The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-19
WIT AND HUMOR,

~
he dogs, he is quickly bounded down
Mrs. Partngton, dear old lady, says
hat there are very few people nova
lays who suffer from suggestion OF the
Drain y
An Iowa editor, being asked by u cor
respondent II hogs paid, has looked over
Ms subscription list. and decided that
hey do not,
I'm saddest when sing lamcnted
he poet, but ii he could have sung for
IS, 600 n night he would doubtless have
)ecn saddost when he couldn't sing.
Patti SAYS music belongs to heaven,
out the Rochester PoSt-ErpreSS thinks
s5 900 n night IA hades of price to pay
or it.
Aberdeen has granite enough to sup
bly, every person in Great Britain with
, tombstone, and is rather anxious to
10 ii.
"Are you Owen Brown?n asked
Harlem man of gentleman he met
yesterday, "Yes, | am OWN Brown,
out what business is it of yours if
mp"
The fat Pittsburgher who sat down
ipon and ilattened out a lot of tin meas
Tres at u grocery store, the other even
NO, has gone TO Colorado to accept a
position rs quartz-crusher
A man in the central Office of the tel
,phone company says that the noise
here is different from a young lady at
party, for one is n ball room belle and
he other is "A bell room bawl,
Jacob Schneider ran away with Hans
Breitenbock's wife, Upon being inter-
viewed the husband said; dot is the
1est way not to speak little about ii.
But pities Yacob Schneider.
What decoration is that you are wear
ng?n said an Austrian Sergeant to a
new recruit. The man blushed deeply
and responded; Its medal our COW
won at cattleshow, y
An Iowa woman, the other day, I'M
1ertook to drive Il tack, and not only
knocked her thumb as Hat as apancake,
out broke her seventy-dollar mirror be-
hind her.
The new license bill recently passed
by the Ohio State Legislature imposes
tax OF $500 upon spiritualistic me-
liums This is unique way 10 strike
the happy medium.
I'VE know thee, gentle spring sings
poet. Indeed, but this poet would be
good fellow to take along at q mas
luerade. He could penetrate most any
Disguise.
A belle, who six months ago was so
! Ianpuid that she could scarcely support
herself at the altar, now throws Hat
iron tiftv-six feet and hits her husband
every time.
When the minister announces, "The
collection will now be taken up, every
irish Inyincible in the congregation
instinctively rises in his seat and turns,
hat in hand, to his nearest neighbor.
When YOU see a man walking along
the public thoroughfares, with bowed
head, apparently "buried in thought
you can size him up as humorist. Any
man who is always buried in thought
never has any grave feelings.
Summer boarders that have been as
signed to the top floor of an old-fashion-
ed farmhouse for term Of weeks
unite in the opinion that such buildings
are erected on the principle Of hide
roast attCS.
"Oh, dear" exclaimed Edith TO her
doll. II do wish you would sit still.
never saw such an uneasy thing in my
life. Why don't you act like grown
people and be still and stupid for
awhile
Samuel Gum was recently arraigned
in a local court for intoXicatiOn. When
he shot his breath at the Judge the lat
ter remarked that it was evidently 4
muzze-odor, but he couldn't permit q
discharge,
He stood before her holding both hcl
hands in his and he asked softly "Whl
am like a railroad train?' ''Bccau9l
you never get anything to eat?" "Nc
ny own, it is because l hold two
wrists.
WAS at the club last night had a
oang-up dinner remarked Tom
"Ah'' said Charley, "then | suppose
you have fine headache this morning.
A headache generally follows a stuffed
club you know
What dirty coat that is, said Mrs.
Jleanly; 'it looks as though all the rag
oickers in town had had it on their
backs. y "Then | suppose" suggested
Clearly, that YOU would call it coat
II many cullers."
The average young man in New York
might as weIlemigrate. Judge Arnoux
has decided that ice cream saloons may
De kept open on Sunday. Evidently
The Judgewants to discourage gallantry
in the metropolis, - The Drummer.
Mr. Swineburne has written poem
On the death of Richard Wagner The
amount Of damages the great compos-
er's heirs will sue for is not stated: but
il is believed that it will be less than
u, 100000, anyhow.
At Sarah Bernhardt's tea the Other
day certain Count appeared with one
arm in sling, having wounded himself
while out shooting "Really?n ouotf
the sympathetic Sarah, $50 there wa.
no other game?'
Professor Swift offers 5000 IN ,ho die.