The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1883-06-26
Tilden's Tribulations.

Tilden's Tribulations.
New York World.
Il say. Mr.. Funk" said Mr.. Sam
uel J. Tilden last evening, as he sat il
his library at Graystone. to his con
fidential body-servant, shave you oh
served any reporters on the premise.
this afternoon ?"
81 have not" said Mr.. Funk, with
that remarkable self-complacency tha
distinguishes his class.
Il am heartily glad of that,
whispered Mr., Tilden. BY the way
Funk, have you turned the key in
the door ?"
81 have your homer" responded
Funk, who formerly served as a jan.
itor in one Of the city courts, thereby
acquiring the mode deferential in ad.
dressing his superiors.
81 think it would be well," contin.
ued Mr. Tilden, "to stuff a handker.
chief in the keyhole. for l have a
misgiving that there is a newspaper
shark in the neighborhoOd. Like
Betsy Trotwood, / feel that there is a
donkey on the green. Did you see
that little man who was here this
afternoon and who talked about
wanting to sell me an Alderny bull p
II saw him." replied Funk; "he is
farmer from up beyond Yonkers,
and he appeared like very nice
mar"
81 don't believe it, testify responds
Mr.. Tilden. eff | WAS a betting
man would wager my head against
the beer for two of us ---mind you
two of us. Funk---that he was a re-
porter for some New York newspa-
per in disguise. When asked him
about the price of the animal he said
something about the tariff being light.
and as soon as l heard that l dropped
off into a gentle doze. always do1e
away. you know. Funk. whenever 1
hear anything about the tariff now.
OF course you don't know anything
about it, but several very prominent
democratic statesmen have destroyed
themselves lately talking about the
tariff and political economy"
II heard one of the private secre-
taries sayin' as much yesterday said
Funk.
"Yes ; and wife We are On that
subject. Funk. wish you would
keep YOUR eve on the cook. She over.
heard conversation between myself
and visitor last week in which I
remarked indiscreetly that q tariff
for revenue only would he more bene-
fetal to the country than a revenue
derived from tariff only. / must
have been dazed when 1 made the
remark. because it seems to me now
utterly devoid of craftsmanship. IF
some reporter should happen to get
a moments conversation with the
cook, my prospects politically would
be ruined"
Il will make it my business to look
after the cook" said Funk, but /
must warn your honor against the
coachman. heard him telling the
housekeeper a couple of days ago that
eternal vigilance was the price of
liberty. and l presume he must have
picked that up from some converse
ton with YOUR honor. Do you think
that would damage YOU much if it
got into the papers ?"
"Not particularly, Funk. but Just
now We can't he too CAREFUL. / have
a horrible misgiving that the New
York World is about to interview
me. Do / talk in my sleep. Funk ?"
81 never heard Won make any oh
serva'ions in that condition." replied
Funk. "that could be used against
you. think you talk in cipher when
you're asleep. Leastwise l can't
understand it.
"Thank you. Funk" said Mr..
Tilden. "You have relieved me WON
derfullv. And now you may 60.
Funk, after preparing my dose of by
pophosphite. There is man named
Watterson in the city. l want to
warn you specially against him. He
is a tariff mailman. IF he comes
here. remember | am In the CITY.
Goodnight. Dcr't forget to look
under nv bed as you pass BY my bed
room. 1t would shock me terribly
if some reporter should be secreted
there and attempted to interview me
<bo n;rhS