The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1883-08-11
ALL SORTS.

| puffsd and draped this year.
We are all in favor of knee e-breeches
fer the letter carriers.-Many Faithful
Bulldogs.
While her mother was taking dy out
of the butter, little Daisy asked: SIS that
butter fly, mammal"
| When poor fellow begins going to
the dogs,it is only his dog who continues
to sympathizs with him.
The man who invented the phrase,
"Juss as easy as rolling of log" must
have tried to cross the river on one.
The LII. D. crop OF this year is very
large sone. but some Of it has heen gath
| cred before it was ripe.-Roston Tray
eler.
If we did but know how little some
enjoy of the things they possess, thera
would not be very much envy in the
| world.
| The country preacher is expected to
be poor and humble. His congregation
must keep him poor, the Lord viii make
him humble.
| Money and fame are two things that
men work hardest for; and after death
one is worth just about as much to them
as the other.
| If you don't want evil things said of
you, dop't do evil things. It is poor
| policy to grow feathers for your enemy's
| arrows.
| "What is meant by Sabbath-d days
| journey?" John-"The distance between
any place and the nearest good fishing
ground"
| The "Great Eastern" last year earned
$65, and cost 329000 Now, If We
| didn't know the "Great Eastern" was
steamship, we would think it was a
member of Congress.
The vanity of loving fine Clothes aud
new fashions, and valuing ourselves by
them, is one of the most childish pieces
of folly that can be.
"If ours" exclaims the Chicago Inter
Ocean, sis not government of the sa-
| loon keeper by the saloon keeper for the
saloon keeper, what is itP"
A Pennsylvania man still has In his
possession the first pair of pants he ever
wore. Unlike most fathers, he hasn't
tried to work 'em off on the boys.
The difference between long and
short yarn is very well illustrated by the
difference of ones feelings in holding
skein for ones grandmother or for ones
sweetheart.
A desire to make everybody happy
and comfortable can be carried to ex-
| tremes. An Indiana landlord has been
| fined 800 for kissing lady who was
guest at his hotel.
It appesrs that alum is sometimes
| added to wines to give astringency and
| to raise the color. For its detection,
eyaporate to dryness, and then set fire to
| the organic matter.
| Mr.. Sherman loves to sit on the porch
| and watch the lawn mower rattle among
| the trees. So do we; and so long as
somebody else pushes the machine we
| don't care how much it rattles.-Boston
| Star.
/ It is calculated by scientists that
man can MIKE more of blamed nui-
sanoe of himself in fye minutes with q
| garden hose than he can in an hour and
| Citizen.
The reason the wives of Brigham
Young do not GO to his grave and weep
| is good one. No woman wants to go
to her husbands grave to shed tears and
find another woman there doing it,
Boston Post.
have often noticed that gallant young
men walking with their sweethearts offer
their left arm. Why is this? Edith
The left arm is nearest the heart the
right arm is nearest the pocketbook.
Philadelphia News.
"Going out of town this summer"
somebody asked drygoods clerk the
other day. Summer nothing" was the
curt reply. ST can get all the mosqui-
toes and stale fish want right where I
board in Harlem. The Judge.
The principal OF q Massachusetts, in
land academy saw fit to expel one of his
boys, who then wrote home to his father
in justification of his course: 81 got
expelled for riding with the girls, bat I
took the neatest, cleanest, prettiest girl
there was in town"
At the dinner to the newsboys at the
Soldiers Home one boy had eaten all he
could possibly hold, when he leaned back
and said to his partner. skinny, my
stomach will think my throat is out"
Volumes could not say more.-Peck's
Sun.
A lady poet asks: "How can / tell
him I love him no more ?" Probably the
best way is to get HIM into an ice cream
saloon, eat five dishes and then break the
news gently. IL he doesn't accept the
situation you had better try and love him
again. You can never do better.
A Philadelphia police sergeant says he
has arrested men hopelessly, helplessly.
rolling drunk, with $1,000 in their pock-
ets. Beg pardon, sergeant, but man
with $1,000 doesn't get drunk. He may
, succumb to- malaria, or eat buttered
Watermelon, but he doesn't get drunk.
, School committeeman Examining
pupil): where is the north pole7n at
! don't know, SIR" "Don't knowf Are
you not ashamed that you don't know
! where the north pole Isl" "Why, sir, if
Sir John Franklin and DR.. Kane and
! Captain DeLong couldn't find 1t, how
8 should know where it is?"
Accustom yourself to submit on all
and every occasion, and on the most
minute, no less than on the most i'm
portant circumstances in life, to small
7 present evil, to obtain q greater distant
! good. This will give decision, tone. and
! energy TO the mind, which, thus disci.
] pinned, will often reap victory from de-
feat and honor from repulse. -Colton.
!. "What dye leave that door open for7.
!. exclaimed the gentleman in the Office to
j the intruding peddler." "Oi thought.
surr," was the quick reply. that ye
moight want to kick me down stairs, and
!. Oh wanted to make it convenient for re,
+ snrr." Tho gentleman was so taken
L. 4. @f,~1& e.