The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-09-07

WHOLE NO. 739
WHY WE LAUGH.
Sporsing circles--sparring ngs.-Burlins
ton Free Press.

Sporting circles--sparrlng rings.-Bwling-
ton Free Press.
A barrel Of money makes hog set in So
clety.-Ne,c Orleans Picdytne.
It Is now the fashionable thing for gen.
tlemen on the scaffold to request the sheriff
not to make an ass Of himself.
A cent word Is the rate talked of for the
Postal Telegraph Company. At that rate
one may send quite sentence for ten
sence.
When Hamlet said: eBut / have that
within which passeth show" 1t Is believed
that he had In his pocket complimentary
ticket for the circus.--Lue.
The liars must co. Troy Times. Goodby.
Rochester Union. Wouldn't 1t be more
sociable If you two gentlemen should 60
together. Boston Globe.
Rather says the cures effected by laying
on of hands Is an old story with him. His
mother often INDUCED in the past-time in
times past.--Boston Courier.
The reason why the lightning does not
strike twice in the same place is because
nothing of the place Is left to strike after the
| first round.--Ne,o Orleans Picayune.
4 wager made In Syracuse, n. Y, the 9TH
er day, proved that nine out Of every ten
men lean on the bar when they order drinks.
The tenth man generally leans against Q
lamp post when be gets outside.-Philadel-
phia ChroRicle-H Herald.
"Forever and forever farewell, Cassius.
II we do meet again, why we shall smile,"
said Brutus, and how pleasant it is to con-
fap nj afa hat lgon nf uni M
tom stale" this delightful habit of "smiling"
whom friends meet.--Life.
"My case is Just here" said citizen to q
lawyer. "The plaintiff will swear that hit
him. will swear that did not. Now what
can you lawyers make ont Of that If we 60
to trial?" ga hundred dollars, easy" was
the reply.-Bench and Bar.
Why old maids are preferable: "I'm glad
Billy had the sense to marry settled old
mad, said Grandma Winkum, at the we'd
ding. "Gals Is hity-tity, and widders Is
kinder overrulin' and upseltin'. Old maids
is kinder thankful and willin' TO please"
"Conneaut Lake," writes an enthusiastic
summer idler, sis Q charming place. It Is
always refreshing and Is kept up by springs
from the bottom" There's no romance In
that The same can be said of dentists
chair, and no one thinks 1t Is charming or
refreshing place.-Pittsb,ugh Telegraph.
OLD SUPERSTITION ABOUT sNEEzING.
Sneeze on Monday,
Sneeze for danger;
sneeze on Tuesday,
KISS stranger:
Sneeze on Wednesday,
Receive letter;
Sneeze on Thursday.
Something better:
Sneeze on Friday,
Expect sorrow;
Sneezs on Saturday,
10y TO morrow.
The Postoffice Department recently sent a
notice 10 woman i'm Ohio informing her
that Q letter addressed 10 her was held on
account nr insufficient postage. ;shs didn't
l-' her curiosity ret the better of her and
send The required stamp. Bat, instead, she
seht - mUte, and this Is what il said: when
pumpkins are ripe l will send you one that
has more brains than ever had the man who
made this ruling on postage"
sis the man mad?' mo, the man is not
mad" Then what makes him yell SOP"
"He is talking to u man Il mile away"
Through that little instrument ?" Yes,
through that instrument of torture called a
telephone" "Will he make the man mile
away hear Q" "Cerainly he will but he
could do IL Just as easily by yelling out of a
window" '.Why9 Does not the telephone
work." mo II does not work. The man
using the telephone works. Jot that down
IN your men,"