The banner-enterprise., 1883-04-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ifyou don't want to lose your gun,
never let it 60 off.
You can't well sell your eyes, but
you can often lend an ear to good
purpose.
A bonnet coverel with birds does
not sing, but the fellow who has to pay
for it whistle; when the bill comes in.
-Nelo York Commercial,
Some of the old railroad men are
thinking Of process to parayze and
petrfy tranps 50 that they can be
used as cross ties. --.Picay1tne.
The orator remarked, "What has
this country to expect after the Forty
seventh Congress?' and a hoarse whis-
per from the gallery responded, "The
torty-eighth."
When a man and h S wife engaged
in a debate the other night and the
dog got up and scratched to be let out
of the room, they concluded that it
was timeto stop the discussion.
Did you ever shake hands with a
beautiful girl about twenty years Of
age, who, instead of letting her hand
lie in yours like sick fish, gave you
good, hearty grasp? If you have, you
know what solid comfort is. Rochester
Express.
Fashionable young club men of New
York, sans aims and sans brains, who
ape the British snob in their dress, are
called dudes" We do not see much
economy in the new name. The old
title, "idiots," contains only one more
letter-NorrjstoUR HeFald.
There was man he had a clock,
His name was Matthew Mears;
He wound it re uar every day
For four and twenty years.
At last his precious timeptece proved
An eight day clock to be.
And a madder man than Mr.. Mears
You'd never wish to see.
A man uptown made wager with
a lady that he could thread a needle
quicker than she could sharpen lead
pencil The man Won-time, fourteen
minutes and forty seconds. 1t is
thought The result would have been
different il the woman had not run
out of lead pencil inside OF five min
utes.-NoTiSt0wn Herald.
A man was quietly munching on a
piece of pie in saloon, Friday morn
ing when look Of distress suddenly
displaced the serene expression op lis
face. Taking something from be-
tween his teeth, AMI looking at it, he
cried to the waiter, Here you, there's
stone ] found in this pien The
waiter took it, glanced at it critically,
AMI handing it back, briefly said: "It's
~ gool to us; you can have it.
Do@bury Ne10S.
And what, in the name of good
ness, is this? asked Mrs David Davis,
as tie senator lugged something into
the room and dropped it at her feet.
"This is my shirt. darling, and I viii
be greatly obliged if you will sew on u
button for me-" david Davis said
the lady, sternly, "when you bring me
your shirt / will sew on a button for
you, with pleasure, as becomes a fond
and dutiful wife but just now, sir l
must insist upon your removing this
eircus-canvas from my apartment. y
Cincinnati Enquirer.
A remarkable woman; DIR. Abe.-
nethy, the celebrated physician, was
never more displeased than by hearing
patient detail a long account of
,roubles. A woman, knowing Aber-
nethy's love of the laconie, having
burned her hand, called at his house.
Showing him her hand, she said: GA
burn" "A poultice," quietly answered
the learned doctor. The next day she
returned and said. "Better." "Con-
tinue the poultice" replied Dr. A. In
a week she made her last call and her
speech was heightened to three words:
"Well, your fee?" Nothing" said
the physician; you arc the most SEN
sible woman | ever saw."-Harper'S
BdzQg.