The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1883-03-14
That Bad Boy.

. "What on earth is that you have
got on your upper hp?" said the
) grocery man to the bad boy, as be
! came in and began to peel a ruta-
baga, and his upper lip hung down
over his teeth, and was covered with
, something that looked like shoe.
makers wax. "You look as though
you had been digging potatoes with
your nose."
!. "Oh, that's some of pas darn
smartness. asked him if he knew
anything that would make a boys
|, moustache grow, and be told me the
best thing he ever tried was tar, and
for me to rub it on thick when I
went to bed, and wash it off. Pa
told me all l had to do was to use a
securing brick, and it would come
of, and / used the brick, and it took
the skin off, and the tar is there yet,
and say, does my lip look very
bad ?"
The groceryman told him it was
the worst looking lip he ever saw,
but he could cure it by rubbing a
little cayenne pepper in the tar. He
said the tar would neutralize the
pepper, and the pepper would loosen
the tar, and act as cooling lotion to
the lacerated lip. The boy went to
a can of pepper behind the counter,
and stuck his finger in and rubbed
a lot of it ON his lip, and then his
hair began to raise, and he began to
cry, and rushed to the water pail
aud ran his face into the water to
wash off the pepper. The grocery
man laughed and when the boy
had got the pepper washed of, and
had resumed his rutabaga he said !:
"That seals your fate. No man
ever trifles with the feelings of the
bold buccanner of the Spanish main.
without living to rue it. | will lay
for you, old man, and don't you for
get it. Pa thought he was smart
when he got me to put tar on my
lip, to bring my mustach out, and
to-day he lays on a bed of pain, and
Tomorrow your turn will come.
You will regret that you did not get
down on your knees and beg my
pardon. You will be sorry you did
not prescribe cold cream for my
bruised lip, instead of cayenne pep
per. Beware, you base twelve ounce
to the pound huckster, you gimlet-
eyed seller of dog sausage, you sand
ed sugar idiot, you small potato
three-card monte sleight of hand
rotten egg fiend,- you villain that
sells smoked sturgeon and dog-fish
for smoked halibut. The avenger is
on your track"
Look here, young man, don't you
threaten me, or l will take you by
the ear and walk you through green
fields, and beside still waters, to the
front door, and kick your pistol
pocket clear around so you can wear
it for watch pocket in your vest.
No boy can fighten me, by crimus.
But, tan me, hox did you. get even
with your pa ?"
swell, give me glass of cider and
we will be friends. and / will tell
you. Thanks Gosh, but that cider
is made out of mouldy dried apples
and sewer water" and he took a
handful of layer raisins off the top
of a box to take the taste out of his
mouth, and while the grocer charged
a peck of rutabagas, gallon OF cider
and two pounds of raisins to the
boys pa, the boy proceeded: "You
see, pa likes a joke the best of and
man you ever saw, if it is on some
body else, but he kicks like a steer
when it is on him.
l asked him this morning if it
would't be good joke to put some
soft soap on the front step, so the
letter carrier would slip up and spill
hisself, and pa said it would be ele-
CANT. Pa is a Democrat, and he
thinks that anything that will make
it unpleasant for Republican office
holders, is legitimated, and he en-
couraged me to paralyze the letter
carrier. The letter carrier is as old
a man as pa, and didn't want to
humiliate him, but l just wanted
pa to give bis consent, SO he could
Mt kick if be got caught in his own
trap. You see? Well, this morning
the minister and two of the deacons
called on pa, to have a talk with him
about his actions IN church, on two
or three occasions, when he pulled
out the pack of cards with his hand
kerchief, and played the music box,
and they had a pretty hot time in
the parlor, and finally they settled
it, and were going to sing hymn,
when pa handed them a little hymn
book, and the minister opened it and
turned pale and said, what's this
and they looked at it, and it was a
book of Hoyle's games instead of a
hymn book.
Gosh, wasn't that minister mad +!
He had started to read a hymn and
he quit after he read two lines where
it said. "In game of four-handed
eucher, never trump your partners
but RELY on the ace to take the trick
on suit" Pa was trying to explain
how the book come to be there when
the minister and the deacons started
out, and then ! poured the two
quart tin pail of soft soap on the
front step. 1t wat this white soap,
Just the coler of the step, and when
1 got it spread / went down in the
basement. The visitors came out
and pa was trying to explain to them,
about Hoyle, when one of the dea-
cons stepped in the soap, and his
feet few up and he struck on his
pants and slid down the steps. The
minister said, "greatheavens, deacon,
are you hurt? Let me assist you,"
aud he took two quick steps, and
you have seen these fellows in mig
ger show that kick each others head |
over heels and fall on their ears, and
stand on their heads and turn around |
like top. The minister's feet slip |
ped. and the next I saw he was |
standing on Lis head in his hat. and |
his legs were sort Of vilter and fell
limp BY his side, and he fell over on