davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-10-26
WOMEN.

Many lady endowed by nature with pretty
face, beautiful figure, faultess complexion, as well
as the sweetest Of iempers and fautless mental
qualities grows prematurely old, gray and wrnked,
her form loses its perfect contour, the complexion
becomes salow, the brightness leaves the eye,
feeling of languor takes the place of the once
buoyant spirits an irritable nervous righteousness
makes life a burden, things that once were tribes
worry her till life becomes unbearable. All this
mon to women, which the innate modesty of fem
mime nature prevents their making known, and Of
which the ignorance OF the medical profession pre-
vents cure. Lady reader pause and consider,
its adHty you owe yourself, your family and your
God, that you should cure yourself of these
troubles and once more feel the glow OF perfect
health and spirits that nature intended for You.
Wheelers No 90 Prescriptions are pleasant and
palatabe to take, contain nothing of an Injurious
nature, and may De taken by all ages at all times
and in all conditions without possibility Of Ill eff
diseases to which females are subject Failing to
produce perfect cure the proprietors will refund
the money paid for the treatment II you have
salow complexion, constant or intermittent head
ache backache restlessness, loss of appetite, sup
pressions of monthly how or irregularities thereof,
accompanied by headaches, nervousness, Mysteries
and similar symptoms Wheeler's No. 90 Prescrip-
ton b win positively restore you to health. If
you have a sensation of heat and throbblng in the
back, frequent fainting spells, Leucorrhea or white
discharge, painful scalding sensation in uri-
dry skin, Wheeler's No. 96 Prescription "C'' will
give immediate and lasting relief. The price OF
Wheeler's No. 90 Prescriptions b and sc " 80
cents each, obtanable from druggists or sent by
mail secure from observation postpaid on receipt
of price. Postage stamps taken.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
The Burglar Under a Couch.
Pail Mall Gazette.

ran Mail OaZeJte.
Nine out of ten women probably
look under their bed every night be.
fore retiring to rest in search of tho
muchdreaded burglar, and possibly
one woman in a thousand millions
has discovered that often-looked for
visitor. What happened on those
rare occasions history saieth not, al
though, considering the universally
of the search, some general rule as to
the measures to be taken in cases of
discovery ought by this time to have
been pretty well established. In de-
fault of such standing order the exam
pie of Mrs. Crolly, whose case re-
ported from Dublin, may be COM
mended for information by the rest of
her sex. Finding a man concealed
under couch in her drawing room,
she immediately locked him in, sent
for a Constable, and then, without
waiting for the arrival of the police,
she armed herself with revolver,
re-entered the drawing-room and
threatened to shoot the intruder if he
stirred. He remained motionless I'M
der the sofa, covered by the muzzle of
Mrs. Crolly's revolver, until the ar
rival of the Constable, when he was
carried off III costody. But how
many women, it may be asked, have
either the nerve or the revolver of Mrs.
Crolly? Those who lack either or
both will probably console themselves
by rejecting that their is no woman
who cannot scream, and, with few
exceptions, a scream Is as effective for
soaring a burglar off the premises as a
dozen revolvers
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
Looking Under the Bed

Men have the habit of ridiculing
women because they look under the
bed every night before retiring for the
undesirable Burglar The Washing
ton Capital says: II is wrong. This
simple act on the part of our sisters,
wives, and mothers in looking orthat
which they do not want TO find is, in
most cases, a harmless one, and is not
deserving of sensure. Sometimes
they find something between the
stats and the floor bigger than a bed
bug and more dangerous than a cob
wed This was the experience of a
woman in Georgia who, while taking
her accustomed peep, discovered two
cslored men slowed away in that
neighborhood. Of course she was
not frightened, but she was so mad
that she stirred up the whole village
with her screams, and the burglars,
becoming alarmed, jumped out of a
three-story window and falling on q
policeman who was sleeping in the
doorway below, broke his neck, there
by causing q vacancy in the corps.
If this lady had not kept up the time
honored custom of looking under the
bed there is no telling what crimes
might have been committed in that
house by the two men who were on
duty while the policeman slept. BY
all means let the women look under
the bed, and those who are near
sighted should be furnished with OPP
era glasses by the municipal govern
ment, and thus be able to detect crime
lurking in low places.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
The Duke and the SnOb.
EAmilE Iernld


The following amusing story of an
English nobleman, recently deceased,
is told by correspondent of con-
temporary: THE duke" he says,
was once in church when a collec-
ton was announced for some chart
table object. The plate began to go
round and the duke carefully put his
hand into his pocket and took out a
horin, which he laid on the pew be-
fore him, ready to be transferred to the
plate. Beside him sat little snob,
who, noticing this action, initiated it
by ostentatiouslv laying a sovereign
alongside the ducal form. This was
too much for his grace, who dipped
his hand into his pocket again and
pulled out another form, which he
laid by the side of the first. The little
snob followed suit by laying another
severn beside the first. His grace
quietly added third horin, which
was capped by third sovereign on
the part of the little snob. Out came
a fourth form to swell the dukes do
nation, and then the little snob trium-
phantly laid three sovereigns at once
upon the board The duke, not TO be
beaten, produced three florins. Just at
this moment the plate arrive. The 1t
tie snob took up his handful of sover-
eigns, ostentatiously ratified them into
the plate, and then turned deGantly
towards his rival as if he would say,
4 think that takes the shine out of
YOU Fancy his chagrin when the
duke, with grim smile, put one form
into the plate and quietly swept the
remaining six back into his pocket.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
How to Live Happily in the Married
New York Sun.


Harmony in the married state is the
first thing to be aimed at. Nothing
can preserve affections uninterrupted
but a firm resolution not to differ in
will, and determination in each to
consider the love of the other of more
value than any object whatever on
which wish had been fixed. How
light, in fact, is the sacrifice of any
other wish, when weighed against the
affections of one with who we are to
pass our whole life. And though OPP
position in a single instance hardly
of itself produce lienation, yet every
one has his pouch, into which all
these little oppositions are put while
this is filling the alienation is insen-
sibly going on, and when filled it is
complete-it would puzzle anyone to
say why; because no difference of
opinion has been marked enough to
produce any serious effect by itself
Other causes of discomfort, very COM
mon indeed, are the little cross pur-
poses of husband and wife in common
conversation; disposition in either
to criticise and question whatever one
SAYS, a desire alway to demonstrate,
and make him feel in the wrong, es-
pecially in company. Nothing is SO
goading. 1t is much better, therefore
if our companion views a thing in a
different light from what We do to
leave him in the quiet possession of
his views. What is the use of rectify-
ing him if the thing be unimportant!
Let it pass for the present and wait a
soft moment, more conciliatory oc-
casion of rehearsing the subject to-
gether. 1t is wonderful how many
persons are rendered unhappy by in
attention to these rules of prudence,
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
Streets of Jerusalem.
From Cities of the World. d"

The streets are narrow, badly paved,
and crooked as a corkscrew; the prin-
cipal being the Street of David, lead
ing from the Jatfa Gate to the Haram
the Street of the Gate of the Columns
running from the Damascus Gate to
the street of the Gate of the Prophet
David under which name it continues
to Zion Gate; Christian street running
from the street of David to the Church
of the Holy Sepulchre; and the Via
Dolorosa, running from the Church
Of the Holy Sepulchre to Stephens
Gate. There are very few open spaces
and not one street in which carriage
can be driven; the bazaars are poor
and not to be compared for a moment
with those of Cairo or Damascus; they
are IN narrow lanes, for the most part
vaulted over, and exhibit the usual
articles to be found in eastern bazaars
shoes, pipes. tobaccos, hardware,
jewelry, cutlery, and so forth-each
stall being under the superintendent
of man in flowing robes and turban
who sits crosslegged and smokes
while the crowd buzzes INCREASINGLY
around him. There are two good ho-
tells, the Mediterranean" and the
Damascus" and several hospices-
the Casa Nova of the Franciscans,
the Austrian Hospice of St John-but
the majority OF travellers who are
making the tour of Palestine, camp
outside the city, as indeed do many
of the inhabitants in the summer time
for the sake of the purer air. Almost
every house IN Jerusalem has cupo-
la; with flat space on the roof to al
low stroll round it, and all the hous-
es are of stone. Very few of them
exhibit any traces of architectural
beauty; in fact, the dwelling houses
generally suggest poverty and dirt,
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
Mind Your Business.

An anecdote is told of clockmaker
who, being employed to construct a
new clock for the Temple, London,
was DESTROYS of a suitable motto to be
placed under the clock. One day he
applied to the benches of the Temple
for the motto, while they were at din
ner, and one of them, annoyed at the
unreasonable interruption, testify re-
piled, go about your business" I'm
derstanding this to be the selected
motto, the clockmaker inscribed it
under the clock, where it still re
mains to admonish all to attend to
business.
The Continental cent, usually
known as the Franklin cent because
its legent was proposed by him, gives
the same advice in the words: mind
your business. This is frequently
misquoted and corrupted to Mind
your own business" which instead of
counsel to diligence is a rebuke to
meddling. Franklin's advice was an
aamonition to perform duty and to
care for the concerns which make life
successful. 1t contains the very kerr
mel of all business wisdom. A homely
adage is that ''It is better to drive
your business than to let your bust
ness drive you," better to be master
and manager of your own business
than to be its slave and victim This
is the essence of the Franklin cent
motto, and, whether acknowledged in
SO many words or not, it is the actua
ting principle and the underlying
cause of all business management
and business success.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
Rebellion in the HaremS.

A Constantinople letter says: The
government is poor, it is harassed
with many weighty questions besides
the means of defense against cholera
Yet it has found time to enter upon
CRUSADE against the fair sex, and it
finds the ladies harder to deal with
than the Car himself During the
present month, when all Moslems OBJ
serve the fast of Romazan, those who
can afford it lie abed through the heat
of the day By night, however, the
city is astir. From 10 o'clock until
midnight all the Turkish ladies who
can find carriages take their drive
through the most fashionable squares.
The jam in such places is tremendous
One night the chief of police was
promenadIng in search of evils to be
cured, and he observed these great
lines of carriages full of ladies pass
ing along under the eyes of the young
men of the city standing on either
side of the roadway. And then he
saw, to his horror, ladies lean forward
and smile at the young men, and even
wave kandkerchiefs from carriage
windows. He saw handkerchiefs drop
ped from the carriages, by accident,
and he was morally certain that the
young men who politely handed them
back to their owners delayed long
enough to squeeze the fair hands that
received them. All these things were
gall and wormwood to the old gentle
man. The next day an order was post
ed through the city prohibiting ladies
from driving after nightfall. This OF
course raised a storm which is not yet
appeased. 1t has drawn out the start
ling and reasonable claim from some
of the ladies that they have equal
rights and privileges with the men.
1t is of course to be expected that the
Turkish ladies will win in this matter,
in spite of police and the fact that
Turkish dictionaries do not admit such
a word as Irritation.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
They We're Giants In Those DAYS.

A Milford, Pa, letter to the New
York Tribune says The SawkiIl was
then only village tavern, and was
kept by a remarkable man named
Lewis Cornelius, who at the time of
his death in 1S41, must have been the
heaviest person in the country. The
following is copy of a certified entry
in one of the books of record in the
Clerks office of this county, the orig
inal entry having been made inn
mediately after Mr. Cornelius death.
Lewis Cornelius -Died Sept. 81,
1S41.
His height was s feet.
Circumference below the waist,
feet inches.
Circumference above the waist, 6
feet q inches.
Circumference of arm above the ell
bow, 2 feet inches
Circumference of arm below the ell
bow, ! foot 8 inches.
Circumference of wrist, / foot in
ches.
Circumference of thigh, feet 2 in
ches.
Circumference of calf of leg, 2 feet
Z inches.
Circumference of ankle, 1 foot Z
inches.
His weight was 645! pounds, with
out clothing
During his lifetime, Mr.. Cornelius
would not consent to be weighed. The
above was his weight after death, and
after a long illness, during which he
had lost much flesh. Mr.. Cornelius
was survived by a wife and seven
children, three sons and four daugh
ters- The management of the MOTEL
has never passed out of the hands of
the family The wife, the three sons,
and one daughter are dead, and the
house is now managed by the remain
ing daughters. Two of the SOS
weighed ever 300 pounds each at the
time of their death, and one deceased
daughter weighed over 400. One son,
who died two years ago, had been
Sheriff of the county five times From
the time of the elder Cornelius until
now the fame of the Sawkiu House
has been wide for the excellence of
its table 1t has heen patronized by
Joseph Jefferson, Samuel Randall,
George h Baker, members of the
Drexel family, and many others cele-
brated in politics and the professions.
A Colorado man was recently killed
while gathering a scuttle of coal IN
his back yard After a few heart
rending occurrences like this, wives
viii begin to learn their household
duties.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28

l.ccn.Stivc engineer, and have been for twenty
years, and am running the Maine Central Rail.
road Life an engine, as all engineers know is very
trying to health and strength The continual jar OF the
engine and strain long trips all tend to weaken
the kidneys and urinary organs. In addition this
years ago, met with a severe accident, and l was
taken from under my engine with internal IN
jurics, which gave me great pain. laid up for six
months and suffered more than l can describe ana
more than wish to suffer again. resumed work but
my kidneys began to disturb me- and my nervous system
seemed 10 be out Of order. l could not sleep as my
water demanded such constant attention that / was
kept awake great part of the night to urinae caused
severe pains. 1 employed the best medical skill in
Portland and elsewhere but continued to grow worse
! was persuaded to try Hunts Remedy as found
that many of my friends In Portland had used II with
great success yet had faith that It would reach my
case However, sent for halfdozen bottles at ono
OF the drug stores In Portland and from the
hrst bottle found great relief. My water much
better and the pain In the back and limbs greatly
In all and il has been TO wonderful blessing and
have deemed ii duty and privilege To recommend
1t TO those troubled in similar manner and you may
publish this for the benefit of railroad and Ie
public in general, as IL has completely cured me.
GEO. W. BRADLEY,
Engineer Maine Central r. X.
PORTLAND Me, May II, lSS}.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
He Wouldn't Have Ii.
Detroit Free Press .

A squatty little man, very corpulent,
very stiff necked, and very much out
of sorts, halted policeman at the
cornero of Jefferson avenue and Wayne
street recently and said:
"Ha, sir! but what kind of city is
this, SIR Ha! Glowing his nose) it
strikes me that you're a queer set"
Anything wrong?"
"Ha! sir! yes blow sir! 1 came
from with the excursion. l had
scarcely put foot on the street when a
boy called me a caravan, sir! Ha =.
blow a caravan
He shouldn't have done it. ;"
''And stranger slapped me on the
back and yelled Hello, pard !! in my
ear! Yes, sir (blow), he did, sir-in my
ear, sirr'
That was wrong"
"And bootblack, sir blow, had
the impudence to call my feet freight
cars, and to ask me what line | run
on. Yes blow, sir-what line l run
on Ha sir!
"He deserved arrest"
"Ha! he blow did, sir [ want the
the people of Detroit to understand
that I'm worth s14, 900, sir, mostly in
cash-mostly in cash, Sir"
YES"
''And I've been justice of the peace
for twenty-five years, sir! Ha. blow
sir"
rs it possible2"
Eyes, sir CA long blow. And
when one of your villains calls out
to shoot this hat, sir, l want him
to understand that I'm also post
master"
"You are.''
eyes, sir; an. when anyone sneers
at my clothes sir, let him remember
that I've run for the legislature-the
legislature, sir! Hal blow and was
almost elected l won't have this I'M
due familiarity, sir. Why, no man
in my town would dare to call me
'pard' let alone slapping me on the
back. Why, sir blow, why-but |
want this stopped"
Eyes, sir"
Il won't put up with it :"
Eyes, sir"
Il am entitled to respect, sir
Yes blow, | ha ha! l am SIR
eyes, sir"
He walked up Jefferson avenue,
but had not gone block when truck
man, who was tossing watermelons TO
a man on the walk, made miss, but
hit the $14, 900 man in the back with
twenty FOUNDER, and cried out:
Look out, Shorty, or you'll be
counted in and sold for quarter"
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
RAILROADING IN JUDEA.
Few Familiar Friends vet With In
AForeign Land.

From brakes Travellers Magazine
1t was on the first train out of Jop-
pa, and the pilgrims had only just
pulled the peas out of their shoes
when the fat Shelk turned up.
Il say, dog of a conductor, why
don't you put the cow-catcher on the
rear end of this train and keep the
cows OFF,
The other passengers roared, and
the fat Sheik shook his side and re-
peated his joke, whereat the passen-
gers roared again, and a woman of
Samaria, who was going down to
have her sandals half soled and heel
ed, observed between her screams
of smerriment that sit was pretty
good"
'When I came up from Jerusalem,
continued the fat Sheik, emboldened
by his former success, 81 stopped at
the restaurant for dinner. What do
you think they had?"
All hands gave it up with suppress
ed enthusiasm.
Boot leg for steak" reared the
Shiek, land doughnuts made of rub
ber What do you think the pie was
composed off,"
The woman of Samaria gave il
up, imploring the Sheik to be merci-
| full.
Spider web, as hard as iron, in the
crust"' protested the fat Sheik, and
the yell of laughter told him that he
had made another ten strike.
Abba Hassen approached the SheiB
with all the gravity he could assume
and asked him to let up 1t was toe
much he said, and he hoped the
Sheik would forbear being funny any
that's all right" persisted the
Sheik, but just as we rounded the
shore of Galilee, the conductor not
iced a tramp on the train. He put
him off at four stations, and at the
| fifth, by the beard of my father, there
was the tramp again. Then the con
ductor kicked him off, and at the
next station there sat the tramp or
the back platform OF the last car
Where are you going!' asked the con
ductor. I have kicked you off thi:
train nine times. I'm going to Jeru
salem, if my pants hold out!' replied
the tramp"
Abba Hassen stroked his stomach
and yelled with delight, while the
woman of Samaria remarked to 6
Prodigal son on his way home that il
the fat Sheik didn't stop before long
she would have to get her corsets hall
soled with her sandals.
It's poor generation that can't dc
something for its ancestors, and as the
world got it's enlightenment from the
Holy Land, so it ,pays back in joke
as old as Christianity for the stream
travellers of the day of civilization.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
Big Names.

Some people like long, big names
for their maladies. a woman came to
me with pain. examined her, and
told her that back-ache was her di-
sease. She was dissatisfied. 1t was
commonplace and vulgar. The low
est kind of people have back-ache
She went to another doctor. He said
that her case required the most care
full investigation, aud was rare; that
he seen but one case like it, and he
would tell her confidentially it was
that of wealthy and highly cultivat-
ed lady IN a neigLboring city. In
brief, it was a case of decided tenden-
cy to ''cerebro spinal meningitis. +"
She took her prescription, which was
in elaborate Latin, paid $ and went
home delighted. A dear friend of
hers had consulted a distinguished
French physician then in this coun-
try, and urged her to seek his advice.
This was done, and after careful ex-
animation the French doctor told her
that it was clear case of ''polariza-
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-28
A Fortune in a Dream.
Philad. .lphia Record.

Jonathan S. Brinton left this state
for Iowa many years ago, and accum-
ulated considerable property. In 1875
he became convinced that he was in
spired by God to open an inn or
tavern near Jerusalem, to prepare for
the restoration of the Holy City, and
although demonstrated with by his
friends and family, he determined to
make the journey TO Palestine and do
as he had been directed. He first di-
vided his property A4ually between
himself and his wife, and sailed for
the Holy City. Upon arriving there
he purchased several acres Of land
near the city and erected hotel.
Strange to relate, the scheme proved
a great financial success, and the old
gentleman is now making a fortune
from his inn. Recently he sent over
for his family, and they are now with
him and highly delighted with their
new home and the golden prospects.
Hundreds of Englishmen and Ameri-
cans stop at the hotel, and it has be-
come one of the institutions Of Jerusa-
lem.