The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1883-06-19
Thirteen Times at tho Altar.

"Yes, l have had a delightful expert.
ence," said and old gentleman yester.
day. " MY last birthday, which occur
red on the 9th Of this month found me
seyenty-five years old, and in those near
~ four score of years I have proposed to
thirteen young.ladies and was promptly
and cordially accepted each and every
time. Was never rejected, never, sir
in my whole life. They invariably
blushed, smiled, fell into my outstretci-
ed arms and murmured yes as soon
as had asked them. All, my dear sir,
the young men Of the present day are
not like we old fellows must be. Nv
first wife, q charming brunette, died
one year after marriage. 1 remained
single two years, and then again sought
the friendly aid Of q minister of the
gospel with another blushing, beautiful
young lady on my arm, hope in my
heart and q greenback in my hand
Death carried off this prize within three
brief months Of the day fondly pressed
upon her eager, willing lips the ecstatic
marriage kiss. She died from typhoid
fever" The third wife assumed the
official domestic robe within seven
months thereafter. "It was rather
quick that time," exclaimed the old
gentleman, while a tear shone in his
worn, dimmed eyes ; "but she was q
sweet, sweet girl. It was, however, !"
more cheerily, can exception to my
general rule. That ISL explanatory,
~ mean by that my hasty marriage
then, not that particular wife, for they
were all sweet and good; every one, sirl"
Seven years she shared his joys and sor-
rows, and then the touch of the great
destroyer rested upon her and she was
no more within the walls of this world.
A bad cold, or what some people ele-
gantly and concisely term Hgallopping
consumption, killed her. "After a
brief interval of mourning I attenttve-
ly regarded with interest heart still all
other facinating young lady. She could
not resist my honorable and energetic
manly Establishments, and at an early
period after our introduction at sun
day school picnic, during one balmy
summer day, she carefully packed her
huge Saratoga trunk for Il bridal trip
which only came off at the advertised
time. I got money by her as we'll as a
lovely young lady," promptly said the
old gentleman. "She was worth $25,-
600 III her own name. But lost it all
within year Of our marriage specula-
ting in them devllish stocks," he sadly
and reflectively continued. This wife
lived nine years after the marriage.
Then one day she suddenly and unex-
pectly died at the dinner table: s'I be-
gan to think my marrying days were
certainly over" meditatively remarked
the Old gentleman. "I was never so
surprised, sir, in my life, never, as
when that dear wife of mine so sudden
ly died-that particular one, sir" he
v;,r.fully added. "My next legal
housekeeper and lawful social partner
in this especial life drama was a lady
moro noted for the spirit Of disposition
than for the beauty of her face or the
elegance of her form. I will frankly
confess to you, sir, that she was us ugly
as Maryland mule, and I am sorry to
say it, because it once caused me heap
Of trouble, almost perverse, "-admittcd
the old gentleman. ''Why, sir, would
you believe it, she got the war fever
during the early days of the war. She
came from Georgia to Baltimore, and 1
met and married her here. Got it 80
bad that against my commands, sir, she
left my house and went and became a
spy for General Lee. She was red-hot,
sir; born amd raised far down south
Loved her particular country too well,
sir. But, as you know, it is born and
bred III all southern women. L didn't
get a divorce, because knew if I did
and she ever lived to get back to Balti-
mere would have to move out west
Immediately upon her arrival. She
died, sir, from exposure during the
Pennsylvania campaign of General Lee.
There, sir, is an autograph letter from
the old general himself commencing her
devotion and bravery to the southern
cause. l am proud Of that wife, even
if she was ugly and stubbornl Indeed
am, sir.
The succeeding wives, like the acts
in two-and1-a-half-hour society play,
according to the old gentleman, follow
ed each other and disappeared on the
stage of domestic happiness in rapid
succession. None of them lived long
after they had uttered at the altar the
most important and significant words
Of all their life verbal remarks. 81 be-
gam" exclaimed the old gentleman, ''at
this time of my life to consider myself
unlucky. No sooner would have O.
wedding than it would kind of creep
into my heart much against my will,
yes, indeed, sir, much against my will,
that would have to begin preparations
for a funeral. 1t seemed awful hard.
Bride in my house one month, corpse
in my house the next month";
This sad state of affairs appears to
have constantly and persistently con-
tinued until the thirteenth blushlng
bride of this moral hero was transferred
from this vale Of activity to the great
future. "When I married thirteen, or,
rather, should saymy thirteenth wife,
quietly and firmly remarked the old
gentleman, 81 said to myself, John,
this is the last time you will ever stand
in this kind Of company at this kind of
an altar I made up my mind decid-
edly at that time, sir. You see, have
lost so many wives in quick succession
that began to get afraid myself. And
then, tell you the truth, sir, am
great home body, as you may now i'm
agine; don't travel much, never did;
and the single girlsaround my neighbor-
hood began to become afraid Of me,
too. Actually began to shun me, sir.
I hardly think could have got anoth.
er wife If had tried. Rather q hard
thing for me, a man who had been 80
lucky this way, to say; but promised
you, if you would positively not put my
name in your newspaper, that would
tell you nothing but the truth, and
am a man Of my word, sir. You know