Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-11-22
The Engineer.

The railway engineer leads probably
the most hazardous, and in that sense
romantic, life of American civilization.
He is always q brave man-nOne other
could be an engineer. He must be a
sober, punctual, cool-headed man-none
other could hold his post. The engineer
and his adventures is the constant
source of an endless variety of thrilling
or amusing stories. 1t is even said that
among the delegates to this Buffalo Con-
vention is the cautious engineer who
side-tracked the express train one clear
evening, and waited for half an hour for
the wiId-cat-whose headlight he saw
unexpectedly bearing down on him-to
pass. He learned in good time-and
his crew never let him forget-that the
planet Venus. on the horizon at the APP
parent end of his track, wasn't a wild
cat.
Oh, yes, the boys tell many story on
the brave engineer. Only the other day
a newspaper correspondent, who evil
IDENTIFY had been punished for his fresh
ness by a joking engineer, wrote as fol-
lows:
eff the waiter is slow with his order
the engineer improves his time by put
ting an extra cock-roach in the coffee
of the party next to him, or make some
remark to himself, but loud enough
for every one to hear it: Wonder if
there is another dead mouse in the
prunes to-night;' and when the waiter
brings his order and fires it at him as
though it was shot from catapult, he
calmly gathers them in shape and asks
the waiter if he can't pass some pigs
feet without 'corns' on, or makes some
remark about the butter being strong
enough to take eighteen loads up the
hill, and says the beefsteak would make
good packing for his engine, and finally
asks for half dozen of the biscuits to
use for track torpedoes. Having an
even valve motion to his jaws, he
manages to fill his tank, and
with for quarter, as he left his pocket
book at home on the piano. While
waiting at stations he is always willing
to tell the grangers, who invariably
congregate to look at an engine, all
they ask about it. He tells them that
the big lever is to shake the CRATES, the
throttle is to open the hampers, that the
steam-gauge is the patent clock, that
the cylinders are only for ornament,
and that the conductor starts the train
by pulling the rope. Yes, he has been
in hundreds of accidents, had his en-
CINE blow up and kill everybody within
six miles, and that the boiler was liable
to burst at any moment, and when he
has got them worked up, he suddenly
gives a shrill shrek on the whistle while
the fireman turns some business which
lets out steam with rush, and yells,
She's going to bust? and as the fright
ened listeners fall over each other in
their efforts to get out of the danger, he
and the fireman fall back on their seats
and lose fifteen minutes on their run
ming time in laughing.
''There is nothing more conducive to
sociability when travelling, when you
are tired of riding and stand up to
stretch and yawn, than to have the en-
gineer put on the air-brakes full force
and fire US over three seats into the
arms of a young lady we had not
courage enough to fiirt with before. 1t
rather brakes the ice-as it Were-to an
Introduction and better acquaintance;
such negligence is excusable, but there
should be law to punish the engineer
that brings the train up to a standstin
just as the old lady from the country
opens her lunch basket and the sudden
stop fires whole custard pie down our
shirt front when we expected to get off
at the next station, where our girl is
waiting to receive US. The engineer is
often made hero of in prose and
poetry, headed-sDied at His Post. All
honor to the faithful that have, but it is
more logical to suppose that when he
has reversed his engine and put it in
the back motion and done all he could
to avert the collision, he jumps; it don't
help him any to be made hash of, even
if he does get a piece of poetry for it.
of ten the engineer that dies at his post
after reversing his engine is paralyzed
with fright and cannot jump. ''-Bl!fatO
ETOreSS