The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-04-04
AT THE TELEPHONE.
Spoopsndyke Initiates His Wife into its
Mysteries A Smash-up the Result

| a. az Ia -
snow, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, standing before the telephone and
preparing to explain the mysteries and
advantages to his wife, snow, mydear,
this is going to prove the most conven-
lent thing we ever had In the house.
When ] want to talk to any one, Just
turn this crank and say; Hello, hello!'
and / tell her who want, and she calls
him up, Now I'll ask for Mr. Speckle-
wottle," and Mr.. Spoopendyke turned
the crank, utterly forgetting to press
the button that makes the connection.
"What does he sayp" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, cooking her head to one
side. us q woman always does when her
husband is trying to listen. aaflt
HE don't say anything yet" growled
Mr. Spoopendyke. "He amt ike you.
He waits until he has got something i'm.
portant on his mind, and then he says II.
Hello, hello!" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke,
giving the crank vicious twist and
glaring into the enunciator with a vim
dictive look. "Now, you keep that mouth
OF yours tied up, or you're liable to lose
1t some dayr' with which doleful prog
nostication Mr.. Spoopendyke ratified
away at the crank, and awaited some
sign OF life at the other end.
'Isuppose it is really that girls fault"
murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, shifting
at the instrument as though she smelled
the young lady from afar, and found her
no better than she ought to be. II don't
suppose she's there at all. More likely
she's gadding around somewhere.
"What'd We want to talk just then
forp" howledM Mr. Spoopenkpke. What's
your measly object in breaking out with
the conversational smallpox at that crit
ical junctureP Don't you know she was
Just beginning to talk, and you mademe
lose herp tell you one thing" added
Mr.. Spoopendyke. with impressive sol
emnity, If you don't shut your mouth
once in awhile, the moths viii get in
there and make you trouble"
| If she'd only commence to talk, you
haven't lost her" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, wrinkling her nose. you'll have
no trouble with her if she's got started"
Hello, hello! call up Mr. Speckle-
wottle!' bawled Mr.. Spoopendyke, APP
parently convinced by his wife's manner
or his own experience. There, she's
gone. No use for me to try anything
when you're around. Another time
want to talk through telephoneI' II take
| it over in vacant lot! Do you know
of anything that will keep YOU quiet for
q momentp' demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, his wrath rising as he contem-
plated his i'll usage. "Never mind the
expense. Just name the article! Why
didn't you tell me, when you referred
me to your measly old dad, that was
proposing marriage to a dod gasted
steam dictionary"
Say, dear, can / talk through itp"
cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxious to
disarm her husband.
us there anything you can't talk
through" squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke.
beginning to realize that there was some
thing about the telephone that he did
not thoroughly understand. when I
get telephone for you, the diaphram
will be of double and twisted wrought
steel with railroad tracks for wires, and
don't believe that will last MORN an
hour and half! Hello, hello-o-o! wake
up and call Mr. Specklewottte, dod CAST
YET and Mr.. Spoopendyke ratified away
at the crank until his arm ached.
2"Be patient, dear. You said she'd
gone, and it's long way around to Mr..
Specklewottle shouse. Perhaps he isn't
home, and she's waiting for him."
That's the way it works, eh?"
shrieked Mr., Spoopendyke, glaring at
his wife. ut took you TO get hold Of
it! When call that girl she goes home
to dinner, and along in the evening she
goes around to Specklewottle' house and
brings him here in hack! That your
idea of it? Or, p'raps you've got some
sort of notion that she runs the wire
through Specklewottle, turns on the
current and slams him right up here
through the side of the house! That
your idea' Well she don't, and she
don't break her back trying to make q
dod gasted idiot OF herself, like some
women!'
II think I understand how itworks,"
faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke You say,
Yellow, Yellow rE
"There's the combination" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "You got your work in
that time! Why didn't you tell me was
bringing this thing home to the inventory
What'd you want to let me stand up here
and explain this thing to the only COM
prehensive brain that ever tackled itforP
You've got it! With what you know
now and what you got to find out, you
only need wig and law suit to be the
whole science of electricity. tell We
this is the way it works." and Mr..
Spoopendyke brought the box q kick
that splintered it. "See 1t work." he
demanded, pulling at the wires until
they cut his hands. Watch it, while l
convey your regards to the other luna.
tics!" and he danced on the remnants OF
1 the instrument, and smashed the frag-
ments against the wall.
| "Neper mind, DEAR demonstrated
Mrs. Spoopendyke, suffering around
after him and trying to soothh him.
"When we want Mr.. Specklewottle again
we'll just send servant around after
him. That'll be much nicer than trust
ing to nasty wire, and I know there
was draught through that box for I
could feel 1t as soon as it came in tho
room"
"Oh, you could feel itl' roared Mr..
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