The Osceola times., 1883-08-18

chitecture came tearing down the avenue
a few days since like whole crowd get
ting out of a circus.
Hold on!" shouted one of party of
business men congregated on corner,
didn't you know there was law in this
town against fast driving on the boule-
vard?"
"No," pulled the man slowing himself
up and evidently trying to hold himself
together, "and Pm dummed If | believe
there's law for anything about the whole
cusscd locality"
"What's the matter with your" pursu-
ed the questioner, "becn fred out of a
saloon?"
"Not much. don't hang around sa-
looms like a GUNNER from away up the
creek"
"Been shot ont of a hotel for trying to
mash the chambermaid, eh?"
"No, you are of, stranger. Not much.
No, not very much. Pm married, am
married for good dan | don't spark
around nothing nor nobody at hum or
abroad. Sly, do look bad"
pretty bad, for fact. Was you chas-
ed by wild unfettered jmplicute of the
prairie, bit by a scorpion or squeezed
through one ofthe sewer pipes?"
"Do you notice a kind of a uuiyerinc
in that arm?"
"Shakes like leaf"
"Does my eyelids work like vibrator
thieshing machine?"
"Worse; they twitch like poisoned
coyote"
"Am ! blue, or black, or creain-tinted,
sorrel or plain bay with white strip in
my face?'
"Well rather brindly Completed, I
should say"
"How's my hair?"
Looks like buffalo robe struck with
lightning
"Do you think eff was to hang a cat.
fish sinker ON the end of my nose it
could be drawn down again and shifted
back into posish?"
perhaps so but what's been the row? |
Where was the rumpus? We didn't hear
any disturbance when the house fell on
you"
'No, the house didn't fall in: but | |
thought she war about to cave right in |
or lift right up an sail every second. |
There wasn't any fuss about il though |
Twas all done quicker'n Jerk ofa lambs |
tail and then l started right away and |
beat my previous record clean here. |
Gentlemen twas the goldarnest thing |
ever struck in my life. You see I'm a
stranger in these parts and my tastes are |
quiet like, and like to go round after
knowledge wherever | are. I heard |
there was museum of anatomy and hy-
giene in your town an l concluded to |
take her in. i asked man where twas |
and he showed me three-story brick. /
and went right up to the top an
young feller then asked me intoa room
where there was lot of skeletons and |
other young fellers, and commenced to |
improve my mind. Pretty soon one of |
the fellers asked me eff didn't wanter |
study the wonders of the telephone; an
he said iuss take hold of couple of |
handles which had wires on 'em an | |
did. Gentlemen, I've read Scripture |
about the heavens and the earth passing |
away like scroll saw, and the fiery |
furnace heated seven times hotter than |
they ever had het her before, but dog
my skin, those things couldn't have been
circumstance to my sufierin' for a min
nit. IL did seem as though | was a
going 10 shed my flesh right on the
floor like the otheronery skeletons hang
ing on pegs, and then they give the tele-
phone another twist, an than she began
to blister. Jerusalumalum Then she
let up all Of a suddint, and came right
down stairs, what there is left of me,
without paying cent Talk about law
in this town. | don't believe there's law
enough in the State TO git me even with
them anatomy and hygiene fellers. I'll |
jist 20 up an buy out drug store and
bathe nv fractures