, 1883-06-28
TIE "BIG MUDDY.w
Some Facts Concerning a Very Peculiar
Riper.

Some Facts Concerning Very Peculiar
RiUer.
If the Missouri Is not the broadest or
the beautifulest river in America,
writes a correspondent of the Chicago
Tribune, it is certainly the most erratic,
good-for- nothing, evil-intentioned, en-
tirely UInmanageabIe, devil may care
river, not only in America but IN the
universe.
There are two things in particular
which the Missouri seems to hate more
than any other; these are steamboats,
and bridges. How many steamboat
Captains have been killed outright, rem
dred partially insane, or made prema-
turely old by the yagaries, snags, saw
yers and sand-banks of this vagabond
river, never will be fully known. We
once heard a steamboat Captain say at
81. Louis that one voyage to the mount
ans and back was more trying to the
constitution and temper than ten years
at sea. The same individual said posi-
lively that unless gutta percha or india
rubber could be utilized as material
out of which to make steamboats, tho
navigation of the Missouri would never
be made to pay. The Missouri had
been the financial ruin of this same Cap
tain. Some Years previously ne made
venture to bring a cargo of assorted
summer clothing to the Upper Missouri;
he started for the mountains as soon as
| the ice left the river. He was an O, |
and experienced navigator of the river,
and thought he knew every twist and
turn in it from Alton to Fort Benton,
but, to use his own language, "The
blamed river weren't where it was the
year before, nor nowhe1es near ii. 1
was as big fool as if never had taken
boat to t'other side of the Mississippi
I ran into the bank where there WAS ten
foot o water the year before, and
sailed in good deep channel where
knew there had been small vii
lagos and right smart of farms on my
previous voyage. We done our best,
however, for we and the owner were
equally interested in the venture. We
were snagged no less than nine times in
month; We sat up day and night and
worked the crew half to death. 'Twar
no use, however, for by the time we
reached the mountains the first frost had
sot in; We sold our summer clothing for
half nothing, for when we arrived it WAS
blankets aud buffalo robes folks We're
lookin' after, and nou straw hats or linen
busters. The same voyage broke me up
clean, and if 1 saw that - Missouri
rlver covered up and made a sewer of,
although 1 hain't tasted liquor Tor
moren ten years, I'd go right out and
get drunk for joy"
1t may be, as the aforesaid Captain
hinted, tnat india-rubiper or gutia-
percha steamboats, will vet overcome the
difficulties of the NJ ssnuri, and navigate
it successful ly in spite Of sawyers, smags
and sandbars but how will the brilues
overi it be made to last ? Engineers, poor,
silly souls that they arr, think they have
triumphed over the Missouri with their
bridges. They'll find out their mistake
some of these days. 1t made serious,
aud very nearly successful, attempts on
the Omaha and ON the KANSAS CITY
bridges last spring. 1t tried not To
weep them away, but to circunvent
them. Had the rise been three fes t
higher, those gigantic structures that
cost many millions of dollars wtuid have
heen left to span mudholes, and the i'll
Iqutnus river would have PASSED tri-
Iniphnutiy on one side of them. w,
near that Capt. Eads, III great engineer,
il going to tachle tie Missouri ut Al,
hrly date, and contine 1t to Il p, rman-
mt chuInel 10y means of Golfer dams. Ii
nr surc ctis he will take the shine ont of
De- LesNepS, and 1t is "a s that there is
'"t an American PEI rage 10 win Ii he
'"uld be elevated With the title OF
- Lord Big Muddy"
Nature at the outset when the Mis-
-ouri was Great ii must have foresecn
what II yHgaboud river it would tun out.
!or t has ho mined it in almost through
out its entire length between two ranges
# bluffs from two to four miles apart.
She seems to have said to the Missouri
"Sru2'- le about III, twist over, root ND,
r"' ~ ! VI c,..',-.roIl, VIII, that
narrow valley, but a foot Deyond it Won
shall never CO." What beneficent pro.
vision OF nature these bluffs are! Were
1t not for them the Missouri might prob
ably take notion to cease to pollute
St Louis for season, and, out of pure
mischief, pay visit to Chicago.
Missouri river steamboat Captains and
Pilots are race apart. They are mostly
sallow, serious-looking men; they seldom
laugh, and are not easy of approach /;
five years navigating that river makes
them unfit for society, destroys what
ever buoyancy of spirit they may have
naturally possessed, and makes them as
gruff and as surly as untamed hyenas.
If ever the reader has the misfortune to
travel on Missouri river steamboat We
would earnestly advise him never to ask
the Captain any questions unless he de-
lights in getting very curtailed answers.
THH annual producI OF gold is POW
less than SlO0, ,00G, GOO, and lt4 foro;o,,'
! coinage * practically susben,I.d +, n