asked him why he
limped, he replied that he was struck with
one OF Mr.. Hall 5 sermons.
If poor old Job had been afflicted with as
many boils as there have beSn Jokes made
about his aillicuou, he would have turned
his face TO the wall and kicked of more
! plaster III minute than mason could
have put on in month.
The foolish man toldeth his hands and
saith; There is no trade, why should ad,
Vertiset' But the wise man is not 80. He
whoopeth 1t up In the newspapers, and
verify he draweih trade from aiar.
A society for the assistance Of those who
are poor and do not wish TO let the fact
be known has been organized. The Pride.
Soothing association would be good
name.
"oh, pa, said young lady, "why don't
you get fir tree2' II would be so economi.
Cal TO raise our own iurs, land then We
could raise whatever kind we wlsh.n
The poet who declared that earth had
nothing softer than than woman's heart
evidently knew nothing of the head of the
dry goods clerk who came to see uer.
y Troy minister announces that he ba.
lost all confidence in hellh We know
some other clergymen that have, but they
are not too Tree To confess il
II is not lawful for you to shoot the nc
cursed Mailman who howls and makes sucl
d racket at about u. M, unless you mis-
take him Tor "a burglar.
The truthful painter will not herealte
represent Spring as an ethereal being il
llght and airy costume, but as a shiyerin,
mortal with an ulster on
a st. Louis man imagues he has been /,
heaven. The only thing we can't under
; stand is how he happened to stop over in 81
Louis on his return trip.
1t VAS Cincinnati young lady, who
when she was presented with pair o
opera. glasses, asked how in the world sh
was to keep them on.
: VIII. n the hen with the chickens attacke,
the small boy in mothers yard, the hen in
formed him she had been laying for hin
for some time.
: Prisoner, what motive inspired you L
,, poison your accomplice" "Well, you see
your honor, wished to purchase hi
. silenceln
7 A bank president left southern tow
the other day forever, without taking
! cent OF the banks money with him. II
died.
my Husbands Secret" was written by
lady. 1t isn't the first instance on record {
n lady giving her husbands secrats awav I
! the public.
= Pap, did Washington never tell liel
mo, son; he didn't" Then | guess h
. never went to school any,"
Many of the cigars labeled key West,
|. bear Key-Wesi.ionable resem blance to
!, dried cabbage.
/ A mans lot is not happy one, If 1t is
a swamp lot.