The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1883-05-03
COLONEL GUTRIPPAH.

dices.
Chicago er-Ocean.
Il think, sab, shall attend church
Tomorrow" said Colonel Gutrippah,
from Kentucky, when he met the re-
porter yesterday. "Have you, ah, got q
society Of they Methodist Church South,
sab, in they cussed town."
II don't think that denomination is
represented here" said the reporter,
'Do you often attend church, colonel"
"Not often, sab. Not often of late
yeahs, sab. haven't been inside of a
condemned church since they wah: sab.
Befoh they wah, sab, attended divine
services quite often, sab. Yes, it must
have been as much as twice, sab, when
Colonel Gutrippah saw they condemned
feathahs fly out of the pulpit cushion,
sab. They first time, sab, was when I
was christened. sab, and the second time
was when 1 got married, sah."
"What!" replied the reporter in great
surpri.e. sis that the extent of your
church going?"
''That's all, sab. We all don't care
way, sah,"
''Then you like the Methodist Church
South the best, do you, Colonel"
Eyes eah; l always had a condemned
admiration fob it, since the time Sher-
man bomtarded Atlanta. Do you all
remembah they timer"
"Well. sab, Sherman give Duh people
notice, sab. I'll say that much fob Sher.
man. It was a Sunday mohin', sab,
when they first cussed shells was heaved
ovah they fence. Brothah Sanford was
a Methodist preachah, sab, and he was
a obstinate man, sab He said he was
going to preach, sab, if they cussed
Yanks flung all the old IRON in America
into Atlanta, sab. So this mohnin' when
tell you about, sab, he rung they bell,
and about dozen people came to
church. Brothah Sanford began some-
thing like this, sab: "My deah breth-
rem, pears like we's going to have ter
r.ble hahd showah-hahdest kind of a
showah-iron drops, each one of 'em as
der the cussed circumstances IS it your
pleasuah that the services should pro-
ceed."
lone old lady in a back pew took off
her bonnet and said. "Amen; 90 on,
Brothah Sanford. Well stay by we till
yoh all hath falls out"
''That kind of encouraged ~Brothah
Sanford, and he said, II will make my
sermon brief, brethren and sisters. I
shall divide it into nineteen heads, and
to certain extent elaborate upon each
one, concluding with general summing
up Of they whole subject and the unfor-
tunate relations Of we all with they Yam
kee government. Firstly. But Brothah
Sanford sort of hesitated at firstly, fob
they came a continuous sound from they
trenches. Boom-bz-z-z z-z-z-bang! !!
''And every cussed light of g lass in they
church broke out. They was one yelp
from the wimmen when fob of 'em went
abreast onten they window and he see q
cloud of dust, but that soon settled.
They was nobody in they church but
Brothah Sanford.
oom-bizzirziziriz- A sew
enty-foh pound shell exploded in they
public squah with fohce enough to
make they steeple rock, sab. Brothah
Sanford said afterwards that he did feel
little empty about the stummick; but
a sense of eussed duty, sab, kept him at
his post. He said:
I'm spite of they interruption they
sermon will proceed"
And he went ahead, sab. They peo-
pie living neah they church could heah
bis voice, sab, at intervals, until he had
finished firstly But just as he began
on secondly a whooping big shell about
the size of a soap-bilin' kittle, sab, took
away they steeple. Brothah Sanford's
sense of duty didn't hold out aftah that,
h. He said:
Sowing to the length of my mohnin
discourse, and certain circumstances to
which it is unnecessary to allude at pres
ent, shall discontinue at this point
and take up they thread of my argu-
ment at they evenin services-provldin
theyse going to be held, and by the look
of things now, cuss me if think they'll
be enough left Of they church to pah
boil condemned possum.'
$50 Brothah Sanford put on his hat
sab and walked toward his bomb proof
in his front yard, whah his family was
already established. He was cooler, sab,
than spring watah. On they road he
met Deacon Haywood running across
they road, sab, like ANTELOPE, and Bro
than Sanford said, in his quiet way:
'Good mohnin, Deacon. l didn't see
you at church this mohnin. Family all
well? What seems to be goin on this
mohnin?'
"Deacon Haywood nevah stopped
runnin.
"Brothah Sanford, sab, Brothah San
ford, sah, was q brave man, sab. He
was raised in Kaintucky, sab. Spill my
Southern blood, but that shows the effect
Of early training. Let us take cup of
Bach Grass"