Daily globe., 1883-07-18

boy looked him all over until his eyes rest
ed on those shoes, He looked at his own
chubby feet and then at his visitors and
then looking up said: mister, Is all your
toes cutted off but one."
Old gentleman, in beer garden near
the railroad depot, waiting for his wife to
arrive on the next train, complaining to
himself: "Here have already drank six
glasses of Pilsener, and Cooking at his
watch) the train will not be here for one
hour to come. This will compel me to
drink six more glasses. It's terrible. What
an expensive wife I have got!"
A lady whose husband had been elected
to congress and was much disturbed by
the stories she had read of the malarious
atmosphere of the capital, asked one of
his constituents if he thought it was safe
for her husband to live in Washington.
Safer he rejoined, swell. should say so.
It's about the only place in the country
where man can steal with positively no
risk of being sent to state prison for it "
'The boy clumb the tree and made the
coon git" wrote Montana teacher on the
blackboard. 'Now, pupils, where's the
bad grammar in that sentence?" None
dared hazard a conjecture. The pedagog
called them set of wooden heads, with
brains as soft as squash pie. Then he tri-
umphantly altered the "git" into 'get"
and bade them admire the pure, unadul-
terated sentence as it stood fresh from the
hands of master.
GLOW old are you, Jacob?" asked the
doctor of an aged Austin Israelite, whom
he had been called to attend in a profes-
sional capacity, and who is broker, whose
mind runs on the fluctuations of the mar
ket. 81 wash seventy two years old" was
the reply. "You may live to be eighty
years of age" 81 was afraid not, Mishter
Doctor" replied Jacob. "Vy should the
Lord want to take me at eighty, van he can
dake me now at seventy-two?"
"Mine trent, dots besser you look pooty
goes off he kicks like ter tuyfel." The
gentleman, thinking to have some fun with
the German, said: "A gun can't kick; 1t
has no legs" VAT" said the storekeeper;
she don't can gick. Yoost vait. I dell
you something's, und 1 gif you leedle IN
Examinations. 1 vas in der pishness und 1
knows Something's. A gun don't gick nit
its legs; it gicks nit its breeches."
Bretzel and the telephone: Her Bretzel
(who has just had a telephone put up, calls
for the repairer next day)-"Look a-here,
my vrent, tidn't you dole me dot deller-
vone shbeak Cherman und converse in
Cherman?" Repairer-"Yes, sir" Herr
B.-"Vell, Ply chiminetty! dalk Cherman
to dot dellervone yesterday, nit bolide-
ness, unit Ply unit py it say, Hello, phawt
the devil are ye jabberin'? Come off, ye
ould Dutchyn 1 ton't allow no dellervone
to sass me dot way. Donnerhimmel! Dake
i'd avayw
SIS your railroad we'll equipped?" Rail-
road president-"Well equipped! Ishould
say it was. Splendidly equipped, sir,
splendidly. For instance, there are our
first mortgage rs. and our second mort
gage 6's. and our equipment honds, and our
land grant bonds and our common stock,
and our preferred stock, and the biggest
floating debt of any road IN the country.
But that isn't all, sir. We've got the finest
lobby that any corporasion can show; a
perfect daisy, sir. If you know of road
that's better equipped than ours is name
it, sir; name it, if you please"