Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1883-01-20
uI MOROUS.

y
ladv's life is when she tries 10 get half
gallon foot into quart shoe.
You never knew how much wafer m
umbrella is capable of containing until
you stand it against the wall and on your
best carpet.
American women are said TO oe the most
graceful in the world; but what M awful
mess they make of il when they try 10
throw stone.
a little boy came to his mother recently
and said: II should think tha; if was
made of dust would get muddy inside
when drink"
4 little boy in Georgia, who wrote SAN
IA Claus tor a pony was wise enough TO
a,ld:-"Po>t>cript. Ii he is mule,
Please tyhis behine legs"
A lawyer. explaining the meaning of
contingent fee To his client, sail: "if
lawyer loses the case, he gets molhins; IL
he wins you get nothing
\ smart American girl calls "a young
fellow of her acquaintance Honey
suckle." because he's always hanging
over the front fence in the evening.
We have heard of persons going into 4
drug store aud inquiring for nails, but
the latest oddily is an old lady who went
into a butcher shop TO buy liver pads.
Ii you grasp rattlcsnakc firmly about
the neck he cannot hurt you, says West
crn paper. To be- perfectly safe il would
be well TO let the hired man do the grasp
ing.
Fom daughters of Kentucky farmer
eloped ia one night, each couple taking
different road, aud il drove the oil man
about crazy 10 decide which party 10 pur-
sue.
Cheyenne society is narrowed up ovcra
question of etiquette. People are divided
in opinion as to which coat sleeve a man
should wipe his mouth with after eating
soup.
"ln choosing wife, says an exchange,
"bc governed by her chin" The worst
OF il is that after choosing wife one is
apt To keep on being governed ia the
same way.
"What is virgin iorest?" asked an
orator. "Phwat IL u virgin forest is IL ye
want to kaowg virgin forest, SUR, Is
one phwcre the hand of man has niyer set
fut, beJad."
! Cyclones and tornadoes are so common
in >"me part, ol the West that ms soon rs u
! baby is born they tie Il ilatiron to IL, dress
! to keep the first wind storm from blow
ing it away.
Gentlemen calling at the house Of
! friend) "ls your mistress my" Mary:
"She j., sur" Gentleman: SIS she cn-
gagedY" Mary: Faith, she's more than
/ that-she's married."
! An Alabama negro offered To plunge
into lake and kill an alligator with
! knife for iifty cents. lie plungcl, AMI II
| the allg ltOr didn't eat him he Is stuck In
the mud on tie bottom.
! An old bachelor recently gave the fol-
! lowing toast: WomaB-the morning star
| of infancy, the day star of manhood, the
/ evening star OF age. Bless our STAR, aud
may they always be kept at telescopic
/ distance.
A small boy of four summers was riding
on Il hoDby-noise with n companions. lie
was seated rather uncomfottably on the
| horses neck. After a reflective pause, he
said, IL il,ink II one of H. gets of could
ride much better"
Two sons OF the Emerald Isle discuss
ing certain colored man, one remarked,
"But he was moighty shmart, dye
moindT' "Phat are ye talkin' abontr"
replied the other. eff he was 80 smart
how did he come TO be a nagur?"
Fathers often make great misrake in
bringing up their sons TO follow their own
trade. A Philadelphia trtink.maker Was
wiser He hal ten sons, and all are now
baggagemen on railroad passenger trains.
That trunk-maker is getting rich.
An ignorant housemaid who had 10 call
gentleman to dinner, found him engaged
Ia using "A tooth brush. "Well, Is he
coming?" said the lady Of the house, when
the servant returned. eyes, ma'an, Ill
rectly; he's sharpening his teeth"
a fashionably attircd young lady asked
her doctor the other day IL he did not
think that the great weight OF the large
hats and bonpets now Ia style had teL-
dency 10 cause disease Of the brain. "Sot
nj all. my dear miss; ladies' who have
brains don't wear those large hats"
81 believe you are fool, John" testify
exclaimed Mrs. Miggs, as her husband
unwitiingly presented her the bot end Of
potato dish, which she promptly dropped
and broke. "Yes," he added, resigDedly,
chats what the clerk told me when
went take out my marriage license"
Ar Irishman who hal been conieDding
that mule wa q nObler animal than q
horse, WAS pressed 10 explain bis prefer
ence, and thereupon acknowledged that
mule hid once saved him from drowning.
GLOW was that, Pa6dy?" asked one OF the
by-standers. Faith, he gave ~. such q
lick wild his hind leg that he landed me
on the other side OF the eanlwl, Instead
Of In it,"
when is yer gwine ter Frederlcks-
burg?" asked an Austin darkey who had
learned 10 read OF one who had not ae-
quired that accomplishment. II sm