Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1883-05-13
wnsx TnE INDIANS ARE Clva.axx,.

A paper that believes the Indians can
be civilized says that, at any rate. il von's
take any longer than il did to ciyilixs
wnite men. They have been engaged in
the business only LOO years, and loo
years hence the red men NAV be vhere
the white men arc now. This il cer
tainiy hopeful. Il would be worth living
Tor. 20 see the Indians an civilized az
Wnite men are now. When the Indians
are civilized, instead Of wearing blank
cts and robes, and killing their enemies
or each other with bows and arrows, they
VII! wear brecches and have hip pockets
ana whip ont tfseir revolvers and :" get
the drop on their foes.
when the Indians arc civilized, instead
OF being able-bodied campers living on
government rations, they will be fat and
prosperous agents, belonging to some
ring and making their fortunes by cheat
Ing the Chinese or the Nexicans, or what
ever may be the name of the national
pauperB At that date, of their beef and
pork, their blankets and beads.
When the Indians are civilized, some
OF them will be bunkO- steeTers" and
confidence men in the most enlightened
and cultured metropolis Of the country.
Ihey Will plunder susceptible old states
men OF their cash or blackmaii their
families There will be far more excite
ment IN this than In hunting buffalo or
trapping elk.
When the Indians are civilized, instead
OF lying in ambush for United States
soldiers or emigrant families, they will
be haltinR railroad trains and cleaning
out the express messengers and the pas
ssn9ers, or plundsring banks and shoot
ing the cashiers. When some other
brave comes up behind and shoots
chief, the corpse will be ceYemonioualy
handed over to the care Of the Great
Spirit for the entertainment and edit
cation of the whole tribe. The squaw
mother will say shat her dear boy Shoot
sm-a1sight in better of in the happy
hunting grounds than he would be on
this planet. The whole tribe will come,
by all the railroad trains and private
conveyances to be had, to $50 the fun:
the warriors will sit around and chant
the death song; and the head medicine
man. afraid that 5000 friend of the de-
ceased wall plug his mouth up with lead
II hs refers to tho corpsc's methods Of
making cOrpses of other people, will
have big talk" full Of comfort for
the mour ncrs.
Wn0n tue Indians are civilized, IL
Shacknasty Charlie fails to get his share
Of the plunder when the Man who led
ths-half breeds il chosen chief Of the
tribe and grabs all the wampum, he will
come up behind the new chief and shoot
him in the back. After the chief il dead
and council Of sachems Is called to say
what shall be done with Charlie, he will
paint his face, howl, execute a war
dance, call bad names, making the head
saChem laugh, and year or two after
his crime, perhaps, be hung for it. In
the meantime he will take in good deal
OF wampum by selling copies Of his to-
tenn and his picture.
When the Indians are civilized like
white men they will no longer descend
on white settlers and rob them of their
stock and scalp the owners-at least not
on the plains. They will 90 into Wall
street and do 1t. Some Of them will cor
raj $lO.O00,0O0 or $lC0.0O0,O00 Of New
York Central, Wabash or Western Union
and rush of with wild whoop and build
bigger and splendider wigWams than
were over seen before. We don't wonder
that the people are hopeful about the
Indians, and believe they can become as
civilized rs white people.