The Brookhaven leader., 1883-03-22
HUMOROUS.

Mamma, do YOU know how | get
into bed so quickP" "No, my daring;
how do your why, pu one foot
on the be and then holler 'ratsr and
scare myself right in" ~. y. Necs.
What do we give up" asks
clergyman, in abandoning liquor?"
We should say he gave up the liquor
COR one thing, and perhaps great many
consequent bowling headaches. -Aor-
rtStOUR Her"t1.
Yes" avs Mrs. Parvenu, 'whose
husband used to shovel gravel in Cali
fornia-"yes, our house is furnished in
the very latest Aunt Teck style from top
to bottom. You know my husband
keeps up with the times, if it takes
leg.-Chic go NeWs.
"A man, on being told by generous
farmer that he would give him barrel
OF cider, asked the farmer if he would
bring it to his house. Certainly re-
pl ed the farmer, '.with pleasure"
q Well" sad the e ateful man, what
will you pay or the barrel when the
cider is gone"
"A bright little three-year- likes
very much to go 10 church. and espe-
cially enjoys the singing One day the
choir sang "Ro k of ges, Clet for
Me-" and, after she got home, the little
one was heard singing, very seriously,
"Rotk the babies. kept for me. -
Nursery Taos.
Yes" said one Cortland lady to an
other, recently. my husband sold out
his store some time ago" Then he's
out of business now?" ..Oh, no. He's
in some kind of bus ness; manufactur-
ing, | guess. heard him say he was
putting up margins for PORK, the other
day. ~ J. Ledger.
Women will never be allowed to vote
until they are able to bride their
tongues. Drummer. Saddle be the
day and full of wheel and whoa when
there are no wagon tongues. VIII eh"H
Times. Sirs, single ladies might take
exceptions to your racy puns. Fort
Pam Req ,ster. Yes, it may st rrup a
row and trace o anarchy may rein.
Whitehall Times.
"A negro who had sawed some wood
for dentist found difficulty in col
lecting his two dollars but one day a
bright thought stl ucl him. Repairing
TO the dentists Office, he asked what the
CudISO was IOt CAtiNS'ihS tCOtu. n
dollar each," said the dent st. Then
pull two out for me-" But after exam
lining his mouth, the dentist told him
that all his teeth were sound Never
mind-go ahead;" and after having a
couple pulled. the darky exclaimed:
Now we are straight in our accounts.
and guess we'll stop so."-C Chicago
Times.
Colonel Percy Yerger was suddenly
seized in the midst of his family with a
very violent attack o. the cramps. "For
Heavens sa gimme swallow of
brandy" he said to his vie. as he
twisted himself in agony on the sofa.
81 haven't got any in the house." re-
pl ed his wife with appalling indifler-
snee. "You must get some. and keep
it in the house so as to prevent these at
tacks," howled Yerger. kic ing like a
mule. IF / were to keep it in the
house, old man. you would be having
these attacks all day long. The proper
way to cure you of the bad spells is
not to Keep any liquor OF any kind in
the hou.e. .h--7ezas SiftiRgs.
"A Philadelphia tenor took place
in church choir under his own name.
and in negro minstrel company at the
same time under an assumed one. But
the double salary did not last long. for
persons from the church recognized
him through the burnt cork at the show.
| and he was excluded from the choir