The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-04-07
THE NEW FIRST READER.
TTIE WEATHER LIAR.


There are many kinds Of the liar FAM
/ lily. but the best known is the weather
] liar. The older he is the greater his
| license to indulge in his familiar pas
time. Every day of the year furnishes
| him with an excuse, and all he asks is
| for somebody to talk to. The weather
| liar remembers that the winter of 1879
was exactly like that of 1885, the spring
of 1882 puts him in mind of the spring
of 1924; the cold waves of the past win
ter didn't begin with those of 1774. He
can remember winters when not 4 flake
of snow fell, and summers when there
was a frost every other night for three
months. He has seen the thermometer
drop to forty-seven degrees below in
| January, and climb to 1870 degrees in
August He remembers one day when
cherries were ripe in May, and another
when they could not be picked until
November. No matter what the wealth
er is, the weather liar has always seen
worse. If it SHOWS for two days, he has
seen it snow for four. If it rains for
week, he can remember when it poured
down without a break for three. Ii you
have seen it hot enough to fry eggs on
stone sidewalk, he has seen an AK
melt on top of lump OF ice
THE FISH LIAR
Ranks second on the list. He goes fish
ING about once in five years and spends
the rest of the time in lying about what
occurred. He caught a bass weighing
fourteen pounds, but the hook broke
and let him escape. He had bite from
picl5erel four feet long, but stubbed
his foot and couldn't pull up at the
proper moment. He began fishing with
minnows for bait but the fish bit so
greedily that he finally tied horn but
ton to the hook and pulled 'em out as
fast as hs could drop the line He
caught an even tubful, but while he was
eating luncheon the wharf gave way
and let tub and fish into the water.
The fish liar can be found sitting on the
counter Mt the grocery of an evening,
all wound up and ready to begin bust
ness, and nothing let's the sunshine into
his life so quick as TO get hold of some
one who will gasp out occasionally,
"'My starsl but is that possible?"
TIE HORSE LIAR
Stands third on the list. He is man
who has had horse which could go in
2:20. He hasn't got him now, but that
doesn't make any difference. He has
driven that horse in a race with an eX-
press train, and taken first money. And
he also had running horse which once
made dash of twenty-five miles on n
bet of So. 900. He hasn't the horse or
money at the present time, but he can
give YOU the names of dozen leading
bank presidents and chief justices who
saw that dash.
The horse liar doesn't stop at lying
about his own horses, but he is ready to
put in his best liczs on animals he never
saw He is in the confidence of the
owners of all the celebrated equines- In
his opinion such n track is short and
such track is long. Hedoesn't believe
Rarus was ever much of = horse, and he
feels that he could drive Goldsmith Maid
three seconds faster than she ever re-
corded He is the Identical man who
first saw speed in Flora Temple, and if
he had wanted to be mean about il, he
could have bought her for ten dollars
and an old pillow, and made 1900 out
of the trade. He knows al about spay-
ms, ringbones, pOii-eVil, pink-eYe. and
CHAMBERS. and he hiss n sure cure for
each one His seat is on the head of the
second cracker barrel from the stove
each evening through the winter, and
when he can como across some one who
has invested $15 and a cI'oss-cut saw in
an old plug of horse to use in a cider
mill. he is in his Glory He knows all
about that horse; been an awful good
stepperS saw him run away once. and
killed two women: karey tried TO tame
him, but had to give il up; reckon he
could 30 out now and give most OF the
boys the dust; aud So on until the grocer
rubs his sleepy eyes, aud regretfullyI
says:
come you liars. its slime to lock up
and 90 honc.' Detroit Free Press.