Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1883-12-18

TIM English sparrow" Have driv-
en- all the other birds from this town :
Well, I should twitter."
SAID the General 10 the Major, "what
is your rank, sirS" and the Major re-
piled, 81 am a Major, General"
WV mourn fw orime.-his daughters i've,
on fashionf streets We nnd EN-,
And they wear " oid orlmes's coat"
All buttoned down behind EN-.
"SomrHrNo TO eat2" Trarap-
"Yes'm. But I don't want no quail,
cause it's been awful hard with EN- this
winter, and they have had 10 feed ON all
sorts Of pisen berries"
A WISE father 10 his SON" Now,
John, I do not object to your being a
fool and an idiot. Be fool and an idiot
II you want TO. but what do not wish
you to do is TO let everybody know it I"
AoNE.cESr stamp for a circulairr,
one-cent stamp for a ncwrpspalre.
thfec-ccnt stamp for a sealed lettaire,
An iicked on the right cornaire-
Lick, brothers Heb, Itch with cairo,
On The right-hand side, no, everywhaire,
Unless you want the Postmastaire
To make things hot and cuss and swaire
"WITH neatness," he remarked, rs ne
shot down hill ON bob-sled, "and dis
patch" he groaned the next day, point
ing to 15-cent strip Of court-plaster on
his nasal appendage and classical fore
head.
A YOUNG lady and her father were
looking at a druggist, who was very
nicely balancing the delicate little scales
on which the prescription was being
weighed. Chow precise how fine
how little r. said the girl. eyes" said
the father, "but he will not do so with
the bill"
IN the spring the msidens fancy
Turns to thoughts Of making hay
with matrimonial view she
Fiirteth much and plays croquet
But the young man docs not tumble,
And, with mercenary view,
He considers that It's cheaper
Topay bOerd for one than two
"MY love for you is like that glow
ing fire." said Adolphus, as he blinked
at the burning anthracite and then at
the object Of his affections. "what
CRATE full" she murmured, and the
spark got quite warm trying to think
how she spelled the sentence.
In the Senate Chamber at Washing,
ton, the Chaplain offered the LORDS
prayer. When he had finished, Dcot
mey leaned over to Josonby, and re-
marked: d" He stole that prayer, and Ill
bet doodle on it, for I heard tho
same ideas expressed in Eureka at flu
neral over two years ago"
ADurcHMAN in Albany went out 10
his milkman in the street with dish in
each hand, instead Of one as usual. The
dispenser of attenuated milk asked him
il he wished TO fiji both vessels! The
Dutchman replied. saiting the action to
the word, 'Dis is for de influx, and dis
for de water-and 1 will mix dem so as
TO shute mine sell"
"YEs, said the witness, "I remem-
Der the defendants mother crying on the
occasion referred to. She was weeping
with her left eye-the only one she has
and the tear were running down her
right cheek" "whatr' exclaimed the
Judge, show could that be ?" " Please,
your Honor" said the witness, "she
was awiully cross-eyed."
ScrxE-Lifc insurance Office in Dub
lin Surgeon Of the company-"Heart
and liver sound as a bell. Be large,
we've the foinest life 1 ever saw, SO
Fwat's your business or profession nowi"
Observation-Disclosures any," Surgeon
-"FwhAt | You don't mean 10 say we've
got Iandi" Apphcant-"Yes; a few acres.
Surgesn-"Faith, thin. I'm sorry for ys |
But yen never do for u.s."
"Yxs, young man, said the venerable
druggist 10 his new clerk, whom he was
about 10 initiate into the mysteries Of
the profession. EATER q life-time's eI-
perienoe I can confidently assure you
that seven jars containing the sever
specific drugs OF our trade would suffice
10 set up any drug store" "But, sir,
what do you have these other 800 forf"
"What forf Why. 10 soil ("
"THAr's played out" said tramp to