The times and democrat. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, 1883-12-27
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Astonishing genius-The wTiting-Has-
ter.
The dog has queer taste in matters esss
dress. he wears his pants IN hls
mouth.
& Brooklyn landlady called Liner boarder
sPhenix" because he rises from the
hashes and flies.
Herbert spencer's works sre appearing
in Japanese. We thought we had no
ticed little extracts. of them on tea chests.
-Sytings..
Gilpaa reading in paper that 'tfacts
are stubborn things" says there's no
particle of doubt but that bis wife Is .
fact. -sMarathqs Independent.
"overcome by gas" is the head1hsso
on a daily paper. We knew those re-
mendous gas. bills would kill somebody
sooner or later.-:Boston Bulletin.
= Wheinasked what she had for dinner,
she 1eplied "cold tongues And he.
Judged, by her manner, that there would
be some Of it left for supper.-Ohtodgos ss
Smy. "a
":For the noblest man that lives there
still remains conflict" sighed the phi
lospher, as he rolled up his sleeves pre- J:
paratory to carving o boarding. house
chicken.
They thought they heard burglars Ia :
the house last week, and IN going doWn
stairs to investigate, Bibbs said to his wife:
"You 90 first; it's mean man that would
shoot a woman. ."-Bost0n Budget.
Probably the meanest thing that q
man ever said was uttered by Fogg to-
day. Being asked his idea of the best
remedy for polygamy, he promptly re-
piled, "Mrs. Fogg."-Boston Transcript.
"Is this your dog, John 2" "No; he
belongs to Squire Smith. And between
you and me he's deal smarter than hls
owner" eyes; there are dogs Of that
sort. l have had several myseh."@-
Barper's Basar.
As part of the marriage ceremony In
Servia, the bride has to hold piece. Of
sugar between her lips as i sign that she
will speak little and sweetly during her
married life. The sugar soon meltsaway.
-Coxrie7-Jou7aal
"The surest way to take cold, said a
distinguished physician, is to thug the
stove.n Young men who 90 counting
on Sunday nights should remember this
and not spend all their time hugging the
stove.-Philadelphia Call.
A Yankee has invented new pro-
cess for lasting boots and shoes. If he
can last O ten-ycar-old boys shoes 50
that they will last two weeks without re-
curing half-solng he should open
branch Office in this town.-No7rlstoso7
Herald.
Matthew Arnold doesn't like para
graphs, and says American newspapers
have fragmcntary look to him. After
the American newspapers get through
with Matthew, he will have q fragmen-
tary look to his English friends.-Aer-
chant 1rareler.
"Oh. will he bite2" exclaimed one Of
Middletown's sweetest girls, with look
of alarm. when she saw one of the dane.
ing bears on the street the other day.
"No," said her escort, "he cannot bite
he is muzzled; but he can hug" "Oh,"
she said, with distracting smile, II
don't mind that. ."-IAuldietocn Trans
cript.
Said the robber, "No family jewels--none."
"Nonc, aid fearless la'iy, but one
A carbunclc-the setting fortune cost;
But It's we'll secured and cannot be lost" :.
"Ouick! hand NE the jewel, or else you shall
die"
Said the robber. with fiercely flashing eye.
al can't" said the lady, with smiling repose--.
"The carbuncle's fas;-on my husbands
nose" The Judge.
Americans are good listeners, says the
New York Hmr!J Of course they are,
and this habit of listening is encouraged
BY the fact that the dividing walls OF
houses are nowadays built so thin that by
putting your ear to the wall you can hear
what the couple in the next house say
when they are fighting with each other.
-Phim}eiphm Chronicle.
81 have a strong following" remarked
the burglar. as he shot down the alley
lust ahead of detective, two policemen,
a constable, and Il dozen stray citizens,
land think if ! can get out Of town
ahead of nv ticket I'm all right in the
country" And so he was, for he ran
into Il barbcd wire fence at the corpora
ton limit and they counted him In
Waehrye.
THE EDITOR AND HIS DAUGHTER.
Unto her pa, with face serene,
Said one Of Gothauls faireSt daughters:
"What does this old expression mean
This casting bread upon the watersF"
Her father, with q soft rarcss,
Replied, with carnestness surprising:
/" Nv dear, It's nothing more nor less
Than most judicious advertising"