The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-05-31
AN ANTIOUATED ASS.
A 0levelandar Turns Mormon and Marries
Three Wives. with the Usual Result,

The cultured liar of The ,SaB Lake
Otah) Tribune records the following
concerning a Clevelander, which i.
plausible enough to be true, but should
(says The C3eUetand Lcade1) be dissect
ed thoroughly before being swallowed
in its entirety:
sin Cleveland, O., there not long
since lived an old gentleman by the
name of Blank. He was once q sign
painter by trade; made lots of money
by it; never spent q cent for drink, and
so he got rich. He was always nicely
dressed and very fond of the girls, and
the nice girls, he said were all very fond
of him. But the old man had now be-
come sixty years of age, and he was not
married, so he looked at long list of
respectable young women TO choose
from. The decision was q little diff
fcult, indeed, because everyone he ap-
preached about marriage began to tit
ter. He was apparently not aware that
he was not q young WOOer any more,
and that he would have to 90 back 70
the old girls, and include in his list the
respectable girls of thirty. There stood
on the end of his list very well edu-
Gated, handsome girl. She had good
deal OF money, too, and she could not
refuse him because she was his niece.
That was his happy idea; happy that
the old girl should be his wife. He WAS
not afraid ut all to state his proposal.
Laura" he said confidently, Il tell
you am going TO marry (taling her
hand). q know | am almost an old
bachelor, but you are no spring chicken
you are an old girl, too
Like a wounded ioness she sprang
up. 'tWhat are you calling me? An
old girl. I'm old enough never to take
an old FOOL
Heavens! do you take your uncle.
for an old fool because he's going to
marry you? tell you I'll get three for
one, as young and handsome as [ want
them"
Laura laughed ironically.
''pll bet you I can," shouted the old
fellow.
So he left her, and on the next train
started for the southern part of Utah.
He was in earlier days acquainted with
q Mormon Bishop, whom he heard had
quite stock of women and children.
Bishop" said he, 81 want you to
provide me with three of the han;tsomest
young girls you can find, not older than
nineteen years; l want them to marry,
you know"
s'Hold on, friend,'' said the bishop,
'tare you Mormon?'
"Not yet; but let mo join the church
as quickly rs possible. Never mind the
cost. The only condition l make is
that those three girls may ride with me
in few days to Cleveland, o."
Well" said the bishop, ''allow me
to introduce you to my families first"
So he made an arrangement that all his
marriageable daughters hold meeting
in the afternoon. There were fifteen
Some were ugly and some were fair.
But there We're three just of the same
size. The Cleveland man had never
seen so handsome trio.
"Bishop," said he, 81 have made up
my mind; let me have those three
''Hold on" said the bishop again;
81 cannot give YOU them. These three
girls you have chosen are the pets of
Utah, because they are a masterpiece of
polygamy. They were born nineteen
years ago at the same hour. They are
three twin children from one father and
three mothers. You will never find
such a trio in the world again
Uncle Blank didn't start from Cleve-
land without taking with him 81 big
check-book. But he haggled about the
price. The bishop asked ASA security
IS, 900 each. and finally Hudson agreed
to it and gave him $4,000 check.
A splendid wedding party came to
Salt Lake. After the different secret
ceremonies in the Endowment-house
were over, the happy bridegroom was
on his bridal trip to Cleveland. His
feelings were divided between love and
revenge. He could hardly await the
moment to introduce his three wives
to his proud old niece. When he got to
Cleveland, however, he was sorrowfully
surprised. The old maid was dead,
His old friends threatened hiln with
prosecution for polygamy, and he had
to buy hastily four tickets to return to
Utah.
1t is hardly year since that wedding
of three twin children, the masterpiece
of polygamy, and Blank is sitting be-
tween three cradles; in each cradle is q
crying Mormon twin.
The convert from Cleveland had to
stay in Utah, and us he thinks about his
dead niece he sobbingly says: Laura,
you We're right; l am an old fool?'.