News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-12-06
A BARREL. OF BEER.
HOW THEY TAPPED 1T ON A MAN.
OF.WAR.
Many Guests Arrive in Anticipation of Il
Grand Treat - Their AstOnishment ut
What was Left.

An Othcer OF the navy tells q war in
cident as follows From st, Louis I
had brought with me (fOr domestic use)
a barrel of beer. Now the advent of
barrel of beer in the squadron was
matter of profound public interest. It
had hardly been rolled upon the Rover's
deck before our friends land we then
had many had somehow instinctivclv
smelt out its joyful presence. The sub
Ject of beer was sympatheticallv dis
cussed on board the flagship, and our
friends suggested that as they were 90
ing where 1t was uncertain whether they
might ever taste beer again, they would
presently pull over to the Rover in their
gigs and partake with us of a sort of
''stirrup cup"
Accordingly, Captain Wells and [
fastened back home to prepare for this
pleasant reception. The barrel was
holsted up to his cabin and laid upon a
couple OF chairs capsized for its sup
port. Then we proceeded to tap. As
there may be possibly two or three read
ers who are unfamiliar with this opera
ton, will state for their benefit that
beer barrel is plugged from within.
When the spigotis to be inserted all that
Is requisite Is to place this upon the end
of the plug and drive it in with few
smart strokes of a hammer. careful,
however, that the final and critical blow
shall be emphatic enough to fasten the
spigot Ill the bunghoIe; if not, yOu may
have trouble. This is what we set
set about to do-and what we had.
The spigOt was all right, but there was
no hammer at hand, and we could not
~ / l1 ,l,1o b, ! Z
tain Wells told me to hold the spigot in
position and he would drive it with the
handle of broom held harpOon fashion,
an implement with which the captain
was familiar; that is, the harpOon. We
squatted in front Of our subject and [
adjusted the spicOt; but, rather dubious
If the accuracy of the Captains aim at
so small an object, I held the spigot at
'long taw' between thumb and finger
somewhat gingerly. However, the Cap
tain struck centre every shot. At the
last blow in went the spigoi, but it didn't
stick, and out came the beer When I
regaiued breath and eyesight tie tableau
before me was picturesque. On his
knees, gasping and coughing, but with
the tixedness of an implacable purpose
in his eye, was the Captain, with thumb
rammed to the hilt i'll the bunghole,
while around it the tizzing fluid was es-
Gaping i'll a beautiful radiatcd circle SINH
lar to the cOrruscation of a pinwheel.
Talk of the ''irrepressible conflict.
That beer had the true instinct of lib
ertv.
The quartermaster brought hammer
and the newt T1r0l1fnr71 -14-ae,-~+rl 5.,yE
captains thumb out of the bunghole and
get the spigot in. 1t was solved. A
final bludmg burst of foamiDg spatter
aud we had our prisoner i'll limbo, or
thought we had. Then we had time to
survey the ruin we had wrought Our
visit to the flagship was ''of1icial," and
We had put on our best "bib and tucker.
In our haste to let loose the beer we had
neglected to divest ourselves of our
adoInmeuts and they were drenched.
Opposite point blank range of the barrel
was the captains bureau, in which he
garnered his good clothes-white vests,
clean shirts, etc. When the beer made
its debut the stream, after knocking us
down, made clean spring across the
cabin aud landed in those bureau draw
ers Then it sputtered about promiscu-
Ously as if bent upon a general treat.
The cabin floor was afiOat with beer.
We summoned two or three sailors
with "cquiiSees" to oswald us up"
Seeing the luscious flood which inun-
dated the carpet, the men delicatelv
limited that they would like suck at it.
We told them to go ahead, and they
Frustrated themselves at the shrine of
divinity which brings down most of its
votaries. But they had to send for help.
There was wealth of beer. When their
horizontal rcfreshmcnt was finished they
had clicked the platter clean" Mean
while our thirsty guests arrived and were
aghast 1t remained to be seen what
was left, and with two-quart pitcher
and melancholy Doubt turned the
spigot. Alas 1.-THE glory Of its mightiness
was gone The contents seemed
ashamed to show themselves. We
tipped mp the barrel and forth trickIed
two miserable quarts of beer We
divided ourselves among it," as the
German has it, and sadly drank to ga
safe passage by Vicksburg."