Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1883-06-15
NEWS COMNIENTS.

NEWS COMM ENIS.
"Nor Guilty. .
CA1cAGo's dog show is open.
ONO is figuring on a short crop of grain.
N1cEERsoS has gone to look for Captain How
gate.
THERE are 5000 habitual opium eaters in
Chicago.
ILLINOIS manages to keep comfortably drunk
on $50, ,00O,O 900 year.
The adjutanG general of Kansas is named
Tl Moonlight. He is not very brilliant.
"DENSY HANN1F1N, are you there?" ?"-Yankton
Herald. II am, begaud!-Denny Hannifn.
IT is announced that Sara Bernharlt has
become pantomimist Shadow pantomime,
eh?
A COLORADO editor owns right up in print
that he has fought, fed and lied for the coun-
try"
CONVERTING Cherokee Indians to the Mormon
faith is the latest exploit of the polygamous
proselyters.
Miss ALICE HAMMOND runs 300-hen henhery
in Iowa. Hammond eggs is popular food
down there.
The jersey Lilly jumps at the sight Of mouse,
but cottons up to dudish monkey with copper
toed affection.
NORTH PACIFIC stock 522S, preferred 9011s; st.
Paul, Minneapolis e. Manitoba, $l.23M; West
ern Union 87I,
GENERAL SHERMAN talks of Florida trip,
and those Kissimee girls are bracing up their
lips for the onslaught
SUCH sultry weather as we had yesterday
makes man feel like taking off his flesh and
sitting around in his bones.
IT is rumored that an excursion of Kansas
editors are coming to Dakota shortly. Kansas
cyclones are bad enough, but
"GoD only knows, and He won't give it away"
came from the lips of Mandan young lady in
reply to q question the other day.
KATE FIELD is learning to play the banjo,
but Anna Dickinson still clings to the Hamlet
oman breeches and melancholy stare.
The shah of Persia has become raving ma
MAC. This thing Of endeavoring to live with
a whole covey of wives will floor any man.
DAVID DAVIS will deliver Fourth of July
Grafton at Pekin, Ill. Guards will be stationed
to keep boys from crawling under the stage.
EVERY time Guire, of the Duluth Times
prays for rain, he fetches it. The loggers down
there couldn't get along without him very WELL
A BISMARCK 'man has photos Of Maud s. and
Sara Bernhardt in the same trame and alludes
to them as the two fastest females in the uni
verse.
ONE of the most sangunary puns of the sea-
son was perpetrated by the Boston Bulletin, as
follows: "A blooded horse is of course good
gore"
Mrs. BOYLE is the proprietress of Dirty
Woman's Ranch in Montana. Whether the
ranch was named in her honor or not is not
known.
A MINNEAPOLIS man broke marriage engage
ment after noting the wonderful accuracy dis
played by his bstrotbed while throwing q stone
1T = cow. j
JOSH BILLINGS writings are paid for at the
rate of 50 line. E. Lie Perki MS gets considera-
bly more per iyin' than that, but his spelling is
q little better than Jo7h's.
COLONEL JAMES COULTER, a member of the
Tennessee legislature, wears his hair like a
woman, Dan&S anu all, tue S"AGCu uIoppAHS "
his waist when the hair-pius fall out.
MARK TWAIN has been reading selections from
his books for the benefit of a society in Hart
ford What particular grudge lie has against
the unfortunate society is not stated.
The king of the Sand dwich Islands locks him
self up when he gets drunk In this land of
peace and plenty we can afford to keep uni
IL ko otf RI m 1qffera
that nature for rs.
VENNon thinks our farmers will harvest in
their overcoats this season. Vennor, it will be
remembered, is the Canadian son Of Ananias
Who remembering his fathers fate, dcdges
every time he sees flash OF lightning. ..
COLONEL BENNETT a. YOUNG, president of the
Louisville, New Albany and Chicago railroad,
forbids all Sunday labor on that line, and all
running of trains except the mail. He does not
even allow excursion trains to run to camp
meetings. .--r t--
A ST. PAUL man claims to have written Mer-
rick's entire star route speech on the back of
common visiting card. The man gives his name
as Rail, though why he should spell it. back
wards has not been explained up to the hour Of
going to press. --- --.
THE first issue OF new paper ooWn tne Ane
contained an original imitation of q poem en-
titled 'sCome to Dakota, Poor and Needy" 1t
is Just such wild breaks as this that blocks the
wheels of immigration and heads them toward
some other favored land.
In speaking Of one of the editors of the st.
Louis Globe Democrat rival paper says:
'.While suffering from an attack of emprostholo-
nos last Thursday, one of the atramentarious-
besprinkled editors of the q. D. started off an
indeprehensible political asymptote and called
Conkling's last effort an atrabiious speech. He
has earned his vacation and should be permitted
to betake himself to the atmospherology and
uranscopy with which he must be familiar.
,rhe writer is in q dangerous condition but hls
physicians think he may pull through It the
weather doesn't get too hot.