The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-04-28
The Paragraph Fiend.
Star rou,e--The Milky Way

other yardJ.-N y. J0urnd!.
A difficult point to grasp--The end oil
an cells tail.
A mans lot is not a happy one, II 1t Is
swamp lot,-Picayune.
Civil service reform for women-prc'
ylding their husbands with latchkcys.
For good board apply at any saw mill,
and for plane board go to any carpenter
shop,
The woman who is interviewed by a
sewing machine salesman suffers more OF
less from sewer gas.
The man who hanged himself the other
day did It with ms own free will and
cord, so says the coroners jury.
A counterfelter recently escaped from
ST. Louis deputy marshal. Some OF the
mans money must have been gooj,-Nc"
Orleans Picoyuae.
Number One" says the u. Y. HeraId
is at last unmasHed. "Who is Number
Onem asked man on a Fulton terry boat
yesterday, of fellow passenger, Dan
O'Myle," was the rejoinder.
The Bodie (Cal) Free Press thus de
scribes OSCILLATION IN that town: when a
Bodic girl is embraced she wants to do all
the kissing herself, and the noise SHIT
makes resembles the report Of slapjack
striking against dining room door
An old song revised:
What is ship without sail?
Adieu, my lover, adlcu!
What Is monkey without tail?
A dude, my lover, dude
-".Sdtchets 1uHt'
The Ayoca Qa) HraM contained the
following editorial item few days after
the arrival OF the remains Of John How
ard Payne: The author Of Home, Sweet
Home died in New York last Friday.
He has gone to enjoy the holy grandeur
that was go wildly depicted IN his world
wide compositon--onc that was iamlnr
to almost every mlnd"
rhe editor Of the Washington RepubHc
Is worried over modern csthctlclsm, ana
fears that very soon from some pulpit in
Washington We VIII be startled by. an
estbeuc preacher announcing how Eve
ate the apple and gave also 10 her husband,
how Moll.e chose the better part, how hcr
SISTER Matte gave her attention 10 house
hold ..,airs, how Ra;hie CLEANED in the
field. % Boar. aud how Sadie by faith
gs7e hirlA Ia Isa8c Il the age of 30
Az luTL ug TIE srgEEr
lI.fl Oh . ladder,
MyppinE OF . NlgdsG,
Lag comes man
HiIA 70 O-r LigL 20 ElLdeI.
Cli-sus up the ladder,
Pgis T.. arm around her,
SzEck. Asr o. the mouth.
4 forty horsepower sO1uceT-
Naughty man.
The girl lEGLs around
Win suddeg chop,
l.esches for The lHau,
To use him for a mop,
Gets q good strong mold,
No one nigh 10 hinder,
Goes right ahead
hopping of the windcr-
With the man
The following communication written,
perhaps, By granddaughter OF Noah
Webster, tries to explain itself IN the Den
yer Ne1s,
Locke Edeter Muse
81 aaaG N thua m addition
yure paper au akkount ov the spelling
mach att the Babbteste curCh move | anne
ghlad to Gee scch interest mannclestlcd an
| cincerely hoop and trustt tibet we may
some bee iavvOrred withe an other mach
ov the sam kinc-When II frye two be
presant an parallyzize them al, tor whenu
| wass Is yers Olde wass considered u
darlin speller-But ov corse the spelling
new days is mour tanggclled than wnen
| use to goc TO skool But you cam justt
bett yure happie lif their vii hav 100 bee
lofts ov snoo on the ghround whonn git
left. Yures Tr1elly,
"CLEMETIHA WEBSTER"
THE DAMsEL AND THE HAT.
A damsel fair In the parquet sat,
And all around hung GainsOoro hat,
While the bald headed boys sat just behind
Cursing her cartwhcel In their mind.
But for them the damsel would not stir,
Though it pleased not them, II did please
her,
And she said TO herself behind her fan,
Now, Tm bound to mash that 'ere leading
man"
CHoRUs-That ERE leading man,
That ere leading Han
Her most histrionic,
Very platonIc,
Fancy formed this plan;
II | am crusber
To the usher,
Why not to the leading man:
Aud each OF the boys expressed his mind
At the bat whose shadow struck them blind
The baker, he muttered, ut takes the caker'
The gambler exclaimed, well, what a
stakel"
The coal man murmured, "a Pttsburg
fowl"
And the big.collared Colonel, We've got no
showm
The dealer In wheat then took In the hat,
And growled, "Well, I'd sell on margin
like thatp'
CHoaU5-With margin like that,