Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1883-04-13

A young lady is not like tree. You
can not estimate her age by counting
her rings.
A new story is called by Passion
| Rocked" Some one has been getting
mad and throwing small stones. O.
| A new patent ballot-box has been in
vented which it is said .'knocks the
stuffing out Of the old kind.
The newest simile in Texas is ''Over in
Mexico, where the soil is poorer than an
amateur concert" etc.
An economical woman after the death
of her infant used the remainder of her
soothing sirup to poison rats.
People say that blsckberries are good
for the complexion; but who wants q
blackberry complexion? ~
It is . great consolation TO see .
plumber compelled to buy something at
a retail drug store.-Rhiid. Times.
Many male brute who snsrls and
growls at his wife in public. is very low
ing and tender when no one else is
around. He has to be.
The operators in mythical mines are
always willing to let you in; but there is
quite difference between letting you in
and letting you win. '
It has now become fashionable in
eastern cities to be married as early as
6 o'clock in the morning. This gives =
fellow long day to repent in.
Simpson says that when he asked the
girl who is now his wife to marry him
she said II donH. mind" and she never
has minded. /:
A mule never kicks the; same object
twice. Probably for the same reason
that lightning never strikes twice in the
same place-it doesn't have to.
A new methodof .making up ladies'
faces will soon be in vogue, q vein of
natural paint having been discovered in
Westmoreland county. Pennsylvania.
The question as to who is the hand
soonest woman in America is still in
dispute. but thousands Of girls believe
that If it wasn't for their freckles they'd
justly be entitled to that distinction.
The are raising q row with 3 young
man in New Jersey who was engaged to
marry thirteen different girls. It's get
ting so q man can't have any fun at all
in that state. ..f
Character of q journalist by another
journalist: s'He is the best fellow in the
world-indulgent to the vices of all his
friends and merciless only to their vir-
tues. !" -f...
Tell your lawyer everything freely
and clearly" said wise father in ad-
yising his son. who had gotint0 trouble.
at is the lawyers business to touch
things up aftcrwartl.'' -
One cause Of poverty and distress
among fellows who marry before they
can raise q mustache is that they gener
ally become fathers of twins before they
are proprietors oi two pair Of pants.
A New York plumber is said to have
died from overwork. 1t is terribly hard
on a man to hug the cook and solder
sink spout at the same time.-LoweH
Citizen.
A female physician in New York
town is charged with commencing apost-
mortem examination before the patient
was dead. She is entitled to the medal
a. the most inquisitive woman on rec
ord.
The New York Sun has been showing
how to live on 80 . week, but up to the
hour OF going to press very few young
men on salary Of S6 week have sue
ceeded in accomplishing the feat-of
getting $40.
Poor fellow, he died in poverty"
said man of person lately deceased.
THAT isn't anything" exclaimed
seedy bystander. dying in poverty is
no hardship. It's living in poverty that
puts thumbscrews on q fellow
The queen of Servia writes all her
husbands letters while he pays billiards.
There are not many wives in this
country who would do that much, but
we can point out few who make it a
point to read all their husbands letters.
And wise women they are, too.
It is said-we have never tried the ex-
periment-that when one is hurled into |
the air by the bursting Of q boiler he
thinks Of all the evil he has committed |
in q long LIE. II this be true there are
some men in this country who would
have to stay up about three months in
order to do this subject justice. |
IAN Englishman shooting small game
in Germany said to his host that thsse
was spice Of danger in shooting in !
America. '.Ah," said the host, :.you
like danger init your sport? Then you |
go ont shooting NIT ne. Tbs lat time !
| shoot mine bruder.in-law In the
schtomack." $1,000.
A Washington lady went to 12
o'clock breakfast, then to 2 o'clock
lunch. next s-''tea' from 4 to 6. then to
\ dinner at 7:S0, and afterwards to re-
ception, and finally to german. When
she got home she found her husband
rocking the cradle with ono hand and
lrying to darn his stockings with the
other. no H t-1 vtf 7T
A Troy man had his ear ripped of byi
buzz-saw. An excited young doctor,
Who had been starving for sevenmonths
'or his first case, stuck it ON backward,
,ewed it fast, and it grew. And now
hat man looks like crack trotter wait
ng to get the word. and hs can hear
'alf way around the square in both di-
eetions. b.- 3a /.
':Did you get any ordersF' asked tho
'oss OF the drummer who had Just re-
nrned from his FIRST trip. 'Any orders?,
'choed the drummer; chats the
rouble; that's all I did get. Twas
'r1ered ont Of every shop l went into
'efore l could sell thing. Oh, YEA,
riders enough. II that's all a feilow