Milford chronicle., 1883-03-30
WIT AND WISDOM.


piled: "steal, because 1 can restore; but
a lie is forever.
NOTHING so strongly tests a mans ve-
raoity as to be summoned to the door to
he confronted with the question Are
you the head Of the house,"
THE Atlanta Constitution amiably
assures David Davis that he need have
no fear that his new-made wife viii not
stick to him. She is a Burr
DEIMoNuco's head cook gets sl5, 900
year. Yanderbilt's chef has contract
for long term Of years at $1,000 per
annum. Go East, young man.
If you want 10 set man crazy. send
him a notice which he knows to be fiat
tering to himself in German paper
which he cant read. Boston Post.
"oh, pa, said a young lady, Why
don't You get fir trees? It would be
economical to raise oyr own ftirs. and
then we could raise whatever kind we
wish.
A RAID. HEADED man who has heard
that the hairs Of mans head are num-
bered, wants to know if there is ne, some
place where he can obtain the back
numbers
"YOU'BE getting quite bald, old man;
You Try rum" "Ruml So I have. I've
bought gallons Of it 'Ah, I see but
then, p'r'aps, you could never get it any
higher than your mouthr
WHEN Pat was sent to the lobster pot
10 see if there was anything in it he said,
upon returning: "There was no ripe ones,
SOFT; there was only Crane ones, so T
tossed them all overheard
The foolish man foldeth his arms and
saith; There is no trade, why should
l advertise ?" But the wise man is not
so. He whoopeth it up in the nowspa-
pers, and verify he draweth trade from
afar.
A PHILADELPHIA tobacconist an
nounces as his motto, conspicuously put
in the window, we Study To Please
and as evidence thereof offers, for only
81, box Of some Very Exelent "
cigars
The latest invention is a burglar-proof
tomb. There are persons, no doubt, who
would like to have a tomb which, in the
language Of the day, it would
puzzle Old Nick to open Boston
Transcript
'No, SIR, said the old Indian down
IN Maine, ''I don't have my boys taught
learned it, and the curse
IF my life has been the remarks of peo-
pie who thought themselves funny, to
he effect that was very pleasant be-
,ause was an Indian summer.
LITTLE Johnny, who was writing
composition about hens, said he knew
where hens came from, but didn't know
where they got eggs. People says that
Iens lay eggs, but I know better My
lther keeps lots Of hens, and when we
-aut any eggs he always sends me to the
tore for them. Boston Transcript
ENTHUSIASTIC Professor Of Physics,
iscussing the organic and inorganic
inqdoms: "Now, if should shut my
drop my head-so-and
nould not move, you would say l was a
od q But move, leap, run; thon
hat do you call me?' Voice from the
ar; "A clodhopper Glass is dis
issed
A BOY paid his first visit to one Of the
lblio schools the other day as a scholar,
ID as he came home at night his mother
CURED "Well, Henry, how do you
&c going 10 school 2" "Oh, " be replied,
an excited voice; Il saw four boys
,ked, one girl got her ears pulled and
g scholar burned his elbow on the
owe. don't want to miss a day"
PRorEssoR B1AcKIE once chalked on
S notice-board in college, The Pro
ssor is unable to meet his Glasses to-
orrow.' a waggish student removed
e 60" leaving lasses. When the
,ofessor returned he noticed the new
ndering. Equal TO the occasion the
.ofessor quietly rubbed out the g I"
d joined in the hearty laugh Of the
ses.
'Why are YOU in such a hurry TO get
me ?" one Frenchman asked another
10 had recently arrived in New York
d had already bought a ticket for the
urn trip. "Ah, my friend, 7 return
1t 1 may become q amember Of the Cabi-
t." "Indeedl What hope have You
that 2" "They viii have tried every
Ter Frenchman by the time ] get to
ris and I must hurry to take my turn.
LIFE
4 WAGON containing a calf in a cage
s on the market a few days ago with
mers wife in charge, aud q butcher
h an eye to veal stepped up and in
iTed: Madam is that calf for sale n
'es, sir. rs he Durham p He
" be" "Isn't an Ayrshire, is he2
ike enough" Don't you know his
sed ?" he asked in surprised voice.
-o. / don't. sThen how do you ex-
It to sell him ?" nAll I know about
t calf is that his father hooked a
tice Of the peace tosdsath, and his
ther chased "a female lecturer two
es, and if that amt breed enough to
81 on, you needn't take him. The
cher said the breed was al ri"'
IN