Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-01-17
PLEASANTRIES.

n fflbND every HAL GuIuS MS BACK
on: His bed.
WHEN selecting pen always strive to
get the write kind.
No, Paul, the window of the soul is
not pain In the stomach.
EVERYBoDY's duty is dun on the frs
day OF January. Courier.
FAT wild ducks are sold at two cents
a piece at Lake Charles, La. But the
account don't state how large piece is
sold for two cents.-B0Ston Ad1erti8er.
HE'S grown to be polished gentle
man, anyhow, said an old lady, gazing
tondly as she spoke at the shining bald
head OF her son, just returned after a
long absence.
MAN who crossed the Atlantic for the
first time, said he did not think he was
much OF sailor at starting, but when
he was one day out he felt as if he could
heave up the anchor.
A GREAT deal has been said about
sleepy congregations, but we never saw
one that was not wide awake enough to
hear the Amen at the end of the ser
mon. PHI E0det0hj0 Nea08.
A BALD HEADED man who has heard
that the hairs on mans head are all
numbered, wants to know if there is not
some place where he can obtain the back
numbers. 4 Cincinnati Snt1erdav N10ht.
MosT OF the staple goods produced in
this country are manufactured and sold
on large scale, yet the consumer is
very apt to get short weight. Small
scales are generally more accurate
Boston AdUerti8er.
FIRST swell: By Jove, Fred, that is
quite the highest collar I've struck vet.
Second swell: Think so, old man
! Well, don't mind telling you; it's lit
tie idea Of my OWL. It's one of the
| guvnor's cuffs.
A FACETIOUs boy asked one of his
playmates how hardware dealer diff
tered from a bootmaker. The latter.
somewhat puzzled, gave it up. "Whv,'
said the other, "because one sold the
nails, and the other nailed the soles. y
Exchange.
HE diary of q great man: Prince
Bismarck keeps diary. The first entry,
on January l, reads: 81 have resolved
to drink not more than sixty glasses of
soul destroying beer day during the
present year" P. S.-Save on Schuet-
zenfest day8.-Norrj8toeO,1 Herald.
"How do you feel, my little man,
asked the youth of his sweetheart's little
brother. The young fend looked up at
him sidewise, and with a grin responded,
81 feel just as if La like to have dime"
He got 1t, but his prospective brother
ln-laW now avoids the health question.
A POLITE little girl was shown set of
playthings and a doll, and was asked
which she would have? She looked at
the doll, which was fine one, and then
drawing her mothers head down she
whispered: 81 would rather have the
playthings, but please don't tell the
doll.
He was lisping drummer and had a
pretty good opinion OF himself He
said to his partner at dance in town
not far from Boston: 81 Wanth you til
to understan that I'me no ordinary wun-
ner. [ belong to the firm of Jones &
Thun. My father is Jones and Tine the
Thun. "-Bo8t0n Globe.
AN old bachelor, who wanted to in
gratiate himself with a rich widow, pre-
sented her with lap-dog. saying: 81
have trained him SO perfectly that he
will eat off your hand" Eat off my
hand !" exclaimed the widow. CT don't
want my hand eaten off; and youneedn't
think of getting it in that way"
A MAN nosing about claims to have
heard this in store: F'"That article IN
the window is marked S15, and although
any one might know that it is worth
more than that, nobody comes to buy;
but I'll fix it so it will go in an hour. I'll
pat on it big card marked Reduced
to $25. '"-NOTristOaUn Herald.
A CHILD, having Sustained Horizontal
Relations with his mothers Lap, was
heard to PhilosopEically remark that
Spanking not only Developed the Bot
tom fact Of Slippers usefulness, but
also Afforded the Spankee an admirable
Opportunity of approaching the Beauti
full and Wondrous Intricacies of the car
pet Pattern. Denver Tribune.
"SOMEBODY's coming when the dew
drops fall, he hummed softly, as he
prepared himself for an evening call
upon his sweetheart. knock at the
door interrupted him. Somebody had
come. It was bis Iandlady, and she
wanted money or his room on the spot.
The Joy of that young heart was dead,
and the music of his soul hushed, for
he was cleaned out.
Mule and offered him Advantageous
Terms to become a Prima Donna. "Alas!''
quoth the Mule with a Sigh, THAT
IS an Impossibllity, for though l have
an Ear for Music, my Voice is Sadly
Attuned." but you can Kick % in
quired the Impressario. g At kicking"
admitted the Mule, 81 am Positively
Peerless. "Then," exclaimed the I'm
pressario, "you have the Highest Quail
fications..of Prlma Donna. Consider
yourself Engaged. '-DenUeT Tribune.
A SeUTH END man set a steel trap in
his cellar to catch rats, and his mother
in-law got her thumb in it, and it was
bitten to the bone, and she yelled bloody
murder, and he had to go down cellar
and bring her up And when he got her
up stairs, she just pranced with pain
and carried on dreadfully, and he tried
to console her, and told her it was too
bad; but when he left the house and got
round the corner folks were aatOnished