The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1883-03-08
condition Of the South, aud they ask mer
chants and planters to call n convention
and agltate the question throughout the
cotton belt.
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

II. ID. Means is exhibiting live
hcadlcss rooster in Marion.
= Matrimony is a great blessing be.
cause even blind man has his eyes open
after little while.
= a wise and good man does nothing
Tor appearance, but everything for the
sake Of having acted we'll.
= The Marion Mder SAYS hat some Of
the horse drovers who have visited that
section recently had their horses' teeth
hled To put the right age OH them. Many
purchasers have thus been swindled.
: The papers are all laughing because
Sunday School scholar, when asked
what was the best thing in the world,
answered PIE" They seem to think
nothing equal to whisky.
= The widows Of India having been
prevented by the tyrannous English from
cremnting themselves along with their
dead lords, have taken to second marri.
ages. They are determined to sacrifice
themselves somehow.
. Some one has said "If you want
to kcep town from thriving. go away
from home for your wares rather than
pb'yonize The business in tia .nidst.n
.his remark applies with even greater
force to country, especially one situa-
ted and endowed as our own is.
: When Mr.. Snaggs wants peace and
quiet OF an evening. while he sits and
thinks, he says to his wife: Now, my
dear talk to me, and amuse me p And
the blessed old dame Mt once loses all
capacity for thinking Of anything 10
say, and never opens her condemned
head.
= "A Scotchman, having hired himself
to farmer, had q cheese set down be.
fore him, that he might help himself,
After some time the master said to him,
SANDY you take long time to break.
last. In troth, MASTER" said Sandy.
"a cheese O this size is nae sac soon eaten
as yo may think"
Two philadelphia lawyers got into
street fight the other day. Each swore
II he had pistol he'd kill the other. At
spectators. When they found how anx.
ious the populace was to get rid of them,
they swore friendship and vowed to live
forever, TO spite the town.
=. An old bachelor, who wanted to in.
gratiate himself with rich widow, pre-
sented her with lap.dog, saying: II
nave trained him 80 perfectly that he
will eat off your hand" Eat off my
hand ?" exclaimed the widow. "I donjt
want my hand eaten off; and you needn't
think Of getting 1t in that way"
= An lrishman who had been con.
tending that mule was n nobler animal
than horse, said q mule had once saved
him from drowning. Glow was that,
Paddy ?' asked one Of the bystauders.
Faith, he gave ME such lick wild his
mind leg that he landed me on the other
side Of the canawl instid of in it,"
= lie stood on the post.ofTice corner
aud everybody knew him as q newly
married man. He had a far-away look
in his eyes and bit Of yarn on each of
the last two fingers of his hand, and kent
muttering to himself: "Chopping. bowl,
eggs, clothes line-that's the thumb and
the first two fingers. Now what did she
want on the other two fingers?"
:. Mrs. Peter Schinsky is one of those
ladies who take much better care of their
animal pets than they do of their chill.
dren. She has got pet poodle by the
name OF Fido. Yesterday, Mrs. Schin-
sEy's little boy. Bob. asked his mother:
| onAll give fluO tnls piece OF sugar he
Is begging for" "No, my child, it
might spoil his teeth eat it yourself,
Robby."
"A humane man grabbed a club,
jumped in and killed goat that was
chasing man who carried red hand.
kerchief in bis coat tail pocket, down
the street And the man came back and
asked him why he did it. "To save
you !" replied the humane man. "Save
me, be hanged !" cried the other; "Ive
just bought that goat and was coaxing
him home" y
= OF the 730 mnrders recorded for
the country last year 2i2 were commit
ted in the Southern States and, I31 were
committed in the State Of New York
alone. This is rather severe on Northern
statisticians who would locate all the
murders in tho South. 1t appears more.
over that, Of the executions for murder,
DALI OF them took place in tho South.
ihesc facts should be studied by the New
York Nation.
= An Arkansas editor who was elected
county judge some time ago did not ap.
prove of his own administration, and In
an able editorial written by himself said:
IL is with SORROW that we announce that
the county judge of this county
and the editor of this paper
is big fool" If he did but know il.
this man has arrived at degree OF
knowledge which would be worth mill.
ions at ones birth.TBoston Star.
- Washington correspondent Augusta
Chronicle: In the course of conversa.
tion,. the other day, Gen. Hampton told
ME that his grandfather raised the first
cotton crop ever harvested in the South.
The South Carolina Senator was once
experimenting the setting out some trees
when one big specimen leaned over and
hit the general so hard that he fell upon
the ground and for a moment was laid
out cold as wedge. Some months of.
terward, when Hampton was in Missis.
sippi, his South Carolina overseer wrote
, TO him that all the trees were growing
finely except the one that fell upon him.
"That," said the correspondent, "has
, never recovered from the Blow YOU gave
It,"
A wag was passing the residence of
wealthy citizen the other day and
noticed upon the door step dog with
about two inches of tail. He rang the
bell and inquired for the master Of the
house, but was informed that he was. at
dinner and could not be seen just then.
fNnr a