The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-04-13
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FILTERED PLEASANTLY

When horse.car conductor begins to
knock down he soon becomes a non conduc-
tor Lowell Courier.
The poets have always sung OF the charms
Of country life, but who ever heard Of can
ming mosquitoes for city use p Puck.
Tritles light as blonde hair have been
known viSibly to affect the movements Of
great men, New Orleans Picayune
Longlellow said "In this world q man
must be either anvil or hammer" He
thought nothing of the poor fellow between
the two New Orleans Picayune.
1.-THE Prince of Wales never reads news
papers" There are men in this country
who don't read newspapers, either. They
prefer dime novels.-l Norristown Herald.
"Jane, light the gas" please, sir. the
gas is lit" "0h, 50 il Isl Well, bring in o
candle, my gas bill has just come in, and |
want to look over it. "-lPhiladelphia News.
The bootblack who has just been awarded
verdict of s., 900 for damages received Mt
Fulton ferry last summer, will soon shine
in better society," New York Commercial
Advertiser.
The man who has the faculty OF shooting
off long orations full OF emptiness is like the
man who says of song 81 don't know the
words, but I've got the air. "-[Boston
Transcript.
"Dwo vas schoost enough, budt dree vas
too blendty," remarked Hans, when his
best girl asked him to take her mother
along with him to the Dance Rome Sen
tinel.
Somebody has discovered that black states
in the schools are ruining the sight OF the
scholars. But what shall be said of the ei-
feet upon the moral sight of the very black
states gotten up by the political schemers'
-[Boston Transcript.
Johnnie how many bones are there in
the human body?n "Whose human body
Mine?" "Yes, yours, for instance" Cant
tell. You see, I've been eatin' shad for
breakfast, and that upsets the anatomica-
estimate at once, ~ onkers Gazette.
A well-known base ball player, whose po-
stion is behind the bat was recently pre-.
scented by young lady with msnicurel
case, and he became very angry on the
strength OF the belief that 1t was joke, in
asmuch as he hasn't had iinger.nail ior
six years,-[Puck.
This Is the time OF the year at which the
house cleaning joke about the man stand
ing on piece OF tallow at the top of the
stairs and flying through the air until he
| Is StOnDpu Dy tHe slutWtlhs 10 tIu'ttu oul
| by the rural humorist-acd the city humor'
list, too,-[Puck.
The Wilmington Star says that "a shingle
would answer the same purpose as q bran.
new crash towel" If the boy yells and
won't hold still when his mother is putting
him through his ablution exercises, shin
gle would be a great Improvement over o
new crash towel Norristown Herald.
A young woman asked a man in New
| York the other evening how soon cal
would come by. He answered her question
by knocking her down and stealing hel
pocket.book, His short answer was FOL
lowed next day by II long sentence-seyen
years aud six months Detroit Free Press
"Mr Jones, this business of getling things
by piSGemoal is entirely played out. I've
Just made up my mind that shall so oui
aud lay in u months provisions" well
Mrs Jones' don't know who's going TO b.
fool enough to eat them after you've laiC
em in, I'm sure. - Rome Sentinel.
A ueinition: Scene, Highland pollc'
onlcc) Superintendent TO policeman
"What mean YOU. Tonal, by entering JONI
McLuish tramp in the books OF Ia oils
What iss a tramp" Policeman-"A tramp
yer honor, ISIS u man wha travels aboot an
seeks Tor work an disna want it, Super
intendent'i Is satisfied -IBailie.