Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-09-23
THE BAD BOY.
Packs Bad Boy and the Dudes
Have Trouble.
The Boy Gets His Customary Black Eye,
and Reasons With the GrOcerVman
About Noah and the Ark.

vi lie the SiOceIS AuoA WS" SAS ASAO-
s,,e How did you get it? Have q
f,lt, or did your pa knock you down
with Il chair
Got il trying to be an angel" said
tre hoy, as he fumbled around the mos
unite bar over the basket of peaches, to
seifthsre wasn't a place wherea peach
,mirbt fall out. "You know that blind
w,man that grinds the hand organ
down on the corner. Well, q person
would think that a poor blind woman
who has to support herself and five
children grinding out the awfulest
music ever was, would be the last per-
son in the World to have tricks played
ON her, but this morning I found a
'couple Of dudes dropping lOzenges in
the cigar box that is on her organ for
reuuIeS. The first time they dropped in
one the Old lady smiled and took 1t out
and eat il, and / wasn't very mad, cause
| thought the dudes would surprise her
hy dropping in q five dollar
cold p. zee for = nickel,
aid make her feel good. But the next
tine lhey dropped in a cayenne pepper
I~oltrgtr, and they got behind q peanut
stat 10 see how it worked. She bit it,
sud then she opened her mouth and
bowed cold wind on her parched tom
QUE. aud | almost LATED at first, she
maur such q face, but when | see the
Tears begin 10 poor out Of her poor old
bind eyes, and roll down her withered
chez *, and she took the corner OF her
AKRON and wiped the tears away, as she
SlUlped right in the middle Of "Aunie
Laurie" and the organ drew a long
and when | looked at those two
dudes lafiing at her, | got crazy. Some
how | felt as though that poor old wO-
man was my ma, and before | knew il,
| jumped right in amongst those dudes,
and Knocked cue of them through the
peanut stand on the hot chestnut roast
and / kicked the other where it hurt,
ard re ran, AID the other one said,
YOU got 10 do about the old wO-
msu, don't you know and | said she
was a freud Of mine, cause she was
bIiLd, and then the Italian hit me in
the y with a hard peach, and q police
man came along and
The Dude
told him | vas a terrier, and the police.
man ierked my c~Oat.cOllar of, but when
| It'd him what it was all about, he
gave Re back my eOat-collar and chased
the dude, and the old lady thanked me
with her trembling lips, that were
home To get my collar sewed on, and pa
-. e -, R.1-n - ,.,k 90 V.,u hflA
guess If | hadn't told him about the
blind woman, he would have been kick
ing me Vet. Sometimes | think il don't
pay to be too dsrned good. For instance
now in this row, all the friend | have
got j. this blind woman, and she VIII
not know me when she sees me. The
two dudes and the Italian will lay for
me, and the policeman will, very likely,
I've told bv the dude that it was me who
fired the lOZenger in there, and | have
got TO wear this black eye fer two weeks,
Just for havisg a hesrt in me. Do you
think 1t pays TO be good, or didn't you
ever try it"p
"YOu bet it pays" said the grocery
man, as he stuck the nozzle Of the kerO-
sene can into a potato, and ripped OF
The Mosquito Bar
and told the boy to help himself to
peaches. "IOu have got a friend in me,
and you can call on me for q certificate
character at any time. A boy that
protects the poor and unfortunate is a
thoroughbred, II he does get a black eye
occasionally. But l don't see how it is
the minister Is down on you 80.
He was in here this morning to get
for q number three mackerel,
and he said he would walk around u
block any time rather than meet you,
you asked 50 many questions
that ne couldn't answer. What have
YOU been asking him lately?"
go, | only wanted to get a little light
on yachting. HE'S paid q salary to EN-
his congregation, and he always
US to ask questions, but lately he
has turned me away with a soft answer.
j asked him if he didn't think Mount
ATarat would have been q boss place to
hunt, Just after Capt. Noah had turned
all the game loose, aud the water was
high so you could sneak right up on to
elephants, ana tigers, and 3hipmunkS,
and fox squirrels, and the minister, who
had been telling pa what
A Boss fine
he bad last winter hunting deer up in
Michigan, got offended aud told pa he
better dismiss me with a boot. | don't
know as it would be any more harm to
hunt deer on Mount Ararat along about
a,349 years b. c., than it would now,
though they might have had a game
that would protect the game, on ac-
count Of there being only a limited sup
ply. But l suppose the game would
have been very poor, cause IL had been
shut up in the ark a long time without
any food, and the captain Of theark full
of bug juice"
"HOid on now, boy, don't be bearing
fake witness against thy neighbOr,"
said the grOceryman, Mortified ut the
remarks of the boy. There is no record
that Noah had anything to drink On the
ark. Give Noah his due, whatever you
do"
"Well, maybe you are right, but IS /
understand it he had 3 terrible appetite
for intoxicating fluid on shore, and one
would suppose il he didn't have 8 bar
on the yacht he would have strapped
ACOnple OTJugs
on tie mules when they went aboard,
and be must have known it was to be
a long and tedious cruise, and very
lonesome, and if he had anything stin'
ulating on board he took q nip occasion
ally. And you couldn't blame him.
Every b Jdy's appetite is better when
sailing, and Noah had to run the boat
night and day, and 1t wouldn't be
strange If he splieed the main brace. By
lingo, l should think that Moan would
have got sick Of menagerie, and Leen
mighty glad when he struck the top OF
the mountain and turned them loose,
Md when the water went down, and
the animals went sliding down hill, fall
ing overe each other to find a good nib
BILE of grass, it must have been 3 picnic
But what do you suppose the
lions found to eat? They live on meat,
and as there were only tive animals OF
q kind, they had to wait until some
more small animals could be raised be-
fore they col d eat, cause ifthey eat
any animal, that settled it, and there
wouldn't never be any of those animals
on Earth. Saw, don't YOU think these