The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1883-04-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

What is the matter with Jersey All the
young ladies want new one.
Green apples will soon be here, but in
the meantime the small boy can continue
playing with the toy pistol.
Although we have q new Postmaster
General it is believed that Frank will still
keep his head and Hatton.-Oil City Der
ick.
One egg day is about the best hen can
do. She has no idea OF having anything
laid over for the next day.-N. o. Picayune
Patent medicines are now made that viii
cure every thing except hams Burlington
Clipper. Sorry TO hear that you are incur
able.-[Someryille Journal.
"Young man. you shouldn't waist your
time in that MANNER" exclaimed Angel,nas
mamma. as she spied Johns arm encircling
the young lady's torm.-TSomeryille Jour
nal.
The way to effectualy stop an amateur
flute-player is to waylay him some night
and knock out his teeth. 1t is the surest
wav, and is less Objectionable than murder.
Howell Citizen.
When you have on your worst clothes
Won never get a sphere of mud on them.
But when you have on your best, and don :
know how you could replace them IN case l
accident you are sure to sit on paint.-lPucg'
The New York Graphic prints picture
of the Emperor and Empress OF Austria
washing the feet OF the poor II that Is
one of the duties of the ruler of that coun-
try, we shall never 90 to Austria and run
for Emperor.-Norr. Herald.
When YOU see a well-dressed young
couple walking through fashionable thor
oughfare, carrying handsome Russia
leather yalse don't imagine they are about
to elope. BE more charitable, and conclude
they are young married couple trying to
live cheap in one room, and carrying nome
provisions to cook over the gas,-IPuck.
"Why, you little wretch" exclaimed
New York mother, the other day, upon
hearing her twelve-year-old son use some
yery vigorous, full-grown language, and
saw him converting an old stocking into a
sand-club: "this comes of connecting Chica-
90 with New York by telephone. All our
children will be ruined now, sure. Nor
ristown Herald.
Showing how easy 10 is 10 DC funny Al
the passengers in the street car on Boston
avenue were very much annoyed by CRY. .
ing child, and one old gentleman appeared
to be particularly exasperated. GO won.
der what little wootsy -tootsy IS crying
abous, - said the mother, dancing the infant
up and down. al know what he Is crying
about. He has been crying about six
blocks, ever since you got into the car -
Texas Siftings.
1t takes an Irishman to turn compli-
ment. When he saw Jones alter having
met tho latter with Mrs j., Pat McF'lanerty
said ''Yp are mooch younger thai your
wife SURF" Presently he met the wife and
remarked THE ioea OF SIGH young
woman marrying Misther Jones The
next dAy be met them both together, but
be wasn't at loss for blarny. OCH he
exclaimed, I'VE are both Of yez too young
for each other. "-BOston Transcript,
A sponge bath is considered very fine
thing. We know yonng man IN boarding
house this side of High Bridge who re-
Gently, at the advice Of a friend, went out
and purchased a sponge about the size OF a
plug hat and hung IL mp on bis door. The
next morning he took his first and last
sponge bath. This is the reason II was bis
last As he applied the sponge pretty hard
he fancied that he was sitting down upon
two miles Of hornet stings covered with red
pepper. And this IL the reason the sponge
felt so: The afternoon before the laDdlady
went up stairs sud used that sponge 20
wash the dog, ard the dog bad Just been
ont in the back lot rolling on a pile OF
gravel and broken glsss.-Puck.