The Portland daily press., 1883-01-25
Initiated in Masonry.
The Bad Boy Gives His Father the Royal
Bumper Degree.
TPeck's SUM-

anythiDg?" asked the bad boy of the grocery
man as he went to the cinnamon bag on the
shelf and took out long stick of cinnamon
bark to chew.
"Why, yes, of course am; but what set you
to thinking of that?" asked the grocerymaD,
as he went to the desk and charged the boys
father with half pound of cinnamon.
swell, do the goats bunt when you nishiate
fresh candidate?'
"No, of course not The goats are cheap
ones thst have no life, and we muzzle them,
and put pillows over their heads, SO they can't
hurt anybody" says the groceryman, as he
winked at brother Odd Fellow who was seat
ed on sugar barrel, looking mysterious
but why do you ask?"
20, nuthn, only wish me and my chum
had muzzled our goat with pillow. Pa would
have enjoyed his becoming a member of our
lodge better. You see, pa had been telling us
how much good the Masons and Odd Fellers
did, and said we ought to try and grow up
good, so we could jine the lodges when we got
big, and asked pa if it would do any hurt for
US to have play lodge in my room and Iur-
tend to nishiate, and pa said it wouldn't do
any hurt. He said it would improve our minds
duu lohtn ub " 10 Iu6u. DO my Cluln anu me
borried goat that lives in livery stable and
carried him up to my room when pa and ma
was out riding, but the goat blatted SO we had
TO tie handkerchief around his ose, and his
feet made such noise on the floor thai we put
some oabys socks on his feet. Well, sir nv
chum and me practiced with that goat until
he could bunt picture of a Loaf every time
We borried a buck beer sign from a saloon
man and hung it on the back of chair, and
The goat would hit it every time. That night
n NH MA Aat,,
my room, and / told him we were playing
todge, and improving our minds, and pa said
that was right, there was nothing that did boys
of our age half SO much good as to initiate men,
and store by youthful knowledge. Then my
chum asked pa If he didn't want te come up
and take the grand bumper degree, and pa
laughed and said he didn't care if he did, lust
10 encourage us boys in innocent pastime that
was SO improving to our intellect. We had
shut the goat up in closet in m, room aud
he had got over his batting, so we took off the
handkerchief, and he was eating some of nv
paper collars and skate straps.
We Went up stairs and told pa to come up
pretty soon and give three distinct raps, and
when we asked him " no comes there he must
say "a Pilgrim who wants TO join your ancient
order aud ride the goal.' Ma wanted to come
up too but we told her if she came in il would
break mp the lodge, cause a woman couldn't
keep a secret, and we didn't have any side
saddle for the goat. Say, eff you never tried it,
the next time you nishiate "a man in your Ma
sons lodge, you sprinkle little kyan pepper
an the goats beard just before you turn him
loose. You can get three times as much fun
to the square inch of goat. You wouldn't
mink 1T was the same goat. Well, we got all
hxed and pa raped, and we let him in and
told him he must be bindfolded and he got
on his knees a lsffing, and 1 tied towel
around his eyes and then turned him around
and made him get down on his hands also, and
then his back was right toward the closet door,
and put the buck heer sign right against pas
clothes. He was q lafiug all the time, and
said we boys were full of fun as they made 'em,
and we told him it was a solemn occasion, that
we wouldn't permit no levity, and if he didn't
stop laffing we couldn't give him the grand
bumper degree. Then everything was ready
and my chum had his hand on the closet door.
and some kyan pepper in his other hand and
asked pa in low bass tones il he felt as though
he wanted to turn back or if he had nerve
enough to go ahead aud take the degree. 1
warned BIN that it was full of dangers, as the
goat was loaded for beer, and told him he vet
had time to retrace his steps, if he wanted to-
He said he wanted the whole business,
aud we could go on with the menae arie.
Tnen l said to pa that ii he decided to go ahead
and not blame us for the consequences, to re-
peat after me the following: Bring forth the
Royal Bumper, and let him bumpl Pa repeat
ed the words, and my chum sprinkled the ky
an pepper on the goats moustache, and he
sneezed once and looked sassy, and then he
saw the lager beer goat rearing up, and he
started for it just like a cow-catcher and
blatted. Pa is real fat, but he knew he had
got hit, and he grunted and said. 'Hell's firei
what are you boys doin'2 and then the goat
gavd him another degree, and he pulled off the
towel and got up and started for the stairs and
SO did the goat, and ma was at the bottom of
the stairs listening, and when 1 locked over
the Danisters pa and ma and the goat were all
IN heap, and pa was yelling murder, and ma
was screaming ire, and the goat was blatting
and sneezing, and bunting, and the hired girl
came into the hall and the goat took after her,
and she crossed herself just as the goat struck
her and said: 'Howly mother protect mel
and went down stairs the way we boys slide
down hill, with both hands on herself, and the
goat rared up and blatted, and pa and ma went
into their room and shut the door, and then
my chum and me opened the front door and
drove the goat out. The minister who comes
to see ma three times week, was just ringing
the bell, and the goat thought he wanted to be
nishlated, too, and gave him one for luck, and
then went down the sidewalk blasting and
sneezlng, and the minister came in the parlor
and said he was stabbed, and then pa came ont
of his room with his suspenders hanging down
and as he didn't know the minister was there
he said cuss words, and ma cried and told pa he
would go to hell sure, and pa said he didn't
care he would kill that cussid goat afore he
went, and told pa the minister was in the
parlor, and he and ma went down and said the
weather was propitious for revival, and it
seemed as though an outpouring of the spirit
was about to De vouchsafed to his people, and
none of them sat down but ma, cause the goat
didn't hit her, and while they was talkin' re-
ligion with their mouths and cussing the goat
inwardly, my chum and me adjourned the
lodge, and | went and stayed with him all
night, and l hain't been home since; but /
don't believe pa will lick me, cause he said he
would not hold MS responsible for the conse-
quence He ordered the goat himself, and we
filled the order, don't you SET? Well, 1 guess
VIII go and sneak in the back way aud tiud
out from the hired girl how the land lays She
won't go back on me, cause the goat was not
loaded for hired girls She just happened to
get in AT the wrong time. Good-by sir. Re-
member and give your goat kyan pepper. in
your LODGE
AS the boy went away. and skipped over the
back fence, the grocery man said to his BROTH
er Odd Fellow, "If that boy don't beat tn. dew
IL, Then never saw one that did. The old
man ought to have hun sent to the reform