Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1883-02-09
His Pa was Mortified.


the youth was firing frozen potatoes
at the man who collected garbage in
the alley.
%, they are searching for sewer gas
and such things, and they have got
plumbers and other society experts till
you can't rest, and | come away for
fear they would find the sewer gas and
warm my jacket. Say, do You think
it is right, when anything smells aw-
fully, to always lay it to boy?
well, in nine cases out of ten they
would hit it right; but what do you
think is the trouble over to your
house, honest?'
IS h-h! Now don't breathe word
of it to living soul, or | am dead
boy. You see, was over to the dairy
fair at the exposition building Satur-
day night, and when they were break
ing up, me and my chum helped to
carry boxes Of cheese and irkins Of
butter, and cheese man gave each of
us piece Of limberger cheese, wrap
ped up in tin foil. Sunday morning I
opened my piece, and it made me tired.
O, it was the offulest smell | ever
heard of. 1t was just like an old back
number funeral. Pa and ma were
just getting ready to 60 to church, and
| cut off piece of cheese and put it
In the inside pocket of pas vest, and
put another piece in the lining of mas
mutf, and they went to church. | went
to church, too, and sat on the back
seat with my chum, locking just as
pious as though | was taking up 4
collection. The church was pretty
warm, and by the time they got up to
sing the fifth hymn pas cheese began
to smell match against mas cheese.
Pa held one side Of the hymn book and
ma held the other, and pa he always
sings for all that is out, and when lie
braced himself and sang Just as am
ma thought pas voice was tinctured
with biliousness and she looked at
him, and hunched him, and told him
to sop singing and breathe through
his nose. Pa stopped singing and
turned around kind Of cross to ma,
aud then he smelled mas cbees, and
he turned his head the other way and
said 'whew!' and they didn't sing any
more, but they looked at each other.
When they sat down they Sat as far
apart as they could get, and pa sat
next to a woman who used to be nurse
in hospital, and when she smelled
the cheese she looked at him as though
she thought he had the small -pox, and
she held her handkerchief to her nose.
The man in the other end of the pew,
that MIA sat near,F he was stranger,
and he looked at ma sort of queer, and
after the minister prayed, and they
got up to sing again, the man took his
hat and went out, and when he came
by me he said something in whisper
about female glue factory. Well, sir,
before the sermon was over every body
in that part of the church had their
handkerchiefs to their noses, and they
looked at pa and ma scandalous, and
the two ushers they came around in
pews looking for dog, and when the
minister got over his sermon, and
wiped the perspiration off his face, he
said he would like to have the trustees
of the church to stay after meeting, as
there was business of Importance to
transact. He said the question of
proper ventilation and sewerage for
the church would be brought up. He
said he was a meek and humble fol-
lower Of the Lamb, and was willing to
cast his lot wherever the Master de-
clded; but he would be blessed if he
would preach any longer in church
that smelled like bone boiling estab-
lishment. Everybody locked at every
body else, and pa real mad, and me
and my chum lit out, and | went home
and distributed my cheese all around.
| put slice in mas bureau drawer,
down under her under clothes, and
piece in the spare room, under the bed,
and piece in the bath room, in the
soap dish, and slice in the album on
the parlor table, and slice in the
library in a book, and l went to the
dining room and put some under the
table, and dropped piece under the
range in the kitchen. | tell you the
house was loaded for Lear Ma came
home from church first, and wh,n |
asked where pa was. she said she hoped
he had gone to walk around the block
to air hlsself. Pa come home to din
ner and when he got a smell OF the house
he opened all the doors, and ma put
comfortable around her shoulders and
told pa he was disgrace to civiliza-
ton. She tried to get pa to drink
some carbolic acid. Pa finally con-
vinced ma that it Was not him, and
then they decided that it was the
house that smelled SO, as well as the
church and all Sunday afternoon they
went visiting, and this morning pa
went down to the health office and got
the inspector of nuisances to come up
to the house, and when he smelled
around a spell he said there were dead
rats in the main sewer pipe, and they
sent for plumbers, and ma went to
neighbor's to borry some fresh air,
and when the plumbers began to dig
up the floor in the basement came
over here. If they find any of that
limberger cheese it will 60 hard with
me. The hired girls have both quit,
and ma says she is going to break up
keeping house and board. That is
just into my hand. Well, guess l will
90 over to the house and stand in the
back door and listen to the mocking
bird. If you see me come flying out
of the alley with my coat tail full of
boots you can bet they have discovered
the sewer gas.'-Peck's Sun.
A young gentleman, who was look
ing over pretty girls shoulder while
she was playing cards, observed:
What lovely handP You may