Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1883-04-07
Saturday Smiles.

Why is young man like kernal Of corn?"
asked young lady. Because" said another
The turns white when he pops"
'Take care of the useful, and the beautiful
will take care OF itself" This is what the fond
and numerous father remarked when he mar
ried off his ugliest daughter first.-Puck
The papers are publishing picture of Freddie
Gebhardt among the 'sclf-made men," This is
probably because Freddie has made an ass Of
himself
A Connecticut woman has sold out her MILL
merry shop and opened saloon. She concluded
that supplying women with head gear was
neither as pleasant nor as profitable as fitting
men with night caps.
A RBCEIPT.-Lilly NJ. S., Monmouth. Illinois:
"Would you be so kind as to give me receipt
for baked plum pudding?" Certainly. Lilly,
certainly. Send on your baked plum pudding,
and we'll send you a receipt for it by return
mail Could you send three cent stamp to
cover postage?
B. Franklin says: Time is an herb that
cures all diseases" Franklin evidently didn't
know much about "yarbs," and was not at
the head of the class in spelling, if he was
printer. Thyme is an herb. but not being a
patent medicine, it will not cure all diseases
The Imp.
doctor. can't you tell me what's the matter
with him?" asked an anxious mother, whose son
was undergoing a medical examination.
"Humor in the blood" replied the DOCTOR ~
knowed 1t. l told him not to read funny papers,
but he would do it, and the first thing he knows
it will strike his brain and kill him."
A Scotch person said, somewhat sarcastically,
OF hard drinker, that che put an enemy in his
mouth to steal away his brains, but that the en-
envy, after a thorough and prOtracted search re-
turned without anything"
A little boy being asked If he was dux of his
class, replied: ~ am where the head of the class
used to be, but the teacher has turned the class
round"
The best fre-escape is when your wife gets up
In the morning and makes it.
"Sam," said jolly. fat darkey to his compan-
ion. as they sat on the dock fishing for fioun-
dsrs, why am desc we're suckers like our Con-
'Kase dey tink demselves smart?" suggested
Sam.
go way wild yer nonsense. It's kase dey is
80 fond oh de bait," was the answer
bachelor and spinster. who had been
schoolmates In youth and were about the same
age, met in after years. and the lady CHANGING
to remark that ''men live a great deal faster
than women" the bachelor replied: Eyes, Ma
ria; the last time we met we were each twenty
four years old; now I'm over forty, ana hear
you haven't reached thirty yet' They never
met again.
II you want to find logician. 60 to your
tailor. The other day one of these fractions of
n. /
never ask gentleman for money" "But sup
pose he doesn't pay you, what then?" "Weil,
II he doesn't pay me within reasonable time
conclude he is not gentleman-and then ask
him."-The Judge.
gentleman admires charming woman over
whose head the swarms of seventeen-year To-
Gusts have passed at least thrice. But saw"
says one of his friends, ''she's very charming, I
wrinkled." :'Wrinkled!" echoes the chiyairous
lover. mo, sir. There may be the indelible
Impressions Of smile upon her face here and
there, but that is ALL"
First woman-But, Of course, there is no way
OF getting at her age! Second woman-Oh, yes,
there is! Multiply it by two!
1t cast gloom over the entire assemblage,
when, at a Dallas church fair, the minister's son
walked up to the grab-bag and prize cake table,
and asked that the game be explained to him
before he bought any chips.-Atldnta Constitu-
ton.
There was servants ball at the Angel. and
Mary Jane went. Pretty early In the evening
she fiounced in with an inf1amed countenance.
"Why, Mary Jane, ," said the missus. ''surnly it's
not all over YETI" mo, mum, but I've been In
suited! As was comm out of the supper the
bakers young man he says to me, I hope, miss,
says he, your programs not quite tull, and me
that had eaten hardly anythink!"
A nice young man thought he had found some
thing pure and fresh in the shape Of a laughing
little witch Of a girl, and was on the point Of
proposing marriage, when she scattered his
fond hopes to the winds by remarking one eve
ming, "YOu hug and kiss me more than any
gentleman l am acquainted with, except Bill
Wallace; and he is baggage-smasher, and
comes here only once month"
A lady of mature age is consulting her lawyer
about instituting proceedings for divorce:
~ perceive" says the lawyer "you wish to
obtain q separation because Of his cruelty"
81 wouldn't have minded so much being
beaten" sobs the lady. '.if he had beaten me in
an ordinary manner, but he didn't-the scoun-
drel didn't sir, he used to thrash me with"
"Wlth7 Compose yourself, my dear mad
ame"
lGN,<l MN mar 6oar arof hushand,a canaln