Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1883-02-02
ais not your nnme John DUMMY p,

"Is not your namo John QuimbyP"
'It is; I'm Quimby; but, great heay-
ems, have no use for an undertaken"
cited voice, 'why did you come last
night to my establishment and ring tho
night bellP Why did you tell me TO
bring along, the first thing in the morn
ing. the nobbiest casket in the shopp
Do you think this is fair treatment for
decent undertaken, MIR. Quimbyp DO
you think -"
"For tho Lords sake, be quiet"
gasped Jack "Here are five dollars
for New Years present Say no moro
about It. Take your casket back. and |
will call on you this afternoon Sand
square up the balance. Don't you see
that was not myself when spoke to
you ibout that intermentp Now, 60
away like good fellow" and Jack
pushed Mr.. Brown out, and sat down
again TO his invoices with heavy
heart.
How full l must have BEEN" he
muttered ITO order coffin; why.
that's the worst l ever did. i wish |
could remember something about what
happened after left Benton's But
can't; it's no use;- I'm wretched
swine, and not long for this world.
Tm"-
"Gentleman wants 10 see Mr.. Quinn
by" shrieked the messenger.
"Don't disturb yourself, Mr.. Quinn
by" cried short, stout man, with q
bull neck. .9Just ten-thirty. Come to
give you your lesson as per contract"
took out set of boxing-gloves, and
smiled complacently at the astonished
Quimby.
What the dickens are you doing
J herep'' calculated that individual, as
! soon rs he recovered his breath.
"Your boxng-lesson, Mr.. Quimby.
Contract drawn up, sir, last night.
Signed in the presence of Mr.. Elmore.
Hours from ten to twelve every day. at
this Office. See for yourself" And
the pugilist handed Jack a paper on
which his own signature appeared, w tn
Elmore and several others as witnesses,
to an agreement between Sam Slogem
of the first part, and John Quimby, of
the second part, wherein it was agreed
that said Slogem should instruct said
Quimby in the manly art of self-de-
fense. between the hours of ten and
,, twelve at his Front street office, at 50. so
q lesson.
Here's five dollars said Quimby;
:, "take it for your trouble, Mr.. Slogem,
and come about the latter end of next
week" And as the pugilist put his
; gloves away and walked off Jack clasped
his hands about his head and fell into q
train of serious thought.
1--WE been off," he said, "but never
SO of rs / was yesterday. A coffin and
boxing lessons--where the deuce could
| have been, anyhow"
, Let me in; m st see him! Curse
q him! I'll kill him, the cowardly scoun-
q drel He insulted my wife! l say let
:. me in; I'll have his life!" The voice
:. and the scuffie were outside Mr.. Quinn
: by's door.
impossible. sir, impossible. Mr..
d Quimby is a gentleman, and never,
: knowingly, insulted any one.
|, This was quite enough for Jack. He
s. felt cold chill all over, and, seizing
@ his cane and hat, shot down side en-
trance.
t "Where are you going. Mr.. Quinn.
} byP" asked Il porter.
K ITO the dckensn' shouted Jack
q .'The whole world is coming here with
I, coiiins, and boxing-gloves, and insultec
,e wives. I'm crazy--plum crazy. Ou
1t of my way. or I'll kill you" And The
H. wretched man darted into the street
TX sprang into hack, and fell back OF
r. the seat in q condition OF complete eX
g, haust:on.
~ On the third day of January Miss AL
:. =, ice Benton was informed that Mr.. JohI
~ Quimby craved audience of her.
" "Why, Jack, how pale you are, ant
! how miserable you look" she ex
., claimed, as Mr.. Quimby made her
el very humble bow, and cast on her
~ glance full of the most imploring peni
"' tence.
of "Alice," he said, "do you remembe
-. VI New Years dayp"
u "Of course do"
:, ~ called on you, Alice"
ns "Certainly yon did, Jack; and sang
' 7 song, too. Don't you remember"
-, Remember; yes, quite well-atleast
IL II l think do. But after that, Alice, aft
~, -, er that
a, "Come, Jack, don't look so horror
ia stricken. What occurred after thatP'
w "Heaven alone knows. L only know
e. about half, and there must be ahundre,
precincts yet to hear from. i went t.
sy an undertaken and ordered a coffin;
n invited bruiser to call at my otfic
re during business hours and spar with me
re / insulted somebody's wife; l borrowed
IL money from every one in town, ant
to there were thirty-two creditors waitin;
ly to see me in the hall yesterday; l have
to seven pairs of boots making for me il
various arts of the town; have bough
e. land, ships, o-partnerships, grain
m clothes, guns--in fact, Alice, find that
I'D begging your pardon. Satan has go
Is such mortgage on me that he too
n. possession of this poor carcass on Ne,
CIV Years night, and l have come to swea
y off, once and forever"
r. "On what will you swear, Jack
at Now, mind you, this is a serious matter
'st You never acknowledged before tina
NJ such necessity existed. Shall get til
"a Biblep"
"Tll swear on your lips, sweetheart,
10 said Mr.. Quimby, gallantly, and righ
ro .,o Justify did he take the oath. ats hig
ns time, darling" he continued, "when
t o man mistakes an undertai ser shop for
no NJ saloon-it's high time to turn over
l., new leaf"
is And Charley Elmore was Quimby'
Sc best man at the wedding; but from tha
NJ day to this Jack never suspected tha
if he was the victim of reformatory cor
ali spiracy. AryOnaM.
of The Speed and Size Of Atlantic Waves
ng The London Nautical Magazine cor
N, tains an article by Captain Riddle, tn
as Atlantic steamship commander, on tn
Dv height and velocity of Atlantic waves.