The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1883-11-07
COMIC COMMENTS.

Political; IL has got SO now that mai
can't chase horse car but 1t is Immediately
reported that he is running for the governor
ship. Boston transcript.
Light through darkness: His Honor
" Are you guilty or not guilty2" Prisoner:
aspects pse guilty, sab but I'd like to
be tried all de same. Columbia Spectator.
Fun in Texas: Two women shall be
grinding at the mill, the one shall be taken
and the other left, and If the grinding is
very hard and it's hot day, the poor woman
is pretty badly left. 7erqs SJtiags.
A matter of time: See here, landlord,
iidn't you advertise an entire absence
# flies and mosquitoes at this place?"
z Certainly, sir; but those advertisements
were prepared in March. ~ Detroit Free
Press.
An Internal machine A New York mar
has had his head fractured BY = bath-tuE
falling upon him. This will teach him
hereafter not to fool around contr1vance
with which he is not familiar. Lozoell
Citizen.
All the same the year round: mo-
said Mrs. McGill, tive don't celebrate All
FOOLS Day ct our house, The Squire never
pays any attention to legal hollow days:
and as for me, feel just as foolish one day
Is another. alteration Independent
As green as grass Mrs. Summerbreeze's
lew girl was told to watch the turnover
lew minutes when the lady returned the
turnover was burned to crisp and the
girl remarked: Sure I've watched it,
aium, but it hasn't turned over yet."-1ne
Jadge.
Test of affection: A lady poet asks,
" How can tell him / love him no more p
Probably the best way is to get him into al
ice cream saloon. Eat five dishes, and then
break the news gently. If he doesn't ac-
cept the situation, you had better try and
love him again. You could mover do better.
--Neo York Post.
Cowardly: A lion tanner quarreled with
his wife, q powerful virngo, and was chased
by her all around his tent. On being sore.
ly pressed he took refuge in the cage among
The lions. oh, you contemplate coward!'
she shouted Z" come out if you dare ~
From Tie French.
e'Nai' MI NefeAer sereRer mas mt
epon soiielio whereby ne expects 10 make
4 fortune. He will advertise largely
" For ten cents will disclose plan where
by one-cent postage stamps can be made to
do the work of three cent stamps" His
piah Is perfectly simple and cannot fail.
Use three OF them me JaaSe.
ifue caution MA, sad Jennie
.arsehu ut newport, they SAID those
smi'ls VINO nave got the Jones cottage are
aWIoi stylish ana nave got pedigree"
ooe ehe peaigfee, nave they Z SAID Mrs.
fefyenui exeiteaiy " well, you keep away
uoin tneiii lor don't want you TO catch
" --4se" I ~" 41ss's ana Impress
Fogg's severity " Charlie is brave
fellow remarked Brown. Few men
would eare to go about at night as he does,
unarmea' should THINK that he would be
AFRAID that somebody would take his life"
Nonsense! exclaimed fogg robbers
never take anything tnat u utterly worth
Tess. ihey might 'aks ms money, but his
NC never. ---D0Soo1' 1f9'tscftpe
aus IN III windi ETC.; Two gentlemen
were discussing tne supJect oil the health OF
tneir neiBhoor across the way lie SCENT
TO be great sufferer during nine months
,'' % 'n' Year, snlo one es, was
a'e ,'p'S' ne - never wen except curing
.''o NOV ,''on''i' nueuina.'c' p.npapiy'
a'ia 'ie ne"s as'ees wiz, ili,i,' NO. MS
WV . o'' u 'o"" .''00'''g" A'el'e'
granger on the banana; What be
.hem SAID countryman, stopping IN
ifoht OF NUT store yesterday and pointing
10 puhch OIL bananas. Having learned ne
bought u plump redskin, and, without stop
ping 70 peel ~, DIT on the end. The banana
VIC ",,'9''s'' - 'iie e'io pii,'ie', s.yie' anu
ne '"' s."nhe, ioii','iAeo ms iino
CO 'uao, D"s ','o pun 40 pai'y i""' =
'rs'''s9'" A''p'o''o""'
iieS''a'iohi "hat was tne trouble pc
tween you ana another party, Mike, on the
avenue last evening" inquired an Austin
citizen OF his Hibernian porter " Well,
yer see, sur, II was bit OF hesitation Oh his
part A bit OF hesitationF "Yes, sur
You sec gave him the choice nv my two
lists, an he seemed to hesitate loike, an
when seen he couldn't make up his moind,
list gave him the two av EN- for luck
IeTds iSyhn9s.
How he got his title, " Has the colonel
been around this morning9' inquired a