Milford chronicle., 1883-06-22
WIT AND WISDOM.

| must De IN uuue
''ANYr1uE" is the name of Kentucky
post office. Wouldn't be a bad amefor
a telegraph messenger boy.
The Supreme Court of Kentucky has
decided that wife may recover money
lost by her husband at gambling. HIM
Better let her begin before he has made
any loss.
THE song 81 am weary tonight, love,
without thee, was composed by man
whose wife had left him to take care OF
the children while she went to the thea
tire with one Of the neighbors.
A POCKET GUIDE" for instruction in
the art of swimming has been published
in New York. When you fall overheard
and don't know how to swim, all you
have to do is to tread water and read
your guide.
'WH did you run away from your
wife?" because she poisoned nay
very existence. "Then, how did you
come to take a second wife, if the first
one poisoned your existence? p IL
/ took her as an antidoto."
"BLmvE I'll try to mend some of my
bad habits, said Jones in fit of pen
itence. Il wouldn't, dear, replied his
superior fraction, sweetly, ''your bad
habits are certainly in an excellent state
of repair.
In olden times a Roman Senator used
to shut himself up for three days after
eating onions. The great man OF to-
day walks right ont of the house and
begins to argue with the first man he
meets.
CIT must have been slippery weather
when the prodigal son returned. The
Harlem man asked, "Why, in your opin-
ion was it slippery?" "Because, returned
the small boy, ''the old man fell on his
neck.
The Apache Indian, it is said, can
march from thirty to forty miles day
without becoming tired. 1t is really a
pity that the Apache cannot be civilized,
for he would be just the fellow toaccom-
pany his wife on a shopping excursion.
GENERAL SHERMAN is said to claim
that he has kissed 80 per cent. Of all
the pretty girls in the country. Few
men have had the luck to get wife like
Mrs. Sherman, who will stand that sort
of thing. ~ Boston Post.
"PA, dear, we are going to Saratoga
this summer, are we not? The Nc
Glory's are going. Saratoga Huh
If business don't pick up we shall go
into bankruptcy. That won't be much
of n summer resort.
IT may be a mighty big source for con-
ISOLATION when po' man sets down and
says: cts all right, fur de rich man
can't git ter Heaben; but glib de po'
man a chance, an see how quick he'd
stan in de rich mans shoes"
You can't convince the man who mad
ly rings the church bell half an hour after
every man, woman and child in the vii
lage has arrived at fhe the scene of the
conhagration that he didn't take the
principal part in extinguishing the fire.
Boston Post
THE Marshall (Texas) Herald, refer
ring to the trouble the flies give the
bald. headed, says: 'We saw an account
of man similarly situated who secured
immunity from the flies by painting
large spider in the centre of the bold
space.
CONE, come Let us have peace I"
said mild-mannered spectator to the
man who was on top in the fight, and
who was humping his opponent vigor-
ously. "That's what I say, was the re-
sponse, "and I mean to have peace if L
have to kill him to get it..
Now, Edith, said her mother, ''you
are going to be good girl to-day and
act like a little lady, aren'tyou?' Eyes,
replied Edith; adding after a
few moments, silent cogitation, what
makes 90 say little lady, mamma? Is
it cause big ladies act so awful 9"-,.
Boston Transcript
"WHo is that man?' "Oh, he is one
Of the most prominent Irish-Americans.
''Who is that other one?' "He is
German-American. And
.hat one?" "a well-lnown French-Amer-
can. 'And that one over there with a
bundle under his arm?" ooh, he's no.
Bodybuilding but an Ameriean-Amer-
can =
THE New Yorl Legislature is going to
make Legislative sloons, and all others
who have been travelling free on rail-
,oads. walk a chsl cline. A law has been
passed forbidding the issuing Of free
passes to amy but railroad employees
md officers. The new law viii give
boom to the boot and shoe trade
reras Strings
A PACKAGE containing two drafts, one
or 81 600, another for s., 900, and five
Iollar gold piece, belonging to a lady in
3eanregrd, Miss, was found ll0 miles
rom that place, having been blown
here by cyclone. 1t takes o cyclone
% raise the wind and you viii always
ind more or less breeze where there IS
draft NoyristoUn Herald
PArrRNAb Pride: eJust think, my
Iear friend, your unworthy son came to
ae Yesterday. and offered ma a reduction
+ 3 per cent. il I would take my patron
no. from YOU and give it to him. "