The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-07-12
A joke ON q Soldier.

soldiers who meet at reunions have be-
come dignified and forgotten how to
have any fun when they get together.
This is the greatest mistake that was
ever made. We suppose there was more
fun to the square mile during the reun-
ion here than was ever enjoyed since
the world began. Among the Chicago
| boys, as a guest, was Theo II. Davis,
the artist Of Harper's Weekly, who was
all through the war, and whose pencil
has caused many battlefield to be
impressed upon the minds Of hundreds
Of thousands Of people who were not
there. There was one Of the Chicago
mon who sometimes took a little too
much wet stuff, and who was little
excitable when full, though f0yal
good fellow. The visiting, the music.
the marching, the cheering and the ex-
element of the reunion, with a little
dust OF liquor, had made him feel quite
excited, and he wanted to fight his
BATTLES over again, but the boys kept
him quiet, and finally got him to bed,
and soon he slept like a log. The boys
were in the room telling stories, when
some one called attention to the sleeping
comrauc, and i'll Il second all idea oc-
Cured to Davis, the artist. He said he
would go to his room and get his water
olor paint and brushes, and somc court
plaster, and paint the face of the Sleep
ing comrade 80 he would look as though
nc had been in fight, and beon knocked
all to pieces. The boys said it would be
good idea, and pretty soon the artist
was ut work with his soft camel's hair
brushes, and tho boys stood over tho
artist and his human canvas, holding
their sides to keep from roaring. The
artist first painted two black eyes that
you would swear had been made by u
MANS fist. Then he painted swelling
on one cheek, and on the forehead ho
painted what looked as though a sledgc
hammer had mashed in the skull and
left the brain oozing out. Then the
artist took some strips Of court plaster
and stuck one across tho painted broken
nose, another across the mouth, sealing
both lips; and tho boys stood back to
look at tho stricken man and wait for
the court plaster to dry. The scene
was SO real that one of the boys actually
turned pale while looking at the sleeper.
The boys held consultation and agreed
that when their friend awoke they
should look heart-broken, and make
him believe he had been mauled out Of
oil human shape and they got strange
veteran from Oshkosh to personate q
doctor. After little the sleeper began
to wake up, and one Of his friends took
seat by his bedside, took hold of his
pulse, aud as he opened his eyes tho
friend said:
Now, don't exert yourself, and don't
Try TO talk. Tho doctor says you will
e al right if you remain quiet"
,nd ,Ihe % victim Of the joke opened his eyes
smu .s wa was golmg to "ok what in Gehenna
stand around like lot of pall-bearers.
when he found his mouth held together
by court plaster, and his voice sounded
like Il man with a hair-lip asking some
body to 60 to the devil. At this point
Lu Drury, one Of the jokers, was having
trouble to keep from laughing, so he
put a handkerchief to his face, sobbed.
and said, My God, boys, this is horri-
ble." The victim looked at Lu, and
would have sworn his great heart was
overcharged with grief, and he tried to
talk, but the court plaster would not
permit linn. At this point the Oshkosh
Vlllaln, who acted as army surgeon,
went to tho bedside of the wounded
Aaal, relieved the other watcher, felt Of
his pulse and said:
"Don't be discouraged, my boy, we
will pull you through, II you do not get
excited. have cured worst cases.
Then he took pair Of scissors and
cut the court plaster that held the lips
together, and said:
"There, how do you feel nowP
DON'T talk much, but don't you feel
relieved :"
The victim looked at the doctor and
at the boys who were picturesquely
around the bed, and said
DOC, for Gods sake, what has hap
pened to me ?"
The doctor told him to be quiet, and
then whispered to him:
"You have had the worst fight that
a man ever had and lived. A man at
tackled you on Wells street with view
OF robbing you, and you defended your
self, but it was a hard struggle. Mr..
Drury, please hand me that hands glass.
There, you can see for Yourself. There
Is confusion of the brain, the eyes are
dlscolored, and 1 thought your jaw was
broken, but as you can talk l guess it
is only fractured. But you ought to
SEQ the man that jumped on you.
much. You will look better to-
The victim took q long look at him.
self, and tho first thing he said was:
Is the other fellow alive ?''
It was all the boys could do to keep
from bursting, but they kept sober
faces, and the doctor said the other
fellow was alive, but he was the worst
used up man he ever sewcd up. He
said one arm was broken and one eye
gouged out, and his face looked as If q
pile-driyer had struck him. The victim
smiled q satisfactory smile as he heard
how he had whipped the other fellow.
Then the boys asked if he had any mes
sage to send home. lie took the mirror
md looked at himself again, and said:::
4" Telegraph for my wife, That was
too much. and the boys roared and the
doctor tore off tho court plaster from
his nose, another fellow brought wet
towel ana the paint was washed off, and
when ho was clean the boys handed him
the mirror, and he looked at himself
again, and then saw it was a joke, and
no wanted to kill some Of them, but
ust then a colored boy brought up a
couple Of bottles of wine, and the injured
nan got up and the war was over. But
or q couple days, if,any body said, g Is
,he other fellow aliyes?'' 4 or q Telegraph
my wife, in his presence, his hand
instantly SOUGHT hia 3niotOl nnnkat sNha 9t