Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-03-28
An American in London.

Most English customs seem queer to
the newly-arrived American. Like
wise, most newly-arrived Americans
seem queer to the English When one
of my countrymen who has been well
brought up first arrives in London he
usually employs his time for the first
week in finding adjectives that are suf-
ficiently vivid to convey his opinion re-
garding matters he comes in contact
with. If an Americans education has
not been neglected, and his vocabulary
is lurid enough to be at all striking, it
is worth while to hear him go on about
English manners of life. The first thing
that strikes him on landing at Liverpool
is the custom-houSe officer. The trav-
elcr has long been under the impress
sion that England was a free-trade
nation. II is, therefore, with keen
surprise that he learns of the necessity
of unlocking his trunks and having
them searched. And there is nothing
amusing about an English customs Off
GERS search. He goes through luggage
in earnest. He turns every parcel in
side out, he unstraps bundles of letters,
he uncorks your cologne bottle and
smells it to make sure the perfumery
isn't whisky, he snorts with glee if he
sees you are annoyed, and if he can
find a piece of your linen that is par
ticulariy soiled he throws il open to the
breeze with a demoniac joy that is
simply awful to contemplate. After he
has so disarranged the pair of trousers
in which you hoped to appear adj
vantageously in London next day that
you are sure they will be unfit to look
upon, and has scattered your hosiery
all over the trunk, and mashed your
shirts out of all laundried semblancc,
and otherwise conducted himself in an
irritating and unpleasant way, he puts
you through system of cross-examin-
ing that is maddening. What he
searches for is tobacco and whisky.
When the conscientious and unbrib.
ing tourist has escaped from the custody
of the British customs officer he falls
into the hands of the British porter.
This official is stalwart son OF toll,
who seizes the trunk, throws it upon
his back, and starts off ut q brisk trot.
The tourist follows, or loses his lug
gage. The porter carries the trunk tc
? the nearest cab and losses it upon the
roof of that vehicle, which looks like
very clumsy coupe, and has an iron
fence around the top to keep parcels
from slippingoff. The tourist pays the
porter quarter of dollar, and the
''four-wheeler" rolls of to the railway
station. The vehicle is used for vari-
Gus purposes, chiefly to carry luggage
, to and from railway stations, and u
, bear smallpox patients to the hospital
It's wheels would adorn a cart of thu
public-works department of an Ameri
! can city, and its interior has the unin
, viting and antiseptic air which is al
ways impaired by hair-cloth cushions
Arrived al the midland station, you
= cabman wants just twenty-five cent
more than is his due. You blandly de
chine to pay il, and he takes what yo,
give him, but throws your trunk from
The top of his vehicle to the platform
an operation that makes the box fai
Q shudder. A porter here appears. II
I Is the second edition OF the party yo
have already interviewed in the sam
line lie wheels of your trunk an
j your bag, and you proceed to buy you
ticket to London, which is five hour
distant, price, about 81. The porte
Q puts your trunk into a little car an
/ your valise into the box you are I
travel in. You pay him twenty-fiv
cents The body OF the car is abor
seven feet high and is divided into Sc,
sral compartments, each Of which