Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1883-08-08


pastry-cook's, where she hesilated be-
tween water ices, and Neapolltan
cream; and finally went home, wearied,
but triumphant.
III show the Chinese ambassador
that there Is some style about bis coun-
try cousins she declared, TO Ethel and
Constantia, who were remodeling their
old dresses, to appear az new as pos
sible,
And really Mrs. Jones's parlors did
appear exqulsitely tasteful aud pretty
when the eventful evening arrived.
The chandeliers new for the occa-
sion-were draped with smilax; the
mantle banked with cyclamen and
begonia leaves; the angles OF the
apartment filled with tall palms and
stately ferns.
Miss Burkley was there, with her vio-
lin, aud a package of music nearly as
large as a Saratoga trunk; the ex'gov'
ernor and his lady we're on time, and
the assistant bishop of the Cranberry
swamp diocese appeared, in red
nosed and pompous manner, with bis
cousin, Mrs. Heatherley, leaning on
his arm. And, as the room began TO
Gil. Mrs. Jones waxed little nerv-
Gus.
Il do hope nothing has happened to
the train she thought. IF he shouldn't
be here, after all, sh )uld feel myself
social fraud
But, as the old Antwerp clock in the
corner struck ten, there was a little
hustle. the sound of retreatiug car
riage wheelS-Uncle Jones had arriv-
ed
And the guests parted right and lett
TO admit of the entrance Of stout old
gentleman in suit Of home dyed but
ternut-brown, a pair of silver specta'
cles, very red hands. entirely innocent
of gloves, and a blue-checked shirt
We'll, Niece Jones' said this re-
markable apparaton, graspng Mrs.
Jones's pretty, little kid-gloved hands.
Pm dreadful glad 10 make your ac-
quaintauce. And this 'ere's Peter, Is
it? | hain't seen Peter since lie was
boy
Uncle said Mrs. Jones, with sort
of hysteric gasp, allow me to present
to you
Oh, yes, l see.' said Uncle jones'
Company TO tea, eh? Your ser"ant,
ladies and gentlemen, your servant
bowlng comprehensively around the
room. And seein' we're all here to-
gether, so nice aud friendly be added
III Jest ask you all 10 look at new
kind o. salve as I've took the agency OF
the Electric Agony Eradlcator, only
twenty-five cents a box, and five boxes
for a dollar. Business is business, you
know, and as 1 make my living this
way, I'm sure my niece and nephew
here won't object TO my selling off the
stock-in- TO the best advantage
before leave the country. Perhaps
the company don't know that sail as
skipper of the Lovely Louise next
m onth-up TO the Newfunlan' fshn-
banks, and round by way OF Noya
Scotia?
But gasped Mrs. Jones' we
thought-that is, we understood-we
read in the paper, 1 would say-that
YOU were to be the ambassador to
China
'Me!' SAID Uncle Jones. Not if l
know il! Me go to turin parts, to be
eaten up with chopsicks, Or burned
alive by the coolies? I guess not !
P'r'aps it's John J. Jones you're think
ing about. He's from the same place
as 1 ANA great friend of the adminis'
tration-and I've heerd as he's got
plunp office from the big-bugs at Wash
inpton. I'm John J. Jones-Jacob,
YOU know, arter my great-gran'ther. as
was 10 the blacksmithv bushes. Oh,
I amt no Chinese ambassador r! I'm
only a silver-manufacturer It'd dread
tul good for frosted feet an ears. The
Electric Agony Eradicator' is-and
p'r'aps 1 may have a good chance 10
sell few gross Of boxes on board the
Lovely Louise, if it's a middlin' cold
trip
Poor Mrs. Jones stood aghast as the
distinguished guest of the evening cl''
culated around amid the perlumed
groups, with his Agony EradlcaIor''
selling off The precious panacea with
great success.
Mrs. Heatherley giggled audlbly;
the assistant bishop elevated his Ro-
man nose with an air Of superciious
ness; the lair viollulst laid down her
bow, and only the instant announce
ment of supper would ha'e prevented
general dissolution of this social par
lament. .,
Uncle Jones ate as if he were starved
wolf, and then drank as if he had been
transformed into fish; and finally fell
asleep on a sofa in the corner and
suored aloud, with his pocket tull OF
.salve.boxes' and handkerchief over
his face.
He went home the next day. The
Cherry hill Jones's did not urge him
TO stay longer; and Mrs. Heatherey
called 10 condole with Mrs. Jones in
person.
ut must have been 80 notifying to
the poor thing y said she, with smu-
lated sympathy.
But Mrs. Jones did not see her. She
was crying IN her own room, and sent
down a message Of Not at home.'