St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-01-12
SQUibS.

| friend, as they walked through the
| depot, - refreshments P"- Harvard
LampoOn.
The zodiacal sign for the opening of
winter is Il goat. The goat is hard
butter and hard butter is almost al
ways Il sign that the weather is cold.
- Philadelphia News.
The Concord philosophers were
thrown into an intellectual heap 10y IL
worldly young man who invited them
to come over to his house and take
plato soup with HMM. Y. CONNER
cial.
"Hc cometh not" she said, and she
was quite right he didn't arrive. His
intentions were all right, but they
failed to successfully combat the bull
dog that was screened in the moon
kissed shrubbery. - Puck.
a village pastor who was called
several miles to tie Il Christmas matri-
monial knot, having hastily warmed
his half-frozen hands, was chilled
again by the prospective groom's an
nOuncement that ''wc've decided to
put 'er Of
Things one would rather have left
uHS'llu' u'-IloSteSS naI, must You
go already, professor G-The professor
My dear madam, there is limit
even to my capacity of intlicting my
self on my friends Hostess oh no
not ut all assure You = Punch.
One of our citizens went home last
night and told his wife that all the
chickens and turkeys III Albany were
dying. elbow bad, what III the world
is the matter cholera p she asked.
The serious and startling reply, in
deep, bass tones, was, "thc Methodist
conference is in session ~
A lady once asked st. Francis de
Sales whether she might use paint to
improve her complexion. His reply
was-"Some holy men object to its
use, while others see nothing wrong i'll
it. | would adopt il middle course,
and grant you dispensation to paint
one side of your face only"
David Davis's trousers Illinois is
worrying over the question, "Who
shall step into David Davis's shoes 2"
The next senator may step into David's
shoes, but 10y the great American desert
he'd better keep out of the old mans
trousers if he wants to he found in
time to draw any pay Burlington
Hawkeye.
Kentucky paper, speaking of the
death of Il citizen, says, ain IA personal
alteration he killed the father of
James Marsden once" We should
think once WAS often enough to kill
any man. 1t is impossible to conceive
of punishment severe enough for the
wretch who kills one man three or
four times.
$50 you have twins at Your house,
said Mrs. BeZumbe to little Tommy
SamuelsOn. eyes, mum, two of 'em."
"What are you going to call them ~
"Thunder and Lightning.' "Why,
those are strange names to call chill
dren." ''Well, that's what pa called
them as soon as he heard they were in
the house" Texas Siftings.
The fall in oil {: Lady speculator-
You want to know what is meant by
''clearances" in the oil business. 1t is
simply Clis When man persists in
going long at the top and short at the
bottom he gets ont of money in the
course of time and then clears out for
some unknown quarter. This is "A
clearance. - [Oil City Blizzard.
a "corker - "Whats your occupa-
ton ?" asked IA judge of drunk, that
came up for inspection in the morning.
''I'm a calker, sir" was the reply. "a
calker ~ exclaimed the Judge "what
an inaptitude of language | should
say You were an uncorkcr. Give him
90 days" "That's II 'cOrker,' surely, ~
was the victims retort.- Rome Senti-
mel.
A gentleman, while bathing at sea
saw his lawyer rise up at his side, af-
ter a long dive. After exchanging sal
utations, says he, "By the way, how
about Gunter ~ "Ile is in Jail" re
piled the lawyer and dived again. The
gentleman thought no more of it, but
on getting his account he found ''To
consultation at sea, about the incarcer-
alton of GunteI, S3."
"Uncle Ben" said old Bob, here's
f that so what yer lent me about year
. ago" "Brudder Bob, | is greatly sur
! prised at the course what yourself Is
q now takin' Fore de lawd | neber
> 'spected ter git dat money again an
= I'd dun Thought dat | had gin de money
!, ter yer" "Ef dat's de case, Uncle Ben
, I'll jcs put it back inter my pocket.
I always makes it rule neber to disap-
F. point man"
B. An old colored man, with his legs
twisted about like corkscrews from
70 rheumatism, and also partly paralyzed,
| sits on the steps of the Austin court
: house and solicits aims. "You must
l have "A pretty hard time of it, uncle -
% remarked a sympathetic stranger
% handing him nickel. ayes, boss
r dat's fact. Dar's six oh Us in dc
1 family, aud Use de only one able Ia
get about and earn libin'."- Texa.
p Siftings.
=, "My father said GilhoOly, solemn
E ly, twas more sensitive to colds than
! anybody ever knew. The slightest
e exposure gave him cold" THAT
e must have been very disagreeable.'
Il .'Indeed it was. He never could sill
= near a draft for IA minute without
Il catching cold. remember on ON,
10 occasion he was sitting in the Office o
a friend, when all at once my father
e began to sneeze. He insisted that
= there was a draft in the room. Every
E. effort was made tn discover where tn,
d draft was, but in vain. The doors and
; windows were closed and there was nC
e fire place, but my father kept on sneez-
y ing and insisting that there must be a
e draft in the room, and 81 there was
/. "Where was il P'' "In AN envelope
o on the table, and it was only littl,
e draft for s3.40."-l Texas Siftings.