The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1883-07-18
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Your House

PEAR EzRA-when that baby YOU
e.k &c arrives, prepare 10 takes back
a. rase IL gracefully. and occupy u
thout a murmur. for II i tie only ore
III will ct You have doubtless made
vour own plans about the way IN which
,ur first chi i shall be brought up al
respective fathers do this. Do not be-
r~rpri-ei to discover that you have moth
< whatever to do with the perform
nee, but that you are to be merely q
-poctator. and from a back seat at that
he child is g,in TO be reared by your
life aud your wiie's relatives, and your
ife's old nurse, aud the family doctor.
on { forget this or you mas fod your
II 10 trouble The countenance OF
,ur wife's mother will perpetualS seem
say to you: You get out The
urse and the doctor will remind you
nat they've brought up hundreds OF
ities before you w.re even thought OF,
nd tina you had better keep your little
Iggestions to yourself.
You have decided, for one thing, that
our baby shall be plainly dressed none
l this wicked extravaganza of laces aud
nbroidery tor you How chacrlned
N viii be when you see the gorgeous
outfit" that has been Struggled into the
i0use while you were away at YOUR bu>l-
tess. Then, too there will be the pres
nts which pour In from friends-a u
IN f which you lever heard and for
Itch you made no allowance. Worsted
:Ucs are easy TO make, and every mai
n weeks will bring them TO you from
i points Of the compass. The joke OF
{ is they vii all fit A girl thirteen
ears old can knit a pair Of pink shoes
j a babe still unborn that will tit as
r~rtcctly as those contributed by the
rtuagenarian mother of fifteen chill
~ n. Yes, you may be too poor to pay
Iur rent, but you will see your baby
d:ug proudly through the streets in It's
IA carriage, and covered with an array
Il ribbons and spangles and crochet
cork which will make the glittering
'>tume OF the circus monkey .ook
lie.
lou have determined also that your
c lid shall not be rocked. When 1t
;i,s, you say, LAY 1t down and let 1t
nave the cry out just as easy to train a
lid one way a. the other. If it is to
>. rocked and landed and walked with
cry time il screams, the whole family
il s,on be bond slaves. Let us have
IS, Grad T. in this house, and no spring
- our baby watru Here. again. pre-
pure You SIT for icnoniniDus d feat.
You vii have i cradle with a lowell,
ann canopy, aud IA fl -net and the
| tile carriage viii have BOUNDING
.pringS and your infant will be rocked
~ the treetop and trOtted to Boston to
Jay a loaf of the staff of life, Just like all
It's predecessors, When you ask vino is
going to do the rocking and promenading
At nidI light and at cock Growing, and
with Il baby weighing twenty pounds.
II ere will be an ominous silence which
means that you yourself have been select
Cd for that duty. The nurse has told
YOUR wife that that's all you're good
for!
When you sec the baby smothered in
worsted jackets, shawls and afghans, per-
spireing like a t~rotting horse and gasp
ing for breath, don ever venture to sug-
gest that it has too many clothes on. Of
curse you don't know the saving quail
ties of pinning- blankets, knit shirts aud
flannel binder,: and probably you never
heard that the child would ole instantly
If flannel wasn't kept over its stomach.
1t is Ouly out of pity for your ignorance
that the nurse doesn't knock you down.
When your wife says the baby is laugh
ing, don't dispute her, whether you cap
see the laugh or not. Only females can
tell when a baby laughs, or interpret its
other complex expressions. If you take
J hand 10 this business you will be set
down for a tool. Don't Try it. In the
nursery you must be all things to all wo-
mpG
Prepare to dress yourself in the BATH
room, to receive your friends in the hall.
and to go to the baru when you want to
smoke. Your own DON will gradually
assume the appearance Ofsomething be-
tween "a drug store and a diet-kitchen.
When o 90 out Of it in the morning it
is well to be equipped for the day, as
YOU may not be admitted until bedtime.
If you 90 back to change your cuffs. the
chances are that you will find the door
locked and a chorus of female voices
will inform you that you can't come in
because the baby is being bathed. Even
when you are allowed tc enter. there is
danger that the burly nurse will hustle
you 0 again, whispering into pour ear
that the baby has got to be Bottled
whatever that may mean. Bathing
and changing will keep you in almost
constant exile. Before your child gets
into short clo,hes you will have spent
about six months sitting on the stairs.
waiting 10 speak to your wife, And
your wife still loves you AT times she
even says that she wishes she could do
something for YOU. The trouble is that
she is completely under the control of
persons of experience" who tell her
that if she doesn't powder the baby and
trample on her husband, just as they
advise, her life will be a complete fail
ure.
| have only mentioned these few
things which happened To occur to me.
There is a vast field of vaccination.
tecthing. miik-crust. ottlt-feedin". wet
nursin-. sickness. christening and hay
ing the .tbN'> picture taken. which
iiavn touched up N at all. Ii YOU are
alive SIX months iro /! now | vii write
and advise YOU further. In the mean-
Il g take good care of yourself and
forget what | have said about the
back seat. Your atfectionate uncle
E.