Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-03-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

A good judge of mutton ought to-
be wether wise. 81. /;
The foot pad and the liver pad
shrink from the light of,day.3~ !
A. verdant doNn-easter wouIdn'G
buy porous plaster that was full Of !
holes.
If the Darwinian theory holds good
in astronomy the finest comet is that
with no tail. i
Don't interrupt man in his talk
The natural limit of a mans life. Isl
three score years and ten, and he can't
go on forever.
The beauty of the Episcopal church
service lies in the fact that a man can
confess himself miserable sinner
without feeling lonesome.
"NOw," said the school trustee to an
applicant for q situation, eve know
that a C and d is vowels, but what
elS?" e
"Figures won't lie" That must be
the reason it is so hard to put car
pet down smoothly, and make it reach
into all the corners.-Burliogto1g
H0a0keye.
Doctor" said gentleman to his
pastor, chow can | best train up my
boy in the way he should go?" "By
going that way yourself" blandly re-
piled the pastor.
Noplace like home. -Barber-"Shall.
l give your head q touch with the
tongs, sur?"-Customer-"No, I thank.
you. My wife attends to that"
''But Freddie, how could you think;
of calling auntie stupid. Go to her,
at once and tell you are sorry" Fred
die goes to Auntie and says: "Auntie,
L am sorry you are so stupid"
A regular Turk.-Tommy (who has
just been operated UPON: Il mean to-
be dentist when I grow up" Aunt
Annie: "Why, dear?" Tommy: ''Tol
have revenge !"-Puoch.
"I know victim to tobacco" said a.
lecturer, ''who hasn't tasted food for.
thirty years" "HOw do you know he
hasn't?" asked an auditor. Because!
tobacco killed him in $780," was the
reply.
A conceited young lady,while airing.
her knowledge on different Subjects,
remarked: ''There is nothing made int
vain." ''You are" said youth stand!
ing near her. Am WHAT" said she.
"Maiden vain" replied the smart boy.i
"Why don't you come in out of theI
rain?" said good-natured dominic to,
a ragged Irishman. "Shure it's av no;
consequence, yer riverence," returned;
Pat me clothes is so full of holesi
they won't how'd wather."- AndreecS'i
Bazaar.
The borrower sold.-NIrs. Beau
champ Brown (wishing to borrow a
book, i'll persuasive accents: "Has3
your mistress 'Guizot's History of
France?'" Servant (slamming thel
door)-"We don't want no book agents
here"
Bulwer wrote: "Let your first eff
forts be, not for wealth, but indepen-,
dence. Whatever be your talents
whatever your prospects, never bel
tempted to speculate away, on chance,
of palace, that which you need as a,
provision against the workhouse."
A bright son of dyer in Birming-.
ham wooden factory went to New;
York few years ago in the employ
of r u j. By attention to-
business he advanced from post to post;
and now has the whole charge of thel
business and is millionaire. What;
became Of F. IL j is not stated
However, that has nothing to do with
the moral.
Ben Wade, when he was travelling
westward, interviewed lank country
man peddling cakes at a small station
in the alkali region. well, vas.
stranger, low we've got jest as fine
d patch o, country as can be fetched in:
Americy. l kalculatc all we need is
water and good society" "HumphI
that's all hell .22 -" answered the
crusty Senator. <ss7'zsS+