The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-01-31
WIT AND HUM0R.
When you bury animosity, never
mind putting up tombstone.

less useful than the potato-masher at
home, and often is no prettier
There is nothing like molasses
candy-pulling to make young people
candid when giving taify.
A lioness was recently sold at auc-
ton in Louisville for so. At this rate
no family need be without n lioness.
Bow to destiny, One of these days
destiny may be polite enough to return
the compliment,
A soft answer may turn away wrath,
but it is far safer to trust to the legs in
case the other party is real mad
MA" he asked. at dinner, "who was
Charlotte RusseP" oh" said ma,
''she was one of them old queens who
made trouble during the Restoration
A blind pauper implored tramp for
the Gift of pair of old pants. Great
Scottr exclaimed the seedy wanderer,
do as l do; get your drawers dyed"
A Russian proverb says; Before GO
ing to war, pray once; before going to
sea, pray twice; before getting married,
pray three times"
A man writes to an editor for 81 ''be-
cause he is so terribly Short aud gets
in reply the heartless response; DO as
| do; stand up on A chair, '
Don't you tBFnk, Clara, that you
could love me a ltte?' And Clara an
swered, with her most engaging smile:
"Yes, Fred very little"
W. H. Wright, an Alabama man.
quarreed with and shot cousin of the
same name. This Is case where two
Wrights make one wrong.
The operators in mythical mines are
always willing TO let you in; but there
is quite difference between letting YOU
win.
A party advertises for a servant who
must sleep on the premises. An ex.
policeman or private Waterman might
fill the bill.
Let the Monday washing and year.
ling cali spend the night in the same
backyard, and that part of the washing
left outside of the calf will be in good
shape to feed the goat on.
When Pat was sent to the lobster pot
to see if there was anything in it, be said
upon returning: There was no ripe
ones. sorr; there was only Crane ones,
and 80 tossed them sll overheard"
Any newspaper which will try TO
make out that man hates pillow-sham
deserves to lose all its subscribers
Nothing keeps hairoi of the pillow ike
sham with lace border two inches
deep,
Money doesn't make the man. but
you lust bet your bottom dollar that q
man worth S200,000 can dodge all
around the speAngbook, and such wo.
men as Mrs, Laugtry don't think any
the less Of him. $500 Freddy.
VINO said that inventive genius went
uurewarded? a New Hampshire man
who has invented machine to make
cloves out of Eastwood has been offered
$4,000 for his patent The cloves are
solo to hotels by the bushel.
Student wants to know what kind
of bird was the dodo From the fact
that the species is entirely extinct, we
suppose it was the tabled spring chick
en-, Of which we still hear 80 often and
see so never
An Iowa juror stated in open court
that o man had sought to bride him with
half dollar, and the Judge gave him
credit for his great firmness in holding
out against temptation There is no
telling what might have happened had
rs cents been offered.
The editor of Dublin newspaper ha
framed and hung in his Office a uniqu,
memorial of reporters forethought
1t is telegram which he received
few weeks ago and ii reads; Pleas,
keep column open for dastardly outrag
to be committed at II o clock tonight.
Does your Helen remind you 0
Helen OF Troy?' she asked sweetly. a
the sofa springs fiattcned under pres
sure Of one hundred and sixty pounds
mo, not precisely; you remind IN
more of llolen of Avoirdupois, " was hi
scaly reply
Vanity Fair tells story Of how An
thony Trollope once heard two move
reading youths in wayside inn discus,
ing one Of his eternal" characters. H
arose, acknowledged himself 70 be tn
author and promised TO 20 home an
kill the character IN the following IN
stallmeut she died Of apoplexy,
Mark Twain failed to answer lette
written to him by Sergeant Ballentint
After waiting reasonable time the la
, ter was so eEasperated nj not receivin
en- answer that be mailed Twain shet
!. of paper and postage stamp rs ger
tie reminder. Mr.. Clemens wrote bac
: on postal; Paper and stamp iyceivec
please send an envelope"
In n town not many miles from Bo,
ton man stepped into neighbor'
house where he saw the head Of Tn
family lying upon his back on the Aoc
:, and his vile standing over him, rs h
thought, with threatening air Il
was about TO withdraw, when the pro
:. trate man shouted; "Come along II
! Steve; she is only chalking me out
pair OF pants v
= The New York Sun has sensib
60 subscriber, who wishes the paper a ha
a, py New Year, and writes There ca
:" be no question that the Sun is editC
10 with higher order OF judgment tbs
j. | I 4. a. q.