National Republican., 1883-05-17

| And all that was death
| Grows life. grows love-
| Grows love
| Robert Brownfn0's I" "Jocoserid."
BUTLER Cleveland and Pattison arc now
called the "idal-wsve mis-hts.
THE Biissdrd tells of little Oil City boy
who doesn't want Ia be Christian, but does want
TO be an OIL speoulator
LAST week Methodist conference in New
England voted that the use of tobacco Is a sin
against God. II must have had reference 10 Con.
necticut tobacco. Post Express
| 1T has been decided by tho Punsters'
league that all future struggles with the word
| dude" are out of ORDER Commercial Advertiser
Quite right. 1t has been do'd to death.
LADY FLORENCE DrxtE Is small wiry, and
| 30 years old she swins, rides drives and shoots.
She is accomplished clever, warn. h hearied, and
sincere. Hence the English people regard her as
eccentric.
An advertisement in daily says: Wanted
servant girl to do the work of small French
fat" The advertisement doesn'tsay so, but prob
ably applications for the situation should bo made
TO the Due de Morny-Pod. Erpress
A POET asks, "where are the springs Of
long ago2" Blessed II we know. Perhaps they
are lingering in the lap Of the dead past.--Poa-
Express. Wrong again. They are still being
worked over into restaurant chickens.
$50 YOU arc married at last Charley. I
hear your wife is very energetic woman and
keeps things stirred up. OF course you married
her for lover "No," said the husband, bracing
himself up II married her to cure my dys-
pepsia"
A SENSATION was caused on Broadway last
week by the spectacle OF an elegantly dressed lady
bringing our dish Of ice-cream TO her hveriad
coachman The latter ate 1t, on his box. and
then the lady returned the dish TO the res
taurant, came back, and drove of
The discerning Detroit Free Press has dis
covered that ify you ask young man who wears
two watch chains what time 1t is by both his
watches he 10 quite certain to grow indignant
and yet what Is his object In wearing both IL not
to have all the time there ISL
The new coachman (French) has been ad-
vised TO be scrupulously polite TO his employer II
he wishes to keep his place. Accordingly, whom
his master visits the stable the following conver-
saton takes place: "well, John, how are the
horses this morning7" "Quite well, sir, thank
| you. And your"
FRENCH chemist says he can resuscitate
human body alter 1t has been frozen solid for six
| months. PeeSs Sun is under the impression that
II he can mako the thing.work 1t will become
fashionable to freeze stiff in December and be
thawed out In May twill save fuel, and one can
pass hard winter and not know that coal has
gone up 81 ton.
| A MAN in Illinois has brought suit for
divorce because his wife allowed him 10 20 70
work mornings with no other breakfast than cod
| liver oil, and had bought piano which she did
| not know how to play aud had not the means 10
pay for. The neghbors did not worry much
over the dainty meal that idiot swallowed as they
did about the piano racket.
NEW ORLEANS Picayune: The Fenians
care is to get up Fenian "A man too lazy
to hear himself talk is very The last spike
of now railroad is driven with trip hamrner....
Pie will be given to everybody who sees the cor
onation Of the czar.. .Bird's-nest soup can be
made Of last years nests; but 1t will not be 30
fresh. is the location on the end Of ones nose
that makes mole hi1llook like mountain.
"GEssLER2 Who was GesslerP said Mrs.
Beckram to her husband. ''He was tyrant, my
dear, and also life insurance agent" 'What do
you mean by such nonsenseW There is no non-
sense about 1t, Mrs. Beckner, assure you. Does
| not william Tell say 10 Gessler in thethird act,
| 'Ha, tyrant, hast thou not given me assurance Of
| my life Your husband, madam, never makes q
statement that he is not prepared to support BY
documentary evidence Strtnos.
The family of Mrs Stowe hold her in such
reverence that somo OF them apparently think she
wrote the Bible. Her little grandson, at the age
proved by his mother, who told him Mr.. Smith
would not like 1t. ~ don't care for Mr.. Smith,"
said the ufchin, 'nor for his OK nor his ass, nor
anything that is his" "Willy," asked his mother,
| do you know who wrote those words you use so?'
~ don't know" was the reply; Grandma Stowe,
Is'pose"
81 HAD one insane man under nearly in
cessant observation" wrote the late DR.. Leserquos
the famous French doctor. He was cultivated
patient, seemingly quite sane and highly intell-
| gent. / visited him three times day. He i'm
plored me to have him set at liberty one minute
| with the most persuasive eloquence and the next
with irrefutable logic-so irrefutable that ut the
end Of eighteen months gave the certificate Of
| freedom Two days after, with one stroke Of tho
knife he killed his wife"
WHEN Bass moved into an apartment house,
| Fogg remarked to Mrs b.: "Quite appropriate,
Mrs. Bass sweet to the suites, you know" Fem
| derson. who was present thought 1t was a pretty
| nice compliment; 80 when he saw Base next day
he thought he would try 1t. II hear you have
moved into family hotel" he began; quite ap-
| propriate, fiat TO the fats, you know" And Fem
| derson still wonders why Bass should get mad
| over q remark that had made Mrs. B. smile SO
sweetly.-Boston Transcript.
AUGUST BARTHoLDI has been so enthusiastic
| in getting up the colossal statue for New York
harbor that, when subscription Jagged in France,
ne pledged MS private fortune 10 defray running
expenses. He is about 80 years old, and has made
his mark in Parislan art. He is now engaged in
the sculpture of an enormous lion out Of the rock
| in the side OF the mountain ut Belford. to COM
memorate the fact that that fortress did not sur
render to the Germans. The stone lion Will be
eighty four feet long and thirty feet high.
"CoL. JACKSON" said the minister. az
saw your little boy just now as drunk as he could
be-" "Yesl Well, what about the coming Sum
day school excursion ?" Great goodness, colonel,
does the beastly drunkenness OF your son interest
you 30 little as that7' Well, let me tell you. II
is encouraging to see that tho boy has begun
| drinking at an early age. didn't begin to drink
until 1 was twenty years old consequently /
haven't got enough yet. You know, there is Just
so much for man to drink, and the sooner he
begins the sooner hen get through. ."-ArkansaD
| 1fdveleT.
AaENTLEMAN went into gun store for tho
| purposes OF buying gun: He saw fine sample
Of the stock on the showcase and attempted 10
pick Il up for examination. The German store
keeper, who saw the movement, shouted: "Mlne
frent, dots besser you look pootyyell oud. Dot gun
vas loated, und when he goes of he kicks like ter
tuyiel" The gentleman, thinking 70 have some
fun with the German, replied, "a gun capt kick.