National Republican., 1883-01-22

His hair was long and his legs were short,
His body was fat and round;
His head was shaped like peanut she'll
His voice had wheezy sound.
No razor had ever touched his floe,
No water had solled his hands
No style had he-no collar-no tie
No strings in his old brogans.
With airy grace he approached the maid,
And bent the adorlng knee.
And then old Towser e "sicked" him sore,
Aud old Muller danced with gloe.
And as the dog got in his work
The old man sang this song;
"No crank in the land shalt have my Maud
Till the dogs back teeth arc gone"
WASHINGTON, Jan. 21, 1883.
MISSISSIPPI has forty pistols to every plow.
ONE hundred and two widows vegetate in
the little village of Woodbury., Conn.
THE gentleman called Billy tho Kid had
but nine lives, and there are only two of them
left.
THERE is said to be in a graveyard in Penn
sylvania a tombstone inscribed, "NIethuselah
| Smith, aged year."
IN DIanatee county, Fla, they ure eating
watermelons, which are plucked from their
patches when wanted.
THE new governor of Illinois is an Ohio
man, and was corporal in the army. Private
Dalzell should take heart.
LIFE has no charms for the poor clerk whose
salary Is mortgaged three months ahead to pay for
his wie's fur lined circular.
| SON of the late Charles r. Darwin has
evoluted into the chair OF astronomy and exper-
mental philosophy in Cambridge university, Eng
land.
THE Prince of Wales intends making par
son of one of his sons. Amer several years prac-
tice as a Iovivalist the young man may be able to
reform his father.
THIS is tho high season of masking and
rovelry; and the voice Of tho base fiddle is heard
! in the land even from Dan TO Beersheba, espe-
cially Beer-sheba.
INSTEAD of having written on his tomb
stone " He never told lie, the greatest man of
modern times will probably prefer the words " lie
never stole an umbrella"
KING KALAKAUA, whose coronation will
take place on Feb. II next, intends to make an
other tour of the world, this time taking the
queen Of Hawaila with him.
CHEYENNE society is narrowed up over n
question of etiquette, People are divided in opin-
ion rs to which coat. sleeve man should wipe his
mouth with after eating soup.
PATTI likes Chicago, and Chicago has con-
fessed 1t though her papers. That Chicago may
not get too insunGrably airy about II, we may add
that Patti likes any place that pays well.
A PENNSYLVANIA paper makes the an-
nouncement that 1t is going to be fashionable
next summer for young ladies to stay at home
and help their mothers with the washing.
A GEORGIA photographer ADVISES people
living in the country that. as smallpox is about to
strike, they should bring In tho whole family to
have their pictures taken before 1t is too late.
THE Pittsburg Dispatch appears to think the
weather inclined to favor Canada 3 stormy petrol
Virgins. OF course Virgins will have to get the
credit for every storm that comes along now until
the end of March.
A REPORTER describes tho Marquis of
Lornc us a short, heavy-sct scotchman, appar-
emily about 35 or 40 years off age He is full faced
with few struggling hairs on his upper lip not
likely to be mistaken for mustache.
THE stomach will often put up with moro
poison than other parts of the body. Cincin-
natl man got some beer froth into his sore finger
and had to have the digit amput ated. He had
put barrel or more into his stomach without
damage.
Col. SNowDEN, OF the Philadelphia mint,
has an eye TO beauty. The Goddess of Liberty
with which he has adorned tho new flvo-cent
pieces is very pretty, and wears patent medicine
smile almost as soothing as that Of tho famous
Lydia Plnkham.
AN Ohio newspaper, calling the attention of
its readers to n column of minor items tortures
the letter in this manner; "Postprandial Per-
sonalities and Pecullarites Peccadilloes, Proba-
biltIos and Possibilities, Picked upand Pungently
Presented by Penny Post Pencil Pushers."
q FAINT-HEARTEDNEss would never have won
the Vicksburg fair lady who refused her sultor
, four times but yielded when he fell on his knees
before her in parlor in the presence of dancing
aud for tha Inn te e,,it
$ She accepted him on the spot and appointed a
1 day for the wedding.
THERE is queer case before court in
Montreal. A church society held fair in the
0 church edihce to raise funds, and now the city
claims the right to tax the building because it has
i been used for profit and not exclusively for di-
vine services. A good many churches would come
undert The assessment ban were this rule generally
applied.
h Mr.. BERGH complains Of the poor quality
,. of food given to the dogs of New York. We don't
suppose they get roast beef very oflen, but If they
n lived in the country the probabilities arc that
they would fare still worse Pretty often the rural
CANNES daily meal consists of bite out of a
trAmp's leg, with piece of young mans coat
tail Tor desert.-Norristotcn Herald.
REBEL to the end, Arab, just after the COM
mutation Of his sentence, refused to sign note
prepared by his counsel for signature by all the
prisoners, thanking the khedtve for hisclemency,
U 81 have declared, according to Moslem law" said
he, "that Tewhk pasha has ceased to be khedive
and I cannot recognize him as being so now; but
l will thank the Egyptian government" The
, wording Of the note was accordingly changed.
r. THE strongest man at Granite Corners, N. W
/ isstearns Carpenter who Is now so years old Five
years ago he grasped twenty.four foot iron raj
with each hand and walked Off with them At an
earlier period he shouldered cannon that
weighed 14OO pounds, and the next day lifted Q
O box of iron that weighed 1900, lie used to &c
, around where the neghbors were killing hog
q and when particularly big one was slaughtered
he had habit of twisting his fingers into ils
brstles, lifting the animal or the ground and
guessing at Its weight
LEWISTON, Me-, mourns the death Of an
. eccentric lady who ohewed and ate all kinds o
y books, papers, and magazines. This strange taste
is said to have been hereditary, and the papers in
innate that her parents may have been in the
habit, in their youth, Of chewing paper wads ioi
school house decorations. To those who Lave
q ever experimental in a country newspaper office
II on the potent power possessed by well adjuse
~ paper "dutchman In making W. f. type "lift,'
her, ancestry and the way in which the peculiar
taste may have been transmitted will be nj
mystery