Connecticut western news., 1883-09-19

splicing p
 The lawyer had to decline on the grounds of having q wife in Detroit, and the old woman felt so bad that the husband had to rise at midnight and make q mustard plaster. r.-Detroit Free Press.
 KARA AVIS.
 eff it wasn't for us plumbers you re- porters would go dry for your funny items, remarked plumber the other day to the reporter who called to inquire whether it would be cheaper to have a hole in his penstock pipe soldered up, or burn up the house, abandon the lot, and move out into the country and dig l well.
 sYes, you fellows are funny to every body excepting your employers, but it s serious matter to them," retorted the reporter.
 "But the funniest ever said about a plumber has never found its way into print. A few years ago l was down to the Rouge on Sunday shooting, and killed bird the likes of which I had ! never seen before. It was a water fowl, but what a fowl it was It was all beak, wings and legs, and principally beak. l fetched it home, and the next morning took it up to Professor Sill and asked him what it was"
 Goodness knows ? exclaimed Sill T never saw one before, but from the length and size of its bill it must be a Plumber bird. '"-Detroit Free Press. THEY WE'RE EMPTY. There was great crowd, as usual, in a London railway station from which a train was about to depart; and all at once man, who had put his hand in his under-coat pocket behind to take out his pocket book and pay his fare, ex- claimed, his face glowing with excite ment: "I've been robbed There are thieves about here! Some villain has taken my pocket-book from my pocket, with over e1O0 in itl"
 "Where did you carry your pocket book, sir ?" inquired by-stander.
 s'In my unNier-coat pocket, behind.' ,''Then, sir, you can scarcely blame the individual who has taken it, 7" replied the other, in very pompous, self-satis- fled, patronizing manner, and in Q voice of warning, intended for the ears of all within hearing. "Yes, you offer, if l may say so, temptation, premium, sir, upon theft, by carrying your money ill such place. Now I always carry l mag money here," he continued, putting his hand into ,m inside breast pocket oi his coat, ''aId there it is always EssSdfe," he s0os.1d have said, but he l fshdIcnIy sffew out hIsEail.i a.s II st.-is,er' been -bitten by an adder, exclaiming ''Why, nsy pocket-book is gone too Thievessl thieves thieves Let no ont go out Of the station !''
 The advice was acted upon, and botl \ pocket books were found upon the floor where they had been dropped by tn, adroit thief-but they were empty. l AsANOAAoANA1NSs
 A correspondent of Boston pape tells of fellow-traveler who amused him very much. He was a man wht had lost one of the four bundles whicl his rather severe wife had entrusted t' his charge.
 ''How'd you come to do it?" sh asked
 "I lost my reckonin', Nancy" h. meekly replied; and then, seeing tha she was not in a mood to consider ex cuses, he turned to me with the rest o the explanation: "I allers keep 'coun on my fingers, ye see, but my hand ain't reliable no longer. He held up
 hand from which finger was missing q chopped off that finger las spring g and that's what upsets my calculations There wuz just ez menny bundles ez had fingers on the hand that I told 'e1 off on-but it must O been t'other hand WONDERFUL TALE, WONDERFUL SPRING
 An Arkansas editor, who recent visited Eureka Springs, I. T., wrote t his newspaper that hounds tail wa accidentally cut off near Harding Spring that the dog drank of the waters an
 that new tail grew; that meantime tn discovered caudal appendage, havin
 been thrown into the spring, grew to tn
 dog, and that then the dogs owner Ina two dogs. But the veracious edite doesn't add, elf you don't believe , there's one of the dogs" The averae z Eurekan, however, believes. HIS PASS. . A country editor undertook to ride O a pass belonging to one of his subscril 7 CTS who had an adverdsement in hi
 paper. After examining it the conductt Q looked at it and the editor, and said:
 "This pass is>crooked." <
 "Guess not, Said the editor, blandh. , 'But sayit is.S
 "That's just who're you are foolin q yourself; it's me that's crooked. Tt
 pass is all right enough. "-1ecas Sgt | S9l0S