Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-02-12

There is a man in New jersey so mean
that he talks through his nose in order to
save the wear and tear on his teeth.
A Tennessee town had 10 dog fights in
one day, and a prominent citizen had TO
leave the table seven times before he fin
ished his dinner, in order not to miss any
fun.
A South End woman keeps only one
servant to do her work, instead of two.
She says help are always leaving, and
when you are left alone it's much easier
to do the work of one servant than of
two.
''I'm glad Billy had the sense to marry
a settled old maid" said Grandma Wink
um, at the wedding. Goals is hity-tity,
and widders is kinder overrulin and up
settin'. Old maids is kinder thankful and
willin' to please
She went into a shop to buy some toi-
let soap, and while the shopman was eX-
plating on its merits, about made up her
mind to purchase, but when he said it
would keep off the chaps, she said she
didn't want that kind.
Two hundred thousand people are ask
ed to contribute nickel apiece to build
church in Texas. 1t should be called
the church of st. Nickle-us, and when it
is in operation it is to be hoped the old
Nickel have less to do in Texas.
| Down in Opelika, Ala. when they see q
| politician in the streets they chase him
! into the nearest saloon, and give him his
| choice between ducking and treating
the crowd Citizens aren't quite so ca
ger to hold Office down that way.
That was a frank reply to a friends
intimation of his approaching marriage: :
81 should make my compliments to
both of you; but as l don't know the
young lady, can't felicitate you, and l
know you so we'll that / can't felicitate
her."
An English brewer, observing one of
his men wearing the total abstinence blue
ribbon, suggested that it seemed some
what inconsistent with his line of busi-
ness. "Well, SIR" he said, ''you see, it
makes folks like to tempt me, and then I
succumb."
If iron foundries, instead of shutting
up in times of depression, would turn
their attention to making cast-iron toys
for children, they would soon have all the
spare cash in the country. What parents
are mourning Tor since Christmas are toys
that won't break when you wink at them.
The Detroit Neoes says that Tecum-
sch belle is to be married in pair of silk
stockings which her grandmother wore
when she was married, forty years be-
fore That doesn't hold candle to the
story Of the Vermont man who was hung
in the same paper collar which his father
wore at the battle of Bennington.
DR.. Gunther says there are 1000 species
of fish now known to men of science
When a man sits on the river bank half &
day watching a cork idly floating on the
stream, and comes home with a sunburn
ed nose and not single specimen O.
these 1000 species, he is inclined to thinl
that DR.. Gunther has made a mistake o.
several thousand.
1t was the hour of morning prayer il
the girls school at Hamilton, Mo-, say'
the New York Tribune, and the pupils
, were performing their devotions with be
coming reverence, when one of them, il
the act of seating herself after the sing
ing of hymn, missed her chair and cam
down upon the floor with what the Mis-
souri, papers would call sickening thud
t The other girls with extraordinary sell
{ control refrained from laughing, tn
+ teacher did not observe the catastrophe
the unfortunate one in her confusion an
embarrassment remained upon the 1ool
and the exercises might have been COZ
cluded without interruption except fc
one of those extraordinary and maliciou
C condolences which are forever upsettin
IS every calculation. The teacher arose an
giving out the first lesson of mornin
prayer read from the fifth chapter of Amt
> as follows: 1.-THE virgin of Israel has ia
J. len; she shall rise no more; she is TO
saken upon the land; there is none
: raise her up" This was too much.
long suppressed litter prevaded tt
lis school room, the teacher looked up, al
TO
he the deyOtlonal exercises closed 1OftnWlt
or
The publishers of The Richmond. Va. Enqui
heartily recommend DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup and
= at has been well tried in Office and compost
~ ROOM and has cured city editor Of very bad
ID. of bronchitis