The Portland daily press., 1883-04-30


man who returned TO the scene Of his former
after having doubled the fortune he
made there by judicious speculations in stocks.
Lowell Citizen.
II orsford's Acid Phosphate In Sick Head
ache.
DIR. FRED HoRNER, JR., Salem, Va,
say: II know of nothing'oomparable to il to
relieve the indigestion and so-called sickshead
ache, and mental depression incident TO Ger.
tain stages of rheumatism"
The report that Mr., Gladstone will Wait
America IS premier tour.--The Drummer.
Why is a deacon like hat band? Because
he passes around the hat.-Burlington Free
Press.
Quantity in medicine Is no indication of
value, Ayers Sarsaparilla is concentrated
and powerful; requires smaller dose, and Is
more effective, dose for dose, than any other
Sarsaparilla. 1t is the best of all blood medi'
cines.
People who go crooked here cannot DO ex-
pected to enter into the straight gate above.
"The demand for spring poetry is light"
remarked the editor as he touched a match 10
pile of words that burn. New York Com.
mercial Advertiser.
The Hop Plasters have wonderful sale,
aud why? Because they cure Back Ache,
Stiff joints Pain in the Side and all Soreness
H.. l. A.. 81
druggist, % cents.
For five dollars an ambitious young women
can learn to spoil the best photographs ever Ia
ken, by coloring them SO hideously as to shame
Nature.-New Orleans Picayune.
1t was Vassar maiden, fresh from school
that requested her father to s'articulate the ell
ovation Of Hermes in the crystalline tube"
when she wished to know the temperature.
Puck.
Nobody should neglect cough. Take Hale's
Honey of Horehound and Tar iastanter.
Pixies Toothache Drops cure in Que minute.
Rotanists report the discovery, among the
fora in the far West, OF plant whose stalk
resembles the human leg. OF course this must
belong to the leg-human,ous order.-Rome
Sentinel.
Down in Natchex, the other day. sweet po-
tato exploded, nearly killing the lady of the
house. America gave ireland the common Pc
tato; now is she to give her dynamiters the
sweet potato as an offensive weapon?-Hart-
ford Post.
The great sale OF Swedish Remedies is aston
ishing, and for enriching the blood, creating
an appetite, or strengthening the whole system
nothing can surpass these remedies.
The little bird bath-tub dishes in which
vegetables are served at most hotels somo PEG.
pie think are intended to eat from or out of.
instead of transferring the food TO the plate
aud the result is an exhibition OF table manners
that would disgrace Soldiers Home or half
orphan asylum. do not wonder at the OBJ
servation of the Frenchman at a Western
hotel: "Ze pc bple look like ze shentlemsn un
re lady, mails, by garl gay eat liker re pigl'-
Hotel Mail.
On the street: II understand that you own
great many houses and small farms in the
suburbs" "Yes." do you live on any of
them?" 'sNo." sThen you don't raiss any
thing? "Oh, yes; every spring / raise the
rents. "-Philadelphia News.
Sanford's Ginger for weak ssomachs.
A French investigator finds that, in proper
ton to its size, bee can pull thirty times as
much weight as horse. Tho unfortunate in
dividual who accidentally unset beehive il
firmly convinced that the French investigator
is eminently correct in his assertion New
York Commercial Advertiser
Unanswerable; Priest-"Pat, understand
you are going to be married again. Disconso
late Widower-"Yis, your riv'rence." Priest
But your wife, Pat, has only been dead two
weeks ID. W.-"Yis, yer riy'reace; but
shure amt she as dead now as she liver viii
be?"-Harvard Lampoon.