Connecticut western news., 1883-03-07
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
A Few Clippings from them this Weel
A BOYS ESSAY.

A BOYS ESSAY.
 The following is from the essay of a bright Boston school boy:
 ''Let us paltse, this step once taken cannot be retraced." Why do not the men that lead public life say this familiar saying in connection with the woman suffrage question? If woman suffrage is now granted, how can it ever be taken back? Some one says, why should it ever be given up? These are the reasons: l. All women do not know how to vote, and the lower classes can be easily bribed, so that they will take bribe to vote for certain person, and yet on bigger bribe will vote for some one else. 2. The more enthusias- tic suffragists would want in time to be themselves women Governors, Presi- dents and officials. Are they equal to it? 3. It would in time ruin the coun- try, and then you would want to abolish it. Woman Suffragist, I am boy and represent great class of boys. What that class wants is that our children's s children's children to Doom's day chil- dren do not want the United States ruined by you. We wish to live in the republic in which we were born.
 A CHINESE DINNER.
 I found in Mulberry street, says a New York correspondent, the well-known cheap Chinese restaurant kept by the solemn, jovial Oriental whose name is Fun None. "Chinese dinner, seven cents" was the sign outside. "I'll eat it if it kills me-" thought I, and went in.
 cone dinner" I said.
 "Yip-alle light" F. M. answered.
 surreptitiously smelt of the butter. It seemed good. I tasted it. It was good. He brought a generous plate of roast beef, hot and reeking. Good enough" I thought, and tackled it. He brought on dish of beans-good beans. He brought coffee-prime Java. He brought boiled potatoes. Beautiful, " I thought. J slyly whistled in my nap- kin. I dispatched them. He brought me small piece of pie and cheese; I hadn't expected that, really. I immedi- ately entertained them. "S-e-v-e-n cents, I kept saying to myself. "Why need people go hungry?"
 "How muchee ?" I asked, gracefully falling into the Chinese language.
 "Forty- eight cents.
 "Forty- weight cents Great Scott You said seven cents.'
 s'That'le for Chinaman. No goodee. Melican hungly. No muchee for seven cents.
 WHEN GABRIEL SOUNDS HIS TRUMPET. When de las days counts made out, En Ole Gab'el makes his shout,
 Dere's er-ringin' an er-singin' trough de trum | pet in his han,
 Will yer step up ter de line, | Chile, ter find out whar yer gwine, Widout shakin', widout quakin' like CT solit l little man?
 Will yer trimble in de knees,
 En feel wusser by degrees,
 Heart er-sinkin', eyes er-blinkin' in CT qu-u-ril sort CT way?
 Will yer try ter break en run, | En hab trouble for yer fun, Ack'in' foolish, kickin' mulish, on de awful | Judgment Day?
 | An, de dibbirs mighty quick, He is soople en he's slick,
 Full CT fire keen ez brier, and he's all time or l de watch,
 But de Lawd is good en true, honey
 En he will help yer trough, Elf yerll talk up, man, and walk up for de lin,
 entoe de notch. -Teras Sif1ings l THE NEW MEMBER.
 A Washington correspondent tells thil story of real life in that city. A nev member of the House went to the oper, arrayed in pair of No. 9 white kit gloves. He bought ibretto, which h. spread out on his knees, and followed the singers with laborious pains. A the end of the first act he was perfectl delighted.
 s'If them fddles would just stop scrap ing and let Patti sing straight along he explained in 8 loud whisper to tn deaf Senator who sat next to him. "Bu every time she gets fair start that ther old man with the stick waves it roun and round and looks at her so fierce thu believe she's afraid to keep on. Blu Lord wouldn't she be grand in son of them French song-and-dance operas 5 She ain't got field for her powers
 this here 'Semiramide. See here
 pointing to the programme, "she's M
 dame Patti. Now, where is MT. Patti, wonder ?"
 "Stays at home and takes care of u u children, I suppose" growled de U Senator, deep in his own hbretto.
 HE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. f. "Are we on down grade ?" asked n impetuous passenger, gazing first at t IF conductor and then earnestly out of t If window. "No, sir, replied the condu |, tor, coldly. ''This is a perfectly le'
 track. There are no grades on u e road" "That's curious" mumbled is passenger, opening the window and stit if ing his head out. elf anything" co ,e tinued the coductor, exasperated by , mans conduct, eff anything, we are {
 ing at slight incline" "That's wc 10 derful P exclaimed the passenger. n thought it was remarkable if we were
 down grade, but under the circu ,, stances it's miraculous p "What is 70 erowled the conductor. "What are y TO talking about, anyhow?" "I siml
 can't understand how that COW sho,
 beat us going up hill, that's all," sigh