Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1883-08-15
YOUR HOUSE.

BE true to yourself at the start, young man.
1e true 70 yourself and God:
Te es y ~e D shs your house marx ven the spot
On the sond OF the shaking cod.
HUMOROUS ITEMS.
GolIAH didn't live long enough to &C.
cuse David of an ungenerous fling
Boston Star.
AND now son of MI. Deecher has
kicked an insurance agent. There's
good in the family after al].-Bos.
Post.
KHoDE ISLAND wants q law against
snoring. They think it's all wrong that
one man should disturb the whole state.
IN. Y Com.
THERE is doctor in Wisconsin named
Green s. Apple. The only s'core" to
this Apple must be an ambulance corps.
Nors1stown Herald.
BARRIERS used to pull teeth. And
there are some BARRIERS who would do it
yet if the teeth only grew outside like a
beard Burlington Hasvkeye.
THE man who played Judas Iscariot
in 'The Passion Play" demanded his
pay in advance, and convinced tho man
ager that he was just suited to the part.
WHAT is the difference between cos
tuners and customers?-O U know.
Hot love soon runs cold. "--That's ow-
ing to the signs of it. Boston Zrav-
WHEN the dog gets after the boy in
the mellon patch, and there are no trees
handy, he sings: 'tOh, for the garden
wall. Cincinnati; ne chant and Ifuv-
eler.
BEE culture is becoming o great in
dustry in Texas. Profanity is also fine
art with tho inhabitants of that state.
and the two will work in together very
nicely.
'SAFE blowing" is looming up as q
business. It has always been phase of
human nature to indulge in blowing
from safe standpoint Pitts6urg TEL
egr0ph.
'PLEAsE to give me something, sir?"
says an old woman. II had a blind
child; he was my only means of subsis-
tence, and the poor boy has recovered
his sight,"
CHINA has almost 800, 600 soldiers in
her regular army, and if they charge an
English force, armed with laundry bills,
the latter are mighty likely to take to
fight
A YOUNG lady, who has probably had
reason to doubt the veracity of the male
biped, says patches of lies are only
equaled by the lies of baches. Boston
Transcript.
A WOMAN in Pennsylvania eloped last
week with the father of her husband.
Probably she thought she could 20
father and not fare worse.
Merchant and Traveller.
A NORTH CAROLINA man recently
ploughed up an emerald weighing nine
ounces and valued at $1,000. And yet
some scientists say the soil of the sunny
south is comparatively barren.
TIE following placard hangs up in a
Tennessee store window:
Peppermint lie for
aed axe
10th "
JOHN BRIGHT, the noted EnRlishman.
smokes good deal, and drinks whisky
occasionally. That story about Brightis
disease must be nothing but political
platform invented by an enemy.-M. o.
Pic.
Some people are very unaccommo-
dating. When Pennsylvania muir
derer asked the sheriff to attend to the
burial of his body, the sheriff told tie
man he'd see him hanged first. Boston
Post.
The man who has nice place in the
country is TO be envied at this time.
Although he has to send to the city for
all his fresh vegetables, he can 20 lie
on the grass and let the bugs bite him.
Ed.
THEY were boasting of their beautiful
figures. One said her figure wasn't like
figure anyhow, and the other retort-
ed that hers was not like figure 8, fig
ure-eightively speaking. Rails
Reporter.
ACCORDING to western paper, a Chi
cago engraver has discarded the tradi-
tional femalee of liberty and brought
out in her place the figure of q man
supposed to be living with his third wife.
N Y Com.
LITERARY matrop: "What does
Shakespeare mean by his frequent use of
the phrase Go top" Matter-of-fact
husband: "Well, herhaps he thought
it wouldn't be polite to finish the SEN
tence. "-Lond0n Punch.
A Transfer in Maine conquers balky
horses by taking them out of the shafts
and making them go round and round in
circle. This is the only method of
producing dizziness in Maine, which is a
prohibition state.-LoU. CIT.
One hundred million tons of water
pass over Niagara Falls every hour.
This seems like q lamentable waste, but
until water. meter is attached to the
cataract there is no possible way to
Erevent it.-Nes0t0's Graphic.
"DoN'T wish cream?" cried the good
old lady who had prospered in every
thing but education. "Why, that is the
patmitical part of the tea; it takes away
the canine and makes it taste quite cpl
cute.-Mrs. harrington.
TIE statistician of the Lowell Citizen
has discovered that q man can make
more of q blamed nuisance of himself
in five minutes with garden hose than
he can in an hour and half by any
other method.
DID you ever think what you would 10
if you had Vanderbilt's Income ?-Nor-
rist0,v,s Register. Well, no: but we
have often wondered what Vanderbilt
would do if he had our income. PhiIa-
dek2ohi0 Nea0s.
Two white tramps have been sent to
the chain gang for throwing kisses at the
young ladies of q Georgia seminary.
The privileges of the American citizen
seem to be getting very limited indeed.
~ y Com. Ado.
ALL summer resorts yet heard from
claim q sumptuous allowance of pretty
| oiria and q c0rreanOndino scarcity nj