National Republican., 1883-05-14


probably her own fault.
A New YORK gunsmith has invented an
internal machine that can be carried In silx
hat. is 1t brick7-RATdio Courier
THERE are 1000 young unmarried men in
one district of Manitoba. No doubt many es.
eaped brldesrooms also find their way there
CourierJournai
IF you ask a bald headed man how bo
would prefer 10 be upholstered hen likely ex.
press desire for mo'-hair on the top of his head
-Yonkeys Gd.ete
JUST because Buffalo Bill Is about TO start
out again with his great realistic border drama"
tho Kansas City Journal doesn't want 10 have any
Thanksgiving this year.
RHODE ISLAND man is laboring under
tho delusion that twenty Masons aro pursuing
him. The Commercial Advertiser thinks no must
have brick in his hat.
A HoUsEKEEPER asks; "What is tho sim
plest way to keep Jelly from molding on topg'
The Commercial Advertiser answers; Shut n small
BOY up IN the pantry for few minutes
WIERD tale lin the Courier-Journal;
Rhode Island man has left his boarding bouse
under mysterious circumstances. The mysteri.
Gus circumstances are probably too many courses
of bull neck
LONDON magazine for 1894 contains tho o.
following almost unique death announcement.
In childbed OF her thrtieth child, the wife OF
Mr.. Joseph Sims, ut the Bell Inn, Cambridge
County Gloucester"
They were courting. "Dont sit SO near
me- she said "I Amt near you," said he, "You
are" II AMT" but you will be-" "No
won't neither" Then you'd better go home for
hain't got no use for you No cards.-Cin ,innau
Drummer.
II WONDER who that man is9" said souire
aQ n ndt
shop. "oh, that's an undertaken" answered
Aminadab. IAN undertaken Eyes, he's un.
oertaking to steal enough In one day to last him
the other six."-Adrdthon Independent
GERMAN living near Buffalo had an idea
the other day that he had been given a divine
command to become hen aud lay eggs. and bo
began Setting" Amer vainly endeayorinc To
''shoo" him of his most his wife had him sent TO
an Insane asylum. She hadn't sense enough To
duck the old rooster.
BOSTON Globe: To West End barber sbon
enters a farmer. "Nextp shouts his razon,bin
YOU'RE next, sir. Shave, srg At which our
country cousin humbly seats himself on the foot
rest. "No, no; sit here, sir" says the barber.
what! In that nice chair? Why, l thought you
were going to sit there
SO STRICT are the rules of the Russian or
| thodox church that the grand requiem services on
the second anniversary OF the assas sluation of
Alexander H. falling this year in the rst week of
Lent, were postponed until the eighteenth. no
celebration. solemn or festive, being permitted by
the holy synod during the first days of the Lenten
| fast, ..lNf.-.--.,
| A SwEDE once laid wager that he would
go down one OF the almost perpendicular ladders
IN a Lake Superior Iron mine, face foremost with
can OF nitro 'giScerine in his hand Not only did
ne 90 IT, but a crowd Of his fellow miners gath.
cred to witness the feat, although one false stem
fellow, and half the lookersJn might also have
been killed.
THERE is a good deal of quiet humor in
piano men. A week or 80 ago stelnway agent
advertised second hand Chickering, which he
described as "a fine piece Of cabinet work, and
Just the thing for an ironing board" Shortly af.
terward the Chickering agent got hold of a second
hand steinway and advertised 1t as admirably
adapted for use as an ice chest, and warranted to
scare rats away whenever played upon"
AFTER witnessing the play of "Othello at
the dramatic festival the editor OF the Cincinnati
Enquirer was moved to moraze in this fashion in
his paper: "A young lady of high lineage and
great accomplishments who elopes with oolored
man, AFTER doing the main part of the courtinR
herself Is not pleasing picture to any father of A
family who has bestowed Vassar ad dyantages unon
his daughter" Cincinnati Just "wallers" in the
drayma.
THE boys were calling names and disputine
on Larned street when gentleman halted and
said 70 the eldest Boy, this isn't beginning life
right" He sassed me flstp "But he is tho
smallest How 1t sounded for you to twit him
with his father In the penltentiary He has gone
away crushed and degraded" "We.l, I'm sorry"
replied the boy, after moments thought, land
guess I'll run after him and tell him my father
is In the workhouse Thatn kind o. take his
lonesome feelin' awayr'-Detroa Free Press.
ACCORDING to the Scientific american the
stored electric light is carried about tho streets of
Paris as kerosene is here and II is said TO have be.
come favorite means Of Illuminating houses on
social and official occasions. Tho accumulators
are carried in vehicle which is stationed I'm
, front of the house, and electric wires are con.
Quoted into the building through tho windows.
Incandescent lamps are placed in the ordinary
candelabrums and the fitting up of the most
complex lighting " an affair Of but a very short
time.
The most conspicuous pupil in the public
schools Of Plttsburg, and the pride of the Chinese
colony of that city, is Celestial lad Of Is years
, named Lum Yam, who arrived in this country
/ last November, and went directly to his uncle in
4 Plttsburg. The uncle had already come under
! Christian influences, and was glad TO have his
4 nephew follow his EXAMPLE. 1t was feared tina.
the public school children would make life bur.
den to tho young oriental but their sense of man.
illness and fair play was deity touched by the
| teachers, and they at once became his champions.
! He wears his cue colled on top OF his head, but
, dresses like the other boys, plays like them and
: TO say the least cuts as many capers. He obeys
the rules, tells the truth, and makes extraordinary
progress in his studies.
I The Charleston Ne,Cs says story is circu-
o lating among hotel men that during the past
: winter a lady from Boston, accompanied by three
servants engaged three rooms at one Of the hotels
S in jacksonville. The proprietor assigned her
three of the best rooms on the parlor floor. Upon
= arrival she was shown tho rooms, but said they
: did not suit her. Being told that they were tho
best rooms the city afforded, she ordered a car.
rage went out to the stores, ana spent over S501
a in hitting up the rooms with rugs, curtains, and
A bric-a. brac. She occupied thom just one week.
a and then left all her purchases behind her and
q went to the Magnolia hotel, on the st. Johns
:, river, where she paid 5000 week board for her.
/, self and suite. She returned north on Il special
car which must have cost not less than $500 Thia
/, is rather an apochyphal yarn.
'' A PEAoEABLE citizen of Michigan who is
engaged in the business OF "torpedolne'' salt
wells and dealing with explosives In perfectly
! legitimate way, wrote TO a friend in England not
= long ago and inclosed the letter in his own bust t.
ness envelope, which bears in tho corner the fol.
lowing printed legend: "If not called for in ten
days return 10 II. H. Thomas, dealer In nitro -gly
n cerine, dynamite, giant powder. and high explo-