New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-21
WIT AND HUMoR.

exchange. Nor. Herald.
A Newark, Ohio, editor is known to
wear No. 124 boots. Is thisa journal
istic feat?
All men a~e not cranks who write
original poetry. As much cannot be
said Of those who read it.
What is the difference between an old
tramp and a feather bed? There is
material difference. One is hard up
and the other is soft down.
AS harmless initiation into the use
Of firearms, pretty girls might practice
shooting chances through double barrel
ed opera glasses. = The Judge.
The mother Of Josh Billings is 80 years
old. She evidently resolved to live until
her son learns how to SPELL Norris
town Herald.
Some genius has invented a machine
to play pianos. This will give Ameri-
can girls chance to help mother hang
out the clothes Monday afternoon.
A Russian claiming to be a nobleman
has been arrested in Boston for getting
money under false pretenses. Although
speaking seven languages, he was I'M
able to tell the truth in any one Of them.
They found a crazy man in the State
House gallery, the other day, and the
attendant respectfully said: You've
made a mistake, sir. Your place is
down stairs. '--Bosto,e Post.
Mr.. Adam sued an Oswego paper for
libel, asking for $4,000 and gets SIS.
This is q terrible slur on the paper, as it
would indicate that when it went in to
lie about a man it could only damage
him S. worth.
The great disadvantage of the coun-
try editors doing his own errands and
sweeping out is that it gives his rival
the chance to slur the first mentioned
mans paper by saying it is edited by
the Office boy.--Bosto's Post.
A fashion item says that the favorite
color of undressed kids for street wear
is dark tan. The fashion originated in
Africa, where all the undressed kids
seen in the streets are dark tan color
NorristoUn Herald.
Christmas day they had an "Eistedd-
tod'' in Chickering Hall, New York, at
which one man read an ''Englynion, !"
and another recited ''Awdi, I" and then
the whole crowd stood up and sang,
'sHen wlad fly nhadhan," and then the
roof of the hall fell in.-Burlinqto,,
Hdackeye.
Col. Mooney doesn't like his new col
ored domestic SO well as he had antici-
pated. He complains that she is alto.
gether too conviyial for his taste When
anybody asks aim to explain, Mooney
says, s'She is never at home evenings;
always going somewhere. She is, in
fact, regular Dinah out,
"Steam is a great thing" remarked q
French traveller in railway carriage to
his vis-a-vis. $50 it is" was the reply;
II owe my fortune to it, monsieur
is manager of company" "No.''
IAN engineer, perhaps?" mo; I have
lost number of rich relatives by rail
road accidents"
GA friend Of mine" said Lord Erskine,
suffered from wakefulness, and vari-
Gus methods were tried to send him to
sleep, but in vain. At last his physi-
clans resorted to an expedient which
succeeded perfectly. They dressed him
in a watchman's coat, put 81 lantern into
his hand, placed him in q sentry box,
and-he was asleep in ten minutes. y
An advertisement in the New York
Sun says: can errand boy wanted
only a live boy need apply" 1t is well
to be explicit about matters of this kind
There is nothing more heartless than to
advertise for boys Unfortunately, and
have perhaps twenty or thirty dead ones
apply for the position, only to be disap'
pointed.
At the French ball. "What, are you
here, CASTOR, when only two weeks age
you buried the wife who loved you SC
fondly and to whom you seemed so de-
votedp' 'Wcll, and where would yor
wish me to be?'' lit does seem 70 mo
that if l had lost the companion of my
life | should be somewhere else, weep
-" cover her grave? know, but
the cemetery closes at shutdown"
lis the lady of the house IMP" asked
q tramp of a servant who rang the door
bell of one Of the stateliest mansions in
Austin. ''De lady of de house don't
come to de door to talk wild de like oh
.Soo. HSAis Sttlu VIZ VI UAHp, ClCtdU-
ing the remnant Of hat with grace
Chesterfield might have envied, "tell
the lady Of the house a gentleman wish
es to speak with her in the parlor.''
A little conversation overheard by
the Boston Transcript: 81 don't care
what anybody says remarked Mrs.
Fogg, warmly: "Mr. Bolus is a good
doctor, and shall employ him as long
as l live Every likely" remarked
Fogg; Il believe it is the same with all
bis patients. They all employ him as
long as they live-that is to say, until
he gets through with them.'
The Denver Tribune pleads thus for
the use of tobacco: Prince Charles, of
Prussia, died week before last at the adj
vanced age Of eighty-three. He had
been addicted to the inveterate use OF
tobacco for sixty years. The two-year
old boy Of Mr.. jenkins, of this city, died
day before yesterday without ever hav-
ing smoked, chewed or used tobacco in
any shape. 1t is not difficult to draw a
moral from these two incidents.
An employee in the Pennsylvania sta
ton at Jersey City narrowly escaped
striking a careless woman with q hand.
truck he was pushing. Turning upon
him with flashing eyes and flushed
cheeks she said: ''1f you had hit me
with that I'd a smacked you right in
the face After apologizing he said
''But, madam, l have yet to see the day
when a properly administered smack
from a comedy woman caused me tt
quail.
There is nothing like strong common
sense. An Irish soldier went to his sta
ton with the order to report anything
remarkable that had happened during
the night. A drunken fellow fell off the
wall and broke his meek. and no repor
was made. When questioned about it
Pat replied: Faith, and obeyed or
ders. If the man had fallen off the wal
and not broken his neck should Ger
tainly have reported it.