The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1883-08-02
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
hemindcrlfrom President Gardner A
singular Discovery -Greatne IS, Etc.

singular Discovcry-Greatness,E IS, Etc.
Judge Cadaver has lately fallen into
tho habit of showing up at Paradise Hall
an hour before the meetings open, and
studying art with no ono to bother or
make him afraid. BY careful inspec-
ton of tho busts of Caesar, Jackson,
CLAY, Shakespeare and Sumner, and by q
close inspection of the three or four
sacred horse-pistols, the four renowned
swords and the hnlf-dozen chromos, he
has become almost connoisseur. and
can almost tell the difference between u
genuine Reube rs aud tea-store pInuuc
He was on hand as usual Saturday
evening. Samuel Shin left him stand
ing before tho bust of Caesar and went
down stairs after an onion. Upon his
return the Judge lay sonselcss on the
floor, and around him were tho frag-
ments of the busted bust. The Judge
had scarcely revived wucn the meeting
opened, but there was no shade Of pity
in Brother Gardncrs voice as he arose
and said:
"Judge Cadaver will be given two
weeks to replace de bust wild a new one
havin' de same squint to de left eye. In
case he fails to do SO be will DO fined
about 'levcn hundred dollars. Gem len,
dar' am n few things [ would like to call
your 'tcnshun to. De sczun has now
arrove for pullin' ole hats and PLIERS
outer dc broken winders, an L seizo dc
occashm to ax you to remember:
"Dat q front gate off its hinges means
slip-shod man in dc house.
"Dat red nose means q hungry flour
barrel.
"Dat no man eber got work sittin' on
tie fence an discussin' de needs oh de
kcntry.
Dat de less pollytics man has dc
mo- cash he kin pay his grocer
"Dnt arguments on religion won't
build churches nor pay dc prenchers.
"Dat family which ncbber borrows
nor lends keeps nayburs de longest.
"Dat beauty will starve in dc parlor
whar' common sense will grow fat in dc
kitchen.
"Dat dc world am full of mico-holcs,
an all dc cats need do am to watch an
wait.
"Dat economy doan' mean buyin'
kalillcr fur yer wife an broad-cloth for
yurself.
Dat progress doan' mean fittin' ole
doahs to new buildin's.
4" Dat liberty doan gin you de right
to cat anOdcr mans chickens,
" Datsuccess achieved by rascality am
n fish net made o yarn.
Let us now purcccd to attack Ia,
rHg lar prograInmy o business, an if la,
an any mo- coughiu' and Spittin' obcr il,
d. fur co'ncr, sartin pussons will witness.
purceedln's dat will cast gloom obcr Il,
mex fifty Vars"
wAYDowN BEBEE's DISCOVERY.
Some weeks since Waydown Bcbcc an
nomccd i'll open meeting that he had
discovered n direct motion of the earth
from north to south. and he predicted ::
very poor cabbage crop in consequence.
The subject WAS given to tho Committee.
on Astronomy to investigate and report
with power to cXpcnd twcnty-fOur cents
Is experiments, and at this meeting the
and committee announced the compile
ton of labors. 1t appeared that Broth,
or Bcbcc had discovered the new mo-
tinn in his own house. All the furniture
turned to the south, and the baby wa&
continually falling down in that dircc
ton. a jar Of soft soap had worked
clear across the kitchen in one night.
and the family dog had to lie with
l.
committee had visited tho house and
made a careful survey, and the re-
sult was the discovery of the fact
thatth south side of Brother Bebcc's
cabin had sunk down eleven inches and
was still going. The theory of a new
motion was therefore disprovcd, and the
rIbhaGc crop was safe.
THE ROAD.
The Secretary then announced a letter
from the Office of the State Board OF
Health of Ohio, asking:
"Will Brother Gardner plcasampoint
out the road to grcatncss?"
OATS 'cording to dc kind of great
hess he mcans," said the President.
Great generals am made by bloody
hutcherics great orators am made by
takin' lessons in clocushun; great finan-
ricrs am made by legally robbing dc
public; great statesmen am made bv
Stayin i'll Congress fo' Vars on a salary
Of $4,000 per var an bringin' homo
5000, 600. Presidents am sometimes
voted into Office, and sometimes dey
steal in. Ii this pusson will signifcatc
dc kind O greatness he desires to obcr-
come his achin' brows, 1 reckon I kin
put him on do right road an tell him