davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

above.
Halo, we're stuck" exclaimed the
squatter's conductor. "How can VIC get
out?"
"Dinged if | know. It's a pity, too, for
about ten miles from here is whar Ike
caught the whopper. Amt it, Ike?"
"Yes, pap"
Didn't he make you prance?'
Yes, pap"
SAY, you old seoundrel," called the
squatter's conductor; what made you get
us into such snap"
tDon't reckon you recollect when | rid
on your train; knowed I'd get you. In
this ncighborhood Pm knowed as old
Pizen Bill. | come 20 Arkansaw fore
the sun riz, an Pm coin' to stay here till
arter she sets. Don't sass me. III roll
a rock down on yol. What time will
you come to your gettin' off place, do
you reckon? You say it don't smell sat
isfactory down thar. Reckon not, fur
you are in the biggest buzzard roost you
ever seed. Well call by an'see me when
you git out. Good night"
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
Had and Would.
The Gent,eman's Magazine,

The colloquial use of the same con-
traction I'd for l had and would has
been extended imperceptibly into wri.-
ing and printing, with results that
threaten to supersedc would altogether
and to replace it most improperly by had.
Some of our ablcst writer's have fallen
into this inelcgancy, or allowed their
printers to do so--amopg others Mr..
Thackeray, who says in the "Virginians,"
II had rather have lost an arm, instead
of Il wonld rather have lost an arm !"
and Mr.. Carlyle, who has "A doom for
Quashee (the negro) which had rather
not contemplate" instead of would
rather not" Instances of this unneces-
sarv corruption of the word are to be
found as far back as the days of Shak-
speare, and century later in the usually
well-written and classical pages Of the
Tattler and Spectator. When had is fol-
lowed by the word better, as in the
phrase, "you had better" it il an i'm
proper substitute for would, though "you
had better do so and 80" has the small
advantage of being more laconic than the
SYNONYMOUS phrase, at would be better
If YOU did so and So" When had is fol-
lowed by have, its use is stu more un-
grammatical. Thus, when the Times,
March -, 1879, says: "Sir Wilfred Law
son had better have kept to his original
proposal" it means that 'Sir Wilfred
Lawson would have done better to keep,
or to have kept, to his original proposal" !"
SO also the Spectator, March 2, 1879,
when it wrote, ''The motion had better
be withdrawn" was guilty Of a permits
SADLY collaquialism, but was dramatically
incorrect, and should have written at
would be better il the motion were with
drawn" In like manner the Examiner
fell into the prevalent carelcssness " hen
it wrote March ., 1879, "Ifthc University
of London, after an existence of 40 years,
cannot produce competent man, 1t had
better cease to exist"
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
silence
Youths Companion.

A suggestive scene was witnessed, not
long since, in the corridor of a New York
hotel. Several young men from the
south who had been long enough in the
city TO acquire the dress and manners Of
dudes" were talking politics.
Their conversation indicated that they
prided themselves on not being yet re
constructed" and that the possibility of
anothe. war between the north and the
south was topic of agreeable specula-
ton. Several boasts were made by the
young gentlemen of what they would do
in the way of fighting should civil war
again break out.
The talk of the youthful Hotspurs was
so loud that it compelled the attention of
a group of gentlemen standing near. One
of the group paused in his conversation,
and suddenly said to his friends:
Excuse me, but think | have little
work to do over there"
Joining the young men, he said, II
think, gentlemen, from your conversa-
ton, that you were too young to join the
Confederate army, while the late war
was being fought"
The Young men assented 10 this re
mark, and he continued, "Well, then,
let me tell YOU that you have been talk
ing about an event of which you know
little was there, and ] had all the
fighting that wanted or shall want for
the rest of my life"
"Who are you, sir ?" asked one of the
young men, irritated at the strangers
words.
81 am Joseph f. Johnston, sir" and
he rejoined his friends.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
Pacific Coast Perils.
Virginia City (NeyN Enterprise

Virginia City New Enterprise.
In hundreds of places on the Pacific
coast are the so-called "craters of extinct
volcanoes" So far as can be seen; these
craters are really extinct at the surface,
but deep in the bowels of the earth their
fires are probably only slumberinc. In
the Bishop Creek country are many such
volcanoes, and some of them seem to
have been pretty lively less than hun
dred years ago, Judging from the fresh
appearance of the lava streams on their
sides. But, TO come nearer home, there
is an old crater on the big mountain
above American Flat, surrounding which
are immense fields of lava.
Lake Tahoe ITSELF as all gcologists
agree, occupies 4 immen'e g volcanic crat-
er. This "a ;,ns for the immense depth
of the lake in ia, central parts. Though
these craters az spoken of as extinct, no
one can say when volcano is dead. A
volcano that has slumbercd for untold
ages is liable to suddenly start into life
and destroy everytl ~ in its neighbor-
hood. The great ilcano of Vesuvius.
now constantly active, was described by
ancients as a hat-toppcl mountain, con-
tanning deep circular valley filed with
vines and grass. They did not even sus-
pect it of being a volcano. A large popu-
lation lived on the sides Of the mountain,
which was covered with beautiful groves.
So little was the terrible nature of the
valley on the top of the mountain sus-
pected that, in A. ID. y, Sparitcus en-
camped there with thousands of fighting
men. Only seven years later-in A. ID.
79-occurred a sudden eruption that
blew out the whole top of the mountain
BY this outburst Pompeii and Ilerculan-
cum were overwhelmed.
The present is time of great electric
al and subterranean disturbances. We
hear of great earthquakes and of volcan
oes starting into life in all parts of the
world. Even here at home. in Califor-
ni9, there have recently been many Sc
we're earthquakes, the first in nearly
twenty years that have shown the old
time force. Almost any day the tremen-
lpiS NoiN anu tileit iltS
Lake Tahoe is liable to assert itself At
the first burst all the water in the lake
would be blown thousands of feet into
the air, and with the water all the steam
boats, sail-boats and row-boats. Up into
the clouds would not only 90 all the
boats on the lake, but also all the fish in
its waters, with millions of tons of bowl
ders, gravel and sediment from the bot
tom of the old crater OF course the sud-
den emptying of the basin of the lake
would be bad for Reno, but its fate could
not be worse than the cities of Pompeii
and lIerculaneum; besides what are a
few human babitations or a few human
beings in great commissions of nature
Vines and grass grew over the crater OF
Vesuvius and soldiers campcd in The
beautiful basin, but of sudden vines,
grass and all were shot thousands OF feet
into the air. Over the Tahoe crater is a
| beautiful pool of water, in which are
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
He Proposed to Drown His Sorrow.
Texas siflings.

A dilapidated stranger called on an
Austin philanthropist and revealed tale
of woe, want, misery and detection. AT
the conclusion he said:
Would you think me at all lacking in
philosophy if | should drown my sorrow
in the flowing bowl?"
The Austin philanthropist looked at
him few moments and then said hur-
riedly:
Come let's go and take a drink"
The stranger quickly surrounded the
contents of full glass of whisky. Then
he looked appealingly at the philanihro-
pist and observed;
'One doesn't usually effect me-"
"Well, fill up another; I've had
enough" said the benevolent citizen, at
the same time starting toward the door.
"Hold on" said the sorrowful man.
"Hold on. Where are you going?"
"IIome."
"Ddn't You bring me down here to
drown my sorrow"
"Yes."
"Well, of course, you know man can't
drown unless he goes down three times.
'Sav, YOU fill EN- up again."
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
A Turtle as Large as a House.
Toledo Telegram

Capt. Augustus q. Hall and the crew
of the schooner Annie L. Hall vouch for
the following: On March 80, while on
the Grand Bank, in latitude 60 degrees
10 seconds, longitude SO degrees, they
discovered an immense live trunk turtle,
which was at first thought to be vessel
bottom up. The schooner passed within
twenty-five feet of the monster, and
those on board had ample opportunity to
measure its dimensions by comparison
with the length Of the schooner. The
turtle was at least iorty feet long and
thirty feet wide from the apex of .he
back TO the bottom of the under she'll
The fippers were twenty feet long. II
was not deemed advisable to attempt its
capture.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

In an exhaustive work upon the fishes
of Cuban waters, Senior Felipe Poey has
described 7S2 distinct varieties.
Raphael's celebrated easel picture OF
apollo and Marsyas" has been sold by
Mr. Morris Moore, of New York, to the
French government for 10000 frrncs.
Mr.. Scott Leighton, the noted Ameri-
can artist, has commenced plowinp
scene, showing team of four horses. II
bids fair to be one of the strongest pic
lures ever finished in this country.
At a recent Photographic exhibition in
London there was examined new form
of lamp for taking portraits at night
Magnesium wire is burned in oxygen,
and the light given is sufficiently intense
to allow of a picture being taken in a
fraction OF a second.
Mons. j. Foussereau has proven that
the tempering of glass diminishes the re-
slstance of that substance to electricity
and consequently lessons its efficiency
for insulating purposes. On the other
hand, annealing tempered glass restores
its higher resistance.
Two successful aerial trips have been
made 10y Mons. Pompeieu with an elon-
gated balloon, and on the ascent change
IN the course of the air ship was obtain
cd by simply moving a rudder with
which it had been provided.
A German has invented a safe which
has an attachment that, on being touched
Immediately flares an electric light on
the scene, and at the same time uncovcrs
a prepared plate, on which 'he burgla :
photograph is taken while an alarm IS
sounded.
In a paper read to the Paris Academy
on Sciences, Mons. Musset states that
plants very sensitive to light and heat
were grown from seeds in pots occupying
a very dark place. They were then on
three nights exposed to direct moonlight,
when the stems bent over toward the
moon and followed ii in its course.
Drs. Sitherwood and Hanlan have ex-
pressed the belief that excessive mental
work produces a rapid decay of the teeth.
As another explanation of the alleged
fact, another writer suggests that the
overworked brain steals all the phos-
p'idt'S anu ltdNts none Iof tne teetn, or
or else that too much study causes the
general health to deterierate.
The Louvre has been presented with
Eugene Delacroix's huge painting of the
"ShiI wreck Of Don JUAN" for which
10000 francs were offered some wears
ago. The picture is taken from the
second canto of Byron's poem, and repre-
sents disRasted boat tossing on tenn
pestuous sea, while the starving occu-
pants are drawing lots to decide who
shall die to satisfy the Others hunger.
Scientific men Of all ma ions are invited
TO compete with the Volta prize SO, 600
francs, or S6,000-of the Academy of Sci
ences, Paris, to be awarded in December,
1887 This prize was founded by the Ie-
cree of June II, 1889, and is for the dis
covery or invention of whatever shall
render electricity applicable economical
ly to one of the following objects: Heat
light chemical action, mechanical force.
the transmission of messages, or the
treatment of sick persons.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
PUCK'S FAMILY SCRAP-B00K.
Never fry steaks.

Never fry steaks.
Never serve fish under-done.
To keep milk fresh never put any salt
in it.
Never cook crullers in hair-oil. II
spolls the hair-o.l.
To remove paint from the window-sills
use a jack-plane.
To permanently remove grcase-spots
from clothing, cut them out.
A glossy black kitten makes splen-
did substitute for silk hat brush.
Never throw away an old felt hat
keep it to stuff in broken window
pane.
To keep moths out Ct your winter
clothes, give them to your poor relatives.
Muriatic acid, poured on geranium-
plants will eat them up in few min
utes.
Never open sardine boxes with the
scissors, or attempt to clean fish with q
razor.
In n'aking lemonade, be sure and use
lemons, and in constructing clam-chow-
der, don't refrain from using a few CLANS
An old suspender nailed up against
the side of the window makes good
substantial razor-strap.
II you would keep your hens from
scratching up your flowers, put miniature
boxing-gloves on them.
To wash a mule with safety, do it with
a carden-hose, and stand on TIE other
of the fence.
To clean eve glasses, use the corner of
your silk handkerchief bnt never allow
your wife to use the latter on the dishes.
A porcelain kettle that has sprung a
leak is Just the thing to fill with earth,
and set out on the lawn, full of plants,
after it is painted green.
If you wish a good, durable spring for
the front gate, secure boarding house
steak, cut it in strips and fasten the ends
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

beautiful fishes, and on which are steam
ers and vessels of all kinds, but the
whole is as mere bucket of water COM
pared with the great power that lies he
low-pop, bang and all is in the air, and
the throat of the crater is again red hot
as in ages past. All this may not come
to pass this Summer, but is is bound to
be seen sooner or later-it is only a mat
ter of time. In case the injection he fol-
lowed by miShty column of fire and
flames, the water may be turned to steam
Gn falling back before reaching the
ground, and so Reuo would escape
drowning, and the place only be covered
by forty or fifty feet of molten lava.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
Keats His Own Record.
Detroit Post.

Mr.. II. has required such habit of us
ing proiane terms that he sometimes
puts his own language into the mouths
of others with very peculiar effect, as, for
instance, when he said to the minister
"l told my wife you were going to have
a festival in the church and would ex-
pcct her to send in half barrel of
doughnuts, and | asked her il she was
going 10 do it,
"Ah and what did she say, brother ~
"She said not by a d-----d sight but
she will, she will that's the talk at fustr'
Another time he was telling what a
smart child his little boy was.
81 gave him a quarter and told him
when he went to church to put it in the
contribution plate, and you ought TO have
seen him look at me and ask: What in
HI do you take me for, papap Ha
ha ha it Just doubled me up
II is needless to say that he does the
swearing for the entire family.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

To ventilate stairs and passages, open
the staircase or passage window, or both,
by drawn down the top sash several in
ches in summer. one or more inches in
winter, and in some cases screw the sash
fast, so that these windows must be open
all the year round if there is skylight
above the staircase, let there be ventila-
ton here which cannot be closed. The
result will be improved health TO the
family. Pay no attention TO any casual
remark, "How cold your staircase is T"
Let them put on an extra shawl. But the
remark will seldom be made.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
A HATEFUL MAN.

Safe a fair and stately maiden
At the play,
And the hat she was arrsycd in,
with its crimson feathers laden,
1t way gay.
OH its many ribbons futtered
In the air,
while the msn behind her muttered,
And with every word he uttered
Was a swear.
Then uprosc the ready curtain
ON the stage,
Aud our hero was uncertain
If an angry word he'd blurl in,
In a rage.
Or endure the huge obstruction
To the eye,
And without an introduction
Try TO Offer some ins,ruc ion
On the sly.
no ihuiknhutly nc ey tu u,
At his feet
flopped a ribbon; when he spied IL
He soon seized and firmly tied it
To the scat.
Then he sat in expectation,
Full of glee;
And in fiendish exullation
At the scene Of devastation
He should see.
And when she arose dcmurcly,
Came yell;
For the hat was on securely,
And the people thought she surely
Was unwell
But the hairpins couldn't stanl it,
And in spite
The depravcd and wicked bandit
who Indignantly had planned il,
Grinned delight.
For her hair stuck to the bonnet
Like wise
Left her head with nothing on il,
And the people gazea upon it
In surprise.
bid her sorrow agiiaie her
All the while?
Did she " ish the cruel traitor
At the bottom Of a crater?
! should smile
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
Advertising che.s.,t.

1T has become so common TO write
the beginning Of an article, in an ele-
CANT interesting manner,
Then run it into some advertisement
that we avoid all such,
"And simply call attention to the mer-
its of Hop Bitters in as plain, honest
terms is possible,
10 induce people 81
"To give them one trial, which so
proves their value that they will never
use anything else"
"THE REMEDY SO favorably noticed in
all the papers,
Religious and secular, is
Having large sale, and is supplant.
ing all other medicines.
"Therc is no denying the virtues Of
the Hop plant, and the proprietors of
Hop Bitters have shown great shrewd-
ness tI
"And ability
''In compromising a medicine whose
virtues are so palpable TO every one
observation.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

A tablespoonful of black pepper STIR
red in the first water in which grey or
buff linens are washed, will prevent the
coiors from running. or having the arti-
Gle clouded or faded. lack-pepper will
also prevent the color from running in
black or dark -colored hosiery, calicoes
or cambrics, and also from staining the
skin. The pepper will not injure tn /.
soapsuds in which they are TO be washed.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

When you visit or leave New York city,
save baggage expressage and carriage hire,
and stop at GRAND UNION HOTEL, oppo-
site Grand Central Depot; 600 elegant rooms,
fitted up at a cost OF 81 200, 900, reduced 10
81 and upwards per day. European plan.
Elevator. Restaurant supplied with the
best. Horse cars, stages and elevated rail-
roads to depots. Families can live better
for less money at the GRAND UNION HOTEL
than at any other flrst-cass hotel in the city.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

THE voLTAIc BELT Co. Marshall, Mich,
will send DR.. Dyes Celebrated Electro-Vo oil
taic Belts and Electric Appliances on trial
for thirty days to men (young or old) who
are afflicted with nervous debility, lost VI
taity and kindred troubles, guaranteeing
speedy and complete restoration OF health
and manly vigor. Address as above. N. b.
No risk is incurred, as thirty days trial is
allowed.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
A Daughters Miserx!

DaUghfer's M1sery!
"EleveL years our daughter suffered on
a bed of misery.
From complication of kidney, liver
rheumatic trouble, and Nervous debility.
Under the care of the best physicians,
"Who gave her disease various names,
"But no relief, -,f
"And now she is restored to us in good
health by as simple remedy as Hop Bit
tiers, that we had summed for years before
using it."-THE PARENTS.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

SUMNER HEAT.-This is the season for
Bowel Complaints. Green apples and GU
cumbcrs cause them, and Perry Davis Pain
Killer cures them. Try 1t and you will be
convinced.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

The trouble in the Moorestown, N. j.,
Methodist Episcopal Church, has result
ed in the withdrawal of about half the
congrcg cation, and the organization of a
new religious society.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

A Baptist congregation in Chicago has
been paying soprano $1,000 year, or
S. hymn.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

Restless fretful crying children, are suffering
and need for their relief DIR. WINCHELLS
TEETHING SYRUP which Ia useful not only for
all the disorders of teething infants but cures
coughs colds, Group, sore throat collie and cramps
Of older children. and should be kept in every
house for emergencies try 1t, only Is cents. Sold
by all druggists.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

are carried of by consumption. The most fire.
quent cause Ii neglected cold. cough hoarseness,
bronchial trouble or asthma, all of which may be
permanently cured by EILERT'S EXTRACT OF
TAR AND WILD CHERRY. Sold by druggists.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

An experienced gardener says that
February is the proper month for graft
ing the cherry.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

We can insure any pers m having a bald head
or trouhed with dandruff, that Carboline, de-
odorized extract Of petroleum, will Co all that Ia
claimed for it. II will not stain the most delicate
fabric, and is delightfully."- periumed
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

EIYTON, KY.-Dr. Il. b. sWeathcrs
says: ~ regard Browns Iron Bitters as a
medicine OF unusual WORTH
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

A farmers wealth depends on the condition Of
his stock. When scraggy and feeble they are es-
pecially adapted to distempers, fevers, colds and
all diseases which destroy animals. Thousands
Old standby UNCLE SANS CONDITION POW.
DER,
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

The Army end Navy Liniment takes the sore
ness out of spawn, ringbone, splint or curb, and
arrests the tir growth. Cures collie. scratches and
othe diseases. For particulars see advertisement
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

The Methodists of Allahabad, India,
have been holding street professions,
with music and banners.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

WoIFEsvu.LE, N. C.-Dr. I. G. Me-
Laughlin says: "I used Browns Iron Bit
tiers for vertigo and now feel like a new
man -
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

Pure Cod-Liver OIL made from selected livers
on the sea-shore, by CAswELI., HAZARD a Co., New
York. 1t is absolutely pure and sweet Patients
who have once taken IL prefer It to all Others
Physicians have decided 1t superior 10 any Of the
other oils in market,
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
Did She Die?

"Nol"
"She fingered and suffered along, pin
ing away all the time for years."
'sThe doctors doing her no good;;"
"And at last was cured by this Hop
Bitters the papers say so much about"
Indeed! Indeed" .s
"How thankful we should be for that
medicine"
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

".Samdritdn Nergias cured me OF genera
debility and dyspepsia, writes Michael
O'Connor, Galesburg, III. Get at your
Druggists
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
10 Nerchants and Farmcrr.

An effort is making to build church
for deaf mutes in Philadelphia.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

The man who had a fat woman for his
wife is now courting girl called Lena.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

THE habit of running over boots or shoes cor
fected with Lyons Patent Heel Stiffeners.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

An economical man will keep the leather ofhis
harness soft and plable which preserves y from
cracking or ripping He always uses UNCLE
SANS HARNESS OIL. Sold by all Harness
Makers.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

Chapped Hands, Face, Pimples, and rough
Skin, cured by using JUNIPER TAR soar, made by
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

When your wifc's health is bad, when
your children are sickly, when you feel
worn out, use Browns Iron Bitters.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

Worms cause pevishness, fevers, commissions
and frequently death. A pleasant, safe and Ger.
tain remedy Is DR.. JAQUES GERMAN WORN
CAKES. Sold by all druggists.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

"BUCUU.PATBA.v Quick, complete cure, all an
noying Kidney and Urinary Diseases. o..
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

shaky, scrawny, diseased persons find
friend In Samaritan Nerrine. 81 80 Of drug.
gists.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

To break up hens nest huil half a
dozen bricks into il.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

CROUCH ON RATS.v Clears out rats, mice, aies,
roaches. bed bugs. ants. vermln. chpmunks. 1Sc.
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04
Father is Getting Well.

"My daughters say:
How much better father Is since he used Hop
Btteis" j.. -f-
''He is getting well after his long suffering from
diseasc declared incurable." 4.f :. ~
And We are SO glad that he used your Bitters."
"A r. A af
The Osceola times., 1883-08-04

To Merchants and Fnrmers.
Send address TO the Mutual Manufacturing
Co., No. 0 Wabash Avenue, Chicago, and
receive by return mail circular and sam.
pie Of the cheapest and best barbcd wire
ever made.