Connecticut western news., 1883-08-01
Wait till he comes down, Towser. Mid dleto,On TrdnScript.
A SAFE RISK.

SAFE RISK. ''I want to get my life insured for $l0,000," said a southern editor to an ln- surance agent, "but to be frank with YOU, I have accepted a challenge to fight duel, next week. If you care to take the chances you can make out the policy at once."
 "Who is the other manp" asked the agent, as he handed over the papers and pocketed the premium. He was told, and when he went to bed that night he felt that the two policies issued that day were the safest risks he had ever accomplished. d.-Rochester Empress. THAT DRESS.
 A young lady in the rural districts wrote to us asking advice about how to have a dress made. Now, we didn't know what to say. But we wanted to accommodate her, so we got fashion magazine, copied a description of dress, and sent it to her. Yesterday the queerest creature we ever saw bounced into our office. "Do you see this dress ?" she demanded. ''Ive worn it in hereto let you see it. This is the thing you advised me to make; look at it." Then she went on. She had caused the dress to be made up, worn It to the city. expecting it to be right m style, and found it to be terror. h. vestigation showed that the magazine was of 1S47. Post. LIFE OF THE OCEAN WAVE.
 The Ocean StAamer-The wrong man: "wil you be kNd enough, sir, to in- form me, sir, of the location of No. 418?" "A
 'Take two turns'ande half hitch, let go the weather maipbrace, blew up yer t'gal- lant stay-sail, nbrt yer helm, and ask the man at the wheel"
 "Thanks. ."-Life.
 NOT DIFFICULT TO SATISFY HIM.
 "Now you see if I was rich wouldn't slave myself at work this hot weather" said Job Shuttle, rettectively.
 "Ah, yes, you would," exclaimed Patience, with smile. "You always would work. I hould like to know when you would call yourself rich enough to stop work ?" .-.s.
 "Well, Patience, my dear, If l was rich enough to keep coupon cutter running by steam I would take it easy for fortnight, fight in the heat of the weather. ."-Hdrtford Post.
 HE WAS THERE.
 .sWas I in de wah, Boss? Just listen at dat; was in de wahP Why, seed avery battle dat was fit, and knowd Lee and Stonewall Jackson and Jef Davis and all dem jis as we'll as I does dat nlg' ger you see in dar shinin' shoes. Gene ral Lee partickler, he thought great deal of me, and when I'd ax him to give me furlough he lowed:
 "'Bob, Ican't spare you. I'm agwine to fight dat battle whar talked to you about, and I'm bound to have you by me. But, however, if you'll be back in four days certain sure, you can go.
 "Sure 'nough I'd be comin' back into camp whistlin at night, and Lee he'd say to Stonewell Jackson:
 "'Dere's Bob comin' back now; know him by his whistle. It's all right now; we can go ahead. '"-Rfchmo''0 State.
 GOOD BUSINESS.
 The late Mayo Watkins of Virginia, was somewhat noted for his quaint wit. On one occasion pompous young man, with very high notions of his own inn portance. consulted him in regard to choosing @ vocation for life. He said: "Mr. Watkins as you have been very successful man, am sure you are capa- ble of giving excellent advice to young man just starting in life. What busi- ness would you advise me to engage in z I "Shoemaking, was the sententious reply.
 The young man gazed at him in blank amazement for several seconds, but see- ing that he was apparently in deep ear nest, he inquired his reason for recom- mending such humble occupation. Without cracking smile MT. Wat kins replied: "Shoemaking is good business, a very good business, and 1t will always remain good business as
 long as babies are born barefooted. - Harper's "DrdOer."
 THE HEAVY INTEREST. l Last year the old man Hastings settled down in village on the other side of the Hudson to enjoy old age and lend l money at twelve per cent. but he has closed out business, so far as the lend t ing goes. He lent $350 at 12 per cent. 9 per anuum for four months, and when r the note fell due and the man came to | pay it, Hastings was alone in the house. 3 He called up all his knowledge of arith- !. metic, got out a shingle and lead pen
 Gil, and after figuring away for half an
 hour without any satisfaction, he called 0 out to a man who was passing in t buggy:
 "Hey, you! How do you 6gger l2
 per cent. interest ?"
 a "I take $20 off the capital, shouted
 the man, as he drove on. !. The old man figured away on the new ,s theory, and by and-by he wiped the e sweat off his brow and said:
 "See here, Smith, this comes ou e mighty queer You've had my money a four months at 12 per cent. and yet
 seem to owe you four dollars. Here
 take your old note and give me $350 '. and we'll call it square, and if I lent d any more money round here IT