McCook weekly tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 188?-1886, 1883-10-11
A CLEFT STICK.

No, there was no doubt about it;
had drank great deal more than was
good for me, as my aching head and
parched mouth only too painfully
proved. 1t was not the lobster salad
Il scorned the deception; it was the
champagne. had always maintained
that picnics were mistake, and now /
was certain of it.
Do not misunderstood me when
say picnics are a mistake. Your real,
rural, half-impromptu picnic with a
few intimate friends in some pleasant
spot away from the busy humdrum of
everyday life is pleasant enough; but
what l inveigh against is that set feast
of luxuries, conveyed in perfectly ap-
pointed luncheon basket to some hack
neyed feasting-place by "pampered
menials," and in which the only variety
from everyday luncheon consists is
that it is eaten in an uncomfortable
position, instead of the orthodox COM
Portable one. And this had been the
case yesterday. Besides, the company
had not been to my taste. Imagine a
single man, or, indeed, any man, pic
nicking with three engaged couples.
Could the most contented of mortals
have been happy under such circum-
stancesp
True, there had been a few odd mid
dle-aged outsiders, but what of that?
All! what indeed? And as my mem
ory began to collect its scattered parti-
cles, / had more cause than ever to
curse that picnic.
We had been up the river, q party of
twelve-yes, that was it-and finding
that no Establishments on my part could
district the course of true love of any
one of the three engaged misses from
their faithful SWANS, I had cen been
obliged to fall back upon one of the
"odd'' members of the party. Urged
on my wild career by desperation and
frequent glasses of champagne, had
made violent love to maiden lady of
well of a certain age. She had been
too agreeable; that was her own fault.
What might not have committed my
self to in my efforts to drown ennui!
Who knows! Perhaps l had proposed
to her. Well, she had been very charm
ing, why not? Great heavens! she was
40 if she was day, and perhaps she
-bah!-perhaps she was ''made up"
At least, 1 remember she appeared to
possess certain amount of good looks,
but how was / to know that those dark
lashes were not the result of anthony,
than languishing glances bella donna;
that complexion, arsenic; those delicate
white hands, bismuthp And now, too,
/ remembered that had promised to
call on her. She lived at Kensington. >.
Happy thought; perhaps had mislaid
her address. jumped off my chair
with more alacrity than 1 had thought
possible, and rummaged in my pockets
for the card she had given me. She
said, with bewitching smile, that she
was quite sure 1 should forget the ad-
dress unless I had that card.
No such luck, there it was, only too
palpable to the naked eye. I sat down
again to the pretext of breakfast 1 had
been making during these reveries. An
unwelcome knock at the door, followed
by more unwelcome intruder, put an
abrupt end to them.
"Hello, Charlie, old man, exclaimed
my hated visitor, chow are you? Look
seedy; been up all night, or what?''
"0h, go to the DEUCE" 1 answered
testify.
'Thanks; You always were a hospita-
BILE kind of fellow, but I had hardly ex-
pected so warm reception as this?''
q should add that the spokesman
was my cousin, which may account,
perhaps, for the lack of ceremony be-
tween us)
''Well, 1 tell you what it is, Ralph, 1
am awfully down on my luck, and don It
want any of your chaff this morning."
sOh, if it's matter of flyer or so,
why didn't you say so before? You
know you may always count on me to
oblige you at a pinch"
''Bosh, my dear fellow, it's not that.
[ am little off color, that's all. Don't
you see
ssWhew-w, 1 think I do see now!
A woman in the case, of course. What
an awful duffer must have been not to
have seen it at frst!"
(How I hate the familiarity of rela-
tionshIp which seems to arrogate to
itself the right to pry into and expose
all ones personal affairs. Believe me,
relations are great mistake. felt at
This momSht that I would gladly have
the execution of one and all of
uine. There was the governor, dear
Did mamie always took a savage de-
light in telling me that should live to
make a fool of myself one day, and
here is generally half truth in what
hat old man observes; but the suspi-
zion that disagreeable home-truths are
rue does not make them any more pal
atable to the recipient of them, does itO
'Look here, Ralph" 1 said, 81 am
lot in the humor for humbug this morn