News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-08-16
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK
Too much Notwithstanding Something
To spell Baker-CIippinRs from Texas
Siftings, Etc, Etc.
TOO MUCH vERBOsITY.

SiftiHgs, Etc, Etc.
TOO MUCH yERBOsITY.
There was a chap on the boat that
lived at Jackson, Miss, and he was tell
ing us many anecdotes regarding the
negro population. Among others he
had a friend who one day asked of an
aged darkey:
"Weu. Colonel, what particular Ossi-
fication has predOminated over the raml-
fications of late?"
The old man gave pull at his hat
with one hand and scratched his head
with TIRE other, and answered:
"Wall, sab, L reCdOns lat was him
gwine down de road a few minits ago on
top of q mewl y
There was a passenger from Rhode
Island who was greatly amused by these
anecdotes. and two OF three times after
ward [ caught him hunting in die
tionarv for big words and strlnglng them
together. When we arrived at Natchez
he was all loaded up. A lot of us went
M TO see the town, and as we gained the
crest of the long and dusty hill we met
colored woman on her way down.
Here was the chance the smart Aleck
had been waiting for, and he halted her
and demanded:
MADAM, have you systematlzed 'ne
disability of the precOciot1s lni1uenza
this morning?"
He was bowing and smiling, and she
looked thunder-struck. After minute
she asked:
"What's dat you remark? ?"
81 percolated the interrogation as to
whether YOU had ambuscaded the gigan-
tic verbosity," he continued.
"No, sab, I hasn't" she said as she
removed the basket from her head, ''but
lie gwine to right away!'
With that she brought him clip with
her hand on his ear, and followed 1t up
bv a bunt in the back that sprawled him
into the dust and left him gasping like
fish
"If de verbosity wants emmy mo- he
can foller me down to the levee!' she
remarked as she walked off; but he
didn't. He was dust from head to foot
his humorous nature had evaporated,
and he got back to the boat to keep his
berth for the next eight hours. The
negro is an odd coon at times, but there
are other times when the Gigantic YER
! 1,iC
within a od.-DptrOH Free Press,
THE RELIEF.
There is one humorous incident con-
nected with the Seventh Regiments
! turn at the New York State camp in
PeekskiIl that has not yet appeared in
print. The senhnels had been left on
post an hour longer than the prescribed
time. It was raining, and they were
wet. tired and hungry. General Viii
son, of the regular army, accompanied
the officer of the day on the grand rounds
that night in order to Judge Of the disci-
pline and competency of the city sol
diers.
"HaIt! Who comes there?" one sen
try asked.
"The Grand Rounds" was the reply.
ooh. pshawl / thought it was the
relief" said the young soldier, forgetting
all about the formula, and letting his
feelings escape him.
A FARMERS FORESIGHT.
sJobn said Farmer Jones, "'write tC
all orr CITY relatives and tell them tc
come and visit Jus. Be sure, however
to state that the house is so OVerrun witt
rats that it is hardly safe to sleep IN any
of the bedrooms. Be sure to put tina
in. John. 1t will certainly keep away
the women folks, and the women vii
keep the men from coming. Gracious
John. do hate to tell lie, but l can,
stand having all our city relatives spong
inc off us every summer. "-FhHadel
phia Herald.
FREE TRADE STATISTICS.
s'Did Won hear about that row yestel
dav. and that Col. Peter Sandy wa
knocked down, and Major Sampleby ha
his nose broken?'
, 'sNo, didn't hear about it. How dl'
it happen? ?"
"Why, they were discussing the tarit
! question. and it Just happened III tn
=, regular course of conversation. "-1era
. Siftinq$.
HOW THE LANDLORD EXPLAINS.
f .sSee here, landlord you advertised
9 big, four-story hotel. with a grove
] fountains, bathing, boating ETC., and
| arrive here to find shanty stuck in tn
e pine woods and the nearest lake mil
e away. Explain yourself, sir y
t 'With the greatest of pleasure. Ih
I cut of the hotel was one left on tn
/ printers hands, and he worked it in
n fill ont the column. | ought to hay
. mentioned in the advertisement that
$ was the cut of hotel Mt Long Brancl
:, but I neglected to. Come right in
n beautiful scenery, woods full of snakes
), rates down to 81 per day and childre
il charged full prices. - Detroit Frf
d Press.
N GOING TO READ SOMETHING ELSE.
q The newspaper editor who has lee
,. vexing his soul over the way the yout
:, of the land gulped down dime novels
:" the Observation-Disclosures sort can feel be
: ter. A change of sentiment has alreaC
, betrayed itself, and there is reason
" hore that "One-Eyed Dick and "Dea
q Shot Jim" will soon be out of prn
III u Yesterday lad of fourteen, who has d
l. voured about thousand five and tt
cent novels during the last year, e
tered Woodward ave. news-stOre, al
., when the clerk handed him down CT
- Black Demon of the Prairies' and otl
=: late publications of the sort he turn
=. away with a sigh and remarked
- 81 dou't care for EN- amy more. "
~ "Why, what's the matter?'
~. "Well, | read Inim stories and I
-, away to become an lnjun-slayer. L
~ brought me back and whaled me halt
death. ! read pirate stories and ship
ON Il schooner for Buffalo and aim