The Labor enquirer., 1883-01-13

Rev. DIR. B. lately gave this pulpit notice
"This congregation is respectfully invited to
attend the funeral of the only surviving SOD
. of Mr.. Thomas Miller, tomorrow, at 2 o'clock
pm"
The gIasshopper has, according to its size,
12O times the kicking power of an average
man. It must be exciting times for the y youug
prasshoppers which go courtiDg and find the
old man at home. ~ r..
Mamma-"Wby are you always beating
your doll? That isn't nice" Elsa----"Yes it Is,
/ | must beat the doll, because I don't want
papa TO tell me, as he always tells you, that
I am spelling my children" -...
Said visitor to Mrs. Miffn: "amma has
your features but think she's got her
fathers hair" sob, now I seeP said the
dear little Emma; "It's because ~ papa's
hair that he has to wear wig !"
$50 your business is picking up, eh :" said
faeetioas eobbler to a ragpicker who had
Just G .mmenced operations on an ash barrel
in front Of his shop door. Eyes, and l see
yours is mending," quickly replied the ragged
urchin. F~~.
the sun. "Eavens," said he, cow they ave
improved that there 'lectric light" After
moments pause, during which he gazed
upon the novel sight, he added, refectively,
"But 'ow did they get i'm up so 'igh?"
To all letters soliciting his subscription to
anything, Erskin had regular form of reply,
namely: "Sir feel much honored by your
appIicsti ton to me, and beg to subscribe"-
here the reader had to turn over the leaf
myself your very obedient serva t." etc.
Burglars broke into the Babies Shelter"
few nights since, and proceeding to investi-
gate when Sister Eliza screamed "William,
William '' The burglars left in haste,
William who was called, did not stir, because
he was two years old and was dreaming OF
Santa Claus,
The inexpert huntsman, having missed
FIVE partridges in succession, blazed away at
sixth, and cries exultantly to the game
keeper: "There l hit him! I saw the
feathers fly Didn't they ?" The game
keeper: 'Yes, sir, they dew-they flew off
with the bird I''
The ostrich does not set. sSho don't have
time. She does not squat down over some
thing and insist in hatching it out if it takes
all summer, but she just lays a couple of
porcelain cuspadors in the not sand when
she feels like it, and then goes away to the
seaside to quiet her shattered nerves.
A country gentleman, walking in his gar,
den, saw his gardner asleep under an arbor,
What" says he, ''asleep instead of at work?
You idle dog, You are not worthy that the
sun should shine on YOU" II am truly
sensible of my unworthiness," answered the
man, "and therefore lay myself down in
the shade"
Captain Ito two soldiers practicing with
their rife1)-"Come, let me have one of your
rifles. You shoot wretchedly." (He shoots
and misses.) '"There," he says, "that's the
way you shoot" (Shoois and misses again
to second soldier:) And that's the way you
shoot" Shoots again and hits y "And
that's the way shoot"
A Georgia preacher said II once loaned a
cart aud OK to some boys to 60 to a camp
meeting. They tied nubbin of corn to the
H. c. a H. CO. ;ro loo nF, IL
animals nose He came near running him,
self to death trying to get it. Brethren, the
devil keeps a dollar just ahead, and many OF
you are killing yourselves trying to get it,'
A New York paper tells of Vermont
bachelor who one day set the table in his
lonely abode with plates for himself and an
sat down to dine, and as often as he helped
himself to food he put the same quantity on
each of the other plates, and surveyed the
prospect, at the same time computing the
cost. he is still bachelor.
(which am de proper st way to suppress
ones SELF does yer say we eated at de table,
or, I'VE has done ate at de- table p" askei
one Austin darkey of another they being
engaged in grammatical discussion. As
they could uot agree, the question\was refer.
led to Uucle Nose for his decision, which
was; TN de case ob you two niggahs none
OBJ you am right" "What am de proper way
to say I'VE eated at de table Uncle Nose? ?"
ode properest way for sich cattle as you two
am to say we fed at de troft.'"