Milford chronicle., 1883-04-20
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER.
No Harmony Thcre-A Premature Decision
Entirely TOO GOOd-DefrOit Confidence
"A Telegrnphic Joke, Etc., Etc.
A HOME THRUST.

HOME THRUST.
''Pa, wish you would buy me little
pony"
81 haven't got any money to buy a
pony, my son. You should go to schoo
regularly, my son, study hard, and be-
come smart man, and some of these
days, when you grow up, you will have
money of your own to buy ponies with. >
"Then, I suppose, pa, you didn't
study much when you were a little boy
like me, or else you would have money
now to buy ponies with, wouldn't you,
pa ?"-T Teras SiftiRgs
THE SPARE BED.
A well-known bishop, eminent in his
position and in personal dignity, during
the exercise of his official duties was once
quartered upon the wealthiest resident of
a certain village, whose wife CHANGED to
be away from home. The bishop, with
grim humor, frequently complains at be-
ing put into the spare room, which is
opened especially for him and the en-
couragement of rheumatism. He is
wilhal a slim man, and on this occasion,
when the host inquired how he had slept,
and hoped he had passed an agreeable
night, he answered, with some vehe-
mence, "No, did not; l passed very
disagreeable night indeed"
mi. Is.I,,, o.,1 rrFl,ou fhn
wife Of his host returned, she naturally
inquired who had been to the house in
her absence.
bishop p" said the husband
"Bishop P-l'' exclaimed the good
woman. "And where did you put him
to sleep?"
'In the spare bed, of course.
''In the spare bedr" shrieHed the hor
rified matron. "Why, put all the sill
verware under the mattress before /
went away"
A TELEGRAPH JOKE.
A well-to-do young man recently mar
ried and started West on his bridal tour.
The happy young couple were break
fasting at a station eating-house Dur
ing the repast two smart Alecks came
INTO the dining-room and seated them
selves opposite the contracting parties.
They we're telegraph operators. By
lelicate poising of their knife and fork
hey were able to make sounds in close
of telegraphy. In the mystic
of the key one said unto the
,ther:
CANT she daisy, though p
The party thus addressed replied by
licking off;
Wouldn't like to hug and kiss her,
he little fat angelo"
"Wonder who that old bloat is that
he has married ?"
"Some gorgeous grange, 1 reckon I"
eplied the other.
The groom stood it until forbearance
eased to be a virtue, when he also {
alanced his knife, and click, click, it I
-ent, in rapid succession, Itwas inteli-
ible to the cute twain that had recently ,
lade fun of its author. When inter
reted it read: a
"DEAR SIRs: / am superintendent OF {
be telegraph line upon which you work.
on will please send your time to head
uarters and resign your respective posi-
ons at once. Yours, Superintendent OF
telegraph. "-LOweU Courier. !
JUST LIKE THE DOORS.
Landlord to tenaut)-"G Good morning; c
r; fine day, sir; just called round to see J
it would be convenient for you to settle b
our quarters rent, sir. Tenant Did, |
b.? Do you know, landlord, that none
I the doors in this house will shut? ?"
andlord-"New horse, sir; new house, t
OH know; takes time to settle, sir. " I
then there's a pair Of us. Il
m a new tenant; it takes time for me o
, settle, too. Good morning. Call {
gain. The J,tdge. f
ENTIRE CONFIDENCE. a
The other neon as the owner of a pea G
ut stand at the Central Market, in De
.oit, says the Free Press, was making r
lady to go to dinner he called to the boy n
no was acting as his clerk {
" Henry. see here" d
"Yes, sir. I
81 am going to dinner, and you will be i
# in charge here for an hour.
eyes, sir"
81 have unbounded confidence in you,
ut I've taken all the change from the d
II except then cents" il
can right
"And while your honesty is above c
lestion, have also taken care to
easure the peanuts. There are just six Ii
aarts on the table. e
Eyes, sir
"And while l may say at the risk of
altering you that would trust you n
ith every dollar 1 have, It's my duty to s
arm you that 1 have asked the popcorn S
an over there to keep an eye on you
i'd see that you do not run of with the b
,aster." n
eyes, sir. ii
always be honest and upright,
enry, and may as well say right here Il
iat shall count the peanuts upon my a
turn and in that why discover if you d
ave eaten any. Now then assume h
lsiness air and take charge