Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-04-19
LAUGHTER.

1
Revised "Take time by the bang"
It is we'll said that a man is not al
WAYS making point when he gets eff
sharp thing.
The juvenile yschtsman, whose
mother didn't know he WAS out was
caught in spanking breeze on shing-
ly beach.
Railroads are your true missionaries
see how they distribGte tracks in and
around the city.
The tavern keeper is constantly in
liquor but he frequently knows-better
than to get the liqlor into him.
Kerosene oil is again coming into
fashion ss an illumipator. The coming
servant-girl should be built With wings.
The milliners are having their spring
openings, and married mems pocket
books will shortly have to follow suit.
In Central America marriages the
groom provides the entire trousseau OF
the bride, but as it generally consists OF
piece of cotton about a yard square,
it doesn't cost him deuce of lot.
1t is said that the fashion in swear
ing is changing. The new style will
probably develop some word that will
prove adequate to the situation when
a mans suspenders break while he is
Waiting,
There i9 nothing to show what dis
ease killed Adam, bat it was doubtless
something like appleplexy.
The latest fashion craze is to take p
salt Goldfish, paint it full of fl overs and
nail it to the wall as a paror ornament.
A debating society in Iowa has 1876
bylaws to be observed, respected and
obeyed. How man possibly spit on
the stove when the society is in session
Is something we can't tackle.
Some captious critic complains that
there Is no genuine American play
Perhaps he has forgotten baseball and
poker.
A stylishly. dressed woman entered 8
| restaurant. The waiter handed her a
bill of fare and said: Please mark off
the dishes you wish to order" Could
a woman in sealskin confess that she
could not read I? Not much. Taking
a pencil she made a few dashes, and
her order read: DINNER 50 cents, s"
"March 20, SO B" vegetables" please
pay at the desk" celery" The waiter
brought her be- fsteak and onions, with
prune sauce, and she did not dare to
raise word in protest.
The drum is to be abolished from
use IN the French army. For long
time 1t has been snare and thing OF
hollow pretensiops.
A little girl, defining Clearing false
witness against your neighbour" said
sit was wnen nobody did nothing. and
somebody went and told of it,"
"Sit down. said nervous eld gen
tleman to his son, who was making too
much noise. Il won't do it," was the
impudent answer. swell, then, stand
up. | will be obey ed"
An Illinois chap, in describing a gale
of wind, says: "A white dog, while at
tempting 10 weather the gale, was
caught with his mouth open, and turn
ed completely inside out"
Physician TO government clerk y
"Well, what DO you complain oi?' G
C-Sleeplessness. doctor" Physician
"At what time do you 60 tC bed?" G.
C-"Oh, | don't mean at night; but
during Office hours"
Grandfather; "You are stupid. Char.
ley; the dullest boy ever saw" Char
ley; You must not expect me to
understand things as quickly as you
do, grandfather, because you don't have
the trouble to get 'em through your
hair"
1t is said that the deepest gorge in
the world has been discovered IN Col
orado. We always had the impression
tnat the biggest gorge in this country
might be witnessed 1T a railway station
where the train stops "6ve mimi es for
dinner"
An old judge of the New York SUI
preme court meeting friend in
neighboring village, exclaimed, "Why,
what are you doing here?" I'm at
work, trying to make an honest living"
was the reply. "Then you'll succeed"
said the judge, "for you'll have no COM
petition"
When the political situation was de-
cidedly complicated, a diplomatist
asked, Tslleyrand one night what was
his opinion as to the course of events.
My opinion" said Talleyrand, bland
ly, well, l have one opinion in the
morning and another in the afternoon,
but | never have an opinion at night"
Liverstick has been i'll for some
weeks, and Jones, meeting Smith, asks
"How's Liverstick, Smith-any betteI?7
" Well" says Smith, Ibis physician is
hopeful" Yes, yes" responded
Jones, chats all very well; but is his
undertaken hopeful? That's more to
the purpose" JOKES such peculiar
fellow.