Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1883-12-13
SQUIBS.


young lady and her mirror.
When Waxahachie preacher an
nounced his text he simply said: Hell
what is it"
Ella Wheeler has a new poem, in
which she says: II do not love him in
the old fond way" Perhaps his feet
are cold.
Man wants but little here below, .
wrote Oliver Goldsmith, but Oliver
didn't stop to consider that the man
who is going to build house wants a
lot.
The strange sunsets of the past few
evenings have doubtless been caused
by the efforts of the sun to set himself
by standard time.
The Edmunds anti Mormon bill is
meeting with splendid success.
Seventy new converts from Europe
last week.
A correspondent wants to know if the
new time system will in any way af-
feet the present style Of clocked stock
ings
The navy is to have new uniform,
and the query is whether there will
be enough cloth left in the country
for pair of coat-tails for a police
man.
A Western town recently had a
shower Of snails, and q mean editor
in an adjacent county said he guessed
they'd fixed on the right place to come
to.
An agricultural paper advises its
readers not to eat chickens Immediate
~ after they are Matched. This seems
the height of absurdity to a man who
has always lived in boarding-house
Only three months ago a Vassar
College girl started off to be mis-
sionary in the East, and now comes
along a report that the Khedive of
Egypt has begun chewing American
spruce gum.
A bushel of timothy contains IS,
900, 900 Of seeds. The cOckrOach has
5000 teeth. There are 400, 600 mele-
cules in an ants brain. All this does
not speak we'll for the economy of
Nature.
At the banquet: "Fellow Irishmen
[ am glad to be with you here. Ihope
we shall meet often. Gentlemen,
you may not have suppos ell it, but |
am myself something of an lrishmap.
/ have cork leg"
81 fear my father will not be able
to see as well as he used to, said the
son of defaulting Chinese cashier.
Subsequent investigation showed
that the fathers head had b cen chop
ped off the day previous.
How many parts of speech are
there, Johnny?" ''Well, in our house
there amt none, cause when nanny
gets her speech started it never parts
it Just reaches from sun to sun 'twOut
even crack in it.
''The surest way to take cold, " said
a distinguished physician, lis to hug
the stove" Young men who 60 court
ing on Sunday nights should remem-
Der this, and not spend all their time
hugging the stove.
The christening of an infant arch
duchess of Austria occurred lately.
This fact came by cable. The name
of the royal infant will be sent over by
steamer as soon as the royal secretary
gets 1t copied.
A tailor informed one Of his credi-
tors that if he did not settle his bill
immediately he would commence suit,
but was surprised to receive a postal
card by return mail politely informing
him to look to the settlement of one
suit before commencing another.
A young man who sat upon black
piece of iron in a blacksmith shop and
unceremoniOusly sprang seven feet IL
the air, with a wild shrek of despair
says he don't think much of the hot
springs as health resort.
Thanksgiving always comes before
congress meets, said the youth to his
father. "Why is it," Because, my
son, was the solemn reply, ''it is II
the nature of things; it couldn't come
after"
''Have you decided on your winter
suit?" asked tailor of a sad-eyed gen
tleman lounging in the doorway O
the store. No" was his melancholy
reply, ''but believe my wife has
"Your wife has?" exclaimed the sur
prised haberdasher. Yes, [ believe
she calls it a divorce suit"
Mrs. Svmkins de Harris Ito lady
calleD we know the Hogs?
don't think we do Do we, Maud
Young Symkins de Harris (aged II
years)-Oh, ma, what story Didn't
pa say he owed Mr.. Hogg S., 900, and
he didn't know where in the world il
was to come from? (Tableau)l
Ethel, Z" said the teacher, "whom
do the ancients say supported the
world on his shoulder?" ATLAS, sir. ,
You're quite right" SAID the teach
er. Atlas supported the world,
Now who supported AUlas?" II sup
pose" said Ethel shortly, Il suppose
lie married a rich wife. "
The New York Sun heads local al
ticle, 1.-TWO Views of a Plumbers
Bill" There are a good many reck-
less splenthrifts in New York, but no,
body ever supposed that any one OF
them would want to see a plumbers