Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1883-03-02
WIT AND IIUyIOR.

! ne ~ o' haHicd IcCdusc IL Is always rapid
running and babblins. s.-iSomerrale JournaL
,'Pa,' said little boy at the theatre, the
other night, 81 wish | would hurry up and
get baldheaded." "Why, SOM because
then could always sit on the front row of
chalis' -ct"ctnndd Sdturiay Night,
The following wise saying by Solon is, we
regret 10 say, not generally recorded in his
works Young men, never cut your nails
before buttoniug on collar
A little girl, reading the Bible aloud to her
old grandmother, said: 'And these five
children Milcah bore" "Read that again.
daughter said the old lady, whose hearing
was was not good. And these five children
Nllcah bear, read the girl. There, that
VIII 10, said the grandmother they might
MIX bear honey, but they could not milk
boar. ~ T~tns in Jdsket.
AT restaurant. Diner-'Here, winter.
say c6onfound it, this game is too much
so y Waiter, bsandly-"Bcg pardon, sir.
Dut you're mistaken, sir. It's the other zen.
llemans fish at the next table, sir."-Quts.
What idiot has carried off my pen ?" cx-
Claimed an Austin lawyer, angrily. duriny
the trial OF case in the district court "Coi.
ohcI, you have got it behind your ear" r,-
marked one of the lawyers. 'Just where |
thought it was" -TezAi .Siftinq,
young lady of Bambcrg, Germany has
Teen punished by fine and costs for the Of
renee oi playing the piano at night by an
open WINDOW. With all its lack OF enterprise
ne herman nation has attained degree of
civilization which may well put other peoples
to the blush.
An exchange announces in tone of sur.
Prise, The Car and Czarina have been
dancing at ball." We fail to see ANYTHING
very strange about this. Even in Chicago
married people sometimes dance together if
absolutely necessary to make up set
Phjldde!phM Ne,cs.
\ Harrisburg correspondent saws that
Goycinor Pattlson is SO economical that he
blacks his own boots, dusts his desk himself
ana puts his own hat and coat away" We also
learn from another source that he buttons his
own suspcnders, picks his teeth himself.
pulls On his own stockings, and does his own
swearing when his wife sharpens lead pen
en- with his best razor 1t is wonder he
doesn't shove the latter duty on to private
secretary. -NorliSto'rH Ueluh
southern paper says that at negro
house, near Crntreville, Ga, they had habit
OF Swapping an old shotgun at each other,
which has proven innocent fun enough until
the other night, when little colorcd hoy un-
| dcrlook to trghtcn negro man. The gun
was placed near his head and fired. "A whole
load OF shot taking effect near the eur, blow
lns il entirely of, and leaving a hole "larsc
enough to lay an egg in 1t is not stated
whether the egg was laid in the hole or not.
-Ncc l0Fk Conmercidl 1dctrtiscr.
Yes, said the wooi dealer, II prefer to
sell wood to men who do their own saving.
lou can't convince man who has worked
all day at a wood pile that there isn't n full
cord of it. II Bost0nPost.
Wong Ching Foo, the editor of the new
chinese paper, says those of his ciuntrvmcn
who are gifted remain at home. In this
connection it may be mentioned that Mr..
FOO did not remain at home. B0s,oH Tran.
srpt.
The reason why hoopeklrs are no longer
worn Is because the fair sex believes JAY
Guuld would mistake the wires for telegraph
lines and want to consolidate them. -PMir.
dphi" Chronice-HraM
Women are called ''tLc weaker sex" ard
YET up to the hour Of going to press, not one
OF her SEX in this country has shown enough
intellectual weakness toembark in the weaiI.
er prophet business or attempt to eat
siNy quail in thirty days. -NOrristocn Her.
GN.
Brooklyn young man who comes to bid his
sweetheart good-by-"W Well, Lizzie. I'm of
for Cincinnati tonight" Lizzie, whose c)un.
tenance IS expressive OF the utmost alarm
ON for Cincinnati. Why gracious heavens,
Iharley, thought you told me YOU couldn't
swim. BroOklya Eagle,
They are now telling a story about Chi.
cago girl who insisted on throwing her shoe
after newly married couple. The carriage
Is a total wreck, doctor has the bride and
he horse under treatment, and large mum.
oers oi men are searching the ruins for the
groom, lhat.
college paper claims that writing college
songs seems to be lost art, and complains
greatly llcrcat. If it could be definitely as
ccrtaned that no more such songs as Bin.
90, Saw My Leg OF, or "Cochachclunk ~"
would ever be written. many hesitating par.
ents would pack their sons off 10 college in.
stanter.-Puck.
Thirly-nine pieces of orange peel were found
on IA Hartford sidewalk, in short distance,
Monday, which shows that the lie gislators OF
thls day are more extIavagant than those of
twenty-five years ago. who carried the peel
home IN their coat-tall pockets and dried it
for custard',-DnAsury Ners
There was great deal of art about the
MINISTER'S sermon to-day, wasn't there :" said
Mr.. Brown to Deacon Jones. "Why,
diant think so! it seemed very natural, re.
piled the deacon. "Well, it sounded very
much IKE art to me- "Wll you be kind
enough t. explain !" well, you know,
art Is long, and that sermon was"
.pATah' interrupted the deacon, Il see,"
anu the conversation changed. Tie Drua-
UltF.
t,,t,
a." ~ i;,,is 1"''us "oltu was mus addressed
Mon. I,,r a,'1 h, naiiilln' VIII You fe.
in, i, hn "r, ~, iiie penny WIis'le' And
w,M !, ~ o' 'Srs.us o"e' SO 'ha' can whistle
They have nice old lady i, s,r,h p,s,on
Of the genuine pnrtingtonion ,,,;',, Stii
recently alluded ,o the iIl"o.s '"f's ns ,.i on
with "ynu sc, M, h,I J,,'o"';1 S' itltuh