The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-08-17
HUMOR.
A HOUSEHOLD pet-A carpet.

The man who offers you counterfeit
coppers shows bad cents.
TIE Brooklyn bridge caused q good
deal of @wire-pulling" In New York.
THE leather dealer does not insist
upon harmony OF opinion among his
customers. He likes to have them
take sides.
~GoD vas gif mans coubles eyes.
says Carl Pretzel, @und one tongue, on
ackound He wants you to look couple
Of times out before you speaks once"
as THAT dog mad?" he asked the
boy as the animal dashed by. II
reckon he isl" replied the boy; II just
see butcher take q piece O. meat away
from him and kick him six feet into the
air. Wouldn't you be mad if that was
done to ?"-Boston Post.
The high-school girl explained to
her particular friend that He kicked
the bucket" was slang, and that the
polite expression was He propelled his
pedal extremeties with violence against
O familiar utensil used for the transpor-
tation of water and other fluids. OH
City Derrick.
FROM the French Young B. carried
piece to Gondinet, and asked him to
note with cross the scenes that ap-
peared to him to be defective Some
DAYS afterward Gondinet returned the
manuscript. Not single cross, dear
masterl" mo; your comedy would
look like cemetery"
DID you see that big meteoric dis
play last night?" asked Gus De Smith
of Gilhooly. when did it come OFF,
About 8 o'clock. Didn't you see it ?"
mo, of course / didn't. 1 live out in
the suburbs, and never get chance to
see anything that is going on after dark
in the business portion of the city,
Teras SJtings.
A MILWAUKEE lawyer has been dis
barred because, in order to induce
man to became his client. he made
ridiculous promise to secure q big YER
diet of damages, when in fact he knew
there was no possibility Of recovering o
dollar. Should this become epidemic
what are we to do for lawyers to Inv
for us?-Chicdgo Cheek.
CHARLIE is O brave fellow" re-
marked Brown. Sew men would care
to go about at night as he does, IN
armed. / should think that he would
be afraid that somebody would take his
life" "Nonsensel' exclaimed Fogg;
robbers never take anything that is
utterly worthless. They might take
his money, but his life. never"
THE latest anecdote about the old
lady who thinks that she knows every
thing" is about how she went to
church sociable, and as she entered the
room the young ladies said: Good
evening, auutie, we are glad you came;
we are going to have tableaux this
evening" Eyes, know, know" was
the reply; II smelt 'em when / first
came In.
ONCE, when Judge Story was called
upon to defend a woman accused of
numbering her husband, he sdduced as
one Of the proofs of her innocence the
fact of her having attended him on his
death-bed, and said to him, when he
was dying: "Good-by, George" The
counsel for the plaintiff declared this
ought rather to be taken as proof Of
her guilt, and that the words she had
used were: Good, by George"
JONES AND GRACE.
witch,
A switch,
And gay deceiver:
DASH
A crash
o, why did he leave her2
groan,
moan,
And an EXPLANATIONS;
Once more,
Fresh gore,
With reiteration.
She cries,
He flies,
For she's getting balky,
Good-by.
Dude fly.
Sinner from Milwaukee.
-Neto York Morning Journal
He wanted to be humorist He
went out into the woods to draw in
SEPARATION from nature, was gone two
days; at the end of the second day,
feeling as if the divine afilatus had des-
cended and crowned him king OF hu-
morists, he came back and perpetrated
q Joke on his mother-in-law Her son
was so well pleased with it that he
kicked him all over town, and then tele-
scoped him. He now feels as if, In a
well-stuffed reclining chair, he might
be umpire for prize-tight. Cart Pref
GERS Weekly.
NOT long ago, as an elderly couple
were out walking, lady on the oppo-
site side of the street tripped and fell
down. The old gentleman rushed
across the street, raised his hat and
offered to assist her in any possible way.
His wife followed him across at slow
pace, and witnessing his devotion to
the stranger, she got mad, and shook
her fist at him. Its all right-it's all
right" he whispered. Eyes, 1 know it
is, she holly exclaimed; "here an I'M
known woman hurts her toe, and you
pillow across the street to eat her up
with kindness. The other day when I
fell downstairs You stood, and laughed,
and chuckled, and tickled your ribs,
and wanted to know if was practicing
for circus"
Education I'm Texas.
Texas is better provided for the fur
thering OF education than most of the
other Southern States, and the State
has ever been most generous in that