The weekly democratic statesman. [volume] (Austin, Tex.) 1871-1883, 1883-01-11
Your Choice for q Nickle.


Galveston should not be very neat
her bay is less tide-y than any on the
coast.
Can a man be called as regular as
clock-work because most of his bust
ness is done on time?
Motto for street car: Catch on
Also for door on cold day-or how
could you keep it shut ?
Would dry goods clerk make a
good cavalryman because he is always
charging and counter-chargingp
This weather might properly be
called appropriate for OK hides; oxides
of iron, zinc, etc.-[Chemical joke.l
The weight of business now seems
to fall lightly on all grocery dealers.
Only fourteen ounces to the pound.
Young man, don't think that be-
the family that she will make the
best bread.
The next greatest literary phenom-
enOn" will be published by all the hui
morous papers jointly, and will be a
key explaining their jokes inflicted on
the public previously.
Going to a ball in uniform is a God
send TO bald-headed men. They can
wear their hats and save themselves
from the usual ballroom jokes about
bald heads. Explanations of this
style of joke furnished free for two
three-cent stamps.l
MY DEAR" said newly married
man on Mesquite street the other day,
I'VE have arrived to the comparative
degree" "How is that, sweetest 2"
why, before marriage, was dear
and you were a treasure; now, you
are dearer and 1 am treasurer" She
has been at her mothers ever since.
Young Swepes has quit visiting
Mrs. LoOsetongue's daughter on Col
lege avenue. The other evening he
was around there, and the young
hopeful of the family asked:
Mr.. Swepes, do you make bakers
breadp ?"
why, no; why?"
"'CauSe ma said that you was so
light headed that Mr.. Lundberg would
make money by hiring you to look at
his flour to make his bread rise"
A newsboy was induced to go to
Sunday school the other Sunday, I'M
der the delusion that there was new
troop playing morning matinee.
When he got on the Avenue after
wards his chumS asked him what he
learned. He said:
"Why, heard about Teller called
Jonas what was such milk sop as to
believe all them Sunday school book
stories until he was green as grass.
Then he we went fishin' wild lot of
the boys one Sunday and tumbled in
de pond, and a big alligator gobbled
him in, but packed him out as soon as
he had time to think it over. And l
coined away when heard that, cause
l don't believe any such wicked stories.
Let us flip nickles for de cigarettes"
"This is very damp, disagreeabie
weather we are having, Mr.. Smithers. /"
Ell 2" replied Mr.. Smithers, who is
hard of hearing.
Il said this was very wet. disagree
able weather we are having" said Mr..
Plmple, in louder voice. while every
miserable, shivering passenger in the
car grinned.
did you ask me if 1 disagreed with
my mother? Why, l."
mo, no; l said that this was very
wet, disagreeable weather." yelled
Pimple, as he began to perspire.
"Why, no, / never met DIsraeli's
mother. Why?"
II never asked that; simply re-
marked that we were having wet, dis
agreeable weather. Damp weather,
you know" howled Pimple. "Oh,
muddy streets, don't you under
stand; been raining five days, and
Austin is wet, sloppy, and"
That's all you said, is it? Well,
now, see here, Mr.. Pimple, if I am
little deaf. sir. / am not to be insulted