Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-04-21

down over his teeth, and was covered with
something that looked ike shoemaker's
wax. "YOu look as though you had been
digging potatoes with your nose"
so, that's some of pas darn smartness.
] asked him ii lie knew anything that
would make a boys moustache grow, and
he told me the best thing he ever tried was
tar, and for me TO rub it on thick before
going to bed, ard wash it of in the morn
ing. put it OH last night, an by gosh |
can't wash it off. Pa told me that all had
to TO was 10 use a securing brick, and it
would come OIL, and used the brick, and
ii took the skin off, and the tar is there yet,
and gay, does my lip look very bsd?''
The grocery man told him it was the
worst looking lip ever he saw, but he
could cure it by rubbing little cayenne
pepper in the tar. He said the tar would
neutralize the pepper, and the pepper
would loosen the tar, and act as Il cooling
lotion to the lacerated lip. The boy went
to can of pepper behind the counter, and
stuck his finger in and rubbed lot of it
OH his lip, and then his hair began to raise,
and he began to cry, and rushed to the
WATERFALL and ran his face into the water
TO wash off the pepper. The grocery man
laughed, and when the boy had got the
pepper washed off, and had resumed his
rutabaga, he said:
That seals your fate. No man ever
triiles with the feelings of the bold bucca-
iI;cr Of the Spanish main, without living
10 rue it, will lay for you, old man, and
uon't you forget it. Pa thought he was
sniart when he got me 10 puttar on my lip
10 bring my moustache out, and TO day he
lays OH a bed of pain in great agony, and
tomorrow your turn will come. Yorwill
regret that you did not get down on your
knee. and beg my pardon. You will be
sorry that you did not prescribe cold cream
for my bruised lip, instead of cayenne
pepper. Beware, you base twelve ounce
10 the pound huckster, you gimlet-eyed
seller of dog sausage, you sanded sugar
idiot, you small potato three card monte
sloigbt of hand rotten egg fiend, you viii
liam that sells smoked sturgeon and dog
fish for smoked halibut. The avenger is
on your trace"
"Look here, young man, don't you
threaten me, or l will take you by the ear
and walk you through green fields, and
beside still waters, to the front door, and
kick your pistol pocket clear around SO
that you can wear it for watch pocket in
your vest. No boy can scare mo, by
crimus But tell me, how did you get
ovea with your PAP"
well, give NE glass OF cider and We
will be friends, and 1 will tell you.
Thanks, Gosh but that cider is made out
Of moldy dried apples and sewer WATER"
aud lie took handful of layer raisins off
the top of a box to take the taste out Of
his mouth, and while the grocer charged
peck OF rutabagas, gallon of cider and
two pounds Of raisins to the boys pa, he
asked:
"What ails your pas teeth? The hired
girl Was over here to get some cornmeal
for Cruel, and she said your pa was gum
ming it since he los. his teeth"
80, about the teeth. That was too
bad. You see, my chum has got q dog
that Is old, and his teeth have all come
out In front, and this morning borried
pas teeth before he got up, to see il we
couldn't fix them in the dogs mouth, so
he could eat better. Pa says it is All owl
dence OF kind heart for 4 boy to be good
to dumb animals, but it's darn mean dog
that will go back on friend. We tied
the teeth in the dogs mouth with string
that went around his upper jaw, and an
other around his under jaw, and you'd
dide 10 see how funny he looked when he
laffed. lie looked just like pa when he
tries TO smile SO rs to get me to come up
TO him so he can lick me. The dog paved
his mouth spell to get the teeth out, and
then we gave him a bone with some meat
on, and he began to gnaw the bone, ard
the teeth come off the plate, and he thought
il WAS pieces Of the bone, and he swal-
lowed the teeth. My chum noticed it
first, and lie SAID We had got to get in our
work pretty quick to save the plates, and
think We were in luck to save them. l
held tho dog, aud my chuni, who was bet
ter acquainted with him, united the
string. and got the gold plates out, but
there were only two teeth left, and the
dog was happy. He woggled his tail for
more teeth, but We hadn't any more. 1
am going to give him mas teeth some
day. Ny chum says when a dog gets an
appetite for anything you have got to
keep giving it to him, or he goes back on
you. But think my cham played dirt
OH me. We sold the gold plates to a jew
elry man, and my chum kept the money.
/ think, AS long rs I furnished the goods,
he ought to have given me something be-
sides the experience, don't you? After
this don't have any more partners. you
bet" All this time the boy was marking
on a piece of paper, and soon after he
went out the grocery man noticed crowd
outside, and going out he found a sign
hanging up which read, "Wormy Figs
for Parties"
4 good story is told of fashionable
lady in Washington, the wife of promi-
nent army officer. She met naval officer
at a reception the other evening and asked
after his wife.
"She is dead, madam" responded the
Commodore.
The madam turned of her blunder as
soon and as smoothly as possible, but bit
b.r lii, I'm cha grin The newt evenipp ahe