The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-09-27
WIT AND HUMoR.

VIA AMI
1t is inaccurate to say that q man
leads n bad life. 1t is the bad life that
leads the man.
A girl has been arrested while dis
guised as an old woman. The old
woman disguised as a girl is still at
large.
How strange is life. Before mar
riage the girl pulls the wool over
mans eyes. After marriage she pulls
1t off his head.
Medical men now pronounce against
covering the walls with paper. 1t is
quite evident that this heretofore useful
article must speedily go to the wall.
Modern song of the shirt: rip, rip.
rip, band and gusset and seam. Rip,
rip, rip; confound the sewing ma
chine"
persons were killed by wind in this
men are willing to risk their lives by
getting elected to congress.
A little girl on Long Island offered a
rather remarkable prayer few nights
ago, when she said: ''I do thank Thee.
God, for all my blessings, and I'll do as
much for you some time"
Ask friend for $5 through a tele-
phone and he will say, II cannot I'M
derstand. Come here at 8 o'clock. "
At 8 o'clock the man who could not
understand will be somewhere else.
A Philadelphia editor, after long do
mcstic experience. concludes that Nor
mons can support ten or fifteen wives
apiece, because they don't keep SER
want girl.
"Good morning, Mr.. Smith; how are
you?" mod ad all well, thag you.
I've fearful code id by head" ats a
strange thing about colds, isn't itp"
r..How do you beadp" why, they al
ways settle in the weakest place.
A satisfactory answer: Barber
s.Dear me, your boards very strong;
how often do you shaver" Van Jboom
dutch mariner) -"Dree times week
cffery day bot Sondais; ten l shaifes
effery tay."
A young miss of sixteen asks what is
the proper thing for her to do when she
is serenaded by party of gentlemen
at a late hour. We.are glad to be able
TO answer this question. Steal softly
downstairs and unite the dog.
Sara Bernhardt saws in her book that
she was not pretty as girl. 1t is too
late TO remedy the defect now; but Sa-
rah can console herself with the reflec-
tion that if she lives twenty years long
er she will be pretty old woman.
''Yeth," said the dude at Watch Hill.
r. l., II came here because they said
the British landed here" 'But that
was in 1872" said a bystander. ''Yeth,"
said the dude, $50 I've found out. and
I'm leaving to-day"
Baron Nordenskjold, while in Iceland
= discovered prehistoric map of that
island, together with portions of Green
land, England and Scotland. 1t is sup
posed to have belonged to an ancient
dynamite league
A St. Louis lawyer caught q man in
his house the other night and held him
until the police came. The arrested
individual thinks that the common cour-
tesy prevailing among thieves should
have induced the lawyer to let him 60.
Never plant tree without consider
ing how much space it will require fif-
fy years hence.-Press. just so. And
never get married without considering
how many dollars worth of shoes half
a dozen children can wear out In a
month.
'.Pm sorter 'spicious bout book sense.
Real old hOss sense is the kind of sense
10 have, an of a persons got the hoss
sense he don't neod the book larnin',
an of he hain't got the boss sense he
can't take book larnin' to any great
ALL
SAM" said a white man, '.you are
looking mighty you're al
ways looking pleasant" '1t's cause
Use happy, boss" why, Sam. what
have you got to make you happyP"
BOSS, rse happy cause Use alive. "
DGrky's Delight.
.Her face" writes Mr.. Richard A
Proctor, ''tells of remote youtn-a
time of fiery activity. Look at her
features, streaked, ringed and wrink-
Jed; they tell us of centuries of distur-
bance." Mr.. Proctor refers to that
faded old beauty, the moon.
The craze on electrical study is be-
ginning to bear fruit: "Are you the
conductor?" asked a lad on an excur-
sion train. 81 am," replied tho cour-
feous official, land my name is Wood. +"
-'Oh, that can't be-" said the boy, "for
wood is anon-conductor.
The unkindest cut of all: Mr.. Ira
1ala Ito barber, after enioving a hair
cut and his first shave and receiving his
-'check'O-'I think you've made a
mistake. Isn't shave 20 centsP"
Barber (deprecatingly)-'' Really, l
couldn't think of charging you for that,
sir"
Boston religious weekly feelingly
asks: sWhy do flies bite so much
worse in church than anywhere elseP"
This is a difficult conundrum; but it
may be that man is harder to keep
awake in church-in some churches, at
least-than anywhere else. e.-NorriS-
tOUn Herald
Charles said Mr.. Mundane, "you
cannot hope to succeed in the way you
are going. You should take advantage
. of your opportunities. Father" re-
piled the young man, his breast heaving
with emotion, Il hopo l am too much
a gentleman to take advantage of any
thing"
A colored barber on the Hudson riv-
er, who was badly shot in the thigh by
a dusky maiden because he insisted on
putting off the marriage day until Oc-
tober, said he didn't care so much about
being shot, but that it spoiled his new
trousers.
Rev. Mr.. Beecher says he does not
believe the story of the fall of Adam.
Perhaps he has arrived at this conclu-
sion from the fact that there were no
cranks in those days to throw banana
skins on the sidewalks, and water did
not freeze on the pavements with the
slippery side up.
Miss b. had told the servant to say
she was unwell if any gentlemen called,
and when the bell rang the girl met the
visitor. ''Is Miss B. inp' he asked.
Eyes, sir, but she is sick" "Ah, in
deed! / hadn't heard it. What's the
matterP" 81 guess as how it must be
you, sir, for she was well enough before
you called"
Teacher-''What do we learn by the
translation of the prophet Elisha" Dull
bOy-''That he saved his funeral ex-
penses. Teacher (severely)--"Ja
NIL hpu hot l. -,