The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-06-06
The Daily Bulletin.
WIT AND HUMOR.

vi FLUSHING.
Dressmakers ought to make good rail.
road conductors, they are accustomed Il
making up long trains.
Most women tremble at the discharge
OF gun, and yet they are perfectly
familiar with powder putfs.
There's difference between tho af-
liability OF a young girl and the tahfybil-
ity of the experienced lirt
Mark Twain is the name of a Colo
RADIO mine, Can't be because they have
TO dig over good deal of rubbish TO
get any metal out Of it, can it?
II you ask baldheaded man how he
would prefer to be upholstered, he'll
likely express desire for mo'-hair on
the top Of his head.
II is said that when cricket alights
on the neck OF a New York dude he
screams louder than the girl who sees q
snake at the picnic,
When an elderly maiden lady adorns
herself with false hair, false teeth, paint,
powder, etc, she is making up" for
lost time.
When a certain bachelor was married,
members Of the bachelor club broke him
up by sending him, as a wedding present,
copy of Paradise Lost"
History repeats itself is an old say.
ing, but you can't make boy believe it
who has been up at school with his les
sons unlearned.
Teacher "Can you tell me which is
the olfactory organ9" Pupil frankly
answers: mo, sir. Teacher: Cor
rect" Pupil goes off in brown study.
"The jacks trumped," said the card
player as the train jolted uncomfortably
"And the track S jumped, said his part
ner, as the train rolled into the ditch.
Should music be sold by the chord?
Drum music might be sold by the pound
News. And bad music is very often CIV
en- away by the choir.
A new editor, who had wrote his first
article Of wit, explained to the manag-
ing editor, who called him up to rebukc
him, that the article was all right as q
punishment for some person.
Said Mrs. Blank at the funeral of
dear friend; 1T is too bad, isn't it, that
Clara was 50 thin when she died? How
much better she would look had she died
before she lost so much feshn'
An exchange says that whstling to
piano accompaniment is new within Of
New York society bellies. AS people
cannot talk while whistling, the idea is
not such bad one.
Mrs. Spaggins was Boosting of her
new house. The windows, she said, were
stained That's too bad but won't
turpentine or benzine wash ii off?n ask
ed the good Mrs. Oldboy,
NO, father isn't drone, either"
said bright lad; Hes philanthro-
pist, and collects money for the heather
10 Africa to pay for our house and
things
The Hindoos are said to have $50, 000,-
900 gods In order to give the requisite
attention to their religion these heather
must have a lot of idol time at their dis
posal.
Inductiyc reasoning Mr., William
Doodle; "Yes, Miss Frost,l always wear
gloves at night; they make ones hands
so soft" Miss Frost; "Ah! and do you
sleep with your hat on?"
man in New York has refused to
tell why he attempted suicide. 1t is
probable, however, that in suddenly
turning a corner he encountered dude,
and at once perceived that life was a
burden.
We suppose the principal reason the
Brooklyn bridge directors refused to al
low Mr. Barnum the first opportunity of
sending his elephant across the bridge
was that they did not want the jumbo
VS. to acquire the habit of crossing it.
81 set three hens this season, but they
all left their nests before the Matching
time. Can any use be made Of the
eggs?" Certainly, Save them until
next winter Oscar Wilde is coming
over TO play Romeo.
A Judge remarked: Gentlemen of
the jury, in this case the counsel on both
sides are unintellgible; and the plant
i'll and defendant are both such bad
characters, that to me it is indifferent
which way you give your verdict
In Washington: what does the fig
ure on the capitol representa- Lib
erty." Female figure, is it notP"
Eyes" Every pretty; but what kind
of woman is this symbol of liberty
and independence supposed to beP' "a
servant-girl, believe"
Settled with bullet" says one Of
our Wisconsin exchanges in giving an
account of murder. 1t does not state
the cause of the trouble between them,
but it is high time that the present gen.
GRAFTON should learn to have no dealings
whatever with bullet.
The following order for set of teeth
was recently received by Plattsburg,
N. Y, dentist: my mouth is three
inches across, tive-eighths inches through
the jaw. Sum hummocks on the edge.
Shaped like horseshoe, toe forward.
II you wish to be more particular shall
have to come thar"
An old colored preacher in Atlanta.
Ca, was lecturing youth of his fold
about the sin of dancing, when the lat
ter protested that the bible plainly said:
"There is no time to dance" Eyes, dar
am q time to Dance" said the dark di-
vine, IAN it's when a boy gets whip.
pin for goin to bal"
The New York dispatches state that