The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1883-07-06
How to Marry a Rich Girl.

Next to tiger hunting there is nothing
so exciting as making love to q rich
girl. OF course, you are supposed TO
be a poor young man, and how to COM
pete with her rich and accomplished
admirers is a question that haunts you.
Success will be easy if you know how
to 90 to work. In the first place, you
must get all mercenary thoughts out of
your mind. To do this there is nothing
like early rising and cooling diet.
Having gotten yourself into wooing
condition, set about the task with bust
ness-like determination.
Improve every opportunity of getting
into the company of the millionaire's
daughter. but always appear entirely
unconscious of her presence. If you
chance to find yourself near her, go to
another part of the room and pay court
to the homeliest and most neglected
girl in the house. Tell your best stories
and display your choicest wit; pres
emily you will have q crowd of listeners
who will hang upon your words and be
swayed by your eloquence. The rich
young lady will hear the murmurs of
applause and for a time remain OBJ
livious to the sensation you are making;
then she will grow uneasy, and give
nOnsensical orders to the servants.
She will ask foolish questions about the
weather in Scotland and the fashions
in Holland, and finally, with an ingeni-
Gus air of Indifferent surprise, remark:
Il wonder what that young man is
saying to those foolish girls"
OF course you hear the young lady
talking, but you must effect entire
ignorance of her presence, while you
continue your eloguence. 1t will not
be long before the beautiful heiress will
slyly ask what you are talking about.
The reply will be entirely unsatisfac-
tory. Then the heiress will invite you
to sit near her. If you are wise you
will be brilliant and further excite her
curiosity by few words, pointing a
witticism or two and speedily returning
to your friends. This will pigue the
rich young lady, and her heart will
burn with anger. As soon as you dis
cover that she is really interested in
what you are saying and seeks your
society, make preparations to depart.
Go through grand flourish of leave
taking with your neglected listeners,
keep them amused and smiling until
the very last moment, then politely
take leave of your heiress and go home.
This little maneuver of yours will
end her pleasure for the evening.
Precious little sleep will she get that
night. All the fine phrases and tiowery
compliments of her wealthy suitors
will be lost in the thought of how you
sighted her.
Unlike men, women are impetuouS.
They do not wait. On the very mex,
day the heiress will send you an invita-
ton to attend party. She will be
there and so will you. On this occa-
sion you must pay her your finest adj
dress. Do it in u fine, delicate but in
different way. Your conduct will again
perplex the heiress, but never mind
that.
You must now talk constantly of he1
to her friends. Tell them that you
would like to shoot three or four of heI
lovers; that if she were not rich you
would walk over ten acres of bayonet:
to make love to her. In few days
you will get an invitation to another
party. Ii you are wise you will SEND
regrets and decline to go. Explain tC
her friends that you are madly in love
with her, and that your sense of honor
keeps you from intruding upon hel
presence Send her anonymous bou
quets-merely writing 'From friend
on the card. Your star now begins tc
rise upon the horizon; you must sc
away for a few weeks. While you are
gone write ardent but very respectful
letters to her friends from your place
of exile On your return you will gel
an invitation to call on her. You must
90 ut once, talk to her as if you owned
her, give her good advice, explain your
views about self control, then change
the conversation until it concerns your
self, finally hesitate, stammer little,
blush good deal and make the girl
your contidant. Tell her in warm
gush of enthusiasm how much you love
rich girl, but add that you are poor
and feel that it would be dishOnorable
to- propose to here In conclusion,
say that you intend to leave
the city in week-forever, never
to return again. This will make the
heiress tremble. She will ask you to
name the girl. While she catches her
breath, blush again, let your heart
swell and the tears flow from your eyes.
Say with sob that she is the one you
love, and then rush for the door. You
sweet, beautiful heiress will give one
cry, fling her arms around your neck
and Sob: ~ love you with all my heart
take me-" etc., while you clasp her to
your breast and rain kisses upon her
lips. During this period of divine &C.
stasy (Which will seem about two centu-
ries), suddenly come to your senses,
tear yourself from the girl and
wildly exclaim that the sacrifice must
not be. Say that her friends will re-
proach you and justly accuse you of de.
stroying the life of poor girl, say that
you love her too well to drag her down
to poverty, cheap laundries. etc., etc.,
etc.
That night you will go home a C@asr
with Caesars crown upon your brow,
and in few weeks you will be married
to woman who truly loves you with
her whole soul. But not until you have
taken possession of a noble palace on
the Hudson, with luxury and fine horses
all around you, will you begin to realize
into what depths of contempt sordid
man can descend.-N. Y. Journal.