The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1883-04-25
SLIPPERY VS.. STICKY.
.,o Rad Boy Got Even on his Pa for
20" Prescribing Tai to Produce a
Mustache.

-otIr L u 49, 1890 ~
~ as he came in and began to
DG o'T Tn1tabaga, and his upper lip hung
PEE" over his teeth, and was covered
DHh sonething that looked like shoe
fIl ~ wax. "You look as though
ns ~, had been digging potatoes with
2orr nose"
Nod him if be knew anything that
loonnld make a boys mustache gre" and
V44 vi me the best thing he eve tried
aS tar, and for me to rub it on thick
wa aon T went to bed, and wash it off in
lsn morning. | put it on last night and,
w. rosb I can't wash it off. Pa told me
| " had to do was to use a securing
sGialr and it would come off, and | used
W.. W brick and it took the skin off, and
t w tar is there yet, and say, does my
in 4, look very bad?"
THE groceryman told him it was the
,,orst !ip he ever saw, but he could cure
Stby rubbing a little cayenne pepper in
the tar. He said the tar would neutral
;e the pepper and the pepper would
Inospn the tar, and act as a cooling lotion
tothc lacerated lip. The boy went to
tbp can of pepper behind the counter,
and stuck his finger in and rubbed a lot
fit on his lip, and then his hair began
IA raise, and he began to cry, II rushed
IA tbe water pail and ran his face into
tbe water to wash off the pepper. The
~rocpryman laughed, and when the boy
had rot the pepper washed off, and had
resumed his rutabaga he said:
THAT seals your fate. No man ever
triies with the feelings of the bold buc-
cancer of the Spanish main, without
living to rue it. I will lay for you, Ole
man, and don't you forget it. Pa
thoucht he was smart when he got me
10 put tar on my lip, to bring my mus
tache out and to-day lie lays IN a bed OF
main. and tomorrow your turn will
come. You will regret that you did not
GET down on your knees and beg my
nnardon. You will be sorry that you did
not prescribe cold cream for my bruised
lin instead Of cayenne pepper. Beware,
YOU base twelve ounce to tho pound
buckster, you gimlet-eyed seller of dog
sausage, YOU sanded sugar idiot, you
small potato three card monte slight OF
hand rotten egg fiend, you william that
sells smoked sturgeon and dogflsh tor
smoked halibut. The avenger is on
your track"
Look here, young man, don't you
threaten me or [ will take you by the
ear and walk you through green fields,
and beside still waters, to the front door
and kick your pistol pocket clear around
so that YOU can wear it for a watch
rocket in your vest. No boy can fright
en- me. by crimus. But tell me how did
YOU get even with your pap
We'll, give me a glass OF cider and
we will be friends, and [ will tell you.
Thanks. Gosh, but that cider is made
made out of mouldy dried apples and
sewer water,n and he took a handful OF
LAYER raisins off the top OF a box to take
the taste out of his mouth, and while the
grocer charged a peck of rutabagas, q
gallon of cider and two pounds OF ralslns
to the bows pa, the boy proceeded:
"You see pa likes to joke the best Of any
man YOU ever saw. if it is on somebody
else, but he kicks like a steer when it is
on him. [ asked him this morning il
it wouldn't be a good joke to put some
soft soap on the front step, SO mat the
letter carrier would slip up and spill
himself, and pa said it would be elegant.
Pa is a democrat and lie thinks that
anything that will make it pleasant fo1
republican office holders is legitimate,
and he encouraged me to paralyze the
letter carrier. The letter carrier is as
old'a man as pa, and [ didn't want &c
humiliate him, but I just wanted pa &C
give his consent, SO he couldn't KICK i
he got caughtin his own trap. You see:
Well, this morning the minister and
two of the deacons called on pa. to have
a talk with him about his actions III
church, on two or three occasions, when
he pulled the pack Of cards with hi
handkerchief, and played the music boz
and they had a pretty hot time in the
back parlor, and finally they settled 1t
and were going to sing a hymn, WheI
pa handed them a little hymn book
and the minister turned pale and said
what's this and they look at 1T, and |
was a book Of Hoyle's games instead 0
a hymn book.
Gosh, wasn't the minister mad: ~
had started to read a hymn and he qul
after he had read two lines where he
said, In p game Of fuur-handed euchre
never to trump your partners ace, bu
RELY on the ace to take the trick on suit.
Pa was trying to explain how the booi
come to be there, when the minister ant
the deacons started out, and then
poured the two quart tin pail full OF sol
soap on the front step. 1t was thu
white soap, just the color of the step
and when I got it spread | went dow
in the basement. The visitors came GU
and pa was trying to explain to then
about Hoyle, when one of the deacon
stepped in the soar and his feet flew u
and he struck on his pants and ST.
down the steps. The minister SAID
Great heavens, deacon, are you hurt
Let me assist YOU" And he took tW
quick steps, and you have seen thes
fellows in a niger show that kick eac.
other over head over heels and fall @
their ca rs. and stand on their heads an
tu.u. a.1.l lsI-> O tAn IIla nlQlSfec'