Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-03-31
THE BAD BOY.
He Disturbs His Fathers Peace ul Slumbers
by an Alarm Of Fire.
THE MUSIC BOX THAT PLAYED
'.sHE'S a DAISY" DURING
CHURCH SERVICE.

"Got any vaseline?' said the bad
boy to the grocery man, as he went in
the store one cold morning, leaving
the door open, and picked up cigar
stub that had been thrown down by
the stove, and began to smoke it.
Shut that door, dun you. Was
you brought up in sawmill? No
l haven't got vaseline. What do you
want of vaseline9" said the grocery
man, as he set the strip keg on a
chair by the stove where it would
thaw out.
want to rub it on pas legs said
the boy, as he tried to draw some
smoke through the cigar stub.
"Why, what is the matter with
your pas legs? Rheumatism?
"Wus nor rheumatic" said the
boy as he threw away the cigar stub
and drew some cider in a broken tea
cup. 'Pa has got the worst looking
hind legs you ever saw. You see,
since there has been 80 many fires pa
has got offul scared, and he has
bought three fire escapes made out of
ropes with knots in them, and he has
been telling us every day how he
could rescue the whole family in case
of fire. He told us to be- cool, what
ever happened, and to rely on him.
If the house got on fire we were all to
rush to pa, and he would save u.s.
Well, last night ma had to go to one
of the neighbors. where they were
going to have twins, and we didn't
sleep much, cause she had to come
home twice in the night to get SAT
from, and an old flannel petticoat that
/ broke in when / was kid, cause the
people where ma went did not know
as twins was on the bill of fare, and
they only had flannel petticoats for
one. Pa was cross at being kept
awake, and told ma he hoped when
all the children in Milwaukee were
born, and got growed up, she would
take in her sign and not 60 around
nights acting as usher at baby mat
inees. Pa says there ought to be a
law that babies should arrive on the
regular day trains, and not wait for
the midnight express. Well, pa he
got asleep, and he slept till about
eight o'clock in the morning, and the
blinds were closed, and it was dark
in his room, and / had waited for my
breakfast till I was hungry as a
wolf, and the giil told Inc to wake pa
up, so went up stairs, and l don't
know what made me think of it, but
I had some of this powder they make
red fire with in the theater, that me
and my chum had the Fourth of July,
and / put it in a wash dish in the
bath room, and / touched it off and
hollered fire. 1 was going to wake
pa up and then tell him it was all
right, and laugh at him. l guess
there was too much fire, or yelled
too loud, cause pa jumped out Of bed
and grabbed rope and rushed
through the hall toward the back
window, that goes out on the shed.
/ tried to say something, but pa run
over me and told me to save myself,
but got to the back windowt to tell
him there was no fire just as he let
himself out of the window. He had
one end of the rope tied to the leg of
the washstand, and he was climbing
down the back side of the shed by the
kitchen, with nothing on but his
night shirt, and he was the horriblest
looking object that ever was, with his
legs flying and trying to stick his toe
nails into the rope and the side of
the house. / don't think a man
looks we'll in society with nothing on
but his night-shirt. I didn't blame
the hired girls for being scared when
they saw pa and his legs coming
down outside the window, and when
they yelled / went down to the
kitchen, and they said a crazy man
with no clothes but pillow case
around his neck was trying to kick
the window in; and they ran into the
parlor, and opened the door and let
pa in the kitchen. He asked me if
anybody else was saved, and then I
told him there was no fire, and he
must have dreamed he was in hell, or
somewhere. Well, pa was astonished
and said he must be wrong in the
head, and [ left him thawing himself
by the stove while went after his
pants, and his legs were badly chilled
but I guess nothin' was froze He
lays it all to ma. and says if she would
stay at home and let people run their
own baby shows, there would be more
comfort in the house. Ma came in
with shawl over her head, and a
bowl full of something that smelled
frowy, and after she had told us what
the result of of the visit was, she sent
me after vaseline to rub pas legs. Pa
says he has demonstrated that If a
man is cool and collected, in case OF
fire, and goes deliberately at work to
save himself, he will come out all
right"
well, You are the meanest boy /
ever heard Of" said the grocery man.
"But what about your pas dancing a
clog dance in the church Sunday.
The minister's hired girl was in here
after some cod fish yesterday morn
ing, and she said the minister said
your pa had scandalized the church
the worst way"
"Oh. he didn't dance in church. He
was q little excited, that's all. You
see, pa chews tobacco, and it is pretty
hard on him to sit all through the
A L IL u \ l.