The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-31
STOLEN SMILES.

'NSS aS btdSs'-l VIVA gardener.
+
STOLEN sMu.Es.
AIolphus wore his breeohes tight
~ t mis- he did not think
"nen he put on the roller skates
10 snow OF at the rink
ms iirst adventure was his last
ne u put on skates no more.
nc lried TO kick the roof all in
Ahu sat down on the AoOr.
" WI, Dolphy dropped the girls all laughed
IL was an awful fall
ana when they had their backs all turned,
I, ne packed up TO the wall.
ne called friend, took OFF the skates,
ANA giving him tho wink,
sa'I, Jim lend me that long. tailed coat
want 10 leave the rink"
The lives of great men all remind us that
the best of them can do foolish things.
After the mischief is done any one can
say what shall be done in case of an aoci.
dent.
English sparrows are said to be good on
toast They are pretty good on bread.
crumbs.
The only form of the liquor question
winch the republicans never dodge is:
what VIII you take"
An illustration of stinginess is cited by
an Arkansas editor who knows u man who
talks through his nose TO save the wear and
tear ON his false teeth.
A man lately married was asked at the
club about his bride. "Is she pretty %
mo, replied he, "she is not, hut she will
be when her father dies"
why, DEAR do you pronounce my name
'Chewlla p Is that the delightful Spanish
OF it ~ NO, pet, that ismerely in delicate
recognition OF your partiality for gum
None of the doctors who attended Garfield
have recognized each others existence since
the funeral, but whether this makes any of
them down sick deponent saith not.
1t is the boast of Gladstone that he can
20 to sleep under any circumstances.
Wonder, though, how the old gentleman
Would get along in an American sleeping
car?
One man is as good as another, and bet
ter, II he behaves better. No one is TO be
blamed because his grandfather had so
much money that he could afford to be Il
l0afer.
Among the articles stolen from the house
OF Il man i'll Clairetown few nights ago
were live hundred dollars in gold, and ten
quarts OF whisky. lie can earn more gold.
A Boston paper publishes remedy under
the head How to save one who is chok-
ing" Its very good so far as it goes, but
the surtst way is to work the governor for
iull pardon before the rope is put on.
Shirts which button behind have no sale
IN Europe. The Germans say they might
as well wear coats and vests which button
wrong side to, and the Engishman wants
something to growl about Sunday morn
ing.
They were Boosting about ancestry. "My
toretathers," said John, came over from
England on the Mayiiower." And my
ANCESTRY" said Pat, kim over from
Jamestown on the Sunfower It's les.
tnetic | am, begorrap
An Arkansas politician was approached
by a man, who said: Colonel, please give
me nickel | want TO cross the river
Haven't you got nickel" mo, sir"
~ won't give you one, then. A man who
hasn't nickel is just as well OF on this
side OF the river as the other"
a scientist has found with the aid of a
spectroscope, that sodium lines are visible
when solution is employed containing
less than two-millionth part OF grain of
sodium. What this discovery will have on
the price of Chicago beef, and opera tickets,
and eastern bonnets and spring overcoats,
L
early to predict.
They were talking about the cases of
smallpox that are alleged to prevail over in
san Antonio. One OF the gentlemen, who
had just returned from San Antonio, re-
marked that there was not much danger as
the patients had been isolated. Mrs. Wor-
rel Anterior, who thinks she knows every
thing, spoke up and said at don't make
any difference how many times you have
been isolated if it don't take"
Spring fever has its advantages, according
to southern paper. at puts us in har-
mony with the scheme OF our existence and
progress, and by that sign we know that
we are not clods, insensate and accidental,
but vital entities, definite factors in the
machinery of the universe" How inter
esting A boil on the back of the neck has
the same effect, for by that sign we know
we are not clods, ETC., etc.
When the accounts of an Ohio county
treasurer were found short, few weeks
ago, there was the usual excitement and
the usual number of theories were ad-
vanced as to how he had used the money.
Gentlemen" said supervisor, II know
where the money went TO-, and ! have no
pity in my heart for such q rascal"
Did he gambler"
"Oh, no."
Speculate in wheat?'
mo"
go into mining stocks?"
Never owned share in his life"
Must have gone into q railroad specula-
tion?"
81 think not. No. gentlemen, he was
too deep rascal for that. The designing
villain has wasted that money in buying
patent'riglNs, and the most valuable OF the