River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-10-04
Para~ranhS of Wit

cts early, isn't ~" yawnei the bov.
lazily turning in bed to the sound of hi:
own name, nnttere1 in wrAthtul shouts;
| its early, isn't III"
II don't know whether it is or not
roared his father; but | amp
| And before the plant skate-strap was
| half tired, the boy made up his mind
| HAT if the old gentlem n hld been a
| little surfer, the hastlnadJ wouldn't
| have lasted half throa n the sentence.
| But it lasted quite long enough as it was
Not one of the cackling old hens in
this country appearto know or care that
a Florida turtle will lay 14) eggs in dav
without making the least bit of noise.
| The hen fuss over one little egg is ab-
surd.
Mamma" said little Covington boy
"what does 'helufa' meant" "Why,
my child, l done know. never heard
such word Where did YOU hear it,"
PAPA said it." "When?" Sunday
morning. l heard him tell Mr.. Jones
that G. urch was heluffa place to go
when the fishing was so ii me-"
A Chesterfield in tatters: "Is the lady
| of the house in?" asked tramp of the
| servant who rang the door-bell of one oil
| the stateliest mansions in Austin. "De
lady cb de house don't come 10 de door
| TO talk wild de likeobyou." ''Then. said
the tramp, elevating the remnant of a
| hat, with a grace Chesterfield might
have envied, 'tell the lady of the house
a gentleman wishes to speak with her in
| the parlor."
A knock down argument: Mrs. Percy
Ballavoine Tubbs-Tom has had awful
bad luck-poor fellow Mr.. P. B. T.
| What rubbish Bad luck means bad
management. A man of sense keeps his
wits about him and his eyes open, is
prepared for bad luck and sees 1t COM
ing II he hasn't Intelligence enough
to get out of its way he deserves-Mr.
2 b. T. is hit by SNOWFALL and Knocked
into the middle OF next W Elk.
"Well, sir, where do you work, Sam
uel2" inquired Chicago judge of col.
ored prisoner, yesterday.
II work in q bank. sah."
"What under sun is your position in a
bank?"
use teller, sah"
"What bank is this yon speak of, and
what are your duties as teller"
ITS Al Hankin's ferry bank. and l
tells the gamblers that they can find any
sort o game they's spilin' fur, sab. -
Chicago Eye.
"Ought clergymen wear mustachesY
asks Methodist Advocate. Why not?
We should think minister Of the Cos
pei might be permitted to wear mus
tache, when Lydia Tompson is allowed
to wander about with one bracelet.
Certainly, parson. brace up and wear a
mustsche like King Humberts, if you
don't object TO looking like II thirty
days after taking" advertisement.
A lady once wrote Roscoe Conklng a
note when he was in the Senate, asking
PERMISSION to bring her little girl to see
him. lie replied in courteous note,
naming the hour NJ which he would re-
ceive her At the hour named the lady
and child stood before him. "Mary,"
said the mother TO her Geld, this is the
great Senator COnkling" es, little
Mary" said Lord Roscoe, with a Jovian
smile meant to be encouraging, ''but
remember" sotemnly IIftlng his fore
finger, that there is a greater than
Senator ConkHng."
The girls in one ofthe large New York
tobacco houses have struck. Oh, we'll,
that strike is failure at the start. for
being OUT OF work not girl will havana
one to back her. That 's'nough of that.
Give US sneezy one. At-chew!
Judge Richie, of Frederick. Md, has
sixteen beautiful and accomplished
daughters, only one ofwhom is married.
THIS is what the French would call an
embarrassment of Rltchies.
young Politician" writes: "Why
does a state have legislaJdre?" My dear
boy, it doesn't The legislature has the
state, every time. Has it by the throat,
by large majority. Has it by the pock-
et-book. Has it on its back .-Somerville
Jourual