Connecticut western news., 1883-05-02
THE DEAR TAXPAYER,

This spring there was talk that the affairs of certain County Treasurer in Ohio were not exactly right, and com mittee was appointed to examine his books He received the committee in the kindest manner, but instead of plac- ing the books before them, he said :
 "Gentlemen, it is generally supposed that I am short ?" "It is. !"
 sHow much?''
 "About $20,000."
 "And you are bound to investigate ?" "We are."
 ''It will take you six weeks and cost the county $500 to overhaul my books. | won't it? ?''
 "I presume so." "Then for the sake of the overbur- dened and oppressed taxpayers, l will confess that am short 1925, ,675.25 No use wasting the taxpayers money to hunt up my stealings v'- Wal Street l NeaOs.
 GAINING TEN DAYS. | In town up in Maine New York : CT was last fall talking with village merchant in regard to trade, and final ly asked him how he bought goods.
 "Well, in summer get about ninety days and in the winter something like a hundred" was the answer.
 'Isn't that odd time?"
 "Yes, kinder odd, but you see I buy on ninety days, and when time is up
 I write to the firm and tell 'em to in-
 closed find amount so and so. I don't
 inclose yon know, and in about five
 days receive reply stating that I
 probably forgot, and so forth. Then I
 inclose and beg pardon. In the sum-
 mer the reply comes in about five days,
 but in the winter, especially if Provi-
 dence favors us with storms and rail-
 road blockades and freshets and acci-
 dents, gain ten days and get spring ; start. ."-The Boston Courier. NOT QUITE SURE.
 They were talking about pioneer days in Michigan, when man over by the
 stove called out: "Say, Uncle Billy, presume you have heard the scream of panther in , your day?"
 "Well, mebbe, and mebbe not, y replied the old man. "I lived next door . . to your grandfather and when heard ' screams I was never quite sure whether U it was painter over ill the slash or your grandfather and his wife having one O '' their spells, which ended in the neigh ' bors assembling next day to coax the old woman to come down from her tree
 and make up with him.-Detroit Free
 Press.
 e TEMPERED TO THE sHoRN LAMB. "So you dun got burned out or :, Hastings street las night?" queried on' l colored woman of another as they me IS on Monroe avenue yesterday. n "Yes, de house dun burned to d. $ groun'," was the reply. u "An' you losted eberytin'? ?" l. "All 'cept one bedstead, two chairs ol an de bewro."
 d "Shoo! Wall, dar's one consolashul n bout it, Mrs. Beebe, you has saved hui It to begin spring house cleanin' on l'--A le Quad.
 l WHAT KEPT HIM OUTSIDE.
 The Detroit Free Press says: "A co ~ ored man was hanging around one of tn as opera houses the other evening in man rs ner to show that he was deeply intereste
 in what was going on inside, and gen
 teman finally said to him:
 "Why don't you go inp Under tn u, Civil Rights bill you can take seat lt the parquet circle.
 "Yes, sah, know all bout that, sah .e was the reply. Under de Cibil Right Ill bill I ken take any seat in de house, bu 7n under de present strain on my finances Id couldn't buy two shingles if hu H. opera houses war sellin' for ten cent l' apiece, sah ? to HIS GOODIES. a Small Ned was reasonably generou ul with his other goodies, but he coul ot never be induced to part with even er s'bite" of molasses candy. So the SUI ts prise of the family circle may easily b ,e imagined when, after retiring one day va a secluded corner with thick stick ,e his favorite sweet, he suddenly emerge [v and offered to give away large piece n- It had become entangled in one of h1 IF long curls, and pulling and twisting rs only pulled and twisted the curl, and d. last, with tears, partly of pain and partl Id of vexation, in his eyes, Ned fretfuil .k exclaimed: ''Oh dear whoever i'll ge SC this 'lasses candy out of my hair ma
 have it. ."-Harper's Bosar.
 PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
 We never feel so mad arter we she ,,l tears. De cloud ain't nigh so dark arte ,11 de rain falls.
 5s Many oman what won't wash he a chillum at home delights in washi1 oo dishes at church fair. = De worst sort of boastfulness is shove by de man what thinks he can cntertai
 you wid 8 long story. no Oar is many rule what won't wor r's both ways. Whisky will produce hea6 ys ache, but headache won't produe of whisky.
 -, No man should be looked on as 8 fo' on account oh what he doan' belebe bl