National Republican., 1883-11-15

John a. joyce.
"YEs," said the bad boy to his father, II
know am IA chip off the old bock-head"
"WHY is it that lightning mover strikes
twice in the same placer" asked the boy Of his
parent. because it never needs to-" was the
gruf reply.
THE average of the corn crop is below that
of last season, but the corned beef harvest "a
greater than ever much to the consolation of the
boarding house keeper.
'PM related to royalty" said the last VIC
tim of the Delaware whipping post as he pointed
to the marks on his back. "Dont you recognize
the prints OF walesT'- -Pitsbrg Telegraph.
THE proprietor of London funny paper
has been sued for libel. At this distance 1t ap
pears that he published joke and forgot to attach
a diagram TO It, People who print puns cannot bo
too careful how they explain them
A BosToN girl was caught giggling. This
Is very rare species. She was Immediately
placed under glass case. Most Boston girl
never giggle; they merely express their delight by
| dreamy far away, Antarctic smile.
A WHITE wretch in Virginia has been sem
fenced to only seventeen years in the penitentary
| for killing respectable colored man who aroused
his wrath by simply presenting bill. Hanging
appears to DO "played out in Virginia, unless tho
| murderer is n negro
DIR. LADELL has discovered that prussic
acid is an antidoto to poisoning with strychnine.
Medical mon must be cautious In using it, how
ever as the prussic acid to be of any use must be
| given in doses which would be fatal under any
| other circumstances
ION, will no bite ?" exclaimed one of WASH
ington's sweetest girls with look of alarm, when
she saw one of the dancing bears the street the
other day. mo-" said her escort, che cannot bite
-he is muzzled but he can hug" "oh," she
said, with distracting smile, II don't mind that"
THE new time standard will enable the
young man 10 stay little later than usual next
Sunday night at the home of his sweetheart. This
is indeed an advantage not to be spoken of lightly
| There are times in a mans life when four minutes
| and fifty eight seconds would be worth as many
years.
IT is announced that George G. Min
played Hamlet at Emporla, Kas., to "the largest
and most fashionable audience of the season."
| 1t did not seem to detract from the merit of the
performance when "at the close Of the second
act there were voclferous calls for the author Of
| the piece"
GEN. Dr. CEsNoLA seems to have been as
successful in the matter of the two Cyprus
sphinxes as the Yankee medicine peddler was .
with his liniment. He said he applied some of it
to the stump of his dogs tail and new tail grew
out, and an application to the amputated tail was
equally successful in producing new dog.
"MY observation" says an old bachelor,
''lcads me to the certain knowledge that up TO
% years Of age woman looks for her
prospective husband with an expression of fear
and tenderness and from then until 30 with
an expectant and anxious look but after that
relentless, cruel determination haunts her eyes
that bodies hardship and revenge upon him
should the truant at last be found"
OP1E, the painter, used to tell the story of
| n half drunken miner in Cornwall, who return
ing home came to the verge of a dreadful preci-
pice and suddenly fell, but clutching the edge
with his hands hung there in an agony of the
most horrible fear alternately shouting and pray
ing. At last he was so exhausted that he loosened
his hold, and with shrek of despair tell-about
q yard. The mans sensation must have been a
very strange one.
GEN. SHERMAN was not christened until
after he was IS years of age The clergyman OBJ
jected at the ceremony to chrsten him william
Tecumseh. on the ground that the second name
was heathen one. The future general of the
army then said that the name which his father
had given him was good enough for him, and If
the minister didn't care to go on with the cere-
mony he would try to struggle along through life
unohrlstened The clergyman reented.
Mr.. IRvINa-"You seem to find that
American paper interesting % Miss Terry,
Eyes; | have Just finished reading such pretty
article, all full of littlo touches of howerets and
streamlets and tinkling fountains and sweet bells
and sunsets and rainbows. and / don't know
what all.p Mr.. Irving-"But what is it all about?"
Miss Terry-"I am sure l don't know That Is
just what was wondering Mr.. Irving Cooking
at the paper)-"Why that is Willie Winters crlti
cism of our performance"
Col. TIM. BUFoRD-who assassinated Judge
John NJ. Elliott, in Frankford, KY. year or SO
SINCE and who was convicted of the crime and
sentenced to prison for life, given new trial and
then acquitted upon the ground of insanity; then
sent to the lunatc asylum at Anchorage. and after
remaining short time made his escape and went
to Jeffersonville where he now lives-has written
letter TO a prominent lawyer at Frankfort, In
which he says: My health is delicate, my board
bill is unpaid and have not enough Of clothes
: to cover my person."
Ir takes fully eighteen months to convert
tobacco into snuff, and it goes through most elab-
crate preparations before it is presented TO the
public. Few people are probably aware that
after the same manner as beer, tobacco Is allowed
TO ferment SO as TO be thoroughly picked, and is
kept in this condition for at least six months after
which II is subjected to a steam temperature of
30 degrees. When thoroughly dry 1t has to be
ground which is done by means of cast iron mills.
over 400 women and boys are engaged in one snuff
} factory in Jersey City.
, CAPT. WILSON, of the "Star of France"
while stopping at Oakland CAL, lately said that
/ the SHIPS COOK, Wnlle tney were coming through
the tropics got out OH tho martingale under the
bowsprit to spear dolphins with grains. He
missed his footing while striking fish, and was
\ never seen again. but two hours afterward the
, first mate caught shark fourteen feet long, with
a dolphin and the grains one of the cooks legs
and gold watch and chain in his stomach. They
, recognized the cooks leg because 1t was tattooed
all over with anchors and girls and things. Then
the mate went fishing again with n large piece
ofpork, and in two hours caught another shark
with the rest Of the cook in him.
LORD LANsDowNE, tho new governor gen.
eral of Canada, has the reputation in the DEPART
ments in which he has served Of being very able
r and industrious Lord Ronald Cover in his
{ "reminiscences, describes Lady Lansdowne, Maude,
the youngest daughter of the duke of Abercorn, as
perfectly lovely--the sort of creature that one
, cannot help falling hopeessly In love with" Her
married lot has been in happy contrast with that
of her sister, who was welded the same day she
was to the present duke of Marlborough Lans
downe is 3s. They have three children two boys
and girl, who accompany them TO Canada. On
his staff is Viscount Melgund. eldest son OF Earl
Mimic, and lately an officer in the Scots guards.
VARIOUS are the methods of initiating
Harvard students into the secret societies. says an
!. exchange All aspiring young men are putthrough