The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1883-03-13
The Bad Milwaukee, Boy.


began TO smoke it.
"Shut thai door, dun YOU. Was you
brought up in a saw MILF You'll freeze
every potato in the house M, hav-
emit got vaseline. What do you want
of vaseline y said the grocery man. as
he sat the syrup keg on a chair oy the
stove where it would thaw out
"Want to rub it on pas legs" said
the boy, as he tried to draw smoke
through cigar stub.
"Why, whatis the matter with your
pas legs ~, Rheumaliz P. r.
"Wuss nor rheumatic" said the boy
as he threw away the cigar stub and
drew some cider in broken tea cup =
'Pa has got the worst looking bind legs
You ever saw. "You see, since there
has been so many fires, pa has got offul
scared, aad has bought three fire es
capes, made out OF rope with knots in
them, and he has been telling us everv
day how he could rescne the whole fsm-
lily in case of fire. He told US to be
cool, whatever happened, and 10 rely on
him If the house got on fire we were
all to rush to pa, and he would save u.s.
Well, last night ma had TO 60 10 one Of
the ue:ghbors, where they was going to
have twins, and We didn't sleep much
cause ma had to come home twice in the
night to get saffron, and an old fame
petficoat that broke in when ! was 6
kid, cause the people where ma went did
not know as twins was on the bill o.
fare, and they only had flannel petticoat'
for one. Pa was cross at being KEEP
awake, and told ma he hoped when al
the children IN Milwaukee were born
and got grown up, she would take il
her sign, and not 90 around nights act
ing as usher to baby matinees Pa says
there ought to he law that babie:
should arrive on the regular day trains
and not wait for The midnight express
Well, pa he got to sleep and slept til
about eight O'Clock in the morning, ant
the blinds were closed, and 1t was dafl
in his room, and / had waited foi m,
breakfast till l was hungry as a wolf
and tue girl told me to wake pa up, so
went up stairs, and | don't know wha
made me think of it, bat had some o
this powder they make red fire with il
the theater, that me and my chum hat
the 4th Of July, and | put it in wasl
dish in the bath room and / touched i
off and hollered fire. / was going tc
wake pa up and then tell him it was al
right, and laugh at him | guess ther,
was too much fire, or yelled too lord
cause pa jumped out of bed and grab
bed a rope and rushed through the bal
towards the back window, that goes on
on shed / tried TO say something
but pa ran over me and told me TO save
myself, and I got to the back windov
TO tell him there was no fire just as b.
let himself out the window He ha'
one end Of the rope tied to the LEG o
the wash stand, and he was climbing
down the back side of the shed by th'
kitchen, with nothing on but his nigh
shirt and he was the horriblest looking
oljsct ever was, with his legs fving an
trying to stick his toe nails into The rop'
and the side Of the house. don't thinl
a man looks well in society with nothing
on but his night shirt. didn't blame
The hired girls for being scared wher
they saw pa and his legs coming dowr
outside the wi1dow, and when they yell
ed l went down to the kitchen, and they
said crazy man with no clothes but {
pillow case around his neck was trying
to kick the window in. and they run into
the parlor, and ! opened the door anC
let pa in the kitchen. He asked ne {
any body else was saved. and then tolC
him there was no fire, aud he must hav,
dreamed he was in hell, or somewhere
Well, pa was astonished. and said b,
must be wrong in the head, and lei
him thawing himself by the stove while
l went after his pants, and his legs wer'
bsdly chilled, hut l guess nothin' wa
frcza He lays it all TO ma, and SAYS i
she would stay at home and let the peo
Pile run their own baby shows, ther,
would be more comfort in the house.
Ma came in with shawl over her head
and howl full of something that smell
ed frowy. and after she had told US wha
The result of her visit was, she sent M
after vaseline to rub pas legs. Pa say
be has demonstrated that il man i
cool and collected in case of fire, ant
goes deliberately at work to save him
self, he will come out all right"
"Well, you are the meanest boy ev
er heard Of" said the grocery man.
"But what about your pas dancing |
clog dance IN church Sunday. The min
ister's hired girl was in here after som,
ccd6sh yesterday morning, and she sait
the minister SAID your pa hal scandaliz
ed the church the worst way"
20, he didn't dance in church. H
was little excited, that's all. You see
pa chews tobacco, and its pretty bar,
on him to sit all through the sermon
without taking chew, and he gets ner
vous. He always reaches srouLd in hi
pistol pocket, when they stand up t.
sing the last tune, and feels in his tobac
CO box and gets out chew, and puts
in his mouth when the minister pro
nounces the benediction, ard then whel
they get out of doors he is already t,
spit. He always does that. Well, m,
chum had present on Christmas, Of
music hox, just about as big as pas to
bacco box, and all you have te do is t.
touch spring and it plays, ashes
Daisy, She's Dumpling." borrowed
it and put it in pas pistol pocket, where
be keeps bis tobacco box, and when th'
choir got most through singing pc reach
ed his hand in his pocket and began tc
tumble around for chew. He touched
the spring, and just as rybody bowed
their heads to receive the bene3iction
and it was so still you could hear a gun
drop, the music box began to play, ant
in the stiffness it sounded as loul as /.
church organ. Well, | thought ms
would sink The minister heard it, anc
he looked toward pa, and everybody
looked at pa, too, and pa turned red
and the music box kept up "She's
Daisy" and the minister looked mac
and said "Amen." and the people begsr
to put on their coats, and the ministc
told the deacon to hnnt up the source o
that worldly music, and they took p'
into the room back OF the pulpit ant
searched him, and ma says pa will hav