davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
An Interesting Exneriment

Take sheet Of stiff writing paper and roll it in
to tube about an inch in diameter. Apply it
to the right eye and look steadfastly through it,
focusing the eye any convenient object.
Keep the left eye open. Now place the left hand,
held upwards, edgeways against the side of the
paper tube, and about an inch or two from its
further end. The astonishing effect will be pro-
duced of hole. apparently of the size Of the
cross section of the tube, made through the left
hand. This is the hole in which we propose to
materialize another and smaller hole. As we
need genuine aperture, and it would be incon-
venient to make one in the left hand, let a
sheet of white paper be substituted therefor,
and similarly held. Just at the part of the pa
per where the hole, equaling in diameter the or
ifiice of the tube, appears, make an opening
quarter of an inch IN diameter. Now look in
tently into the tube, and the second hole, deiin-
ed by its difference of illumination, especially if
YOU look towards a dark object will he seen
floating in the first hole, and yet both will be
transparent The illusion (for, of course, it is
one of those odd pranks our binocuar vision
plays upon us) is one of the nest curious ever
devised. Besides, here here is the actual hole
clearly visible, and yet there is no solid body
TO be seen to define its edges. 1t is not a mere
spot of light, because, if page of print be re-
garded, the lines within the boundaries Of the
little hole will not coincide at all with those
surrounding it and extending to the edges of
the large apparent aperture. Each eye obvious
~ transmits an entirely different impression to
the brain, and that organ, unable to separate
them, lands IN that palpahle absnrlity of a
materialzed hole.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
He Got Home All Right.

man who has got fun in him, will be funny
under the most distressing circumstances. This
WAS illustrated recently in the case of Mr.,
Frank HattOn, Assistant Postmaster General
and editor. He was n sleeping car from
New York to Washington, and when he got up
IN the morning at his destination, lie found that
his pants had been stolen. The passengers
were getting of the car, and all sympathized
with HattOn, but none of them offered him
their pants. He wrapped a red sleeping car
blanket around him. took feather buster and
placed the handle down his back, so that the
feathers stood up over his head, and stood in
the aisle of the ear. when everybody laughed
except the ear porter. who turned pale. A
friend said:
well, Frank. what are you going to dO!r
Frank looked at himself in the glass, aud
said
We'll, guess I'll take a hack, 90 up to the
Secretary of the Interior. aud ask 10 he sent
hack TO my reservation"
The oldest man in the world could not have
studied up funnier answer in a week. Presi-
dent Arthur, who happened to he on board lent
Mr.. Hatton the flannel case TO his double-bar-
relied shot gun. for pants, and he got home all
right.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
Yankee Wit.

Many years ago. a Pittsburg iron firm purch-
ased lot of condemned bOmbshells for old iron.
The shells were not loaded, but in order to melt
them, it necessary that they should be bro
ken up. This was attempted with sledge ham,
mers but the labOrers made but little progress.
and il was finally given up as a bad job. One
day, long, slim Yankee came along and said
- understand yOu have job for 4 man
here"
YES" was the reply; Eve want that pile OF
bombs out there broken
''HOw much will you payfr
1--WE will give you ftp apiece (six and a
quarter cents) if you will agree 10 break them
all"
an take the contract" answered the Yam
kee
The day n cold one, and the thermome-
ter down to zero. The man Immediately went
to work, but disdanCd to take the large sledgt
hammer which was offered him. The Yankee
laid every bomb ont on the ground with the
hole up. He procured n bucket, and filed then
all with water; then he came into the house
made ont his bill, and said he wOuld cal
around in the morning for the money. Every
one was much mystified, but in the morning
their establishment was great. The water had
frozen during the night, and in the morning q
pile of scrap iron was found. as the freezing
water had broken every bomb into at least .
dozen niPces.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
Msefal aud Curious.
HELPFUL HINTS.

:. a. e. n, ,;,h, i.
go. - ,oa.h.s. ther cot IL and ar. no;sonsd
:,
Gopperas mixed with wnrtewasn upon the
oena' VIM
FOR ordinary WOODWORK, use winning 10 rub
the DIRT on, and ammonia
Ceilings that have been smoked by kerosene
lamp should be washed of with soda water.
Good fires should he kept up during house
cleaning time, even though the doors and win
dows be kept open. r
Drain pines and all places that are sour or i'm
pure NAV he cleansed with Iime water, copperas
water or carbolic acid.
Salt. l;berallv sprinkled over a Garnet before
sweeping. will absorb the dust and dirt, and
hiring out the eoIors as fresh as new.
t., 49,.
xrong side frst and Then on the right. AFTER
which spots NAV be removed by the use of OK
Gall or ammonia and water
IN -, H. s,ov, has h..,, s,,oi.s
.ne or "Do-. -. - 1r, - N,.I ~
n ~ ~. Iii III -, 49, ,hro,ah -.
the naint or eaIcimine.
I;,.I LI.-;Io IS t;,,a 5;sso,,-a5 q, ,..,
III H u LII, IL, IL. I'm
anu 9Ii lamp :, =, San ""' neiu
"' :" 10y
faper anu plaster are active aosoroehts, and
WIN .nss ueeon,e snolos r.a,'.., Win .ii
ainauu tlna.N VA "o'n'"s '"' oH'''' M III
fapered walls are cleaned ny oelng wiped
down with nannel cloth tied over a broom or
brush. linen cut on timex piece oil stale bread
with the crust on, ana rno them down with
TINS Begin nj the top, ana go straight down.
One way TO clean the inside of pots and pans,
is to fill them with water in which a few ounces
of washing soda is dissolved, and set them on
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
Our Strap Book.
THE cIRcUs-DAY PARADE
III JAMES WHTTcosB Riley.

Oh the e1sday parade How the bugies played and
And how the glossy horses tossed their ossy and
neghed,
As the rattle and the rhyme the tenorrummers time
Filled the hearts cf all cf rs with melody sublime.
How The grand bsuIuagon shone with splendor all il.
own,
And glitterrd with glory that our dream. had never
known.
And how the boys behind high and low, Of every kind
Marched in unconscious capture with rapture underlined
How the her.emen two and two with their plumes Of white
And Of erinsoa gold and purple Boadng by at me and
Waved the banner. tina, they bore the knight, days
Til glad eyes CLEANED and gli.tenen like the spanges
that they wore
How the grseees graceful stride Of the elephant wa.
And the eapers little horse that cantered At bis side
How the stumbling eanel- tame to the plandi.s Of their
fame
With listess silent mastieating they
How the cages jolted past with each fa.,
And the mystery within il only limited Of at last
From the little grated square in the and nosinC there
The snoui OF some strange animal that shifted the air
And last Of all the clown making mirth all the town
With is lips curved ever upward and his eyebrows
down,
And his chief attention paid the little mule that PLAYED
tattoo on the dash oor with his heels in the parade
Oh the circusdAy parade. How the bugies played and
played,
And how the glossy horses tossed their hO-sy names and
nei.hed
As the rattle and the rhyme tenor rummer time
Filled the hungry hearts Of all Of with melody sublime
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
Useful Suggestions.

Alum is one of the best additions to make
whitewash of lime that will not rub of.
Mirrors should not be hung where the sun
shines directly upon them.
To relieve hiccOugh at once, take lump of
sugar saturated with vinegar.
Hemorrhage of the lung or stomach may he
quickly stopped by small dose of salt
A broom may be kept in good condition for q
long time, If il is washed once week in clean
hot suds and then hung upto dry.
An orange eaten before breakfast cures the
craving for liquor and improves disordered
stomach.
If yon wish to produce glne that will resist
water, boil one pound of glne in two quarts of
skinned milk.
Folding screens for holding eight or ten pho
tographs are handsome when covered with
plush or velvet.
To prevent saussges from bursting when cook
ing. never make a hole in them with a fork
while turning them.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

ROBERT q. INGEIsoLL's former home was Pc
ora, ILL.,. and his old neighbors are inclined to
glorify him. One of their stories is that Chris
tian woman went to his house to convert him.
The Colonel smiled with the most deferential
politeness as he said: "Will You not walk in,
madam. There is no need of making too SOL
emn business of it. thank you for your kind
intentions, at any rate The lady, who appar-
emily had expected to be knocked down and
dragged out for her temerity, looked very much
relieved at the kindness of her rccention. A
moment after, the dinner bell rang. "Come,
said the Colonel, walk ont and dine with the
family, and we can talk over this conversion
business As we eat Soup was served. As it
came on the table, and before il was ladled ont,
the lady lifted her hand. Stop said she.
What is it, said the Colonel. DO you not
think ought to thank the good Lord for this
bountiful dinner before we begin catingr 81
will make only one suggestion first. Your Lord
is just Lord, is he not' Now, perhaps within
a block Of me. at this present time, there is some
faithful, devout Christian who is starving.
Perhaps, if perfect justice were DONE our din
ner should be on his table. Do you not think
the less say about this matter the better y
Ii was in this way that the talk ran on. The
lady came every day TO visit the Colonel and
his family. She appeared to be fascinated with
the loving trust, content, and happiness of this
compact household. Finally she said to the
Colonel: Il apologize. do not care what you
believe. You are leading more of a Christian
life than ever hope to accomplish
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

ADVENTURES OF BARBED-WIR GATE.-A
man living in suburban town, as spring ap-
preached, concluded that a barbed-wire gate
was the thing lac wanted, and ordered one
made. The other day he went to get it, and
had 80 little time Ia catch his train that he did
not wait to have it dcne up, but started with it.
for the depot, but he undertook to run. He &C.
iually got about fourteen rods before he was
knocked down, and then it was all that two
policemen could do to rescue him from the in
fnriated mob. When they finally got him into
the apOthecary shop near by, and barricaded
the doors, an examination was made of the
gate, and caught on the barbs were thirty
pieces of cloth. no two alike, and several OF
them stained with blood. The citizen was final
~ got away aud sent home under cover of the
darkness-BOsf0R Post.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

liz Gould STAND IT.-''My son" said So
licitous mother to her Maynard ten year old
Il want YOU TO he q good boy, or you will 90
10 the bad place and remain there forever"
do they keep shingles and slippers there T.
No. of course not, Johnny; they would be
burned mp in >uch terrible place in no time. y
well, then, ma, | guess eau stand it," and
the boy slid gently into a cushioned chair with
. slight coutortinu Of the face, a. though there
tender spot about his nature somewhere
which his mother could get at Toledo iReri-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

THE GUN STAMMERED.-Dempseyw went hunt
ing, the other day, and took johnny with him.
They saw a rabbit, and Dempsey drew mp and
shot The cap exploded. and there was long
splitter, and finally, just as Dempsey took the
gun down, the charge went of. When they
got home. the folks asked Johnny what luck
they had had ''Oh," said johnny, spa saw a
rabbit, but his gun stammrred he couldn't
hit IL
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

4 RoCkL,Np man read that one should en-
deaVor {" draw something useful from every
thing he saw, and notly resolved TO profit BY
the Teaching. Trat night. when the neon was
hidden, he cssayed 10 draw number o. useful
c"r,lwood sticks from his neighbor's wood pile
and got ~ filed with rock salt ont of a gun
that he won't he able to taste anything fresh
for the balance of his life
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

4 SOUTHERN paper says the alligator destroys
millions of mosquitoes by letting them settle on
his jaws aud then swallowing them. Ladies'
who are annoyed by the pests might rid them
selves of the nuisance by keeping an alligator in
the bedroom during the night. but there are
some women VIII" would prefer the mosquitoes
They would as soon have = mouse loosc in their
chamber an alligator.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

FIRsTLINes OF sPRI NC
ny c, HALL.

Pretty golden dandeli0ns,
With your SEEDS Of feather,
Starring all the countryside,
In the sunny weather;
Siolets, filed with dew,lrsp-,
Delicate and sweet,
Giving out your fragrance
Underneath our feet
Daisies in the mesdow,
With your silver frills:
Roses by the waysisle,
kingcups On the hills;
star flowers and innocence:
Windy. eloud-swept clover /:
Lovely little blossoms
Al the wide world eyrr-
When l see you cfowding,
i know that Summer comes I:
Soon. / know. the bird sings,
Soon the Wild bee huns.
When I see you blooming.
All a hOneyed crew.
Into songs and gladness,
Ny heart blossoms, too.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

SAILING BUTTEI.-It takes a great deal of
Judgment to properly salt butter The first
thing to decide is, what the salt is for. Butter
can be preserved by adding but very little salt,
therefore for that purpose the great quantity
often met with in butter is not needed. Gener-
ally one ounce of salt to sixteen Ounces of but
ter is used. But if the butter has any undesira-
BILE favor, or is insipd little more salt may be
used, say one ounce TO twelve or fourteen of
butter, so as 10 obscure in a measure the faulty
taste, the flavor of salt being less Objectionable
than wrong or defective taste in butter. But
# the favor is very fine and full, it will not be
desirable TO hide it, but on the contrary, to
give it more prominence; hence less salt. say one
ounce TO twenty of butter, will give better eff
feet. Those who salt heavily are often at fault
as the taste of 50 much of it is more unpleasant
to CONSUMERS than a defective natural taste is
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

VIZ hardly like the word dude The
older form, squirt, is very apprOpriate.Dcr
rick. But after all, there is nothing better than
the good old biblical term-fooi.-PLild. Ne,rs
oh, yes thep is. The good old biblical term
Ass, is better.-Posi- Express. How does
stand mp and howl for mush" strike Won.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

THE BREEDING OF PIGs.-Every one has no.
tieed what vast difference there is in different
pigs. in the readiness with which they take on
flesh, and the low cost Of fattcning compared
with others. Some pigs will thrive and become
fat enough for slaughtering on food upon which
other pigs would fail to thrive and never become
fit 10 Kill. 4 pig which fattens readily can be
kept at a good profit, while one which fattens
with some difficulty would prove a losing in
vestment. Breeders of pigs should breed with
the object of producing animals which will pro-
duce the largest number of pounds Of pork for
the amount OF food consumed Any one who
breeds with this object in view will soon find
that, his pigs have established 4 reputation
which brings them into demand and make a rea-
dy sale for them. Any can afford to pay
more for pigs which takes on flesh readily, than
for those which do not. A great improvement
IN swine might readily be effected by careful
breeding.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

FAMILY needs and an arrival. were recorded
by Pawuee City man, who wrote TO a grocer I:
PLEASE send me by berrer too pounds Of shu-
ghor, blackin brush, five POuns of coffee and
some little nails. My wife had baby last
highland tw" Padlocks and a monkey
wrench.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

SERGEANT BALLNNTINE, ON one occasion. had
a lady client named Tickle. Mr.. Ballantins
said to the judge, Tickle, my client, nv
Lord Here he was interrupted by the Judge
saying, Tickle her yourself. nv learned hrotI.
er." Ballautine, who is a great wit. looked
glum for whole day.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

The poet ser vow bin n sittin in Old Winters
Lap-now anf you ashamed ov yourself.
sI,ose the old feller's hin bussin you
! should think he he'd. FINN your breth
A bein - eeid--bni that's the way th-m
nd ielieTs hey dain.
Well as was saying,
NOuv cum At last with your -banIS
Breih" a blowing from the NOrthwes-
wrsteonstani or Nebrasky, sposF
Great countries for ham, reckin.
Now youv cum wen
Eyerybody's feed and korn and thing
hev all been fed out. Now look at
Our krifters will ye See our katie
DIN the liff, hevin to be steaded by
Thar tales when they gifts up InoTnin=s
Look nj our HOSES, waits all reduced
To skeletons = weepin over q tIoft;
4 hull froft full Of kObs-
\ hull trUft full Of bitter reckeleekshnns'
Look at theBa shepe lien in
The fence oornrrs waiting for grass
Wis. and they've bin a waiting somr
Them week And If they wasn't
Paid they'd a bin shakin tber lox
At yn, and sd Il dun it =, Chat thur
i from Hamlet won Of Shskspur's plaisj
As another pait sez-.'srass rifused make
The siumak axe. ~ these shepe will
Never "Pen thur ont" grass asin-n".
Now luz at them hogs A. has hin
4 iollerin them kAtel wat hev bin
stuffed with Ia see en-, will We, a rrrrT,in
l,ook at ther eres, will yF-bisgrr
Emmy cabhtch lrfr
So the -hotfs
4 lsrin on the fence to >quelc
Ink at them unity ere "a hanging p.n''ni
Onto Seeh little hog! See hundrrsl
'ind shois- rsjHCed down 9" a even
knrn haskif full
Nt- that thurs 81 Yer duins I
Tardy. lo;teriB Springs hanging hs'k
Is vonv bin dom.
Nut nov yOnV Cuni
We feel yure cheeTin pTessBz wen
tiif nound onto the south side the barn
We here the hens kaklin when they We
Laid neg We see the horse reddish
4 starting up alongside the garriing
Frns. The xinmen l. q lukin into
The old teapot after gariing seeds
Aud all these things make me think y"uv rum
III ~ be- I've Tilesl
Ne, Spring shown up yer short crlInHIin-
Jest set IL down 10 hayin p1it lisens.
Tho haint taken one out yii, low to-.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

Browns IRON BITrERS is
composed ofIron in soluble
form; Cinchona the great
tonic, together with other
standard remedies, making
a remarkable non-alcoholic
tonic, which will cure Dys-
pepsia, Indigestion, Malaria,
Weakness, and relieve all
Lung and Kidney diseases.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

''DIB that lady take umbrage - said the pro-
prietor of Cortland store to his clerk, who
had Just had a wOrdy dispute with a customer.
"Oh, no. She took ten wards Of turkey red
calico, and wanted buttons TO MATCH
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

4 GRASS WIDow.-'Ma, what Is q grass wild
"w =" asked a Harlem youth who had been
reading in the paper about person Of that des-
scription.
oh my boy, | can't explain it, exactly" re-
piled the mother.
I'm bet | know, anyhow" said the smart
Noungster.
''Well tell me-"
"A grass widow is female woman whose
husband died of ay-fever," he exclaimed.
Then he went out in the kitchen, and rubbed
the eats nose with red pepper.-HGrleR Times.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

"a GERMAN at hotel, the other day, had
some LimbuTger cheese sent 10 him. 4 little
hoy who sat beside him, turned to his mother
and exclaimed: Mamma, how I wish was
deaf and dumb in my -
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

A YOUNG lawyer appeared before WASHING
ton Judge with his umbrella under his arm and
his hat on, and in his agitation he forgot 20 Law
either aside, when he began speaking. Hadn't
you better raise your umbrella ~ the Cour-
kindly Bggcsted.-HdTPer's Bd-Gr.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

II IS said that the Peaehblow potato has done
varieties dried up and died in the summer
drought, the Peachblow held on, and was ready
to make growth of tubers after the fall rains
began
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

GOVERNMENT can not make law. Ii can
only pronounce that which was the law before
its organization, namely: the moral result of the
imperishahle relations of things.-Sheiig.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
Selett goetrp.
PRAxIrILEs AND PHRYNE.

BIZ Nv. W. STORY.
A thouaand silent years ago.
The starlight faint and pale,
Was drawing on the sunset glow.
Its soft and shadowy veil;
When from his work the sculptor STAYED
His hand, and turned to one
Who stood beside him, half In shsde
Said with sigh, lis done.
Phryne, thy human lips shall pale
Thy rounded limbs decay;
Nor love nor prayers can aught avail
To bid thy beauty stay.
But there thy smile for centuries
On marble lips shall live;
For ART can grant what love denies,
And fix the fugitive.
Sad thoughts, nor age nor death shall fade
The youth Of this cold bust,
When the quick brain and hand that made.
And thou and are dust.
When all our hopes and fears are dead
And both our hearts are cold,
And love is like tune that's played,
And life tale that's told,
This counterfeit Of senseless stone.
That no sweet blush can warm,
The same enchanting look shall own,
The same enchanting form
And there upon that silent face
Shall unborn ages see
Perennial youth, perennial grace,
And sealed serenity.
= And strangers. when We sleep in pescs,
Shall say, not quite unmoyed,
30 smiled upon Praxitiles
The Phryne whom he loved
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

HERR BRETZEL, (who has just had telephone
put up, calls for the repairer next day)-''LOok-
a-here, my yrent, tidn't you tole me dot deller-
vone shbcak Chernan mt converse in Cher
maan -
Repaircr-"leS. sir"
Herr B.-"Nell, py chiminetty, dalk Cher
man to dot dellervOne yesdertay, mid bolide-
ness, unit ply unit py it say, Hello! Plat the
divil air We jahberin Come off, We Ould
nntchy." tond't allow no delervonc to sass
me dot way. DnnnrrlIimmel! Dake i'll away =
From Life.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03

Mansfield, ohio, Nov. IS, 1851.
Gentlemen:-Ihave suffered with
pam in my side and back, aad great
soreness on ny breast. with shoot
ing pains all through my body, at
tended with great~eAkness, depres-
sion Of spirits, and loss Of appe-
tite. l have taken several different
medicines, and was treated by prom
inent physicians for my liver, kid
neyS, aad spleen. but got no relief.
Thought l would Try Browns Iron
BitterS have now taken one bottle
and half and am about well-pzin
in side and back all gone-soreness
all out Of my breast, and | have 4
good appetite. and an gaining in
strensth and flesh. ltean justly be
called the kiny If 1ssSitixfs.
JoHx X. AIIKSpEE-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1883-05-03
Chr fun Of the Ching.
ODE TO SPRING

Well Spring. yOuv cum at last. hey you
The poet ser yuuv bin n siftin in Old Winter
Lap-now aint you ashamed ov yourself:
| ,Ipse the old feller's hin \ bussin you;
should think he he'd from your breth
A 6ein reis--bni that's the way ih~m
ID i.lleTs haN dom.