Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-04-27
Wit AMI HUM0R.

n ulHll l. lpl tINIlpIF7t SAIi!l'IN ~
cause he hold. an office, but thu
chances are against him.
1t i, thu, father Of twins who knows
what it is to he up all night with the
boys.
Diamonds should not he washed III
-oap and water. Country editors
please take notice.
If the .Iapal,.,r Prince is fond OF
variety the number of ways his ndnI'
is spelled ought t. satiate him.
\ Western editor tells what he
would do if be were a iackas,. lie
probably follow Mrs. Langtry about
tie man who Will borrow money
and never pay it back would steal II
be were not a coward.
II it is true that every man has his
price it is equally true that every
man does not get II.
When writer mas ideas for which
there is no English he may be excused
for using foreign language.
The fat patient who was advised by
his physician to try a light diet ate
enough pop corn to float balloon.
Throwing red pepper down the reg
lister of church will force the wicked
est congregation to its sneeze.
An exchange asks: " viii the com
ing woman work." She will If she
marries lazy husband.
Money is called the great circulat
ing medium because men have tO
circulate lively to get medium
amount of it.
4 Southern paper says that ii
Henry BerEh really looks like his
picture it is cruelty to animals topper
nit him to live.
England fixes the salary of an TX
lie at 5000 Even a newspaper man
would be willing to be ostracised for
that amount.
4 new book is entitled How to
Wash a Baby" 1t omits the usual
precaution peculiar to recipes,
First catch your baby"
4 man who can condense a column
into five line paragraph needn't
feel tickled over it. Any fool can
utter IA grnnt in reply to an inquiry a
rod long.
4 dispatch says the City Of Wash
ington is full of congressman and
thieves. Why this redundancy of
expression
England is hereby notified that she
needn't export any more scandals to
this country We've got enough of
our own.
Are you going to shave me as you
did Yesterday" asked Il man who
had taken IA place i'll local barber :
chair. :" Yes replied the barber.
Then give me chloroform." was the
victims request.
1t is against the law to have fun
with boy in New Jersey. 4 black
smith asked little chap to pick up
a hot horseshoe for him, and the lad'e
blister felt great deal cooler when
the jury gave him 5000 damages.
Speaking of Joseph Cooks posi-
tiveness regarding Christian theology
the Hartford Courdm recalls that
st Paul knew in part and prophc
sled i'll part, but then-he didn't live
in Boston"
Over l40,000 plants are known t.
botanists and yet ont of the lot the
doctors can't make mixture that
will undo i'll ten minutes the work a
hornet has done in two seconds
Does man amount to much
The honest tradrsman knows how
to make customer happy. All that
is necessary is t. charge him 20 PEI
cent more than market price. and
whisper i'll his ear, But I'll let YOU
have it for 10 per cent of. -
Professor William &. Summer OF
Yale College lecturcd i'll Brooklyn re-
Gently upon The Forgotten Men.
The name of TX President Hayes. the
New York Commercial observes
strange To say, WIS not even lncn
toned.
General Sherman says he dopsn't
want :" -four years OF he'll, and there
fore he will not be candidate fol
President. The country doesn't want
four years of hell" either, remarks
the st. Louis Giobc Democrat. an
therefore it will not elect General
Sherman to the Presidency.
y is alludinS to an acquaintance in
terms the very reverse of com
plmentary. "Curious to hear YOU
saying that of him. remarks Il
friend; Il thought You were
under obligations to him" Who
L? Oh, no: not at all. You
See, he lent me some money once. but
the next time | wanted to borrow of
him he refused, merely because
hadn't returned the first. and ST. that
made it even"
The prince of science, having cast
his eye over the table to see that none
of the Instruments are missing or
misplaced, Is about to amputatc his
patients leg.
The patient bursts ont into lamcnta
tiOnS.
Come. come, lay good fellow"
says the surgeon, encouragingly,
don't take on SO. Try and fix your
mind on something else"
A little girl. some three or four
years old. had been corrected by her
mother somewhat severely. In the
same family was another little girl of
three and a half years. staying tenn
poralJly, whose mother was not living.
rs soon as the two were alone, this
latter one expressed her sympathy
for the cul prit as follows: Use sorry
for 90. My mother is in heaven.
Don't y"u wish yours was
fc"pl" must remember that all at
t"inpto t" reduce corpulence after it
Is once acquired are attended with
more or less danger. The only safe
remedy for males or females having