The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-21
WIT AND HUMOE.

"Ohl why art thou not near near me, my
love" sanga serenader in GlasgOwthe other
night ana vet when the girl, who was
leaning too tar out of the window, lost her
balance and dropped right on him. the
fellow acted as confused as could be. Some
men cannot stand success Gin. Saturday
Night.
A girl seven or eight years old slipped
down on Woodward avenue the other day,
and as she was picking herself up pedes-
trian said:
Don't cry, sissy
Who's going to-" she sharply de
handed as she rose up. II guess when a girl
has got her mothers shawl on she amt
going TO let anybody know she's hurt,'-
lex.
81 have made one human being happy
to-day sand Fred Blanks to Bob Belt, an
Austin lawyer. did you send barrel OF
Hour to poor widow" asked Bob "No;
my means do not allow me to be so
extravagant, but | told an appli-
cant for position in the legisla-
ture that | knew he was going TO
get it." well, that was one of those little
courtesles that casts a ray of sunshine iAto
the troubled life of a fellow-traveler in this
vale Of tears, and which does not cost any
thing" THE mischief it didn't cost any
thing / borrowed 81 from him on the
strength ofit-'-I Texas Siitings.
He rushed in the paror without ringing
the doOr-bell and discovered light figure
sitting on sofa in q corner. He suddenly
exclaimed: "By Jove, dear Nell, | thought
| never would find you alone again, Your
mother has gone a-yisiting, hasn't she2'
YES, " responded the light figure, Nellie
goes visiting so much | am often alone.
The young man remarked the next day
that he left his hat on the piano and his
umbrella III the hail. and needed nothing
but thirty acres OF open air! Oglethropt
ga Echo.
A fair young damsel went into the bust
ness place of one of Troy most wealthy and
! kindly merchants and expressed desire tC
purchase certain article. Several speci
mems were shown her, and she finally mad,
choice of one as meeting her wishes Sh,
hesitated moment and then asked; "DC
| You make areducuon to Minister'S Yes
replied the gentemanly attendant, '"ar'
| YOU u minister's wiie?n "N-O-o,n was thu
blushing respon,e, but | expect to b,
soon" The reduction was granted Troy
| Times.
The cars coronation crown is to COS
| $500. We understand that in the con
tract it is stipulated that if the throne il
not needed the manufacturers are to take
| it back at a reduction of 20 per cent
III Rochester Post-Exchangc.
A Newton man was recently relieved of ,
bullet which he had carried ever since tn,
first battle OF Bull Run. The bullet was s
Hat rs u nickel. A thief stole his pocket
book, in which he carried the memento,-
INorristown Herald,
A young child in Oregon died from tn,
effects of swallowing the leaves Of an alma
nae. 1t is suspected that the seven-CornereC
name of new liver remedy advertised
therein stuck in the child's windplpe.-
[Norristown Herald,
"Oh, no; of course not, - said the caution
man. cot course would not want to sa,
that | am glad that old Farisee is dead. Blu
it might do no harm to express my sense o
n great relief ever since the funeral. y
Howell Courier.
A Chicago genius makes beautiful lellie
from pumpkin and apple and banana
Feelings, and Just as soon as he can make
corncob pass for a doughnut he will hay
accomplished all that can be asked of on
man,-IM. Quad,
Hoodlums in New York are said to b
thieves and villains, and hundreds Of then
are growing up TO be our worst criminals
Here is chance for missionaries from tn
South Sea islands Boston Globe.
There are thrty-two $4,000 bills in cit
CulatiOu in this country. Some one told Il
this, gs we should not like to publish sucl
n statement on our own responsibility. -
Lowell Courier