River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1883-06-07
ADJECTIVE Society Renorter.

Scene in editorial rooms of the Kala-
uazoo Kalsominer. j. Grower, mana
ging editor to city editor" Say, SMITH
What asinine idiot did you send over to
Jenkins last night to do up that private
masquerade" 'Let me seel Why, the
lew man, DeCourcy, believe" "Send
the momental ass to my room when he
comes in; l want to see him." Half an
hour later DeCourcy arriv es from re-
porting dogfght out in the country
(the sporting editor having gone to
smuggling match, and with fear and trem-
bling approaches the inner sauctum.
See here, Mr.. DeCorsets! want to know
what you mean by sending in copy
of that kind" The new man" mildly
corrected the pronunciation of his cog
nomen, and asked what was the matter
with his work. "What's the matter?
Why. Hades and Demultionl Read it,
man, read i'll never saw anything so
horribly unfinished in all my life, Mr..
De Snorkyl Never, sir, neverl ~ The
embryo Jenkins read it carefully and
handed it back, say ing, well, Mr..
GROWER, the article seems to be all right.
1t reads pretty well, l flatter myself"
"Pup-pup pretty well; nonsensel
Listen to this rot now: and the
spacious parlors were adorned with natu-
raj flowers" Now, Mr.. Recherche, thst
is nice language for journal of the Kali
sominer's standing to print now, isn't it?
You are a fine djectiye-slinger, you
arel Why, you bemuddled snoozer,
you, my little boy ten years of age
20 Ar,1 he
gorgeous suit of Orientally draped par
lors, whose walls were one solid mass of
dazzling plate-glass, mirrors from mar
bled wainscotting to frescoed ceiling,
were festooned from cornice to peristyle
and from bracket to archihave, these
terms never mean anything special, but
they are stock expressions and should
always be rung in somewherel with tee
rarest exotics ('exotics," man, "exot-
ics"-always "exotics'i) gathered at
fabulous expense from the four corners
of the earth, and arranged in the most
skillful and attractive manner Known
to the florists art" Now, don't you
see how very consumptive flowers
sound, when compared with the rich,
rolling Eek ot-ics?' De Courcy faltered
forth shaky affirmative. TO resume,
what do you say after flowers?
OduCiHR NdS luuuIScu III uutll D d. Iis
Oh, my stricken soull Not single
reference to the subtle perfume?
Where did you serve your apprentice
ship? Don't you know, my dear Mr..
DeCustard, that society report without
subtle perfume in it is like the play
of Hamlet with Hamlet left out? |
might have overlooked the use of the
word flowers in lieu of exotics.' but
the absence of the subtle Perfume
never! You should have gone on, after
flowers COR 'eXotics0, in this wise:
whose subtle perfume quickened
the ravjshed senses of the gay masquerL
always remember to spell il with a ''q')
who now abandoned themselves TO ter
sichorean revery-as the dreamy, SEN
suous waltz, the dashing polka, and the
allurng galop, was discoursed in heaven
~ strains by superb orchestra-until
the wee sma hours C'Wee sma' hours"
is Il ''bulls eve" on the gentle reader,
every t;me) arrived, and the leaden
morning rays gave the hitherto dazzling
gaslights in the crystal chandeliers a dull
oistre appearance. 'Bistre' is the cor
rect Kibosh, my son, and rounds off the
article with an appropriate contrast.
Now, Mr.. DeGoosey, in view of these
lucid instructions, do you think you will
be equal to the "choice, exotic, subtle
perfume, sensuous waltz and bistre'
racket in the future?" DeCourcy thought
it over and made up his mind that he
would be gigantic failure as an Eek
oticer," subtle perfumist," or de-
lineator of "bistre" -some effects, and
sadly rendered his resignation as $50
ciety reporter" on the paper. He is
now chief custodian of the cuspidor and
grand broom wrestler extraordinary in
the Kalsomincr office, at salary of So
per week and "found'-in old exchanges
for use as a sleeping mattress, quilts, pill
ow, etc Life.