Omaha daily bee., 1883-03-27
HELLOi HELLOi
MIR. Spoopendyke's Call by Telephone
Upon a Business Friend.

dyke, standing before the telephone
and preparing to explain Its mysteries
and advantages to his wife. "Now,
my, dear, this Is going to prove the
most convenient thing we ever had In
house. When l want to talk to any
one / Just turn this crank and say
Hello, Hello and the girl at the
Central says Hello, Hello and l tell
her who I want and she calls him up.
Now I'll ask for Mr., Specklewottle,"
and MIR. Spoopendyke turned the
crank, utterly forgetting to press the
button that makes the connection.
"What does he say2' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, cooking her head to one
side, as q woman always does when
her husband Is trying to listen.
"He don't say anything yet"
growled MI. Spoopendyke. "He
amt like you. He waits until be has
got something important on his mind,
and then he says 1t. Hello, hello!'
rosred Mr.. Spoopendyke, giving the
crank a vicious twist and glaring into
the nunclator with a vindlctive look.
Now you keep hat mouth of yours
tied up or you're liable to lose 1t some
!" with which doleful prognostica.
ton Mr.. Sp~oopendyke ratified away
at the crank and awaited some signs
of life at the other end.
~ suppose 1t Is really that girls
fault" murmured Mrs Spoopendyke,
snifiug at the instrument as though
she smelled the young lady from afar
and found her no better than she
ought to be. ~ don't suppose she's
there at all More likely she's CAD.
ding around somewhere.
"What'd ye want to talk Just then
for2" howled Mr. Spoopendyke.
whats your measly object In break.
Ing out with the conversational small
pox at that particular juncture. Don't
you know abe was just beginning to
talk, and you made me lose her2 1
tell you one thing" added Mr.. Spoop-
endyke with impressive solemnity,
'if you don't shut your mouth once
In a while the moths will get In there
and make you trouble"
"If she'd only Just commenced to
talk you haven't lost her" replied Mr..
Spoopendyke, wrinkling her nose,
''You'n have no trouble with her II
she's not started"
"Hello! Hello! call up MI. Speckle.
wottle!" bawled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
apparently convinced by his wife's
manner or his own experience.
"There, she's gone. Mouse for me tc
try anything when you've around.
Another time I want to talk through
a telephone I'll take 1t over In o vacant
lot. Do you know of anything thai
will keep you quiet for q moment2'
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke, hi
wrath rising as he contemplated hi
Ill usage. "Never mind the expense.
just name the article. Why didn't
you tell me, when you referred me t.
your measly old dad, that I was pro
posing marriage to a dod gasted steam
dictionary"
"ssy, dear, can 1 talk through ito
cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious tt
disarm her husband.
SIS there anything you can't tall
through2" rquesled MI. S~poopendyke
beginning to realize that there wa
something about the telephone that hi
did not thoroughly understand
"When I get a telephone for you tn,
diaphragm will be of double ant
twisted wrought steel, with railroat
tracks for wires, and I don't believ,
that will last more'n an hour. and
half! Hello, hello.o.o!' wake up an,
call up Specklewottle, dog blast ye!
and Mr.. Spoopendyke ratified away q
the crank until his arm ached.
"Be patient, dear. You see he
gone, and it's a long way to Mr.
Specklewottle's house. Perhaps h,
isn't home, and she's waiting for him.
"That's the way it works, eh2'
shrieked MI. Spoopeadyke, g~laripg a
his wife. "It took you to get hold O
1t. When 1 call that girl she goeI
home to dinner, and along In tn,
evening she goes around to Speckle
wottle's house and brings him here il
a hack. That's your Idea of 1t? o.
p'raps you've got some sort of a notior
that sheruns the wire through Speckle
w%ottle, turns on the current, ant
slams him right up here through thu
side of the house? That your idea
Well, she don't, and she don't breal
her back trying to make a dod gastet
idiot of herself, like some women!'
~ thinkI understand how 1t works,
faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Yor
say, yellow, yellow"
"There's the combination" YELLED
MI. Spoopendyke. "You got you
work In that time! Why didn't yer
tell me l was bringing this thing hom,
to the inventors What'd you wan
to let me stand up here and explain
this thing to the only comprehensive
brain that ever tackled 1t for? You'v,
got it2 With what you know now
and what you've got to find out, yol
only need a wig and a law suit to b
the whole science of electricity.
tell ye this Is the way 1t works!h an,
Mr.. Spoopendyke brought the box
kick that splintered 1t. "See |
work." he demanded, pulling at tn
wires until they cut his hands
"Watch It,. while I convey your re
CARDS to the other lunatics!" and h
danced on the remnants of the instru
ment and smashed the fragment
against the wall.
"Never mind, dear" demonstrate
Mrs. Spoopendyke, puttering aroun
after him and trying to soothe hin
"When we want Mr.. Specklewottl
again, we'll just send a servar
around after him. Thatll be muc
nicer than trusting to a nasty wir,
and l know there was q draugt
through that box, for l could feel
as soon as I came In the ROOM"
ooh, you could feel it," reared M
Spoopendyke, rather wondering no
he was going to account To the ron