davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

A young man biting his mustache
is a case of down in the mouth"
An improbable story is properly
a canard, because intelligent people
canardly believe it.
The average girl with big hat
loaded with flowers and feathers seems
all head TIL you talk to her.
How to Attain the Life Beyond" is
the title of a 50-cent book. We will
tell you for a cent. Eat cucumber
1t is a Chicago scientists prediction
that if pointed shoes remain in use
human toes viii eventually be obliter-
ated among civilized people.
The waitress inferred that the guest
had taken a little something before
supper from the mere fact of his order
ing tiled fraters and chork pops"
Mrs. GillolIy says she doesn't see
what they want to send way over to
Egypt to get rags for. She has been
fully supplied since she married
GiHolly.
At Niagara Falls young bride was
very much embarrassed when a hack
man pointed to her husband and said:
DO you want a carriage for your
father, missY'
Artemus Ward once Indignantly
remarked to a railroad president who
refused him a favor: You won't pass
me, because your road is so slow it won't
pass anybody"
Music teacher to scholar: "You see
that note with an open space? That's
whole note Can you remember
that?" Scholar: "Yes'm-a whole
note is a note with hole it"
A Kansas woman was upbraiding
her husband when cyclone hove in
sight, and, with sigh Of relief, the
unhappy man ran out into its path,
and was safely blown into the next
county,
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20

much, They released each other and
sprang for the door. They never
knew how they got out; but they
ran home in hot haste, painting like
stags.
1t was Barbara herself who came
and opened the door the next morn
ing
Its very early; one more little
nap" said he. cone more little nap"
turning over in his coffin.
So she married him; though she
sent Fritz and Barney invitations to
the wedding, they did not appear.
II they discovered the trick they kept
the knowledge to themselves and
never willingly faced Barbara's laugh
ing eyes again.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
Arab Courage.

The courage of the Bedouin is one
of their most lauded virtues, but one
which within the present century has
not been conspicuously vindicated. /
have seen more than once tribe on a
raid, and have heard more than one
tale of Bedouin battles. As rule, the
bulletin seems to be to the following
effect: 1--WE bravely attacked the enc
my, which made its appearance in a
force of one to our ten. We took
several prisoners, and the enemy lost
heavily, two horses and several COWS
being slain. AT length his remaining
forces withdrew, and we found our
casualties to include one mare hurt in
the leg by spear. We cut off the
fore fingers of our prisoners in remem-
brance of those of our tribe whose
boards and hair had been burned off
on a former occasion, and letting them
go, drove off the captured camels, and
endeavored to conceal as far as posi-
bic the direction of our victorious re-
treat" Such are the deeds which l
have heard recounted, and although
men are sometimes slain in battle, and
Fahed en- Nimar has legs which have
been peppered with small shot, it must
be remembered that to initiate blood
feud is a most serious circumstance in
tribe life, and that the whole policy of
the leaders will for many years be di-
rected to the healing of the breach
thus caused, and to the settlement of
blood money. When a disagreement
occurs between two tribes, they will
gather their spearmen, concentrate
their encampments, and square up, so
to speak, toward each other, but they
generally contrive, before matters
come to an open breach, to find third
party willing to mediate, and COM
promise is established, to the great re-
lief of the bold warriors on either side.
--BlGckICood'S Magazine.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
SelnShnpSS.

Poor human nature, which views
the universe from the standpoint of its
own interests, is illustrated in this an
ecdote:
a Scotch farmer was greatly exer-
cised regarding the safety of his hay
crop. The weather, though often
threatening, favored his efforts till he
had succeeded in getting it safely
gathered in, being in this respect more
fortunate than several of his neigbors.
After seeing the last wisp of straw
tied round his stacks, he exclaimed,
with a self satisfied air:
moo, sin hae gotten my hay a.
safely in, l think the warld would be
greatly the better O. guild shower
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
SCIENTIFIC SCRAPS.

Electricity has been successfully ap-
piled as a motive powe to Omnibuses
in Paris.
Cotton manufactured into duck Is
being successfully introduced as a
roofing material. Aside from its
cheapness it possesses the advantage
of lightness as compared with shingles
or slate; it effectually excludes from
water, and il is said to be non-con-
ductor of heat
Brohme's experiments seem to show
that in the plant there are two opera
tions taking place-making sugar
from carbonic acid and the conVert1on
of the same sugar into starch.
Sir Henry Thompson, the London
surgeon, recognizes in fish q combina-
tiOn of all the elements Of food that
the human body requires in almost ev'
cry phase of life, more especially by
those who follow sedentary employ
ment TO women he considers fish to
be an invaluable article of diet. but he
scouts as a complete fallaey the notion
that lish-eating increases the brain
power. "The only action fish had on
the brain was to put a mans body
into proper relations with the WORK
he had to do
Professor Sir w. Thompson, in his
new treatise on natural philosophy, is
led by a consideration of the necessary
order of cooling and consolidation OF
the earth to infer that the interior of
our world is not, rs commonly suppos-
ed, all liquid. with a thin solid crust
of from so to 100 miles thick, but that
it is on the whole more rigid than a
continuous solid globe of glass of the
same diameter, and probably more
rigid than such a globe of steel.
Edward Bromley, young Philadel-
phia machinist. asserts that he has dis
covered new mechanical law. the
application of which will enable him
to increase hundred. fold the power of
any machine. from a clock TO steam
ship, without using an ounce more
fuel than usual. or driving the motive
power any faster than ordinarily. The
discovery consists in combining the
action Of the screw, the inclined plane
and one other form Which, Ike Mr..
Kelley, he refuses to mention.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
Curious Facts About Insane People

The condition of idiots can some
times be mended by proper training.
There is an institution for this pur-
pose near Media, Pa 1t sometimes
happens that the infliction Of accidental
violence upon the head of idiots is fol-
lowed by the return of the mind. This
is a very singular but well authenticat-
ed fact 1t is stated by competent
authorities that the bones Of insane
persons become unnaturally brittle.
There is little doubt of the correctness
of this statement; and this fact at
times doubtless makes it appear as
though great violence had been in
flicted upon the insane; that is, very
slight injuries win in these persons
produce wounds which would re-
quire extraordinary violence for their
production in healthy persons. A
curious fact concerning melancholy is
that great actors, public orators, and
others who undergo great fatigue to
amuse the public are subject to this
very form of arrangement" The poet
Cowper was said to be suffering from
it at the time he wrote "John Gilpin." Z"
1t is due insane persons that they be
provided with the necessaries of life,
and that they be protected from their
own violence and from the violence Of
others AS far as possible. 1t is also
due society that the sane people in the
world be protected from the violence
of the insane. In no way can this be
accomplished as effectually as by the
hospitals for the insane. Notwith-
standing all the furore which is at
times raised against these institutions
it is probable that most of them are
managed in the best possible manner
Phizadelphi0 Times.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
Rules for Entertaining Guests.

Don't invite them if you don't want
them.
Don't run in debt to entertain them
in style.
Don't turn your house upside down
for them.
Don't wear your Sunday dress
when you are cooking the dinner.
Don't show them off too publicly if
they happen to be distinguished indi-
viduals, and don't hide them if they
are poor relatives.
Don't change the complexion of
your family prayers to match the relig-
ion they happen to belong to.
Don't tell them every minute to
make themselves at home, but make
your house so hOme-like that they can't
help feeling at home.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
partner and l divided $1,000 between
us that night"
Invention Of the Telephone.

This is Professor Bells account Of
the way in which the telephone came
to be invented. A reporter asked him:
'Was the invention of the telephone
the result of a deliberate research and
experiment for that purpose, or was it
discovery rather than creation" :"
ut was the result of long and pa
tient study of two distinct lines of
thought which finally blended in one,
producing the telephone. had for a
long time studied the subject of speech
and the organs by which it is produced,
as had my father before me, and in
doing so conceived the idea of producing
artificial sounds by a certain system.
| came to Canada for my health, am
a native of Scotland, you know, and
while studying electricity in the woods
there, and on regaining my lost health,
| was called by the officials of the Bos-
ton schools to introduce a new system
of teaching the deaf. 1t was nothing
less than teaching them TO speak. L
had long believed it possible to teach
! the deaf the use of the mouth and or
gans Of speech and had demonstrated
it in some degree, and gladly accepted
the opportunity of putting the system
into practical operation. | undertook
the work, keeping up, however, my
study of electricity and its application
to sound production. working late at
night after other people were at rest.
| In my efforts TO demonstrate to the
| deaf how the sound waves affect the
hearing ear ] made use of little In
strument with a membranous dia.
phragm which responded to the sound
way es. | conceived the idea of writ
ing these sound waves on smoked glass
so that they could be read. Continuing
| the experiment still further / obtain
ed a human ear, and found that by
speaking into it j could produce SINH
lar but more satisfactory results, little
bone in the ear being moved by the vi
bration of the ear drum and writing
! the sound waves on the glass. All
this time was continuing my eXper-
iments with sound and the application
of electricity to its production. l had
succeeded in a considerable degree
when suddenly the idea of connecting
the two successful experiments occur
red TO me, and / did SO, attaching the
ear to the instrument by which the
sounds were produced, and had the
telephone. The remainder was only a
matter of detail The two lines of
thought and investigation which i had
followed so long and patiently blended
there, and the result was the tele-
phone"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20

COurtship.

1t CHANGED, they say, upon day,
A iurlong from the town,
That she was strolling up the way
As he was strollng down;
She humming low, as might be so,
A ditty sweet and small;
He wListlIng loud a tune, you know
That had no tune at all
1t Happened so, precisely 30,
AS all their friends and neighbors know.
AS and you perhaps might do,
They gazed upon the ground;
But when they'd gone yard or two,
OF course they both looked round
They both were panied, they both explained
What caused their eyes to roami
And nothing after that remained
But he should see her home.
1t happened so, precisely so,
Asall their friends and neighbors know.
Next day 10 that twas common chat,
Admitting no debate,
bonnet close beside hat
Was sitting on gate,
A month, not more, had hustled DER,
When, Drawing nod and smile,
One blushing soul came through the door
Where two when up the aisle.
1t happened so, precisely so,
AS all their friends and neighbors know
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
What the Ship Brought Me.

| waited long by the wide bays side,
Waited until the sun went down,
And the mountain peak against the sky
Leaned, wearing a cleaning gold crown.
The crckets chirped in the waving grass,
The waves made music in passing along,
While many bird just going to rest
Sang its soft, melodious vesper song.
l heard the bells OF the village ring,
Ringing the close of the long days toll,
The end Of the fuctory's busy hum,
And the daily bor's brisk turmoil;
And The shadows deepenel while sat there
Watching, aye, Watching for one to come,
One who had been for whole long year
Many and many a mile from home.
What was that voice that listened to.
That sang a song OF sweetness rare1
What was the whisper that came to me
As sat watching tho bright waves there?
II was the voice of he hearts strong faith,
OF souls high trust it was the song,
And knew that | soon would behold the face
OF him who had absent been so long.
And the moon arose with her wouted grace,
And smiled on a sill so purely white
1t seemed / Ike the wing OF some spirit pale
That had cone abroad i'll the moonlit night
watched its coming with hope and fear
As / saw the vessel more PLAINLY grow
To my sight though it came on sluggish feet,
Aye, ii came, it seemed to me, so slow!
But iny for me was in that ship,
For it brought my loved one back to me
Him who had carried his mith and hope
All over the cruel, tempestuous sea;
And now, whenever sit beside
That white. capped by anl q sail appears,
l think the JOY which a sail brought me
One summer eve in the long gone years.
-CGieb Dunn.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1883-09-20
THREE BRAVE MEN.

Pretty Barbara Ferron would not
marry. Her mother was in consterna-
ton.
"Why are YOU so stubborn, Barbara"
she asked. You have plenty of
lovers?"
But they do not suit" said Barbara,
coolly tying her curlS before the mirror.
"Why not?"
Il want to marry man who is
brave, equal to any emergency. If l
give up my liberty l want it taken care
of.'
"Silly child! What is the matter
with Big Barney, the blacksmith o.
"He is big, but never heard that
he was brave"
"And you never heard that he was
not. What is the matter with Ernest,
the gunsmith p
"Heis as placid as goats milk"
That's no sign he is a coward.
There is Little Fritz. the tanner he is
quarrelsome enough for you, sureiyP'
"He is no bigger than bantam
cock. 1t is little good he can do if the
house was set upon py robbers
"It is not always strength that wins
fight, girl. 1t takes brains as well as
Drawn Come now, Barbara, give these
three young fellows fair trial"
Barbara turned her face before the
mirror, letting down one raven tress
and looping up another.
II will mother" she said, at last
That evening Ernest, the gunsmith'
knocked at the door.
"You sent for me, Barbara" he
said, going to the girl, who stood upon
the hearth, coquettishly warming one
pretty foot and then the other.
eyes, Ernest" she replied, 1've
been thinking on what you said the
other night when you were here"
"Well, Barbara"
Ernest spoke quietly, bat his dark
blue eyes flashed, and he looked at her
intently.
II want to test yOu."
How
81 want to see if you dare do very
disagreeable thing
"What is it?'
"There is an old coffin upstairs. 1t
smells moldy. They say Redmond, the
murderer, was buried init; but Satan
came for his body and left the coffin
empty at the end of week, and it was
finally taken from the tomb. 1t is up
stairs in the room grandfather died in,
and they say grandsire does not rest
easy in his grave for some reason
though that 1 know nothing about.
Dare you make that coffin your bed
to-night?''
Ernest laughed.
"Is that all. will do that and sleep
soundly. Why, pretty one, did you
think | had weak nerves."
Your nerves will have good proof
if you undertake it. Remember, no
one sleeps in that wing of the house."
81 shall sleep the sounder."
Good night, then; l will send a lad
to show you the chamber. If you stay
till morning" said the imperious Miss
Barbara, with nod of her pretty head,
Il will marry you"
"You VOW it p
Ernest turned straight away, and
followed the lad in waiting, through
dim rooms and passages, up echoing
stairs, along narrow damp ways, where
rats scuttled before, to low chamber.
The lad looked pale and scared, evident
ly wanting to hurry away, but Ernest
made him wait till he took a survey by
the aid of his lamp. 1t was very large
and full of recesses, which had been
barred across. He remembered that
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-26
Widows.

Why reflect on this worthy class OF
women? Many wise men have mar
ried widows and have found them the
best of wives. For instance, Wash.
ington, jefferson and Franklin each
married a widow, the names being sew.
orally Mrs. Curtis, Mrs. Skeleton and
Mrs. Read. The photographer John
son and the philanthropist Howard
each married widows who were many
years their senior, but they lived yer,
happy, and johnson never ceased tc
mourn for his departed "Tetty.'
Aaron Burr's first wife was widow
(AIrs. Provosi, and as long as she
lived his fortune was in the ascendant.
Their married life appears to have been
happy, but as in the case of Jefferson,
it only lasted ten years. The first Ma
poleon married widow, and as long as
he continued faithful to her his pro-
gress was brilliant and successful. A
very curious instance OF this Is found
in the history of Sir William Eerschel.
lie reached the age of fifty as bach
elor. but then married widow (Mrs.
Mary), with whom he lived in happy
condition for third of a century. They
had one son, Sir John Ierschel,
who became also an astronomer, anG
won high distinction. Mohammed is
also on the same list, for at twenty-five
he married the widow Kadijah, wh9
was forty, and whose wealth and in
nuence were an assistance to needy
adventures. These facts add fresh
value to the rich widows of New York
That one Of this number gave fifty
thousand dollars to benelicence, while
another builds q cathedral, is thus pub
li,h Il "a the world as a tribute to
American WomanhOOl.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-26

If you shake up basket of fruit or
of gravel, the smaller portions will 60
toward the bottom; the larger will
come toward the top. This is the or
der of nature. There is no way of
evading it. And the same order pre-
walls in the basket of human life. The
worlds shaking will send the small
characters downward and bring the
larger ones toward the top. The larger
characters are not to blame for this
The smaller ones have no right to com
plain of it. 1t is the shaking that does
the business.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-26
How to Avoid Danger.

In skating on ice, avoid skates that
are strapped on the foot, as they pre-
vent the circulation, and the foot be-
comes frozen before the skater is aware
of it, because the tight strapping be-
numbs the foot and deprivcs it of feel
ing. Serious injury may be done the
feet by this way. The safest kind are
those which receive the fore part of the
foot in a kind of toe, and a stout leath-
er around the heel, buckling in front of
the ankle only, thus keeping the heel
in place without spikes or screws, and
adding greatly in supporting the ankle.
1t is not the object so much to skate
fast as to skate gracefully; and this is
sooner and more easily learned by
skating with deliberation; while it pre-
vents ovcrheating, and diminishes the
chances of taking cold by cooling off
too soon afterward. If the wind is
blowing, a veil should be worn over
face, at least of ladies and children;
otherwise fatal inflammation of the
lungs, pneumonia" may take place.
Do not sit down for single half min
ute, nor stand still if there is any
wind; or stop moment after the
skates are taken off; but walk about
70 1,n nj, ,1nt in,, oh
the feet and toes, and to prevent
being chilled. 1t is safer to walk
home than ride; the latter is almost
certain to cause cold. Never carry
anything in the mouth while skating
nor any hard substances in the hand;
nor throw anything upon the ice;
none but a carelesS, reckless ignorance
would thus endanger a fellow-skater.
Always keep your eyes about you,
that you may avoid collisions. Ar
range to have an extra garment.
thick and heavy, to throw over your
shoulders the moment you cease
skating. and then walk home, or at
least half mile, with your mouth
closed, so that your lungs may not
be quickly chilled, by the cold air
dashing in upon them through the
open mouth; but if it passes in
through the nose and head it is
warmed before it gets to the lungs.
1t would be a safe rule for no child
Or lady to be on skates more than
an hour at Il time.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-26

The German geographical society and
similar associations the world over are
waiting with eager interest for the de-
tails of Lieutenant Wissmann's explor-
ing expedition in Africa. He has made
a desperate journey from Loanda on
the west African coast to Zanzibar.
1000 old miles away "as the crow flies"
but a much greater distance as the eX-
plorer Travelled. The German society
sent out this expedition in 1880 under
the command of DR.. Paul Pogge and
Lieutenant Wissmann. The former
made valuable ally, as he had already
Travelled in Africa, and it was agreed
that he should follow his old route so
far as the capital of Muata's realm, and
secure from the king the promise of an
unmolested passage for Lieutenant
Wissmann toward the northeast. But
as the traveller learned at Kimbundo
that Muata would not allow such
Journey, they followed Il caravan route
northeast from Kimbundo, finally
reaching the people of the Tussilanges,
who live beyond the largest southern
tributary of the Congo. The eXpedi-
ton, it is said, has been rich in scien-
tifc discoveries which will soon be
made public. A Berlin correspondent
notes that the list of African explorers
has taken on an International char
acter, Livingston and Cameron repres-
enting England, Stanley America,
serpa Pinto Portugal Wissmann Ger
many, DE Brazza France and Italy.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-26
PEARLS OF THOUGHT.

humanity is the equity ol lno hoart.
Pleasure is the reward of admira-
ion.
When you bury animosity, never
mind putting up a tombstone.
If men do us an evil turn, we write
it in marble; if a good one, in dust.
We would willingly have others per-
feet, and yet we amend not our own
faults.
The readiest and best way to find
out what future duty will be, is to do
present duty.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-26

For DYSPEPSIA, INDIC 1srIoN depression of
spirits and general debility, in their various
forms; also as preventive against fever and
ague and other intermittent fevers, the Fer
-Phosphorated Elixir of Calisaya," made
sold by all Druggists, is the best tonic; and
for patients recovering from fever or other
sickness il has no canal
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1883-01-26
A Hotel Mans Luck.

Mr.. j. G.Tyler, chief clerk at the Union
Depot hotel, Ogden, had rheumatism in
the muscles Of the chest and left Shout
der. BY applying the Great German
Remedy three days he realized complete
restoration. and he is of the opinion that
there is nothing equal to the st. Jacobs
Oil for pain. The Great German
Remedy is also a specific for burns and
sprains.--SoH LakeA Utah) Tribune.