Connecticut western news., 1883-07-18

| had exhibited the greatest curiosity about everything all the way down from Vlcksburg, caught the name of the town and hurried forward to the captain and said:
 Captain, they say this town is called Waterproof.
 "Yes, mann"
 "But the water is all over it, you see. The name is inconsistent with facts"
 ''Oh, they didn't have reference to the town itself in calling it Waterproof" chuckled the old man. "What they meant was that the water would never reach that nigger on the roof over there"
 'OH, II, -.AA.Alr cu ;4 plain, and don't believe it will either !" she said as she returned to her chair. Detroit F1ee Press
 NO PLACE FOR JOE.
 He was big, strong, muscular fellow, like patent Hercules, with biceps as large as soup plate, and he was play ing pool with three commercial men in 0 hotel billiard-room.
 He had clustering, bullying way with him, which kept the spirits of the party down below zero, and promoted a singular display of courtesy on the part of his companions, who treated him about as tenderly as man getting stone out of the hind hoof of wicked mule.
 Even when he appropriated one of the balls Johnson had pocketed, his piracy was permitted without murmur, and it was apparent that the game would not end without row.
 Suddenly the door opened and 8 small, sharp-nosed lady, with cork-screwy ring lets and sallow complexion, entered. The muscular stranger was making 8 shot and did not notice the intrusion. she walked straight up to him, laid hold of one of his aggressive ears and led him like Una and the hon-clean up to the front door, out of which he passed into the street. Then, turning to the bar keeper, she said:
 "I've told you more than once I'll not have my Joe loafing round your den of iniquity any more; and if I catch him here again I'll make things so lively for you you'll wish you'd added when you was babyr'
 Then there was silence for two min utes. And when she was gone the bar keeper wiped the perspiration off his face with the glass-cloth and said:
 "Py gracious, if dat vomens vos meine frau !'-EUdNSUgJJe HyyssS. ssS--T--------=-----=-
 NOBODY TO BLAME.
 "What makes it cry SOP" asked the old bachelor, listening to the baby or the next block waking the midnight stars with its songs without words "What under the canopy makes it cry so?'
 "Nothing," said the experienced father who had his quiver full of 'em and was never happy unless he was rocking 8 baby. Nothing; it jus makes that noise ten hours day natu rally, voluntarily, and without effort l Nobody makes baby cry. And," ht added, after moment of thoughtfu 7 silence, during which the baby twice got up to high 0, "nobody can make i stop crying, either, until it is cried out. l-BURDErTE. .. .. IN SPITE OF ALL THE CARE HE TOOK.
 We saw boy mailing up box tn other day, containing some articles whicl
 he intended sending by express. Fron the nature of the contents we knew was essential that the box should not b ! inverted on the passage. So we ven l tured the suggestion to place the much a abused 'This side up," etc., conspicu ously on the cover A few days afte | we saw our boy again. s'Heard from your goods yet9 Di
 they get there safely?"
 "Every one broke," replied he, su I lenly. :'Lost the hull lot Hang th : express companyl''
 '- "Did you put on This side up, as W T. told you?' IS "Yes, I did; an for fear they shouldn '- see it on the cover, I put it on the bo It tom, too! They've no excuse for sue l. carelessness.
 . AN EDITORS TRIALS. nj "How is business ?" asked Brown |. Editor Pastem of the Weehty Scsssors ,t Driving" replied the editor, "dri is ing. Been fearfully busy the last for 70 night-tired almost to death. is s'Let me congrat-'' ! ''Don't you do it, Brown, beg Ss you. I'll tell you how it is. Last wet 70 I had an article in favor of painting u ,t Town Hall-regular screamer, you kno of Result was that half of my subscribe os got mad and ordered their pape
 stopped. That kept me at work char ,a ing up, sending bills, and running aft 70 my pay. This week thought I'd ta
 the other side. I'd got frightened, y ru know. So I wrote a screed against t v ar painting project, Well, sir, would y T believe it, the other half of my su
 scribers sent in word that they want
 their papers stopped. So I've be no working like dog to accommodate e Yes, business is splendid <; but its a
 fully demoralizing on fellows pock