New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-03-28
EB00K AGENT.
A Humorous Disquisition on His Powers
asa Oonversationalist- He VAN
Quished Bandit.

Brown, Jones and Robinson, three as
good fellows as ever melted the heart
OF = country trader to the merry music
OF the plant chin, says the Evansville
argus, sat one evening last week in the
smoking compartment of 4 chair car
on the Z. Il r. II. Western Railroad.
With them was o tall, thin, dyspcptic
man, with sandy hair. dressed in rusty
suit of black. Nature had endowed
him with long legs, and his tailor with
short pants. His coat collar was rich
enough in accumulated grease to keep
q soap factory going for a month. His
mouth was of brass, and his check as
hard as last years cider. He was a
hook agent. Already he had gobbled
up the drummers for Life of Christ
and pocket encyclopedia Of 215 num-
bers, when suddenly a real Jesse James
like train bandit opened the door and
stood, pistol in hand, before the quartet.
Browns soul sank into the heels OF
his boots. Beads of perspiration big as
snowballs stood out on Jones classic
brow, while his hair lifted his hat two
solid inches from the crown Of his head.
Ever Of Thee I'm Fondly Dreaming"
and thought he was praying. But the
book agent bounded from his seat with
q glad smile and Chow do, stranger?
Delighted to see YOU Do let me show
you my superb History Of Boone Conn-
ty, a perfect bonanza Of domestic peace
and happiness to every householder who
is fortunate enough to possess one.
Three hundred pages Of elegant letter.
press, printed on toned paper and an
official map of the state. A carefully
compiled correct typographical and his
torical-''
'.Shut up roared the bandit.
'Shut up? You bet it will, and
fastens itself with double-action brass
clasp-my own invention-a and from its
simplicity of design and beauty of cor
struction, worth half the price of the
book. Given away, sir; literally given
away for So in boards or $3.50 in mo-
rocco with beveled edges
IF yer say
II do say it, sir. Look at this ex-
quisite title page with a vignette por-
trait of the gifted author. Here you see
a genealogical abstract chart, in which
you can write the names Of your illus
trious ancestors and beloved family
births, marriages, deaths and
''Stop,n shrieked the bandit, rs the
agent grasped him by the buttonhole.
You may well say stop, sir; I've
said enough to make you ache to pos
sess the beautiful volume, but I haven't
vet hpO1ln to-
''Sit down." the robber roared in a
voice that made the puf1's Of the engine
sound like the signs Of sick zephyr,
and loosened all the Joints of Jones'
limbs.
Biographical sketches of business
men, glowing obituary, with an original
poem on death, agricultural statistics,
tablets Of mortality, valuable notes on
immigration, trade reports, all the geo
logical"
'Lemme go, or I'll blow the roof OF
yer head off, shrieked the robber, as
he wrested himself from the agent S
grasp and dropped off the rear Of the
car into the gathering gloom Of the
coming night.
Then Robinson drew from his pocket
his faithful revolver and looked big.
Jones rolled his sleeves up and asked
where the villain was gone to. Brown
fished from under the spittoon roll OF
bills and hoped that they didn't think
he'd been scared. But the agent sank
YEARLY to his scat, and for the first
time in all that long journey was silent
for nearly four consecutive minutes.