Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-01-15

o do not part us to-day-together for sixty years.
Pat says the virgin forest is one where
the ''hand OF man never put fut.'
Let women be brought up to habits of
industry and economy and learn to sup
port a husband, and the tramp nuisance
would soon cease.
A new book is entitled, 'What woman
should know" We haven't seen the book,
but if it fulfils it's title it must be more
than twice as big as Webster's dictionary.
The shortest courtship on record is
here given A California miner fell in love
with a girl at first sight. She was equally
smitten with him, and the entire court
ship was, ''My pet?'' ''You bet!''
A darkey who said he had insured his
life on the ''pontoon" plan, when asked
| to explain the scheme, said he didn't
rightly understand what it was, but
| guessed it would get him over Jordan dry
| shod.
| Practical benevolence An old story is
being revived Of prayer-meeting held for
his leg. While Deacon Brown was pray
ing, tall fellow with an OK goad knocked
at the door, saying, ''Father could not
come, but he sent his prayers in the cart. -
They were potatoes, beef, pork and corn.
An old woman was asked what she
thought of one of her neighbors by the
name of Jones, and with a knowing look
replied: "Why, l don't like to say any
thing about my neighbors, but as to Mr..
Jones, sometimes l think, and then again
1 don't know, but after all, rather guess
he'll turn out to be good deal such a
sort of a man as / took him to be-
In town not a great many miles from
Boston a man stepped into a neighbOr's
house, where be saw the head of the fam
lily lying upon his back on the floor, an6
his wife standing over him, as he thought
with a threatening air, he was about tt
withdraw, when the PROSTATE man shout
ed: "Come along in, Steve; she is onl,
chalking me out a pair of pants
Congressman have a custom of SENDING
round their albums by pages for sigma
lures of their fellow members. The othe
day Congressman Moore of Tennessee
thought the little fellows who brough
him the books were soliciting for thei
own collections. So in kindly, fatherl
+ way he put some good advice of the copy
E book maxim style in each one. In Senate
Edmunds' he wrote with flourish, ''B
good boy and you will become goo
: man."
f Some children are singularly dull at tn
very moment when they are expected t
make the best showing. A nurse in
pious family who took occasion to pu
family who took occasion to put her littl
charge through sort Of catechism ever
night, called in the mother ON one occas
ion to let her see how nicely her pup
was getting along. 'Come now, darling,
she said, ''who is it that you love bette
than father or mother, or sister or brotl
er-better than all the world put togetl
k er?'' With a look of innocence that migl
: have been borrowed from the angels, tt
Christian cherub responded, ''Pie!'
. A bridal couple boarded the train
Kemptville the other day. The groo
: was strapping fellow, and squeezed tt
e bride into a seat next to the windoy
.e Some of the train hands, who were pos
ed, put the newsboy up to bringing in
box of baby rattles and offering the Ell
barassed couple their choice for five cent
All sorts of excuses were made by Il
man as reasons for not buying one. Fin;
8 ly he made clean breast OF the situate
with: 'sSee here, young feller, we've on
81 been married little over fifteen minute
81 Give Us rest. We don't want to set
q housekeeping right here in the car. Ke
Il your tin ware, and I'll be along next yes
Il If the returns are satisfactory, I'll b
81 your hull caboodle."
|