Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-11-14

IPENA, MICH, WE'D
WIT AND HUMOR.
Bellies of the bawl-girl babies
Pree Press.
Cash shear-the coupon scissors
Fress Press,
A dose of salts-several sailors
sleeping.-Ex.
When you see a glass of water
goblet.-Ex.
Invisible blew-the wind.-Boston
Bulletin.
The wrong man in the right place
the inefficient clerk.-Ex.
Canals can't be free-there are
locks and quays upon them.-Ex.
The riches which always take tc
themselves wings-ost-riches.-
"This is a new wrinkle" as the
maiden said, OH consulting her mir
or.-Ex.
That is bad era which has Egypt
in its grip-the chol era.-New York
Commercial Advertiser.
What room would one expect to
find in castle in the air? A "brown
study" to be sure.-Life.
Couples court before they are mar,
ried, and they must, also, go to court
before they are divorced.-Ex.
Rural performers on brass instru
ments were, twenty years ago, coun
try-band of war.-Lowell Courier.
Champion oarsmen feather thciI
nests by feathering their oars.-Nev
York Commercial Advertiser.
1t isn't a great way to the end o.
cats nose, but it's fur to the end o.
its tail.--Kinderhook Notes.
Emerson said: There is alway:
room for man of force" He had
probably met Sullivan in a crowd
Kinderhook Notes.
81 am the power behind the throne,
soliloquized the mule, as he pitched
his rider heels over head to the ground
Fulton Times.
Aunt Lindy-"Fo' de life o me
chile. | cawn't 'magin why yo'se il
little" Winnie-"What a dicklu'
question. | was bon little-dat's
why."-Ex.
"I've heard it said," remarked Fen
derson, "that man shouldn't laugh
at his own jokes; Inever do" "Doe'
anybody else?" asked Fogg.-Bostor
Traveller
"Know anything about life in the
west" said Mr.. Stone. 81 should
say | do. / was tarred and feathered
twice in Missouri and rode a rail il
Kansas. ."-Ex.
The English alphabet is tolerably
virtuous. Twenty of the letters have
never been in "prison. New 9orl
News. Yes, but look what a lot o
them are now in "penitentiary."-
Norristown Herald.
We haven't time to build conun
drum to-day, but here is the answe
to the one We would construct if w
had the leisure, viz: zone is poo
singer, and the other is a Singapore.
-Noristown Herald.
81 write this" said a man, address
ing gentleman who owed him money
Ito inform you that you are liar.
"Your postage stamp was wasted,
came the reply "as | knew that wa
a liar before | ever had any bushes
relations with you."
When the wife of an Ohio politi
clan was informed that he had beel
struck by lightning and killed, sh
didn't burst into flood of tears. Sh
merely remarked: "Well, | neve
would have believed that there wa
anything in this world that woul'
shock John. philadelphia Chron
icle- e-Herald.
"Children, what must q man d.
before he can 90 to heaven ?" asked
teacher in the Sunday school. 1
good boy would have known tn
proper answer at once, and replies
that man must be at least decent,
honest, a condition which would cx
clude every ofiice-holder since the dc
claration of independence; but lii
tie boy, who was too literal to be sat
isfactory, answered: "He must die
SIR Ex.
The latest american story" goin
the rounds of the European press i
that of traveller of that nationalit
who found it necessary to excuse hi
inability to join in the hilarity O
other travellers because Of his poverty
Gentlemen" he said, 81 know | an
more or less Of a saturated blanke