Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-10-01

give up all his vices.
Why are babies like new flannel? Be
cause they shrink from washing.
man in Rochester has such cracked
voice that he rarely says anything with
out breaking his word.
Why is railroad so patriotic p? Give
it up? Because it is bound to the coun-
try with the strongest ties.
A colored sister lately told her mistress
that they had introduced some delightful
irresponsible" readings at her church.
A boy that was kept after school for
bad photography excused himself to his
parents by saying that he was spell
bound.
Don't tell me you WON'T" said an FL
mira father to his little daughter of six
summers. swell, but papa" said the
artless little one, ''what shall say when
1 mean 1 won't?"
ssWhat wonderful age of invention it
is" said Mrs. Peterson; 81 see they are
now making wire cloth, and I'll have
some this very week to put seat in john
ny's everyday pants"
A colored woman, when reproved for
undue expression of grief, said: "Now
look here, honey, when de good Lord
sends us tribulations don't you s'pose he
s'pects us to tribulate p"
Longfellow said: ''In the world a man
must be either anvil or hammer" Long
fellow was wrong, however. Lots of men
are neither the active hammer nor the
sturdy anvil. They are nothing but bel
| lows.
"Who held the pass of Thermopyla
against the Persian host ?" demanded the
teacher. And the EDITORS boy at the foot
| of the class up and said "Father. reck
| on; he holds an annual on every road il
| the country that runs passenger train.
ssMay I have the honor to conduct you
daughter to the supper table" asked ;
/
country. "May you take her to support?
was the response; 'why, of course, ant
you can take me, too. That's what w
came here for"
Six lovely young school-ma'ms wer
out rowing on the placid Monongahel
last evening. A bold, wicked man o.
shore, who was bad boy few year
ago, instead of taking off his hat as tn
boats went by, simply remarked: "Be
hold the whaling fleet ~
ssWhats that, John? Is that the stag
coming ?" asked the summer hotel pre-
prietor of the porter" ''Yes, sir; CUES
it is" ''Then hurry up and put som
ether under the bulb of that thermomete
on the porch. They'll be here prett
quick and we must have it down to Is {
least"
'Now, Mr.. Overcharge, what will
cost to have hot and cold water put a
through my house? "Well, can't giN
| very close estimate until the job is cor
pleted. 1 will do the fair thing by yo
though" So the plumber went to wor
and three months later he owned Il
house.
A colored man in Virginia asked
white man for. small sum of money d.
him. Such an insult could only be wip
out with blood, and the high-toned, chi
alrous Virginian shot his prosecutor dea
The negroes of the South are slow
learn, but a few more such wholesor
lessons will be apt to teach them to knC
their places-and repudiate their del
like gentlemen.
Ten years ago two loving hearts we
separated by little quarrel owing to
miscarriage of an explanatory letter.
went West and married; she stayed E;
and married, and now both are once mt
free. He has eight children and the jan
dice, and she has seven and the dysp
sia, and neither has any idea of ever m
| rying again. Truth may be stran.
i than fiction, but it is not SO romatic.
A fashion item says that ssswallo
4 now decorate many articles of femin
4 attire. They appear painted or embro
u cred on dresses, enamelled on butt
\ and jewelry, and the real article is S
II ON bonnets." Heretofore Swallows" b
H principally decorated the masculine ne
and in some cases have garnished
k windows of homes with old hats.
lk new uses to which they are devoted
lk gratifying change.
s. WORLD OF GooD-One of the most popular
icines now before the American public, is Hop
ters- You it everywhere. People take 1t
III good effect 1t builds them up. 1t is not as ple'
APPS to the taste other Bitiers MS it is not
,0r key drink. 1t is more like the od-fashioned bor
exy tea. that has done world Of good. If you don't
Is Just right, try Hop BItters.-Nundd Netcs.