Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-05-25

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can not DO reporter because they can not run
to FREE. They seem to run to flames pretty
generally.
II does seem kind Of mean 10 say Of q
man who has stepped on banana skin, and
| whose left leg has shot out in parabola to
the northeast, while his right leg and left
arm are describing ellipses to the southwest,
that he has gone abroad-but 1t looks mighty
like it.
Cross-examiniug the witness "You say
you never wrote the lady letter +" enc
only once" "Ouce, eh!-what was the na
ture OF that letter :" Letter alone"
A tourist says that high prices are the bug
bear of American hotels. We don't mind
these SO much as we do the bed-bugs.
Senator Anthony's illness, it is said, was
caused by eating partridge at hotel. We
remember now that the doctors were fright.
ened by his extreme exhaustion and loss of
vitality.
A musical writer says that good organ
should sing AMI cry, like the human voice"
We have never Leard before that an organ
could cry, but we have heard that an organ
LIT.
A boy WIS recently found in a bush who
was supposed 10 have been blown there from
a long distance, as nobody in the vicinity
| had ever seen him before. When they came
| to look at him behind, however his mother
| recognized him. lie had been grub1ng ina
woodchuck hole
SEW BOOKS.
Finding her Place." by Howe Benuiur.
This is the story Of Presbyterian lady who
| attended an Episcopal service, and, Icing
unfamiliar with the service, had world of
| difficulty in worshipplng with the copgtega
ton. She slung the leaves of her prayer
book in such violent cndeavois TO inl the
| place, that the sound thereof was like the
rushing of mighty wind in the top branches
| OF the forest. When the congregation stood up,
she waited 80 long that she was ashamed TO
follow suit but the next time they rustled,
she clenched her teeth and popped up like
iack-in-a-box-and 10 aud behold the con-
gregation knelt. She struck in for congre-
gatonal singing, and like to have sunk
through the floor, when she found that she
and the choir were running the business alone.
Although she was very pretty and proper
young lady, we regret to say that some OF
the youthful high churchmen in the gallery
were moved 10 merriment at her expense.
| Altogether she had pretty disgusting ex-
perience and the next time she goes, sine
proposes to endure the company of certain
, young gentleman, who uuites the twin sole
, attractions of pcrfumed handkerchief and
deadly familiarity with the liturgy Of the
Prot stant Episcopal church.
Al NO New Thing" by w. E. Norris, This
, is compilation of all the newspaper jokes
which have appeared for the last five years.
1t is seldom that the matter Of volume is
SO admirably set forth in brief title. We
Il congratulate Mr.. Norris upon his keen facul-
higher fields of imagination. He has the
: power, we believe. to make frst-ratc spell
S ing book.
up from the Cape" is the taking tile OF
new book for Summer reading. 1t is a
a very charming, word-portrait OF dress
u makers dummy from the waist uD. Our lady
rcaders would surely enjoy the description
II this beautiful figure. Even the description OF
p the cape--usually baggy sort of discourag-
: ing thing-was so fascinating that we had to
j. put our arm around the back of chair, and
lsigh. We are seldom affected in this man
ner, hut when We are the object has TO be
bang-up. l. would be sacrilese to tell Us
u that this a mere manual of fashion. Buy it
! aud be convinced that even dummy can /,
dressed 50 as u move the swelling depths OF "a
mans soul, and make him feel as though he
IN were sitting down with an houri to an am
lie brosial feast of young onions and trpc.