The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-10-02
The Daily Bulletin.
WIT AND HUMOR.

20 10 tne lellOWslODc Is because IL taxes
yellow stones to get there.
Matrmony is said TO be lottery,
but up to the hour Of going to press no
law has been enacted prohibiting the
use of the males.
New York clubs are famous all over
the world. --New York Exchange,
More especially those in the hands Of
the police.
A little girl being asked by her grand
father where cotton grew, replied, with
the greatest simplicity, I'm old gentle
mems ears.
The following is extracted from a
smart boys composition on Babies:
The mothers's heart gives 4th JOY at
the babys lst 9TH.
Never does man believe so strongly
in the attraction OF gravitation as when
he sits down in chair and finds it
gone.
Fortune knocks at every mans door
once in life," but in good many
cases the man is in neighboring saloon
and does not hear him.
No fashion chat; Poor creatureW ex-
claimed Mrs. Groograin, looking at the
pictures Of nude savage woman, mo
clothing of any kind! ! wonder what
the poor things have to talk about?'--
man had just said TO friend,
"Let take another when his wife
turned the corner, but his duty to his
wife was not forgotten--"view OF the
political situation" he added.
You must be quarrelsome fellow"
said phrenologist to man whose
bump he was examining Say that
again and I'll knock you down." was
the response.
Loss Of sleep, it is said, is mailing
men small and pnny. That is n fact.
just look at the difference in physique
Of delicate scholar and the robust
night policeman.
An editor in Georgia says: Cold is
found in thirty-six counties in this State
silver in three, diamonds in twentv-siA,
and whisky in all of them, and the last
gets away with all the rest
Schoolmistress- "You see, my love-
IL puncture this iudia-rubber ball, il
will collapse. Do you understands
Child-"O yes, | understand; if you
prick it will 90 squash.
Lord Chesterfield, noticing very
grave and awkward couple dancing a
minuet, said they looked as ii they were
doing it for money and were doubtful
about getting paid.
There are two classes of unmarried
women in society, 'scrawny old maids"
and young "chits of girls" You learn
this by hearing each Of these classes de-
scribe the other
The right kind of boy with a pea
shooter can take mans mind or his
business troubles and politics quicker
than anything else in this bleak, cold
world.
The published report of benevolent
society says: Notwithstanding the
large amount paid for medicine and
medical attendance, very few deaths
occurred during the year,
A plant has been found that cures
bashiuIness 1t should be promptly
tried on the man VINO leaves the hotel
by the back window because he is too
diilident to say good-by to the cashier.
It's very easy to start false reports.
just because u woman, while buying
broom, wanted one with a heavy and
strong handle, it was reported around
that she was in the habit Of beating her
hus band.
II watched the pillows by day, |
watched the sea by night says a cur
rent poet. He should engage himself
as hotel clerk at the seashore, where
he could watch the Dill-owes all the
time.
Dibdiu has horse which he called
"Graphy," Very odd name, said n
friend Not at all. " responded Tom;
"whcn mount him it's Topography;
and when want him to 90 its Geo-ho-
Graphy. " SomerUale Journal
a reporter who had just done his first
boat race was rebuked by the city edit
or for not mentioning anywhere that
the oarsmen "took water" and replied
that none Of them took water they all
took gin.
A crusly old fellow once asked "What
is the reason that griilinS, dragons. and
demons are ladies' favorite subjects for
embroidery dcsigns?' "Ah, it is be-
cause they are continually thinking OF
their husbands" was the quick rctort
A cicerone, directing the attention OF
foreigner to the portrait OF Harvey,
said: This is the man who invented
the circulation Of the blood, discovered
iish-sauce, and wrote a book OF medit-
ations among the tombsH'
William said n teacher to one Of
his pupils, "can YOU tell me why the
sun rises in the cast?n "Don't know,
sir, replied William, "cept il be that
the east makes everything rise. " Teach-
err tainted.
An Awkward Compliment: Lady
(bctweon the danccs), 81 remember my
first ball as il il were only yesterday
Her partner-"Dcar me what u wonder
full memory the fraucin must have!
F2tegende Biattcr.
Milkman Go small boy)' "Tell your
mother she'll have to pay ready money
for milk after this. | amt going to
chalk up any more" Small boy:
what are you going to use instead of
4. a