Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-06-22
FUNNY FANCIES.

''As free as water" is an old saying
which does not hold good in this city.
Ice, however, is freeze water.
The Khedive of Egypt must be the
proprietor of some paper, or else he
owns some stock in one. His income
is $735,OOO a year.
A Southern man who, during the
height of the craze, named his son
"Pinafore," hopes he'll die before the
boy gets big enough to lick him.
A Harrisburg, Pa, man is bother
ing the Pension Office in Washington
because he lost a tooth during tho
war. He should be told to hold his
jaw.
Brooklyn dismisses from its police
force an officer who gets drunk and
beats his wife. He can now get drunk
and beat his wife uninterrupted by
official duties.
The title of a new song is: "Put
Your Arm Around Me, Dear" We
haven't seen it yet. but presume it is
the invitation of a lamp-p post to q
tired" pedestrian.
The new license bill recently passed
by the Ohio State Legislature i'm
poses tax of $500 upon spiritualistic
mediums. This is unique way to
strike the happy medium.
Cucumber green ia the new shade
for ties. The man who is tied up in
knot from the cucumber he has eat
en- will have the intense satisfaction
of knowing he is in style.
There is good deal of fitness in
the selection OF Mr.. Evarts as the or
ator for New York at the opening of
the big bridge. He can suspend q
sentence in the air longer than any
other man in America.
A farmers journal recommends
"blanketing the bees in winter" A
man should be careful which end Of
the bee he grasps when he goes to put
blanket on it, or he may "blank it"
considerably more than he bargained
for.
A living tortoise is on exhibition at
Natchez which has not eaten any
thing to speak of for thirteen months,
says an exchange. That's more than
likely, for, perhaps, the food it eats
is something that nobody would care
to speak of.
The New Orleans Presbyterian
Synod has decided that marrying q
deceased wife's sister is not an infrac-
ton of the Divine Law, but it is, new
ertheless, an attempt to dodge the re-
sponsibility OF two marriages by hav-
ing but one niother-in-law.
In Hindoostan, when a husband
dies, his widow burns herself to death
on a pile of cord wood. This custom
possesses one excellent feature. A
Hindoo doesn't pay the interest on q
life insurance policy for $4,000 for
his wife's second husband to spend.
London Truth says that donkey is
infinitely better eating than beef or
mutton. There are, however, good
many persons who could not eat
donkey without exposing themselves
to the charge of cannibalism," con-
fesses the cannibal of the Chicago
| Times
The Carpenters are the latest fam
lily to discover 500, ,OOO, 900 Of proper
ty belonging to them in England.
Now, you Young fellows needn't hurry
off and marry the Carpenter girls on
the strength of that. When they get
the money you won't be on hand to
hear oft.
A young city fellow, dressed in a
faultless suit and pair of shoes which
tapered to a point in the modern style,
was visiting in rural district. A
bright little boy looked him all over
until his eyes rested on these shoes.
He looked at his own feet and then
at his visitors, and then looking up,
said: mister, is all your toes tutted
off but one?"