davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Press., 1883-05-03

ORIGIN OF NAMES. young oil citizen calls his sweetheart Revenge, because she is sweet.-Oil CSty Derrick. And the young man married on South Hill calls his mother-in-law Delay, because she is dan- gerous. Burlington Haa0keye. And & South End man calls his wife Fact, because she is a stubborn thing. Globe. And fourth wife of a district attorney calls him Necessity, because he knows no law.-NeaO Orleans Tunes. And a Gin cinnati man names his coachman Procrasti- nation, because he stole his watch Breakfast Iable. And we called beau tiful schoolm am that we used to go to Ex- pefience, because she was dear teacher.- Eli Perkins. A ..Yonkers man calls his wife Frailty, because Shakespeare says 'sFrailty, thy name is woman. "- Yo,.kers Gazette. Eli Perkins calls his wife Hon. esty, because he says it is the best policy. -M y. Herald. A New Haven man calls his wife Duty, for ''Duty Calls" Another man here calls his wife Stranger, for she 'stook him in. ."-South6ridge Journal. The wife of Massachusetts editor calls him Beauty, because he isn't deep.
The Press., 1883-05-03
Volume 26. Number 4.

ssDid you ever hear about John Osborn and his setter pups ?"
 ''John Osborn ran for sheriff ill St. Paul, Minn., and while he was working all the boys with his good nature he had frequent calls, and whenever man with a fancy for field sports came, the talk always fell upon 8 beautiful setter and her fine pup pies.
 "sNice puppies, John.'
 "'Yes, bully puppies, ain't they
 "'They are the most beautiful setter pups I ever saw anywhnre.
 ''Then the candidate for sheriff would take the man aside, and, ill confidential tone, tell him:
 "sYou just wait till after election and I'll give you one of those pups
 ''This thing had been going on for couple of weeks, and one evening 8 man shut the door and left the house with the promise of pup lingering in his ear, when Mrs. Osborn asked:
 "'John, how many puppies are there ?
 Five. Why?
 ''Well, I was thinking that tonight you had promised the twenty third man that he should have one of them
 "'Oh, well, Mary said Osborn, don't you think it would be mean man to run for sheriff who wouldn't promise pup to his friend ?'''
The Press., 1883-05-03
The following letters tell their
 own story:
vALDosTA, GEORGIA, July 20,

VALDosTA, GEORGIA, July 20, 1882.
 'I sold one of your Patent Dust Proof Cases about ten months ago. and the other day it came back to me with the request to make it wind easier On exami- nation found that the stem rusty, and inquired
 into the cause of it. The gentleman stated to that he was starting some sawlogs that had lodged in the bend of the river, when his chain caught in bush and threw his watch into about twelve feet of water and he about two hours finding it. When he got it out it running, and he thought all right. In about three months he found that the stem was hard to turn and sent it to me.
 can say that the watch is all that the company claims for it, and recommend it to all railroad and mill men,, B. W. BENTLEY.''
The Press., 1883-05-03

MOTHERS DoN'T KNow.-How many chil- dren are punished for being uncouth, wilful, and indifferent to instructions or rewards, simply because they are out of health! An intelligent lady said of child of this kind {: Mothers should know that if they would give the little ones moderate doses of Hop Bitters for two or three weeks, tue clrildren would be all parent cJusd desFrd."
The Press., 1883-05-03
C. P. HoDcsoN, Agent. MONUMENTAL WORKS of J.H. COOK & CO.,,
 Springfield, Mass.

M on um entS. Tablets and every description otCemeGery Work. Importers of Scotch
 and English GrRnttes. Manufacturers and dealersi in allvarietiee of Polished and UmpOlished American and Foreign
 asrsamites.@ Italian and American
 Marble. Work sent to any part of the country
 Orders by mail promptly attended to. Designs and estimates furnished on application.
 We desire to express our thanksfor thelibera patronage which we have received, and would re- spectfully solicit con tinuanGeSUf thH sRmeywhich We shall heseRves
The Press., 1883-05-03
THE NEW PATENT
 
 DUST.PROOF STEM WINDING OPEN FACE CASE
 MANUFACTURED BY THE . American Watch Co.,, WALTHAM, MASS.
wALTHAM, MASS.

This is formed in solid piece without joint seam, opening in FRONT ONLY, thus avoiding the usual oAP and securing greater strength and dura- bility.
 These Watches are all OPEN FACE. The bezel, into which extra strong crystal is fitted with especial ly prepared waterproof cement, is attached to the case by screw1ng it thereon and thus forms air tight junction with the body of the case, which is proof against dust and moisture.
 To railroad men, travellers, miners, lumber-men and others who are almost constantly exposed and who have to make frequent reference to the watch, these qualities Of the utmost importance.
The Press., 1883-05-03

CoNsUnPTIgE CoUaHs of years standing, with all the premonitory symptoms of that dreaded disease, have been broken up and entirely cured by the continued use of Amer ican Cough Drops. It is a simple home recipe that has proved it's worth for many years and like many similar remedies is far ahead of all the sspuffed up patent medicines.
 These drops areslquid.
The Press., 1883-05-03
CLINTON, Iowa. April ee, 1881.

CLINTON, Iowa, April 29, 1881. '1 wish you would send me spring for the Wm. Elery Watch. By the way this Ellery is a watch sold in your Screw Bezel Case to farmer last fa The first of January he lost the watch in he weods and found it this week in about one foot of water. It had lain three months and in and water, with but slight injury to the watch-only hair-spring. c. s. RAYMOND.' The above were very severe tests and demonstrate beyond doubt that for any reasonable length of time during which watch might be under water it would receive no injury whatever.
 We make these in both gold and silver, and as Perfectly Dust-PrDOf stem Wind. ing Watch Case, Challenge the World to PrOdu uce It's Equal.
 FOR SALE BY ALL FlRSC-CLASS JEWELLERS.
 12apam
The Press., 1883-05-03

sWH1sKEY IN BOND" ."-Attached to ev- cry distillery is warehouse of which the government, through 8 United States storekeeper, takes exclusive charge. On every door is a patent ''government lock, :" and the storekeeper keeps the keys. At the end of the warehouse, nearest the dis tllery proper, is partitioned off the ''cis- tern room" that contains tanks, into which the whiskey runs direct from the still. From these tanks it is drawn off into bar rels in the presence of the storekeeper and the United States Gauger. The barrels so filled are rolled into the other portion of the warehouse, and warehouse stamp" bearing the date of the distillaton, is af- fixed to each. The whiskey thus barreled can, under the revenue laws, remain in this warehouse under government lock and key for three years. Then the whis- key is said to be 'sin bond.' At the ex- piration of the three years the tax of nine ty cents per gallon must be paid on the original quantity of whiskey in the bar rels, as shown by the gauge when it was barreled, less two and a half gallons per barrel per annum allowed for evaporation and shrinkage. Then a tax-paid stamp is put on each barrel, and brand, with the name of the distiller, the number of the district, and the date of the payment of the tax, is burned in the head. Now, the distiller, for the first time, can do as he pleases with his whiskey, and it is said to be s'taken out of bond. "-C Cincinnati Cona- 22erciUL
The Press., 1883-05-03

A plucky job-dressing fowls.
 CHOICE EXTRACTS FROM DRUGGISTS. eve know the value of malt, hops, quinine bark and asparagus composing Malt Bitters" Best kidney medicine on our shelves" "Our lady customers highly praise them, 'sPhysicians prescribe them in thls town. "The largest bottle and best medicine.
 "Our best people take Malt Btters.'"
 "Sure cure for chills and liver diseases" st The crown of merit is universally accorded to Potaska, the incomparable remedy for all maladies of the throat, sudden colds, etc.
The Press., 1883-05-03

***"Old birds are not caught with chaff. .'' Therefore seek and. find the pure golden grains of health in Kidney-Wort. Women, young or old, married or single, if out of health, will be greatly benefited by taking KfdnSyeWort.
The Press., 1883-05-03

: ''No, sir," said the peach dealer to the man who had brought him load of potatoes and proposed to measure them in one of his half bushe1 peach baskets, tsno you don,t.n
The Press., 1883-05-03

Louisville Courier-J Journal Treasurer Gillian retires to the shades of private ife followed by the generations of thou sands. That man should have handled so much money without putting any of it in his own pocket, is sufficient evidence that he is unacquainted with the politics of the country, and that he should never again be trusted with any important office It would have been diSgraceful enough had this fellow Gillian come out even in his accounts with the government, but in his utter incompetency and his miserly disposition to keep in the treasury the money that he might have let loose, he steps down with the government owing him three cents Undoubtedly the soul less would have increased this amount to five cents had he retained his grip on the public funds.
The Press., 1883-05-03

Clergymen, singers, teachers, and all public speakers, attest he4value of Potaska in keep ing the throat healthy and voice clear and
The Press., 1883-05-03

Sick and bilious headache, and all derange- ments of stomach and bowels, cured by Dr. Pierce's s'Pellets"-or dubious granules. 25 cents vial No cheap boxes to allow waste of virtues By druggists.
The Press., 1883-05-03
HOpslsitters are the Rurest and Hes, 5 RiffGrS Ever M n dx4.

HOp!Ksitters are the Purest and Hest \ Ritters Ever Made.
 They are compounded from Hops, Malt, Bnchu, Mandrake and DandeIion, the oldest, best, and most valuable medicines in the world and contain all the best and most cura tive properties of all other remedies, being the greatest Blood Purifier, Liver Regulator, and Life and Health Restoring Agent on earth, No disease or i'll health can possibly long ex-. ist where these Bitters are used, so varied and perfect are their operations.
 They give new life and vigor to the aged and infirm. To all whose employments cause irregularity of the bowels or urinary organs. or who require an ApetiZer. Tonic and mild stimuant, Hop Bitters are invaluable, being highly curative onicland stimulating, without intoxicating.
 No matter what your feelings symptoms are, Don't wait until you sick but if you only feel bad or miserable. use Hop Bittcrs at once. It may your life. Hundreds have been saved by so doing, $500 will be paid for they will cure help
 Do not suffer or let friends suffer, but use and
 Kemembep, CT @ Hop I Blters is no vile drugged drunk made the lInyalid,s Friend and Hope, and no per son or family should beswithout them. Try the Bit CTS to-day.
 Bridgeport, Dec. 18th, 1882.
 HOME TESTIMONY TELLS. An honored son of Connecticut says: TT have used the Amer ican Cough Drops and consider them invalu- as certain eVaton of sudden colds and nip similar complaints. DWIGHT NORRIS Ex.-Sec'y of State.
 MT. A. R. Scofeld of South Norwalk, Gen. Ticket Agent of the Danbury & Norwark R. R. Co.,, says he never had anything work so like charm hard cold as ithe American Cough Drops. He tried them and found them invaluable This famous 'old reable' remedy is made in Middle town in this state and it's home consumption in Mid dletown, whore it has been advertised selling it's merit alone, is something enormous can bet ter testimony be given in it's favor !?
 It is liquid, not eonfection or lozepge. s5 cents bottle at druggists it will pay everyone to buy a bottle to keep in the house in case of emergency.
The Press., 1883-05-03

No female should attempt the toll and
 drudgerys of washday, ,swhen it can be obvi-
 atedsby the use of James Pyle'se unriyalled l Pearlina
The Press., 1883-05-03

Two-TH1RDs OF BOTTLE CUREs.-Dr. R. ". Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y.: Dear Sir-I have been taking your 'Favorite Prescription for ''female weakness" Before I had taken it two days began to feel stronger. I have taken but two-thirds of bottle and believe l am cured Gratefully,
The Press., 1883-05-03

ssLearn to say No and it will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. 2 Ask for Wheat Bitters, if you have kidney troubles, blood troubles or, indeed, any of want Wheat Bitters, and not something said to be just as good. 2,
The Press., 1883-05-03

Coleridge relates a story Alexander, during his march into Africa, came to 8 people dwelling in peaceful huts, who knew neither war nor conquest. Gold be- ing offered him, he refused it, saying that his sole object was to learn the manners and customs of the inhabitants.
 ''Stay with us, said the chief, Gas long as it pleaseth thee" .s.
 During this interview with the African chief two of his subjects brought case be- fore him for judgment. The dispute was this The one had bought piece of ground, which after the purchase, was found to contain treasure, for which he felt himself bound to pay the other re- fused to receive anything, stating that he had sold the ground with what 1t might be found to contain, apparent or conceal ed.
 Said the chief, looking at the one : ''You have son." and to the other, ''You have 8 daughter. Let them be married and the treasure given them as dowry.''
 Alexander was astonished.
 "And what,' said the chief, would have been the decision in your country 9
 "We would have dismissed the parties and seized the treasure for the kings use. ,"
 "And does the sun shine in your coun- try?" said the chief, "does the rain fall there? Are there any cattle there that feed upon the herbs and green grass ?"
 Certainly" said Alexander.
 ''Ah p said the chief, "it is for the sake of those innocent cattle that the Great Be- ing permits the sun to shine, the rain to fall and the grass to grow in your corn- t1-v y
The Press., 1883-05-03

Boston Post No wonder, J said the doc tor, the child is sick all the time. It has both it's grandmothers and grandfathers and Q candy store all in the same block. :.
The Press., 1883-05-03
A nlncky iob-dressing fowls.

. Eg-Hoods, scarfs, ribbons and any fancy articles can be made any color wanted with the Diamond Dyes. All the popular colors.
The Press., 1883-05-03

Arkansas Traveller q do wish you would come home earlier," said woman to her hus- band. ''I am afraid to stay alone. l always imagine that there's somebody in the house, but when you comessI know there aint.
 The hair of a girl employed5in in an western cotton mill was caught in the machinery torn of her. r.head and ground into bits. But the girl didn't mind it much. She kept right on at her work, simply remarking that it only cost $4, nyhow. This issone of the advantages of art over nature.
The Press., 1883-05-03

NsHE subscriber has on hand fully 100 m
 A it. Oak, Chestnut and Pine Logs most of them full length cut in woods and is prepared to saw to order anything you may need in his line. Seasoned Pine Plank Boards and Shingles for faie. Respect fulayVUnrS Bs W. BROOKSs
The Press., 1883-05-03
BUSINESS DlREcToRY.

YXyM. A. KING, Attorney and Coun-
 w sellor at Law. Room No.6 z, Rockwells Block. r B. RICHARDS, n. D. Office Le at residence corner High-st. and Fisk-ave TT SMITH. Dentist, sWarren's Block. H. Best work at usual prices. Chloroform, Gas and Ether administered for painless extraction of teeth N W. BfsOOKS, Oak, Chestnut, Hem IL. lock and Pine Lumber. sawed to order. shin- gles for sale. Mill three miles from the Springs
 L7 N. CRANE, Manufacturer Of and F sdealer in Harnesses, Robes, Bells, Fancy Lap Robes, Whips Trunks, Fancy Mats, etc.
 W. CHANDLER, Assurance and @ Real Estate Agency, Stafford Springs, with Wm. Smith & Co.,, Notary Public.
 c c. EATON, Attornsyland Counselor D. at Law, ,staffordsprings. Office nNat1B'k Block E PUFFEHs, Custom Boot and Shoe Ls Maker and Repairer. The best of workmen and the best of stock. Central Hall Block, Stafford springs. XXTM. A, COMINS,S Horse and Ox
 w shoeng, Machine Forg1Rga and Repairing done to order Also builder and airer of allstyes of Wagons south-st., Stafford Springs.
 ~ H. HOBBY, Piano Tuner and Deal Oe CT in Pianos and Orgafs9 Residence, East Main-st.. Stafford Springs. "A GENCY of Holland County Mutu- A al Fire Ins. Co. at y ". CHANDELIERS office, with wm Smith $ Co, StfHaora Springs. T S. CLARK, M.
 Rockwell's Block, .sRoom No.7.
 Residence at F, N. Cranc's, East Main-st. Tele- phone at Office and at Residences.
 M R. GRISWOLD, Dentist. 268 lYle Main-st., Hartford, Conn, visits Stafford Springs every three months. :.
 Notice given before each visit ID sfhe Press.
 Artificial teeth. $5 the best, $10
The Press., 1883-05-03

If you have headache, ear or toothache, neuralgia or rheumatism, use Crosby's min ute cure, it never fails. Suffer no longer, it is a quick, sure and lasting remedy. All druggists.
The Press., 1883-05-03

WM. A. COMINS. Horse and OK
 w Shoeng, Machine Forg1Rgas and Repairing done to order Also, builder and airer of all styles that Stafford Z
The Press., 1883-05-03

Philadelphia Press MT. Abram s. Hew- cit, the eminent democrat, who advocates ssno tax on raw material, " and who believes in the gradual establishment of free trade in this country, ? is the n-in-law of the late Peter Cooper, and inherits large portion of that gentlemans fortune, q fortune derived mainly from the revenue of iron mills which pros pered under protective system, and which at one time paid Peter Cooper $I5, GOO . day. Its pity, l" says Hewett ssthat we ever had protection" !" Its a pity that the fruits of pro tection ever blessed man capable of such nonsensica1 talk
The Press., 1883-05-03

Tx H. HOBBY, Piana Tuner and Deal
 | Os CT in Pianos and Orgars Residence, East
The Press., 1883-05-03

FOR SALE BY ALL FIRST-CLASS JEWELE
 12apam
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11
THURSDAY, JAN. IL, 1888.
CIVIL SERVICE REFORM.

After altering Pendleton's civil SER
vice bill, both houses of Congress have
passed upon it favorably. 1t is al
faulty measure, and although it will
doubtless be approved by the Presi-
dent, is to be received by the public
more as an effort to appease popular
clamor and retain Office than as an
effective provision for the publication
and economical management of the
departments. This acknowledgement
thus made by the republican party,
that something in the way of reform
ought to be done is rather tardy. 1t
has been entirely in the power of that
party to have done what it has now
done at any time in the past. But it
refused to take the initiative, and the
bill as it has been passed indicates
lack of disposition to do in good faith
what the country demands.
Up to the last election. the republic
can bosses acted as if they were alb
solute masters of government, and
they scarcely yet realize that the peo-
pie and not party are supreme, and
that politicians and especially bosses
have no permanent and intrinsic pow
Ell. Upon any other hypothesis it is
impossible to account for the civil
service bill that has been passed. The
people demanded that those engaged
in assessments and contributors to
keep the stalwart portion of the repub-
lican party in power should be pun
ished; but this bill in the face of that
demand provides that the men who
have been the agents and instruments
in what has been condemned, shall be
more secure than ever in the positions
occupied b ythem. The republican par
ty has placed none but its own men in
the 100 900 offices it has created, and
while seemingly yielding to the inevi-
table, that same party seeks so to in
trench its partisans in position as to
enable them to survive anticipated
democratic victory in 1884. A divi-
ded and defeated party has no right
to take such action. The people of
this country are in earnest in their
demands and will be satisfied with no
such response to them. The action
taken is wholly in the wrong direction.
The nation will never accept scientific
knowledge as a qualification for office.
What is wanted is practical capacity
in connection with integrity and moth
ing short of these will be satisfactory.
If there is anything despicable it is
sham. Let the people see that their
just demands are letter needed.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11
Oelicate Compliment.

He happened to press the foot of
a young lady, who was sitting in front
of him at the Opera House. The
damsel, COMPRISING her brows into
IN awe-inspiring trown, calculated:
You clumsy wretch"
Most men would hove looked fool
ish and apologized, but our hero was
equal to the occasion.
MY dear young lady," he exclaim-
ed, you should have feet large enough
to be seen, and then they wouldn't be
trodden upon"
Her brow relaxed, her eyes spark
led, her lips smiled, and the injury
was forgotten.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11
Eli Perkins on American Bulls.

Punctuation makes a great many
bulls in this country. The other day
1 picked up a newspaper in Wisconsin
full of curious things. 1 inclose a
few specimens
"The procession at Judge Orton's
funeral was very fine and nearly two
miles in length as was the beautiful
prayer of the Rev. DR.. Swing from
Chicago"
Another:
"a cow was struck by lightning on
Saturday belonging to DR.. Hammond
who had a beautiful spotted calf only
four days old"
A distressing accident is thus chron-
icled:
"a sad accident happened to the
family of John Elderkin on Main
street yesterday. One of his children
was run over by a market wagon three
years old with sore eyes and pantalets
on that V spoke afterwards"
The next morning after lecturing at
GAINESVILLE 1 saw this paragraph:
George Peck an Incorporate edi-
tor from Milwaukee fell owe the gal
lery last night while Eli Perkins was
lecturing in a beastly state of intoxi,
cation"
1.-The coroner's jury brought in 6
verdict that Mr.. Peck came to his
death by remaining too long in 8
cramped position while listening tc
Mr.. Perkins lecture which produced
apoplexy on the minds of the jury.
Eli Perkins in Mexico, Jsa15th.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11
DropsJ and Rheumatism.

Dropsical and rheumatic persons
find the use of Speer's Port Grape
Wine, of New Jersey, of incalculable
benefit. Its purity and valuable prop.
critics have given it wide reputation
among physician throughout this
country and Europe. This wine tool
the highest premium at the late Cen.
tennial. 1t is excellent for weary
and deoilitated females, and used by
the best families in New York as an
evening family wine. For sale by H.
Hall, Mexico.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11
Good Combination.

Daughter (home from school)-
Now, papa, are you satisfied? just
look at my Observation-Disclosures
economy, satisfactory; fine arts and
music, very good logic, excellent
Father-'Very much so, my deal
especially as regards your fu-
ture. If your husband should under
stand anything of housekeeping, cook
ing, mending and the use of the sew
ing machine, perhaps your married
life will indeed be happy"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11

did not simply compose that Psalm.
He wrote it out and sent it to8be sung
publicly three times a year in the tenn
pie, that all that went up to the feasts
might be informed of his repentance
and sorrow for his wickedness. Now
that is the true way to atone for scan
dial brought upon religion. The re-
traction ought to be as public as the
offence.
These meetings will be continued
every night this week in the several
churches of the city.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11

Bob. White, o the Mexico LEDGER,
has sworn off and the saloons of Mex.
leo have hung Grape on their doc,
knobs, and the women who wash his
socks have made q ''corner'' on car.
bolic acid.-Sedalia Bazoo.
Do you think we.wereIwont to baths
our feet in whiskey?
Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-01-11
Kind Words.
To the Editor Of the LEDGER:

the Editor OF the LED'EH:
NEVADA, Mo-, Jan. l, 1ss3.-En'
closed find money order for So, which
pays my subscription for the Great
Religious Weekly to 1884. The
LEDGER is a welcome guest at oul
door. ]. G.. HUTCHINSON.
The above is a sample of the let
tiers we are receiving by every mail.