The daily Cairo bulletin., 1883-06-19
WIT AND HUM0R,

he dogs, he Is quickly bounded down.
Mrs. Partington, dear old lady, says
hat there are very few people nova
lays who Sutlerfrom suggestion OF the
Drain. y t.r
An Iowa editor, being asked by cor
respondent If hogs paid, has looked over
lis subscription list. and decided that
hey do not.
"I'm saddest when sing" lamentcd
he poet, but if he could have sung for
s5, 600 night he would doubtless have
,een saddest when he couldn't sing,
Patti says music belongs to heaven,
cut the Rochester Post-E1presS thinks
5000 night II hades of price to pay
| or it,
Aberdeen has granite enough to sup
by every person in Great Britain with
tombstone, and is rather anxious to
10 it.
"Are you Owen Brown?" asked II
Harlem man of gentleman he met
yesterday. "Ycs, | am owin Brown,
out what business is it of yours il |
tmpN
The fat Pittsburgher who sat down
lpon and hattened out lot Of tin meas
Tres at n grocery store, the other even
no, has gone to Colorado to accept n
position as n quartz-crusher.
A man in the central Office of the tel
,phone company says that the noise
! here is different from a young lady at
4 party. for one is ball room belle and
he other is bell room bawl.
Jacob Schneider ran away with Hans
Breitenbock's wife. Upon being inter
viewed the husband said: "Dot is the
BEST way not to speak little about it.
But pities Yacob Schneider,
What decoration is that you are wear
ng?n said an Austrian Sergeant to a
new recruit. The man blushcd deeply
and responded; ''It's medal our COW
won at a cattle-show.
An Iowa woman, the other day, un-
lertook to drive Il tack, and not only
Knocked her thumb as fiat as apancake,
out broke her seventy-dollar mirror be-
hind her.
The new license bill recently passed
by the Ohio State Legislature imposes
tax of $500 upon spiritualistic me-
liums. This is unique way to strike
the happy medium
1--WE know thee, gentle spring, sings
a poet. Indeed, but this poet would be
a good fellow to take along at a mas
luerade He could penetrate most any
Disguise
A belle, who six months ago was so
Ianguid that she could scarcely support
herself at the altar, now throws Hat
iron fifty-six feet and hits her husband
every time.
When the minister announces, "The
collection will now be taken up, every
Irish Invincible in the congregation
instinctively rises in his seat and turns,
hat in hand, to his nearest neishbor.
When you see a man walking along
the public thoroughfares, with bowed
head, apparently "buricd in thought
Won can size him up as Il humorst. Any
man who is always buried in thought
never has any grave feelings.
Summer boardcrs that have been as
signed to the top floor of an old-fashion-
ed farmhouse for term of weeks
unite in the opinion that such buildings
are erected on the principle OF hide
roast attlCS.
"Oh, dear" exclaimed Edith to her
doll, II do wish you would sit still. !
never saw such an uneasy thing in my
life. Why don't you act like grown
people and be still and stupid for
awhile, "
Samuel Gum was recently arraigncd
in local court for intoxcation. When
he shot his breath at the judge the lat
ter remarked that it was evidently a
muzzlc-odor, but he couldn't permit a
discharge,
He stood before her holding both her
hands in his and he asked softly "Why
am like railroad train?' Because
you never get anything to eatP' "NC,
ny own, it is because | hold two
| wrists.
WAS at the club last night; had
oang-up dinner" remarked Tom.
"Ah! said Charley "then | suppose
you have a fine headache this morning.
A headache generally follows a stuffed
,lub you know
What dirty coat that is, said Mrs.
Cleanly; "it looks as though all the rag
pickers in town had had it on their
backs Then suppose" suggested
Cleanly, that you would call it a coat
)f many cullers.n
he average young man in New York
might as well emigrate. Judge Arnoux
mas decided that ice cream saloons may
De kept open on Sunday. Evidently
he Judge wants to discourage gallantry
N the metropolis, The Drummer.
Mr. Swinebune has written a poem
On the death of Richard Wagner The
amount OF damages the great compos-
en- heirs will sue for is not stated; but
It is believed that it will be less than
S,OOO,0O0, anyhow,
AT Sarah Bernhardt's tea the other
lay a certain Count appeared with one
arm in sling, having wounded himself
while out shooting, "Really?" ouoth
the sympathetic Sarah, $50 there was
40 other game?'
Professor Swift offers 5000 ia ,ha dis-