davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06
THE LOCAL HIT MAN

The local hit man Of the mHstre l show IS a great humorist. He has no education and could no, couple two sentences of English to save his life, bu, he is the man to plunge an audience into roar of laughter. All tha, is required to accomplish this fea, is to mention the name of some man who lives in the town, some very IA, or extremely lean fellow. This Is pure vii, and persons who could not find gllnt of humor in the entire range of English literature, yell and swell up and explode, and look around to sec if they can single out the crushed victim. When he IS found they nod and grin A, him, and a rough fellow sitting near him slaps him on the back. and exelaims . '' He go; you that tlme-er haw, haw he put il on you-er he, he" The Douglass Jerrold of the stage is called back. and while he rakes the strings of banjo, says :: ~ Oh, yas. go, de bes' lookin gal in town. Oh, she's awful fine. Got foo, like Colonel yaglin's." Another roar Colonel laglin's face grows as red as a terrapins eye, and he tries 10 laugh. His friends slap him, and the fools ID front Of him turn around, stare impeni- nen,ly and explode Ten dollars week IS not salary commemorate with the accomplishment of the loca! hit man, and the manager should better reward him. ln fact, he should kill him.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06
AN ARKANsAw JUDGE
rells . Sad Story of an Early Ex-
 per,enee.

"when 1 take dinner anywhere" sad one of Arkaasa~s supreme judges. !" always think of an incident that oc. cured in my boyhcod days. oac day my father sen, me over to assis, neigh. bor m piece of work. and a, dinner ,he farmers vile seemed particularly anxious tha. should ca, enough.
 ".oh. do have some more cabbage. she would say. hcaping my plate with ano,he, help of the vegetable. Pap. pass the bread. for he amt ea,in ne,hln' Have some more algs. Le, me helr you to the greens To you like slas le, ,ne help yen. Have some more cabbage, l q, me help you to some more chicken
 "she kep, on this way until l could hardly sec over my plate. Good man ners suggested to me that i, would be an evidence of III breeding not 10 show ap- pseciation of the wom an . kindness. and that I did net ca. everything she pu, on my plate. she migh, fancy an insal, ,o her cooking. kep, on eating and protesting, until d, last when got up from the table could scarcely walk.
 "rhA, evening. while on my way home. passed the eo~-lot where the farmers witc was milking. Two of three aeigh. boring women were standing around, and heard the farmers wife saying some thing which though, concerned me.
 What. that bo, 7" she said. 'lneves seed child cat so n my lie. lie cat. An eat. an eat, nl he was n, to pop. 1 never allow any body to go away from my table hungty. an when he'd look up ~,,h sort oi hungry 'spsess.oa Ike, I'd pile Il on his plate. hope to never stir agin. if he didn', cat a whole headsof cabbage
 "' Don't you rc,kin he g,,s enough to ca, a, hsmc z one ef the women asked.
 "'lt peers not. replied the tanners wife. fur as tell you he eat. an eat an eat. til he ~a, hi to pop. didn't want to tell hlm ,o gut. an pap he wouldn't say no,hin'. SO le, h,m cat Never seed anything like |, I'll declare to good ness. 1 though, he would pop before he 70, through. an when he go. up he stood afoun' like he was Tn misery. He may ge, enough a, home, bu, hope never to str sgin fl he didn', cat. an eat. an eat. tiIl he ~As At to pop. Cabbage ts his strong holt. and thought tha, old \ ., Walker could beat anybody ea,in' 'em. bu, tha, boy could make hun asha ned oi himssif'
 "' line eses comes ,o my house. I'll know ~ba, to cook, sad one of the wo- men, and A climbed the fence and sneaked away, heard the farmers wife say, hope to never sur again, if he didn't eat, an bat hutried away.
 The report ,ha, was the gfeases, eater in the country ~sa soon circulated and for years af,sfsaiia the people called me cabbage. Now, when take dtnnsr A, A pIace and the hos,ess insists oa my eating more than l want. 1 tell her shy some Of my old friends addseas me as Cab.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06
MUST BE PARTICULAR.

"Whar yer g~ine wid dz, man 7" asked a negro of his daughter. He amt 6;ten ter 'comp'ny yer"
 "Gxine ter de show the girl replied
 @Dats all right Thought yer was gwine ter church. 4 oman ken go w.d mos any man ter show, but she's go; tes be mighty per,ic lar who goes ter eEarch wid her.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06

"Why are 70 % exorbitant in your psioesg' aslred s man q merchant .weii,- he replied, .I got into tho habis of charging double price tor svssyshisg. when kept hotel as Hot Spsiags, and find it impossible to break myssH q its
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06
THE RIGHT OF CONQUEST.

Why do you make such face in taking tha, medicine: asked wife oI her husband. "You pour i, down Tommy"
 @Yes, because l am stronger thar Tommy. If Tommy were stronger than l, he would doubtless pour ii down me-
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06
LIM WINGS.

George Washington, in advertising a large tract of land lying along the Ohio river, said that a city would eventually be built on the described section. Gin cinnati now stands on the land. Even as land agent Washington wouldn't tell a te,
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06

Joe MeCullagh, of the Globe Demoeraf says that Mfr Tilden is very strong man ia the east. Mir. Tilden is a strong man anywhere. A man sho can pull up stumps or handle an iron safe, is not only a strong man in the east, but would be regarded as putty stout" fellow in the vest.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06

Italy has eigh,y-three humorous papers, and in that sunny country of soft skies and large fonts of vowels, the banana peel joke IS worked for all that it is worth. The Italians are full of humsr. There was Boccacio, for instance. He was a pasagrapher of marked ability, and though sometimes a trifie loose in the way he slung his matter together, yet he was widely quoted. Even in this country you can see traces oi Italian humor. The organ grinder and his monkey, like Hans Christian Andersen. turn with tender soliciiude to the entertainment of chil- dren. It is true that business men and dyspeptics do not place very high estimate on the grinders monkey busi- ness, but we ali know that as men grow old, they find less entertainment in hgh, humor and more enjoyment in the sar- castle expressions of cynics who attemp, to prove life failure There was time vhen the exuberant gush of the organ grinder delighted us bu, now very little of his nonsense goes a long ways. kighsy-three humorous papers. No wonder SO many Italians willingly leave thsir bright country and live a malarial aiie in the swamps.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06

The Arkansaw editor who went on the excursion 10 Louisville sent the following to his paper: '' Locals scarce as hens teeth. The cotton crop will be short. No town in Arkansaw can boast of so many pretty girls as our own. The absence of the editor accounts for the small amount of original matter this week
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-10-06

A man who had for several months tried to make a crossroads newspaper one of the journalistic successes Of the age, thus bade his patrons goodbye :; :. When assumed editorial control of this paper, l stated ,ha, was aware of the great responsibility devolving upon me. In this erred, for was not aware of the complex duties that awaited me. now find that canno, stand the responsi- bi.i,y. Under ordinary circumstances l can work with consciousness that am doing my bes; and am willing to le, it go at that, but the present position of trust Is too much for me. By the time this falls under the eye of the public, will be far away. leave at night, for there are many people in this town whom canno, bear 10 bid adieu, and who might per suade me 10 stay. The large sum of money which the inhabitants of the town owe me, will, hope, be devoted to the es,ab- hshment of charitable institutions"
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15
MARSEILLES MAIL.

We have been very seriously annoyed b,
the miscarriage of our package OF 'ht
FREE TRADER to Maeseilles, as have been
our readers there We find on inquiry al
the Ottawa post-oilce that the clerks there
have taken more pains with that mail than
is required having made up bag for
Marseilles alone; but by a singular care
lessness on the part of the railway clerks,
the bag has not been thrown of on reach
Ing Marselles for several weeks IN success
sion, SD that the pacKagc has not reached
Marseillcs until Monday. Complaint has
been made to the superintendent OF nails
and we believe that in the future there
will be no delay, and the paper delivered
10 subscribers at Marseilles at about noon
Saturdays.
In the case of Norway and Danway
mails the best time that can he made un-
der this arrangement sia the Murseilles
Somonauk Star Route, will be to get the
mail there on Monday afternoon about 2
O'Clock
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15
THE MILD WINTER.

There was slight interruption yes,el-
day of the Italian weather we have been
enjoying in this region for the last three
or four weeks, the first snow flakes of the
season having been seen yesterday morn
ing floating in the air, the thermometer
dropping TO below freezing point The
sun has come out SO genlally, however,
that it looks at present rs If the cold snap
was to be of short duration.
Ot course the newspapers are full OF
spcculatlons in regard to the mild weather
that has so marked the present season, md
number of theories are propounded tosac.
count for 1t. One observer is sure that
tropical currents have broken up the ice
drift along the arctic coasts of the CONT
nent; others ascribe the warmth of the
weather to an unusual development of GER
tain teuuric forces, about which they are
IN doubt aud want Information, and yet
another writes mysteriously about changes
in the angle of the ellipse." These theorists
manage to differ on all points save the one
with respect to which every one held the
same opinion before they began to explain
it-that the weather Is remarkably mlld
for the season.
Over in England they are just as much
at sea as We are here. The British news
papers have given up searching for the
cause, and have contenIedly accepted the
fact. They call the season the inverted
year" and with some cause. tor the chest
nut trees have blossomed in several places,
daises and other Wild flowers have sprung
mp, and In at least one Instance, recorded
BY the London Standard, a couple of game
birds, deluded into the belief that spring
had come. rushed precipitately into the
bonds of bird .wedlock, built them nest,
stocked It with eggs. and INDUCED the
Wild hope Of rearing an early brood, until
one fine day rambling ornitholog,st DIS
covered their tiny home and bore II Of
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

Fiske Il BEEN have but ONE PRICE for the
Same article OF clothing. no matter who the
purchaser may be or what time OF day he
calls.
Now some other FACTS based upon the
above, are given in the following paragraphs
and will be especially applicable to the pres.
ent time:
Ladies' looking for Christmas presents
should remember that q nice pair of gloves,
q fine neck scarf, or L beautiful dressing 9o,cn
make handsome present to father, brother
or lover. You can always get suited at the
one prize store OF Fiske & BEEN.
nice hat or cap, or nice robe, would
be very acceptable and useful present for
and you can get them cheap and
good at Eske i Beem's.
Laborers and mechanics who want q good
deal for little money should call at Flske &
Beem's and buy their under clothing.
Buck gloves and mitts cheap and good at
Fiske 4 Beem's. The or prize s,oys takes
the lead in everything.
No shoddy, no shop worn goods. no jew
Ing, no Misrepresentation allowed ct Fiske &
Beems ore pri.x store.
Some think . nice vslise or trGnk would
b. epod for New Years. See them at Flake
& Beem's eNe priv s.or.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

new press and presents cleanly printed
aud handsome face. We are also pleased
t, notice that II has greatly improved OF
late edtorially, much new life and vigor
being infused in It's columns, the result, we
see II limited, of the proprietor having at
last rid himself of some long standing and
narassing financial embarrassments. Mr.
Dowdall IS one oi the recognized demo-
cratic leaders Of this state ana one OF the
foremost political editors, the Democrat
under his control, being second to no other
democratic journal in the state IN point OF
editorial ability or widespread influence
~ party organ. In the pending presl-
DENTAL contest, ii Dowdall keeps his coat
oif and pitches IN" with his aforetme
ability and vlgor, the Democrat will un-
questionably be the leading democratic
or9an of the state.
We shall he pleased to club the Democrat
with the FREE TRADER at S22j for the
Weekly Democrat and FREE TRADER, or
IS so for the Daily Democrat and FREE
TRADER for one year
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

Attention is called TO the superb stock Of
watches, clocks, jewelry, &c, which fills the
store OF d. Hess to crowding, The scarcity
OF room prevents Mr.. Hess from really show
ing the magnitude Of his stock, but the visi-
tor can readily see that nothing Is lacking in
assortment that makes u COMPLETE jewelry
store.
A full line of all goods adapted to the hOli-
day trade, including holloware, solid silver
goods, gold watches, an elegant assortment
Of ladies' and gents jewelry Of the very best
and latest patterns, &c. can be found here at
prices that will astonish and please all who
wish good, first class articles at low prices. He
has the largest line Of clocks Of all makes
and new and beautiful designs in Ottawa, and
a splendid assortment of gold and silver
watches, all movements and warranted. Be.
sides he has tilc and large stock of dn-
monds, some Of them Of the purest water,
car and finger rings, breast pins, chains,
charms. and everything in his line. Because
of the dullness of trade the present season,
Mr.. Hess will dispose Of this large stock at
the lowest living prices, and asks you to give
him trial before buying elsewhere.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

DIED-In Montrose, Pa, Dec. 9th, Mrs,
Elizabeth Chandler.
She was II widow and leaves one child,
boy ten Years old She was daughter OF
Alison Woodruff, 4 former prominent citizen
of Ottawa, and the sister Of Mrs. y. W. Rath-
bun aud Thomas Orton, OF Chicago. After
spending the summer with relatives in this
state, she ad returned 10 her home in Penn
sylvana last fall to spend the winter. She
was in perfect health until Sunday, the 3D.
when she was taken with erysipelas, seated
in the brain, the disease making such rapid
progress that she died before any Of her Hi
nois relatives reached her bedside. She was
born and raised in Ottawa and Of course had
many acquan,ances land warm personal
friends here, to whom her sudden death is n
genuine shock.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15
The Ottawa Bridge.

During the week Just past the Ottawa
bridge question has received considerable at
tentioD, with new phase on the face of it,.
A joint meeting of the special committee Of
the city and the commissioners of the two
towns was held one evening and the conclu-
sion then arrived at was that the city had no
right to proceed with the building-that that
responsibility rested with the commissioners.
Subsequently the latter officials resolved to
call special town meetings 10 Ottawa and
South Ottawa and submit the question to the
voters.
In the meantime Commissioner Skinner,
OF South Ottawa, has addressed letter 70
the Attorsey General asking his opinion and
the townships liability under the law, stating
the situation fully. This opinion when re-
celved will govern his, and probably Others,
iu their acts in the premises.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

The trial of the men accused al the out
rage on Emma Bond, the school teacher
near TaylOrville, Christian conniy, a wear
ago, commenced under "a change of venue
10 Montgomery county, at Hillsboro, on
Monday. Considerable difficulty was
found to get a jury. one having been ob
tsined, however, by Wednesday.
One incident was significant On Tues.
day Miss Bond made her first appearance in
court accompanied by her mother. At the
time John G. Montgomery, one of the de-
PENDANTS, was sitting in position where he
was shielded by counsel from Miss Bonds
view. Suddenly one Of the counsel moved
TO the left, and Montgomery was exposed
10 her gaze. HIS eyes lowered and he
trembled, and attempted 10 raise his hat to
hide his face, but was too late. The Sigh,
Of the face Of the man which she only re.
nembcred In connection with her great
wrong, utterly Frustrated her, and she fam,
ed, and amid murmurs OF sympathy was
carried from the court room.
On Thursday Miss Bond was pu. upon
The stand as principal witness for The pros.
ecution, and told The story OF her wrongs
in slow but very positive and dlst,nc,
manner. fully identifying Montgomery,
Pettis and Clement, the three accused, ss
the guilty parties.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

The mystery IN connection with Zors
Burns, the lady VITO was murdered thre,
months ago at Lincoln, ILL.,, deepens. The
latest developments have led to the arres
OF a man named John w. Hunter who IL
believed to have IN his possession the LOST
satchel, etc. lie had been in Carpenters
employ for some time and boasted that
before the murder, Carpenter had offered
him $500 to marry Fora. He ls not be-
lIeved to be the murderer himself but to bt
IN possession of important evidence.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15
The trouble between France and Chi

The trouble between France and China
OF which hopes were still entertained OF a
peaceable solution, have encountered an
unexpected and most formidable compli.
cation. The new king of AMMAN, with
whom the French had formed their latest
treaties under which they claimed to oc-
cupy the country, has been poisoned by his
subjects, who have risen en- masse, repudi
ated the treaty with France, and resolved
to drive the French out of the country
Admiral Courbet, commanding the French
squadron IN China, has notified the French
government that 1t Is imperatively neces-
sary TO Immediately reinforce the French
army in Hue.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

PARNELL-Ihe Rotunda at Dublin was
packed on Tuesday night, on the occasion
of the Parnell testimonial and banquet.
Davltt made the opening speech and was
followed by Parnell, who arranged the
Irish executive for tyranny and oppression
asserting that Earl Spencer was only a
bottle holder to Buckshot Forster" AT
the next election he expected that eighty
Nauonalists would be elected, and with that
number Ireland could say how England
would be govcrned--w whether by Wings or
Tories Parnel was presented with a
check for e2S, 900. the national tribute, by
Lord Mayor Dawson
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15

daged the leg above the wound and the
bleeding ceased. Ed. wanted to walk
to the cabin, but he was carried there
and laid on some blankets. Mr.. Il.
asked HIM how it happened: but no re-
fused to tell. A party was started Tor
doctor and another for wagon. MIR.
r. asked him If he was in PAIN and he
said. mo sir. | couldn't be happier. y
He said repeatedly he was all right and
he'd be hunting in a couple OF days
again. Mr.. Il. asked him If he would
have drink. He said he'd like some
water, took drink and in few min.
utes he said, "Y Ou take my watch and
revolver, you can take care of them
better
These were his last words. He breath
ed naturally few moments and then
suddenly and without warning to the
agOniZed brother-in-law, VINO was sup
porting him, expired, dying without
pain, cool and collected to the last.
He probably refused to tell how the
accident happened, as he was rather
sensitive over the matter, since he had
been accused of being careless with lire
arms.
1t is Mr.. Ruger's opinion that he had
been lost but had seen the signal lire
ard found the old camp when he heard
the shots. lie thinks in attempting to
answer the shots he pulled the revolver,
which was OF - calbre, from his hip
pocket and it was accidentally discharg-
ed. The flash burned his pants near the
pocket and the pail entered the flesh at
the center of the right leg and passed
down, making only flesh wound to The
knee. The surgeon gave as the cause
of his death the severlng OF the sciatic
nerve and consequent shock.
As soon as possible men were sent for
wagons and physician. but the unfortu
nate young man was dead before the latter
arrived. The physician was also coroner
ana the inquest WAS quickly held. The
body was then taken in temporary coffin
to Minneapolis, where the casket was OBJ
tanned, and the body accompanied by Mr..
and Mrs. Kruger, proceeded to Ottawa.
The funeral took place at ~ 80 Sunday
and was largely attended. After services
at the house the funeral party proceeded
by special train 10 La Sale, where more
friends of the deceased and his family
Ioincd them The body was then 1epol-
tied in the grave, Rev. Mr. Day perform.
ing the ceremonies.
The Ottawa free trader., 1883-12-15
CONGRESS-.

The only action of the Senate durlnl
the few bret open sessions it held this
week was the arrangement on Monday offs
committees for the next two years. While
substantially they were intended to remain
as last year, the retirement Of old and the
induction of new members necessitaed a
! number of changes John Sherman was
defeated in his aspirations to be placed al
the head OF the Finance committee, the
position being given to Morrill,. In his
huff Sherman would take no other impor-
tart charm anship, and the only committee
he is chairman of Is that on the Library.
Miller OF California is chairman Of Foreign
Affairs, Hill of Colorado of Postal Affairs,
Malone of Public Buildings, and Riddle
berger Of Manufactures. The honorable
positions thus gwen the Virginia members
so pacified them that they agreed to attend
the Republican caucus and take seats on
the Republican side. Logan remains at
the head of the Military committee, but we
see no important chalrmanship given to
our new senator, Cullom.
Edmunds has resigned the presidency Of
the senate and The place will be offered to
Anthony of Rhode Island.
The senate Republican caucus to elect a
new set OF officers was held on Thursday,
anu The first notable thing it did was to
give Mahond black eye by defeating
GOrham, his candidate for secretary. Ma.
hoAe is disappointed and dlsgusted and Is
trying to organize bolt. The man nomi
mated was Gen. Arson McCook, one of the
famous fighting McCook family. The other
nominees Of the caucus were Canady of N.
c., editor of the Wilmington Post, for ser
geant at arms, Mr.. johnson of st. Paul for
chief clerk, James II. Young for executive
clerk, and Rev E. f. Huntley of Wisconsin
for chaplain.
The House held but two sessions during
The week, both Of which were taken up by
the introduction of new bills, S24 being
presented on Monday aDd 400 on Tuesday.
The only rifle" IN the house occurred
on the introduction, by Mr.. Hewitt, of a
resolution to bring 10 the notice of the
president the case of O'Donnell, who claims
10 be q citizen Of the United States, and
The President to procure delay of his cx.
,cution until that question can be settled.
The resolution was adopted. To large
delegation of democratic members of con-
yress who waited on the President on Sat-}
lrday with the same request he promised
hat the State Department would at once
elegraph to Mr.. Lowell, our minister at
London, to make all possible inquiries IN
'egard to O'Donnell's citizenship and what
,ould be done tn his behalf.
The House of course can do little bus
,ess until Speaker Carlisle appoints the
'tanding committees. AS that is a joS
III new speakers are expected to spend at
east two weeks over, little can be expected
If the house until after the holidays