The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1883-02-04


"What on earth is that you have got on
your upper lip said the grocery man to the bad
boy, he came In and began to peel rutnbaga and
his upper LIP hung down over his teeth, aud was
cred with something that looked like shoemaker's
wax. You look us though You had been digging
potatoes with your nose. 80
',Oh, that's some OF pas darn smartness | asked
him n he knew anything that would make q boys
musache grow, and he told me the best thing he ever
tried was var, and for me to rub II on thick when
went 10 bed aud wash II of In the morning pat It
on last night, aud by gosh I can't wash It of, Pa
told me all had to do was 10 use securing brick
and II would come on and used the brick, and II
took the skin on and the tar Is there get and say,
does my lip look very bad2''
The grocefyman told him " was the worst looking
lip he ever saw, but he could cure " by rubbing lit
tie cayenne pepper In the tar Io said the tar would
ncuttali2e the pepper, and the pepper would loosen
| the tar and act as n cooling lotion to
/ the acerated lip. The boy went TO can of pepper
behind the counter and stuck his fingers In and rub
bed lot Of II on his lin, and his hair began to raise,
and he began TO cry and rushed TO the WATERFALL and
his face into the water 10 wash of the pepper,
| Tho grocetyman laughed, aud when tho boy had got
he said
rhat seals your fate. No man ever tribes with
/ the feelings Of the bold buccaneer Of the spanish
/ Main without living to rue IT, VIII lay FOR you,
| old man, aud don You forget II. IA thought he
/ was smart when he got me to put tar on my III to
bring my mustache out, aud to-day he lays on he'd
| Of pain, and Tomorrow your turn VIII come, You
win regret that you did not get down on your knees
| aud beg my pardon. You win DO sorry you ala not
prescribe cold cream Tor my bruised lip instead Ot
CAYENNE pepper Beware, you base twelve ounce to
sausage, you sanded sugar idiot YOU small potato
three-card monte selght. of-hand rotten egg hend,
You villain that sells smoked sturgeon aud dognsh
Tor smoked halhut. The ayenger Is on your track -
g. Look here, young man. don't You threaten me-
on VIII take yon by the ear aud walk you through
green fields, and beside still waters 10 tho front
door, and kick your pistol pocket clear around you
can wear II "a watch pocket IN your vest. No boy
can Brighten me, 10y ciimus. But tell me, how did
YOU get even with your pap
Wen, give me a glass Of cider and we WIN be
trt L. IN pf n Ip1
sewer WATER, and he took handful OF layer ralslns
of the top OF q box TO take the taste out Of his
mouth, aud while tho grocer charged peck Of
iutabagas q gallon OF cider anG two pounds
I OF rlisins TO the boys pa the boy ptO-
ceeled: "Nou see, pa likes ioke the hest pt any
man YOU ever saw II 1t Is on somebody else, but he
Kicks like steer when II is on him. asked him
this morning wouldn't he good Joke to put some
soft soap on the front step the letter carrier would
slip M aud splll hsset, and pa said It would be ee-
giant. ia isa Democrat and he thinks that ytl!ng
that win make II unpleasant for Republican office
holders s legitimate, and ho encouraged me to para
I'VE the lettet-Cnrrier. The leter.cafer Is old
mau as pa, and ddu't want to humilate him; but
lust wanted pat give his consent, ne couldn'
kick u no got caught In his own trap. You see.
Wen, this morning the minister aud two Of the dea-
about his actions In church on two ol
three occasions, when he pulled ont the
pack Of cards with hls hhndkerchief and
played the music box, aud they had pretty hot time
IN the hack parlor, aud finally they settled It, and
were going to sing hymn. when pa handed them
little hymn-hook, and the minister opened It and
turned pale and said; WHATS this, and they
looked ut IT, AMI It was book Of Ioyle's instead Of
hymn-book. Gosh Wasn't the minister mad? III
had started to read hymn and he quit after he reat
two lines where 1t said: In game OF four handet
euchfe never trump your partner ace, but rely OF
was irving 10 explain how the hook cam,
TO be there when the minister and the deacon
started out and then poured the quart tinpail iul
ot soft soap on the front step twas this white soap
lust the color OF the step and when got It spread
went down In the basement. The visitors came out,
ahd pa was trying to explain to them about IiOye.
when ono of the deacons stepped IN the soap. aud hi
feet flew NJ and he struck on his pants aud slid dow
the steps The munster said, Great heavens deacon
are you hurt? Let me assist YOU and he took TIVE
qulck steps, and YOU have seen these fellows In mig
, ger show that kick each other head over heels an,
, fall their ears, and stand their head
, and turn atOuud like q top. The minister's fee
slipped, and the next saw he was standing on hi
fell limp by his side. and he fell over his stomach
You talk about spreading the gospel In heather
with two quarts OF soft soap. The minister diin =
look pOus bit when he trying to catch the rail
Ing. lie looked as though he wanted TO murder
every man on earth, but It may be he was tired
Wen, pa was paraly8ed and he and the other dea
lister and the first old man, and whel
Pas feet somehow slipped backwards ant
he turned summersault aud struck fnl
length on his back and one heel was acfoss tn
minister neck and he slid down the steps, and th
other deacon fell all over the other three. and Vi
swOte at them. and IT the worst looking lot u
pious people ever saw. tbink II the minister ha
heen In the woods somewhere where nobody COu
nave heafn MIN, lie would nave used bhl language
They all seemed mad at each other. The hired gil
told ma there three tramps out on the sidewR
Fighting pa, and she took the broom aud started
help pa, and tfel to stop cause her Constitu
uOu Is not very strong and didn't want her to d
any flying rape2e business, but couldn't stop her
, aud she went out with the broom and towel tie
around her head. Well don't know how ma d
STRIKE but when she in she said she had palpi
tatiou of the heart, but that not the place wher
size put the aruica. oh, but she dti go through til
, air like q bullet through cheese and when she Wen
! down the steps bumpiy-bump felt sorry for ma
The minister had got so he could set mp the side
walk, with his back against the lower step, whe
ma came sliding down, and one of the heels of he
CATERS hit the minister In the hair. and the Othe
/. foot went tight through between his arm an
his side. and the broom liked to pushed his teet
down his throat But lie was not mad at ma.
h soon as lie see 1t was ma he said why, sister, tb
wicked stand In slippery places, dou't they?' and m
sle was mad and said tOr him TO let her stocking
aud then pa was mad, and he said. Look a-here yo
y-piot, this thing has gone Tar enough, and the
policeman came along, and first he thought they
all drunk, but he found they were respectable. and
got a chin and scraped the soap of Of them. al
q they went home. and pa and ma they T.
. letter carrier along, but he didn
Il have any letters for and he didn't come to Il
steps, and then I went up stairs and said, ~,
don't you think II real mean after you and l fiXt
the soap the steps for the he didn
: come on the step at alI? pa srrapng the sos
of his pants with "A piece OF shingle, and the hir'
girl was putting lument on ma, and heating 1t In (
paipltatiOn Of the heart, and "a said, You da
Idut, no more OF this II maui the liv
ont of you, aud | asked him If he didn
g think soft soap would help a mustache
- grow, aud he picked up mas woik-basket and thre
g It at my head as went down stairs and came ov
lie here. Don't you think my pa Is unreasonable to
q mad at little Joke that he planned himsetP''
~ The grocery man said he didn't know. and the b
40 went out with pair of skates his shoulder,
the grocery mau Is wondering what Joke the b
70 VIII play him to get for the cayenne peppe