The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1883-10-20

Distress of Mr.. SpOopenEyke Over the Loss
of His Family Bible

Brooklyn Eagle.
MY dear" said Mrs, Spoopendyke. glanc-
ing up from the letter she was writing, and
pressing the NIB of the penton her thumb
nail to see why it didn't work any better
Say my dear, do you know where to find
that text. For the unbelieving husband is
sanctifed in the wlfe@"
I'm Exodus, isn't it," renlied Mr.. Spoon
endyke. 1T sounds like Exodus. Where's
the Bible?"
81 was looking for it to-day returned
Mrs. Spoopendyke, getting up and preparing
tor another search. Il don't think it is in
Exodus, because it sounds more like Paul.
think some one must have stolen the Bible
Tor haven't seen it since we came from the
country"
That's kind of curious" soliloquised Mr..
Spoopendyke, arousing himself to assist in
the investigation. Il don't know who would
want to steal Bible. Don't you remember
where you put it? Think it's in here%' and
Mr.. Spoopendyke upset the handbook con-
tanning his wife's new hat and then made a
lunge for the fancy coal scuttle behind the
stove. You had it last what did you do
with it?'
1T wouldn't be apt to get in there, would
it?' suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke, trying to
divert her husbands attention by rafting
the vases on the bureau.
IF it's the orthodox Bible, it's liable to
penetrate anywhere and everywhere" re-
torted Mr. Spoopendyke, abandoning the
scuttle and making a dive for the button
bag. Strikes me that Bible is keeping
pretty quiet for the word,' he Illuminated, as
he tipped the buttons out on the floor and
darted across the room to try the bureau
drawers. BE in a fine fix if a minister
should happen to drop in now and ask for
family worship. Have to tell him to go on
his recollection or start new theory of his
own" and Mr.. Spoopendyke pulled the
shams off the bed, and then got down on his
hands and knees to look under 1t. "Pll bet
hat it's where 1 said it was.''
where's that, dear?' asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, supposing he had found it.
I'm Exodus" snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke
wiping the ornaments off the mantel-piece
and looking behind the clock, Cant you
remember what l say from one moment to
another? If you had any memory, with
your habits of classification, you'd only need
the coat of arms of all nations and a little
more incoherence to be first rate diction-
airy! don't know though" continued Mr..
Spoopenuyke, Illuminating on this PROPOSE
ton while he tore the things out of the ward
robe. Il don't know but what you would
have to get new binding and have your
sides marbleized. You don't suppose that
Bible got lonely and went off into the coun-
try on its own hook, do you?"
II N sure don't know" murnured Mrs.
Spoopendyke. 81 can't imagine how it would
do thing like that. think it is only mis-
laid Well find it,"
We'll, 1 should remark" replied Mr.
Spoopendyke. without meaning the slightest
reverence. There may be only one small
fish or a crust of the bread left, but we'll
find what there is before we go to bedl
Unless that Bibles gone to get itself revised
there'H be no sleep in the Spoopendyke
apartment until we lay our hands lovingly
on that dear old family BibleI Maybe it's
hid under bushelP' and he capsi8ed tine
waste-paper basket and scattered the con-
tents over the room.
II don't know but what it is in Exodus"
SAID Mrs. Spoopendyke, with her finger in
her mouth. Now l come to think it over.
I'm sure it's in Exodus, so you needn't look
for it any more"
81 know it's in Exodus said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, kicking his wife's work basket across
the floor and turning the contents over with
the toe of his boot. But Pm going to find
out which end of Exodus it is in
before | go to business again! How do
you suppose any ones to know when
we we're married or when the baby was
born, or when we died, if we don't find thai
Bible? Think I'ns going through life with
out Bible to refer to when I'm louelysand
depressed? Got some kind of notion because
Pm good and pious that religion comes nat
ural to me, haven't We? Well, it don't I've
got to keep posted just as well as anyone
else! Where's that Bible?' demanded Mr.. |
Spoopendyke, rising in his wrath as the
book seemed to evade his search. whats |
become of the pious injunctions of my
youth? How'm going to be able to tell |
Solomon's wives from the rest of his family
unless have the book before me? Where's |
my Maccabees and Zaccheus? Where are |
the friends of my boyhood?' and Mr. Spoop- /
endyke Strengthened up in the middle of the
room and glared at his wife as though she
had inflicted on him a mortal injury.
They've been dead some time" replied
Mrs. Spoopendyke, who always took things
literally. Anyway you don't care about
them tonight"
"And my Abraham begat Isaac, and Isaac
begat Jacob, and Jacob begat Judah and his |
brethrenl Where are they? Suppose some
fellow asks me tomorrow who Judah's |
brethren begat what am l TO say? What're |
We standing there for, looking like a hole in
the fence for? Think that helps you any?' |
Say, dear" commanded Mrs. Spoopen- |
dyke don't you remember the night you !
and Mr.. Specklewottle got into dispute as
to whether the prodlgal son was thrown into |
the pit or was the one whose ear Peter cut |
off for hiding his talents in a napkin? |
haven't seen the Bible since then. You had |
it out, and when you got through you put it |
in your silk hat, and here it is now." and |
Mrs, Spoopendyke held up the missing vol |
ume, her face wreathed in smiles of delight |
that things had not been any worse.
Found it, didn't your" ygrowled Mr.. |
Spoopendyke, snatching the book out of her |
hands. Another time, when get through |
with it, you remember what l do with it. |
Now, let's find that measly text you were so
anxious about" And Mr.. Spoopendyke |
pored through Exodus and then laid down |
the book in disgust. There's no such thing |
in the Bible" he said: 81 knew there wasn't |!
all the time but l wanted to prove it to !
you"
'Let me look" suggested Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, and, turning to l Corinthians, vii, IA, |
she found and read it to him. 81 had an
idea that it was in some of Paul's writings" |
she remarked as she shut the book and put |
it away.
THAT'S what you always have" roared Mr. |
Spoopendyke, enraged by his defeat If |
you should ever run short of ideas
you'd be a comparatively smart womanl