Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1883-10-26

INDICATIONS.
Upper Mississippi Valley, generally fair weather
northeasterly winds shifting to southeasterly;
falling barometer; stationary or rising tempera-
ture.
Missouri Valley-Fair weather, followed by
local ralns southeasterly winds; falling barom-
eter, stationary or rising temperature.
NEWS COMMENTs.
''IF at first you don't succeed, suck eggs"
The hiccup is usually caused by the wine cup.
The secret of his great strength is at last out
John l.. sullivan eats mussels.
"ToMAso sALvN1''is the name of cat in Bos-
ton, but they call him Tom for short.
BILL NYE's new book is called "Baled Hay"
1t must be cut and dried production.
PEN up your hogs. 1t is rumored that Prince
Bismarck is contemplating an American tour.
DULUTH TRIBUNE: Emma Abbott was not
born in st. Paul, and she is willing to admit it,
GLADSTONE plays the accordion. This is prob
ably to keep American tourists at q safe dis
tance.
ANFw book is entitled, pleasures of Soil
tude." 1t was doubtless written by anon-adver-
tising merchant.
PUT up your pocket books, nelghbors. Mr.
Case has raised the price of Jay Eye See to
100000 spot cash.
PRESIDENT ARTHUR to Malone: "Humph!
Git out! caught fish bigger than You are
out in the Yellowstone.''
HENRY BERaHs picture has appeared in the
Police Gazette. This is carrying cruelty to
animals little too far.
HARRISON, ''the boy preacher" Is now forty
years old, but he tries to make the girls believe
he has lust turned nineteen.
A AMAcEDoN1A, Ohio, girl sat down on q hot
stove not knowing there was fire it it. She
doesn't sit down at all now.
TIE horse reporter of the Philadelphia Times
believes that Jay Eye See has earned the right
to carry at least two tails in fly time.
SARA BEBNHARDT has had trouble with q
> plumber because of a small bill. No woman
will give up her diamonds without struggle.
PADDED hips is the latest feminine fashion.
(Old papers for sale at this Office in packages to
suit. Apply to the blushing business Manager
FoRDs Howards Il Hubert have printed
sermon right along for Mr.. Beeoher ever since
he has been away. Henry will preach them
when he returns.
8. J. TnDEN sings tenor beautifully. If the
worst comes to the worst the poor old man can
make living travelling with some only original
troupe of jubilee singers.
Mrs. LANaTRYs mamma is with her this trip,
but the old lady cannot see without her glasses
and the charming lily always manages to hide
them Just before Freddie calls.
THEY had fight over the oyster in q church
fair stew at Bayville, l.. l., last week. Six eager
oombatants were each anxious to gain posses
sion of the case hardened curiosity.
S~A>~S
ducks to pat "juber' some chickens to dance
to the measure. He should now train pig to
whistle and his troupe would be complete.
MARY ANDERSON snubbed the prince Of
Wales. She was probably mad because he fell
in love with Berahardt and Langtry before her
peerless graces shot athwart his royal vision.
JUST now it il said to be craze among the
fashionable ladies of New York society to own
valuable COWS, paying for them sums varying
from $4,000 to $4,000. The poodle and dude
must 60.
THERE are eighty three humorous papers pub
lished by Americans in Italy, and the sending
of 80 many gifted musicians and accomplished
monkeys to this country is said to be actuated
by spirit of revenge.
AWAsHrNaroN claim agent has brought q
libel suit against Cincinnati paper for $780,
600 for publishing statements injurious to his
moral character, His moral character was 80
small that the editor probably overlooked it and
stepped on it.
A COWBOY writes to the st. Louis Globe Dem
ocrat Offering to remove the police commission
ers for 800 each and the governor for $1,000.
The editor has the matter under consideration
and will probably give the festive steer agltator
ajob.
MARK TWAIN advised that gentleman who is
engaged in the leather trade and who has pur-
chased q grove and lawn at Concord should call
it Hyde Park. It would also be in keeping
with the eternal fitness of things for him to
drive his team tandem.
An Ohio girl mistook John Sherman for the
general the other day and tried to kiss him bat
the old statesman sprang backwards about ak
and . half feet and gave her q look that made
her spine feel like mid-winter icicle. John
isn't that kind of person.
TIE crown Prince of Germany is smarter
4 than the most erndite Boston lady. She writes
political memoirs, prattle prettily Of phil
osophy, carves statuary, oomposes sonnets, and