The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-11-09
WHOLE NO. 74S.
%. DEER LODGE, MONTANA NOVEMBER 8, 1888.
WHY WE LAUGH.
Never judge by appearances. A shabby
old coat may contain an editor.-Phiiadel.
1,hia Call

NcScE Juukc w appearances. n SuhDOy
old coat may contain an editor.-Phaadel-
phia Cal.
Washington was the father of his country,
| and blowing out the gas on retiring Is one of
| its smothers.
Who says 1t is unhealthy to sleep In feath-
ers? Look at the spring chicken and see
how tough he is.
A little book Just published is entitled
"How to Talk" A copy should be placed in
the hands of every barber in the country
Norristo,cn Herald.
A Baltimore woman asked her husband
for some money and he cut her with razor.
That was about as sharp Q reply as he could
have msde.-Phita. Herald. -.------ --.-
DR.. Mary Walker will 60 to England soon,
cannot "mash" DR.. Mary he will give up
American girls as bad job.
If, as is stated, 1t takes the oyster five years
to attain Its full growth, those that are sold
at the average restaurant must be about half
an hour old.-Northtoest Ne,rs.
1t is stated on undoubted authority that
Mr.. Tilden Is just as we'll qualified, physical
ly, to enter upon an active presidential cam
paign as he was hundred years ago.
Since the opening of the Northern Pacific
Montana has been overrun by such horde
Of bad to worse show companies that the
outraged citizens think some of tearing up
the track.-Minnesota Tribune.
"No more fruit, but little more of the
Juice, II you please" said the temperance ad-
vocate when the hostess asked him to have
another dish Of preserves-brandy peaches.
IN. Y. Commercial Advertiser.
The distance between the earth and the
sun has not been definitely fixed upon by
astronomers, but it is thought the latest es-
timata of 81, 700, 900 miles is not likely to be
erroneous to the extent of 100000 miles.
"Yes, I've tried 'em ALL" said tramp, as
he took flyer from distributor in the in
terest Of cheap hash house. "Tried 'em
all" "What do you mean ?" "Why, tried
to beat 'em, dye see ?" "Good day, good
day.
A convalescent small -pox patient looks
in o mirror and exclaims: Il used to be
thought q pretty nice-looking fellow; but
what am good for now ?" "I don't know"
replies his sympathetic friend, sunless you
can be utilized as . thimble."
A man whose wife was taken suddenly iii
fastened to = physician, who Immediately
responded. "What Is the matter with her,
doctor ?" 81 fear she has lockjaw." "Lock.
jaw! Well, doctor, you may as well let her
run along that way few hours"
Sitting Bull is still sick. His malady is
said to be typhoid fever, but we believe 1t is
premature decay induced by drinking bot
tie of hair dye which John A. Logan acci
dentally left In the Sioux camp, and which
the unsophisticated chief mistook for black
berry cordial.-Chicago Ne,cs.
No charge Is made for the suggestion that
the paper car wheel men ought to use moth
ing but South American newspapers In their
business. These papers are 30 thoroughly
familiar with revolutions IS to require no
preparation in converting them into a first
class Pittsburgh Telegraph.
"Whar yer gwine wild dat man ?" asked q
negro Of his daughter. "He amt fi.ten ter
'comp'ny yer." "Gwine ter de show" the
girl replied. "Dat's all right thought yer
was gwine ter church. A oman ken 20
wild mos any man ter show, but she's got
to be mighty partie'ler who goes ter church
wild her."-Arkansap Trareler.
"Well, sir, where do you work, Samuel ?''
luQulTcu u SuICdSo JuuBc VI COlOTcu pTlS-
oner yesterday. 81 works in bank, sab. "
What under the sun is your position in a
bank ?" "I'se teller, ssh." "What bank is
this you speak of, and what are your duties
as teller?" ats Al Hankin's ferry bank and
I tells the gamblers that they can find any
sort O. game they's spiln' fur, sah."- Chicago
Eye.
When the festive COW boy enters an irriga-
ting establishment In the far west, he pulls
his hat over his left eye, rests his hand sug-
gestively on the butt of his revolver, and
nominates his favorite concoction as follows
"Say, pass out that sheep dye, and don't lose
no time, or the coroner'll be sittip' on you
pretty suddin." There is no doubt that the
quantity of the stuff he pours down his
throat would make sheep die.-Detroit
Free Press.
A grocer grossly insulted Mrs. McGofin
the other day without intending 1t. She was
an immensely stout woman, and, stepping
upon the scales. plsyfully requested the gro
Ger to weigh her. As he adjusted the weights
he remarked that she weighed 100 pounds,
which proved to be her exact weight. "How
did you come to guess 1t ?" she asked. ~
am used to guessing at weights. l weighed
hogs for five years In Cincinnati. ."-St. Louis
Globe Democrat.