Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1883-04-11
Cures by Electricity.

Wpy uOn you Jake solne sioch IL
the new electric hghtcompany." said al
aged man to a middle aged man, as they
stood up to bar taking drink.
Not none." said the middle aged
man, as he stirred the beverage with Il
spoon, and swallowed it-not the spoon
but the beverage. ''There's too much
electricity, tell you. and don't know
where the electricity craze is going to
end. We send messages by electricity,
talk by it, our streets and houses are to
be lighted by it. and now they have got
to using 1t to cure diseases with. Why,
do you know, they advertise to cure
every thing with electricity. You know
my wife? Well, she thinks she has every
disease under the sun, and she Is walk
ing galvanic battery. 1 dare not touch
her unless tOuch gas pipe or some
iron substance first, or a spark will fly
from my hands and startle me. You
haven't ssen her lately. eh? Well she
looks twice as big as she ever did be-
fore, but she is poor from carrying
around electric belts and pads. First.
she saw an advertisement i'll a Chicago
paper of an electric belt, and she
wouldn't be satisfied till got her one,
and to keep peace in the family L took
her measure down to Chicago and got Il
belt, and she put it-on and said she felt
better. Then she wanted pair OF
electric insoigs for her shoes, and 7 got
them Then she wanted an electric
supporter, and / thought 1t would be a
good way to support her, and l got one
for her. Then she wanted an electric
stomach and liver brace, aud | got that.
L thought she Was pretty well protected
against the majority OF the diseases the
human family Is subjected to, but she
saw some more pictures of electric ap-
pliances in the paper, and 1 had to buy
her some back pads, ana breast collars,
and electric stockings, and she will want
the lest of the harness, including IL sur
cingle and headStall. Why, John.
honestly. L will give you leave to shoot
at my wife with shot gun loaded with
fine shot, for five cents a shot, and will
give you dollar for every shot that
touches ner person. She il enyeloped
in perfect coat of electric mail, and
she isn't very well vet. o, forgot the
knee pads and hair crimpers. expect
she will want telephone line next, and
a tower with an electric hight of four
hundred candle power. Wen, 1 don't
know as this electric business in my
family does any good, but it is II great
saving on ills anu things. Before she
struck this electric fake 1t was a cold
day when the drug mans hand-cart did
not stop at my house, but now all she
buys at drug store Is porous plasters
and perfume. Why, she used to have
regulsr time car. hung up in her room
for taking medicine, and it required the
brain of chief justice to prevent get
ting the different kinds of medicine in
at the wrong times. / have seen her
take seven different kinds OF little white
pills II half day, and never miss pill
or get the wrong kind, and every pill
looked Just alike, and there was no taste
or smell to them. 1t was a great strain
or her mink, and may be this electricity
is doing her good, ia resting her incl
lect. All you have to do Is to buckle
on the magnetic corset, or surcingle,
and it goes right to work at the drop OF
the hat, snd the same one Is good Tor
child in arms or vetran a hundred
years old. There is no doubt in my
mind that science has simplified things
wonderfully, and If my wife is not cured
1t viii not be her fault. But no cleo
tric light stock for me, If l should
carry home a block OF electric light
stock my wife would buckle it on to her
somewhere, and swear she experienced
great relief. But L will have to go, as
L have heard oi an electric buuion, per-
suaid and corn anuihilator man Is sell
ing down on the South side, and my
wife wants one. GOod-day."