Connecticut western news., 1883-04-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

Frank |? He is generous to a fault.
 "Yes," said Fogg, eff the fault happens to be his own. "-BoSton Tr'anscript. l A NEW YORK tailor says that when he desires to get rid of a poor-paying cus- toner he mistits him so badly that he is laughed at. Then he gets mad and patronizes some other tailor.
 ABOUT the only thing it is safe to conn., mence to read now without first looking at the last paragraph for patent-medi- cine attachment is tho dictionary or 2OO-year old Bible. e.-Noristo,on Heratd. A YOUNG man should always want to see himself as others see him, and doing so he will find that his ears never seem so big as they do in spring time, after he has had his hair cut for warm weather.
 | How much pleasanter this world would be to live in were it as easy to go to bed | at night as it is to remain there in the morning, and as easy to get up in the | morning as it is to talk of getting up when you go to bed.
 IT is reported that Texas pastor de- clined an increase of $100 year upon his salary on the ground that the hard | est part of his labors heretofore had been to collect his pay, and 1t would Kill him to collect $100 more.
 MRS. PART1NGToN may take back | seat. A Georgia farmer recently an- nounced that he was about to build a "condition" to his house for " concep- tion room" wherein to entertain hls guests ain "hostile manner.-Bdtta- more Sun.
 AT Irkutsk, Siberia, they sell milk by the block, each block having stick frozen into it for convenience in carrying | it. You can get milk with stick Tn It in this country, but the stick does not always make it easier to carry. It often
 has an effect directly the contrary.
 ACCORDING to the Cincinnati En-
 qtsirer tramp refused to saw wood tor
 his dinner, giving as reason that ne
 was bitterly opposed to the destruction of our forests and would do nothing to encourage that kind of business. Ana he walked off picking his teeth.
 CONGRESSMAN FLOWER, of New York,
 has returned to the Treasury $45S.50 of
 his salary to cover the time when he was
 absent from duty. Would it be out of
 place to remark that the time the coun-
 try can best afford to pay for is the time
 when Congressmen are absent ?-Lo'oett
 Courier. .e..
 AN Englishman who has been living
 here some time was told lately by one of
 his countrymen that he must be irresis-
 tiblv drawn to America. "Oh, no, was
 the response; ''that is not the reason of
 my long stay; am irresistibly over
 drawn on the other side. ."-Sprsnaf'eSd
 Republican.
 PEOPLE often wonder why country ed-
 itors always wear 8 belt to hold up thelr
 pants, instead of wearing suspenders.
 It's the most simple thing in the world.
 When an editorgets word from his house
 that there's nothing on hand for dinner
 he simply tightens up his belt one hole
 and says nothing.
 AT THE cafe: "Waiter, take away
 this soup; it's as cold as ice." "Oh,
 you must be mistaken, sir l tasted 1t
 as was bringing it, and it's nice and
 hot, sir" "Tasted it Y "Oh, no, sir Beg pardon, sir, wouldn't think of do-
 ing such thing, sir I only put my
 finger into it, sir "
 THOSE who write for sample copies oi . the 7ranscr5ot please enclose postage stamp, not for publication. but as an evi- dence that they don't take us for bald headed philanthropist with gold headed cane and an income of $700, ,0OC
 & year. who is printing paper fol
 amusement and paying the postage fol } fun.
 ? JAY GouID wanted some of his Stocl Exchange friends to suggest name fol { his new steam yacht, in which he will g' i to Europe in June, and w. R. Traver a suggested "Wings." "Why !" asked - MT. Gould, "why should I call i , "Wings ?" Because" said MT. Tray l CTS, as he prepared to leave suddenly t he had to, "because riches have wings. T FATHER" said Johnny, "this pape l says that many prominent citizens ar z now ill with pneumonia and kindred ;. diseases. What is kindred diseases # father?" "Why, my son, said Smithy
 "a kindred disease is-is-why--yes 1t yes a kindred disease is one that run ~ e through an entire family-kindred, rels Q tives, you know. Surprised you didn ii know that, Johnny"
 d THE St. Pau Pioneer, in speaking ( e the estate of Matt Carpenter, says: ". " small part of his magnificent library hs : been saved for his son Paul, who l. marked for his fathers profession, if nc h for his honors. It was Paul who sal oI some years ago in Washington, whe u n asked what he would be when he gre ,d up: 'Oh I would like to be coachmar SIS but suppose I've got to be Senator. IT. AN indignant landlord writes deman' or ing the name of the party who first SUI h. gested putting coils of rope in sleepin ,h rooms as a protection against fire. H ke says he provided every bedroom in h ie house with a coil of rope, and the fir nd night three of his guests lowered the is baggage from the sixth story windo nd and skipped, leaving several days boa n, bill unpaid. He allows that beil nD r0 burned to death is bad enough, but ru on ming hotel for fun is good deal wors ns THEY were Boston couple, who h'