Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1883-11-22
A Mean Trick.
Mr.. JULIUS X. JUDKINs AND THE CALI
FORNIAN.
THRILLING WITH THE FEELINGS OF AN
AMERICAN CITIZEN.
fSan Francisco Post.1

A well known fellow citizen, now prowl.
ing-not to say growing through Europe
writes us the following touching experience
had been for about half an hour, he
says, sitting on the deck of one of the mis-
cradle little packets that ply between
Dover and Calais and exasperating my fel-
low passengers by refusing to join in the
carnival of sea-sckness going on around me
when ruddy-faced, -whiskered, bluff
looking individual, who had been eyeing me
for some time, stepped up and said
BEG pardon, I'm sure but are you real
ly the American ?"
"rhe American !" Ireplied; "there are
several, believe"
"Oh. Of course, to be sure. | meant the
one on board. saw Geo. B. Blank, San
Francisco, California. U. s. painted on some
Of the baggage, and picked YOU out right
away as the owner" And the stranger in
spected me from head to foot with as vivid
curiosity as if I'd been wild man of the
woods.
"Well," l finally exclaimed. ~ am an
American. What can l do for you ?"
"Why y-er-nothing-that is-no offence,
| hope, and you are Californian, too 9
he said, rubbing his hands as though he had
! indeed met rara aris. "Ever scalped by
the Indians ?"
al think not" replied
you've scalped some of them, though,
haven't you ?" persisted my inquisitor
Concluding that inasmuch as | was in
for being made side-show of | might as
well indulge in some Of the circus-poster
sort of thing, looked my questioner calm
ly in the eyes and replied "Some twenty
six or seven, forgot which; / have the
tally nicked in the handle of my other
scalping knife; carry only one bowie in
this country. SO seldom one runs across
any fun over here, you know
Ever been divorced" I" said the stranger,
whose eyes were now sticking out like the
pegs on hat-rack.
mime times, think" said ''In fact
intended to have been again when passed
Chicago on my way over, but the train only
stopped eleven minutes and there wasn't
time to rush it through takes twenty-five
minutes YOU know"
| | thought this had knocked him out, but
after few minutes bewidered congitation
| he returned to the charge once more.
as it really true that all Americans wear
| chest protectors and eat nothing but pie ~
"Well, YOU see. the fact is that Americans
are, as you know, such frightfully busy
people that they haven't time 10 sit down
and eat square meal like you English
| They mus, have something portable, some
thing they can carry about with them and
nibble on the sly. tell you, sir, it looks
like bushes. when you see forty or fifty men
al! hanging on to the straps Of street car
with one hand and eating pie with the
. other"
81 should rather think so" murmured the
stranger.
''As for the chest protectors" continued
"they are really nothing more than pockets
suspended around the neck and large enough
TO carry whole pie, which it keeps warm
at the same time. A good, hot mince pie
slowed away in this manner not only imparts
gentle and grateful warmth to the entire
system, but keeps whole days rations al
wavs within reach of the wearer. Grand
idea, isn't it p
well I'm blessed said nv fairly
paralyzed interrogation, gazing at my child
like and ingenious face with profound awe.
"Would-er-would you oblge me with
one Of YOUR cards ?" he said. II want to
show it 10 my family. or they'll never believe
a word of this-never. Thanks-here' s
mine
As | stepped chuckling into my own COM
partment | glanced at the card Of the
stranger. 1t read: Julius X. Judkins,
San Francisco, Cal"
have spent about eight hours day look
ing for that man ever since. There will be
bloodshed out Of this yet-mark my words.