davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29
ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS

A weekly paper of Boston has paid
Tennyson one thousand dollars for eigh,
verses of poetry on early spring. We
have nothing to say against Tennyson for
accepting this sum of money. for he was,
no doubt. moved by Sam Johnson's ideal
tina, man who writes for anything but
money is fool /; but we do think tina, the
Boston paper could have had the work
done much more cheaply. The sum OF
one thousand dollars for eigh, verses on
early spring or late fall. is good pay, ex-
,ravagant remuneration. we may say. |,
is evident that the editor in question does
not read the market reports. If he had
shown little enterprise and economy.
he could have employed the school
teacher at Elm Flat, Arkansaw, TO have
written eight verses for half the amour,
paid Tennyson. In fact, If he were 10
wait until vacation, when the Elm Flat
man will be out Of Job, he could secure
eight verses of poetry, written in a bold.
defiant hand. for fifty cents. Newspaper
men have ever been noted for financial
recklesspess. When they have money.
they no more calculate the expense Of a
pig-foot sandwich. and would no more
hesitate paying the amount than a csw-
boy would think of relinquishing pre-
emption right to a quart of red iuice
Choice literature, these days, is the first
tomatoes in the market. II a publisher
does not care to pay the price, let him
pass on down the street. but still, he can
ind a stall where the dealer, fearing that
he may be stuck" will deal literally.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

WH>i sort of people have you in this
country" asked man from Massachu-
sets Of a native OF Arkansaw. Party
nice people was the reply. why do
you AK" "Oh, merely an idle question.
one fellow this morning told me long
story, and called him liar. He
shocked me down with an OK yoke and |
thought Id ask what sort of people you
have. In my county when a man is a
liar, he is a liar, and that settles it. Blu, i,
seems that when man is 1iar in this
country he amt. OF course didn't ex-
peci to find the same customs here. al
lowing for the difference in time, but
thought tina, liars all over the world
amounted to the same. am now in
duced to think that the biographies
oughter to be changed
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29
THE FIRST CANNON.

History says that cannon were FIRST used
IN battle in the thirteenth century. and
according to the annals OF practical liter
ature this is all right, but Milton IN his
Paradise Lost. credits Satan with the in.
vention Of great guns. One day, about
nine o'clock al morning, the armies of
Michael and Satan confronted each other.
The troops we're tired, having been on the
ny for Some time. but the sight Of the en-
envy was 10 each encouraging Satan's
men. fine leeking fellows, gathered around
their great commander. Boys" said
he, we've got little log-rolling to do.
let me tell you. The crossroads bows.
sreading on the coat tails of yonder cloud,
are shoulder hi,ters from the other side
OF the fence. ! wan, every devil Of you to
discharge your duty. Whet your swords
on the mountain side and away to the
fray. Here. young imp. tell Colonel Sui
phur to blow the bugle."
The bugle sounded and all was in read
mess. Another blast, and each son OF
darkness leaped to the charge. The az
fair soon los, its gaudy coloring. and be-
came business-like. Little bits Of light
ming, and nobs OF thunder, broken off in
the desperate encounter. were scattered
here and there. A, length. as Satan was
on his way TO superin,end another part
OF the held. he was suddenly confronted
by Michael. Each took position.
Mike. said Satan. you can, bluff
me. and you needn't Try II. You seem to
forget tina, in leisure hours | stop a, the
cove with Slobberin' Dick. who amuses
himself by going out and wallowing with
the bears. DO YOU think | am rish.
Mike ~
Yes" replied Michael, buckeling his
electric belt tighter around his waist.
Well. throw out your troll =
Then they began to prance around
each other and Gu, and slash. The high,
between Richard and Richmond was
nothing in comparison. and although
Satan was a good swordsman. yet
casual observer, or at least a dramatic
critic, could have at once decided that
Satan was no match for Michael. Blow
upon blow fell. Michael 60, his machin-
cry in among Sa,an's short ribs, wheeled
him around and hacked the eternal
liver out Of him. Satan fell and cried
for help. He was taken away on
ssreteher and conveyed to neighboring
barn, where his wounds soon healed.
His army was routed and when at even
ing he collected his scattered forces. he
mounted barrel, having been left by
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29
The Borrowing Neighbors.
Kentucky State Journal. !

Mrs. Harmon. my mother sent me
over fur to see if you'd lend her yer irons
this afternoon
No, I've lent my irons to her already
I'LL they're all rough, and 4 doat see Why
she don't quit borrowin' from her neigh
bors and take some Of that money She
puts in fine clothes fur that girl Of hers.
who struts along here Is il she owned
the whole town, and buy her swn irons.
No. Ill not lend yer mother my irons
:. We'll, she wants to know il yer done
with her crimpin' irons yit."
Yes, here take yer old crimpin' irons.
they ain't no account, nohow. I can bor-
row Mrs. Holmes, and they are a good
deal better than they are"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29
me democrat (barrel vas empty and

some democrat (barrel was empty and
said:
Gentlemen and fellow politicians, we
were beaten that time, bat Tomorrow
well get even. Pve got scheme"
He hoped from the barrel and began
to dig with hoe. He took lot Of black
looking grit from the soil, and with a
broad grin, he put it in boxes. Then he
dug up iren and made enormous hollow
tubes. Then he made great balls and
winked at himself The great tubes were
mounted On wheels. Early after break
fast the next morning, Satan and his army
started out to look for Michael and his
men. They met. The cannons were ar
ranged and fred with great skin. Moth
ing could stand before the awful project
lies hurled with such force and fury.
Michaefs forces were thrown into confu-
sion and Satan was victorious, but the de-
feat was only temporary, for some time
during the afternoon, Michael was re-en-
forced. Small weapons were discarded.
Michael snatched up a mountain and
threw it at Satan. It grazed his ear and
knocked down staff officer. Michaers
example was followed by his men, and
soon the air was full of flying mountains
Graceful knobs were used for hand gren-
AIDES, and we have authority for saying
that it was actually dangerous to hang
around the neighborhood.
We are pleased to place these valuable
statistics before the public, and we hope
that historians, when writing about the
first cannon, will give the devil his due
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29
BILL NYE'S COME BACK

Some time after Bill Nye left the Laramie
Beomf,anS, tina, paper published an
editorial. accusing the humorist OF appro-
pria,ing to his own use, while manager
Of the publishing company, large sum
of the firms money. In reply to the
accusation, Mr. Nye published an article
in the Cheyenne .Snn. from which We
extract the following:
During the whole time that was in charge
OF the Boomerang had my bands full TO keep
the peace betw &c one of the directors and
Barrow and save the latter his position.
Time and again | was told by stockholders
tina, the paper would never prosper while
Barrow WAS city editor. | vas constantly
annoyed by his creditors, who said that they
could get nothing but stand-oif from Bar
row. who neglected his wife and children 10
throw his money away on faro. Many will
remember the virtaous sermon OF a column
or more written by Barrow on gambling when
poor 1ek DeCoursey Sgicided, while al the
same time the Nebraska grasshopper sufferer.
with the odor of the penitentiary sill elinging
TO ms garments. vas throwing away on faro
the money that his wife and babies actually
needed. II twas just as Consistent as his false
hoods concerning me while he was constantly
me up between himself and his creditors. /
kept him on the paper long after | had tired
of MS internal debts. rs old as his residence
in Laramie. retained him on aecoun, OF his
family when was weary OF his personal
shortcomings and his journalistic We have
went and +" We have saw Now, hoping
tina, | will die before spring. he takes ad-
,antage of my absence from the TERRITORY 10
abuse the only friend he had in Laramie.
Thinking that cannot long survive, and thar
my disease. coupled with the malpractice OF
a red-headed qaack. will no doubt end my
career before the spring term OF court. he uses
the paper that have given my health and
money 10 establish as a weapon with which
to attack me in the back. II is an act we'll
worthy OF HIM. II IS perfectly in keeping xish
the former life OF selfish, ignorant Srnart
Alsek. whose worship OF King Faro frs, led
him INTO crime and then into neglect for The
wife who SO bravely stood by him when in the
ewes OF al who knew the circumstances he
vas. as he IS TO-DAY, felon before the law
lfNye had not shed his illimitable
humor over the boomerang, the paper
would never have been heard Of. outside
Of its immediate vicinity. The attack
will do the Boomerang no good.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

tKirie ISM peculiar local prenune iat,ons
Tut AkkANSAw TRAVEiIE saws "Onc 81
he best known New England lecturers spoke
., how he gathered hickory 'nots when he
Aas boy. HI j audience finally discoN red
iaa, he meant hickory nuts" This New Eng
and lecturer could not have been 4 truly
Yankee, or he would have called then. ',has
tarks.-Eosadn Fo.fc.
HE may not have been truly" YAM
kee. and in fact We do not believe he
was, remembering the fact that he wen,
around lec,uring while his more patriotic
neighbots were firing Enfield rifles in the
south, but he said nots" when he should
have said nuts. or rather when he should
not have said anything.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

ThE year OF 1854 is approaching. |,
has been coming for long time. When
Alexander the Great guzzled wine when
Julius C.c,ar landed on the island oil
ancient Britain when Cromwell took
up the pillow lines Of government when
Napoleon fought the battle of Austerli,z
when the Hessians surrendered at Tren-
ton when Washington's monument was
begun when Lee surrendered wher
Arthur became president; when evacu
alton day was celebrated in New York
when mule team ran away yesterda,
with load Of turnips and negro boy
the year 1854 was coming. All Of these
years 1854 has been dragging itself along
towards the front. At one time il was a
long way off, but not discouraged i,
dragged its weary self along. Do not be
surprised, therefore, to awake the frs,
morning in January and find that a new
year, a year never seen before, has come
Plato, though a sehtentious PARAGRAPHS
and pretty sharp fellow on general prin-
ciplcs, never saw the year 1854, ye, while
he taught district school in a grove.
1854 was coming along. Every year the
newspapers go into ecstasies over the
new year just as though the great event
was not expected, and these few lines are
written to remind the people that all years
that have not passed are still in the future
and that they viii eventually come.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

a LONDON paper says that THE AR
KANSAW TRAVELLER is one Of the best pa
pers in South America. The editors APP
probation should be oomplimen,ed, at
least in this office, but his idea of geog-
raphy needs repairs.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29


Flat school teacher. This man has been
known in literature since last January.
The best magazines in the country have
received his productions, but unable to
make the calculation in regard to the
worth Of the kindly offers, they were in
variably returned. The magazines are
determined not to rob an author. The
example Of the English poet laureate
s.ould be encouraging tn young poets.
They should reflect that after seventy
FIVE years of devoted application they
may induce a weekly paper to accep,
some of their musings. Age and a sput-
tering pen tell much. They should strug-
gle for the age and then secure the sput-
tering pen. The signature Of Shakes
peare was written with an old and rheu-
matte pen, consequently it is valuable.
II it could be read, a school boy could
initiate it. but as there is no de6nable
hook upon which to hang pretence, the
school boy and the sage must halt.
Years ago Tennyson tramped around
the country. Like Webster in the early
days Of his dictionary, he was in need Of
patrons. He was doing his best work,
but no one appreciated its value. His
kindliest greeting was no doubt from the
untutored boy that had gone out to find
the COWS. Everything may have discour-
aged him, but nothing could daunt his
spirit. He had started out with determin-
alton to force his conceptions into popu-
lar favor. Slowly he gained recognition,
but at last his fame swept over the coun-
try like prairie lire. A grand illustra-
ton Of perseverance. 1t taught the
compelled to make another reference
Elm Flat man that if he kept on he might
at last compel the leading publications
of the day to return his illusions much
more promptly than had been their won't.
Eight stanzas of inspiration for one
thousand dollars. How this business is
becoming simplitied. After a while we
can approach great poet and say" In
spire me one hundred dollars worth be-
fore the next customer comes in, please -
or, hemming the poet into the corner. we
can say, :. Look here, sir. You borrowed
fifty dollars from us the other day. In
spire US nifty dollars worth or we'll lam
the eternal muse out of you"
The poetic fancy has been reduced to
such poin, that after while laureate
can so into gorgeously furnished room
and say, ten consultations with the muse
on he ace Counting a consultation at
one dollar, the poet will oct ten dollars
on the eccentric card in question. He
can get suit of clothes and have the
muse charged with the amount.
The Americans are regarded as a COM
mercial people, and if they reduce all
foreign poets to a business basis. why i,
will be better for the poets After a
while domestic rhymers will demand at
,ention. and their musings can be placed
under the head OF Lates, poe,ical QUOT
atoms.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

II seems to be pretty hard matter
10 make the Chinese and French under
stand that they are lighting each other.
In the meantime those who are killed in
he misunderstanding thoroughly ap-
preciate the fact.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

TIL Giobe-DeDgetra says that when
an Arkansaw man begins to wear sus-
penders you may know that he is going
20 vote the republican ticket. 1t is but
justice 10 say that the average Arkansaw
yer still holds up his trousers with a
wooden peg
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

Az GotIp says that he does not think
ina, there will be panic soon. Thank
you, little corporal, for those words. Now
xe rest easy. The earthquake of dread
no longer shakes oar vast estates. We
feel tina, the whole business is in the
hands OF Mr.. Gould, and knowing this,
how can we longer anticipate evil.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

II is said that Henry Irving has a
mouth like goggle-eyed perch. Henry
no doubt thinks that the American has a
mouth like sucker
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

mind. 1t is my own regardless Of condi-
tons"
Without replying, the young man went
away, and the girl, not in the least dis
turbed, went about her work.
1t began to look as if the girl really did
not intend to marry, for every sutton was
rejected with indifference.
Whenever fall in love, father, will
tell YOU" she said Il hardly think this
is likely though, for | have seen nearly
all the men in the county, and reckin
men in other counties are about the
same"
One day young fellow named Lige
Blakemore went to the mills. Every
where Lige put in an appearance, he inn
mediately secured the pastry for home
illness, and the beauty Of his ugliness was,
the fact that he was proud Of it. When
Lige entered the mill, Gralda was pour
ing corn into the hopper. The old man
was asleep.
Why didn't you bring your turn yes
terday when we had more water % asked
the girl.
wall. why didn', you keep the water
till got here!''
"You must think tina, you are a very
important character with your big nose
and catfish month
Vas, an you must think you air lit
fly Gineral Jackson wrapped up in rose
leaves. but you amt, femme tell you
Well, help up here with the corn ~
" fou must be blame fool, gal, to think
that I'm goin' ter pay you ter let me
grind the corn. Why don't you wake up
the old man -
He's tired
So is goat"
Amt you going to help me 2"
No, blame Il do. Here, old lummux
hop up an help the gall
Who you talkin' to :" exclaimed the
old man, arising with difficulty.
You, of course. Help up with the
con an don, shirk," and taking down a
fishing rod, Mr. Blakemore sauntered
away.
AT evening, while the girl was closing
the mill, she turned to her father and
said
Pap, I'm in love
The devil"
Not with the devil, but with one of
his disciples. perhaps"
Whe's the teller
lige Blakemore."
Wy, he's as ugly as sin an he amt
go, ne sense"
Can't help it, love him.
:" Does he know it z"
No, bu, you mus, tell HIM
" The devil, :"
- Not the devil, but Lige."
The old man knew that a protest. no
matter how vigorous, would avail MOTH
ing, and the next day he went over. to
Blakemore's. Lige was JUS, making his
arrangements TO 60 out on a camp-hun,.
old Potter called him off to one side, al
though there was no one else within
hearing, and said:
Its mighty ticklish business that I'm
on to-day, Lige. My darter loves you
an sent me over to tell you
" Haven't got time to think about i,
now, ole man. les tell the gal to keep
quiet tell sit back. Good day." and he
was gone. Three weeks afterwards he
called a, the mills. Gralda met him and
conducted him to the little window
where she had rejected so many sul,ors
"lige. father told you. didn't he ?"
Yes
Well, couldn', help it, Lige. knew
tina, if some one didn't tell you. you would
never know i, and couldn't think OF going
through life wlthou, you. Don't you
think that you can love me Just little 2"
Tears were running down his rough
cheeks. Putting his arm around her and
drawing her to him. said
Angel, have loved you fur ten
years"
ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

SARAH BERNHARpT has horsewhipped
a woman for ridiculing her. Sarah is as
fiery as a sheet OF flame and Just about
as heavy.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29

SCIENTIST HuXLEY's SON is a poet.
The report that the old man has dis
owned him is no, true, although there are
legal grounds for divorce.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-12-29
SOLD BY ALL NEwsDEALERs.

TO CONTRIBUTORS.
Manuscripts unaccompanied by stamps,
will not be returned. We do not pay for
matter unless il be specially ordered.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1883-01-28

better treatment in Europe than in America.
There the check rein is seldom employed;
blinders, too, are fast disappearing. Their
use was largely an outgrowth Of fashion,
since they permitted Of armorial displays.
They are well-nigh unheard Of in Russia.
In Europe horses are usually relieved in
pulling loads up steep inclines. Everyone
must know that upon horse hauling a
load up hill the check line will have an
effect the same as it would upon a hu-
man being. In ascending hill the natural
impulse is to lean forward. So it is with a
horse, but he caopot do it il held back by a
check line, and the use Of such is a refinement
Of cruelty. 1t is stated that no omnibus
horse in London is hampered with check
lines, and out of all the horses that conveyed
vehicles 10 the Ascot races, only three were
troubled with these Anticipated instruments
oil torture. To every man that makes use OF a
horse should be offered this humane counsel:
"UuIoose the check line when ascending q
hill, or, better, use none at ALL" The msn
who treats with kindness his horse, his OK,
his dog, which he formerly kicked aud
abused, is from that moment better being,
and his comrades, bis friends, his wife and
children share the sweets Of his new born
Instinct. Mercy 10 inferior animals is the
base, the foundations of civilization and
religion, and DO structure can be securely
reared where IL is absent.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1883-01-28
rnEpLAsrEss, corroN.rrE =

b5Ne wi AA2A
It ia a remarkable fact that the trebling of
The tax on cotton iron-ties appears 10 excite
more remark and denunciation outside of the
cotton belt than among the cotton people them
selves. The New York Times said, on Thurs.
day: "The uncomfortable exaction Of eighty
two per cent. on acknowledgements than
doubling and possibly tripling the present
rate-is Endorsed" by the Ways and Means
Committee The Times adds that the effect
of the bill sis to pervert the power OF the
government to the enrichment of few IA
vored interests, not only at the expense of
the general consumer, but at the expense of
by far the greater number of the ma
tive industries. The bill does near
Iy everything which ii ought not
to do, and fails almost wholly in any
important particular 10 do what it pretends
to do-reviss and reduce taxation.n Will
the cotton planters and those engaged in the
cotton business, remember that the oppressive
tax now threatened will, if adopted, reduce
heir profits perhaps for years to come. This
is no matter for apathy and Indifference. Is
our Cotton Exchange aware that it is pro-
posed to raise the cotton tie tax, heavy
burden even at The present thiriy.6v per
cent rate, 10 nearly three times the amount?
If SO, it "makes no sign" the present occa-
sion should stimulate it TO action. Forms Of
petitions 10 Congress against the tax should
be sent to all our country towns for sig
nainra
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1883-01-28
William i. seaman.

The clever young Irish comedian, William
]. Seaman, appears st Leobrie's Theater
Tuesday and Wednesday and at Wednes-
day matinee, the ensuing week. The New
York Nescs says OF him, in his play, Friend
and Foe: This Young comedian Is very like
Joseph Emme, ('FritZ) possessing The same
clear-cut profile, winsome smile, sweet voice,
graceful manner and wonderful magnetism
gifts rarely vouchsafed 10 mortals either on
or off the stage. Mr. Seaman possesses a
fine physique, pleasant face, roguish eye, and
a touch of the brogus that made doubly
pleasant his rich voice, the tones OF which
were all melody. His'Carroll Moore is evi.
IDENTIFY a study from life, for while it was s
Quiet perform ance, there was just enough in
It of the reckless, rollicking, impulsive
warm hearted Irishman to give 1t spice and
make it q true picture OF character thai
has been too long misportrayed upon the
dramatic stage His clear enuucistion oil the
lines and the effectiveness with which he
gave the brilliant and humorous sayings o.
! The part, added greatly to The beauty OF The
performance. His singing OF number o
songs was IN accord with his acting charm
| ing and heart-winning-hi famous 'Peck-a
| Boo cong creating furore. He sung 1t II
| the last act. and again as the curtain de
sceuded. making a delightfully."- pleasing end
| ing 10 the play. Friend and Foe may b.
ranked among BARLEY Campbell's creates
dramatic successes, and Mr.. Scanlan's Car
roll Moore entities him to the very iron
rank of Irish comedians. either OF to-day o
| of the past thirty years"