davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

NAMES chief title to distinction has
heretofore been her prohibition law, the
Plumed Knight and Then Steers" of
SolOn Chase's. Her Legislature and Gov
ernor have given her, however, new
claim to the country's consideration by the
ones passing and the others approving
bill whose ambiguous wording makes it one
of the wonders of the world, greater than
the famed seven or any others. The law is
entitled San Act for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Animals" The last section,
which stands as Interpreter to the whole
act, is as follows:
Section 10. In this act, and In every other
law OF this State passed relating to or affecting
animals, the masculine shall include the femi.
nine, the singular shall include the plural, ne
7roTd animal shall be htid 10 include egery Hiring
cftdtufe, and the word owner or persons shall
be held TO Include corporations as we'll as in .
dlviduals.
That men, women and children are "liv-
ing creatures" the courts will hold Sec
tion of the act provides that all Giving
creatures" Coming into the State on the
same or connecting lines, which have been
loaded ten hours or more, shall be un-
loaded, comfortably yarded, and in cold
inclement weather, comfortably sheltered
ard shall be furnished with sufficient
quantity of proper food and good water
OF course this, under the Interpretation of
section 10, applies to human beings as we'll
as to dumb, driven brutes." The railroad
companies will hereafter have to
furnish such accommodations for pas
sengers who have been travelling
for ten hours or more as will properly aud
fairly comennder the heads of " comfort
ably yarded," comfortably sheltered"
proper food and good water" This latter
will doubtless be better than the fluids dis
pensed at the 400 and odd liquor establish
ments which do a Homshing business with
the thirsty sons of the Prohibition State.
Still these features of this new law arc
not the ones which entitle it to rank as the
latest worlds wonder. The provisions of
section l3 are the Oncs. which justify the
Pine Tree State in appropriating the cara.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

THE Posi-, this morning in speaking of
the removal of the Washington relics from
the Patent Office to the National Museum,
makes the Father of His Country wear
pants" The first in war, &c. did moth
ing of the kind. He wore breeches. He
didn't even wear trousers, let alone panta-
looms, which we suppose the Post means by
that uncouth and inelegent barbarism,
pants" "Gents" wear "pants." Gen
tlemen of to-day wear pantaloons or
trousers; of Washington's day, breeches.
But "pantsw Oh, no! George was not a
gent by which we understand kind of
german-silver imitation of the sterling
gentleman. We may add that George
hardly wore vest but rather attired
himself in waistcoat.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

JOHN NEIHoFF, an inmate of the Wart-
burg Home for the Aged and Infrm, New
York City, furnishes an awful example to
temperance lecturers. He is 105 years old,
was wounded and permanently famed in
the war growing out of the French revolu-
tion, has always drank spirituous liquors
"a little" and now takes his daily glass of
Holland gin, and is and has been all his
life an inveterate smoker of tobacco. Yet
this aged man in his youth served six years
in the army being IS when he entered
and later, when Bonaparte retreated from
Russia, he again entered the army, serving
three years, his last battle being Waterloo
The old man worked as gardener until he
had reached 30. 1t is now feared that unless
he gives up the use of gin and tobacco he
will not last much longer
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

II HAS passed into a proverb that it is
lots of fnn to hunt bear, but when the bear
hunts you it is no fun. A dispatch from
Marshall, Texas, tells Of q queerer hunting
episode than the reversed bear hunt. 1t is
to the effect that
6.year-old boy chased tarantula with q
tishing.pole for weapon. The Insect tired OF
the sport and -segan to chase the boy. 1t
fastened It's fangs in his right hand, and In q
few hours the boy was dead.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

With this one exception James) no strict
business man has been Postmaster,General
for many years. HAddellhia Times.
Yes, James was truly business Post
MASTER General. He feathered his nest
very comfortably, anu all the world knows
that that's business By transferring
some 100000 from the Treasury to the
overfowing Golfers of Vanderbilt, this
business Postmaster.General succeeded
in bagging bank presidency at $4,000 a
year. A profitable arrangement for Van
derbilt and James; but rough on the
neople.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

ALL our exchanges are singing in
chorus
"Whoop 10 Qnde and dudeln
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

THE city authorities might we'll take lesson
from Washington. count of the money anu
bonds in the United States Treasury, amount
ing to nearly half a billion dollars, shows an
excess of three cents in favor OF the Treasurer.
The municipal authorities allowed S14S,OOO
10 be iraudulently taken from thelrcOmpara'
lively small store without discovering the loss
until nearly four years after the leak began.
--N6ic York Tribune.
And yet that eminent New York re-
former, Wood Pulp Miller, voted to reform
the civil service of the United States. Re-
form, like charity, should begin at home.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21
NJ. A. DAUPIiIN,
New Orleans. La,

N.B.-In the Extraordinary Semi Annual Draw
Ing ofnext June the Capital Prize will he sl50OOO.
NJ B.--Ord addressed 10 Net0 Orleans iuil
receive prompt attention. was
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21
SPECIAL NOTICES.

esx4 no, FOR GREAT FALLS AND CABIN
h<S JOHN BRIDGE.-Steam Packet Excel
sior will make her trip SUNDAY, Aprtl %, to
the Falls and Cabin John Bridge. Boat leaves
Congress street canal at s a. m. aprla-3tp
ss-ssH GOVERNOR JOHN p. ST. JOHN, OF
Ssg Kansas. will lecture under the auspices Of
the Womans Christian Temperance Union, at
Congregational Church, 10th and G SITS. II. W.,
FRIDAY, April q, at s p. m. admission, 25
cents. Tickets for sale at Temple Hotel. 606 9th
ST. n. W. Reserved seats ut Ellis, 25 cents extra
npr17.Gt
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21
Commissioners.

Incorporated In 1865 for 25 years by the Legisla-
ture for Educational and Charitable purposes
with q capital of 81 eco 0OO-to which a reserve
iupG o or @ nonHa entaa
was made q part of the present State Constitu-
ton adopted December I'd, A. ID. 1879.
Tie only Lottery eUer Voted on and fndorSed Oy
The people Of any State.
~ ,spsr ec1Les or ynsfooUes
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21
]. ROCHON,

No. $50 IT st,, Dot bth anu
9th SITS. N. W.,
First. class Hair Dresser.
LANGTRY style done to per-
fection. Also hair cut and
dressed in best manner and
colOred in auburn shade. Im-
ported Hairs OF all kinds con.
stantly on hand. mi
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21
ADJUSTMENTS.
N--N04s4slse '----s'--~
NvATIoNAL THEATRE. COMIC OPERA.
THIS SATURDAY. EVENING,
Last Time of Miss
CATHERINE LEWIS,
And her Company of Fifty Artists in Audrans
Masterpiece,
OLIVETTE,

Next Week,-Engagemen of the Great
HERRNG AN N
Assisted by the Beautiful and Accomplished
MILE ADDIE,
And his star Novelties, under the management
of w. II. MORTON.
First appearance Of
JOhn. THE TILBS Louisa,
Who III introduce their Splendid Royal Mar
lOnettes, In the Fairy Pantomines Beauty and the
Beast introducing The Animated Skeleton and
the Magic Turk. Making complete entertain.
ment in miniature. The most wonderful perfor-
nance ever witnessed.
The Great Soprano.
MISS uILDA THOMAS.
WHO has Just returned TO this country after
most successful engagement of five years with
Her Maieety's Opera, Covent Garden, London.
The Wonder of the 10Th Century, the Famous
Japanese
PRINCE AWATA KATSUOSHIN,
Who has created a perfect furore all over the
world in his renowned Balancing Juggling.
Herrmann's Great Mystery.
THE WONDERFUL SPIRIT CABINET
Introducing the Celebrated English Mediums
MISS HOWELL AND DARWIN.
. Who Will produce startling spiritual manifesto
tions by Gasllght, Every opportunity will be
sleigbt of hand performance, but an illustration OF
their religion. Philosophers Mystiied, Scientists
Astonished, Clergymen Amazed. Scholars Dumb
founded. Investigate and believe your ewes.
EoRD's. NEXT MONDAY, APRIL %.
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21

Application for rates TO clubs should be made
only TO the office OF the Company In New Or
For further information write clearly, giving
full address, Send orders by Express, Registered
Letter or Money order, addressed only to
The Evening critic., 1883-04-21
STEAMBOAT COMPANY.
DAILY LINE TO NORFOLK

Eiseman Bros, popular clothiers aud
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
No. 80.

nation. I wish you could see him
on the stage. He is just splendid,
he is"
looked at him mournfully and
says l, ''It's sad very sad. / never
knew natural orator tc be any ac-
count. l was natural orator and
it ruined me. I've never been any
account. / t.ok a pewter medal
when | was young and Eve never
gotten over it. 1t was for speaking
a speech. ! thought then that 1
had whipped the battle of life and
there were no more worlds to con-
quer, but I've had to fight on ever
since and my medal dident do me
any good. 1 wish you would guard
your boy against medals and being
a natural orator. There is but one
remedy for natural orator and
that is to marry rich and settle
down and wait for invitations to
make speeches at college COM
mencements. They are right useful
that way. Some times they do
right well considering. 1 knew
natural orator to get elected to the
legislature and pretty girl in the
gallery saw him as he was naturally
oratoring and fell in love with him
and he married her and she was
rich and they are getting along
first rate and now he gets call
every other day to speak at some
college and he accepts EN- all and
goes to none, but its all the same'to
him for he gets his name in the
papers and that's enough. But he
is an exception for luck and the
boys who are natural orators need
ent presume on his good fortune.
I don't know but one place for
boys and that is work. Put em to
work and keep EN- at it, for idleness
is the parents of all vice. Don't
map out any particular trade or
calling, but keep EN- at work and it
will map out itself. Habits make
up life. Life is a bundle Of habits
and if a boy has a habit of work he
is all right. Bill ARP.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
gafsesIIansous.
BOYS AND GIRLs.
BILL ARP GETS TANGLED UP IN AN
INTERESTING SUBJECT.
Atlanta Constitution.

Atlanta Constitution.
We went to another picnic the
other day and had glorions time.
It was on lawn in a beautiful
grove close by a big spring and
long table was spread and we
feasted on bright eyes and fried
chicken and jelly cake and happy
faces and ice cream and sweet,
smiles and merry laughter and
lemonade all mixed up together,
and we stayed till most midnight
and heard the Calliopean club 60
through their exercises of music
and reading and composition, and
then drove home by moonlight and
I think Mrs. Arp is o little younger
and prettier than ever and is renew.
ing her youth in consequence. I
never saw the like. Our people are
getting hilarious and are frolicking
more this spring than usual. This
makes three naborhood picnics in a
little while and they are fixing up
for another and my wife is getting
ready. We have got her out of the
chimney corner and it looks like
we will never get her back again.
Mr.. Gibbons says he to me, Did you
ever see such crop Of girls as we
have got a growing in the country?
Well, says I, l reckon the boys are
at home, at work. No sir, says he,
there amt hardly any boys any
where. I've counted em up in this
naborhood and there are about
two girls to one boy and what is
worse the girls are the smartest and
have got the best education.
Well there is reason for every
thing and cause for every effect, but
/ don't know why there are more
girls than boys, and l wish some
body would tell me. Some folks
say it is sign of peace. The girls
are the smartest, I know, for they
have had most education. Before
the war the boys were put forward
and the girls kept in the background,
but now the boys have to work and
so the girls are sent to school and
to college and the boys have to help
to pay for it. That is the reason
why the girls are the smartest, and
my fear is that they are little too
smart and won't marry these young
fellows who can't quote a little
poetry and don't no whether Byron
wrote Shakespeare Or Shakespeare
wrote Byron. But I reckon they
will sooner or later. Mrs. Arp says
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26

THE shark was mighty nigh by
this time, and as / drew my feet
out of the water, he shot right un-
der me and bruised my foot with
his fin.
Captain Luce didn't say moth
in when we got his child aboard,
but he was just like one dazed.
His wife took him below and that
night he was lyin' in his bunk with
a fever and ravin' for his child.
"The mate took charge of the
ship. We were close to Cape
Town, and we put in for a doctor.
.'We lay there two weeks afore
Captain Luce was himself again.
He was like another man the rest of
the voyage, peaceable-like and
meek as q Quaker.
"After we'd got to Boston and
laid the ship up by Long Wharf,
and I was a-goin' ashore, he called
me to come aft. His child was
sittin' on his knee and playin' with
his watch.
"Bill," said he, q amt said moth
in to you about how you risked
your life for my child, but I amt
one of them folks who forget such a
thing as that. 1 want to do the
right thing by you, although I
could never-pay back the great
debt I owe to you. What can do
for you?"
Captain Luce" says L., "you
don't need to worry yourself about
it. I did my duty, and I'd do it
again for such a trim little gal as
that
"No," says he, I amt satisfied to
leaxe it in that way
"Well," says I, s:if it'll make you
feel better, then I don't mind if you
let me have the glass we got out of
the French bark. It'll serve to
make me remember little Ella
"It's yourn," says he.
"And so, lads, that's the way I
came to have that ere spy-glass.'
Youths Companion.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
geIseten Storn.
THE Old SPY-GLASS.

= Uncle Silas had rickety, old
fashioned spy-glass that he kept in
the sail loft on the end of decaying
wharf, where he stored the spars
and sails of his boats in winter
time. The loft was warmed by a
rusty, drum-shaped, sheet iron stove.
There were no chairs in it, only one
or two benches. Uncle generally
sat on the floor when he was patch
ing the sails.
For a thimble he used what sail
ors call palm, which is a leathern
band, with central piece of steel
punctured like a thimble. With
this he pressed the large spike-like
needle through the heavy canvass.
There was always a number of
old sea Captains or fishermen or
sea-loving lads Willing away the
time in Uncle Sis sail loft, telling
their experience or listening to
stories Of the sea. Or they would
talk about their favorite ships, or
look out Of square-shaped win
dow, shaped like port-hole, at the
vessels gliding into the harbor.
They often used the old rickety
spy-glass, which threatened to fall
to pieces every time it was taken
up, but the glass was Uncle Sis
delight. He priced it as the apple
of his eye. To say anything against
that spy-glass was to start him into
a long discussion, which went to
show that he was behind the times.
For be always insisted that all the
improvements Of later science had
failed to make improvements in
telescopes that would eclipse his
cherished old telescope.
But nothing could induce him to
tell how the glass came into his
possession.
We knew that he had had many
adventures, like every man who has
been to sea and surmised that there
was something peculiar attending
his right to the old spy-glass, al,
though no one who knew Uncle ST
ever expected that there was any.
thing discreditable to him in hay-
ing it.
But one day, it happened that
the death was reported in the sail
loft of a well-known ship-master,
Captain Luce.
':1s Captain Luce dead, then?''
exclaimed Uncle ST. "Well, that
reminds me that he knew as much
about that spy-glass as I do
Every one at once gave attention,
for we seemed on the eve of learn
ing the story of the old telescope.
':Not that it's so much of yarn,
either" said the old skipper; :.but
1 just remember the v'yage I took
with him. He knew his business,
it's fact, but he made us toe the
mark, I tell You, and wouldn't
stand no loafng nor impudence.
'We had good run out to Cal.
cutta, and nothing special to note.
But on the way, home we met a
hurricane near Mauritius. The ship
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
CARRYING TAcoNTRAcT.
SUICIDE AND REMARKABLE STATEMENT OF
AN UNKNOWN YOUNG MAN IN IOWA.

The st. Louis Post-Dispatch Of
June 6 publishes the account of a
suicide Of a young man who gave
his name as Rufus q. Eaton. He
blew out his brains at Delhi, Iowa,
the night before. There was moth
ing on the body to indentify it save
the following remarkable letter,
without date or signature:
81 am going to take my own life,
having made up my mind to do so
more than year ago. Although
I do not think that anybody cares
a pin about my reasons, yet it will
give me some satisfaction to state
them, and anybody who finds this
paper need not read it if he does
not wish to do so. I am q years
of age, lawyer by profession, but
not very much SO, as far as practice
is concerned. I was born in Bal
timore, and I suppose that is more
my home than anywhere else, al.
though I have travelled all the way
from Denver to New Orleans. I
have always been an unlucky devil,
and the only thing that has kept
me from suicide long ago was the
lingering fear that there might be
a hereafter. I have arrived at the
conclusion, however, that there is
not anything worse than I have
gone through, and I'll chance the
future state. But I'll not preach.
Two years ago met a young lady.
It don't matter where, nor what
her name was. She was pretty.
I was as usual, q fool. I had the
education of a gentleman, but not
the means to live up to my desire
I had run through considerable
money, and. had not the industry
to make livelihood at my calling,
Well, of course, I fell over head
and ears in love with this girl.
She liked me, I think, but she had
sense, and she never let her senti.
ment run away with her prospects.
I drank some, and gambled some,
and was as wild as a young fellow
usually is. Though l generally
wore good clothes, my pocketbook
was usually very fat. Well, when
her parents saw that my visits to
the daughter we're growing fre-
quent, they Immediately interfered.
You know my child has been ten.
derly raised said her father, and
she cannot marry a man who can
not properly support her. l like
you, bat you see how it is. A
man should not marry unless he
can properly support bis wife,
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
JOB PRKv.TENG

The mother was just as stern, aud
the daughter was persuaded to fall
in with their plans. I have laugh
ed many q time at fellow who
was fool enough to kill himself for
girl, but that was before I was
in love myself. I see it all now.
But love stories have been told so
often that there is title interest in
them. The girl Tilted me. The
last time I saw her she cried little,
and even let me put my arm around
her waist. She loved me, she said
but her parents wanted her to mar
ry a middle-aged gentleman and
she could not disobey If she had
told the truth she would have said
that she loved the middle-aged
gentleman's carriage and pair and
his bank account better than she
did me, and much better than she
did him. I begged and pleaded,
and got the same answer all the
time. You know what I did then.
I went 20 drinking harder than
ever. I became a nuisance, if I
had not been before. One day I
was talking over matters with a
friend of mine named Jim Ander-
son, who always had more money
and sense than I had. I told Jim
I was going to kill myself. He
laughed and sneered. I'll tell you
what I'll do I said. I'll insure
my life for $4,000. in different
companies, and make the policies
over to you. You pay me $500
a year for two years, let me have
little hurrah for that time, and
when it's over I'll agree to Kill
myself and you will get the money.
In that way you make $4,000,
and I have some fun Jim laughed,
but I insisted and finally we drew
up an agreement to that effect. |
got out policies in the different
life insurance companies. He
holds them and the agreement
He paid me $500 q month during
the last fifteen months, although
I don't believe that he ever thought
Of holding me to the agreement.
But he was of q speculative turn of
mind anyhow, and although he
hardly believed 1 would.ki myself,
he knew that if I had the money I
would soon drink myself to death,
and he was willing to take the
chances. The time is not up yet,
but guess TIL let him make the
extra money. He'll be surprised
and not at all sorry. Nobody else
cares, for the girl ] mentioned has
since married the bank account,
the carriage and the middle.agsd
gentleman. This is no case of tenn.
porary insanity. I have as much
sense as anybody. / made a con-
tract, and I'm carrying it out
Bury me wherever you ike.
There is s35 in my vest pocket,
and that win pay expenses and my
bill SO far"
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26

A copy of the Great Industries OF the
United States, large So book, will be
given for two names to the HERALD, if
accompanied by 81. Only two subscri-
bers. Four dollars in subscriptions,
and five in a book. tt.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26

All subscribers to the HERALD are
ivnited to ask for and receive copy of
Kendall's Treatise on the Horse. A
very valuable book which we intend to
distribute free. tt.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
DOetrp.
THE DUDE.

Who strolls the Ave. each afternoon;
Who whistles airs all out of tune;
And dons short coats cut quite too "soon?"
The Dude.
Observe his form. You can't or he
Wear pants as tight as tight can be-
(And pants for notoriety),
The Dude.
Who's stiff as statue cut in wood;
Can't bend, and wouldn't if be could,
a sort Of nothing 'twixt the bad and good ?
The Dude.
Who wears his hair all ncs and banged;
And says "By Jove, tina. Mrs. Langt-
Ry's chawmiug quite, or I'll be hanged?'
The Dude.
Who drives tandem through the park;
Says, "Life's aw, such jolly lark"
perhaps the Dudes the long sought
''Snark?'')
The Dude.
Who goes to all receptions, teas;
Who smirks smile at friends he sees,
And, for his health, sips sangarees?
The Dude.
Who dresses in the latest style;
Declares "The weathaw's thimply Vile;"
And lisps some dainty swear, the while2
The Dude
Who's neither fool, nor knave, nor sage,
This funny speck on natures page
Conundrum of the modern age?
The Dude.
Who, then, can work the puzzle through
Tell what it's for-what it can do?
Guess what it is, I'll give it to you.
The Dude.
II. N, in Acta Columbiana.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
A FALSE OPPRESSION.

A Detroiter who was taking a
newly arrived Englishman around
town the other day happened to pass
a carpenter shop, and the English
man remarked that he had always
heard that American workman were
rather sloyenly and careless.
I'VE will go in and see,'' was the
reply, and they entered and sat
down to wait for the boss. The
carpenter was using his brace and
bit to bore holes in a frame ofsome
sort, and after each hole was bored
he had to insert a wooden wedge.
When he had bored a hole he would
walk off two minutes. After
whiting out each wedge he would
turn and place his knife on shelf,
and every time he wanted his ham.
mer it was on the bench six feet
away.
3 "Ah! I find l was sadly mis-.
TAKEN" said the Englishman, as they
finally departed. why, that man
had as much order and system as
any workman I ever saw in England.
He must have occupied four-ffths
Of his time walking back and forth
for and with his Tools"
'Yes, he was working by the day.
you see!" explained the citizen as
they walked on.-Detroa Free Press.
f.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1883-07-26
A trial OF TIE BALTTMORE JOBBER

WILL CLEARLY SUBSTAhlsTE SIX ESRGkl POINTS OF EXCELLENCE,
@ the easiest made 2d strong
durable 4hl will
5It viii take keep repair than