Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1883-02-17

TINE I0E. Ma amt 10 OI6tu6 IOr Gil t0
young ones in this town. but she ha
got up . reputation, and when we hea
the bell ring in the night ma gets VI
and begins to put on her clothes, ant
Tie next morning she comes in tn
dining room with q shawl over he,
head and says fits a girl and weigh
ten pounds or a boy, if irs's a boy
baby. Ma was out on one of her pro
fessional engagements, and / got il
| bed with pa. ! had heard pa blame
ma about her cold feet, so l got a plec,
of ice about as big as q raisin box, Jus
zackly like one of mas feet, aud 1 laid
it right against the email OF pas back
l couldn't help laffing. but pretty soor
said: "Why'n ell don't you warm
them feet before you come TO bed, and
then be hauled back his leg and kicked
me clear out in the middle of the floor,
and said If he married again he would
marry a woman who had lost both feel
In q railroad accident. Then 1 put the
Ice back III the bed with pa and went
to my room, and in the morning pa
said he sweat more'n q pailful in the
night. Well; you must excuse me.
have an engagement to shovel snow of
the sidewalk. But before l 60 let me
advise you not TO drink aignogg. and
don't sell tom cats for rabbits" and be
got out of the door just i'll time to
miss the rutabaga that the grocery
nan threw ut him.
BIS PA GOES SKATING.
"What broke your pa up ut the rol'
Ter skating rink ?" asked the grocery
man.
"Oh, everything broke him up,"
said the bad boy. "He is split up so
ma buttons the top Of his pants to his
collar button, like q bicycle rider.
Well, he no business to have told me
and my chum that he used to be the
best skater In North America, when he
was a boy. He said he skated once
from Albany to new York In an hour
aud eighty minutes. Me and my chum
thought if pa was such q terror Oh
skates we would get him to put on a
pair of roller skates and enter him as
the great UNKNOWN and clean out the
whole gage. We told pa that he must
remember that roller skates wsre diff.
ferent from ice skates, and that mavbe
he couldn't skate On them ; but he said
it didn't mako any difference what they
were a. long as they were skates, aud
he would just paralyxe the whole
crowd. So we got a pair of big roller
skates for him, and, while we were
strapping them on, pa he looked at the
skaters glide around on the smooth
waxed floor just as though they were
creased. Then pa looked at the skates
on his feet, after they were fastened
sort OF ferlorn like. the way q horse
thief does when they put shackles on
legs. and I told him if he was afraid he
co lldn't skate with them We would
take them of; but he said he would
beat anybody there. or bust a suspen-
der. Then we strengthened pa up and
pointed him toward the middle Of the
room, and he said 'leggo,' and we Just
give him a little push to start him, and
he began to 60. Well. by gosh, you'd
q died to have seen pa try to stop.
~ see, You can't stlOklln your heel and
stop. like you bal on ice.skates, AL pa
soon found that out, and he began to
turn sideways, aud then he threw his
and walked on his heels, and he
lost bis hat. and his eyes began to
stick out, cause he was going right
an iron post. One arm caught
post and he circled around it a few
times, and then he let 60 and began to
tall. and sir, he kept falling all across
the room, and every body got out OF
the way except a girl, aud pa grabbed
her by the p~olsnsise like q drowning
man grabs at q straw. though there
wasn't any straws in her polonaise rs |
know Of. but pa just pulled her along
az though she was done up In a shawl
and his feet vent out from
under him, and he struck OIL his should
.rs and kept agoing, with the girl
dragging along like a bundle Of clothes,
Ii pa had had another pair OF roller
on his shoulders, and casters on
his ears, he couldn't have slid along
any better. Pa is a short, big man,
and as he was rolling along GU his
back, he looked like a sofa with casters
on being pushed across a room by a
girl. Finally pa came to the wall and
had to stop, and the girl fell right
across him, with her roller skates in
his neck, and she called him an old
brute, and told him if he didn't let 90
of her poloanlse she would murder him.
Just then my chum aud me got there
and We amputated pa from the girl and
lifted him up. and l told him for heav-
gu sake to let US take off the skates.
'causs he couldn't skate any more than
\ cow, and pa was mad aud said for US
to let him alone, and he could skate all
and we let 90 and he struck out
Well, sir, 1 was ashamed. An
old man like pa ought to know better
than to try to be a boy, This last time
pa said he Was going to spread himself,
ii l am any judge of a big spread he
did spread himself. Somehow the
skates had got turned around sideways
his feet, aud his feet got to going IN
different directions, and pals feet were
getting so far apart that l was afraid |
would have two pas half the size, with
one leg each. l tried to get him to
take up a collection of his legs, get them
both i'll the same ward, his arms flew
around and one hit me on the nose, and
[ thought if he wanted 10 strike the
best trend he had he could run his own
legs himself. When he began to sem
arate | could hear the bones crack: but
maybe 1t was his pants, but anyway
he came down on the floor like one Of
those fellows in a circus who spreads
himself, and he kept going, and finally
he surrounded an iron post with his
legs, aud stopped, and looked pale,
aud the proprietor of the ring told "a
if he wanted to give a flying trapezs
performance. he would have to 90 to a
gymnasium, aud he could not skate on
his shoulders any more, cause other
skaters were afraid OF him. Then pa
said he would kick the liver Out of the
proprietor of the rink. and he got up
II steadied himself, and then he tried
to kick the mau. but his heels went up
to wonce, and pa turned . back somor-
sault and struck right on his vest in
front, l guess 1t knocked the breath
oat OF him, for he didn't speak Tor a
few minutes, and then he wanted to 90
home. U. the work we had to get pas
clothes of. He had cricks in his back,
and QVarU III hopo aud mn -o -