The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-09-06
WIT AND HUMOR.
Theturn of the ''tied" home
ward nffnr the wedding trim

Mover propose TO girl in writing. 1t
is present company" that is ''always
accepted. Life.
1t does not follow that man is jour-
nalist because he has free ticket to a
picnic. Orleans Ptcayuae.
We are asked the question if water
does not sometimes intOxicate. We
have often seen barrels that were water
tight.
Two deaf mutes were married tho
other day in Philadelphia. 1t is to be
hoped the coDjugal affection will be
mute-uaL
Ruskin says that no couple should
marry until they have courted seven
years. This would lead one to suppose
that Ruskin runs soda fountain.
, Oscar Wilde is describing the Ameri-
can girl to English audiences as "a
pretty oasis of unreasonableness in a
desert of common sense"
The cost of stopping train of cars is
said to be from 60 to 40 cents. When a
train is stopped by another train these
prices become somewhat inflated.
Seeing carriage full of bellies and
beaux drive by, Aminadab remarked
that that reminded him of load of
wooed.
Mistress to new cook: "On Wednes-
days and Saturdays 1 shall go to market
with YOU" New cook: Every well,
mum; but who's agoin' to carry the
basket the other days?"
1t is the same old story. Two Illinois
farmers had dispute about the bound
airy lines of their farms. Their dispute
is now settled, and so are the lawyers
-on their farms. Philadelphia Ne,0s.
"Your mother comingr exclaimed
Smithers; ''why, they say the old Harry
couldn't live with her" But" replied
Mrs. S., in her most taunting manner,
.'you will try to, for my sake, won'tyou,
Charleyp"
Bismarck may give the American hog
tho cold shoulder now. but he will be
glad to take it in next Christmas. The
American egg-nog, that is. That fits
little rough, but you can't make O
smooth joke on such bristly subject.
A well-known novelist was recently
asked what he did to always keep the
attention of his readers. Il have read
q good DEAL" he replied, land l always
try to avoid what annoyed me in other
writers"
One-fourth of all the pineapples i'm
ported in the United States go to Phila-
dolphia- A pineapple tastes good to
your nose. but it couldn't be much
more indigestible if it was made of hick-
ory.
The New Jersey law prohibiting the
sale of tobacco to boys under 16 years of
age is not grand success. The small
boy hires his big brother to buy the to-
bacco, and then goes halves with him
on the tobacco.-BoStoH Post.
What q happy way of putting things
the real poet has! Now. Burns, in
stead of saying, beware of pickpock-
ets!'' expresses the same idea by IA
chiefs among ye takin' notes. "-Boston
Courier.
Nearly one hundred Philadelphia
teachers are to be married this Sum-
mer A school system that enables
woman to support her husband is the
next best thing to free beer.-Barlington
Hawkeye.
A Western college boy was caught in
The act of rchearsing his Grafton before
a small case in which were placed about
a dozen Eyeglasses. He confessed that
he was preparing himself beforehand to
endure the stony gaze of the audience.
In Newport boudoir: "Oh! he is
such charming gentleman. And he
did not make his money in vulgar trade,
sither. No, indeed! He owns bank;
FOR have heard people who knew him
speak of it. 1t is in a Western city
named Faro"
Baker, the life insurance agent, had
his chin-whiskers shaved off the other
day. "What on earth did you do that
forp" asked his friend, on meeting him
soon after the catastrophe. "A man in
your business needs all the chin nature
and art can furnish him."
A cucumber five feet long is exhibited
at New Orleans. 1t isn't size that
counts in a cucumber, however A little,
proven enough to expand an ordinary
Telegraph.
What books shall we take away for
the summer" asks the Philadelphia
Bulletin. If you're going to Newport
or Long Branch, Francis, we would
suggest that you take q pocket-book;
one about thrcc feet long and twenty
eight inches wide will last you whole
week.
1t is said that Anna Dickinson will re-
turn to the stage next winter. Well,
she is right. She has tramped about
from one thing to another so long that
she must be sufficiently tired to enjoy a
good ride. Climb inside, Anna, the
seat next the window is most comforta-
BILE.
Dr. Mary Walker says if the post
master general does put the carriers
and department clerks into the Oscar
Wilde pantaloonettes, she will resign
and let the department go to pieces and
that's all there is of it; there now, Mary
Jane, not another word. her minds
made up.
Miss Winnerp, a school teacher at
Benton, Ind, pointed out to Fred Pien-
gle, ono of her pupils, the folly of fall
ing in love with her You're a good
boy" she said, "and would like we'll
enough to be your mother, but l could
not think of becoming your wife," Fred
thereupon attempted suicide.
Don't talk to me about beginning at
tuo DOJUOul VI Juc lduucE: ODS0TF6U
''crushed" actor to brother profess
sional, recently. Don't talk to me
about beginning at the bottom of the
ladder. began there ten years ago,
and I'm there still. If it was to do
over again, I'd begin at the top. It's
much easier to fall down than to climb
up"
Cholera is still raging to a great ex-
tent in the eastern hemisphere, and
though it has not spread far westward,
the list of deaths is very large. Cholera
has not reached the borders of this coun-
try up to this time, and no other dread
ed disease has u foothold among our
people, but green apple, the water
melon, and over doses of ice-water, are
giving the medical men all they can at
tend to.
II wish / was on desert island, ~
exclaimed Mrs. A. who had been an
noyod by gossiping neighbors; II wish
] was on a desert island, where there
wouldn't be anybody to talk about you. ~
''But, my dear" replied Mr.. A, "you
must remember there wouldn't be any
body to talk about, either" Mrs. A.
said she hadn't thought about that, and