Morning journal and courier., 1883-09-11
TICKETS!

railroad conductor was recently chosen deacon of a church. When it became his duty to take up collection, he surprised the congregation by starting out with the oharac- teristic ejaculation, s'Tickets gentlemen!' ID The contribution that day was large.
 lady who, seeing among the religious mo- tices that pastor of neighboring church would preach, t'D. V.," on the following Sab bath said she would go and hear him, pre- suming, as she did, that the subject of his discourse was "Dolly Vardens. .''-Judge.
 young lady was passing through street in Pittsburg when she heard woman calling stSally Mary!" Just then passing some little girls she said, Sissy, your mother is calling you" Whereupon the child replied, "Her ain't calling we. Us don't belong to she."
 '.Please give me ten cents to buy a drink of whiskey?" implored tramp. The money was given him, and few minutes later he was seen coming out of 8 baker shop with loaf of bread under his arm. Indiscriminate charity is to be condemned. Express.
 q understand that you referred to me as pig, sir," remarked pompous elderly gen. tleman to 8 young man who had spoken dis paragingly of him to third person. 'You have been misinformed, sir," replied the young man; 'I hope know better than to refer to 8 person of your advanced age as pig. Post Express.
 At the recent Freethinkers' convention at Rochester, few days ago, 8 woman speaker asked that women have more recognition in the walks of Hfe." If the fashion reports from Paris that crinoline is rapidly growing in responsiveness are true, women will soon need more room in the walks of ife-espe- cially sidewalks-if not more recognition Norristown Herald.
 Had been called: "Your crop seems to be considerably in the grass, " said paaser by to negro who sat on fence. ''Yes, sar, -g-1 . ! plant yourself2" ''No, sar, planted bout 'nuff.' ''Why didn't you plough it ?" ''Wife tuck sick. She does de ploughin' fur dis place." s'What do you do ?" What does do2 Ipreaohes dat's what I does. Elf Providence comes along an makes de oman sick, kain't hep it. Is been called, has.''-Arkansaw Traveller.
 q was winding up into Cooper Institute the other day, when suddenly came upon large, benevolent-looking man curieusly run ming his eyes over the directory. Just as came opposite to him he started back, evi- dently in great excitement, and pointing to conspicuous sign on the board he read in aloud. wild, rapid tone, Free School of Art and Design for Women. Great heavens!' he exclaimed, his voice choking with emotion. This ought to be stopped. Our women are Q thousand times too artful and designing already. This must be stopped and inQuir- ing of me where the nearest police station was ne Sprang l1rouSh bne "AnooH anu WaS gone. Judge.
 The other day when old Maj Solman an nounced his readiness to proceed in the di. rection of the church, his wife appeared wear ing 'Mother Hubbard" dress. The old man intently regarded her for 8 few moments and asked: ssMary, what sort of Q coat do you call that ?" 'tIt's Mother Hubbard Jeems." ''Air you going to wear ito church ?" "Why, certainly, Jeenas. The Mother Hubbard is all the fashion now, "WelI, I'm glad to hear It." the old man replied; "just wait until I get ready, and we'll go." The old man went out into the kitchen, took couple of meal sacks, cut the bottoms out, sewed the tops together and put them on in imitation of pantaloons. When he returned his wife uttered 8 cry of astonishment and exclaimed "Great good ness, Jeenas what's that?" tsFather Hub bard" :" the old man replied. You're not a-goin' to wear them sacks, are you!" "1've got to be fashionable te keep up with you. I've got as much right to wear these meal bags as you have to gs in that bran sack" s.I'll take it of" stAu right; of goes Father Hubbard,' ,'' and turning away he add ed to himself: 'tOnly one way to beat a woman, and that's by agreein' with her. If it hadn't been for the Daddy Hubbard I'd been in mighty bad fix. ."-Afkansaw Trav- eler.