The Dawson journal., 1883-09-06
A THOUSAND DOLLARS.
The Bad Boys Ideas Regarding
The Wisdom of Solomon.

-, ~ W. ohO oIOCOIJ hu1l.
"What you need is rest. You are
J overworked. Your alleged brair
IS equal to wilted lettuce, and il
can devise ways and means to hide
rotten peaches under good ones
SO as to sell them to blind orphans
but when it comes to graspine
great questions your small brain
cannot comprehend them. Your
brain may go up sideways to a
great question, and rub against it,
but ltcannot surround it and grasp
it. That's where you are deform-
ed. Now, it is different with me.
| can raise brain to sell to you
grocery men. Listenl This Solo
mon is credited with being the
wisest man, and yet history says
he had a thousand wives. Just
think of it! You have got one
wife and pa has got one, and all
the neighbors have one, if they
have had any kind of luck. Does
not one wife make you pay atten-
ton? Wouldn't two wives break
you up? Wouldn't three cause
you to see stars? How would ten
strike you? Why, man alive, you
do not grasp the magnitude Of the
statement that Solomon had a
thousand wives. A thousand
wives, standing side by side, would
reach about four blocks. March
ing by fours it would take them
twenty minutes to pass a given
point. The largest summer resort
hotels only holds five hundred
people, so Sol would have to hire
two hotels If he took his wives out
for day in the country. If you
would stop and think once in a
while you would know more"
The grocery mans eyes began
to stick out as the bad boy contin-
ued, as though the statistics had
never been brought to his atten-
tion before, but he was bound to
stand by his old friend Solomon,
and he said: "Well, Solomon's
wives must have been different
from our wives Of the present
day."
"Not much," said the bad boy,
as he saw that he was paralyzing
the grocery man. "Women have
been about the same ever since
Eve. She got mashed on the or
iginal dude, and it stands to rea-
son that Solomon's wives were no
better than the mother of the hu-
man race. Statistics show that
one woman, out of every ten is red
headed. That would give Solo
mon an even hundred red-headed
wives. Just that hundred red
headed wives would be enough to
make an ordinary man think there
was land fairer than this. Then
there would be, out of the other
nine hundred, about three hund-
red blondes, and the other six
hundred would be brunettes, and
may be he had a few albinos and
bearded women and fat women
and dwarfs. Now, thousand wo-
men had appetites, desires for
dress and style, the same as other
women. Imagine Solomon saying
to them, "Girls, let's all go down
to the ice cream saloon and have a
dish of ice cream" Can you,
with your brain muddled with
Goldfish and new potatoes, realize
the scene that would follow? Sup
pose, after Solomon's broom
brigade had got seated in the ice
creamery, one Of the red-headed
wives should catch Solomon wink
ing at a strange girl at another
table.
"You may think Solomon did
not know enough to wink, or that
he was not that kind of a firt, but
he must have been or he could
never have succeeded i'll marrying
thousand wives in a sparsely
settled country No, sir, it looks
to me as though Solomon in his
glory, was an old masher, and
from what [ have seen Of men be-
ing bossed around with one wife,
l don't envy Solomon his thou
sand. Why, just imagine that
gang of wives going and ordering
fall bonnets. Solomon would
have to be a king, or a Vanderbilt
to stand it.. Ma wears SIS silk
stockings, and pa kicks awfully
when the bill comes in. Imagine
Solomon putting up for a few
thousand pair Of silk stockings. |
am glad you will sit down and
reason with me in a rational way
about some Of these Bible stories
that take my breath away. The
minister stand me off when | try
to talk with him abJutauch things
and tell me to study the parable
of the Prodigal Son, and the dea-
cons tells me to 90 and soak my
head. There is darn little EN-,
couragement for a boy to try and
figure out things. How woult
you like to have a thousand red
headed wives coming into the
store this minute and tell you they
wanted you to send carriage,
around to the house at 3 o'clock
so they could 60 for a drive? o.
how would you like to have q hir
ed girl come rushing in and tel