davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
Il CLUTCH FOR LIFE.

The following incident occurred sew
eral years ago within a short distance
of this spot: A white cat watching on
the shore for fish breakfast was sight
ed by an eagle, which, installing it for
a pig or lamb, made sudden dart,
Selling it. It soon found the cats claws
in his thighs, holding on with a desper-
ate grip, the pain from which must have
been severe, as one continued cry and
futtering of wings was brought in play
to get rid of the cat, but the
higher the eagle sailed, the tighter
pussy held on, and all his believing
failed to convince the cat that it was
safe to let go. Every effort failing,
suddenly the eagle dropped to the water
to try the ducking process, and was
quickly relieved of his trouble, gladly,
but still believing, flying in one direc-
ton and the pussy swimming in another,
and soon reached the shore, where she
was found licking off the blood from the
wound of the eagles claw, not seriously
hurt by the trip to the clouds. I think
both showed some reason.-Co Country
Gentleman.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
LONG-LITED LORDS,

The duties that fall to the members
of the British House of Lords are not
exhaustive to human energies. The
new Earl of Berkeley has reached the
advanced age of 80, fact which has
brought out the further statement that
the House of Lords contains large
proportion of men who have reached or
gone beyond fore-score. Thus, the
Marquis of Cholmondeley, Lord Hall
fax, the Earl of Lucan. and Lord PEN
rhyn are each 50. Lord Hammond,
Lord Winmarleigh, the Earl of Erne,
Lord Berwick, Lord Churchill and the
Bishop Of Chichester have all reached
their 80th year. The Earl of Shaftes-
bury, the Marquis of Winchester, Lord
Bantry and Lord Ebury are each 81
while the Earl of Home, Lord Portman,
Lord Saye and Sele and the Earl of Al
bemarle are severally in their SD year.
Further, the Earl of narrowly is 81;
fhe Marquis of Donegal, IS; the Earl of
Wemyss, So; Lord Mostyn, SO; the Earl
Of Buchinghamshire, SO, and Lord
Mount-Cashel, 80. Members of the
House Of Commons do not live to so
great ages. These are figures which
might be made useful in an argument
on the relative merits of an active and
q contemplative life.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05

when a plain man decides the case on
its merits.
A sutton complained to this Judge
that he was "ruinated," and could go
no further with his case. "Then you
had better" said his Honor, a'leave the
case to be decided by reference.
ITO be sure l WILL" answered the
man; GIVE been now at law thirteen
years and can't get on at all, at all.
I'm willing to leave the case to one hon
est man or two lawyers, whichever your
Lordship pleases."
"You had better toss up for that, .
said the Judge, laughing.
Two attorneys were appointed, how
ever, and in years time they reported
that they could not agree.
The matter was then left to an hon
est farmer, and in week the parties
came into court and said that the plain.
unprofessional referee had settled the
case to Their satisfaction.-K Youths
COu1nn11iOn
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
THE OYSTE i:Ii4N ON DANIEL WEB
STER.

Said Uncle Daniel Clark, of Ledyard,
as he held in each hand Norwich river
oyster and contemplated them with evil
dent respect: Il recollect when Dan
lei Webster was at Stonington Pint.
He couldn't git away, and he wanted
some Pequonnick oysters, and so he
sent for me. Somehow or other he
had heered of me. I went where he
was. Daniel, how do you do p said he.
Pretty well, Daniel said I, and how
are you?' Well, I went to Pequonnick
and got two bushel of old Mr.. Mamiere
and paid him 81 fur 'em. Daniel Web
ster he gin me roll of bills; there was
eighteen on 'em. IF that hain't enough,
he roared jest like speaking trumpet,
let me know and I'll double it. IF I
ever felt as if was Daniel in the lions
don it was when I was with Daniel
Webster. He roared jest like a lion,
and he looked a good deal more like
one than the critters have seen in the
caravan
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
THE Owls ADrIcE---A rAB1s.

A Lobster who had, by years of pa
tient toll and careful economy, accumu-
lated snug sum of money, cast about
him to see how he could use it to de-
serve the gratitude of the public. He
first consulted the Clam, and that BIZ
valve solemnly puckered his mouth and
said:
Good idea, my friend, good idea.
You can't do better than to leave your
money to found school of philosophy
for CLANS. Well take it and keep your
memory green for 1000 years"
The Fox was next consulted, and he
slapped the Lobster on the back and
cried out:
That's the ticket, old man-leave
that cash to the Foxes! What we want
to make us happy is is dictionary and
an eye-glass for each Fox"
The Peacock was found at home, and
when the subject was preached she laid
her hand on her heart and said:
"Old Lob, your head is level. Leave
that money to the Peacocks and in less
than six months we'll show you seven
new styles of gracefully avoiding a
spotted COW in the highway. Give US
that cash and we shall want for nothing
more"
The Goldfish was found posting up
his account books, and when informed
of the HOLSTERS mission he laid down
his pen, and replied:
you have come to the right adviser,
my friend. 1t is needless to inform you
that for the last 100 years the Cod has
had to stay under the water most of the
time on account of having no fit
clothes to appear on shore. With that
money we can rag out with the best,
hold our heads with the highest, and
we will no longer be quoted in market
at lower figure than rusty pork or
stringy beef"
The lion wanted the money given to
the feline race, so that it might buy it's
potatoes and cabbage in open market,
without stealing them.
The Buzzard didn't want to seem av-
aricious at all, but he had long thought
that some philanthropist would make a
great hit by leaving fund to provide
Buzzards with glass-eyes and toothache
remedies.
Bewildered and discouraged by his
interview, the Lobster at last appealed
to the Owl for candid opinion.
"Well, if I had pile of money and
wanted to do something to please the
public" replied the Owl, I'D whack up
with my poor relations and pay my out
lawed debts"
MoRAL-But they never do.-Detroit
Free Press.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
BLOOMING PROSPERITY,

A drummer was travelling in buggy
along country road in Arkansas, when
he came upon a tall, roughly dressed
man sitting upon rail fence whiting.
With sociabls "good-morningp the
traveller drew up his horse and asked:
as that your field of corn over
there?"
Wal, I calkilate I'll freeze onto a
right smart sheer of it. I'm working
the piece on sheers.
Looks like a fine crop"
"It does"
L presume you are figuring on great
prosperity in future, such immense crops
indicating plenty for all"
Prosperity? Stranger that hain't
no name fur the cyclone that's agoin' to
hit this settlement atween the ewes this
season. A tornado mout come list now
an land every burned bit O. grain in
the county over in Tennessee, and Wit
the smiles of contentment d never shift
Off Or faces!"
"Some unexpected good luck has be-
fallen you, the tourist replied
"That's the play to t-y ty. We're
getting our slice O the millennium away
ahead o the advertised date. Fust. OF
lack Bolton up an died last month, an
thar hasn't been a ear O. corn or a side
O bacon missed in the community since
we tumbled the dirt on top O. him.
Then Wash Tompkins, the boss OF
sledge player, got sent to State prison
fur horse stealth, thus givin' us Door
players show fur our pile; then Snaky.
the saloonkeeper up at the forks O. the
road, dropped down to 10 cents drink
fur whisky, and said he'd take corn
same as cash; then my old woman ran
off with Yankee SEWN machine ped
dler, an if bloomin' prosperity amt
hangin' over the neighborhood I'm a
gilt-edged liar from the Red river
swamps. Got any sweet tobacker about
you ?" -EUd11SUule LArqus,
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
LONG IND SHORT.
caravan

A Scotch lawyer was so short in stat
ure that it was necessary for him to
stand on stool when addressing the
court.
We'll" said a wit, on seeing him
thus elevated, "that is one way of rising
at the bar"
Curran, the orator and wit, was once
arguing case involving ecclesiastical
law. Noticing a very tall and slender
lawyer behind him, who had studied
for the church and then gone into the
law, the wit said:
81 can refer your Lordship to a very
high authority behind me, who was
once intended for the church, though
perhaps he was better fitted for the
stceple"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
THE LAWS UNCERTAINTY

"The law is sort of hocus-pocus
science" says an old play, "and the
glorious uncertainty of it is of mair use
to the professors than the justice of it. ="
An incident in the official life of Lord
Chancellor Eldon illustrates the truth
fitness of the dramatist's remark. He
once referred case to three courts be-
low, in succession, to decide what a
particular document was.
Not one of them agreed with either
of the other two as to the legal name of
the document. The Court of Kings
Bench decided it was a lease in fee; the
Common Pleas, that it was a lease in
tail; the Exchequer, that it was a lease
for years. When the document came
back to the Lord Chancellor, he de-
cided that it was no lease at all
An anecdote, which an Irish judge
used to tell with great glee, illustrates
the laws uncertainty, when admins
tered by attorneys, and it's certainty
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
EUROPE 1000 YEARS AGO.

In the year 800 after Christ, what was
the state of Europe? The. Cloths, the
Vandals, the Franks, the Huns, the
Normans, the Turks, and other bar
barian hordes, had invaded and over
thrown the Roman empire. and had es-
tablished various kingdoms upon its
ruins. These hordes of savages had de-
stroyed, not only all the works of civil
ization, but civilization itself. Ignorant
as they were Of everything that dis
tinguishes and elevates human nature.
they broke up the schools, ruined the
monuments, abolished arts and manu-
factures, prevented commerce, and re-
dnced the conquered nations to their own
condition, inaugurating IN the con-
pletest manner the reign Of brute-force
and mental darkness II they afterward
espoused Christianity. they moldedit to
their own savage superstition, till at
last naught was left of the divine dis
pensstion but its name, to cover the
most degrading idolatry and demonism.
At the time we begin our specific ex-
animation we find that, in the then So
called Christian nations:
There existed no science worthy of
the name, no schools whatever. Read
ing. writing and ciphering were separate
and distinct trades. The masses, the
nobility, the poor and the rich were
wholly unacquainted with the mysteries
OF the alphabet and the pen. A few
men, known as clerks, who generally be-
longed to the priesthood, monopollzed
them - q special class OF artists. They
taught their business only to their SEM
inarists. apprentices; and beyond them
selves and their few, pupils no one knew
how TO read and write. nor was it e1-
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05

pected of the generality, any more than
it would nowadays, that everybody
should be shoemaker or lawyer.
Kings did not even know how to sign
their names, so that when they wanted
to subscribe to written contract, law
or treaty, which some clerk had drawn
up for them, they would smear their
right hand with ink and slap it down
upon the parchment saying, "Witness
my hand" At later date some genius
devised the substitute of the seal, which
was impressed instead of the hand.
Every gentleman had seal with a pc
cuiiar device thereon. Hence the sacra-
mental words now in use, tFWitness my
hand and seal, affixed to modern deeds,
serve at least the purpose of reminding
us of the ignorance of the middle ages,
Popular Science Monthly.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
POORLY-PAID TEACHERS.

The selection of new Presiding Elders
is always an interesting feature of an
annual conference. In some confer
ences it is interesting because the posi-
tion is desirable one, and usually sew
eral of the brethren have their faces set
In that direction. In the Kentucky
Conference it is interesting for the rea-
son that the position is very undesira-
BILE, and some one must be appointed.
Travelling a district embracing parts of
twenty-five counties, for the most part
on horseback, in all kinds of weather.
for salary of 1913, is not work to be
much sought after. The average salary
paid Presiding Elders in this conference
is $682.40. To be Presiding Elder of
a Kentucky conference district means
self-sacrifice and hard work. Ci7oci7o,
71Hfi T0sefte
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
rs THERE WATER ON THE MOON

MIR. Helmuth Dueberg presents new
theory of the moon, and argues the
possibility Of its being inhabited on the
farther side. It is well known that the
moon always presents the same face to
the earth. Because this side of the
moon is an airless and waterless desert.
we are not justified, MIR. Dueberg thinks,
in assuming that the other side is like it.
Since the moon does not revolve so as to
change the side presented to the earth,
and since the attraction of the earth for
the moon is very great, the heavier side,
if there is any, must be turned this way.
Surprising the moon to possess air and
water, these lighter and more fluent ele-
ments of her composition wouldof neces-
sity lay at the farther side. In the ab-
sence of any centrifugal force due to
rotation on her own axis, the only CEN
trifugal force acting upon the moon
must be that resulting from the moons
motion round the earth. This would
tend still more to throw the moons air
and water to the "out" -side with re-
spect to the earth. For a practical
illustration Of this view, Mr.. Dueberg
suggested ball swinging in a circle by
means of a cord. The ball, like the
moon, will always turn the same side to
the center of evolution and if it be in
my liquid, the liquid will be rapidly
accumulated on the opposite or outer
,ide. Hence. the possibility of water,
tir and life on the moon, around the
'hores of central lunar sea. on the
lde always turned away from us.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
PAUL MORPHY, THE CHESS Prod
ICY.

Going along the street, I came across
Paul Morphy, the chess player, who,
twenty years ago, startled the world
with his wonderful achievements in that
game. He is diminutive person. of a
dark complexion, and small, slender
limbs. His head is unproportionally
large, and fixed, as it is, on very small
body, gives him at once an odd and
striking appearance. He has grown
thinner in late years, and his face looks
careworn and he is very emaciated. As
he was going along he seemed to be in
deep thought about something, and NUT
tered to himself constantly. Now and
then he would gesticulate in very pos
tive and earnest manner, which was
followed by grim smile of satisfaction.
Paul Morphy's father. who was one of
the Judges of the Supreme Court of the
State, left him a considerable fortune,
which has afforded to his son all the ease
and comfort which a gentleman can de-
rive from money. Yet, after all, how
sad it is to see man who has been so
gifted walking about the streets devoid
of reason. Generally he is very peace
able; it is only once in while that mad
ness overtakes him. and in such case
he assaults the first person whom he
lmagines has caused the injury. With
all his defects of mind and melancholy
moods he retrains traces of his once-re-
markable powers, and many acquainted
with him say that he is still an excellent
reasoner. He grows frantic if the word
chess is spoken, as ne attributes all of
his troubles to that game. An old serv-
ant who was once in the employ of
Judge Morphy says that the Judge was
very fond of the game of chess, and that
whenever Henry Clay came to New Or
leans he stopped at the Judges house,
and both of them enjoyed themselves at
it. One evening, it appears, Paul, who
was then very small boy, sat by watch
ing them attentively, when, all at once,
he asked his father to play with him.
His father told him that this was the
most difficult of gaines, and that it
would take him quite time to learn it.
Paul answered by saying that he had
watched the moves and that he thought
he could play. Finally the father con-
sented, and, to his establishment, awoke
to the fact that his boy not only knew
the moves, but that he was even up to
the plans and combinations. After sew
eral games Paul finally defeated his IA
ther, who, by the way, was not mean
player himself. Clay then turned around
and said: "Morphy, this is wonderful
your boy will develop into being chess
prodigy, for no one at that age can per-
form what he has done without being
gifted by God" From that hour the
dawn Of victory came to him and never
abandoned him, though many of his
games were marvels, and very often he
played them blindfolded. Letter from
NeU Orleans.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05

NAPOLEON I. was noted for the ease
with which he went to sleep. For weeks
It time two hours sleep out of the
twenty-fo was sufficient for him. He
is reported to have said: Different
matters are arranged in my head as in
drawers. l open one drawer and close
another as wish. If I desire repose I
shut up all the drawers and sleep. 1
have ways slept when I wanted rest,
almost ut WILL"
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
"PRAPS..

a word has troubled all my youth,
And shattered all my dreams of truth
tbs simply that small word, uncouth,
"2raps"
When but child, when would pray
Some others help to ease my way,
They'd laugh, and for an answer say
"P'raps."
Then when had become a boy
And wished for money: full of joy
I'd run to father-Don't annoy,
"P'raps."
Now, when man, thought to we'd;
Full straightway to my love 1 sped
And asked her, but she frowned and said,
"P'raps."
Will life's sun ever on me shine?
Will joys that others have be mine?
Will that love come for which pine?
"P'raps."
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05

AN exchange says: "Some must
have a quarter of column to express a
well-defned idea, when writing for a
newspaper but it is astonishing how
concise they can make an advertisement
that costs 80 cents per line" Yes, some
like to spread when it don't cost cent.
That class of men are SO thin that they
don't amount to much in the world
Cambridge Tribune.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
GOLDEN THOUGHTS.

Speak gently it is better far
To rule by love than fear:
Speak gentlyl let no harsh word mar
The good we might do here.
Speak gently It's little thing
Dropped in the hearts deep well:
The good, the joy which It may bring.
Eternity shall tell.
Kind hearts are the gardens;
Kind thoughts are the roots;
Kind words are the blossoms:
Kind deeds are the fruits.
The night has thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light Of the bright world dies
With the dying sun.
The mind has Thousand eyes,
And the heart but one:
Yet the light of the whole life dies
When love is done.
-. W. Bourdillon.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
SHE WAS TIPSY.

A doctor who had one day allowed
himself to drink too much was sent for
to see fashionable lady who was ailing.
He sat down by the bedside, took out
his watch, and began to count her pulse
as we'll as his obfusticated condition
would permit He counted " One, two.
three" then he got confused and began
again: "One, two, three, four" Still
confused, he began again : some, two. 81
No. he could not do it. Thoroughly
ashamed OF himself, he shut up his
watch, muttering: "Tipsy, declare
tipsy!" Staggering to his feet, he told
the lady to keep her bed and take some
hot lemonade to throw her into a per-
spiration, and he would see her next
day. In the morning he received the
following note from the lady, marked
"private :"
DEAR DocToR You we're right. l dare not
deny it. But 1 am thoroughly ashamed of my
self. and will be more careful in the future.
Please accept the inclosed fee for your visit e
e1O note), and, doctor, entreat of you,
breathe not word about the state in which you
found me.
The lady, in fact, had been drinking
too much, and, catching the doctors
murmured words, thought they referred
to her. He was too far gone to see what
was the matter with his patient, and she
too far to observe that the doctor was
in the same condition.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1883-08-05
TAKING DOWN 4 SNOWY oUSs

a man Si1ppou 1nGO one OF the saloons
on Main street and invited some friends
he had in tow to drink. The man had
evidently just come out of the big end
of the horn in a mining speculation, and
his sudden accumulation of wealth was
shown in his big watch chain, immense
diamond PIN and generally" loud air.
When he came to pay for the drinks he
pulled out handful of gold and silver,
amounting to about $50, and laid it on
the counter, remarking:
How much is this ?"
"Goin' to stop here long ?" asked the
barkeeper.
Few days." said the man.
The bar-keeper gathered the money
up, counted it carefully and showed it
all back, saying, quietly:
"Better keep it, stranger, if that's all
you've got. You'll need it right along.
haven't the heart to take money from
man who's so near broke"
The crowd laughed, and the snob,
pocketing his handful of money, with
drew with a melancholy and detected
air. Colorado NeUs.
HOW a WOMAN KEEPS ACCOUNTS.
1t is touching sight to see a woman
begin to make up her expenses, having
firmly resolved to put down every cent
she spends, so as to find out how to
economic and where all the money
goes. Procuring small book, she
makes due entry, and, on the Monday
after the first Saturday in which her
husband brings home his pay, she care
fully tears the margin off a newspaper
and, with blunt pencil, strikes trial
balance something in this way:
John brought me home $3.50, and
$1.53 [ had is $40 SO, and $1.OO 1 lent
Mrs. Dixon is $50.93-but hold on, I
ought not to enter that, because when
she returns it'll go down. That was
1888, and what have [ done with that
Then she puts down the figures, leav-
ing out the items to save time-a proc
ess which enables her to leave out most
OF the items to where a round sum is
involved, on the supposition that they
have already been put down. As thus
Six dollars and fourteen cents for
meat, and 10 cents for celery, and 10
cents on the street cars, and a bad s.
cent piece / got in exchange, and $2.81
L paid the milkman-who owes me 10
cents-that's So, and Is cents at church.
and the groceries-they were either
$3.50 or $3.50, and I don't remember
which they were, but guess it must
must have been $3.50, for the grocer
said that if I would give him a dime he
would give me half dollar, which
would make even change, and couldn't,
because the smallest had was quar-
ter-and $2.75 for mending Katies
shoes, which is the last money that
shoemaker ever gets from me, and 10
cents for celery-no, put that down.
Finally she sums up her trial-balanoe
sheet, and finds that it foots up $64.28,
which is about SIS more than she had