The south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1879-1883, 1883-07-17
What Put President Arthur Out Of
the Joke Business.

paiicu Ny tle reiatlIy Oh SOOu joke
although the point be directed against
himself.
1t seems that the President is quite
an adept at certain Straightforward
tricks, his proficiency in some of
which he has kept up since boyhood.
He boasts his ability to remove
handkerchief or watch from pocket
with as much adriotness as the most
light-fingered member of the "smell
mob"
Even the members of his Cabinet
have time and again been made the
victims Of their chiefs uncomfortable
penchant for playing practical jokes,
his victims being the more easily
mystificd, as the exalted position of
the perpetrator usually protects him
from suspicion.
While at Jacksonville the presiden-
tial party determined to attend gen.
uine Old-fashioned monster darkey |
camp-meeting about twenty miles
away, near small village, and to
enjoy it better went incog. While
waiting for conveyance at the tav-
ern in said village, the President no.
ticcd an extremely fat farmer doz-
ing in chair in the bar room. and
displaying prepostcrous watch oh ain
and bunch of seal from his fob. Mr..
Arthur winked at his friends, and
watching his opportunity removed
the watch and hid it in the saddle
bags of another traveller that hung
on the wall. Now, il appears that
Secretary Chandler had pretty Sc
we're joke played upon him by Arthur
Few days previously and he here
saw a chance to get even. lie quiet
ly led each member Of the party aside
and let them into the conspiracy.
When the carry-a returned from the
camping grounds the President was
Immediately collarcd by the fat man,
who roughly demanded his proper
IT,
What do You mean, fellow said
or Chief Magistrate, winking at his
staff, who, however, seemed suspic-
oasly Indifferent.
oh, You can't play smoothly on me
roarcd the despoiled granger. The
bar-keeper saw you steal my watch
and put it in your pocket. Here con-
stable, do your duty. | want this
man searched.
Very well, then, search me, indig-
nantly said our country's fgurehead.
thought so, said the policeman, as
he fshed out the watch from the first
pockcd he Owed into, much to Ar
thurs establishment. I'll put you in
the calaboosc, my fine fellow.
You viii, ell /? returned Arthur,
with chuckle. Here, Mr.. Freling-
huysen, just tell this gentleman who
i am.
Did you speak to me, my man ?
said the secretary of State, looking
at the President innocently.
Yes, yes! Hurry up and explain
this thing. said Arthur, Us the con,
stable began taking out pair of
handouts.
Explain what! | don't know you
sir, and to the Presidents amazement
his State adviser walked off.
Great Scott! cried Arthur. Say,
you there-Chandlcr! what does this
all mean? Tell these people that l AM
the President-quick!
lfyou are addressing me, said the
Secretary of the Navy putting on his
glasses and taking benevolent sur
vay of the prisoner. My name is not
Chandler, and l don't think l ever
saw you before.
Great Heavens this is outrageous,
screamed Arthur, fighting desperate
ly to prevent them from putting on
the nippers. This is going too far.
/ tell You am the President.
Don't be rough with the poor man,
said Chandler, kindly; perhaps he's
little; what are you president of,
my good fellow?
I'm the President of the United
States, gaspcd the prisoner, furiously
as you'll pretty soon find out!
Tut! tut tut murmured Mr.. Chan
der, pityingly. Clean gone; clean
gone, Fine looking man, too. Got
away from some asylum, likely; and
to the unspeakablc horror and wrath
of our first citizen, he was loaded into
wagon and cartcd off to the country
bastilc, where he was kept full hour
before majority of his cabinet voted
for release.
To the credit of the Executive be it
said, that although he was "extradi-
ted" ina state of frenzy aud vowing
an entire smash Of the Cabinet slate,
he cooled down before he reached
Jacksonville again, and concluded to
''set EN- up for his prosecutors in
true White House style. But he has
| b cen out of the Joke husinnss QUAY