Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-04-08
PITH AND POINT.

A CELEBRATED physician says one
third of peoples complaints are purely
imaginary. This can not help being
welcome news to those who have snakes
in their boots.
SPEAKING of cremation, Blobbs re-
marked: "Well, would rather not be
burned after DEATH" "Then," remark
ed q friend, "you should mend your
ways at once"
ANEW YORK museum man wants to
have contest for homely women, but
can't get any entries. It is very difficult
to find women who think themselves
homely enough to compete.
One of the saddest moments in life is
when a man is looking through an old
vest and thinks he has found 10-cent
piece, which, when brought to light,
turns out to be cough lozenger.
HOSTESS: "What, must you go al
ready, Professor?" The Professor
"My dear madam, there is a limit even
to my capacity of inficting myself on
my friends" Hostess no-not
at ALL assure you'll"
JENNIE JUNE declares that there are
no scientific dressmakers in this coun-
try. The trouble is the fashionable
dressmaker lavishes all her scientific
attainments on making out the bill.
There's where all the science goes.
THE mistress has gently reprimanded
her maid for oversleeping herself in the
morning. "You see, ma'am," explained
the servant, "I sleep very slowly, and
so you see, ma'am, it takes me much
longer to get my full sleep than it does
others, you see, ma'am."
A PENNSYLVANIA paper tells of
family which has been poisoned by eat
ing pie containing arsenic. It seems
like work of supererogation to put
arsenic into pie. A pie that cannot kill
family without the help of arsenic is
very weak pie indeed.
"WHAT is the difference betwane the
youths and the Minis departments at
the big clothing shop?" asked an Irish
man of friend; and, receiving no re-
ply, he continued, Because, at the wan
I buys me clothes, and at the other I
clothes me- b'ys." -Haruard Lampoo1a.
AT SUPPOSE when women get their
rights" said the young man in the flat
hat, "you girls will be making love to
the fellows. 1t must be awfully nice to
be made love to. you know" eyes,"
replied Angelina, "only one wants to
choose ones lovers" The next moment
the young man in the fiat hat was stand
ing alone, feeling fatter than his fiat
hat.
In town not many miles from Bos-
ton, man stepped into a neighbours
house where he saw the head of the
family lying upon his back on the floor,
and his wife standing over him, as he
thought, with threatening air. He
was about to withdraw, when the pros
trate man shouted, "Come along in,
Steve; she is only chalking me out
pair of pants"
"How DID you come to break off your
engagement with Miss Snowfall ?"
asked Uncle Nose of Andy Perkins, an
Austin darby. "In de fust place, Uncle
Nose, she wasn't berry young, and she
didn't hab no money, and jawed like de
debbel; secondly, she wouldn't hab me,
and went and married anudder niggah,
so tuck de advice oh my frens and jess
drapped her, "-Teras SJti1egs.
AN impetuous Vienna lover kissed
his sweetheart on the ear, and from
that moment she was deaf. Married
men must be careful when they salute
their wives with connubial OSCILLATION,
although there are some wretches de-
PRAYED enough to try the experiment of
kissing both ears at once if they thought
it would insure total loss of hearing
on the part of their better halves.
A GENTLEMAN at the theater sits be-
hind a lady who wears very large hat.
Excuse me, madam, but unless you re-
move your hat [ can see absolutely
nothing" Lady ignores him. Excuse
me, madam, but unless you remove
your hat something unpleasant will
happen" Lady ignores him again.
Gentleman puts on his own hat. Loud
cries from the audience: "tTake off that
hat! Take off that hatw Lady thinks
they mean her hat, and removes it.
"Thank you, madam"
AN impecunious young lawyer, one
day, requested a private interview with
one OF the wealthiest men in Austin. AS
soon as the door was closed the young
lawyer said, earnestly: "Life is a bur
den to me unless you consent to my
marriage with your daughter. [ come
to ask your consent" The wealthy
man, who did not have much use for
lawyers, replied: "To which one of my
daughters DO you refer? Ihave three"
Colonel. refer to whichever one you
want NE to have" was the candid reply.
TEXAS Strings.