Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1883-04-28
T., SATURDAY, APRIL 20, 1883.
WIT AND HUMOR.

| list; likewise chllls and fever.
A man is not dishonest simply be-
cause he holds an Office, but the
chances are against him.
1t is the father of twins who knows
what it is to be up all night with the
boys.
Diamonds should not be washed in
soap and water. Country editors
please take notice.
If the Japanese Prince is fond of
variety the number of ways his name
is spelled ought to satiate him.
A Western editor tells what he
would do if he were jackass. He'd
probably follow Mrs. Langtry about.
The man who will borrow money
and never pay it back would steal if
he were not coward.
If it is true that every man has his
price it is equally true that every
man does not get it.
When a writer has ideas for which
there is no English he may be excused
for using a foreign language.
The fat patient who was advised by
his physician to try light diet ate
enough pop corn to float a balloon.
Throwing red pepper down the reg
lister of church Will force the wicked
est congregation to its sneeze.
An exchange asks: VIII tho COM
ing woman work?" She will if she
marries lazy husband.
Money is called the great circulat.
ing medium because men have to
circulate lively to get medium
amount of it.
A Southern paper says that il
Henry Bergh really looks like his
picture it is cruelty to animals topper
NIT him to live.
England fixes the salary of an ex-
lie at $4,000. Even newspaper man
would be willing to be ostracised for
that amount.
A new book is entitled "How to
Wash Baby" 1t omits the usual
precaution peculiar to recipes,
First catch your baby"
A man who can condense a column
into tive-line paragraph needn't
feel tickled over it. Any fool can
utter grunt in reply to an inquiry a
rod long.
A dispatch says the City of Wash
ington is full of Congressman and
thieves. Why this redundancy of
expression?
England is hereby notified that she
needn't export any more scandals to
this country. We've got enough OF
our own.
"Are you going to shave me as you
did yesterdays" asked man who
had taken place in local barber S
chair. YES" replied the barber.
"Then give me chloroform," was the
victims request.
1t is against the law to have fun
with a boy in New Jersey. A black
smith asked little chap to pick up
a hot horseshoe for him, and the lads
blister felt great deal cooler when
the jury gave him 5000 damages.
Speaking of Joseph Cooks posi-
tiveness regarding Christian theology,
the Hartford COurdnt recalls that
"St. Paul knew in part and prophe-
sled in part, but then-he didn't live
in Boston"
Over 100000 plants are known to
botanists and yet out of the lot the
doctors can't make mixture that
will undo in ten minutes the work a
hornet has done in two seconds.
Does man amount to much?
The honest tradesman knows how
to make a customer happy. All that
is necessary is to charge him 20 per
cent. more than market price, and
whisper in his ear, But I'll let you
have it for 10 per cent Off"
Professor William G.. Sumner of
Yale College lectured in Brooklyn re-
Gently upon "The Forgotten Men,
The name of ex-President Hayes, the
New York Commercial observes,
strange to say, was not even men
toned.
General Sherman says he doesn't t
want "four years of hell" and there
fore he Will not be candidate for
President. The country doesn't want
"four years of HE'LL" either, remarks
the st. Louis Globe Democrat, and
therefore it will not elect General
Sherman to the Presidency.
X is alluding to an acquaintance in
terms the very reverse of COM
pllmentary. "Curious to hear you
saying that of himr' remarks a
friend; 81 thought you were
under obligations to him." who?
L? Oh, no; not at all. You
see, he lent me some money once. but
the next time I wanted to borrow of
him he refused, merely because l
hadn't returned the first, and SO that
made it even."
The prince of science, having cast
his eye over the table to see that none
of the Instruments are missing or
misplaced, is about to amputate his
patients leg.
The patient bursts out into lamenta-
tions.
"Come, come, my good fellow"
says the surgeon, encouragingly,
"don't take on so. Try and fix your
mind on something elser'
A l;ttla r;rl Soma throa or four