The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1883-04-14
SEMI-WEEKLY MINER
The Spoopendykes in Hamlet.

Now, my DEAR" said Mr.. SD.
pendyke, Openining the book and
Stunning the correct dramatic SEQ,
Now, my dear, we'll rehearse G
parts for Specklewottle's theatriea
I'm to be Hamlet and you're to
the Queen and we want this thi,
TO 90 off right. The hardest part +,
have to play together is where 1 9
cuse you of poisoning my father, ii
we had better try that until we get
perfect. I'll commence:
ter?'"
well, 1 was thinking whether
Lad better wear my black silk or m
maroon suit" returned Mrs. Spo
pendyke, sticking her finger in,
her mouth ref1ective]y. "Do queer
wear"
Twill you be kind enough to te
me what pack of cards you got ths
ides OF queen from?" demanded NJ,
Spoopendyke, fixing his wife's ey
with q glare. "Do you suppose tina
the queen sent for Hamlet to &c
his opinion about bargains in dr.,
goods When l say that you mus
say:
Hamlet, thou hast thy fathe
much offended!'
"Oh! i understand" pleaded Mrs
Spoopendyke. 81 thought YOU
asked me what / was thinking
about. l didn't know you had com.
menced the play. Try it again.
well, you be careful this time"
recommended MI. Spoopendyke, in
tone of solemn warning. This is
a play, this is. Think you know the
difference between a play and a
bankrupt sale? Now, I'll begin
again and you try and do it decent
~"
There's nothing the matter now,
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, straight
ening up aud preparing to be queen
as o Q as her turn came. Go on,
dear, / understand it not"
Say it, can't ye?!" thundered Mr..
Spoopendyke. Haven't We studied
this business. Don't ye know your
part?"
"What shall say, DEAR" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, looking at her
husband with dazed expression.
"Say!" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke!
"Sirg a hymn. If you don't know
your part, get off a psalm! Didn't I
tell you what to say? Look here"
and ~Spoopendyke lowered his voice |
to the intense pitch. "Have you
ever read this play? Have you con-
ceived any kind of a notion Of what
it's all about?"
"Why, yes" faltered Mrs. spoop-
endyke. "You come in and stab
Mrs. Specklewottle behind the ears
and | scream. Isn't that right,
dear?"
"Hear herr" moaned MI. Spoopen-
dyke, frothing at the mouth. "Stab
Specklewottle behind the ears! That's
all right, now you scream! Scream,
why don't you? You know so much
about your part, why don't you play
it?"
"W-e-e-e-e!" squealed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, faithfully following instruc-
tons. II knew I could do it right
as soon as you showed me how. Will
that do?"
"Oh, that was ~queenly!" snarled
MI. Spoopendyke, dropping into a
chair and regarding his wife with
rolling eyes. "Just do that again!
Four of those dramatic efforts will
make this play the. greatest of mod
ern entertainments. Do it once
mOrc!!"
1T hurts my throat" complained
Mrs. Spooyendyke. Cant we make ]
it do with M scream, dear??"
Mrs. Spoopendyke, SAID her hus-
band, with unnatural calmness,
there's been some mistake made in
this thing. You should have been {
cast for Ophelia. That was the part l
intended for you. ]
Would just as soon play it," muir !!
INJURED Mrs. S~poopendyke, who failed ]
to see the drift Of her husbands re-
mark. "What does he do?" t
HE was an idiot from birth, and t
afterward went crazy" explained i
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "That was the u
part for YOU" u
"Then I'd rather be queen" re- 6
turned Mrs. Spoopendyke; bridllng a o
little. Now, dear, let's commence Il
all oyer, and I'll do it right this a
"
"You can't do it worse" growled +
Mr.. Spoopendyke, "Ill try it once ii
more, just to see what kind of fool Al
you a work off, b
Nov, mother, what's the matter?!" it
"We-e-e-e,' giggled Mrs. Spoopen- to
1yke, satisfied that she was perfect th
his time. Hamlet, oh, Hamlet! d.
we-e-e-e!" to
Turn it off," yelled MI. spoopen- d,
iaye, springing from his chair, and II
;apering around The room as though FRI
snake had bitten him. BE quiet NJ
nd break off the end! What's the be
natter:!" IA
'.Wee-e-e!" squealed Mrs. Spoo- tn
.endyke. profoundly impressed with uE
he idea that the play was still going sai
q, and that she had at last mastered
he i%ntricacies of her part. tel
will you ever shut up:" gasped ar
ir. SFoopendyke, madden than ever tn
D think his wrath was mistaken for ha
citing. "Who eve told you to yell tn
Ike that? Don't you know anything
t all scarcely? Think Hamlet a
Inatic asylum? Got some kind of
notion that the Queens a fog
orn: Wher'd yet get your idea Of
ais thing, anyway" Col
II did just as you told me, DEAR"
rgued Mis-. Spoopendyke, complete sci
: taken aback by her husbands ril
riticism. ''You said for me to fol
'ream when you asked me what the few
was. Didn't 1 do it right?" is
"Oh, that was right" howled Mr.. evt
poopendyke. "You struck the vii
eynote of high art both times! With DIR,
lat yell and your knowledge of the wi,
.xt, all you want now is q fire and q clio
ee list to be a theatre with q restau- DIRE
1t attached. The first time a show he,
mes around this way, I'm going to I
you out with a hair trunk and a mo
air of hoofs and start you up for q the
enagerie! Such talent as that can't is &
? wasted on any cheap Shakespeare is S
avs while I've got the money and sill
'huence to get you q job in the legit- the
nate circus!" and Mr.. Spoopen- Sh,
IKE kicked the book through the relj
indow, peeled himself like a potato use
I'd dove into bed with q flop like a lit
fro,
80, VIII
The Boston Journal Of Chemistry a
in Ks that the headaches that MANY tina
ousands wake up with every swt
are brought about by kero- Ma
ne lamps ''turned down low" A VIII.
lall flame in a lamp chimney does wit