The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1883-06-13
THE BAD BOY.
Tries Hard to Obey Orders as Driver Mt
u Funeral.
PecRs Sun.

T6Ck6 sun.
"Well, great Julius Casar's bald head
ed ghost, what's the matter with you,' -
said the groceryman to the bad boy as
he came into the grocery on crutches,
with an arm in sling, one eye blacken-
ed and strip Of court plaster across one
side of his face. Where was the explo-
sion, or have you been in a fight? Or
has your pa been giving YOU what you
deserve, with club? Here let me help
you. There, sit down on that keg of ap-
plejack. Well, by the great guns, you
look as though you had called somebody
liar What's the matter?" and the
groceryman took the crutches and stood
them up against the show case.
20, there's not much the matter with
me" said the boy, in voice that sound
ed all broke up, as he took big apple off
a basket, and began peeling it with his
upper front teeth. "If you think l am a
wreck you ought to see the minister.
They had to carry him home in INSTALL
ments, the way they buy sewing ma
chimes. am all right, but they have
got to stop him up with oakum and
tar before he will ever hold water
again."
"Good gracious, you have not had q
fight with the minister, have you? Well,
have said all the time, and stick to it,
that you would commit crime yet, and
20 to state prison. What was the fuss
about? ?" and the grocery man laid the
hatchet out of the boys reach for fear he
would get excited and kill himself.
20, it want no fuss. 1t was in the way
of business. You see the livery man
that was working for promoted me. He
let me drive horse to haul sawdust for
bedding, first, and when he found l
was real careful he let me drive an ex-
press wagon to haul trunks. Day before
yesterday, l think it was-(Yes, I was in
bed all day yesterday)-day before yes
terday there was funeral, and our stable
furnished the outfit. It was only COM
mon eleven dollar funeral, go they let
me go to drive the horse for the minister
you know, the buggy that goes ahead
of the hearse. They gave me an old
horse that is thirty years old, that has
not been of a walk since nine yearf ago,
and they told me to give him loose
rein, and he would 60 all right. It's the
same old horse that used to pace so fast
on the avenue, years ago, but l didn't
know it. Well, I want to blame, just
let him walk along as though he was
hauling sawdust, and gave him loose
rein. When we got off of the pavement
the fellow that drives the hearse, he was
in hurry, cause his folks were going to
have duck for dinner, and he wanted to
get back, go he kept driving along side of
my buggy and telling me to hurry up. I
wouldn't do it, cause the livery man told
me to walk the horse. Then the minis
ter, he got nervous, and said he didn't
know as there was any use Of going so
slow, because he wanted to get back in
time to get his luncha and go to the minis
ter's meeting in the afternoon, but l told
him we would all get to the Cemetery
soon enough if We took It cool, and as for
ma wasn't in no sweat. Then one of
the drivers that was driving the mourn
ers he came up and said he had to get
back in time to run wedding down to
the one o'clock train, and for me to pull
out little. have seen enough of dis
obcying orders, and told him funeral
in the hand was worth two weddings in
the bush, and as far as was concerned,
the funeral was going to be conducted in
a decorous manner, if we didn't get back
till the next day. Well, the minister
said, in his regular Sunday school way,
| my little man, let me take hold of the
lines and like darn fool I gave them
to him. He slapped the old horse on
the crupper with the lines, and then
jerked up, and the old hoss stuck up his
off ear, and then the hearse driver told
the minister to pull hard and saw on the
bit little, and the old horse would wake
up. The hearse driver used to drive the
old PAGER on the track, and he knew
what he wanted. The minister took of
his black kid gloves and put his umbrella
down between us, and pulled his hat
down tight on his head, and began to
pull and saw at the bit. The old cripple
began to move along sort of sideways,
like hog going to war, and the minister
pulled some more, and the hearse-driver
who was right behind, he said, so you
could hear him clear to Waukesha,
'Ye-e-up,' and the old horse kept going
faster, then the minister thought the
procession was getting too quick, and he
pulled harder and yelled whoa and that
made the old horse worse, and / looked
through the little window in the buggy
top, behind, and the hearse was two
blocks behind, and the driver he was
laughing, and the minister he got pale
and said, my little man, guess you had
better drive and I said, Not much,
Mary Ann; you wouldn' let me run this
funeral the way I wanted to, and now
you can boss it if you willlet me get out,
but there was street car ahead, and all
of sudden there was an earthquake,
and when came to there were about six
hundred people pouring water down my
neck, and the hearse was hitched to the
fence, and the hearse-driver was asking
if my leg was broke, and a policeman
was tanning the minister with a.plug hat
that looked as though it had been struck
by a pile-driver, and some people were
hauling our buggy into the gutter, and
some men were trying to take the old
PAGER out of, the windows of the street
car, and then 1 guess 1 tainted away
again. 0, it was worse than telescopine
a train loaded with cattle"
"Well, swan," said the groceryman
as he put some eggs in funnel-shaped
brown paper for a servant girl, "What
did the minister say when he come
to?"
"Say! What could he say? He just
yelled whoa and kept saving with hif