National Republican., 1883-08-04
THE MAN ON THE AVENUE.
Small T,IL About Men and nTensures


Small Talk About Men ana Measures.
Let me tell you about Dakota" said the
log uacious PostofTico department men. "Do
you see this double handful Of mail2 Well,
it's all from Dakota. Here are the adventur-
ous members of the Jones. Brown, and Smith
families petitioning for new postoffioes. They
represent that their neighborhoods are grow
ing rapidly, and they have almost no means of
communication with tho old folks at home
They want offices established right away and
recommend that the Squire, who has just
started grocery and notion store be ap-
pointed postmaster at salary of from ten to
fifteen dollars per annum Here are some ofthe
names which they suggest as appropriate for
the proposed offices. "Total Wreck" How
does that strike you for a new community !?
Hard Times" LOUSY Canon" "Crazy
Prairie" "Pilltaker," /" Clean Shirt" " Extra
Socks" empty Buttos," "Cleat Grit"
"Pickwick," Merry Corners" Music
! Snake" these are samples Of names actually
suggested by the petitioners. But what 1
started to tell you was that this country is
growing faster than any ono knows. The
mail messenger here says that the correspond
| once with Dakota has more than doubled dur
ing the past year. This is plain pointer as
to the growth oftho territory. Every county
has several petitions in for new offices, and
they are all from bona fdo new communities
which are just being settled"
$50
"Wo have double dose of pleasant mourn
| ing" says the young lady in the sixth audi
tors office. when an ox-secretary of the
treasury dies we are given holiday upon
which to mourn or 60 shopping. When an
ex-pCstmaster general goes to the sugared
| subsequently, we are given another day of
fastness and ense. This is because we belong
| to two departments Seasons of rejoicing
come singly TO other departments, but unto
us they come doubly. We have no intention
of striking, however," and she resumed her
official embroidery.
ase
A millionaire Missourian, who has several
private vaults full of betrayed dollars, says
that "if congress fails to make the snide silver
legal tender next winter he will bring the
matter before the supreme court, in order
that the law taking away its legal tender
quality to the extent of So, with which it was
| originally invested, may be declared uncon-
stitutional in that it involves violation of
contract" He claims that the law which
made it a legal tender represents contract
with the holder that it should be worth its
face value, 100 cents. "Ihere has been moth
| ing before the judicial branch of this nation" !"
says the Missourian, "for many year which
will be of such widespread interest and ben
eft as this suit of mine if / am obliged to
present it,"
| "Give my side fair show" insists one
faction of the Veteran corps. Give my side
a good send-off" demands the other faction.
Between the two, one of the ablest reporters
in this or any other city has been driven to
semi-lunacy.'
The Iowa man, who is enthusiastic, says that
the republican party has pledged itself to
temperance in this years campaign, and will
| bury beer beneath an avalanche of ballots
We will have a bigger majority than ever
The democrats thought they could combine
all of the Germans against us on the beel
question. They ignored the fact that Iowa
4 has a host of temperance democrats, who will
join us in this campaign. We will lick then
out of their boots" Then he licked his lip!
and wiped his chin.
@"@
"The correspondents of the dramati,
journals do not send as full or reliable reports
to their respective papers as in the days o
yore," remarked a well posted devotee of tn,
Thespian art. 81 do not know who the rep
resentatives are now, but l was personally
acquainted with the gentlemen who were the
authorized critics in this city a few year'
ago. The Mercury, the Clipper, and tn,
Dramatic and Musical Mirror were N
papers, besides numerous alleged dramati
journals were represented. Thad Sailer wa
the Mercury man, and his pointed jotting
made many an actor squirm. viii Ander
son conducted the Clipper department., AM
was always prompt and accurate Harr
, Johnston furnished the Mirror with column
weekly, and, having more space than tn
Others, his articles were more extensive an
were a feature of the paper for tho eigh
consecutive years that he represented il
These three worthless were nightly at tn
theater, and many an actor has been seen al
/ tempting to obtain their opinions previous
publication. Now the reports are merely date
of departures and arrivals, with an occasions
word or SO of the acting. May be it is just O
we'll, for the DETERRENT departments do nc
seem to have their former brightness. Th
writers have SO much space to fill, and the
do it as a duty and not q pleasure"
, a@s
= Mr. Raynor, solicitor of the treasury, hs
Q declared that he did not threaten to cut o
Hesing's attorneys ears; but for the vindic'
s tion of the truth of history it may be we'll I
v state just what he did say. "Your inform
ant" he pleasantly observed, riveting I'll
attorney with his eyes, ais blankety blanke
:. liar, and if / knew him 1 would smash h
nose and nail his ears to the WALL"
A Sensational Story Dlscredited.
- A recent dispatch from Washington to
k prominent northern journal, purporting I
II disclose a new scheme for the acquisition of
a portion of Mexico by the United States, hi
% attracted some attention. The scheme is
.s When congress meets next winter, the Anne
"a leans in Chihuahua Mexico said 10 numb,