The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-08-03

ought to be an excellent chance for
some of Americas patent medicine men.
MAY ! see you home, MatildaP"
asked a verdant of his lady-love at
prayer meeting, II guess so, Joshua;
but can't you see me here!'
"Will you accept my arm, miss?"
asked the aid-de-camp. $40 be sure,
was her reply, ''it's favorite staff Off
er, sir"
A woman who fell desperately in love
with a man on sight and married him,
refers to him as her lord and mashed
her.
To those who invest in real estate and
buy lots on long payments, it seems
yearly more plain that Mortgage is
Lots wife.
An exchange says it is now fashion
able to Introduce some element of the
antique into every dress. What! are
old maids becoming the rage?
sis that your dog, Mr. TriggP"
eyes, sir, that's my dog" us he
setter?" "He's of that type, yes sir"
"Oh! then he's type setter"
A debating society will tackle the
question: (Which is the most fun-to
see man try to thread needle or
woman try to drive a nail?'
When a woman talks so much that
her throat gets sore, she is always ready
to lay the blame on thin shoes and slop-
Ply streets.
Artificial eyes have been found among
Egyptian mummies. Artificial lies are
an old invention; but it is not polite to
say so. Mum is the word.
We often hear the expression that
''the fire had gone out" And it is said
that in some of our large places you can
actually see the fire escape.
81 get an inkling of your thought"
said the retreating book agent, and he
neatly lodged the flying bottle of writ
ing fluid as he made for the door.
"You said, Mr. Jones, your umbrella
had a straight handler" Il thought it
did, but since it vanished l am quite
certain it ended with hook"
NO" said New York belle who
had just returned from tour of Europe
and Egypt. mo, l didn't go to the
Red sea. Red, you know, doesn'tagree
with my complexion.
The girls have taken to making patch.
work quilts. Now it is to be hoped
that the piano will be shut, and that we
will have peace, as well rs pieces in the
house.
ELLA is better looking" remarked
Mrs. Brown, with smirk. ''but Lucy
will get married first" Yes" chimed
in her husband, gimme Luci-ter match
es every time"
He rang the door bell of q banker.
The servant tells him Monsieur does
not receive to day." THAT makes
nothing to me. Ny racket is to know
if he will give anything
I'm sorry to keep you waiting for
your money" said the bank teller to
Smithers. 'but here's the money all in
yellow BOYS" Never mind, said
Smithers, II see tbs worth the weight
in gold.
DR.. Holmes sketches the dude in his
latest poem:
Our last Matched dandy with his glass and
stick
Recalls the semblance of a newborn chick
TO match the model he is aiming at
He ought to wear an cggshel for hat.
1t frequently happens that what a
man saves in one way he loses in anoth-
er. For instance, Texas man jumped
from Il moving train the other day to
save miles walk to his house. He
hit his head against tree and lost his
brains -New orleans Ptcdyune.
A gentleman had his boots BACKED
by one of two boys, and gave the shin
er q 81 bill to get changed After wait
-, h,, Of
where's your partner?" ''Oh," said
the youth, with grin, 'he's bust up,
and I'm his assignee. Church Union.
The false weather prophet Virgins is
announced to lecture in Montreal on
"How Worlds are Made" If he cared
to speak on theme with which he is
familiar he would make his subject
"How Fools are Made" He has made
thousands of hem.-Butalo Express.
Albany boasts of 70-year-old bache-
lor who never used tea, coffee, cake, or
pie, and has never been in woman's
company since he cut loose from his in
fantile dresses. His life has been about
as monotonous rs that ola wooden In
dian in front of cigar storc-and he
has Just about Us much fun.
In modern Egypt young man is not
permitted to see his wife's face before
marriage. This is rather rough on the
young man, but it prevents the news
papers of Egypt from making Jokes
about the girl enticing him into an ice
cream saloon and banllrupting him in
the first confederation Herald.
The ''course of true love- traced by
letters in breach of promise suit in
New York ran in this manner: 'My
darling Benny" my own darling Ben
n.y." ''My own dearest darling" Your
loving Baby" "Your own loving Pet"
''My own darling Love-" my darling
Ben" "Friend Ben" And all was
over.
"Oh, dear! am tired out" exclaimed
Mrs. Shoppingham; ''you can't have
parcels sent to the depot now without
paying, you know, and in an economi-
cal fit I've been Juggling this all about
the CITY," And with sigh of relief she
Sc ,,f POI