The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1883-03-01
Chips from the SaRetum -!

WAsHINGToN's birthday was not large
ly celebrated in this place. Only two or
three got drunk.
The man who drops piece of Timber
ger cheese on the stove is stronger than
she that taketh CITY,"
Non has so exalted an opinion of
the value of his company to others as he
who has made himself an idiot by whisky.
A LITTLE boy named Charlie Roth, in
Cincinnati, fired off a toy pistol, on last
Wednesday. He fired it about ten min
utes before he died.
TIE next beautiful style of false
"bangs" for ladies will probably consist
of a hair mask, with holes for the eyes to
peep through.
WHY does not Vice President David
Davis get married, and give the WASH
ington correspondents rest. Or, he
might sit down on them.
THE man who was waiting for some
thing to turn up" was certainly not sit
ting behind one of the Latest style ladies'
hats, in public assemblage.
Huh, that Map can never do right
look what he used to bet' said the loafer.
That "used to be" is comprehensive. The
loafer FUSED to be" decent man.
IT may be, as general thing, that "per-
severance is rewarded" but it is of no
use to argue shat to man who has hung
around Court House for whole term
without getting on jury.
THE first thing Cincinnatian does
when he starts down town is toput on his
hat. The next is to see that his last will
and testament is duly prepared.
WHY should tobacco user have more
regard for one class of business houses
than another? 1t has been observed that
more men throw out their tobacco when
going into drug store than when going
into any other kind of business house.
A BUSINESS firm in New York have
"lost drummer" a late dispatch tells us.
He has disappeared, as it were. This
piece of good fortune could only be equal
led by the death of a book agent.
AN inquisitive person wants to know
why so many comic writer's take the mule
as a subject for so many jokes. A man
always feels more at liberty, you know,
when joking with his own family.
MARTIN KILLEN, of Akron, Ohio, took
a good big dose of sugar of lead, then cut
his windpipe in two-but even this was
not a sufficiently Killen matter, and Mart.
still lives, to whet up his old razor and
"try 'er agin!'
SHOULD consumptives go to Florida p
asks an exchange. Well, if they have
plenty of money. and are seeking pleas
ant place in which to die, they might as
well go to Florida as anywhere else.
WoNG CHING Foo has started Chi
nese paper in New York. Wong Ching
will not put up with any Foo-lishness
upon the Chinese question. The Chinese
are to have real, genuine organ-printed
in spider tracks.
MARSHAL BAZAINE is writing a book
in which he claims that the Empress Eu-
genie ought to have placed herself at the
head of a division of the army during the
Franco-Prussian war, History shows
that the French had enough "old women
commanders in that war.
AT Richmond, Va. Capt. John S. Wise
plead guilty to assaulting one Massey
stating that he would do it again ''lf Mas
sey were $50 years old, and in Church.
Massey's attorney Immediately offered
Wise all the satisfaction he wanted, when
the latter wiltdd. The attorney was
probably not old enough.
A LITTLE colored boy, down by the red
bridge the other day, was trying to learn
a white friend how to chew tobacco
ssDes take little bites, chaw EN- awhile, an
spit 'em out agin. OATS de way done!
and he smacked his lips, throwing open
a mouth in which brickbat would be
small bite, and which resembled the open
ing and shutting of valise.
A JACKSON man recently heard one OF
his children crying in an adjoining room
and went to investigate. But no crying
child could be found, though the cow
maw-wah!' could he heard as if coming
from the very floor. The real sufferer
was not discovered until the ever-ready
small boy ran out of the house, seized a
fish-pole, and punched under the house
when whole platoon of tom-cats went
scampering across the yard.