The Portland daily press., 1883-04-04

OutmiCdi w OTkb, TTOVlQenCe, Il. L..
Plantation philosophy. De eel is de poliii
elan among fish. =. A'oman is happiest
when she's uneasy about submit would
ruther tell lie to cause pleasure den a truth
TO cause pain. Nature favored de nigg, ;
in many ways, bat doan see why she put
kidney foot on him. .Doan ledge man b{
de fuss he makes. In flyin' de hummip' bird
makes more noise den de hawk. De object
what is most difficult ter gain is de most
priced. De hardest nut to crack has de sweet
est kernel. Between de fear OBJ de debil an
de joy OBJ redemption de ignorant Niger do an
know which way to turn. Howeber de chickin
amt altergedder safe.
The great sale OF Swedish Remedies is aston
ishing, and for enrichipg the blood creating
an appetite, or Strengthening the whole system
nothing can surpass these remedies.
A musical man, accompanied By a hand
organ and child, has been giving street per-
formances for the past week on the streets Of
Austin. After be had twisted one of the
Beethoven, soul-stirriDg symphonies out of tn.
inslrumt ut of torture, the ar ist sent the child
among the crowd. A legislator, who bad jas
voted ON tie fixing of the per diem OF III.
members. disgorged nickel. 81 wants aBoder
nickel" lisped The child. dot nickel you
putdot cup IN vas for de moosic, put mine
oder ish professional pegger, pesides. p
Texas SiftiDgs.
How are we ever goiog to get through
spring and summers work? We are all run
down, tired out before it begins" So sag
many farmers family. We answer, 90 TO
your druggist and pay five dollars for six boz
ties of Ayers Sarsaparilla. This is just the
pnodfaiue cd nil
interest on the investment.
"Wbere ignorance lie bliss ETC.: Friend
quilting long face)-"Hullo, wagstaff, how
are you, old mani SO grieved to hear OF your
troublesl hope you're all right again. a.
sure you fully symp-" Wagstaff with On !.
prist)-"Eb? ThsDks-hut I've been all rich,
never better in my life Troublesi Must he
come mistake" Friend" WeIl-I heard Won
had been seriously embarrassed-'n fact thai
you'd been through the court 'tWagstaff fem
ghtened)-"Ohi-I seei You mean my credi-
torsl Lor, yes. poor fellowsi they have had
bad time OF itl' (Exeunt, laughing. )-Lon-
don Punch.
An effective medicine for kidney diseases.
low fevers and nervous prostration, and well
worthy of trial, is Browns Iron Bittcrs.
In the Hop Plaster are united the virtues Of
Fresh Hops and the strengthening and stmu
lating balsams, and its cures of Weak Back.
Pain In the Side, Rheumatism and Neuralgia
or Pain in the Chest are simply marvellous, il
being more efficacious and thorough than any
liniment or liquid remedies You'll say 80
after using.
II the published portraits of the snltan of
Turkey are accurate, he looks like the advance
agent of a candy factory who has In an nm.
guarded moment eaten his plaster of paris
samples and is just beginning to feel the Al
tack of regret coming on.-Boomerang.
SnENcED QufcKLY.-A distressing Cough,
by Hale's Honey Of Horehound ard Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops cure in one minute.
Fogg says that for pure energetic and perse-
vering industry there is nothing like a gas
meter. He shut ar his house this summer and
went into the country. When the gasman
came around shortly after his return, be found
that that meter had be6n tending strictly to