The Indianapolis journal., 1883-04-27
COLONEL GUTRIPPAH.
His Limited Experience as a Church -t5oer-
His Preferences and Prejudices.
Chicago Inter Ocean.

His Limited Experience n Church -toer-
His Preferences and Prejudices.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
81 think, sab, / shall attend church to-
morrow" said Colonel Gutrippah from Ken
lucky, when he met the reporter yesterday.
Have you, ah, got society OF they Method
ist Church South, sab, in they cussed town?'
II don't think that denomination is repre-
sented here" said the reporter. do you
often attend church, Colonel?"
Not often, sab. Not often of late yeahs,
sab. | haven't been inside of a condemned
church since the wah sab. Befoh they wan,
sab, attended divine services quite often,
sab. Yes, it must have been as much as
twice. sah when Colonel Gutrippah saw
they condemned feathahs fly out of they
pulpitcushion, sab. They first time, sab,
was when | was christened, sab, and they
second time was when got married, sah."
"WhatY' exclaimed the reporter in great
surprise. "1s that the extent of your church
going?
That's all, sab. We all don't care much
for promiscuous society down Duh way, sah."
Then you like the Methodist church
South the best do you, Colonel?"
Yes sab, l always had a condemned ad-
miraton foh it, since they time Sherman
bombarded Atlanta. Do you all remembah
they timer"
The reporter had lively recollection of
being i'll the immediate neighborhood at
that time.
"Well, sab, Sherman give ouh people, no.
tice, sah I'll say that much foh Sherman 1t
was Sunday mohnin', sab, when they first
cussed shells was heaved ovah they fence.
Brothah Sanford was a Methodist preachah
sab, and he was obstinate man, sahi He
said he was going to preach sab. if they
cussed Yanks flung all they old iron in
America into Atlanta, sab. So this mohnin'
when | tell you about, sab, he rung they
Deli, and about a dozen people came to
church Brothah Sanford began something
1.-The this, sab: My dear brethren, pears like
we's going to have terrible hahd showah-
hahdest kind of showah-iron drops, each
one OF 'en as big as condemned camp ket-
tie. Under the cussed circumstances, is it
your pleasuah that the services should pro-
ceed?
zone old lady in back. pew took off her
bonnet and said: 'Amen Go on, Brothah
Sanford. Well stay by ye till yoh all hath
falls out"
THAT kind of encouraged Brothah San
ford and he said, L will make they sermon
brief, brethren and sisters. i shall divide it
into nineteen heads and to a certain extent
elaborate upon each one. concluding with
general summing up of they whole subject
and the unfortunate relations of we all with
they Yankee government. Firstly But
Brothah Sanford sort of hesitated at firstly,
ioh they came a ominous sound from they
trenches. Boom-bz-z-zz-z-z-b bangl!l
And every cussed light of glass in they
church broke out. They was one yelp from
the wimmen, when foh of 'em went abreast
outen the doh, and that was all He looked
outen they window and he see a cloud of
dust, but that soon settled. They was no.
body in they church but Brothah Sanford.
Boom bizzrzizriz-Bang! !! A seventy
foh pound shell exploded in they public
squah with fohce enough to make they
tl,nl1
afterwards that he did feel a little empty
about the stummick; but sense of cussed
duty, sab, Kept him at his post. He said:
"'In spite OF they interruption they sermon
will proceed
"And he went ahead, sab. They people
living neah they church could heah his
voice sab, at intervals until he had finished
firstly But just as he began on secondly
whooping big shell about the size of soap
bilin' kittle, sab, took away they steeple.
Brothah Sanford's sense OF duty didn't hold
out aftah that, sah He said:
lowing to the length of my moh n
in discourse, and certain circumstances
lude at present, 1 shall discontinue
at this point and take up the thread
of my argument at they evenin services
provdin theyse going to be held and by the
look Of things now, cuss me if think they'll
be enough left OF they church to pahboil a
q condemned possum'
80 Brothah Sanford put on his hat, sab,
and walked toward his bomb-proof in his
front yard, whah his family was already es-
tablished. He was cooler, sab, than spring
watah. On the road he met Deacon Hey
wood running across they road, sab, like
antelope, and Brothah Sanford said, in his
quiet way:
"'Good mohnin Deacon, I didn't see you
at church this mohnin. Family all well?
What tn he uOin this mnhnin9
deacon Haywood nevah stopped runnin.
"Brothah Sanford sab, Brothah Sanford,
sab, was brave man sab. He was raised in
Kaintucky, sab. Spill my Southern blood,
but that shows the effect of early training.
Let us take a cup of Bach Grass"