The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-04-21
The Paragraph Fiend.

Centre of gravity-The Lottery
Died in the wool-A defunct sheep.
Atelling point--The end OF pencil,
A tax John A. Logan despises -syntaX.
German tutor-Player in German band
A sole.stirring article--A peg inside boot
The great American cyclone is Gale" Ha
milton.
A cork is an article that often gets In a
tight place.
Floating indebtedness is that which cannot
be settled.
Singing In Chinese joss'house is done by
Z 4 Celestial choir.
There arc some old soakers who would like
10 get into "that whisky pool"
Hand organs are ripenng. --Ne,o York Com
mercial advertiser. Beginning to turn.
Lady Dixie saw mouse. All is explained
The Cincinnati Enquirer hes the news.
Is 1t runaway match in the insect or ami
nal world when you see one antelope with
another?
Can such things be: An advertisement in
The London Times calls for "a wet nurse, sin
gle and respectable"
An Indianapolis preacher has challenged an
editor to fight. The minister refers to his an
sagonlst as "Beayer dam liar"
The Cincinnati Ga-ette has had to pay s. on
libel suit for $4,000. II Is this sort OF
thing that keeps newspapers poor.
A careless printer makes IL dancing master
say: 81 offer my shanks to those who favored
me with their patronage last year"
A Texas editor eats ink rollers when his
couctry produce runs out. He Is not the on
" Texas editor who has a patent inside,
The New Orleans Picoyune in summing up
David Davis, concludes that he will not re
sign the speakershlp in his own household
The Baltimore An,ericdn owns modestly up
to fifty libel suits in fifteen years. Damages
claimed, $4,000, 900. 90; disbprsed, $500, 1t
scarcely pays to iighl with a newspaper.
The story OF mankind in all ages is told in
this little aphorlsm, attributed to a Georgia
darkey: "a man dat kin make libn' playn'
de fiddle amt APP to poster de hoe handle"
"The President seemed disguised and out
OF sorts" says Florida dispatch. Lower
down we read president Arthur has struck
Sunday school pcnic'--whch explains all.
1t was Chauccr that appropriately said:
A,Dhnr. IL nDtliDU ~ h,a
been old" Chauccr evidently knew hash
when he saw it,. YOnIciY Statesman.
Tourists in this country are subjected TO all
sorts of mean restrictions while sightseeing.
please do not tumble down the shaft" is the
Ao,ice posted at the mouth ota Nevada mine
Alec Potter, & reporter OF the Chicago
Times sent to Wyoming to report The meet.
ing of the Stock Growers Association on ar.
irving there committed suicide. 10 Is suppos-
ed he saw the Wyoming female Judge
Johu Brown Is dead Nictoiia's man,
Wen never see him more
And come to think, we never had
Seen Mr. Brown before.
--tIica Heyoh.
John Bright has changed his mind as 10
woman suffrage. The ladies will have to be
easy on Mr.. Bright, however, They will re
member how often they change their own
minds
A Vermont man the other day aimed a gun
ut a crow, pulled the trigger and the bird
fell 1t may be added that was tame crow
and the man didn't know the gun was loaded
-Boston Post.
The religious faith of too many people /:
MS much OIL color as that OF the man who
quoted these lines:
Thrice is he armed who hath his quarre
lust"
And four times he who gets his blow in fust
4 young man named Polk sang all the even
ing to a company Of friends at Montgomery
Ala, and then shot himself dead. He proba
bly, preferred suicide to being lynchcd -
Rochester Post. Express.
The old lady came down to breakfast in q
bad humor. and sharply addressing her son
said; "Charlie, did you leave that whisky bot
tic on the parlor table," "No. guess dat
left IT," "Why do you guess your father lcf
itT "'Cause It's empty"
Here is an ESSAY on Man" rather NOR
concise than Pope's. 1t consists of the fol
lowing canto:
Mans vapor
Full OF woes
Starts paper,
Basts and goes.
Mr.. and Mrs. David Davis are home from
their wedding tour, and invitations are GU
fora quilting bee. Quilts, however, are no
much needed for this time of the year, an
most likely this Is only u blind, Mrs. Davis
object being to get enough help to build
patch for David's trousers
He stands upon the pavement
And wrestles with the breeze;
He looks In through the window,
And this is what he sees
Lights low, u combination
or mustachU and OF curl
Another fellows hugging
The other fellows girl.
lis reported that Langtry's poodle, Ere
Gebhardt, is losing his mind. II is also r,
ported that an Illinois editor has lost q clu
Ter diamond pin, 81, 900 watch, and a ciga
box containing 500, 900 IN government bond
We don't believe either story, and for III
same reason Rockford Jour. Her.