National Republican., 1883-05-05
THE MAN ON THE AVENUE.
small rarL About Men and D,,..ur,,

Small Talk About Men and Measures.
Conversation in horse car between two
iaundiced old gentlemen ON the steep down
grade of life
First old gentleman. "Dye sec th at shrub
berry and them flowers over there in Franklin
squarep Blanked waste of money. Seats
there too for young uns not out Of swaddlin
close to sit on and spoon. Ugh"
Second old gentleman. "What in blank
air they stoppin' this car forP oh, yes Its
BANKED yaller gal in a kangaroo Jacket,
wonder she don't trip up on them feet"
First old gentleman. "Womcn folks do git
themselves up scandalous nowadays, an nc
mistake. They've gone to wearin' dresses
so internal tight they have to pull 'em on like
kid gloves. My ole woman, sho tells me they
have to use taller and shoe horns to got into
their duds. Times is goin' to rack"
Second old gentleman. "Jes look at them
gals sittin' over thore on them steps. Ever
see anything like 'om? There they are
dawdlin' and sighin' and singin ft to kill.
Whom you and was young they didn't raise
gals to sit around, / toll you. They
made 'em git up and dust, and
learn how to work. There's nothin'
like havin' an industrious woman around the
house. Jes look at mo and my wife. We've
logged along all right for thirty years. She
won't keep no servant, and jes let her have
hor own way. l don't believe in spoilin'
women by crossin' them when they take a
notion to work. / alus was easy TO get along &
with that way. don't believe in imposin'
on 'em neither, and a more consider
ate fellcr around home than l am you
never saw. My wife'll tell you
So Why it was only tother day that bought
her nice little AK to split kindlin' with,
one of these light ones you know, same as
children use. My wife, she's gittin' old, and
sometimes she complains of havin' a crick in
her back when IL comes time for her to crawl
out of bed and build the FIRE. / couldn't
think of lettin' her chop wood with one Of
them big axes when she's gone lame that
way. If everybody got along as harmonious
and unanimous like as me and my wife, there
would be no use for divorce courts"
First old gentleman. There goes another
lot of them kangaroo gals. It's marvel to
me they don't break in two. What blanked
waste ground it was to stick these ere parks
all over town"
Second old gentleman. az hear they're
goin' to put steeple on DR.. Buffers church
over there on the point. 1t ought to have
been there q long time ago. See that house
up there. Five of the blankedost, prettiest
gals in town live there. They kin sing and
play and paint real peart don't care much
for them things as general thing, but thoy
kind Of warm an old feller up"
First old gentleman. "How this town has
grown. Twenty-Five years ago 1 hunted
rabbits right here on the ground we are riding
over this very minute, and bagged 'em too.
Twas all wild hereabouts. Now its about the
best part Of the city. heard down town
this afternoon Of some fellers buying block
beyond the boundary and paying $4,000 for
it. You could have bought 500 acres for less
money than that in that section twenty-five
years ago."
Third old gentleman, in q stage whisper
what blanked liar that old rooster is
that's gabblin' over there. Hunt rabbits on
the corner Of P and Fourteenth street twenty
five years agol Yes he did-in his mind. He
may have hunted em same as you would
hunt 'em down to market, but if he shot any
rabbits in this locality twenty-five years ago,
he shot 'em off the end of market wagon.
You hear my feeble Ghirp."
First old gentleman, raising window and
expectorating on a group of street gamins
playing soldier. "Some folks think
they'r dreadful cunnin', don't they9 Here's
this blanked car stoppin' again. Another
yellow gal. Tlme was when walbin' was
good enough for sichi as them. Now they're
crowdin' us out Of our seats. Here, there!
Ho, conductor! Ho, tell you'll Can't ye
hear nothin'P Let me off, can't your That
cigar sign over there's got moro sense n you.
Never saw such chuckleheaded horse-car
drivers in my life. Don't suppose they could
hire material bank presidents are made of,
though, for ninety cents day and find your
self Goodby Bill"