Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1883-02-01
Review of the Year.


The year just drawn to a close has
contained the usual number of DAYS and
nights, and the Sundays have followed
one ahotner at the prescribed interval
with unfailing regularity. The LENGTH
of the day at different periods of the
twelve month has followed the direc.
lions set forth in the Old Farmers ard
other almanacs-medical or otherwise
with strict impartialitv. Therefore
nothing remains to be said upon that
mead Reference to any almanac for
the year will give the reader all the in
formation obtainable.
1t Is presumable, also, that the scor-
plons, twins, wllliamgoats, watermen
ana all the other Zodiacal monstrosities
nave each had their allotted number of
days, and that strict following of the
'slgns'' has safely carried thousands of
infants through the period of alimentary
transition. The moon has been full, we
are sorry to say, quite as frequently as
aforetime, notwithstanding all which has
been done in the way of temperance leg-
!slation, and right in the face of the rise
in hops and malt liquor. The stars
have behaved fairly well, and no great
damage has been caused by any of the
heavenly bodies, not excepting the COM
etary interlopers which were added to
the galaxy and which had such tre-
mendous run before crowded houses
nightly.
We have had our usual quantity of
weather. Indeed, not a day has passed
without weather of some kind, and on
many days, in New England especially,
there have been from two to twenty
several and distinct weathers, which we
were compelled to take whether we
liked it or not. In this matter, however,
the year has not been peculiar. 1t has
merely kept true to meteorological ira
ditions.
During the year people have been
born, married and died as of yore;
some have died young, and many who
have lived to old age might just as we'll
have stopped where they began, for all
the good they have ever done to the
world by living in it.
There are many murderers still I'M
hanged, and many more would-be MUIR
derers, who will probably die in their
beds and without the aid of a jury. The
thieves and swindlers are mostly outside
prison walls, and the liars have not all
entered into their promised inheritancein
the sulphurous privilege.
Many who promised reformation
year ago are in proper condition to re-
peat the promise, and many who were
to accomplish matters of great moment
have put these things off for o more con-
venient season.
To 60 into statistics. it is estimated
that during the year the average man
had said "How are yer?" 3,743 times;
els this hot enough for you?' and ssIs
this cold enough for you?" each Al
times; ''pleasant day." 1918 times;
''looks like rain,'' 1925 12 times;
other meteorological remarks, not classi-
fed, 7S6, 421, 1O7, 800, 792, O01 times. He
has dressed and undressed at least once
day, 500 times; and the average wo-
man has, therefore, robed and unrobed,
as anybody having the time and incli-
nation may easily figure out, 1920 times.
Our average man has eaten 1, O95 times
-tramps, children in arms and MEM
bers of the newspaper fraternity ex-
cepted; he has smoked 2, 100 cigars and
paid for 100; chewed one-quarter ton,
more or less, of tobacco; s'set 'em up
for the boys" 40 times; been ''One of
the boys" l ,074 times; has MT cared a
dash 1878 times has asked ''What d. yer
soy?" 972 times; "beg PARDON" 436
times; meant it, once (if a condemned
criminal, possible twice or three times)
has said 50 glad to see you," S,095 times;
lied about it, 5000 times. He has told
his favorite story 475 times and tried to
tell it 1,076 times more.
In short, the year has been so exactly
like all the years that have passed, that
there is nothing remarkable about it.
You couldn't tell it in the dark from
any year you ever saw, and ten chances
to one if you would recognize it in broad
daylight with double-barrelled opera
glass.
Therefore, the least said about the old
year the better. 1t has done US all the
good and all the harm it ever can do,
and we therefore seek not its favor nor
fear its frown.
Let it, then, bury itself out of our
sight. 1t has grown gray and wrinkled
and old. 1t is no longer pleasant to
look upon. Here is something more at
tractive-
Which its name is 1SS3.-Boston
Transcript.