News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-11-29
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER,
BetFny yed-A Gain-In the Lime-Kiln Club
A Burning Mountain, Etc, Etc.
BETRAYED BY A BALANCE.

BETRAYED BY A BALANCE.
II can't make my cash balance, re-
ported the bookeeper to the senior
member of fve-year-old concern.
(Which way is t?"
Cover"
Chow much ?"
"Forty-fve dollars"
"CoTect you are, my boy. You take
five and give me forty; you see, my wife
came in here this morning and I dumped
what money I had in my pockets into
the cash drawer. Then 1 turned the
pockets inside out and told her L hadn't
got a cent, that the money in the drawer
was part Of q sum to pay note and that
you had gone out to borrow enough to
make up the whole. You take the five,
I say, and don't mention it. ."-Hartford
Sunday Journal.
WHERE HE GAINED.
Twenty years ago there was an old
farmer living about one hundred miles
from New York who took forty pounds
OF dried apples to the village merchant
and was told that the price was four cents
per pound.
'III be hanged if I submit to this
extortion any longer !! he exclaimed.
''Why, they arc quoted in Horace Gree
ley's paper at seven cents r'
"Hadn't you better take 'em to New
York p
'1'u be kicked if [ don't w
And he did. When he came home
and figured up he said to his wife:
"WaIl, Hammer, it cost me eight dol
lars to come and go, two dollars tavern
bill and maybe a little extra for to-
bacco."
''Then you lost by the trip?"
''Yas, kinder lost in one way, but in
another got my tea for four cents a
pound less than Jackson sells it, and
tell you four cents don't grow on every
thistle r
NO NEPOTIsM.
Prof. Huckleberry Hawkins then Sc
cured the floor of the Lime Kiln Club,
on a question of privilege. He had
heard it limited around that he was
guilty of nepotism in employing his son
to assist him in bringing up wood and
cleaning lamps. He had even heard it
charged that the club had doubled his
weekly salary of one dollar. He could
not rest easy with these whispers and
insinuations floating around. and would
ask for an immediate investigation.
'De books doan' show dat your salary
has bin increased by a single cent" re-
piled the President. ''How old am your
son ?"
'I hain't got none, sab. Deonly chile
1 has am a strappin' big gal, twenty-five
years OLE"
eff you has no son den your son
couldn't have helped you, could hep"
"No, sah.
can a man who hasn't 'pinted any
body to offs or posishun can't be guilty
of nepotism, can he?"
"No, sah."
"Den you am clared of de charge, an
kin sot down an cross yer legs an feel
dat honesty an varchew am allus re-
warded, though part of it am sometimes
in trade dollars an bogus quarters, -
Detroit Free Press.
THOUGHTS ON THE BURNING MOUNTAIN.
A few days since, while returning
from a trip to the Yellowstone Park, q
Bismarck family, consisting of father,
mother and a bright six-year-old son,
stopped at Little Missouri to view the
the station and rode out six miles south
to see that wonderful curiosity, the
Burning Mountain. While sitting upon
the grass near by, watching the heated
vapors arise from the burning pit, the
little one asked:
Mamma, who lzindles that fire ?"
'God does, darling"
The youngster sat for a moment in
deep thought, and, looking up into the
eyes with a knowing glance,
asked:
Mamma, does God jump out of bed
and kick over the chairs and slam the
loors and say he'll be dad slammed if
He'll stand this thing much longer? ?"
Then there was painful silence of
several moments, and then the man
yazed dreamiIy and abstractedly away
If to the south and softly remarked
hat the Bad Lands never looked SO
beautiful as they do in September
Bismarck Tribune.
DOTS.
T ,rr,rr.r7 NT,Pv is intimate with q family
If six children. whose parents have had
he nursery hung with portraits of each
,ne of them. The little girl was telling
Ter father about the pictures, and finally
.niI IsPnnn RattInr Il / had that room