San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1883-01-04

aha grocery nian W 'no '"' W. NO VIC
,b was firing frozen potatoes at the
~, who collects garbage in the alley,
90 they are searching for sewer gas
-, such things, and they have got
A ,.,hsrs and other society experts till
n can't rest, and came away for fear
~ w would find the sewer gas and warm
Ino' Jacket. Say, do you think it is
my when anything smells aw!ully, to
iisays lay it to boys"
h"@Wall In nine cases out of ten they
lid hit il right, but what do you
, SG is the trouble over to your house,
OsS-h-h! Now don't breath word
- Il to living soul, or am dead
~ You see 1 was over at the fair at
~. exposition building Saturday night,
and when they we're breaking up, me
and nv chum helped to carry boxes of
shssse and frkins of butter, and a
oheese man gave each of us piece of
I;mburger cheese, wrapped up in tin
foil Sunday morning l opened my
mace and it made me tired. o, it was
he awfulest smell I ever heard of, ex-
amt the smell when they found a tramp
who hing himself in the woods on the
Wbitetish Bay road, and had been dead
three weeks. It was just like an old
hack number funeral. Pa and ma were
inst getting ready to 60 to church, and
cut off a piece Of cheese and put it
in the inside pocket of pas vest, and 1
mt another in the lining of mas muff,
and they went to church. went down
10 church too, and sat on back seat
with my chum, looking just as pious as
though was taking up a collection.
The church was pretty warm, and by
the time they got up to sing the first
hymn pas cheese began to smell a
match against mas cheese. Pa held
one side of the hymn book and ma held
the other, and pa he always sings for
all that is out, and when he braced him
self and sang "Just as am" ma thought
mas voice was tinctured with bilious
ness and she looked at him and hunched
bim and told him to stop singing and
breathe through his nose, cause his
breath was enough to stop clock. Pa
stopped singing and turned around
kind of cross towards me, and then he
smelled mas cheese, and he turned his
head the other way and said 'whew,'
and they didn't sing any more, but they
looked at each other as though they
smelled IRONY. When they sat down
they sat as far apart as they could get,
and Pa sat next to woman who used to
be nurse in hospital, and when she
smelled pas cheese she looked as
though she thought he had the small
pox and she held her handkerchief to
her nose. The man in the other end
of the pew, that ma sat near, he was
stranger from Racine. who belongs to
our church, and he looked at ma sort of
queer, and after the minister prayed,
and they got up to sing again, the man
took his hat and went out, and when he
went by me he said something in
whisper about a female glue factory.
Well, sir, before the sermon was over
everybody in that part of the church
had their handkerchiefs to their noses,
and they looked at pa and ma scandal
GUS, and the two ushers they come
around in the pews looking for dog,
and when the minister got over his SER
mon, and wiped the perspiration off his
face, he said he would Like to have the
trustees of the church stay after meet
ing, as there was business of import
ance to transact. He said the question
of proper ventilation and sewerage for
the church would be brought up, and
that he presumed the congregation had
noticed this morning that the church
was unusually full of sewer gas. He
said he had spoken of the matter be-
fore, and expected it would be attended
to before this. He said he was meek
and humble follower of the Lamb, and
was willing 40 cast his lot wherever the
Master decided, but he would be blessed
If he would preach any longer in
church that smelled like bone boiling
establishment He said religion was a
good thing, but no person could enjoy
religion as well in fat rending estab-
lishment as he could in flower gar
den, and as far as he was concerned, he
had got enough. Everybody looked at
everybody else, and pa looked at ma as
though he knew where the saver gas
came from, and ma looked at pa real
mad, and me and my chum Lit out, and
went home and distributed my cheese
all around. put slice in mas bureau
drawer, down under her underclothes,
and piece in the spare room, under
the bed, and piece in the bath room,
in the soap dish, and slice in the al
bum on the parlor table, and a piece In
the library in book, and I went to the
dining room and put some under the
table, and dropped piece under the
range in the kitchen. I tell you the
house was loaded for bear. Ma came
home from church first, and when 1
asked where pa was, she said she hoped
nc had gone to walk around a block to
air hisself. Pa came home to dinner,