The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-03-23
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The Pacific must have been the bank
where the wild time grew. Does a
manned soldier make stump speech
when he applies for an artificial limb?-
Boston CoDamer i'll Bulletin.
-" Poor fellow, he died in poverty"
said man of a person lately deceased.
'' That isn't anything" exclaimed a
seedy bystander. Dying in poverty is
no hardship. It's living in poverty that
puts the thumbscrew on a fellow"
Three Thousand two hundred and
fifty fancy names for as many brands of
flour have been copyrighted up 10 date,
but not one man in fifty can tell whether
his biscuits are made of "The Highland
Rose. or "The Matron's Pride. "-De-
troit Free Press.
There are in New York one thou.
sand ragpickers who are making money
so fast that their granddaughter will
doubtless be leaders of society, while
their grand-sons will refuse to associate
with people who are lin trade. "-PAI-
ddeiphia NeaoS.
"A college paper claims that writing
college songs seems to be lost art and
complains greatly thereat. Ii it could
be definitely ascertsined that no more
such songs as "Bingo." "Saw NV Leg
OFF, .Cocachelunk" would ever be
written many hesitating parents would
pack their sons off to college instanter.
Puck.
"A sailor dropped out of the rigging
of a ship of-war, some fifteen or twenty
feet, and fell plump on the head of the
First Lieutenant "Wretch," said the
officer, after he had gathered himself up,
''where the dickens did YOU come fromP"
"Ah, sure, l came from the north of Ire
land, yer honor. Y. Nescs.
Rival artists was sitting at
the opera next to gentleman who was
necessarily humming tune in his ears
and he began to show symptoms of i'm
patience. What is the matter, sire
You don't seem pleased" mo; am
mad against that sea mp of a Duprez
(the actor. as he prevents my listening
to you. "-FGgaro.
"A Hoboken woman says her husband
has beaten her regularly once week or
twenty years. Too many married men
are overworked in this world, and if they
don't get a rest in the next it will be
pretty tough. A man who has beaten
his wife over one thousand times is GER
tainly entitled to holiday-in jail
Noristown Herald.
Frank HI. Norton. a young scientist
of New York, claims to have discovered
a number OF new laws relating to plan
cts. This is a gratifying piece of intelli.
gence. The old laws relating to planets
are pretty we'll worn and fraved at the
edges, and it is quite time some new ones
more in spirit with the progress of the
nineteenth century, were adopted for
their government. tits hoped Mr.. Nor
ton will be able to enforce his new laws.
Nor istoaDn FL raid.
The discipline of the German army
Is almost, if not quite, perfect. 1t is
never relaxed under any circumstances.
A Captain and Lieutenant were on the
deck of steamship out at sea for the
first time. :" How do you feel. Lieuten-
anti" asked the Captain. livery sick.
Captain. ''Why dom you use basin?'
asked the Captain. 81 would have done
50 long ago. Captain. but 1 was waiting
for you to be sick first. / would be court
martialed if were to take precedence
of my ranking officer. Will YOU be
pleased to be sick first, Captain?"-
Te1as Stfttngs.