Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-10
FUN AHEAD.
An Improved Congressional, Record

an Improved Congressional Record,
Ii Congress resolve to act upon the
suggestion made by Senator Miller that
the Congressional Record be issued as
a weekly and sent to every family il the
country, some modification ought to be
made of the contents Of the Record
The paper is much too heavy and dismal
In its present condition to be welcomed
in the ordinary American household.
Perhaps it might have puzzle depart
ment, and if so one Of the first puzzles
could take the shape Of an inquiry how
it happens that so many Congressman
get rich on $1,000 year. The
department Of Answers to Cores
pondents could be enriched with refer
ences to letters from ofice-seekers, and
the department. of Household Economy
could contain explanations of how tho
members frank their shirts home through
the postofice so as to get them in the
family wash. As for the general contents,
describing the business proceedings of
the Senate and House, we recommend
that these should be put into the form
OF verse. We should treat them, say,
something in this fashion:
Mr. Hill
Introduced bill
To give John Smith pension.
Mr.. Bayard
Talked himself tired
But said nothing wortbyoF mention.
This would be sEccinct, musical and
in degree impressive. The Youngest
readers could grasp the meaning OF it
and it could easily be committed to
memory. Or a scene In the House
might be depicted in such terms as
these:
very able speech was made by Cox of Minnesota
Respecting the necessity of protecting the black
voter.
Twas indignantly responded to by Smith cE -
bama,
Whose abominable talk was siIenced by the Speak
er's hammer
Then Atkinson of Kansas rose to make an explana-
ton,
But was pulled down by colleague in a state Of IN
dignation.
And Mr.. Alexander, in speech about insurance,
Taxed the patience of his hearers pretty nearly past
endurance.
After which Judge Whitaker denounced the rccip-
rocity
Treaty with Hawaii as seandalous nlonstrcsitv.
It would be advisable Of course to vary
the meter as much as possible in order
to prevent the monotony which would
otherwise dull the interest of the reader.
After giving the proceedings in the
House as above, something of a more
spirited nature perhaps could be insert
ed into the Senate reports. Suppose.
for example, the pages devoted to the
Senate should lead off with something
OF this kind:
Then up Smith, of Florida the best of the de-
baters,
And spoke about his measure for protecting allsat-
ors;
He showed how tourists shoot at them without re-
gard for reason,
And asked to have it made crime to kill them cut
of season.
Then Brown he moved amendment by inserting a
brief clause
Compelling alIgators not to operate their jaws;
But Smith he up and said of him who thought the
subject comical,
That Nature, when she gave him sense had been too
economical.
And Brown, responding briefly, wished to say in this
connection
That Smith in guarding reptiles had an eye to self
protection.
Then Smith he flung volume of the Message and
Reports
And Brown was laid upon the foor good deal out
OF sorts.
OF course versifcation of the Congress-
Sjo1aoI Record would require the services
of a poet laureate OF rather unusual
powers. If Congress shall accept seri-
ously the suggestions which we make
with an earnest desire to promote the
public interest, we shall venture to rec
ommend the selection Ct the Sweet
Singer of Michigan as the first occupant
of the laUreate's otlice.-Oaly C0qtiacuL