The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1883-11-28
HuNInROus VARIETY.

The wrong man in the write place
the inefficient clerk.
For the boys. Student Ito chumJ-
When get done eating always leave
the table," Chum-"Yes, and that is all
you do leave"
There are teeming millions of people
in Europe and there are teaming thOus-
ands in the lumber regions of this cOun-
try.-0il City Derrick.
III fill the Bill" said Willie when he
got into his mothers preserve closet.
"And foot the BILL" remarked papa,
OverheaTing his sOlilOquy.
A young girl should never eat per-
simmons. They pucker up the mouth so
that one cannot help but accept the in
vitatiOn.-Philadelph Call.
An old Grecian philosopher advises all
men to know themselves. That's adVis-
ing good many to form very low and
disreputable acquaintances.
A blue-stOcking has written an essay
on "the disadvantage of being pretty"
Most girls are gOOd-natured and willing
to put up with the disadvantages.
Never interrupt woman when she is
scOlding. broken rail has been known
to wreck train and If you break her
rail it will certainly interrupt her train
of thought.
Another "Old shoe house" has failed
| This should teach manufacturers the
folly of embarking in the business of
making old shoes. 1t doesn't pay
NOrristOwn Herald.
A Philadelphia lawyer, too proud to
allow his friends to suppose that he
practices in the divorce courts, adver-
| tises "Misfit marriages a speciality
Philadelphia Item.
A wit driving in the country one day
observed notice beside fence, Beware
of the dog" There not being any signs
of a dog, the wit wrote on the board,
Ware be the dOg?"
| Somebody, who writes more truthfully
than POLITICALLY, says: "An angel with
out money is not thought so much of
nowadays as devil with a bag-ful of
guineas. s."-ChicagO Tribune.
A man in Connecticut has brought
suit against number of people for
giving him coat of tar and feathers.
| We know man who was put to pitch
at the Boston base ball grounds and got
| $4,000.
"HOw is the earth dividedp asked a
pOmpOus examiner, who had already
worn out the patience or the class. by
earthquakes" replied one boy, after
after which the examiner found that he
had enough of that class.
A Lynn clergyman tells young men
to choose their associates from a class
higher than their own. The better ad-
vice would be to so conduct themselves
that there should be no class higher
than their Own.-LOwell Courier.
The idea of congratulating man be-
cause he has reached his 10th birthday,
as though that was anything to be joy
GUS about. Now, If the man could only
| reach his 10th birthday again theTe'd be
something to fetch the band out for.
''I thought" remarked the victim,
after the dentist had dragged him
around the room several times, 81
thought you advertised to extract teeth
| without pain. so l do, sir" replied
the operator blandly, sit doesn't hurt
me at ALL
1t was at the close of the wedding
breakfast. One of the guests arose, and,
| glass in hand, said: 81 drink to the
health Of the grOOm-may he see many
days like this" The intention was good
but the bride looked as if something had
displeased her.
''steam is great thing" remarked
French traveller in railway carriage to
his vis-a-Vis. $50 it is" was the reply.
Il owe my fortune to it," Monsieur is
manager of a company" "NO." "An en-
| gineer, peThapsP" "NO; l have lost a
number of rich relatives by railroad ac-
cidents."
John Jones lived in Cleveland. While
milking he tied the cows tail to his leg,
as the flies kept that appendage Hopping.
| After he was taken three times around
the cow pasture on his back he re-
marked: Il recognize my mistake. /
should have tied her tail to her own leg
instead of mine."
A young lady rushed into the arms of
/ the wrong man at an out Of-tOWn rail-
road station. She kissed him most
/ affectiOnately. She was tremendously
embarrassed, and asked the gentleman's
pardon. He said, don't mention it;
there's no necessity" Maybe the young
lady did not really think there was, but
she was sorry about it.
Mrs. Shoddy, to shOpman: "Show me a
thermOmeter-One Of your best" Shop
man: "This ma'am, is one of our finest
Venetian glass and the best quick
silver" Mrs. Shoddy: "Silverl That
would be nice for the kitchen, but 1
want one for my boOdOre. Haven't you
one with quick OldP"-MOntreal Wit
ness,
Farmer Wurzle (meeting the eurate's
wife, who is bee-keeper): mo, mum;
I've no call to find any fault wiz your
bee-keepin'; but do wish as they 'OOdn't
light on my clover. found one o. my
sheep stung in his mouth this mOrnin'."
Curate's wife (naiVely): 'And pray, Mr..
WurZle, where would you look for its
tongue but in its mouthP"-N. Y. Inde-
pendent.
A young man who was desirOus of
marrying daughter of q well known
merchant, after many attempts to brOach
the subject to the old gentleman, in a
very suffering manner cOmmenced:
"Mr, O., are you willing to let me
have your daughter, Jane?" "0f course
| am - Oruf1v ranIied tho old man Sand
[ wish you could get some other likely