News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-09-27
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK.
1t Might Have Been-A Little Worrying
COnundrums-NegIecte His FamiIy-A
Good Many of Them.
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.

The gentleman from Iowa addressed one
of the Herald staff, who happened to be
in the exchange room.
Certainly, sir; take a seat; the ex.
change editor will be in soon."
81 am the editor of the Register. I
regard the Herald as the best paper in
my exchange list"
eyes? Well, we all deem the Regis
ter the best paper in Iowa. Indeed, we
all stand at the door when Albert brings
the mail and grab for the BalIvilIe Reg
lister. 1t is full of ideas, and we get
subjects for editorials and special articles
by the yard from it. We couldn't get
along without the Register. "
journalistic courtesy of this kind is
due from one editor to another. Pres
entity the exchange editor came in.
s'May I see the Ballville Register ?"
"CertainIy. You'll find it in the waste
basket" Violent gesticulations from the
courtesy editor. "That Register is the
very poorest paper that sneaks into this
Office" continued the exchange man,
amid a shower of desperate gesticula-
tions and vain "ahems." 81 never saw
a copy of the Register that had an idea
in it as big as an o with the rim knocked
off. I always pitch the blamed thing
into the waste basket as soon as [ see
the wrapper. [ don't know what they
keep sending it here for"
The editor of the courtesy department
vainIy threw his shoulders out of joint
and then left the room. When he came
back the Iowa editor was gone. ''Say,
that was the editor of the Register"
The exchange editor jumped into the
waste basket and pulled the lid dowD.-
Chicago Herald.
NOTHING TO WORRY OVER.
A horse belonging to coIored man,
and attached to an ash wagon, was stand
ing at the corner of Woodward avenue
and John R. street yesterday, when he
suddenly Iurched forward and fell over.
A crowd collected, and the owner came
hurrying up.
what allied the equine, and the owner
finally appealed to a citizen to tell him
what he thought.
'Why, it seems to me to be plain
case of poll-evil, pink-eye, string-halt,
glanders, bolts, and the epizootic, was
the reply.
"Tbanks. Dat takes powerful bur-
den off de ole mans mind. Do you
| know dat when fust cum runnin up an
| saw lie ole hoss lynn dar' wild his eyes
| closed and his legs all twisted up made
ND nv mind dat sOmctin' sorter serious
had c9tched III walk him II, hons E
brace him up. Glad you was heah, soh
| cause ia have bin worried. "-L)etro5I
| Free Press.
TWO CONUNDRUNIs.
| ssAw. can you tell me, Miss Fair,
| oueried George Washington LaDude,
after n brief period of intense study,
.s1vbv +he-aw-Ponto's caudal appen-
dage is like a coming event2"
'No, Mr.. LaDude."
ssWeII, aw, it is something to a cur,
don't YOU know-ha ha?'
every good, Mr.. LaDude, very good
But can YOU tell me why your hat is like
bad habit?" 10,
"Why. err, aw; well, no-why IS 1t?
ssRecanse it is something to a void.
..Ohl weally, now, Miss Fair, yo'
are lust too bad for anything, don't yo'
know ?"-IHe J~dge.
NEGLECTED HIS FAMILY.
l ono, sir, I utterly and positively re
= fuse to listen to any excuse from you'
2 said the Austin recorder emphatlcaily.
n "But, your honor
e "Thpre are no mitigating clrcun
: stances whatever. I have no sympath
Q for the man who neglects his family"
L 81 didn't neglect my family. l onl
= cave my neighbours boy warming up
II ssThat's lust it. That's the troubl
f Here YOU have house full of childre
re Of vour own, and yet you 60 out on Il
0. street. and wallop a strange child
it whom you were under no Obligations
wbin and leave your own children u
nnnished. Yes, sir, you are mulct, s
actually mulct in the sum of ten dolla
and costs. Call the next case. "-1e1
IS SJti2gs. u--n,,
~ certain hotel on Long Island h
- 1ono been famous for its superior d
- ners, the proprietor being an excelle
ny caterer. He is also a fine sportsmf
oA o,d during the shooting season the no
cn is allowed to run itself. OF late ye'
lie he has become quite deaf, and tins
en Fiction was the occasion OF funny
10 cident. :,
,he He had shot quite a number OF gol(
IGN IGN plover. and was in his office stroklng
III" birds and arranging the feathers I
rem oaratorv to sending them as pres
70 worthy friend. While thus oc
MI III MED n certain doctor arrived by
nth i+ooo from the train, and stepping 1
ng' the Office. thus interviewed the prop
! ~ tor of the hotel:
n8' "Can [ get a room?"
no "Fipe birds,' said the hotel man,
eIg tent ON his employment.
an" "Can [ get a room?" inquired
, would-be guest.
it", &C., Golden plover they're called-go
ti,o M plover, was the reply.
l9 In9 "WeIl you must be confomdedto 10
'''i,, said the now impatient doctor.
III, ,IIo eyes; good many of them about
i,n9 hl' now-good many of them about
| ant now H' was the prompt and rather
ling reply.
Al The doctor 'smelt a mice" by
was time, secured room, and before h'
w q told this story, which the hotel
near laughed over as heartily as anyone
TIE AMERICAN.
lier. He lisa Colonel or Judge,
, ana Or, perhaps, LII. D.,
Or a Major or General, he,
And when hos no higher
les u They call him Esquire,
,+ And search for his family tree.
Louisville JON