The National tribune., 1883-02-22
BECOME, DULL CARE.
What the Funny Fellows are Saying in the News
papers.

What the Funny Fellows are Saying in the News
papers.
PENNSYLVANIA piety: An old lady near Read
ing won't let her husband visit that city since
she read in the Bible that Reading maketh q
full man."-Grit.
Something strange: His Excellency-" You
have brothers?" Captain-"One, your Excel
lency." His Exeellency-" It's curious. ] was
talking with your sister and she said she had
t,co brothers. How is at2"-FliegeRds BIatter.
Food for thought: An author who was eRlo-
gizing his own works as containing much food
for thought" was rather taken back by the re-
mark of friend: They may contain food for
thought, but it is wretchedly ked.-Still,rdter
Sun.
A little boy went into the parlor where his
sister was being courted and said: Brother
Tom told me to ask you what was the date Of
your last hustle, for he can't find today's paper
high nor low, and he left it in your room just
before supper"
"An adventurous American, who was shoot
ing small game in Germany, said to his host
that there was spice of danger in shooting in
America. "Ah!" said the host, "yOu like
danger NIT your sport. Then you go out
shooting nit me. The last time shoot mine
bruder-in-law in the schtomack."
Why Hobson objected: Hobson," said Mug
gins, they tell me you've taken your boy
away from the Graded School. What's that
for ?" "'Cause," said Hobson, "the master
amt fit to teach 'em?" "Oh," said Muggins.
I've heard he's very good master" We'll"
replied Hobson, apologetically, "all knows is
he wanted to teach my boy to spell 'taters WITH
a p.'"-Nsw Berns IN. C) Journal.
A preacher in demand: A day or two ago on
the Lake Shore Road, young man rushed
into parlor car and shouted at the top of his
lungs: Is there minister of the gospel in
this car 2" " j am one," replied tall, clerical
looking gentleman. "0h, Pm SO glad !" ex-
claimed the young man, grasping the brother
by the hand. "a lady has tainted in the next
coach won't you be kind enough to lend me
your whisky flask? ?"-DTake's Trarelers' Mag
asins.
OF his own knowledge: Do you know OF
your own knowledge that the accused threat
ened to beat Henry E. Abbey the first time he
caught him out?" sob course I know it on
my own knowledge. My wife's brudder Jim
was ober at de bar room on Austin avenue, and
while he was dar he heard Blyford Smith tell
Bob Ferguson dat his wife had it straight from
Sam Macy dat de prisoner had promised to
'sault Harry Abbey de fust time he cotched him
heered dat from Sam Adams or Bill Perkins
1 disremember which-wid my own ears
IezGs Siftings.
precautionary. Two IflSnfhel came 10 gulu0-
post on wide and desolae plain. 1t was get
ting dusk, and the unfenced trails were scarcely
distinguishable. Fiye miles to Glenairlie,"
read one of them. putting his face close to the
board. But which av them goes to Glenairlie,
shurep askedl his companion, looking dub
iously at the tSyo trails. After few moments
meditative silence, the first Irishman replied:
"We can try one av thin, and then theotber."
" But how will we find the way back av we get
lost ?" "Shure. we will take the boOrd along
wild u.s." replied the first. And so the two pill
grims lighted their pipes and marched cheer
fully away with the guideboard between them
Burlington Free Press.
A terrible infant: Mrs. Brown and her little
daughter, Edith, were sitting in the parlor,
when a vister-Mrs. Spriggins, freckle-faced
lady-entered During the usual salutations
and for some time afterwards Edith kept her
eyes on the visitor. why, Edith, exclaimed
her mother at last, " it isn't polite to stare at
lady so.' "Oh, don't mention it, Mrs. Brown"
said Mrs. Spriggins, adding to Edith, You
like to look at me, don't you, dear?" Edith
did not answer this question directly. She did
not turn her eyes, however, and finally came
the question: "Be you the tattooed lady?"
Mrs. Spriggins smiled as though she was biting
somebody's head off, and said really she would
have to go. Mrs. Brown declares that she was
never so mortified in all her born days.-BoSt0s
Transcript.