The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1883-08-03
The Daily Bulletin.
WIT AND HUM0R.


one place much hotter than the Brook
lyn Bridge at noon.
An exchange speaks Of a man who sis
but one step removed from an ASS"
He'd better make it three or four. The
animal has II long reach backward.
Carmine tinted foreheads and chinsa are
the latest craze among the New York
bellies, To this complexion have we
come at last.
"Some new picnic baskets are lined
with white satin. So says fashion
note. For color we would suggest crush
cd custard pie. boston Gi0Je.
The demand for napkin-rings made OF
wood grown at Walter SCOTS home,
Abbotsford, is proving great drain up
on the forests Of Maine.
1t is said that there is one COW to ev-
cry four persons in this country, and il
the wells and the springs were TO fail
some Of us would be put on short allow
ancc of milk and cream.
There was reward offered the other
day for the recovery Of "a large leather
luNll lldNtllu1-Di1 w HtLIItl vi uot
the large leather lady has got it back
has not yet been stated.
The graduating class Of Cornell Uni
versity has five young men who propose
TO adopt the profession of journalism,
They will know more in five years than
they do now
A New York divorce LAWYERS adver-
tiselnent reads "Hymeneal incompati-
bilities, as specially carefully adjust
ed. IT'S slavery to detain the hand af-
ter the heart hath fled"
care you feeling very lip" asked the
physician. Let me see your tongue,
please" "lt's Of no use, Doctor re-
piled the patient; 'no tongue can tell
how bad | feel. y
A South Carolina editor hung himself
the other day. Some editors resort TO
most extreme measures in order TO inn
prove the quality Of the contents of their
papers.
Virgins is likely to come into promi-
nence again. We understand that some
Of theWestern States are egotiating with
him to come into that part Of the coun-
try and predict cyclones.
When YOU are in Rome you must do
as Romans do, as the American tramp
said when he squatted on the steps of
cathedral in the Eternal City and held
out his hat -Phtladeiphia Ne,0S.
A Wisconsin man was killed by a cy-
clone because he wouldn't 90 down eel
lar, but insisted on staying above ground
TO enjoy seeing his neighbor's new barn
blown to flinders.
Charles A. Dana remarks: "Candor
compels us to say that great men are
becoming very scarce, indeed. That's
true, Charles. Newspaper work is
very hard on the health.
Young man, keep off the grass. 1t
Is said that even a moderate indulgence
at lawn tennis creates an unquencha
ole and inhuman appetite for ice
cream.
Dou you worry over the disappear
ance OF sardnes. A Yankee cook who
couldn't turn EN- out at the rate OF a box
q minute, and from almost any sort OF
meat, couldn't hold his place week in
this country
Did YOU know, dear, that about three
tifths Of the alleged alligator sachels
aud pOcketbooks are now made from
pigs skin? 5 fact. 'srough on the
| pork creatures, but business is busi-
ness
'Kindnesses," said Cordelia, lido not
always produce what we expect. That
is true, Many man in a conciliatory
mood has tried to pet lap-dog, and
been unable to wear glove for a week
| thereafter.
What is that with an Apron? That,
my son. is aWoman. What is she try
ing TO Do? She is trying to drive Ten
pullets and q Gentleman Hen out OF the
Garden. VIII she do it? No, my son,
but she will spoil the Garden.
The King of Bavaria has his photo
graphs touched over TO remove the APP
pearance of his DISTINGUISHING fairness
but good many Americans are touch
Ing up Bayarian beer for the opposite
effect.
The time o day: A Syracuse youn.
lady has peculiar mode of reckonin!
time on Sunday. Last Sunday evening
about o'clock, when asked what tim
it was, she replied; Five minutes Q
Smith,
Greek recitation: Benevolent Profes
sor (prompting) "Now, then, Eipa
~ Somnolent Soph Remembering
last nights studies) = II make
next. He goes it alone before the fac
ulty.
"lf you don't want the SCOT don't G
up the chimney, was the reply of a
editor to respectable parties who re
quested him not to mention the fact tina
they had been arraigned in the polio
courts,
The crier in village announced t
the inhabitants by proclamation tina
the dirt must be Immediately removes
from the streets, or otherwise the paris
authorities would take it into their ow,
hands
Yes" said Mrs. Towser, as she expa
tiated upon the beauties of her Howe
garden, 81 have given it great care an
if YOU come over in a week or two, | OK
pect to be able to show you some beaut
| fpl snurlnt pnnun,ouioc ~