The Cecil Whig., 1883-02-03

perfect to the extent of oblivion to the
pain or even the existence of my wastee
frame, | do not believe | slept seconc
stop the dreams, but, with conscious
ness Of mental activity, when | founc
myself dreaming about special thing
could continue the same dream indefinite
ly. | could not, as the children say il
telling each other tales, "make up {
story" but as | got into, pleasant memo
ries of associates Of earlier or later life
could keep my mind in the same scene.
and associations. l had no control, how
ever, Of the imagination and that would
carry me OH and ON into new associations
with the same person or things-a mar
may be true hearted to his wife in WORD
and deed and still have pleasant memo
ries of mis- first sweetheart, and it seems
quite natural if he has not seen her since
her budding girlhood developed perhaps
into a rotund, or perhaps otherwise a
lank and cadaverous matron, "begirt
| WIN AuA"uSys ShoV SfSAA W. VAN
age he will secretly worship at the idea
altar of first love. l know that when
my dreams recall the image of a yonng
girl with mild blue eye and brown ring
let's, was a boy again, with all the flush
of youth in my veins, and ambitions and
hopes, long withered and crushed, brigh,
| and rv1n por1np fha onrfiSYp
was an only child and early an orphan.
With distinct ahd happy recollections OF
Christian mother, l dreamed often of
| her and when did | was in heaven with
her, the brightest of all my dreams.
! / have been in the midst Of such a dream
aroused to take food OF medicine, and
fully awake, could go to sleep again,
catching up the thread of the dream
where it was broken Oft. / remember
that was often reused at midnight to
drink glass of milk in the midst of such
| dream, and Immediately relapsing into
: sleep and the same dream, | have been
| conscious of dreaming all the time until
| was again aroused to take my break
| fast at o'clock in the morning. The
reader may be curious to know how
heaven seemed to me. l can only say
here, unlike anything l ever imagined
before. l had consciousness Of great
love and happiness with my mother, but
| feeling Of = higher, ever-present source
of happiness, of which all other happi-
ness, was mere reflection. with feel
ing of a superior existence within myself.
thought, too, all were engaged iu work
befitting such superiority. | could not
tell what this work was, nor did heaven
seem to me to have the mcritricious adorn-
ments with which the preachers are
pleased to furnish it. l seemed fully to
understand what tho Bible says is beyond
our understanding, "the peace of God -
l have been compelled to some extent
to unveil the personality, as it were, of
my mi,d and thoughts, in order to con-
vey to the reader the sensations produced
by morphia in its first stages before the
evil days and nights came with the horror
of reaction. If passed through heaven
in these FIRST months of the use of NOR
phia can as truly say | passed through
hell before its power over me was broken
and was restored to my normal condi-
ton.
THK REACTION OF MoRPHIA'
These beautiful fancies and dreams
continue for more than year. In the
meantime the disease with which | was
afflicted had exhibited such symptoms
that the physicians regarded it neces-
sarily fatal, and with the object of pro-
tecting me from any pain l was permit
ted to purchase hyperdermic syringe
and administered the morphine to myself
at will. had no hope of recovery, and,
therefore, took any remedy any one
would suggest. A patent medciue. that
will not name, as it may not have tho
same effect on any one else, finally re-
leved me of the calcuH that had formed
in the kidney, and to my surprise l found
did not suffer and commenced rapidly
to recover, but, unfortunately for ME,
my circumstances compelled me to re-
turn to the same kind Of work on daily
morning paper, and as the habit Of using
morphine was fixed upon me, and as
found it's use, when | broke down at
work, would revive me, | continued it.
gradually increasing the quantity, until
finally injected under my skin ten or
fifteen grains of morphine daily, and
sometimes as many as thirty grains day.
This continued for about Il year, when
again broke down, not from the disease
of the kidneys, for l was entirely relev-
ed from that, but by taking so much
poison to keep me able to do my work, |
was a mere skeleton, weighing only
hundred and ten pounds, my skin as yell
low as an orange. and waxy in appear
aace, drawn tightly ever my cheek bones,
my eyes sunken and abcesscs on my
arms and hips, where pierced the skin
with the needle of the syringe-all vitali-
ty gone, except such as got from large
injections of morphia. l had to quit
night work and accept situation that
only required eight hours day work. At
length l could not do even this. My
sense of obligation to my family had been
impaired and the fact is that felt una
BILE to do anything all my energy was
gone and lapsed into Indifference.
The reaction of morphia had asserted
its power and was trembling victim
of its tyranny. AS l have stated, for
some time the dreams were general and
terrible, as it may be presumed, from the
fact that awoke often bathed in a per
spiratisn that sapped the essence Of my
body and left me each day weaker and
weaker. Even yet had not experienced
the full horror of reaction. Finally the
dreams assumed more specific and ter
ribe imaginings.
| first commenced, like the victim Of
delirium tremens, to dream of snakes,
and the disgust Of their entwinement
around me assumed a more definite form.
When was mere boy had read Victor
IIuso's novel Of the "Toilers by the
Sea-" but 1t made No particular impress
sion upon me until i'll this section | be-
gan, indefinitely at first, to picture the
conflict of the seaman with the devil-fsh
in the cave into which he had the temer
ity to explore. l could not get clear of
this dream. 1t possessed me every night