Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-04-11
PLEASANTRIES,

A BANGOR schoolmistress has 147
chews of gum, all captured during one
term of school.
THE place to look for a picked nine
now is in strawberry box.-New Or
leans Pjc0yGt1ee.
&C WHEN the swallows homeward fly"
the bartender rakes in the stamps
Neo0 York NeW8.
"WHY does a kiss raise the spirits?"
" Because it's the cream of ta-ta. -
HARVARD Lonapoon.
CAN such things be? An advertise
ment In the London Times calls for ga
wet nurse, single, and respectable.
A LIGHT smuggling Notwithstanding a
luclfer. A stare way-The theater cor
rldor after matinee. Boston Star.
A NEW English book is called Sc People
Have Met. A new American book
might be called " Men I Have Been out
to See"
The sailor is very much like his ship.
When either go ashore they are very
liable to get broken up.-PhiI0deIp1t5o
Chronicle.
A LITTLE fellow three years old, who
had never eaten frosted cake, asked at
the table for piece of that cake with
plastering on it"
JANE, light the gas" "Please, sir.
the gas is lit. "Oh, SO it is. Well,
bring in a candle; my gas bill has just
come In, and l want to look over it. >
Phal0deloh50 NeaO8.
How to solve a difficult problem:
First woman-''But, of course, there is
no way of getting at her age" Second
woman-"Oh, yes, there is. Multiply it
by two. "-PariS Paper.
BRowN-'Don't think you are doing
as well as last year, old man?" Robin
son-'But [ was not painting at all last
year. Brown Exactly SO! That is
just t?"-Lorldon Judy.
PUoE's Recipes.-To remove dandruf
Marry. To keep gloves clean-Wash
your hands. To cure CHAINS "-Pelt
them with wearied eggs. To preserve
cherries-Keep the small boys off.
A New YORK paper says: "Death
has been busy in high places this year. :"
| This is an elegant way of referring to
the many executions which have recent
ly taken place. Transcript.
In the house of commons, the other
| night, IN debate which had to do with
the Jews it was remarked: "We owe
much to the Jews" when there came a
feeling groan from member in the rear,
owe do.
MIR. r. A. PROCTOR, an English scien-
| tltic person, Is about to publish a scien-
tltic work on the "Mysteries of Time
and Space" Probably Mr.. Proctor has
1no L. I &
out his bill.-Life.
FoGG had tooth which troubled him
exceedingly, but he wouldn't have it out.
not because he was afraid to, as some of
his detractors affirmed, but because he
wished to retain 1t rs a keeps ACHE
Boston Transcript.
The Tombstone Epitaph, of Arizona,
tells of dear little boy, who when told,
upon his first day at school, that the
drst letter In the alphabet was called
GA, !" said to the echoolma'am: Chow
in HI do you know?''
"MAMMA," said little Gorham boy.
81 gave Carrie pretty good hint to go
home to-day" ''What did you do, my
son" said his mother. "Oh. filed
her mouth up with mustard and called
it apple sauce, and she took the hint"
Two friends meet Sunday morning as
one comes out of drug store. "Hello,
Charlie; out for your morning dram ?''
"Well, no; not exactly. But ( have no
scruples about telling you that [ am out
for my morning ounce. "-LoWeU C5ta-
zen.
"YoU have been very faithful, said
merchant to his clerk, a" and as a reward
a pleasant little vacation is in store for
you. There came rush of business.
and the clerks vacation turned out to be
vacation lii store. Burlington Free
Press.
A FLORIDA shark swallowed an eight
day clock accidentally dropped into the
water, and seven days later ran ashore
near Pensacola to have it wound up.
You can't fool q shark with any of your
dollar store clocks. = Detroit Free
Press.
A FRENCHMAN learning the English
language complained of the irregularity
of the verb "to co. the present tense
of which some wag had written out for
him as follows: 81 go, thou startest, he
departs, we make tracks, you cut sticks,
they absquatulate or skedaddle.
PARsoNBY taken aback: 1t took young
Parsonby all aback when, at the theater
the other evening, he whispered to his
girl that he guessed he would step out
moment to take the air, and she quietly
responded: ct is very oppressive,
George; I'll go out with you. Boston
Transcript.
The Boston evening papers were sold
by the following dispatch, dated: erich
ford, VT, april 1.-Y yesterday young
man named Osier died from the effects
OF swallowing lead shots, taken to cure
boils in swallowing them one was mis-
carried, and worked up into the brain,
causing death. :"
UNCLE JACK-"It is very good lemon
ade, l am sure; but tell me, Bonnie,
why do you sell yours for three cents a
glass when Charley gets five for his %
Miss Bonnie Well, you mustn't tell
any body, Uncle Jack, but the puppy fell