davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

1t is one Of the unexplicable things of
moral ethics how people decide so promptly
as to how little rain and bad weather it
takes to keep them away from prayer
meeting and how much is required to
keep them away from good show.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15
- - - |A---
Canadian Bazaar.

Mr.. John Osborne, Musical Bazaar, To-
ronto, Canada, writes that his wife was
cured of rheumatism by the great pain
.banisher, st. Jacobs Oil thathe has found
it an invaluable remedy for many all
mentS. d
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

mo, sir,'' said the young lawyer whC
was paying attention to fair maiden,
t'no, sir, / don't like a circuit court.
There's no fun in being chased around the
house by. cross dog before getting a
| chance to dive in the front door,
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

Almost any man will forget his ten-dol-
lar umbrella when he leaves a restaurant Z;
but give woman q parasol worth 81 and
take her into fifty restaurants, ana she will
not forget lit once. 3 3l4
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

A scientist asks: ssHow was man dis
tributed on the earth ?'' Well, brother.
judging. from a painful experience, we
would say it was by means Of an insidious
banana peel. a
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

DON'T fill the yStem with quinine, when
lever and sgue., ;amd malarial feyers, can
be nneh more Effectively treated by Ayers.
Agne Cure. W aH1Anated to cure.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

nT,ctrI, not, life issweeping by, go and dare
hESS i before You die, some thing mighty igl1,5
$50 week Ii Your own town. IS outfit free: No
risk Eyeryt6ing new Capital not not required.
We wrfEfirnish you everything. Many are ma, ma,
king fortunes ladies make much as men
and boys and girls make great pay. Read r. i
you want a business at which you can max
feat pay all the time, write for plftlcnlats 10 IL
ALLETT& Co., Portland. Maine.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

One of the naturalists gives the COM
forting assurance, as he calls it, that a bee
can sting only once. Once is enough
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15
nRouGH ON RATS. .

Clears out rats, mice, reaches, flies, ants
bed-bugs, skunks, chipmunks, gophers.-
l5c. Druggists. 1888
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15
"BUCHUPAIRAv

Quick, complete cure, all annoying Kid
ney, Bladder and Urinary Diseases. 81
Druggists. Alai - 5i.ff' .1r
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15


Ininyiting attention to the Celebrated Spring.
dale Pure kye Whisky, patented and manulac-
tured ny MI. y, R0senheim, 1t Is but doing jus.
upon those who desire or have need for an arti.
ole !of undoubted purity and unsurpassed in
Yhis hne Whiskey is specially manufactured
by MI. II. Rosenheim, under letters-patent and
10 for sale by him exclusively. There ID no SiIni
lar article offered In the BaltimeFe MARKET, and
fron ITS purity and excellence, should be in the
article. So gee from every adulteration is this
AlaEey, ana go carefully has 1t been manufac-
tnIeH IAat y ID largely prescribed by the medical
before stated, this fine Whiskey can be obtained
only at the Wholesale Warerooms of Mr.. Rosen-
helm, No. 75 West Baltimore Street. This Whis,
key is five and eight years old -
!, The purity add careful manufacture of this fine
Whiskey is attested by the EditQg, : , TT
,.,s.s-.., Pr. ], 7. KING,
lfal EdiitRf Baltimore Trade Exhibit
For .salR at Virginia Hotel Saloon, by VII.
l{ifaM Kinney, and Michael Oroghan, stanton
Va.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15


At Hagerstown, Nd, with.the Western Mary
land Railroad to and from Baltimore, Frederick,
Emmittsburg, Gettysburg, Penmar, Waynes-
bOro, Pa, and points on the Western Maryland
Railroad and branches
With the Cumberland Valley Railroad to and
from Harrisburg, Carlisle, Shippensburg, Cham
bersburg, Mercersburg, Martinsburg. and points
on the Cumberland Valley Railroad and branch
eS.
Also to and from Pittsburg and the West and
Northwest, and Boston, New York, Philadelphia,
and the North and East.
AT Shenandoah Junction, w. Va, with Main
Line of Baltimore d Ohio Railroad to and from
Washington.
AT Riverton, Va, with Manassas Branch of
Virginia Midland Railway.
AT Waynesboro Junction, Va, with Chesa-
apeake & Ohio Railway to and from Greenbrier
White Sulphur Springs and Richmond.
AT Loeb Laird, with Lexington Branch OF
Richmond & Allegheny Railroad.
At Natural Bridge, with Main Line of Rich
mond Il Allegheny Railroad.
At Roanoke with Norfolk Il Western Railroad.
STAGE CONNECTIONS.
AT Riverside, for Lexington, Va.
At Boyce. for Wildwood and Winchester. Va.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15
Dali Y.
N0RTHWARD.ss

fBREAKFAsT. @D1NNER. SUPPER
Pullman Sleeper, daily, on Express No. 4from
Chattanooga to New York (without change) con-
Meeting with Pullman Sleeper from New Or
leans to Washington making Virtually through
line Of Sleepers New Orleans TO New York, via
Roanoke and Harrisburg.
Pullman Parlor Car, daily except Sunday, on
Train No. 2. between Luray and Philadelphia,
$50 pounds of baggage checked free to each
whole ticket. 1000 mile tickets, $25 90; 500 mile
tickets, Sl5.0Q. -
JOS W SANDS A. POPE
General Sup't Gen Pass. Agent,
sep6 Roanoke. va. Lynchburg, Va,
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15
SOUTHWARK.

Pullman Sleeper, daily, on Express No. g. New
York to Chattanooga, via Harrisburg, connect
ing at Roanoke with Pullman Sleeper, New
ton with Pullman Seepers for Jacksonville,
making virtually no change, New York to Flor
ida, and New York to New Orleans.
Pullman Parlor Car daily except Sunday, on
Express No. l. between Philadelphia and Luray
via Harrisburg.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

r. & q. SiaiH-Line trains run by Washington
w No I n, N6, daily except sunday. DO not run
naf vaa ~ Ift0p Forge and Huntington.
N Nv 9and =. daily between Clifton Forge and
snIanS ky No. 2 daily except Saturday, Cliff
~, Fnr'sa 10 richmond; except Sunday, Rich
, .od ia old Po mt. No s, except Sunday, Old
Point 10 Clifton l'DiSe.
Nns, land /. Was hington, Louisville, and Gin
cinnati Fast i,INErun daily between Louisville,
t,jncinnatj Washington, and Rlchmond, va.
no NOT stos, for local business except that No.
stans between Richmond and Charlottesville.
No 3 Louisville and Clnclnnatl Fast Line,
and No l. Washington Fast Llne,equlpped with
Pullman New Drawing Room. Smoking, saloon.
and Sleeping Cars. and solid Trans between
j Louisville. Lexington, and washington u. Y.
Pullman New Sleeping-tatE between Clncln-
natl White sulphur and Riehmond; Day Coach
between Cincinnati and Mchmond.
C. & o. Sleeping Cars on sIralns NOS. ana b,
hetween Richmond and Clifton Forge
No. daily, except Sunday, kleaye cannelfon
$40 n M arrive Huntington 1l:l5a III.
No & daily except Sunday, leave Huntington
Bis u ia arrive CanneltOn $40 m.
old DolniliOn steamers will leave either Nor
folk or Newport News for New York, on Mon
day Tuesday "Wednesday, or Saturday, at 500 p.
IN.
For Rates, Tickets. Baggage-C Checks, apply to
any office ofC. & o. k'y; or Depot or Ticket Of
ice of connecting lines. ii. w. FULLER,
c. w. SMITH, Gen'l Pass'r Agent
Genl Manager. oclZo
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15
ELDER. nllens.Uss .s.s.s E..a
TrrTTrr EEEEE


the lerandne
nvi
enre wfho
S l rental
are due and payable
mmi iapl
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1883-11-15

S HHNAND0Ah VALLEY NAii'AoND'
TIME TABLE-fn effect Aug, 9th. 1883.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22

The top of the head blooms and gets
ripe first, therefore have supposed it
was the earliest. scrape off the top
half of the head and reject the remain
der"
Mr.. Fl. J. DEAh of Charleston, Mo-,
has 100 acres in catalpas, 5 years old,
6x4 feet apart. They are from six to
twelve feet high and from one to three
inches in diameter. At 10 years of age
these trees will make three posts each,
and the posts will last forever. He
knows catalpa posts in his county 70
wears old. He has three miles of fenc-
ing, all the posts of catalpa, Is years
old, and last year he had to move por-
ton of the fencing and found the posts
as sound as the day they were put in the
ground. He plants cuttings or limbs
about eight inches long cut from the
older trees, and puts them about four
inches in the orOund
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
The Southern Dude.

Washington Letter to the Boston Traveller
There is nothing &" in heaven above
or on the earth beneath" like the
southern dude. He occupies niche in
humanity all by himself, and he would
not deign to look down upon his north
ern brother. The southern dude is a
study. [ saw one at the National Hotel
the other evening, and he made me feel
very tired. He was a tall, darkroom
plexioned, tender young thing, on whose
cheek probably twenty summers had had
their play. On his head he wore low
crowned straw hat with an immense
brim, and one eyeglass was glued in po-
sition while its owner stood in the front
entrance of the hotel and IS gave the girls
treat" The words in quotation are
his own, and when I heard them I felt
like kicking him into the erstwhile."
He wore black broadcloth suit, and,
although the thermometer was up in the
nineties," his hands were covered with
tight-ftting black kid gloves. His coat
was cut in the Prince Albert style, with
the lower button only fastened, and that
left an immense expanse of shirt front
upon which nestled three tiny diamonds.
"Mr. Dude" gazed at these diamonds
on an average of four times minute for
an hour at my certain knowledge. His
boots we're square-toed with heels GER
tainly three inches high. In his hand he
carrieda small gold-headed cane, which
occasionally he sucked with a Hstless
air. Finally he lodged into druggists
and started wild, lurid debauch with
glass of plain soda.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
Minnesota's DueIinq Ground,

lfrom tue st. Paul Pioneer Press.]
There is curious state of things ex-
listing In certain portion OF the state,
which can be described as follows: At
the session of the legislature in 1878
the name of Pembina County was chang
ed to Kittson County. In 1879 Kittson
County was divided and Marshall County
formed of the south half. The southern
boundary of the original county of Penn
bina WAS designated at point opposite
the mouth of Turtle River, which empties
into the Red River, and thence east on
that line sixty-fve miles. In the mean
time the map maker had been at work,
and placed the south boundary of Penn
bina County on the 154th parallel,
about a mile and half north of the
mouth of Turtle River, and when Mar
shall County was formed the legislature
followed the map-maker's lines, leaving
a strip of territory mile and half wide
and sixty-f1ve miles long between Mar
shall and Polk Counties which did not
belong to any county. To cure this de-
feet a special law was enacted by the last
legislature, permitting by the electors of
Marshall to vote upon the question of
attaching this strip to that county, the
vote to be taken at special election to
be held July 8, 1888 The election was
held at the specified time, and the vote
cast was 357 in favor to only l against
the annexation. A few days ago the re-
turns were forwarded to the secretary of
state, and the governor was about to
issue his proclamation announcing the
result and declaring that the strip afore-
said was annexed to Marshall County,
when it was discovered that the consti-
tuition required that all propositions to
change the boundary lines of county
must be submitted to vote of the peo-
pie affected thereby at general election.
The act of last winter is therefore void
and the vote taken on the 9th inst, at
the special election, of no legal effect.
This leaves that strip of territory of one
and one-half by sixty-fve miles without
any government. It is neutral ground,
and there is no process in law by which
a crime committed therein can be pun
ished 1t is an admirable locality in
which to fight duel, and will remain for
two years more at least unless the gov
ernor calls an extra session of the legis-
Iature to cure the difficulty.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
The Detective Parrot.
From the Philadelphia Times.

An exciting scene took place yesterday
at Henry Jackson's shoe store, on
Columbia Avenue, which nearly resulted
In the arrest of an innocent man. The
cause of the trouble was this: jackson
has an educated parrot, which be loves
dearly. Henry is generally cobbling in
the back room, and the parrot has been
taught to scream when customers enter,
Mrs. Jackson had laid her pocket. book
on the counter and run upstairs to hush
the crying of her bouncing boy. Re
membering where her poeketbook was
she returned and got it. Just then q
customer came In. He knocked and
raped for some time, but no one COM
ing in he turned to leave, when the par
rot shr1eked:
Henry = customer = pocket book
gone. .
Jackson, hearing this, nearly broke
his neck In hurrying into the store, drop
ping his lap stone on his foot. He shout
ed in the most violent manner:
What do you mean, anyhow, by try
ing to run off with my pocketbook ?"
The customer, struck dumb with Henry's
remark, Immediately whirled around
and asked what he meant.
81 mean just what I say. You took
my pocket book, and if you don't give it
to me I'll call an officer"
+" L haven't seen pocketbook for
month, " said the stranger, "and I won't
stand any such an insult. Whereupon
the parrot spoke up" Bad man-dude.
Both men had worked their nerves up
to high state of excitement, and it look
ed very much as though there would be
a set-to. Pauline" the parrot, was
overjoyed, and shouted Sc Police! Policei
ooh, dam you, shut up!" cried the
thoroughly Infatuated customer. Both
men stood and stared at each other for
moment, then burst out into hearty
laugh and shook hands. The customer
then purchased pair of ''calf English
Balls, number ten.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
CoUNsELs FROM THE FRENCH.

NOTHING good is ever effected without
perseverance,
WE are never SO good as when we
possess a joyful heart.
Spend a cent less than your income
and you will always be rich.
PROVE ourselves grateful. A grateful
heart can never be wicked heart.
do you wish that work should never
weary you g? Think that you are giving
pleasure to another.
To listen kindly is often an act of the
most delicate interior modification and
helps us very much to speak kindly our
selves.
10 accomplish dutyi is to diffuse iov
and as every moment of life holds duty. :
1t depends upon US to surround ourselves
with unceasing joys.
To know how to be occupied. and
never have to ask ones self, What am I
gong to do? is the most useful science
for happiness and virtue.
AVAILABILITY is the sunshine of the soul.
which causes smiles to bloom on the lips,
and expands the heart as the rays OF the
sun open the buds of the rose.
A GREAT deal of wit often makes us
wicked, cruel and unjust, it causes tor
mentlng 5ealousies, receptions which
spoil our triumphs, and pride which is
never satisfied.
those who are at peace with their
conscience are often led to an excessive
rigor. To overlook nothing IN others is
often proof that we overlook great
| deal in ourselves.
CIRCUMSTANCES change, temptations
diminish, positions improve, misfortune
becomes endurable by habit, but persons
who are disagreeable to us always irri-
tate Us more and more.
A GRACIOUS word, OPPORTUNITY uttered
Is no tritie in the matter of happiness; nor
kindly smile added to suggestion, a
slight uneasiness spared another, nor
even al extra ct of politenese.
| A SURE means of overcoming dislike
which We entertain for anyone is to do
him little kindness every day; and the
way to overcome a dislike which another
may feel toward us is to say some little
kind word of him every day.
IF you are teaching a piece of work,
If you are laboring at the same employ
ment with others, never ridicule one who
Is awkward. If he be SO from want of
Intelligence, your ridicule is far from
charitable; if from want of instruction,
it is exceedingly unjust. Correct his
awkwardness kindly, show him how he
! should do his work and God, who sees
you and is pleased with your patience,
Will tell one of His angels to aid you in
| your moments of difficulty.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
Breaking Up an EIopement.

From the Amor1Cu6 (CTa.) heCOrQ6rsI
A young fellow from the country,
whose manhood is wreck and whose
finances are more dilapidated, all from
dissipation, had won the affections of q
pretty country maiden, and insisted on
meeting her against stern fathers will.
A few nights ago they met and were ar
ranging an elopement, The spot they
had selected for their tryst was near an
old family burying- ground, and the hour
was near midnight. They had made no
definite plan, owing to the girls per-
verseness, and the fellow was suing
earnestly, when a groan was heard in
among the graves, and white form rose
up and advanced toward the couple.
Neither of them could speak nor move.
The figure moved slowl y forward, the
eyes seemingly blazing and the bones
clanking as it stepped. When within a
few feet of the lovers it spoke in ascarce-
ly articulate tone, telling the youth to
6 Begone! as his object was to destroy
the girls happiness after getting her
money" The young fellow slid on his
knees, promising to Leave, if he was al
lowed. He was granted ten seconds to
get out of sight, when the girl keeled
over in a faint and the young man
started on run for home. Then the
old man threw down sheet on which
phosphorus had been rubbed, and some
old dead cow-bones he had picked up,
took his girl in his arms and carried her
into the house. The young fellow has
left the country and the girl is as quiet
and gentle as a dove. The old man is
happy and gives his daughter all tie
presents and attention he can, but has
never told his part in the transaction,
and she has never spoken her lovers
name, nor said a word of the terror that
drove him from her side.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
WITHIN AN INCH OF MY LIFE

During the earlier years of my medi-
cO-mlli5ary career was selected as the
assistant surgeon of the Army Lunatic
Asylum, then established in one of the
eastern counties of England. At the
time OF the appointment was given to
understand that it was one which paid a
high compliment to my professional abil-
tiles, and was bestowed as reward OF
good services done; but as [ did not see
it quite IN the same light went and i'll.
terviewed the chief who had thought SC
much more of me than / did of him.
Sir, said /, "some men are born to
hOnOrs, others have honors thrust upon
them; the latter is my case. I don't
understand one bit about the treatment,
moral or medical, of the insane. j
never saw but one mailman in nv life.
and he, verify believe, was more knave
than fool; and Ican't help thinking that
If you send me, to the asylum you are
sending the round man to fit into the
square hole.
That Is not of the slightest conse-
quence, answered he whom I was ad-
dressing, II the richest of brogues:
''not the layste in loife. Round OF
square the hole vii! suit you to t; and
1t SO be that ye don't know ANYTHING
consuming lunatics, whoy, the sooner
ye larn the better. Ye'd be PLACED to
jine without delay. Good morning. .
So he bowed me out, and I, having a
wholesome dread of the powers that
were, "Jined forthwith.
1t is one Oh Shakespeare wise saw
ings that 8 Use doth breed habit in a
man." Before there had passed away
many weeks of my soiourn with the
demented officers and men of Queen
Victoria's land forces I found myself
highly interested with their pretty and
well cared for home, running pleasantly
II the groove had so much objected to.
and getting rid forever and day of that
repugnance which every outsider nat
urally enough entertains when brought
into contact with the denizens of a mad
house. With pass key which was an
open sesame to every lock in the estab-
ment, / was accustomed to wander over
if unattended either by the ''keeper y
Or the Orderlies; and never was [ mo-
lest=3 or spoken to threateningiy save
once, and that upon the occasion [ have
elected to name Within an inch of nv
life. .
In the afternoons, when the patients
were not indoors, it was my practice to
60 through every part of the building.
inspecting it sanitarily. l was doing
so as usual upon a certain winters day.
when, at curve of a corridor, / came
suddenly upon a patient leaning
gloomiiy against one of the pillars.
He was a private soldier of the Forty
fifth, or Sherwood Foresters-a recent
admission, and whose phase of in
sanity was somewhat puzzling the head
surgeon and myself. Without entering
upon details, L shall merely say that
we had doubts upon his case, and had
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
A Father Who Forgot His Baby.
CFrom the Chicago Herald

''Yes, we find a great many things,
said the conductor, as he looked
over the contents of lady's purse which
he had found on seat in the next car.
"What do you do with them F."
"Turn them over to the chief baggage
man at the end of the trip. There is al
ways fuss kicked up, and he generally
finds owners for things. Yes, many
people are very careless when travelling.
They leave all sorts of things IN the cars
canes and umbrellas oftenest [ suppose
you've heard the old yarn about the man
who got on the train and felt as if he'd
forgotten something. After the train
had started, you remember, he happen
ed to think he'd left his wife sitting in
the depot waiting-room. Well, had a
real case about as bad as that last spring,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
A Strange BIRD Story.
[From the Kansas City Tlmeg. }

A strange bird story is related by the
friends of Robert Potee, the gambler
who committed suicide here few days
since. About six years ago the wife of
the dead man was given hooking bird,
which, in time. became very much at
tached to Mr.. Potee. When the news
of her husbands suicide reached Mrs.
Potee, at Atchison, it seHmed to have
very much the same effect upon the
bird as it had upon her The bird APP
parently mourned with her. When she
prepared to leave Atchison the little fell
low screamed as if in pain, so loud as
to be heard block away. In Kansas
City the bird refused to eat and flew
from room to room at all hours until the
day Potae was buried, then the bird
died, having apparently grieved to death.
A taxidermist is preparing the bird to
be placed over the grave of Potee perch
ed upon an artificial tree, where it will
remain silent sentinel over the dead.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22

A man and woman put their baby to
sleep on the seat behind them, and when
tney reached their destination lot of
friends met them and carried off their
bundles and traps, but everybody forgot
the baby: A telegram caught us at the
next station, and the agent took care of
the little chap until the carless father
came with a buggy. Some people
would forget their heads if they weren't
fastened on"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22
A Modern Definition.
(From tie Brooklyn Eagle. /

"What do you understand by a good
Samaritan ?" asked a teacher at Five
Points mission school of a pupil recently
admitted.
dispose" answered the gamin' g it's
one of them fellers as comes foolin'
round yer when yer hev the green apple
belly ache and wants ter know if yer got
Christshun mother.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-08-22

PROFESSOR BAIRD, director of the
Smithsonian Institute and president
of the Fish Commission, while he rarely
fails to recognize species OF fish or any
scientific specimen on sight, is often at
a loss to call his best known acquaint-
ances by name when hemeets them cas-
ually.