Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1883-02-15
PTTH AND POINT.

One lawyer in Des Moines, Iowa,
has put through 189 divorce cases within
a year. The fare to Des Moines is
about seven dollars.-CAicago Tribune.
The New York Commercial Aduer-
tiser suddenly remarks that: "The man
who bangs his hair hasn't enough sense
to blow out his brains, even if he pos
sessed any" - e
Highly sugar, coated: A. New York
divorce lawyers advertisement reads:
"Hymeneal Observation-Disclosures as a spe-
cialty, carefully adjusted. IT'S slavery
to detain the hand after the heart hath
fied.n daTTa THis.'t nF@s'iR.' 1eh.7 g. - So
"A Pennsylvania paper tells of a
family which has been poisoned by eat
like . work of supererogation to put ar
senic into pie. "A pie that can not kill a
family without the help OF arsenic is a
very weak pie indeed. -Burlington
HGeCkeye. .-,.,..,,....s-y. ~..sr. -r+.t
!. An African traveller gives q thrilling
account of vegetable vampire'--a
tree which envelopes a person with its
branches and strangles him to death.
The nearest approach we. have in this
country!to a vegetable vampire is the
ssdead beat" who also lives upon 9TH
ers.-Norrsstoaen Herald. -T..Ei '''
T-"My mothers awful fickle," said
little Edith to Mrs. Smith, who was
making call ssWhen she saw you
coming I'D the street, she said There's
that horrid Mis- Smith; hope she isn't
coming here > and minute after she told
you she was real glad to see you. Mother
says I'm tickle, but 1 guess don't
change my mind as quick as that. y
N. y Graphic. ,,..t a.a.-...
1t took me four years to save nv
first thousand dollars. 1t was saved
from soldiers pay in the army, and
the boys often said: .sCharlie, you
might as we'll spend your money, for
you may never get home to use it," 1t
required courage to resist the influence
to spend all, but the schooling of those
four years was worth more than the
thousand dollars, for / learned to save
money.-Charles W. Black. 4
An old man would not believe he
could hear his wife talk a distance of
five miles by telephone. His better half
was in a country store several miles
away, where there was telephone, and
the skeptic was also in a place where
there was similar instrument, and, on
being told how to operate it, he walked
boldly up and shouted, s'Hello, Janet"
At that instant lightning struck the
telephone-wire and knocked the man
down, and as he scrambled to his feet he
excitedly cried, ssThat's Jane every
time" -Modern Argo. i' .,'
FLAMES, dear, Reginald desires a
new sled. l think you had better get
him one.'' "What's sled good for to
him? You've brought him up to stay
in the house and look pretty. He
wouldn't know what to do with one"
ooh, don't mean one of those great
big outdoor sleds. [ mean a little
house sled that he can play with in the
front hall, dear. just to get him accus-
toned to the idea, you know" Lots Of
little Reginalds are being cultivated in
doors, and they will either go to early
graves or grow up to be fats.-Boston
Globe, ~ '. yia7snr 'i I'D 31"'
If we must talk about the weather,
why not vary the formula, sIt is a
pleasant day." Every one is tired OF
admitting that it is. Why not be scien.
accurate when one meets q
friend? The following is submitted as a
specimen dialogue: Jones-"Ah, Mr..
Smith, I see we have cloudy weather
with light rains Smith with cheer
full SMILEY -"Yes, and variable winds
shifting to colder northeasterly, station
airy or higher pressure Jones
"Quite so; but it is gratifying to know
that the rivers will remain nearly sta
tionary and that the temperature has
fallen thirty degrees in the Rio Grande
Valley. Good-morning, sir. ''-Boston
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