The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-03-29
A LECTURE ON SCIENCE.
Prof. Holdbaok Remington Before the
Lime Kiln Club.

Bro. Gardner announced to the club
that the great colored Ohio scientist and
philosopher was present in the ante
room, shivering with cold and impa-
tience. He had been in the city three
days, during which time he had frozen
his heels and discovered that the sun
was 100000 miles nearer the earth at
Detroit than in Cleveland.
The committee on reception then
drew on their new mittens and disap-
peared in search of the distinguished
visitor.
Close upon the heels of a lamp explo-
sion in the northwest corner of the
room, which knocked Judge Cadaver
off his stool and flung Walkaround
Skivers halfway through a window,
came the noble professor. If he could
have been Strengthened up by means Of
jack-screws he would have stood six
feet high, and O. few bricks in his pocll-
cts would have brought his weight up to
120 pounds. He had a piercing eve,
a nose rather on the door-knob order,
and his mouth at once BETRAYED great
force of character. He was conducted
to the platform, formally introduced,
and as he moistened his bronchial tubes
led off with:
''My frens." he began, 81 has bin in
wited to spoke to you on de subjeck of
science. | has no doubt dat some of
you has heard de word spoken, or seen
it in print at sometime, but how little de
majority of you have eber realized de
beauties, de extent, an de power of
science! Science has had hard strug-
gle, but she am now top of de heap
an kin reward her frens an forgive her
enemies. How do we know dat de airth
revolves on her axel-trees, same as de
" heels of wagin? Science has told
us. How do we know how to cross dc
oshunp Science pints de way. How do
we know dat de great desert of Sa-hary
was once an oshun? Science has DUG
down an foun' clam shells and sharks
jaw-bones. Widout science we should
be a world widout over-coats in winter
or sodywater in summer. We would
fall from harvest apples trees an pick
ourselves up widout KNOWN Wheder
grabitashun OF agitashun made us cum
down instead of goin' up. We should
see de moon, same as now, but some
would say it was inhabited by monkeys
an odders would have an ideah dat it
was splendiferous locality for q per-
simmon grove. De sun would rise an
sot an warp de shingles on de roofs,
but men would go round bluf1in' fur
bets dat she wasn't fifty miles away an
was held in place by wires. .
Here the orator paused to scratch his
back and take another drink of cider,
and amidst stiffness almost solemn he
continued:
''Science has done much, but it hasn't
done 'nuff. It has giben us de marin
er's compass, but we have no masheen
shops whar' bow-legged men kin drap
in on deir way up home an git de crook
Strengthened while dey wait. 1t has
giben us steam, but we still crawl under
de house to thaw out frozen Water-pipes
de same as de Roman Senators did g.
coo vars ago. 1t has giben US grand
suspenshun bridges, but whar' am de
gas-metre which registers in favor OBJ
de consumer? 1t has giben us de tele-
graf, but what man among you eber
sot eyes on boot-jack which wouldn't
miss cog iist when you war pmlin' on
wet boot de hardest? 1t has tunneled
frew mountains, but we hab foun' no
better way oh making de baby swallow
caster lie dan by holdin' its nose, same
as Eve held Gains and Abels in de be-
ginnin'.
'.My frens, did not come here to ex-
pecterate you wild tiresome infatua-
ton. Heed well what | have said.
Snug up to science. She will keep you
cool in summer an prevent de sh1snkin'
of your winter fiannels. 1t is deep
subjec for research an imcompatibility,
an trustin' dat each one of you may ab-
dicate de refeXun of de consequential,
l will draw my brilliant climax to ca
reern