The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1883-05-04
VOL. XXVIII---NO. Is.
VARIETIES.

The hardest thing in the world for
young women to do is to look unconcerned
! the first time she comes out in a handsome en-
gagement ring
81 was drunk when l married her."
pleaded the defendant to the court. "Most
men are who marry pretty wives" returned
the judge. Beauty is always intoxicating"
-"No, sir" said the peach dealer to the
man who had brought him load ofpotatoes
| and proposed TO measure them in one of his
half bushel peach baskets, "no you don't"
Liquor" said the lecturer, "s responsible
for much of the misery in the world" That's
So" said an old topper in the audience II am
always unhappy when l can't get it."
old Dave: II wouldn't tell no lie for
hundred mules. He's jst eight years old
next July, and as gentle as lamb; dat
knows, for tended him sim was boy"
Pa" said little boy at u theatre the
| other night, 81 wish l could hurry up and
get baldheaded" "Why, SOM" Because
then could always sit on the front row of
chairs"
"A German went to a friend and said
"To morrow owe you 100000. am ruined
| cannot pay it and | cannot shlcep Wink"
The creditor said: Ivy didn't you wait to
dell me to morrow? Now neither can ]
shleep wink"
"A South End man says his wifes CONVEX
sation is perfect wonder. Maybe he means
by this that it is brilliant and witty but
somehow, in this connection, it is difficult to
avoid recalling the saying that wonders never
cease.
-"Out of the Mouth of Babes"-Edith:
Have you written all the invitations to my
party, mamma" Mamma: ayes, Edith"
Edith: but the best part will be when the
receptions and deceptions begin to come in,
won't it, mammal"
When fellow gets a letter for his wife
out OF the post office, and he forgets to give
il to her for week or so, the safest way to
deliver it is to tie it on the end of long fish
ing pole and poke it through the window to
her.
-"How many ends has stick of candy
got% asked Billy Smartboy of his father
1.-TWO, of course"
THAT'S where you are mistaken. have
bitten three or four ends off this stick of
candy, and there aretwo left yet"
"A fouryear-old boy was warned against
eating meat for supper on account of its liza
bility to produce bad dreams, but he still in
sisted on doing it, A few mornings ago, the
youngster was telling his last dream at the
breakfast table. Bears had surrounded him,
snakes had crawled down his back, camel
had turned n somersault over him, and big
elephant had assaulted him, etc. "Therc,
said his uncle, 81 told you ifyou ate meat
at tea time you would have bad dreams"
81 don't care" promptly replied the boy 81
guess want to see n circus once in q while"
Some time since an Ohio paper got aftera
manufacturing concern and gave it such
showing up that the president went to law
yer and said he desired to begin libel suit.
what has the paper said ?" asked the attor-
ney. why, that we have never paid divi
dend." "Well, have you" mo, but it
said we couldn't pay our hands" "And you
haven't for the past two months, have you"
81 can't say we have; but it said our stock
was down to IA, the concern mortgaged, and
bad management would soon bust us" isn't
it all so?" "Confound it! Yes, and that's
what want to sue for yelled the indignant
president.