Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1883-02-03
HIS PA GOES CALLING.
Peck's Sun.

HIS PA GOES CALLING.
Peck's Sun.
"Say. Won are getting too alfred
smart" said the grocery man to the bad
boy as he pushed him into a corner by
the malOsses barrel, and took him by the
neck and chOked him so his eyes stuck
out. you have driven away several of
my best customers, and now, cOnfOund
you, l am going to have your life," and
he took up cheese knife and began to
sharpen it on his boot.
whats the-gurgle- matter" asked
the choking boy, as the grocery mans
fingers let up on his throat little so he
could speak. 81 haint done nOthin'."
Didn't you hang up that dead gray
tom cat by the heels in front of my
store with the rabbits l had for sale?
didn't notice it until the minister call
ed me out in front of the store, and
pointing to the rabbits asked what good
fat cats were selling for. BY crimus,
this thing has got to stop. You. have
got to move out Of this ward or will"
The boy got his breath and said il
wasn't him that put the cat there. He
said it was the policeman, and he and
his chum saw him do it, and he'd just
come in to tell the grocery man about
it, and before he could speak he had his
neck nearly pulled off. The boy began
to cry, and the grocery man told him he
was only joking, and gave him box of
sardines, and they made up. Then he
asked the boy how his pa put in his
New Years, and he sighed and said:
"We had a sad time at our house New
Years. Pa insisted on making calls,
and ma and me tried to prevent it, but
he said he was of age, and guessed
he could make calls if he wanted to, so
he looked at the morning paper and got
the names Of all the places where they
were going to receive. and he turned
his paper collar and changed ends with
his cuffs, and put some arnica en- his
handkerchief, and started out. Ma told
him not to drink anything, and he said
he wouldn't, but he did. lie was full
the third place he went to. o, so full.
Some men can get full and not show it,
but when pa gets full, he gets so full his
back teeth float, and the liquor crowds
his eyes out, and his mouth gets loose
and wiggles all over his face, and he
laughs all the time, and the Derspira-
tion Just OOzes out of him, and his face
gets red. and he walks SO wide. o, he
disgraced us all. At one place he wish
ed the hired girl happy New Year more
than twenty times, and hung his hat on
her elbow, and tried to put on a rubber
hall mat for his 0vershOes. At another
place he walked upon lady's train and
carried away card basket full of ban.
anas and oranges. Ma wanted my chum
and me to follow pa and bring him
home, and about dark we found him in
the door yard of house where they
have statues front of the house, and he
grabbed me by the arm, and mistOOk
me for another caller and insisted on
introducing me to a marble statue with
out any clothes on. He said it was a
friend of his and it was winter picnic.
He hung his hat on an evergreen, and
put his Overcoat on the iron fence, and
| was so mortified / almest cried. My
chum said if his pa made such a circus
of himself he would sand bag him. That
gave me an idea, and when we got pa
most home l went and got a paper
covered with red, so it looked just like
a brick, and bottle of tomato ketchup,
and when we got pa up on the steps. at
home hit him with the paper brick,
and my chum squirted the ketchup on
his head, and we demanded his money,
and then he yelled murder. and we lit
out, and ma and the minister who was
making a call Oh her all the afternoon,
they came to the door and pulled pa in.
He said he had been attacked by a band
of robbers, and they knocked his brains
out, but he whipped them, and then ma
saw the ketchup brains OOzing out OF
his head, and she screamed, and the
minister said, "GOOd heavens, he is muir
dered," and just then came in the back
door, and they sent me after the doctor,
and they put pa on the lounge, and tied
up his head with a towel to keep the
brains in, and pa began to snore and
when the doctor came in 1t took half an
hour to wake him, and then he was
awful sick to his stummiek, and ma
asked the doctor whether he would live,
and the doctor analysed the ketchup,
and smelled of it, and told ma he would
be all right il he had little Worcester
sauce to put on with the ketchup, and
when he said pa would pull through ma
looked awful sad. Then pa opened his
eyes and saw the minister and said that
was one of the robbers that jumped on
him, and he wanted to whip the minis-s
ter, but the doctor held pas arms and |
ma SAL on his legs. and the minister
said he had got some other calls to make |
and he wished me happy new year in |
the hall much as fifteen minutes. His |