Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-03-08

rent this month pr Cincinnati saturday
Night.
A LEARNED GENTLEMAN.-An Arkan-
saw man, arraigned before a justice of the
peace, became Indignant, and in reply to a
statement made by the magistrate, remark.
ed: "You are liar, sir, you are liar"
"I'n fine you fifty dollars, )" said the justice,
sand if you don't pay the amount immedi-
ately, I'll send you to Jail"
"Judge, do not possess fifty dollars"
"Then take him to Jail, Mr.. Constable"
''Hold on, judge" said the man, thought
fully, "Why am to 60 to Jall"
'sFor calling me liar"
81 meant that you was not liar. l said
twice that you were liar, and If two mega
tives make an affirmative, two alternatives
ought to make one negative"
f1That's fact" replied the Judge. II
used to be good in arithmetic, but have for
gotten great deal. Give me your hand,
Sir Mr.. Clerk, fine the State ten dollars,
and give the money to this learned gentle
man."-Arkaaasa,c Traveller.
QUEER NAME FOR DOG.-Sam Spill
kins is the owner of very fine dog which
accompanies him in his walks. He was
passing Nose Schaumberg's store, on Austin
avenue, when Noses attention was called
to the dog. "Dot ish a sphlendid tog, Mr..
"His name is Peter" "Peter ?" eyes, Pc
ter" "Peter-dot ish very shingular
name, Mr.. Spillkins." ellis real name,
Mr.. Schaumberg, is Jupiter, but 1 always
leave off the Jew part of Jupiter and call
him Peter, on account of the high regard |
have for Israelites as American citizens. l
don't like to use the word Jew in connection
with the name of dog. "Come here, Pc
ter. Do you see how he knows his name?'
Nose beamed all over with joy and made
some pathetic remarks about how much bet
ter the Jews are treated in this country than
in Russia, and Spillkins thinks he has laid
the foundation of trade for a new spring
suit on credit basis.
HE DIDN'T CoME.-"Is it DR.. Terry ?
All, yes, sur, shure it's the doctor that is a
foine man intirely."
"But is he good DOCTOR"
"Well, sur, it's not for the loikes av me
for to be givin' an opinion on midical
man; but I can say this much for him: 1
was wanst at deaths dure, an it was to DR..
Terry, no less, that owe me loife."
~-"How was that What was the matter
with youw
eye see, sur, had complication of dis
eases, an two other doctors did be WOrkin,
on me fur some time, and I was in moigh-
ty bad way, and the two doctors they, give
me up and went away, an then me frinds
they STINT for Dr. Terry, but he had another
engagement, an he didn't conae."
HOME FROM THE FAIR.-"Did you have
year?" asked the farmers city friend.
''Yes, somewhat" he slowly answered.
"Did you get any premiums?" "N-n-o, not
yet, family, replied the granger. "Why,
what's the trouble? sympathizingly said the
young man. "Wa'al, I'll tell you, sir.
You see, I had some fine oats at the fair
and the jockeys took 'em for horse feed
the old woman had fancy bed-quilt there,
but the rascals used it for horse-blanket; {;
judges ate it up for dessert one Gay. l
kicked uparow and the managers said they
would give me a diploma; so that's what
Pm waiting for"
GRATITUDE.-"Be you DIR. Hamilton ?"
asked a cOuntrynaan who had dropped In at
the Office of the eminent New York surgeon.
''That's my name," responded the doctor
"Well, I thought as was in town for day
or two, I'd Jest call round and thank ye."
sYou're very kind, but I was not aware
that you were under any obligations to me-"
"That's what came to tell ye about. It's
this way: I'd been sick for more'n three
year with the rheumatic, all the time a
groanin' and a cussin and groWlin', but
the very lulHlU sec SOuI Jill lO1 llofCiih
around our late President, Doc, 1 got we'll
You can't spar no time to come out and take
q drink, canye?"
p@'I saw you at the funeral the other
day." said one lady to another yesterday.
"Yes; saw you, too" II never heard a
more affecting funeral sermon; did you?"
"Never. And just think of it, when every
one was crying reached for my handker-
chief and found that it was red one had
in my pocket" Goodness! What did
youdo?'5~ "Why, didn't cry. How could
when every one else was using white" "'
A MATTER OF FAcT.-Little Eva, five
years old, goes to visit her grandparents
in the country. The morning after her ar
rival her grandmother asks her if she has
said her prayer. "Oh," replies the child,
'I do that at night when 1 60 to bed"
"But YOU should thank God in the morning
for the good sleep he has given you"
''But, grandmother" objects the young phi
losopher, 81 didn't sleep last night"'
@ When he had called the meeting to Or
der, Brother Gardner seand said: "Gen'-
len, if it wasn't for de wheels on wagon
de wagon wouldn't move. When dewheels
is on, den what ?" "Grease" solemnly ex-
claimed an old man. "Kerrect!" whispered
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