The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
THE OMNIBUS.

The farmers inquiry: "Hay?"
The Order of Cincinnati: Zwi lager.
The best thing in print-a pretty girl
in O calico dress.
The horrible commencement season
Ia coming. Comments are unnecessary
The difference between an overcost
and baby is the one you wear ana c
other you we're.
A Boston stock specula.or has discov-
cred that when money is tight, brokers
are sober.
When woman wants TO be pretty, she
hangs her hair, and when she wants to
be ugly she bangs the door.
Notwithstanding the progress in athlet-
les at our colleges, the frog still wears
the belt as the champion jumper.
A man named Gasbill asked the Ar
kansas Legislature TO change his name,
md it was done without asking his reas-
ons for desiring 1t.
NO." said the college man, IL don't
care copper whether l get n degree or
not; I've got my skull and cross-bones
pin, and that's a passport into any soci-
ETY..
sHome schweed home!" said Hans !;
sDots 30; dere vas no blace like home
ven a feller he got him bongry, und dond
haf no moneys und no blace to schleep
himself oud."
A mother, not long since, was lament
ing the loss of child Zone Of family Of
eight, because she said, there was
Just enough for cotilion, and they did
dance 10 prettily!"
any dear" said q sentimental wife,
"home, you know, is the dearest spot on
earth" "well, yes" said the practical
husband. at does cost about twice as
much rs any other spot"
"Those birds flying over wonder aquatic
birds, supposed" asked the young man
in the seal-brown suit Of the captain of
la4e steamer. "No they anti" was the
scornful reply. "Them's ducks"
That was cool Scottish aside" of an
old dealer, who, when exhorting his son
to practice honesty in his dealings, on
the grounds of its being the "best policy"
quietly added, Il hae tried baith."
Il wonder If any one ever goes to
concert to enjoy the music?" | said won
deringly. "No one but the performers"
answered mamma; mo one ever does
truly enjoy music but the performers"
Ifthe ordinary attire of lady at a
fashionable ball is called "full Dress"
we want TO hide behind the parlor door
when she appears in semi.dress. That
is 10 say we don't want to exactly, but il
would spare our bushes II we did.
How wicked the people are getting, to
be sure. Parties are going around with
English sparrows painted yellow, and
selling them for canary birds. They
have few genuine canary birds along to
ring. and sell the sparrows.
There's one thing" said dear old Mrs.
O'Brallaghan, "about these ere Copey
Island races as never can understand.
When parties is desirous of certain
horse coming forward what do they
mean by sayin' l want to back him?"
A gentleman whose wife was taken
suddenly i'll, FASTENED TO physician, who
Immediately responded. what is the
matter with her doctorr' 81 fear she has
the lockjaw." "Lockiaw. Well, doctor,
you may as well let her run along that
way for few hours"
Waiter Ito cook: "George. the gent
at number three says as his potatoes
amt good-says as they've all got black
eyes in EN-" Georye fresl name Pat
rick: "Bedad. thin its no fault of mine.
The spalpeens must have been foightin'
after | put 'em in the pot.
A little Newport girl hearing her
mother reading about Queen Victoria al
mos. living CT mutton with carrots and
turnips, exclaimed: "And she eats thai,
And she dosnt get any cake or ice
cream Goodness gracious, | wouldn't
be queen for anything"
The epitaph that went upon the tomb
stone of man in Arizona who loved his
neighbors' horses not wisely but too well,
and who was victorious in dozen other
directions, read as follows: "He was
pretty mean in some respects, but then
he was meaner in Others"