The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1883-03-23
An Old-Fashioned Lyceum Lecture,

Reader, didst ever deliver lecture at
country "lyceum?'' If so, read the
following. 1t is good. 1--WE have been
there
Mrs. Brown having lecture upon
the Parthenon, was invited to deliver it
before the lyeeum of Walnutville.
Knowing of Walnutville only that it was
fifteen miles from a railroad, Mrs.
Brown suggested more popular sub
ject No; Walnutville wanted the
Parthenon. AT the station named in
the letter of direction Mrs. Brown saw
a stage, and soon its driver said
''Be you the lecturer for Walnut
villeP''
Yes
''Wa'al, git right in; and you hahn
no need to pay no fare neither, for L m
the committee that wrote you
Mrs. Brown was the only passenger,
and the driver cheered the long and
lonely way by telling her, Folks was
thmkin' sight about seein' on her, lots
on 'em rememberin' her granasir. !"
They were only four hours on the road,
and when the time for the lecture came
Mrs. Brown was escorted to the hall by
the same gentleman. On the way he ex-
horted her to speak up, and not be like
them Methodist wimmen, who num-
bled so folks din not know when to say
'Halleluiah.'
The hall, an unpainted building, con-
sisted of great room with an enormous
outside door opening directly into it..
There were seats against the wall upon
two sides, which the stage driver ex-
planned as being the place where ''the
old men sot town-meetin' day" The
Il
round and gazed at Mrs. Brown while
she took off her wraps and put on her
gloves. Telling her escort she was
ready, he said he s.warn't a-goin' upon
that roostrum to make fool of him.
self; the minister had got to do that.
While waiting for the minister, and
enduring the staring of the audience,
Mrs Brown diverted her mind by won
dering why row of men were seated at
the back of the platform. Finally Curl
osity conquered
What are those men up there for?'
Them? Why, they re the Walnut
Tille Brass Band, and they're goin' to
play. Don't they have no bands where
you come from?'
Fortunately, Mr.. Snow, the minister,
appeared then, and Mrs. Brown trailed
meekly up the aisle after him. Obedient
to his gesture. she sat down, and he said,
eve viii unite in prayer
That exercise disposed of, Mr.. Snow
proceeded: The Walnutyille Brass
Band will favor us with Columbia, the
Gem of the Ocean
The performance was stunning, deaf
ening; but before breath or hearing
could be regained the agile clergyman
was again on his feet:
The chorister of the Baptist Church
will now delight the audience with a
song There's u good time coming,
boys; wait little longer.
The chorister walked slowly TO the
steps of the platform, and waited, look
ing severely ut Mr.. Snow.
Il forgot to say" shouted that much
afflicted man, ''that he viii be accom-
panied by his daughter on a Mason and
Hamlin instrument.
Then the father and daughter mount
ed the stage, the organ was wheeled in
to its place, and the performers had a
good time, if nobody else did.
The audience was Indifferent to an
alarming degree, looking toMrs. Brown
like scores of duplicates of the goddess
of Pasht who sits and glares at people
in the British Museum.
Again Mr. Snow: Mrs. Brown will
now read us a piece on the Pathenon. "
Mrs. Brown stepped to the front. and,
amid stiffness soprofound that she could
hear the breathing of persons near her
read her piece. Ii took an hour, and
during all that time the death-like quiet
was broken but once; and then boy
who had climbed up on the outside and
peeped in ut a window. informed his
companions in a hoarse whisper that
''she warn't no great to look at, any
how" Not hand stirred, nor even aT
eyelid moved, when the Parthenon was
ended; but Mr. Snow allowed no time
for embarrassment, for he was at once
on his feet.
1.-The chorister of the Methodist
Church will sing Rocked in the Cradle
of the Deep He will accompany him
self
The same mastery Indifference while
the Methodist chorister rocked himself
violently backward and forward, and
while he was wiping his heated brow
after he had returned to his seat. But
interchangeable Mr.. Snow knew no weari-
ness:
The band win again delight US with
Marching Through Georgia.
s'HaEk! from the Tombs, would
have suited the temper OF the audience
equally as well to all appearance, bet
ter. Finally the minister concluded:
''These exercises will close with q
benediction.
lie had hardly spoken its last words
when the stage-driver shouted:
Here, marm, is the money We've
| took You can take yo,lr pay out on t.
Mrs. Brown, not accustomed TO ap'
proving herself, declares she rose tc
that occasion, for she turned all the
money into her pocket-handkerchiet
and told him she would settle on heI
way to the train. One or two people
walked solemnly up to her. Imply
shook her hand, and said, plaintively
I'VE have enjoyed your lecture but
with these exceptions the awful silence
was not. disturbed. To this day Mrs
Brown is in doubt if they think the
Parlhenon an improved sewing -machint
or new kind of hay-spreader.
A Story CT Ben Butler.