Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-03-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMoR.
When one gets SO much humility
that he Is proud of it, he is just too
good to live.
The poster plays truly neutral
part during a political campaign it
is always on the fence.
A man. being tormented with corns,
kicked his foot through g window.
and the pane was gone.
Gen Tom Thumb lost his trunk at
the Milwaukee fire: and he made as
much fuss about it as Jumbo would
have made.
Liberalism is creeping into all
churches; but the poor preachers
notice that it has not vet struck the
contribution box.
If every tree is known by its fruit,
what kind of fruit does an axletree
bear71I Philadelphia Press. Well,
all kinds in season if it belongs to a
huckstsl's wagon.
An exchange says that "to wear
patched clothes is no disgrace" but it
looks like sin struck with club. and
We wouldn't do it if-if we were en-
gagged in any other business.
One of the highest offices in the
United States has been given to a
poor young man in the employ of
the Signal Corps. His duty is to keep
record of the wind that blows over
Pixies Peak
HAS your dog got feas?" asked a
gentleman on the street the other day
OF Aminidab. well, I can't Just tell,
now. He had last week; but rather
suspect now that the fieas have got
the dog. It's nip and tuck, anyway"
Young lsdy, writing a love letter
for the kitchen maid. "That's about
enough now, isn't it?" Maid: "One
thing more, miss: just say please ex-
cuse bad spellin' and writin'."
Mark Twain failed to answer let
ter written to him by Sergeant Bal
lantine. After waiting a reasonable
time, the latter was SO exasperated at
not receiving an answer that he mailed
Twain a sheet of paper and postage
stamp. as gentle reminder. Mr..
Clemens wrote back on postal:
"Paper and stamp received; please
send an envelope"
A man in gaping dislocated his Jaw.
A surgeon restored the bone to the
proper position and made his charge,
which the man thought too high, and
refused to pay. The surgeon changed
the conversation and soon told his
best story. The patient laughed so
heartily that the bone became again
displaced, and the surgeon reset it
after receiving payment in advance.
A Nashville negress arrested for
some misdemeanor, asked the court
to release her as she wanted to get
her baby out of pawn. On being
questioned she said there were places
IN that city where babies were taken
IN pawn, and returned, on payment
OF the sum advanced with Is cents a
day interest; but she would not re-
veal a name of any of these dealers.
Poor fellow! he died in poverty"
said man of a person lately de-
ceased. "That isn't anything" ex-
claimed a seedy bystander. "Dying
IN poverty is no hardship. It's living
IN poverty that puts the thumbscrews
on fellow.
A gentleman at the theater sits be-
nind lady who wears a very large
nat. EXCUSE me, madam: but unless
you remove your hat I can see abso-
iutely nothing" Lady ignores him.
Excuse me, madam, but unless YOU
remove your hat something unpleas-
ant will happen" Lady ignores him
again. Gentleman puts on his own
nat. Loud cries from the audience:
Take oft that hatr' take off that
nat!' Lady thinks they mean her
mai, and removes it. "Thank you,
madam"
The comedian, John Mackay,
rather surprised Memphis orchestra
the other day, according to the Mem
PMS Avalanche, of that CITY: "Nhen
the curtain fell on the first act of
fop at the matinee yesterday" says
that paper, "the music went out to
get some beer. The barkeeper must
nave been slow in serving the bever-
age, Tor the director of the orchestra
and his assistant did not get back in
time. When they were again in their
places, John Mackay walked to the
1ootlights. and regarding them with
benevolent smile, remarked. Don't
90 out again, boys. I'll have it sent
to you. The audience roared, and
John retired with his usual Boston
guide"
After the Revolution of 1S4S. an
amiabie Socialist took refuge in Gen
eva, where lie began the publication
OF weekly paper devoted to promul-
eating the great idea of the equal
division OF all property.
In due course relative of the ro-
former died and left him n lecoov of
$4,000 francs.
The paper appeared as usual next
week, put there had III the meanwhile
been slight modification of the pro
prietor's programme.
:. All property should be equally
divided" he wrote, share and share
alike when its value exceeds $4,000
francs!'
A Cincinnati sparrow killed mouse