The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-09-14
W.T. Ara iiUM0R.

The potato with all its eyes is the
most susceptible OF vegetables. 1t is so
easily mashed.
A cruel husband calls his wife '.grcen
fruit" because she never agrees with
him.
A new novel is named 'One Word"
1t is unnecessary to state that the au-
thor is q man.
Cynical Spanish prOverb that, after
all. may not be without some Justice:
"A wOman's tears cost little but bring
her muchr'
Rhode Island wants law against
snoring. They think it's all wrong that
one man should disturb the whole
State.
A New Yorker calls Chicago an ''Out-
| lying town" The title may he de-
served, but there are number of towns
in the west that can outlie it.
A Professor was lecturing on AFTER
Man-What?' A listener remarked
that it was generally "the sheriff, or
some other woman"
James New, of Norwich. named his
first-born Something; it was Something
| New. The next he called Nothing; it
being Nothing New.
| A new book OF travel has just been is
sued entitled Travels with Il Donkey"
All, ha? Somebody has been taking a
jaunt with Oscar Wilde.
Forty suits for damages are all ready
to open out against the big Brooklyn
bridge. That is right. The bridge was
built to support the people.
A daring robbery was accomplished
on Main street yesterday in broad day
light. A Harmony township farmer
had three photographs taken.
1t is sail .'at Mr.. John L. Sullivan
can't fight any more than FIVE or six
rounds. 1t might also be said in this
connection that Mr.. John l.. Sullivan
doesn't have to.
| An impetuous youth in Indiana, with
the appropriate name of Goslin. saw Il
girl ut church. woocd her there for two
| hours, and ut the end of the third hour
had married her.
They are making a chain nj Troy six
miles long. This will give some young
man Il chance To wear four watch
| chains across his vest and beat the
double chain chaps clear ont of sight
There are over 5000 lawyers in the
| United States. and the Drummer is not
nearly so much surprised that truth
should be crushed To- earth us that il
should rise again.
| II takes but thirteen minutes to lead
an elephant on Il train, while il takes
| twenty for any sort OF woman 10 Kiss
her friends good-by and lose the check
for her trunk.
Loss of sleep. it is said, is making
men small and puny. That is ii fact. just
| look ut the difference in the physique OF
a delicate scholar and the robust night
policemen. =:
Foole. being once ANNOYED BY Il poor
| fiddler straining harsh discarsi* under
| Ills window, sent him shilling. with
| the request THAT he would play else
where. as one scraper ut the door was
sufficient.
1t is asserted that choppng off dogs
tail will seriously impair his oversight.
Some folks may believe it, but you can't
talk that nonsense to n chap who has
been sighted in n melon-patch by 4 bob
tailed dog forty rods away.
Said the citizen of the country town,
whose house was aiirc: .'For heavens
sake get the two fire companies to fight
ing and then we may be able to save
something. If they get in here they'll
DESTROY everything
''Sandcsl Strawberries is 4 new game
which is Played at the table when the
strawberries have been properly pre-
pared for the palate. The game is to
guess whether the sand came with the
berries or the sugar.
"A skeleton has been found in the old
cnn mansion, in Philadelphia. We
suspect the remains will be recognized
As those OF Il ligliinin%-rod peddler who
has been missing nearly two hundred
years. i
The principal of Il Massachusetts in
land academy saw fit To cXpel one of his
boys, who then wrote home to his father
in justification of his course: IL got eX-
PEELED for riding with the girls, but |
took the neatcst, cleancst, pretticst girl
there was in town.
A Philadelphia girl complains tha,
she got into such Il chill while out
slcighing last winter that she has been
in poor health ever since. Experience
teaches dear school. Next time she
will know enough not to 90 slcighriding |
with her own brother.
Il detest slang phrases said an old
lady TO the pastor. respectfully when |
USED by women. Why, the other day |
heard n girl say that she had tliried
with fellow. and made Il mash. She |
thought didn't know what she meant. |
but tumbled to il, I'LL the same.
'.Pa. did YOU hear that report tina,
got ont last ni@ht?" .'What report. my |
son?" THE report of Il pistol. The |
oil man was arrested for chasing the |
boy with hatchct. but was discharged
when the facts were made known with |
the advice to kill him mex! time.
ii IKE company well enough" said |
Mrs. Planetung; '.but I'm not going tc
put myself out too much. | believe in |
looking after ones own comfort first"
THAT is To say" remarked Fogg, THAT |
you follow the custom Of the shop sign |
and put your company last"
The average young lady wants AT
least four feet of seat i'm Il street ear for |
ride of six blocks, but she will ride |
half day Sunday sque,ued into Il bug
gy-scat beside her young man AMI not |
find the least fault. Why are they SO
inconsistent?
Upon reaching Newport the Princess
Louise found that the hotel accommo-
dations were not sufficiently stylish to
suit II daughter of England's Queen, but
the landlords all say that if she had
given them two days notice they would |
have painted 4 British flag on the back
of every cockroach.
Some clever young ladies have in
vented Il new plan for securing hus-
bands. They 90 out boating with the
man of their choice, contrive to upset |
the boat. and then grab him and save
his life. The victim, in the first burst |
of gratitude and admiration, generally |
makes the desired proposal to his hero
ic preserver.
The secretary of the navy is going to
sell score or two of condemned gov
eminent vessels, II Mrs. TOOdles is
partial to brio-a-brac, here is splendid |
opportunity to add a few articles of
'.bigOtry and virtue" TO her collection.
And how handy it would be to have q
few old gunboats in the house!
Tho keeper Of a New York prison
charges prisoners fifteen dollars week
board. He must be laboring under the
idea that the prison is summer resort |
hotel. Such an outrageous charge is
enough to induce a poor man to lead an
upright life and not patronize his old