Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1883-08-03

AN epidemic Of cholera infantum has b4oken
out among the dudes Of the east and a boom IN
soothing syrup has ensued.
pRospEcroR who thought he had struck
rich lead mine, was astonished to find he was
working frontier graveyard.
WHY should cow desire to invade foreign
lands when can have such royal old circus
right here at home?"-Jay Gould.
Iowa produced $40 twins last year. The
average Iowan should be satisfied with repeat
ing at elections, but it seems that he is not
The cigarette makers have struck, but the
stock on hand is sufficient to keep the mortality
list up to the average until work is resumed.
If the old time practice of striking liars dead
should now prevail the mortality among West
ern Union officials would be really appalling.
The TRIBUNE does not publish the fact to in
duce rush of immigration, but it is true that
an English sparrow was never seen in Bismarck.
If Mrs. Langtry had taken Gebhardt with her
out of the country, many of her Irregularities
would have been generously and gratefully
forgotten.
TIE Duluth Tribune says the Navajo Indians
will clip large quantity of wool this season.
Are colored troops to be put in the field in their
country?
A MAN named Darling lives in Fargo and
when any one calls to him on the street every
young lady within three blocks blushes and
looks around.
The Minnesota editors rejoiced when their
excursion was over. They glad to get those
deuced uncomfortable white shirts from off
their faultless forms.
BETWEEN neighboring towns in the east
where the telegraph tariff on message was
formerly Is cents it is now 28 cents. The extra
three cents is fer postage.
THE Adventists say the world is to be again
deluged at the end of the present year, and
steamship companies are figuring on special
excursion rates for the occasion.
FARMER daughter named Spanker has fled
to Chicago with gambler and $4,000 of her
fathers cash. He ought to put the family name
into active practice when he catches her.
YES, the Minnesota notables who sailed for
Europe the other day became seasick. Incom-
ing vessels reportl large numbers of dru nken
fish cavorting around on the top of the water
few miles out
Tls hat
pointed shoes remain in use human toes will
eventually be obliterated among civilized peo-
ple Then the corn will cease from troubling
and the hoof will be at rest.
MISS WALKER, and eight other young ladies
of Huntsville, Ala, challenged male nine in
game of base ball, and beat them. Early in
the game some unmitigated scoundrel yelled
"snakev' and every young lady in the club
made home run.
The names of some of the pleasure resorts in
Maine are Mollychunkamunk, Mooseluemagun-
tic, Ayboljockamejus, Magaguadvaic, Cobbossee,
Coutee, Tomhegan. Katepskowegan, Azircoos,
Ripogenus and Mattawamkeag, and Maine is q
temperance state, too.
IT WAS telegraphed all over the country that
the president will wear wool shirt on his west
ern trip. and now the operators say that until
they go to work again the general public will
not be able to learn the color of that shirt. This
is the most fendishly cruel feature the strike
has yet presented.
MISS HELEN G. THOMPSON, of Delphus, Kan,
writes to Miles City to know if she can get
situati3n IN ss clerk or in herding cattle. She
prefers the latter providing the work is not
away from settlement. She has been teach
ing school till her health broke down.
A NUMBER of dead men have been found scat
tered about Duluth during the past three weeks,
and it is remarkable that Editor Mitchell hasn't
been accused of murder in connection with the
other soul-appa'ling crimes built up ''for this
occasion only" by abe papers of that city.
A MONTANA belle being asked by Bismarck
man if they possessed any culture out her way
replied: "Culture? You bet your variegated
socks we do! We kin..sling more culture to the
square foot in Helena than they kin in any
camp in America. Culture? Oh, loosen my
. corsets till smile!''
Az exchange says: Among the pieces of
autobiographical information which Oscar
Wilde lately served up for the delectation OF
a London audience was one to the effect that
during his sojourn in America he was variously
addessed as Captain" Colonel and "Pro-
fesaor." There was another pet name that our
country called you, Oscar. Can you recall i?
It began with an + asd ended with an and
rhymed with school & ..' s,'.