The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1883-06-05

s..s.....4...:..e III .I-sisl : SaoS
Mr. Spoependyke Forgets That 1t Is
Wash Day.
From the Brooklyn Eagle.
Say, my dear whispered Mr. Spoop
sndyke. closing the door carefully and
approaching bis wife with broad grin
On bis visage. r"Say, my ndear, Speekler,
woule's down stairs in the psrlor. He
has come to take dinner with usr'
"Great graciousw exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopend, ke, dropping her work and
busting up to the glass to anangeaker
hair. aWhat did he come to day for n
Don't he know It's wash da, p
"He csme for dinnerp' retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, turning pale around the
lips. uWhat dye s'pose he came for,
to be washed !? What's wash day got to.
do with it7 Think the man can be
shakedssa tub and hung over clothes
line With 1leasly wooden pin astride
the small of his hack2. Well, he didn't,
he came for grub. and you want to hus-
tie around and get it pretty lively for
him, or I'll begin to serve up things my
self before longr'
"But, my DEAR" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, "there's nothing in the
house! The clothes" T
"Then serve up the clothes y roared
Mr. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for
gotten the day or week when he invited
his friend, and now wanted his wife to
get him out of the scrape somehow, and
at the same time not let him down With
Specklewottle. "Just. put the clothes
on platter and set 'em before him =
You can explain to him that we only
eat three times week, like dog in hot
weather! That'll satisfy him, SO long
as be has the clothes to eat! - 2
"You don't imagine he would want to
eat the clothes, do your" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, innocsntly."
"Just try him !" yelled Mr. Spooped-
dyke, enraged at the idea of being taken
literally. . s ~ aars.
"Just try him and sling in some oil
the natural grace you always put on at
the table! tMrl' Specklewottle. have
some OF the fricaseed petticoat and
Mrs Spoopendyke held out the legs, ,oi
his trousers as woman holds her skirts
and wal,zei around the room. "sMr.
CoooLlo-oftio hoyo n l;ftlo 80 THE v,1aoh
ed nightshirt. Now, Mr. Specklewottle,
do try one Of these friend socks and q
slice OF The pillow sham! Dear Mr..
Specklewottle, pray let me help you to
a piece of this shirt collar, and pair
OF stuffed cuff | made them myself,
and though they are not as good as
that's the way to do it," continued Mr..
Spnopendyke, suddenly concluding his
remarks with u war whoop and present.
ing himself before his wife all out O:
breath. "Think you've got that bill OF
fare all right? See your way clear to a
successful dinner party now p
"There's some cold shad down stairs,
and think there is a raw ham in the
cellar" ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke,
regarding her husband with startled
look of inquiry, as il asking if he
thought Specklewottle would mind the
meat being raw and the & !h trifle cold.
IL don't think he has anything on Mon,
days except cabbage aed beans. Or,
perhaps, he may have donghnuts and
pie" she continued, hastily, seeing her
husband swelling with a retott. Sand
I'm sure doughnuts and pie are good "
"That's what he wants .howied Mr.
Spoopend,ke. "Bring forth the shad
that froze to death. in the house OF
Spoopendvke! Develop the measly BAN
quet aud let joy be unconfned Ain'l
We got any more sense than bunghole
Think I'm going to bring the aris,ocra
cy here to fatten on dead fish and live
hogs2 How long are you going to lei
that man SIT down stairs in state of
starvation? Where's that roast OF beef
I brought home the other day?"
IL think We ate that all up the day it
came," sighed Mrs Spoopendyke. "Do
you mean that roast with the ,.queer,l.t-
tie sticks in II p
"The same," replied Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, nerving himself for another or.
deal. "Dld we eat the sticks7 Am j
to understand that there is not one little
dodgasted stick left of all that affiaent
righteousness Lift the itnpeue,rable
veil OF obscurity off the secluded, bower
Of the shrinking sticks be yelled, as it
dawned on him that Specklewottle was
in the parlor waiting to be fed. and that
the social problem was no nearer solu'
tior than when he started, "Let Us un,
ravel the mystery that bangs like pal
over the fate of the unhappy sticks, thai
they. may come forth and fructify Speck:
lewottle." and in the excess of his emo
ton Mr.. Spoopendyke gasped fol
breath, and resting his hands on bis
knees looked as IL he were inviting bis
wife to little game of leapfrog.
"There's some lettuce in the house
and bought some strawberries to-day
and could cook the steak had saved
over for breakfast" murmured Mrs
Spoopendyke, coming out triumphantly
In the end, woman like. "And l will
put on my new wine colored satin, an6
we will give him nice supper" nd
"Going to put that wine colored satin
on the shad or the ham p howled Mr.,
Spoopendyke, who had mans idea tha
dinner is not dinner until it's roast
ed "Think brought that man here a
O'Clock in the afternoon to take break
fast ? Got some kind of a. notion tina
cold fish, raw ham, wormy lettuce, greer
strawberries and fried COW are going
to satisfy the cravings OF a man who
has just won bet OF dinner on'-bu
here Mr.. Spoopendyke stopped Short
The last revelation was unintentional.
"Was it bet dear ?" asked Mrs
Spoopendyke, opening her eyes 10 as
tonishment. "Did-y bring Mr.. Speck
lewottle home here on beti If l ha'
known that and you had given me time
l would have had nice supper for you
don't suppose that he would care 70
a cold neal under the circumstances.
really think"
"That settles it," "squealed Mr.. Spoor
endyke, mad at himself for what ho ha
divulged, and angrier still as he saw tbs
be must explain to Specklewottle ho'
he was fixed. "When you commence t
think the free list is entirely suspended
Some flau xhan I natnh uon thlnkinl