The Osceola times., 1883-03-17

DIR. - is a Ph. d., and there are folb
who call him a'D. Ph.-Lowell Courier.
The electric incandescent pocket book
is the latest. 1t is always light.-1he
Drummer
Remember, young man." said Uncle
Nose, "dat de bes' frien' yer's got on dis
earth is better frien' ter himself den he
is ter you."-Arkansaw Traveller.
marquis de Calinaux, is the bibelot
you have sent me ancientT" "No, coun-
tess, but the dealer assured me that it
would become so."-French Fun.
Overheard in the cloak room: 'Did
she marry well ?" "Yes, indeed; he's
worth over a million, and drinks so hard
he can never go into society; SO she's
not bothered with him."-Anon.
81 have no wealth." she said 81 can
give you only my hand and heart" And
then he thought that her heart was as
big as her hand she was indeed wealthy.
Providence Journal.
When a lady who has been taking
music lessons for the past eight years
hangs back and bushes and says she re-
ally can't play, don't insist ON it. The
chances are that she can't.-Detroit Free
Press.
A country girl, who was being treated
to ice cream for the first time, was asked
by her "young man" how she liked it.
at tastes pretty good" was the reply ;
'but ! always prefer my pudding hot."-
Hotel Mail.
A Sussex paper is responsible for the
following perturbing announcement :
"Prince Bismarck has been suffering
from neuralgia in the head, and his
check is assuming alarming proper
tions N'-Funny Folks.
~ tell you" exclaimed Brown, "that
Charley is wholly unselfsh in his aifec-
ton; he loves the very ground that she
walks on" "Yes," replied Fogg, when
she is walking on her fathers estate."-
Boston Transcript.
There are twenty Greeks in Chicago,
hence when they meet there are ten tugs
of war. The Secretary of the Navy should
buy up those tugs Of war without delay,
and then we would have navy.-Texas
Siftings.
"Jane," said father, 81 thought you
hated stingy people, and yet your young
man" "Why, pa, who said he was
stingv?" "Oh, nobody" replied pa
"only | could see he was a little close as
| passed through the room."-Hartford
Times
"Have congratulated Edith upon her
engagement 10 Jim TucherP" said the
young man. "No, Stree ! met her yes
tcrday afternoon and didn't say word
about it. Hang it, | don't think she is
the one to be congratulated" Lowell
Citizen,
Mrs. Marowlat had just finished read
ing an account of a Michigan girl who
had dropped dead upon receiving an Of
fer Of marriage from a young man, when
Mi.tiades quietly asked: Mother, don't
you suppose-hc knew it would kill her?"
-Drooi.lyn Eagle.
Some men are ever ready TO offer q
remedy for everything. The other day
we remarked to one of these animated
apothecary shops: "An idea struck us
yesterday"-and before we could finish
he advised us: Grub the affected parts
with arnica w-Hartwell GA Sun.
"If / were as fat as you," said West
ern newspaper reporter to local poiti-
elan who turned the scale at $50 pounds,
and who had brusquely declined to be
interviewed, "It | were as fat as you I'd
die and give my heirs chance to start q
soap factory."-Brooklyn Eagle.
as your father in? ?" asked an Austin
landlord, in search of back rent. The lit
tie boy, who was sitting ON the steps de-
vastating large slice of bread and but
ter, replied between bites: "No, he amt
in town" suppose you go and ask him
if he is not in" "He amt awake yet."-
Texas. s:.siltings
"Wcre you at Mrs. Jones's ball two sea-
sons ago" he said to Miss Rosebud, at
the Patriarchs' ball. "Oh, no." she an
swered; "Im a debutante this winter"
"Are your" he exclaimed; why, some
body told me your folks were Episcopal
ians Pm. Y. Mail and Express.
An otter was killed by milkman on
the bank of the Maple river near Ida
Grove, the other day. The finding of an
otter is something remarkable, but the
fact that a milkman was at the river in
order to make the capture is still more
strange-yea, passing strange.-Dubuque
Times.
In the studio of successful artist
Visitor, observing a picture framed and
turned against the wall-"Ila what's
that? Something | haven't seen yet"
Artist-"Oh, that? never mind that It's
daub--one of those things that fellow
presents to his native town, you know"
French Wit.
A Young lady had narrow escape at
q FIRE in New York few nights since.
About half of her back hair was burned.
Fortunately, she was not in the bull ng
at the time, having put on her other hair
and left the house only an half hour be-
fore the fire broke out.-Norristown
Herald.
II say, there" exclaimed policeman,
pointing TO placard ON the wall, don't
you see that notice, NO loating about
this station'Y "Yes," replied the itin-
Grant, and as soon as | found out you
didn't allow a fellow to loaf about the
place came inside, TO do my loafing
here. Boston Transcript.
Above Grip.