National Republican., 1883-09-25
1r is always an old leaf that autumn turns.

on city Derrick.
Ir is always an old leaf that autumn turns.
Gov. KNOTT of Kentucky, is ready to hang
anybody who comes before Him with the neces-
sary papers from competent court.
| A young man in Toledo plays two cornets
at the same timc The millennium is evidently
millions of years Oway.-NcV York Commercial.
The difference betweena bcsottod man and
| a pig is slight one at best Ones hunting grog
and the others a grunting hog,-Pttsbar1 Teic-
graph.
! VERY frequently the cry is started in New
| York that the city will soou be without water
and then the housekeeper goes out and buys an
| other barrel of beer.
| WHEN man drags out his last winters
| vest and unexpectedly finds quarter in 1t, no
feels richer than If he had struck the capital prize
| in lottery ry.-Boston Globe.
| THERE are 100000 commercial travellers in
this country. This. says the Chicago Nctcs, ac-
counts for that national modesty with which we
are credited BY foreigners
WHEN Philadelphian heard that his son
had embezzled 5000 he died. Poor mani How
much better it would have been for him to have
remained alive and fixed the iuryl
THE World says that in Memphis the Colt
revolver is edited with marked ability. How about
the little thing that makes the back trousers pocket
| of so many New Workers bulge? Is that ever
| edited2
A PoTTsvILLE Pa, lady boasts that
| pitcher hasn't been broken iu her house for thir-
! teen years. An exchange thinks that she evil
IDENTIFY gets her beer i'll q tin pail and uses con-
| densed milk.
THEsbig hearted man is not obliged to 60 to
the gymnasium of q young mems Christian asso-
I nin tff,, To aud abn n, l,,Ie
enough in going about doing good saving wood
for widows and helping lame dogs over stiles.
| A COMET without any tail has been discov-
cred in the big too JOINT of the constellation sagtt-
tarius This confirms our prediction that every
| thing would go wrong MS soon as Proctor Knott
got to be governor OF Kentucky Chicago NeCs.
WHEN lady living in Cholseasent to Lon-
don for doctor she apologized for asking him TO
come such distance. Don't speak of It," an
swercd tue NJ. D., 81 happen to have another
patient in the peighborhood, aud can thus kill
two birds with one stone."-Bismarcs Tribune.
PERE HYACINTHE is shortly to come to
this country OIL lecturing tour. 1t is generally
understood that he greatly assisted in hsliterary
labors BY Mrs. HyScnthe She reads him a
lecture every night. OF the little Hyacinthes
there are three of kindwhich beats pere-San
Francisco News-L Letter.
AN attempt or rather conspiracy, to rob
the Missouri sae treasury is alleged to have been
discovered. 1t will go hard with the Offenders.
Under the Missouri laws nobody can legally con-
spire to rob the state treasury unless he has filed
good and sufficient straw bond with the secretary
of State Chicago Ne,rs.
JOHN r. MCLEAN has been cited to appear
before the Cincinnati chamber Of commerce TO
answer charge Of unmercantile conduct. If in
his capacity as manager of the IIoadly canvass in
Ohio, Mr.. Mclean has been guilty of passing mu-
uated coin upon the guieless democratic voters,
there is punishment too ignominious for him.
Chicago Netcs
THE Rockford qll,) Register has dug out a
| man who seems to be Il living budget of proof that
there ought to be real old genuine orthodox
gahenna. Says the Register: D." He will single out
y young infant that is being led along by its
parents, or sisters, or brothers, and on passing
giveit rap on the top of the head, which soon
brings howl of agony. The person with the
child wonders greatly what causes it to yell in
unearthly manner, aud the child itself is too
young TO explain the cause of It's grief, while tho
real aHthor of the little ones misery walks along
chuckling 10 himself over the act"
AN English gentleman and his wife, who
have been travelling in Sicily, fell into converse
ton one day with the driver of the vehicle in
which they were riding. Il was not always as
you see me-" said the coachman sadly; ~ once
occupied much higher position" The travellers
pricked up their ears for romantic story ofnobil
ity in distress. "Ses," added the driver, II was
once a brgand, and all the men of my family oc-
cupied the same honorable position, but became
engaged TO girl whom loved to distraction, and
my fancee, disliking the profession on account of
its risks, persuaded me TO throw 1t up, 50 now
am only carriage driver"
THEY had revival down in Indiana res
Gently, which ended in old Ben Wilson's being
made u deacon. Last Sunday old Ben was espe-
cially annoyed by young men who, during the
whole time of service. were flirting with his
youngest daughter Their misbehavior was car
rled to climax when the regenerated father Was
praying. Suddenly he felt that he could bear it
no longer, and raising his voice TO its highest
pitch he prayed "An now, o Lord, hey mercy
on the dunn idiot with the store clothes on as is
winkn at our Alice, an keep him hangin' around
the church door when service is over till can git
10 him an put head on him Amen"
The most curious of all Paris curiosities
will cease 10 exist when the demolition of the
Grand Hotel Leguay, known as la Table d 'Hote
des Monsres," is completed, The hotel in itself
is like any common provincial hotel, but the guests
of its table d'hOte form an assembly hardly to be
met with in any other place Dinner being an
nounced the first couple to enter the dining hall,
with an air of perfect proprlety, are bearded
woman, accompanied by skeleton like gentle.
man. She receives his whispers with thoughtful
eyes, gently stroking her beard. A dwarf with an
enormous nose sits next TO them on a high stool !;
her neighbors are well known Snowman, who
now aud then turns his face round to the middle
Of his back-a convenience whenever the waiter
Is wapled-and u young ganess of l6 weighing
400 pounds, Somnambulists aCrobats, and many
more Of the same school complete the circle, who
alter tho meal is ended, will sometimes, for the
benefit of an occasional visitor, unite in dance
fantastic groIesque, and hideous to the last de-
gree
NED BUCKLEY, the actor says the Chicago
News, Is chock full Of couceit, and he is never
happier than when he is letting people know that
he Is the leading man of Il Union Square COM
pauy. Not long ago no was travelling with tho
company on an eastern railway, and Charlie
Frohman and Dave Belasco happened to be with
the party. Miss Maud stuart was reading little
,. book ofpoems and called Mr., Buckley's attention
10 the peculiar beauty of certain verses, stop"
cried Buckley "you are not reading those verses
correctly Let me show YOU" Aud with that he
! took the book from Miss Stuart, stood
up in tho aisle OF the car, and commenced
readlng in loud and impressive tone.
OF course no attracted the attention of every pas
! sengor present. hurried whispering between
Frohman and Belasco resulted in the latters ap-
proachiug Buckley aud mysteriously whispering
In his ear: "For heavens sake sit down! You're
making holy show of yourself. There's an
, awful rip in your pantsl" Poor Buckley turned
& tI,n fuhn nlTa ont t,,to