The Benton weekly record. [volume] (Benton, Mont.) 1880-1885, 1883-05-26
SALAD FOR SUNDAY.
A SLIM BANQUET.

| oay, my GEAR, whispered Mr.. Spo0
pendyke, closing the door carefully ant
approaching his wife with a broad grin OF
his visage. esay, my dear, Specklewot
ties is down stairs Iii the parlor. He has
come to take dinner with us!''
sGreat gracious!'' exclaimed Mrs
Spoopendyke, dropping her work and
bustling up to the glass to arrange hel
hair. "What did he come to to-day for
Don't he know it's wash day."
''He came for dinner!'' retorted Mr..
spoopendyke, turning pale around the
lips. ''What dye s'pose he came for, to
be washed? What's wash day got to do
with it? Think the man can be soaked in
tub and hung over clothes line with a
measly wooden pin astride the small of his
back? Well, he didn't, he came for grub,
and you want to hustle around and get it
pretty lively for him, or I'll begin to
serve up things myself before long!"
"But, my dear," demonstrated Mrs.
spoopendyke. '''rhere's nathing in the
AouSC! 1AC
"Then serve up the clothes!" roared
Mr.. Spoopcndyke, who had utterly for
gotten the day of the week when he invited
his friend, and now wanted his wife to
get him out Of the scrape somehow, and at
the same time not let him down with
SpeckleWottle. "Just put the clothes on
platter and set 'em before him You
can explain to him that we only eat three
times week, like dog in hot weather |!
That'll satisfy him, so long as he has the
clothes to eat''
"You don't imagine he would want to
eat the clothes, do you?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, innocently.
"Just try him!" yelled Mr.. spoopen-
dyke, enraged at the idea of being taken
literally. "Iust try him and sling in
some of the natural grace you always put
on at the table! 'Mr. Specklewottle,
have some of this fricassed petticoat ?"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke held out the legs Of
his trousers as a woman holds her skirts
and watzed around the room. "Mr.
Specklewottle, have little of this poached
night shirt. Now, Mr.. Specklewottle, do
try one of these fried socks, and a slice of
the pillow sham! Dear Mr.. Specklewot-
tie, pray let me help you to piece of this
shirt collar and pair of stuffed cuffs
made them myself, and though they are
not as good as--that's the way to do itn'
continued Mr.. Spoopendyke, suddenly
concluding his remarks with war-whoop
and presenting himself before his wife all
out of breath. "Think you've got that
bill of fare all right? See your way clear
to successful dinner party now?"
sThere's some cold shad, down stairs,
and I think there is raw ham in the Gel
lar" ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke, re-
garding her husband with startled look
of inquiry, as if asking if he thought
Specklewottle would mind the meat being
raw, and the fish tritle cold. II don't
think he has anything home on Mondays
except cabbage and beans. Or, perhaps
he may have doughnuts and pie" she
continued, hastily, seeing her husband
swelling with retort. 'sAnd I'm sure
doughnuts and pie are good"
ssThat's what he wants! !" howled Mr..
SpoopendYke. "Bring forth the shad that
froze to death in the house of Spoopen-
dyke! Produce the ham with a crumpled
horn that milked the shad that froze to
death in the house of Spoopendyke! De-
velop the measly banquet and let joy be
unconfined! Amt you got any more
sense than bung-hole? Think I'm 60
ing to bring the aristocracy here to tatten
on dead fish and live hogs? How long
are you going to let that man sit down
stairs in state of starvation? Where's
that roast of beef brought home the 9TH
er day?''
''I think we ate that all up the day it
came home" sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
ssDo you mean that roast with the queer
little sticks in it9"
ssThe same" replied Mr.. spoopendyke,
nerving himself for another ordeal. "Did
we eat the sticks? Am | to understand
that there is not one little dodgasted stick
left on all that afffuent luxuriousness?
Lift the impenetrable vail of obscurity off
the secluded bower of the shrinking
sticks,o he yelled, as it dawned on him
that Specklewottle was in the parlor,
waiting to be fed, and that the social pro-
blem was no nearer solution than when he
started. "Let us unravel the mystery that
hangs like pail over the fate of the un-
happy sticks, that they may come forth
and fructify Specklewottle, and in the
excess of his emotion Mr.. Spoopendyke
gasped for breath, and resting his hands
on his knees, looked as if he were inviting
his wife to q little game Of leap-frog.
There's some lettuce in the house, and
T bought some strawberries to-day, and
could cook the steak had saved over for
breakfast = murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke,
coming out triumphantly in the end, wo-
man like. "And I will put on my new
wine colored satin, and we will give him
a nice supper.
s.Going to put that wine colored satin
on the shad or the ham ~ hoWled Mr..
Spoopendykc, who had mans idea that
dinner Is not dinner until it is roasted.
''Think I brought that man here at six
o'clock in the afternoon to take breakfast