The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1883-01-19
Syocpendyke as a Farmer.

'This, said Mr.. Spoopendyke las he gazed
around on his new acquisition of six acers-
H'This, my dear, is what have always wan
ted. A farm and farmers life are the
highways to happiness, Mrs. Spoopendyke,
don't you think so -
''It's perfectly lovely" rejoined Mrs.
Spoopendyke. 'sf was born on a farm and
was always healthy, though had to go a
good ways for water
''Ill fix that, my dear" returned Mr..
Spoopendyke. :sI'll bring the water Now,
where are my agricultural reports? I must
plant right off if we are going to have crops,
and when they're ripe, we'll take them to
market"
81 see the report says you must give your
hen chopped turnir once in while" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke, putting her thumb on
the paragraph.
either that or cabbages," returned her
husband. 81 don't know whether we'll
have cabbages enough, he continued, mus
ingly.
'You might have less buckwheat,' sug-
gested Mrs. Spoopendyke. 81 should
think, though, that two acres would be
enough for one hen, and if it isn't, you can
buy load now and then from the neighbors.
''I'll think that over" replied Mr. Spoo-
pendyke. Here's che. thing certain I
don't derstand. It says we should test
a few seeds before planting to makessure
they will ge-minate, but it don't say how
to do it,
''Maybe it means to boil them," sugses-
ted Mrs Spoopendyke; cor perhaps you"
'tOh, perhaps you think it means to
crack EN- with an axe to see if they are
hard ! I spose you've got an ide. you
stick straws into 'em to see if they're done
Well, you don't; you put acid on 'em. I'll
get some acid and drop 'em in, and if it
discolors em they're no good, and if it don't
they're all right, think we ought to have
some weevil for the pig
81 don't know where you're going to
plant it, - said Mrs. Spoopendyke, ''unless
it Will grow with buckwheat or onions.
You can't put it in with the cabbages, be
cause the pig and hen would fight
Don't you know what weevil is ?" de
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke, glaring at his
wife. "Got a notion it's some kind of
weed for a pig to smoke, haven't you
Imagine it's gilt-edged note paper with
monogram for him to write on, don't yox
Well, it isn't swallow-tailed coat or a |
plug hat for him to go to church in neither |
You don't plant weevil, Mrs. Spoopendyke,
any more than you do soap, or clothes pins,
or stair-rods. You buy it in barrels, and |
I'll order some. %
81 think we ough ght to have some lace cur
tains for the front Windows" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to change the
''4es, and we want a folding bedstead for
the cow, and we've got to have a new arm
chair for the pig, and I'm afraid those cab
bages won't do without wet-nurse J"
squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke. Il suppose
I've got to hire a man to see that the
meadow don't 60 fishing on Sundays and up
set your religious notions. O! you're
farmers wife you are If I had time to
write an index to you and get some dod-
yasted binder to fit you up and with fly
eaf, you'd make whole agricultural re-
port !''
And Mr.. Spoopendyke shot into the
house and to bed, while his wife. having put
Up all the oil lamps into buckets of water :
10 they couldn't explode during the night, t
ell asleep dreaming that the cabbage patch t
lad eloped with the onions, while the COW f
nd the pig had died of weevi', and the {
windmill had abandoned agricultural pur- {
uits and started off through Ohio preaching +
he Gospel Brooklyn Eagle. il