Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1883-07-31
BRIGHT BITS.
THE distant relative is the one who is
afraid that you are going to borrow five
dollars from him. Teas SiftiRgS.


afraid that you are going to borrow five
dollars from him. Teas SltipgS.
''AH. I'm saddest when / sing"
She sang in plaintive key,
And all the neighb0rS yelled
$50 are we. so are We!
\ CINCINNATI woman knocked her
husband senseless with copy Of the BIZ
BILE The old version is good and strong
yet.-ErchGRge.
.'WAKE Up, husband, the day is break
ing" said the fond wife. ''Well, let it
break: it don't owe me cent" grOwls
the heavy sleeper.
THE HIDDEN HAND'-Three aces and
pair of kings the poker player slips up
his sleeve when he gathers up the cards
to deal.-NOrriStOlen Herald.
NEW JERSEY not only does not allow
her boys to use tobacco, but she refuses
them intoxicating liquors. Where is New
Jersey to get her Presidents and Congress
men:
DON's INSIST: When a lady who has
been taking music lessons for the last
eight years hangs back and bushes and
says she really can't play, don't insist on
it. The chances are that she can't.
my WATCH BELOW is the singular
title. of the last novel, The writer's time
piece had probably. by reason of hole
in his pocket, found its way to his boot
via his pants leg PiHsburg Telegraph.
AN ENTHUSIASTIC country exchange
remarks: "The hills and valleys are car
peted with the verdant growing crops"
4 neat idea. The carpet, strictly speak
ing. is of the ingram variety -PttSbUlg
Telegraph.
MA" said Jennie Paryenu, at New
port. '.they say those Smiths who have got
the Jones cottage are awful stylish, and
have got a pedigree" Got the pedi-
gree. have they?' said Mrs. Paryenu,
excitedly: "well, you keep away from
them. for l don't want you to catch it,
WHEN the editor proposed and was ac-
cepted he said to his sweetheart: Il
would be glad if you would give me
kiss then, observing her blush, he
added. ''NOt necessarily for publication,
but as guarantee of good faith" She
could not resist that.-SomerUilte journal.
You may say what you please, but
| there is luck in hOrseshOes. A man
| nailed one up on the fence not long since,
and a week afterwards his wife, who
used to wear out the furniture on him,
| eloped with a friend to whom he was
owing $40; so he got rid of two incum-
| brances at once.
sSIRr' Indignantly cried the Iowa edi-
| tor, Selling his inkstand, ''the influence
| of my news paper is not for sale, / would
/ have YOU informed" But" he added in
| a less warlike tone, as his visitor rose to
| depart, ''fOr something pretty neat !
might be induced to rent her out to you
| for this campaign"
NO, YOUR HONOR said an old often
der at the bar of justice; don't send me
| back to Concord again. With the lnsur-
ance presidents, town and mill treasur-
| ers. and defaulting bank cashiers and
such, its society is getting too exclusive
/ for me: in fact. / can't find nobody in my
own set to associate with but the Keepers
A VIGOROUS old fellow in Maine who
had lately buried his fourth wife was ac-
cOsted BY an acquaintance, who, unaware
Of his bereavement, asked: Chow is your
wife. Cap'n PlOwjogger?" To which the
Cap'n replied, with perfectly grave face:
Nv aal. to tell We the trewth / am kinder
out of wives just nOw."-B0StoR Com
Ltercidl.
DO YOU KNOW. AIRY, them bloody
Hamericans is hactually Initiating the
Henglish:' '.HO, yes, Hiy'heard o that.
But we mustn't be hangry, AIRY. No,
AIRY. we mustn't be hangry. Let US
hextend to them 'elping and, is my
motto. We can haffOrd to be hamiable,
you know, so long as they don't hask for
hanneXatiOn. "-LOndOH Truth.
Two BOYS stood in front of the World
office one day during the week. The sub
iect of their conversation was lies. 81
don't believe there's ennybOdy in the
world that never told a lie," said one.
s'TIl bet ten cents know anewsbOy what
never lied" Chow old is heE" 'He's as
old as u.s." ''FIl bet yer' The money
was put up, and the first speaker placed
the pools in his pocket, remarking: cts
Mickey McGarry. He's deaf m dumb,
m wus born that way"