The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-01-24
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Wednesday, Jan. "a, 1888.
COMIC COMMENTS.

mefcaot butte2fa.
Greatness If you want to find out
how great man is, let him tell it himself
Near Orleans PScGytae rF4 q
Historical: What Adam said on be.
holding the first sunrise: ECO West, my
sun, go West i"-Neao York Post.
The polite phrase 1t is not proper to
speak of milkman's watering his milk,
You should say that he expedites his cream.
Boston Transcript.
Seaside incident: A hackman recently
went into the surf at Long branch and en-
countered huge shark Their eyes met
for an instant. when the shark blushed and
SWAN out.-Puci
Not out of danger: "Good morning,
Fred" said Brown how is your wife, bet
ter hopper" Yes,n replied Fred; 'bet.
ter but not ont of danger The doctor
calls regularly every day. Boston Tron-
script.
An easy time of it 81 don't ask any
mans advice,n said the man with the big
bump of self-esteem 81 do my own think
ing" Eyes" murmured Fogg, II should
think you might, and not be greatly over
worked, either.r-B Boston 1'rans@lpt.
sUps and downs l. Swell (recognizing
old chum selling matches at the street cor
ner); "Hello, old fellow, what are you up
~ Indigeus (raefully); Well, Reg.
maid, think it's more Iikewhat I'm down
toll What do you think 2"--Londos Judy.
--obliging Charley: Yes" remarked
Henderson, couldn't do no less than &C.
commodate Charley, you know, so ] con-
scented to be best man at his weddingr
" How did it happen, then" said Fogg,
that the girl didn't marry you, if You were
the best man Pr Boston Transcript.
i'm the cause of science classic and
q naturalist are talking over the last storm
So our friend was actually killed by q
stroke of lightning" says the classic. "Ex-
aetly So" q He persisted as Ajax did, defy
ing Jupiter ?n No, he was eating some
pens stewed in OLLIE F,garp.
No risks Yes" said the gilded youth
of his friend, "Jaek has passion for pro
posing to girls Why. I've known Of bis
proposing to six girls in a week, not one Of
whom he'd marry for FARM Doesn't
be run a terrible risk of being accepted by
somebody he doesn't want p z Not a bit
He isn't worth dollarla-- Boston Post.
Vain regis,t6; An honest old wooa-saw-
yer, whose wife was the cause of consdera-
BILE trouble to him. met friend on the
street. aud referring to his better half, said
When married my vie loved her well
enough to en-. her" Aud then somewhat
hestatiugly the old malt continued; "And
now wish TO tie lord l had eat her. ~
Boston part
"a valuable tree, ssNo, sir,p said DIR.
Talap, Z" l wouldn't have that apple tree cut
down tor .nene9n "But you never get
any fruit from it,n argued Brown; the
boys steal all the apples before they are half
ripe.n .srhat's jnst Il. ]" replied the doctor,
with quiet smile; that tree stands me in
good thousand every ssason. "-Bost0N
Transcript
"Tact Some men have tact Said the
bridegroom who didn't wish ethei to offend
his bride or die of internal Disturbance.
is the first You have ever made. l cannot
think OF eating it. but will preserve it to
show to our children in after years rs y sam
ple of their mothers skill and dizziness ~
Boston Post.
-squinting construction; Higgins is
quite an amateur in music. and the other
evening favored his friend spriggins with an
operatic gem. Spriggiin thought he would
say something pleasant, SO he remarked:
Higgins. my boy, your voice ought to be
cultivated" Aud Higgins didn't take it the
right way at ALL aud they don't speak now
LosneN Citizea
Wind useless "Rsmember," said TIL
venerable Brother Gardner, as he brought
the proceedings of the Lime Kiln Club to a
close the other evening, remember AZ we
pereeinte homewards, dit while a lusson
way have a voice like toruady nm a mouth
ike woodshed, de man who winks wild hie
left eye allus gets de bes' glass OF sody
water. Detroit Fye9 Press
"A bump OF ignorance: said the prac-
teal man" You can talk MI Won want to
ebont pbrenology. think 1t is adj stuff
The only important bump ever found GU
my erariGm was hera-right in the middle
of my foseheaa-and it was made by a base
ball bat. concluded to call it the bump
of ignorance-because / didn't know enough
to get out of the way."- Lo,oell CGcseea
-sEmhraeea the opportunity; wheui
Filkins was waiting upon Araminta yea,
Or two ago he playfuliy remarked one even.
ing that he was going to call her oppor.
tunity because he embraced her Araminta
referred to this the other morning Mt break.
fast, but Filkins changed the subject aud
wanted to know why in something or other
the potatoes were cold rs stones and the
coffee so all-ired weak Boston Tran
script
An artists sorrow. 4 customer takes
back to a tailor pair Of trousers which are
perfect misfit. The knight of the shears
is overwhelmed with grief aud surprise.
Oh, never mind, says the customer.
you'll be able to work EN- on on some one
else" 3 Its not the loss OF tao pantaloons
that affects me, says the tailor, hanohtily;
it is On artists sorre~ at his failure Of
which you are the uneon,prehending specta-
Freacd Fan
--Hindsight Whst lnethodieal fell.
low you ere, Brown, said l'llins, who had
stepped into Browns Office during the lat.
ters absense. Why. what do you mean p
asked Brown, who had Just entered.
" Mean ?" echoed Filkus; Ito think that
you should lock all your diewe,s NJ, when
you are only going ont for live minutes
'Tisn't likely that anybody would NEEDLE
with your papers," OF course not,n re.
piled Brown; "but how did you find ont
that the drawers were locked 2n- Boston
Transcript ,.....,...s..<
THsY ALL CLAIMED To DE Boss--A
stranger called II forty eight different houses
10 Cleveland and asked. Is the boss hone?"
There WAS no man at home in any Que iu-
fns Il