The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-12-06
WIT AND HUMOR,
The merchant who sells for cash be


wormeaten nut.-Nel0 York Journal.
Could the pitcher of a baseball team
be spoken of as 1.-THE power behind the
throWn?''
The thief who stole a watch at a pub
lie meeting excused himself on the plea
that he twas only taking minutes of the
affair.
1t is said there are 10000 spurious
sovcreigns in circulation in England.
France has had several, but most of
them have died off.
A young lady, who has probably had
reason to doubt the veracity of the
male biped, says patches of lies are only
equalled by the lies of patches.
Mrs Malaprop says that the increase
of morality from Egyptian cholera is
so great that it is high time for the doc
tors to find an anecdote against it.
Wipe your pen after using, and it
will last the longer. Remember, q pen
is saved, a pen is earned. Boston
Transcript.
''Can your wife driver" one Somer-
vile man asked another. ''Drive
what?" ''Drive a horse, Of course"
''Drive horse! why, man, she cannot
drive nail"
A young girl who married New
York dude on account of the lovely
Queen Anne villa he had at Newport,
admits that she sold herself for mess
of cottage.-Rochester Post-E1prcss.
A farmer near Manayunl, Pa, is very
fond of raw dog meat. There is one
slight advantage about that kind of
food. You do not get two or three
kinds of dog meat, as may happen upon
eating sausages.
Mistress: ''And SO you refuse to go
to the door and say, Not at home. "
eyes, mum; 1 can't lie like that"
s'Dear me, what swindlers those en-
ployment agents are. was told you
had served in respectable families. "
"Let us play we are married." said
little Edith, land | will bring my dolly
and say, "See baby, papa" eyes"
replied Johnny, land l will say, Don't
bother me now; want to look through
the paper. .'-Ha7per'S Bazdr.
She was a sweetly inexperienced
her remark when some one suggested
UIl5U Sic
tresses. "Yes," she replied, ''if they
are in season we'd better have some. >
The Harvard ''annex" for women is
eminently successful. Two ladies of a
class of five have become engaged to
their teachers, and another is permit
ting one of the young professors to
swing on her fathers gate.
An editorial article in Philadelphia
paper is headed ga Narrow Miss" We
at first supposed it must be something
about Sarah Bernhardt, but upon sec
'ond thought it occurred to us that to
call her miss would be mistake
OIL City Blizzard.
The young man who won much glory
because he said he loved his own sister
better than any other fellows sister,
was knocked out in the first round when
it was discovered that he was spending
all his salary on young woman who
was an only child. .'Men are deceivers
ever. - Gin. Com. TadUeler.
Traveller to enterprising citizen: ''You
have put up a fine building here. y ''Jus'
toll Table, 81 think it first rate. It's n
credit to the town. ga what?n "a
credit to the town." mot by blamed
sight! We paid every dollar in clean
cash. ''-Dencea Later- Ocean.
The Modern Age says that when y
young gentleman is introduced to a
young lady it is the young lady that
must begin the conversation. Did the
Modern Age ever hear of a young lady
who didn't begin to talk before the in
PRODUCTION was half through?
An exchange says that Mary Ander-
son has abandoned THE Hunchback."
Another evidence of Mary's excellent
taste. After giving Wales the grand
kibosh she very discreetly shakes the
hunchback. Good girl, Mary; she de-
serves little lamb-with green peas
and caper sauce.-Teras S1timgs.
Things one would not have said: Mrs.
A.-':Come and lunch with us to-Inor-
row? You will be interested in the
schoolmaster' bride" Mrs. Bob,
yes; how do you like her?' Mrs. B.
Every well, only she's little unused
to the ways of society. | shouldn't ask
her to meet nice people"
Native Ito visitor from the South):
''Ah, you've donned the kilt! Quite
killing, l declared! But why do you
wear the Macdonald tartan when your
name is Thompson?'' Little Z. (who
has been getting good deal of chaff):
''F'r very good rcason-'cause paid
for it." (Retires in a hutf)
Mrs. Enthuse-' ''How l envy you your
garden, Mrs. Smith! Anyone would
know these were fresh tomatoes"
Little Johnny Smith (who has been in
the kitchen) )-''And right under the
Fresh, Tomatoes there's the biggest
picture / ever saw. 1t runs around the
whole can. Can't l get it, mammal"
No charge is made for the suggestion
that the paper car wheel men ought to
use nothing but South American news
papers in their business. These papers
are so thoroughly familiar with revolu-
tions as to require no preparation in
converting into a first-class wheel
Pittsburg Telegraph.
What to him was love or hope? What
to him was joy or care? He stepped on
d plug of mottled soap the girl had left
on the topmost stair, and his feet flew
out like wild fierce wings, and he struck
each stair with sound like a drum.
and the girl below with the scrubbing
things laughed like fiend to see him
come.
A gentleman visiting school had a
book put into his hand for the purpose
of examining a class. The word ''in-
heritance" occurring in the verse, the
querist interrogated one of the young
sters as follows: What is patrimony?"
Something left by a father" ''What
would you call it if left by mother?"
''Matrimony.
''Why does that lady always carry
little velvet bag?" inquired Gubbins'
country cousin, smitten with the fair
face with it's auricomous fringe, and the
trim figure which he behe1d for the
sixteenth time that day, balancing her.
self on six inch heels up and down the
Strand. Garry bag. Oh, to keep
her character in, I SUPPOSE" returned
Gub.-Londor Bird O. Freedom.
"Whoi is that wan, haggard old man?"
''Know you him not? Why, he is the
Greek professor. What does hep
Nothing now; his language is dead"
''Why, then, sails he not away in his
steam yacht?"' ''Alas, poor man! he
has no steam yacht. Long fed he on
Greek roots and herbs, but these are
now gone. Come, come, old man, you
must be Off Cincinnati Commercial