The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-03-09
VARIETIES.

Fat Boy? NO. you cannot raise chick
ems from egg plants. You might as well try
to raise calves from cowcatchers."
AT a town meeting large taxpayer rose
up to protest against building new school
house in certain part ofthe town. whats
the good of it p asked he. "They are an ig-
norant set down there, anyway"
"A young man in a train was making fun
ola lady's hat to an elderly gentleman in the
scat with him: Yes said his seat mate,
"that's my wife, and told her if she wore
that bonnet that some fool would make fun
of it,"
Two things, well considered, will prevent
many quarrels; first to have it well ascertain
ed whether are not disputing about terms
rather than things; and secondly to examine
whether that on which we differ is worth
contending about.
An old preacher, who had several calls
to take parish. asked his servent where he
should go, and the servant said "Go where
there is the most sin" The preacher con,
cluded that was good advice and went where
there was the most money.
Paris: "Notling is so exasperating," OBJ
serves Calino the French Mrs. Partington,
"as to hold lottery.ticket and find that the
next number has drawn a prize. But I've
taken my precautions to prevent that al
WAYS buy the two adjoining numbers as
we'll"
- How had you the audacity, john" said
Scottish laird to his servants, ''to 90 and tell
some people that was mean fellow and no
gentleman ~ Ma, M, sir" was the candid
answer, you'll no catch me at the like o that,
! have kept my thoughts to myself"
An old traveller tells pretty tough
story about being lost in the woods with Ills
dog, where he could find nothing to eat, and
had to cut off the dogs tail, which he boiled
for himself and afterwards gave the dog the
bone. We would rather borrow hundred
dollars than believe that story.
-Ruskin observes that rs a rule women
have no eye for color This explains why a
woman is obliged TO spend ee,quarters of
Il day in getting the exact shade of ribbon to
trim dress, while when it comes to mendng
her husbands pantaloons she seems to think
that yellow patch is just the thing to match
black broadcloth
--"Only one mother" II al Jimmy Tutfboy,
as he glanced ~ the headline in a ncwspa.
per. 1should think that was enough Golly,
how fellow would catch it if he had two
mothers. Two lickngs where get one now,
both ears pulled ut the same time go without
my supper twice in one day sent on two err
rands in two different directions at the same
time. We'll | can't be too thankful dad amt
Mormon"
-"How can | leave you, tlarling?" muir
INJURED II Toledo lover in tones of distressing
tenderness, ms he observed both hands of the
clock approach II perpendicular on the dial
well John" responded the girl with wicked
innocence, 'you can take your choice; ifyou
go through the hall you'llbe liable to wake up
father and if you leave by the way of the
back shed you'll be liable to wake up the
dog"
There is an anecdote told of Joachim
Raft, whose death has recently left a blank in
the musical world When Meyerbeer died
Raft was living in Paris. and wrote the tuner
al march, which was played at Plassey, before
Rossini. "W,ll." asked Raft, "what do you
think of ity' "Mon cher" replied the caustic
maestro, II think that it would have been
better if il had been your funeral and Meyer.
beers composition"