davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02
BurrIars' Methods and Tools.

Burglars travel in gangs, and have at
their beck and call crowd of confeder-
ates-capitalists, layers-out and go-be-
tweens. The first-named stake" the
craftsman when he is broke, furnish
the funds for expeditions, and when he
is in trouble look generally to his in
terests. The layer-out is the brains of
the gang, plans it's expeditions, often
furnishes the funds, and, after a sue
cess, shares the spoils. The GO
between is he who acts as agent
for the return of the non-eigible
bonds or securities of any kind, for, al
though these papers have no real value
to the burglars, the bank people are
pinched by the same wise, and between
the two inconvenience both are willing
to sacrifice something in the interest of
harmony and the rest. Bank burglars
tools are generally of very superior
order, gathered with care and piece
meal until the kit is made up. A full
kit of the best order liz worth $4,000.
This may all go in the event of fail
ure of n job by disturbance, and gener-
ally does. when a successful piece of
work is accomplished, as the booty is
heavy enough to carry away in itself, so
that tools are left behind. Mechanics
of a superior class exist in larger cities
who make specially of fashioning
burglars tools. In the absence of such
a mechanic the tools are collected in
parts, but as this is risky way of OBJ
tanning them it is avoided If possible.
Kits of the tobyman's tools are kept on
hand for hire, and a good collection
can be obtained in the centers of the
business for from 800 to 5000. These
tool-renters are generally tool makers
also, but often the fence has them on
hand, and it is part of the business of
the old craftsman to keep them. Fifty
per cent. of the noted burglars are prac-
teal blacksmiths and thoroughly under
stand the temper and capacity Of their
own tools. Sometimes a gang, each
owning implements of different kinds,
pool their possessions, and thus make
a full Exit" The tool-makers have
their specialties. Some are famous for
chisels, others for punches and jimmies,
and one maker has made a national rep
utation for n sledge of lead and copper
that entirely superseded that formerly
used of steel, because of the dull, almost
noiseless, blow it strikes
The latest great improvement is in
drills that cut into the hardest steel like
a knife into wood, especially the double
rachel drill of Howard, the burglar,
who was murdered by his comrades
some years ago for treachery. This
drill is said to be able to bore a hole
through q solid block of steel as easily
as does gimlet in one of wood. An
other tool called safe-opener, made
on the principle of the domestic oyster
opener, will cut the front out of n safe
when once it gets hold. But the
most powerful and destructive instru-
ment used by burglars Is the safe-drag,
originally made in England. i weighed
Mt first about 800 pounds, but American
ingenuity has got it down to little
over 100 in weight and improved its
qualities. An expert can tear a strong
safe literally to pieces with this terrible
machine. -C'eUeiand Herald.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02
Too Many Lawyers.

The biography of Peter the Great
says that, when he visited England in
quest of information which he could
use at home, he expressed his surprise
at the large number of lawyers he
found in London. He declared that he
had but two in all his dominions and
that he intended to take off the head of
one of them as soon as he returned.
Still, it appears that the number of
lawyers in Great Britain was formerly
very small MS compared to what it is ut
present. The number of practising and
non-practising barristers in England
100 years ago was less than 300 At
the commencement of the present cent
ury the number had increased to 700
The number at present is about 1000.
The population of the United Kingdom
has increased three-fold during the
present century, but the lawyers have
increased in mach larger ratio. More
are studying for the bar than ever be-
fore. Nothing can be done in England
without II lawyer. There is family
lawyer as well rs family doctor.
Every criminal has a lawyer, and nearly
every honest man is obliged to employ
one to defend him against knaves. Two
men meet to transact little common
business and each brings a lawyer with
him. A lawyer has become necessary
if marriage settlement or will is to
be drawn up. Ii an estate is left,
lawyers will consume large portion
of it in dividing it among its rightful
owners. Parliament has done all it
could to simplify court proceedings,
but the lawyers contrived to undo most
of the good work performed.
If England is "lawyer-ridden"
country, what shall we call the United
States? A town that is large enough
to support grocery is quite certain to
support two lawyers. Every corpora
ton, public or private, employs an at
torney. Lawyers may almost be said
to constitute the governing class
in this country. Lawyers usually
constitute the majority of both houses
of Congress and of both branches of the
State Legislature. Lawyers make the
laws, quarrel over them, and then get
them declared unconstitutional The
next session of the Legislature they re-
peat the operations of the previous
year. The uncertainties of the law in
crease from year to year The more
the law is eXpounded, the more difficult
it is to understand The more light is
thrown upon it, the more obscure it be-
comes. The more commentaries there
are on it the more are required. Other
things become clearer as time moves
on. But the reverse is true in relation
to the meaning and application of the
law. No Judge, or bench of Judges, is
even measurably sure in rendering
decision. All one set of Judges can do
is to make guess. 1t is all guess
work, from the highest tribunal to the
lowest - Cbjcd1O Times
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02

fore Napoleon. She was in the prime
of woman's life; not girl, vet young
enough to return unimpaired that beau
ty for which she had been remarkable
among crowd of beauties. Her fea-
lures were full of anxiety and sadness,
adding interest to her appearance even
at such a moment.
"Sire! Sire!" said she, presenting O
paper hurriedly; "readl readl"
The Emperor took the paper present
ed TO him. He shook his head and
held up the paper to his eyes. After
perusing its contents he took it between
his hands and tore it to pieces, scatter
ing the fragments in the air.
"Stop. sire!" cried the woman. Fol-
low the advicel BE warned-it is yet
timel"
NO" replied Napoleon. And, taking
from his finger beautiful Oriental ru-
by, valuable souvenir of his Egyptian
campaigns. he held it out to the woman.
She took it, kneeling, and kissed the
hand which presented it. Turning his
head, Napoleon then stepped into the
boat which awaited to take him to the
vessel The vessel took him to the bar
rem rock or st. Helena.
And there he died.
Thus, of the three warnings, two were
useless, because neglected until the dan
ger had occurred, and the third, which
prognosticated the fate of Napoleon, If
once in the power of his adversaries
the third was rejected.
"But who was this woman, Duke of
Otranto?"
"That," replied Fouche, II know not
with certainty. The Emperor, if he
knew ultimately, seems to have kept the
secret. All that is known respecting
the matter is that female related to
Saint Regent, one of the authors of the
explosion of the street st. Nicho-
las, died at the hospital Hotel Dieu, in
1887, and that around her neck was
suspended, by silk ribbon, the exquis-
tie oriental ruby of Napoleon"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02
What To Fry With.

There are several oily and fatty sub
stances used for frying, which the Ca
teTer names in the order of their cost
Olive oil is almost exclusively used i'll
olive-bearing countries as the cheapest
frying material. Here it is quite costly
and but little used, save by the wealthy
or the epicure who prizes ii for the olive
flavor it communicates to food cooked
in it, Others, again, dislike and reject
it for the same reason. Clarified butter
comes next in cost and is prepared as
follows: Put the butter into an enam-
eled saucepan and melt it gently over a
clear fire; when it begins to simmer
take it off the fire. skim well, let stand
in n warm corner till the buttermilk or
cheesy matter has settled, then pour it
off steadily from the sediment, through
fine muslin, into stone or glass jar, cover
and keep in cool place. 1t is the best
of all frying material and greatly supe-
rior to lard, in that the slight flavor it
communicates is quite pleasing and APP
petizing.
A third preparation, favorite with
many of the best European cooks, and
q genuine mixture, is composed of equal
measures of olive oil, butter, veal suet,
and beef lard. The butter is first
melted and stirred into the other three,
already mixed and melted; then it is
strained into n stone pot and kept
always in cool place, well covered.
The combined flavor of the four ingredi-
ents is acceptable to almost all tastes.
Fresh butter comes next and is much
to be preferred to lard, but it has one
Objectionable quality. On account of
the buttermilk and salt it contains it
scorches and burns when subjected TO
high or long-continued heat. This
renders it unfit for the cooking of many
delicate dishes. This tendency can,
however, be much lessened by rubbing
the frying-pan with u small muslin bag
filled with prepared beef suet
Lard is the common, well-nigh uni
versal frying material in America, be-
cause it is cheap and to be had in every
nook and corner of the land. Its free
use has caused many dyspeptic
stomach. If used at all only the best
leaf lard should be employed and rem
dered out by steam or boiling water, so
as to avoid the burnt taste it gets il
rendered out on the open fire.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02

The rabbit winks with hiz noze an
sumtimes he duz it with such effek the
ekko agertates wat little tale heze got
lef Rabbits haz got other funny trates
beside, because heze got kneze on hiz
hind legs that reach from his toze to
hiz elboze an he sets on 'em more n
he duz on the furtherest end of m.
His ears IL stiffycates of hiz belongin'
to the jackass family an wen he sticks
'em up the stars begin ter git nervus
an move out Their way. Rabbits wares
furs all the hull yeer an wen they walk
yude think the behind ov i'm wuz
harder ter lift an q burow, but wen
you fetch 'em of itenin' bug coodent
ketch i'm eff yude give i'm tn daze start.
Rabbits is good ter eat ony if there's
wimmin round you mustn't menshun
ennythin' bout cats vile the bankwet il
goin' on.--Rome Sentinel.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02
iSurgling as an Art.

The methods of the American thief
are very comprehensive and skillful,
saws the Cleveland Herald; more so
than are those of the profession. for
such has thieving become, of other
countries. 1t is commonly acknowl-
edged among the first police officers in
the world that, for Il fine job, the
American thief il far ahead Of the other
nations. Why should they be? That
Is somewhat of n mystery, unless to the
training he has received under the
tutelage of the best of English thieves
he adds the peculiar daring, GOODNESS,
cunning and skill that seems to he in
herent in the fully developed American,
but no matter for what reason, the fact
remains unchallenged that he stands at
the head of the craft. A consideration
of his WAYS, gentle and otherwise, will
be interesting TO read. He is divided
in many families, but first and foremost
among thieves is the bank burglar or
"high tobyman He is the king bee in
the criminal hive, and affects to be q
gentleman when not otherwise engaged
on "lay." The history of nearly every
large and wealthy city abounds in
instances of the bank robbers daring
roguery. He comes and leaves mystic
riously, and his presence would not
have been felt had he not left "kit" of
beautiful tools beside wrecked safe or
bank vault, and taken in exchange
greenbacks and bonds that may be
thousands, but more often is millions.
This in his peculiarly sportive moments
he might term fair exchange, and
does; but no amount of sportive wit can
persuade the bank officers into thus re-
garding the visit. Bank burglars are
not in the habit of working alone.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02
Fashionable Vulgarity.

Men and women exhibit more or less
vulgarity III all the various classes into
which social laws divide mankind.
Many are measurably excusable for
vulgarity because they have had little
or no opportunity to become anything
better; but even among those who have
been denied the advantages of culture
or refining associations there are many
who, however uncultivated, are never
vulgar.
The vulgarity that is most conspicu-
Gus and least excusable is that often os-
tentatiously exhibited by men and
women who have enjoyed the advan-
tages of what they call the best culture
and surroundings; who claim to be gen
tlemen and ladies par excellence. 1t
would be most unjust to say that exhi-
billions of vulgarity are common among
cultivated men and women; but it is
undeniably true that some of the most
offensive exhibitions of vulgarity are
made by men and women who assume
to be leaders of refined society
One of the most common and unpar-
donable vulgarisms is that exhibited by
men and women at places of public
amusement. There is hardly q week
that some of our best theaters are not
disgraced by the brazen vulgarity Of
fashionable parties. Sometimes they
occupy the boxes, and 10y their loud
and incessant conversation and ex-
CARNATIONS, deprive a full hundred
quiet spectators from hearing or enjoy
ing the play. Sometimes they take o
prominent row of seats, and disturb
actors, audience and orchestra with
their loud conversation, vulgar criticism
and more vulgar exhibition of contempt
for the better people around them.
Sometimes the vulgarity is heightened
by men, miscalled gentlemen, who are
intoxicated; not too drunk, but just
drunk enough to be entertaining to
these women, miscalled ladies, and ex-
cessively annoying to scores Of people
around them. Questionable people
don't exhibit such vulgarity, for the
very good reasons that, as a rule, they
have too much self-respect to be guilty
of it, and they would be admonished or
ordered out by the ushers If they 80
Observation-Disclosures Times.
AN ostrich at Cape Town has broken
three ribs for one man and two legs for
others by kicks delivered straight be-
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02

at least two such cases on record, both
of them reported in the Journal Of
Nervous and Mental Diseases, July,
1881. In both, insanity always fol-
lowed upon the use of quinine, and, from
the character of the two reported cases,
it seems certain that in some predis-
posed cases brief, durable insanity
may follow upon the use of the drug
American Medical ITeekM.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02
] [ I.


Years ran on after the explosion of
the internal machine and the strange
accompanying circumstances which
tended to make the occurrence more
remarkable in the eyes of Bonaparte
To the Consulate succeeded the EN-
pire, and victory after victory marked
the career of the great Corsican. At
length the hour of change came. Allied
Europe poured its troops into France,
and comp Led the Emperor to lay down
the scepter which had been so long
shaken N terror over half of the civil
lied world. The Isle of Elba became
for few days the most remarkable
spot on the globe, and finally the re-
suscitated empire fell to pieces anew on
the field of Waterloo.
Bonaparte was about to quit France.
The moment had come for him to set
foot in the bark which was to convey
him to the English vessel. Friends who
had followed the fallen chief to the very
last were standing 10y to give him final
adieu. He waived his hand to those
around, and smile was on the lip which
had given the farewell kiss to the inn
perial eagle. At this instant woman
broke through the band that stood be-
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02

THINGS are not what they seem. I
have seen fifteen owls all in q row ut
the Zoo, and they looked as wise as If
teen Judges on the Supreme Bench,
but there wasn't an ounce of brains in
the whole LOT. -Epo,,gelist Barnes.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02

genders O second. Let Josephine re-
main ignorant Of the danger she has
escaped. Hortense, Joseph, Gambia
ceres-tell none of them; and let the
Government journals say not word
about my fall.
The First Consul was then silent for
some time.
"Duroc," he said at length, "you will
come tomorrow at mass and examine
with attention a young girl whom L
shall point out to you. She will occupy
the fourth window in the gallery on the
right. Follow her home, or cause her
to be followed, and bring me intelli-
gence of her name, her abode and her
circumstances. 1t will be better to do
this Yourself; 1 would not have the
police interfere in this matter"
On the morrow the eyes of more than
one person were turned to the window
in the gallery. But the jealous Joseph
inc sought III vain for the graceful fig
ure of the young girl. She was not
there. The impatient First Consul
and his confidant, Duroc, were greatly
annoyed at her non-appearance, and
small was the attention paid by them to
the services that day. Their anxiety
was fruitless. The girl was seen at
mass no more.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02

AN ostrich at Cape Town has broken
three ribs for one man and two legs for
Others by kicks delivered straight be-
hind. He'd make q capital army mule
If he only had bray.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02

these lined:
"In the name of heaven, Citizen Con-
sui, do not go to the opera tonight, or,
if you do go, pass not through the street
of st. Nicholas"
On reading these words the Consul
Glanced to raise his eyes. Exactly OPP
posite to him, in a box on the third tier,
sat the young girl of the chapel at st.
Cloud, who, with joined hands, seemed
to utter prayers of gratitude for the es-
cape which had taken place. Her head
had no covering but her flowing and
beautiful chestnut hair, and her person
was wrapped in a dark mantle, which
the Consul recognized as identical with
that worn by the woman who had de-
hvered the paper to him Mt the carriage
door on the Place Carousal.
"Go," he said, quietly but quickly, to
Lannes; ego to the box exactly oppo-
site to us, and the third tier You will
find young girl in black mantle.
Bring her to the Tuileries / must see
her, and without delay" Bonaparte
spoke thus, and without raising his eyes,
but TO make Lennes certain of the per-
son he took the Generals arm and said,
pointing upward, "See there-lookw
Bonaparte stopped suddenly The
girl was gone. No black mantle was to
be seen. Annoyed at this beyond meas
ure, he hurriedly sent off Lannes to in
tercept her. 1t was in vain. The box
keeper had seen such an individual, but
knew nothing about her. Bonaparte
applied to Fouche and Dubois, but all
the zeal in these functionaries failed to
find her.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-03-02
| /

The summers + Napoleon were spent
chiefly at Malmaison-the winter Mt
Saint Cloud and the Tuileries. Winter
had come on, and the First Consul had
been holding court i'll the great apart
ments of the last of these palaces. 1t
was the third of that month, which the
Republicans well called Nivose, and in
the evening Bonaparte entered his car
riage to go to the opera, accompanied
by his aid-de-camp, Lauriston, and
Generals Lannes and Berthier. The
vehicle was about to start when fe-
ma!o, wrapped in black mantle, rush
ed out upon the Place Carousal, made
her way into the midst of the guards
about to accompany Bonaparte, and
held forth paper to the latter, crying:
"Citizen Consul, Citizen Consul, read!
read y"
Bonaparte, with that smile which
Bourrienne describes as irresistible,
saluted the petitioner and stretched out
his hand for the missive. "a petition,
MADAME" said he, inquiringly, and then
continued: Fear nothing; L shall
peruse it and see Justice DONE"
"Citizen Consul"-cried the woman,
imploringly joining her hands.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-02-17
EQUAL.

Don't you know, Mike, tha, you arc killing yourself drinking whisky:r sad a minister 70 an Arkansaw Irishman.
 :. Did yer honor lger hear the story ay the wasp and the boy; Well the wasp lit or the boys neck and s,ung hirn like the divil, but the boy mashed the wasp agains, himself and kilt him, an remarked that he had hured the wasp as bad as the wasp had hurted him. 50, yer honor, 1 kill as much av the whisky as the whis- Ky does as me.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-02-17
THE COLONEL.

Several weeks ago, by special enact ment of the legislature, the governor of- fered a reward of two hundred dollars for an Arkansaw man who is no, a judge. colonel, major nor captain. The next day, a plain, unassuming gentleman called on the governor and said:
 '.I have the honor, sir. to claim the re- ward you offered for a man who is neither ajudge, colonel, major, nor captain. am neither of these.n
 Il am glad to meet you, sir said the governor. -I Just sit down a moment un- til attend to little matter of business. ' The man took seat and the governor went into an adjoining room and after a moment called
 .s Colonel
 'sYes, sir" said the gentleman, arising.
 = That's all right remarked the goy- ernor. s.l sec you are a colonel. Por- ter. please show the military gentleman o the door and admi, the next man
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-02-17
OLD NICHOLAS.
An unple.san, "se,-,e" in the House

An Unpleasant "Set-fo m Inc mouse
 Representative Nicholas arose the other day, and had addressed the speaker preparatory to expounding the oonsti,u- ton, when representative Mike o'BiIligan assumed the perpendicular and es claimed:
 "Misther Spaker, and do we IntInd to set here the whole session through and listen to the nagerf'
 "Whut's dc matter wid yerseft' de- manded Nicholas. ''l's. a member ob dis house an rse go, righ, ter de flo'."
 "Bu, ye haven't got right 10 the whole of II intoirly.'
 "Yer'd better go an learn ter speak Arkansas fore yer tries ter gin 'struc- tons in dis 'sembledge."
 ''Tis the same as English that spake and no nager can stand fornins, me"
 "Mr speechmakef. l arises ,es ques- ton ob prbiledge. I wants ter know sah, ef de Chinamen is g~ine ter run dis community. De uddef day got one ob de gentlemen ter wash my shirt while l laid in bed, an' dat accounts fir de fack da, wasn', heah yis,edy."
 -Auah for the Chinaman 1" exclaimed Mike.
 "Mr. Spccehmaker, ef yer doan make da, furriner keep his mouf shef, dar' $ gwine Ter bca season ob ribulation hang in round desc prcmises- When dat shirt was fo,ched home, l foun' da' 1t was wore out an wasn', huen ter var. Nov wha, wants IS izw ter dribe desc men ouien heah. case den 1 can fo,ch my wife heah ter wash de clothes ob dis town
 'Mis,her spaker. hiyn, sad much durin' dis session
 ..ier amt said noshin', ba; yer's talked a heap
 .'Dry up. ye chaTcoaled son of Africa. hisin', talked much, sor, and wan; sn appropriation for the irish paple ,ha, hiv suffered from the racen, foods
 The Ir.sh people have no. suffered from the aoods." replied she speaker. .'You dolbtiess refer to ,he cerInanAs
 -'It is myself that is thankful for the correction, and therefore move that the sympathy ay this house be ex,inded to the German food sufferers and ,has an appropriation be made to the Irish % they can prepare ihimsilves agains: the foods
 "Dz, would be a 6ne bill" said old