The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1883-04-13
WHY WE LAUGH.
Musicians are in the habit of slurring
some notes; but they all speak we'll Of green
backs.-N, o, PicdUrae.

Musicians are in the habit of slurrlng
some notes; but they all speak we'll of green
backs.-N. o. Picayme.
A new song just published and dedicated
to young Gebhart, is entitled "Langtry's
'dude'-'ll Landy. dy."-Roehester Post Express.
The New York Sun thinks it is impossible
for man to "fy like bird, bat so long as
he can fly like bank cashier he ought to be
reasonably satisfied.
Washington has lower death rate than
seven Of the leading cities in the United
States. That is easily explained. All the
inhabitants are office holders.-Ha,okeye.
A Philadelphia organist has been discharg-
ed for playing (though very slowly and
solemnly) march from an opera bouffe.
Seventeen deacons recognized 1t at once
Phiid. Ne,rs
When man is dismissed from employ
ment he always has good deal to say against
his late employers. A man, in fact, Is like a
gun, he makes great noise when he Is dis
charged.-Boston Transcript.
Recent experiments have demonstrate
that the day is not far distant when people
will be able to order their tea direct from
China By telephone. This is the age of wire
and windy. Y. Advertiser.
The editor wrote that "he was a member
of an old family of musicians and when it
appeared in the paper it read, "a member Of
an old family of nusances." One assertion
was nearly as true as the other but the cdi-
| tor nearly swore.--Nor. Herald.
A bright little three year-old likes very
much to 60 to church, and especially enjoys
the singing. One day the choir sang, Crock
of Ages Cleft for Me-" and after she got
home, the little one was heard singing very
seriously, Crock the babies, kept for me."-
Exchange.
Anna Z. Ham wants a divorce from Thos.
B. Ham, in the Virginia court. "Whole hog
or none," will be Annals motto hereafter.-
Courier. We aivise the porkreacher who
got this of to chop Oil his system If he ex-
poets to save his bacon. We never sausage
fearful stuff.--Madisonian Oh, Lard!
An Ohio man drowned himself three
weeks after marriage. As lie had not yet
commenced to pay for his wife's clothes the
cause of his rash act is unknown; but IL Is
possible that an injudcious friend, few
years married, let him see his wife's millin-
cry bills.-Norristovn Herald.
The belief that the people Of Pompeii cul-
tivated watermelons is strengthened by the
discovery, IN the course of recent excavations
there, of the remains of man with his hands
clasped across his stomach. There was moth
Ing, however, to indicate that he was of
African descent.-Brooktyn Eagle.
Scene. editorial room: Enter distinguished
visitor-"Allow me to look through your
exchanges a moment?" Scissors fend--
"With pleasure. / think you can look
through this one quite easily. I've cut seven
teen articles out of it," ayes, yes, thanks;
but can borrow window sash at any car
penter shop."--Hartford Post.
man up town made a wager with lady
that he could thread a needle quicker than
she could sharpen lead pencil. The man
won--time, fourteen minutes and forty-two
seconds. 1t is thought the result would have
been different II the woman had not run out
of lead pencil inside of five mlnutes.--Nor.
Herald. -...
Since the floods in Cincinnati aud the ho.
tel fires in the other places, IL has almost
been impossible TO suit hotel guests. They
want rooms above the high water mark and
below The fire line, and finally the hote! pro-
prietors compromise by hitching u skiff to
every window, so in case Of fire or water a
guest could paddle his own canoe.--P Peck's
Sun,
A little boy, when picking the dIumsticks
OF chicken, swallowed one of the tendons,
and was very nearly choked. The tendon
was, however, with great difficulty extracted
from the little fellows throat, when he ex-
claimed: "Oh, mamma, 1t wasn't the Chick
abiddys fault; it was because cook forgot to
take off its gaters."
Two countrymen came to lawyer a. con-
suit about bringing a joint suit against a
neichbor. The first granger began to tell |
the lawyer the cause of the difficulty, en-
bellishing IL rather liberally. "Dun't tell |
him any lies, Bill" interrupted the other |
sit Is his business to put in the lies. You |
will get him confused If you 60 to mixing |
your lies with hls."-Erchange.
Not long since the members of the New |
York Medical Club were summoned to at
tend a regular meeting at DR.. Payne's In |
the following classic style: &" Sciens, Social
ite, Sobriete. Doctores Ducum mex mundi |
nitu Panes; triticum at ait. Expecto meta
fumen tn te and eta beta pi. Super attento |
uno Dux humer clam patti, sum parates,
homine, ices, jam, etc. Sderor Hoe. Festo |
resonan foas SOLE"
An old married man was sitting ir Geor-
gia railroad car the other day, just behind
Judge Davis and his bride. Leaning over
tsward the prettiest girl in that car, Davy
said In his tenderest murmur: "Whos q
little lamb ?" And Addie dropped her beau
tiful face upon his ten-acre breast, where her
cheeks glowed like crimson popies In newly
laundried wheat-field, and whispered:
"Bofe of u.s." And oh! If that old married
man in the next seat wasn't just disguised.
-Ha,okeye.
Rise and fall of circulation: "Your cir
culstion Is increasing all the time, under
stand, said gentleman to an Arkansas edi-
cor. "Oh, yes; beats anything you ever saw.
Why. sir, when / started ap the Bloom the
people said it couldn't live two months, but
| whooped the thing up. Never saw circu-
lation increase so fast" II am glad to hear
it. You borrowed $40 from me some time
ago, YOU remember, and haven't asked
you for IL. because wanted to let yon get q
start" "Yes, as | was saying, the circula-
tion increased with rash. but now its gone
down TO almost nothing. g."-Arkansac Trar-
efey.