Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-04-21
WIT AND HUM0R.

| to get over into Canaua without
arousing suspicion.
Mr.. Robert Browning's forthcoming
volume is to be called "Jocoseria. u
Whether it is patent medicine or a
lung pad has not been made public.
The way the servants at a summer
resort hotel would prefer to have the
notice read: "Waiters will report any
inattentlon on the part of the guests. "
An exchange discusses 1.-The penalty
we pay for having wealth." 1t is
very discouraging, no doubt, but
give us the wealth, and we'll willing
ly pay the penalty.
Wanted-A substitute for the word
holocaust" to be employed i'll the
description of fatal fires. 'Holo-
caust" has become weary and frayed
at the edges, and should be removed
to a hospital for repairs.
Why is it that one railroad accident
is so apt to be followed by others
George--We suppose it is because
the roadmen become so interested in
reading accounts of the first accident
that they forget to turn the switches.
A man in Springfield, Mo, being
invited to drink. poured out a glass
of whisky, looked at it a moment and
then dropped dead. The Coroner's
jury brought in verdict of Suicide
by procrastination."
| The reason that almanac makers
publish nothing but the stalest jokes
is explained People get disgusted
after reading one or two of them and
turn to the patent medicine adver-
tisements for relief.
Some heartless wretch caught two
cats, tied them by the tails and flung
them into the cellar of church.
The residents of the vicinity heard
the noise the animals made, but
thought it was the choir rehearsing.
A Brooklyn church has offered a
preacher salary of $4,000 and two
months vacation every year. He re-
CARDS it as "call to preach the
Gospel" Most any one else would
accept such an offer, but would call
it by its right name, "a soft snap"
"What did you have to eat?" asked
Tom Murphy of Washington politi-
clan who had just exclaimed, 1T was
the finest dinner / ever sat down to
the finest any man ever sat down to-"
"Why. nothing at ALL we just drank
and drank and drank" was the reply.
"You say your wife gets mad and
raises row?" II should say she did
She makes enough fuss to run a
freight train forty miles an hour"
But if you knew she was in the
habit of getting mad, why did You
marry herY' because if / had held
back she would have got madder than
ever"
Mrs. Hannah Tyler, of Branford,
CT, who has been speechless for
fifteen years, fell from her chair the
other day, getting such a shock as to
bring back the flood of speech, and
now she talks as well as ever. Mr..
Tyler now sees that too much furni
ture is worse than none.
The Rev Joseph Cook fell between
a train of cars and the station plat
form at Poultney, VT, the other day.
and was pulled out by a bystander
just in time to escape serious injury.
1t is supposed that Mr.. Cook fell
over some of the large words he is
in the habit of carrying around with
him.
Some philosopher and scientist,
who has been plunging his aggressive
nose into the hidden mysteries of the
past, makes the startling announce
ment that Adam was seven feet high.
Well, what of it? Adam never ex
perienced the pleasure and $25 a
week of travelling with a fat woman,
some pink eyed children and hand
organ, the way the men of the present
day do who have attained the height
of seven feet.
Old epigrammatical conversation
between a clergyman and traveller:
Give lost my portmanteau. T.
l pity your grief. C.-My sermons
are in it. Tt pity the thief. A
more modern and altogether more
Arkansaw way of holding a similar
conversation would be: Give lost
my demijohn. TT pity your grief.
". 4u WHISKY Wuo III ~. -Lct .
look for the thief.
81 don't believe you have the water
of the right temperature. You must
get a thermometer" said an Austin
mother to the new colored nurse.
"What am data" "It's an instrument
by which you can tell if the water is
too hot or too cold.' IL kin tell dat
ar without any instrument. Ef de
chile turns blue den de water am too
cold, and eff hit turns red den l knows
dat de water am too hot"
One of the two happy men who
skated with Mrs. Langtry in Chicago
says she has a Cockney accent, and
he reports the following conversation
to which she was a party: MRS.
Langtry, are you not disappointed
in Chicago?" II am; it's a perfectly
'orrid town" You can denounce it
all you please without offending me-
l don't live here. / know you like
Boston and New York; "Ah, yes;
especially New York-it reminds me
so much of Lunnon"