News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-02-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

A NIAN.has invented a chair that can be
adjusted in 800 different positions. 1t ls
designed for a boy to sit in when he goes
to church.
A WESTERN man who sold a valuable
mine for almost nothing, complains tnat
he did not know it was lode-cd.--I'htIo'
dellohia Ne108.
A MULE never kicks the same object
twice. Probably for the same reason
that lightning never strikes twice in the
same place-it doesn't have to.
PROPOSED change of name: A CORE
spondent suggests that the name OF
Washington be changed to Whitewash-
ington, on account of its facilities i'll that
| line.
A RECENT trial has elected the fact
that many German girls cultivate their
hair for sale. American girls do the
same thing, but the girl always goes
with the hair.
"OH, AUSrY," cried little Amy in the
nursery the other day, make Freddy
behave himself; every time l happen to
hit him on the head with the mallet he
bursts out crying"
JUNIOR Qaboriously). Der Buch
ist-" Prof. G. "HoId sir. Did you
ever see a book of the masculine gen
der?" Junior promptly. Yes, sir.
A hymn book, sir
AswE shall issue no calendars for 1883
parties who have sent a three-cent stamp
for one will please call at this Office and
identify their property. Boston Com
merciaJ BmHctin.
''AH," said a fond mother. 81 should
be glad if my boy were to marry-then L
could train his wife - 1t seems to come
natural to a woman to be a mother-in-
law.-Erchange.
WHEN a colored man gifts ter be so
well educated dat he doan' believe in de
Bible, he has lost his identity as a Mig
ger, but yet amt ftten ter be classed
wild de white efolks.-Arka11sa1O TraUeter.
KEELY, we are informed is still prose-
cutting his labors. Some of the stock
holders would like to see Keely treated
as he is treating his labors. They would
like to see him prosecuted. - Boston
Transcript.
CHARLES father wished to find out
his sons bent, so he asked : "Charlie,
what are you going to be when you
grow up ?'' ''Going to be a man" came
4lo+ CrnO1
thing to be?"
AN exchange contains an article en-
titled "Curious Facts About Precious
Stones" One of the most curious facts
about them is their elusiveness-their
-get-ableness, so to speak.-NOr-
TiStOlUn HeGrld.
A DISTINGUISHED violinist went the
| other day into hairdresser's to have his
hair cut. ''You, really, sir, ought to al
| low me to take little more off, if you
do not wish to be taken for a fiddler"
said the operator.
A FAcET1oUs boy asked one OF his
playmates how hardware dealer dill
fered from bootmaker. The latter,
somewhat puzzled, gave it up. "Why,
said the other, ''because one sold the
nails, and the other nailed the soles.
AN English servant girl who had re-
turned from the United States, to visit
her friends at home, was told that she
'looked really aristocratic." To which
she responded: eyes, in America all OF
us domestics belong to the hire class.
INGERsoLL thinks Moses made mis-
takes. but he is very sure Stephen w.
Dorsey didn't. In spite Of Bob's assur-
ances, the general public will still be
lieve that Moses would have been bet
ter man in Dorseys splace.-BoStoll Post.
JOURNALISTIC recruit: " Father, l wish
to live so rs to show the world my con-
tempt for wealth, remarked young
philosopher, who was Just recovering
from the effects of a fifty-cent cigar.
''That's easy enough, said The old man;
" become an editor. "-BrOObly1 Eagle.
OU1DA says: ''Some lies are blessed as
truth Well, ma'am, you've got right
onto the facts of the case. The one that
makes your wife believe you were at a
church meeting when you were at vari-
ETY. show is generally more so.-BoStoe
Post
ONCE, when Edwin Forrest was playing
William Tell in Boston, Sarnem, Cess
ler's lieutenant, should have remarked !:
81 see you love jest, but jest not row
Imagine Forests feelings when that
worthy exclaimed: 81 see you love
Jest, but not jest now"