The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-03-29
WIT AND HuMoR.

y
The proprietors of ice houses make
many cool thousand in the course of a
year.
In Siam the people worship the ele-
phant. In this country they only want
TO see him.
Kate Field failed because one of her
new clerks one day forgot to ask one of
the customers, Anything elsep"
The real glove fight occurs when
woman tries to put on a No. 6 gloves on
a No. hand.
A young lady is not like tree. You
can not estimate her age by counting
her rings:
A new story is called by Passion
Rocked Some one has been getting
mad and throwing small stones.
A new patent ballot-box has been in
vented which it is said "knocks the
stufiing out of the old kind.
The newest simile in Texas is ''over in
Mexico, where the soil is poorer thanan
amateur concert, " etc.
An economical woman after the death
of her infant used the remainder of her
soothing sirup to poison rats.
People say that blackberries are good
for the complexion; but who wants
blackberry complexionp
1t is a great consolation to see
plumber compelled to buy something at
retail drug store.-PhtlG. Times.
Many male brute who snarls and
growls at his wife in public, is very low
ing and tender when no one else is
around. He has to be.
The operators in mythical mines are
always willing to let you in; but there is
quite difference between letting you in
and letting you win.
It has now become fashionable in
eastern cities to be married as early as
6 O'Clock in the morning. This gives
fellow long day to repent in:
Simpson says that when he asked the
girl who is now his wife to marry him
she said at don't mind" and she never
has minded.
A mule never kicks the same object
twice. Probably for the same reason
that lightning never strikes twice in the
same place doesn't have to.
A new methodo of making up" ladies'
faces will soon be in vogue, vein OF
natural paint having been discovered in
Westmoreland county, Pennsylvania.
The question as to who is the hand
soonest woman in America is still in
dispute, but thousands of girls believe
that If it wasn't for their freckles they'd
justly be entitled to that distinction.
The are raising row with young
man in New Jersey who was engaged to
g.. ....Ao Il ~, q tc
ting so man can't have any fun at all
in that state.
Character of journalist by another
journalist: HE is the best fellow in the
world-indulgent to the vices of all his
friends and mercilcss only to their vir-
tues"
Tell your lawyer everything freely
and clearly" said wise father in adj
vising his son, who had gotinto trouble.
at is the lawyers business to touch
things up afterward.
One cause of poverty and distress
among fellows who marry before they
can raise mustache is that they gener-
ally become fathers of twins before they
are proprietors of two pair of pants.
A New York plumber is said to have
died from overwork. 1t is terribly hard
on man to hug the cook and solder
sink spout at the same time.-Lo,0eU
Citizen.
A female physician in a New York
town is charged with commencing post
mortem examination before the patient
was dead. She is entitled to the medal
as the most inquistive woman ON rec
ord.
The New York Sun has been showing.
how to live on so week, but up to the
hour of going to press very few young
men ON salary of Sc week have sue
ceeded in accomplishing the feat-ot
getting so.
''Poor fellow, he died in poverty"
said man of a person lately deceased.
THAT isn't anything" exclaimed a
seedy bystander. dying in poverty is
no hardship. It's living in poverty that
puts thumbscrews on fellow"
The queen of Servia writes all her
husbands letters while he pays billiards.
There are not many wives in this
country who would do that much, but
we can point out few who make it a
point to read all their husbands letters.
And wise women they are, too.
1t is said-we have never tried the ex-
periment-that when one is hurled into
the air by the bursting of boiler he
thinks of all the evil he has committed
in long life. If this be true there are
some men in this country who would
have to stay up about three months in
order to do this subject justice.
.'An Englishman shooting small game
in Germany said to his host that there
was spice of danger in shooting in
America 'Ah,n said the host, "you
like danger nit your sport? Then you
go out shooting NIT me- The last time
/ shoot mine bruder-in-law in the
schtomack."
a Washington lady went to a II
O'Clock breakfast, then to 2 o'clock
lunch, next ''tea" from 4 to g.. then to
dinner at 1880, and afterwards to re-
ception, and finally to german. When
she got home she found her husband
rocking the cradle with one hand and
trying to darn his stockings with the
other.
A Troy man had his ear ripped off by
buzz-saw. An excited young doctor,
who had been starving for seven months
for his first case, stuck it on backward,
sewed it fast, and it grew. And now
that man looks like crack trotter wait
ing to get the word, and he can hear
half way around the square in both di-
rections.
''Did you get any orders?" asked the
boss of the drummer who had just re-
turned from his first trip. ''Any orders?"
echoed the drummer; ''that's the
trouble; that's all l did get. l was
ordered out of every shop / went into
before could sell thing. Oh, yes,
orders enough, if that's all fellow
wants"
A young man in Kansas, who wanted
to teach school, but couldn't tell hori-
zontal from perpendicular, and when
asked what circular was said it was
fur lined cloak. He must have been a
near relative to the chap who was asked
what a cocktail was and replied that it
was "a bird what flops its wings, but
don't lay eggs"
''You see, grandma, we perforate an