Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-09-21
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

DIltu DullldS.
A young man says he is going to
attempt the feat or going forty days
without working. He says if his EN-
ployers don't watch him he thinks he
can accomplish the task.
Policeman 60 group of small boys
Come. now, move on. There ;
nothing the matter here. Sarcastic
boy-Of course there isn't. If there
was you wouldn't be here.
Take care OF the useful and the
beautiful will take care of itself"
This is what the fond and numerous
father remarked when henariied of
his ngliest daughter first.
Eguileless girl wrote to her adorer
thus: Don't come to see me any
more Just yet, John. for father has
been having his boots half soled,
with two rows of nails round the
toes.
Upon seeing a fire engine at work.
an exquisite remarked: who would
evan have dweamed that such a vewy
! diminutive looking apparatus would
hold 50 much wattah.''
Dear Louise. don't let the men
come too near you when counting"
On, no, dear ma. When Charles is
here we have a chair between MS"
Mother thinks the answer rather am
biguous.
Theodore Hook, after having been
awfully crammed at an Allermanic
feed, being asked TO be helped again.
replied: No, thank You, l don't want
any more; but l will take the rest in
money, if You please
Aunt Esther was trying to per
suade little Eddy to retire at sunset,
using as an argument that the little
chickens went to roost at that time
Yes" said Eddy; but then. aunty.
the old hen always goes with them"
Il stonecutter received the follow
ing epitaph from German to cut
upon the tombstone of his wife:
Mine wife Susan is dead If she had
lived till next Friday she'd becn dead
shust two weeks. As tree fall, 50 it
must stand"
a man bet Il ncighbor that he
couldn't walk half mile without
looking to the right or left, and just
as the man started on his walk set two
dogs to fighting about halfway down
the track, and won bis money as east
Is as could be.
A stock broker. returning to his
Office after a substantial luncheon
with a client, said, complacently, to
his head clerk, MIR. Putkln, the world
looks different to IA man when he has
a bottle of champagne in him" YES,
sir" replied the clerk, Significantly.
land he looks different tn the world"
A lady ard gentleman were en-
gagged to be married, aud they one
day bcguiled the blissful tcdium of
courtship by talking over the naEe,
of their future children. They got
along very well till they came to the
name of their fourth child, and over
that they quarreled SO violently that
the engagement was broken off
''Henceforth we meet as strangers,
exclaimed Brown, in fit of anger
Thank you, Brown, my dear fellow
gushed Fogg effusively: won always
did treat strangers better than your
friends and acquaintance, and you
make me excellently happy that l am
henceforth to share in your distin-
guished consideration
Lord kensington. the junior Liber-
al whip and colleague of Lord Rich
ard Grosvenor, has been made the
subject of mild joke. A witty
member has decribed him as the
greatest anomaly in the House, and
for this reason-the noble Lord is an
Irish Peer with an English title. he
has married a Scotch wife. and sits
for Welsh constituency.
A Pittsburg tailor sadly refers to
his recently broken engagement as
his "kiIt suit"
She sang II want to be and angel"
and he swore that she was one already.
To this she blushingly demurred
Then he married her Demurrer
sustained.
Ice cream is now made from kaolin,
white clay used in porcelain manu-
facture. Notwithstanding this start
ling fact the appetites of young WON
changed
A man named Gassbill recently ap-
piled to the Arkansas Legislature to
change his name because his girl al
ways objected to his figure whenever
he'd metre. She said he was too
high, and turned him off
DO you think she's pretty7n he
cried Il do, indeed. Tn really Just
wild over that girl. Then why don't
you go in and do the grand? Well, to
tell the truth, it's just here: None of
the other fellows go wild over her at
all, and there'd be no credit in win
ming her out"
The groom of Iroquois, the first
American Derby winner. sa7s he
thinks as much of one horse as Of
his wife" If all the owners of fast
horses thought as much Of their
wives as they do of their horses, these
women would be much happier and
be the envy of their sex.
A new excuse: Wife "Why.
George, l do believe you've been
taking too much wine!" George
(who lives in Brooklyn and has Just
returned home after a lively EVENING"
swine? Nonsense. dear, just (hicl
come over the bridge and it's made
me dizzy, that's all-shelp me Bobw
Miss Clara Ito MIR. Fearing, who
has loathing for dogs oh, Mr..
Fearing, do please take little Gyp
and give her a bath. The doctor
says she has incipient hydrophobia,
whatever that is: but | believe the
salt water will do her good n. b.
Mr. Fearing hopes to be engaged
to Clara before the season is over.
A MINERVA OF MARv.-In his in
teresting book on The Mary Oasis"
just issued, Mr. O'Donovan. of the
London Daily News, draws the fol
lowing costume portrait of a Mary
InI h.,