The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-02-07
BOYS GETTING MARRIED.
A Georgia Editor's Lecture to CaIIow
Lovers.

The sparkers are looked upon BY
parents generally as a nuisance, and
often they are right. Nine tenths
OF the sparkling is done by boys who
have not got their growth, and they
look so green that it Is laughable for
the old folks to look at them. They
haven't generally an extra shirt, and
they are no more qualified to marry
than steer is to preach. And yet
marrying is about the first thing
they think Of A green boy without
a dollar, present or prospective,
sparkling girl regularly and talk
ing about marrying, is a spectacle
for gods and men. He should be
reasoned with, and if he will not
quit it till he is able to support a
wife and to know whom he loves.
and the difference between love and
passion, he should be quarantined
Or put in a convent erected on pur
| pose for such cases. NIne-tenths of
the unhappy marriages are the result
of green human calves being allow
ed to run at large in the society pas
lures without any yokes on them.
They marry and have children be
fore they do moustaches they are
fathers of twins before they are
proprietors Of two trousers, and the
little girls they marry are old wo-
men before they are twenty years
old.
Occasionally o go these y,u n
marriages turns cut all right, W, II
Is clear Case Of luck. Ii there was
a law against young galoots spark
ing and marry ing before they have
cut all their teeth, We suppose the
little cusses would evade 1t III some
way, but there ought To be a senti-
ment against it. 1t Is time enough
for these tantams To think of finding
u puliet when they have raised nioli-
ey enough to buy bundle ol la,hs
to build hen house. But they
see girl who looks cunning, and
they are afraid there is not golhg to
be girls enough To 90 around, and
then they begiu To get III their work
real spry; and before they are
aware vi The sanctity oi the marriage
relations they are hitched Tor liie,
and before they own cook Stove or
a bedstead they have to get up i'll
the night and go after doctor 50
frightened that they run themselves
out of breath, and abuse the doctor
because he dOesn':: run too. 1t is
about this time that a young man
learns that he is colossal fool, and
rs he flies around to heat water and
bring in the bath tub, and goes
whooping after his mother or her
mother, he turns pale around the
giils, his hair turns red in a single
night, and he calls high heaven to
witness that if he lives till morning,
which he has no doubt about, he
will turn over a new leaf and never
marry again till he is Older. And
in the morning the green looking
/" father" is around before drug
store is open. with no collar on,
hair sticking out all over, his eyes
bloodshot and his frame nervous.
waiting for the clerk to open the
door so that he can get some saffron
to make some tea. Less than year
ago he thought he was the greatest
man that there ever was anywhere,
but as he sits there in the house
that morning with his wedding coat
rusty and shiny, and his trousers
frayed at the bottom, and bis coat
patched at the elbow, and the nurse
puts in his arms roll of flannel
with a baby hid in it, he holds it as
he would a banana, and as he looks
at his girl wife. he thinks there is
not provisions enough in the house
to feed a canary lump comes into
his throat. and he SAYS to himself if
he had to do it over he would leave
that girl at home to grow up with
her mother, and he would wait till
he had s6 to huy fla, mel and SO to
pa, a DOCTOR Rising Darn Ga.
Gazette.