The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1883-01-04
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Some one has said that it is the in
tention that makes the action good or
evil.
1t is estimated that ten dollars worth
of false hair improves a woman's looks
$500 worth. 1t is the hair dealer who
estimates.
Adversely is sometimes hard upon q
man; but for one man who can stand
property, there are hundred that will
stand adversity.-Carlyte.
eff you would be truly happy, my
DEAR" said one New York lady to anoth-
er, you will have neither eyes nor ears
from the club Yes, I know" an
swered the other, wearily, ''but what
am to do with my nose"
-" Father, wish to live so as to show
my contempt for wealth." remarked
Young philosopher, who was just recov-
erine from the effects of fifty cent
cigar. "That's easy enough" said the
old man; "become an editor. Brook
Ign Eagle.
Some one pinned card of "War-
ranted Fresh" to the cloak of a Chicago
woman the other day, and she walked
the streets for two hours with it. Now
her husband wants to give 800 for the
name of the miscreant who did the ad-
vertising. :.
Miniature limitations of kitchen or
naments are worn asjewelry by fashion
able ladies. This fashion makes it posi-
BILE for lady to hang a couple of rolling
pins in her ears, and otherwise load her
self down with sadirons, brooms, tongs,
shovels and the like, all gold.-M o.
Picayatrse.
The United States Fish Commission
has gone to work to propagate native
American Goldfish, so that we may be en-
tirely Independent of the Newfoundland
variety. About one hundred million
eggs, it is thought, can be secured daily.
It is confidently asserted by the Commits
sion that the new Goldfish will wear a
distinctive American perfume, but of
this we have grave doubts. You may
break, YOU may shatter the ball if you
will, but the scent of the Goldfish will
cling to it still.-Burdette.
The following singular confession
appears in country newspaper: "An
apology is due our subscribers for the
omission of the regular appearance Of
our paper last week. We foolishly yield
ed to a weakness which we would make
any sacrifice to be rid of-an appetite
for that which stands to-day the worlds
greatest curse-and, as we have always
openly criticized the faults of others,
thus plainly do we acknowledge our
own. We propose to use our best en-
deavors in the future to prevent any
further displays Of like nature.''
"A Person passing q Barnyard was
Observed by Mule 10 be in Distress.
Tell me-" said the Mule, "what is the
Cause of your Sorrow, that may Sym
pathize with you." ''Alas," said the
Man, 81 am Dead Broke. and 1 know not
how to Mend my Fortunes" ''f you
will just Step inside OF this Yard" re-
marked the Mule in Kindly tone, II
will Try to make Raise for You." The
man Did so, and the Fact that his Hat
was Found in the Adjoining State the
next Day warrants the Belief that the
Mule fulhlled his Pledge.-Denver Tri6-
xae.
An Episode
| A maiden fair lives over the way,
The gutter Is muddy, tho steps arc steep.
| o, where is the young man, stylish and gay,
That maiden's compny who used to keepi
| Hath he sailed o 'er the seas and tickle prov'd,
! Or had he been shook by his own belov'd2
Ahl sadder fate twas his to meet
The gutter Is muddy, the steps are steep.
| The old man booted him OUT in the street,
And laid him away in the gutter to sleep;
| The maiden mourneth over the way,
And the young man buyeth arnfcay.
-1As Jsdoa