davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

A grocer grossly insulted Mrs. Me
Coffin the other day without intending
it. She was an immensely stout woman,
and stepping upon the scales playfully
requested the grocer to weigh her. AS
he adjusted the weights he remarked
that she weighed 100 pounds, which
proved to be her exact weight. "liow
did you come to guess it," she asked.
81 am used to guessing at weights.
weighed hogs for five years in Cincin-
nati''
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

4 RKLI,nLE AxKcDors.-sI reaIly
can't understand why you don't pay mc
my little hill. You have never given
me single cent"
"if time wasn't money. I'D explain "
you"
Now You are giving mc impssisnce. /"
"Well. you were cosnplainim9 iuaa
now that hadn't given yoa anyShiag.
You are always grumbling about nosh.
ing"
"fou Promised to pay me three
months ago, AMI relied oa yoa.''
That's So"
"And you lied"
'Precisely ~. lied on YEN and
you relied on me. 80 ~ arr even.
Goodbye"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

\ New York musical writer claims to
have discovered that neither 1.-The Star
Slangled Banner" nor "IIail Columbia"
are original American tunes, but that
both were stolen from old German au-
thors. This discovery will not discour-
age any American citizen. Where "The
Star-Spangled Banner" and "Hail
Columbia" came from is matter OF
Indifference SO long as We know that
the tune to beautiful Snow" was not
stolen
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
HE GOT LEFT.

He was counting a Boston belle, one
of the Beacors Hill aristocracy. He
wished to impress upon her aesthetic,
susceptible mind that he was way up in
the classics, and that he was young
gentleman of culchah. Said he:
"My stellar soul, the pleiades of my
solar center, you are magnificent as the
constellation Hercules, as charming as
Urso Major, as regular in outline as
Aquilla, and as transcendentally stately
as the great Southern Cross, with the
beautiful proportions of the Isosceles
Triangle"
Said she: "Young man, you had
best square the circle, box the compass,
and make bee-line for the milky-way
and the planetary Orion. When you
were introduced to me, inferred that
YOU were man; but | have diagnosed
your mental and physical proportions,
and you turn out to be ouly an astro-
nomical idiot with false pretensions t.
occult geometry, concerning which you
know as little as western cowboy does
about ballroom etiquette. There is the
| door, sir; get!'
And he got without further ceremony
IL Chicago Tribune.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

All transient men who put up at ho-
tells are 'traveling men," but all trav-
cling men are not commercial drum
mers.' 1t is Il reason why drummer
should call himself Il drummer.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

Ash friend fnr the loan "i a sovcr-
eiTn through a telephone and he viii
say II cannot understand. Come here
., three o'clnk " NJ three O'clock the
man who could not understand will be
somewhere else.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

II Is said Ia hc almost impossible 10
co,umit suicide by drowning len Phils.
dcIphia. becau-c "Rcslsly" shannon n
sure 10 he around Ia the rcscue. lie h
u hard-workiHg stcvedose, 10 whom n
credited AN astonishing numlcs NJ v~.-
cues from drowning---no les~ than iaa
men and boys owirs their lives 10 him,
Shannon began when he was ten ycasu
old, and has been al II ever since.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
WHY THE MINISTER HAD A I

WHY THE MINISTER HAD THIN
SHIN.-Rev. Dr. s., who happens
to possess a rather ilorid complexion,
recently went into the shop of Il barber
-one OF his parishioners-to be shaved.
The barber was addicted to an occasional
spree, after which his hand was apt to
be somewhat unsteady. In shaving
the minister on the occasion referred to
he made slit and brought the blood to
the surface in a considerable quantity.
The minister turned to the man and
brother, and said, in a tone of solemn
severity: "You see, Jackson, what
comes from taking too much drink. "
.'Yes sah," replied Jackson, sit makes
de skin very tendah, sab. 1t do for Il
fack, sah."
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

There are fellow. who cant re,namlssr
anything. Here's an advertisement
f'om the Dispatch "ic.i. II thc
party who got my pcckesbook nj the
fire las, night will please forward my
letters of introduction to my vile, I
shall esteem IL u kindness !" A man
who has been away from home ~ long
that he has ,o yet friend to wriss him
letters Of Introduction 10 his vile, hes
no business 10 bc foo;ing around . Are,
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

The wnman whu Doesn't like her nose
can have Il rrm~lrl"d ~ brooklyn Tor
~ She will lse cautioned not to blow
II lof three months after the operation.
~ Detroit Free Pr.-s. Here ~ Il
chanrr lor Alice Marguerite King. who
sne'l a Nashville paper for saying she
hal a tag nn-.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21

When Ismail Pasha looks at his bills
for fall bonnets that's the time, OF
course, he finds his harem scare i'm.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-12-21
Washington NIandard.

IohN MILLER MU RPHY,
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1883-06-16
HOUSEHOLD HINTS.

BRFAD STEAEs Add litde milk, pep
per, salt and spice to an egg and beat well
together. Cut some slices of bread of even
size ana shape and fry light brown in out
ter or oil Drain on paper. pile on dish
anil serve with Iomat. sauce.
RE- Ia ToM.TE Boil half pound Of
rice with one very small onion chopped
fine; vixen done and nearly dry stir in two
t4blespOOnfuls Of grated cheese. three OF nice
tomato sIuce, one teaSP'onfuI Of chopped
parsley, ieaspoOulul Of sweet herbs a little
cayenne and .lt aud i large teaspoonfu OF
the best fresh butter Form into a mound
and serve very hot.
SARDINE To,sr. Divide some sardines
Lsngthwise, remOy. .ng SKIN, bones and tails /;
add little OF the uh from the TN aud put
into the oven between two plates, letting
them get quite hot. Take some thin strips
Of bread, the exact length of the sardnes,
fry them ia butter. put h,lf a sardine on
each slice, sprinkle on cayenne and salt
and a squeeze of lemon juice aud serve very
hot
ALMOND PCDDING - bIanch and pound
with little rose water four o snces Of sweet
almonds; add one teaspOonfuI Of bitter
almonds scald one pint OF milk; stir two
tablespoonful of corned starch with some
cold milk, add 10 the scalded milk and keep
. stirring until it thickenS; take from the
tire, add a tablespoonful Of butter and Il small
cup Of powdered sugar; when cool add two
well beaten eggs and the whites of two eggs
yhisked tU j lrOth, also the almond paste !;
beat thoroughly together. pour into but
tered mould and boil one hour; let it stand
ten or fifteen minutes before turning out Of
the mould; serve with rich wine sauce.
CHEESE FoNDU Soak one cup of dry
bread crumbs in one anil a hall cups OF milk,
rich and fresh, "r II will curle. Beat
three eggs very light, add 10 the crumbs one
tablespoonful of melted butter, seasoning to
taste; beat all together; lastly, add one
pound of finely-grated old cheese. Butter q
baking dish, pour in the fOndu, strew dry
bread crumbs over the top and bake IN
rather quick oven until brown Serve I'M
mediately in the baking dIsh as It >oon falls.
CHICKEN CROQUEIIES AND SoUF.-DOll
the chicken for the soup and croquettes the
dav before Put the chicken IN cold water,
simmer ~Iowly until the flesh can be picked
from the bones; return the bones to the liquid
add a stalk Of celery. Two or three rounds OF
an onion finely chopped, TWO or three slices
Of dry bread, some Parsie! a"d seasoning
simmer slowly TWO hours. STRAIN through
sieve and set way until the next day When
needed for the dinner skim of the tat. pat
over the fire, and when boiling add two table
sDooululs of rice When the rice IS well
boiled and the soup to be served, add oaA
pint of boiling cream and tabeSpOSr-Al OF
chopped parsley. Chop the chicken for the
eroquettes, add 4 teacupiul Of boiled rice,
tablespoonful OF melted butter, one table
spoonful OF cream one well-beaten eGaWr
and pepper to taste, and little s'Ft Dr.
parsley Form into balls or cakes al
in hot dripPings. Garnish with
crosses.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1883-06-16
Galatea

moments grace. Pygraaiion Iet me be
breathe space longer ON thi- hitber hand
OF fate tJo swtrt too sad Sos. mad To- meet
Whether to b. th, statue .r ray bgid--
An instant spare me T=rrib.= the rhuI-.
A. know man kHoweth being only man;
Nor any. saving her who hath been stons
Aud loved her sculptor. Shall dare exchange
Veins of the quarry Tor the thr"bbing pulse
Insensats calm for 4ure-achins hearfe
RsPor.e eternal for woman lot.
FOreso Gods quiet for fh. love - man
To hott on hi, uncertain t-uderue.s
wave tossed mp the shore 81 Ia desire
To ebb aud tow ,sheus' Ter 81 ple1sett him
EsrnsHlhered AZ his leisur- and forgot
MorshipPed and worried, clasp-d and dropped ar
mood
Or soOthed or ga-hed AZ mercy Of hi- will.
Wow Paradise my portion. and now Hell
And every 81 gle several nerve that beat.
In soul or BODY. like -"nIe rare vase. thrust
La Grs first. ami tl,sn ia frost. un.iI
The fine protecting nbre snap
Oh. ~ho.
Forskn9~,ns. ever rhos- q fate like thi.:
What Woman. Dut Of ali ri.s breItHin. sOLd
WoHId be a ~1mIn. could her heart select
Or love her lover -hnuId l-r lifs prevent.
Then lst me he that only. only one.
Thus lrt make tI1t -1cr,de- supreme
No other ever mad- r4n. ~ shall.
Behold, the futur- shall si4ud stin t. ask
What man worth pres So ISOLATE
And rate tiI-e IT. valn- for ali time
For aEl driven by awful Law.
See while 1 hesitate 10 m0ideth me
And carve me like chi.el 4 nv heart
'fis stronger than the woman or the man.
''Tis greater than all torment or delight
'Tis mightier than the mirbIe 1r the iesh
Obedient be the sculptor sni the zone
Thine am l. thine all til- cost Of all
The pangs that usmau tUr. for man
Thine elect 20 BE-, denying them
Thine elect to be, d-lying them ;
Thine, thine dare To be. in -cs,fl Of them
And being thine forever ble9- them
Pygnalion Take m- from nay pedestal
And set me lOweT-lower. love that
May De woman and loOh up to thee
And looking. longing. loving. give and take
The human kisses worth the worst that tl.1u
By thine own nature shall inhirt on me
r Elizabeth Stuart Ph~ips ,H HDPsl-s dyIzi.!r
JOr Aas.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1883-06-16

II Advertisers resanr IN the Eastern United sfars
peg their rards b. rncosing ~enhacts pes
Postage Stamps for sueh hss ssh 20 and bs
cards S ~ inserted shove table for the tine paid Tor
az Business Cards. When
aossi discount ron thesr Which for trnusl-pt
advertisements when paid charged quarterly.
Single copies Of the T.o rus when charged
Fineen Centss by the dozen. One Dollar
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

BULL-DoZERs AND UNsEXED FE-
MALEs.-Geo. Cotton, the well known
politician, pulled off his coat and waded
right in at the recent election in Anne
Arundel county, Nd, in favor of local
option. The following is what he has
to say in his paper, the Annapolis Re
publican, in regard to certain criticism
against the ladies:
ITO call the ladies of Annapolis, who
were battling for their rights and free
dom for their husbands, sons, fathers
and brothers, a fanatic mob and unsered
bull-dozers, will fall very harmless at
their feet.
otis true that they did resort to
prayer, and we are glad to believe that
it was efectual. God heard the erie:
of the widow, and treasured up the
orphans tears, and the good effects o.
last Tuesdays efforts will never bt
fully realized until the secrets of al
hearts shall be made known in thai
great and terrible day, for which al
other days were made.
These ladies, and they embrace as
true women as any in the land, did no
unsex themselves, but feeling vicarious
ly as only woman can feel the effects O
wine as mocker, did not work tina
was disagreeable, but only in the sam
way that their sisters in Israel of oil,
held up their fathers and brothers VIII,
were fighting the heathens in tn
plains below.
In the meantime let us receive OIL
victory as becometh good citizens, ant
be thankful .....-...s -,yss..,s.s,,
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17
Winding Up the Clock,
When the Weary Wheels Were Al
most Still, A Lucky Accident Re-
BIZ veals the Lost Key.
"How long did you say You had it?'

How long did you say You had itg'
twenty-five years."
What! bad cough with occasional attacks
ofbemorrhage, for twenty five years? Why, man,
it's mercy that there's dozen pounds left of
you"
Abraham Orner of Highspire, Dauphin County,
Pa, stuck 60 his statement, and when the excla-
nations of wonder ceased he added:
Exactly You're right. 1t is a mercy But
the greatest mercy of all is that before actually
cOughed myself out of existence got hold of
PARKER's GINGER Tonic, and few bottles of it
cured me-"
d" Cured you? Relieved you you mean?
81 mean what | say: it cured me-" said Mr..
Orner, simply. " | feel like another man"
Please take especial notice: PARKER's GINGER
Tonic IS not mere essence of ginger: not mere
stOmachic. The ordinary preparations of ginger
are beneficial for transient aches but at that point
! their value endS. PARKERS GINGER 1ONIC covers
a far wider and totally different field. 1t attacks
and disSipateS radical and chronic diseases Of the
Lungs. Kidneys. Liver and Nerves 1t is as deli.
ciOus to the palate as it is prompt and effective in
! operation. Ginger is only among mann power
| full curatives which the TONIC holds in cHmbinA-
ton. Test its virtue for that cough of yours OF
tor any of the ills which require an invigoran
for the whole system.
And, above all, do not permit yourself to b,
misled. PARKER'S GINGER TONIC stands aiOnc
Nothing else is just the same or "juSt as good
! Prices % cents and 81. Economy in buying tn,
larger size. IISCoX Il Co., New York.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

neW Cdsue accommodation ITdfns.-Leave VIII
mington at A. Nj. and P. NJ. Leave New Castle
at 9.35 A. NJ. and 4.40 P. NJ.
SMYRNA BRANCH TRAINS.-Additiona to
those above. leave Smyrna for Clayton 220 and
7.45 P. N. Leave Clayton for Smyrna 7.25, 1880
\. NJ, and 4.3j and 500 P. NJ. TO make connection
with trains North and SOuthl from Clayton.
CoNNECTIONs.-At Porter. with Newark & Della
ware City Railroad. At Townsend, with Queen
Annes& Kent Railroad. At Clayton, with Delaware
Chesapeake Railway and Kent County Railroad.
At Harrington. with junction & Breakwater Rail-
road. AT Seaford, with Dorchester & Delaware
Railroad. At Delmar, with Eastern Shore Rail-
road wicomico Pocomoke Railroad. and Penin-
sula Railroad.
CHAs. E. PUGH, General Manager.
J. r. WOOD, General Passenger Agent
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17
Home Thoughts for the Earmersi

Make your home pleasant. Have
your houses warm and comfortable for
the Winter. Do not build a story-and7cJ
a-half house. The half story is simply
an oven in which during the Summer,
you will bake every night, and feel in
the morning as though only rind of
yourself was left. Decorate your
rooms, even if you do so with cheap
engravings. The cheapest are far
better than none. Have books and
papers and read them. You have
more leisure hours than the dwellers
in the city. Beautify your grounds i,
with plants and flowers and vines.
Have good gardens. Remember that
everything of beauty tends to the
elevation Of man. Every little morn l
ing glory, whose purple bosom is thrill
ed with the amorOus kisses of the sun,
tends to put blossom in your heart.
Do not Judge of the value of everything
by the market reports. Every flower
about the house certifes to the refine
ment of somebody. Every vine, climb
ing and blossoming, tells of love and
joy. - 3 : h'.'
There is no reason why farmers,
should not be the kindest and most
cultivated of men. There is nothing in
plowing the fields to make men cross,
cruel and grabbed. To look upon the
sunny covered slopes does not tend to
make men unjust. Whoever .labors
for the happiness of those he loves,
elevates himself no matter whether he
works in the dark and dreary shops, or
in the perfumed fields. To work for
others is, in reality, the only way in
which a man can work for himself
Selfshness is ignorance. Spectators
cannot make unless somebody loses.
In the realm of speculation, every sue
cess has at least one victim. The
harvest reaped by the farmer Benefits
all and Injuries none. For him to sue
ceed it is not necessary that some one
would fail. The same is true of all
laborers. We can imagine no condi-
ton that carries with it such promise
of Joy as that of the farmer in the early
Winter. He has his cellar filled, he
has made every preparation for the
days Of snow and storm, he looks for
ward to three months of ease and rest
to three months with wife and children
three months of fireside content three
months of long, delightful evening
three months of home; three months
of solid comfort.
If farmers will cultivate we'll anC
without waste; if they will so builc
that their houses will be warm il
Winter and cool in Summer; if the
will plant trees and beautify thei
homes; if they will occupy their leis
ure in reading, in thinking, in improV
ing their minds and in devising way
and means to make their bushes
profitable and pleasant; if they wi
live nearer together and cultivat
sociability if they will come togetht
often; if they will have bath room
ice houses and good gardens; if the
wives can have an easy time; if IL
nights can be taken for sleep and th
evenings for enjoyment, everybod
will be in love with the fields. HapI
ness should be the object of life, and
life on the farm can be made real
happy, the children will grow up
love with the meadows, the stream
the woods and the old home. ArouI
the farm will cling and cluster u
happy memories of the delight
uaaro 2
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

The Milwaukee fire which took
place at the Newhall House in that
city on Wednesday morning with the
loss of over 100 lives besides the great
destruction to the adjoining property
is quite enough to make one shudder.
1t is stated that the hotel was a COM
plete tinder box, that the rooms were
wedged sardine like, and the wonder is
that the destruction to life was not
much greater. There were 3S5 guests
and over one hundred employees in
the hotel at the time of the confagra-
ton.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

PROTECTING His CHARACTER.-En-
tering the shop of his tailor the other
day, he said: UeyD5ihU uAl
-- " Sir, 1 owe you $780,"
>. Yes, sir, you do"
! rAnd haYe.owed it for a year."
"You have"
And thsis the fifth postal card you
have sent me regarding the debt"
81 think it's the ffthp
Now sir. while / cannot pay the
debt for perhaps another year, 1 pro-
pose to protect my character as far as
possible. Here are twelve two-cent
stamps You can use them in sending
me twelve monthly statements of ae-
count, and can thus save your postal
cards and my feelings at the same
time
Itis said that the, tailor has credited
the twenty four cents on account, and
feels that he has secured more of the
debt than he had any reason to hope
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17
A sPLENDID RENEDY For I IJN,e ! !, ID

A SPLENDID REMEDY FOR LUNG DIS
EAsEs.-Dr. Robt. Newton, late Presi-
don't of the Eclectic College of the
cry Of New York, and formerly of Gin
cinntti, Ohio, used DIR. VIM. Halls Bal
sam very extensively in his practice, as
many of his patients, now living, and
restored to health by the use of this in
valuable medicine, can amply testify.
He always said that so good remedy
ought not to be considered merely as a
patent medicine, but that it oughtto be
prescribed freely by every physician as
a sovereign remedy in all cases of Lung
diseases. 1t is sure cure for consunp-
tion, and has no equal for all pectoral
complaints.
Kettinger's LiniBlent. We desire I'd
call the attention of the public to Kell
linger's Liniment, one of tts best prep
arations ever putlup for all general pur.
poses for which 8 Liniment is used
Applied to the head it relieves head
ache, and prerents the hair from falling
out.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17


s.Ex TEMPoRE PREsIDENTs.-The
Presidential Succession bill, which
passed the Senate by vote of 40 to 13,
introduces an entirely new notion in
our government. Tt provides that in
case of removal, death, resignation or
Inability of both President and Vice
President of the United States" the
Secretary of State at the time shall act
as President, or in case this Office is
empty, then the Secretary of the
Treasury, and so On,through the Secre-
tary of War, the Attorney General,
the Postmaster General and the Secre-
tary of the Navy to the Secretary of
the Interior, who is the last officer
made eligible for the temporary exer-
else of the Presidential function.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

The Mock Auction System Of swind-
ling is assuming something like its old
dimensions in New York, in spite of
the legislation on this subject. 1t was
pretty thoroughly stamped out at one
time, but is now flourishing again in a
manner which green bay tree could
by no possibility approach. But Peter
Funk has changed his stock. He no
longer deals in brass watches, but in
cigars impregnated with the flavor OF
the Connecticut cabbage, and with
boxes of these he loads the unsuspect-
ing countryman in search of fragrant
HaVanas.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

O'DoNovAN RossA's OPINION. -
O'Donovan Rosa, speaking of the
Great German Remedy to a friend,
said: t'Mrs, Rosa has been cured ,oi
a very severe attack of ueuralgias by
st. Jacobs OIL, as she viii gladly tell
you, if you call at my residence, S7e
,Bushwick Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y.n
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

Each. is the value of the TWO
REGISTERED Calves belonging
to T. Howard Wilson, Esq, of
Lebanon, Del, Sdued by LOlOber's
Fdmity Physician. Mr.. Wilson
had lost 3 of these Calves, from
attacks of Bronchitis, before he
tried the great curative. Hesays
IT When the FOURTH one was
almost dead, my neighbor, Mr.,
Hanson, came over and advised
Family Physician, we gave it a
dose and went into dinner;
remarked, twill be dead when
we come back Immagine my
surprise and qualification. on
my return, to fHd ii on its fec
eating StrdtC.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

The ice men of Maine, with twelve
inches of solid ice ON the Kennebec,
and the prospect of harvest of 500,-
600 tons from that river alone, are very
unhappy. for the reason that There is
liKelyIto be vast supply the country
Over, and along the Hudson in pafticu.
lar. Furthermore, there is an. unusual
quantity left over from last years cut.
ting, and it will take something more
than whistling to keep their courage
up to the point of expecting good prices
and quick demand.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

DR.. Tanner, of fasting fame, has writ
ten letter to the Cleveland Herald,
denying the story that his wife was
forced to seek divorce from him be-
cause he made her the subject of diet.
airy experiments.
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

If there is one time more than
another when man regrets being old,
and baldrheaded and married, it is
when the ground is covered with
white, crisp snow and the merry jingle
of the sleigh bells comes to him DER
and DER
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

The New York Tribune paid divi-
dend of % per cent. last year. White
law Reid, its editor, and not Jay Gould
las has been commonly supposedly owns
q controlling interest of its stook,----
Smyrna times., 1883-01-17

Tennessee now takes its pill. The
state treasurer managed to get rid of
about half million of the State funds,
and then decamped. Speculation is
the trouble. Thus it goes. 1t will yet
be necessary to establish rigidly severe
punishment for those who speculate
with trust funds.