The Benton weekly record., 1883-03-24
MARCH MERHI MItST.

y A kpntuckian who put lighted pipe
and some powder in the same pocket, is
now done up in sweet oil and cotton.
When il Democratic editor wri es two
Ehundred-line editorial on ''rhe Suicepti-
bllity Of The African Race to the Influence
of Civilization" +" it means his coloredswash-
erwoman has agreed to take out her bill
in Old exchanges in lieu Of actual cash.
Teas Sjtings.
AngeIisi, Bellevue: "And do you look
so much like yoar brother?' Augustus
Belletgre: "Dromio of Ephesus looked no
more like the Dromio of Syracuse" An
geica Bellevue Il beg your pardon,
what is the name Of your friend in SYRIA
/ cuse? | have cousin in Syracuse
An Englishman shooting small game in
Germany, said to his host that there was q
spice Of danger in shooting in FAmerica.
"Ah" said the host, ''you like danger
NIT your sport? Then you go out shooting
nit me. The last time | shoot mine brnd-
/ der-in-law in the schtomack."
I A train was carrying q clergyman and
/ five or six youths, who kept scoffing at re-
ligon and telling diSagreeable stories. The
good man endured it all, simply remark
ing, as he got out, "We shall meet again. y
why shall we meet again" said the lead
er of the band Because am "A prison
rhar,i.iu ,; y-as tho ranjy
"Whoshe 'lected Senator, Jim?" said
one Of two beery individuals as they came
to the left face with d ,lrch in front of the
journal bulletin last Wednesday,. "Don't
know which fellel's 'lected," said the in
terrosated, blinking at the bulletin board |;
''but nescheshary f. choice got the most
votes"
The members of the Medical Club were
summoned to attend a regular meeting at
DR.. Paine's, in the following classic style
'-seiens, Socialite, Sobriete. Doctores
Ducum mex mundi nitu Panes; trlticum
at ait. Expecto meta fumen tn re and eta
beta pi. Super attento uno sdnx hamor
clam patti, sum parates, homlne, ices, jam,
etc. Sideror hoe. ''Festc resonan hoas
sole"
A Washington newsboy one day cried
out: "A great battle in Alabama" and
ON the strength of the announcement solo
ii paper to Il colonel, who ran his eyes
eagerly over the columns for that battle in
Alabama. He didn't find ii, and called
ont, '1You little rascal, IcannOt see any
battle here!' No" answered the boy, as
he wiiened the gap between himself ant
+ the officer ''and you never will see one i
you loaf around this ere hotel.''
French joke, literally translated by ;
, student in The New York World office
5 a mister strong elegant passes before ;
poor He feels at her pocket. Not of lit
ties pennies. He is already passed when
remorse takes him. He recomes upon thei
, stepes and gives apiece Of 10 pennies. Th
{, mendicant, a man modest wi hout doubt
j res-s stupetiel before the little coin white
/ and full Of delicacy: ''Ten pennies! Oh
thank, mister! But and you?'
!, II saw YOU at the funeral the other day.
] said one lady to another yesterday. Yes
y saw yuu top.' II never heard NOR
!, affecting funeral sermon; did yon?'
q Never. AnAjust think If, when every
7 body was crying reached for my hand
i kerchiet, and found, to my horror, that ]
2 vas a red one | had in nv pocket.
! Goodness. What did yon do?" why
didn't cry. How could |, when every
y one else in church was using white?'-
G Stockton Vail.
4 In recent conversation with Il Repabl
y can reporter III regard to conscience NOR
= ev.' smuggling, ETC., Z. $. Treasurer Gil
: filan remat kad: .Men mostly bring git
= to their sweethearts. / heard an instant
7 the other day of gentleman who returne
u from Paris loaded down with presen
!. for his wife. She admired them all an
i, was very grateful, but with true feminli
! tact she said TO him, oh, Tom. Won mn
n have been fearftlily bad abroad to brin
10 me all these olive branches.''