Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-05-21
THE BAD BOY NOT TO BLAME.

you?" said the grocery man to the
bad boy as he came into the grocery
on crutches.
90, there's not much the matter
with me-" said the boy in a voice
that sounded all broke up, as he took
a big apple off basket, and began
peeling it with his upper front teeth.
eff you think | am a wreck you
ought to see the minister. They had
to carry him in installments, the way
they buy sewing machines. 1 am all
right, but they have got to stop him
up with oakum and tar before he will
ever hold water again"
"Good gracious, you have not had
a fight with the minister, have you?
Well, have said all the time, and l
stick to it, that you would commit
crime yet and 60 to state prison.
What was the fuss about?" and the
grocery man laid the hatchet out of
of the boys reach for fear he would
get excited and kill him.
80, it want no fuss. 1t was in the
way of business. You see, the livery
man that I worked for promoted me.
He let me drive a horse to haul saw
dust for bedding. first, and when he
found that | was real careful, he let
me drive an express wagon to haul
trunks. Day before yesterday, | think
it was-( Yes, / was in bed all day
yesterday day before yesterday
there was a funeral, and our stable
furnished the outfit. 1t was only a
common S11 funeral, so they let me
90 to drive the horse for the minis
ter-you know the buggy that goes
ahead of the hearse. They gave me
an old horse that is thirty years old,
| that had not been off of walk since
nine years ago, and they told me
to give him a loose rein. and he would
go along all right. It's the same old
horse that used to pace so fast on
the avenue years ago, but [ didn't
know it. Well, | want to blame.
just let him walk along as though
he was hauling sawdust, and gave
him a loose rein. When we got off
the pavement the fellow that drives
the hearse, he was in hurry, cause
his folks was going TO have ducks for
dinner, and he wanted to get back,
so he kept driving alongside of my
buggy and telling me to hurry up. [
wouldn't do it, cause the livery man
told me to walk the horse. Then
the minister he got nervous, and said
he didn't know as there was any use
of going so slow, because he wanted
to get back in time to get his lunch
and 90 to the ministers meeting in
the afternoon, but | told him we
would all get to the cemetery soon
enough if we took it cool, and as for
me / wasn't in no sweat. Then one
of the drivers that was driving the
mourners, he came up and said he
had to get back in time to run we'd
ding down to the one O'Clock train,
and for me to pull out little. I
have seen enough of disobeying Or
ders, and | told him funeral in the
hand was worth two weddings in the
bush, and as far as I was concerned
this funeral was going to be conduct
ed in decorous manner, if we didn't
get back till next day. Well, the
minister said, in his regular Sunday
school way, my little man, let me
take hold of the lines,' and like a
darn fool | gave them to him. He
slapped the old horse on the crupper
with the lines, and then jeTked up,
and the old horse stuck up his off ear,
and then the hearse driver told the
minister to pull hard and saw on the
bit little, and the old horse would
wake up. The hearse driver used to
drive the old PAGER on the track, and
| he knew what he wanted. The minis
ter took off his black kid gloves and
| put his umbrella down between US, and
pulled his hat down tight on his head,
and began to pull and saw on the
bit. The old cripple began to move
aloug sort of sideways, like a hog
going to war, and the minister pulled
some more, and the hearse driver,
who was right behind, he said, so
YOU could hear him clear to Wauka-
sha, s'Ye-e-up," and the old horse
kept going faster; then the minister
thought the procession was getting
too quick, and he pulled harder, and
yelled :'who-a," and that made the
old horse worse, and looked through
the window in the buggy top, behind,
and the minister he got pale and said,
''My little man | guess you'd better
drive" and | said, Not much, Mary
Ann, you wouldn't let me run this
funeral the way / wanted to, and now
you can boss it, if you will let me
get out" but there was street car
ahead, and all of sudden there was
an earthquake, and when | come to
there were about 600 people pouring
water down my neck, and the hearse
was hitched to the fence, and the
hearse driver was asking if my leg
was broke, and policeman was fan
ming the misister with a plug hat that
looked as though it had been struck
by pile-driver, and some people
were hauling our buggy into the
gutter. and some men were trying to
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