Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1883-12-06
A TESTERS JOKES.

4 Toronto man waited until he was
eighty three years old before he got
married. That's like running three
miles to get good start for fourteen
inch jump tlawkeye.
A tramp named Garret was found
fast aslepp in Newport celler few
mornings ago. That proves that there
can lie such a thing rs n garnet in a
cellar.-Kentueky State Journal.
A young man out in Waupun, Wis,
organized an accordion corps. AT last
accounts he was still half mile ahead
Of the inhabitants, but things looked
quite encouraging, as he was very much
out of Observation-Disclosures Gail.
Waiting. only Waiting" is the title
ola little poem on our desk. We are
glad that the author feels SO cheerful
shout it. II may be necessary for him
TO wait quite little while longer before
ne sees it in print. Free
Press.
OHIO has twenty three odd hundred
of deaf mutes. But the oldest thing
about the entire business, and which
mostly dumbfOundS us, is the readiness
with which they all catch on to softly
whispered invitation to go out and see
man-Chicago Telegram.
DO you see that hairless old man
over there eating pie" said a ressaur-
ant waiter. "Well, that chap comes in
here every day, takes a half pie, and
never eats anythn. : else. Yes, see"
was he reply. "He is your regular pie
bald customer "-Philadelphia Chroni-
Gle.
A grave robber at Syracuse, \. y,
has been sentenced to four years and
six months in the State Prison. His
sentence was light, owing to the fact
that the stolen remains We're those OF
man who was a teacher of the accordion
during life-Bismarck Tribune.
Il don't like to be joked this way"
said a man who had been called Il liar
by an acquaintance. ats no jOse,"
theacuuaintance replied. IL mean what
I>ay." "Oh, well, then if you are in
earnest, all right, but please understand
that | cannot take joke "-Arkansaw
Traveller.
\ man in Maine wants divorce be.
cause his wife went to mans funeral
and afterwards wore mourning for three
months. He should have a divorce.
Two months is long enough for any
wife to wear mourning for another wO-
mans husband, when he is no relation
To NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
A NEGRO Minstrel Festival" of one
weeks duration, is TO be held in Gin
| ciunati in January, and already aged
and derrepid jOkes-Sray-haired, tooth
| less ami tOtteriDg-are hobbling on
| crutches towards the Paris OF America,
| so that they may arrive in season for the
| opening observation-disclosures Herald.
"Ihave strong following" remark
| ed the burglar, as he shot down the
alley Just ahead of a detective, two po-
liceInen, a constable and q dozen stray
citizens, "and think if L can get out OF
town ahead OF my ticket Pm all right
in the country" And so he was, for
he ran into barbed wire fence at the
corporation limit and they counted him
in.-Hawkeye.
al didn't want to kill the fellow"
said young man to his father. II
wasn't afraid of him, and l gave him
| TO understand that / wasn't. You see,
We were standing in front of the saloon
| wi en- the quarrel arose. He called me
a ar, and knew that there were only
TWO chances left for me-shOot him or
run" "What did you do?" We'll,
YOU see, as l didn't have pistol had
TO take the other chance"
Traveller.
Father. I'd like to be an actor" said
young man, whose name was Tim D
Thy Stubs. II would be willing, my
hoy" said the old man, "but you would
never succeed" "Why not? / have
the same chance as Others" "NO, you
haven't. Yer names agin yer. never
| knowed an actor who hadn't high
sounding name" THAT'S So" said the
youth refectively, and the project was
abandoned Journal.