The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-05-24
WIT AND auMoR.

Is sole proprietor.
It's no wonder that the Mormons
thinks highly of their religion. It's very
reviewing.
a pint of whisky put in fruit cake
will keep it for six months, and the same
amount put in man will keep him
down town till two in the morning.
II don't want TO fine you," said pc
lice judge to miscreant. Then. judge,
l will relieve you of any trouble. You
needn't fine me. n-ArkGnSdaO TrdUeler.
The verdict in this city is that Mrs.
Langtry is q very beautiful woman
with her back turned. Rochester En-
press.
Hens may be little backward on
eggs, but they never fail to come to the
scratch where the flower beds are con-
cerned.
Inquirer: What objection is there to
going fishing on Sunday? What? Why
the objection that you're likely to find
all the good places occupied Post.
Drunk againr' sharply exclaimed
the wife, who had been waiting up
nearly five hours for the absent husband
.'Yes, love-" was the reply; Il have my
usual spirits. Puck.
Says the New York Commercial i'd
Uertiser: "a calf with a double mouth
has Just been mounted by an Indianapo-
lis taxidermist" He must be a sight,
straddling such beast.-Bosto7a Post
A new funny paper in Brooklyn is
called Gas, and already the owners are
beginning to realize what beastly er-
ror they committed in selecting that
name, as no man pays his Gas bill with
out finding fault.-Boston Post.
At prominent theatre a young act
ress was recalled She had been play
ing the title role of Satan Daughter"
and when she reappeared stentorian
voice asked: us the old man here to-
night?"
The last place in the world: Mrs.
Negligence (who has come Ill great haste
to her room for her gloves Jane, my
glovesl Hasten and find them" aside
-"How stupid! She's looking in my
glove-box."
Mamma" said little Gorham boy,
81 gave Carrie pretty good hint to go
home to-day" What did you do, my
son?' said his mother ooh, I filed
her mouth up with mustard and called
it applesauce, and she took the hint
Three Boston editors own whole
railroad in Florida to themselves. And
it is said that they have got so accus-
omed to the habit that they won't even
ride on their own road without a pass.
Perks Sun.
DR. Crosby says ''those who are en-
gagged in amassing colossal fortunes be-
long to the dangerous classes" We do
not care to be referred to in that point
ed way, and the Doctor had better stop
it.-Ie1Gs SJtingS.
81 served in the Tennessee legisla-
ture," said a man to q new train ac-
quaintance. Il served in the Arkansas
legislature replied the acquaintance;
and each man arose and arranged
pocket-fask to keep the neck from be-
ing exposed.
As wee miss was accompanying her
grandma and auntie across the green
yesterday she suddenly stopped. ''What
are you stopping for Pauline?" asked
one of the ladies. Grandma and aun-
tie, must stop to shiver," was the re-
ply of the half-frozen little girl
W0tef00Fy dtGeftCQH.
Il hear that the new steam Yacht At
Atlanta got off the stocks very easily"
said a merchant to a Wall street man
this morning. Yes" sighed the spec
ulator, ''and l wish | could get off mine
with the same facility" Then they
both adjourned to the nearest place and
INDUCED in smiles.
This original composition was pro-
duced by promising youth of Virginia.
The subject was Enterprises" Enter
prise is a good thing Columbus enter
prisod America. ii Columbus hadn't
done it we should be nowhere, for no
body knew anything about America but
the Indians, and they wouldn't tell
An old lady in the country had dandy
from The city to dine with her on GER
tain occasion. For dessert there hap
pened to be an enormous apple pie. LA,
ma ami said he, how do you manage
to handle such pie? Easy enough"
was the reply; s'we make the crust up
in wheelbarrow, wheel it under the
apple-tree, and then shake the fruit
down into it.
Children, what must man do be-
fore he can go to heaven?" asked
teacher in Sunday-school. A good boy
would have known the proper answer
at once and replied that man must be
at least decently honest, a condition
which would exclude nearly every office
holder in this country since the Declara-
ton of Independence, but a little bov,
who was too literal to be satisfactory,
answered: 'He must die, sir"
When two Icelanders meet on the
street, instead of shaking hands they
get down on all-fours and rub noses to-
gether. The other day an Icelander
travelling through this country stopped
for few hours at Pittsburg His first
exclamation was: 1.-The men here must
be very affectionate. Their noses show
that they are rubbed hard fifty times
day."
There's something about your daugh-
ter Mr.. Wanghop said rehectively-
there's something about your daughter
-" yes" said old Mr.. Thistlepod,
''there is; | had noticed it myself 1t
comes every night at o'clock, and it
doesn't get away usually till about II
o'clock. AND some of these evenings l
am going to lift it all the way from the
front parlor to the side gate and see
what there's in it,
Doctor" said fond mother, lean
ing over the bedside of her son who
seemed to be suffering greatly, what
is the matter with him?' The phvsi-
clan examined the sufferer and replied,
Hes sick :" There exclaimed the
woman, Il knew you could tell what
was the matter with him. How FORUM
ate it is that YOU are in the neighbor-
hood" and she looked at the medical
gentleman with an expression that spoke
of restful confidence.-Arka1asa10 TraU-
eler
Mr. MeMurtry, a Boston gentleman,
recently brought home a bottle of ar
senic for use on the rats. To prevent
accidents, says The Transcript he wrote
on the bottle in big letters the word
poison" '.But what good will that
do ~ ocl-aI Moo.