The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-08

unhf dear. MluA slAhl 4 NiANN aNNhss
exclaimed the new reporter alght ABOUT
Ssce, said the city editor.
A s.. Louis msn images he has been TO
bsayen. lie has probably seen chicago III
his dreams
secondhand clock won't bring much,
go, M one Would want n clock with the SEQ
ond hand omitted
Chicago mau who has been pumped
ont with a stomach pump says 1t is twice
As bad as dying
law Gould says he "thinks ne has his
sbars of hte'S pleasant things 1t seems
be has altogether too many shares.
Detroit man eau use MS nose for
,li;ard enc, He has 10 chalk his feet be-
fare making shot in that way.
The average stay of servant girls in fami-
Ias is less than seven weeks, taking the
country over, II yours has renamed eight
weeks you are entitled TO wear grin of
triumph.
A Philadelphia thief shaved oil his side
whiskers with dull jack-knife in hopes to
avoid recognition, His face looked as if a
dozen tomcats had pastured in it tor twenty
DAYS
Hereafter no patent medicine can be sold
In Italy unless its precise composition is
stated, III Will Uc ullllCuiJ IbE Nlit lhAhtTS
10 do this if they use city water.
e. has been married SIX months. His
mother-in.law rings, enters and embraces
her son.in.law. Then taking him by the
hand She says: II wish you everything
, hat Won desire "You are very hard upon
yourself - replied c..
People who live remote from the sea
shore can make a very good artificial clam
/ r,funn of N SupI an a al, ~
and eating it when it Is about half cool
4 This is rather bettor than the real clam, but
II will give the inlandcIs an approximate
/ idea Of the luxury.
Brooplyn young man who comes 10 bid
n his sweetheart -by--"Well, Lizzie, I'm
off to Cincinnati tonight" Lizzie, whose
q eountenanCe is expressive OF the utmost
4 alarm-"Of for Cincinnati Why, gracious
\ goodness, Charley, thought you told me
d YOU cJuld.'t swim"
The king OF the Sandwich Islands locks
himself IN when he gets drunk. IL would
be well if some Americans were To initiate
his example instead Of going out in the
highways and byways and offering to licS
\ oil creation and occupying both sides Of the
street at oAe time.
A scientist says that on the moon there is
mo water, not green thing, not even any
weather Tor Librarians to discuss" Ouf
world has more weather than we know
what to do with, and Il lot of moon-siruck
individuals are trying TO increase the vari-
ETY.. The moon is to be congratulated.
The New York Commercial Advertiser
says there is u beggar i'll washington who
stammers so much that II takes him several
minutes to ask for "c-c-c-c-c.cent." As il
may take him several hodrs to get one, he
L.. F.s,I To-,
for a cent, when he could ask for a d-d.d-d
d-ddollar just as quickly.
Dumpsey went hunting the, other day
and took Johnny with him. They aaw o
rabbit and Dumpsey drew up and shot
The cap exploded and there was a long
sputter, and finally, just as Dumpsey took
the gun down, the charge went off. When
they got home the folks asked Johnny what
luck they had. On" said Johnny, "paps
saw rabbit, but his gun stammered 80 he
couldn't hit it,
breakIasted with Vanderbilt, the other
morning, at the Fifth avenue mansion.
had eggs and bacon, while he INDUCED il
mush and milk. Can you recommend
any young men us hoarders2" he asked me
Business is bad. New York Central anC
Lake Shore are low, and ia like to let tive
or Three of my hall bedrooms at $40
week and board. 1t would help mo on
considerably"
Toto is crying very hard. What IS tht
matter?' asked enc of her fathers friends
81 have lost two cents that mamma gave
me" THAT is not difficult loss TO re
pair, replied tho friend; there are tWI
cents" An instant afterwards Toto wa
crying harder than ever. What are yOI
still crying fpr?'' asked the gentleman. "I
am crying" said the arttul baby, "beoaus
II had not lost the Two cents | should nov
have four"
ITEMS or INTEREST.
Eleven drunkards iroze to death in Iowa
last winter, under prohibitory law.
Jay Gould is reported to have wept at
play the other night, and the unkind Pos
suggests that il was because he had givel
up Sl5O for reserved seat.
Connecticut advocate of total absti
nence concluded that so long as the stat
displays on It's shield three vines, "emblem
of drunkenness" the cause of Temperance
will not prosper.
During the past three years ivory Ia
risen Mt least 100 per cent. in value, IN,
pearl, which is also largely used in haftln
cutlery and other goods, has advanced yer,
materially in the same period.
A Pawtucket man IAN able. bodied and me
chanical expert, has four children, be
tween The ages of 0 and l6, but none o
them are allowed to go to school. "The
are my only support" he says; and the
work in mill, while he does nothing.
1t came out in evidence before the hous
Of commons select committee on pawnbrok
ers in 1870 that the number OF pledge
taken annually in the United Kingdom
amounted to POI, 600, and in London t
from thirty to forty million. The proper
ton OF stolen articles was one in IA, 200.
Portraits of professional beauties hav
ceased TO be in demand in London; onl
the portraits of actresses and notorio u
women have now active sale. Taking IL
the photograph OF notorious actress
lately mentioned in divorce case, leaC
ing photographer said the other day; -
have to print thousand Of these now f
one of the Princess of Wales
Although Kansas has for eleven yea
had n capital punishment law, nobody hC
been hanged except by lynchers. Und,
the statute person sentenced to death
hrst imprisoned year in the penitentiar.
and ii, at the expiration Of that time, Il
death warrant is signed by tho goyerno
the execution takes place; but otherwi,
The imprisonment continues,
Nevada is about done with mining, ana
now inclined TO become an agriculture
state. II has large tracts of land upon wh,c
only the sage brush, cactus and greasewoC
grow, but which become productive wht
streams are turned on. 1t is proposed I
rrigate these deserts at public expense ar
reclamation commissioners have been q
pointed to investigate.
The theatres Of Europe are now l,457
number, and Italy heads the list of natio
IN point of the largest share. She has 81
rs against 337 in France, l04 in German
100 IN .spail, 100 In Great Britain, 1872
Austria and Hungary, A In Russia, 81
Belgium, T. in Holland, 20 in Switzerlan
is In Sweden aud Norway, 10 In Porting,
~ In Denmark,i in Turkey aud in Greco
The number OF suicides In the Genni
army has Of late bean increasing at
alarming rate In 1870 there were l95
lNSO tho MI IN hrr rnsn IN lln and In 1881