Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-10-29
SEEING A MERMAID.

Do you recollect the tent at the
fair ground, the front of which was
decorated with voluptuous looking
mermaid, a whale, and marine
monster that looked like the relics of
a horrid nightmare? Well, it was
| there nevertheless and standing out
as prominent as wart on fat wo-
mans chin. 1 was standing in the
vicinity of the mermaid pictured upon
the outer curtain, and was wondering
how Leander must have felt in the
arms of Scylla under the ponderous
sea, when the Snowman of that mann
moth aggregation of curiosities open
ed with the following speech:
"Naow, ladies and gentlemen, is
your time to witness the only genoo-
inc mermaid ever placed on exhibit
ton. Hight five feet four inches,
and tipping the scales at one hundred
and twenty-five pounds. If not pre-
zactly like the photograph / hold in
my hand, your money will be refund
ed merely upon making application.
Twenty-Five cents is the-what did
you remark, young lady?"
81 say" said the young lady in
question, Il don't believe there is
any such thing as a mermaid. I've
looked in the dictionary, and it says
there isn't
(which shows that your dictiona-
ry is not of the revised edition." an
swered the Snowman. ''My dear
young lady, do I not look like a man
of truth and veracity? The mermaid
we place on exhibition is an exact
counterpart of the one on yonder
wind-tossed curtain. 1t was captur-
ed off the coast of Sicily in five faith
oms of water by becoming entangled
in the boats anchor. Twenty-Five
cents will convince you of your mis-
take, and of mans inhumanity to
man. Did you say"
''Well then, I'm going in; but if
[ find [ have been deceived, I shall
call for my money right back"
''And you shall have it, he an
swered. Then, as she disappeared
behind the curtain, he continued !:
"Who wants to see one of the great
est curiosities ever placed on exhibit
ton. A genooine mermaid seven
feet ten inches in hight, and weigh
ing prezactly two hundred pounds.
Did you say you wanted to invest,
old gentleman?''
'Now, girls, put your money right
up-put it up, say
s'But we want to see it." remarked
one of the girls
"You don't. [ tell We it's all
bosh-nothin' but bosh. There
amt no sech thing as a mairmaid in
existence. Mairmaids are humbugs
humbugs, [ tell ye''
my dear SIR broke in the show
man, eff the mermaid in yonder in
closure is not prezactly like the pict-
ure you are so intently gazing at,
your money will be refunded merely
upon making application. 1t was
captured off the misty Hebrides by a
mammoth whaling fleet in search of
Brigham Young, and cost us five
thousand dollars, if it cost cent
'Hey? What did you say? You'll
fork over the money if the thing amt
up to natvr?''
81 said it; and what | say is as
true as what | shall again repeat, -
answered the Snowman.
''Then gals, we'll 90 in-go in on
them conditions, I say. If it ain
up to natur-back comes the money.
Is that it, mister?'
"That's it," answered the show
man; then, as they likewise disap-
peared behind the curtain, he contin-
ued "Here, ladies and gentlemen,
is one great chance of lifetime.
Three mammoth monstrosities placed
on exhibition for the small sum of
twenty-five cents. The only genoo-
inc sea-serpent in existence-a whale
seventy-five feet in length-and a
mermaid of such dazzling beauty
that you just want to waltz with
them among the coral caves at the
depth of the oceans deepness. 1t
was captured on the outskirts of the
Gulf Stream, clinging tenaciously to
a Turkish caique, and is supposed to
be second cousin to the siren that
upset the brave Ulysses off the coast
of Maine. Neither fish nor woman,
but altogether human, and the per-
sonification of beauty from the mer-
idian line upward. Who next
At this moment the young lady
first mentioned issued from the tent
like an injured goddess. Her mouth
was warped up into an exact pattern
of disgust, and her eyes flashed fire.
She looked neither right nor left, but
took bee line across the fair ground
and was soon lost among the masses.
Close behind was the old gentleman
followed by his two daughters in sin
gle file. He was mad. 1t stuck out
in every feature like the canker-rash.
| could see at glance that he want
ed to annihilate the whole business
but he didn't. He strobe by that
Snowman, looking like a man who