davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
IN IGNORANT OLD DUTCHMAS

Demosthenes Blowhard was a can
didate for Justice of the Peace down in
Scrub Oak township, and, as the political
parties are nearly evenly divided in that
precinct, he was engaged in a Wig
orous canvass. While returning from
the village postofice, he met Hans
Van Hoofinger, and accosted him
with:
"Hello, Hans How are you and
how's the folks ?"
"Vell, [ vas veil, ind mine frau vas
veil, ind Ieetle Hans and Yawcob, ind
Katrina und der paby vas vell-we vas
all breddy veil, I tanks you"
"Ah! glad to hear it-glad to hear
it," said Demosthenes, rubbing his
hands delightedly. "Ahem I suppose
you know that I shall be candidate for
the Office Of Justice Of the Peace at the
ensuing election?"
Ish oct SOP"
Yes, they would insist upon my ac-
cepting the nomination; did all 1 could
to induce them to nominate somebody
else, but it was no use; seems as though
7 Was the only one they wanted, and
they were bound to have me-"
And so you did not wants der Office
and dey viii makes you took it? Dot
vas too pad"
Well, you know a good citizen is
always willing to sacrifice his own in
terests to some extent, where he feels
that the public good requires him to
do so. And now, since am in for it,
I suppose 1 may depend upon your
support"
"Vhen teller does not want some
dings, it vas not right to make him takes
it. does vat can for you-I votes for
de odder chap all der dimes, ind I talks
nit der poys ind tells dem What you said,
and dinks mebbe I gets you peat.
Good evening"
Demosthenes now alludes to Hans as
a poor, ignorant cid Dutchman, and
says it is a thousand pities that such
ignorant people should ever be per-
mitted to exercise the right of suffrage.
-ToIe6o E{n6e
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
THE .DEsPor OF THE Jingle,

Instances are on record where tiger,
In the exercise of his vocation. has
really-though accidentally, of course
performed an act of retribution. It
is related that poor shoemaker was
once returning home with small sum
of money which he had, fortunately,
succeeded in collecting from some of
his customers. He overlook man ap-
parently travelling in the same direction
as himself, and as the way was dreary
and dangerous, and his acquaintance
was armed, he was glad of his company.
He shared his food with him, and In
talking over their affairs he was unwise
enough to mention the object of his
Journey and the money of which he was
possessed. This aroused the cupidity
of the fellow-traveler, who at certain
point in the road made murderous at
tack On the poor cobbler.
While they were struggling together,
tiger leaped out of the jungle upon
the cowardly assailant and tore him
away, leaving the sword and shield on
the ground, which the shoemaker at
once secured, taking them home as to-
kens of the retributive justice which
had been so signally manifested in his
behalf.
A North American Indian on the trail
is scarcely more pertinacious in pursu-
ing victim which he has marked for
his own than the tiger when engaged in
the same unpleasant business.
A recently married camel-driver was
bringing home his bride when a tiger
espied the party and followed it with
great patience. At turn in the road
the bride was momentarily separated
from the rest of her fellow-travelers
and the tiger instantly seized her.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
GOOD o1D-FAsH1oNED NAMES BEST.

GOOD OLD-FASHIONED NAMES BEST.
In looking over the roster of the Su.
preme bench there is not much encour-
agement to parents to give fancy prano-
mems to their children. Solid old Bible
names, or staid family names, such as
Morrison and Stanley, are the favorite
names worn by the fortunate nine, as
witness two Samuels, John, a Joseph,
Stephen; while Horace and William
represent the substantial Latin and Sax
on elements of our civilization. I think
the Lionels. the Vivians, the Clarences,
are somewhat heavily handicapped in
the race of life.
By the way, the lady correspondents
are beginning to write young Arthur's
name "Alaine" Arthur. I devoutly
hope this is not an authorized" YER
sion. Six months ago it was "Allen, :"
strong, fine and manly as any blonde
young giant could wish, and euphonious
withal, showing also the trace of fond
wife's preference for her husbands name
above all others to bequeath to her baby
boy. I noted with solicitude a few
weeks since that the name appeared as
"Alan" in local society chronicles. If
now it has become "Alaine," hope the
paternal Presidential hand will gently
but firmly lead that gilded youth into
the back shed for discipline. He is too
fine a fellow, with "the makingsr OF
too good and wholesome a manhood in
him, to be calmly permitted thus to dim
his young renown but I imagine it to
be rather the work of some of our es-
thetic dilettante in newspaper gossip,
who do their best to spoil every new
Presidents sons.
Congressman Jonathan Chase. of
Rhode Island, refined and elegant man
OF the Society of Friends, has told me
how greatly in his boyhood he disliked
his given name, but that in later years
he had grown not only satisfied but
quite well pleased with it, remembering
the ideal loveableness of the Jonathan
of scripture, and also the Jonathan who
was the friend of Washington, and so
fraternally allied to him that the name
Brother Jonathan, " by which our coun-
try became personifed, took its rise
from him. Washington letter.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS.

No doubt many will say, and many do
say, that the electrical world has got ex-
cited, and is promising too much; that
insuperable difficulties will come in the
way; that when the temporary excite
ment is over electricity will not be found
to be so much more advantageous than
other forces after all in short, there is
plenty of pointing at cold water and
good deal of throwing OF it. Even
scientific men are found now pooh
pooling ina grandiloquentmannerthefu
ture OF electricity, magnifying difficulties
and minimizing advantages. But let the
reader be patient in the reflection that it
always was so and always will be so.
The greatest men are sometimes behind
their age in practical matters. 1t is not
much more than sixty years since the
most learned men of the day gave ev-
ldence on the subject of gas which to us
now seems almost comic. The Royal
Society reported, In 1914, that no gas
ometer larger than 5000 feet capacity
should be permitted. Such men as Sir
Humphrey Davy and Sir William Con-
greve gave evidence before a select COM
mittee that gasometers 10000 feet ca
pacity were too large for safety; that
they could not understand the ''temer-
ity" Of the Parisians. who then were
building one of 100000 feet capacity,
Sir Humphrey declaring that 1000 was
his limit, and that he would be uneasy if
he lived near one Of 10000. Great fear
was also expressed that if street lamp
went out the wind might blow down the
burner and cause an explosion in the
main. And other witnesses prophesied
the most disastrous consequences from
the Jets faring up and setting fire to
everything near them. In the same
way, when the first steamer was
launched, it was averred that no steam
vessel could ever cross the Atlantic !;
and later, when the screw was intro
duced, one of the largest and most sue
cessful Atlantic shipping companies was
satisfied, On full investigation, that no
screw steamer could ever make an At
lantic voyage. That same company but
few years ago possessed the only re-
naming paddle-ship on the American
route, and has lately launched the
largest screw steamer in the world for
the Atlantic trade-the Great Eastern,
though larger, being both paddle and
screw.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02

Prof. F. Mcintyre lectured in Boston
on "The Wonders Of the Sun, Moon
and Stars" It was remarked, among
other things, that !, 3O5, 900 worlds, the
size of our own, or the planets OF $50
solar systems, might be packed within
the circumference of the sun. Were it
possible to locate the earth in the CEN
ter of the sun, the orbit Of the moon
would fall 1872, 900 miles inside of the
circumference And the heat of this
vast globe is so great that, as the lect-
urer affirmed, if the heat that exists in
one square foot of the sun could be
conveyed to this earth undiminished. it
could run constantly hundred steam
engines Of 100 horsepower each. The
heat Of the sun is sufficient to reduce
the Pacific ocean to steam in twenty
minutes. The suns light is AT times
that of calcium light. An English sci
enlist tried an experiment of projecting
a strong calcium light upon the disk of
the sun, and the result was only an ab-
solutely black spot Tt is supposed
that we have appropriated to the light
Of the sun in the electric light, which
is but "a less than that of the sun.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
WHALEBONE,

The best whalebone is obtained from
the Greenland whale. From the mouth
OF one of these monsters from 1900 to
5000 pounds are often taken. The
manufacture Of whalebone into articles
Of use and ornament is not so extensive
as one might imagine. It is principally
confined to New York and Boston. four
manufactures being in the former and
three in the latter. When the raw
whalebone is first received at the factory
the hair is cut off the slabs. They are
then soaked in water until they are soft,
after which they are scraped of all the
gum that adheres to them. They are
put in steam box, where a workman
straightens them with q knife, they are
finally polished, and are then ready to
be made use of for any purpose that the
dresser may see fit. Whalebone is
principally used nowadays in the manu-
facture of whips and corsets. Umbrella
frames used to be made altogether of
whalebone, but since its scarcity and
high price, steel is mostly used for this
purpose. Whalebone hats and whale
bone ribbon have just come into vogue.
The former look very beautiful and are
comfortable on the head.
Whales, like seals, do not get time to
grow, for they are slaughtered merci-
lessly, young and old, in the pursuit
of wealth. The old ones are often
killed before the young are able to take
care of themselves, and the result of
this cruelty is loss of thousands and
thousands of whales and seals in a year.
Mankind will have to be more thought
full in the work of slaughter if it wishes
to be better compensated by these ami
mails, and the whale must be let alone
for few years if the ladies are to have
fine corsets and the gentlemen fine walk
ing-sticks and riding-whips.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
Il CONFUSED JUROR.

During the administration of Hon.
John Schley, Judge of the Midland Cir
cult of Georgia, one day, in the trial of
a case on the common-law docket before
a petit jury, in which Hon. Charles J.
Jenkins and Quintilian Shrine, Esq,
were on opposing sides, a juror, after
the conclusion of Mr.. Jenkins argu-
ment, and the introduction of Mr..
Skrine's, suddenly rose, left the box,
and rushed out tot the courthouse. Being
brought back, to the courts indignant
demand why he had taken such liberGy
he answered: "Wen, now, Jedge, I'll
jes' tell you how It's. 1 heerd Mr.Jen-
kins's speech, and he made out the case
so plain that I done made up my mind.
And then Mr.. Shrine he got up, and he
went intirely on the back track, he did,
and he were gittin' my mind all confused
up like; and I ies' thought, as for me,
I better leave ontwell he got through.
Well, now, Jedge, jes' to tell you the
plain truth, I didn't like the way the ar
gument was a-gwine. '-HGrper's Naga-
zine.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
A WONDERFUL HOhSE.

There is perceptible GOODNESS be-
tween young Seabury, one of the most
fashionable young men in Austin, and
Gilhooly. Seabury owns horse which
he thinks is the finest horse in the
world. Young Seabury was Dragging
about his horse to crowd of acquaint-
ances, and he said, among other i'm
probable things, that the horse went so
fast on the previous day that he over
took a swallow, the horses ear striking
the bird.
"Are you sure the swallow was not
coming from the opposite direction ?"
asked Gilhooly, with the air of man
who wanted to know.
"Of course not" was the indignant
response.
"I reckon then the swallow wanted
to build her nest in your horses ear.
The horse went so slow the swallow
could not see he was moving. Wonder
full boss. "-7eras Sittings.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
LYING THOUGHTS.
EXPERIENCE is the extract of SUFFERING

EXPERIENCE is the extract of suffering.
A MIND once cultivated will not lie
fallow for half an hour,
PATIENCE, the second bravery of man,
is, perhaps, greater than the first.
The public mind is educated quickly
by events-slowly by arguments.
SPANISH proverb: The man who STUN
bles twice on the same stone is a fool.
IF the end of one mercy were not the
beginning Of another we were undone.
LEARN to take life as it comes, but be
sure to make the best of it before it
goes.
THE wisdom Of the wise, and the ex-
perience of ages, may be preserved by
quotations.
The flowers Of rhetoric are only ac-
ceptable when backed by the evergreens
Of truth and sense.
We do love beauty at first sight, and
we do cease to love it if it is not accom-
panied by amiable qualities.
The virtue of man ought to be meas
ured, not by his extraordinary exer-
tons, but by his everyday conduct.
NOTHING is rich but the inexhaustible
wealth of nature. She shows US only
surfaces, but she is million fathoms deep.
The whole universe of God will crum-
BILE to pieces before God will overlook or
despise one single tear of genuine re-
pentance.
GRIEF should be
Like joy--majestic, equable, sedate,
Confirming, cleansing, raising. making free.
Strong TO consume small troubles, TO command
Great thoughts, grave thoughts thoughts lasting to
he end
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
BILL .4RP'S TEHS,
screw.

Bill jerks lived On Col. Johnson's
land and thought the world Of him, and
says I one day:
"Jinks, now Are you going to vote in
The election
81 don't know" said he, "for Col.
johnson amt at home, and didn't tell
me afore he left, and maybe he hahn t
seen Judge Underwood, and Judge IN
derwood hain't heard from Howell Cobb,
but who in the dickens tells Howell
Cobb I'll be dog'd if know"
The fact is we all belong to some
body, and there is nothing wrong about
it. I love to belong to man whom
respect, and feel that he has got more
sense and Judgment than I have, but
then, at the same time, want some
body to belong to me. Life is a kind of
a staircase with heap of platforms,
and there amt room enough at the top
for US all. Most OF US are lower than
somebody and higher than somebody
else. Dominion is the pride of man
dominion over something.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
ANNOYING ILLUSIONS.

Illusions OF sight often relate merely
to the size of objects. Thus, young
lady who had overtasked herself al
school saw everything of enormous size
at which she looked. The head of a
person seemed to be several feet in di
ameter and little children looked like
giants. So far as her own person was
concerned there were no Illusions. Hell
own hands appeared of the natural size.
but those Of other people seemed to be
of enormous proportions. Sauvages re-
fers to case in which a young woman.
suffering from epilepsy, had the Illusion
of seeing objects greatly magnifed. A
fly to her seemed to be as large as
chicken. In the case which came
under my observation the unreal char
acter OF the perception was fully recog-
nized, and hence the intellect was not
involved.
Morbid Illusions of hearing unaccom.
panied Dy Otner evidences OF mental de-
rangement are not very common. One
case only has come under my observa-
ton. 1t was that of a gentleman to
whom the ticking of a clock was re-
solved into articulate words. Generally
the expressions were in the form Of
commands. For instance, if at dinner.
they would be, Eat your soup !"
Drink no wine. and so on. One day
he made the discovery that, if he closed
the right ear firmly, the illusion disap-
peared; but, if the left ear was closed.
the words were still distinctly heard,
1t was hence clear that the center for
hearing On the right side was the one
affected, and that that on the left side
was normal. For long time this
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
Il REBEL AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

d REBEL and ABRAHAM LINCOLN,
About two years ago, just as I was
dismissing party of visitors from the
door of the catacomb, very plain, mod
est-looking man of middle age ap-
preached and said he had come to see
and learn all he could about the monu-
ment and Lincoln. I proceeded in my
usual way, when visitors are much in
terested, and completed my explanations
on the terrace in front of the statue of
the President. From the general bear
ing of the visitor, should have taken
him for son of an original New En-
gland Abolitionist. When I left off
speaking he remained and seemed re-
luctant to take his eyes from the statue.
After several minutes spent in silent
meditation he astonished me by saying,
substantially: 81 was a soldier in the
Confederate army, and spent four years
doing my utmost to defeat all that Abra-
ham Lincoln was trying to accomplish.
He succeeded, and I have no regrets on
that account"
The visitor then assumed q tragic at
titude, and, raising his right hand to-
ward the statue, said, with elaboration
and emphasis "He was an infinitely
greater man than George Washington
ever was" With his eyes still fixed on
the statue, and as though his whole soul
was in his words, he continued: "Wash-
ington had no difficulty in determining
who were his friends and who were not.
His enemies were principally on the
water, on the other side of it, or officers
and soldiers sent here to enforce the
mandates of tyrant. His friends were
his neighbors, who, in addition to their
struggles for existence in new country,
were oppressed by taxation without rep
resentation. The line was clearly drawn
from the beginning. With Lincoln it
was different. His enemies were in
every department of the Government.
They filed the civil offices, they COM
manded his skeleton of an army, they
trod the decks of his ships, such as they
were. Where they could with IMMUNITY
be open, they were bold and outspoken.
Where it was policy, they were willy,
complaisant and cautious. 1t required
two years, or half his first term, to learn
who were friends and who were enemies:
but he was equal to the emergency.
And through it all little child could
approach him with perfect confidence,
but the most willy statesman could not
swerve him hairs breadth from what
he believed to be right /"
That is what call eulogy, and if the
author of it was not a thoroughly
reconstructed rebel, I never expect to
see one.-CuStOdj0 Power.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
MOTHER'S DARLINGS.

A farmers wife living in Kirkland,
Ohio, during the time when the Nor.
mons were there, asked her Oldest child
to get her pail of water her language,
given in a coaxing manner, was as fol-
lows:
"Come Enoch, you get mother pal
of water, you're good boy"
"Shan't do it! Delile may. She
amt done nothing all day. Great lazy
SLOUGH 1"
"Well, Delilah, you're mothers good
girl /; you get pail of water for mother. >
"Shan't do no such thing, you told
Enoch first and he may"
"Well, Permelia, you're girl after
mothers own heart, you CO."
"Why, I shan't do any such thing.
You told Enoch and Delile frs, and
they may CO."
"Wen, Enos, you go, you're mothers
best boy"
Amt gong to do no such thing. &c
yourself"
"Calista, you go, you're mothers pre-.
cious one."
"You needn't think am going to gel
a pail of water. So there now!"
So the mother took up the pail and
trudged to the spring herself.
Moral Train a child in the way he
should go, and when you are old he vii
get you pail of water.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02

twas too late for remedies. MiIy was
dying She did not appear to suffer,
but lay unconscious, though at intervals
she murmured little snatches of the
hymns she loved best. Suddenly she
sang, and her voice was clear and strong
as ever:
De chariot! de chariot its wheels roll in fire.
A long silence followed, broken only
by the labored breathings of the little
martyr. Then she sang softly and
slowly:
Swing low, sweet chariot, conin'-for to-carry-
The heart broken watchers listened to
catch the remaining words but they
never were sung, unless, it may be, the
strain was finished in the upper home.
Unseen, the mystic chariot had swung
low.-Indepeadent.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
THE POET.

Who is this Creature with Long Hair
and Wild Eye He is a Poet. He
writes Poems on Spring and Women's
Eyes and Strange, unreal Things Of that
Kind. He is always Wishing he was
Dead, but he wouldn't Let anybody XIII
him if he could Get away. A mighty
good Sausage-Stuffer was Spoiled when
the Man became a Poet. He would look
well Standing under a Descending Pile
driver.-De,aUer Tribune Primer.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
an APT RETORT.

". W. O'Brien, awell-known Chicago
attorney, while cross-examining a wit
ness, who had testified that he was cab.
inet-maker, asked care you a physi.
cian?"
"No; and I never claimed to be-" was
the reply.
ooh, WE'LL" said the attorney, "1
have seen great many fools who were
physicians and great many who were
not"
"And 1 have seen a great many law.
yers who were gentlemen and great
many who were not" retorted the wit.
ness.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02

their barbarous captors. He adds that
more human beings were eaten on this
little isle of Bau than anywhere else in
Fiji 1t is very hard, indeed, to realize
that the peaceful village on which am
now looking has really been the scene of
such horrors as these, and that many of
the gentle, kindly people around me
have actually taken part in them.-At
Home in Fiji Cumming.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
-sGA59

gentleman resisted accepting any OF
these Illusions as facts, but after time
he began to be influenced by them to
the extent of regarding them as guides.
Eventually he put clocks in every room
In his house, and protested to be gov
erned altogether by the directions they
gave him.-Dr. William 4. Ham
naO7od, IN Popular Science Monthhv.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02

BALTIMoREANs claim that the courte-
Gus behavior toward ladies by gentle
men in the street-cars of the city would
cause my Lord Chesterfield to turn
green with envy.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-06-02
Ireland, 1877,
ONE OF TIE LATE DENIS FLORENCE M'cARTHYs
PATRIOTIC POEMS

PATRIOTIC POEMS.
God of justice! God of power!
Do We dream? Can it be,
In this land, in this hour,
With the blossom on the tree,
In the gladstone month Of May,
When the young lambs play,
When the nature looks around
On her waking children now,
The seed within the ground,
The bud upon the bough?
Is it right, is it fair,
That We perish of despair
In this land, on this soil
Where our destiny is set,
Which we cultured with our tot
And watered with our sweat:
We have plowed, we have sown,
But the crop was not our own;
We have reaped, but harry hands
Swept the harvest from our lands
We were perishing for food,
When 10! in plying mood
Our kindly rulers gave
The fat fluid OF the slave,
While our corn filed the manger
Of the war-horse of the stranger.
God of mercy must this last?
Is this land preordained,
For the present, and the past,
And the future, TO be chained
To be ravaged, to be drained,
To be robbed, TO be spoiled,
To be hushed, 10 be whipt,
Its soaring pinions clipt,
And its every effort foiled?
Do our numbers multiply
But to perish and to die?
Is this al our destiny below
That our bodies as they rot
Nay foItilize the spot
Where the harvests Of the strangers grow?
II this be indeed our fate,
Far, far better now, though late,
That we seek some other land and try some othe
zone;
The coolest, bleakest shore
VIII surely yield Us more
Than the storehouse Of the stranger hsS we dare nc
call our own.