News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-01-25
A FEW STRAY Jokes.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS.
Bad Habit-The Baby's Adventurc-A sad
Christmas Eve, Etc.
THE BABY's ADVENTURE.

, into fowl the other day IN Dig Two
horse wagon, and the woman carried in
her arms a baby wrapped up in an old
bed Quilt As there was good deal
more bed quilt than baby, the little one
slipped out and tumbIed unhurt into Il
soft place in the street, and the couple
logged on serenely unconscious that
anything was wrong until bevy Of small
boys chased after them yelling:
Say, mister, you have lost some
thing.
Don't look round, " said the woman,
nudging her husband. Its them city
boys, and they aIIus act Jest So
s.S-a-y missis, be this yours - shout
ed the boys in chorus.
''Hain't you dropped nothin', Sue p
inquired the farmer, anxiously.
mo, [ haven't, answered his wife.
'.This amt the fust Of April, is it? It's
just them city young uns up to their
tricks" she continued, shifting the bed
quilt little: then she felt its emptiness.
Lord massey where's the baby gone
top"
They both looked back and then saw
a crowd of boys sworming at the end of
the wagon, and in their midst a happy,
dusty baby. delighted with the situation.
1t didn't take them long to recover the
youngster, and, wrapping it more Sc
eureIy in its patchwork, they logged on
again.-Dch'0H Free Press.
A BRIDEGROO0I's MISTAKE.
The Fall River Nclrs tells this story
Within few weeks a young man well
known in this city, was married to the
lady of his choice He loved her dearly,
and determined to pay the minister lib
orally for the service that united two
hearts that beat as one. When he put
on his wedding clothes, he counted out
one roll of bills for the minister and
another to pay the expenses Of the we'd
ding trip. After the ceremony he
thanked the good clergyman in fitting
terms and handed him a roll of bills,
but. alas, the wrong roll. The minister,
on his return to his home, was surprised
at the munihcence of his fee, but, "for-
trmately, being an honest man" he
fastened to the depot, and succeeded in
arriving there before the train with the
young couple left, exchanged the we'd
ding trip money for the intended fee, |
and received the thanks Of confused
but grateful husband.
THE BULLETS.
SHAY, officer, what I want to know
! is where are the bullets 2" asked a we'll |
dressed young man in Union square,
New York, not long since.
"Ah, go on; go on, " said the police
man.
''No. shir: I will not go on. In fact,
I mosht respectfully refuse to go onuatii
20 rep.y to my question. What becom $
OF the bullets? old fel; that's what 1
want to know"
'.Whot in thunder are you talking
about -
That's not a respectful manner of
treating a citizen, but I'll over. ook it, |
old fe,. this time. I want to know
You shce every New Years might Or
mornin' everybody blows a horn, rings |
a bell, or fires Il Pish-pish-rowoIver. |
| Now, what want to know is, What be |
comes Of the bullets? They go up in the |
air. don't they, and they must come
down m sn't they ?"
TEXAS sIFTINGs.
Mrs. LAEGTRY is described tie be
welI-built woman. The inference is that
she has an alabaster neck, marble brow
and an arch expression.
WHEN you read in the newspapers that !
politician Is brilliant and cratic, it |
means that he can't let whisky alone.
THE great dome of the Capitol at
Washington is being painted. The
whitewashing is done underneath, on the
first floor. by the committees appointed |
for that purpose.
\ NEW YoRK divorce lawyers adver-
tisement reads: "Hymenial incompati-
bilities, as a speciality, carefully adjusted. |.
It's slavery to detain the hand after the !
heart hath fed
A SILK blanket for New York poodle !
costs $16. There seems to be no store
in New York where the owner of the
poodle can buy q few ounces Of brains
for his own nriyate use.
GREAT things are expected from the
newly elected officials all over tL9 com-
try, but the general experience Of the
people Is similar to that Of the lady who
paid s. a dozen for Cochin China eggs,
but when she came to look into the nest,
she discovered that they had Matched out
NIuscovy ducks.
\ SICK man was advised to go to a
doctor for advice. The doctor happened
to be a very thin, spare man, so Wien
| the invalid saw him, he refused to take
any advice from him, remarking: "Why
you look to be a confounded sight worse /
than am
CURE FOR THE STAGE STRUCK.
''Have you ever any odd applications
for places in your company Mr.. Backus?"
asked the reporter Of the famous come /
dian, now turning gray, but still humor-
Gus as ever.
II have, he replied.
''Will you describe it?'
can aristocratic lady in a coach drawn .
by bl.oded Lor. cs drove up in trent Of .
my theatre one day. She lived in Fifth .
avenue, and was very wealthy. She IN
CURED for my office, and then went up /
to it. said Good day, madame She /
said, 'Good-day, Mr.. Backus, I've come
to see You about my son, our only child.
L, IL,