The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1883-06-21

his rival a ''Wart. mat Is q sort OF a |
lcft-handed compliment, which means |
that his contemporary is rising, and will
soon become prominent.
"Can you tell me-" asked Twistem,
'the difference between my cook, this
morning, and passenger on new
railroadP Ono was bakin' shad, and tho
other was shaken bad
"See here, SIR" said the leader of tho
minuet to the orchestra director, "do you
think we are on tho way to the funeral
of rich relativeP Because If you do,
you are much mistaken. We are dane
ing the minuet. Play slower"
An East End gentleman takes no in
terest whatever in the prevailing Dog
Show. He says he has one of his own
ut home His wife has temper, and
he and the children rarely pass g day
without m exhibition of MAS 'tiffs. "
1t cives a New York man an awful
start to suddenly observe 8 clipping
from o Chinese newspaper which has
been left lying on his table by some mis-
chiovous friend. His first thought, of
course, is that it is n wash bill.
An exchange heads an article of
crime rs follows: "a successful burglar
and his subsequent capturo!' We sup
pose that is the reason that thero arc SO
many unsuccessful burglars in this
country when they are not captured.
! A Williamsport man went to bed the
other night with eyesight as good as any
man. Whom he awoke he could not see
tho least thing in the world. Come to
| think of it, however, 1t would take @
microscope to do that.
The attention of Henry Bergh is called
20 the fact that an Ohio marshal has is
sued an order proclaiming that all ami
mails found running at large will be
"pounded. Now is tho time TO get up
| clubs.
| 4 rural exchange says: ''NoyesWhite
ls the proud and happy owner of a
handsome, well-formed calf, weighing
10 pounds" Noyos will have to have
his stockings made to order, or else send
for some OF David Davis cast-otTs.
3. lives in the country near Paris,
winter and summer, but always after
the 1st of May they meet him on the
boulevard. He explains: '.The country
Is too crowded. Everybody is there on
Sunday; SO come to get the air of
Paris.
An ingenious music compositor who
mad n piece OF his work knocked into pi,
squared it up. took off few impress
sions, cut them into strips and collected
S17.42 from neighbors who accepted
them as the regular weekly Chinese
wash bill.
"Goin' furT' the inquisitive traveller
asked the man on the wood-box. 'Well,
yes," he replied, II reckon it's fur. ;
I'm going to Buffalo," And being thus
pelted with this answer, the inquisitivo
man looked as though he wanted to hide
somewhere. But this is furrin' to tho
subject.
Mrs. Carlyle's diary shows that when
the Princess Of Wales was engaged to the
future King OF England she was poor
but graceful girl who always wore long
cloaks. Once when she visited Windsor
the Queen said: ~ think you always
wear Jacket; how is thatp' "Oh,"
; said little Alexandria, 81 woar it because
. it is 30 economical You can wear it
with any sort of gown, and you know L
, have always had to make my own
J gowns. Ihave nevor had a LADY, maid,
: and my sister and | make our own
clothes; | even make my own bonnet. "
The sheriff of Athens county, Ga, who
, was visiting recently in the country, got
up during the night to shoot an owl that
, annoyed him by its hooting near his
. window. The dogs were not used to
such sights as tho sheriff presented in
his night clothes, and made p raid on
him and compelled him to climb tree
Fearing to raise tho house, least tho wo-
men should come out to investigate the
Grouble, no remained shivcring in the
/ crotch of the tree until tho man got up
in the morning and fetched him his
trousers.
Missionary work in West Virginia
''Is your husband st home?" mo; he
is coon hunting. He killed two whop-
ping big 'coons last Sunday Does he
fear the Lord?" Il guess he does,
cause he always takes his gun with
nim." Have you any Presbyterians
round here?" Il don know if he has
killed any or not. You can go behind
the house and look at the pile of hides
60 see if you can find any of their skins. ~
81 SEQ that you are living in the dark. -
"Yes, but my husband is going to cut a
winder soon.'
At populous manufacturing town
Chere was an inhabitant who held good
position as fish-monger, and being
partial to theatricals, was worry kind, and
gave great assistance to tho nanager
5f the Theater Royal. Being anxious to
make his debut, it was at last arranged
that he should play Polonius for the
managers benefit, that gentleman him
self playing Hamlet Tho house was
crammed, and the play proceeded until
it came to the lines: ''Do you know ne,
my lord?" Excellent we'll! you are q
fish-monger!" when the maternal pa
ront of Polonius (being in front, and
thinking the line was personal insult
to her sony, rose and said: well, sir,
if he bo fish-mongor, he has been very
kind to you, and you We no right to ex-
pose him in public. ''-G!0sgoV Evessirsg
Times.
A dude went into q Now York pho
tographer's, the other day, to get his
peared in parti-colored garments OF
artist ''posed' him, and, glancing down
to his feet, exclaimed, ''Bless my soul!
do you want me to take these patent
, leather bottinesP" "Ohr' said the dude,
mo, not at all. Wait moment, yer
know"-and taking out two pink
rosettes from his pocket, the dude fast
ened them in the insteps of his bottines
and exclaimed: There you are, yer
know!' MAY 1 ask what you repre-
sentp" said the puzzled photographer.
, was the reply. But" said the photog-
rapher, "Fofly Is woman" Eyes, Of
!. course; but I'm a male Folly, don t.
. cher NOW p,'- Detroit Fyee P~ose