The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-12-14
VOL. XXVIII----NO. 40.
VARIETIES.

Said a philosopher friend conduct
ed his future wife to tne'altar-and here his
leadership came TO an end"
People who are color-blind cannot dis
tinguish any difference between red and
green. To them'the woman who paints her
cheeks looks green.
This is the law ofbenefits between men:
the one ought to.forget ut once what he has
given and the other ought never to- forget
what he has received
-One friend asked another why lie mar
ried SO little a wife? why" said he, 81
thought you had known that of all the evils
we should choose the least"
Sportsman (who has missed again.: 81
say, Mumbles the birds seem to be afraid of
me-" Keeper: well, sir, they didn't ought
to be, for you never 'urt any on 'em."
-"How old are you, said an ancient dame
to grinning little tar-pot. "Well, if | goes
by what mudder says, | is most ten, but if |
goes by de fun Use had, Tse most hundred"
"A difference A friend when told the
other day of the death Of a well-known stock
dealer, replied. "Why, he's worse off than
am: Pm dead broke; but he is dead brol;-
err"
when Lord Coeridge was asked in
Chicago whether he would like to inspect
tne process OF sausage making, lie replied,
mo, thank you; | guess won't 7 eat sau.
sage sometimes"
"A basso- protundo singer has lost his place
in city choir because his voice breaks The
deacons argued and quoted numerous prece-
dents to prove that when a man is off his
base he ought to be put out
The wise man has his fol!ies. no less than
the fool; but it has been said that herein lies
the difference-the folies of the fool are
known to the world, but are hidden from
himself, the follies of the wise man are known
to himself, but are hidden from the world.
Some old bachelor says. "NTans lot is
not happy one. No sooner is he free from
his mothers apron-string and slipper, than
he becomes the slave of some tyrant in pink
and white and marries. His wife then bosses
him until baby comes along, and then the
baby bosses the whole family"
They have out West a clergyman who is
known as the Satisfying preacher When
ever congregation begins to grow FESTIVE
under the ministration of the regular pastor,
the satisfying preacher" is sent for, who is
SO atrociously bad that the congregation,
after hearing him a few times become en-
tirely satisfied" to keep..their pastor.
"A little anecdote in which the wife of
General Crook played Il part went the rounds
of the newspapers while she was still in her
school days. On his way to Wheeling in a
private car, President Buchanan made the
usual wait at Oakland Station, where many
persons assembled to be presented to the
chief magistrate. When Mary's turn came,
the exalted bachelor put the question to her
that had served him throughout the inter.
view. And what State are you from, Miss ?"
From the same state as your eXcellency,"
she quickly replied, "the state of single bless
edness"
81 engaged" said burly lawyer, "a
chaise at Galway to conduct me some few
miles into the country, and had proceeded
some distance, when it came to Il sudden
standstill at the beginning of rather steep
incline, and the coachman, leaping to the
ground, came to the door and opened it.
what are you at, man? This is not where
ordered you to stop. Has the animal
baked ~ "'Whist, your honor, whist = said
Paddy in an undertone I'm only desavng
the sly haste. I'll just bang the door; and
the crafty ould cratur will think he's intirely
got rid Of yer honor's splendid form, and he'll
be at the top of the hill in no time"