The river press., 1883-02-28
HIS PAS ESCAPE.
What the Bad Boy wanted with Vasellne.
The Old Man gets Churched

'Got any vaseline ?' said the bad boy
to the grocery man, as he went IN the
store one cold morning, leaving the door
open. and picked up a cigar stub that
had been thrown down by the stove and
began to smoke it.
shut that door, dunn you. was you
brought up in saw-mill? You IL freeze
every potato in the house. No, haven't
got vaseline. What do you want OF vase
line % said the grocery man as he set
the syrup keg on chair by the stove,
where it would thaw out.
WAN to rub it on pas legs, SAID the
boy, as he tried to draw smoke through I
the cigar stub.
"Why, what is the matter with your
pas legs? Rheumatic?
"Wuss nor rheumatiz,' said the boy,
as he threw away the cigar stup ana
drew some cider in broken tea cup.
..Pa has got the worst looking hind legs
YOU ever saw. You see, since there has
been so many fires pa has got offul scared
and he has bought three fire escapes,
made out of ropes with knots III them,
and he las been telling us every day how
he could rescue the whole family IN case
of fire. He told us to be cool, whatever
| happened, and to rely on him. Ii the
| house got on fire we were all TO rusn TO
pa and he would save us. Well, last
| night ma had to 90 to one OF the neigh
bors where they was going TO nave
twins, and we didn't sleep much cause
| ma had to come home twice IN the nlgnt
TO get saffron, and an old nannel pettl-
coat that | was broke in when l was
kid cause the people where ma Went
| didn't know as twins was on tne OIL ol
fare, and they only had flannel pettlcoats
ir a
awake. and told me he hoped when all
the children in Milwaukee were born
and cot grown upshe would take in her
sign and not go around at nights acting
as usher to baby matinees. Pa says that
there ought to be a law that babies
should arrive on the regular day trains,
and not wait for the night express. Well,
na he got asleep and he slept till about
EIGHT O'clock in the morning, ana the
blinds were closed, and it was dark in
his room. and I had waited for my
breakfast till was hungry as wolf,
and the girl told me to wake pa up, SO |
went upstairs, and I don't know what
made me think of it, but | had some OF
this powder they make red fire OF IN the
theatre, that me and my chum had the
4th O. July, and | put it in wash DISH
!, in the bath room, and | touched lt OH
: and followed fire. l was going TO wake
ma M and then tell him it was all right
and laugh at him. I guess there was
too much fire, or yelled too loud, cause
pa Jumped out of bed and grabbed rope
and rushed through the hall towards the
back window that goes out on shed. |
: tried to say something, but pa run over
me and told me to save myself, ana go'
to the back window to tell nlm there
! was no fire lust as he let himself out o.
! the window. He had one end OF the
:. rome tied to the leg of the Washstand anC
he was climbing down the back side o.
the shed by the kitchen, with nothing
q on but his night shirt, and be was tht
} horriblest looking object ever was, VIII
l. his legs flying and trying to suck MS !, TO-
r nails into the rope and the slde OF lils
= house [ don't think man looks WEI
} in society with nothing on put ms hig.i
shirt. I didn't blame the hired girls 10
being scared When they saw pa ana al
legs come down outside the WINDOW an
when they yelled / went down to tn
n kitchen, and they said crazy man Wit
r no clothes but pillow case around al
20 neck was trying to kick the window IN
a and they run into theparlor,. and | ope1
ed the door and let pa into the kltcne1
e He asked me if anybody else was sayet
id and then I told him there was no III
4. and he must have dreamed he was
~ hell or somewhere Well pa was astof
: ished and said he must be wrong IN th
lg head and / left him thaWing himself
d. the stove while | went after his pant
le and his legs were badly chilled, but
% Guess nothing was froZe. He lays 1t
to ma and says if she would stay
y home and let people run their own oar
IN shows. there would be more comfort
IN the house. Ma came in with a shaw
-, over her head, and a bowl full OF som
:. - thing that smelled frowsy, and after ST
u had told us what the result Of her Wis
ed was. she sent me after vasellne TO ruo
IS na,s legs. Pa says be has demonstrate
~, that if man is cool and collected
- case of fire, and goes deliberately to Wol
Gu to save himself he will come out
~ right"
heard Off said the grocery man.
what about your pas dancing a cl'
dance in church Sundaye The min
ter's hired girl was in here after son
XIV Goldfish yesterday morning. and sue sa
5y the minister said your pa had scand'
es- ized the church the worst way.
M 80. he didn't dance in church 1
a was little excited, that's all You Sc
nd IA chews tobacco and it is pretty ha
On him to sit all through the sermt
ed without taking chew, and ne gets ~ !,
an vo11s. He ALWAYS reaches around III [
ass nistol pocket when they stand up
sing the last time, and feels in his
an hacco box and gets a chew. Well, .
ae. chum had present on last Christmas
XIV music box. lust about as big as pas
ICE hacco hox. and all YOU have to Go IS