The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-04-25

Magistrate should go cunning
THE the profound social truth that "women
are rum critters becomes more deeply impress
ed upon the mind of the thoughtful reader every
day. At no time in his life is man safe from
their wies and machiuations. At the mature
age of ninety it might be supposed that man
of experience would be able to cope with and
circumvent the most giddy and gueful member
of the opposite sex without resort to extreme
measures, but Jonathan Whitney, living near
Cleveland, found himself unable to do so. Jona-
than is ninety years old and has second wife,
herself "along in years." but not too old to make
eyes at Jonathan's sOn-ln-law. At least the old
gentleman thought he saw something of the
kind through his spectacles and demonstrated
with his spouse. Reproof had no effect, how
ever and Jonathan was forced TO attempt to
blow her head off with re-
volver, failing in which he tried to chop
it off with an AK. She cluded him, and while
Jonathan languishes in Jail, the heartless woman
who TITLED with the affections of the nOnogena-
rian is at large to do execution elsewhere.
AS if it were not enough that men should be
driven to crime by woman, while in this world,
they are matrested by them after death. The
body of man who was killed in New York the
other day forcbly taken from the coroner
by the indignant widow, and by her placed
under the bed out OF sight. Sine had no oSjec-
tions to having her sold man" buried, but she
wanted different undertaken to do the job.
The most aggravated case lately made public is
that OF Mr.. Creed, veterinary surgeon of New
York For ten years he had lived peaceably
with TWO wives The domiciles of the two were
only few blocks apart making IL easy for him
to divide his time between them imparIially,
and to account for his absence to each by the
plea of very sick horses at somebody's stables.
Mr.. Creed died the other day at the residence of
the wife whom he married ten years ago, aud
that lady proceeding to make arrangements
for the funeral, when the woman who had been
Mrs. Greed for thirty years appeared with a po-
liceman and took the corpse away. Instead of
continuing the harmony and peace which was
dear to Mr.. Creed's heart and which lie had so
! long maintained, these two reflects have raised Il
| disturbance over his remains which must be very
| trying to his ghost. At latest accounts IL does
not appear whether the women have yet per-
united the body of their husband to be placed
comfortably under ground. They might bury him
amicably, if they were true women, after Nor
gan Dixs heart, and weep in unison over his
grave, or shed on alternate days, as they saw tit.
THE latest invention is a suicide pellet, by
means of which mortal weary of life can get
| rid of it very suddenly and very etfectually.
| They are the size OF capsule, and are Favored
to suit any taste. When swallowed by the vic
tim the moisture of the stomach causes them to
explode, and the man is blown to atoms Thus
! IA Respondent man can be provided with a lemon
or vanilla favored torpedo and genteelly blow
himself into smthereens. The plan has
| its advantages First, il it performs
according to contract, there will be no need of Il
costly funeral Secondly, there will be no like
|
county will be saved the coroners fees And
| then the general effect. How much better witha
10 blow up than to cut ones throat or to send a
bullet through ones brain-pan A fellow al
ways looks unused up by any of the old plans,
but il lie takes one of these capsules he leaves
no unpleasant reminders. IL is to be hoped the
new plan will be generally adopted.
| CORPORATIONS may not have any souls, but
railway corporations nave too good taste 10
allow their railway carriages to be detuced by
advertisements OF liver pads, lung remedies and
4 hair reviewers. IL is marvel that the great
| medicine man has not made his way in this di-
rection, and it is the everlasting credit of rail-
way managers that they have not been pre-
vailed upon to make billbOards of their coaches.
II would be- the sure source of considerable rev.
enue. II is bad enough to be hustled along at a
rate that threatens instant destruction with
out having some hendish advertisement
insinuate that il you should be lucky enough to
escape from the train with your life, you
will find it burden unless you eat a certain
number of certain brand of pills OF drink 50
many bottles of a certain liver stinulator
THERE are some points in which st. Louis en-
| terprise surpasses the Chicago article. The
| county recorder at st. Louis has been much an
noyed by the presence in his office of runners for
the peace justices. These gentry acted soap
pers" for their employers, and when matrmo-
nially-lnclined couple procured marriage license,
used their best efforts to induce them TO have the
ceremony performed by justice. The recorder
| put veto ON this method of procuring business.
but his troubles are by means ended. On Mon
day, couple procured a license, and before they
| got out of the office clericalooking man
costed them, proposing to take them TO hotel
| and perform the ceremony. So far the
turns go, this is peculiarly St. Louis industry.
| The recorder is incubating q scheme to head off
| the clergy.
Two pair of feminine eyes play part In the
star-route trial. 'The two ladies, hose striking
beauty makes them the subject of much remark"
writes the Washington correspondent OF the
Baltimore Sun, "show constant interest in every
feature of the trial. and their patient and untir-
| ing watchfulness can but be noted by judge,
jury. counsel and spectators. They are sisters,
born in Arkansas one is the wife of OK Senator
Dorsey, the other the widow of Peck. who was
indicted with Dorsey"
| A CERTAIN Philadelphia restaurateur draws
the line men who shovel food. into their
mouths, and when customer is detected
carrying food to his mouth with his knife he ia
invited to go. 1t is not made plain why Ken
lucky congressman are thus Disseminated
against.