The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1883-01-03
The Majors Artificial Leg.

Major Tod :. Of Bangor. Me-, lost his
right leg at the battle OF Fredericksburg.
and some time ago he purchased an ar.
tilcial leg from man In Washington.
1t contained u system Of springs which
enabled the MAJOR to use II in such o
natural manner that when he was walk
ing along the street nobody would for
moment suppose that he had not both
of his own legs.
One Sunday, while the Major was on
his way to church, he slipped up on the
ice and gave the store leg severe
wrench. He must have dislocated some
Of the springs; for, after reaching the
church and taking his seat, and while
the clergyman was reading the Script
ures. the leg suddenly few up and rest
ed on the back OF the seat in front OF
him. The congregation looked at him
in amazement, and he grew very red in
the face. As soon as he took it down
1t jumped up again and wiggled about
on the back of the pew. finally kicking
Mrs. Thompson bonnet TO rags Then
the Major suppressed 1t again. and held
it down. but It instantly began con.
vusive movement In his own pew. dur.
ing VIII oh II upset the stools, plunged
around among the hymn books and
hats, and hammered the board beneath
the seat until the minister had to stop.
The sexton came rushing in to find out
what was the matter, and the Major.
alter explaining the difficulty In whis-
per, asked the sexton to let him lean
on him while he charged on the front
door. As soon as the Major got into
the aisle that dislocated leg kicked the
sexton sixteen or seventeen times In o
most insolent manner, var ing the ex-
ercses by making eece~'vic swoops OF
to one side, during winch 1t kic ed
eight OF the high hats at the pew doors
into black silk chaos.
BY the time the Major reached the
vestibule the leg had become perfectly
reckless. 1t flew up before and 1t ew
up behind. 1t butted against the good
leg, and darted out sdewise. and de-
scribed circles. and tried TO insert is
toes in the Majors ooat-tail pockets,
and to whack him on the nose. When
tho sexton came with the hack and pus
J the Major In It the leg banged through
the window glass. and when the driver
oot down to see about It the lex brand
Shed itself In his face. and concluded
the exercise BY planting q terrible blow
in his stomach. Then the Major told
the driver that he would give him ten
dollars to take the leg oil, and the
driver accepted the Offer For several
minutes it eluded all his efforts to catch
| 1t as it danced about, but finally he got
hold Of it and hung on while the Major
tried to unbuckle the straps. Then 1t
came of and rolled the driver in the
mud. He got up to watch It. y
writhed and kicked and jumped ant
throbbed and hopped; and whenevor. !
would make dash to 0na side or tn
other the crowd would scatter in orde
to give IL iull play. Finally Ben Wool
lev set his dog on It and most excl
ing contest snsued. the leg two or tire
times running of with the dog; and
: seemed likely that the dog would q
whipped. Mr.. Woolley got . erowse.c
D and aimed blow at the les VIA
4 intent to smash It But " ~. =
and nearly killed ths deg = ~
y 4 aga 3 and burt = ireo n1s s ! s ! ~
'. thsn there wes pexee \ =. ~
drove hone and st pig esIj r;s.s.,; -
: BE nas 8 x2sas99 ~ 1920