davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19
ANOTHER souArrER.
Why an Arksnssw Small Farmer Would
 Not Taik Business.

why an Afkansaw small Farmef would
 Not raik Business.
 \ cat,le-dealer stopped at the house ot an Arkansa~ small farmer, and called to man who was drawing water with an old-fashioned windlass that cried ou, with an alarming seieak a, every turn d the crank.
 "'Lieh, !" shouted the drawer of wa- ter.
 The man dismeun,ed and approached the well. 'l am a cattle e-buyes," said the man, and I'd like 10 talk business ,o you"
 Cant talk business ,,ll give these steers as much water as they want"
 How long will ii take your"
 Blamed f know. They amt had m water for two days, and the wells sew en,y-hse fec, deep. and the haeke, leaks. now make the eaic'la,ion,'
 How long have you been drawing { '
 senee sun up; and they're jest as rampan, now as they was ~hen com. menecd. ] don't 1ow ,o ao no,hia else iet several days yi,. fer bY the time one eiis 'nough, Inc other one is splin' Ter same'
 Why don't you drive them to the eresk:"
 :" har amt no creek in the nelghbor- hood
 Why don't you drive them .o the fivers'
 "'Cos they'd rush in an drown theu d-d selves'
 Why don't you diive them to the pondi"
 They won :, drink tha, souer wa,er.p
 Dontyoa want to sell ,hems''
 'i would fl had the ole woman's con. sent, an think she's ~illin'.'
 Where is she '"
 "she's jes' git,in' ready 10 SO over to see one of the neighbofs"
 You'd better consult her before she leaves"
 You don't know that woman like do. [, aint safe to pes,er hes when she's gissin' ready to go any ~har. Wen hafser val, till she gifts thar"
 How far !. itf"
 About nine mics.
 .i see yos don, care to talk business" No, ain'i so powerful keen.'
 II you'd pay more attention 10 bas,- ness you'd live better"
 Don't wan,eT live no bener's 1 am. Suits me-"
 Are yoa making any attempt to edu- cate your eh,ldrens"
 "4ss, an they're giuin' along hne. Jim hi, nigges with a rock yistsrday, Lob sassed less,ce of the peace an Back amt zisesed of the devil. That's mighty good sho~in', les me tell you;'' and the windlass screaked and the steers walled their eyes.
 Are all of your children boys5"
 They might have been ef h hadns been fur one thing"
 What was iha,yv
 .0ne of 'e1n was gal"
 Where is she nowi
 Married to the uihin'ea ieiter ever seed.s
 Well. there's no use iooIing with yes. good-day."
 Cood-day," and he turned the crank, msstering to himself, !" nosin' round here tryin' 10 find out who's got whisky. A man master be snigkiy smart shsss dsys-s
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19
BROKE BOTH LEGS.

-ra,' said the vile young punster to his father, why is the orztoy of the swamp farmer like the liseszsure cf pop ulaY wri,er.r
 "Dont kno~,7 the father replied.
 .You see, the pen of the literary man IS often quoted
 sWelis
 .. And don't you know that the tongue of the swamp farmer is often coaied:"
 shortly afterwards, ~hen q neighbor rho had heard noise, called and asked the cause. the father related the circum- stance, and added @l have just broken bo.t of his iegs-'
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19
A SATISFACTORY SETTLEMENT.
How an Arkansaw Man Succeeded in
 Paying His Taxes.

The rural Arkansaw man dEeads the approach of the tax-assessoT as he would an epidemic. He thinks that taxation Is robbery, and that the government, should not only be able to take care of itseh, but should contribute to the support of men who would rather sit on the bank of a bayou and fish than 10 stir the fragrant soil. The other day an assessor stoppet al house, dismounted and went in to consult the old gentleman, whom he found stretched upon the floor, almost surrounded by circle Of tobacco spit. or as the country people are pleased to term the extracted juice, -ambier." ]" While the assessor talked 10 the old man, one of the boys went ou, and put cob under his saddle. Af,er making a sa,i.- factory assessmen, the official mounted his horse. The animal squasted.
 Whoa :"
 The animal jumped nd raised his heels high in the air
 Didn', tell you h whoa What's the use in trying to ae, like a colt when you're 50 desilish old. Whoa, tell ,oa -
 The horse leaped around, threw up hls head and broke for the woods.
 "Whoa, here e." shouted the rider. and the farmer who had been apprlsed oi the cob transaction, leaned on the fence and laughed ill the rails shook.
 "Whoa, whoa" came rom the woods, and the boy sha, had caused the mischief climbed tree to report proceedings. Pretty soon an awful ,hump was heard, and after awhile the assessor came limp ing to the house. One side of his face vas skinned, his gnuckles were bruised and his chin was covered with dir.
 What's the matters" asked the farmer.
 What's the h-ll '" the assessor re- piled. "To think that I've been riding young horses all my life, and then to be throwed by an old one-eyed brute, makes me so mad don't know ~ha, to do ',
 Where's the horse eg"
 dumped of the bluff. down there. l go, up from where he had piled me jus, in time to see him 90 over.r
 Did it kill him."
 "Wish il had bu, he swum the creek and struck out. reckon by this time he's down in the neighborhood of the Sandwich Islands. Hope somebody'I shoot him :"
 What made him ae, ,ha, way, you reckon ["
 Blamed if know; but tell you what TN do. The boys never will les up on me if they ind out that was piled by such an old horse, and if yoa'li promise not to say anything about il. I'll no, make any return of your property. and you won't have to pay cent of taxes. What io you say 2"
 It's mighty hne joke ter keep hid, and don't sec how can do is,s the old man replied. :" Pve go; big family to support, and your offer Is powerful flat term; but dingcd fl see how can ae- commod2te you"
 But, by George, old man, you must can't fAce the boys with such stain on my character. Say, just keep qu,e, abou, it, and I'll settle your taxes, and send you a quart of iiquor."
 !" "'NuH said. can 'scuse you fl you are slow in sestlin' ,he taxes, bat fl the flicker aint here by tomorrow, blow 7 Al DYING HUMoRisT.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19

iu tas@a.a.soH as lAS VSask NSA hkutSA so consp:ouously in sacred history.
 .ls ,hA, the kinder lion ,ha, Sampson killed 2"
 "Yes, that's the kind.n
 Do you think Sampson coulder killed this one:'
 -oh. yes
 And if he was;er k.ll him, would he find honey in him m:'
 "No.'
 How came him to find honey in the one he silled: =
 "Beeaase the Lord put t there"
 Well, couldn't ,he Lord pu, i, in this one:s
 -Yes, He eosld.'
 Why don, lie, then
 "l don't know.
 Why"
 Because s.aa,; ;ha:'s why. Now hush
 Was the hons den ,ha, Daniel was thrown ln ike ,nis.
 don, knaW wha; kind of d de i, vas. ba; they are the same kind of lions.
 ,'l be; fl Daniel was,er so in there they'd cha~ him: don, yoa."
 1" No, f the Lord was wi.h him."
 The lord could make 'em tuck their .ails anu seoo,. couldn't He :.
 Hush. ST. CT I'll take you home. po yop hear me Come on he continued, as he band @l,h loud burst began to play. They wen, into the circus pavilion aud SC, ared seats. When the perform anoe began. the boy sat in speeches. rap;are bui when man came ou, and began 10 handle oannon-bAlls and hold boys ou; a, arms length, the enthusiastic child pulled his fathers coat and asked
 He's a.rnos, as strong as Sampson, am, he e:' 1 -No.''
 Why ain, he: Qui, that !" he es- claimed, turning to boy who had pinched him. Don't you pinch me again.
 '' will if want to. Do you dare me 9' and he punched him again. Young Null kii,le reached around and caught the in- sul,er by the hair, and an exciting scuf- fes ensued. A policeman rushed to the scene, seized Mir. Mulkit,le, who was try ing 70 separate the boys, and exclaimed :
 Come on here. Fine man, to get tw O boys 10 hghsin'. Had my eye on you for some time"
 "Turn me loose! I'm a minister."
 "Fine minister. I've sired you up. You are Hog Jack, the crook. Come on and he hustled Mr. Muikittle from his seat, showed him through the crowd out into the open air. so quickly that the boy los, sight of his father and would have cned out in alarm, but jus, then the clown be- gan 10 sing abou, meeting somebody in the garden where the praties grow.
 Now, you raosey," said the policeman. "Don', you at,emp, to go back. I'll clip you with the billy"
 "I ;ell you ,ha. am minister and hAat has~ sN'A ny soA sD hs< sao".
 -Scud, l tell you. If you go back in there I'll lo:k you up. Stud on away. l tell you"
 Protes:aiion was useless, and the good man waited until the performance ~as ever, when he found the boy who was try ing to make arrangements to attend the grand :. conci;." The walk home was silent and unln,erexting, and when Mn. Mulkittlc spoke of the show. the minister requested her not to mention il 2: that he did no, ike 10 recall such worldliness Next morning he received note from the executive committee of the church, which read:
 We understand that you attended the circus, got drunk, got t~o boys into 2 hght and then tried to whip policeman. Please inform us when you wi1l be ready i sc 4sxh<nff tr. 2fs<su r
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19

'' I will love you always" said young man 10 the girl whose hands he clasped. - will love you when you are old.s ~ But will you love me when I'm fat" she said. That's the question:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19

,' No murders today" said reporter on Kentucky newspaper, to the manag- ing editor. What. not single one :" Well, believe that there was a lttle one.' If that's all young man, l don, want you any longer. You are too lazy 10 ge, around.7
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19
LiMNINGS.

Political conversation. Wife. reading newspaper 10 husband-"l see that the state luggler has resigned Husband :. Look further down and see how much he stole.'
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19
PLANTATION pHILosopHy.


 Pleasures deerease as da come near us. De fish l. heap bigger fore yer giss is oufes de water.
 De injurious in dis wori' is sIless de ianeiesl Dc bsandy-bostie is hxed up finer den dc bsesd-sSay.
 Dc maa whsss got de bsss church rscosd sint nscessasiiy de bss' naa. Ds daassss water aint aileu ds frssse from malaria.
 A welI-Sed nigges is d. haSpisss man in ds wosY. If doan make no diG'ence bout eioshss, but gin him soms hog, an Honesty l. sestin' scsrcsr ebesy year Case dar is more people ter psrvide- De more we muIsiplies, de farder from ns- tns' we is, an de furder we giss from natur, de less honesty we'se got.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1883-05-19

When were these eggs boiled .'' asked man of a negro lunch dealer. Dis nawnin', sah.' "Well, then, they're no account. can't eat an egg that hasn't been boiled several days" "Oh, does yer mean when da was fust billed Da was piled fus' las week, an was only billed ober dis mawnin, sah.'
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
Retter FARMING

We say to two-thirds of the farmers of
lowa-knowing what we say, and saying
it with our teeth clmched and our
nerves st Jung, that if you expect to sue
cesstully compete with your more enter
prlslng neighbors, there must be more
thorough system rigidly enforced to in
crease the productiveness of your farms.
Your situation imperatively demands
that you improve your stock by the in
PRODUCTION of better blood. You must
cease scattering the corn in the mud or
the snow to stock sheltered in those
bleak days on the north side of a wire
fence. You must cease the practice
which makes you send your ZEN months
old hogs to market weighing $50 pounds
each when your neighbors' hogs of
the same age weigh 400 pounds. You
must understand your business better so
that you will know what your crops cost,
and what the food is worth which your
hogs and cattle have consumed. The
reason why you are behind your more
prosperous neighbors, is that you have
not yet walked up to your duties or your
possibilities. You have not vet lived TO
know your business. For a quarter of a
century we have been with you in Iowa
farming-have watched your operations
seen wherein you failed-know
whereof we write-and feel the full force
of our words when we say, you must
wake up to full realization of your sit
uation, or drag out your life and that of
your family in proverty and obscurity.
And all we regret is that we cannot
arouse you with our words as with a
forty-horse power galvanic battery.
-Des Moines Register.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
Farmers and Dogs.

If the farmers of the country who own
worthless dogs, says the Breeders Ga
Zette, could be induced to destroy them
and substitute one well-bred shepherd
pup, not more, to each farm. the wealth
Of every farming community would be
vastly increased in many ways. Farm
ers, with a little tact in getting
along with dog, would soon find the
colly saving them many step. Eager
and anxious to learn, willing to do
everything within his power, the young
dog needs only wise and patient re-
straint, an intelligent direction to be-
come the most useful hand on the
place. The colly is an alert and dis
crlminative watchdog answering for
this purpose far better than the heavy,
sleeping, stupid, savage bull or mastitf,
who isdiable to attack his best friend or
eat up a child. AS colly acquires age
and dignity, if he has been we'll taught,
he imagines that the whole business of
the farm hinges upon the performance
OF his duties, and he becomes as pune
tual and regular as the sun. Canine COM
panionship, if at liberty, has a bad eff
feet upon the colly in most instances.
Where an old and wise dog is used to
tu1or youngsters by good example while
at work, it will do to have two or more
together. The duties of the colly are
practical and mean work companion
ship means play and is demoralizlng.
Especially is this true of companionship
with hunting dog. The shepherd dog
has enormous perceptives, and is very
initiative; he quickly goes wild over
game when led by hunting dog, conse-
quently negects and shirks his work,
and is spoiled.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
What Should be Observed in Choos
ing q Farm

First, the lay of the land. Ny choic'
would be to the northeast, for this rea
son: In the spring when the nigh
freezes are frequent, the clay soils will
not thaw as quick, and if the lay runs t.
the south the soil will thaw earlier in the
day and will slush as thin as water anC
when it becomes dry will bake. The
same result follows when laying to the
west.
Second it is desirable to have timber
on the west side of the farm to break the
wind in winter or summer.
Third, the soil should be clay and
gravel mixed, as all kinds Of crops do bet
ter in wet or dry summers.
Fourth, living water clos1 to the build
ing.
Fifth, building close to the public high
ways, it will sell more readily.
sixth, do not mind wet or mucky
places if they Can be drained at a small
expense.
Seventh, buying a run down farm with
slender purse is poor business, always
look to its condition. If it has been run
hard and cash can be paid down with nc
payments to make up. then the purchaser
has chance of coming out all right
When purchasing a farm do not forget
to mention in your articles of agreement
the manure pile or strawstack. Also
find out what sort Of neighbors you will
come i'm contact with. 1t is also wise to
take note of the political complexion O!
the township and determine whether
yOn would be likely to harmonize. This
is imperative if you aspire to the honor
ALE Office of a superv sor, or more
William Trump,-Sharon Center, Medina
Co., Ohio.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
a Chinanan's Moral Ledger.

The idea of posting ones good and ba6
deeds in a ledger SO as TO be able TO
strike balance now and again with
view to determining one's chances in
the next world, is one that would be
hardly likely TO occur to any one but a
Chinese. In the last numuoT of the Chi
nese Recorder, Mr., Scarborough, the
author of the interesting work on "Chi-
nese Proverbs" gives us an extract from
the running account kept with the gods
by one Li-Chun TsunG, which we may
safely say is unique in the annals of
bookkeeping o. the debit side we find
the entries: "For being at val iaace
with my brothers through listening to
my wite's talk, LOCO; for undutiful
treatment of my wife's parents, 100, for
smoking opium ten times, TO-" The
numbers indicate, OF course, so many
n!ack marks. Per contra, we find on
the credit side of the account, For
burying poor friend at my expense,
1000; for earthly nursing my sick moth
er, 80; for making my vile join me in
meritorious works, 100," We in Europe
will be of the opinion that ifnursing his
own mother is only worth thirty good
marks, losing his temper with his moth
er-in-law is decidedly dear at hundred
bad ones,-St. James's Gazette,
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
A Good word for Ensila~e.

Professor Johnson of the Michigan
Agricultural college, says this good word
for ensilage, after practically testing it.:
Il was not at all sanguine when we be-
ganthe experiment as to the decided mer-
its of ensilage, as claimed by many
writer's, but have been much pleased
with the result of the feeding. The con
venence of handling the prepared fod.
der; the large amount that can be stored
in a small place; the avidity with which
cattle eat it, and thrive and grow when
a meal ration is fed with it, the fact that
it can be stored in wet time, during
lowery weather, when fodder could not
be cured; the furnishing of succulent
food for the stock during our long win
tiers, at small cost-these are some of
the reasons that lead me to think the
ensilaging of corn especially will prove
to be practical and profitable method
of preparing food for stock. l think it
may take the place of roots, and be a
cheap substitute for them. | am dis
posed to believe that best results will be
secured by feeding one daily ration of
dry fodder IN connection with ensilage
The experiment shows that it is not q
complete food ration. A meal ration
adapted to the animal for the desired
result must be fed with it, The last
winter was exceptionally favorable for
the feeding of fodder Of this character
on account of its extreme mildness, the
mean temperature being about twenty
four degrees during the time embraced
in the feeding. With severe weather
the results might be less favorable.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
Cutting CiOnS.

A gentleman thoroughly educated and
intelligent, many years ago was very de-
sirous to graft over some varieties of
pear trees, and wished Mr.. c. NJ. Hovey
TO tell him if it would do to cut the cions
in winter, as one of his neighbors told
him it would; but doubling his authority
he wished Mr.. Hovey with his long ex-
perience toinform him. Mr.. Hoyey said
his neighbor was correct. Why" said
he Il always supposed the sap went
down into the roots in winter and the
clons would be worthless" Mr.. Hovey
asked him how he knew that there were
any holes in the roots where the sap
could go. He seemed puzzled and re-
piled, why, | never thought of that"
Mr.. Hovey then said," My dear sir, you
can cut cions at any time of the year
from the fall of the leaves until the
trees begin to swell their buds, throw
them on the ground and let them lie
there all winter. or, if you please, in a
cool place in damp moss till the next
year, twelve to fifteen months after they
are cut, and though rot quite SO good if
kept the latter period, they will grow"
The above is part of long article in
the Mass. Ploughman.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
For Whom Delaware was Named.

In recognition of the courteous recep-
ton of L. H. Sackville West, the British
Minister at Washington, in Philadelphia
when on the way to the capital to assume
his office in November, 1881, the city
was on Wednesday formally presented
with portrait OF Mr.. Vests ancest or
Thomas West, third Lord De Ia War;,
after whom the Delaware River was
named. While in Independence Hall
Mr.. West saw small portrait of Lord
De la War; hanging on the wall, and SO
wrote to his family in Elglan:, stating
at the time that it was not faithful pic
ture. The Countess of Derby, Mr..
Vests sister, ordered the family portrait
of Thomas West, which had been painted
by billiard, of London, and which is
now in the possession of the present
Earl De la War;. to be copied by Mar
garet Thompson, of London, and joining
with her s ster, the Duchess of Bedford,
and her brother, sent il to Mr.. West to
DE presented 10 the city of Philadelphia
as token of their appreciation of the
cordial manner in which the minister
had been treated by its citizen The
portrait IS life-slze, handsomely framed.
ana bears in the upper corner the motto
OF the De la Wars, Jour de ma vie."
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
High Prices for Foreign Stock.

It has been asked says "Stockman''
in the Rural New Yorker, "What sort
of animals are Shropshire sheep, of
which one single ram is rented for a
season for stock purposes for the sum
of S620?" There is nothing wonderful
about this. Breeders in England pay
extraordinary prices for stock animals
because Americans who have more
money than they know what to do with
pay such extraordinary prices to them
for the produce of those animals. When
Americans go about bidding unheard-of
prices for foreign stock we can believe
one of two things: either they don't pay
any such prices, or get an enormous dis
count on the sly, or it is done wholly for
effect so as to sell them here at still
larger prices by virtue of the boom they
themselves get up. But as for the ram,
$500 is a very small price for the use of
a ram; many years ago Mr.. Blackwell
was paid $500 guineas-$32, 550-for
the use of one of his Leicester rams, and
Jonas Webb received $4,000 for the use
of one of his Southern Downs.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1883-02-07
PATENTS PE T4Hxa
PACIFIC nORTHVBST!
Oregon, WaShllgt0l&l idaho

Offers the best field for Emigrants-yiZ.: a
mild, equitable, and healthy climate; cheap
lands eff great fertility, producing all varieties
of Grain, Fruit, and Grasses, in wonderful
abundance; an inexhaustiDIe supply of Tim
Der; vast Coal Fields, and other mineral de-
poSits; cheap and quick transportation By
railroads and river navigation; direct COM
merce with all parts of the world, owing to
its proximity to the Pacific Ocean.
No DROUTHS, NO INSECT PESTS, NO
HURRICANES, YVHIRLWISDS, or OTHER
DESTRUCTIVE PHENOMENA.
The Lands of the Pacific Northwest show
an average yield of wheat per acre largely in
excess of that of any other section of the
United States.
No failure of crops has ever occurred.
Oregon Wheat commands a higher price
than that of any other country in the Liver
pool market.
An immense area of very fertile Railroad
and Government Lands, within easy reach Of
the trunk lines of the Northern Pacific Il. r.,
the oregon Railway s. Navigation, and the
Oregon & California Il. Il. Co.'S and their
numerous branches in the great Valleys of
the Columbia and its tributaries, are now
terms. or open to presumption and Home
stead Entry.
The great movement of population to the
Columbia region now in progress viii be
the Northern Pacific L. K. and the Oregon
Railway & Navigation Co.'S systems. his
renders certain a rapid increase in the value
of Lands now open to purchase or to entry
under the United States Land Laws.
For Pamphlets and Maps descriptive OF the
country, its resources, climate, routes of
travel, rates and full information, address
T. GTNKEG