Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-09-12

ylleu tn6 SullOIi III WIZ tDtiJ the bin
nacle." "And pray" asked the law, or,
"what do you mean by ihatP" "Well,
that's good" responded the witness
"you must be a pretty fellow TO come
here as a lawyer and don't know what
abaft the pinnacle means"
At another time a lawyer, in cross
examining witness, asked him, among
other questions, where he was on par
ticular day TO which he replied that he
had been in the company OF two friends.
"Friends!" exclaimed his tormentor;
"two thieves, | suppose, you mean"
"They may be so, replied the witness,
dryly, ''for they are both la yyers."
A good story is told of a certain
Bishop, who, from information received,
felt it his paramount duty to remon-
strate with one of his clergy for hunt
ing; and so the reverend Nimrod was
expostulated with by his chief. swell,
your lordship," was the reply, al think
you will agree with me that not
a little generalship is required in
the management and marshaling OF
our pleasures, and | really don't see
that it is any worse than going to q
ball." al conclude" rejoincd his lord
my name among tine list at the Duchess
of Ms ball; but as 'ure you was
not in the same room with the dancers
during any part OF the evening!"
"That, my lord, is exactly my case"
was the calm rejoinder; 81 am never in
the same field with the hounds!" After
such mutual explanations on both sides,
we must not be surprised to hear that
the conversation suddenly dropped.
BY stunning the table," as II were,
upon the enemy, common soldier OF
the Russian army proved himself equal
to the occasion, and speedy promotion
was the fortunate result. 1t appears
that Suvorof, the well-known eccentric
General, used frequently to ask his
young officers and soldiers the most alb
surd questions, considering it proof of
smartness on their part if they gave
prompt reply, and hating above all
things al don't know" as an answer.
He one day went up to sentry, and rs
the man presented arms, Suvorof said:
"Tell me how many buttons there are
on the uniforms of fifty thousand menp"
81 can't say" replied the soldier, very
naturally: upon which the Marshal, &c.
him for an ignoramus and rate him for
his stupidity. The sentry, however,
knowing Suvorof's character, took cour-
age, and said: "Woll, sir, perhaps it's
not every question your ExcclIcncy
could answer yourself; for instance,
there are my two Old maiden aunts-
would you please 10 tell me their
namesP" The mans quicknoss atoned
for his apparent impudence in the eyes
of the General; and the soldier was
elevated from the ranks the following
morning, his promotion being the turn
ing-point to an ultimately distinguished
career.
II need scarcely be said, however,
that the same good fortune d res not al
ways attend every answer To quest on
raised by superior person, absurd OF
eccentric as the matter may be. 1t is
we'll known, for instance, that Freder.
ick, King of Prussia, conqueror as he
was, sustained n severe defeat at Koslin
in the war of 1853. Some time after, at
a review, he loosely asked a soldier
who had got deep Cat across his face
"My good friend, AZ what particular
ale-house did you get that ugly looking
scratohp" ~ got it," answered the
man, tat Koslin, where your Majesty
paid the reckoning" 1t is extremely
doubtful il any reward or promotion
followed on that occasion; but if so,
history has unfortunately failed to make
any note of the circumstance.
Again, there are people who mistake
impertinencc for wit, and often get
rather more than one Roland for their
Oliver. One OF these persons, n foppish
nobleman, seeing Descartes enjoying the
pleasures OF the table, said: $50. sir,
see philosophers can indulge In the
greatest delicacies and good cheer"
"Why notP" replied the other. "Do
you really entertain such an idea as to
imagine Providence intended all good
things for the foolish and ignorantp'
In thorough conformity with our sub
ject, numberless instance; might be
quoted in which the humor is somewhat
of "broader" kind. A young man in
America during an electioneering con-
test, suddenly shouted out: "lIurrah
for Jackson!" at which Van Buren,
man exclaimed, angrily: "IIurrah for
a Jackass!" "All right, old man." said
the youth; "we won't quarrel over such
1Ou ioi loui
lite candidate, and I'll do the same for
NINE"
Examples culled from historical
records are occasionally open to serious
doubts, and it would be extremely
hazardous at times to give guarantee
for their perfect truth. Apart, how
ever, from these grave misgivings, they
serve their purpose in an admirable
manner in illustrating such subjects rs
those we have in hand, as the following
concluding anecdo!e will amply testify
Henry Carey, cousin to Queen
Elizabeth, after having enjoyed Her
Majesty's favor for several ears, lost il
in this manner: AS he was walking in
the garden of the palace under the
Queens window, she asked him, in q
jocular manner; "What does man
think when he is thinking of nothing?"
The answer was very brief one.
"Upon woman's PROMISE" he replied.
swell done, COUSIN" said Elizabeth
"excellent!" Some time after he
solicited the honor of peerage, and re-
minded tho Queen that she had prom
ised II to him. "True," said Her Ma
jesty; shut that was woman's prom
Use. u Chambers Journal.