The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-04-26
AUSTIN SIFTINGS.
NO SMOKING ALLOWED.

NJ SIOhlNG ALLO" ED.
An Austin street car driver is very
much annoyed by gentlemen smoking
in the car, which is contrary to reguia-
tions. Yesterday, there were several
gentlemen smoking in the car, and
losing his patience, the driver stuck his
head into the car, and bawled out:
eff you want to smoke in there,
throw away your cigars, and go some
where else"
ROBERT, THE DEVIL.
Said a lady, who wanted to 90 to the
theater. to her husband who was read
ing newspaper: There is new
opera company coming to Austin, and
they are going to give Robert the Devil. y
''What are they going to give Robert
the Devil for-what's he been doing?"
asked the husband, who is not well up
in opera music.
MARK OF IDENTIFICATION.
''Have you anything extraordinary
on your person by which you could be
identifed?n asked an Austin doctor,
who was examining Bill Colbert for a
life insurance policy.
Colbert thought for good while be-
fore he answered. At last he replied
that he had the required popularity.
'What mark is it?"
''Fearful cramps when | eat green
corn"
A COLORED LOVE LETTER.
Miss Matilda SNOWFALL, having closed
tue door, approached the lady of the
house in a most mysterious manner, and
asked as q favor that her employer
write letter to Sam Johnsing.
"What do you want me to write?"
ssWrite him dat was at de corner at
de appointed hour, and dat he didn't
come"
"WeIl, I've got that down"
''Den add to dat ar: | consoles myself
wild de fond hope you was KEEP away b.
sickness. Your only true lub, Matildy
SNOWFALL.
AN INSULT TO THE PROFESSION.
There is an angry doctor i'll Austin
lust now. He has been fatting up :
hog for some time. Day before yester
day he sent for butcher and had the
animal dressed. When the doctor asked
the butcher how much he charged, the
latter replied:
"Never mind about that. We pro
fessional gentlemen ought not to charge
each other anything. You didn't charge
me anything for treating my wife
mother who died last fall" "
TAMPERING WITH A LEGISLATOR.
''You look pale
''Well, l feel pale. I am as nervous
as cat.'
whats the matter?"
81 dreamed last night that paid m,
landlady, and | am worried to death t.
know where got the money from.
am afraid some member of the lobb,
has been tampering with me in m,
sleep"
There are several legislators in Austil
liable to the suspicion of having beel
tampered with in their sleep.
EXPERIENCE TEACHES.
Colonel Arthur Peter read an adver
tisement in a paper to the effect that, b
mailing five dollars to a Northern firm
he could secure a dOuble-barreled shot
GUN. He sent on the money and re
ceived the gun. He went out into tn
suburbs of Austin to try the gun
When Mr. Peter returned to conscious
ness, his head was bandaged up, and h
was surrounded by doctors and his dis
consulate family. The first words h
uttered were:
eff I live to be a thousand years old
I'll never fire off that gun again. "
AS the biggest piece of the gun tha
has thus far been discovered is onl
about two inches long. and was exec
waited with difficulty from under hi
collar bone, the prospect OF Peter keeI
ing his word never to fire off that gu
again is very gQod.-1eras SJtjngs.