The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1883-04-07

1
Hamlet, and you're TO be the Queen
and we want this thing TO go off about
right. The hardest part we have to
play together is where accuse YOU of
poisoning my father, and we had better
try that until we get it perfect. I'll
commences:
"'Now. mother, what's the matterr"
We'll, | was thinking whether ] had
better wear my black silk or my maroon
suit returned Mrs. Spoopendyke,
sticking her finger into her mouth re.
ilectiyely. "Do Queens wear"
"'Will you be kind enough TO tell me
what pack ofcards yoe got that idea OF
queen frompn demanded Mr. Spoop-
endyke, fixing his wife's eve with
glare. "Do YOU suppose that Queen
sent for Hamlet to get his opinion
about bargains in dry goodsP When !
say that YOU must say:
"'Hamlet, thou hast thy father much
ofiendedl' "
20, | understand pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke. Il thought you asked
me what was thinking about didn't
know you had TO commenced to play.
Try il again.
"Well, YOU be careful this time," rec
commended Mr.. Spoopendykc, in tone
of solemn warning. This is play this
is. Think YOU know the difference be-
tween a play and a bankrupt salep Know
the difference between a play and mil
inery shop opening' Now, I'll begin
again and you try to do it decently.'
Now, mother. what the matterr
There's nothing the matter now,
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, straighten
ing up and preparing to be the Queen
as soon rs her turn came, $50 on, dear,
understand ii not
SAY 1t, can't yePn Numbered Mr..
Spoopendyke "Haven't We studied this
businessp Don't we know yer parter
What shall say, dear?n asked Mrs.
Spoopendykc, looking at her husband
with dazed expression.
"Sayra roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Sing hymn If you don't know your
part, get of psalm! Didn't tell you
what to sayp Look here and Mr..
Spoopendyke lowered his voice to the
intense pitch. Have you ever read
this playp Have you conceived any
kind of a notion OF what it's all about"
why, yes" fatered Mrs. Spoopen-
ulkt. tou coliie III anu sidp MT
Specklewottle behind the ears, and |
scream. Isn't that right, dearP'
Hear her?n moaned Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, frothing at the mouth. Stab
Speeklewottle behind the ears! That's
all right now you scream! Scream, why
don't youP You know SO much about
year part, why don't ypu play itpn
"W-e-e-e-eH' squealed Mrs Spoopen-
dyke, faithfully following instructions.
II knew could do it right. as soon as
you showed me how. VIII that doP"
20, that was queenlyr' snarled Mr.
Spoopendyke, dropping into chair and
regarding his wife with rolling eyes
just do that again. Four OF those
dramatic efforts VIII make this play the
greatest Of modern entertainments! DO
il once more"
ut hurts my throat complained Mrs.
Spoopendyke. Can't we make it do
with one scream, dearp'
MRS. Spoopendyke,n said her hus-
band, with unnatural calmness. there's
been some mistake made in this thing.
You should have been cast for 'Ophelia.'
That was the part intended for your
81 would Just as soon play it," muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendykc, who failed to
see the drift of her husbands remark.
''What does he dop'
"He was an idiot from birth, and
afterward went crazy" explained Mr..
Spoopendyke. "That was the part for
YOU"
Then drather be Queen" returned
Mrs. spoopendyke. bridlng a little.
Now, dear. let's commence all over,
and / Ii do ii right this time"
.sYou can do it worse,' growled Mr..
Spoopendyke "I'll try it once more,
lust to see what kind of foolishness you
can work off,
"Now, mother. what's the matter?'
"We-e-e-e,' giggled Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, satisfied that she was perfect this
time Hamlet, q Hamlet! We-e-e-eH
Turn ii off p yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. springing from his chair, and
capering around the room as though
snake had bitten him. s'Be quiet and
break of the end. What the matterp"
"We-e-e-er' squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke profoundly impressed with the idea
that the play was still going on, and that
she had at last mastered the intricacies
of her part.
Twill We ever shut up?" gasped Mr..
Spoopendvke. madden than ever to think
his wrath was mistaken for acting.
''Who ever told We to yell like thatP
Don We know anything at all, scarcelyp
Think 'Hamlet's lunatic asylum Got
some kind of notion that the Queens
fog horn? Whcre'd ye get your idea
of this thing anyway
Il did just as you told me, dear"
argued Mrs. Spoopendyke, completely
taken aback by her husbands criticism.
you said | was TO scream when you
asked me what the matter was. Didn't
do it righta''
20, that was right"' howled Mr..
Spoopendyke "You struck the key
note OF high art both times! With that
veil and your knowledge Of the text all
you want now is a fire and free list to
be theatcr with restaurant attach
ment, The first time show comes
around this way I'm going to fit you out
with hair trunk and pair of hoofs and
start you up for a menagerie! Such
talent as that can't be wasted ON any
cheap Shakespeare plays while I've got
the money and influence to get You job
in the legitimate circus"' and MIR. Spoop-
endyke kicked the book through the
window, peeled himself like potato
and dove into bed with flop like
whale - Brooklyn Eagte
The Concord School is 10 philoso-
phize again next summer. Bronson
l,<,