davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Memorial.

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The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
He Was the Fellow.

Sol Miller is responsible for the fol
lowing:
A good thing IS related as having oc-
cured in a barbershop in certain town
in this county recently. on the occasion
of u { o-too wedding.
"Well.' said the barber to the usua
crowd of l0un%crs about such place. 81
Suess the monkey show will come Of
this evening"
What kind Of "a show is that?N in
CURED 4 stranger in the chair.
"Oh, there's to be wedding in town, -
replied the barber.
'WhO Is to be marricd?'
"Well. some ,raycling,mnn ont west /,
going to marry old Mrs Hornswoggle's
daughter. They would have been mar
ried year AGO, ii it had not been fol
the old woman.
"What was wrOn% with her?'
"Oh, she's regular old tom-cat with
goggles on. She's too pious to blow hei
nose, and the fellow is IN out-and-oul
Infdel."
And how have they fixed it, that the
marriage is To take place now?'
"Weil, he's worth about forty thous-
aud dollars, and she hadn't enough re.
ligion to buck against that. But it's
lucky for him that he lives 4 good way
from the old woman
The stranger was shaved, and As the
barber was brushing his coat, he inquir.
ed:
'Do you live in this neighborhood?
Nc" replied the stranger; I'm from
the west I'm the fellow that is to be
married this EVENING" Grip.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

EVANSVILLE, Ind, Jan. II, ISL recent.
ly bad very dithcilt case Of consumption.
] treated l. IN the most scientific mannerpo
siale, but 20 no fleet; patient grew gradual.
~ worse. Rather Than 10 give up and As a
last resort, decided, much against my wish,
to use \ rcmedy that had cured one of my
former patients. Greatly to my SUR rise, the
patient began 20 gain and In much shorter
time tiuH had dared to ever expect she was
completely cured The name Of this remark
able remedy is DR.. Kings New Discovery for
Consumption. | now use It altogether In my
practice ". d., E'yanSoN,. For sale
hy G. Gehring. Trial bottles free I6l
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

We never know, says the Buffalo En-
press. what is passing through the
minds of the sad-faced, immobile men
who open our doors or stand behind
our chairs at dinner Their countenan-
ces never reveal their impressions of the
queer things they are often called upon
TO witness. ApropQs Of this, one of the
correspondents tells a funny story of an
incident which occurred at Mrs. George
Ticknor's last summer at Newport. In
her hall always stood most impassiye
and impressive liveried footman, bear
ing 4 silver salver on which to receive
cards, and showing usually no more
emotion than the wooden hat rack
But one afternoon, when Mrs. Ticknor
was out and the house was very quiet,
an amanuensis copying notes in an up
stairs room, was startled by series of
bowls and yells from below. She kept
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
He Wantedto Be Glued for Life.

A couple from away up in the hills
came to town yesterday to get married.
The groom, apparently about thirty
years of age. wore clay colored suit
of jeans, and carried in one hand a
black snake whip The bride, who was
scarcely more than twenty, was indeed
blooming beauty. Making their way
to Il justice of the peace, and pulling
the license out of his pocket. the love
stricken man asked: 4 h'II.+
BE you the 'Squire?' s.t }i..'
Il be-" said the Squire; what is it
YOU wish?' sts
"Have you the power fur to marry
people and hitch 'enI solidp"
''Yes. SIR" Gtflrrt5 .tlplFT..
$50 it can't never become undonep"
Yes, SIR"
Fire ahead, Squire"
The Squire proceeded to business,
and when ne got as far rs the question
to the girl, "Do you take this man for
your lawful and welded husband| tho
groom heightened the ceremony BY put
ting the following additional questions
to her. for he wanted to be "hitched
tighter nur wax K
"And you won't have no more to do
with Bill Svkes?n mo" '.Nur Sam
Hil?" No" "Nur Pete Jones?"
mo"
.Sec here, Sallic, don't look down
on the floor that way; that means you
don't know whether YOU will or not.
Look squar' in my face, Sally"
Then Sally looked ''squar'" in his
face, and he continues:
"Nur Jack Powcrs?' $40. =
"No." '..
Here the Squire Interrupted and said:
II don't think it's necessary to pin
the young lady down so closely. She
promises me to be your true and lawful
wife, and that's enough"
esquire, you don't know that gal
like do. She's croquette. She tlirts
with every fellow who gifts struck after
her, and there are dozens of 'em. Now
| want all that business stopped; and |
want it done here by law"
80 be it," said the Squire; Sarah
Peters is welded to you for life, and no
power on earth can take her from YOU"
That's the talk! Come on. Sallie;
you're mine! We're glued for life!-oh,
wait till pay the Squire"
He paid the Squire q dollar-all he
had--and left for his country wagon
happier than he'll over be again. - Ken
tucky STATE Journal
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Piles.

Plies are frequently preceded by sense Of
weight in the back, loins, and lower part OF
the abdomen, causing the patient to suppose
he has some affection of the kidneys or neigh
boring organs. AT times, symptoms Of indi.
gestion are present, rs fItuleucy, uneasinesa
Of the stomach, etc a moisture, like per.
SpIration, producing avery dlssgrecablc itch.
ing, particularly at night after getting warm
in bed, Is = very common attendant. Inter
nal, external and itching piles yield at once
to the application Of DR.. BosankO's Pile Rem.
edy, which acts directly upon the parts affect.
I'd, absorbing the tumOrs, allaying the in
tense itching, aud ofiecting a permanent
cure where other remedies have failed. Do
nc, delay until the drrin upon the system
produces permanent disability, Int try it and
he cuied Price, so cents. Sold ~ G..
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Be sure and get the Genuine.
A Vegetable Product,

Jniy used in AYERS AGuE CURE, has
proven itself never falling and rarid
rnre for every form Of Malarial Dis.
order, Fever and Ague, or Chills and
Sever. No injury follows its use, aud
IS effects are permanent. 1t rouses
me system to condition of vigorous
health, cleanseS the blood Of maiariM
,,oison, and imparts n feeling OF com.
'Ort and security most desirable Ii
que districts. 1t is an excellent tonic
and preventative, as well as cure, OF
IL. complaints peculiar to malarlous,
narshy and miasmatic regions. The
yreat superiority of Ayers AGUE CuRH
.Vey any other compound is that II
ontans no Quinine, Arsenic. or min
raj consequently it produces no
,uinism or injurious effects whatever
,pon the constitution. Those cured
> it are left rs healthy as If they bad
ever had the disease.
The direct action Of AYERS AGue
.;uRE upon the Liver and Digestive
jrgans makes it superior remedy
,; Liver Complaints, producing many
charitable cures, where other mea-
ines have failed
For sale by all dcuggiSts.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
A Deluded Terrier.

l., the window OF q crockery store on
Washington street is china bulldog
OF ferocious aspect. surveying cat OF
the same material, which is calmly re-
posing on a shelf near by. The other
evening. the window being brilliantly
lighted. considerable amusement was
Afforded passers-by through the frantic
efforts of e live dog OF the Skye pcrsua-
sicn 10 reach his natural enemy, thocat.
Again aad again he sprang furiousiy at
the counterfeit feline. barking Justify
the while, and - often was he prevent
ed from reaching his prey by the thick
window pane. When last seen he was
sitting on his uauncnys. meditating a
frGs and mere vigorous attack. Bos-
ton Jo"rar}.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

According to the correspondent Of an
English trade journal, it is a mistake &c
suppose that fruit is absolutely neccs,
sary to the manufacture of preserves.
He describes visit to large jam-pro,
ducing factory. in which be found that
the work was being bravely carried on
without the aid of fruit at all. Jams OF
various kinds were being produced be-
fore his eycs-currant, plum, apricot.
straw berry, raspberry, and gooseberry.
Yet neither currant, plum. strawberry.
apricot, raspberry nor gooseberry was
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
GrAVr Robbers.

Of .h ,.s,-". 81 people the professional
grave Euh3vrs ,g,. most dr.pised. He robs
as rf "ur dear friends fer few dollars How
dill eat Is THIS new grave rcbber, DR.. Bige.
low Positive Care, which robs graves OF
hr;.. and, OF consumptivgs. This uncqugled
remedy for colghs, co!d- and consumption.
whooping cu3~E, rrDup and all throat and
lung di.aIs"s .LNdgrs and cnnqurrs these
trouble, ,p"edi}y safely aud thoroughly.-
Trisi bottle trae, Of f. y GugEs. 80
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

A young man who went to the circus
and stepped too near monkeys cage,
had his arm seized and saragely jerked
by one of the monkeys. He would
have escaped safely ii he had not said,
ut is merely Il monkey-wrench," but
when they heard that, the Infatuated
crowd tlrhW linn into the linnls dom
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
OTTAWA FREE TRADER: SATURDAY, MARCH II, 1883

in the building. Turnips served the
purposes of the fruit. The tlavorne
matter was extracted from coal tar. and
the resemblance to raspberry and straw.
berry jam was further produced by mix
ing the boiling compound with small
seeds of some cheap innocuous herb. a
common form of sugar is used, and this
is the only honest ingredient OF the
mess. These preserves are offered rs
made from this seasons fruit"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
STRONG
E4CTS/

A great many people are asking
what particular troubles Browns
IRON BlrTERs is good for.
1t will cure Heart Disease, Paral-
ysis, Dropsy, Kidney Disease, Con-
sumption, Dyspepsia, Rheumatism.
Neuralgia, and all similar diseases.
Its wonderful curative power is
simply because it purifes and en-
riches the blood, thus beginning at
the foundation, and by building up
the system, drives on, all disease.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

BY calling ct g. behring's drug store you
can get sample bottle Of DR.. Bosap kos
Cough and Lung Syrup hch Will relieve the
most obstinate cough or cold and show YOU
what the regular 30 cent size will do When
troubled with asthma, bronchitis, dry, hacf.
ing cough, paiu5 in the chest, and all diseas.
es OF the thc.vtaud hugs IT,, ntample bot.
/ ~ l.isur0icinc
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

Mt her work. thinking that if the SER
wants in the kitchen were killing each
other it was no business of hers. Don
up came maid to ask if she was fright
encd. She said she was not. "Oh, va
amt! Well. l thought I'd tell We,
mum. that it's only the footman. When
the folks is out an the house quiet he
can't stand it, an he has to holler. It's
kind o relievin' to him."
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
BuckIen's Arnioa Salve.

The hes, sai,e IN the world for cute, hruls-
IS, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever sores,
letter, chapped hands, chilbans, corns, and
all skin eruptions. and positively cures piles.
II is guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction,
or money refunded. Price % cents per 6ox.
For sale b. Il. Gthrir.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

lhey have on exhibition in the Cali
fornia town of Calico, according to the
San Francisco BHL}etin, a frightful look
ing quadruped captured on the desert.
to whom the hideous dragons on It Chi
nese tea chest are beautiful in COMPARE
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

Farmers and others desiring i genteel. lu.
crative agency business, by which So To 500
day can be- earned, send address at once, on
rostal, to II. C.. WILKINSON ~ Co, l95 and
49, Fulton ST., New York.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Grlggs's GlYeerlne salye.

The best on earth can be truly said Of
Griggs's Glycerine Salve, which is sure cure
fol cuts, bruises, scalds, burns, wounds, and
all other sores. VIII positively cure piles,
letter aud oil skin eruptions. Satisfaction
guaranteed or money refunded. Only %
cents. For sale by all druggists.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Excursion 10 Kansss and Nebraska - BE
Rock Kat,.S,

Rock Rai-S.
The G. X !. tS p. Il, K. is now selling
round trip land exploring tickets TO Coum
bus and Lincoln, Nebraska, and Abeline,
Florence, Council Grove, Independence, Bax-
ter Springs and Ialton, Kansas, for SIS 30.
Good for 81 DAYS from date Of purchase.
Trains leave ;,t S:l6 p. Vi. daily, arriving nj
Kansas City, Atchison and Council Bluffs
early ON the following morning.
C.. +. FRIzELLE, Agent.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Entire SuCCesa.

Ii has been proved hy the most reliable ties
timouy tnat Thomas Electric on is an en-
tire success IN curing the most inveierate ca
SEES Of Thcpmatism, neuralgia, lame back anC
wouud. of every description.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
A Lady Cured Of Rheumatism.

Baltimore. nd, May 7. 1880.
My health was much shattered by
rheumatism when | commenced
taking Browns Iron Btters, and !
scarcely had strength enough to at
tend to my daily household duties.
lam now using the third bottlc and ]
am regaining strength daily, and i
chcerfully recommend IL TO all.
| cannot say TOO much in praise
Off. Mrs. MARY T.. BRAsHEAK,
I75 prestmans;.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

We, the undersigned committee, having
been duly appointed by Rutland Orange 70.
oT3. respectfully submit the followipg reso.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

iAl'- Catarrh Cure Ia taken internally. II
sets airectly upon the blood and the mucous
surfaces OF the system. Price 75c. For sale
BY All druggists. (a)
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

trfiEht trains curry ms PTssrI i,nvo ottawa rs
follows; For ERri, 40 ,. W.; inr tWurs 'g.T5 ~.
for StTCatUf z. ~ g. y, 2. 81 .. g.. Hgu t,5 g. r..
Morning train makes clus" Sion o. Aurora ~
AZ points cast and west.
PuANsn Pq'Scc Sleeping tlF., I T.. q q. DraWt.g
Room LaT5 Horizons Eevl1inv CHAIR ttrs. HnI the T.
- q Palace DINING Carr hy iils route All isfprGs
ton abJut rate OF fare. sleeping scrotuno iatuns
and tnc tables vi b"checr 'l'ir aHvHu f. s0pyircbD
PFEGiVNL LOWELL,
General tus=t U.rr S-N. :. chicago.
THos. J. PuTtER,
General Manager. Chicago. Z. u MARVIN
A~Pnf Al NtrsVs
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Kidney Disease Cured.

Chrlstiansburg, Va, 1857.
Suffering from kidney disease,
from which could get no relief,
tried Browns Iron Bi;ters, which
cured me completely. A child OF
mine, recovering from scarlet fever,
had no appetite and did not seem TO
be able to eat at all. lgave him Iron
BiuefS with the happiest results.
J. KYLE MONTAGUE
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17

For the peculiar troubles to which
ladies are subject, Browns IRON
BITrERs is invaluable. Try it.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-03-17
Heart Disease.

Vine St., Harrisburg. Pa.
Dec. ?, 1881.
After trying different physicians
and many remedies for palpitation
of the heart without receiving any
benefit, Twas advised ,otry Browns
Iron Bi,,ers. have used two bot.
ties and never found anything that
gave me so much relief
Mrs. JENNIE HISS.
Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1883-07-14

Charley Hampton has sent us an extra
as a sample of what his HarbOr Springs
"Daily Resorter" is to be. 1t is newsy
and interesting. The regular issue will
begin next Monday.
VIM. B. Ellis. the efficient manager Of
the HemlOck Extract Factory, very kind
ly showed us through the factory, which
is well worth seeing. Mr., Ellis, who is
one of the prOprietors, informs us that
their goods, which are the best manu-
featured, are in demand at good prices,
and we are glad.
The propeller Messenger will make an
excursion from this place to Mackinac
island, some day in the near future.
Special rates will be made on horses and
carriages to parties who desire to take
their own rigs with them. The boat
will remain at the island long enough
to give ample time to drive about and
see all the sights.
Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1883-07-14
WE WILL FORFEIT $1,000

absolutely more
fresh startling novelties than other shcw Specially
commended and visited by the clergy heads of educational
millions the people the land The brilliant
full and talented gymnastc acrbac Juggling, amusing medley
under 1t CONFIDENTLY as
yond the contradiction that the
exhibition positively unequaed in the world We
swndng mounteban march of cheap daubed
CELL the public and them give all
ADVERTISE and too and for the than
earth.
G. j. Gregory & Prof. Donaldson.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-06-30

Now pity sweetiy whispers in my ear,
Expose not folly that deserves tear. "
1t is seldom, indeed, in the history
even of rural journalism, that so pitia-
Bile an exhibition of mental weakness is
to be met with as that displayed in the
editorial columns of the Cecil County
News on Wednesday last. 1t must
certainly have proved bitter humilia-
ton to the friends of that paper. Its
silly editor has not, it seems, yet learned
the first rudimentary lesson of his
trade,-that no man can strengthen
the cause he advocates by wilful traduc
ton of an opponent. Frazer starts out
to literally demolish the editor of THE
WIG. Like a minnow in a tea cup,
he lashes the water with his colossal
tail, he frets and fumes, he writhes in
pain, and then sinks exhausted, in the
abortive attempt to be sARCUsrICAL.
He browns in awfully shallow water.
Not once during his whole TRADE
does he even blunder into a libel, while
the GOODNESS with which he sets all
known rules of grammar at defiance, is
too refreshing even in midsummer.
Pity alone mitigates the contempt which
every intelligent man must feel for such
objectionable exhibitions of conceited
ignorance.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-06-30
CHESAPEAKE CITY ITEMS.

The farmers are busy saving their crops
of wheat and hay, and but for the storm
which suddenly came on, would have had
all or nearly all done up by this time.
One farmer had Just finished taking
down his entire crop and hauled his
reaper to the barn as the storm came ON.
Lucky Hugh Thompson, the only one on
the Manor or surrouning country, who
succeeded in saving his crop before the
storm. Hnghy is always ahead in his
farm and berry work but he could not
get ahead of that fox that got among his
turkeys and destroyed them. 1t will be
bad for that fox if it should come in his
way and woe he unto him.
The carpenters are all busily employed,
and have all they can possibly attend to,
and in fact, all mechanics, shoemakrrs.
blacksmiths, wheelwrights. thinkers, &c,
have plenty of employment.
G.. o. Massey on the Manor is build
ing Il large and commoiious barn, Hague
Il Bamick are the contractors aud build
erS.
Mr.. Writ, of Elkton, has contracted to
have a building pnt mp an his farm on
the Manor. Hague IL Bamick are the
contractors and builders Jeremiah Price
in SassafraS, has also contracted for a
large barn on his farm near Earlville.
Hague T. Bamick are the contractors for
this barn also, aud all these bu; ldiugs
and many more will be built from lum-
Der taken from the enterprising and
cheap lumber yard of Brady 4 Lindsey,
of our city.
The merchants, druggists and ice cream
dealers are iiourishing.
The dispenser Of anti local option, I'M
der the name of a drink called pear cider
or pear champaign (some call it bottled
lager beer) are tiourishing, Judging from
the large and sometimes noisy crowds
which may be seen assembled in and
around the bar rooms of those who keep
it for sale.
The barge, Equal Rights, is up above
the bridge taking in wood for Joseph
Lindsey, to be taken to Baltimore: All
our boats and water crafts have plenty
to do and the owners are III good spirits.
The latest rumor is that there IS q
temperance vigilence committee appoint
ed and at work, and will report at the
September term of court Of certain viola
tors of the local option law. POSTAL.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-06-30
Bal more and Ohio Contracts.

Chief Engineer Douglass, of the Phil
adelphia extension of the Baltimore and
Ohio Railroad, has nearly completed
the awards of contracts for the grading
and masonry of twenty seven miles of
the Maryland division and thirty three
miles of the Delaware division.
While the awards have been made and
the sections Of work assigned, it is stated
that but few of the contracts have as
yet been signed, though they will be in
few days. There was a large number
of proposals received for the work, and
the bids were at very low figures, there
being sharp competition for the contracts.
The work was apportioned i'll sections
ranging from two to ten miles each. The
awards have no. yet been officially an
nounced, but it is understood that among
the successful bidders are Messrs. Nokes
Il Byrne, of New York, who get about
John Fitzpatrick, of Lancaster, Pa,
another portion of the Delaware division;
Peter Gillice & Co., of Philadelphia, and
X. G. Houston, of Cincinnati, sections of
the Maryland division. One of the con-
tractors also stated that Mr.. James p.
McGovern and other Baltimore contrac
tors were included in the successful list.
baltimore american.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-06-30

The intense bitterness that prevails
among the honest Democrats of Ohio
is disclosed in the attacks of the Co.
lumbus " Sunday Capital" on Ballen-
tine, the new Secretary of the State
Committee, of whom it makes free to
say:
We know him to be An unprincipled
fraud, unworthy the confidence ofhones'
men, and as to his Democracy, it is an
article of merchandise, as was evidenced
to the assembled delegates in convention
two wears ago when he packed the opera
house with bowling mob of hired mer-
cenaries from Springfield to intimidate
uupurchasable and honest delegates. We
have not single word to say against
the other members of the committee, but
one thing is evident-Mayor Constantine
and one or two others could tie consoled
IL George Hoadly was defeated for Cover
nor provided the Legislature was Demo-
cratic and John w. Bookwalter its choice
for United States Senator.
This, of course, is tinctured with per-
sonal malice, but it shows the sort OF
animosities awakened by a convention
which left the old and tried Democratic
leaders "out in the cold," which dealt
dishonesty with the Tariff question,
and which not only favored "Free
Rum" and its most conspicuous and
brilliant advocate, but was full of if and
acted under its inspiration.