The Evening critic., 1883-05-09
THE CRITIC ABROAD.


Critic this morning to veteran police of
fetal, "about the lives and behavior of tho
members of the Diplomatic Corps as seen
from policeman's standpoint, their uses
or abuses of the statute which gives thom
immunity from arrest for minor violations
of the law, etc,
WELL" responded the custodian of the
peace, thoughtfully scratching his head
which surmounted about six feet of blue
uniform" 81 have known more or less
about the private life and character Of the
ambassadors, Ministers and attaches for
many long year, and have seen some Of
them find the immunity law very conve-
nient, but, to do them justice, they have
been few. AS a general thing / have found
the foreign representatives gentlemen who
consider themselves all the more, strongly
bound to obey our laws and ordinances
because they cannot be compelled to
do so. We have encountered the
most difficulty with minor attaches of the
legations, secretaries and servants who have
not the dignity of the ministers, and who
are also free from police interference. l
have known secretaries of legations who
insulted ladies on the streets, created dis
| orders in public places, and have been ar
rested for such ofIenses and discharged up
ON proving their identity On the other
hand have known diplomats who paid
| fines rather than claim the exemption to
which they were entitled; ! have known
| others so disorderly, reckless and brutal
that they have been arrested and lodged in
cells for hours together before they be-
| came sufficiently sober to assert their
| rights and secure release. / have once or
twice traced important violations of law to
the doors of tho embassies, and been shut
out by the immunity law"
Have you ever known policeman to
suffer for his interference with or arrest of
the member of legation?' queried the
reporter.
mot often" was the response. II have
more frequently known policemen to be-
| come favorites than enemies of the diplo-
mats, but / have also known some un-
| fortunates who lost their official heads by
| trying to keep foreign ENJOYS in the
straight and narrow paths that common
folks must tread. There is one story on
| this point that has been handed down, and
dates back into the early days of Seward s
| term as Secretary of State. A gay young
| rake. who held an important diplomatic
| position, meandered down the Avenue one
| afternoon suffering from too free an in
| dulgence in champagne, and varied the mo-
notony of his promenade by insulting ladies
| and striking at passers-by with his cane.
Policemen who knew of the young snob's
influential position prudently looked an
| other way while he continued his jaunt,
perpetrating insults aud outrages almost at
every step. Finally knight of the billy
with more moral courage than his col
leagues, accosted the youthful diplomat
and unceremoniously conveyed him to the
nearest station-hou The prisoner in
dulged in the grossest insults. not only to
his custodian but to the American people
at large, and after eShausting the officers
patience and arousing his anger, was
knocked down and locked up. The occur
renee was brought to the attention of the
Secretary of State, who investigated it
carefully, and finally demanded the police
officers dismissal, remarking that the man
who would knock down foreign repre-
sentative that insulted ladies and abused
America was grossly unfit for position on
the police force, but was very welcome to
another Government place. The police
man lost his place on the force, but got as
good Government position as he was ca
pable of filing"
This morning, during the temporary alb
sence of the editor, the Office boy being left
in charge to see that no stray spring poet
came in and stole something, stranger en-
tered.
"Is the editor IMP"
Jumbo. We're going to keep him in the
backyard for the amusement of the news
boys while they're waiting for the different
editions of the only live newspaper ever
published in Washington"
"But will Barnum sell Jumbo?"
Course he will. If he don't we'll give
him thunder, that's all. But say, amt you
one of them there fellers they call spring
poet?"
| ~ Va, o,o ;,,,ort;,o,t ,-ou,n ,,,o,, o,d
/ shall mention your conduct to the editor
when he comes i'm
Guess you better not. Do you see that
skeleton over there? Well, that was a
spring poet once. We've got whole lot OF
'em in a closet. When the editor comes in
and finds sping poet here, he just sends
one of the other office boys out to take the
chain off old Tearemtosmthereens Chats
dog, most as big as Jumbo). Old
Tearum, as we call him for short, knows
his biz. He walks right into this room,
and in five seconds there aint anything
left of the spring poet but q heap of bones.
But, say, sometimes / take fancy to a
feller, as have to you, and take his poetry
and get the editor to put it in the paper,
cause, you see, know some things about
him, and he does little favors for me to
keep my mouth shut. There's the editor
coming up stairs now. Better throw me
|
The poet dropped his manuscript and
scooted.
Later the boy was found lying on hi
back in faint. He had read the poem
The boy affects baseball and is an especially
expert batter. When he revived he said hs
knew that teller, that he often went to SCI
baseball games and always took position
as near to the bat as he was allowed to get
and the boy gave his word of honor that il
the jingle could only be published in thu
Critic Abroad column that he would make
it a point to let the bat slip backward ou
of his hands some day and with such uner
ring aim as to lodge it plump between tn,
eyes Of the poet.
Here is the jingle:
In the spring time tho young mans fame,
lightly turns 10 thoughts of clothes.
In the spring time the maiden's reverieS pic
ture fancy colored hose.
In the spring time the careless urchin need
some one to clean his nose.
| In the spring time the darling dudes on tn
corners lightly pose.
And the spring time is the delight OF tn
second-handed muse.
-o:--
The late hurricane in Mississippi ha
turned up the breeziest lie we ever hear,
Of When the storm came up an old he
. was setting on nest of eggs looking for he
! raxuorJ nna Of fha aoo. ,rni iaota1 hauno