Smyrna times., 1883-06-13

" VI va AAHNNS NAAS AAetA AnukO
the dude.
Statistics show that boy babies are
more apt to die than girl babies. Bows
can't stand continual hugging as girls
can.
What is the best thing to do when
you wake up at night and see an armed
burglar in your rOom?-J W. W.
SnOre.
A 100000 saloon is being fitted up at
San Antonio, Texas, and the $500
church is being enlarged and rewhite-
washed.
How did it happen that nearly all
the old Quaker families became veal
thy?-.Strdnger. The fashions never
changed.
A dollar of 1904 was sold in New
York for $40 Dollars of 1904 seem
to be even more scarce than dollars of
later dates.
Rotten Gooseberry is reported to be
the fashionable Paris color for ladies'
dresses. Next we may expect "un-
Matched chicken" among the new
shades.
General Sherman is said to claim
that he has kissed so per cent. of all
the pretty girls i'll the country. Should
another war break out it will be easy
enough to get volunteers.
This is the season of the year when
the summer hotel that never advertises
is "refurnished and renovated" by
putting a new cuspadOr in the office
and opening the front door,
On Chestnut street: "Hello. how are
things in Jersey?' Doing first rate.
| just rented my farm for the Summer
But where will you live?" "In
Philadelphia, of course; rented house
yesterday Pm in for comfort, l am"
Tennessee has passed u law to pre-
vent the sale of intoxicating liquors to
minors without the consent of their
parents. But what Tennessee most
, needs is law preventing the sale of
liquor to parents without the consent
of their children.
5 You know the great dam that ex-
4 tends across the Mississippi river at
4 Minneapolis, known as the Falls of st.
e Anthony? Well, Senator Bayard has
S sent for that, and it is surmised that he
is writing a speech about Carter Har-
5 rison.-B"rlingtOn HaWkeye.
n King Omoru, one of the sovereigns
+ OF the African coast, is dead, leaving
n 7O6 widows and 1000 small children to
/ mourn his loss. AS citizen he was
h universally esteemed and in private life
,f no a Lind ht1Shnp1 III
: father. Gone but not forgotten.
= A Canadian social scientist declares
4 that in long experience and observation
n he finds that, with no exception, the
20 applicants fer divorces are blondes.
70 This is no doubt true. Mighty few
men are reckless enough to abuse a
brunette more than once-not if she
finds it out.
The coronation cost the Car SO, ,OOO.-
600. Foolish man. Why did he not
in put the money in his pocket, sail for
le America and have a good time. He
could live in big city during the
Winter, go to a seaside resort in Sum-
ie mer, and even visit Niagara occasion
OF ally with that sum.
d, An old photographer says that as a
rule polished society people and
country gawks are equally awkward
eS when sitting for a photograph" We
al shouldn't wonder. The sight of those
w instruments of torture back ofthe chair
tie is enough to knock either native or
lg acquired grace out of any one.
Register Bruce objects to the word
"colored" because it is apologetic in
IFS tone, and says he is a negro and is
on proud of it. There is a still better
ne reason which Mr.. Bruce appears to
OF have overlooked "Colored" means
ers having color. Black, however, is not
OF a color, but the absence of color.
IN.
ers Why should an organ in church be
Heaven Edith. Yes, we believe they
re- do; but harps, you know are alway:
10 tuned before being played on. Organs
hn do not get tuned on an average oftenel
MS than once in q century. That is why
Tor an organ is wicked. 1t makes people
rec swear.
en
me Hundreds of pianos in Boston are
Al tuned by graduates of an institution
for the blind, and their work is said tC
be perfect. This is long step in ad
'ks vance. A great many pianos which
md we have heard in this part of the eoun
to try seemed to have been tuned by
out graduates of an institution for the dea
md and dumb.
ate
red New York has had great compli
me meAt, The COmmeecidL AdUertiser tell
rm that Farmer Furrow, with hayseed il
on his hair, is shutting along with moutl
| nd mid 10 4 hn nv
claims, but this beats Punkinville al
holler.'" This acknowledgment @
W ~ superiority will doubtless set the NeV
3rlls Workers delirious with Joy.
auy He had at last screwed his courag
lIhs to the sticking point and had com
ilss determined to pop the question. 81
'teu Miss Blank imp" he asked of the nev
essi girl. "Indade she is that" SIS sh
leln engaged?" "Bless y'r sowl, but you
'nle think so if yez could see her and ths
are young man on the psrior sofa just nov
,atS Do yez want to see her?" But he ha
'esn 'tH fed.
nth, A self-acting sofa, just large enoug
her for two, has Deen invented. Hproperl
800, wound up it will begin to ring a war;
,eks ing bell just before 10 o'clock. At on
| albCA AZ SPINS op0AkS @&A
ade while one-half carries the daughter
md the house up stairs, the other ha
own kicks her young man out of door
The They will come high, but people mu
With have them,
,ars,
Just New York girls, according to Il
nal, Graphic, have become so English
that they will not 60 out on the stree
nior unattended. They must have chap
ed q rome to parties and the theatre. "Tht
h is won't go about with young men alone
milk Considering what imbeeile dudes
was large proportion of the New Yol
our young men have become, we do N
was blame the girls bit,
milk ~ -
ister FoE RENT.-In the great and gloriol
ausl- West, q large farm with good building
the The house and barn have all the mo
rned ern improvements, including hurrical
! his cable, tornado cellars and cyclone we
re fifty feet deep. The crops are all
MON, and firmly chained to the ground. \
n. l.. Il