, 1883-08-04
THE BAD ROY.

preston Of resignation on his face.
"What's got into your pa to be a
nurse girl this hot weather."
80, we have had a circus at our
house," said the boy, as he came in
Gfter putting the candy in the baby's
land. "YOu see, uncle Ezra came
back from Chicago, where he had
been to sell some cheese, and he
stopped over couple Of days with
us, and he said we must play one
more joke on pa before he went home.
We played it, and it is a wonder !
am alive, because never saw pa 50
mad in all my life, Now this is the
last time l go into any jokes on
shares. If play any more jokes l
don't want any old uncle in to give
me away"
"What was it ~ said the grocery
man, as he took a stool and sat out
by the front door beside the boy who
was trying to eat box Of red rasp-
berries on the sly.
"Wel, uncle Ezra and me bribed
the nurse girl to dress the baby up
one evening in some old, dirty baby
clothes, belonging to our wash wO-
mans baby, and we put it on the
front door step, and puta note in the
basket and addressed it to pa. We
had the nurse girl stay out in front,
by the basement stairs, so the baby
couldn't get away, and she rung the
the bell and got behind something.
Ma and pa, and uncle Ezra and me
were in the back parlor when the
bell rung, and ma told me to go the
door, and l brought in the basket,
and set it down, and told pa there
was a note in it for him. Ma, she
came up and looked at theno as pa
tore it open, and uncle Ezra looked
in the basket and sighed. Pa read
part of the note and stopped and
turned pale, and sat down. Then ma
read some Of it, and she didn't feel
very well, and she leaned against the
piano and grated her teeth. The
note was in girls handwriting, and
was like this:
GOLD BALD HEADED PET.-You
will have to take care Of your child,
because l cannot. Bring it up ten
derlv, and don't for heavens sake,
send it to the foundling asylum.
shall go drown myself. Your loving,
ALMIRA."
"What did your ma say said the
grocery man, becoming interested.
80, ma played her part well. Uncle
Ezra had told her the joke, and she
said 'retch,' to pa, just as the act
resses do on the stage, and she put
her handkerchief to her eyes. Pa said
it was false and uncle Ezra said, %,
brother that l should live to see this
day. and said, as looked in the
basket, pa, it looks just like you, and
I'll leave it to ma That was too
much, and pa got mad in a minute.
He always gets mad at me. But he
went up and looked in the basket and
said it was some dutch baby, and
was evidently from the lower strata
of society, and the unnatural mother
wanted to get rid of it, and he said
he didn't know any 'Almira' at all.
When he called it dutch baby, and
called attention to its irregular fca-
lures, that made ma mad, and she
took it up out of the basket and told
pa it was the perfect picture Of him,
and tried to put it in pas arms, but
he wouldn't have it, and said he
would call the police and have it
taken TO the poor house. Uncle Ezra
took pa up in a corner and told him
the best thing he could do would be
to see 'Almira' and compromise with
her, and that made pa mad and he
was going to hit uncle Ezra with a
chair. Pa was perfectly wild, and if
he had a gun guess that he would
have shot all Of us. Ma took the
baby up stairs and had the girl put it
to bed, and after pa got mad enough
uncle Ezra told him it was all a Joke,
and it was his own baby, that we had
put in the basket, and then he was
madder than ever, and he told uncle
Ezra never to darken his door again.
don't know how he made up with
ma for calling it a dutch baby from
the Polack settlement, but anyway,
he wheels it around every day, and
ma and pa have got so they speak
again"
"That was a mighty mean trick,
and you ought Nto be ashamed Of
yourself. Where do you expect to
fetch up when you die ?' said the
grocery man.
81 told Uncle Ezra it. was a mean
trick" said the boy, "but he said
that wasn't priming to some Of the |
tricks pa had played on him years |
ngo. He says pa used to play tricks
on everybody. l may be mean, but
never played wicked jokes on blind
people, as pa did when he was boy.
Uncle Ezra says once there was
party Of four blind vocalists, all girls,
gave an entertainment at the town
where pa lived, and they stayed at
the hotel where pa tended bar. An
other thing, l never sold rum, either,
as pa did. Well, before the blind !
vocalist went to bed pa caught lot
Of frogs and put them in the beds
where the girls were TO sleep, and
when the poor blind girls got into bed
the frogs hoped all over them, and
the way they got out was caution.
1t is bad enough to have frogs hop
ping all over girls that can see, but