News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-03-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

JOB reve1>slopped over, out he oo1leo
over once.
WHEN lovers quarrel the taffy trade
weakens.
A WASHINGTON GIRL can blush till her
} nose bleeds.
FAST TRAINS. Stuck in the snow with
no provisions aboard.
''SToP TREASURER y has now taken the
place Of ''Stop-thief."
IT IS said the tariff discussion has
brought the steel men to Washington.
SONG of the Illinois militia: ''Rye-full
men, rye-full men, rye-full men, form p
MEN don't blow out their brains be-
cause of too much pleasure in the upper
story.
AUTUMN: Wheezy, sneezy, freely;
Winter: Flippy. dnppy, nippy;
Spring: Showely, fowery bOwery;
Summer: Hoppy, croppy poppy.
ASKING man to lend you a dollar or
two and being waved off is one of the
coolest waves that we know anything
about.
YES, man is a creature of habit. Once
let him contract the habit OF begging his
tobacco and he'll never buy another
ounce
Cab p sighed the husbandman, ''if
wagging tongues were but wagon tongues
how much better we should get on in
this world :"
The one great fault of this life is the
readiness with which man accepts the
circus bill for the show inside the canvas.
| - Whitehall Times.
The diamond as an engagement ring
has gone entirely out of New York
fashion. The girls demand something
that can't be so easily cOunterfeited.
AT a recent donation party the preach
er received a large quantity of half
cooked bread, and he says now he does
not want any mole Reorganization par
ties"
A MAN at Lawrence, Mass, didn't
know how he was to spend February and
March III Florida, but some one proposed
fair; he was made Treasurer, and the
$3.50 enabled him to skip.
A PENSION AGENT in Natchez secured
negro widow a pension Of 81, 900 and
promptly handed over $3.50, taking the
remaining $3.50 as his fee. 1t is pleas
ure to hear of a man now and then who
believes in the good old adage: Live
~ Il let live"
A SPRUCE and conceited young Mr..
Fell in love with another chaps ST.
! With his sweet little cane,
| At the end Of the lane,
I He met and he fam would have kr.
/ But he trod on her train,
= At the end Of the lane
and slap on his face made blr.
LADY CARTARET, wife Of the lord lieu
n tenant of ireland, one day remarked to
Dean Swift, 1.-The ar of your country is
excellent" Swift Immediately fell down
! Ion his knees, aid exclaimed: ''For
r heavens sake, maam don't say so in
j England or they'IIlay tax on it.
E THE Queen Of Servia writes all her
: husbands letters while he plays billiards.
: There are not mann wives in this coun-
/ try who would do tat much, but we can
t point out a few wIO make it a point to
l read all their husbands letters. And
, wise women they are, too.-Prcse,u
/ Hour.
A GERMAN statisician estimates that
5000, coo rats weredrOwned by the late
floods in that country. Over here, re-
marks the Detroit free Press, if a man
works for two weeI8 with a 81 trap aid
pound Of cheese b catch one poor cid
rodent, he brags Over it as if he had won
horse race.
A WASHINGTON lady went to a l.
o'clock breakfast, then to q . o'clock
lunch, next to Il tea from 4 to 6, then
ton dinner at 7:3O. ana afterward to a re-
ception, and finally to a german. When
she got home she found her husband
rocking the cradle with one hand and
! trying to darn his stockings with the
other.-RochcSte, Post Express.
A LITTLE boy, when picking the drum
sticks OF a chicken, swallowed the ten
dons, and was very nearly choked The
| tendon was, however, extracted with
great difficulty from the little fellow,
throat, when he exclaimed, ooh, NAM
ma, it wasn't the chicl1abiddy's fault
it was because cook forgot to take off it.
carriers"
The place in California where the rail
way accident occurred the other day is
said hy the New Orleans Times to be
"Tachipoka." The Los Angeles Con,-
mcrcial says it is ''Tehachepi;" some
New York papers claim it to be "Tehi-
chipa, while others locate it at elena
chapi." The only way to arrive at aoso-
lutte correctness regarding the name of
this place is to get somebody to sneeze
and have a stenographer ready to take it
down. Rochester PO&t-Erpress.