The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-03-23
VOL. XXVIH----NO. II.
VARIETIES.

Never write the word "finis" backward
1t will be "sin if" you do.
There is great deal of soul-strring
music in pair of squeaky boots
-Buckwheat flour is so much adulterated
now That by any other name it would smell
as wheat.
"A paper, referring to the disappearance of
n man, says he chad on his working clothes
and an overdose of liquor"
An oftice-holder soon tires of public life
when he suspects that his constituents have
privately resolved not to re, elect him.
Sweet are the uses ofadversity. The man
with deaf ear doesn't have to sit on Jury,
because he can't hear both sides
-Artemus Ward once commenced a lee.
ture thus: Ladies and gentlemen, possess
agigantic intellect, but haven'tit with me.
Plenty of Artemuses.
Two hundred thousand people are asked
to contribute nickel apiece to build n church.
1t is to be called the church of ST. Nickel.us,
and when it is in operation it is to be hoped
the old Nickel have less to do.
.-lnquisitiveness rebukeG: Mistress Ito an
plicant for cooks position: "Why did you
leave your last placer" Applicant: you're
very lnquisitive marin. l didn't AK you
| J
"A young gentleman, who was looking
ing over pretty girls shoulder while she
was playing cards, observed What a lovely
Land You may have it, if you want it,
murmured she and all the rest of the evening
he was wondering what her intentions were.
The business of canning fruits and yege
taples nus grown to enormous proportions
over 1?,oOO,Oo0 cans of tomatoes were packed
last year, making one for every man, woman
ana enid In the country. Nearly half of this
work was done in Maryland and Virginia.
Little Willie, having hunted in all the
corners for lis shoes, at last gave them up,
and climbing on CHAIR betooE himself to a
dictionary. Papa always looks in it to find
things, and I'm looking in it to find my
Shoes" said he.
w lch is the deepest, the longest, the
broadest, and the smallest grave in this
church yard?" said n pedestrian to his COM
panion, while medtating among the tombs at
Either, why" replied he, at is that in
which Miles Button is buried for it is Miles
below the sod miles in length, miles in
breadth, and yet after all it is but button
hole"
Madam" he began, as he lifted his hat
at the front door, II am soliciting for home
charities. We have hundreds ofpoor, ragged
and vicious children like, those at your gate,
anu our ohlect IS" "Sir! those are my
own childrenw she interrupted, and the way
that front door slammed his toes Jared every
hair on his seal p-lock.
"A butcher enters n LAWYERS office
"Hir," he asks, when dog does any damage
is not his owner responsible" "Certainly.'
That being the case, rs your dog has Just car.
RED on magnificent leg ofmutton from my
shop, you owe me So" Nothing conld he
more just, replied the lawyer, land fortunate
ly that is Just the price of the consultation
have just given you! -
The following is told of one of the Roth.
schilds-he of Frankfort: Came the Baron
Won &. into the office of the great banker.
Take chair, sir" said he not even raising
his head from his writing. "Sir," said G,
why, sir, am like yourself, baron of the
empire, and think should be addressed as
such "A thousand pardons," replied Roth
enid; - baron of the empire? Then take
TWO chars until can attend to you"
"A counlyman, with his bride, stoppedat
hotel the other day. At dinner, when the
waiter presented Il bill of fare, the younr
man inquired, What's that?"
Bill of fare, sir" replied the waiter.
The cOuntryman took it in his hands, look
ed inquiringly at his wife and then at the wait
er, and finally dived his hands into his peck.
ct and inquired, GLOW much is it,"
Alexander Dumas was among the most
decorated of authors. He was often twilted
for the number of patents of chiYary which
were lying on his Sccyetaife, and for the
crosses, stars, and colored ribbons artislcally
arranged ON the chimney piece Of his study
why, my dear Dumas exclaimed one OF
his friends, who depored in secret the cmpti-
ness OF his own buttonholc, "of what do all
these baubes remind you?"
"Oh, of the fable OF the Fox and the
Grapes! retorted the author of lIont0 Christie,
putting his intcrlocut0r to confusion.
An Indiana farmer walked into the house
the other day, with tickled look on his face
and his hat on his car, and called out: "By
gum, Hammer, what do you think ?" whats
happened now?" You know that fellow
who sold me the churn and had me sign
paper Yes "Well, tibet paper was note
for $50" "Noal" True as preaching
And what else do you suppose?" "He sold
it" Fright you are. Went and sold it to Il
bank in Vincennes, and I've got to pay it,
Think Oft, tlanner-my note good huff to be
sold to bank four stories high and with
plate-gass windows, and they send me lust
the same kind of II notice TO pay MS they
would rich man. | must let old Sims hear
OF it in some way. The Sims family looks
upon us as scrubs, and here we are treated
the same as five rode in kccridgc behind
four horses !"