The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-07-25
COMIC COMMENTS.

-heeff0rmerS: Inc cOral WORM.
The Weather Bureau is the storm scent
ter
"A quack doctors wife should wear "a
duck of n bonnet
Solomon appled-Spare the rod and
improve the trouting
The favorite song of the literary critic
Sitting on the style"
Very few people nowadays suffer from
suggestion of the brain.
If every dog had his day, how long
would bench show last
Check il one of the hardest worked
business capitals in the country.
If you want to see man indulge in the
maizey dance, tread ON his pet corn.
What is there in q woman which is
most suggestive of early death 2 Ahem, her
age.
-Telegraphy is not such a very old dis
covery, but it's Morse-grown one, never
theless.
1t is stated as fact that many people
hear best when their eyes are closed. Think
of this in church.
To remove pnint Sit on q freshly
daubed cellar door, or wash the rosy cheeks
of sleeping beauty.
He is an even-tempered carpenter who
,an keep his spirit-level when another work.
man wants 10 borrow it.
-"Ispread my waves from poll to pol"
remarked the wig-maker as he rented an
other capillary adornment.
-"Jenhins is On every day sort of a
man," said X. +" Yes, always thought him
waab sf,aninnnn nf humanity grnwlAa q
Some one wants to know why Nilsson
announces every concert she gives in Boston
as farewell Because she does fare well
every time.
What is the simplest way to keep jelly
from molding on top a-Boarding House
Keeper. Put it on the table once in q while
Philadelphia Nesos.
-" Postponed on account OF the weather"
as the timid city man said when he didn't
60 through sheep pasture with q belliger-
ent ram holding the fort.
-"Mr. Isaac, can You tole me we're vas
the first diamonda" mo, Mr.. Yawcobs !;
we're vas it ?" Ivy, Noah's son on der ark !;
he vas Shem of der fust water"
A Venetian glass manufacturer is fabri.
eating ladies' bonnets by the thousands, and
selling them, too. That style of bonnet
ought to make good looking lasses.
When Carlyle said that everybody
should have an aim in life he had no refer.
ence to the fair sex. He had doubtless often
seen woman trying to throw stone at q
hen.
Rev. DIR. Pussy left personal estate of
more than $4,000. All his property goes
to his daughter, Miss Mary Amelia Brine.
That is to say, it is all sailed down. Boston
Transcript.
-Self-preservation the first law OF nature:
4" What makes chickens come out of their
SHE'LL they must be so Moe and warm and
comfortable inside ?" "P'raps it's because
they're afraid of being boiled. London
Judy.
"A thoughtful unc!e Rich nncle to his
physican-"S So you think there Is hope for
me?" "Not only that, but can assure you
that you are saved" "yery well, 1 wish
you would inform my nephew; but break
the news gently to him. Fhiegeade Biat
ter.
Fact and fancy: As a matter of fact
George Washington sat down in the boat
and held on to the seat when he crossed the
Delaware, but such position would not
make striking tableau, and so the hero OF
the ferry passed into pictorial history stand
ing.
Weak in geography: An application
was made at railroad ticket Office in this
city not long since for ticket to New
Hampshire. "To what part of the State ?"
was the question asked by the agent.
"Well," was the reply, ~ don't exactly
know, but it's next to that place called Yer.
ont"- Neacport Ne,os
How friendships are kept warm: Mrs.
Jones--"Oh, I've left out the Brownsl
Must we invite them? ?" Jones" Hang it
all, it's a beastly bore, but I suppose we
must.p Mrs. Brown" An invitation from
the Joneses, love. Must we accept ?"
Brown" Confound it! It's ghastly
nuisance. but l suppose we must. London
Punch
The latest thing in China: He Ito his
iancee) -" say, Julia, old girl, have you
noticed this 2" She (who hates to have peo-
pie talk to her when she ia readng)-" No."
He" What Not seen this sweet thing in
China" She with enthusiasm sob, in
rhinal What is tn" He" Sugar" She
breaks the engagement. -Neao York Life.
Wants Watching; A highwaywoman
named Annie Richie was arrested for
snatching watch from Joseph Pullen, who
was walking down Greenwich street. As
she has heretofore been found guilty of
similar offense it is presumed that pullin'
watches has made Annie rich. Annie should
change her name TO Reconstruction" be.
cause she Is 1.-THE thief of time."-Nes
Yo~k Adyerf;eer