Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1883-01-20
PECK'S BAD BOY.
His PA Goes SIX ating.

Isis Pa Goes skating.
what is that stnff on your shirt
bosom that looks like soap grease" said
the grocery man to the bad boy, as he
came into the grocery the morning after
Christmas. Jo.tttDp
The boy looked at his shirt front, put
his fingers on the stuff and smelled
of his fingers, and then said: 80, that
is nothing but little Of the turkey
dressing and gravy. You see after Pa
and got back from the roller skating
rink. yesterday, pa was all broke up and
couldn't carve the turkey, and l had to
do it. and Pa sat in stuffed chair
with his head tied up, and pillow
amongst his legs, and he kept complain
ing that didn't do it right. Col darn
turkey anyway. l should think they
would make turkey fiat on the back,
so he would lay on a greasy platter with
out skating all around the table. 1t
looks easy to see pa carve turkey, but
when speared into the bosom of that
turkey, and began to saw on it, the tur
key rolled around as though it was on
casters, and it was all could do to keep
it out of mas lap. But rasseled with
it till got off enough white meat for
pa and ma and dark meat enough for
me, and dug out the dressing, but most
of it flew into my shirt bosom, cause the
string that tied up the place where the
dressing was concealed about the person
of the the turkey broke prematurely,
and one oyster hit pa in the eye, and he
said was as awkward as a crOss-eyed
girl trying to kiss man with hair lip.
If I ever get to be the head of a family
l shall carve turkeys with corn
shelter
But what broke your pa up at the
roller skating rink" ask the grocery
man.
"Oh, everything broke him up. He
is split up SO that ma buttons the top
of his pants to his collar button, like
bicycle rider. Well, he had no business
TO have told me and my chum that he
used to be the best skater in North
America when he was boy. He said
he skated once from Albany to New York
i'm and hour and eighty minutes. q Me
and my chum thought if pa was such a
terror on skates we would get him to
put on pair of roller skates and enter
him as the "great unknown" and clean
out the whole gang. We told pa that he
must remember that roller skates were
different from ice skates, and that may
be he couldn't skate on them, but he
said it didn't make any difference what
they were as long as they were skates,
and he would just paralyze the whole
crowd. So we got a pair OF big roller
skates for him, and while we were strap
ping them on, pa he looked at the
skaters glide around on the smooth wax
ed floor just as though they were greas-
ed. Pa looked at the skates on his feet,
after they were fastened, sort of fOrlOrn
like, the way horse thief does when
they put shackes on his legs, and told
him il he was afraid he couldn't skate
with them we would take them Off, but
he said he would beat anybody there was
there, or bust a suspender. Then we
Strengthened pa up, and pointed him
towards the middle of the room, and he
said "leggo," and we just gave him lit
tie push to start him, and he began to
90. Well, by gosh, you'd died TO have
seen pa try to stop. You see, you cam
stick in your heel and stop,slike you can
on ice skates, and pa soon found that
out, and he began to turn side ways, ana
then he threw his arms and walked on
his heels, and he lost his hat, and his
ewes began to stick out, cause he was go
ing IlQnU tOWdIu ilOu pVou WV - -
caught the post and he circled around it
a few times, and then he let 60 and be-
gan to fall, and, sir, he kept falling all
across the room, and everybody got out
of the way, except girl, and pa grab
he'd her by the polOnaise, like drowning
man grabs at straws, but there wasn't
straws in her polonaise as / know of,
but pa just pulled her along as though
she was done up in shawl strap, and
his feet went out from under him and
he struck on his shoulders and kept a.
going, with the girl dragging along like
a bundle of clothes. If pa had had an
other pair of roller skates on his shout
ders. andIcastors on his ears, he couldn't
have slid along any better. Pa is a
short, big man, and as he was rolling
along on his back, he. looked ike
a sofa with castors on being pushed
across a room by a girl. Finally pa
came to the wall and had to stop, and
the girl fell across him, with her roller
skates in his neck, and che called him
- - II N IL 90 10