The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-07-06
WHOLE NO. 73O
DEER LODGE, MONTANA, JULY g, 1888. w
WHY WE LAUGH.
The great American dessert -Pie.-Life
The Yankee idea of heaven-.Sew Wing.

lhc anhee iuea Oi HeaVen--NsW wing
land.
Motto for female chropo dist: "She
stoops TO corn cure. ."-Erchau9e.
Nothing goes against the grain worse thar
a reaping machine.-N. Y. Wortd.
Telephone transmitters should be pai.ted
"yeller. ."-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"John Bright, the alleged inventor of q
celebrated disease of the kidney" is the way
on Omaha paper alludes to the English
| statesman.
We are asked the question If water does
not sometimes intoxicate. 1t frequently
does. We have often seen barrels that were
water-tight.-Er.
| An Oshkosh maip has profile of her rec
reant lover cut out of gingerbread hanging
| on the wall of her bedroom. She considers
it just too sweet for anything.-Graphic.
| put on white satin dress and blew out her
brains. 1t ruined her dressmaker. as ladies
considered she was driven to the deed by the
badness of the it.-Bostom Post.
The last straw. Scene on an oc can steam
er: Steward--''You mustn't be sick on the
stairs, SIR" Suffering FrenchmaIs--"Sacre-
| oICu. |huu bhiAA JOu oiCh ou youI
damme stairs TO make myself pleasure?"--
Life.
Before cutting mans head off in China,
the authorities considerably lake him
drunk. The beauty of this system is that a
man can be intoxicated without hav ing head
on him the next morning. dorchester EI-
press.
EYES," said Mrs. Towser, as she expatiated
upon the beauties of her flower garden, 81
have given it great care, and If you come
over in week or two, expect to be able TO
show you some beautiful scarlet pneumo-
MAS. s."--!Somerritte Journal.
Teacher-"In the sentence, Mary loves
john what does John agree with?" Bright
scholar-"With Mary" Teacher-"With
| Mary? How do you make that out?" Bright
sch Jlar--" Cause Mary wouldn't love him
| if he didn't agree witd her."--Boston Tran
script.
At the wrong door: At the Terrace baths
last Sunday an impatient young man walked
up TO the door of one of the compartments
and, knocking on the door, testify inquired:
"When in blazes are you going to get those
trousers on?" There was faint g:ggle, and
a silvery voice replied: "When | get married,
| suppose" He had mistaken the door, that
is all.--S. +. Post.
Paternal pride: "Just think, my dear
friend, your unworthy son came to me yes
terday and offered me a reduction of five per
cent. if would take away my patronage
from you and give it TO him." "Gottswun-
der, my son Isaak has done that whom |
took to be an impractical fellow, and mean
while he is such a shrewd business man!
Oh, my gracious, how that peases mel
FliegeHde Bldtt5T.
A way out of dilemma: Countryman--
"By gosh, them suspenders air too short.
They pull my pants up so tight can't work
my legs. Haven't you got longer suspend
ers?" Nose Schaumberg--"M Mine fren, you
wash mlshdaken. Dose susbenders wash de
longest kind--imborted goods. You keeps
dose susbenders, und shoost you puys for
dree tollar und hallaf bair of bants vat
comes down more on der ground, und dot
will fit dose imborSed braces. "--TerGS Sift-
iRgS.
Merchant-"The article is frst-class,
madame, aud at S1.J0 yard is very cheap.
If we hadn't got four months time on tiff
we hadn't bought it on credit--.we couldn't
sell IL to you at that price If we had paid
cash, it would have cost you 81 a yard, !
madame" Mrs. Brown--"Yes, know IL |
must be cheaper to buy on time. My hus |
band always tells me to purchase all l can
get OIL credit. 1 think I'll take sixteen |
yards and you can Just charge it to Mr.. |
Brown."--Terds Siftings.
The London Spectator, speaking of those
highly cultured IN music, says: "In that
new capacity there must be, though not ele.
vation, potentiality of being elevated" So
the mystery is cleared away at last. The
man in the concert audience who rolls his
eyes, beats time, huns the music, noisily ap
plauds, and acts the donkey generally, is not
really drunk, but simply enjoying the poten-
tiality Of being elevated. If music affects
people that way, we 60 in for high tax on
it, Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.