The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1883-05-31
Wash.day at Spoopendy ke's.

Wash.day at Spo opend ykes..
= Aslim Banquet.
From the Brooklyn Eagle.
Say, my dear, J" whispered MI. spoop.
endyke, closing the door carefully and
approaching his wife with q broad grin
on his visage. "Say. my dear, Speck.e-
wottle's down stairs in the parlor. He
has come to take dinner with usl'' = ~ n.
"Great gracous!' exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and
busting up to the glass to arrange her,
hair "What did he come to-day for!
Don't he know it's wash day?"
"He came for dinner" retorted Mr..
spoopendyke. turning pale around the
lips. What do you s'pose he came for,
to be washed? What's wash day got to
do with it? Think this man can be
soaked in tub aud hung over the
clothes line with a measley wooden pin
astride the small of his back? Well, he
| didn't, he came for grub, and you want
to hustle around and get it pretty lively
for him, or I'll begin to serve up things
myself before long!
"But, my dear" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke,. "there's nothing in the
house! The clothes"
"Then serve up the clothes!" roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for
gotten the day of the week when he in
vited bis friend, and now wanted his
wife to get him out of the scrape some
how, and at the same time not let him
down with Specklewottle. "Just put the
clothes on platter and set 'em before
him. You can explain to him that we
only eat three times a week, like dog
in hot weather. That'll satisfy him, SO
long as he has the clothes to eat"
"YOu don't imagine he would want to
eat the clothes, do your" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, innocently.
"Just try himw yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, enraged at the idea of being taken
literally. "Just try him. and sling in
some of the natural grace you always
put on at the table. "Sprecklewottle, do
try one Of these fried socks. and slice
OF this pillow sham! Dear Mr.. Speckle-
Wottle. pray let me help you to a piece
Of this shirt collar and pair of stuffed
cuffs! l made them myself, and though
they are MOI as goo Ia Sc that's the way
to do it," continued Mr.. spoopendyke,
suddenly concluding his remark with a
war whoop, and pre- senting himself be-
fore his wife all out OF BREATH 'Think
you've got that bill of fare all right?
See your way to successful dinner par
ty now?"
"There's some cold shad down stairs,
and think there is raw ham in the
cellar" ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke,
regarding her husband with startled
look Of inquiry, as flashing if 'e thought
Specklewottle would mind the meat be-
ing raw and the fish a trife cold. II
don't think he has anything home on
Monday except abbage and beans. Or
perhaps he may have doughnuts and
PEE she continued, hastily, seeing her
I'm sure doughnuts and pie are good"
''That's what he wants!' howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. Bring forth the si,ad
that lroze to death in the house of Spoop-
endyke! Produce the ham with the
crumpled horn that MIXED the shad that
froze to death in the house of Spoopen-
dyke! Develop the measly banquet and
let joy be unconfned! Amt We got any
more sense than bung hole? Think Pm
going to bring the aristocracy here to
fatten on dead fish and live hogs? How
long are you going to let that man sit
down stairs in a state of starvation?
Where that roast of beef brought
home the other day?
came home," sighed Mrs. Spookendyke.
"Do you mean that roast with the queer
little sticks in it?"
''The same," replied Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, ne1ving himself for another Or
deal. "Did we eat the sticks? Am ]. to
understand that there is not one little
dodgasted stick left of all that affluviant
righteousness? Lift the impenetrable
veil of obscurlty off the secluded bower
of the shrinking sticks" he yelled, as it
dawped upon him that Spacklewottle
was in the parlor, waiting to be fed, and
that the social problem was no nearer
solution than when he started. "I4et us
unravel the mystery that hangs like a
pail over the fate of the unhappy sticks,
that they may come forth and fructify
Specklewottle," and in the excess of his
emotion Mr.. spoopendyke gasped for
knees, looked as if he were inviting his
wife to little game of leap-frog.
''There's some lettuce in the house,
and J. bought some strawberries to-day,
and could cook the steak had saved
over for breakfast" murmured Mrs.
SpooPendyke, coming out trump hantlyy
in the end, womanlike. "And I
will put on my new wine-colored
satin, and we will give him nice sup.
per-"
"Going to put the wine-colored satin
on the shall or the sham?" how!ed Mr.
Spoopendvke, who had u mans idea
that dinner is not dinner until it is
roasted. "Think I brought that man
take breakfast? Got some kind no.
tior fbof oo11 fob row hoDo uorrnu 1ot.
tuce, green strawberries and fried COW
are going to satisfy the cravings ola man
who has just won bet of a dinner on
=" but here Mr.. Spoopendyke stopped
short, The last revelation was uai?ten-
tional.
"Was it bet dear?" asked Mrs. s,,op-
endyke, opening her eyes with astOnish-
ment. Ibid you bring Mr.. Specklewot-
tie home here on a bet? If l had known
that and you had given me time, I
would have had nice supper for you.
I don't suppose that he would care for a
cold mea! under the circumstances. I
-ealiy Think"
''That settles IT, soueaied Mr.. Spoop.
ENJOY ke, mad at himself for what he had
divulged. and anyrier still a. he saw that
he must explain to Specklewottle how
he was fixed. "When you commence
to think the free list is entirely suspend
ed. Some day waen catch you think
ing, Pm going to drive spiggot in your
head and advertise science on tap; book
science q dime extra; free lunch from
IL to L."
Aad with this prospectus Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke dashed down stairs and explained
to Mr.. Speck(ewottle that, owing to Mrs.
Spoopendyke having severe headache,
they had better postpone the dinner or
20 to restaurant.
81 don't care," murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, drawing a paper of candles
from an upper bureau drawer. ~ don't
care it must have been very important
thing to bet on, when cold shad warmed
over and nice beefsteak isn't good enough
to pay it. Amy way, he'll be glad of it
for breakfast, and the next tune he
brings man here to dinner he'll pick
out some other day than Monday.
Though I expect that Mr.. Specklewottle
will 70 home and tell his wife that he
done have anything to eat here from one
weeks end to the other. Anyhow, she
ows me call, and I hear that the dress
maker disappointed her all last week, so
she won't pay much attention to what he
does sayp' and Mrs. Spoopendyke went
down to her supper of straw berries and
lettuce, while her husband took it out
with Specklewottle in fillets of beef and