New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-01-31
WIT And HUHoR

Here hee the body Of Susan Lowdsr,
Wnc punt while drinking seidlits powder
called from this world TO her heavenly rest
a veliknown j,ldee came late TO court
last week, although In busy session;
Whereat his clerk. In great surprise, inQulr-
Cd Of him the reason. ~
"A snia va born" he Honor said, land
IAN infant lldssr' .oh, no." said he, '.as
think that Love 80 IKE play.
Mhere tears and smiles are blended;
VI IKE faithlese April Gay,
Where shine With shower 10 ended;
Like Coinbrook pavement, rather rough,
And IKE . HIGHLAND pisid-ali stun,
And very fond ofcrosaes.
Tho martyrs who burned at the stake
had stout hearts that never quailed on
toast.
It Is said that kissing cures freckles;
but every red-hea.led girl in the country
knows better.
There Is said to be : fire company in
New York SO heightened that they use
none but embroidered hose.
why is 4 young man like kernel
Of corn7' asked . young lady. ..Be-
cause said another, che turns white
when he pops"
The crippled beggar receives no sym.
pathy from Mr.. j., who always replies
to an appeal-''A lame excuse, sir;
lame excuse
Bright child-'.I know what they call
'em, mamma, when there's three twins -
Mamma-''What, Katy7" B. c. Glib
lets.''
Utah has marble enough to supply
every person In America with tomb.
stone and cheerfully observes that all
she wants Is market for it.
When an obituary notice ends, mo
further seek his frailties to disclose" II
means. whisky killed him. - Texas
S!f1ings.
Since IN intelligent jury indicted
man who shot his wife BY mistake for
stray cat, great many Connecticut
husbands have lost I'll confidence in the
jury system.
A Western editor says plain calico ID
the prettiest dress q woman can put on.
He's probably right. but wen bet he is
afraid to back up his assertion by put
ting on calico pants
YES" said DR.. Pillington. innocent.
"; II shall retire from the profession
nov, I have got enough. and am willing
to give somebody else chance. MY
motto Is, Live and let live"
In regard to dogs age: ..How old i.
that dogp was asked ! oolored man.
If he lives ter SEQ the 9th OBJ naixt
June, sab, he will be de oldest dog on
de plantation. '.And II he don't live
until then-p' He'll be dead, sab"
The German papers report the case o,
woman who had the muscle Of dog
successfully grated on her foot. When.
ever she sees cat she chases it to the
top Of fence and stands below and
banks.
'.Oh, Henry! had such delightful
dream. dreamt had such love ot
q bonnet sent me- ibid you, m,
dearp Isn't It singular that I had 5
nightmare and dreamed had to pay
the bill1"
Shakespeare may have been great
writer, but he was not consistent. Pol
onius IL made to say to Laertes. Neither
. borrower or lender be-" and yet Mnrt
Antony asks the Roman populace t.
''lend him their ears
Prof. Brewer says .'the trottinq hors.
IL modern and American invention"
Thank heaven there Is one thing that
wasn't invented by the Chinese 23,OW
years agol Later returns, however, may
rob US Of this honor.
They are Dragging Of . Pennsylvania
man who stole 5000 bushels of coal be.
fore he was discovered. That's moth
ing. A Michigan man stole 5000 saw.
logs and had his brother sent to prison
% the thief.
Old Mrs. b. came to town last week
from Indiana on an excursion and wheL
she was asked why she was in ouch
hurry to leave. she replied: I've got to
you see as how I came in on an exer.
ton train. and my ticket perspires to
night"
When q man Is elected ter Office his
frien's come aroun' an says: "ps glad
dat yor's beat yer opponent, but amt
surprised" But ef he Is beat, his
frien's 20 TO some man on do udder
side an say: II tole him not ter run, no
how"
Horace Walpole. speaking about some
people Of fashion who had hired Drury
Lane theater for the purpose Of an am
ateur performance. remarked: They
really acted 80 we'll that It is extraordi-
nary they should not have had sense
enough not to act at all. -
. 3 Z -. . f