Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-01-05
F. u ~

HoFFENsTEIN ON Mis-
ter, vat you dinks" exclaimed Herman in
flutter of surprise: II shust get an invi-
dation to de Wedding of mine trent, Moses
Powshi, vat lifts by de Sorapuan market.
He vas going to marry Miss Sallie Liech-
tenfelder, whose fader keeps the shoe
store"
tsDoes she hat any money!"
mo, SIR"
"Does he hat money!"
No. SIR
"Vell, den, dey vas fools you know-und
dey will find it oud. De more q man vas
poor in dis yas O. ID, Herman, de more he wants
to get married; if be don't want to do dot,
he wants to EXPRESS his opinion efry chance
he gets, ven it wort one cent on de dollar,
und he don't REPRESENT ANGLING but an old
valise. Veil beoble get married or go
around dalking dey ought to haf someding
to back it up. You see in de books. Her
man, dot love laughs at locksmidths Veil,
it may be 81, you know; but never nefer
goes around laughing at grocery bills, und
de landlord vot don't get his rent. Love
vas very brave, but it gets weak in de
knees ven ANGLING like DOT happens, und
you can bet on it. / dink poor woman
should hat velty husband, und poor
man velty wife. If had my way nit dis
world, und heard of a poor man vat want
ed to marry girl no peter off as himself.
I would chain him to a post, Herman, shust
To Laop ha fool ont of drouhta TIA az Saut
way, de most pleasant, dot a man makes
money is to marry woman vot hat it. 1t
vas the safest pIsiness transaction in de
vorld-you risk no capital, und you make
a big profit. Dink of 1t, Herman, und
watch your chance. Dousands Of velty und
good young women hat married no count
vellows vot were so poor dot the feas
wouldn't stay NIT 'em. und you must feel
encouraged you know. No Won can tell
vat woman vas going to do"
But, Misder Hoffensein," expostula-
ted Herman. ''if man marries woman
vot he don't love he Won't have any re-
spect for himself, no matter if she vas
velty."
''Nefer mind, my poy, nefer mind; oder
beople will respect you. | know MAJ
vot drinks de same way as you ven he mai
ried, und now he goes around de street S
wearing blue pants nit yellow patches
DAke nay advice, Herman. und don't let
poor yoman rope you in.''
REMOVING THE CHAIN.--She was ont
of those old maids with corkscrew curl
from Connecticut, who came down SGu'f
on mission to either deliver temperate
lectures or collect material for d bN3t
This one was armed with lead pencil ahc
a book, and being struck by the venerable
Uncle Tom-like appearance of old MISE o.
Austin avenue, she proceeded to ask hin
questions. the answers to which she ts'.l
down.
Il suppose you were a slave before tb,
WARP
Yes, num-
"How dreadful! How shocking! Ano
to whom were you in bondage ?''
Ito my ole marster.'
How shocking how dreadful Whata
shame Did you ever wear chain -
Yes, mum, wore chain for fou
years. My ole marster put it on hissef.'
.Oh, my how brutal! Do you know
who 1t was who removed the chain from
your neck 7"
Yes, mum; de Federal soldiers"
How grand how patriotic You ar.
grateful, / suppose, to those boys in blu
who removed the cruel chain from y.'u'
neck ?''
mo. indeed, isn't grateful to 'em;''
"Oh, my. how nnappreciative how d
based Why are yon not grateful, M
colored friend. to those noble men who RI
moved the cruel chain from your neck p
''Bekase when dose Y ankee sojers tues
off de gold chain my ole marster put OF
gae dey tuck off de silver watch wild hit
and dey hasn't brung 'em back yi!l Heah!
heah heah!"
''Oh, m, how brutal! how shocking!
Gu are nasty, black niger" she said
shaking her finger under his nose, and bot
bing her head backwards and forwa ds
land you ought to be whipped within all
inch of your life!''
Oh, my how brutal how shockin''-
said the old man., initiating her voice, as
he moved off.-Is1as SiftinqS
A thick corn husk is not a sign of a
hard winter, as some folks think. 1t makes
no difference to corn husks what the
weather is.
''Who was the meekest man - asked a |
Sunday school teacher. Moses" VERY |
well who was the meekest woman ?''
.'Never was any,
3 The best reason vet advanced for having |
Monday washing day, the next day after
Sunday, is because cleanliness is next to
godliness.
Mamma. is the old hen going to be
sent away fer the summer?'' mo, Char |
lie; but why do you ask?" Well, 1 heard |
papa tell the new governess that he would
take her out riding when he sent thu old
hen away for the summer"
Morse, who invented the telegraph. and |
Bell, the inventor of the telephone, both
had deaf-mute wives, which leads WAC
tn observe: "Just see what man can d.
when everything is quiet.
A woman g heart is small affair, hu'
IT can upset the biggest man that evt
BID rned this world.
onion eating has Doubles citing IF
young ladies'. It prevents the III
iping and the chaps Tipping.