Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1883-08-23


people to make a world. We believe it.
We believe it more and more. We see
living arguments enforcing The fact
every day of our life. One has Just
walked out Of our office. We bowed
him out with smiling grace, but now his
back is turned, we venture a preach
ment. 1t happened in certain profes-
sional institution, years ago, that one
of these amiable bores was a student.
We beg him to forgive Us, if he sees this
incident; but, then, these creatures are
not thin-skinned. He was a most excel.
lent scholar more's the pity-standinq
well in his classes. He possessed large
fund of knowledge-knew too much, IL
fact; and when he had once buttonholed
you, woe be to any other engagement.
Only legal process would re;ease you.
After the holidays, one year, it happened
that he was late in getting back to his
work. The question was mooted Mt com.
mons, "Where is PIP ooh. replied
the wag of the class, "Phil is engaged
in telling one of his stories, and hasn't
got through"
Ethnography affords an opportunity
OF studying the races, kindreds and
tongues of the earth. The Anglo Saxon.
the North American Indian, the Slav,
have their characteristics sharply defined.
We have the Bimana Quadrumana, and
SO on, In zoology, but are at loss with
what class to place the Bores. Like the
winged creatures which Ezekiel saw,
they are endowed with several mouths.
They set them going, and go off and
leave them to their own sweet will. A
sort of learned cherub, they fly to and
fro with their four wings, resting where
one is distractingly busy.
We have been wondering what is to
be done with them. 1t is possible here
lies the settlement of the Indian question.
Why not send a regiment of them to the
far West? If the aborigines only knew
they We're coming, the Pacific would be
full of dusky suicides. Crif that is not
feasible, why should not public men
employ professional bores? And then,
when Greek met Greek, would come the
tug of war. 1t would be as huge a joke
as setting two deaf people to entertaining
one another. When the interview was
finished, they would sympathize with
the cats of the green isle.
But, seriously, we have Little faith in
these proportions, although we claim
originality in naootlng them. The ex-
istcnce Of bor S belongs to the unsolye
mysteries curtined by the infinite.
Doubtless they have as coed right to
live as the miserable little gnats which
are able to cause temporary insanity in a
fine colt. We hardly hope to expose
their final cause in SO bri-f a paper.
The German specialist spent his l:fe on
the Greek article. On lis dca' H. bed he
mournfnlIy regretted that he had not
confined himself toone infection. Such
subject as this grows ON us sit in.
fiates, it expands, it formula,es," as the
curbstone orator remarked. New vistas
open to our vision. We dare not follow
their fascinating beck Here is field
for the scienti /. He may win new
laurels, and gain the everlasting regard
of future generations.
How shall the borcs lie suppressed
What courteous cxtinguishcr may be
employed? Is there any help in the
"liyer-pad" or the electrical disk? We
pause for reply.
But, after all, while we wait, we re-
member in this world, patience is to
have its perfect work. We know of no
sharper chisel for the carving of such a
statue for the gallery of our life than a
semi-weekly visitation Of bores They
have no national .ty they are cosmo.
politan. Like the wandering jew, they
live forever. They penetrate to the
public ass mbIy, the prayer-lneeting,
the business office 5, IN, times they
have books to sell, quit ,ftn map Of
the world, hankgul .D,.k If woolens.
They axe getting up :; history Of the
town; twenty-five dollars vail place
your hte'slze portrait on tie page aud
tell all abont your grandfather They
have fruit-trces for ,ur rural friend,
which cause mere trouble than that one
i'll certain garden Years ago. They
have a patent lighinlng rod, and YOU
wish the lightning had struck them long
before they saw Your home.
But OF all horned cattle, to use a
sinlitc of the lmmor,ai Ho1ace-tle great
editor, we mean-;he religious bore is
the most lutestGb!e. You may know
him whorev,r you see linn. Avoid him
as the plague. Yol may place after his
name IL d. d. (d;gnitied dullness), but
drown him ont with good old Methodist
hymn when h's time is up; il he gets
into the pulpit to present any "cause,"
cause him to retire is soon as possible.
1t has been some little time since our
door closed, and onr irritation has oozed
out at our pen-tip; and we suppose we
shall be blaiidtr than ever when the
next seedy caller appears with "a
patent preparation for til removal of
grease spots without tie slightest injury
to the fabric. Proud nee Journal.