Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1883-06-14
"MOTTOES AND ADVICE.v

81 has been axed several times o. late, y
remarked Brother Gardner as he opened
the meeting in his usual bland manner, iii
we war to have any new notices or prov
erbs or maXims fur de summer sezun. De
Committee on Sayins has handed in the
follerin bill of fare fur de hot weather:
''He who sleeps by day will hunger by
"Industry am de peg on which Plenty
hangs her hat"
friend"
"Men who go to law mus expect to eat
deir 'taters widout SALT"
''De biggest balloon kin be packed in a
bar'l when de gas am out"
"De rattle of de empty wagon kin be
heard furder dan de rumble of de loaded
one."
81 war; counting ap our maxims an prov
erbs las night, an found the number to be
4SO. l reckon we will try to squeeze long
on dat number fur de neX' few months,
although, if any member hits anything sill
ver-plated he kin hand it in at any time.
Am Rear Admiral Bumbo in de hall dis
eavnin'?"
eyes, sah," answered the brother as he
stepped forth.
''Brudder Bumbo," continued the Presi-
dent, Gas mite while 1 was buyin' some
green onions at de market Overheard you
engaged in a dispute wild Kernul Lucifer
Smith. You stuck to it dat Noah had red
ha'r an sandy complexion and was hump
backed man. But fur de arrival of an ossi-
fer dar would have bin fout. Now, sab,
did you eber see Noah?"
"No, sab, l think not"
''In what book did you read dat he was a
hump backed man?'
"I-I dun forgot, Sah."
''Whar' did you post up on his COM
pleXun"'
81 can't remember"
"Now, Brudder Bumbo, l want to say a
few words to you. De mex time ha'ar of
your disputin' a Biblical pint you will drap
a paper bag! What Noah looked like
whar' he sailed-how long he was at1oat,
an how he enjoyed de voyage am muffin to
you in de slightest Your bizness am to
pay yer rent, feed yer family and keep TO-
dogs around to drive off burglars, an de
less you mix up in outside matters de mo-
fat you will have on yer ribs. Sot down,
sahn'
The humbled Rear Admiral proceeded to
his bench, and dropped himself down with
jar that broke both of Senator Blossoms
suspenders short off where the sheepskin
joined the webbing.-DetroH Free Press.
THEY WEREN'T SANDwICHEs.-Amo
the score of us who rushed into a railroad
eating house in Mississippi at the call of
''twenty minutes for dinner" was chap
who had his mind up to say something un-
pleasant when he came to pay for his meal.
He was growing when he went in, and
he jawed all the while he was eating, and
when he slouched up to the desk to pay his
Is cents he broke out with:
''Them sandwiches are enough to kill a
dog"
"Why, them on the table,"
"But we have no sandwiches on the table,
sir" protested the landlord.
"You haven't? Well, would like to
know what you call them roasted brick-bats
on that blue platter?"
"You didn't try to eat one of those"
"Yes, didw
t'Then my friend, you had better 60 for a
doctor atonce. Those are table ornaments,
made of terra Gotta, and were placed there
to help fill up space Land O. rats but you
must have lived in a cane brake all your
lifew
The traveller rushed into the car and be-
gan to suck at brandy flask, and he didn't
get over looking pale for three hours.
And they were sandwiches after all-real
good ham sandwiches made that day. The
landlord haQ adOpteQ InaC particular SCyle
instead of using lub.-Detro1 Free Press.
"IT's AN ELEPHANT RANCH YELL BE
THINKING YE HAVE STRUCK."-Mr. o.
Hagan has sheep-ranch on the Medina. A
stranger drove up to his place the other day.
The stranger had broken some part of his
wagon and wanted to borrow a monkey
wrench. When the stranger shouted ''Hel-
low Mrs. O'Hagan (Mr. O'Hagan being
from home) came out to the fence.
"Wie gents. Dot vas a fine morning. to-
day. 1t vas a monkey-Wrench wanted to
find, und dose boobies at de house peloW
dole me already dot you geeps Won monkey
wrench.
"Howly Moses! Kape monkey ranch !!
Ye dirty spalpeen. Ye miserable, low-lifed
blaggard to be accussin' dacent woman of
kapin' an establishment of that character.
A monkey ranch is it yer lookin' for? Pm
thinkin' from yer look that that is about
the kind of ranch you would fale at home
in. Get out of here, an eff We don't scatter
dirt ahind we purity quick it's an illiphant
ranch yell think We have struck an that the
Elephants are stampadin' over yer ugly car
cass."-1sros SJtings:
rg II am going to stuff that dog when he
dies" said Smith, speaking of his ssorry look:
ing pointer. "It would do him more good
if you would stuff him little noW," re-