The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1883-05-01
THAT BAD BOY.
lie Perfumes His Parents BEFORE
Church Services

"What was the health officer doing
over to your house this morning 9" said
tn" grocery man to the bad boy, as the
youth was firing frozen potatoes at the
man who collects garbage in the alley.
80, they are searching for sewer gas,
and such things, and they have got
plumbers, and other sanitary experts. till
you can't rest and came away for fear
they would find the sewer gas and warm
my jacket.
"Sh-h-! Now, don't breath word
of it to living soul. or am dead bov.
on see, was over to the dairy fair at
the Exposition bnilding, on Saturday
night, and when they were breaking up,
me and my chum helped to carry boxes
Of cheese, and firkins of butter, and the
cheese man gave each of rs piece of
l.lmburgcr cheese, wrapped in tin foil
Sunday morning opened my piece, and
1t made me tired. Oh, it was the
awfullest smell ever heard of, except the
smell when they found a tramp who hung
himself in the woods, on the Whitefish
Bay road, and had been dead three weeks.
Ia and ma were Just getting ready to 90
to church, and Int off piece Of cheese
and put 1t in the inside pocket of pas
vest, and | put another in the lining of
Hn;:H mum, and vert down to church,
too, and sat on the back seat with nv
chum, looking as pious as though was
taking up collection. The church was
pretty warm, and by the time they got
up to sing the first hymn, pas cheese be-
gan to smell match against mas cheese.
Ia held one side of the hymn-book, and
ma held the other, and pa, when he sings,
sings for all that is out, and when he
braced himself and sang, 'Just As Am
ma thought pas voice was tinctrred with
bllousness, and she looked at him, and
hunched him, and told him to stop sing
ing, and breathe through his nose, cause
his breath was enough to stop clock
" Pa stopped singing and turned around
KIND OF cross toward ma, and then he
smelled mas cheese, and then he turned
his head the other way and said
'whew" " and they didn't sing any more,
but they looked at each other as though
they smelled fury. When they sat down
they sat as far apart as they could get,
and pa sat next to a woman who used to
be nurse in hospital; and when she
smelled pas cheese, she looked at him as
though he had the smallpox, and she
held her handkerchief to her nose. The
man in the other end of the pew that ma
sat near, he was stranger from Racine,
who belongs to our church, and he looked
at ma sort of queer, and when they got
up to sing again, the man took his hat
and went out, and when he came by me
he said something in whisper about
female G lue factory. Well, sir, before the
sermon was over everybody in that part
of the church had their handkerchefs to
their noses, and they looked at pa and ma
scandalous, and the two ushers they
came around in the pews looking for a
dog and when the minister got over his
sermon, and wiped the perspiration off his
face, he said he would like to have the
trustees of the church stay after the meet
ing, as there was business of Importance
to transact. He said the question of
proper ventilation and sewerage of the
church would be brought up, and that he
presumed the congregation had noticed
this morning that the church was unusu-
ally full of sewer gas He said he had
spoken of the matter before, and expected
it would be attended to before this. He
said he was meek and humble follower
of the Lamb, and was willing to cast his
lot wherever the Master decided, but he
would he blessed if he would preach any
longer in a church that smelled like a
bone boiling establishment lie said that
religion was good thing, but no person
could enjoy religion AS well in fat-ren-
dering establishment as he could in
flower garden; and as far as he was con-
cerned, he had got enough.
!" Every looked at everybody else,
but pa looked at ma as though he knew
where the sewer gas come from and ma
looked at pa real mad, and me and my
chum lit out, and | went home and dis
tributed my cheese all around. | put n
slice in mas bureau, down under her un-
derclothes, and piece in the spare room,
under the bed, and piece in the bath
room in the soap dish, and slice in the
album on the parlor table, and piece in
the library in book, and | went to the
diniug-room and put some under the table,
and dropped a piece under the range in
the kitchen. tell you the house was
loaded for bear Ma came home from church
first, and when asked where pa was she
said she hoped he had gone to walk
around a block to air himself. Pa came
home to dinner, and when he got smell
of the house he opened all the doors, and
ma put comfortable around her shout
ders and told pa he was disgrace to civ