The new North-west., 1883-05-04
THAT BAD BOY.
How the LacteaI Fluid was Got for the New
Baby.
PeGL's San.

Baby.
PecL's San.
s'Well, how is the baby" asked the grocery
man of the small boy as he came into the
grocery smelling very 'horsey," and sat down
on the chair with the back gone, and looked
very tired.
80, darn the baby. Everybody asks me
about the baby as though it was mine. L
don't pay no attention to the darn thing,
except to notice the foolishness going on
around the house. Say l guess that baby
will grow up to be a fire engine. The nurse
coupled the baby on TO section OF rubber
hose that runs down into q bottle of milk,
and it began to get up steam and pretty soon
the milk began to disappear, just like the
water does when fire engine couples on TO
hydrant. Pa calls the baby 'Old Number
Two.' am Number One and if pa had a
hook and ladder truck and hose cart, and
fire gong he would imagine he was chief en-
gineer of the fire department. But the baby
kicks on the milk-wagon milk, and howls
like dog that's got lost. The doctor told
pa the best thing he could do was to get
goat, but pa said since we Insulated him into
the Masons with the goat he wouldn't have
a goat around nohow. The doc told pa the
other kind of goat, l think it was Saman-
tha goat he said, wouldn't kick with its head,
and pa sent me up into the Polack settlement
to see if couldn't borrow q milk goat for
few weeks. got woman to lend us her
goat until the baby gets big enough TO chew
beef, for a dollar a week, and paid dol
lar in advance, and pa went up in the even-
ing to help me get the goat. Well 1t was
the darndest mistake you ever see. There
was two goats so near alike you couldn't tell
which was the goat we leased, and the other
goat was chum of our goat, but 1t belonged
to a Nirish woman. We got bed cord
hitched around the Irish goat, and that goat
didn't recognize the lease, and when we tried
to jerk it along it rared right up and made
things real quick for pa. don't know what
there is about q goat that makes 1t get so
suunky, but that goat seemed to have
gr udge against pa from the first. If there
were any places on pas manly form that the
goat did not explore with its head, pa don't
know where the places are. o, 1t damned
him, and when l laffed pa got mad. told
him every man ought to furnish his own
goats, when he had baby, and l let 60 Of
the rope and started off, and pa said he knew
how it was, WANTED him to get killed. 1t
wasn't that, but l saw the Irish woman what
owned the goat coming around the corner of
the house with cistern pole. Just as pa
was getting the goat out of the gate the goat
got crossways Of the gate, aud pa yanked
and doubled the goat right up, and thought
he had broke the goats neck, and the woman
thought so toe, for she jabbed pa with the
cIstern pole just below the belt, and then
che tried awful b ard TO get a good hold
on pas hair, but he had her there. No
| woman can get the advantage of pa that way
| cause ma has tried it. Well, pa explained
1, to the woman, and she let pa off If he
would pay her two dollars for damages to
her goat, and he paid it, and then we took
the nanny goat and II went right along with
| us. But have got my opinion of baby
that will drink goats milk. Gosh, it is like
this stuff tha: comes in a spoiled cocoanut.
The baby hasn't done anything but blat since
the nurse coupled it onto the goat hydrant.
had to take all my playthIngs out of the
basement to keep the goat from eating them.
| I guess the milk will taste Of powder and
singed hair now. The goat got to eating
some Roman candles ne and my chum had
laid away in the coal bin, and chewed them
around the furnace, and the powder leaked
out and coal fell out of the furnace on the
hearth, and you'd dide to see pa and the
hired girl and the goat. You see pa can't
milk nothing but milk wagon, and he got
the hired girl to milk the goat, and they were
lust hunting around the basement for the
goat with tin cup, when the fireworks went
off. Well, there was balls of green, and red
and blue fire, and spilled powder blazed up
and the goat just looked astonished, and l
looked on as though was sorry so much
good fodder was spoiled, but when his hail
began to burn, the goat gave one snort and
went between pa and the hired girl like Il
was shot out of cannon, and IL knocked ps
over the sh.boiler into the ceal-bin, ant
the hired girl in amongst the kindling wood
and she crossed herself and repeated thu
ca.ekism, and the goat jumped up on top o
the brick furnace, and they couldn't get i
down. / heard the celebration and wen
down and took pa by the pants and pulled
him out of the coal-bin, and he said be woult
surrender, and plead guilty of being the big
gest fool in Milwaukee. Ipulled the kindlini
wood of the hired girl, and then she got mat
and said she would milk that goat or die. o
that girl has got sand. She used to work in tn
glass factory. Well, sir, 1t was a sight wort
two shilling admission, to see that hired cir
up on a step-ladder TO milk that goat on to
of the furnace, and pa sitting on barrel o
potatoes bossing the job. They are going L
fix a gang plank to to get the goat down o.
the furnace. The baby kicked on the mil
last night. guess besides tasting of powde
and burnt hair, the milk was too warm o
account of the furnace. Pa has got to gro'
t a new lot of hair on that goat, or the woms
won't take 1t back. She don't want no bal