Connecticut western news., 1883-08-29
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SNIILE
 OVER THIS WEEK.
A Slaughter HOuse-Railrond Economy He Loved NIusic-The EditOr's Tr0w- sers, Etc., Etc.

A Slaughter House-Railrond Economy
 He Loved NIusic-The Editor's Trow-
 sers, Etc., Etc.
 SLAUGHTER HOUSE.
 Ia warning the veterans of the late war against exaggerating what they did aud saw in it, ex-Governor Curtin at Washington banquet related the follow ing anecdote of revolutionary veteran, who, having outlived nearly all his com rades, and being in no danger of contra diction, rehearsed his experience thus wise: ''In that fearful day at Monmouth, although entitled to horse, I fought on foot. With each blow severed an Englishman's head from his body, until huge pile of heads lay around me, great pools of blood on either side, and my shoes were so full of the same dread full fluid that my feet slipped beneath me. Just then felt touch upon my shoulder, and, looking up, who should I behold but the great andygood Washing ton himself Never shall forget the majesty and dignity of his presence, as, pressing his hand upon me, he said: My young friend, restrain yourself, and for heavens sake do not make slaughter house of yourself" The shouts of laughter that greeted this story showed that the Governor had made point Detroit Free Press.
 RAILROAD ECONOMY.
 sNothing is wasted on our road" ex- plained railroad president, who was under examination the other day as to the condition of his line. "There is not a concern in, the country that utilizes everything as we do."
 "Do you put everything to some use P'' inquired an incredulous lawyer.
 "We fail in pothing," replied the pres ident. "You,4 can't nameea thing that we do not derive some benefit from"
 "Ever had wash-out ?" Nesked the lawyer, sarcastically.
 eve have."
 '.To what use did you put that?'
 "We watered the stock with it l" and the witness was allowed to depart in tri- umph. IraUeIer's MdgdzSpe.
 EVIDENCE ENOUGH.
 A New York broker, who left the street three or four years ago, one day received call from man up the river, who announced that old Blank WAS dead
 ssOld Blank. Yes, I remember him so he is dead ?"
 "Yes, and his heirs are trying to breal the will.'
 "They are ?'1
 "Yes, and they are going to have it h. was crazy. They want yoa as witness.
 "Want me? Why. I know nothing O the old man, except that once invested $1O, 900 for him."
 "Well, that's all they expect to prove by you"
 "What, eh?'
 "Why, if you'll come into court ana swear that the old man let you hay, $1O, ,OO0 to invest for him the case i made out. When can you come ?" l He never went. - Wat Street Nesos.
 THE MOUSE ESCAPED. A lady while engaged in the pursui i, of her domestic duties encountered mouse in the flour barrel, Now, mos } ladies, under similar circumstances 7 would have uttered few genuine shriek ) and then sought safety in the garret
 but this one possessed more than tn ordinary degree of genuine courage She summoned the man servant and toll t him to get the gun, call the dog, am ) station himself at convenient distance 7 Then she clambered half way up stair F and commenced to punch the flour bal 5 rel with a pole. Presently the nous , made it's appearance and started acros } the floor. The dog at once went in pun l suit. The man fired and the dog droppe dead. The lady tainted and fell dow
 the stairs, and the man, thinking tha she was killed, and fearing that he woul l be arrested for murder, disappeared ? and has not been seen since. The nous l escaped.
 s TWO CURIOUS THINGS.
 They said it was curious circum stance that two men from New York two from Boston and two from Philadel phia should all meet at the same hotel i 7 Colorado In fact, the six sat in a ro' on the verandah, all smoking, when t native came up and said: 5 "Gentlemen, have discovered ne' l silver mine which beats anything ill tn country. There are thousand tons C . ore in sight, and the assayer says it's 9 1 per cent. pure quill. want to get m l dying wife out of this climate, and r. , sell the mine to any of you for $5, ,OOO. . Then the other curious thing hay l pened. Not one of the six men replie l a word. Not one of them even locke s up. Not one of them seemed to care l continental whether his old ore assaye s 15 or 95 per cent. They had all " bee = there. ."- WaU Street NeaOs. THAT LITTLE SECOND. "Little children should never ge