Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1883-09-13
A TReUsANp WIVES.


4 THOUSAND WIvEA.
''Sit down on the box" said the bo,
TO the grocery man. "What you need {
rest. Y0u are overwoFked. Your alleRe<
brain is equal to wilted lettuce. and 1
can devise ways and means TO hide rot
ten peaches under good ones. 90 a. K
cell them to blind orphans; but whsn 4
comes to RraspinR great questions you
small brain cannot comprehend them
Your brain may go up sideways TO .
great question, and rob against it, bu
Il cannot surround and grasp 1t. That
whore you're deformed. Now, IL Ia diff
ferent with me. ] can raise brain 4
sell TO you grocery men. Listen. Thii
Solomon In credited with being th<
visest MAD, and yet history says be hat
o thousand wives. Just think of IL
You have got one wife, and pa has 90,
one. and all the neikhbors have ons, /,
thsy've bad any kind Of luck. Doesn'
ooe wife make you pay attention
Wouldn't two wives break you all upi
Wouldn't three cause you TO see stars
How would ten strike your Why, mar
alive, you do not grasp the magnitude
Of the statement that Solomon had {
thousand wives. A thousand wives
standing sido by side, would react
about four blocks. Marching by fours
tt would take them twenty minutes q
pass given point. Tha largest summer
resort hotel only holds about 600 people
% Sol wouil have to hire two hotels II
he took his wives ont for day in the
country. II you would stop and thiuk
onoe In q while you wouid know more"
The grocery mans eyes began to stick
out AZ the bad boy continued, a. though
the statistics had never been brought "a
his attention before; but he was bound
70 stand BY his old friend solomon, and
he said:
"Wsll. solomon's wives must have
BEEN different from our wives Of the
present day"
"Not much" )" aaid the boy, a. he saw
he was pardlyzing the Rr0ceryman.
women have been about the same ever
dnes Eve. She got mashed ON the old
original dude, and IL stands 10 reason
that 6olomon's wives were no better
lhaa the mother Of the human race.
bsattstios show that ono woman out Of
every ten II red-headed. That would
R1vo 60lomO0 an even hundred red
headed wives. Just that hundred red
headed wives would be enough TO make
an ordinary man think there was . land
that IL fairer than this. Then tLers
would be, out Of the other nine hundred,
about three hundred blondes, and the
other six hundred would b brunettss,
and maybe he had q few albinos and
bearded women and fat women and
dwarfs. Now. those thousand women
bad appstites, desires for dress and style
the oAms 40 other women. Imagine
solomon saying to them, Girls, let's all
70 down to the i0e cream saloon and
have dish Of loo cream Gan you,
with your brain muadled with cod6sh
and new potatoes. realize the soeno that
would follow? Suppose, after 6olomon's
broom brigade had been seated In the
To- creamery, ono OF the red-hsaded
wives should oatoh Solomon winkin9 at
. slsanae girl at another table. You
may think Solomon did not know
enough TO wink, or that he WAS not that
kind Of 8 dirt, bat he musl have bseu,or
- could never have succeeded In marry
ING shonsand vives In spAr:sly sse-
tied country. No. cir, it looks TO me -
cd nasher. and from what ] have sesn
ef men being boassd around With one
vtfe. don't envy solomon with his
q vives coinr ana erdsrinc ran Son.
noHs. Nol6saCn vonid have "a s. 4 kinr
G 8 Vsnierbiit 10 stand it. Ms voars
Aye doIIar eilk stookinae. and d kioke
ovfully vhon The bill comes IN. Imaaino
0olounon puttinc M for q fev thoussnd
psirs OF six stockings. I sm alad you
VII Il down Nd rcasen with me il 4
rAtional way about some OF thsse Bible
otoTies that take my breath away. The
minister stands me on whom I tsy 10
0alk With him about suoh thinas, and
lolls NJ 20 study the parable OF the
Ho1inal Ban. and the dsaOous tell me
- Go and O6Nk nv head. There ID darn
Ntilo enoouraaomeut for . boy 10 try
ana nlufe ou1 thinQs. How Would you
hko @. hsyO 8 thousaud red-headed
wives oo0e Into the store this minute
anA tel Sou they wanted you 70 end
oaSsinass areond 10 The houss q throe
4'olook, % the1 euuld 70 fos . drivol
o. how would you like 10 have . hired
0ITI 0OU0A xUD0hn0 IN And tRI Won "A