The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1883-03-07
JOINING THE GOOD TEM7LARs.
The Bad Boy Makes an Attempt at Re-
forming His Father.


Don't you think my pa is showing
his age good deal more than u,ual"'
asked the bad boy Of the grocery man,
as be took smoked herring out OF the
box and peeled off the skin with a jack
knife, and split open and ripped out the
backbone, threw the head at the cat, and
took some crackers and began to eat.
sWell, I don't know but he does leok
as though he was getting old y said the
grocery man, as he took a piece Of yellow
wrapping paper and charged the boys
poor old father with a dozen herrings
and pound of crackers. But there's
no wonder he is getting old. wouldn't
go through what your father has the past
year for a million dollars. | tell you,
boy, when your father is dead, and you
get stepfather, and he makes you walk
a chalk mark, you will realize what q
bonanza YOU have fooled yourself out OF
by killing off your father. The way [
figure it, your father will last about six
months, and you ought to treat him
right the little time he has to live.
"Well, am going TO, said the boy as
he picked the herring bones out OF his
teeth with Il piece OF match that he
had sharpened with his knife. " But |
don't believe in borrowing trouble about
step-father so long beforehand don't
think ma could get man TO step into
pas shoes, as long as [ life, not II she
was inlaid with diamonds and owned
brewery. There are brave men, | know,
that are on the marry, but none OF them
would want to be brevet father to
cherubim like ne except he got pretty
| good wages. And then, since pa Was
dissected he is going to lead different
\ r 1~a, f,f
| him il he holds out We got him to join
| the good tempars last night
NO. YOU don't tell me- said the gro
Gerry man, as he thought that his trade
in cider for mince pies would be cut Oft.
$50 YOU got HIM into the good templars,
did you?'
"Well, he thinks he has joined the
good templars SO it is all the same. You
see, my chum and me have been going
to a private gymnasium, on the west
side, Kept by a Dutchman, and in back
room he has all the tools for getting up
muscle. There, look at my afm,o said
the boy, as he rolled up his sleeve and
showed muscle about as big us an oys-
ter. !. That is the result ct training at
the gymnasium Before / took lessons
t I hadn't any more muscle than you have
got Well. the Dutchman Was going TO
a dance on the south side the other day,
and he asked my chumt to tend the gym
nasium, and | told pa ifhe would join
the good templars that night there would
not be many at the lodge, and be would
not be embarrassed, and as [ was one OF
the officers Of the lodge | would put it to
him light, and he said he would go, SO
my chum got five boys to help Us put
him through So we steered him to the
gymnasium, and made him rap on the
storm door outside, and [ said, Who
comes there ? and he said it was a pill
grim who wanted to join our sublime
order. ] asked if he had made up his
mind to turn from the ways OF nyena
and adopt the customs. OF the truly good,
and he said if he knew his own heart he
had, and then | told him to come i'll out
Of the snow and take off his pants. He
kicked q little at taking off his pants be-
cause it was cold out there in the storm,
but I told him they all had to do 1t
that princes, potentates and paupers all
had to come to it. He asked me how It
was when we initiated women, and
told him women never took this degree
He pulled off his pants and wanted :
check for them. but [ told him the grand
mogul would hold his clothes, and then
/ blindfolded him and with a baseball
club [ pounded on the floor as walked
, him around the gymnasium, while the
lodge, headed by my chum, sung, W.
: won't go home till morning. Then
stopped in front OF the lce-Water tank
and said: Grand worthy duke, | bring
before YOU pilgrim who has drunk o
the dregs until his stomach won't hole
water, and who desires to swear OFT.
J The grand moguL asked ne ii he wa
worthy and well qualified, and | toll
him that he had been drunk more o.
less since the reunion last summer, ant
5 that ought to qualify him. Then tn
! grand lmogul made pa repeat the mos
: blood-curdling oath, in which pa. agreed
: if he ever drank another drop, to alloy
) ANYBODY to pull his toe-nails out Vitl
: tWeezers. to have his liver dug out an
fed to dogs, ais head chopped Oft and III
$ ewes renl5yea. Then the mooul said W
would brand the candidate on the bar
lslzin with the initial letters OF our order
5 G. T., that all might read how bran
: had beer snatehed from the burning
j, You'd died to see pa finch When
= IDulled nD his shirt and got ready
: brand him. Ny chun got q piece o. It
= out OF the water cooler, and just as 4
:, clapped it onto pas back burned
= = Epieee OF horses hoof in the candle an
~ held it to. pas nose, and / guess pa a
= Stualiy thought twas his burning Ski
: that lie sinelled. He Jumped about 81
feet and said, Great heavens, what 20
deWin' ], and then he began to roll oV'
i barrel which I had arranged for hin
= Pa thought he was going down celia
q land he hung to the brrreI, but he W;
4 ION top half the time. Then | said, /
: calm, and prepare yourself for the orde
4I,.4 i. ~ f.aIlaurzt He syvi11qd the Dp