Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-12-21
ORR KALEIDOSCOPE.

a.
contemporary. Well now, say, suppose you
begin it.
There is said TO be man in New York
who handles 100000 geese year. Can't lie
fancy tailor, can it
1t is said that people who rise early live
the longest-to the extent, probably, of two
miserable hours day before breakfast.
A Yankee genius has invented an umbrella
which cannot be stolen. The dickens
have we got to add another item to our bill
of personal expenses
Judge Noisywatcro is the name of a
Cherokee justice Of the peace. We hone his
Honor's Turbulency does not arise from too
much fire water.
An exchange says that "a rise in collars
may be expected" Not in ours, by iolly.
That button is sewcd on now so that the old
boy couldn't start it.
Just in time to catch the train - exclai:a
ed young Popinjay at a fashionabl. party,
as he stepped back to bow to young lady,
and heard the stitches crack in the next
| room.
dear Inc, how people do use nick names
now days" exclaimed Mrs. Bascom.
Heres lecture on life in Libby prison.
Why couldn't they have called it Elizabeth
prison, aud done with il Z"
boarding house keeper was surprised to
sec one OF her boarders, one morning, take
tue butter from his plate and knock it around
the table with his fork. What arc you doing
that for 2" she asked. "Madam," replied
the boarder, 'rhis butter is so very strong
that find it necessary to weary it a little be-
fore eating, or it would knock out my
stomach in the first round" Moral, never
avoid an opportunity to insult your land.
lady, for in 50 doing You cxat yourself in
the eyes of your fellow boardcrs.
as genius hereditary 7" asks scientific
journal Let's see. Where's there an editor
with boy old enough to settle the question
by?
Frenchman claims to have invented Q
paper which is inconhustihic. Won't it b,
AN awful giiud ~ tie man that gets up al
six o'clock TO make the fire.
Employer: "Do you ever use profan,
language, Samboy' Sambo. ''Oh. Il,
sab but | sv'ars little sometime
though"
The Burmans believe that when man il
critically sick the best thing to do is to xiv,
the patient n mixture Of cveryt thing in tn,
medicine chest. a good many doctors il
this country seem To have the same idea.
f According tot recent authority, if duck
fly but a short way after shot, a violen
gale may be conf Iently expected. We sup
: pose cyclone may he looked for, if they
should happen not to ly at all.
We recently saw an article on "lIow t,
raise dogs but did no. iead it, because w
have successfully raised several ourselves
Oar method is 10 draw them up with slil
moose Is the lower limb of an apple tree.
: Night schools are to be opened in the In
diana prisons. The inmates are 50 busy
during the day time that they have to get i,
their literary culture by lamp-light.
: a medical writer says that chickens ant
turkeys often suffer from consumption
, They certainly do about Thank sgiving
time.
There are said to be about 140OO one.cyct
men in the United States. This is sa,
showing, but i! people will get married they
must take the consequences.
There are only four ia, mers in the New
York State Serate. What's the matter ovel
there?
The report that Ouida has b,c)m, Cath.
Ole is denied by the lady wh) writes uadel
that name. She ought to have some definite
information on the subject.
The London IYorN is authority for thu
statement that Oscar Wilde is about to be
married. Bet you he'll have the nonscns,
taken out of him now.
A New York photographer alvtrtses
Babies taken on the n.y." Gees tina, mpn
don't know how miny blbiei flies have.
The thermometers in the Pennsylvania
House of Representatives were stolen by
members during the closing hours of the SEES
sion. They were the last pieces OF portable
property left over from the last session.
Artcsian well men claim that it is almost
Impossible to strike water in Kentucky.
Nature evidently anticipated what sort Of
people were going to live there.
A physician says that pneumonia often
comes from wearing swallow tailed suits.
Good gracious how we have been exposing
oursclf.
A real estate dealer says that man can
not be successful land spectator and 4
Chris.iln ut the same time. Very few Land
Spectators make the attemot, SO far us We
have observed.
Come and hcarkcn to my lay" sing, Il
poet in an cxchiugr. II he had cour Ia "a,
now, his lay weuld have been htr, "
much more promptly, anil it would nnv'
been On the hardest spot in the np1r, -.
An advertiser says that ''parlor matches
are the only true match for the household"
We don't know about that. We think some
very satisfactory engagements have been
made at the front gate, or out on the
piazza.
| 1t is said that very few tramps visit Bath,
Me- The name has repulsive sound to their
ears.
| A Mr.. Berg of Troy, N. y, recently
knocked ,mischicvous street boy scnseless
with broom. Mr. Berg has evidently been
married some time, and understands broom
tactics.
Write to Detroit, Mich, for lost cats.
| They are manufacturing Alaska furs there in