Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-05-20
DEPARTMENT OF MOMUS.
Budget of Choics Eumor and Witty Sc
lectlonS,

jackson SIOcWnt Joins tie naseRS.
have Joined the Masons, that free and
unsupported fraternity, who helped King
Solomon build his beautiful temple with
out making any noise, and which has kept
on existing from that time to this because
OF Ie Unseemly jealousy of three strikers,
who ambuscaded Hiram, a msster-work-
ma1 thereon, and because the brotherhood
never told their wives thing about their
doings except that they had been attending
"a session of the lodge" working q new
degree" or Sitting up with sick brother"
which every Mason's wife believes when
the paterfamilias' breath gives nothing
away but the aroma of Havana cigars
and the Durham breed of tobacco.
1 am now free and acceptable portion
of this ancient and mysterious order, or
whatever it is, and they call me Brother
Slocum, as though they were my relations
by blood, and what I don't know about
signs by daylight, am able to detect in
the darkest dark.
have run boy circus in a dry goods
box: gone through the iron boiler of the
Sons of Malta and had steel spikes clinched
and turned under Oh the top of my skull,
and could make any mule wink and flop
his ears IN either hemisphere; have swal-
lowed the whole Greek alphabet and Latin
lexicon in after twilight college seances,
and bear the scars of the bill of fare of al
most every secret organization, dead or
living, but this Masonic arrangement of
the ancient fathers, instituted before the
shepherd David lyred King Saul out of
his sulks, and which besides bone tooth
pick, fne-tOot comb and a corkscrew,
has carried plumb, level, square and
compass in it's pocket ever since, distances
and defes them all.
From the time l stole my filst water
melon to the time l came into the full ze-
NTH Of knowledge concerning these queer
men, q Mason wes a wonder to me, and
time and again l had pumped and ST
phoned various persons to obtain some
idea of the institution and its machinery,
but had been foored by the mystic word
num-" and found every avenue of re-
search as close shut as a Long Island clam
when the tide was out.
III a fit Of desperation l petitioned the
''sindicate' for pass over their lines, and
though I had the proper vouchers, it took
them full year to settle whether was
properly qualified in the human herd book
to be entered for first heat of the socie-
ty's thoroughbred colts.
When ali hope had deceased 1 unexpect-
edly received summons to present my
self at convocation of grand encamp-
ment on Mount Borax, whose summit I
trembingly attained after climbing five
pair OF stairs and taking relay over a
iortyfoo ladder.
Judge of my surprise when 1 found my
self surrounded by lots of my acquaint
ances, none of whom, however, 1 could
remember of having victim1zed
by raising check, owing n
borrowed pistareen for cigars, shooting
his dog or hens, drafting for supplies on
his wood pile, forgetting to ante up that
little bill, or even saying that his wife
better be at home patching the trousers of
his juvenile posterity instead of selling
sour Strawberries and unripe cream at a
festival, or raising subscription IN oney for
the amelioration of the Patagonian hot
tentOts.
They conducted me as they said to their
''aantie's-coom, where five or six sober
faced chaps clad in Merrimac sheeting
restaurant aprons, stood in military line
awaiting my arrival
When 1 went in they all faced each other
and yelled marrow bones," and then turn
ed back summersaults. Then a plump
fat fellow, who sat in the corner and seem
ed to be the chief cook, arose and ap-
preaching me said in half-breed voice
between thunder-clap and locomotive
whistle:
"Nazarine, from the wild wilderness of
common life what would'st thou here!"
Bring me a sirloin steak rare done and
cup of coffee right away, and in about
six months piece of apple pie, and in
about year from now a bowl of bovine
water" said 1.
Sinner from the outer world" cried he,
while his eye shot forth Iivid EARTHQUAKES.
''you are no longer in a Third street pie,
mill-advance!'
| advanced
"Will You give up everything and glue
yourself to this ORDER"
said: Not i the court knows itself:
mere Is large and interesting family. nv
C9g Rover. two barrels of CT
4 brother interrupted and told me this
was but mere matter of form.
The fellows in the aprons all groaned,