Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1883-08-02
THE HAwKEYE PLEASANTRIES.
BY ROBERT j. BURDErrE.

/ The youngest boy preacher" in
this country is now about forty-one
years old. Isn't il about time To set
another batch before the present stock
of boy evangeliStS mature.
One-fourth of all the pineapples mn
ported in the United States 90 to Phil
adelphia. A pineapple tastes good to
your nose. but it couldn't be much
more indigestible if il was made of
hickory.
Bismark may give the american
hog the cold shoulder now, but he
Will be glad to take ii in next Christ
mas The American egg-nog, that is
That fits a little rough, but YOU can't
make a smooth Joke ON such bristly
subject.
General Beauregard SAYS he observes
with grief "A gradual decline in the
negro race, All. yes: they decline
To invest in the Louisiana lottery.
Perhaps the general may have
obseryeda similar decline in the post
office department
What books shall We take away
for the SUMMER" asked THE Philadel-
phia Bulletin. If you're going to
Newport or Long Branch, Francis.
we would suggest that you take a
pocket book one about three feet
long and twenty-eight inches wide
Will last YOU a whole week.
a New York man compiled one
thousand samples of poetry from an
autograp album. Unless he receives
$4,000 he threatens To publish them
Here; Well have to borrow the mon
ey, but Wen head that subscription
with $500 The wretch may hove a
stan2a' p of our own.
4. d. Davis and Rose Kennedy
We're married in balloon. at Cleve-
land, Ohio, on the eth of July. Oh
well, that all right Its well enough
to stay up among the clouds for a lit.
tie while when one is married, but we
can tell the Davis family they win
have to come down TO the ground and
scratch, if they want anything for
dinner.
\ crazy man went into a New York
restaurant last Monday. ordered
most expensive dinner, and when it
was served refused to touch it or pay
for 1t, saying that the devil had in
structed him not TO eat the food The
man may be crazy, but all the same
he should be grateful to his satanic
majesty as one of his best friends.
Now. it would be more in accord with
the devils reputation, to induce a
man to board at New York restau-
rant
William Musselwhite, Of Savan-
nah, Georgia was bitten by rattle
snake. AT once the snakes head was
cut off and bound upon the wound,
and then Mr. Musselwhite ate a
pound of tobacco and drank a quart
of whisky. 1t was a blessed thing for
the snake that it was killed before
being tied upon Mr.. Musselwhte's
leg, after that feast. The snake was
saved terrible and lingering death
by delirium tremens and sea sick
ness.
THE fact is" said Dr. Weston.
chatting with the Jester a few days
ago, that we speak better English
and more of il in America, than they
do in England In America, where
ever you go, from Maine to Texas and
California wherever you find an
American, you can converse with him,
readily, without the least difficulty in
understanding him. He may use slang
freely; often too freely; he may speak
with an utter disregard of grammatic- F..
al construction, but you know what
be says and what he means, and I
a graduate OF Harvard, and miner in
.he mountains can carry on a CONVEX
,ation without difficulty. The miner
may have some difficulty at times, in
understanding some of collegians SEN I
ences, but the graduate has no such .
rouble. and he can talk down to his .
comprehension, if he will. I
But in England an Englishman may .
90 into certain localities, where he .
.either understands the English spok-
N by Englishmen, native-boru like .
nor make himself understood .
" them We have nothing in Amer (
"a to correspond with certain unintel-
igible dialects spoken in England by .
So / say that as nation,
he Americans speak better English (
han do the English people. -Burling
ON Ia Hawkeve