News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-10-11

recovered from her amazement. Then
she tip-toed to the corner Of the house
to see if there were any eavesdroppers'
Coming back she walked up to the law
yer and dropped her voice to a whisper
and said:
''Say We've bin saving Sally these
last two years for the boss Of saw mill
! four miles up the creek, but if you are
struck on her and she is struck on you,
| I'll run the old man six miles through
the brush after a preacher to do the
splicing !"
The lawyer had to decline on the
grounds of having q wife in Detroit,
and the old woman felt Sc bad that the
husband had to rise at midnight and
make a mustard plaster. detroit Free
| Press.
A RARA AVIS.
eff it wasn't for us plumbers you re-
porters would go dry for your funny
items, " remarked plumber the other
day to the reporter who called to inquire
whether it would be cheaper to have a
hole in his penstock pipe soldered up,
or burn up the house, abandon the lot,
and move out into the country and dig
a well
eyes, you fellows are funny to every
body excepting your employers, but it's
a serious matter to them," retorted the
reporter.
"But the funniest ever said about a
plumber has never found its way into
print. A few years ago was down to
the Rouge on Sunday shooting, and
killed bird the likes of which I had
never seen before. 1t was a water fowl
but what a fowl it was 1t was all beak,
wings and legs, and principally beak. /
fetched it home, and the next morning
took it up to Professor Sill and asked
him what it was.
L" Goodness knows = exclaimed Sill,
Il never saw one before, but from the
length and size of its bill it must be
Plumber bird "-DctroH Free Press.
THEY WERE EMPTY.
There was a great crowd, as usual in
a London railway station from which a
train was about to depart; and all at
once a man, who had put his hand in his
pocket behind to take out
his pocket-book and pay his fare, ex-
claimed, his face glowing with excite
ment: GIVE been robbed ! There are
thieves about here Some villain has
taken my pocket from my pocket,
with over 91OO in it p'
"Where did you carry your pocket
book, sir ?" inquired by-stander.
SIN my underc coat pocket, behin7."
"Then, sir, you can scarcely blame
the individual who has taken it, replied
the other, in a very pOmpous, self-satis-
fed, patronizing manner, and in a voice
Of warming, intended for the ears of all
within hearing. Eyes, you offer, if 1
may say SO, temptation, a premium,
sir, upon theft, by carrying your money
in such a place. Now I always carry
7ly money here" he continued, putting
his hand into an inside breast pocket of
his coat, "and there it is always"
''Sate," he lCould have said but he
drew out his hand as if it had
been bitten by an adder, exclaiming,
''Why, m1y pocket-book is gone too
Thieves thieves thieves Let no one
go out of the station p
The advice was acted upon, and both
pocket books were found upon the floor,
where they had been dropped by the
adroit thief-but they were EN- PITY.
WONDERFUL TALE, WONDERFUL SPRING.
An Arkansas editor, who recently
visited Eureka Springs, I. T., wrote to
his newspaper that a hounds tail was
accidentally cut off near Harding Spring;
that the dog drank of the waters and
that a new tail grew; that meantime the
discovered cludaI aPpendage, having
been thrown into the spring, grew to the
log, and that then the dogs owner had
;wo dogs. But the veracious editor
Ioesn't add, eff you don't believe it
here's one of the dogs" The average
however, believes.
HIS PASS.
A country editor undertook to ride on
pass belonging to one of his subscrib-
RS who had an advertisement in his
PAPER. After examining it the conductor
ooked at it and the editor, and said
"This pass is crooked. "
"Guess not, said the editor, blandly.
"But say it is"
"Thats just where you are fooling
it's me that's crooked The
pass is all right enough. "-7eraS SJt-
ngS.
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