National Republican., 1883-07-28

And then shake him.
-SomerUiLio Journal.
IT is reported that Mr.. Jay Gould has the
tick-dollarugh.
LITTLE Italian boys in New York arc i'm
proving each shining hour at three cents per
shine
A NEW style of bonnet is called tho Jumbo.
Hc we suppose it is SO called because 1t is worth
all the rest Of the show.-Hdl0teye.
A sHREwD fruit dealer in Georgia is doing
large business with the negro population by
advertising his blackberries as "colored bcr.
ries."
As THE motto of the trade dollar is "In
God we trust" need feel no hesitancy in
dropping it into the contribution box at its par
value.
The important information is given out by
numerous enterprising journals that Queen Vic
toria is four feet eight inches tall. Is this in her
ST ocking feet, or how2
To THE striker: "How are you coming on?"
Everything lovely" To the company: How
are you coming on?" Everything lovely" To
the public: How are you coming on?" %
badw
IT is a question if a summer vacation is of
any practical benefit to clergyman. In three
months a congregation can lose an amount of
cover.
The London Telegraph asks: "What would
London do this weather without the Tbames?'
The silly season has reached England. too Will
the Telegraph please answer this question, "What
did the sugar SCOOP"
A PARoXYsMAL speaker exhorted the tele-
graph strikers to tear the Juggernaut from the
face of the globe by main strength" This the
strikers very properly and promptly refused to do,
and it's greatly TO their credit.
Mr.. WINoENTRY BAKERowsKI KARzNA
BIRzYcLI AUGUST FLoERKE and Miss Bertha Bar
zarski Jan Dawralowski Josephine Mazikoisd,
both of Chicago, were married last week at tha
residence of the brides parents. No cards.
IT is reported that Gov. Butter has given
$1,000 for new dormitory at Williams college, II
he had approached Harvard in the same way he
might now be going about with whole tin kettle
full of initials tied to the tail of his name.
ALL the agony of mind in this weary world.
boiled down, condensed, and concentrated on one
young man, won't make him feel as bad as the
discovery of the fact that she whom he truly
madly loved is bow-legged.-Pihsbur9 Telegraph
| IT is reported that Mr.. Gould and Mr. Eek
ert have had falling out, and that the latter has
| been dubbed "knave and fool" by the great
| stock twaterer. Under such circumstances Mr.
| Eckert should retaliate by demanding less work
and more pay
"WERE you in the late war;" asked a
veteran OF badly demoralized citizen, who came
| hobbling down the street on crutch "I don't
know how late you mean," was the sad reply;
"she gave me this one last night before tea."-
| burlington Free Press.
| WOMAN who has been looking over blankets
| In Main street store Well, i didn't mean to
| buy. Am just looking for friend" Clerk
politely: "Don't think you'll find your friend
| among the blankets We've looked 'em all
through. ."-HdrDord Times.
A WESTERN coroner's jury sat on body of
a horse thief found hanging to a tree, and brought
| in verdict of Hanged by parties unknown to
the public 1t will be observed that the usual
wording, unknown to the jury" was not used on
this OCCASION Philadelphia Netos.
| A WEALTHY old gentleman was called upon
for a charitable contribution, "Confound it," he
replied irasoibly, "my hand Is never out of my
pocket with you all p "I know it, responded
the applicant. humbly "but cannot you make an
| exception in this case and take 1t out ?"
MR.. j. P. P.sARRAzEN, was saved from being
| run over by railroad train near New Orleans,
| by Mr.. c. L. Van Houen, the local baggage agent
| He presented the latter's daughter with a piano,
| which, TO say the least, is a peculiar way of ex-
pressing ones gratitude for so great a service.
PEOPLE who fear that Mrs Langtry's move-
ments may be lost sight Of during her temporary
sojourn in England, should not forget that Mr., Gr
w. Smalley, European editor of the New York
Tribune is already standing knee deop In tn At
lantic ocean Off Liverpool awaiting her arrival,
"THREE cents more, please" "Why, have
you raised your rates? have never paid but
thirty cents to send a message to New York"
"Yes, that is the regular price; but you see just
at present we are compelled to make use of the
mails to some extent, and postage stamps cost
money. Three cents more, please"
THERE is no legal bar against mans mar
rying his mother.iu-law, yet we never hear of a
man doing such thing. If 1t should be forbid
ben by statute u certain number Of persons
would be crazy to do Just that foolish thing. Such
is the attractlveness of forbidden fruit. There Ia
an old story of French woman who said that tho
only regret she felt about ice cream was that God
had not made eating It a SIM" 1t lacked nothing
but the indescrIDable flavor of forbidden fruit
AN incident of summer travel related by
the Lowell Mail: "a somewhat fashionable young
man recently entered railway car not great
many miles from this city, and passing by several
seats containing each but one male occupant, pro-
caeded to where young lady sat alone and asked
her If the vacant seat at her side was engaged.
Answering in the negative she offered him the
inside seat near the open window, which he gra"
ciously accepted then quietly picking up her
sachel she left him TO bis own reflections and sat
with lady behind her The young man blushed
to his ears and those who witnessed his discom-
future smiled all over their faces"
THE Cincinnati Enquirer has the following:
"To illustrate how spry hunter ought to be,
Deacon R sometimes told of his extraordinary
feats in outrunning game. Once he brought out q
well known trapper of the neighhorhood, who
silenced him for the time being with a narrative
which has probably done duty with other liars,
but was pat to the occasion. He declared that n
couple of winters previous, while looking at his
traps along the mill race, he spied an old muskrat
on the bank Raising his gun, he blazed away,
, and then jumped down to keep the rat from get
, ting into the water Believe It or moi" he added
81 jumped so quick that got the whole load Of
shot in my back"