Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-05-10
A,lmuruus department.
A LIME.KILN CLUB LECTURE.

81 wish to displain," said Brother Gard
ner, as he adjusted bis spectacles and brush
ed up his front hair. "I wish to displain
dat de Hon. Higginbottom Lawless, of
Kosciusko Mississippi, am present in de
alinty-room, an burnin' to deliver his cele-
brated address on Sentiment He arrove
heah three or four days ago, an has flush
ed my las bar'l of apples, worn my Sunday
coat right along, AM will be deadhead on
me 'rill he kin spoke dis piece an cotch a
mixed freight train gwine to Toledo. De
committee will escort him, an if dat water
pail am upset or any lamps knocked down
doorin' his.delibery de guilty wretch or
WretcheS will receive lesson dat will re-
main solid for hundred vars"
The Hon. Lawless appeared with a pair
of red mittens in one hand, and lemon
in the other; and such was his placidity OF
mind thatiWhen he bit into one of the nit
tens in place of the lemon he never even
changed color. He sized up five feet and
six inches, Intelligent expression, head cast
in the shape of pear, and feet large enough
to tread an onion bed out of sight. He
mounted the platform like steer climbing
side hill, bowed right and left in response
to the applause, and quietly began:
'sMy frien's, I cannot dispress de pleasure
an gratifcashun which feel to fin myself
Va
Paradise Hall-a structure whose name am
a household word whareber de English
language greets de ear. Applause. |
would rather STAN hear dan to be buried
under $4,000 monument. Cheers
"De subjick oh my address am Sentiment.
What am sentiment? Whar' do we git it,
an what am it Wort by de pound when de
market am not oberstocked? / answer dat
sentiment am sort of 'lasses an mush sur
roundup he heart. In some cases it hardens
up an turns to- stun, while in Odders 1T
Trims out until he heart fairly floats in a
pond of sweetness. Applause. Senti-
ment has considerable to do wild eberyday
life. It am buzness when you start out
to borry pan of -four or a basket OBJ taters.
It am buzness when you start out to borry
peck of meal or a pound OBJ soap: 1t am
sentiment that causes naybur to lend in
stead of demandin' spot cash. '[Wild ap-
plause from Judge Cadaver.
Business actuates de lazy an de shiftless
to sot out an beg cold vittles an old clothes
an, dimes an quarters. Sentiment actuates
women to shed tears ober 'em an stock 'em
UP wild 'nuff to loaf on for another month.
When we havea kickin' hoss our sentiment
am 'pealed to. We arguy that the safety
of our loved one requires us to trade dat
animile off to some preacher who wants
perfectly reliable hoss. Dat's one kind OF
Sentiment. When we buy an excursion
ticket to Niagara Falls, an reach de grand
cataract arter thirty hours sweat on de
cattle cars, de immense waste of water
'peals to annodder sort of sentiment. When
we luv we reveal another phase of SEN
timent. If de gal am high-tOned and
rich de sentiment am all solid. If she am
only average, an in debt for her las corset,
de sentiment am purity thin, an won't last
longer dan de first bill fur meat comes in.
[Cries Of "You bet."]
envy frien's sentiment writes poetry wild
one hand, an tans de backs of de chiPen
wild de odder. 1t guides our thoughts to
friends ober de sea, an sends old clothes
to relashuns in Wisconsin. It makes US
shed tears fur de dead, an yit warns us to
cut de undertaker's bill down twenty per
cent. Sentiment tell us to luv our fellow
men, an place torpedoes in our hen-roosts.
GGroans.] I have been lookin' into de
matter fur de las forty-eight vars, an l
has cum to de conclusion dat it was a wise
thing to purvide de human race wild senti-
ment. If it had bin left out by any accl-
dent in de mixin' de bes' man among us
wouldn't have got a bid if putup at aucshun
along wild a lot Of fence-posts. l could talk
to YOU fur three straight weeks on dis sub
-ieck, but. .obsarvin' dat my half hour am up,
will chop off right heah, an hope dat 1t
may be my pleasure at some fucher day, to
meet you agin. Any pusson who wants his
fortune told will find me in de aunty-room
fur de neX' two hours"