The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1883-12-19
BOHEMIAN BRIC-A-BRAC.
FINALE

FINALE SUFFRAGE.
So this question is up again? And
why do women want to vote?
Because they want to.
Because they can't.
Because they don't.
Because they wouldn't if they
could.
Why, then do they want to vote?
Because.
Because they do.
Yes, but why do they want to
vote?
Because.
ADVANCE OF CIVILIZATION.
Have you had the watch fiend and
the picture fend? We have. Got
'em now. Got 'em bad.
The tart gallery" has come-and
its painted-by the. yard oil daubs and
its done-by-the-thousand chromos
have commenced their work of bank
rupting public taste.
And the bankrupt stock" of
watches ami jewelry has arrived.
Arrived several times Of late, and it
arrives so often that we wonder what
is the matter at the "other end of the
line" Sold at auction TAT half the
cost of productions" the sacrifice"
results in a crop of repairs for the
resident jeweler, who "gets in his
work" though he keeps his stock.
HOTEL APHoRIsMs.
I've often wondered why some one
don't make a business of going about
the country and collating a book of
sayings to be picked up around the
hotel stove. AS I warmed my back
at the Laclede the other night, I
heard someone speak of a 'hog so
thin he could spit through him."
while q moment after a gentleman
compared somebody's haste to
leave the country with the
CELEBRITY of movement to be expected
of a "cat shot with hot fat" OF
course all these remarks are not
original: and a Helena lawyer who
likened an absconding debtor to "the
baseless fabric of a vision and lett no
purse behind" was, [ suspect, as
much Of thiefas the gentleman who
had decamped to Texas. But the old
gentleman who sat growing over the
slowpess of the Utah & Northern.
though perhaps not original, was ef-
fective when he exclaimed: "Specs f!
OF course l missed my specs. I
needed 'em to see the a + co." And
the young man who observed that he
hadn't been seen upon the street
since his arrival, because of the fact
that most Of the time he had been at
the table "fortiied behind a plate of
pork and BEANS" was probably as re-
sponsible for his remark as the fat
man who declared the chicken he
had just eaten was like ''all hotel
poultry-as old and thin as a Govern
ment claimant
You hear lots of lies about the hotel
stove. 1t is my opinion that the
young gentlemahfwith the red cravat
deliberately p~revalicated when he
declared he had just heard q s''snn'
trustee in Helena assert: "Gec,H.!ry
and trigonometry! What's the use
Of them languages? Our children
won't ever visit foreign parts"
Nor did 1 believe the yarn spun by
the pilgrim in the plug hat. He said
he couldn't get what he ordered in
the dining room, and that when he
told the waiter he wanted more grub
and less apology, that heather re-
piled: Eyes, sab, but We amt got no
'pologies and de ham am all out"
It was at the table 1 heard the
young lady confess that she was
perfectly devoted to lemons,;' and
at the hotel I first heard the COMPARE
son: Like a hog in an orchard, lis
tening for the fall of an APPLE" The
lerson who declared the ~cantelope to
be "a bad cross between a poOr
squash and a NEAR pumpkin"
declared it at a hotel; and
the mother who related that her son
reported the refreshments at the
party to have been " ice cream; gum,
and a bottle of whiskey," related it at
an hotel.
No wonder the hotel clerk is so
smart; he hears these things by the
year, and he should get out a book.
Was here a day or two ago. Of late,
when he comes, people get around
the corner and wonder what is UP,
They used to think he came upon
politics intent; but now, for some
reason, they suspect some great great
railroad or other scheme is to burst
upon us with his advent. But this
time it " as to manage the sale of a
$40, 1000 coal mine, and to ring the
changes upon the claim that the n.
P. is slower than the coming of a
transfer in the delegateship. He still
remains the handsomest man in Mon
tana but We don't believe that the
narrow gauge runs sixty miles a
minute, if he does say so.
THE DIFFERENCE.
They had just come from Massa-
chusetts, where things are cheap.
She was Mortified over the price of
He returned after a stroll |
over town and planting his fist upon
he table exclaimed. "Great Lord! |