Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1883-07-26
Mr. and Mrs. spoopendyI.e.

NlS7est.-ce .-1f' ny NN'-'' - y
down stairs in the psrlor. lie has come to
take dinner with u.s.
"Great gracious !" exclaimed Mrs. spoo-
pendyke, dropping her-work and. bnstling
up-to .he glass Ioarrange her hair what
did he come to-day for? Don't he know its
wash day?"
"He came for dinner retorted tNlr.
Spoopendyke, turning pale around the lips.
's,What dye s'pose he came for, to be wash
ed? Think the man can be soaked in tub
and hung over the clothes line with measly
wooden pin astride the small of his back?
Well, he didn't he care for grub, and you
want TO hustle around and get itpEetty live
" for him, or Ill begin to serve UP things
myself before long"
4" But. my dear" demonstrated Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke. " there's nothing in tho house =
The clothes-"
"Then serve up the clothea" roared Nr.
Spoopendyke, who had utterly forgotten the
day Of the week when he invited his friend,
and now wanted his wife to set out Of the
scrap, somehow, nnd Mt tic same time let
him down with Spocklewottlc. just put
the clothes on . platter and set 'em before
him ~
"You don't imagine he would want to eG;
the clothes, do you?' asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, innocenuy.
Just try him. yelled. Nr. .spooPen-
dyke, enragcd at the idea of being taken
literally. Just try him and sling in some
of the natural grace You always put on at
the table Mr. Specklewottle, have some
of this fricasecd petticoat?" and Mr.. sPoo-
pendyke held out the legs Of his trousers ss
4 woman holds her skirts and waltIed around
the room. "Mr. specklewottle, have a it-
tie of this poached night-shirt? Now, Mr..
Specklewottle, do try. one of thoso, fried
socks. .sa1d = slice Of pillow shan Dear
Mr.. Specklewottle, pray let me help you to
a piece of his,shirt and $. pair of stuffed
cuffs! made them myself and though
they are not as good ss-thsts the way to
do it" continued Mr.. Spoopendyke sudden
" concluding his remarks with war whoop
and presenting himself before his. wife all
out Of breath. Think you've got that bill
of fare al right See your way to sue
cessful dinner party now"
There's some cold shad down stairs, and
| think there is q raw ham ia the cellar"
ruminated Mrs. Spoopendyke, regarding her
husband with a startled look.of inquiry, as
if he thought SpecklewottIe woudmind the
meat being raw aud the fish tEiae cold.
That's what he wanta I" ho~led Mr.
spoopendyke. Bring forth the shad that
froze to death in thehouseof Spoopendyke
Produce the ham with a cFumpled HORN that
MIXED the shad that froze to death in the
house of spoopendyke! Develop the mea-
slv banquet and le. JOY be unconhned =
Amt We got any more sense than a bung-
hole? Think I'm going to bring the ari'toc-
racy here to fatten on dead fish and live
hogs? How long are you going toilet that
man sit down stairs in state Of starvation?
Where's that roast beef brought home the
other day."
Il think VIC ate that all the day it came
home" sighed Mrs. spoopendyke. Do
you mean that roast with the queer little
sticks in it?'
"The same" replied Mr.. spooPcndyke,
nervinr himself for another ordeal. Did
We eat the sticks? Am | to understand
that there is not orc little dodgasted stick
left of all that afluent luxuriousness? Lift
the impenetrable vail Of obscuri'y of the
secluded bower of the shrinking sticks,' be
yelled. as it dawned on him that sPeckle-
wottle was in the pe,lor waiting 70 be fed,
and that the social problem was no nearer
solution than when he started. Let US un-
ravel the mystery that hangs ike pail
over the unhappy sticks, that they may
come forth and dnourish specklowottle," D." and
in tic excess f his emotion Mr. sp6open-
dyke gasped for breath, and resting his
hands on his knees, looked as II he were
inviting his wife to i little sauc af leap
frog.
"There's some lettuce in the house, and
I bought some strawberries to-day, and /
could cook the ,teak / had saved over for
breakfast" murmured Mrs SPoopendyke
coming out triumphantly at the end, woman
like "And will put on my new wine
colorc5 satin, and we viii give him nice
sufper.'
"Going to pat that wine colored satin on
the shad or ham ~ howled SpooPendyke,
who had mans idea that n dinner il not q
dinner until it is roasted Think J
brought that man here at six o'clock in the
afternoon 10 take breakfast Got some
Kind Of q notion that cold fish. raw ham,
worny lettuce, green strawberries and
fried cow are going TO satisfy the cravings
of a man who has just wou bet Of din
ner on" but here Mr. Spoopendyke stop
ped short. The last revelation was unin-
tentionsl.
-" Was il q bet, dear?" liked Mrs. sPoop-
oadyke, opening her eyes il astonishmeni.
"If ] had known that ard you had given
me time, I would have had nice supper
for you. really think"
"That settles it." squceled Mr sPooPen-
dyke mad at himself for what he had d.
vulred and angrier still as be must ex-