The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-03-28
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Wednesday, March 81, 1888
COMIC COMMENTS.

"A reaI Stalwart There is one man in
New Hampshire SO Stalwart that he won't
even bolt his door Boston Post
-Playwrights with hoes A good many
dramatists ought to be laboring on a plot OF
ground. - Glasgow Evenfng Times
"A bit of human nature: The man who
lost the election hat now cuts the winner as
though the latter had dedicated book Of
poems to him.-Pack
One, indeed: Housewife" Before
you employ must you ask, Have you a
loverT" Servant maiden" One? /
should smile l"-Translated from Omit
bus
The blind fiddler: Jess-"Its won
Ger hoo he can see tae dot, and him stone
bin I" Jock-"He disna need tae sect
iassi He hears t VII bis fingers r'-Lon.
don Punch
Sympathetic A good old Quaker lady,
after listening to the extravagant yarn of o
person as long as her patience would allow,
said to him "Friend, what pity it is q
sin to lie, when it seems so necessary to your
happiness l"-Sminqfeld Republican.
-Periphrastic: Concerning the person
who recently lost his life in burning Pull
man car on an English railway, the Coro.
ner's jury were of opinion "that he would
have effected his escape if he had not been
affected by a narcotic stupor. ~ london
World
Starting in business: A tramp applied
to citizen of Austin for nickel to buy
loaf of bread. Cant you go into any bus
mess that is more profitable than this P"
"Td like to open bank if only could
get the TOOLS" was the candid reply. - Terds
S.f6ngs.
Time will tell: Doctor, feeling pa
TENTS pulse: "Ah, Smith, you've been
put. You've not been combining yourself to
tea, and you've been smoking" Smith
swell, sir, it's no use my goin' aen that
watch O. yourn. Wonderful watch she be
Sims to know everythink! l never seen
none afore t could tell ye more n what
o'clock it is ~ london Fun.
"A changed man; 81 suppose that
Colonel Nugent, who was elected to the Leg.
lslature, puts on hemp of style now; he
feels himself safe in the saddle" ~ should
say he did. He has shaved off his beard
and put on some fine clothes. He is 0
changed man. Why, his appearance is sc
changed that he can no longer recognize
bis nearest friends and relatives. ~ eIds
S!fsings
Time to die: A Respe ctable Cow once
approached Butcher with the Remark:
"Will you Kindly knock me in the Head,
for already have Lived too long" "And
Why asked the Butcher in Amusement,
do you Desire to Perish 81 BECAUSE
replied the Conscience Smitten Cow with
blush. 81 am Overwhelmed by the Aw.
full Thought That l am Boss " eaeer
Tribune
NO mutually: Did You see dat boss
you was talkin' of buyn' 2" asked one Aus.
tin darkey of another. Yes, seed him, u
ibid you buy de boss ?" "No, I didn't
buy him, bekase dar was no mutually.
"What do you mean, niggah p % Oar was
no mutually. seed enuif OBJ de boss, but
de boss didn't see enuf oh me. He was
blind in one eye. Oar has ter be more mu-
tuality in boss trade. Teas IsJtings.
-somewhat subdnsd: "Say, Thomp
son." said Pete Bigelow to II lend last
Tuesday, don't ii look ms tho ugh Sile
Difenderfer was kinder subdued like ?n
"Subdued !" replied Thompson. "well, l
should say yes. That very quiet family
just now-that of Difenderfer's." "How
so" "Why, you see, Sile kissed his moth
sr-in-law on the back stairs the other even.
ing, installing her for the hired girl chi
cago Chetk
Caught: Said the father OF the bank
cashier: My son caught stealing, My
boy detected in dishonesty He, the light
of my life, ON whose education l have spent
30 much care. He has disgraced his family
We are all ruined And that my son should
have done this Why, old as l am, I'll bet
I'd worked it so they'd never have found
me out. Too bad! Too bad |" And over
come by emotion, the aged man wept.-
Boston Post.
Somewhat slow: A day or two ago a
passenger on milk train that ha d been de.
tanned some time on siding approached
the conductor and accosted him. /" Waiting
for blacksmith, conductor ?" he asked, in
q confidential whisper. mo" growled the
functionary what do we want of a black.
smith 2" ~ don't know" replica the pas
senger, with sigh 81 thought perhaps
this COW had cast shoe l''- brakes 7rap.
eier's Magazine.
"A terrible affair: Two actors recently
shot at each other in San Francisco. But
both, 80 deeply was their stage training in
corporated into their muscles, fired into the
air and fell down just like play. Those
who heard the noise and rushed forward to
raise the supposed corpses were greeted
with the Involuntary question from each :
"Is the curtain DOWN. As revolving
crime the affair was not precisely a success.
--L0ieeH Citizen.
Mistaken for twin: A Philadelphia
tailor sent messenger to collect bill.
The debtor was fashionable little fop re.
siding in swell section of the city with his
parents, who kept pet monkey that was in
the habit Of following the servant whenever
the door bell rang. The messenger return.
ed unsuccessful from his mission and was
asked by his employer, Did you see Mr.
NJ ?" mo-" he unhestatingly answer
cd. 81 didn't see Mr. M, but l can
take my oath I saw his twin brother sitting
on the parlor stairs. Brooklyn Eagle,
->.-~s--~
How They DANCE IN IrALY--In Italy
when the country men and women dance
together, the first thing they do is to toss of
their Shoes if they wear any. A man doesn't
go up to girl and ask If she win dance, bu,
he fixes his eye on her from distance and
mods. She mods in return, and then both
kick off their shoes and advance toward each
other and begin to dance. The dance, be
sides being an incessant up and down Of
steps, represents also quite little love drama
In gestures, and the success of the dance de.
ponds on the clevemess of the dancer to ex.
press this mimic scene. The man courts,
pleads, beseeches, runs after his dancer, tries