The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-03-16
THE DAILY BULLETIN.
A LECTURE ON SCIENCE.
Prof HOldback Remington Before the
Lime Kiln Club.

Bro. Gardner announced TO the club
that the great colored Ohio scientist and
philosopher was present in the ante
room, shivering with cold and impa-
thence, He had been in the city three
days, during which time he had frozen
his heels and discovered that the sun
was 100000 miles nearer the earth at
Detroit than in Cleveland.
The committee on reception then
drew on their new mittens and disap-
peared in search Of the distinguished
visitor.
Close upon the heels of a lamp explo-
sion in the northwest corner of the
room, which knocked Judge Cadaver
off his stool and flung Walkaround
Skiyers halfway through window,
came the noble professor. II he could
have been Strengthened up by means of
jack-scrcws he would have stood six
feet high, and few bricks in his pock-
cts would have brought his weight up to
l20 pounds. He had piercing eye,
q nose rather on the door-knob order,
and his mouth at once betrayed great
force of character. He was conducted
TO the platform, formally introduced,
and as he moistened his bronchial tubes
with few swallows of hard cider, he
led off with:
my frens, he began, IL has bin in
wited TO spoke to you on de subjeck of
science. has no doubt dat some of
you has heard de word spoken, or seen
It in print at sometime, but bow little dc
majority of you have cher realized de
beauties, de extent, an de power of
science, Science has had hard strug-
gle, but she am now top of de heap
an kin reward her frens an forgive her
enemies How do we know dat de airth
revolves on her axel-trees, same as de
wheels OF wagin? Science has told
us. How do we know how TO cross de
oshun? Science pints de way. How do
We know dat de great desert of Sa-hary
was once an oshun? Science has dug
down an foun' clam shells and sharks
jaw-bones. Widout science we should
be a world widout oyer-coats in winter
Or sodywater in summer. We would
fall from harvest apples trees an pick
ourselves up widout KNOWN wheder
grabitashun or agitashun made us cum
down instead Of goin' up. We should
see de moon, same as now, but some
would say it was inhabited by monkeys
an odders would have an ideah dat it
was a splendiferous locality for per-
simmon grove. De sun would rise an
sot an warp de shingles on de roofs,
but men would 90 round blufiin' fur
bets dat she wasn't fifty miles away an
was held in place by wires. "
Here the orator paused to scratch his
back and take another drink of cider,
and amidst a stiffness almost solemn he
continued
Science has done much, but. ii hash I
done nuf 1t has giben us de marin
er's compass, but we have no masheen
shops whar' bow-leggcd men kin drap
in on DER way up home an git crook
Strengthened while dey wait. 1t has
giben us steam, but we still crawl under
de house to thaw ont frozen water-pipes
de same as de Roman Senators did o.
600 Vars ago. 1t has giben us grand
suspenshun bridges, but whar' am de
gas-metre which registers in favor oh
de consumer? 1t has giben Us de tele-
graf, but what man among you cher
sot eyes on boot-jack which wouldn't
miss cog jist when you war pullin' on
wet boot de hardest? 1t hastunneled
frcw mountains, but we hab foun no
better way oh making de baby swallow
caster lie dan by holdin' its nose, same
as Eve held Cain and Abel's in de be-
ginnin'.
''My frcns. did not come here to ex-
pecterate YOU wild tiresome infatua-
ton. Heed well what | have said.
Snug up to science. She will keep you
cool in summer an prevent de shrinkin'
Of your winter ilannels 1t is a deep
subjec for research an imcompatibility,
an trustin' dat each one of you may alb
dicate de rolleXun of de consequential,
will draw my brilliant climax 10 ca
recr."