, 1883-09-01

got number fourteen collar. Pa
wears seventeen. Pa had promised
to brace up and go to church Sunday
morning, and ma put these small
clothes where pa could put them on.
told ma, when pa woke up, to tell
him he looked awfully bloated, and
excite his curiosity, and then send
for me-"
"YOu didn't play such a trick as
that on poor old man, did you ?''
said the grocery man, as a smile came
over his face.
"YOu bet. Desperate diseases re,
quire desperate remedies. Well, me
told pa he looked awfully bloated
and that his dissipation was killing
him, as well as all the rest of the
family. Pa said he guessed he wasn't
blOatcd very much, but he got up
and put on his spectacles, and looked
at himself in the glass. You'd died
to see him look. His face looked as
large as two faces through the glasses,
and his nose was a sight. Pa looked
scared, and then he held up his hand
and looked at that. His handl looked
like ham. Just then came in, and
l turned pale, with some chalk on
my face, and began TO cry, and
said: %, pa, what ails you? You
are swclled up 50, l hardly knew
yOu.' Pa he looked sick to his stom-
aCh, and then he tried to get on the
pants. o, my! it was all that could
do to keep from laughing, to see him
pull them pants ono He could just
get his legs in, and when l got a
shoe-horn and gave it to him, he was
mad. He said it was a mean boy
that would give his pa shoe-horn
| to put on pants with. The pants
didn't come around pa into ten
inches, and pa said he must have
eaten something that disagreed with
him, and he laid it to watermelon.
Ma stuffed her handkerchief in her
mouth to keep from lafIing when she
see pa look at hisself. The legs of
the pants were 50 tight that pa
couldn't hardly breathe, and he
turned pale, and said: 'Hennery,
your pa is a mighty sick man. and
then ma and me we both laughed,
and he said we wanted him to die,
50 we could spend his life insurance
in riotOus living. But when pa put
on that condensed shirt, ma laid
down on the lounge and fairly yelled,
and laughed till my sides ached.
Pa got it over his head, and got his
hands in the sleeves, and then could
MT get it either way, and he couldn't
see us laugh, but could hear US, and
he said: It's darn funny, amt it i?
to have a parent swelled up this way.
ifI bust you will both be sorry Well,
ma took hold Of one side of TIE shirt
and l took hold of the other, and we
pulled it on, and when pas head
came up through the collar his face
was fairly blue. Ma told him she
was afraid he would have a stroke OF
apoplcXy before he got his clothes on
and guess pa thought so too. He
tried to get his collar on, but it
wouldn't 60 halfway around his
neck, and he looked in the glass and
cried, he look so. He sat down and
painted, he was so out Of breath, and
the shirt and pants ripped, and ia
said there was no use living if he
was going to be a rival to the fat wo-
man in a side-shOw. Just then Iput
the plug-hat on pas head, and it was
50 small it was going to roll off when
pa tried to fit it on his head, and
. then pa he took t'Off and looked
inside of it to see if it was his hat,
and when he found his name in it he
said: Take it away. My head is all
wrong, too" Thr he told me to go
for the doctor mighty quick. l got
the doctor, and | told him what we
were trying to do with pa, and he
said we would finish the job. SO the
doc came in, and pa was on the
lounge, and when the doc saw him
he said 1t was lucky he was called
/ iust'as he was, or we would have
| called an undertaken. He put some
pounded ice on pas head the first
| thing, ordered the shirt cut open and
we got the pants off. Then he gave
pa an emetic, and had his feet soaked,
and pa said Doc, il you will bring
me out of this, | will never drink
another drop The doc told pa that
his life was not worth a button il he
ever drank again, and left about
half pint Of sugar pills to be fired
into pa every five minutes. Ma and
me sat up with pa all day Sunday,
and Monday morning | changed the
| spectaCles, and took the clothes home,
and along about noon pa said he felt
as though he could get up. Well,
YOU never see a tickleder man than
he was when he found the swelling
had gone down 50 he could get his
shirt and pants on, and he says that
doctor is the best in this town. Ma
says am n smart boy, and pa has
taken the pledge, and we are all
right. Say, you don't think there is
anything wrong in a boy playing it
on his pa once, In a while, do you ?"
Not much you have, very like
lv, saved your pas life. No, sir,
Joking is all right when by 81 doing
you can break a person Of a bad hab-
it, and the grOceryman cut a chew
Of tobacco of a piece Of plug that was
on the counter, that the bny had
soaked in kerosene, and before he
had fairly got it rolled in his cheek
he spit it out and began to gag, and
as the boy started leisurely for the
door, the grOceryman said, "LOOk
here, condemn you, don't you ever
tamper with my tobacco again, OF,
by thunder, I'll maui you," and he
followed the boy to the door, splitting
cotton all the way, and as the hoy
went around the corner the grocery
man thought how different a Joke
gnpmad whom n WAS on soFnni,nflNs