The Ottawa free trader., 1883-05-26
WIT AND HUM0R.
A Boston girl describes statue AS a
bust with two legs under it.
Atlanta has a female barber whose


sign reads:
Man wants but little hair below,
Nor wants that little long.
The type Fighter: the proof reader. -
Hartford Daily Times. If yours does
he's n jewel. Raise his salary and
chain him up nights.
my little Lily. which do you love
best. mamma or this big bag of can
dyP" Il love best mamma, who gives
me the big bag of candy
The Reno New Ga.ette says there
is in its Office pet crow that chcws to-
bacco. A case of quid pro crow, as 1t
were.-LVc
Now that we are all familiar with the
new "crushcd strawberry red, VIII
some genius give us the ''maShed biue-
berry blue?"
"When man lies, =" remarks an eX-
change. ..the devil laughs" When n
woman lies the devil hasn't time to
laugh. He's too busy putting up some
other woman to catch her in it.
Ayoung lady applying for situation
as II teacher in Spencer County, Ken
tucky, in reply to Il question, said: Il
amt much of arithmeticker, but am
an elegant grammarcst
Miss Marian, of Germany. is II years
old, 8 feet . inches high, and weighs
$50 pounds. What mother-in-law
that girl will make when she gains eX-
perence.
Here is terrible innovation. Girls
in an Iowa college are taught to cock!
a. e, m
q marriageablc woman will actually
know how to keep house.
"Are you married, my dear?" asked
an old gentleman of Il pretty girl with
whom he chanced to be sitting in rail
road carriage. "No,' said she; but I've
sued fellow for breach of promise.
The reason why woman cannot sue
ceed us well as men in the walks of life
is because when she is on the walks one
hand is unually employed in holding up
the dress.
A young man in love has as much pa
tience as Il cat, and that's saying good
deal when we remember that Il cat will
set upon the backyard fence and sing
Marian for six weeks at time when
he feels lonely.
Il never 90 to a temperance hotel, "
once said Artemas Ward, ''they sell
such poor liquor there The Boston
G5obe thinks that Artemas was from
Maine. and knew what he was talking
about.
"Gentcman, toast Fill your
glasses. May the rich sparkle of the
wine the delicate flavor BE con-
tinued in our nccks," suggested one Of
the guests, and the toast was imbibed
slowly.
Can any of YOU children tell me
why Adam fcll?' said Mr.. DuSenbury,
as he was addressing the children in
the Sunday school. Banana peel!"
yelled little Willie Jobbs as he slid
quickly out of the back door.
The skeleton of an enormous animal
has been found in Wyoming territory.
The jaw measures eleven feet in length.
The original occupant of the bones was
probably sort of geological congress-
man.
Brethren, lend us your ears. Mrs.
Lille DcvereauX Blake says that some
of the men in this State are mo better
than cornstalks." If this be true, Mrs.
b., then
Woan iS 5hS s slnu9nS @ pmmPkinI PfsIr vlhe Hnth .tr
wban Ioadvillo ron fol in love-
with woman and swore he would kill
himself unless She married him, the
gentle creature bouoht a pistol for him.
He r,rried ont tbe promise and shot
himself \ Lcadyillc woman will do
nnvthinc for n man who loves her.
:, A.. D,, ,,o,, ,.,..,,
-I,o' t,;aI ';aiH hu ~, ''oto' f ,.;'i
nTu,'leS Thn 'i.'liou f,, g"t. H, :" htd
imu ~ rsM ,,o', ,cL itN., - I P,nF'o at,o
Sn"p', 'i'' Glui,H G 's'., fna. '' i' r thn
"no'n'L ,""n ~ ~ wv ic",.'' S ~ ~ ol,' ,, o,
,toI; E ,,nM '' i1o LG, Inf, ''' ''' ''''' 0'''
" I-,'i'f'' WV
eyes. says Mrs. F"f|e'I"' "N"'H
husband used to shovel pravel in Cali
fornia yes. our house is furnished in
The very latest Aunt Teck ,tylo from
TOP to bottom. You know nv husband
keeps up with tine times. if it takes -
leo. =
ANorth Carolina woman. lifty-thrcc
years old. has bought y pair of spccta-
lo, .,,,l !; ,,,i,,o, 10 eohnol tn lnoru to