The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-06-30
Paragraph Fiend.

Mr.. Nettle was married to Miss Thorn.
That's what you might call "prickly
pear"
| A man In Rochester has such cracked
voice that he rarely says anything without
breaking his word.
so tar as we are concerned style is no
object. We would just as leave walk to a
cemetery as ride in hearse.
"De mos corrupt men," says Uncle
Nose, "is sometimes way up De buzzard
sails heap higher den de partridge"
jenkins Is an every day sort of man.
said n. "Yes, l always thought HIM a
week specimen Of humanity" growled z.
Every woman who wants to marry goes
in TOR protection. After that she believes
in free trade-at the dry goods store.
People who think themselves smart 60
about asking questions like this: "Can q
rope walk?" We suppose it can, when 1t
Is taught.
China and Japan buy our dried apples
freely. Thus does American industry help
to swell the population Of the ORIENT
Boston Transcript.
There are seven thousand species of fish
known to men of science. The man of
science must be blamed sight luckier
than the average fisherman.
"Why are these flats called French flats? ?"
ITO distinguish them from American flats"
"What are American flats?" 1.-THE people
tina. live In French flats"
A lady writer is out with an article en-.
titled How to Catch Husband" But
her theory is wrong. Ask any married
woman how to catch usband aud she
will reply, "By the hair"
Gov. Begole, of Michigan, IN the absencc
OF his private secretary, sent communities.
ton TO the Legislature containing the words
've,oe," 'reckOrd," "mlssenformed," and
"proppery." But the sentiments were
correct enough.
A negro baby was born in Georgia re-
Gently which weighed only pound and
quarter, and Literary feIler," hearing of
the circumstance, remarked that it was
funny how anything so dark could be So
light.
When an Arkansas man let II be known
that he was gong to ride over to the cor.
ners to Stay man who had sold HIM u
spawned mule, four of his ncighbors went
along to see the killing and have chance
to draw pay as witnesses.
AT IL spiritual circle man had his hair
pulled so hard by spirit that it gave him
the headache. He went nome in great
anxiety, expecting TO fluid that his wife
had died suddenly during the night-the
hair pulling was SO natural.
An awful mash,
A little cash,
Two hearts that beat ss one!
Amt got cent
To pay the rent:
Col darn it, where's the fun?
Husband e A. Mater curtain lee
turt)-"Wcll, all I've got to say is, that
you are a person of such refinement and
good breeding you ought to be above talk.
Ing 20 "A drunken fellow at this time of the
night"
The Boston Post remarks that Eli Per
kins requested the press to quit referring
to him as II jackass and liar, and they did
and since then he has sunk from exalted |
celebrity TO an obscurity rivaling that Of
Mrs. Hayes husband.
The birdlet on the treeling
Now carols forth his notelet,
The boy that has no feeling
Ties tin cans TO the goatlet.
What then! The Spring is here,
In palace and in hutlet
The goat doeth get upon his ear,
And gives that boy Il bullet.
-Hdryard Crimson.
A spondent of the Atlanta Constitu-
ton, after giving an account of the at
tempted suicide Of woman who choked
herself with one OF her stockings, adds
Il am informed that the stocking was q
red and blue striped" Accuracy in details
IS an important article IN the stock in trade
IF newspaper man
The Utter Ocean editorial rooms should q,
be supplied with a Scotch glossary. In n
porderous leader the other day the editor
speaks Of politician whose courage
grows like that Of Burns's roaming swats
ch0 drank dlvlnely, and ,olto
WI tHppcnnie wad fear ma ell,
WI usfuebaugh we'd face the dell.
lie lmIng swats" being Scotch tor foaming
mugs OF beer, the writer's use OF the pro-
loun ~to IN such connection is rather
awkward |,
LOOK ADOPT.
LOOK aloft, oh, man, Of the groveing heart, ,
LOOK aloft in your hour Of sorrow! /,
-ooN alOit, oh, man; lifes bitterest part
Is his ceasless thought of tomorrow.
an up from the earth your downcast eyes,
10 the beautiful sky above you: /,
lice, oh, hide your tears and your signs
In the smiles OF those who love you.
at the dust receive bacL ita l;,draJ lus.