South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-08-03


My case is just here said IA citizen
TO lawyer. few days ago. 'Ths
plaintiff will swear that I hit hiln, will
swear that did not. Now what car
you lawyers mako out OF that if We 20
TO trial 2 Five dollars apiece was the
prompt reply as lie extended his hand.
young man dressel in the heigh;
OF fashion, and with poetic turn OF
mind was driving along country road
and, uron gazing at the pond which
slir,ed the highway, said: oh, how |
would like 10 lave my heated head in
those cooling waters.' IN freshman, o.
vsrhearing the exclam alton, Immediate
~ replied: 'Bedad, you might lave it
there and it wouldn't sink.
AN EDITORS DAuGHrER.- papa.
cant 30 TO the store and get me a
new dress 2
why. child. you have got plouty OF
good dresses
Yes. papn, but they arc out of sly le.'
Nonsense, girl the .rces always come
out in the same style every spring,
don't they?
Yes. papa, and they always look
green, too
Papa. 'side-( One might know ho
couldn't get ahead Of an editors daugL-
ter,) All right. @ TO tho store and
get dtess.'- Winfield Nv. Va.) Ire
pressiJie.
Cor HIM OAR -rucrc is an old no
gro IN Austin who claims 10 have stu
diod 'fosify outcn a look lie pro.
pounds unanswerable questions to the
lawyers whose rooms he cleans, and he
discusses 'pirts o law with the Justice
OF the rorce of his precinct. Yesterday
lie went into tue justice court and said ::
'Jedgc, kin gi. o 'dictment writ again
dat wutlless niger, Pete?'
What's he been doing 2
He's procrastimator. Hes bin a
procras,imatin', sab =
'Procrastinating Z?
yes, sab, dal's what he's been q do
in fur fac
But there's no law against that
No law agin procrastimation F.? Dan
what's dc law fur Z Amt procrasti-
NATION dc thief oh time p
Certainly, 1 believe it ha. been so
stated
well, den, amt Pete thief p
Yes, you might so cons,rue il. but
you cannot convict man for stealing
time
NO but when VIC hab got dc proof on
him fur stealth time, we hab got de cir
cumstantal Evidence agin him fur
stealth money, fur don't 'lossify say dat
time am money? Got yer dar, ledge.
And while the judge aud the lawyers
groaned, tho old man went on. chuck.
ling to himself: Got him dar. Got de
jedso dis time suah yer q foo. high
Tero, .Si/ttngs.
Politics Politics = exclaimed an old
lady on Spring street, day or two
since. Il hear of nothing but politics.
AT csmpmeeting last summer, / got
filled with seaticks, but politics il
bug | never saw, and with which (
wish 70 contact
HE DIFFICULTIES. clergyman.
in lecture on How to Get Married,
said: Every man wants wife and
every woman wants husband But
the great difficulty is that the woman
the man wants won't have him and
the man the woman wants wants some
other woman
Said one fellow to another: If |
was as iat-footed as you arc, would
not 10 afraid Of slipping on the side
walk, Yes. some people arc fiat on
one end and some on another was the
response,
Sir. asked an attorney yesterday Of
witness who wos tcstifyiug in case
of assault and battery, have YOU been
in this court before p
Yes, sir sail the witness Il have
been here often
All been here often, have your said
the attorney in triumphant tone.
Now, tell tho court what for.
We'll replied the witness, slowly, j
have been here at least a dozen times
to SEQ you, 20 try and collect that tai.
lor's bill you ore
ice cream one dollar per gal
Well, said countrymen, as he walked
in saloon this morning, that's pref
ty steep price to charge for one gal, but,
Maria III soc you through. no matter
what it costs. Here's dollar. waiter
ice cream for this gall