, 1883-09-08

ferent plays, and they all wanted to
talk at once. We let the minister sail
in first. He had on pairof his wife's
black stockings, and mantle made
of a linen buggy-lap blanket, and he
wore ID masOn's cheese knife, such as
those fellows with poke bonnets and
white feathers wear when they get
an invitation to a funeral or eXcur-
sion. Well, you never saw Hamlet
murdered the way he did it. His
Interpretation of the character was
that Hamlet was dude that talked
through his nose, and while he was
repeating Hamleps sOliloquy, pa, who
had come in with an old hunting suit
on, as RIP Van Wrinkle, we,t to sleep
and he didn't wake up till Lady Mac
beth came in, in( the sleep-walking
scene. She couldn't find a knife, so
took a slice of watermelon and
sharpened'it for her, and she made
a mistake in the'One she was to stab,
and she stabbed Hamlet in the neck
with the slice of watermelon, and the
core of the melon fell on pas face as
he lay asleep as Rip, and when Lady
Macbeth said: "Out damned spot ~
pa woke up, and felt the COB of water
melon on his face, and thought he
had been murdered, aud ma came in
ona hop, skipand jump, as Parthenia,
and put her arms around a deacon
who was going to play the Grave
digger, and began to call him pet
names, and pa got mad, and the choir
singers began to sing: "In the North
Sea lived Whale" and they quit
acting. You'd a died to see Hamlet.
The piece Of watermelon went down
his neck, and Lady Macbeth went off
and left it sticking in the wound
under the collar, and ma had to pull
it out, and Hamlet said the juice and
the seeds were running down inside
his shirt, and he said he wouldn't
play if he was going to be stabbed
with a slice of melon; so while ma
was getting the melon seeds out Of
his neck, and drying the juice on his
shirt, l sharpened cucumber for
Lady Macbeth to use as a dagger, but
Hamlet kicked on cucumbers, too,
and | had more trouble than any
stage manager ever had. Then pa
wanted to rehearse the drunken scene
in Rip Van Wrinkle, where he hugs
Gretchen and drinks out Of a flask
behind her back, and he got one Of
the choir singers to act as Gretchen,
and l guess he would have been hug
ging her till this time, and have swal-
lowed the flask, if ma hadn't took
him by the ear and said n little Of
that would go coed ways in an en-
tertainment for the church. Pa said
he didn't know that 1t was any worse
than her prancing up to grave-dig-
ger and hugging him till the filling
came out Of his teeth, and then the
minister decided that we wouldn't
have any hugging at all in the play,
and the choir girls said they wouldn't
play, and the old maid struck, and
the play came to a stand-still."
"Well that beats anything ever
heard tell Of" said the groceryman.
"It's a shame for people outside the
profession to DO play-acting, and l
won't go to the entertainment unless
| have pass. Did you rehearse any
more ~
eyes! the minister wanted to try
the ghost scene," said the boy, "and
wanted me to be the ghost. Well,
they have two Markses' and two
'Topsies' in Uncle Toms Cabin, and
l thought, two ghosts In Hamlet
would about I'll the bill for amateurs,
so | got my chum to act as one ghost.
We broke them all up. wanted to
have something new in ghosts, so my
chum and me got two pair Of mas
long stockings, one pair red and one
pair blue, and | put on a red and a
blue one, and my chum did the same.
Then we got some ruffled clothes
belonging to ma, with flounces and
things on, and put them on so they
came most down to our knees, and
we put sheets over us that came clear
to our feet, and when Hamlet got to
yearning for his fathers ghost, l came
in out Of the bathroom with the
sheet over me, and said / was the
huckiebcrry he was looking for, ana
my chum followed me out, saying he
was a twin ghost also, and then Ham
let got on his ear and said that he
wouldn't play with two ghosts, and
he went off pouting, and then my
chum and me pulled Off the sheets
and we danced a ClOg-dance. Well,
when the rest 0f-the troupe saw our
makeup, it nearly killed them. Most
of them had seen ballet-dancers, but
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colored socks. The minister said this
benefit was rapidly becoming "a farce
and before half a minute, ma, she
recognized her socks, and she came
for me with a hot box, and made me
take them of, and pa was mad, and
said the dancing was the only thing
worth the price Of admission, and
the choir girls sided with pa, and just
then my chum caught his toe in the
carpet and fell down, and 1t loOsened
the plaster overhead, and about a
bushel came down on the crowd. Pa
thought lightning had struck the
house, the minister thought II was a
Judgment on all Of them for play
acting, and ho began to shed his Ham
let costume with one hand and pick
the plaster out Of his hair with the