The weekly Union times. [volume] (Union C.H., South Carolina) 1871-1894, 1883-06-29
nestle Gsonomp literature pola Current alews Of Dag
NUMBER 26.

GETTING MS MoNEY's WoaTu.--A
man, a Iittic tophcavy, says ,he New York
World, rushed into'a Sixth aveuuc tcic.s
graph Office, seized telegraph blank
and stub pen with ball Of dried ink on
the end and, by proppiog himself against
the counter, managed to write the following
message:
"Katc won't be home till morning.
HARRY"
What II that cost p said the man, hand
ing the message through the portfolio to tho
manipulation of electricity.
"Let mo see - Seven wcrds-I5 cents"
"Fifteen, ch ! How much for ten words ?"
"The same price; anything not exceed,
ing ten will cost you Is cents 10 any ad-
dress in this city," answers the operator,
making spring to muzzlc an instrument
that was sputtcring as if it had dclrium
trcmcns.
"1m, bound to have tho worth Of my
money out Of your corporation, thcp," said
ter as he traced on blank this clear mcs-
sage:
"Incomprehcnsibilty, manufacturers,
transccudentalism, ConstaEtiuoplo, concuvo-
co lvex, Massachusetts, assassination, Penn
sylvania, impccturbability, philoprogentivc-
ness"
"Thcre, string that on your wire aud
send her at 2.4O gait" said the man, with
look Of vcngcanccssiu his eye.
The operator counted the words, but VOL
untccrcd the information that there was no
sense in the message, and that tho diction-
ary must have becn ransacked for the longest
words.
81 know there's no sense in it, but Kate'lI
understand it all the same. She'll know
I'm on a drunk anyway when send mes
sage at this hour, whether it's sonse or not.
1 made 'em long, on purposcsto break tho
back of your darncd machine. Shovel 'cm
in and start the crank. I'm in for good
time. Never mind tho expense. Here's
your Is cents" And the man ran out
and hailed passing cab.
---~S---
TIE BAD Boy IN New RoLE.-"Say,
did l tell you about pa and ma having
trouble ?" said tho bad boy to the grocery
man. Il S.. ,ss.iS 80 y
mo. what's the row 2 8
We'll, Son SEQ, ma wants to ooononiizc
pan III, and PA mas uccU gorrray thin
ner since he quit drinking and reformed,
and have kept on growing until am big
ger than he is. Funny, amt it, that a boy
should be bigger than his pa? Pa wanted
new suit of clothes, and ma said she would
fix him, aud so she took one of my old
suits and made it over for pa, and he wore
them week before he knew it WIS an old
suit made over, but one cay he found q
handful OF dried up augo-worms in the
pistol pocket that had forgot when was
fishing, and pa laid tho anglc.worms to ma
and ma had to explain that she made over
one Of my old suits for pa. lie was mad and
took them off and threw them out tho back
window, and sworc he would rcvcr humil-
late himself by wearing his sons old clothes.
Ma tried to reason with him, but no was
awful worked up and said he was no old
charity hospital. and he stormcd around to
fiud his old suit Of clothes, but ma had sold
them to !laster of paris image poddlcr,
and pa hadn't anything to wear, and he
wanted ma to go".-t-ia the alley and pick
up the suit he threw out tho window, but
the ras man had picked them up and was
going away, and pa he grabbed linen
dustcr and put it on and went out after tho
.aSpicker, and be run and pa after him, and
the rag man told a policeman there was an
escaped lunatic from the asylum, and he
was chasing people all owe: the city,
and the policeman took pa by the
linen ulster and pulled it off, and he was
sight when they took him to the police
station. Me and me had to go down and
bail him out, and the police len. us tar~
pauin to put over pa, anI we got him
home, and be is wearing his summer pants
while the tailor makes him new pair Of
clothes think pa is too cXcilablr and
too particular. never kicked on wearing
pas old clothes, and think he ought to
wear mine now. Well, | must 80 down to
the swcctcnci wind factory and jerk Soda"
and the boy went out and hung up, sign
in front Of the store : "spinago Greens,
that the cat has made a nest of over Sun.
ay."-Itch'S SIN.