The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1883-04-10
HELLO! HELLO!
Mr.. Spoopendyke's Call by Tele-
phone Upon q Business Friend.



dyke standing before the telephone and
to explain its mysteries and
advantages to his wife. "Now, my dear,
this is gong to prove the most conven-
lent thing we ever had in the house I
When ] want TO talk to anyone just
turn this crank and say Hello hello!
and the girl at the Central saws: Hello !!
hellor and ] tell her who l want. and
she calls him up. Now. I'll ask for Mr..
Specklewottle." And Mr.. SpoopendyBe
turned the crank, utterly forgetting to
press the button that makes the connec-,
tion. -s5sss
"What does be say2" asked Mrs
Spoopendyke, cooking her head to one
side as a woman always does when her
husband ia trying to listen,
"He don't say anything yet" growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. HE amt like you /;
he waits until he has got something i'm
portans on mis- mind ard then he says
1t. Hello hello" rosred Mr. Spoop-
endyke giving the crank vicious twist
aud glaring into the enunciator with a
v,ndictive look "Now, you keep that
mouth Of yours tied up or you're liable
to lose it some dayr: with which doletul
prognosticatiok Mr.. Spoopendyke rat.
tied away at the crank and awaited some
sound Of life at the other end.
81 suppose It is really that girls fault,
murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke shifting
at The instrument as though she smelled
the young lady from afar and found her
no better than she ought to be 81 don't
suppose she's there at all. Moro likely
she's gadding around somewhere"
s'Whatd ye want to talk just then for2
howled Mr. SpoepeDdyke. "Whats
YOUR measly object in breaking out with
the conversational smallpox at that crit
ical juncturep Don't YOU krow she was
jus: beginning to talk and you made me
lose her7 tell you one thing" added
Mr.. Spoopendyke with impressive so.
lemnity, 'if you don't shut your mouth
once in a while the moths will get 10
there and make you trouble"
elf she'd only just commenced to talk
you haven't lost her, replied Mrs. Spoop
endyke wrinkllng her nose. "You'lI
have no trouble with her il she's got
started"
"Hello! hello! call up Mr.. Speckle-
wottle!" bawlsd Mr.. Spoopendyke ap-
parently convinced by his wife's manner
of his own experience. "rhere, she's
gone. No use for me to try any thing
when you're around. Another time I
want to talk through telephone I'll take
it over in vacant lot! Do you know
Of anything that will keep you quiet for
moment ?" demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, his wrath rising as he contempla-
ted his ill-usage. "Never mind the ex-
penss Just name the article! Why
didn't you tell me, when you referred me
to your measly old dad, that I was pro-
posing marriage to a dod gasted steam
dictionary"
"Sav. dear, can / talk through it p
cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke anxious to dis
arm her husband.
s'Is there anything you can't talk
through p squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
beginning to realize that there was some
thing about the telephone that he did
not thoroughly understand. "When l
get a telephone for you the diaphragm
will be of double and twisted wrought
steel With railroad tracks for. wires. and
don't believe ihatll last more'n an hour
and q half! Hello, hello-o-ol wake up
and call SpeckIerottle, dod blast YET"
and Spoopendyke ratified away at the
crank until his arm ached. Ekw
e..Be patient, dear. You see he's gone
add it's "a long way to Mr, Specklewot-
lies house, Perhaps he isn't home and
she's waiting for him " = s-' . =
-"Thats the way it works." shrieked
Mr. Spoopeniyke glaring at his wife.
It took you to get hold OF it. When l
call that girl she goes home to dinner,
and along in the evening she goes round
to Specklewottle's house and brings him
here In a hack! That your idea Of it ?
Or p'raps you've got some sort of mo-
ton that she runs the wire through
Speck!ewottle, turns on the current, and
slams him right mp here through the side
of the house2 That your idea2 Well,
she don't. and she don't break her back
trying to make dod gasted idiot of her
self. like some women !" a-.e
Il think I understand how 1t works.
faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke. You say,
yellow, Yellow"
There's, the comhinstionr yelled
Mr. .Spoopendy ke.,s you got your work
in that time! Why didn't you tell me
,was, bringing this thing home to the in
ventor Whatd you want to let me
stand up here and explain this thing to
the only comprehensive brain that ever
tackled II forP You've got it. With
what you know now and what you've
got to find out you only need wig and
a law suit to be the whole science ot
electricity / slell ye this is the way j
works!"s and Mr. SpoopendYke brough
the box kick that splintered it, "Set
it work." he demanded, pulling at the
wires until they cut his hand. "Watct
it while l convey your regards to th'
other lunatics and he danced on the
remnants of the instrument and smashed
the fragments against the wall.
"Neverz minda aWdear, demonstrated
Mrs. Spoopendyke lputtering around af
ter him and trying to soothe him. .Wber
We want Mr.. Spscklewottle again vel
just send servant around after him
That1l he much nicer thantrustlug to {
nasty wire, AMI I,knpw there wa, draf
through. that hox for I could feel 1t as
soon as | came in the room "
.Oh, you couli feel r. roared Mr.
Spoopendyke rather wondering how b,
was going to accountto heccmpany fol
the destruction Of his box. "lf had
your sensitiveness and an onion I'd hirt
out a. % dodgasted orchidP aud will
this eliminating sarcasm Mr.. Spoopen
dyke crushed his hat over his ears ant
rushed around to Mr.. Specklewottle'
to see what had better be done about th'
matter. e. irEg .idges. s be.v..t -,.s,s,...
Il don't care,' murmured Mrs Spoop
endyke as she Topped down on the Zoo
to pick up the pieces Of the wrecked tel
ephone box, "he'lI not have any oppor
tunity for standing up here and talking
to that girlSuntil his legs are tired )" ant
with this sage! expression of her salts
faction over the result ofsthe experimen
Il M,a hrAHa off ho ouAo n