davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-05-02

Ella @ years old, who has broken
a window with snowbalD-"Papa,
dear, don't beat me; substract it
rather, from my marriage dowry."-
Fliegende Blatter.
What town in New Hampshire
would be likely to remind you of the
departure from a saloon Of the man
who has dined Exeter (ex-eater).
Boston Traveller.
Worcester has an ar. A. T." club,
which entertains the public with plays,
operettas and the like. "Hear me
knaw-ma' ought to be the favorite
air.-Lowell Courier.
The latest story is that man who
can heat a bucket of water in ten
minutes by just sticking his nose into
it. That's easily accounted for-his
nose has got a boil on Huntington
Free Press.
A lady friend won't allow the sales
woman to try on her gloves for her,
not because it is hard work for the
saleswoman, but because our lady
friend will have nothing to do with
counter fits.-Boston Transcript.
Ann Eliza writes to ask why poor
man invariably keeps dogs. We have
not given the question much consid-
Grafton, but we have concluded that a
poor man supports dog to keep the
wolff from the door.-Yonkers States
man.
On the street 81 understand that
you own great many houses and
small farms in the suburbs" eyes" !"
"Do you live on any of them ?"
"No." "Then you don't raise any
thing?" "Oh, yes; every spring I
raise rents. ."-Philadelphia News.
A German went to a friend and
said: Tomorrow / owe you $780,
900. am ruined. l cannot pay it,
and cannot shleep a wink" The
creditor said: "Vy didn't you wait
to dell me tomorrow Now neither
can / shleep a nk."-New York
Herald.
1t seems necessary to explain a
passage in the Rev. j. Hyatt Smiths
letter in which he says: 81 hold the
key of the position of the future"
Mr.. Smith had no intention of con-
veying the idea that st. Peter had re-
signed his office.-Brooklyn Eagle.
A South end man, who is prepar-
ing to defend breach of promise
suit, says he broke his engagement to
Miss Knapp because he could not
stand having people, who thought
themselves funny, constantly ask him
if he was going to take Knapp
Boston Post.
An eastern station agent recently
got like position on far western
railroad in a region where all men
carry revolvers and most men carry
guns and knives in addition, and they
do say that that agent has suddenly
become so urbane and polite that his
friends would not know him.-Phila-
delphia News.
The following good story is told of
the secretary of the San Francisco
Philharmonic Society: A gentleman
rang his door bell one evening re-
Gently, and asked if a Mr.. - lived
there. "No," said the intensely mu-
sical Henry, pointing up the street,
che lives about an octave-I mean
eight doors higher. San Francisco
News Letter.
Harper's Bad Boy.
A boy ought alway to stand up for
his sister, and protect her from every
body, and do everything to make her
happy, for she can only be his sister
once, and he would be so awfully sor-
ry if she died and then he remember
ed that his conduct toward her had
sometimes been such.
Mr.. Withers doesn't come to our
house any more. One night Sue saw
him coming up the garden walk, and
n n ftr Al Al
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
A Batch of Odd Stories.

David Burkett, of Big Greek Gap,
East Tennessee, who is said to be nine
teen years DID, weighs only thirty
pounds and is only eighteen inches
high
The largest COW in America, it is
believed, belongs to John Pratt, OF
Chase County, Kansas. 1t is three
years old, twenty-five hands high, and
weighs 1920 pounds.
Naugatuck, Conn, boasts of wild
apple tree that has current branch
growing from limb fully fifteen feet
from the ground. 1t is said to bear
currants every year.
Leorard Ullum and Mary Gathorp
were recently married in Tyler Coull-
ty, Ohio. After hilarious wedding
feast Ullum babe his friends good
night, picked up his hat and left the
house, and has not been seen since.
For the last ten years mammoth
apple-tree belonging to Abel Scho-
field, of Adair County, Mo-, has pre-
scented its owner with twenty barrels
of fruit each season. 1t measures
seven feet in circumference near the
ground.
Miss Sarah Turner of New Haven,
is asking for compensation for services
during the war. She says she served
as an orderly in the One Hundred and
Fifth Ohio Volunteers, being dressed
in male attire and known as Jim .
See shows the scars of several wounds.
partridGe'S nest with fifteen
eggs was found in a wheatfield by a
farmer who was grading. The bird
flew away, and three hours later the
farmer was surprised to find that
every egg had been Matched by the
Scorching rays of the sun.
John Campau, of Denver, paid
Charles Stickney 500 for having
alienated Mrs Stickney's affections.
When next Stickney saw Campau
with his wife he assassinated HIM.
and one of the bullets he fired at
Campau filled Mrs Deveraux. He
now tenders Mr.. Deveraux the money
received from Campau.
Deacon Wilson, of Evansville, Mo,
was SO greatly annoyed by stranger
who hirted with his daughter in church
that while praying he raised his voice
to its highest pitch and said: An
now, O Lord, hev mercy on the dunn
idiot with the store clothes on as is
winkin' at our Alice, and keep him a
hangin' round the church door when
sarvice is over till l can get to him
an put a head on him! Amen. =
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
Very Like a Human Being.


4 Biddle street gentleman is the
possessor of a parrot endowed with
wonderful power of elocution. Its
talk is ceaseless, and as a consequence
its vocabulary has grown wonderfully
large. As a Milwaukee bird it has
added to its lingual accomplishments
a remarkable capacity for the ABSORB
ton of lager beer. Given tin cupful
of the foaming beverage it will carry
it to its beak without delay and swal
low the malt moisture with satisfac-
ton. One drink is always insufficient,
and the cup is returned to the donor
with an impatient request for more
beer! more beer.' Sometimes its APP
petite in this regard is humored until
the copious hbatlons begin to tell on
Polly's brain. The cage is opened and
the maudlin bird stalks across the
room with stiff dignity. Finding To-
comotion impeded, for reasons known
to the laughing spectators, it lays its
head backward, and, giving a side
long leer, cries out What's the mat
ter with my leg! What's the matter
with my leg!" On being told that it
is drunkenness the staggering bird,
with evident evaporation, cries out:
You're a liar. You're liar" The
The actions of heparrot while under
the influence" are so amusing that 1t
is often INDUCED to the point of inc
briefly for the purpose of exhibition,
and Polly evidently likes both.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
Female FAncieS.

L SNiAAsS " OAIlc1i1 Wallis 10 hIloN
how 10 tell a fresh egg from stale
one. Taste it, goosey, taste it.
The number of school teachers who
failed to lead victim to the alter this
summer is said to be greater than ever
IN Jersey.
There is a young lady in New York
who makes, 1t is said. about 500 calls
nearly every day of her life. Oh. YOU
need not look disconnected. missile
works in = telephone office" -Yonkels
Statesman
"Aw, can you tell me, Miss Fair.
querled George Washington LaDude,
after brief period of intense study,
why the-aw-Ponto's caudal appen-
dage is like coming event?" mo.
Mr.. LaDude.S We'll, aw, it is some
thing to cur, don't you know-ha.
hal, Very good, Mr. LaDude; very
good But can you tell ME why Your
hat is like bad habit" why, err,
aw; we'll, no-why is it," Because
it is something to void" "Oh.
weally, now, Miss Fair, YOU are Just
too bad for anything, don't you
know
a New Hampshire reformer is
"agln' chewing gum, says it leads via
tobacco to rum. At the same time
there is satisfaction in seeing a girl
chew gum. 1t employs her jaws and
can't talk all the tine-Hartford
Post.
A West End young lady wishes to
know what is a proper fancy dress
ball costume for a girl with very
auburn-in fact, red-hair, and is
thus advised: Wear a green dress
and put seeds in your hair and go as a
watermelon.
Have you heard any bad news"
asked minister's wife of her husband.
as he entered the house, looking a lit
tie respondent Yes, the good man
replied, Il have: the marriage of
young Smith and the Begley girl is
put off until next year"
20, Charles let US turn and go off
some other way; there is that bad man
following US who is the fellow,
my deah?" 'Whv, that is the man
who was so near marrying me before
met you. l just hate him. BY
Jove? so do l." You" 'Yaas.
You don't know him. How can you
hate HING He didn't marry you.
don't cher knaw, my love"
The Bismarck Tribune is responsible
for the following: As the ticket agent
at Mandan stood at his post yesterday
afternoon sampling the various styles
of breath that came at him through
the small window, a beautiful lady
came up and asked for a ticket to
Bismarck. He stamped it and laid it
down, and the lady fumbled in her
purse for the change. All at once she
exclaimed in petulant voice: Oar
ling, can't you be patient? What
does my pet want!" The agent turned
so red that his ears fairly blazed, and
stammered out: Madam, -I-I-I
assure you that-that there is no hurry
at all. Take your tahem)-take your
time, madam" With a look that
froze the blood in his veins and made
him feel as if icicles were hanging all
over his body, she replied: "Sir-r-r-r!
[ was speaking to my little girl and
peeping through the ticket window he
saw wee bit of cherub Juggling at
the lady's dress. When she had gone
he sank down in a chair as pale as a
corpse and told Conductor Richards
that if his family were better provided
for he didn't think he'd care to live
an hour longer.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
A THRILLING SCENE.
The Rescue ofTwo Little Girls from n
Burning Building.


An Erie pa special to the Cleve
land Leader says: A thrilling scene
was witnessed last night at the burn
ing of a saw-mill on the Six Mile
creek, south of Wesleyville, few
miles from this city. One of the own
ers, Mr.. Dallas Crawford, drove a
gang of tramps who requested food
and lodging, but were unwilling to
work few hours in payment, from
his premises. A vagrant who refus-
ed to go, and drew deadly weapon,
received the contents of a shotgun in
his legs. He lurked around several
| days waiting for revenge. After sup
per last evening he saw Mr.. Crawford's
two little daughters enter the mil, on
the upper floor of which a play-room
had been partitioned off for them.
Following, he fastened the door while
they played with their toys, then de-
scending to the basement he piled
heaps of infamable material at sew
eral points, which he set on fire.
girls alive, in retaliation for the shot
imbedded in his flesh by their father.
Soon the lower portion of the mill
was enveleped in flames, ingress or
egress alike were cut off, and the girls
seemed doomed to die the most agon-
izing of deaths. They crawled through
a hole upon the roof, but were afraid
to jump, as the distance was thirty
five feet, and the ground thickly dot
ted with jagged powders. No ladders
were available, nor could they be
used even if at hand. The spectators
turned away sickened, momentarily
expecting to see the rafters yield and
the children disappear into the roar
ing flames, while the mother, shrek
ing that if her darlings could not be
saved she would perish with them,
rushed toward the blazing building.
Strong arms thwarted her frenzied re-
solve. A deliver appeared, a young
farmer, Alfred K. Bonnell, carrying
a coil of rope to which was fastened a
strong iron hook. Hastily strapping
climbing irons to his legs, he ascend
ed tall oak tree near the mill, and
III moment stood on a limb high
above the children, who gazed up at
him as upon a saving angel. The
young man threw the rope so precise
ly that the hook caught in the smaller
girls dress. Drawing the cord hand
over hand she swung clear, and was
lowered safely into her fathers arms.
The crowd stood like statues of stone
as Mr.. Bonnell cast his hook a second
time to snatch a human life from a
death that but few seconds before
appeared inevitable. He succeeded III
getting the rope to the other child,
who soon hung suspended in the air,
her clothing catching fire as she left
the perilous place, but she was saved
without being much burned When
The intrepid hero regained the earth
he sank down overpowered bv intense
excitement, and was carried away not
second too soon for the safety of
himself and friends. The boiler, sur
rounded by mass of glowing Goals,
exploded, and the defamation was,
heard for miles. Fragments of iron
plates, red-hot machines, and flaming
timbers were hurled hundreds of feet,
though fortunately, not a person was
injured. The incendiary tramp fled
from the scene of his devilIsh deed on
a stolen horse, and escaped the ven
geance of the furious farmers.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
4 Painful State of Doubt.

a tramp sat on door step in New
York tenderly holding his head in his
hands, wnen Eli Perkins came along.
Whats the matter with you man -
asked Eli.
I'm in doubt, sir; I'm in a state of
doubt"
In doubt? what about"
We'll, sir, went into that alley
gate up there to get suth'ng to eat; |
might a-knowed suth'ng d happened,
for there was dead book agent layin'
on the flower bed and hniment man
with the side of his head all caved in,
leanin' up agin the peach tree.
"Well!'
You see | allus was venturSome; so
very politely stepped up and taking
off my hat asked a woman standin'
there, would she be kind enough to
give me a berry pie and some breast of
chicken!"
Well, what happened thenl"
Now, Mr. Perkins, that's what | m
in doubt about. I'm thinking it over
now. | don't seem to remember wheth-
er got the pie or the back porch fell
down on me. or perhaps fell asleep
under pile driver. don't know any
thing about it, but, to give myself the
benefit of the doubt, l believe I'd
sooner work half an hour than GO
into that yard again. would"
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
Remember This.

II you are sick Hop Bttters will surely aid Nature
IN making you we'll when all else fails
If you are costive or dyspeptic, or are suffering
from any other Of the numerous diseases Of the
stomach bowels il is ciiT orsn fault II you re
nam i'll, for Hop Bittcrs are q sovereign remedy
all such complaints.
II you are wasting away with any form OF
Kidney disease stop tempting Death this moment
md turn for a cure to Hop BitterS
II you are sick with that terrible sickness Eer-
sousuess. you will iud Balm in Gilead" in the
.tse Of Hop Ritters
II you are a frequcnter or 8 resident OF q
nliasmatic district barricade your system against
The scourge Of all cuuutries-malarial, epidemic
bilious and intermittent fevers-by the use Of
Hop Rtters
II you have rough, pimply or sallow skin, bad
breath pains and aches, and feel miserably gen
rally, Hop Btters will give you fair skin, rich
blood and sweetest breath, health and comfort
In short they curs all Diseases OF the Stomach,
Bowels Blood Liver, Nerves Kidneys Brights
Disease 500 will be paid for case they will NOT
cure or help
That poor bedridden, invalid wife, sister, mother
daughter can he made the picture OF health, by
few bottles OF Hop Bitters, costing but a triiie.
win YOU let them sufcrf
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
Arab Courage.


The courage of The BedouinIis one of
their most lauded virtues, but one
which within the present century has
not been conspicuously indicated. |
have seen more than once tribe on
raid, and have heard more than one
tale of Bedouin battles. AS rule,
the bulletin seems to be to tie follow
ing effect: I'VE bravely attacked
the enemy, which made its appearance
in force of one to our ten. Wetook
several prisoners, and the enemy lost
heavily, two horses and several cows
being slain. At length his remaining
forces withdrew, and we found our
casualties to include one mare hurt in
the leg by spear We cut off the
forefingers of our prisoners IN remem-
brance of those of our tribe whose
boards and hair had been cut off on
former occasion, and letting them go,
drove off the captured camels, and en-
deavOred to conceal as far as possible
the direction of our victorious retreat.
Such are the deeds which [ have heard
recounted, and although men are
sometimes slain in battle, and Fahed
en- Nimar has legs which have been
peppered with small shot, it must be
remembered that to initiate blood
feud is a most serious circumstance in
tribe life, and that the whole policy
of the leaders will for many years be
directed to the healing of the breach
thus caused, and to the settlement of
blood money. When a disagreement
occurs between two tribes they will
gather their spearmen, concentrate
their encampment, and square up, so
to speak, toward each other, and they
generally contrive, before matters
come to an open breach, to find a
third party willing to mediate, and
compromise is established, to the
great relief Of The bold warriors on
either side.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14

place at the time. Another current
passed down the rope to the bottom of
the shaft, a depth of thirty-fve
fathoms, striking the cage, which,
fortunately. was standing upon the
bottom at the time, and exploded.
The onsetter describes it as like a ball
OF fire falling upon the iron fiatsheets
at the bottom. He had his hand upon
the cage, and receieed a small
electric shock, and was nearly blind
ed by the flash for moment, but.
fortunately. received no personal in
jury. The shaft is fitted up with
round wire-rope guides for two cages.
These guide are suspended from the
top of the pully frames or head gear
ing" and secured at the bottom with
heavlly-weighted levers. These iron
rope guides would probably act as light
ming conductors, aud thus lessen the
shock of any excess of electric fluid
by carving it off into the pump. At
a time when the commissions of nature
have sorecently caused such lament
able loss of life and fearful destruc-
ton considerable amount of alarm
was felt for short time.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14

That the home Of our childhood Is essential y
the dearest spot on earth will be re-echced by
every man woman and child IN whose heart true
affection finds Judgement Having passed VII IN
the portal Of man and zom5uhOod how often
thought reopens the gateway o. memory. and the
panorama OF the old homestead with its many
endearng surroundings Is spread before us in he
like reality. Il is not the lot Of especially, 20
remain among the scenes Of boyhoo<i. and II 10
later life he has estab he'd bis own home bIliness
necessarily calls him more ar less freqHertsy
abroad; and al such times j should prove LIZ
first purpose 20 surround himself with comforts a.
hone-lke as possible II visiting the great metro
pods OF the New World, he find such sIiTreih-
dinsz at the Grand Union Hotel fOpfsoslte tle
Grand Central Depot. shich, with its move tsi21
600 rooms AZ q. and upwards Per Cay, Z LILY
cell-d Restaurant. Cafe Lunch ard Vine hoonas,
is strictly hrss-elAss Attendance. its usoaezs.le
charges with 10 carriage hire. nor expense igi
transfer OF baggage 70 ard from Grand CsnfE1i
Depot. renAerS The Grand Gaion 80 immensely
popular. thoroughly h0uae-llce. that fhs1lssrsds
On entering its portals silsnfiy decsaims-
Mid pleasures and palaces, though Ray ram
Az On this fair earth coatnEze % aNesL
There's place that seems - much like ho1llr
As does that EeII-known, Grand Union Hotel
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
A Sheep Reared by a Dog.

The extent to which the character
of an animal can be changed by the
way in which it is brought up, has sell
dom been more remarkably illustrated
than in the case of sheep, which at
present is said by the Kokstaad Adver-
tiser, to be great pet of the Magistrate
at Mathticle, in South Africa. This
sheep, when lamb. left the flock, at
tached itself To Mr.. Watson, who
gave it TO be sucked by his bitch
beauty, bitch well known here, and
was well taken care of by her. When
the lamb grew older it was noticed
that it would never sleepin any house
but Mr. Watson's and would some
times lie outside the door cuddled up
like Watchdog. The most wonderful
thing about the animal is, that as soon
as the hotel bell rings for dinner he is
sure to be standing by one of the
chairs at the top end of the table, d
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14

Among the passengers in the stage
coach, stopped one day last spring by
road agents i'll Montana, was Buffa-
10 man who WIS out there to look
over the ground with view of estab-
fishing a clothing store. He was the
last one out of the coach and as he
was ordered to hold up his hands he
called out:
"Shentlemen, like to settle dis
case hk an honest mani
Keep your hands up''
IF | can't make an assignment to
my brudder Moses l settle nit you for
twenty cents on der dollar"
you shut up and shell OUT" was
the stern command"
'Shentlemens, continued the vic
tim, as he wriggled around, II hat
made three assignments und failed
seek times in peesness, und / never
vas treated like dis before. [ shall
now offer thirty cents on der dollar
und if you don't take him I'll go into
bankruptcy und my wife puts all der
cash into her StOckin't'
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14

Under date OF May, s ISIS, Col 5. F, TtRHtrs, OF
Dover n. H.. sends US the following: white on dutv
IN the army Of the Potomac In the swamrs Of the
ChjckaAominy contracted complication " diseases
that eliminated IN spinal truh|c, PARALYSIS SIDE,
aud severe disease Of the kidneys and Bladder and
great urina weakness. For hong time | Was undcg
1he treatment ~ The hest physicians and tried many
OF the Su-called remedies but received ne permanent
hencAt When was IN the drug business In Boston.
heard favorable accounts Of the efficacy ot Hunts
Remedy for diseases OF the kidney ana urinary organs
and having decided to give it trial purchased snulr
Wingates drug store Dover. \. H., and have rccr,
I'd great relief from using H.. The pains ii my
back removed and am able to steep SoUndly aUI
obtain rest at uiSEt-which for long time could
not do, and the weakness in the urinary organs has
been relieved and greatly regret that did test
the great merits OF Hunts Remedy when first
taken sick, as | confident il would have saved me
'ron several years Of sufrrrna and am more strou
convinced OF this after hearing Of the most remark.
shic cures effected Icy Hunts Remedy in ease ~
BrGht's Disease hcgt In our midst IN Dover. after thu
patient lad been pronounced iacraNIe 10y celebrated
physicians"
Mr. rlhhi,s Is retired druggist formerly located in
Boston and is = thoroughly rc}iahiN citScu.-CoK En.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1883-09-14
The Steamship Argosy in Storm.


The wind picked up the waves, >"
said. the captain, "and rolled them in
upon US in the form of gigantic
wheels. The wheels ran from end to
end of the deck and then seemed to
leap overheard, and afterward the
deck was seething with foaming drift.
Such thing | never saw before on
the Atlantic. I've seen typhoons in the
Chinese seas, the sou'west monsoon
in the Indian ocean and cyclones all
over the world, but never anything
like that. 1t was kind of water
spout picked up by whirlwind, and
the waves struck even the topSail yards
with tremendous force. Had any
man been about upon the deck at the
moment, he would either have been
smashed up against the bulwarks or
swept overheard, and nobody could
have saved him. Tons and tons of
water fell upon the deck and seemed
almost 10 try to burst through the ship
The fact that the Argosy was lightly
loaded saved her from laundering"