Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-12-23

and pagentry. I will hire brass
band and q ten acre field, knock down
the bars, let everybody in, and talk 10
the county, That is the substance OF
my speech on that occasion"
"Was the audience pleased?"
AYES, about as much as j was. II was
a stand of. They got nothing. Neither
did l."
II understood you to say that your
Finances were Limited.
If so how did you work it to get out?"
"Ah, see" said Kemple, "you fel-
lows are all itching to go out featuring,
and you want few pointers on walk
| ing and tough Shedding. Well, paid
rs far Us i could anu then found one
gentleman in the town who caShed
| check on one OF our banks, and when
the check arrived the money WAS there
to meet it. That's ALL"
ANY other experiences, Colonel?p
Not of that kind. As q general
thing have had good audiences this
st asOn and made some money. But
you would be surprised at the differ
ence in ommunities-in some their
manners, aud in others the entire want
ctthem; the hospitality and courtesy
of some, and the mate meanness OF
others; the welcome way in which
some towns greet you, and the indit-
ferent way in which others do it. l
have gotten used to it now, and don't
mind it much. Leetrring is now q
matter of business with me, and there
is no bushes S. in which you can
Always Expect smooth sailing.
But TO Illustrate: / have an engage.
meGt TO lecture, aid have been
thoroughly advertised. L reach the
objective point in the forenoon by train.
get Oft, and there are a number Of
young fellows on the platform. look
around a minute, aud then on Of the
boys comes up 10 me and says:
"'Are you Mr.. tOr Colonel hemple,
the Il cturer%
"'Ies sir; that is my present oecu
patton
"'Well, now, am real glad to meet
you. Col. Kemple, this is Mr.. Brown
and Nr. Thompson
This is kept up until / am intro
duced to about dozen young fellows.
Then one Of them takes my grip sack,
another my OveTcOat (if it is warm, and
We start in a procession for the hotel.
They are enthusiastic. They are stu.
dents at the Academy or College,
Colonel, you lecture in our hall to-
night. 1t is good place to speak. Iou
are going to have rafting good audi
ency. Everybody is going. We have
worked up boom for you. There will
be number of people i'll from the
country. We boys Will all be there
with girls. Don't give the gang away,
but We want you to give old Prof. -,
the PRESIDENT and the "fac."
A Little Racket
Get the laugh on them in some way,
you Know
by this time we are at the hotel. l
am introduced to the proprietor. Then
one OF the boys, who seems to have
some authority, says:
"'COlonel kemple is friend Of ours.
Nelectuyes for US TO night, and we want
YOU TO give him good room and see
tia. he wants for nothing in this tav-
ern.'
- An right says the proprietor, 'Pll
look after him
"Then he the landlord addresses
me:
Colonel, have had fire built and
the room is ready for you. | suppose
you want to brush up = little before go
ing 10 dinner"
"'Yes, sir
Here, Charley, take The ColonelS
baggage up to No. a.
~ follow, md some of the College
boys go with me, and while L am
primping for exhibition in the dining
room tel them a story. They laugh,
and tell me of the daisy girls of the
town, the pretty young widows, the
fascinating grass widow, who
Got Bad Hand On iac First Deal:
she thought she had drawn a king, but
the fellow was only q niue-spot when
she found him out, so she discarded
him aud is still in the game with her
ante up trying to draw to diamond
husband the girl who won't notice
the town boys, but tryS to catch on to
all the strangers who come to town;
and the girl who is h9m lsilX ,sfi9aPRg,at8
they general y agree to introduce me TO
her and are confident OF mutual
NASH In about half an hour L usual
IL gct the social, religious and business
history of the town. The bell now rings
and we 90 down to dinner. L am in
PRODUCED to the landlords family and
everybody else. There is not much
style about the dinner, 1t Is plain and
substantial, no formalities-au help
themselves, talk, laugh and eat. After
dinner am escorted around and gener-
ally introduced and made to feel at
home. In the evening two or three OF
the "Fac,n as the boys call them, come
to the hotel, go with me to the hall. L
am introduced by the President OF the
institution. And for an hour and u
half there Is
Lofts of Fun
for both speaker and audience, anu
when step down from the platform
every body wants to shake hands with
me. am introduced again to the
crowd, singly and collectively.
Il 60 to the hotel with bag fall OF
silver aud ss happy as baby with
tin rsitle. The boys take their girls
rome, then drCp in and stay with me
till he'd time, GO 10 the tram Win me
rext morning and warmly press me 10
come again. Now that kind OF treat
ment makes q fellow feel that Ii Is
worth living.
Igo to my next engagement. Tfere IS
no one on the platform to greet me.
inquire of the station agent for the
Eoiel; il is half mile away. Loaded with
overcoats and grip l climb steep hill
through the mud till | strike broken
board walk.
ultimately the old barn ofa hotel is
reached. go into what is called the
office" There are no signs of life, l drop
my traps and proceed to look for some
thing or somebody. Following the scent
of cooking victuals find the kitchen,
and there woman who tells me the
old man is up to Jarveses' store for
coffee and pstatoes. Gist wait in the
office, he will be back shortly short
w. he arrives. We gaze at each other.
There is no Reorganization or word OF well
come. l tell him who | am. oh, yes;
| seed some bills up and heard 'em
talk of a lecture, but paid no 'tention to
il. These Jack-o' lantern chaps is sluss
cummen around here, but don't keep
'em unless they are recommended, and
he looks at me again. Then read
him a letter of endorsement and recon-
mendation from the Rev. Robert q:
Ingersoll, and he seems satisfied that
am