davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
THE BOSS LIAR.
How Eli Perkins Uused Up the Light
ming at New London, Conn.

Mark Twain, Nasty and Eli Perkins, the
story goes, once got together to see which
could tell the biggest lie. Eli came last and
beat them all. He broke in after this
fashion:
Gentlemen, it does me good to hear such
truths. believe every word you say, and
feel that l ought to exchange truths with
you. Now, did you ever hear how | went
to prayer meeting at New London, Conn,
in a rain storm 2"
They said they had not"
well, gentlemen" said Eli, lone day l
started for the New London prayer meet
ing on horseback. When got about half
way there there, came up fearful storm.
The wind blew hurricane, the rain fell in
torrents, the lightning cleaned through
the sky, and / went and crouched down be-
hind a large barn. But pretty soon the
lightning struck the barn, knocking it into
1000 splinters, and sent my horse whirl-
ing over into neighboring cornpatch."
Did it kill you, Mr.. Perkins," asked
Mr.. Twain, the tears rolling down his
cheeks.
mo, it didn't kill me-" Eli said, but |
was a good deal discouraged
We'll, what did you do, Mr.. Perkins %
What did l do? Well, gentleman, to
tell the honest Connecticut truth, l went
right out into the pasture. took off my coat,
bumped up my bare back, and too II
clips of lightning right on my bare back
bone, drew the electricity all out of the
sky, and then got on my horse and rode
into New London in time to lead at the
evening prayer meeting
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
A Miners Wonderful Strike.

A miner in the hills near Socorro, n. NJ.
made lucky strike in wonderful man
ner, lately, says the Las Vegas Gazette.
Two weeks ago, while tramping over the
rocks, the prospector suddenly discovered
that his haversack was on fire, caught,
probably, from the condensation of the suns
rays by prospector's glass which he car
ried in his kit Now, that haversack con-
tanned about six pounds of bl;.sting powder,
and our hero dropped the bundle and got
out of reach as fast as his legs would carry
him. The bundle of caps fell into crevice
in the rocks, and the powder soon exploded.
The prospector returned mournfully to
gather up such of his effects as were unin-
iured by the explosion, when something in
the appearance of the shattered rock struck
his eye and he examined it closely-it was
horn silver. The now iubilant miner
located claim at once, which he called
"Close Shave" and in less than week dis
posed of One-third of his interest at $13 OOO
The name of the honest son of the pick
and shovel" is John Quincy Adams, and he
halls from Western Ohio. John is well
known in Sonora county, and receives the
congratulations of his friends in modest
manner. John Adams "close shave is
byword now in the mining camps.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
How TO Handle Kerosene.
THE COntinent.l

COnllnentl
Kerosene becomes more deadly every
year as the hours of evening lamp-llght
lengthen and the frequent lighting OF fires
becomes daily duty. The fact that these
accidents are utterly unnecessary renders
them the more lamentable In the hope of
preventing some of these accidents, we state
a few facts which everybody ought to
know:
/. 1t is not the kerosene that explodes,
but an invisible gas that rises from it.
2. If oil is poured into lamp that needs
1illing. this gas rises out of the lamp or the
can, or both, and explodes, often with
deadly force, if there be any fire within
reach.
g. Pouring Oil from can upon burning
fire or into lighted lamp ought to be fol-
lowed by terrible explosion. Sometimes
it happens that no explosion occurs, but
the risk is frighful.
A. The only safe rule is never to pour oil
on burning fire or into lighted lamp.
Now, you may give Bridget the most
positive orders with regard to the fires, but
when no one is at hand in the early morn
ing hours the temptation is strong to alslst
the smouldering blaze by the aid of little
kerosene. She has done it without injury
formerly, why not again? So the nose of
the can is tilted over the range or CRATE,
there is flash, scream; and poor Bridget
will never have another chance to disobey
orders Perhaps it would be better, if
Bridget must be allowed access to the can
at all-the suggestion is timidly made-to
show her how she may aid the fire with
comparative safety. All she has to do is to
pour spoonful or two of the oil into cup
or something of the kind, and, setting the
can down at safe distance, pour the oil
from the cup upon the fire. 1t is not likely
that she will suffer much injury from the
comparatively mild explosion that may
fn1lOxy
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
DEALING WITH BUNCO MEN.
The Failure of Confidence Sharps to
Entrap EIrginian.
New York Correspondence |

New York Correspondence
Gen. V. d. GrOner, of Norfolk, Virginia,
stopping in this city few days, was ap-
preached by bunco men on Broadway, but
they failed to victimize him. The General
thus relates the story
81 had been to the Office of one of my ac-
quaintances, and after transacting some
business started up town to my hotel. l
had walked but a few yards when l was
tapped lightly on the shoulder, and look
ing around l saw an old and respectable
looking man who extended his hand and
said Excuse me, sir, but think | know
YOU You are, believe, the third en-
gineer of the Pennsylvania railroad? l
looked at the old person moment In sur
prise, and politely informed him that he
was mistaken. It's curious he said. You
bear such close resemblance to the gen.
tlemen l refer to that / would swear you
are none other It's rarely make such a
mistake So saying, he again asked my
pardon and turned away. Then, as if he
had forgotten something, he stopped, and
walking up to me, he added: Since you
look so much like my friend, will you be
kind enough to tell me your name? l am
the engineer of the Brooklyn bridge
II thought by this time that the stran-
ger was not exactly square, and to get rid
of him l told him that my name was
Tompkins and that | owned a tobacco
warehouse in Richmond He then disap-
appeared. AS walked along | thought OF
the bunko game and involuntari.
ly awaited the pal of the old man.
AS he did not make his appearance after
had walked several blocks, thought after
all that had misjudged the old man, and
the affair passed out of my mind. A few
minutes later l was stopped by little
Irishman, who, grasping my hand, said ::
Why, Tompkins, old boy, how do you do :?
What brings you here, and how are things
working in the factory? You know used
to work for YOU l told him l was enjoy
ing unusually good health, considering the
changeable condition of the weather, and
that things were booming in the warehouse
at Richmond.
This seemed to please him greatly, and
then he wanted me to 60 into little office
and do him the favor Of identifying him,
as he had struck luck in lottery. Before
we CO. said l, let us take a drink Ger
tainly, Mr.. Tompkins, certainly, with the
greatest of pleasure he replied, his mouth
watering at the prospect of free whisky.
We entered a saloon. Before we drank,
however, said: BE kind enough to put
both your hands on my hips behind.
There You will feel two of the prettiest
little derringers that ever a man carried,
and remember, too, that ! am dead shot
The fellow" continued the General gave
one look at me and one at the bar, and
then shot out of the door like a flash. /
don't take any bunko in mine"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
How to Float.
ALBANY Journal

The human body weighs pound in the
water and chair will carry two grown per-
sons, that is, it will keep the head above
water, which is all that is necessary when
it is question of life or death. One fin
ger placed upon a stool or chair, small
box, or a piece of board will easily keep
the head above water, while the two feet
and the other hand may be used as paddles
to propel toward the shore. 1t is not at all
necessary to know how to swim to be able
to keep from drowning in this way.
little experience of the buoyant power of
water, and faith in it, is all that is required.
We have seen a small boy who could not
swim stroke, propel himself back and
forth across deep, wide pond, by means
of board that would not sustain five
pounds weight. Children and all others
should have practice in the sustaining
powers of water. In nine eases out of ten,
the knowledge that to be able to sustain a
pound weight is all that is necessary to
keep ones head above water, will serve
better in emergencies than the greatest ex-
perience as a swimmer. A person unfa-
miliar with the buoyant power of water
will naturally try to climb on top of the
floating object on which he tries to save
himself If is large enough, that is all
right. But it is generally not large enough;
and half of the struggling group is often
drowned in the desperate scramble of a life
and-death struggle to climb on top of
piece of wreck, or other floating object, not
large enough to keep them all entirely
above water.
This often happens when pleasure boats
capsize. All Immediately want to get out
of the water on top of the overturned or
half-filled boat. all are drowned, except
those the wrecked craft will wholly bear
up. If they would simply trust the water
to isustain ninety-nine hundredths of the
weight of their bodies, and the disabled
boat the other hundredth, they might all
be saved under most circumstances. An
overturned or water-filled wooden boat will
sustain more people in this way than it will
carry. 1t would keep the head above
water of as many people as could get their
hands on the gunwale. These are simple
facts, easily learned, and may some day
save your life.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
No. Z.
Reception Costumes for Terriers and
Carriage Dresses for PugS.
New York Journal.

New York Journal
do you know said Il little girl to q
Journal reporter, that l have eight COS
tunes for my little terrier Phinnie, and he
looks real pretty in all Of them?'
why, what in the world do you want
with SO many, and what do you mean by
costumes for IL dog" asked the astOnished
reporter.
Every girl that has a dog has costumes
for them" said the little girl, in an injured
tone, land costumes mean dress. l thought
you were big enough to know that"
Oh" said the reporter, won't you des-
cribe the costumes to me?'
Certainly. said the little girl. His
best one, for Sunday afternoon walks, is
made of navy-blue broadcloth, lined with
scarlet satin, with straps of alligator skins
and bows OF crimson Ottoman ribbon-you
know he wears bow on his tail and col
larette bangle of silver with new five cent
piece charms. On some of them are his
name, on others prayer or hymn. Then
if it is nice and clean out I tie bows of
scarlet ribbon on his front paws, but he
isn't exactly trained good and he bites
them. Well, then he has his reception
costume that he wears on mammals recep-
ing room and help to receive the guests.
That is perfectly lovely, it is made out of
piece of my sisters wedding dress, cream
while satin, and is lined with pale blue
silk. The edges are embroidered in silver
and in the centre is my monogram in silver
also. | had a train made on it first, but
Phinnie would make himself dizzy turn
ing round and round to catch it, 20 had
it removed AS ornaments he wears gold
chain with clasp and pale blue ribbons on
his front paws
He must look lovelyr' said thereporter
Does he catch rats"
How could you be SO cruel as to men
tiOn such think p said the little girl
"YOu must have the handsomest dressed
dog in the city ?" said the reporter.
No, havn't," said she, reluctantly.
There's young lady across the way who
has seal-skin wrap for her spaniel, and /
know another one that has diamond
collar"
"Oh, forgot to ask-does your dog paint
and powder 2" said the .ournalier.
well, never!' said the little girl, in
accents of astOnishment
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
A Soldiers

During a portion OF the summer and
autumn of 1S7-, the writer was in camp
at point on the south line of Kansas
with small command consisting of de-
tachment of the - Infantry and -
Cavalry Among the ''nO-coms.' was Ser
geant Nc, an old soldier noted for all
that goes to make up the model soldier.
While at breakfast one morning he ap-
peared at the door, and, saluting, was
asked what he wanted. when the following
colloquy ensued:
II wish permission to be away from
camp twenty -four hours, SIR
"All right, you can 60"
Il would like permission for Corporal
W also, sir"
Corporal W only joined last night
its rather soon for him to apply for a
pass unless for a very special reason.
He should come and explain that for him
self"
"Wid the Captains permission, ! can
Captain knows, are ould soldiers, and
many years, an bein as we hadn't seen
each other for several months we made up
our moinds that we'd loike bit of a
sphree together, an thought it wouldn't be
conjucive to the discipline of the COM
mand for non-commissioned officers to be
seen drunk, an so we would loike to 90 off
an have it all to ourselves, loike."
Turning my back that he might not see
the laugh that could not be entirely smoth-
cred, the necessary permission was granted.
That afternoon, seaching for man whom
it was thought was arranging to desert, I
found the pair in the back room of a
saloon very "owly," but the next morning
they were both in camp ready for duty,
and l do not think either one has been
drunk since. ! had then known the Ser
geant five years, and up to that time lad
not known of his using liquor.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
Bustle Etiquette.
Bismarck Tribune.

The aesthetic East has its etiquette of
the fan" etiquette of the handkerchief
and various other etiquettes too numerous
to mention, but in this line the St. Paul
girl is entitled to the prize banner. The
gushing girls of that sanity city have
adopted the etiquette of the bustle,' and
is thus described
Wearing very small bustle-there's no
cranky style about this bundle of blooming
beauty.
Wearing the hustle lop-sided-my heart
is all out of place.
Wearing the hustle pretty we'll up in the
southern suburbs of the back-Im high
toned darling an don't you forget it!
Wearing the hustle low down in the
northern suburbs That is, low down
my spirits are dropping.
Clasping the hustle in both hands and
wearing a sad expression-my heart is
breaking.
Wagging the hustle as spike-tail dog
wags the locality where his tail once re-
sided-I fear you are f1irt.
Looking around at the hustle with a
fond expression-how do you like my
style?
Bobbing the hustle up and down vigor-
ously-I hate you.
There are number more Of these sig
nails but when the young lady had given
this much of the code with illustrations
the reporter was blushing so all-fredly
that he couldn't understand another word
she said.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
AN ENOCH ARDEN ROMANCE.
A Husband Long MOurned as Dead
Returns to Find his Wife
Widow.

FOrty-twO years ago William Anderson
lived on q farm near GAINESVILLE, Belmont
county, Ohio. In 1S42 he was married to
Miss Mary English. They lived happily
together for twelve years, and in that time
eight children were born to them. In 1853
Anderson took the California gold fever,
then raging in the States, and started on
an overland journey to make his fortune,
leaving his wife and children behind. At
first he communicated with his wife, and
sent her money, but as the years passed by
letters ceased to come, and he was mourned
as dead. During all these years the wife
worked hard to support the helpless chill
dren. They grew to maturity-fve
daughters and three sons-and they all
won respectable positions in society.
Believing her husband dead, Mrs. Ander-
son consented to marry Jesse Fowler,
whose death was announced few weeks
ago. Before the second marriage, which
occurred about eighteen months ago, she
was wise enough to obtain divorce from
her first husband One of her sons, George
Anderson even when child, believed that
his father was not dead, and often said that
when he became a man he would 90 and
search for him. Eeight hears ago he went
to Idaho to better his fortunes, but also
went with the hope of meeting his father.
His faith was not misplaced, for in March
last he found his father, and they have
been living together ever since.
A few days ago the father and son re-
turned to Ohio. Mr.. Anderson visits his
children near the home of his wife, who is
now in mourning for her second husband,
but he has not entered her house, although
he has conversed with her in the presence
of mutual friends. He is described as a
fine looking man.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
The Origin of Billiards.
IAmerican Sports.

The game of billiards was invented about
the middle of the sixteen century by a
London pawnbroker named William Kew
In wet weather this pawnbroker was in the
habit of taking down the three balls and
with the yard stick pushing them, billiard
fashion, from the counter into the stalls :;
in time the idea of board with side pock-
cts suggested itself. A black letter manu-
script says: Master William Kew did
make one board whereby a game is played
with three balls, and all the young men
were greatly recreated thereat, chiefly the
young clergymen from st. Pawles; hence
one of We strokes was called cannon
having been by one of ye said clergymen
invented. The game is now known by the
name of "billyard," because William or Bill
Kew did first play with yard measure.
The stick is now called kew or kue."
1t is easy to comprehend how "bill-yard"
has been modernized into billiard" and
the transformation of skew" or 'kue" into
"cue" is equally apparent.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
NUTTIN(. TINE.

ST. Nicholas for November.
The month was October, the frosts had come
down,
The woodlands were scarlet and yellow and
brown; ,
The harvests were gathered, the nights had
grown chill,
But warm was the day on the south Of the hill.
Twas there with our bags and our baskets we
went,
And searching the dry leaves we busily bent
The chestnuts were big and the beechnuts were
small,
But both sorts are welcome to boys in the Fall.
And when. in the ashes, beneath the bright
flame,
On ewes of November, with laughter and game,
The sweetmeats are roasted, we recollect suii
How fine WAS the day on the south Of the hill.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
Women Lawyers in Italy.
London Herald. ]

London Herald.
Italy is getting as much ahead OF us as
America. La Signora Lydia Poet has Just
been admitted to practice at the bar OF
Turin, and appeared for the first time IN
her barristers' gown to plead the cause OF a
young painteI whose pictures had been un-
Justly detained by his landlord, and much
injured by the damp of the garret to which
they had been consigned. The lady bar
rister obtained a great success for her
humorous description of the subject of the
pictures, and, amid much applause, OBJ
tanned verdict with goodly damages for
her client, She was escorted home, still
enveloped in her lawyers robes by large
concourse of people, who gave her sere-
made in the evening, in which the tenor
voice Of the young painter was conspicuous
for its deep expression.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
Salt for Dyspepsia.

Half teaspoonful of common table salt,
dissolved in little cold water, and drank,
will instantly relieve heartburn and dys-
pepsia. If taken every morning, before
breakfast, increasing the quantity gradu-
ally to a teaspoonful to glass of water, it
will in few days cure any ordinary case of
dyspepsia, if at the same time due atten-
tion is paid to the diet. There is no better
remedy than the above for constipation, no
better gargle for sore throat. 1t is equal to
chlorate of potash, and is entirely safe. 1t
may be used as often as desired, and if
little is swallowed each time it will have a
beneficial effect ON the throat by cleansing
it and allaying..t the irritation. In doses of
one to four teaspoonsful in half pint to
pint of tepid water, it acts promptly as an
emetic, and in case of poisoning is always
at hand. 1t is an excellent remedy for
bites and stings of insects. 1t is valua-
bic astringent for hemorrhages, particu-
larly for bleeding after the extraction of
tooth. 1t has both cleansing and healing
properties and is, therefore, most excel
lent application for superficial liberation"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
The Reason Why.
INorristown Herald.l

sWhy do SO many boys run away from
homer" asks an exchange. There are
several reasons. When boy turns grind
stone for his father, to sharpen an ak, and
the old man bears on so hard that the
sparks fly from the stone, and the boys
eyes and tongue hang out in the 1O7 ,4s6th
round, and, after an hours turning, his
arms feel as if they are coming out by the
roots, and his father looks up and asks, as
he throws on little more weight, Does
t--turn-hard?"-th the boy decides to
run away from home and become pirate
or cowboy, or some other kind of OUTLAW
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29

The Household I


Miss Muloch tells us that it takes a
heroine to be economical, for will not
many woman rather run in debt for a
bonnet than wear her old one year be-
hind the mode ?-give ball, and stint the
family dinner month after take large
house and furnish handsome reception
rooms, while her household huddle to-
gether anyhow? She prefers this hum
dred times to stating plainly, by word or
manner, MY income is so much year-I
don't care who knows tit will not allow
me to live beyond a certain rate, it will not
keep comfortably both my family and my
uaintances-therefore, excuse my pre-
ferring the comfort of my family to the
entertainment of my acquaintance. And
society, if you choose to look in upon us,
you must just take us as we are, without
any pretenses of any kind; or you may
shut the door and say good-by!"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
Mary Anderson and the Prince.
| London Judy, |

London Judy.
she came; she trod our English land;
A masterpiece from Phidias' hand
Antique ana classical and grand
Looked Mary.
And mashers flew the maid to greet,
Leaving the playhouse DER the street,
And Nelly of the twinkling feet
For Mary.
In vain for one sweet smile they sued,
She thought their con duct very rude;
You see that something of prude
Is Mary.
Though titlc,i splendor bade her come
And share the festive ''kettledrum,"
Nothing could tempt the maid the roam
Unless a Bishop was lat home"
To Mary.
said B*atisns Heir, She'll not refuse
If ] should seek to introduce
Myself TO this dramatic Muse
Miss Mary
But little noble Asb*&t rocked
The naughty damsers self-respect
Il keep my circle most select"
Says Mary.
So with calm impaSsive eye
She gave his H#ghn*ss the go by.
Who wants TO know you, Sir? Not J!
Said Mary.
Across the Atlantic wave to-day
Colunhia's children proudly say,
Guess naow who snubbed a coming X?
WV Mary -
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1883-11-29
Love Making.

Courtship is usually an amorous battle.
In the set-to most gallants desire to learn
all that is possible of their sweet-hearts,
and vice versa. Age especially piques the
curiosity of men. What matters it if
woman-maid or widow-be twenty or
thirty, if she be lovely and lovable? In
deed, it should not matter if widow had
trio OF sons, SO they are well out of the
way. A man does not marry for love who
permits division of time, which was mere
ly invented for mundane convenience, to
stand in the way of his espousal. No man
should enquire the age of an adult female.
That is her harmless secret. Will she
make good wife and mother? These are
the aureoles of woman.