South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1883-10-12
The Stolen Custard.

For 5ainties was sick,
So he slyly stole into the kitchen,
Snatched cup from tho pantry
And darte6 out quick.
Unnoticed by mother or Gretchen.
whispered he. There's no cake.
For to. morrow they bake,
But this custard looks rich and delicious,
How they'll scold at the rats,
Or the mice, or the cats,
For of mo don't think they're suspi-
cious.
They might have filed up
Such mean little cupl
And for want of a spoon must drink it :
But it's easy to pour
Hark who's that at the door p
And tho custard went down ere you'd
think il.
With u shrek lie sprang up;
To the floor dashed the cup;
Then he bowled. tumbled, spluttered
and clustered.
Till the horrible din
Brought the whole household in
He had swallowed cupful of mug tard !
'Do you know what you remind me
Of p said tho tall, talkHtive man to the
fussy fat man in crowd.
No; what is it p
Pressed ham, was the response.
'Eumph ! said the fat man that &C
counts for your locking rs though you'd
eat me up
Fred was telling his mother about his
dog Fdo. He laughed fit to kill him
self said Fred. My dear boy inter
ruptcd his mother, 'how can dog
laughp You mean that Fido was bark
ing No. indeed Fred replied quick
ly; 'Fido was laughing with his tail, for
it went wigglety.wigglety.'
Our Office boy thought lie would 60
to school last week, bat he was bounced
Tue first day. The teacher was explain
Ing the fact in natural history that ami
mails always sought their own kind and
10 test the force Of her remarks, said to
oar boy:
Now. Fhlit, if you were ont in the
woods and. should come across snake,
what would you look for next p
a club. Miss and the teacher was
so shocked that she sent him back TO us
at once.-THE DRUMMER.
Too HANDY WITH A PEN.-Ex-
ator Thomas j. Dreamer tells good
story OF the palmy days when the Hon.
Paddy Burns was deputy sheriff. lie
was frequently detailed to take convict
prisoners 10 Sing Sing prison. One day
as he approached tho entrance, mild
hammered prisoner held out pair OF
small white hands chained together
with handouts.
Sheriff. no said, in pitiful accents,
look Mt those hands. They will be no
good in the quarries. I'm here for ten
years. It'll kill me TO 60 into the quar-
ries. You might as well put titled
lady in laundry
'Ah, be aisy now said Paddy. You
talk so much you twisht The eye Of me-
I've a hundred dollar bill in my vest
pocket, and
Whisper, whisper, broke in Paddy
with sudden interest.
It's my last hundred dollars the
prisoner continued in low tone, and
Ne yours If YOU only keep me out Of
the quarries
What can 80 do now ? Paddy in
quircd.
Any light work, was the reply
Can't you get me something easy P
'Well-now-I don't know. Are yo
handy with pb?'
Handy with pen p repeated tbs
captive with sudden energy. Tlcav
ems, man, I'm too handy. That's what
I'm hero for'-N y. SIN.
A Michigan cyclone swept through n
streak Of timber, gathered up several
cords OF wood carried it six miles a
cross prairie and deposited it on tho
premises OF poor widow, who was too
poor TO buy a stick and unable tn car
ry it from the timber. There were at
least ten cords deposited within easy
reach OF her home. Clever cyclone