The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1883-09-20
HUMOROUS,

AulcElCdll uCbGS-1 csuStshCos 81
A dark horse-The nightmare.
Woman's sphere-A ball of yarn.
Strictly plain-The Westera prairies.
At standstill-The peanut busi-
ness.
A. knight Of the razor-Saturday
night.
a garden "waul "a cat on the
fence.-Nea, York Journal.
High life--Housekeeping on the top
floor of a nine-story tenement.
AV spent in watermelons will W
up. q the point.--RocheSter EIpress.
a. tramp called his shoes corpora
tions because they had no soles.--Ct'1-
cia1lGti ITdceleT.
An Indian chief bears the name OF
"Looking Glass" He is the terror OF
the plain.-Boston Transcript.
The greatest swell on earth
Is an apple peeled and dried,
And the ne NEST swell on elrtn
Is big boil en- ones hide.
Three years constant study in Italy
will make an American girl know too
much to sing in church, and too little
to be useful in opera. PSesGy,t'ae.
A merchant may make aTeduetion
in the price of his material $Ylthou out
making any material reduction in hlis'
price.
Ruskin says no couple should marry
until they have courted seven years.
This would Lead one to thinkthat Rus
kin runs soda mountain 7. -. Boston
Post. -
"Mercy p exclaimed Mrs. F., as she5
caught sight Of the cameleopard, .just
look at that Least! What long neckTs
"Yes," replied Fogg, "the most re-
markable case Of soar throat / ever
aw."-Boston TRANSCRIPT.
"Where is the girl Of long agoY
sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her the
other day, Joaq. But she isn't a girl
any more. She had gray hair and q
wart On her nose, anI no teeth and
wore specs-Salem sunbeam.
A plant has BEEN found that cures
bashfulness. 1t should be promptly
tried on the man who leaves the hotel
by the back window because he Is too
ditlident to say goodbye to the cashier
and clerk Chicago Tribune.
1 A Vassar college girl has written a
novel called "The Foolish Virgin" It
is probably about girl who went of
to college without supplying herself
with enough gum to last her until
vacation.-PhizadelphiG Neaos.
Little Johnny says that all men do
not belong to the animal kingdom.
For instance, there is the circus pro-
prietor. He doesn't belong to the
animal kingdom, but the animal king
dom belongs to him.-BoSton Tram
script.
The average young lady wants at
least four feet Of seat in a street car
for ride Of six blocks, but she will
ride half day Sunday squeezed into a
buggy seat beside h.r young man and
not find the least fault.-Detroit Free
Press.
The speaker who alluded to his can
didate as "the war-horse that snuffed
the battle from afar," climbed up to
the compo ,ition-room with club
after reading it in the paper as "the
ward boss that snatched a bottle from
a bar Boston Bulletin.
\ lady said her husband will sit on
barbed wire fence all the afternoon
to see baseball match, and never
move muscle, but when he goes to
church he can't sit in a cushioned pew
for fifteen minutes without wiggling
all over tha seat, and changing his po-
sition forty tmes.-Pecks Sun.
One Of the letters of introduction
Miss Kate Field brought with her
to Denver was from Sir Charles Dixie
to Judge McCurdy. She sent anote to
the Windsor hotel Office, asking where
the Judge could be found. The an
swer came back: "DUn't know; he's
been dead eight years. s."-Dencer 1ri-