The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1883-01-18
COL. BROWN, THE MIND.READER.

NUbe DAhOWN Ns
Colonel Percy Brown is smart man.
His neighbors will tell you so, and he
has en- admitted it himself, in un-
guarded moments. Heis stock broker, I
with ne Olhce, corner of ----- but I
we won't give it away.) The Office is
wonderfully desirable situation in n I
business point of view, and only has I
one drawback, and that is, its attract
iveness for all species of agents and
high toned peddlers.
hain or shine its doors are besieged
by the festive canvasser Book-agents, |
lightning-rod tends, chrome peddlers, |
PIANO bores, Bible sharks, all seem to |
discover an unaccountable fascination
about this particular Office and its genial
proprietor. Whether it is the office |
itself. or the artistic manner in which /
the Colonel bluffs them OF that consti- !
tutes the attraction, is que -tion. but
the charm is there, Notwithstanding.
Colonel Brown was formerly a drum
mer and takes an enormous pride in
his knowledge of human nature. He
claims that he can size anybody up,
from q serio-comic variety-singer to u
Bishop in the Me hodist Church. He
has made a scientific study of agents in
particular, and claims to know the tribe
in all its branches. At the distance of
twenty feet he can tell what man is
selling, and within fifty cents of his
weekly wages.
AT fve-minute conversation with an
agent, he will be prepared to tell you
where that agent was born, his name,
address, exact salary per week, views
On the tariff question, and in tact almost
anything you desire TO know about him.
He has got this down to an incredibly
fine point, and often amuses his friends
by his sharp guesses at the article the
agent is going to show him. before the
latter has commenced his rigmarole.
For instance, if q young man, in soiled
SUIT and clean paper collar, comes in, \
with soap smeared on his coat, and
yellow handle peeping from beneath his
coat, Brown will wink at his friends
and then shout "No, young man, it,
no go; lou can't sell me patent. extra,
silicon plate, reversible clothes-wringer,
with lapanned hinges, and jeweled
monkey-wreneh, warranted to make the
clothes durable, sew stray buttons on,
and do the work of sixteen servant
girls
After sally like that, it Is, indeed, a
hardened agent who doesn't blush like
girl, fall over two spittoons, and
hunt for outdoors at a Maud S. speed.
Inc other day Colonel Percy was
amusing a party of friends in this
fashion, and had successfully paralyzed
an agent for iron sinks, q book-agent
ana lightning-rod highwayman, when
the door opened and a young man in
white eravat and black suit entered,
carrying two books under his arms.
20 onel Percy's eye almost fell out
from the magnitude of the ewink he gave
ms friends, as he remarked in an under
Tone; just get on to the style in
winch l will pulverize that Bible
The, young man approached, and
When he got within ten feet Of the ex-
pectat group, the Colonel gathered
hlmself and his eloquence up in a heap.
anu precpitated himself on the unlucky
9oleet OF his ridicule in the following
lasnion; No, sir. don't want a Bible
WIN W 600 double, fleeced-lned, gilt
euge' single and double reversible
PaSes' pound pure Turkey morocco
snu gold-plated hinges; with engravings
a. ,ne old masters, and nickle plated
rS ~ neal-, DIRT cheap at $l6 buy one for
Sour poor relations, etc. etc, etc. You
NW PC the only able-bodied member
ous ol family of thirty-seven BOYS and
ls,-vouf parents niay be deaf and
uhuinp' ,h' olnd and paralyzed II suppose
NY are bible agents of your appear
ance usually do have parents with some
ss9,l such complaint This naay be SO. but
sa s.iii ! am obliged to say no 10 your
;;rlnlng request although assure YOU
syuts large slice Oh my heart-striinps
70 pc obi ged to do so.
Ihe Colonel paused in expectation of
seeing the supposed Bible vender turn
very color in the rainbow, stammer 4
ew apologies, and slink of as though
~, ~ naa iallen into somebody's slop-bar-
~ Dut ne didn't. He looked as though
~ enought the Colonel was hopelesslv
80 ana the rest of the crowd no bet
brs.ti. dnu as soon as he could recover
Isa.n' AVN replied, in an indignant tone:
"1Y 40 you think ] amp am not
~, "ohl you are not a Bible agent. -,
s.uloea out the Colonel, who didn't pro.
pose 70 see his reputation for human
~ uie suiier in this style. and 10 lose
s.s. ,He nan dozen bottles of chamnaone
s,,It Icn ne had bet his friends on the re-
knov, ! suppose not, 1 might have
r1sst n tnat you were introducing 20
mss9 patent elf-consumine, auto
rse encyclopedias in twelify-e eight