The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-04-07
The spoOpendxkes in Hamlet.

"Now, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, opening the book and assuming
the correct dramatic scowl. ''Now, my
dear, We'll rehearse our parts for
Specklewottle's theatricals Pm to be
Hamlet and you're to be the Queen
and we want this thing to go off about
right. The hardest part we have to
play together is where l accuse you of
poisoning my father, and we had better
try that until we get it perfect. I'll
commences:
Now, mother, what the matter?' :"
"Well, was thinking whether 1 had
better wear my black silk or my maroon
suit" returned Mrs. Spoopendyke,
sticking her finger into her mouth re-
dectively. do Queens wear-'
"Wil you be kind enough to tell me
what pack of cards you got that idea of
queen from?" demanded MIR. Spoop-
endyke, fixing his wife's eye with a
glare. ''Do you suppose that Queen
sent for Hamlet to get his opinion
about bargains in dry goods? When I
say that you must say:
"'Hamlet, thou hast thy father much
offendedr "
30, | understand" pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke. Il thought you asked
me what l was thinking about. didn't
know you had to commenced to piay.
Try it again.
'Well, you be careful this time" rec
commended Mr.. Spoopendyke, in a tone
of solemn warning. "Ths is play, this
is. Think you know the difference be-
tween a play and bankrupt saiep Know
the difference between play and mil
linery shop opening? Now, Pll begin
again and you try to do it decently."
&" Now, mother, what the matterP'
There's nothing the matter now,"
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, straighten-
ing up and preparing to be the Queen
as soon as her turn came, go on, dear,
1 understand it not.'
''Say it, can't ye?' Numbered Mr..
Spoopendyke. Haven't we studied this
businessP Don't We know yer part?"
what shall say, dear?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, looking at her husband
with dazed expression.
"Sayr' roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Sing a hymn! If you don't know your
part, get off psalm! Didn't tell you
what to say? Look he-e," and Mr..
Spoopendyke lowered his voice to the
intense pitch. Have you ever read
this playP Have you conceived any
kind of notion of what it's all aboutP"
"Why, yes" faltered Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. ''You come in and stab Mr.
Specklewottle behind the ears, and L
scream. Isn't that right, dear?'
Hear her?' moaned Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. frothing at the mouth. Stab
Specklewottle behind the ears! That's
all right, now you scream! Scream, why
don't you? You know so much about
your part, why don't you play it?"
"W-e-e-e-en' squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, faithfully following instructions.
II knew | could do it right, as soon as
you showed me how. Will that do?'
80, that was queenly!'' snarled Mr.,
Spoopendyke, dropping into chair and
regarding his wife with rolling eyes.
Just do that again! Four of those
dramatic efforts will make this play the
greatest of modern entertainments! Do
it once morem
at hurts my throat" complained Mrs
Spoopendyke. Cant we make it do
with one scream, dear?'
Mrs. Spoopendyke, said her hus-
band, with unnatural calmness, there s
been some mistake made in this thing.
You should have been cast for 'Ophelia'
That was the part intended for your
II would just as soon play it," muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke, who failed to
see the drift of her husbands remark.
what does he do?"
HE was an idiot from birth, and
afterward went crazy" explained Mr..
Spoopendyke. THAT was the part for
you"
Then rdrather be Queen" returned
Mrs. Spoopendyke, bridling little.
Nov, dear, let's commence all over,
and Ill do it right this time"
You can't do it worse" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Pll try it once more,
just to see what kind of foolishness you
can work Off"
"Now, mother, what's the matterp"
"We-e-e-e," giggled Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, satisfied that she was perfect this
time. Hamlet, o Hamlet! We-e-e-ew
Turn it off p yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, springing from his chair, and
capering around the room as though a
snake had bitten him. ''Be quiet and
break off the end. What's the matter?"
"We-e-e-er' squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, profoundly impressed with the idea
that the play was still going on, and that
she had at last mastered the intricaces
of her part.
"Will We ever shut up?" gasped Mr..
Spoopendyke, madden than ever to think
his wrath was mistaken for acting.
"Who ever told we to yell like that?
Don't We know anything at all, scarcely?
Think 'Hamlet's "a lunatic asylum? Got
some kind of notion that the Queens
a fog hornP Where'd we get your idea
of this thing anyway"
II did Just as you told me, dear"
argued Mrs. Spoopendyke, completely
taken aback by her husbands criticism
"You said l was to scream when you
asked me what the matter was. Didn't
do it rght?'
80, that was rightr' howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "You struck the key
note of high art both times! With that
yell and your knowledge of the text all
you want now is fire and free list to
be theatcr with restaurant attach
ment! The first time a show comes
around this way I'm going to fit you out
with hair trunk and pair of hoofs and