The Northern Pacific farmer., 1883-09-20

WOuAA 10 pA0SVS O~uAJ A0AS' e'~ ~~'
Sittings.
There is rumor from Germany
tn at learned chemist hasdiscovele ed
wonderful oil that will restore youth
to old age. 1t must be species OF
Olive oil.-Philadelphia jB'elliten.
The dude is now defined as work
on 1.-The need of common sence, .
bound in calf. It might bs cali
bound in need of common sence
Either is good enough.-Peck's Sun
"Mercy!'' exclaimed Mrs. f., as she
caught sight Of the comeleopard
'.just look at the beast! What a lone
neck!" eyes, replied Fogg, 1.-THE
most remarkable case of soar throat
1 ever saw. Boston Transcript.
A young man urged, as one OF thu
reasons why a girl should marry him
that he had collection of over 4.OO(
different kinds of wood. She said II
it was kindling wood she'd think Of
it.-Burliugto1, Hvwksye.
The latest story is that Of \ mar
who can heat bucket of water in
ten minutes by sticking his nose into
it. That's easily accounted for-his
nose has got boil in it.-Burliag
ton Free Press.
A few miles above Bthens, Ga.
lives a man who eats in one country.
sleeps in anothe er, smokes, when on
his piazza, in third, and built his
barn in fourth. He certainly has
corner in counties.-Ne,O York Aduer.
tiser.
A young lady writes to New York
paper asking how she can get rid OF
her beau. Did she ever try dropping a
red.hot file down the back of his neck!
This will frequently discourage q
yonng man when all other means
have failed.-Chaf.
Say Pat, whatever made you go to
work for Uncle Dan? He's the mean
ost man In the country. - Name, is
it," said Pat: "why, shure an, he's
the foinest, aisyest-goin. master liver
I had, bedad; he gives man fifteen
hours to do a days work in. ''-Er.
On one occasion a professor was ex.
postulating with a student for idle
ness, when the latter said, "Well, it's
of no use finding fault, I was cut out
for a loafer.' "Well," replied the
professor, surveying him critically
from head to foot, "whoever cut you
out understood his business. .''-West
ern Rural. .
When Shootwell died, the boy.
dubbed together to buy him a tomb
stone. They couldn'tagree upon thu
inscription. Frogg suggested this
':His gun never missed fire. Lot u,
hope he may be like his gun" But thi:
was considered somewhat personal
and was rejected without division
-.Bostos 7ranscript.
Brinley is An eccentric chap ant
often does strange things, eminentl,
philosophical but queer, you know
And so it was that, upon becoming
engaged to be married. he presented
the young lady ring, on the inside
of which was engraved the motto
"In time of peace prepare for war;
LosoeH Citizen
"Your daughter! It is impossible
Why, you look more like twin sis
ters." mo; I assure you, she is m!
only daugheer,' replied the pleased
mother. And the polite old gentle
man spoiled it all by remarking,
Well, she certainly looks old enough
to be your sister. .''-Rochester Poet
Erpress.
"What would you do if you were
and I were you!" ~tenderly inquired
young swell of his lady friend as h
escorted her home from churcl,
SWELL" said she, "if were you
would throw away that vile cigarette
cut up my cane for firewood, wear IN.
watch chain under my coat, and sta
at home nights and pray for brains.
-Wester7s Raral.
A batchelor who was tired of singl
life set the table in his lonely abod
with plates for himself, and an i'm
aginary wife and five children. H
then sat down to dine, and as often a
he helped himself to food he put til
Same quantity on each of the othe
plates, and surveyed the prospect, a
the same time computing tho cost
He is still 4 bachelor .-1Vester7a Ru,
al.
"Didn't I tell you not to ask Uncl
James for money!" said his mother
casting hard look at her son
s'No'm.'' "What! Didn't I tel
you this morning not to ask him!'
"You said not to ask him when yo1
was arouHd-,,' ''Jeems!'' '.But t
strike him for a dollar while you va
out an you'd give me nickle Of it.
Ark Traveler.; =5s..
| s An exchange says: During !,
1 thunderstorm in Atlanta on Frida
last the glass Of a window of \ privat
residence received the imprint of a
apple tree near by. The imprint wa
never see before the storm. and il
origin is isattributed to a fash Of light
lining. Z That's nothing. a hous
out west had its whole side knocked
in BY an impr int Of tree, that wa
never in the house before either
Peck s sua., .