Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1883-08-01
CRE4E DIES OIROEiQUEs.
What the Alleged Wits Of Pris Fiad to
Say IN Th3ir News papers.

Remark by Cardinal de Retz, which
! is as TRUE now as when it was uttered.
"a politician must often Change his
! opinions if lie wishes always to remain
in the same party"
A gentleman who has been thinking
Of buying a hack, having visited a mem
agerie, comes home radiant with JOY.
I'm going to buy one of them zebras."
he said. zone of those riiied horses.
They must carry much further than the
ordinary Sort
II thought remarked the victim, af-
ter the DENTS. had dragged him around
the room several times. Il thought you
advertised 10 extract teeth without
| painp" So | do, Sir replies the oper
ator. blandly. lit doesn't hurt me at all
TO yank en-
A father has been complaining to a
friend of the family Of the conduct Of
| his prodigal son. You ought to rec
son with him seriously" saws the friend
| of the family. 80 do. So have!'
Says the father in despair, ''but it has
no effect. TIE young scoundrel will lis
ten to nobody that isn't fool like HIM
self. / want you to 60 and talk with
| him."
A mothers pride. "What! Your
son is only a Sergeant" "Ycs. that is
his grade. but bride. and CONT
uentially-''in reality you know. he 's
Captain. but he doesn't puDlisa the
fact because he doesn't want to wound
tie feelings of his comrades who haven't
got on rs rapidly as he bas!'
IN, JoI;rhtr,,l E..,,,,h ,r, ll,,tr,, 1,f a. =,
oldrn time las not Vet flown from earth.
A beautiful rosebud OF q girl is walking
M tie drawinr-room lcan'ngon the arm
CT her father. Nv hat, n1ademoisclie.
SAYS a gentleman of the old scnQoI. do
you walk? Bless me, thought you
were on "A stem.
A lady of mature are is consulting
her lawyer about in,titnting proceed
ings for divorce. Il perceive saws
the lawyer. Lyon wish To obtain a sep
aration because of bis cruelty ..
woEldn' have minded so muca being
BEATEN sohs tie lady, iii he had beat
ell ne in an ordinary manner. but he
didn t. the sccundrel diin't sir, be used
&c thrash me with" ''Nith? Com
pose yourself. my dear madame
with my poor. dear, FIRST husband 6
cane:'
breakfast nj home. We'll. madame.
saws the head of the house. who has an
/ parently got out Of led on the wrong
side ..wlat nave YOU got for breakfast
this mornin@? Boiled eggs, eh? Seems
to me yua never have ANYTHING but
boiled eggs. Boiled Erchus. Add what
else, madame may | ask - Mutton
chops, my dear, sag the wife t::n;lly.
Mutton chops echoes the husband,
bursting into peal Of Sarttonic laugh
ter. Mutton chops. | could have
guessed it, jay the living j;ngo, ma
dame, if ever | eat another meal inside
! this house aud iamming on his hat
and slam'ning the door. the agarievei
| man bounds down TIC stairs and he
| takes himself To the restaurant.
"WEat'll you have, Sir SAYS the
waiter. politely, handing hin tie bill of
fare. All saws the guest, having
glanced over il, ''let me see. Bring me
two boiled cw--.s and Il mutton ehop!'
Tie parents have taken the Youngest
of their three ia"rhte"s To the theatre
l'"y lad their doubts a2ou; taking one
OF the elder ones, Tor IT," play was OF
the "nAturalistic" kind; but as for the
youpga,'. poor child, she would never
see an tang wrong in it. 4, one Of the
| most "r2LUra!istic' SCENES tie little
mail observes with all Imaginable
gravity. You we're quite right. ma. 1t
would never rave done 10 let the girls
see it. u .ihtjHcti ~ NE Y, !. UorhD