Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-07-21
BarsIars ut Spoopendyke's.

''Say, my dear" calculated Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, sitting bolt upright in bed with
sudden jerk. ">ay, nay dear. wake up.
L hear burglars in the house"
"Who: what burglars" demanded
Mrs. Spcopendykc, as she popped up be-
siie her husband. Who is in the house,"
"Hush! Quiet. will yc? I don't know
which burglar, but hear somebody NOV
Ing around"
''Oh, my, What shall We DO ?" inquired
Mrs. Spoopendyke. Let's cover up Our
heads"
"Why don't you get up and light the
gas?" propOundcd Mr.. SpOopendyke in Il
hoarse whisper "S'posc you can see who
1t is in the dark? Strike light, can't
you? If you had yeur Way we'd both be
murdered in bed. Going to l;gh, up be-
fore we'rc killed ?"
"I'm afraid, whispered Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, sticking one foot out of bed and
hauling it in IS If she had caught fish
with II.
''Goins 10 sit there like Il shot-tower and
have our Threats cut?" Intercepted Mr.
Spoopendykc. CLOWN going to find
burglar without light? Find match
and light that mcasly gas, euick!"
Mrs. Spoopcndykc crawled out OF bed
and hunted around for skirt.
Whats the matter with ye? Can't
you find a match? Why don't you
movc?" hisseC Mr.. Spoopendyke.
81 am, as fast rs I can" replied his
wife, her teeth chatterinS "lm looking
for pin"
''Oh, you're moving like a railroad,
amt We? / never SAW anything fly like
you do! All you want ID to be done up In
white ana blue papers to DO a seidlitz
powder. What dye want of pin? Going
to stick pin in the burglar! Why don't
you light the gasp"
Mrs. Spoopcndykc broke 4 half dozen
matches and finally got light.
CHATS something like it," continued
Mr.. SpoOpendyke. "Now hand me my
pantaloons."
"You won't go down where they are,
will your" anxiously inquired Mrs.
Spoopendyke, handing over the garments.
Mr.. Spoopendykc vouchsafed no reply,
but donned the habilimeLts.
"NOw, you open the door" said he,
"and 20 the head Of the stairs and ask
who's there while find my stick. Hurry
up, or they'll get away"
lVhokbll a
them"
"Tcll them that I'm coming. Go ask
'cm will ye? What's the matter with
you?"
Mrs. Spoopcndyke opened tho door
about an inch, squealcd "Who's thcre2'
slammed the door and popped into bed.
"What ails ?" demanded her husband.
"What 90 you think you are, anyhow; a
cOnical shotf Get up, can't you, aid look
out. Where's my big sticka What have
you done with it? Sent it to school, haven't
ye? Go out and ask who's there, will ye,
before they come up and slaughter us"
Once more Mrs. SpOopendyke approach
cd the door and TREMENDOUSLY demanded
what was going on. There was no re-
sponsc, to her incalculable relief, and she
went to the head of the stairs.
''Sce anybody" whispered Mr.. Spoop-
cndykc, looking over her shoulder.
"Who's therc?' squealed Mrs. Spoop-
endykc. Go right away, because my
husband is here"
ooh yon,y, io,a !, ~ .,.olai,,ol NJ
SpOopendykc, "a he hauled her back into
the room. "Now, how do you suppose
I'm going to catch them? What do you
want to scare them away for? Think this
is a nominating convention? What made
you leave the house open? Come OH down
with me and III show you how to lock
up"
Down they went, and careful scrutiny
demonstrated that everything was fast.
81 don't believe there was anybody
there" said Mrs. Spoopendykc As they
returned to their chamber.
alt was not your fault" retortcd Mr..
Spoopendykc. eff you had got mp when
I told you and kept your mouth shut
we'd have got thom."
"But you said for me"
Didn't say Anything of tho sort!"
howled Mr.. Spoopondyke; "ncver men,
toned your name once. We might have
been killed, the way we went to work"
81 think we'd caught them If they'd
been there said Mrs. Spoopendyke, TAX
ing down her hair and proceeding TO put
1t up again.
you'd have caught 'em !" sneered Mr..
Spoopendyke. Gan you want is some
chloride of line and your accounts short
to be in the penitcntiary. Another time
n burglar gets into the house you stay
AIRED, and don't you wake up again.
won't have any dod-gastcd woman rsut-
Ing me out this time Of night, ye heart
Eyes, dear" and Mrs. Spoopendyke
wound her hand in the collar Of ker liege
lords night shirt and went to sleep, Sc
cure in his protection.-B Brooklyn Eagle.
How TO CURE DIAREHGA.-Tho Quos-
tiOn is often asked, what is the best rem
euy LOT DIarrHcof quite nutnocE oi
good remedies could BIO given, but the
speediest and most certain cure Of all, ia
the "Sever Springs Mass" have known
the worst cases cured In a days time. The
difference between the effects Of the
"Mass" and other remedies il, no pain or
gripping follows; 1t seems to act specific
ally, in allaying the Inflammation Of the
bowels. have never known IL to fail.