The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-11-29
TOM AND VIC.
Congressman Tom Ochiltree's Visit ts
Britain's Queen

Congressman Tom Ochiitree's Visit to
Britain's Queen.
Escorted to the castle by Mr..
Lowell" says Mr.. Ochiltree, AZ was
duly presented, and her Majesty was
pleased to ask both Mr.. Lowell and
myself to be seated. had been pre-
viously warned that the Queen was
morbidly sensitive about the death of
that Scotch attendant, John Brown,
and cautioned not in any way to allude
to 1T, or even use the word brown" 1t
would occupy too much space to give
the whole interview at length, but the
Queen was graciously pleased to "hope
that Mr.. Ochiltree found his visit to
London enjoyable" Enjoyable, your
Imperial Highress; well, 1 should
pause TO hesitate" exclaimed the i'm
pulsive ranger. I've been dragged
out to dinner after dinner and garden
parties galore, until I'm completely
done brown" The Queen looked sad
and glanced at portrait over the
mantel-piece, which represented a
rather rd-visaged, shock-headed man
IN a Glengary cap, who might have
been Presbyterian elder. Mr.. Lowell
shifted uneasily i'll his chair The CONVEX
sation was resumed and the Hon. Tom
recommends her Majesty to make trip
to the Yellowstone park, assuring her
that if she would abandon for while her
old Balmoral and Frogmore and effete
Windsor and try it, she would come
back from her trip as bull-headed as a
bear and as brown IS a berry" MY
God!" exclaimed Mr.. Lowell under
his breath. IF L only had a dozen
New York policemen here to kill this
Texas steer as measure of public
safety. They might do it in twenty
four or twenty-five shots" The Queen
burst into tears, but, recovering herself,
with fattering condescension, said {:
"Ah, we'll, Mr.. Ochiltree, scenery is all
very fine. But, after all, sir. as q
statesman, don't You think the grandest
thing your country has done was
the abolition Of slavery, and that dear
Mr.. Lincoln did it 2"
Mr.. Lowell turned pale and groaned,
for he saw the hidden possibilities in
volved III the answer to the question.
The Queens question gave the new
member of. Congress just the oppor-
tunity he wanted. Eyes, you are right,
Mrs. Guelph" said he, I'm saying that
the emancipation of the slave was the
grandest act of the nineteenth century.
1t was the grandest act because it cost
more lives of white men than all the
niggers in the world are, or ever will
be, worth. But, madam, you err IN
supposing that Abraham Lincoln, wise
and good man as he was, alone
emancipated the negro. Madam, you
never heard of old John Brown,
did you? John Brown, who died
execrated and despised by the people
of the South and regretted only by q
few people of his own sort III the
North. Mr.. Lowell gasped for breath
and family murmured: This is simply
awful. l don't see how war is to be
avoided. What shall l say to Mr..
Frelinghuysen for bringing on this
ENHANCEMENT? War, war, war, and
we've got no navy" Tom had got
going, and he was bound to make q
brilliant peroration if it was the last
act of his dissipated career. He saw
nothing in the plainly apparent emo
ton of the Queen. yes, your Majesty"
he continued, 1.-The work begun by John
Brown at Harper's Ferry, when he was
captured by the marines :" Sir, in
terrupted the Queen of England, Mr..
Brown was never in the place you call
Harper's Ferry in his life, aud if he
had been 1 would like to have caught
any marines laying hands on him. I'd
have made it hot for them, by mine
halideml" "Oh, yes he was, Highness, y
said Tom. Il say the work begun 10y
John Brown at Hampers Ferry culmi-
mating at the close of our long and
bloody struggle. When the echoes OF
the guns had died away, 100, 1000
veterans of the army of the Potomac
marched down Pennsylvania avenue
singing in chorus. I'll try to give you
the air:
John Browns body lies n molderins in tn,
grave,
But his soul goes marching on.
The Queen uttered one prolonged
shrek, and fell fainting to the floor.
Exit Mr.. Lowell and Mr. Ochiltree.