Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-12-31
THINGS TO COME.
a Lecture IN the Future by the
"Right Very Honorable Erastus
Du Bif, LII. D."
ELime-Kiln Club


When the committee reached the ante-room
they found the Right Very Honorable bathed
In a cold perspiration and his paper collar fast
whiting away. He had an attack of what is
called "stage fright" and the committee had
to rub his back with a brick, pour cold water
down his neck, and lend him Is cents in
nickels before he could sufficiently command
himself to enter the hall. He finally appeared,
a rosy smile mortgaging his features and
his head nodding from one to another,
and was formally introduced by
the president. He seemed on the point
of willing again, but Brother Gard
ner whispered TO him that if he did he'd have
to go out of town on foot. and the warning
stiffened his legs and made a new mar of
him.
My frens,n he softly began, 81 reckon dat
mos OF you know what the word fuchur
means. 1t doant mean the huskin-bees of
las var, but it refers to goin' a-fishin' nex'
summer. De fuclur means dat which am
befor' US. We know what de past has brung
out. What VIII happen in de fnchur cannot
be known hut may be predicted. am heah
tonight to predict [Cheers from Elder
Toots.l
Il dc not say that de fuchur will see a
Guild man ~occupyin' de White House at
Washington, bat l predict dat if de norf pole
am ever diskivered it viii be by some mem
Der of the Lime-kiln club. IGreat ap-
plause.l
DE Guild man Of de fuchur may not be-
come world-renowned fur inventin' an 500
barreled cannon, but I see no reason why he
shouldn't bring 10th a steam b~ootiack or
diskiver q way to patch butes wild cold pan
cakes. [Cheers.I Steam belongs to de past.
A hundred vars hence it will be too slow fur
any bizness 'cept sawin' up wood fur poo
folks. [Agitation.l
I do not assert dat de fuchur viii do away
wild railroads, but de son of some pusson now
widin souud of my voice viii win fame by
inventin' some way of KILN de brakeman
who emagines dat his sole duty consists in
roastin' de passengers in each car. [Agita-
ton.
ID fuchur may not solve de problem of
flynn frew de air, but who kin tell what de
next fifty years may do towards improyin'
de hotel bed an de restaurant sandwich?
More agitation.l
To-day we stan an look IDOL de sewin'
masheen as p~erfeckshun. Fifty years hence
men VIII smile at de ideah of our bein' salts
fed wild any SIGH affair. A wife will take de
sewin' masheen of de fuchur an support a
lazy husban' and nine children widout
workin' ober two days in de week. [Groans
and signs.
de fuchur viii have a heap to do wild our
own ~perticklar race. De Samuel Shin of a
hundred Vars hence may be a city comp
troler; de Giveadam Jones will be president
of a college; de Pickles Smith will boss a
railroad, de Waydown Bebee will nave
his name mixed up wild a nashunal
bank; de Lord Nelson Slabs may command
an army an de Brudder Gardner will sit in
de gubner's room at de state house an SIGN
his ofhshul name to de bills passed by de
legislachur. Wild cheers. Wild desc few
impervious remarks I is dun. [Yelis.] Ire
turn my sympathetic adherence for de tyran-
! meal manner in which you has bestowed
your attenshun [yellsl an take my leave OF
you in de moas' mathematical tanner"
The closing remarks were greeted with
such a storm of applause as broke out sew
eral window panes and upset two lamps
! The honorable gentleman was then conducted
from the hall, and the collection taken W
for his benefit nettedh him the handsome sum Of
$3.50.