National Republican., 1883-03-13
rNCIvIL SERVICE.

UNCIvIL SERVICE.
How n Teasing Committee Tortured n
Young Man who Wanted 20 Find the
Civil Service Commission.
"will you be so kind as TO tell me where
the civil service commission s2"
The question was asked by young man of
apparently twenty-five years, who met three
middle-agcd gentlemen on Fifteenth street.
They seemed to him to be quito at home in
this great city, and he felt reassured when
they exchanged glances and one remarked:
"YOu have found us just coming from
lunch young man. Wo are what is known as
the preliminary or teasing commission. What
were you looking forY'
az want to be examined for clorkship i'm
the Treasury department"
The man with gray moustsche looked at
his watch and remarked that he thought they
would have time ifthey went to work at once,
and turning TO his companions he asked ono
to 20 over aud get the book containing tho
treasury questions, and suggested to the other
| that ho see that the examination room was
ready. Then he stood on the corner
and talked with the young man about
Wiggins's storm aud the heighth of the treas
ury building until ono returned and said tho
room was ready, and the other came back
| with the new census report carefully covered
| with brown paper. They followed the man
| who won't to see about the room with the air
| of commissioners who knew whore they were
going, and went into u back room In which
| were two round tables and several chairs.
| They kindly told the young man to put his
| hat and ovcrcoat in the corner, and then the
man who had the airs of chairman began
mildly making u fuss because the messenger
! was not present commissioner went out
and came back with slender young man,
with bright brown eyes and no beard who
| begged pardon for being out, and said he had
been to the president with batch of recon-
mendations from the full commission.
ssss.'They then settled down to work, first ex-
| planning that u small fee of - was necessary
to dcrray the incidental expenses of the ex-
! animation. This was plankcd down in silver
"Namc and age plcase?"
"Jabez Il. Dalzell, Putnam county, Ohio
age, twenty y-four-will be twenty-five the first
day of April next"
" Are YOU sure about the date of birth ?"
at says so in tho blank leaves of the old
Bible between the Apocrypha and the New
Testament"
Aside. "Put that down-April frst-born
April first"
'"Please spell Apocrypha?"
"A-p-o-c-r-a-p-h-y."
"That's very bad Had we better go on with
tho examination, Mr.. B2 Here is u young
man who wants to be clerk in the Treasury
department and don't know how to spell
apocrypha."
They all looked solemn, and agreed that it
was pretty bad but when the young man
asked permission to write it down, they agreed
that his confidence in himself gave evidence
of worthiness, and proceeded
"What branch of the service do you con-
slider yourself best fitted for?"
" Revenue, / guess. | was down at Cincin-
natl for year and was stOrekeeper i'll dis
tillery part of the time"
Here, messenger, bring in some beer. We
will examine him on the per cent. of alcohol.
Bring bottle of Milwaukee, two bottles of
Washington, and one of Philadelphia"
So the messenger took o portion of the So
which lay upon the table in silver, and while
he was gone the chief teaser asked
"What river empties into Africa from the
northY'
The young man said he supposed it was the
Nile, but he thought it emptied out Of Africa
instead of into ii.
He was admonished to be more direct with
his replies, and by this time the messenger
had returned with the beer, and he was di-
rected to taste glass that was filled with a
f little from each bottle, and then say what
per cent. Of alcohol it contained.
, He began to sweat under the problem, but
hated to back down, so he drank the beer and
f said he believed 1t must be either A. or 5, or q
per cent. He didn't pretend to know much
I about beer but once up at Cleveland he had
seen his brother-in- law get enough alcohol out
. of nine glasses to make him sleep all the way
. home in the wagon.
I Then they fell to quarreling among them.
n selves about the per cent, and sent out fol
;, four more bottles and drank that without
. coming to any settlement of the question. In
g fact, they came near forgetting that they were
n carrying on an examination, until the young
q man remarked that he was whisky store
n keeper and not u beer store keeper.
!, SO they sent out for q pint Of rye and pint
n of bourbon. He wondered why they needed
p so much for one examination, but suppOsnl
s it was all right, he complied when asked t.
n tell which was which.
i The examiners each had different opinion
h and drank away ut it until suddenly the
If chairman raped on the table and asked thu
q young man what he should do in case he fell
Il a adoubt as to which was rye and which bour
a. bon
!. lie suid he thought he should go to a chem
', ist and find out.
~ The three examiners looked aghast at eacl
10 other, and the head man said:
10 "We are sorry for you. Why, even th
il messenger knows better than that"
,- Messenger, what would you do?"
70 "Get decision from the first comptroller,
d promptly answered the young man.
d Then they asked the puzzled candidat
If what he knew about cigars, and put hin
d through a course of questions that set then
@, all smoking.
q He begged to be examined on the tariff o
{. anything but revenue, but they told him the
NJ thought he had better stick to revenue, an
@. if he would come back after the other commits
10 sion got itself established they could recon
mend him in everything but apocrypha an
NJ the rye-bourbon test.
II He went away disappointed, but the thre
Mt commissioners said they had not had so niue
mr. fun in one afternoon since congress adj djourne,
Work Days or Congress.
During the session of congress whic
closed ON the third instant the senate 81
"a days and the house of representatives Z