The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1883-08-16
TALES OF WAR TIMES.

TALES OF WAR TIMES.
Why Federal Colonel Wasn't Shot
Out of Confederate CannOn-A
Man Who Ate 342 Pies.
louisville Commercial
Three noble heroes of the late war
met night before last, and held little
reunion all by themselves. The three
noble heroes were Maj. Ed. Hughes,
Col. Richard Watts and Cap. Eli
Marks. Many were the thrilling
stories told of individual adventures
with the enemy during the mighty
conflict. Col. Watts led off with a
blood-curdling tale of his narrow es-
cape from horrible fate.
ut was just before the battle of
Shiloh" said the colonel, when l was
engaged carrying dispatches from our
division to another located about 100
miles south of us. Every precaution
had been taken to head off all COM
munication, and the greatest care had
to be exercised in keeping dispatches
and the like Secreted, so that in case
OF the carrier being captured nothing
OF tell-tale nature could be found
upon him. When 1entered the scout
ing service l had four of my front
teeth knocked out and had item re-
placed by false ones. These were hol-
lowed out behind and admitted a
goodsized message being secreted
therein.
On the trip that started out to
tell about l had my dispatch secreted
as usual, and was riding along very
peacefully in the disguise of a farmer
going to the mill, when L was sud-
denly surprised by the enemy. l pre-
tended to be very much enraged at
them making me their prisoner, but
there was no getting out of it, for
they had kinder dropped on me. They
proceed ed to search me and compelled
me to take of every stitch of clothing.
These they ripped up into ribbons,
but of course they found nothing, and
l was beginning to feel safe, When,
standing before them there perfectly
nude, one of the fellows stepped up to
me and. slapping me on the back,
said 'Ain't he fat? He'd make
good beefY The slap was so vigor-
Gus and unexpected that out popped
my false teeth. That settled it. The
jig was up, and l began contemplating
my fate. Seventeen men jumped for
those false teeth at the same time,
and it did not take long for them to
find the dispatch, which read: Send
us 100000 men at once So you were
on your way for reinforcements, were
your said big, red-nosed captain,
sneeringly. We'll, We'll just help you
along on your journey. Bring up
that mortar ? Great God, thought |,
they certainly do not intend to blow
me to pieces. The mortar was brought
up and planted, and pointed in the di.
rection in which had been travelling.
'DouDle-charge her, and stick this
fellow in head first said the captain.
They double-charged her and then
forced me in head first. Vivid recol-
lections of everything mean that ]
had ever done in my life fitted across
my mind, and, boys, L actually PRAYED
But while l prayed felt them ram
ming the charge home; END l con-
l-cfudeu that my prayers were of NO
avail.
II smelled the powder right in front
of me, and happy thought struck
me. Something told me to eat the
powder, and began on it. AT every
jam of the ramrod l swallowed an
extra-sized mouthful, and when the
ramming ceased | could see daylight
through the touch-hole. A fuse was
inserted and touched off, and no
doubt the fiends retreated to a safe
distance to watch my flight into Ala
bama. heard the fuse Sizing as the
fire drew nearer me, but L felt safe
for not a grain of powder had L left
| lying around loose. The fuse went
out with sudden squirt, and l felt
that my life had been saved. The
would-be murderers couldn't under
stand why the gun missed fire, and
they began drawing the charges to
see what allied her. Just about the
time they got me out lot of our cav
airy charged upon them, and | was
petre and sulphur to this day."
"Why, there's nothing so very re
markable about that story," said Capt.
Marks, at simply illustrates the
GOODNESS and presence of mind of our
worthy comrade."
eyes, but the id a of a man eating a
keg or two of powder all at one meal.
remarked Major Hughes.
"Why, that's nothing" retorted
Marks. 81 saw a man eat up a whole
baker shop one day, I'll tell you how
it was. We were camping up in the
mountains, when one day pie and
cake peddler made his appearance
with whole wagon load of pastry
Stories had been circulated that these
peddlers were in the habit of poison.
ing their pies, thus making the men
who ate them sick and unfit for ser.
vice. There was an officer in ouI
command who had been laying for
one of those pie peddlers, and no
sooner did the poor fellow strike the
camp than he was surrounded by q
squad of infantry and in less than nc
time about twenty cooked muskets
were pointed at his head. you've
got to eat everything you've got in
that wagon YOURSELF commanded
the officer. Refuse, if you desire
and twenty minnie balls at close
range will be your fate The ped.
dler turned pale, but he saw deter.
mination in the eye of the officer and
he commenced his feast. [ kept
tally on fence rail with a piece Of
dry clay, and l hope that Leonatus
won't win the omnibus stake at Long