davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
Ordered His Own Coffin,

A Detroit Meas reporter was. Joined
by cheerful companion as he wendell
his way from the Central Eepot this
morning. "Take square look at me,
partner" said the fellow, without the
ceremony of an introduction, and tell
me what you think of my general ap-
pearance. "
The reporter surveyed the man, but be-
fore he had time to think, was surprised
by another break. on his part about in
these words:
''My name is John P. Boyle, and I'm
from ortSarnia, and have just ordered
my coffin"
"What?" asked the reporter, cor.
dered your colin; not for immediate
use, hope.'
"Yes, sir for my own use and nv
own corpse in the bargain" was the
reply, seriously given.
''Are you sick?" asked the reporter.
Just thump that breast and see for
yourself, was the response. tWhy.n
he continued. I'm a complete wreck:
nothing left of me; and although I am
over forty years of age, don't remem-
Der the day that was well man.
'What is your occupations"
81 m a sailor; have worked on the
Northwest and John Sherman the past
season, buf.the jig's up with me now.
won live three days, and I am on nv
way. to the Marine Hospital to peg
out.
Here, Boyle exhibited papers showing
his service and identity, and then went
on to say:
Now you think it strange that
should 60 to an undertae er and order
a coffin for myself, but that thing has
been done before, and / have as GOOD
right to my choice as the richest. pro-
vided | don 60 over my pile.''
Boyle ratified away in this style as he
walked along, seemed to be rejoicing
over his anticipated early demise. and
was either a C ntirmed crank or an old
time hummer. Arrived at the post
ce he parted company with the re-
porter and assembled to the Custom
House to obtain Marine Hospital per-
init. His last words were that the doc
tors at the hospital would assure him
there was nothing the matter, but he
knew he was not more than three DAYS
for this earth, and wanted the reporter
to watch out and see if he was not a
prophet.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

Bret Harte was in turn a compost
tor, miner, school teacher, express mes
senger and driver of a laundry wagon.
John e. Whittier saws nobody
ought to write after seventy except DR..
Holmes, and he ought to keep on writ
ing till he is hundred.
-Of Oscar WIlde's future plans the
London World SAYS: s'He goes back to
America in the fall, then to Australia,
and ultimately to Heaven Could he
not be induced to reverse the order of
his tripp--N. y Post
Abraham Lincoln wrote in 1859:
81 must, in candor, say | do not think
myself fit for the Presidency. ] certain
" am fattered and gratifed that some
partial fl. ends think of me in that con-
nection, but l really think it best for
our cause that no concerted effort, such
as you suggest, should be made
Alexander IL Stephens was d.
minutive man physically, weighing less
than one hundred. and the lower por-
ton of his spare body had been the
same as dead, from paralysis. for twenty
years, but even in this condition he has
performed an emo nous amount of la
Dor. His mind has ever been vigorou'.
although his body was frail.-G Chicago
JouYndI.
Rev. DR.. Du Fuy, who has been for
eighteen years connected with the edi-
torial management of the New York
Christian Adcocdte, has resigned his
/ osition. He has number Of literary
and other works on hand which compel
his attention and take up his time.
Dlring a large part of the term OF his
editorial connection with the aper he
has done the heavie t part OF the work.
The death is announced, at the age
of sixty three, of John Owen, "Owain
Alaw." the national bard of VALE. He
had for many years taken.a prominent
part in Welsh musical education, and
was ways successful as an instructor.
He had assisted at all the Eisteddfodan
he'd in Wa es for thirty years, and had
composed an oratorio, Jeremiah,
which has long been extremely popular
in that country.
The composer Wagner died from
disease of the heart. He had on the
day of his death a severe attack, but
nad resolved on making an excursion IN
a gondola. He had another violent
seizure in the afternoon. A doctor was
summoned, and found his case hope
less. He died in his armchair, Cosima
Wagner, his wife, kneeling beside him,
and his children surro nding him.
m S. Emma B. Drexel, wife of
Francis A. rexel, of Philadelphia,
who died recently, was no'ed for her
extensive philanthropy. She paid the
rent of more than $50 families, and dis
tributed among the poor over $4,000
year. She employed woman to in
stitute inquiry into the merits of each
applicant, and once every week dis
pensed groceries, clothing and money
to the poor, who gathered every Tues
day in the rear of her residence. -
IlliIdde5phiG Press.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
Modern Foot Gear.

What ever led to the contrivan~e of
such foot-gear as the modern is some
thing that it exceeds the .acuteness of
the intellectual powers to discover-whv
1T came to be considered that there was
any especial beauty in two thin slips at
the ends of our feet, in tead of a pre-
sentatlon of the perfect outlines that are
seen in the foot of the new born child
or the young bare looted savage, or
why, in this age of reason and enlight-
eminent, it is allowed 10 pass that arts
boot-maker knows better about what is
lifting to represent the shape of the
human foot, or to support the human
frame, than nature, which made some
thing absolutely different from the de-
sired effect of that Partisan boot, and
the supposed shape ms de it. And still
more wonderful is it that we endure
bondage if we really recognize the
superiority of nature to the craftsman,
while we also know that the uncom-
pressed foot is mo e wholesome and
more lovely than one the result OF
bandages and bindings; that we our
selves confess to feeling exquisite sweet
ness and charm in u baby's dirnpled.
rosy, shell-like sock ess feet and disgust
at the grown UP foot; that the artist
who comes nearer to the knowledge of
positive and incontrovertible beauty. BY
instinct, by natural bias, and by educa-
ton, than any other, prefers the lines Of
the unconfined foot, and not on Y that
but prefers foot of size equal to the
proper carriage of the body, condemning
too small a foot as unfit, unsymmetrical,
and ungraeeful; and that, lastly. the de-
signer o. the frame where all the rest is
SO adjusted and SO adapted, and so fair
in its original intent, designed the foot
as it is, and as it is best it should be,
and not in the outlines of the last Of
the best Partisan boot-maker that ever
Waxed an end, Harpe7's Bazar,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
Important Results from a Suicide.

The motive for the settlement of
Geor=ia sprang from sUic de. In his
curious but excellent history Smollett
says, under date of 1873 u he most
important event of this year was a sui
eide in Fleet Prison" A book binder,
Richard Smith by name was imprisoned
with his wife and daughter for a trifl ng
sum. Under the oppressive debtor law
of England the3 despaired of Their con
dition; and having cut the throat OF their
daughter, hung themselves. They left
note rec;ting that in killing the +
daughter they had rescued her from a
lie worse than death. They begged
their landlord to be kind TO their dog
and cat. and viii ed that the sixpence
they left should be given to the person
who would deliver the note
England was Mortified at this tragedy
An investigation was ordered into the
condition of the prisons of the kingdom.
Young Oglethorpe was the head o this
committee, and entered on his work
with zeal and enthusiasm,
The best sentiment of the day FOL
lowed the committee. Poets sang its
praises. The pulpit commended its
work. : hiloSophers came to the front
with syllogisms. Political economists
offered theories. Rich men contributed
money. Legislators devised schemes
Demagogues acclaimed against all law
and Gglethorpe pat emily found out the
facts, and then devised a remedy.
At last he announced that he had
scheme Of relief. II was accepted be-
fore it was announced whether bank
rupt law or homes cad bill--but il it
had been, England Would have swal-
lowed it. His remedy was Colonial
ton" A new co ntry--a new chance
"a new lie new Surroundings and
new start-these were what he proposed
for the poor debtors.
A Utopian State-made up of small
land-holders-in fertile section, where
agriculture would assure an abundant
living-a new civilization. without ex-
trayagance or luxury, where there
would he little temptation to incur debts
anew land of resource that would re-
pay the charity of the mother country
this was the dream of Oglethorpe.
His view was accepted. A committee
was selected to start the colonization.
An abundance of money was raised.
King George gave large tract of land
colonize the poor debtors of the king
dom The grant was received by the
committee, and the new colony was
called in honor of the King, Georgia. +"
.-Atld5atG Constitution.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23

Nora laughed. Sure, does your high
ness think I've nothing else to do but
muse you? Run away, darlin', and
don t bother-Tm in hurry
''Oh dear mer' ghed the poor child,
nobody loves me. and | don't s'pose
Jessie will let me be her little girl any
more, and can't be Nora littlegir no
way, for she don't try to make me
happy, and I'm afraid l can't stand it
much longer
Just then her little kitten came in and
jumped up in her lap as if she wished to
comfort her forlorn little mistress, but
Zena wouldn't be comforted.
"Kittie.'' she said, "you needn't
s'pose I'm going to love you any more.
Nobody loves me. and you won't think
it's quite so nice when you grow up big
as me, to have folks call you bother,
and nobody want you round in the way
nor nothin'. You'll think its q drefle
world, Kittie.''
The clock struck twelve. It was time
Tor Iena's usual nap, and she could
hardly keep her eyes open, so she took
her kitten in her armsand climbed up on
~ 010 SOle. anu very soon Sne was last
asleep. Here Jessie found her an hour
after, when she returned.
Poor little Iena," she said, kissing
the tear-stained cheek and taking the
child in her arms.
Jena opened her blue ewes wide, then
shrew her arms around Jessie's neck
and sobbed out:
"Oh, Jessie. won't you let me be
your little girlp If you only will, | won't
never be cross no more. s'long as l live.
And | shan never tease for sometime
tween meals 'cept bread and-milk and
'lasses cookies, forever and ever! Won't
you, please, Jessie, darling?''
Jessie said Yes" and very soon the
little girl was singing to her dolly. as
happy as ii she had never had any
trouble. = Youths CoR1pan. on.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
Our Young Readers.
ETHEL'S ADVICE.


Tn five years odd
a little Dot.
Grandpa says. Indeed I'm not.
mat Babyss name there, crawling on the
While reach halfway up this door.
I'm five years old!
Baby, Just see
How big I ami Look atmei
rs got to be days, an days. an days, my dear,
Fore you viii ever reach up here.
Now tell you,
For IknoU,
You've got to have lots of things-gol
Whoopin' cough, an measles, Baby dear,
An somethin' makes your face stick out so
queer.
An scarlet fever,
Oh. an Group.
An chicken-chicken-n 'tisn't COOP,
Por, that's it; you must have that Baby dear
Very hard, fore you can reach up here.
An teeth comm
That II be the very worst, may be.
An they'll ache, an ache, an you will squeal;
Then Nursey'l pull EN- out. How'll that
feel?
Just alpfld. But then,
To be big like me,
You must have all these things, you see;
But never mind; you can pull folks hair,
An tweak whiskers, an they don't dare
Tweak back; cause you are
A baby; see?
Oh, an when Nursey gives you catnip tea
You can blow it if you re very quick;
tried it once when l was sick,
An laugh now, ~
At Nurseys face;
blew that spoonful in every place
PreZac'ly far as / could blow;
But youth do it better, Baby dear, know.
Now, member, Baby dear,
All I've said;
I'd think it over in W ur bed
When you have nothn' else to do,
An study up new things, if were you,
Cause each baby does new things
OF her very own;
did; an see how big I've growni
So you must think up things yourself, Baby
dear,
Else you will never reach up herel
-MGTydTet Sidneg IN Wide AtUdhe.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
HOME, FARM AND GARDEN.

Every flower about the house certl-
fies to the refinement of somebody.
Every vine, climbing and blossonling,
tells of love and JOY.
Corn is thought to grow better if
the rows run north and south, so that
the sun will shine equally on each side
of the stalk.
Examine your stock every few
weeks to see that they are free from
lice. Powdered charcoal, coal dust or
road dust siftedinto the lair are all good
remedies. N 7. Herald.
Surprise Cake: One egg. one cnpful
OF sugar, half a cupful of butter, one
cupful of sweet milk, one heaping tea
spoonful of baking powder. Flavor
with lemon or vanilla. Use about one
coffee-cupful of flour. The Household.
"A celebrated horticulturist declares
positively that, taking the average of
the whole country, small fruits straw
berries, raspberries. black berries, cur
rants, grapes, etc. nearly double
the profit Of apples, pears, peaches,
plums, etc. He does not include cher
ries. Chicago Tribune.
Tar is one of the most useful arti-
cses to be Kept about stable. Inter
nally use teaspoonful night and morn
ing for chronic coughs; externally it is
particularly useful in thrush and all dis
eases or wounds of the foot Mixed
with fish oil it is one of the best rem
edies for hard or brittle feet.-Amey-
aean Farmer.
Fish Cake: Take what remains of
any cold fish, remove the bones, mince
it, and add equal quantities of bread
crumbs and cold mashed potato and
parsley cut very sine, and salt and
pepper. Make into stiff paste with
milk and little butter or an egg; form
into cakes, sift fine bread crumbs over
them and fry light, pretty brown
Cincinnati Times.
= Three tablespoonfuls of oil to one
OF vinegar, a salt-spoon heaping full of
salt, and two thirds full of black pepper,
with pinch of cayenne, are the proper
proportions for a plain salad dressing.
To vary this add small picked onion,
chopped very fine, or raw onion and
a cucumber pickle, with little pepper
and salt added to little vinegar, makes
an appetizing dressing for cold boiled
pigs feet. N Y. Post.
The Boston american CuytSuGtor
states that 1.-THE first and most important
consideration in selecting spot for the
garden is the sit alton The most suit
able is a very gentle inclination toward
the east or southeast, that it may have
all the advantages of the morning sun.
The next preferable exposure is south
or southwest; if sheltered from the
north or northwest so much the better
Always avoid, if possible, the neighbor-
hood of large spreading trees, as their
roots will exhaust the soil, and their
shade injure the crops
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
The Man Who Swallowed spoon.

The waiter Geniscain who swallowed
the spoon four months ago in Paris, and
on whom DR.. Felicet performed the
operation of gastrotomy, is dead. The
operation, as we stated at the time, was
most successful. The spoon was taken
out and the opening in the stomach
stitched up again with silver wire. He
was put on a rigorous diet of rum and
soup. and was favorably progressing
toward what was confidently expected
would prove complete recovery. I'm
happily, however, some three weeks
ago he was seized with violent craving
for more solid food, and, profting by
the absence of the person who was
placed in charge of him. he managed to
ct hold of loaf of bread and large
piece of cheese, which he ate greedily.
AS was to be expected Inflammation
speedily declared itself, the suture came
uRdone and the wound reopened. 1t
was stitched up again; but after little
time peritonitis supervened, and he died
on Sunday last at the hospital of st.
Louis. ST. James Gazette,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
; HUMOROUS.


When a man $ out OF date: When
he's weak back.
The dog star is sky(e) terrier 1t
is broadly insinuated that the inventor
of this coincidence was Sirius. N. y
Nea0s.
Tom Thumb says it hurts him just
as much to fal down as it does full
grown man, but he should remember
that it doesn't jar the city quite as hard
Detroit Free Press.
How it Ended. -
Gray dawn was in the Eastern sky,
The rain was falling patter, patter;
Is ueezed her hand and-well, no matter,
The boot7jack took me on the fly.
"A New Haven lady having noticed
gentleman acquaintance standing in
a fixed position in a hook and paper
store yester Jay afternoon, entere the
store and asked him if he was station
ery.-ReqiSte4.
"A Kentucky woman has nearly re-
formed her husband by persuading him
to use bottles OF whisky as weights for
the clock. The o.tener he drinks the
slower the clock goes, and the longer he
LIDS W WdIb IOI LIS 116d >.
Prof. Julien assert that the brown
stone houses of New York viii entirely
crumble away in less than one thousand
years, SO ruinous is our atmosphere.
That settles it. We shall not build a
broWn-stone house. Itwouldn' be econ
omy.--NorYistoa03 Herald.
"A book agent tried to sell Cincin-
natl Isishman a copy of ''Hiawa ha :"
Pat looked at the tit e and then at tn J
canvasser. Higher wather, Is itPn
says he; ''be iabers the wather in these
diggins is quote high enough, me by,
for any dacent man. So lie offwid yez!''
NJ Y. AdvertGser.
-Anewlv-married couple from s.Way-
back were in the city yesterday, and.
of course, found an oyster saloon the
first thing. '.How do you want them,
on the half-shellp" the waiter asked the
groom. f'Nah-sir-ee! thar's no half
shell business with this weddin' trip;
give EN- to us on the whole shell. =
Rochester ost-DispGtch.
So Will you have your eggs scram-
bled or poached?' asked asecond grade
hotel waiter of agrangerly looking hun
cry man who sat down to table in his
overcoat. "Nuther one," was the
quick reply. 1--we been scrambling
around and poaching through the mud
all day myself, and have got enough of
it. don't want any of your lively city
eggs. anyway. Bring me a sasserful
that have never been set on, and bile m
hull. n-Detr0I Post.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23

| had seen, and in specializing about
the future; was anxious to see the end
of the story. | wa ted a long. long
time for f rther Developments, and at
last grew tired of waiting. Still time
went on. and nobody came to take me
out / grew stiff and yellow. felt in
every straw and thread that was unde-s
niably an old hat
| must have passed into a dormant
state in which / remained know not
how long.
But suddenly found myself in broad
daylight again, and when / had col
lected myself sufficiently to know what
was about me. was astonished to find
myself being held off at arms length
by my own Nellie, in pretty pink do
nestle apron, prettier PINK busting
cap, and the prettiest pink in her cheeks
ever saw.
John Wentworth, what is this?' she
asked.
"A shade hat. think you used to call
it, my dear"
Il shou d think so 1t is the very
hat | wore two years ago in the coun-
try she said
.'As l distinctly remember, Mrs.
Wentworth"
Where did you get it. and what is
it doing here?n Nellie asked.
81 got it from Mrs. Muldooney's lit
tie girl, and it is there ecause it is one
of my treasures.
Then he told her a about his finding
me, that daY, with the little sick girl,
and how when he saw the note there
he knew she had never seen it, and
how he had got her address and heard
about her from Mrs. Mu,dooney.
$50 you see. if it had not been for
this hat l might never have found you
aga n, and this day instead of having
the best wife in the world | should have
been confirmed old bachelor"
| slipped down behind the table. and
nobody pad any attention to me. They
must have been nearer each other than
was to either of them, because /
could hardly catch word they said.
But ] heard again the same sweetsound
that puzzled me once before, while we
were spending the summer in the coun-
try.-Susie B. Steadnaan, IN BGIlou's
Magazine.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23
Toms Manners.

EOHlS MaHucrSs
Toms father was a rich man, and
Tom lived in large house in the coun-
try. He had pony and many other
pets. and wore fine clothes Tom was
very proud of all the fine things h S
fathers money bought He began to
think that being rich was better than
being good. He grew very rude, and
was cross to the servants. Once he
kicked Towser; but the dog growled,
and Tom was afraid to kick him again
One day when Tom was playing in
the yard he saw boy standing by the
gate. He was ragged and dirty, his
hat was torn, and his feet were bare.
But he had pleasant face In one
hand he carried pail half full OF black
berries.
$50 away from here" said Tom,
running to the gate. ave are rich, and
don't want ragged boys around"
please give me a drink sad the
boy. ''If you are so rich, you can
spare me dipper of water"
1--WE can't spare you anything" said
Tom. eff you don't go away wal set
the dogs on you"
The boy laughed and wal ed away,
swinging the tin pail in his hand.
Il think will get some blackberr.es,
too," said Tom to himself. He went
out of the gate into a lane leading to a
meadow where there were plenty of
berries.
Tom saw some fine large ones grow
ing just over ditch. He thought he
could leap over it very easily. He gave
run and very big jump. The ditch
was wider than he had thought and, in
stead of going overit, he came down in
the middle of it.
The mud was very thick and soft, and
Tom sank down N it to his waist. He
was very much frightened, and
screamed for help. But he had not
much hope that help would come, for
he was long way from any house.
He screamed until he was tired. He
be2an to think he would have to spend
the night in the ditch, when he heard
cps on the grass. Lookingup he saw
the ragged boy he had driven rom the
gate ~
"flease help me OUT said Tom,
cryin II viii give you a dollar
81 don't want the dollar" said the
boy, ~ ng down tat on the grass He
held out both his hands to Tom. and
drew him out OF the ditch.
Tom was covered with mud. his hat
was gone, and one shoe was lost in the
ditch. He look very miserable.
"Who is dirty now?" asked the boy.
81 am, said poor Tom; 'but | hank
you very much for helping rue out of
the mire. And | am sorry sent you
away from the gate "
The next tine | come, perhaps GU
will treat me better" said the boy. II
am not rich, but am stronger than
GU aHe, and think have better man
ners."
81 think so, too" said Tom.
The next dav, when Tom saw the
boy go ng by the gate, he called him in,
showed him his rabbits, doves and little
ducks, and gave him ride on his pony
You have good manners now,' said
the boy.
Yes said Tom, Il found them in
the ditch. Our Lille ones.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-03-23

Wish me well' he said, and gazed,
Ali his soul into my eyes;
MARY, / would win wife,
Do you care to listen who~
AS for me / stood amazed
In sort of glad surprise;
And the secret of my life
Blossomed into beauty new.
Tall and stately doth she go
Like a queen through woodland ways;
And her voice is sweet and clear
AS mated nighnneale's.
Tell me, Mary, do you know
Her, whom [ would fifty praise;
But when | have called her dear,
Find no other word availsF
All the autumn woodland seemed
To awake in summer glow;
AS, with blush on cheek and brow,
confessed him dear to me.
When / told him what dreamed,
He made answer, laughing low:
did they never tell you how
Dre4ms always contrary got"
g. B. Stuart, in Ar0oSy.