The Delaware farmer., 1883-12-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

]
wiser to-day than he was yesterday.
Or all silly phrases INDUCED in by men,
The silliest this, 'It might have beenw
But of all the wise phrases traced by pen,
The wisest is this ''Lets try again"
THERE are nice little stories about the
return of the ''prodigal daughter. The
son can return and have the finest veal
served up for him, but the daughter
must stay away.
"YoUR father is worth at least half
Million" said he to his jealous sweet
heart. "That is true, she mmmured.
"And yet you doubt my love-" he re-
piled, in an injured tone.
WANTING to have a quiet time the
other day the editor hung the Office
towel outside the front door, and the
usual run of callers all thought some
one was dead and passed by on tiptoe.
A MICHIGAN woman was stricken with
paralysis while questioning her husband
regarding his whereabouts at such a
late hour of the night. Cut this out
and paste it on your wife's tongue.
''No, I WON'T have a cat about my
house." savagely exclaimed a young
wife the other day. every time I look
at a cat it makes me mad to think it
can wear fur coat in the winter and I
can't"
SATIRE is a sort of glass wherein be-
holders generally discover everybodys
face but their own; which is the chief
reason for that kind ofreception it meets
n the world, and that so very few are Of
ended with it.
IF your wife faints do not spoil her
lress by dashing pitcher of water over
Ter. Loudly kiss the back of your hand.
'he will Immediately revive and want to
now whom you are kissing. Do not {
ell and she will not faint any more
call. t
AN exchange believes that experience
hows that book agent, if he under i
lands his business, can make more than
rdinary wages. He can. He can h
lake a man hate him worse than he T
ates the man who tramps on his pet
,rn. The book agent can make lots W
9sides ordinary wages. .
"OH, mother dear, the young man cried, al
'Have you not something put away; e.
that may take with pride, a.
And place it DER my heart to stay?' Ii
II know not, boy" the mother spoke ST
His quivering lip showed feelings hurt;
Mother, he said, 'this hain't no Joke: .
want that thick red flannel shirt" Fl
In street debate man who was vo- su
erously asserting that his side of the re
gument was the right one wound up ma
exclaiming: cit is, and don't care r,
. nObody!'' Just then his wife, sharp an
sed woman pushed her way through co co
, crowd, and, as he caught the sparkle an
her eye, he added: 'Leastways, I gr
Mt care for no man" se,
WHAT does Mr.. L. do, Addie?" asked
oung lady of her companion. 'He
es photographs" replied A., con- ,
lplatively. "Takes photographs she
~, I thought he was a stock broker" !
7ell, he may be stock broker in the 30
time. but he took my photograph che
of the album the night before last Ooe me
| he won't give it back to me" {
N Italy it is customary for three or tol
r married women to drag a bride to din
would-be husband. She pretends PEI
struggle desperately to get away. A g.,
e journalist points out that it would +
e all the married women in,the coun- "a ii
to hold back an American girl who yea
concluded to enter the coniugal IN I
e. ShfE j
He Ottumwa Democrat asks, 'Why hoe 20
lld not women smoke as well as "
?" Why shouldn't they? Foolish WA; wRG
/; just hand your wife a cigar, short G.
r, and watch her try it for about ten stea Ste:
utes. Then as you tear away for a 643l
-Or You will have time to formulate live
llogistic reply to your own interro- W
on. Why don't they? Well, we XXX,
lid persrire to pallor. New "
No, SAID Mrs. Shoddy, "we will not No
. turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. Fl
he poor folks in the back street are s9.5
G to indulge in turkey on that day, 541D 57e
that will make the dish too common PI
Is, family of means. What, is that Nv
ling grocer here again with his billf
|, tell him I won't be able to pay Fl
for a month or more, and if the GoS.r 4eo
her calls to-day with his bill, tell BT
I am not at home" dairy
Ca
TE only occasion upon which rail. BE
Il IL