The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-06-30
THE AMERICAN HOG.
[W,lliamspor; Grl,.

e--4S - AlE Allctl-A1 hog. hCL
IS a hog because he IS one. |, is the n
ture OF the beast And that's Just VIVA,
the matter with this spec1Ssen OF ours
he's hog because he can't help il. H
Is strangely akin 10 Inc genus Szs. dis.e.
ING DRY IN the way he gets around anon.
people. We suppose il was because =.
,ar introduction OF TINS new species tn
Germany refused 10 admit within he
ooroeTs the domestic animal so popala
among American people. We don
Diane Germany one DIT. The original ho.
MAS al right. but II became contamina,e
and exceedingly demoralized. and Ger
many passed Law. and said no, Hurrah
for Germany. Bur this dom; help .
The hog has been forced back upor
America. and We are compelled to give i
name. SO we have called it. The
American Hog" This includes a wide
range OF natural specimens. We have
hrst- the social hog. He Is very do
mestic beast, and everywhere presen,
You run agains, him on the street. a; So
ciai gatherings. and all places OF amuse-
ment. he Is al every supper and ball.
where he can eat and dance for nothing
Is. he Is even IN love. BIT; always With
siris whose papas support fine rigs and
tasi teams This, We suppose. was the
reason the dog carr came into the
market. There is Sigh, mistake in the
name. however, but II can be easily COZ,
reeted. II should be spelled with an
HI. Then we have The street car hog
who always torgeis 20 pay his five or ten
cents until the driver stops. Then he
rnds II convenient TO &c, or. or If he PAYS
a FfEe< - haAa h 1.
keeps decent people standing. The rail.
way hog never buys a ticket and neret
sees conductor. He is alw avs interested
win sightseeing. and the window is his
attraction. 1t the conductor happens 10
Tap ann on the shoulder he got on az
the last station and : 10 get of a, the
next. lie then rides until he Is asair
noticed, and either pays few cents
more o. gets OF. We have neNt. the free
lunch hog This specimen stands mar
oii iot some beer. and while talking Of
Tue weather. the recent sensation. the las.
'o.sH game, Ac.. Ac.. eats : < worth OF
lunch, ana without thanks or excuse sud.
cenly Tanlshes. and is street dude until
again hungry. Then comes the tobacco
hog he asks for a chew. calls your
attention 10 something across the way.
bites on enough 10 Stop a leak In
steamship. and Il opportunity presents
Itself. puts the res; N his pocket. Closely
AKIN TO THIS specimen Is the cigar hos
HIS money IS always in the hotel in an
other pocket or he Is Jus; on the poiu; Of
drawing. He never draws. however, or
II he does he never sees you until he
wants another cigar. Next we have the
church hog. He walks very promptly
into church on Sunday. takes pew
No. 50 "a $50 per year one in another
mans name, places his cane, ha, and
umbrella by his side. and never sees the
owner of the pew, who perchance comes
a few minutes late. He takes I'D A whole
pew, and is very much interested with
the choir until the collection plate has
passed him. He then begins fumbling
through his pockets. but. OF course. never
succeeds in placing the half dollar on the
plate. which he holds in the presence OF
every person sitting near. and watches
anNlously until the plate starts back on
the home stretch. He then forgets him.
self and takes up 4 hymn book Then
comes the opera hog, who buys second
class ticket, climbs over the ochestra
railing. sits and EN- oys the drama for two
hours and is then mad because il did
no, last four and wants his money back
at the door. We must no, forget the
hotel hog. He is always calling
:" waiter, waiter" comes in last. and
wishes to be observed first. takes every
thing the bill-of-farc can furnish. and
eats bananas and oranges while his order
is being filled. Bu, this hog is so COM
mon that we pass him by. and come
directly To our last specimen. the news
paper hog. What shall We say: Don:
imagine we are stuck. although We ad-
mn, that we have been stuck BY this thing
many times. We could I'LL volumes with
more facts relative TO this newspaper,
specimen. but We will MOI: We will ius,
note one or two prominent, facts and
place him among the res, and call him
an American Hog" AS soon as he
nnds his neighbor takes daily paper he
IS no longer a subscriber and never paws
back subscription. He never advertises.
He likes putfs. and will take them by the
wholesale. He will Sit for hours and
read exchanges. and always grumble be-
cause somebody has taken his paper"
He then takes another paper. which be-
longs about as much 10 him as the for
rner. and leaves, expecting puff because
he came 10 see you. DO you ask whats
worse than a hog" We answer. ,wo
hogs. especially when both are newspaper
hogs.