davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-10-25
Hearts which Ache.

There is something grimly humorous
about man having his pocket picked
or his watch lifted, and. although it may
leave him among strangers hundred
miles from home and not a shilling to
turn with, he meets with the same treat
nieIE received by the man who comes
kiOWa ''kerchunk" on an icy corner.
During the present State Fair week vic
Gims have been numerous and comprised
all classes, though the innocent old
farmer has suffered most. When cOun-
try merchant has his wallet lifted he
first gives himself away by calling out,
as soon as the discovery is made:
''Egad! I've been robbed! yes, sir;
I've had my pocket picked of $50.
Yes egad--yes, sir; they've gone
through mer'
About the time people begin to
crowd around him he realizes that the
'<.ioke" will reach his town and be
thrown at him all winter. He also re-
members that there are merchants in
the city whowiH lend him money to get
home on, and he all at once grows mum
and pretends to remember that he left
his money at his hotel
The farmer is stunned by the discoV-
cry that his money is gone. He would
LdJuCIa DCilGNG uC tlO5L III Oub 4C LClLClu-
bers q Jam In which he was pushed
around, and he concludes that a pick
pocket rot his cash. Then he slowly
and solemnly says:
E'By thunder! Well, that's queer
How on airth did he do itP / swan to
gracious if 1 amt left here without a
blamed cent! Thar's 1927 gone as slick
as grease, and mother said it would turn
out that way if 1 came alone. My stars!
but what am to doP" >"
A country Justice was one of the vic
Tins, and as soon as he discovered his
loss he went to policeman and said:
''Say; I've been robbed of twenty-five
dollars
"Well, you should have been more
careful. - -
''But I'm Justice of the Peace
''Well, that didn't save you"
''But I've been a Justice thirteen
years.
That's all right, but you've lost your
money!
Eyes, but I must have it back right
off. I represent the law. The fellow
probably didn't know it, or he wouldn't
have dared feel in my hind pOcketsr'
Another victim was village philoso-
pher. He stood and talked with an
officer fully ten minutes before observ-
ing:
'Wen, I'm not disappointed.
SIN the showP'
mo; in losing my money. Had my
pocket picked of seventeen dollars"
''Did, ehP"
''This is the seventh State Fair for
me, and this the seventh time I've been
robbed. l knew they'd get me if 1
stayed long enough, and here I am with
only four cents to get home on"
''Why didn't you look OutP"
+'Oh, did. A stranger whispered to
me in crowd that chap on the other
side was after my wallet. 1 looked out.
while 1 was looking out the man who
whispered to me got my cash. It's ali
right, thOugh-shows that they took me
for a millionaire. I'll tell the story
over hundred times this winter in
Grigg's grocery, and that'l be worth
the money lost. Say, is there pawn
broker on the groundsP'
''Why, no."
That's great oversight Ought to
have been one right here where we
could have pawned our bull's-eye
watches for enough to get back home
on. Guess I'll look around and see if 1
can't sell ten barrels o. cider and git
four dollars in advance. Free
Press
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-10-25

The fourteen feet long snow-shoes of
''SnOw-shOe Thompson" will be sent to
the Louisville exhibition by H. McKu-
sick, Superintendent of the Railway Mail
Service on the Pacific coast. The shoes
are those built for Thompson, who was
a mail-carrier on the various Sierra Ne
vada routes for many years, and who
died only few years ago. If history
of few of the startling adventures en-
cOuntered by Thompson could be sent
along with the shoes, they would indeed
be an interesting exhibit. One morn
ing when Thompson was resting in a
hut near Hanks station, something
knocked at the door, and, going to open
it, Thompson saw big grizzly. Thomp-
son jumped back and the grizzly waddled
in and gave evidence of his satisfaction
at the prospect of a maiI-carrier for
winters feast. He couldn't get out of
the door, so Thompson jumped up,
caught hold of a crOssbeam, and drew
himself up. The bear camped under
meath and grinned Indignantly, as
though saying: ''Well, old fellow,
you've got to drop down sooner or
later, so here goes to see which one of
us can Outlast the other"
Thompson sat it out all that day and
the following night. There was no use
in crying for help, as none would be
within hailing until spring. He could
not jump down and fight the bear with
his pOcket-knife, his only weapon, and
altogether the case looked pretty des-
perate for the old mail-carrier. His
snow-shOes were leaning from one end
of the cabin to the wall at the other
end, and Thompson finally opened his
knife and dashed it with his scarf, torn
in strips, on one end of one shoe, max
ing formidable lance of it. While the
bear camped under him he could not use
his lance, the cabin not being long
enough. Thompson at last got the ami
NAL outside the door by tossing one of
his stockings out, which the bear
lOunged out to investigate. That got
him far enough to be prodded and
Thompson prepared. When the grizzly
had shifted the bait, it turned round
facing the door, and found itself within
foot of Thompson's lance point. The
old mail-carrier only had foot to draw
back his lance, but ne used it to good
advantage, for carefully drawing it
back, he gave it a sudden lunge forward,
the knife entering the bears brain
through one of its eyes.
When the exhausted mail-carrier
reached Yank's and told his story it
was doubted, although Thompson had
remarkable reputation for truth-telling
among those hardy liars of the noun
tains. There, if you don't believe me,
boys" Thompson said, ''the United
States mail ken wait until my carackter
is yindikated. I'll not leave this place
until some of you doubling lubbers has
gone back thar and brought me a steak
from that thar bar" And it was done.
Yank himself and some of the men
about the station went back on snow
shoes, and Thompson had his dinner of
a steak of the bear he had killed with
hissnowshoe lance.-SGg Francisco Cal.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-10-25
WhistIing as a Fine Art.

A cOlored gentleman, in a tall white
hat, red, white and blue standing collar
and pink shirt bosom, stood on the
Morton House pavement yesterday
afternoon putting a fragrant fve-cent
cigar. The bottom of his jack panta-
looms were strapped under his shoes,
and an enmOrous watch-chain dangled
from his waistcOat. Several persons,
suppOsing him to be a cigar-sign for
sale, examined him critically. Between
purple puffs of smoke he whistled.
us this Mister"
''Ya-as, sab, Mr.. Johnsing. OATS
my name, suah.
'And are you the famous whistler"
''lz'e de pussOn."
Mr.. johnson curled his expansive IN
der lip until it resembled the bio end of
a Broadway gas main, and struck
note that brought out the goose pimple
on the reporters spinal column. Mr..
johnson has been a traveller in his time,
and is known from Maine to Georgia as
the champion ''One-lung whistler of
the United States. He was a soldier in
the war of the rebellion, and carries a
bullet in his left lung. 1t is upon his
right lung, therefore, that he depends
entirely for his bellows power. He has
a blOWing-machine record of three
hundred pounds, and there is no telling
what he might be able to do if his other
lung was in working order
''Did y'ever hear me whistle de Star
Spangled Banner?' -
Cant say"
''Den you nebber hear me or you
nebber would 'spress dat doubt bout
you 'lnembrance. jest you kotch hold
oh dat Orning post fo' couple OBJ
minutes and I'll glib you a couple OBJ
inches of dat tune"
Mr. johnson drew his under lip to-
gether in great folds and began to
whistle. When he reached that part of
the tune which describes the waving of
the banner DER the land of the free,
there was nothing to be seen but the
whites of his eyes. In his enthusiasm
he had elevated himself on his toes,
and the music shot out of the aperture
/ in his under lip with the richness and
volume of church organ. A crowd
| soon collected, but speedily dispersed
when Mr.. johnson indicated his inten-
| ton to pass around the hat.
Oats allus de way" said he, as he
gazed after his auditors with an express
sion of ineffable disgust; ''dere is no
show fo' fust-class artist in dis kentry.
Tell yo' what it is, boss, deman what has
wool on de top Oh his head hab got a
hard row to hoe, and don't you forget
it. Where l was baWn, way down in
Gawjah, deY used to say: Dat boy am
a jlnnyus, an will make his mark,
suah;' but times has changed since den.
TIE only free niggah now, and has to
walk round de streets wild pair of rat
eatin' Chinese doods, maxim fool ob
myself for seven dollars week. "
Were you always good whistler?'
''Boss, I can't member de 'casion
when want able to whistle de har right
off yo' head. I was bawn dat way.
Wunst de parson kicked me out oh
church cause I jined in wild de kewire,
but when some bugglers got in de
church an stole de organ, dey was glad
huff to come round to de house and
say; .Mistah Johnsing, would you 'blige
by comm round and whistlin' de sar-
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-10-25
The Smart Boy.

There are some very smart youths in
the country nowadays. A smart boy
is good thing to have in the family, if
he docs not get too smart for any earth
" use; but when he becomes so full of
his own Importance that he looks upon
his father and mother as old fogies, and
thinks himself insulted if they offer to
restrain him, the best thing they can do
is to take him to the coal shed and adj
minister dose of buggy whip that will
cause him to revere the memory of his
greatest grandmother for seventeen days
and sixteen nights, and as soon as he
begins to show signs of forgetfulness,
the dose should be repeated.
Whenever a boy begins to stay out
nights and neglect his business and for
gets his duty to obey his parents, it is
time to draw line, and the best place
to draw it is across his shoulders or Just
below the fms of his bobtailed coat.
OF course the boy viii interpose numer-
Gus objections to this mode of treat
ment; but the more he objects, the closer
should the rein be drawn. If his par
ents don't teach him the true distinc-
ton between dudeism and gentility,
somebody else will. Some old man,
who remembers how Abraham Lincoln
danced to the music OF an apple tree
sprOut, will conclude that the smart boy
is cut out for President, and viii want
to give him some primary lessons in the
chief executive business, and that boy
will come home with the nose bleed and
a slice of beefsteak on his eye, and wish
he had not been born until all of the
men that remember the incidents of
Lincoln's early life were dead. The
smart boy is all right so long as he
knows who is running the ranch and has
the authority to order a court-martial;
but until that idea is firmly fastened in
the bump on his Uranium, known as
memory" he is like some people we
know of-he wants to be watched pretty
close. The Boomerang.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-10-25

"A town in Nebraska is called Base
ball. Is it built in a diamond field, or
has it only eighteen inhabitants?- Bos,
toll Post.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-10-25

AT Dallas, Tex, when Edward
Thompson asked James Cooper to pay
what he owed him for board, Mr.. Cooper
drew pistol and shot the impertinent
MI. Thompson dead.-Detroit Post.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1883-10-25

Two ostriches in California have
kicked their mates to death. The mules
in that country have q discouraged look
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-25
Foot Washing at Vienna.

Twelve of the oldest lnen and twelve
of the oldest women in Vienna, bearing
good characters and usually belonging
to officers families, are selected to have
their, feet washed by the emperor and
empress, after the command otthe scrip
tures-John XIII, IA. Is. One of the Old
ladies had reached the age Of ninety
two years. The old ladies wore black
dresses, a plain white muslin collar,
falling nearly to the wais. in front;
white caps tied with lavender ribbon,
and over this a sort of sailor hat, placed
far enough back to show the cap border.
The old men wore knee breaches,
black stockings, and shoes tied with
black ribbon; also muslin collars like the
old ladies. After the old people
were seated at the tables, their
friends came forward and loosened their
shoes and stockings preparatory to their
removal by the court ladies and dukes,
their friends again taking their places
behind them. After a long w~aising, the
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-25
A Man VINO Never HAD Teetn.

Montana independently man who
never in his life had a tooth in his jaws
was at one time a resident of Montana.
This fact was brought to the recollection
of an old resident Of this city by seeing a
statement in ar eastern paper that one
of the most wonderful natural %curiosi-
ties of the age is a ten-year-old Georgia
boy who never had any teeth and shows
no signs that he ever will have any. The
man referred to above was sixty years
old and had never had teeth. His name
was Joseph Bearclaw. He wat a resi-
dent of Alder Gulch in 'B4 and '65. AL
though nature failed to supply Mr..
Bearclaw with teeth she tried to make
amends by furnishing him with long,
strong i~nger-nails and toe-nails, which
were almost as hard as bone and fully
al eighth of an inch thick. 1t is not
known whether he got the name Of
Bearclaw from the circumstance or if
that was properly his name, He was
from Illinois, to which state he returned
in '65 or '66.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-25
nlr. Benne. Navigating Alone.

Mr.. Gordon Benefits steam Yacht,
Namouna, has had a very narrow escape
from being totally lost at Villefranche,
1t appears that Mr.. Bennett, having or
dered steam to be got up, put his cap
tain and mate on shore, taking charge
himselfforthe avowed purp ose of show
ing them how to handle q yacht. Steam.
ing out of the harbor Of Vil,efranche.
she all but collided with the French gun.
boat Hyenne; once outside the Mold.
the Namouna was steered straight for
the railway station at Vlllefranche, and
in consequence ran full speed ashore in
a very few moments. fortunately. the
beach where she struck was composed
chiefly of sand; hence after discharginp
some forty tons of coal and stores, she
was got off by some tugboats dispatched
from Nice, apparently without having
sustained any serious damage. The gun
boat Heyenne offered assistance, which,
it is understood, was declined, Mr.,
Bennett stating that he ran the vesse!
ashore for his own amusement.-Lon-
don World.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-25
The Adirondack Consumers.

Rev. w. H. H. Murray, better known
as Adirondack Murray, who recently left
Texas and was preceded by a telegraph
ic despatch which he declared a base
SANDER, was at the Astcr house, New
York city, recently. He appeared to
be in the best of health and spirits after
his trip to the east. When asked how
his lawsuit in reference to his Lumber
property in Texas was advancing, he
laughed and replied, "oh, that getting
along oil right; it will take about six
months before it is satisfactorily set
tied. don't want to talk about it. /
don't want to be interviewed about nv
thing. This interviewing is the curse Of
Journalism in America. | believe it is
only a naturalization of the sewing So
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-25

Emperor, Empress, dukes, and court
ladies, who were to assist iii the cere-
mony, appeared amid the general upris-
ing Of the people. The Emperor took
his place at the head of the old gentle
mems table, the Empress at the head OF
the old ladies' table. Four courses OF
food were brought and placed before
these old people, four plates to each
course for each person. The food was
brought by chamberiains on wooden
trays, served OH ommon yellow plates.
The Emperor took the food from the
tray and placed it before the old men,
The Empress doing the same for the old
ladies. Then tw%enty-four soldiers, who
were stationed twelve behind eachtable,
and wearing full uniform, bearing white
wood trays, came forward at a signal
from the Minister of Ceremonies, and
carried the untouched food away. The
four courses were served in the amt
great pomp., The Emperor was very
clever in all his movements, passing
the food as though he bad always served.
The empress was yery arciable, but was
less dexterous, receiving much assist
ance from her ladies" After the food,
dishes and tables were removed, a long
white cloth was placed over the laps Of
the men, another over the laps of the
women, which reached to the floor, then
the shoes and stockings were removed
by the dukes and court ladies. Now the
emperor and empress proceeded to wash
the feet, which was accompanied by re
sponses from the priests. Two chamber
lains carried golden bowls, Two carried
pitchers of water. The emperor and
empress with white napkins washed the
feet. The amount of water used on ..this
occasion cannot be rightly calculated, as
the serviette was as dry and fluffy at the
end as when the washing began. An
Austrian lady had said to me, "You
must try and get a ticket to the Foot
Washing" l laughed as I pictured to
myself the humility of these mighty
people l had seen herein Vienna; when
she turned to me and said, "Why do
you laugh? 1 assure you they are washed
and secured with sand before they
come!"-Correspondence Boston Tran
script.
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-25

tered and asked the price of the picture.
But for all that he bought it, paying a
| hundred collars for it, though Mr.. Har-
rison declared that the artist would con-
slider seventy-fiye a muniticent sum.
every fine indeed" Mr.. Harrison said
| yolubly, glad of a chance to make q bar
gain, even if it brought no money into
his own pocket, "and a perfect likeness
of the artist, Miss Kendall, sir. IF she
wasn't poor as a church-mouse the
world would have heard Of her long ago,
Ill be bound.n
Curtis thought so. too. and wanted
very much to know Miss Kendalps adj
dress, but he did not say SO.
MY mother has long wished to have
her portrait painted" he said artfully:
"but she wants it to be the work of a
lady's brush. Do you think if / sent
Miss Kendall her photograph, she would
copy an oil portrait from it?"
"She would be only too glad, I guess,
Mr.. Van Tassels, , said Mr.. Harrison, eff.
fusively; "and you couldn't get a lady
better fitted for the work than She"
And Nan worked diligently and hap
PLY on her first order, never dreaming
by what chain Of circumstances the loss
of her shabby purse had brought all this
good fortune.
allC hAlC0 I1OttllAlE aDOIb N1IA Ill LIS
sells, except that he had purchased Gun
der the Lilacs," and was so pleased With
it that he wanted his mothers portrait
from the same brush.
II hope he will like it," she said, on
the very afternoon when Curtis Van
Tassels was coming for the finished
picture. II have certainly done my
best"
Mr.. Van Tassels did like it, and he
liked the little artist, too, so Well that he
came again and again, on one pretext
or another.
And before many months, he had
asked Nan Kendall to marry him, and
she had answered, "Yes!"
Man" said Curtis. quizzically, n
day, did you ever lose five doilars??"
Nan stared, and laughed.
What do you mean, Curtis?" she
said. mo; but l thought l did, last
spring"
Thought you did" Curtis exclaim-
ed. why, didn't you really lose it?"
"Curtis, you are not the gentlemen
Who
Nan stopped.
Yes" nodde d Curtis Van Tassels,
with smiling lips.
IT have sometimes wondered where !
have seen you before. Oh, it was mon
strous Of yen to deceive me as you did!
l don't think | can ' e forgive you'll"
"Oh, yes, you CAM" said Curtis, conf.
IDENTIFY. "But how do you know I eve,
deceived your"
mi. Harrison sent me my purse the
very next day, with the five dollars in
tact. | had left it on n of his coun-
ters. l felt very angry with you then,
and if 1 had known, I would have sent
the money you gave me right back"
"And now, that YOU do know me, you
are going to give yourselfto me, insteadl''
exclaimed Curtis, triumphantly. "It
was only q loan, you seer"
Kimball enterprise. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1883, 1883-05-25
Confession OF an Advent,rer.

From the Providence Press.
Apropos of the Chevalier Paraf, that
prince of adventurers, whose successful
career in Providence was the general
theme of conversation, sarcastic as well
as f%acetious, among the quidnunes a
number of years ago, the following story
is told by a well-known gentleman who
was acquainted with the clever French.
man dnringtIe period of his campaignin
this city. The gentleman happened to
be in Paris four years ago, and in COM
pany with a party of friends dropped in
at the pretty artificial garden on the Av-
enue Montaine, 30 we'll known to the
average American tourist as La Mabiile.
The fine orchestra was discoursing a
lively Strauss waltz; the gayly-dressed
central pavilion; the seats in the shady
hooks and of the cafe were filled with
the irequenters of this peculiarly Paris
ian institution, ana, as was the case on
any fine evening of the season, a certain
phase of life was laid bare to the gaze of
the philosopher as we'll as of the pleas
ure-loving citizen of the world who
CHANGED to be within.
In the curse Of the evening the Prov.
idence gentleman recognized amid the
constantly changing throng a lady, so fal
as appearance and bearing went to show
who was known in his native city az
Madame, the wife OF tie necromancine
cheyalier. The recognition was mutual,
and the two were soon discussing a eat
sucre at an adjacent table. Reminis
! cences were of urse INDUCED in
and the various incidents Of the Provi
dence experiences of that lady were
I commented on without reserve by the
Jo,,a baroo1f 90 we'll oo Ia, Iar nm
ion. She said that she was a native o.
| New Jersey; that she had never beer
married to the insinuating cheval+ II, anc
that she left him before his present in
generation for s%windling at the penal in
stitution in the southern part of Chill.
At length the question was asked
Chow much did you realize from youl
Providence scheme which was worked
in so pre-eminently successful q man.
! ner?" She laughed aloud as she replied
Zone hundred and fifty thousand dol
lars.'' Her hearer was amazed and die
not fail to express his surprise. EYES,
said she, I'VE got that amount out of the
concern, and don't forget we had a gooe
time with the money"
Many circumstantial accounts were
| given of the various ways in which the
two adventures conducted their clevel
conspiracy, ana II tnOSe VINO we're LII
victims could have listened to the bril-
liant m as she poured forth the stor,
of her Observation-Disclosures accompanied By
sarcastic comments on their credulit!
and ignorance, they would, indeed, hav'
been far from 1attered. Some of tn
details would not bear publication, but
the gentleman, a very prominent bust
ness man, does not doubt a word of the
story that Madame LChevalier related.
Comment is wholly unnecessary. All IA
miliar with the doings of the pair will
understand the application.