The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1883-11-15

came to the country. We coulC
hardly wait for him to get there
and ] almost cried the night we
looked for him and he didn't come
because / had worked awful harG
to get an uncommon ugly one ready
for him.
Well, after while he came, and
that night / lit my lantern and
went out of doors and held it up be
hind the glass door, and 1 wish you
could have seen him when he first
saw it!
He jumped six feet at least, and
pretended to be dreadfully fright
ened, and it tickled US boys-for
Bobbie and George we're around
just rs much as if it had been real
fear he felt.
Finally l laughed until l had to
sit down, and my old lantern went
out; but the fun it made me will
never go out Of my head, and l
think it will be q very good story
to tell my little grandchildren when
when have the chance.-Guid-
ing Star.
NOVEMBER NONSENSE.
Strength and health go together
with the exception of butter.
When a giraffe wants drink he
knows what a long-felt want is.
The whisper of a beautiful wo-
man can be heard further than the
loudest call to duty.
When q death occurs in Boston
the family they eat black beans for
a month as a mark of respect for
the dead.
A very tall mountain peak has
been named after Mr.. Evarts. A
tall mountain is selected because it
so long coming to a point.-Phil.
Record.
Landlady: "Its singular, but
true, Mr.. Crossgrain, that all my
boarders remain with me- New
boarder at first meal: "Too weak
to leave, 1 guess, after the first
week."
"We have struck smoother road,
haven't WEI" asked the Arkansas
Traveller of conductor on one of
the state railroad. "No, replied the
conductor, 1--WE have only run off the
track"
YES" said the doctor, 81 wanted
that patient as a tramp wants rum,
but l sent him over to DR.. Tombs
just to make Tombs think l had
more business than l conld han
dle."
When Lord Coleridge was asked
iD Chicagowhether he would like to
inspect the process of sausage max
ing, he replied, "No, 1 thank you;
1 guess / wont. l eat sausages
sometimes"
."Do you ever gambler" she asked,
as they sat together, her hand held
in his. He replied: ''No; but if 1
wanted to, now would be my time" !"
'sHow sop because I hold beau
tiful hand" The engagement is
announced.
Among the reasons urged by a
Peoria, Ill, woman for divorce
are: Drunkenness, swearing, OBJ
seenity, arson, filthy habits, incom-
patibility, infdelity, brutality, lazi-
ness, bigamy, and non-support. She
married him to spite her father for
boxing her ears.
Timkins, in q moment of rash en-
thusiasm, fondly pinches his dar-
ling Dora's cheek. "Hands OFF,
cried she, hotly, "Oh," says Tim
kins, food of light breaking in
upon him as he looks at his fingers,
Hands off-fresh paintp' They
don't speak now.
When Dame Fortune wants q
man she "calls for him" And
very often she find him not at home.
Nine tines out of ten he is down at
the grocery store sitting on a soap
box and telling what a cyclone
his grandfather was to cradle
wheat.
A patent medicine advertisement Mt
reads, Fifty dollars reward to any
one who will produce a case Of liver
complaint that our bitters will not
cure" This generous offer will un-
doubtedly occasion great rivalry
among the leading producers of liv-
er complaint, and stimulate them
to renewed exertions.-Lowell Cit
An Austin man started in the
livery stable business last week,
and the first thing he did was to
have big sign painted represent
ing himself holding 9 mule by the
bride. ''Is that good likeness of
meP' he asked an admiring friend.
Eyes, it is perfect picture of you;
but who is the fellow holding you
by the bridle?'
A rural young lady visited the
Philadelphia geological garden and
when she returned home she told
her mother that one of the monkeys
spoke to her. A girl who can't
distinguish a dude from a monkey
should be given a few lessons in. nat
ural history. The monkey is the
most intelligent looking, but doesn't
wear such ridiculous clothes.
At Brockville, N. Y, on one of
the cool nights recently, the clerk
at a popular hotel lighted lantern
and placed it within the coal stove
in the reading-room. One by one
the citizens and guests strolled up
to the stove, rubbed their hands
with satisfaction, turned slowly
around so as to warm their shIver-
ing backs, noticed a broad grin,
took in the situation, and sat down
to enjoy the discontinue of the
next victim.
There was a colored funeral in
the extreme southern suburbs of
Austin. The widow was inconso-
liable at the cemetery; but when she
to the desolated home,
and the fatherless pledges of affec-
ton ran out to meet her, her grief
uae lilo tho orivino owov Of a crraaf