Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1883-07-15

for the fireworks, and that he could
bring q bill against the government,
and i showed him how I was bereaved
of my coat tail and some pants, but he
wouldn't reason at all, and when his
foot hit me thought 1t was resurrec-
ton, sure, and when I got over the
fence, and had picked myselfup Inever
stopped till got to Duffy's and 1 set up
with him, cause / thought her pa was
after me, and i thought he wouldn't en-.
ter sick room and maui q watcher at
the bedside Of an invalid. But that
settles Ii with me about celebrating. l
don't care five did whip the British, and
declaring Independence, / don't want
my pants burnt of. What Is the de-
claration Of independence good for to
girl who loses her polonaise, and has
her hair burnt of, and Niger chaser
burning her stockings?E No, sir, they
may talk about the glorious Fourth Of
July, but will 1t bring back
That Blonde Wig.
or retail my eeat? Hereafter | am q
rebel, and / will go out in the woods
the way pa does, and come home with
q black eye, got In q rational way"
"What! did your pa get black eye,
too? / hadn't heard about that" said
the grocery man, giving the boy
handful of unbaked peanuts to draw
him out. didn't get to fighting, did
he's"
"No, pa don't fight. 1t is wrong, he
says, to fight, unless you are sure you
can whip the fellow, and pa always
gets whipped, so he quit fighting. You
see, one Of the deacons in our church
lives oat on q farm, and all his folks
were going away to spend the Fourth,
and he had to do all the chores, so he
invited ma and pa to come out to the
farm and have nice, quiet time, and
they went. There Is nothing pa likes
better than to 20 out on q farm and pre-
tend he knows everything. When the
farmer got ma and pa out there he set
them to work, and ma shelled peas
while pa went out to dig potatoes for
dinner. | think it was mean for the
deacon to send pa out in the corn field
TO dig potatoes, and after he had dug q
whole row of corn without finding any
potatoes, to
Set the Dog on Pa
and tree him i'm an apple tree near the
bee hives, and then go an d visit with
ma and aeave pa in the tree with the
dog barking at him. Pa said he never
knew how mean deacon could be I'M
ill he had sat on a limb Of that apple
tree all the afternoon. About time to
do chores the farmer came and found
pa, and called the dog of, and pa came
down, and then the farmer played the
meanest trick of all. He SAID city peo-
PIE didn't know how to milk cows, and
pa said he wished he had as many dol
lars as he knew how to milk cows. He
said his speciality was milking kicking
cows, and the farmer gave pa tin pail
and a milking stool, and let down the
bars, and pointed out to pa the worst
COW on the place Pa knew his repu-
tation was at stake, and he went up to
the COW and punched it in the flank
and said, hist, confOund you Well,
the COW wasn't histing cow, but
Risting Bull,
and pa knew &c was bull as quick as
he seen it put down its head and bel
Ter, and pa dropped the pail and stool
and started for the bars, and the bull
after pa. / don't think it was right in
ma TO bet two shillings with the far
mer that pa would get to the bars be-
fore the bull did, though she won the
bet. Pa said he knew it was a bull just
as soon as the horns got tangled 10 in
his coat tail, and when he struck on
the other side of the bars, and his nose
hit the ash barrel where they make lye
for soap, pa said he saw more fireworks
than we did at the Soldiers Home. Pa
wouldn't celebrate any more, and he
came home, after thanking the farmer
for his eourtesies, but he wants me to
borrow q gun and go out with him
hunting. We are going to shoot q bull
and dog, and some bees, and maybe
we will shoot farmer, if pa keeps on
as mad as he is now. Well, we won't
have another Fourth of July for a year,
and may be by that time my girls pol
onaise and hair will grow out, and that
bull may become gentle, so pa can milk
it. Ta-ta."