The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1883-12-06
Lynn Classes Again.

Your correspondent put the cast
only as it occurred and was witness
ed by number of accurate, ,painstak
| ing gentlemen of unimpeachablt
character. Since l gave the scien.
tific reason for the phenomenon,
find other men, intelligent and Civ
en- to accuracy, who say they have
always known that an animal is
heavier dead than alive. These are
hog and sheep and fine stock men,
and not of those who sit on a high
stool and look wisely into pigeon
hole desk for inspiration to write
homilies on ''how to farm" and
then 90 to the fair and ask if that
is a horse or a mule. physical
impossibility" has been the argu-
ment used to disprove every discov-
cry since Adam, and doubtless our
inustrious and much abused pro
genitor himself would have forestall-
ed Newton and discovered gravita-
tion when be saw the apples fall if
Eve had not been by to cry ''physi
cal impossibility.' Gallileo was
derided and imprisoned for uttering
such heresy as that the earth re-
volved-"physical impossibility." If
the world had listened to these
'p. l." fellows it might have been
inhabited by Darwin's apes sure
enough. A few years ago l Ireport-
ed rainfall from a clear sky, and
this same squeaking objection came
up from all directions, until Prof.
Jones (the good scientist he isl
came to my rescue and explained
it in meteorological phrase. Then
the boys came flockipg in to corrob-
crate me-the towards. In this
hog controversy l have the hog on
my side, the witnesses, science anu
theory and now comes the honorable
editor himself and grants me 1-l5Oth
If a pound. An, sir, l welcome you
over on our side! Now be generous
and give us a few more feet of gas,
and that will give us a few more
pounds of hog, and that settles 1t
Our hog was a desperately hot, fat
hog, uncommonly charged with gas,
and now since we have got you, Mr..
Editor, to furnish part of the gas, we
are sure of the balance.
Since the first experiment anoth-
er hog has been weighed on the
same scales and he weighed exactly
the same after bleeding profusely,
but he was still gasping and the
gas escaping. This does not dis
prove my theory for that reason,
and perhaps that was the condition
of the Nashville hog. All our fat
people are happy believers in my
theory. Who has not observed the
joyous buoyancy of spirit that. hovss
ers about obesity, and the languid,
heavy detection that sits upon the
countenance of your lean, lank ca
daver like a sick ghost? The fat
ones may not go spinning off to
glory till their time comes, but
their genial, generous, joyous, jubi-
liant, gentle natures brings glory
here and fits them to spin when
the time arrives. Shall | say the
reverse of this for the bony man?
If old Caesar had not become
frightened and lost his breath Cas-
siGs would not have had occasion to
brand him coward. Bathers know
that with inflated lungs it is impos-
sible to sink. The weight with
which dead animal sinks and the
impossibility of sinking a living
one proves my theory. How you
semi-skeleton folks will envy us fat
ones when my discovery is perfect
ed! AS we ride impond'rous upon
the wings of the winds or sit like
floating zephyrs upon the gilded
edge of a slanting sunbeam, we'll
look down and pity the foot-sore
mortals doomed to crawl the earth
like shadows, yet unable to cast
shadows themselves, and when we
arrive fresh as the morning at the
feast always kept spread by the
gods for.the wary and wise we'll sip
TO the health of those who were too
lean, lank, lazy and lowly to get
there in time for a crust.
LYNN