Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-09-25
Especial Correspondence of the Globe. ]

Special Correspondence or the GloDe.l
WILLARD EXCURSION, BIsMARoK.-The
homsward journey hitherto has been une-
ventful, as no halt has been made except
the necessary ones for water and fuel sup
plies, and unfortunately the same interest
ing scenery which was denied US on &C
count of the darkness on the outward trip,
was passed through again at night upon
the homeward voyage. Therefore all
those who, unlike the GLOBE correspond
ent, could not do without their eight or ten
hours sleep, missed seeing the magnificent
dalles of the Columbia and the weird
beauty of the bad lands of the Little Mis-
souri,. Time, however, did not hang heav-
lily, for everybody found amusement of
SONS kind. There was, of course, the in
evitable deck of cards in every coach.
Some amused themselves by displaying
their wealth of curiosities, in the shape
principally of Japan and Chinese goods,
purchased at Portland, some gentlemen
having spent with the heather merchants
no less than five hundred dollars, princi-
pally in silk goods and embroideries. But
the greater part of the time has
been spent in social intercourse, and Jokes,
racy tales and amusing anecdotes have
been the order of the day, and it was not
to be expected we could escape without a
fish story. Here it is as told in quaint
fashion by Morton McMichael, of the Phil
adelphia North american. It. should be
mentioned that Mr.. McMichael has a very
peculiar voice and in commencing a SEN
tence his tones are deep and sonorous, but
after the first few words the unrulY voice
wantonly glides up the scale till it reaches
a high, piping falsetto in which the SEN
tence is concluded.
He said that few years ago there was a
remarkable lawsuit brought into the courts
at Philadelphia in which an oyster saloon
keeper was plaintiff and the proprietor of
variety show was defendant. The oyster
dealer complained that he was greatly
damaged in his stock in trade by the brass
band of the variety show and he made out
his case in this way. He said that he had
fresh from the beds each day choice, fat
oysters which were placed in his saloon
opposite the variety theater. Now every
day the variety band would play outside
the show to draw the attention of the
ccowd,and the brassy tones of the instru-
ments were so excruciating in their horrid
din that his oysters opened their valves IN
spasmodic gasps, dried up and became a
total loss to him. This was a daily CO.
currence. While the trial was proceeding,
however, one of his men stumbled acct
dentally upon a device, which made the
oyster dealers fortune. One day, as
poor half starved bivalve opened his shell
to gasp at the first bray of the variety
shows cornet soloist, waiter thrust be-
tween the shells of the starveling spoon
full of oatmeal, with which he was about
to dress some oysters for frying. The
hungry moluse closed his she'll with snap,
and upon the feed of meal grew plump and
fat. Discovering this, the man fed in like
manner all the gasping heap, and, to his
establishment, instead of drying up, they
increased so much in size and condition
that he commenced purchasing the poorest
oysters, and, as regularly as the variety
band screamed and brayed, the hungry
things would receive from waiting hands a
spoonful of meal, which converted them at
once into prime marketable oysters.
Oysters, said the narrator, you know,
digest quickly. The saloon keeper, not
only withdraws the suit, but also paid the
variety man to keep up his charming
music.
Perhaps the best joke of the trip was
that innocently perpetrated by the Ore
gon Navigation company. Upon all their
steamers was newly posted the following
notice: "Any passengers so drunk or so
disorderly as to disturb the pease and
quiet of other passengers on this steamer
will be removed to the lower deck and put
overboard.' 1t is probable that the man
ager had heard of the fracas at hotel La
fayette and attributed the rumpus to the
guests in place of the walters.
AS l am now upon the story telling
theme l will give One by DR.. Roberts of
New York. That gentleman had in his en-
ploya colored man who one morning, to
the doctors surprise, sported new hat.
"Where did you get your hat, Pete," quer-
ried the doctor. Sat de stoah, massa,'
quoth Pete. what was the price, asked
the doctor. "Don't know" said Pete, "de
boss want thar when I got him.
1t was remarked that the Chinese are
very slow in learning the English Ian
guage,when the doctor stated that they red
Oily learn anything in the shape of oaths
and gave as an instance the following: A
Chinaman went to barber and had his
hair cut off, leaving instructions for the
barber to make up the hair into queue and
send it on to him. The hair did not come,
when Mr.. Chinaman wrote, "please send
hare, if don't send hare godamu."
Last evening Albert Scheffer read from
the GLOBE that Aid. Allen had felon on
his hand, when Mayor O'Brien remarked,
it is high time 1 returned if the acting
mayor has felons about him. A bvstand-
er suggested that the worthy alderman had
proved himself most efficient mayor
seeing he had the felons on his hands.
TIP TOP.
The most interesting and exciting part
of the journey home has been that over
the pass at Tip top on the the main range
and summit few miles west of Livingston.
The first descent is most remarkable
one with grade of 269 feet in a mile
with very sharp curve over trestle 226
high. Standing on the platform of the
car next the engine it looked terrible, and
seemed if nothing could prevent
the cars crushing down and mounting
clear over the engine, but then we had a
driver who thoroughly understood the iron
horse and held him we'll in hand. There
are two tunnels in construction, which will
obviate the necessity of the periIous
descent. This would almost be a pity if
1t were to do away with this thrilling part