Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-01-12
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"GWINE TO BE A LAWSUIT. I've were
sitting on the hotel steps at Franklin,
Tenn, when colored man came up and
asked the time of day. A gentleman whom
everybody addressed as Major gave the
hour and added
''Say, Moses, want a good, stout man
to move some fencing for me tomorrow.
Couldn't do it: sab. Ia got to tend
dat Peters Lawsuits to-morrer.'
well, next DAY p
''Next day de old man Brown has his
lawsuit
Then say Thursday
Couldn't do it, sab. OATS dc day Mrs.
Simpson am to be tried fur frowing' an Ak
at Elder Barrow
"Well, will you agree to be on hand
Friday p
mo sab. On Friday I'ze gwine seben
miles out to 'tend lawsuit beto' Squar'
Marshall"
Can you come Saturday?''
''Recken not Major. More'n likely de
Taylor hog KILN case will come off Sat
urday."
"See here, Moses" said the Major, as be
dropped his feet and leans d forward. can
you spare ne any one day next week."
''Can' promise for sartin, sab, kase some
of desc lawsuits may be disjourned ober,
you know"
He was only fair sample of bis race
Next day, as | rode out ON the spring field
pike, 1 met five slashing fellows walking
at a gait of six miles an hour. After d.
viding plug Of tobacco among them /
asked:
e oinwto town."
~ es, sah."
''Circus coming in today"
''Rtckon not, sail, but dar's gwine to bc
lawsuit, an wes pushin right long ful
front seats y 1ecas SJ;iags.
ABOUT TWlNs.-''So you have got twin
at your house, said Mrs. Bezumbe TO lit
tie II mmy Samuelson.
" es, maui; tao of 'sm."
''What are you gong 10 call them p
Thunder and Ligntning."
'.Why, those are strange names to cal
Children"
W ell, that's what pa called them as 500
as lie heard they were in the house. ~
1enus SJtings.
Happy thought:
''Copfound it, barber; say, 5 ou've Gu
me -
Cut you?" with sad surprise and
affectionate Ieproach) Oh, no, sir; 1t is
only The towel that is beedng-that's all
sir -
The largest bar of gold ever cast in the
United States weighed $50 pounds. An in
vita tion to walk up TO tht bar would have
been accepted by almost any one.
When woman wants to get rid of Eer
husband for an hour she sends him up
stairs to get something from the pocket of
one of her dresses.
Yes said the captain of the ocean
steamship, we had a very expensive trip
this time. Very little sea-sickness; passen-
gers ate frlghtfully."
They have got to making rat traps now
adays with looking glasses in them. We
suppose the rats run in to see how their
new furs look
A correspondent asks: .tDo canary birds
like fish?" well, we can't tell whether
they do or not; but they manage to catch
little perch every day.
Water from the Holy well at Mecca
turns out to be ten times worse than the
average sewage of London. This is enough
to Mecca well fellow sick to think of.
''Miss Brown, I've been to learn how to
tell fortunes said a young fellow to
brisk brunette. Just let me have your
hand if you please LA Mr.. White,
how sudden you are! Well, go and ask
papa"
concerning the insane Rochester girl
who gets cut Of bed at midnight and goes
to work saving wood in the back yard. it
is said that her father deeply deplores
her insanity, but always leaves the wood
pile handy for her to get at.
A reporter interviewed prize fat wo-
man, whose weight is 720 pounds When
asked, "Do you still claim to be the lar
gest fat woman in tie world?n she frig-
lilly replied: Excuse me, sir, but I do
not recognize the title. l am said to be
the largest lady on exhibition
A dull old lady, being told that a certain
lawyer was lying at the point of death,
sexciaimed: Dear mel won't even death
y stop that man lyIug?'
An exchange suggests to somnambulists
70 wear roller skates to bed. 1t always