Morning journal and courier., 1883-12-04
REMEDIES.

If your wife faints do not spoil her dress by dashing pitcher of water over her. Loud ly kiss the back of your hand. She will i'm mediately revive and want to know who you were kissing. Do not tell and she will not faint any ymore.-Philadelphia Call. Bass, who has been abroad, describes his experience on shipboard es follows: ''You see, it was very rough. The steamer kept going up, up, up, and then down, down, down; so after awhile my stomach stayed up and the steamer went down. ."-Boston Tran script.
 The time for securing divorce in the Chi eago courts has been cut down to forty mln- utes and the hotel keepers are kicking about 1t. They want it extended to at least six will have to stop long enough to eat at least one meal.-Philsdelphia Chronicle. s'Yes," she said, ''Mary came near being an old maid. You gee, her father was govern or, her brother 8 colonel and her brother-iu- law scientist of note. Being of such 8 dis tinguished family she had to be very psrticu- lar who she married, and she came billing near not getting anybody. y."-Boston Post. He was a very thoroughly reformed gam bier and they were glad to elect him deacon of the church; but on the very first Sunday that he assisted in taking up the collection, when he met the senior deacon up the chan eel, he whispered softly: ''Bet you fifty even I've raked the biggest pot. Puck. 'sPat, why in the name of Jupiter are you lying there with that stone on your stomach?" 'Be aisy now! Oim jist carryin' out hint oi got from the docther. He guy me diyil av a dose this mornin, an sez he, Pat, me an, bs jabers, of it's reduoired, I'll put anith- CT shtun atop O this but oi'll do it."-Yonk- CTS Gazette.
 sGood morning, children" said an Austin physician, as he met three or four little chil- drsn on their way to school, ''and how are you this morning?''
 .sWe darsn't tell you,'' replied ths oldest of the crowd, boy of 8.
 ''Dars not tell mel" exclaimed the physi- cia1,, land why not?"
 "Jauss, papa said that last year it cost hiRa ov.r fifty dollars to have you come in and ask us how we eare."-Exchange.
 THE OLD MAN LINGERED.
 The girl stswed on the burning deck,
 For R0ckawAy ahe fled;
 The sun, which blszed down on her neck.
 Turned all her treases red.
 Yet innocent by pa she sat,
 Shot from bsnesth her saucykat At every ManIike form.
 Pa left to zee q friend, he told;
 And then her smile was sweet
 On MT. Jones, who, growing bold,
 Took by her side g seat.
 The boat rolled on. Jones would net go
 Without her fathers word;
 That father at the bar below Her laugh no longer heard.
 She called not loud: ssstay, father, stay,
 Until nay task is done"
 She knew too we'll the old mans way,
 UAconscicus of her fun.
 The wind had freahsned to gale;
 The boat tossed the
 "Oh, miss, cried Jones, sswhy art thou pals?
 Why talk'st thou not to me?
 sSpeak rnafden!, once sgain he cried;
 stArt ailing? Tell me quick"
 And but the dropping maid replied:
 t.ohl I-I feel 90 siek."
 Upon her brow there came his breath;
 He Bmoothed her fEizzled hair.
 She looked for all the world 1ko death,
 He looked like grim despair.
 She murnured but oncs more aloud
 tsOh, Jones, . baain-qutckF'
 Not one was left, for in that crowd
 Each female, too, WAS sick.
 Oh, where was gallant like to Jones;
 Or. rather, one 50 hat2
 With one heroic smile he groans:
 Here, darling, is my hat.
 There came . bnrat of lightning sound;
 The girli-o1. where was she7
 A-spoiling Jones hat, which crowned
 His cup of misery.
 ohi knishts of old and heroes rare; Ohl lovers, think of that,
 The nobleAt thing which perished thers
 Was Jones' new silk has