davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
PITH AND POINT.

The report comes from New York
that the dudes are taking to drinking
absinthe. Sh! don't say a word; alb.
sinthe is said to be fatal in three years.
Rochester IN. ~ Express.
A little boy, disputing with his sis.
ter on some subject, exclaimed: cts
true; for ma says so; and if ma says so,
it is SO, whether it is so or not"
"A Boston school girl can not be
made to speak of overalls. She prefers to
call them super-omnes. Now let some
of those wild Western sheets again
sheer at u culture, if they dare!-
Boston transcript.
"A man who paid a plumber $500
for putting the water on every floor OF
his house, said when the kitchen chin.
ney caught fire the engine company did
the same job without charging him a
cent.-Chicago Times.
An enthusiastic country exchange
remarks: ''The hills and valleys are
carpeted with the verdant growing
crops" A neat idea. The carpet.
strictly speaking, is of the ingram va
riety.-PHsburgh Telegraph.
-Ice-cream is now made from kao.
lin, a white clay, sweetened with glu-
cose and favored with chemicals, and
yet, Notwithstanding all this extra
trouble, it is sold at the same price as
the old-fashioned kind.-PAiladezDhio
NeWs.
-"My case is just here" said a
citizen to a lawyer. ''The plaintiff will
swear that I hit him. I will swear that
Ibid not. Now what can you LAWYERS
make out of that if we go to trial?" ga
hundred dollars easy" was the reply.
m Y. Independent.
"A conundrum constructor. whose
name is unknown to fame, has found
out by experience the difference be-
tween a sweetheart and a wife is almost
akin to the difference between a gold
headed cane and a wart on your nose.
You carry the one around with YOU
because you like to and the other be-
cause you've got to.-M Y. CONNER
c5at Advertiser.
"A schoolmistress of Yreka, CAL.
while on her way to school was attacked
by an Infatuated steer. ''She seized the
animal by the horns and held him until
help came" The next day she saw a
rat in the school-room, when she hasti-
~ gathered her skirts about her, jump
ed up on a desk, and yelled murder. A
rat has no horns for a woman to grab
hold of.-N0r7istown Herald.
An ambitious Burlington woman
ordered a new poke bonnet: .sMake
the bonnet as big as the price" In
about q week q hay wagon, hayine
scared all the street cars off the track,
on its way, halted and drew up in front
OF her house with a thing on it so much
bigger than the block Ethat the woman
couldn't keep it in town without paying
storage to the city.-Burlimqton Hawi2S
eYe.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
her, though they were brown md -
ed men. s1V Dear,

ed men. oeardS
81 saw them all, Mary.n aid
ma, impressively, "sitting aros gasnd
campfire. tried to get 70 the vund
the Jungle was SO thick that Ico vM; bu4
1 called them, but they only said n. not.
wind is rising;;' and once, when I hr Ing
a dry twig, they said: There is &, or ,o!S
beast near Oh, it all seemed 50 ro WIG,
Grandma stopped to laugh ana;'
though l do not believe that tho saln,
which she wiped away were ent ieass|
caused by her laughter. fely
And then," she continued, .Ibo,.,
a terrible roar. and looking aronn earal
what do you suppose 1 SAW IT, @-
Tabby and all the kittens, but they Sss|
all turned into ferocious tigers. nag nay
were crouching, just ready to snr sua|
upon the boys-my boys" said gfanG
ma, with a little CULVER in her yo;oa
though she laughed at the idea. ~'
"But, Mary, what do you sunno,.
Tabby did? She lifted up one r pss
and pointed right at your father pow as;
she said-oh dear, it just kills ma a1 ~
think of it!--she said: There! 1 thinI y
that one is the prettiest; we'll save him
but kill all the others. All sprinp non
when I do Yes, Mary, Tabby re aTw
did say that. But that blessed littjIs
tiger-cat, Mary, she looked up into h,
mothers face, just as you did into mine
and said, oh SO pityingly: % NANNY
let's save them all! But Tabby sa;a,,
Seven boys in one house! Wiy, II.
enough to distract a person to think ~
it; their noise would drive one wild.
and, besides, they would eat us out q
house and home
"Why, Tabby must have understood
every word that l said,' said Grandma
Thompson, as eagerly as if she were
telling a real incident, ..she repeatedmy
very words almost"
Then Grandma Thomson recollected
herself, and she and Mary laughed n
concert. "And the little tiger.cat,
Mary, she said: But the poor mother'I
miss them SOL and, Mary. did YOU eve,
hear of such a thingp Tabby turned
right around and looked at me anl
said: Pooh! she won't care; she can,
count, and if she has one left, it will b.
all the same to her. Oh, the idea Of
such a thing as a mother having to coun
to know whether she has all her chill
dren or not!
"Wcll, Mary" said Grandma Thomp
son, after a long and solemn pause
during which her indignation SCENE,
to be struggling with her amusement
81 can't have seven cats in the house
really I can't; but I'll keep two-th,
little tiger and one other. But I an
sure, l shall never think again that
mother doesn't know whether she ha
lost any of her children or not, becaus
she cant count them. Kate Laurence
IN IouM's COMPANION.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
the war a Masonic Lodoe

during the war a Masonic Lodge At
fredericksburg, Va, was sacked, and
among the articles carried off was the
silver level of a Senior Warden, which
was undoubtedly used by Washington.
who was a member of the lodge. This
interesting weapon was deposited
among the archives of Integrity Lodge,
OF Philadelphia, by Captain Warren j.
Young, a former member, together with
a memorandum stating that it was to be
returned to the Fredericksburg Lodge
latter the State of Virginia, as a whole,
ceases to be in rebellion against the
Government Of the United States" The
relic was overlooked until a few weeks
ago, when a newly elected Secretary
discovered it, and after a ~fraternal cor
respondence with his Southern breth.
rem, returned It to Observation-Disclosures
Record.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
How Jessie Helped Mamma.

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle! That was the
telephone bell. Mamma dropped Neddy
and her sewing, and ran downstairs.
"Halloo! Is that you, papa?"-"Yes
of course, all right" Good bye,"
said mamma; then she rang off, and
went upstairs again.
"Papa has just sent word that Aunt
Kate and Uncle Joe are in town, and
will be here at dinner" she said to
Lucy. "The cook is sick in bed, and (
must make a cake to eat with the frozen
custard: Jessie can go down stairs with
me, and you must take ear of Neddy
until l come back"
All right, mamma, said Lucy, "but
1 wish | could help you make the.
cake.'
"Some other time, Lucy; but to-day
help mamma by keeping Neddy out Of
mischief"
Me help mamma make cake to-day"
said Jessie, "me and my dolly"
Then they went into the kitchen.
Mamma put her two little helpers in a
high chair, and then got the things
ready for the cake.
some cup of sugar, four eggs, a cup
OF butter, three cups of flour" said
mamma, as she put them on the table,
and two %spoonfuls of baking powder
stirred into the four"
just then the milkman came, and
mamma ran to get the dish for him..
The box of baking-powder stood by the
snowy heap of flour within Jessie's
reach. f,
~ s'pect I must help mamma" she
said. d
Mamma came back soon, stirred up
the cake, poured it into the pan, and
popped it into the oven.
"Uncle Joe always likes cake, and I
think that will be a nice one, don't
you, Jessie"" giving the dear little girl
a kiss on the tip of her tloury nose.
~ think so, too, mamma, cause l
helped"
Pretty soon mamma opened the oven
door. What in the world was the Mat
ter with the cake? Up! up! it was 60
ing, over the top of the pan, higher,
higher, until it dropped down an ran
all over the bottom of the oven.
Mamma was used to Jessie's ways Of
helping; SO she only groaned, and shut
the oven door. Then she looked into
the baking-powder box. 1t was
empty! Jessie had put half a pint Of
baking-powder into three cups of flour!
No wonder the cake tried to climb
ont of the oven. 1t was too late to
make another. Mamma told Uncle
Joe about it. He laughed so hard that
Lucy thought he would choke. Then
he said: IF you will come and be
my cook, Jessie, I'll give YOU three
dollars a week." But Jessie shook her
curly head, and said: "Ican't, cause l
have to help mamma. Our Little Ones.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY,

The goat IS in danger of losing his
main article of diet. A new industry is
the collection of tin cans for melting in
to window weights.
DIR. Freize, a Brazilian physician,
has discovered in the blood of Yellow
fever patients a minute parasite which,
he believes, is the cause of yellow fever.
"A stock company has been formed
in Schuyler, Neb., with a capital stock
of $40, 900, for the purpose of manu-
featuring syrup from the amber sugar.
cane.-Chtcago Tribune.
"A gentleman living in Florida has
patented a process for making sugar
and syrup from cassava, and, after ex-
pertinent, writes that he has no doubt
cassava cultivation will, in a few years,
be the most profitable employment of
the people in that State. Chicago Jour
nal.
"A San Francisco inventor claims to
have constructed a life-saving raft
capable of accommodating 500 passen-
gers. 1t is 108 feet long and twenty
eight feet wide when inflated, yet can
be slowed away under the bulwarks of
q vessel, occupying a space only three
feet wide, three feet high and twenty
eight feet long.
Miss Ada Parker is a girl of
eighteen who lives on a cotton plan
tation two miles from Monroe, La. For
the last four years she has had exclusive
charge of the place, upon which her
widowed mother, sister and two younger
brothers reside, supporting them all by
her own industry. She is her own over
seer. supervising all work done in
person.-N. r. San.
Hay grown west of the Mississippi
is fed in Charleston, after having been
carried 1000 miles. 1t has not been
many years since the idea of profitably
carrying sc bulky a product onetifth
of that distance would have been
laughed at. Since that time freights
for long distances have been mech re-
duced, and farmers have learned how
to put their hay and straw in much
better shape for shipment.-Nicago
Herald.
-''Mr. Serrell, of New York." says
the Philadelphia Press, ''has received
the gold medal of the Lyons (France)
AASsSeeSAAJ I'LL HE 44tOllOlOu III UlC tuUOs
matte Keeling of silk by electricity. Mr..
Serrell went to Lyons some years ago
and won the confidence of the great
capitalists there, getting them to accept
his !abor-saving machinery, which will
work much the same revolution that
was accomplished by the cotton-gin.
The fortunate inventor is still a young
man, and his friends believe he has an
extraordinary career before him."
"A second electric boat has been
launched upon the Thames. 1t is forty
six feet long and can carry fifty pas
sengers. Its motive force lies concealed
in seventy boxes, each of one horse
power stored under the floor of the boat,
and at the end there is a Siemens
dynamo, the spindle of which is con-
tinued so as to form the screw, without
intermediate gearing. A speed of nine
miles an hour car be maintained for six
or seven hours, when the secondary
batteries have to be replenished. There
is no noise, or heat, or smoke, or smell,
or waste, and the machinery takes up
so little room that practically the entire
boat is available for passenger accom-
modations.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
A Happy Ending.

Shortly before seven o'clock yester-
day morning a milk-wagon with red
wheels turned into Charlotte avenue
from Woodward. At the same moment
a milk-wagon with a view of the
Yosemite on the cover turned into
Charlotte from Park.
They met.
The driver of one had a long nose
and a melancholy look. The driver OF
the other had a fat face and was minus
two front teeth.
They stopped.
The driver of one turned red and
green, and his eyes flashed, and his
hair stood up, and there was murder in
his eye. The driver of the other
seemed to sink down into his boots, and
he looked wildly around for a club.
'You hyena" yelled the first.
"You calf!' was the prompt reply.
At that moment a policeman came
up and remarked that if there was anv
row going on he wanted to take a hand
in it.
''I'll crush him!" howled the one
with the long nose
II defy you!' whooped the one with
Cne mlSSluS GeeCu. g..
Then the melancholy driver of the
milk-wagon with red wheels told a
story. He had courted a girl in the
suburbs for five years. They loved and
were engaged. They were to have
been married this fall, but he with the
Yosemite landscape came along,
wearing a new brand of paper collar,
smoking a seventy-fve cent pipe and
using real hair oil on his locks, and he
won the girls admiration and affection.
She had left the old for the new.
"And I'll pulverize him!" howled the
rejected.
"I'n leave him a corpse" chirped the
accepted.
By and by they agreed to leave the
settlement of the case to the officer. and
both made a solemn promise to abide
his decision.
SWELL" said the officer, after DELHI
Grating awhile, ga girl should marry
where she loves. She evidently prefers
a man with two teeth gone to one with
a long nose. Still, the rejected has
taken her on two excursions, oiyen her
a ffty-centfan, and bought more or less
candy. He should have some dam
ages"
"I'll give him three quarts of milk"
announced the lucky man.
"And I'll never take it," said Melan-
choly.
"My decision is that you must allow
him n quarts" remarked the officer.
81 figure his actual damages at three
dollars. but knock off twenty shillings
for the comfort he has taken in spark
ing the girl"
There was a war of words over the
decision, but the one finally gave in.
and the other accepted, and tie milk
changed cans and the men shook hands.
"That's what l like to see," observed
the officer. ''Why should two men
fight over a woman when a little candid
talk and nine quarts of milk will bring
about a happy arrangement. Drive on
my children. and may the cream of
happiness attend you."-DetroN Free
Press.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
GRANDMA THOMPSON'S WONDER.
Full DREAM.

The new kittens lay upon an old Goa
on top of a barrel of shavings in the
woodshed. There were six Of them
perfect beauties; two all black, two
black and white, of no particular
color and one lively little tiger-cat
black and gray with yellow stripes.
"Wel," said Grandma Thompson
when she had admired them duly, eve
will keep one I think this one is thu
prettiest,'' and grandma touched tn,
little tiger-cat with her foretinger; s'bu,
you may choose, Mary. Silas will drown
the others in the mill pond"
"Oh!" Mary looked at Grandm:
Thompson with a vague idea that SHE
adturned into a monster, like the vol
in "Red Riding-Hood," but as grand
mas face wore its usual peaceful aspect,
instead of 30 grandma! what a bic
mouth you've got" Mary ventured t.
say: 90 grandma! why can't we keep
them all! Poor, poor little things!" :
Grandma Thompson laughed one OF
her funny laughs. First she tossed her
head to n side and half shut her eyes,
so that you would not have thought that
she was going to laugh at all, then came
a little scream, another pause, and at
last such a jolly cha! ha! ha! ha-a-a-a!"
that all the merriment of her soul
seemed to be coming out in little bub-
bles.
80 Mary! eve cats in one house!
It's enough to distract a person to think
of it. Why, their noise would drive me
wild, and besides, they would eat us out
of house and home"
"But poor Tahby'u miss them so!''
pleaded Mary.
"Pooh!" said grandma, contempt
uously, ''she won'tcare; she can'tcount,
you know, and if she has one left, it will
be all the same to her." and Grandma
Thompson waddled off into the house to
take her afternoon nap.
Grandma Thompson lay down upon
the wide lounge-it had to be wide, for
grancma was so fat that she reminded
one OF the pictures of Santa Claus-and
little Mary sat down upon q hassock,
with a box of gaudy-colored paper and
q pair OF scissors, to cut ''paper-hash"
for the dolls breakfast.
Pretty soon grandma began to toss
and moan in her sleep, and to wave her
arms wildly. Mary. who had been
taught what she must do when grand
ma did that, went and patted her gent
ly, saying:
''Wake up, grandma! wake up! It's
only a bad dream"
But it seemed to take grandma a long
time to wake up. Even when she had
SO far reused herself as to sit up, she
still kept her eyes shut and moaned.
But when she really was fairly awake.
she laughed until the tears rolled down
her fat cheeks.
80 Mary, Mary, childr' said grand
ma, 81 have had such a dream!''
Mary brought her hassock and sat
down at grandma's feet, to prepare for
the treat which awaited her, for Grand
ma Thompson, who was great dream
er, loved dearly to tell her dreams, and
Mary, who was the only one in the
house who liked to hear them, thouoht
they, were as good al fairy-tales.
~ dreamed" began grandma, .that
we were all in India. At least. the
boys were; I'm sure l don't know where
l was" Grandma Thompson stopped
to wipe her glasses, for her seven sons.
two OF whom slept beneath the daisies
on the hillside, while the rest were in
foreign lands. Were still 'the boys'' to
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
A Counterfeiter's Trick.

eyes, we used to have some very fine
ones to deal WITH" said a retired em-
ploye of the Government Secret Service.
"Of course, you know who Pete Mozart
ney, the counterfeiter, is. Well, what
he can't figure out may be set down as
beyond the possibility of mans work.
There is a bit of his history that I have
never seen in print. Some time ago tho
Treasury Department got together all
the plates they had-plates of all bonds
and Treasury notes-an n printed a book
as big as an atlas. On the first page,
say, they printed the face of a thousand
dollar note, and then on the tenth page
the back of the same note, keeping the
face and backapart so that they couldn't
be cut out and used, for the leaves of
the book were of Government note pa
per, the book being intended for the big
bankers to use in detecting counterfeit
notes and bonds. In order to make it
still more secure against being cut out,
a dark-shaped place was left blank
across the middle of each impression.
swell, Pete got hold of a number of
these books-ten or a dozen at least.
OF, course, they represented a very
large amount of money if they could
only be made available as such. Pete
was equal to the task. Cutting out the
front and the back of a bill, he applied
the paper to a very fine emery stone I'M
til it was worn down to about half
its original thickness. Then he stuck the
two pieces together, and had a genuine
Government note Or bond, saw that the
white dart appeared in the middle of
each side. This Pete fixed by cutting
from a dollar bill a corresponding
piece, which, having been reduced to
the proper thickness, was carefully
pasted over the blank space. Now he
was ready to go to market with his
product"
"How did the Government learn
about this?"
"One day some mutilated currency
was being counted in the Treasury,
when the piece over the blank dart fell
from n of the bills. OF course, in
vestigation followed, and discovery of
the fraud vas made"
"But how did they know Mccartney
did the workP"
"When it was turned over to us men
OF the secret service we recognized it as
Macs kind of a job. You know de-
t%ectives become familiar with a crooks
style of work, and it is almost as impos-
sible for him to do a job without Slip
ping in one of his personal character
istics as it is for a man to disguise him.
self and impose on his mostfamiliar &C
~quaintances."
"What did the Government do to him
when you caught him?"
ttVhat oO,111 thou 1oQ III boI not
made a counterfeit o. an imitation; he
had simply adapted, so to speak, a g en-
uine article, and he had not altered the
denomination of any bill. AS these
were the only things prohibited by the
law, of course they had no case at law
against him. However, at the time he
was captured we found a counterfeiting
plate which we proved he had made
use OF, and he got fifteen years for
that. Washington Letter.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08

"A new law of Missouri allows no.
body to practice medicine unless hold.
ing a diploma from a medical college OK
recognized standing. This statute up
plies also to dentists and bone settlers,
Dealers in patent medicines are requirea
to take out a special liccase.-Sh LoH'N
RepnbLicuu.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
Our Young Folks.
HE COULDN'T SAY "N0!"

o, It was sad and it was strange!
He just WA full of knowledge,
His studies swept the whole broad range
OF High-school and Of College;
| He read in Greek and Latin, too,
Loud Sanscrlt he could utter;
But one small thing he couldntd do
That comes as pat to me and you
As eating bread and butter:
He couldn't say mol" He couldn't say
mol"
I'm sorry to say it was really sol
| When it came to the point he could never say
mol"
Geometry he knew by rote.
Like any Harvard Proctor;
He'd sing a fugue out, note by note;
Knew Physics like a Doctor;
He spoke in German and in French;
Knew each Botanic tables;
But one small word, that you'll agree /
Comes pat enough to you and me,
To speak he was not able:
For he sS sSHlan't say NOT" He couldn't say
IT'S dreadful. of course, but twas really SO!
He'd diddle, and dawdfe. and stutter, but Oh!
And he could fence, and swim, and float,
And use the gloves with ease, too,
Could play baseball, and row u boat,
And hang on q trapeze, too;
His temper was beyon rcbuke,
And nothing made him lose it;
His strength was something quite SUI
perb,
But what's the use Of having nerve
If one can never use it?
He couldn't say mol" He couldn't say
"No!"
If one asked him to come, if ono asked him
He'd diddle, and dawdle, and stutter, but oh!
When Il came to the point he could never say
When he was but a little lad,
In ltfe's small ways progressing,
Or always acquiescing;
Twas such an amiable trait,
To friend as well as stranger,
Tia .i half mn icon n Sios sgr, at last
Before he knew the danger,
And he NN eon!dn' say "No!" He couldn't say
To his prospects, you see, twas a terrible
He'd diddle, and dawdle, and stutter, but oh!
When it came to the point he could never say
And so for all his weary days
NJ The 7,,,a best Of chances failed him;
And never knew what allied him;
He'd go to skate where ice was thin;
He'd join in deeds unlawful;
He'd lend his name to worthless notes,
He'd speculate in stocks and oats;
For he sS s99lan't say mol" he couldn't say
He would veer like q weather-cock turning so
slow;
He'd diddlc, and dawdle, and stuttcr, but oh!
When it came to the point he could never say
mol"
Then, boys and girls who hear my song.
Pray heed it's theme alarming:
Be good, be wise, be kind, be strong
These traits are always charming;
But all your learning, all your skill
With well-trained brain and muscle,
Might just us well be left alone,
II you can't cultivate backbone
To help you in life's tussle,
And learn to say mol" Yes, learn to say
"No!"
Or you'll fall from the heights to the rapids
below!
You may waver, and falter, and tremble, but
oh!
When your conscience requires it, be sure
and shout mol"
Vide A1D0fe.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-09-08
Savannah hoe a biovcl,

Savannah has q bicycler who once
had a race with a railway train in Scot
land. He beat it by more Il Al fifteen
minutes in a race Of forty-se>en miles.
He made no stops, however, as the train
did.-N, O. RicQyune.