Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-04-30

The gossip is like a bicycle, in that she
is exceedingly liable to run person
down.
The Major, new Georgia paper, edited
by s'Old Si,"puts up the following motto:
''Never in war, always at peace, and anx-
ious to be in the pockets of his country
men,"
When dishonest cashier runs off with
the bank funds, the directors are 'sur-
prised and panied" When an honest
cashier asks for an increase of $1.50
month the directors are Mortified.
Standing before clergyman who was
about to marry him, a rustic was asked,
s'Wilt thou have this woman?" etc. The
man Stared in surprise and replied, SAY,
surelyl Why, kummed a-puppus?'
"Why do you call the man that gets
married the groom, pa?" asked little
boy. ssBecause he curries favor with his
mother-in- law" was the reply, "and tries
to saddle his debts on his wife's father"
A man at hotel fell the whole length
of a flight of stairs. Servants rushed to
pick him up They asked him if he was
hurt 'sNo,'' he replied, mot at all. I'm
used TO coming down that way; I'm an
agent"
An old citizen in a country village being
asked for subscription toward repairing
| the fence of the graveyard, declined, say
| ing: s.I subscribed toward improvin' that
burryin'- ground nigh onto 40 years ago,
and my family haint had no benefit from
it yet.''
A farmer wants to know where the red
ears of corn come from. Ii he lives where
husking bees are popular, they probably
come from the red kernels which his
daughters slip into the seed-bag. little
knowledge of human nature will solve
many hard problems.
A Yorkshire village school, in 1774, ex-
hibited on a sign the following specimen
of the learning to be had within ''Wright-
en- Readden and Trew Spellen and allsG
Marchants Ackounts with double Entery
Post Skript GIRLS and Bouys Boarded ant
good Yozitch for children"
The obliging visitor, to show that he i:
really fond of children, and that the neal
little one is not annoying him in the least
treats him to ride on his knee. ''Trot
trot, troll How do you like that, m.
boy? Is that nice?" eyes sir, replied
the child, s'but not so nice as on the rea
donkey in the park-the one with tn
four legs
The janitor's wife and one of her dis
tinguished friends are discussing tn
death of the old lady on the second floor
and the great grief of the old lady
daughter 81 tell you, it's no trif1in
thing to lose your MOTHER says the Wis
itor, decidedly. "No, indeed" says tn
ianitor's wife, with conviction. 'Rathe
than lose ones mother it is better neve
to have had one!"
A clergyman applied at the railroa
ticket-office for a half-rate ticket, whic
it was usual to sell to gentlemen of th
| CLOTH He was rather youthful looking
i and the ticket-seller inquired, "Are you
Clergyman" Quick as thought the youn
& divine began to open his grip-sack, sa.
: ing, sIll read you one of my sermons
The ticket-seller handed over the halfra
ticket with the utmost rapidity.
e. McMurtry brought home a bottle
to arsenic for use on the rats. To preve
[. accidents, he wrote on the bottle in b
ne ne letters the word "Poison." 'But VIII
to good will that do?" asked Mrs. Ma
s'the children can't read.' ''True, l
piled McMurtry; ssI didn't think of that
: Then he wrote beneath the label, ssTf
says poison 'sThere," he added, enc
they will know what it says"
The following notice was posted up
. North Shields '.Whereas several idle a
he disorderly persons have lately made
'eo practice of riding on an ass belonging
!, Mr.. -, the head of the Ropery stall
now, least any accident should happen,
takes this method of informing the pub
that he has determined to shoot the S
ass, and cautions any person that may
riding on it at the same time to take c.
IN of himself, lest by some unfortunate n
the ,1,,,a - - +bo ,,,ro,er o,,.
the tahe nc oHouio ohooo 'nN "Ao ~
It, FoUR LIVES SAvED.-Dr. Bulls Cough syruI
. ieyed four of my children Of the most alarming at
sick of whooping cough. from which their throats
. .eu, necks became SO swollen to prevent them
IS in | swallowing. Nothing would give them even ten
'aek airy relief until this syrup tired. One bottl
stail -. ,o, ,,,a;r ,;vos 7 ,e,i,y ba,iara nae
Co., ohe usn'' '"'e' '--''
Earhalt, captain of police Baltimore Nd.