The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1883-03-21
His Pa Goes Calling.

10y ~ CIV SNAtiito ~
SMART said the grocerynlan to the bad
boy as he pushed him into a corner by
the molasses barrel, and took him by
the neck and choked him so his eyes
stuck out. You have driven away
several OF my best customers, and now,
confound YOU, ] am going to have your
life.n and he took I'D Il cheese knife and
began to sharpen it on his boot.
"What's the-gurgle-matter,' asked
the choking boy, as the grocerynan's
fingers let up on his throat a lutte, so he
could speak. Il haint done nothin'.'
Didn't you hang up that dead gray
tom cat by the heels, in front OF my
store, with the rabbits | had tor sale:
I didn't notice it until the minister
called me out in front OF the store, n
pointing TO the rabbits, asked what good
fat eats were selling for. BY crilnus,
this thing has got TO stop. You nave
got to move out of this ward, or [ will.
The boy got his breath II said 1t
wasn't him that put the cat up there.
He said it was the policeman, and he
and his chum saw him do it, and he
inst come in to tell the groceryman
about it, and before he could speak he
| had his neck nearly pulled off. The
how began to cry and the grOceryman
told him that he was only joking, and
rave him y box of sardines and they
made 20. Then he asked the boy now
his pa put in his New Year, n the boy
sighed and said:
1--WE had q sad time at our house New
Years. Pa insisted on making calls,
and ma and me tried to prevent II, out
he said he was Of age, and guessed ne
could make calls if he wanted TO, SO ne
looked at the morning paper and got the
- I1 49, -1o..oe y.rh ARR fhGN were
Going to receive, and he turned his pa
ner collar. and changed ends with his
cuffs, and put some arnlca on MS nand-
kerchief. and started out. Ma told him
not to drink anything and he SAID ne
wouldn't. but he did. He was full the
third place he went to. q, so full. some
men can Get full and not show it, but
when pa GETS full, he gets SO full ms
back teeth float, and the liquor crowds
his ewes out, and his mouth gets loose
and wiegles all over his face, and he
laughs ali the time, and perspiratlon
lust oozes out Of him, and his face gets
red and he walks SO wide. ., he dls,
graced us all. At one place ne wished
the hired girl a happy New Year more
than twenty times and hung his nat on
her elbow, and tried to put on q fuooel
hall mat for his over shoes. At another
- MACE ne NdIkCQ OIl u Idoy . NoiA
carried away 4 card basket full OF pa
nanas and oranges. Ma wanted my
5 chi1m and me to follow pa and brlns
him home. and about dark we founG
him in the door yard OF a house Wher'
Q they have statues in front OF the house
and he grabbed me by the arm, and NUS
took me for another caller, and lnslste'
on introducing me to a marble statu
without any clothes on. He said it wa
i friend of his, and it was a winter ple
mic. He hung his hat on an evergreen
e and put his evercoat on an iron fence
and was so mortified [ almost crled
Nv chum said if his pa made such
IS circlls OF himself he would SAND pa
him. That gave me al idea, and Whe
d we cot pa most home, | went ana got
$ paper box covered with red paper, so
i looked Just like a brick, and a bottie :
tomato ketchup, and when we got pa Y
e on the stems at home, / hit him VIII tl
a. 1aIar brick. and nv chum squirted tn
ketchUp on his head, and we demands
d his zone and then he yelled murde
and we lit cut, and ma and the mlnlstS
who was making a call on her, all u
IS afternoon, they came to the door al
a nnIled pa in. He said he had been g
lacked bv a band of robbers, and the
s. knocked his brains out, but he Whlppe
N them. and then ma saw the ketch.
lp brains oozing out Of his head, ana s.
screamed. and the minister said, .Go'
I'd heavens, he is murdered ana just III
T came in the back door and they Sc
r, me after the doctor, and they put pa !
lis the lounge, and tied up his head VIII
or towel to keep the brains in, and pa I
let can to snore, and when the doctor Cal
in it took them half an hour 70 wa
him and hen he was awful SICK 70 !
stommich, and ma asked the doctor
he would live, and the doctor ahalyz
or the ketchup, and smelled OF It, ana 70
en- ma lie would be all right If he nae
lin little Worcester sauce to put on Win
at, Eetchup. and when he said pa Wot
adj null through, ma looked awful 50
N. fTThen ia opened lis eyes and saw 7
in minister and said that was one OF I
en- roEDers that jumped on him, and
wanted to whip the minister. but
nd doctor held pas arms and ma sat on
40. lers. and the minister said he had
some other calls to make, and ne WISE
We ma O happy new yeer in the hall, mt
nv as fifteen minutes. His happy p
year to ma is most as long as his pr,
Sed ers. Well we got pa to bed, and WI
u.a undressed him we found nine n
re- kins in the bosom of his vest, tna5
had picked up at places where ne cal
i've He is all right this morning, but ne $
go it is the last time he will drink GO
when he makes New Years calls.
Dor Geo. W. Peck.
the Fine Job Printing a specially at
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