Tolland County press., 1883-02-08
AUNT SAMANTHA DooLlTTLE,s EXPERIENCE
9TH PAPER.

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 9TH PAPER.
 Spunky Holer, Jan. 9th.
 I've larnt good menny lessons from experience sence that never tew be forgot ten mite, but the wun I larnt then was never tew cross streem till got tew 1t. For arter I'd sot thare and enjoyed myself in plannin' how much cumfort cud take when was grass widder, and he'd got everything all settled in my own mind, it was Iuther disapintin' when went out of the hall to find Liab standin' thare by the side of old Kate, watein', as innercent and onest as tho''he haddent been nibblin' at Satan's bate all the evenin', and, for all kew, was as mad as hornet inside GUS he haddent swallered it, hook and all. I new thare was fun ahed for sumboddy, but 'twarn't no use tew sa ennything then, fer, unless you are druv into battel, I never reckoned it was good pollycy tew begin fite with the odds agin ye. But 'twarn't long before 1t commenced, for when was mendin' the pocket of Liabs cote, and found letter sined sslovinly Nancy" new the ball had opened, and the program was all Tit out They was goln' tew drive over tew Hicksville, in tune tew take the seven o'clock express, the next Thursday mite and she only lived in antisapashun of the hour when she shuld bid long farewell tew Spunky Holler, and begin a new life of parfeot bliss with her soles affinity. I red that letter with feslins which you can imagin but can't describe, but arter I'd thort mint I new jest what I was goin' tew dew. So put on my things and walked into Spunky Heller; fer I he'd an arrant tew the drug store, and I new Lihu Green he'd horse and waggen that was sound and kind, and wud let wimmin driv him. So got the lone of him tew go tew Kicks vile, and wud cum for him arter supper. l new the old man was dyin' with kuriosi- " to no what 1t all ment; but diddent lxplane, and don't beleave he noes it all tew this day. l warn't bit surprised when Llab told us he was goin' over tew Brown's Corners that afternoon tew see a Durham COW he heerd was for sale. and mabe he shuldnt get home very airly: but when he wanted fine shirt and his best overcote cudn't resist the tempta- tlon tew ask him if he warn't dressin' up putty considerable tew go on COW hunt. and If he diddent want me tew go along with him but he sed he diddent, so ] went inter the kitchen so'st tew have supper reddy by the time he cum down. Liab was master hand fer coffee, so I made him cup strong and sweet, and seasoned 1t with my arrant tew the drug store. To tell the truth, l was leetlle bit scart when he drunk that coffee, fer new then the hull program he'd got tew be cared out, and warnt enny ways sure whether 1t wud be suckces or faleyure. Liab was Tn tolable hurry, so arter he was out of site went over tew nabor Greens, and as soon as thort twud do I started along towards Hicksville. I new if they warn't hindered enny l shuddent get rite on 'em, but l was morally sartin thay wud be by the time thay got thare, if not before; and shure enuff, the fust thing see, rite in frunt of Mayne's tavern, was old Kate and the buggy. It diddent take but one look at the demoralized condishun of things tew convince me that sumbuddy he'd had a streak of bad luck And old Kate's he'd hung down as she was ashamed of suthin, or else was debatin' in her mind the diff ferent stages of see sickness, and wonder in If 1t was ketchin'. I'll allow when I got in, and see Liab layin' there so white and sick lookin', was properly tux by surprise, and wud hev ben sorry if cud, espeshalls as the widder he'd desarted him as soon as she found out he cudn't git no further. He did look sick enuff tew die, and when l asked him what in creation was the matter, he allowed he diddent nc, but thort 1t must be colsry or pizen, fer he never was so sick in his life, and he new he shud die. l suggested that mabe ridin' with the ladies diddent agree with him, and he sed it mite be that was what was the matter, fer he was tuk sick in less thsn ten minnlts arter Mrs. Smith got inter the waggin beside of him, and he kep groin wus as long as she stade. But, if he ever got over this, he vowed twud be the last time she d ever ride with him, fer the very thorts on her was enuff tew fetch his heels rite up thru the top of his he'd. It was a resky experiment, but it was perfectly success full one. And ain't bid afrade to in- dorse the prescription, that fer ordinary atacks of widders and sich thars ain't nothin' better than cup of coffee sweet ened with ippecac iudiciously administer ed, and with proper care afterwe-d, it's never none to fale of effectin' cure.
 | Twas about this time that Bob Smiley begun tew corte Hammer putty serius. We was sartin that she ment bizzness, and if she dun as we'll as she cud thare warn't no fneed of his findin' out till arterward but what she was modern Griselda; fer in all my experience never met her ekal in the art of deceavin. And I'm morally sartin thare never was but one that out-ranked her in that line, and that was the fello who convinced our maternal ansister that stolen frute was the sweetest, and all thare was groin that was fit tew etc; and that the punishment promised for disobediencs, and which has ben handed down as an air loom to posterity, was better, and more tew be desired than the reward of \ obedience. Alas for the Hammers of the matrimonial market; thare name is le- zion, and they are not confined to sex or place. Thare history is comprised in these little lines, which contane more truth and sum potry
 A little kiss; a little bliss
 ring; the thing is ended.
 little jaw a little law,
 l And thus the bonds are rsnded.
 | Yours truly, AUNT SAMA NTHA DooLITTLE.
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 JACK FRosT's AouARIuM.--A Wisconsin