Connecticut western news., 1883-05-23
two halves, and thus my account is set
 tied" The hotel man laughed and let 1t
CONTEMPT TO KILL.

Old Uncle Isaac, the we'll known col ored ragpicker, has just made his appear ance after having been confined to his house for several days.
 "Where have you been?" asked the Critic this morning. "I haven't seen you for long time."
 ooh, I'se jess been cooperation after dat argymint had wid the Washington boys" :.
 What argument?"
 "Why, dat 1igious argument we had las week, when de biggest Washington boy called me liar and sed dat I was
 ole and ignorant. Den I jess gub him
 one, and dat sneakin' Jim Washington
 hit me cross de back wid a fence
 palin'." | "And you've been to bed?"
 "Yes, sur; jess got out dis mornin',
 and de facts ob dst argymint haint worn
 off yet. But I'se goin' now to Jedgs
 She'll fer to git warrant for all ob dem
 boys"
 "What will you charge them with
 getting the best of an argumentp"
 "No, sah, dat shan't; shall charge
 dem wid insult; with contempt ter kill,'
 Washington Critic. | THE GERMAN BARBER. | "EulIol Yohannes," said the assist
 ant of the German barber near the Cooper
 Institute on Friday, as the reporter came
 in to get shaved. "I got an idea you hat
 der combination uf der doorhantle for
 golden already. Also, Ivos a-scared der
 olt man dalked glean troo your head g
 hole lasd dime you vos here. He has
 vent home. I ton'd know if he's got
 leedle someding he wood like to sbend
 day dalking apowd init his wife, or if he
 choost wants to gif his chaw a rest und
 brace up for der Saturday rush of drade, , yet.
 "He can dalk choost so steady like
 vintmill goes rount, und he provides his
 own wint besides. He peats my Dues
 day night girl owitsite in-an' dots high
 praise uf him, und ton'd you forgid seme-
 dings. Dot gal fills pig lamp, fresh,
 so soon vot come effry Duesday night. und dalks dill der oil is burned away. haf been sex weeks to see her already, und der only vorts more as yes und , mo vich I haf yet got shance to said
 is, 'Clementina, do you dink you can , finish on der lamp from der hall9 f "Und dot brakes her right away up, n because she knows it dakes der gondents I of dot hall lamp to lighd der place while . she been saying goot nighd. Her olt = mans blummer, und he's got to haf bardner to make der bills ovid. Dot IS :, der bardickler good point apowd Cle- 1, mentina. York Sun. Q STOCK OF THEM. IF A butcher looking for veal calves was IT directed to farmer about five miles over e mountainous road by practical joker. " On arriving at the farmers house he IS found that he was the possessor of but # one COW, and she had not yet calved. On q returning to the village he took the joker if to task for sending him over such @ fear ,r ful road on such an errand, whereupon
 the joker replied !" Well, took his
 word for it. He told me, over month
 ago. that his COW was liable to have
 calf every day for the next two weeks, a and I judged he would have quite stock 70 by this time. "-Rochester Post. ,d A MATTER OF SENSE. a Little Tommy was entertaining one of Ia his sisters callers until she appeared. F. Don't you come to see my sister?" he ot inquired. .. F sYes, Tommy, that's what come for. :" ' .sYou like her good deal, don't you. l" ,n -"Of course, admire her very much. st Don't you think she is nice p m rs "Well, reckon have to, cause she's at my sister, but she thumps me pretty tu tough sometimes. But say, les see you ,iI open your mouth once Now shut 1t ., real tight till I count ten. There, l w knowed you could do it.' 0i "Why, Tommy, who said I couldn't r " "Oh, nobody much, but sister. 'I I "What did she say?" M '. "Well, she said you hadn't sense u' enough to keep your mouth shut, and l on bet her two big oranges you had; and .;1 you have, ain't you, and you'll make her ,,t duff up the oranges, won't you r 'o' The young man didn't wait to see ',o whether she would 'duff up" or not of Drummer.
 1 NOT AFRAID. he A gentleman went into gun store for on the purpose of buying gun. He saw ld- fine sample of the stock on the show lat case and attempted to pick it up for ex' a animation. The German store-keepel en who saw the movement, shouted: put ''Mine friend, dots besser you looi booty veil out Dot gun vas loaded
 und when he goes off he kicks like del
 tuyfel.'
 ver The gentleman, thinking to have som' ne fun with the German, replied; "A gul put can't kick, it has no legs" his "Vat," said the store-keeper. "Ht red don't can kick. Yoost wait. dells yo' for something's, und I gif you a leedle m yal- fiammations. I vas in der pishness, unt
 know something's. gun don'd kcl ,w- init its legs. It kicks init its brooches. ] of
 '- CURIOUS LAWS. -Saxony has some yer