The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1883-10-18
Humorous Savings.

Humorous Sayings.
A discourteous legislator: An Austin
merchant says that Colonel Harris
Cheever, member of the legislature, is
the champion impolite man of Texas.
"What did he do that was so impolite?"
we asked. Il met him on the avenue
replied the merchant, land he did not
lift his hat to NE, and 1t is the same hat
/ sold him on credit during the last ses-
sion of the legislature" Texas Siftings
High art indispensable: Lady-"But,
professor, how came you to offend Mrs.
Smith," Professor-"Ah, will tell you.
Madame Smit she come to me and she
say do want my daughter to sing so
: thigh as Mees Brown, and she fly in one
| :age and say as dere is no~ilg low i'll her
family, ven ! say Miss Smit she hafa low
lvolcel"-Funny Folks.
Pious notions: When California man
sees mo cards" at the end of a marriage
notice of a friend he remarks that t'that
girl has put some Of her pious notions in
70 Jims head, but he'll get over the
after he has been married awhile:"-
Somerville Journal.
"Why, Mr.. SMITH" exclaimed the
young lady, whats that on your lip?"
'That!-oh, thath a mutltache. 1t
hathn't been growing long. 1t isn't
long enough to bitew And Mr.. Smith
made G desperate effort to twist one eng.
of it into his mouth. "Ah, then the. as
no necessity of being afr;:id of it." sad
the young lady, demurely, drawi <
closer. And Mr.. Smith didn't know
what she meant.-Oll City Blizzard.
A young lady who visited Saratoga
this summer has had seven marriage
proposals from young men OF sense and
wealth since her return home. She ap-
peared at the hotel dinner table one day
IN dress costing not over twelve cents
4 yard.-Norristown Herald.
1t is ea;d that young lady can never
whistle in the presence of her lover.
The reason is obvious. He doesn't give
her chance. When she gets her lips
III a proper position for whistliny, some
thing else always occur~.-koches,er
Post-Express.
The buckwheat-cake season will soon
be upon us, and therefore it is we'll to
advise all housekeepers that the cakes
this wear should he made light and full
Of small holes. The nearer you get them
10 resemble porous plaster the mere
fashionable they will be.-Philadelplia
Chronicle Herald.
"Roastbet mbmuttonardham," said
the girl who "waits on the table" at the
Isle of Shoals. "Well," said the old gem
tleman, 'Ive never tasted it. but you
may bring me some and I'll see what it
is like "-BoStOn Times
The reason we are proud of sum ner
is because pride goeth before a fall
New York News.
It is only the female mosquito that
bites. While the female is off limiting
blood, the male is hoIdjny a political
! convention in the woods and setting UP
he primaries f,r next years camp;sign.
-Yonkers Gazette.
Young man." 1t WAS the man at the
hotel table who spoke. The reporter
looked up AMI he continued: "rick tie
seeds out OF those slices Of cucuinbrrs
and throw them away and You will
avoid the collie" ''Does the colo Turk
in the seeds?" the reporter asked.
No, not that so much; but you see if
you get I'D Of the seeds there won't be
you."-Syraruse Herald.
In the far west a man udvertises for
| woman ''tn wash. iro" and milk one or
two COWS" VIII does he want !, S cows
| washed and ironod ioy?-Ou City Der
rick.
First 'ady-'sYes, dear, and who was
your first husband?" Second lady
! MY first? Whv. have only been .lar-
ried once First lady-"OuIv once!
In|eei! how very singuiar!"- y.
! Picavune.
One fellow might bang around surf
| swimming place for weeks and never
| have chance IT, rescue rich mans
daughter from Waterv grave. Anoth-
er would gra ,,ple & million heiress the
very first dav and he invited t. her house
to dinner. 1t is all uck.-Nev Orleans
| Picavune.
A man always looks black when he
! feels blue.-Scmerville Journal.
A physician avs: "In buying cloth
ing care should be taken 70 investigate
the hygroscopicity Of the CLOTH" We al
ways do, but as singular as it may APP
! pear, many persol.s buy coat and new
er give u thought to its hyyrosocpicitv.
! THIS is great mistake.-New Lonuon
Day.