The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-10-11
WIT AND HUM0R.
At ten a child; at twenty. wild;
At thirty, tame, il ever;
AT forty. wise; Mt fifty, rich;

tho town owning dogs shall be muz-
zled."
An editor offers a reward of five del !
lars for the best treatise on chow to |
make outdoor life attractive to the |
mosquito"
A cotemperary mentions a case be- |
yond dfthesordinary oculist. 1t is that OF |
young, ladk who, instead of a pupil, |
has n college, student her eyei 1 ss |
An illustration of stinginess is cited
by a. writer, who knows man who
talks through his nose in order to save
the wear and tear of his false teeth
Mr.. John L. Sullivan belongs to the
4, Concord School of Philosophy. At any
rate;s there is peace and concord when
he is around.
An exchange says that chickens can
be bought in Florida for four cents
- piece. 1t doesn't say how big the
pieces are. Ff is.".s -.
A not wholly unobservant young
man in Lowell gave his intended an en-
gIgement ring, on the inside of which
was engraved the legend: In time of
peace prepare for war.
3 Oscar Wilde says the American girls
have good deal of common sense.
And in view of this fact it seems q
mystery how Oscar got near enough to
, find them out.
Boston girls who got lost in the
. woods in the White Mountains the other
day did not cry ''Helpr' but Three
ladies in this direction are in urgent
need of assistance
Old Dr. Samuel johnson knew what
ho was talking about when. in his die
tionary, he put this definition: Net
work-anything recticulated or decus-
sated at equal distances, with inter
stices between the intersection.
My dear Polly, am surprised at
your taste in wearing another woman's
hair on your head,T said Mr. Smith to
his wife. my dearest Joe, am equal
ly astonishcd that you persist in wear
ing another shecp's wooI on your back. "
A train on the Great Northern Rail-
way ran into q COW the other day. 1t
~ didn't hurt the. COW. but it threw the
engine off the line. People accustomed
to tho beefsteak furnished in the restau-
rants express much surprise at the
slight damage done to the train. - - y =
No" said the sad-eyed man.. II
never press young woman to play
upon the piano. / tried, it once tony
sorrow" ''Why, what followedP" asked
4. a half-dozen eager voices. ~ She plays
4 ed" replied the sad-eyed man. 81 shall
never forget the lesson learned that
day" q
Yes, my son, advise all your friends
not to marry money. When you have
succeeded in getting them all married
for love, you can look about you mt
your leisure and then decide upon
what particular girl with money you
will lavish your love.-BoSton Trtt7ss-
script. g-
When Shotwell died the boys dubbed
together to buy him tombstone. They
couldn't agree upon the inscription.
Fogg suggested this: ''1is gun never
missed fire Let us hope that he may
be like his gun" But that was consid-
cred somewhat personal, and was re-
ieeted without division. - Boston
Transcript.
AS to lacing: ''Oh, no." exclaimed q
loosely-girded girl the other day, as
ono of those very slim-waistedj persons
"a married woman) stepped off the pier
into a boat and began to handle the
oars. ''lf she eXerts herself at all L IN
positive she'll snap in two and the, up
per half go overheard. Do look at herp'
Boston 1ralscriTt. -
This isn't menagerie, Sharply OBJ
served an irascible woman to man
who was STRIVING to force.his way through
the crowd ut the door of q coneort
room. "No, | suppose not, returned
the man, ''or they wouldn't leave any
of the animals here TO block up the en-
france" s.l
What to him was love nr hope? Wln,t
10 him was joy or care? He stepped on
a plug of mottled soap the girl had left
on the tOpmost stair, and his feet flew
out like. wild, fierce wings, and he
struck each stair with a sound like a
drum, and the girl below. with ihe
scrubbing things laughed like a fiend to
see him como. 80,
When highwaymen stopped the Sierra
Valley and Truckec stage the other day
one of the tenderfeet passengers took
such fright that all color fed from his
face. As the robber with the pistol
looked into the vehicle and told the pas
sengers TO hand over their valuables,
his eye fell on the pallid physiognomy
of tho scared fellow, and he remarked
sympathetcally I'VE don't want any.
thing from yon. stranger. We never
rob sick folks. :" r
An old Vermont farmer rather took
the census man aback the other day
The census man asked him if he wa:
married. ''No, | beant, ;" was the re
ply. ''Childless, then, suppose" go
ing to make the entry. wal, no--no
exactly" replied tho veteran. II he'
got forty-two on en-" 'GraciOusr
exclaimed the interlocutor. dro pping hi
pencil; Il thought you said you; wasn'
marriedr' wall, amt, was the re
ply, ''but Iuster be-" - ~
.'Strictly business s'Sir," began :
stranger rs he walked directly up TO
business man on South street Yesterday
81 am strictly business. $50 ami.
Good! believe every man should fur
nish money for his own tombstone
$50 do l." Good, again! | want t.
raise $50 to pay for a stone 10 stand a
my grave. What assistance will yo,
render the enterprise? want n busi
. ness answer" ''You shall have it, sir
will aid the enterprise by furnishin!
the corpse" Tho stranger hurried OF
without even mentioning thessprt of ep
itaph he designed having engraved o.
the sacred stone. a, s.a,.
One of tho Kansas postmasterS /
more than pleased with the new otficia
order. He says; When. the wife. of Ii
first or second class postmaster ofliclall.
requests him to beat the carpet, o
weed the onion bed, or whtewash th
back fence, he can draw ont and reat
Postmaster General Gresham s torde
forbidding first or second class post
masters from absenting themselves from
their offices. Then he can go out frQn
the sheltering ROOF of his, tieineile'ah
sorbed in the beautiful Thought tha
there is no cloud without a silver lin
ing" -
Get me an Indian 20 paddleP" aske
lady whose daughters were arein
her into IL canoe. addressing n whit
boatman standing by. ''Yes'm," wa
e the civil response, II Il get you that tai
good-looking one you see over there,
,t.'l don't care about his looks" sal
madam, with cool hauteur; ''What
IL III ., L..