The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-03-31
A SIMPLE REMEDY.
promotion


stairs. Eek.
The import of this little paragraph is liza
BILE to be missed unless special attention is
directed to it. The fact that the subject is q
woman, and that she resides in Ohio, prob
ably does not affect the general proposition.
But that this woman coughed, and coughed
more or less, is significant. The period of
her coughing nineteen years-is remarkable.
Now, if she coughed night and day for nearly
score of years, she must have lost consider
able sleep, and having much time for medi-
tation and experiment she must have tried
great many remedies. In the way of cod
liver oil she probably consumed several bar
rels in the regular way, besides bucketful
or two Of it when not otherwise employed.
She made poultices of hops and
bound them on her chest went
to Florida and ate whole wagon-loads of
oranges, made trip to the Hot Springs and
boiled herself at the rate of So day. Her
husband began to take some interest as the
years rolled away, and very likely bought
her a sealskin sacque at a time when he
thought she couldn't hold out longer than
the next spring, his mind in the midst of his
grief vaguely wondering if the garment could
be made to fit somebody else in event S
worst fears were realized. All these meas
ures Of relief were futile, and the Medina
woman was beginning to look over the
poor husband was wondering how he was
going to pay for one that would be substan-
tial enough to keep her quiet while he sought
to replace her with woman from some
other town who did not cough.
But the next clause of the paragraph is
even more interchangeable threw up a
shirt button and found relief" Only a
woman could think of such a seemingly
ridiculous experiment Why shirt button?
And would not an overcoat button have
brought greater relief? What was the height
to which she threw it, and how? All these
and many equally pertinent questions in
stinctively arise. The medicinal qualities of
shirt buttons have long been known, but the
Medina woman applies them in an original
manner never before mentioned in thera-
peutics. Several years ago there was a we'll
known woman living near Cairo, who dis
solved pearls in vinegar, or wine, and thus
made very fancy an tony drink. Shirt
buttons are of pearl, and the analogy is
apparent. 1t is but fair to say,
however, that the asperities of the
climate finally became too much for
the Cairo woman, and the latest report
is that she has since died. There seems to
be but one plausible explanation of this
case. The lady was in all probability quite
wealthy, and had nothing to do. Now, it is
well-established fact in medical science
that continued action is one of the surest
means of throwing off any morbid disorder.
Men have been known to cure dyspepsia by
playing billiards, while at the same time the
same men have found saving wood very In
furious Applying this principle to the case
in hand, it at once becomes apparent that
the exertion of throwing up even a shirt
button must have exercised beneficial in
fuence. 1t certainly would upon a great
many ladies. The first time the button was
thrown up she experienced slight sensa-
ton of relief, which impelled her to try it
again and again until the cure was complete.
The same principle is practiced by young
girls who have periodical manias for throw
ing up bean bags, balls, and other articles of
like character. Hence the almost universal
healthfulness of such girls.
With these data, it is the fault of husbands
if they do not have healthy wives. Shirt
buttons are comparatively cheap, and though
they are hard to find on a Sunday morn
ing, it is currently believed that quite
found that shirt buttons are not tonic
enough, it will be time to try trousers but
TONS and gradually rise to overcoat but
tons - though the experiment should be
made only under the direction of a compe-
tent physician. This suggests that the shirt
button habit, once fixed on woman, may
explain the absence of those necessary arti-
Giles OF toilet on so many important coca
sions. The vice once contracted it is hard
to shake off, and the only hope of the victim
is to conceal it. The data are not at
hand, but it is easy to imagine that post
morton search-warrant would find many a
sad-eyed wife as full of shirt-buttons as an
old pincushion is of needles.
There remains now to be considered the
concluding clause OF the paragraph. 1t APP
pears that the singular idea of throwing up
shirt button never occurred to the unhappy