Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-06-27
PLEASANT RES.

OFTEN III very poor spirits-the cork.
philadelphia Herald.
PEOPLE who had much at stake
martyrs.-NeeU York TVCrG3.
TIGHT pants and tight dresses have
both gone out of style, but 1t seems as
If tight men never will.
The seventeen-year locusts are upon
us once more. This year the big " on
their backs stands for Virgins.
burgh Telegraph.
PRoFFE ssoR in Latin" Mr.. K, will
you please scan some ?' Student-Pro-
lessor, I don't think I can; have not
skim anything for long time"
\ sHoRKEEPER having had stormy
discussion with his better half, put the
shutters up and affixed the following no.
tice: "Closed during alterations"
4 GRABBED old bachelor says!
/" When rain falls, if she gets the bigger
half of the umbrella they are lovers; If
he takes the bigger half they are mar
ried.'
On the strength of a communication
from retired English noble the Boston
Transcript tells Us that velvet lawns are
SO called because they must be kept
well vet T"
The Chinese legation at Washington
attended every performance of the cir
Gus while there, and declared that they
had enjoyed nothing so much since con-
gress adjourned.
OVERHEARD In. the clOak-room: 1" Did
she marry well?" YES, indeed, He's
worth over million, and drinks so hard
that he never can get into society; 50
she's NOT b0tbnga6 with him -
A.1AnY writer is out with an article
entitled "How to Catch husband"
But her theory is all wrong. Ask any
married woman how to catch husband
and she viii reply, by the hair
'sPAss?" OF course I'll pass - re-
piled a .12-year-old schoolgirl in this
city the other day. doesn't my brother
keep company with the schoolma'am,
and viii she dare snub one of the fam
lily ?"
HUSBAND @ A.,M-after curtain lee
ture(-"WeI, all I've got to say is, you
are a person Of such refinement and good
breeding you ought to be above talking
10 a drunken fellow at this time of the
night
''YBs," .said the tramp, 81 think he is
the president of a charitable society, for
he kicked me four rods further than the
average, and then set a darned great
bulldog on me."-NeaU Orleans Post
dispatch.
The Philadelphia Bulletin says, 90 the
recent diplomatic correspondence be-
tween, Germany and the United States
seems to have been of a hog citing na-
ture. !" lis true, It's. piggy, and piggy
tits, lis true.
The, calmness with which it is an
noupced that ''an opera house is to be
built amid the roar of Niagara" is sur
prising, when one reflects that the en-
tire performance might be drowned in
the roar.-LolOeU, Courier.
PROFESSOR, to young lady student
Your mark is, very low, and you have
only just passed. Young lady-Oh, l am
SO glad. Professor, surprised Why?
Young LADY, do so love a tight
TRACHER-" Can you multiply togeth-
.er concrete mum bers p They appear
,urcertain,) Teacher" WHAT will be
the product Of forty apples multiplied
by six pounds OF beef?" Small boy,
triumphantly-"M ince pies"
BEFORE cutting a mans head off in
CHINA, the authorities considerably
make him drunk. The beauty of this
system is that man can get intoxicated
without having a head on him the next
morning,-R0ehe8ter fErpress.
IEE average age of different men is
put down thus: Merchants, IS; phys1-
clans. and lawyers, So; farmers 81: cIer-
gymep, "a; and great geniuses, Is It
will be observed from the above that the
journalistic profession tends to longe-
witty.
&1TBRRE is one thing connected with
your table," saida drummer to west
ern landlord, ''that is not surpassed even
by the best hotelsin Chicago" Yes"
replied the pleased landlord and what
is that2" -efThe sak. Rochester Post
Erpres8.
''YEs." said Mrs. .Towser, as she ex-
patiated upon the beauties of her flower
garden, 81 have given it great care, and
If you o0zae over In a week O. two, I
expect to be able to show you soGae beau
tiful scarlet p1Eenmonies. ''-SoaserviLLe
Journal.
Two gallons Of good whisky were
poured down the throat OF q captured
young alligator in Mississippi to see how
it would affect his organization. He
uttered "hic'' or tsvo, wanted to fight
an old scow, giggled in a silly manner,
and finally rolled over and went to sleeE.
ssMY dear" said Rather at the tea
table, cooking mp from his evening
paper. this French China trouble looks
serious yes" answered Mrs. r.,
eBridget broke the handle off the sugar
bowl today. but l didu't think you
~ro,,I5 7ofioc If ca soon = R0cfnz7 Ioqt~
Ter.
"Ygs," said the gilded youth, 81
want wife 10 make home pleasant"