davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1883-04-21
OUR AGENTS.

THE FREE TRADER may be obtained AT the io'
places by the single copy or subscriptions viii DC 'a"e
for any length of time at tho regular ratet'
r. H. PooLRE, Serena, III.
In THowBRID0R. Msrseilles.
oh USpERHILL, Seneca, H.
IT.VAs DonEs Grand Ridge
GyoRoK II. HERagR, for Troy Grove, Ophir and Wal
ham. Address. Troy Grove.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

The SNOWMAN who wants to
make a fortune this season won't
fool away his time on Jumbos.
living skeletons, fat women, mer-
maids, $4,000 beauties and that
kind of thing. He will lasso Tabor
and start on the grand tour. Let
him appear in one of those $3.50
senatorial night shirts and Tabor
will pay all expenses and insure a
dividend.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24
TIE LOSSES by firein this COZ

THE LOSSES by fire in this country
for eight years are put at $593, Az
800 by the New York Chronicle.
The annual loss, SAT, 1SO,951, is just
about the decrease of revenue which
is expected from the new tax and
tariff law, or nearly third of the
money required to support the
national government last year. The
average annual insurance payment
during the period named was ST.
OPP, 07O, more than half of the loss.
Treating the annual fire loss as a
tax on the people, the Chronicle
points out that it represents a
principal sum of sane, 455, 200,
drawing interest at SO per cent
five hundFed millions more than our
present interest bearing national
debt. Garelessness and crime being
the accepted causes Of the greater
part of this dead loss, intelligence
and vigilance should be able to re-
duce the tax in a very large meas
ure. But fire loss is believed to be
growing faster than the population.
We are unable to say whether tue
Chronicle and the insurance author
tiles generally place such disasters
as the Newhall House fire under the
head of carelessness or crime, but
such fires involve loss which is
not measured by money, and it is
net difficult to put them under the
proper head
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24
THE CONTENTS of the HERALD

THE CONTENTS of the HERALD
this morning are as follows:
lgr PAGE-Latest Telegrams-Commer-
cisl, etc.
ID PAGE - Telegraphic News - Crop
Reports-Cree Rrsids, etc.
Sd PAGE-Telegraphic News-The Irish
Obituary-A Gard Consequence,
4TH PAGE-Editorisls etc.
sra P4eE-Not in the Bill, etc.
6TH PAGE-Telegraphic News-Rsilrosd
Observation-Disclosures Park, etc.
TTH PAGE - Telegrsphic News - Prob
able Rumors-J. b. Payne, etc.
STH PAeE-The G. P. R. R.-Donnelly-
RoAcb-Local Items.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

The INDIANA legislature passed a
bill amending the law providing
that doors of public buildings shall
swing optWsrdly, by exempting
geminaries and school houses from
its operation. Governor Porter was
Of the opinion that therequirements
of the law should apply to semi
naTies and school houses above all
other buildings, and so he vetoed
the bill.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

The PRESENT Earl of Stamford
and Warrington, who lived long at
a place about ten miles from Cape
Town, for some time past has resided
in England, in a house of two
rooms. His present wife is a Hot
tentot, by whom he has had three
children. ''My lord" passes his time
picking up fir cones and pieces of
stick in the woods to keep fire
burning, while his children run
about barefooted and only partially
clad.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

a YOUNG man in Minnesota
public school, being required to de-
liver defamation on Friday after
noon, made a selection from the
writings of the famous disciple of
Beelezebub, Colonel Robert G. In
gersoll. AS a matter of course he
was censured, but the teacher went
further, and expelled him. The
boys father, who by the way, was
an infdel, referred the matter to the
state superintendent of public in
struction, who IN turn gave it to
the encouragement and he decided
that the boy was Illegally expelled.
He says if the teacher had specified
the sort of matter wanted the lad
must have prepared such, but as
long as no specification was made
the boy had the right to use any Of
Ingersoll's writings, such as were
neither vulgar nor immoral. The
Minnesota teacher is one of the men
who are perpetually helping the
cause they seek to injure. The
little incident recorded above will
be certain to give IngersOlls wri-
tings boom, both in and out of the
Minnesota schools, for everybody
will be anxious to learn what there
is that is bad, or whether there is
anything really bad in the infdel's
writings, and whatever influence for
evil there may be in them will
surely have its effect upon both old
and young.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

a bill has passed to be engrossed
in the legislature of Maine prohibit
ing the sale or giving away Of toy
pistols, under penalty Of not less
than five or more than one hundred
dollars, ard a liability for all
damages from such sale or giving
away.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

WESTERN UNION isn't the worst
stock man can hold. Last year
the company did a business of $18,-
89s,96S, of which $7,15O,OOe was net
proft-sbout nine per cent. on the
capital stock outstanding.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

GOVERNOR CLEVELAND, of New
York has exercised the pardoning
power in a questionable manner.
He as'pardoned a forger sentenced
to imprisonment for fifteen years,
on condition that the criminal will
abstain from the use of intoxicating
liquor for five years, the ferger's
crime having been the direct result
of intoxication. The Governors
motive is undoubd ly highly praise
worthy, but should the man break
his pledge, how would it be possible
to recommit the criminal to prison 7
In Ohio last winter the governor
pardoned convict upon the repre-
sentation of the prison officials and
physicians that the fellow was
dying; but it transpired that
the chap had deceived every
body, and was not at all sick,
whereupon the governor sought to
recall his pardon. The convict was
rearrested, and an attempt made to
recommit him on the ground that
the conditions upon which he had
been released had been falsiied.
The court, however, held that the
pardon was final, and the state was
obliged to stand by the misdirected
action of the executive, and accept
as citizen a known and notorious
criminal.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

OSCAR WILDE, while in this cOun-
try, wss close observer. He re
ports that at a ball in LeadYille, he
saw a notice posted over the piano:
please don't shoot the pianist; he
is doing his BEST"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

The SALVATION Array, in Eng
land, labors among criminals and
degraded classes. Many are saved.
Whenever one of the number falls
into his or her old habits, news
papers all over the world report the
fact. They love to chronicle vic
tories for their master.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

A NEW YORKER makes the humi-
liating confession that among the
restaurants Of that city, it is impos-
sible to find one that is neat and
clean and at the same time cheap.
If one IS clearly, it is expensive;
and if Il is cheap, it is dirty.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24

A SOCIETY has been formed in
England under the presidency of
the Archbishop of Canterbury,
which has for its object "the
Outstanding, simplifying ard
cheapening of funeral and mourning
ceremonials.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1883-03-24
THEDAILY herald Is published

svery morning, Mondays excepted, a.
East Temple Street, near First South
salt Lake City, by the = ERALD PRINT
ne AND PUBLsEIBe COMPANY. Sub
sC1irtion price, 5000 per annum, POST
sre included; parts OF a year st IN
= ssne rate. TO weekly subscribers
collecti1n made by carriers. Csc. 8 week
THE SEMI-WEEKLY HERA55LD is
published every Wednesday and Satur-
dsy morning, at $3.50 8 year; SIX
month";, $I.76; postage included.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20
A Mouse's Nest Made OF Bank Notes.

A workman employed at house
building at Is Avenue de Versailles, in
Paris, was disagreeably surprised the
other day to find that a sum of 1000
francs in bank notes he had hidden in a
cellar for safety had disappeared. The
pockot-book which had contained the
notes was there, lying open, but there
were no signs of the notes. On search
ing well, however, some small frag-
ments of paper were seen lying about,
and the master-builder, M. Picard, who
had come forward at once, thought that
mice might be the thieves. Following
the direction of the fragments he had
the flooring taken up of a room above
used as an office, and In which fire had
been lighted, and there near the stove
was found n mouse's nest lined with the
precious paper, nibbled into small
pieces. These were collected and taken
TO the Bank of France, where the notes
will be reconstructed If possible; and IL
the numbers can be ascertained other
notes will be given by tho bank in ex-
change for those lacerated. ed.-French
Paper.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-"Yes," said the landlord, pointing
TO his block of new houses, "they're all
full, 'cept the one ut the end. That s
last, but not leased"
German geographers propose TO
christen portion of the Northern ocean
the Nordenskjold sea. Don't, it's kjold
enough now .-LoOeU Courier.
Mrs General Tom Thumb would 90
shopping oftener than she does if she
had more money. Her husband is always
a little short.-M o. Rcayune.
The latest novelty is looking glas
upon whose surface can be found indi-
cations of clear sky or coming storms.
Such looking glass should be placed
upon the weather bureau. Philadeiphiq
BulLctiR.
--"Av ye plaze, sor," said Mrs. Nc
Carthy, "mc ould man sent me here for
to buy him u pair o shoes" "What
size" madamP' asked the dealer. 40,
the biggest yc have, shure, the ould
mans fate is unlimited. "-EieUated
Railroad Journal.
Fashionable young club men of New
York, sans aims and sans brains, who
ape the British snob i'm their dress, are
called dudes" We don't see much
economy in the new name. The old
title, "idots,n contains only one more
letter. -NorriStoUn Herald.
Fifteen genuine Sioux Indians, who
are seeing Gotham, amuse the people at
hotel by eating with their hands and
dressing outlandishly. As they wear
silk hats they think they are civilized.
This is very common mistake among
other people besides Indians. --LotoeU
Citizen.
"A Frcnchman, learning the English
language, complains of the rregularity
of the verb "to CO." the present tense of
which some wag had written out for him
as follows: "Igo, thou startest, he de-
parts. We lay tracks, you cut sticks,
they absquatulate or skedaddle."
Mrs Josiah Fender is very simple
sort of woman. An old gentleman by
tho name OF Ryckman and his wife
moved into the vicinity of the Fender
mansion, on Austin Avenue. Mrs.
Fender, who is very neighborly, baked q
nice cake and took it over to the new ar
rivals. 81 have brought over some cake
for Mr.. Ryckman's children" said Mrs.
Fender. 'But we have never had any
children" said Mrs. Ryckman. "Well,
then, give it to your grandchildren"
said Mrs. Fender, Teras SJtings.
1t is said that a word once spoken
isnever lost, but goes on circling around
the heavenly spheres forever and ever.
The stories. jokes and witty sayings now
doing duty were current with our fathers
and our fathers fathers. So with news
paper curiosties. Here is quaint dog
gerel that has just started afresh on its
endless round:
Miss Flora McFlimsoy McVeigh
Went sailing in Walabout beigh
When her lover met her, upset her, and wet her
All over with old oceans sprcigh.
Miss Flora she thought 1t quite rough,
And called her bold lover mough;
But her lover he caught her. and taught her
that water,
Like riches, is unstable slough.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

--Dr. Arnold said that he preferred q
Christian and gentlemen, an active
man, and one who has common sense
and understands boys, to high scholar
ship.
"A Tennessee school-master kissed
the girls rs punishment, and before the
trustees put stop to the practice ittook
him about an hour per day to requite
their disobedicnce.
One hundred and fifty italian chill
dren are attending Protestant Mission
Sunday y-school in New York City. An
Italian branch of the Young Mems
Christian Association of that city has
been organized.
"A tablet has been placed in the
Center Church, New Haven, in memory
of Rev. James Pierpont, of the class OF
1851 Harvard University, who was pastor
of the parish from 1856 to IVA. He was
one of the founders of Yale College.
I'm the kingdom of Siam all college
students are allowed but two wives
This is shameful. They are putting
more rules on every year. After while
they will probably be limited to one. The
freshmen should certainly kick. College
Mercury.
Professor Blackie once chalked on
his notice-board in college: "The Pro.
fessor is unable TO meet his classes to-
morrow A waggish student removed
the SC" leaving classes" When the
Professor returned he noticed the new
rendering. Equal to the occasion the
Professor quietly rubbed out tho ''l' and
Joined in the hearty laughter of the asses.
Mr.. Spurgeon, of London, has de-
clared himself against the Salvation
Army In the new number of his mag
azine he writes. "It is time that some
body spoke, now that the attempt is
made TO make men religious by turning
all religion into game of soldiers, Be-
cause they would not hinder anything
that promised well. Christian men have
borne with much that grieyed them, but
there is point beyond which long-suf-
fering charity cannot GO That point is
nearly reached; even the most ultra toll
Grant must feel that hope has been dis
appointed, and fear now takes its place"
bishop Coke, in q letter TO the Bu1a-
10 On. Y Express says the church wants
to coerce no clergyman into belief in its
creed, but it does insist that when he has
departed from the creed he shall go out
of the church. That is entirely reasona-
bic, and if the backslider, the progress
sionist, or whatever he thinks himself, has
any self-rcspcct he will voluntarily leave
the establishment he has ceased to be in
harmony with, and not wait to be invi-
ted or kicked out of it. And if his con-
gregation chooses to stand by him it will
do the same thing; not that it and its
favorte are notright, but that churches,
like other institutions, must be consist
ent and must stand by and vindicate
their articles of fath.-N. Y. Graphic.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20
GladstOne's Lost Finger.

Mr.. Gladstone is fond of the open air,
but field-sports have never been his
forte. II is not known that he ever rode
after the hounds, and for many years he
has not fired fowling- piece. The
and preserves, so dear to most English
men, is thus given by the London Stand
ard:
Dozens of members of Parliament have
probably sat in the House of Commons
with Mr.. Gladstone for years without
having noticed that, as the black silk
guard tied round his wrist indicates, he
has lost the index finger of his left hand
Like the famous Lord Anglesey's leg,
which was buried in the Belgian village
from which the battle of Waterloo takes
its name, Mr.. Gladstone left his lost
finger, in sportsman's sense, on the
field of honor.
Nearly forty years ago he was staying
at Eserick Park, near York, as the
guest of the grandfather of the present
Lord Wenlock, who was the uncle of
Mrs. Gladstone.
Mr.. Gladstone went out shooting rs
one of large party, and while he was
loading his gun-there were no brccch.
leaders in those days-one barrel cX-
ploded and blew away his finger.
There was no hope of replacing it or
of setting the bone, which, indeed, was
entirely carried away, and from that day
to this Mr.. Gladstone has always worn
the black !inger-stall to which VIC have
Just alluded.
The accident seemed to be protest
against his further use of fowling-
piece; but it was not until some years
later that he took to the amusement of
cutting down trees.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A gentleman in Brooklyn, celebrat-
ing the birth of a daughter on the
day of the opening of the bridge, pro-
posed to call her Victoria, in honor of
the Queens birthday, whereupon Il
friend suggested that more appro-
pirate name would be Bridget.-New
York Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

"Ef it took as much oh a struggle
ter git drunk as it does ter git sober,
| neber would hab laid out in de rain
all night. De machinery oh dis life
is mighty contrary arrangement.
De thing dat yer oughtener do is
mighty easy, but de things yer ought
er 'complish is powerful hard. Ar
kansas Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

At fashionable wedding in New
York the ceremony was performed
under floral umbrella. This was
probably little suggestion of the
brides mother, who wanted the groom
to understand by the emblem that he
ought to put up something for a rainy
day.-Hartford Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

An old lady was asked her opinion
about Mrs. Smith, her next door neigh
Dor. "Well," she said, 81 am not the
one to speak i'll of anybody, but |
feel very sorry for Mr.. Smith. -
Rochester Post Express.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

Notwithstanding the proverbial i'll
luck of the number thirteen, the thir-
teen American colonies got along
pretty well together. Most Of the
misfortune has come since they in
creased their number.-EX.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

The season has arrived when the
funny farmer will send his city cOu-
sin a package of shoe pegs bearing
the label, Fresh oats. IN. Y. Com
mercial Advertiser. The city might
retaliate with some pig iron marked,
Fresh shoats. ."-Houghton Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A Scotch parson said, somewhat
sarcastically, Of hard drinker, that
che put an enemy in his mouth to
steal away his brains, but that the
enemy, after a thorough search, re-
turned without anything. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

"What Il bore jenkins isw ex-
claimed Connery; 'just met him, and
he talked about that confounded horse
of his for half an hour, and / could
not get word in edgeways about my
new dog"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

a burglar who has climbed up to II
garret window OH q ladder is arrested
by voice shouting: Hello, there,
what do you want p "May | ask
you for a glass of water ?'-Fliegen-
dc Blatter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

Isn't it strange that VIC never hear
of dynamite being used in Egypt,
where there are more Nileists than
anywhere else in the world.-Balti-
more Every Saturday.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A smart young man picked up n
flower in a ball room after all the
girls had gone, and sang pathetically :;
"'Tis the last rose of some her. The
Drummer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A gray-headed employo on the Me
tropolitan Railroad is called "silver
top" being tip-top conductor.-Bos-
ton Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

There is probably no sadder scene
on earth than is presented when the
summer boarders, after praising in
glowing terms the delightfully."- fresh
flavor of their garden sass at their
hotel, come suddenly upon the refuse
heap hack of the kitchen, and see the
tin cans which have contained those
vegetables fresh from the garden
during the last twelve months.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

"A San Francisco broker feared to
exhibit genuine money in his window and
therefore had brass counterfeits and inn
itated greenbacks made. He must have
exhibited too much, for twice in two
weeks the seventy dollar plate-glass
window has been broken by hoodlums
desirous of making off with what they
thought must be enormous riches =
San francisco Chronicie.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

There seems to be no call for an
exhibition of grief at circus. Yet
the audience is always in tiers.-Bos-
ton Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A land agent wanted a Kentucky
farmer to emigrate to Dakota, as he
was not making his living in the old
Commonwealth. "What inducements
do you offer? ?" asked the farmer.
ave have the richest lands, the finest
wheat, the best water, the fattest stock
and the biggest farms in the world"
"Yes," doubtingly interrupted the
farmer. "Why, man, on those big
farms they plough furrow five miles
long" THAT ends it, stranger
Don't talk Dakota to me. It's all
can do to plough one of these little
fifty-yard burrows here in Kentucky,
and if il was five miles long / never
would get to the end of it. Gee, whoa,
Buck, git up there" and he started
across the patch, leaving the agent
sitting on the fence.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A man whose best works are always
trampled under foot-a carpet man
Observation-Disclosures Every Satur-
day.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

Why are seven days like a spell of
sickness? Because they make one
week.-The Drummer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

1t is easy to make the dull boy
smart. Cut his finger and apply salt
water.-Phiadelphia Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

1t takes some headwork to manage
"a scull. Boston Courier,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

The plumbers motto--pay the piper
New York World.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20
Advertising Rates.

business Cards, one year, one dollar for every line.
Local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion,
snd all notices continued for three months longer,
q discount Of 2S per cent.
Advertisements unaccompanied by verbal OF written
directions viii be published three months.
Advertisements, under contract, ordered out 10
kre expiration of time win be charged full rates.
No paper discontinued until all arrearages paid,
a cept at the option q the publisher.
Transient advertisements must be paid in advance.
T6-rerms CASH, payable quarterly.
only Metal Cuts Inserted.
Prices and Terms alike TO all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A girl of the period-a female COM
positor.-Boston Globe.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1883-06-20

A smart travelling man from Chica-
go tried to paralyze dining-room girl
at Fort Dodge, Iowa, during the snow
blockade. At dinner one day be
ordered sponge soup" and quail on
fence" The girl went to the kitchen
and got a quail and built fence on
the plate out of kindling wood. Then
she got a piece of sponge from the
bathroom and put it in the soup, and
served his order in the presence of
several other travelling men, who gave
him the general laugh. The landlord
charged him 81 extra for serving ar
ticles not on the bill Of fare, and it
cost him SO for cigars and drinks to
keep the matter quiet.-Ex.