Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-11-28
PLEASANTRlES.

F1ttSOUTg Lete9T0p1.
"WHBRE did the continental costume
originated? asked q Milton sohoolboy;
''didn't they take their queue from the
Chinese g? '-lfiItOn Nc1U8.
MY dear, said wife to q rich out
llliterate husband, CT want $780,"
What fur ?" be inquired. "Seal-skin
fur, " she said, and she gotis.-Mercbnrat
Traveller.
PROFANITY may not be characteristic
of the royal family, but some breezy
day you ought to go out in the kitchen
and hear the queonsWeaf. Huntington
H0Ukeye.
ONE of the'first things a new railroad
acquires is deficit. We don't know
what it is used for, but its part of the
equipment the first year.-Ba4rLington
H0a0kege.
WHEN certain English author was
asked to the house of an American lady
of advanced opinions ''to meet some
minds at tea" he declined the profered
hospitality On the ground that he was
engaged to meet some stomachs at din
| ner.
| A sOAP-BUBBLE competition is the lat
est method of raising money st church
fairs. Ten cents is the entrance fee, and
the person making the most bubbles in
five minutes gets the prize, provided he
and the bubbles have not burst to-
gether.
| A MAGAZINE writer asks: Chow shall
we utilize the Indlans?" This is diff
| ticult question to answer, but perhaps
the best plan would be to petrify them
and sell them for cigar store signs. This
idea is worth consideration anyhow
Norr&8tOoOn Herald.
A FABLE: The landlord Of q summer
resort was once set upon in lonely
| place by q highway robber. As soon,
| however, as the landlord made known
his business the highwaymen extended
the usual courtesies to the trade and
they parted friends. burlington Free
| Press.
IT is announced that George G. Min
played Hamlet at Emporia, Kansas, to
'the largest and most fashionable audi
ence of the season" 1t did not seem to
detract from the merit of the perform
ance when, " at the close OF the second
act there were Yociterous calls for the
author of the piece"
A BRIGHT Springfield boy whose pa
rents were discussing at the breakfast
table the many and expensive gifts at
wedding the previous evening, mastered
| the wedding present business pretty
sensibly by excIaimlng: So Why, father,
such wedding would pay expenses
pretty well, wouldn't itP +"
THE girl from st. Louis read: ''There
is destiny that shapes our ends, rough
=" and here she paused and exclaimed:
" Rough! Well, should say go. Rough
is no name for it. It's just too mean for
anything" and catching up q table
cloth, she threw it over her feet and
burst into tears. -E'rcba1ge.
A LADY in Toronto got to laughing
over some amusing incident and could
not stop. Finally doctor was called in,
and ne could not quiet her, and she
might have died laughing if a telegram
had not arrived just then saying that her
husbands mother was coming on ashort
visit. Philadelphia CtzJl.
MONTAGUE who is now deceased,
We believe-said: "There is no tor
ture that woman would not suffer to
enhance her beauty" But we don't be-
lieve a woman would suffer the torture
of seeing her husband come to the op-
era with a strange lady, when he told
her, az he left the house liz the evening
that be would be down at the Office I'M
til midnight and she need not wait up
for him. Not more than once.-NOT-
TiStOaU9a Herald.
A MEMBER of the English House of
Commons, who had been paying atten-
ton to young lady for a long while,
had taken her to attend the house until
she was perfectly posted up in its rules.
On the last day of the season as they
came out he bought her bouquet, say
ing: 60 May [ offer you my handful of
flowers 2" Promptly she replied, 81
move to amend by emitting ali after the
word hand" He blushingly accepted
the amendment, and they adopted it
unanimously.
A SACRAMENTO woman only 70 years
of age has Just been married for the fifth
time. 1t is all right in state where
there arn't enough Of them to go round,
but how she would be hated-the mean
thing-in Massachusetts, for instance,
where women are as plentiful IS black
berries in August or lies IN the heat of
the political campaign. Boston Tran
script.
OF course the following anecdote has
not the slightest reference to the judi
ciary of our own noble land, but to the
institutions of justice in Central Africa.
A lawyer met the judge on the street,
and failed to pay him that difference to
which he thought himself entitled.
" Young man, / fine you SIS for con-
tempt of court, sad the irate Judge.
g Why, Judge, was the quickresponse,
''you are not in session. The Judge
drew himself to his full height and re-
piled: "Young man, this court is al
ways in session, and consequently al
ways an object of contempt"
A GENTLEMAN was sitting On the decko
6 Citizens Line steamer a few evenings
ago, carelessly whiting the smoke from
his cigarette. As the steamer was
leaving the deck young man saun-
tered up and requested light for the
cigar he held in his hand. The smok-
ers entered into conversation. As they
were passing by the iron works the cigar
cite consumer warmed up in his praises