News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1883-12-27
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEN TO SMILE
OVER.
A Few Hawkeye DOts-A Ten-Cent Moral
'"TcXns Siftings,1 Etc, Etc.
HAWKEYE DOTS,

| A Few Hawkeye DOts-A Ten-Cent Moral
''Fcxns Siftings,' Etc, Etc.
HAWKEYE DOTS.
OUT in a Colorado town the manager
of the opera house was elected mayor
and he announced in his inaugural adj
dress that he would spare no pains Oh
expense to make his administration
popular, instructive and pleasing, and
that there would be in it nothing to
offend the most refined taste.
THE estimate for the pension roll this
year is one hundred and fifty-seven mil
lions of dollars. The old soldiers were
very frugal twenty years ago, and saved
their country, but they're making her fly
now.
W. Z. ANDERSON, of Titusville, Penn
sylvania, is insured for $780, 600. We
should think man whose life is worth
so much as that would never want to die
Come to think of it, however, his life is
not worth anything; in fact, it is an ex-
pense to him. It's his death that will
be worth $40, 900 to his heirs.
"WHAT are you after now?" asked
the policeman of a well-known burglar.
"Fm lookin' for a detective" replied
the robber. And the officer shook his
head. 81 don't believe you can find
one, " he replied, sadly, for the burglars
lonesome appearance touched him, "be-
cause they're all looking for you.
COLONEL INGERsoLL says if he could
not make a world without death in it he
wouldn't make any. Ha; now maybe
that's the reason he hasn't made one.
He has been telling, for so many years,
just how a world should be made, that
people have begun to wonder why he
didn't turn out few. But this state
ment explains it. 81 hev often noticed, "
says Josh Billings, 'that the man who
would hev done such wonderful things
eff he had bin thare. never gifts thare. :"
RECOGNIZED IT.
Just previous to the opening
of a late meeting of the Lime
Kiln Club the Keeper Of the Sacred
Relics invited all present to enter the
museum and gaze upon a relic just re-
ceived from Meridian, Miss, in the
shape of an old-time plantation hoe.
Nearly every member of the club tried
his best to recognize the hoe as "de
VERY one" he used to work with thirty
years ago, and more than one was
affected to tears. The gentleman who
so kindly presented the relic has the
thanks of the eclub.--DetrOjt Free Press.
FACES ON FASHIONABLE FANS.
81 see it is now fashionable to have
the faces of children painted on fans"
Cones own children?"
eyes"
s'But Just think how big the fans are
nowadays. 1t would be impossible to
spread the faces of two or three children
over so much surface"
t"Tbo+ thoupht occurred TO me. too
Perhaps the fans can be made smaller.
s'No, that would never do; but the
difficulty will cure itself. Large families
will become stylish again. "-PhiladeL
phi0 CUH.
TEN CENTS AND A MORAL.
Here is a silver dime, my son;
Looks like lead, it is blackened so;
Not bit like the shining one
l dropped in my pocket week ago.
Dingy? Yes. Don't you think it strange
4. Il, "a
Would You like to know how came this change
For the worse to q brand-new silver dime
The cause is simple and easily told,
But lay it to heart, son of mine
Seeif it does not moral hold
! For bright, brave boy with wish to shine
l draw from my pocket copper cent
| Sec, there is the secret the silver dime,
Dropped in this pocket by accident,
Has rubbed against copper all this time.
And the cent is never a whit more white
Nor improved at all by its company,
| While the silver dime comes out less bright
And It's value is questioned. as you see.
| Now the moral for boys Is very clear.
| You see it. my son? Well, lay it to heart
And see, | drop the silver here,
And the copper there; let them be apart.
! THE BOYS soLILoQUY.
| Oh. YES the moral is clear as day,
But thought was going to get that dime
| He gives me the moral-that's dads way
And pockets the money every time
AN ANCIENT ANIMAL.
New Yorker" -"Talking about ole
horses. the oldest one in America lives
in my State"
Philadqlphian-"Whati is his age?'
New YOrker-"It can be reliably
placed at forty-three years an eX-treas'
urer of Richmond county says he be-
Iieves the animals age is not under for
ty-fve years" "
PhiladeIphian-''You don't say So
I should like to see that horse. What
street-car lineis he on?'-PhiJadclphic
| call.