Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1883-06-13
PLEASANTRIES.

dudes have brought the girls.-Hort-
ford Post.
1T is a mean wretch who will slyly
drop hair switch in a car loaded with
women, and then smile as he sees every
woman make a grab for the back Of her
head when she notices Ph5LddeIoI5iG
Herald.
AND now the small boy gazeth adj
miringly at the gorgeous circus poster,
and he importuneth his mother for her
hard-earned savings, and when she re-
fuseth he abstracteth her fat-irons and
selleth them for old metal.
tTHE tiny cochineal insect gives his
body to be ground into paints and
dyes" - Scientific Exchange. It
would be more remarkable if the bug
would permit its elf to be ground into
paint and refuse to Pittsburgh
Telegraph.
"YoU know I'm in a great hurry"
says an American amateur to a French
artist; "I want to take your picture to
America before the new tariff goes into
operation. Sign your picture and Twill
have it finished over there
RICH uncle to his physician: $50 you
think there is hope for me? "Not
only that, but can assure you that you
are saved. "Very well; wish you
would inform my nephew, but break
the news very gently to him."
AFTER popping the question, next in
order is to question the pop.-Does your
son play the flute? Not well; but he is
under tootle-age. O'clock worked stock
ings are not necessarily secondhand
stocking. -NeW York World.
"WHEN I look at the quackery and
speciosity of the times, I determine to
cast all tolerance to the Winds" said
Carlyle in conversation just reported.
"My dear fellow, said Sterling, slyly,
81 had no idea you had any, to cast"
go YES" said the contented man, 81
am just as well satisfied that my horse
isn't as fast as some. When I owned
trotter that could get away with anything
on the road [ was in front all the time
and didn't half enjoy myself, Now / am
behind most of the time, and see all the
fun"
PARsoN: "T'm sorry to hear, Full
locks, you have parted from your wife. "
Fullocks: "It warn't my fault, sir.
Fust she gi' me three months for break
in Ell jaw, then she gil me six for a IF
KILN on her, then she bound me over to
keep the peace-an' [ couldn't STAN it
no longer"
A LITTLE boy went into the country
on a visit. About the first thing he had
was a bowl of bread and milk. He
tasted it and then hesitated moment,
when his mother asked him if he did
not like it; to which he replied: Yes,
ma; was only wishing our milkman
kepta cow"
You say your wife gets mad and raises
a row." 81 should say she did. She
makes enough fuss to run freight train
forty miles an hour" /" But if you knew
she was in the habit o getting mad why
did you marry her?" Because if I
had held back she would have got mad
der than ever"
Papa" What! Jimmy, you smoke?
and what do you smoke, pray ?"
Jimmy-"I smoke cubebs." Papa
"And why do you smoke them ?"
Jimmy" Oh! They are good for bad
cold" Papa" How often do you have
bad cold ?" Jimmy-"Oh whenever
you give me ten cents. life.
THINGS one would rather not have
said: Mrs. A.-"Come and lunch with
US tomorrow. You will be interested in
the schoolmaster's BRIDE" Mrs. B.
sob, yes; how do you like her? ?" Mrs.
Avery well, only she's little un-
used to the ways of society. Ishouldn't
ask her to meet nice people. "-Fgjegende
Bl0tter.
lHE stage beard looks as much like a
beard that grew there as cows tail
would if tied to the bronze dog on the
front porch. When you tie heavy
black beard on young actor, whose
whole soul would be churned up if he
smoked full-fedged cigar, he looks
about as savage as bowl of mush and
milk struck with club.
The Latest anecdote about the old
lady who thinks that she s'knows every
thing is about how she went to church
sociable, and as she entered the room the
young ladies said F'Good evening, Aun-
tie, we are,glad you came we are gong
to have tableaux this evening" eyes
[ know, know" was the reply, ST smelt
'em when first came in"
''WHo is this Tom Moore that Palmer
has been plagiarizing from ?" asked one
Yale senior of another. Blessed if I
know" was the reply; 81 have looked
over the college records, but failed to
find any such name," and then they
went into the gymnasium and began
pounding each other with boxing gloves.
-ROcheSter PoSt-ErpreSS.
A NERVOUS old gentleman, driven half
distracted by the cries of fish vender
who was yelling ''Porgies porgies %
beneath his window, thrust out his head
and shouted eff you'll stop your in
fernal noise I'll give you Job worth
money" "What is it ?" asked the por-
gy fend. "Why, to come and teach
our church choir how to sing"
A WEST HILL man bought three dogs
of South Hill neighbor, promising to
pay SIS for them. Long time the seller
dunned the buyer, until at last, in hope
less despair he was forced to compro-
mise. "See here, he said, ''I'll tell
you what I'll do. III take S. right now
lo.,1 ~A,ll 1clNA ~