The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1883-08-28

He'll soon learn better. Pacify pa as well
as you can, Phrony, dear; put the blame on
me If it is necessary to defend yourself. L
shall not be here long to bear fault-fnding
NOW, please, Phrony, dear, don't call me
out any more, and please, please, don't rat
Tie the dishes, and just hint to pa the situa-
ton; tell him that probably my fortune is
hanging in the balance, and ask him to eat
quietly.''
GAN right" said Sophronia, cheerfully,
"Pll do my best. Perhaps | may persuade
him to eat with his fingers, and mush is a
noiseless kind of food" Sophronia had
sense of the funny, and besides, felt cheered
at the prospective abdication of the lady of
the family.
Miss Laura again departed to happiness
Sophronia began tiptoeing about the kitch-
en-. Why she did this Is not evident. since
she was still without shoes. (Upon the
writer's honor, the wit of the last remark
was unintentional. The father came in
soon. The situation was explained to him.
For some time he had been reckoning on the
convenience of having son-in-law to get a
loan from when the wits should not produce
well. He readily fell in with the whist idea,
and Joined Sophronia in tiptoeing. He had
2l3 pounds to keep quiet; his feet had never
his boots squeaked. When he whispered
that he'd help her set the table Sophronia
was alarmed.
.'Pd rather, pa, that you'd sit down and
keep quiet; your boots are so noisy" she
| whispered.
That's a fortunate thing" he whispered
| back, ''their noise will drown the rattle of
| the Dishes"
At this he went on his toes the length of
the kitchen out to the cupboard, which was
in the wood-shed; Sophronia s'whirled in,
to clean the table of the soap and starch and
blueing, of pans and pals and clippers and
clothes poker. Then she spread the cloth,
then she went overto the stove and stirred
the mush, Then the pa came squeaking,
squeaking, squeaking, a glass tumbler in
each hand. Sophronia took them gently,
and set them slowly, holding her breath.
"Pve got an idea," whispered the man of
wits, and away he went tiptoeing back to
the cupboard.
Sophronia laid the knives and forks and
spoons, handling them as if they were of
spun glass. She heard the clatter of dishes
out at the cupboard, and began warbling to
drown the noise. Then she heard the re-
turning squeak of the pas boots. She looked,
raising warning finger. He was advanc-
ing on tiptoe, carrying tea tray loaded with
crockery and iingling glasses.
No need" he whispered at the kitchens
length, making twenty trips to the cup
board. I'll do all the fetching in one"
But" whispered Sophronia, well not
need the half nor the quarter of all those;
you'd better take them back 10 the cup
board''
"No," he whispered, still advancing on
his boot-toes, "Pll set them on the table.
and you can pick out the ones you want"
But pa" whispered Sophronia shat
the most troublesome way we could manage
it; there'll be such rattle in picking them
out, in handling over so many.n
NO" he whispered, frowning, ''that is
the best way. If you can't pick what you
want without great clatter you select
which ones you want, and I'll be bound |
can pick them out with no more sound than
II they were all covered with velvet"
"You can never do it," she whispered.
II can," he whispered, with no more
noise than If they were made of velvet"
BY this time he was at the upper end of
the room within a foot of the door. AS he
whispered the word ''velyet'' the door was
suddenly opened by Miss Laura. She had
come to say that she was getting hungry
and ask about dinner. But she did not say
the one. she did not ask the other. The
suddenly-opened door struck the end of the
loaded tray, and the pas hand His hold
was lost. There was rafting, shivering
crash. Miss Laura and Sophronia shrieked,
''Heavens!' the pa cried, 'sThunder and
blazes!' The parlor door was burst open.
and the ex-imprisoned Mr.. Gumms came
RAINING through the middle room into the
kitchen, eSclaiming:
Ladies and gentlemen, what is the mat
ter?''
"Ohl the mush is burning upr' screamed
SophI onia, discovering a fresh calamity.
She dashed to the stove, and snatched off
the smoking kettle.
Mr.. Gumms, my father" said Miss
Laura, with great mental presence People
whom Miss Laura neglected to introduce
weren' teworth introducing.
At the Introduction, the pa, who was get
ting to ais knees to save the pieces of crock
cry for prospective asparagus bed, quickly
recovered his perpendicular, bringing up in
his right hand the fraction of a soup dish.
He bowed low to Mr. Gnmms, and dropping
the fraction shook hands with the guest,
saying he was extremely happy. Then with
wave of his large, soft hand towards the
girl with the mush-kettle, he said:
my daughter Sophronia, Mr.. Gumms"
Mr.. Gumms bowed, Sophronia snickered.
Miss Laura hastily took Mr.. Gumms by
the arm and hurried him from the apart
ment of desolation.
MIR. Gumms was seen soon after at the
village tavern, eating fried ham and soda
biscuits. He has never been seen by those
villagers since.