Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1883-02-09
F. U n

INITIATED CURRENCY.-"l can t take
that nickel,'' said the horsecar conductor,
to man who got in at the City Hall.
"Vot vas de matter NIT dat goin ? asked
the passenger blandly.
Its no good. It's got hole in it. - re-
piled the conductor grufy.
sis dot SO? If you please, you show me
dot holes:'
s'Look at it, We can't take any such
money as that.''
'sOxcuse me,'' smiled the passenger, and
he handed over dime.
s'Tbat's worse YET" growled the con.
ductor.
''Vas dot dime full of holes, too ?' ask
ed the passenger, looking up innocently.
Here's side Clipped out. We amt
allowed to take mutllated money!" and
and the conductor handed it back.
&c.," inquired the passenger. 'Haf
you got change for helufa tollar?" and he
passed over another coin.
''What's this 20 asked the conductor
Its as bald as deacon. There amt
scratch on it to show whether it's an over
O
you got any money ?"
swell, should make smiles |" said the
passenger, good humoredly. ''aere is fife
tollar, and you haste it together ven you
got some leisure. Hat you changes of dol
fife tollar ?'' and he handed over bill tori
in four or eight pieces.
81 don't want no more fooling." said
the conductor. "If you can't pay fare,
get off.
'sVell, don't make SO many droubles, ]
will pay you, and he pulled out Mexican
quarter. "Gif me pennies, - he suggested.
''Look here, are you going to pay your
fare, Or not 20
"Of course, May be you vas waiting for
dat moneys and he took back his quart
er and substituted an English sixpence.
s'Now. you get off this Car !" roared the
conductor.
sVere has desc cars got by ?" asked the
passenger. rising to obey.
Fulton ferry" said the conductor.
'sDen may as veil go owit. You dell
dem companies dat sometimes dey MAKE
more money as oder dimes off dey dock
votever dey go instead of going mitou
nodings, don't it ?''
And the smiling passenger having rid
den to the end of the line, crossed the
ferry, observing to himself:
dot vas peter off l safe such moneys.
and sometimes go owit to East Nyarick,
and it dont't COST me no more as nodinss
at all.n
LITTLE JOHNNY ON DoGs.-One time
there was Teller bot a dog of man i'll
the market, and the dog was bitter. AT
ter it had bit the Teller four or five times
he threw close-line over its neck and led
it back to the dog man in the market. and
he said to the dog man, the Teller did,
''Ole man, dident you use to have this
dog?'' The dog man luked at the dog,
and then thot awhile, and then i'd, "Well
yes, had him about one half the time and
the other half be had me-" Then the fei-
Ter he was feWrious mad, and he said
'sWot did you sell me such a dog as thisn
for?' And the old man he spoke up and
sed. For four dollars and seventv-fvt
cents, loffie money" Then the felleI
guessed he would go home if the dog was
willing. Uncle Ned, who has been ia In
dy and everywhere, he saos the Mexican
dogs don't have any hair on EN-. Dogs
howl loudean cats, but cats is more purr,
and can work on top of Tense and bow
up their tails like bloom when they want
to spit.
He WAS JUST OUT.-Some of our. city
stores are constantly annoyed by children
coming to the door and asking for cards.
empty boxes AID that sort of things TIE
clerks are, of course, down on the young
sters' and the war never ends The Other
day little girl opened a store-door and
sticking her head in, called out: Say
mister, have got any empty?" No" Sail
the clerk, not very politely. Got an,
cards?" mo" Got any pictures?
Mo- ''Got any sense?" "No-yes-nt
-yes-you miserable little wretch" and
the clerk flew out of the door, but the
youngster was up the next alley making
faces at him, and he came back madden
than he had been since his salary was re-
duced.
He was pretty close man without
doubt. at breakfast he cut an egg in two
and gave the new hired man half of it,
The help ate it ard held out his plate for
more. what hull egg?' sOf course do
said the man. The boss stared blank
ly at him a moment, and then pushing
the half egg across the table, snapl :shly
cried Take it, eat it and kill yourself
The man ate it and is still allve.-[ Dan
bury NeUs.
Can you help me little?'' said tramp,
poking his head into a country shop.
why don't you help yourself p said the
proprietor, angrily. 'Thank you, I WILL
said the tramp, as be picked up Dutch
cheese and two loaves of bread and disap-
peared like streak of lightning, followed
by half a dozen Jumps of coal. se
Oh, the hog, the beautiful hog. curving
his tail as he watches the dog; defying the
law for his bread and meat roaming at
large through every street hunting, grun-
ting, noising around; Till the open front
gate is sure to be found-with its hinges
broken and runined quite, by the lovers
that hung there Sunday night it won't
hang level in walks the hog and raises
the devil.
II don't care what anybody says" re-
marked Mrs. Fogg, warmly. "Mr. Bolus is
good doctor and shall employ him as
long as [ live" VERY likely. replied
Foggy; 81 believe it is the same with all
his patients. They all employ him as long
as thau Eua-that is To aau ,,rtil ho exata |