davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
CONNUBIALlTIES

The story L. again afioat that . daughter
Of Victoris Woodruff is to marry an Eng.
lish nobleman.
A Piute princes has Just married her
twentieth husband, and the rest Of the
braves are trembling In their moccasins.
A l6.year.old boy has applied for . di.
vorce in the superior court In New York
city. That boy will make his way through
the world.
Miss Brown married Mr.. Sorrow the
other day. Hence Williamsport Grit sup.
poses that their children i'll be all twins,
rs sorrows never come singly.
Miss Florence A. Smith, o Philadelphia
belle. is to be married to b .ron Gisbert Won
Friesen, q young German noblemau, who
owns two castles on the Rhine.
They are raising o row with q young
man ia New Jersey who YVES engaged &
marry thirteen different girls. It's getting
30 q man can't have any fun at all in thai
state.
A London youth wanted to marry 9
pretty actress Until her mother demanded
$500 0 Of him for the loss she would incul
by her daughters withdrawal from tn,
stage.
1t was Darling George" when a brida
couple left Omsha; It was Dear George
at Chicago; at Detroit II was George"
and when they reached Niagara Falls l
was Say you'll"
A Georgia maiden became so interested
In q recent church wedding ut that place
that lust % the clergyman had finished hi
list Of questions 10 the bride, she uncon
soiously took up the response and answer
' Cd, IT WILL" In plAoe Of the bride. Thi
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
n

A Cincinnati woman knocked her hus.
band ,euseless with . copy Of the bible.
The old version 10 good and strong yet.
At q recent donation party the preacher
received q large quantity OF half.cooked
bread, and he says now he doesn't want
any more ''doughnation parties" in his.
The pen maybe mightier than the sword,
but when q religious editor has Q rivet
fitted TO a couple OF swords he can beat q
dozen pens in getting up original matter.
A compositor who was puzzling over one
of Horace Greeley's manuscript, sagelv
and sayagely observed: IF Bslsht zzsr had
seen tn 8 handwriting on the wall he would
nave been more terrified than he was"
"My brethren" said a clergyman, II
will now pass" and before he could pro-
coed a sleepy bearer in the front pew sud-
denly started into life Ind cried out,
Then l make it spades and play 1t alont!
"Yes," said the deacon, 'the organist
certainly did play opera boutfe airs anu
the can.can in his voluntary yesterday
| But, dear me, | can't kick up o row about
II without giving myself away by showing
that n cognizs the music"
A western colporteur was once convers'
ing with an Illinois nan on his religious
duties. Said he; "Do you attend church
regularity" 20 no; j never go to church,
but I alters make it . pint to tend all the
funerals. They be jest as solemn, Anc
thar isn't no Reflections"
The Rev. John w SAtter6sld was seer
ct Brownsville, Pa, with AZ empty bottle
' protruding from his pocket n n'
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07

Hon BIttsrs are the Purest and Best Bltters
Ever Made.
They are compounded from Hops,
Malt, Buchu, Mandrake and Dande.
liop,-the Oldest, best, and most valu-
able medicines In the world and con.
tain all the best and most curative
properties of ell other remedies, being
the greatest Blood Purifier, Liver
Regulator and Life and Health Res.
oripg Agent on earth. No disease or
ll.health can possibly long exist where
these Bitters are used, so varied and
perfect are their operations.
They give new life and yigor to the
aged and infrm. To all whose en-
pigments cause Irregularities of the
towels or urinary organs, or who re.
ouire an APPETIZER, Tonic and milo
| Stimulant, Hop Bitters are invaluable,
being highly curative, tonic and slim
| ulating, without intoxicating,
No matter what your feelings OF
symptoms are, what the disease or all
ment is, use Hop Bitters. DOM wait
until o are sick, but if you only
feel bad or miserable, 8 Hop Bitter:
at once. 1t may ave your life. Hun
dreds have been saved by 80 doing.
$50 will be paid for a case they viii
not cure or help.
Do not suffer or let your friends suf
fer, but use and urge them to use HoI
Bitters.
Remember, Hop Bitters is no vile
drugged, drunken nostrum, but the
Purest and Best Medicine aver made
the "Invalid's Friend and Hope" ant
no person or family should be without
| them Try the Bitterx to-day.
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07

whisky which IL had contained was mani
feat in bis staggering gait. Such Is the
acc usation that Il made by the deacon OF
his ch rch, and his wife charges that he
frequently whips her.
believe in receiving contributions from
anybody, whether goud or bad, who Is dis
posed to give. They place contribution
boxes In the drinking saloons, and some OF
the patrons Of those establishments drop q
coin or two In whene yer they take q drink.
The boxes become as full OF money as the
customers do Of drink.
Where do the wicked men 20 whodrink
liquor asked q temperance lecturer Of Q
small boy at an Austin Sunday school.
well, some of them 60 to Bornfeld's So
loon and some 60 to the Iron Front; but
the wickedest ones-the legislators-sl-
ways go to the nearest saloon. II you ask
pa, he will show you where you can get the
best beer. Texas Siftings.
This wa the way his spouse encouraged
him when he fell from q Memphis ferry
boat into the Mississippi and was strug-
Cling In the water for dear life: Nov,
Samuel, didn't / tell you 80? Now, then,
work your legs, flop your arms, hold your
breath and repeat the Lords Prayer, for
it's mighty uncertain, Samuel, whether
you land in New Orleans or in eternity"
One Of the best m ever preached
by stones that we know Of, wa delivered
the other day through the feeble instru.
mentality Of q Toledo woman, who, in
throwing one which weighed about Q pound
at q refractory hen, struck a rock agent
who was just coming through the gate
tquarely between the eyes. When the
as ent's remains were borne away, and con-
CALCULATIONS were pouring In, the woman
throwing at the hen, but everybody knew
hatter
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
POETRY OF THE TIMDs.
u. s 8 Cockroach.

1t WAS q gallant monitor,
A veritsble son OF thunder,
A monstrous modern msn.of. war,
And when they launched her twas q
wonder
She did not fall TO pieces.
AmuAe them ell by going under.
ouoth Robertson: she A oatsl she floats
b essed II II isn't rather funny!
She swims just like the other boats; =,
What do you say to that, now Jobnny!
Said Roach: "A fellows taking notes;
Be lust q little quiet, sonny"
They fenced her from the weather's I'D, ,
No Virgins storm came there and
caught her;
They piled the engines n, until =.
Close to the rivers edge they brought
her; -
They layished iron on her; still
Her deck was just above the water.
Her hawser then they boldly cut,
And placed q daring crew upon her,
And at the solid stern they put
A fearless sailor man to con her,
And swore she'd be as fl let of foot
As any steed that's owned by Bonner.
Three miles an hour the navy's pride
Made then, as well as they could ecore
her,
And twice as much from eide to side.
As here and there the currents bore her,
While other vessels, terrified,
Incontinently fled before her.
They lowed her up the stream at last,
While she WAS yet In good condition;
There now. her day Of glory past,
And In q soft and safe position,
The wal ship Cockroach, snug and fast.
Remains, nc longer ''in commission"
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
HONEY FOR TIL q

Dress bonnets are Of medium size.
The new foule cloth comesi in all the
rich street shades.
Flowers are used in greet p~rofusion on
the bonnets imported for rprinP.
None but tall and slender women can
wear large square and large plaid fabrics.
Heavy silks, woven In small mstslasss
patterns, will replace to some extent the
plain Ottomans Of the past season.
At q wood.cutting contest In Mexican
county, Pa, q few days ago, two women
won the first prlzs for cross-cut saving.
A man in Connecticut has succeeded in
making q perfect artificial egg. We would
like to see the woman who can beat It.
Gail Hamilton says that q Mormon Is q
husband who harm sses his wives abreast,
and q man who has been O widower thee
times is one who drives them tandem.
1t ia said that when q man wants to
compliment q New England woman he
must call her bright; but when he wishes
to please n Southern woman he must say
she Is sweet.
Fencing has become o fAvorite pastime
with the ladies Of Vienna, having been Ia.
troduoed by the Empress Of Austris, who
Ia said to be an ex pert In the use Of the foil
and very partial to the exercise.
A Paris woman advertises for sale Q
monkey. . cat and two parrots, on the
ground that she will soon be married and
will have no use for them. She has differ,
emit ideas Of matrimony than some women
Wood brown, several improved shade,
OF terra ootta and cEushed strawberry
Presbyterian blue, intense, pale, and lead
en.look greens, and porphyry, shot with
gold, are the leading shades In spring Ans
summer costumes
Fans Of tinted ostrich feathers, mounte,
on tortoise shell, arc sttli the height o
style for evening dress. They are oval Il
shape. and usually have u Brilliant,
plumsged bird or q cluster OF lilies or rose
set In the centre Of the fan.
"They say Cha lie has married. Do yo'
know his wife! Ia che q woman of any In
t~elligenoe, Is she we'll informedr Eve
informed Well, / should say SO. Sh
has belonged to the village sewing circl
for ten years and never missed q meeting,
Yellow, In q score Of tints, ranging fror
datfodil and primrose to citron yellow Of
greenish tint; Is a color that Is now exct &C
iDgly fashionable in every sort Of drei
fabric, bonnet material, and garnitur,
and in house adorning-in drapery, pane
ings, portieres, lambrequins. and curtains
Because a young lady in New Yor
painted some sash rib on for the guests Q
her birthday party some one exclaimed
"Heaven bless the society girl who can d
something beside dance" That's 30. No
what a help to a poor man this girl woul
bel by hockey, just think of it!"
There Il an Indian woman 100 years Of
living IN Fitzpatrick, Ala who was on,
o cook on Andrew Jackson's staff when !
was cutting a road from Alabama to Flo
ida, She still has some OF the pots an
kettles In which ske was In the habit
c.okine the Generals food.
Ex. Secretary EvArts has thirteen dAusl
ters. It 10 reported that he never loci
the front door On Sunday nights until .
tor - o'clock. and oven then he lies avail
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07

unexpecte l event parslyxed the min'ater
and caused q painful silence In the audi
ence.
"You would't take me for a married
man, would youi" asked n student OF a
Cortland girl last Sunday night. II rath.
er think I would II you should ask me-.
was the response. He bought q ring the
next day.
Nellie Carlton, daughter Of q Cincinna-
Il dry goods merchant, could not get along
comfortably with her new stepmother, and
30 went alone TO Milwaukee, taking along
q crest deal Of mon ey and valuable cloth.
ing and jewelry. For q week she kept to
her room In n fashionable boarding house,
killing time with novels and o piano. One
afternoon che went out for q walk. She
met George W. B 10Y, whom she bad
known very slightly, end he hsd on hear
ing Of her lonely position proposed mar
risge.. This struck her as 0 kindly offer,
and the went INN editely to ajustice,
who united them. When che awoke next
morning her husband and portable valua-
bles were gone.
New YoRK, April 3.-The marriage OF
Mics Flora Carleton to the Rev. Charles
p. Fagnapi. which was intended fer some
day in May, but which tool place last Sat
urday afternoon at the death.bed Of the
brides mother, was most solemn. While
attending services in the church OF Or.
Howard Crosby, last Tuesday, Mrs. Garlic
ton was suddenly seized with pneumonia
and compelled to take to her bed. When
DR.. Crosby called on Mrs. Carleton last
Saturday afternoon, she told him she real,
lied that her recovery. was hopeless and
that her one great wish remained uhtui'
filled, which was to witness her daughters
marriage. Mr.. Fagnani was then in the
house and quickly summoning the friende
to act ss witnesses, DR.. Crosby eratifed
the dying woman by uniting her daughter
| to him at her desth.bed. Mrs. Carleton
only lived long enough to bid them God
epeed in their life's journey, which wat
closing for her. Tine Rev. MIR. Faguani II
Q graduste of Union Theological Seminary
Of the class Of 80 He was ordained last
fall and is pastor Of Grace Mission, or
East Twenty scond street, q branch o.
the Rev. DR.. Crosby's church.
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
MUSICAL AND

lille. Rhea wa o greet financial success
In Milwaukee.
Agnes Herndon has Joined Roland
Reed g company in Cheek.
Next season Miss Mary Anderson will
d to her repertoire THE Winters Tale"
Barry Sullivan will probably play in this
country next fall on his way to Australia.
The once luscious Lydia Thompson has
quilted the stage forever. She has gro wn
gross.
Fanny Davenport will produce "Fedora"
at Haverly's Fourteenth Street Theatre,
New York, Ost. l.
Waguer's "Parsifal" Is q sort Of "Pss.
sion Play" Its production has been for
hidden In London.
The two nights for which Edwin Booth
Is engaged At Cologne will be devoted to
Hamlet" and Lear"
Nine Modjeaka will produce her new
play, 'Thora," at the Grand Opera house,
Chicago, September 8.
Il. Temenyi Is doing we'll In the west
with his concert company, being the best
season he has had in America.
@. A. Chizzola desires Sjgnor Salvini ia
return to America next season. Salvini
has so far declined, but he may change bis
mind.
The great tragedienne, Ristori, played
IN Arie Antoinette" lately at the Apollo,
Rome, for the benefit of the family Of Bel.
lotti.Bon.
Miss Agnes Huntington, ayoupg Ameri
cen lady. sang with much applause at the
fourth popular concert Of the Stuttgar,
Liederkranz.
Annie Russell, the original Esmeralds
IL only II. She is under engagement tC
the Madison Square Theatre management,
for three years.
John Stetson Is reported to have sale
that . certain playwright had agreed to fur
nish him with Q sequel to Monte Christie
entitled "Three.CA Arc Monte"
Minnie Hauk returns to Berlin in Au-
gust, to resume her position at the I'm
perial opera house September l. She ha,
had two ysars' leave of absence.
Neil Burgess has dropped bis "Widov
Bedott" and produced . new play BY tn
Poffy Farm" Ills said to admirably sui
the comedians peculiarities.
At Berlin telephone stations are to b,
abling the performances ct the Roya
opera house to be heard ct . distance. Tn,
necessary mlcrophone Is now being PLACED
! upon toe stage at the opera.
: Boetel, the new tenor over whom Euro
pean opera goers are in ecstasies, was for
merly. like Watchte], q cab. driver. Hi
old companions in that trade in Hamburg
where he was discovered, have just pre-
, scented him with . silver "Whip Of honor
which cost $40.
, Myron w. Whitney did not sing ELI
; jah" In Boston Sunday with his old.tim
! vigor. Has comic opera had q deteriorat
. ing effect on this most distinguished ora
torio singer? Mr.. Adams, the tenor, q
.. usual showed that his voice was . thing o
? the past. But Albani was glorious. Th
: Transcript hopes Elijah" won't be sun
i again for ten years.
9 Just as Mrs Langtry, in the characte
' Of Rosalino, had pronounced the words O
8 the epilogue, II would kiss as many of yo
!. as had boards that pleased me, complex
y ions that liked me-" and was exhibiting
her most comprehensive smile to q Cleve
land audience. q gallery gamia shouted
d "Oh, Freddie!" with q gusso which spoi!e
r the effect, but sent the people home l
9 good humor.
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07

an hour for fear there may be o stray
couple 10 the dining room which he has
overlooked. We would break down under
the responsibility Of thirteen daughters.
Tailor.m de- dresses grow in popular IA
yor, They will be worn for lawn tennis
ami croauet parties for the house; the sea-
side, and mountain use, and In ell colors,
light and dark, white, black and tinted,
according TO the occasion, time and place.
The prevailing colors this spring lead one
to supp1se that the color artists who de-
signed them probably paid a visit to the
kitchen and watched the cooks as they
prepared crushed strawberr es and rasp'
berries, cho ped carrots and beets, oil
mashed pumpkins an fquashes.
Lace bonnets In black and cream white,
In modified poke shapes, are among the
attractive fancies in new French millinery.
Lace pleatings are laid over the brims,
which are frat covered with colored elk oil
satin Of either bright or pale shades,
Flowers matching the hue Of the silk
foundation are wreathed around the crown
or massed at one side, mingled usually
with cascades Of the lace
Society girls have little lot satohels Of
silk or satin, delicately scented, and de.
corated with o bit Of their own hand paint
ing, either floral or comioal. These they
suspend from the waist by q knot and ends
of narrow ribbon. Iuto this case they slip
the card on which is printed the order Of
dancing. Down the back Of the case arc
fastened small loops Of ribbon, which serve
to hold q tiny pencil.
Fine woollen dresses in dark monooh
rome c%olors, and tweeds, serges, and
cheviots, with deep f~lounces edged with
cross.way bands Of velveteen Of the best
quality. are very fashionable. The
founces are put ON with several rows oil
''gsooved" shirripgs. The back drapery 1,
q blending Of the two materia 8, and the
jacket Is Of the woollen material, rounding
ID front over o jsunty waistcoat made Of
the velveteen, and laced up to the throat
with fine silk cord, twlned around double
row Of tiny enamel buttons.
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
Save He Would Smi 9.

Ssys he WouIo Smle.
Well, 1 should smile in rapture gay
II she would only deipu to say,
Il like you as . friend" and slip
Within my palm the Hnger-tip
SIZE snaps In her coquettish way.
And II her eyes Of azure gray
Grew tender on the blooms of May,
In warmth Of my companionship-
Well. I should smile!
But, o, II she her head should lay
Against my buttonhole bouquet,
And lift the business Of her lip
To mine-my giddy heart would skiI
The tra-la-lee till judgment day
Well, / should smile!
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07

Formerly OF Kansas"
Is It you, old pard, with your whitened
hair
An your rugged beard laid on your
breast,
An your pale eyes sot In . deathly stare,
That's takin' your last and lonely rest,
Mid the snow.capped Rockies!
I knowned him. sir, when his eyes was
When his face was smooth a. . smilin'
girls
When his limbs was as feet rs the fright.
ened deer
When his head was covered with nut.
brown curls-
Twas along, long time ago.
He was with Jim Lane-a han ONE lad
An we done our likeliest-him and me-
An Its many . narrer chancs we had
Along the border-but what cared We
In them days down In Kansas!
When the wal came on, then me an Jim
Saddled our horses an rode away
An ht for the union-me an him. .
Till all unsullied out o. the fray
We come with Kansas.
II Il you, old pard, with your frosted
hair
An your scrAwny beard sweep down
your breast,
An your brave eyes fixed In . CHASTITY
stare,
That has laid down here on the 10y crett
O. the snow. capped Rockieti
| S'posIn' we hide his furrowed face
Under that yondsr moanin' pine,
| And on the stone that marks the place
Well carve nsught else but the simple
line; g
"Foruerly Of Kansas"
Denver Tribune.
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
Her Slender Waist.

Now no q could see
And her waist was 80 slender
What wonder that we,
AS nc could see,
Sat 30 long 'nssth the tree
In an attitude tender.
Really no n could see
And her waist was 80 slender.
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
Oh, b Ia Handyi

Oh, She Ia Handy
"She can work q fancy screen,
Just the mic est ever seen.
In q style that all her 'culchawed' set en-.
chants;
But my friend, twixt you and me,
It would chill 0 man to see
How she stitched q patch on the old mans
pants"
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
Only q Tramp

Ouiy AFn"p
only q tramp, sir" the fagman said,
"Struck at the Forks by the night
express,
Body sent on to Jamestown. Dead!
Well, he won't steal no moro rides, 1
guess"
"Only q tramp"-Aashed across the wire;
Killed In the night. Is the papers say;
But the news kept flashing BY house and
spire
Till It fell on q hearthstone far away.
Children and wife there were to weep
And gnash their teeth for the absent one;
Cruel their agony, strong and deep.
Cruel the work the cold wheels had done!
Only q tramp, poor devil! HE
Gould get no work" the widow raves,
''To keep these little ones" So think we
The place for such Is In their graves!
Thus does humanity care for It's slave,
As much as the spider for the fly.
Done with pour work, then into your grave
You're only . tramp, poor devil, die!
Omaha daily bee., 1883-04-07
Failing!

That is what a great
many people are doing.
They don't know just what
is the matter, but they have
a combination Of pains and
aches, and each month they
grow worse.
The only sure remedy
yet found is BRowN's IRON
BITTERs, and this by rapid
and thorough assimilation
with the blood purifes and
enriches it, and rich, strong
blood flowing to every part
of the system repairs the
wasted tissues, drives out
disease and gives health and
strength.
This is why Browns
IRON BITTERs will cure
kidney and liver diseases,
rheumatism,
neuralgia, dyspepsia, mala-
ria. intermittent feyers. &c.
so3 S. Paea ST., Baltimore.
Nov. 7s, 1881.
I was a great sufferer from
Dyspepsia, and for several
weeks could eat nothing and
vas growing weaker every
day. I tried Browns Iron
Bitters, and am happy to say
/ now have a good appetite,
and am getting stronger.
JOS. McCAwLLY.
Browns IRON BITTr:Rs
is not a drink and does not
contain whiskey. 1t is the
only preparation Of Iron
that causes no injurious eff
fects. Get the genuine.
Don't be imposed on with
limitations.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1883-12-07
MARRIED.

WILLERToN - BAIRD. - At the resi-
denoe Of the bride parents, Benton. ILL.,,
Nov 29th, by Rev. s. II. Enyeart, Mr.. John
Miss Jennie E. Baird, of Benton, lake coun-
ty, Ill.
A large number Of guests were present.
The presents were numerous and valuable.
Among them were the following: Mr. and
Mrs. James Baird. thirty yards of carpet ;
Mr.. C. H. Willerton, ladys' gold watch
Mrs. C. HI. Willerton. half dozen solid silver
knives and forks; Mr.. and Mrs A. O.
Wright. candy and perfumery; Mrs. T. A,
Higgins, white comforter; Mr.. and Mrs.
Spring, one dozen Majolica ware plates and
half dozen butter plates; Mrs. R. Cobb, hall
dozen silver teaspoons Mr.. Alfred Willer-
ton, clock; Mr.. Hiram Ferry, half dozen
silver teaspoons; Mrs Hannahs and family,
$5 note; Miss Aggie Baird, bed quilt; Mr.
and Mrs. S. Cropley, glass cake stand Mr.
and Mrs. s. Cole. white led spread Mr.. B.
f. Baird, set fiat irons and stand Mr.. VIM,
Baird, set glassware Mrs. James Bulla.
more and sister, silver butter knife; Miss
Ida Beckwith. spice box Miss Sarah Baird
glass cake stand Mr.. John Baird and fam
lily, pair wooden blankets; Mr.. Nelson Cole
combination album; Mr.. and Mrs. G. Stick
ney, two china cups and saucers; Miss Grace
Cole, pair pillow shams; Mr.. and Mrs
George Truesdell, pair vases Miss Jennie
Ferguson, linen table cloth; MIR. and Mrs
T. Cropley, lamp Miss Gene Cole, two frui
plates; David and Grace Baird, one dozel
salt cellars Mrs James Baird, half dozel
plates cup and saucer Lizzie Cole, on
dozen salt cellars; Mrs. James Baird. pickl
dish; Louisa and Lotlie Cropley. two sal
stands Mrs. VIM. Baird. glass preserv
| dish Mrs. James Ferron, silver table
spoons.