The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-03-23
A LECTURE ON SCIENCE.
Prof. Holdback Remington Before the
Lime Kiln Club.

Bro. Gardner announced to the club
that the great colOrcd Ohio scientist and
philosopher was present in the ante
room, shivering with cold and impa.
ticnce. He had been in the city th'. :
days. during 'Wlii"' ''''i1 ~ nav. w.,
hi: b.eie ...ni discovered that the sun
was l.O0O,OG0 miles nearer the earth nj
Detroit than in Cleveland.
The committee on reception then
drew on their new fhittcnS and disap-
peared in search of the distinguished
visitor
Close upon the heels of Il lamp explo
sion i'm the northwest corner Of the
room. which knocked Judge Cadavet
oil his stool and flung WalkarOund
SkivcrS halfway through window,
came the noble professor. Ii he could
have been Strengthened up by means OF
iack-screws he would have stood six
feet high, and Il few bricks in his peck
cts would have brought his weight up to
120 pounds. He had Il piercing eye,
nose rather on the doOr-knob order.
and his mouth at once BETRAYED great
force of character. He was conducted
to the platform. formally introduced,
and as he mOistencd his bronchial tubes
with few swallows of hard cider, he
led off with:
My frens.' he began, II has bin in
wited To spoke To you on tie subjeck OF
science. | has no doubt dat some OF
you has heard de- word spoken, or seen
il in print 1T sometime. but how liltledc
ajority of you have eber realized dc
beauties, dc extent. an de power OF
science. Science has had hard strug-
gle. but she am now top of dc heap
an kin reward her frcns an forgive her
enemies. How do we know dat de airth
revOlves on her aXel-trecs, same as dc
wheels of wagin? Science has told
Us. How do we know how to cross dc
oshun? Science pints dc way. How do
we know dat dc great desert of Sa-hary
was once an oshun? Science has dug
down an foun' clam shells aud sharks
jaw-bones. WidOut science we should
be world widout over-coats in winter
or saltwater in summer. We would
fall from harvest apples trees an pick
ourselves up widout KNOWN whedei
grabitashun or agitashun made us cum
down instead of goin' up. We should
see de moon, same as now. but some
would say it was inhabited by monkeys
an Odders would have an ideah dat il
was splendiferOus locality for per.
simmOn grove. De sun would rise an
sot an warp de shingles Oh de roofs.
but men would 90 round blufiin' fur
bets dat she wasn't fifty miles away an
was held in place by wires"
Here the orator paused to scratch his
back and take another drink of cider,
and amidst Il stiffness almost solemn he
continues:
Science has done much. but it hasn't
done nuff. II has gibcn us de marin.
er's compass. but we have no mashcen
shops whar' bOw-legged men kin drap
in on DER way up home an git de crook
Strengthened while dey wait. 1t has
giben us steam, but we still crawl under
de house 10 thaw out frozen water-pipes
de same as de Roman Senators did 2.
900 v airs ago. 1t has giben us grand
suspenshun bridges, but whar' am dc
gas-metre which registers in favor OF
de consumer? Ii has giben us de tele
graf, but what man among YOU ebel
sol eyes on boot:jack which wouldn't
miss cog jist when you war pullin' on
wet boot de hardest? II has tunneled
frew mountains, but we hab foun' nj
better way OLD making dc baby swallow
easter lie dan by holdin' its nose, SAINT
u Eve held Cain s and Abcl's in de be.
ginnin'.
My frens. did not come here to ex.
pccicraic you wild Il tircsomc infatua
ton. Heed we'll what I have said
Snug up 10 science. She will keep you
cool in summer an prevent de shrinkin'
of your winter ilannels. 1t is deeL
subjec for research an imcompatibility.
All trusiin' dat each one of You may alb
dictate dc rc!lexun of de consequential
Twill draw my brilliant climax to ca