Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1883-12-08
Gales srro Sketfkts.
He HAS A HEAP OF TBoUBLE TRYING TO
CoSvERT An ISFIDEL BoY. AND GETS
MACLED.

peeked through the window from the out
side to see if any customers were in.
..Come in and let me look at those bruises
yon are carrying. Great heavens, how
did yon get that italic style on your nose,
and did the same blow blacken both eyes?'
and the groceryman laughed at the broke
up condition of the boy.
81, you laugh il You want TO, but when
you get walked all over by an infidel, and
have some teeth knocked down youI
throat. you won't laugh so much" ane
the boy poufed as murh as he could viii
his mnufh sweiled, and looked at the gro
Ger ~ though he would like u tip the
stove over.
What about an infidel You haven I
been fighting with the heather have you
Tell me all about it. because you are on
Your last legs. and confession is good foI
The soul. Reveal to me the cause OF thai
leaning tower Of Pisa nose. and that bic
iwet rolored eye" and the grocerynIan
wiuked nj a carpenter who came in 10 I'LL
his tobacco box.
..well, you see. one Of the boys belong.
ing to our gang Of widow helpers. his pa
l. AN iphdel. and he don't believe any
Thing. but he can saw more wood for
widows than any Of the boys. He is a
90 ID fellow only he does not go TO SUM-
d,y sch. ol, and don't believe there's any
God. or devil. or anything. He has made
Us boys tired more than six times, when
we have been saving wood, talking about
things that we believed in and that he
dldn't. lie said the idea that a whale
swallowed Jonah was all bosh. and Elijah
going up in a chariot of fire was all pop
av.r,thinn
weht M To deacon OF our church. Il reg
ular old ardshell, and told him about Il
boy. and asked him what ought to be done
about it, and he was mad at the infldel
bow, and said he ought to be scourged.
and we should smite him, and
beat him with many stripes. | asked the
deacon if it would be right for US good
boys to pile on the intidel boy and make
him believe things. if we had to choke
them down him and he said it would be
doing a service to humanity. and would
win for us everlasting fame and glory.
Well, here's your glory. Gaze on my
left handed nose and you can see the
fame. tell you, | don't take no more
Jobs converting infdels, | want to do
everything that is right. but hereafter, it
an intidel meets me on the sidewalk, !
shall 90 across the street, and let him
have the whole street. You see we got
the infdel boy up in the haymow of the
barn. and while the boys were talking to
him | slipped clothesine around his legs
and tied them, and then tied his arms,
and we had him so tight he couldn't
wiggle He tried to get away, but he
couldn't. and then | commenced on him
about Adam and Eve eating the apples.
At first he wouldn't believe anything, but
| choked him until he admitted that the
devil got them into the scrape. Then !
asked him il he believed that the Lord
cut "A spare rib out of Adam and took a
lot of dust and pultied il up and made
Eve, and set her up in the sun to dry.
The darned infidel kicked at that and
said he never would bel eve it, but | sat
down on his stomach and tickled his nose
with straw, and finally he caved, and
said he believed it, but he was mad, and
tried to chew the clothesline around his
arms to get away, but we held him tight.
Then tackled him on the children OF Is
rael walking through the sea without
getting their feet wet or catching cold,
and he said that was n blasted lie.
gave him two minutes to believe that.
and when the time had expired he said
he couldn't swallow il, SO took hold OF
his ears and tried to pin them together a,
the back of his head, and finally he
weakened and said the story did begin to
look reasonable, and he believed it. We
were getting along splendidly. and
thought what triumph it would be to
bring that boy into Sunday school. "a firm
believer. brand plucked from the burn
ing.
We took recess and played mumblety
peg. all except the intidel, for ten minutes
and then tackled him on Josbua's com
mandng the sun to stand still. and he
said that was all nonsense, that it couldn'
be done. and began to run timothy hay
and tickle grass up his trousers legs, and
finally he weakened and admitted that
Josh was all right on the sun scheme. He
kicked on solomon having thousand
wives and said he never would bel eve =
man could be such blasted fool. but
took hay rake and parted his hair in the
middle. and filled the inside of his un.
dershirt with oats. and when they began
to hurt him. he said the solomon story
WAS true. aud he even went so far as to
believe Solomon had twelve hundred
wives. so got him to believe two hun.
good for an intidel He wouldn't take
any stock in Jonah and the whale. unit
we buried him up in the hay and made
| him believe we were going to set the BARI
| on fire. when he said be belived tha
whales were used in those days to carry
passengers. and were fitted up with state
| rooms on the inside. Then | tack led hin
| on the Hebrew children being cast int,
| the fiery furnace. and not being scorche,
at all. but he said he would believe any
thing but that. so | put on my roller
| skates and began to walk on him. ano
| skate. and fail down on him. and he beg
| ged and said. come to think of it, tina
| fiery furnace story looked the most rea.
sonabe of the whole lot. Then though
he was getting to be converted
enough for one day, and / united tn,
| rope and let him loose. You wouldn'
| believe a boy could be SO base, but a
soon as he was loose all the good work
| had done on him seemed to be lost. ane
he became an intidel again in less than
minute. and scared the other boys dowr
stairs with pitchiork and cornered me
and knocked me down and walked on me
and before he got through with ME h.
made me swesr that didn't believe any
thinty in The Bible He was inst as uaa,