Milford chronicle., 1883-08-17

one idea between them-sat on the back
piazza in the shadow of the moonlight
about II O'Clock at night, when the
mother of the girl put out the milk can
previous to retiring for the night.
Softly breaking the silence the good
woman spoke:
''When the milkman comes in the
morning don't you two drink up all the
milk leave a little for breakfast. -
LosOeu Citizen
WHAT HE MISSED.
'Boy," said an excursionist to boot
black at the post Office yesterday, "are
there any sights worth seeing near
here ?"
''Not this afternoon, as I kin think
on, was the reply, "but you missed an
awful big thing this forenoon"
''What was that p
"Woman passed a bogus quarter on a
man up here. Man passed a green
watermelon on the woman. Both found
it out about the same time, and it was
huff to make your blood run cold. She
called him a gentleman, and he called
her lady, and she bursted the green
melon on the floor, and he flung the
bogus quarter at a dog, and a horse he
run away, and two boys had fight, and
the woman cried, and it was the awful
est time we ever saw. Next time you
are coming on 'scursion you'd better
telegraph me and see is there anything
big going on. "--DetroH Free Press.
WOULD BURST INTO SOMETHING.
Theatrical troupe in town, amt
there?" inquired Bud Kaufman of an
Austin drug dealer.
eyes, heard so this afternoon" was
the reply.
care they going to burst into the
burning eloquence of the immortal
bard?"
"I don'tkn about that, replied the
drug dealer. 81 heard the landlord of
hotel where they were stopping say that
ne thought they would burst into some
hing before they managed to pay bills
md get their baggage away. ."-Tecas
S[tti1gs.
THE wATERAIELLYON.
A communication from Josepheus
an honorary member of the
lime-Kiln Club residing in Washington.
made inquiries if Brother Gardner had
recipe for telling a ripe watermelon
rom a green one. If so, the Commits
ioner Of Agriculture wanted it at once
nd would send the club enough seed
D raise five acres Of Canadian thistles.
eyes, I reckon has a recipe dat
ebber fails" replied the old man.
When feels de needof a watermellyon
1nic goes down to de market an looks
round. In de fust place, pick for
iellyon dat am well built an well rooted
yer. Let yer mellyon be all body an
D legs. Put it on de foo an press
I it. Listen for a cracklin' noise.
en- thump on it an listen for an echo.
en- roll it along an see if it seems
lunky. Den AK de man if he am suah
am ripe. Den thump it some mo.
en- remark you won't take it unless it
n plugged. If de plug shows up red
7 juicy an sort O. angelic, take de
ellyon home. Dere am three chances
Ter five dat it amt half ripe, but you
n take revenge by dividin' wild your
ybur if it am green. ''-DetrOH Free
reSS.
THE PARAsoL.
Before Marriage: - Excuse me.
Gorge. Did my parasol hurt you ?"
ooh, no, my dear. 1t would be a
easure if it did"
After Marriage: - "Great heavensl
lere was never a woman under the sun
at knew how to carry a parasol with
t scratching fellows eyes out"
''And there never was a man who
ew enough to walk on the right side
a woman with parasol.
'There isn't any right side to a
man with parasol."
SMALL THINGS.
Nothing is ever lost by taking pains
small things. The butcher who rolls
your purchase into great clumsy
ndle you never can respect; but your
'rt yearns toward him who SAYS.
ou would like to have me trim this.