Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-20

OOInO hCA OdlAOG Sbduo SUOCSSos
A philosophical son of Erin was over
heard saying to friend: "Have good
time while you live, for you're long while
deadr'
A pint of whisky put in fruit cake will
keep it for six months, and the same
amount put in man will keep him down
town till two in the morning.
prisoner, why did you kill your wife ?''
Because life with her had become unbear-
able" ''You should have separated from
her." 81 had promised that 1 would never
desert her while she lived"
At breakfast the other morning a New
York dude declined a piece of shad. He
had been told that fish food made brain,
and he didn't want to unfit himself for the
position he occupied i'll society.
A Pennsylvania inventor has evolved a
new rat trap, in one end of which is a mir
ror. This may do for the female rats, but
when male rat notices that the bait looks
double he will think he has had enough and
go home.
A few years ago, fat fellow asked old
Sir Francis Burdette, while in Parliament,
for some position, saying; Don't you re-
member me? I used to be page" "Well,"
responded Sir Francis, ''you have grown
into volume"
Young wife, discussing Der first dinner
party: well, then, Hannah, how shall we
have the mushrooms cooked?" Cook:
"Well, mum, yer go inter society more than
do; yer ought ter be able to give me a
suggestion"
"Where are your kids?' society man
asked, looking at the bare hands of poor
but deserving editor at a Vanderbilt party.
AT home in bed" was the indignant reply.
do you suppose I'd bring my children to
a party like this?"
Chicago's latest: A baby named High
E. Jones. His mother is a local choir
singer and she distinguished herself just
before her present temporary retirement
by singing that note. Now she celebrates
the achievement.
Bridget: "And how much the pale young
lady that sat mkt the military gintleman
resimbled her father!' Dennis: "Indade!
it's meeself that remarked that same to
Mary! 1 should have known she was his
daughter If I'd niver laid eyes ON him."
"They say Charley has married. Do
you know his wife? Is she a woman of in
telligeDce? Is she well-inf )rined? "Well
informed? Well, should say so. She
has belonged to the village sewing circle
for ten years and never missed meeting"
Sympathetic dry-goods clerk: 'What
are you crying for, little girl? Have you
lost something's" Child (hoIding up some
samples of silk: "No-o-o, sir; but the
man at that other counter cut such big
notches in 'em, sir, that they're no use at
all in the quilt
Mrs. Jones-"Ah! and good morning to
you, Mrs. Smith. Did you ike the cream
L sent your" Mrs. Smith-"Oh, very much
thank YOU Mrs. Jones-"Yes; and if
you could let me have the pot sent it III,
you'd oblige me, eos, you see, it's my old
mans shaving mug, and ne don't like no
other"
Gen. Butler took some friends out riding
one day last fall at his country seat in an
Old family carriage that looked as if it had
come out of the ark. "General,' said one
of the party, "wherever did you get this
trap" sit is my fathers said Butler,
laughing, 'and has been in the family fifty
1t at New Orleans"
'You can't add different things togeth-
er," said a schoolteacher. ''If you aid a
sheep and COW together it does not make
two sheep or two cows" A little boy, the
son of a milkman, held up his hand, and
said: THAT may do with sheep and COWS,
but if you add a quart of water to quart
of milk. it makes two quarts of milk. I've
seen it tried.''
4 little girl recently went to visit her
grandfather in the country. She is fond
Of milk, but firmly refused to drink any
while there, without giving any reason.
When she returned she was asked, ''You
had nice milk to drink, didn't your" II
guess l didn't drink any of that milk" she
Indignantly replied. ''Do you know where
grandpa got it? saw him squeeze it out
of an old cow"
Terra cotta"' said country woman IN
Boston store, repeating the name after
the clerk. SIS that French for cinnamon?"
''Not that l know of, madam" answered
the smirking salesman. ola, you needn't
laugh rve known the color before you
was born, but 1 never heard it called
nothin' but cinnamon brown" All of
which illustrates the folly of attempting
to get up anything new in this benighted
age.
"What is promised to the righteous ?"
ASKED mild ana amlable Sunday-SchOOl
teacher of a small child at the far end of
her class. Eternal bliss" quickly re-
sponded the child. "Quite right, my dear
Child said the mild and amiaSle. ''And
now tell me what is promised to the
wicked?" External blister, ma'am," was
the prompt reply. The teacher pronounced
it theoiogically correct, but peculiarly ex-
pressed.
Misplaced: German nobleman had
two sons, who were reported to be rather
fast boys. One of them was a clerk in
bank and the other was an officer of the
army. How are your sons coming on?'
asked friend. ''Bad enough! The one
in the bank, who ought to be drawing
drafts, spends all his time in hunting, and
the other ins!the army, who ought to be
busy shooting, is always drawing drafts on
me for money"
Poor old John Brown was unquestionably
killed by a severe cold caught while look
ing over the scene of Lady Florence Dixie's
alleged adventure. He at once hit the blot
that struggle on soft ground must leave