The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-28
AUNT BETHIA.

AUNT BEIHIAs
1t m be that our old-fashioned aunt
needs no introduction. Perhaps you
have met her in the city at some recent
art exhibition, or picture sale, where
she set among the crowd, a little be-
wildered, but sufficiently alert, listening
to the glib chatter of the critics as they
discussed the merits of some thousand
dollars landscape.
The same being, as she declared to
the friend accompanying her, "only
picter of what anybody can see for
nothin' up to Craney -Holler,'' where
she lives. "Why," said she, regarding
the great work of art with one eye
severely shut up, "jest go to our back
door of summer morning and stand
and look, and there you have it, for all
the worldl
The same smooth, green medders,
with the pretty brooks windin' through
'em, and on both sides, to the right and
left, the pastur' lands where the cattle
ara fed, SO peaceful and contented; then,
way off in the distance, them sollem-
lookin' mountains, with the shadders
creepin' round 'em, or restin' on their
tops; and all the time the sun shines
bright and pleasant down below in the
valley.
81 do declare, could Almost believe
the man stood in our back door when
he painted that picter!
1t is han some view and no mis-
take; but don't it seem pity to spend
so much money jest for picter, when
you could buy small farm-a I5ve pic
ter, as it were-for thousand dollars!i'
She sees much in our city to disap-
prove. Most of the so-called modern
improvements are denominations to Aunt
Bethia.
The electric light finds no favor in
her eyes.
GLOW must our Maker look on 't?''
she asks, Indignantly.
cit wouldn't be so bad if thew only
used it as they do gas, or kerosene lie;
but when they come to light up all out
doors with it, and make it take the
place o. the heavenly bodies-that $
what l call impious! nothin more nor
less than tryin' to Guido the Creator!
"When the moon and stars don't
shine, let folks walk in the dark, or else
carry lantern! " says she, whimsically.
The telephone she regards as an in
fernal machine, and insists that there is
something supernatural about it.
She has never been prevailed upon to
use it once.
II won't have anything to do with it
in any way nor SHAPED" says she. .Jest
as if any human invention could do what
that thing does!"
So she always keeps a safe distance
from it, as if it were liable to ego off,
at any moment or play some diaboIcal
trick upon her.
She does not approve of the Quincy
Method in our schools, and much pre-
fers to have the children learn their les
sons from their books and recite them
standing in nice straight line, with
their toes to g crack in the floor. She
would like more prominence given to
order and to the Ten Commandments;
and she sadly misses the dinner-bas-
kets and the WATERFALL and tin dipper.
She does not like the new version of
the Scriptures; her mothers Bible is
good enough for her; and she takes no
interest in the great controversy, except
to mourn that there should be such
wicked and disorderly goings-on in the
world.
She went to see the opera of "Pa-
tience," and her womanly soul was
shocked beyond repair at the conduct
Of the love-sick maidens; she felt per-
sonally Inundated and disgraced, and
sat there with burning cheeks, aot dar
ing to go, and too indignant to stay and
see it through.
Words were thrown away upon her.
"All the words in the English lam
guage,o she declared to us, T'couldn't
excuse or explain away such a
shameful exhibition such immodest
behavior on the part Of them Young
girls. The trollopes!'' said she, angri-
ly, 'where in the world were their
motherse Poor things, thought she
added, as an afterthought, ''perhaps
they hadn't any mothers; / can't be-
lieve they had.
Estheticism and the Renaissance. as
she understands them, are only delu-
sions of the adversary, invented to ruin
weak and idle souls who loiter in the
by-paths of life, and she believes the
only salvation for such is to 90 to t0ork.
LET 'em do something practical, y
she will say. eff they're so 'mazin'
fond o sunhowers let 'em 90 to raisin'
'em by the cart-loadl They're excel
lent chicken fodder, as everybody
knows, ! did see a whole acre on EN-
once all GROWN together; they was in
full blow, and looked GURUS enough
with their big round faces turned toward
the sun. Oscar Wilde says, you know,
that they resemble a lion; and they do
look about as wise and l1nowin'.n
There's nothin' like work for keep
in girls out of mischief" she is fond o.
saying.
"When our girls leave school let 'em
take right hold and help their mothers
with the homework and the plain sew
in and takin' care of the baby. and
then they won't be hankern' to paint
pots and jars or to embroider sage
green curtains and table-cloths. Though
why that color is called Saqe-green I
can't imagine; it certainly amt the
color of any sage that ever grew in ma
garden; and its unaccountable to me
that SO many folks nowadays prefer
such dirty, faded-out colors that you
can't look at without feelin' sick and
faint when there's plenty of pretty
bright ones that will VaSb and bile, as
it were
Aunt Bethia is a born nurse, and as
such is recommended by the "Holler''
folks with as much enthusiasm as their
own fayorite spring bitters or cough
remedy
She is indeed excellent in case o.
sickness, " and she comes at such times
like veritable angel of mercy, bring
ing With her her soft Voice and gentle,