Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-06-02
snoopcndyke Turns Printer.

ooncndvke came home one night
srG;Vp a small bundle in his arms.
bfl w 4 printing press, on which l ex-
~. 20 do all my own printing here
Pit ten but isn't that lovely!" fluttered
" snoopendyke, dropping the stork
plrS' r,ilhine to her husbands side, sand
Pna l" we do the loveliest things with it!
ran !. the kind that the Herald and Sun
VI ! all those papers are printed with"
Fn '.n W. YES, Mrs. Spoopendyke,"
.v1od her husband, "you've hit it ex-
grow This is the very kind. 1 got
Ee.N bennett to kindly try it on, so as to
NJ. / + he same size as the Herald is
Pr. nand will YOU print papers with yours
A MR. Bennett and the other editors?"
a'%ahn',inued Mrs. S%poopendyke timidly.
cO. "oh. but won't I, thought" yelled
husband. eft needed a dod-gasted
oa,a i, idiot to think of that, you've
|.l,,ck the proper plan. Think you can
~ u;a. , ,5Ox6O show bill with 3x4 press?
XIII, | tell ye that We can't. Can ye
witt VT II into your measly head that this is
! a,rd press, and can only print a card
.lrsc inches by four inches?"
soh. it's a card press, is it?" ven
+nrrd Mrs. Spoopendyke; 'then we can
mint those beautiful Christmas cards
it, can't we?'
Now you've got it," yelled her hus-
apd, CHATS the idea. 1t prints in
%;rty-iye different colors at one impress
s;on, and any design, from the picture
i an old crank with a sealskin over
caat, loatine round somebody's chimney
With a game-bag full of jumping-jacks,
y with the q New Year, 1883, represented by
= hump-backed baby dressed in a broad
grin, with a napkin tiedround his waist,
driving out the old year dressed as an
old tramp with a moving machine and
4 Gallon Jug of whisky under his arm.
That's the idea, exactly. Think you
can print chromos and Autographs on
i. don't you? Well, you can't. You
can only print one color, and that is
black. Think you grasp it now?"
"Wcll," said Mrs Spoopendyke, 81
suppose you can print visiting cards on
ayes, Mrs. Spoopendyke, I can,"
said her husband, in a softer tone, and
he GREW in a much better humor as he
proceeded to show his wife the press
and exhibit his dexterity in the use of
the type and the press.
At last he got his worthy helpmeet's
name set up in type, and proceeded to
put the chase on the press with a grand
flourish. But in an evil hour he had
forgotten to key it up, and at o touch
the whole business went to pi, and at
the next fell in a confused mass all over
the carpet.
''Why, what makes it do that" said
Mrs. S~poopendyke, laughing.
What makes it do What, Mrs. S.?"
snecred her husband as he hit his head
on a II of a table in a mad dive af-
ter the type. "What dye s'pose makes
lido it! What makes anything do any
thing? If l had your talent for asking
iliotic questions I'd get a glass of beer
and a three-inch paper collar, and live
out as a prosecuting attorney"
By this time the worthy gentleman
bad got the name set up and securely
iStened, and was printing with great
!alo; but he had, unfortunately, setthe
eight perfumed visiting cards came out
like the following:
.c~hydnepoopS .srM
When Mrs. Spoopendyke saw it she
set up a little scream; "Oh, isn't that
funny, though? What makes it wrong
side up?'
'Funny!' howled.her husband, with
horrid dcrision, as he grasped the situa-
ton. Its a perfect thunderbolt of fun.
It's the most delicious humorous thing
Of the century. All you need is an adj
verlisement of liver pills on the cover,
and a joke about a goat on the first
page, to be a comic almanac. With
Your appreciation of humor, all you
need is a broad grin and $4,000 worth
Of stolen diamonds, to be the leading
comedlenne of the American boards.
vsn you see the measly types turned
NronS'' They have only got to be
turned round the other way"
After half an hour of diligent labor
Inc types were again in position, Sc
eufciy keyed up, and put on the press.
When the final arrangements were
completed, Mr.. Spoopendyke turned
IoNnd to wink at the baby, and incau-
tlonsly left his thumb over the edge of
{he press. AS luck would have it, Mrs.
spoo9pendyke, in her anxiety to show
Aer husband how well she understood
anu appreciated the press, brought the
lever down and the press closed on
!nat gentleman's thumb, making him
!1aap tour feet high, and utter an ex-
.alhatlon that would have made the
second Lieutenant of a company of
p!ales blush. 'Dod-gast the measly
printing press" he shrieked, as he
,Laslled the base burner with it, and
. .u ne threw it into the alley.
W iiaVen ye got any sense scarcely?
"ny didn't you go on with the enter
y saallent? The measly thing only got
IL lar as the bone. Why don't we fin
Nn me chapter?" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
u na,,cea upstairs, five at a time, with a
p"Itihg injunction to his wife to hire
W" .M lCr a slaughter-house.
sn, well" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, as
,av picked up the baby, and put a
rnvner OF water where her husband
w wo"lo be sure to fall over it when he
W. woI' down stairs in the morning, ''if
o nv nave SO much trouble in printing
~ "ofd, l wonder how Mr.. Bennett