St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-12-14
SquibS.


makes both ends meat.
CLOVIS business ?" asked a spirit
ualist of the car conductors. "Fair,"
replied the bell-puncher. "And how
is it with you ?" Medium, as usual"
Youth (before looking glass, strok-
ing Chin | think | must get me
a razor" Sister-"DO, Bob "a beard
raiser" - Philadelphia Call.
An Albany paper tells of a woman in
that city who walked her husband dur
ing n storm the other night, and said:
81 do wish you would stop snoring,
for | want to hear it thunder"
"Good morning, Mr.. Brown. How
do you find yourself to-day ?" "Thanks
quite well. But why call me Brown ?
My names Green" "Beg pardon,
a thousand times. But, you see, Pm
color blind"
Lord Dashington WOodenhead lin
reply to enthusiastic remark from Miss
Grace y "You Americans say nice
so much. | think nice is nasty word"
Miss Grace: "And do you think nasty
is Il nice word ?"
A French marquis was riding out one
day, when he passed an old priest
trotting along contentedly on a quiet
donkey. "Ha! hap exclaimed the
marquis. elbow goeth the ass, good
father ?" "On horse back, my son
on horseback ~ replied the priest.
"Gaze upon that pure, beautiful even
ing star, and swear to be true while
its light shall shine Swear, my love !
Swear by Venus!" exclaimed Boston
youth in impassioned accents. elbow
stupid you are" answered the Boston
girl. "That is not Venus. The right
ascension of Venus this month is l5h.
9m.; her declination is II degrees %
minutes south, and her diameter is
1872"
DIR. Mutchmore, editor of the Pres
byterian, tells of a good cOlored man
who was engaged in blasting Il rock
that Obstructed the progress of some
well-diggers very near his residence
in Kentucky. After fierce explosion
that shook the house, the doctor went
out to demonstrate against such earth
shaking charges, and said to the
cOlOred man: "What are you about
At this rate you will blow us all into
the air" "Well, boss" said he, 81
rammed down on that powder piece
of the Presbyterian. | wanted to show
the folks around yer what Calvinism
could do"
A stubbed farmer, who had come to
market with load of potatoes, en-
tered restaurant near the Central
market and called for dozen oysters
on the half-shell. A couple of fiokers
happened to be in the place, and,
while one attracted the farmers at
tention for a moment, the other drop
ped bullet into one of the oyster
shells. The man gulped down one
after another, until he got the one with
the bullet in his mouth. Calmly aud
quietly he bit ut the lead with his
teeth-calmly and quietly he removed
it from his mouth and turned to the
light. "By George but it's bullet ~
cried one of the men. "Probably shot
into the oyster to kill him." added the
other. "Well, that is IL mystery :" said
the man behind the counter. "Gentle
men, that's no mystery to me-" re-
piled the farmer, as he deposited the
ball in his vest-pOcket. At the battle
of Fair Oaks, over ~ years ago, was
| hit in the leg 10y that very bullet. It's
! been a long time working mp, but she's
here at last, and III have it hung to
my watch-chain if it costs So De-
trOit Free Press.
A story is told of young sophie
more, the newly appointed editor of
college paper in New England, who,
on his way home III vacation some
years ago, made the acquaintance of
quiet gentleman on railroad train.
"Englishman, perceive" airily began
our college boy. The stranger bowed.
'YOu must find much to amuse you in
this country. We are so very crude,
50 new ~ said the sophomore, who was
an Anglo maniac. "'There is one
thing, however, on which flatter my
self we compare favorably with john
Bull our newspapers. The journal
lists of this country rank high, sir
high !" Having received civil reply,
he continued: 81 am myselfan editor.
Like to look at a copy of our paper ?"
pulling out the small sheet from his
pocket. "NOw, you have no idea
nobody not in the profession can have
any idea-of the labor and mental
strain involved in that small sheet.
Keep it. There may he "A paragraph
or two in it that is worth considering,
even if it does come from this side of
the water" His companion changed
his place soon afterward; and the
amused conductor, who had overheard
the conversation, said to the Young
man, "DO you know who that was ?"
"NO." at was Mr.. Walter of the
London Times" - Youths Companion.