The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-01-26
VARIETIES.

-"That fellow is just like telescope"
said dashing girl. "You can draw him out
and shut him up again"
-"Know thyself' may be an excellent sort
of provcrb, but it's forcnga pretty tough &C.
quaintance on some folks.
-"Why is young man like kernel of
cOrn?" asked young lady. because" said
another, che turns white when he pops"
1t is said, Fortune knocks once at every
mans door," In most cases it must have
knocked when the man was out
ut isn't loud prayer that count with the
Lord so much as four full quarts for every
gallon" says an Arkansas circuit rider.
-"Do not put articles which have held
milk into hot water" says domestic receipt
Is this an admonition not to drop the baby
into the wash boilerp
-"How did you learn that graceful atti.
tude?" asked gentleman of fellow leaning
in maudlin way against post. GIVE been
practising at the glass;" was the reply.
-"Is it injurious to eat before going to
sleep?" asked correspondent. "Why, no.
not fatally injurious, but you just try eating
| after you go to sleep, if you want to see a
circus"
An old bachelor leaving his boarding.
| house for weeks journey, after taking leave
of his landlady, stepped up to a salt macker.
ell on the table, shook him by the tail and
| said, Good by, old fellow, / will see you
when l return"
Let Southern negro dream for three
| successive nights that pot of gold is buried
in certain ground, and all the politicians
preachers and circuses in the land can't make
him unhappy until his back gives out.
so your business is picking up, ell p
said tacetious cobbler to a rag-pcker, who
had just commenced operations on an ash
| barrel in front of his shop door. "Yes, and
l see yours is mending" quickly replied the
ragged urchin, glancing at the dilapidated
boot in the cobblcr's hand
| -Grease-When he had called the meet
| ing to order, Brother Gardner arose and said
Gem len, lift wasn't for dc wheels de wagir
wouldn't move. When de wheels am on
den what?" Grease" solemnly exclaimed
an old man. "K'rect," whispered the presi
| dent, softly, rubbing his hands together
1--WE haz de wagin an de wheels. We will
now pass de hat 'roun' fur de grease"
"A livery stable keeper named Spur
would never let horse go out without re-
| questing the lessee not to drive fast. One day
a young man called for a turnout to attend
a funeral. Certainly" said Spur, "but," he
added, forgetting the solemn purpose fol
which the young man wanted the horse
don't drive fast" "Why just look-a-here ole
fellow" said the somewhat excited young
man, II want you to understand that l will
keep up with the procession,-ifit kills the
horse"
| "A young man of this city who was in
| vited by his mother TO lug up bod of Goa
from the cellar made an amendment striking
out himself and substituting therefor hi
father, stating as a reason that he had jus
returned from seven days vacation, ant
that it was a well-known proposition lait
down by Greenleafs arithmetic, that sever
days make one week. The amendment wa
Overwhelmingly voted down, and the origi
nal motion prevailed by solid vote on boil
sides of the house.
Lincoln was railsplitter; Garfield was
canal boy Andrew johnson was tailor
Governor Cleveland sold newspapers; th,
Governor ofKansas drove oxen the presen
governor of Texas was once hostler; tn
present governor of California was sailo
and afterwards swept out store in Orovll
for his board; A. T. Stewart taught schoo
and sold tape by the penny worth; Free
Gebharts grandfather picked up junk in til
streets of New York Jay Gould sold nous
traps; Jim Keene kept livery stable; Ruff
Hatch was locomotive fireman.