The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-01-27
A Sioux Bill of Fare.


United States style of feeding the
noble red man is the fact that he is
given government rations, and at the
same time appropriations are made
which are supposed to maintain him.
Sometimes wild Indian who
dosen't know much about groceries
and how to prepare them for food,
comes in and draws his regular sol
dier rations in this way. For instance
up in the Sitting Bull country while
ago an Indian came in from the war
path who had never seen any of the
palace style of goods, and drew his
rations.
He made light meal of unground
coffee the first day, and as he oyerate,
and the coffee swelled on him, he
had difficulty in buttoning his pants
around the pain that he had on hand.
He felt very unhappy for day or
two, but laid it to the fact that he
hadn't exercised much, and the con-
sequent ennui and Indigestion re-
suited therefrom.
AS soon as he succeeded in getting
his interior department quieted down
he tackled his rations of candles.
These he decided to parboil, in order
to avoid trouble from Indigestion.
The dish was not so much of a gilt
tering success as he had anticipated,
and as he remorsefully picked the
candle wicking out of his teeth with
tent-pin he made some remark that
grated harshly on the aesthetic ears of
those who stood near.
He then tried a meal of yeast pow
der with vinegar. He ate the yeast
powder and then took a pint of ex-
tremely potent vinegar to wash it
down.
At first there was feeling of glad
surprise in his stomach. which rapid
ly gave place to unavailing remorse.
A can of yeast powder in an In
dams midst dosen't seem to be pre-
pared for a pint of vinegar, and the
result of such an unfortunate circum-
stance is not gratifying.
Every little while a look of pain
would come over the features of the
noble child of tine forest, and then he
would jump about seventeen feet and
try to kick cloud out of the sky.
Then he would sit down and think
over his past life.
1t took about week for him to get
back to where he dared to get up an
other meal for himself. Then he
fricassed couple pounds of laundry
soap and ate that.
Soap is all right for external pur-
poses or for treating a pair of soiled
socks, but it does not assimilate with
the gastric juices readily, and those
who have tried laundry soap as a
relish do not seem to think that it
will ever arrive at any degree of
prominence as an article of diet.
That is why the untutored child of
nature swore. He had rever received
the benefits of an early training in
profanity and his language therefore,
was disconnected and rambling; but
when we consider that he was ignor-
ant of our language and that every
little while he had to stop and hold
on to his digester with both hands
and dig great holes in the earth with
his toes, the remainder didn't seem
altogether out of place or irrelevant.
When gallon or so of agitated
baking powder and vinegar is sing
ing its little song in the innermost
recesses of an Indian and this has
been followed ny treatment of laun-
dry soap, hestudent of human nature
can find wide field for observation in
that locality.
The earnest and occupied look, the
troubled expression of the counte-
nance, followed by the quick, ner.
vOus twitching of the muscles of the
face and then the swelling up and
the bursting of the suspender button,
the deep-draWn sigh and the smoth-
cred crossword, all betoken the gas
trio agitation going on within.
This is why an Indian prefers link
of bologna sausage and two-year.
old dog to the high priced groceries
so common to our modern civiliza-
tion.-Ldrdnaie Boomerang.