The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1883-02-17
THE MODEL HOTEL CLERK.

home Of the brave" knew them no more.
-MARGARET EYTING, IL Utrpers ITccLiH
THE MODEL HOTEL CLERK.
The model hotel clerk is a young man
who was originally created to fill an en-
peror's throne or adoln dukedom, but
when he grew up, there being fewer
thrones and dukedoms than there were
emperors and dukes, he was temporarily
forced to take position behind hotel
register. His chief characteristics are
dignity Of bearing, radiant gorgeousness
of apparel, haughtiness of manner and
.iewelry. His principal duties consists of
hammerine on the call bell, in handing
guests the wrong keys to their rooms,
and Of keeping a supply Of toothpicl.s at
the end OF the desk. When AL his time
is not taken up III the performances of
these ardu0us duties, he will coudescend
to explain to guest that he does not
know whether the north. bound train
leaves at 3 p NJ. or not, and if the guests
insists on enticing i, out of him, he will
probably hand him last yeal S official
railroad time table.
When a stranger comes in OH a late
train, jams his valse down on the coun-
ter, and approaches the register, The
hotel clerk, in preoccupied and austere
manner, turns the register and hands the
stranger a pen-a pen that las an im-
pediment in its legs, catches in the paper
and spiutters fragments of the guest S
name all over yesterdays arrivals
The clerk, after turning around the reg
lister and examining the signature to see if
it is genuine, expresses some doubt as to
there being vacant room i'll the house.
The stranger says he is bound to have a
room. The clerk retires behind the desk
and after consulting some pigeon-hoies,
concludes that the gentleman may have
No. l, 1872. He writes some hieroglyphics
on the register, and then he talks for
half an hour with the porter and the
baggage man about the trunk OF the
gentleman in No. 46 having got mixed
with baggage belonging to the gentle
man in No. Ga. When he gets that mat
ter arranged he sits down to polish and
admire the long nail that lie is cultiva-
ting on his little finger, and forgets the
gentleman tina. has rented No. 1,192,
until he is made aware Of his existence
by an impatient tap on the counter.
With the air of a martyr, and a sign that
expresses The fact that he considers the
whole travelling public his enemies, he
says : "Ah! would you like to 90 to
your ROOM There is about as much
hospitality in his tone as there is in the
voice of 4 bull dog when somebody treads
on his tail. 1t is not intended to be hos
pitable. 1t is intended to impress on the
mind of the stranger the fact that al
though he-the clerks passing poor
on $3.50 a week and board, yet he is
proud and is merely filling the ignoble
position he now occupies until he can
come into his dukedom. which includes
among it's perquisites a yacht on the
coast and shooting lodge in the high
lands of Scotland.
Then John showed the gentleman to
No. 1892.
No matter how crowded hotel is, the
hnta1 clarL al ENDS loft
for the late arrival. When the latter
kicks about it, when he is leaving next
day, because it was on the fifth floor,
and was furnished with nothing but a
bed, bar of soap, and a crack in the
ceiling, the clerk tells him that If he had
only been staying another day, he could
room in the house, which would be vaea-
ted after breakfast, by gentleman who
was leaving on the noon train. To our
certain knowledge, the gentleman has
been leaving that excellent-that best
room in the house" ever Tomorrow for
the last twenty years.
The hotel clerk is said to be distinctly
related to the railroad ticket clerk, but
this must be a mistake, having its origin
in the fact that there are certain traits
atrocities Of character common to both.
The hotel clerk has no relations. Not
one man in a Thousand can remember
ever having seen hotel clerks father
or uncle.
The night clerk is not SO gorgeous or
inclement as the day clerk. He wears a
smaller finger ring and Il larger boot.
His duties are not SO onerous as are
those of the day clerk He sleeps in a
chair near the stove or reads novels all
night, and his most important duty is to
wake up and speed the parting guests
who go off Oh the morning train.
The hotel clerk has much to try him,
and perhaps we would find many excu-
ses for what we consider his exaSpera-
ting pecularties, if we stood on his side
of the register and had the experience of
how it feels to be 4 target for the grumb-
ling, the fault-tinding, and the interroga-
tions of the average traveller who lives
on corn bread and bacon at home, but
bowls loud and long, because he does not
three times a day when he stops at a
hotel.