The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1883-04-07
SPEECH BEFORE THE ssLlME-KILN
CLUB"

| CLUB"
The Hon. Lawless appeared with a
pair Of red mittens in one hand and q
lemon in the other, and such was his
placidity of mind that when he bit in
to one of the mittens in place of the
lemon he never even changed color.
He sized up five feet and six inches, In
telligent expression, head cast in the
shape Of pear, aud feet large enough
to trample an onion bed out of sight.
He mounted the platform like steer
climbing side.hill, bowed right and
left in response to the applause, and
quietly began:
"NIy frens, cannot dispress de yleas
ure an gratificashun which feel to
fin myself standin' heah under de
sacred shingles of Paradise Hall-a
| structure whose name am a household
word whareber de English language
greets de ear. [Applause.] 1 would
rather STAN heah dan to be buried un-
der $40, 900 monument. (Cheers.1
"De subjick Oh my address am SEN
timent. What am sentiment? Whar'
do we git it, an what am it WORT by
de pound when de market am not
oberstocked? answer dat sentiment
am sort o. 'lasses am mush surround
iu' de heart. In some cases it hardens
up an turns to stun, while in odders it
thins out until de heart fairly floats in
a poud o. sweetness. CApplause. ]
Sentiment has considerable to do wild
cherry ackshun in our eberday life. 1t
am biziness when you start out to
borry pan of -four or basket oh
! fafn Aok n
| naybur to lend, Instead of demandin'
spot cash. [Wild applause from Judge
! Cadaver.1 "A.
dizziness acktuates de lazy an de
shiftless to sot out an beg cold vittles
an old clothes an dimes an quarters.
Sentiment acktuates women to shed
tears ober 'en am stock 'em up wild
'nuff to loaf on fur another month.
When we have a kickin' hoss our sent
iment am 'pealed to. We argy dat de
safety Of our loved ones requires US to
trade dat anamile off to some preacher
who wants perfeckly reliable hoss.
OATS one kind of sentiment. When
we buy an excurshun ticket to Niaga-
Falls, an' reach dc grand cataract arter
thirty hours sweat on cattle cars, de
immense waste of water 'peals to anod-
der sort o sentiment. When we luv
we reveal another phase of sentiment.
IF de gal am high-toned an rich de
sentiment am all solid. If she am on
ly average, an in debt fur her las cor
set, de sentiment am purity thin an
won't last longer dan de first bill fur
meat comes in. [Cries Of, "You bet."1
"My frens, sentiment writes poetry
wild one hand an tans de backs of de
chill'en wild de odder. 1t guides our
thoughts to friends ober de sea, an
sends old clothes to relashuns in Wis
! consin. 1t makes us shed tears fur de
mead, an yit warns us to cut de under
taker's bill down twenty per cent.
"Sentiment tells us to Iuv our fellow
men, an yit whispers to us to lock our
doahs an place torpedoes in our hen
roosts. [Groans.l I have been look
in into de matter fur de las forty
eight Vars, an has cum to de con-
clushun dat it was wise thing to pur-
vide de human race wild sentiment. If
it had bin left out by any accident in
dc miXin' de bes' man among us
wouldn't have got bid ifp put up at
aucshun along wild a lot of fence-posts.
l could talk to you fur three straight
weeks on dis subjeck, but obsarvin'
dat my half hour am up will chop off
right heah an hope dat it may be my
pleasure at some fucher day TO meet
you agin. Any pusson who wants his
fortune told will find me in de aunty-
room fur de nex' two hours" GCheers
and yeI1s.1