The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1883-06-27
THAT INFANTILE TORNADO.
THE BAD BOY RUNS A SODA WATER
FOUNTAIN.
He Tells the Grocery Man About an Exciting
Episode that Created n Goodness Between
His PA and Mn.

ft1B Ia anu .uls
"Well, how's your eye2" said the
grocery man to the bad boy, as he blew
in with the wind on the day of the
cyclone, and left the door open. "Say,
Isshut that door. You want to blow
everything out Of the store? Had any
more fights, protecting girls from
dudes?"
"No, everything is quiet so far. 1
guess since 1 have got a record as a
fighter, the boys will be careful who
they insult when I am around. But l
have had the hardest week 1 ver ex-
%perienced, jerking soda for the Young
Mems Christian association" said the
boy, as he peeled abanana.
"What do you mean, boy? Don't
cast any reflections on such a noble as
ISOLATION. They don't drink, do they"
Drink! Oh, no! They don't drink
anything Intoxicating, but when it
comes to soda they flood themselves.
You know there has been a national
convention of delegates from all the
Young Mems Christian associations
of the whole country, about three
hundred, here, and our store is right
on the street where they pass four
times a day, and l never saw such an
appetite for soda. There has been one
continual izz in our store since Wednes-
day. The boss wanted me to play
it on some of them by putting some
brandy in with the perfumery a few
times, but 1 wouldn't do it. I guess a
few weeks ago, before 1 had led a
different life, I wouldn't had to be
asked twice to play the game on any
body. But a man can buy soda OF
me and feel perfectly safe. This Chris
tian association convention has caused
a GOODNESS between pa and ma though
SLOWS that? Your pa isn't jeal-
Gus, is hep and the grocery man came
around from behind the counter to get
the latest gossip to retail to the hired
girls who traded with him.
"Jealous nothin'," said the boy, as
he took a few raisins out of a box.
"Iou see, the delegates were shufled
out to all the church members to take
care of, and they dealt two to ma, and
she never told pa anything about it.
They came to supper the first night,
and pa didn't get home, so when they
went to the convention in the evening
ma gave them a night key, and pa
came home from the boxing match
about IL o'clock, and ma was asleep.
Just as pa got most of his clothes off
he heard somebody fumbling at the
front door, and he thought it was
burglars. Pa has got nerve enough
when he is on the inside of the house
and the burglars are on tie outside.
He opened a window and looked out
and saw TWO suspicious-looking
characters trying to pick the
lock with a skeleton key, and
he picked up a new slop-jar that
ma had bought when we moved, cover
and all, and dropped it down right be-
tween the two delegates. Gosh, if it
had hit one of them there would have
been the solemnest funeral you ever
| saw. Just as it struck they got the
| OOOl OUSuCo S1lo SCtlllO - AN AleiA tAAN
the wind was blowing pretty hard and
they thought a cyclone had taken the
cupola off the house. They were talk
ing about being m%iraculously saved,
and trying to strike a match on their
wet pants, when pa went to the head
of the stairs and pushed over a wire
stand filled with potted plants, which
struck pretty nea the delegates, and
one of them said the house was coming
down sure, and they better 60 into the
cellar, and they went down and got
behind the furnace. Pa called me up
and wanted me to 60 down cellar and
tell the burglars w were onto
them, and for them to get out,
but 1 wasn't very we'll 50 pa
locked his door and went to bed.
I guess it must have been half an hour
before pas cold feet woke ma up, and
then pa told her not to move for her
life, cause there were two Of the saw
agest-!ooking burglars that ever was
rumaging ovcr tile house. Ma smelled
pas breath to see if he had got to
drinking again, and then she got up
| and hid her oraide watch in her shoes,
and her Onalaska diamond earrings in
the Bible, where she said no burglar
would ever find them, and pa and ma
laid awake till daylight, and then pa
said he wasn't afraid, and he and ma
went down cellar. Pa stood on the
bottom stair and looked around, and
one of the delegates said, Mister, is
the storm over, and is your family
SAFE and ma recognized the voice and
said, why, it's one of the delegates.
What are you doing down there and pa
said whats a delegate and then ma
explained it, and pa apologiZed, and the
delegate said it was no matter, as they
had enjoyed themsel yes real well in
the cellar. Ma was most mortified to
death, but the delegates told her it was
all right. She was mad at pa, first,
but when she saw the broken slop
bowl on the front steps, and the potted
plants in the hall, she wanted to kill
pa, and I guess she would only for the
society of the delegates. She couldn't
help telling pa he was a bald-headed
old fool, but pa didn't r~etaliate. lie is
too much Of a gentleman to talk back
in company. All he said was that a
woman who is old enough to have
delegates sawed off on to her ought to
have sense enough to tell her husband,
and then they all drifted off into con-
v~ersation about the convention and
the boxing match, and everything was
all right on the surface, but
after breakfast, when the delegates
convention, I noticed pa went right
downtown and bought a new slop-jar
and some more plants. Pa and ma
didn't speak all the forenoon, and I
guess they wouldn't up to this time,
only mas bonnet come home from the
milliner's, and she had to have some
money to pay for it. Then she called
pa pet and that settled it. When ma
calls pa pet that is twenty-five dol
lars. dear old darling means fifty
dollars. But say, those Christian young
men do a heap of good, don't they?
Their presence seems to make people
better. Some boys down by the store
were going to tie a can on a dogs tail
yesterday, and somebody said Here
comes the Christian association and
those lad boys let the dog 90. They
tried to find the dog after the crowd
had got by, but the dog knew his bust
ness. Well, l must 60 down and
charge the soda fountain for a picnic
that is expected from the country
Perks SuR.
The Prince Of Wales Shell.
The Prince of Wales shell-that
was to have been-has proved product
i've of greater damages in England