New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-05-09
An Experiment.

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For some weeks past the Secretary of
the club had been in correspondence
with John Quincy Adams Boggie, of
New Haven, Conn.,, regarding a ma
chine brought out by that person called
the ''Acme.'' The machine was de-
signed to remove corns, reshape the
foot, relieve chilblains and make bow
legged man walk with the grace of a
king. It was finally agreed to pay the
inventors fare one way if he would
come to Detroit and exhibit his ma
chine before the club, and in case it
would accomplish what he claimed for
it sixty-two members would take ma
chimes and pay spot cash.
MIR. Boggie arrived in the city day
or two ago, and Paradise Hall was
scarcely opened for the regular weekly
meeting before he showed up. Much
curiosity and interest were exhibited
by members, and Samuel Shin, Young
Hyson Smith and Whalebone Howker
could hardly wait for the meeting to
open.
Brother Gardner not having arrived
at 1880, Sir Isaac Walpole took the
chair and opened the meeting, and it
was then announced that s'The Acme''
would be exhibited.
Mr.. Boggle made a brief address,
stating his claims and hopes and inten-
tons, and the machine was placed on
the floor and made ready for trial. 1t
was walnut box about two feet long
by eighteen inches wide and q foot high,
and in the interior was a curious COM
plication of wheels, knives, springs,
files and jack-planes. The inventor
said he would first like to try the ma
chine on a bow-legged man of sangnine
temperament, and after some hesitation,
owing to his excessive modesty, the
Rev. Penstock came forward. In his
youthful days he one day fell off the
roof of shed and landed astride of an
inverted six-pail kettle, and ever since
that hour he has had a pretty fair-sized
tunnel under him.
Every voice was hushed and every
eye peeled as Penstock placed his two
feet in the box. Then came the whir Of
machinery, and one could hear the click
as the jack-plane struck gravel-stone
or horseshoe nail imbedded in an old
callous or corn. Fifty seconds dragged
themselves. away and then came tear
ing, grinding SCUM |, followed by loud
report and a shock which upset two
dozen members. Cog-wheels flew
around the hall as thick as snowfakes,
and Penstock bumped the ceiling and
floor alternately dozen times. For
the second time in the history of the
club a foot-compressor and bow-legged-
remover had exploded in tackling it's
first victim. The members crowded
around Penstock, and in the excitement
and confusion John Quincy Adams
Boggle rushed for the street. As he
went down stairs he was hit in the back
with an old iron kettle, but this only
helped him along the faster.
When something like order was re-
stored in the hall it was found that
eighteen lights Of glass were broken,
smashed and the floor badly torn up.
As for Penstock, it was sad. When he
got upon his feet it was found that his
toes turned in at such an angle as to
bring his knees inside of his legs. He
was assisted down stairs to be taken
home on dray, and the announcement
of his death at the next meeting would
surprise no one. Brother Gardner came
in about the time the pieces had been
picked up and quietly observed:
IF man am purity let us forgive his
lies an tricks an sWindles. II he has
small feet let no one AK whether he pays
his debtc. If his ha'r curls doan quesh-
I'm his gineral intelligence. If his knees
hang plumb sot him down as an orator
an scholar. If he has small feet,
doan' hesitate to lie him take your mon
~ an invest it for you. Let us now
begin work. = Detroit Free Press.