Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-03-09
WIT AND I1UMOK.


Those who have ever attended a country
singing schoo. will at ono. recognize Dr
Talmages description of heAvcn.-N. Y.
CommtrcidI Adeertiser
why don't you eat like you do to home ?"
siiu lhc rural bridegroom To his bride a st
Nicholas table dhotc as she nj ., cd lhi, aud
tasted That in her embarrassment 'thcm
tolks over there don't pay no !. rc n We DO.
ana yoh are goose to be aitaid. Mtcl
Mai.
Rough Charlie We're dc Ncic (scntcn.
tiously "Gcniuses, my dear Miss Mnrl-
borough, are men who Just mss beng TO IS,
und fools are men vino jus, miss being re.
muses. Miss Marlborough lawestruck J.
what original things You say Mr.. We're lie
we're. sometimes think that rou are nj.
most genius. ."-Iiorra,d LaaaJ oon.
Joseph Burley of Taunton has Just ha II
needle removed from his leg which has been
in his body twenty-six years Wonderful.
but not nearly so remarkable as the case OF a
man in this city who hal Il nail removed
from his foot after ii had been there fifty
ton Transcript
a Vermont man recently tried the power
OF the human eye on Il savage bull. He will
De able to crawl around on Crutches b. the
time The leaves of next fall lurn crimson.
lie Will then hire Il tobacco store ina e with
a glass eye, and repeat the experiment on
the cloven-iolte believer. y. Y. Com-
mercidl .ldrertisfr
| Heard ina doctors Office; "Iluw 20
VIII II lake YOU to cure me, doctor :" "We.l
Mt Blank, think you eau get b ,ck to your
desk at the bank Ia about month, hut wa
will have to rc,aain under treatment for sew
eral Years. But You mistake | am not
MIR. Blank, the banker, but Mr. Blank, the
lettor-caircr.' "Oh, that alters he case.
There is nothing the matter with GU but IL
little blousness. You will b well IN $
week Philaae,plia Ne.cs.
In the Familiar Letters" Of John Adams.
under Gate Of Sept. l. 1777 he writes that
General Washington sets fine example as
he always entertans his friends with Ium
and water We never doubted that there
was some good reason for the tradition that
George Washington was first in tie hearts
of his couutrymcn. - Br0oklya Eag!e
A Washington man who was at costed lac
at night by u fellow that demanded money.
pointed his night-key at him and the fellow
ran away. Some people think tie thief was
goose enough to mistake the thing for re-.
voiver, but the probability is that he knew
that nian who habitually carrie night
key seldom has anything left In is pockets
worth stealing. Philadelphia Nei-s
"Wiil you have dinner al the eating stl.
ton y asked the train boy Of passenger
''fes, said the passenger, arising and TEL
lowing the boy. Il just wanted 10 know"
slid the boy, so | could telegraph ahead"
Telegraph repeated the tired passenger
whose patience tile slowness Of the train had
exhausted, ii thought you wnn'cd me t.
stroll On ahead and eat by the time the train
would get there. '-1rkdAsag YrIrtier
There is a ynltu,r p,urr,nJ ,,.,,..,
Louis who sleeps only two hours in each
twcn'y-four. She is evidently IN training to
become most vigilant mothrr-in-aw.-
Western Dredner
Some great thinker once said: "Dsu'f
commence 10 write IN article for publication
until You are full of your subject" An td'-
tor who intended to write an article on "hprr"
remembered this advice N0rii't0rA He.
4M
1t is great comfort to learn from the
Governors special message on the agriculm
raj college, that one of oar State institutions
is great deal better than anybody supposed
that 1t was. LoloeH Courier
No country member of the Legislature will
permit himself to 20 back ut the close oi
the session TO tho bosom of his constituency
without having put himself on the record a,
seconding motion to adjourn -LorrN CHI.
zen.
The maideus point of view; Wanna
Maud who has been with her bro. er to tn.
play, and is full Of itN-"But was there mo-
lore IN the piece thcn?" Maud-"Lore ,
ON, dear no, mHmma How could there
be? The principal characters were hqsly,ad
md 0ite, you know ~ Loadoa IuncA
MIR. b. had married the divorced wife OF
MIR. C., but had never me, him. One ,ayn
friend introduced them "llello, said D.,
. is this Mr.. John j. C. z" The same, snil
MIR. c. Il ought to know you; we're kin
''liow do YOU make that out e why, We
are Observation-Disclosures, amt WEI" The rela
'iorship was dGly Acknowledged. - he
Driimmer.
y woman who had been numb ilr fifteen
years, recently iell from a char nd tn
shock restored her 10 speech. rhu next day
her husband stumbled over the sane piece OF
furniture and broke his arm. lie then gave
The chair away 10 Il bitter enemy. Rochester
Post Erpress
Elizabeth Cady Stanton advises billiard,
Tor glrls. II that time ever comes, Jus
count us Ut Il safe distance from all billiard
tables, for II woman strikes billiard ball
rs wildly as she throws a stone, every billiard
parlor will have window bars mad Of strong
iron, and attendants will wear iron yotectors
-Attiea Neies.
The Commentators First Quldnunc lin
m ecstasy, 1--WE just been writing TO til.
New Shakespeare Society. Believe Pye
made disc overy-that Horalio was Ham.
let's iather!' Second Qudnunc (,nchautedD
You don't say so?" First Qudnunc-
MY dear sir, doesn't Hamlet, when he han-
dies forick's skull address uoralio, And
smeii SO, paF think that's conclusive -