The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1883-02-02
sPLINTBRs.

D A baby in Ohio that was fed on ele-
plants milk gained twenty pounds in
one week. 1t was the baby ele-
phant. col. u lu-... .-r.
"Ah, me- sighed pawnbroker's
wife, ''what loans-aum life we
lead!"
The world is apt to coo in your ear
like dove when you are rich, but if
you happen to be poor it kicks like a
mule. ,.., ... a....
Professor in hydrostatics -"If you
had purchased crown of gold and
thought part Of it was. silver what
wonld you do?' Junior-'Take it
back. .1" wot
live been heron bad thins," said
one big bird to another. Lets stork
about something else," was. the re
spouse -.a.E ...sa4 OBJ s5-t
4 Did Dan.yell in the lions den?--
Holpet. You can re-lion that
J0ledo .4nericaa, .rs....r L. ,..5
During the ninth waltz, Oscar point
ING to his boots, remarked TO Feliciana:
"You cant say / have no polish
',No'o said she. 'but you shine at the
wrong end. o.. t- ..
"IIannah,' said a Brooklyn lady to
her new servant, "when there is any
bad news always let the boarders
| know of it before dinner Such little
things make great difference in the
eating IN the course OF year" .-
a"
Don't YOU think that Miss Brown is
a very sweet girl asked Henry. sob,
yes, very sweet, replied Jane ''ihat is
10 say, she is well preserved, ",-Boston
Transcript. -.4......,, '.....,,,
The first cat that was taken to Gun
nison City sold for SIG, but the first
man in that town who killed cat was
presented with purse of $50 There
is no show in this country for the cat
cat to get ahead. - Detroit Free
Press. sa H' Nr.t $3.50
The Yale College faculty have de.
clared that here after, when seniors or
sophomoreS injure freshman, the
guilty parties shall be punished Just as
il they had injured a human being
l A'"''" ''9 9"'"Uo' .
A street car conductor carelesslv
carried his bell punch home and allow
ed his children to play with it, The
next day. when the company informed
: him than he was nine million, nine
hundred and ninety-niue fares short,
his hair rose so rapidly that his hat, in
banging against the ceiling, broke out
fifteen yards Of plaster Boston Trav-
elor u.....r ........ .....
. She went uto a store TO buy some
: toilet soap, and when the clerk was ex-
plating on its merits, about made up
\ her mind to purchase; but when he
said lit would keep off chaps"
she remarked she didn't want that kind
Il -CamJrid9e TifJuns. .-a.. .a
Wigg'esworth met Kelly on the
D street this morning, Il notice that
Colonel Buck is dead'' said Kelly. 81
> want TO know !! exclaimed Wiggles-
{ worth did he leave any money!
"Oh, yes" lIow much q "All he
. had, -R0cklaad Courier. .... IND
A failure establishes only this, that
our determination to succeed was not
: strong enough. '. 1Hj
u Every human being has a work to
n carry on within, duties to perform, in
Z, huences to exert, which are peculiarly
: hs and which no conscience but his
z own eau teach, ..........,
- If You would relish food, labor for
i it before you take it to enjoy cloth
4 ing, pay for it before You wear it, il
,, you would sleep soundly, take clear
! conscience to bed with you. 80
a A man running for office in Texas
# was detected drinking water and was
-; defeated by the biggest majority eyei
Il | known ip the district. h y!
!, 'I'm the light of ihis menagerie =
:, cried the tapir. Then the other beasts
~ wanted to pnt him out Louisville
n Courier journal. H. ..,. .lr. r.l
a A Texas Judge kncked six months
Vi oh a ninety nine years sentence in or
I'd Ter to show the prisoners friends that
n he was willing tc give him chance.