Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-04-23

The rule of three: For the third person
to clear out.
If you don't want to lose your gun,
never let it go off.
Don't you think the bride is foolish that
she never marries the best man?
The best fire escape is when your wife
gets up in the morning and makes it.
When mans constitution is run down
he can never wind it up with whiskey.
Don't despise thing because it's little.
A quart jug will hold more than most
men.
The new Chinese paper is referred to
as ''our esteemed pig-tailed contempo-
rary."
A modern philosopher thinks that early
rising is well enough as far as bread is
concerned.
The American peace society has about
$50, 900 on hand-enough to have a glori-
ous fight about.
When young man finds himself in a
tight place, he should go out before he
| gets tight himself.
''Be jabers % said an Irishman. "Ive
| slept sixteen hours. l went to bed at
eight and got up at eight"
A bonnet covered with birds does not
| sing, but the fellow who has to pay for it
whistles when the bill comes in.
They tell Of an Ohio woman who is so
| gentle-minded that she has never been
known to have an obstinate cough.
| There is said to be in graveyard in
| Pennsylvania a tombstone inscribed,
"Methuselah Smith, aged one year."
Some of the old railroad men are think
ing of a process to paralyze and petrify
tramps so that they can be used as cross
| ties.
A cute observer remarks that "the mar
who stops his paper to economize is like
man who goes barefoot to save his
Shoes
The queens knee, at latest accounts
is a little better, but her physicians hav,
forbidden her most gracious majesty t.
play foot ball.
Elephants milk may be very nice, bu
the milking must be a mean job. A Gov
can generally kick man across barn
yard as far as he wants to go.
The newspapers often print the ''las
Words of men, but never those of WON
en-. The latter would take too muc
room, and crowd out the advertisements
John Williams of West Virginia insiste
that he could charm a rattlesnake, and hi
friends were so put out about his foolish
ness that only two or three followed hi
remains to the grave.
1t is said that inhaling the fumes c
sulphur will cure catarrh. The cours
which many people pursue in this lif
gives promise that they won't be Athlete
with catarrh in the next.
Thought he knew about it: Medics
professor to raw stndent-sWhere is th
glottis?" II don't know, sir! think yo
put it ON the shelf in the dissecting rool
With the rest of the surgical Instruments
Did yon ever shake hands with a beal
tiful girl about twenty years of age, wht
instead of letting her hand lie in your
like sick fish, gave you good, heart
grasp? If you have, you know what soil
comfort is.
A romping four-year-old boy had bee
! denied some trifling qualification by b
mother, but it did not seem SO trifiing
! him as TO her. So striking an attitu(
before her he said with the utmost gray
ty, ssMother, were you ever a boy?"
} A three-year-old girl impressed h
; parents with her juvenile wisdom the OF
: er night by wording the following praye
D ssBless the food make the baby goot
forgive the sins; bless everything in Il
: house. We thank you for keeping
through the storm, Keep the baby goo
Amen"
An old physician. retired from practice. having
placed in his hands hy an Fast India missionary
formula Of simple vegetable remedy for the spec
: and permanent cure for consumption, bronchitis.
tarIh asthma and all throat and lung affections,
positive and radical cure for nervous debility and
- nervous complaints, after having tested its wonder
curative powers in thousands Of cases. has felt ii
70 duty to make it known to his suffering fellows.
tuaied by Ibis motive and desire to relieve hun
be suffering s send fjee Of charge, to all who des