River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-06-28
AN UNQUIE WEBBING.


Tt was the practice during the civil
war to ship colored refugees, when COM
potent under the title of "contrabands."
Among such candidates for muster on
the Rover of the Mississippi squadron,
was tall young buck with google eyes,
high cheek bones, great splotch of a
nose, blubber lips, mouth like sharks
and skin which shone like polished
ebony.
What is your manner" asked my
clerk when this Apollo was presented
for enrolment.
"Gasper, sohl'
"What else?"
"Nothin', sah!"
'What! No other nameP
He scratched his wool and looked be-
wildered.
"All right" said I, as was in hurry;
"put him down Nothing
SO Casper Nothing" was inscribed on
the records of the United States Navy.
So much for the groom.
But the bride. How can picture her?
In need of an assistant washerwoman,
we sent abroad of boat load of colored
refugees and captured something that
looked like compromise between
giraffe and ourang- outang. Language
is inadequate to paint her portrait. She
vas wondrously tall, ana ugly, and an
gular, and awkward; long neck, long
arms, long legs and long all over. Glad
in her long, gray plantation frock, she
loomed up like walking Cleopatra's
Needle. When she appeared at the of
flee inquired what they called her.
THAI, thir,' she lisped.
"Sall what? Anything else?"
"Not-th, | knowth on. thir"
Lets call her Long Sall," whispered
the clerk, So Long Sail was she chris
tened-in ink.
The first step taken in Sails behalf
was to devise some amelioration of her
wardrobe. | contributed bolt of blue
flannel, and one of our sailors, dexter
Gus with the needle, took Sails latitude
and longitude, fashioned a stylish gown
and petticoats, trimmed with Barnsley
sheeting, and Sail shone forth like a full
fledged blueiay. 1t was decided that
Sail should marry Casper.
But here arose difficulty. What was
to be done for a trosseau? Sails blue
caparison had become greasy and de-
faced and, besides, If was scarcely COM
me il fault for bride. We determined,
as we were going to have a wedding i'll
the family, that it should be first class, if
possible. In this desperate emergency
rene nbered that our navy had recently
captured small contraband trader, and
! had seen the little vessel lying under
the port quarter of the a!ship. | called
upon the admiral and stated our diem
ma. Nobody ever loved fun better than
Admiral Porter. nor could any one
sympathiZe more than he IN such an
enterprise as we had undertaken. For
reply he arose, olened back door of
his cabin and went below. Presently
back he came, with his arms full of bolts
Of calico, Bingham and the like. |
selected what seemed most suitable,
thanked him and left an invitation for
the wedding.
Our man mantuamaker again get
to work with a will, and
under bis artistic touch Sail soon was
gorgeous. We even fabricated a set
of stays an laced her up like tenor
drum Next to be looked for was the
Wedding ring. This was furnished by
the wife of an officer Of the Marine
Brigade; also some artificial flowers for
the char" and pair of white kid gaunt-
let's, which, by dint of soaking and
stretching, were at last adapted to Salps
taper dieits. When we had her all
rugged, Solomon in all his glory certain
" never shone as she did. She was
fairly aghast at herself, and it was per-
haps fortunate that we had no full length
mirror in which she could have seen her.
self as others saw her.
All being ready, time was fixed and
the wedding invitations were issued to
the notabilities of the squadron. The
nuptial knot was to be tied in the
Rover's wardroom at 10 a. M, just after
the Sunday muster. Our fleet surgeon,
a natural orator, than whom no one
could render the Episcopal text with
more impressiveness and JUNCTION, as
sumed the role of master of ceremonies,
Our captain undertook to give away the
bride. AS the decisive hour drew nigh
the wedding guests assembled, arrayed
in full naval uniform. The bridal party
came on deck. escorted by the"contra-
bands" in blue jackets and white pants.
One of Jasper's messmates officiated as
groomsman, while my clerk endeavored
50 10 the honors as sort of he brides
aAaid. The fleet surgeon began the SER
vice with dignity and solemnity bett-
ting the occasion,
All went well until he came to, "Who
giveith this woman to be married to this
raan?"
Then our skipper stepped forth. He
sas an old salt who always took things
N dead and serious earnest, and talked
from the bottom of his heart.
'Sallp' said he. you've heard what
the minister has Just readl Now, mind,
there's no foolin' about this! Casper is
to stick to you and you're to stick to
Casper! No more runnin' round among
these other darkeys? Casper is your
husband and you are Gasper's wife, and
you're to love and honor and cherish
and obey him! Doyou understand that?"
"feth, thir," lIsped Sail.
And, Casper, you're to look out for
Sail and take care of her and keep her
to yourself and see that she don't go
gallivanting about with anybody else.
Do you understand"
Yes, sah!" gasped the groom.
Then | give this woman to be mar
ried to this man. GO ahead, fleet sur
geOn!'
The doctor maintained his gravity
through this little interlude, and contin-
ued the service. When he came to the
ring business and with all my worldly
goods thee endow,' black rascal in
the rear ranks, oveTcame by his feelings
chuckled and snorted out:
"Whar's de goods?"
The he stuffed his blue cap into his
mouth. His NAL apropos slightly rip
pied the general serenity, but we sur
vived it and came at last happily to the
benediction. Such was the union of Gas
per and Long Sail, who can boast of be-
ing spliced under more novel conditions
Than fell to the lot of any other couple
during the war of the rebelion.-A. w.
Pierson in Philadelphia Times.