Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-08-31
PLElSANTRIES.


keeps out 81.
WHEN he came home tipsy he told his
wife he had been out sherryDading.
To MAKE successful run for Office n
man must initiate snow. He must come |
down occasionally.
81 WISH | was a pudding, mamma"
why" "Cause 1 would have lot
Of sugar put into me-"
"Ir is only after long reflection that I
go 10 an entertainment with any young
man, said the maiden 10 her mirror.
WHEN a woman leaves man who has
not earned his salt for years, he immedi.
ately advertises that he will pay no debts
Of her contracting.
A CERTAIN gentleman must have been
very proud Of his wife when he des-
cribed her as beautiful, dutiful, youth
full, and an armful."
ELI PERKINS says Texas is the largest
State in the Union. Now the State will
have TO be surveyed all over again to
ascertain il that is so.- 7erds Sitings.
"THIs is a sad commentary on our
boosted civilization, a tramp despond-
ingly observed, when he discovered that
the ham he had taken from the front Of
a shop was a wooden one.
A PERFECT jam is made of plum, and
yet perfect jamb is never out of plumb.
"Think Of it," says the Emigrant Gaul,
"and yet Frenchmen are expected &c
write good English just the same"
"a GOOD husband makes a good wife,"
says a philosopher, but be stops there,
and don't say what he makes her do.
Probably build the fire for him in the
morning and sit up late for him at night.
"WHAT kind of mark is that said
Magrady to his friend Talthorpe, point
ing TO q scar ON his face. cts a ques-
ton mark, f" replied tine other "got il
for asking a man 9 if it was hot enough
for him. Puck
SCENE: bridal reception. Several OF
the guests, after shaking hands with the
bride, and all speaking at the same time :
"where is the bridegroom" Bride.
naively: "Oh, he's up stairs watching
the wedding presents.'
al SAY, when does this train leave? {"
"what are you asking me forP Go to
the conductor IN the engineer" 81
know you're the engineer; but you
might give man civil answer" "Yes.
but / m no civil engineer"
RELATIONSHIPS are rather far-fetched
sometimes, both in Ireland and Scot
land. "Do you know Tom Duffy.
PATE" "Know him, is itP" says Pat,
"sure he's near relation of mine he
once wanted TO marry my sister, Kate. "
THE following laconic correspond
ence is reported in a Maine paper :
M. Y" Do me the favor to lend me a
dollar TO get my COW out Of the pound. "
GA. DR. would, but paid my last
dollar to the boys to take the COW to the
pound"
A YOUNG couple have just begun
housekeeping and wish to engage a
maid-of all-work. Josephine presents
herself. After detailing the duties re-
CURED, the lady of the house remarks
"well, my good girl, I think you will
be suited; the work is light, and we
have no children" Josephine with a
gracious smirk) -"Oh, madam, do not
put yourself out ON my account, L beg.
1 adore them"
"MY poor boy" exclaimed the anx-
ious mother, unwinding the bandage
that was wrapped around his fright
duke, " and exposing to view the skinned
and bleeding knuckles, chow did you
ever come to do it2 What an awful
looking hand II conhagration or eerie'
sipletum should set in, what would youl
unfortnit father sayP" Tho poor boy
didn't seen TO take very ready grip on
he problem thus presented in references
to his paternal parent, but his face Ia
up with something like savage satisfac
ton us he observed "If you think That's
awful, mother, you ought to see Bill
| Gtal,lins, noaa 10