The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1883-06-06
THE BADBOY ALL BROKE UP.
BADLY WRECKED BY FooLrNG WITH
AN OLD PAGER.

He Drives Minister to n Fnneral--The Rec
suit OfSayiug "Ye-up" to n Former ''BOss
of the Road"
"Well, what's the matter with you,
nowP" said the grocery man to the
bad boy, as he came in TO the grocery
on crutches, with one arm in a sling,
one eye blackened, and strip of court
plaster across one side of his face.
"Where was the explosion, or have
you been in hght?"
ooh, there's not much the matter
with me-" said the boy, in voice that
sounded all broke up, as he took a big
apple off basket, and began peeling
it with his upper front teeth. "If you
think am wreck you ought to see
the minister. They had to carry him
homein instaDments, the way they buy
sewing machines. l am all right, but
they have got to stop him up with
oakum and tar before he will ever hold
water again"
GOOD gracious, you have not had a
fight with the minister, have you?
Well, have said all the time, and
stick to it, that you would commit a
crime yet, and go to State prison. What
was the fuss aboutP" and the grocery
man laid the hatchet out of the boys
reach for fear he would get excited and
kill him.
"Oh, it was no fuss. 1t was in the
way of business. You see the livery
man that was working for promoted
me. He let me drive horse to haul
Sawdust for bedding, first, and when
he found was real careful he let me
drive an express wagon to haul
trunks. Day before yesterday there
was a funeral, and our stable fur
nished the outfit. 1t was only COM
mon eleven-dollar funeral, so they let
me go to drive the horse for the min
ister-you know, the buggy that goes
ahead of the hearse. They gave me
an old horse that is thirty years old,
that has not been off a walk since nine
years ago, and they told me to give
him loose rein, ana he would GO
along all right. It's the same old
horse that used to pace SO fast on the
avenue, years ago, but ] didn't know
it. Well, want to blame. 1 just
let him walk along as though he was
hauling sawdust, and gave him g
loose rein. When we got off of the
pavement the fellow that drives tht
hearse, he was in a hurry, cause hi!
folks was going to have ducks for din
ner, and he wanted to get back, so he
kept driving alongside of my buggy
telling me to hurry up. l wouldn'
do it, cause the livery man told me tC
walk the horse. Then the minister
he got nervous, and said he didn'
know as there was any use Of going 81
slow, because he wanted to get bacl
in time to get his lunch and go to
: ministers meeting in the afternoon
but told him we would all get in tn
cemetery soon enough if we took i
COOL and as for me L wasn't il
no sweat. Then one of the driver
that was driving the mourners
he came up and said he had to ge
back in time to run a wedding dowl
to the l o'clock train, and for me t
pull out little. / have seen enough
of disobeying orders, and told him
funeral in the hand was worth tw
weddings in the bush, and as far as
was concerned, the funeral was goin
to be conducted in decorus manner
if we didn't get back till the next day
Well, the minister said in his regula
Sunday-school way, My little mar
let me take hold Of the lines and lik
blame fool l gave them to hin
He slapped the old horse on the cruz
per with the lines and then jerked uI
and the old horse stuck up his off Cal
and then the hearse-driver told tn
minister to pull hard and saw on tn
bit a little and the old horse woul
wake up. The hearse-driYer used t
drive the old PAGER on the track, ant
he knew what he wanted. Th
minister took off his black kid glove
and put his umbrella down betwee
us and pulled his hat down over hi
head and began to pull and saw on tn
bit. The old cripple began to NOV
along sort of sideways, like no
going to war, and the minister pulle
some more, and the hearse driver, VIII
was right behind, he said so you coul
hear him clear to Waukesha, Ye cup
and the old horse kept going fastel
then the minister thought the proce!
sion was getting too quick, an
he pulled harder, and yelle
whoa and that made TIN
old horse worse, and looked throug
the little window in the buggy top be
hind, and the hearse was about tw
blocks behind, and the driver wa
laughing, and the minister he got pal
and said, My little man, l guess yo
better drive and said, Not mucl
Mary Ann; you wouldn't let me ru
this funeral the way / wanted 20. an
now you can boss it, if you will lC
me get out but there was a street ca
ahead and all Of a sudden there was IA
earthquake, and when l come to ther
were about six hundred people poul
ing water down my neck, and til
hearse was hitched to the fence, an
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