South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-07-20

Il lac morning the laDtiDtt tDads ont
The amount of damages snd presented
i, 10 Pat. After he hal glanced It over,
tue latter looked the iandiort. in the
face and exclaimed, You put me in
mind Of snire.' 'Whys asked the
landlord. 'Gecaus ye're pretty nigh
all hill
Dir. Jones aud Mr. Jackson sat be.
sido each other at the boarding house
table. aud Jones was always poking fun
NJ Jackson. Ono day Jackson could
stand il N, longer, and Bald:
1t is unfortunate that am sitting by
tho side Of fool
We'll, yes,' replied Jones, pleasantly.
Il. Is rather unfortunate for man to bc
beside himself. You bad better GO and
have your mental condition examined
by q physician before it is too late
AT the Terrace baths recently an i'm
patient mau walked up to the door of
one Of the compartments and, knocking
on the same, testily inquired: Whom in
blazes are you going 10 get those trou.
sers Onr There was q faint giggle
and silvery voice ropli d: When !
get marriott, suppose He had mis-
takon the door that's all.
A LITTLE fellow, some four or five
years old, aud who had never seen
negro. was greatly perpiexed ono day
when one came b. whero ho and his fa.
thcr were. The youngster eyed the
stranger suspiciously till he had passed.
and then asked his father.
Pa, who painted that man all black
sel'
God dill. my son. replied the father.
WELL said the littlo one, still look
ing after tile negro. Il shouldn't have
thought he'd have neld STILL
THn late Mayo Watkins, of Virgin
ia. was somewhat noted for his quaint
Nit On one occasion pompous young
than, with very high notions of his own
Importance, consulted him in regard to
choosing vocation for life. lie said {:
MIR. Watkins, as you have been a very
successful man, am sure you are ca
pablo of giving excellent advice IT, q
young man JUS; starting in life. What
business would you advise me to en-
gage IMP
'Shocmaking,' was tho sententious re-
ply.
The young nan gael at him in blank
abatement for several seconds, but see.
ing that he Vas apparently in deep ear {.
meet, lie inquired his reason for recon-
meDding such humble occupation.
Withotit cracking smilo Mr.. Watkins
replied: 'Sboemaking is a good tusi-
ness, q very good business, and it will
always remain good business as lorg
as bibles are born bare. footed
Pers' Magazine.
Out Of tho mouths OF babes :
Edith-'Have you written oil the in
vitations 10 nay party. mammal Nam
ms-'Yes. Edith Eiith-'But the bes!
part will be when the receptions and
receptions begin to como 10. won't it,
tnamma?'
Sunday-scbool teacher TO the one
bright boy in the class)- Jimmy, how
aid Elijah die: : 2. B.-Ue didn't die !
he was translated from the oigiual
hebrew
A tramp, when refused food at a
house tao other day, sadly asked !:
'Missus, will you give me piece Of
]ooking-glass, go that l can see myself
starve 30 death?'
Say, Mrs Bonson. said little
gil. TO lady visitor, do you belong
ID brass bandP' NO. my dear. &
shohgbt you did, why did you, my
thildr Because mamma said YOU
was always blowing your own horn
Chicago Times.
Somebody put small mud turtle,
about the size of silver dollar. in q
bed ri q New Jersey hotel, and the
manager who was assigned to that Dom,
on preparing TO retire, caught sight or
Il. Ho at once resumed his clothes
remsrkirg Il expected TO have pretty
hvoly night OF II, but II They're as big
as that, don't propose 10 get in with
en-
COULD NOT IDENTIFY HM.-You
have the advantage Of nae said the
cashier, blandly. You will have To get
some one 10 identify YOU Identify
rneS Why, / ON your son, Just back
from college for the GUNNER vacation
May be, may be- answered tho cashier.
but ny con did not look like q fool.
wear q eockney hat, monkey tail coat.