The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1883-08-16
sofaAs1ESE'S
Mo'N LIS f0r II0Ye, IOr3 6l4OVe IeVei
ll."-Boston BatlLeti7.

Flies have their uses. Their persist
ency in lighting on unprotected noses
lessons the amount of piano practice
in summer time, when all the win
dows are open.--Philadelphia Ne'cs.
A well-known florist says that
flowers will keep better wrapped in
q wet newspaper than in any other
way. This is another argument in
favor of subscribing - Windham CoIn-
ty Sunbeam.
It's Lowell who asks, "What is SO
rare as day in June" is it not e
Well, now, if he had only stopped t9,
think minute, he might have knq6
that the 29th of February was tneS
swer to the riddle.-HarUard LdS
poon.
A cucumber five feet long is ext
tied at New Orleans. Itisa't siZS
counts in cucumber, howeYts
little, stubby fellow, three by
inches, has proven enough to expand
an ordinary-sized stomachto IN acher.
-Pittsbu1y Telegraph.
A collector wrote tc General Sher-
man for his autograph and lock Of
his hair, and received in reply: 1.-The
man who has been writing my auto
graphs has been discharged, and as my
orderly is bald cannot comply with
either of your requests
Recently, when handsome young
woman went to shop to get one~ef
those wooden contrivances that are
used for MASKING potatoes, and said:
al want a masher," every man in the
shop, from the cashier to the manager,
started up to wait on her.
r" "Satira Jane" said fond mother
the other morning to her daughter,
"did Daniel Johnson kiss you on the
steps last night?" NO, mamma, he
did not" If the fond parent had said
mouth instead Of steps, it would have
troubled Jane to reply: although, after
all, steps are things to a door.-Boston
Courier.
"What is this man charged with?"
asked his honor of n police officer IN
the Tombs police court yesterday as
Paddy Duffy was arraigned at the bar.
"With whisky, your honor, | believe"
answered the officer, with 4 smile.
well send him to the island until
he's discharged" answered his honor.
-NeU YORK; Journal.
Save the Sweetest Kiss for Mothcr'
is the title Of the latest new song. The
author evidently ovcrlooks the fact
that the young mans precious time is
so completely occupied in paying his
respects to the daughter that the old
lady stands Il mighty slim chance of
getting any kiss ut all.-To5d LcGJ.
A Pennsylvania man has obtained
the cradle in which he WIS rocked ;lS
q baby and the cradle which he swung
in the harvest field Is u youth. All
he needs now, to set up i mUacum Of
old memories, is the switch his mother
used to lick him with, and the switch
| his wife had on when he married her.
-Burlington FIRE. Press.
woNDRous WISE.
There WAS mtl Ill our town,
And he was wondroui wise:
! For When he marked his ricc3 down,
He then dill advert sc.
And when he saw his trade incre lse,
With all his might and main
! He marked sill lower cve:y price,
! And advertised again.
! --Dct,oH Fee Press.
THAT DREADFUL. DOCTOR.
He warns us in eating, he vans us IL Gr:hil-
ing,
He warns us in reading and writing and
thinking;
He warns MS in foo bail, foot-;nce, eight.
oar "s!roling,'
! He warns US in dancing AMI cigarette smok.
ing;
He warns US in taking champagne and
canoeing,
He warns us in wearing red socks and sham
pooinS;
he warns us-of drains--in our snug coun-
/ try quarters; -.
He warns us-of fev,.- in miro al waters
Ho warns US ia-e@oryih;ng mortal may
i mention.
But-what gives rise
i To but little surprise
Nobody pays him tho slightest a.tention!
London Puick