Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1883-01-03
WIT AND HUMoR

WIT AND HUMoR
People Who do not object 10 fat
printers and legafecs.
The horse-trotting brave deserves the
agricultural fair.
A Baltimore editor can make . Euro
peal trip fur $3.50 per day.
What business has : bank cashier
lu2ging $4,000 around in . satchcl
after darke
Several mnrderers have been hung
la4sly who didn't believe they were
going strsight u Heaven.
"Wh9re do the hats go9" an exchanges
aska. Some Of them 70 to the the tier
and Obstruct the viuw Ut the audience.
An ent4rprising foundry-man has
named an economical stove be has in-
vented the '.Seni-c0al-'un."
When the p.ssterer 10 st work upon .
ceiling. il msy I've said that he under
stands his business.
"A ST. Louis horse ciiews tobacco. We
have often cen n fast driven horse
smoke.
Did Richard Ill. exclaim, ''Give me
another h0rse!'' because he was tired Of
the nightmare he had been riding?
The difference between . dandy and
= fat hog-one Is dressed to kill and the
other il killed to dress.
An engaged girl is happiest when she
Is telling about it to another girl who is
not engaged and is not likely to be.
A iirst-class bronze statue Of an cd,
tor can be had for $1,000. and every
city ought to have at least twenty in its
parks.
Where arc the men Of '76s" shrieks
IN excited exchange. Oh, to Halifax
with. the meE Of 76. Give US the women
Of %!
"All things come to the man who
waits" but . dime judiciously bestowed
on a restaurant waiter will hurry things
up . little.
Upon q writer claiming that his
works contained ''mueh food for
thought" a friend remarked: ''Tiiai
may he so; but it is wretciicdiy cooked
New York and Ohio people carry
horse-chestnuts in their pockets to ward
off rheumatism. 1t is more convenient
than TO hang a cabbage around the
neck.
You will wonder where all the dogs
In Georgia are until you dismount at
the gate Of planters house. Then
you will wonder il he owns all the dogs
In Georgia.
A distinguished naturalist says q bear
is ordinarily No more dangerous than u
woodchuck. That may all b. very true,
but in = square hug the bear is far more
tenacious.
Mrs. Darlington honorcd rs with y
and says she is like the windows of q
renovated house--all the old panes are
put Of her and the p%neumatics are
things ct the past
An oil producer was requestedt to give
a judgment note for = debt he owed,
but firmly refused, saying: mo. sir. |
will never sign \ judgment note. | did
1t once. and l come very near having
to pay it"
Perhaps the casual reader has never
sat down on a buzz saw and felt HIM
self gradually fading away. II so, he
doesn't know what it is to form the ac-
~qnaintaDce u = somnambulistic bulldog
in the prime Of life.
Jennie June signs for . scientific
dressmaker. What il it but science
that calls for t~wenty-eight yards OF
goods in . dress so tight that the wear
er cant draw q long breath without
hearing buttons Ay?
.Man." says Victor Hugo. "was the
conundrum Of the eighteenth century;
woman is the conunlrum of the nin--
teenth century," An American editor
adds: I'VE cant guess her. but will
never give her up-no, neyer"
I'm Shocked" aaid Mrs. Brown,
stepping into the pantry just in time to
catch Johnnie in the act Of hiding y jar
Of preserves beneath the folds Of his
Jacket: Eyes. johnnie. I'm shocked"
Eyes, ma" responded the Young
rogue, ~ laden jar is enough to give
anybody n shock"
How It Struck q HALF wi.ted Girl.
There were several persons in the
room when the minister called, n ol
whom WAS u very tAlKat!veiy- piouS oiu
lady. and another a half wi,ted young
Of course the old lady at once
entered into conversation with the min
ister, the half wittsd one sitting by, dis.
hevelling her hair. and now and then
~venturiny \ remark. The old woman
commenced in the usual way. by stating
her exceeding sinfuiness, and her con
scions need Of repentance. After Ia
menting at considerable length the evil:
that were tempting and the sins thai
we're besetting her she suddenly changed
the current of her words.
..But them" said she. "Mr. -, the
Lord is merciful. and knows u weak
ness. He has begun . good worl
with me; yes. He. has begun y gooe
work.
..Ahr!' said the half-witted girl, dis
continuing her employment for a mo
mcnt; ..Ahl He don't know what He
Undertook
OF purse the talk vas over, and tn
minister left the premises i~nstanter.