The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-11-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

elevated line says there is at least one
great advantage-he never gets beyond
his station.
love thy neighbor AS thyself," sang
the wife to her husband dear. IL will!
she's bewitching elf!'' was his answer
cool.
An enterprsing reporter, writing of a
wreck ut sea, stated that no less than
fourteen of the unfortunate crew and
passengers bit the dust.
The water-cartman sits high aloft
on his jostling perch. glancing now and
anon at the sky for signs of q rain that
will give him a day of.
When the dog gets after the boy in
Il melon-patch and there are no trees
handy he sings: "Oh. for the garden
wall"
Two young ladies who had a quarrel
concluded to kiss and make up. The
kissing process was of short duration.
but it required nearly two hours for
them to make up"
Soyer, the great French cook. used to
chew garlic and breathe on a salad to
give it flavor. In America the boarders
chew the salad awhile and then 90 TO
headquarters and blow on the cook.
The City Marshal of Dodge City, Kan
sas, will be a candidate for reelection;
and bases his claim upon the fact that
he has killed cowboy at distance of
800 yards.
A Georgia Justice of the Peace told a
granger that the code allowed him So
for marrying couple. "Well," said
the newly made bridegroom, "here is
ST.; that will make you three"
A young correspondent complains
that there are too many lawyers in the
country" Oh, no. my boy, there aren't
half too many lawyers. There aren't
half enough clients. that's all.
Glove contests are not unknown to
the fair sex. Did you ever see a young
lady putting on a tight pair of kids
while the last bell is tolling for church,
Sunday morning?-Rome Sentinel.
"Well, may hope. then, dearest.
that at some time l may have the hap
pness of making you my wife?" Yes,
/ hope 50, | am sure" she replied, 81
am getting tired of suing fellows for
breach of promise.
The quantity of beer produced in the
United States last year averaged more
than fourteen gallons for every inhabi-
tant of the country. Somebody has
played Il wretched mean trick on us
then. burlington Free Press.
The cry about cigarettes being I'M
healthy is all foolishness. There is no
strength in the tobacco of which they
are made. All the strength has been
taken out by the chewers of the tobacco
before it is made up into cigarettes.
Il know" said little girl to her
elder sisters young man at the supper
table. ''that you will join our society
for the protection of the little birds, be-
cause mamma says You are very fond OF
larks."
The German citizen teaches us that
the acquisition of fortune is possible
without the incessant striving that shat
ters both mind and body. and that rea-
sonable rest is quite compatible with
remunerative industry. brooklyn Ea-
gle.
Is it girl? 1t is girl. What funny
clothes she wears. Yes, that is the style.
Does she belong to circus? Oh, no,
she is only member of lawn tennis
club. What queer shoes she has on.
They are not shoes. What are they?
They are liver pads.
Discarded lover: Yes, l felt terribly
when she Tilted me-" Same (after a
pause and sighing): ''And, do you
know, l had hardly begun to pay her
attentions when l learned through
book-keeper in bank that she had
$500, 900 on deposit in her own right"
The Ocean Steamer-T The wrong man:
''Will you be kind enough, sir, to in
form me, sir, the location of No. ASP"
s.TaEe two turing and half hitch. let
go the weather ntain brace, clew mp yer
tgallant stay sail, port yer helm. and
ask the man at Riie wheel" Thanks.
life.
He was looking for the cashier. and
asked the paying teller if Mr.. Blank
was in. ''GOne TO the Springs was the
reply in the terSe manner and courte.
Gus tones usual to bank, hotel and va
rious other kinds of clerks. "How much
is it?' asked the visitor. The teller
didn't seem to catch on.-!Sdn Erancis-
co Post.
The wish TO please. '.Oh! how do
you do, my dear Miss Robinson? So
glad to see YOU looking so we'll! BY the
way, how lovely you looked at my
dance last Wednesday,! Everybody was
asking who you were, l assure you"
81? II wasn't there! l had n bad
cold and sore throat, you know
Punch.
College students don't please as table
walters. When you call one q miSera-
BILE jackass for splitting the soup down
your back and giving you 4 salt-cellar
filled with sugar. he of course can't
answer back, as it is against the rules
of the hotel, but he can say something
to another waiter i'm Greek which you
can't understand, but which you feel
sure is horrible abuse of yourself, and
it's awful maddening.
The proverbial wit of our citizens of
African descent and their skill in taking
collection were shown again last Sun
day at a camp-meeting near this city,
says the Christian AdU0cate. A sister,
in exhorting the friends to make a lib
eral contribution said: There's been
a heap of trouble about trade dollars.
You that has had 'em refused elsewhere
need have no fears here. brow them
in the basket. They won't be refused!'
"Now l lay me down to sleep. pray
the Lord my soul to keep" sleepily re-
peated u little Dracut girl after
her mother one night not long ago.
Then she stopped. '.lf-if-," her
mother suggested. The little one hest
tated a moment, half opened her heavy
eyelids. and then continued, pausing
long between the words: If had
-cow--iha gave such--milk--
I'd dress her in-the---iinest
silk. Amen"
A gentleman was walking along the
sidewalk and two young men in the
street were playing ball. One threw
the ball wide and it hit the gentleman
with terrific force back of the ear, max
ing him think he was slain. TheyOung
man who threw the ball came up to
him and apologized. He said: "Fm
mighty sorry il hurt you; but it's my
luck you were there. Ii you hadn't
been, the ball would have broken q
pane of glass IN the basement window"
= Boston Post.
Two anecdotes from London CORES