The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1883-03-17
FLASHES OF WIT.

A - DEAD open and shut the last
gasp OF an expiring crocodile.
ITALIAN music is fine because it is
ground SO much on the streets.
BACON says, Reading makes full
man. So does eating, Bacon.
DIAMONDS should bewashed regularly
but 1t Is not necessary to hang them out
on line in the back yard.
A WESTERN milkman advertises: "No
increase In price on account of the flood. -
We shouldn't think there would be-
Phita. NeUs.
A BOY asked his father the meaning of
-tempus fugit. The old gentleman said
he didn't know certain, but it was some
thing about tiy-time,
DEAN SwIFT's unique charity sermon:
"He who giveth to the poor lendeth to
the Lord. If you like the security.
| come down with the Dust"
A VERY accurate Chicago physician
sent IN certificate of death the other
day with his name signed in the space
reserved for " cause of death"
The question is asked us if there is
anything that will bring youth to wo-
men? Yes, there is. An income of saw
s., 900 Will bring any number of them.
a YOUNG lady applying for a situation
as teacher III Spencer County, KY, in
reply to question, said: 81 amt much
OF arlthmeticker, but am an elegant
grammarest."
HEARD in the suburbs: care Won
going to keep your backyard running
this season % "No, [ think | will put
a bay-window in the kiln and advertise
for summer boarders.
"IF you fall off that balcony you'll
get hurt, " said one friend to another
ono, / shan't," said No. 2; "there's
nothing about me to break; I'm broke
already. The Judge.
ELLA WHEELER says in one of h err
poems: go, let me hurry on" You
had better take it easy, Ella. Some of
the boys say you are over thirty already.
-ROcheStOr Post Express.
A SMILE: "No. / can't write in cold
blood, remarked Henderson; 81 have
work. "The same is true of The goose
TO be thoroughly warmed up to do good
the tailor uses" murmured Fog in a
stage whisper.
SwIFT's Stella in her last illness being
visited by her physician, he said:
" Madam, hope we shall soon get you
up the hill again" "Ahp' said She,
6 | am afraid before get to the top /
shall be out of BREATH
The foolish man foldeth his arms and
saith: "There is no trade, why should
I advertise ?" But the wise man is not
so. He whoopeth it up in the newspa
pers and verify he draweth trade from
afar.-Fat Contributor.
The movement in the east to abolish
the vest has petered out. When a man
takes off his coat at a Sunday School
picnic to ladle out the ice cream. he
wants something between the public and
the knots in his suspenders.
They have nice old lady in South
Boston of the genuine Partingtonian
variety. She recently alluded to the i'll.
ness of a friend with " You see he had
digestion of the lungs, and then it set
tied into ammonia. "-ISOnln1eTUiLLe. Jour
nal.
Why don't you eat like you do as
home ?" said the rural bridegroom to hit
bride at the table de hOte, as she nibbled
this and tasted that in her embarrass-
ment; "them folks over there don't
pay more'n we do, and you are goose
to be afraid
IN poem published in the Post yes
terday, the intelligent compositor
made the types say that the "farmer"
was "full and not the "farm," as it
was written. The Intelligent compost
tor probably judged the farmer by him
self.-BostOn Post.
A BIG brown bear at the Black Hills
found and ate bushel of salt with great
gusto. An hour later he was seen at the
bank of the creek, assidiously drinking,
and occasionally raising his head to look
upstream and see If the supply of water
was likely to hold out
PEOPLE who live remote from the sea-
shore can make good artificial clam by
rolling piece of soap III sand and ashes
and eating it when it is about half cool.
This is rather better than the real clam,
but it will give the inlanders an approx
mate idea of the luxury.
$50 far as the choice of death is con-
cerned, said DIR. Collyer in his Sunday
sermon, we are all like the poor fellow
who preferred to be hung on goose
berry bush, and expressed perfect will
Ingness to wait until it grew large
enough for the purpose. "
WHEN q fellow gets a letter for his
vile out of the postof1ice and he forgets
to give it to her for week or so, the
safest way of letting her have it is to tie
it on the end of long fishing pole and
poke it through window to her
kentucky State Journal.
A MAN had three sons. One could
never find anything. The father got him
appointed detective. The second could
never learn to spell. This one he sent
to learn the art of printing. The third,
being color blind, the father made
painter of him. -L0uiSU5lle Courier
journal.
A COLLEGE student, whose father
makes him render an itemized account
of his expenses, received an order from
him to 4" explain how the large sum for
incidentals was spent, and then | can
judge whether you are having enough
fun for your money, for / have been
there, you young scamp.
The president of Tufts College was
recently made happy father, and the
following morning at prayer in the
chapel he introduced this rather ambigu-
GUS sentence: "And we thank Thee, o
Lord, for the succor thou hast given us"
which caused general smile to creep
over the faces of the class.
-
Mr.. f. L. CASEY, of Madison, Ind. writes:
. | was completely broken up with rheumatism,