The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1883-05-04
WIT AND HUMOR.
"When the swallows hOmeward fiv, '
ha ha r fnnlo,. ,.a "a L., Abx oAo

All is not sealskin that shines. Cats
have been known to run on backyard
fences when new fur cloak was going
by.
A man who visited the signal service
department while in Washington, says
it reminded him of social party. All
the people were talking about the
weather.
There is a supply of cognomens in the
world sufficient to suit both sexes, but
when it comes to naming the first baby
the selection appears as meager as the
purse of tile proud parent.
The statistics. as given by the Detroit
Free Press, show that California stage
rObber saved $4,58l in ten months, but
in nine months u Niagara hackman
saved $5. PCS.
We have heard negroes singing "I'm
bound for the promised land" while
walking along the street at night. But
they couldn't fool us that way; they
were bound for somebody's hen roost.
Fogg had tooth which troubled him
exceedingly, but he wouldn't have il
out, not because he was afraid to, as
some of the directors affirmed. but be-
cause he wished to retain it as keeps
ache.
"You wouldn't take me for married
man, would yOu?' asked a student of a
CORTLAND girl Sunday night. II rather
think would if you should ask me,
was the response. He bought ring
next day.
A Delaware girl married a youn q
man the same day he went to jail, her
object being to have some romance
about it. The day after he came out he
broke her nose, and she signs for no
more romance.
| A Colorado man was recently killed
while gathering scuttle of coal in his
back yard. After few more heart
rendering occurrences like this, wives
will begin to learn their household
duties. Drummer.
'Orange suppers" are the latest New
Hampshire dissipation. The Baptist
Society at Amherst had one last week,
ut which oranges cooked in various
ways" constituted large part of the
refreshments. Banana kettledrums
will come next
The Rev. Joseph Cook says that, un-
der the sacredness of the betrothal tie,
| q HindOo woman is lower than a slave,
if her spouse dies. 1t is different in this
country. Here in this country she is
lower than slave, as long as her spouse
| lives.
A paper started in New York two
weeks ago has not yet announced that
it has .'larger circulation than any
other journal in the city," 1t is the
only paper that hasn't. Perhaps the
editors have conscientious scruples
against lying!-Norristown Herald.
During the honeymoon man can
come home from lodge at a late hour,
fall down, roll under the bed. and tell
his wife he is looking for his collar-but-
ton, but after that period the explana-
ton wears an extremely gauzy appear
| ancc.
1t took certain young clerk all aback
when at the Opera House last evening.
he whispered to his girl that he guessed
he would step out moment to take the
air, and she quickly responded: 1T is
very oppressive. dear; I'll go with YOU"
Round Table.
Mr.. and Mrs. David Davis are home
from their wedding tour, and invitations
are out for quilting bee. Quilts, how
ever. are not much needed this time Of
the year, and most likely this is only q
blind. Mrs. Davis object being To get
enough help to build a patch for David's
| trousers.
Can you tell me- said a frugal
wife, to the head Of the family, rs she
handed him pair of trousers of her
own manufacture, lean you tell me the
Irish peer?" $50 on, DEAR" was the
reply; proceed, and do your worst"
1.-THE difference is that one makes the
daddy's pants and the other makes the
Paddy's dance"
This was the way his spouse encourage
ed him, when he fell from a Memphis
ferry-boat into the Mississippi and was
struggling in the water for dear life:
"NOw. Samuel. didn't | tell you so?
Now, then, work your legs, flop your
arms, hold your breath, and repeat the
Lords Prayer. for its mighty uncertain,
Samuel, whether you land in New Or
leans or eternity"
A certain '.Uncle James" of our ac-
quaintance, whose execution is not quite
equal to his preference for the violin,
was paid Il delicate left-handed compli-
ment the other night by his little niece,
who, being awakened sometime in the
small hours of the night by the hideous
performances of two felines under the
window. naively remarked, mamma,
don't like to hear Uncle James play
on the violin"
A St, Louis doctor asserts that an old
fellow on the State line. who claims to
| be root doctor. has but three medicines
in the dispensatory. He has named
them respectively Hibobalorum. Lobo-
| bahirum and Hilobustem. One is a ca
thartic, another an emetic and the last
a frank pizen," which will bust his
patients open. He makes the first by
| peeling the bark downward, the second
by peeling it upward and the last by
| peeling it around.
Heard in the great West: 'Is that
the big bonanza mine over there?"
"Yes." "And did that big pile of ore
come from it?" yes" "All right,
l will stake out claim right here, go
back East and form company"
"But there is no ore in this part of the
district, YOU knowP' Never mind
about that. can say there is plenty of
ore in sight. "-Philadelphia NeDs.
"Mr. Speaker" said an Arkansas
legislator, II am compelled to ask for q
leave of absence, having just received a
telegram stating that my son has killed
a man." just then another dispatch
he said: "The last dispatch, Mr..
Speaker, makes correction, stating
that my son was the one who was killed.
Go ahead with your rat killing. A leave
of absence is unnecessary, "-ArkansaU
Trareler.
Will you have dinner at the eating
station? asked the train boy of the pas
senger. YES" said the passenger,
arising and following the boy. II just
wanted to know" said the boy, $50
could telegraph ahead" Telegraph, "
repeated the tired passenger, whose pa
thence the slownesS of the train had ex-
hausted, 81 thought you wanted me to
stroll ahead and eat by the time the
train would get there. "-ArkansaU
Traveller.
Queen Corola, of Saxony, has beau
tiful face and engaging manners. She
is fond of English literature and reads
American stories to her children. Many
readers will remember that when she
was herself princess she won the love
of Napoleon III, who sought her hand.
But the Crown Prince Albert of Saxony,
won the bride, and the Princess Corola
! was married to him in June, 1853. Two
years after, Napoleon and Eugene were