The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-10-03
coMrc COM MENTs.
Never comes to time--To-morrOwaq


Never comes to time Tomorrow
Border enterprise Fleeing out the car.
pets. 8 a85.ll Oh SD
"A kid-cleansing establishment pub.
lie bath-house. on 10 val Eas
"A summer resort--borrowing our neigh.
bor's lawn mower .i lsasg
"a The beam is directly opposite the scale,
because it is just over the weigh. 81 81
The man who lets well enough alone il
the chap who always uses cistern water
NesO York Aduertiser.d 6.5,.s, s
Jones, on being advised to marry and
settle down, replied that the great thing was
to settle up and marry .,s 81
Is IA fair court record remarked q
coquette as she wrote the name of her six.
teenth rejected lover in her diary. -,
The new Western weather prophet Is
proud Of bis name Straw. He. IS sure he
can tell which way the wind win blow,
The tiny cochineal insect gives. BIZ. body
e be ground into paint and dyes. Soisnti-
&c Exchange. Il would DO more remark
able Il this bug would permit itself To- be
ground into paint and refuse to die.
--Au exchange says. 4 Mississippi
dog bit of a boys nose and swallowed It."
This shows the thoughtfulness of the dog.
II he had swallowed the nose without biting
u of, Il must have proved fatal to the boy.
mo" said a Philadelphia philantLro-
pist, 81 cared nothing about the swindIe
only sued the man as an act of charity.
There are G5,O0o lawyers in the United
States, and net work enough for half of
them. VI Mladel pAia Nesss. ais
Some men unpleasantly comb their
mustache at the table, remarks writer.
This is cruel, and the society for the pre-.
vention of striking mustaches when they
are down should suppress such an exhibit
sion.-Neto FORK Adoertiser.
-"Y es," soliloquized the storekeeper.
when he heard commercial traveller rap.
ping at bis door, 81 had heard that brass
knockers on front doors were to be revived,
but l did not suppose that they would get
around as soon as this n--B Boston Tran
script.
Odd lady to druggist -"'I want a box of
canine pills." Druggist" What's the mat
ter with the dogP" Old lady Indignantly
- want you to know, sir, that my hus-
band is gentlemanln Druggist puts up
some quinine pills in profound silence
Nee York Adpertiser.
-" You ought to see my new dog" said
a. to b. Hes one of the best Gordon
settlers ever saw" tive got setter that
will lay over him." rejened b. Bet you a
V you haven't" "Taken," said b. The
bet is still undecided because B. trotted out
a hen. Boston Courier.
"A paragraph is going the rounds of the
press to the effect that Mr.. Gould is having
lot " saints and angels painted for his
tomb. This Is mistake. Tho artist has
been given an order to paint lfe-size rep
resentation of camel passing through thu
eye OF needle.--Neao York World.
-" Ugh ~ axolainaad Adelrhss, .sha
buffers beastly salt dye lnow2 can taste
1t ON my mustache, pom honor" "My
boy, replied Fogg, q let me congratulate
you you'll be rich man one of these days;
I'm glad to know that you've begun to salt
down so early in fe.n-Bostoss Traascrips,
Col. Faceabout Ia nominated for town
officer. Do you think ?" asks his nearest
friend, "that the Colonel will run well 2"
No doubt of it," replies Corp. Lance, who
was in the Oolonels regiment; "that Is II
be hasn't changed wonderfully. know he
used to run well when he was in the army.r
--Boston Transcript Aaa a4
The stage beard looks as much like o
beard that grew there as cows tail would
II tied to the bronze dog on the front porch.
When You tie a heavy black beard on q
young actor whose whole soul would be
churned up If he smoked nll-fiedged cigar,
he looks about as savage as a bowl of mush
and milk struck with club. - Montana
Gasette. M
Oscar Wilde is in favor OF giving ones
wife name msthetically suggestive Of her
husbands business A good plan. A
chemists wife would be then Ann Eliza o
furniture dealers, Sophia a farmers, Tillyi
a flsherman's, Nettie tonsorial artists
Barbara, pawnbroker's, Jew-lia; q bur
glars, Kitty; an attorneys, Lawn; q bar
keepers Gin-evra and an editors Rita
Rather suspicious: .f,rhe situation
seems to be good, the soil is fertile and the
river Is full of fish, but don't think should
be willing to settle down here" said the
stranger. "Wby not2" asked the country.
man, who had been trying to sell him
farm. Because there are several doctors
in the place and they look altogether too
contented and happy Brooklyn Eagle