davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
HUMOROUS.

-Pill-makers are among the most eX.
pert boxers. .-LoweH Courier.
In these days it should be changed
around so as to read: 'Where there's a
will there s way to break it"
Never sit without coat at an open
window when heated. - Graphic. 1t has
been scientifically determined that
there is nothing more absolutely danger
Gus than heated open window
Chicago Inter Ocean.
1t does look sometimes as if the
only way to stop these interminable
disasters at sea would be to adopt Max
Adeler's suggestion of having a man
walk along the bottom and hold the
blamed things up with pole.
"Do you believe that woman
nowadays, would die for the object of
her lovep" asked bachelor friend. "I
don t know whether she'd die or not, !"
answered the benedict, "but I've known
her to go wild when the trimming didn' {
suit her. .-Brookiym Eagle.
An Englishman shooting small
game in Germany said to his host that
there was spice of danger in shooting
in America. .'Ah," said the host,
"you like danger NIT your sportp Then
you 90 shooting nit me. The last time
| shoot mine bruder-in-law in the
schtomack." Chicago Herald.
Explaining the tracks: Mistress
(who has long suspected her servant
Of having a follower and thinks she has
caught her at last)-" Mary, your mas
large foot-marks; can you explainP''
Nv cir 10. y r.
been here and she's got the gout so bad
she has to wear big boots. London
Judy.
Little Mrs. Whedleim spent forty
five minutes in n vain effort to convince
Mr.. w. that sealskin sacQue was nee
essary to her existence. Then she
startled him by the question: John,
hadn't you better sell me for car
wheel?" "Whyr' "Because I've got a
cast-iron Hub" She got the sacque. =
Pittsburgh Telegraph.
-"By Jove!" exclaimed Adolphus.
stroking the capillary suggestions on
his superior lip; 1.-THE fellows say that q
mustache hides the expression of a fel-
lows face, and they're all going to
shave before taking part in our theatri
GALS" "How fortunatcn' was the
sympathetic reply OF Julia; "you won'l
have TO shave, will you?" Boston
Transcript. n
Two little girls, one eight years old
the other six, sleep in the same cham
ber. In the morning the oldest one
says: 80, have had such II nice
dreamr' "What was itp' 81 was in
a large pastry cook-shop, and l ate as
many cakes, strawberry and bon
bons as wanted" "Was with youP''
asked the little one. "No." And the
little one began to sob.-Paris W..
"A New York dress-maker has bull
a dress containing eighteen hundred
buttons. When the edicts of fashion
compel man to wear coat and pai
of trousers with eighteen hundred but
tons there's going to be trouble and pro
fanity-especially il he is member of
lire company and there is an alarm a
midnight. Half of the town would b'
burned down before he had buttoneC
the ten hundredth button, -NorTiStow
| IIo,.0IH .
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

said Hetty; "for, after all, money isn't
everything.n e
1t seemed too sudden to last, I" said
Mrs. White. ~ never trust these law
yers." l 81
SO the good souls comforted him,
and after while, when he asked Hetty
to take little walk with him, she con-
sented. 1922
There was little park on the OPP
posite side of the street, and though
the gates were locked they walked
around its ratings. Their talk was long
and earnest, and at last Timothy said;
"Well. Hetty, poor as am, will you
promise to marry me some dayp"
And she had answered, Eyes, Tim"
very simply--and so it was settled; and
for a young man, recently reduced from
ailluence to poverty, Mr.. Bloom certain
ly looked very happy rs they went home
together. But 1t was only when Mrs.
White had given her loving consent to
his marrying Hetty when they had
enough for bread and butter that he
made confession:
II can't keep it to myself any longer.
! grandma. l wrote that letter myself.
! Pm as rich rs / ever was, and I've
tested my friends. Old Crabbe has
proven false, and you have proven true.
| | felt sure about Hetty all the while
! and when we are married you must live
; with us, and there shall be no more
hard work and boardcrs for you in this
world, you dear old soul"
After which the reader is to under
stand wedding and happy life fol
all. -Ndry Kyle Dallas. IN NJ y. Ledger.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
A Brave and Faithful Guardian OF Our
Homes ana Property Rescued from I'm
,.,tpcnt Peril.

A Brave and Faithful Guardian OF Our
mincnt Peril.
Avrnr popular ard wen lknown member os our po.
lice forcc who performed duty twelve years at tho
Union II. II Depot, on Exchange Place, In Provi'
dence, n. l.. gives his unsolicited testimony Hear
him;
~ have been drcadfuily troubled with disease ofthe
Kidneys and Liver during the past six months, attimes
was 80 severely AFFLICTED that unable stand on
my feet my feet and lower parts of my legs were
very badly swollen my urinary organs were In adread
full condition my blood was In wretehed state, nndit
had become impoverished and circulated 80 poorly
that my hands and feet would be cold and numb and 80
white as to appear feess could not rest nighs but
waa distressed all over that could not lie It'll In
bed, but would keep turning and rolling from one side
TO the other all night so that would feel more tired
and exhausted In tho morning than when wontto bed
My condition became 80 serious that was obliged TO
stop work. and for thirty days unable to bo on
duty. consulted the best doctors and tried the nu-
mcrous medicines and so called cures, but rapidly
grew worse and was In sad condition every way when
long. time valued friend of mine, prominent in this
city In large express company urged me to try Hunts
Remedy, as he had known wonderful cures effected
by IL. Upon his representation obtained two bottles
OF It and commenced taking II "a directed,
and greatly to my surprise in less than twcntyfour
hours commenced to fcclrelieycd was In an awful
condition when Ibcgan TO take Hunts Remedy, andhad
no faith In IL; therefore, when found almost mmodi
alto relief, evou In days of IL. my heart
made glad, and assure you continued 70 take II
and TO improve constantly from day TO day.
took 1t with on my trip to Maine, for l was bound
to have with oil the time. and the result ia that
improved speedily all the time was away; and ever
since my arrival home which was several weeks ago.
Ihave been duty every day feel hrst rate, and
the swelling ofhand, feet and legs have disappeared
md the terrible backache, which used to bother
more than all the rest, troubles more and sleep
spenddly nights and surely have very excellent and
forcble for speaking in praise of Hunts Rem
edy, for It has made new man of me- don't know
what should have done without Hunts Remedy It II
the best medicine that took and very gladly
recommend It to all who afiicted with kidney Of
liver disease, or diseases of the urinary organs
Respectfully, ISAAC W. FARBRoTuHn."
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
A CHANGE IN FORTUNE.

Mr.. Timothy Bloom, salesman in Mr..
Crabb's big retail dry-goods store, was
stealthily eating his lunch in dusty
corner amongst some empty packing
boxes. 1t was not n very good lunch,
and warm as the day was, he had but
one glass of ice water to drink with it.
A very mild, pleasant-looking young
fellow was Timothy Bloom, with eyes
Ike a pretty girls, and fair hair parted
down the middle;.but he was rather
doleful ut this moment, for Crabbe. SEN
ior, had just been abusing him for per-
hitting lady, who was not to be suit
ed by mortal salesman, to get of with
out buying anything, and had likewise
informed him that he had been five Sec
onds late that morning and would in
consequence "be deducted an eighth
on Saturday evening.
That was not pleasant, and Mr..
Crabbe manner was not pleasant, and
the dusty corner and the stale sand
wich were not pleasant. And who can
wonder that poor Timothy Bloom, look
ing up at a row of decorated corset
boxes above his head, and taking his
idea from the winged infant pictured
upon them, remarked, under his breath:
II wish l was n cherub."
At this moment, even as the wish
i'uttered up to the corset boxes, little
boy; about three feet high, bearing on
his bosoh.a badge with the enormous
number lls": came around the counter,
ana nxed MS patnetlc eyes on Mr.
blooms glass OF water,
~ say, MIR. bloom he whispered,
pathetically' won't you give me just n
mouthfui OF that waterF Mr.. Crabbe
says us cashes am to have no drinks,
+. and I'm chokin."
Mr.. Bloom smiled pitifully at the
child, iorlorn Widows bread-winner,
and said mildly, us he held out the
glass:
Here, Johnny, take half I'd let
you have 1t all II we were not limited to
one glass ourselves.
.Guess water is gettin' dear" said
Johnny, eagerly swallowing the share
allowed OF the cooling draught, but
scrupulously careful not to exceed the
permission.
"Thank zee. You're brick. Mr..
Bumps hit me lick when j asked him.
Here, have the paperP A customer left
it on the desk. Save it for me to take
home to mar when / go home tonight.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
Two Very "Thick" Friends.


Is there anything more awkward than
to have a man rush at you as an old and
dear friend when the most frantic efforts
of your memory fail to recall either his
face or his namep
Last Monday friend of mine in the
rotunda of the Capitolsa saw tall, elegant
young fellow rushing toward him, his
face wreathed in smiles of delight. My
friend could notrecall him, but he smiled
in return, as the fellow grasped him by
the hand and said: .'Old fellow, how
are youp I am glad to see you. /
have not seen you for some time"
The gentleman addressed could have
sworn that he had never set eyes on his
alleged friend. The conversation be-
gan so ardently by the party of the first
part soon languished. The enthusiastic
stranger, with ashade of embarrassment
on his face said:
'By the way, as well as know you,
/ cannot for the life of me recall your
name" zr
The gentleman thus addressed said,
with complacent grin, "As well as l
know you l cannot call your name,"
"My name is Montgomery" said the
stranger. G
my name is Williams" was the. re-
ply to this.
80" said my friend, 81 can place
you now. You were formerly Marshal
of the United States Court at Yokohama,
Japan"
/ never was in Japan in my life. But
1 can locate you better than that. You
arein the Army or the Navy"
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

j. Gray, DApEvILLE. ALA, writes us: Ihave
been using your DIR. WM. Halls BALsAM FOR
THE LUSGs, and | can say, Of truth, it is far
superior to any other Lung preparation In the
world. My mother was confined to her bed
four weeks with cough, and had every atten-
tion by as good physicians as there are in the
country, and they all failed to effect cure; but
when l got one bottle ofyour DIR. WM HALL 8
BALsAM FOR THE LUNGS, she began to mend
right away. can say in truth, that IT WAS
THE MEANS OF SAVING HER LIFE. / knew Of
five cases that DIR. VIM. Halls Balsam has
cured, and my mother is better now than she
has been for twenty years. .t.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

THERE Is an anecdote a1oat which makes n
tender appeal to every man who has had the
toothache. We have read It again and again,
with fearful eyes, because 1t brings up 30
many fond memories Of the past There are
that exquisite one when. seated in the dem
lists chair, you see flashing before your
amazed eyes the forceps which are about to
perform nn urgent duty. At that time your
birth seems to be the worst thing that ever
happened to you. The beads Of agony are on
your trow, and the smiling operator is q
doublc-dyed demon. When a gentleman on
the parlor floor heard n terrible noise, fall,
o crash above him, he inquired IL q murder
was great deal nearer the truth than he
dreamed. But his friend quieted his alarm
by saying, with bland smile: "oh, don't be
troubled; that is nothing. The doctor has
got another man down and Is persuading him
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

"A party of Hungarions and Irish
stopped John Wallace near his home, a
short distance from Willamsport, to ask
him the way to Rockport. Because he
could not understand what they said one
of them raised his hand as II to strike
him and he fell dead. The men ran
away.in fright and IL was reported that
they had murdered him. IL has been
shown that he died from heart-disease,
which was suddenly aggravated by the
excitement. philadelphia Press.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

A New York artist, a woman, whose
husband and son had both been ruined
by liquor, recently painted a picture for
which Stokes, slayer of Jim Fisk, and
proprietor of the Hoffman House bar
room, offered her large sum of money.
On learning, however, that it was to be
used to attract drinkers to his saloon she
refused to make the sale.-M. Y. Sun.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

DIR. R. v. PIERCE, Buffalo, N. Y: Dear Sil
Il was sick for six years, and could scarcely
walk about the house. My breath was shor
and / suffered from pain in my breast ant
stomach all the time; alsos from palpitation
and an internal fever, or burning sensation
and experienced frequent smothering or chok'
ing sensations. / also suffered from pain low
down across my bowels aud In my back, and
was much reduced in flesh. 1 have used you
"Golden Medical Discovery" and "Favorit
Prescription" and feel that am well.
Very respectfully,
DELILAH b. MCMILLAN, Arlington, Ga.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
A Few ont.Door sports.

Lawn Tennis, boating, fishing, hunting,
healthful glow to the cheeks and a buoyancy
to the spirits. AL invalids suffering. from
dyspepsia, kidney or liver troubles, bilious
ness, &c, can by using few bottles of Mish-
ler's Herb Bitters, costing olly 81 n bottle,
participate in all these health-gying recrea-
tions. Try it. The experiment is cheap, and
the result certain.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
Important Legal Decision.

$50 you say he called you liar and
kicked you twice. Now what did you
give him back in return for these as
setsP' inquired the Austin Recorder OF
the accused tfH
~ just kicked him twice and called
him liar" was the reply.
Did you kick him with the same
emphasis with which he kicked you,
and on the same portion of his bodyP"
81 did, your honor"
"Then you paid him back just as
much as you gotp"
"I did,.
"Then / dismiss tho case. This
court holds that where litigants among
themselves harmoniously make a friend.
ly exchange, each one receiving valu-
able consideration for services rendered
the arrangement between them will moi
be disturbed, the object of the law 10
ing to promote the harmonious rela
tions already established. "-Ieras Sftt
ilgs.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

*.x"Test mans profession by his practice.
Physician, heal thyseifl" Physicians not
only heal themselves with Kidney Wort, but
prescribe it for Others for the worst cases of
biiousness and constipation, as we'll as for
kidney complaints. lfyou feel out Of sorts
AMI don't know why, try package OF Kid
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

"DR. BENsoN's Celery and Chamomile Pills
for the cure of Neuralgia are o success.n-Dr.
G, P. Holman, Christianburg, Va 81 cents
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

FOR weak lungs, splitting of blood, shortness
of breath, consumption, night sweats and all
lingering coughs, DIR. Pierces Golden Medi-
cal Discovery" is a sovereign remedy. Superior
to cod liver oil. By druggists.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

GENrLEMES who witnessed the quail.eat.
ing performance at Gabe Case's say that the
wager was won by the aid OF Gastrine, the
only liquid which was drunk with the repast
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

The word seisologist does not mean
a policeman, but man who makes a
study of the laws governing earthquakes
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

'I'M happy to say DR.. Be,iSon's Skin Cure
has cured my Eczema Of the scalp, Of four years
stdndingn John A. Andrews, Atty at Law,
Ashton, ILL., 81 at druggists. Endorsed by
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

The New York Commercial Adper-
Gser says that II is difficult TO conceive
how SO large and unwieldly n body as
II railroad car could he smugglcd, and
yet the Toronto car work people NJ
London, Ont. declare that y 10000
worth of American cars have been
smuggled into Canada. il would moi
surprise up "a hear that nnenthe court
house had uud It's way into the DC
minlon
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

"BucHUpAIBA." Quick, complete cure, all
annoying Kidney Diseases. 81.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

4 cooPER-sHoP must be sorrowful place.
You always find the barrels in tiers.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

DoS'T DIE IN THE HOUSE. "Rough on Rats" I"
Clears out rats, mice, reaches, bed-bugs. l5c.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

IT is very small rotate, either in the veg.
etable or animal world, that is most likely TO
be mashed.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

-- Cancers and Other Tumors
are treated with unusual success by World
Dspensary Medical Association, Buffalo. N
Y. Send stamp for pamphlet.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
DEL1IAH B. MoMILLAN, Arlington. Ga.


THE toothless man ought to be asweet talk
er, for all his words must Of necessity be gum
drops.-Atldntd Constitution.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
personali

THE voLrAIc BELT Co., Marshall, Mich, win
send DR.. Dyes Celebrated Electro Voltnfc
Belts and Electric Appliances on trial for
thirty days to men (young or old) who are al.
hicted with nervous debility, lost vitality and
complete restoration of health and manly yigor.
Address as above. N. B.-No risk is incurred.
as thirty davis trial is allowed.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

A MANS mind is like his bed. 1t must b
made up occasionally. E
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

No RESPECTABLE tailor ever pants for fame
it's something he never invests In.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

A TELEGRAPH wire is like o mustache. 1t
is of no use when it isdown.LN. o. Picdvline.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

A BOARD full of nails is tho worst we ever
SAW Y NenS. ,,. .,..
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

ONE way to give a man ga chance to rise in
the world"-knock him down
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

A YOUNG man whose girls name was Susan
said that when he left this world he wanted to
do SO by Suey's side.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

A SLIGHT COLD, II neglected, often attacks
the lungs. "Bro,pn's Bronshiat Troches" give
sure and immediate relief Sold only IN 5ooes.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

Hale's Honey OF Horehound and Tar
Has cured many people OF coughs. Pixies
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

THE latest thing in homes-Husbands.- ~.
y. JOurndl ------
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

THE man who was "largely Instrumental'
was probably of mechanical turn of mind.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

CuRoLlrHIoN Collars and Cuffs for gen
tlemen are easily washed and do net require
iroaing.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

THE man who was hanged at the yard.arm
had his obituary under the head OF "Ship
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

SELL your refuse grease from the kitchen,
buy Wise's Axle Grease and save money.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
An Open
eG Secret.

The fact is well understood
that the M EXICAN NUS
TANG LINIMENT is by far
the best external known for
man or beast. The reason
why becomes All "Open
secret when we explain that
"Mustang'' penetrates skin,
flesh and muscle to the very
bone, removing all disease
and soreness. No other lini-
ment does this, hence none
other is so largely used or
does such worlds Of good.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

WHY don't you use st. Patrlck's Salvei Try
II. Use II. 25c at all druggists.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

STRAIGnTEN your old boots and shoes with
Lyons Patent Heel Stitfeners, and wear them
again. Sold by shoe and hardware dealers.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

ENClNESfs$sss' g. s S!:s't s fi:s e.
write THE AULTMAN q TAYLOR CO.. Mansfield. o.
A GENTS WANTED for the Bestsnd Fastest.
"A selling Pictorial Books and Bibles; Prices reduced
50 per cent NATIONAL PUBLisHlSo To-, Phnada, Pa
G1nA WEEK. sl2 day at home easily mada
Di Costly outnt tIsa Addr's True &Co- August<- No.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02
TRY the new brand, "spring Tobacco"

REppINd's Russia Salye is the most wonder
full healing medium in the world. Try 1t.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

YOUNG MEN ysG Dos'5 nsp5 70 sS Learn a. TssEP ssgl,n u
situation. address vALgHTisK Bios. Janesyle. VIA.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

(lOLEaAy BUSINESS COLLEGE, Newark, y; j.
" WrIItc FOR cataloguc Coleman Palms Proprs'
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

1HAEn Who'll sale and retail Send 6r pree.lI
~ mi X Goods sent q. o. ID. Wigs made TO order.
IlHlll Z. DuRNMAM. n State Street ChleaGo.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

CURE poison sores with wise's Axle Grease.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

q pe A WEEK In your own town. Terms and
1OO IS outnt free Addrs H. HalieltkCo Portland.As.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-03-02

Ir afflicted with Sore Ewes, use DIR. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell It, 25c.