Morning journal and courier., 1883-12-06
UNPROFITARLE.

It is understood that the Egyptian false prophet got his name from editing the poIiti- cal column of an American newspaper. delphia Chronicle Herald.
 It is said that Jay Gould is preparing his tomb, as death IS something he can neither bear or bull. It is our impression that he will have to bear it.-Texas Siftings.
 Adoring one in lavender kids and blue scarf: "Oh how I wish were that book you clasp so lovinglyi" She: "How I wish you were, so that could shut you up!"
 ':Are you going to the funeral this after noon Mrs. Flip?" asked one lady of another on Broadway. ''Well, yes, if my husband don't bring home matinee tickets" replied the latter.-The Judge
 Lady of the house (to cook )-''Maggie, I want you to be sure and baste the duck you are cooking" Cook-"Oh yes, nnim, I will And ye see, was jist afther comin' for & nadle and thrid to do it wid.' .''-The Judge.
 Jones asked his wife: "Why is husband like dough?" He expected she would give it up, and he was going to tell her that it was because woman needs him; but she said it was because he was hard to get of her hands. Boston Globe.
 Higgins never loses his gallantry. When he came home how-come-you SO the other night and Mrs. B. told him she was ashamed of him, Higgins replied: Better my wife (n1c) should De ashamed Of me (hic) than thatI should be ashamed of my wife"
 Partners in woe: ''Please, sir, give poor blind man nickel" said trampipg beggar to gentleman on Austin avenue. ''I3ut you are not blind," remarked the gentleman. ''No, but my partner is He is standing down there on the corner watching to see if the police are coming-''
 "So Perkyns has lost his eYesipht has he?" said Squire McGill at the store the other night. Yes, and he's so deaf he can't hear nuch." !'Wonder what he'll do for Twin now" ''Oh, he's going down to Connecticut and get job as a detective. ''- Marathon Independent.
 A man in Maine wants divorce because his wife went to mans funeral and after wards wore mourning for three months He should have divorce. Two months is long enough for any wife to wear mourning for another woman's husband when he is no re htion to her.-Norristonw Herald
 The girl from St. Louis read sThere is destiny that shapes our ends, rough-' and here she paused and explained: Rough! We'll, should say so. Rough is no name for it. It's just too mean for anythipg' and catching up a table cloth she threw it over her feet and burst into tears Texas Siftings.
 Americans are good listeners, says the New York World. Of course they are, and this habit of listening is encouraged by the fact that the dividing walls of houses are nova days built so thin that by putting your ear to the wall yoa can hear what the couple in the next house say whom they arc fighting with each other. Philadelphia Chronicle.
 ''What memorable event happened in 1865?' asked the professor. The student hes itated moment and then answered, elusive ly: Why, yes, of course, I was born in 1865" Professor-''The war of the Rebel lion ended in 1885," Student-"Fanny, ain't it? The war was ended and I was begun in the same year. That's what call singular coincidence ''-Boston Transcript