The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1883-04-18
HUMOROUS VARIETY.

A young man named Polk, sang all
the evening to a company Of friends at
Montgomery, Ala, and then shot him
self dead. He probably preferred suicide
to being lynched. III HFs
There was company to supper, the
table was set out lsplendidly, and all
we're enjoying themselves exceedingly,
when the pet of the household unfOr-
tunately whispered: MA, why don't
you have this sort Of supper when there
isn't any company" I-........
grammatical and typographical errors"
Waiter docking puzzled at first, but re-
covering in moment hislusual seren-
ity). 1--WE are Just out OF them, sir"
Then what do you mean by keeping
them on your bill Of farep ...-.5. -.
A father has been complaining to a
friend of the family of the conduct Of
his prOdigal son. You ought to reason
with him seriously" says the friend of
the family. $50 dol So, hayeP' says
the father in despair, ''but 1t has no
to nobody that isn't y fool like himself.
want you to go and talk with him."
BOSS, 'spOsen you was ter miss some
mornin' dat ar pure pinter dog what
You paid $500 for, how much would you
gif me Of | fOtched him back to yer
house on Austin aVenueP" asked Sam
JOhnsing. 81 expect would give you
$10," ,"ireplied Colonel YeTger, Thought
fully! well, den, boss, jess hand out
dat $40 now, and yer won't miss dat
dog, In de fust place. Hit will sabe yer
a heap Of anxiety about de pup"
There's something about your daugh-
ter" Mr.. WanghOpe said refiectively-
there's something about your daughter
-" Yes" said old Mr.. Thistlepod,
there Is; l had noticed 1t myself. It
comes every night at O'Clock, ana 1t
doesn't get away usually till abOnt IL
o'clock. And some of these evenihgs,I
am going to lift it all the way from the
front parlor to the side gate and see
what there's in 1t. '....-
gentleman not long since, in one of
his rides in Southern Illinois, sought to.
make himself interesting to good look
ing mother of a sweet, baby occupying
the next seat in the car. After duly
praising the baby he remarked to the
mother: Hes real Sucker, / supposeP't
mo, sir" said the lady, blushing, Eve
had to raise him on the bottle" The
gentleman resumed his reading, and
has not Dragged on any strange baby
since. ttft7 TFE.'
Mrs. Lydia Grant, of Jersey City, is a
cOlOred woman OF expedients. "A bin
collector appeared at her door the other
day and demanded the money due on
account. Mrs. Grant did not palaVer
with the man or attempt to make any
excuss. She simply said, "OOme into
de hall, honey; don't stan dab wild de
doh open lettin' de breeze into de house,
case de ole man is lynn In de room
yOndah wild the wuss case OBJ smallpox
In de world. Come in hyar, honey"
But honey did not come In. -.
A Chicago paper gives the following
story concerning the recent registration
OF female voters In Boston: Enter old
lady Of certain age. ''I wish to register,
Jane si%pson 0E5 name 9See g1esSe agep A%1sS MIRA
pardonP' "DO understand that must
give my age P''1l"Yes, Miss, the law re-
quires it. Worlds, sir, would, not
tempt me to give i'll Not that 1 care.
No; had as leave wear 1t on my bonnet
as haekman does his number; but I'm |,
a twin, and If my sister has a weakness
1t Is that she dislikes any reference made /.
to her age, and / could not giVessimy
own because l do not wish to offend !
her." r..--... s.rtr,s., ,,.rls,,,s \
Officer Kearney, the apprshendars of
GutteRu and the custodian of the law at
the Baltimore g Potomac depot, at
Washington, chased a thief who had I
stolen some cigars across the square.
you didn't catch him, see, Kearney,"
said an employe at the depot, "Bedad Of !
didn't" said Kearuey. f'butOi saycured /
the saygars. Will yez have wan2"
why yes, thanks" said the expectant
employe. "YeZ will not Tetorted the
officer with dignity. "Av yez TUX wan
o. thin sRygars yeZ wud be wan o. them I
raysayvers Of stOlin guds. D'yez moind l
that "0h, no 1 wouldn't. You are
mistaken" "Oi know yez would" in
sisted Kearney. "An' no wan will smoke (
thin saygars but tn sargint an meself, /
oi dunno" and be proudly marched off |
with his capture. =