The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1883-07-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

have been centurion.'
An amateur poetess anxiously walls:
go. where can l find rest?" Get posi-
ton as saleswoman in store that doesn't
advertise, darling.-N. Y. Commercial
Advertiser.
A New York doctor knows of nus
band who kissed his wife on the ear and
made her deaf. She would not have
been deaf if he had kissed some other
mans wife, and it had come to her ears.
Detroit Free Press.
A correspondent writes from Swiss
town, Il was much amused on looking
over visitors book at the inn to find
that under the heading Occupation,
two German girls had written, Looking
for husband :"
Dr. Julian, a servant, says there Is
not modern building which will be in
existence 1000 years hence. There's
always some old genus rising up to say
something to keep folks awake at night
and make them miserable.
The medicine chest of one of the
abandoned Arctic whalers was broken
open by some Of the natives, who, think
ing they had found a prize, proceeded
to swallow the contents of all the bot
ties. The result.was disastrous.
The Tombstone Epitaph, of Arizona,
tells of dear little boy who, when told
upon the first day at school that the first
letter in the alphabet was called "a,
said to the schoolma m, ''How in lido
you know?'
| will explain that whenever want a
thing. and Mrs. McWilliams wants an
other thing, and we decide upon the
thing that Mrs. McWilliams wants-as
we always do-she calls that a COM
| promise IWain.
The movement in the East to abolish
| the vest has petered out When man
| takes off his coat at Sunday-schooi
picnic to ladle out the ice cream he
wants something between the public and
the knots in his suspenders. Detroit
| Free Press.
A New York man was so enraptured
with lady at fancy ball that he offer
| ed her 800 to unmask. She accepted
| the money, saying, "Now your wife can
| paw the servant girls back wages" 1t
| was his mother-in-law.- PhiiaClel1h
| NeaOS.
Woman who has been looking over
| blankets in Main street store: "Well,
/ didn't mean to buy. Am just look
inc for friend" Clerk, politely:
don't think you'll find your friend
among the blankets. We've looked 'em
all through"
| What trouble there would be if ami
mails could talk. Imagine Spring
chicken in a market house saying to a
| giddy old maid "Oh, you needn't try
| to act so young; / knew you when 1
was first hatched and you were mere
baby then. Philadelphia NeUs.
The poet Howles was in the ahbit of
| daily riding through a country turn
| pike gate, and one day he presented as
| usual his two-pence to the gate-keeper.
| .'What is that for, sir?" he asked. ''For
nv horse, of course" "But, sir, you
have no horse" Dear mel" exclaim-
ed the astonished poet, lam l walk
ingP"
A gentleman. young in years, but well
Z, grown for his age, was asked at store
yesterday if he had any Commissions
on hand. He was unable to CLEAN what
the blushing damsel desired, and, re-
firing, permitted the proprietor daugh-
ter to attend to the customer. She
speedily ascertained that the young lady
wanted a ''bustle, 'and sold her couple.
The Popular Science Monthly has d.
rections How to act in a tornado" but
fails to tell man just how to coDport
himself in case he should hurriedly pass
lady friend about 2. 900 feet in the air,
both on the top wave of cyclone.
Would it be proper to dotf the hat, or
would the cyclone care for that little
courtesy?-HarJord Post.
Little Sam Wrinkler. on visiting q
neighboring family last Sunday, was adj
dressed by the lady of the house. "What
can | do for you my little man?" she
asked. Il donno, said Sam, Mamma
told me not to ask for cake or pie, as /
did last time. and I'm sorter at loss to
know what to ask for, for don't know
what else you've got in your pantry,
anyhow, but | can put up with most
anything that's handy.-Sgeet.
| Old gentleman in beer-garden near
the railroad depot, waiting for his wife
to arrive on the next train, complaining
to himself have already drunk
six glasses of Pilsener, and Cooking at
his watch) the train will not be here fol-
one hour to come. This will compel
me to drink six more glasses. It's ter
rible. What an expensive wife | have
got!'-F2iegende Blaetter.
81 wish 1 had drink" remarked
Mrs. Fogg, ''but don't like to 90 over
there to the fountain, there are so many
men there" you've just as good a
right as they have said Fogg; ''don't
you see the motto, for man and beast?'
Come along" ssOh! it is very well for
you to say come along" replied Mrs.
F., ''but you know I'm not a man. -
Boston transcript
| On Sunday evening Booey arose with
an air of great Importance, and said:
"Bredren, my tex will be found in de
twenty-fort chapter OBJ Matthoo, an de
forty-fort verse" Here he broke down
completely, looked around with an ali
of bewilderment, and then, pointing
eagerly and excitedly to one of his au-
dience, shouted aloud: Here, yoL
George Washington Youngs, you'll Jest
hev ter preach dis evenin'. I've done
gone forgot my text
The latest American" story going
the rounds of the European press is that
OF q traveller of that nationality who
found it necessary to excuse his inabili-
ty to join in the hilarity of other travel
ers because of his poverty. Gentle
men" said he, 81 know 1 am more OF
less of saturated blanket on this party;
but the fact is am very poor man
stepped to the lips, l may say, in inn
pecuniosity. When tell you, in strict
confidence, that this is my wedding
tour, and | have been compelled to leave
my wife at home, you can form an idea
of the narrowest of my resources"
Some years ago a somewhat curious
circumstance took place in Meigle Par
ish Church. The prosecutor, after pro-
claiming the banns of matrimony be-
tween young couple, concluded by say
ing: IF there be any objections they
can now be stated" a fashionable
youth, an old admirer of the intended
bride, noticing the eyes of q portion of