The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-09-07
"UNCLE RUFUS"
The Heavy Pecuniary Drafts Made Upon
Him by the English Dudes.

The Heavy Pecuniary Drafts Made Upon
Him by the English Dudes.
Bismarck ID. t. Tribune.
Uncle Rufus Hatch is floundering about in
a tempestuous sea of trouble, with 10 wished
for land of promise in sight. He feels that
the alleged joys of this life are hollow
mockery-that life itself is a delusion and
snare When he first projected his excur-
sion he sent invitations 10 a number Of
prominent and presumably sensible English
men, and the invitations were accepted, but
when the time for departure came they each
sent representatives in the persons of their
dudish sons. These pale-skinned scions OF
nobility came across the bounding pillows,
were duly seasick, threw up everything they
had about their persons but their empty
tiles, and in time landed in New York and
set out upon the great trip.
Here the good uncle's troubles began. The
dudes were penniless and came over with the
impression that their entire expenses were
TO be borne by the protector of the excursion.
At every hating place they would purchase
articles and have them charged to Uncle
Rutus, until nearly every saloon and store
along the route had his honored name on its
memorandum slate. They bought every
thing from box of Goodyear's amber gum
drops to a corner lot, and in each instance
the price was set down opposite Rufuss
name.
He hoped to find relief when the park was
reached but there it came not The most
costly wines and liquors were purchased, out
of which the old gentleman solemny AYERS
he didn't get one square drink. Fine cigars
were handed around in the hotel parlors
while he sat out on the back stoOp and
smoked his clay pipe and reflected upon the
adamantine invulnerabiliLy of the imported
brand of dudish cheek. He saw financial
ruin staring him in the face, and wrote to
his wife to lay in coal for the winter while
his credit there was good. He told her that
If he never lived to get out OF the park she
could comfort herself with the reflection
that like an ilustrious predecessor, he died
that others might live.
In the desperation of despair he called the
dudes about him and told them that they
must leave him; that his funds were almost
gone; that his fortune of few days previous
was reduced to phantom. Then they threw
their arms about his neck and with eyes
riveted on the heavens swore that they would
never leave him in his adversely. They said
they would never dare to return to England
if a report should precede them that they had
deserted friend whose fortunes were failing,
and that they would stick to him as long as
he had dollar. They said they came as his
friends, and would be blawsted ingrates
to desert him because the tickle goddess had
ceased to smile upon him. They then went
into the bar, opened another basket of wine,
lit fresh cigars, had them charged to the
name the barkeeper had learned so well to
write, and said it was too deucedly blawsted
bad" but they'd stick to him to the last.
Then Uncle Rufus fed to a wild and rocky
canon and called for the rocks and hills to
fall upon and hide him from the wrath to
come, but the hills were immovable and the
rocks were on duty entertaining tourists.
He thought of drowning himself but feared
the trout would bite him so that his picture
wouldn't look we'll in the illustrated papers.
and if he threw himself from a cliff his man
gled remains would look offensive to the Wis
! itors who had sought his western paradise
He returned to the hotel, and there he re-
mains in lamentation and prayer, wishing
for cyclone to happen along and sweep the
whole outfit over into British Columbia. If
his reason holds out he may live to get back
TO New York, but the reflection that he must
move into a tenement-house and go to work
for a living, is not pleasant one. Poor
old Uncle Rufusl