The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1883-07-05
GRAMMAR EXTRAORDINARY.
Young America In Parsing.

At a recent splendid exhibition of one
Of our "select schools" class of small
sprouts three feet high and in prodigous
standing collars, got OIL their progress in
paIsing. The audience was speechless
and many hands were lifted in horror
We will state that the school where
these remarkable exercises took place is
not located in Anderson County
Teacher-Parse man.
Pupil-Man is Il common noun Of the
feminine gender.
Teacher What's that, sir?
Pupil Man is a common noun Of the
feminine gendcr-cOmmon, cause lie can
be bought cheap; ana feminine gender,
because he's always got women on the
brain 8th person, cause his wife aud
six children come irst-is in the object.
i've case and governed by woman.
Teacher-Go to your seat, sir, and put
wet cloth on your head.
Teacher Next, parse woman.
Pupil-WOman is female noun Of the
masculine gender.
Teacher Mercy Oh us what do you
say, sir?
pupil-She's feminine noun of the
masculine gender masculine, cause she
wears the breechaloons and is determined
to vote; she's compounded Of cotton.
whalebonc, starch. smiles, sunshine, and
thunder clouds-is in the first person
cause she's always the person spcaking
plural number, cause she makes more
noise than halfa dozen parrots-is in the
objective case and governed by the fash
ions.
Teacher-Sit down, sir, and rinse your
mouth with prophylactic fluid.
IcaCher-NcXt; parse "bOY."
Pupil-Boy is an uncommon noun, Of
the goslin gender and female pcrsuatiOn
Teachcr-Thunder and blackjacks
What Is that. sir?
Pupil-Boy is an uncommon noun, of
the goslin gender and female persuasion
uncommon, Cause he's hard to find
nova. days; goslin gender, cause he
soon enters the threshold of gooschood;
female persmation, cause he's always got
the hear. sick akou: some female; fist
person, big Ike; singular number, cause
there's nobody but himself; in the Oh.
jective case and governed by his embryo
mustache, Schiedam Schnapps, and the
length Of his daddy's purse.
Teacher-Go home, sir, and bathe
your feet in mustard.
Tcachcr-Parse girl"
Pupil-Girl is an angelic noun, Of the
Grecian bend gender, aud masculine ten
| dencies.
Teacher-Savc us from sudden death
These boys will never be raised. How is
that sir7
Pupil-Girl is an angelic noun, cause
she paints her cheeks and loves inguns ;
she's compounded Of cosmetics, flowers,
fuss and feathers is of masculine ten
dencies, cause she wears shirt bosoms,
paper collars, aud always has her head
full Of boys; singular number, cause the
boys are afraid of them, and matrimony
is played out; third person, cause she's
and governed by gypsy bonnet.
Teacher-Next; parse corn.
pupil-Corn is nn uncommon noun of
the neuter gender.
Teacher-Bless my life Go on, sir.
Pupil-COrn is an uncommon noun,
cause farmers have we'll nigh quit raising
tit is used rs an adjective and belongs
to Tennessee, Ohio and Kentucky.
When parsed as q noun it is in the OBJ.
jective case and governed by Cotton.
Teacher-Sit down, sir
Teacher-Next, parse Cotton.
II Pupil-Cotton is royal noun ol
starving gender.
Teacher-Listcn mt that
Pupil-Royal, cause it is King (but
only over the Southern peoplc) starv.
; ing gender, cause it has we'll nigh
starved out the South-in the objective
case and governed by lazy freedmen.
Teacher-Next, parse fashion.
Pupil-Fashion is tyrannicnl noun Of
the common gender.
Teacher-Cat6sh and blunderbusses
What's that, sir2
/ Pupii-Fashion is a tyrannicai noun
cause 1t must be obeyed, and laughs at q
poor mans purse; common gender,
cause all people bow to it; it is com.
pounded of flounces, flimsies, hamsies,
scutlles, bubbles, troubles, ru1s, cuffs,
anuffs,. higgles, giggles, sniggles, curls,
furls, hairs, snares, Gregian bend, fuss
and feathers. 1t wns once in the objec-
tive case and governed by Eugenia, but
Ia now in the nominative case, indepen-
dent.
Teacher-Go home, sir, and go to bed.
Teacher-Next, parse baby.
| Pupil-Baby is an obstreperous niusi-
cal noun Of the neuter gender.
Teacher-Moses and the prophets
save US from destruction! What do you
say, you little imp?
Pupil-Baby is q musical noun, cause
it brings a soft tune between midnight
and day, especially If q cold night--iI il
neuter gender, cause its neither male or
female till it is big enough to wear
breeches. 1t weighs according to size
and measures according to proportions
Is compounded of milk and lungs, spe.
cially of lungs, grows Mt q rapid rate, and
soon learns to smoke cigars, drink spirits,
talk short to dad and mako love to the
gals. 1t is also of the spoilt gender,
cause it is allowed to put its foot in the
gravy whenever it chooses, Is in the
objective case and governed by candy
and sugar plums.
Teacber-Go home: sir, and tell your
mother tc rock you to sleep.
Teacher-Parse matrimony.
Pupil-Matrimony Is an ancient noun,
Of the defunct gender.
Teacher-Hear him! You little vag.
abond. what do you say3
| Pupil-Mstrimony is of the defunct
gender, cause it's played out. Girls are
plentiful as blackberries, but they've got
nothing, they toll not, neither do they
spin, yet Solomon in all his. glory
couldn't dress like EN-. Matrimony is
compounded of the words mate and mon
ey, but when there's match now. q. days,
it is nothing without the money. Third
person. cause it is spoken of much by
the girls. In the objective case, and
(, verned by the spondooliks cf the girls
daddy.
| ToooI,r ToLo n A,,1- ,,,k r.. ..J