Mexico weekly ledger., 1883-08-16
The Youmorist.

"You are an youmorist, are you
ot?" queried a long-billed pelican
ddresslng a thoughtful, mental ath-
ete on the Milwaukee & st. Paul road
he other day.
"Yes, sir" said the sorrowful man,
rushing away a tear. II am an
'oumorist. 1 am not very much so
nut still ! can see that I am drifting
hat way. And yet l was once joy
us and happy as you are. Only a
ew years ago, before I was exposed
o this malady, 1 was as blithe as a
peeled yearling, and rocked not OF
sught-nor anything else, either. Now
nv whole life is blasted. 1 do not
iare to eat pie Or preserves, and no
me tells funny stories when L am
lear. They regard me as a profess
,ional, and when i get in sight the
scrub nine close up and wait for me
o entertain the crowd and waddie
round the ring
"What do you mean by that:'
nurmured the purple-nosed interro-
cation point.
Mean? Why, l mean that whether
I'm drawing q salary or not, I'm ex-
,ected to be the life Of the party
[ don't want to be the life of the
party. 1 want to get up the reputa-
ion of being as cross as a bear with
4 sore head. l want people to watch
heir children for fear I'll swallow
them. 1 want to take my low-cu'
evening dress smile and put it in the
bureau-drawer, and tell the world I've
got a cancer in my stomach and the
heaves and hypochondrla, and a ma
lignant case of leprosy."
"Do you mean to say that you dt
not feel facetious all the time, an(
that you get weary Of being an you
morist?"
"Yes, hungry interlocutor. Yes
low-browed student, yes. l am no
always tickled. Did you ever have
large. angry and abnormally protub
Grant boil somewhere on your persol
where it seemed to be in the way
Did you ever have such a boil as
travelling companion and then get in
troduced to people as an youmorist
You have not? Well, then, you d
not know all there is of suffering i
this sorrow-streaked world. Whe
wealthy people die why don't the
endow a cast-iron castle with a draw
bridge to it and call it the youmorists
retreat? Why don't they do som
good with their money instead
fooling Il away on those who are CON
paratively happy"
"But how did you come to git I
be an youmorlstT"
"Well, I don't know. 1 blame m
parents some. They might have pr
vented it if they'd taken it in TIM
but they didn't. They let it run Q
till it got established, and now it's I
use to 60 to the Hot Springs or to IL
mountains, or have an operation pc
formed. You let a man get the nan
of being an %youmorist and he doesn
dare to register at the hotels, and
has to travel anonymously and MAJ
his clothes with his wife's name
the public will lynch him If he does
say something humorous"
"Where is your boy tonight" CO
tinued the gloomy humorist. II
you know where he is? Is he
home under your watchful eye, or
he away somewhere mailing the ha
dies on bis first little joke? Parent
beware. Teach your boy to bewar
Watch him night and day, or all
once, when he is beyond your jurl
diction, he will grow pale He "
have a far-away look in his eye al
the bright, rosy lad will have becor
the hat-chested, joyless youmorist
"It's hard to speak unkindly of o
parents, but mingled with my o'
remorse l shall always murmur
myself and ask over and over vi
did not not my parents rescue I
while they could! Why did they
low my chubby little feet to wadd
down to the dangerous ground
which the sad-eyed youmorist mt
forever stand?"
partner, do not forget what
have said to-day. Whether 20
child be a son or daughter, it matte
not. Discourage the first sign
approaching humor. 1t is easier
bust the backbone of the first lit
tender jokelet that sticks its he
through the virgin soil than it is
allow the Shiny folds of your Sol
youmorous lecture to be wrapt abe
you and to bring your gray hairs W
sorrow to the graye."-BW Nye.
Damietta.
The town Of Damietta, which gives
pane to the eastern branch Of the NJ
y about four miles from the sea, and
situated between the river and Lake NJ
zalah. 1t is q town Of some thirty tho'