The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-03-10
WIT AND HUM0R.

10 Takes Great Many Wits and Humor-
lists tn be witty and Humorous for One
Daily Paper-from all the Funny sayings
OF all the Wits aud Humorists, We Give
Cuttings for the Benefit and Qualification
OF Our Readers.
PA, said little boy at the theatre the
other night, 81 wish | would hurry up
and get baidheaded.n why. son ?" "Bs-
cause then could always sit on S1" the front
row OF chairs '-IClnclnnati Saturday
Night.
"0tway, dramatic poet Of the first class,
persisted with hunger What became of
the third-class poets ia 0tway's day is not
stated. but they were probably fired from
mortar against stone WALL Norristown
Herald
Up TO the present time the ground hog is
the most succ essful weather prophet of the
year. The goose-bone ranks second and il
is MP and tuck between Virgins, Vennor
ana the mnskrat for third place Norris.
town Herald
An Irish haronet has just died, leaving
an estate with an income of $4,000 to a
daughter whose whereabouts are unknown.
IL Will be discovered in over hundred diff
ierent places within aweek, hough.-TSom-
erville Journal.
when man lies," says the Whitehall
Times, the devil laughs" What iolly
old devil 1t must be, TO be sure! Always on
the broad grin, never gum or sorrowful:
always laughing, and always sure of having
something to laugh at.
"Id have you to know, n,.exclaimed
Brown, that I've o mind of my own
I'm sure it does you much credit to
aoKhow,edge IT." remarked Fog. ut
would have been cruel to accuse anyone
else with being the owner of it."
A band of Indians from the far west re.
Gently VISITED New Haven, and when thew
heard the Yale boys yell they drew apart
anu went 70 think how they had been fool.
ihE themselves Tor years WIKI the idea that
'hey knew now to howl Boston Post.
Says New York paper: "The club Of
the future is yet to be built" When a
man ehuhclates proposition like that it
Is useless TO attempt to throw Giscredit
truth, have said that tomorrow did not
take place last week, or year after next il
still IN the future.
A man who took many chances ON arti.
Giles az fair and never won, Determined to
DC successful once in his life, so he bought
all The chances on watch and one over
lor luck. But he didn't draw it. 1t was
HraWh oy an unknown party, who broke
INTO me room the night before and carried
IL OH with a lot OF other plunder.-TNorris.
town Herald.
a boston philanthropist riding in q
horse'car the other day, saw that a poor
WorNlnE woman was about TO pay her fare
with SIX cents. He immediately handed
her iive-cent ticket, saying he might ms
wen nave the profit as the railroad com
pany." 1t is supposed he put the cent
winch he gained in the Missionary box
Philadelphia Press
How protection works: Ii has been
proved that unprotected workmen. such ma
Dlacksmiths, carpenters, ETC., are propor-
uohately paid much higher wages than
wnrkmen employed by protected industries,
PROTECTED" wotkmsil-"Why is ,hisY'
MNa.nulacturer-"My dear man, | put the
Dye see ?'-IPucA. 0'
General Butler took some friends ont
riolng one day last fall at his country seat
IN an old family carriage that looked as if
IL mad come out OF the ark. General" said
one of the party, wherever did Won ' ast
TINS trap ~ ut is my fathers, ;" said Butler.
and has been in the family fifty wears bnt
they say round here that / stole it at New
orleans."-tOil City Derrick.
When" asked tho SUPERINTENDENT fly
ing his eve on the teacher of the youne
LADIES' Bible class, when does man most
keenly and fully and conScientiously recog.
nize and realize his own utter nothine.
ness And the young man who led him.
sen TO the altar only two short weeks AGO.
bIushed painfully, aud said, with fau!ter.
ing voice, when he's being married. -
-lBurlington Hawkeye
ingers1ll says pur-hats and suspenders
are needed in the south before she will
make much Roadway, as no people who
wear SLOUGH hats and lettheir trowsers hang
ssloVen ~ on their hips can ever become civ,
lilAed: That's it. With the danger of
breaking his suspenders and having his
seven-dollar hat smashed, staring him in
the face, nan will be slow about going
into u tight.-[Boston Post.