The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1883-12-06
ETC, ETc.. nro'
from Carl prctzel = WEEKLY ]

from Carl Pretzel = WfcklyJ
Wild oats are never injured Ivy tho
frost.
Doors are held together by bolts.
Political parties are split by them.
THE poor people OF the East are fond
Of fish. They have shads for dinner
and shadows for supper.
WHEN q girl loves an honest, sensible
man she loves wisely; when she cass
her affections on a dude she loves well.
E,EnY woman since Eve has been
weighed in the balance and found
wanting. In fact they are always
found that way.
THERE are $1,000 burglars in
this country including the 10000
lawyers. This is not very funny;
facts are rarely that way.
IT is always those who remain away
from conventions and polls who shout
loudcst and strongest about corruption,
incompetency and rascalty.
THERE'S girl TINT lives over the slough.
And shes rich. though she's not very fair.
And she kicks with number ak shoe,
And she wears bandolinc on her hair.
Oh, how sweet to treat
Are her fathers big faet
Can politely request me to leave.
For Ill think at thc shock
Ill been struck by rock
such az only an earthquake could hcavc.
IT is common thing these days for
ministers to preach from common
place texts There are a great many
Of what the world call sensational
preachers in the country now. It is
no uncommon thing to hear Of o sermon
on base ball, stealing as fine art, is it
right to pad, or an opinion on lung
protectors, or the last scandal. Verify
we progress. It is a grand thing to
study ordinary things from theological
stand points.
From Texas Siftincsl
The fattest man in Virginia is .
hotel keeper, but he boards up town ut
restaurant.
THE Brooklyn Eagle inquiries il
French name improves American wine?
No, but it adds several dollars to the
price.
THERE is q lawyer for every 700 pco-
pie In the United States, and the game
is to involve as many Of these 100 in
litigation as possible.
A wILD-EyEp poet sings:
The muses. kiss with lips Of flame!
And we hastily come to the rescue with
the mild suggestion:
The topper smells with nosc-the same.
WELL, SIR" said the Police Judge,
addressing man with rcd eyes and
hair blown seaward by the last nights
breeze, "can you tell straight story
this morning?" u think / can," an
swered the prisoner, "'tis plain, IN
| vanished drunk"
The New Orleans Picayunc says
that "the man who cannot change his
mind makes no progress He doesn't?
You just look at tramp going over q
garden wall as advance agent of bull
dog. He doesn change his mind. His
mind changes him.
TALMAGE says that there are some
souls 50 small--so infinitesimal that
fifty Of them could waltz on the point
/ of a cambria needle without touching.
That's all Talmage knows about waltz
ing. This waltzing without touching
is good deal like eating thin soup
with . toothpick.
From the Williamsport Grit.l
IrALIc is the positive case Of print
shop.
HARD work will kill man; but it is
a very rare disease.
WHEN you find man so deeply in
tercsted in you that he will sell you q
5000 lottery ticket for $50 don't in
vest. 1t is wrong to take advantage OF
mans generosity.
4 WILLIAMSBURG doctor had knife
run through his skull penetrating the
eye and coming out at the back and
yet he lives. He is certain it ia his
skull for he paid an old grave digger
% cents for it.
Brown remarked, when he read the
announcement that seaman had been
washed overheard, that he didn't see
why the papers all wanted to tell about
it. He couldn't see what difference il
made where they washed him.