Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-10-17
PLEASANTRIES.

1dERE are S6V6u Tum O1SJlIoG16S In
the country, which makes 5000 gallons
a day. Punch, brothers, punch with
care.
The Harvard "annex" for women is
emlnently successful. An exchange
says too ladies out of class If FIVE have
become engaged to their teae hers.
SENATOR Bob HARE, the evangelist,
quoted as remarking that "people have
an idea that clergymen can live on air
and get fat chewing daylight. "-BoStoe
Globe.
TEACHER = "Defne the word exca-
vate. . "Scholar-"I It means to hollow
out. Teacher" Construct sentence
in which the word is properly used"
Scholar" The baby excavates when it
gets hurt"
"WHAT'RE you doing with that cigar,
you little rascal ?" exclaimed a father,
addressing his son. Ma said that if [
hit the cat agin she'd make me smoke,
an hit her agin an am smokin'."-
ArkansaW Traveller.
A YOUNG man who went to the late
war began his first letter to his sweet
heart after this fashion: "My dear
Julia-Whenever I am tempted to do
wrong I think Of you, and say, Get
thee behind me, Satan.'"
In Japan women do not conceal their
age, but make it known by certain styles
Of wearing their hair. When they do
not wear any hair at all, it is an indica-
ton that they are between forty years
of .-Roche8ter Po8t-E9pre8s.
"Do you ever gamble ?" she asked,
as they sat together, her hand held In
his. He replied, 3" No; but if I wanted
to now would be my time" How so ?"
" Because I hold a beautiful hand"
The engagement is ANNOUNCED. -Somer-
UiLLe Journal.
YES, it is very funny" said Mr..
Spriggs. "Why, was walking the
other day down Broadway, and a fellow
ought to have known me, too-a fell
low came up and slapped me on the
back, and says he, Why, suffering
Moses when did you get back p"
A COUPLE at Manchester were visited
Tuesday evening by lot of friends to
celebrate their tin wedding. The Nashua
Telegraph says "the surprise was IN
expected by them" which leads us to
think the celebration differs from sur
prises in general. -L0s0eH Courier.
"MY case is just here, said citizen
to q lawyer, few days ago. "The
plaintiff will swear that / hit him. I
will swear that I did not. Now what
can you lawyers make out of that if we
go to trial ?" Fifty dollars apiece" was
the prompt reply.-Ma8s. Ploetg1amaan.
A SMALL man always has enough to
bear, but his cross becomes exceedingly
heavy when the despicable salesman at
the clothing store, just after the small
man has got into his new Clothes cries
out to the accountant, so that every
body else can hear, Boys suit Mark
gonel"
THoMEBoDY theys that I litbp,"
chirped dizzy dude to a young lady;
"but I can't pertheve it. Can you,
NTH ?" st thould hethitate to they,
thir," sweetly chimed the belle. The
wretched youth toddled YEARLY away,
and got mildly drunk on thimbleful of
buttermilk.-N. Y Com.
WHENBNER a car wants to compli-
ment anybody very particularly royal
snuff-box is the invariable shape of the
gift. The box given to Admiral Bald
win is said to be ornamented with S15,-
900 worth of diamonds. AS thing to
deposit with ones "uncle," such a
snuff-box is not to be sneezed at.
A LITTLE daughter of severely ortho-
dox parents had an idea thst heaven was
q pretty straight-laeed sort of place,
and the other day aecosted her mother
as follows: Mamma, when die and
go to heaven, don't you suppose they'll
let me go down to hell on Saturday af-
ternoon 70 play Boston Times.
"PAPA, cs4't { go TO the store and
get me a Ii, ~ ,lres,- % s. Why, child,
you have got plenty of good dresses. f"
Sc Yes, papa, but they are out of style.
/" Nonsense, grill the trees always come
out in the same style every spring, don't
they?" "Yes, papa, and they always
look green, too. {" All right, go to the
store and get a dress.
CHINA has formally declared war
against France, and If your washing
comes home next Saturday night minus
q shirt or two or your best silk handker-
chiefs. YOU may know the missing arti-
cles have been shipped to the celes-
tial kingdom to assist in equipping the
army necessary to repel the frog-eating
invaders. Chicago Ne'0s.
HE'D been waltzlng with his hosts
ugly elder daughter, and was in corner
repairing damages. Here he was espied
by his would-be papa-in-law. "She is
the flower of my family, sir, ;" said the
latter, $50 it seems, answered the
young man. Pity she comes off so,
amt it ?'' he continued, as he essayeC
another vigorous rub at the white spots
on his coat sleeve.
SoENR--A small lawn on Seneca
Street. Time-Noou. Personages-A
parrot summing itself on porch beside
its open cage door, and strange dog
wandering on the lawn. The parrot
speaks first. "Sick Sick Sick
him +" The dog, with ears and tail
erect, looks about for something on
which to charge; he espies the parrot
and an exciting scene ensues. From
out of the confused mass of dog hair
ana parrot feathers comes the shrill cry:
+" Git out, you! Git out I" Dog breaks
for the street. Parrot, after looking at
LaroaIf from head IN foot UFay0lv Ax-