Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-28
IMPIHTInS.

"Pull for the Shore" said Jonah to the
whale as the whale began to show signs Of
u~pheaving.
Next to religion there is nothing like o
circus" said an Arkansas deacon as he
watched his ~fsvorite son crowd under O
tent.
Inquirer: What objection Is there to
going fishing on Sunday What? Why,
the objection that you are likely to find ali
the good places occupied.
A still hunt for policemen one night last
week in Philadelphia resulted in fnding
twenty three Of them asleep in the soft.
cushioned pews Of Q church.
Rev. Mr.. Talmage Is accredited with
saying that there Is one thing that prayer
won't do. We presume he refers to making
0 gas meter &c. 81 fquarely by the man whose
house 1t occupies.
The deacon Of The Boston Post has dis.
covered that it Is disgusting to the church
wardeps to find that the man to when
they done the dreadful polite Is not the
new millionaire who has just moved into
town.
1t cast q gloom over the entire Assem-.
blsge when at q Dallas church fair the
minister's sou walked up to the grab.bag
and prize cake table and asked that the
game be explained to him before he bought
any chils.
At st. Armies Sunday school, In
Lowell, In answer to the question, '.What
is the greatest church festival?' o little
orphan Of 6 years promptly answered
strawberry festival"
1t is reported OF ~"Slugger" Sullivan that
be once listened to Q sermon delivered by
MIR. Talmags, and as he left the church he
remarked soto voce: Il hope he'll stick to
preaching. II he should ever take to the
manly art I'm gone. I wouldn't stand up
before him for big money"
did you attend church yesterdsy W.
asked an uptown belle Of her friend this
morning. 'tOf course I lid" she replied.
DO you suppose that / would go to the
expense OF buying o new bonnet and dress
without embracing the first opportunity Of
exhibiting them to the public"
One Of our American missionaries In
Armenia had q lot of Moody and Sankey
hymn books come through the mails, but
the eagle-eyed inspector Of the Turkish
postofhce decided that Hold the Fort"
was intended to encourage rebellion and
expurgated that inonensive lyric from
every copy.
Where do the wicked men 70 who drink
hq'or!' Asked . temperance lecturer of q
smaL boy at An Austin Sunday school.
wen, some Of them 20 TO Bornefeld's
saloon Aid &c to the Iron Front, but the
wicked nes-legillators- always 20 to the
nearest saoro- II you ask pa he will
beer"
II think the nillei;um must be 40.
preaching" remarked q Hsrism man 10 a
deacon. "What makes W, think SOP
asked the good old man. "b,oause whep
yesterday you dropped in a IS soid pisce
instead of your usual donation o. pict.
! ell" "Grest Scott" exclaimed the o,aco,
! turning pale, "why I thought I put In mi,
! o new 2.cent piece that l found on u,
street the other day. And tn, world
/; invectives of the pious old Fl .dd heape
! upon his own head would have mace
.. hardened sinner shudder.
Missionary Work in West Virginia.
your husband at homer No; he ia COO
hunting. He killed wo'whopplngb big COOL
y last Sunday" "DoeB he fear the Lord
i II guess he does, 'caase he always tax,
I his gun with him." Have you any Pre-
: byterians around here?' ST don't know
' he has killed any or not. You can go b
q hind the house and look at the pile of hid
{ to see II you can ind any of their skins
r Il see you are living in the dark. " Eye
Q but my husband Is going to cut o wind
4 soon."