Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-05-09
PLEASAN Tries.

| BOSTON is IN q great state of agitation
at present for the Post Of that town an
nounces that the bean-pole crop is very
backward this year.
DOCTORS are generous men. Who ever
heard of doctor rushing out TO chase
away boys who were taken fruit from his
trees ?"-SOn1erVjIIe Journal.
WE shall brag of ball club, as usual,
and would prefer to have it win few
games, SO our Dragging won't have an
ar OF eccentrlcity. Dos. Post
The step-mother hung her portrait in
front Of the bible motto, so that 1t only
showed "Suffer little children and
Johnny pasted comma after the first
word.
SCoTcH minister: "John, John, Tn
afraid you are on the broad road" In
ebriated parishioner: Sc Weel, minister,
as far IS I'm concerned the breadth is a.
required.
! HE rumors In regard to further change
are but rumors. Secretary Chandler
was quite sea-sick, to be sure, but not
enough to throw his department .-Hurt-
| ford Post
A PENNSYLVANIA lady has an egg which
she claims is l06 years old. She is say
ing it for Oscar Wilde when he makes his
first appearance on the stage in this coun-
try. 7. Com.
TEACHER: "Can you tell me- which
is the olfactory organ ?" Pupil frankly
answers: ono, sir. Teacher: 'Cor-
rect. Pupil goes Of in brown study.
Boston Transcript.
The first passenger train passed over
| tbn Redwood CT,
since. If that word should ever get upon
the track there will be fearful smash-up.
-S0naeJVdtle Journal.
"THE jacks trumped, said the card
player as the train jolted uncomfortably.
'And the tracks, jumped" said his
partner as the train rolled into the ditch.
-PittSburg Telegraph.
IT is said that Thackeray never break
tasted until o'clock, although he arose
four hours earlier. He must have lost
his collar button with reckless regular
ity.-Nee0 York Advertj8er.
" HERE, nov," said mother to her
little boy, :" take this good medicine.
It's as sweet as sugar - SO Mamma, I
love little brother" the boy replied;
''give it to him. "--Ark0nS01O Traveller.
Custom house official (holding up two
black bottles) -" [ thought you said you
had wearing apparel only in this trunk.
! What are these?" Lady So I did.
Those are my husbands nightcaps. y
Life.
Rev. JOSEPH Cook remarks: . hope
the day will come when we shall have
but one postal stamp for the whole
world" IF we are around at that time
we shall bid high for the first lick.-N
Y Com.
An official and volunteer organist of a
church was asked to assist in passing
around the plate. He replied that he
did not object to playing the organ, but
did object TO being monkey.-Elizabeth
Journal.
An old lady was asked her opinion
about Mis-. Smith, her next-door neigh
boz. "Wen," she said, s. [ am not the
one to speak Ill of anybody, but feel
very sorry for Mr.. Smith. "-ROche8teY
Post Express.
SAMUEL GUM was recently arraigned
IN local court for 1ntoxicatIon. When
he shot his breath at the judge the latter
remarked that it was evidentiya muzzle-
odor, but he couldn't permita discharge.
YorakerS Gazette.
He stood before her holding both her
hands in his and he asked softly, "Why
am [ like railroad train ?" Because
you never get anything to eat ?" "No,
my owp, It's because hold two wrists.
-PittS6urg Telegraph.
''WAs at the club last night; had
bang-up dinner, remarked Tom. ''Ah!"
said Charley, "then I suppose you have
fine headache this morning. A head
ache generally follows a stuffed club,
you know. boston Transcript.
An old ex-cannibal out in the Sandwich
Islands, now that he is converted to
Christianity, has crested q tombstone to
the memory of his father, with the fol-
towing inscription: ''Re was tender
husband and most nutritious father. .
"YEs," said the former member Of
| the legislature, IS Mr.. Jones is a very
smart man. I think, perhaps, he is as
smart man as there Is IN the state to-
day. Do you remember how got the
best of him in the house in 81 !''-L010eU
Citizen.
I HAVE $500 which [ would like to IN
vest so as to get a big income from it at
once. What would you advise.-John
Z. Buy a $500 Brussels carpet and
hire it around for people to hang out
during house-clean1ng time. Pb5tadeI-
11l5dG AeaOS.
THE prince of Wales new palace car
contains a study, a saloon, two bed
rooms, two dressing-rooms, and bath
room. If the conductor of the train is in
any hurry when he is collecting tickets
he had better search the saloon first
Rochester Post Dispatch.
THEY were laughing at young Veri-
dudes extremities, one of the fellows re-
marking that they were so slender you
could hardly see them. Fogg, who some
times deals in nautical phrases, said
that was because Veridude had not got
his see legs on.-Boston Transcript.
To borrow phrase Say old
man, will you let me take your hat and
top-coat tonight; mine are looking
little the worse for wear?" Chum: Seer
tainly you can have them; but don't you