South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-06-15
WIT AND fIUMOR

was soliciting a'd u foreign missi ons ]
and applied to a gentle man, Who refused
him. with the reply. i don't believe in||
foreign MISSIONS. Iwsnt what l give
to benefit my neighbors.'
Well replied ne. '"hom do you re-
gard Is your neighborsf' So
WHY, those around me-
do you mean those whose land join S
yours3' inquired the minister.
'Yes.'
WELL said the minister, how much
land do you own?'
About five hundred acres
How far down do you owns'
Why / never sEought Of it before,
but suppose 1 own about half way|
through
Exactly said the Clergyman; Il sup
pose you do. and want. the ey forI
the New Zealanders- 1.-The men whose
lind joins yours or the bottom
Say Pat. what ever made you go ,o|
work for old Uncle Danf Hos the,
meanest man in the country I
Name is iif' said Pat: why sure an
he's tho foinest. aisyest-goin' master
liver l had, bedad; no gives a man Gf-
teen hours to do q days work in
Mr.. R., an Albany gentleman,
about to entertain some friends Of his
bachelor DAYS at dinner, was anxious
that hislittle daughter. whose speeches
were often very amusing, should say
something at the table that might prove
entertaining to-hs guest. Fearing the
presence of three visitors might bring
about the shyness that the child often
exhibited with strangers. he took her
aside before dinner. and said:
DO not be afraid OF these gentlemen
that will dine with us, Katy they are
old friends OF mine. Aud best los, Katy,
papa has something he wants TO teacl,
you to say
R accordingly gave the child
sentence to learn, with instructions
that she was to say it after certain
observation from h himself. to
which her reply would be most apro--
pos. Katy fell in with tho idea, and
they both prasticod their respective
little speeches until RI was salts
fed that Katy would manage her part
very creditably. I'm the midst Of din
ner R led up to the remark for
which he had prepared bis little daugh
ter, who was on the alert TO come in
with her reply, which she delivered 10
her fathc-'s entire satis faction. But
unfortunately The child was wholly IN
prepared for tue storm OF lau -;hter that
followed, nor could she understand why
her father who kn,w so well what
each was to say should be laughing as
heartily as tho rest. Only one eXpiana.
ton pr scented itself TO her: she had
undoubtedly made some mistake.
In the midst of the merriment her
answer had created she heard ore Of The
gentlemen say: That's too good to
run the risk of forgetting. l must make
note Ci that. IL -, Shes prod.
igy'
The unfamiliar word prodigy was
the last drop in katy's cup. Deeply
mortified 10y her supposed blunder, she
turned her eyes in which stood the
tears, toward her father, and said re-
proachfully, I'm sure, papa. said ex-
actly what you told me to say
1t is needles. TO add that peals Of
laughter followed this announcement.
Fred Douglass being at meeting OF
white clergymen in Boston the other
day, was called on for speech. No.
lie said, Il came here merely to give
color to the OCCASION
He sat in n railway car. His beat
was thlokiy covered with mass Of red
hair. Behind him in seat sat n man
with hardly any hair on bis bead lie
said TO him: 1 guess you wasn't a.
round when they dealt out hair oh,
yes was. replied bald head but they
offered Te lot OF rel hair, and / told
them to throw it into the ash bin.
Mamma asked little boy, now
can God near me pray when IIos Sc
far away? Before the mother could re-
ply the lal exclaimed: But know
He's dot telephones runnin TO every
place J.
PRACTIcr. The following anoclote
illustrates how thoroughly 'he late
Dr. Guthrio's holy life and efforts 20
raise the fallen had impressed even
I,-3 foIIo.,. az a., I,,.,. -,