Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-02-14
His Pa Catches On.

OF the delivery wagon accldcnlai'y an"
let couple Of bushels Of pEltoe5 roll
out into the gutter. L haven't seen
YOU around here, aud yoi Look pale.
You haven't been sick have vou:'
No. / have not been sick Pa lock-
ed me up in the bath room for two days
and tyo nights, anj didn't give ms
nothing to eat but bread and @Atet.
Since he has got religion he seems to
be harder than ever on me. Say. do
YOU thluk religion softcns a mans
heart, or does it give him q caked
breast? spact pa will burn me at the
stake next
The grocery man said that when a
man had truly been conyertc d, his
heart vas soitened and he was always
looking for a chance to do good and
be kind to the poor, but if he only had
this galvanized religion, this roll plate
piety or white. washed reformation, be
was liable 10 be harder citizen than
before. What made your pa lock you
up in the bathroom on bread and wa
ler?' he asked.
We'll, says the boy, as he eats a
couple Of salt-pIckles out or a jar on the
sidewalk, Pa ls not converted enough
to hurt him, aud [ knew, it. and l
thought it would be a good joke to try
him and see if be was so confounded
good, so l got my chum 10 dress sp in
a suit of his sisters summer clothes.
Well, you wouldn't believe my chum
would look 80 much like a girl. He
would fool the oldest inhabilant. You
know how fat he is. He had to sell his
bicycle to a slim felloG that clerks n a
Store, cause he ddn't want 1t any
more. II neck is just as fat, aud there
are dimples in it, and with a dress low
10 the neck, and loHg at the trail, be
locks as tall as my ma. He busted one
Of his sisters slippers getting them on
aud her stockings were good deal toe
BIZ for him, but he tucked his drawers
down in them aud tied a suspender
arould his leg above the knee, and
they stayed on all right. Well, he
is KILN, 1 should prevaricate. with his
SISTERS muslio dress on, starched s.
stuff as a shirt, AMI her reception hat,
with a white feather as biz as a New.
foundlaud dogs tail. Pa said he had
sot to 60 down to see some OF the old
soldiers Of the regiment, aud | loated
along behind. My chum met pa on
the corner and asked him where the
lake shore park was. She said she
vas a stranger from Chicago and thai
her husband had deserted her. and she
didn't know but she would jump into
the lake. Pa looked at my chum's eye
and sized her up, and said it would bC
a shame TO commit suicide, and asked
# she ddn't want to take walk Ny
chum said he would litter, and lie took
pas arm and they walked up TO the
lake and back. Well, you may tall
abou. joining the church on probation
all you please, but when they get the il
arms al ind a girl it is all the same
Pa hugged my cnum till he says h'
thought pa would break his SISTERS
corset all to pieces, aud he squeezed
my chum's hand till the ring cut right
into lis fioger and he has had 10 wear {
piece of court plaster on it. Tney star
led for the court house park, as | told
my chum TO do. and | went and got ma
Il was about time for the soldiers t.
90 to the exposition for the evening
bzness. aud tod ma We could g
down aud see them go by. Ma jus
throwed shawl over her head and VI
started down through the park. Wher
We 90, near pa and my chum | told M
It was a shame Tor so many people t
be sitting around lallySgagging ngh
before folks, and she said it was DISCUS
tin, and then pointeo to my chua
WHO had his head on pas sbosem, an
pa was pattng my chum on the cheek
while he held his other arm around hi
waist. They was on the iron seat, anC
We came right up behind them, anC
when ma saw pas bald head | though
she would bust. She knew his head a
quick as she set eyes on il. Ny chul
asked pa II he was married. aud he sal
he was a wilower. he said his wife die
fourteen years ago of liver complain
Well. ma shook like a leaf and l coul
hear her new teeth rattle just liz
', cheN lng straw berries with sand IN theI
= Then ms cnum put his arms aroun
oa,s neck and said, IF you loye N
, kiss me in my mouth Pa was ju
. leaning down TO kiss my chum when n
couldn't stand it any longer and ST
went right around IN trout Of them az
she grabbed my chum by the hair an
il all came on, hat and all, and n
- chum jumped, and ma scratched hl
-, in the face, and my chum tried 10 q
l., his hands in lis pants pocket to set b
- handkerchief to wipe OF the blood
., his uose, and ma she turned on pa, a
= he turned pale, and then she was 9
4 mo for my chum again when he sal
%, !et up on fellow and be sees
vas mad. aud he grabbed that hat a
a hair of the gravel walk and took t
~ .kirt of his sisters dress in his hand a.
- Il, out for home on a gally' aud [
!, took ma By the elbow and said Y
re nice old party, amt YOU? "a
dead am /? Died Of liver complal
>. fourteen years ago, did II You
D find an animated corpse on your hand
.o Around kissing spry wimmen out
, L.