National Republican., 1883-09-01

| enc goes W church to show it..
| -Dfodcrd IN the Judge.
JOSEPH JEFFERSON has gone, for the first
time, to Rip Van Wrinkles ground In the catskilis,
OUT west the cellar is the place to 20 in
| time Of cyclones and when man has barrel of
cider In the cellar it's surprising how many times
| a day he thinks there's q Cyclone coming.
| A GREAT deal of fuss is made because tho
| Pennsylvania legislature does not resign. Whom
| II is considered that the members are drawing SO
o day, it looks as though they might already be
resigned.
THE last word Uncle Remus has to say
about Brer RABBIT has wide application: "Bless
yo soul, honey Brer RABBIT mout er bin kinder
fbbe in de legs, but he want no ways cripple und'
de hat"
| Ex-CoMMIssIoNER OF AGRICULTURE LIE
DUO thinks domestloated ostrlches will soon be
| preferable to mules for street car service, and
when worn out will be valuable for beef This
beats Le Dues ten.
JENNIE JUNE is slender and weak eyed,
and no longer youthful. She has contract with
her husband providing that each of them shall
| furnish halfthe household expenses. But she does
most of the work, just the same
The education Of children is apretty badly
botched affair at best, but when parents aud
teachers conspire against the health and life OF a
| bright child who needs muscle and stamina moro
| than mental culture, there can be but one result.
AS THE Count Of Chambord was dying his
father confessor, raising his hand upward, said,
ascend to Heaven, son of Saint Louis" If he is
| like most of the sons Of Saint Louis he will fnd
on reaching the gate that he had his labor for his
| pains.
THE prevalence of lynch law is the out
| growth of our cumbersome and uncertain system
| OF criminal practice. Give us simpler methods
and swifter justice, aud law and order will re-
sumo their dominion" exolaims the Kansas City
Journal.
AN Iowa judge has refused to divorce q
woman who asked for release from a drunken
husband upon the grounds that she knew he was
n drunEard before she married him, and having
elected TO become tho wife of u drunkard she must
abide by her choice.
PRESBYTERIAN meeting house In Minue-
sofa became so infested with bed bugs that the
| congregation had to take vacation while the
sexton burned up the carpet, cushions, and pulpit
This shows the evil effect of sleeping in church,
Burlington Free Press.
SECRETARY FoLGER is rusticating on the
shores of Seneca lake, clad in flannel shirt and
siouch hat. The other day two young chaps mis-
took the judge for fisherman, had him fetch
them boats and tackle and offered him quarter
before finding out who they were talking TO.
THE New York dinner appeals to both eye
and tongue, being dazzling and rich. At one din
ner wicked man gave Il toast to pretty, painted
lady, well waxed and puttled:
l I'LL the cup
To one made up--
! And forgot the rest.
I "Do YOU return home?" inquired FROST
bitten vacatonist to a friend at the summer hotel.
Return home soon? Well. l gue's do. haven't
| pttap ,I,,I "a A.
month of August I'm going home to start up the
| furnace, kin'ile a fire in the CRATE and have my
| winter oyercoat fixed up"
A FULL BLooDED negro in Logan county,
Arkansas, is gradually becoming white H. has
beautiful white epidermis all over his body, ex-
| cept his face, which has mo,tled appearance,
being vet full of thu small dark spots sur.
rounded by white skin. This deterioration or
shedding of the black skin has been going on for
many years.
A PATENT medicine manufacturer died in
New York last week. Before he died his friends
asked him how he would like to be buried He
had just sire myth len to say, Insert top col
umn next to reading matter iifty-two times electro
by mail" and then he clused his eyes and passed
away to that bourne where theri are no ON sci ms
nor wrong Insertions SJEngs.
SIR WILLIAM ARMSTRONG, tho great gun
maker, has Drnnched out in n new line and advo.
Gates the passage of II law on the Malthnsian
theory, limiting the number OF children in fam
lily. Sir william Armstrong hns been llborlng
for lifetime to reduce the population of the
world. He can continue the manufacture of can
| non, but he should belay on his jaw tackle.
CLARA BELL, moralizing over the assertion
that, thoGga n m IN may have on II somewhat
shabby suit, he still looks well dressed. provided
his hat is glossy, says that the rule olds also with
women. Many shop girl is cute enough to In
vest all of her spare money In hats and bonnets
and thus is attractive while going and coming
from her work, though her garments are the worse
for wear.
AN Austrian scientist has succeeded in
lighting up the inside of mans body for the pur-
pose of facilitating the performance of surgical
| operations. 1t is expected that patent medicine
manufactures will now furnish electric light
with each bottle of m ,dlcne, so that the pur-
chaser can illuminate his inside to sec that tho
only genuine liver rejuvenator is not tampering
with his lung or his never dying soul.
AT the close of the engagement of the
| George Edgar company at HOoey's theater in
Chicago, Miss Sara Jewett went to Edgar and said:
| Here is the little sum OF money have received
| from our Chicago engagement; want you to d.
| vide it among the company" She said she had
provided Ave members of the company with means
| to get back to New York and had managed TO pay
her dressmaker's BILL she still had her diamonds,
which she was willingt hypothecate in case there
were members of the company who could no,
otherwise get back home. The breakup Of the
company was one of the most complete and dis
astrous known 10 the history Of dramatic failures.
Miss Jeweu and Mr.. Hooley seem to have acted in
the capacity of good angels TO the entire company
The Chicago Ners, in summing up the story, shows
a knowledge of actors and their weaknesses. "The
wear and tear of the Edgar management" says the
NetDs, ''wore Uncle Dick Hooley completely out
the old gentleman is sick abed at home. Aud yet
It Is more than probable that the very people he
gave money to buy railway tickets to New York
are now standing around in Union square abusing
him"
IL HAVE said something" writes t. O.
Crawford to the Chicago NeiOS, about the great
unpopularity of Judge Hilton, but hear more
and more Of It the longer stay. He is perfect
tyrant. The story Of his domineering is long.
The clerks of the Grand Union, IL they chance to
leave their office moment, can bo made to turn
pale as ghosts by some crying out the judge is
coming. IL was not long ago that Lothian, the
| musical director OF the concerts at the Grand
Union, approached Judge Hilton and asked him
| TO set date for the customary benefit OF the di-
rector. Hilton stared at him as he said: Who
are your Lothian, your musical director"
"How dare you speak tomel tits enough for you
that you have the privilege ofplaying here" The
gossips say that Hilton has matters so arranged
that Mrs. Stewart win make him her heir, He
| tad from fa