Morning journal and courier., 1883-01-13

| To the Editor of the JOURNAL AND COURIER:
 There can be no doubt in the world that 1 Washington possesses many of the elements
 of great city. I suppose you have heard
 of the young man who appealed to an old
 stager for advice on the subject of opening 8
 conversation with lady to whom he had 1 just been introduced, and was told he might,
 if nothing better occurred to him, start the
 ball with some such giittering generality as | There's quite a good deal of land about
 here!" We'll, there's plenty of land about
 here and very pretty land it is too. Then 1 Providence has kindly caused the Potomac
 river to flow past Washington; and the ideas
 of distance are comprehensive and magnif
 cent. Indeed "magniicence of distance'' is
 one of the true Washingtonian's strongest
 cards, and the one he is fondest of playing. Doubtless many other clements would be | apparent to the keen observer, the skilled 1 tourist or the travelling Statistician, that are l not so conspicuous to the unskilled observer,
 the ordinary traveller or the careless saunter- CT, and es am unfortunate enough to be- 1 long to one of the three 1ast-mentioned class es (though to which one won't say1, don't | detect the clements of greatness very readily, l probably because the mass of provincialisms
 
 Washington, the capital and ''all that sort of l thing you know" is one of the smallest places in the country Quaint, old-fashioned | relies, suggestive of the little eastern sum- mer hotels and western lath and plaster ones, whose advertisements read "A conveyance will transport passengers and their baggage from the depot, free of charge,'' are the old fashioned, long bodied omnibuses backed up to the curb in long string in front of the depot. They make you wonder what kind of city it is where hotels cling to such proyincialisms and the next moment, as you catch sight of three or four ''hansoms'' flying around corner, you wonder if this can be Washington, so far ahead cf other cities in adopting that most sensible, if Eng fish vehicle Boss" Shepards legacy If l. dont-know-how many miles of smooth, broad streets renders the use of ark-like ''bus'' and flying t'hansom" equally comfort able But, suppose you are at your hotel and wish to go. say to the Capitol-as as of course you are likely to about the first thing. You are told to ''take any car going down the avenue" One is just passing the door and if you hurry you can catch 1t, but you think "Never mind, there'll be another in very few minutes. .'' And, if it's between and 10 8. m. there probably will be, but you'll be in luck if you get seat, for that's the time of day when the thousands of department people are going to their desks and the magnificent distances place premium on seat in car. If you've started about the middle of the day you'll speedily conclude that Washington street cars run "every now and then" doubtless starting from some ini- tial point Gin accordance with a pre-arranged time table) at regular intervals, but losing the regularity with great promptness When the car comes and your nostrils are greeted with whiff of smoke from the more or less vile cigar or more or less sickening cigarette, you wonder what kind of city it is where men and boys are permitted to smoke on either platform of the street cars even in summer, when doors and windows are all wide open. Indeed, it is such consummate nuisance it is surprising that nothing more is done to suppress 1t than an occasional growl in the papers. You will find your anger somewhat appeased when you pay your fare and ascertain that you can buy interchangea- ble tickets (good on any line in the city) for cents each, and can ride on some of the special lines considerable distance-say two n1iles-for three and even two cents!
 It is when you have occasion to purchase any s.nall article to replenish your stock that you begin to realize the smallness of the place. If you need something that is never so little beyond the line of standard toilet wants you probably won't find it and not only that, but you will probably be told there IS no such thing manufactured. have been told so several times. You think you will patronize such and such store. We'll, then, you won't! The sales s'ladies" and sales gentlemen" Ewere ever two words so ah.sed as are those two?) will see to it that whatever of patronizing is to be done they will do, for never have I seen their superciliousness, their ilI-manners and their impudence equalled. If they condescend to notice you at all it will be to tell you (almost before you have expressed your wants) they know just what you wish and have exactly the article and then proceed to show you anything they can lay hand on. You naturally remonstrate and, if you are not told in so many words that they know what you want better than you do yourself, you are so thoroughly i'm pressed with the fact that that is their opin- ion, you either march out from frying pan into fire" or meekly submit to these superior beings and buy what you do not want. And if your attendant I use the word with the utmost respect, and mean to cast no asper- sion on the dignity of lofty souls who for consideration condescend to insist that I mean silk underclothing when I ask for me- rino handkerchiefs) is a sales gentleman, the chances are very strong that he will en- ploy his time principally in squirting tobacco juice throughout the entire interview, CO., vertly, but none the less apparently, if you are a woman, boldly with a familiar of course you do it yourself insolence if you are man. The filthy trick of splitting is most disgustingly prevalent here in Washington nor is it confined to the tobacco chewers alone. Everywhere, in stores, halls cars, public buildings and places of amusement, men and boys seem to spit to relieve the mo- notony of existence. I can't really wonder that English cynic said ssThe average American first spits." I wish, when see the magnificent marble and tesselated floors de- filed by nasty tobacco stains, that 8 few of tue perpetrators of these outrages could be subjected to the same training we give young puppies to make them clean about 8 house, .. c., rub their noses in their own filth
 If you happen to be out after dark, soon after your arrival, and the moon ought to be shining, you will find yourself recalling whatever you may have heard of the 'parish lantern" You will look in vain for street lamp, for the gas company will not light one on nights when the moon should shine, though it might 'srain cats and dogs and hail omnibuses D This bit of provincialism is carried to such an extent that the hours of lighting and extinguishing the street lamps, dependent on the rising or setting of the moon are given in the daily papers. Some of the members of Congress are trying to have this remedied, but the Washington Cas- light company is pretty strong corporation, not disposed to do more than 1t is obliged to for the comfort and convenience of the citizens, and 1t would be subjected to cer- tain inconvenience if compelled to keep the street lamps burning every night.
 It would seem difficult to get astray here, for the principal streets are either lettered or numbered and cross each other at right an- gles, and the houses are all numbered regu- larly, each block beginning with 8 new hun dred. Yet the criss cross avenues, and an oc- casional odd street tucked in between the larger ones for block or so, are somewhat puzzling to strangers, making the services of policeman very valuable at times, but the tsbobbies'' are just as hard to find in the out lying parts of Washington as in any other plaee-in fact little more so. Yet when one "heaves in sight" he is to be recognized at long range by the vast quantity of tin plate on hat, breast and belt the wealth of color on hat and billy, and by the general ''heavy vilIain'' make-up-just the sort of combina- ton chosen for the first uniform when a lit tie town feels it's importance so much as to need something more than a constable to keep the peace.
 Yet, while there is plenty to laugh at here in the pretentiousness of place and people, it isn't fair to growl much, for after all, 1t is pretty nearly No Mans Land. Property owners have no vote, unless they can claim a residence elsewhere, and as Congress passes the city ordinances and District laws as well as the longest and most comprehensive ssAct.'' one cannot expect the members to give much attention to minor details that seldom concern them personally, when they have wider swaths to cut or axes to grind. I have no doubt you know it, MT. Editor, but wonder if it won't be bit of news to