The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1883-06-14
llUMOR.
"WHAT Is kissing2' asks an exchange.
A matter Of taste.

"WHAT Ii kissing2' asks an exchange.
A matter Of taste.
A SOUND suggestion: Never turn .
deaf ear to the telephone.
PRIDE to the poor man Is Ike q
Stick to lemonade. Green.
That's sour opinion. Squeeze, old
man.
"Pa," said little boy at . theater the
other night, L wish I would hurry up
and get baldheaded." "Why, son 7"
Because then I could always sit on the
front row Of chairs.
"WHAT is woman's sphere r To be
automatically correct, we suppose
woman's sphere is being always round
when you want her, and sometimes
when you don't want her.
A BUSY doctor sent in certificate Of
death, and accidentally signed his name
in the space for "Cause Of DEATH The
Registrar says lie wishes the profession
would be as accurate generally.
rs THE bowling Of dog always fol-
lowed by death?" asked little girl oi
her father. Not always, my dear,
sometimes the man that shoots nt the
dog misses him. was the parents re-
ply
HIS Excellency-@You have broth
ers?' Captain your Excel
lency." His Excellcncy-"Its curious.
l was talking with your sister, and she
said she had two brothers. How is
that?"
HELLO, what brought you out here p
said one Boston man to fresh arrival
from the East in Kansas City. well,
heard that amateur theatricals Were
almost unknown here, and I've come to
stay"
A YOUNG child in Oregon died from
the effects Of swallowing the leaves Of
an almanac. It is suspected that the
seyen-cornered name Of new liver
remedy advertised therein stuck i'll the
child's windpipe.
A SMALL boy, who was playing truant
the other day, when asked if he wouldn'
get whipping when he got home, re
piled: "What is five minutes 'lickine
to five hours of fl,n2' There is foo.
for reflection in this.
PApA-"Don't you know it is yer,
dangerous to play with fire? lo'
might burn up, and become nothing bu
ashes, like those on the hearth" DO,
And then what would YOU do wit
me?-scatter me on the sidewalk
LANDLoRD-"We'res so crowded, In
sorry to say that you two gentlemen vii
have to sleep in the same bed with an
other guest" Travelers-"Oh, no. W
can't do that; we're grangers, and don
want any middle man. -Lonisrdl
Courier-Journal.
"LooK heah, Thomas Jefferson, di
heah's nice time TO You to be gettil
home,' growled Aunt Polly, as her DO
came in long after midnight. "Ol
g'long!' retorted Thomas, you dunn
muffin. Hadn't you nebber hearn do
de darkey's hour is jes befo' day.
As HE lay in the hammock, dreamil
gazing at the smooth. nower-sprinkle
lawn, his darling approached and said
"There is a difference between yot
dear, and the grass-plot." "Commun
cate the variation "This is dais
level, while you are lazy -
couldn't hear the rest of it.
GUILELEss young woman: :-"Ol
uncle, do wish you would take II
with YOU. adore those French opere
tas." Discriminating male relative
at isn't a proper place for you, N
] girl" G.. Y. W.-"But it is all
, French, aud I should not understan
more than half that was said" ID.
R.--"Yes, my dear, but which half?'
Life.
: AN Irishman who had hung on to
: strap on an elevated railway car
, New York from Ninth to Fifty-nin,
J street without getting seat, final
J taking up position from which
could take the car fore and aft, with
> look of mingled pity and contempt, g
( claimed, "Ye poor, unfortunate divil
. Have nary wan av yees got a home
. go to?'
. LADY MIpAs-"And we were hustle
. into the train anyhow, my dear Mr.
: de Tompkyns, and imagine our horr
I when the train started, ut discoverii
7 that we were actually in second-cla
: carriagew Grisby tinnocently)-"De
: mel Yes! Very awkward, indee
r You'd taken third-class ticket, su
{ pose!" Horror of Lady and Mi
Y Midas, who generally take a saloo
carriage all to themselves!
Q Q IN our country" said the Englis
IS man." as he leaned back in his ehal
y y before we marry We arrange to sett
IS q certain sum upon the WIFE "ls
!. know" replied the American, b
i with us it is different. 1t is after ,
are married that We settle everythil
upon the wife and arrange to beat o
; creditors "Haw! / see. And he
: do the creditors take it, "They new
!. find anything to take"
J. ALPHABETICAL FARMING.
There Is a farmer who Is Y's
Enough to take his E's.
q And study Nature with his Is
= And think of what he c.
He hears the chatter Of the is
= As they each other T's,
II And rs that when tree ID KS
I. 1t makes home for Rs.
pair of oxen he will Us,
With many haws and G's.
4 And their mistakes he will Qs
While plowing for his Ps
b In raising crops he all LIS.
7, And therefore little O's
"a And when he hoes his soil by spells