The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1883-12-20
dude and Pension.

Two dudes were on railroad parlor
ear, riding between two cities, and, as
they sat in the smoking-room languidly
putting at little cigarettes, they con-
versed in the native tongue of the dude,
not noticing a bald-headed man who
was buried in a newspaper. The con-
versation of the dudes turned upon
what business was the most desirable
for person who did not want to do
anything except to eat, and drink and
be clothed, and one remarked that he
had rather own farm and spend the
income from it than anything he knew
of. The other dude, who was face
tious individual with about as much
brain as n canary bird, said, well,
don't you know, / think l had rather
draw pension from the Government.
That is the easiest business, by Jove,
there is going, don't you know The
bald-headed man was mad enough to
have Drained the dude with toy bal
loon, but he held his temper, until the
two dudes began to laugh mt the With
cism, and then he could contain himself
no longer, and, turning TO the two nine
spots who were sitting together i'll II
corner of the smoking apartment, and
standing up before them so they could
not get out, with his face flushed, and
each hair on the side of his head feeling
like a porcupine quill, he said:
And SO you think drawing n pension
Is the easiest business there is going,
do you? Do you realize what you are
talking about? Do you know that the
men who draw pensions have been
through more suffering, privation and
sorrow than you ever dreamed of? Do
you consider it easy to march thousands
of miles on foot over muddy roads, sleep
ing on the frozen ground and living on
hard tack, and fighting between meals
Do you want to draw pension
at the expense OF health? DO YOU
know that the men who draw pensions,
of whom you speak SO tiippantly, have
been burned with Southern feyers I'M
til every bone has ached night and day
for twenty years? Do you know that
some of the men who draw pensions
have had limbs shot oil by cannon, and
had limbs cut of by doctors saws. and
that some of them carry bullets in their
bodies to-day, and that every move
they make is full of pain? Haven't YOU
heard that some Of the pensioners were
starved in rebel prisons until they
would have mortgaged their immortal
souls-which you may net posSess-for
piece of bread 50 dry and dirty that
hog would not eat il unless it was
soaked in water? Did You never read
of some of the pensioners being bayonet-
ed, and carrying sores for fifteen years,
that would not heal? lOu-you poor
imitation of II human being-loOk upon
drawing pension as an easy business.
when it has cost the pensioner the best
part of his life and AL his health.
Would you sleep out on rail fence,
your body dripping wet, contracting
rheumatism at every breath You draw,
and then call drawing II pension nice,
safe, easy businc S? You laugh at Il
remark at the expense of a pcnsioned
soldier, when You are not fit for sol
der to wipe his feet on. Why, con
denim you, | have mind TO throw both
of you through that plateglass win
dow, when | think of the barrels OF
tears that have been shed by wivc,
and mothers and sisters for every dol
lar that was ever paid for pensions,
and the old man began to take off his
coat, when the conductor came in and
wanted to know what the row was On
being told, he ordered the dudes into
the baggage-car. and nc sat down Will
the bald-headed old man, and they
talked about old times, wlcn they were
both III the same reg ment in South
ern swamp and Che two dudes were no
born. -Peck'S SlIIl.