The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-04-21
SCRAPS.
The Gar of all the Russians is an knout-
and-knout reformer

The Car of all the Russians is an knout-
and-knout reformer
A quack advertises: "Consumptives,
cough while you can, for after you have
taken one bottle of my mixture you can't"
Spriggns says that he once prevented a
severe case of hydrophoOia by simply getting
oil high fence and waiting there till the
dog had gone away.
At breakfast the other morning New
York dude declined n piece of shad. He had
been told that fish food made brain, and he
didn't want to unfit himself for the position
he occupied in society. Norristown Herald.
Wife-"You certainly don't intend going
out riding with such hat as that! The thing
don't fit YOU at all, my dear" Husband-"l
know it don't, and l told the halter so but
he showed ME his gold medal, and what
could | do?'
A German went to a friend and said: TO
morrow | owe you $4,000. am ruined.
! cannot pay it, and 1 cannot shleep a wink"
The creditor said: IVY didn't you wait to
dell me tomorrow? Now neither can
shleep Wink"
A weekly paper in the interior of Illinois
devotes column to "colored society" The
department. head is in ornamental type
and the consideration accorded to colored
society is in no degree less than that enjoy ed
by plain society.
Yes" said the deacon, "the organist GER
tainly did play opera bouffe airs and the can
can in his voluntary yesterday. But, dear
me, can't kick up row about it without
giving myself away by showing that l recog-
nize the music."-Boston Post.
French inventor has an apparatus for
curying the tail of pug dog, so that its mis-
tress can grasp it securely and convey it to
the opposite side of muddy street. When
great necessity becomes fully known, the
invention TO meet it is always on hand.
| The dude was first mentioned by the writer
of thai old song:
"Camptown race-course five miles long,
Dude-aw-dude-aw-d
"Come, ye ladies, sing this song
Dude-aw- dude-aw vidal"
Boston Transcript.
The "course of true love" traced by letters
in breach-of-promise suit in New York ran
in this manner: "My darling Benny" MY
own darling Benny" "My own dearest dar-
ling" Your loving Baby" Your own
| loving Pet" my own darling Love-" "My
darling Ben," Friend Ben." And all was
over.-Boston Globe.
A young city fellow dressed in a faultless
suit and pair of shoes which tapered to a
point in the most modern style, was visiting
| in a rural district. A bright little boy
! looked him all over until his eyes rested on
( those shoes. He looked at his own chubby
| feet and then at his visitors, and then look
10 NP SAM bAASbSAi 10 al gOui NOSo ShNtSNi
| off but oue?'
Unfortunate little Levi; "Why so gloomy
this morning, jacob" "Ah, my poor leetle
| Penjamin Levine is tead!" Dead? You
surprise me. How did it happenY' "Vell,
! you see, my leetle Penjamin he vas at der
synagogue to say his prayers, and a poy put
i'll his head at der toor and CRIES: JOB Lott
AID !eetle Penjamin-he was vas gilt in der
Crush.
Said young politician in Me,
"All my efforts for Office are We,
But yOu all will agree
That quite different 'twouid he
II the party still run by Ble"
There was young lady in Del
Who said to her friend ''Y0u are Wei,
That cannot be thine,
For never can dine
On table that's covered with yell"
McMurtry brought home n bottle of ar
senic for use on the rats. To prevent acct
dents, he wrote on the bottle IN big letters
the word poison" But what good will
that dor asked Mrs Mac; 1.-The children
can't read" True" replied McMurtry; II
didn't think of that" Then lie wrote be-
meath the label, "This says poison y
There" he added NOW they will know
what it says."-Boston Transcript