National Republican., 1883-05-03

Loom up toward a smiling sky in splendor grand
but rough.
For this is moving time, alas and every happy
hope
OF married men is blasted by the scent of scrub.
bling soap
Commercial Advertiser.
MAY-DAY song of the oyster, "Here we Z
againp'
A MAN in England has been fined for biting
OF the tails Of two dogs. He must be something
OF wag Post Express.
WILD and wicked western paper is im-
PEELED to assert that the coming coronation OF tho
cEar looks as though II might result in n coronera-
ton. 7e1tt ndt ~ iiaTf
AREcENT decision in an Illinois court de-
nies that snoring, however loud and obnoxious,
isa valid ground for divorce. They are growing
conservative out west.
EACH pic at the Russian coronation Is to
weigh, 1t is said, three quarters of a pound How
ever, this may come from the steamship compa.
nies, who will say almost anything to attract
American passengers Courier journal.
II HAF only Won brice for my goots," said
one OF our "clodink" merchants to a customer
the other day, aud then In an aside to his head
clerk he added, with wink "and dot vas te
brice he Is willing to gif"-Cinctnnad SATURDAY.
Night
1T is estimated that the queen will not be
able to stand on her feet unasssted before a fort
night. This must be very annoying at this season
OF the year, when spring house cleaning &C.,
nave got to be done. In such an emergency we
don't suppose Wales is worth the giant powder TO
blow him up.-Post- Express.
TRANSLATED from the Omnibus PASTOR
why weep you, dear womang Frau" Look
you, Mr. Pastor my husband who before four
years to America emigrated, is an ungrateful fel.
lowP' Pastor" Indeedi How so then?" Frau
Look you here writes no to me shall also
thereovercome and tho both children with bring,
the bothl have indeed now four P--Courtcr.
Journal.
SIX Algerian engineers, who have been con-
suited by NJ dc Lesseps ON the inland sea scheme
report that the cutting could be made within fiyo
years, at cost Of $50 100000. An average width of
80 or 100 feet would be sufficient as tho current
would widen the canal: and since IL would be
nearly In straight line. the navigation would be
ueVoid OF difhcuty. A vast tract OF country lack
ing only moisture to become very productive.
would thus be brought under cultivation.
THERE is Connecticut doctor who takea
his worsted work with him as diversion while
| riding The Commercial Advertiser secs in this a
suggestion OF chance for dudes to distinguish
| themselves, Lot each OF those dainty darlInva
stand on tho street corners, In front of hotels
with piece of perforated cardboard and skein
| of variegated worsted, and the world will not
pass them by unheeded. We would suggest as a
motto for them to work, 4" God Give Us Brains.p
"MR. KATE" says a Philadelphia paper.
us an accomplished lingust, speaking several
languages with ease and fuency" We have
heard members OF his family on the back fence,
and have no doubt as 10 the ease or huency with
| which they indulge their linguistic accomplish.
| ments Wo never were able to understand any of
tho languages in which they are SO proficient, and
no respectable paper would care to publish the
| language which their performance calls forth
from the audience Boston Transcript.
DIscovERY is said to have been made by
| the Old Testament revisers. The word "rb"
used in describing the creation of Eve, ought
more correctly TO be rendered "tail." 1t has been
said that woman was created. not from mans
head to be above him, nor from his feet to be
beneath him, but from his side, to be his helm
meet aud coequal The Post Express is afraid that
| II this new theory is correct that Eve was made
from tail Instead Of rib IL would look as though
woman was created TO bo sat down upon.
THIS, from the Detroit Free Press, has n
| suggestion In II: gentleman at the theater sits
behind alady who wears very big hat Excuse
| me, madame, but unless you remove your hat
can sec absolutely nothing" Lady ignores him,
EXCUSE me, madame, but unless you remove
your hat something unpleasant will happen"
Lady ignores him again. Gentleman puts on his
| own hat. Loud cries from the audience: "Take
| OF that bat!" Take Off that hat p Lady thinks
they mean her hat, and removes It, "Thank you,
madame"
THOSE good people who hold the belief, so
reproachful TO the STAGE that an actors chances of
success are improved in proportion 10 the scandal
with which he is mixed up, may have to change
their minds. The disclosures about Osmond
Tearle led TO tho withdrawal of the play in which
| he the leading In XnrL ana, ,yho
Do Belleyille was shown up as a woman dccever
Manager Palmer, of the Union Square theater in
dicated TO him that 1t would be better for him to
resign at once, which he did. He was not allowed
any time at ALL but left the boardsa couple of days
after the scandal became known.
THE story is being whispered around that
| some time ago-months, not years-an eminent
Boston philosopher felt the need Of wife, pre-
| sumably TO comfort his declining years. Choosing
among his lady acquaintance rather bright
woman, possessed OF considerable property, and
the one who tells this story, he offered himself 10
| her. The lady was presumably surprised at any
rate she refused him decidedly, and, as she
| thought finally, He however, persisted In his
wooiug so manfully and 80 vigorously that In des-
| peration she told him that If he would cease TO
press his suit she would give him $1,000" and he
| took II.
The wise man of the New Orleans Picayune
| Wrltes' newport IL the uuueS summer reB0rt....
1t is the under current that catches II in Jelly "
Common sense in politics would be the same
thing as REFORM 80. Maurice Vignaux is true to
his billiard cue. His motto: " In vino vertas'
1.-The coal dealer should always throw his
weight In favor Of the poor widow, =. The affec-
ton Of English children for an elephant has gone
from Jumbo by lingo. The world is progressing.
Lawyers, even, can now go fishing and say thoy
caught nothing. ,. The really smart man knows
great many things, and is shrewd enough to guess
at the rest. =. The original Moses was only al
lowed TO view the promised land on which he
had located his scrip....The Boston Advertiser
thinks Shakespeare has furnished enough stock
quotations to have been broker.
SOME thirty years ago great dramatic hit
was made by Frank Chanlrau In the character OF
Nose, the original of which was buried in New
York Monday. The type has entirely disappeared,
and the younger men OF to-day can form no con-
ception of It, In the days of hand fire engines,
the machine" was the idol of class of men
who were noted for their courage. simple hearted
ness, vulgarIty and swagger. Tho swagger Of
Nose was peculiar, and when he disappeared 1t
passed away We have before us picture of this
character, who was once Of more importancein
New York than president. He has a tall "pug"
hat red shirt black trousers rolled In broad rolls