Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-05-11

1ramps are not afraid Of crossroads. II
Is the cross dogs along the roads that make:
them timid
There Is said to be a good deal of liquor
selling in clothing stores, in Maine. We
suppose the form OF demand isl would
like comforter for my neck"
When young Chicago poetess speaks Of
the beauty of our local legends" We can't
help wondering If she is trying to attract
attention to her feet.
When woman takes to the woods, it is
usually hardwood floors and finishing that
she takes to; and 1t makes man feel buer
than May day when the bills come in.
A rscecourse-ice cream at boarding
house.
Iowa is a great place for theatrical per-
formance'. An exchange tells of house
there that was literally carried by Storm
The wind blew it into the river.
A South Newbury woman who will be one
hundred years old next July, can rel cat
poetry, it is said, by the hour. Her intclloc-
tual faculties are evidently failing.
Lines to a trout fish lines.
Strange: a circular is always round,
and yet it has corners. This is cut by us.
What dull life hog leads Always the
same rootn' from day TO day.
"Pleasc tell inc what class would be most
benefited by civil service reform ?" lcorres.
pondent]. Servant girls who tend door
Letter from friend in Florida well,
suppose you have hal another degenerate
open Winter in Vermont ......' Open tc
objection, certainly.
When literary man rciircs from active
labor, can you say that he subs!sts on pen
shun?
Why is II spiritual medium like an usthct
&c house decorator . because he deals in an
tic furniture,
1t is said that "A man once dropped deaf
while listening 10 one of William ". Evarts
speeches. He was sentenced 10 death,
Nandcrbilt's cook gets 5000 year. Anl
now lots Of young men who had their choic,
between college education and learning IL,
culinary trade on a canal boat are biting lhci
idle fingers with envy. Alas, We never st,
our mistakes until it is to late to correct
them.
~ lint lpii f.rp mint IA al 40
mentary 10 the alphabet: An y.
An Ohio man on the very night he joinc,
a Good Templars' lodge, fell down the tempt
stairs..a broke his leg. He is being dill
gently lahore with all over again, but lik
Washington lrvns's renowned Woutcr vol
Twiler, he is plunged in "srea, doubt
How gently beams the moonlight on tn,
heal" sang young gentleman beneath tn
window as he supposed Of hi, far one. Til
sash was gently raised AMI something DC
scended upon the young mans head. II
didn't stop to see whether it was u beam or
boot jack, but for two lays he he'd to wta
his hat on the silc Of his head, and kec
away from the barber shop.
"Did you ever 80 to church two Sunday
running 2" asked a dca; con, severely, of
young man of the town. "No," was In
reply, "but did once, when the hGrse.she
caught fire.
1t is a strange pervers'iy of the Enslis
language, which causes lis to speak of tvs
young persons being 'deai in love-" whe
they are awfully alive to it.
The sun carries the day.
A man who was Smuggling house in I'll
suburbs started to come d1wna ladder ia,
foremost, when his feet slipped, and lie re
formed the descent stncca,o, as musiciG
would say After picking himself up N
feeling carcfully behini him, he iuforme
a passer-by that he was only going Il
rounds
MY face Is my fortune, sir - indignant
responded ileshly young lady, when Il
sutton delicately attempted to sound her tina
cial prospects. IL, is certainly u large OF
then" dryly responded the young man, rs
took his hat and cane to leave.
A new domestic paper has been starte
called the Cooks Friend 1t must he ed
ed by policeman.
A lover wants to know why il is IL
girls invariably cast down their eyes VIII
you take them in your lap. We ST
pose il is because they don't want 10
held.
Don't you think that clipping is h sche
of the DEVILS to ruin meas souls ?" d. !
= We dou't know, doctor. This Is an age
/. development,
When does water pipe: When it II
l through faucet, o,
; A conun drum-sticks in the aver,
mans head.
The man who compares the great doctIi
u of the future to tlcas, constantly cvading
!. grasp, will always be II skip-tick,
The heather Chinese do everything j
: the opposite from other people. a trav,
n has discovered that they even stay awak,
d church and go 10 sleep in the theatre. r
II atlphia Ne,cs. Anybody who has ever )
4 Chinese actor will not be surprised nj Il
v As to the church part-a newspaper II
IS has no data upon that subject.
An unsuccessful plOt--a garden plant
n too carly.
v A social hop-whcn two lovers sit 10
&C simultaneously on two tacks,
The sexton is an unhealthy iniividt
He always slands with both feet in
grave.
Describe the three stag OF man '
perishes by drink Temperance c,icchis
/. Sling, .. Slang. B. Sluug.