The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-02-06
WIT AND HuMoR.


naisiS cheap for cash if it coule find a
| purchaser.
IT is said that great improvement will
be made next year in railroad restaurant
sandwiches.
You can give a MANTLE cold shoulder
| and not hurt his feeling Il bit if You only
/ go at it right. 1t should be a cold shout
| der OF mutton.
/ Never kiss anybody on the mouth,
SAYS Dr. Hall. unless you are reckless
of consequences. What, do they ever
bite? No. matter-we are reckless.
A young woman who has a wart on
her nose complains that when she has
| cold in her head it makes her nose
/ warter.
The zodiacal sign for the opening of
| Winter is a goat. The goat is a hard
| butter, and hard butter is almost always
a sign that the weather is cold.
He's grown to be a polished gentle
| man. anyhow" said an old lady, gazing
| fondly as she spoke at the shining bald
head of her son, just returned after a
long absence.
Previous to 1860 the French would not
eat potatoes. it being supposed that they
would cause freckles. What harm would
it have been had there been freckled-
faced nationa
Said doctor to lady patient: You
must take exercise for your health, my
dear" ''AH right she said "Tll
jump at the first offer" They were
married shortly afterwards.
What is virgin forestP' asked AN
auditor. '*Phwat is a vairgin forest is
it We want to know? A vairgin forest,
sur. is one phwere the hand of man has,
niver set fut, bedad."
And what do you call THAR asked
the inquisitive visitor. pointing to mu-
tilated statue. That is a torso" re-
piled the sculptor. HIM" muttered
the visitor; "but how did it become tore
sop
A man at a hotel fell the whole length
of a flight of stairs. Servants rushed to
pick him up. They asked him if he
was hurt. NO he replied: mot at
at all. I'm used to coming down that
way. I'm life-insurance agent"
One of the Aides on the military staff
of the Governor of Ohio has wounded
himself in the leg three different times
while trying to draw his sword, but he
is going TO persevere until he can coop
er the proper style.
A man named Darrell lives in town
in the western part of the state. His
friends say: If you flour Darrell with
whisky he gets staving and hoops 'er up
so loudly that policemanchimes in and
heads him for the cooper some other
place of confinement"
A party of young men dined sumptn-
ously at restaurant and each one in
sisted on paying the bill. To decide the
matter it was proposed to blindfold the
waiter, and the first one he caught
should pay the bin. He hasn't caught
any of them yet
An Illinois court has decided that a
woman's lie about her age doesn't viii
ate her Insurance policy. The Judge
thought that If they expected woman
to tell the truth on that point they de-
served to be swindled
Said the owner of the pottery-works
in reply to a question By visitor: NO,
we never have any work lost. If dish
or cup comes out badly, so that it can
not be sold for the purpose for which it
is intended, we dispose of it for bric-a-
brae.f
Jones having invested in a silver mine
is puzzled He has been called upon
for an assessment to build works for re-
ducing the ore. He always thought the
object of mining was to increase the ore.
But Jones is not an expert and he don't
know much any way.
Some one pinned card of wv arrant-
ed Fresh to the cloak of Chicago
woman, the other day, and she walked
the streets for two hours with it. Now
her husband wants to give one hundred
dollars for the name of the miscreant
who did the advertising.
Come here, my little fellow said a
gentleman to "a youngster of five years,
while sitting in parfor where large
was assembled; ''do youknow
meYf '.Yeth thir.'' s.Who am I?"
You it'll the man who kithed mamma
when papa was in Albany"
How do YOU feel, my little manP''
asked youth of his sweetheart's little
brother. The young fiend looked up AZ
him sidewise. aud with a grin respond
ed: Il feel just as if I'd like to have a
dime" He got it, but his prospective
brother-in-law now avoids the health
question.
He was lisping drumn1er and had
pretty good opinion of himself. He said
TO bis partner at dance in a town not
far from Boston, II wanth you't tn to
nnderstan' that L m no ordinary wun-
ner. / belong TO the firm of Jones &
Thun. NV father is Jones and I'm thee
Thun.''
..Protoplasm,' remarked the PROBES
sor, lis composed of carbonic acid. wa
Ter and ammonia, in which compound
5he water largely predomin ates. To |
What conclusion does this iead?'' The