The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-05-10
AN ECCENTRIC VISITOR.
a Man who had Important Business with
the Governor.

The Governor of Arkansas is grad
ually becoming acquainted with the
zone gallused'F gentlemen who apply
for executive favors The other day
man who told the porter that he was
born ON the other side of the canebrake,
and should not be interrupted, entered
the executive chamber, and approach
ing the Governor, asked:
YOU'RE the overseer, reckon?"
II am the Governor.
eyes, well that's what lowed"
"What can do for you?''
81 want a pardon"
81 cannot pardon YOU"
''But you must. It's wussen q grand
hog case. / went to the courts and
couldn't git satisfaction, and now fling
myself on the mussey of the state"
II don't understand you. What
crime did you commit?'
"What crime do you call it when a
man marries too often?''
"Bigamy."
That's my crime. Invent to law
and tried to get divorce, and couldn't
get one. Peers like they didn't have
none on hand, so I am here now to
cringe in front of you and ask for elem
ency."
II still don't understand you. You
married two women, and want to get q
divorce from one of them. Why, sir,
your crime is a penitentiary offence"
you are a leetle too peert, Governor.
didn't marry but one woman"
''Then how did you commit bigamyP"
"By marryin' once too often.
shouldn'ter married at all. / want a
divoce cause 1 have reasons. can
put up with a good deal, but when a
woman pours skillet of hot grease on
me, then weaken. She even went so
far as to poison my dog, and put soap
on my shoe-strings, but looked at her
with sweet, sad smile of recognition.
Then she put q lizard in my shoe and
set fire to my cotton britches, when 1
wasn't lookin', but l looked at her in
lovely meekness, but, sir, when got
down by my bedside to pray, and She
poured a skillet of hot grease on me, I
arose to my full height and caved.
That's the sort of man I am, and
that's why want pardon
"a pardon-why my dear sir, you
have the wrong idea of a pardon. You
have not been convicted of any crime,
and cannot extend executive clemency
where no punishment is prescribed"
''Mebby 1 amt made myself clear
enough. I'm goin' to get me plow
line an whale that woman till she CAM t
stand up. I'll be arrested an tried an
sentenced. want pardon certifyin'
that my crime is excused by the Gov
ernor in view of the facts, so when they
come and want to put the clamps on
me, can haul out the papers. Don't
you see?" and he tried to punch the
states chief officer among his executive
ribs. Cant do that, you say? Well,
suppose you give me a paper statin'
that I've been drawed inter this thing,
and that amt as big fool as the man
what clim tree to tell the man that
chopped which way it was goin' to fall,
but that 1 am so devilish near it that
all the fun has sifted through. Won't
do that evenP Well, suppose we &C
down an take a snort What, dom
drink? What sort of man are you:
reckon your election must have been
a mistake, but dinged if can see how
you hold your Office. Chaw flat tobacco
all the time, reckon. Well, after all,
you have got suthin' to live for. Good
day, sir, an if the state ever diskivers
my 'complishments an puts me in here
to take your place, don't hesitate tc
call on me when you want a favor
I low to make change in this Office
from skull-cap to shank. .''-ArkaaasGl
Traveller.