National Republican., 1883-07-07


than June--one day longer.-0A C,B Derrick.
TWELVE per cent. of the suicides in Eng
land and 25 per cent ofthose in Germany are due
TO intemperance.
BOY says in his composition that Onions
are the vegetables that make you sick when
you don't eat them yoursclf"-Arkansas Horse
Shoe.
"YEs," she said, "Id like to mako my hus-
band present OF handsome Bible It's some
thing we need Oh the parlor table, but he might
take IL us a slur."--BoStOn Post.
BosroN claims TO have received straw
berries nine inches In circumference. Whom that
kind of fruit reaches Detroit We are going to call
om pumpkins In an honest, straightforward way.
-tree frc5s.
BEFORE the city directory man takes CEN
sus Of ST. Louis watermelonsare always sent there
from Chicago TO double up the population. After
that an official count is made showing how unro-
liable 81. Louis figures aro.-hew Orleans Plea
ytne.
IT is painful on our holidays, says the Bos-
ton Herald, to SEQ so many poor women tugging
around poor babies, in the mstakan idea that
they are having good time. When they get to
heaven how disappointed they will be If that
turns out as expected, to be place of rest.
"ERIE hack drivers have adopted the fash
ion ofwearlng plug hats to funerals" says the
Observer, OF that city, and a wicked contemporary
remarks that with plugs in their pockets as we'll
as oil their heads and plugs In front of the hack
the eternal fitness of things is maintained"
"SAvE the Sweetest Kiss for Mother" is
the title of the latest new song. The author evil
IDENTIFY overlooks the fact that the young mans
precious time is so completely occupied in paying
his respects TO tho daughter that the old lady
stands mighty slim chance of getting any kiss ut
all.-Gold Leaf
ONE of tho subjects TO be discussed at the
Concord school of philosophy this yeat is the
distinction of reality and potentlality IRON true
actuality." The Boston Post doesn't see why the
school should tackle that subject rs. In order to
feel any interest in 1t, 1t supposes perAon would
need TO be about two-thrds drunk.
The Covington (Ga Star says: "Our Sec
tion can show bachelor under forty who has not
called on young lady in fifteen years. Who can
beat him2' The pretty schoolmaams of that
town ought to attempt the task If their switch
ing doesn't have any effect upon his obstinacy,
away with him to the public clubber.
A CRANK who has been collecting I" facts
for farmers says there 100000 hives of bees
in the United States. 1t will be seen that there il
nowhere an odd hive. The New Orleans Ptcdyune
complains that the Information is not complete.
1t should give the exact number OF bees, and tell
how much honey is made without them.
THE Chicago Ne,CS thus gives the mayor of
that city left. handed compliment: 1.-THE in
fluence of the black bottle in politics is only
equaled by the influence of the beer keg. The
two together are irresistible. MIR. Harrison has
| his foot and his hand on the other, and all
| he needs now is u tin crown and the gilt cye-
brows to be a Gambrinus."
| Massey has returned to Bascom's and
writes A man with the alcohol disease in his
stumick, complicated with seven UP and pin pool,
is the sole property NV the most convenient gro
sery He can't git away from 1t. reglar liltker
s'loon with card table will beet an Amerikin
wife, family, church. and Sunday skool 1t is the
one thing on earth that hez supreme controle!"
THE editor of Texas Siftngs, who is visiting
this city. had a row with sheahan, the sculptor,
yesterday and challenged him to fight a duel
AS the Lone Star state scribe has recently written
u book, aud the sculptor has lately tnrned out u
head, this duel Will be the first meeting and prac-
tical illustration of storied earn and "animated
bust" The weapons should be pen and chisel; /;
distance, round the corner.-Ne,U York Commercial
advertiser.
AN exchange says that a young Chinaman
In New York spends several hours day over his
English grammar. Some one should speak to the
young Chinaman upon the folly of such labor If
he masters the English language according to
grammar 1t will then take him some time after
that to learn to talk that half his English speak
ing customers can understand him. A grammar
is ofno account in u laundry in this country
PecRs San.
CHRIsTopHER M. SPENCER, the millionaire
inventor of the repeating rifle, last year employed
a nurse from hospital in Providence TO attend
his wife, who was dying of consumption. Tie
young lady's name is Georgetta Rogers, and she
is the daughter Of u retired sea captain. She was
so attentive TO the invalid as to excite first Mr
Spencers gratitude and then his love and on
Tuesday last the millionaire and the nurse were
married. He Is so years of age and she is 25. They
will sail for Europe next week.
> IN Leicester, England, man, "a shoe
cickcr," is on trial for "unlawfuly wounding his
wife and causing actual bodily harm" He found
her In public house and threatened to do for her
and spoil her face" He must have succeeded,
for the report goes on that "he knocked her down
and worried her face, biting her nose off, which
he spat out of his mouth" The nose of the
woman was produced in a bottle. The couple
had not been living together. Maybe the lady
| had received similar attentions from her hus-
; band before.
TIE matter of securing foreign immigrants
for South Carolina has been placed In the hands
of the state commissioner OF agriculture, who
proposes to make vigorous effort to attract set
t tiers. The Charleston NelOs says We want
good foreign settlers, who will aid in developing
the resourcesof the state, improve the condition
I of labor, and while growing rich themselves,
will contribute to the general welfare of the COM
monwealth. The immigrants who have remained
in the state long enough to feel its advantages are
well pleased with their experience, and, us a rule
are doing we'll"
Y A REMARKABLE invention is described by
i an electric contemporary, 1t is device for pho
D tographing in telephone exchange all persons
o using the telephones on wires emanating there
/ The uhotOuFanh ~ lnna ,tot,
runs under the eye Of the operator. II the person
4 using the instrument is not subscriber the fact
is at once apparent, aud the person In whose Office
, the telephone is located is charged fixed sum
!, for allowing his instrument 10 be used by one not
y entitled 10 use 1t. Each ribbon will hold $50 pho.
# tographs and when full will be filed away. It Il
Il claimed that the telepLonc service can be much
improved ii the ofthe instrument Is restricted
to subscribers only, as is likely to be the case
h the Photographic device is attached But It must
" be remembered that in some business houses II ii
"A necessary that twenty or more different person
t shall use the telephone and the Photographic tea
, ture is likely to become complicated.
N A CANADIAN writes home to the Toronto
Mail that lie saw the Princes and Princess of Vale
l. at Huntington the other day. The prince" h
4, says, "struck me as being an exceedingly hand
ID some man, slightly bald, but with splendi'
A. sparkling eye, good healthy color, and hand
v some and well trimmed glossy beard he look
m the very picture of manly health. Heis SO lik
10 his portraits that even one who had never see
him before could have no difficulty In pickin