Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-17
HUMOR.


The great revolutionist-Tho fly.
wheel
A MArrEE of deep feeling-Ocean
soundings.
"NATURAL1sTs say that single swal-
low will devour 5000 flies day" OBJ
viously the naturalists have made mis-
take of 5000 swallows.
IT may be truthfully stated that, no
matter how a young man acts towards
a young lady, he can never cause her to
dislike him sufficiently to decline his
picture.
\ MANITOBA man advertises: "Wife
Wanted-Must not be over %; good
cook, good housekeeper, and able to
milk four cows if lady means business
send photo"
Docs, under favorable circumstances,
live to be 80 years DID," says an ex-
change. Favorable circumstances"
probably means family without boys
or neighbors.
ONE great unpleasantness attending
q mans getting married is his utter in
significance on the occasion. The
bride is the object of attention as the
star performer of the show, and he is
regarded merely as a necessary prop
erty.-Bostor1 Post.
AN Iowa juror stated in open court
that man had sought to bride him
with half dollar, and the Judge gave
him credit for his great frmness in
holding out against temptation. There
is no telling what might have happened
had IS cents been offered.
GET right out of this" shouted an
irritated merchant to a mendacious
clerk "this is the third lie I have caught
you in since 70 o'clock this morning 2"
ooh, we'll" sail the new man, don't be
too hard on me. Give me a chance to
learn the rules of the house"
YES, John, there are lady drummers,
but We cannot answer your inquiry as
to the solidity OF their cheeks. We
never kissed one on the cheek, and, by
George, the man that would do so when
there IS a rosy mouth laying around
doing nothing deserves to be lynched.
-EUd21SUUle Arg2tS.
"JUNIUs, dey say June gwine to run
! TO Justice oh de peace, am dat fac'?"
II did hab hankerin' dat ah way, sho'
'nough; what's yo's 'pinion bout de
matter?" well, Junius, eff turnabout's
fair play, yume justified in yo' puppus,
case yume been runnin' away from de
! iestice oh de peace these seb'ral years"
WE have near sympathy with that
dear and sanity old lady from the
country "deestrict" who, upon examin-
ing the weapons in an antiquarian
museum, declared that there was only
one thing more she desired to look
upon, and then she would go home
satisfed-viz, the axe of the Apostles.
SENTIMENTAL inscriptions do not al
ways have the effect their authors in
tend. In the cemetery of Pere La
! clai8e are two columns, side by side,
with the inscriptions Gin French, of
course:
adele R
wait for you. 1915"
On the other:
Louis R,
Here am. 1881"
Beneath the last some gamin has in
| scribed:
''He took lis time"
DURING the recent election, here in
Austin, a candidate asked a man who
was working for the opposition if there
was not something the matter with his,
the opponents nose. Not that [ knows
Of" was the reply. isn't your nose
Daralyzed?" "Why, no. What makes
You think 500" responded the other,
feeling his nasal organ. Nothing, ex,
cept that my opponent has been leading
YOU by the nose for the last four or five
years, and You do not seem to be aware
Of it. so thought you could not have
much feeling in your nose" -TerGs
! SGHngs.
TIE Young man was evidently honest
il IL his intentions, but three years Of
constant counting had failed to over
come his excessive usefulness They
were sitting in chairs at a respectful
distance apart Said the young man
having spent five minutes in search Of
a subject; "How do you get along with
your cooking?" Nicely" replied the
young miss; "Im improving wonder
fully. can make splendid cake now.
"Can you?" said the young man in 6
pleased manner. "What kind do yor
like best?" II like one made Will
flour, and sugar, and citron, and raisins
and currants, and lots of those things
and beautiful frosting on top" re
sponded the young miss. why, that.
a wedding-cake," exclaimed the young
man, nervously. II meant wedding,
said the young miss, shyly. They were
published.