The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1883-03-31
The New Musical Critic.

'Vfe was RToaC CdrQ. NODOuy
who Sazed upon his gossamer limbs, his
spectacied Orbs or the airline crease
when divided his hyacinthe locks into
equal sections on either side his bullying
brow could doubt this for an instant.
Inc managing editor, an earthly
creature, however, had his doubts about
the el9ereal young man; but as the
muslcal critic had come well recon-
mended, the managing editor stifed his
doubts and showed the young man his
desk.
The frst job the young man was given
was 10 90 the opera on the coming night.
he sailed forth in stunning evening
dress with full score under his arm
ana ms heart bullying with melodious
anticipations.
Returning, and having finished his
crltlque, he took it to the managing
editor, who babe him sit down and read
the stuff aloud The young mans soul
was terribly shocked that his splendid
composition should be called ''stuff. I"
However, he began, with as good grace
as he could under the circumstances, as
follows:
line tuneful sweetness of the macs
tro' caet-G guUre was never interpreted
with more engaging esprit de corps than
by the artists in this melodious aggrega-
ton. The chromatic tints were laid on
with prodigality of fervor that
suDllmated the appoggiatura and apoth-
eoslzed the contrapuntal tone-waves-'
Hold uprp exclaimed the managing
editor, what do you mean by all thatP''
MEAN" calculated the musical critic
show do you suppose l knowP I've
done work for the great dailies, and
nobody ever asked me what 1 meant.
Shall l go onpN
The managing editor nodded, and the
young man proceeded
''And apotheoszed the contrapuntal
tone-waves with dynamic expulsion. Sig
nora Screechowl, the primest prima don
ma, was in her best voice, improved as it
was by Slightly catarrhal shading which
eradicated those incisive murmurs which
tickle only the ears of the amateur love-
of the warbling Muse Her embonpoint
was grandly effective, and no words car
hope to depict the cataelysmic effect o.
her dolce fur nte11te in the brayura pass
age in the seventeenth barr
Il don't catch on worth cent
sadly murmured the managing editor
''but as you have worked on the great
dailies, | suppose it all right
The young man said yes and went
on:
"Signor Macaroni, the tenore assoluta
attacked with consummate aplomb, adj
vanced in column by division closed in
mass, and carried the works of the grea
maestro by an adroit movement in eche
lon"
WAS there a battle scene in tn,
opera?" innocently inquired the manag
ing editor
Battle scener' exclaimed the young
man, contemptuously. '.No, sir; ne
battle other than the forceful conflict O
lyrical acoustics
abr said he managing editor, :.
understand Proceed"
but the climax of mellifluous Grand
eur was attained when Mile. Lotoni, tn
ultra-contralto, entered the lists. Tn
coltish freshness of her tuneful tongu
was something astounding in its casta
diyan effects. The chiaroscuro of he
andante-adagio was complemented per
feetly by the middle distance OF he
adagio -andante, and the two achieve
ments together coruscated through tn
house with all the grace and witcher
of the gemini of astronomical famiL
arity.'
Il guess that will do" said the man
aging editor. 81 don't care to hear an,
more tonight. I'm not feeling YER
well, and few more lines might set nj
into a brain fever. Your critique is
splendid one, the best l ever heard-fo
the kind. l shall put it all in
And he put it into the wastebaske
forthwith.
"Great Heavensr' exclaimed the voun
man, :'do you mean to say that you aim
a-going to print it?''
''That's about the size of it," was tn
cool reply.
But, look here" said the critic, ''yo
don't know good thing when you Sc
it. I've worked those ideas into NOR
than twenty articles, and not one of zen
was ever rejected before"
'Nobody would understand word O
it if printed it, ventured the editor.
"Of course they wouldn't eagerl,
replied the critic; nobody ever under
stands what fellow writes about music
That s the point
1.-The point?'
ayes; don't you see, you can use tina
article lots of ways. By the changes Q
word here and there, YOU have first
rate art notice; then by adding few sen
fences and Transporting few more, yol
have graphic account of prize fight
or baseball game, or walking match
or great battle, a patent-medicine puff
or an editorial on the tariff. There's n
end of the ways in which you can worl
the thing up.
ut s grand scheme" said the man
aging editor; "too grand for the Gran
berry Clarion, l IN 'fraid. You ID BET
ter take it to one of your great dailies
and while you re about it, you ID bette
take yourself there, too. 1t would b
cruel to compel you to hide your ligh
beneath the bushel of a country news
paper Go, my dear boy-it is bes
we part at once. Adieu-farewell-be
gonep'
And the musical critic gathered hi
gossamer limbs together and slid off int
the silent night.
The readers of the Cranberry C2ario
may never know of the terrible calamit
which they so narrowly escaped, and tn
manauino oditOr will nrOha hlv on dow