The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-04-26
WIT AND HUMOR.
To many women old point-lace be-
comes .'Old Point Comfort

Is taking ground against man the
same thing as throwing mud at him'
The duty on castor oil is to be reduced
This viii be delightful information for
the small boy.
If congress adjourns without reducing
the duty on false hair the women of this
country will never forget it.
The evil that men do live after them
Even when an amateur cornetist dies
he leaves the fatal instrument after him.
We never knew person to eat ordi-
nary lumber, but We have known them
to dine on shipboard- Whitehall Times.
A caustic wit, in speaking of an i'm
pecunious friend, said: HE settles his
debts just like clock-work-tick, tick,
tick"
A young woman in Missouri, crazed
by religion, imagines herself an angel.
1t is usually craZed young men who i'm
agine young women to be angels.
A German father, who publishes the
marriage of a daughter, gleefully says:
..She was the last of the half dozen The
Lord be praised"
A paper heads column of personals
''Men and Things''-which certainly is
not very gallant or gentlemanly way
of referring to the other sex.
MY Husbands Secret" was written
by lady. 1t isn't the first instance Oh
record of lady giving her husbands
secrets away to the public.
] A Vermont youth, at his mothers
funeral, said to the neighbors: me
and father are obliged to you all, and
hope soon to be able to do as much for
you"
Farmers in Manitoba are blasting out
their fields and are bringing the frozen
Jumps into the kitchen to thaw out.
They hope to get the soil ready for
planting by the 4th of July.
Lucy II. Hooper confesses that she
has succumbed to the frank bonhomie''
of the prince of Wales, despite his pee
cadilloes. The prince has not yet been
heard from.
At medical examination young
aspirant for a physicians diploma was
asked: ''When does modification en-
sue?" when you propose and are re-
iected,' was the reply.
After all, there is vast deal of COM
mon sense in the remark of the deserter
when he said: I'D rather be coward
all my life than corpse for fifteen min
uteS."
A Connecticut minister has denounced
the time-honored custom of kissing at
church sociables. That is all right; no.
body wants the ministers to do the kiss
ing; Wen do it ourselves.-Puck.
The fashionable young woman of the
future is to abandon pet dogs, embroid-
cred storks, and all that sort of thing,
and adopt photography as her amuse-
ment.
The telephone is in the Sandwich is
| lands, and as ''hello" in the native dia-
lect is Observation-Disclosures"
you can imagine what kind of time
they have at the central"
The census proves that the number of
persons in a family in the United States
is y small fraction over five. In some
families the husband is the small frac-
ton over.
What nice time there would be if
the negroes were to start bald mans
association. Why the candidates would
all be black-bald before they were pro-
posed
Over two tons of hair-pins are turned
out daily by the factories, and vet
man found with q new one clinging to
his coat can't make his wife believe that
it belongs to her.
A patent electric advertisement in one
of the papers has a picture of Mrs.
Langtry with an electric belt ON. She
must have got SICK since she was here.
| Perks San.
A lady and her husband visited a gen.
tleman on one occasion, who was an
lnveterate tobacco chewer. but a very
large hearted man, and the lady told a
! friend after that he was "the most how
spit-able man" she had ever met.
''Does your Helen remind you of
Helen of Troy?" she asked sweeGy as
the sofa springs fiattened under pres
sure of 100 pounds. No, not precisely;
you remind me of Helen of Avoirdu-
pois, was the scaly reply.
The fashion editor wrote: New
grenadines are in Spanish lace patterns,
and the compositor set it up. mine
grenadiers are in Spanish lake posters.
So the foreman put it under the head of
Military matters
A Louisville restaurant has added
eight kinds of pie to its bill of fare, but
the proprietor does not announce that
he is prepared to furnish Nightmares of
all grades at short notice.-Drahe'
TraUelers' Magazine.
''Hey, Johnny! is your daddy home?"
'.Yo re right he is .'Well, will you
tell him want to see him?n ''Oh, he
knows that good enough! an that's why
he's run out an hid in the woodshed."
= Yonkers Gazette.
Gen. Hazen, of the weather bureau, is
to be court-martialed. This seems to
be little harsh. 1t is possible he could
not predict the weather any better than
some of those Canadian weather cranks
We should not expect too much of an
ordinary man.
They tell of Nebraska man who
suicided because he couldn't pay debt
of Is cents. 1t was probably debt he
owed his wife, and, of course, she had
to keep talking about it, but be should
have failed, and settled with her for 8
cents.
A Cincinnati woman had her husband
arrested for abusing her. but the man
was discharged upon proving that she
"@Ni :" o'Nh INN up III o'i0 SoiuCI sew
eral times Il week and beat him with a
broom handle. When the broom handle
broke and hit her in the eye she consid-
cred herself frightfully abused.
A prominent insurance man estimates
that females will live nine months and
three days longer than males after the
age of % is passed. We can credit the
nine months. but the three days portion
of the assertion is asking us to believe
too much. The experiment is worth
trying, however. NorristoWn Herald
| Miss Phoebe Couzins is lecturing on
1.-The Correction of Certain Mistaken
Notions Regarding Eve" 1t appears
that the story that Eve began to cry and
| threatened to go home to her mothe,
because Adam. refused to buy her $500