Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-09-03
THE BAD BOY.

been steaming ever since. Pa can't
stand adversely. But / guess we
have got him now. He is the scartest
man you ever saw
''How did you bring him to his
senses 2"
swell, we tried having the minis
ter talk to pa, but pa talked Bible,
about taking little wine for the
stomach's sake, and gave illustrations
about Noah's getting full, so the min
lister couldn't brace him up, and then
ma had some of the sisters come and
talk to him, but he broke them all up
by talking about what an appetite
they had for champagne, and they
couldn't have any effect upon him,
and so ma said she guessed | would
have to exercise my energies on pa
again, so | told her that if she would
do just as I said, me and my chum
would scare pa so he would swear off.
She said she would, and we went to
work. First / took pas spectacles
down to an optician, Saturday night,
and had the glasses taken out and
pair put in their places that would
magnify, and I took them home and
put them in pas spectacle case. Then
[ got suit of clothes from my chum's
uncle's trunk, about half the size of
pas clothes. My chum's uncle is a
very small man, and pa is corpulent.
/ got a plug hat three sizes smaller
than pas hat and took the name out
of pas hat and put it in the small
hat. [ got a shirt about half big
enough for pa and put his initials on
the thing under the bosom, and got
number fourteen collar. Pa wears
seventeen. Pa had promised to brace
up and 60 to church On Sunday morn
ing, and ma put these small clothes
where pa could put them On. I told
ma, when pa woke up, to tell him he
looked awfully bloated and to excite
his curiosity, and then send for me-"
''You didn't play such a trick as
that On poor old man, did you?''
said the grocery man.
"You bet. Well, ma told pa he
looked awfully bloated. Pa said he
guessed he wasn't bloated very much,
but he got up and put on his specta-
cles and looked at himself in the
glass. You'd a dide to see him look
at himself. His face looked as big
as two faces, through the glasses,
and his nose was a sight. Pa looked
scared, and then he held up his hand
and looked at that. His hand looked
like ham. Just then / came in and
looked pale, with some chalk on my
face, and begun to cry, and l said:
%, pa, what ails you? You are so
swelled up I hardly knew you Pa
looked sick to his stomach and then
tried to get on his pants. Oh, my,
it was all l could do to keep from
laughing to see HIM pull them pants
on. He could just get his legs in,
and when l got shoe horn and gave
| it to him he was mad. He said it
was mean boy that would give his
pa a shoe horn to put his pants on
with. The pants wouldn't come
around pa into ten inches and pa said
he must have eat something that dis
agreed with him, and he laid it to
watermelon. Ma stuffed her hand
kerchief in her mouth to keep from
laffing, when she see pa look at his
self. The legs of the pants were so
tight pa couldn't hardly breathe, and
he turned pale and said: 'Hennery,
your pa is mighty sick man, and
then ma and me both laughed, and
he said we wanted him to die so we
could spend his life insurance in riot
out living.
But when pa put on that condensed
shirt ma she laid down on the lounge
and fairly yelled, and | laughed til
my sides ached. Pa got it over hi
head, and got his hands in Il
sleeves, and he couldn't see us laue
but he could hear us, and he sa
"It's darned funny amt it to ha
parent swelled up in this way.
bust you will both be sorry
ma took hold of one side of th
and took hold of the other
pulled it on, and when pa
came up through the collar :.
was fairly blue.
Ma told him she was
would have stroke of ap
fore he got his clothes opiN
guess pa thought SO toe >,
to get the collar on, bu
60 half way round his = = :"
looked in the glass n
looked so. He sat do 'n''
and painted, he was 81 WI -
and the shirt and p o'
pa said there was nc "hO' aipr
use livln
in the side show Nal ~
the plug hat on pr ''s' '
so small it was g hef'o' ,'n
no tr;od 70 ft Is oing to roll
H. taol- - :, on his head, {
- coo g = no. Id looked insi
fonna b;s non, ) his hat, and
it away. My III :. n
Then he told hea'' - '' :,
mighty quic INC " - ~
got the K.
we were &C oocooi ''n' ~
| . i Nth