The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-02-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

1t is said that great Improvements will
be made next year in railroad restaurant
sandwiches.
You can give man the cold shoulder
| and not hurt his feeling bit if you only
60 at it right. 1t should be cold shout
der of mutton.
''Never kiss anybody on the mouth"
says DR.. Hall, ''unless you are reckless
of consequences" What, do they ever
bite? No matter-we are reckless.
A young woman who has wart on
her nose complains that when she has
cold in her head it makes her nose
warter
The zodiacal sign for the opening of
Winter is goat. The goat is hard
butter, and hard butter is almost always
a sign that the weather is cold.
Hes grown to be polished gentle
man, anyhow" said an old lady, gazing
fondly as she spoke at the shining bald
head of her son, just returned after o
long absence.
Previous to 1850 the French would not
eat potatoes, it being supposed that they
would cause freckles What harm would
it have been had there been freckled-
faced nation?
Said doctor to a lady patient: you
must take exercise for your health, my
DEAR ''All right" she said; "rll
jump at the first offer" They were
married shortly afterwards.
..What is virgin forestp" asked an
auditor. ''Phwat is a vairgin forest is
it We want to know? A vairgin forest,
Al s L.
niver set fut, bedad."
"And what do you call that?" asked
the inquisitive visitor, pointing to a mu-
tilated statue. chat is torso" re-
piled the sculptor. 81 M" muttered
the visitor; .but how did it become tore
so?"
A man at hotelfell the whole length
of flight of stairs. Servants rushed to
pick him up. They asked him if he
was hurt. mo he replied: mot at
at all. I'm used to coming down that
way. I'm a life-insurance agent"
One of the Aides on the military staff
of the Governor of Ohio has wounded
himself in the leg three different times
while trying to draw his sword, but he
is going to persevere until he can coop
cI tnc ploptI oCSic.
A man named Darrell lives in a town
in the western part of the state. His
friends say: eff you flour Darrell with
whisky he gets staving and hoops 'er up
so loudly that policeman chimes in and
heads him for the cooper some other
place of confinement
A party of young men dined sumptu-
ously at restaurant and each one in
sisted on paying the bill. To decide the
matter it was proposed to blindfold the
waiter, and the first one he caught
should pay the bill. He hasn't caught
any of them yet.
An Illinois court has decided that a
woman's lie about her age doesn't viii
ate her insurance policy. The Judge
thought that Il they expected a woman
to tell the truth on that point they de-
served to be swindled.
Said the owner of the pottery-works
in reply to a question by a visitor: mo,
we never have any work lost. If dish
or cup comes out badly, So that it can
not be sold for the purpose for which it
is intended, we dispose of it for bric-a-
brac."
Jones having invested in silver mine
is puzzled. He has been called upon
for an assessment to build works for re-
ducng the ore. He always thought the |
object of mining was TO increase the ore.
But Jones is not an expert and he don't |
know much any way.
Some one pinned card of ..Warrant-
ed FRESH to the cloak of q Chicago |
woman, the other day, and she walked |
tho Straatc fnr. two bpnrS with II Nn,p
her husband wants to give one hundred |
dollars for the name of the miscreant |
who did the advertising.
''Come here, my little fellow" said a
gentleman to a youngster of five years,
while sitting in a parlor where large
company was assembled; ''do you know
me?' .'Yeth thir'' ''Who am I?''
''You it'll the man who kithed mamma
when papa was in Albany
''How do you feel, my little man?"
asked q youth of his sweetheart's little
brother. The young fiend looked up at
him sidewise, aud with a grin respond
ed: Il feel just as if I'd like to have a
dime" He got it, but his prospective
brother-in-law now avoids the health
question.
He was lisping drummer and had
pretty good opinion of himself. He said
to his partner at dance in town not
far from Boston, Il wanth you't tn to
understan' that Pm no ordinary wun-
ner. l belong to the firm of Jones &
Thun. My father is Jones and I'm thee
Thun.''
''Protoplasm,' remarked the Profess
sor, sis composed of carbonic acid, wa
ter and ammonia, in which compound
the water largely predominates. To
what conclusion does this lead?" The
pupil was boy and not easily stagger-
ed. He answered.: ut leads to the con-
clusion that dad never takes any proto-
plasm in hist H."
A Southern three-miles-an-hour rail-
road has started a chicken train. Hens
are gathered up at way stations, and
on reaching the terminus the eggs
which they have laid while en- route are
sold. By this means people at the fur
Their end are kept supplied with fresh
eggs. By the Old plan they always
spoiled.
Eli Perkins and Soiourner Truth met
the other day for the first time. Eli was
quite overcome, and remarked: lis it
possible that You have lived to be 100
!
years old and we never met before?
Where could have been?" Wandering
in paths where truth is never found, /
reckon" pointedly returned the CEN
tenarian.
1t is now alleged that the rings seen
on the section of tree are no certain
indication of the age of the tree. 1t is
the same with the rings on a girls fng-
ers-though when her digits are gar
nished with half a-dozen. the inference
is, that, although she may be 80 years
old, she lacks the sense of the average
girl in her teens.
The startling discovery has been made
by Nj. Pasteur that the saliva of a per-
son fasting is venomous, as it contains
parasites which will inoculate Break
ing the fast deprives the saliva of its
poisonous quality, as the parasites are