Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-03-09
speech. To combat my sbyness, con-

10 Try SOlCleu bpectucIes. T. VI Mh"t eue
ed to my confusion was. the. fact that
whenever people CHANGED to look at me,
the nervous twitching aud scared express
sion of my eye naturally attracted their
attention, and caused them to stare the
harder But it was all to no purpose
my fatality still chung to me wherever l
went. Ny voice, indeed, grew stronger|
md more emphatic under the severe train
ing of my Dcmostheuic exercises. But
its inherent defects became proportional
" more marked and offensive. Ny green
, or blue goegles--for tried every variety
and shade of color--only served to me-
,tamorphosc my queer-looking phiz into
III exquisite model for II carnival mask.
| To give one illustration among hum
dred. One summers evening, we were
! all standing on the terrace Of the far
famed Rigln above the Lake of Lucerne,
Watching the sunset. For single half
hour of rapture the combined influences
of the glorious panorama completely alb
sorbcd the sensc of my painful subiecti-
witty. Ali could but have kept my
spirit to that flight But my demon was
at my elbow. Not long after, happen
cd to be walking mp and down tine now
deserted Plateau, with my sister, expatia-
ting on the beauties of the surrounding
landscape Suddenly We were oycrtaken
by two young Englishmon, tourists, like
ourselves, whom We Ind not hitherto
taken notice of. As they passed by, one
of them exclaimed to his companion, in
a sort Of stage-whisper BY Jovc now
We have seen something worth looking at.
For the life Of INC / couldn't keep my
eyes of that odd.looking fellow s face all
the time we were supposed to be watch.
ing the sunset : In a single moment all
the sweet and loving influences of that
divine vision faded out of my mind. l
can suggest no better comparison than
that of man suddenly walked out oi
n dream OF paradise by the scathing SCOT
of Mephistophcles. Again | felt my
self under the ban OF my fellow-creGtures
Again doubted Of heaven and humani-
ty!
Reader pity ana pardon me for III
vent nothing, but am telling a plain I'M
vanished tale--'an over true story.
On our return to England, l had tc
mourn the loss OF an affectionate mother
who died almost heart broken at the fail
ure of all the hopes she had built on hel
first. born, and as was generally supposed
| her favorite child. Hcnccforward L re-
solved to bury myself i'll my books, and
turn my back, once for all, on world
which had hitherto greeted me only Will
contempt and ridicule. For year Oh
e two steadfustly adhered to this plan
when it was temporarily suspended by
p one CT those mysterious chances whlcl
, sometimes befall the most unobti usivt
! and secluded OF lives. SO with myself.
made acquaintance, quite accidentally
| with young lady of personal attrac
tons, and yet more remarkable talents
/ Circumstances threw us much together
and soon began for the first time in my
> life, to realize the tender passion. Strange
t t. say, the feeling was reciprocated; and
p with the consent at least, If not approba
q ton, of our mutual families, da.' was
= fixed for orr union. But whether through
a accident or dispensation OF Providence
| an unexpected hitch occurred at the
: eleventh hour. Suspicious were awaken
5 ed of n loose screw somewhere. And
finally, ] was compelled. by stress o
n circumstances to make clear breast Z"
!. il, and the engagement was amicably ter
:. minated. / will only add that this lady
). eminently fitted by her talents to shine il
I, the social SPHERE subsequently made |
n worldly and better assorted marriage, anC
i is now the mother Of n numerous family
Relapslng once more into silence ant
II solitude, pursued my favoritc studies t.
e the detriment of my physical health
hitherto excellent The doctors unlucki
r ly prescribed stimulants, and with tn
n unlocked for result that |, who, up to N.
o thrtieth year, had been remarkably alb
n stemious and, indeed, water-drinke
V during the earlier part OF my life, no'
I speedily became n confirmed tipler not t
9 say an 'hahtual drunkard'. do not at
V tempt self justification, nor dare [ alleg
n moral responsibility | can only plea'
10 c%tenuating circumstances. All cal
W affirm is that an abnormal nervous organ
,e izqton, from the very outset of this he,
N phase of my life, found instant and mex
D. pressible relief from copious alcoholic Ii
1t bations. Rather, perhaps. it wasthe sub
ID stitution OF one phase of temporary i'll
g. sanity for another. Alas how often en-
y. how fatally have l practically parodie'
H. the Shakesperian aphorism There's
'. pleasure i'll alcoholic madness rome bu
N alcoholic madinen knew My const
i tuition gradually gave way, until chroI
e. ic state of nervous exaltation was FINAL
G. capped by SMART fit OF delirium tremeni
I'd Providentially rallying out of the jaws c
a. death, l made repeated VOWS OF abste
D. miousness and even abstinence. But
/ was continually relapsing. The latte
b. lost oil relish FOR study, and spent day
n and weeks in II lethargic state verging 0
o. moral paralysis. 1t was neither III
ed dreamy paradise of the lotus eater, NJ
e even the ecstatic Authorizations of tn
D. opium eater in the earlier stages of hi
OF fatal indulgence Rather did l exper
M ence that chronic sense Of conscious d.
,r- liriums and of almost demoniacal pose
N. sion which is said to haunt the victim
" opium in the latter stages of his pr
or gress.
ed Ono by one all my friends had reluc
th antly cut him whom they considered Il
re. disgrace of the family found myse
ity alone in the world. My married siste
he residing in the south of France, hi
he throughout maintained an affectiona
nv and sympathetic correspondence with h
re- erring brother, and now kindly urged n
rs to spend winter season under her roc
lie / accepted gratefully; and, thanks to h
ng watchfui influence, regained, for Will
nv tho mastery over my passion. But aft
W. brief spell Of reform, we were aga
as forced to separate, for fear of pub
la. scandal and bad example to the hous
to hold.
ell The slopes of the Maritime Alps, it
one well known, abound in health-resorts +
NY summer tourists. So soon, then, at
found myself once more cast adrift, ] l
lille solved on seeking out the most reno
ion and least frequented, OF these mounta
/ of businesses. There it was my fixed pr
, vi pose to put u sure, and, AZ l hope
his speedy finishing stroke to q useless n
Yer humiliating existence. In short, / h
ron deliberately determined on perpetrati
ok alcoholic suicide. On the extreme fro
:. La: I,
was some seven Thousand feet above the 81
mn lnrol lina n M riau. I,latnnu or no11ntt