The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-06-02
OF THE HUMORISTS

Latin is dead language especially
when an inexperienced drug clerk fools with
it.
The Zulu belle may be said to be like the
prophets, because she has not much on er in
her own country.
Josh Billings has this playful application of
see-saw: Il saw blind woodsawyer. While
none ever saw him see, thousands have seen
him saw"
proud of it?" he said "Of course am.
He stopped four days at my house and was
taken with dellrium Jremens. Shows I'm a
good entertainer, doesn't it?'-Boston Post
'Mr Isaacs, can you tole me we're vas the
first diamond?' mo, Mr.. Yawcobs; we're
vas itP" Wy, Noah's son on der ark he vas
a Shem of der fust vater.-Boston CONNER
cial.
First ice-man-Any mean people on your
route? Second ice-man-I should say so;
meanest set | ever run across Why three
out of five families keep scales. -Phlladelphia
News.
The carpenter of the period; "Look here
Prinzenstinger, if We're you. I'd get car
penter to repair that house" "Ya l drinks
so mineself; but who will rebair dose rebairs
ven dot carpenter ish doneT'
'Are your domestic relations agreeable?"
was the question put to an unhappy looking
specimen of humanity '.Oh, nv domestic
my wife's relations that are causing the
trouble"
No lociped pedlars needn't ply at dis
cabin. When I straddle saddle it amt wifi
de speculation OBJ maxim my ole legs do de
canteriu'. Eff ! ebber take fool notion ter
ride an walk at de same time, yer'll see me
harness up bean pole an play circus wifi de
chillun.-Texas Siftings.
Father to his little son, who had just
handed him the teachers report of progress
and conduct for the last month: This re-
port is very unsatisfactory; I'm not at all
pleased with it," Little son: 81 told the
teacher that thought you wouldn't be- but
he wouldn't change it."-Cleveland Herald
Things one would rather not have said:
Mrs. A.-Come and lunch with us tomorrow;
you will be interested in the schoolmaster's
bride. Mrs. Bob, yes; how do you like
her? Mrs Avery well, only she's a little
unused to the ways of society. l shouldn't
ask her to meet nice people.-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
Mrs. Jones, head of the house. filling out
census returns-"The impotence of such q
question: Mr.. Jones, listen to this. This
paper says: State the number of idiots IN
the family if any," Mr.. Jones, nursing
baby-"Mark down one in the idiot col
umn, my dear" Mrs. J.-"What do you
erately marry you, Mrs. Jones?" Mrs. J.
Yes" Mr.. J.-"Well."-Texas Siftings.
There is something about your daughter"
Mr. Wanghop said rrAectivelyi ''there's
something about your daughter" Yes"
said old Mr. Thistlepod. there is; had no.
ticed it myself. 1t comes every night at
o'clock, and it doesn't get away usually till
about IL o'clock. And some of these even
ings am going to lift it all the way from
the front parlor to the side gate and see what
there is in it,"
The newly-made husband is a man who
has not led gay life for several years with
out learning good deal, and, as a matter of
course, he is a most rigid censor of his wifes
visiting list.
why is it that never see your wife with
her old schoolmate, Nine. X.?" asks an ac-
quaintance.
Because you won't. either" Is the fervent
If ungrammatical reply.
"But why not? Mime. X. is model wo-
man."
YES, for sculptor''