The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1883-05-16
q lLEoTURE Oh s0fnNCE.
PrOfsssor HOldback Remington Before tn
Lime Kiln Club.

Lime Kiln Club.
Bro. Gardner announced to the club
that the great eolOred Ohio scientist and
philosopher was present In the ante
room, shlvering with cold and impa-
tiencej He had been in the city three
days, during which time he had frozen
his heels and diseOVered that the sun
was 100000 miles nearer the earth
at Detroit than In Cleveland.
The committee on reception then
drew ON their new mittens and disap-
peared In search Of the distinguished
Close upon the heels Of a lamp explo-
sion In the northwest corner OF the
room, which knocked Judge CadaveT off
his stool and flung WaIkafonnd Skivers
half way throUgha q window, came the
noble professor. II he could have been
straig htened up by means OF jack-screws
he would have stood six feet high, and q
few bricks In his pockets would have
brought his weight up to 120 pounds.
He had q piercing eye, nose rather on
the dOpr-knOb order, and his mouth at
once betrayed great force OF character.
He was conducted to the platform,
formally introduced, and as he moist
ened his bronchial tubes with few
swallows OF hard cider, he let of with:
my frens," he began, Il has bin in
Wtted to spoke to you on de Subjeck of
science. has no doubt dat some of you
has heard de word spoken. or seen 1t in
print at sometime, but how little de ma
j0rity OF you have cher realized de beau
ties, de extent, an, de power Of scienceI
Science has had Q hard struggle, but she
am now top OF de heap an kin reward
her mems an forgive her enemies. How
do we know dat de airth revOlyes on her
axel-tfees, same as de wheels of a waginp
Science has told US. How do we know
how to Cross de Oshunp Science pints
de way. How do we know dat de great
desertOf Sa-hary was once an Oshun ?
Science has dug down an fOun' clam
shells and sharks jaw bones. WidOut
science we should be world widOut
Over-cOats In winter or sodyWater in
summer. We would fall from harvest
apple trees an pick ourselves up widOut
knowing wheder grabitashum or agi-
tashun made us cum down instead of
going up. We should see de moon,
same as now, but some would say 1t was
inhabltedlby monkeys an Odders would
have an idea dat 1t was splendiferOus
locality for a persimmOn grove. De
sun would rise an s0t an warp de
shingles on de roofs, but men would go
round bluffin' fur bets dat she wasn't
hfty miles away an was held In place by
wires"
I. Here the orator paused to scratch his
back and take another drink OF cider.
and amidst stiffness almost solemn he
continued:
Science has done much, but 1t hasn't
done NUT. 1t has giben US de mariners
compass, but we have no masheen shops
wRar bow legged men kin drap in on
deir way up home an git de crook
Strengthened while dey wait. 1t has
gibenIus steam, but we still crawl under
de house to thaw out frozen water pipes
de same rs de Roman Senators did 1000
vars ago. It has giben us grand sus-
penshun bridges, but whar am de gas
metre which registers In favor OBJ de
consumer 1t has giben US de telegram,
but what man among you eber sOt eyes
on bOOt-jack which wouldn't miss q
cog jist when you war pullin' on wet
boot de hardest2 1t has tunneled frew
mountains. but we hab fOun' no better
way OBJ making de baby swallow caster
lie dan by hOldin' Its nose same as
Eve held Gains and Abel's In de be-
ginnin'.
"My frens, 1 did not come here to ex-
pecterate you wild tiresOme infatua-
ton. Heed well what / have said. Snug
up to science. She will keep you cool
In summer an prevent de shrinkin' Of
your winter fiannels. 1t ls a deep sub
jec' for research an imcOmpatibility, an
trustin' dat each one of you may abdicste
de rehexun of de consequential, will
draw my brilliant climax to career"