Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1883-04-07

two or three occasions when he pulled
out the pack Of cards with his handker-
chief, and played the music box, and
they had a pretty hot time in the back
parlor and finally they settled it, and
we're going to sing u hymn, when pa
handed them a little hymn book, and
the minister opened it and turned pale
and said, what's this and they looked
ut it, and it was q book of Hoyle's games
instead Of a hymn book. Gosh, wasn't
the minister mad? He had started 10
read a hymn and he quit after he read
two lines where it said, " a game Of four
handed euchre. never trump your part
ner's ace, but rely on the ace TO take the
trick on suit" Ia was trying to explain
how the book come to be there, when
the minister and the deacons started
out, and then / poured the two-quart tin
pail full Of soft SOAP on the front step,
1t was this white soap, just the color Of
the step, and when l got it spread l
went down in the basement. The visit
ors came out, and pa was trying to ex-
plain to them about Hoyle, when one of
the deacons stepped in the soap, and his
feet flew up and he struck on his pants
and slid down the steps. The minister
said, Great heavens. deacon, are you
hurt? Let me assist you And he took
tao quick steps, and you have seen
these fellows in a niger show that kick
each other head over heels and fall on
their ears, and stand on their head and
turn round like 4 top. The ministers
feet slipped, and the next / saw he was
standing on his head in his hat. and his
legs were sort Of wilted and fell limp by
his side, and he fell over on his stom-
ach. You talk about spreading the
gospel in heather lands. 1t is nothing
to the way you can spread it with two
quartz of soft soap. The minister didn't
look pious a bit when he was trying to
catch the railing. He looked as though
he wanted to murder every man on
earth, but il may be he was tired. Well,
pa was paralvzed, and he and the other
deacon rushed out to pick up the minis.
ter and the first old man, and when they
struck the step they went kiting. Pas
feet somehow slipped backward, and he
turned Il summersault and struck full
length on his pack, and one heel was
across the minister's neck and he slid
down the steps, and the other deacon
fell all over the other three, and pa
swore at them, and it was the worst
looking lot Of pious people | ever saw
| think if the minister had been i'm the
woods somewhere, where nobody could
have heard him, he would have used
language. They all seemed mad at each
other. The hired girl told ma there was
three tramps out on the sidewalk fight
ing pa, and ma she took the broom and
started to help pa, and l tried to stop
ma, cause her constitution is not very
strong and / didn't want her To DO any
flying trapeze bizness, but | couldn't
stop her, and she went out with a broom
and a towel tied around her head. Well,
] don't know where ma did strike. but
when she came in and said she had pal.
nitat!cn OF the heart, but that was not
the place where she put the arnica. OH!
but she did 60 through the air like a
bullet through cheese, and when she
went down stairs a hnmpity-bump, l fell,
sorry for ma. The minister had got SO
he could sit up on the sidewalk, with
his back against the lower step. when
ma came Gliding down, and one Of the
heels of her CATERS hit the minister in
the hair, and the other foot went right
through between his arm and his side.
and the broom liked to push his teeth
down his throat. But lie was not mad
at ma. As soon As he see it was ma he
said, "Why, sister. the wicked stand in
slippery places, don't they and ma she
was mad, and said for him to let 90 her
stocking, and then pa was mad, and he
safe, look a.here. you sky-pilot, this
thing has gone far enough and then u
policeman came along and first he
thought they were all drunk, but he
found they were respectable, and he got
a chip and scrdped the soap off them,
and they went home. and pa and ma
they got in the house some way, and lust
then the letter carrier came along, but
he didn't have any letters for us, and he
didn't come onto the steps, and then |
went up stairs and | said, Pa, don't you
think it is real mean, after you and |
fixed the soap on the steps for the letter
carrier, he didn't come on the steps at
all. and pa was scraping the soap off his
pants with a piece OF shingle. and the
hired girl was putting linement on ma.
and heating il in for palpitation of the
heart, and pa said: You cussed idiut.
no more of this, or I'll maui the liver
out Of YOU and | asked him if he didn't
think soft $ APP would help a moustache
to grow, and he picked up mas work
basket and threw it at my head. as |
went down stairs, and | came over here.