News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-09-06
.STRABISMUS AND JUSTICE.
THE MAN WITH THE PECULIAR
ORBS,
Fails into the Hands of Drunken Ply
stefan who SpOiIs his ST=ht-IIOw hc Got
square.

Once in st. Paul, Mimi. met a man
with eyes Of cadet blue and terra Gotta
nose. His eyes were not only peculiar
in shape, hut while one seemed to con-
stantly probe the future, the other was
apparently ransacking the dreamy past.
While one rambled among the glorious
possibilities Of the remote vet golden
ultimately. the other sought the sOmber
depths of the previously.
He told me that wears ago he had a
mild case of StrahismUs and both eyes
seemed to glare down his nose till he got
restless and had them operated on.
Those were the days when they used to
fastcn crochet hook under the internal
rectus muscle and cut it n little with a
pair Of optical sheep shears. The effect
of this course was to allow the eve to
drift lack to a direct line. but this man
fell into the hands of a drunken surgeon
who cut the muscle too much and there
by weakened it 50 that it gradually
swung past the point it ought to have
stopped at, and he saw with horror that
his eye was going to turn out and pro-
trude as it were so that man could
hang his hat on it. The other followed
suit and the two orhs that had for years
looked along the bridge of the terra Gotta
nose, gradually separated, and while one
looked toward next Christmas with
fond anticipations. the other loved TO
linger over the rcmembrances Of last
fall.
This thing continued till he had to
peer into the future with his off eye
closed aud vice versa.
1t is needless to say that he hunGered
for the blood of that physician and sur
econ. He tried to lay violent hands on
him and wipe up the ground with him
and wear him ont across a telegraph
pole But the authorities always pre-
vented the administration of swift and
awful Justice.
Time passed on till one night the alb
normally wuli-eyed man Iooseued board
in the side walk up town SO that the
physician and surgeon caught his foot III
it and caused an oblique fracture of the
scapula, pied his dura mater, busted
his coruucopia and wrecked his sarah
bellum.
Perhaps I an in error as to some of
these medical terms and their orthog-
raphy, but that IS about the way the
man with the divergent orbs told it
to me.
The physician and surgeon was quite
a ruin. He had to wear clapboards on
himself for months, and there We're
other doctors, and Iaudable pus, and
threatened gangreuc and doctors bills
with the cemetery looming up i'll the
near future. Day after day he took his
own anti-febriIe drinks and rammed his
busted system full Of IRON and strychnine
and beef tea and Dovcr's powders and
hypodermic squirt till he wished he
could die, but death would not come.
He paved the air and howIed They
fed him his own nuX yomica, tInctWe of
rhubarb and phosphates and Cruel, and
brought him back TO life with Il crooked
collar bone. q shattered shoulder blade
and look OF woe.
Then he sued the town for $50, 600
damages because the sidewalk was inn
perfect. and the wiId-eycd man with the
indmai uo7e got on the jury.
I wiIlnot explain how it was done, but
there was verdict fur defendant with
costs on the Esculapian wreck The
man with the crooked vision is not hand
some, but he is very happy. He SAYS
the mills of The gods grind slowly,
Int they pulycrize middIiug line.-BIbL
EYE.