The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-02-23
WIT AND HUMoR.

breakfast.
Dolls for little girls, dolmans for their
big sisters.
The presiding officer OF a caucus is
called the chair because everybody likes
to "sit down on him."
The man who arrived at the station
moment too late for the train had a
splendid car-rcar before him.
II we cant be sublime, let us be some
thing il isn't every one who knows
how to be ridiculous gracefully.
People who fish for compliments do
not need long lines. They will get their
best bites in shallow water.
Look to your fire escapes. In other
words settle your debts and pay your
pew rent.
About The safest why 10 spcnd the
ntght1at aWcsteFn hotels TO stand out
on the steps md have q porter to play
the hose on you till morning
"A man who wants TO find out his
work nowadays has only to disappoInt
the hopes Of q woman OF liberal IDEAS"
That's what Fleming says.
In what respect do time and a mule
resemble one anotherp In the fact that
Il Is better to be ahead Of both time and
a mule than behind either Of them.
The inaugural address Of Gov. O'Neal,
Of Alabama, contained a sentence Of
200 words. No clew to the woman who
wrote II has been obtained.
We do not care whether the French
Danish Prince Napoleon or not As he
knows no English, no can't come over
here and lecture.
Mrs, Langtry told st. Louis reporter
that she was rs years Of age. Some
people, il will be remembered, are born
on the goth Of February.
An Indiana man has trapped thirty
eight crows within year and set each
one loose with bell on It's neck. The
crows are much tinkled over il.
To stand on ones head is the most
difficult feat one can perform ON the Ice,
and yet the new skater always tries to
do t.Meto Orleans Rcayane.
The following lines are sung by the
children In a Mormon Sunday school:
"a loving band of children, we're all to Zion
bound,
For our father loves our mothers. every one
and all around"
The New York Commercial Adver-
tiser suddenly remarks that: THE man
who bangs his hair hasn't enough
sense to blow out his brains, even II he
possessed any"
The Nashville american saws the
South needs 10000 cooks. Boston has
one, and thinks that is enough. Perhaps
the Rev. Francis Josephus could be In
duced to emigrate,
A Syracuse young lady has peculiar
mode Of reckoning time on SUNDAY.
Last Sunday evening, when asked what
time It was, she replied, Five minutes
of Smith"
Ii you can get one towel out OF one
yard of cloth, how many towels can YOU
get out of two yardsP That depends al.
together on how many there are on the
clothes line.
When you see Sour-faced woman
sitting ashes on her sidewalk, 1t Is diff.
cult to tell whether she loves the human
race or hates the new carpets of her
next-door neighbor.
A Philadelphia paper says that coffee
is failure in Ceylon. This Is travelling
a long Ways to get an item which could |
have been furnished by any ordinary |
",l-',
"Orpheus, when he played, made
he rocks come up, and his powers seems
% have descended to great many pop
llar singers. You have to come up with
he rocks if you want TO hear them.
Oliver Wendell Holmes says that
here is nothing in tho world tenderer
han the pity that kind-hearted young
,irl has for ayoung man who feels lone.
y Oliver should have felt of the young
mans head making this statement.
A station master in India telegraphed
100 miles to the central authorities:
Tiger jumping about or platform.
Tease telegraph instructions. It seems
hat there are some discomforts that
abroad men in America do not enjoy.
The remark Of the pious Eueas, the
lassic exclamation, "Horresco refer
MS ~ shudder to relate"-is sun.
osed to be the prototype of the modern
IMPRESSIONS, II should litter to ejacu.
ate" etc.
A Chicago policeman who calls citi-
en- liar can be knocked down and
ave no case on account Of the position
g holds They do everything in that
lty to encourage an Industrious resi-.
ent.
A Philadelphia paper observes that ,
lark Mills succeeded In passing him. .
'lf OIL on Congress as q sculptor. You
nm pass most anything on Congress
hen there Is q chance to chisel out
ID.
They are trying to pick out the hand.
'mest man in the Massachusetts Legis,
'ture, but every time tho committed
ak in every man FUCKERS up his mouth
nd draws down his left eye so very,
'ettily that no decision can be arrived
T. Detroit Free Press.
At a teachers institute recently held.
distinguished professor promulgated 4
Q doctrine that when addressing a
hool tho teacher should always stand
Fright with one finger along tho seam
Nt,.,.s N.