The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1883-11-16
W.T. AND HUMoR.

Al DTc III CiObuiuS stOTc tlc OtuoE
day. the only pants saved were the
occupants. Million Nesos.
I'm sitting ON the style, Mary" said
Mary's father when no refused to buy
her now bonnet.
France is great country for law
ycrs, and somebody is bright enough to
remark that it is land of Gaul.
Peaches are like men. The little ones
are crowded out of sight by the big fell
lows.
Parasol Irritation is one Of the newest
feats at the seaside. When girl jabs
fellow in the eye with her parasol,
II means ''you won't see much of me-"
In the far West man advertises for
q woman to wash. iron and milk one or
two cows What does no want his COWS
washed and ironod forp
The impecunious condition of too
celebrated family Of royal lineage calls
forth from Punch the appellaiion of the
Duke and Duchess Of Tick.
There are dismal looking men who
can throw such u gloom over flu
neral that the corpse will DC quite for
gotten.
A Pennsylvania Clergyman is Il pitch
or in baseball nine. His gestures
sometimes make the congregation duck
their heads. Burlington Free Press.
A fire in this city on Saturday and
tho failure of a pigeon race in the East,
both resulted from the same causc-a
detective flue. PttSbarg Despatch.
Is il n dude? Yes. il is q dude. Was
it always that way? Yes, natural born.
What does it do for a living? 1t breathos
dear; don't disturb it.
Punch defines the difference between
n pitchfork and tuning fork: One is
used to mako hay with. and the other
to make A with.
A New York man was fined $500 for
giving tobacco to a giraffe in Central
Park. But they wouldn't fine him u
centif he only gave whisky to a boy.
Nov that have got my hay in"
said the relieved farmer, Il think the
world would be greatly better for y
good shower.--BostoH Globe.
The telephone is said TO be popular
in Colorado, for with il aman may con-
verse with another and occasionally
reach around TO his hip pocket for his
tobacco without being shot.
In several female colleges in Iowa
the girls are taught how to cook. 1t will
come quite handy for them after mar
riage if they get anything to cook
Yonker's gazette.
81 never loved but one person."
sighed Biggs. "And, as q man can
not marry himself, remarked Fogg,
''of course il came TO nothing. Poor
! fellow!'
"Did the prisoner knock Mr.. Smith
down in retaliation" asked the lawyer
of q witness. mo, sir: he knocked him
down in the boardyard:' gu city Der
rick.
When "A man is in Furry to reach
certain point, which is the most annoy
ing, to arrive at the depot little too
late, or to learn that the train Is eight
hours behind timer Rochester Express.
The tailor's apprentice, when COM
mencing his trade finds there is truth
in the text that "What man sews
that he shall also rip Somcrwlie
Journal.
At Niagara Falls young bride was
very much embarrassed when hack
man pointed 10 her husband and saidr
''Do you wish n carriage for your father
missp"
1t is about IN even thing between y
man and an orange peel. Sometimes
the man throws the orange peel into
the gutter. and sometimes the orange
peel throws the man.--LOndoa Musical
World.
A report of balloon accident in
France says: ''By singular good for
tune it landed in marsh and Made
moiselle ut last stood on terra frma.'
How anybody can stand on terra hrma
in marsh is conundrum.
IA Reverend Idol is the title of
new novel. We suppose the hero, q
young Clergyman, was 80 idoliaed BY
his congregation that they raised his
salary from $3.50 to 1915 without wait
ing for him to ask for it. Fiction is
stranger than truth. - {hiLadetpst0
NeWS.
Cowardly;--A lion-tamer quarroled
with his wife, powerful vigaro, and
was chased by her all around his tent
On being sorcly pressed he took refuge
in the cage among nc lions. ''Oh,
you contemplate COW ,rGi" she shout
cd. Come ont If yoa dare. from
the French.
A Fact:-Two gentlemen were quos-
tioning why professional men should SO
frequently be bald The little daughter
OF one had been an attentive, though
unobservcd listener, but made her pres
ence and opinion known by suddenly
exclaiming: "Oh, papa, know; it's
SO that their wits can come out"
A young gentleman writing from
Long Branch asks whether it is good
form to hold bird with ones fingers
xuL;l1 IL = Al