Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-09-14
FUN


FUN
LITTLE ToMMY.-Little Tommy was
entertaining one of his sisters callers
until she appeared.
ssDon't you come to see my sister ?" he
inquired.
Eyes, Tommy. that's what I come for. :"
"You like her good deal, don't you ?"
''Of course, I admire her very much.
Don't you think she is nice ?"
s'Well, reckon have to, cause she's
my sister, but she thumps me pretty tough
sometimes. But say, let's see you open
your mouth once. Now shut it real tight
till count ten. There, knowed you
could do it,"
"Why, Tommy, who said couldn't ?''
'sOh, nobody much, but sister,"
"What did she say ?"
"Well, she said you hadn't sense enough
to keep your mouth shut, and bet her
two big oranges you had, and you have,
amt you, and you will make her duff up
the oranges, won't you ?"
The young man didn't wait to see
whether she would duff up" or not.
s'Satira Jane,'' said fond mother, the
other morning. to her daughter. ibid
Daniel johnson kiss you on the steps last
night 7" mo, mamma, he did not" If
the fond parent had said mouth instead of
steps, it would have troubled Jane to
reply.
Citrate: 81 deeply sympathize with you
in your loss, Mrs. Flanagan" Lively
Widow: "Och! Is it Flanagan ye name
No great lossl Shure, if I didn't think
there was many betther than him, I'd be
content to 60 single the rist of my loife ~
A lady in Saratoga. blazing with
diamonds, sent the following order to her
milliner: ''Deer Miss X: Please get
me tow yards Irish point lace, and Alison
get me six pares CLUBS, seven and quar-
tiers; OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES color. P. s.
Don Z send the Bill, for don't want
to see 1t, he only alouse me certain
SUNNI and will pay it myself.'
A contemporary wishes to revise one
portion of the New Testament as follows:
"If man smite you on one cheek turn
unto him the other also, and then send him
good one from the shoulder while he is
off guard.
She that hath new bonnet is more
consumed with a desire to 20 to meeting
than seven pious ones.
SAID the general to the major:-"Wbat
is your rank, sir ?" and the major replied:
81 am major, general"
''My wife," remarked Fitzdoodle, is
fairly crazy over the fall fashions. She 8
got the delerium trlmmins."
''Oh. Lord, prayed a Methodist minis
ter. keep me humble and poor" ooh
Lord;' if Thou wilt keep him humble" said
the deacon, who next prayed, I'VE will
keep him poor
A fair exchange is no robbery; but fancy
fairs, where the young ladies at tables
give no change back, is another thing.
A well-known literateur and humorist
modestly says that his chief literary ac-
and never returned.
Why is coal the most extraordinary ar
ticle know to commerce2 Because, wher
purchased. instead Of going to the buyer,
it goes to the cellar.
Topper says: "Work is the salt of life"
Then play must be the sugar Of life. An
EDITORS existence contains about ninety
nine per cent. more salt than sugar.
''My husband has very even DISPOSE
tion," said one lady to another. $50 l
thought, was the reply, ''for never re-
member seeing him in good humor."
How can it be proved that horse has
six legs Because he has fore legs in front
and two behind.
'sMrs. Brown, where's your husband ?"
Hes dying, ma am, and don It wish any
body to disturb him.
1t is no longer polite to speak of man
having been hanged. Say he went to the
other world as an assisted emigrant."
Three years constant study in Italy will
make an American girl know too much to
be useful in opera.
James New, of Norwich, named his first
born Something; it was Something New.
The next he called Nothing; 1t being
Nothing New.
WHO was the meekest man ?'' asked
sunday school teacher. "Moses." ''Vers
well who was the meekest woman P"
Never was any,"
At last woman has been sunstruck
while shopping. (Cut this out and paste
it in your wife's hat.
Indians never drink to drown sorrow.
When they get anything to drink they
have no sorrow to drown.
Animals lick each other from motives of
affection. The reverse il generally the
case with men.
A postscript may be defined as line to |
hang the close on.
Girls we love for what they are; young
men for what they promise to be.
Up in arms-the midnight baby,