The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-01-26
SPLINTERS.

The Mik-ado of Japan must be Irish.
The name gives him away.-[Plainfeld
Bulletin.
1t is good rule to be deaf when q
slanderer begins to talk
For some inexplicable reason the
Washington papers don't print the po-
lice court reports under the head of So
ciety news Boston Post.
Fogg says he was never baptized, but
he went TO church where there was a
sprinkling of sinners in the congrega-
tion and he was one of them.
To be sure of good weight-Go to the
barber shop Saturday night. f James
town Leader
The boy who said soda water tastes
like your foot's asleep. now says weiss
beer is thawed sandpaper.
A writer in Lippincotts Magazine
says; "Woman is primarily being who
listens" and graceless and libelous
wretch at our elbow says: "Yes, at a
keyhole."
When girl is married she is won.
You can't blame her husband for look
ing out for number won.- Boston
Transcript
'1'll make you Dance cried an irate
mother, pursuing her erring son, slipper
in hand. "Then, remarked the iuven-
lie, "we shall have bawl."
A devil fish with arms thirty-two feet
long has been caught off the banks of
Newfoundland What a splendid field
for vaccination l-[Oil City Derrick.
Thomas Hood, driving in the country
one day, observed a notice beside a
fence, beware of the dog" There not
being any signs Of dog, Hood wrote
on the board, "Ware be the dog?"
The statement may be paradoxical,
but there are persons who cant sing and
yet they do.
If one dog can be placed on a scent,
how many dogs can be placed on a
trade dollar?- N. Y. Mail and Express.
An amateur journalist at Elkhart,
Ind, announces that the purpose of
his paper is "to restore to the public
its wonted grandeur and prosperity"
incidentally, he will receive subscrip-
tions at fifty cents year.
"Kind words can never die" How
bitterly does man realize that terrible
truth when he sees all the kindest
words he ever saw in his life glaring at
him from his published letters in a
breach of promise suit.
An accordion is like the vain. glori-
GUS man. He can be drawn out easily
enough, but the trouble begins when
you try to shut him up.
An Iowa grocer hid $500 in a tea
chest over night to keep it from thieves
and yet man who didn't want any
thing but tea broke into the store and
stole that very chest.
"Pay as you go" is good advice, and
does very well for the man who doesn't
60 very much Lowell Citizen.
"Too much absorbed in his busi-
ness was the comment of Wes-
tern newspaper ON the death of brew
er who was drowned in a tank of his
own beer.
1t is stated that only 400 cedars of
Lebanon remain. How many were
there and where are the seceders.
A taste for music, when exhibited bv
young persons, is certainly commenda.
BILE, but don't start them off with
drum.
-Four hundred people are employed
in the Philadelphia mint, and all are
making money.
"Boy, I'll teach you to tear your
pants" said an irate parent, swinging a
strap; "Tll teach you" ''Don't hit me,
pa; know how all ready. Just look
at en-"
Patti offered to sing in Petersburg,
Va, for $4,000. The citizens pledged
ber S4O0 and ton of peanuts, but
the gulf was too wide. They let her
60.
Under the head of 'Musical," a
Cleveland paper gives an account of a
horse trot. Presume it was an attempt
to beat time Boston Post.
"Well," said an Irish attorney, "if it
PLACE the Coort, if am wrong in this,
have another point that is equally
conclusive.
When Richard III was "himself
again" we of course know who he was
but who was he when he was not him
self"