Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1883-03-24

eral career, 1 s~quandored away the
whole capital, on attaining my majority,
with insane recklessness. Having thus
reduced myself to the condition Of the
penniless prodlgal, 1 gratefully accepted
the offer of accompanying nv family
abroad.
Byron tells us that FOREIGN travel il
the strongest mental Stimulus next to
amoltlon. Notwithstanding my repeated
failures and disappointments, 1 now
chung to this last forlorn hope of Kidding
myself, by a strong effort, seconded by
the influence of novel and striking
scenes, of the incubus of self-consciousS.
ness. l endeavored to counterfeit nv
personal deficiencies by adopting vari-
GUS modes of dress, which 1 fancied
most suitable for the purpose, regardless
OF fashion or expense, so long as / still
had the family purse to resort to. 1
studied my imperfect enunciation for
hours together, in my room, and before
my glass, fancying myself q comedian
preparing for his debut, or an M. P. re-
hearsing his maiden speech. To combat
my shyness | consulted an experienced
medical practitioner, to whom 1 fully
described my abnormal symptoms, and
who recommended me to try colored
s~pectacles. For what added to nv
confusion was the fact that whenever
people CHANGED to look at me the nerv-
Gus twitching and scared expression of
my eye naturally attracted their atten.
ton and caused them to stare the
harder. But it was all to no purposes;
my fatality still chung to me wherever 1
went. My voice, indeed, grew stronger
and more emphatic under the severe
training of my Demosthenic exercises.
But its inherent defects became proper.
tionally more marked and offensive. NV
green or blue goggles-for l tried every
variety and shade of color-only served
to metamorphose my qu%eer-looking phiz
into an exquisite model for a carnival
mask.
To give one illustration among a
hundred. One summers evening we
were all standing on the terrace Of the
far-famed Righi, above the lake of Lu-
cerne, watching the sunset. For a sim
gle half-hour of rapture the combined
influences of the glorious panorama
completely absorbed the sense of my
painful SUFFICIENTLY. Oh! sscould [ but
have kept my spirit to that tight!"
But'my demon vas at my elbow. Not
long after happened to be walking up
and down the nov deserted Plateau,
with my sister, expatiating on the
beauties of the surrounding landscape.
Suddenly we were overtaken by two
young Englishmen, tourists like our
selves, whom we had not hitherto taken
notice of. AS they passed by, one of
them exclaimed to his companion, in a
sort of stage-whisper: "By jove! now
we have seen something worth looking
at. For the life of me I couldn't keep
my eyes off that od~d-looking fellows
face all the time we were supposed t o be
watching the sunset" In a single
moment all the sweet and loving influ-
ences of that divine vision faded out of
my mind: l a suggest no better COM
parison than that of a man suddenly
walked out of a dream of paradise by the
scathing scott of a Mephistopheles.
Again [ felt myself under the ban of my
fellow-creatures! Again 1 doubted of
Heaven and humanity!
Reader! pity and pardon me! for 1
invent nothing, but am telling a plain,
u~nvarnished tale-"an over true story.'
On our return to England l had to
mourn the loss of an affectionate mother,
who died almest ~heartbroken at the fail
ure of all the hopes she had built on
her %firstborn, and, as was generally sup
posed, her favorite child. Henoefor-
ward l resolved to bury myself in my
books, and turn my back, once for ali,
on a world which had hitherto greeted
me only with contempt and ridicule.
For a year or two 1 steadfastly adhered
to this plan, when it was temporarily
suspended by one of those mysterious
chances which occasionally befall the
most unobtrusive and secluded of lives.
So with myself. made acquaintance,
quite accidentally, with a young lady of
personal attractions, and yet more re-
markable talents. Circumstances threw
us much together; and 1 soon began,
for the first time in my life, to realize
the tender passion. Strange to say, the
feeling was reciprocated; and, with the
consent at least, if not appreciation, of
our mutual families, Il day was fixed for
our union. But whether through acct
dent or a dispensation of Providence,
an unexpected hitch occurred at the
eleventh hour. Suspicious were awak-
ened of a loose screw somewhere. And,
finally, 1 was compelled, by stress of
circumstances, to make a clear breast
of it, and the engagement was amicably
terminated. l will only add that this
lady, eminently fitted by her talents to
shine in the social sphere, subsequently
made a worldly and better-assorted
marriage, and is now the mother of a
numerous family.
Relapsing once more into silence and
solitude, 1 pursued my ~favorite studies
to the detriment of my physical health,
hitherto excellent. The doctors un.
!, luckily prescribed stimulants, and with
the u~nlooked-for result that I, who, up
7 to my thirtieth year, had been remark.
| ably abstemious, and, indeed, a water
drinker during the earlier part of my
life, now speedily became a confirmed
} tippler, not to say an %'shabitual drunk.
ard!" 1 do not attempt self-justitication,
7 nor dare [ allege moral responsibility.
: l can only plead extenuating circum'
stances. All l can affirm is that an alb.
3 normal nervous organization, from the
very outset of this new phase of my