Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1883-11-12
The for puttin9 the has again


forting assurance, as he calls it, that a
bee can sting only once. Once is enough.
''Yess," said Miss Penn, II rejected
Mr.. Hogg. Nice fellow, but | couldn't
have the announcement of my marriage
appear in the papers under the headline
Hogg-Penn. boston Post.
1t is said that nothing is of so much
Importance to a young man as to be crit
icised by woman. 1t is when youth
is popping the question that he fully feels
the force of this observation.-Neag York
Journal.
A credulous man said to a wag, who
had a wooden leg, Chow came you to
have q wooden leg?" ''Why," answered
the wag, ''my father had one, so had my
grandfather. 1t runs in the blood. =
Chicago Eye.
Human nature reveals itself in the
smallest concerns of life. A lad was
watching a man beat carpet, and said
''That mans boy must have good times.
Why, that man couldn't lick the stuf1ing
out of a ten-cent doll"
II am waiting, my darling, for thee, -
he waIbled; and vet when the old man
threw up chamber window and assured
him that she'd be down in a minute" he
lost his grip on the melody and went out
of the waiting business.
'Argument ter a hungry man is like
flingin' ashes to de chickens-all lost. A
mans stomach is got ter be in mighty
satisfied condition afore he is willin' to
set down an listen ter pusson what
amt got no mo- sense den he has"
A horse baked with a New Hampshire
woman the other day, and she quietly
took out her knitting and set there for
nine hours, when the horse concluded
he'd better go along. He'd never had
any experience with woman before.
''Dar's such thing as habiu' too much
patience. Somehow l has alers thought
dat de man what ken set all day in dc
shade waiten' for de fish ter bite is a lazy
pussen. Use dun dis myself an / knows
dat I amt a hankerin' airter hard work. .
A child without q nose is late Chica-
go production. Nature never makes a
mistake. If the Chicago lake smells as
copiously during the summer as reported
by the papers there, that child will be
envied by the entire population of the
city.
A victim of domestic infelicity, who is
in the habit of dreaming, should never go
to sleep in church. A congregation near
Quincy was somewhat startled one Sab
bath when venerable member excitedly
yelled, ''Hare, now! drop that skillet, old
woman!"
That golden spike driven on the North
ern Pacific a few days ago was all for
show. 1t was replaced by an iron one
within an hour. No use buying Il claw
hammer and heading for the west to get
under the head of that nail.-Detrott
Free Press.
Young Mr.. Brown was making an eve
ming call, when his best girls little broth
er approached him and begged the loan
of his whistle. s'Whistle?" queried Mr..
Brown, II have no whistle 'sWell, papa
says you have" continued the little wing
less angel, 'sand that you are all the time
wetting it,
A darkey not long since was much tried
by the obstinacy of mule. After much
urging and kindness to the brute, he
broke out with: s'Look hyar, now, meb-
by you think cause jined the church last
Sunday that / can't use big words; but
I'll have you to know I'm gwine to make
a 'ception in your special CASE
'Now, then, madame, please look
steadily at this place on the wall" said a
photographer to an old lady, when heput
her in a position AMI the plate in the
camera. The old lady looked hard at the
spot indicated, and then got up and
walked across the floor and minutely in
spected it, and then turning to the pho
tographer, gently remarked: sI don't
see anything there. J"
Almost hint: elbows yer comm on
| in yer new placer" asked Uncle Nose OF
! Gabe Snodgrass, who had recently ac-
cepted position as porter in an Austin
| hardware store. 'sI's not comm on very
fas', Uncle Nose. De boss tole me some
fin dis mornin', and eff he don't take il
back he's gwine ter lose me, sho eZ vel
born" sWhat did he tole yer?" stHt
told me to consider myself discharged.
Te1as Siiftings.
1t is related of small boy in one of tht
public schools of this state that he wa:
| asked wnere the zenith was. He replied
ssThe spot in the heavens directly owe
ones head" To test his knowledge fur
ther the teacher asked: ssCan two per
sons have the same zenith at the sam
time?1 ssThey can s'How?" ssIf on
could stand on the others head.'
GENTLEMEx.-H Having been afflicted for numbe
of years with indigestion and general debility, b
the advice of my doctor | used Hop Bitters, an
must say they afforded me almost instant relief