The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-09-04

Oh Jhc mouse. III lellOW owned mint,
he could "alsO keep the wolf from the
door. '--BOSton Courier.
She sang II want to be an angel"
and he swore that she was one already.
To this she blushingly demurred. Then
he married her Demurrer sustained.
Emile asks the teacher, (which
animal attaches himself most TO man.
Emile, after some reflection: "The
leech sir!'
There is Phipps, Of Pennsylvania, An.
CELL, Of Illinois, and Chase, of Massa.
chu>etts, all wanting to get out of jail
in time for the winter lecture season.
A letter addressed to widow Smith,
kichford, Vt, threw the postmaster in
to panic, there being eleven widows
Of that name in Richford.
Nat Goodwin, the actor, replied, on
being asked what was the first thing tina,
struck him on his recent trip to Europe;
The fellow who wanted to be tipped
ne struck me everywhere.
"Can you change $50 gold piecc?'
he asked as he gently placed the empty
glass on the counter Yes, said the
bartender "Well, I'll 90 ont and see if
can find one, "
Here is another point in favor Of the
Darwinian theory; There is boy in
NOrrislown who "sprang from a mon
key The monkey belonged TO an or
gan-grinder and attempted to bite the
boy. NOrrtSfOpH Herald
Yes said the millner, 1.-THE suicide
Of Mrs DreStokil is a terrible affair.
Why, she did it the very day sent her
a new bonnet, and people may think
the bonnet had something to do with it,
and it will ruin me. "
"Howdydo?' said one citizen to an
other this morning. II feel like biz
sunilower, was the reply. You do
look a little bilious, for fact, re-
marked tho other, as he lodged the
cobDlestones.
A Western paper says; "SamWeldon
was shot last night in the rotunda by
Henry Parsons" About the worst
place q man can be shot. next to the
heart, is in the rotunda. 1t invariably
proves fatal
Yes, - said the Vermont deacon. 81
always 90 down TO camp-meeting, aud
always come back feeling good, Doyou
see tina, magnificent horse there in the
field? Well, YOU ought to have seen the
old plug took down there.
Ice.cream is now made from kaoln,
a white clay used in porcelain manu-.
facturo Notwithstanding this startling
fact the appctite- of young women at
the fashionable summer resorts remain
unchanged
A colorod Girl at Atlanta, Ga, wa.
knocked over by an engine, and in a
few minutes got up as if nothing unu-
sual had happened, and looking after
the engine said; You sc got a hcap of
politenc,> TO serve Il lady dat way
4 TeNa, Judge brought back the
memory to witness whose only an
swcr TO questions was 81 forget a
threatened sentence to pay fine and
20 to prison for contempt, was the
agency employed.
The Toledo Bladc student of charac-
ter has made the discovery that when u
husband and wife are together waiting
for or riding in street car, it il inyari-
ably the wife who gives the signal for
the car ostop. Perhaps the poor mans
check could not be honorcd.
Always associate with people intellec-
tually your superiors, my son; they
"A A a MI ali
OF knowing NS much as themselves and
not question YOU closely; but ignorant
folks are forever asking more things
than YOU can begin to answer
The badge OF his professions mo,
sab eNcilcdy exclaimed a Southern
darby dominic. "dat whtewash on do
,lecbs ob my coat ncbbcr come from dc
ruosl ob cnJchcn-housc. Dem marks,
sab, am de badge OBJ my profession,
sah'
1t is said by n physician of experience
that the safest place during cholera
epidemic is the piney woods, This
statement will start boom for spruce
and pine gum, which will be chewed
by persons who cannot emigrate to the
pncries,
There WAS once u man who boosted
that General Grant had talked with
him, In n subsequent interval Of candor
he explained that the General had said
"Whnt are YOU Sncaking around my
tent forG DO you want to steal some
thingP'
when Dame Fortune wants a man
she calls for him, says the Whitehall
Times And very often finds him not
at home Nine times out of ten he Is
down at the grocery store sitting on
soap.boS and telling what cyclone his
grandfather was to cradle wheat.
The groom of Iroquois, the frs
American Derby winner says he
thinks as much of the horse AZ Of his
wife, II all the owners Of fast horses
thought as much of their wives rs they
do of their horses, these women would
be much happier and be the envy of
their SEX
When u man Is oscorting his wife to
the depot, where she will bid him good
by for month or so ia the country, he
should be careful not to sing 'tum.te-
dum.tiddy' above his breath, or she
may conclude TO remain home, This
| is given 10 YOU straight under the