The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1883-01-28
nIOIJIy SMILES.


An early setllcr-a cocktail before break
fast.
The dead beat, poor ia the goods Of this
world, Is generally rich IN tally.
Whom the shoemaker opened boil with
his awl hc remarked TO hiI wife, ANS we'll
that ends swell.
A soft answer may turn away wrath but
1t ~ far saicr to trust TO tho legs in case the
other party IL real mad.
The Cincinnati Gazette hes department
headed "What is Going ON In Society"
Perhaps II Is paint aud powder.
Asking man TO lend you dollar or two
and boug waived oil, IN ono OF the coolest
valves that We know anything about,
Scalskin is so much in demand this year
that Old ladies' can have no reasonable
doubt 10 to what became of their eats.
We met an Engllgh oard'Bharp not long
ago, who confessed that several times h. had
come within an ace OF tra ducce-iDg the
queen.
The young man who saya yes" with
an interrogation Is to be married TO the
young woman who sAya me with an eA-
cl0matiOn.
| Virginia mediums claim q ut they can
call mp u spirit that slapS the mouths OF
spectators. one vi these tine evenings that
spirit Is golag to slap the wrong man
| Mrs. Lofty, said tho teacher, your son
has contracted some very bad habits. "
"Hlad TO hear you say 80, was the answor
his bad habits certainly needed contract
iug.n
| There To no great loss without some small
gain. Tom Thumb lost all his diamonds ia
the burning hotel at Milwaukee, which viii
be advertising capital enough lor the rest OF
the season.
Butcher: "For dinner Yes, manm.
Nice quarter OF a lamb ma'am % Mira.
Turtle Dove "a bride OF two weeks "Oh,
but there are only two OF Va Don't you
think IN eighth would do us we'll !"
You can stick pin in here, exclaimed
u Michigan country school teacher, NJ hp
olucdntrd mathematical pr 'uciplc of un.
varying verify, and when he cgmV to stt
down again the pin was there.
"rhc rendloton civil service bill has
passed, remarked Ait, Wgplcsworth FROM
the interior OF his papOr "N'ell, Pm glad
of that, said his wife, "And now hopeuur
hired girl will have little more manners. p
A Brooklyn landlady recently dropped
her false teeth Into one ut her hOardcrs cur
oi collce, lie immediately made her Il
present OF the coffee, and generously told
hor she needn't give him credit Tor II on hi,
bill,
A Pennsylvania paper dovotes hplf II col
umn OF space to showing how an edeinp
may be worked on u red flannel SHIRT All
tho editors down thoro have Theirs edged In
order 10 show oil II the house takes fire n,
night,
VI dunno u heap bout poultry" said old
Uncle Pete, when they wero discussing III,
question OF the day up NJ the market, "bul
DC sweetest chicken Use ever eat Wa,
drawn, II was druwu iro' DO winder ob 4
chicken house in do dark OBJ do moon"
Miss Jennie Flood, of tho Pacific coast
bass 10000 In four pcr cents II isa lie
tic strange that some Pacific coast youth
has not yet learned that there is tide ~
The affairs OF men, which, taken ut Ia,
Flood, leads ON to iortuneh
no You believe that woman, nova
days, would die for the object of her loyer
asked u bachelor friend. IL don't know
whether she'd die or not answered III,
benedict, but I've known her To 10 wills
when the trimming didn't suit her."
A number of prominent citizens OF New
York have formed an association "for III,
preservation &C Niagara Falls" Their
principal method OF preserving the glorou,
, old cataract will probably be To drink as lit
tlc water az possible,
! poem entitled Tho Death OF Oliver
Ctomwelp' is going the rounds OF the press
divers many friends in this town wilt h,
palned to hear of his death, and their gric
VIII be intensified when We tell them thai
tho poem Is nearly half u column long,
The very meanest boy in existence saw .
man In the act OF slipping down and yelled
To him, There's an egg in vour hip
pocket" Tho slipping man didn't hav,
: Time to reflect that the statement was moi
, true hui, the frantic Efforts he made TO saw,
himtolt were terrible towiluoss.
There is no doubt that singers anJ
actresses do lose their diamonds quito a,
OMEN rs they claim TO, hut where every cit,
has q dollar store, and every dollar s,cr,
Keeps stage diamonds, IL hardly seem,
worth while TO make such fuss over IN,
robbery. Perhaps, though, Il Is the princi
pie OF the thing,