The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-03-20
WIT AND HuMOR.

1 QlI1 Win The Dl0OPSt tceL atNdSS WdIltS
| TO play Cinderella.
| Boston is town with ends to it in
stead of sides. That's one reason why
she can never, square herself.
A New England paragrapher has dis
covered that dog lungs IS the seat
OF its pants.
Some mon are born slight, some
achieve slightness, but most mon have
Sights put upon them.
Mince r.. is not only the most healthy
of any sort, but you may eat six Of 'em
for supper and have no bad dreams.
An engage. girl is happiest when she
is telling about it to another girl who is
not engaged and is not likely to be.
A mule is not gsncrally considered an
aesthetic; but give his hi.Id quarters nalf
d show and he is big "a arr decorating.
when will this te>r go?'' asked
gentleman, the othet evening. ''As
soon as it has a cargo. w9s the prompt
reply.
The reason why. some ri the street
lamps burn all night ~ because the
light is so small IL is afrNsid to go out
alone in the dark.
Every cloud has a si'ves 3ining,''
| said Respondent diner, as he saw the
| dusky walters pocket the QUarters of
| the guests.
The earth is said 20 have two motions,
| but to drunken man coming home at
II o'clock at night it doubtless has
| more than POO
Seventeen thousand names were ad-
| led to the pension rolls this last year.
1t is never too late to find out that you
were disabled.
Forney's Progress claims that billiard
balls can be made of potatoes. Perhaps
the can, bat what's the use of wasting
| the potatoes?"
Cairo. Ill, is the place where an Eng
fish sP1.row carried a lighted cigar stub
| to its nest under the caves and burned
up the house. Sparrows haven't the
| right sort OF mouth to smoke cigars.
well madame, how's your husband
today" why. doctor. he's no bet
| ter" did you get the leechesP''
Yes, out he only took three of them
| -aw--I had to fry the rest
Young housewife: ''What miserable
| little eggs again! You must really telt
them, Jane. 10 let the hens sit on them
a little longer, or we must change QUIZ
| grocer
When you see il stated that a man is
''ominehtly respectable" you eau make
up your mind that he is a chap worth
| over 1000, 900. Anywhere under that
| figure is simply esteemed citizen"
How dreary life would be without
hope" observes a Cleveland paper
| 1es, and when you get the list and find
| that your ticket didn't hit how mad you
| ire.
They were discussing an elopement,
aud one lady, turning to her friend,
said: Don't you believe it would kill
| YOU if your husband were to run away
With another womanP" ut might" was
the cool reply. ''Great joy sometimes
| kills"
A New England physician says that
if every family would keep box of
mustard in the house three-fifths of the
doctors would starve. No instructions
RS to whether it should he kept in the
pantry or down cellar,
K negro was observed the other day
mailing an unstamped letter at the post
office IN a country town in Georgia. He
was asked what he meant by mailing
unpaid letters oh" replied the ne
gro, Il does that reg lar" lyon doP"
Y-sSer; w en- &c postmaster amt look
| in | draps my letter in; do dat often.
| saves de postage yer see. l ies write
| slips here anu let's her drap. OATS de
way / send my letters and gets de pest
of She postoffice-ha! hal :aEes dis mig
| s0r To he sharp. il ioeS. -
The southwestern portion of Ontario.
| Canada, is fast becoming an extensive
| grape-growing region The grapes are
semi to all parts of the Dominion and
sell Al excellent prices. Considerable
! wine has been made there the present
| season.
Washington is becoming q residence
city. Every year adds to the large
number of persons who buy or build
homes there simply because they find
it a pleasant place to live, and who are
actuated by no expectation OF engagg-
ing in business or speculation of any
kind.
The name of the rum which is rapidly
| depopulating the Indian villages OF
| Alaska Is ..hoochenoo." 1t is distilled
from molasses, and even sailors of the
| u. s. steamer Adams, who nave been
| engaged in destroying the still, haven't
| the courage to tackle it.
Charles Reade's new volume, s'Read-
lana" is collection of the bright,
shrewd and racy comments on current
events contributed by the author to the
newspapers during the past few years.
In this volume Reade shows himself
more than ever generous and eloquent
advocate of all that is humane and no.
BILE.
/ When Sir Garnet Wolseley re-entered
London, after his victory in Egypt, he
was preceded by the Duke of Connaughi
who, although the Queens son, was at
ter all only staff officer under General
| Wolseley Were the Duke of Yelling
ton alive, the Young officer would have
been roundly snubbed, the London Truth
thinks, for his impertinence.
President Potter, of Union College,
has offered three prizes TO the students
keeping the neatest, most elegant and
| attractive rooms, and it is said that va
rious competitors have begun their dec
orations and many of the rooms exhibit
an exceedingly novel appearance. The
awards will probably be made during
the middle term.
The Norristown Herald THINKS thaI
| Efiss Theresa Sturla, who killed heI
| breyet husband In Chicago Tor 1n-trea.
ment. and was sentenced to one year
IMPRISONMENT, is going on the stage
some actor should attempt to shoot al
apple off her heal