Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-09-24


BILE ''hauls" must have gone to sleep in a
quarry.
Never propose to girl in writing. 1t
is ''present company" that is "always
accepted"
Sending kilograms by mail is about
equal to buying railroad ticket and max
ing the journey on foot.
"Revenge is sweet" said the victim of
a plumber, as he noticed that individual
making purchase at retail drug store.
A wild woman has been captured near
Louisville. She had probably read some
where that the ice-cream crop was blight
ed.
If a great poet Burns Horace, Prior to
going Home, and is Scott, Shelley con-
fess 1t, what his Wordsworth is Mar
veil.
A contemporary mentions case be-
Yond the ordinary oculist; it is that of a
young lady who, instead of a pupil, has
professor in her eye.
Nothing good is ever effected without
perseverance. 1t will never do to quit
just when you have found the place where
the flea was at last accounts.
care trade dollars taken at par? in
quired little Rufus Bolts of his mother.
"No, but they are taken from Pa, when
he goes to bed with his boots on"
A Texas woman only ninety-nine years
old has been married seven times, and
yet she isn't half so good looking as lots
of girls who can't even catch a beau.
Said the girl who had quarreled with
her lover: "Oh, it's all right (! Harry
said he should try to forget me, but he
always fails in everything he undertakes.
ssWalk slower, papa" cried the little
girl whose short steps were no match for
the strides of her masculine progenitor,
"Can't you go nice and slow like police
men ?"
The cost of stopping train of cars is
said to be from forty to sixty cents.
When the train is stopped by another
train these prices become somewhat in
fated.
Statistics show that the largest num-
Der of marriages are by persons under
twenty-three years of age. Does this
prove that as people grow older they be-
come wiser?
A little girl read a composition before
the minister. The subject, GA Cow"
She wove in this complimentary sentence /:
ga COW is the most useful animal in the
world except the preacher"
Lord Dufferin thinks that before the
close of the next century Canada will
have forty million people. He probably
bases his estimate on the natural increase
in the number of banks in the United
States.
Crushed strawberry village
carts are now seen at Newport, but the
statement that ssthey are driven by donk-
eys whose ears are bound with ribbon is
typographical error The word "driven''
should be 'drawn."
The largest cow in America, it is be-
lieved, belongs TO John Pratt of Chase
county, Kansas. It is 8 years old, %
hands high and weighs 5000 pounds. But
she wouldn't scare woman any more
than yearling heifer.
Gen. Beauregard says he observes with
grief "a gradual decline in the negro
race. All, yes; they decline to invest in
the Louisiana lottery. Perhaps the gen.
eral may have observed similar decline
in the post-offlce department.
A boaster in hotel was telling of the
many sections of the country that he had
visited. A fellow at his elbow asked,
ssHave you ever been in Algebra ?" "Oh,
yes,' said the boaster, ST passed through
there on the top of stage coach about
year ago."
When the editor proposed and was ac-
cepted, he said to his sweetheart: "I
would be glad if you would give me a
kiss" then, observing her blush, he
added, mot necessarily for publication,
but as guarantee of good faith She
could not resist that.