Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-06-06
PLEASANTRIES.
Journal.

IN order to "shoot !" his winter hat.
A POLISH novelist boasts of having
written $50 stories. No wonder Freedom
shrieked. -Er.
WORCESTER, Mass, delights in dough-
nut-eating contests. This is the only
way she can take the cake.
A FIvE-ToN land roller passed over an
Indiana man withoutseriousresults. He'd
been married thirty years.
The Chicago Herald is of the opinion
that Jay Gould will, IN all probability,
sail his new yacht in some of his watered
stock.
The telegraph companies do not OBJ
lect to pay "pole tax" as it enables
them to do their "wire pulling " to ad-
vantage.
HENS may be a little backward on
eggs, but they never fail to come to the
scratch where fowerbeds are concerned.
N. O. Pic.
&c WISH" said gentleman at Joseph
Cooks lecture, "that had time to stay
through another word, but must Cos
Boston Post.
The new postal telegraph can send
1000 words minute. It Is the only
system yet devised which can outtalk a
voluble woman.
1T is too early to say what style para
sol will be fashionable; but, as usual,
they will be worn just high enough to
rake out mans eye.
OSCAR WILDE loves applejack because
it's odOr is indescribable and its effect
too utterly bewildering to utter, so to
speak, IN measure as itwere, you know.
Ed.
A CHICAGO man has composed piece
called "Full of Joy Gallop." The pic
ture on the cover represents man dane
ing with another mans wife.-NeaU York
! World.
FIVE young ladies of Denver, Col,
ride the bicycle imam fashion," clad in
black velvet -breeches, wooden high
stockings, polo cap, and sack coat,
with low-cut bicycle shoes.
IT is stated that the marriage of Mr..
Herndon Morsell to Miss Lizzie Burton
will take place at the close of the operate
season. They are both members of the
Boston Ideal Opera Company.
A PHILADELPHIA dude is reported to
have died of congestion of the brain,
caused by excessive exertion. His
mother was sick one morning, and he
had to button his shoes himself.
WAssoN, the defaulting paymaster,
did not drink or gamble, nor horse race,
and the only excuse his friends can urge
is that he must have lost the money by
investing In some evening newspaper.
A FLORIDA teacher in colored Sun
| day school asked her class why a man
| VIC 70 hor 4 41o
same time. A little ecru youth replied:
4" Case man can't serve two masters"
The following advertisement appears
in Riverina (New South Wales) jour
nal: Wanted-A cultured gentleman
capable OF milking goats; a university
man preferred. Applications with testi
monials as to proficiency to be addressed
| etc.
A soDA-wATER fountain exploded in
Syracuse and severely injured several
persons. The impecunious young man
should cut oun this item and show it to
his best girl when she expresses a wish
to sip the fzz which foams but not in
! toxicates.
" MY dear fellow" remarks the Judge
to the plaintiff, who had lost his action
before him that afternoon; ''yOu had a
mighty good case, but what made you
employ such an ass of lawyer % I" Be-
cause had been told he had the ear of
the courtp'
JUDGE BARNUM says he asked news
boy once if he knew the way to the
Sherman House. The urchin stopped
and looked at him in wonder, and then
answered: ''JeWhilikins! don't [ wish
he'd as menny dollars as know the way
to the Sherman. "-Chicago NelUs.
THERE are forty-two different shades
in kid gloves this spring. This number
might be increased by initiating the
shade of disappointment that passes
over lady's face when she sees some
other woman with prettier pair than
her own.-DGqaSU6LLe Advertiser.
ITwas after they had beenchased twenty
miles overa rough, swampy country that
confederate officer observed one of his
men leaning against tree and looking
disconsolate. He rode up to the man
and said, "My boy, what's the matter ?''
"Matter!'' replied the trooper; "Cap'n,
I'm satisfied this war is damn big mis-
take. "-BoS. Post
A LOUISVILLE court he's decided that
If a woman strikes man, he must run
away. Like many other decisions, this
one does not cover the case at all. A
mans mother-in-law, if she once gets a
complete grip on his hair, is pretty GER
tain to keep him from s. running away"
Courier Journal.
A New YORK yacht club refused to re-
ceive Jay Gould as member, and Jay,
to get even, is going to buy up all the
bays and rivers around New York and
move them to Texas. He is bound that
the fellows who blacxballed him shall
not have any water to boat upon.--Ph5l-
adelrohia Chronicle.
The youths of nine and ten years, liv-
ing at the Highlands, who complained
bitterly of the temperature of the
water In which they were compelled to
wash their facesyesterday morning, were
delighted in the afternoon to find that
the ice in the pond back of their house
was melted sufficiently to permit of their
going in swimmiug,-Ros, Post.