The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1883-02-21
o HIM LII UP.
The Scientist and the Mild Alligator Man.

The Scientist and the Mild Alligator Man.
The other morning while the urbane
manager of WoodWard's gardens was
smoking IL iour-bit cigar, and medita-
lively listening to the nluffied walls ola
tomcat that had just been swallowed
alive by a big anaconda, a tall, thin,
notwithstanding man, with a goatee and
blue glasses, entered the gate and re-
marked in an insinuating manner
'Of course you pass the scientific fra
t~ernity?"
..Of course we do not!n said the show
man, emphatically.
What, not the savants, MOI the plo-
neers in the great march OF the NINA
into the hitherland OF the Infinite be-
yond?" returned the professor with
great surprise.
Il will not deceive YOU sarcastically
replied the proprietor OF the only saia-
mander, we pass nothing but the qulils
on the fretful porcupines-l mean the
press. You can'tsee the ostridges unless
you come down and put up"
: Dear me, dear mel" signed the
scientist refiectively. ITO think that a
professor of comographic conchology
Should be denied admittance a third
class Zoo! Has the Skamgatibus been
fed YETI"
"Skam-which?" asked the tiger i'm
porter.
"Why, the Skamgatibus; you've got
one haven't your
''Y-e-e-s-s, { believe we've a small fe-
male somewheres," said the grlzzly's
friend.
.sWhy, never knew a first class col
lection to have less than two pair" aid
the professor, contemptuously; "hoW do
YOUR AZimuths stand this cold weather,
eh?N
'Azimuths?n asked the Napoleon ag-
~erepator of curiosities; what's them?
Some new kind OF bird-youdon't mean
ostri-"
"Ostridges be hanged!W said the sue
cessor of Darwin; ''ostridges are nothing.
I've shot more ostridges with quail shot
than you've got hairs on your head.
You don't actually mean to sit there n
tell me you haven't gotta single Azlmuth
to your back?"
Don't believe / have" admitted the
alligator breeder, mortified; what are
they like?"
oh, they're of the order Spinalls
spicmot, is about six feet high. Fur
peels Oft in the spring, you knoW-the
Siberian species | mean. L suppose
you've got n of those Rectangular
African F%lipgoohlies that reached New
| York the other day."
mo Pm id if I did," said the much
agitated snowman; there I've been keep
ing an agent in New York on a big
salary to look out for attractions and he
does't catch on to the first blamed thing.
| Spends all our money on secondhand
panthers and kangaroos with the rheu-
matics. I'll bounce him by telegraph
Haven't even got a ~Flipgoohly, eh?'
unused the scientist in a tone or great
pity. "And I shouldn't wonder If you
didn't have Golden Crested Cuspldor
in your whole show
"Neither I have-neither | have re-
piled the wretched promoter OF pellcans
in a tone Of great bitterness. "Spose
YOU lust step in, sir, and look round;
! mebbe there's something else you could
sac"
"N-n-o, guess not" said the tall man.
ssIt would hardly pay me to spend sc
much valuable scientific time in a fourth
class show like this. Not even an All
muth, oh! / should think you'd be
afraid Of being actually mobbed some
time. I'm sorry for you my good man;
sorry for YOU. I've no doubt you mean
we'll; but--not a solitary Skagmatlcus-
Great Scottu!'
And as the disciple OF Audubon passed
into a saloon across the street and sWapeo
a nickle for a glass of beer, the bar keep
er heard him chuckle something to tn
effect that he had got even on that olc
hvena Duncher, and don't you forget It
IT is reported that Seniors Saturnlnf
Patino and M. C.. Santos Cay nave dis
covered in Mexico, in the district O
Popantla, a new textile fibre-yieldins
plant of very remarkable character, tn
Importance of which, if the representa-
tions concerning it are true, can hardly
be overestimated. Definite Information
concerning the plant itself is not yet at
forded. but of the fibre made from it, tn
Mexican press aver that it is very bril-
liant. fine, stronger than either inen O
silk, that it takes dyes readily, n ina
fabrics composed of it can hardly De Oils
tinguished from silk. Some samples o
the fibre have been shown twelve yard
in length, so that the plant is doubtles
a vine. 1t is described as very easy Z
work. and, if its merits have not bee1
EXAGGERATED, will doubtless occasion
revolution in textile industries.
The Height of Folly.
To wait until you are in bed with dls