The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-07-19
WIT AND HUMOR,

The potato people are most useful.
/ A Suggestion: If the originals can
not be induced to pose for the purpose
how would it do to shoot the Indians
and hereafter model cigar signs from
dudesP
with watchman on all Sides" the
Now York burglars break into safes and
help themselves to the contents. Thus
far they have stolen none of tho watch
men. but much apprehension is felt.
al was drunk when l married her."
pleaded the defendant to the court.
''Most men are who marry pretty wives"
returned the judge. Beauty is always
intoxicating. ."-Brookly,s Eagle.
Baby nudges his mothers elbow.
''Mamma, stop Toto from killing the fly
on tho window" "What for?" s'Be-
cause / want to kill him myself -
FresscA Fun.
Woman's dress is said by London Truth
to be threatened with terrible clum-
siness." Doubtless, though, husbands
will have to be moro agile than ever in
diminishing around to pay for it.
Now that Arthur Sullivan is knighted
we shall expect no more musical works
from him, for the good book tells US
that when the knight cometh no man
can work.
'Mr. Isaacs, can you tole me we're vas
the first diamondP' .'No, Mr.. Yaw-
cobs: we're vas itp" Ivy, Noah's son
on der ark; he vas Shem of der fust
vater."
Joseph Cook has written an article on
Axhn l,,e G,sl 30 30, 4 L. ~R
carrying cigars in tho vest pocket in
not detect them. ~.
"Do you see that young man going
along there?" Yes; what of itP" Hes
got girl ON the brain" "Ah; Judging
from his appearance the girl must have
a soft sit.
At q breakfast the other morning q
New York dude declined piece of shad.
He had been told that fish food made
brain, and he didn't want to unfit him.
self for the position he occupied in so
ciety.
1t has been said that on founding a
colony, the first thing a Spaniard does
is to build gallows. a Portuguese to
build church, an Englishman drink
ing booth, and Frenchmau dancing
floor.
1t has been discovered that one cause
Of the popularity of the telephone con-
sists in the fact that by means of it
man can talk with friend five min
utes without asking him to take q
drink.
The Philadelphia Ne,os defines the
difference between newspaper man
and journalist. A newspaper man is
one who has been writing editorials for
twenty years. A journalist is one who
began police reporting two weeks ago.
81 will love you always" said a
young man to the girl whose hands he
clasped. 81 will love you when you are
old" ''But will you love me when I'm
fat" she said. 'dThat's the question" ("
--Arkonsaw IrGUeler.
A Cincinnati paper says the audience
grew enthusiastic over pasteboard lion
that did duty in one of the Roman plays
last week. This lion probably looked
something like a goat, and was mistaken
for a bock-beer sign.
1t is said by somebody that the poll
test man in Des Moines is gentleman
who put telephone in ut his home a
few days ago, and who has called tho
central office up regularly every night
since to bid tho operators ''good night
before retiring.
"Was the alderman drunk?" asks an
exchange, in giving an account of the
actions of one of those interesting per-
sonages. Well, we can't exactly say,
but we should think he was old-a-man
enough to know better than to do such
things.
81 have been married now" boasted
a prosy old fellow, ''more than thirty
years, and have never given my wife q
cross word" That's because you never
dared, uncle" said little nephew who
lived with them. IF you had, auntie
would have made you jump"
Omaha wonders why she can't pro-
duce great actor or poet, and then
turns around and tells Of q citizen fall
ing beneath wagon loaded with two
tons of stono and having a wheel pass
over his head without cracking his skull.
Detroit Free Press.
''Here you, didn't you read the sign
1T is against the rulo to smokein these
cars. ?" ''Yes, Tread your blamed old
sign and l have not broken your rule yet.
I'm smoking in the singular number in
this one car Just now. When smoke
in these cars then it will be time fol
you to talk. ."-Teras SJtings.
A cat has nine lives. But that doesn't
enable you to comprehend how you car
hear her, or him, as the case may be,
spit and squall and yell in fifteen differ
ent places on four shed roofs and two
fences at the same timo. Alas, how
weak and vain a thing is science, after
afl!-Burtingtoa HaWkeye.
"When were these eggs boilcd2" ask
ed a man of a negro lunch dealer. "Dis
mawnin', sah." "Well, then, they're
no account. l can't eat an egg thai
hasn't been boiled several days" "Oh
does yer mean when da was fust biledi
Da was billed fus' las week, an was
only billed ober dis mawnin', sah."
ArEGnsGW Iraveler.
The other day on an Arkansas rail
road, an old gentleman sat, half asleep
with book entitled 1.-THE Train Rob
bers" lying on his lap. Pretty soon he
sank to sleep. The windowsash fel
with loud report, and the old mah
springing to his feet and throwing u[
his hands, exclaimed, ''Gentleman,
haven't got cent"
A colored brother in this city, wher
questioned recently with regard to the
spiritual condition of his church, spoke
most enthusiastically of its growth
"Had any conversions?' continued the
interrogation. ''Better than that, better
than that" replied the brother; ''sinct
our new minister began preaching fol
us all the disinfected ones are coming
back"
The stage beard looks as much like {
beard that grew there as cows tai
would if tied to the bronze dog on tn,
front porch. Whom you tie heavy
black beard on a young actor whose
whole soul would be churned up if he
smoked a full-fledged cigar, he look
about as savage as bowl of mush ant
milk struck with club. : Montana
Gazette.
He was tive-year-old grandson o