Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1883-12-20
The Old Man Objects.

Gustavus De Snide is very callow
youth, but he doesn't think SO. His pa
is rich man, but hard working one
still. Gus drops into his fathers Office
nearly every day, and fiatters himself
that his doing SO is of some earthly i'm
portance there, but he never remains
more than few minutes, and no atten-
! ton whatever is paid to the orders he
issues. He is ultra fashionable in dress
parts his hair in the middle, has q
dainty mustache the size Of pencil,
and deyotes large share of his waking
hours to smoking cigarettes and breath
ing the smoke through his thin nostrils
in little puffs. lie hasn't an earnest
aspiration in all the world.
But he did have spasmodic one re-
Gently. He met a very pretty girl at a
party--a girl bright, rosy, viVaeious;
as merry witch as man ever saw,
and as unlike himself as Vulcan. Gus,
who can blankly but insolently stare at
every lady who passes, couldn't for the
life of him smirk at this laughing little
miss. His bold eyes actually fell as he
stood before her, and his tongue refused
to utter the vapid nothings he is wont
to rattle off SO glibly, firm in the belief
that he is a polished man of society.
Finally he managed to speak his one
pet compliment. and Miss Merry actu-
ally laughed in his face and ran away.
Gus was captivated.
During the evening he overheard hel
say that of all music in the world male
auartette is the most celestial, and from
that moment he had a motive. If there
is one attainment that the modern lah-
de-dah more prides himself about than
another, it is his voice. His thin, qua
vering tones are to him mellifluously
sweet, SO Gussy straighrway joined a
GLOVER from -my-angel-Mer-hother's IS
grave" Glee Club, and actually prac-
ticed an hour or two a day, with the
view of pleasing one whom he fondly
hoped would become his sweetheart.
He ventured to call once. but was all
broken up by hearing her bluff old
father mutter something to her mother
about COMPOUNDED dude" SO he gave
up the siege direct and decided to capti-
vate through the charms of music alone.
He practiced more assiduously than be-
fore, and last Thursday evening he ap-
piled his musical battery. Accompa-
MED by another tenor, baritone and a
bass singer, he softly approached the
moonlit front OF the home of Miss
Merry, and after. Gussy had masticated
troche, and got into the right attitude
to .'kill her silly at her first glance
through the lattice. the baritone strum-
med prelude on guitar. When he
concluded Gus was SO agitated that he
failed to commence his serenade, SO the
prelude was repeated. This time Gus
was ready, but his voice wasn't. It
didn't grasp the keynote within two
tones and half and the basso switched
him on to the right key with a tone that
could be heard q block away. Then
Gussie sang:
"Ther mer-hoon is sweetly smiling, love,
Smile thou on me-"
''Smile on you, you COMPOUNDED little
tailor's sign, you. If she ever does, the
ambulance will call for what there is
left of your roared voice from an up
per window, and the upper portion of a
mans body and bull-d dog revolver put
in al appearance. 'tNow you just scoot,
or I'll work your clothes all full of
button holesr' and the serenade was
over.
Gus has abandoned music, and re-
turned to cigarettes. - Detroit Free
Press.