Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-06-15

| caught his 1OOt In bear
trap.
banana pie Is the latest novelty in deserts
1t is said tobe the only stomachic intruder
winch VIII make mar honestly yearn for
castor OIL
"hen you are out in boat and hear a
rain squat you had better ROVER to land.
Mary Anderson says that for her par, she
thinks Edwin Booth very unreasonable TO
OBJECT to being kissed by men. Well, you
see, Mary is used to 1t and Ed isn't.
a young man of our acquaintance says that
whenever he thinks Of an ice rcam parlor it
makes bis mouth water. Must be very con.
venicnt for him, these thirsty days
A reliable medical exchange says that al
cohol applied 10 the rart affected will cure
sunburn. Some people, it would SEEM pur
poscly keep their mouths open, SO tina. they
may be sunburncd internally.
~ Chicago man found his morning paper
lying on top of the porch the other morning,
when he arose. lie was very naturally sur
ptiscd, not at the fact that it was lying, but
that 1t was on top of the porch.
There is no difficulty says an exchange,
I'm understanding the pure mother tongue"
Not II 1t is the amother-in-laws Most men
have no difficulty in tumblng to that.
An exchange says that just now strawber-
ries can lie bought in the city at the rate of
three boxes for a quarter. Size of the boxes,
please
A mental rcck-l guess So
The llindoos have $4,000 gods. They
do just about as they please.
A lofty rcek-climbng up to survey pair
OF lovers through a stovc-pipc hole.
An exchange asserts that, "The Chicago
water works" 1t docs, on an Eastern man
mighty sudden.
One touch of Summer makes the whole
world skin.
Boston is having Il baby show. We thought
OF going down and putting in for prize, but
W. couldn't rent baby anywhere.
Englsh papers say that Oscar Wilde has
put on long pants. Now, Oscar if You will
come Lack to America We will not refuse to
shake hands with you.
A young man in Missouri was bitten by
pretty girl, and died, few days afterwards,
in great agony. This shows how important
it is that young men should insist on the
girls taking their teeth out when the time
comes to sit on the sofa.
An cnterprising bull dog is great acccs.
sion to a newspaper office. He is full of
snap.
Do MT too hastily conclude that the man
with the knob on his nose has been humping
it against the bottom of beer lumber A
northward bound mosquito may have roasted
| there over night.
The man who caught bad cold in the
head, wishes his nose hadn't run 50 fast.
There is nothing like having business
head. A young man living in Newbury,
Mass, makes a practice of shooting crows
| near his home and selling them for seven
| cents apiece 10 his fathcr-in-law, who lives
| in New Hampshire, and the latter takes the
hea Is to the Granite State officials and gets
| the State bounty of ten cents each for them.
The New York Plumbers Association re-
Gently had a picnic We presume they left
a lot of gold plate scattered around under the
benches, together with - bills used for dish
towels, and other mlno. brio a-brac hiahly nc.
ceptablc to the owners Of the ground.
An exchange advertises "a book for moth
ing" We have read it, and can checrfuy
testify that its contents have mol b,cn over
estimated.
This is the time when the small boy hc,h
to the shinglc mill and gettcth his head sand
papercd, .and straightway the festive fly
takcth him and he deyoutly wishcth that
his hair was long in the land.
The young man in white pants who sat
down on strawberry short-cakc at a picnic
refused to be convinced that the crushed
strawberry tint upon the prominent part of
his person rendered him more fashionlbly
| fascinating.
An exchange has an article on Searching
for hop grubs." We suppose it refers II
those impecunious individuals who dine at
hotels, aud then lightly skip out.
a Burlington girl got mixed up in a row,
the other night How why, the oars
went back on her One of en- got all twist
ed up in her sacque, and the other caught in
the water and pushed her right off the seat,
backward, and the young man who was
i "a. -. AZ t,., hos. ,1nr
rassment by making her believe that she was
out fishing Tor crabs.
| FREE PRESS PROVERBS.
A peg in the wall Is worth two in the
boot.
| We'll bred is better than none Many a
family dimes chiefly Off its door plate.
|. is one hundred per cent better to be
stocked by mule than by the sun.
The man who draws the long cucumber
gets the burial lot.
People who buy on credit should remem-
Der the awful example of the late Mr., Mar
mion, who died with the request, charge,
Chester charge" upon his lps.-Boston
| Transcript.
| y new 1olk puDlsHcI HAS lssucu u
Pocket Guide in the Art of swimming The
trouble with the work is that when n inan is
in swimming he has nopockct. OriedHs
Picayune,
As will be seen by our special from
| Bradys Bend the fire originated in Il livery
and undertaking establishment. A man who
will conduct a livery and deadery business
under the same roof ought to be burned out.
| on city BGs:drd.
~nNA Il