Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1883-01-12
WIT AND HUMoR.

take" put III the contribution DOX Was
one of set for his wife's sacque, and
they cost thirty cents apiece.
Widow woman Ito chemist. who
was weighing Is grain of oalomel in
dispensing prescription for her
sick child: Man, ye medina be sac
scrimpy with tits for a puir father
less bailu?'
An American says that, from his
late experience of English weather.
he should imagine that Rain Brit
anniaw ought to be as popular in
England as Hail Columbian is in
the States.
A three-year old girl. while her
mother was trying to get her to sleep,
became interested i'll an outside
noise. When she was told that it
was made by a cricket. she said
II think he ought to be oiled"
"What did you think of.my train of
thought!" asked lecturer of a sup
posed friend. II thought it lacked
only one thing" replied the supposed
friend. "Ah" responded the de-
lighted lecturer, 'what was that?"
"A sleeping car" was the answer.
.'Friends," once said a clergyman
to number of people who had en-
tered his church for the purpose of
getting out of the rain, Il have often
heard of the church being used as a
cloak for ones sins, but this is the
first time I ever heard of it being
used as an umbrella"
A pretentious person to the lead
ing man of country village, How
would lecture by me on Mount
Vesuvius suit the inhabitants of
your village?" Every we'll, sir; very
well indeed" he answered. "A lee
tnre by You on Mount Vesuvius
would snit them a great deal better
than q lecture in this village, sir"
- There is a story of an imperial
highness waltzing thrice in the same
evening with an English lady at the
court in Berlin. She naturally felt,
and frankly confessed, herself highly
Aattered by the compliment. Il did
not intend it as a compliment" was
the answer. "Then," said the lady,
somewhat upset, ''your highness must
be very fond of dancing" II detest
dancing" was the still unsatisfactory
response. Updeterred by her i'll
success, our fair Englishwoman still
prosecuted her inquiries. "What,
then, may I ask, can be your imperial
highness' motive for dancing?"
Madame" was the exalted person
ages curt reply, 81 dance to per-
spire."
It is with some mothers in the
treatment of their children as with
fireworks. First the rock it and then
the stick
The prodigal son was content to
live on husks, and anybody who has
slept upon a country hotel bed will
realize that he had a pretty hard
"lay."
Telegraph blue" is new color.
1t is the shade of a mans face when
he gets a dispatch from his broker
asking for more margin.
*What under the sum-" asks the
Chicago Times, sis a cocktail?" A
cocktail, esteemed contemporary, is
not under the sun; it is under your
vest
Two Montana men, while sinking a
mine, broke into a subterranean
cavern filled with skeletons. From
the number Of dead heads in the pit
it must have been an old theater.
In MIR. Spurgeon's church in Lon
don the regular hearers absent them
selves one Sunday evening every
Aree months, and the house is giveI
up to strangers. But in many parishes
in this country the very same thine
is done every Sunday evening.
The question of how a young
couple can live on $15 a week, j!
being discussed in some of the papers
A Cincinnati deacon says 1t can't b,
done at all, as it would take SIS fo
rent, and 81 for beer and picnies
thus leaving only S3 for food ant
slothing.
Nothing is SO sxasperating," say
Calino, the French Mr.. Partingtou
"as to hold a lottery ticket and fine
that the next number has drawn
prize. But I've taken my precau
tions to prevent that always bu,
the two adjoining numbers as well!'
did you say, sir, that looked lik
that monkey in that cage over there I?
asked filkinson, in angry tones
NO, Filky," replied Fogg; Il simpl,
said that the monkey looked like YOU
and to tell the truth, / don't beiiev
the brute more than half liked
either"