St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1883-10-26
The Upper Berth.

One of the most difficult tb;rc,s =,
this world, next to swimming tLe
Whirlpool of Niagara, is to get into tbe
upper berth in sleeping car. remarks
the Texas Siftings. 1t lis moving and
affecting spectacle to see the fat and
habltually dignified head of n family
laboriously acquire possession of an
upper berth. The trouble begins Inv
the old gentleman expostulating with
the conductor for putting him so bicb
up, and he begs that gilt-edged official
To try and make n trade with some
small-sized man who can easily climb
up the side of the car and crawl inside
with little or no difficulty. The com
manding officer of the quarter deck
says he will see what he can do about
1t, and then he wanders off into the
Dlue regions of the smoking car and
shakes dice with the train boy for n
cigar. Meanwhile the fat man waits
ana persplres, and fumes, and curses
I'LL tile oInclals of the road from the
president down to the section bosses.
When the conductor saunters leisure
| ly back, he tells the fat man that moth
ing can be done no one. he saws. will
exchange lower berth for an upper
no, not even if the fat man will rive
something to boot. Then the dirnitied
fat man glares at the other passengers.
ana waits until they have all retired
neIore he tries to get up into the berth.
ihere are several different ways of
forcing an entrance into an upper berth.
lou can hire the porter for two-bits to
give you leg-up, but this method is
liable to attract attention and excite
unSenerous and sarcastic remarks.
The dlgnified fat man has regular
circus. First swinging himself up by
the curtain bar, he tries to 20 in feet
llrst, but he can't let go the rail with
out tumbllng back again into the aisle.
The porter helps him out of this fix,
and the fat man tries new deal.
L ms time he steps on the ear of IL sleep
ing beauty in the lower berth, and the
sleeping beauty knocks the pins out
from under him and the fat man retires
to the wash-rOom to bathe his nose and
abuse monopolies.
Then he gets the porter to bring a
chmp-stOOl he gets up on it. catches
mold of the brass rod above. and is
about to spring for the berth when the
camp-stool doubles up, and, in his eff
forts to save himself from coming down
with II ''dull thud" on the floor. he
wildly grabs the bell-cord, and that
stops the train, and the conductor
comes in and uses language to HIM,
and the passengers all wake up and use
more language, and the dignified fat
passenger even wishes he was dead or
that he had more clothes on. Finally
he manages to crawl into the upper
birth, and he boils over with malicious
thoughts and sinister desires for the
bankruptcy of the railroad company.
1t is a full hour before he relapses
into slumber, and then the conductor
comes along and punches him, and his
ticket; and then Il horrible suspicion
flashes across him that the berth may
become loOsened in some way from its
catch, and spring mp against the cell
ing of the car and smother him. He
sleeps no more until daylight, and then
he has to jump out and dress hurriedly,
f"" a." t"..i'' :" '.''.,.,;"e- into the city.
good stretch on the longitudinal
cushioned seats of the cabOose in IL
freight train is many points ahead of the
best upper berth ever invented for
palace sleeping-car, and we don't care
who knows it.