New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1883-08-29
ANATOMY and Hygiene.

A tall, angular specimen OF poor hui
manity, built in the Queen Anne style
of architecture, came tearing down the
Avenue few days since like whole
crowd getting out of q circus.
s'Hold on!' shouted one of the party
of business men congregated on a cor
her, .'didn't you know there is law in
this town against fast driving on the
boulevard?'
NO. pulled the man, slowing him.
self up, and evidently trying to hold
himself together, ''and I'm dummcd if I
believe there's a law for anything about
the whole cussed locality
"What's the matter with you?" pur-
sued the questioner, sheen fired out of a
saloon?''
''Not much. 1 don't hang around
saloons like hummer from away up
the CREEK
''Been shot out of q hotel for trying to
mash the chambermaid, eh?''
mo, you are off, stranger. Not
much. No. not very much. I'm mar
ried, I am-married for good-an' I
don't spark around nothing nor no.
body, at hum or railroad Say, do look
badp''
''Prctty bad, for fact. Was you
chased by wild, unfettered jimplicute
of the prairie, or bit by a scorpion, or
squeezed through one of the sewer
pipes?''
"Do You notice kind of quivering
in that arm?"
''Shakes like leaf"
''Do my eyelids work like vibrator
threshing machine?'
"Worse; they twitch like poisoned
coyote"
cam blue, or black, or cream-tint-
ed, sorrel, or plain bay with white
strip in my face?"
''Well, rather brindly complicated, l
should say
FLOWS my hair?'
':Looks like a buffalo robe struck by
lightning.'
.:Do YOU think eff 1 was to hang cat
fish sinker on the end of my nose it
could be drawed down again and shifted
back into posish?''
"Perhaps so, but whats been the row?
Where was the rumpus? We didn't
hear any disturbance when the house
fell in on YOU"
mo, the house didn't fall in; but
thought she war about to cave right in,
or lift right up an sail every second.
There want no fuss about it, though.
Twas all done quicker'n Il jerk of q
lambs tail, and then | started right
away and beat my previous record clean
here. Gentlemen, twas the goldarnest
thing ever struck in my life You see,
I'm a stranger in these parts, and my
tastes are quiet like, and I like to pick
,+, s%, + s,,eo Il
around after knowledge wherever am.
l heard there was y museum of anato-
my and hygiene in your town, and 1
concluded to take her in. asked man
where twas, and he showed me three
story brick, and went right up to the
top, an q young Teller then asked me
into q room where there was a lot of
skeletons and other young fellers, and I
commenced to improve my mind. Pref
ty soon one of the fellcrs asked me eff I
didn't want'er study the wonders of the
telephone, an / said I did that; an he
said juss to take holt of a couple of
handles which had wires on 'em an I
did. Gentlemen, I've read in Scripter
about the heavens and the earth passing
away like a scroll saw, and the fiery
furnace heated seven times hotter than
they ever had het her before, but dog
my skin, these things couldn't have
been a circumstance to my sufferin' for
q minnit. 1t did seem as though was
a going to shed my flesh right on to the
floor like the other onery skeletons
hanging on pegs, and then they give
the telephone another twist, and then
she began to blister. Jerusalumalum!
Then she let up all of 4 suddint, and l
came right down stairs, what there is
left of me, without paying cent. Talk
about law in this town! I don't believe
there's law enough in the State to git
me even with them anatomy and hy-
giene fellers. I'll jist 60 up an buy out
4 drugstore and battle my fractures"
-IeGas Siftings.